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Fontenelle, Bernard Le Bovier le
FONTENELLE'S
DIALOGUES
OF THE
DEAD,
In THREE PARTS.
I. Dialogues of the ANTIENTS.
II. The ANTIENTS with the
MODERNS.
III. The MODERNS.
Tranflated from the French.
With a Reply to fome Remarks in a Critique, call'd
The Judgment of Pluto, &c.
And Two Original DIALOGUES.
LONDON:
Printed for Jacob Tonfon, within Grays-Inn Gate
next Grays-Inn Lane. 1708.
M

29379
566649

0 10-9-40
Blacknell
10-8-40
41553
PLESYR
ST
D'ARMES
To the Right Honourable
THOMAS
Earl of Wharton,
Viſcount Winchindon, and Baron Wharton
of Wharton, Lord Chief Juftice and Ju-
ftice in Eyre of all Her Majefty's Forefts,
Parks and Chaces, on the South-fide
Trent, and one of the Lords of Her
Majefty's moft Honourable Privy Council.
My LORD,
HE greateſt Mark
of Refpect we can
fhew to an ingeni-
ous Stranger, upon his Arri-
val here, is to introduce him
A 2
to

ii
DEDICATION.
to Perfons in the firft Efteem,
for their Quality, Judgment,
and genteel Learning among
us: Tis with this Regard I do
Monfieur Fontenelle, and my
felf, the Honour to preſent
him to Your Lordship, who
are not unacquainted with
the Recommendations he
brings from his Native Coun-
try, and are fo entire a Lover
of Your own, as not to be
difpleas'd to fee him in a
British Habit, tho' perhaps it
is not put on with the beft
Grace. I had, indeed, no
other way to repair the Beau-
ty which my Unskilfulneſs
may have taken from him,
but by adding to him the
Orna-

DEDICATION.
iii
Ornament of fo Illuftrious a
Patron.
And I appeal to all the
World who know my Au-
thor's Character, whether I
cou'd have made a more pro-
per Application. His Wit,
his Learning, his Knowledge
of Mankind, his exquifite
Tafte in all that is Polite, the
Fire of his Imagination, the
uncommon Felicity of his E-
loquence, and the ready Turn
of his Expreffion, are Rea-
fons which the Publick will
think very natural to direct
me in this Addrefs to Your
Lordship. And fince my par-
ticular Obligations have made
it a Duty, I cou'd not omit
A 3
any

iv DEDICATION
any Opportunity of acknow-
ledging Your Lordship's Fa-
vours, which are attended
with all the Circumſtances
proper to leave the most grate-
ful Impreffions.
That Eafinefs of Accefs,
that ftedfaſt Thought, vigo-
rous Purſuit, and fpeedy Exe-
cution, which in Your Lord-
fhip are obferv'd to be of fo
high a Confequence to the
Publick, ferve likewife to
double the private Benefits
You are pleas'd to beftow. It
appears wonderful to thofe
who are permitted to put
their Affairs under Your Lord-
fhip's Patronage, that they fee
themſelves even excus'd from
the

DEDICATION.
V
the Care of being their own
Sollicitors; and certainly 'tis
the moſt ennobl❜d Humanity
of a great Mind, to purfue its
own Pleaſures in affifting the
Fortunes and Happineſs of
others.
But particular Acknow-
ledgments are inconfiderable,
in compariſon to the Thanks
of a Kingdom, which are due
for that Honourable Part
Your Lordship had in effect-
ing the late Happy UNION,
by which we are made fo
fecure at home, and fo firm
in Power, as to give juft Ap-
prehenfion to thofe, who
have always endeavour'd, by
encreafing our Divifions, to
weaken Us.
It

vi DEDICATION.
It is owing to the Wif
dom of thofe Supream Coun-
cils in which Your Lord-
that while
fhip Affifts,
the War is kept at a Di-
flance, we are privileg'd
to purfue, undiſturb'd, the
agreeable Arts and Refine-
ments of Peace. I hope
the little Traffick I have
made, in importing thefe
Pieces of Entertainment
from the Enemy's Country,
will be thought a Pleaſure
no leſs allowable than that
of Drinking their Wines;
and if they have the Ho-
nour of being approv'd by
Your Lordship's Tafte, it is
the beſt Security I wish
aufor

DEDICATION. vii
for their Succefs, and for
the Reputation of,
My LORD,

Your Lordship's
Moft Oblig'd and

moft Dutiful Servant,
John Hughes.


ix
PREFACE.

TH
HE extraordinary Applaufe which
thefe Dialogues have always ob-
tain'd, among the beft Judges, and the Sa-
tisfaction I often had in reading 'em, gave
me, long fince, the Curiofity to enquire if
they had ever been Tranflated; I found
they had, and that it was their particu-
lar Misfortune, foon after they had made
their Reputation in France, to have it
fpoil'd, as much as it cou'd be, by the
very worst of Copiers here; who fo in-
fufferably degraded 'em, both in the
Senfe and Style, by falfe Conftructions
and bad English, that, among the many
Admirers of Monfieur Fontenelle, 'tis
ftrange no body has fooner refcu'd him
from fuch ill Hands, and vindicated both
his Credit, and that of our Language.
If I have fail'd in the Attempt, yet I
have given Opportunity enough to thoſe
who,

PREFACE.
who, if they pleas'd, might have fucceed-
ed better, for moft of this has been
done above fix Years; by which the Rea-
der may judge, that I have not been
very hafty in expofing it. I wish thofe
Gentlemen who have now thought it
worth appearing, wou'd have corrected
its Faults, or cou'd as eaſily cover 'em
from others, as they ſeem willing to
excufe 'em themfelves.
But when I confider what the greater
Part of Tranflations are, I fhall not
wonder if this meet with a common
th a com
Share of Favour; the World is fo
good-natur'd as to receive fome kind-
ly, with very little Reafon. 'Tis well
indeed we do not always enquire into
our Pleaſures, unless we were fure not
to lofe 'em. And whoever dares attack
vulgar Opinion, may venture to fay, it
has not happen'd ill to the Reputation
of one of our moft fam'd Tranflators of
Profe, and Mafters of the English Lan-
guage, that his Copies have but feldom
been examin'd with their Originals.
I know a great many look on Tran-
flating as the eafieft thing in the World,
efpecially from Modern Languages; but
with-

PREFACE.
xi
without troubling the Reader with what
I think the Rules of a good Tranfla-
tion, I will only defire him to diftinguiſh
between Writings of meer Story or Me-
moirs, and Pieces of Wit, and to allow
that there is fomething at leaſt of Art in
imitating well the latter. There is no
great Difficulty in tracing exactly a com-
mon Plan of Building, or a Draught of
Fortification, which may be done by the
Compaffes and Ruler; but to Copy a
Landskip of Salvator Rofa, and keep
his Colouring, and the Manner and Free-
dom of his Pencil, demands not only
fome degree of Judgment but of Fancy
too.
There is, perhaps, fomewhat more
in this Simile; for a Language may
properly be compar'd to Colours,
and if the Painter has bad to work
with, he can only do his beft with 'em,
the Copy will be unequal, and not by
his Fault, and this is the Cafe in many
Tranflations from the Antients: But if
his Colours are equally good, and he fail,
'tis thro' Want of Judgment in applying
'em. Now, I must own, I love my na-
tive Language well enough, to believe
that its Colours are at least equal to thoſe
of

xii
PREFACE.
of any Modern one; tho', in the Style of
Gallantry, the courtly French be allow'd
to have fome peculiar Felicities, not eaſie
to be touch'd in another.
And this has led me into the Character
of Monfieur Fontenelle, who is a wonder-
ful Mafter of the moft diftinguiſhing
gallant Manner of any Writer that is
known, not excepting a very polite Man
of the fame Nation, who liv'd among
us. In all his Writings he chooſes the
Style and Air of Converfation, and no
where appears with the Formality of an
Author, which makes him particularly
Entertaining, and is no fmall part of his
Excellence, fince few are fo reafonable
as to content themſelves with being in-
ftructed, if they are not pleas'd. 'Tis a
Secret almoft wholly his own, to fay the
moft extraordinary things fo carelessly,
as if he were fcarce fenfible he had faid
any thing uncommon. He has a Wit
which gives to every Subject the moſt
agreeable and furprizing Turns in the
World. The Edge of his Satyr is fine;
he always preferves his good Humour;
his Mirth has ever fomething folid, and
his moft judicious Reflections are mix'd
with Pleafantry.
+
'Tis

PREFACE.
xiii
*
'Tis this free and pleaſant Genius, that,
in his Plurality of Worlds, taught him to
deliver, in a genteel Converfation with a
Lady, the moft exalted Notions of the
Modern Philofophy, a Maſter-piece of
Wit, and particularly admir'd by Sir Wil-
liam Temple, a Gentleman who declar'd
himfelf fo paffionately fond of the An-
tients, as to have but few Commenda-
tions to fpare for any Modern, either of
his own Nation or any other. But tho'
in thoſe Difcourfes Fontenelle has admi-
rably beautify'd the Diſcoveries and Rea-
fonings he borrow'd from others, yet it
muſt be obferv'd, that in his Dialogues
the Materials are more his own.
As for the Defign of 'em, he fufficient-
ly explains it in his Letter to Lucian.
He took the Project, as he owns, from
that celebrated Greek Wit, to whofe Re-
putation he pays a grateful Honour. But
how modeftly foever he thought it de-
cent to ſpeak of himſelf, it may be here
faid by another, to do him Juftice,
that he has refin'd upon his Predeceffor.
Lucian
Efay on Ancient and Modern Learning.

xiv
PREFACE.
Lucian laughs too loud, is often licentious,
and fometimes courfe in his Raillery:
He has not thought it fufficient to make
his Dead reafon, but they fcold too, and
are ready to fight in the Prefence of Ju-
piter himſelf. Thus Hercules, for In-
ftance, and Efculapius are difputing the
upper Place at the Banquet of the Gods.
Hercules calls Efeulapius pitiful Quack;
t'other returns the Civility with fuch ſmart
Language, that the brawny Hector, in a
Fury, threatens his Brother Demi-God to
fling him, for a foul-mouth'd Villain, out
of Heav'n, and dafh his Brains out, in
fpight of his Immortality. To prevent
which, Jupiter commands 'em to be quiet,
or he'll turn 'em both from Table, and
asks a Queſtion which Lucian himself
ought to have confider'd, viz. Whether
this be decent, or like a Banquet of the
Gods?
Before I conclude this Preface, I wou'd
willingly defend my Author from fome of
the Cavils of a Critique of his own Nati-
on, in a Piece call'd Jugement de Pla-
ton, &c. which has been more read than
perhaps it deferves, by its having the For-
tune to be commonly bound up,in French,
with the Dialogues. The Author thought
*
it

PREFACE.
XV
it prudent to conceal himfelf; but the
Copy was convey'd to Fontenelle's Book-
feller, who wou'd not Print it without his
Permiffion, which occafion'd a Letter
from him to this Effect.
Tou inform me of feveral Critiques writ
upon me. I think my felf much honour'd
by 'em, and if they come to your Hands,
and you believe it worth your Coft, print
'em all; for I'll make no ufe of the Power
you give me of fuppreffing 'em. I ne'er
pretended to a faultless Work; and if
thofe Critiques are not abufive, 'tis all I
defire.
The genteel Carelessnefs of this Letter,
and the Freedom from Vanity, which ap-
pears in the Writer, exemplifies that fine
Remark in one of his Dialogues, That
Men of Wit fhou'd be fuperior to their own
Talent. There is a quite contrary Air
in the Judgment of Pluto, and, in my O-
pinion, there is not much to be fear'd
from the Reflections of a Gentleman who
thinks fit to preface 'em with fuch a De-
claration as this: I wou'd undertake, as
lazy as I am, to critique all the Books
that are made, and yet have time enough
left to be idle ftill: And he finds it fome-
a
thing

xvi
PREFACE.
thing hard to give a Reafon why he writ
at all-Tis not to oppofe the Success of
the Dialogues-Tis not to fhew there
are Faults-
Tis not to infinuate that
he cou'd mend 'em-What is it then ?---
Why, he can't very well tell 'Twas
Monfieur, his Patron, oblig'd him to
write, and 'twas to do a Favour to the
Author of the Dialogues, who, it ſeems,
had been rudely handl'd in a frivolous Ma-
nufcript, fo that upon this Account 'twas
thought proper and civil to write fome-
thing or other, that fhou'd be more Se-
vere, but lefs Abufive. Yet whether this
Gentleman does not, in many Instances,
deferve to be rank'd among thofe harmleſs
Criticks, qui ne critiquent Rien, to ufe
his own Expreffion, and who are like
People that talk a great deal, yet fay no-
thing, let the Reader judge by fome of
his Remarks which I fhall mention, for
'tis not worth while to take notice of 'em
all.
I muſt firſt obſerve that his Critique is
an arrant Romance, and begins, as they all
do, with a Surprize, and a Defcription.
The Dead are in the utmost Confufion.
All for fake their different Quarters.
Hero's and Whores are mingled together,
Princes

PREFACE.
xvil
Princes and Philofophers, and without
any Diftinction of Quality or Precedences
which you'll fay is ftrange among the
Dead, and who fo fit as a French Cri-
tick to adjuft it? Pluto, therefore, to be
reveng'd of the Book that occafion'd
this Diſorder, holds a Quorum with his
two Brother Judges to try the Dia-
logues, and tho' he is own'd to be no
nice Difcerner in the Matter before him,
he fummons all Parties concern'd to bring
in their Complaints.
I fuppofe this Author's Cafe was
fomething like that of a Poet I have
heard of, who writ a Play for the fake
of a good Story, and a fmart Jeft he
had got to put in it. Why all this
Pomp elfe and Embelliſhment, this Gar-
nifh of Fable and Epifode, about a few
Critical Remarks? It gives him, indeed,
an Occafion to exercife his Wit, but
makes him a very loofe Reafoner; fo
that a Turn of Fancy often fupplies
the Want of an Argument, according
to the commodious manner of moft
Criticks, who do not always condefcend
to make good their Objections, but
think it enough that they have ftarted
'em.
22
Cato

XVIH
PREFACE.
Cato is first introduc'd demanding
Juftice; his Death is fomewhat fevere-
ly examin'd in the Dialogue between
Adrian and Margaret of Auftria, the
Subject of which is to enquire what
Deaths are the moft Philofophical, and
Cato's Behaviour, and Adrian's are
compar'd and cenfur'd for being both
faulty in the two Extreams; fo that 'tis
not very material to know, whether
Cato or Adrian better acted the Philo-
fopher, if they were both in the wrong,
and there is no ground for his Remark,
that Cato and Adrian are made to ex-
change their Characters: Nor for that
fooliſh Queſtion, Whether in order to
make a decent Exit, a Hero must make
Verfes, or a Maid bewail her Virginity?
This is wide of the Moral, and he might
as well ask whether 'twou'd be Heroick
for a Man to Dance upon the Scaffold,
where he is to be broke upon the Wheel,
which the Duke de la Rochefoucault fays
a Footman did in France, and mentions
that as an Inftance of fome who have ap-
pear'd to defpife Death.
But there is another Queſtion more
material, Where is the Refpect due to An-
tiquity,

PREFACE.
xix
tiquity, and why must its Hero's be de-
graded? This hangs much in his Head,
and he often repeats it afterwards; there-
fore, once for all, what fignifies Refpect to
Antiquity, when we wou'd difcover Truth?
Is Cato's Death the more commendable in
it felf, becauſe it has had the Applaufe of
the Majority for feventeen hundred Years,
and is it impoffible that the Majority
fhou'd be (as they often are) in the
wrong? Twou'd be more proper to en-
quire what the Few of better Senfe think
of Cato's Death, for fuch will not acquit
him, becauſe 'twas long ago, or becaufe
the Action has been greatly told, if it
cannot be found agreeable to Reafon-
And if that had govern'd Cato, he cer-
tainly had not kill'd himself, but had fub-
du'd his furly Temper, and accepted
Cafar's Pardon, tho' it had fpoil'd a fine
Story for the Tragedians.
To fpeak feriously, I cannot fee any
ill Confequence in degrading fuch a Death,
or ftripping it of its falfe Bravery; for,
what is there in the Example that is ufe-
ful? Thefe Roman Strains were only the
Effect of a Baftard Virtue; not the For-
titude of a Hero, but the Cowardife of
an uneafie Spirit that cou'd bear Life no
longer,
a 3

XX
PREFACE.
longer, when attended with Difappoint-
ment; or the Rafhnefs and Paffion of a
Gamefter, that throws up the Cards when
he ought to play out the Game. And,
indeed, of all voluntary Deaths, tho' none
certainly are juftifiable, I fhou'd rather
prefer that of Pomponius Atticus, a Ro-
man Gentleman, whofe Character, tho'
extreamly valuable, has not been fo noted
as many of more publick Action, and
who, upon the Principles of a Philofo-
pher, appears to have acted with much
more Serenity than Cato. He was near
Fourfcore when he was fiez'd with a Di-
ftemper, which encreafing for three
Months grew extreamly painful: He had
treated it with variety of Medicines, but
finding 'twas in vain, he fent for two or
three of his Friends, and, as Cornelius
Nepos, who was acquainted with him,
relates, he spoke to 'em in this manner,
"You are my Witneffes that I have done
"what is poffible for a Man to do to re-
"cover his Health; therefore having given
you, I hope, Satisfaction, it remains,
"that I tell you, I will nourish my Diftem-
per no longer; and I conjure you not
" to endeavour to diffuade me from my
"fix'd Refolution, which is to take no
"more Food, fince 'tis but to protract my
66
CC
"Life

PREFACE.
"Life in Pain, without the Probability of
"a Cure.- He fpoke this, the Hi-
ftorian fays, with fuch a firm Voice,
as if he were not quitting Life, but on-
ly paffing out of one Houfe into ano-
ther. His Son-in-Law Agrippa kifs'd
him, and with Tears begg'd him to al-
ter his Purpofe; he gave him no Anſwer,
but perfifting in what he had decreed,
in about five Days put an end to a Life,
which was become burthenfom to him-
felf, and uncapable of further Ufefulness
to his Friends.
But this degrading the Hero's of An-
tiquity is, it feems, a Crime which runs
thro' our Author's whole Book, and
where's the Wonder? fince the very End
of Writing it was to unmafque Cha-
racters, to difrobe counterfeit Virtue,
and attack common Opinion and Pre-
poffeffions. The Critick's Zeal for Cato
made him try that Caufe firft; but he
has not overlook'd the Affront, which in
the Beginning is offer'd to Alexander the
Great: The Author of the Dialogues,
fays he, has learn'd from his Mafter
Lucian not to refpect what the World com-
monly refpects. A heavy Charge! for
Lucian had attack'd Alexander before,
and
24

Xxii
PREFACE.
and it is thought barbarous that Fontes
nelle fhou'd bring him into Play again,
and, which is worfe, make a Lady of
Pleafure read him Lectures of the Art
of War.
Now I will own he's a great Difco-
verer that can learn by that Dialogue
how to form a Siege, or make the Di-
fpofition of an Army, or fhew that Phrine,
as he affirms, underftands War as if she
had been bred in the Camp. 'Tis under-
ftood then in three or four Words; for
all the fays of it is, That his Officers and
Soldiers, and Fortune it felf, had a Share
in his Conquefts, and that if he had only
fubdu'd Greece, and a few lands, or
part of Afia, he had ne'er been nois'd about
for fo mighty a Conqueror. But Phrine
infults Alexander, and pretends to regu-
late the number of his Conquefts, and this
is thought unnatural. As if it were
ftrange to imagine, that a Lady of her
Character fhou'd be brisk at Repartée;
and, for the counfelling Part, if the Au-
thor had given her more Politicks than
he has, fhe wou'd not be the only Mifs
of Quality that has prefcrib'd Meafures to
a Monarch, with the Name of GREAT;
and therefore for his Remark that Phrine.
fhou'd

PREFAC E.
XXIII
fhou'd not meddle beyond her own Trade,
let him try if he can make it pafs in a
Whiſper at the Chambers of Versailles,
or the Louvre.
In Truth there is not one Word in
that Dialogue relating to War as an
Art, but only to the extravagant Con-
duct of a Man that difturb'd the whole
Earth in Purfuit of a falfe Glory; the
Decorum therefore is exact, and the Moral
admirable, and the rather, becauſe it comes
from the Pen of one who has the Misfor-
tune to live under a Prince that exactly
copies Alexander's Ambition, without
either his Courage or his Clemency.
And it may be proper to ask this
Adorer of Antiquity, whether he has ne-
ver feen what one of the graveft of the
Antients, who is no Banterer like Lu-
cian, has faid of Alexander; and whe-
ther the Felix Prado in the Pharfalia,
is not a feverer Stroke than anyModern
has given him? The Character is warmly
writ in Lucan's Tenth Book, where
having mention'd the Vault at Alexan-
dria, in which the Kings of Egypt were
bury'd, he fays,
Illic

xxiv
PREFACE.
Illic Pellai Proles vefana Philippi
Felix Prado jacet,terrarum vindice Fato
Raptus, &c.
Philip's mad Son, the profprous Robber,
bound
In Fate's eternal Chains, here fleeps pro-
found,
Whom Death forbad his Rapines to purfue,
And in the World's Revenge the mighty
Monster flew.
The whole Paffage is admirable, in which
he runs over in a fhort Sketch the Hiſtory
of that Prince; but I muft not take up
fo much of my Reader's time, as to in-
fert it here.
The next Caufe that comes on is Ari-
ftotle's, who is inftructed by his Learned
Council to fay, that the Dialogues have
done him as much Wrong as they have
done his Scholar Alexander. He com-
plains, that he is topp'd by an old De-
bauchée; yet owns his chief Grievance
is, not fo much that Anacreon gets the
Victory, as that he himself is not allow'd
to talk his Share, and to difpute a little.
Does not this look as if the Critick had
taken a Fee on t'other fide, to make mer-
ry

PREFACE.
XXV
ry with his Client? For, what cou'd any
one fay more to the Purpoſe, to expofe
the Pride of a Philofopher who regards
not Truth, but Contention? And Pluto
afterwards gives Sentence, That Ariftotle
ought to anfwer his Antagonist, and that a
little Song fhou'd not weigh as much as
many bulky Folio's.
I fhou'd think that any Reader,who did
not wear the Spectacles of a Critick, which
are curiouſly made to difcernFaults that are
not, and to hide real Beauties, wou'd pre-
fently perceive that the Satire is the more
fevere in making a Pleafurift moralize to
a Philofopher; and that the Author's
Defign was, not to recommend Anacreon,
(unlefs for the Eafinefs of his Temper)
but to reprehend Ariftotle for his Pride
and Avarice. And if any thing more is
to be wifh'd for in that Dialogue, it is
only, that, to make the Moral yet more
compleat, Anacreon had been reminded
in his Turn, that a Wife Man is to mo-
derate his Appetite to Pleaſure too, as
well as his Ambition of Greatneſs and
Riches.
Homer is another of the Antients that
appeals for Juftice; his Complaint is that
in

xxvi
PREFACE.
in the Dialogue with Efop he is made
to fpeak ill of himself, which, he fays, is
treating him worse than he was treated
by Lucian. And he makes, on the Occa-
fion, a founding Harrangue to Pluto about
the infinite number of his Adorers, and
about his Name, which in Lucian's time
had been eftablifb'd above a thousand Years,
and has now an Antiquity of near three
thousand-So that he intends to prove,
I fuppofe, by undoubted Chronology, that
Fontenelle's Affront of him is almoſt three
times as great as Lucian's: And yet, af-
ter all, there is no Affront offer'd him.
ea
For, that in which he is faid to fpeak
against himſelf, is only his difowning the
Myfteries in his Works. The Critick there-
fore fuppofes there are Myfteries, or elfe
Homer fuffers no Wrong by difowning
'em. And thus he has brought himfelf
in for a Share in the Ridicule of that Dia-
logue, which was intended, not againft
Homer, but againſt the Abfurdity of fome
of his Pedant Expofitors, who happen'd,
I know not how, to dream, that the
Secrets of every Art, and Science, and In-
vention whatever, were couch'd in the
Writings of this great Poet. And poffi-
bly they might, with the fame Force of
Imagi-

PREFACE
xxvii
Imagination, after long looking on fome
venerable old Ruin, come to fee plainly
Homer's Picture in it, or Achilles in his
Boots, and all the Battels of the Trojan
War.
But the Quarrel does not end here;
'tis taken up again upon the reading of
the Dialogue between Helen and Fulvia,
and Homer immediately in a Rage cries
out--What always upon me! Is the
Publick to be diverted at no bodies Coft
but mine ?Is this the way to be a
Wit? And fo he goes raving on,
'till poor Fulvia, to make him Satisfacti-
on, is forc'd to difavow what the faid in
the Dialogue.
Now let the Reader judge who has
moft abus'd Homer, my Author, or the
Critick, who paints him with the Jea-
loufie of a Madman that is perpetually
crying Murder, when no body offers to
hurt him. For Fontenelle rallies only the
Greeks and Trojans, not the Poet who
has writ of 'em. He propofes to fhew
what flender and ridiculous Springs often
produce the greateſt Events in the World:
Hiftory affords many Inftances of this
the Story of Octavius and Anthony is
one.

xxviii
PREFACE.
one. And fince 'tis undoubted that the
Story of Troy too, which Homer has fo
finely amplify'd, had its Foundation
in Truth, let the Critick help us, if he
can, to a more compleat Syftem of hu-
man Follies, than to imagine Treaties,
Councils, Debates, Battels, Sieges, and
the Blood and Treaſure of feveral Nati-
ons confum'd for ten Years together, in
the important Quarrel of a Cuckold and a
Whore.
I muſt not omit to mention one more
of the Antients, who is made to arraign
the Dialogues, with as little Reafon as
Homer, and that is Virgil. In the Intro-
duction to the Georgicks he has made
Auguftus a God, and offer'd him to chooſe
his Province in Heaven, which Fontenelle
thinks fomewhat Extraordinary, and pof-
fibly it may with more Reafon appear fo
to us rude Iſlanders, who have not been
accuftom'd to the Mode of Stile, which
is fo familiar of late in French Panegy-
ricks.
The Critick obferves, that Julius
Cafar had been deify'd before, and he
might have mention'd Romulus, the first
Inftance of that kind of Folly which be-
+
gan

PREFACE.
xxix
gan early among the Romans, tho' it was
a Complement very unprofitable to him,
being made after his Death to ſerve a
Turn of State. It is true, therefore, that
Virgil might plead Precedents in the Cafe;
but after all, this Gentleman miſtakes the
principal Deſign of the Dialogue in which
'tis mention'd, and hunts, as he often
does, upon a wrong Scent. 'Tis that
between Auguftus and Aretin, the Bu-
finefs of which is to enquire what fort of
Praiſes are the most valuable, and the
Reflections which Fontenelle has put
into the Mouth of Aretin, who was
call'd The Scourge of Princes, are not
intended to burlefque the Georgicks,
but to tax the Vanity of the Emperor,
and, indeed, of all Princes who fuffer
themſelves to be complemented into Di-
vinity, which is, and ever will be, an
Affront to the common Senfe of Man-
kind, tho' Flattery and Superftition had
made an Apotheofis ever fo cuftomary.
There is certainly much more Decorum
in the Praiſe beſtow'd by the fame Poet on
Cato, in the Defcription of Eneas's
Shield, on which Vulcan Prophetically
figures the Roman Hiftory, and the Ely-
fian Fields,
Secre

XXX
PREFACE.
Secretofq; pios, & his dantem jura
Catonem.
The Band Select of Pious Souls he draws,
And Cato's happy Shade to thefe pre-
fcribing Laws.
This, indeed, is admirable; and becaufe
Fontenelle allows it to be fo, the Critick
thinks he has catch'd him at a Contra-
diction, and makes Cato in his new-fafhi-
on Novel cry out Then I was no fuch
Poltron as cou'd neither live nor die
with a Grace! Let me have my Character
fix'd, and tell me what I must pass for.-
But he might have fpar'd his Speech,
unleſs he can fhew, that my Author, by
mentioning this Paffage, eftabliſhes the
Merit of Cato's Behaviour in killing him-
felf, which he has elſewhere cenfur'd.
Inftead of that, 'tis plain he only com-
mends the Poet for the Addrefs and Ge-
nerofity of that Complement, becaufe
Cato was dead, and cou'd not acknowledge
the Favour.
I thought my felf oblig'd particularly to
confider thefe Complaints, in which the
Honour of the Antients is, by this Gen-
tleman,

PREFACE.
xxxi
tleman reprefented to be fo much concern'd.
As for his minute Raillery upon Sentences
and Words, his raifing Objections, and
then debating 'em 'till they are loft, or
reduc'd to fomething not worth exami-
ning, (as if he had writ by the Page, and
refolv'd to fill up a certain number) I
will only fay, that the Idea which Fon-
tenelle form'd of his Dead was, that they
ought not to be great Talkers; but the
Critick, refolving to oppofe him in every
thing, feems to have defign'd, that his
Judgment of PLUTO fhou'd exactly re-
prefent a Trial among the Living, in which
there are many Impertinencies and much
Mif-Reprefentation, and every Witness
is heard at large what he has to fay, tho'
more than half of it be nothing to the
Purpoſe.
Therefore I pafs over a great many of
his fine frivolous Amplifications, in which
he feems wonderfully delighted with the
Fertility of his own Wit, and wou'd be
glad to know what the Novel-Writer
(which, I think,is moft properly his Name)
means by that notable Epifode of Pe-
trarch's coming before Pluto, and com-
plaining, That his Laura is fpoil'd, that
fhe is turn'd a Reafoner, and that when
b
he

xxxii
PREFACE.
be wou'd have faid fome Gallant Things to
her, fhe fet her felf to argue with him--
I can make nothing of it, but only, that
if this Gallant Writer had appointed her
Part in the Dialogues, the thou'd have
fcorn'd mufty Morals, and appear'd only
in a languifhing Tête à Tête with her
Lover. He finds it dangerous, even a-
mong the Dead, That Women fhou'd be
great Reafoners, for fear of the Confe
quences, and he will not allow the Mi-
ftrefs of Petrarch to make Reflections,
left his own, I fuppofe, fhou'd get the
Secret.
The fame folid Objection is made a-
gainst Anne of Britany, and Mary of
England, who are accus'd for Speculations
and Sentences, and for faying nothing that
is common. Now to this Charge let my
Author anfwer for himſelf, who fays
he has made all his Dead moralize, be-
caufe * 'twou'd not elfe have been worth
while to make 'em fpeak, for the Living
might fuffice to fay things of no Ufe. But
the Critick wifely knowing himfelf to
be a Party concern'd in this Reflection,
Letter to Lucian.
refoly'd

PREFACE.
xxxiii
refolv'd not to pafs by the Affront, and
has therefore drawn up a Letter of Coin-
plaint from the Living to the Dead, and
fends it in all hafte by the God Mercury;
who, tho' he had always been Jupiter's
Meffenger, and fometimes his Pimp, yet
never was employ'd to run of Errands for
fimple Mortals before: The Contents are,
to acquaint the Inhabitants of Darknefs,
that the Living have feriously examin'd
the matter, and are pofitive there is no-
thing in the Dialogues which exceeds
their Capacity, and that 'tis not neceffary
to be dead, in order to fay things as ra-
tional and as full of Morality as are there
faid. To which fage Remonftrance
Pluto gives his Affent, and, indeed, cou'd
do no lefs, fince 'tis certain, that the
Author of the Dialogues himfelf was alive
when he writ 'em.
But tho' the Novelift wou'd not allow
of Female Reafoners, becauſe he appre-
hends it dangerous, yet methinks he
might allow fo confiderable an Emperor
as Charles V. to mention the Fibres of
the Brain in a Converfation with Eraf-
mus, and yet not fufpect him of too much
Learning or Judgment in Anatomy, nor
of Pedantry in the Expreffion, which was
b 2
the

xxxίν
PREFACE.
the only proper one to the Occafion. Per-
haps I must not venture to fay as much
for Berenice, who is thought to have flu-
dy'd too much, becauſe the ufes the Word
Grammatical, and talks of Diſputes about
the changing a few Letters in a Name.
So eafie a thing it is to be Learned, ac-
cording to our Critick's Account, that
one very common Term of Anatomy can
turn an Emperor into a Doctor, and a
fingle Word make a Queen a Gramma-
rian,
And, no doubt, if Queen Elizabeth,
or Chriftina, had us'd the fame, it wou'd
have offended the Ear of fo nice a Judge,
who, it feems, has never heard of Learned
Princeffes; and tho' he cannot tell whe-,
ther Berenice was not really one, yet he
thinks the bare Sufpicion fo indecent, that
he will not allow of the leaft Syllable that
may be thought to have a Relifh of it.
'Tis for a like Reafon, I fuppofe, that
Montezuma is afterwards accus'd for ha-
ving too much Knowledge in Hiftory; tho'
Fontenelle does not fuppofe him to have
brought it from Mexico, but makes him
fay he learn'd it in his Converfations with
the Dead. But what Converfations wou'd
thofe

PREFACE.
XXXV
thoſe be,if the Dead were to be made fuch
Infipids as the Judgment of PLUTO
wou'd allow, or how impertinent if they
were all Criticks!
And the Reader may judge what fine
Morals he might have expected, if the
Characters and Difcourfes in thefe Dia-
logues had been regulated by the Nove-
lift, who is offended becaufe David Ric-
cio, a Mufician, does not talk to the
Queen of Scots in his Quality of a Minifter
of State, and with all the Ambition he had
upon Earth; tho' after its having coft
him his Life, Fontenelle thought it time
to make him lay it down, and reafon in
a manner fomewhat more Solid and In-
ftructive.
This gives me Occafion to obferve, that
'tis every where a principal Beauty of the
Dialogues, what this Writer is fo grofs
as to miftake for a Fault. The Perfons
intereſted in 'em are not always made to
act that Part of their Character which is
the most obvious. Death is fuppos'd to
have enlarg'd their Views, corrected their
Reafonings, and ftripp'd off their Dif
guifes; and 'tis not ftrange to find Plato
ufe a much more intelligible Style than
b 3
in

xxxvi
PREFACE.
in his Philofophy; nor is it a Fault that
Raphael does not talk of his Profeffion,
as the Author of this critical Novel wou'd
have him. It wou'd, doubtlefs, have been
very Ingenious and Diverting, to have
put him upon teaching the Arts of Sculp-
ture and Painting among the Dead. But
Fontenelle thought it might do as well to
find him other Bufinefs, and from a
known Paffage in his Hiftory, to make
him expofe the Imperfection of Human
Reafon, and the fantaftical Condition
of Life, both which make Prejudices,
in a manner, neceffary.
It will not be difficult, I believe, for
any one who takes this Thought with
him, to be at a Lofs, as Pluto is, to
unravel the Meaning of that Dialogue;
no body, furely, can think it is feriouſly
to commend Prejudices. For it muſt be
confider'd, 'tis the Genius of Satire, of-
ten to fay things for which there is fome
Occafion given, and yet which cannot
be admitted for abfolute Truths. I will
mention another Example, which is that
of Montezuma-. It was our Happiness
not to have known there were Sciences,
we fhou'd not elfe, perhaps, have had
the Prudence to forbear being Learned.
Now

PREFACE.
xxxvii
Now this is by no means a Satire upon
Learning, but upon thofe, who having
fo boafted an Advantage, make little or
no Uſe of it, and therefore give Occa-
fion to fuch a Reflection. I cou'd cite
parallel * Inftances, to juftifie this, out
of a Sacred Book, writ by the wifeft of
Men, and which is the fineft Satire upon
the Vanity of Human Life, of any that
is extant, and yet no body can under-
ftand all that is there faid, unlefs in a
qualify'd Senfe.
But there is nothing more eafie than
Criticifm, if a Man will refolve to take
every thing in a wrong Meaning, and
then fall on without Mercy. 'Twas by this
Art the Author of PLUTO's Judgment
found that Eroftratus was made a Hero,
and that Parmenifcus talks unintelligi-
bly; both which, and many other of his
Cavils, which I have omitted, only accufe
him of a grofs Apprehenfion, and it is
very eafie, but unneceffary, to refute
'em. I wish I cou'd as eafily excufe
the Freedom my Author has taken in
one Dialogue, where I think he has
been
b 4
*He that encreafes Knowledge encreafes Sorrow.

