He cares not for Pope, Priest, Parson or King AV^illiani of tlie Boyne ; all Joe wants is tlie Coin. Ho trusts in God in summer time to keep him from all harm ; when he sees the frost and snow poor old Joe trusts in the Almighty Dollar and good old maple wood to keep his belly warm, for Churches, Chapels, Ranters, Preachers, Beechers and such stuft Montreal has already got enough. JOE BEEF’S CANTEEN, Nos. 4, 5, 6 COMMON STREET. Close by the Insurance Clock, near the St. Ann’s Market, opposite the Allan Dock. It is easily ito be seen, as over his door is a Barbar’s Pole, a Razor, and the sign Joe Beef’s Canteen.” He keeps animals to amuse you. He keeps animals to abuse you. He keeps from a Preacher to a Bear, and a wholly-headed Nigger to shave and cut your hair. If pains or aches you have got, his Pain-Killer is a sure relief. Get one bottle down your throttle, you can mount tbe stairs, say your prayers, and you will dream of Joseph Beef. — On his stage ra can sing an I dance, you can see the emblems of Old Ireland, America and France, — The British and 0 fianian Flags are also to be seen hanging with the Green, down in old Joe Beef’s (Janteen.” — When BVihops, Priests, Pardons, Preachers and Religions Teachers last December passed the poor men in their woe, tk !_y tound a iVioiid in poor old .foe. lie gave to them a helping' hand, with a supper and a bed. He did not as Religions People did with poor Noble, stretch him o.i the R ‘fue;e lloor, next morning he was found He did his best to please you all, no harm wlnit country or creed you may be. Let you be Cannon’s O' ms, Cliiifujiiy’s Bums or St. Ibitrick’s Sous, you are all the same to me, therefore I will mess the undermen- tioned Sweells at the undermentioned prices. Cents. .... .5 .... 5 .... 5 Aristocratic Blackguards disguised as gentlemen Aristocratic Swells with swallovi -tailed coats Aristhy Aristocrats 5 Fops who think they are inestimable amongst the Ladies 5 Fops who are quizzed by the Ladies and don’t know it 5 Fops who depend on their clothes, their rings, their chains, their canes, &o., as the only means of getting a belly-full 5 Fools, Drones and Toadies. 5 Fools, Knaves and Clowns 5 Fraudulent Tradesmen 5 Gentlemen who believe their blood is very pure, and that when they go to Heaven they will not be called upon to associate with com- mon or vulgar people 5 Genteel Paupers 5 Gentlemen who have lost their Reputation 5 Generals who are mere puppets in the hands of a few ignorant up- starts 5 German Princes who are sheltered and screened behind the Queen’s Petticoats 5 Gaping Blockheads 5 Government Bribe Takers 5 Government Old Clothes Stool Pigeons 5 Gouty German Pudding-pated Princes 5 Goggle-eyed, Low-legged, Pot-bellied, Big-headed Aristocrats 5 Goggle-eyed, Apish Hypocrites who are only half Monkey and half Government Miscreants 5 Gouty Dominion Adjutants 5 Government Bribe Fathers 5 Gutter blood Swells 5 Greasy City F^:ithers 5 Great Strong White Brutes who kick their poor wives with hobnailed . boots 5 Grand Trunk Smellers 5 Great St. James Street Swells who are continually taking off their hats and bobbing their heads up and down to every lady who passes like Chinese Mandarins 5 Greasy Toad-eating Ranters 5 Grand Master of Orange Lodges and Fenian Generals 5 Half-witted Nobility 5 Haughty Jackasses who walk about Great St. James Street as if they had .swallowed a broomstick 5 Hard-shell Baptists 5 Hardy Sons of Toil . .5 Heartle.ss Monsters in the Guise of Men 5 Henry Ward Rf>(v?hf^ ar>d the good man) who went nest hiding, put the baby to sleep, put her soul in leading strings, showed her the groom of her youth 5 High-blood Swells 5 High-blood Princes, Nobles, Profligate.s, Lunatic.^, Idiots and Fools... 5 High-cla.ss Rowdies 5 Hi^h-born Fool.s 5 Higli-class Out-door Paupers 5 High and Mighty Personages 5 High-born People 5 Honest Bigots 5 Holy Joe of the Steamship Prussian and his Angels 5 Honest Tories and Sham Radicals 5 Hungry human Locusts. 5 Huntington Roosters 5 Hum.