Tappan Presbyterian Association
T
LIBRARY.
Presented by HON. D. BETHUNE DUFFIELD.
From Library of Rev. Geo. Duffield, D.D.
DEO REIPUBLICÆ ET AMICIS
Gorge Duffield A.M
In tali nunquam lassat venatio sylva.
A.D.1884.

BX
8495
FOR
M82
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}


T.Gimbrede Sc
MRS MARY FLETCHER,
Willow of
the Rev. J. Fletcher
liste Verer of Maroly Shropshire-
3737
THE
LIFE
OF
MRS. MARY FLETCHER,
CONSORT
CONSORT AND RELICT
OF
THE REV. JOHN FLETCHER,
VICAR OF MADELY, SALOP.
COMPILED FROM HER JOURNAL,
AND OTHER AUTHENTIC DOCUMENTS.
BY HENRY MOORE.
The end of the Commandment is Charity, out of a pure heart, and of a good conscience, and of
faith unfeigned.…………………..
....1 Tim. i. 5.
By faith....choosing rather to suffer affiction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures
of sin for a season………………………….
…………..Heb. xi. 25.
These are they which follow the Lamb whithersoever he goeth...........................Rev. xiv. 4.
New-York:
PUBLISHED BY J. SOULE AND T. MASON, FOR THE MÍTHỔDIST
EPISCOPAL CHURCH IN THE UNITED STATES.
Abraham Paul, printer.
1818.
дра
Tappon Prest. Ass
11-07-1931
AMPIE -01-110
PREFACE.
A SHORT time after I was appointed to the Birming-
ham District, the papers of the late Mrs. Fletcher were
put into my hands. I was informed at the same time,
that the venerable person whose life was recorded in
them, had mentioned me as one that she wished should
prepare and publish her papers; and that an application
to that effect would have been made to me before that
time, but that the distance of my former appointment had
prevented it, Mrs. Fletcher having laid an injunction on
her friend, to whom, by will, she had committed them,
not to give them absolutely into the hands of any person
whatsoever.
I examined those papers with no common interest.
They gave an account not only of the writer's own life,
but involved, in some respects, that of her admirable
husband. I was certain that those records were desired,
and would be received, by the most pious in these king-
doms, not as a common religious biography, but as the
record of an uncommon work of God; and that they
would not be expected to fall short of any account which
has come forth in that great revival of scriptural Chris-
tianity in our day, concerning which we have so often
been constrained to say, What hath God wrought?
I have often wished to see such a display of that work
as would show its genuine nature and fruits, free from
iv
PREFACE.
the colouring of those writers who were not directly
concerned in it; or of those who might be so anxious
about its public reputation, as to forget, that the circum-
cision of the heart, is justified only by those children of
the light and of the day who prove its power, and cry
Abba, Father, by the Spirit of adoption; and whose praise
is not of men but of God. It is much to be desired also
to see such an account made living and powerful by
being personified;-to see an individual thus walking
worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in
every good work, and increasing in the knowledge of
God.
A general History of this work, including all the
important circumstances, has been already published,
especially in the journals of the Rev. Mr. John Wesley,
the father of Methodism, so called. In these we see,
as in the Gospel, the grain of mustard seed, increasing
and becoming a great tree, to the astonishment of those
who witnessed its small beginning,-who "saw the cloud
arise little as a human hand." The display given us in
that account, is distinguished by the same simplicity,
purity, and classical beauty, which are observable in all
the writings of that eminent instrument of God.
large survey is highly satisfactory; but the aid of living
testimony is necessary to bring it home to the hearts of
those whose inquiry is, What shall I do to be saved?
How shall I walk with God?
This
Religion is nothing less than the life of God in the
soul of man. It is the offspring of God through faith,
and is not, and cannot, be attached to churches or reli-
gious communities, though they are so highly necessary
to its propagation and increase. It never was so attached ;
though while the covenant of God was established with
PREFACE.
The
the nation of the Jews, it had that appearance. But
even then, all were not Israel, who were of Israel.
children of the promise, and not the children of the flesh,
were counted for the seed. The Gospel, however, to the
stumbling of the greatest part of that people, put an end
to that appearance.
The national covenant answered
the design of Him who gave it. It foretold, typified, and
prepared the way, of the only begotten Son of God. But
who could abide the day of his coming? Who could stand
when he appeared? It is true He was meek and lowly in
heart, and his every word and action towards even the
greatest transgressors, demonstrated that He came not to
destroy men's lives, but to save them. But he exposed
and resisted all those who walked in the deceivableness
of unrighteousness, and who boasted, like their fathers,
saying, The temple of the Lord, the temple of the Lord,
the temple of the Lord are we! He looked for personal
religion; and all who attached it to names, ordinances,
or communities, he answered with-Ye worship ye know
not what. He enforced poverty of spirit, mourning,
meekness, mercifulness, and purity of heart; showing thus
the beginning and progress of religion, as given to guilty,
sinful, helpless creatures, in whom dwells no good thing;
and who are thus to be made rich in faith, and heirs of
the kingdom of heaven: and who thus alone can be made
new creatures, and meet for the inheritance among the
saints in light, whose robes are washed and made white in
the blood of the Lamb.
&
These pure and high principles of Holy Writ, so
agreeable to the exalted character of Jehovah, and to
the fallen and wretched condition of man, were sought
out and adopted by the band of brothers in the Uni-
versity of Oxford, nearly ninety years ago. One great
1 *
vi
PREFACE:
truth involved the whole, as necessary to salvation-
Without holiness no man shall see the Lord. They imme-
diately followed after this, making every sacrifice, and
ordering their whole life that they might attain it. Some
time after the Lord showed them, that His way of con-
ferring holiness was by faith? and that he justifies men,
as being ungodly, through the redemption that is in Jesus,
before he sanctifies them. They now knew the whole
truth, and the Lord thrust them forth from their beloved
retirement, to raise a holy people. This was the one
design of these chosen instruments, and every thing
short of it they counted, to use the language of St. Paul,
wood, hay, or stubble.
But did they spend their strength for nought? Were
they disappointed of their hope? Were not a holy
people raised up? Let the Life of Mrs. Fletcher speak.
Let the pious reader say, if he be not introduced, in
these memoirs, among the excellent of the earth ;—All
of whom with one voice would testify,
"Blind we were, but now we see,
Deaf, we hearken, Lord! to Thee:
Dumb, for Thee our tongues employ,
Lame, and lo! we leap for joy."
"Some who have separated from other communities,”
says Mr. Wesley, "laid the foundation of that work, in
judging and condemning others: we, on the contrary,
in judging and condemning ourselves."
I cannot therefore but greatly rejoice that these me-
moirs are given to the public, and especially to that
community of which the writer was so long a highly
honoured and useful member. I cannot but think they
will be a great blessing to the people of God of every
denomination; and especially to all who desire to walk
PREFACE.
vii
even as Christ also walked, and who are conscious of an
evil nature, opposing that will of God which is their sanc-
tification. In this point of view especially, these me-
moirs will be considered, I think, as very precious to
all who fight this good fight of faith. The reader will
find in them no paint, nothing to set the writer off; no
extravagance, but plain life raised and sanctified by con-
stant attention to the duties and sacrifices of the Gospel;
and issuing in a constant pleading of the great and pre-
cious promises, by which we are made partakers of the
Divine Nature: with unremitting efforts to walk by that
rule, whether ye eat or drink, or whatever ye do, do all to
the glory of God.
Luther observed, that there never was a work of
God in the earth that lasted longer, in any community,
than the common life of man; that is, upon an aver-
age, about thirty years. Generally about that period,
the vineyard which the Lord planted with his own right-
hand, has been let out to husbandmen, who, yielding to
their natural propensities, and accommodating the work
of the Lord to the course of this world, have not been
careful to render to Him the required fruit. Hence the
visible state of decay, or of death, in those communi-
ties which once manifested the Divine hand of Him who
formed them. But this work has lasted nearly thrice
that time! There are none alive who witnessed its be-
ginning, and but very few who knew its early days. If
any such meet with this work, they will call to mind the
very glorious time when it was altogether the work of
God; when it was unsupported by any worldly power
or wisdom, and had all that is earthly, sensual, and devilish,
combined against it. They will see also a consistency
in the design, and in the mode of execution, which is
viii
PREFACE.
truly edifying, and not of this world. The instruments
employed in this work, and especially that one so emi-
careful for such pros-
They knew, like their
nently called thereto, were not
perity as worldly men desire.
blessed Master, that all whom their Father gave them would
come unto them, and they did not desire to bring the world
into his fold. The world is called, and redeemed; but
to add to the family of God all who obeyed that call, was
their only ambition, and the object of their incessant
labours.
The great superintendent of this work, under God,
looked not for what the world calls great talents in his
helpers. In this respect also he gladly used those whom
the Father gave him; who were witnesses of the truths
which they were called to teach. Men who knew God
(in the only way in which he can be truly and power-
fully known) as being merciful to their unrighteousness, and
remembering their sins no more. He was careful also to
see that the true fruit accompanied their ministry,-
The justification of the ungodly, and the sanctification of the
unholy. He used to say, "The best physician is not he
who writes the best recipes, but he who makes the
most cures." When men of learning united with him
in this divine work, he greatly rejoiced, and gladly re-
ceived them. The late Mr. Fletcher was an eminent
instance of that kind. His learning was deep, exten-
sive, clear, and various; but like his venerable friend,
whom he always called Father, he counted even all these
estimable advantages as dung and dross for the excellency
of the knowledge of Christ Jesus his Lord.
So abased was
this great man in his own eyes, and so entirely did he
take the divine mould of the Gospel, that there was not
one of those helpers in the work whom he did not re-
PREFACE.
ix
joice to call his brother in Christ, and whom he did not
in honour prefer to himself, even in his own parish.
The private members also were men and women of
God; and among these Miss Bosanquet always held in
general estimation the chief place. Her superiority in
natural and providential gifts,-her well-known entire
devotedness, her constancy and perseverance in the
divine life, her doing and suffering the whole will of
her Master, all fitted her, as by a general consent, to be
the consort of that great man whose praise is in all the
churches; whose admirable writings will live while piety
and learning are honoured in the earth; and which have
forced even those who did not know his piety, or affected
to lament that such talents should be so connected, to
acknowledge his great superiority.
That the highest principles of the Christian religion
should be brought into common life, is the greatest dis-
play of the power of divine truth that is possible, and
the most glorious victory over the world. It is thus that
righteousness shall cover the earth, and bring glory to Him
that sitteth upon the throne. How poor, how questiona-
ble, are all the refinements of the closet, the study, or
the cloister, when compared with the love of God and
our neighbour, brought into act, and exhibited on right
principles, amidst the common concerns and labours of
life, and attended with its usual trials, afflictions, and
mortifications! To persevere thus, is indeed the perse-
verance of the saints, and realizes that old saying, too
often quoted by pride and apathy," It is a sight wor-
thy of God, when he looks down from heaven, to see
a virtuous mind unswervingly struggling with adversity."
Such a sight, I trust, the pious reader will behold in the
PREFACE.
Life of Mrs. Fletcher. Her one support in all her
trials was, in substance, that of Job,-He knoweth the way
that I take, and when he hath tried me, I shall come forth³as
gold.
What indeed can be so interesting to a mind well in-
formed and disposed, as to behold the daily walk of one,
who from a very early age had devoted her whole life
to God? Not living in seclusion, but walking in what Je-
remiah calls the highway,-the way of holiness, in which
the wayfaring man, though a fool, shall not err? To see
our Lord's sermon on the Mount brought into daily and
hourly practice, according to the evident design of its
Divine Author. To see the house thus built upon the rock,
the truth and love of God; and then to behold the rains
descend, and the floods come, and the winds blow and beat
upon it! Surely they who contemplate the scene, and be-
hold its stability, will exultingly exclaim,-It falls not;
for it is founded upon a rock!
That such a person should be judged by men in the flesh,
while living to God in the spirit, will not be surprising to
any who learn what religion is by the word and Spirit of
Mrs.
God, and who know the real character of man.
Fletcher was thus judged. The common imputations she
outlived, or lived-down. One perhaps may remain. It
may still perhaps be said, she was an enthusiast. To
many who use this word no answer need be returned.
Any thing above the dead form of godliness is with them
enthusiasm. A love to him who first loved us, and who gave
himself for us, the just for the unjust, to bring us to God,
which would at all equal in its attachment the love that is
of earth and sense, is with them all madness, folly, or
hypocrisy wisdom is justified only by her children.
:
PREFACE.
xi
But more sober minds may object, that she too much
minded impressions, dreams, and those inward feelings,
which religious persons are supposed to be particularly.
exposed to. That such things should be condemned, toto
genere, is hardly consistent with any true religion, see-
ing the oracles of God so frequently mention them; and
not as attached to the prophetic or ministerial character,
but as given to those who walk with God in the humblest
path of life. The wisest and best of men have not only
spoken of such things with respect, but have made them
a part of the religion which they have held forth to ages
and generations, to communities and kingdoms. Con-
cerning religious feelings and impressions, the liturgy of
the Church of England, and her established institutes,
bear the fullest and most honourable testimony; setting
the highest value on that mode of divine teaching, and of
bestowing encouragement and consolation. We know
the worship of our Church is so constituted, as, if pos-
sible, to impress the whole nation; but there are parts
of it that can only be considered as describing and edify-
ing the children of God. How striking are those passages
in the communion service, where those who spiritually
eat the flesh of Christ, and drink his blood, are said, agree-
ably to the Holy Scriptures, to dwell in Christ, and Christ
in them; to be one with Christ, and Christ with them! And
in the seventeenth article, where there is the strongest
description of those adopted children of God, (so strong
indeed in some of the terms, that not a few have mistaken
this scriptural account of them, as descriptive of Mr.
Calvin's system) who by the counsel of God, are delivered
from the curse and damnation due to sin, and brought through
Christ to everlasting salvation, as vessels made to honour.
"Wherefore they which be endued with so excellent a
xii
PREFACE.
benefit of God, be called according to God's purpose by
his Spirit working in due season: they through grace
obey the calling: they be justified freely: they be made
sons of God by adoption: they be made like unto the
image of his only-begotten Son, Jesus Christ: they walk
religiously in good works, and at length, by God's mercy,
they attain to everlasting felicity." And " as this godly
consideration of their election in Christ is full of sweet,
pleasant, and unspeakable comfort—to such as feel in them-
selves the working of the Spirit of Christ, mortifying the
works of the flesh, and their earthly members, and drawing
up their mind to high and heavenly things, so it doth greatly
establish and confirm their faith of eternal salvation, and
fervently kindle their love to God."
Now with all this life, union, and holy fellowship, are
there no corresponding feelings and enjoyments? No
tasting the powers of the world to come? No lively impres-
sions of their heavenly inheritance? No consciousness of
His love to them, or their love to Him, in whom they dwell?
No peace or joy in believing ?-If this were indeed so,
then I am afraid, the life, the union, of which those feel-
ings and impressions have been considered as the gra-
cious marks, have no real existence; and the system
which boasts of a peace, of which the possessor has no
consciousness, a joy which raiseth not "the mind to high
and heavenly things," and a hope which is not full of
immortality, may triumphantly take its place in the Con-
gregation of the dead!
But it will be asked, did she not lay an undue stress
upon
these things? I believe not. I have not perceived
it. On the contrary, I have seen, even when she believ-
ed herself led by the Spirit of God to do that good which
was the settled purpose of her whole life, she mani-
PREFACE.
xiii
fested the greatest care to walk according to St. John's
direction, Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the
spirits whether they be of God. In obedience to this, she
considered and pondered all her ways, and brought every
purpose and act to the only sure touchstone, the unerr-
ing word of God. The same charge was often brought
against Mr. Wesley, and for precisely the same reasons.
Answering the most respectable of those who thus laid
to his charge things that he knew not; viz. Dr. Gibson, the
venerable Bishop of London, he replies, "In the whole
compass of language, there is not a proposition which
belongs less to me than this. I have declared again and
again, that I make the word of God the rule of all my actions ;
and that I no more follow any secret impulse instead
thereof, than I follow Mahomet or Confucius.'
Let Mrs. Fletcher be weighed in this balance, and I
believe she will not be found wanting. She, like Mr.
Wesley, and her excellent husband, served God in new-
ness of the spirit, and not in the oldness of the letter. Hence
her life was hid with Christ in God, and she had impres-
sions, and consolations, which are the fruits and evidences
of that life. But she well knew that the Spirit of truth
never contradicts, never is inconsistent with Himself.
His written Oracles, and his lively, and life-giving teach-
ing, agree together. She humbly and earnestly attended
to that direction to the law, and to the testimony; if they
speak not according to this word, it is because there is no
light in them. A writer of the present day has strangely
said, that he knew of no witness, no influence, no teach-
ing, but the written word of God. Perhaps he does not
know any other. But there are many who walk with
God who do. But if that writer only means, that he
2
xiv
PREFACE.
knows, or acknowledges, no witness, no influence, no
teaching, that is contrary to that holy word, or that is
inconsistent with its one design, to save us from all sin,
into all holiness, every true Christian will applaud the
sentiment. Mrs. Fletcher was watchful in this respect,
being aware of the danger. Hence, though she might
err, she never deviated from the path. She might mis-
take; but she was always preserved from any departure
from her God.
The pious reader will be glad to be assured, that the
whole of these memoirs are from Mrs. Fletcher's pen.
In compiling her life, I have left out much valuable mat-
ter, which was either contained, in substance, in other
parts of these memoirs, or were not of sufficient inter-
est to appear in the publication. I have also compressed
what I thought was redundant, that the work might not
be needlessly swelled. I have also thought it right to
press her sentences into more conciseness. She wrote
in the fulness of her heart, and with admirable sense;
but her style was rather too copious, and sometimes too
diffuse, for Narrative or History. But I have taken care,
at the same time, to give the admirable issues of her
enlightened mind, with all the force and simplicity with
which she recorded them.
Those who have read the lives of those truly pious
women, Madame Guion, Chantel, Bourignon, and others
of the same class, which so abundantly prove, that even
the cloud of Romish superstition does not preclude the
rays of the Sun of righteousness, and that involuntary
ignorance God still winketh at; will be glad to see a life
in the Protestant Church superior to any of them.
Especially, they will see, that all in her may be safely
PREFACE.
XV
imitated, being all according to the faith once delivered
to the saints. They will see also, not the fair picture
only, but how it came to bear the stamp divine. They
may trace its progress, and be encouraged to believe,
that the Lord, who is ever the same, will thus work in
them to will and to do, notwithstanding opposing corrup-
tions and they will thus be encouraged to give them-
selves up to that grace of God, which teaches us to deny
ungodliness, and worldly lusts, and to live soberly, right-
eously, and godly, in this present world. Looking for that
blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God,
and our Saviour Jesus Christ.
:
Birmingham, April 14, 1817.
H. MOORE.
THE
LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
PART THE FIRST.
Her early Life, and Christian Experience.
I WAS born September the first, O. S. 1739, at Layton-
stone, in Essex. From my earliest years, I can remem-
ber the Spirit of God striving with me, and offering me
salvation; but I slighted these most gracious calls, and
many times resisted the most tender invitations. One
day, from a little circumstance which occurred when I
was about four years old, I received such a conviction
that God heareth prayer, that it often administered
much comfort to me in seasons of trial and danger. Of
this I had the greater need, being by nature fearful even
to a degree of folly. How much this effeminacy of
disposition has cost me, in my Christian warfare, and
what sufferings, as well as spiritual loss, I have sustained
from it, is known only to my Heavenly Father.
When I was five years old, I began to have much
concern about my eternal welfare, and frequently inqui
red of those about me, whether such and such things
were sins. On Sabbath evenings, my dear father used
to instruct us in the church catechism. At those seasons
I can remember asking many questions. I wished to
know whether any ever did love God with all their
heart, and their neighbour as themselves; and whether it
was really the command of God that we should do so;
2 *
18
[PART I.
THE LIFE OF
>
also if the Bible really meant all it said? It seemed to
me that if it did, I was wrong, and all about me in danger ;
for there appeared to be a great difference between the
description of a Christian, given in the word of God, and
those who walk under that name.
As I was a backward child, and of weaker understand-
ing than the others, I was not well read in the Scriptures
at that very early age; but sentences out of the word of
God frequently occurred to my mind, and made a deep
impression, such as, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with
all thy heart. I would answer, but I do not love God at
all; I do not know how to love him; and with respect
to loving my neighbour thus, I am sure I do not; for
though my sister is dearer to me than any body else, I
do not love her as well as myself. Again, that word
struck me much, St. Paul says, I have fought the good
fight; and when I was baptized, the minister said, I was
to be "Christ's faithful soldier and servant, and fight man-
fully under his banner." This amazed me greatly. I
thought, I am sure I do not fight, neither do I know
what to fight against. But above all, that sentence would
follow me, Narrow is the way which leadeth unto life, and
few there be that find it; and, If ye are not of the world, the
world will hate you. I did not feel it a narrow way,
neither did the world hate me; therefore I questioned
often whether I was not quite out of the way, yet it was
not with any terror. I believed if the Lord saw that I
was wrong, he would make me right, and sometimes I
prayed for it. At other times I was very careless; yet
these reflections still dwelt on my mind, and often per-
plexed me. I frequently asked questions about these
subjects, but they were often very lightly treated. Those
parts of Scripture were represented as very liable to be
mistaken, and that they did not require obedience in all
the strictness which I seemed to suppose. This well
agreed with my carnal mind, and I thus soon quenched
PART 1.
1.]
19
MRS. FLETCHER.
those tender convictions; so easy is it to drown the soft
voice of the Spirit by carnal reasonings.
I now drew the following reflections; If the Bible
does not mean all it seems to speak, with regard to the
commands of God, certainly the same allowance may be
made for its threatenings; so that I began to believe
there was no hell at all, or at least not half so terrible as
I had been taught to think. This thought raised in me
a dislike to the word of God, and great coldness and
carelessness throughout all my conduct. But my ador-
able Lord did not give me up to the hardness of my heart,
but still followed me with his drawings. Often I thought,
perhaps the Bible does mean what it says, and then, I am
not a Christian; and greatly did I wish to know what
was the truth. My sister, who was nearly five years
older than me, was also under a concern for her soul;
she wished to know and do the will of God.
About this time, there came a servant maid to live
with my father, who had heard of, and felt some little of
the power of inward religion. It was among the people
called Methodists she had received her instructions.
Seeing the uneasiness my sister was under, she took
some opportunities of conversing with her. I was at this
season with my grandmother. On my return home, my
sister repeated the substance of these conversations to
me. I well remember the very spot we stood on, and
the words she spake, which, though we were but a few
minutes together, sunk so deeply into my heart, that they
were never afterward erased. My reflections were
suited to a child not seven years old. I thought if I
became a Methodist, I should be sure of salvation; and
determined, if ever I could get to that people, whatever
it cost I would be one of them. But after a few conver-
sations, and hearing my sister read some little books
which this servant had given to her, I found out, it was
not the being joined to any people that would save me,
but I must be converted, and have faith in Christ; that
20
[PART I.
