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TRIPs TO THE MOON.
CASSELL’S NATIONAL LIBFAFY.
TRIPS TO THE MOON.
BY
L U C I A N.
BY THOMAS FRANCKLIN, D.D.,
Sometime Greek Professor in the University of Cambridge.
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739 & 741 BROADWAY, NEW YORK.

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INTRODUCTION.
I, UCIAN, in Greek Loukianos, was a Syrian, born
about the year 120 at Samosata, where a bend of the
Euphrates brings that river nearest to the borders of
Cilicia in Asia Minor. He had in him by nature a
quick flow of wit, with a bent towards Greek literature.
It was thought at home that he showed as a boy the
artist nature by his skill in making little waxen images.
An uncle on his mother's side happened to be a sculptor.
The home was poor, Lucian would have his bread to
earn, and when he was fourteen he was apprenticed to
his uncle that he might learn to become a sculptur.
Before long, while polishing a marble tablet he pressed
on it too heavily and broke it. His uncle thrashed him.
Lucian’s spirit rebelled, and he went home giving the
comic reason that his uncle beat him because jealous
of the extraordinary power he showed in his art.
After some debate Lucian abandoned training as a
sculptor, studied literature and rhetoric, and qualified
6 INTRODUCTION.
himself for the career of an advocate and teacher at a
time when rhetoric had still a chief place in the schools.
He practised for a short time unsuccessfully at An-
tioch, and then travelled for the cultivation of his
mind in Greece, Italy, and Gaul, making his way by
use of his wits, as Goldsmith did long afterwards
when he started, at the outset also of his career as a
writer, on a grand tour of the continent with nothing
in his pocket. Lucian earned as he went by public
use of his skill as a rhetorician. His travel was not
unlike the modern American lecturing tour, made also
for the money it may bring and for the new experience
acquired by it.
Lucian stayed long enough in Athens to acquire a
mastery of Attic Greek, and his public discourses
could not have been without full seasoning of Attic
salt. In Italy and Gaul his success brought him
money beyond his present needs, and he went back
to Samosata, when about forty years old, able to choose
and follow his own course in life.
He then ceased to be a professional talker, and became
a writer, bold and witty, against everything that
seemed to him to want foundation for the honour that
it claimed. He attacked the gods of Greece, and the
INTRODUCTION. 7
whole system of mythology, when, in its second
century, the Christian Church was ready to replace
the forms of heathen worship. He laughed at the
philosophers, confounding together in one censure
deep conviction with shallow convention. His vigorous
winnowing sent chaff to the winds, but not without
some scattering of wheat. Telight in the power of
satire leads always to some excess in its use. But if
the power be used honestly—and even if it be used
recklessly—no truth can be destroyed. Only the
reckless use of it breeds in minds of the feebler sort
mere pleasure in ridicule, that weakens them as
helpers in the real work of the world, and in that way
tends to retard the forward movement. But on the
whole, ridicule adds more vigour to the strong than it
takes from the weak, and has its use even when.
levelled against what is good and true. In its own.
way it is a test of truth, and may be fearlessly applied
to it as jewellers use nitric acid to try gold. If it be.
uttered for gold and is not gold, let it perish; but if
it be true, it will stand trial.
The best translation of the works of Iucian into
English was that by Dr. Thomas Francklin, some.
time Greek Professor in the University of Cambridge,
8 INTRODUCTION.
&
which was published in two large quarto volumes in
the year 1780, and reprinted in four volumes in 1781.
Lucian had been translated before in successive
volumes by Ferrand Spence and others, an edition,
completed in 1711, for which Dryden had written
the author's Life. Dr. Francklin, who produced also
the best eighteenth century translation of Sophocles,
joined to his translation of Lucian a little apparatus
of introductions and notes by which the English
reader is often assisted, and he has skilfully avoided
the translation of indecencies which never were of
any use, and being no longer sources of enjoyment,
serve only to exclude good wit, with which, under
different conditions of life, they were associated, from
the welcome due to it in all our homes. There is a
just and scholarly, as well as a meddlesome and feeble
way of clearing an old writer from uncleannesses that
cause him now to be a name only where he should be a
power. Dr. Francklin has understood his work in that
way better than Dr. Bowdler did. He does not
Bowdlerise who uses pumice to a blot, but he who
rubs the copy into holes wherever he can find an
honest letter with a downstroke thicker than becomes
a fine-nibbed pen. A trivial play of fancy in one
INTRODUCTION. 9
º
of the pieces in this volume, easily removed, would
have been as a dead fly in the pot of ointment, and
would have deprived one of Lucian’s best works of the
currency to which it is entitled.
Lucian’s works are numerous, and they have been
translated into nearly all the languages of Europe.
The “Instructions for Writing History” was prob-
ably one of the earliest pieces written by him after
Lucian had settled down at Samosata to the free use
of his pen, and it has been usually regarded as his best
critical work. With ridicule of the affectations of
historians whose names and whose books have passed
into oblivion, he joins sound doctrine upon sincerity of
style. “Nothing is lasting that is feigned.” said Ben
Jonson; “it will have another face ere long.” Long
after Lucian’s day an artificial dignity, accorded
specially to work of the historian, bound him by its
conventions to an artificial style. He used, as Johnson
said of Dr. Robertson, “too big words and too many of
them.” But that was said by Johnson in his latter days,
with admission of like fault in the convention to which
he had once conformed: “If Robertson's style is bad,
that is to say, too big words and too many of them, I
am afraid he caught it of me.” Lucian would have
10 INTRODUCTION.
dealt as mercilessly with that later style as Archibald
Campbell, ship's purser and son of an Edinburgh
Professor, who used the form of one of Lucian’s
dialogues, “Lexiphanes,” for an assault of ridicule
upon pretentious sentence-making, and helped a little
to get rid of it. Trucian laughed in his day at
small imitators of the manner of Thucydides, as he
would laugh now at the Small imitators of the manner
of Macaulay. He bade the historian first get sure
facts, thon tell theill in due order, simply and without
exaggeration or toil after fine writing; though he
should aim not the less at an enduring grace given by
Nature to the Art that does not stray from her, and
simply speaks the highest truth it knows.
The endeavour of small Greek historians to add
interest to their work by magnifying the exploits of
their countrymen, and piling wonder upon wonder,
Lucian first condemned in his “Instructions for
Writing History,” and then caricatured in his “True
5
History,” wherein is contained the account of a trip
to the moon, a piece which must have been enjoyed by
Rabelais, which suggested to Cyrano de Bergerac his
Voyages to the Moon and to the Sun, and insensibly
contributed, perhaps, directly or through Bergerac, to
INTRODUCTION. ll
the conception of “Gulliver’s Travels.” I have added
the Icaro-Menippus, because that Dialogue describes
another trip to the moon, though its satire is more
especially directed against the philosophers.
Menippus was born at Gadara in Coele-Syria, and,
from a slave he grew to be a Cynic philosopher, chiefly
occupied with scornful jests on his neighbours, and a
money-lender who made large gains and killed himself
when he was cheated of them all. He is said to have
written thirteen pieces which are lost, but he has left
his name in literature, preserved by important pieces
that have taken the name of “ Menippean Satire.”
Lucian married in middle life, and had a son. He
was about fifty years old when he went to Paphla-
gonia, and visited a false oracle to detect the tricks
of an Alexander who made profit out of it, and
who professed to have a daughter by the Moon.
When the impostor offered Lucian his hand to kiss,
Lucian bit his thumb; he also intervened to the
destruction of a profitable marriage for the daughter
of the Moon. Alexander lent Lucian a vessel of his
own for the voyage onward, and gave instructions to
the sailors that they were to find a convenient time
and place for throwing their passenger into the sea; .
12 INTRODUCTION.
but when the convenient time had come the goodwill
of the master of the vessel saved Lucian’s life. He
was landed, therefore, at AEgialos, where he found
some ambassadors to Eupator, King of Bithynia, who
took him onward upon his way.
It is believed that Lucian lived to be ninety, and it
is assumed, since he wrote a burlesque drama on gout,
that the cause of his death was not simply old age.
Gout may have been the immediate cause of death,
Lucian must have spent much time at Athens, and he
held office at one time in his later years as Procurator
of a part of Egypt.
The works of Lucian consist largely of dialogues, in
which he battled against what he considered to be
false opinions by bringing the satire of Aristophanes
and the sarcasm of Menippus into disputations that
sought chiefly to throw down false idols before Setting
up the true. He made many enemies by bold attacks
upon the ancient faiths. His earlier “Dialogues of the
Gods” only brought out their stories in a way that
made them sound ridiculous. Afterwards he proceeded
to direct attack on the belief in them. In one
Dialogue Timocles, a Stoic argues for belief in the
old gods against Damis an Epicurean, and the gods,
INTRODUCTION. 13
in order of dignity determined by the worth of the
material out of which they are made, assemble to hear
the argument. Damis confutes the Stoic, and laughs
him into fury. Zeus is unhappy at all this, but
Hermes consoles him with the reflection that although
the Epicurean may speak for a few, the mass of
Greeks, and all the barbarians, remain true to the
ancient opinions. Suidas, who detested such teaching,
wrote a Life of him, in which he said that Lucian was
at last torn to pieces by dogs.
Dr. Francklin prefaced his edition with a Life,
written by a friend in the form of a Dialogue of the
Dead in the Elysian Fields between Lord Lyttelton—
who had been, in his Dialogues of the Dead, an
imitator of the Dialogues so called in Lucian—and
Lucian himself. “By that shambling gait and length
of carcase,” says Lucian, “it must be Lord Lyttelton
coming this way.” “And by that arch look and
sarcastic smile,” says Lyttelton, “you are my old
friend Lucian, whom I have not seen this many a day.
Fontenelle and I have just now been talking of you,
and the obligations we both had to our old master : I
assure you that there was not a man in all antiquity
for whom, whilst on earth, I had a greater regard than
14 INTRODUCTION.
yourself.” After Lucian has told Lyttelton something
about his life, his lordship thanks Lucian for the
little history, and says, “I wish with all my heart I
could convey it to a friend of mine in the other world”
—meaning Dr. Francklin—“to whom, at this juncture,
it would be of particular service: I mean a bold
adventurer who has lately undertaken to give a new
and complete translation of all your works. It is a
noble design, but an arduous one; I own I tremble for
him.” Lucian replies, “I heard of it the other day
from Goldsmith, who knew the man. I think he may
easily succeed in it better than any of his countrymen,
who hitherto have made but miserable work with me ;
nor do I make a much better appearance in my French
habit, though that I know has been admired. D'Ablan-
court has made me say a great many things, some good,
some bad, which I never thought of, and, upon the
whole, what he has done is more a paraphrase than a
translation.” Then, says Lord Lyttelton, “All the
attempts to represent you, at least in our language,
which I have yet seen, have failed, and all from the
same cause, by the translator's departing from the
original, and substituting his own manners, phrase-
ology, expression, wit, and humour instead of yours.
INTRODUCTION. 15
A
Nothing, as it has been observed by one of our best
critics, is so grave as true humour, and every line of
Lucian is a proof of it; it never laughs itself, whilst it
sets the table in a roar; a circumstance which these
gentlemen seem all to have forgotten: instead of the
set features and serious aspect which you always
wear when most entertaining, they present us for ever
with a broad grin, and if you have the least smile upon
your countenance make you burst into a vulgar horse-
laugh: they are generally, indeed, such bad painters,
that the daubing would never be taken for you if they
had not written “Lucian’ under the picture. I heartily
wish the Doctor better luck.” Upon which the
Doctor’s friend makes Lucian reply : “And there is
some reason to hope it, for I hear he has taken pains
about me, has studied my features well before he sat
downto trace them on the canvas, and done it con amore:
if he brings out a good resemblance, I shall excuse the
want of grace and beauty in his piece. I assure you
I am not without pleasing expectation; especially as
my friend Sophocles, who, you know, sat to him some
time ago, tells me, though he is no Praxiteles, he does
not take a bad likeness. But I must be gone, for
yonder come Swift and Rabelais, whom I have made a
16 1NTRODUCTION.
little party with this morning: so, my good lord, fare
you well.” i
Trucian had another translator in 1820, who in no
way superseded Dr. Francklin. The reader of this |
volume is reminded that the notes are Dr. Francklin's
and that any allusion in them to a current topic, has to
be read as if this present year of grace were 1780.
TRIPS TO THE MOON.
INSTRUCTIONS FOR WRITING HISTORY.
Lucian, in this letter to his friend Philo, after having, with in-
finite humour, eacposed the absurdities of some contemporary
historians, whose works, being consigned to oblivion, have
never reached us, proceeds, in the latter part of it, to lay
down, most eaccellent rules and dire ‘tions for writing history.
My readers will find the one to the last degree pleasant and .
entertaining ; and the other no less w8eful, sensible, and in-
structive. This is, indeed, one of Lucian’s best pieces.
My DEAR PHILO,-In the reign of Lysimachus,”
we are told that the people of Abdera were seized
with a violent epidemical fever, which , raged * , ,
through the whole city, continuing for seven days,
at the expiration of which a copious discharge of .
blood from the mostrils in some, and in others a
profuse sweat, carried it off. It was attended,
however, with a very ridiculous circumstance:
* One of Alexander's generals, to whose share, on the divi-
sion of the empire, after that monarch's death, fell the king-
dom of Thrace, in which was situated the city of Abdera.
18 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
every one of the persons affected by it being sud-
denly taken with a fit of tragedising, spouting
iambics, and roaring out most furiously, parti-
cularly the Andromeda” of Euripides, and the
speech of Perseus, which they recited in most
lamentable accents. The city swarmed with these
pale seventh-day patients, who, with loud voices,
were perpetually bawling out—
“O tyrant love, o'er gods and men supreme,” &c.
And this they continued every day for a long time,
till winter and the cold weather coming on put
an end to their delirium. For this disorder they
seem, in my opinion, indebted to Archelaus, a
tragedian at that time in high estimation, who, in
the middle of summer, at the very hottest season f
of the year, exhibited the Andromeda, which had
such an effect on the spectators that several of
* A small fragment of this tragedy, which has in it the
very line here quoted by Lucian, is yet extant in Barnes's
edition of Euripides. -
+ This story may afford no useless admonition to the
managers of the Haymarket and other summer theatres, who,
it is to be hoped, will not run the hazard of inflaming their
‘āudiences with too much tragedy in the dog days.
INSTRUCTIONS FOR WRITING HISTORY. 19.
them, as soon as they rose up from it, fell in-
sensibly into the tragedising vein ; the Andromeda
naturally occurring to their memories, and Perseus,
with his Medusa, still hovering round them.
Now if, as they say, one may compare great
things with small, this Abderian disorder seems to
have seized on many of our literati of the present
age; not that it sets them'on acting tragedies (for
the folly would not be so great in repeating other
people's verses, especially if they were good ones),
but ever since the war was begun against the bar-
barians, the defeat in Armenia,” and the victories.
consequent on it, not one is there amongst us who
does not write a history; or rather, I may say, we
are all Thucydideses, Herodotuses, and Xenophons.
Well may they say war is the parent of all things, f
when one action can make so many historians.
* This alludes to the Parthian War, in the time of Severian;
the particulars of which, except the few here occasionally
glanced at, we are strangers to. Lucian, most probably, by
this tract totally knocked up some of the historians who had
given an account of it, and prevented many others, who were
intimidated by the severity of his strictures, attempting to
transmit the history of it to posterity.
+ This saying is attributed to Empedocles.
20 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
This puts me in mind of what happened at Sinope.*
When the Corinthians heard that Philip was going
to attack them, they were all alarmed, and fell to
work, some brushing up their arms, others bringing
stones to prop up their walls and defend their
bulwarks, every one, in short, lending a hand.
Diogenes observing this, and having nothing to do
(for nobody employed him), tucked up his robe,
and, with all his might, fell a rolling his tub which
he lived in up and down the Cranium.f “What
are you about 7” said one of his friends. “Rolling
my tub,” replied he, “that whilst everybody is
busy around me, I may not be the only idle person
in the kingdom.” In like manner, T, my dear
Philo, being very loath in this noisy age to make
no noise at all, or to act the part of a mute in the
comedy, think it highly proper that I should roll
my tub also ; not that I mean to write history -
* The most famous of the Pontic cities, and well known as
the residence of the renowned Cynic philosopher. It is still
called by the same name, and is a port town of Asiatic Turkey,
on the Euxine.
+ A kind of school or gymnasium where the young men
performed their exercises. The choice of such a place by a
philosopher to roll a tub in heightens the ridicule.
"INSTRUCTIONS FOR WEITING HISTORY. 21
myself, or be a narrator of facts; you need not
fear me, I am not so rash, knowing the danger too
well if I roll it amongst the stones, especially such
a tub as mine, which is not over-strong, so that
the least pebble I strike against would dash it in
pieces. I will tell you, however, what my design
is—how I mean to be present at the battle and yet
keep out of the reach of danger. I intend to
shelter myself from the waves and the smoke,” and
the cares that writers are liable to, and only give
them a little good advice and a few precepts; to
have, in short, some little hand in the building,
though I do not expect my name will be inscribed
Qn it, as I shall but just touch the mortar with the
tip of my finger.
There are many, I know, who think there is no
necessity for instruction at all with regard to this
business, any more than there is for walking,
seeing, or eating, and that it is the easiest thing in
the world for a man to write history if he can but
say what comes uppermost. But you, my friend,
are convinced that it is no such easy matter, nor
* See Homer's “Odyssey,” M 1. 219.
22 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
should it be negligently and carelessly performed;
but that, on the other hand, if there be anything in
the whole circle of literature that requires more
than ordinary care and attention, it is undoubtedly
this. At least, if a man would wish, as Thucy-
dides says, to labour for posterity. I very well
know that I cannot attack so many without ren-
dering myself obnoxious to some, especially those
whose histories are already finished and made
public ; ovon if what I say should be approved by
them, it would be madness to expect that they
should retract anything or alter that which had
been once established and, as it were, laid up in
royal repositories. It may not be amiss, however,
to give them these instructions, that in case of
another war, the Getae against the Gauls, or the
Indians, perhaps, against the barbarians (for with
regard to ourselves there is no danger, our enemies
being all subdued), by applying these rules if they
*Tike them, they may know better how to write for
the future. If they do not choose this, they may,
even go on by their old measure ; the physician
* Alluding to the story he set out with.
INSTRUCTIONS FOR, WEITING HISTORY. 23 °
will not break his heart if all the people of Abdera
follow their own inclination and continue to act
the Andromeda.
Criticism is twofold: that which teaches us
what we are to choose, and that which teaches us
what to avoid. We will begin with the last, and
consider what those faults are which a writer of
history should be free from ; next, what it is that
will lead him into the right path, how he should
begin, what order and method he should observe,
what he should pass over in silence, and what he
should dwell upon, how things may be best illus-
trated and connected. Of these, and such as
these, we will speak hereafter ; in the meantime
let us point out the faults which bad writers are
most generally guilty of, the blunders which they
commit in language, composition, and sentiment,
with many other marks of ignorance, which it
would be tedious to enumerate, and belong not to
our present argument. The principal faults, as I
observed to you, are in the language and com-
position.
You will find on examination, that history in
general has a great many of this kind, which, if-
24 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
you listen to them all, you will be sufficiently con-
vinced of ; and for this purpose it may not be un-
seasonable to recollect some of them by way of
example. And the first that I shall mention is
that intolerable custom which most of them have
of omitting facts, and dwelling for ever on the
praises of their generals and commanders, extolling
to the skies their own leaders, and degrading be-
yond measure those of their enemies, not knowing
how much history differs from panegyric, that
there is a great wall between them, or that, to use
a musical phrase, they are a double octave *
distant from each other; the sole business of the
panegyrist is, at all events and by every means, to
extol and delight the object of his praise, and it
little concerns him whether it be true or not. But
history will not admit the least degree of falsehood
any more than, as physicians say, the wind-pipef
can receive into it any kind of food.
* 8torStaraorºv. Gr. The Latin translation renders it “octava
duplici.” See Burney’s “Dissertation on Music,” Sect. 1.
+ Gr. Thy &ptmpiav Tpaxetav, aspera arteria, or the wind-pipe.
The comparison is strictly just and remarkably true, as we
may all recollect how dreadful the sensation is when any
Instructions for wºrring History. 25
These men seem not to know that poetry has its
particular rules and precepts; and that history is
governed by others directly opposite. That with
regard to the former, the licence is immoderate,
and there is scarce any law but what the poet pre-
scribes to himself. When he is full of the Deity,
and possessed, as it were, by the Muses, if he has a
mind to put winged horses” to his chariot, and
drive some through the waters, and others over the
tops of unbending corn, there is no offence taken.
Neither, if his Jupiter f hangs the earth and sea
at the end of a chain, are we afraid that it should e-
break and destroy us all. If he wants to extol -
Agamemnon, who shall forbid his bestowing on
him the head and eyes of Jupiter, the breast of his
brother Neptune, and the belt of Mars? The son
of Atreus and Ærope must be a composition of
all the gods; nor are Jupiter, Mars, and Neptune
part of our food slips down what is generally called “the
wrong way.” -
* See Homer's “Iliad,” Y 1. 227, and Virgil's “Camilla,” in
the 7th book of the “ABneid.” -
+ See Homer's “Iliad,” O l. 18. One of the blind bard's
speciosa miracula, which Lucian is perpetually laughing at.
26 TRIPS TO THE MOON."
sufficient, perhaps, of themselves to give us an idea
of his perfection. But if history admits any
adulation of this kind, it becomes a sort of prosaic
poetry, without its numbers or magnificence ; a
heap of monstrous stories, only more conspicuous
by their incredibility. He is unpardonable, there-
fore, who cannot distinguish one from the other;
but lays on history the paint of poetry, its flattery,
fable, and hyperbole : it is just as ridiculous as it
would be to clothe one of our rohusf wrestlers,
who is as hard as an oak, in fine purple, or, some
such meretricious garb, and put paint * on his
cheeks ; how would such ornaments debase and
degrade him I do not mean by this, that in
history we are not to praise sometimes, but it
must be done at proper seasons, and in a proper
degree, that it may not offend the readers of
future ages; for future ages must be considered
* pupilſövov, or cerussa. Painting, we see, both amongst men
and women, was practised long ago, and has at least the plea
of antiquity in its favour. According to Lucian, the men laid
on white ; for the lºppijövov was probably ceruse, or white
lead; the ladies, we may suppose, as at present, preferred the
rouge.
INSTRUCTIONS FOR, WEITING HISTORY. 27
in this affair, as I shall endeavour to prove here-
after.