Xxxviii PREFACE.
been much too bold with a Queen of
England, for which I will leave him to
the Mercy of the Criticks and the La-
dies. And if the latter fhou'd be angry
with him too, for making Fidelity in
their Lovers next to a * Miracle, which
feems to queftion their Charms, per-
haps Fidelity was never among Monfieur
Fontenelle's Virtues, as it might have
been if he had liv'd in an Ifland where
there is the moft Beauty and Merit to
ſupport it.
After all, I do not undertake to de-
fend my Author from any thing that
may appear to be really a Fault, in the
Opinion of better Judges than the Wri-
ter I have been difputing with. It re-
quir'd, I think, no great Skill or Study to
anfwer his Judgment of PLUTO; and
he muft forgive me if I end here, as he
begun, only with a little Alteration of his
Words That a Man who is very lazy
may criticife twenty fuch Criticks as he,
and yet have time enough to be idle ftill.
I had almoft forgot to mention two Dia-
logues of my own, in which, I'm afraid,
there
Dialogue of Callirrhea and Paulina, p. 32.

PREFACE.
xxxix
there is more Work for Criticifm, than
in all Fontenelle's together. I endea-
vour'd, feveral Years ago, to write 'em
in Imitation of his Manner; and tho' I
have now fuffer'd 'em to be printed, I
can make no Apology for 'em, but only,
that the fhorteft Errors are the moſt
likely to be pardon'd, and that is the
Reaſon why I added no more.
THE


xli
THE
CONTENTS.
O LUCIAN in the Elizian Fields.
T°
TO LUC
Page xlv.
Dialogues of the ANTIENTS.
P. 9
I. Alexander and Phrine. What Characters
make the greatest Noife.
Page. I
II. Milo and Smindirides. Of Delicacy.p.6
III. Dido and Stratonice. Of the Intrigue
which Virgil feigns of Dido.
IV. Anacreon and Ariftotle. Of Philofo-
phy.
V. Homer and Elop. Of the Myfteries
faid to be in Homer's Works.
VI. Athenais and Icafia. Of the Fantaftical-
ness of Fortunes.
p. 13
p. 19
p. 23
P. 27
VII. Eroftratus and Demetrius Phalereus.That
the Paffions are neceffary, tho' fometimes
deftructive.
VIII. Callirhea and Paulina. That People will
deceive themfelves as much as they have
Occafion for.
P. 32
IX. Candaulus and Gyges. Of Pride and
Indifcretion.
P. 38
X. He-

xlii
The CONTENTS.
X. Helen and Fulvia. On great Events. p.42
XI. Parmenifcus and Theocritus of Chios.
That Reafon is chagrin, and not always
useful.
XII. Brutus and Fauftina. On the Sentiment
p. 46
of Liberty.
P. 55
Dialogues of the ANTIENTS with
the MODERNS.
1. Auguftus and Peter Aretin. On Praifes.
Page. 61
II. Sappho and Laura. Whether it wou'd be
beft that the Men court the Women, or the
Women the Men.
P 68
III. Socrates and Montaign. Whether the An-
tients had more Virtue than the Moderns.p.72
IV. Adrian the Emperor and Margaret of Au-
ftria. What Deaths are the most extraordi-
nary.
p.78
V. Erafiftratus and Harvey. Of what Ufe are
the Modern Difcoveries in Natural Philo-
fophy and Phyfick.
P. 86
VI. Berenice and Cofmo II. of Medicis. Con-
cerning Immortality of Name.
p. 90
VII. Seneca and Marot. Whether the Wif
dom which proceeds from Reafon is more to
be depended on than that which proceeds
from Temper.
P. 94
VIII. Ar-

The CONTENTS.
xliii
VIII. Artemifia and Raymond Lully. On the
Perfection to which Men afpire. p. 100
IX. Apicius and Galileo. That new Know-
ledge can be difcover'd, but not new Plea-
fures.
p. 105
X. Plato and Margaret of Scotland. Of Pla-
tonick Love.
p. 109
XI. Strato and Raphel d' Urbin. On Pre-
judices.
P. 116
XII. Lucretia and B. Plomberg. That Glory
is a ftronger Motive than Duty.
I.
P. 122
Dialogues of the MODERNS.
'A'
NNE of Britany and Mary of England.
A Comparison of Ambition and
Love.
P. 131
II. Charles V. and Erafmus. Whether there is
any thing on which we may be vain. p.138
III. Queen Elizabeth and the Duke of Alen-
P. 152
çon. On the little Solidity of Pleasures.p.143
IV. William of Cabeftan and A. Frederick of
Brandenburg. On Madness. P. 147
V. Agnes Sorel and Roxalana. On the Power
of Women.
VI. Joan Queen of Naples and Anfelm. On
Inquietude and Curiosity about the Future.
P. 158
VII. Soliman and Julietta of Gonzaga. That
Happiness in Love must be reciprocal, and
at

xliv The CONTENTS.
p. 163
that there is fomewhat in Vanity which
may be good.
VIII. Paracelfus and Moliere. Of imaginary
Sciences, and of Comedy.
P. 167
IX. Mary Queen of Scots and David Riccio.
Whether one can be happy by Reafon. p. 173
X. The Third falfe Demetrius and Defcartes.
That Men will never quit the Search of
Truth tho unfuccessful.
P. 177
XI. Anna Bullen and the Dutchess of Va-
lentinois. By what Means extraordinary
Things are effected.
P. 183
XII. Cortez and Montezuma. What is the
Difference between barbarous Nations and
fuch as are Polite.
'L'
Two Original Dialogues.
p.188
Ucius Junius Brutus and Auguftus
Cæfar. That the greatest Characters
may be criticis'd.
P. 197
II. Empedocles and Lucilio Vanini. Of the
Multitudes that have been Martyrs to
Folly.
P. 205
то

xlv
TO
LUCIAN
I
IN THE
ELIZIAN Fields.
Illuftrious Shade,
an
Think my felf oblig'd, in Juftice, to
pay you fome fort of Homage for an
Idea I have borrow'd from you. That
Author, who has furnish'd the greatest
Aids to a Book, is certainly the true
Hero of the Dedication; His Praifes we
can publish with the moft Sincerity, and
'tis him we ought to choofe our Patron.
Perhaps I fhall be thought too affur'd,
for daring to Work after your Plan: But
I

xlvi To LUCIAN.
Ifbou'd think my felf much more fo, if I
ventur'd upon one of my own. I have
Some Reafon now to flatter my felf,
that the Materials, which are mine, will
be receiv'd for the fake of the Defign,
which is yours. And I will venture
to fay, that if my Dialogues, by chance,
fhou'd find fome Small Success, they
wou'd do you more Honour than even your
own have done; fince it wou'd appear,
that this Idea is in it felf fo beautiful, that
it does not need to be skilfully executed.
For my own particular, I have had fuch
a firm Dependance upon it, that I have
believ'd a Part of it fufficient for me. I
have therefore laid afide Pluto, Charon,
Cerberus, and whatever elfe belongs to the
Inferi. But how concern'd am I to think
that you have exhaufted all thofe fine
Subjects of the Equality among the Dead,
of their Regret of Life, of the falle
Conftancy which Philofophers affect to
fhew in Death, of the ridiculous Destiny
of thofe young People who die before old
Men, whom they made Court to, and
thought

in the Elizian Fields.
xlvii
thought themfelves fure to inherit. Yet,
the Defign being wholly yours, twas but
reafonable, I confefs, you shou'd make
the best of your own Invention, and
choofe that which was the most beautiful
in it.
I have endeavour'd, at leaft, to imi-
tate you in the End you propos'd. As
all your Dialogues include their Moral,
fo all my Dead moralize; 'twou'd not
elfe have been worth while to make 'em
Speak, for the Living might have fuffie'd
to fay Things of no Ufe. There's this
Conveniency too, that it may be fuppos'd
the Dead are People of deep Reflection, as
well from their Experience as their Lei-
fure; and it ought to be believ'd, for
their Honour, that they think fomewhat
more than is ufual in Life. They reafon
on things above, better than we, becaufe
they regard 'em with much more In-
difference and Tranquility, and they
are inclin'd to reafon on 'em, becaufe
they fill pretend to fome remaining In-
tereft
C

xlviii To LUCIAN
tereft in 'em. You have made the greateft
part of their Dialogues fo fhort, that it
appears you did not take 'em for great
Talkers, and I have readily fallen in with
your Opinion. For the Dead, not wan-
ting Senfe, muft prefently fee to the End
of things. I found no Difficulty likewife
to imagine, that they might be inlighten'd
enough to agree upon every thing with
one another, and confequently not to
wrangle, or but very rarely. For I fancy
Difputing belongs only to Us Ignorants,
who do not difcover the Truth; as'tis a
Misfortune incident only to the Blind,
who can't fee the Point they are making
towards, to fall out and jufle in the
Road. But we cannot, here above, con-
ceive how the Dead fhou'd have chang'd
their Characters fo far as no longer to have
any oppofite Sentiments: For when we
have once in the World conceiv'd an Opi-
nion of People, we know not how to part
with it. Thus then I have apply'd my felf
to bring the Dead into Knowledge again,
at leaft thofe who are of much Note. Tou
made

in the Elizian Fields.
xlix
made no difficulty to fuppofe fome, and
poffibly fome of the Adventures too
which you attribute to 'em; but I thought
I had no Occafion for this Privilege;
Hiftory furnish'd me with real Perfons,
and real Adventures enough, to excufe
me from borrowing any Supplies from
Fiction.
Now, that the Dead fhou'd fpeak of
Events much later than their own Time,
will be no Surprize to you, who fee'em
every Day difcourfing on Affairs with
one another. I dare be confident, that
even at this moment, you are perfectly ac-
quainted with France by an Infinity of
Reports, and that you know he is at pre-
fent the fame in Learning which Greece
was formerly. Above all, your famous
Tranflator, who has fo admirably taught
you to fpeak our Language, will not fail
to tell you, that Paris has had the fame
Tafte
The Sieur D'Ablancourt.

To LUCIA N.
Tafte for your Works with Rome and
Athens. Happy he who cou'd copy your
Stile like this great Man, and be Mafter
of that refin'd Simplicity in his Expreffi-
on, and that eafie and genteel Humour,
which are fo proper for Dialogue. For
my own Part, I am far from pretending
to the Glory of having imitated you well;
I only afpire to that of having well
known 'twas impoffible to imitate a more
excellent Model.
FON

FONTENELLE'S
DIALOGUES
OF THE
DEAD.
ANTIEN T.

DIVIOCOD
BOALEXENE

[1]
FONTENELLE'S
DIALOGUES
OF THE
DEAD.
DIALOGUE I.
Alexander the Great, and Phrine.
A
PHRINE.
SK any of the Thebans that liv'd
in my Time, if I did not offer
to rebuild, at my own proper
Charge, the Walls of Thebes
which you had deftroy'd, on Condition
only that they wou'd fet this Infcription
upon 'em?
Alexander the Great demo-
lib'd thefe Walls, but Phrine the Courtifan
reftor'd 'em.
B 2
Alex.

2
Fontenelle's Dialogues
Alex. It feems you were in a mighty
Concern, left Pofterity fhou'd not know
what Trade you follow'd.
Phri. Let my Trade anfwer for it felf,
I cxcell'd in it; and great Perfons (you
know) of all Profeffions, have the Folly
of Monuments and Infcriptions.
Alex. It's true, Rhodope had before you;
fhe made fo fine a Market of her Beauty,
as to be able to build one of the famous
Agyptian Piramids ftanding to this Hour.
I remember ſhe was talking of it t'other
Day to fome French Miffes, who pretend-
ed to have been as lovely as the beſt; but
the poor Devils cry'd heartily, to think
that in their Age and Country the Fair
cou'd raiſe no fuch Piramid-Fortunes.
Phri. But I had the Advantage of Rho-
dope; for, in rebuilding the Walls of Thebes,
I put my felf in Parallel with you, who
were the greateft Conqueror in the World,
and I made it appear that my Beauty cou'd
repair the Ruins that were made by your
Valour.
Alex. Was ever fuch a Comparifon
heard of before! Well, and you are migh-
tily fatisfy'd then that you had fo many
Gallants?
Phri. And you are mightily fatisfy'd
that you made a Defart of the beft Part of
the Earth? How finely you had been ferv'd,
if

of the Dead.
3
if every City you deftroy'd had found a
Phrine to rebuild it! Not a Mark of your
Fury had been left.
Alex. Were I to live again; I fhou'd be
she fame great Conqueror I was.
Phri. And I the fame * little Conqueror.
Beauty has a natural Right to govern
Mankind, Valour has no more than it
gains by Force. The Charms of fine Wo-
men are found in all Countries, fo are not
Kings nor Conquerors: But to convince
you more, your Father Philip you'll own
was Valiant enough, and fo were you, I
think, with a Vengeance; yet, with all
your Fiercenefs, you cou'd neither of you
frighten Demofthenes the Orator, who did
nothing but rail, and make Speeches a-
gainſt you both as long as he liv'd. But
there was another Phrine (for mine, let me
tell you, is a lucky Name) who had loft a
Caufe of great Confequence, if her Coun-
cil, having exhaufted his Eloquence for her
in vain, had not whisper'd her in the Ear
to flip afide her Vail: She did fo, and up-
on the Sight of fuch furprizing Beauty the
Court, who were juft giving Sentence a-
gainft her, immediately chang'd their Minds.
Thus you fee that the Noife of your Con-
quefts, for feveral Years together, cou'd
B 3
not
In the laft French Edition 'tis lovely Conqueror; the
Reader may take which he likes.

4
Fontenelle's Dialogues
not ſtop the Mouth of one declaiming O-
rator, and yet the Charms of a pretty
Woman, in an Inftant, cou'd corrupt the
Severity of the whole Areopagus.
Alex. Well, make the moſt of that
Name-fake of yours that you have call'd
to your Affiftance, yet I'm miftaken if the
Part of Alexander is like to prove the
weaker. 'Twou'd be very hard if-
Phri. I know what you're going to fay
now -Greece, Afia, Perfia, the Indies,
all theſe make a fine Show. But then let
me only take from you what you have no
Right to, and diftribute fairly to your
Officers, your common Soldiers, and to
Fortune her felf, their proper Shares of the
Glory, and d'ye think this won't take you
down a little, and make you fomething
more flender? Now a handfome Woman
owes her Conquefts entirely to her felf,
and no Body comes in for a Share with
her. Oh! 'tis the fineft thing in the
World to be a fine Woman!
Alex. Yes-you gave fufficient Proofs
that you thought fo: But pray does a fine
Woman come up to your Exceffes?
Phri. Look ye, I make a Confcience of
lying, and therefore I fay-No; and to
be very fincere with you, I own I over-
ftretch'd the Character of a fine Woman,
but fo did you that of a great Man, and
fo

of the Dead.
S
fo let's fhake Hands. You and I made too
many Conquefts; if I had been engag'd in
no more than two or three Intrigues, this
had been modeft, and no Body cou'd have
found Fault; but how fhou'd Modefty get
Mony enough to build City Walls? And
then as to your Part, had you only con-
quer'd Greece, and half a Dozen little
Iflands, or perhaps a fmall Spot in the leffer
Afia, why there had been Reaſon and
Confcience in this. But to run raving up
and down, and not know whither; to
fight and take Towns, and not know why;
and to be always in a Hurry of Action a-
bout no Body knows what: 'Tis this has
offended the Men of fober Senfe.
Alex. Let the Men of fober Senſe fay
what they pleafe; I'm fure, if I had been
fo fober in the ufe of my Valour and
Fortune, I had ne'er been half fo much
talk'd of.
Phri. Nor I, if I had made fuch fober
ufe of my Beauty. For, in fhort, when
one only defigns to make a Noife in the
World, 'tis not found that the moſt rea-
fonable Characters are the moft proper for
the Purpoſe.
B 4
DIA-

6
Fontenelle's Dialogues
DIALOGUE II.
Milo of Crotona, and Smindirides,
TH
SMINDIRIDES.
HOU art ftrangely proud, Milo, of
having carry'd an Ox on thy Shoul-
ders at the Olympique Games.
Milo. Why, by Jove, 'twas an extraor-
dinary Performance; all Greece applauded
it, and the Eccho of my Fame reach'd as
far as my own native Town Crotona;
which, let me tell you, has fent out a vaſt
Number of the ftouteft Wrestlers. On the
contrary, thy Sibaris will be a Proverb to
Eternity, for the infamous Effeminacy of
its Inhabitants, who banish'd all the Cocks
in the Town for fear of being wak'd by
their Crowing; and us'd to invite their
Gueſts to Dinner a Year before-hand, that
they might have leifure enough to contrive
what Dainties they fhou'd have.
Why
Smin. All Stuff and Banter!
you lubberly Clown! had not you the
Senfe to know, that to huff and vapour
upon your carrying an Ox, was but to
boaft your felf like the Beaft you car-
ry'd?
Milo.

2529 of the Dead.
7
Milo. And pray what were you like?
Not a Man, I'm fure, when you com-
plain'd you had pafs'd a whole Night with-
out a Wink, becaufe one of the Rofe-
leaves your Bed was ftrew'd with lay
folded in two under you!
Smin. I own it, I had that Nicenefs
you ſpeak of; but why doft thou think it
fo ftrange?
Milo. Why who the Devil can think
otherwife?
Smin. What, have you never feen a
Lover that having courted his Miftrefs
with very particular Services, has after-
ward, in the full Poffeffion of her Favours,
dafh'd his Joy with this Scruple, That 'twas
Gratitude more than Inclination prevail'd
in the Fair One's Heart?
Milo. No, never but what then?
Smin. And did you ne'er hear of a Con-
queror, who, after fome glorious Expedi-
tion, has been diffatisfy'd with his Triumph,
to think that Fortune had a greater fhare
in it than, perhaps, either his Courage or
Conduct, and that his Succefs was owing
to fooliſh Deſigns and mistaken Meaſures?
Milo. Never in my Life but, once
again, what d'ye argue from this?
Smin. Why that this Lover and Con-
queror aforefaid, and indeed almoſt all
Men in general, tho' ftretch'd on Couches

of

8
Fontenelle's Dialogues
of Flowers, can't fleep a Wink, if but one
of the Leaves happen to be folded. The
flightest things in the World can deftroy
our Pleaſures; they are Beds of Rofes, in
which 'tis almoft impoffible to have all the
Leaves fmooth, but fome of neceffity will
be doubl'd, and one fuch is enough to
make us very uneafie.
Milo. Well, for my part I own my felf
no Doctor in thefe Matters; but, in my
plain Opinion, you, and your Lover and
Conqueror, may go together for three
Loggerheads. What d'ye make your felves
fuch nice Fops for?
Smin. Why prithee, doft think People
of Wit are fuch Bull-hided Curs as thou?
I tell thee, no; they are all Sibarites fofter
than my felf.
Milo. Yes, now I perceive the Policy of
the Bufinefs. Your Wits have more
Pleaſures than they have occafion for, and
fo they let their Nicenefs retrench 'em, and
pare off the fuperfluous ones. For this
Reaſon they wou'd be fenfible of the leaft
Difagreements, and no doubt they are ve-
ry wife Folks.
Smin. No fuch Matter, in Troth! your
Wits have not more Pleaſures than they
have occafion for.
Milo. Then, in Troth, your Wits are
downright Fools, to trouble their Heads
about fuch Niceties.
Smin.

of the Dead.
Smin. Why there's the Mifchief on't
now! Delicacy becomes a Man very well;
'tis a Difpofition arifing from the beft Qua-
lities of the Head and Heart. We are
pleas'd to find that we have it; and, if we
have it not, we are willing to acquire it.
But, in the mean time, this Delicacy leffens
the Number of our Pleafures, which in
Truth we are not overftock'd with, and
makes our Senfation of 'em lefs fprightly,
whereas of themſelves they are fcarce fpright-
ly enough. What a wretched Thing is
Man? His natural Condition affords him
but little that's agreeable, and his Reafon
teaches him to tafte it yet lefs.
love
DIALOGUE III.
A
Dido and Stratonice.
0.
DID O. 200
H, my Stratonice! how unhappy am
I? You know how I liv'd: I main-
tain'd fo religious a Fidelity to my firft
Husband, that I burn'd my felf alive to
avoid marrying a fecond; and yet I have
not been fecure from Slander. A certain
Poet, nam'd Virgil, has been pleas'd to
tranf

ΙΟ
Fontenelle's Dialogues
transform me from a grave difcreet Perfon
into an arrant Coquet, that lets her felf
run mad for the handfome Mien of a
Stranger the very firft Day fhe fees him.
All my Hiftory's turn'd topfie-turvy: In-
deed he has had the Charity to leave me
my Pile of Wood to burn my felf. But
what d'ye think throws me upon it? Not
the Fear of a fecond Marriage, I'll promife
you; but Deſpair, becauſe my new Gueſt
is going to leave me.
Strat. In earneft this may prove of very
dangerous Confequence. What Woman
hereafter will have the Grace to broil her
felf out of conjugal Fidelity, if after her
Death a Poet fhall have the Liberty to tell
what Tales of her he pleaſes? But your
Virgil perhaps was not fo much to blame;
he difcover'd, for ought I know, fome
Intrigue of your Life, which you hop'd
wou'd have remain'd fecret. Who can
tell? for my part you muft excufe me, if
I wou'd not be bound to anſwer for you
upon the Credit of your Wood Pile.-
Dido. If the Intrigue Virgil has put up-
on me had any Refemblance of Truth,
'twou'd not vex me. But he has giv'n me
one Eneas for my Lover, a Fellow that
was rotten three hundred Years before I
came into the World.
Strat

of the Dead.
II
Strat. Ay, now you fay fomething.
However, your Eneas and you feem to
have been cut out for one another: Both
of you were forc'd to fly your Country;
both of you fought your Fortune in ftrange
Lands: He was a Widower, and you a
Widow; d'ye fee how Matters chime? It's
true you were born about fome three
hundred Years after him; but that's no-
thing, Virgil had fuch Reafon to make
it a Match, that he was refolv'd three
hundred Years diftance fhou'd break no
Squares.
Dido. That's nothing, quoth a! What?
are not three hundred Years, full three
hundred Years? yet two Perfons, it feems,
can meet and be fweet upon one another
in fpight of this Obftacle!
Strat. Oh'tis there Virgil has fhewn his
Cunning. He was doubtlefs a Man that
knew the World, and defign'd to ſet forth,
that in the Bufinefs of Intrigues Appear-
ance is no Rule to judge by, and that thofe
that appear leaft, are often the most true.
Dido. 'Tis very well, and I must be
fcandaliz'd (with a Curfe to him) to weave
into his Works this fine Mystery!
Strat. Why fo hafty? Has he buffoon'd
you? or made you talk like a Fool?
Dido. Nay, far enough from that; it's
the fineſt Part of his Poem, where I make
my

12
Fontenelle's Dialogues
my Appearance: He has repeated it to
me here below. 'Tis all divine, except-
the Scandal, I'm very handfome, and upon
my fuppos'd Paffion I fay the fineſt things
in the World. So that if he had repre-
fented me there a Woman of Reputation,
the Eneis had not been half fo beau-
tiful.
Strat. Then, in fhort, you're mad, to
complain. He has given you an Intrigue
you knew nothing ofa vile Affront!
but in Requital he has given you a Beauty
and a Wit, that perhaps you cou'd ne'er
pretend to.
Dido. A fine Confolation!
Strat. I don't know indeed your Com-
plexion; but, for the Generality of Wo-
men, I'll anfwer for't, they had rather
have their Virtue fuffer a little, than either
their Wit or Beauty: And, for my felf, I
own I was of that Humour too. A Painter,
in the Court of the King of Syria my
Husband, had a fecret Grudge against me,
and in Revenge painted me in the Embra-
ces of a common Soldier; he expos'd the
Picce to View, and immediately took his
Heels. My Subjects, full of Indignation
and Zeal for my Honour, would have burn'd
the Picture; but, becauſe the Rogue had
drawn me admirably well, and with a
World of Beauty, tho' in a Pofture by no
means

of the Dead.
13
means advantageous to my Virtue, I wou'd
not let it be burnt, but call'd the Painter
back, and pardon'd him: And fo fhou'd
you Virgil, if you'd be rul'd by me.
Dido. 'Twou'd be a hopeful World tru-
ly, if the higheft Merit in a Woman were
to be handfome, or a Wit.
Strat. I'll not meddle with the Contro-
verfie about the higheft Merit: But I'm
fure, in common Converfation, the first
Queſtion People ask about a Woman that's
a Stranger to 'em is this-
fome?-
-The fecond.
-Is fhe hand-
Has fhe Wit?
And it's very rare to have 'em ask
you a third,
DIALOGUE IV.
Ana Anacreon and Ariftotle.
ARISTOTLE.
Cou'd never have imagin'd that a little
Scribbler of Sonnets wou'd have dar'd
to rank himſelf with a Philofopher of my
great Reputation.
Anacr. You make a very lofty Sound
with that Word Philofopher methinks;
yet your humble Servant, with his little
Sonnets,

14
Fontenelle's Dialogues
Sonnets, made a fhift to get the Name of
the Wife Anacreon: A Title which, I
think, takes place of Philofopher.
Arift. Thoſe that gave you that Title
then had no Regard to what they faid:
Pray what have you ever done to merit it?
Anacr. Who, I?-Nothing but drink
and be merry, fing Songs, and make Love;
and here's the Wonder, that at this Price
I purchas'd the Name of Wife, whereas it
coft you a world of Pains to get only that
of a Philofopher: For, how many whole
Nights have you fate up, beating your
Brains, and winnowing dry Diftinctions
and crabbed Queftions of Logick? How
many huge unwieldy Volumes have you
compos'd upon dark Notions, that per-
haps you your felf ne'er understood with
all your poring?
Arift. I confefs you took a very commo-
dious Way to reach to Wifdom; one muſt
doubtlefs be mighty ingenious, to know
how to acquire more Glory with a Fiddle
and a Bottle, than the greateſt Men have
acquir'd with their Watching and Study.
Anacr. What, you're upon the rallying
Pin? But I'll maintain it, that 'tis harder
to drink and fing as I did, than to philo-
fophize as you did; to be able to drink
and fing like me, one must first have dif-
engag'd ones Soul from all violent Paffions,
and

of the Dead.
15
and learn'd to afpire no more after what is
not in our Power; to be difpos'd always
to feize the Hours as they fly to us, and
lay 'em out upon Pleafure; in fine, a thou-
fand little things are firft to be fet in Or-
der, and tho' there's no occafion for much
Logick in the Bufinefs, yet it will coft you
fome Pains to bring it handfomly about.
But a Man may Philofophize as you did,
upon more reaſonable Terms: For there's
no Neceffity of his curbing Ambition, or
forfwearing Avarice; no, the Gates of A-
lexander's Palace are open to him, where
he finds a very comfortable Subfiftence.
Then comes a fmall Prefent of fome five
hundred thoufand Crowns, which he's
not Fool enough to lay out wholly upon
Natural Experiments, according to the
Defign of the Donor. And this fort of
Philofophy, I take it, leads to things as
oppofite to Philofophy as can be.
Arift. Sure you have kept ill Company
here below, that have given you a very
fcandalous Account of me. But when all's
done, I fay a Man's no Man but by the
Advantage of his Reafon, and nothing's
more noble than to inform others how to
ufe it in the Study of Nature, and how to
unriddle all the Difficulties fhe proposes to
US.
C
Anacr.

16
Fontenelle's Dialogues
Anacr. To fee how Men pervert every
thing from its proper Ufe! Philofophy her
felf, no doubt, is an admirable thing, and
may be of the greateſt Service to 'em: But
becauſe her Company wou'd be trouble-
fome if the thruft her felf into their Af-
fairs, and ftaid at home with 'em to di-
fcipline their Paffions, therefore they have
diſpatch'd her away into the Heavens to
range the Planets, and calculate their Mo-
tions; or elſe they have led her a Dance
round the Earth, to make her examine all
they fee upon it; in fhort, they have al-
ways found her Employment far enough
from themſelves: And thus having a
Mind to be Philofophers at a fmall Ex-
pence, they have very cunningly ftretch'd
the Name, and beftow it commonly up-
on fuch who only fearch into Natural
Caufes.
Arift. And what Name more proper for
'em?
Anacr. The Bufinefs of Philofophy is
only with Man, and not with the reft of
the Univerfe: The Aftronomer's Thoughts
are taken up with the Stars; the Natura-
lift's with Nature; and the Philofopher's
with himſelf. But who wou'd be a Philo-
fopher on fuch hard Terms? Very few,
Heav'n knows: Why then you muſt have
a Difpenfation; Philofophers are to be ex-
cus'd

of the Dead.
17
cus'd from being Philofophers, and 'tis e-
nough if they are Aftronomers or Natura-
lifts. For my felf, I was never of a Hu-
mour to trouble my Head with nice Spe-
culations; but I'll be bold to fay, that
there is not half fo much Philofophy in a
Multitude of Books that pretend to treat
of it, as in fome of my Songs that appear
fo contemptible to you; as this, for Ex-
ample:
If Gold cou'd wafted Life reftore,
I'd hoord in Chefts the precious Ore;
And when grim Death approach'd, I'd fay,
Here take thy Fee, and go away!
But fince the Fates are too fevere,
What's Gold to me?Love, Wine, good
Cheer,
Are better far than ufelefs Treasure:
I'll change my fordid Cares for Pleafure.
Arift. If you are refolv'd then to call
that only Philofophy which regards the
Manners, I have feveral things among my
Moral Writings which yet are much be-
yond your Song: For in fhort, the Ob-
fcurity I'm charg'd withal, which perhaps
may be found in fome of my Books, is
not in the leaft to be obferv'd in what I
have written upon that Subject; and the
whole World has own'd, that never any
C 2
thing

18
Fontenelle's Dialogues
thing was finer, or more clear, than what
I have faid of the Paflions.
Anacr. What a Cheat is that now? The
Queſtion is not turn'd upon defining the
Paffions methodically, as you are faid to
have done, but upon getting the Maſtery
over 'em. Men are willing Philofophy
fhou'd read 'em Lectures upon their evil
Habits, but not cure 'em, and they have
found the Secret of framing to themfelves
a Syftem of Morals that comes no more
within Reach of their Paffions, than A-
ftronomy does. What Mortal can hold
from fhaking his Sides, to fee mercenary
Rogues that for Mony will declaim against
Riches, and Cowards at Daggers-drawing
about the Definition of Courage?
DIA-

of the Dead.
19
DIALOGUE V.
IN
Homer and Elop.
HOMER.
N good earneft, all the Fables you have
been repeating to me, can never be
enough admir'd. It requir'd a World of
Art, to difguife as you have done, in fuch
little Tales, the most important Truths of
Morality, and to couch your Thoughts
under Images fo very juft, and yet fo fa-
miliar.
Afop. It makes me not a little proud
to be prais'd for this Art, by one, who
was himſelf fo great a Maſter of it.
Homer. Who I? why I never pretended
to it.
Efop. What! did you never pretend
to imply great Myfteries in your Works?
Homer. Alas, not I.
Afop. Why I'm fure all the Vertuo-
fo's of my time faid you did: And there
was not a Line in the Iliads nor the Odyf-
fes, but they fitted it with the quainteft
Allegories in the World. They maintain'd
that there was no Secret in Divinity, na-
tural and moral Philofophy, and the Ma-
thematicks to boot, but was fairly imply'd
C 3
in

20
Fontenelle's Dialogues
in your Writings. Some Difficulty indeed
there was in unravelling 'em; and it may
be where one Sophifter had found a moral
Meaning, another diſcover'd a natural one:
But they agreed in this, that you knew all
things, and faid all things, to thofe of an
enlighten'd Underſtanding.
Homer. Without lying, I always fu-
fpected fome People wou'd fpy out My-
fteries in my Works, that I never appre-
hended my ſelf. For as there is nothing
like prophefying boldly of things a great
way off, and trufting to the Event, fo
there's no way like uttering Fables with-
out Defign, and leaving the Allegory to
be made hereafter.
fop. Sure you had a great deal of
Courage to entruſt your Readers with the
weighty Care of fitting Allegories to your
Poems. What a Cafe you had been in,
if they had all taken 'em in the Letter.
Homer. Why, if they had, the Damage
had been but fmall.
Afop. How! Pray what do you fay
for the Brawls of your Deities, that maim
one another. Your thund'ring Jupiter,
that in a full Convocation of the Gods
threatens the auguft Juno to curry her in-
to better Manners; and that fame Bully
Mars, who when he was wounded by
Diomede, roar'd out (as you fay) full as
loud

of the Dead.
21
loud as nine or ten thousand Men, yet
fhew'd not the Courage of one: For in-
ftead of hewing all the Greeks into Shivers,
his Head's taken up about his Wound,
and making his Mifereres to Jupiter. D'ye
think all this cou'd have pafs'd Mufter,
without an Allegory.
Homer. Why, not I pray? You're pof-
fefs'd with a Fancy, that the human Mind
fearches only for Truth. Undeceive your felf,
I beseech you, I tell you the Mind of Man
and Falfhood have a wondrous Sympa-
thy. If you have a Truth to deliver, wrap
it up in Fables, and it takes much better,
And if you have a Mind to be telling Sto-
ries, you may divert extreamly, without
a Syllable of Truth, exprefs'd or imply'd,
Thus, you fee, Truth is forc'd to borrow
the Habit of Falfhood, that it may find
an agreeable Reception in the Mind of
Man; but Falfhood enters boldly in its
own proper Perfon, becaufe 'tis the Place
of its Nativity, and its ufual Abode, where-
as Truth's but a Stranger there. I'll tell
you more-fuppofe I had crack'd my Brains
with inventing Allegorical Fables, the grea-
teft part of my Readers wou'd perhaps
have chop'd upon the Fable, and run a-
way with it, without looking any further
than the literal Senfe, and fo left my Al-
legory in the lurch. And I muft tell you
C4
too,

