O F J , — - — '■ Dr. Jonathan aw w i f t. Dean of St. Patrick’s, Dublin. WITH The Author’s Life and Character ; Notes Hiftorical, Critical, and Explanatory; Tables of Contents, and Indexes. More complete than any preceding Edition. IN THIRTEEN VOLUMES. Accurately c'orrefted by the beft Editions. EDINBURGH: Printed by A. Donaldson, and fold at his Shop* No. 48, Eaft corner of St. Paul’s Church-yard, London; and at Edinburgh. M. DCC. LXVItl. Dr. JONATHAN SWIFT, Dean of St. Patrick’s, Dublin. VOLUME L a&m — -- -.^Sjgsg EDINBURGH: Printed for A. Donaldson, and fold at his Shops in London and Edinburgh^ M.DCC.LXVIII. THE EDITOR’S PREFACE. —^HE Works of Dr. Jonathan Swift have been univerfally admired, and JL have pailed through many editions, both in England and Ireland. How they have been received in Scotland, appears from the quick fale of four Scotch editions fince the year 1752. A fifth one is now offered to the public, which it is hoped will meet with a fa¬ vourable reception. As this edition is partly upon a different plan, more complete, and il- luftrated with a far greater number of notes, than any that hath yet appeared in England; we think it neceffary to give an account of the method uled in conducting it. As to the arrangement of particular pieces in each dais, there were only three things that feemed tb deferve attention, or that could diredt the choice •, that the verfe and profe fhould be kept feparate ; that the poft- humous and doubtful pieces fhould not be mingled with thole which the Dean is known to have pu'olifhed himlelf; and that thofe tracts, which are parts of a regular feries, and iliuftrate each other, fhould be ranged in fuccef- vi The EDITOR’S PREFACE. fucceffion, without the intervention of other matter. Such are the Drapier’s Letters, and lome other papers publifhed upon the fame occafion, which have not only in the Irifh e- dition, but in every other, been fo mixed, as to mifreprefent fome fafts, and obfcure o- thers. Such alfo are the trafts on the Sacra¬ mental teft} which are now put together in a regular order, as they fhould always be read,° by thofe who would fee their whole ftrength and propriety. As to the arrangement of the different pieces, we have clalfed them in the order which appeared the moft natural, according to the plan pointed out by the Earl of Orrery, and, as near as can be, in chronological or¬ der. The firft ten volumes contain what were publifhed in the author’s lifetime, the i ith. i 2th, and 13th volumes are a feledtion from what is called The Pofthumous Works, containing all that the original editor, Mr. Falconer,^ has thought worthy of publica¬ tion. As to the Notes, this edition will be found to contain double the number that is inferted in any London edition. Moft part ot thofe notes to which no name is annexed, are ta¬ ken from the Dublin and other editions. The greateft part of the other notes are taken from the Earl of Orrery’s remarks on the life and writings of Dr. Swift, Mr. Dean Swift’s Elfay on the fame fubjeft, and Warburton’s edition of Pope’s Works. A few notes of reference. The EDITOR’S PREFACE. vii reference, and fome hiftorical remarks, are inferted by the editor. To fome of the large extracts from Orrery and Swift, we have given the title of Criticifms-, which are to be found in the ift, 7th, and 9th volumes. And care has been taken not to omit any remark of importance contained in the writings of thel'e authors upon any piece of Swift’s works. Dr. Hawkelworth’s edition of this celebrat¬ ed author, has been juftly efteemed; yet, upon companion, this one will be found to contain feveral pieces, both in verfe and profe, not inferted in his •, befides other advantages of Indexes, &c. As to the Life of Dr. Swift, many accounts have been publifhed of it. Thefe have mu¬ tually reflected light upon each other, alcer- tained controverted facts, and rectified off¬ takes, which, if they had ftill been tradi¬ tional and oral, would ftill have been believ¬ ed. Several little incidents, which fhewed the peculiarities of his converfation and do- meftic life, were related by Mrs. Pilkington, in her memoirs ; though thefe could be be¬ lieved only in proportion as they verified themfelves. Lord Orrery’s letters contained many of the principal events, intermingled with many charadteriftic incidents, fupported in general upon better authority ; but fome- times founded upon falfe information. Some of thefe miftakes were detedted by a volume of letters figned J. R. in which were alfo fome new materials; and the account fince publifhed viii The EDITOR’S PREFACE. publifhed by Mr. Swift, with an imperfect iketch by the Dean himfelf, has furniihed yet more. It was not thought neceffary (fays he) to relate every trifling particular that has been recorded, but only to feleft fuch as will fufficiently diftinguifti the peculiarities of his charader and manners, and^ tranfmit a knowledge of him to pofterity, of the fame kind, if not in the fame degree, as was ob¬ tained by thofe among his contemporaries, who were admitted to his converfation and friendfhip. In the account of Dr. Swift’s Life, feveral anecdotes, and different relations of particu¬ lar incidents, are thrown into notes*, and fome critical remarks on his character, taken from Lord Orrery and Mr. Swift, are now added, An abridgement of Mrs. Pilkington’s account is annexed. In the tenth volume, immedi¬ ately after the Dean’s Will, are two letters defcribing his furiofity. After which is given Lord Orrery’s account of Swift’s death, and his Lordfhip’s differtation on lunacy and idi- otifm, occafioned by the melancholy fituation of the Dean’s undemanding, fome years be¬ fore his death. In works of great extent, the utility of in¬ dexes is obvious to every reader, and the want is generally complained of: Yet few of the London editions have any index. There¬ fore, to fupply fo material a defeft, three in¬ dexes are annexed to the tenth volume. The ftrft is of the titles of the pieces in profe ; 2 the IX The EDITOR’S PREFACE. the fecond, of thofe of the poetry; and the third is of the principal matters. Befides thefe indexes, unto volume 13th is added an index to the three volumes of Pofthumous Works. Care has been taken to print this edition as corredlly as poflible; and it is hoped, that, in point of accuracy, it will not be found in¬ ferior to any former one. In fhort, no pains or expence have been fpared to render this a complete and correct edition of the Works of the celebrated Dean of St. Patrick’s. Edinburgh, Decent. 26. 1768. Voi.I. b . , i>u>u vs ..in; ri rli > i • * ~ • * • . ■ ■ ti A - i 4. / x [ *1 ] THE life » O F Dr. JONATHAN S \V I F T, Late Dean of St. Patrick’s, Dubun. D R. Jonathan Swift, an illuftrious Englilh wit, and juftly celebrated alio for his political knowledge, was defcended from a very ancient family, and born on the 30th of November 1667. His grandfather, Mr. Thomas Swift, was vicar of Goodrich in Herefordlhire, and married Mrs. Elizabeth Dryden, aunt of Dryden the poet; by whom he had fix fons, Godwin; Thomas, Dryden, William, Jonathan, and Adam. Thomas was bred at Oxford, but died young; God¬ win was a barriiter of Gray’s-lnn; and Wil¬ liam, Dryden, Jonathan, and Adam, were attornies. Godwin having married a rela¬ tion of the old Marchioneis of Ormond, the eld Duke of Ormond made him his attorney- b 2 general xii The LIFE of genera! in the palatinate of Tipperary in Ire¬ land. Ireland was at this time almoft with¬ out lawyers, the rebellion having converted . men of all conditions into foldiers. Godwin therefore determined to attempt the acquifition °t a fortune in that kingdom, and the fame mo¬ tive induced his four brothers to go with him, Jonathan, at the age of about twenty-three, and before he went into Ireland, married Mrs. Abigail Erick, a gentlewoman of Leicefter- fhire ; and about two years after left her a widow with one child, a daughter, and preg¬ nant with another, having no means of fub- lillence but an annuity of 20 1. which her hulband had purchafed for her in England, immediately after his- marriage. In this di- ftrefs fhe was taken into the family of God¬ win, her hufband’s eldeft brother; and there, about feven months after his death, deliver¬ ed of a ion, whom fhe called Jonathan, in remembrance of his father, and who was afterwards the celebrated Dean of St. Pa¬ trick’s.- It happened, by whatever accident, that Jonathan was not luckled by his mother, but by a nurle r who was a native of Whitehaven, and when he was about a year old, her affec¬ tion for him was become fo ftrong, that find¬ ing it neceffary to vifit a fick relation there, flic carried him with her, without the know¬ ledge of his mother or uncle. At this place iie continued about three years ; for, when the matter was difcovered, his mother lent orders Xllt Dr. SWIFT. orders not to hazard a fecond voyage, till he lhould be better able to bear it. Mrs. Swift, about two years after her hufband’s death, quitted the family of Mr. Godwin Swift in Ireland, and retired to Leicefter, the place of her nativity •, but her fon was again car¬ ried to Ireland by his nurfe, and replaced under the protection of his uncle Godwin. It has been generally believed, that Swift was born in England; and, when the people ot Ireland difpleal’ed him, he has been heard to fay, “ I am not of this vile country, I am an “' Englifhman but this account of his birth is taken from that which he left behind him in his own hand-writing. Some have alfo thought that he was a natural fon of Sir Wil¬ liam Temple, becaufe Sir William exprefied a particular regard for him: but that was im- poffible;for Sir William was refident abroad in a public character from the year 1665, to 1670; and his mother, who was never out of the Britifh dominions, brought him into the world in 1667. At about fix years of age hewas fent to the fchool of Kilkenny, and having continued there eight years, he was admitted a ftudent of Trinity college in Dublin. Here applying himfelf to books of hiltory and poetry, to the negleft of academic learning, he wa 3 at the end of four years, refufed his degree of bachelor of arts for infufficiency ; and was at laft admitted fpeciali gratia , which is there confidered as the higheft degree of reproach XIV The LIFE of and dilhonour. Stung with the difgrace, he ftudied eight hours a day, for feven years fol¬ lowing, He commenced thefe ftudies at the univerfity of Dublin, where he continued them three years: and, during this time, he drew up the firft fketch of his Tale of a Tub; for "WalTenden Warren, Efq ; a gentleman of for¬ tune near Belfaft in Ireland, who was chamber- fellow with Swift, declared that he then faw a copy of it in Swift’s own hand-writing. In 1688, his uncle Godwin was leized with a lethargy, and foon deprived both of his fpeech and memory: by which accident Swift being left without fupport, took a journey to Leicefter, that he might confult with his mother what courfe of life to purfue. At this time Sir William Temple was in high reputation, and honoured with the confidence and familiarity of King William His father. Sir John Temple, had been mailer of the rolls in Ireland, and contracted an intimate friend- fhip with Godwin Swift, which continued till his death; and Sir William, who inherited his title and eftate, had married a lady to whom Mrs. Swift was related; lhe therefore adviied her fon to communicate his (ituation to Sir William, and follicit his direflion what to do. Sir William received him with great kindnefs, and Swift’s firft vifit continued two years. Sir William had been ambaflador and mediator of a general peace at iSimeguen be¬ fore the Revolution, in which character he became known to the Prince of Orange; who frequently XV Dr. SWIFT. frequently vifited him at Sheen, after his ar¬ rival in England, and took his advice in af¬ fairs of the utmolt importance. Sir Wiiliam being then lame with the gout. Swift uled to attend his Majefty in the walks about the garden, who admitted him to fuch familiari¬ ty, that he fhewed him how to cut afparagus after the Dutch manner, and once offered to make him a captain of horfe *, but Swift had fixed his mind upon an ecclefiaftical life. About this time a bill was brought into the houfe for triennial parliaments, to which the King was very averfe, but fent however to confultSir William Temple, who foon after¬ wards fent Swift to Kenfington with the whole account in writing, to convince the King how ill he was adviied. This was Swift’s firft embaffy to court, who, though he under- flood Englifh hiftory, and the matter in hand very well, yet did not prevail. Soon after this tranfadlion he was ieized with the return of a diforder, which he had contracted in Ireland, by eating a great quantity of fruit, and which afterwards gradually increafed, though with irregular intermiflions, till it terminated in a total debility of body and mind. About a year after his return from Ireland, he thought it expedient to take his matter of arts degree at Oxford and accordingly was admitted adeundem on the 14th of June 1692, with many civilities. Thefe, fome fay, pro¬ ceeded from a mifunderftanding of the words, fpecialigratia^ in his teftimonium. from Dublin, which XVI The LIFE of which were there fuppofed to be a compli¬ ment paid to uncommon merit; but are more probably afcribed by others to his known connection with Sir William Temple. It is eafy to conceive, however, that Switr, after hb reputation was eStablifhed, might while he was fporting with this incident in the gaiety of his heart, pretend a miftake which never happened. From Oxford he returned to Sir William Temple, and alfifted him in revi¬ ling his works: He alio corrected and im¬ proved his own Tale of a 1 ub, and added the Digrellions. From the conversation of Sir William, Swift greatly increafed his political knowledge: but fufpeCiing Sir William of negleCting to provide for him, merely that he might keep him in his family, he at length relented it fo warmiy, that. In 1694, a quar¬ rel enfued, and they parted. Swift, during his refidence with Sir Wil¬ liam, had never failed to vifit his mother at Leicefter once a year, and his manner of travel¬ ling was very extraordinary. He always went on foot, except when the weather was very bad, and then he would fometimes take Shel¬ ter in a waggon. Fie chofe to dineat obfeure ale-houfes among pedlars and oftlers, and to lie where he faw written over the door, lod¬ gings for a penny, but he ufed to bribe the maid with a teller for a Single bed, and clean fleets. His refolution was now to take orders: and foon after obtained a recommendation to 2 Lord xvu Dr. SWIFT. Lord Capel, then lord-deputy of Ireland, who gave him the prebend of Kiiroot, in the diocefe of Connor, worth about tool, per annum. But Sir William, who had been ufed to the converfation of Swift, foon found that he could not be content to live without him j and therefore urged him to refign his pre¬ bend in favour of a friend, promiling to ob¬ tain preferment for him in England, if he would return. Swift confented, and Sir Wil¬ liam was fo well pleafed with this a< 5 t of kind- nefs, that, during the remainder of his life, which was about four years, his behaviour was fuch as produced the utmoft harmony be¬ tween them. Swift, as a teftimony of his friendfhip andefteem, wrote the Battle of the Books, of which Sir William is the hero; and Sir William, when he died, left him a pecu¬ niary legacy, and his potthumous works*. Upon the death of Sir William Temple, Swift applied by petition to King William, for the firft vacant prebend of Canterbury or Weltminfter, for which the royal promile had been obtained by his late patron, whofe polthumous w’orks he dedicated to his Majef- ty, to facilitate the luccel's of that application. But it does not appear, that, after the death of Sir William, the King, took the leaft no¬ tice of Swift. After this he accepted an in¬ vitation from the Earl of Berkeley, appointed * Two volumes of Sir William’s Letters, which he dedicated to his Majefty. VOL. I. C one xvi n The LIFE of one of the lords juftices of Ireland, to attend him as chaplain and private fecretary; but he was foon removed from this poll, upon a pre¬ tence that it was not fit for a clergyman. This difappointment was prefently followed by ano¬ ther v for when the deanry of Derry became vacant, and it was the Earl of Berkeley's turn to difpofe of it, Swift, inftead of receiving it as an atonement for his late ufage, was put off with the livings of Laracor and Rathbeg- ging, in the diocele of Meth, which together did not amount to half its value. He went to refide at Laracor, and performed the duties of a parifh prieft with the utmoft punctuality and devotion. He was indeed always very de¬ vout, not only in his public and folemn addref- les to God, but in his domeftic and private exercifes: and yet, with all his piety in his heart, he could not forbear indulging the pe¬ culiarity of his humour, when an opportunity offered, whatever might be the impropriety of the time and place. Upon his coming to Laracor, he gave public notice, that he would read prayers on Wednefday and Friday, which had not been the cuftonv, and accordingly the boll was rung, and he afcended the defk. But, having fat fome time with no other au¬ ditor than his clerk Roger, he began, “ Dear- “ ly beloved Pvoger, the fcripture moveth “ you and me in fun dry places and fo pro¬ ceeded to the end of the fervice. Of the fame kind was his race with Dr. Raymond, vicar XIX Dr. SWIFT. of Trim, foon after he was made dean cf St. Patrick’s. Swift had dined one Sunday with Raymond, and when the Bells had done ring¬ ing for evening prayers, “ Raymond,” fays Swift. “ I will lay you a crown, that I will “ begin prayers before you this afternoon.” Dr. Raymond accepted the wager, and imme¬ diately both ran as fall as they could to the church. Raymond, the nimbler of the two, arrived firft at the door,, and when he entered the church, walked decently towards the reading defk: Swift never flackened his pace, but running up the ifle, left Raymond behind him j and ftepping into the delk, w'ithout put¬ ting on the furplice, or opening the book, be¬ gan the fervice in an audible voice. During Swift’s refidence at Laracor, he in¬ vited to Ireland a lady, whom he has celebra¬ ted by the name of Stella. With this lady he became acquainted while he lived with Sir William Temple: She was the daughter of his Reward, whofe name was Juhnfon; and Sir William, when he died, left her ioool. in confideration of her father’s faithful fervi- ces. At the death of Sir William, which hap¬ pened in 1699, fhe was in the 16th year of her age; and it was about two years aftervyards, that, at Swift’s invitation, Ihe left England, accompanied by Mrs. Dingley*, a lady who * The Do&or gave her fifty guineas a year, an$L left her by his will an annuity of twenty pounds. C 2 was XX The LIFE of was fifteen years older, and whole whole for¬ tune, though fhe was related to Sir William Temple, was no more than an annuity of 27 I. Whether Swift at this time defired the compa¬ ny of Stella as a wile, or a friend, is not cer¬ tain ; but the reafon which file and her com¬ panion then gave for their leaving England Was, that in Ireland the intereft of money was high, and provifions were cheap. But what¬ ever was Swift’s attachment to Mifs Johnion, every poflible precaution was taken to prevent fcandal: they never lived in the fame houfe; when Swift was abfent, Mifs Johnfon and her friend refided at the parfonage; when he re¬ turned, they removed either to his friend Dr. Raymond’s, or to a lodging; neither were they ever known to meet, but in the prefence of a third perfon. Swift made frequent excurfions to Dublin, and fome to London, but Mifs Johnfon was buried in folitude and obfcurity; ihe was known only to a few of Swift’s moll; intimate acquaintance, and had no female companion except Mrs. Dingley. In 1701, Swift took his dodtor’s degree, and in 1702, foon after the death of King Wil¬ liam, he went inro England for the firft time after his fettling at Laracor; a journey which he frequently repeated during the reign of Queen Anne. Mifs Johnfon was once in England in 1705, but returned in a few months, and never crofied the channel after¬ wards. He fcon became eminent as a writer, 2 and XXI Dr. SWIFT. and in that character was known at lead: to both Whigs and Tories. He bad been edu¬ cated among the former, but at length attach¬ ed himfelf to the latter: becaule the W mgs, as he faid, had renounced their old princi¬ ples, and received others, which their iorera- ther abhorred. He publilhcd, in 1701, A difcourfe of the contefts and diffenttons be¬ tween the nobles and commons in Athens and Rome, with the conferences they had upon both thofe ftates:” This was in behalf ot King William and his n.inifters, againlf the vio¬ lent proceedings of the Houle of Commons j but from that year to 1708, he did not write any political pamphlet "'. In 1710, being then in England, he was impowered by the Primate of Ireland, to 10- licit the Queen to releafe the clergy from paying the twentieth part and firft fruits •, and Upon this occafion his acquaintance with Mr. Harley commenced. As foon as he had re¬ ceived the Primate’s inftrudions, he refolved to apply to Mr. Harley •, and, before he waited on him, got himfelf reprefented as a perlon who had been ill ufed by the lad nn- niftry, becaule he would not go luch lengths as they would have had him. Mr. Harley * In the year 1708, he publifhed feveral political works under the name of Ifaac Bickerfhff, Fdq ; which name was afterwards affumed by Sir Richard Steel, to recommend his Tatlers to the world, biographa hu - tantiica. . , XXII The L I F E of received him with the utmoft kindnefs and reipect; kept him with him two hours alone j engaged in, and foon after accomplifhed, his buuiiels ; bid him come often to fee him pri¬ vately •, and told him, that he mult bring him to the knowledge of Mr. St. John. Swift prefently became acquainted with the reft of the minifters, who appear to have courted and carefied him with uncommon aftiduity. Fie dined every Saturday at Mr. Harley’s with the Lord Keeper, Mr. Secretary St. John, and Lord Rivers : on that day no other perfon was for fome time admitted j but this feleifr company was at length inlarged to fix- teen, all men ot the firft clafs. Swift includ¬ ed. From this time hefupported the intereft of his new friends with all his power, in pam¬ phlets, poems, and periodical papers : his in¬ timacy with them was fo remarkable, that he was thought not only to defend, but in fome degree to direct their meafures; and fuch was his importance in the opinion of the oppofite party, that many fpeeches were made againfi: him in both houfes of parliament; a reward was alfo offered, for difeovering the author of the Public Spirit of the Whigs. Amidrt all the bufinefs and honours that crowded upon him, he wrote every day an ac¬ count of what occurred to Stella j and fent her a journal regularly, dated every fortnight during the whole time of his connection with Queen Anne’s mmiftry. From thefe unre- ftrained effufions of his heart many particu¬ lars Dr. SWIFT. xxiii lars are known, which would otherwife have lain hid; and by thefe it appears, that he was not only employed, but trufted, even by Harley himfelf, who, to all others, was re- ferved and myfterious. In the mean time, Swift had no expectations of advantage from his connections with thefe perlons : he knew they could not long preferve their power; and he did not honour it while it lafted, on account of the violent meafures which were purfued by both fides. “ I ufe the mini- a ftry , 55 lays he, “ like dogs, becaufe I ex- ct pedt they will ufe me fo.—I never knew “ a miniftry do any thing for thole whom u they make companions of their pleafures ; cc but I care not . 55 In the lummer of 1711, he forefaw the ruin of the miniftry by thofe rnifunderftandings among themfeives, which at laft effected it; and it was not only his o- pinion, but their own, that if they could not carry a peace, they muft foon be fent to the Tower, even though they fhould agree. In order therefore to facilitate this great event. Swift wrote the condudt of the allies : a piece, which he confeffes coft him much pains and which fucceeded even beyond his expectati¬ ons. It was publifhed on the 27th of No¬ vember 1711 ; and in two months time above 11,000 were fold off, feven editions having been printed in England, and three in Ire¬ land. The Tory members in both houfes, who fpoke, drew all their arguments from it; and the refolutions, which were printed in the XXIV The LIFE of the votes, and which would never have piaff¬ ed but for this pamphlet, were little more than quotations from it. From this time to 1713, he exerted himfelf with unwearied di¬ ligence in the fervice of the miniftry •, and while he was at Windfor, juft at the conclu- fion of the peace of Utrecht, he drew the firft fketch of An Hiftory of the four laft years of Queen Anne. This he afterwards finifhed, and came into England to publifh* but was diffuaded from it by Lord Bolingbroke, who told him, the whole was lo much in the fpirit of party-writing, that though it might have made a feafonable pamphlet in the time of their adminiftration, it would be a difhonour to juft hiftory. Swift feems to have been ex¬ tremely fond of this work, by declaring, as he did, that it was the belt thing he had ever written : but ftnce his friend did not approve it, he would caft it into the fire. However, it did not undergo this fate, but was lately publifhed in octavo, to the difappointment of all thole who expedted any thing great from it. During all this time he received no gratui¬ ty or reward, till the year 1713 ; and then he accepted the deanry of St. Patrick’s Dublin *• * This promotion was thought to be a difappoint- ment to him, as he expe&ed a bilhopric in England ; but the Earl of Oxford did not think it proper to offend the oppofue party, by bringing him into the Houfe of Lords, where he would, no doubt, have made a fi¬ gure as a fpeaker. 2 A bi- XXV Dr. SWIFT. A bifhopric had been forne time before intend¬ ed for him by the Queen; but Archbifliop Sharpe having reprefented him to herMajefty as a man whofe Chriftianity was very queftion- able, and being luppoited in this by a certain very great lady, it was given to another. He immediately croffed the channel to take poffellion of his new dignity, but did not ftay in Ireland more than a fortnight, being ur¬ ged by an hundred letters to haften back, and reconcile the Lords Oxford and Bolingbroke. When he returned, he found their animofity increafed -, and, having predifted their ruin from this very caufe, he laboured to bring a- bout a reconciliation, as that upon which the whole int«.reft of their party depended. Ha¬ ving attempted this by various methods in vain, he went to a friend’s houfe in Berk- fhire, where he continued till the Queen’s death ; and, while he was at this place, wrote a diicourfe, called, “ Free thoughts on the preient ftate of affairs,” which, however, was not pubiifhed till iome time after. before we attend bwift to Ireland, it is ne- ceffary to give a little hiftory of his Vaneffa ; becaule his connections with her were made in England. Among other perfons, with whom he was intimately acquainted during the gay part of his life, was Mrs. Vanhom- righ. bhe was a lady of good family in Ire¬ land, and became the wife of Mr. Vanhom- righ, firtt a merchant of Amfterdam, then of Dublin, where he was railed by King Wil- Vol. I. c liam xxvi The LIFE of iiam, upon his expedition into Ireland, to very great places. Dying in 1703, he letc two ions and two daughters s but th: ions loon after dying, his whole fortune, which was considerable, fell to the daughters. In 1709, the widow and the two young ladies came to England, where they were viiited by perfons of the firft quality •, and ^wift, lodg¬ ing near them, ufed to be much there, com¬ ing and going without any ceremony, as if he had been one of the family. During this familiarity, he became intenfibly a kind of preceptor to the young ladies, particularly the eldeft, who was then about twenty years old, was much addicted to reading, and a great admirer of poetry. Hence admiring, as was natural, iuch a character as that of Swift, fhe foon paffed from admiration to love^ and urged a little perhaps by vanity, which would have been highly gratified by an alliance with the firft wit of the age, fhe ventured to make the Doctor a propolal of marriage. He affected firft to believe her in jeft, then to rally her on fo whimfical a choice, and at laft to put her off without an abiolute refufel; and, while he was in this fuuation, he wrote the poem, called, “ Cadenus and 4t Vanefia.” It was written in 1713, a fliort time before he left Vanefia, and the reft of his friends in England, and returned to the place of his exile, as he ufed frequently to call it. In 1714, Mrs. Vanhomrigh died, and having lived very high, left iome debts, which Dr. SWIFT. xxv i which it not being convenient for her daugh¬ ters, who had alio debts of their own to p-y at prefent, to avoid an arreft, they followed the Dean into Ireland. Upon his arrival to take poffeffion of his deanry, he had been received with great kindnefs and honour; but now, upon his re¬ turn after the Queen’s death, he experienced every poflible mark of comempt and indigna¬ tion. The tables were turned ; the power of the Tories and the Dean’s credit were at an end ; and as a defign to bring in the preten¬ der had been imputed to the Queen’s mini- ftry, fo Swift lay now under much odium, as being fuppofed to have been a well-wither in that cauie. As foon as he was fettled at Dub¬ lin, Mils Johnfon removed from the coun¬ try to be near him, but they ftill lived in fe- parate houfes ; his refidence being at the deanery, and hers in lodgings on the other fide of the river Liffy. 1 he Dean kept two public days every week, on which the digni¬ ty of his Itation was fufrained with the utmoft elegance and decorum, under the dire< 5 lion of Mils Johnfon. As to his employment at home, he feerns to have had no heart to apply himfelf to ftudy of any kind, but to have re- figned himfelf wholly to luch amufements, and luch company as offered ; thac he might not think of his fituatton, the misfortunes of his friends, and his dilappointments. 46 I was 44 three years, ” fays he to Gay, “ reconcil- “ ing tnyfelf to the lcene and bufinefs to c 2 “ which xxviii The LIFE of “ which fortune hath condemned me ; and “ ftupidity was what I had recourfe to.’’ The firft remarkable event of his life, after his fettlement at the deanery, was his mar¬ riage to Mifs Johnfon, after a moft intimate friendfhip of more than fixteen years. This was in the year 1716; and the ceremony was performed privately by Dr. Athe, then Bifhop of Clogher, to whom the Dean had been a pu¬ pil in Trimty-collcdge, Dublin. But what¬ ever were the motives to this marriage, the Dean and the lady continued to live after¬ wards, juft in the fame manner as they had lived before. Mrs. Dingley was ftill the in- feparable companion of Stella, wherever lhe went; and lhe never relided at the deanery, except when the Dean had his fits of giddi- nefs and deafnefs. Till this time he had con¬ tinued his vilits to Vanefla, (MifsVanhom- righ),whoprcferved her reputation andfriends, and was vifited by many perlons of rank, c ha- racter, and fortune, of both fexes: but now his vifits weie lefs frequent. In 1717, her fitter died ; and the whole remains of the fa¬ mily fortune centering in Vanefla, (he retired to Selbridge, a final I houfe and eftate about twelve miles from Dublin, which had been purchafed by her father. From this place fhe wrote frequently to the Dean, and prefled hirh, either to accept or refufe her as a wife •, upon which he wrote an anfwer, and deliver¬ ed it with his own hand. The receipt of this, v/hich probably communicated^ the fatal fe- cret Dr. SWIFT. xxix cret of his marriage with Stella, the unhap¬ py lady did not Survive many weeks ; how¬ ever, fhe was Sufficiently compofed to cancel a will flie had formerly made in the Dean’s favour, and to make another, in which fhe left her fortune to her two executors, Dr. Berkeley Bifhop of Cloyne, and Mr. Mar- fhall, one of the King’s lerjeants at law. From iyi6 to 1720 is a chafm in the Dean’s life, which it has been difficult to fill up : Lord Orrery thinks, with great reafon, that he employed this time upon Gulliver’s Travels. This work is a moral political ro¬ mance, in which Swift has exerted theftrong- eft efforts of a fine irregular genius; but while his imagination and wit delight, it is hardly polfible not to be fometimes offend¬ ed with his iatire, which fets not only all hu¬ man actions, but human nature ltlelf, in the word light. The truth is. Swift s disap¬ pointments had rendered him Splenetic and angry with the whole world, and he frequent¬ ly Indulged himfelf in a mifanthropy that is intolerable •, he has done io particularly in lome parts of this work. About this time the Dean, who had already acquired the cha¬ racter of a humourift and wit, wasfirft regard¬ ed with general kindnefs, as the patriot of Ireland. He writ a propofalfor the Irifh ma¬ nufactures, which made him very popular •, the more fo, as it immediately raifed a violent flame, fo th..t a profecution was commenced againff the printer. In i 7 2 4 > wr 't the B Drapier’s xxx * The LIFE of Drapier’s Letters; thofe brazen monuments of his tame, as Lord Orrery calls them. A patent having been iniquitoufly procured by one Wood, to coin i 80,000 1 . in copper for the ule ot Ireland, by which he wo dd have acquired exorbitant gain, and propor- tionably impoverished the nation ; the Dean, in the character of a draper, wrote a leries of letters to the people, urging them not to receive this copper-money. fhefe letters ti¬ nned the whole nation in his praif'e, filled e- very ftreet with his effigy, and every voice with acclamations; and Wood, though fup- ported for fome time, was at length compel¬ led to withdraw his patent, and his money was totally iupprcfied. From this time the Dean’s influence in Ireland was almoft without bounds : He was conlulted in whatever rela¬ ted to domeflic policy, and particularly to trade. The weavers always confidered him as their patron and Iegiflator, after his pro- pofal for the life of Irilh manufa6tu**es ; and when elections were depending for the city of Dublin, many corporations refufed to de¬ clare themfelves, till they knew his fentimenrs and inclinations. Over the populace he was themoft abfolute monarch that ever govern¬ ed men ; and he was regarded by perfons of every rank with veneration and efieem. He was feveral times in England on a vifit toMr. Pope, after his ilttlernent at the deane¬ ry, particularly in 1726 and 1727. On the 28th of January 1727, died his beloved Stel¬ la, XXXI Dr. SWIFT. la, in the 44th year of her age, regretted by the Dean, with iuch excefs of affection, as the keened fenfibility only could feel, and the molt excellent chara&er excite ; fhe had been declining from the year 1724. Stella was a mod amiable woman, both in perfon and mind. Her dature was tall, her hair and eyes black, her complexion fairand deli¬ cate, her features regular, foft, and animat¬ ed, her lhape eafy and elegant, and her man¬ ner feminine, polite, and graceful: There was natural cnuiic in her voice, and compla¬ cency in her afpett : die abounded with wit, which was always accompanied with good na¬ ture ; her virtue was founded upon humani¬ ty, and her religion upon ieafon •, her morals were uniform, but not rigid, and her devoti¬ on was habitual, but not odentatious. “ Why “ the Dean did not fooner marry this mod “ excellent perfon •, why he married her at “ all-, why his marriage was lo cautoufly u concealed ; and why he was never known “ to meet her but in the prefence of a third “ perfon, are inquiries which no man can “ anfwer,” fays the writer or his life, “ with- “ out abiurdity.” Nor fo far at lead, if not fomething farther, we think, may be aiifwer- ed, and without abiurdity too. “ He oid “ not marry her fooner,” we fay, becaufe his original intention was not to marry her at all: he never differed his behaviour towards fe¬ males to exceed the limits of i'latonic love ; and the innocence of his commerce with Va- nefia XXXIt The LIFE of nefla feems now to be acknowledged by eve¬ ry body, as well as by this writer. “ He did “ marry her at length,” probably tocire and put an end to thofe conflant uneafinefles and jealoufies, which his frequent vifits to Vanef- fa muft naturally raife in her. “ His marri- “ age was cautioufly concealed,” becaufe he never intended to acknowledge her as his wife: and “ he was cautious never to meet “ her but in the prefence of a third perfon,’’ becaufe, by reafon of his known intimacy and connection with Stella above all other wo¬ men, her character was greatly expofed to unfavourable iufpicions, and therefore to be guarded v/ith all poflible care and tendernefs againft them. Thus this author’s inquiries may manifeftly be anfwered, without ahlurdi- ty : but the main, and, indeed, foie difficul¬ ty is, why Swift fhould not defire a nearer commerce with fuch a woman as Stella, and confequently acknowledge and receive her publicly as his wife. Yet the anfwer has been made a thoufand times, though no body l'eems to acquiefce in it ; namely, that “ he was “ not made like other men.” Add to this, that Swift was a man of great pride, and could not have borne to be defpifed, however fecretly ; that he loved female converfe, and to be courted and admired by wits of that fex, of which Stella was at the head; that he de- lpaired of fupporting that dignity and credit, even with the delicate Stella, in a ftate of nearer commerce, which he was always fure ‘ i of XXXIll Df* SWIFT. preferving at fome diftance : Add all thefe confiderations together, and the folution of this mighty myftery may probably not appear impolfible. Suppofing Swift to have been guided in this affair by mere caprice and hu¬ mour, he cannot but be feen in a moft un¬ gracious light, and confidered as a man ut¬ terly devoid of humanity ; for it is generally agreed, that Stella’s immature death was oc- cafioned by the peculiarity of his condud: to¬ wards her. It appears by fcveral little inci¬ dents, that (lie regretted and difapproved this conduct, and that fhe fometimes reproached him with unkindnefs j for to fuch regret and reproach he certainly alludes, in the follow¬ ing verfe on her birthday, in 1726. m y hmbs, m y houfe, or my goods. Gentlemen, * m y hfe is m the hands of God, and, whether it may ‘ be cut off by treachery, or open violence, or by the ‘ common way of other men, as long as it continues, ‘ I ffiall ever bear a grateful memory for this favour ‘ y° u have fhewn, beyond my expeftation, and almoft ■ exceeding my wiffies. The inhabitants of the liber¬ ty, as well as thofe of the neighbourhood, have lived * with me in great amity for near twenty years ; which * I am confident will never diminifh during my life. I ‘ am chiefly forry, that, by two cruel diforders of dekf- ‘ nefs and giddinefs, which have purfued me for four months, I am not in a condition either to hear or re- 4 ceiveyou, much lefs to return you my molt fincere ‘ acknowledgements, which in jultice and gratitude I ‘ ought to do. May God blefs you and your families 4 in this world, and make you for ever happv in the * next.’ From XXXV11 Dr. SWIFT. From this time his memory was perceived gradually to decline, and his pafiions to per¬ vert his underftanding; and in 174 1 was . fo very bad, as to be utterly incapable of converfation. Strangers were not permitted to approach him, and his friends round it ne- ceffary to have guardians appointed of his perfon and eftate. Early in 174U his realon was fubverted, and his rage became abfolute madnefs. In October his left eye fwelled to the fize of an egg, and feveral large ooiis broke out in his arms and body *, the extreme pain of which kept him awake near a month, and, during one week, it was with difficulty that five perfons reftrained him by mere force from pulling out his own eyes. Upon the fubfiding of thefe tumours, he knew thofe a- bout him •, and appeared fo far to have reco~ vered his underftanding and temper, that there were hopes he might once more enjoy fociety. Thefe hopes, however, were but of fhort du¬ ration : for, a few days afterwards, he funk into a {late of total infenfibility, flept much, and could not, without great difficulty, be prevailed on to walk crofs the room. T. his was the effeft of another bodily diieafe, his brain being loaded with water. Mr. Stevens, an ingenious clergyman of Dublin, pronoun¬ ced this to be the cafe during his illnels; and upon opening his body, it appeared that he was not miitaken. After the Dean had con¬ tinued filent a whole year, in this ftate ot helplefs idiotifm, his houfe-keeper went into xxxviii The LIFE of his room on the 30th of November in the morning, and told him, it was his birth-day, and that bonfires and illuminations were pre¬ paring to celebrate it as ufual: to which he immediately replied, “ It is all folly, they had “ better let it alone.” Some other inftances of fhort intervals of fenfibility and reafon, after his madnefs ended in ftupor, feem to pro/e, that his dilorder, whatever it was, had not deitroyed, but only fulpended the powers of his mind. In 1744, he now and then called his fervant by name; and once attempting to fpeak to him, but not being able to exprefs his meaning, he fhewed figns of much un- ealinefs; and at laft faid, u Jama fool.” Once afterwards, as his fervant was taking away his watch, he faid, “ bring it here:” and when the fame fervant was breaking a large hard coal, he faid, “ that is a (tone, you block- ic head.” From this time he was perfectly fi- lent, till the latter end of October 1745, and then died, without the leaft pang or convul- fion, in the 78th year of his age. His chara&er was very fingular, and has been attempted by feveral writers, the fub- ftance of which is as follows. In his perfon, he was large, robult, and mafculine, his de¬ portment was commanding, and his walk ered. His voice was fharp and high toned, efpecially when he read prayers, but not effeminate; and there was a natural feverity in his afpeft, which even his fmiles could icarce foften, nor could his utmoft gaiety re¬ lax XXXIX Dr. SWIFT. lax. He was cleanly even to fuperdition •, his nails were always paired to the quick, to pre¬ vent the leaft gathering of dirt under them, and he never dreffed without a baton of water by him, with which he carefully cleanfed his feet. Among his Angularities, were his refolu- tion never to wear ipectacles, and his obftinate perfeverance in the ufe of too much exercife. Regularity was peculiar to him in all his ac¬ tions, even in the greateft trifles. His hours of walking and reading never varied. His mo¬ tions were guided by his watch, which was fo conftantly held in his hand, or placed before him on the table, that he feldom deviated ma¬ ny minutes in the daily revolutions of his ex- ercifes and employments. His manner was without cerem my, but not ruftic ; for he had a perfeft knowledge of all the modes and va¬ riations of politenels and complaifance, which hepractifed in a manner peculiar to himfclf; and the refpeCf that was due to him by thefe rules, he took care to exact, without the leaft abatement. He had leen the great world, and profited much by his experience. His ca¬ pacity and ftrength of mind were undeniably equal to any talk whatloever. His pride, his fpirit, or his ambition, call it by what name you pleafe, was boundlefs •, but his views were checked in his younger years, and the anxiety of that dilappointment had a vifible effect upon all his actions. He was four and fevere, but not abfolutely ill-natured. He wasfociable only to particular friends, and to them The LIFE of them only at particular hours. In company his rule was never to fpeak more than a minute at a time, and then to wait at leaft as long for others to take up the converlation. His colloquial ftile, like that of his writing, was clear, forcible, and concife. He greatly excelled in punning, a talent, he laid, which no man affeifted to defpife, but thofe who were without it. But his con- verfation abounded with turns of wit of a higher kind. The Dean alfo greatly excelF ed in telling a ftory, his fentences were fhort and perfpicuous, his observations piercing 5 and though in the latter part of his life he was very apt to tell his (lories too often, yet his wit, as well as his virtues, was always fu- perior to the wretched expedients of thofe defpicable babblers, who are perpetually at¬ tempting to put off double entendre and pro- fanenefs for wit and humour. His conven¬ tion was in the higheft degree chafte, and wholly free from the lead tincture of irrelr- gion. As he was zealous to preferve all the delicacies of converlation, he was always bed pleafed, when fome of the company were la¬ dies. He had not the leaft tincture of vanity in his converlation *, he was uled to fay, he was too proud to be vain. He generally- fpoke as he thought, in all companies, and at all times. • If the converfation turned up¬ on ferious fubjects, he was neither petulant in the debate, nor negligent of the iffue. He attention to the ar¬ guments Dr. SWIFT. xli puments of others, and whether he was en- o-aoed or not in the argument, he would re¬ capitulate what had been laid, ftate the quef- tion with great dearnefs and precifion, point out the controverted particular, and appeal to the opinion either of fome neutral perion, or of the majority. It is however true, that he kept his friends in iome degree of awe, and was therefore rather an entertaining, than a defirable guelt. He was open to adulation and could not, or would not diUinguilh be¬ tween low flattery and juft applaufe. Yet he was not lefs open to admonition, if it was of¬ fered without arrogance, and by perfons of whole ability and honefty he had no doubt. Such was Swift as a companion ; as a matter, he was not lefs remarkable. As he expedted punctual, ready, and implicit obedience, he always tried his fervants when he hired them, by iome teft of their humility. Among other queftions, he always alkcd whether ^heyun- derftood cleaning fhoes, “ becaufe,’ laid he, « my kitchen wench has a fcullion that does “ her drudgery, and one part of the buhneis “ of my oroom and footman, is conftantly to « clean her Ihoes by turns ■” if they fcrupled this, the treaty was at an end; if not, he cave them a further hearing He appeared to be churlilb and auftere to his domeftics in o-eneral -, but in reality was a good malter. As a member of civil lociety, he was a zea¬ lous advocate for liberty, the detector of fraud, and the fcourge of oppreifion. In poli- Vol. I. f UCS xlii The LIFE of tics he was neither Whig nor Tory, Jacobite nor Republican ; he was Dr. Swift. As an ecclefiaftic, he was fcrupuloufly exaft, in the exercife of his function, as well with regard to fpiritual as temporal things. He was ex¬ tremely exadt and confcientious in promoting the members of his choir according to their merit, and never advanced any perfon to a vicarage, who was not qualified in all refpedts in the higheft degree. Fie could never be in¬ duced to take fines for any of the chapter- lands. He always chofe to raife the rents, as the method leaft oppreffive to the prefent te¬ nant, and molt advantageous to all future te¬ nants and landlords; he conftantly refufed to give charity out of the chapter-funds, which he alleged were fcarce fufficient to maintain the neceflary repairs of the cathedral, and he expended more money to fupport and adorn it, than had been applied to the fame ufe in any period of equal length fince it was firft built. He was a faithful guardian of the rights of his deanery, and even determined to affert his right of abfence againft the Archbi- fhop of Dublin, at the expence of feveral hundred pounds, when he did not believe he fhould ever again claim the privileges for himfelf; becaufe he would not hurt his fuc- ccffor by an injurious precedent. The poor, in the liberty of his cathedral, were better re¬ gulated than any other in the kingdom : They were all badged, and were never found beg- ing out of their diftridt. For thefe he built and xliii Dr. SWIFT. and furnifhecl a little alms-houfe, being afiift- ed by fome voluntary contributions, and he prefcrved among them uncommon cleanlinefs and decency, by conftantly vifiting them in perfon. Nor was his care and kindnefs con¬ fined to his cathedral: he improved his li¬ ving of Laracor, though he continued there but a fhort time, and left both the houfe and glebe a convenient and agreeable retreat to his fucceffor, at a confiderable expence. In his private capacity, he was not only chari¬ table but generous, and whatever mifanthro- py may be found in his writings, there does not appear to have been any in his life. His writings in defence of the poor people of Ire¬ land are well known, and that he might not be wanting himfelf, while he pleaded their caufe with others, he conftantly lent out a large fum of money, in fmall portions, to ho- neft, induftrious, and necellitous tradeimen, uponeafy terms. Befides this, he frequently gave five and ten pounds, without any parade, when proper objects offered. He was dili¬ gent to relieve the poor, and, at. the fame Time, to encourage induftry, even in the low- eft ftation •, he uled regularly to vilit a great number of poor, chiefly women, as well in in the public ftreets, as in the bye-allies, and tinder the arches of Dublin. If he was not exempt from the infirmity of loving money, yet he was clear of the vice. If his ceconomy degenerated into avarice, it muft be confei- fed it did not contract his bounty. He turn- f 2 ed xliv The L I F E of ed all the evil of excefilve frugality upon him- felf; it induced him to walk, when he had been ufea to ride, and he would then fay, he had earned a Hulling or eighteen pence, which he had a right to do what he pleafed with, and which he conftantly applied to his ufual charities, which by this expedient he could continue, and yet expend lefs upon the whole than before. Whillt he abounded in charity, he was not lefs diligent in the prac¬ tice of other virtues, or lefs devout and con- ftant in the folemnities of religion. He was remarkably temperate, both in eating and drinking. He was not only juft, but punc¬ tual in his dealings, and he had an inviolable regard for truth. As he conftantly attended divine worlhip when he was at home, lb he ufed always to go early to church when he was in London, and never to fleep without aflembling his family in his own chamber to prayers. An abhorrence of hypocrify was a ftriking particular in his charatffer ; he even carried it to fuch an excefs, that it is not ea- fy to determine, whether it was more a vir¬ tue than a vice •, for it brought upon him the charge of irreligion, and encouraged others to be irreligious. In proportion as he abhor¬ red hypocrify, he dreaded the imputation of it, and therefore concealed his piety with as much diligence, as others conceal their vices, which cuftom has not made reputable. As his ab¬ horrence of hypocriiy exempted him from af¬ fectation, the natural equity of his mind fe- cured Dr. SWIFT. xiv cured him againft envy.. He cultivated ge¬ nius wherever he found it, and in whatever degree, with great zeal and affiduity *, and would frequently fpend much time in correc¬ ting and improving any literary compofitions that had the leaft appearance of ingenuity. As a writer, he had no equal. His ftile is mafterly, corre£t, and ftrong, never diffufive, yet always clear •, and if we confider it in com- parifon of his predeceffors, he has outdone them all, and is one, perhaps the chief, or thofe few feledt Fnglifh writers, who have ex¬ celled in elegance and propriety of language. In politics, his favourite topic, he appears like a mafterly gladiator ; he wields the fword of party with eafe^ juftnefs, and dexterity, and while he entertains the ignorant and the vulgar, he draws an equal attention from the learned and the great. When he is ierious, his gravity becomes him; when he laughs, his readers muft laugh with him. In poetry, he would not take pains to excell: but be¬ came, in fome meafure, fuperior to it, and afiumed more the air and manner of a critic, than a poet. But what fhall be faid for his love of trifles, and his want of delicacy and decorum? Forgive him thefe errors, and draw a veil over certain excrefcences of wit and humour-, you will then admire him as an honour to the public, and a icourge to all the knaves and fools of his time. Upon the whok, his conduct was greatly variegated, fo much as xlvi The LIFE of as to appear even capricious and contradicto¬ ry. However, if we 1 >ok a little deeper than the furface, thefe Teeming contradidfi- ons will be found to arife from the fame prin¬ ciples. Swift was naturally temperate and chafte, it was therefore eafy for him to be frugal ; but he was all'o naturally high fpirit- ed : and therefore, as wealth is the pledge of independence, it is not ftrange his frugality fhould verge to excels. However, as he act¬ ed upon Chriltian principles of general vir¬ tue, he did not deliver himlelf up to natural propenlions, when contrary to his duty; and therefore his love of money did not contract his charity to the poor, or defraud his fuc- celfors to enrich himfelf. The fame fpirit which fecured his integrity, by difdaining the meannefs of a lie, produced that dread of hy- pocrify which concealed his piety, and be¬ trayed him into appearances of evil: and the fame want of natural tendernefs which made him obdurate and auftere, transferred the diftribution of his liberality from inftindt to religion. Such was Jonathan Swift , whofe life, with all the advantages of genius and learning, was a fcale of infelicity," gradually afcending, till pain and anguifh deftroyed the faculties by which they were felt. An in- ftrudtive leffon to teach the wife humility, and the fimple content. By his will, which is dated in May 1740, juft before he ceafed to be a reafonable being, he Dr. SWIFT. xfvii he left about 1200I. in legacies*; and the reft of his fortune, which amounted to about 11,000 1. to ereift and endow an hdfpita! for i- deots and lunatics. He was buried in the great ifle of St. Patrick’s cathedral. Under a ftone of black marble, infcribed with the following Latin epitaph : It was written by* himfclf, and fhews a moil unhappy mifanthro- pic ftate of mind. “ Hie depofitum eft corpus “ Jonathan Swift y S. T. P- u Hujus ecclefias cathedralis decani 64 Ubi fasva indignatio ulterius cor lacerate nequit, “ Abi, viator, & imitare, “ Si poteris, 44 Strenuum pro virili libertatis vindicatorem. “ Obiit, &c.” # His will, like all his other writings, is drawn up in a peculiar manner, kven in fo ferious a compofition. he could not help indulging himteli in leaving legacies that carry with them an air of raillery and jed. He difpofes of his three hats, his heft, his fecond bed, and his third bed beaver, with ail ironical folemntty that renders the bequeds ridiculous. He bequeaths ‘ to « Mr. John Gratton a filver box, to keep in it the to* «• bacco which the faid John ufually chewed, called c pigtail.* But his legacy to Mr. Robert Gratton is dill more extraordinary. ‘ Item, 1 bequeath to Mr. ‘ Robert Gratton, prebendary of St. Andrew’s, mf * drong box, on condition ol his giving the foie ufe of «■ the laid box to his brother, Dr. James Gratton, du- c ring the life of the faid Doctor, who hath more oc * cafion for it/ Some [ xlviii "] Some Particulars concerning Dr. Swift, Taken from Mrs. Pilkington's Memoirs. M R S. Pilkington’s acquaintance with Dr. Swift commenced from fending him the lines on his birth-day, vol. 8. p. 349. Thefe the Dean received very kindly, and faid, he would fee her whenever fhe pleafed. A few days after, fhe was introduced to the Dean in Dr. Delany’s garden atDelville, by a gen¬ tlewoman. He fa luted her, and afked the lady, if, Hie was her daughter ? The lady fmiled, and faid fhe was Mrs. Pilkington. “ What,” lays he, this poor little child married ! God help her, fhe « 6 is early engaged to trouble.” T he Dean enga¬ ging Mr. Pilkington to preach for him at the cathe¬ dral next Sunday, invited her, with the reft of the company, to dinner. As the communion is ad- miniftered every Sunday in St. Patrick’s church, Mrs. Pilkington was charmed to fee with what a becoming piety the Dean performed that holy fer- vice, which he had fo much at heart, that he want¬ ed not the afiiftance of the liturgy, but went quite through it without ever looking on the book. He bowed ar ihe table ; which behaviour was cenfured, as lavouring of popery. But this circumftance may vindicate him from the wicked afperfion of being deemed an unbeliever, fince it is plain he had the utmoft reverence for the eucharift. Service being ended, the Dean was furrounded at the church- door, by a crowd of poor ; to all of whom he 2 gave BY Mrs. PiLKINGTON. *li* charity, except an old woman, who held out a ve¬ ry dirty hand to him. He told her, very giavely. That though (he was a beggar, water was not lo l'carcc but ihe might have waflied her hands. YYhen they came to the deanry, the Dean kindly faluted Mrs. Pilkington, and, without allowing her time to fit down, bade her come and fee his library: but merrily told Mr. Pilkington, who was for follow¬ ing them, that he did not defire his company. “ Well,” faid he to her, “ I have brought you “ here to fhew you all the money I got when I was 11 in the miniftry ; but don t fteal any of it. “ I “ won’t indeed, Sir,” faid Ihe. So opening a ca¬ binet, he {hewed her a parcel of empty drawers; “ Blefsme.” fays he, “ the money is flown ’ He then opened his bureau, wherein he had a great number of curious trinkets of various kinds, tome of which were prefented to him by the Earl and Countefs of Oxford, Lady Malham, and Lady Betty Germain. At laft coming to a drawer filled with medals, he bade her chute two tor herfelf; but he could not help fmiling, when the began to poize them in her hands, chuling them by weight rather than antiquity. At dinner, the Dean’s behaviour was very hu- mourous. He placed himfelf at the head of his table, oppofite to a great pier glafs, lo that he could fee in the glafs whatever the fervants did be¬ hind him. He was ferved entirely in plate, with oreat elegance. But the beef being over-roafted, put the company all in confufion. The Dean call¬ ed for the cook maid, and ordered her to take the beef down flairs, and do it lefs. She aniwered, very innocently, that Ihe could not. “ Why, what “ fort of a creature are you,’ lays he, “ to com- “ mit a fault which cannot be amended !” And turning to Mrs Pilkington, he faid very gravely, “ That he hoped, as the cook was a woman of ge- “ nius, he Ihould, by this manner of arguing, be w ’ r {< “ able 1 ACCOUNTS OF Dr. SWIFT, “ able, in about a year’s time, to convince her that “ fhe had better fend up the meat too little than “ too much done ;” charging the men-fervants, whenever they imagined the meat was ready, they ihould take it, fpit and all, and bring it up by force, promifing to aid them in cafe the cook refitted. Then turning his eye on the looking-glafs, he e- fpied the butler opening a bottle of ale ; and help¬ ing himfelf to the firtt glafs, he very kindly jum¬ bled the rett together, that his matter and guctts might all fare alike. “ Ha ! friend/’ faid the Dean, “ Sharp’s the word, I find, you drank my “ ale, for which I ttop two (hillings of your board- c< wages this week ; for I fcorn to be "outdone in “ any thing, even in cheating.” Dinner being ended, the Dean thanked Mr. Pilkington for his. fermon ; ‘ 4 I never,” faid he, 4< preached but twice in my life ; and then they “ were not lermons, but pamphlets.” Mrs. Pil¬ kington aiked him, what might be the fubjedl of them r He told her, they were againft Wood’s* halfpence. Having alked Mr. and Mrs. Pilking¬ ton, if they could fmoke; and being anfwered that they did not ; 44 ’Tis a fign,” faid he, 44 you were 44 neither of you bred in the univerlity of Oxford ; ** for drinking and fmoking are the firtt rudi- “ ments of learning taught there ; and in thefe two “ arts, no univerlity in Europe can outdo them.’’ Having a iked Mrs. Pilkington, if fhe had any faults ? 44 Pray Mr. Dean,” faid Dr. Delany*, “ why will you be fo unpolite as to fuppofe Mrs. Pilkington has any faults ?” “ I’ll tell you,” re«^ plied the Dean, 44 whenever I fee a number of a - “ greeable qualities in any perfon, 1 am always Ixiv A CRITICISM. wit, which, either in general or in particular fatire* is equally to be admired. The edge of wit will al¬ ways remain keen, and its blade will be bright and lliining, when the {tone upon which it has been whetted, is worn out, or thrown afide and forgot¬ ten. Perfonal fatire againft civil magiftrates, cor¬ rupt minifters, and tkofe giants of power, who gorge themfelves with the entrails of their country, is different from that perfonal fatire, which too of¬ ten proceeds merely from felf-love or ill-nature. The one is written in defence of the public, the o- ther in defence of ourfelves. The one is armed by the fword of juftice, and encouraged not only by the voice of the people, but by the principles of morality; the other is dilated by pafllon, fupport- ed by pride, and applauded by flattery. At the fame time that I fay this, I think every man of wit has a right to laugh at fools, who give offence, and at coxcombs, who are public nuifances. Swift in¬ deed has left no weapon of farcafm untried, no branch of fatire uncultivated ; but while he has maintained a perpetual war againfl the mighty men in power, he has remained invulnerable, if not victorious. See the criticifms invol. vii, p. 107. and invol. ix. p. 258. eoN- C lxvi J CO NT ENTS of Vol. I. A TALE of a TUB. The author’s apology j ireatifes written by the fame author, See. The bookfeller’s dedication l9 The bookfeller to the reader The epiftle dedicatory, to Prince Pofterity 26 The preface A tale of a tub 44 -,§* The battle of the books j(jg A difeourfe concerning the mechanical operati- on of the fpirit 20Q An argument againft abolilhing chriftianity 22 e A project for the advancement of religion 242 The fentiments of a church of England-man with refpeft to religion and government. 263 A TALE Q F A T U B. Written for the univerfal improvement of mankind. Diu multumque defideratum . To which are added, An Account of a Battle between the ancient and modern BOOKS in St. James’s Library; and, A Difcourfe concerning the Mechanical Operation qf the SPIRIT. With the Authors Apology; and. Explanatory notes, by W. Wotton^ B. D. and others. Bafyma cacabafa eanaa 9 irraumifta diarbada caeota bafohor camelantbi. Iren. lib. I. cap. i8„ -- Juvatque novos decerpere florcs, Injignemque meo capiti petere inde coronatn , Unde prius tiul/i velarunt tempora mitfie. Lucret. v- *************************** The AUTHOR’S APOLOGY. I T good and ill nature equally operated upon mankind, I might have faved myfelf the trouble of this apology; for it is manifeft, by the recep¬ tion the following difcourfe hath met with, that VoL. I. A thofe 2 A TALE OF A TUB. thofe who approve it, are a great majority among the men of tafte. Yet there have been two or three treatifes written exprefsly againftit, befides many Others that have flirted at it occafionally, without one fyllable having been ever publifhed in its de¬ fence, or even quotation to its advantage, that I can remember; exept by the polite author of a late difcourfe between a Deift and a Socinian. Therefore, fince the book Teems calculated to live at leaft as long as our language and our tafle admit no great alterations, I am content to convey fome apology along with it. The greateft part of that book was finifhed a- bout thirteen years fince, 1696; which is eight years before it was publifhed. The author was then young, his invention at the height, and his read¬ ing frefh in his head. By the afliflance of fome thinking, and much converfation, he had endea¬ voured to ftrip himfelf of as many real prejudices as he could : I fay, real one?; becaufe under the notion of prejudices, he knew to what dangerous heights fome men have proceeded. Thus prepar¬ ed, he thought the numerous and grofs corrup¬ tions in religion and learning might furnifh matter for a fatire, that would be ufeful and diverting. He refolved to proceed in a manner that fhpuld be altogether new; the world having been already too long naufeated with endlefs repetitions upon every fubje£t. The abufes }n religion he propofed to fet forth in the allegory of the coats, and the three brothers; which was to make tip the body of the difcourfe : Thofe in learning he chofe to introduce by way of digreffions. fie was then a young gentle¬ man much in the world; and wrote to the taft e of thofe who were like himfelf: Therefore, in order to allure them, he gave a liberty to his pen, which might not fuit with maturer years, or graver characters; and which he could have ealily cor¬ rected 'Tl:e Author's Apology. 3 rected with a very few blots, had he been mafter of his papers for a year or two before their publication. Not that he would have governed his judgment bv the ill-placed cavils of the four, the envious, the ftupid, and the taftelefs ; which he mentions with difdain. He acknowledges there are feveral youth¬ ful failles, which, from the grave and the wife, may deferve a rebuke. But he defires to be anfwer- able no farther than he is guilty; and that his faults may not be multiplied by the ignorant, the unnatural, and uncharitable applications of thofe, who have neither candor to fuppofe good mean¬ ings, nor palate to diftinguifli true ones. After which, he will forfeit his life, if any one opinion, can be 'fairly deduced from that book, which is contrary to religion or morality. "Why fliould any clergyman of our church be to lee the follies or Fanaticifm andSuperfti- fion expofed, though in the moft ridiculous man¬ ner ? fince that is perhaps the moft probable way to cure them, or at leaft to hinder them from far¬ ther fpreading; Befides, though it was not in¬ tended for their perulal, it rallies nothing but what they preach againft. It contains nothing to pro¬ voke them by the leaft fcurrility upon their per¬ rons or their functions. It celebrates the church of England as the moft perfect of all others in difci- pline and doXrine; it advances no opinion they re¬ ject, nor condemns any they receive. If the clergy’s fefentments lay upon their hands, in my humble opinion, they might have found more proper objetts to employ them on. Nondum tibi defuit hof- tis ; I mean thofe heavy, illiterate fcriblers, pro ftitute in their reputations, vicious in their lives, and ruined in their fortunes ; who, to the lhame of good fenfe, as well as piety, are greedily read, merely upon the ftrength of bold, falfe, impious aflertions, mixed with unmannerly reflexions upon the priefthood, and openly intended againft all re- A 2 ligion; 4 A TALE OF A TUB. ligion ; in fliort, full of fuch principles as kindly received, becaufe they are levelled to re¬ move thofe terrors, that religion tells men will be the confequence of immoral lives. No¬ thing like whichu is to be met with in this difcourfe, though fome of them are pleafcd fo freely to cen- fure it. And I wifh there were no other inftance of what I have too frequently obferved, that many of that Reverend body are not always very nice in diftinguifhing between their enemies and their friends. Had the author’s intentions met with a more candid interpretation from fome, whom out of refpeft he forbears to name, he might have been encouraged to- an examination of books written by fome of thofe authors above defcribed; whofe er¬ rors, ignorance,- dulnefs, and villany, he thinks he could have detected and expofed in fuch a manner, that the perfons who are moft conceived to be in- iedted by them, would foon lay them afide, and be afliamed. But he has now given over thofe thoughts ; fince the weightiejl men * in the weigh- tiefl Rations, are pleafed to think it a more danger¬ ous point, to laugh at thofe corruptions in religion, which they themfelves muft difapprove, than to en¬ deavour pulling up thofe very foundations wherein all Chriftians have agreed. He thinks it no fair proceedings that any perfon fliould offer determinately to fix a name upon the author of this difcourfe, who hath all along con¬ cealed himfelf from moft of his neareft friends: Tet feveral have gone a farther ftep, and pronounced another book *' to have been the work of the fame hand with this-; which the author diredUy affirms to be a thorough miftake, he having yet never fo * Alluding to Dr. Sharp Archbifliop of York’s reprefentation of the author. * Letter concerning enthufiafm. much The Author's Apotyy. £ rtmth as read that difcourfe : A plain indance how little truth there often is in general furmifes, or in conje&ures drawn from a fimilitude of dyle, or way of thinking. Had the author written a book to expofe the a- bufes in law, or in phylic, he believes the learned profeflors in either faculty would have been fo far from refenting it, as to have given him thanks for his pains ; efpecially If he had made an honour¬ able refervation for the true practice of either fci- ence. But religion, they tell us, ought not to be ridiculed; and they tell us truth: yet furely the corruptions in it may ; for we are taught by the triteft maxim in the world, that religion being the bed of things, its corruptions are likely to be the word. There is one thing which the judicious reader cannot but have* obferved, that fome of thofe paf- fages in this difcourfe, which appear mod liable to objection, are what they call parodies, where the author perfonates the dyle and manner of other writers, whom he has a mind to expofe. I fhall produce one indance; it is in fep, VOL.I. B warily • i® A TALE OF A TUB. warily; for which he defires to plead the excufe offered already, of his youth, and franknefs of fpeecli, and his papers being out of his power at the time they were publilhed. But this anfwerer infills, and fays, what he chief¬ ly dillikes, is the defign . What that was, I have already told ; and I believe there is not a perfon in England who can underhand that book, that ever imagined it to have been any thing elfe, but to ex- pofe the abufes and corruptions in learning and re¬ ligion. But it would be good to know what defign this refledker was ferving, when he concludes his pam¬ phlet with a caution to the reader, to beware of thinking the author’s wit was entirely his own. Surely this mull have had fome allay of perfonal animofity, at leall mixed with the defign of ferving the public by fo ufeful a difcovery ; and it indeed touches the author in a tender point; who infills upon it, that, through the whole book, he has not borrowed one fingle hint from any writer in the world; and he thought, of all criticifms, that would never have been one. He conceived it was never difputed to be an original, whatever faults it might have. However, this anfwerer produces three inllances to prove this author's wit is not his own in many places . The firft is, that the names of Peter , Martin , and Jack , are borrowed from a let¬ ter of the late Duke of Buckingham *. Whatever wit is contained in thofe three names, the author is content to- give it up, and defires his readers will fubtradl asmuch as they placed upon that account; at the fame time protefting folemnly, that he never once heard of that letter, except in this paffage of the anfwerer : fo that the names were not borrow¬ ed, as he affirms, though they fhould happen to be the lame ; which, however, is odd enough, and * Villers. what 11 The Author's Apology « what he hardly believes; tl>at of Jack being -not quite fo obvious as the other two. The fecond in- ftance to fhew the author's wit is not his own , is Pe¬ ter's banter (as he calls it in his Alfatia phrafe) up¬ on tranfubftantiation, which is taken from the fame Duke’s conference with an Irifh prieft, where a cork is turned into a horfe. This the author con- fefles to have feen about ten years after his book was written, and a year or two after it was publifh- ed. Nay, the anfwerer overthrows thishimfelf; for he allows the tale was written in 1697 ; and, I think, that pamphlet was not printed in many years after. It was necefiary, that corruption ihould have fome allegory as well as the reft; and the au¬ thor invented the propereft he could, without in¬ quiring what other people had written ; and the commoneft reader will find there is not the leaft re- femblance between the two ftories. The third in¬ fiance is in thefe words : l have been affured , that the battle in St. James's library zV, mutatis mutandis, taken out of a French book , intitled , Combat des li- vres, if I mifremember not. In which paflage there are two claufes obfervable : I have been affured \ and, if I mifremember not. I defire fir ft to know, whether, if that conjecture proves an utter falfe- hood, thofe two claufes will be a fufficient excufe for this worthy critic. The matter is a trifle : but would he venture to pronounce at this rate upon one of greater moment ? I know nothing more contemptible in a writer, than the character of a plagiary; which he here fixes at a venture; and this not for a paflage, but a whole difeourfe, taken out from another book, only mutatis mutandis . The author is as much in the dark about this, as the anfwerer ; and will imitate him by an affirma¬ tion at random; that if there be a word of truth in this reflection, he is a paultry, imitating pedant, and the anfwerer is a perfon of wit, manners, and truth. He takes his boldnefs, from never haying B 2 feen 12 A TALE OF A TUB. feen any fpch treatife in his life, nor heard of it before; and he is fure it is impoffible for two wri¬ ters of different times and countries, to agree in their thoughts after fuch a manner, that two con¬ tinued difcourfes fhall be the fame, only mutatis mutandis . Neither will he inlift upon the miftake in the title. But let the anfwerer and his friend produce any book they pleafe, he defies them to mew one lingle particular, where the judicious reader will afftrm he has been obliged for the fmall- eft hint; giving only allowance for the accidental encountering of a lingle thought, which he knows may fometimes happen ; though he has never yet found it in that difcourfe, nor has heard it obje6 as I pretend ? What (hall I fay in return of fo in¬ vidious an obje&ion ? It ill befits the diftance be¬ tween your Highnefs and me, to fend you for ocular convi&ion to a jakes or an oven ; to the windows of a bawdy-houfe , or to a fordid lantern. Books, like men, their authors, have no more than one way of coming into the world; but there are ten thoufand to go out of it, and return no more. I profefs to your Highnefs , in the integrity of my heart, that what I am going to fay, is literally truer this minute I am writing. What revolutions may happen before it lhall be ready for your perufal, I can by no means warrant: however, I beg you to accept it as a fpecimen of our learning, our polite- nefs, and oux wit. I do therefore affirm, upon the The Dedication to Prince Pojlerrty . 31 the word of a fincere man, that there is now actu¬ ally in being a certain poet, called John Dry den, whofe tranflation of Virgil was lately printed in a large folio, well bound, and if diligent learch were made, for aught I know, is yet to be feen. There is another, called Nahum Tate , who is ready to make oath, that he has caufed many reams of verfe to bepublilhed, whereof both himfelf and his book- lcller (if lawfully required) can (till produce au¬ thentic copies ; and therefore, wonders why the world is pleafed to make fuch a fecret of it. There is a third, known by the name of Tom Dur - fey, a poet of a valf comprehenfion, an univerfal genius, and molt profound learning. There are alfo one Mr. Rymer , and one Mr. Dennis, molt profound critics. There is a perlon Itylcd Dr. Bentley , who has written near a thoufand pages of immenfe erudition, giving a full and true account of a certain fjuabble of wonderful importance between himfelf and a bookfellcr # . He is a writer of infinite wit and humour ; no man rallies with a better grace, and more fprightly turns. Farther, I avow to your Highnefs, that with thefe eyes I have beheld the perfon of William Wotton , B. D. who has writ¬ ten a good iizeable volume againlt a friend of sour governor f (from whom, alas, he mult therefore look for little favour) in a molt gentlemanly Ityle, adorned with the utmolt politenefs and civility; replete with difeoveries, equally valuable for their novelty and ufe; and embellimcd with traits of wit, fo poignant and fo appofite, that he is a wor¬ thy yokemate to his forementioned friend. Why lliould I go upon farther particulars, which might fill a volume with the juft eulogies of my • Bentley, in his contrcyerfy with Lord Orrery upon the genuine- nefs of Pnalaris'a epirties, has given, in a preface, a long account of his dialogues with a bookfellcr, about the loan and icftitution of a MS. -}- Sii William contemporary 32 A TALE OF A TUB. contemporary brethren ? I fliall bequeath this piece of juftice to a larger work; wherein I intend to write a chara&er of the prefent fet of wits in our nation. Their perfons I fhall defcribe particularly, and at length; their genius and understandings, in mignature . In the mean time, I do here make bold to pre** fent your Highnefs with a faithful abftract drawn from the universal body of all arts and fciences, in¬ tended wholly for your fervice and inftru£tion. Nor do I doubt in the leaft, but your Highnefs wilj perufe it as carefully, and make as confiderable im¬ provements, as other young princes have already done by the many volumes, of late years, written for a help to their ftuclies *. That your Highnefs may advance in wifdom and virtue, as well as years, and at laft outfhine all* your royal anceftors, ihall be the daily prayer of, 6 I R, Dec. 1697. Your Highnefs’s Moft devoted, &c* * There were innumerable books printed for the life of the Dauphin of France. THE C 33 3 THE PREFACE. T H E wits of the prcfent age being fo very nu¬ merous and penetrating, it fieems the gran¬ dees of church and jlatc begin to fall under hor¬ rible apprchenfions, left thei'e gentlemen, during the intervals of a long peace, fhould find leifure to pick holes in the weak fidcs of religion and government. To prevent which, there has been much thought employed of late upon certain projects for taking oiF the force and edge of thofe formidable inquir¬ ers, from canvaffing and reafoning upon fuch deli¬ cate points. They have at length fixed upon one, which will require fome time as well as coft to per¬ fect. Mean while, the danger hourly incrcaling, by new levies of wits, all appointed (as there is rea- fon to fear) with pen, ink, and paper, which may, at an hour’s warning, be drawn out into pamphlets, and other offenlive weapons, ready for immediate execution ; it was judged of abfolute neceflity, that fome prcfent expedient be thought on, till the main defign can be brought to maturity. To this end, at a grind committee, fome days ago, this import¬ ant difeovery was made by a certain curious and re¬ fined obferver, That feamen have a cuftom, when they meet a Tvhnle, to fling him out an empty tub by way of amufement, to divert him from laying violent hands upon the {hip. This parable was im¬ mediately mythologifcd. The wha/e was interpret¬ ed to be H'jbia'i Leviathan \ which tofies and plays with all kh jmes of religion and government, where- Vol. I. E of 34 A TALE OF A TUB. of a great many are hollow, and dry, and empty, and noify, and wooden, and given to rotation. This is the Leviathan , from whence the terrible wits of our agearefaidto borrow their weapons. The Jhip in danger, is eahly underftood to be its old an¬ titype, the commonwealth . But how to analyfe the tub , was a matter of difficulty ; when, after long inquiry and debate, the literal meaning was preferv- ed: and it was decreed, that, in order to prevent thefe Liviathuns from tolling and fporting with the commonwealth , which of itfelf is too apt to JluEhiatc, they ffiould be diverted from that game by a Tale of a Tub. And my genius being conceived to lie not unhappily that way, I had the honour done me to be engaged in the performance. This is the foie delign in publilhing the following treatife; which I hope v r ill ferve for an interim of fome months to employ thole unquiet fpirits, till the perfecting of that great work : into the fecret of which, it is reafonable the courteous reader fhould have fome little light. It is intended, that a large academy be erefred, capable of containing nine thoufand feven hundred- forty and three perfons ; which, by model! compu¬ tation, is reckoned to be pretty near the current number of wits in this illand. Thefe are to be dif- pofed into the feveral fchools of this academy, and there purfue thofe iludies to which their genius moll inclines them. The undertaker himfelf will publilh his propofals with all convenient fpeed ; to which I lhall refer the curious reader for a more particular account, mentioning at prefent only a few of the principal fchools. There is, firft, a large peclerajlic fchool, with French and Italian mailers : there is, alfo, the fpelting fchool, a very fpacious building ; the Ichool of looking-glajfcs ; the fchool of fwearing • the fchool of critics ; the fchool of falivation ; the fchool of hobby-horfes ; the fchool of poetry ; the The Preface . 3- fchool of tops * ; the fchool of fpleen ; the fchool of gaming ; with many others too tedious to recount. No perfon to be admitted member into any of thei'e fchools, without an atteftation under two iuificient perions hands, certifying him to be a wit. But to return : 1 am fufficiently inftrucled in the principal duty of a preface, if my genius were ca¬ pable of arriving at it. Thrice have I forced my imagination to make the tour of my invention, and thrice it has returned empty; the latter having been wholly drained by the following trcatife. Not fo my more fuccefsful brethren the moderns, who will by no means let llip a preface or dedication, with¬ out fome notable diftinguilhing ftroke to furprife the reader at the entry, and kindle a wonderful expectation of what is to enfue. Such was that of a moll ingenious poet, who, foliciting his brain for fomething new, compared himfeif to the hangman # and his patron to the patient. This was infigne , re - censy indicium ore aliof, When I went through that neceifary and noble courfe of ftudy 1,1 had the happi- nefs to obferve many fuch egregious touches ; which I fhall not injure the authors by tranlplanting; be- caufe I have remarked, that nothing is l'o very tender as a modern piece of wit, and which is apt to fuffer lb much in the carriage. Some things are extremely witty to-day, or fajling , or in this place , or at eight a clock, or over a bottle , or /poke by Mr. What d'y'calt'm, or in a fummer's morning ; any of the which, by the lmalleft tranfpofal or mifapplication, is utterly an¬ nihilate. Thus Wit has its walks and purlieus, out of which it may not ftray the breadth of an hair, • This I think the author fh^uld hav- omitted, it bring of the very fjme nature with the fctcJ of b bty borjn, it one may ven urr to cenfure one, who is fo fcvcrc a ccnfurer of others, pcihaps with too little diitindi n. f Hob. Something extraordinary, new, and nettr h't upon be¬ fore. X Reading prefaces, Gfe. E 2 upon 36 A TALE OF A TUB. upon peril of being loft. The moderns have art¬ fully fixed this mercury, and reduced it to the cir- cumftances of time, place, and perfon. Such a jeft there is, that will not pafs out of Covent-gar- den ; and fuch a one, that is no where intelligible but at Hyde-park corner. Now, though it fome- times tenderly affie&s me, to confider, that all the towardly paflages I fhall deliver in the following treatife, will grow quite out of date and relilh with the firft fhifting of the prefent feene; yet I muft needs fubferibe to the juftice of this proceeding ; becaufe I cannot imagine why we fhould be at ex- pence to furnilh wit for fucceeding ages, when the former have made no fort of provifion for ours : wherein I fpeak the fentiment of the very neweft, and confequently the moft orthodox refiners, as well as my own. However, being extremely fo- licitous, that every accomplifhed perfon, who has got into the tafte of wit calculated for this prefent month of Auguft 1697, fhould defeend to the very bottom of all the fublime throughout this treatife ; I hold fit to lay down this general maxim : What¬ ever reader delires to have a thorough comprehen- fion of an author’s thoughts, cannot take a better method, than by putting himfelf into the circum- ftances and poftures of life, that the writer was in upon every important pafiage, as it flowed from his pen: for this will introduce a parity and ftrief correfpendence of ideas between the reader and the author. Now, to afiifl: the diligent reader in fo delicate an affair, as far as brevity will permit, I have recolledled, that the flirewdefl: pieces of this treatife were conceived in bed, in a garret. At o- ther times, for a reafon beft known to myfelf, I thought fit to fharpen my invention with hunger ; and, in general, the whole work was begun, con¬ tinued, and ended, under a long courfe of phyfic, and a great want of money. Now, I do affirm, it will be abfolutely impoffible for the candid per- ufer The Preface. 37 ufer to along with me in a great many bright palTages, unlefs upon the feveral difficulties emer¬ gent," he will pleafe to capacitate and prepare him- lelf by thefe directions. And this I lay down as my principal pojlulatum. Becaufe I have profeflcd to be a moft devoted fervant of all modern forms, I apprehend feme cu¬ rious wit may obje true. I remember fuch reflexion* were cart about that t:mc, but I cannot fix the perfon intended here. F a ( A C 44 3 BT A TALE OF A TUB*. ' SECT. I. The INTRODUCTION f. W Hoever hath an ambition to be heard in a croud, rnuft prefs, and fqueeze, and thruft, and climb, with indefatigable pains, till he has exalted himfelf to a certain degree of altitude above them. Now, in all altemblies, though you wedge • The Tale of a Tub has made muth noife in the world. It was one of Swift’s earlieft performances, and has never been excel¬ led in wit and fpint by his own, or any Other pen. The cenfurtS that have palled upon it are vaiious. The molt material of which were fuch as refletfed upon Dr. Swift, in the character of a clergy¬ man, and a Chriftian. It has been one of the misfortunes attending Chriftianitv, that many of her fons, from a miftaken filial piety, have indulg’d themfelves in too reflrained and too melancholy a way of thinking. Can we wonder, then, if a book compofed with all the force of wit and humour, in derifion of facerdotal tyranny, in ridicule of grave hypocrify, and in contempt ot phlegmatic didntfs, Ihould be wilfully mifeondrued by fome perfons, and ignorantly mil- taken by others, as a farcafm and teficdlion upon the whole Chri- ftian church ? Sw ift's ungovernable fpirit of irony has fometimes carried hrm into very unwarrantable flights of wit. In the dyle of truth, I muft look upon the Tale of a Tub as no intended infult a- gainfl Chriftianity r but as a fatire againft the wild errors ot the church of Rome, the flow and incomplete reformation ot the Lutherans, and the abfurdand affefted zeal of the Prefbyteriam. Orrtry. f The Introduction abounds wkh wit and humour. But the author never lofes the lead opportunity of venting his keened fatire againft Mr. Drydcn, and confccjuentlv loads with infults the greated, although the lead profperous of our Englifh poets. Yet who can avoid fmiling, when he finds the Hind and Panther as i complete abftraft of fixtecn thoufand fchoolmen, and when Tommy Potts is fuppoled written by the lame hand, as a fupplement to the former work ? I am willing to imagine, that Dryden, in fome man¬ ner or other, had offended Swift, who, otherwife, I hope, would 71>t Intreducliox. ^ e< ^ 3 e thfm ever fo clofe, we may obfervc this pe- cuhar property, that over their heads there is room enough ; but how to reach it, is the difficult point: it being as hard to get quit of number, as of bell: - evade re ad auras. Hoc opus, hie labor eft ». To this end, the philofopher's way in all ages has been by creeling certain edifices in the air. Bur, whatever practice and reputation thefe kind of 1 fractures have formerly poffefled, or may hill continue in, not excepting even that of Socrates, when he was fufpended in a balket to help contem¬ plation ; 1 think, with due fubmiffion, they feem to labour under two inconvcniencics. Firft, That the foundations being laid too high, they have been ° ,' °" c °f fight, and ever out of hearing. Se¬ condly, lhat the materials, being very tranfitory. .Y. e ‘Uttered much from inclemencies of air, cfpc- cially in thefe north weft regions. r Therefore, towards the juft performance of this great work, there remain but three methods that I can think on ; whereof the wifdom of our ancef- tors being highly fenliblc, has, to encourage all a- lpiring adventurers, thought fit to ererft three wood¬ en machines for the ufe of thofc orators, who dc- ftre to talk much without interruption. Thefe are the pulpit, the ladder, and the ftage-itincrent. For' have teen more indulgent to the error, of a min oppreiTed bv tj, dnvea on by party, ,„J bewildered by religion.