THE LIFE OF
I was to be saved by believing; and that believing would
make me holy, and give me a power to love and serve
God.
The servant had now left our family, and we con-
tinued like blind persons, groping our way in the dark;
yet, though we had so far discerned the truth as to
express it in the above manner, I could not compre-
hend it. My heart rose against the idea of being saved
by a faith which I could not understand. One day
looking over the pictures in the Book of Martyrs, I
thought it would be easier to burn than believe, and
heartily did I wish that the Papists would come and
burn me, and then I thought I should be quite safe. Yet
these troubled thoughts, were mixed with a degree of
hope. I thought, God does love me, I believe, after all;
and, perhaps, He will show me what it is to believe, and
be converted.
When I was between seven and eight years old,
musing one day on that thought, What can it be to know
my sins forgiven, and to have faith in Jesus? I felt my
heart rise against God, for having appointed a way of
salvation so hard to be understood; and with anguish of
soul I said, if it were to die a martyr, I could do it; or
to give away all I have; or when grown up to become
a servant, that would be easy; but I shall never know
how to believe. In that moment these words were
applied with mighty power to my soul,
"Who on Jesus relies, without money or price,
The pearl of forgiveness and holiness buys."
They were accompanied with a light and power I had
never known before; and with joy I cried out, I do, I do
rely on Jesus; yes, I do rely on Jesus, and God counts
me righteous for what he hath done and suffered, and
hath forgiven all my sins! I was surprised that I could
not find out this before. I had thought every thing easier
than to believe; but now I thought the way of believing
PART 1.]
21
MRS. FLETCHER.
more easy than any other. A ray of light into the Gos-
pel plan shone upon my soul, and I began to adore the
wonders of redeeming love. But alas! it was but as
the drops before a shower; in a few days I lost the
power in a great measure,* though not the light of this
blessing. I can remember many promises after this,
being at times brought to my mind. Something also of
a confidence in the Lord Jesus I ever retained, and when
fears would spring up concerning the day of judgment,
I used to comfort myself with this thought, Jesus is to
be the judge, and I cannot be afraid of Jesus. But I
had not yet learned that lesson,
"Man for the simple life divine
What will it cost to break?
Ere pleasure soft, and wily pride,
No more within him speak?"
Some time after I had thus by faith "tasted of the
powers of the world to come," I fell into an uncommon
lowness and weakness of nerves, which was accompanied
with grievous temptations. I was oppressed beyond
measure with the fear of sin, and accused in almost every
thing I said or did, so that I was altogether a heap of
inconsistency. This was followed by temptations unspeak-
ably afflicting: It was continually suggested to my mind,
I had blasphemed against the Holy Ghost. The conse-
quent effect of these temptations on my temper, drew
on me many grievous burdens, and exposed me to so
much anger and reproach from my parents, as made
me weary of life. It appeared to them that I was
obstinate and disobedient; and my flesh has seemed
ready to move on my bones, when I have heard my dear
mother say,
"That girl is the most perverse creature
that ever lived: I cannot think what is come to her;'
and my heart used to sink like a stone, for I knew not
* She was not favoured at this time with Christian fellowship. She had
none to help her in the way of faith. Ed.
22
[PABT I.
THE LIFE OF
what to do, and the grief of my mind quite destroyed
my health. My grandfather and grandmother, who were
to me the tenderest of parents, seeing me in such a poor
way, as to my body, (though they knew not the cause,)
desired to have me with them. I grew something better
while I was there; but on my return home, I became
as bad as ever.
This heavy season lasted, I think, nine weeks; when
one day opening my mind to my sister, (as indeed I had
often before attempted to do, but could not explain
myself,) she providentially used these words in her
answer, "Why, you do not mean to blaspheme, do ?""
you
A light immediately struck into my mind; I weighed
the thought over and over, and could truly say, Lord,
thou knowest I do not mean to blaspheme. I then
recollected that I had heard something about temptation,
and often wondered what it was. I thought, it may be
Satan whispers this into my mind, like what we read
about Christian in the Pilgrim's Progress, going through
the valley of the shadow of death. I then determined
never to regard it more, but always answer with these
words, I do not mean to blaspheme, I will acknowledge
Christ for ever; and in a few days I was perfectly deli-
vered. I am the more full on this head, because it has
been a warning to me ever since, not to be too severe
in passing a judgment on the actions of children, whose
reflections are far deeper, and their feelings much keener,
than we are apt to imagine.
I was now, I believe, about ten years old, and can
recollect many comfortable moments, in reading the
word of God. The promises in Isaiah, were in a parti-
cular manner applied to my soul, and I hardly ever
opened the Bible, but there was something for me; till
one day I heard a person make this remark, that many
people took promises to themselves which did not belong
to them. Of some, she observed, they belonged to the
church: others, to the Jews; such and such, to the
PART I.]
23
MRS. FLETCHER.
Gentiles, &c. and then began to blame the presump-
tion of those who applied them to their own souls! Such
a thought had never entered my heart before. I knew
the words were primarily spoken on particular occasions:
but the Lord had led me to believe that his word was
written to every soul, so far as they were willing to
receive it by faith. But, from the above conversation,
I was unhinged,* I knew not what to choose, or what to
refuse, so that being cast into reasonings, I lost my love
for reading the Scriptures, and sunk into a very cold and
lifeless state. When I was twelve years old, we went to
Bath for three months. Here I met with many dissipa-
tions, and had, I may truly say, no enjoyment of reli-
gion; only when in the midst of the ball-room I used to
think, if I knew where to find the Methodists, or any
who would show me how to please God, I would tear off
all my fine things, and run through the fire to them:
and sometimes I thought, if ever I am my own mistress,
I will spend half the day in working for the poor, and
the other half in prayer.
When I was about thirteen, the things of God be-
gan to return with more power on my mind. One day
my sister visiting Mrs. Lefevre,† found her truly awak-
ened, and in earnest to save her soul. She told me this
news with great delight; for as our parents had no sus-
picion of her being a Methodist, we saw the Lord had
opened us a door into that Christian liberty we so much
longed after. At her house we got opportunities of
conversation with religious persons, which a good deal
strengthened our hands, though we often said to each
other, these Methodists do not quite answer our expec-
tations, though our time is short with them, they lose
much of it before they begin to converse with us about
our souls; the Apostles would not have done so. But we
*Here again she felt the want of Christain fellowship. Ed.
+ Well known in the Methodist Connexion by her admirable letters,
published many years ago.
24
[PART 1.
MRS. FLETCHER.
must not form our judgment by the rich, let us wait till
we get acquainted with some of the poor among them;
perhaps they will be right Methodists, and more like the
first Christians.
Sometimes that promise was brought powerfully to
my mind, "Whatsoever ye shall ask believing, ye shall re-
ceive :" then, thought I, I may ask all the grace I will; I
may ask power never to offend my God again. Faith
sprung up in my soul, and I was much drawn out in
prayer for holiness; till one day speaking of it to a par-
ticular person, she raised many objections to the thought
of all sin being removed from the heart. I felt it as if
cold water were thrown on a newly kindled fire, and the
wings of my faith seemed clipt. Fearing lest I was wrong,
I prayed the Lord to answer for himself by his word, So
taking up the Bible, with much prayer I opened it,
and immediately cast my eyes on these words, "Behold,
I am the Lord, the God of all flesh; is any thing too
hard for me?" It came with power; my heart, as it were,
leaped for joy; and I cried out, Now I will wrestle, and
I shall prevail.
Towards the end of the following winter, there was
a confirmation at St. Paul's; and my father desired I
should be confirmed. This was a very rousing ordi-
nance to me; for some time before, I had felt how un-
worthy I was of it: how unfit thus solemnly to devote
myself to God, by renewing that covenant I had so
often broken. I read the order of confirmation, with
the ministration of baptism, over and over, and besought
my God to give me power to keep the charge of the
Lord faithfully. For some months after, every time I
approached the Lord's table, I had a very peculiar sense
of his presence, and sometimes I felt as if the Lord Jesus
did from his own hand give me the sacred emblems of
his body and blood.
But the next year my mind again wandered after
many things, and though I tasted now and then, a little
MRS. FLETCHER.
25
of the loving-kindness of the Lord, yet in the general I
was greatly under the power of my own will. Pride and
perverseness got many times the upper hand, and there
was nothing in my life or conversation which could
adorn the Gospel; but I did not then see my conduct
in that light. While our love is small, our perceptions
in spiritual things are very dark. Alas! I thought
I walked as a Christian; but now that I see so much
more of the holiness of God, I also discern more fully
the depth of my fall, and am astonished that either God
or man bore with me. While the carnal mind retained
this power, I do not wonder my dear mother should
not love me as the rest of her children; for I was not
only more dull and indolent in every thing I had to
learn, but I gave way to an insolent and disobedient
spirit in such a degree towards the whole family, that
the recollection has often seemed to draw blood from
my heart. How perfectly do I feel these words my own,
"Sink down, my soul, sink lower still,
Lle level with the dust."
But the Lord did not forsake me.
One night, after
spending some time in prayer, I cast my eyes on a book
Mrs. Lefevre had given me, and read these words,
"I'll look into my Saviour's breast;
Away, sad doubt and anxious care,
Mercy is all that's written there.
Jesu's blood, through earth and skies,
Mercy, free boundless mercy, cries."
I saw as it were the Father of mercy opening his arms
to receive me, and on that boundless love I had liberty
to cast my whole soul. I was more and more thankful
for my union with Mrs. Lefevre, and experienced in her
the greatest comfort of my life.
3
26
[PART 1.
THE LIFE OF
About this season my ever-honoured grandfather and
grandmother were taken from us. He was one of the
excellent of the earth his life, in many respects,
was remarkable and singular. In his last illness he de-
lighted much in these words, "My sheep hear my voice;
I know them, and they follow me, &c." He was aged
seventy-nine, and had lived with my grandmother forty-
five years in a union not usually to be met with. He was
a pattern in many respects; plain in his dress, mor-
tified in his food, and strictly conscientious in all his
expenses. When many dishes were on his table, he
scarcely ate of any thing but mutton, and that for
many years, because he believed it most conducive to
his health. His love and charity to the poor was uncom-
He esteemed it a reproach to any man to say he
died very rich; adding, it is too plain a mark he has not
made a good use of his income.
mon.
""
One day upon the exchange, a gentleman who was
by him said to another, "Sir John, I give you joy;
they tell me you have completed your hundred thousand
pounds. The other replied, "I hope to double it
before I die." My grandfather, turning short, said,
"Then, Sir John, you are not worthy of it." Once being
at the table of a nobleman, he observed the guests
drinking to excess, and conversing in a very unchristian
At first he tried to turn the conversation, but
the torrent being too strong, he rose up, and leaning
over the back of his chair, he gave them a solemn re-
proof, joined to an affectionate warning, and then left
the company. I have been with him in his chariot when
he has suddenly stopped it to reprove profane swearing
on the road.
manner.
My grandmother was a woman of an uncommonly
sweet temper; and having acquired a good deal of
skill in physic, she so helped the poor, that they looked
on her as a mother, a nurse, and a counsellor. When
my grandfather had been dead three months, she dream-
PART I.]
27
MRS. FLETCHER.
ed, one night, he came to her, and standing by the
bedside, said, she "should come to him shortly, till
then his happiness was not so complete as it would be;"
and added, study the Scriptures, study the Scriptures, in
them ye
think ye have eternal life. From this time
she applied to them daily, in a manner superior to what
she had done before; though she had always an high
veneration for the word of God. About three weeks
after, she said to us one day, "Air that room; I will
go into it, that I may die in the bed Mr. Dunster died
in. From the night she went into it, she came out no
more; for she died within the week. As she did not
appear any worse than usual, she was at first thought to
be in no danger. She said to herself two or three times,
“What a blessing I am dying without pain! I have no
more than I can very well bear!”
From this time we began to get rather more liberty,
and one day as my sister was on a visit at Mrs. Lefevre's,
Mr. Romaine came in, and began to speak of the sinful-
ness of attending the playhouse. She listened with great
earnestness to all he said; which repeating to me on her
return, it was as a nail in a sure place, and I began to
cry for power to stand to the light which I had then
received.
A few months after this my sister married, by which
I was left alone. I must observe, to this time, my pa-
rents had very little suspicion of our having any inter-
course with the Methodists, but thought, (when the
before-mentioned servant was put away, and our books
taken from us,) that our religious impressions had worn
off. I now saw the time was come, when I must confess
Christ before men, if I would wish him to confess me be-
fore his Father, and the holy angels. I consulted some
of my serious friends about the playhouse, but they said,
"Were you older, we should know what to advise, but,
as you are but sixteen, if your parents insist on your go-
ing, we do not see how you can avoid it." This answer
28
1.]
THE LIFE OF
PART ᏢᎪᎡᎢ
did not fully satisfy me; and I was much distressed both
ways. I saw the duty I owed to an absolute command
from my parents in a very strong light; and, on the other
hand, I remembered that my obedience to them was to be
-in the Lord. I sought direction in prayer, and endea-
voured to examine the question on both sides; but the
more I searched, the clearer it appeared to me, I must
not comply. I considered the playhouse had a tendency
to weaken every Christian temper, and to strengthen all
that was contrary; to represent vice under the false
colour of virtue, and to lead in every respect into the
spirit of the world, of which the apostle declares, The
friendship of this world is enmity with God. When the
time came, and my obedient compliance was required, I
begged to be left at home. On a refusal, I laid open my
whole heart to my father; apprising him, I would not
willingly be disobedient in any thing, unless where con-
science made it appear to be my duty. We conversed
on the subject with great freedom; for my dear father
was a man of deep reason, calmness, and condescension.
He replied, "Child, your arguments prove too much;
and therefore are not conclusive. If what you say be
true, then all places of diversion, all dress and company,
nay, all agreeable liveliness, and the whole spirit of the
world, is sinful. I embraced the opportunity and said,
"Sir, I see it as such, and therefore am determined no
more to be conformed to its customs, fashions, or max-
ims," This was a season of great trial, but the Lord
stood by me: glory be to his holy name!
I daily discerned a great difference between my man-
ner of life, and that which the Bible described as the
life of a Christian. I had often strong desires to be
wholly given to the Lord. Much opposition I met with
for having declared my sentiments, and what was very
cutting to me, I was often debarred from the pleasure of
seeing my friend Mrs. Lefevre. This was the conse-
quence I much feared, if I should openly declare my
PART 1.29
I.
]
MRS. FLETCHER.
mind; but I was thoroughly convinced, if I loved my.
friend more than God's law, I should never know the
power of true religion. It is my natural temper, to be
very anxious about any one I love, and to fix too much
of my confidence in them. This was the case with
respect to Mrs. Lefevre. I saw and lamented it, beseech-
ing the Lord to take away all idolatry out of my affections,
and give me to love her as I ought.
I dreamed one night I was in a church, and saw writ-
ten on the wall, in letters of gold, these words: Thou
shalt have no other gods but me.
While I was looking on
it, I saw the name of Mrs. Lefevre wrote under it. I was
surprised, and presently beheld the following line, If this
is your God, then what am I? I awakened with a deep
conviction that I had placed too much confidence on an
arm of flesh. I knew it was the voice of God by this
mark, a great sweetness accompanied the reproof. This
was the method the Lord has always used towards me;
he held me up with one hand, while he smote me with
the other.
""
In the month of June, 1756, I spent a day with Mrs.
Lefevre. It was a profitable time; I found my heart
very open, and told her, I believed I could give up even
her to the will of God. She replied, "Nothing you
could have said would have given me more satisfaction.
For a long time, I have thought the thread of my life
was nearly spun out. I have no clog upon my chariot-
wheels; but my greatest pain was for you, who have
already so many trials surrounding you.' This was her
last address; for three days after I received a message,
that she was seized with a sudden illness, and in great
danger. My mother kindly permitted me to visit her;
but I found her on the borders of eternity, into which,
after expressing with great difficulty, "I have comforts
indeed!" her happy spirit took its flight. As my time
was limited, I had returned home when I received the
news of her death. I went into a grove, that was in our
3 **
30
[PART 1.
THE LIFE OF
garden to pour out my soul before the Lord. But what
may seem strange, I was not permitted to feel at that
time much pain, for the Lord met me with these words,
which sprang up as living water in my soul,
"My star by night, my sun by day,
My spring of life, when parch'd with drought;
My wine to cheer, my bread to stay,
My strength, my shield, my safe abode,
My robe before the throne of God."
I felt the Lord Jesus did answer all these characters to
my soul, and by faith I beheld him as my robe before the
throne of God.
When I was about seventeen years of age, my father
and two brothers, (younger than me,) were going with
some other company to see the Royal George, which was
sixteen miles from the shore from whence we set out; my
father desired me to accompany them. I knew not what
to do, but at length believed I ought to obey. Indeed I
thought I should have no further cross than the going to
the ship, and returning in the afternoon. But we had
not been long in the vessel, before some of the company
began to ridicule my overmuch religion. When we drew
near the Royal George, the men said, we must not attempt
to go round her, for she was deep, and very dangerous;
but the gentlemen insisted they should row round the
ship. While this was doing, we were in great danger,
and the ladies, exceedingly alarmed, began to cry out.
Some of them said, "Miss Bosanquet, why are you so
calm ?” I told them I saw the danger, but our business
was to trust in God; I was quite ready either to sink or
to be saved. My confidence in the Lord kept me secure
in his providence. I had now an opportunity to speak,
and they were ready to hear. When we got into the
ship, it seemed like a town; such a vast variety of places
like shops, were all around. We were met by Captain
Burnet, who led us into a grand room; the place designed
PART I.]
31
MRS. FLETCHER.
He ran down,
for us was pointed out by a lady that attended us. Cap-
tain Burnet proposed a dance, and after that a cold colla-
tion. Now I felt indeed. Several of the company fell
upon me, with "Now, Miss Bosanquet, what will you do
now! You must dance; you cannot run away." Know-
ing my help must come from above, I lifted up my heart
to the Lord, and cried to him for help. Presently a mes-
senger in haste called for Captain Burnet.
but soon returned with great disappointment in his coun-
tenance, saying, "O what shall we do? The Prince of
Wales and Admiral Anson are coming on board." Never
was any thing more welcome to me than this hurry of
preparing for the Prince-our present King, one year
older than me. My heart praised the Lord for this
timely interposition. The cannon put aside the dance,
and we at length talked of returning. We were let down
into our little vessel, and I was truly thankful to be on
the way home. But another trial soon occurred. Some
of the company proposed going to Vauxhall; this Ï refu-
sed. Then, said they, "You must stay in the vessel with
the men.
I knew not what to do. As we drew near
the part where our coaches were waiting for us, a strange
disagreement took place between two of the gentlemen;
one of them, my brother, rose up and bid the man draw
near to the steps; he got out, and I followed him. The
rest went on to Vauxhall. I was truly thankful when
we got into the coach. This was the last attempt of
this kind.
But this peaceful frame did not last long. Some snares
were presented before me, which dissipated my mind,
and cooled the fervour of my affections. In this spirit
I went to London in the winter. I was now about
eighteen. As I had not yet had a clear conviction to
throw aside dress, while in my father's house, I con-
tinued in my appearance like the company I conversed
with, only I did not go with them to public diversions ;
and this winter I began to gain favour in their eyes, and
32
[PART I.
THE LIFE OF
felt myself in great danger of being carried down the
stream. But the thought alarmed my soul, and caused
me to look about for help. I cried to the Lord to bring
me acquainted with some of the excellent of the earth,
that I might learn to walk in the narrow way which leads
to life and glory, and into which I saw I was scarcely
entered. One day I heard a conversation concerning an
extraordinary work among the Methodists-That some of
them spoke of such a change being wrought on their
will and affections, that they found that word to be
accomplished, "Old things are passed away, and all
things are become new." The remembrance of that
text, "Is any thing too hard for me?" came with fresh
power to my soul; and some encouraging promises.
sprang up in my mind, and made me persevere in prayer.
I told my serious friends, (who were not joined to
the Methodists,) if they could procure me an hour's
conversation with one of those pious women, I should
esteem it a great favour; for I longed to see any one who
would tell me of a deeper religion than I had known.
I saw myself surrounded with snares, and often thought
with tears on those words,
"See where o'er the desert wastes I err,
And neither food nor feeder have;
Nor fold, nor place of refuge near,
While no man cares my soul to save.”
At this time I became acquainted with a gentleman in
some sense religious, though I fear not deeply so. He
professed much affection for me, and my religious friends
advised me to think of him, as it was likely to be very
acceptable to my parents, and would open a door to more
religious liberty. But I cannot say he was agreeable
to me. Neither my understanding nor affection could
approve the proposal; yet I was hurt by unprofitable
reasonings. Sometimes I thought it might be of the
Lord; at others, I could not see into it at all. While
PART 1.]
33
MRS. FLETCHER.
thus perplexed, I received a message from Miss. Furley,
(now Mrs. Downes,) that on such a day Mrs. Crosby
would be at her house. I went to meet her in the spirit
of prayer and expectation. She simply related what
God had done for her soul. The words she spoke were
clothed with power, and my convictions of the necessity
of holiness were much increased. The affair of the
gentleman was obliterated from my mind; and the pros-
pect of a life wholly devoted to God, drank up every
other consideration. In a few hours I returned home
to our country-house on Epping Forest; but such a
sweet sense of God, the greatness of his love, and
willingness to save to the uttermost, remained on my
mind, that if I but thought on the word holiness, or of
the adorable name of Jesus, my heart seemed to take fire
in an instant; and my desires were more intensely fixed
on God than ever I had found them before.
A few days after I wrote to Mrs. Crosby. The fol-
lowing is an extract.
“Forest house, May the 17th, 1757.
"The Lord hath indeed been merciful above all
I can ask or think. I am more drawn to prayer. I find
a more earnest pursuit of holiness than ever; but what
most stirs me up is, I seem to hear the Lord calling to
me, in these words, "Depart ye, depart ye, go ye out
hence, touch not the unclean thing; be clean, ye that bear
the vessels of the Lord."
I now saw the path in which I ought to walk. I
determined not to think about a married life, for my
present light was to abide single. But the Lord seemed
to call me to more activity, insomuch that I cried out,
"Lord, what wilt thou have me to do?" I would be
given up, both soul and body, to serve the members
of Christ. My firm resolution was to be wholly given
up to the church, in any way that He pleased. I desired
34
[PART I.
THE LIFE OF
not to be idle, but employed as those described by St.
Paul to Timothy, "If she have brought up children, if
she have lodged strangers, if she have washed the saints'
I
feet, and diligently followed after every good work.”
can hardly express with what power these words would
come to my mind. It seemed to me, the Lord had
planned out all my way; and I only wished so to walk.