22
Fontenelle's Dialogues
too, that in effe&t my Deities, fuch as
they are, and all Myfteries apart, have
not been thought fo ridiculous neither.
Afop. Blefs me! why you make me
fweat; I'm in a terrible Fear all of a fud-
den left People fhou'd take me at my Word,
and believe that the Beafts talk'd as they
are repreſented in my Fables.
Homer. A pleafant Fear that!
Afop. Why, if it agrees with their
Faith, to think the Gods might hold fuch
Difcourfes as you have reprefented of 'em;
what Reafon is there they fhou'd not believe
too, that Beafts may talk together, in the
manner I made 'em talk?
Homer. Alas! the Cafe is quite different.
Men it feems are well enough pleas'd that
their Gods fhou'd be as great Fools as
themfelves; but by no means that the
Beafts fhou'd be thought as wife.
DIA-

of the Dead.
23
DIALOGUE VI
SH
Athenais and Icafia.
ICASIA.
INCE you have a Curiofity to know
that Adventure of mine, I'll tell you.
The Emperor, in whofe Reign I liv'd, had
an Inclination to marry; and that he
might the better make Choice of an Em-
prefs to his Mind, he iffu'd out his Pro-
clamation, that all who thought themfelves
furnish'd with Beauty and Merit enough to
pretend to a Throne, fhou'd meet at Con-
ftantinople. God knows what infinite
Crouds there were! I had the Vanity to
go among the reft, in Confidence that the
Charms of my Youth and of my Eyes,
which were very fparkling, together with
an Air agreeable and engaging enough,
wou'd give me at leaft a fair Chance for
the Empire. Well Election-Day was
come, and when all the beautiful Candi-
dates were affembl'd, every one was bufie
in examining the Faces of all the reft, with
Spight enough you may be fure. And for
my part it flatter'd my Pride extreamly, to
obferve what four ill-favour'd Glances I
had from my Rivals. The Emperor ap-
pear'd,

24
Fontenelle's Dialogues
pear'd, and pafs'd by feveral Rows of
Belles without fpeaking a Word: But
when he came to me, my Eyes plaid their
Parts, and ſtopp'd his Progrefs. Then re-
garding me with an Air as languifhing as I
cou'd with, In Truth, fays he, Women are
dangerous Creatures, and can do a World
of Mifchief. Now Courage, thought I,
and a little Repartee, and the Day's my
own; fo amidst the Confufion of Hope
and Joy that I was in, I made a fhift to re-
ply-Sir, as dangerous as Women are, they
can make Reparation for that Mifchief,
and have fometimes done a World of Good.
This Anfwer of mine ruin'd all, for the
Emperor thought it fo witty that he durft
as well be hang'd as venture upon me.
Athen. That Emperor was certainly very
fantaſtical to be fo fcar'd at a little Wit,
and an Innocent into the Bargain, to think
your Anfwer difcover'd much-for, if I
may be fo free with you, there was no-
thing in't, and you need not let your Wit
lye heavy upon your Confcience.
lca. Yet thefe are the croſs Purpoſes of
Fortune. Your Wit alone made you an
Emprefs, the bare Sufpicion of Wit hin-
der'd me from being one: You were a
Philofopher too, which is ten times worfe;
yet nothing of this cou'd fpoil your Match
with the younger Theodofius.
Athen.

of the Dead.
25
Athen. I fhou'd have been in a panick
Fear tho', if I had had fuch an Example as
yours before my Eyes. My Father (I
thank him) after he had accompliſh'd me
in Wit and Learning, difinherited me, and
told me I had a very fair Fortune in my
Hands, and need not doubt of Preferment,
and to fay Truth I thought fo too. But
I'm convinc'd now that I run the greateſt
Rifque in the World, and that 'twas a
hundred to one I had been left with nothing
but my Philofophy to keep me.
Ica. To fee now how one is puzzl'd in
following Examples; 'twou'd be a very
good Jeft, if upon fuch an Occafion as
mine, fome other Perfons, who have read
my Story, and are willing to edifie by it,
fhou'd very cunningly conceal their Wit,
and be laugh'd at for Fools.
Athen. I wou'd not lay Wagers of their
Succefs, if they play'd the Fool with De-
fign; tho' it often happens, when we don't
think on't, that we commit the luckieft
Follies in the World. Did you never hear
of the Painter that drew Grapes fo much
to the Life that the Birds came and peck'd
at 'em? Imagine how he was admir'd for't.
But it ſeems there was a Boy drawn too
carrying the Grapes; and one made this
fhrewd Remark to the Painter, that indeed
the Fruit muſt needs be very well, becauſe
it

26
Fontenelle's Dialogues
it drew the Birds to it; but the Boy was
done as ill, that cou'd not fright 'em away.
'Twas true enough, and yet if the Painter
had not loft himſelf as he did when he
drew the Boy, the Grapes had never had
that prodigious Succefs.
Ica. In fhort, tho' all are oblig'd to be
doing fomething in the World, yet we
find no Body knows what they are about.
And the Painter's Example is enough to fill
us with Scruples, even in Affairs in which
we have conducted our felves ever fo well,
and to make us doubt whether fome Fault
that we have fhunn'd might not better
have been committed. So uncertain is e-
very thing, and it looks as if Fortune
took Pains to give contrary Events to the
fame thing, to make her felf Sport with
the Reaſon of Mankind, which has no cer-
tain Rule for its Direction.
airly aber no bue
DIA-

of the Dead.
27
DIALOGUE VII.
Eroftratus and Demetrius Phalereus.
EROSTRATUS.
HREE hundred and fixty Statues
erected in Athens to your Honour!
'Tis very much.
Demetr. I got the Government into my
Hands, and after that 'twas no difficult
matter, you may believe, to make the Peo-
ple compliment me with Statues.
Eroft. And you were tranfported, I war-
rant, to think you had thus multiply'd your
felf three hundred and fixty times, and
that you met with nothing but your dear
felf throughout a whole City?
Demetr. I own it: But alas! 'twas a
Joy of a very fhort Duration; the Face
of Affairs foon alter'd, and in a Day's time
not one of my Statues was left ftanding:
They were all beaten down, and broke to
Pieces.
Eroft. A terrible Reverſe of Fortune!
And pray who perform'd this noble Ex-
ploit?
Demetr, "Twas Demetrius Poliorcetes,
(a Shame take him!) the Son of Antigo-
nus
Eroft.

28
Fontenelle's Dialogues
Eroft. Wou'd to Heav'n I had been in
his Place. I'll fwear 'twas infinite Pleaſure
to deftroy fuch a vaft Number of Statues
made for one Man.
Demetr. Such a brutal Wiſh becomes
none but him that fir'd the Temple at E-
phefus-I fee you preferve your old Cha-
racter.
Eroft. I have been upbraided fufficiently
with my burning that Temple; all Greece
made a Noiſe about it: But 'tis a fad thing,
in earneſt, that Men fhou'd be fo befide
their Senfes.
Demetr. You had beft complain of the
Injustice they have done you in detefting
fo brave an Action, and of the Rigour of
that Law by which the Ephefians forbad
any Body to mention the very Name of
Eroftratus.
Eroft. Hold there I have no Reaſon
at all to complain of that. The Ephefians
were a Company of dull honeft Wretches,
that had not the Brains to foreſee that to
forbid the Pronouncing of a Name, was
the certain Way to make it immortal. But
what ground was there for this Law? I had
an extravagant Defire, forfooth, to be
talk'd of, and fo I fir'd their Temple;
well, and what then?They ought to
have drawn up an Addrefs of Thanks to
me, that my Ambition coft 'em no more;
they

of the Dead.net
29
they cou'd not have come off cheaper,
another in my Place wou'd have pull'd ye
their City about their Ears, and deftroy'd
State and all.
Demetr. To hear you, a Man wou'd
fwear you had a Right to lay about you
like a Fury, and fpare nothing in your
Way, that might make you be talk'd of.
And that all the Mifchiefs you forbore
ought to be reckon'd as fo many Acts of
Grace, and Inftances of your Generofity.
Eroft. Why, I'll make it as plain as can
be that I had a Right to burn the Temple
of Ephefus. Pray what d'ye think 'twas
built for, with fo much Art and Magnifi-
cence? Was it not the Defign of the Ar-
chitect to perpetuate his Name?
Demetr. Very likely.
Eraft. Well-
- and 'twas to perpetu-
Name that I reduc'd this fine Stru-
&ture to Ashes.
ate my
Demetr. A folid Argument! And d'ye
think then, that for the fake of your Glo-
ry you may lawfully deftroy the Works of
another?
Eroft. Lawfully?-yes.-Vanity, which
had erected this Temple by the Hands of
another Man, has been able, you fee, to
ruin it by mine; and Vanity has a natural
Right over all human Works whatever.
'Tis fhe has made 'em all, and can unmake
'em

30
Fontenelle's Dialogues
'em again when the pleafes. Nor ought
the greateſt States to murmur at their be-
ing fubverted by her, if fhe finds but her
Account in't, fince they can't pretend to
any Original independent of Vanity. Sup-
pofe, for Example, fome King fhou'd have
a Whim to honour the Funerals of his
Horfe by caufing the Town Bucephalia to
be ras'd to the Ground; wou'd this be an
Injustice to it? Not the leaft, in my Opi-
nion, for the Place had ne'er been built,
but to preferve the Memory of Bucepha-
lus, and its very Being is appropriated to
the Honour of Horfes.
Demetr. So then, at this rate, there's
nothing fecure; not Men themſelves, for
ought I fee.
Eroft. True Vanity fports her felf
with their Lives, as well as with the reft
of the Univerſe; a Father leaves as many
Brats as he can get, to keep up his Name;
a Conqueror, to perpetuate his, deſtroys
as many Men as he is able.
Demetr. I don't wonder to hear Eroftra-
tus mufter up all his Arguments in Defence
of Deftroyers. But when all's faid, if to
demoliſh the Monuments of another's Glo-
ry, be one Way to eftabliſh our own, I'm
fure 'tis of all Ways the moft ignoble.
Eroft. I can't tell that; but let it be as
ignoble a Way as 'twill, there's a Neceffi-
ty fome fhou'd take it.
Demetr.

of the Dead.
31
Demetr. Neceflity?
Eroft. Yes. The Earth is like a huge
Table-Book, in which every one is fond
of writing his Name. Now when the
Book's full, fome of the Names muſt be
rubb'd out, to make Room for New:
If all the Monuments of the Antients ſtood
to this Day, the World wou'd be quite
choak'd up with 'em, and the Moderns
wou'd have no Room left for theirs. How
cou'd you be fuch a filly Oaf as to flatter
your felf that your three hundred and fix-
ty Statues fhou'd keep their Pedeſtals long?
Don't you fee now, if you have any Con-
fcience, that your Glory took up too much
Place?
Demetr. But what a pitiful Vengeance
was that of Demetrius Poliorcetes! When
once my Statues were up, a Body wou'd
think he had e'en as good have let 'em a-
lone.
Eroft. Right! And before that, had not
you e'en as good have let all alone, and
never have fet 'em up? 'Tis thefe Paffions
do and undo every thing, and make all
the Buftle in the World. You'd have
nothing done upon Earth, if Reafon go-
vern'd all. Pilots, they fay, are moft
afraid of thofe calm Seas where they can't
make Sail, but are defirous of a Wind,
tho' with the Hazard of a Tempeſt. Thus
D
Paffions

32
Fontenelle's Dialogues
Paffions among Men are the Winds that
are neceffary to give all things Motion,
tho' at the fame time they occafion many
a Hurricane.
DIALOGUE VIII.
Callirhea and Paulina.
PAULINA.
ELL, for my part, I'm of Opi-
WELL,
nion that a Woman's in bodily
Danger from the firft Moment fhe's paffio-
nately belov'd. What Tricks will not an
ardent Lover contrive to compafs his Ends?
I had a long time refifted the Importunity
of Mundus, tho' he was a gallant young
Roman, and exceeding handfome; but
when Prayers and Tears cou'd not prevail,
he got the Victory by a Stratagem. I was
a mighty Devotee to the God Anubis:
The Prieftefs of this God comes and tells
me one Day that the Deity was enamour'd
with me, and requir'd me to meet him in
his Temple. The Miftrefs of Anubis!
you may judge how proud I was of that
Honour; I was punctual to the Affignati-
on, and was receiv'd with fufficient De-
monftrations

of the Dead.
33
Now to tell
monftrations of Tendernefs.
you the Truth, this Anubis prov'd to be
Mundus. But alas, how cou'd I refift?
Some Women, they fay, have granted the
Favour to Gods in the Shape of Men, and
fometimes of Beafts. I'm fure there's more
Reaſon to yield to Men in the Shape of
Gods.
Call. Why really the Men have a World
of Tricks; I'm fure I may fay fo by Ex-
perience, for I had juft fuch another put
upon me. I was a Trojan Lafs, and upon
the point of Matrimony, when, according
to the Cuſtom of the Place, I went attend-
ed with a numerous Train, and trick'd up
in all my beft, to offer my Virginity, for-
footh, to the River Scamander. As foon
as I made him the Compliment, out comes
Scamander from among the Rufhes, and
takes me at my Word. I thought it a
mighty Honour, I affure you, and fo did
every one befides, not excepting my dear
Spouſe that was to be. All were held in
a most respectful Silence. My Compani-
ons fecretly envy'd my Happiness, and
Scamander withdrew into his Rufhes again
when he thought 'twas Time. But how
was I furpris'd when I met this Scamander
afterward in a little Village, and came to
know that he was an Athenian Admiral
who had a Squadron of Ships upon that
Coaft!
D 2
Paul

34
Fontenelle's Dialogues
Paul. What! you thought 'twas Sca-
mander himself then?
Call. Yes; d'ye queftion it?
Paul. And was it the Cuftom, I pray,
in your Country for the River to accept
the Offers which the Maids that were go-
ing to be marry'd made to him?
Call. No; perhaps if it had they wou'd
not have been made. The River was mo-
deftly content with the Civility they ex-
prefs'd for him, and did not abufe it.
Paul. You ought then to have been ve-
ry fufpicious of your Scamander.
Call. Why fo? Might not a young Vir-
gin imagine that all who went before had
not Beauty enough to pleaſe the God? or
that they only mock'd him with falfe Of-
fers, which he did not think worth his
Notice? 'Tis natural for Women to flatter
themſelves. But you that are ſo fevere
upon me for being trick'd by Scamander,
were your felf trick'd by Anubis.
Paul. Not fo much trick'd neither. I
had fome fmall Sufpicions that Anubis
might be a fimple Mortal.
Call. And yet you went to meet him!~~
Why, this is inexcufable.
Paul. What wou'd you have? I had
heard 'twas affirm'd by all the Wife, that
if we did not favour our own Deception
we ſhou'd taſte very little Pleaſure.
Call

of the Dead.
35
Call. Very good! Favour our own De-
ception! but probably they did not
underſtand it in that Senfe. Their Mean-
ing was, that the moft agreeable Objects
in the World are at the Bottom fo flight,
that they wou'd fcarce affect us at all, if
we made the leaft ferious Reflections on
'em. Pleafures are not form'd for fevere
Examination, and we are continually forc'd
to help 'em out in many things, about
which 'twou'd be foolish to make our felves
fcrupulous. This is what the Wife you
mention'd
Paul. And this is what I wou'd fay too:
Had I been fcrupulous in the Cafe of A-
nubis, I had quickly found he was no God;
but I took his Divinity upon Truft, not
caring to examine that matter too curiouf-
ly. And where is the Lover whofe Paffi-
on we ſhou'd admit, if it were firft to pafs
the Teft of our Reafon?
Call. Mine was not fo ftrict; a Lover
might have been found, whom my Reafon
wou'd have allow'd me to love; and in
fhort, we can eaſier believe our felves
courted by a fincere and faithful Man, than
by a God.
Paul. In carneft 'tis almoft the fame.
I fhou'd juft as foon have been perfuaded
that Mundus was a God, as that he was
faithful and conftant.
D 3
Call

36
Fontenelle's Dialogues
Call. Fy! there's nothing more ex-
travagant than what you fay. If one cou'd
believe that Gods may be in Love, yet no
Body can think this happens often. But
frequent Inftances have been known of
faithful Lovers who never divided their
Hearts, but facrific'd all to their Miftreffes.
Paul. If you take the Lover's Cares,
his officious Sacrifices, and entire Prefe-
rence of his Mißtrefs, for true Marks of
Fidelity, then I confefs you may find faith-
ful Lovers enough. But this is not my
way of reckoning, I ftrike out of the Lift
all thoſe whofe Paffion has not been long
enough to have had the leifure to extinguifh
it felf, nor happy enough to have had Caufe
for it, and I retain only thofe who have
held good in fpight of Time and in fpight
of Favours; and they are pretty near the
fame Number with the Gods that have fal-
len in Love with Mortals.
Call. Still there must be fome Fidelity
found, even according to this Notion. For
let a Man tell a Woman he's a God capti-
vated by her Merit, fhe laughs in his Face;
let him fwear to be faithful, the believes
him prefently. And what's the Reafon for
this Difference, but only that there are
Examples of the latter, and not one of the
former.
Paul,

of the Dead.
37
Paul. As for Examples, I believe the
thing is upon a level. But the Reafon why
we yield not to the Deception of taking a
Man for a God is, becaufe 'tis not encou-
rag'd by the Heart. A Woman can never
be perfuaded that her Lover is a Deity,
becauſe ſhe does not defire he fhou'd be
one; but ſhe wiſhes him faithful, and
therefore believes him fo.
Call. You jeft fure; what! all Women,
I warrant, wou'd take their Lovers for
Gods, if they wish'd 'em fuch?
if
Paul. I dare fwear they wou'd;
this Error had been neceffary in Love, Na-
ture wou'd certainly have difpos'd our
Heart to infpire it. The Heart is the
Source of all the Errors we have occafion
for, and in this matter denies us nothing.
DIA-
D 4

38
Fontenelle's Dialogues
DIALOGUE IX.
T
Candaulus and Giges.
CANDAULUS.
HE more I think on't, the more I'm
convinc'd there was no Neceflity you
fhou'd have murder'd me.
Giges. What cou'd I do? The next Day
after you had given me a View of the
Queen's fecret Beauties, the fent for me,
and telling me fhe had diſcover'd that you
brought me the Night before into her
Chamber, made me a fine Speech upon
the Injury done to her Modefty, in Con-
clufion of which fhe told me I must pre-
pare to die, or to kill you and marry her
out of hand; for the pretended, her Ho-
nour requir'd either that I fhou'd enjoy
what I had feen, or be put out of Capaci-
ty of boafting the Sight. I underſtood her
Meaning: The Injury was not fo great
but fhe might have diffembl'd it, and her
Honour might have let you live, if ſhe had
pleas'd; but to be free, fhe was furfeited
with you, and was overjoy'd with a Pre-
text of Glory to get rid of her Husband.
Now you muſt grant me, that, of the Al-
ternative fhe propos'd, I had but one way
to chooſe,
Cand.

of the Dead.
39
Cand. I'm violently afraid you were more
charm'd with her, than fhe was furfeited
with me: What an inconfiderate Fool was
I, that did not forefee the Effects of her
Beauty upon you, but took you for an
honefter Man than you prov'd!
Gyges. Rather blame your felf for having
been fo much tranfported with the Pleaſure
of being Husband to a fine Woman, that
you cou'd not keep the Secret.
Cand. Then I fhou'd blame my felf for
the moft natural thing in the World. 'Tis
impoffible in extreme Happineſs to conceal
ones Joy.
Gyges, In the Happinefs of a Lover
'twou'd be excufable, but yours was that
of a Husband.. To be indifcreet for a Mi-
ftrefs is no ftrange thing, but for a Wife!
And what delicious Notions wou'd
People have of Marriage, if they were to
form a Judgment of it by what you did!
Cand. But ferioufly, do you believe we
can be fatisfy'd with a Felicity no Body is
Witnefs to? The braveft Men defire Spe-
&tators of their Bravery, and thoſe who
are happy wou'd be look'd upon as fuch,
to perfect their Happinefs. Nay, how do
know but they wou'd choofe to have it
lefs, provided it might appear more? 'Tis
certain, we never make a Shew of our
good Fortune, without a kind of Infult
over

40
Fontenelle's Dialogues
over others, in which we feel a mighty Sa-
tisfaction.
Gyges. According to your Notions,
'twou'd be very eafie to revenge this In-
fult. A Man need but fhut his Eyes, and
refuſe to others thefe Regards, or if you
pleafe thefe Sentiments of Emulation,
which make Part of their Happineſs.
Cand. I agree with you. I heard one of
the Dead t'other Day, who had been King
of Perfia, relating a Story to this Purpofe.
He was carry'd Captive in Chains thro'
the Metropolis of a great Empire. The
victorious Emperor, attended with all his
Court, was feated on a magnificent and
lofty Throne: The Place was fill'd with
infinite Crouds of People, and adorn'd
with the utmoft Care: Never was a more
pompous Spectacle. When the King ap-
pear'd in the Rear of a long Proceffion of
Captives and Spoils, he made a Stop juft
over-against the Emperor, and cry'd out,
with an Air of Gayety,- Folly! Folly!
All is Folly! Thefe few Words,
he affirm'd, quite fpoil'd the Emperor's
Triumph; and I am fo fenfible of it, that
I believe I fhou'd fcarce have been willing
to triumph, on the fame Terms, over my
moft formidable Enemies.
Gyges. Then you wou'd not have lov'd
the Queen any longer if I had not thought
her

of the Dead.
41
her handfome, but had cry'd out, when I
faw her, Folly! Folly
Cand. I muft confefs 'twou'd have cru-
elly mortify'd my Husbandly Pride. Now
you may judge by this that the Love of a
beautiful Woman muft flatter a Man very
fenfibly, and that Difcretion is a moft diffi-
cult Virtue.
Gyges. Hark ye-
(tho' I'm dead my
felf, I will not fay this to another of the
Dead, but in his Ear) There's no fuch
matter of Vanity to be drawn from the
Love of a Miftrefs. Nature has fo well
eftablish'd the Commerce of Love, that
Merit has not very much to do. For every
Heart fhe has provided fome other Heart,
and has not taken Care always to rank to-
gether Perfons worthy of Efteem. This is
a very mix'd Affair, and Experience makes
it but too plain that the Choice of a fine
Woman argues little or nothing in Favour
of the Man on whom it lights. Now theſe
Reaſons, in my Opinion, fhou'd make Lo-
vers difcreet.
Cand. I dare affure you, the Women do
nor defire any fuch Difcretion as is only
founded upon the Principle of taking but
little Pride in their Love.
Gyges. Is it not fufficient that a Man
takes extream Pleaſure in it? What I wou'd
withdraw from Vanity, fhou'd be added to
Tenderneſs.
Cand,

42
Fontenelle's Dialogues
it.
Cand. No
they wou'd not agree to
Gyges. But be pleas'd to confider, that
when Pride enters into the Affair of Love,
it fpoils all. The Pride of the Women is
first contrary to the Intereft of their Lo-
vers, and afterwards out of the Ruins of
this Pride their Lovers compoſe another
which is quite contrary to the Intereft of
the Women. And this is the Confequence
of placing Pride where it ought not to be.
DIALOGUE X.
I
Helen and Fulvia.
HELEN.
Muft needs be fatisfy'd in one thing
which I was lately told here by Augu
ftus. Is it true, Fulvia, that you enter-
tain'd a fmall Inclination for him, and that,
becauſe he made no Returns to it, you
provok'd Marc Anthony your Husband to
raiſe a War against him?
Fulvia. Nothing's more true, my dear
Helen! for among us Dead this Confeffion
has no Confequences. Marc Anthony was
in Love with Citherida the Player, and I
wou'd

of the Dead.
43
wou'd fain have had my Revenge by mak-
ing Auguftus love me. But alas! Auguftus
was too nice: I happen'd to be a little of
the oldeft, and not handſome enough; and
tho' I gave him to underſtand that for his
flighting me he had drawn upon himſelf a
Civil War, I cou'd not work him into the
leaft Complaifance. I don't care if I re-
peat to you fome Verfes he made upon the
Occafion, tho' I confefs they are not much
to my Credit.
Credit. They are thefe-
While from his Spoufe the falfe Antonius
flies,
And dates on foft Glaphira's brighter Eyes,
(For Glaphira you must know is the Play-
er's Poetical Name)
Fulvia provok'd her Female Arts prepares,
Reprifals feeks, and spreads for me her
Snares.
The Husband's falfe But why must I
endure
This naufeous Plague? and her Revenge
procure?
What tho' fhe ask?How bleffed were
my Doom,
Shou'd all the difcontented Wives of Rome
Repair in Crouds to me, when fcorn'd at
home!
Tis

44
Fontenelle's Dialogues
'Tis War, fhe fays, if I refufe her Charms:
Let's think She's uglyTrumpets,
found to Arms!
Helen. Then you and I occafion'd the
two greateſt Wars that perhaps ever hap-
pen'd; you that of Anthony and Auguftus,
and I that of Troy.
Fulvia. But with this Difference, that
you caus'd the War of Troy by your Beauty,
and I that of Auguftus and Anthony by my
Deformity.
Helen. But to balance that, you have
one Advantage over me; for yours was
certainly a much pleafanter War than mine.
My Husband revenges the Affront put up-
on him by another's loving me, which is
natural enough; yours revenges the Af-
front put upon you by another's not lov-
ing you: And that, I think, is a new Air
in a Husband!
Fulvia. True. But Anthony did not
know he made War for me, as your Huf-
band knew he did for you; which is a
piece of Folly that can never be forgiven
him. For inſtead of Menelaus's marching
with all Greece at his Heels, and befieging
Troy for ten Years to force you from
the Arms of Paris, is it not as plain as
can be, that if Paris wou'd have refign'd
you for ever, Menelaus ought to have fu-
ftain'd

of the Dead.
45
ftain'd a ten Years Siege in Sparta rather
than have receiv'd you. In carneft, I think
they were all out of their Wits, both
Greeks and Trojans. The firft were mad
for demanding you, and the others yet
madder for keeping you. How, in the
Name of Wonder, cou'd fo many Men of
Worth facrifice themſelves to the Pleaſures
of an inconfiderate young Rake? I cou'd
not forbear laughing when I read that Paf-
fage in Homer, where, after nine Years
War, and a late Battel in which a world
of Men were loft, a Council is held before
Priam's Palace. There Antenor is for re-
figning you, and there was nothing, that I
can fee, to be oppos'd to it. They ought
only to have curs'd their Folly for not
thinking of it fooner. However, Paris is
pleas'd to fignifie that he does by no means
approve the Propofal. And Priam, who
(if you'll take Homer's Word for't) is a'
Match for the Gods in Wiſdom, being in
a mighty Perplexity to find his Council di-
vided upon fo curious a Queſtion, and not
able to refolve which Part to take, gives
Orders that they thou'd all adjourn, and be
gone to Supper.
Helen. There's one good thing at leaſt
in the Trojan War, and that is, The Ri-
diculous in it eaſily diſcovers it felf. But
the Civil War between Auguftus and An-
thony

46
Fontenelle's Dialogues
thony does not appear what it is. When fo
many of the Roman Eagles were feen toge-
ther in the Field, People little imagin'd that
the Caufe, which fo cruelly animated 'em
againſt one another, was Auguftus's having
coldly refus'd you the Favour.
Fulvia. Thus goes the World. We fee
very great Movements in it, but their
Springs are often ridiculous enough. 'Tis
very neceffary for the Honour of the most
confiderable Events, that the Caufes of
'em fhou'd be conceal'd.
DIALOGUE XI.
Parmenifcus and Theocritus of Chios.
N this Dialogue Monfieur Fontenelle
mentions the Cave of Trophonius; but
because he has not explain'd the Story, and
it feems very neceffary that every one fhou'd
know it, in order to difcern the Beauty of
the Sentiments which allude to it, the Tran-
flator takes leave to prefix a fhort Account
of it here.
Trophonius was the Son of Apollo,
and had a Temple erected in Honour
of him, within a Wood near Labadia,
a Town in Beotia, where, by the help
of

of the Dead.
47
of the Priefts, he became famous for giving
Oracles by Dreams. The Place, and the
Ceremonies belonging to it, had fomething
particularly fantastical: Whoever came to
enquire his Fate was firft oblig'd for feve
ral Days to pafs thro' a long Formality of
Charms, Ablutions, Expiations, and Sa-
crifices. The Priests infpected the Entrails
of Beafts, to fee whether he might be ad-
mitted to Audience, or no: If they thought
fit to admit him, he was wash'd, drank of
two Springs, was anointed with Oil, brought
to worship the Statue of Trophonius, then
drefs'd in a Linnen Garment, and led to a
Mountain inclos'd with Walls of White
Marble, on which were feveral Brafs Obe-
lisks. Within was a Cave like the Mouth
of an Oven, thro' which he defcended by a
Ladder. Here he was oblig'd to take in
each Hand a Cake of Honey as a Charm
for his Security; he laid himfelf on the
Ground, and was fuddenly dragg'd by the
Feet, he knew not how, through another
little Cave, where he was to receive the
Oracle in a Trance. To conclude, he was
dragg'd out again the fame way; fome Ce-
remonies pafs'd to restore him to his Senfes,
as placing him in the Chair of the Goddess
of Memory, and fo the Farce ended. But
what is particularly to be remark'd here, is,
that 'twas faid thofe who went into this
E
Cave

48
Fontenelle's Dialogues
Cave loft, for a time, the Power of Laugh-
ing; an Opinion occafion'd by the Mysteri-
oufness of the Solemnity, in which nothing
was omitted that cou'd fill a weak Mind
with all the Ideas of Fear and Superfti-
tion.
Thofe who have a Curiofity to read a more
particular Account of this, may find it at
large in Van Dale's Book de Oraculis,
where he has admirably defcrib'd the pri-
vate Avenues and Communication of the
Vaults, and unravelled the whole Manage-
ment of this Imposture.
THEOCRITUS.
And was you really never able to laugh,
after you had defcended into Trophonius's
Cave?
Parmen. Never: I grew wonderfully fe-
rious.
Theocr. If I had known the Cave had
that Virtue, I ought to have made a ſmall
Journey thither! I had the ill Luck to
laugh too much all my Time, and to pay
for it too; for my Life might have been
longer if I had laugh'd lefs. I may thank
an unhappy Jeft for diſpatching me hither.
King Antigonus had but one Eye, and I
had grievously offended him; however, he
promis'd to paſs it all by, if I wou'd but
appear before him. I was dragg'd along in

of the Dead.
49
a manner by the Importunity of my
Friends; who, for my Encouragement,
faid to me, Never fear, the King will for-
give you; and the Minute you prefent your
felf before his Eyes your Life's out of Dan-
ger. Then farewel to you, faid I, for if I
am not pardon'd 'till I appear before his
Eyes, I'm loft for ever. Now Antigonus,
who was difpos'd to forgive my Crime,
cou'd not forgive my Sarcafm, and fo Iloft
my Head for being merry out of Seafon.
Parmen. I don't know whether I fhou'd
not have been glad with your Burleſque
Humour, even at the Price you mention.
Theocr. And for me, what wou'd I have
given to have had your Serioufnefs!
Parmen. Ah! you little think what you
wifh for. I thought that Serioufnefs wou'd
have been the Death of me. Nothing
cou'd divert me, I did all I cou'd to force
a Laugh, but in vain. Of all the Ridicu-
lous that the World affords, I had not the
leaft Enjoyment, for to me 'twas down-
right Sadnefs. In fhort, I was almoft di-
ftracted with my fable Wifdom, when I
went and pray'd the Delphick God to
teach me fome Means to laugh. He fends
me in ambiguous Terms to the maternal
Pow'r; I thought he meant my Country,
and fo I pofted back thither, yet that cou'd
not relieve me. I began to think my Di-
E 2
temper

50
Fontenelle's Dialogues
ftemper incurable, when by Chance I made
a Journey to Delos. There I view'd with
Admiration the Magnificence of Apollo's
Temples, and the Beauty of his Statues.
The God appear'd every where in fhining
Marble or Gold, and by the Hand of the
greateſt Maſters of Greece. But I hap-
pen'd at laft upon a Latona in Wood,
wretchedly carv'd, and with the haggish
Air of an ugly old Woman, and here I
cou'd not hold from laughing, and very
heartily too, at the Difference between the
Mother and the Son. But you can't ima-
gine how I was furpriz'd and ravifh'd to
think I had laugh'd, and then I underſtood
the true Senfe of the Oracle. To conclude,
I had no Offerings to fpare for the Gold
or Marble Apollo's; the wooden Latona
had all my Devotion. I can't tell you
how often I facrific'd to her, I befmoak'd
her over and over with Incenſe; and if I
cou'd have born the Expence, I had cer-
tainly built and confecrated a Temple TO
LATONA THAT PROVOKES
LAUGHTER.
Theocr. I fhou'd think Apollo might have
afforded you the Power of laughing, much
cafier than at his Mother's Expence. You
might have feen Objects enough, as pro-
per for that, as the wooden Latona.
Parmen. When we're out of Humour,
we find that Men are not even worth the
Pains

of the Dead.
SI
Pains of laughing at. They were made to
be ridiculous, and if they are fo, pray
where's the Wonder? But a Goddefs that's
pleas'd to be fo, is fomething extraordi-
nary. Apollo wou'd probably convince
me too, that my Malady was not to be
reach'd by all the Force of Human Art,
and that in this Extremity Ineeded the
Affiftance of the Deities.
Theocr. Yet this Mirth and Gayety you
fo paffionately defir'd, is the much greater
Evil. A whole Nation was once poffefs'd
with it, and pay'd for't too, fufficiently.
Parmen. How? A whole Nation too
much difpos'd to Mirth and Gayety?
Theocr. Yes. 'Twas the Tirinthians.
Parmen. Happy People!
Theocr. Happy?-Let me tell you, they
were fo uncapable of Serioufnefs, even up-
on the moſt weighty Occafions, that eve-
ry thing fell into the utmoft Confufion.
If they affembled in publick; inftead of
fettling the State, their whole Difcourfe
was Buffoonery. If they gave Audience
to Ambaffadors, they grinn'd in their Fa-
ces. If they held Councils, the Speeches
of the graveft Senators were all Farce.
And whatever was the Matter in hand,
one reaſonable Syllable, or a wife Action,
was a Prodigy with 'em. In fhort, as great
Fools as they were, they found the Plague
E 3
of