—Bur ihhouVa our fatmcal author, now and then may hive indalgcd hlmfdt in icm’e pe.fcnal antmd. ,e. or may have taken freedom, no, fo ptrfXr onfiflent wnl, that filrinn decency which ii required from ^clergy- nun; J-cr, throughout the whole piece there it a >e:n of ridicule fnd pood homoor, that laugh, pedantry and afT Union into the low-n grcc otiontempt, *nd expolrs the character of Peter and Tick in fwc«d’ Ter" *’ W ‘ ,lbe f ° rSi Cn - and ne '» “» •>= • But to return ard \i C w the chcarfu! Ikies: In this the talk anJ mjgh ylabvur lies. as 46 A TALE OF A TUB. as to the bar , though it be compounded of the fame matter, and defigned for the lame ufe, it cannot, however, be SEVEN and Now, the firft of thefe oratorial machines in place, as well as dignity, is the pulpit. Of pulpits there are in this ill and feveral forts; but I efteem only that made of timber from the jyba Caledonia which agrees very well with our climate. If it be upon its decay, it is the better, both for conveyance ot found, and for other reafons to be mentioned by and by. The degree of perfection in lhape and nze, 1 take to coniift in being extremely narrow with little ornament, and beft of all without a co¬ ver, (for, by ancient rule, it ought to be the only uncovered vejel xn every allembly, where it is right- fully ufed) by which means, from its near relem- blancc to a pillory, it will ever have a mighty influ- ence on human ears. Of ladders 1 need fay nothing. It is obferved by foreigners themlelves, to the honour of our coun¬ try, that we excell all nations in our practice and undemanding of this machine. The afceodine orators do not only oblige their audience in the a- greeable delivery, but the whole world in the early publication of their fpeechcs; which I look upon as the choiceft treafury of our Hritifh eloquence and whereof, I atn informed, that worthy citizen and bookleller, Mr. John Dunton, hath made a faithful and a painful collection, which he fhortly dcfigns to publifli in twelve volumes in folio, illu¬ strated with copper-plates: A work highly ufeful and curious, and altogether worthy of fuch a UaJl l. The 4 8 A TALE OF A TUB. The lift engine of orators is the Jlage-itinerant erefted with much fagacity, fub Jove pluvio , in tri - viis et quadriviis f. it is the great feminary of the two former, and its orators are fometimes prefer¬ red to the one, and fometimes to the other, in pro¬ portion to their defervings, there being a ftrict and perpetual intercourfc between all three. From this accurate deduction it is manifeft, that, for obtaining attention in public, there is of necef- fity required a fuperior pofition of place. But al¬ though this point be generally granted, yet the caufe is little agreed in ; and it leems to me, that very few philo fophers have fallen into a true, natural folution of this phenomenon. The deepeft account, and the moft fairly digefted of any I have yet met with, is this, That air being a heavy body, and therefore, according to the fyftem of Epicurus continually defeending, muft needs be more lb, when loaden and prefled down by words; which are alfo bodies of much weight and gravity, as it is manifeft from thofe deep impreffions they make and leave upon us; and therefore muft be delivered from a due altitude, or elfe they will neither carry a good aim, nor fall down with a fufficient force. Corpoream qiwque enim vocem conjlare fatendnm ejl % Etfonitum , quoniam pojfunt impellere fenfus *. Lucr. lib. 4. And I am the readier to favour this conjefhire, from a common obfervation, that, in the feveral affemblies of thefe orators, nature itfelf hath in- ftru&ed the hearers to hand with their mouths o- * Is the mountebank’s fhge, whofe orators the author determines cither to the gallous or a conventicle. -f- In the open air, and in rtreets where the greateft refort is. J Lucret. lib. 2 . * Tis certain then, that voice that thus can wound. Is all material j body every found. pen. ,< ’ c '- k ' • The Introduction. ^ pen, and everted parallel to the horizon, fo as thev may be interfered by a perpendicular line front the zenith to the centre of the earth. In which pofi- tion, if the audience be well compart, every one carries home a fliare, and little or nothing is loft. , 1 confe . 'here is fomething yet more refined in the contrivance and ftrurture of our modern thea- tres For, firll, the pit is funk below the ftage with due regard to the inftitution above deduced- that whatever weighty matter fhall be delivered '' hcthe J K be ,eai or gold, may fall plum T he rj°fl Ce , rta n CTlt,CS ' as 1 think thev arc Thrn’rK K Ch ^ °P Cncd l ° deVm,r 'hem. rhen the boxes are built round, and raifed to a J kCne ’ m deferen ceto the ladies ; be- caufe that large portion of wit laid out in railing pruriences and protuberances, is obferved to run much upon a line, and ever in a circle. The whi¬ ning pah ions, and little ftarved conceits, are gent- mi7d£ UP ’ b7 ^ ° Wn CXtrC,ne lcvit ' * to >he middle region; and there fix, and are frozen by the fr.g.d underftandmgs of the inhabitants. Bom- altry and buffoonry, by nature lofty and linht foar htgheft of all; and would be loft in the roof /. tbe Prudent architcrt had not, with much fore- contrlvcd for 'hem a fourth place called the Kvclvepenny gallery, and there planted a fuitable co -ony, "ho greedily intercept them in their paflage. Now this phyiico-logical feheme of oratorial re¬ ceptacles or machines, contains a great myftcry • being a type, align, an emblem, a Ldow, a fvm i 0 :^r 5 - anal0g ^ thc f P aci0l!S common- wealth of writers, and to thofe methods by which ic> nnift exalt themfclves to a certain eminency a- bove the inferior world. By the pulpit are adum¬ brated the writings of our modern faints in Great Lntain, as they have fpiritualifed and refin- tbem fron \ the drofs and groflnefs of fenle zad human reafon. Thc matter, as we have laid, v OL. 1. o . V - r I <2 5 o A TALE OF A TUB. is of rotten wood; and that upon two confidera* tions; bccaufe it is the quality of rotten wood to give light in the dark : And, fecondly, becaufe its cavities are full of worms ; which is a type with a pair of handles # , having a refpedt to the two prin¬ cipal qualifications of the orator, and the two dif¬ ferent fates attending upon his works. The ladder is an adequate fymbol of faftioti, and of poetry ; to both of which fo noble a number of authors are indebted for their fame. Of faction f y becaufe * * * # * » # * # # # # #*##*** Hiatus in ************ MS. ************ Of poetry . becaufe its orators do per or are with a long ; and, becaufe climbing up by flow degrees, Fate is fure to turn them off before they can reach within ma¬ ny fteps of the top; and becaufe it is a preferment attained by transferring a propriety, and a con¬ founding of meum and tuum. Under the Jlagc itinerant are couched thofe pro¬ ductions defigned for the pleafure and delight of mortal man ; fuch as, Sixpenny worth of wit> JVeJl - minfter drolleries , Delightful tales , Complete jefters , and the like; by which the writers of and for GRUB-STREET have in thefe latter ages fo nobly triumphed over Time ; have clipped his wings, pared his nails, filed his teeth, turned back his hour-glafs, blunted his fcythe, and drawn the hob¬ nails out of his flioes. It is under this clafs 1 have * The two principal qualifications of a fanatic preacher, are, his inward liqht, nd his head full of maggots ; and the two different fates of his writings arc to be burnt or worm eaten. -f Here is pretended a dcfetl in the manufeript; and this is very frequent with our author, either when he thinks he cannot fay any thing worth ending ; or when he has no mind to enter on the fubjett; or when it is a natter of little moment; or perhaps to amufe his Tender, whereof he is frequently very fond ; or, laftly, with lome fa- tiricai intention* - prefiuned Se£t. i. The Introduction. $ j prefumed to lift my prefent treatife, being juft come from having the honour conferred upon me, to be adopted a member of that illuftrious fraternity. Now, I am not unaware, how the productions of the Grub-Jlreet brotherhood have of late ye.irs frllen under many prejudices ; nor how it has been the perpetual employment of two junior ftart-up fo- cieties, to ridicule them and their authors, as un¬ worthy their eftablifhed poft in the commonwealth of an d learning. Their own conferences will eafily inform them, whom I mean. Nor has the world been fo negligent a looker-on, as not to ob- ferve the continual efforts made by the focieties of Grefham * and of Will’s f to edify a name and re¬ putation upon the ruin of OURS. And this is yet a more feeling grief to us, upon the regards of tendernefs as well as of juft ice, when we refleft on them proceedings not only as unjuft, but as un¬ grateful, undutiful, and unnatural. Ter how can. it be forgot by the world, or themfelves, to fay no¬ thing of our own records, which arc full and clear in the point, that they both arc feminaries, not Only of our planting , but our watering too? I am informed, our two rivals have lately made an offer to enter into the lifts with united forces, and chal- lenge us to a comparifon of books, both as to weight and number. In return to which, with li¬ cence from our prefident , I humbly offer two an- fwers. Firft, we fay, the propofal is like that which Archimedes made upon a /mailer affair ^ including an impoflibility in the pradicc ; for ™ here can they find feales of capacity enough for the firlt, or an arithmetician of capacity enough fo t * Grciham college was the place where the Rry*l fociett then m *' whe 2f c they removrd lo Crane eou t in Fleet-ftreet. T ill » coffeehoufe in Covrntg:.rd:n w« formerly the pi ice »l.erc the poets ufuilly met ; which, though it be ret (nth in n.c rtorv, in fome years mty be forgotten, lad wint th.s eiplinition. J- fix. About moring the earth. G 2 r A TALE OF A TUB. 5 * the fecond ? Secondly, we are ready to accept the challenge ; but with this condition, that a third in¬ different perfon be afiigned, to whofe impartial judgement it fhould be left to decide, which focie- ty each book, treatife, or pamphlet, do mod: pro¬ perly belong to. This point, God knows, is very far from being fixed at prefent : for we are ready to produce a catalogue of Tome thoufands, which in all common juftice ought to be intitled to our fraternity, but by the revolted and new-fangled writers mod perfidioufly aferibed to the others.’ Upon all which, we think it very unbecoming our prudence, that the determination fhould be remit¬ ted to the authors themfelves ; when our adverfa- ries, by briguing and caballing, have caufed fo u- niverfal a defection from us, that the greatefi: part of our fociety hath already deferted to them, and our neareft friends begin to ftand aloof, as if they were half-afhamed to own us. This is the utmofi: I am authorifed to fay upon fo ungrateful and melancholy a fubjedl ; becaufe we are extreme unwilling to inflame a controverfy, whofe continuance may be fo fatal to the interefls of us all; defiring much rather that things be ami¬ cably compofed ; and we fhall fo far advance on our fide, as to be ready to receive the two prodigals with open arms whenever they fhall think fit to return from their hujhs and their harlots ; which, I think, from the prefent courfe of their ffudies * they mod properly may be laid to be engaged in ; and, like an indulgent parent, continue to them our affedlion and our blefling. But the greatefi: maim given to that general re¬ ception which the writings of our fociety have for¬ merly received, (next to the tranfitory ffate of all fublunary things), hath been a fuperficial vein a- mong many readers of the prefent age, who will by * Virtiiofo experiments, and mod. rn comedies. no ^ <®?- But, then, bdlv h is IS ^tended with an you chufe with judgement ma ' vh,ch - u «Jefs and pay y OU with nothing’but a ^ Y °V " °° th » (juence of- thefe mnm , & tl UOnn » In confc- Atges have always choil-n to tPllths ’ tbe . Gr ubxan and their arts dnit up with' convt 7 ‘heir precepts anci fables; which haring been perh^" ° f t} ' pCS ful and curious in adorning ,| P ps more c:l re- necelhiry, it has fared wrh fhefMrvT aI, “Scther uhtal hue of coaches over-Wlt afto ' thc that the trarditorv rrazer< l,n \ r* P a, °tcd and gilt, and filled their imagination'rwIthTh 1 ^ thcire >' es * Are, as neither to regard „V™ °? tWard or the parts of th» f or . confider thc perfon We a Socreter^ToC of ^ JS& "^ay any bn g 2 fuff^f A r°? d ’ n ° r have been “? m,fll " d ^ndings, I from my friends to tr ’ i ^ muc 1 ,m portunitv .•rious diflertation’ upon thV" a . com P Ietc and labc- ourfociery. whlh’Tr P L nmC P rod '^ions of ^lsfort? e ’/ a S t S S ‘ hc i btaufif -d exter- "kly and deeply*couch d Nd and refined fVftem. “^V I . ,e,n thc ,n °h G- not doubt to' h v 0Dcn 1 and our Proteftant DifTentcr are defigned. W % ,K,nn the we fee the Pope, feated on his pontifical throng and adorned with his tuple crown. In the pidure of Mar* i 1 "* Lut ^ e [ a , ndth , e flrft reformers - And in the deferip.* tion ot Jack, we behold John Calvin and his difciples. The author’s arrows are chiefly o,reded again* Peter ar>d Jack. To Martin he Orrery * he indul S encc that the laws of allegory will permit. f By his coats, which he gave his Tons, the garment of the If- raelites is meant. JV. JVotton. An error (with fubmiffioo) of the learned commentator: for bv the coats are meant the doctrine and faith of Chtillianify, by th'e rumiLi: he ^x ounder ' fitted to aii,ime5 ’ t The New Teflamcnt. Se£l. 2. A TALE OF A TUB. j 9 your coats ; wherein you muft be very cxa£i^ to avoid the penalties l have appointed for every tranfgreffion or ritglett, upon which your future fortunes will en¬ tirely depend. I have alfo commanded in my will , that you jhould live together in one heufe , like brethren and friends ; for then you will be Jure to thrive , and not otherwife . Here the (lory fays, this good father died and the three Tons went all together to leek their for¬ tunes. I (hall not trouble you with recounting what ad¬ ventures they met for the firll feven years, any farther than by taking notice, that they cnfrcfully obferved their father’s will, and kept their coats in very good order; that they travelled through feve- ral countries, encountered a reafonable quantity of giants, and flew certain dragons. Being now arrived at the proper age for produc¬ ing themlclves, they came up to town, and fell in love with the ladies ; but efpeciafly three, who a- bout that time were in chief reputation; the Dutchefs d’Argent, Madame dc Grands Titres, and the Countels d’Orgueil *. On their firll ap¬ pearance, our three adventurers met with a very Dad reception ; and loon, with great fagacity, guefling out the realbn, they quickly began to im¬ prove in the good qualities of the town. They writ, and rallied, and rhymed, and fung, and laid, and faid nothing; they drank, and fought, and whored, and flept, and fworc, and took fnufTj they went to new plays on the firll night, haunted the chocolate-houlcs, beat the w r atch, lay on bulks, and got daps; they bilked liackney-coachmen, ran • Their miftrefles arc, the Dutehefi d’Argent, Mademoifclle de Grands Titres, and the Countefs d’OrguciJ, i. e. covetoufnefs, ambition, and pride ; which were the three great vices that the autient fathers inveighed agamft, as the tirll corruptions of Chrif- tlanity, IV, H 2 in 60 A TALE OF A TUB. in debt with fhop-keepers, and lay with their wives: They killed bailiffs, kicked ridlers down flairs, eat at Locket’s, loiter’d at Will’s; they talked of the drawing-room, and never came there ; dined with lords they never faw; whifpered a Dutchefs, and fpoke never a word ; expofed the fcrawls of their laundrefs for billetdoux of quality; came ever juft from court, and were never let^n in it; attended the levee Jub dio ; got a lift of peers by heart in one company, and with great familia¬ rity retailed them in another. Above all, they conftantly attended thofe committees of fenators, who are filent in the houfe, and loud in the coffee - houfe ; where they nightly adjourn to chew the cud P°^ cs » an< ^ are encompafied with a ring of difciples, who lie in wait to catch up their drop¬ pings. The three brothers had acquired forty o- ther qualifications of the like ftamp, too tedious to recount ; and, by confequence, were juftly rec¬ koned the moft accomplished perfons in the town. But all would not fuffice, and the ladies aforefaid continued ftill inflexible. To clear up which diffi- culty, I muft, with the reader’s good leave and patience, have recourfe to fome points of weight, which the authors of that age have not fufficiently illuftrated. For about this time it happened, a feCt arofe, whofe tenets obtained and fpread very far, efpe- cially in the grand monde , and among every body of good fafhion *. They worfhipped a fort of idol\> who, as their doctrine delivered, did daily create men by a kind of manufactory operation. This they placed in the higheft parts of the houfe, on an altar ereCted about three foot. He was fhewn in the pofture of a Perfian Emperor, Sea. 2. A TALE OF A TUB. 61 fitting on a fuperficies , with his legs interwoven under him. This god had a goofe for his enfign; whence it is, that fome learned men pretend to de¬ duce his original from Jupiter Capitolinus. At his left hand, beneath the altar, hell feemed to open, and catch at the animals the idol was creating : To prevent which, certain of his priefts hourly flung in pieces of the uninformed mafs or fubftance, and fometimes whole limbs already enlivened; which that horrid gulf infatiably lwallowed, terrible to behold. The goofe was alfo held a fubaltern divi¬ nity, or dtus minoruin gentium ; before whofe fhrine was facrifked that creature, whofe hourly food is human gore, and who is in fo great renown abroad for being the delight and favourite of the Egyptian Cercopithecus J. Millions of thefe animals were cruelly flaughtered every day, to appeafe the hun¬ ger of that confuming deity. The chief idol was alfo worlhipped as the inventor of the yard and needle \ whether as the god of Teamen, or on ac¬ count of certain other myftical attributes, hath not been fufHciently cleared. The worlhippers of this deity had alfo a fyftem of their belief, which feemed to turn upon the fol¬ lowing fundamentals. They held the univerfe to be a large fuit of deaths, which invejh every thing; that the earth is invejted by the air; the air is xn- vejled by the ftars ; and the ftars are invejled by the primum mobile. Look on this globe of earth, you will find it to be a very complete and fafhionable drefs. What is that which fome call land , but a fine coat faced with green ? or the fea , but a waift- coat of water-tabby ? Proceed to the particular works of the creation, you will find how curious journeyman Nature hath been, to trim up the vege¬ table beaux : Obferve how fparkifh a periwig adorns t The Egyptians worshipped a monkey; which anim.il it very fond of eating lice, ftiled here creatures that ferd on human gore. the 6 2 A TALE OF A TUB. the head of a beech, and what a fine doublet of white fattin is worn by the birch. To conclude from all, what is man himfelf but a microcoat *; or ra¬ ther a complete fuit of cloaths, with all its trim¬ mings ? As to his body, there can be no difpute. But examine even the acquirements of his mind, you will find them all contribute, in their order, towards furnifhing out an exact drefs. To inflance no more; is not religion a cloak ; honefty a pair tinent. Upon which he was taken up fhort, as one that fpoke irreverently of a viyflery • which doubt- lefs wa-s very ufeful and fignihcant, but ought not to be over-curioufly pried into, or nicely reafoned upon. And, in fhort, their father’s authority be¬ ing now confiderably funk, this expedient was al¬ lowed to ferve as a lawful difpenfation for wearing their full proportion of fllver fringe. A while after , was revived an old fafhion, long antiquated, of embroidery with Indian figures of men, women, and children *. Here they remem¬ bered but too well, how their father had always ab¬ horred this fafhion; that he made feveral paragraphs on purpoie, importing liis utter deteftation of it, and bellowing his everlafting curfe to his fons’ whenever they fhould wear it. For all this, in a few days, they appeared higher in the fafhion than any body elfe in the town. But they folved the matter, by faying, that thefe figures were not at all th tjame with thofe that were formerly worn, and were meant in the will. Befides, they did not wear them in the fenfe as forbidden by their father; but as they were a commendable cuftom, and of great ufe to the public. That thefe rigorous claufes in the will did therefore require fome allowance, and a favourable . * * ma 8 es °f Taints, the blefied virgin, and our Saviour an infant. rrP 1 ?' / ma £ es in church of Heme give him but too fair a handle, brothers remembered, See. Tne allegory here is direfl. W, Wet ton. inter- Seft.2. A TALE OF A TUB. p interpretation, and ought to be underflood cum g ratio fdiis. But faihions perpetually altering in that age, the fcholalfic brother grew weary of learching farther evafions, and folving everlaitkig contradictions. Refolved therefore, at all hazards, to comply with the modes of the world, they concerted matters to¬ gether, and agreed unanimouily, to lock up their father’s will in a jirong box*, brought out of Greece or Italy, I have forgotten which y and trouble them- felves no farther to examine it, but only refer to its authority whenever they thought fit. In confe- quence whereof, a while after, it grew a general mode to^vear an infinite number of points , moftof them tagged with filver . Upon which, the fcholar pronounced ex cathedra f, that points were abfo- lutely^urr paterno , as they might very well remem¬ ber. It is true, indeed, the falhion prescribed fomewhat more than were dire&ly named in the will; however, that they, as heirs general of their father, had power to make and add certain claufes for public emolument, though not deducible, toti- dem verbis y from the letter of the will; or elfe multa a bfin da fequerentur . This was underflood for canonical ; and therefore on the following Sunday they came to church all covered with points . The learned brother, fo often mentioned, was reckoned the beft fcholar in all that, or the next • The Papifts formerly forbad the people the ufe of feriptux in a vulgar tongue ; Peter therefore loci b up bit father's vrtll in a Jirong bc is like a dog at a feaft, whofe thoughts and fto-* mach arc wholly fet upon what the guefts fling away-, and confequently is apt to fliarl moft when there are the feweft bones. Thus much, I think, is fufficient to ferve by wav of addrefs to my patrons, the true modern critics ; and may very well atone for my paft fi- lence, as well as that which I am like to obferve for the future. I hope I have deferved fo well of their whole body, as to meet with generous and tender ufage from their hands. Supported by which expectation, 1 go on boldly to purlue thofe adven* tures already fo happily begun. SECT. Sect. 4. A TALE OF A TUB. SECT. IV. A TALE OF A TUB. T Have now with much pains and dudy conduc¬ ed the reader to a period, where he mud expeft to hear of great revolutions. For no iboner had our learned brother , fo often mentioned, got a warm houfe of his own over his head, than lie be¬ gan to look big, and take mightily upon him ; in- iomuch that, unlefs the gentle reader, out of his great candour, will pleafe a little to exalt his idea, I am afraid he will henceforth hardly know the hero of the play, when he happens to meet him ; his part, his drefs, and his mien being fo ihucli altered. He told his brothers, he would have them to know that he was their elder, and confequently his father’s foie heir; nay, a while after he would not allow them to call him brother, but Mr. PE- ^ ER ; a *id then he mud be dyled Fathfr PE- 1 ER, and fometimes My Lord PETER, To fupport this grandeur, which he loon began to conlider could not be maintained without a better fonde than what he was borne to; after much thought, he cad about at lad to turn frejeflor and virtuofo ; wherein he fo well fucceedcd, that many famous difeoveries, projects, and machines, which bear great vogue and praCice at prefent in the world, are owing entirely to Lord PETER’s in¬ vention. I will deduce the bed account I have been able to colleC of the chief amongd them; without confidering much the order they came out in; becaufe, I think, authors arc not well agreed as to that point. L 2 I hope, g 4 A TALE OF A TUB. I hope, when this treatife of mine (hall be trans¬ lated into foreign languages, (as I may without vanity affirm, that the labour of collecting, the faithfulnels of recounting, and the great ufe*ul- nefs of the matter to the public, will amply deferve that juftice), that the worthy members of the feve- ral academUs abroad, efpecially thofe of France and Italy, will favourably accept thefe humble offers for the advancement of univerfai knowledge. I do alfo advertife the Moff Reverend Fathers the ealtefn miffionaries, that I have purely for their fakes, made ufe of fuch words and phrafes as will be ft admit an eafy turn into any of the oriental lan¬ guages, efpecially the Chinefe. And fo I proceed, with great content of mind, upon reflecting how much emolument this whole globe of the earth is like to reap by my labours. The fir A: undertaking of Lord Peter was, to pur- chafe a large continent *, lately faid to have been difeovered in Terra SluJlralis Incognita . I his traft of land he bought at a very great pennyworth from the difeovers themfelves, (though fome pretended to doubt whether they had ever been there), and then retailed it into feveral cantons to certain deal¬ ers, who carried over colonies, but were all Ship¬ wrecked in the voyage. Upon which Lord Peter fold the faid continent to other cuftomers again, and again , and again , and again, with the lame fuccefs. The fecond project I Shall mention was his Sove¬ reign remedy for the worms f, efpecially thofe in the fpleen. The patient was to # eat nothing after * That is purgatory. -f- Penance and absolution are played upon under the notion of a fovereign remedy for the worms, efpecially in the fpleen; which by abferving Peter’s prescription, would void infenfibly by perfpiration, afeending through the br. in, &c. tV, TP’otton, {upper. Se n ^oJg«nde5, the crcfs atufes thereof nrft gave occasion for the reformation. 86 A TALE OF A TUB. one and the other have been of great benefit to the undertakers, as well as of equal to the public. Lord Peter was alfo held the Original author of puppets and ravee^Jhows f ; the great ufefulnefs whereof being lb generally known, I lhall not en¬ large further upon this particular. But another difeovery, for which he was much renowned, was his famous univerfal pickle f. For having remarked, how your common pickle ||, in ufe among houfewives, was of no farther benefit than to preferve dead flefh, and certain kinds of vegetables ; Peter, with great coft, as well as art, haa contrived a pickle proper for houfes, gardens, towns, men, women, children, and cattle; where¬ in he could preferve them as found as infers in am¬ ber. Now, this fickle to the tafte, the fmell, and the fight, appeared exactly the fame with what is in common fervice for beef, and butter, and her¬ rings, and has been often that way applied with great fuccefs ; but for its many fovereign virtues, was a quite different thing. For Peter would put in a certain quantity of his powder pimperlhupimp **, after which it neverfailed of fuccefs. The operation was performed by fpargefaftion *, in a proper time of the moon. The patient, who was to be pickled , if it were a houfe, would infallibly be preferved from all fpiders, rats, and weazels; if the party affected were a dog, he Ihould be exempt from f I believe are the monkeries and ridiculous proceflions, Sec. a- mong the Papifts. J Holy water he calls an univerfal pickle, to preferve houfes, gar¬ dens, towns, men, women, children, and ca r tle, wherein he could preferve them as found as infers in amber. W , Wotton. || This is eafily underilood to be holy water, compofed of the fame ingredients with many other pickles. *# And becaufe holy water oift’ers only in confecration from com¬ mon water, therefore'he tells us, that his pickle by the powder of pimperlimpimp receives new virtues, though it differs not in fight nor fmell from the common pickles, which preferve beef, and but¬ ter, and herrings. W. ff'iMtcn, * Sprinkling. mange, Sea.4. A TALE OF A TUB. 8? madncfs and hunger. It alfo infalli- bh- took away all fcabs and lice, and fcald-heads from children ; never hindering the patient from any duty, either at bed or board. But of all Peter’s rarities, he moft valued a cer tain fet of bulls f, whofe race was by great fortune preferred in a lineal defcent from thofe that guard- td the golden fleece; (hough fome who pretended to obferve them cunoufly, doubted the breed had not been kept entirely chafte ; becaufe thev had degenerated from their anceftors in fome qualities and had acquired others very extraordinary, but a foreign mixture. The bulls of Colchos are record- ed to have brazen feet. But whether it happened by ill pafture and running, by an allay from inter¬ vention of other parents, from ftolcn intrigues • whether a weaknefs in their progenitors had im¬ paired the feminal virtue, or by a decline necclTanr through a long courfe of time, the originals of na¬ ture being depraved in thefe latter finful ages of ,t? the caufe, it is certain, that Lord Peter s bulls were extremely vitiated by the ruft of time, in the metal of their feet, which was now funk into common lea.!. However, the terrible roaring peculiar to their lineage, was pre¬ ferred ; as likewife, that faculty of breathing out fire from their noftrils \ ■ which notwithftanding many of their detractors took to be a feat of art and to be nothing lo terrible as it appeared, pro- r:d:n,:cJ bv »»* i ( o ">« here »e kinjs who incurred his difplealur.. grew Seft. 4. A TALE OF A TUB. Jp grew at laft fo very troublcfome to the neighbour¬ hood, that fome gentlemen of the nortb-vjefi cot a parcel of right Englilli bull-dogs , and baited them lo terribly, that they felt it ever after. I muft needs mention one more of Lord Peter’s projects, which was very extraordinary, and difco- vered him to be mailer of a high reach and pro¬ found invention. Whenever it happened that any rogue of Newgate was condemned to be hanged, Peter would oiler him a pardon for a certain fum of money; which when the poor caitiff had made all Units to lcrape up, and fend, bis lordjbip would return a piece of paper in this form * : “ T?*- U r y0rs > flieriffs > jailors, conftables, bai- «< i u ’ han S men » &c - Whereas we are inform- „ * d ’ that A ' B • remains in the hands of you, or lome oi- you, under the fentence of death • we „ ? vllland command you, upon light hereof, to (< Ie f th « (aid pnfoner depart to his own habitation, whether he hands condemned for murder fo- “ dom F» °P e * Sacrilege, incell, treafon, blafphe- my, &c. for which this lhall be your fufficient warrant. And if you fail hereof, G-d d-mn ‘ you and yours to all eternity. And fo we bid you heartily farewel. Your moft humble Man’s man. Emperor Peter.” The wretches trading to this, loft their lives and money too. I defire of thole, whom the learned among po- lterity will appoint for commentators upon this e- laborate treatife, that they will proceed with great eenenl pardon, fipred S grantln S ,hat il topped fometimes to bait, above two thoufand German leagues * ’ And that which was the good of it, he would fwear defperately all the while, that he never told a lie in his life ; and, at every word, “ Bv G- Gentle “ ? Cn ’ nothing but the truth;’and the „ 11 “T 1 brol1 ^cna eternally that will not believe In (hart, Peter grew fo fcandalous, that all the neighbourhood began in plain words to fav, he was no better than a knave. And his two brothers long weary of his ill ufage, refolved at laft to leave hmi, but hr ft they humbly defired a copv of their out ofmin ’ "’I 1 '? 1 !f d r°" lain ^ netted time n j d ’, * ndead °f granting this requeft, he called them damned fins of whores, rogues, traitors and the reft of the vile names he could mufter up’ However, while he was abroad one dav upon his projects, the two youngfters watched their oppor¬ tunity, made a fluft to come at the will , and took * Ct * ,a wra \i by which they prcfently faw how and ,he '"/• of °“ r Welled Saviour ;_ and if all the wood that is Ihewn for part. Of it van rolIrrLl n. ,umtny wou d fufficiently jufl.fy this farcafm. ' ** invent mToJItT' k “‘s"?.*"* ^ U P°" ">« rid,’colon, kVSE* 5 ami he « **. Land^fuly!^ * L °“"°’ " hicb ,rSV4ll « 1 f:0 ” Holy i runtlj'.f J the feriptures into the vulgar torgucs. grofsly 9 6 A TALE OF A TUB. . grofsly they had been abufed; their father having left them equal heirs, and ftriftly commanded, that whatever they got fhould lye in common a- mong them all. Purfuant to which, their next enterprifewas, to break open the cellar-door, and get a little good drink to fpirit and comfort their hearts J. In copying the will, they had met ano¬ ther precept againft whoring, divorce, and fepa- rate maintenance; upon which their next work was, to difeard their concubines, and fend for their wives ||. Whilft all this was in agitation, there enters a folicitor from Newgate, defiring Lord Peter would pleafe to procure a pardon lor a thief that was to be hanged to-morrow. But the two brothers told him, he was a coxcomb, to feek pardons from a fellow who deferved to be hanged much better than his client; and difeovered all the method of that impollure, in the fame form I de¬ livered it a while ago ; advifing th£ folicitor to put his friend upon obtaining a pardon from the king *. In the midfi of all this clutter and revolution, in comes Peter with a file of dragoons at his heels f ; and gathering from all hands what was in the wind, he and his gang, after feveral millions of feurrilites and curies, not very important here to repeat, by main force very fairly kicks them both out of doors J, and would never let them come un¬ der his roof from that day to this. X Adminiftered the cup to the laity at the communion, || Allowed the marriages of priefts. * Dire&ed penitents not to truft to pardons and abfolutions pro¬ cured for money ; but fent them to implore the mercy of God, from whence alone remiffion is to he obtained. By Peter’s dragoons is meant the civil power, which thofe princes who were bigotted to the Romifli fuperftition, employed againft the reformers. % The Pope touts all who diflent from him out of the church. SECT. Sect. 5. A dirreffion in the modern kind. 97 SECT. V. A digrejjion in the modern kind. AX^E, whom the world is pleafed to honour with the title of modern authors , ihould never have been able to compafs our great defign of an e- verlafting remembrance, and never-dying fame, if our endeavours had not been fo highly fcrviceable to the general good of mankind. This, 0 Uni- verje, is the adventurous attempt of xne thy fc- cretary ; --— Qiietnvis perferre laborem Sihidcty et induat ticftes vigilarc ferenas. To this end, I have feme time fincc, with a world of pains and art, difle&ed thecarcale of hu- 7 :hin nature , dnd read many uleful lectures upon the feveral parts, both containing and contained ; till at 1 lit ityw It fo ftrong, I could preferve it no longer. Upon which, 1 have been at a great cxpence to fit Up all the bones with exaef contexture, and in due fymmetry ; fo that I ain ready to lliew a very com¬ plete anatomy thereof to all curious gentlemen and others. But, not to digrefs farther in the midft of a digreilion, as I have known fome authors in- clofe digreflions in one another like a neft of boxes; I do affirm, that having carefully cut up human nature , 1 have found a very ftrange, new, and important difeoverv; that the public good of mankind is performed by two ways, inftruclion and diverfim • And I have farther proved in my faid fcvcral readings, (which perhaps the world may one day fee*, if I can prevail on any friend to (leal a 9? A TALE OF A TUB. copy, or on any certain gentleman of my admirer-, to be very importunate), that, as mankind is now difpofed,he receives much greater advantage by be¬ ing diverted than injtrufted; his epidemical difeafes being fajlidiofity , amorphy , and ofcitation ; whereas, in the prefent universal empire of wit and learn¬ ing, there feems but little matter left for inftruc- tion. However, in compliance with a lefion of great age and authority, I have attempted carrying the point in all its heights ; and accordingly, through¬ out this divine treatife, have lkilfully kneaded up both together, with a layer of utile, and a layer of dulce. When I confider how exceedingly our illuftrious moderns have eclipfed the weak glimmering lights of the ancients , and turned them out of the road of all fafliionable commerce, to a degree, that our choice town-wits, of mod refined accompiifhments, are in grave difpute, whether there have been ever any ancients or no *; in which point we are like to receive wonderful fatisfadlion from the mod ufefui labours and lucubrations of that worthy modern Dr. Bentley : I fay, when I confider all this, I can¬ not but bewail, that no famous modern hath ever yet attempted an univerfal fyftem, in a fmall port¬ able volume, of all things that are to be known, or believed, or imagined, or pra&ifed in life. I am however forced to acknowledge, that fuch an en- terprife was thought on fome time ago, by a great philofopher of O. Brafil *. The method he pro¬ posed, was by a certain curious receipt , a nojlrum , which, after his untimely death, I found among * The learned perfon here meant by our author, hath been en¬ deavouring to annihilate fo many antient writers, that, until he is pleafed to flop his hand, it will be dangerous to affirm, whether there have been any ancients in the world. * This is an imaginary ifland, of kin to that which is called the painters wives iJlarJ placed in fome unknown part of the ocean, mere- \'J at the fancy of the map-maker. his Se<5t. A digrtjjion in the modern kind. 99 his papers; and do here, out of my great affe&ion to the modern learned , prefent them with it; not doubting, it may one day day encourage fome wor¬ thy undertaker. “ You take fair correct copies* well bound in '| calftkin, and lettered at the back, of all modern bodies of ai ts and fciences whatfoever, and in || what language you pleale. Thefe you diftil in “ balnea Mari*, infufing quintcffence of poppy, q. f together with three pints of Uthe, to be had from || the apothecaries, You cleanfe away carefully the jordes and caput mortuum , letting all tliat is “ volatile evaporate. You preferve only the firft running, which is again to be diftilled feventeen times, till what remains will amount to about two “ drams - This you keep in a glafs vial hermetically c | foaled, for one and twenty days; then you be- gin your catholic treatife, taking every morning fafting, hr ft ihaking the vial, three drops of this elixir , fnuffing it ftrongly up your nofe. It will dilate itfeif about the brain (where there is any) in fourteen minutes, and you immediately || perceive in your head an infinite number of ab * |' Jlrafts, fummaries , compendium:, ext rafts, collec¬ tions, medulla 5 excerpta qua dams, Jlorilegia * s, and the like, all dilpofed into great order, and “ reducible upon paper.” I mutt needs own, it was by the afliftancc of this arcanum , that I though otherwife impar, have ad* ventured upon fo daring an attempt; never achiev¬ ed or undertaken before, but by a certain author called Homer*,' in whom, though otherwife a perfon not without fome abilities, and for an ancient of a tolerable genius, I have difeovered many grols errors, which are not to be forgiven his very afhes, if by chance any of them are left. For whereas we are allured, he defigned his work N 2 for 100 A TALE OF A TUB. for a complete body f of all knowledge, human, di¬ vine, political, and mechanic; it is manifeft, he hath wholly neglected fome, and been very imper¬ fect in the relt. For, lirft of all, as eminent a cabalijl as his difciples would reprefent him, his ac¬ count of the opus magnum is extremely poor and deficient ; he feems to have read but very fuperfi- t i illy either Sendivogus, Behmen, or Anthropo- fophia Theomagica *. He is alfo quite miftakeil about the fplxera pyroplajlica, a neglect not to be atoned for ; and, if the reader will admit fo fevere n ccnfure, vix crcdcrcm autorem hunc unquam andi- viffe ignis vocem. His failings are not lefs promi¬ nent in feveral parts of the mechanics. For, having read his writings with the utmoft application ufuat among modern wits , 1 could never yet difeover the lealt direction about the ftrufture of that ufeful in- ftrument, a five-all. For want of which, if the ?noderns had not lent their afliftance, we might ytt Lave wandered in the dark. But I have ftill behind, a fault far more notorious to tax this au¬ thor with; I mean, his grofs ignorance in the com¬ mon laws of this realm , ami in the doctrine, as well as difeipline of the church of England f : A defedt indeed, for which both he and all the ancients ftand mefk juftly cenfured by my worthy and inge¬ nious friend, Mr. Wotton, Batchelor of Divinitr, in his incomparable treatife of ancient and modern learning ; a book never to he fufficiently valued, t Homerus omnes res humanrfs perematis complcxus eft, Xc- roph. in cenvuv* *' & treatife written about fifty years ago, by a Welfti gcntlemarr of Cambridge. His name, as I remember,was Vaughan $ as appears by the anfwer to it written by the'*learned Dr. Henry Moor. It is a piece of the moft uninteligible f'uftian, that perhaps was ever publifil¬ ed in any language. 