The end of this summer brought me a great trial. My
parents were going to Scarborough. My mother offered
to take me with them, if I would do as they did, and
not bring a reproach on them in a strange place. This
seemed a reasonable request; but I could not comply,
for the spirit of the world was as contrary to that of
Christ in Scarborough as in London. I requested to be
left with my sister; but it was appointed for me to spend
most of my time at an uncle's in London. They were
exceedingly kind, and let me have much liberty. I had
never before had the opportunity of a constant attend-
ance on the means of grace; and I greatly feared abus
ing this talent. One of my acquaintance being impru-
dent, pressed me never to be absent from any meeting,
or preaching. By this means, I am sensible I went too
far. I walked about more than my strength could bear,
having been scarce ever permitted to go out of our own
grounds, but in a carriage. But above all, I am pained
when I think how little of Christian prudence appeared
in my conduct. The kind family in which I was received,
could not but blame and condemn a conduct, which,
though the motive was upright, was in itself sometimes
wrong.
During this season, I cultivated an acquaintance for
which I trust I shall for ever praise the Lord. It was
with Mrs. Sarah Ryan, who (with a pious woman named
Mary Clark,) lived in a little house in Christopher-alley,
Moorfields. They both possessed the spirit of the pri-
mitive church in an eminent degree. A few of the most
lively souls in the London society were frequently
PART I
35
MRS. FLETCHER.
gathered there. The more I saw of that family, the
more I was convinced, Christ had yet a pure church
below; and often while in their company, I thought
myself with the hundred and, twenty that waited to be
baptized by the Holy Spirit. It was at Mrs. Ryan's
house that Mrs. Crosby boarded; and whenever I was
from home, this was the place of my residence, and truly
I found it to be a little Bethel.
The more I conversed with Mrs. Ryan, the more I
discovered of the glory of God breaking forth from
within, and felt a strong attraction to consider her as the
friend of my soul. I told her the past sins, follies, and
mercies of my life, and received a similar account from
her.
The time now drew nigh for my parents' return, and
I went home to receive them. While in London I had
used more exercise than my constitution could bear.
My mother was much surprised when she saw me appear
so ill, and laid it all to my religion. A fever came on
rapidly, and I was ordered to go to bed; but I could
scarcely keep on my feet, while I ascended the stairs.
When I was laid in bed, how shall I describe the posture
of my mind? Distracted by the fever; torn by fears and
temptations, and deprived of those friends, who at this
time could have understood and comforted me! The loss
of Mrs. Lefevre now also returned on my mind with
great pain. My dear parents were not aware of the
nature of my illness, which was, as the apothecary after-
ward told them, a strong nervous fever. They thought
it all arose from some trouble of mind I would not own,
and told me one day, if I did not rouse myself out of that
low state, my head should be blistered, and I should be
shut up in a dark room. My father being present, I said,
"Will you put me in a mad-house, papa ?" he said, “No,
but you must be shut up at home, if you do not strive
against this lowness. The doctor says you have no pulse
at all; he never saw a patient so low." My mind became
36.
[Part I.
THE LIFE OF
greatly depressed; I could find no comfort of any kind,
either from God or outward things.
But the Lord graciously helped me in an extraordinary
way. As I lay reflecting on my situation, and weeping
before him on account of the darkness of my mind, I dis-
cerned an unusual brightness, (yet not dazzling,) and a
voice came so powerfully, that I can only say, I heard and
felt it with every faculty of soul and body-Thou shalt
walk with me in white! An answer seemed to come from
my heart, independent of myself,* "Lord, how can that
be, seeing I am not worthy?" It was spoken to me again,
Thou shalt walk with me in white; I will make thee worthy.
This was followed by those words, I will thoroughly purge
away thy dross, and take away all thy tin! and
"Glory is on earth begun,
Everlasting life is won."
To this day I have the most lively remembrance of
that manifestation; and in the darkest moments I have
since passed through, I could never doubt its being the
voice of the Lord. My illness was long, and attended
with many trials. Before my recovery, Mrs. Ryan was
removed from London to Bristol, to be housekeeper at
the room there; and much did I pray the Lord that we
should be brought together again.
I was now about nineteen years of age, and soon after,
my parents having an intention to go to Bath for a season,
proposed that I should spend that time at Bristol, as I was
now thought to be consumptive. I gladly embraced the
offer, as a merciful providence. I accordingly went to
Bristol, where I remained seven weeks. Mrs. Downes
(late Miss Furley) showed me much kindness. Indeed
I was in some sense committed to her care by my parents,
who had for years been acquainted with her family.
* Who can account for this whole manifestation on common principles?
Yet what pious mind will not conclude, it was help from the Lord in the
time of need? Ed.
PART 1.]
37
MRS. FLETCHER.
I spent much of my time with Mrs. Ryan, and Mrs. Clark,
and I trust in some degree partook of their spirit. After
my return home I clearly discovered that I still con-
formed too much in my appearance to the spirit and
fashions of the world; but I plainly saw a renunciation
of that conformity would give my relations great offence.
I loved my parents, and feared to disoblige them. I
sought for arguments to quench that little spark of light
which was kindling in my soul, conscious they could not
see in my light, and knowing that obedience to parents
was one of the first duties. I did so far quench it, that
I put on again many of the things I had thrown off. My
acquaintance took much notice of me, and I was so afraid
of losing their good opinion, that I had no power to
reprove sin, or even to refrain from joining in light or
trifling conversation when in company. But I soon dis-
cerned the danger consequent on their approval, and
therefore determined to weigh well what was most likely
to please God, and by that to abide.
I prayed for direction, and saw clearly that plainness of
dress and behaviour best became a Christian, and that for
the following reasons.
•
First. The apostle expressly forbids women profess-
ing godliness, to let their adorning be in apparel; allowing
them no other ornament than that of a meek and quiet
spirit.
Secondly. I saw the reasonableness of the command,
and proved it good for a proud heart to wear the plain
and modest livery of God's children.
Thirdly. It tended to open my mouth, for when I
appeared like the world, in Babylonish garments, I had
its esteem, and knew not how to part with it. But when
I showed, by my appearance, that I considered myself
as a stranger and foreigner, none can know (but by try-
ing) what an influence it has on our whole conduct, and
what a fence it is, to keep us from sinking into the spirit
of the world. For there is no medium; they who are
4
38
[PART 1.
THE LIFE OF
conformed to the fashions, customs, and maxims of the
world, must embrace the spirit also, and they shall find
the esteem they seek; for the world will love its own.
But let them remember also that word, The friendship
of this world is enmity with God.
Fourthly. I saw myself as a steward, who must render
an account for every talent, and that it was my privilege
to have the smiles of God on every moment of my time,
or penny of money which I laid out.
Fifthly. I saw clearly that the helping my fellow crea-
tures in their need, was both more rational, and more
pleasant, than spending my substance on superfluities;
and as I am commanded to love my neighbour as myself,
and to consider all done to the household of faith as done
to Christ, surely I ought not only to suffer my superfluity
to give way to their necessity, but also (as occasion may
require,) my necessities to their extremities.
Sixthly. But it is not only the talent of money, but of
time, which is thrown away by conformity to the world,
entangling us in a thousand little engagements, which a
dress entirely plain cuts through at once.
Seventhly. The end usually proposed by young per
sons in their dress, is such as a devout soul would abomi-
nate. A heathen may say, it will promote my being
comfortably settled in life; but I believe the Lord
appoints the bounds of our habitation, and that no good
thing shall he withhold from those who walk uprightly. I
have therefore nothing to do, but to commend myself to
God, in holy obedience, and to leave every step of my
life to be guided by his will. I will therefore make it
my rule to be clean and neat, but in the plainest things,
according to my station; and whenever I thought on the
subject, these words would pass through my mind with
power, For so the holy women of old adorned themselves.
As soon as I saw my way clearly, I ventured to open
my mind to my father concerning dress, as I had done
before with regard to public places; entreating him to
PART 1.]
39
MRS. FLETCHER.
bear with me, while I endeavoured to show him my rea-
sons for refusing to be conformed to the customs, fashions,
and maxims of the world. He heard me with great
patience; and as I loved him tenderly, it came very near
me to oppose him. My trials increased daily. I was
perplexed to know how far to conform, and how far to
resist. I feared on the one hand, disobedience to my
parents, and on the other, disobedience to God.
My dear mother had sometimes expressed a belief, that
it would be better for the family if I were removed from
it, lest my brothers, who were younger than me, should
be infected by my sentiments and example. Yet she did
not see it clear to bid me go; but rather wished me to
depart of my own accord. The furnace now became
hot; but I did not dare to come out without the Lord.
Indeed, could there have been any amicable agreement
between us, and that I had my parents' leave to live else-
where, I would gladly have accepted it. I even made
some distant proposals of this kind, but they never saw
it good to concur. Providence thus overruled my desire
for wise ends and to run away from my father's house,
I could not think of. I was twenty-one years of age, and
had a small fortune of my own. I saw myself on the
verge of a material change, and it was easy to discern
that my father's house would not long be a refuge for me ;
but in what manner I should be removed, or what trials
I might yet have to go through, I could not tell. The
continual language of my heart was, I am oppressed, Lord,
undertake thou for me.
One day my father said to me, "There is a particular
promise which I require of you, that is, that you will
never, on any occasion, either now, or hereafter, attempt
to make your brothers what you call a Christian." I
answered, (looking to the Lord,) "I think, Sir, I dare
not consent to that." He replied, "Then you force me
to put you out of my house," I answered,
I answered, "Yes, Sir,
according to your views of things, I acknowledge it; and,
40
[PART I
TEH LIFE OF
.
if I may but have your approval, no situation will be
disagreeable.” He replied, “There are many things in
your present situation, which must be, I should think,
very uncomfortable..' This I acknowledged, and added,
that "If he would but say he approved of my removal,
I would take a lodging which I had heard of at Mrs.
Gold's, in Hoxton Square; but that no suffering could
incline me to leave him, except by his free consent."
He replied, with some emotion, "I do not know you
ever disobliged me wilfully in your life, but only in these
fancies; and my children shall always have a home in my
house." As I could not but discern a separation would
take place, (though I knew not how nor when,) I judged
it most prudent to take the lodgings, that, in case I should
be suddenly removed, I might have a home to go to ;
which I preferred to the going into any friend's house as
a visiter. I also hired a sober girl, to be ready when-
ever I might want her. I informed my mother, a short
time after, of the steps I had taken. She gave me two
beds, one for myself, and a little one for my maid; and
Some-
appeared to converse on it in a way of approval.
thing, however, seemed to hold us, on both sides, from
bringing it to the point.
For the next two months I suffered much; my mind
was exercised, with many tender and painful feelings.
One day my mother sent me word, "I must go home to
my lodgings that night." I went down to dinner, but
they said nothing on the subject; and I could not begin it.
The next day, as I was sitting in my room, I received
again the same message.
During dinner, however,
nothing was spoken on the subject. When it was over,
I knew not what to do. I was much distressed. I thought,
if they go without saying any thing to me, I cannot go;
and if they should not invite me to come and see them
again, how shall I bear it? My mind was pressed down
with sorrow by this suspense. Just as they were going
out, my mother said, "If you will, the coach, when it
PART I.]
41
MRS. FLETCHER.
I re-
has set us down, may carry you home to your lodging."
My father added, "And we shall be glad to see you to
dinner next Tuesday." This was some relief.
mained silent. When the coach returned, I ordered my
trunk into it; and struggling with myself, took a kind of
leave of each of the servants, as they stood in a row in
tears, in my way out of the house. About eight o'clock
I reached my lodging.
It consisted of two rooms, as yet unfurnished. I had
neither candle, or any convenience. The people of the
house I had never seen before, only I knew them by cha-
racter to be sober persons. I borrowed a table and a
candlestick, and the window seat served me as a chair.
When bolting my door, I began to muse on my present
situation.
I am, said I, but young-only entered into my twenty-
second year. I am cast out of my father's house. I know
the heart of a stranger; but, alas! how much more of it
may I yet have to prove? I cried unto the Lord, and found
a sweet calm overspread my spirit. I could in a measure
act faith on these words :-"When thy father and thy
mother forsake thee, the Lord shall take thee up." The
following reflections also arose in my mind. I am now
exposed to the world, and know not what snares may be
gathering around me. I have a weak understanding, and
but little grace. Therefore, now, before any snare has
entangled me, I shall form a plan for my future conduct,
and endeavour to walk thereby. First, I will not receive
visits from single men, and in order to evade the trial more
easily, I will not get acquainted with any; I will, as much
as possible, refrain from going into any company where
they are. Secondly, I will endeavour to lay out my time
by rule, that I may know each hour what is to be done :
nevertheless I will cheerfully submit to have these rules
broken or overturned, whenever the providence of God
thinks fit so to do. And thirdly, I will endeavour to fix
my mind on the example of Jesus Christ, and to lead a.
4*
:
[PART 1.
42
THE LIFE OF
mortified life; remembering, "He came not to be minis-
tered unto, but to minister."
The prejudices of education are strong, especially in
those persons who have been brought up rather in high
life. The being removed from a parent's habitation,
seemed very awful. I looked on myself as being liable
to a deep reproach, and trembled at the thought. But
I remembered that word, "He that loveth father or mo-
ther more than me, is not worthy of me."
My maid being now come, and having lighted a fire in
the other room, and borrowed a few things of the family,
she begged me to come into it, as the night was very cold.
And now my captivity seemed turning every moment.
That thought, I am brought out from the world; I have
nothing to do but to be holy, both in body and spirit, filled
me with consolation. Thankfulness overflowed my heart;
and such a spirit of peace and content poured into my
soul, that all about me seemed a little heaven.
•
Some bread, with rank salt butter, and water to drink,
made me so comfortable a meal, that I could truly say, I
cat my meat with gladness and singleness of heart. As the
bed was not put up, I laid that night almost on the ground,
and the windows having no shutters, and it being a bright
moonlight night, the sweet solemnity thereof well agreed
with the tranquillity of my spirit. I had now daily more
and more cause for praise. I was acquainted with many
of the excellent of the earth, and my delight was in them.
Yet was I not without my cross, for every time I went to
see my dear parents, what I felt when, towards night, I
rose up to go away, cannot well be imagined. Not that I
wished to abide there; but there was something in bid-
ding farewell to those under whose roof I had always lived,
as used to affect me much, though I saw the wise and gra-
cious hand of God in all; and that He had by this means
set me free for his own service. From my heart I thanked
Him as the gracious author, and them as the profitable
instruments of doing me so great a good. My mother
PART I.]
43
MRS. FLETCHER.
was frequently giving me little things; and every renewed
mark of kindness made the wound to bleed afresh.
There was in the years sixty-one and sixty-two, a very
great revival among the societies, both in London, and
many other places; and an earnest desire was stirred up
in many hearts, after full salvation.
Prayer was made
without ceasing by the faithful, "That the glory of God
might go forth as brightness; and his salvation as a lamp
that burneth." These prayers were answered in a very
powerful manner. The spirit was poured out on some
in such a degree as can hardly be conceived, but by those
who felt the divine influence. Not only Mr. Wesley,
and Mr. Maxfield, were in an uncommon manner blest in
their preaching; but many simple persons, both men and
women, were lively harbingers of the approaching Pen-
tecost, and cried aloud, The kingdom of heaven is at hand!
The mighty power of God was seen on every side! Christ
was held out as a complete Saviour; and represented to
the eye of faith, as crying out on this festal day, "If any
man thirst, let him come unto me and drink; he that be-
lieveth on me, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living
water." These rivers did, indeed, flow from heart to
heart. The gift of victorious faith was given to many,
not only for themselves but others. A clear light shone
on these truths, "They that are in Christ are new crea-
tures, old things are passed away, and all things become
The blood of Jesus Christ cleanseth from all sin.'
The whole soul, with every faculty, shall be so brought
into subjection to Christ, as to feel, I live not, but Christ liveth
in me!
new.
""
Some portion of this river seemed now to reach me
also. The means of grace were as marrow to my soul;
and often these words were applied, If thou canst believe,
all things are possible to him that believeth. But I could
not believe so as to give up my whole heart to the Lord.
I knew him mine, but other things had yet life in me,
though not dominion over me. I was now assured the
44
[PART I.
THE LIFE OF
blessing of sanctification, (or, in other words, an heart
entirely renewed,) could not be received but by simple
✓ and naked faith :* and my soul groaned out its desire in
these words,
✓
"That mighty faith on me bestow,
Which cannot ask in vain;
Which bolds, and will not let thee go
Till I my suit obtain.'
One day as a few of us were praying together at bro-
I
ther Gilford's, we were so drawn out that we were,
think, four hours engaged, when I really thought we had
not been above one; and this was frequently the case with
us. Another day as I was at a meeting for prayer at a
friend's house, when we had continued some time, I
seemed as if I had lost all. Deep discouragement seized
my spirit; but I wrestled on, and was as in an agony to
love God with all my heart. Brother Gilford was praying
for me, when in a moment I felt a calmness overspread
my spirit, and by faith I laid hold on Jesus as my full Sa-
viour. I said in my heart, Thy will be done! Thy will be
done! and in that I felt my rest. In the same moment
Brother Gilford changed prayer into praise, telling the
Lord, He had heard and answered; He had set me at
liberty, and now he would praise him. This surprised
me, as I had not given the least sign, by either word or
motion, of what I had felt within. He concluded his
prayer with that act of praise. He asked me how I felt
myself? I answered, I could not fully tell, but that I
found that the love of the will of God had brought an un-
speakable peace into my soul; but that I did not feel joy;
only a rest in that thought, the Lord reigneth, and His will
shall be done. As I was walking home, I found the pre-
*By simple faith, I mean, taking God at his word without reasoning; and
by naked faith, I mean, stripped of every other dependence, but on Christ
alone.
PART 1.]
45
MRS. FLETCHER.
sence of the Lord to be with me.
He seemed to say,
Round thee and beneath thee are spread the everlasting arms.
I felt they were so, and my faith seemed to gather strength
continually.
Yet for some days I was much exercised with tempta-
tion, and continually accused, that I had thought, said, or
done, something amiss.* But after a little time I found a
more solid rest; and sensibly felt my will and affections
were fixed on God, and most powerfully was I penetrated
with these words:
"Their daily delight shall be in his name,
'They shall, as their right, His righteousness claim.
His righteousness wearing, and cleans'd by his blood,
Bold shall they appear in the presence of God!"
One night I awaked with much of the presence of God,
when those words were powerfully applied, Thou shalt
call thy walls salvation, and thy gates praise. That pro-
mise also dwelt on my mind-In returning and rest shall
ye be saved; in quietness and confidence shall be thy strength.
I believe what I felt at this season was a low degree of
pure love; or what we call a clean heart. But though
it was in a small degree, yet did it evidence itself by a
mighty change. I had many temptations, and not much
joy. Yet did I never feel any thing contrary to love;
and in the temptations with which I was attacked, I felt
a great difference. Satan never attempted to draw my
affections, neither to move me to anger, for there I could
have answered him, Thou hast nothing in me;† but I was
followed with such a sense of sorrow as I cannot express.
The fear of living to fall from grace, and sin against God,
tore me at intervals, for some minutes, as one on a rack,
Then a turn of the eye by faith on Jesus, would make my
enemies flee. Another cause of sorrow was-something,
* A strong mark of the reality of the work. Ed.
His strength lay in applying the law to a conscience so tender. Ed
46
PART L.]
THE LIFE OF
As I ob-
I am at a loss to describe, but it seemed most exquisite
feelings were opened in my soul, such as I never knew
before. If I saw, or heard of the consequences of sin, I
was ready to die! For instance-If in the street, I saw
a child ill used, or slighted by the person who seemed to
have the care of it, or a poor person sweating under an
uncommonly heavy burden; or if I saw a horse, or a dog,
oppressed or wounded, it was more than I could bear. I
seemed to groan and travail in birth, as it were, for the
whole creation. Yet notwithstanding all these painful
feelings, I had a solid peace. I always felt I committed
my all to Jesus, and I lived on his faithfulness.
served before, anger seemed in my soul to know its place
no more. Neither did I find an attachment to any crea-
ture, or thing, but such as reflected from the will of God.
Such a sense of purity dwelt on my soul, as I can hardly
describe. I often felt the power of those words, Unto the
pure all things are pure. I sometimes thought, I should
not care if my breast was as a window, and if every
thought was without a covering to man, as it was to God.
A little degree of heavenly wisdom, was also let down
into my heart. Being fixed on a solid rock, I was not so
easily shaken; and those words were powerfully applied,
"Thou shalt not be afraid for any evil tidings, for thy
heart standeth fast, believing in the Lord." But above
all, I felt such a simplicity, such a hanging on the Lord
Jesus, that self seemed annihilated, and Jesus was my all.
The nothing into which I felt myself sunk, and the great
salvation I seemed to possess in Jesus, were such as I
cannot explain. I used often to say, it appears to me
that unbelief cannot find a place in my soul to set its foot
upon. And indeed it could not; for slavish fear seemed
quite cast out. I could say, "I live not, but Christ liveth
in me, and the life which I now live in the flesh, I live
by faith in the Son of God." I was truly nothing, and
all my salvation came through faith in the Son of God.
He was my soul's delight; and I felt if I could have.
PART I.]
47
MRS. FLETCHER.
been saved any other way, I would not have accepted it.
O how often was that word in my mouth and heart!
Having done all, by faith I stand,
And give the praise, O Lord, to thee;
Thy holy arm, thy own right hand
Hath got thyself the victory."
All this time the Lord kept me, as to outward things, like
an infant in its mother's arms. I put in practice my
first
resolution, and had no other thought but of devoting my-
self to God in a single life: only I remember I sometimes
thought, were I to be married to Mr. Fletcher, would
he not be rather an help, than an hinderance to my soul?
But it was only a thought, and had arisen from what some
friends said to me on the subject.
As I desired to be the Lord's, and to spend all I had to
his glory, I sometimes carried this desire too far, and did
not allow myself quite what was needful. My exercises
were greater than I had been used to, and I was seized
with a complaint in my bowels. I thought if I had some
spice boiled in water, and Port wine with it, it would help
me, but I was unwilling to get it. However, my Heavenly
Father took care for that. He knows what we have need
of before we ask, for at that very time a relation called
and brought me a quantity of spice as a present; and the
very next day my father called in his chariot, and brought
me a hamper of Port wine, neither of them knowing any
thing of my wants! I therefore received it as immedi-
ately from the Lord. And I could give a variety of in-
stances of the same nature. It seemed I could hardly
think of a thing, but it was brought to me. O how true
is that promise, "What is given up for God, shall be re-
stored manifold in this present life. Before the Lord
*Who can deny this great salvation, without denying the truth and
power of God? But oh! how few seek it! Ed.
At that time Mr. Wesley's Assistant in London.
48
[PART I.
THE LIFE OF, &c.
made me to wander from my father's house, a particular
person used to upbraid me with that reflection, "You
will soon find the difference between your father's house,
and such poking holes as you will live in.-There you
will not have one inch but the common street; whereas
you have been used to large and fine gardens, in which
you much delighted. And how tired you will be of such
trash as you provide, instead of the plentiful provision of
his table. Before you have lived so for six months, I will
engage you will wish yourself back again, and your reli-
gion out of the way."