Those, I must here observe, are greatly mistaken
who divide history into two parts, the useful and
the agreeable; and in consequence of it, would in-
troduce panegyric as always delectable and enter-
taining to the reader. But the division itself is
false and delusive ; for the great end and design of
history is to be useful : a species of merit which
can only arise from its truth. If the agreeable
follows, so much the better, as there may be
beauty in a wrestler. And yet Hercules would
esteem the brave though ugly Nicostratus as much
as the beautiful Alcaeus. And thus history, when
she adds pleasure to utility, may attract more
admirers; though as long as she is possessed of
that greatest of perfections, truth, she need not be
anxious concerning beauty.
In history, nothing fabulous can be agreeable ;
and flattery is disgusting to all readers, except the
very dregs of the people; good judges look with
the eyes of Argus on every part, reject everything
that is false and adulterated, and will admit,
nothing but what is true, clear, and well expressed.
28 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
These are the men you are to have a regard to
when you write, rather than the vulgar, though
your flattery should delight them ever so much.
If you stuff history with fulsome encomiums and
idle tales, you will make her like Hercules in
Lydia, as you may have seen him painted,
waiting upon Omphale, who is dressed in the lion's
skin, with his club in her hand; whilst he is repre-
sented clothed in yellow and purple, and spinning,
and Omphale beating him with hor clipper, a
ridiculous spectacle, wherein everything manly and
godlike is sunk and degraded to effeminacy.
The multitude perhaps, indeed, may admire such
things; but the judicious few whose opinion you
despise will always laugh at what is absurd, incoln-
gruous, and inconsistent. Everything has a beauty
peculiar to itself; but if you put one instead of
another, the most beautiful becomes ugly, because
it is not in its proper place. I need not add, that
praise is agreeable only to the person praised, and
disgustful to everybody else, especially when it is
lavishly bestowed; as is the practice of most
writers, who are so extremely desirous of recom-
mending themselves by flattery, and dwell so much
INSTRUCTIONS FOR WEITING HISTORY. 29
upon it as to convince the reader it is mere
- adulation, which they have not art enough to con-
ceal, but heap up together, naked, uncovered, and
totally incredible, so that they seldom gain what
they expected from it ; for the person flattered, if
he has anything noble or manly in him, only
abhors and despises them for it as mean parasites.
Aristobulus, after he had written an account of
the single combat between Alexander and Porus,
showed that monarch a particular part of it,
wherein, the better to get into his good graces, he
had inserted a great deal more than was true ;
when Alexander seized the book and threw it (for
they happened at that time to be sailing on the
Hydaspes) directly into the river: “Thus,” said
he, “ought you to have been served yourself for
pretending to describe my battles, and killing half
a dozen elephants for me with a single spear.”
This anger was worthy of Alexander, of him who
could not bear the adulation of that architect #:
who promised to transform Mount Athos into a
* Dimocrates. The same story is told of him, with some
little alteration, by Vitruvius. Mention is made of it likewise
by Pliny and Strabo. .
30 r TRIPS TO THE MOON.
statue of him ; but he looked upon the man from
that time as a base flatterer, and never employed
him afterwards. .”
What is there in this custom, therefore, that can
be agreeable, unless to the proud and vain ; to de-
formed men or ugly women, who insist on being
painted handsome, and think they shall look better
if the artist gives them a little more red and white
Such, for the most part, are the historians of our
times, who sacrifice everything to the present
moment and their own interest and advantage ;
who can only be despised as ignorant flatterers of
the age they live in ; and as men, who, at the same
time, by their extravagant stories, make everything
which they relate liable to suspicion. If notwith-
standing any are still of opinion, that the agreeable
should be admitted in history, let them join that
which is pleasant with that which is true, by the
beauties of style and diction, instead of foisting
in, as is commonly done, what is nothing to the
purpose.
I will now acquaint you with some things I
lately picked up in Ionia and Achaia, from several
historians, who gave accounts of this war. By the
INSTRUCTIONS FOR WRITING HISTORY. 31
graces I beseech you to give me credit for what I
am going to tell you, as I could swear to the truth
of it, if it were polite to swear in a dissertation.
One of these gentlemen begins by invoking the
Muses, and entreats the goddesses to assist him in
the performance. What an excellent setting out !
and how properly is this form of speech adapted
to history ! A little farther on, he compares
our emperor to Achilles, and the Persian king
to Thersites ; not considering that his Achilles
would have been a much greater man if he had
killed Hector rather than Thersites; if the brave
should fly, he who pursues must be braver. Then
follows an encomium on himself, showing how
worthy he is to recite such noble actions; and
when he is got on a little, he extols his own
country, Miletus, adding that in this he had acted
better than Homer, who never tells us where he
was born. He informs us, moreover, at the end of
his preface, in the most plain and positive terms,
that he shall take care to make the best he can of
our own affairs, and, as far as lies in his power, to
get the upper hand of our enemies the barbarians.
After investigating the cause of the war, he begins
32 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
thus: “That vilest of all wretches, Vologesus,
entered upon the war for these reasons.” Such is
this historian's manner. Another, a close imitator
of Thucydides, that he may set out as his master
does, gives us an exordium that smells of the true
Attic honey, and begins thus: “Creperius Cal-
purnianus, a citizen of Pompeia, hath written the
history of the war between the Parthians and the
Romans, showing how they fought with one
another, commencing at the time when it first
broke out.” After this, need I inform you how
he harangued in Armenia, by another Corcyraean
orator'ſ or how, to be revenged of the Nisibaeans
for not taking part with the Romans, he sent the
plague amongst them, taking the whole from
Thucydides, excepting the long walls of Athens.
He had begun from AEthiopia, descended into
Egypt, and passed over great part of the royal
territory. Well it was that he stopped there. When
I left him, he was burying the miserable Athenians
at Nisibis ; but as I knew what he was going to
tell us, I took my leave of him.
Another thing very common with these his-
torians is, by way of imitating Thucydides, to make
INSTR, UCTIONS FOR, WRITING HISTORY. 33
use of his phrases, perhaps with a little alteration,
to adopt his manner, in little modes and expres-
sions, such as, “you must yourself acknowledge,”
“for the same reason,” “a little more, and I had
forgot,” and the like. This same writer, when he
has occasion to mention bridges, fosses, or any of
the machines used in war, gives them Roman
names; but how does it suit the dignity of his-
tory, or resemble Thucydides, to mix the Attic
and Italian thus, as if it was ornamental and be-
coming'ſ *
Another of them gives us a plain simple journal
of everything that was done, such as a common
soldier might have written, or a sutler who fol-
lowed the camp. This, however, was tolerable,
because it pretended to nothing more ; and might
be useful by supplying materials for some better
historian. I only blame him for his pompous in-
troduction : “Callimorphus, physician to the sixth
legion of spearmen, his history of the Parthian
war.” Then his books are all carefully numbered,
and he entertains us with a most frigid preface,
which he concludes with saying that “a physician
must be the fittest of all men to write history,
34 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
*
because AEsculapius was the son of Apollo, and
Apollo is the leader of the Muses, and the great
prince of literature.”
Besides this, after setting out in delicate Ionic,
he drops, I know not how, into the most vulgar
style and expressions, used only by the very dregs .
of the people.
And here I must not pass over a certain wise
man, whose name, however, I shall not mention ;
his work is lately published at Corinth, and is be:
yond everything one could have conceived. In the
very first sentence of his preface he takes his
readers to task, and convinces them by the most
sagacious method of reasoning that “none but a
wise man should ever attempt to write history.”
Then comes syllogism upon syllogism ; every kind
of argument is by turns made use of, to introduce
the meanest and most fulsome adulation ; and even
this is brought in by syllogism and interrogation.
What appeared to me the most intolerable and
unbecoming the long beard of a philosopher, was
his saying in the preface that our emperor was
above all men most happy, whose actions even
philosophers did not disdain to celebrate; surely
INSTRUCTIONS FOR, WRITING FIISTORY. 35
A
this, if it ought to be said at all, should have been
left for us to say rather than himself.
Neither must we here forget that historian who
begins thus: “I come to speak of the Romans and
y
and a little after he says, “for the
59
Persians ; ’
Persians ought to suffer; ” and in another place,
“there was one Osroes, whom the Greeks call
Oxyrrhoes,” with many things of this kind. This
tnan is just such a one as him I mentioned before,
only that one is like Thucydides, and the other
the exact resemblance of Herodotus.
But there is yet another writer, renowned for
eloquence, another Thucydides, or rather superior
to him, who most elaborately describes every city,
mountain, field, and river, and cries out with all
his might, “ May the great averter of evil turn it
all on our enemies 1’’ This is colder than Caspian
snow, or Celtic ice. The emperor's shield takes
up a whole book to describe. The Gorgon's +
* “His buckler's mighty orb was next displayed;
Tremendous Gorgon frowned upon its field,
And circling terrors filled the expressive shield.
Within its concave hung a silver thong,
On which a mimic serpent creeps along,
36 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
eyes are blue, and black, and white ; the serpents
twine about his hair, and his belt has all the
colours of the rainbow. How many thousand lines
does it cost him to describe Vologesus's breeches
and his horse's bridle, and how Osroes' hair looked
when he swam over the Tigris, what sort of a cave
he fled into, and how it was shaded all over with
ivy, and myrtle, and laurel, twined together. You
plainly see how necessary this was to the history,
and that we could not possibly have understood
what was going forward without it.
From inability, and ignorance of everything
useful, these men are driven to descriptions of
countries and caverns, and when they come into a
multiplicity of great and momentous affairs, are
utterly at a loss. Like a servant enriched on a
sudden by coming into his master's estate, who
does not know how to put on his clothes, or to eat
as he should do ; but when fine birds, fat sows,
His azure length in easy waves extends,
Till, in three heads, th’ embroidered monster ends.”
See Pope’s “Homer's Iliad,” book xi, 1.43.
Lucian here means to ridicule, not Homer, but the historian's
absurd imitation of him.
INSTRUCTIONS FOR. W.R.ITING: HISTORY. 37
and hares are placed before him, falls to and eats
till he bursts, of salt meat and pottage. The writer
I just now mentioned describes the strangest
wounds, and the most extraordinary deaths you
ever heard of ; tells us of a man's being wounded in
the great toe, and expiring immediately; and how
on Priscus, the general, bawling out loud, seven-
and-twenty of the enemy fell down dead upon the
spot. He has told lies, moreover, about the num-
ber of the slain, in contradiction to the account
given in by the leaders. He will have it that
seventy thousand two hundred and thirty-six of
the enemy died at Europus, and of the Romans
only two, and nine wounded. Surely nobody in
their senses can bear this.
Another thing should be mentioned here also,
which is no little fault. From the affectation of
Atticism, and a more than ordinary attention to
purity of diction, he has taken the liberty to turn
the Roman names into Greek, to call Saturninus,
Kpovioc, Chronius; Fronto, ºppovruc, Frontis; Titia-
nus, Taravuoc, Titanius, and others still more ridi- .
culous. with regard to the death of Severian, he
informs us that everybody else was mistaken
38 . TRIPS TO THE MOON.
when they imagined that he perished by the sword,
for that the man starved himself to death, as he
thought that the easiest way of dying; not
knowing (which was the case) that he could only
have fasted three days, whereas many have lived
without food for seven ; unless we are to suppose
that Osroes stood waiting till Severian had starved
himself completely, and for that reason he would
not live out the whole week. *
But in what class, my dear Philo, shall we rank
those historians who are perpetually making use of
poetical expressions, such as “the engine crushed,
the wall thundered,” and in another place, “Edessa
resounded with the shock of a.ms, and all was
noise and tumult around ; ” and again, “often the
leader in his mind revolved how best he might ap-
proach the wall.” At the same time amongst these
were interspersed some of the meanest and most
beggarly phrases, such as “the leader of the army
epistolised his master,” “the soldiers bought
utensils,” “they washed and waited on them,”
with many other things of the same kind, like a
tragedian with a high cothurnus on one foot and a
slipper on the other. You will meet with many of
INSTRUCTIONS FOR. W.RITING HISTORY. 39
these writers, who will give you a fine heroic long
preface, that makes you hope for something extra-
ordinary to follow, when after all, the body of the
history shall be idle, weak, and trifling, such as
puts you in mind of a sporting Cupid, who covers
his head with the mask of a Hercules or Titan.
The reader immediately cries out, “The mountain *
has brought forth !” Certainly it ought not to be
so ; everything should be alike and of the same
colour; the body fitted to the head, not a golden
helmet, with a ridiculous breast-plate made of
stinking skins, shreds, and patches, a basket shield,
and hog-skin boots; and yet numbers of them put
the head of a Rhodian Colossus on the body of
a dwarf, whilst others show you a body without a
head, and step directly into the midst of things,
bringing in Xenophon for their authority, who
begins with “Darius and Parysatis had two sons;”
so likewise have other ancient writers; not con-
sidering that the narration itself may sometimes
supply the place of preface, or exordium, though it
* The Greek expression was proverbial. Horace has adopted
it : “Parturiunt montes, nascetur ridiculus mus.”
40 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
does not appear to the vulgar eye, as we shall show
hereafter.
All this, however, with regard to style and com-
position, may be borne with, but when they mis-
inform us about places, and make mistakes, not of
a few leagues, but whole day's journeys, what shall
we say to such historians ? One of them, who
never, we may suppose, so much as conversed with
a Syrian, or picked up anything concerning them
in the barberg’” shop, when he speaks of Europus,
tells us, “it is situated in Mesopotamia, two days'
journey from Euphrates, and was built by the
Edessenes.” Not content with this, the same noble
writer has taken away my poor country, Samosata,
and carried it off, tower, bulwarks, and all, to
Mesopotamia, where he says it is shut up between
two rivers, which at least run close to, if they do
not wash the walls of it. After this, it would be to
* Lucian adds, rö Asyóſzévov, wt est ºn proverbio, by which it
appears that barbers and their shops were as remarkable for
gossiping and tittle-tattle in ancient as they are in modern
times. Aristophanes mentions them in his “Plutus,” they are
recorded also by Plutarch, and Theophrastus styles them aowa
arupatrooia. -
INSTRUCTIONS FOR WRITING HISTORY. 4]
no purpose, my dear Philo, for me to assure you
that I am not from Parthia, nor do I belong to
Mesopotamia, of which this admirable historian has
thought fit to make me an inhabitant.
What he tells us of Severian, and which he
swears he heard from those who were eye-witnesses
of it, is no doubt extremely probable ; that he did
not choose to drink poison, or to hang himself, but
was resolved to find out some new and tragical way
of dying; that accordingly, having some large cups
of very fine glass, as soon as he had taken the re-
solution to finish himself, he broke one of them in
pieces, and with a fragment of it cut his throat; he
would not make use of sword or spear, that his
death might be more noble and heroic.
To complete all, because Thucydides" made a
funeral oration on the heroes who fell at the be-
ginning of the Peloponnesian war, he also thought
something should be said of Severian. These
historians, you must know, will always have a
little struggle with Thucydides, though he had
nothing to do with the war in Armenia; our
* See Thucydides, book ii., cap. 34.
42 TRIPs To THE MOON.
writer, therefore, after burying Severian most mag-
nificently, places at his sepulchre one Afranius
Silo, a centurion, the rival of Pericles, who spoke
, so fine a declamation upon him as, by heaven,
made me laugh till I cried again, particularly when
- the orator seemed deeply afflicted, and with tears in
his eyes, lamented the sumptuous entertainments
and drinking bouts which he should no more par-
take of. To crown all with an imitation of Ajax,”
the orator draws his sword, and, as it became the
noble Afranius, before all the assembly, kills him-
self at the tomb. So Mars defend me! but he
deserved to die much sooner for making such a
declamation. When those, says he, who were pre-
sent beheld this, they were filled with admiration,
and beyond measure extolled Afranius. For my
own part, I pitied him for the loss of the cakes
and dishes which he so lamented; and only blamed
him for not destroying the writer of the history
before he made an end of himself.
Others there are who, from ignorance and want
of skill, not knowing what should be mentioned,
who fell upon his sword. See the “Ajax * of Sophocles.
INSTRUCTIONS FOR, WRITING HISTORY. 43
and what passed over in silence, entirely omit or
slightly run through things of the greatest con-
sequence, and most worthy of attention, whilst
they most copiously describe and dwell upon trifles;
which is just as absurd as it would be not to
take notice of or admire the wonderful beauty
of the Olympian Jupiter,” and at the same time
to be lavish in our praises of the fine polish,
workmanship, and proportion of the base and
pedestal.
I remember one of these who despatches the
battle at Europus in seven lines, and spènds some
hundreds in a long frigid marration, that is nothing
to the purpose, showing how “a certain Moorish
cavalier, wandering on the mountains in search of
water, lit on some Syrian rustics, who helped him
to a dinner; how they were afraid of him at first,
but afterwards became intimately acquainted with
him, and received him with hospitality; for one of
them, it seems, had been in Mauritania, where his
brother bore arms.” Then follows a long tale,
“how he hunted in Mauritania, and saw several
* For a description of this famous statue, see Pausanias.
t
*-*.
44 TRIPs To THE Moon.
elephants feeding together; how he had like to
have been devoured by a lion; and how many fish
- he bought at Caesarea.” This admirable historian
takes no notice of the battle, the attacks or de-
fences, the truces, the guards on each side, or
anything else; but stands from morning to night
looking upon Malchion, the Syrian, who buys
cheap fish at Caesarea : if night had not come on,
I suppose he would have supped there, as the
chars” were ready. If these things had not been
carefully recorded in the history we should have
been sadly in the dark, and the Romans would
have had an insufferable loss, if Mausacas, the
thirsty Moor, could have found nothing to drink,
or returned to the camp without his supper; not
to mention here, what is still more ridiculous, as
how “a piper came up to them out of the neigh-
bouring village, and how they made presents to
* The oxápos, or scarus, is mentioned by several ancient
authors, as a fish of the most delicate flavour, and is supposed
to be of the same nature with our chars in Cumberland, and
some other parts of this kingdom. I have ventured, therefore,
to call it by this name, till some modern Apicius can furnish
me with a better. .
•
INSTRUCTIONS FOR, WEITING EIISTORY. 45
each other, Mausacas giving Malchion a spear,
and Malchion presenting Mausacas with a buckle.”
Such are the principal occurrences in the history
of the battle of Europus. One may truly say of
such writers that they never saw the roses on the
tree, but took care to gather the prickles that
grew at the bottom of it.
Another of them, who had never set a foot out
of Corinth, or seen Syria or Armenia, begins thus:
“It is better to trust our eyes than our ears ; I
write, therefore, what I have seen, and not what I
have heard; ” he saw everything so extremely
well that he tells us, “the Parthian dragons
(which amongst them signifies no more than a
great number,” for one dragon brings a thousand)
are live serpents of a prodigious size, that breed
in Persia, a little above Iberia ; that these are
lifted up on long poles, and spread terror to a great
distance; and that when the battle begins, they
* Dragons, or fiery serpents, were used by the Parthians,
and Suidas tells us, by the Scythians also, as standards, in
the same manner as the Romans made use of the eagle, and
under every one of these standards were a thousand men. See
Lips. de Mil. Rom., cap. 4.
46 TRIPS TO THE MOON,
let them loose on the enemy.” Many of our
soldiers, he tells us, were devoured by them,
and a vast number pressed to death by being
locked in their embraces: this he beheld himself
from the top of a high tree, to which he had
retired for safety. Well it was for us that he so
prudently determined not to come nigh them ; we
might otherwise have lost this excellent writer,
who with his own brave hand performed such
feats in this battle ; for he went through many
dangers, and was wounded somewhere about Susa,
I suppose, in his journey from Cranium to Lerna.
All this he recited to the Corinthians, who very
well knew that he had never so much as seen a
view of this battle painted on a wall; neither did
he know anything of arms, or military machines,
the method of disposing troops, or even the proper
names of them.*
Another famous writer has given an account of
everything that passed, from beginning to end, in t
Armenia, Syria, Mesopotamia, upon the Tigris,
and in Media, and all in less than five hundred
* See Arrian
INSTRUCTIONS FOR, WEITING EIISTORY. 47
lines; and when he had done this, tells us, he has.
written a history. The title, which is almost as
long as the work, runs thus: “A narrative of
everything done by the Romans in Armenia,
Media, and Mesopotamia, by Antiochianus, who
gained a prize in the sacred games of Apollo.” I
suppose, when he was a boy, he had conquered in
a running match.
I have heard of another likewise, who wrote a
history of what was to happen hereafter,” and,
describes the taking of Vologesus prisoner, the
murder of Osroes, and how he was to be given to
a lion ; and above all, our own much-to-be-wished-
for triumph, as things that must come to pass.
Thus prophesying away, he soon got to the end of
the story. He has built, moreover, a new city in
* The idea here so deservedly laughed at, of a history of
what was to come, if treated, not seriously, as this absurd
writer treated it, but ludicrously, as Lucian would probably have
treated it himself, might open a fine field for wit and humour.
Something of this kind appeared in a newspaper a few years
ago, which, I think, was called “News for a Hundred Years
Hence; ” and though but a rough sketch, was well executed. A
larger work, on the same ground, and by a good hand, might
afford much entertainment.
48 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
Mesopotamia, most magnificently magnificent, and
most beautifully beautiful, and is considering with
himself whether he shall call it Victoria, from
victory, or the City of Concord, or Peace, which of
them, however, is not yet determined, and this fine
city must remain without a name, filled as it is
with nothing but this writer's folly and nonsense.
He is now going about a long voyage, and to give
us a description of what is to be done in India ;
and this is more thall a pluluise, for the preface
is already made, and the third legion, the Gauls,
and a small part of the Mauritanian forces under
Cassius, have already passed the river; what they
will do afterwards, or how they will succeed
against the elephants, it will be some time before
our wonderful writer can be able to learn, either
from Mazuris or the Oxydraci.
Thus do these foolish fellows trifle with us,
neither knowing what is fit to be done, nor if they
did, able to execute it, at the same time deter-
mined to say anything that comes into their
ridiculous heads ; affecting to be grand and pom-
pous, even in their titles: of “the Parthian
victories so many books; ” Parthias, says another,
INSTRUCTIONS FOR WRITING HISTORY. 49
like Atthis; another more elegantly calls his book
the Parthonicica of Demetrius. - -
I could mention many more of equal merit with
these, but shall now proceed to make my promise
good, and give some instructions how to write
better. I have not produced these examples merely
to laugh at and ridicule these noble histories; but
with the view of real advantages, that he who
avoids their errors, may himself learn to write
well—if it be true, as the logicians assert, that
of two opposites, between which there is no me-
dium, the one being taken away, the other must
remain.*
Somebody, perhaps, will tell me that the field is
now cleansed and weeded, that the briars and
brambles are cut up, the rubbish cleared off, and
the rough path made smooth ; that I ought there-
fore to build something myself, to show that I not
only can pull down the structures of others, but
am able to raise up and invent a work truly great
* This kind of scholastic jargon was much in vogue in the
time of Lucian, and it is no wonder he should take every.
opportunity of laughing at it, as nothing can be more opposite
to true genius, wit, and humour, than such pedantry.