-in Ferrets, Manufactured Perjurers and Informers, also Sneak- ing Spies, who are smelling after Public Houses 5 Human Vermin Idle Drones Idlers who arc determined never to work I dle, w orlhloHs Paupers, nicknamed Princes, Duke s, etc .. 0 5 5 5 5 .: 5 5 Clerical Vigilance Informers 5 Clergymen who can sing like Angels, pray like Saints, and lie like Devils 5 CJlcrgymen who, wiien praying for miserable sinners, keep looking at 'the Poor all the time .'.... 5 ■dorgytnem who laugh and weep at the same time 5 'Clerical Wolves who tear the skin of Foxes 5 •Craven, .Crafty, Clerical Culprits 5 ^Craf^ Ranters 5 'Orooked-mindcd Bigots 5 Cr©wia«d Ruffians 5 Jandy Ooriiothings ' Dawdling, Lisping, Shallow -brained Human Drones 5 I^cbased ^md Degraded Royal Blackguards 5 Decayed Politicians and Worthless Well-dressed Brats 5 Deceiving Preachers 5 Distinguished Transgressors 5 Dirt-eating, Belly-crawling Hypocrites 5 Dignified Swells - 5 Disgusting Profligates 5 Dominion Military Heroes, Half-Soldiers and Red River War- riors 5 Dominion Spud A OeLtsr. Military Recorders who will stand no nonsense with famished Men and Women 5 Military Poltroons 5 Model Detectives 5 Moral Poltroons 5 Moral Religious Monsters 5 Montreal Donkey Dragoons 5 Montreal Seedy Swells 5 Montreal Aristocratic Codgers 5 Montreal Coxcombs 5 Montreal Aristocratic Paupers 5 Montreal Stool Pigeons 5 Montreal Young Men’s Christian Association 5 Mouldy old English Judges with their Cauliflower Wigs 5 Muddy Brained Farmers 5 Mutton-Headed Scullions 5 Mule Contractors ....777. 5 Mushroom Colonels 5 Mild Lunatics 5 Newspaper Flunkeys 5 Noble Lunatics 5 Noble Tramps 5 Noble Bastards 5 Noodle-pa ted Ranters 5 Oflicers and Non-Commissioned Officers of the Montreal Young Men’s Christian Association 5 Oily-tongued, Putty-headed old Recorders 5 Old Walking Cheese in Heavy Marching Order, so that one pound of it will turn out more Canadian Riflemen than the Country can feed 5 Old Country Aristocratic Adventurers 5 Old Judges who sit listening to a case blinking like Jackdaws 5 DldXbuiitiy Big Wigs and Cauliflower Judges. ......i. Oily, Greasy, Fat-sided old Recorders 5 Oppressors of the Great Unwashed .T...L.. 5 One-Horse Lawyers .5 t)ld Ladies called Noble Lords 5 Oily-tougued Hypocrites 5 Officers who were never in Battle, except with graveyard stones and Barbers’ Poles 5 Oilytongued, Flin^hearted Parsons 5 Old, Toothless, Gouty Generals. 5 Offsprings of the Great Unwashed 5 Poor People who have been swindled by Small-fry Lawyers 5 Parsons, Fools and Parish Rogues 5 Petty Parsons 5 Profane Men 5 Parsons, Priests and Parrots 5 People who trust their money to rotten Institutions . 5 Proven Profligates 5 Princes who prefer pig sticking to fighting 5 Poor pe<»ple who are obliged to be submissive to the Press, Pulpit and Police 5 Princes and Brutalized Buffoons 5" Perambulating Tailors^rttriiead^ bb them like Chalk^Rabbits 5 Private rooms for Informers and would-be Tyrants 5 Policemen who kick Women, knock Children about, smash poor People’s heads, take up Sober People, and swear they were drunk next day 5 Pious Men 5 Perfumed Dandies 6 Padded Fops 5 Puffy, Turtle Soup Devouring Aldermen 5 Poor Men who live by honest labor 5 Poor Noodles who are called Kings 5 Puppets who live in idleness, laziness and at the Poor’s expense 5 Puddle-headed Pacific Railway Politicians 5 Press Reporters with long hair who can supply regiments 5 Princely Cadgers and Sturdy Beggars 5 Princes or Gilt Gingerbread Dummies 5 Puppet Princes and Russian Dolls 5 Pig-headed Lawyers 5 Pig-headed Hypocrites. 