52
Fontenelle's Dialogues
of this Droll Difpofition, as much at leaft
as you did of your Sadnefs, and to Del-
phos they went as well as you, but with a
quite different Prayer, viz. to know how
they fhou'd recover a decent Gravity. The
Oracle anfwer'd, if they cou'd facrifice a
Bull to Neptune without laughing, it fhou'd
be afterwards in their Power to become
wifer. A Sacrifice, you'll own, is at all
times no merry Bufinefs; yet ev'n for this,
they had a World of Preparatives to make
it more ferious. They refolv'd to. admit
no young People to it, nor all forts of old
neither; but fuch only as were loaded
with Difeafes, or Debts, or plagu'd with
bad Wives. When this choice Company
was mufter'd upon the Shore to folemnize
the Sacrifice, notwithstanding the Wives,
the Debts, the Difeafes, and Age it felf,
they ſtill ſtood in need of other Helps, and
were forc'd to take a world of Pains to
fet their Countenances, to rivet their
Eyes to the Ground, to knit their Brows,
and bite their Lips; but as ill Luck wou'd
have it, there was a little Boy crept among
the Croud, and as they were driving him
away according to Order, Lord help ye,
fays the Child, d'ye think I'll fwallow your
Bull? This Foolery ruin'd all, and undid
the Charm of fo many formal Grimaces.
They burft into a mighty Laugh, the Sa-
crifice

of the Dead.
53
crifice was difturb'd, and the Tirinthians
remain'd as great Ideots as before. But
certainly they were to blame, after their
Bull fail'd 'em, that they did not think of
this Cave of Trophonius, which had the
wonderful Vertue of making People fo fe-
rious, and produc'd fo remarkable a Change
in ou.
Parmen. Shall I tell you truly now? I
actually went into Trophonius's Cave, and
yet the Trophonius's Cave which ftruck me
with fuch a Melancholy, is quite another
fort of Bufinefs.
Theocr. What is it then?
Parmen. 'Tis Reflections. I had made
fome, and I never laugh'd afterward. If
the Oracle had prefcrib'd that Specifick,
the Tirinthians had been foon cur'd of
their Jollity.
Theocr. I muft own I don't well under-
ftand what Reflections are, but I can't
imagine why they fhou'd be fo chagrin. Is
it impoffible to have any right Views but
what at the fame time must be difmal? Is
Error only privileg'd to be gay, and is Rea-
fon made but to torture and deftroy us?
Parmen. By what appears, 'tis not Na-
ture's Intention that we fhou'd think too
refinedly, becaufe fhe fells thefe Thoughts
at fo dear a Rate! You are for making Re-
flections, fays fhe; but beware!
E 4
Ill
have

54
Fontenelle's Dialogues
have my Revenge, by the Sadnefs they
fhall give you.
Theocr. But you don't tell me why Na-
ture wou'd not have us purfue Reflecti-
ons as far as they'll go?
Parmen. She has fent Men into the
World to live in it; and to live, is to be
for the moſt part of our Time wholly igno-
rant of what we are doing. When we
difcover the little Importance of all that
imploys or touches us, we rob Nature of
her Secret; we are wife over much, and
retain too little of Man; we think, and we
ceafe from Action. And this is what Na-
ture difallows.
Theocr. But the fame Reafon which
helps you to think finer than others, con-
demns you however to act like them.
Parmen. You fay right: There's a Rea-
fon that fets us above all things by Thoughts,
and there must be another that brings us
back to all again by: Actions. But then,
even at this Rate, were it not almoſt as
much to the Purpoſe not to have thought
at all?
DIA

of the Dead.
15
DIALOGUE XII.
Marcus Brutus and Fauftina.
Hi
M. BRUTUS.
OW!-Is it poffible that you took
Pleaſure in acting a thouſand Infi-
delities against the Emperor Marcus Au-
relius, a Husband that had all the Com-
plaifance in the World for you, and who,
without Difpute, was the very beſt Man
in the Roman Empire?
Fauft. And is it poffible, that you
affaffinated fo mild and moderate an Em-
peror, as Julius Cæfar?
M. Brutus. I meant to terrifie all Ufur-
pers by the Example of Cafar, fince hist
Mildnefs and Moderation cou'd not make
him fecure.
Fauft. And fuppofe I fhou'd tell you, I
meant to frighten all Husbands, that no Body
fhou'd dare to think of being one, after the
Example of Marcus Aurelius, whofe Kind-
nefs was fo ill repay'd?
M. Brutus. A very fine Defign, that!
There's a Neceffity there fhou'd be Huf-
bands; for, who thou'd govern the Wo-
men, I pray?-But Rome had no Occafi-
on of being govern'd by Cafar.
Faufti.

$6
Fontenelle's Dialogues
Fauft. Who told you fo? Rome began
to have as odd Fancies and Humours as
are charg'd upon the greater part of Wo-
men. She cou'd not live longer without
any Mafter at all, nor yet cou'd the bear
to have but one. Women are exactly of
the fame Character; and it must be grant-
ed too, that the Men are too jealous of
their Sovereignty: They exercife it in
Marriage, and that's a great deal, and they
wou'd exercife it in Love too. When
they require a Miſtreſs fhou'd be faithful,
they mean, a Slave. The Dominion ought
to be equally divided between the Lover
and his Miftrefs, and yet it always paffes
from one fide, and generally from the fide
of the Lover.
M. Brutus. You fhew your felf a noto-
rious Rebel here, againft our whole Sex."
Fauft. I'm a Roman, and I have Ro-
man Sentiments of Liberty.
M. Brutus. At this Rate I can affure
you the World's full of Romans. But
will you be pleas'd to own that Romans
like me, are fomewhat more rare.
Fauft. So much the better. I believe
no honeſt Man wou'd have done what
you did, when you ftabb'd your Bene-
factor.
M. Brutus. Nor do I believe any ho-
neft Woman wou'd have imitated your
Conduct,

of the Dead.no
57
Conduct. As for mine, you can't deny
that there was Firmnefs of Mind in it. It
requir'd a good deal of Courage, to ftand
Proof against the Friendship which Cafar
had for me. V olds.bqquini ne di du
bFauft. And d'ye think it requir'd lefs
Courage to ftand Proof against the good
Nature and Patience of Marcus Aurelius?
He faw, with Unconcern, all the Infideli-
ties I play'd him. He wou'd not do me
the Honour to be jealous, and he difap-
pointed me of the Pleaſure of cheating
him. I was fo enrag'd, that I had almoſt
a Mind fometimes to turn honeft, yet I
made a fhift always to preferve my felf
from that Weaknefs. And even after my
Death, did not Marcus Aurelius affront
me with building Temples, giving me
Priefts, and inftituting in my Honour the
Fauftinian Feafts? And is not this very
provoking, to perfecute my Memory with
an Apotheofis? to erect me into a God-
defs? Bom 11 dnia: TbmA
M. Brutus. Well, I own I have no No-
tion of Woman! Were ever fuch fantafti-
cal Complaints heard of?vi
Fauft. Why?-wou'd not you rather
have been oblig❜d to confpire againft Silla,
than against Cafar? Silla might have pro-
vok'd your Indignation and Hatred to
the higheſt Degree, by his extravagant
Cruelty.

58
Fontenelle's Dialogues
Cruelty. So fhou'd I have been much
better pleas'd to have put the Trick upon
a jealous Man, as Cafar for Example,
whom we're talking of. He was poffefs'd
with fuch an infupportable Vanity, that
nothing wou'd content him unless he had
the Empire of the whole Earth to himſelf,
and his Wife to himſelf too; and becauſe
he faw Clodius fhar'd one with him, and
Pompey the other, he cou'd neither bear
Pompey nor Clodius. Oh how happy
fhou'd I have been with Cafar!
M. Brutus. 'Twas but this Moment
you were for exterminating all Husbands,
and now you are for choofing the very
worst!
Fauft. I am for having none at all;
that fo Women might be perpetually free.
But if there must be fome, why then, the
worfe the better, in my Judgment, for
the fake of the Pleaſure there is in reco-
vering ones Liberty.
M. Brutus. And I think it moſt neceffa-
ry for Women of your Temper, that there
fhou'd be Husbands. The Sentiment of
Liberty is always more lively the more 'tis
mingl'd with Spight.
FON

FONTENELLE'S
DIALOGUES
OF THE
DEAD.
ANTIENT and MODERN.

FONIEMEFTE
24UDQ TAICI
MAIGOMA TRA

[ 61 ]
FONTENELLE'S
DIALOGUES
OF THE
DEAD.
DIALOGUE I
Auguftus, and Peter Aretin.
YES
PETER ARETIN.
ES, I was a Wit in my Time, I
affure you, and rais'd my felf a con-
fiderable Fortune among Princes.
Aug. You compos'd many Works in
Honour of 'em?
P. Are. Not a Syllable; I had a Penfion
from all the Princes of Europe, which had
been

62
Fontenelle's Dialogues
been impoffible, if I had fool'd away my
Time in fcribling Panegyricks. They were
all at War together, the Confequence of
which is, that when one Side beats, the
other's beaten; and how fhou'd I praiſe
'em all together?
Aug. What was it you did then?
P. Are. Lampoon 'em-They cou'd not
all be put into a Panegyrick, but into a
Satyr they might. In fhort, I had fo fpread
abroad the Terror of my Name, that they
were glad to pay me Tribute, to purchaſe
the Liberty of playing the Fool in quiet.
The Emperor Charles V. (of whom you
muft needs have heard here below) cou'd
not be at reft 'till he went and got himſelf
well beaten upon the Coaft of Africa, and
immediately after fends me a fine Chain of
Gold. I took it, but with a fullen Look;-
What a pitiful Trifle is here, faid I, for fo
great a Folly as he has committed!
Aug. A very new way this, that you
invented, to draw Mony from Princes.
P. Are. Had I not all the Reafon in the
World to expect a vaft Fortune, by efta-
blifhing my felf a Revenue upon Folly?
a Fund, which (let me tell you) can ne-
ver be exhaufted.
Aug. Yet when you have faid all, Prai-
fing is the fureft Trade, and confequently
the beſt.
P. Are.

of the Dead.
63
P. Are. What d'ye mean?-I had not
Impudence enough.
Aug. And yet you had Impudence e-
nough to make Satires upon Crown'd
Heads?
P. Are. Under Favour, that's a diffe-
rent Cafe. In the Bufinefs of Satire there's
no Neceffity you fhou'd always defpife the
Perfon you write againft, but only lafh
him; whereas, in offering Fuftian Praifes,
I think one can't avoid having mean
Thoughts of the Perfons they are put up-
on, and taking 'em in ones Heart, for
downright Bubbles. I wonder with what
Face Virgil cou'd tell you 'twas a Matter
in Debate, what Place you wou'd accept of
among the Gods; whether you wou'd be
pleas'd to take upon you the Charge of
the Earth, or become a God of the Sea
by efpoufing one of the Daughters of The-
tis, who wou'd willingly give all her Wa-
ters for the Honour of your Alliance? Or,
in fine, whether you wou'd take up your
Apartment in Heav'n near the Scorpion,
who poffefs'd two Places,but upon your Ap-
proach wou'd contract his Claws to make
room for you?
Aug. You may fpare your Wonder a-
bout Virgil's Face. People are not us'd to
examine Praifes fo rigorously; they can
help out the Letter, I warrant you, and
F
the

64
Fontenelle's Dialogues
the Modeſty of the Addreffer is fufficient-
ly fecur'd by the Self-Love of thoſe to
whom they are addrefs'd. For it's as com-
mon a thing as can be to have People
think they deſerve Praiſes which are not
given 'em, and how then fhou'd they be-
lieve they don't deferve thofe that are?
P. Are. What! you'll take Virgil's
Word for't then? and hope to marry a
Sea-Nymph, or take up your Quarters a-
mong the Signs in the Zodiack?
Aug. No fuch Fool neither. In Praifes
of this kind we abate fomething to reduce
'em to a reaſonable compafs: But to con-
fefs freely, that Abatement is but fmall,
and we always take care to fecure our felves
a good Bargain. In fhort, in what extra-
vagant manner foever we are prais'd, we
have the Benefit of thinking our felves fu-
perior to common Praife, and that 'tis
purely our Merit forces thofe who praife
us to exceed all Bounds. Alas! Vanity
has a thouſand ſhifts.
P. Are. I am convinc'd that one need
not make any Difficulty of carrying Praifes
to the higheſt Excefs; but for thoſe at
leaft that are contrary to one another, I
wonder i' my Confcience how any Body
can have the Boldnefs to offer 'em to
Princes. I hold a Wager now, for Exam-
ple, that if you had taken Vengeance up-
on

of the Dead.
65
on your Enemies implacably, your whole
Court wou'd have rung with Acclamati
ons, that nothing in the World was more
glorious than to thunder down all that
had the Rafhnefs to oppofe you. And
after this, when you had perform'd fome
Action of great Mildnefs, the Tune had
been chang'd, and then, Vengeance!-
'tis the Appetite of Beafts, and all the
Glory it carries is barbarous and inhuman!
Thus they wou'd have prais'd one part of
your Life at the Expence of t'other.
Now I fhou'd have been in a terrible
Fear that you wou'd have turn'd the Ban-
ter upon me, and catch'd me by my own
Words-And that you'd have faid, Choofe
me now which you pleafe, Severity or Cle-
mency, to draw the true Character of a
Hero upon; but when you have done be
fure you keep to your Choice.
Aug. Why will you have one make fo
fevere a Scrutiny? 'Tis convenient for
great Perfons, that all Matters fhou'd be
Problems for Flattery: Whatever they do
they cannot mifs of Praife; and if they are
complimented upon Contraries, 'tis be-
caufe they have more than one fort of
Merit.
P. Are. Well, but had you never any
Scruple about all thofe Elogies which were
fo unreasonably heap'd on you? Or was
F 2
there

66
Fontenelle's Dialogues
there need of much refining, to perceive that
they were only pinn'd upon your Quality?
Praiſes make no Diftinction of Princes:
The greateſt Heros have no more to their
Share than others. But Pofterity is juft,
and makes a Difference between thoſe
that are given to different Princes, by ra-
tifying the one, and rejecting the other
for vile Flattery.
Aug. You must grant me then at leaft
that I merited the Praifes I receiv'd, fince.
'tis certain Pofterity has confirm'd 'em by
its Judgment. Tho' at the fame time I
have a Quarrel against it too, becauſe be-
ing accuftom'd to regard me as the Model
of Princes, in praiſing 'em it has common-
ly compar'd 'em to me, and I have often
fuffer'd by the Compariſon.
P. Are. Take Comfort, I befeech you;
you are not like to have this Caufe of
Complaint long. If it be true what all
the Dead that come hither tell us of
Louis XIV. now reigning in France, 'tis
he will be look'd on hereafter as the Model of
Princes; and I forefee, that in future Times
the higheſt Compliment that can be made
'em will be to compare 'em to this mighty
Prince.*
Aug.
'Tis impoffible for an Engliſhman to tranflate this without
Remark. The Compliment is finely introduc'd, but smells
ftrong of the Penfion, which, as our Author fays afterwards, is
what fpoils Virgil's to Auguftus.

of the Dead.
67
Aug. Very fine! Do you think that
thofe, who fhall make 'em fo extravagant a
Panegyrick, will be heard with Pleature?
P. Are. 'Tis very poffible: Men are fo
covetous of Praife, that they can difpenfe
with Truth, Juftice, and every thing elfe
that thou'd feafon and qualifie it.
Aug. It's plain then you are for abo-
lifhing all Praiſes whatever. If only fuch
must be allow'd as are juft, who d'ye think
will give 'em?
P. Are. All thofe who wou'd praife
without Defign, and fuch are the only
proper Perfons. What gives fuch a Va-
lue to your Virgil's admirable Encomium
of Cato, when he makes him prefide over
the Affembly of pious Souls, who are fe-
parated from the reft in the Elysian Fields,
'Tis this-Cato was dead, and Virgil
had no Expectations from him, or any of
his Family--And what ſpoils all his Praifes
of you in the beginning of his Georgicks?
The Penfion he receiv'd from you.
Aug. Then have I thrown away a World
of Mony upon Praiſe!
P. Are. I'm forry for't. You fhou'd
ha' done as one of your Succeffors did, who,
upon his coming to the Empire, immedi-
ately forbad all Perfons, by an exprefs
Edict, the Liberty of making Verfes on
him.
F 3
Aug

68
Fontenelle's Dialogues
Aug. Alas! he was wifer than I; and
I am fenfible now that thofe are by no
means the trueft Praifes which they pre-
fent to us, but thofe only which we ex-
tort from 'em.
DIALOGUE II.
Sappho and Laura.
LAURA.
IT'S true that the Amours we both have
IT
been engag'd in have been accompany'd
by the Mules, which render'd 'em very
agrecable; but with this difference it feems,
that whereas you made Verfes on your
Lovers, I had Verfes made on me by mine.
Sap. Very well! you wou'd tell me I
was as violent a Lover as you were belov❜d.
Lau. That may be without a Miracle.
For I know our Sex is generally more in-
clin'd to Tenderneſs than the Men. But
what fhocks me is this: You made no
Scruple of telling all your Mind, and ma-
king fuch broad Signs to thofe you had a
Kindnefs for!-In fhort, you openly in-
vaded 'em with your Poetry; whereas
the Woman's part is to be upon the De-
fenfive.
Sap.

of the Dead.
69
Sap. To be free with you, I was pro-
vok'd at that impertinent Cuftom. The
Men have abus'd us, and left us the hard-
eft Part; for 'tis much eaſier to attack
than to defend.
Lau. Let's not complain, I befeech
you; fince our Part has its Advantages.
The befieg'd, you know, may furrender at
Difcretion, but the Befiegers can't carry the
Town when they pleafe.
Sap. You might have faid, on t'other fide,
that when the Men attack us, 'tis becaufe
they have an Inclination to attack us. But
when we defend (you know)-we han't
over much Inclination to it.
Lau. What do you make nothing of
the Pleafure of obferving from fo many
foft Addreffes, fo long continu'd, and fo
often renew'd, how very highly they va-
lue the Conqueft of your Heart?
Sap. And do you make nothing of the
Pain of refifting thefe foft Addreffes?
They fee with Pleaſure how they fucceed
by the Advances they make upon us. But
as to our Refiftance, fhou'd that fucceed
(otherwife than we defign) o'my Confci-
ence 'twou'd break our Hearts.
Lau. But however, tho' after a trou-
blefome Attendance, they have a Right to
be Conquerors at laft, yet you do 'em
a Favour in acknowledging 'em fuch. And
F 4
tho'

70
Fontenelle's Dialogues
tho' you can't hold out any longer, yet
ev'n your Weaknefs lays 'em under Obli-
gations.
Sap. But with your Leave, for all that,
a Victory on their fide is ftill a Defeat on
ours. All the Pleaſure they tafte in being
lov'd, is their Triumph over the Perfon
that loves 'em; and a happy Lover is
only happy in this, that he is the Con-
queror.
Lau. What? wou'd you have had a
Law then, that the Women fhou'd attack
the Men?
Sap. What a Pother you make about
attacking and defending! one wou'd think
you were born in a Siege. Why can't
they meet one another half way, and love
upon the Square?
Lau. Oh Matters wou'd be difpatch'd
too foon by half, and Love is fo agreeable
a Commerce, that we fhou'd fpin it out as
long as we can. 'Twere a Jeft indeed, if as
foon as the Queftion were put on one fide,
t'other fhou'd be ready with a Tes I thank
you! Then what becomes of all the follici-
tous Endeavours of pleafing? of the In-
quietudes, and Regret for not having
pleas'd more? the Officious Ardour in
feeking the happy Moment? in a Word,
all that agreeable Intercourfe and Mixture
of Pleaſure and Pain which makes the Soul
of

of the Dead.
71
of an Amour? For ftrip it of thefe, and
there is nothing more infipid than plain
Love for Love.
Sap. A fine Story! If Love muft needs
be a fort of Combat, I wou'd much ra-
ther put the Men upon the Guard. Did
you not own that our Sex has more Dif-
pofition to Tendernefs? It follows then,
they wou'd attack better.
Lau. True; but the other; wou'd de-
fend too well. And when 'tis affirm'd that
fome Refiftance muſt be made on one fide
or t'other, 'tis meant fo much only as will
relish the Victory to thofe that attack, but
by no means fo much as to repel 'em. One
fhou'd not be fo weak as to furrender at
first Sight, nor fo ftout as not to furrend-
er at all. This now is the proper Cha-
racter of our Sex, and cannot fo well agree
to the Men: And, take my Word for't,
when we have reafon'd and refin'd all we
can, upon Love, or any other Matter, we
fhall find at the Foot of the Account, that
things are better much as they are; and
that in offering to mend 'em, we fhou'd
fpoil 'em utterly.
DIA-

72
Fontenelle's Dialogues
DIALOGUE III.
'T'
Socrates and Montaigne.
MONTAIGNE.
IS you then, divine Socrates! How
I'm tranfported to fee you! I am
but newly come into thefe Parts, and im-
mediately upon my Arrival I made it my
Bufinefs to find you out. In fhort, after
having fill'd my Book with your Name and
Praiſes, I have now the happy Opportunity
of your Converfation, and of informing my
felf from you, by what Means you became
poffefs'd of fuch a native Virtue, the Mo-
tions of which were all fo unaffected,
and which had no fuch Example before it,
ev'n in that happy Age in which you liv'd.
Socr. I am very well pleas'd to meet
with one of the Dead, that feems to have
been a Philofopher. But becauſe you are
lately come from above, and 'tis a long
time fince I've ſeen any Perfon here (for
they leave me, lonely enough, and I have
no Crouds, I'll affure you, that prefs for
my Converfation) therefore give me leave
to ask you what News? How goes the
World? Is it not mightily chang'd?
Mont.Extreamly, you wou'd not know it.
Socr.

of the Dead.
73
Socr. I'm ravifh'd to hear it, I was al-
ways of Opinion it muft of neceffity grow
better and wifer, than 'twas in my Days.
Mont. What d'ye mean? Why 'tis ten
times more fooliſh and corrupt than ever;
that's the Change I fpeak of; and I ex-
pected to hear from you the Hiftory of
the Times which you have feen, in which
there reign'd fo much Honefty and Inte-
grity.
Socr. On the contrary, I was prepar'd to
hear Wonders of the Age, in which you
have just finish'd your Life. What! Have
not Men by this time fhaken off the Follies
of Antiquity?
Mont. You're an Antient your felf, and
for that Reafon, I fuppofe, make fo bold
with Antiquity: But be affur'd that Men's
Manners are at prefent a large Subject of
Lamentation, and that all things degene-
rate daily
Secr. Is't poffible? I thought in my
Time things went as perverfly as cou'd be,
and was in hopes that at laft they wou'd
fall into a more reafonable Train and
that Men wou'd have made their Advan-
tage of fo many Years Experience.
Mont. Alas! What Regard have they
to Experience? Like filly Birds, they fuffer
themſelves to be taken in the fame Nets
that have caught a hundred thousand of
their

74
Fontenelle's Dialogues
their Kind already. There's not one but
enters a perfect Novice upon the Stage of
Life; the Follies of the Fathers are all loft
upon their Children, and do not ferve to
inftruct 'em at all.
Socr. But what's the Reafon of this? I
fhou'd think that furely the World, in its
old Age, ought to become wifer and more
regular than 'twas in its Youth.
Mont. Mankind has, in all Ages, the
fame Inclinations, over which Reafon has
not the leaft Power. So that to the World's
End there will be Follies, and the fame
Follies too, as long as there are Men.
Socr. Then why wou'd you put a greater
Value upon the Ages of Antiquity, than
upon this prefent Age?
Mont. Ah! Socrates! I know you to
have a particular Maftery in the Art of
Reafoning, and to be able fo ingeniouſly
to befet thofe, with whom you difpute,
with Arguments whofe Confequences they
do not forefee, that you can lead 'em whi-
ther you pleaſe. This is what may be call'd
playing the Midwife to their Thoughts;
I'm fure I find my felf deliver'd of a Pro-
pofition directly oppofite to what I had
advanc'd, and yet I cannot give up the
Controverfie neither. 'Tis certain we
find not now any of thofe robuft and vi-
gorous Souls of Antiquity: Shew me an
Ariftides,

of the Dead.
75
Ariftides, a Phocion, a Pericles, or to
name one for all-a Socrates.
Socr. Why what hinders? Is it becauſe
Nature's exhaufted, and has not Spirits
left to produce fuch great Souls-If fo,
why is the yet exhaufted in nothing elfe,
but in reaſonable Men? None of her other
Works are degenerated, and how comes
it then to paſs that Mankind is degenerated
alone?
Mont. That they are degenerated is
Matter of Fact: It appears to me as if Na-
ture had ſometimes fhewn fuch great Men
to the World, as Patterns of what the cou'd
produce if the pleas'd, and after that form'd
all the reft with Negligence enough.
Socr. Take care you are not deceiv'd:
Antiquity is an Object of a peculiar kind;
its Distance magnifies it: Had you but
known Ariftides, Phocion, Pericles and
my felf, (fince you are pleas'd to place me
in the Number) you wou'd certainly have
found fome to match us in your own Age.
That which commonly poffeffes People fo
in Favour of Antiquity, is their being out of
Humour with their own Times, and An-
tiquity takes Advantage of their Spleen;
they cry up the Antients in Spight to their
Cotemporaries. Thus when we liv'd we
efteem'd our Anceſtors more than they de-
ferv'd, and,in Requital,our Pofterity eſteem
us

76
Fontenelle's Dialogues
us at prefent more than we deferve. But
yet our Anceſtors, and we, and our Po-
fterity, are all upon the Level; and, I be-
lieve, the Profpect of the World wou'd be
very dull and tirefome to any one that
fhou'd view it in a true Light, becauſe 'tis
always the fame.
Mont. I fhou'd have thought the World
was always in Motion, that every thing
chang'd, and that Ages, like Men, had
their different Characters: And, in Effect,
do we not fee that fome Ages are learned,
and others illiterate; fome barbarous,
others polite; fome ferious, others whim-
fical; fome ingenious, and others ftupid?
Socr. True.
Mont. And confequently are not fome
more virtuous, and others more wicked?
Socr. That does not follow. Men change
their Habits, but not the Form of their
Bodies. Politenefs, Barbarifm, Learning
or Ignorance, more or lefs Plainnefs, the
grave Genius or the Buffoon; all theſe are
no more than the Drefs, the Outfide of
Mankind; and thefe indeed are chang'd.
But the Heart, which is the Man himself,
does not change at all. People are igno-
rant in one Age, but Learning may come
into Faſhion in the next. People are inte-
refted, but Difintereft will never be the
Mode. Among the prodigious Number
of

of the Dead.
77
of Men irrational enough, that are born in
a hundred Years, Nature produces it may
be thirty or forty rational; and thefe, like
a prudent Adminiftratrix, fhe's oblig'd to
difperfe thro' all the Earth; and I leave you
to judge, if they are like to be found in
any Place in Numbers fufficient to bring
Virtue and Integrity into Faſhion.
Mont. But is this Diftribution of rati-
onal Men made with Equality? Some A-
ges, in all Probability, have been better us'd
in the Dividend than others.
Socr. Nature, without queftion, acts al-
ways with exact Regularity, but we have
not the Skill to judge as fhe acts.
vas
DIA-

78
Fontenelle's Dialogues
DIALOGUE IV.
Adrian the Emperor, and Margaret
of Auftria.
MARGARET of AUSTRIA.
THAT's the Matter, I befeech you?
WH
W I fee you're in a Heat.
Adri. I have juft now been engag'd in a
fierce Difpute with Cato of Utica, con-
cerning the manner of our Deaths; and I
maintain'd that in this laft Scene I fhew'd
more of a Philofopher than he.
M. of Au. How! you had a World of
Affurance, upon my Word, that you durft
encounter a Death fo famous as his. Cou'd
any thing be more glorious than to order
Affairs with that Wiſdom in Utica, to
make his Friends fecure, and then kill
himſelf that he might expire with the Li-
berty of his Country, and avoid falling in-
to the Hands of a Conqueror, from whom
he was yet certain to have receiv'd a Par-
don?
Adri. Oh! if you examine ftrictly,
you'll find there's enough to be objected to
this Death. In the firft Place he was fo
long preparing for it, and with Efforts fo
viſible

of the Dead.
79
vifible, that there was not a Man in Utica
but knew that Cato was about to kill him-
felf. Secondly, Before he durft venture
upon the Stroke, he was forc'd to read fe-
veral times over Plato's Dialogue concern-
ing the Immortality of the Soul. Thirdly,
This Defign had put him fo out of Hu-
mour, that being in Bed, and mifling his
Sword from under his Pillow (for in Su-
fpicion of what he was about to do, his
Friends had remov'd it) he call'd one of
his Slaves to ask him for it, and gave the
poor Fellow fuch a Blow on the Face with
his Fift, that he broke his Teeth, and
brought back his Hand all bloody.
M. of Au. 'Twas an unlucky Blow I
muft own, and quite fpoils this Philofo-
phical Death.
Adri. You can't imagine what a Noife
he made about the taking away his Sword,
and how he upbraided his Sons and his
Domefticks, that they intended to deliver
him bound Hand and Foot to Cafar. In
fine, he rav'd at 'em to that degree, that
they were forc'd to be gone out of his
Chamber, and leave him to kill himſelf.
M. of Au. Truly there was no need of
fo much ado about the Matter; he might
have had Patience 'till the next Day, and
then have effected it as he pleas'd. No-
thing's eaſier than to país out of the World
G
when

80
Fontenelle's Dialogues
when one is refolv'd to ftay no longer in
it. But it's probable the Meaſures he took
were fo exactly proportion'd to his Con-
ftancy, that there was a Neceffity of kil-
ling himself juft at that Inſtant; and if he
had deferr'd it but a Day longer, perhaps
he had not done it at all.
Adri. You fay right, and, I perceive,
know how to judge of a generous Death.
M. of Au. But then they tell us, that
after his Sword was brought to him, and
every Body withdrawn, Cato fell faft afleep,
and fnor'd. This indeed look'd very ferene
and handfome.
Adri. But d'ye believe it? He had been
bawling and tearing, and laying about him
like a Madman at his Servants; and, after
fuch a rough Exercife, People don't ufe
to fall asleep fo ferenely. Befides, the
Hand he ftruck the Slave with pain'd
him too much to let him fleep, for he cou'd
not bear the Anguifh of it, but had it
bound up by a Surgeon, tho' he was juft
upon the Point of killing himfelf: In fhort,
from the time they brought him his Sword,
'till Midnight, he read twice over Plato's
Dialogue. And then I cou'd prove, by
an Entertainment he gave all his Friends
in the Evening, by a Walk he took after-
ward, and by all that pafs'd 'till they left
him alone in his Chamber, that when they
brought

of the Dead.
81
brought him his Sword 'twas very late;
befides, the Dialogue he read is very long,
and confequently he flept but little, if at
all. In truth, I have a fhrewd Sufpicion
that he only fnor'd with his Eyes open,
that he might have the Honour of it, and
to impofe upon fuch as were lift'ning at
his Chamber-Door.
M. of Au. I think your Criticifms upon
his Death are not amifs, which however
has ftill remaining in it fomething very
Heroick. But upon what Grounds can
you pretend yours exceeds it? By all that
I can remember you dy'd in your Bed,
in a very plain Manner, and not at all re-
markable.
Adri. How!--Pray are not thefe Verfes
remarkable, which I made juft at my laft
Breath?
O Animula, vagula, blandula!
Que nunc abibis in Loca,
Pallida, lurida, timidula?
Nec ut foles dabis Foca.
gidrou
My little Soul! doft thou yet know,
Thou gentle flutt'ring Fondling,
To what Places thou must go
All naked, pallid, trembling?id
Where thou no more fhalt joke and fing.
G 2
Cato

82 Fontenelle's Dialogues
Cato entertain❜d Death too feriously, but,
you fee, I made a Jeft of it. And 'tis in
this I pretend my Philofophy went far be-
yond Cato's. 'Tis not half fo hard to bul-
ly Death with Fiercenefs, as carelefly to
railly it; nor to receive it handfomly when
we call it to our Aid, as when it comes
unfent for, and without our occafion for't.
M. of Au. I must own your Death had
a better Grace than Cato's. But, by ill
Luck, I had never obferv'd thofe Verfes
in which all the Beauty of it confifts.
Adri. Why that now is the Humour of
the World! Cato tore out his Bowels, ra-
ther than he'd fall into the Hands of the
Enemy; this, perhaps, is no fuch mighty
Matter at the Bottom. Yet fuch a Paf-
fage looks very bright in the Hiftory, and
every Body's fmitten with it. When ano-
ther Perfon makes his Exit fo eafily, as to
be in Humour for compofing jocular Ver-
fes upon his Death, 'tis more in reality
than what Cato did; yet, becauſe there's
nothing in it that dazles, Hiftory ſcarce
makes any Account of it.
M.of Au. Alas! there's nothing truer than
what you fay; I know it by Experience.
For I my felf, who am talking with you at
this Inftant, make Pretences to a hand-
fomer Death than yours, which however
has made lefs Noife. I can't fay, indeed,
'twas

of the Dead.
83
'twas an abfolute Death, but fuch as 'tis, it
exceeds yours, which exceeds Cato's.
Adri. How!-what d'ye mean?
M. of Au. I was an Emperor's Daugh-
ter, and was contracted to a King's Son,
who, after the Death of his own Father,
very civilly fent me back to mine, in fpight
of his folemn Promife to marry me. After
that I was contracted to the Son of ano-
ther King; and, as I was going to my Spoufe
by Sea, the Veffel which carry'd me was
furpriz'd in a prodigious Storm, which
put my Life in extream Danger. In the
midft of the Tempeft I made this Epitaph
for my felf.
The Royal Margaret here is laid,
Who marry'd twice, yet dy'd a Maid.
Now to be plain with you, I did not
die at that time, but that was not my
Fault. Do but imagine fuch a fort of
Death as this, and you'll be fatisfy'd.
Cato's Conftancy is irregular in one Kind,
and yours in another; but mine is all pure
Nature. He was too Romantick, you
had too much Buffoonery, but I was rea-
fonable.
Adri. What! you reproach me with
having fear'd Death too little?
G 3
M. of Au,