1" Mr. Wotton, (to whom our author never gives any quarter^, in his comparifon ol ancient and modern learning, nrmbers divinity, law, etc. among thofe parts ot knowledge wherein we excel the ancients. whether Scft 5. A digrcjjlon in the modern kind. \oi whether we confider the happy turns and flowings of the author’s wit, the great ufefulnefs of his fub- lime difcoveries upon the fubjeft of flies and /pit tie, or the laborious eloquence of his ftyle. And I cannot forbear doing that author the juftice of my public acknowledgments, for the great helps and liftings I had out of his incomparable piece, while I was penning this treatife. But, belides thefe omiilions in Homer, already mentioned, the curious reader will alfo obferve fe veral defects in that author’s writings, for which he is not altogether lo accountable. For whereas every branch of knowledge has received fuch won¬ derful acquirements llnce his age, efpecially within thele lalt three years, or thereabouts ; it is almoil impollible, he could be fo very perfect in modern difcoveries, as his advocates pretend. We freely acknowledge him to be the inventor of the compajs , of gun-powder, and the circulation of the blood. But 1 challenge any of his admirers, to ihew me in all his writings a complete account of the fplcen. Docs he not alio leave us wholly to feek in the art of politi¬ cal wagering ? What can be more defective and unfatisfa&ory than his long diflertation upon tea ? And as to his method of falivation without mercury , fo much celebrated of late, it is to my own know¬ ledge and experience, a thing very little to be re¬ lied on. It was to fupply fuch momentuous defers, that I have been prevailed on, after long folicitation, to take pen in hand ; and I dare venture to promife, the judicious reader fhall find nothing neglected here, that can be of ufe upon any emergency of life. I am confident to have included and exhauft- ed all that human imagination can rife or fill to. Particularly, I recommend to the perufal of the learned, certain dilcovcrics that are wholly un¬ touched by others ; whereof I iliall only mention, among a great many more, Aly nnv help for fmat- terers ; 1 02 A TALE OF A Ttffl. terers ; or, the art of being deep-learned, andfj allow- read: - A curious invention about moufe-traps : — An univerfal rule of reafon : or, Every man his own carver ; together with a moft ufeful engine for catching of owls . All which the judicious reader will find largely treated on in the feveral parts of this difeourfe. I hold myfelf obliged to give as much light as is pofiible, into the beauties and excellencies of what I am writing ; becaufe it is become the fafhion and humour mbft applauded among the ftrft authors of this polite and learned age, when they would cor¬ rect the ill-nature of critical, or inform the igno¬ rance of courteous readers. Befides, there have been feveral famous pieces lately published, both in verfe and profe; wherein, if the writers had not been pleafed, out of their great humanity and af¬ fection to the public, to give us a nice detail of the fublime and die admirable they contain * it is a thou- fand to one, whether wefhould ever have difeovered one grain of either. For my own particular, I cannot deny, that whatever I have faid upon this occafton, had been more proper in a preface, and more a- greeable to the mode, which ufually directs it thi¬ ther. But I here think fit to lay hold on that great and honourable privilege of being the lafi writer ; I claim an abfolute audiority in right, as the frefb- cjl modern, which gives me a defpotic power over all authors before me. In the ftrength of which title, I do utterly difapprove and declare againft that pernicious cuftom, of making the preface a bill of fare to the bock. For I have always looked upon it as a high point of indiferetion in monjler - mongers, and other retailers of Jlrange fights, to hang out a fair large picture over the door, drawn after the life, with a moft eloquent defeription un¬ derneath. This hath faved me many a three-pence; for my curiofity was fully fatisfied, and I never of¬ fered to go in, though often invited by the urging and Sod. 5. A dgrejjlon in the modern kind. 16 , and attending orator, with his laft moving and / landing piece of: rhetoric, “ Sir, upon my word, we are juic . § oln S to begin.” Such is exactly the fate, at this tune, of Prefaces, Epiftles , Advertifements, Intro¬ ductions, Prolegomena's, Apparatus's, To the readers. 1 his expedient was admirable at firft. Our great Dry den has long carried it as far as it would go and with incredible fucccfs. He hath often faid to me in confidence, that die world would have never lulpeded him to be lo great a poet, if he had not allured them lo frequently in his prefaces, that it was impoflible they could either doubt or forget it Perliaps it may be fo : However, I much fear, his mltructions have edified out of their place, and taught men to grow wifer in certain points, where he never intended they Ihould : For it is lament¬ able to behold, with what a lazy fcorn many of the yawning readers of our age do now-a-davs twirl over forty or fifty pages of preface and dedication, (which is the ufual mod m ftint), as if it were fo much Latin. Though it muft be alfo allowed, on the other hand, that a very confiderable number is known to proceed critics and wits, by reading no¬ thing elfe. Into which two faftions, I think all prefent readers may juftly be divided. Now, for myfelf, I profefs to be of the former fort; and therefore, having the modern inclination to expa- tiate upon the beauty of my own produaions, and dilplav the bright parts of my difeourfe, I thought bell to do it in the body of the work ; where, as it now hes, it makes a very confiderable addition to the bulk of the volume ; a cireumjlance by no meant to be neglected by a fkilful writer. Having thus paid my due deference and acknow¬ ledgment to an eftablifhed cuftom ofourneweft authors, by a long digrefion un/ought for, and an un i- verjal cenfure unprovoked ; by forcing into the light with much pains and dexterity, my own excellen¬ cies, and other mens defaults,' with great juftice to myfelf. 2*4 A TALE OF A TUB. inyfclf, and candour to them ; I now happily re¬ lume my fubjeft, to the infinite fatisfa&ion both of the reader and the author. WW' /V'^ i,, VV'VVYVWVVVVVVV''/VVVV s / >- SEC T. VI. A TALE OF A TUB. *TTAE left Lord Peter in open rupture with his two * * brethren ; both for ever difearded from his houfe, and religned to the wide world, with little or nothing to truft to. Which are circumftances that render them proper fubjefts for the charity of a writer’s pen to work on ; feenes of mifery ever affording the faireft harveft for great adventures. And in this the world may perceive the difference between the integrity of a generous author, and that of a common friend. The latter is obferved to adhere clofe in profperity, but, on the decline of fortune, to drop fuddenly off: whereas the ge¬ nerous author, juft on the contrary, rinds his hero on the dunghill, from thence by gradual fteps raif- es him to a throne, and then immediately with¬ draws, expecting not fo much as thanks for his pairs. In imitation of which example, I have pla¬ ced Lord Peter in a noble houfe, given him a title to wear, and money to fpend. There I fhall leave him for fome time ; returning where common cha¬ rity directs me, to the afliftance of his two bro¬ thers at their lowed: ebb. However, I fhall by no means forget my character of an hiftorian, to fol¬ low the truth, ftep by ftep, whatever happens, or wherever it may lead me. The two exiles, fo nearly united in fortune and intereft, took a lodging together; where, at th^ir firft Sett. 6. A TALE OF A TUB. 1 % firft Ieifure, theybegan to refleft on the numberiefs misfortunes and vexations of their life part • and could not tell, on the fudden, to what failure in thetr conduct they ought to impute them; when after iome recclleftion, they called to mind the copy of their father’s uUl, which they had fo hap- ■ P1 J r< '5 overed - f hls was immediately produced, and a hrm resolution taken between them, to alter whatever was already amifs, and reduce all their future meafures to the drifted obedience preferib- ed therein. The main body of the will (as the reader cannot eafily have forgot) confided in cer¬ tain admirable rules about the wearing of their coats: m the perufal whereof, the two brothers fk eVer vj )en0 ‘f dul > r comparing the doftrine with the practice, there was never feen a wider differ- '7° thingS; horrible . downright tranfgreffions of every point, Upon which they oth refolved, without further delay, to fall im¬ mediately upon reducing the whole exaftly after their father’s model. 7 But here it is good to dop the hady reader, ever impatient to fee the end of an adventure, before we writers can duly prepare him for it. I am to re- cord, that thefe two brothers began to be didin- gmfhed at this time by certain names. One of them defired to be called MARTIN *, an d the o- ther took the appellation of JACK f. Thefe two had lived in much friendlhip and agreement, under the tyranny of their brother Peter; as it is the ta- lent of fellow-,utftrers to do; men in misfortune being like men in the dark, to whom all colours the wo 5”“* a u Ut whcn J d? e y came forward into the woftd and began to d.fplay themfelves to each Dther, and to the light, their complexions appear¬ ed extremely different; which the prefent podure • Martin Luther. VOL.I. f John Calvin, Of ro 6 A TALE OF A TUB. of their affairs gave them a fudekh opportunity ta difeover. But here the fevere reader may juftly tax |me as a writer of fhort*memory ; a deficiency to which a true modern cannot but, of neceffity, be a little lub- je£t: becaufe memory being an employment of the mind upon things paft, is a faculty, for which the learned in our illuftrious age have no manner xff occafion, who deal entirely with invention , and ftrike all things out of .themfelves, or at leaft by collifion from each other: upon which account we think it highly reasonable to.produce our great for- getfulnefs, as an argument unanfwerable for our great wit, I ought, in method, to have informed the reader about fifty pages ago, of a fancy Lord Peter took, and infufed into his brothers, to wear on their coats whatever trimmings came up in fa- fhion; never pulling off any as they went out of the mode, but keeping on all together ; which a- mounted in time to a medley, the mod antic you can poflibly conceive; and this to a degree, that, upon the time of them falling out, there was hard¬ ly a thread of the original coat to be feen ; but an infinite quantity of lace , and ribbands , and fringe , and embroidery, and points \ (I mean only thofe tagged with filver *, for the reft fell off). Now, this material circumftance having been forgot in due place, as good fortune hath order¬ ed, comes in very properly here, when the two brothers are juft going to reform their veftures into the primitive ltate, preferibed by their father’s •will. They both unanimoufly entered upon this great work, looking fometimes on their coats, and fome- times on the will. Martin laid the firft hand; at * Points tagged with filver, are thofe doftrineS that promote the greatnefs and wealth of the church, which have been therefore woven deepeft in the body of Popery. one Sea. 6. A TALE OF A TUB. 107 one twitch brought off a large handful of points ; and, with a fecond puli, ftripped away ten dozen yards of fringe . But when he had gone thus far* he demurred a while. He knew very well, there yet remained a great deal more to be done. How¬ ever, the firft heat being over, his violence began to cool, and he refolved to proceed more mode¬ rately in the relt of the work ; having already nar¬ rowly eleaped aWwinging rent in pulling off the points , which, being tagged with filver , (as we have oblerved before, the judicious workman had with much fagacity double lbwn, to preferve them from falling . Refolving therefore to rid his coat of a huge quantity of gold lace , he picked up the hitch¬ es with much caution, and diligently gleaned out all the loole threads as he went; which proved to he a work of time. Then he fell alrt>ut the em¬ broidered Indian figures of men, women, and chil¬ dren ; again if which, as you have heard in its due place, their father’s teftament was extremely exa£t and fevere: thefe, with much dexterity and appli¬ cation, were,’ after a while, quite eradicated, or utterly defaced. For the reft, where he oblerved the embroidery to be worked fo clofe, as not to be got away without damaging the cloth, or where it ferved to hide or Arengthen any flaw in the body of the coat ; contra&ed by the perpetuaj tampering of workmen upon it; he concluded, the wilcfl eourfe was, to let it remain ; refolving in no cafe whatfoever, that the fubftance of the fluff ihoulil fuffer injury; which he thought the befl method for faring the true intent and meaning of his fir ther’s will. And this is the nearefl account I have been able to colieft of Martin’s proceedings upon this great revolution O z But % The cnriciftm of the Martinifts (whom we may fuppofe the of the church •! England) were, it is to be hoped, more caniirf 108 A TALE OF A TUB. But his brother Jackf, whofe adventures will be fo extraordinary, as to furnifh a great part in the remainder of this difcourfe, entered upon the mat¬ ter with other thoughts, and a quite different fpirit. For the memory of Lord Peter’s injuries produced a degree of hatred and fpite, which had a much greater lhare of inciting him, than any regards af¬ ter his father’s commands ; flnce thefe appeared at bed: only fecondary and fubfervient to the other, However, for this medley of humour he made a fhift to find a Very plaufible name, honouring it with the title of zeal ; which is perhaps the moft fignificant word that hath been ever yet produced in any language ; as, I think, I have fully proved in my excellent analytical difcourfe upon that fub? jeft; wherein I have deduced a hijlo* i-theo-phyfi-lo- gical account of zeal , ihcwing how it fir ft proceed? ed from a notion into a word, an from thence, in candid than thofc contained in the following note, for Martin is treated with a much lefs degree of farcafm than the other two bro¬ thers. The church of England can fcarce be angry at fuch a favour¬ able account of Luther; cfpecially as we have fince reformed from Luther himfelf, and, fo far as our judgements can teach us, have re- ftored our habits (till nearer to the original fafhion, which they bore at the perfection of the teftament. Orrery. \ In the character of Jack a fet of people were alarmed, who are eafily offended, and who can fcarce bear the cheerfuln^fs of a imile. In their dictionary, wit is only another name for wickednefs ; and the purer or more excellent the wit, the greater and more impious the abomination. However wide, therefore, the difference of Peter and Jack might have been in fafhioning their coats, the two brothers lnerft fincerely agreed in their hatred of an adverfary fo powerful as t-nis anonymous author. They fpared no unmannerly reflections up¬ on his character. They had recourfe to every kind of abufe that could reach him. And fometimes it was the work of Swift and his companions: fometimes not a fyliable of it was his work ; it was the work of one of his uncle’s Tons, a clergyman : and fometimes it was the work ot a perfon, who was to be namelefs. Each of thefe ma¬ licious conjectures reigned in its turn : and it will be found, that bold allertions. however falfe, almoft conftantly meet with fuccefs • a kind of triumph that woula appear one of the fevereft inflitutes of ♦ate, if time and truth did not foon obliterate all marks of the victo¬ ry. Orrery, a Sea. 6. A TALE OF A TUB. Jo() a hot fummer, ripened into a tangible fubjiance. This work, containing three large volumes in f<*- lio, I delign very lhortly to publilh by the modern way o (fubfeription; not doubting but the nobility and gentry of the land will give me all pollible en¬ couragement, having had already fuch a tafle of what I am able to perform. I record, therefore, that brother Jack, brim-full of this miraculous compound, refleaing with in¬ dignation upon Peter’s tyranny, and farther pro¬ voked by the defpondency of Martin, prefaced his refolutions to this purpofe. “ What,” faid he, " a rogue that locked up his drink, turned away “ our wives, cheated us of our fortunes, palmed “ his damned crufts upon us for mutton, and at “ lall kicked us out of doors; mull we be in his “ falliions, with a pox ! a rafcal, befides, that all “ the ftreet cries out againll.” Having thus kind¬ led and inflamed liimfelf as high as pollible, and by conlequence in a delicate temper for beginning a reformation, he fet about the work immediately, and in three minutes made more difpayrh than Martin had done in as many hours. For, courte¬ ous reader, you are given to underhand, that zeal is never fo highly obliged, as when you fet it a tear¬ ing ; and Jack, who doted on that quality in him- felf, allowed it at this time its full fwing/ Thus if happened, that Gripping down a parcel of gold lace a little too haflily, he rent the main body of his coat from top to bottom *, and whereas his talent was not of the happiefl in taking up a flitch , he knew no better way, than to darn it again with pack¬ thread and a Jlrwer. But the matter was yet infi¬ nitely worfe (I record it with tears) when he pro¬ ceeded to the embroidery ; for, being clumfy by na¬ ture, and of temper impatient ; withal, beholding millions of flitches that required the niccll hand, and fedatefl conflitution, to extr ; *te ; in a great rage he tore oh* the whole piece, cloth and all, and flung no A TALE OF A TUB. flung it into the kennel, and furioufly thus conti# nued his career: “ Ah, good brother Martin,” faid he, “ do as I do, for the love of God ; ftrip, “ tear, pull, rend, flay oft’all, that we may appear tc as unlike the rogue Peter as it is poflible. I il would not, for an huxdred pounds, carry the “ leaft mark about me, that might give occafion “ to the neighbours, of fufpefting that I was rer “ lated to fuch a rafcal. ,, But Martin, who at this time happened to be extremely' flegmatic and fedate, begged his brother, of all love, “ not to damage his coat by any means ; for he “ never would get fuch another: delired him to “ confider, that it was not their bufinefs to form “ their actions by any reflection upon Peter, but “ by obferving the rules prefcribed in their far 44 ther’s will: that he fhould remember, Peter was “ flill their brother, whatever faults or injuries he “ had committed; and therefore they fhould by all if means avoid fuch a thought, as that of taking “ meafures for good and evil, from no other rule “ than of oppolition to him : that it was true, the ‘‘ teftament of their good father was very exa£t in “ what related to the wearing of their coats; yet “ was it no lefs penal and ftridt in prefcribing a- “ greement, and friendfhip, and affecStion between “ them ; and therefore, if ftraining a point were “ at all difpenfable, it would certainly be fo, rather to the advance of unity, than increafeof contra- diction.” Martin had ftill proceeded as gravely as he began; and doubtlefs would have delivered an admirable lecture of morality, which might have exceedingly contributed to my reader’s repofe , both of body arid mind , the true ultimate end or ethics ; but Jack was already gone a flight-lhot beyond his patience. And as, in fcholaftic difputes, nothing ferves to roufe the fpleen of him that oppofes , fo much as a kind of pedantic affected calmnefs in the refpondent ; difputants * Sea.6. A TALE OF A TUB. Ut tlifputants being for the moft part like unequal fcales, where the gravity of one fide advances the light nefs of the other, and caufes it to fly up, and kick the beam: fo it happened here, that the weight of Martin’s arguments exalted Jack’s levity, and made him fly out and ipurn againif his brother’s mode¬ ration. In fhort, Martin’s patience put Jack in a rage. But that which meft afflicted him, was, to obferve his brother’s coat fo well reduced into the ftate of innocence; while his own was either wholly rent to his iliirt; or thole places which had efcaped his cruel clutches, were Bill in Peter's live¬ ry : fo that he looked like a drunken hear/, half rifled by bullies ; or like a frefh tenant of Newgate, when he has refufed the payment of garnifb; or like a difeovered Jhop-lifte' , left to the mercy of Exchange wome 1 * ; or like a bawd in her old velvet petticoat, refigned into the fecular hands of the mobile. Like any, or like all of thefe, a medley of rags and lace , and rents and fringes, unfortunate Jack did now appear. He would have been ex¬ tremely glad to fee his coat in the condition of Martin’s, but infinitely gladder to find that of Martin in the fame predicament with his. Howe¬ ver, fince neither of thefe was likely to come to pafs, he thought fit to lend the whole bufinefs ano¬ ther turn, and to drefs up neceflity into a virtue. Therefore, after as many of the /ox's arguments f as he could mufter up, for bringing Martin to rea - * The galleries over the piazzas In the Royal Exchange were for¬ merly filled with (hops, kept chirfly by women. The tame ufc wa* made of a building called the New Exchange in the Strand. Thu edifice has been pulled down; the (hopkeepers have removed from the Royal Exchange intoCornhiJl, and the adjacent ftreets ; and thne are now no remains of Exchange-women, but in Exeter ’change, and they arc no longer deemed the firft minifiers of falhion. “f fox in the fable, who having been caaeht in a trap, and loll his tail, ufed1 many arguments topcrfuade the reft tocutoft ihcira, that the Angularity of bit deformity might not expofe him to deri- Con. /on, m .. in A TALE OF A TUB. fon, he called it, or, as he meant it, into his own ragged, bobtailed condition ; and obfervinghe faid all to little purpofe ; what, alas ! was left for the forlorn Jack to do, but, after a million of fcur- rilities againft his brother, to run mad with fpleen, and fpite, and contradiction ? To be Ihort, here begun a mortal breach between thefe two. Jack went immediately to new lodgings, and in a few days it was for certain reported, that he had run out of his wits. In a fhort time after he appeared abroad, and confirmed the report, by falling into the oddeft wliimfies that ever a fick brain conceived. And now the little boys in the ftrects began to falute him with feveral names. Sometimes they would call him Jack the Bald\ ; fometimes, Jack wit/? a lantern t ; fometimes, Dutch Jack || ; fome¬ times French Hugh**- fometimes, Tom the Beg - g*r ft; and fometimes, Knocking Jack of the North . And it was under one, or fome, or all of thefe ap¬ pellations, which I leave the learned reader to de¬ termine, that he hath given rife to the moft illus¬ trious and epidemic feCt of JEolifts, who, with ho¬ nourable commemoration, do ftill acknowledge the renowned JACK for their author and founder. Of whofe original, as well as principles, I am now advancing to gratify the world with a very particu¬ lar account; - Mellco contingent cunfta leporc . *f That is, Calvin, from cafous , bald. t All thofe who pretend to inward light. II J ac k of Leyden, who gave rife to the Anabaptifls. * # The Hugonots, ft The Gueufes, by which name fome Prctcftants in Flanders were called. tt J°hn Knox, the reformer of Scotland. SECT. Sect. 7. A digrejfon in praife of digreffions. 11' SECT. VII. A digrejfon in praife of digrefions. J Have fometimes heard of an Iliad in a nut Jbeil- but it hath been my fortune to have much often- trfeen a nut Jbeil in an Iliad. There is no doubt that human life has received moft wonderful ad¬ vantages from both ; but to which of the two the world is chiefly indebted, I lhall leave among the curious, as a problem worthy of their utmoft en¬ quiry. For the invention of the latter, I think the commonwealth of learning is chiefly obliged to the great modern improvement of digrefions : the late refiements in knowledge running parallel to thofe of diet in our nation, which, among men ot a judicious tafte, are drefled up in various com¬ pounds, conflfting in foups and olio's, fricajfees and ragouts . •11 V is , trae> there is a fort of morofe, detracting, ill-bred people, who pretend utterly to difrelilh thefe polite innovations. And as to the fimilitude from diet, they allow the parallel ; but are fo bold to pronounce the example itfelf, a corruption and de¬ generacy of tafte. They tell us, that the falhion ot jumbling fifty things together in a difh, was at firft introduced in compliance to a depraved and de¬ bauched appetite, as well as to a crazy conftituti.n: and to fee a man hunting through an olio after the head and trains of a goof*, a widgeon, or a w odcock, is a lign he wants a ftomach and digeftion for more lubftantial victuals. Farther, they affirm, that di¬ grefions in a book are like foreign troops in a Jlate, which argue die nation to want a heart and Land’s Vol. I. p 114 A TALE OF A TUB. of its own ; and often either Jubdue the natives , or drive them into the mod: unfruitful corners. But, after all that can be obje&ed by thcfe fuper- cilious cenfors, it is manifeft, the fociety of writers would quickly be reduced to a very inconfiderablc number, if men were put upon making books, with the fatal confinement of delivering nothing beyond what is to the purpofe. It is acknowledged, that were the cafe the fame among us, as with the Greeks and Romans, when learning was in its cradle 9 to be reared, and fed, and clothed by invention ; it would be an eafy talk to fill up volumes upon particular oc- cafions, without farther expatiating from the fub- je£t, than by moderate excurfions, helping to ad¬ vance or clear the main defign. But with knowledge it has fared as with a numerous army, encamped in a fruitful country; which for a few days maintains itfelf by the product of the foil it is on ; till, pro- vifions being fpent, they are fent to forage many a mile, among friends or enemies, it matters not. Mean while, the neighbouring fields, trampled and beaten down, become barren and dry, atfording no fuftenance but clouds of dult. The whole courfe of things being thus entirely changed between us and the ancients , and the mo¬ derns wifely fenlible of it; we of this age have dis¬ covered a lhorter, and more prudent method, to become fbolars and wit*, without the fatigue of reading or of t bn king . The moft accomplifhed way of uling books at prefent, is twofold : either’ firft, to ferve them as fome men do lords , learn their titles exactly, and then brag of their acquaintance; or, fecondly, which is indeed the choicer, the pro¬ founder, and politer method, to get a thorough inlight into the i drx, by which the whole book is governed and turned, like fijhes by the tail. For to enter the palace of learning at the great gate> requires an expence of time and forms ; therefore men of much halle and little ceremony are content to Se&. 7. A digrejflon in praife of digrefftons. 11 j to get in by the back-door. For the arts are all in *fy‘ng march, and therefore more eafily 1'ubdued bv attacking them in the rear. Thus phyficians dii- cover the date of the whole body, by confulting only what comes from behind. Thus men catch knowledge by throwing their wit on the pcjieriors or a book, as boys do fparrows with flinging fait upon their tails. Thus human life is beft under- ftood by the wife man’s rule of regarding the end. lhus are the fciences found, like Hercules’s oxen, by tracing them backwards. Thus are old fciences unravelled like old Jlochings, by beginning at the Belides all this, the army of the fciences hath been of late, with a world of martial difeipline, drawn into its clofe order, fo that a view, or a muf- ter may be taken of it with abundance of expedi- tton. For this great bleffing we are wholly indebt- ed to fyjtems and abJlraSis, in which the modern fa¬ thers of learning, like prudent ufurers, fpent their iweat for the eafe of us their children. For labour is the feed of idlenefs, and it is the peculiar happi- nels of our noble age to gather the fruit, r k T ° w > jhe method of growing wife, learned, and J'T'flf' ha y in g become fo regular an affair, and fo eftablifhed in all its forms ; the number of writers muft needs have increafed accordingly, and to a pitch that has made it of abfolute neceflity for them to interfere continually with each other. Belides it is reckoned, that there is not, at this prefent, a fufficipnt quantity of new matter left in nature to furnifh and adorn any one particular fubjeff to the extent of a volume. This I aha told by a very lkil- rul computer, who hath given a full demonftration of it from rules of arithmetic. This, perhaps, may be obje&cd againft bv thofc who maintain the infinity of matter, and therefore will not allow that any fpecies of it can be exhaufl- cd. For anfwcr to which, let us examine the no- p 2 blelf A TALE OF A TUB. bleft branch of modern wit or invention, planted and cultivated by the prefcnt age, and which of all others, hath borne the mod: and the faired: fruit. For tho’ fome remains of it were left us by the an¬ cients, yet have not any of thofe, as I remember, been tranflated, or compiled into fyftems for modern ufe. Therefore we may affirm, to our own ho¬ nour, that it hath, in fome fort, been both invent¬ ed and brought to a perfection by the fame hands. What I mean is, that highlyrcelebrated talent a- mong the modern wits, of deducing fimilitudes, al- luiions, and applications, very furprifing, agreea¬ ble, and appolite, from the pudenda of either fex, together with their proper ufes. And truly, having oblerved how little invention bears any vogue, be¬ sides what is derived into thefe channels, 1 have fometimes had a thought, that the happy genius of our age and country was prophetically held forth by that ancient typical defcription of the Indian pygmies ; whofe Jlature did not exceed above two foot: Jed quorum pudenda crajfa, et ad talos ufque pert ingen - tia *. Now, I have been very curious to infpecd: the late productions, wherein the beauties of this kind have mod: prominently appeared. And although this vein hath bled fo freely, and all endeavours have been ufed in the power of human breath to dilate, extend, and keep it open; like the Scythi¬ ans, who had a cujlom 7 and an injlrument , to blow up the privities of their mares, that they might yield the more milk\ ; yet I am under an apprehenfion, it is near growing dry, and pad: all recovery ; and that either fome new fonde of wit ihould, if poflible, be provided, or elfe that we mud: e’en be content with repetition here, as well as upon all other oc- cadons. This will ftand as an inconteftible argument, that Se£t. 7. A digreffion in praife of digfeJfwns K \ 17 our modern wits are not to reckon upon the infinity of matter, for a conftant fupply. What remains therefore, but that our laft recourie muft be had to large indexes , and little compendiums? Quotations muft be plentifully gathered, and booked in alpha¬ bet. To this end, though authors need be little confulted, yet critics, and commentators , and lexi¬ cons, carefully mult. But above all, thofe judici¬ ous collectors of bright parts , and flozuers , and ob- fervanda s, are to be nicely dwelt on, byfome called the fuves and boulters of learning ; though it is left undetermined, whether they dealt in pearls or meal; and conlequently, whether we are more to value that which paffed through , or what fluid behind. By thele methods, in a few weeks, there ftarts up many a writer, capable of managing the profound- eft, and moft univerfal fubjeCts. For what though his head be empty, provided his common-place bock be full? And if you will bate him but the circum- ftances of method, and flyley and grammar, inven¬ tion ; allow him but die common privileges of tran- icribing from others, and digrefling from himfelf, as often as he lhall fee occafion ; he will defire no more ingredients towards fitting up a treatife, that lhall make a very comely figure on a bookfeller’s ihelf, there to be preferved neat and clean for a long eternity, adorned with the heraldry of its title fairly infcribed on a label; never to be thumbed or greafed by ftudents, nor bound to everla chains of darknefs in a library; but when the nefs of time is come, lhall happily undergo the of purgatory, in order to afcend the fly, Without thefe allowances, how is it poflible we modern wits fhould ever have an opportunity to in¬ troduce our collections, lifted under fo many thou¬ sand heads of a different nature ? for want of which the learned world would be deprived of infinite de¬ light, as well as inftruCtion, and we ourfclvcs bu¬ ried n8 A TALE OF A TUB. riecf beydrid redtefs in an inglorious and undiftin- guiflied oblivion. From fuch elements as thefe, I am alive to be¬ hold the day, wherein the corporation of authors can outvie all its brethren in the guild: A happinefs derived to us, with a great many others, from our Scythian anceftors; among whom the number of f ens was fo infinite, that the Grecian eloquence had no other way of exprefling it, than by faying, “ that “ in the regions far to the no* th , it was hardly pof- i( iible for a man to travel, the very air was fo r£- plete with feathers* ” The neceflity of this digreflion will eafily excufe the length ; and I have chofen for it as proper a place as I could readily find. If the judicious read¬ er can afllgn a fitter, 1 do here impower him to re¬ move it into any other corner he pleafes. And fo I return, with great alacrity, to purfue a more im¬ portant concern. sect. vnr. A TALE OF A TUB. r T'HE learned ^Eoliftsf maintain the original caufe of all things tQ be wind, from which principle this whole univerfe was at firA produced, and into which it muff at lafl: be rcfolved ; that the fame breath which had kindled and blew up the flame of narare, fhould one day blow it out . £>uod prccul a nobis fleet at fortuna gtibernans . This is what the adept i underhand by their anima * He odot. I. 4. f Ail pretenders to i.sfp’ration whatfoever, mundi; Sea. 8. A TALE OF A TUB. Il9 munch ; that is to fay, the fpirit, or breath , or wind oi: the world. For examine the whole fyftem by the particulars of nature, and you will find it not to be difputed. For whether you pleafe to call the forma informant of man, by the name of fpiritus, animus, afflatus, or anima ; what are all thefe but feveral appellations for wind? which is the ruling element in every compound, and into which they all refolve upon their corruption. Farther, what is life itfelf, but, as it is commonly called, the breath of our noftrils ? Whence it is very juftly obferved by naturalifts, that wind ftill continues of great e- molument in certain mjfleries not to be named, gi¬ ving occallon for thofe happy epithets of turgidus 9 and inflates % applied either to the enuttent or red • fient organs. By what I have gathered out of ancient records, I find the comfaf of their dodlrine took in two and thirty points, wherein it would be tedious to be very particular. However, a few of their molt import¬ ant precepts, deduciblc from it, are by no means to be omitted ; among v hich the following maxim was of much weight, That fince wind had the maftcr- ihare, as well as operation in every compound, by confequence, thofe beings muft be of chief excel¬ lence, wherein that primo'dium appears moft pro¬ minently to abound ; and therefore man is in high¬ er perfection of all created things, as having, by the great bounty of philofophcrs/been endued with three diftirdl an nus or u.nds, to which the fage -tEoliJ'rs, with much liberality, have added a fourth of equal necellity, as well as ornament, with the other three ; by this quartum principtum , taking in our four corners of the world ; which gave occa- fion to that renowned cabalijt , Bombalius *, of pl a - • This is one of the names of Paracelfu;. phorus Theoph.altjs Pajacclfus Bombat'.us He was called Chrifo- cmg a 120 A TALE OF A TUB. cing the body of man in due pofition to the four cardinal points. In confequence of this, their next principle was* That man brings with him into the world a peculiar portion or grain of wind , which may be called a quinta effentia , extracted from the other four. This quinteffence is of a catholic ufe upon all emergencies of life, is improvable into all arts and fciences, and may be wonderfully refined, as well as enlarged, by certain methods in education. This, when blcnun up to its perfection, ought not to be covetoufly hoarded up, ftifled, or hid under a bufhel, but freely communicated to mankind. Upon thefe rea- fons, and others of equal weight, the wife iEolifts afiim the gift of BELCHING to be the nobleft aCt of a rational creature. To cultivate which art, and render it more ferviceable to mankind, they made ufe of feveral methods. At certain feafons of the year, you might behold the priefts among them in vaft numbers, with their months gaping wide enough againjl a Jlorm *. At other times were to be feen, feveral hundreds linked together in a circular chain, with every man a pair of bellows applied to his neighbour’s breech, by which they blew up each other to the Ihape and fize of a tun ; and for that reafon, with great propriety of fpeech, did ufually call their bodies their vcffels . When, by thefe and the like performances, they were grown fufficiently replete, they would immediately depart, and difem- bogue, for the public good, a plentiful fhare of their acquirements into their difciples chaps. For we muft here obferve, that all learning was efteem- ed among them to be compounded from the fame principle: Becaufe, firfl, it is generally affirmed, or confeffed, that learning pujfeth men up ; and, fecondly, they proved it by the following fyllogifm: * This is meant of thofe feditions preachers, who blow up the feeds of rebellion. &c. Sett.8 . A TALE OF A TUB. j 2 i Words are but -wind ; and learning is nothing but words- ergo, learning is nothing but -wind. For "this reai'on’ the philolophers among them did, in their fchools deliver to their pupils, all their doctrines and opi¬ nions by emulation, wherein they had acquired a wonderful eloquence, and of incredible variety ±Sut the great characterise by which their chief l^es were belt dillinguiihed, was a certain pofition ot countenance, which gave undoubted intelligence to what degree or proportion the fpirit agitated die inward mais For, after certain gripings, the uifid and vapours llTumg forth; having hilt, by dieir turbulence and convuliions widiin, caufed anearth- quake in man’s little world ; diltorted the mouth, bloated the cheeks, and gave the eyes a terrible kind ot rehevo. At which junctures, all their belches were received for facred, the fourer the bet- ter, and fwallowed with infinite confolation by their meagre devotees. And to render thefe yet more complete ; becaufe the breath of man’s life is in his noftrils, therefore the choiceft, molt edifying, and molt enlivening belches were very wifely conveyed through that vehicle, to give them a tinCturc as they Iheir gods were the four winds, whom they worth ipped, as the fpirits that pervade and enliven the umverfe, and as thofe from whom alone all in- Jpiration can properly be faid to proceed. Howe¬ ver, the chief ot thefe, to whom they performed the adoration of / atria *, was the almighty North ■ an ancient deity, whom the inhabitants of Megalo¬ polis in Greece had likewife in the higheft reve- , r i‘. nce : rjTn,uurn deorum Bor earn max’me ^celebrant +. I his god, though endued with ubiquity was yet fuppofed by the profounder Aiolifts, to poflefs one peculiar habitation, or (to fpeak in form) a cerium + teW WOrfll ' r wh!ch ’* r * !d cnl . v 10 ,hc Supreme Deiiy. VOL. I. empy 122 A TALE OF A TUB. empyraum , wherein he was more intimately prefent. This was lituated in a certain region, well known to the ancient Greeks, by them called or, the land of darkntfs. And although many controveriies have arifen upon that matter; yet fo much is undis¬ puted, that, from a region of the like denomination , the mod refined ALolifts have borrowed their ori¬ ginal ; from whence, in every age, the zealous a- mong their priefthood have brought over their choiceft infpiration ; fetching it, with their own hands, from the fountain-head, in certain bladders , and difploding it among the Sectaries in all nations; who did, and do, and ever will, daily gafp and pant after it. Now, their myfteries and rites were performed in this manner. It is well known among the learned, that the virtuofos of former ages had a contrivance for carrying and preferring winds in calks or bar¬ rels, which was of great aflifrance upon long fea- voyages; and the lofs of fo ufeful an art at prefent is very much to be lamented, although, I know not how, with great negligence omitted by Pancirollus *. It was an invention afcribed to Atolus himfelf, from whom this fe<£t is denominated; and who, in ho¬ nour of their founder’s memory, have to this day preferved great numbers of thofe barrels , whereof they fix one in each of their temples, firff beating put the top. Into this barrel , upon Solemn da] s, the prieft enters; where, having before duly pre¬ pared himfelf, by the methods already defcribed, a Secret funnel is alfo conveyed from his pofteriors to the bottom of the barrel, which admits new Supplies of infpiration from a northern chink or cranny. Whereupon you behold him Swell imme¬ diately to the Shape and Size of his veffel. In this poiture he difembogues whole tempefts upon his * An author who writ De artilus perdlis , See. of arts loft, ar.d of arts invented* . auditory, Sett. 8. A TALE OF A TUB. 123 auditory, as the fpirit from beneath gives him ut¬ terance ; w hich, i(Tiling ex adytis et pnietralibus , is not performed without much pain and gripings. And the wind in breaking forth, deals with his face as it does w r ith that of the Tea ; firft blackening , then wrinkling, and at la ft bur/ling it into a foam f. It is in this guife the facred Aolift delivers his oracular belches to his panting difciples; of Whom Tome are greedily gaping after the fanftified breath ? others are all the while hymning out the praifes of the winds ; and, gently w r afted to and fro by their own humming, do thus reprefent the foft breezes of their deities appealed. It is from this cuftom of the priefts, that fome authors maintain thefe .ZEolifts to have been very ancient in the v’orld ; becaufe the delivery of their m ) fteries, w’hich I have juft noiv mentioned, appears exactly the lame w T ith that of other ancient oracles, whofe infpirations tvere owing to certain fubtera- neous effluviums of wind , delivered with the fame pain to the prieft, and much about the fame influence on the people. It is true, indeed, that thele w’ere frequently managed and directed by fe¬ male officers, whofe organs were underftood to be better difpofed for the admiffion of thofe oracular gujls) as entering and paffing up through a recepta¬ cle of greater capacity, and cauling alio a pruriency by the way, Inch as, with due management, hath been refined from carnal into a fpiritual ceftafv. And, to ftrengthen this profound conje&ure, it is farther infilled, that this cuftom oi female priefts* is kept up frill in certain refined colleges of our no- dern Aolifts, who are agreed to receive their infpi- ration, derived through the receptacle aforefaid, like their anceftors, the Sibyls . f This is an craft dcfcr;pt:on of the changes made in the face by enthufiaflic preachers. * • (Quakers, who luiTcr ihcir women to preach and pray. And 124 A TALE OF A TUB. And whereas the mind of man, when he gives the fpur and bridle to his thoughts, doth never hop, but naturally fallies out into both extremes of high and low, of good and evil; his Aril flight of fancy commonly tranfports him to ideas of what is moll perfect,linilhed, and exalted; till having foared out of his own reach and light, not well perceiving how near the frontiers of height and depth border upon each other, with the fame courfe and wing, he falls down plum into the lowell bottom of things; like one who travels the eaft into the vjcJI ; or like a ftrait line drawn by its own length into a circle. Whether a tin&ure of malice in our natures makes us fond of furnilhing every bright idea with its re- verfe ; or whether reafon, reflecting upon the fum of things, can, like the fun, ferve only to enlight¬ en one half of the globe, leaving the other half by neceflity under lhade and darknefs; or whether fancy, flying up to the imagination of what is high- ell and bell, becomes over-lhort, and fpent, and weary, and fuddenly falls, like a dead bird of para- dife, to the ground : or whether, after all thefe me - taphyfical conjectures, I have not entirely mifled the true reafon ; the propolition, however, which hath flood me in fo much circumllance, is altogether true, That, as the moll uncivilized parts of man¬ kind have fome way or other climbed up into the conception of a god y or fupreme power, fo they have feidom forgot to provide their fears with cer¬ tain ghallly notions, which, inllead of better, have ferved them pretty tolerably for a devil. And this proceeding feems to be natural enough : for it is with men, whofe imaginations are lifted up very high, after the fame rate as with thofe whofe bodies are fo ; that as they are delighted with the advan¬ tage of a nearer contemplation upwards, fo they are equally terrified with the difmal profpeCt of the pre¬ cipice below. Thus, in the choice of a devil , it hath been the ufual method of mankind, to Angle out Sea. 8. A TALE OF A TUB. t25 w'll [n"m ^ at u Cr ' n ^ ° r ' n vifion > whkh 5 ““ ?