But was it so? O Lord, thou knowest! "Thou didst
feed me as with the finest wheat flour, and with water
out of the stoney rock did thou satisfy me." All I could
want, all I could desire was bountifully supplied. When
I have sometimes been reflecting on my situation, inward
and outward, I have remembered that word, The meek
shall inherit the earth. Glory be to thee, O Lord, Thou
hast meekened my spirit, and Thou makest me to pos-
sess all things. Often I have said in amazement-What
can I fear? I have no desire : the will of God swallows
up all! My Jesus and my all! my Jesus and my all for
ever!
END OF THE FIRST PART.
PART THE SECOND.
Her removal to Layton-stone.
I EXPERIENCED daily more and more of the tender
care of the Almighty; and often felt those words with
power,
"No fondest parent's anxious breast,
Yearns like thy God's to make thee blest."
Every want was supplied before I could ask it; nay, ma-
ny times before I was conscious of the want. My maid
was but dull and ignorant, though a good girl; and I knew
little more of the world than she did, having been used
to so different a way of life. My health, and many con-
cerns needed a care I did not know how to take. But if
at any
time such an idea would offer to my mind, I checked
it in a moment with that thought—I have the Gospel. I
have freedom to serve God; I have spiritual blessings.
What more can I need? and truly, I rather saw than felt
my wants. Nevertheless, now and then, I have said,
Would not a steady faithful friend be a great advantage
to me ?-One who could lead me into a deeper acquaint-
ance with God. But I sought it not; all my cares on
Him were cast, and in His will I found my resting-place,
and in quietness and confidence was my strength.
At this juncture, I received a letter from Mrs. Ryan,
informing me she was coming up to London. She had
left Bristol Room some time before, her health not per-
5
50
[PART II.
THE LIFE OF
mitting her to continue in that place. She informed me
she was settled in a lodging, but she saw it her duty to
"for I
come up to London a few months for my sake;
reap (said she) of your substance, and so do many ; but
the Lord shows me that at present you suffer for the want
of a friend, (referring to what I had written to her,) and
I think he has ripened and confirmed that solid spark of
friendship, which was so long ago kindled in our breasts
towards each other. It seems to me as if the Lord had
laid your burden on me, as he once committed the care
of Mary to Joseph, and afterward to the favoured disci-
ple." She concluded-
"Jesus, to thy preserving care,
My choicest blessing I commend;
Receive, and on thy bosom bear,
The soul whom thou hast made my friend."
I spread my friend's letter before the Lord, and praised
him for laying my burden on the heart of one, whom I
knew to be a favourite of Heaven. I answered, that I
should be very glad to see her. She had not been long
at her sister's before she was seized with a violent disor-
der, which we thought would end in death. I visited her
often, and with much profit. Mrs. M. being taken ill also,
and only one servant to attend them both, I believed it
my duty to be with her night and day; and the Lord gave
me such strength and ability for it, as I had never found
before. I felt his peculiar smile on my employment, and
those words, which had formerly made such an impression
on my mind, were now continually before me,
"O that my Lord would count me meet
To wash his dear disciples' feet;
After my lowly Lord to go,
And wait upon his saints below;
Enjoy the grace to angels given,
And serve the royal heirs of heaven."
PART II.]
51
MRS. FLETCHER.
As she slept little, we conversed much, and our hearts
were united as David and Jonathan's. The spirit of
community which reigned in the church at Jerusalem, I
felt a taste of; and from that time to her death, the cold
words of mine and thine, were never known between us.
A circumstance which now occurred unexpectedly con-
strained her to remove. I took her home with me, but
not till I had inquired of the Lord, well knowing how
much the progress of the divine life depends on our
private connexions. Unless much caution is used be-
tween persons living together, they are often a great
hinderance to each other.
After a time the Lord was pleased to restore her to
health; and having one heart, one mind, and one purse,
we agreed that one habitation also would be most profit-
able. The Lord had given us to feel that union which
even death itself could not dissolve. I have often thought
on those words of Solomon, "A faithful friend is the
medicine of life, and he that fears the Lord shall find
him." Some however objected-" Your income is as
yet but small; you wish to be useful; why then did you
not choose, as a friend, one who had some fortune to
unite with your own, and that might have enlarged your
sphere?" I answered, I did not choose at all. I stood
still, saw, and followed the order of God. And if my
means had been enlarged in money, and lessened in
grace, what should I have gained by that? I acknow-
ledge I neither gained honour, gold, nor indulgence to
the flesh, by uniting myself to a sickly persecuted saint;
but I gained such a spiritual helper as I shall eternally
praise God for. Many are the advocates of friendship.
Many will say, with Dr. Young.
"Poor is the friendless master of a world.
A world in purchase for a friend is gain."
But they refuse the sacrifice demanded by that friend-
ship, and forget the following lines,
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[PART IL.
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"But, for whom blossoms this elysian flower?
Can gold gain friendship? Impudence of hope!
As well mere man an angel might beget,
Love, and love only, is the loan for love.
Delusive pride repress-
Nor hope to find a friend, but who hath found
A friend in thee.”
When
We continued together at Hoxton some time.
I was about twenty-three, the people of Layton-stone
were much laid on my mind. I had both my birth
and maintenance from that place, and I could not help
thinking I owed something to their souls. Yet I saw the
way very difficult. My parents permitted me to be of-
ten with them, and seemed pretty well reconciled to my
manner of life, while at a distance. But how, thought I,
will it appear in their eyes, to bring the preachers they
so much object to, within a mile of their house? I
thought I should not now be called to offend them any
further. Cannot the Lord, if he sees good, send the
Gospel to those people some other way? Thus I put it
from my mind again and again; yet a strange love for
those souls in that place would spring up in my heart;
and when I said, Lord, send by whom thou wilt send, but
not by me! Those words again presented themselves,
"He that loveth father or mother more than me, is not
worthy of me."
About this time a house of my own at Layton-stone,
became untenanted. My friend as well as myself saw
many reasons for our removing to that place. We
prayed much about it, and I asked the Lord to show us
clearly his will; and at length felt from the Lord, First,
A liberty to believe, that if my father did absolutely for-
bid my coming, I was not required to do it. Secondly, I
knew God did not require impossibilities: I had not yet
an income sufficient for living in that place. I asked,
therefore, as a further mark, the settling an affair, which
kept me out of part of my fortune, occasioned by a flaw
in the making of my grandmother's will. I had taken
part II.]
53
MRS. FLETCHER.
some pains about this affair before, but to no purpose.
However I slightly mentioned it again, and it was settled
directly. Then I made known to my father my thought
about living at Layton-stone. I used no deception; but
told him plainly the end I proposed in so doing, my mo-
ther being present. He made not the least objection,
only added with a smile, "If a mob should pull your
house about your ears, I cannot hinder them." We
waited before the Lord, believing it was his call, and
held ourselves in readiness for immediate obedience.
One night I dreamed I was in one of my houses there,
in company with all kinds of people, rich and poor, most
of whom appeared very ungodly. It was strongly im-
pressed on my mind to speak to them, but I started from
the thought, and said with emotion, Lord, what do I here
among this people; for they are not thy people, and
what am I to do with them? I then beheld the Lord
Jesus stand as just before me. The awful majesty of his
presence had such an effect on me as I cannot express!
It seemed to me I sunk down before him as if I were
sweetly melting into nothing. I saw. no shining bright-
ness, or any thing dazzling to the eye. He appeared
only as a man clothed in white; yet to my mind there
was what I cannot put into words. It was a sense of his
purity! It was the glory of holiness which so overcame
ine! There seemed but about one yard distance be-
tween my Saviour and me-when he spake with a voice
clear and distinct these words, "I will send thee to a
people, that are not a people, and I will go with thee.
Bring them unto me, for I will lay my hand upon them
and heal them. Fear not, only believe!"
When the immediate presence of my Lord was with-
drawn, I thought that I repeated, with tears, to the peo-
ple what he had spoken to me. Many mocked and
derided; but a few expressed a desire of being separated
from the others to hear the word. I endeavoured to find
a place to meet them in, and in order to do so, I was con-
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strained to walk over a piece of building, where the floor
did not seem thicker than a wafer. When I had passed
it, I looked back, and said-not a splinter has given way
under my feet. Turning my face towards the lane, I saw
a funeral, and awaked with that word powerfully applied,
The mouth of the Lord hath spoken it. I found myself in
a sweet delightful peace. Soul and body seemed all
attracted into a divine harmony. When sufficiently come
to myself to speak, I told sister Ryan, (who slept with
me,) all that had passed. She replied "This night,
both sleeping and waking, I have been much occupied
with these words-I will go before you, and humble the
great ones of the earth."
This was in the year sixty-three. On March the 24th
the same year, we removed to Layton-stone. From the
first hour we found much of the presence of God; and
stood still to see his salvation. In order to supply the
want of public means, (which we could not have but
when we went to London,) we agreed to spend an hour
every night together in spiritual reading and prayer. A
poor woman with whom I had formerly talked, came to
ask if she might come in, when we made prayer? We
told her, at seven every Thursday-night she should be
welcome. She soon brought two or three more, and
they others, till in a short time our little company in-
creased to twenty-five. One night, just before the time
of meeting, a poor woman called with a basket of cakes
to sell. On our refusing to buy any, she stood still a
long time at the gate. We began to converse with her
about her soul, when she expressed a great desire to stay
the meeting, and in so doing was so greatly blest, that
she would fain have left us part of her goods in return.
We now thought it would be well to converse with each
in particular, and that the time was come for it. Some
few were offended, and came no more; but most appear-
ed under conviction, and those we appointed to meet on
Tuesday-night, reserving the Thursday for the public
PART II.]
55
MRS. FLETCHER.
meeting, which still kept increasing, and in which we
read a chapter, and sometimes spoke from it.
The first time we met on the Tuesday-night, two were
set at liberty. We now thought it expedient to apply to
Mr. Wesley for a preacher. He approved our plan, and
sent Mr. Murlin the next Sunday; and within a fortnight,
we had twenty-five joined in society. Much opposition
now arose from all sides, (though more from the rich
than the poor,) and one Thursday-night, as I was speak-
ing to a pretty large company in my own kitchen, the bell
at the fore-gate was rung very hard. Our servant, who
was a pious woman, went to see who was there. In the
mean time, four shabby-looking men, with great sticks in
their hands, came in at the back-door, and so into the
kitchen. The servant soon returned with some emotion,
and whispered me, "It is Mr. W. who is come to inform
you, you must, if you please, break off, for here is a
great mob coming; and the ringleaders are four men
with clubs." Turning to the people I answered her
aloud, “O, we do not mind mobs, when we are about
our Master's business." Greater is he that is for us, than
all that can be against us. I then went on till I had con-
cluded my subject. Having a few of the rules of the
society, which I intended to disperse that night, I
addressed myself first to the four men, who stood before
me, explaining what they were, and asked if they would
choose to accept one? They received them with a
respectful bow, and went out. Who they were, and
what was their purpose, I know not to this day.
heard no more of the mob. At this time the hand of the
Lord was much with us, supporting and comforting us
under every trial. There was only my friend Ryan,
myself, the maid, and Sally Lawrence, a child about four
years old, whom I had just before taken from the side of
her mother's coffin into our house. On one side it
was open to the forest, and I know not that of the
awakened people lived within a mile of us.
one
We
We were
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as on a desert alone, but the Lord was with us, and pre-
served us beneath his love's almighty shade. The enemy
came, however, to the length of his chain. Sometimes
on Sundays, when the nights were dark, after the society
meeting, a mob used to collect at the gate, and throw dirt
at the people as they went out; and when they were
gone, they used to come into the yard, break some trifles
they found there, and putting up their faces to a window
which had no shutters, roar and howl like wild beasts.
And now another dispensation was opening before us.
From the time I was seventeen, some drawings towards
the care of children had dwelt on my mind. I felt the
same desire now as at that time, to become in every sense
a servant of the church. Those words were still with
me, “If she hath lodged strangers; if she hath brought
up children; if she have relieved the afflicted; and
diligently followed after every good work." Yet I was
truly sensible no work was good but as being done in the
will and order of God. We therefore entreated the
Lord to discover to us all his sacred will from day to day,
and not suffer us in any degree to err therefrom.
Various leadings of Providence, both inward and out-
ward, drew us to think of the rising generation with more
than common tenderness. Our abilities were small; yet
perhaps a few children we could educate, without inter-
rupting the order of God in our call towards the grown
people. We determined, however, to take none but
destitute orphans, that no one might interrupt our plan
of education. We were not unconscious, that to change
the heart belongs to God, but at the same time we remem-
bered, there was a blessing promised to "the training up
a child in the way it should go," and that a degree of
knowledge, with a capacity of getting their bread in an
honest way, has under God rescued many from destruc-
tion. Some such objects now presented themselves, and
we received them, one after another, in the name of the
Lord. We however refused many, taking only those con-
PART II.]
57
MRS. FLETCHER.
cerning whom there appeared a particular call of Pre-
vidence.
For a good while our family consisted of one servant,
six orphans, and ourselves; but we found it took up too
much of our time to have the whole care of them alone;
especially as my friend Ryan was often confined by illness.
We therefore took a pious young woman, named Ann
Tripp, who desired to devote herself to God, in a closer
walk than the generality of believers. She was placed
as governess over the children, whose number continued
to increase. Some serious women also were added to
our household, and each had their duties and employments
assigned them. In the whole we received thirty-five
children, and thirty-four grown persons, but not all at
one time.
We now found work enough on our hands, and wished
to free ourselves from all needless cares. As well there-
fore to answer that end, as to avoid conformity to the
world, we thought it best to have but one dress.
We
fixed on a dark purple cotton, of which we had many
pieces stamped; and ourselves, with the whole family,
wore nothing else. We had a large hall, and in it a table
five yards long, at which we ate together. There also
we assembled for morning and evening devotion, and on
several other occasions. But in general the children
were in the nursery, and the other sisters in their own
apartments.
When my family began thus to increase, I must
acknowledge, it was by no means proportionate to my
income, but it appeared to me I had a peculiar call from
the Lord to take the steps I did; and we began with a
degree of the same spirit which is expressed in a book,
entitled "The Footsteps of Divine Providence ;" giving
an account of the Orphan-house at Halle, in Germany,
raised by Professor Francke.
This plan I would advise no one to follow, unless they
felt what I did, for certainly justice goes before charity;
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[PART II.
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and there is very seldom a real call from God to give
more than we have. But it must be observed, though
my income was inadequate to the undertaking, I had a
considerable capital. So that I was not at present in
danger of debt. The risk I ran was, of spending my
capital, and being left without a maintenance. But the
Lord seemed to assure me I should not thus be deserted,
and that by many and various ways.
We now set ourselves to inquire of the Lord, how we
should train up these children to his glory; and a few
out of many reflections which occurred to my mind, I
will endeavour to set down. But I must observe, first,
as most of our children were naked, full of vermin, and
some afflicted with distempers, the first thing was to clean
and clothe them, and attend to their health; which
usually was followed with much success. At the same time,
we endeavoured to bring them to an outward conformity
of manners with the rules of the house, and to some cour-
tesy of behaviour. This was not difficult, as a child natu-
The second at-
rally falls in with what it sees in others.
tempt was to fix on their minds, that we had no motives in
receiving them into our house, but that of love; love to
their souls and bodies. We wished to save their bodies
from misery, and their souls from eternal destruction.
With respect to the strangers, we endeavoured to lead
them to a view of the love of God, observing it was his
love which caused ours. He put it into our heart, he
brought them in our way, and from His hand came their
every blessing. That the end of the Lord in bringing
them into our house, was, to learn that great truth, that
they should never die. Their bodies must die, and rest
in the grave; but they themselves would be for ever
alive, and hear, see, think, and know; feel pleasure, or
pain, and that for ever. We inculcated, that the end of
their learning this lesson, was to make them happy, and
to prevent their being miserable, since in a very short
PART II.]
59
MRS. FLETCHER.
space of time they must enter into the one or the other
state, and that to all eternity.
We continually impressed on the minds of the chil-
dren, that the only way to be happy was to be like God;
to love what he loved, and to hate what he hated; but.
that was not their present state. They were now like
the devil, and loved what he loved. If they were injured,
they loved to revenge, and could hardly forget the offence
any one offered them. When angry, they would cry, and
sob, and be almost choked; but when did they find them-
selves so affected, in thinking about the Lord Jesus? Did
His love and sufferings come again and again to their mind,
so that they could not forget them? And when did they
cry and sob, because they had sinned against so good a
God? It was plain, therefore, they were as yet the de-
vil's children, and their minds and affections obeyed him
only. We therefore declared, that whenever we saw
these marks of the devil's power on their hearts, we would
tell them of it; but if they would still obey him rather
than God, we would then add unto our words correction ;
making them feel pain, that the impression might be strong
and more lasting; and that they must never resent nor re-
sist those corrections, for it was more painful for us to
give, than it could be for them to receive them. But
seeing it was for their profit, and our duty to do it, they
must take each correction not only with patience, but
thankfulness; for we should make it a point of con-
science, never to correct, or even to contradict them, but
with consideration and prayer, having always that lesson
before our eyes,
"That mercy I to others show,
That mercy show to me."
19
Nor were these observations altogether without fruit
for I do not remember one child I ever had, that if we
ordered her to receive correction by the rod, (which was
not often,) would not lie down in silence as a lamb, and
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afterward, yea, immediately after, come and kiss us. We
observed that all our instructions would avail them nothing,
unless their hearts were changed; and that none but Je-
sus Christ could do that, but He was ready and willing,
and assuredly would do it, if they cried to him for it.
From the above hints, various occasions presented to
point out the nature of salvation through Christ alone,
and the necessity of a renewed nature, in order to be ca-
pable of the enjoyment of Heaven.
One day a little beggar girl, whom we had taken in
about a week before, showed some of the vicious dispo-
sitions which had been nursed up in her by evil company.
On repetition, she received correction. When the chil-
dren were alone, (as they thought,) she began to com-
plain of her hard fate, saying, "If they love us, why do
they whip us?" A little one, about six years old, replied,
Why, it is because they love us, and it is to make us
remember what a sad thing sin is; and God would be an-
gry with them if they did not do so. Do you not remem-
ber the chapter my mistress read about Eli ?" Indeed I
had various proofs that it is not so hard a thing to con-
vince the judgment of children as some may think; and a
right judgment is a good step towards right affections.
As we intended them to work for their bread, either as
servants, or in little trades, we endeavoured as early as
possible to inure them to labour, early rising, and clean-
liness. The eldest of the children arose between four
and five, the younger not much later. At half an hour
after six, we had family prayer. At seven, we breakfasted
together on herb tea, or milk porridge. The small chil-
dren then went into the garden till eight. At eight the
bell rang for school, which continued till twelve. Then,
after a few minutes spent in prayer, they came down to
us; at which time we either walked out with them, or if
the weather did not permit, we found them some employ-
ment in the house, endeavouring at the same time to give
them both instruction and recreation. We invented va-
PART II.]
61
MRS. FLETCHER.
rious employments for those hours, in order to remove
the appearance of idleness, as from the first we endea-
voured to impress that lesson on their minds-" An idle
person is the devil's cushion, on which he rolls at plea-
sure." Likewise, that in the choice of their employments,
they should always prefer those that were most useful,
and be always able to render a reason for every thing they
did. At one we dined; about two the bell rang again for
school, and at five they returned to us, and were employ-
ed as before till supper-time. Then after family prayer,
they were washed, and put to bed by eight. Four or five
of the bigger girls were each week kept out of the school
by turns, and employed in house-work, cooking, &c. that
they might be accustomed to every sort of business; and
there was work enough in so large a family. Several of
the children were very young, though I do not remember
we had any under two years, except one of about a month
old, which was laid, very neatly dressed, one night late
at our door; but it lived only a fortnight, being full of
humours, too probably derived from its parents.
We now found great need of wisdom and patience.
We had, I think, never more than ten grown persons in
the family at one time, who were not invalids; nor do I
ever remember above five or six altogether in health.
The children also for the first few years, laboured under
various disorders; for we did not refuse either old or
young on account of being sick and helpless: in the end
all recovered who came in infirm. We sometimes had
much to do, for the care of the sick, the management of
eighteen or twenty children, with various meetings, and
the needful attention to the work of God in a new raised
society; with the reception of the number of strangers
who visited us on spiritual accounts, occasioned those of
us, who had the work of God at heart, a good deal of la-
bour and suffering.
Various reproaches now began to roll upon us. It was
reported that we intended to bring up these children for
6
62
[PART II.
THE LIFE OF
میگه
nuns. That we were too rigid and exact to our own rules.
Some objected, It is all carnal wisdom; you cannot change
their hearts, and education will only make them more
guilty before God. Others, that we were idle, and bu-
ried ourselves alive, because we did not live at London.
But the reproach that came the nearest to me was this-
She talks of the poverty of the holy Jesus; (alluding to a
little book I had printed,) let us see her work at a trade
as he did, and that would make her fortune go further.
Would any one with such a capital live only on the inter-
est, when by trade they might double it every year ?
Several came and talked with me on the subject; saying,
If you do not go into some business, you will be brought
to the parish in your old age. I replied, I understand no
business; and I fear to lose what I have, instead of in-
creasing it. They replied again, Then ask light of them
who do understand it.
Take some partner, let such have
the care, and you find the money. I was wearied with
letters and disputes on this head. However, I laid it be-
fore the Lord; and felt I was willing, if it would glorify
him, to sweep the kennels. It may seem strange why
any thus interfered in our affairs; but our undertaking
was new, and quite out of the common way. This drew
all sorts of company, of various sects and denominations.
Some loved me, and wished to bring me over to what they
thought the better way. Others were moved by curi-
osity; some by the love of dispute, others by interest,
offering their assistance; and some, perhaps, by that
spirit which the seed of the serpent will always manifest.
But another, and perhaps the chief reason was, I believe,
the order of a wise and gracious Providence. I was called
to walk wholly by faith; indeed it appeared a strange call,
and humanly speaking, could end no way but in a prison.
I was therefore permitted to have every kind of discou-
ragement, and to be brought into many and deep perplex-
ities, that the faithfulness of God might shine more con-
spicuous, as will be seen in the sequel,
PART II.]
63
MRS. FLETCHER.
But to return to the children. When actual sin was
committed at any time, (minor faults were generally
overlooked,) it was set down on paper by sister Tripp,
and presented in a meeting held every Friday at twelve
o'clock. The whole family were called together at that
time, and after praying for the light and presence of the
Lord, we entered into a consultation how to prevent a
relapse into the same crime; and that the displeasure of
the Almighty might be removed, we always endeavoured
to make our reasons appear clear before we either ac-
quitted or condemned. Very frequently there appeared
a spirit of repentance, so that the exhortation was follow-
ed by forgiveness. We then spent some time together
in a family meeting, of which I will speak more particu-
larly in another place.