5 Purple faced, Brandy-faced-Hotel Keepers 5 Political Fools 5 Poor People made in the likeness of God, and equal in the sight of God to either King or Queen 5 Prayerful Men .5 Perfumed Dunces 5 Pale-faced, Saintly-looking Hypocrites , 5 Pig-sticking Princes 5 Priests, Parsons, Saints, and Sinners 5 Public Thieves 5 Princes who made Buffoons of themselves 5 Pious, Psalm-singing Rogues 5 Professional Hypocrites 5 People who have to remain unconverted in wet weather when the Parson has no umbrella 5 Rambling Preachers 5 Ranters and the Devil’s Disciples 5 Ranters and Disturbers of the Public Peace 5 Ranters who are only wolves in sheep’s clothing 5 Ranters who live by fraud, imposition and hypocrisy 5 Ranters who preach morality and practice swindling 5 Ranters with backs like flour- barrels, comfortable stomachs, substan- tial calves and brawney shoulders 5 Rank Royalists 5 Ranters who lick, crawl, lie, howl, and whelp at the same time 5 Reformed Tipplers 5 Reformed Rum-sellers 5 Recognized Rogues 5 Reckless and Roguish Adventures 5 Recorders, Recorder’s Clerks, Perjurers 5 Respectable, God-fearing, Church-going Tea Dealers 5 Religious Snobs 5 Respectable Hypocrites who cheat and rob the people six days, and go to church on the seventh 5 Recorders with cocked hats, and decked in their corporation trumpery robes of office 5 Respectable Grocers who put sand in their sugar ..j, 5 Recorders who arc as ignorant as Spanish Mules...... 5 Religious Lunatics who are to have an Asylum in Heaven 5 Religious Frauds 5 Religious Boobies 5 Real Soldiers 5 Reporters of Weights and Measures 5 Respectable Rascals in broad-cloth 5 Rich, Great and Infamous People 5 Rich and Privil^d Yagabonds 5 Royal Rakes 5 Royal Toadies and Tuft Hunters 5 Royal Princes who support strumpets taken off the stage with the money wrung from the poor 5 Royal Dwarfs and Dead-heads 5 Royal Loafers 5 Royal Idiots 5 Royal Poodles .. 5 Royal Rascals 5 Royal Runaways 5 Royal Noodles 5 Rowdy Swells 5 Royal Brats 5 Ceutg. Rogues, Tyrants, Scoundrels, Miscreants 5 Royal Humbugs. 5 Recorder s who are blind with one eye, and won’t see with the other 5 Reverend Magnates, and Clerical Numbskulls, also ignorant Law Dispensers 5 Red Republicans 5 Royal Monsters 5 Royal Locusts 5 Rogues in rags 5 Rogues in good clothse 5 Royal Bastards 5 Royal Beggers 5 Royal Rakes 5 Royal Bummers 5 Royal Bantlings 5 Royal Clowns with moon faces 5 Royal Crazy Captains with eyes in their stern .5 Royal Pests 5 Royal Dances.., ... 5 Royal Chuckle-headed Idiots 5 Royal Toadies and Tuft Hunters 5 Spanish Royal Brats and Spanish Royal She Cats 5 Swells who cannot see much further than the tips of their noses 5 Street Preachers supplied with a Belly -full of the Book of Revelation for the small sum of 5 Stinkpot Warriors 5 Scandal Preachers and Holy Men of God 5 Scounderls in broad-cloth, scented, and dressed to kill 5 Small-fry Advocates, Swindlers and Thimble Rigger? 5 Small-fry round the City 5 Soap Sud Colonels with their Soft Soap Medals 5 Small-fry Lawyers or Sharpers with a black boy to hold the tail _pf their gowQS.. 5 Swells who are not sufficiently big bred 5 Scheming Lawyers 5 Saintly, Sloppy, Slippery Bishops 5 Scurvy Lrwyers 5 Snobs of Montreal Artificial Society 5 Sham Radicals 5 Small-fry Pudding-headed Montreal Lawyers 5 Shallow-patted Fanatics 5 Sham Professors 5 Swells who prefer lasting dishonor to poverty 5 Slanderers of the living as well as the dead 5 Swells who get into debt 5 Stupid, Insignificant Puppies and Grand Trunk Nobodies 5 Stuck up Religious Visitors with words of charity on their glib tongues but no charity in their hearts 5 Small-fry Lawyers who swarm about the City like flies on a heap of manure, and get fat on roguery 5 Swells who live without fortune, profession or business 5 Slanderers of Dumb Animals 5 Slwckrfaccd,. Ranting^-Uariting Pretenders 5 Soild Saints and Spotted Puritans 5 Temperance Preachers who neither drink beer, wine or water, but go for the poor Bricklayer’s daughter 5 Temperance Preachers who can go about cleansing any great City of Sin, and then go asking some poor young maiden for her little pin 5 The Brooklyn Holy Ram that wants to keep the Man’s Wife at home and send the husband to convert the Jews in Jeru.salem 5 Titled or Worthless Knaves 5 The Lord’s Anointed Kings 5 Thieves with brass buttons 5 Tender Kids of Plymouth Church 5 Tiger-hunting Princes 5 Tea Kittle Purgeas 5 Tract 1 distributors 5 The Great Unwashed, the Working people, the Unberdred people, the Vulgar people, the people who cannot take care of themselves, but