50 - TRIPS TO THE MOON.
and excellent, which nobody could find fault with,
nor Momus himself turn into ridicule.
I say, therefore, that he who would write history
well must be possessed of these two principal
qualifications, a fine understanding and a good
style: one is the gift of nature, and cannot be
taught; the other may be acquired by frequent
exercise, perpetual labour and an emulation of the
ancients. To make men sensible and Sagacious,
who were not horn so, is more thall I pretend to ;
to create and new-model things in this manner
would be a glorious thing indeed ; but one might
as easily make gold out of lead, silver out of tin,
a Titornus out of a Conon, or a Milo out of a Leo-
trophides.*
* Milo, the Crotonian wrestler, is reported to have been a
man of most wonderful bodily strength, concerning which a
number of lies are told, for which the reader, if he pleases,
may consult his dictionary. He lost his life, we are informed,
by trying to rend with his hands an old oak, which wedged
him in, and pressed him to death; the poet says–
66 he met his end,
Wedged in that timber which he strove to rend.”
Titornus was a rival of Milo's, and, according to Ælian, who is
INSTRUCTIONS FOR, WEITING. EIISTORY. 51
What then is in the power of art or instruction
to perform not to create qualities and perfections
already bestowed, but to teach the proper use of
them ; for as Tccus, Herodicus, Theon,” or any
other famous wrestler, would not promise to make
Antiochus a conqueror in the Olympic games, or
equal to a Theagenes, or Polydamas; but only
that where a man had natural abilities for this
exercise he could, by his instruction, render him a
greater proficient in it : far be it from me, also, to ,
promise the invention of an art so difficult as
this, nor do I say that I can make anybody an
historian ; but that I will point out to one of good :
understanding, and who has been in some measure.
used to writing, certain proper paths (if such they
appear to him), which if any man shall tread in,
not always to be credited, rolled a large stone with ease,
which Milo with all his force could not stir. Conon was some
slim Macaroni of that age, remarkable only for his debility,
as was Leotrophides also, of crazy memory, recorded by Aris-
tophanes, in his comedy called The Birds.
* The Broughtons of antiquity; men, we may suppose,
renowned in their time for teaching the young nobility of ,
Greece to bruise one another Secundum artem.
52 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
he may with greater ease and despatch do what
he ought to do, and attain the end which he is in
pursuit of.
Neither can it be here asserted, be he ever so
sensible or sagacious, that he doth not stand in
need of assistance with regard to those things
which he is ignorant of ; otherwise he might play
on the flute or any other instrument, who had
never learned, and perform just as well ; but with-
out teaching, the hands will do nothing; whereas,
if there be a master, we quickly learn, and are
soon able to play by ourselves.
Give me a scholar, therefore, who is able to
think and to write, to look with an eye of discern-
ment into things, and to do business himself, if
called upon, who hath both civil and military
knowledge; one, moreover, who has been in
camps, and has seen armies in the field and out of
it ; knows the use of arms, and machines, and war-
like engines of every kind; can tell what the
front, and what the horn is, how the ranks are to
be disposed, how the horse is to be directed, and
from whence to advance or to retreat; one, in short,
who does not stay at home and trust to the reports
INSTRUCTIONS FOR WIRITING. EIISTORY. 53
of others: but, above all, let him be of a noble r
and liberal mind; let him neither fear nor hope
for anything ; otherwise he will only resemble
those unjust judges who determine from partiality
or prejudice, and give sentence for hire ; but,
whatever the man is, as such let him be described.
The historian must not care for Philip, when he
loses his eye by the arrow of Aster,” at Olynthus,
nor for Alexander, when he so cruelly killed
Clytus at the banquet: Cleon must not terrify
him, powerful as he was in the senate, and
supreme at the tribunal, nor prevent his recording
him as a furious and pernicious man; the whole
city of Athens must not stop his relation of the
Sicilian slaughter, the seizure of Demosthenes,f the
death of Nicias, their violent thirst, the water
which they drank, and the death of so many of
them whilst they were drinking it. He will
* See Diodorus Siculus, lib. vii., and Plutarch.
+ Concerning some of these facts, even recent as they were
then with regard to us, historians are divided. Thucydides
and Plutarch tell the story one way, Diodorus and Justin
another. Well might our author, therefore, find fault with
their uncertainty. - -
54 TRIPs To THE Moon.
\imagine (which will certainly be the case) that
no man in his senses will blame him for recording
things exactly as they fell out. However some may
have miscarried by imprudence, or others by ill
fortune, he is only the relator, not the author of
them. If they are beaten in a sea-fight, it is not
he who sinks them ; if they fly, it is not he who
pursues them ; all he can do is to wish well to,
and offer up his vows for them ; but by passing
over or contradicting facts, he cannot altel Ur
amend them. It would have been very easy
indeed for Thucydides, with a stroke of his pen,
to have thrown down the walls of Epipolis, sunk
the vessel of Hermocrates, or made an end of the
execrable Gylippus, who stopped up all the
avenues with his walls and ditches; to have
thrown the Syracusans on the Lautumiae, and
have let the Athenians go round Sicily and Italy,
according to the early hopes of Alcibiades: but
what is past and done Clotho cannot weave again,
nor Atropos recall.
The only business of the historian is to relate
things exactly as they are: this he can never do
as long as he is afraid of Artaxerxes, whose
INSTRUCTIONS FOR, WEITING EIISTORY. 55.
physician * he is ; as long as he looks for the
purple robe, the golden chain, or the Nisaean
horse,f as the reward of his labours; but Xeno-
phon, that just writer, will not do this, nor Thucy-
dides. The good historian, though he may have
private enmity against any man, will esteem the
public welfare of more consequence to him, and
will prefer truth to resentment ; and, on the
other hand, be he ever so fond of any man, will
not spare him when he is in the wrong; for this,
as I before observed, is the most essential thing
in history, to sacrifice to truth alone, and cast
away all care for everything else. The great
universal rule and standard is, to have regard not
to those who read now, but to those who are to
peruse our works hereafter. .
To speak impartially, the historians of former
* Lucian alludes, it is supposed, to Ctesias, the physician to
Artaxerxes, whose history is stuffed with encomiums on his
royal patron. See Plutarch’s “Artaxerxes.”
+ The Campus Nisaeus, a large plain in Media, near the
Caspian mountains, was famous for breeding the finest horses,
which were allotted to the use of kings only ; or, according to
Xenophon, those favourites on whom the sovereign thought
proper to bestow them. See the “Cyropaed.,” book viii.
56 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
times were too often guilty of flattery, and their
works were little better than games and sports,
the effects of art. Of Alexander, this memorable
saying is recorded : “I should be glad,” said he,
“Onesicritus, after my death, to come to life
again for a little time, only to hear what the
people then living will say of me ; for I am not
surprised that they praise and caress me now, as
every one hopes by baiting well to catch my
favour.” Though Homer wrote a groat many
fabulous things concerning Achilles, the world
was induced to believe him, for this only reason,
because they were written long after his death,
and no cause could be assigned why he should tell
lies about him.
The good historian,” then, must be thus de-
scribed : he must be fearless, uncorrupted, free,
* This fine picture of a good historian has been copied by
Tully, Strabo, Polybius, and other writers; it is a standard of
perfection, however, which few writers, ancient or modern,
have been able to reach. Thuanus has prefixed to his history
these lines of Lucian ; but whether he, or any other historian,
hath answered in every point to the description here given, is,
I believe, yet undetermined.
INSTRUCTIONS For wFITING HISTORY. , 57.
the friend of truth and of liberty; one who, to use
the words of the comic poet, calls a fig a fig," and a
skiff a skiff, neither giving nor withholding from
any, from favour or from enmity, not influenced
by pity, by shame, or by remorse; a just judge, so
far benevolent to all as never to give more than
is due to any in his work ; a stranger to all, of no
country, bound only by his own laws, acknow-
ledging no sovereign, never considering what this
or that man may say of him, but relating faithfully
everything as it happened.
This rule therefore Thucydides observed, dis-
tinguishing properly the faults and perfections of
history : not unmindful of the great reputation
which Herodotus had acquired, insomuch that his
books were called by the names of the Muses.f
* The saying is attributed to Aristophanes, though I cannot
find it there. It is observable that this proverbial kind of
expression, for freedom of words and sentiments, has been
adopted into almost every language, though the image com.
veying it is different. Thus the Greeks call a fig a fig, &c.
We say, an honest man calls a spade a spade; and the French
call “un chat un chat.” Boileau says, “J'appelle un chat un
chat, et Rolet un fripon.”
† Herodotus's history is comprehended in nine books, to
58 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
Thucydides tells us that he “wrote for posterity,
and not for present delight ; that he by no means
approved of the fabulous, but was desirous of
delivering down the truth alone to future ages.”
It is the useful, he adds, which must constitute
the merit of history, that by the retrospection of
what is past, when similar events occur, men may
know how to act in present exigencies.
Such an historian would I wish to have under
my care : with regard to language and expression,
I would not have it rough and vehement, con-
sisting of long periods,” or complex arguments;
but soft, quiet, smooth, and peaceable. The re-
flections short and frequent, the style clear and
perspicuous; for as freedom and truth should be
the primcipal perfections of the writer's mind,
each of which is prefixed the name of a Muse; the first is
called Clio, the second Euterpe, and so on. A modern poet, I
...have been told, the ingenious Mr. Aaron Hill, improved upon
this thought, and christened (if we may properly so call it),
not his books, but his daughters by the same poetical names
of Miss Cli, Miss Melp-y, Miss Terps-y, Miss Urania, &c.
.* Both Thucydides and Livy are reprehensible in this par-
ticular ; and the same objection may be made to Thuanus,
Clarendon, Burnet, and many other modern historians.
INSTRUCTIONS FOR WRITING HISTORY. 59
so, with regard to language, the great point is
to make everything plain and intelligible, not to
use remote and far-fetched phrases or expressions,
at the same time avoiding such as are mean and
vulgar: let it be, in short, what the lowest may
understand; and, at the same time, the most
learned cannot but approve. The whole may be
adorned with figure and metaphor, provided they
are not turgid or bombast, nor seem stiff and,
laboured, which, like meat too highly seasoned,
always give disgust. - t
History may sometimes assume a poetical form,
and rise into a magnificence of expression, when
the subject demands it ; and especially when it is
describing armies, battles, and sea-fights. The
Pierian spirit * is wanting then to swell the sails
with a propitious breeze, and carry the lofty
ship over the tops of the waves. In general, the
diction should creep humbly on the ground, and
* How just is this observation of Lucian’s, and at the same
time how truly poetical is the image which he makes use of to
express it ! It puts us in mind of his rival critic Longinus,
who, as Pope has observed, is himself the great sublime he
draws.
60 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
only be raised as the grand and beautiful occurring
shall require it ; keeping, in the meantime, within
proper bounds, and never soaring into enthusiasm;
for then it is in danger of ranging beyond its
limits, into poetic fury : we must then pull in the
rein and act with caution, well knowing that it is
the worst vice of a writer, as well as of a horse,
to be wanton and unmanageable. The best way
therefore is, whilst the mind of the historian is
on horseback, for his style to walk on foot, and
take hold of the rein, that it may not be left be-
hind.
With regard to composition, the words should
not be so blended and transposed as to appear
harsh and uncouth ; nor should you, as some do,
subject them entirely to the rhythmus” ; one is
* By this very just observation, Lucian means to censure all
those writers—and we have many such now amongst us—who
take so much pains to smooth and round their periods, as to
disgust their readers by the frequent repetition of it, as it
naturally produces a tiresome sameness in the sound of them ;
and at the same time discovers too much that laborious art
and care, which it is always the author's business as much as
possible to conceal.
INSTRUCTIONS FOR, WRITING HISTORY. 61
always faulty, and the other disagreeable to the
reader.
Eacts must not be carelessly put together, but
with great labour and attention. If possible, let
the historian be an eye-witness of everything he
means to record ; or, if that cannot be, rely on
those only who are incorrupt, and who have no
bias from passion or prejudice, to add or to diminish
anything. And here much sagacity will be re-
quisite to find out the real truth. When he has
collected all or most of his materials, he will first
make a kind of diary, a body whose members are
not yet distinct; he will then bring it into order
and beautify it, add the colouring of style and
language, adopt his expression to the subject, and
harmonise the several parts of it ; then, like
Homer's Jupiter,” who casts his eye sometimes on
the Thracian, and sometimes on the Mysian forces,
he beholds now the Roman, and now the Persian
armies, now both, if they are engaged, and relates
what passes in them. Whilst they are embattled,
his eye is not fixed on any particular part, nor on
* See Homer’s “Iilad,” bk. xiii., l. 4.
62 y TRIPs To THE MOON.
any one leader, unless, perhaps, a Brasidas * steps
forth to scale the walls, or a Demosthenes to pre-
vent him. To the generals he gives his first atten-
tion, listens to their commands, their counsels, and
their determination; and, when they come to the
engagement, he weighs in equal scale the actions
of both, and closely attends the pursuer and the
pursued, the conqueror and the conquered. All
this must be done with temper and moderation, so
as not to satiate or tire, not inartificially, not
childishly, but with ease and grace. When these
things are properly taken care of, he may turn
aside to others, ever ready and prepared for the
present event, keeping time,f as it were, with
every circumstance and event : flying from Ar-
menia to Media, and from thence with clattering
wings to Italy, or to Iberia, that not a moment
may escape him.
The mind of the historian should resemble a
* The famous Lacedaemonian general. The circumstance
alluded to is in Thucydides, bk. iv.
t Gr. 6poxpovetro, a technical term, borrowed from music,
and signifying that tone of the voice which exactly corresponds
with the instrument accompanying it.
INSTRUCTIONS FOR, WEITING BISTORY. 63
looking-glass, shining clear and exactly true, re-
presenting everything as it really is, and nothing
distorted, or of a different form or colour. He
writes not to the masters of eloquence, but simply
relates what is done. It is not his to consider
what he shall say, but only how it is to be
said. He may be compared to Phidias, Praxiteles,
Alcamenus, or other eminent artists; for neither
did they make the gold, the silver, the ivory, or
any of the materials which they worked upon.
These were supplied by the Elians, the Athenians,
and Argives; their only business was to cut and
polish the ivory, to spread the gold into various
forms, and join them together; their art was
properly to dispose what was put into their hands;
and such is the work of the historians, to dis-
pose and adorn the actions of men, and to make
them known with clearness and precision : to
represent what he hath heard, as if he had been
himself an eye-witness of it. To perform this
well, and gain the praise resulting from it, is the
business of our historical Phidias.
When everything is thus prepared, he may
begin if he pleases without preface or exordium,
64 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
unless the subject particularly demands it; he may
supply the place of one, by informing us what he
intends to write upon, in the beginning of the work
itself: if, however, he makes use of any preface,
he need not divide it as our orators do, into three
parts, but confine it to two, leaving out his address
to the benevolence of his readers, and only solicit-
ing their attention and complacency: their attention .
he may be assured of, if he can convince them that
he is about to speak of things great, or necessary,
or interesting, or useful; nor need he fear their
want of complacency, if he clearly explains to
them the causes of things, and gives them the
heads of what he intends to treat of.
Such are the exordiums which our best historians
have made use of. Herodotus tells us, “he wrote
his history, lest in process of time the memory
should be lost of those things which in themselves
were great and wonderful, which showed forth the
victories of Greece, and the slaughter of the
2
barbarians;” and Thucydides sets out with saying,
“he thought that war most worthy to be recorded, as
greater than any which had before happened ; and
that, moreover, some of the greatest misfortunes
INSTRUCTIONS FOR, WRITING HISTORY. 65,
had accompanied it.” The exordium, in short,
may be lengthened or contracted according to the
subject matter, and the transition from thence to
the narration easy and natural. The body of the
history is only a long narrative, and as such it
must go on with a soft and even motion, alike in
every part, so that nothing should stand too
forward, or retreat too far behind. Above all, the
style should be clear and perspicuous, which can
only arise, as I before observed, from a harmony
in the composition : one thing perfected, the next
which succeeds should be coherent with it ; knit,
together, as it were, by one common chain, which
must never be broken : they must not be so many
separate and distinct narratives, but each so closely
united to what follows, as to appear one continued
series.
Brevity is always necessary, especially when you
have a great deal to say, and this must be pro-
portioned to the facts and circumstances which
you have to relate. In general, you must slightly
run through little things, and dwell longer on
great ones. When you treat your friends, you
give them boars, hares, and other dainties; you
66 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
would not offer them beans, Saperda,” or any other
common food.
When you describe mountains, rivers, and bul-
warks, avoid all pomp and Ostentation, as if you
meant to show your own eloquence; pass over
these things as slightly as you can, and rather aim
at being useful and intelligible. Observe how the
great and sublime Homer acts on these occasions !
as great a poet as he is, he says nothing about
Tantalus, Ixion, Tityus, and the rest of them.
But if Parthenius, Euphorion, or Callimachus, had
treated this subject, what a number of verses they
would have spent in rolling Ixion's wheel, and
bringing the water up to the very lips of Tantalus!
Mark, also, how quickly Thucydides, who is very
sparing f of his descriptions, breaks off when he
gives an account of any military machine, explains
the manner of a siege, even though it be ever so
useful and necessary, or describes cities or the
* A coarse fish that came from Pontus, or the Black Sea.
—Saperdas advehe Ponto. See Pers. Sat. v. l. 134.
+ Here doctors differ. Several of Thucydides's descriptions
are certainly very long, many of them, perhaps, rather
bedious.
INSTRUCTIONS FOR, WRITING HISTORY. 67
port of Syracuse. Even in his narrative of the
plague which seems so long, if you consider the
multiplicity of events, you will find he makes as
much haste as possible, and omits many circum-
stances, though he was obliged to retain so many
D] OI’6.
When it is necessary to make any one speak, you
must take care to let him say nothing but what
is suitable to the person, and to what he speaks
about, and let everything be clear and intelligible:
here, indeed, you may be permitted to play the
orator, and show the power of eloquence. With
regard to praise, or dispraise, you cannot be too
modest and circumspect; they should be strictly
just and impartial, short and seasonable: your
evidence otherwise will not be considered as legal,
and you will incur the same censure as Theopom-
pus * did, who finds fault with everybody from
enmity and ill-nature ; and dwells so perpetually
* Lucian is rather severe on this writer. Cicero only says,
De omnibus omnia libere palam dixit; he spoke freely of every-
body. Other writers, however, are of the same opinion with
our satirist with regard to him. See Dions. Plutarch. Corne-
lius Nepos, &c.
68 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
on this, that he seems rather to be an accuser
than an historian. *
If anything occurs that is very extraordinary or
incredible, you may mention without vouching for
the truth of it, leaving everybody to judge for
themselves concerning it : by taking no part your-
self, you will remain safe. -
Remember, above all, and throughout your work,
again and again, I must repeat it, that you write
not with a view to the proscnt times only, that the
age you live in may applaud and esteem you, but
with an eye fixed on posterity; from future ages
expect your reward, that men may say of you,
“that man was full of honest freedom, never
flattering or servile, but in all things the friend of
truth.” This commendation, the wise man will
prefer to all the vain hopes of this life, which are
but of short duration.
Recollect the story of the Cnidian architect,
when he built the tower in Pharos, where the fire
is kindled to prevent mariners from running on
the dangerous rocks of Paraetonia, that most noble
and most beautiful of all works; he carved his own
name on a part of the rock on the inside, then
INSTRUCTIONS FOR, WEITING HISTORY. 69
covered it over with mortar, and inscribed on it
the name of the reigning sovereign : well knowing
that, as it afterwards happened, in a short space of
time these letters would drop off with the mortar,
and discover under it this inscription: “Sostratus
the Cnidian, son of Dexiphanes, to those gods who
preserve the mariner.” Thus had he regard not to
the times he lived in, not to his own short exist-
ence, but to the present period, and to all future
ages, even as long as his tower shall stand, and his
art remain upon earth.
Thus also should history be written, rather
anxious to gain the approbation of posterity by
truth and merit, than to acquire present applause
by adulation and falsehood.
Such are the rules which I would prescribe to
the historian, and which will contribute to the per-
fection of his work, if he thinks proper to observe
them; if not, at least, I have rolled my tub. *
* Alluding to the story of Diogenes, as related in the
beginning. -
THE TRUE HISTORY.
THE TRUE HISTORY.
B O O K. I.
JAucian’s True History is, as the author himself acknowledges
£n the Preface to it, a collection of ingenious lies, calculated
principally to amuse the reader, not without Several allusions,
as he informs ws, to the works of ancient Poets, Historians,
and Philosophers, as well as, most probably, the perform-
ances of contemporary writers, whose absurdities are either
obliquely glanced at, or openly ridiculed and exposed. We
cannot but lament that the humour of the greatest part of
these allusions must be lost to us, the works themselves being
long since buried in oblivion. Lucian’s True History,
therefore, like the Duke of Buckingham's Rehearsal, cammot
be half so agreeable as when it was first written ; there is,
however, enough remaining to secure it from contempt. The
vein of rich fancy, and wildness of a lua wriant imagination,
which run through the whole, sufficiently point out the
author as a man of wr.com/mon genius and invention. The
Teader will easily perceive that Bergerac, Swift, and other
writers have read this work of Lucian’s, and are much in-
debted to him for it.
{
-e-Cº-
P. R. E. F.A. C. E.
As athletics of all kinds hold it necessary, not only
to prepare the body by exercise and discipline, but
‘74 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
sometimes to give it proper relaxation, which they
esteem no less requisite, so do I think it highly
necessary also for men of letters, after their severer
studies, to relax a little, that they may return to
them with the greater pleasure and alacrity; and
for this purpose there is no better repose than that
which arises from the reading of such books as not
only by their humour and pleasantry may enter-
tain them, but convey at the same time some use-
ful instruction, both which, I flatter myself, the
reader will meet with in the following history; for
he will not only be pleased with the novelty of the
plan, and the variety of lies, which I have told
with an air of truth, but with the tacit allusions so
frequently made, not, I trust, without some degree
of humour, to our ancient poets, historians, and
philosophers, who have told us some most miracu-
lous and incredible stories, and which I should
have pointed out to you, but that I thought they
would be sufficiently visible on the perusal. -
Ctesias the Cnidian, son of Ctesiochus, wrote an
account of India and of things there, which he
never saw himself, nor heard from anybody else.
Iambulus also has acquainted us with many
THE TRUE EIISTORY 75
wonders which he met with in the great sea, and
which everybody knew to be absolute falsehoods :
the work, however, was not unentertaining. Be-
sides these, many others have likewise presented
us with their own travels and peregrinations,
where they tell us of wondrous large beasts, savage
men, and unheard-of ways of living. The great
leader and master of all this rhodomontade is
Homer’s “Ulysses,” who talks to Alcinous about
the winds º pent up in bags, man-eaters, and one-
eyed Cyclops, wild men, creatures with many
heads, several of his companions turned into beasts
by enchantment, and a thousand things of this
kind, which he related to the ignorant and credu-
lous Phaeacians.