One day a sweet little child about seven years old
(who I hope at this time both fears and loves God,) had
stolen something. We consulted what must be done to
prevent a repetition of her sin. At these times we al-
ways adapted our conversation to the capacity of the little
criminal. One said, I have read in the Bible, that the
offending member ought to be cut off, and cast away. This
gave rise to several useful reflections; after which we
agreed there were but three ways, either to cut off the
offender from the family, or to pray to God to bring her
to repentance, or leave her in her sins. After some
conversation with her, the second was agreed on; and we
joined in prayer that the Lord would graciously interpose,
and save her. The meeting being that day in the evening.
instead of the usual time, as soon as it was over, they
were sent up to be washed, in order to go to bed. (This
was on June the seventh, 1764.) Betty Lawrence,
about eleven years old, had been much affected while
we were talking to H. O. the child above-mentioned.
She had shown some concern a few days before, when I
was speaking of the spirituality of the commandments.
The children being alone, and not knowing they were
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overheard, Betty said, "Let us pray for Hannah's soul” !—
She then prayed in a very affecting manner. Afterward
one, about eight years old, pleaded much for the forgive-
ness of Hannah's sin; but added, Lord, do not let us think
so much about her sin, as to forget our own. Lord, do
not let us laugh and trifle, and talk of foolish things as
soon as we rise off our knees; but make us Christians.
Another then thanked God for their good corrections and
teachings, and said, If we are not Christians, we shall be
more punished than others. After some time sister Tripp
went in to see them to bed; but first went to prayer with
them for a few minutes. The spirit of conviction now
fell on Betty Lawrence in an extraordinary manner.
We came up, and found her in a great agony; she was
the very picture of terror. The veins of her neck were
as if they would burst. She wrung her hands, and cried
with a bitter cry, O my sins! O my sins! I believe more
than an hundred times. She then broke out into such a
confession of her original corruption and actual sins as
quite amazed us; adding, Oh! I have never done any
thing to please thee in all my life. I have broken all thy
laws;
I have not kept thy commandments; Lord, I have
kept the devil's commandments! May such a wretch
come to thee, Lord? Wilt thou receive me, Lord? Wilt
thou pardon me? Wilt thou make me a Christian? Tell
me, Lord, shall I go to heaven or hell? Tell me, Lord,
shall I go to heaven or hell? Wilt thou make me a
Christian? Wilt thou pardon all my sins? She then paused
awhile, her eyes fixed upwards, and her face as in a
flame; then added, but with a softer voice, Yes, he will, he
will! But wilt thou, Lord? Yes, thou wilt, thou wilt! Mr.
Dornford being that night with us, gave out a hymn; she
now seemed quite calm. The horror which before ap-
peared on her countenance was gone, and had left a sweet
smile. After remaining some time in this posture, she
said, Jesus is smiling upon me! She afterward told us, she
had a view as of Christ on the cross, smiling upon her
PART II.]
65
MRS. FLETCHER.
and saying, "I have pardoned all your sins, and if you
pray, I will give you abundant love." She then broke
out, Oh! what a sweet Saviour he is! He hath forgiven
me all my sins! All, all, Lord! Thou hast, thou wilt for-
give them. But, O Lord, let them be perfectly forgiven.
But shall I ever sin again? Shall I ever sin again? Oh!
do not let me sin again-O! what a sweet Saviour thou
art! What sweet love is thine! Oh! more such love as
thine! More such love as thine! But do not let me sin
again! Fill me with love, that I may not sin again! We
were the more surprised at all this, because she was a
child of a remarkably dull apprehension, and had no
liberty in expressing herself on any subject. But striking
as the scene was (far more so than I can describe,) it was
nothing to the change that followed. She was naturally
of a very bad temper, but now, it might indeed be said,
"Love made her willing feet
In swift obedience move."
So great was the change in both understanding and will,
as plainly declared the hand that had wrought it.
The Lord was pleased at this season to give his word
success both among the people who attended the preach-
ing, and in the family. But our house was too strait, and
needed some enlargement, and a good deal of repairs. It
therefore occurred to my mind, as we had so many visit-
ants, to take another step, and put up a poor's box, like
Professor Francke, in Germany. But I found some diffi-
culty. I thought my relations will object to it; and, in
short, I found it more easy to give than to receive. But
I saw the order of God in the plan, and that was enough.
Accordingly we put it up in the hall, with this inscription,
"For the maintenance of a few poor orphans, that they
may be brought up in the fear of the Lord." Difficulties
now began to gather as clouds about us. Workmen must
be paid; a family far too large for my income, to sup-
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port; with a variety of expenses in carrying on the work,
assisting their poverty, &c. One day it was suggested,
Surely I am wrong; God will not appear for me in this
undertaking. I told my mind to some friends, who said,
"This is the very thing we always saw; you will find in
the end it is all a delusion. In two or three years, you
will turn out all these people and children to the wide
world; and in your old age, you will be without the ne-
cessaries of life." I heard them with attention, and only
replied, "If it be a delusion, I meant well, believing it to
be the will of God."
I carried it to the Lord in prayer, when the following
thoughts were impressed on my mind. If Christ was now
upon earth, and in want of food and raiment, should I be
afraid to give him mine, for fear of wanting it myself?
Should I not rather say, Let all I have be brought out as
a sacrifice to my Lord; he is well able to repay me ; and´
if he do not see it best so to do, then let us suffer together.
I saw the case with the poor was the same, (as far as he
had called me to help them,) and that my Lord had said,
Inasmuch as ye have done it unto them, ye have done it unto
me! Here a light broke into my mind, which quite sa-
tisfied me, and dispelled every cloud. I cried out,
"Lord, thy will is enough! Thou hast bid me love my
neighbour as myself, be it so. Their wants be mine; my
substance theirs." Rising from my knees, I took up the
Bible, when opening on Job, the xxii, v. 23, I found from
that verse, to the end of the chapter, several parts come
"If thou return to the Al-
as a message from Heaven.
Thou shalt put away
Then shalt thou lay
mighty, thou shalt be built up.
iniquity far from thy tabernacles.
up gold as the dust, and the gold of Ophir, as the stones
of the brook. Yea, the Almighty shall be thy defence,
and thou shalt have plenty of silver. Thou shalt decree
a thing, and it shall be established unto thee; and the
light shall shine on thy path." These words were wrote
PART II.]
67
MRS. FLETCHER.
as with a diamond pen on my heart; and in all my trials,
I could never give up the confidence I then received,
that I should one day see them accomplished.
Sister Ryan one day said to me, "We shall have such
a sum to pay on Saturday-night. Had we not better bor-
row it of such a friend, till your half year comes in ?"
We attempted so to do, but were disappointed. Being
on my knees at prayer, I opened a book before me on
"Christ
the table, and cast my eyes on these words,
charges himself with all your temporal affairs, while you
charge yourself with those which relate to his glory." I
closed my eyes, and continued praying; when to the eye
of my mind, it seemed as if the Lord Jesus stood just by
me, and spoke again those words to my heart, with such
a power as wiped away every care. Before I got off my
knees, I was called down to speak to a man, who asked
for me; and who, through a providence too long to repeat,
brought me just the sum I wanted.
The box began now to be helpful to us; and this year
in the midst of our great expenses, an uncle gave me twe
hundred and fifty guineas. Once, on opening the box,
we found a guinea wrapped up in a letter, its contents
were as follows :--
CC
'My dear child,
"With much pleasure I have heard of your cha
ritable undertaking, which I pray God to bless and, to
succeed. Be never discouraged; though divine Provi-
dence should exercise you at times, even with many great
and alarming difficulties; for this is frequently the way in
which God leads his children, in order to prove their
faith and patience. But even supposing he should not
succeed this affair, according to your present plan, yet he
will never fail to bless those who sincerely endeavour to
promote his honour, the kingdom of the Lord Jesus, and
the good of souls. I desire you will accept the inclosed,
and that you would set me down an annual contributor of
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[PART II.
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the same sum. May the Lord Jesus Christ be with all
of us! Forget us not in your prayers.
"I am, with respect and regard,
"Your very affectionate friend,
"V. P."
In another paper was a guinea inclosed, with these
words" I have felt your burden, and should be thank-
ful you had more help. But perhaps it is the will of
God concerning you, to give you day by day your daily
bread. I pray him to be with you."
Indeed we daily experienced many mercies. We had
an household as a flock of sheep. Sometimes when we
were sitting down to table, that word would come sweetly
to our minds-
"Part of his family are we,
His family of love."
But above all other temporal goods, I saw the blessing
of my friend Ryan. It would have been impossible for
me to have acted this part alone; I had neither grace
nor ability for it; but the Lord gave her to me, as a
mother. In all the active part of this undertaking, she
was the main spring. It is true, the light in forming the
plans was given to me; but had it not been for her resolu-
tion and diligence, they would never have been brought
into execution. Notwithstanding her ill health, it is
amazing what she went through, both in overlooking and
working with her own hands. She was truly devoted to
God; and though I saw her at that time as a most pre-
cious gift of heaven to me, I was not sufficiently sensible
of her inestimable worth.
About this time a young lady, with whom I had been
acquainted, came to board with us. After residing about
half a year, she had a great desire to make a new will,
in order to leave me a large sum of money; and asked
me to recommend a lawyer to do it, as we then intended
PART II.]
69
MRS. FLETCHER.
to visit Bath. I told her, I could not see it right that she
should do so, as she was at a distance from her relations ;
had not sufficiently proved us; and might afterward
change her mind. But my strongest objection was, she
had told me that in her present will she had left the bulk
of her estate, (which was large) to charitable uses; and
I had no desire to monopolize the riches of another,
since my gracious Lord had given me a ready mind to
part with all that was my own. She had two children
under her care, whom she desired should be brought
into our house; we accordingly received them. Several
other expences we entered into on her account; and she
wrote a codicil to her will, leaving me two thousand
pounds, adding, if she lived to return to her father the
following spring, she should do much more. I freely
consented to the codicil, as I then thought it but reason-
able, my expenses on her account being considerable.
But in October, 1766, she grew suddenly very ill, and
her death seemed near. The codicil then lay much on
our minds. I thought, God's cause may be reproached
through this; and what is two thousand pounds, or two
hundred thousand, when compared to the honour of my
God. Had it been done unknown to me, I should not
have scrupled it. But as I had consented, I thought it
would not be right to let it stand. Sister Ryan thought
the same. We therefore prevailed on her to let us burn
it. She was very unwilling, saying, "Had I lived to
have made my will, I should have given you much more,
for I know God is with you."
She had been some years awakened, and joined to the
Methodist society. After she had found the love of God,
she walked in the way of self-denial and devotedness to
God, according to her clearest light, for some time; and
was in many things a striking pattern. She then sunk
into a state of conflict, God revealing the inbred sin of
her heart, and her spirit being oppressed by a constant
bodily disorder, (supposed to be a polipus in the heart,
70
[PART 11.
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she often lost her shield, and was ready to think she had
never had any work of God on her soul. About four
months before her death, Satan assaulted her with many
temptations. Sister Ryan advised her to take one hour
every day for prayer, whether she should feel power
attend her words or not; adding, My soul for yours, if
you persevere, you shall shortly see the salvation of God.
She received the word as from the Lord, and began the
work in good earnest, but to her own feeling she grew
darker and darker. Nevertheless we could discern a
change. She grew more open, and told us of some snares
which beset her, and which she had even thought of
giving way to, adding, she saw herself worse and worse,
till she was taken with her last illness, which continued
but three days. Her soul seemed then very dark, and
greatly did she lament the loss of that assurance she had
formerly enjoyed. Yet she was not without hope; but
still cried out, "O that I had but lived closer to God!
I see I have not used my privileges as I ought. O what
a work have I now to do! O it is hard work to do in
sickness, it is bad work to do in sickness !" Sister
Ryan said, "My dear, I have no doubt but that God will
finish his work." "O (replied she) but I cannot believe
it, I do not believe it for myself. O sister Ryan, I have
had a thought in my heart,—If I had taken a certain step,
to have laid the blame on you; for I thought, as you are
so much under reproach among the half-hearted, I should
be more readily believed, and now that stares me in the
face." Some time after, she said, "O my soul! my
soul! I do not know where my soul is going!"-Sister
Ryan said, "My dear, I believe the Lord will come to
your help this night ;-I feel such an impression of it, I
think I must sit up and wrestle for you all night." She
looked at her, and was silent. A few minutes after, she
cried out, "O what a sweet word is come to me! I have
not had such a word a long time. When you said you
would stay and wrestle for me all night, I found a little
PART II.]
71.
MRS. FLETCHER.
She
comfort, but now it comes,-The effectual fervent prayer
of a righteous man availeth much. We were greatly
affected, and sat by her in solemn silent prayer.
appeared to continue in a waiting posture for about half
an hour, when she broke out in the following manner,
(but with such a sweet and awful reverence as I cannot
express,) "O now I know I shall be with Christ for ever!
Yes, I shall, I shall come to thee, Lord.-I shall be with
thee for ever! O for ever! for ever! for ever!-Yes!
I shall be with thee for ever!" After recovering her
breath a little, she addressed herself to the young women
who were in the room, exhorting them to know and use
their privileges. "You are (said she) in a good situa-
tion, you will never be in a better. O my dears, be open,
be open! Cover no temptation, and be all in. earnest. I
was a fool, and a double fool, that I did not live closer to
God, and use more self-denial. I see great degrees of
glory I have lost." After a little rest, she said—“O!
how good is God! If I had strength I would write it all.
How vile I have been, and what a salvation I now feel!"
Then turning to me, she added-" But sister Bosanquet,
do it; and I charge you cover nothing; in particular my
unkind thoughts of sister Ryan. I charge you, I charge
you! Well," she added, "I shall see you all in heaven.
I trust I shall see, I know I shall see you there. O take
courage, my dear, take courage; do not be cast down at
the difficulties of your situation. Fear nobody; God
will stand by you. O he will take care of this family."
About ten o'clock at night, she said, "I shall be happy!
I know I shall be as happy as I am capable of being! But
I see great degrees of glory I have stopped short of. O
that I had laid up more treasure in heaven!" She then
cried out, "O my money! my cursed money! what an
account shall I have to give of that! But Jesus has
washed away all." This seemed the more strange, as
she had from the first been a most liberal giver. But she
explained herself to mean, with respect to the choice of
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[PART II.
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objects, which she had laid it out upon. She lamented
much she had not altered her will, saying, "I wish you
had ten or twelve thousand pounds. I know it would
glorify God, and if I were able, I would do it now. But
God will take care of you." We left her a few hours in
the night, when she said to the sisters who sat up with
her, "Give me pen and paper, I cannot die easy, unless
I write something of my mind concerning sister Bosanquet
having the two thousand pounds. She did so, which was
a striking instance of her love. This paper I saw it right
1
not to destroy, and informed her relations of it; but it
was not regarded, and we were well contented. About
twelve the next day she seemed to change for death, and
appeared just gone. I said, "Is Jesus precious?" She
One present observed, "Perhaps she
did not answer.
is not sensible."
After a few minutes she came to her-
self, and smiling said, "Yes, I was sensible; but just as
you spoke, I had a great struggle with Satan,—at last
these words were spoke as if through my heart,
"Nature's last agony is o'er,
And cruel sin subsists no more."
But yet I do not know that the work is done. But I
know it will be done. I am sure God will finish his
work.-Yes-I think I can believe.-Yes, I will hold
the Lord to his promise. She continued much the same
for six hours, now and then saying, I know he will finish
his work. But I do not know it is done. Yet is there
any sin? I do not know there is. Sometimes I feel,
said she, with a smile, as if I did not like to leave you
all; is that sin? I do not know that it is. She added,
when I am dying, if I cannot speak, ask me any question,
and if I mean yes, I will hold up my hand, for I would
wish to praise God to the last. In the evening she
seemed just departing. One present said, "Is your soul
in peace ?" She did not make the sign. I said, “Are
you sensible, love?" She held up her hand. Sometime
PART II.]
73
MRS. FLETCHER.
after, we said, “Is all clear now?" She lifted up both her
hands above her head. Sister Crosby said, “The blood
of Jesus hath cleansed you from all sin." She lifted them
up again, and smiled with such an expression of joy as
I cannot describe. She appeared as in a rapture, and
strove much to speak, but we could only understand that
word, "He is my only portion." Then throwing herself
back, she lifted up he eyes, and spreading her hands
with great delight, made many signs upwards. I said,
"Is glory open before you ?" She lifted up her hands
pointing with one finger, and strove to speak, but we
could only make out the word, "Glory ;" but the joy of
her countenance was beyond all words, and in this posture
she in one moment breathed her last.
Such a sense of God and glory rested on us, as I cannot
describe. For several days it seemed to me, as if I was
continually sensible of the presence of the heavenly
spirits; and so slender did the veil appear which divides
the church militant from that which is triumphant, that I
saw myself as surrounded with the innumerable company,
and as if I heard them hail the happy saint on her arrival,
in these words, which followed me continually-
Ah! what were all thy sufferings here,
Since Jesus counts thee meet
With that enraptured host t' appear,
And worship at his feet.*
*This glorious scene will be accompanied with some pain to pious read-
ers, and in some it will excite much curiosity. It will be asked, what were
those "snares" that induced so strong a temptation, in such a devoted
mind, thus to deviate from truth and love, according to the above agonizing
confession? I cannot gratify such inquirers. Mrs. Fletcher thought it her
duty to record the fact, and I have thought it my duty to let it appear: but
I know no more. One thing is plain; Miss Lewen did not fall into the
temptation; but it is also plain, she did not resist it, steadfast in the faith.
Hence her deep sense of her evil nature, in having listened to it for a mo-
ment. When heavenly purity shone upon her soul, and that she found that
purity was just about to be bestowed upon her for ever, how dreadful
appeared the mental deviation! If we may hazard a conjecture; was it
not some attachment of a worldly nature, on account of which she was
77
74
[PART II
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Some time after this, one of our young women had a
desire to take a journey, which we thought would be
dangerous to her, and warned her much to beware of the
love of the world. Several nights she had had remark-
able dreams, warning her to beware that no man took her
Brown. We told her all our fears; and in particular to
watch against the love of money. She said, "My light
is so clear, that if I now do any thing unbecoming my pro-
fession, I shall be guilty, and doubly guilty." Sister Ryan
said,
I feel I cannot give you up, but I am led to entreat
the Lord, if you should be about to depart from him, that
he would cut short the thread of your life, and take you
to himself, and I believe he has heard me."
She had
tempted, and felt an answerable inclination, to depart from a community so
strictly evangelical? That thought was, perhaps, presented to her, viz.
That that very strictness would excuse her to "the half-hearted ;" and that
to Mrs. Ryan would be chiefly imputed the rigidity which had forced her
from this retreat. This was probably the root of that agonizing conviction;
especially when she saw, that the person whom she had thought of, as thus
to have borne her sin, was ready to risk her own tender life to help her
through her last conflict! Miss Lewen, however, overcame at last; and
verified Mr. Wesley's account of her.-See his Journal, (Works, vol. iv.)
"Friday, the 31st of October, at my return to London, I found it needful
to hasten to Layton-stone. But I came too late. Miss Lewen died the day
before, after an illness of five days. Some hours before, she witnessed that
good confession-
"Nature's last agony is o'er,
And cruel sin subsists no more.”
So died Margaret Lewen, a pattern to all young women of fortune in
England; a real Bible Christian. So she rested from her labours, and
her works do follow her."
Mrs. Ryan was, as Mrs. Fletcher has said, "a sickly, persecuted saint."
She was poor, (though not destitute, and hence was more liable to be the
butt of the half-hearted. Miss Bosanquet, her twin soul, was a lady of birth
and fortune, and on that account, rather too large for their grasp. Mrs.
Ryan proved the whole of the eight beatitudes, as appears from Mr. Wes-
ley's account of her, in the Arminian Magazine, and from his admirable
Letters to her, (see his works, vol. xvi.) In one of them he says, "It is
expedient for you to go through both evil and good report. The convers-
ing with you either by speaking or writing, is an unspeakable blessing to
I cannot think of you without thinking of God. Others often lead
me to Him, but it is, as it were, going round about. You bring me straight
into His presence."
Ed.
me.
PART II.]
75
MRS. FLETCHER.
not been from us many days, before the golden baits of
pleasure and profit began to gain lustre in her eyes, and
the little spark of light and life to decline out of her soul.
and
The Lord stept in, laid her on the bed of death, gave
her to acknowledge, she had left the fountain head of
bliss, and stooped to creature happiness. She was very
desirous to see us, if it could have been; but a dear
child of God attended her constantly, and wrestled much
with God in her behalf. A little before her death she
I shall be
declared, “The Lord hath forgiven me.
saved, but I shall suffer loss." Repeating the name of
Jesus, her spirit returned to God, just four weeks from
that day on which she left our house.*
"Oh! what is death? 'tis life's last shore,
Where vanities are vain no more."
In the beginning of the year 1767, the Lord was pleased
to exercise us with some little trials of another kind.
Various reproaches were cast upon us. It was confi-
dently affirmed, I had forced the before-mentioned young
lady (Miss Lewen) to make a will when she was dying,
and leave me all her estate, and that I had thus wronged
her relations. Some religious professors said that I had
wronged the poor and that I had killed my friend by
rigorous mortification.-That I had driven her into
despair, and caused her to die in darkness :—with a
variety of stories as ridiculous as false. The truth is, I
had not gained one penny by her, but was many pounds
out of pocket. However, these accounts were so indus-
triously spread, and even to distant parts, that a gentleman.
from a place about an hundred miles off, told me some
* Was not this extraordinary dispensation an instance of what St. John
calls, a sin unto death-a sin which God punishes by the death of the
body? It was not a little thing in His sight to leave such a house, without
a special call of His providence. Those however who forın, and govern,
such a house, should beware of any approach to the confinement of the
Cloister. There was nothing of that kind here. Ed.
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[PART H.
THE LIFE OF
years after, he verily believed, had I walked through that
town at one time, the mob would have stoned me! But
the Lord is a God of judgment, and by him actions are
weighed.
will now.
A little time before this, the Lord was pleased to
remove my dear parents. My father had a long and
painful illness of three years; and my mother lived but
nine months after. I was now permitted to be a good
deal with them. One day my dear honoured father spoke
to me with great tenderness concerning some of my
former trials, áud expressed much sorrow that my fortune
was not left as much in my power, as that of the other
children ;-saying, 'If you desire it, I will alter my
But your uncle knows my mind; and if you
marry a man to make you happy, it is all I wish. I do not
care whether he has money or not.-But whether you
marry or not, you ought to have your fortune as well as
the rest. If you desire it, I will have it so altered:"
with many more expressions of paternal affection, which,
though I do not think it proper to insert them here, will
ever have a place in my heart. I begged him to make
himself quite easy, and not to attempt the alteration of
any thing; as I saw it must greatly disturb his peace, for
several reasons. I assured him I saw myself safe in the
hands of my heavenly Father, and knew I should never
want any thing that was for my good; and that if I was
favoured with seeing the salvation of his soul, I had no
more to ask: God would take care of me. I was led
thus to speak. From what he had said to me, however,
I expected to have found in his will far less than he had
really given me.