° an »^«hy to the god they had framed. : 0 r fe ?* ^ olifts P° ircired themfelves with a dread, and horror, and hatred of two ma- hgnant natures, betwixt whom and the deities they r- ° le 7 P e fPctual enmity was eftablifhed. The rll°n ! WaS r thC Ca r li ° n ** f ' VOrn f °* to injp- ration, who, in fcorn, devoured large inlluences of rrTn g t° d ’ 'Vru OUt ^funding the fmalleft blaft by caS Am, r fhe ° thCr T 15 a huge terriblc mon fter, called \ Minim a vent, who, with four ftrong arms waged eternal battle with all their divinities, dex- troufly turning to avoid their blows, and repay them with mtereft. 1 1 Thus furnhhed, and fet out with cods, as well as dtvi/s, was the renowned left of JEolifts; which makes at this day lo llluftnous a figure in the world, and whereof that polite nation of Laplanders are, beyond all doubt, a moll authentic branch: of whom I therefore cannot, without injullice, here omit to make honourable mention ; lincc they ap- pear to be fo clolely allied in point of intereft, as "ell as inclinations, with their brother Aiolills a- mong us, as not only to buy their winds by whole- la e from th tfame merchants, but alfo to retail them mu7ht^ ratC “ dmeth ° d ’ 3nd to cuftome « Now, whether the fyftem here delivered was "hollj compiled by Jack; or, as fome writers be¬ lieve, rather copied from the original at Delphos, with certain additions and emendations fuited to the times and circumftances ; I (hall not abfolutely de¬ termine. Fliis I may affirm, that Jack gave it, at leait, a new turn, and formed it into the lame drefs and model as it lies deduced by me, *},i° n . ot “« !l inland what the amhor aim. at here, any «Ued ‘w n ' , >’. ,het ' rr,b 'f montter mentioned in .he following lin£ called M>ur,„ a wn.ch is .he French name for a windmill. I have 126 A TALE OF A TUB. I have long fought after this opportunity of c!o- Ing juftice to a fociety of men, for whom I have a peculiar honour; and whofe opinions, as well as practices, have been extremely mifreprefented and traduced by the malice or ignorance of their advcr- faries. For I think it one of the greateft and beft of human a&ionS, to remove prejudices, and place things in their trueft and faireft light; which I therefore boldly undertake, without any regards of my own, beftde die confcience, the honour, and the dianks,; SECT. IX. A digrejfion concerning the original , the nfe, and im¬ provement of madnefs in a commonwealth. *\TOR fhall it any wife detract from the juft repu- tation of diis famous feCt, that its rife and in- ftitution are owing to fuch an author as I have de¬ fer ibed Jack to be ; a perfon whofe intellectuals were overturned, and his brain fhaken out of its natural pofition ; which we commonly fuppofe to be a diftem’per, and call by the name of madnefs, or phrenzy. For if we take a furvey of the greateft aCtions that have been performed in the world un¬ der the influence of Angle men; which are, “ the “ eftablifhment of new empires by conqueft; the “ advance and progrefs of new fchemes in philo- “ fophy; and the contriving, as well as the propa- “ gating of new religions;” we fhall find the au¬ thors of them all to have been perfons, whofe na¬ tural reafon had admitted great revolutions from their diet, their education, the prevalency of fome certain temper, together with the particular influ ence Se£t. 9. A digrijp.cn concerning madnefs. i 2 y ence of air and climate. Bcfides, there is fome- tlnng individual in human minds, that eafily kindles at the accidental approach and collilion of certain circumltances, which, though of paltry and mean appearance, do often flame out into the created e- mergencies of life. For great turns are not always given by ftrong hands, but by lucky adaption, and at proper feafons And it is of no import, where the fire was kindled, if the vapour has once got up into the bram For the upper region of man is furnilhed like the middle region of the air; the ma¬ terials are formed from caufes of the wildcft diifer- e " c ^ P'‘ oduce /t Jail the fame fubflance and , a , r ' re from lhe earth, fleams from dunghills, exhalations from the lea, and finoke from fire; yet aU clouds are the fame in compofi- uon as well as confequences ; and the fumes iflu- mg from a Jakes will turnilh as comely and ufeful a vapour, as incenfe from an altar. Thus far, I fuppole, will eafily be granted me; and then it will follow, that as the face of nature never produces rain, but when it is overcalt and diflurbed • fo hu- man underftanding, feated in the brain, muft be troubled and overfpread by vapours, afcending front the lower faculties to water the invention, and render it fruitful. Now, although thefe va¬ pours (as it hath been already laid) are of as various orignal, as thole of the Ikies; yet the crops they produce, differ both in kind and degree, merefr according to the foil. I will produce two inltances to prove and explain what I am now advancing H certain great prince raifed a mighty army, fill- ed Ins coffers with infinite treafurcs, provided an invincible fleet; and all this, without giving the halt part of Ins defign to Ins greatelf ininifters or his nearelf favourites ». Immediately the whole world was alarmed ; the neighbouring crowns in This was 11-rry the Great of F.ance. trembling 128 A TAIvE OF A TUB. trembling expectations, towards what point the ftorm would burft; thefmall politicians evejy where forming profound conjectures. Some believed, he had laid a fcheme for univerfal monarchy; others, after much inlight, determined the matter to be a projeCt for pulling down the Pope, and fetting up the Reformed religion, which had once been his own. Some again, of a deeper fagacity, fent him into Alia, to fubdue the Turk, and recover Pale- ftine. In the midlt of all thefe projects and prepa¬ rations, a certain Jiatc-furgcon^, gathering the na¬ ture of the difeafe by thefe fymptoms, attempted the cure ; at one blow performed the operation, broke the bag, and out Hew the vapour . Nor did any thing want to render it a complete remedy, on¬ ly that the prince unfortunately happened to die in the performance. Now, is the reader exceeding curious to learn, from whence this vapour took its rife, which had fo long fet the nations at a gaze ! what fecret wheel, what hidden fpring could put into motion fo wonderful an engine ? It was after¬ wards difeovered, that the movement of this whole machine had been direCled by an abfent female , whofe eyes had raifed a protuberancy, and, before emillion, fhe was removed into an enemy’s coun¬ try. What Ihould an unhappy prince do in fuch ricklifh circumftances as thefe ? He tried, in vain, the poet’s never-failing receipt of corpora quesque: for, Jdque petit corpus mens , unde eft faucia amore ; Undeferiiur , eo tmdit , gejlitque coire. Lucr. Having to no purpofe ufed all peaceable endea¬ vours, the colleCfed part of the jemen, raifed and inflamed, became aduft, converted tocholer, turn¬ ed head upon the lpinal duCt, and alcended to the f Ravillac, who (tabbed Henry the Great in his coach. brain. Sea. 9- A digrejfion concerning madntfs. I2 p brain. The very fame principle that influences a /.////y to break the windows of a whore who has Jilted him, naturally Airs up a great prince to raile mighty armies, and dream of nothing but lieges battles, and victories. 6 S ' -- Cunnusy teterrimi belli Caufa -- The other inftance is, what I have read fomc- where ,n a very ancient author of a mighty king * tvho. for the fpace of above thirty years/amused imfeh to take and lofe towns ; beat armies, and f • ? eat u n ,l dn . e pnnces out of thcir dominions - fright children from their bread and butter; burn! lay wafte, plunder, dragoon, maflacre fubjeft and llranger, friend and foe, male and female. It is recorded, that the philofophers of each country tvere in, grave difpute upon caufes natural, moral and political, to find out where they fliould allien an original lolut.on of this phenomenon. At lfft the vapour or fpirit which animated the hero’s brain, being in perpetual circulation, feized upon that region of the human body, fo renowned for nirnilhing the z.beta occidental,: f, and gathering there into a tumour, left the reft of the world for dm time in peace. Of fuch mighty confidence n is, where thofe exhalations fix ; and of fo little from whence they proceed. The fame fpirits’ which m them fupenor progrefs, would conquer a/Sr™’ defCCnd,Dg Upon the anui > delude in Let us next examine the great introdticcrs of * This ts meant of the prefent French King, Lewis XrV m,t ""w"’’ Wh ° W “ fj '•‘ mou * f«‘hym,ftry, tried an itperi- he h JbroVhpp'S-XH;* i. be "g“u.e ^. in * * hil di,ir ‘ cn mtmionc; b * Voitl. R T1CTV I 3 0 A TALE OF A TUB. new fchemes in philofophy, and fearch till we can find from what faculty of the foul the difpofition a- rifes in mortal man, of taking it into his head to advance new fyftems, with fuch an eager zeal, in things agreed on all hands impoflible to be known ; from what feeds this difpolition fprings, and to what quality of human nature thefe grand innova¬ tors have been indebted for their number of difci- ples : becaufe it is plain, that feveral of the chief among them, both ancient and modern , were ufually miftaken by their adverfaries, and indeed by all, except their own followers, to have been perfons crazed, or out of their wits ; having generally pro¬ ceeded, in the common courfe of their words and actions, by a method very different from the vul¬ gar dictates of unrefined reafon ; agreeing, for the mod part, in their liberal models, with their pre- fent undoubted fucceffors in the acadtmy of modern bedlam ; (whofe merits and principles I fball farther examine indue place). Of this kind were Epicu¬ rus, Diogenes, Apollonius, Lucretius, Paracelfus, Des Cartes, and others ; who, if they were now in the world, tied faft, and feparate from their fol¬ lowers, would, in this our undiftinguifhing age, in¬ cur manifeft danger of phlebotomy , and whips, and chains, and dark chambers, and Jlraw . For what man, in the natural date or courfe of thinking, did ever conceive it in his power to reduce the notions of all mankind exactly to the fame length, and breadth, and height of his own ? Yet this is the firft humble and civil defign of all innovators in the empire of reafon. Epicurus modeftly hoped, that, one time or other, a certain fortuitous concourfe of all mens opinions, after perpetual juftlings, the fharp with the fmooth, the light and the heavy, the round and the fquare, would, by certain clinamina, unite in the notions of atoms and void, as thefe did in the originals of all things. Cartefius reckoned to ice, before he died, the fentiments of all philo- fophers, Seft. 9- A digrejjion concerning madnefs. Jbphers, like fo many lelTer ftars in his romantic fyf- tern, wrapped and drawn widiin his own vortex. ow, I would gladly be informed, how it is poffi- ble t° account for fueh imaginations as the* in pamcular men, without recourfe to m ? phenomenon m/flC 'A*' a ' cc " d, ! 1 S the lower faculties to overfhadow the beam, and there drilling into con¬ ceptions, for which the narrownefs of our mother- Sw T yCt a ! Rfcrnecl an ^ other name befides ° • phrenz y- Let us therefore now conjecture, how it comes to oafs, that none of thele great prdcribers do ever fail providing them- number of implicit ijS' f Aod ’ 1 thmk > 'he reafon is cafy to be ‘ Ihgned l: for there is a peculiar Jhing in the har- mony of human undemanding, which, in fever d individuals, is exactly of the fame tuning. This if fcrew U P to its fight kev, and then Anke gently upon it; whenever vou have the SS % nunc -11° K S,U r mnng thofe of ,he frtne r. C . h ’ th % ' V,1I > hy / freret neceflary fvmpathv, ftnke exaftly at the fame time. And in'this one circumftance lies all the (kill or luck of the matter* yOU [ h:mc u e to J ar the Aring among thofe . \° a . re «ther above or below vour own height • mAead of fubfenbing to your dodtrine, tlu/will ie you fa A, call you mad, and feed you with bread and water. It is therefore a point of the nice A conduft, to diAmguiih and adapt this noble talent tim« l ° thC | d,ffcrcnccs ° f perfons and of times. Cicero underAood this v, ry well, when writing to a fr-end in England, with a camion, a- mong other matters, to beware of being cheated by our hackney-coachmen, (who, it feems, in thofe days^ were as arrant rafeals as they are rev), has thefe T dS yr FJl qU ° d & audeas ,e in 'ft* loca ubt aliquidfapere viderert *. for, to fpcak fy* ad Fim. Trebatio. R 2 j 3 2 a tale of a tub. a bold truth, it is a fatal mifcarriage, fo ill to order affairs, as to pafs for a fool in one company, when in another you might be treated as a pbilofopher . Which I deiire fome certain gentlemen of my acquain¬ tance to lay up in their hearts as a very fcafonable innuendo . This, indeed, was the fatal miftake of that wor¬ thy gentleman, my moll: ingenious friend, Mr. Wotton; a perfon, in appearance, ordained for great defigns, as well as performances. Whether you will conlider his notions or his looks 9 furcly no man ever advanced into the public with fitter quali¬ fications of body and mind, for the propagation of a new religion. Oh, had thofe happy talents, mif- applied to vain philofophy, been turned into their proper channels of dreams and vifions 9 where dif tortion of mind and countenance are of fuch fove- reign ufe ; the bafe detracting world would not then have dared to report, that fomeihing is amifs, that his brain hath undergone an unlucky fhake ; which even his brother modernifts themfelves, like ungrates, do whifper fo loud, that it reaches up to the very garret I am now writing in. Laftly, Whofoever pleafes to look into the foun¬ tains of enthufajm , from whence, in all ages, have eternally proceeded fuch fattening ftreams, will find the fpring-head to have been as troubled and muddy as the current. Of fuch great emolument is a tinc¬ ture of this vapour , which the world calls madnefs , that, without its help, the world would not only be deprived of thofe two great bleflings, conquejts and fyftems, but even all mankind would unhappily be reduced to the fame belief in things invifible. Now, the former pojlulatum being held, that it is of no import from what originals this vapour pro¬ ceeds, but either in what angles it ftrikes, and fpreads over the underftanding, or upon what fpe- cies of brain it afeends; it will be a very delicate point, to cut the feather, and divide the feveral reafons Sect. 9. Adigrejfon concerning madnejs. ,,j reafons to a nice and curious reader, how this nu- mcnc.il diderence in the brain can produce efie&s Ot fo vaft a difference from the fame vapour, as to be the iole point of indivtdation between Alexander the Great Jack of Leyden, and Monfieur des Cartes. 1 lie prefein argument is the molt attracted that e- ver I engaged in ; it ltrains my faculties to their high a it ffretch ; and I dellre the reader to attend with the utmoft perpenfity; for I now proceed to unravel this knotty point. 1 There is in mankind a certain + * # * * * ± M. ^ ^ * * * * » * Hie mult a * dtfiderantpr . * % ‘ * * And th!s I take to be a clear folutior ot tnc matter. Having therefore fo narrowly pafled through this intricate difficulty, the reader will, I am Aire i- gree with me in the conclufion, that, if the modern mean by madnejs only a diffurbancc or tranfpofition or the brain, by force of certain vapours ifluing up from the lower faculties, then has this machrfs been the parent of all thofe mighty revolutions that have happened in empire, in philofopby, and in religion. or the brain, in us natural pofition and date of lerenity, dilpoleth us owner to pals his life in the common forms, without any thoughts of fubduing multitudes to his own power , his reafons, or his vt Jions ; and the more he ffiapcs his underitanding by the pattern of human learning, the lefs he is in¬ clined to form parties after his particular notions : becaufe that m drafts him in his private infirmities, p well as in the ftubborn ignorance of the people But when a man’s fancy gets qfiride on his rcafon ; .. ^ Ih'C l anoth r defeO in the ir.inufcript; hot I think the au- tic 1 was'n'ot tvor jf «hich th .s nr-inrj hi. ftcul- ' “ .' ° r h J fo!j,lftn > i< wvre well if ,i| roetjph.f.c.l ib pm I rr.t *cre 00 eihciwifc anlwcretf. ** * when 134 A TALE OF A TUB. when imagination is at cuffs with the fcnfcs ; and common underftanding, as well as common fenfe, is kicked out of doors ; the firft profelyte he makes is himfelf; and when that is once compalfed, the difficulty is not fo great in bringing over others; a ftrong delufion always operating from without , as vigoroufly as from within. For cant and vifion are to the ear and the eye the fame that tick¬ ling is to the touch. Thofe entertainments and pleafures we mofl value in life, are fuch as dupe and play the wag with the fenfes. For if we take an examination of what is generally underffood by happinefs , as it has refpect either to the underftand- ing or the fenfes, we mall find all its properties and adjundls will herd under this fhort definition, That it is a perpetual pojfejjion of being well deceived. And firff, with relation to the mind or underffanding, it is manifeff, what mighty advantages fiction has over truth : And the reafon is juft at our elbow ; becaufe imagination can build nobler fcenes, and produce more wonderful revolutions, than fortune or nature will be at expence to furnifh. Nor is mankind fo much to blame in his choice thus de¬ termining him, if we confider that the debate mere¬ ly lies bctweeen things pajl , and things conceived. And fo the queftion is only this : Whether things that have place in the imagination , may not as pro¬ perly be faid to cxijl , as thofe that are feated in the memory ? Which may be juftly held in the affirma¬ tive ; and very much to the advantage of the for¬ mer ; fince this is acknowledged to be the womb of things, and the other allowed to be no more than than the grave. Again, if we take this definition of happinefs, and examine it with reference to the fenfes, it will be acknowledged wonderfully adapt. How fading and infipid do all objects accoft us that are not conveyed in the vehicle of delufion ! How fhrunk is every thing, as it appears in the glafs of nature ! fo that if it were not for the affiftance of artificial Sea. p. ji digrejjldn Concerning madnefs. , 3? artificial mediums, falfe lights, refraaed angles, var- n.ll, and tiniel, there would be a mighty level in the felicity and enjoyments of mortal men. If this were fenoufly confidercd by the world, as I a c f . rtail1 , rcafon to fufpea it hardly will, men would no longer reckon among their hieh points of wifdom, the ait of expofing weak tides, and publithing infirmities: An ernploy- H^nV" ° P !?. ion ’ neith «' better nor worfc than that of unmajhng ■ which, I think, has never pTay-hufi UfaSC ’ dthcf ln the Of the In the proportion that credulity is a more pcacc- ful pofleffion of the mind, than curiofity, fo fir P r ! f "S e ls that "'ifdom which converfes about the lurface, to that pretended philofophy which en- ters into the depth of things, and then comes grave- y back with informations and difcovcrics, that in the infide they are good for nothing. The two are^her *4} objcas firft addrc ‘s themfelves, fartS ?K ht a u d the , tOUch - Thefe never examine firther than the colour, the fliape, the fize, and whatever other qualities dwell, or are drawn by art • ou i' vard o f bodies; and then comes rea- ion officioufly with tools for cutting, and opening »nd „a„gl,„g, and piercing, oflifhg drate, that they arc not of the fame confidence quite through. Now, I take all this to be the lad degree of perverting nature ; one of whofe eternal laws n is, to put her beft furniture forward. And therefore, in order to fave the charges of all fuch expenfivc anatomy for the time to come, I do here think lit to inform the reader, that in fuch con- clufions as thefe, rcalon is certainly in the right • and that in mod corporeal beings which have fallen under my cogmfance, the cutfidt hath been infinite¬ ly preferable to the in. Whereof 1 have been far¬ ther convinced from fome late experiments. Lad week 1 law a woman fayed, and you will hardly believe 136 A TALE OF A TUB. believe how much it altered her perfon for the worfe. Yefterday I ordered the carcafe of a beau to be ftripped in my prefence ; when we were all a- mazed to find fo many unfufpe&ed faults under one fuit of cloaths. Then I laid open his brain, his heart „ and his fpleen. But I plainly perceived at every operation, that the farther we proceeded, we found the defers increafe upon us in number and bulk. From all which I juftly formed this con- clufion to myfelf, that whatever philolopher 01* projettor can find out an art to folder and patch up the flaws and imperfections of nature, will deferve much better of mankind, and teach us a more ule- ful fcience, than that fo much in prefent efteem, of widening and expofing them, like him who held anatomy to be the ultimate end of phyfic. And he whofe fortunes and difpofitions have placed him in a convenient ftation to enjoy the fruits of this noble art; he that can, with Epicurus, content his ideas with the films and images , that fly off upon his fenfes from the fuperficies of things ; filch a man, truly wife, creams off nature, leaving the four and the dregs for philofophy and reafon to lap up. This is the fubiime and refined point of felicity, cal¬ led the pojfejfion of being well deceived ; the ferene peaceful ftate of being a fool among knaves. But to return to madnefs : 'it is certain, that ac¬ cording to the fyftem I have above deduced, every fpecies thereof proceeds from a redundancy of va¬ pours ; therefore, as fome kinds of phrenzy give double flrength to the finews, fo there are of other fpecies , which add vigour, and life, and fpirit to the brain. Now, it ufually happens, that thefe aClive fpirits, getting poffeflion of the brain, re- femble thofe that haunt other wafte and empty dwellings, which, for want of bufinefs, either va- nifh, and carry away a piece of the houfe, or elfe flay at home, and fling it all out of the windows. By which are myllically difplayed the two principal branches Sea. 9 A digrcjfton concerning madnefs. ,37 branches of madnefs , and which fome philofophers not confider.ng fo well as I, have miftaken ro be different in their caufes; over-haftily aflioning the r i t todefictency and the other to redundance. I think it therefore manifeft, from what I have here advanced, that the main point of fkill and ad- refs is, to furmfh employment for this redun¬ dancy of vafour and prudently to adjuft the feafon r!rH;Li '1 u e v m “ ma 7 certainl 7 become of •rl d Catho,IC em olument in a common¬ wealth. 1 hus one man, chufing a proper innfhire L'^caHed 3 thl' f fr ° m P roce eds a hero, and is called the faver of his country: Another h C has V lefr^'h C en . tCr P rize 5 but > unluckily timing ’ • s left the brand of maanef fixed as a reproach upon his memory. Upon fo nice a diftinflion are ta ugnt to repeat the name of Curt.us with reve¬ rence and love ; that of Empedocles with hatred Sr r‘ te ?T r ThuS df ° !t is llfuall 7 conceived, t-at the elder Brutus only perfonated the fool and pi rdmon for the good of the public. But this was nothing e!fe than a redundancy of the fame vapour long mifappkd, called by the Latins, ingeniumpar negetns ; or, to tranflate it as nearly as I can, a iort of phrenzy never in its right element, till vou take it up in the bufinefs of the lfate. Upon all which, and many other reafonsofe- cjual weight, though not equally curious, I do here gladly embrace an opportunity I have long fought tor, ot recommending it as a very noble undertak¬ ing to Sir Edward Seymour, Sir Chriftopher Muf- grav c, Sir John Bawls, John How, Efq ; and other patriots concerned, that they would move for leave to bring m a bill for appointing commiffioners to , lr M ’"to Bedlam, and the parts adjacent: who fhall be impowered to fend for per} ns, papers, and records-, to examine into the merits and qualifi- VoL.I. Tacit. S cations 1 3 8 A TALE OF A TUB, cations of every ftudent and profeffor; to obferve with the utmoft cxactnefs, their feveral difpofitions and behaviour; by which means, duly diftinguifhing and adapting their talents, they might produce ad¬ mirable inftruments for the feveral offices in a ftate, f # * * * civil and military ; proceeding in fuch methods as I fhall here humbly propofe. And I hope the gentle reader will give fome allowance to my great folicitudcs in this important affair, upon account of the ljigh efteem I have borne that ho¬ nourable fociety, whereof I had fome time the hap- pinefs to be an unworthy number. Is any ftudent tearing his ftraw in piece-meal, fwearing and’blafpheming, biting his grate, foam¬ ing at the mouth, and emptying his pifs-pot in the fpedlators faces? Let the Right Worfhipful the Commiffioner of Infpefiion give him a regiment of dragoons, and fend him into Flanders among the reft . Is another eternally talking, fluttering, gap¬ ing, bawling, in a found without period or article ? what wonderful talents are here miflaid! let him be furniffied immediately with a green bag and papers, and three pence * in his pocket, and away with him to Weftminfter-hall. You will find a third grave* ly taking the dimenfions of his kennel; a perfon of forelight and infight, though kept quite in the dark ; for why, like Mofes, ecce cornuta erat ejus facies He walks duly in one pace; intreats your penny with due gravity and ceremony; talks much of hard times, and taxes, and the whore of Babylon ; bars up the wooden window of his cell conftantly at eight o’clock; dreams of fire, and Jhop-lifters , and coutt-cufiomers , and privileged f Ecdtfiajlical. * A lawyer’s coach-hire, when four together, from any of the inns of court to Weftminfter. t Corr.utus is either horned or fhining: a.id by this terir.Mofes is defcribcd in the vulgar Latin cf the Bible, places. Se&. 9. A digrejflon concerning madnefs j ^9 places. Now, what a figure would all thefe ac- qmrements amount to, if the owner were fent into the city among his brethren ! Behold a fourth in much and deep convention with himfelf; bhing his thumbs at proper junctures ; his countenance checkered with bufinefs and de/ign; fometimes ih?h n V C i7^ W u h h ' S eyes n a'led to a paper that he holds in his hands; a great faver of time- fomewhat thick of hearing ■ very fiiort of fight" but more of memory; a man ever in hafte ; a meat famn Crand b 7 Ct , er0f buf,ncfs > and excellent at the 7 i kf Wh r r ^ n0!hins ’ a hr S c idolater of monofyllables and procraftination ; fo ready to CVe 7 ^ that he never keeps it , one that has forgot the common meaning of words but an admn-able retainer of the found : extremely tuall) calling him atvay. If you approach his* grate in his familiar intervals, “ Sir,” fays he, “ Give (< me a P enn y an d I’ll fing you a long; but give favfol f P ? nny firfL (Hence comes the common keying, and commoner practice, of parting with money for a fong.) What a complete fyftem of C °V'n‘ ' S hcre defenbed in every branch of it, and all utterly loft with wrong application ! Accoft tne hole of another kennel, (firft ftopping your no.e,) you will behold a furly, gloomy, naftv.' flo- enly mortal, raking m his own dung, and dabbling m his urine The beft part of his diet is the re- verfion of his own ordure; which, expiring into ftcams, whirls perpetually about, and at laft rein- funds. His complexion is of a dirty yellow, with a un fcattcred beard, exactly agreeable to that of his diet upon its firft declination; like other infers who having their birth and education in an cxcre- ment, from thence borrow their colour and their lmeU , I he ftudent of this apartment is very fpar- mg of his words, but fomewhat over-liberal of fos breath; he holds his hand out ready to receive 2 vour i 4 o A TALE OF A TUB. your penny, and immediately upon receipt, with¬ draws to his former occupations. Now, is it not amazing to think, the fociety of Warwick-lane lliould have no more epneern for the recovery of fo ufeful a member, who, if one may judge from thefe appearances, would become the greatefl or¬ nament to that illuftrious body ? Another fludent firms up fiercely to your teeth, puffing with his lips, half fqueezing out his eyes, and very graci- oufly holds you out his hand to kifs. The keeper defires you not to be afraid of this profeffior, for he will do you no hurt. To him alone is allowed the liberty of the anti-chamber; and the orator of the place gives you to underfland, that this folemn perlon is a tailor run mad with pride. This confi- clerable ftudent is adorned with many other quali¬ ties, upon which at prefent I ffiall not farther en¬ large.- Hark in your ear *.- 1 am flrangely miftaken, if all his addrefs, his motions, and his airs, would not then be very natural, and in their proper element. I ffiall not delcend fo minutely, as to infifl upon the vafl number of beaux , fidlers , poets and politic cians , that the world might recover by fuch a re¬ formation. But what is more material, belides the clear gain redounding to the commonwealth, by fo large an acquifition of perfons to employ, whofe talents and acquirements, if I may be fo bold to affirm it, are now buried, or at leaft mifapplied ; it would be a mighty advantage accruing to the public from this inquiry, that all thefe would very much excel, and arrive at great perfection in their feveral kinds; which, I think, is manifeft from what I have already ffiewn, and ffiall inforce by this one plain inflance, that even I mylelf, the au- * I cannot corjefdure what the au hor means here, or how th s chafm could be filled, though it is capable of more than one interpretation. ' thor Sect. io. A further digreffion. i 4I the . fe niomentous truths, am a perfon, " hole imaginations are hard-mouthed, and ex- whS g T y h dllp0 ?r l ° 1 rUn aWay witJl his reajon, u' o r'f ° bC r ed > hom lo "g experience, to be averyhght rider, and ea% lhaken off; upon which account, my friends will never truft me a- lone, without a folemn promife to vent my fpecu- d ' C 1,ke manner, for the univer- fal benefit of human kind ; which perhaps the gentle, courteous, and candid reader, brimful of that chanty and tendernefs ufually annexed to his office, will be very hardly perfuaued to be- SECT. X. A further digrefficn *. JT is an unanfwerable argument of a verv refincc age, the wonderful civilities that have parted ol late rears between the nation of authors, and tha of readers. There can hardly pop out a IT , pamphlet or a poem, without a preface foil Vac- knowledgement to the world, for the general n- wTt 3nd 3p ? Iaufc the >’ have g^cn it fwhich the Lord knows where, or when, or how or from laWeTcuTom I!' ** defcrc "“ dable a cuftom, I do here return my humble thanks to his MajeJiy, and both houfes of fa, li,rrunt ; to mswmms^ pl^, T pocmJ , 4c” lljf ‘ rUC ’ “ “ a) in ,ht t- -0 *4* A TALE OF A TUB. the lords of the King’s Moft Honourable Privy Council; to the Reverend the judges ; to the clergy , and gentry, and yeomanry of this land; but, in a more efpecial manner, to my worthy brethren and friends at Will's coffechoufe , and Gre/ham-col lege, and Warwick-lane, and Moorfields, and Scotland-yard , and WeJlminJler-hall, and Guild-hall ; in fiiort, to all inhabitants and retainers whatfoever, either in court, or church, or camp, or city, or country, for their generous and univerfal acceptance of this divine treatife. I accept their approbation and good opinion with extreme gratitude ; and, to the utmoft of my poor capacity, fhall take hold of all opportunities to return the obligation. 1 am alfo happy, that fate has flung me into fo bleffed an age, for the mutual felicity of bookfcllers and authors , whom I may fafely afnrm to be at this day the two only fatisfied parties in England. Aik an author, how hislaft piece has fucceeded: “ Why, “ truly, he thanks his ftars, the world has been “ very favourable, and he has not the leaft reafon “ to complain. And yet, by G —, he writ it in a week at bits and ftarts, when he could Real an “ hour from his urgent affairs as it is a hundred to one,, you may fee farther in the preface, to which he refers you ; and for the reft, to the bookfeller. There you go as a cuftomer, and make the fame queftion : “ He bleffes his God the thing tf takes wonderfully; he is juft printing the fecond “ eJition, and has but three left in his fhop.” You beat down the price: “ Sir, we fliali not differ;” and, in hopes of your cuftom another time, lets you have it as reafonable as you pleafe; “ and, “ pray fend as many of your acquaintance as you a fit of the fpleen, « a t dke fc a i phy iC ^ a flee ?y Sunday, an ill run «< r a- ’ 1 0ng tailors bill, a beggar's purfe i I; If'™ bead, a hot fun, colHve^t want of books, and a juft contempt of learning-” but for thefe events, I fay, and fome others, t™ long to reate, (efpeaally a “ prudent neglect of taking Jhof fA T ardly) -” 1 doubt > ^ numLTr S a de^e'e“"ft"To nd '% a "*V U 3 ?;? “ lrf ; »« pk.iv » Aot uiiaid or tmbojjtd • and we need nnma r a-member, it is witli human faculties as with li ff r V he lfctueft will be ever a, i“ L J Sett?tif acter the reader cannot whollv be a ftranger to He deals in a pernicious kind of writings S c dlS Wee, ,ha, as L„ ftolen n anri ^P cn> l his nimble operator will have «.dr done Dr M, T “."“"‘t - he ha.h a|. IF fan y ’ ^HSbe Will take this enormous Trie- lhoufd fo°K hlS m ° ft T deni conl ‘der a tion : an/if it fhould fo happen, that th t furniture of a,. Jfi in the fhape of a fccondpart, muft for m/fins bedap- « Wc!” d: " g ,0 the * H “ fhnk ’ “ P, “' ‘h« ftdJle on the right pect 144 A TALE OF A TUB. ped by a miftake upon my back ; that he will im¬ mediately pleafe, in the prefence of the world, to tighten me of the burden, and take it home to his own houfc , till the true bcajl thinks fit to call for it. In the mean time, I do here give this public no¬ tice, that my refolutions are to circumfcribe within this difeourfe the whole flock of matter I have been fo many years providing, .Since my vein is once opened, I am content to exhauft it all at a running, for the peculiar advantage of my dear country, and for the univerfal benefit of mankind. Therefore hofpitably confidering the number of my guefts, they fhall have my whole entertainment at a meal; and I fcorn to fet up the leavings in the cupboard. What the guejls cannot eat, may be given to the poor ; and the dogs under the table may gnaw the hones f. This I underhand for a more generous proceeding, than to turn the company's ftomach, by inviting them again to-morrow to a feurvy meal of feraps . If the reader fairly confiders the hrength of what I have advanced in the foregoing fedlion, I am con¬ vinced it will produce a wonderful revolution in his notions and opinions; and he will be abundantly better prepared to receive and to relifh the conclu¬ ding part of this miraculous treatih. Readers mar be divided into three claffcs ; the fiiperficial, the ig¬ norant, and the learned : and I have with much fe¬ licity fitted my pen to the genius and advantage of each. The j'uperficid reader will be ftrangely pro¬ voked to laughter ; which clears the breaft and the lungs, is fovereign againft the fpleen , and the moft innocent of all diuretics. The ignorant reader, be¬ tween whom - and the former the diftin&ion is ex¬ tremely nice, will find himfelf difpofed to Jlarc ; which is an admirable remedy for ill eyes, ferves -f- By dc7S the author means common injudicious critics, 2s he ex¬ plains it himfelf before, iu his digreilion up^n critics, p, 82. to Sea. t o. A further digreffum. , to raiieand enliven the fpirits, and wonderfully helps r yp,r^„„. But the reader truly leaned a j > or ^hofe benefit I wake when others fleep’ and fleep when others wake, will here find fulficieS fife It™ em P lo y^ s peculations for the reft of his fife. It were much to be wilhed, and I do here turn .y propoie for an experiment, that every punce m Chnfteniom wiU take feven of the deetji Mohrs m his dominions, and Ihut them up dofe to /rit 7 / e!lrS ’ m { eVen chamb ers, with a command h, r ar" ampIe com mentarics on this compre- henfive diftonrte. I /hall venture to affirm fh^t whatever difterence may be found in their fevcral cunjedtures, they will be all, without the lcaft dis¬ tortion, mamfeftly deducible from the text. Mean dertakine ml T** *3“*' ^ f ° uftful an dertaking may be entered upon, if their Majefties pleale, with all convenient fpeed; becaufe 1 have a ZtiTr? befor ^ leavc the world »«° Mfte reach tm "Titers can feldom ft fs tha^ Z h S otte n into our graves, whether '\S Fdme > b *nga fruit grafted on the body, is ?n ,h^ y S l°' V ’ andmuch kfs ripen, till the folk is m the earth ; or whether ffic be a bird of prev and is lured among the relt to purl'ue after the Icent of a carc'fe ; or whether fhe conceives her MTtZrh * f d fanhcft > when ftands ° by the advantage of a riling ground, and die echo of a hollow vault. * after'rhl™ “ d r eed, J ±e re P llblic of dark authors, after they once found out this excellent expedient t ^ll - peCUllarI >' ha PPy in *«: varie- v- l S • • as cxtcnt ot their reputation. For Atget being the univerfa! mother of things, wife phtlofcphershold all wntrngs to be fruitful in the £-1 therefore the* 1 tnie ‘ Vo T. \ d 11131 U t0 f ^n the darhJl of a11 ) bavc met • A flat of tit ftofy.-juciam-TLcfc wore Fanatic alchy. mifi •, 146 A TALE OF A TUB. met with fuch numberlefs commentators, whole fchjhftic midwifery hath delivered them of mean¬ ings that the authors themfelves perhaps never conceived, and yet may very juftly be allowed the lawful parents of them ; the words of fuch wri¬ ters being like feed, which, however fcattered at random, when they light upon a fruitful ground, will multiply far beyond either the hopes or ima¬ gination of the fower *. And therefore, in order to promote fo ufeful a work, I will here take leave to glance a few innu¬ endo's, that may be of great affiftance to thofe fub- lime fpirits, who fhall be appointed to labour in a ‘ univerfal comment upon this wonderful difeourfe. And, fir ft, I have couched a very profound myfte- ry in the number of O’s multiplied by [even, and* divided by nine f. Alfo, if a devout brother of the Rofy Crofs will pray fervently for fixty-threc mornings, with a lively faith, and then- tranfpofe certain letters and fyllables according to preemp¬ tion, in the fecond and fifth fedtion ; they will cer¬ tainly reveal into a full recept of the opus magnum . Laftly, whoever will be at the pains to calculate the whole number of each letter in this treatife, and fum up the difference exadtly between the feve- ral numbers, aligning the true natural caufe for every fuch differencethe difeoveries in the pro¬ duct will plentifully reward his labour. But then he muff beware of by thus and fige J,. and be fure not mifls, who, in fearch after the great fecret, had invented a means al¬ together proportioned to their end. It wjs a kind of theological phi- lofophv, made up of almoft equal mixtures of Pagan Platonilm, Chri- ttian Quictifm, and the Jcwilh Cabala. “ Warburton on the Rape u of the Lock.” * Nothing is more frequent, than Tor commentators to force in¬ terpretations which the author never meant. •f- This is what the Cabalitts among the Jews have done with the. Bible, and pretend to find wonderful myttcries by it. J I was told by an eminent divine, whom I confulted on this point, that thefe two barbarous words, with that of acbamotb , and its ScA. n. A TALE OF A TUB. •not to forget the qualities of achamotb; a cujus la- crymh humcSla prodit fubftantia, a rifu lucida , a tri- Jhtia foltda, et a timore mobilis ; wherein Eugenius Ihilalethes * hath committed an unpardonable mif- take. SECT. XL A TALE OF A TLTB. Fter fo wide a compals as I have wandered, I do now gladly overtake, and clofe in with my ■ftibjecl; and lhall henceforth hold on with it an even pace to the end of my journey, except fome beautiful prolpeft appears within light of my way : " hereof though at prefent I have neither warning nor expectation, yet upon fuch an accident, come when it will, I lhall beg my reader’s favour and company, allowing me to conduct him through it its qualities, as here fet down, are quoted from Irerius. This lx o«r°amht by i'h-'s'H* ^ nci ' nt writcr for Jno * 1 '" 1««*>tion of boole and chaMer tb t' ^ P - ’ C ' d " ,h * ti,,e T*fe. and refer, to the b^ba o" s word? * r eunous were very inquifit.ve, whether .hole barba ous words, bjfyma &c. are really in Ireiwus: and QmVereh^’.ndTh* f °f Und ' hey a fort ‘ ^ C2nt or j ar f°" of cer- ^of™thoJ P^'hfrefiaed to fach a hookas * I id. Anima magica abfeondita. To the aborc inemiQncd ircatifc, called Artnr^f p y tJ Tbnnj £ icj t there is another anneaed, called Ar:^ ...iTlLJ,., 3^ buttn nc^th/ Ul f°rK V f*l k * K *} under thc namc of Pbilalttb* ; ats V U alh . f? h b °.b ' , ' i,irC *. il ,b ' r ' Jn > ■»'»•*» ° P -tWi. or’ dark uninulIMM h " ” n °' h ,' ng b “‘ and a ridhule of dark, unintelligible writers; only the words, atubi berrmit. &c arc r tCriUi / r r > kTw nt'Vro? what part. I believe one of the author’s defigns wo; to fet curious eT^mon r"a U d? thl0Ueh ind ""’ ,nd eo, » uiri,, « for book, out of the T 2 alone in* A TALE OF A, TUB. along with myfelf. For in -writing, it is as in tra¬ velling ; if a man is in haftc to be at home, (which I acknowledge to be none of my cafe, having never fo ] ittle bufinefs as when I am there), if his horje be tired with long riding and ill ways, or be naturally a jade, I advifc him clearly to make the ftraiteft and the commoneft road, be it ever fo dirty. But then, furely, we muft own fuch a man to be afcur- vy companion at beft: he fpatters himfelf and his fellow- travellers at every ftep; all their thoughts, and wifhes, and converfation, turn entirely upon the fubjedt of their journey’s end; and at every fplafh, and plunge, and humble, they heartily wilh one another at the devil. On the other fide, when a traveller and his horfe are in heart and plight; when his purfe is full, and the day before him; he takes the road only where it is clean and convenient ; entertains his company there as agreeably as he can : but, upon the fir ft occafion, carries them along with him to every delightful fcene in view, whether of art, of nature, or of both; and if they chance to refufe, out of ftupidity or wearinefs, let them jog on by themfelves and be d—mn’d : he’ll overtake them at the next town; at which arriving, he rides fu- rioufiy through ; the men, women, and children run out to gaze; a hundred noify curs * run bark¬ ing after him ; of which if he honours the boldeft with a lafb cf his -whip , it is rather out of fport than revenge : but fhould lome fourer mongril dare too near an approach, he receives a fulute on the chaps by an accidental firoke from the courfer’s heels, (nor is any ground loft by the blow), which fends him yelping and limping home. I now proceed to film up the lingular adventures of my renowned Jack ; the ftate of whofe difpofi- * By thcfe are meant uhit the author calls, the True Critics p. &2, tions Seft.ir. A TALE OF A.TUB. 149 ticms and fortunes the careful reader does, no doubt moft exactly remember, as I laft parted ^ith them in the conclufion of a former fedion. iherefore his next care mu ft be, from two of the 10 j XtI ! ac ^ a ^herne of notions that may . nt his underltanding for a true relijh of what is to enfue. Jack had not only calculated the firft revolution o his brain fo prudently, as to give rife to that epi- emic feet ot JEoliJif, but fucceeding alfo into a new and ftrange variety of conceptions, the fhiitfulnefs Of his imagination led him into certain notions, •which, although in appearance very unaccountable, were not without their myfteries and their mean- mgs, nor wanted followers to countenance and im¬ prove them. I fhall therefore be extremely careful and exact in recounting fuch material pailages of this nature, as I have been able to colled, either from undoubted tradition, or indefatigable rcad- mg ; and lhall defenbe them as graphically as it is polhble, and as far as notions of that height and latitude can be brought within thecompafs of a nen Nor do I at all queftion, but they will furnilh plen¬ ty of noble matter for fuch, whofe converting ima¬ ginations difpole them to reduce all tilings into types; who can make /In,lotus, no thanks to the iun; and then mould them into fubftances, no thanks to philofophy ; whofe peculiar talent lies in fixing tropes and allegories to die letter, and refin¬ ing what is literal into figure and myftcrv Jack had provided a fair copy of h'is father's w,// » “grofled in form upon a large lkin of parch¬ ment; and refolving to ad the part of a inoft dutiful ft>n, he became the fondeft creature of it imaginable F °r although as 1 have often told the reader, it confifted wholly in certain plain, eafy dhedions a- bout the management and wearing of their coats, with legacies and penalties in calc of obedience or neglect; yet he began to entertain a fancy, that th*c matter 150 A TALE OF A TUB. •matter was deeper and darker , and therefore muft needs have a great deal more of myftery at the bot¬ tom. “ Gentlemen, faid he , I will prove this very 4€ Ikin of parchment to be meat, drink, and cloth; “ to be the philofpher’s ftone, and the univerfal x< medicine*.” In confcqucnce of which raptures, he refolved to make life of it in the moll nceffary, as well as'the moft paultry occafions of life. He •had a way of working it into any fhape he pleafed ; lo that it ferved him for a night-cap when he went to bed, and for an umbrella in rainy weather. Jle would lap a piece of it about a fore toe ; or when he had fits, burn two inches under his node ; or if any thing lay heavy on his flomach, ferape off, and fwallow as much of the powder as would lie on a filver penny: they were all infallible remedies. With analogy to thefe refinements, his common talk and convcrfation ran wholly in the phrafe of •his will f ; and he circumfcribed the utmpft of his eloquence within that compafs, not daring to let Hip a fyllable without authority from thence. Once, at a ftrange houfe, he was fuddenly taken fhort upon an urgent jundlure, whereon it may not be al¬ lowed too particularly to dilate ; and being not able to call to mind, with that .fuddennefs the occafion required, an authentic phrafe for demanding the way to the back-fide ; he chofe rather, as the moft prudent courfe, to incur the penaltv in fuch cafes ufually annexed. Neither was it poffible for’ the united rhetoric of mankind to prevail with him to make himfelf clean again ; becaufe, having confut¬ ed the will upon this emergency, he met with a paf- * The author here lafhes thofe pretenders to purity, who place f© :utjch mem in uhng feripture phmfc on all occafions. f The Proliant difimers ufe feripture phafes In' their ferious dif- courfes and compo urcs, more than the Chunk of-Englavd wen. . Ac- ^rdtngly 'Jack is introduced, making h-s common talk and converfa- tioa to run wholly an the phntfe of his WILL. W. Wotton. fage Seft.