These, notwithstanding, I cannot think much to
* See Homer’s “Odyssey.”—The strange stories which Lucian
here mentions may certainly be numbered, with all due
deference to so great a name, amongst the nugae canorae of old
| Homer. Juvenal certainly considers them in this light when
he says:–
Tam vacui capitis populum Phaeaca putavit.
Some modern critics, however, have endeavoured to defend
them.
76 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
blame for their falsehoods, seeing that the custom
has been sometimes authorised, even by the pre-
tenders to philosophy: I only wonder that they
should ever expect to be believed : being, however,
myself incited, by a ridiculous vanity, with the
desire of transmitting something to posterity, that
I may not be the only man who doth not indulge
himself in the liberty of fiction, as I could not
relate anything true (for I, know of nothing at
present worthy to be recorded), I turned my
thoughts towards falsehood, a species of it, how-
ever, much more excusable than that of others, as
I shall at least say one thing true, when I tell you
that I lie, and shall hope to escape the general
censure, by acknowledging that I mean to speak
not a word of truth throughout. Know ye, there-
fore, that I am going to write about what I never
saw myself, nor experienced, nor so much as heard
from anybody else, and, what is more, of such
things as neither are, nor ever can be. I give my
readers warning, therefore, not to believe me.
THE TRUE HISTORY. 77
ONCE upon a time, * then, I set sail from the
Pillars of Hercules, and getting into the Western
Ocean, set off with a favourable wind; the cause of
my peregrination was no more than a certain im-
patience of mind and thirst after novelty, with a
desire of knowing where the sea ended, and what
kind of men inhabited the several shores of it ; for
this purpose I laid in a large stock of provisions,
and as much water as I thought necessary, taking
along with me fifty companions of the same mind
as myself. I prepared withal, a number of arms,
with a skilful pilot, whom we hired at a consider-
able expense, and made our ship (for it was a
pinnace), as tight as we could in case of a long and
dangerous voyage.
We sailed on with a prosperous gale for a day
and a night, but being still in sight of land, did not
make any great way; the next day, however, at
sun-rising, the wind springing up, the waves ran
high, it grew dark, and we could not unfurl a sail;
we gave ourselves up to the winds and waves, and
* Here the history begins, what goes before may be con-
sidered as the author's preface, and should have been marked
as such in the original.
78 - TRIPS TO THE MOON,
were tossed about in a storm, which raged with
great fury for threescore and nineteen days, but on
the eightieth the sun shone bright, and we saw
not far from us an island, high and woody, with
the sea round it quite calm and placid, for the storm
was over: we landed, got out, and happy to escape
from our troubles, laid ourselves down on the
ground for some time, after which we arose, and
choosing out thirty of our company to take care of
the vessel, I remained on shore with the other
twenty, in order to take a view of the interior part
of the island.
About three stadia from the sea, as we passed
through a wood, we found a pillar of brass, with a
Greek inscription on it, the characters almost
effaced ; we could make out however these words,
“thus far came Hercules and Bacchus:”
were the marks of two footsteps on a rock, one of
them measured about an acre, the other some
thing less; the smaller one appeared to me to be
that of Bacchus, the larger that of Hercules; we
paid our adorations to the deities and proceeded.
near it
We had not got far before we met with a river,
which seemed exactly to resemble wine, particu-
THE TRUE HISTORY. 79.
larly that of Chios;* it was of a vast extent, and in
many places navigable ; this circumstance induced
us to give more credit to the inscription on the
pillar, when we perceived such visible marks of
Bacchus's presence here. As I had a mind to
know whence this river sprung, I went back to the
place from which it seemed to arise, but could not
trace the spring; I found, however, several large
vines full of grapes, at the root of every one the
wine flowed in great abundance, and from them. I
suppose the river was collected. We saw a great
quantity of fish in it which were extremely like
wine, both in taste and colour, and after we had
$ Among the Greek wines, so much admired by ancient Epi-
cures, those of the islands of the Archipelago were the most
celebrated, and of these the Chian wine, the product of Chios,
bore away the palm from every other, and particularly that
which was made from vines growing on the mountain called
Arevisia, in testimony of which it were easy, if necessary, to
produce an amphora full of classical quotations. f
The present inhabitants of that island make a small quantity
of excellent wine for their own use and are liberal of it to
strangers who travel that way, but dare not, being under
Turkish government, cultivate the vines well, or export the
product of them. {
80 - TRIPS TO THE MOON.
taken and eaten a good many of them we found
ourselves intoxicated ; and when we cut them up,
observed that they were full of grape stones;
it occurred to us afterwards that we should
have mixed them with some water fish, as by
themselves they tasted rather too strong of the
wine. -
We passed the river in a part of it which was
fordable, and a little farther on met with a most
wonderful species of vine, the bottoms of them
that touched the earth were green and thick, and
all the upper part most beautiful women, with the
limbs perfect from the waist, only that from the
tops of the fingers branches sprung out full of
grapes, just as Daphne is represented as turned
into a tree when Apollo laid hold on her; on the
head, likewise, instead of hair they had leaves
and tendrils; when we came up to them they
addressed us, some in the Lydian tongue, some
in the Indian, but most of them in Greek; they
would not suffer us to taste their grapes, but when
anybody attempted it, cried out as if they were
hurt.
We left them and returned to our companions
THE TRUE, BITSTORY. 8l
in the ship. We then took our casks, filled some
of them with water, and some with wine from the
river, slept one night on shore, and the next morn-
ing set sail, the wind being very moderate. About
noon, the island being now out of sight, on a
sudden a most violent whirlwind arose, and carried
the ship above three thousand stadia, lifting it
up above the water, from whence it did not let us
down again into the seas but kept us suspended *
in mid air, in this manner we hung for seven days
and nights, and on the eighth beheld a large tract
of land, like an island, f round, shining, and re-
markably full of light; we got on shore, and found
on examination that it was cultivated and full of in-
habitants, though we could not then see any of them.
As night came on other islands appeared, some
large, others small, and of a fiery colour; there
was also below these another land with seas, woods,
* In the same manner ag Gulliver's island of Laputa.--From.
this passage it is not improbable but that Swift borrowed the
idea.
# The account which Lucian here gives us of his visit
to the moon, perhaps suggested to Begerac the idea of his
ingenious work, called “A Voyage to the Moon."
82 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
mountains, and cities in it, and this we took to be
our native country: as we were advancing for-
wards, we were seized on a sudden by the Hip-
pogypi, * for so it seems they were called by the
inhabitants; these Hippogypi are men carried
upon vultures, which they ride as we do horses.
These vultures have each three heads, and are im-
mensely large ; you may judge of their size when I
tell you that one of their feathers is bigger than
the mast of a ship. The Hippogypi have orders,
it seems, to fly round the kingdom, and if they
find any stranger, to bring him to the king : they
took us therefore, and carried us before him. As
soon as he saw us, he guessed by our garb what
we were. “You are Grecians,” said he, “are you
not l” We told him we were. “And how,”
added he, “got ye hither through the air | * We
told him everything that had happened to us; and
he, in return, related to us his own history, and
informed us, that he also was a man, that his name
was Endymion, f that he had been taken away
* Equi vultures, horse vultures; from triros, a horse: and
yºu, a vulture. -
+ Lucian, we see, has founded his history on matter of fact.
THE TRUE HISTORY. 83.
from our earth in his sleep, and brought to this
place where he reigned as sovereign. That spot,”
he told us, which now looked like a moon to us,
was the earth. He desired us withal not to make
ourselves uneasy, for that we should soon have
everything we wanted. “If I succeed,” says he,
“in the war which I am now engaged in against
the inhabitants of the sun, you will be very happy
here.” We asked him then what enemies he had,
and what the quarrel was about ! “Phaëton,” he
replied, “who is king of the sun f (for that is in-
Endymion, we all know, was a king of Elis, though some call
him a shepherd. Shepherd or king, however, he was so hand-
some, that the moon, who saw him sleeping on mount Latmos,
fell in love with him. This no orthodox heathen ever
doubted : Lucian, who was a freethinker, laughs indeed at the
tale; but has made him ample amends in this history by
creating him emperor of the moon.
* Modern astronomers are, I think, agreed, that we are to
the moon just the same as the moon is to us. Though Lucian's
history may be false, therefore his philosophy, we see, was
true (1780). (The moon is not habitable, 1887.)
+ This I am afraid, is not so agreeable to the modern system ;
our philosophers all asserting that the sun is not habitable.
As it is a place, however, which we are very little acquainted
- 84 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
habited as well as the moon), has been at war with
us for some time past. The foundation of it was
this : I had formerly an intention of sending some
of the poorest of my subjects to establish a colony
in Lucifer, which was uninhabited : but Phaëton,
out of envy, put a stop to it, by opposing me in
the mid-way with his Hippomyrmices; * we were
overcome and desisted, our forces at that time
being unequal to theirs. I have now, however, re-
solved to renew the war and fix. Iny colony; if you
have a mind, you shall accompany us in the ex-
pedition; I will furnish you everyone with a royal
vulture and other accoutrements; we shall set out
to-morrow.” “With all my heart,” said I, “when-
ever you please.” We stayed, however, and supped
with him; and rising early the next day, proceeded
with the army, when the spies gave us notice that
, the enemy was approaching. The army consisted
of a hundred thousand, besides the scouts and
engineers, together with the auxiliaries, amongst
whom were eighty thousand Hippogypi, and
with, they may be mistaken, and Lucian may guess as well as
ourselves, for aught we can prove to the contrary.
* Horse ants, from tiriros, a horse; and pºpumé, an ant.
.T.EIE TRUE HISTORY. - 85
twenty thousand who were mounted on the Lacha-
nopteri; * these are very large birds, whose
feathers are of a kind of herb, and whose wings
look like lettuces. Next to these stood the Cin-
chroboli, f and the Schorodomachi.j Our allies
from the north were three thousand Psyllotoxotae Ş
and five thousand Anemodromi; the former
take their names from the fleas which they ride
upon, every flea being as big as twelve elephants;
the latter are foot-soldiers, and are carried about
in the air without wings, in this manner: they
have large gowns hanging down to their feet, these
they tuck up and spread in a form of a sail,
and the wind drives them about like so many
boats: in the battle they generally wear targets.
It was reported that seventy thousand Stratho-
* From Aáxavov, olw8, any kind of herb ; and irrepáv penna, a
Wing.
+ Millii jaculatores, darters of millet; millet is a kind of small
grain. A strange species of warriors -
3. Alliès pugnantes, garlic fighters: these we are to suppose
threw garlic at the enemy, and served as a kind of stink-
pots.
§ Pwlexi Sagittarii, flea-archers.
| Ventº cursores, wind coursers.
-86 . TRIPs To THE Moon.
balani" from the stars over Cappadocia were to be
there, together with five thousand Hippogerani; f
these I did not see, for they never came : I shall
not attempt, therefore, to describe them ; of these,
however, most wonderful things were related.
Such were the forces of Endymion ; their arms
were all alike ; their helmets were made of beans,
for they have beans there of a prodigious size and
strength, and their scaly breast-plates of lupines
sewed together, for the skins of their lupines are
like a horn, and impenetrable ; their shields and
swords the same as our own.
The army ranged themselves in this manner:
the right wing was formed by the Hippogypi, with
the king, and round him his chosen band to protect
him, amongst which we were admitted; on the
left were the Lachanopteri ; the auxiliaries in the
middle, the foot were in all about sixty thousand
myriads. They have spiders, you must know, in
this country, in infinite numbers, and of pretty
large dimensions, each of them being as big as one
of the islands of the Cyclades; these were ordered
* Passeres glandiwm, acorn sparrows.
+ Egwi grues, horse-cranes
THE TRUE HISTORY. 87
~.
to cover the air from the moon quite to the morn-
ing star; this being immediately done, and the
field of battle prepared, the infantry was drawn up
under the command of Nycterion, the son of
Eudianax.
The left wing of the enemy, which was com-
manded by Phaëton himself, consisted of the
Hippomyrmices; these are large birds, and re-
semble our ants, except with regard to size, the
largest of them covering two acres; these fight
with their horns and were in number about
fifty thousand. In the right wing were the
Aeroconopes,” about five thousand, all archers, and
riding upon large gnats. To these succeeded the
Aerocoraces,f light infantry, but remarkably brave
and useful warriors, for they threw out of slings
exceeding large radishes, which whoever was struck
by, died immediately, a most horried stench ex-
haling from the wound ; they are said, indeed,
* Air-flies.
#Gr. 'Aépoképakes, air-crows; but as all crows fly through the
air, I would rather read 'Aspoképôakes, which may be translated
air-dancers, from képôaš, cordaa, a lascivious kind of dance, so
called.
88 TRIPS TO. TEIE MOON. .
to dip their arrows in a poisonous kind of
mallow. Behind these stood ten thousand Caul-
omycetes,” heavy-armed soldiers, who fight hand
to hand; so called because they use shields made
of mushrooms, and spears of the stalks of asparagus.
Near them were placed the Cynobalani,f about
five thousand, who were sent by the inhabitants of
Sirius; these were men with dog's heads, and
mounted upon winged acorns: some of their forces
did not arrive in time ; amongst whom there were
to have been some slingers from the Milky-way,
together with the Nephelocentauri; f they indeed
came when the first battle was over, and I wish Ś
they had never come at all: the slingers did not
appear, which, they say, so enraged Phaëton that
he set their city on fire. -
Thus prepared, the enemy began the attack:
the signal being given, and the asses braying on
each side, for such are the trumpeters they make
* Gr. KavXopºxmires, Caulo fungi, stalk and mushroom men.
+ Gr. KvvogáAavov, cani glandacit, acorn-dogs.
† Gr. Nepeñokévravpot, nubicentauri, cloud-centuars. -
§ The reason for this wish is given a little farther on in the
Thistory.
THE TRUE HISTORY. 89
use of on these occasions, the left wing of the
Heliots, unable to sustain the onset of our
Hippogypi, soon gave way, and we pursued them
with great slaughter: their right wing, however,
overcame our left. The Aeroconopes falling upon
us with astonishing force, and advancing even to
our infantry, by their assistance we recovered ; and
they now began to retreat, when they found the
left wing had been beaten. The defeat then
becoming general, many of them were taken
prisoners and many slain; the blood flowed in
such abundance that the clouds were tinged with
it and looked red, just as they appear to us at
sunset ; from thence it distilled through upon
the earth. Some such thing, I suppose, happened
formerly amongst the gods, which made Homer
believe that Jove" rained blood at the death of
Sarpedon. * º
When we returned from our pursuit of the
enemy we set up two trophies; one, on account of
the infantry engagement in the spider's web, and,
another in the clouds, for our battle in the air.
* See Hom. Il II.. 1, 459.
90 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
Thus prosperously everything went on, when our
spies informed us that the Nephelocentaurs, who
should have been with Phaëton before the battle,
were just arrived : they made, indeed, as they
approached towards us, a most formidable appear-
ance, being half winged horses and half men; the
men from the waist upwards, about as big as the
Rhodian Colossus, and the horses of the size of a
common ship of burthen. I have not mentioned
the number of them, which was really so great,
that it would appear incredible : they were com-
manded by Sagittarius,” from the Zodiac. As soon
as they learned that their friends had been defeated
they sent a message to Phaëton to call him back,
whilst they put their forces into order of battle, and
immediately fell upon the Selenites, f who were un-
prepared to resist them, being all employed in the
division of the spoil; they soon put them to flight,
* Some authors tell us that Sagittarius was the same as
, Chiron the centaur; others, that he was Crocus, a famous
hunter, the son of Euphemia, who nursed the Muses, at
whose intercession, he was, after his death, promoted to the
ninth place in the Zodiac, under the name of Sagittarius.
+ The inhabitants of the moon.
THE TRUE HISTORY. 9].
pursued the king quite to his own city, and slew
the greatest part of his birds; they then tore down
the trophies, ran over all the field woven by the
spiders, and seized me and two of my companions.
Phaëton at length coming up, they raised other
trophies for themselves; as for us, we were carried
that very day to the palace of the Sun, our hands
bound behind us by a cord of the spider's web.
The conquerors determined not to besiege the
city of the Moon, but when they returned home,
resolved to build a wall between them and the Sun,
that his rays might not shine upon it; this wall
was double and made of thick clouds, so that
the moon was always eclipsed, and in perpetual
darkness. Endymion, Sorely distressed at these
calamities, sent an embassy, humbly beseeching
them to pull down the wall, and not to leave him
in utter darkness, promising to pay them tribute,
to assist them with his forces, and never more to -
rebel; he sent hostages withal. Phaëton called
two councils on the affair, at the first of which they
were all inexorable, but at the second changed their
opinión; a treaty at length was agreed to on these
conditions:—
92 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
The Heliots” and their allies on one part, make
the following agreement with the Selenites and
their allies on the other —“That the Heliots
shall demolish the wall now erected between them,
that they shall make no irruptions into the
territories of the Moon ; and restore the prisoners
according to certain articles of ransom to be
stipulated concerning them ; that the Selenites
shall permit all the other stars to enjoy their rights
and privileges; that they shall never wage war
with the Heliots, but assist them whenever they
shall be invaded; that the king of the Selenites
shall pay to the king of the Heliots an annual
tribute of ten thousand casks of dew, for the
insurance of which, he shall send ten thousand
hostages; that they shall mutually send out a
colony to the Morning-star, in which, whoever of
either nation shall think proper, may become a
member ; that the treaty shall be inscribed on a
column of amber, in the midst of the air, and on
the borders of the two kingdoms. This treaty
was sworn to on the part of the Heliots, by Pyro-
* A good burlesque on the usual form and style of treaties.
TELE TRUE HISTORY. -- 93.
nides,” and Therites, and Phlogius; and on the
part of the Selenites, by Nyctor, and Menarus,
and Polylampus.”
Such was the peace made between them ; the
wall was immediately pulled down, and we were
set at liberty. When we returned to the Moon,
our companions met and embraced us, shedding
tears of joy, as did Endymion also. He intreated
us to remain there, or to go along with the new
colony; this I could by no means be persuaded to,
but begged he would let us down into the sea. As
he found I could not be prevailed on to stay, after
feasting us most nobly for seven days, he dismissed
UlS.
I will now tell you every thing which I met
with in the Moon that was new and extraordinary.
Amongst them, when a man grows old he does
not die, but dissolves into Smoke and turns to air.
* Gr. IIvpovíðms, ignens, fiery, PAoytos, flaming, Náktop, moc-
turnus, mightly, Mnvaſos, menstruºus, monthly, IIoxvAautis, multi
lucius, many lights. These all make good proper names in
Greek, and soundamagnificently, but do not answer so well in
English. I have therefore preserved the original words in the
translation.
94 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
They all eat the same food, which is frogs roasted
on the ashes from a large fire; of these they have
plenty which fly about in the air, they get together
over the coals, snuff up the scent of them, and this
serves them for victuals. Their drink is air
squeezed into a cup, which produces a kind of dew.
He who is quite bald is esteemed a beauty
amongst them, for they abominate long hair;
whereas, in the comets, it is looked upon as a per-
fection at loadt; so we heard from some strangers
who were speaking of them ; they have, notwith-
standing, small beards a little above the knee ; no
nails to their feet, and only one great toe. They
have honey here which is extremely sharp, and
when they exercise themselves, wash their bodies
with milk; this, mixed with a little of their honey,
makes excellent cheese.* Their oil is extracted
from onions, is very rich, and smells like ointment.
Their wines, which are in great abundance, yield
water, and the grape stones are like hail; I
imagine, indeed, that whenever the wind shakes
* Here Lucian, like other story-tellers, is *little deficient in
point of memory. If they eat, as he tells us, nothing but frogs,
what use could they have for cheese?
THE TRUE HISTORY. 95
their vines and bursts the grape, then comes down
amongst us what we call hail. They make use of
their belly, which they can open and shut as they
please, as a kind of bag, or pouch, to put anything
in they want ; it has no liver or intestines, but is
hairy and warm within, insomuch, that new-born
children, when they are cold, frequently creep into
it. The garments of the rich amongst them are
made of glass, but very soft : the poor have woven
brass, which they have here in great abundance,
and by pouring a little water over it, so manage as
to card it like wool. I am afraid to mention their
eyes, lest, from the incredibility of the thing, you
should not believe me. I must, however, inform
you that they have eyes which they take in and
out whenever they please: so that they can pre-
serve them anywhere till occasion serves, and then
unake use of them ; many who have lost their own,
borrow from others; and there are several rich
men who keep a stock of eyes by them. Their
ears are made of the leaves of plane-trees, except
of those who spring, as I observed to you, from
acorns, these alone have wooden ones. I saw like-
wise another very extraordinary thing in the king's
96 TIRIPS TO THE MOON.
palace, which was a looking-glass that is placed in
a well not very deep; whoever goes down into the
well hears everything that is said upon earth, and
if he looks into the glass, beholds all the cities and
nations of the world as plain as if he was close to
them. I myself saw several of my friends there,
and my whole native country; whether they saw
me also I will not pretend to affirm. He who
does not believe these things, whenever he goes
there will know that T havo said nothing but what
is true. -
To return to our voyage. We took our leave of
the king and his friends, got on board our ship,
and set sail. Endymion made me a present of two
glass robes, two brass ones, and a whole coat of
armour made of lupines, all which I left in the
whale's belly.” He likewise sent with us a
thousand Hippogypi, who escorted us five hundred
stadia. -
We sailed by several places, and at length
reached the new colony of the Morning-star, where
we landed and took in water ; from thence we
* Of which we shall see an account in the next adventure.
THE TRUE HISTORY. 97
steered into the Zodiac ; leaving the Sun on our
left, we passed close by his territory, and would
have gone ashore, many of our companions being
ery desirous of it, but the wind would not permit
1s; we had a view, however, of that region, and
perceived that it was green, fertile, and well-
watered, and abounding in everything necessary
and agreeable. The Nephelocentaurs, who are
mercenaries in the service of Phaëton, saw us and
flew aboard our ship, but, recollecting that we
were included into the treaty, soon departed; the
Hippogypi likewise took their leave of us.
All the next night and day we continued our
course downwards, and towards evening came upon
Lycnopolis:* this city lies between the Pleiades
and the Hyades; and a little below the Zodiac:
we landed, but saw no men, only a number of
lamps running to and fro in the market-place and
round the port : some little ones, the poor, I sup-
pose, of the place; others the rich and great
among them, very large, light, and splendid : every
one had its habitation or candlestick to itself, and
* The city of Lamps.