84
Fontenelle's Dialogues
M. of Au. I do 'Tis not likely a
Man fhou'd be without any Concern at his
Death; and I'll pawn my Soul that you
put as great a Force upon your felf to ftrain
your Jeft, as Cato did to tear out his Bow-
els. I expected every Moment to be caft
away, yet without Terror, and I compos'd
my Epitaph in cool Blood. This now is
very extraordinary; and if there were no
Circumftances to qualifie the Story, there
wou'd be Reafon to reject it for a Fable,
or to think, at leaft, 'twas all a Strain of
Oftentation. But let it be confider'd,
that I was at the fame time a poor young
Lady twice contracted, and yet had be-
fore my Eyes the Misfortune of dying a
Maid: I exprefs my Concern for it, and
this gives an Air of Truth to my Story,
as much as you can demand. Now your
Verfes, if you mind 'em, have no Man-
ing; they are a meer Jingle made up of lit-
tle foolish Expreffions. But mine carry a
clear Senfe, which gives Satisfaction upon
the first reading, and fhews that Nature
fpeaks in 'em, more than in yours.
Adri. In good Faith, I fhou'd ne'er
have thought that your Melancholy, about
carrying your Virginity along with you,
ought to be a Matter of fuch Glory to you.
M. of Au. Look you--you may rail-
ly upon it as you pleafe; but my Death (if
it

of the Dead.
85
it may properly be call'd fo) has yet ano-
ther effential Advantage over Cato's and
yours. You had both medl'd with Phi-
lofophy fo much in your Lives, that you
were ingag'd, upon Honour, not to be afraid
of Death; and if your Fear might have
been allow'd you, I don't know how you'd
have behav'd your felves. But for me, as
long as the Storm lafted, I had a Woman's
Right to tremble, and fhriek 'till my Cries
reach'd Heav'n it felf, and no Body cou'd
have found Fault, or efteem'd me the lefs
for it. And yet, as I told you, I was fo
compos'd as to write my Epitaph.
Adri. Hark ye
was it not writ afhore?
betwixt you and I,
M. of Au. Pfhaw-this Criticifing is
the Devil- Did I ferve you fo about

your Verfes?
Adri. Well, I'll take 'em upon truft
then-and I will yield you the Point, that
Virtue is then greateft, when she does not
exceed the Bounds of Nature.
G4
DIA

86
Fontenelle's Dialogues
DIALOGUE V.
I
Erafiftratus and Harvey.
ERASI STRATUS.
N Truth you inform me of very ftrange
Things here-How!-Does the Blood
Circulate, fay you? Do the Veins carry
it from the extream Parts of the Body to
the Heart, and the Heart diſcharge it into
the Arteries, which convey it back again
to the Extremities?
Har. I have given fo many Experimen-
tal Proofs of this, that no Body queſtions
it any longer.
Eraft. Why then, it feems, we Phyſicians
of Antiquity were ftrangely deceiv'd, who
fancy'd that the Blood had only a very flow
Motion from the Heart towards the Extre-
mities of the Body; and the World's oblig'd
to you for aboliſhing this antient Error.
Har. I think I have a Right to pretend
fo, and this Obligation ought to be ac-
knowledg'd the greater, in that I am the
Perfon who, by this means, have open'd
the way for all the curious Diſcoveries
which are made at prefent in Anatomy.
Since I have found out the Circulation of
the Blood, 'tis now a Matter of Emulation
who

of the Dead.
87
who fhall find out a new Conveyance, a
new Canal, or a new Refervatory: It ap-
pears as if the whole Man were new caft.
Behold then what Advantages our Modern
Art of Phyfick has over yours! You un-
dertook to cure the Body of Man, which at
the fame time you were utter Strangers to.
Erafi. I confefs, the Moderns are better
Naturalifts than we, but not better Phyfi-
cians; we cur'd Difeafes as well as they.
I wish I cou'd have given all thefe Gentle-
men (and your felf in chief) Prince An-
tiochus to cure of his quartan Ague: You
know, I fuppofe, what Courfe I took;
and how I diſcover'd, by his Pulfe, which
beat higher than ordinary in the Prefence
of Stratonice, that he was defperately in
Love with that beautiful Queen, and that
his Diftemper was entirely caus'd by his
Violence upon himfelf in endeavouring to
conceal his Paffion; yet I perform'd fo dif-
ficult and confiderable a Cure as that,
without knowing any thing of the Blood's
Circulation: And I dare fwear that you,
with all the Affiftance of this Knowledge,
wou'd have been fufficiently puzzl'd in my
Place, and have found an untoward Piece
of Work on't. There was no occafion
for new Canals, or new Refervatories:
The moft neceffary thing to be known in
the Patient was the Heart.
Har.

88
Fontenelle's Dialogues
Har. But, with Submiflion, the Heart
is not always the matter to be confider'd,
nor are all fick Perfons in Love with their
Mothers-in-Law, like Antiochus. I make
no Queſtion but, for want of knowing that
the Blood Circulates, you have let abun-
dance of People die under your Hands.
Erafi. You think then your Modern
Difcoveries of great ufe?
Har. Moft certainly.
Erafi. Then, if you pleafe, anfwer me
this ſmall Queſtion-Why do we fee as
great Numbers of the Dead flock hither
daily, as ever?
Har. Oh! that's their own Fault, not
the Phyficians.
Erafi. But this Circulation, thefe Pipes
and Canals, thefe Refervatories - What,
do all theſe fine things cure nothing?
Har. Perhaps the World has not had
Leifure yet to apply to particular Ufes
what has been but newly difcover'd. How-
ever, 'tis impoffible but that in time it will
produce very great Effects.
Erafi. No fuch Revolutions, take my
Word for't. There is a certain Meaſure
of uſeful Knowledge, which Men attain'd
carly, which has receiv'd but fmall Ad-
ditions, and beyond which they fhall ne-
ver be able to advance much, if at all.
Such is their Obligation to Nature, for
having

of the Dead.
89
having prefented 'em fo very eafily with
what was their greateſt Concern to know:
For, indeed, they must have fuffer'd ex-
treamly, if the had left the Diſcovery of it
to the flow Refearches of their Reafon.
But other things, which are not of fuch
Neceffity, open themſelves by little and
little, and in a long Procefs of Time.
Har. 'Twou'd be ftrange, if knowing
Man better fhou'd not be a help to cure
him better: At this rate who wou'd be at
the trouble of bringing to Perfection the
Science of Anatomy?-Twere better to
let it all alone.
Erafi. No-that wou'd be to lofe a
great many very agreeable Speculations.
But for any thing of ufe, I believe that to
find out a new Conduit in Man's Body, or
a new Star in the Heav'ns, is much the
fame. Nature has ordain'd, that at ap-
pointed Seafons Men fhou'd fucceed to one
another by the means of Death: Yet the
gives 'em fair Play for their Lives, and
fuffers 'em, for a certain Space, to defend
'em as well as they can. But, beyond this,
let 'em make what Diſcoveries they pleaſe
in Anatomy, or penetrate ever fo exactly
into the human Fabrick, 'tis in vain, Na-
ture will not be baffl'd; they muft fubmit
to her Law, and die after the ordinary
rate.
DIA-

90
Fontenelle's Dialogues
DIALOGUE
I
VI.
Berenice and Cofmo the Second of
Medicis.
COSMO of MEDICIS.
Have juft now been inform'd, by fome
of the Learned lately come hither, of
a Piece of News very afflicting to me. You
muft know, Galileo, my Mathematician,
diſcover'd fome Planets which make their
Courſe round Jupiter, and in Honour of
me he nam'd 'em The Stars of Medicis:
But I am told they are no longer known by
that Appellation, but are call'd plainly the
Satellites Jovis. The World fure is grown
very malicious, and envious of one's
Glory.
Beren. For certain; I have ſcarce known
more remakable Effects of its Malignity.
Cofmo. Ay--you may fay fo without
Concern, fince you had much better Luck
than I. You made a Vow to cut off your
Hair, if Ptolomy your Husband return'd
victorious from I know not what War;
which he did, having quite defeated the
Enemy. You confecrated your Locks in
a Temple of Venus, and the next Day a
Mathematician was pleas'd to make 'em
vanish,

of the Dead.
91
vaniſh, conjur'd 'em up into Heaven, and
proclaim'd that they were metamorphos'd
into a Conftellation, which he call'd Be-
renice's Hair. To make Stars paſs for a
Woman's Hair was far meaner than to
call new Planets by the Name of a Prince;
yet your Hair has found Succefs, while my
poor Stars of Medicis have had no For-
tune at all.
Beren. If I cou'd make over my Cole-
ftial Hair to you, it fhou'd be freely at
your Service, to comfort you: And I'll af-
fure you, I'd be fo generous too as to make
no Pretences of your being much oblig'd
to me for it.
Cofmo. I fhou'd think it a very confide-
rable Prefent tho'; and I wish with all my
Soul, my Name were as fecure of Immor-
tality as yours.
Beren. Alas! if all the Conſtellations
bore my Name, what were I the better?
That wou'd remain above in Heav'n,
but I fhou'd be as much below here as
ever. Mankind is very fantastical, they
can't fteal themfelves away from Death,
but they wou'd ſteal from her two or three
Syllables, which belong to her. A very
pretty Trick they think to put upon her!
Wou'd it not be much better if they com-
pos'd themfelves for Death with a good
Grace,

92
Fontenelle's Dialogues
Grace, and quietly yielded her up both
themſelves and their Names?
Cofmo. I'm not of your Mind. People
are for dying as little as poffible, and all
mortal as they are, they wou'd faften up-
on Life ftill by Marble Figures, Heaps of
Stone, and Infcriptions upon a Monument.
Thefe are the things which, like drowning
Men, they grafp at.
Beren. But alas here's the Misfortune!
Thefe very things which fhou'd fecure us
from Death, moulder away, and die too,
after their manner. To what then wou'd
you fix your Immortality? A City, a Pro-
vince, nay an Empire can't be refponfible
for it.
Cofmo. 'Tis therefore no bad Invention,
that of giving one's Name to the Stars,
which laft for ever.
Beren. And yet it fhou'd feem, by what
I hear, that even the Stars themfelves are
not to be depended upon, for they fay
new ones appear and old ones vaniſh, and
you'll fee at the long run I fhall not
have a Hair left in the Heav'ns: At leaft,
our Names can hardly avoid a Grammati-
cal Death, if it may be call'd fo; the
Tranfpofition of a Letter or two will make
'em ferve for nothing but wrangling among
the Criticks. I once faw two of the Dead
engag'd in a hot Controverfic, and going
up

of the Dead.
93
up to 'em I enquir'd their Names; one (as
I was told) was Conftantine the Great, and
t'other a Barbarian Emperor. The Di-
fpute was about the Preference of their
paft Grandeur; Conftantine faid he had
been Emperor of Conftantinople, the Bar-
barian that he had been Emperor of Stam-
boul. The firft, in Praife of Conftantinople,
faid 'twas fituate upon three Seas, the Eux-
ine, the Thracian Bofphorus, and the Pro-
pontis; t'other reply'd that Stamboul had
the Command of three Seas likewife, the
Black Sea, the Straits, and the Sea of
Marmora. This ftrange Refemblance amaz'd
Conftantine; but having inform'd himself
exactly of the Situation of Stamboul, he
was more furpris'd ftill to find it was
Conftantinople it felf, which he did not
perceive 'till then, by reafon of the Change
of its Name. Alas, cry'd he, I had bet-
ter have left Conftantinople its firft Name
of Byzantium: Who will be able to find
out the Name of Conftantine in Stamboul?
for certain it's drawing to its End.
Cofmo. In earneft, this adminifters fome
Confolation to me, and I begin to fubmit
my felf to Patience. After all, fince we are
not able to excufe our felves from Death,
'tis but reaſonable our Names fhou'd die
too, fince they are not of better Quality
than our felves.
DIA-

94
Fontenelle's Dialogues
DIALOGUE VII.
IN
Seneca and Marot.
SENECA.
"Moverpower'd with Joy to hear that the
Stoicks are yet in Being, and that you
were a Profeffor of that Sect.
Mar. Without Vanity, I was more a
Stoick than you, or Chrifippus, or Zeno
himſelf your Founder. You were each in
a Condition to Philofophize at your Eafe,
efpecially your felf, who liv'd in all abun-
dance. And for the other two, they were
never banish'd nor thrown into Prifon.
But for my fhare, I endur'd Poverty, Ba-
niſhment, a Jail, and what not? and yet
made it appear, that all thefe Evils touch'd
only the Body, but cou'd not reach the
Mind of a wife Man. Grief attack'd me
all the Ways poffible, but had ftill the
Shame to be repuls'd.
Sen. I'm ravish'd to hear you talk fo
heroically. By your Language alone I
fhou'd know you for a very great Stoick.
And pray was you not the Admiration of
the Age?
Mar. That I was indeed. I did not
reft fatisfy'd in bearing my Misfortunes
pati-

of the Dead.
95
patiently, I went further, and infulted 'em,
as I may fay, by Raillery. Conftancy
wou'd have brought Honour enough to
another, but I proceeded even to Gayety.
Sen. O Stoick Wifdom! Thou art no
Chimera then, as thou art falfely repre-
fented! Thou art really to be found among
Men, and here's a Sage who by thee was
made no leſs happy than Jupiter himſelf.
Come, let me prefent you to Zeno, and
the reft of our Mafters; how they'll be
tranfported to fee the Fruit of thofe ad-
mirable Leffons with which they blefs'd
the World!
Mar. You'll much oblige me, in making
me known to fuch Illuftrious Dead.
Sen. What shall I tell 'em is your Name?
Mar. Clement Marot.
Sen. Marot?-Sure I know that Name.
Have I not heard you talk'd of here among
a great many Modern Princes?
Mar. Very likely.
Sen. You writ for their Entertainment
feveral little diverting Poems?
Mar. I did.
Sen. Then after all you were no Philo-
fopher.
Mar. Why not?
Sen. Oh! 'Tis by no means the Bufi-
nefs of a Stoick to compofe Books of Mirth,
and ſtudy to make People laugh.
H
Mar:

96
Fontenelle's Dialogues
Mar. I fee you're a Stranger to the Per-
fections of Mirth. I tell you, all Wiſdom
is conceal'd in it. There's Ridicule to be
drawn out of every thing; I'd undertake,
with all the Eafe in the World, to draw
fome out of your Works themſelves. But
every thing does not produce the Serious,
and I defie you ever to turn my Works
fo as to make 'em yield any. Now does
not this fhew, that the Ridiculous reigns
in all; and that the things of the World
are not made to be treated feriously? I
have been told, fince I came hither, that
the divine Eneis of your immortal Vir-
gil has been turn'd into Burlefque Verfe.
I am charm'd with the News; 'twas im-
poffible to take a more lucky Way to make
it appear that the Magnificent and the Ri-
diculous are fuch near Neighbours, that
they even touch. Every thing refembles
thofe Inventions in Perfpective in which
you fee broken Figures difpers'd fo here
and there, that look at 'em from one Point,
and they prefent to you an Emperor; then
change your Station, and you fee a Beggar.
Sen. I'm forry for you, that the World
did not comprehend that your Buffoon
Rhimes were purely contriv'd to lead Peo-
ple into fuch profound Reflections. You'd
have been much more refpected, had they
known what a great Philofpher you were:
But

of the Dead.
97
But 'twas impoffible to find it out by the
Writings you publish'd.
Mar. Suppofe I had writ mighty Folios,
to prove that Impriſonment, Poverty, and
Banifhment, ought not in the leaft to dafh
the Gayety of a wife Man, had not thefe
been worthy of a Stoick?
Sen. Who doubts it?
Mar. Well, and I have made I know
not how many Pieces, which prove, that in
fpight of Banifhment, a Prifon, and a flen-
der Subfiftence, I actually had this Gayety.
And pray is not that better? Your
Treatifes of Morals are only Speculations
upon Wiſdom. But my Verfes were a
continu'd Practique of it, in all the Variety
of my Conditions.
Sen. I'm pofitive your pretended Wif-
dom was never the Effect of your Rea-
fon, but only of your Temper.
Mar. And that's the beft fort of Wif-
dom in the World.
Sen. Good! They are pretty wife Men
indeed that are fo by Temper! If they
are not Fools, no Praife to them. The
Happineſs of being virtuous may fome-
times proceed from Nature, but the Me-
rit of being fo arifes only from Reafon.
Mar. The World has ordinarily but a
very indifferent Efteem of what you call
a Merit. For if a Man has any Virtue,
H 2
and

98
Fontenelle's Dialogues
and it can be difcover'd that 'tis not na-
tural to him, it paffes almoft for nothing.
One wou'd think, however, that being the
Acquifition of much Labour and Applica-
tion, it fhou'd be the more valu'd: But no
matter for that, 'tis a meer Effect of his
Reaſon, and there's no trufting it.
Sen. The Inequality of Temper in your
wife Men, ought to be trufted yet leſs.
They are wife only by Fits, as it pleafes
their Blood; and one fhou'd know how
the interior Parts of their Bodies are dif-
pos'd, to judge how far their Virtue will
go. Is it not incomparably better to yield
only to the Conduct of Reafon, and to
render ones felf fo independent of Nature,
as to be in a Condition never to fear its
Surprizes?
Mar. I grant you 'twou'd be better, if
it were but poffible. But here's the Mif-
fortune, Nature always keeps a Guard on
her Rights, fhe has her firft Movements
in us, which 'tis impoffible ever to take
from her; and they often make a confide-
rable Advance before Reafon takes the
Alarm, fo that when fhe ftands to her
Arms, fhe finds already a mighty Diforder;
and 'tis a Queſtion after all, whether the
can ever retrieve it. In truth, 'tis no Sur-
prize to me if I fee fo many People who
never truft to Reafon.
Sen.

of the Dead.
99
Sen. Yet fhe, in the mean time, has the
fole Right to govern Mankind, and to
order all things in the Univerſe.
Mar. But fhe's in a very indifferent
Condition to make ufe of her Authority.
I have heard, that about a hundred Years
after your Death, a Platonick Philofopher
defir'd the Emperor that then reign'd, to
let him have a little City of Calabria which
lay in Ruins, to rebuild and politize ac-
cording to the Laws of Plato's Republick,
and call it Platonopolis. But the Empe-
ror rejected the Philofopher's Petition, and
had not Faith enough in the Reafon of the
divine Plato, to entruſt him with the Go-
vernment of this little inconfiderable City.
Judge by this now how Reafon has loft
its Credit. If the were at all valuable in
the World, Men alone are capable of
efteeming her; yet Men, it feems, do not
value her at all!
H 3
DIA-

100
Fontenelle's Dialogues
DIALOGUE VIII.
Artemifia and Raymond Lully.
STay
ARTEMISIA.
TRANGE News this! A Secret,
fay you, to change all Metals into
Gold, call'd the Philofopher's Stone, or
the GREAT WORK?
R. Lully. Yes-and I fearch'd for it a
long time.
Artemi. And found it Did you?
R. Lully. No: But the World all be-
liev'd it, and believes fo ftill. Now, to
tell you the Truth, 'tis a meer Chimera.
Artemi. Then why did you fearch for it?
R. Lully. I knew no better, 'till fince I
came hither.
Artemi. That, I take it, is ftaying for
one's Wisdom a little of the lateft.
me;
R. Lully. I fee you have a Mind to railly
but take notice, by the way, that
you and I refemble one another more than
you imagine.
Artemi. I-that's a good one! I re-
femble you? I, who was a Pattern of con-
jugal Fidelity! I, who drank off my Huf-
band's Afhes, and erected him a ftately
Monument! Pray how cou'd I reſemble
a

of the Dead.
ΙΟΙ
a Man who ſpent all his Life in fearching
for the Secret of changing Metals into
Gold?
R. Lully. Ay, no matter for that. I
know what I fay-And after all the fine
things you have boafted of your felf, you
were out of your Wits for a young Fellow
that did not care a Rufh for you. To him
you facrific'd this magnificent Monument
which gain'd you fo much Glory; and the
Athes of Maufolus, as it happen'd, were
found no very effectual Antidote against a
new Paffion.
Artemi. How came you, I'd fain know,
fo familiar in my Secrets? This Paffage of
my Life was private enough, I thought.
And I cou'd never have imagin'd that the
Publick was poffefs'd of it.
R. Lully. You'll own then our Deftinies
have fome Refemblance, fince the World
has done each of us an Honour we never
merited. You, in believing you were faith-
ful to the Manes of your Husband;
and me, in believing I had attain'd the
GREAT WORK.
Artemi. I own it freely. The Publick is
made to be cheated in many things, and
we ought to take the Advantage of its
Difpofition.
R. Lully. But was there nothing more
in common to us?
H 4
Artemi.

102
Fontenelle's Dialogues
Artemi. I can't tell-I'm not difpleas'd
to refemble you thus far-What is it?
R. Lully. Did we not both fearch for
a thing which can never be found? You
for the Secret of remaining ever faithful to
your Husband, and I for that of turning
Metals into Gold? I believe there's no
great Difference between Conjugal Fide-
lity and the Philofopher's Stone.
Artemi. I know there are fome who have
fo charitable an Opinion of Women, that
perhaps they'll think the Philofopher's
Stone not impoffible enough to enter the
Compariſon.
R. Lully. Oh! I'll warrant it as impof-
fible as they can defire.
Artemi. But how comes it then to be fo
eagerly purfu'd? And that you, who feem
to have been a Man of Senfe, fell into this
Diftraction?
R. Lully. Tis true, the Philofopher's
Stone can never be found; yet 'tis very
well worth while to fearch for it. A great
many fine Secrets open to us in that Search,
which were not look'd for at all.
Artemi. Wou'd it not be better to fearch
for thefe Secrets which can be found, than
to be eternally poring after thofe which
never can?
R. Lully. All the Sciences have their
Chimera, which they're ftill purfuing, with-
out

of the Dead.
103
out the Poffibility of laying hold of it, but
in the Chaſe they lay hold of other Difco-
veries which are very ufeful. Chymistry,
for Example, has its Philofopher's Stone,
Geometry its Quadrature of the Circle,
Aftronomy its Longitude, the Mechanicks
their perpetual Motion. 'Tis impoffi-
ble to find all this, but very useful to fearch
for it. I'm talking, perhaps, a Language
you don't well underſtand, but you under-
ftand at leaſt that Morality has its Chimera
too, and that's Difintereft, perfect Friend-
fhip. 'Tis never attain'd, yet 'tis uſeful to
pretend to attain it. For, by this at leaſt,
Men arrive at many other Virtues.
Artemi. Once again, I fhou'd think,
'twere beft to leave all Chimera's, and ap-
ply one's felf only to the Search of what
is real.
R. Lully. Do you believe that?-'Tis
fit that in every thing Men fhou'd pro-
poſe a Point of Perfection beyond their
reach. They wou'd never put themſelves
in the Road, if they expected to ar-
rive only where they actually arrive: They
muft have in view an imaginary Stage to
animate 'em. If I had been certainly told
that Chymiftry wou'd never be able to in-
ftruct me to make Gold, I fhou'd have
flighted the Study. If you had been affur'd
that the extream Fidelity, upon which
you

104 Fontenelle's Dialogues
you valu'd your felf in regard to your
Husband, was by no means natural, you
wou'd not have been at the Expence
of honouring Maufolus's Memory with
a magnificent Monument. All Courage
wou'd be loft, if not fuftain'd by falfe
Ideas.
Artemi. Then 'tis not unufeful that Men
be deceiv'd?
R. Lully. Unufeful! If by Mifchance
the Truth difcover'd her felf fuch as fhe
is, all were ruin'd. But 'tis plain the
knows of what Confequence it is, and
therefore the always keeps her ſelf in
fome manner hid.
50300
933940
DIA-

of the Dead.
105
DIALOGUE IX.
A
Apicius and Galileo.
APICIUS.
H! how forry am I that 'twas not
my Luck to be born in your Age!
Gal. According to the Notion I have of
your Humour, the Age you liv'd in fitted
you much better. Your whole Inclinati-
on was delicious eating, and you happen'd
into the World, and into Rome.too, a ve-
ry good Part of it, juft when ſhe was the
undiſturb'd Miftrefs of the Earth, when
from all Parts were daily brought the choi-
ceft Fowl and Fish, and the Globe feem'd
to have been conquer'd by the Romans
only for the Luxury of furnifhing their
Tables.
Apic. But mine was an ignorant Age,
and had there been but one Man of
your
Genius, I'd have march'd barefoot to the
World's End to find him. Travelling was
nothing with me. Do you know the Tour
I made in queft of a delicate fort of Fish I
had tafted at Minturnum in Campania?
They told me this Fifh was much larger in
Africa; immediately I fitted out a Veffel,
and away for Africa! The Voyage was
difficult

106
Fontenelle's Dialogues
difficult and full of Danger; upon the A-
frican Coaft I was met by a whole Fleet
of Fiſhermen, who had been warn'd of my
Expedition, and brought me good ftore of
the Fish which occafion'd it. I found 'em
no bigger than thofe of Minturnum; and
the fame Minute, without being touch'd
with the leaft Curiofity towards a Coun-
try I had never feen, or mov'd with the
Importunity of my Men, who begg'd hard
for a little Refreshment afhore, I order'd
the Pilots to fteer back for Italy. And
d'ye think I wou'd not much rather have
taken this Pains to find you?
Gal. I fhall never guefs for what. I was
a poor Scholar, of a plain frugal Life, al-
ways engag'd with the Stars, and very un-
skill'd in Ragous.
Apic. But you invented Optick Glaffes
to extend the Sight. And in Imitation of
you, I'm told fomebody did the fame
good Office for the Ear, and made a fort
of Trumpets to redouble and thicken the
Voice: In fhort, you perfected the Senfes,
and taught others to do the fame. I fhou'd
have requeſted you to have taken fome
Pains about the Senfe of Tafte, and to
have thought of fome Inftrument to en-
creafe the Pleaſure of eating.
Gal. Very well: As if the Tafte had
not naturally all the Perfection 'tis capable
of!
Apic.

of the Dead.
107
Apic. Why muft it be fuppos'd to have
more than the Sight?
Gal. The Sight is very perfect too; Men
have admirable good Eyes.
Apic. How's that!
Which are the
bad Eyes then that need the Affiftance of
your Glaffes?
Gal. Your Philofophers Eyes-Thofe
People whofe Concern 'tis to know whe-
ther the Sun has Spots, whether the Pla-
nets move round their own Centre, whe-
ther the Milky Way is compos'd of little
Stars, and the like; thefe are all purblind:
But the reft of Mankind, that never trou-
ble their Heads about fuch Speculations,
have an incomparable Perfection of Sight.
If you'd only enjoy Things, nothing is
wanting to compleat your Enjoyment; if
you can't be content without knowing'em,
you want all. And thus ftands the Diffe-
rence between common Men and Philofo-
phers, Art has no new Inftruments to give
to the one, and can never find the other
Inftruments enough.
Apic. I'm content that Art furnish no
new Inftruments to the common fort of
Men to help 'em to eat finer, but I'd have
her furniſh fome to Philofophers, as it has
given 'em Glaffes to fee better, and then I
fhou'd think Philofophy had well rewarded
the Pains the cofts 'em. For in fhort, what
is

108
Fontenelle's Dialogues
is fhe good for if fhe don't make Difcove-
ries, and what need is there of Discoveries,
if not for Pleaſures?
Gal. This is an old Complaint.
Apic. But fince Reafon fometimes makes
new Acquifitions, why do not the Senfes
too? I'm fure 'twou'd be to better purpoſe.
Gal. If the Senfes did fo, they wou'd be
of lefs value. They are fo perfect, that
they found at firft all the Pleaſures which
cou'd entertain 'em: And if Reafon difco-
vers new Knowledge, 'tis a matter of Com-
plaint, and fhews fhe was naturally very
imperfect.
Apic. What d'ye fay then to the Kings
of Perfia, who propos'd vaft Rewards to
thoſe who fhou'd invent new Pleafures?
Gal. I fay (with Submiflion) they were
Fools. I'll engage they never ruin'd their
Revenue by it. Invent new Pleafures!
they fhou'd firft have created new Wants.
Apic. How!-- Shou'd every Pleaſure
be founded upon a Want? I'd e'en quit
both rather. Then Nature wou'd have gi-
ven us nothing gratis?
Gal. Can I help it? But you, who
condemn my Notion, have more Intereſt
than any Body in the Truth of it. If there
were new Pleafures, wou'd you ever be
eafie to think you were not referv'd to live
in the laſt Ages, that fo you might have
the

of the Dead.
109
the Advantage of all the Diſcoveries of the
former? As for new Knowledge, I know
you'll never envy its Poffeffors.
Apic. I yield to your Opinion, which is
more to my Tafte than I imagin'd. New
Knowledge, I perceive, is no fuch mighty
Booty, fince 'tis left to any that will feize
it, and Nature has taken no Care that
Men in all Ages fhou'd ſhare it alike: But
Pleafures are of greater Value; it wou'd
be too partial to let one Age have more
than another, and for this Reaſon they are
diſtributed in a juft Equality.
DIALOGUE X.
Plato and Margaret of Scotland.
MARGARET of SCOTLAND.
C
NOME to my Aid, Divine Plato!-
I conjure you take my Part here!
Plato. Why? What's the matter?
M. of Scot. 'Tis only about a Kifs, which
in a Tranfport of Satisfaction I gave to a
learned Man, but very ugly. 'Tis in vain
for me to repeat, in my Defence, what I
faid upon the Occafion, that I long'd to
kifs that Mouth which had ſpoke fo many
fine

110
Fontenelle's Dialogues
fine Things. Here's I know not how ma-
ny Ghosts make a Ridicule of me, and
pretend to maintain that fuch Favours are
only for handfome, not fine fpeaking
Mouths, and that Learning ought not to
be paid in the fame Coin with Love. Pray
will you convince thefe Gentlemen-Ghofts
that what is moft worthy of the Paffions
is inviſible, and that we may be charm'd
with Beauty, ev'n thro' a very deform'd
Cafe of Fleſh, with which it may chance
to be cover'd.
Plato. How can you ask me to fay fuch
a ridiculous thing? There is not a Word
of Truth in't.
M. of Scot. Blefs me!--Why you've
faid it a thouſand and a thousand times.
Plato. Ay;-that was in my Life-time.
I was a Philofopher, and had a Mind to
talk of Love, the Decorum of my Chara-
cter wou'd not have allow'd me to talk of
it like the Authors of the * Milefian Tales;
and therefore I wrapt up thofe Matters in
the Jargon of Philofophy, as in a Cloud,
that they might not appear to all the
World for what indeed they were.
M. of Scot. I'm confident you never had
fuch a Thought, You certainly meant
fome other than the common Love, fince
you
The Romances of that Time.

of the Dead.
III
you have fo glorioufly defcrib'd the Jour-
nies made by winged Souls in Chariots to
the extreme Vault of Heav'n, where they
contemplate Beauty in its Effence; their
unhappy Fall from fo vaft an Elevation to
the diftant Earth, occafion'd by the Unru-
linefs of one of their Horfes; the tearing
of their Wings; their Manfion in the Bo-
dy, and what befals 'em on their meeting
with a beautiful Countenance, which they
preſently know for a Copy of that Beauty
they have feen above. The Recovery of
their Wings, which begin to fhoot out
again, and with which they endeavour a
Flight towards what they love. In fine,
that Confufion and Terror which feizes
'em upon Sight of the Beauty they know
to be divine. That holy Madneſs which
tranfports 'em, and that Defire which in-
cites 'em to facrifice to the Object of their
Love, as to the immortal Gods.
Plato. Upon my honeft Word now, all
this, well underſtood and faithfully inter-
preted, fignifies in plain Speech no more,
than that handfome Perfons are apt to in-
fpire a thoufand Tranfports.
M. of Scot. But according to your No-
tion the Soul does not reft in corporeal
Beauty, which ferves but to revive the
Memory of a Beauty infinitely more charm-
ing. Wou'd it be poffible that all thoſe
17071
I
lively

112
Fontenelle's Dialogues
lively Emotions you have pictur'd, were
caus'd only by full Eyes, a little Mouth,
and a freſh Complexion? Ah let 'em have
the Beauty of the Soul for their Object, if
you'd juftifie 'em, and your felf in paint-
ing 'em!
Plato. Shall I tell you the Truth? The
Beauty of the Wit excites Admiration;
that of the Soul, Efteem; and that of the
Body, Love. Efteem and Admiration are
calm enough, 'tis Love only is impetuous.
M. of Scot. Sure Death has made you a
Libertine,- for in your Life-time you not
only ſpoke another fort of Language about
Love, but you practis'd too the fublime
Ideas you had conceiv'd of it. Don't you
remember you were in Love with Arquea-
naffa of Colophos in fpight of old Age?
And pray did not you make theſe Verfes
on her?
Arqueanafla does infpire
In my Breaft a Lover's Fire:
Age, its feeble Spight difplaying,
Vainly wrinkles all her Face;
Cupids, in each Wrinkle playing,
Charm my Eyes with lafting Grace.
But before old Time purfu'd her,
E'er he funk thefe little Caves,
How I pity thofe who view'd her,
And in Touth were made her Slaves!
Now

of the Dead.
113
Now who can believe but this Troop of
Loves, that play'd in the Wrinkles of Ar-
queanaffa, muft have been the Charms of
her Wit, which Age had brought to Per-
fection? You bewail'd thoſe who faw her
in her Youth, becauſe her Beauty made
too great Impreffions on 'em, and you
were enamour'd with that Merit in her
which cou'd not be deftroy'd by Years.
Plato. I'm oblig'd to you for being wil-
ling to put fo favourable a Construction
on a ſmall Satire I made upon Arqueanaffa,
who, old as ſhe was, thought to make me
love her. No-my Paffions, I affure you,
were not fo Metaphyfical as you imagine,
as I have other Verfes to convince you.
And while I'm repeating 'em, if I were yet
living, I'd obferve the idle Ceremony which
I make my Socrates to ufe when he's about
to ſpeak of Love; I'd cover my Face, and
you fhou'd not hear me but thro' a Vail.
But here we have no need of fuch Forma-
lities. My Verfes are theſe:
With Pity mov'd, when generous Agathis
Rewards her Lover with an eager Kifs,
Swift to my Lips my trembling Soul I feel
Tranfported flies, and thence to hers wou'd
fteal.
M. of Scot. How!-Is this Plato?
I 2
Plato.