require John and John’s Son and every Ollier loafing, raoiing Son a Gun to take care of them 5 Tiger-hearted Ranters and Renegade Turncoats 5 Two-legged Hawks who prey on the Poor 5 Teetotal Drunkards 5 Tin Pot Aristocrats 5 Thick-skulled Reporters 5 Tv?o-legged Animals called Bummers 5 Tiger-hunting Princes 5 The Poor People, or what the London Times calls them, “ the Scum or, as Lord Macaulay calls them, “ the Vermin of the Earth” 5 The Prince of Heaven and the Prince of Wales 5 Three-tailed Swells 5 Ungodly Men like Joe Beef 5 Untutored Hypocrites 5 Uneducated Ruffians 5 Volunteer Monkeys with red coats and cocked hats 5 Vulgar Evil Doers 5 Vile-tongued, Flint-hearted Parsons 5 Volunteer Coffee, three cents per bowl; there is no milk in this coffee and very little sugar 5 Volunteer Colonels, who know as much about soldiering as a pig does . - of Geography Volunteers who have lost their brains C.' 5 Volunteers who are only asses in military clothing 5 Volunteer Officers, devouring Locusts Canada’s 5 Volunteer Bummers 5 Volunteer Officers with two tails 5 Well-connected Young Rowdies,, ^ White livered, Faint-liearted Officers 5 White Slaves 5 Wandering Vagabonds 5 White Trash, Woolly-headed Niggers and Colored Gentlemen 5 Well-dressed Flunkeys 5 While Soldiers and Military Men 5 Well-dressed Lazy Loafers 5 Well-dressed and well-connected Thieves 5 Well-connected Criminals 5 Woctbless, Ruffi;iiilf^. Cadgsas 5 Worthless Yagabonds who will not work, or Volunteer Officers who are never to be seen within sound of the Enemy's Artillery, except on a full galop towards the rear 5 Well-duped, Striped, Silly, Dangerous Blackguards 5 White-livered Ministers ^ 5 VYorthless Knaves 5 Yankee Canal Rats 5 Yellow Pig-tailed Chinamen 5 Yankee Congressional Tinkers and Imported Buffers 5 Yankee Reverned Murderers .* 5 Yankee Cleric al Seducers 5 Montreal Apish Aristocrats with dog colors to their ears, hair split over their noses and plastered down ou both sides of their forehead.... 5 Flunky Journalist with spectacles 5 Foreign Drones 5 Poor Girls and their Pampered Sisters 5 Royal Babies sent out from England 5 Grand Trunk Smellers 5 English Members of Parii.amenc who want the poor Irish to give money to feed the English Volunteers, and at poor Ireland make tha twhile they are frightened of Ireland that Ireland’s Sons are not allowed to carry a gun 5 i THE EVANGELIST WANTS THE POOR HUNGRY MAN TO PRAY, AND WHAT THE POOR HUNGRY MAN DID SAY. Sir,'^says he : In that Church or that Bible yon never trusted. W’ith goed old roast and ] oit the buttons of your coat are getting bursted. You are fat and strong. Your fuur is long. My feet are sore. My pants are tore. My knees are bended with cold and hunger. My days are nearly ended. Last week in the' Young Alen’s Christian Association Reading Room I prayed early, I prayed late. I wore out my knee-caps until my back stuck to the. seat, and all I got was Tracts for to eat. Here I am a.poor Navie that is starving whilst Bishops, Priests, and pudding-headed Parsons their roast beef and turkeys are carving. On the Railroads they call me “ Black Bill.” If I had only five cents I could hold up my head instead of a Soup Kitchen, my face getting red. I could go down amongst God’s own people. I could sit and eat my fill in Joe Beefs Canteen at'the bottom ofthe [Hill. JOE BEEE’JS OATSTTESEKT. Come, all ye roystering blades that dwell in gay old Montreal, And listen, while to you I’ll tell what chanced me to befal ; For once, like you, I used to bum, and tight was often seen. And drank my whiskey, beer and rum, at old Joe Beef’s Canteen. (Chorus :) For L have Tl'a veiled u’wl ami And many sights I’ve seen, But none that could at all compare. Boys, with Joe Beef’s Canteen ! While money lasts he’ll lure yon on, with sweet and honeyed smiles ; But when its gone your race is run to hell for many a mile ; He’ll tell you then before you’d think (for he’s a cute old lad,) “Your clothes don’t fit— your feet they stink !” ’tw’ould make a Xjreacher mad ! “ Drink less of beer; secure each night