98 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
its own proper name, as men have. We heard
them speak: they offered us no injury, but in-
vited us in the most hospitable manner; we were
afraid, notwithstanding: neither would any of us
venture to take any food or sleep. The king's
court is in the middle of the city; here he sits all
night, calls every one by name, and if they do not
appear, condemns them to death for deserting their
post; their death is, to be put out ; we stood by
and heard several of them plead their excuses for
non-attendance. Here I found my own lamp,
"talked to him, and asked him how things went on
at home; he told me everything that had hap-
pened. We stayed there one night, and next day
loosing our anchor, sailed off very near the clouds;
where we saw, and greatly admired the city of
Nephelo-coccygia,” but the wind would not permit
us to land. Coromus, the son of Cottiphion, is
king there. I remember Aristophanes,f the poet,
speaks of him, a man of wisdom and veracity, the
truth of whose writings nobody can call in question.
About three days after this, we saw the ocean very
* The cloud cuckoo.
+ See his comedy of the Birds.
THE TRUE HISTORY. 99.
…
plainly, but no land, except those regions which
hang in the air, and which appeared to us all
bright and fiery. The fourth day about noon, the
wind subsiding, we got safe down into the sea.
No sooner did we touch the water, but we were
beyond measure rejoiced. We immediately gave
every man his supper, as much as we could afford,
and afterwards jumped into the sea and swam, for
it was quite calm and serene. -
Tt often happens, that prosperity is the fore-
runner of the greatest misfortunes. We had sailed
but two days in the sea, when early in the morning
of the third, at sun-rise, we beheld on a sudden
several whales, and one amongst them, of a most
enormous size, being not less than fifteen hundred
stadia in length, he came up to us with his mouth
wide open, disturbing the sea for a long way before
him, the waves dashing round on every side; he
whetted his teeth, which looked like so many long
spears, and were white as ivory; we embraced and
took leave of one another, expecting him every
moment; he came near, and swallowed us up at
once, ship and all ; he did not, however, crush us
with his teeth, for the vessel luckily slipped through
100 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
one of the interstices; when we were got in, for
some time it was dark, and we could see nothing;
but the whale happening to gape, we beheld a large
space big enough to hold a city with ten thousand
men in it ; in the middle were a great number of
small fish, several animals cut in pieces, sails and
anchors of ships, men's bones, and all kinds of
merchandise; there was likewise a good quantity
of land and hills, which seemed to have been
formed of the mud which he had swallowed ; there -
was also a wood, with all sorts of trees in it, herbs
of every kind ; everything, in short, seemed to
vegetate ; the extent of this might be about two
hundred and forty stadia. We saw also several
sea-birds, gulls, and kingfishers, making their
nests in the branches. At our first arrival in these
regions, we could not help shedding tears; in a
little time, however, I roused my companions,
and we repaired our vessel; after which, we sat
down to supper on what the place afforded. Fish
of all kinds we had here in plenty, and the re-
mainder of the water which we brought with
us from the Morning star. When we got up the
next day, as often as the whale gaped, we could
THE TRUE HISTORY. 101
see mountains and islands, sometimes only the sky,
and plainly perceived by our motion that he
travelled through the Sea at a great rate, and
seemed to visit every part of it. At length, when
our abode become familiar to us, I took with me.
seven of my companions, and advanced into the
wood in order to see everything I could possibly;
we had not gone above five stadia, before we met
with a temple dedicated to Neptune, as we learned
by the inscription on it, and a little farther on,
several sepulchres, monumental stones, and a
fountain of clear water ; we heard the barking of
a dog, and seeing smoke at some distance from
us, concluded there must be some habitation not
far off; we got on as fast as we could, and saw
an old man and a boy very busy in cultivating a
little garden, and watering it from a fountain;
we were both pleased and terrified at the sight, and
they, as you may suppose, on their part not less
affected, stood fixed in astonishment and could
not speak : after some time, however, “Who are
you?” said the old man; “and whence come ye? are
you daemons of the sea, or unfortunate men, like
ourselves" for such we are, born and bred on land,
102 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
though now inhabitants of another element ;
swimming along with this great creature, who
carries us about with him, not knowing what is to
become of us, or whether we are alive or dead.”
To which I replied, “We, father, are men as you
are, and but just arrived here, being swallowed up,
together with our ship, but three days ago; we
came this way to see what the wood produced, for
it seemed large and full of trees; some good
genius led ns towards you, and we have the
happiness to find we are not the only poor
creatures shut up in this great monster; but give
us an account of your adventures, let us know who
you are, and how you came here.” He would not
however, tell us anything himself, or ask us any
questions, till he had performed the rites of
hospitality ; he took us into his house, therefore,
where he had got beds, and made everything very
commodious; here he presented us with herbs,
fruit, fish, and wine : and when we were satisfied,
began to inquire into our history; when I ac-
quainted him with everything that had happened
to us ; the storm we met with ; our adventures in
the island; our sailing through the air, the war,
TEIE TRTUE HISTORY. 103
&c., from our first Setting out, even to our descent
into the whale's belly.
He expressed his astonishment at what had
befallen us, and then told us his own story, which
was as follows:—“Strangers,” said he, “I am a
Cyprian by birth, and left my country to merchan-
dise with this youth, who is my son, and several
servants. We sailed to Italy with goods of various
kinds, some of which you may, perhaps, have seen
in the mouth of the whale ; we came as far as -
Sicily with a prosperous gale, when a violent tem-
pest arose, and we were tossed about in the ocean
for three days, where we were swallowed up, men,
ship and all, by the whale, only we two remaining
alive ; after burying our companions we built a
temple to Neptune, and here we have lived ever
since, cultivating our little garden, raising herbs,
and eating fish or fruit. The wood, as you see, is
very large, and produces many vines, from which
we have excellent wine; there is likewise a
fountain, which perhaps you have observed, of
fresh and very cold water. We make our bed of
leaves, have fuel sufficient, and catch a great many
birds and live fish. Getting out upon the gills of
104 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
the whale, there we wash ourselves when we please.
There is a salt lake, about twenty stadia round,
which produces fish of all kinds, and where we row
about in a little boat which we built on purpose.
It is now seven-and-twenty years since we were
swallowed up. Everything here, indeed, is very
tolerable, except our neighbours, who are disagree-
able, troublesome, savage, and unsociable.” “And
are there more,” replied I, “besides ourselves in
the whale | * “A great many,” said lie, “and
those very unhospitable, and of a most horrible
appearance : towards the tail, on the western parts
of the wood, live the Tarichanes,” a people with
eel's eyes, and faces like crabs, bold, warlike, and
that live upon raw flesh. On the other side, at
the right hand wall, are the Tritonomendetes, f in
their upper parts men, and in the lower resembling
weasels. On the left are the Carcinochires,; and
the Thynnocephali,Swho have entered into a league
* Salsamentari: ; Salt-fish-men.
+ Triton-weasels.
† Greek, Kapkºvápetxes, cancri-mani, crab's hands.
§ Thymno-cipites, tunny-heads, i.e., men with heads like
those of the tunny-fish.
THE TRUE HISTORY. 105
offensive and defensive with each other. The
middle part is occupied by the Paguradae,” and the
Psittopodes,f a warlike nation, and remarkably
swift-footed. The eastern parts, near the whale's
mouth, being washed by the sea, are most of them
uninhabited. I have some of these, however, on
condition of paying an annual tribute to the Psitti-
podes of five hundred oysters. Such is the situa-
tion of this country; our difficulty is how to oppose
so many people, and find sustenance for ourselves.”
“How many may there be?” said I. “More than
a thousand,” said he. “And what are their arms!”
“Nothing,” replied he, “but fish-bones.” “Then,”
said I, “we had best go to war with them, for we
have arms and they none ; if we conquer them we
shall live without fear for the future.” This was
immediately agreed upon, and, as soon as we re-
turned to our ship, we began to prepare. The
cause of the war was to be the non-payment of the
tribute, which was just now becoming due: they
sent to demand it ; he returned a contemptuous
answer to the messengers : the Psittopodes and
* Greek, trayoſpaşov, crab-men. .
‘F Wºrtótočes, Sparrow-footed, from Järra, passer marinus.
106 TRIPs To THE Moon.
Paguradae were both highly enraged, and imme-
diately fell upon Scintharus (for that was the old
man's name), in a most violent manner.
We, expecting to be attacked, sent out a detach-
ment of five-and-twenty men, with orders to lie
concealed till the enemy was past, and then to rise
upon them, which they did, and cut off their rear.
We, in the meantime, being likewise five-and-
twenty in number, with the old man and his Son,
wailed their UUIlling up, uſel, alld engaged them
with no little danger, till at length they fled, and
"we pursued them even into their trenches. Of the
enemy there fell an hundred and twenty ; we lost
only one, our pilot, who was run through by the
rib of a mullet. That day, and the night after it,
we remained on the field of battle, and erected the
dried backbone of a dolphin as a trophy. Next
day some other forces, who had heard of the en-
gagement, arrived, and made head against us; the
Tarichanes, under the command of Pelamus, in the
right wing, the Thynnocephali on the left, and the
Carcinochires in the middle ; the Tritonomendetes
remained neutral, not choosing to assist either
party : we came round upon all the rest by the
THE TRUE HISTORY. 107
temple of Neptune, and with a hideous cry rushed
upon them. As they were unarmed, we soon put
them to flight, pursued them into the wood, and
took possession of their territory. They sent
ambassadors a little while after to take away their
dead, and propose terms of peace; but we would
hear of no treaty, and attacking them the next day,
obtained a complete victory, and cut them all off,
except the Tritonomendetes, who, informed of what
had passed, ran away up to the whale's gills, and
from thence threw themselves into the sea. The
country being now cleared of all enemies, we
rambled through it, and from that time remained
without fear, used what exercise we pleased, went
a-hunting, pruned our vines, gathered our fruit,
and lived, in short, in every respect like men put
together in a large prison, which there was no es-
caping from, but where they enjoy everything they
can wish for in ease and freedom ; such was our
way of life for a year and eight months.
On the fifteenth day of the ninth month, about
the second opening of the whale's mouth (for this
he did once every hour, and by that we calculated
our time), we were surprised by a sudden noise,
108 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
like the clash of Oars; being greatly alarmed, we
crept up into the whale's mouth, where, standing
between his teeth, we beheld one of the most
astonishing spectacles that was ever seen ; men of
an immense size, each of them not less than half a
stadium in length, sailing on islands like boats. I
know what I am saying is incredible, I shall pro-
ceed, notwithstanding : these islands were long,
but not very high, and about a hundred stadia in
circumference ; there were about eight-and-twenty
of these men in each of them, besides the rowers
on the sides, who rowed with large cypresses, with
their branches and leaves on ; in the stern stood a
pilot raised on an eminence and guiding a brazen
helm ; on the forecastle were forty immense
creatures resembling men, except in their hair,
which was all a flame of fire, so that they had no
occasion for helmets; these were armed, and fought
most furiously ; the wind rushing in upon the wood,
which was in every one of them, swelled it like a
sail and drove them on, according to the pilot's
direction; and thus, like so many long ships, the
islands, by the assistance of the oars, also moved
with great velocity. At first we saw only two or
THE TRUE HISTORY. 109
three, but afterwards there appeared above six
hundred of them, which immediately engaged;
many were knocked to pieces by running against
each other, and many sunk ; others were wedged
in close together and, not able to get asunder,
fought desperately ; those who were near the
prows showed the greatest alacrity, boarding each
other's ships, and making terrible havoc ; none,
however, were taken prisoners. For grappling-
irons they made use of large sharks chained to-
gether, who laid hold of the wood and kept the
island from moving : they threw oysters at one
another, one of which would have filled a waggon,
and sponges of an acre long. Æolocentaurus was
admiral of one of the fleets, and Thalassopotes” of
the other : they had quarrelled, it seems, about
some booty ; Thalassopotes, as it was reported,
having driven away a large tribe of dolphins be-
longing to Æolocentaurus: this we picked up from
their own discourse, when we heard them mention
the names of their commanders. At length the
forces of Æolocentaurus prevailed, and sunk about
* Maris potor, the drinker up of the sea. Åolocentaurus
and Thalassopotes were, I suppose, two Leviathans.
110 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
a hundred and fifty of the islands of the enemy,
and taking three more with the men in them : the
rest took to their oars and fled. The conquerors.
pursued them a little way, and in the evening
returned to the wreck, seizing the remainder of
the enemy's vessels, and getting back some of
their own, for they had themselves lost no less
than fourscore islands in the engagement. They
erected a trophy for this victory, hanging one of
the conquered islands on the head of the whale,
which they fastened their hawsers to, and casting
anchor close to him, for they had anchors im-
mensely large and strong, spent the night there :
in the morning, after they had returned thanks, and
sacrificed on the back of the whale, they buried
their dead, sung their To Paeans, and sailed off.
Such was the battle of the islands.
THE TRUE HISTORY. 11]
BOOK II.
FROM this time our abode in the whale growing
rather tedious and disagreeable, not able to bear it
any longer, I began to think within myself how we
might make our escape. My first scheme was to
undermine the right-hand wall and get out there;
and accordingly we began to cut away, but after
getting through about five stadia, and finding it
was to no purpose, we left off digging, and deter-
mined to set fire to the wood, which we imagined
would destroy the whale, and secure us a safe
retreat. We began, therefore, by burning the
parts near his tail ; for seven days and nights he
never felt the heat, but on the eighth we perceived
he grew sick, for he opened his mouth very seldom,
and when he did, shut it again immediately ; on
the tenth and the eleventh he declined visibly, and
began to stink a little; on the twelfth it occurred
to us, which we had never thought of before, that
unless, whilst he was gaping, somebody could prop
up his jaws, to prevent his closing them, we were
112 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
in danger of being shut up in the carcase, and
perishing there : we placed some large beams,
therefore, in his mouth, got our ship ready, and
took in water, and everything necessary: Scintharus
was to be our pilot : the next day the whale died ;
we drew our vessel through the interstices of his
teeth, and let her down from thence into the sea :
then, getting on the whale's back, sacrificed to
Neptune, near the spot where the trophy was
erected. Here we stayed three days, it being a
dead calm, and on the fourth set sail; we struck
upon several bodies of the giants that had been
slain in the sea-fight, and measured them with the
greatest astonishment : for some days we had very
mild and temperate weather, but the north-wind
arising, it grew so extremely cold, that the whole
sea was froze up, not on the surface only, but three
or four hundred feet deep, so that we got out and
walked on the ice. The frost being so intense that
we could not bear it, we put in practice the follow-
ing scheme, which Scintharus put us in the head
of: we dug a cave in the ice, where we remained
for thirty days, lighting a fire, and living upon the
fish which we found in it ; but, our provisions
THE TRUE HISTORY. 113
failing, we were obliged to loosen our ship which
was stuck fast in, and hoisting a sail, slid along
through the ice with an easy pleasant motion; on
the fifth day from that time, it grew warm, the ice.
broke, and it was all water again. *
After sailing about three hundred stadia, we fell
in upon a little deserted island; here we took in
water, for ours was almost gone, killed with our
arrows two wild oxen, and departed. These oxen
had horns, not on their heads, but, as Momus
seemed to wish, under their eyes. A little beyond
this, we got into a sea, not of water, but of milk ;
and upon it we saw an island full of vines; this
whole island was one compact well-made cheese, as
We afterwards experienced by many a good meal,
which we made upon it, and is in length five-and-
twenty stadia. The vines have grapes upon them,
which yield not wine, but milk. In the middle of
the island was a temple to the Nereid* Galataea, as
appeared by an inscription on it : as long as we
* One of the fifty Nereids, or Sea-Nymphs ; so called, on
account of the fairness of her skin: from yaxa gala, milk; of
the milky island, therefore, she was naturally the presiding
deity.
114 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
stayed there, the land afforded us victuals to eat,
and the vines supplied us with milk to drink.
Tyroº, the daughter of Salmonéus, we were told,
was queen of it, Neptune having, after her death,
conferred that dignity upon her.
We stopped five days on this island, and on the
sixth set sail with a small breeze, which gently
agitated the waves, and on the eighth, changed our
milky sea for a green and briny one, where we saw
a great number of men running hackwards and
forwards, resembling ourselves in every part, except
the feet, which were all of cork, whence, I suppose,
they are called Phellopodest. We were surprised
to see them not sinking, but rising high above the
waves, and making their way without the least
fear or apprehension ; they came up to, and ad-
dressed us in the Greek tongue, telling us they
* Tyro, according to Homer, fell in love with the famous
river Enipeus, and was always wandering on its banks, where
Neptune found her, covered her with his waves, and throwing
her into a deep sleep, supplied the place of Enipeus. Lucian has
made her amends, by bestowing one of his imaginary kingdoms
upon her. His part of the story, however, is full as probable
as the rest.
† Suberipedes, cork-footed.
THE TRUE HISTORY. 115
were going to Phello, their native country; they
accompanied us a good way, and then taking their
leave, wished us a good voyage. A little after we
saw several islands, amongst which, to the left of
us, stood Phello, to which these men were going, a
city built in the middle of a large round cork ;
towards the right hand, and at a considerable dis.
tance, were many others, very large and high, On
which we saw a prodigious large fire : fronting the
prow of our ship, we had a view of one very broad
and flat, and which seemed to be about five hundred
stadia off; as we approached near to it, a sweet
and odoriferous air came round us, such as Hero-
dotus tells us blows from Arabia Felix ; from the
rose, the narcissus, the hyacinth, the lily, the violet,
the myrtle, the laurel, and the vine. Refreshed
with these delightful odours, and in hopes of being.
at last rewarded for our long sufferings, we came
close up to the island; here we beheld several safe
and spacious harbours, with clear transparent rivers
rolling placidly into the sea ; meadows, woods, and
birds of all kinds, chanting melodiously on the
shore; and, on the trees, the soft and sweet air
fanming the branches on every side, which sent
116 - TRIPs To THE MOON.
forth a soft, harmonious sound, like the playing on
a flute ; at the same time we heard a noise, not of
riot or tumult, but a kind of joyful and convivial
sound, as of some playing on the lute or harp, with
others joining in the chorus, and applauding them.
We cast anchor and landed, leaving our ship in
the harbour with Scintharus and two more of our
companions. As we were walking through a
meadow full of flowers, we met the guardians of
the isle, who, immediately chaining us with.
manacles of roses, for these are their only fetters,
conducted us to their king. From these we
learned, on our journey, that this place was called
the Island of the Blessed,” and was governed by
Rhadamanthus. We were carried before him, and
he was sitting that day as judge to try some
causes; ours was the fourth in order. The first
was that of Ajax Telamonius,f to determine
* This description of the Pagan Elysium, or Island of the
Blessed, is well drawn, and abounds in fanciful and picturesque
imagery, interspersed with strokes of humour and satire. The
second book is, indeed, throughout, more entertaining and
better written than the first.
+ See the Ajax Flagellifer of Sophocles. Lucian humor-
TEIE TRUE HISTORY. i 117
whether he was to rank with the heroes or not.
The accusation ran that he was mad, and had
made an end of himself. Much was said on both
sides. At length Rhadamanthus pronounced that
he should be consigned to the care of Hippocrates,
and go through a course of hellebore, after which
he might be admitted to the Symposium. The
second was a love affair, to decide whether Theseus
or Menelaus should possess Helen in these regions;
and the decree of Rhadamanthus was, that she
should live with Menelaus, who had undergone so
many difficulties and dangers for her ; besides, .
that Theseus had other women, the Amazonian
lady and the daughters of Minos. The third cause
was a point of precedency between Alexander the
son of Philip, and Hannibal the Carthaginian,
which was given in favour of Alexander, who was
placed on a throne next to the elder Cyrus, the
Persian. Our cause came on the last. The king
asked us how we dared to enter, alone as we were,
into that sacred abode. We told him everything
that had happened ; he commanded us to retire,
ously degrades him from the character of a hero, and gives
him hellebore as a madman.
118 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
and consulted with the assessors concerning us.
There were many in council with him, and amongst
them Aristides, the just Athenian, and pursuant to
his opinion it was determined that we should
suffer the punishment of our bold curiosity after
our deaths, but at present might remain in the
island for a certain limited time, associate with the
heroes, and then depart; this indulgence was not
to exceed seven months.
At this instant our chains, if so they might be
called, dropped off, and we were left at liberty to
range over the city, and to partake of the feast of
the blessed. The whole city was of gold,” and the
walls of emerald; the seven gates were all made -
out of one trunk of the cinnamon-tree; the pave-
ment, within the walls, of ivory ; the temples of
the gods were of beryl, and the great altars, on
which they offered the hecatombs, all of one large
amethyst. Round the city flowed a river of the
most precious ointment, a hundred cubits in
breadth, and deep enough to swim in ; the baths
* It is not improbable but that Voltaire's El Dorado in his
“Candide,” might have been suggested to him by this
passage.
THE TRUE HISTORY. 119
are large houses of glass perfumed with cinnamon,
and instead of water filled with warm dew. For
clothes they wear spider's webs, very fine, and of
a purple colour. They have no bodies, but only
the appearance of them, insensible to the touch,
and without flesh, yet they stand, taste, move, and
speak. Their souls seem to be naked, and
separated from them, with only the external simili-
tude of a body, and unless you attempt to touch,
you can scarce believe but they have one ; they are
a kind of upright shadows,” only not black. In
this place nobody ever grows old : at whatever age
they enter here, at that they always remain. They
have no night nor bright day, but a perpetual twi-
light ; one equal season reigns throughout the
year; it is always spring with them, and no wind
blows but Zephyrus. The whole region abounds
in sweet flowers and shrubs of every kind ; their
* I.e. Their appearance is exactly like that of shadows made
by the sun at noonday, with this only difference, that one lies
flat on the ground, the other is erect, and one is dark, the
other light or diaphanous. Our vulgar idea of ghosts,
especially with regard to their not being tangible, corresponds
with this of Lucian's.
120 TT.I.PS TO THE MOON.
vines bear twelve times in the year, yielding fruit
every month, their apples, pomegranates, and the
rest of Gur autumnal produce, thirteen times,
bearing twice in the month of Minos. Instead of
corn the fields bring forth loaves of ready-made
bread, like mushrooms. There are three hundred
and sixty-five fountains of water round the city,
as many of honey, and five hundred rather smaller
of sweet-scented oil, besides seven rivers of milk
and eight of wine.
Their symposia are held in a place without the
city, which they call the Elysian Field. This is a
most beautiful meadow, skirted by a large and
thick wood, affording an agreeable shade to the
guests, who repose on couches of flowers; the
winds attend upon and bring them everything
necessary, except wine, which is otherwise pro-
vided, for there are large trees on every side made
of the finest glass, the fruit of which are cups of
various shapes and sizes. Whoever comes to the
entertainment gathers one or more of these cups,
which immediately becomes full of wine, and so
they drink of it, whilst the nightingales and other
birds of song, with their bills peck the flowers out
THE TRUE HISTORY. 121
of the neighbouring fields, and drop them on their
heads; thus are they crowned with perpetual gar-
lands. Their manner of perfuming them is this.