114
Fontenelle's Dialogues
Plato. The very fame.
M. of Scot. What, Plato? With his
fquare Shoulders, his grave Air, and all
that Philofophy he carry'd in his Head?
Had Plato a Tafte for fuch fort of Kiffes?
Plato. Ay-he had.
M. of Scot. But do you confider then,
that the Kifs I gave my Man of Science
was all purely Philofophical, which yours
to your Miftrefs was not at all; fo that I
perfonated your Character, and you mine.
Plato. I grant it. Philofophers are gal-
lant; while fuch as fhou'd feem to have
been born for Gallantry affect to be Philo-
fophers. We let thofe run after the Chi-
meras of Philofophy who don't know 'em;
and we, in the mean time, make a Stoop at
what is more real.
M. of Scot. I fee I was miftaken in my
Man, when I call'd upon the Lover of A-
gathis to juftifie my Kifs. Nay, if I had
happen'd to be in Love with this learned
Piece of Deformity, I fhou'd have been yet
more to feek, for any Vindication from
you. However, 'tis certain Wit by it felf
can create Paffions, which is a good Arti-
cle for the Women, and a faving Card for
fuch as are not handfome.
Plato. I don't know whether Wit can
create Paffions, but this I know, it often
puts the Body into a Capacity of raifing
'em

of the Dead.
115
'em without the Help of Beauty, and
gives it an Agreeablenefs which it wanted.
And for Proof of this, we fee the Body
muſt contribute its Share, and always fur-
nifh fomewhat of its own, as Youth at
leaft; for if it does not aflift it felf at all,
Wit is of no Ufe to it.
M. of Scot. As if Love muſt have al-
ways fomewhat Material!
Plato. 'Tis its Nature. Give it, if you
pleafe, Wit for its fole Object, and fee
what you'll gain by't. You'll be furpriz'd
to find it immediately returning to Matter.
If you lov'd only the Wit of your Philo-
fopher, for what Reafon did you kifs him?
'Tis, that the Body is allotted to reap the
Profit of the Paffions, even which the
Wit it felf has infpir'd.
1 3
DIA-

116
Fontenelle's Dialogues
DIALOGUE XI.
I'
Strato and Raphael Urbin.
STRATO.
Little expected that the Counfel I gave
my Slave wou'd have produc'd fuch
happy Effects; when I was above, it gain'd
me at once my Life and a Kingdom, and
it procures me the conftant Admiration of
all the Sages here below.
R. Urb. Pray what was that Counfel?
Stra. I was of Tyre. All the Slaves of
this City rebell'd, and cut their Maſters
Throats, except my Slave, who had the
Humanity to fpare my Life, and to cover
me from the Fury of all the reft. They
agreed that he amongſt 'em fhou'd be cho-
fen King who on a certain Day first per-
ceiv'd the Sun rife. They affembl'd in a
Field, and the Multitude had their Eyes
fix'd on the Eaft: But my Slave, as I had
inftructed him, look'd full Weft. The
reft, you may be fure, laugh'd at him for
a Fool: However, with his Back turn'd
on them, he ſpy'd the firft Sun-Beams on
the Top of a very high Tower, while his
Fellows were ftill ftaring after the Body of
the Sun in the Eaft. The Subtilty of his
Wit

of the Dead.
117
Wit was much admir'd, but he ingenuouf-
ly confefs'd he ow'd it to me, and that I
was yet alive. So I was immediately cho-
fen King, as if I had been fomething more
than human.
R. Urb. The Counfel you gave your
Slave prov❜d very lucky to you, but I don't
fee 'twas to be admir'd.
Stra. All the Philofophers here will an-
fwer for me, that I taught my Slave what
every wife Man ought to practife, which
is, that to diſcover the Truth you are to
turn your Back on the Multitude. And
that common Opinions are always the Rules
of found Conclufions, provided you take
'em in a contrary Senfe.
R. Urb. Ay-thofe Gentlemen talk ve-
ry well as Philofophers; 'tis their Trade
to fcandalize common Opinions and Preju-
dices, and yet there's nothing more con-
venient nor uſeful.
Stra. By your Difcourfe one wou'd guefs
you had found your Account in following
'em.
R. Urb. No-I affure you I'm very dif-
intereſted in the Matter; for Prejudices,
tho' I declare for 'em, expos'd me to much
Ridicule in the World. At Rome they
were very bufie in digging out Statues
from fome Ruins, and I being a good
Painter and Sculptor was chofen to judge
I 4
if

118
Fontenelle's Dialogues
if they were Antique. Michael Angelo,
my Rival, made privately a very fine Sta-
tue of Bacchus; when 'twas finish'd he broke
off a Finger of it, and bury'd the Figure
in a Place where he knew they wou'd dig.
As foon as 'twas found I pronounc'd it an
Antique: Michael Angelo maintain'd 'twas
Modern. I infifted chiefly upon the Beau-
ty of the Statue, which, according to the
Rules of Art, was worthy of the Hand of
a Grecian; and in the Heat of the Con-
troverfie I run this Bacchus up to the
Time of Policletus or Phidias. At laft
Michael Angelo produces the broken Fin-
ger, and that was a Reafoning which wou'd
admit of no Anfwer. I was laugh'd at for
my Prepoffeffion, but what cou'd I have
done without it? I was made a Judge,
and that Character, you know, obliges
one to a Decifion.
Stra. You fhou'd have decided accord-
ing to Reaſon.
R. Urb. Does Reafon then decide? I
fhou'd never have known, by confulting
her, whether the Statue was ancient or mo-
dern; I fhou'd only have known it was ve-
ry fine. But here comes Prejudice to my
Aid, and tells me that a fine Statue muft
needs be an Antique; this is a Decifion,
and I give Judgment.
Stra.

of the Dead.
119
Stra. 'Tis not ftrange if Reafon furnish
no inconteftable Principles upon Matters
of fuch little Importance; but upon all
that regards the Conduct of Men, her De-
cifions are very certain, and the only Mif-
fortune is that fhe's feldom confulted.
R.Urb. Let's confult her then upon any
Point, to fee what she'll eftabliſh. Let's
ask her whether People fhou'd weep or
laugh at the Death of their Friends and
Relations. She tells you, on one fide,
they're loft to you,-weep then.
On
the other, they are deliver'd out of the
Miferies of Life,-therefore laugh. Thefe
are the Anfwers of Reafon. But the Cu-
ftom of the Country foon determines this.
We weep, if that commands us, and fo
heartily too that we have not the leaft No-
tion that it were poffible to laugh on fuch
an Occaſion: Or we laugh fo heartily, that
we can't conceive how it were poffible to
weep.
Stra. Reafon is not always fo irrefolute.
She leaves that only to be executed by Pre-
judice, which 'tis not worth her while to
execute: But upon how many very confi-
derable Affairs has fhe moft exact Ideas,
from whence fhe deduces equal Confe-
quences?e the deduces
R. Urb. Thefe exact Ideas are but a ve-
ry fmall Number, or I'm much mistaken.
Stra.

120
Fontenelle's Dialogues
Stra. No matter for that. 'Tis to them
alone an entire Faith is due.
R. Urb. That's impoffible; fince Rea-
fon propoſes too fmall a Number of cer-
tain Maxims, and the Mind is made to be-
lieve more. So that the Surplus of its Cre-
dulity goes to the Advantage of Prejudices,
and falfe Opinions come in to fill up the
Vacancy.od sides
Stra. And what Occafion is there to
throw ones felf into Error? Can't a Man,
in doubtful Matters, fufpend his Judgment?
Reaſon flops when the is at a Lofs which
Path to take.
R. Urb. True. In that Cafe fhe has no
other Secret to prevent her lofing her Way,
than not to move one Step further. The
Road divides into two, and there fhe re-
mains at a Stand. But this is a violent Po-
fture to the Mind of Man, it is naturally
in Motion and muft proceed. All the
World are not qualify'd to doubt, there
muſt be Knowledge to arrive at that, and
Force to hold there. Befides, Doubt is
void of Action, and Men must be in Action.
Stra. Therefore People ought to retain
the Prejudices of Cuftom, that they may
act like Men. But to get rid of the Pre-
judices of the Underſtanding, in order to
act like wife Men.
R. Urb.

of the Dead.
121
R. Urb. 'Tis better to retain all. Per-
haps you don't know the two Anfwers of
the old Samnite to his Countrymen, who
fent to ask his Advice what they fhou'd
do when they had inclos'd in a narrow
Pafs the Romans, their mortal Enemies,
and had it in their Power to do with 'em
what they pleas'd. He anfwer'd, that they
fhou'd put 'em all to the Sword. This
Counfel feem'd too harsh and cruel, and
the Samnites fent once more to remon-
ftrate the Inconvenience of it. He reply'd
then that they fhou'd give 'em all their
Lives without Conditions. They follow'd
neither of his Directions, and they paid
for their Folly. 'Tis the fame with Pre-
judices; keep 'em all, or exterminate
all; elfe thofe you put away will make
you diftruft all the Opinions you retain.
The Misfortune of being deceiv'd in many
things, will be no longer balanc'd by the
Pleafure of being deceiv'd unknowingly.
And in fhort, you'll neither have the
Lights of Truth, nor the Charms of Er-
ror.
Stra. If there is no way to avoid the Al-
ternative you propofe, one need not paufe
which Side to take: Men muft rid them-
felves of all Prejudices.
R. Urb. But Reafon clears the Mind of
all its old Opinions, without fubftituting
any

122
Fontenelle's Dialogues
any others in their Room. She makes a
kind of Vacuum in it, and who can bear
that? No; together with that ſmall
Share of Reaſon which Men poffefs, they
must have their Quantum of Prejudices
too, as ufual Prejudices are the Supple
ment of Reafon. All that is deficient on
one Side is made up on the other.
DIALOGUE XII
Lucretia and B. Plomberg.
Y
B. PLOMBERG.
OU'LL fcarce believe me now, yet
there's nothing more true: The Em-
peror Charles the Fifth had an Affair with
the Princefs I nam'd, and I ferv'd as a
Blind. But that was not all. The Prin-
cefs defir'd me to be Mother to a young
Prince that was born; and to oblige her I
confented. I fee I have furpriz'd you!-
Have you not heard fay, that whatever
Merit People have, they ought to be fu-
perior to it by the little value they put up-
on it? That your Wits, for Inftance,
ought to be above their own Talent? For
my

of the Dead.
123
my part, I was above my Virtue, I had
more than I car'd for.
Luc. Phoo-you play the Fool; one
can never have too much.
B. Plom. In carneft, if I might be fent
into the World again, upon Condition I
fhou'd be the moſt accomplish'd of all my
Sex, I am confident I fhou'd refufe the
Offer. My Perfections, I know, wou'd
pique a great many others, and I fhou'd be
eternally wishing for fome Defect, for the
Confolation of thofe I were to live with.
Luc. It feems then, that in pure good
Nature to the Women of lefs Virtue, you
were pleas'd to qualifie yours.
B. Plom. I qualify'd the Appearance of
it, left they fhou'd have look'd upon me
as their Accufer to the Publick, if they
had thought me more fevere than them-
felves.
Luc. They were highly oblig'd to you,
efpecially the Princefs, who was particu-
larly happy in finding a Mother for her
Children. And did the put but one upon
you?
B. Plom. No.
Luc. I'm amaz'd! She might have made
more ufe of fo commodious a Friend, for
it ſeems you never troubl'd your ſelf with
Reputation.
B. Plom.

124
Fontenelle's Dialogues
B. Plom. Now prepare to wonder.
Know then, that this Indifference for my
Reputation was lucky to me. The Truth
difcover'd it felf, in fpight of all my Care;
and 'twas found that the young Prince was
none of mine. People did me more Ju
ftice that I defir'd, and it feem'd as if they
refolv'd to make me a double Reparation
for my having been fo little oftentatious
of my Virtue, and for my Generofity in
excufing the Publick from paying me the
Efteem which was my due.
Luc. A very pretty fort of Generofity!
There's no Abatement to be made to the
Publick in that Article.
B. Plom. How?-'Tis very humorous,
let me tell you, and often ftrives to revolt
from thofe that pretend too imperiously to
exact its Efteem. You, of all the World,
fhou'd know this beft. There have been
fome fo ftrangely affronted at your extra-
vagant Ardour for Glory, that they have
done their Endeavour to leffen, as much as
poffible, the mighty Merit of your Death
Luc. And which way cou'd they attack
fo heroick an Action?
B. Plom. How do I know!-I think
they fay you play'd the Heroine a little of
the latest. That your Death wou'd have
been much more a propos, if you had not
flay'd for the Raviſher's laſt Efforts: But
that

of the Dead.
125
that you feem'd loth to kill your felf Hand
over Head, and not know for what. In
fine, the World appears to have done
you Juftice with Regret, and me with
Pleaſure, perhaps becauſe you were too
hafty in the Purfuit of Glory, and I let
it come without wifhing for.
Luc. Add too, that you did all you
cou'd to hinder it.
B. Plom. Well; and is the Merit of
Modefty nothing? I had fo much as to be
willing to conceal my Virtue. You, on
the contrary, were for making a Parade
with yours. You wou'd not kill your felf,
but in Form, with all your Family about
you. Is not Virtue then content to be
her own Witnefs? And fhou'd not great
Souls defpife this Phantom, Glory?
Luc. Have a care of that; 'tis too dange-
rous a Piece of Wiſdom. This Phantom,
as you call it, is the most powerful thing in
the World. 'Tis the Soul of all, 'tis preferr'd
to every thing, and do but obferve how it
peoples the Elizian Plains. Glory fends
us more Multitudes hither than a Feaver.
I have fome Right to fay fo; for I was my
felf of the Number.
B. Plom. You ought then to pafs for a
Fool with the reft, you that dy'd of that
vain Diftemper. For from the first Mo-
ment

126 Fontenelle's Dialogues
ment one is here, all the Glory in the
World does one no good.
Luc. True-but 'tis one of the Secrets
of this Place--and the Living ought ne-
ver to know a Word of it.
B. Plom. Why-what's the Harm if
they part with an Idea that deceives 'em?
Luc. Then Farewel all Heroick Actions.
B. Plom. No; People wou'd perform
'em out a Principle of Duty, and that's a
nobler View, 'tis founded upon Reaſon.
Luc. And 'tis that makes it too weak.
Glory is founded upon the Imagination, and
is therefore much more powerful. Even
Reafon it felf wou'd not approve that
Men fhou'd fubmit themſelves to her Con-
duct alone, fhe's too fenfible how much
fhe needs the Affiftance of the Imagination.
When Curtius was juft going to facrifice
himfelf for his Country, and to ride arm'd
into the Gulf that open'd in the middle of
Rome, had it been faid to him, 'Tis your
Duty now to leap into this Abyss, but be
affur'd no Body will ever speak a Word of
your Exploit-in earnest I'm afraid Curtius
wou'd have turn'd back his Horfe.
For
my own part, I won't fwear I fhou'd have
kill'd my felf upon the bare View of my
Duty. For what? I fhou'd have thought
my Duty not touch'd by the Rape, or at
moft, that it might have been fatisfy'd
with

of the Dead.
127
with Tears. But for a glorious Name the
Dagger was neceffary, and fo I ftabb'd my
felf.
B. Plom. Shall I tell you my Opinion
of the Matter? I fhou'd think thefe great
Actions might as well be omitted, as per-
form'd out of fo falfe a Principle as that of
Glory.
Luc. Not fo faft, I beseech you- All
Duties are fulfill'd, tho' not as Duties.
All great Actions, which 'tis fit Men fhou'd
perform, are perform'd: In a Word, the
Order which Nature wou'd eftabliſh in
the World has its Courfe; and there's no
more to be faid, but this, What the cou'd
not have obtain'd of our Reafon, ſhe ob-
tains of our Folly.
K
FON-

1401

FONTENELLE'S
DIALOGUES
OF THE
DEAD.
MODERN.
3

ODEK
DIVTOCDE2
ТОМИРИЕТЕ?

20 [131]
FONTENELLE'S
DIALOGUES
OF THE
DEAD.
DIALOGUE I
Anne of Britany, and Mary of England.
F
ANNE of BRITANT
OR certain my Death was a fingular
Pleaſure to you, fince you pafs'd the
Sea immediately to marry Louis XII. and
take Poffeflion of the Throne I left vacant.
Yet you had but little Enjoyment of it;
and that very Youth and Beauty, which
captivated the King fo extravagantly, and
K 3
made

132
Fontenelle's Dialogues
made him fo eafily forget the Lofs of me,
reveng'd my Quarrel on you, for they
haften'd on his Death, and difappointed you
of being long a Queen.
M. of Eng. It's true, Royalty fhew'd it
felf like an Apparition to me, and vaniſh'd
in an Inftant.
A. of Bri. And, after this, you became
Dutchefs of Suffolk; a very fair Fall!-
But I (Thanks to my Stars) had a bet-
ter Deſtiny, for when Charles VIII. dy'd,
I loft not my Royalty by his Deceaſe, but
marry'd his Succeffor, a peculiar Inſtance
of good Fortune.
M. of Eng. Will you believe me now,
if I tell you I never envy'd you in the leaft
this good Fortune?
A. of Bri. No indeed I apprehend
too well, what 'tis to be Dutchefs of Suf-
folk, after having been Queen of France.
M. of Eng. But I lov'd my Lord of
Suffolk.
A. of Bri. No matter for that-Is it
poffible for one who has tafted the Plea-
fures of Royalty, to reliſh any others?
M. of Eng. Yes-provided they are
thofe of Love. I declare to you that you
had no Reafon to wifh me ill, becauſe I
fucceeded you; had I been always Miſtreſs
of my Fate, I wou'd have been no other
than Dutchefs of Suffolk. I return'd im
medi

of the Dead.
133
mediately into England, very well fa-
tisfy'd to take up this Title, when I was
free from that of Queen.
A. of Bri. Sure you're not of fo mean a
Spirit.
M. of Eng. I confefs Ambition was not
my Tafte. Nature has furniſh'd Human-
kind with Pleaſures that are plain, eafy,
and ferene, and their Imagination has cre-
ated 'em fuch as are perplex'd, uncertain,
and hard to come by: But Nature cer-
tainly is more ingenious to chooſe Plea-
fures for 'em, than they for themſelves,
why then do they not leave the Care of it
to her? She has invented Love, a moft
agreeable one, and they have found out
Ambition, of which there was no need.
A. of Bri. Who told you they found
out Ambition? The Defires of Greatnefs
and Command are no lefs infpir'd by Na-
ture, than the foft Inclination of Love.
M. of Eng. Ambition is eafily known
for a Child of the Imagination, it wears
fuch lively Marks of its Father's Features.
It is a moft reftlefs bufie thing, full of Pro-
jects and Chimera's; no fooner has it come
up to its Wiſhes, but it bounds away be-
yond 'em, and runs a giddy Race which
has no Goal.
A. of Bri. But Love, for its Misfor-
tune, reaches the Goal too foon.
M. of Eng.
K 4

134
Fontenelle's Dialogues
M. of Eng. If that thou'd be granted,
yet all the Confequence is, Love can make
us often happy, but Ambition never; or
if it can, yet Pleafures of that fort are but
for few People, and therefore 'tis not Na-
ture offers 'em, for her Favours are uni-
verfal. Now look upon Love! It's made
for the whole World. 'Tis only thoſe
miftaken Wretches that feek Happiness in
extravagant Elevations of Grandeur, whom
Nature feems to have thought unworthy
of thefe tender Enjoyments. A King, who
has a hundred thoufand Hands at Com-
mand, can ſcarce be fecure of one Heart;
and can never be certain whether thofe
Services are not paid to his Quality only,
which wou'd freely be perform'd to the
Perfon of another. In fhort, Royalty de-
prives him of all thofe Pleafures, which
have the moſt Simplicity in 'em, and the
moft foothing Tenderness.
A. of Bri. You have not prov'd the Con-
dition of Kings much more unhappy for this
fmall Inconvenience you're pleas'd to dif
cover in it. To fee my Will not only
follow'd, but even prevented, an Infinity
of Fortunes depending on a fingle Word,
which I can pronounce when I pleafe; fuch
a World of Cares, fuch endlefs Defigns,
unweary'd Applications, and eager Sollici-
citude to pleaſe, of which I am the fole
Object,

of the Dead.
135
Object, certainly with this Confolation I
may be fatisfy'd, tho' I don't know pre-
cifely whether 'tis for my Rank I'm be-
lov'd, or for my Perfon. But the Plea-
fures of Ambition, you fay, are made but
for a few; now that commends 'em to me
the more. Singularity in good Fortune
is that which moſt pleaſes, and fuch as
wear Crowns are fingl'd fo advantage-
oufly from the Condition of other People,
that what they lofe in Pleafures common
to all the World, is abundantly fupply'd
in others more fublime.
M. of Eng. Alas! do but judge of the
Lofs they fuffer, by the Senfibility with
which they entertain thefe plain and com-
mon Pleafures when any one prefents it
felf to 'em. Will you pleafe to hear a
pleafant Relation which I had t'other Day
from a Princefs of my own Blood, who
reign'd long and happily in England, but
unmarry'd. When the gave the firft Au-
dience to the Dutch Ambaffadors, there was
in their Retinue a very handfome young
Gentleman, who, upon Sight of the Queen,
turn'd immediately to thoſe who ſtood
next to him, and fpoke fomething very
foftly, but with fuch a peculiar Air, that
her Majefty took notice of it, and pretty
well guefs'd the Matter too; for Women
have an admirable Inftinct, you know.
Three

136
Fontenelle's Dialogues
Three or four Words of this young Hol-
lander, tho' fhe heard not a Syllable of 'em,
took up her Thoughts more than a whole
Harangue of the Ambaffadors; and as foon
as ever they were withdrawn, fhe refolv'd
to fatisfie her Curiofity, and commanded
thofe, to whom the Gentleman fpoke, to
tell her what it was. They anfwer'd, with
a world of Refpect, that it wou'd be Pre-
fumption to fo great a Queen, and excus'd
themſelves a great while from repeating it.
But at last, when the us'd her Authority,
fhe was inform'd that the Hollander had
faid foftly, that-upon his Faith fhe was a
very handfome Perfon, and-in fhort,
that he added fome Expreffions free enough,
but very fprightly, to fignify fome certain
Wiſhes, and that fhe was a Woman to his
Fancy, This they related with a great
deal of Apprehenfion, but they might
have fpar'd their Fears, for the worst that
follow'd, was only this, That when the
Ambaffadors took their Audience of Leave,
fhe was pleas'd to make, the Gallant Hol-
lander a confiderable Prefent. Thus you
fee, that notwithstanding the Croud of
Pleaſures which belong to Pomp and Roy-
alty, this fmall Pleaſure of being thought
handfome made its way through 'em all,
and touch'd her very Soul with its Charms.
Bailtal
A. of Bri.

of the Dead.
137
A. of Bri. Yet after all, fhe wou'd never
have been willing to purchafe it with the
Lofs of the others. Whatever's too plain
and fimple, is not accommodated to hu-
man Nature. Mankind is not content that
Pleaſure fhou'd only play upon their Sen-
fes with touching Softnefs, unlefs it agi-
tate and tranfport 'em. What's the Rea-
fon, I beseech you, that the Paftoral Life,
as the Poets have painted it, adorn'd all
with Sweetnefs and pleafant Simplicity,
has only been found in their Works, and
wou'd not fucceed in the Practice?
'Tis too foft, and has no Variety.
M. of Eng. But will you tell me whence
it happens, that the Profpect of the proud-
eft and most pompous Court in the Uni-
verfe, fooths the Mind lefs than thoſe foft
Ideas their Fancies prefent to 'em in fuch
a Life. Certainly 'tis becaufe they were
form'd for it.
A. of Bri. It feems then, that the En-
joyment of your fimple and ferene Plea-
fures, finds place only among the agreeable
Dreams which Men form in their Fancies!
M. of Eng. I beg your Pardon!-Tho'
'tis plain that Few have a Tafte good enough
to chooſe thefe Pleafures at firft, yet they are
glad to end with 'em, when they can. And
thus the Imagination having weary'd it felf
in the Round of falfe Objects, returns at
laft to fuch as are true.
DIA-

138 Fontenelle's Dialogues
DIALOGUE II.
Charles V. and Erafmus.
Mer
ERASMUS.
AKE no doubt of it if there
were any Superiority of Place a-
mong the Dead, I tell you I wou'd not
yield to you an Inch.
Ch. V. How! Why, fhall a Gram-
marian, a Scholar, and (to equip you
with the best of your Titles) a Man of
Wit, pretend to hold up his Head, and
flourish it over a Prince that faw himſelf
Mafter of the beft Part of Europe?
Eraf. You may put America into the
Scale too, if you pleafe, and yet I won't
fear you a Jot the more. All this Gran-
deur was mere Chance-Work, and no more,
in fhort, than a Compofition of lucky Ac-
cidents; and he that fhall take 'em to
pieces, and examine 'em feverally, muft
needs make you fenfible of it too. As for
Example-Had Ferdinand, your Grand-
father, been a Man of his Word,
you had
fcarce had a Foot of Land in Italy-If
any of the other Princes cou'd have found
Brains enough to comprehend that there
were Antipodes, Columbus had ne'er made
his

of the Dead.
139-
his Applications to him, and America had
ne'er been a Part of your Inheritance-
If after the Death of the laft Duke of
Burgundy, Louis the Eleventh had confi-
der'd what he did, Maximilian had never
had Burgundy to his Share, nor you the
Low Countries. And if Henry of Caftile,
your Grandmother's Brother, had not lain
under a fcandalous Character among the
Women, or if his Spoufe had not been of
a Virtue that no Body wou'd fwear for,
her Daughter had pafs'd for his own, and
you had been fairly wip'd of the King-
dom of Caftile.
Ch. V. Why, you make me quake with
Fear Methinks I'm even at this Mi-
nute lofing Caftile, the Netherlands, Ame-
rica, or Italy.
Eraf. You may fpare your Railery!
Among theſe your Anceſtors aforefaid,
cou'd one have been furnish'd with a little
more Wit, and another with a little more
Honefty, 'twou'd have coft you dear.
There is not one Particular I've related,
but was neceffary for the making up
of your Fortune, even to the very Impo-
tence of your great Uncle, and the Wan-
tonnefs of your great Aunt. And this, no
doubt, is a very folid Building that's rais'd
on fuch precarious Foundations!
Ch. V.

140
Fontenelle's Dialogues
Ch. V. In Truth, who can ftand fo fe-
vere a Scrutiny as this? I must own that
all my Grandeur and Titles vaniſh before
you into nothing.
Eraf. Yet thefe are the Ornaments
which you thought made you fo fine!
With what cafe have I ftripp'd you of
your Feathers! Don't you remember the
Story of Cimon the Athenian? who having
taken feveral Perfian Prifoners, expos'd
their Habits to Sale on one fide of the
Way, and their naked Bodies on t'other;
now the Habits being very rich, there was
a prodigious Croud of Purchafers about
'em; but how many d'ye think for the
Men? Not one. In good earnest, I'm
of Opinion that a Multitude of People
wou'd fare like thefe Perfians, cou'd one
feparate their Perfonal Merit from the
Gifts which Fortune has beftow'd on 'em.
Ch. V. But what is Perfonal Merit, I
pray?
Éraf. Is that a Queftion? All that's
within us, as Wit for Example, and Know-
ledge.
Ch. V. And from hence you allow we
may derive our Glory?
Eraf. Doubtlefs-Thefe are not the
Goods of Fortune, like Nobility or Riches.
Ch. V. I'm amaz'd at what you fay!-
Don't the Sciences, I beseech you, defcend
to

of the Dead.
141
to the Learned in the fame manner as
Riches do to the Men of Fortune, that is,
by Succeffion? I tell ye, you Learned Men
inherit the Antients as we do our Fathers;
as theſe have left us all we poffefs, fo
the other have bequeath'd you all you
know. And from hence it comes to pass,
that many Men of Letters have the fame
Veneration for the Traditions of the An-
tients, that fome others have for the Lands
and Houſes of their Anceſtors, and wou'd
take it very ill to have any thing chang'd.
Eraf. But great Perfons are born Heirs
to their Father's Grandeur, fo are not the
Learned to the Knowledge of the Antients.
Learning is not an Estate which a Man re-
ceives by Succeffion, but an Acquifition
which he makes; or if 'tis a Succeffion, yet
it is fo hard to come by, that there is room
enough left for Glory ftill.
Ch. V. Well- pray be pleas'd then
to weigh the Pains in acquiring thefe
Riches of the Mind, with the Trouble of
preferving thofe of Fortune, and you'll
find the Scales pretty even. For, in short,
if Difficulty be only regarded by you, it's
a clear Cafe that the Buſineſs and Affairs
of the World have more of that, than the
quiet Amuſements and Speculations of the
Clofet.
Eraf.

142
Fontenelle's Dialogues
Eraf. But we'll wave (if you pleafe) the
Difpute about Learning, and confine our
felves to the Topick of Wit. This, at leaft,
is a Poffeffion that does by no means de-
pend upon Chance.
Ch. V. Are you fure of that? What,
does not Wit depend upon a certain hap-
py Difpofition of the Brain, and is it lefs
a Chance to be born with a Brain well
temper'd, than to be born the Son of a
King? You were a great Wit, I confess,
but will you do me the Favour to enquire
of all the Philofophers how this came to
pafs, and what hinder'd you from being a
ftupify'd Blockhead? 'Twas nothing al-
moft, a fmall Difpofition of the Fibres, or
fome fuch flender Matter, which efcapes
the Search of the most exact Anatomy.
And yet after all, thefe Gentlemen, the
Wits, have the Affurance to bear us in
Hand that theirs are the only Goods inde-
pendent on Fortune, and think they have
a Right, upon that Score, to take Place of
all the reft of Mankind.
Eraf. It feems then, by your Account,
the Merit is the fame, to have good Store
of Coin, or a large Share of Wit?
Ch. V. To have Wit is the happieft
Chance of the two, but it's a Chance
ftill.
Eraf. Why then, in fhort, all's Chance.
Ch. V.

of the Dead.
143
Ch. V. 'Tis fo, if by Chance we mean
a fecret Difpofition and Order which we
are not acquainted with. You talk'd, juft
now, of ftripping Men of their Feathers;
I'll be judg'd by your felf, if I have not
ftripp'd 'em of finer Feathers than you did.
You only robb'd 'em of fome Advantages
of Birth, but I have taken from 'em thofe
of the Mind. If Mankind, before they
grew vain upon any thing, wou'd but
confider how far they cou'd make out
their Title, there wou'd be no fuch thing
as Vanity in the World.
DIALOGUE III.
Elizabeth, Queen of England, and the
rope Duke of Alençon.
B
The DUKE of Alençon.
DUT what did you mean by flattering
me fo long with Hopes that I fhou'd
marry you, when you were refolv'd in
your Soul to come to no Conclufion?
Q. Eliz. You have no fuch particular
Caufe to complain; I ferv'd feveral others
juft fo, who were in nothing your Infe-
L
riors.