Immediately after the death of my father, my dear
mother entered into her last illness. I found much love
to her, and of consequence much pain. She expressed
a tender kindness towards me during her illness, and
showed her tender care, by augmenting the sum my
father had left me.
PART II.]
77
MRS. FLETCHER.
During the illness of my dear parents, I suffered much,
not only for them, but for my weak friend at home, and
the weight of so great a family. Her increasing illness
was an unspeakable exercise to me. She had some time
before been brought near to death, but many promises of
recovery were then brought to her mind with power;
and after being so reduced as to be given over, she
recovered as it were suddenly, and beyond all expectation,
and remained in pretty good health for a year. But now
she grew daily worse; and for three years her sufferings
were great and frequent. I plainly saw she decayed fast,
and all my nature shrunk at the thought of being left
alone at the head of such an undertaking; and what
added to my trial, we had increased our family, with
some whose spirit did not suit our house, so that jars,
and a divided interest, sometimes arose, which till very
lately we had not known. But the heaviest of all my
yokes, was the galling yoke of unbelief. I remembered
the time, when I could say, "Unbelief has not a place in
my soul to set its foot upon." But now I had slipped
back from that constant act of faith. I had admitted cares
and fears,* and by insensible degrees, I was sunk again
into my own will, and the strivings of evil tempers,
Indeed, there was a confidence, a degree of union with
God, which I never totally lost, neither did his fear
depart out of my heart: yet I had inwardly departed
from that pure love which I possessed. I had left off to
delight myself in God, as heretofore; and accepted of
many other things in his place, so that my trials were
greater than I can well describe.
One day as I was attending my sick friend, almost in-
consolable, she said, "My dear, I hardly know how to
rejoice in the prospect of death, because I see no way for
you. I shall leave you in the hands of enemies, but God
* Was this painful state heaviness through manifold temptations,
1 Peter i. 6.) or a real departure from the Lord? I believe some things that
follow will incline the serious reader to conclude it was the former. Ed
7 *
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[PART II.
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will stand by you." I said, "My dear love, can you think
of any way for me? It is sometimes presented to my mind,
that I should be called to marry Mr. Fletcher."* She
replied, “I like him the best of any man, if ever you do
take that step. But unless he should be of a very tender
disposition towards you, you would not be happy but
God will direct you." It pleased God, however, in a mea-
sure to remove her disorder again; so that for some
months she was enabled to act as a leader and a helper
among us.
:
We were now pretty well settled, our meetings were
quiet and comfortable, the number of hearers increased,
and some of our little flock were gone triumphantly to
glory. My income being now larger, I thought a more
easy path lay before me; and I found much attachment
to the place. Yet we were sickly, and the house was too
small for such a family as ours. We had no land to it,
(mine being all let off before to the other house,) and
not having cows, such a number of children occasioned
much inconvenience. Frequently I was advised to re-
move into some part of Yorkshire, and take a farm ; that
otherwise, it was impossible to bring up the children to
every branch of needful business; and that my income
ments.
* The pious reader will not be displeased to see that such an impression
was made on such a mind, preceding the union of that admirable couple.
The impression was mutual. In a letter from Mr. Fletcher to Mr. Charles
Wesley, (see Mr. Fletcher's works, vol. vii.) we find the following senti-
"You ask me a very singular question-I shall answer it with a
smile, as I suppose you asked it. You might have remarked, that for some
days before I set off for Madely, I considered matrimony with a different
eye to what I had done: and the person who then presented herself to my
inmagination was Miss Bosanquet. Her image pursued me for some hours
the last day, and that so warmly, that I should, perhaps, have lost my
peace, if a suspicion of the truth of Juvenal's proverb,-Veniunt a dote
sagittæ, (The arrows come from the portion, rather than from the lady,) had
not made me blush, fight, and flee to Jesus, who delivered me at the same
moment from her image, and the idea of marriage."-There will be some
regret, perhaps, felt, that a long and suffering time should intervene before
that union. But it was all ordered for the good of both-for an eternal
union-for the marriage of the Lamb! Ed.
PART 11.]
79
MRS. FLETCHER.
would go as far again in such a situation. I must here
observe, though my income was increased, it was still not
equal to our expenses, which were great on many ac-
counts; I had also undertaken, in union with the young
lady before-mentioned, some charitable affairs, which now
all fell on me, and many of them I could not throw off for
some years. The box did not yield us as much by half,
as in the first year; for like the manna in the wilderness,
which ceased when the Israelites got corn, so that provi-
sion, which had been exceedingly useful to us, seemed
now to be suspended. Yet I felt very averse to the
thought of business; I feared the armour I had not proved,
and thought I should perhaps lose the little maintenance
I had, rather than gain more.
One day my friend being a little better, and all things
at that time pretty comfortable; my own heart being also
drawn with an unusual sweetness towards the Lord, I was
walking in the garden,-when looking round me, it ap-
peared as a paradise. I thought, how sweet is my situa-
tion! I dwell among my own people, a few who love
me, and whom I love. The family is getting more and
more as I could wish; and as to our circumstances,
freely trust my God further than I can see, so that all my
care on him is cast, and here I hope to end my days. Im-
mediately a thought presented itself,*-But suppose God
should call you from this place; and there should be yet
some bitter cups for you to drink? I started at the thought;
But said, Give me power to say, Thy will be done.
I can
About this time, Richard Taylor came from Yorkshire,
being driven from thence by misfortunes. He left a wife
and young family, and came to London in hopes of set-
tling with his creditors. Sister Crosby, (who was now a
member of my family,) had known him in Yorkshire, and
Mr. Dornford and Mr. Murlin recommended him to me,
and proposed his staying for a time at our house. He
* It is by no means clear that this was from the Lord. Ed.
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[PART II.
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We
seemed (and I believe he then was,) a devoted man.
were much interested in his behalf. When we sat down
to dinner, the thought that his wife and children were in
trouble and distress, would often so overwhelm him he
could not take a morsel. He appeared a man of prayer,
and one of the excellent of the earth.
One morn-
Various circumstances occurred which seemed plainly
to call us to seek another habitation, and Yorkshire was
the place most likely. Yet such a call did not seem desi-
rable to me. My reason seemed to point that way; my
inclination was to remain where I then was.
ing, however, as I was reading in my turn to the family,
I came to these words, "Come out from thy kindred and
thy country, and come into a land which I will show thee.'
I felt myself penetrated with resignation, I felt my strong
attachment to the place, as being the place of my birth,
quite removed, and I seemed free to follow the leading
of the Spirit of God, to any corner of the earth.*
My friend and I began seriously to consider whether
our work was not done in Layton-stone; whether, after
spending about five years at this place, we were not now
called to another spot. A physician had told us, if there
were any hopes of sister Ryan's recovery, it would be by
a journey. She had unexpectedly recovered at Bath be-
fore, and it might be so again. At this time she was very
bad. I objected however to the moving her in so weak a
condition ;-to which she answered, "If the Lord see fit
to spare me, probably that is to be the means of raising
me up; and if he has otherwise determined, I should be
glad to see you settled first; for if you are left without
me here, I think you will have great difficulty, from
several circumstances; and probably such an exchange
of place and situation, would put it in your power to alter
and remove those difficulties.
* Whether this leading was really of the Spirit of God or not, her sub-
mission to Him made her more than conqueror. Ed.
PART II.]
81
MRS. FLETCHER.
My relations and Christian friends seemed all to ap-
prove, and we believed our way was plain for taking a
journey to Leeds, and some adjacent places, in order to
judge better whether they were suitable, and whether
we could meet with a habitation that would answer our
great family.
Accordingly on June the seventh, 1768, I set out with
my friend Ryan, and sister Crosby. Brother Taylor,
who was now to return home, accompanied us on horse-
back. It may be supposed we had a troublesome journey
* All those who have read, with pious interest, the beginning and pro-
gress of the house of God at Layton-stone, must regret its dissolution. Had
it been favoured with any successors, of the same spirit, we might rejoice
that those who had, as the salt of the earth, been the savour of life to that
people, were about to season other places. But that was not the case.
There were no such successors; and it is by no means clear, that there was
such a call of divine Providence, as was sufficient to justify these chosen
instruments in departing from a place so divinely visited, and in dissolving
an establishment so owned of the Lord. Mr. Wesley's sentiments concern-
ing that establishment, are very decisive. In his journal (see his works,
vol. iv.) he says, "Thursday, December 12, 1765, I rode over to Layton-
stone, and found one truly Christian family. This is what that at Kings
wood should be, and would, if it had such governors." Again, “Thurs-
day, February 12, 1767, I preached at Layton-stone. O what a house of
God is here! Not only for decency and order, but for the life and power
of religion. I am afraid there are very few such to be found in all the king's
dominions."-Ought not the call to be clear, and even imperative, that led
to the dissolution of such a house? We have indeed heard the blessed wo-
man who was at the head of it, observing with grief, "We had increased
our establishment with some whose spirit did not suit our house, so that jars
and a divided interest arose.”—And could she think the devil had fallen
asleep, or that he would not take the old way,-that he would not sow tares
among the wheat? Such persons should have been dismissed, after all long-
suffering had been manifested. We should add to our loving faith, courage,
knowing for whom we are to act. As this way, it seems, was not taken,
we cannot wonder that the leaven should win its way, and a cloud over-
spread the once illuminated mansion. In such a dark day, it is no wonder
that "cares and fears" should assault her devoted heart, so that she hardly
knew her own state, and had almost given up her confidence.-A new way
seemed to open, of which Mr. Taylor was the harbinger-A way so en-
tangled with briers and thorns, that there seemed, at length, hardly any
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and aching hearts, for my dear sister Ryan was so ill as
to be carried in arms in and out of the chaise, and to be
watched with every night; and the bringing down so
large a family two hundred miles, was attended with no
little difficulty. We went first to Mr. Taylor's wife's pa-
rents, where we found a family of serious persons. The
old man and woman were patterns of industry and seri-
ousness; and the wife a person with whom I found much
fellowship of spirit. We staid with them seven weeks
until we could find a house, which for the present would
suit our purpose,-which we at length did at Guildersom,
in the West Riding of Yorkshire.
My dear companion now began to sink daily; but as
the account of her last scene is included in her life, I will
not enter into any particulars of it here, only add, that
on the seventeenth of August, 1768, she experienced in
reality, what she had seen in her dream, viz. that
He would kiss her raptured soul away."
She departed this life in the forty-fourth year of her age.
Thus passed the dreaded moment which I had for seven
years so painfully apprehended. But she had often in
her illness said to me, "My dear friend, I have obtained
for you of the Lord that you shall not be overcome of sor-
row, therefore fear not, for I know he heard me." Her
prayer was, in a great degree, answered; I was not over-
hope of deliverance. But the Lord knoweth how to deliver the godly out of
temptation and until then-
"Darkly safe with God, thy soul
His arm still onward bears,
'Till through each tempest, on the whole
A peace divine appears!"
This was the blessed result. The Lord turned her captivity, and filled kier
mouth with laughter, and her tongue with praise.
Ed.
PART II.]
83
MRS. FLETCHER.
come of sorrow. The thought of her long suffering, and
present happiness, much alleviated the bitter cup, which
I had. tasted of occasionally for some years. My great
affliction did not come at once. The Lord treated me, as
we do a child; He put one thing into my hand to take
away another. I thought I saw some comfortable pros-
pects before me in life, and a veil was drawn over the
many and great crosses which were to follow. I prayed
I might be kept close to the will of God, and preserved
from turning to the right-hand or to the left, now that I
had lost my spiritual mother. But I did not wish to die ;
neither could I get my heart into that spiritual frame I
had enjoyed in the year 1762, and therefore being min-
gled with earth, I felt all my ties were not cut through.
I had sometimes conversed with her, on the subject of
departed spirits having communion with us, and she
used to say," If it be the will of my heavenly Father,
I should rejoice to communicate some comfort to you,
either in a dream or any other way." But I never had
even the slightest remembrance of her in any dream for
some months, though she possessed so great a share in
my waking thoughts. I often wondered at this, till one
night, I think six months after her death, I thought
she was hovering over me, as in a cloud, and from
hence spoke in her own voice some lines in verse; but
I could only retain the latter part, which were these
vords,-
Mingle with earth we can no more!
But when you worship God alone;
We then shall mutually adore."
By which I understood she meant, I was not in that purity
hich was requisite for communion with heavenly spirits;
ut it raised in my heart an expectation that such a season
'ould come.
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My invaluable friend was buried in Leeds Old Church
Yard; where to her name and age were added only these
words,-
Who lived and died a Christian."
END OF THE SECOND PART.
PART THE THIRD.
Her settlement in Yorkshire.
My health began to fail.-I had for three years had
much fatigue in nursing my dear friend; and some crosses
which now flowed in apace, greatly affected me. I grew
large, and had dropsical symptoms. My soul was at this
season in a low and cold state. My path was strewed with
many perplexities and I was at a loss how or where to
settle. Trade I much feared; and yet I did not see how
I could do without it.. My family consisted of thirty
persons, of whom some were rather unruly. I saw the
need of taking the reins into my own hands, and supply-
ing the place of my friend Ryan. But this determination
was very difficult to execute; and I daily and hourly felt
my insufficiency. While she was alive, I considered her
as a mother, and like the other young women desired her
to allot me my rules and employments; or at least to
assist me in the choice of them. These were-First,
An attention to the spiritual affairs of the family. Secondly,
Taking care for their sustenance. Thirdly, Instructing
the children. Fourthly, Meeting each member of the
family, one by one, at fixed times. Fifthly, Superintend-
ing by turns, the more public meetings of the society.
Sixthly, Attending my friend in her frequent illnesses;
with the direction and management of the sick.—But the
care of the kitchen, buying in the stores, managing the
needle-work, with many other articles of direct house-
8
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[PART II.
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keeping, I was quite unaccustomed to.--While I lived in
my father's house I saw very little of domestic affairs,
because we lived rather high; so that I was quite a
stranger to that kind of management needful for a great
family, who have but little to live on. Besides, the manner
of life here, was entirely different from what I had been
used to about London. Here wheat was to be bought to
Inake flour. Bread to be made, cows to be managed,
men-servants to be directed; with a variety of particulars
in house-keeping quite new to me. Had my friend been
spared, all this would have been a pleasure; but now my
spirits were so depressed, every thing appeared a burden :
-and when I had provided as well as I could, some per-
sons in my family would despisingly say, my victuals were
not worth eating; and that I knew not how to order any
thing. I had frequent letters from distant parts, some
pitying, some upbraiding me; and informing me at the
same time, "The stories which we hear carried about
concerning you, come all from the members of your own
family."-Oh! said I, I have not so abode in my Saviour
as I ought; I have gone down to Egypt for help, and
therefore is all this come upon me otherwise, I should
still inherit that word applied to me with power in the
first gathering of my household, "Thou art my hope and
my fortress, my castle and deliverer, my defender in
whom I have trusted; who subdueth the people that are
under me." I mentioned before, that we had met with
a large house in part furnished, which was of great ser-
vice, as my own furniture was not yet arrived. There
was land to it, and though dear, I saw it a providence,
and an asylum till we could fix better. In the ordering
of the out-door affairs, Mr. Taylor was very useful to me,
and indeed had not he and his wife been with me, I do
not think I should ever have got through some difficulties
which I had to encounter. One day he brought me word
of a farm very cheap; with a freehold estate adjoining
thereto, on which were malt-kilns, a small house, and
PART III.]
87
MRS. FLETCHER.
46
many out-buildings. The farm was large; and he
thought, if besides the farm-house, we were to build one
big enough for our family, it would be cheaper than to
rent a house. I was very averse to the undertaking;
but there was no time to lose, as many were seeking
after it. I went to Leeds to consult the most judicious of
my friends; in particular Mr. R. a man well acquainted
with business, and the most intimate friend I had in York-
shire :-He answered, "You may look on this, as Isaac
did when he found a well, for which they did not strive.”
He said, "The Lord hath made room for us in the land.”
So," added he, " may you say; for had you waited a
dozen years, you might not have met with such an oppor-
tunity." I objected, "That I did not understand it, and
that perhaps it would sink instead of increasing my
income." He replied,
He replied, "Richard Taylor knows well
how to manage it, if you do not; and I have no doubt
that it will clear you a hundred and fifty pounds a year,
which will be good interest for your money." I now
remembered the reflection cast on me at Layton-stone,
viz. "If she wants to do good with her fortune, let her
take up a little trade. She talks of the poverty of Jesus ;
let us see her work at a trade as he did." That thought
had much weight with me. I prayed for light, and took
the place; bought the estate, formed the plan for the
house, and set about it. The first mark of the favour of
God was, we had some of our work-people converted,
so that before half the house was built, we had a good
class. The desire after purity of heart was much reviv-
ed among the neighbouring societies; and I found in
many ways there was a wider field opened for doing good
than I had ever before experienced. I had some among
the members of my family also, who were very helpful
in the work of God. By settling on a new plan, I found
it more easy to draw things into my own hand. I removed
some, and put others into their proper place.
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The building I found no cheaper than in the south, or
but little so: It cost a good deal more than at first pro-
posed. The farm took a great deal to stock, and bring
into order; and as most of my capital lay in an estate,
(or in that sum my dear father on his death-bed so
lamented that he had tied up from me,) I had not sufficient
for all the expenses, with the purchase of the freehold ;
and was obliged to take up money on interest, which I
hoped to pay off at fifty pounds per year. The malt-kilns
seemed to answer well, and cleared the first year fifty
pounds, above all expenses.
Our call was a good deal abroad in the work of God,
and we had encouragement therein. A few (and at that
time but a few,) in that part had a desire after holiness.-
Some years before this, sister Crosby had spent a little
time in Yorkshire. She told them, what a wonderful
work of sanctification God was carrying on in London.
Many were affected with her words, and two or three in
this place retained the light and power then given to them.
These we agreed to meet once a fortnight; and unite
our cry to the Lord, that he would pour out a spirit of
conviction on his people, and that the neighbouring
societies might be stirred up to seek for purity of heart.
We had not met many times before the answer came;
one and another begged to join in our Wednesday-night
meetings, and our number increased to about fifty, all of
whom were ardently desiring, or sweetly brought into,
that liberty. When we grew too numerous, (for they
began to come from many miles round,) I advised those
who were able, to gather a meeting of the same kind,
near their own homes. This was attended with many
blessings. We sometimes visited those infant meetings,
and they increased and spread as well as ours. It must
be observed, none were admitted as members into our
meeting, but those who were truly awakened to seek for
holiness, as before they had been to seek for pardon.
PART III.]
89
MRS. FLETCHER.
Others, if we judged them sincere, were sometimes occa-
sionally admitted: but we were very careful whom we
considered as fixed members. Of these I had a separate
list; and about once a quarter met them apart from the
others. I felt myself led to enforce on them some par-
ticular observations, which they frequently asked me to
set down on paper. I did therefore set them down as
follows:-
:
As you have expressed a desire that I would give you
on paper, the few observations I have sometimes made
on Wednesday-nights, I will endeavour so to do, as far as
I can recollect. And if my dear Lord is pleased to help
you through so weak an instrument, He shall have the
more abundant praise.
First, I would recommend you to be very careful whom
you admit into your meeting. Consider no one as mem-
ber thereof who is not steadily seeking after Christian
perfection; that is, a heart simplified by love divine, and
kept each moment, by faith, from the pollution of sin.
Whosoever agrees not with you in this point, will greatly
interrupt your design.
Secondly, See that you fix on your minds,-We come
together to get our faith increased; and expect as much
that our souls should be refreshed by our meeting, as we
do our bodies to be refreshed by our food. Come with
a lively expectation; and that your expectation may not
be cut off, keep your spirit all the time in continual
prayer united prayer can never go unanswered. Mr.
Fletcher, on this head, has a lively observation.—“ When
many believing hearts, says he, are lifted up, and wrestle
in prayer together, we may compare them to many hands
which work a large pump; at such times particularly the
fountains of the great deep are broken up, the windows
of heaven are opened, and rivers of living water flow
from the hearts of obedient believers.'
""
Thirdly, Bear with each other's mistakes or infir-
mities in love. Consider the members, as if they were
8*
90
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your own children. How much will a man bear with in
his own son that serveth him? A threefold cord cannot be
easily broken.
Satan will leave no stone unturned to dis-
unite you :---but O remember, the characteristic of the
evangelical dispensation is,-
"The love that turns the other cheek;
The love inviolably meek,
Which bears, but conquers all."
Fourthly, Be well aware of that deadly poison, so fre-
quent among professors, I mean evil-speaking. It will
cover itself under a thousand forms; and, alas! how many
sincere hearts swallow this gilded bait, before they know
what they are about. Never repeat the fault of an ab-
sent person, unless it be absolutely needful. In particu-
lar, speak not evil of dignities; neither of our king, on
whose account we have the greatest reason to be thankful;
nor yet of any in authority under him. Neither those
whom God hath set over us as spiritual teachers. If any
of these do not speak just as we could have wished, ne-
ver forget that one may have his gift after this manner,
another after that. The exhortation not so immediately
useful to your state, may nevertheless be put into their
mouth at that time for another person then present.
Known unto God are all his ways; and as He hath said,
A cup of cold water given to a prophet shall not be forgot-
ten, how pleasing will it be in His sight, if by faith and
prayer we hold up the hands of his praying servants.
Fifthly, Hold fast the truth in a pure conscience. Let
not one spark of your light be put out. Though all your
teachers, brethren, friends, yea, the whole church, were
to turn against the truth, let nothing make you forget,
The blood of Jesus cleanseth from all sin; and that he keeps
that soul for ever clean, who day and night hangs on him
by simple faith.
Sixthly, "Be always ready to give an account to those
that ask you a reason of the hope that is in you. In or-
PART III.]
91
MRS. FLETCHER.
der to this, let us pray for clear ideas of what we seek,
and what we possess. Bear in mind, that to perfect holi-
ness in the fear of the Lord, is no more than you have al-
ready promised; First, By your sponsors in baptism;
secondly, In your own person, when you made those vows
your own by confirmation; and thirdly, Whenever you
renew that covenant by coming to the Lord's table.
"You have engaged to renounce the devil and all his
works, the pomps and vanities of this wicked world, and
all the sinful lusts of the flesh; to believe all the articles
of the Christian faith; to keep God's holy will and com-
mandments, and to walk in the same all the days of your
life." And is not this vowing to perfect holiness in the fear
of God? Does the first part of this sacred engagement,
To renounce the devil and all his works, leave any room
for the least agreement with the devil, the world, or the
flesh? Does the second,-To believe all the articles of
the Christian faith, make the least allowance for one doubt
with respect to any one article of the Christian faith? Or,
Does the third allow the wilful breach of any one of God's
commandments? Again, Do we not all profess to believe
it to be our duty, to love God with all our heart, and our
neighbour as ourselves? Weigh the depth of those two
expressions. Do they not imply, love made perfect, or,
in other words, Christian perfection?
Seventhly, Remember that saying of Solomon, The wise
man's eyes are in his head. Let your eye of faith be steadily
fixed on your Living Head, deeply conscious of that
word-
"Having done all, by faith I stand,
And give the praise, O Lord, to thee !"