The clouds suck up the scented oils from the
fountains and rivers, and the winds gently fanning
them, distil it like soft dew on those who are as-
sembled there. At supper they have music also,
and singing, particularly the verses of Homer, who
is himself generally at the feast, and sits next
above Ulysses, with a chorus of youths and virgins.
He is led in accompanied by Eunomus the
Docrian,” Arion of Lesbos, Anacreon, and Ste-
sichorus, f whom I saw there along with them, and
who at length is reconciled to Helen. When they
have finished their songs, another chorus begins of
|
* A famous musician. Clemens Alexandrinus gives us a full
account of him, to whom I refer the curious reader.
+ This poet, we are told, wrote some severe verses on Helen,
for which he was punished by Castor and Pollux with loss of
sight, but on making his recantation in a palinodia, his eyes
were graciously restored to him. Lucian has affronted her
still more grossly by making her run away with Cinyrus; but
he, we are to suppose, being not over superstitious, defied the
power of Castor and Pollux.
E22 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
swans,” swallows, and nightingales, and to these
succeeds the sweet rustling of the zephyrs, that
whistle through the woods and close the concert.
What most contributes to their happiness is, that
near the symposium are two fountains, the one of
milk, the other of pleasure; from the first they
drink at the beginning of the feast ; there is nothing
afterwards but joy and festivity.
I will now tell you what men of renown I met
with there. And first there were all the demi-
gods, and all the heroes that fought at Troy except
Ajax the Locrian, f who alone, it seems, was con-
demned to suffer for his crimes in the habitations
of the wicked. Then there were of the barbarians
both the Cyruses, Anacharsis the Scythian,
* Nothing appears more ridiculous to a modern reader than
the perpetual encomiums on the musical merit of Swans and
swallows, which we meet with in all the writers of antiquity.
A proper account and explanation of this is, I think, amongst
the desiderata of literature. There is an entertaining tract on
this subject in the “Hist. de l'Acad.” tom. v., by M. Morin.
+ Who ravished Cassandra, the daughter of Priam and
priestess of Minerva, who sent a tempest, dispersed the
Grecian navy in their return home, and sunk Ajax with a
thunder-bolt. -
THE TRUE HISTORY. 123,
Zamolxis of Thrace,” and Numa the Italian ; #
besides these I met with Lycurgus the Spartan,
Phocion and Tellus of Athens, and all the wise
men except Periander. I saw also Socrates, the
son of Sophroniscus, prating with Nestor and
Palamedes; near him were Hyacinthus of Sparta,
Narcissus the Thespian, Hylas, and several other
beauties: he seemed very fond of Hyacinthus.
Some things were laid to his charge : it was even
reported that Rhadamanthus was very angry with
him, and threatened to turn him out of the island
if he continued to play the fool, and would not
leave off his irony and sarcasm. Of all the philo-
sophers, Platoš alone was not to be found there, but .
it seems he lived in a republic of his own building,
and which was governed by laws framed by him-
self. Aristippus and Epicurus were in the highest
esteem here as the most polite, benevolent, and
* A scholar of Pythagoras.
+ The second king of Rome.
3: One of the seven sages, but excepted against by Lucian,
because he was king of Corinth and a tyrant.
§ See his Treatise “de Republica.” His quitting Elysium,
to live in his own republic, is a stroke of true humour.
124 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
convivial of men. Even Æsop the Phrygian was
here, whom they made use of by way of buffoon.
Diogenes of Sinope had so wonderfully changed
his manners in this place, that he married Lais the
harlot, danced and sang, got drunk, and played a
thousand freaks. Not one Stoic did I see amongst
them ; they, it seems, were not yet got up to the
top of the high hill” of virtue ; and as to Chrysip-
pus, we were told that he was not to enter the
island till he had taken a fourth dose of hellebore.
The Academicians, we heard, were very desirous
of coming here, but they stood doubting and de-
liberating about it, neither were they quite certain
whether there was such a place as Elysium or not ;
perhaps they were afraid of Rhadamanthus's judg-
ment f on them, as decisive judgments are what they
would never allow. Many of them, it is reported,
followed those who were coming to the island, but
being too lazy to proceed, turned back when they
were got half way. -
Such were the principal persons whom I met
* Alluding to a passage in Hesiod already quoted.
+ Lucian laughs at the sceptics, though he was himself one
of them.
THE TRUE HISTORY. 125
with here. Achilles is had in the greatest honour
among them, and next to him Theseus.
Two or three days after my arrival I met with
the poet Homer, and both of us being quite at
leisure, asked him several questions, and amongst
the rest where he was born, that, as I informed
him, having been long a matter of dispute amongst
us. We were very ignorant indeed, he said, for
some had made him a Chian, others a native of
Smyrna, others of Colophon, but that after all he
was a Babylonian, and amongst them was called
Tigranes, though, after being a hostage in Greece,
they had changed his name to Homer. I then
asked him about those of his verses which are re-
jected as spurious, and whether they were his or
not. He said they were all his own, which made
me laugh at the nonsense of Zenodotus and Aris-
tarchus the grammarians. I then asked him how
he came to begin his “Iliad" with the wrath of
Achilles; he said it was all by chance. I desired
likewise to know whether, as it was generally re-
ported, he wrote the “Odyssey” before the “Iliad.”
Hé said, no. It is commonly said he was blind,
but I soon found he was not so ; for he made use
126 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
of his eyes and looked at me, so that I had no
reason to ask him that question. Whenever I
found him disengaged, I took the opportunity of
conversing with him, and he very readily entered
into discourse with me, especially after the victory
which he obtained over Thersites, who had accused
him of turning him into ridicule in some of his
verses. The cause was heard before Rhadaman-
thus, and Homer came off victorious. Ulysses
ploaded for him.
I met also Pythagoras the Samian, who arrived
in these regions after his soul had gone a long
round in the bodies of several animals, having
been changed seven times. All his right side was
of gold, and there was some dispute whether he
should be called Pythagoras or Euphorbus. Em-
pedocles came likewise, who looked sodden and
roasted all over. He desired admittance, but
though he begged hard for it, was rejected.
A little time after the games came on, which
they call here Thanatusia.” Achilles presided for
the fifth time, and Theseus for the seventh. A
* Death-games, or games after death, in imitation of
wedding-games, funeral-games, etc.
THE TRUE HISTORY. 127
narrative of the whole would be tedious ; I shall
only, therefore, recount a few of the principal cir-
cumstances in the wrestling match. Carus, a de-
scendant of Hercules, conquered Ulysses at the
boxing match; Areus the Egyptian, who was
buried at Corinth, and Epeus contended, but
neither got the victory. The Pancratia was not
proposed amongst them. In the race I do not
remember who had the superiority. In poetry
Homer was far beyond them all ; Hesiod, however,
got a prize. The reward to all was a garland of
peacock's feathers.
When the games were over word was brought
that the prisoners in Tartarus had broken loose,
overcome the guard, and were proceeding to take
possession of the island under the command of
*
Phalaris the Agrigentine, " Busiris of Egypt, f
* The famous tyrant of Agrigentum, renowned for his in-
genious contrivance of roasting his enemies in a brazen bull,
and not less memorable for some excellent epistles, which set
a wit and scholar together by the ears concerning the genuine-
ness of them. See the famous contest between Bentley and
Boyle.
‘i Who sacrificed to Jupiter all the strangers that came into
his kingdom. “Hospites violabat,” says Seneca, “ut eorum
128 n TRIPS TO THE MOON.
Diomede the Thracian,” Scyron, f and Pityo-
camptes. As soon as Rhadamanthus heard of it
he despatched the heroes to the shore, conducted
by Theseus, Achilles, and Ajax Telamonius, who
was now returned to his senses. A battle ensued,
wherein the heroes were victorious, owing princi-
pally to the valour of Achilles. Socrates, who
was placed in the right wing, behaved much better
than he had done at Delius i in his life-time, for
when the enemy approachod hc never ſled, nor so
much as turned his face about. He had a very
extraordinary present made him as the reward of
his courage, no less than a fine spacious garden
near the city ; here he summoned his friends and
disputed, calling the place by the name of the
Academy of the Dead. They then bound the
sanguine pluviam eliceret, cujus penuria AEgyptus movem
annis laboraverat.” A most ingenious contrivance.
* A king of Thrace who fed his horses with human flesh.
tº Scyron and Pityocamptes were two famous robbers, who
used to seize on travellers and commit the most horrid
cruelties upon them. They were slain by Theseus. See
Plutarch’s “Life of Theseus.”
# Where he ran away, but, as we are told, in very good
company. See Diog, Laert, Strabo, etc.
THE TRUE HISTORY. 129
prisoners and sent them back to Tartarus, to suffer
double punishment. Homer wrote an account of
this battle, and gave it me to show it to our people
when I went back, but I lost it afterwards,
together with a great many other things. It
began thus—
“Sing, Muse, the battles of the heroes dead——”
The campaign thus happily finished, they made an
entertainment to celebrate the victory, which, as
is usual amongst them, was a bean-feast. Pytha-
goras alone absented himself on that day, and
fasted, holding in abomination the wicked custom,
of eating beans.
Six months had now elapsed, when a new and
extraordinary affair happened. Cinyrus, the son.
of Scintharus, a tall, well-made, handsome youth,
fell in love with Helen, and she no less desperately
with him. They were often nodding and drinking
to one another at the public feasts, and would
frequently rise up and walk out together alone into
the wood. The violence of his passion, joined to
the impossibility of possessing her any other way,
* 130 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
put Cinyrus on the resolution of running away
with her. She imagined that they might easily
get off to some of the adjacent islands, either to
Phellus or Tyroessa. He selected three of the
bravest of our crew to accompany them ; never
mentioning the design to his father, who he knew
would never consent to it, but the first favourable
opportunity, put it in execution; and one night
when I was not with them (for it happened that
I stayed late at the feast, and slept there) carried
her off.
Menelaus, rising in the middle of the night,
and perceiving that his wife was gone, made
a dreadful noise about it, and, taking his brother
along with him, proceeded immediately to the
king's palace. At break of day the guards 'in-
formed him that they had seen a vessel a good
distance from land. He immediately put fifty
heroes on board a ship made out of one large piege
of the asphodelus, with orders to pursue them.
They made all the sail they possibly could, and
about noon came up with and seized on them, just
as they were entering into the Milky Sea, close to
Tyroessa; so near were they to making their
THE TRUE HISTORY. 131
escape. The pursuers threw a rosy chain over
the vessel and brought her home again. Helen
began to weep, blushed, and hid her face. Rhada-
manthus asked Cinyrus and the rest of them
if they had any more accomplices: they told
him they had none. He then ordered them to
be chained, whipped with mallows, and sent to
Tartarus.
It was now determined that we should stay no
longer on the island than the time limited, and
the very next day was fixed for our departure.
This gave me no little concern, and I wept to
think I must leave so many good things, and be
once more a warsderer. They endeavoured to ad
minister consolation to me by assuring me that in
a few years I should return to them again; they
even pointed out the seat that should be allotted
to me, and which was near the best and worthiest
inhabitants of these delightful mansions. I ad-
dressed myself to Rhadamanthus, and humbly en-
treated him to inform me of my future fate, and
let me know beforehand whether I should travel.
He told me that, after many toils and dangers, I
should at last return in safety to my native
132 * TIRIPS TO THE MOON.
country, but would not point out the time when.
He then showed me the neighbouring islands, five
of which appeared near to me, and a sixth at a
distance. “Those next to you,” said he, “where you
See a great fire burning, are the habitations of the
wicked ; the sixth is the city of dreams; behind
that lies the island of Calypso, which you cannot
see yet. When you get beyond these you will
come to a large tract of land inhabited by those
who live on the side of the earth directly opposite
to you,” there you will suffer many things, wander
through several nations, and meet with some very
savage and unsociable people, and at length get
into another region.”
Having said thus, he took a root of mallow out
of the earth, and putting it into my hand, bade me
remember, when I was in any danger, to call upon
that ; and added, moreover, that if, when I came
to the Antipodes, I took care “never to stir the
* The Antipodes. We never heard whether Lucian per-
formed this voyage. D'Ablancourt, however, his French
translator, in his continuation of the “True History,” has done
it for him, not without some humour, though it is by no means
equal to the original.
THE TRUE HISTORY. 133
fire with a sword, and never to eat lupines,” I
might have hopes of returning to the Island of the
Blessed.
I then got everything ready for the voyage,
supped with, and took my leave of them. Next
day, meeting Homer, I begged him to make me a
couple of verses for an inscription, which he did,
and I fixed them on a little column of beryl, at the
mouth of the harbour; the inscription was as
follows:
“Dear to the gods, and favourite of heaven,
Here Lucian lived : to him alone 'twas given,
Well pleased these happy regions to explore,
And back returning, seek his native shore.”
I stayed that day, and the next set sail; the
heroes attending to take their leave of us ; when
Ulysses, unknown to Penelope, slipped a letter
into my hand for Calypso, at the island of Ogygia.
Rhadamanthus was so obliging as to send with us
Nauplius the pilot, that, if we stopped at the
neighbouring islands, and they should lay hold on
us, he might acquaint them that we were only on
our passage to another place.
134 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
As soon as we got out of the sweet-scented air,
we came into another that smelt of asphaltus,
pitch, and sulphur burning together, with a most
intolerable stench, as of burned carcases: the
whole element above us was dark and dismal,
distilling a kind of pitchy dew upon our heads ;
we heard the sound of stripes, and the yellings of
men in torment.
We saw but one of these islands; that which we
landed on I will give you some description of
Every part of it was steep and filthy, abound-
ing in rocks and rough mountains. We crept
along, over precipices full of thorns and briers,
and, passing through a most horrid country,
came to the dungeon, and place of punishment,
which we beheld with an admiration full of
horror : the ground was strewed with swords and
prongs, and close to us were three rivers, one of
miré, another of blood, and another of fire, im-
mense and impassable, that flowed in torrents, and
rolled like waves in the sea ; it had many fish in
it, some like torches, others resembling live coals;
which they called lychnisci. There is but one
entrance into the three rivers, and at the mouth of
THE TRUE EIISTORY. 135°
them stood, as porter, Timon of Athens. By the
assistance, however, of Our guide, Nauplius, we
proceeded, and saw several punished,” as well
kings as private persons, and amongst these some
of our old acquaintance ; we saw Cinyrus,f hung.
up and roasting there. Our guides gave us the
history of several of them, and told us what they
were punished for ; those, we observed, suffered
most severely who in their lifetimes had told lies,
or written what was not true, amongst whom were
Ctesias the Cnidian, Herodotus, and many others.
When I saw these I began to conceive good hopes
of hereafter, as I am not conscious of ever having
told a story. w
Not able to bear any longer such melancholy
spectacles, we took our leave of Nauplius, and re-
turned to our ship. In a short time after we had:
a view, but confused and indistinct, of the Island:
of Dreams, which itself was not unlike a dream,
* Voltaire has improved on this passage, and given us as
very humorous account of “les Habitans de l'Enfer,” in his
wicked ‘‘Pucelle.” *-
† Who, the reader will remember, had just before run off
with Helen.
136 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
for as we approached towards it, it seemed as it
were to retire and fly from us. At last, however,
we got up to it, and entered the harbour, which is
called Hypnus,” near the ivory gates, where there
is a harbour dedicated to the cock.f. We landed
late in the evening, and saw several dreams of
various kinds. I propose, however, at present, to
give you an account of the place itself, which no-
bedy has ever written about, except Homer, whose
description is very imperfect.
Bound the island is a very thick wood; the
trees are all tall poppies, or mandragorae, in which
are a great number of bats; for these are the only
birds they have here; there is likewise a river
which they call Nyctiporus, Š and round the gates
* Greek, Ümwos, sleep.
+ As herald of the morn.
†: A root which, infused, is supposed to promote sleep, con
sequently very proper for the Island of Dreams.
“Not poppy, nor mandragora,
Nor all the drowsy syrups of the East,
Shall ever medicine thee to that sweet sleep
Which thou ow’dst yesterday.”
See Shakespeare’s “Othello.”
§ Night wanderer.
THE TRUE HISTORY. 137
two fountains: the name of one is Negretos,” and
of the other Pannychia. Í The city has a high
wall, of all the colours of the rainbow. It has not
two gates, as Homeri tells us, but four, two of
which look upon the plain of Indolence, one made
of iron, the other of brick ; through these are said
to pass all the dreams that are frightful, bloody,
and melancholy ; the other two, fronting the sea
and harbour, one of horn, the other, which we
came through, of ivory; on the right hand, as you
enter the city, is the temple of Night, who, together
with the cock, is the principal object of worship
amongst them. This is near the harbour; on the
left is the palace of Somnus, for he is their
sovereign, and under him are two viceroys,
* Gr, veypºros, inexperrectus, unwaked or wakeful.
+ Gr. travviſza, permoſc, all night.
: “Two portals firm the various phantoms keep ;
Of ev'ry one ; whence flit, to mock the brain,
Of wingéd lies a light fantastic train;
The gate opposed pellucid valves adorn,
And columns fair, encased with polished horn;
Where images of truth for passage wait.”
See Pope's Homer's “Odyssey,” bk. xix., 1.637.
See also Virgil, who has pretty closely imitated his master.
128 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
Taraxion,” the son of Mataeogenes, and Plutocles, T
the son of Phantasion. In the middle of the
market-place stands a fountain, which they call
Careotis, Î and two temples of Truth and Falsehood;
there is an oracle here, at which Antiphon presides
as high-priest ; he is inventor of the dreams, an
honourable employment, which Somnus bestowed
upon him.
The dreams themselves are of different kinds,
some long, beautiful, and pleasant, others little
and ugly ; there are likewise some golden ones,
others poor and mean ; some winged and of an
immense size, others tricked out as it were for
pomps and ceremonies, for gods and kings; some
we met with that we had seen at home ; these
came up to and saluted us as their old acquaintance,
whilst others putting us first to sleep, treated us.
most magnificently, and promised that they would
make us kings and noblemen : Some carried us
* Gr, rapaštáva röv uaravāyevows, terriculum vanipori : fright,
the son of vain hope, or disappointment.
+ Gr. TrAovrök\ea row bavraavtºvos, divitiglorium, the pride of
riches—i.e., arising from riches; son of phantasy, or deceit
† Gr. Kape&tiv, gravi-80mnem, heavy sleep.
THE TRUE HISTORY. - 139
into our own country, showed us our friends and
relations, and brought us back again the same day.
Thirty days and nights we remained in this
place, being most luxuriously feasted, and fast
asleep all the time, when we were suddenly
awaked by a violent clap of thunder, and im-
mediately ran to our ship, put in our stores, and
set sail. In three days we reached the island of
Ogygia. Before we landed, I broke open the
letter, and read the contents, which were as
follows: -
ULYSSEs To CALYPSO.
“This comes to inform you, that after my de-
parture from your coasts in the vessel which you
were so kind as to provide me with, I was ship-
wrecked, and saved with the greatest difficulty by
Leucothea, who conveyed me to the country of the
Phaeacians, and from thence I got home; where I
found a number of suitors about my wife, revelling
there at my expense. I destroyed every one of
them, and was afterwards slain myself by Tele-
gonus, a son whom I had by Circe. I still lament
the pleasures which I left behind at Ogygia, and
140 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
the immortality which you promised me ; if I can
ever find an opportunity, I will certainly make my
escape from hence, and come to you.”
This was the whole of the epistle except, that at
the end of it he recommended us to her protection.
On our landing, at a little distance from the sea,
I found the cave, as described by Homer, and in it
Calypso, spinning ; she took the letter, put it in
her bosom, and wept ; then invited us to sit down,
and treated us magnificently. She then asked us
several questions about Ulysses, and inquired
whether Penelope was handsome and as ‘chaste as
Ulysses had reported her to be. We answered her
in such a manner as we thought would please her
best ; and then returning to our ship, slept on
board close to the shore.
In the morning, a brisk gale springing up, we
set sail. For two days we were tossed about in a
storm ; the third drove us on the pirates of
Colocynthos. These are a kind of Savages from
the neighbouring islands, who commit depredations
on all that sail that way. They have large ships
made out of gourds, six cubits long ; when the
fruit is dry, they hollow and work it into this
THE TRUE HISTORY. 141
shape, using reeds for masts, and making their
sails out of the leaves of the plant. They joined
the crews of two ships and attacked us, wounding
many of us with cucumber seeds, which they threw
instead of stones. After fighting some time with-
out any material advantage on either side, about
noon we saw just behind them some of the
Caryonautae,” whom we found to be avowed
enemies to the Colocynthites, f who, on their
coming up, immediately quitted us, and fell upon
them. We hoisted our sail, and got off, leaving
them to fight it out by themselves; the Caryonautae
were most probably the conquerors, as they were
more in number, for they had five ships, which
besides were stronger and better built than those
of the enemy, being made of the shells of nuts cut
in two, and hollowed, every half-nut being fifty
paces long. As soon as we got out of their sight,
we took care of our wounded men, and from that
time were obliged to be always armed and pre-
pared in case of sudden attack. We had too much
reason to fear, for scarce was the sun set when we
* Nut sailors ; or, sailors in a nut-shell.
+ Those who sailed in the gourds.
142 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
saw about twenty men from a desert island
advancing towards us, each on the back of a large
dolphin. These were pirates also: the dolphins
carried them very safely, and seemed pleased with
their burden, neighing like horses. When they
came up, they stood at a little distance, and
threw dried cuttle-fish and crabs’-eyes at us; but
we, in return, attacking them with our darts and
arrows, many of them were wounded ; and, unable
to stand it any longer, they retreated to the
island.
In the middle of the night, the sea being quite
calm, we unfortunately struck upon a halcyon's
nest, of an immense size, being about sixty stadia
in circumference; the halcyon was sitting upon it,
and was herself not much less ; as she flew off, she
was very near oversetting our ship with the wind
of her wings, and, as she went, made a most hideous
groaning. As soon as it was day we took a view
of the nest, which was like a great ship, and built
of trees; in' it were five hundred eggs, each of
them longer than a hogshead of Chios. We could
hear the young ones croaking within ; so, with a
hatchet we broke one of the eggs, and took the
THE TRUE HISTORY. 143.
chicken out unfledged ; it was bigger than twenty
vultures put together.