%r. A TALE OF A TUB. %e near the bottom (whether foifled in by the tianfct iber, is not known) which leemed to for- bid it *. He made it a part of his religion, never to fay grace to his meat f ; nor could all the world per- iuade him, as the common phrale is, to eat lib victuals like a Cbrijlian J. He bore a ftrange kind of appetite to ft nap-dr a- ant ^ to the livid-fnufls of a burning candle ; which he would catch and fwallow with an agility wonderful to conceive ; and bv this procedure maintained a perpetual flame in his belly; which iflumg in a glowing fleam from both his eyes, as well as his noftrils and his mouth, made his head appear, in a dark night, like the lkull of an al's, wherein a roguifli boy had conveyd a farthing can¬ dle, to the terror of his Majejly's liegefubjetts. there¬ fore he made ule of no other expedient to light himk-fl home ; but was wont to fay, that a -wife man was his own lantern . He would ihut his eyes as he walked along the flreets; and if he happened to bounce his head a- gamft a polt, or fall into the kennel, as he feldom milled either to do one or both, he would tell the * 1 “""Ot gUffi the inthw’s meaning here, which I would be- very glad to know, becaufc it Utmi to be of importance. •lanwi'J u e ,t, ,t auk y «/«* -»««■ , want, no ex- 1. ,, ,■ hca.tr baling camt.tuA tit i r ’ i„ ,h h ' ? C * / e 0 Jmenl )> ir m " -‘" A “ ^ ^ a 7> w ^° fallen upon tlie firft pre- ic cl P* ce m view, and then tow our wretched wil* “ ling bodies after you, to the very brink of de- ic pTu&ion. Cut, alas ! that brink is rotten, our feet flip, and we tumble down prone into a gulf, <( ' v **kout one holpitable lhrub in the way to break the fail; a fall to which not any nofe of mortal “ make is equal, except that of the giant Laurcal- co -, who was lord of the filver bridge. Moft c< P ro P erl y therefore, O eyes, and with great juf- }} c f> may you be compared to thole foolifh lights, which conduct men through dirt and ‘ darknefs, till they fall into a deep pit, or a noi- lome bog.** This I have produced, as a handing of Jack’s great eloquence, and the force of his reafonine upon luch abffrufe matters. He was, befides, a perfon of great defign and improvement in affairs of devotion , having intro* duced a new deity, who hath fince met with avail number of worfhippers-* by fome called Babel, by others Chaos ; who had an ancient temple of Gothic ftruefure upon Salilbury-plain, famous for its ihrine and celebration by pilgrims. When he had fome roguifh trick to plav, he would down with his knees, up with his eyes, and fall to prayers, though in the midft of the kennel f. I hen it was, that thole who underftood his pranks would be fure to get far enough out of his way ; and whenever curiolity attrafted Grangers to laugh, or to liften, he would of a fudden with one hand out with his gear , and pifs full in their eyes, and with the other all befpatter them with mud. • Vide Don Styixott. t The villanics and cruelties, committed by eftthuHans and fana¬ tics among us, were all performed under the difeuife of religion zni long prayers. ® * Vol.I. u Tn A TALE OF A TUB. I $4 In winter he went always loofe and unbuttoned* and clad as thin as pollible, to let in the ambient heat; and in fummer lapped himfelf clofe and thick, to keep it out In all revolutions of government, he would make his court for the office of hangman -general (] ; and in the exercife of that dignity, wherein he was very dextrous, would make ufe of no other vizor than a long prayer **. He had a tongue fo mufculous and fubtil, that he could twin it up into his nofe, and deliver a itrange kind of fpeech from thence. He was alfo the firft in thefe kingdoms who began to improve the Spanifh accompli/hment of braying ; and having- large ears, perpetually expofed and erected, he car¬ ried his art to fuch a perfection, that it was a point of great difficulty to diflinguifh, either by the view or the found, between the original and the copy . He was troubled with a difeafe, reverfe to that called the flinging of the tarantula ; and would run dog-mad at the noife of mufic, efpecially a pair of hag pipes *. But he would cure himfelf again, by taking two or three turns in lVeftminJler-hall> or hi- lingfgatc, or in a boar ding-[chool, or the Royal-Ex- change , or a fate coffee-houfe . He was a perfon that feared no colours j-, but mor* tally hated all; and upon that account bore a cruel averfion againfl painters ; infomuch, that in his paroxyfms, as he walked the flreets, he would J They afte&ed differences in habit and behaviour. l| They are fevere perfecutors, and all in a form of cant and de¬ votion. ** Cromwell and his confederates went, as they called it, to pek Ccdy when they refolved to murder the Kine, * This is to expofe our Di:fcntcrs averfion againfl inftnimentai mufic in churches. tV. JVoiton, + They quarrel at the moft innocent decency and ornament, and defaced the ftatues and paintings on all the churches in Poland. have Sea. II. A TALE OF A TUB. , f - have his pockets loaden with ftones, to pelt at thfe ngns. 1 Having, from his manner of living, frequent occafion to -wajb himfelf, he would often leap over head and ears into water, though it were in the m.dd of -winter ; but was always oblerved to come out again much dirtier ,, if poflible, than he went He was the flrft that ever found out the fecrct of contriving a foporiferous medicine to be conveyed in ■Atuieears It xvas a compound of fnlphur, and balm cf Gilead, with a little pilgrim's'falvt*. . WOr ? a la . r f P^r of artificial covjlics on his ftomach, with the fevour of which he could let himlclf a groaning, like the famous board upon application of a red-hot iron. * He would hand in the turning of a ftreet; and, cailmg to thole who palled by, wopld cry to onr, «, hi °rl y u' r ’ U .? mc thc honour o( a good flap „ h / cha ? s ; to another, “ Hone It friend. .< ” VO " r a handfomc kick on the arlc. „ JJ adam > I intreat a fmall box on the ear .. . m y° u . r Eadyfhip’s fair hand ? Noble Cap- , c “ ,n ? ^nda realonable thwack, for the love of .< S od ? ‘hat cane of yours, over thefe poor n • And when kc had, by fuch ear. neft fol.citat.ons, made a Ihift to procure a bafting fuflicient to fwell up his fancy and his Tides, he would return home extremely comforted, and full of ernble accounts of what he had undergone for the public good. “ Pbferve this Itroke,” faid he, fl.cw- tqg his bare (boulders, “ a plaguy jani/ary gave it 1 Bjpufm of adults by plunging. |i Fanatic preaching, trmpofed cither of hell and damnation ora V ? irt f S 6 A TALE OF A TUB, bUt SJ ,"' 41 p™-- 4 S; IS. SYS £They ha, ^ sfr Hum’ P,t I a ' n ’ “i !,Ukir ' 6 h wHSf' ^ ^ a conventicle, w,th .he cnfgns of hi, office. ***** O to 1 Cuftard is a famous difh at a Lord Mayor’s feafL VoL - 1 - X 162 A TALE OF A TUB. to proceed fo far as to injure their healths, for an accident pad remedy: I now* go on to the ceremo¬ nial part of an accomplilhcd writer; and therefore, by a courtly modern r lead: of all others to be omit¬ ted. THE CONCLUSION. too long is a caufe of abortion as effectual, ^ though not fo frequent, as going too Jhort ; and holds true efpecially in the labours of the brain. Well fare the heart of that noble Jefuit J who drd adventured to confefs in print, that books mud be fuited to their feveral feafons, like drefs, and diet, and diverdons; and better fare our noble nation, for refining upon this, among other French modes. I am living fad to fee the time, when a book that mifles its tide, fhall be negle&ed, as the moon by day, or like mackarel a week after the feafon. No man hath more nicely obferved our climate, than the bookfeller who bought the copy of this work. He knows to a tittle, what fubje&s will go bed off in a dry year, and which it is proper to expofe fore- mod, when the weather-glafs is fallen to much rain . When he had fe'en this treatrfe, and confulted his almanack upon it, he gave me to underdand, that he had manifedly conddered the two principal things, which were the bulk and the fubjeft ; and found, it would never take , but after a long vacation; and then only, in cafe it flmuld happen to be a hard year for turnips. Upon which I dedred to know, confidering my urgent neceffities , what he thought might be acceptable this month. He looked ivejl- voard, and faid, “ I doubt we fhall have a dt of “ bad weather ; however, if you could prepare J Pere d'Orica is. fome 77j£ Concluftcn. fome pretty little banter , [but not in verfe) or a ‘ fmall treatile upon the-it would run like " uild-fire. But, if it holdup, I have already hired an a «thor to write fometliing againft Dr. Bendy, “ which, I am fure, will turn to account At length we agreed upon this expedient, That when a cuftomer comes for one of thele, and de¬ tires in confidence to know the author ; he will tell him very privately, as a friend, naming which ever ot the wits fhall happen to be that week in vogue ; and if Durfey’s lal't play ihould be in courfc, 1 had as lieve he may be the perfon as Congreve. This I mention, becaufe I am wonderfully well acquaint¬ ed with the prefent relilh of courteous readers; and have often obferved with Angular plealurc, that a py duven from a honey-pot, will immediately with very good appetite alight, and finifli his meal on an excrement. I have one word to fay upon the fubjeft of pro¬ found -Writers, who are grown very numerous of . e 5 f n u» 1 know very well, the judicious world is reiolved to lilt me in that number. I conceive therefore, as to the bufincfs of being profound, that it is with writers as with wells ; a perfon with good eyes may fee to the bottom of the deepeft, provided any water be there; and often, whenthcre is nothing m the world at the bottom, betides drynefs and dirt though it be but a yard and a half under ground, it thall pats however for wondrous deep, upon no wifer a reafon, than becaufe it is wondrous dink. I am now trying an experiment, very frequent among modern authors; which is, to write upon nothing ; when the fubjelt is utterly cxhauftcd, to let the pen ftill move on ; by fome called the ghoft ot wit, delighting to walk after the death of its bo- OM W AT Dr - P ' ,dfJUI brou S ht ,he c °py of *»is Conneflion of the OU and New Tcfhmcnt to the bookrdler, he told him, it was a dry . and . lhc Panting could not fafely be ventured, unlcfs be could cnli'vtn y u::b a Mil' Ivrcur, Xz dy. A TALE OF A TUU. dy. And, to fay the truth, there feems to he no part of knowledge in fewer hands, than that of difeerning when to have done . By the time that an author hath written out a book, he and his readers are become old acquaintants, and grow very loth to part; lp that I have fometimes known it to be in writing, as in vifiting, where the ceremony of tak¬ ing leave has employed more time than the whole converfation before. The conclufion of a treadle refembles the conclufton of human life, which hath lometimes been compared to the end of a fealt ; where few are fatisfied to depart, nt plena s vita con - viva: for men will fit down after the fulled meal, though it be only to doze, or to Jleep out the reft of the day. But, in this latter, I differ extremely from other writers ; and fhall be too proud, if, by all my labours, I can have any ways contributed to the rcpoje of mankind in times fo turbulent and un¬ quiet as thefe *. Neither do I think fuch an em¬ ployment lb very alien from the office of a wit , as home would fuppofe. For among a very polite na¬ tion in Greece, there were the fame temples built and confecrated to Sleep and the Mnfes, between which two deities they believed the ftrifteft friend¬ ship was eftablifhed f . I have one concluding favour to requeft of my reader, That he will not expert to be equally di¬ verted and informed by every line, or every page oi this difeourfe; but give fome allowance to the author s fpleen, and iliort fits or intervals of dul- nefs, as well as his own ; and lay it ferioufly to his conscience, whether, if he were walking the ftreets in dirty weather, or a rainy day, lie would allow ;t fair dealing in folks at their eafe from a window iO criticife his gait, and ridicule his drefs at fuch a juncture. * "T v/r T en before the P^ce of KyMc k, which was fign. ed in September 1697. t Trwsnii, Patrian. 1, 2 . In Thi Concluf.cn. In my difpofure of employments of the brain I have thought lit to make invention the majhr, and to give method and rra/0/2 the office of lacqueys. . 1C cau * c of this distribution was, from obferving tt my peculiar cafe to be often under a temptation or being -witty upon occafions, where I could be neither wife nor Jound, nor any thing to the matter m hand. And I am too much a l'ervant of the modern way, to ncgleft any fuch opportunities, what¬ ever pains or improprieties I may be at to introduce them For I have obferved, that from a laborious collc^ion of feven hundred thirty-eight flowers, and flowing hints of the beft modern authors, digell- ed with great reading into my book of common¬ places; \ have not been able, after five years, to draw, hook, or force into common converlation any more than a dozen. Of which dozen, the one moiety failed ot fucccfs, by being dropped among un fin table company; and the other coil me fo ma¬ ny It tains, and traps, and ambages to introduce, ,?i? t 1 a } ' cn g t b rcfolved to give it over. Now, this dilappointment, (to difeover a fecret), I mult own gave me the firft hint of fetting up for an author’- and 1 have fince found among forne particular ‘"ends, that it is become a very general complaint, and has produced the fame cffedls upon many o- thers. l or I have remarked many a towardiy wood to be wholly ncgleited or defpifed in difeourfe, which hath palled very' fmoothly, with fome confidcra- tion and cl teem, after its preferment and fanftion m print. But now fince, by the liberty and encou¬ ragement ot the prefs, I am grown absolute mailer ot the occafions and opportunities to expofe the ta¬ lents I have acquired; I already difeover, that the tjjucs of my obfervanda begin to grow too large for r n,erc ‘' ore I ^all here paufe a while. In 1 • .'Jy fce J‘ n S the world’s pulfe and my own, that it will be of abfolute ncceffity for us both to ry;u.nc tnv urn. A I A full and true Account of the BATTLE fought laft Friday, between the Ancient and the Modern Books in St. James’s Library. The Bookseller to the Reader. HTHE following difcourfe, as it is unqueftionably of the fame author, fo it feems to have been written about the fame time with the former; I mean, the year 1697, when the famous difpute was on foot, about ancient and modern learning . The controverfy took its rife from an eflay of Sir Wil¬ liam Temple’s upon that fubjedt; which was an- fwered by W. Wotton, B. D. with an appendix by Dr. Bentley, endeavouring to deftroy the credit of Atfop and Phalaris for authors, whom Sir Wil¬ liam Temple had, in the eflay before mentioned, highly commended. In that appendix, the Dodlor falls hard upon a new edition of Phalaris, put out by the Honourable Charles Boyle (now Earl of Orrery) ; to which Mr. Boyle replied at large with great learning and wit; and the Doctor volu- luminoufly rejoined. In this difpute, the town highly refented to fee a perfon of Sir William Temple’s character and merits roughly ufed by the two reverend gentlemen aforefaid, and without any manner of provocation. At length, there appearing no end of the quarrel, our author tells us, that the BOOKS in St. James’s library, look- ing upon themfelves as parties principally concern¬ ed, took up the controverfy, and came to a deci¬ de battle; but the manufcript, by the injury of The Preface of the Author. iCy fortune or weather, being in feveral places imper feft, we cannot learn to which fide the vidorv fell. 1 I muff warn the reader, to beware of applying to perfons, what is here meant only of books m the moft literal fenfe. So, when Virgil is men¬ tioned, we are not to underhand the perfon of a famous poet called by that name; but only cer- tain fheets of paper, bound up in leather, con¬ taining in print the works of the faid poet : And lo of the relt. The Preface of the Author. C A tire is a fort of ghifs, wherein beholders do ge¬ nerally difeover every' body’s face but their own; which is the chief reafon for that kind reception it meets with in the world, and that fo very few are offended with it. But if it Ihould happen otherwife, the danger is not great; and I have learned from long experience, never to ap¬ prehend mifehief from thofe underhandings I have been able to provoke. For anger and fury, though they add ftrcrtgth to the f nevus of the tody, yet arc found to relax thofe of the mind, and to render all us efforts feeble and impotent. There is a brain that will endure but one bum¬ ming ; let the owner gather it with diferetion, and manage his little hock with hulbandry. But of all things, let him beware of bringing it under the In/b of his betters ; becaufc that will make it all bubble up into impertinence, and he will find no new fupply : Wit without knowledge being a fort of cream, which gathers in a night to the top, and by a fkilful hand may be foon whipped into froth ; but once feummed away, what appears underneath) will be lit for nothing, but to be thrown to the hogs! I 168 1 A fall and true Account of the Battle fought laft Friday, 6 c *. ^TTIIoever examines with due circumfpe&ion in* * ^ to the annual records of true, will find it re* marked, that war is the child of pride , and pride * The Battlt of the Books took its rife from a controversy between Sir William Temple and Mr. Wotton \ a controverfy which made much noile, and employed many pens towards the latter end of the laft century. This humorous treatile is drawn up in an heroic comic ftile, in which Swift, with great wit and Spirit, gives the vi&ory to the former. The general plan is excellent, but particu¬ lar parts aie deftflivC. The frequent chafms puzzle and interrupt the narrative : They neither convey any latent ideas j ncr point out any diftintt or occult farcaims. Some characters are barely touched Upon, which might have been extended, others arc enlarged, which might have be en contracted. The name of Horace is infertedj and Virgil is introduced only for an opportunity of comparing his tianflator Dry den, to the lady in a lobfier 5 to a muj'e under * canopy of fate j and to a Jh* welled beau wit bin the pentboufe of & full- bottomed periwig. Thefe fimiles carry the true^kmp of ridicule. But rancour muft be very prevalent in the heart of an author, who could overlook, the merits of Dryden; many of whole dedications and prefaces are as fine compofitiom, and , and as juft pieces of cri- ticifm, as any in our language. The trnnflation of Virgil was a work of hafte and indigence. Dryden was equal to the undertaking, but unfortunate during the conduct of it.-The two chief heroes among the modern generals, are Wotton and Bentley. Their fi¬ gures are difplayed in the moft difadvantageous attitudes. The for¬ mer is deferibed, “ full of l'pleen, dulnefs, and ill manners.” The latter is reprefented. naxnical machine called the Orrery % Orrery. the THE BATTLE OF THE BOOKS. 169 ttv daughter of riches f. The former of which af- rl° n r S ^ a l be foon § ranted ; but one cannot fo eauly iublcnbe to the latter. For Pride is nearly re¬ lated to beggary and /Fane, either by father or mo¬ ther, and lometimes by both: and, to l'peak natu¬ rally, it very leldom happens among men to fall out when all have enough ; invafions ufually travelling trom north to fouth, that is to fay, from Poverty to rknty. The molt ancient and natural grounds of quarrels are Lujl and Avarice ; which, though we may allow to be brethren or collateral branches of \ rue \ are certainly the LEues of Want. For to .'peak In the phrafe of writers upon politics, we mav obferve in the republic of Dog,, which in its origi¬ nal leems to be an inftitution of the many, that foe whole itate is ever in the profoundeft peace, after a , * m . > and that civil broils arife among them, when it happens for one great hone to be feized 011 ty tom lading dog; who cither divides it among the feta, and then it tails to an oligarchy ; or keeps it to himfelf, and then it runs up to a tyranny. The lame reafoning alio holds place among them, in thole dillenfions wc behold upon a turgefcency in any of their females. For, the right of pofleffion lying in common, (it being impofliblc to eftablilh a property in fo delicate a cafe,) jealoulics and 1’ufpi- cions do io abound, that the whole commonwealth ot that ftreet is reduced to a manifeft Jtate of war of c\ cry citizen againft every citizen ; till fome one of morecouragc, conduft, or fortune than the reft, feizes and enjoys the prize : Upon which naturally anfes plenty of heart-burning, andcnvvandl'narling againft the happy dog. Again, if we look upon any or 1 ncle republics engaged in a foreign war, either cf invafion or defence, wc fhall hnd the lame rea- t R.ches prcduceth prdet ptide i» war’* ground, (tfe. V.d Fytrm. ot Mj-jCJarle. tf.1. edit. -now called 0W’i Jb,a atai- , ar.d primed by } Rvbrrts f.»r the company oi ftationcrs. y| foning 1 7 o THE BATTLE OF THE BOOKS. foning will ferve as to the grounds and occafions of each ; and that Poverty or Want, in fome degree or other, (whether real, or in opinion, which makes no alteration in the cafe), has a great {hare, as well as Pride, on the part of the aggreffor. Now, whoever will pleafe to take this fcheme, and either reduce or adapt it to an intellectual hate, or commonwealth of learning, will foon difeover the firlt ground of difagreement between the two great parties at this time in arms ; and may form juft conclufions upon the merits of either caufe. But the iffue or events of this wai\are not fo eafy to conjecture at, for the prefent quarrel is fo in- ilamed by the warm heads of either faCUon, and the pretenfions fomewbere or other fo exorbitant, as not to admit the leaft overtures of accommodation. This quarrel ftrft began, as 1 have heard it affirmed by an old dweller in the neighbourhood, about a fmall fpot of ground, lying and being upon one of the two tops of the hill Parnaflus ; the higheft and largeft of which had, it feems, been, time out of mind, in quiet pofteffion of certain tenants called the Ancients ; and the other was held by the Mo¬ derns. But thefe difliking their prefent ftation, fent certain ambalfadors to the Ancients , complain¬ ing of a great nuifance ; how the height of that part of Parnafius quite fpoiled the profpeCt of theirs, efpecially towards die eajl ; and therefore, to avoid a war, offered them the choice of this al¬ ternative, either that the Ancients would pleafe to remove themfelves and their effeCls down to the lower fummity, which the Moderns would graciouily furrender to them, and advance in their place; or elfe, that the faid Ancient will give leave to the Moderns to come with (hovels and mattocks, and level the faid hill as low as they fhall think it convenient. To which the Ancients made anfwer, How little they expeCled fuch a meflage as dils, from a colony whom they had admitted, out THE BATTLE OF THE BOOKS. , 7I omof^drown free grace, to fo near a neigh¬ bourhood: That, as to their own feat, they were Aborigines of it; and therefore to talk with them ot a removal or iurrender, was a language thev did ■??- ^''>5 heigh, 1 he hill on f *‘""' J <■“ Profpea of ,he it was a dil advantage they could not help ; but de- fired them to conllder, whether that injury (if it trPr re T gdy recom P en fi’d by the Jhade zndjleltent afforded them: That, as'to the le¬ velling or digging down, it was either folly or i«. tlf'** did - or did not knot?, wnnlHk ‘f e ? f . the h,J1 was an en t're rock, which uld break their tools and hearts without anv da- ^ g !/° ltfelf: That th ey would therefore a'dvife the M»kns rather to raile their own lidc of the hill, than dream of pulling down that of the sfr- cvnts ; to the former of which they would not on- y give licence, but alio largely contribute. All this was rejected by the Modern, with much in¬ dignation; who ftUl infifted upon one of the two a X lonl ,ent H K^ nd i0 this differcnce broke out into oit h f°i ‘ natC W3r; maintaincd on the one part by refolution, and by the courage of certain leaders and allies; but on the other, by the gS rom-° f t . heir numbcr ’ u P° n all defeats affording contmual recruits. In this quarrel, whole rivulet! of ink have been exhaufted, and the virulence of both parties enormoully augmented. Now, it mult here be underftood, that ink is the great miflive weapon m all battles of the teamed, which conveyed through a fort of engine, called a quilt, infinite numbers of thefe arc darted at the enemy by the valiant on each fide, with equal (kill and violence, as it it were an engagement of porcupines This malignant liquor was compounded by the cn- "^ Jn T tedit ’, 0f, "° -Srcdie/us, which Z llr in f C ° PP A aS ’ b y Its bitternefs and venom to Juit in fome degree, as well as to foment, the * 2 genius THE BATTLE OF THE BOOKS. 172 genius of the combatants. And as the Grecians, after an engagement, when they could not agree about the victory, were wont to fet up trophies on bothfides; the beaten party being content to be at the fame expence to keep itfelf in countenance, (a laud¬ able and ancient cuftom, happily revived of late in the art of war) ; fo the learned , after a fliarp and bloody difpute, do on both Tides hang out their trophies too, whichever comes by theworft. The lb trophies have largely inferibed on them the merits of the caufe; a full impartial account of fuch a battle, and how the viftory fell clearly to the party that fet them up. They are known to the world under feveral names ; as Difputes , Arguments, Re¬ joinders, Brief Confide rations, Anfwers, Replies, Remarks , Rflexions, Objections , Confutations, Fora very few days they are fixed up in all public places, either by thcmfelves or their reprefentatives *, for pafiengers to gaze at : From whence the chiefeft and largeft are removed to certain magazines, they call libraries, there to remain in a quarter pur^- pofely afligned them, and from thenceforth begin to be called hoiks of cant rove rfy. In thefe books is wonderfully infilled and pre- ferved the fpirit of each warrior, while he is alive ; and after his death, his foul tranfmigrates there, to inform them. This, at leaf!:, is the more common opinion. But I believe, it is with libraries as with other ccemeteries, where feme philofophers affirm, that a certain fpirit, which they call brutum hominis, hovers over the monument, till the body is corrupted, and turns to dtift or to worms, but then vanifhes or difiolves: So, we may fay, a re fiefs fpirit haunts over every book , till dufi or worms have feized upon it; which to fome may happen in a few days, but to others later. And therefore books of controversy being of all ethers haunted by the molt diforderiy *73 THE BATTLE OF THE BOOKS. fp’uits, have always been confined in a feparatc lodge from die reit ; and, for fear of mutual vio¬ lence again ft each other, it was thought prudent by om aiiccitoi s, to bind them to the peace with ftrong iron chains. Of which invention the ori¬ ginal occafion was this. When the works of Scotus lint came out, they were carried to a certain great library, and had logings appointed them : But diis author \\ as no fooner fettled dian he went to vifit his mafter Ariftotle ; and there both concerted to¬ gether to ieize Plato by main force, and turn him out from his ancient ftation among the divines, where he had peaceably dwelt near eight hundred years. The attempt lucceeded, and the two u- iurpers have reigned ever fincc in his ftead. But to maintain quiet for the future, it was decreed, that all polemics of the larger lize fhould be held faft with a chain. By this expedient, the public peace of libraries might certainly have been preferved, if a new fpe- cie^ ot controverfial books had not arofe of late years, inftin was buried alive in fiome obfure corner, andthreatr ened, upon the leaft difpicafure, to be turned out of door. Befides, it fo happened, that about this time there was a ftrange confufion of place among all the books in the library ; for which feveral rea- fions were afligned. Some imputed it to a great heap of learned dujl, which a perverfe wind blew * The Hinourable Mr. Boyle, in the preface to his edition of Phalaris, lays, he was refufed a manufeript by the library-keeper, pro f'Jita humeri rate fua. lbu J . Dr. Hentlev was then library keeper. The two ancients were Pluiaris and /3£fop. off THE BATTLE OF THE EOOKS. j 7 - oftfrom a fhelf of Moderns into the keeper's t yes Others affirmed, he had a humour to pick the t,KU 1 a ™ come honedly by my wings;and my voice: for then, it (corns, I am tged to Heaven alone tor mv flights and my inul.c; and Providence would never have be- Lowed on me two fuch gifts, without defigning them for the nobleft ends. 1 vifit indeed all the Aon ere and blofloms of the field and garden : ut whatever I col left from thence, enriches . >felf, without the leaf! injury to their beautv, their fincll, or their talk. Now, for vou and your lkill in architecture and other mathematics, I have little to fay. In that building of yours there might, for aught I know, have been la- bour and method enough; but, by woful expe- nence for us both, it is plain, the materials are naught ; and I hope you will henceforth take warning, and confider duration and matter, as well as method and art. You bead indeed of being obliged to no other creature, but of draw¬ ing and fpinning out all from vourfelf; that is to lay, if we may judge of the liquor in the vef- fil wha *’ < T ues °, nt * y° u PoiTefs a good plaid. u f , re r ° f dlrt and P oir ° n «n your bread. And though I would by no means leflen or difparaae your genuine dock of either, yet, I doubt, vou are fomewhat obliged for an increafe of both to a little foreign aflidance. Your inherent portion of dirt does not fail of acquifitions, by fwcepings, ^ 2 “ exhaled Ib’o THE BATTLE OF THE BOOKS. tc exhaled from below; and one infe**p™der. which In- ralhbly killed without report. There came feveral bodies of heavy-armed foot, all mercenaries, under vL e . ,f\° Gu l c r ciardlne ’ D ‘ lvila . Polydore, \ irgil, Buchanan, Mariana, Camden, and others. commanded by Regiomontanus and \\ ilkins. The reft were a confided multitude, iedbyScotus Aquinas, and BcUarmine; of migh¬ ty bulk and ftaturc, but without either arms, cou- rage or difciphne. In the laft place, came infi- nite (warms of calories*, a difordcrly rout led by L Eitrange ; rogues and raggamuffins, that follow the camp tor nothing but the plunder; all without coats to cover them f. The army of die Ancients was much fewer in ?.T b , er > Corner lcd thc borfe, and Pindar the hgbtborfe- Euclid was chief engineer- Pl ato and Ariftotle commanded the itnvmen; Herodotus and 1 H, PP°crates the dragoons-, the allies led by Vofiius, and Temple brought up thc rear. All things violently tending to a decifive batdc, tame, who much frequented, and had a large a- partment formerly afligned her in thc regal library, fledupftraitto Jupiter, to whom the delivered a .aithful account of all that palTed between the two tcvt™m^ e r , »"l h0 d i f "7 ,ed ,he cirTu|jtion of the blood 5 a dif- tovery much iniiAed on by the advocates for the Modern., anawcept- ' d “ h ' k V,. Sir William Temple, in hi. elTay. p. £ ‘ both hi.T;- y ; lll,ng ,h “ d,fori " l y the author point, both h.s fatire and contempt a t a nft all fon. of mercenary fcribler. " c h n ,h *y »" «mn»nue.i by the leader, and patron, of fed.’ t.00, faction, corruption, and e.ery e.il work. Thev are (tiled r ^'a. h? / ,KC> V L hC ? 3nrft “<» dcfpicablc o"!ll ifcT* wemrh^’ ’a^u ° nzU ‘ ? to ,he 0! P”*** fami- / C J” C mcanc ^ °f *11 flavci or fervants uhatfoever. T ^fcefe are pamphlet, v%hich arc nc-t t u n J or covered. parties 184 THE BATTLE OF THE BOOKS. parties below; for among the Gods fhc always tells truth. Jove, in great concern, convokes a coun¬ cil in the Milky Way. The fenate affembled : he declares the occafion of convening them; a bloody battle juft impendent between two mighty armies of Ancient and Modern creatures, called booh, wherein the celeftial intereft was but too deeply concerned. Momus, the patron of the Moderns , made an excellent fpeech in their favour; which was anfwered by Pallas, the prote&refs of the An¬ cients. The aflembly was divided in their affec¬ tions ; when Jupiter commanded the book of Fate to be laid before him. Immediately were brought by Mercury, three large volumes in folio, con¬ taining memoirs of all things paft, prefent, and to come. The clafps were of filver, double gilt; the covers of celeftial turkey-leather, and the paper fuch as here on earth might almoftpafs for vellum. Jupiter, having filently read the decree, would communicate the import to none, but prefently Ihut up the book. Without the doors of this affembly, there attend¬ ed a vaft number of light, nimble gods, menial fervants*to Jupiter. Thefe are his miniltering in- ftruments in all affairs below. They travel in a ca¬ ravan, more or lefs together, and are faftened to each other, like a link of galley-flaves, by a light chain, which pafles from them to Jupiter’s great toe. And yet, in receiving or delivering a mef- fage, they may never approach above the loweft llep of his throne, where he and they whifper to each other through a long hollow trunk. Thefe deities are called by mortal men, Accidents or E- vents; but the gods call them Second Caufes. Ju¬ piter having delivered his meffage to a certain num¬ ber of thefe divinities, they flew immediately down to the pinnacle of the regal library, and, confut¬ ing a few minutes, entered unfeen, and difpofed the parties according to their orders. Mean THE BATTLE OF THE BOOKS. rg* . RIean wll ' le > Glomus, fearing die worft, and call¬ ing to mind an ancient prophecy, which bore no very good face to his children the Moderns, bent his flight to the region of a malignant deity, called Cntiajm She dwelt on the top of a lhowy moun- exten?H ° V K 'J a - ThCre Mo,nus ^nd her extended m her den, upon the lpoils of number- / olumes half devoured. At her right hand fat hC p and hu blind with age; at her left, PruJe, her mother, drefling her up in the 1 craps of paper herielf had torn. There was fn^T’ i 1,lter ’ “Sht of foot, hood-v,inked, f n d h e»d-ftrong ; y«8*fdy, and perpetually turn- mg About her played her children, A’Jfe and Zt Jr7*JU ft and V 4u ty ' Swst lfe f T' - r T J“ g0ddcfs herll ‘ lf had r l C r* her head > and ears » and voice, relembled thole of an a/s; her teeth fallen out bc- 1V 1 li nnn*"h fF?r'^'“ Ward » 38 if looked On- / pon herielf; her diet was the overflowing of 1 own S al h htvfpUcn was fo large, as to ftand prominent like a dug of the firft rate; nor wanted excrelcences in form of teats, at which a crew of “ § ‘ y "| n ?7 WCrC g: : eedil - v fuckin s ; and, what n J r r /' l ° L concelve » 'he bulk of fplccn in- -God/rf^ r^, n »f le luckin S could diminifh it. ’ , aid Momus, “ canyon lit idly here, „ Y. e ? ur devout worllnppers, the Mtdtrns, are tins minute entering into a cruel battle, and per- “ miL% n Wh yU, K S U K dC1 ' ' h ° Avord5 of ^cir cne- “ h‘-.V ? Vh then herea f' er w *ll ever facrilice, or “ h ^ ° Ur divin ‘ ticS ? Hafte therefore to “ frf v' 7 ' J ’u a , nJ l lf P ° ffiblc - P«vcnt their « t, 0 ?'’ W1 Y 1C 1 makc faff ions among the gods, and gam them over to our party ” Momus having thus delivered himfelf,‘flaid not for an anlwer but left the goddefs to her own re fentment, Up flie rofe in a rage ; and, as it is the form upon fuch occafions, began a Ibliloquy. V0L * h A a «« *86 THE BATTLE OF THE BOOKS. u It is I,” (faid flie) who give wifdom to infants “ and idiots; by me children grow wifer than u their parents; by me beaux become politicians, tc and fcbcol-boys judges of philosophy ; by me fo- ic phifters debate, and conclude upoti the depths iC of knowledge ; and coffeehoitfe wits, inftin lh,eld againft Biield, and lance againft „ ance Y hat Modern of ' us J are ? For he fights IC n C a anc ^ ^ a ^ as or Apollo are ever at his elbow. But, Oh, mother ! if what Fame reports w bc true * I am the fon of fo great a roddefs, «. ? rai ?t me to h, t Temple with this lance, that the the afliftance of fo foul a g'AJefs, fhould pollute his fountain, put on die fhape of-, and foftly came to young Boyle, who then accompanied Tem- t Vid. Uom«, pic : >98 THE battle of the books: pie: he pointed firft to the lance, then to the di- ftant Modern that flung it, and commanded the young hero to take immediate revenge. Boyle, clad in a fuit of armour which had been given him by all the gods *, immediately advanced againft the trembling foe, who now fled before him. As a young lion in the Libyan plains, or Araby Defert, fent by his aged lire to hunt for prey, or health, or exercife ; he fcours along, wilhing to meet fome ty- ger from the mountains, or a furious boar ; if chance a wild afs , with brayings importune affronts his ear ; the generous beaft, though loathing to diftain his claws with blood fo vile, yet much pro¬ voked at the offenfive noife ; which Echo , foolilh nymph, like her ill-judging fix, repeats much loud¬ er, and with more delight than Philomela's fong ; he vindicates the honour of the foreff, and hunts the noify long-ear’d animal: fo Wotton fled, fo Boyle purfued. But Wotton, heavy-armed, and flow of foot, began to flack his courfe; when his lover Bentley appeared, returning laden with the fpoils of the two fleeping Ancients. Boyle obferved him well; and foon difeovering the helmet and fhield of Phalaris his friend, both which he had lately, with his own hands, new polifhed and gilt; rage fparkled in his eyes; and leaving his purfuit after Wotton, he furioufly ruffled on againft this new approaches Fain would he be revenged on both; but both now fled different ways. And as a woman in a little houfe, that gets a painful live¬ lihood by fpinning * ; if chance her geefi be lcat- * Boyle was aflifted in this difpute by Dean Aldrich, Dr. Atter- hury, afterwards Bifhop of Rochelter, and other perfons at Oxford, celebrated for their genius and their learning, then called the Cbiijt- ebureb •wtts. * This is alfo after the manner of Homer; the woman’s getting a painful livelihood by fpinning, has nothing to do with the fimiiitude, nor would be excufable without fuck an authority. Vid. Horner.' tered THE BATTLE OF THE BOOKS. i 99 tered o'er the common, Hie courfes round the plain from fide to fide, compelling here and there the ftragglers to the Hock; they cackle loud, and flut¬ ter o’er the champaign : fo Boyle purfued, fo fled this pair of friends. Finding at length their flight was vain, they bravely joined, and drew themfelvcs in phalanx, Firft, Bentley threw a fpear with all his force, hoping to pierce the enemy’s breaft. But Pallas came unfeen, and in the air took off* the point, and clapped on one of lead; which, after a dead bang againft the enemy's fliield, fell blunted to the ground. Then Boyle, obferving well hi> time, took up a lance of wondrous length and fharpnefs; and as this pair of friends compared, flood clofe fide to fide, he wheeled him to the right,* and, with unufual force, darted the weapon. Bent¬ ley law his fate approach; and flanking down his arms clofe to his ribs, hoping to lave his body ; in went the point palling through arm and lide: nor ft opt or lpent its force, till it had alfo pierced the valiant Wotton; who going to fuflain his dvinp friend, fhared his fate. As when a lkilful cook has trufled a brace of woodcocks , he, with iron lkew- er, pierces the tender fides of both, their legs and wings clofe pinioned to their ribs : fo was this pair of friends transfixed, till down they fell, joined in their lives, joined in their deaths ; fo elofely join¬ ed, that Charon would miftake them both for one, and waft them over the Styx for half his fare. Farcwel, beloved, loving pair; few equals have you left behind : and happy and immortal fhall you be, if all my wit and eloquence can make you. And now. * * # • • • De/unt ccetera. £ 200 3 A DISCOURSE concerning the MECHA¬ NICAL OPERATION of the SPIRIT. In a Letter to a Friend. A FRAGMENT. SCXXXXX /v\ /\A/'v >: ’ V V V V* V ■A/vs/’ i/sM he Bookseller’s Advertisement* TPHE following difcourfe came into my hands perfect and entire. But there being feveral things in it which the prefent age would not very well bear, I kept it by me fomc years, rcfolving it fhould never fee the light,. At length, by the ad- vice and affiftance of a judicious friend, I retrench- ed thole parts that might give molt offence, and have now ventured to publilh the remainder. Con¬ cerning the author, I am wholly ignorant; neither can I conjedhire, whether it be the fame with that of the two foregoing pieces ; the original having been lent me at a aiderent time, and in a different hand. -the learned reader will better determine ; whole judgment I entirely flibmit it. A C 201 1 A Discourse concerning the Mechanical Operation of the SPIRIT * Far T. H. Efq ; f at his chambers in the academy of the Bcaux-efprits in New England. SIR, I T is now a good while fince I have had in my head fomething, not only very material, but abfoluteIy neeeirary to my health, that the world ihould be informed in. For, to tell you a iecret, I am able to contain it no longer. However, I have been perplexed for fome time, to rcfolve what would be the moft proper form to fend it a- road m. To which end, I have been three days courting through Weftminftcr-hall, and St. Paul’s church-yard, and Fleet-ftrect, to pcrufe titles ; and i do not find any which holds fo general a vogue, as that of A letter to a friend. Nothing is more „ * Thi* difcourfe i» not altogether equal to the former, the beft fhT, K° f a £' ng CD11t,C ?