Persevering be-
A holy man makes this observation,
lievers are little omnipotents." Abide then every mo-
ment in the living vine, from whom you constantly draw
your life, as the coal its heat from the fire;-it was all
black, cold, and filthy, before it was impregnated with the
92
[PART III.
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fire that kindled it; but if by any accident it fall there-
from, the shining perfection which it had acquired, gra-
dually wears away, and it becomes a filthy cinder, the
black emblem of an apostate. So true is that saying of
our Lord, Without me ye can do nothing.
Eighthly, Consider yourselves as united by a holy co-
venant to God and to each other; aiming to advance the
glory of God all you possibly can.
"Ye for Christ your Master stand
Lights in a benighted land."
Beware then that your light become not darkness; let no
one be discouraged from seeking Christian holiness, by
any thing they see in your life and conversation. We
must become a whole burnt-sacrifice. The soldier en-
listed under the banner of his king, may neither leave his
post, nor choose his employment. We have covenanted
to be the Lord's; and may not draw back one power, no
nor one thought, from his service. Be it then engraven
on our hearts, as with a diamond pen, Thy vows, O
God, are upon me: I have opened my mouth unto the
Lord, and cannot go back."
66
Glory be to God, it might be said of Cross-Hall, (the
name of our present habitation,) many a soul has been
born in her, and many sweet seasons did we know with
the Lord; and I do at this day declare, I shall ever adore
the wisdom of God in bringing me down to settle in York-
shire. It was good for the work of God. It was good
for my own soul ;* but for a season it did not appear good
for my temporal affairs. I had not been seven years there,
before I saw myself brought into great perplexity, from
*Nothing could prevent such a devoted person from bearing fruit unto
God. In answer to the prayer of faith, He opens rivers in the high places,
and streams in the desert. Mr. Wesley, speaking of her settlement in York-
shire, observes, (see his Works, vol. iv.) "Saturday, July 7th, 1770, I
rode to Miss Bosanquet's. Her family is still a pattern, and a general
blessing to the country." Ed.
PART III.]
93
MRS. FLETCHER,
circumstances I shall by and by relate. But whatever
occurred, I must ever praise the Lord, that his provi-
dence brought me there. I had a continual presentiment,
my troubles were for an appointed time; and that in the
end deliverance would be given from every difficulty.
I found my mind much united to brother and sister Tay-
lor. I strove to remove their burdens, and went in per-
son to their creditors. After meeting with some opposi-
tion, I got their affairs settled, at the expense of between
two and three hundred pounds.
After the death of sister Ryan, my soul had many
risings and sinkings. Sometimes I seemed to lose my way,
and knew not where or what I was. For about two years,
I sunk into fear, care, self-indulgence, and many wander-
ings. Yet my aim was towards the Lord, who, after that
season, began again to renew in me a tender conscience,
and as my outward sorrows increased, so my inward light
and power began to revive. It was soon after that time
that we began the meeting above-mentioned, as near as I
can remember, though I have not set down the exact date
thereof, but by my diary it appears to be about a year
after my soul began again to walk by faith. These meet-
ings were to me a singular blessing. They cost me many
a wrestling prayer, and when the nights approached, when
we were to meet, Oh! the sinking into nothing before
God, my spirit used to feel! Of all the meetings I ever
was employed in while in Yorkshire, I know not I ever
felt my soul so conscious of the Lord's approval as in
these. I must acknowledge it occasioned both expense
and labour. Frequently I had many beds to make up,
and many friends and their horses to entertain. But I
saw it such an honour to be (as I sometimes expressed it)
the Lord's Inn-keeper, that I could feel nothing but satis-
faction therein. Those words were often applied with
great sweetness, The birds of the air shall rest under thy
Branches.
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[PART III.
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I now found a fresh conviction of the necessity of di-
vine help, that I might go in and out before my family, in
such a manner as would lead them into the most excel-
lent way; and when any thing particular rested on my
mind, I usually set it down in the way of diary.—On
looking over old papers, I find the following remarks;
but am not quite clear as to the dates :-
"This day I have been solemnly renewing my cove-
nant with the Lord, and considering over our family rules,
fasts, and meetings. I have been praying for fresh vigour
and resolution in the use thereof; and while reading this
morning the vision of Samuel concerning Eli, I was led to
inquire how far it was my own case? Lord, thou hast
made me the head of this family. Do I bear the sword in
vain? Show me, Lord, what I can do to help them, con-
in
sidered one by one, and how I may help to put away,
each, whatever would offend. The thoughts which flowed
into my mind were as follows :
First, Love is the end of the commandment. If I would
wish to be such a head as God approves, I must have no
spring of action but love. Yet when we have many tem-
pers to suit ourselves to, all their burdens to bear, and
their every want to supply, (even in narrow circumstan-
ces,) nature is apt to grow weary. It is very easy to give
our neighbour what we can spare, but to pinch ourselves,
and even to run the risk of debts and distress for their
sakes, makes the work far more hard. How then shall
I get and keep that spirit of love to each which is needful
for my fulfilling towards them the place of a mother? or,
in some sense, to be a pillar in God's house, who is ap-
pointed to bear the weight of the whole building?
I will call over each member in my mind with solemn
kind;-
prayer, and search out every perfection of every kind
Every trace of the image of God which I can discern in
each, and enter them on paper; adding thereto every
fresh discovery,—and then to each name affix a plan, de-
noting what is the best method of helping that person's
PART III.]
95
MRS. FLETCHER.
infirmities, and strengthening their virtues. If I do not
thus study the tempers and disposition of my family, how
unlike will my carriage be to that of my Heavenly Father
towards me. I am also much convinced of the necessity
of being exact in early rising, both for the good of my own
soul, and that of my family; and as I am now better, I
trust to be able to execute my purpose. I shall also
meet the family at stated times, for an hour, in order to
inquire if brotherly love continues? And to remove all
hinderances thereto, I will at those times observe,-
My design in having a family is to bring honour to God.
If that end be not answered, I am disappointed, and the
Spirit of God is grieved with those who hinder it.
But in order to this, it is needful to be aware of Satan's
devices, who will be always endeavouring to throw in
something to wound love; and among a large family, where
there is multiplicity of business, perplexities will arise,
which sometimes has a tendency to break, or at least to
interrupt that sweet harmony of love, by which the church
below is rendered a shadow of that above.
To prevent this must be my constant labour.—I be-
lieve you all love me
all love me; and I am, my heavenly Father
knows, united to every one of you. But that will not do,
unless you are united among yourselves. I would there-
fore inquire of each, one by one,—
First, Do you find want of love to any one here? If
you answer, yes, give your reason, and it shall be searched
to the bottom, though it be in myself.
Secondly, Is there any conduct of any member which
you think might be mended?
Thirdly, We are to live only to, and for God. You all
can bear me witness, what we save, is saved for the poor,
and the work of God. Now can any of you point out
wherein we can save more? This is to be done in little
things;-for instance,-suppose twenty of you had each
a candle to use, and each person were to run it into the
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[PART III.
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fire, and waste a tenth part of the whole, that would be
two candles lost per night. If each fire, (we will say
ten,) burn one pennyworth of coals per day, more than
is needful, there are five shillings and ten pence per week
lost; enough to make two poor people, who love and
serve the Lord, comfortable. The same may be said of
every thing we eat, drink, wear, or make use of. Saving-
ness gives a constant and profitable use of the cross; as
well as administers, by those small acts of self-denial, to
the necessities of our brethren. If we are thirty in fa-
mily, besides many strangers,-suppose every one by fru-
gality to save (every thing being put together,) but two-
pence per day; what a large sum will that make in the
whole year, nearly an hundred pounds! and how many
of the saints of God may be fed and clothed therewith ?
Fourthly, Time is a most invaluable talent; and there
is scarcely an hour but we may save some minutes, by
doing every thing as to the Lord, that is, in the best
manner we are able. It is a true saying, a thing once
well done is twice done. For instance, if you sew a
seam carelessly, it will soon want doing over again. If
you clean any thing by halves, it will want a repetition
almost directly. If linen is badly got up, and not of a
good colour, it will not wear half the time. Consequently,
the next wash will be larger, will require more time,
more soap, more fire, &c. If you teach the children by
halves, they will need so many more lessons, and be so
much the longer before they are useful at home, or fit to
go out; so that the desire of saving time, calls for the
most diligent application in every thing. But in order
truly to buy up this precious talent, there is a necessity
of walking as in the constant presence of God. By that
recollection, we shall cut off useless words and thoughts,
which are the canker-worms that eat up our time.
Fifthly, The power of speech is a great talent. It is
an instrument of much good, or much evil. The tongue
is a little member, yet how much good or evil is it capable
PART III.]
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MRS. FLETCHER.
of kindling? A little spark may be the beginning of a
flame powerful enough to destroy a whole city: and one
wrong word may draw on another, until the tongue,
"which is a world of iniquity, may set on fire all the
members, being itself set on fire of hell." On the other
hand, in a large family, how useful may that member be!
While it possesses the honour of being God's advocate,
and watches every moment for an opportunity to call in
the minds of those around you, to a closer attention to
God. The right use of the tongue is of the utmost con-
sequence, (especially in a religious community,) and
worthy our strictest and most earnest endeavours; since
the apostle says "He that offendeth not in word, the
same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole
body."
The next Friday after this family meeting, I proposed
as a fast ;-at twelve we were to meet for one hour,
chiefly for earnest prayer. At these seasons I frequently
found much of the presence and approval of God, and I
believe they were blest to many of the family.
To return to my outward situation. When I had been
a few years in Cross-hall, I had many trials of faith and
patience. Sometimes I was all fears; and at others, I
had a lively confidence in that word,-Stand to my will,
and thou shalt suffer no detriment, which was applied to
me just before the period of sister Ryan's death.
Various circumstances now agitated my mind; and fre-
quently with groans and tears have I said before the Lord,
"Oh! that I could meet with a friend, as divinely
enlightened, and as faithful, as the one I have lost. It
would be worth going over red-hot bars of iron to pro-
cure."
But though I knew some of the excellent of the
earth, yea, and had some of them under my own roof,
yet friendship is so immediately the gift of God, we
cannot form it when we will. There must be a similitude
of mind, a something which God alone can give, and
which he at this time was pleased to withhold from me,
9
98
[PART III.
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I
perhaps that I might learn to depend on himself alone.
The point in which I was peculiarly sensible of the loss
of my friend, was, in the character of a counsellor.
wanted to know and do the will of God. I feared
was wrong in my present situation, because things did not
answer; and yet I did not know which way to mend them.
But I have always found, the best way is to stand still;
for I have learned by experience, that when we have no
light how to get out of our troubles, and no way seems
to open, the present duty is resignation. We have only
to follow providence from day to day, making it our one
business to persevere in a constant sense of the presence
of God, and to lie before his feet as poor beggars, waiting
for his direction.
Some time before this, a circumstance happened, which
though to appearance trifling, proved in the end very
material. A gentleman who about two years before lost.
a wife he tenderly loved; on hearing of me, and the
close union which had subsisted between me and Mrs.
Ryan, permitted a thought to dwell on his mind, that
perhaps I was brought to Yorkshire by the providence
of God to repair his loss.
One day as I was returning from a little journey where
I had been to meet some people, we called at an inn to
bait the horse. Mr. *** was standing at a window of that
inn. I came out and stood some time at the block wait-
ing for my horse. A thought struck his mind, "I should
like that woman for a wife ;"—but instantly he corrected
it with that reflection, I know not whether she be a con-
verted or an unconverted person; a married or a single
woman. Just then Mr. Taylor came up with the horse.
The gentleman knew him, and coming out to speak to
him, was much struck to find it was me. But as there
was not any thing striking to me in the occurrence, I had
quite forgotten it, till he recalled it to my remembrance
some years after.
PART III.]
99
MRS. FLETCHER.
As I was very free in making known my fears, lest my
new undertaking should not answer, some friends have
often said to me, "Why do not you consult Mr. *** ? He
is the only man for business in the country; and having
heard of your situation, he wishes to give Mr. Taylor
some advice.”—-Not long after, a friend brought him to
our house. I did not know at that time whether he were
married or single. We soon fell into conversation about
the farm. He gave me some directions, and interested
himself much in my affairs. I frequently applied to him
in difficult occurrences, and he became in the common
acceptation of the word, a familiar friend.
My perplexities now increased.-The farm had sunk a
very large sum to bring it into order, and the kilns took
much money to work them, a great deal of which lay
scattered up and down in debts, owing to me from lesser
malsters. I applied not only to Mr. ***, but to some
other sensible men. They looked over all, and said I
was too much afraid in a year or two, things would turn
round. That I had had a farm to make; but it was now
in such order, it would soon pay all again. This gave
me some satisfaction, but did not on the whole remove my
fears. I also saw Mr. Taylor went too far ;—that he was
inclined to venture much; that he kept too many men,
and gave a great deal too much credit.
:
This answered Mr. ***'s design. By these things he
was inclined to think God was constraining me to accept.
the offer, which by this time he had made me of his hand,
his heart, and his purse. His affections were strong,
sincere, and constant; his offers generous, and his senti-
ments tender. He loved my family; and whoever was
kind to me, found favour in his eyes. This could not
but operate on my gratitude. I was deeply pained. But
I could not see him the man my highest reason chose to
obey. First, I did not so honour the light he had in reli-
gion, as to believe it my privilege to be led thereby.
Secondly, Though he was a good man, and helpful to
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people in every respect, yet he did not see the narrow
path of walking close with God, as I could wish the man
I took for a husband to do. Thirdly, Though I had a
grateful love towards him, I could not find that satisfying
affection, which flows from perfect confidence; and which
is the very spirit and soul of marriage.
I felt, however, in the keenest manner the need I had
of his assistance in my affairs; but I thought it unge-
nerous to the last degree, to accept of help and counsel
from one whose growing affection I was too sensible of,
but to which, however, I could make no return. I used
the plainest terms in assuring him of the impossibility of
our affection ever becoming reciprocal; and proposed
the breaking off all acquaintance. He alleged in answer,
"You cannot do without me.-You will be ruined ;-
God hath made me your helper; and if you cannot see
or feel as I do, we will be only common friends. I will
say no more on a subject so disagreeable to you."
I lessened my family all I could, by putting out some
of the bigger children to trades, or servants' places; but
much expense attended it. Mr. Taylor also had several
children while with me, so that the family still consisted
of twenty-five persons. The majority, however, were
grown persons. But losses still continually came on;
and my first seven years in Yorkshire being nearly
expired, I found an absolute need of some change, since
in all this time things grew not better, but worse.
I consulted Mr. *** and other friends, about my situa-
tion, but most were for some further exertion in trade,
That I knew would not do. Others said, "Turn off all
those members of your family, and you have enough to
live on alone with a servant or two." No way, however,
opened for them, and several were old, sickly, or help-
less. I could not therefore see how that could be done,
and if ever I thought on it, mountains of difficulty arose
before me. Something seemed to whisper, a way shall
be made quite plain; yet I saw it my duty to do every

PART III.
101
MRS. FLETCHER.
thing in my power. I therefore consulted Mr. ***, who
knew my whole affairs as no other person did. He said,
"There is but one way for you,-Put the farm into Mr.
Taylor's hand, entirely separate from yourself. Let him
have the stock just as it is, and work the kilns as he can
raise money.
Let him pay you sixty pounds per year,
and take his family to the end of the house. I verily
believe he will live well, and lay up money; and I will
overlook all, and appraise every thing once a year." I
did so.-Mr. *** took great pains, and Richard Taylor
paid regularly. But as he was to have it free of debt, I
found a good deal to pay which he had not brought to
account; so that before all was settled, I had money
again to take up on interest, which was no small affliction
to me; and could I have sold the place, I would have
chosen it rather.
We went on tolerably for three years. Mr. ***
thought the farm increased in heart. The stock also
improved, and all was cheerful, except in my mind,
which foreboded deeper waters. This was soon realized.
In the beginning of the fourth year, Taylor was in debt
to the amount of six hundred pounds. This was what I
all along feared; but I thought, I am not obliged to pay
his debt let him break and bear his own burden.
Mr. *** at first thought the same, but soon we saw, either
I must give up the stock, (which would be sold for half
its value,) or pay the money. Besides, I was now informed,
that when he ceased to act as my agent, I ought to have
advertised it, that no one might trust him through con-
fidence in me. But this, (being unused to business.)
I did not know.
I deeply felt for the appearance it would have to my
relations. I had before, with their knowledge, taken up
money on the Layton-stone estate, and my brothers were
very kind, and ordered all my affairs in the south, to the
best advantage. I did not therefore see it just or pru-
dent to hide any thing from them. I wrote to my eldest
9 *

102
PART 111.
THE LIFE OF
brother a full account of the whole; but could not seę, at
that time, how I could pay: nor was I quite clear it was
required of me. Taylor's wife, now big with child,
wringing her hands, entreated me, in mercy to her, not
to let her husband go to prison; and, indeed, she was
clear of blame, for all along she had been afflicted with
the fear of what was now come upon them.
I knew not
what to do; above all, the honour of religion was dear
to me; and it was too evident, without an appearance of
dishonesty, I could not take back the stock, though really
my own, and leave the debts unpaid. Besides, many of
the persons were poor, and would be greatly hurt by the
loss. We had also at this time a lively work; for what-
soever else did not prosper by going into Yorkshire, the
work of God did. Being at length determined on the
payment, the next difficulty was, where to raise the
money. I had now taken back all my affairs out of Tay-
lor's hands, but was incapable of managing the business
myself, nor could I get the place disposed of.
Mr. ***
then offered to lend me the six hundred pounds on in-
terest, and to become a partner with me in the farm and
kilns, so as to take the management of all.
Here I was
quite at a loss. I was almost ready to say,
"Darkness
hath covered my path." Prudence, delicacy, every
lively sentiment, started back at the thought. What!
come under such an obligation to the man I am constantly
refusing! Besides, such a fresh connexion will open the
door to many trials. But there was no alternative; I
must accept his help or be ruined. I therefore followed
what appeared to be the leadings of Providence. A little
before this, I had a drawing in my mind to go for six
months to Bath, Bristol, and the parts adjacent, believing
it to be the order of God: and I was not sorry for an ex-
euse to get two hundred miles from poor Mr. ***.
One night conversing with a friend on the difficulties
of my situation, he said, "I cannot approve of your pro-
ceedings; I fear you fight against Providence. Here are
FART III.]
103
MRS. FLETCHER.
***
several doors open before you. If you object to Mr.
why do not you accept of some other of those good men,
whom the Lord seems to have cast in your way? You
stand stiffly in the choice of a single life, and it seems to
me, God fights against you in so doing. The end will be
ruin. You will be brought to a prison, and all the re-
proach will be cast on religion. If you build on the for-
mer promise I have heard you mention, That the Almighty
shall be your defence, and you shall have plenty of silver, I
account you no better than an enthusiast. Have you not
waited long enough? You hoped for deliverance at the
end of the first seven years; but four are elapsed since,
and if you wait till the end of the next seven, you will be
no nearer." Though his words did not convince my
judgment, they pained my heart. Nothing was to me
more dreadful than the thought of getting out of God's
order. I carried my case to the Lord, and striving to
divest my soul of every prejudice, I offered up myself to
God, that he might accomplish all his will upon me—
pleading before him, "Show me thy way, and I will walk
in it." But the more I prayed, the clearer the light
seemed to shine on my present path; and the only an-
swer I could obtain was-Stand still and see my salvation.
Being one day at prayer about my situation, I thought,
perhaps I shall sink lower still. Though Mr. *** be-
lieves he shall make much of the business, he may be
mistaken; and should I lose more than my estate at Lay-
ton-stone, and this place also will pay, then I shall have
debts I cannot answer; and while there is but a bare
possibility of that, shall I eat and drink as if it was my
own? Ah! no; let me rather live on bread and water.
I have no right, except merely to sustain life, till I re-
ceive from God some answer, or see, by sound reason,
that all will be paid. I began to do so that very day!
But the following night I had a most particular time be-
fore the Lord! He showed me (by a light on my under-
standing) that all my trials were appointed by Himself;
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[PART III.
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that they were laid on by weight and measure, and should
go no farther than they would work for my good. He
pointed me to the time at Hoxton, causing me to remem-
ber how simply I had walked by faith, and showing me
my sin in having drawn back from that close communion.
That although I did, in a measure, still walk with God,
yet I could not say as then, I live not, but Christ liveth in
me.*
I had depended on creatures for help, and there-
fore He had let me feel the weight of my burdens, that I
might be constrained to cast them afresh on Him; and
that when He had proved and tried me, He would deli-
ver me from all my outward burdens. As a pledge of´
the inward liberty he would afterward bring me into,
and that the ways and means of my deliverance were in
his own hands, and should appear in the appointed time,
those words were again brought powerfully to my mind :
If thou put away iniquity far from thy tabernacle-So shalt
thou lift up thy face unto God. Thou shalt decree a thing,
and it shall be established unto thee; and the light shall shine
upon thy path. Yea, the Almighty shall be thy defence, and
thou shalt have plenty of silver. He showed me that all
my perplexities and trials were only the thorn-hedge,
which his love had planted around me, to preserve me
from running farther astray. It was a profitable and
melting time.
From that hour I began to
gladness and singleness of heart.
take my meat again with
During the above time
And
of prayer, while I was asking light for my immediate
duties, it appeared to me best to take Mr. Taylor down
with us to Bath; and that from the time I did so, his
family would no more be such a burden to me.
truly so it proved. For my sister met me there, and
was greatly struck with compassion towards him. She
helped him herself, and raised him many friends; so that
all the rest of the time the family were under my roof,
*The truth was, I believe, she had not that lively sense of it. She was
loaded with cares; but they were all consistent with purity. Ed.
PART III.]
105
MRS. FLETCHER.
the children were entirely supported with the help
which arose from that journey.—I saw much of the order
of God while from home; and after six months, I re-
turned with thankfulness; though not without that kind
of sensation which a scourged child would have in return-
ing to the rod.
I must here mention a circumstance which, in order
of time, occurred some months before. In my deep
troubles, especially after the conversation with the friend
above-mentioned concerning marriage, a thought occur-
red to my mind-" Perhaps Mr. Fletcher is to be my
deliverer. May not that be the way to bring me out of
these incumbrances?" But I started from the very idea,
lest it should be a stratagem of Satan. We had not seen
or heard from each other for more than fifteen years.
Yet when striving to find out some way, that idea would
frequently present itself before me.
In the month of August, 1777, going into a Liend's
house who was just come from the conference, he said,
"Do you know that Mr. Fletcher, of Madely, is dying?—
Indeed I know not but he is dead. If he hold out a little
longer, he is to go abroad; but it is a pity, for he will
die by the way, being in the last stage of a consumption."