When we were got about two hundred stadia
from the nest, we met with some surprising
prodigies. A chemiscus came, and sitting on the
prow of our ship, clapped his wings and made a
moise. Our pilot Scintharus had been bald for
many years, when on a sudden his hair came
again. But what was still more wonderful, the
mast of our ship sprouted out, sent forth several
branches, and bore fruit at the top of it, large figs,
and grapes not quite ripe. We were greatly
astonished, as you may suppose, and prayed most
devoutly to the gods to avert the evil which was
portended. f
We had not gone above five hundred stadia
farther before we saw an immensely large and
thick wood of pines and cypresses; we took it for
a tract of land, but it was all a deep sea, planted
with trees that had no root, which stood, however,
unmoved, upright, and, as it were, swimming in
it. Approaching near to it, we began to consider
what we could do best. There was no sailing
between the trees, which were close together, nor
144 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
did we know how to get back. I got upon one of
the highest of them, to see how far they reached,
and perceived that they continued for about fifty
stadia or more, and beyond that it was all sea
again ; we resolved therefore to drag the ship up
to the top boughs, which were very thick, and so
convey it along, which, by fixing a great rope to
it, with no little toil and difficulty, we performed ;
got it up, spread our sails, and were driven on by
the wind. It put me in mind of that verse of
Antimachus the poet, where he says—
“The ship sailed smoothly through the sylvan sea.”
We at length got over the wood, and, letting
our ship down in the same manner, fell into
smooth clear water, till we came to a horrid
precipice, hollow and deep, resembling the cavity
made by an earthquake. We furled our sails, or
should soon have been swallowed up in it. Stoop-
ing forward, and looking down, we beheld a gulf
of at least a thousand stadia deep, a most dreadful
and amazing sight, for the sea as it were was split
in two. Looking towards our right hand, however,
we saw a small bridge of water that joined the
THE TRUE HISTORY. 145
two seas, and flowed from one into the other; we
got the ship in here, and with great labour rowed
her over, which we never expected.
From thence we passed into a smooth and calm
sea, wherein was a small island with a good landing
place, and which was inhabited by the Bucephali:
a Savage race of men, with bulls' heads and horns,
as they paint the minotaur. As soon as we got on
shore we went in search of water and provision, for
we had none left ; water we found soon, but no-
thing else; we heard, indeed, a kind of lowing at
a distance, and expected to find a herd of oxen, but,
advancing a little farther, perceived that it came
from the men. As soon as they saw us, they ran
after and took two of our companions; the rest
of us got back to the ship as fast as we could. We
then got our arms, and, determined to revenge our
friends, attacked them as they were dividing the
flesh of our poor companions: they were soon
thrown into confusion and totally routed ; we slew
about fifty of them, and took two prisoners, whom
we returned with. All this time we could get no
provision. Some were for putting the captives
to death, but not approving of this, I kept them
.146 . TRIPS TO THE MOON.
bound till the enemy should send ambassadors to
redeem them, which they did; for we soon heard
them lowing in a melancholy tone, and most hum-
bly beseeching us to release their friends. The
ransom agreed on was a quantity of cheeses, dried
fish, and onions, together with four stags, each
having three feet, two behind and one before. In
consideration of this, we released the prisoners,
stayed one day there, and set sail.
We soon observed the fish swimming and the
birds flying round about us, with other signs of
our being near the land; and in a very little time
after saw some men in the sea, who made use of
a very uncommon method of sailing, being them-
selves both ships and passengers. I will tell you
how they did it ; they laid themselves all along in
the water, they fastened to their middle a sail,
and holding the lower part of the rope in their
hands, were carried along by the wind. Others
we saw, sitting on large casks, driving two dolphins
who were yoked together, and drew the carriage
after them : these did not run away from, nor
attempt to do us any injury ; but rode round
about us without fear, observing our vessel with
THE TRUE HISTORY. 147
great attention, and seeming greatly astonished
at it.
It was now almost dark, when we came in sight
of a small island inhabited by women, as we
imagined, for such they appeared to us, being all
young and handsome, with long garments reaching
to their feet. The island was called Cabalusa,
and the city Hydamardia.” I stopped a little, for
my mind misgave me, and looking round, saw
several bones and skulls of men on the ground; to
make a noise, call my companions together, and take
up arms, I thought would be imprudent. I pulled
out my mallow,t therefore, and prayed most de-
voutly that I might escape the present evil; and
a little time afterwards, as one of the strangers
was helping us to something, I perceived, instead
of a woman’s foot, the hoof of an ass. Upon this
* Cabalusa and Hydamardia are hard words, which the com-
montators confess they can make nothing of. Various, however,
are the derivations, and numerous the guesses made about
them. The English reader may, if he pleases, call them not
improperly, especially the first, Cabalistic.
+ Which the reader will remember was given him by way of
charm, on his departure from the Happy Island. *
148 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
I drew my sword, seized on and bound her, and
insisted on her telling me the truth with regard to
everything about them. She informed me, much
against her will, that she and the rest of the in-
habitants were women belonging to the sea, that
they were called Onoscileas,” and that they lived
upon travellers who came that way. “We make
them drunk,” said she, “and when they are asleep,
make an end of them.” As soon as she had told me
this, I left her bound there, and getting upon the
house, called out to my companions, brought them
together, showed them the bones, and led them in
to her; when on a sudden she dissolved away into
water, and disappeared. I dipped my sword into
it by way of experiment, and the water turned
into blood.
We proceeded immediately to our vessel and
departed. At break of day we had a view of that
continent which we suppose lies directly opposite
to our own. Here, after performing our religious
rites, and putting up our prayers, we consulted
together about what was to be done next. Some
* Gr. ovoorkeačas, asini-eruras, ass-legged.
THE TRUE HISTORY. 149
were of opinion that, after making a little descent
on the coast, we should turn back again; others
were for leaving the ship there, and marching up
into the heart of the country, to explore the in-
habitants. Whilst we were thus disputing a
violent storm arose, and driving our ship towards
the land, split it in pieces. We picked up our
arms, and what little things we could lay hold
on, and with difficulty swam ashore.
Such were the adventures which befell us during
our voyage, at sea, in the islands, in the air, in the
whale, amongst the heroes, in the land of dreams,
and lastly, amongst the Bucephali, and the Onos-
cileae. What we met with on the other side of the
world, shall be related in the ensuing books.”
* The ensuing books never appeared. The “True History,”
like
“the bear and fiddle,
Begins, but breaks off in the middle.”
D'Ablancourt, as I observed above, has carried it on a little
farther. There is still room for any ingenious modern to take
the plan from Lucian, and improve upon it.
ICARO-MENIPPUs.
HCARO-MENIPPUS.
A TXIALOGUE.
This Dialogue, which is also called by the commentators
'Yrepved exos, or, “Above the Clouds,” has a great deal of easy
wit and humour in it, without the least degree of stiffness
or obscurity ; it is equally severe on the gods and philoso-
phers; and paints, in the warmest colours, the glaring
absurdity of the whole pagan system.
MENIEPPUS AND A FRIEND.
MENIPPUS.
THREE thousand stadia% from the earth to the moon,
my first resting-place; from thence up to the sun
about five hundred parasangas; and from the sun.
to the highest heaven, and the palace of Jupiter, as
far as a swift eagle could fly in a day.
* The ancient Greek stadium is supposed to have contained
a hundred and twenty-five geometrical paces, or six hundred
and twenty-five Roman feet, corresponding to our furlong.
Eight stadia make a geometrical, or Italian mile ; and twenty,
according to Dacier, a French league. It is observed, not-
withsbanding, by Guilletiere, a famous French writer, that the
154 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
FRIEND.
What are you muttering to yourself, Menippus,
talking about the stars, and pretending to measure
distances ! As I walk behind you, I hear of
nothing but suns and moons, parasangas, stations,
and I know not what.
MENIPPUS.
Marvel not, my friend, if I utter things aérial
and sublime ; for I am recounting the wonders of
my late journey.
FRIEND.
What I tracing your road by the stars, as the
Phoenicians # do |
MENIPPUS.
Not so, by Jove | I have been amongst the stars
themselves.
stadium was only six hundred Athenian feet, six hundred and
four English feet, or a hundred and three geometrical paces.
The Greeks measured all their distances by stadia, which.
after all we can discover concerning them, are different in
different times and places.
* The Phoenicians, it is supposed, were the first sailors, and
steered their course according to the appearance of the stars.
ICAIRO-MIENIEPPUS. 155
FRIEND.
You must have had a long drearn, indeed, to
travel so many leagues in it.
MENIPPUS.
It is no dream, I assure you; I am just arrived
from Jupiter.
FRIEND.
How say you ? Menippus let down from
heaven'.
MENIPPUS.
Even so : this moment come from thence, where
I have seen and heard things most strange and
miraculous. If you doubt the truth of them, the
happier shall I be to have seen what is past belief.
FRIEND.
How is it possible, most heavenly and divine Men-
ippus, that a mere mortal, like me, should dispute the
veracity of one who has been carried above the
clouds : one, to speak in the language of Homer, of
the inhabitants” of heaven? But inform me, I
* Greek, ovpaviov, caelicolae, Homer's general name for the
gods.
156 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
beseech you, which way you got up, and how you
procured so many ladders; for, by your appearance,
I should not take you for another Phrygian boy,”
to be carried up by an eagle, and made a cup-
bearer of.
MENIPPUS.
You are an old scoffer, I know, and therefore I
am not surprised that an account of things above
the comprehensions of the vulgar should appear
like a fable to you; but, let me tell you, I wanted
no ladders, nor an eagle's beak, to transport me
thither, for I had wings of my own.
FRIEND.
This was beyond Daedalus himself, to be meta
morphosed thus into a hawk, or jay, and we know
nothing of it.
MENIPPUS.
You are not far from the mark, my friend ; for
my wings were a kind of Daedalian contrivance.
* Ganymede, whom Jupiter fell in love with, as he was
hunting on Mount Ida, and turning himself into an eagle,
carried up with him to heaven. “I am sure,” says Menippus's
friend, archly enough, “you were not carried up there, like
Ganymede, for your beauty.”
ICAIRO-MENIPPUS. 157
FRIEND.
Thou art a bold rogue indeed, and meant no
doubt, if you had chanced to fall into any part of
the ocean, to have called it, as Icarus * did, by your
own name, and styled it the Menippean Sea.
MENIPPUS.
Not so; his wings were glued on with wax, and
when the sun melted it, could not escape falling ;
but mine had no wax in them.
FRIEND.
Indeed now shall I quickly know the truth of
this affair.
MENIPPUS.
You shall : I took, you must know, a very large
eagle,f and a vulture also, one of the strongest I
* “Icarus Icariis nomina fecit aquis.” The story is too well
known to stand in need of any illustration. This accounts for
the title of Icaro-Menippus.
+ See Bishop Wilkins’s “Art of Flying,” where this ingenious
contrivance of Menippus's is greatly improved upon. For a
humorous detail of the many advantages attending this noble
art, I refer my readers to the Spectator.
158 TRIPs To THE Moon.
could get, and cut off their wings; but, if you have
leisure, I will tell you the whole expedition from
beginning to end. &
FRIEND.
Pray do, for I long to hear it: by Jove the
Friendly, I entreat thee, keep me no longer in
suspense, for I am hung by the ears.
MENIPPUS.
Listen, then, for I would by no means baulk an
inquisitive friend, especially one who is nailed by
the ears, as you are. Finding, on a close examina-
tion, that everything here below, such as riches,
honours, empire, and dominion, were all ridiculous
and absurd, of no real value or estimation, con-
sidering them, withal, as so many obstacles to the
study of things more worthy of contemplation, I
looked up towards nobler objects, and meditated on
the great universe before me; doubts immediately
arose concerning what philosophers call the world ;
nor could I discover how it came into existence, its
creator, the beginning or the end of it. When I
descended to its several parts, I was still more in
the dark : I beheld the stars, scattered as it were
ICAIRO-MENIEPPUS. 159
by the hand of chance, over the heavens; I saw
the sun, and wished to know what it was ; above
all, the nature of the Moon appeared to me most
wonderful and extraordinary; the diversity of its
forms pointed out some hidden cause which I could
not account for; the lightning also, which pierces
through everything, the impetuous thunder, the
rain, hail, and snow,” all raised my admiration, and
seemed inexplicable to human reason. In this
situation of mind, the best thing I thought which I
could possibly do was to consult the philosophers;
they, I made no doubt, were acquainted with the
truth, and could impart it to me. Selecting, there-
fore, the best of them, as well as I could judge
from the paleness and severity of their counten-
ances, and the length of their beards (for they
seemed all to be high-speaking and heavenly-
* Even Lucian’s Menippus, we see, could not reflect on the
works of God without admiration; but with how much more
dignity are they considered by the holy Psalmist —
“O praise the Lord of heaven, praise Him in the height.
Praise Him, sun and moon ; praise Him, all ye stars; praise
the Lord upon earth, ye dragons and all deeps; fire and hail,
snow and vapours, wind and storm fulfilling His word.”—
Psalm crlviii. -
160 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
minded men), into the hands of these I entirely
resigned myself, and partly by ready money, partly
by the promise of more, when they had made me
completely wise, I engaged them to teach me the
perfect knowledge of the universe, and how to talk
on sublime subjects; but so far were they from
removing my ignorance, that they only threw me
into greater doubt and uncertainty, by puzzling me
with atoms, vacuums, beginnings, ends, ideas,
forms, and so forth ; and the worst of all was, that
though none agreed with the rest in what they
advanced, but were all of contrary opinions, yet
did every one of them expect that I should im-
plicitly embrace his tenets, and subscribe to his
doctrine. -
FRIEND.
It is astonishing that such wise men should dis-
agree, and, with regard to the same things, should
not all be of the same opinion.
MENIPPUS.
You will laugh, my friend, when I shall tell you
of their pride and impudence in the relation of
extraordinary events; to think that men, who
ICAIRO-IMENIPPUS. 161
creep upon this earth, and are not a whit wiser,
or can see farther than ourselves, some of them old,
blind, and lazy, should pretend to know the limits
and extent of heaven, measure the sun's circuit,
and walk above the moon ; that they should tell
us the size and form of the stars, as if they were
just come down from them ; that those who
scarcely know how many furlongs it is from Athens
to Megara, should inform you exactly how many
cubits distance the sun is from the moon, should
mark out the height of the air, and the depth of
the sea, describe circles, from squares upon tri-
angles, make spheres, and determine the length and
breadth of heaven itself: is it not to the last
degree impudent and audacious? When they talk
of things thus obscure and unintelligible, not
merely to offer their opinions as conjectures, but
boldly to urge and insist upon them : to do every-
thing but swear, that the sun” is a mass of liquid
fire, that the moon is inhabited, that the stars drink
water, and that the sun draws up the moisture
* This was the opinion of Anaxagoras, one of the Ionic
philosophers, born at Clazomene, in the first year of the seven-
tieth Olympiad. See Plutarch and Diogenes Laert.
162 - TRIPS TO THE MOON.
from the sea, as with a well-rope, and distributes
his draught over the whole creation? How little
they agree upon any one thing, and what a variety
of tenets they embrace, is but too evident ; for
first, with regard to the world, their opinions are
totally different ; some affirm that it hath neither
beginning nor end; some, whom I cannot but
admire, point out to us the manner of its construc-
tion, and the maker of it, a supreme deity, whom
they worship as creator of the universe; but they
have not told us whence he came, nor where he
exists; neither, before the formation of this world,
can we have any idea of time or place.
FRIEND.
These are, indeed, bold and presumptuous
diviners.
MIENIPPUS.
But what would you say, my dear friend, were
you to hear them disputing, concerning ideal * and
incorporeal substances, and talking about finite and
infinite! for this is a principal matter of contention
* Alluding to the doctrines of Plato and Aristotle.
ICAIRO-MENIEPPUS. 163
between them ; some confining all things within
certain limits, others prescribing none. Some as-
sert that there are many worlds,” and laugh at
those who affirm there is but one ; whilst another,i
no man of peace, gravely assures us that war is the
original parent of all things. Need I mention to
you their strange opinions concerning the deities :
One says, that number f is a god; others swear by
* This was the opinion of Democritus, who held that there.
were infinite worlds in infinite space, according to all circum-
stances, some of which are not only like to one another, but
every way so perfectly and absolutely equal, that there is no
difference betwixt them. See Plutarch, and Tully, Quest.
Acad. -
# Empedocles, of Agrigentum, a Pythagorean; he held that
there are two principal powers in nature, amity and discord,
and that
“Sometimes by friendship, all are knit in one,
Sometimes by discord, severed and undone.”
See Stanley’s “Lives of the Philosophers.”
†: Alluding to the doctrine of Pythagoras, according to whom,
number is the principle most providential of all heaven and
earth, the root of divine beings, of gods and demons, the foun-
tain and root of all things; that which, before all things, exists,
in the divine mind, from which, and out of which, all things
are digested into order, and remain numbered by an indis-
soluble series. The whole system of the Pythagoreans is ał
164 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
dogs,” geese, and plane-trees. Some give the rule
of everything to one god alone, and take away all
power from the rest, a scarcity of deities which I
could not well brook; others more liberal, increased
the number of gods, and gave to each his separate
province and employment, calling one the first, and
allotting to others the second or third rank of
divinity. Some held that gods were incorporeal,
and without form ; others supposed them to have
bodies. It was by no means universally acknow-
ledged that the gods took cognisance of human
affairs; some there were who exempted them from
all care and solicitude, as we exonerate our old men
large explained and illustrated by Stanley. See his “Lives of
Philosophers.” -
* See our author's “Auction of Lives,” where Socrates
swears by the dog and the plane-tree.
This was called the épkos Pašapav6tós, or oath of Rhadaman-
thus, who, as Porphyry informs us, made a law that men
should swear, if they needs must swear, by geese, dogs, etc.
§trép irov ºn toys 6éoùs étri rāatu ovouágo, that they might not, on
every trifling occasion, call in the name of the gods. This is a
kind of religious reason, the custom was therefore, Porphyry
tells us, adopted by the wise and pious Socrates. Lucian, how-
ever, who laughs at everything here (as well as the place above
quoted), ridicules him for it. -
ICARO-MENIFFUS. 165
from business and trouble; bringing them in like
so many mute attendants on the stage. There are
some too, who go beyond all this, and deny that there
are any gods at all, but assert that the world is left
without any guide or master.
I could not tell how to refuse my assent to these
high-sounding and long-bearded gentlemen, and
yet could find no argument amongst them all, that
had not been refuted by some or other of them;
often was I on the point of giving credit to one,
when, as Homer says, -
“To other thoughts,
My heart inclined.””
The only way, therefore, to put an end to all my
doubts, was, I thought, to make a-bird of myself,
and fly up to heaven. This my own eager desires
represented as probable, and the fable-writer Æsopf
* See Homer's “Odyssey,” book ix. l. 302. Pope translates
it badl
y, “Wisdom held my hand.”
Homer says nothing but—my mind changed.
+ One of the fables here alluded to is yet extant amongst
those ascribed to Æsop, but that concerning the camel I never
met with.
166 '' TRIPS TO THE, MOON.
confirmed it, who carries up, not only his eagles,
but his beetles, and camels thither. To make
wings for myself was impossible, but to fit those
of a vulture and an eagle to my body, might, I
imagined, answer the same purpose. I resolved,
therefore, to try the experiment, and cut off the
right wing of one, and the left of the other ; bound
them on with thongs, and at the extremities made
loops for my hands; then, raising myself by degrees,
just skimmed above the ground, like the geese.
When, finding my project succeed, I made a bold
push, got upon the Acropolis” and from thence
slid down to the theatre. Having got so far with-
out danger or difficulty, I began to meditate greater
things, and setting off from Parnethes or Hy-
mettus f flew to Geranea, + and from thence to the
top of the tower at Corinth ; from thence over
Pholoes and Erymanthus quite to Taygetus. And
* That part of Athens which was called the upper city, in
opposition to the lower city. The Acropolis was on the top of
a high rock.
+ Mountains near Athens.
† A mountain between Geranea and Corinth.
§ A high mountain in Arcadia, to the west of Elis. Eryman-
ICARO-MENIEPUS. 167
now, resolving to strike a bold stroke, as I was al-
ready become a high flyer, and perfect in my art, x
I no longer confined myself to chicken flights, but
getting upon Olympus, and taking a little light pro-
vision with me, i made the best of my way directly
towards heaven. The extreme height which I
soared to brought on a giddiness at first, but this
soon went off; and when I got as far the Moon,
having left a number of clouds behind me, I found
a weariness, particularly in my vulture wing. I
halted, therefore, to rest myself a little, and looking
down from thence upon the earth, like Homer's
Jupiter, beheld the places—
“Where the brave Mycians prove their martial force,
And hardy Thracians tame the Savage horse ;
Then India, Persia, and all-conquering Greece.” ”
which gave me wonderful pleasure and satisfaction.
FRIEND.
Let me have an exact account of all your
thus another, bordering upon Achaia. Taygetus another,
reaching northwards, to the foot of the mountains of Arcadia.
* See Homer’s “Iliad,” book xiii. 1. 4 s
168 TRIPs To THE MOON.
travels, I beseech you, omit not the least particular,
but give me your observations upon everything ;
I expect to hear a great deal about the form and
figure of the earth, and how it all appeared to you
from such an eminence. *
MENIPPUS.
And so you shall ; ascend, therefore, in imagi-
nation with me to the Moon, and consider the
situation and appearance of the earth from thenco:
suppose it to seem, as it did to me, much less.
than the moon, insomuch, that when I first looked
down, I could not find the high mountains, and
the great sea ; and, if it had not been for the
Rhodian Colossus,” and the tower of Pharos, should
not have known where the earth stood. At length,
however, by the reflection of the Sunbeams, the
ocean appeared, and showed me the land, when,
keeping my eyes fixed upon it, I beheld clearly
and distinctly everything that was doing upon
earth, not only whole nations and cities, but all
the inhabitants of them, whether waging war,
* See note on this in a former dialogue.
ICARO-MENIPPUs. 169
cultivating their fields, trying causes, or anything
else; their women, animals, everything, in short,
was before me.
FRIEND.
Most improbable, all this, and contradictory;
you told me but just before, that the earth was so
little by its great distance, that you could scarce
find it, and, if it had not been for the Colossus,
it would not have appeared at all ; and now, on a
sudden, like another Lynceus, you can spy out
men, trees, animals, nay, I suppose, even a flea's
nest, if you chose it.
MENIPPUs.