- Whether the fcookfeller'. aecoant be true, that he durft not pr.nt the reft, I know not •• nor indeed is it e.fy to etermine, whether he may be relied on in any thing he feys of this, or the former treauies, only as to the time they were'writ in : his re'a i °iT eVer ’ api>clr5 more from lhc difconrfes themfelves, than This difcourfe is a fatire againft enthufiafm, and thofe afTefled in- j P '7k°T’ Wh ; ch " n Wy. >"<1 very often end in vice. In this treatife, the author hath revelled in too licentious a vein of T : mjny . of , )“• ,deas •« naufeous, fome are indecent, and an trreligious tendency. Nor is the piece itfclf equal in lT°M r ’ a 't T f° rj, ‘ c f * ni - O' The Battle S ricf > Pi'", and the like. 1 nele three have been abundantly treated on by au- thors, and therefore (hall not employ my inquiry. , ut . c f0 ’ Jr th method of religious enthufiafm, or lanching out of the foul, as it it purely an cff. ftof artifice and mechanic operation, has been fparinglv • Seme writers hold them for the fim-, ethe s not. handled ON THE MECHANICAL handled, or not at all, by any writer; becaufe though it is an art of great antiquity, yet, having been confined to few perfons, it long wanted thofe advancements and refinements, which it afterwards met with, fince it has grown fo epidemic, and fallen into fo many cultivating hands. It is therefore upon this mechanical operation of the fpirit that I mean to treat, as it is at prefent per- formed by our Britifh workmen . I fhall deliver to the reader the refult of many judicious obfervations upon the matter; tracing, as near as I can, the whole courfe and method of this trade ; producing parallel inftances, and relating certain difeoveries that have luckily fallen in my way. I have faid, that there is one branch of religious enthufiafm , which is purely an effect of nature ; whereas the part I mean to handle, is wholly an efte once l«ir.g Pym, a celcbrat- ; dut croppej, inquired who that rcund-beetkd man uas: jssyaaKss.** **•*“ ..* *• them *o8 ON THE MECHANICAL them out of their ftations ; and while they arc ei* ther abfent, or otherwife employed, or engaged in a civil war againft each other, the fpirit enters, and performs its part. Now, the ufual methods of managing the fenfes upon fuch conjunctures, are what I lhall be veiy particular in delivering, as far as it is lawful for me to do; but having had the honour to be initiated into the myfteries of every fociety, I defire to be excufed from divulging any l'ites, wherein the/r^- fane muft have no part. But here, before I can proceed farther, a very dangerous objection muft, if poflible, be removed. For it is pofitively denied by certain critics, that the fpirit can by any means be introduced into an afTembly of modern faints ; the difparity being fo great, in many material circumflances, between the primitive way of infpiration, and that which is praCtifed in the prefent age. This they pretend to prove from the ad chapter of the A£ts, where, comparing both, it appears, firft, that the apcjllcs •were gathered together •with one accord in one place ; by which is meant an univerfal agreement in opi¬ nion and form of worfhip ; a harmony, fay they, fo far from being found between any two conven¬ ticles among us, that it is in vain to expeCt it be¬ tween any two heads in the fame. Secondly, The fpirit inftruCted die apofdes in the gift of fpeaking feveral languages ; a knowledge fo remote from our dealers in this art, that they neither underftand propriety of words, or phrafes, in their own, Laftly, fay thefe objeCtors, The modern artifts do utterly exclude all approaches of the fpirit> and bar up its ancient way of entering, by covering them- felves fo clofe, and fo induftrioufly a-top. For they will needs have it as a point clearly gained, that the cloven tongues never fat upon the apoftles heads, while their hats were on. Now, the force of thefe objections feems to con- lift OPERATION OF THE SPIRIT. 2 cp fill in the different acceptation of the word [pint- which if it be undcrliood for a fupematural aflift-’ ance, approaching from without, the objectors have reafon, and their afiertions mav be allowed • but thi/bint, we treat of here, proceeding entirely from within, the argument of thefe adverfaries is • wholly eluded. And, upon the fame account, our modern artificers find it an expedient of abfolute neceflity, to cover their heads as clofe as they can, m order to prevent perfpiration ; than which no¬ thing is oblerved to be a greater fpender of mecha¬ nic light, as we may perliaps farther lhew in con- Venient place. To proceed therefore upon the phenomenon of Liritual mechanijm, it is here to be noted, that in forming and working up the fpirit, the afiemblv has a confidcrable (hare, as well as the preacher. 1 he method of this arcanum is as follows. They violently ftrain their eye-balls inward, half doling tr.e lids; then, as they fit, they are in a perpetual motion of fee-fanu, making long hums at proper periods, and continuing the found at equal height* chufing their time in thofe intermifiions, while the preacher h at ebb. Neither is this practice in any part of it lo fingular and improbable, as not to be traced in diftant regions, from reading and obfer- vation. For, firft the Jauguis •, or enlightened iamts of India, fee all their vifions bv help of an acquired ftraining and preffure of the rv s. Se- condlv, the art of fee-fin, on a beam, and’(winging by feflion upon a cord, in order to raife artifiri d ecltalics, hath been derived to us from our Scythi¬ an anceltorsf, where it is praflifed at this day among the women. Laftly, the whole proceeding, as I l ive here related tt, is performed by the natives of Ire¬ land, with a confidcrable improvement; and it is • Brrn rr, mem. Mogol. t <3ua^nini hirt. Sirma:. Vol.I. D d granted, 210 ON THE MECHANICAL granted, that this noble nation hath of all others admitted fewer corruptions, and degenerated leaft from the purity of the old Tartars. Now, it is ufual for a knot of Irifli, men and women, to ab- ftradt themfelves from matter, bind up all their fen- fes, grow viflonary and fpiritual, by influence of a lhort pipe of tobacco handed round the company; each preferring the fmoke in his mouth, till it comes again to his turn to take in frefli. At the fame time there is a concert of a continued gentle hum, repeated and renewed by inflinfl, as occafion requires ; and they move their bodies up and down to a degree, that fometimes their heads and points lie parallel to the horizon. Mean while, you may obferve their eyes turned up in the poflure of one who endeavours to keep hiinfelf awake ; by which, and many other fymptoms among them, it mani- feftly appears, that the reafoning faculties are all fufpended and fuperfeded; that imagination hath ufurped the feat, fcattering a thoufands deliriums over the brain. Returning from this digrefllon, I fhall deferibe the methods by which the fpnit ap¬ proaches. The eyes being difpofed according to art, at flrfl: you can fee nothing ; but, after a fhort paufc, a fmall glimmering light begins to appear, and dance before you. Then, by frequently mo¬ ving your body up and down, you perceive the vapours to afeend very fall, till you are perfe&ly dofed, and fluftered, like one who drinks too much in a morning. Mean while, the preacher is- alfo at work; he begins a loud hum, which pierces you quite through : This is immediately returned* by die audience ; and you And yourfelf prompted to imitate them, by a mere fpontaneous impulfe, with¬ out knowing what you do. The interftitia are du¬ ly filled up by the preacher, to prevent too long a paufe, under which the fpirit would foon faint and grow languid. This OPERATION OF THE SPIRIT. 2 n This is all T am allowed to drfcover about the progrefs of the fp rit, with relation to that part ■which is bome by the ajfembly ; but in the methods ot the preacher, to which I now proceed, I Ihal! be more large and particular. SECT. II. will read it very gravely remarked in the books of thofe illuftrious and right eloquent penmen, the modern travellers, that the funda¬ mental difference in point of religion between the wild Indians and us, lies in this; that we worfhip God, and they worfhip the devil. But there are certain critics, who will by no means admit of this diftin&ion ; rather believing, that all nations what- foever adore the true God , becaufe they feem to in¬ tend their devotions to fome invifible power, of greateft goodnefs, and ability to help them ; which perhaps will take in the brighteft attributes aferibed to the divinity. Others again inform us, that thofe idolaters adore two principles ; the principle of good, and that of evil: which indeed I am apt to look tipon as the moll univerlal notion that mankind, by the mere light of nature, ever entertained of things invifible. How this idea hath been managed by the Indians and us, and with what advantage to the underftandings of either, may well deferve to be examined. To me the difference appears little more than this, that they are put oftner upon their knees by their fears , and we by our defircs ; that the former fet them a prayings and us a cxirfmg. What I applaud them for, is their difcrction in li¬ miting their devotions and their deities to their fe- D d 2 veral 212 ON THE MECHANICAL veral diftriCls; nor ever fufftring the liturgy of the white god, to crofs or to interfere with that of the black . Not fo with us; who, pretending, by the lines and meafures of our reafon, to extend the dominion of one invifible power, and contract that of the other, have difcovered a grofs ignorance in the natures of good and evil, and mod: horribly confounded the frontiers of both. After men have lifted up the throne of their Divinity to the ccelum empyraum , adorned with all fucli qualities and accomplifliments as themfelves feem mod: to value and poflefs ; after they have funk their prin¬ ciple of evil to the lowed centre, bound him with chains, loaded him with curfes, furnifhed him with viler difpofitions than any rake-hell of the town, accoutred him with tail, and horns, and huge claws, and iaucer eyes ; I laugh aloud to fee thefe reafoners at the lame time engaged in wife difpute about certain walks and purlieus, whether they are in the verge of God or the devil ; ferioudy debat¬ ing, whether luch and fuch influences come into mens minds from above or below, whether certain paflions and affections are guided by the evil fpirit Or the good. Dum fas atque nefas exiguo fine Uhidinum Difcernunt avidi - Thus do men edablifli a fellowfhip of Chnft with Melial, and fuch is the analogy they make between cloven tongues and cloven feet. Of the like nature is the difquifition before us. It hath continued thefe hundred years an even debate, whether the deport¬ ment and the cant of our Englilh enthuiiaftic preachers wer z pojfejfmi or inspiration ; and a world of argument has been drained on either lide, per¬ haps to little-purpofe. Tor I think it is in life as in tragedy , where it is held a conviction of great de¬ fect, both in order and invention, to interpofe the afiiftance U ■ ■ - ;» v OPERATION OF THE SPIRIT. 213 yililf ance of preternatural power, without an ahfo- , a!U ne '; elilt - v - However, it is a iketeh of human vanity, for every individual to imagine die l£h?S i mt f ei ‘ ed in hb concern. mifcn h H r S °| Ceany ° Ver 3 kennd * fome angel h ,, f | 0n P ur P° fe to help him by the h—d; it he hath knocked his head againft a poll u was the dev.1for his tins, let loofelrom hell on purnole to bullet him. Who, that fees a litde paulcry mortal droning, and dreaming, and drivel- lmg to a multitude, can think it agreeable to com¬ mon good icu.e, that eidicr heaven or hell ** ** ntyfteiy of vending fpiri- ual gifts is nothing but a trade , acquired by as much 3 iSdM° D a u maftered ky et i ual Plaice and ap- plicauon, as others are. This will belt appear bv uefcribing and deducing the whole proed's of the operation, as varioufly as it hath fallen under my knowledge or experience. ' # * * * * * # # ♦ * * # * ♦ # * * * ♦ * * » # # * * * * * ♦ * t Here the whole feheme of Spiritual me chan t jm was de¬ duced av.d explained, with an appearance of gnat read¬ ing and obfervation ; but it ii'iis tbought neither fife nor convenient to punt it. Here « may not b e amlfs to add a few words ut>- on the laudable praftice of wearing qui ted car! • Which is not a matter of mere cuftom, humour or of i-°ar f * f ° me W °. lll r P re ' end - but an inllirution Sfeftd > • Th - e< ' e ’ When mo *Rened " lHrea£ » Ko ? dI pcrlpiration; and, by rever- 214 ON THE MECHANICAL berating the heat, prevent the fpirit from evapo¬ rating any way but at the mouth ; even as a Ikilful houfewife, that covers a ftill with a wet clout for the fame reafon, and finds the fame effect. Fee it is the opinion of choice irirtuofi, that the brain is only a croud of little animals, but with teeth and claws extremely Sharp, and therefore cling together in the contexture we behold, like the pi&ure of Hobbes's Leviathan , or like bees in perpendicular fwarm upon a tree, or like a carrion corrupted in¬ to vermin, ftill preferring the fhape and figure of the mother animal: That all invention is formed by the morfure of two or more of thefe animals, upon certain capillary nerves, which proceed from thence ; whereof three branches fpread into the tongue, and two into the right hand. They hold alfo, that thefe animals are of a conftitution ex¬ tremely cold ; that their food is the air we attradl, their excrement phlegm ; and that what we vulgarly call rheums, and colds, and diftillations, is no¬ thing elfe but an epidemical loofenefs, to which that little commonwealth is very Subject, from the climate it lies under : Farther, that nothing lefs than a violent heat can difintangle thefe creatures from their hamated ftation of life, or give them vigour and humour to imprint the marks of their little teeth: That if the morfure be hexagonal, it produces poetry ; the circular gives eloquence ; if the bite hath been conical, the perfon whofe nerve is fo aftedled, ftiall be difpofed to write upon po¬ litics ; and fo of the reft. I {hall now difcourfe briefly, by what kind of practices the voice is beft governed, towards the composition and improvement of the fpirit ; for without a competent Skill in tuning and toning each word, and Syllable, and letter, to their due ca¬ dence, the whole operation is incomplete, mifles intirely of its effect on the hearers, and puts the workman himfelf to continual pain for new fupplies OPERATION OF THE SPIRIT. 215 fupplies without luccefs For it k m k„ dmloJ, that, in the lang " of the L'ri,' ‘“PP 1 * the place of {,„j, „„| /«, inthe language of men; becaufe in fpirituil ,he ' vo,ds g g is ever in greateft perfeftion, when manaced fage are of opinion, the word in its gS & feme rather think it to have bin L ’os Hf dee'de th mCe *• ‘ ^ u£n £7o* whatever they pleale. 7 l ° ftck tr0m 11 . The ‘"gredient towards the art of cantina is a competem lliare of ir-w ,rd light; that isrofiy* &5E ” i ' h poXylyllabies, and mvftcrious texts from holw m !^Sa--3S£i fisz nig the icripture to be now fulfilled, where it fr™ »•>/«/. w. . ^° w » tke art of canting confuTs i n Ikilfullv adinr ing the voice to whatever words the fpirk Ef * Cach ftnke thc ears of the audience with 31 6 ON THE MECHANICAL Its moft fignificant cadence. The force or energy of this eloquence is not to be found, as among ancient orators, in the difpolition of words to a fentence, or the turning of long periods ; but, a- greeable to the modern refinements in mufrc, is ta¬ ken up wholly in dwelling and dilating upon fyl- lables and letters. Thus, it is frequent for a Angle vowel to draw fighs from a multitude ; and for a whole alTembly of faints, to fob to the mufic of one folitary liquid . But thefe are trifles, when even founds inarticulate, are obferved to produce as forcible effects. A matter-workman {hall blow his ntfe fo powerfully , as to pierce the hearts of his people, who are difpofed to receive the excrements of his brain, with the fame reverence as the ijfue of it. Hawking, (pitting, and belching, the de¬ fers of other mens rhetoric, are the flowers, and figures, and ornaments of his. For, th efpirit be¬ ing the fame in all, it is of no import through what vehicle it is conveyed. It is a point of too much difficulty, to draw the principles of this famous art within the com- pafs of certain adequate rules. However, per¬ haps I may one day oblige the world with my critical eflay npon the art of canting, philofopbically , phyfically , and mufic ally confdered. But, among all improvements of the fpirit where¬ in the voice hath borne a part, there is none to be compared with that of conveying the found through the nofe y which, under the denomination of frvUjf - ling *, hath patted with fo great applaufe in the world. The original of this inftitution are \z\y dark ; but having been initiated into die myftery of it, and leave being given me to publifh it to*the world, I fliall deliver as direfr a relation as I can. * The fnuffling of m-n, who have loft their rt-fes bv lewd cou.fts, is faid to have given rife to that Lone, which our difcnters did too much affect. fV, 'PVotton, This ■ k. jl OPERATION OF THE SPIRIT. 217 This art, like many other famous inventions owed ,ts birth or at leaft improvement and perfec-’ „nnn va ***? ° f chance 5 but was eftahlifhed upon folid reafons, and hath flourifhed in this 1 land ever lmce, wtth great iuftre. All agree, tha u hrft appeared upon the decay and dil'courage- ment of bagpipe s , which, having long differed un- der the mortal hatred of the brethren, uttered for ' ^r\?el atl ^ feUWidl, ” CW - y - Tht ft0 ‘-yis 7 et / nu -^ in S was not; when the following ad- venture happened to a Banbury faint. Upon a certain day, while he was far engaged among die tabernacles of the -wicked, he felt the outward man put into odd commotions, and ftrangely pricked forward by the inward : An eft'eft very ufual a- mong the modern infpired. For fome think, that the jpint is apt to feed on the jlefh, like hungry vines upon raw beef. Others rather believe, there is a perpetual game at leap-frog between both ; and fomctimes die/# is uppermoft, and fometimes ,\ a' r * *“ ln & 111:11 d>e former, while it b in the date of rider, wears huge Rippon fpurs, and, u hen it comes to the turn of being bearer, i s won¬ derfully head-ftrong and hard-mouthed. How¬ ever it came about, the faint felt his veffel full ex- tended in every part, (a very natural efieft of rtrong infpvation) ; and the place and time falling out fo unluckily, that he could not have the convenience of evacuating upwards, by repetition, prayer, or lec¬ ture, he was forced to open an inferior vent. In fliort, hewreftled with the flclh fo long, that he at length fubdued it, coming off with honourable wounds all before. The furgeon had now cured the parts primarily affected ; but the difeafe, dri- !“£r lts flew U P into h*s head : and, as a fkdful general, valiantly attacked in his trenches, and beaten from the field, by flying marches with- < v'oL°I he Capualclt ^’ breaking down the bridges * * ^ e to 218 ON THE MECHANICAL to prevent purfuit; fo the difeafe, repelled from its flrfl: Aation, fled before the rod of Hermes, to the upper region, there fortifying itfelf ; but, find¬ ing the foe making attacks at the nofe , broke down the bridge , and retired to the head-quarters. Now, the naturalifts obferve, that there is in human nofes an idiofyncracy> by virtue of which, the more the paflage is obftruCted, the more our fpeech delights to go through, as the muflc of a flagellet is made by the flops. By this method, the twang of the nofe becomes perfectly to referable the fnvjfle of a bagpipe, and is found to be equally attractive of Britifh ears; whereof the faint had fudden experience, by praCtiflng his new faculty with wonderful luccefs in the operation of the fpirit : For, in a fhort time, no doctrine palfed for found and orthodox, unlefs it were delivered through the nofe. Straight, every paftor copied after this original ; and thofe who could not other- wife arrive to a perfection, fpirited by a noble zeal, made ufe of the fame experiment to acquire it. So that, I think, it may be truly affirmed, the faints owe their empire to the fnvjfling of one animal , as Darius * did his to the neighing of another; and both ftratagems were performed by the fame art; for we read how the Per fan benjl acquired his fa¬ culty by covering a mare the day before. I fliould now have done, if I were not convin¬ ced, that whatever I have yet advanced upon this fubjeCt, is liable to great exception. For, allowing all I have faid to be true, it may flill be juftly ob¬ jected, That there is, in the commonwealth of artificial enthufiafm , fome real foundation for art to work upon in the temper and complexion of in¬ dividuals, which other mortals feem to want. Ob¬ ferve but the gelture, the motion, and the countenance of fome choice profefibrs, though t - * Herodot, OPERATIONS OF THE SPIRIT iv 9 in their mod: familiar actions, you will find them of a difterent race from the reft of human crea¬ tures. Remark your commoneft pretender to a light within, how dark, and dirty, and gloomy he is without ; as lanterns, which the more light they bear in their bodies, caft out fo much the more foot, and fimoke, and fuliginous matter to adhere to the Tides. Lilten but to their ordinary talk, and look on the mouth that delivers it; you will ima¬ gine you are hearing fome ancient oracle, and vour underftanding will be equally informed. Upon thefe, and the like reafons, certairt objcdlors pre¬ tend to put it beyond all doubt, that there mull be a fort of preternatural /pint pofleffing the heads of the modern faints ; and lome will have it to be the heat of zeal, working upon the dregs of ignorance, as other /pints arc produced from lees by the force of fire. Some again think, that when our earthly tabernacles are difordered and defolate, fhaken and but of repair, the fpirit delights to dwell within them ; as houles are laid to be haunted, when they are foriaken and gone to decay. To fet this matter in as fair a light as poflible, I fhall here very briefly deduce the hiftory of Fan a* ticifm from the moft early ages to the prefent. And if we are able to fix upon any one material or fun¬ damental point, wherein the chief profeflors have univerfally agreed, I think we may reafonably lay hold on that, and aflign it for the great feed or principle of the fpirit . The moft early traces we meet with of Fanatics in ancient ftory, are among the Egyptians, who in- ftituted thofe rites known in Greece by the names of Orgia, Panegyres , and Dionyjia ; whether intro¬ duced there by Orpheus ar Melampus, we lhall not difpute at prefent, nor, in all likelihood, at any time for the future. Thefe feafts were celebrated to the honour of Ofir'v, whom the Grecians called ^ z 2 Dionyfus, 220 ON THE MECHANICAL Dionyftus, and is the fame with Bacchus *. Which has betrayed fome fuperficial readers to imagine, that the whole bufinefs was nothing more than a fet of roaring, icouring companions, overcharged with wine. But this is a fcandalous miftake, foifted on the world by a fort of modern authors, who have too literal an underftanding; and, becaufe anti¬ quity is to be traced backwards, do therefore, like Jews, begin their books at the wrong end, as if learning were a fort of conjuring. Thefe are the men who pretend to underhand a book by fcout- mg through the index : as if a traveller fhould go about to deferibe a palace, when he had feen no¬ thing but the privy ; or like certain fortune-tellers in Northern America, who have a way of reading a man’s deitiny by peeping into Ins breech. For, at the time of inftituting thefe myfteries, f there was not one vine in all Egypt, the natives drinking nothing but ale ; which liquor feems to have been far more ancient than wine, and has the honour of owing its invention and progrefs, not only to the Egyptian Ofiris J, but to the Grecian Bacchus; who, in. their famous expedition, carried the re¬ ceipt of it along with them, and gave it to the na¬ tions they vifited or fubdued. Befides, Bacchus himfelf was very feldom or never drunk : For it is recoided of him, that he was the firll inventor of the mitre || ; which he wore continually on his head, (as the whole company of Bacchanals did), to prevent vapours and the bead-ach after hard drinking. And for this reafon, fay fome, the /carl, t whore, when fhe makes the kings of the earth drunk with her cup of abomination, is always fober herfelf, though fhe never balks theglafs in her turn, * Sic. I. i. Plut. de Ifide et Ofiride. T Herod. 1. 2 . J Died, Sic. 1. i. & 2 . || Id. 1. 4 . being OPERATION OF THE SPIRIT 22t . Ot theie Bacchanals cannot be imputed ro intoxications by wine, but mu ft needs hive had a deeper foundation. What this was, 11 ctu r rfe a T. ' ntS f, ° m Certain c ' rc umRanees in fhc courie of their myfteries For in ,K . r n i ana delertsit ihe.r garlands were of ivy and vine emblems of cleaving and clinging- oroftXl ZUi 1 ‘" jnJ ' d b >' ami roX up. all companions of great ikill and practice CgnfTrl S'"' 17 « th P dfen! Poles’, maTm^ ^ man^fh h '^ ,tS a M urtenancet which wereTIb many lhadows and emblems of the whole myfterv Laftly ina? ; e? ' ° P V** fcmalc con ‘l^ror s : txr i TL 0, r ,ins in r coujrftartd £ 2 ^r l -r of thefe myfteries; who wai n in pieces by women, bccaufe he refufed to communicate h s o r pics + to rh^m » k* u i nlain^J u. . 11• & J t to them ; which others ex- - A “■« “•» • Sec the panic ulan in Diod. Sic. |. j * , * Dconfia Brauronio. *• t Vid. Photium, in ciccrptls e Cononc. Omitting 222 ON THE MECHANICAL Omitting many others of lcfs note, the next Fa- natics we meet with of any eminence, were the nu¬ merous feCts of heretics , appearing in the five firft centuries of the Chrijhan cera, from Simon Magus and his followers, to thofe of Eutyches. I have collected their fy Items from infinite reading ; and comparing them with thofe of their fucceffors in the feveral ages fince, I find there arc certain bounds fet even to the irregularity of human thought, and thofe a great deal narrower than is commonly apprehended. Foras they all frequent¬ ly interfere, even in their wildeft ravines ; fo there is one fundamental point, wherein they are lure to meet, as lines in a centre, and that is, the commu¬ nity of-women. Great were their folicitudes in this matter ; and they never failed of certain articles in their fchemes of worfliip, on purpofe to eftab- lifli it. The laft fanatics of note, were thofe which flatt¬ ed up in Germany, a little after the reformation of Luther; fpringing, as mufhrooms do at the end of d harveft. Such were John of Leyden, David George, Adam Neufter, and many others; whofe viflons and revelations always terminated in leading about half a dozen fijlers a-piece y and making that practice a fundamental part of their fyftem. For human life is a continual navigation ; and if we expert our veffels to pafs with fafety, through the waves and tempefts of this fluctuating world ; it is neceffary to make a good provilion of the flefb, as leamen lay in ftore of beef for a long voyage. Now, from this brief furvey of fome principal fe£ts among the Fanatics in all ages, (having omit¬ ted the Mahometans and others, who might alfo help to confirm the argument I am about); to which I might add feveral among ourfelves, fuch as the family of love, fweet fingers of Ifrael , and the like; and from reflecting upon that fundamental point in their doCtrines, about -women , wherein they OPERATION OF THE SPIRIT. 223 they have fo unanimoufly agreed; I am apt to ima¬ gine, that the feed or principle which has ever put men upon viftoni in things inviftble r is of a corpo¬ real nature. For the profounder cliymills inform os, that the ltrongeft Jpirits may be extracted from hum “? Pfi- Beiides, the fpinal marrow, being nothing tile but a continuation of the brain, mull needs create a very free communication between the lupenor faculties and thofe below: And thus the them in the flejb, ferves for a [pur to the fpirit. I think it is agreed among phyikians, that nothing aiiects the head fo much, as a tentiginous humour, repelled and elated to the upper region, found by chuly practice to run frequently up into madnefs. A very eminent member of the faculty alTured me, that when the Quakers lirft appeared, he feldom was without fome female patients among them, for th e juror Perions of a vifionary devotion, ci- t er men or women, are, in their complexion, of ail others, the moft amorous. For zeal is frequent- Jy kindled from the fame fpark with other flres, and from inflaming brotherly love, will proceed to x.ufe that of a gallant. If we infpedt into the ufual procefs of modern courtfliip, we ihall And it to con- lilt in a devout turn of the eyes, called ogling ; an. artificial form of canting and whining, by rote, every interval, for want of other matter^ made up with a fhrug, or a hum; a flgh, or a groan ; the it\Ic compact of inflgnificant words, incoherences, and repetitions. Thefe I take to be the mod ac- complifhed rules of addrefs to a miftrefs ; and where are thefe performed with more dexterity, than by the Jaints ? Nay, to bring this argument ya clofer, I have been informed by certain fanguine brethren of the firfl clafs, that in the height and O’gajmus of their fpiritual exercife, it has been fre- quenv with them.. i mmc diate- 4V after which, they found the fpirit to relax and flag of a fudden with the nerves, and they’ were forced I M ON THE MECHANICAL, forced to haften to a conclufion. This may be far¬ ther strengthened, by obferving with wonder, how unaccountably all females are attracted by vifionary or enthufiaftic preachers, though never fo con¬ temptible in their outward mien ; which is ufually fiippofed to be done upon confiderations purely Spiritual, without any carnal regards at all. But I have reafon to think, the fex hath certain charac¬ teristics, by which they form a truer judgment of human abilities and performings, than we ourfelves can pollibly do of each other. Let that be as it will, thus much is certain, that however Spiritual intrigues begin, they generally conclude like all o- thers ; they may branch upwards towards heaven, but the root is in the earth. Too intenfe a contempla¬ tion is not the bufinefs of fleSh and blood ; it muff, by the neceiTary courfe of things, in a little time, let go its hold, and fall into mutter . Lovers, for the lake of celeftial converfe, are but another fort of Platonics, who pretend to fee Stars and heaven in ladies eyes, and to look or think no lower; but the fame pit is provided for both. And they feem a perfedt moral to the ltory of that philofopher, who, while his thoughts and eyes were fixed upon the conftellations , found himfelf feduced by his low¬ er parts into a ditch . I had Somewhat more to fay upon this part of the fubjedl; but the poft is juft going, which forces me in great hafte to conclude, Pray burn this letter as foon ns it comes to your bands. SIR, Tours, &c. An C 225 1 An ARGUMENT to prove, that the abo¬ rting of CHRISTIANITY in England, may, as things now Hand, be attended with fume inconveniences, and perhaps not produce thole many good elFefts pro- pofed thereby *. Written in the year 1708. I AM very fenfible, what a weaknefs and prefump- tion it is, to realon againft the general humour and difpofition of the world. “l remember it was with great jufticc, and a due regard to the fredom, both of the public and the prefs, forbid¬ den, upon fevere penalties, to write, or difeourfe, * againft abolid.lr.c Chriftianity,” it canted on u j the higheft wit and humoor. Graver divines threaten their reader, with future punilhmenti: Swift artfully exhibits a pitture of p c.cot Him:. He judged rightly in imagining, that a fmali trea- ti*e written with a fpirit of mirth and freedom, mud be more effiea- c o-js, than long fermons, or laborious hflbns of morality. He endeavour* to laugh u* into religion ; well knowing, that we axe often laughed out of it. Orrery. The Argument, Arc. is the moft delicate, refined, complete, un¬ varied piece of irony, from the beginning to the cod, that ever was written fince the creation of the world. And without difpute, if m the works of man there can be fuppofed any fuch thing as real perfect-on, wc muft allow it to confift in lhofc amazing productions of wit and humour, which in all probability can never be excelled by any effort of geniu*, and beyond which it is impofliblc to frame any critical or diftma idea of the human faculties,-With what c- -regious contempt and ridicule doth he, in this piece, expofr the u-hirdity of tbofe wretches, who arc the patron* and abettors of vice and 1;religion ? Swift, *z 6 AN ARGUMENT AGAINST or lay wagers againft the union , even before it was confirmed by parliament; bccaufe that was looked upon as a defign to oppofe the current of the peo¬ ple ; which, beiides the folly of it, is a manifeft breach of the fundamental law, that makes this ma¬ jority of opinion, the voice of God. In like man¬ ner, and for the very fame rcafons, it may perhaps be neither (life nor prudent to argue againft the a- boliftirng of Chriftianity, at a juncture when all parties appear lo unanimoufly determined upon the point ; as we cannot but allow from their actions, their difeourfe?, and their writings. However, I know not how, whether from the affedlation of Angularity, or the perverfenefs of human nature ; but fo it unhappily falls out, that I cannot be en¬ tirely of this opinion. Nay, though I were furean order were ifiiied for my immediate profecution by the Attorney-General, I lliould If ill confefs, that, in the prelent pofture of our affairs at home or a- broad, I do not yet fee the abfolute necefiity of ex¬ tirpating the Chriftian religion from among us. This perhaps may appear too great a paradox* even for our wife and paradoxical age to endure : therefore I fhall handle it with all tendernefs, and with the utmoft deference to that great and pro¬ found majority, which is of another fentiment. And yet the curious may pleafe to obferve, how much the genius of a nation is liable to alter in half an age. I have heard it affirmed for certain, by fome very old people, that the contrary opinion was, even in their memories, as much in vogue as the other is now; and that a project for the abo- lifhing of Chriftianity, would then have appeared as Angular, and been thought as abfurd, as it would be at this time to write or difeourfe in its de¬ fence. Therefore I freely own, that all appearances are againft me. The lyftem of the gofpel, after the fate of other fyftems, is generally antiquated and t o exploded; ABOLISHING CHRISTIANITY. 227 exploded ; and the mafs or body of the common people, among whom it (cents to have had its lateft credit, are now grown as much afhamed of it as their betters; opinions, like fafltions, alwavs de¬ fending from thole of quality to the middle fort, and thence to the vulgar, where at length they arc dropped, and vanifh. But here I would not be miftaken ; and muff: therefore be fo bold as to borrow a diftinftion from thewriters on the other fide, when they make a difference between nominal and real Trinitarians. 1 hope no reader imagines me fo weak to Rand up m the defence of real Chrh’tianity, fuch as ufed in primitive times (if we may believe rhe authors of thole ages) to have an influence upon mens belief and adtions. To offer at the reftoripg of that, would indeed be a wild projedt: It would be to die up foundations; to deftrov atone Mow all the wit and half the learning of the kingdom; to break the entire frame ami conffitution of things; to ruin trade, extinguifli arts and fciences, with theprofef tors of them ; in Ihort, to turn our courts, exchan¬ ges, and (hops into delerts: and would be full as -abfurd as the propofal of Horace, where he advifes tne Romans, all in a body, to leave their city, and leek a new feat in fome remote part of the world, by way of cure for the corruption of their man¬ ners. Therefore, I think this caution was in itfelf alto¬ gether unneceiTary, (which I have inlertcd only to m event all poffibility of cavilling;) fince every can¬ did reader will easily underhand my difeourfe to be intended only in defence of nominal Chriffiani- ty; the other having been for fome time wholly laid afide by general confent, as utterly inconfiftent with our prefent fchemes of wealth and power. But why we fliould therefore caff off' the name and title ofChriltians, although the general opinion and rcfahition be fo violent for it, I confefs I can- F f 5 not 228 AN ARGUMENT AGAINST not (with fubmiflion) apprehend, nor is the confe¬ rence neceflary. However, iince the undertakers propofe fuch wonderful advantages to the nation by this project, and advance many plaufible objec¬ tions againff the fyftem of Chriffianitv; I lhall briefly conflder the flrength of both, fairly allow them their greateft weight, and offer fuch anfwers as I think moft reafonable. After which 1 will beg leave to fhew, what inconveniencies may poflibly happen, by fuch an innovation, in the prefent po- fture of our affairs. Firff, One great advantage propofed by the abo- lifhing of Chriftianity is, That it would very much enlarge and effablilh liberty of conference, that great bulwark of our nation, and of the Proteft- ant religion; which is ftill too much limited by prieftcraft, notwithffanding all the good intentions of the legiflature ; as we have lately found by a fe- vere inftance. For it is confidently reported, that two young gentlemen, of real hopes, bright wit, and profound judgement, who, upon a thorough examination of caufes and effects, and by the mere force of natural abilities, without the leafi: tincture of learning, having made a dilcovery, that there was no God, and generoufiy communicating their thoughts for the good of the public, were fome time ago, by an unparallelled feveritv, and upon I know not what obfolcte law, broke only for blafphe - my. And, as it hath been wifely oblerved, if per¬ fection once begins, no man alive knows how* far k may reach, or where it will end. In anfwer to all which, with deference to wifer judgements, I think this rather fliews the neceffity of a nominal religion among us. Great wits love to be free with the highel't objc&s ; and, if they cannot be allowed a God to revile or renounce, they will Jpeak evil of dignities , abufe the govern¬ ment, and reflect upon the miniftry; which, I am fore, few will deny to be of much more pernicious con- ABOLISHING CHRISTIANITY. 229 confequencc ; according to the faying of Tiberius, Dc.rum effenfa tliis cur a. As to the particular fact 1 elated, I think it is not fair to argue from one iu- ftance; perhaps another cannot he produced ; yet v to the comtort of all thole avho may he apprehen* ;i\ e of perfecution) blafphemy, avc know, is freely fpokeu a million of times in every colleehoufe anil tatern, or wherever elfe gad company meet. It mult be allowed indeed, that to break an Lnglilh tree-born officer only for blafphemy, was, tol'peak the gentleft of‘/uch an a&ion, a very high (tram of •lofolute power. Little can be laid in excufe for ti^ General. Perliaps he was afraid it might give pfiejice to the allies, among whom, for aught we know, it may be the cuftom of die country to be¬ lieve a God. But if he argued, as fome have done, upon a miftaken principle, that an officer who is gunty of fpeaking blafphemy, may, fome time or other, proceed lb jar as to raile a mutiny ; the confequence is by no means to be admitted : For luiely the commander of an Lnglilh army is like to be but ill obeyed, whofe foldiers fear and reverence him as little as they do a Deity. It is further obje&ed againft the gofpel-fyftcm, 1 hat it obliges men to the belief of things too diili- cult for freethinkers, and luch who have fhaken on the prejudices that ulualiy cling to a confined education. To which I anfwcr. That men Ihould be cauuous how they raile objections, which relief upon the wifdom of the nation. Is not every body freely allowed to believe whatever he pleafeth, and to publilh his belief to the world whenever he dunks fit, efpecially if it ferves to ftrengthen the party which is in the right ? Would any indifferent foreigner, who Ihould read the trumpery lately written by Afgil, Tindal, Toland, Coward ♦, and forty • Afgil wrote an argument to prov.*, that min mav hr tnnfliM j.ozn hr.ee ir.ro ctf*ral life, without pafTing through d> ath. Toland 230 AN ARGUMENT AGAINST forty more, imagine the gofpcl to be our rule of faith, and confirmed by parliaments ? Does any man cither believe, or fay he believes, or delire to have it thought that he fays he believes, one fylla- ble of the matter ? And is any man worfe received upon that fcore ; or does he find his want of nomi¬ nal faith a diiadvantage to him, in the purfuit of any civil or military employment ? What if there be an old dormantftatute or two againft him? Are they not now obfolete, to a degree, that Empfon and Dudley themfelves, if they were now alive, would find it impofiible to put them in execution ? It is likewife urged, That there are, by computa¬ tion, in this kingdom, above tenthoufand parfons ; whofe revenues, added to thofe of my Lords the Bifliops, would fuffice to maintain, at leaf:, two hundred young gentlemen of wit and pleafure, and free-thinking ; enemies to prieftcraft, narrow prin¬ ciples, pedantry, and prejudices ; who might be an ornament to the court and town: and then again, fo great a number of able [bodied] divines, might be a recruit to our fleet and armies. This, indeed, appears to be a confideration of fome weight. But then, on the other fide, feveral things deferve to be confidered likewife : As, firft, whether it may not be thought neceflary, that in certain trafls of country, like what we call parishes, there fhould be one man, at leaft, of abilities to read and write* Then it feems a wrong computation, that the reve¬ nues of the church throughout this ifland, would be large enough to maintain two hundred young gentlemen, or even half that number, after the prefent refined way of living; that is, to allow each of them fuch a rent, as, in the modern form of Toland published Tome deiftical books. Tindal s writing" were blafphemous and atheiflical. Coward averted the m >rta|ity of the foul, and alledged the feat of ■t 'o be in the blood. fpeechj ABOLISHING CHRISTIANITY. 