your ten cents’ w^orth of sleep — If not, register at the Hotel which Mr. Lumber keeps ! ” Your supplications he w^on’t mind — as well plead to his cub — And if you blarney much you’ll find he’ll smash j’ou with his club ! At Joe’s Canteen you’ll find three bears, some parrots and an owl, An eight-legged lamb, and human skulls — ’ I would make a mad- man howl. He’s trying hard, now, to collect a ghastlj- museum Of victims’ skulls who croaked their last by drinking of his old rum. . On Sunday J oe Beef turns a saint, and helps them sing and pray. And o.nnv 7 rnrt)Triii<^ ( t L a ho’s helped to lead^astray ! If Satan — ^just to try his luck — his net Were to lot falT^ I have no doubt but he’d scoop up, Joe Beef, Canteen and all! ? My shirt-tails fluttered out behind, my boots w^ere out at toes, And I was steeped up to my ears in miseries and woes ; My children toddled round in rags, my wife grew poor and lean; ’Tvvas all because I patronized, each night, Joe Beef’s Canteen ! Now, boys, pray warning lake by me — no longer be Joe’s dupe, And spend your time in getting drunk and eating five-cent soup; For he’s sure to get what cash you’ve got, your bat, your boots and clothes, Your character and the devil knows what, at that Canteen of Joe’s I Pat Hooligan. XJixles for* JPolice \>y of Joe Beef. ■ 1. The fundamental principle of the Canadian criminal law being thatr every person charged with an offence shall be deemed guilty until he is enabled to prove bis innocence, it is expected that every pDlice constable will refrain from violutiug this essential portion of the British Constitution on pain of instant dismissal from the force. 2 . When a person is arrested for a crime which he has not committed, he should be encouraged in every possible manner to admit his guilt. Thiffwill save much bother and trouble, besides ensuring the certainty of conviction. 3 . If a police constable obtains evidence respecting the innocence of a person under arrest he must not make any use of the same without Bpccial permission from the Chiet of Police, it being regarded as an act of insubordination on-the -part of a police constable to usurp the func- tions -of hw superiors. 4 . Every police constable is expected to support upon oath when required the testitnony of any constable who may desire such assistance. It is not necessary on such occasions to speak the truth. 5 . Persons found lying insensible in the public streets are to be arrested for being drunk and disorderly. Should any person so arrested prove to be suffering from an attack of apoplexy a surgeon may be sent for on the following day after the fine is paid. 6 . If any person so inebriated shall refuse to resist the police constable in the execution of his duty, it will be the duty of the constable to knock him down and afterwards cljarge him with violent conduct. 7 . Drunken and other persons endeavoring to resist being taken into custody shall be conveyed to the nearest police station in charge of four constables, who shall carry the offender face downwards in a horizontal position, occasionally dropping him violently on the- pavement for the purpose of reminding him of the strong arm of the law. 8 . It being indispensable that the general health of the force should be preserved from injury, each police constable will be penuitted to re- ceive rations of cold mutton, pickles and beer from the cooks and house- maids, on his beat. Should any house proprietor require an explanation of the system he may be referred to the Recorder’s Court or arrested for interfering with the police in the execution of their duty. If during ai^ exiunination or trial a police constable is asked whether he knows any tliirig^of the accused he must reply in the affirmative, and give a significant shake of t£e head lest he be suspected of ignorance. 10 . Above all, every constable must bear in mind that he is not a man but a policeman, and that bis interests arc superior -to those of the general community whose sole business it i^topt^vide him wicli excuses, for running th«m in.