144
Fontenelle's Dialogues
riors. I was indeed the Penelope of my
Age: You, and the Duke of Anjou your
Brother, the Arch-Duke and the King of
Sweden, were all my Suitors, who pleas'd
your feives with the Hopes of an Inland
much more confiderable than that of
Ithaca. I held you in Sufpence for feve-
ral Years, and at laft-I laugh'd at
you.
D. of Alen. We have fome certain Per-
fons here, who wou'd fcarce allow that
you were fo like Penelope as you pretend,
not every way at leaft But Compari-
fons, you know, are always defective in
fome Point or other.
I
Q. Eliz. Look you, my Lord,
never took you for a Wit, and I fee no
reafon to alter my Opinion of you now-
But, in fhort, if you had Senfe enough to
confider what you fay
D. of Alen. Mighty well! this Heroick
Air becomes you admirably! But, Com-
pliments apart, (which are idle among the
Dead) what an oftentatious Flouriſhing
did you always make about your Virgi-
nity, and being a Maiden Queen? Witness
that great Country in America, which you
nam'd Virginia, in Memory of the moft
fufpected of all your Qualities; a Name
which wou'd never have paſs'd, had not
the Place, by good Luck, been in another
World.

of the Dead:
145
World. But no matter for that, for I'm
upon another Queftion; and pray will you
give me but one Reafon for that myfterious
Conduct of yours, and all thofe Projects
of Marriage which ended in nothing? Was
it becauſe your Father Henry VIII. was
fix times marry'd, that you took a Refo-
lution not to marry at all, as the perpetual
Rambles of Charles V. taught Philip the
Second never to ftir from Madrid?
ir from
Q Eliz. I might very well ftand to the
Reafon you have furnish'd me withal. My
Father, in effect, fpent his whole Life in
marrying and unmarrying, in repudiating
fome of his Wives, and beheading others.
Now here was the true Secret of my Con-
duct, that I had obferv'd there was no-
thing pleaſanter in the World than to a-
mufe one's felf with forming Defigns, and
making great Preparations, without exe-
cuting any. Poffeffion is always fhort of
Hope, and things never pafs out of Ima-
gination into Reality without lofing confi-
derably. When you came into England
to efpoufe me, there was nothing but Balls,
Feafts, and continual Rejoycing; nay, I
proceeded fo far as to give you a Ring:
And hitherto every thing had as fmiling a
Face as was poflible, becaufe all this was
Preparation and Idea; therefore having
thus exhauſted all the Agreeable belonging
L 2
To

146
Fontenelle's Dialogues
to Marriage, I did prudently to ftop there,
and fend you home again about your Bu-
finefs.
your
D. of Alen. To fpeak freely
Maxims wou'd never have fitted me. No;
I fhou'd have been for fomething more
than Chimera's.
Q. Eliz. Alas! if Chimera's were to
be taken from Mankind, what Pleafure
wou'd they have remaining? I fee plainly
now that you did not tafte the moſt agreea-
ble Parts of your Life. But, in Truth, I
muft fay you were very unhappy for it.
D. of Alen. Agreeable? Sure you only
railly me
In all my Life what had I
agreeable? I never fucceeded in any one
thing. Four times I was flatter'd with the
Hopes of a Crown. Firft Poland was in
Profpect, then England, afterward the
Low-Countries, and laftly France in all
Appearance was to have been mine, and
yet in Conclufion I was King of nothing.
Q. Eliz. Why that now is the very
Happineſs which you was not aware of.
To be always amus'd with Hopes and ima-
ginary Profpects, like Vifions of Fairy-
Land, without any thing real. For you
did nothing but prepare for Royalty as
long as you liv'd, as I did for Marriage.
D. of Alen. But as I'm of Opinion that
an actual Marriage wou'd have done you
no

of the Dead.
147
no Difpleaſure, fo I confefs a true Roy-
alty wou'd have pleas'd me very well.
Q. Eliz. Alas! Pleafures are not folid
enough to bear our plunging into 'em, we
must be content to play only upon their
Surface. They are like thofe marfhy
Grounds which a Man may well enough
run lightly over, but if he venture to fix
his Foot, they fink away beneath him.
DIALOGUE
IV.
William of Cabeftan and Albert Fre-
derick of Brandenbourg.
I
A. FR. of BRANDENBOURG.
Love you the better, methinks, for
having been out of your Wits as
well as my felf. But pray let's have the
Hiftory of your Folly; how came it to
pafs?
W. of Cab. I was a Provencial Poet,
much efteem'd in my Age, and hence aroſe
my Misfortune. I fell in Love with a Dam-
fel I had made famous by my Verfes: She
took fuch a Pride in my Poetry, that the
was afraid I fhou'd employ it in Honour of
fomebody elfe; and, in fhort, to fecure
L 3
my

148
Fontenelle's Dialogues
my Mufe to her felf, fhe prefented we with
a damn'd Potion that turn'd my Brain, and
fpoil'd me for a Verfe-maker for ever.
A. Fr. of Brand. Pray how long have
you been dead?
W. of Cab. About four hundred Years.
A. Fr. of Brand. Sure Poets were very
fcarce in your Age, fince People efteem'd
'em fo much, as to poifon 'em i'that fafhi-
on. I'm forry you was not born in my
Time, you might have made Verfes upon
all the handfome Women in Christendom,
and no danger of your being poifon'd for't.
W. of Cab. I believe it: For among all
the Wits and Poets that are come hither,
I do not hear one complaining he met with
the fame Deſtiny. But pray how was it
that you loft your Wits?
A. Fr. of Brand. Troth, in a very ratio-
nal manner. -There was a certain King
who run mad with having feen a Goblin in
a Foreft; but what was that? I had a Vi-
fion, I affure you, much more terrible.
W. of Cab. And what did you fee then?
A. Fr. of Brand. What? Why the
dreadful Preparations of my own Nupti
als. I was marry'd to Maria Eleonora of
Cleves, and at the Wedding-Feaft I was
mufing upon the Matter, and I made fuch
deep judicious Reflections on Matrimony,
that I had not a Drachm of Judgment left,
W. of Cab,

of the Dead.
149
W. of Cab. Pray had you any fober In-
tervals afterward?
A. Fr. of Brand. Yes indeed.
W. of Cab. So much the worfe; and I
was yet more unhappy, for my Wits were
reftor'd entirely.
A. Fr. of Brand. I fhou'd not have call'd
that an Unhappineſs.
W. of Cab. Why then you know nothing.
For when one is once a Fool, 'tis beft to
be a Fool abfolute and for ever: Thefe
Alternatives of Reafon and Folly, and
thefe entire Returns of Reafon, are Mif-
fortunes which attend us leffer Fools only,
who were fo by Accident. But if you ob-
ferve thoſe which Nature produces every
Day in her ordinary Courfe, and which
people the World with their Numbers,
you'll find 'em always uniform, thorough-
pac'd, finifh'd Fools, that are never cur'd
at all.
A. Fr. of Brand. For my part, I fhou'd
have fancy'd 'twas beft to be as little of a
Fool as one cou'd.
W.of Cab. I find you are not fenfible of the
Advantage of Folly: It hinders a Man from
knowing himself; and really the Profpect
of one's felf is but a very melancholy one.
And fince 'tis never like to be otherwife,
when we have once loft it, we thou'd ne-
ver wiſh to recover it one fingle Moment.
L 4
A Fr.

150 Fontenelle's Dialogues
A. Fr. of Brand. You talk very prettily,
methinks.-Yet never think to perfuade
me that there are any fuch abfolute Fools
as you fpeak of; I believe there are none
but fuch as we were: All the reft of
Mankind have Reafon; or elfe to lofe
one's Wits wou'd be to lofe nothing, and
there wou'd be no Diftinction betwixt Mad-
men and Men in their Senfes.
W. of Cab. Mad-men are only Fools of
a particular Species. For the Follies of
Men in general, being of the fame Nature,
do very luckily agree fo well together, that
they ſerve for the ftrongeft Tics of Socie-
ty. Witneſs that ambitious Defire of Im-
mortality, that falfe Glory, and a thoufand
other Principles, which give Motion to
all the Affairs that are tranfacted in the
World: And none are call'd Fools by all
People, but fome certain Fools who are
out of the Game, as it were, and whofe
Folly is not in Tune with the reft, nor
enters into the ordinary Commerce of
Life.
A.Fr. of Brand. But your Mad-men are
fuch Fools that they often cry Fool at one
another, whereas other Men converfe to-
gether as wife Perfons.
W. of Cab. Have a Care what you fay!
I tell you all Men are making Mouths and
pointing at one another, and, if you pleaſe,
you

of the Dead.
ISI
you may obferve that this is a judicious
Eftabliſhment of Nature. For Inftance,
the folitary Man laughs at the Courtier,-
but in Recompence he never croffes his
Game at Court. The Courtier ridicules
the folitary Man, but never difturbs him in
his Retreat. If there were but one Party
univerfally acknowledg'd to be the only
People of Reafon, all the World wou'd be for
ftriking in amongst 'em, and there wou'd
be eternally Crouds and Confufion; there-
fore 'tis much better they fhou'd divide in-
to a great many lefs Troops, that do not
embarafs together, but take all their feve-
ral Ways, and laugh at one another.
A. Fr. of Brand. To deal freely, I find
Death it felf has not cur'd you, but with
all your Reasoning you're as great a Fool
as ever. That curfed Draught will never
be out of your Head.
W. of Cab. Why that's the Notion now
which one Fool fhou'd have of another.
True Wiſdom wou'd too much diftinguiſh
and fingularize its Poffeffors, but the Opi-
nion of Wiſdom puts all Men upon a Le-
yel, and yet fatisfies 'em every whit as well.
DIA-

152
Fontenelle's Dialogues
DIALOGUE V.
Agnes Sorel and Roxolana,
Tot
A. SORE L.
"O tell you the Truth, I don't under-
ftand your Turkish Gallantry: The
Ladies of the Seraglio have a domineering
fort of a Lover, that needs only fay-Tis
my Pleafure-a very blunt way of Court-
fhip, where there's no fuch thing, on one
fide, as gentle Repulfes and foft engaging
Refiftance, nor any Submiffions or Care
to pleaſe on t'other; which is as much as
to ſay, that the Sultans and their Sultanas
lofe all the agreeable Part of Love.
Rox. How wou'd you have it? The
Turkish Emperors are extreamly jealous of
their Authority, and upon politick Rea-
fons have neglected thefe refin'd Tender-
neffes, left the Ladies, not being in abfo-
lute Dependance, fhou'd ufurp too great a
Pow'r over 'em fometimes, and meddle too
much in their Affairs of State.
A. Ser. Well-and fuppofe they did,
are they fure 'twou'd be a Misfortune?
Love is ingenious in a thoufand things,
and here ftands the Perfon (tho' I fay't)
who if ſhe had not been Sovereign of the
French

of the Dead.
153
French King's Affections, Heav'n only
knows where France had been at this Mo-
ment. Pray-have you ne'er heard what
a wretched Condition our Affairs were in
under Charles the Seventh, and to what a
hopeful Pafs all was brought, when the
English were become Mafters of almoſt the
whole Kingdom?
Rox. Yes, that I have; for the Hiftory
has made a mighty Noife, and I know
that a certain Maid was the Deliverer of
France. But what
were you, at the
fame time, the King's Miftrefs too?
A. Sor. You're in a Miftake; that Maid
and I are not at all akin. The King, my
Lover, determin'd to leave his Kingdom a
Prey to ufurping Strangers, and go hide
himſelf in a mountainous Country, whi-
ther I had no great Inclination to follow
him. I fent for an Aftrologer, whom I
had been dealing with underhand, who,
pretending to have caft my Nativity, told
me one Day, in the King's Prefence,
that as fure as Stars were Stars 'twas my
Deſtiny to inſpire a long and lafting Pafli-
on into the Heart of a certain great Mo-
narch, and if this did not come to paſs he
wou'd never truft the Planets more. Im-
mediately I addrefs'd my felf to the King,
-Tour Majefty will not refent it, I hope,
if I take my Leave of you, and withdraw
to

154
Fontenelle's Dialogues
to the English Court, fince you're refolu'd
to be a King no longer; and you have not
yet lov'd me long enough to fulfil this De-
ftiny. Now 'twas the Fear of lofing me
made him determine to keep his Crown,
and from that Moment he began to re-
eftabliſh himſelf. See here how much
France was oblig'd to Love, and how
amorous and gallant that Nation ought to
be in meer Gratitude!
Rox. Very true. But to return to the
Maid I was fpeaking of; pray what was
it then the perform'd? Cou'd there be fo
vile a Miſtake in Hiftory as to attribute to
a poor Country Wench the Glory which
belong'd to a fine Court Lady, and the
King's Miftrefs?
A. Sor. 'Twou'd not be ftrange if the
Hiftory had made fuch a Miſtake. Yet
'tis certain, that Maid animated the Army,
but I had firft animated the King. She
found him marching Sword in Hand againft
the English, and then the affifted him con-
fiderably; but 'twas I firft rous'd him to
that Martial Pofture. In fine, to convince
you of the Share I had in this important
Affair, let me repeat to you the Teftimo-
ny of one of Charles the Seventh's Suc-
ceffors, who was pleas'd to compliment
my Memory with thefe four Lines.
Gen-

of the Dead.
155
Gentille Agnés plus d'honneur tu merite,
La Caufe eftant de France recouvrer
Que ce que peut dedans un Cloitre ouvrer
Clofe Nonain, ou bien devot Hermit.
Tho' chafter Maids may lovely Agnes blame,
Tet France recover'd has fecur'd her Fame
And greater Praife her Memry fhall purfue,
Than is to cloifter'd Nuns or holy Hermits
due.
Now what fay you, Roxolana? You
muft confefs at leaft that had I been a Sul-
tanefs, as you were, and had I not had
that Authority over Charles the Seventh to
threaten him as I did, he and his King-
dom had been ruin'd utterly.
Rox. I admire at the Pride you take in
this petty Action? 'Twas no fuch difficult
Matter for you that were free and at your
own Difpofal, to eftablish your felf fuch a
Power over the Soul of your Lover. But
I fubjected the Sultan, tho' I was a Slave
my felf. You made Charles VII. King,
almoſt without his Confent; I made Soli-
man (in fpight of himfelf) my Husband.
A. Sor. How's that? 'Tis faid the Sul-
tans never marry.
Rox. I grant it. Yet for all that, I
projected to marry Soliman, tho' the vio-
lent Paffion he had conceiv'd for me had
feveral

156
Fontenelle's Dialogues
ſeveral times been fatisfy'd before. You
fhall hear a Stratagem far more refin'd than
yours. I began to build Temples, and
perform feveral other Acts of Devotion;
in the midſt of which I feign'd a profound
Melancholy. A thousand times and more
did the Sultan tenderly enquire the Caufe.
After I had play'd over all the neceffary
Forms, I told him, fighing, that all my
good Deeds, as I had been inform'd by
the Doctors, were like to be of no Avail
to me; for, fince I was in the Condition
of a Slave, the Merit of 'em was entirely
transferr❜d to my Lord and Sovereign; and
this was the Caufe of my Melancholy.
Soliman immediately gave me my Free-
dom, to this charitable end, that the Me-
rit of my Piety might become my own.
But when he thought to enjoy me as he
had done before, and treat me as one of
the Ladies of the Seraglio, I furpriz'd him
extreamly, and with a mighty ferious Air
begg'd his Pardon, and told him, he had no
Rightover thePerfon of a free Woman. Soli-
man had a tender Confcience, and con-
fults the Point with a certain Doctor of
the Law that I had been tampering with
before, who, according to my Inftructions,
anfwer'd him; that he ought to be very
careful how he affum'd any Power over
one who was now no longer his Slave and
Pro-

Long of the Dead.
157
Property; and that in fhort there muſt be
no more meddling without Matrimony.
He was now more in Love with me than
ever; he had but one way to help himſelf,
and that an extraordinary one, and dange-
rous too for a Sultan; yet he ventur'd it,
and marry'd me.
A. Sor. I must confefs, there's a migh-
ty Pleaſure in fubjecting thoſe who fore-
arm themſelves againſt our Power, and bid
us Defiance.
Rox. Ay, ay; Men may fet the best Face
upon the Matter; but when we have once
taken hold of their Paffions, we may lead
'em e'en where we pleaſe: Let me, for
Example, but take a Turn once more up-
on the Stage of Life, then give me to my
Share the proudest and most domineering
Spark upon Earth, and fee if I do not
humble him into what I pleafe, provided
I am furnish'd with a great deal of Wit,
a fufficient Stock of Beauty, and a Modi-
cum of Love.
DIA-

158
Fontenelle's Dialogues
DIALOGUE VI.
Joan 1. Queen of Naples, and Anfelm.
JOAN of NAPLES.
W thing? Sure you ha'nt forgot all
HAT! can you foretel me no-
your Aftrology?
Anfelm. How d'ye think 'tis poffible to
put it in Practice? Here's neither Sky nor
Stars.
J. of Naples. No Matter, I'll excufe
you from obferving the Rules fo precifely.
Anfelm. A very pretty Fancy! for a
dead Man to make Prophecies! But
upon what, I beseech you?
7. of Naples. Upon my felf, and what
concerns me.
Anfelm. Good!
you're dead, and
like to continue fo to Eternity; that's all
I can Prophefie of you. D'ye think our
Condition or Affairs here may change?
7. of Naples. No, but that's my Affli-
ction. And tho' I'm convinc'd nothing
more will happen to me, yet methinks if
you cou'd find but a way to foretel me fome-
thing or other, 'twou'd divert me ftrangely.
You can't imagine what an Uneafinefs'tis,
to have no Scenes of Futurity to look up-
on,

of the Dead.
159
For Pity's
on, no Accidents to come
fake, one poor Prediction! and let it be
c'en what you pleafe.
Anfelm. By this reftlefs Curiofity of
yours, I fhou'd take you for one of the
Living; 'tis the very Humour that poffef-
fes all above. There People can't fit down
contented with what they are, but are mad
to anticipate what they fhall be; but cer-
tainly here we ought to be wifer.
7. of Naples. Alas! have they not Rea-
fon? The Prefent is but a Point of Time,
and 'twou'd be hard indeed if their Views
muft terminate there: Is it not better to
extend the Profpect as far as they can,
and to gain fomething from Futurity?
Anfelm. And what's the Confequence?
Like extravagant Heirs, they borrow fo
much upon the Time to come, by their
Hopes and Imagination, that when 'tis ar-
riv'd they find the Stock exhaufted, and
nothing left to entertain 'em; and yet the
fame Impatience remains to plague 'em ftill.
Futurity is the great Decoy of Mankind,
and we Aftrologers are beft acquainted
with their Weaknefs. Therefore we amufe
'em with confident Stories, that there are
Signs hot and cold, Male and Female; that
fome Planets are good, fome evil, and
others indifferent of themſelves, but take
their Character from fuch as they're in
M
Con-

160
Fontenelle's Dialogues
Conjunction with. And all this Stuff
paffes very currently with 'em, becaufe 'tis
thought to lead 'em into the Knowledge
of the future.
7. of Naples. Well, and don't it? A
pretty Jeft, methinks! that you, who have
been my Aftrologer, fhou'd bewray your
own Art.
Anfelm. Hark ye! We dead Folks
don't ufe to lie; and to be free wi' you,
that Aftrology, for which you efteem'd me
fo much, was all a downright Cheat.
7. of Naples. Excufe me; I won't taks
your own Word for't. A Cheat! How
then cou'd you foretel I fhou'd be four
times marry'd? Was it likely, that a Per-
fon of tolerable Senfe wou'd venture upon
Matrimony four times? Come-I'm fure
you muſt have read it in the Stars.
Anfelm. I confulted your Inclinat ons
more than the Stars; yet the Succefs of a
Prophecy, after all, is no Proof. Will you
let me bring you to one of the Dead here,
that fhall tell you a pleaſant Story? He
was one of my Brother Star-gazers, and
as great an Unbeliever in his Art as your
humble Servant. However, for Experi-
ment's fake, he fet himſelf one Day to ob-
ferve the Rules with the greateſt Strictnefs,
and prophefy'd of fome Events, harder to
be guefs'd at than your four Marriages:
All

of the Dead.
161
All that he foretold came punctually to
paſs, but never was Man more furpriz'd.
He prefently falls to his Aftrological Fi-
gures, and reviews the Ground of his Pre-
dictions. And what d'ye think he found?
Why only that he had made a grand
Miftake, and that if his Calculations had
been right, he ought to have prophefy'd
quite the contrary.
7. of Naples. If I thought this Story
were true, I fhou'd be forry the World
does not know it, that the Aftrologers
might be detected, for a pack of Gipfies
and cozening Knaves.
Anfelm. There are a thouſand Stories of
'em known much worfe than this, yet the
Trade will always hold good. People will
never fuffer themſelves to be undeceiv'd in
Matters relating to the Time to come.
There's a Charm in't, and they'll dote on,
to the End of the World. Obferve, for
Example, how Men facrifice all their paft
and prefent Poffeffion to this Hope, and
that and all the reft (as faft as it comes
to Hand) to another: One wou'd think
'twere a malicious Trick eftablifh'd in Na-
ture, to fool 'em like Children, and by
loofening their Grafp to make 'em drop
what they hold. They never turn their
Cares upon being happy in the prefent
Moment; that's an Affair adjourn'd to
bereafter.
M 2

162
Fontenelle's Dialogues
hereafter. As if the Time to come were
of a different Make, and of better Quality
than the Time prefent.
7. of Naples. No-'tis not of a different
Make, but however it's good to fancy it fo.
Anfelm. And what's the Effect of this
fine Fancy? I have a Fable that informs
you in three Words-An honeft Wretch
was adry, and fate him down by the Side
of a Spring, but wou'd not drink of the
Water that was running before him, in
hopes twou'd flow purer anon. The time
he intended to ftay was over, but the
Water ftill the fame. This will ne'er do,
cries the Fellow, 'tis better yet to wait a
little longer. And what d'ye think he did
at laft? he tarry'd 'till the Spring happen'd
to dry up, and fo went away athirft.
7. of Naples. That was my very Cafe;
and I believe here's not one among all the
Dead, whofe Life was not quite ebb'd
out, before he had made his propos'd ufe
of it. But what then? I reckon there's a
great deal, after all, in the Pleaſure of
forecafting, in employing Hope, and Fear
too, and in having a Futurity to pry into.
A wife Man, according to your Notions,
wou'd be juft like one of us Dead, to whom
the Time preſent and to come is perfectly
the fame; and confequently this wife Man
wou'd be as uneafie as I am.
Anfelm.

of the Dead.
163
Anfelm. Alas! What a Jeft is the Con-
dition of Man, if it be fuch as you be-
lieve! He's born to afpire after every thing,
and enjoy nothing, to be always upon his
March, and arrive at no Place.
DIALOGUE VII.
Soliman and Julietta of Gonzaga.
A
SOLIMA N.
H! why is this the first time I have
feen you? and wherefore did I lofe
all the Pains of my whole Life in fearching
after you? I was on fire to have had the
moſt beautiful Perfon of Italy in my Sera-
glio; and now I fee nothing but a fleeting
Shade, that has no Charms, but refembles
all the reft.
Juliet. I can never thank you enough
for the Paffion you conceiv'd for me, upon
the Reputation of my Beauty. It won-
derfully augmented that Reputation; and
'tis to you I'm indebted for the moſt agree-
able Moments I ever pafs'd. But above all,
I reflect, with continual Pleafure, on the
Night in which the Pirate Barbaroffa, in
Obedience to your Commands, thought
M 3
to

164
Fontenelle's Dialogues
to have furpriz'd me in Cajeta, and forc'd
me to leave the City in extream Diſorder
and Precipitation.
You Av,
Solim. Wherefore then did you fly, if it
gave you Pleafure to be fearch'd after for
me?
Juliet. I was tranfported with the Search,
but more that I efcap'd it. Nothing ever
flatter'd my Vanity more than to think I
was wanting to the Happinefs of the hap-
py Soliman, and was talk'd of in the Sera-
glio, a Place fo full of fine Women: But
in Troth I defir'd no more; the Seraglio
has Charms to thofe only that are wiſh'd
for there, but none at all to thoſe that are
in it.
Solim. I perceive now what occafion'd
your Fear; you cou'd not digeft the Num-
ber of Rivals there. Perhaps you were
afraid that among fuch a Multitude of fine
Women, a confiderable Part ferv'd for
nothing but idle Ornaments to the Sera-
to the Sera-
glio.
Juliet. Your Servant!-you are pleas'd
here to charge me with very pretty
Thoughts.
Solim. WhyWhat elfe has the Se-
raglio fo frightful?
Juliet. I was affronted to the laſt De-
gree at the infufferable Vanity of you Sul-
tans; who, to make an Oftentation of
your

of the Dead.
165
your Grandeur, lock up I know how many
handfome Women, the Majority of which
are of no ufe to you, and yet are loft to all
the World befides. And then, who d'ye
think can bear a Lover, whofe Declarati-
ons of Paffion are indifputable Com-
mands; and who never fighs but in the
Tone of abfolute Authority? No- I was
not at all fit for the Seraglio, and you
might have fpar'd your felf the trouble of
fearching after me, for I fhou'd never have
made your Happineſs.
Solim. How are you fure of that?
Juliet. Becaufe I'm fure you'd never
have made mine.
Solim. I don't take the Confequence-
what fignify'd it whether I had made
or not?
yours
Juliet. What!-do you think 'tis poffi-
ble in Love to be made happy without
Reciprocation? That there are folitary
Pleafures, which need not be communi-
cated? and that we may enjoy 'em, when
we do not beftow 'em? Fy! Such Sen-
timents fhock every Heart of finer Mold.
Solim. I'm a Turk, d'ye fee; and if I
have not all the Nicenefs in the World, I
may be excus'd.
And yet, methinks, I'm
not ſo much in the wrong neither. Did
not you just now fharply condemn Vanity?
Juliet. I did.
M 4
Solim.

166
Fontenelle's Dialogues
Solim. And is not this Defire to make
the Happineſs of others, a Motion of Va-
nity? Wou'd it not be intolerable Pride
not to confent to be made happy by you,
but upon Condition I make you happy
too? A Sultan is more modeft. He re-
ceives Pleafure from abundance of charm-
ing Women, and never values himself up-
on giving them any. Nay-you need not
laugh, there's more Solidity in this Argu-
ment than you imagine. Think upon't,
ſtudy the human Heart, and you'll find
that this Nicenefs you value fo much, is
but a fort of proud Retribution; becauſe
People difdain to be in Debt.
Juliet. Well, I grant you then Vanity
is neceffary.
Solim. How! Is this you that cenfur'd
it fo much?
Juliet. Yes, that which I fpoke of, but
this fort I approve perfectly. Is it too
difficult for you to conceive that the good
Qualities of human Nature are link'd to
others which are bad, and that 'twou'd be
dangerous to cure it of all its Faults?
Solim. But at this rate there's no know-
ing where to fix. Pray, upon the whole,
what muft we think of Vanity?
Juliet. At a certain Point, 'tis a Vice;
but a little fhort of that, a Virtue.
DIA-

of the Dead.
167
DIALOGUE VIII.
IT
Paracelfus and Moliere.
MOLIERE.
F'twere only for the fake of your Name,
I thou'd be in Love with you
you-Pa-
racelfus! why, a Man wou'd take you for
a Greek, or a Roman at leaft: no body
wou'd ever dream that Paracelfus was a
Swifs Philofopher.
Para. I have render'd this Name as
illuftrious as 'tis elegant. My Works are
of wonderful Direction to thofe who wou'd
enter into the Secrets of Nature, and above
all to thofe who wou'd foar to the fublime
Knowledge of the Genii and the Elementa-
ry Inhabitants.
Mol. I cafily apprehend that thofe are
the true Sciences. To know the Men we
fee every Day is nothing, every Body can
do't, But to ftrike up an Acquaintance
with the Genii that no body ever faw, is
quite another fort of Bufinefs.
Para. Doubtlefs 'tis. I have fet forth
in the moſt exact Manner, their Nature,
their Employment, their Inclinations, their
different Orders, and the Power they have
in the Univerſe.
Mol.

168
Fontenelle's Dialogues
Mol. How happy were you, who had
got thefe wonderful Lights! For there's
the ftrongeſt Reafon to believe you per-
fectly knew every thing that relates to
Mankind, and yet a World of People
cou'd never reach fo far as this.
Para. Phoo!-every little Philofopher
is Maſter of as much as that.
Mol. I believe it; and you had nothing
left to embarrass you about the Nature of
the human Soul, its Functions, and its Uni-
on with the Body?
Para. Hum!-to be free, 'tis impoffible
but there will be fome Difficulties remain-
ing, to the World's End, upon thoſe Mat-
ters. But a Man may know as much, d'ye
fee, as Philofophy can teach him.
Mol. And did you know no more?
Para. No. Why, is not that enough?
Mol. Enough! 'Tis nothing.
And
thus you foar'd above Men whom you did
not know at all, to reach the Genii?
Para. There's fomething in the Genii
that more excites our natural Curiofity.
Mol. Ay; but 'tis inexcufable that we
fhou'd apply to them, 'till after we have
nothing more to learn of Man; one wou'd
think the human Understanding had ex-
haufted every thing, when one fees it form-
ing to it felf Objects of Science that have
perhaps no Reality, and with which it em-
bar

of the Dead.
169
barraffes by way of Diverfion. And yet'tis
certain, there are real Objects, which, if it
pleas'd, wou'd find it fufficient Employment.
Para. The Mind naturally undervalues
Sciences that are too fimple, and purfues
fuch as are full of Myſtery. 'Tis only upon
thefe it can exercife its whole Force and
Activity.
Mol. So much the worfe; what you fay
makes not at all for the Mind's Credit.
Truth prefents her felf to it, but becauſe
fhe's plain, it knows her not, and takes
ridiculous Myfteries for her, only becauſe,
forfooth, they are Mysteries. And I'm
perfuaded that if moft People faw the Or-
der of the Univerfe, fuch as it is, without
obferving the Vertues of Numbers, the Pro-
perties of Planets, and Fatalities link'd to
certain Periods, or certain Revolutions,
they wou'd not be able to forbear faying
of this admirable Order. What! is this all?
Para. You turn into Ridicule Myfteries
which are too deep for your Penetration,
and which are referv'd only for Men of
great Capacity.
Mol. I efteem thofe who do not com-
prehend thefe Myfteries, much beyond
thoſe who do. But 'tis the World's Un-
happineſs that Nature has not made all
Perfons capable of not understanding 'em.
Para.
*
*That is, wife enough to reject 'em for Nonfenfe.

170
Fontenelle's Dialogues
Para. But you, that give Sentence here
with fuch Authoriry! pray what Profeffi-
on did you follow in your Life-time?
Mol. Why truly a Profeflion very diffe-
rent from yours. You ftudy'd the Virtues
of the Genii, and I ftudy'd the Follies of
Mankind.
Para. A pretty Study, by my Troth!-
Does not every Body know that Mankind
is fubject to a thouſand Follies?
Mol. Every body knows it in Grofs,
and confufedly. But we ought to come
to Particulars, and then 'tis 'lurprizing to
fee the vaſt Extent of this Science.
Para. And what Ufe did you make
of it?
Mol. I got together, in a certain Place,
as many People as I cou'd, and there
I fhew'd 'em that they were all a Company
of Affes.
Para. Sure you employ'd thundring
Arguments to perfuade 'em of that?
Mol. Not at all-'Tis the eafieft thing
in the World. You may convince 'em of
their Folly without any great Flights of
Eloquence, or ftudy'd Reafoning. Their
Actions are fo ridiculous, that you need
only mimick 'em over before their Eyes,
and you ſhall ſee 'em e'en burft with laugh-
ing.
Para

of the Dead.
171
Para. I underftand you now-what-
you were a Comedian then? Well, for
my part I cou'd never comprehend the
Pleafure People take at a Comedy.
They go thither to laugh at Manners re-
prefented, and why don't they laugh at the
Manners themſelves?
Mol. To laugh at things in the World,
a Man muft, as it were, be drawn out of it
and that the Play-Houfe performs. It
gives you all in Perfpective, as if you had
no part in it your felf.
Para. But a Man foon mingles again in
this All which he laugh'd at, and begins
to be a Party in it as before?
Mol. Very true. I compos'd a Fable
here t'other Day upon this Subject. A
young Goofe mounted the Wing, with the
fame awkard Air which all the Kind have
in that Action; and during this Momenta-
ry Flight which had rais'd her about a
Foot high from the Ground, the proud
Creature thus infulted the reft of the Flock
below: Ah! you wretched Animals! fays
fhe, that I fee groveling beneath me; and
that know not how to cleave the Air, as I
do! But at thofe Words down fell the cack-
ling Boafter, and ended the Adventure.
Para. To what Purpofe then ferve the
Reflections which Plays help us to make,
fince they are like the Flight of this Goofe,
and

172
Fontenelle's Dialogues
and in an Inftant we fall from 'em into the
common Fooleries?
Mol. Oh! 'tis a great Matter to
have laugh'd at one's felf. Nature has gi-
ven us a wonderful Facility that Way, to
hinder us from being our own Bubbles.
How often does it happen that while one
Party of us is very eager upon fome Acti-
on, another Party ftands by and makes a
Jeft of 'em. And if need were, you might
find a third Party that wou'd laugh at both
the firſt together. Now, does not Man-
kind appear a very motley and fantaſtical
Compofition?
Para. I don't fee that all this requires
much Thought. A few flight Reflections,
and fome merry Conceits, often ill apply'd,
merit no fuch mighty Efteem. But what
Strains of Contemplation are neceffary to
treat upon more elevated Subjects?
Mol. You are come back to your Genii,
and I keep to my Fools. In the mean
time, tho' I've beftow'd all my Labour up-
on Subjects fo common to the whole
World, I can prophefie to you that my
Plays will out-live your fublime Works.
Every thing is fubject to Change of Fa-
fhion. The Productions of the Mind are
not fecure from the Fate of Clothes. What
a World of Books and other Writings
have I feen bury'd with their Authors!
juft

of the Dead.
173
juft as in fome Countries they interr, with
the Deceas'd, the Things they moft de-
lighted in while they liv'd. I know per-
fectly what Revolutions may happen in
the Empire of Letters, and yet, with all
this, I'll warrant the Continuance of my
Pieces. I can tell you the Reafon-He
that will paint for Eternity muſt paint
Fools.
DIALOGUE IX.
Mary Stuart and David Riccio.
D. RICC10.
O-I fhall never be comforted upon
my Death.
No my
Z
M. Stuart. Yet methinks 'twas a very
handſome one for a Mufician. The prin-
cipal Nobility in the Court of Scotland,
and the King my Husband himself, were
forc'd to confpire against you, and never
was there more Formality in putting to
Death the greateſt Prince upon Earth.
D. Riccio. So pompous a Death was
never intended for a poor Lutenift, whom
Neceffity had driven out of Italy into
Scotland. It had been much better to have
let

174
Fontenelle's Dialogues
let me wear out my Days foftly as one of
your Mufick, than by raifing me to the Rank
of a Miniſter of State, to fhorten my Life.
M. Stuart. I cou'd never have expected
to find thee fo infenfible! What! was it a
flight Distinction to let thee dine alone
with me every Day? Truft me, Riccio, a
Favour of that kind was no Wrong to thy
Reputation.
D. Riccio. No: All the Wrong I know
was, that it oblig'd me to pay my Life for
receiving it too often. For alas! I was
fitting Tête à Tête with you at Table, as
ufual, when I faw the King enter with the
Ruffian that was pick'd out to be my Exe-
cutioner, becauſe he was naturally the moſt
frightful Scot that ever was born, and his
Afpect had lately been made more fright-
ful by a long Quartan Ague. I don't know
whether he ftruck me or no- But to the
best of my Remembrance, the very Sight
of him murder'd me.
M. Stuart. I have honour'd thy Memo-
ry fo far as to place thee in the Tomb of
the Kings of Scotland.
D. Riccio. How!Is my Body en-
tomb'd with the Kings of Scotland?
M. Stuart. Nothing more true.
D. Riccio. I have been fo little fenfible
of that good Fortune, that, believe me,
'tis the first Notice I have ever had of it.
-0

of the Dead.
175
-O my Lute! Was I forc'd to quit thee,
to amufe my felf with the Cares of govern-
ing a Kingdom!
M. Stuart. Still complaining!-Do you
know now that my Death was a thouſand
times more unhappy than yours?
D. Riccio. It may be fo; you were born
in a Condition that's fubject to terrible Re-
verfes: But poor I was born to have dy'd
in my Bed. Nature had plac'd me in the
fittest Station in the World for it, obfcure,
and without a Fortune, only with a tole-
rable Voice, and a Genius to play the
Lute.
M. Stuart. That Lute ftill poffeffes thy
Heart. But alas! for one unlucky Mo-
ment, how many agreeable Days hadft
thou enjoy'd before? What wou'dft thou
have done, hadft thou never been better
than a Mufician? that mean Fortune wou'd
have foon diftafted thee.
D. Riccio. No. I'd have fearch'd out
my Happinefs within my felf.
M. Stuart. Go, thou'rt a Fool. Thou
haft fpoil'd thy felf here by pedantick Re-
flections, or by keeping Company with
the Philofophers. 'Tis a likely Matter that
Men fhou'd find Happinefs in themſelves!
D. Riccio. They want only to be per-
fuaded that they may. A Poet of my
Country has defcrib'd an enchanted Caftle,
N
where