25 s ipeech, would make them eafy. But ftill there is in this project a greater mifehief behind; and we ought to beware of the woman’s folly, who killed the hen that every morning laid her a golden egg. I 1 or, pray, what will become of the race of men in the next age, if we had nothing to truft to, belidc the fcrophulous confumptive productions, furnilh- cd by our men of wit and pleafure ; when, having iquandered away their vigour, health, and eftates, they are forced, by fome diiagrccable marriage, to piece up their broken fortunes, and entail roitcn- liefs and politencis on their pofterity ? Now, here are ten diouiand perfons reduced, by the wife re¬ gulations of Henry VIII. to the neccflity of a low diet, and moderate exercile, who are the onlv great reftorers of our breed ; without which, the nation would, in an age or two, become one great hofpi- tal. Another advantage propofed by the abolilhinr of Chriftianity is, the clear gain of one day in f c - ven, which is now entirely loft, and confcquently the kingdom one feventh lels confiderable in trade, bufinefs, and pleafure; bclidcs the loft to the pu¬ blic, of lb many ftately ftruchires, now in the hands of the clergy ; which might be converted in¬ to play-houl'es, market-houfes, exchanges, common dormitories, and other public edifices. I hope I (hall be forgiven a hard word, if I call this a perfect cavil. I readily own there hath been an old citftom, time out of mind, for people to af- lemblc in the churches every Sunday ; and that fhops arc ftill frequently (hut, in order, as it is conceived, to preferve the memory of that ancient practice. But how this can prove a hindrance to bufinefs or pleafure, is hard to imagine. What if the men of pleafure are forced, one day in the week, to game at home, inftead of the chocolate- foufe ? Are not the taverns and coffethoufes open ? Can there be a more convenient feafon for taking 2 3 2 AN ARGUMENT AGAINST a dofe of phyfic ? Are fewer claps got upon Sun* days than other days ? Is not that the chief day for traders to fum up the accounts of the week; and for lawyers to prepare their briefs ? But I would fain know how it can be pretended, that the churches are mifapplied? Where are more appoint¬ ments and rendezvoufes of gallantry ? where more care to appear in the foremoft box, with greater advantage of drefs ? where more meetings for bu- finefs ? where more bargains driven of all forts ? and where fo many conveniencies or incitements to fleep ? There is one advantage, greater than any of the foregoing, propofed by the abolifhing of Chriftia- nity, That it will utterly extinguifh parties among us, by removing thofe faftious diftinCHons of High and Low Church , of Whig and Tcry> Prejbyterian and Church of England ; which are now fo many grievous clogs upon public proceedings, and are apt to difpofe men to prefer the gratifying them- felves, or deprefting their adverfaries, before the moft important intereft of the Rate. I confefs, if it were certain, that fo great an ad¬ vantage would redound to the nation by this expe¬ dient, I would fubmit, and be filent. But will any man fay, that if the words whoring , drinking , cheat - ing, lying , Jlcaling y were, by aft of parliament, e- jefted out of the Englifh tongue and dictionaries, we fhould all awake next morning chafte and tem¬ perate, honeft and juft, and lovers of truth ? Is this a fair confequence ? Or, if the phyficianr would forbid us to pronounce the words pox , gout, rheumatifm y and Jlone y would that expedient ferve, like fo many talifnians , to deftroy the difeafes them- felves ? Are party and faftion rooted in mens hearts no deeper than phrafes borrowed from religion, or founded upon no firmer principles ? And is our language fo poor, that we cannot find other terms to exprefs them ? Are envy, pride, avarice, and ambition. ABOLISHING CHRISTIANITY. 233 ambition, fuch ill nomenclators, that they cannot iurnilh appellations for their owners? Will not Hey dukes and Mama lutes, Mandarines and Patjhaus , or any other words formed at pleafure, ferve to diitinguifli thofe who are in the miniftry, from o- thcrs who would be in it if they could ? What, for infiance, is ealier than to vary the form of fpeech.; and, infiead of the word < hurch, make it a quefiion in politics, whether the monument be in danger? Bccaufe religion was neared at hand to furniih a few convenient phraies, is our invention fo barren, we can find no odier ? Suppofe, for argument's lake, that the Tories favoured Margarita, the Whigs Mrs. r I ofts, and the Trimmers Valcntini # ; would not MargaritianSy Toftians, and Valentinians , be very tolerable marks of diftin&ioni The Prafini and Veniti, two mod virulent factions in Italy, be¬ gan (if I remember right) by adiftinttion of colours in ribbands : and we might contend, with as good a grace, about the dignity of th ehlue and the green; which would ferve as properly to divide the court, the parliament, and the kingdom between them, as any terms of art whatfoever borrowed from reli¬ gion. And therefore I think there is little force in this objection againft Chriftianity, or profpeft of fo great an advantage as is propofed in the abo* lilliing of it. It is again objected, as a very abfurd ridiculous cuftom, 'lhat a let of men lliould be fullered, much lefs employed and hired, to bawl one day in leven, againlt the lawfulness of thofe methods mod in ufe towards the purluit of greatnefs, riches, and pleafure, which are the confiant pra: 'caT rS lllC aUlll0r ist ' nd ' :d ,0 Ultimate that it extended to ec- mong ADVANCEMENT OF RELIGION. 247 mong the reprefentatives : to which I muft be bold to add, the ignorance of fome of the lower clergy; the mean fervile temper of others ; the pert prag¬ matical demeanour of feveral young ftagers in di¬ vinity, upon their firft producing themlelves into the world ; with many other circumltances need- lels, or rather invidious to mention ; which falling in with the corruptions already related, have, how¬ ever uniuftly, almoft rendered the whole order con¬ temptible. This is a fhort view of the general depravities a- mong us r without entering into particulars, which would be an encllefs labour. Now, as univerfal and deep-rooted as thefe appear tQ be. I am utter¬ ly deceived, if an effectual remedy might not be ap¬ plied to mofl ot them ; neither am I at prefent upon a wild fpeculative project, but fuch a one as may be ealily put in execution. For, while the prerogative of giving all employ¬ ments continues in the crown, cither immediately, or by fubordination, it is in the power of the prince to make piety and virtue become the fafhion of the age, if at the fame time he would make them neccf- fary qualifications for favour and preferment. It is clear from prefent experience, that the bare example of the bell prince will not have any migh¬ ty influence, where the age is very corrupt. For when was there ever a better prince on the throne than the prefent Queen ? I do not talk of her ta¬ lent for government, her love of the people, or any other qualities that are purely regal ; but her piety, charity, temperance, conjugal love, and whatever other virtues do bed adorn a private life ; wherein, without queftion or flattery, fhe hath no fuperior ; yet neither will it be fatire, or peevifh invective, to affirm, that infidelity and vice arc not much diminifhed fince her coming to the crown ; nor will, in probability, till more efl'edtual reme¬ dies be provided Thus 248 A PROJECT FOR THE Thus human nature fccms to lie under the dis¬ advantage, that the example alone of a vitious prince will in time corrupt an age, but the example of a good one will not be Sufficient to reform it without further endeavours. Princes muft there¬ fore fupply this defeat by a vigorous exercife of that authority which the law has left them, by making it every man’s interelf and honour to cul¬ tivate religion and virtue, by rendering vice a dip- grace, and the certain ruin to preferment or pre- tendons : all which they fhould firft attempt in their own courts and families. For inftance, might not the queen’s domeftics of the middle and lower fort be obliged, upon penalty of fufpenfion or lofs of their employments, to a conftant weekly attend¬ ance on the Service of the church ; to a decent behaviour in it; to receive the Sacrament four times a year ; to avoid Swearing, and irreligious profane difeourfes; and to the appearance at lead: Of temperance and chaftity? Might not the care of all this be committed to the Strict infpe&ion of pro¬ per officers ? Might not thofe of higher rank, and nearer accefs to her Majefty, receive her own com¬ mands to the Same purpofe, and be countenanced or disfavoured according as they obey ? Might not the Queen lay her injunctions on the bifhops, and o- ther great men of undoubted piety, to make diligent inquiry, and give her notice, if any perfon about her fhould happen to be of libertine principles or morals ? Might not all thofe who enter upon any office in her Majefty’s family, be obliged to take an oath parallel with that againft Simony, which is admi- niftered to the clergy ? It is not to be doubted, but that, if thefe or the like proceedings were duly ob- Served* morality and religion would foon become faffiionable court-virtues, and be taken up as the only methods to get or keep employments there ; which alone would have mighty influence upotx many of the nobility and principal gentry. But ADVANCEMENT OF RELIGION. 249 But if the like methods were purflied as far as poffible with regard to thole who are in the great employments of ftate, it is hard to conceive how general a reformation they might in time produce among us. For it piety and virtue were once rec¬ koned qualifications neceffary to preferment, every man thus endowed, when put into great Cations, would readily imitate the Queens example in the distribution of all offices in his difpofal; elpecially if any apparent tranfgreffion through favour or partiality would be imputed to him for a mifdc- meanor, by which he muft certainly forfeit his fa¬ vour and Cation. And there being fuch great num¬ bers in employment, fcattered through every town and county in this kingdom, if all thefe were ex¬ emplary in the conduct of their lives, things would foon take a new face, and religion receive a mighty encouragement. Nor would the public weal be lefs advanced ; Cnee of nine offices in ten that arc ill executed, the defeat is not in capacity or under- Canding, but in common honefty. I know no em¬ ployment, for which piety dilqualifies any man ; and if it did, I doubt the objection would not be very feafonably offered at prelent; becaufe it is, perhaps, too juft a reflection, that, in the difpofal of places, the queCion, whether a perfon be fit for what he is recommended to ? is generally the laC that is thought on or regarded. I have often imagined, that fomerhing parallel to the office of cenfors anciently in Rome, would be of mighty ufe among us, and could be eafi- ly limited from running into any exorbitances. 1 he Romans underftood liberty at leaft as well as we, were as jcalou 3 of it, and upon every occa- iion as bold afferters : Yet I do not remember to have read any great complaints of the abufes in that office among them; but many admirable ef¬ fects of it are left upon record. There are fevcral pernicious vices frequent and notorious among us, Vol. I. I j that 250 A PROJECT FOR THE that efcape or elude the punifhment of any law we have yet invented, or have had no law at all againft them ; fuch as atheifm, drunken ncfs, fraud, ava¬ rice, and feveral others ; which, by this inftitu- tion, wifely regulated, might be much reformed. Suppofe, for inftance, that itinerary commiffion- ers were appointed to infpect, everywhere through¬ out the kingdom, into the conduct (at leaft) of men in office, with refpeff to their morals and re¬ ligion, as well as their abilities ; to receive the com¬ plaints and informations that lhould be offered a- gainft them, and make their report here upon oath to the court or the miniftry, who lhould reward or punifh accordingly. I avoid entering into the particulars of this or any other fcheme ; which coming from a private hand, might be liable to many defects, but would foon be digefted by the wifdom of the nation. And, furely, fix thoufand pounds a year would not be ill laid out among as many commiffioners duly qualified, who in three diviiions lhould be perfonally obliged to take their yearly circuits for that purpofe. But this is befide my prefent defign ; which was only to fhew what degree of reformation is in the power of the queen, without the interpofition of the legiflature; and which her Majefty is, with¬ out queftion, obliged in confcience to endeavour by her authority, as much as lhe doth by her pra&ice. It will be eafily granted, that the example of this great town hath a mighty influence over the whole kingdom ; and it is as manifeft, that the town is equally influenced by the court, and the miniftry, and thofe who, by their employments or their hopes, depend upon them. Now, if under fo excellent a princefs as the prefent queen, we would fuppofe a family ftri&ly regulated, as I have above propofed ; a miniftry where every fingle perfon was of diftinguifhed piety; if we lhould fuppofe all great ADVANCEMENT OF RELIGION. 251 great offices of ftate and law filled after the fame manner, and with fuch as were equally diligent in chufing perfons, who, in their feveral fubordina- tions, would be obliged to follow the examples of their fuperiors, under the penalty of lofs of favour and place ; will not ever)' body grant, that the em¬ pire of vice and irrcligion would be loon deftroyed in this great metropolis, and receive a terrible blow through the whole iiland, which hath fo great an intercourfe with it, and fo much affefts to follow its falhions ? For, if religion were once underftood to be the neceffiiry ftep to favour and preferment, can it be imagined that any man would openly offend againft it, who had the leait regard for his reputation or his fortune ? There is no quality fo contrary to any nature, which men cannot aft'eit, and put on upon occafion, in order to lerve an intereft, or gratify a prevailing paffion. The proudeft man will per- l'onate humility, the morofeft learn to flatter, the lazieft will be fcdulous and active, where he is in purfuit of what he hath much at heart : How rea¬ dy therefore would molt men be to ffep into the paths of virtue and piety, if they infallibly led to favour and fortune ! If fwearing and profanenefs, fcandalous and a- vowed lewdnefs, exccflive gaining and intempe¬ rance, were a little difcountenanccd in the army, I cannot readily fee what ill confcquences could be apprehended. If gentlemen of that profeflion were at lealt obliged to fome external decorum in their conduit; or even if a profligate life and character were not a means of advancement, and the ap¬ pearance of piety a molt infallible hindrance, it is impoffible the corruptions there fliould be fo uni- verfal and exorbitant. I have been aflured by fe¬ veral great officers, that no troops abroad are fo •11 difeiplined as the Engliffi ; which cannot well be Othcrwife, while the common foldicrs have per- I i 2 pctually 2S2 A PROJECT FOR THE petually before their eyes, the vitious example of their leaders ; and it is hardly pofiiblc for thofe to commit any crime, whereof thefe are not iniinitcly more guilty, and with Ids temptation. It is commonly charged upon the gentlemen of the army, that the bcaftly vice of drinking to ex- cefs hath been lately, from their example, reftored among us ; which, or fome years, before was almoft ropt in England. But, whoever the introducers were, they have fucceeded to a miracle ; many of the young nobility and gentry are already become great proficients, and are under no manner of con¬ cern to hide their talent, but are got beyond all fenfe of lhame, or fear of reproach. This might foon be remedied, if the Queen would think fit to declare, that no young perfon of quality whatfoever, who was notorioufly addicted to that or any other vice, ilioukt be capable of her favour, or even admitted into her prefence; with pofitive command to her ministers, and others in gieat office, to treat them in the fame manner : After which, all men who had any regard for their reputation, or any profpect of preferment, would avoid their commerce. This would quickly make that vice fo fcandalous, that thofe, who could not lubdue, would at leaif endeavour to difguife it. By the like methods a hop might be put to that ruinous practice of deep gaming : And the reafon why it prevails fo much, is, becaufe a treatment dire ' n y oppojite in every point, is made ufe of to promote it ; by which means, the laws enacted againft this abufe, are wholly eluded. . h can not be denied, that the want of ifrief dif- cipline in the univerfities, hath been of pernicious confequcnce to the youth of this nation, who are there almoft left entirely to their own management, especially thofe among diem of better quality and fortune ; who, becaufe they are not under a ne- ' ceffity ADVANCEMENT OF RELIGION. 253 ceffity of making learning their maintenance, are eafily allowed to pals their time, and take their de¬ grees with little or no improvement. Than which there cannot well be a greater abfurdity. For if no advancement of knowlege can be had" from thole places, the time tit ere fpent is at belt utterly loft, becaule every ornamental part of education is bet¬ ter taught ell where. And, as for keeping youths out of harm’s way, I doubt, where lo many of them are got together, at full liberty of doing what they plcafe, it will not anlwer the end. But whatever abufes, corruptions, or deviations from ftatutes, have crept into the uoiverlitics through negledt, or length of time, they might in a great degree be reformed, by ftridt injunctions from court (upon each particular) to the vilitors and heads ot houles; bclides, the peculiar authority the Queen may have in feveral colleges, whereof her prcdeceflbrs were the founders. And among o- ther regulations, it would be very convenient to prevent the excels of drinking, with that feurvy cuftom among the lads, and parent of the former vice, the taking of tobacco, where it is not abib- lutely necefl'ary in point of health. From the univerlities, the young nobility, and Others of great fortunes, are fent for early up to town, for fear of contracting any airs of pedantry by a college-education. Many of the younger gen¬ try retire to the inns of court, where they are wholly left to their own diferetion. And the con- fequence of this remilTncfs in education appears by obferving, that nine in ten of thofe who rife in the church or the court, the law or the army, arc younger brothers, or new men, whofe narrow fortunes have forced them upon induftry and ap¬ plication. As for the inns of court, unlcfs we fuppofc them to be much degenerated, they mud needs be the worlt inftituted feminaries in any Chriftian country ; 254 A PROJECT FOR THE country; but whether they may be corrected with¬ out interpolation of the legiflature, I have not ikill enough to determine. However, it is certain, that all. wile nations have agreed in the necefTlty of a Uriel education ; which confifted, among other things, in the observance of moral duties, efpecially juftice, temperance, and chattity, as well as the knowledge of arts, and bodily exercifes. But all thefe among us are laughed out of doors. ithout the leatt intention to offend the clergy, I cannot but think, that, through a millaken no¬ tion and practice, they prevent themfelves from do¬ ing much fervice, which otherwife might lie in their power, to religion and virtue: I mean, by afredling fo much to converfe with each other, and caring fo little w ^ at ^ no perfon were allowed to wear the habit, who had not fome preferment in the church, or at leaftrfome temporal fortune fuihcient to keep him out of contempt ? though, in my o- pinicn, it were infinitely better, if all the clergy (except ADVANCEMENT OF RELIGION. 257 (except the bifhops) were permitted to appear like other men of the graver fort, unlel's at thole fea- Ions when they are doing the bulinefs of their fiinftion. There is one abufe in this town, which wonder¬ fully contributes to the promotion of vice; that inch men are often put into the commiflion of the peace, whole intereft it is, that virtue fhould be ut¬ terly banilhed from among us ; who maintain, or at leaft enrich themfelves by encouraging the grofi- eft immortalities; to whom all the bawds of the ward pay contribution for fhclter and protection from the laws. Thus thefe worthy magiltrates, inftcad of leftening enormities, are the occafion of juft twice as much debauchery as there would be without them. For thole infamous women are forced upon doubling their work and induftry, trf anfwer double charges, of paying the juftice, and fupporting themfelves ; like thieves who efcape the gallows, and are let out to fteal, in order to dil- charge the gaoler’s fees. It is nor to be queftioned, but the Queen and mi* niftry ^ight eafily redrefs this abominable grie¬ vance, by enlarging the number of juftices of the peace, by endeavouring to chufe men of virtuous principles, by admitting none who have not confi- derable fortunes; perhaps, by receiving into the number fome of the moll eminent clergy: then, by forcing all of them, upon fevere penalties, to aft when there is occafion, and not permitting any who are offered, to refufe the commiflion. Hut in thefe two l ift cafes, which are very material, I doubt there will be need of the legiflature. The reformation of the ftago is entirely in the power of the Queen; and in the confcquences it hath upon the minds of younger people, doth very well define the ftricteft care. Bcfidcs the indecent and profane paflages; befides the perpetual turning into ridicule the very function of the priefthood, Vol. I. K k with 258 A PROJECT FOR THE with other irregularities, in mod modern come¬ dies, which have been often objected to them; it is worth obferving, the diftributive juftice of the authors, which is conflantly applied to the punilh- ment of virtue, and the reward of vice; direftly oppofite to the rules of their bell critics, as well as to the practice of dramatic poets, in all other ages and countries. For example, a country-’fquire, who is reprcfented with no other vice but that of being a clown, and having the provincial accent upon his tongue, which is neither a fault, nor in his power to remedy, mull be condemned to marry a call wench, or a cracked chambermaid. On the other fide, a rakc-hell of the town, whole charac¬ ter is fet off with no other accomplilhment but ex- ceilive prodigality, profanenefs, intemperance, and lull, is rewarded with a lady of great fortune, to repair his own, which his vices had almoll ruined. And as, in a tragedy, the hero is reprefented to have obtained many victories, in order to raile his character in the minds of the fpeflators; fo the he¬ ro of a comedy is reprefented to have been viflo- nous in all his intrigues, for the fame re^fon. I do not remember, that our Englilh poets ever "fuf- fered a criminal amour to l'ucceed upon the llage, till the reign ol Ring Charles II. Ever fince that time, the alderman is made a cuckold, the deluded virgin is debauched, and adultery and fornication are iuppofed to be committed behind the feenes, as part of the action. Thele, and many more cor¬ ruptions of the theatre, peculiar to our age and na¬ tion, need continue no longer, than while the court is content to connive at or negleft them. Surely a penlion wouid not be ill employed on fome men of wit, learning, and virtue, who might have power to ltnke out every offenfive or unbecoming paf- l.tge, from plays already written, as well as'thofe that may be offered to the llage for the future. By wench, and other wife regulations, the theatre might ADVANCEMENT OF RELIGION. 259 might become a very innocent and ufeful divcrfion, inllead of being a icandal and reproach to our re¬ ligion and country. The propofals I have hitherto made for the ad¬ vancement of religion and morality, are fuch as come within reach of the adminiftration; fuch as a pious active prince, with a Ready relblution, might loon bring to effett. Neither am I aware of any objections to be raifed againft what I have ad-» vhnced; unlefs it lhould be thought, that the ma¬ king religion a necellary Rep to intereR and favour might increafe hypocrify among us : and 1 readily believe it would. But if one in twenty ilvould be brought over to true piety, bythisor the like methods, and the other nineteen be only hypocrites, die ad¬ vantage would Rill be great. Betides, hypocrify is much more eligible than open infidelity and vice : It wears the livery of religion ; it acknowledges her authority, and is cautious of giving fcandal. Nay, a long continued difguife is too great a conRraint upon human nature, efpeciallv an Englifh difpoli- tion. Men would leave ofi' their vices out of mere wearinefs, rather than undergo the toil and hazard, and perhaps the expencc, of praCtifing them perpe¬ tually in private. And I believe it is often with re¬ ligion, as it is with love; which, by much difiem- bling, at laR grows real. All other projects to this great end, have proved hitherto inefieChial. Laws againR immortality have not been executed ; and proclamations occafionaliy ilTiicd out to inforce them, are wholly unregarded, as things of form. Religious lbcieties, though be¬ gun with excellent intention, and by perfons of true piety, arc faid, I know not whether truly or no, to have dwindled into factious clubs, and grown a trade to enrich little knavilh informers of the meaneft rank, fuch as common conRables, and broken lhopkeepers. And that fome eftecfual attempt fhould be made K k 2 toward z6o A PROJECT FOR THE toward fuch a reformation, is perhaps more necef- fary than people commonly apprehend ; becaufe the ruin of a Rate is generally preceded by an uni- verfal degeneracy of manners, and contempt of re¬ ligion; which is entirely our cafe at prefent. Din te minorem, quodgeris, imperas , Hor. Neither is this a matter to be deferred, till a more convenient time of peace and leifure. A reforma¬ tion in mens faith and morals, is the belt natural, as well as religious means, to bring the war to a good conclulion : becaufe, if men in truft per¬ formed their duty for confcience hike, affairs would not fuffer through fraud, fallhood, and neglef t,. as they now perpetually do. And if they believed a God, and his providence, and afted accordingly, they might reafonably hope for his divine affiftance in fo jult a caufe as ours. Nor could the majefty of the Englifh crown ap¬ pear, upon any occafion, in a greater Iuftre, either to foreigners or fubjefts, than by an adminiftra- tion, which producing fuch great effects, would difeover fo much power. And power being the natural appetite of princes, a limited monarch can¬ not lb well gratify it in any thing, as a ftrict exe¬ cution of the laws. Befides, all parties would be obliged to clofe with fo good a work as this, for their own reputa- tion. Neither is any expedient rr.Qre likely to unite them. For the moft violent partymen I have ever obferved, are fuch, as, in the condudl of their lives, have difeovered leaft fenfe of religion and morality ; and when all fuch are laid alide, at leaft thole among them who lhall be found incorrigible, it will be a mattter perhaps of no great difficulty" to reconcile the reft. _ Fhe many corruptions at prefent in every branch fif bunnefs, are alinoft inconceivable. I have heard it ADVANCEMENT OF RELIGION. 261 it computed by ikilful perfons, that of iix millions railed every year for the fervice of the public, one third, at leaft, is lunk and intercepted, through the levcral claiies and lubordinations of artful men in office, before the remainder is applied to the proper uie. This is an accidental ill cfte” body will agree, that the difeafe is ma- nifeft, as well as dangerous ; that fome remedy is ncceffary, and that none yet applied hath been ef¬ fectual v which is a fufficient excufe for any mart who wiflies well to his country, to offer his thought? when he can have no other end in view but the public good. The prefent Queen is a Princefs of as many and great virtues, as ever filled a throne r how would it brighten her character, to the pre¬ fent and after ages, if (he would exert her utmoft authority to inftil fome (hare of thofe virtues into her people, which they are too degenerate to learn only from her example ? and, be it fpoke with all the veneration poflible for fo excellent a fovereign, her beft endeavours in this weighty affair, are a moft important part of her duty, as well as of her intereft and her honour. Vol. I. L 1 But 266 A PROJECT FOR THE But it muft be confefled, that, as things are now, every man thinks he has laid in a fufficient Aock of merit, and may pretend to any employment, pro¬ vided he hath been loud and frequent in declaring himfelf hearty for the government. It is true, he is a man of pleafurc , and a freethinker ; that is, in other words, he is profligate in his morals, and a defpifer of religion ; but in point of party he is one to be confded in ; he is an afiertor of liberty and property ; he rattles it out againft Popery and arbi¬ trary power, and prieflcraft and high-church. It is enough : he is a perfon fully qualified for any em¬ ployment in the court or the navy, the law or die revenue; where he will be fure to leave no arts un¬ tried of bribery, fraud, injuflice, or oppreflion, that he can prattife with any hope or impunity. No wonder fuch men are true to a government, where liberty runs high, where property, however attained , is fo well fecured, and where the admini- fixation is at leafi fo gentle: it is impoffible they could chufe anv other conftitution, without chang¬ ing to their lols. Fidelity to a prefent eflablifhment, is indeed the principal means to defend it from a foreign enemy; but without other qualifications, will not prevent corruptions from within ; and fiates are more often ruined by thefe than the other. T. o conclude : Whether the propofals I have of¬ fered towards a reformation, be fuch as are mofi prudent and convenient, may probably be a quef- tion : but it is none at all, whether fome reforma¬ tion be ablolutely neceflary ; becaufe the nature of things is fuch, that if abufes be not remedied, they will certainly increafe, nor ever Aop, till they end in a fubveriion of a commonwealth. As there muA always of neceflity be fome corruptions, fo in a well-inAituted ftate, the executive power will be always contending againA them, by reducing things (as Machiavel fpeaks) to their firft principles , never ADVANCEMENT OF RELIGION. 267 never letting abufes grow inveterate, or multiply fo far that it will be hard to find remedies, and per¬ haps impofiible to apply them. As he that would keep his houfe in repair, muft attend every little breach or flaw, and fupplv it immediately, elle time alone will bring all to ruin ; how much more the common accidents of florms and rain ? He muft live in perpetual danger of his houfe falling about his ears ; and will find it cheaper to throw it quite down, and build it again from the ground, per¬ haps upon a new foundation, or at leaft in a new form, which may neither be fo fafe, nor fo conve¬ nient as the old. L! : The t m 3 The Sentiments of a Church-oF Eno- iand Man, with refped to Reeigion and Government*. Written in the year 1708. W Hoever hath examined the conduit an4 proceedings of both parties for fomc years paft, whether in or out of power cannot well conceive it poffible to go far towards the extremes of either, without offering fome vio- lence to his integrity or undemanding. A wife '? '. hat P**'™ 1 " P^od in which it wa. in fnm,' e 1 H , ® y * hc " hole Pamphlet is nervous, aud, except in fome few places, impartial, Theftate of Holland isjufijy, and, at the fame time, eoncilely delineated. This trails verywclf worth es reading and attention: audit confirms an obferva, ion which k that ? wift excells in v ' ha "' r " ftyle or manner withlZ v>i' ,S ‘. n Carneft > h!s «™gth of reafon carries is left behind^iin.’ Orrery. ^ the ra « of nfTtr' S i« eCe j eemeth t0 ba ' e been one of Swift’s projcfls for uniting 3 de K gn t0 Ch ' ck ,hat a " d v.olenc! Whie and Tnrv . , h a T* meS betwe,;n the contending faftions of. abom^n ,M, T y ’ d P erha P s t0 recommend, in the place of that abominable rancour and malice, which had broken all the laws of chanty and holpnahty among human kind, thofe candid falutarv W , comDrehr , nd b d rerP j a *° reli6 , ion and government, which, if ri.ht- ly comprehended and vigoroully purlued, might certainly oreferve *•* - "*"* - A, «’ .es them'aaafnft t r he° T'° E ^ f ° r the Tories < and a j“«ification of them againft the mifreprefentaUons of the Whigs, who were then in the m.mrtry, and ufei every artifice to perpetuafe their power Mr ^ M y fh a 'T^a V°' d Oxford > had, by the influence 0*,"; Duke from h s 0 r D °o D il h of n p d | r < f a, ' urer Godolphin, been lately removed trom hip pod of Principal Secretary of State ; and Mr. St John ^fterwards Lord Bolingbroke, refigned his place cfSecreryrf War' *" d S,r Slmon Harcourt (hat of Attorncy-Ceneral. 7 1 and THE SENTIMENTS, be. end a good man may indeed b.e fometimes induced to comply with sl number, whofe opinion he gene* rally approves, though it be perhaps again ft his Own. But this liberty ihouhl be made uie of upon very few occafiona, and tliofe of {mail importance, and then only with a view of bringing over his own fide another time to fomething of greater and more public moment. But to fierifice the innocency of a friend, the good of our country, or o\ir own confidence, to the humour or pafiion, or intereft of a party, plainly ihews, that either our heads or our hearts are not as they fhould be. Yet this ve¬ ry practice is the very fundamental law of each fac¬ tion among us ; as may be obvious to any, who wi|i impartially, and without engagement, be at the pains to examine their actions ; which, however, is not fo eaJy a talk; for it teems a principle in hu¬ man nature, to incliue one way more than ano¬ ther, even in matters where we arc wholly uncon¬ cerned. And it is a common obiervauon, that in V£ 4 dmg a hillory of falls done a thoufand years ago, or (landing by at play among thofe who are perfect (Grangers to us, we are apt to find our hopes and wilhes engaged on a fudden in favour of ono Qde more than another. No wonder then that wc are all fa ready to intereft ourfidves in the eourfc of public affairs, where the moft inconfiderablc have fame rc^l (hare, and, by the wonderful im¬ portance which every man is of to himfelf, a very great imaginary one. And, indeed, when the two parties that divide tl\e whole commonwealth, come once to a rupture, without any hopes left of forming a third with bet¬ ter principles, to balance the others, it feems every man’s duty to chufc one of the two fidcs, though he cannot entirely approve of either ; and all pre¬ tences to neutrality are juftiy exploded by both, being too (Vale and obvious ; only intending the Ufcty and cafe of a few individuals, while the pub¬ lic 'iy* THE sentiments of a lie is imbroiled. This was the opinion and pra&ice of the latter Cato, whom I efteem to have been the wifeft and beft of all the Romans *. But be¬ fore things proceed to open violence, the trueft fervice a private man may hope to do his country, is by unbiaffing his mind as much as pofiiblc, and then endeavouring to moderate between the rival powers ; which muft needs be owned a fair pro¬ ceeding with the world ; becaufe it is of all others the lead confiftent with the common delign of mak¬ ing a fortune by the merit of an opinion . I have gone as far as I am able in qualifying my- felf to be ifuch a moderator. I believe I am no bi¬ got in religion, and I am fure I am none in govern¬ ment. I converfe in full freedom with many con¬ fidence men of both parties; and if not in equal number, it is purely accidental and perfonal, as happening to be near the court, and to have made acquaintance there, more under one miniftry than another. Then, I am not under the neceflity of declaring myfelf by the profpedl of an employment. And, laftly, if all this be not fufficient, I induf- trioufly conceal my name, which wholly exempts me from any hopes and fears in delivering my opinion. In confequence of this free ufe of my reafon, I cannot poffibly think fo well or fo ill of either par¬ ty, as they would endeavour to perfuade the world of each other, and of themfelves. For inftance, I do not charge it upon the body of the Whigs or the Tories , that their feveral principles lead them to introduce Prefbytery, and the religion of the church of Rome, or a commonwealth, and arbitrary power, For why fhould any party be accufed of a principle, which they folemnly dilown and proteft againft ? But to this they have a mutual anfwer ready: they both aflure us, that their adverfaries are not to be believed ; that they dilown their principles out of fear, which are manifeft enough, when we exa- * One of the frxtumviratc in Gulliver, part 3. chap. 7, \ mine CHUHCH-OF-ENGLAND MAN. 271 mine their practices. To prove this, they will pro- duce inft ances, on one lide, either of avowed Pref- byterians, or perlons of libertine and atheiftical te¬ nets ; and on the other, of profeffedPapifts, or fuch as are openly in the intereft of the abdicated family. Now, it is very natural for all fubordinate lefts and denominations in a ftate, to lide with fome general party, and to chule that which they find to agree with themielves in lome general principle. Thus, at the rejloration , the Prefbyterians, Anabaptifts, Independ¬ ents, and other lefts, did all, with very good rcafon, unite and folder up their feveral fchemes tojoin againlt the church ; who, without regard to their diftinf lions, treated them all as equal adverfarics. Thus our prefent dillenters do vciy naturally dole in with the Whigs, who profels moderation , declare they abhor all thoughts ot perfecution, and think it hard, that thofe who differ only in a few ceremonies and /pecu¬ lations, fhould be denied the privilege and profit of ferving their country in the highelf employments of If ate. Thus, the Atheifts, libertines, defpifers of religion and revelation in general; that is to fay, all thofe who ulually pais under the name of free¬ thinkers , do properly join with the fame body; becaufe they likewife preach up moderation, and arc not fo over-nice to diftinguilh between an unlimit¬ ed liberty of confidence, and an unlimited freedom of opinion. Then, on the other fide, the profef- ied firmnefs of the Tories for Epifcopacy, as an apoftolical inftitution ; their averlion to thofe fefts who lie under the reproach of having once deilroy- cd their conftituiion, and who, they imagine, by too indifereet a zeal for reformation, have defaced the primitive model of the church ; next, their ve¬ neration for monarchical government in the com¬ mon courft of fuccelfion, and their hatred to re¬ publican fchemes : thtfe, I fay, arc principles which not only the nonjuring zealots profefs, but even Papifts thcmfelves fall readily in with. And every 27 * the sentiments op a every extreme here mentioned, flings a general fcan- dal upon the tvhole body it pretends to adhere to. But furcly no man whatfoever ought, in juftio* or good manners, to be charged with principles he a&ually difowns, unlcfs his practices do openly, and without the leaft room for doubt, contradict his profeflion ; not upon fmall furmifes, or becaufe he has the misfortune to have ill men fometimes 1 a- gree with him in a few general fentiments. How¬ ever, though the extremes of Whig and Tory feem, with little juftice, to have drawn religion into their controverlies, wherein they have fmall concern ; yet they both have borrowed one leading principle from the abufe of it; which is, to have built their feveral fyftems of political faith, not upon inqui¬ ries after truth, but upon oppofition to each other; upon injurious appellations, charging their adver- faries with horrid opinions, and then reproaching them for the want of charity ; et neuter falfo* In order to remove thefe prejudices, I have thought nothing could be more effectual, than to deferibe the fentiments of a Chur ch^of-England man with refpeft to religion and government , This l lhali endeavour to do in fuch a manner , as may not be liable to the leaft obje&ion from cither par¬ ty, and which I am confident would be aflented to by great numbers in both, if they were not milled to thofe mutual mifreprefentations, by fuch mo¬ tives as they would be afhamed to own. I fliall begin with religion And here, though it makes an odd found, yet it is neceffary to fay, that whoever profeffeth him- felf a member of the church of England, ought to believe a God, arid his providence, together with revealed religion, and the divinity of Chrijl . For befides thofe many thoufands, who (to fpeak in the phrafe of divines) do practically deny all this by the immorality of their lives, there is no fmall number, who, in their converfation and writings, dire&ly, or CHtmCH-OF-ENGLAKD MAN. *73 or by confequence, endeavour to overthrow it; yet sil theie place thcmJelvcs in the lilF of the national church, though at the fame time (as it is highlv reafonable) they are great (ticklers for liberty of confcience. To enter upon particulars : A church-of-England mein has a true veneration for the fcheme cftabliih- ed among us of eccleltaltical government; and though he will not determine whether Epifcopacy be of divine right, he is lure it is moft agreeable to primitive inltitution ; fitted of all others for pre- lerving order and purity, and, under its prefent regulations, belt calculated for our civil date ; he fhould therefore think the abolithment of that order among us, would prove a mightv fcandal and corruption to our faith, and manifeftly dangerous to our monarchy ; nav, he would defend it by arms againd all the powers on earth, except our own legislature ; in which cafe he would fubmit as to a general calamity, a dearth, or a pcftilence. As to rites and ceremonies, and forms of prayer, he allows there might be fome ufcful alterations ; and more, which in the profpeft of uniting Chri- ftians might be very fiipponable, as tilings declared in their own nature indifferent; to which he there¬ fore would readily comply, if the clergy , or (tho* this he not fo fair a method) if the legijlature (liould direct; yet at the fame time he cannot altogether blame the former for their unwillingncfs to confent to any alteration ; which befide the trouble, and perhaps difgrace, would certainly never produce the good effects intended by it. The only condition that would make it prudent and juft for the clergy to comply in altering the ceremonial, or any other indifferent part, would be a firm refolution in the legillature to interpofe, by fome drift and effectual laws, to prevent the rifing and fpreading of new feefc, how plaulible foever, for the future ; clfe ther: mud never be an end ; and it would be to aft Vol. 1. M m like like a man, who fhould pull clown and change the ornaments of his houfe, in compliance to every one who was difpofed to find fault as he pafled by ; which, befides the perpetual trouble and expenfe, would very much damage, and perhaps in time de- ftroy the building. Sefts in a ftate feem only tole¬ rated with any reafon, becaufe they are already fpread ; and becaufe it would not be agreeable with fo mild a government, or fo pure a religion as ours, |o ufe violent methods againft great numbers of miftaken people, while they do not manifeftly en¬ danger the conftitution of either. But the greateft advocates for general liberty of confcience will al¬ low, that they ought to be checked in their begin¬ nings, if they will allow them to be an evil at all, or, which is the fame thing, if they will only grant, it were better for the peace of the ftate, that there fhould be none. But while the clergy conlider the natural temper of mankind in general, or of our own country in particular, what aflurances can they have, that any compliances they fhall make, will remove the evil of diflenfion, while the liberty ftill continues of pFofeffing whatever new opinions we pleafe ? Or how can it be imagined, that the body of diflenting teachers, who muft be all undone by fuch a revolution, will caft about for fome new objections to with-hold their flocks, and draw in frefh profelytes by fome further innovations or re¬ finements ? Upon thefe reafons he is for tolerating fuch dif¬ ferent forms in religious worfliip as are already admitted ; but by no means for leaving it in the power of thofe who are tolerated, to advance their own models upon the ruin of what is already e- ftablifhed ; which it is natural for all fe