I thank you for putting me in mind of what I
had forgot to mention. When I beheld the earth,
but could not distinguish the objects upon it, on
account of the immense distance, I was horribly
vexed at it, and ready to cry, when, on a sudden,
Empedocles* the philosopher stood behind me, all
* It is reported of Empedocles, that he went to Ætna, where
he leaped into the fire, that he might leave behind him an
opinion that he was a god, and that it was afterwards dis-
covered by one of his sandals, which the fire cast up again, for
170 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
over ashes, as black as a coal, and dreadfully
scorched; when I saw him, I must own I was
frightened, and took him for some demon of the
moon ; but he came up to me, and cried out,
“Menippus, don’t be afraid,
“I am no god, why call'st thou me divine 7” +
I am Empedocles, the naturalist : after I had
leaped into the furnace, a vapour from AEtna
carried me up hither, and here I live in the moon
and feed upon dew : I am come to free you from
your present distress.” “You are very kind,”
said I, “most noble Empedocles, and when I fly
back to Greece, I shall not forget to pay my
devotions to you in the tunnel of my chimney
every new moon.” “Think not,” replied he,
“that I do this for the sake of any reward I
his sandals were of brass. See Stanley’s “Lives of the Philoso-
phers.” The manner of his death is related differently by
different authors. This was, however, the generally received
fable. Lucian, with an equal degree of probability, carries
him up to the moon.
*See Homer's Odyssey, b. xvi. 1, 187. The speech of Ulys-
ses to his son, on the discovery. -
ICAIRO-MENIEPPUS. 171
might expect for it; by Endymion,” that is not
the case, but I was really grieved to see you so
uneasy: and now, how shall we contrive to make
you see clear !” “That, by Jove,” said I, “I
cannot guess, unless you can take off this mist
from my eyes, for they are horribly dim at pre-
sent.” “You have brought the remedy along with
you.” “How so?” “Have you not got an
eagle's wing?” “True, but what has that to do
with an eye ** “An eagle, you know, is more
sharp-sighted than any other creature, and the
only one that can look against the sun : your true
royal bird is known by never winking at the rays,
be they ever so strong.”—“So I have heard, and I
am sorry I did not, before I came up, take out my
own eyes and put in the eagle's ; thus imperfect,
to be sure, I am not royally furnished, but a kind
of bastard bird.” “You may have one royal eye,
for all that, if you please ; it is only when you
rise up to fly, holding the vulture's wing still, and •
moving the eagle's only ; by which means, you
will see clearly with one, though not at all with
* When Empedocles is got into the moon, Lucian makes him
swear by Endymion in compliment to his sovereign lady.
172 TRIPS TO TEIE MOON.
the other.”—“That will do, and is sufficient for
me ; I have often seen Smiths, and other artists,
look with one eye only, to make their work the
truer.” This conversation ended, Empedocles
vanished into smoke, and I saw no more of him.
I acted as he advised me, and no sooner moved my
eagle's wing, than a great light came all around
me, and I saw everything as clear as possible :
looking down to earth, I beheld distinctly cities
and men, and everything that passed amongst
them ; not only what they did openly, but what-
ever was going on at home, and in their own
houses, where they thought to conceal it. I saw
Lysimachus betrayed by his son; * Antiochus
intriguing with his mother-in-law;f Alexander the
Thessalian slain by his wife; and Attalus poisoned
by his son : in another place I saw Arsaces killing
his wife, and the eunuch Arbaces drawing his
sword upon Arsaces; Spartim, the Mede, dragged
by the heels from the banquet by his guards, and
knocked on the head with a cup. In the palaces
of Scythia and Thrace the same wickedness was
* Agathocles. ‘i Stratonice.
ICARO-IMIENIEPPUS. 173
going forward; and nothing could I see but mur-
derers, adulterers, conspirators, false swearers, men
in perpetual terrors, and betrayed by their dearest
friends and acquaintance.
Such was the employment of kings and great
men : in private houses there was something more
ridiculous; there I saw Hermodorus the Epicurean
forswearing himself for a thousand drachmas;
Agathocles the Stoic quarrelling with his dis.
ciples about the salary for tuition; Clinias the
orator stealing a phial out of the temple ; not to
mention a thousand others, who were undermining
walls, litigating in the forum, extorting money, or
lending it upon usury ; a sight, upon the whole, of
wonderful variety.
FRIEND. -
It must have been very entertaining; let us
have it all, I desire.
MENIPPUS.
I had much ado to see, to relate it to you is im-
possible ; it was like Homer's shield,” on one side
were feasting and nuptials, on the other haranguing
* Of Achilles. . See the 18th book of the “Iliad.”
174 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
and decrees ; here a sacrifice, and there a burial ;
the Getae at war, the Scythians travelling in their
caravans, the Egyptians tilling their fields, the
Phoenicians merchandising, the Cilicians robbing
and plundering, the Spartans flogging their chil-
dren, and the Athenians perpetually quarrelling
and going to law with one another.
When all this was doing, at the same time, you
may conceive what a strange medley this appeared
to me; it was just as if a number of dancers, or
rather singers, were met together, and every one
was ordered to leave the chorus, and sing his own
song, each striving to drown the other's voice, by
bawling as loud as he could; you may imagine what
kind of a concert this would make.
FRIEND.
Truly ridiculous and confused, no doubt.
MENIPPUS.
And yet such, my friend, are all the poor per-
formers upon earth, and of such is composed the
discordant music of human life; the voices not
only dissonant and inharmonious, but the forms .
ICAIRO-MENIEPPUS. 175
and habits all differing from each other, moving in
various directions, and agreeing in nothing, till at
length the great master * of the choir drives every-
one of them from the stage, and tells him he is no
longer wanted there ; then all are silent, and no
longer disturb each other with their harsh and jar-
ring discord. But in this wide and extensive theatre,
full of various shapes and forms, everything was
matter of laughter and ridicule. Above all, I could
not help smiling at those who quarrel about the .
boundaries of their little territory, and fancy them-
selves great because they occupy a Sicyonian f field,
or possess that part of Marathon which borders on
Oenoe, or are masters of a thousand acres in Achar-
ne ; when after all, to me, who looked from above,
Greece was but four fingers in breadth, and Attica
a very small portion of it indeed. I could not but
think how little these rich men had to be proud of;
he who was lord of the most extensive country
owned a spot that appeared to me about as large
as one of Epicurus's atoms. When I looked down,
* Greek, 5 xopmyös.
+ Sicyon was a city near Corinth, famous for the richness and
felicity of its soil.
176 . TRIPS TO THE MOON.
upon Peloponnesus, and beheld Cynuria, " I re-
flected with astonishment on the number of Ar-
gives and Lacedemonians who fell in one day,
fighting for a piece of land no bigger than an
IEgyptian lentil ; and when I saw a man brooding
over his gold, and boasting that he had got four
cups or eight rings, I laughed most heartily at him:
whilst the whole Pangaeus, f with all its mines,
seemed no larger than a grain of millet.
FRIEND.
A fine sight you must have had ; but how did
the cities and the men look ;
*The famous Ager Cynurius, a little district of Laconia, on
the confines of Argolis; the Argives and Spartans, whom it
laid between, agreed to decide the property of it by three
hundred men of a side in the field : the battle was bloody and
desperate, only one man remaining alive, Othryades, the Lace-
demonian, who immediately, though covered with wounds,
raised a trophy, which he inscribed with his own blood, to
Jupiter Tropaeus. This victory the Spartans, who from that
time had quiet possession of the field, yearly celebrated with a
festival, to commemorate the event. -
+ A mountain of Thrace. Dion Cassius places it near Philippi.
It was supposed to have abounded in golden mines in some
parts of it.
ICAIRO-MENIE’PU.S. . 177
MENIPPUS.
You have often seen a crowd of ants running to
and fro in and out of their city, some turning up a
bit of dung, others dragging a bean-shell, or running
away with half a grain of wheat. I make no
doubt but they have architects, demagogues, sena-
tors, musicians, and philosophers amongst them.
Men, my friend, are exactly like these: if you
approve not of the comparison, recollect, if you
please, the ancient Thessalian fables, and you will
find that the Myrmidons,” a most warlike nation,
sprung originally from pismires.
When I had thus seen and diverted myself with
everything, I shook my wings and flew off,
* When Æacus was king of Thessaly, his kingdom was
almost depopulated by a dreadful pestilence ; he prayed to
Jupiter to avert the distemper, and dreamed that he saw an
innumerable quantity of ants creep out of an old oak, which
were immediately turned into men ; when he awoke the
dream was fulfilled, and he found his kingdom moré populous
than ever; from that time the people were called Myrmidons.
Such is the fable, which owed its rise merely to the name of
Myrmidons, which it was supposed must come from pvpumé, an -
ant. To some such trifling circumstances as these we are in-
debted for half the fables of antiquity.
178 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
2
“To join the sacred senate of the skies.””
Scarce had I gone a furlong, when the Moon, in a
soft female voice, cried out to me, “Menippus, will
you carry something for me to Jupiter, SO may
your journey be prosperous?” “With all my
heart,” said I, “if it is nothing very heavy.”
“Only a message,” replied she, “a small petition to
him: my patience is absolutely worn out by the
philosophers, who are perpetually disputing about
me, who I am, of what size, how if happens that I
am sometimes round and full, at others cut in half; |
some say I am inhabited, others that I am only a
looking-glass hanging over the Sea, and a hundred
conjectures of this kind ; even my light,i they say,
is none of my own, but stolen from the Sun; thus
endeavouring to set me and my brother together
by the ears, not content with abusing him, and
calling him a hot stone, and a mass of fire. In the
meantime, I am no stranger to what these men,
who look so grave and sour all day, are doing
* See Homer’s “Iliad,” book i. 1. 294.
+. This was the opinion of Anaxagoras, and is confirmed by
the more accurate observations of modern philosophy.
ICAIRO-MENIPPUS. 179.
o’ nights; but I see and say nothing, not thinking
it decent to lay open their vile and abominable
lives to the public ; for when I catch them
thieving, or practising any of their nocturnal
tricks, I wrap myself up in a cloud, that I may not
expose to the world a parcel of old fellows, who, in
spite of their long beards, and professions of virtue,
are guilty of every vice, and yet they are always
railing at and abusing me. I swear by night I
have often resolved to move farther off to get out
of reach of their busy tongues; and I beg you
would tell Jupiter that I cannot possibly stay
here any longer, unless he will destroy these
naturalists, stop the mouths of the logicians, throw
down the Portico, burn the Academy, and make
an end of the inhabitants of Peripatus; so may I
enjoy at last a little rest, which these fellows are
perpetually disturbing.” “It shall be done,” said
I, and away I set out for heaven, where
“No tracks of beasts or signs of men are found.””
In a little time the earth was invisible, and the
moon appeared very small; and now, leaving the
* See Pope's Homer's “Odyssey,” book x. l. 113.
180 TEIPS TO THE MOON.
\
sun on my right hand, I flew amongst the stars,
and on the third day reached my journey's end.
At first I intended to fly in just as I was, think-
ing that, being half an eagle, I should not be dis-
covered, as that bird was an old acquaintance of
Jupiter's, but then it occurred to me that I might
be found out by my vulture's wing, and laid hold
on : deeming it, therefore, most prudent not to run
the hazard, I went up, and knocked at the door :
Mercury heard me, and asking my name, went
off immediately, and carried it to his master; soon
after I was let in, and, trembling and quaking with
fear, found all the gods sitting together, and
seemingly not a little alarmed at my appearance
there, expecting probably that they should soon
have a number of winged mortals travelling up to
them in the same manner: when Jupiter, looking
at me with a most severe and Titanic * counte-
nance, cried out,
“Say who thou art, and whence thy country, name
Thy parents "+
* I.e. Such a countenance as he put on when he slew the re-
bellious Titans.
+ See Homer's “Odyssey,” A. v. 170
ICAIRO-IMIENIEPPUS. 181
At this I thought I should have died with fear; I
stood motionless, and astonished at the awfulness
and majesty of his voice ; but recovering myself
in a short time, Irelated to him everything from
the beginning, how desirous I was of knowing sub-
lime truths, how I went to the philosophers, and
hearing them contradict one another, and driven to
despair, thought on the scheme of making me
wings, with all that had happened in my journey
quite up to heaven. I then delivered the message
to him from the Moon, at which, softening his con-
tracted brow, he smiled at me, and cried, “What
were Otus and Ephialtes * in comparison of
* Otus and Ephialtes were two giants of an enormous size ;
some of the ancients, who, no doubt, were exact in their mea-
surement, assure us that, at nine years old, they were nine
cubits round, and thirty-six high, and grew in proportion, till
they thought proper to attack and endeavour to dethrone
Jupiter; for which purpose they piled mount Ossa and Pelion
upon Olympus, made Mars prisoner, and played several tricks.
of this kind, till Diana, by artifice, subdued them, contriving,
some way or other, to make them shoot their arrows against,
and destroy each other, after which Jupiter sent them down to
Tartarus. Some attribute to Apollo the honour of conquering
them. This story has been explained; and allegorised, and .
182 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
Menippus, who has thus dared to fly up to heaven;
but come, we now invite you to supper with us; to-
morrow we will attend to your business, and dis-
miss you.” At these words he rose up and went
to that part of heaven where everything from
below could be heard most distinctly ; for this, it
seems, was the time appointed to hear petitions.
As we went along, he asked me several questions
about earthly matters, such as, “How much corn
is there at present in Greece" had you a hard .
winter last year! and did your cabbages want rain!
is any of Phidias's ‘family alive now what is the
reason that the Athenians have left off Sacrificing
to me for so many years ? do they think of building
up the Olympian temple again! are the thieves
taken that robbed the Dodonaean " " When I had
answered all these, “Pray, Menippus,” said he,
“what does mankind really think of me?” “How
should they think of you,” said I, “but with the
tortured so many different ways, that it is not easy to unravel
the foundation of it.
* Jupiter thought himself, we may suppose, much obliged to
Phidias for the famous statue which he had made of him, and
therefore, in return, complaisantly inquires after his family.
ICAIRO-MENIFPUS. - 183
utmost veneration, that you are the great sovereign,
of the gods.” “There you jest,” said he, “I am
sure ; I know well enough how fond they are of
, novelty, though you will not own it. There was a
time, indeed, when I was held in some estimation,
when I was the great physician, when I was every-
thing, in short—
“When streets, and lanes, and all was full of Jove.” “
Pisa F and Dodona i were distinguished above
every place, and I could not see for the smoke of
sacrifices; but, since Apollo has set up his Oracle
at Delphi, and Æsculapius practises physic at Per-
gamus; since temples have been erected to Bendis;
at Thrace, to Anubis in Egypt, and to Diana at
Ephesus, everybody runs after them; with them
* From Aratus. --
ºf A city of Elis, where there was a temple dedicated to
Olympian Jupiter, and public games celebrated every fifth
year.
: A city of Thessaly, where there was a temple to Jove ;
this was likewise the seat of the famous oracle. S.,
Ś A goddess worshipped in Thrace. Hesychius says this was
only another name for Diana. See Strabo. *.
184 TRIPs To THE MOON.
they feast, to them they offer up their hecatombs,
and think it honour enough for a worn-out god, as
I am, if they sacrifice once in six years at Olympia;
whilst my altars are as cold and neglected as Plato's
laws,” or the syllogisms of Chrysippus.”
With this and such-like chat we passed away thc
time, till we came to the place where the petitions
were to be heard. Here we found several holes,
with covers to them, and close to every one was
placed a golden chair Jupitor sat down in the
first he came to, and lifting up the lid, listened to
the prayers, which, as you may suppose, were of
various kinds. I stooped down and heard several
of them myself, such as, “O Jupiter, grant me a
large empire ” “O Jupiter, may my leeks and
onions flourish and increase l’” “Grant Jupiter,
| y,
that my father may die soon “Grant I may
33
!
survive my wife “Grant I may not be dis-
covered, whilst I lay wait for my brother l’’
“Grant that I may get my cause !” “Grant that
I may be crowned at Olympia
asked for a north wind, another for a south; the
!” One sailor
* Alluding to his Republic, which probably was considered
by Lucian and others as a kind of Utopian system.
ICAIRO-MENIPPUS. 185.
husbandman prayed for rain, and the fuller for sun-
shine. Jupiter heard them all, but did not pro-
mise everybody—
“—of some the just request,
He heard propitious, and denied the rest.” "
Those prayers which he thought right and proper
he let up through the hole, and blew the wicked
and foolish ones back, that they might not rise to
heaven. One petition, indeed, puzzled him a
little ; two men asking favours of him directly con-
trary to each other, at the same time, and pro-
mising the same sacrifice ; he was at a loss which
to oblige; he became immediately a perfect Aca-
demic, and like Pyrrho,t was held in suspense be-
tween them. When he had done with the prayers,
he sat down upon the next chair, over another hole,
and listened to those who were swearing and
making vows. When he had finished this business,
and destroyed Hermodorus, the Epicurean, for
* See Homer's “Iliad,” book xvi. 1. 250.
+ Of Elis, founder of the Sceptic sect, who doubted of every-
thing. He flourished about the hundred and tenth Olympiad.
186 TRIPS TO THE MOON.
perjury, he removed to the next seat, and gave
audience to the auguries, oracles, and divinations;
which having despatched, he proceeded to the hole
that brought up the fume of the victims, together
with the name of the sacrificer. Then he gave out
his orders to the winds and storms: “Let there be
rain to-day in Scythia, lightning in Africa, and
snow in Greece; do you, Boreas, blow in Lydia,
and whilst Notus lies still, let the north wind
raise the waves of the Adriatic, and about a
thousand measures of hail be sprinkled over
Cappadocia.”
When Jupiter had done all his business we re-
paired to the feast, for it was now supper-time,
and Mercury bade me sit down by Pan, the Cory-
bantes, Attis, and Sabazius, a kind of demi-gods
who are admitted as visitors there. Ceres served
us with bread, and Bacchus with wine ; Hercules
handed about the flesh, Venus scattered myrtles,
and Neptune brought us fish ; not to mention that
I got slyly a little nectar and ambrosia, for my
friend Ganymede, out of good-nature, if he saw
Jove looking another way, would frequently throw
me in a cup or two. The greater gods, as Homer
ICAIRO-MENIFPU.S. 187
tells us * (who, I suppose, had seen them as well
as myself,) never taste meat or wine, but feed upon
ambrosia and get drunk with nectar, at the same
time their greatest luxury is, instead of victuals,
to suck in the fumes that rise from the victims,
and the blood of the sacrifices that are offered up
to them. Whilst we were at supper, Apollo
played on the harp, Silenus danced a cordax, and
the Muses repeated Hesiod's Theogony, and the
first Ode of Pindar. When these recreations
were over we all retired tolerably well soaked,f
to bed,
“Now pleasing rest had sealed each mortal eye,
And even immortal gods in slumber lie,
All but myself "f
I could not help thinking of a thousand things,
and particularly how it came to pass that, during
* 'Ou yöp o'ºrov ščova', où trivova' ał6óra oivov.
6 & Not the bread of man their life sustains,
Nor wine’s inflaming juice supplies their veins.”
- Sée Pope's Homer’s “Iliad,” book v. l. 425.
t Greek, Štroge6psyuévot. * -
† See the beginning of the second book of the “Iliad.”
188 T.R.I.PS TO THE MOON.
so long a time Apollo * should never have got him
a beard, and how there came to be night in heaven,
though the sun is always present there and feasting
with them. I slept a little, and early in the
morning Jupiter ordered the crier to summon a
council of the gods, and when they were all as-
sembled, thus addressed himself to them.
“The stranger who came here yesterday, is the
chief cause of my convening you this day. I have
long wanted to talk with you concerning the philo-
sophers, and the complaints now sent to us from
the Moon make it immediately necessary to take
the affair into consideration. There is lately
sprung up a race of men, slothful, quarrelsome,
vain-glorious, foolish, petulant, gluttonous, proud,
abusive, in short what Homer calls,
“An idle burthen to the ground.” i
These, dividing themselves into sects, run through
all the labyrinths of disputation, calling themselves
* Apollo is always represented as imberbis, or without a
beard, probably from a notion that Phoebus, or the sun, must
be always young.
+ See Homer's ‘ ‘Iliad,” book xviii. 1. 134.
ICARO-MENIPPUS. 189
Stoics, Academics, Epicureans, Peripatetics, and a
hundred other names still more ridiculous; then
wrapping themselves up in the sacred veil of
virtue, they contract their brows and let down
their beards, under a specious appearance hiding
the most abandoned profligacy; like one of the
players on the stage, if you strip him of his fine
habits wrought with gold, all that remains behind
is a ridiculous spectacle of a little contemptible
fellow, hired to appear there for seven drachmas.
And yet these men despise everybody, talk ab-
surdly of the gods, and drawing in a number of
credulous boys, roar to them in a tragical style
about virtue, and enter into disputations that are
endless and unprofitable. To their disciples they
cry up fortitude and temperance, a contempt of
riches and pleasures, and, when alone, indulge in
riot and debauchery. The most intolerable of all
is, that though they contribute nothing towards
the good and welfare of the community, though
they are
“Unknown alike in council and in field ; ”*
* See Homer’s “Iliad,” book ii. 1. 238.
190 TRIPs To THE Moon.
yet are they perpetually finding fault with, abusing,
and reviling others, and he is counted the greatest
amongst them who is most impudent, noisy, and
malevolent ; if one should say to one of these
fellows who speak ill of everybody, “What service
are you of to the commonwealth?” he would reply,
if he spoke fairly and honestly, “To be a sailor or
a soldier, or a husbandman, or a mechanic, I think
beneath me ; but I can make a noise and look
dirty, wash myself in cold water, go barefoot all
winter, and then, like Momus, find fault with
everybody else ; if any rich man sups luxuriously,
I rail at, and abuse him ; but if any of my friends
or acquaintance fall sick, and want my assistance,
I take no notice of them.
“Such, my brother gods, are the cattle" which
I complain of ; and of all these the Epicureans are
the worst, who assert that the gods take no care of
human affairs, or look at all into them: it is high
time, my brethren, that we should take this matter
into consideration, for if once they can persuade
the people to believe these things, you must all
* Greek, 9péupata, what Virgil calls ignavum pecus.
ICARO-MENIPPUS. I91
starve; for who will sacrifice to you, when they
can get nothing by it? What the Moon accuses
you of, you all heard yesterday from the stranger;
consult, therefore, amongst yourselves, and deter-
mine what may best promote the happiness of
mankind, and our own security.” When Jupiter
had thus spoken, the assembly rung with repeated
cries, of “thunder, and lightning ! burn, con-
sume, destroy! down with them into the pit, to
Tartarus, and the giants l’ Jove, however, once
{{\Ore commanding silence, cried out, “It shall
be done as you desire ; they and their philosophy
shall perish together : but at present, no punish-
ments must be inflicted; for these four months
to come, as you all know, it is a solemn feast,
and I have declared a truce : next year, in the
beginning of the spring, my lightning shall de-
stroy them
“As to Menippus, first cutting off his wings
that he may not come here again, let Mercury
carry him down to the earth.”
Saying this, he broke up the assembly, and
Mercury taking me up by my right ear, brought
me down, and left me yesterday evening in the
192 TRIPs To THE Moon.
Ceramicus. And now, my friend, you have heard
everything I had to tell you from heaven ; I must
take my leave, and carry this good news to the
philosophers, who are walking in the Poecile.
V, 3'-

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