176
Fontenelle's Dialogues
where Lovers and their Miftreffes are per-
petually feeking one another with extreme
Earneftnefs and Inquietude, they meet
every Moment, and yet never know it.
There's a Charm like this upon the Hap-
pineſs of Men, they have it in their own
Thoughts, yet are never aware of it; it
prefents it felf a thousand times to 'em,
while they ftill travel afar off to find it.
M. Stuart. Away with your Cant and
Vifions of Philofophy! If nothing without
us contributes to make us happy, are we
of a Humour, I pray, to take the Pains to
be fo by our Reafon?
D. Riccio. Why not? Happiness is well
worth that Pains.
M. Stuart. 'Twere Pains to no Purpoſe,
and Happineſs is by no means confiftent
with it. We ceafe to be happy the Mo-
ment we feel our Endeavour to be fo. If
a Man felt all the Parts of his Body la-
bouring to fuftain themfelves in a good
Condition, wou'd you think him well?
No, Happineſs is like Health, it muſt be
in Men without their placing it there, and
if there's a Happineſs which Reafon pro-
duces, 'tis like that Health which is only
maintain'd by the Force of Art and Medi-
cines, which is always very weak, and
very uncertain.
DIA-

of the Dead.
177
DIALOGUE X.
The third falfe Demetrius, and Mon-
fieur Des Cartes.
I
DES CARTES.
Ought to know the North almoſt as
well as you; I fpent a good Part of my
Life philofophizing in Holland, and at laft
dy'd in Sueden more a Philofopher than
ever.
Falfe Dem. According to the Scheme
you give me, what a fine foft Life was
yours! Employ'd only about Philofophy!
I had not the Privilege to pafs mine fo
quietly.
Des Cartes. Thank your own Folly.
What put it into your Head to think of
making your felf Czar of Mufcovy, and to
take thofe Meafures for it which you
did? You try'd to paſs for the Prince De-
metrius, who was rightful Heir to the
Throne, and yet you had already before
your Eyes the Example of two pretended
Demetrius's, who had been detected for
Cheats, and perifh'd miferably. You
ought furely to have taken the Pains to
contrive fome new Impofture. There was
N 2
not

178
Fontenelle's Dialogues
not the leaſt Probability that this, which had
been try'd before, fhou'd have Succefs.
Falfe Dem. Between Friends, the Mu-
fcovites are not the moft refin'd People in
the World: They have the Madneſs to
pretend to reſemble the ancient Greeks, but
God knows in what.
Des Cartes. Yet, as great Sots as they
were, they cou'd not fuffer the Cheat of
three falfe Demetrius's fucceffively. No-
when you began to play that Part, I dare
fwear they cry'd almoft all, with an Air of
Difdain, What! more Demetrius's ftill?
Falfe Dem. Yet for all that I made my
felf a confiderable Party: The Name of
Demetrius was belov'd, the People perpe-
tually ran after it, and you know what the
People are.
Des Cartes. But pray did not the ill Fate
of your two Brother-Cheats fcare you?
Falfe Dem. Quite the contrary; was it
not reaſonable to believe it must be the
true Demetrius that durft appear, after the
Defeat of the other two? Twou'd have
been the fame Prefumption had I been De-
metrius himfelf.
Des Cartes. But fuppofe you had been
the firſt that affum'd this Name, how cou'd
you have the Face to pretend to it, with-
out being fure you cou'd back your Pre-
tence with very probable Proofs?
Falle

of the Dead.
179
Falfe Dem. Hold a little-and let me
ask you, who are fo full of your Quefti-
ons here, and fo hard to be fatisfy'd, how
you durft afpire to make your felf Head of
a new Philofophy which was to contain all
the Truths that were unknown 'till then?
Des Cartes. Oh! I found a great many
things which had Probability enough to
flatter me that they were true, and No-
velty enough to make a new Sect.
Falfe Dem. And was you not terrify'd
by the Example of fo many Philofophers,
who, with Opinions as well grounded as
yours, were diſcover'd at laft for Moun-
tebanks? A Man might reckon you up a
long Lift of 'em, if he pleas'd, and you
can reckon but two Sham Demetrius's be-
fore me. I was but the third in my kind,
that fet up for deceiving the Mufcovites-
but you were more than a thoufand deep
in the Lift of thofe who undertook to
practife upon the Faith of all Mankind.
Des Cartes. You knew you was not the
Prince Demetrius; but I publifh'd no more
than what I really believ'd, nor believ'd it
without probable Appearances. I never
recover'd out of my Philofophy 'till I came
hither.
Falfe Dem. What fignifies that? Your
Sincerity did not make you lefs need a
World of Affurance to be fo pofitive that
you
N 3

180
Fontenelle's Dialogues
you were the happy Man at laft who had
difcover'd the Truth. The World has
been abus'd with that Pretence by fo ma-
ny New-Philofophers already, that when
any new New-Philofophers appear, I won-
der every one does not cry out-What!
more Philofophy ftill?
Des Cartes. I must tell you, if People
are always deluded by the Promifes of Phi-
lofophers, 'tis not without Reafon. Some
little Truths are difcover'd from Time to
Time, which, tho' not important, ferve
to amufe. But for the Depth of Philofo-
phy, I confefs there is fcarce any Progrefs
made in it at all. I believe too that Men
often find the Truth in fome confiderable
Articles, but the Miſchief is, they don't
know when they find it. For Philofophy
(if a dead Man may be fo bold) refembles
a certain Play among Children, where one
with his Eyes blinded runs after the reft;
if he catches any one he's oblig'd to name
him, elfe he muft let go his Prize, and run
again. 'Tis the fame in the Search of
Truth; for tho' we Philofophers have our
Eyes fufficiently blinded, we make a fhift
fometimes to lay hold of her, but to what
purpoſe? we cannot juftifie to her that 'tis
the, and in the fame Moment fhe flips from
us again.
Falfe

2 of the Dead.
181
Falfe Dem. Tis but too plain then, that
fhe's not made for us, and you'll fee, at
laft, People won't fo much as think of
finding her; they'll lofe their Courage,
and throw up the Game.
Des Cartes. I can affure you, you're a
falfe Prophet. Men have an incredible
Courage for any thing they are once infa-
tuated with: Every one is confident that
the thing which has been refus'd to all be-
fide, is only a Referve for him. Nay, four
and twenty thousand Years hence, you'll
have Philofophers who will pretend to have
difpoffefs'd all the Errors that reign'd for
thirty thoufand Years before; and People,
who will believe the World has but juft
then begun to open its Eyes.
Falfe Dem. How! was it fuch an infi-
nite Hazard to undertake a third time to
deceive the Mufcovites, and will it be no
Hazard at all to attempt the deceiving the
whole of Mankind after thirty thoufand
times? That calls 'em greater Bubbles than
the Muscovites.
Des Cartes. They are fo, in the Affair
of Truth: They rave upon it more than
ever the Mufcovites did on the Name of
Demetrius.
Falfe Dem. Well-if I were to tread
the Stage again, let me perifh if I'd be a
falfe Demetrius; no-I'd e'en turn Philo-
fopher.
N 4

182
Fontenelle's Dialogues
fopher. But what if People fhou'd grow
fick of Philofophy, and fit down at laft in
Defpair of ever finding out Truth? For
that I fhou'd be terribly afraid of.
Des Cartes. You had much more Rea-
fon to fear when you play'd the Prince.
Men will never be out of Heart, depend
upon't; and fince the Moderns are no hap-
pier than the Ancients in difcovering the
Truth, 'tis but juft they fhou'd be as hap-
py as they in hoping it: For, vain as it is,
this Hope is always agreeable. If Neither
have a Right to the Enjoyment of Truth,
yet Both have, at leaft, to the Pleaſure of
the fame Error.
DIA-

2 of the Dead.
183
DIALOGUE XI.
The Dutchefs of Valentinois and Anna
Bullen.
ANNA BULLEN.
Admire your good Luck.
I Palier,
your Father, commits a Crime, as if
'twere on Purpofe to make your Fortune.
He's condemn'd to lofe his Head, you go
and beg the King's Pardon for him: To
be a pretty Woman, and ask Favours of a
young Prince, is an unavoidable Engage-
ment to grant fome; and thus you very
genteely made your felf Miſtreſs to Fran-
cis the Firft.
Dutch. of Val. The niceft part of my
good Luck was my being led into an Amour
by the Duty of a Daughter to fave her Fa-
ther's Life. My Inclination to Gallantry
might very commodioufly lye conceal'd,
under fo decent and reputable a Covering.
A. Bul. But your Inclination foon dif-
cover'd it felf by what follow'd; for your
Gallantries much out-lafted the Danger of
your Father.
Dutch of Val. No matter 'Tis the
Beginning of an Amour is all the Im-
portance. The World knows, that who-
ever

184
Fontenelle's Dialogues
ever makes one Step will make more: So
that the only Concern is, to make the firft
with a Grace. I am fo vain now as to
think that my Conduct was not ill fuited
to the critical Opportunity which Fortune
prefented to me; and that I fhall not pass in
Hiftory for Miftrefs of a middle Share of Wit.
It has been thought very extraordinary that
the Lord High-Conftable Montmorency was
the Miniſter and Favourite of three Kings.
I was the Miſtreſs of two, and that I
tend is fomething more.
pre-
A. Bul. I will not difpute your Inge-
nuity, but you muft give me leave to think
my own exceeded it. You made your felf
long belov'd as a Miftrefs, but I made
my felf a Wife. A King applies his Cares
to you as long as his Heart is warm'd, but
this cofts him nothing, if he makes you
a Queen, 'tis in his Extremity, and when
all other Hopes fail him.
Dutch. of Val. But the Paflion of a Lo
ver needs continual Arts to keep it alive:
Whereas a Marriage once accomplish'd ex-
cufes you from farther Trouble. 'Tis ea-
fie to exafperate Love when you never fa-
tisfie it at all: And when you fatisfie it, 'tis
as difficult not to quench it. In fhort, You
had nothing to do but to perfift always
in the fame Severity of refufing, and 'twas
my Part to be perpetually granting with
new Agreeablenefs.
A. Bul.

of the Dead.mos
185
A. Bul. Since you prefs me fo hard with
your Reaſons, I'm oblig'd to add, to what I
faid before, that when I made my felf a Wife
'twas not becauſe I had a World of Virtue.
Dutch. of Val. And when I made my felf
belov'd with fo much Conftancy, 'twas
not becauſe I had a World of Fidelity.
A. Bul. I'll tell you more then-I had
neither Virtue, nor the Reputation of it.
Dutch. of Val. You might have fpar'd
telling me that-For, Reputation, in my
Account, is the fame with Virtue.
A. Bul. I fhou'd think you have no
Reafon to reckon among your Advanta-
ges a few Infidelities you acted against your
Lover, and which, in all Appearance, were
fecret. They can fignifie little to the In-
creafe of your Glory. But when I began
to be lov'd by the King of England, the
Publick, who were acquainted with my Ad-
ventures, did not keep the Secret for me,
and yet I Triumph'd over Fame.
Dutch. of Val. I cou'd perhaps prove to
you, if I were difpos'd, that I was fo little
myfterious in my Infidelities to Henry the
Second, that I can make a Merit of it if
I pleaſe; but I won't infift upon that. The
Defect of Fidelity may be either hid, or at
worft repair'd; but how will you repair
the Defect of Youth? Yet this I perform'd.
I

186
Fontenelle's Dialogues
I was all Coquette, and I made my felf be
ador'd, but withal I was in Age. But
for you-you were young, and yet fuf-
fer'd your felf to be beheaded. As much
a Grand-Mother as I was, I had Addrefs
enough to preferve my Head upon my
Shoulders.obfu
A. Bul. I must own you have hit the
Blot of my Life, therefore no more ofthat.
And yet I can't furrender, no, not to your
Age it felf, tho' that's your main Hold.
'Twas certainly lefs difficult to difguife
that, than my former Conduct. I muft
have extreamly difturb'd his Reaſon, who
wou'd refolve to take me for a Wife. But
for the Man who always believ'd you hand-
fome, you had nothing to do but to pre-
poffefs his Eyes in your Favour, and to
accuftom them, by a little at a Time, to the
Changes in your Beauty.
Dutch. of Val. Ah you're much a
Stranger to the Humour of Men. When
to their Eyes we appear lovely, we appear
to their Minds whatever we pleafe, even
Virtuous, for Example, tho' we are quite
the Reverſe of it. And all the Difficulty
lyes in appearing lovely to their Eyes as
long as we pleaſe.
A. Bul. I'm convinc'd, and I yield to
you But you'll let me then into the Se-
cret, how you repair'd your Age-You
may

of the Dead.
187
may trust me, I'm dead you know, and
can make no Advantage of it.
Dutch. of Val. Why truly-I can't tell.
Nothing's more frequent than to perform
very great Things and not know how, and
then we are furpriz'd that we have done
'em. Go ask Cafar, how he made himſelf
Mafter of the World? perhaps he may
paufe for an Anfwer.
A. Bul. You make a glorious Compari-
fon!
Dutch. of Val. 'Tis a juft one. To in-
fpire Love at my Age I ftood in need of as
furprizing a Fortune as that of Cafar. The
beft on't is, that to thoſe who have accom-
plifh'd fuch extraordinary things as he and
I, the World never fails afterwards to at-
tribute moft infallible Defigns and Secrets,
and to do 'em more Honour than perhaps
they ever deferv'd.
DIA

188
Fontenelle's Dialogues
DIALOGUE XII
Fernando Cortez and Montezuma.
Conf
F. CORTEZ.
Onfefs the Truth. You were very
ftupid, you Americans, when you
imagin'd the Spaniards were defcended
from the Region of Fire, becauſe of their
Cannon, and thought their Ships vaft Birds
that flew upon the Sea.
Montez. I grant it. But I wou'd be
glad to know whether the Athenians were
a polite People?
F. Cort. How!why 'tis they have
been the great Mafters of Politeness to the
reft of Mankind.
Montez. Very well. And what d'ye
think of the Stratagem by which the Ty-
rant Pififtratus regain'd the Citadel of A-
thens, from whence he had been driven
out? Did not he drefs up a Woman in the
Habit of Minerva, who, they fay, was
the Guardian Goddefs of Athens? Did
not he drive over the City in a Chariot
with this rare Divinity of his own making,
who held him by the Hand, and cry'd out
to the Athenians, -Behold! I bring Pifi-
ftratus to you, and command you to receive
him!

of the Dead.
189
him! And did not thefe Originals of Wit
and Politenefs fubmit to the Tyrant, in pure
Obedience to Minerva, who, it feems, had
explain'd her Will with her own Mouth?
F. Cort. Who help'd you to this Piece
of Scandal about the Athenians?
Montez. Oh, fince I've been here, I have
apply'd my felf to learn Hiftory, by my
Converſations with feveral of the Dead.
In short, I fhall make you grant, that the
Athenians were fomewhat greater Bubbles
than we. For Example, we had never
feen Ships nor Cannon, but they had ſeen
Women; and when Pififtratus undertook
to reduce 'em by Means of his Goddefs,
he fhew'd more contemptuous Thoughts
of 'em than you did of us in fubduing us
with your Artillery.
F.Cort. There's no People in the World
but may once be trapann'd. They are ta-
ken at a Surprife; the Multitude bear a-
long the People of Senfe. What ſhall I
fay? There concur befides fome particular
Circumftances which a Man cannot di-
vine, and which perhaps wou'd eſcape his
Obfervation, tho' he faw 'em.
Montez. But can you fay 'twas by Sur-
prize that the Greeks always believ'd the
Knowledge of Futurity to be inclos'd in a
Cave under Ground, from whence it if
fu'd out in Exhalations? By what Artifice
were

190
Fontenelle's Dialogues
were they made to think, that when the
Moon was Eclipfe in they cou'd recover her
out of her Fits by a hideous Noife? And
how chanc'd there was but a very ſmall
Party that durft whifper among themſelves
that he was only obfcur'd by the Shadow
of the Earth? I fay nothing of the Ro-
mans, and of their inviting the Gods to
eat with 'em on their Feftival Days; nor
of the Holy Chicken, whofe Appetites de-
cided every thing in the Capital City of
the whole Earth. To conclude, you can't
reproach me with one Piece of American
Folly, which I will not undertake to over-
match in your Countries, and yet I'll en-
gage to bring none into Play but Greek Fol-
lies or Roman.
F. Cort. Notwithstanding thefe Follies,
the Greeks and Romans invented all Arts
and Sciences, of which you have not the
leaft Idea.
Montez. 'Twas our Happineſs not to
have known there were Sciences in the
World, we fhou'd not perhaps elfe have
had Prudence enough to forbear being
learned. All People are not capable of fol-
lowing the Example of thofe Greeks who
took fuch Pains to preferve themſelves
from the Contagion of the Sciences of their
Neighbours. As for the Arts, America
found ways to fhift without 'em, more
wonder-

of the Dead.
191
wonderful perhaps than the European Arts
themfelves. 'Tis eafie to compofe Hifto-
ries, when you can write, but we did not
know how to write, and yet made Hifto-
ries. You may make Bridges well enough,
when you can build in the Water; but
the Difficulty is, to be wholly ignorant of
Building, and yet make Bridges. You ought
to remember too, that the Spaniards found
fome Riddles in our Country which they
were at a Lofs to expound; for Example,
Stones of a prodigious Magnitude, rais'd
to fuch an amazing Height as they cou'd
not conceive poffible to be done without
Machines. What do you fay to all this?
I do not fee yet that you have very clearly
prov'd the Advantages which Europe has
above America.
F. Cort. They are prov'd fufficiently by
every thing that diftinguishes Politenefs
from Barbarity. Civility reigns among us,
Force and Violence are banish'd; all the
Powers are moderated by Juftice; all
Wars are founded upon lawful Caufes; and
to fhew you how nicely fcrupulous we are,
we did not move a Step in that Defcent
upon you, 'till we had critically examin'd
whether your Country belong'd to us or
no, and decided the Queftion in our own
Favour.
O
Montez

192
Fontenelle's Dialogues
Montez. This doubtlefs was a Courtefie
which we Barbarians cou'd never merit.
But I fancy you are juft and civil among
one another in the fame manner as you
were fcrupulous in Regard to us. Who-
ever fhou'd ftrip Europe of her Formalities,
wou'd render her very like America. Ci-
vility meaſures all your Steps, dictates all
your Speeches, intricates all your Difcour-
fes, and perplexes all your Actions, but
does not enter into your Hearts; and all
the Juftice which fhou'd be in your De-
figns, is found only in your Pretexts.
F.Cort. I won't be refponfible for Mens
Hearts: We fee only their Outfides. An
Heir that lofes a Relation, and gets a con-
fiderable Eftate, dreffes all in Black. Is he
afflicted? Not at all, perhaps; however,
if he did not drefs fo, he wou'd violate
Reafon.
2010
Montez. I know what you wou'd fay.
'Tis not Reafon governs among you, but
fhe enters her Proteft at leaſt that things
fhou'd go otherwife than they do. That
Heirs, for Example, fhou'd be forry for
the Lofs of their Relations; they admit
this Proteft, and in Acknowledgment of
it they wear Black. Your Formalities ferve
for nothing but to notifie that he has a
Right, which you do not think fit to let
her execute. And instead of doing what
is

of the Dead.
193
is reaſonable, you only reprefent what you
ought to do.
F. Cort. Is not that a great deal? Rea-
fon has fo little Power among you, that
fhe cannot fo much as fubftitute any thing
in your Actions, that may remind you the
ought to be there her felf.
Montez. But you call her to Mind as
unprofitably as fome certain Greeks, of
whom I've been told here, call'd to Mind
their Original. They were fettl'd in Tu-
feany, a Country barbarous in their Efteem,
and by degrees they had fallen in with its
Cuſtoms fo entirely, as to forget their own.
They felt however I know not what Re-
gret that they were become Barbarians,
and on a certain Day they affembl❜d annu-
ally. They read in Greek their ancient
Laws, which they no longer obferv'd, and
by that time fcarce underſtood: They
wept, then feparated; and at their De-
parture, with Pleaſure re-affum'd the Ways
of living which were cuftomary to the
Place. Their Cafe was the fame with re-
fpect to the Grecian Laws, as yours with
refpect to Reaſon. They knew thefe Laws
were in being, and they spoke of 'em, but
flightly however, and without Effect; yet
they exprefs'd fome Regret about 'em: But
for Reaſon, whom you have abandon'd, you
have no Regret at all; you have, it feems,
O2
got

194
Fontenelle's Dialogues
got
her.
the Habit of knowing and defpifing
F.Cort. However, in knowing her bet-
ter, People are at leaft more in a Conditi-
on to follow her.
Montez. 'Tis only in this Particular then
that we'll yield you the Advantage. Alas!
that we happen'd to have no Ships to go
and diſcover your Lands, and that we had
not determin'd that they belong'd to us!
We fhou'd have had, at leaft, as much
Right to conquer 'em, as you had to con-
quer ours.
End of Fontenelle's Dialogues.
TWO

TWO NEW
DIALOGUES
Written in the Manner of
Monfieur Fontenelle.
DIALOGUE I
Lucius Junius Brutus and Auguftus
Cæfar.
That the greatest Characters may be criticis'd.
DIALOGUE II
Empedocles and Lucilio Vanini.
Of the Multitudes that have been Martyrs
to Folly.

DIVPOGABI
ДІУГОСРЕГ
UNTOCAES

[ 197 ]
DIALOGUES
In the Manner of
Monfieur Fontenelle.
DIALOGUE I
Lucius Junius Brutus the firft Conful,
and Auguftus Cæfar.
I
AUG. CESAR.
Ndeed I have often admir'd at your in-
genious Artifice, and how a Soul fo
great as yours, and labouring with fuch
vaft Defigns of future Glory, cou'd lye
fo long conceal'd under the Mafque of
04
Folly,

198
DIALOGUES
Folly, and affume a Drefs fo contrary to
it felf.
Brutus. Alas! Is Folly fo hard to be
imitated? By what I've learn'd here below
of the Hiftory of your Time, your Poli-
ticks were of a much finer Turn, your De-
figns more artfully cover'd, and you fhew'd
your felf a far greater Mafter of Diffimu-
lation.
Aug. What do you mean?
Brutus. Why this-As I affum'd the
Outfide of a Fool, fo you did that of an
honeſt Man; if I had not play'd the Na-
tural to avoid Sufpicion, I cou'd never
have gain'd an Opportunity for eftabliſh-
ing my Country's Liberties, if you had
not acted the Patriot, you cou'd never have
deſtroy'd 'em. The first gain'd me the
Name of Brute, the latter procur'd you
that of Father of your Country.
Aug. Do you think then my Love to
my Country was but Maſquerade?
Brutus. No more; for under it you con-
ceal'd the moſt crafty Ambition imaginable.
Your Uncle Julius was a fubtle Politi-
eian, but he grafp'd at Power too faft;
his Paffion for Empire appear'd too open,
and hurry'd him into Exceffes that coft
him his Life,
Aug

of the Dead.
199
Aug. True. And therefore I was more
humble; and avoiding his Miftakes, I ge
neroufly facrific'd all my Cares and De-
figns to the Publick Good.
Brutus. You gave but ill Marks of your
Temper and Principles when you engag'd
in that bloody Triumvirate, and fign'd Pro-
fcriptions for murdering fo many of the
best Citizens in Rome. Was this a Sa-
crifice to the publick Good?
Aug. I was over-rul'd by my Affociates,
who betray'd my Youth into Actions very
different from my Temper, and this ap-
pears in the Inftance of Cicero's Death,
which I did my utmoft to prevent, but
Anthony's Malice prevail'd, and I was
out-voted. Befides, I repented of thofe
harfh Proceedings, and endeavour'd to
make Satisfaction to my Country after-
wards.
Brutus. You check'd your Temper in-
deed, and refin'd your Politicks; for hav-
ing form'd a Scheme of abfolute Power,
and fallen in Love with the charming Idea,
you found it neceffary to amend your
Manners, in order to accompliſh your De-
figns.
Aug. Am I to blame for endeavouring
to deferve my Country's Efteem? I extor-
ted no Honours from her, and cou'd I re-
fufe

200
DIALOGUES
fufe thofe fhe heap'd upon me? When
my Authority encreas'd, 'twas with the
Inclination of the People, and I was
but barely confenting to my own Great-
nefs.
Brutus. Very modeft, I confefs! But
this was after you had found the Secret
of making 'em give without your asking.
Alas! Men are like Children, that are fro-
ward and obftinate when rough means are
us'd, and unwilling to part with the idleft
Play-thing, but a little Flattery loofens
their Hold, and draws from 'em their moft
valuable Poffeffions. Befides, let me tell
you, the Confent of the People does not
excufe you; Liberty is a Poffeffion they
ought not to part with, and what had you
to do to accept of a Prefent to which they
cou'd make you no good Title?
Aug. I honour you, reverend Brutus!
and am well enough pleas'd to ſee you
grow warm upon the Subject of Liberty.
But if you have been rightly inform'd of
my Hiftory, you muft needs know, that
after I faw my felf Lord and Governor
of the Roman Empire, I went into the
Senate, and offer'd to refign all, and re-
ftore the People to their ancient Confti-
tution.
Brutus.

of the Dead.
201
Brutus. Yes-when you knew 'twas
too late, and when you had prepar'd your
Creatures there to oppofe it. 'Twas a
pretty Stratagem to try their Temper, and
to get your own Authority confirm'd.
Yet the Difguife was but thin, for half the
Senate faw thro' it, but durft not fpeak
their Minds.
Aug. I find you will not forgive me for
changing the Model of a Government
which you had firft fram'd. But where
was the ill Confequence? Was not the
Roman Liberty fafe in my Hands, and did
I not approve my ſelf a faithful Truſtee.
Brutus. You did for I will give you
your due; but what a Company of Mad-
men fucceeded to the Charge! Befides, let
us trace you to the laft Scene, and fee,
after fo excellent a Reign, how you be-
hav'd your felf at your Death. 'Twas
then it ſeems you had a Frolick to have
your pale hollow Checks fmooth'd, your
Drefs adjuſted, to call for a Looking-glafs,
and curl your Hair, in imitation of the
Players upon the Theatre; you ask'd your
Friends if you had not play'd your Part
well, and when they anfwer'd Yes, you
cry'd Plaudite! and fo expir'd. As if all
the good Actions of your Life had been
an affum'd Part, like that of a Mock-Hero
in

202
DIALOGUES
in a Play, for the fake of a mean Reward,
or the vain Satisfaction of a little Ap-
plaufe.
Aug. You are too critical; But now
that I may queftion you a little-pray
what part of your Character do you value
your felf moft upon?
Brutus. That of a true Patriot, and an
impartial Judge.
Aug. Yet I'm miftaken if you have born.
thefe worthy Titles free from all Cenfure.
Brutus. I fhall be glad to know my
Failings.
Aug. First then it may be faid, your
playing the Idcot was but a poor fhift to
fave your Life, and gain an Opportunity
of Revenge on Tarquin, for his perfecu-
ting your Family, and depriving you of
your Eftate; 'twas a Happineſs indeed to
Rome, that this was not to be effected but
by extirpating the Tyrant and his Race,
and fettling the City in Liberty; but one
may question whether 'twas not private
Refentment, more than a Senfe of your
Country's Wrongs, that firft gave Motion
to this great Revolution.
Brutus. Proceed! for I reflect upon my
paft Life without Prejudice, and will readily
own my Errors; I was not partial to my
* Sons

of the Dead.
203
Sons when I liv'd, nor will I now be par-
tial to my felf.
Aug. That Behaviour to your Sons is
really the worst Part of your Hiftory.
Brutus. How!-Cou'd any thing be
more glorious than to afcend the Tribu-
nal, and fit in Judgment on my own Off-
fpring? To adhere to the Dictates of
Reafon, and in fpight of the foft Remon-
ftrances of Nature, the foolish Mercy of
my Collegue, the Cries of the Offenders,
and the weeping Eyes of the Multitude
pleading in their Behalf, in fpight of this,
I fay, to look with Unconcern on their
bloody Stripes, and with unfhaken Con-
ftancy behold their beheading, and then
withdraw, leaving the World amaz'd at
fuch an unparallel'd Example of a Father's
Juftice?
Aug. Talk no more of my Profcrip-
tions, for here's a Fiercenefs that exceeds
'em all! What Father was ever expected,
after Sentence given upon his Sons, to
ftay and feed his Savage Eyes with their
Execution? What was all this but an ex-
travagant Strain of horrid Severity, occa-
fion'd by Excefs of Pride, and the immo-
derate Defire of being thought fomething
more than Human?
Brutus.

204
DIALOGUES
Brutus. Thus then every thing has a
doubtful Interpretation, and the greateſt
Deeds in the World, may be conftru'd
to be the Product of Vanity and Ambi-
tion.
Aug. The beft of Men are not difinte-
refted; they have a great many By-ends
and conceal'd Defigns. Their boafted Ser-
vices to their Country are often but a Sa-
crifice to their own Pleaſures and Paffions;
and if they freely open'd their Hearts, as I
did in my laſt Minute, not the modefteft
Hero upon Earth wou'd leave the Stage
without crying PLAUDITE
DIA-

of the Dead.
205
DIALOGUE II.
Empedocles and Lucilio Vanini.
L. VANINI
S your Name Empedocles?
Is Empe. Yes, Why d'ye ask?
Van. Becaufe I'm a-kin to you; were
not you the Hair-brain'd Philofopher of
Agrigentum?
Empe. Philofophy was my Profeffion:
But pray who are you, and how comes
the Kindred?
Van. You wou'd not ask if you knew
my Story; I'm related to you in Folly.
Empe. Is that all?-Upon the fame fcore
all the People on Earth may claim Kind-
red too, unleſs the World's mightily al-
ter'd fince my Time.
Van. Ay, but People are fo proud there
they won't own the Relation. Befides,
you and I are fomething nearer of Kin
than you imagine; we were each, in our
Time, the greateſt Madmen living, and
yet thought all the World Mad but our
felves. Our Deaths too were alike, for
we took care to make our Names Immor-
tal, and to record our felves Fools to all
Pofterity.
Empe.

206
DIALOGUES
Empe. Methinks you are very free with
your Kindred, but you fhall make out the
Alliance a little clearer, before I will have
any thing to fay to you.
Some
Van. Nay, perhaps, after all, I may be
miſtaken, and then I'll beg your Pardon.
We had a Story of you when I was above
Ground, that you were a proud whimfi-
cal Fellow, and that once upon a time
(for your Diverfion) you took a Freak in-
to the Jaws of Etna, and never came
out again. But an honeft Fellow that has
written your Life * tells us, there were
various Reports of this Matter.
faid you were only making fome Philofo-
phical Obfervations about the Mountain,
and thought no harm, but that you dropp'd
in unawares, and paid for your peeping;
others, that you fell into the Sea and were
drown'd. But the moft general Report
was, that you leap'd into that fiery Ca-
vern, that no body might know what was
become of you, in hopes that your Super-
ftitious Countrymen wou'd take you for
a God, 'till your Iron Shooes, that were
thrown up by the Flame, betray'd you.
Empe.How's that? Were my Iron Shooes
found afterwards?
Van. So that Writer fays.
Empe.
*Diogenes Laertius.

of the Dead.
207
Empe. OEtna! Etna!-Then have
I endur'd a Broiling to a fine Purpoſe!
Why, I thought they wou'd prefently
have fallen to building Temples, and that
the whole Ifland wou'd have fmok'd with
a hundred Altars to EMPEDOCLES
THE TUTELAR GOD OF SI-
CILT
Van. A pretty Fancy! Did you never
hear the Fable?
Empe. What?
Van. A proud fpeckl'd Toad, that had
liv'd in Eafe and Luxury, was crawling
thro' a Meadow where an Ox was feeding;
fhe looks with Envy on his prodigious
Bulk, and wiſhes to be as big as he; at
leaft, fays fhe, I'll know why I can't. And
fo began to fwell, 'till fhe burft with her
Pride, and had the Reward of her Folly.
Empe. What an unhappy Wretch was 1,
that never thought of this Fable! It might
have fav'd me my Life.
Van. I queftion it; for when a Man's
running from his Wits, all the Fables in
the World can't ftop him.
Empe. 'Tis fome Comfort however, to
think that, this was not my Cafe alone.
How many Princes have loft their Crowns
upon the fame Score, and ftretching to be
equal with Gods, have made themſelves
Men? But you faid your Death
P
re-

208
DIALOGUES
reſembl'd mine; pray did you affect to be
a God too?
Van. No; I affected to be a new Philo-
fopher; but I found that Diſcoveries were
difficult, Reafon was a troublefome In-
ftrument to manage, and Truth made little
Noife. Therefore I took a fhorter Way,
and fince 'tis eaſier to deftroy than to build,
I fet my ſelf to batter down the moſt fa-
cred Truths in the World, and, like him
that fir'd the Temple at Ephesus, pro-
pos'd to my felf a Name out of the Ruins
of Religion and Morality.
Empe. A very wife Project! How durft
you hope for Success?
Van. Eafily. I had all the Vices of
Mankind of my Party. Befides, I varniſh'd
over my Principles with the fpecious Name
of Philofophy. I fet out from Naples, and
began to teach in France, but the Magi-
ftrates at Tholoufe foon ftopp'd my Pro-
grefs, and having convicted me of Atheiſm,
caus'd me to be burn'd.
Emp. How!-Methinks you might
had the Wit to have prevented that. Well,
I'll own you for my Relation now, and am
convinc'd you were the greater Fool of
the two. What, cou'd not
not you have
diffembl'd a little, and by a feign'd Recan-
tation have avoided Death?
Van,

of the Dead.
209
Van. Yes-But Obftinacy fupply'd
the Place of Confcience, and wou'd not
let me.
Empe. Alas! thro' what ftrange Glaffes
have we look'd upon the World! We
thought to have made our felves admir'd,
by Actions, for which our Names are be-
come a Laughter and a Deteftation. Who
that reads our Story, will believe Mankind
is viciouíly fond of Life, when he finds
they can part with it, upon the worst and
moft unneceffary Occafions?
Van. Yet thus it fares with thousands
who facrifice themſelves to a falfe Fame,
who pay the Price, yet lofe the Pu-
chafe. What an amazing Profpect wou'd
it afford to trace Hiftory from the Begin-
ning of Time, and fee what infinite Num-
bers have been Martyrs to Folly!
FINIS

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