I heard the account with the utmost calmness. For some
days I bore his burden before the Lord; and constantly
offered him up to the will of God. A few days after,
another of my acquaintance wrote word," Mr. Fletcher
is very bad; spits blood profusely, and perspires pro-
fusely every night. Some have great hope that prayer
will raise him up; but, for my part, I believe he is a
dying man, as sure as he is now a living one." As I was
one day in prayer, offering him up to the Lord, these
words passed my mind: "The prayer of faith shall save
the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up. I said, "Lord,
I dare not ask it; I leave it to thy sacred will: thy will
be done!"
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[PART III.
THE LIFE OF
*
The following thoughts occurred to my mind—If the
Lord should raise him up, and bring him in safety back to
England; and he should propose such a step, could I
doubt its being of God, after such an answer to prayer?
Yet fearing a deception, I cried to the Lord to keep me
in his narrow way, whatever I might suffer, and felt an
unaccountable liberty to ask the following signs, if it
really were of Him. 1. That Mr. Fletcher might be
raised up.
2. That he might be brought back to Eng-
land. 3. That he would write to me on the subject, be-
fore he saw me, though we had been so many years asun-
der, without so much as a message passing on any enbject.
4. That he would, in that letter, tell me, it had been the
object of his thoughts and prayers for some years.
came to my mind further, that should this occur in the
end of the year 1781, it would be a still greater confirma-
tion, as Providence seemed to point me to that season as
a time by hope.
It
We returned from Bath in the beginning of the year
1778. I found crosses and troubles yet awaited me.
Mr. *** was still my partner, and I was enabled to pay
him and every creditor the full interest of the money
taken up; but not to lessen the capital. Indeed, all
along I was able to answer every demand. We continued
our trade some time longer; but, at length, Mr. ***
found my fears were better grounded than his hopes.
Instead of an hundred pounds to put into my lap (as he
expected) each year towards the debt, we found, on the
strictest account of every grain of corn, pint of milk, or
pound of butter, either sold or used in the family, that
the farm did not pay its own way; though he had put
many things on a cheaper plan than before. The inter-
est also swallowed up so great a part of my income, that
it was not possible to keep more than half my family with
what remained. As to the kilns, I had neither money
nor courage to work them. I thought of many expe:
PART III.]
107
MRS. FLETCHER.
dients. I strove, I worked hard, I prayed; and at length
proposed to the members of my family to disperse, and
learn some little business, and I would allow each what I
could.
Great affliction now sat on every face. Tears were
shed in plenty. They alleged, "Till you can get rid of
this place, you must live here. If you leave it empty,
the house will be spoiled, and that will injure the sale;
and we know not what to do, nor how to turn. After
being twenty years with you, (said one,) how strange will
a new situation appear?-And I, (said another,) after
eighteen years? And after being twelve years together,
(said some others,) how hard it is to part!" It was a
most painful time; and I saw there was no way, but first
to sell the place and then disperse.
But now a door seemed to open-a gentleman sent me
word that he would buy the place, stock, lease, and all
together. He was a man both of fortune and of honour,
and really wished to help me out of my difficulties. The
price which he offered would bring me through all, and
leave me a good income. Now I began to look up, and
to form a plan for my future life, how to settle myself,
and dispose of each member of my family. I gave an
account of every particular, and the bargain was in part
made. But, alas! our wisdom is folly !-He took a fever,
and died in a few days! To add to my difficulties, just at
this time my brother wrote me word, that it would be
throwing away the Layton-stone estate to sell it with so
long a lease upon it; and that it could not with any pro-
priety be done. I now saw but one way-to advertise
Cross-hall, and sell it for what I could; and paying that
away as far as it would go, strive yearly to lessen the re-
maining part of the debt by my income: reserving only
fifty pounds per year to live on, and out of it to help my
friends. But I recollected, that I might not live long
enough thus to pay the debt by my income. I had still a
strong confidence in a promise given to me before I went
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[PART III.
THE LIFE OF
to Bath--that no one should lose any thing by me; yet I
thought it was required of me to do every thing in my
power towards it.
I then proposed to myself to keep only twenty pounds
per year. Nay, I thought, how can I have a right even
to twenty? Justice is before mercy. They must all
shift for themselves, and I will do the same. I may per-
haps find some little business by which life may be sus-
tained, till my affairs take a favourable turn. It is true
nobody calls in their money, nor seems to have a fear
concerning it; yet, it is my duty to take the more care
for them, because of their confidence in me. It may be
supposed, as I was daily striving to part with the place,
and expecting to turn out, that my thoughts frequently
were occupied on what way of life I should choose, as
most conducive to the glory of God; and during this
season, the Lord did teach me many lessons of poverty
and resignation. It seemed to me no manner of life could
be disagreeable, if I had but a prospect of having no
debts. One day as I was standing at a window musing
on this subject, I saw a poor man driving some asses
laden with sand, by which he gained his bread. As I
looked on him, a spring of satisfaction ran through my
mind, and I thought,-I am perfectly willing to take up
the business of that man. If I preserve unsold one of
the freehold cottages, the asses might graze on the com-
mon, and I could follow them with something to sell.
There were but few trades which my conscience would
suffer me to follow ; and my abilities were equal to still
fewer. But to any thing in the whole world would I
turn, that was not sinful, rather than remain in debt. I
do not mean that I decided to act thus; but so conformed
was my mind to poverty at this time, that the thought of
even that employment, as it now glanced through it, gave
me a real pleasure. However I had been with my
relations concerning my affairs hitherto, I determined to
conceal all personal wants; for if I voluntarily gave up
open
PART III.]
109
MRS. FLETCHER.
my income, for the payment of my debts, I did not see
it to be just to live on theirs; and this would not have
been difficult, as I had no relation that lived within two
hundred miles.
Sometimes it appeared to me quite clear, that Mr.
Fletcher was the friend God would raise up for me. He
was now much recovered, and about to return to England,
however, I feared to lay any stress on that; but while
thinking on it, I received a letter from a friend, inform-
ing me, that Mr. Fletcher had settled abroad, and pro-
posed to see England no more. This was a false report,
he never had such a thought; but as it came from an
intimate friend, I had reason to believe it. Thus was I
cut off from the prospect of any human help! but I kept
to my old word, "My soul wait thou upon God, from
Him cometh my salvation."
My heart was much oppressed. I had not advertised
the place, because some advised me not, saying it was
the way rather to hurt the sale; nor did any one so much
as inquire after it, though my mind was well known. I
could now only stand still, for I knew not which way to
go. During this suspense, conversing one day with my
friend Mr.***, he said, "Indeed I am at a loss what to
do for you. I thought to have helped you greatly by the
continuance of the farm; but, alas! I wish I had suffered
you to advertise and sell it for any thing six years ago;
and then could have done it. It is now too late.
you
The nation is engaged in wars: you would now sell it for
a trifle. I consulted some friends the other day, who all
agree, that separate from the stock, you must not expect
above six hundred pounds for the whole place. You are
ruined madam !—You withstand the order of God. My
fortune is enough for you and me.—But you cannot see
in my light.-May the Lord stand by you!--But I cannot
think of a partnership any longer, the blame would fall
on me !"
10
110
[PART III.
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The seventh of June
It was now the summer of 1781.
in that year, I entered into my fourteenth year in York-
shire. I had all along an impression, that about that sea-
son something would open. One day as I was walking
up a narrow lane which had a stile at the top, I saw a
flock of sheep before me. The shepherd had hard work
to drive them on; they seemed determined to turn again.
I thought, well they may, for there is no gate, no way
through; what can he wish them to do? He forced them
along, however, with dogs and sticks. I said in my mind,
"These sheep are like me, drove on in a narrow path
without any way to get out." I followed at a distance,
expecting every moment they would turn back upon me,
--when all at once they began to run, and I discovered
a new made gate into a spacious field of turnips. In a
minute they were dispersed, and fell to their full pasture
with great delight. Faith whispered to my heart,-so
shall a door open before you in the appointed time.
That passage of the Psalmist was much impressed on
my mind at this time,-"The rod of the wicked shall
not always remain in the lot of the righteous, lest the
righteous put forth his hand to iniquity. And frequently
those words also came with power, The days shall be
shortened; by which I rather thought, some change
would take place in the beginning of the last year of my
two apprenticeships in Yorkshire. And now the seventh
of June came; and I was almost constrained to say,
Thou hast not delivered thy people at all. There was no
appearance of any such thing; all was dark.
"All was with sable terror hung."
I have continued the narrative unbroken, through this
cloudy and dark day. All was conflict respecting the
creatures; but the Lord tempered the evil with occa;
sional intimations that,
PART III.]
111
MRS. FLETCHER.
"Behind a frowning providence,
He hid a smiling face."
""
-Mrs. Fletcher was thus kept from "growing weary in
well doing," and enabled to "believe in the faithfulness
of Him who knoweth the way of the righteous :” and who
"in every temptation maketh a way for their escape.
The pious reader will wish to know her walk with the
Lord, during this evil day. An extract from her journal
will give a clear view of this; and it will be seen, that
although this blessed woman was thus cast down, she was
not forsaken; though perplexed, she was not, for a moment,
-in despair; she still “looked, not at the things that are
seen, and which are temporal, but at the things which are
not seen, and eternal." She felt her weakness; yea, her
"She
utter helplessness; yet she was still confident.
stood still to see the salvation of God. Ed.
Sunday, December, 1772. My health is yet far from
good. My head is much affected, and it is often presented
to my mind, that I shall have an apoplexy. It is a pain-
ful sensation. Sudden death does not appear to me as
pleasant. I seem not to have my evidence clear for
heaven. “Lord, spare me a little that I may recover
my strength, before I go hence and am no more seen.'
My nerves are very weak, and I feel a lowness which I
think affects my mind as to spiritual things; but I feel a
determination, whether weak or strong, to rise early and
to visit the sick. Lord, give me to make the most of my
short time! and, O Jesus! give me power to keep my
mind always fixed on thyself!
January 16, 1773. Waked early, and was going to
rise, but unprofitable thoughts crowded into my mind.
My distressing situation, as to outward things, seemed
an intolerable burden, and I was betrayed into thinking
of useless plans and schemes, how to avoid this (as
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[PART III.
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up to prayer and reading. I have no opportunity here.
I had nearness to God;
to act for the souls of others.
but a great weight rested on my mind. There were no
lodgings but at the great Inns, and ours was full of
ungodly company. They all ate at one table; but this
I could not bear, therefore I got a bit in my own room
when they had done. However their talking, swearing,
laughing, and music, I was forced to hear all day long.
Sometimes a strange impression came on my mind, that
I should be called to bear my testimony for God to all the
company that were there, but the pain that it brought
with it was exquisite.
After a few days, I was asked to go to Pannel, (about
a mile from Harrowgate,) in order to hold a meeting at
the house of a poor woman, who had taken the preach-
ers in once or twice; at which I found many had been
offended, and threatened much, so that I did not know
what sort of treatment I was likely to meet with. Never-
theless I did not dare to refuse. We had a profitable
time, and all was quiet. Two days after, I heard that
some of the chief opposers were much affected; Glory
be to God!—While we were holding the meeting, a
drunken man came by, and stopped a little while, then
went on to the inn where I lodged, and told some of the
gentlemen, that the lady who lived up stairs was preach-
ing at Pannel. He repeated also some of the words he
had heard me speak. When we came home they watched
us in, and my maid, (who was a pious young woman,)
going into the kitchen, they flocked about her, asking,
in many questions, what her mistress had been doing at
Pannel?
The following Sunday the company sent me a message
up stairs; "That they unanimously requested I would
have such a meeting with them in the great ball-room."
This was a trial indeed! It appeared to me, I should
seem in their eyes as a bad woman, or a stage-player ;~
and I feared they only sought an opportunity to behave
PART III.]
115
MRS. FLETCHER.
rudely. Yet I considered,-I shall see these people no
more till I see them at the judgment seat of Christ. And
shall it then be said to me," You might that day have
warned us, but you would not !"-I answered them im-
mediately, That I would wait on them at the time appoint-
ed. They behaved very well, and the presence of the
Lord was with us. The following Sunday they made the
same request. Much more company came in, even from
High-Harrowgate :-but the Lord bore me through, and,
glory be to him, we had some fruit. The next day I
returned home, better in health, and comfortable in mind,
All praise be to the Lord!
Sunday, Oct. 17. Reflecting on the condition of Israel
at the Red sea,—I thought, there is the picture of my
situation. I also then will "stand still and see the salva-
tion of God. Thy will be done!" Yes, my adorable
Lord, strip me of every penny; bring me not only to
poverty, but what I far more dread, to insolvency. Yes!
strip me even of reputation; let me be as "the filth and
offscouring of all things," only let me have thy approval,
and all shall be well. Yes, I will praise thee for all, and
most for the severe.
Oct. 18. Finding the family (which now consisted of
men and women, boys and girls,) much laid on my mind ;
-in particular the children, some of the biggest of whom
seemed getting into snares ;-and considering that several
must soon (because of my circumstances,) be thrust out
into the world, I spent some time in pleading with the
Lord, that he would not let the expense and labour,
which had been laid out on these orphans, be all in vain,
but that they might be truly brought to God; though I
saw we must be dispersed, through the losses and trials
which are come upon me. The Bible lay open before me,
and I cast my eyes on those words, which were applied
with power to my heart "Yet, behold, there shall be a
remnant that shall be brought forth, both sons and daugh-
ters,-behold, they shall come forth unto thee, and thou
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[PART III.
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shalt see their ways and their doings; and ye shall be
comforted concerning the evil I have brought on Jerusa-
lem. And they shall comfort you when you shall sec
their ways and their doings; and ye shall know that I
have not done without cause, all that I have done, saith
the Lord."
Monday, Nov. 6. I have received some upbraiding
letters, asking me if I yet believed I should see those
words fulfilled, "I will restore to you the ears the
locusts have eaten?" In the midst of my trials, it is
sometimes presented to my mind,-perhaps the Lord
will draw me out of all this by marriage. Opportunities
of this kind occur frequently; but no sooner do I hear
the offer, but a clear light seems to shine on my mind, as
with this voice, you will neither be holier nor happier
with this man. But I find Mr. Fletcher sometimes brought
before me, and the same conviction does not intervene.
-His eminent piety, and the remembrance of some little
acts of friendship in our first acquaintance, look to me
sometimes like a pointing of the finger of Providence.
And yet I fear lest it should be a trick of Satan to hurt my
mind. I know not even that we shall see each other on
this side eternity. Lord, let me not be drawn into a
snare! Well, this I resolve on, to strive against the
thought; and never to do the least thing towards a re-
newal of our correspondence. No-I will fix my eye on
the hundred forty and four thousand: praying only to live
and die to God alone. Whatever is the will of God, I
believe He will show it to me, and may His holy will be
done. A few nights ago, as my mind was burdened lest
Satan was about to get an advantage over me, I cried to
the Lord, and felt much sorrow.
In order to compose
my mind, I did, (what I seldom do,) I prayed the Lord
to direct me in opening to some passage of Scripture,
which might draw me to himself, and compose me into a
quiet frame. I took up, as I thought, a little Bible which
lay before me, but (by accident,) one of the maids had
PART III.]
117
MRS. FLETCHER.
C
put her small common prayer book in the place. With
prayer I opened it, and cast my eyes on these words,
Almighty God who at the beginning did create our first
parents Adam and Eve, and did sanctify and join them
together in marriage; pour upon you the riches of his
grace, sanctify and bless you, that you may please him
both in body and soul, and live together in holy love unto
your lives end." I was struck with the words but saw
the safest way was a quiet attention to the will of my God,
on which I strove to lean my weary spirit.
Monday, November 8. My mind is this morning affect-
ed in a solemn manner. It seems to me I have yet more
of the cross to expect, and more bitter cups to drink.
0 my Lord, what breaking do I need! Well, do all thy
will, so I may but feel that promise accomplished, Thou
shalt walk with me in white. Last night I went to bed
recollected, and in the spirit of prayer, but had a dream
which I cannot understand, though I believe it to be from
God.
Perhaps what I know not now I may know here-
after. I thought I was in a room with S. C. A. T. and
some others. Mr. Fletcher was there sitting with us,
and speaking of the things relating to a walk with God.
At last he said, as it were abruptly, "I must go to Bristol;
will any of you go with me?" A woman who sat by him
said, "No not for the world. You know not what you
will have to suffer, the devil walks there, and you will
have all the powers of hell to grapple with." He
replied, “I care not for ten thousand devils, for the name
of Jesus will conquer them all!" He then turning to me
said, "Will you go with me? Not to help me to fight,
but to help me to praise." I replied, "I will go, for
while we trust in Jesus, all the powers of hell cannot
harm us.”—I had no remembrance during my dream of
his being a single man, or any thing of what had passed
in my mind before. In all I said and did, I seemed acted
upon by another spirit rather than my own.
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[PART III.
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November 15. In reading Mr. Elliot's life this day,
I received a fresh conviction, how blessed an employ-
ment it is to receive and comfort the messengers of the
Lord, who have left their houses, and all the convenien-
ces of life, to preach the gospel. God hath given me a
home, though Christ had not where to lay his head;
and here I have the honour and privilege of giving a
cup of water to his prophets. Lord, teach me to do it
with more diligence !
December 2. This day as brother Bramah was
meeting my band, he related an anecdote of a young
man, which was blest to me. He was leader of a band
of young men, all desirous of giving their whole hearts
to God; but it seemed to them they could not see the
way clearly. One night he dreamed he was at the bot-
tom of a deep but dry well, with his little company. He
told them if they remained there they must perish, and
exhorted them to strive hard to get out. Accordingly
they exerted all their strength endeavouring to get up,
but all in vain. At last they were quite discouraged, and
said, “What must we do?" "Truly," said he, "I know
not ;" but looking up, he saw in the sky a little bright
He
spot which did not appear larger than half a crown.
looked at it for some time, when feeling himself move,
he looked down into the well, and found to his surprise
he was risen some feet from the bottom. As soon how-
ever as he looked down, he began to sink again. 0,
said he, now I have found the way out of the well! It
is by looking steadily on yonder bright spot ;" On which
fixing his eye, he was brought up in a short time, and
his feet were set on firm ground. This discovery of the
way of faith, was greatly blest both to him and his bre-
thren. I am convinced, could I thus constantly look to
Jesus, as the author and finisher of my faith, the work of
sanctification would be going on without hinderance.
December 17. Last Friday I went to Leeds to meet
some classes. O how much do I suffer for every meeting
PART III.]
119
MRS. FLETCHER.
I propose! The enemy follows me hard with such buffet-
ting fears and discouragements as I cannot express.
However I determined to go and leave the event to
God. At Mrs. C.'s many came in to tea, and being a
mixed company, I thought, Lord, give me something
profitable to say, or keep me silent; and blessed be God
it was a profitable time. After tea I conversed alone with
one in deep distress,—and read in the providences she
mentioned, a wonderful display of the wisdom, condescen-
sion, and guardian care of the Lord Jesus. When I
returned into the dining room, a large class was ready for
me, and the Lord was very present. Glory be to his
name, he never fails his poor unworthy dust! Then
Mrs. Clapham asked me if my strength would hold out
to meet the children? I assented, and also found some
liberty. Immediately I began the second class, and there
I found the Lord was very good indeed,—but my strength
almost failed. After the people were gone, I talked
closely with Mr. H. I trust not quite in vain.
It being
now late, we got a little supper, and went to bed. I
had but little rest, being very feverish. Indeed I am
seldom well in a town. Next day we visited several
in peculiar states and circumstances, and here also I saw
the Lord's hand. In the afternoon I returned home in
peace.
December 20. This was on the whole a good day.
Taking some time in the Hermitage, my soul was re-
freshed. My situation is perplexing; but I feel myself
calmly fixed on the will of God. I can, I do believe
He will not let me take any step that is not for his glory.
And if I do not get out of his order, I care for nothing
else.
December 30. Waked early, and after losing some
time, (though kept from unprofitable thoughts,) I arose
about five, and was blest in prayer; but afterwards found
myself very stupid, dull, and heavy. I went to see some
sick people, and their words were animating. I was
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humbled while they recorded several meetings in which
my words had been blest to them O my God, let me not
help others into liberty, and myself remain in bondage.
I heard also to day of some in Leeds that were brought
into a fuller measure of love,-and that they had been
blest ever since my being there. Ah! Lord, how will
this rise against me if I am not filled with Thee! On all
sides I hear of my words being blest, and yet I am only
a poor pipe through which it passes. Lord, let me never
rest till I have full redemption in thy blood. Sometimes
all my soul is on the stretch, but then I rest again, and
other cares my heart divide. How long! O Lord! how
long!
January 1, 1774. And do I yet see another year!
Lord with what improvement? Shine on my soul, while
I examine for an answer. Blessed be thy name! I have
more faith than last year, I have more power, and my
I am more
mouth is more open to speak for Thee.
deeply convinced of my vileness, which is such as
I am also more on stretch for
none can conceive.
holiness.
I
January 15, Friday night. This day I set apart as a
fast. All the morning I was tossed much with thoughts of
temporal difficulties; R. T. being quite unwilling to
come into any scheme I can propose. In the afternoon I
found more liberty in prayer, I was as in an agony.
said, "Lord, if it can be consistent with thy justice to
make such a sinner as me entirely holy, do it! Do it for
thy name's sake! Give me once more what thou gavest
me at Hoxton. Do it, Lord! in thy own way, I submit
myself to any condition; only make and keep me holy."
My life seemed as if it would go from me, and my
and my hands
were so strained by the grasp, (which I afterwards found
they had of each other) that I could hardly use them for
some time. But I did not gain the blessing I wanted.
am
February 6. Blessed be my adorable Saviour
kept from all condemnation. I feel I am so born of God,
:
PART III.]
121
MRS. FLETCHER.
I do not commit sin. But I have not that liberty of soul,
that close communion which I want and believe to be my
privilege. O my Saviour, shine more clearly! Let me
fully enter into the good land!
(C
Saturday, February 19. Glory be to God, I have been
kept in peace this week, and my soul seems nearer to
God. Yet I do not seem to have got "salvation appointed
for walls and bulwarks ;"-I am but a little child. But
Lord, I am thine, save me." As to my outward affairs,
they are not now such a weight,-I have cast them on
the Lord, and I embrace his will. He without whom
a sparrow does not fall to the ground," will not leave
nor forsake his poor helpless creature.
-66
Monday, 22. Yesterday was a day of trial. Mr. ***
preached at Morley, and then came here. He really
grows in grace, and his word is attended with power.
I was much pained in conversing with him to see the
grief of mind occasioned by his attachment. O my God,
indulge me in this! Show me some way out of this
embarrassment !
Saturday, 27. A solemn day to my soul. I was kept
in peace while busy in domestic affairs. Home always
agrees with my soul. It is seven weeks to-morrow since
I have been constantly kept as the clay before the pot-
ter yet still how far below my privilege I live!
Sunday, September 26. I did not rise quite in so
spiritual a frame as I wished. Lord, let me not lose
ground. I was blest in the meeting afterward;—and in
reading the Essay on Truth, in Mr. Fletcher's equal check,
page 162. Lord, give me to live in that constant act of
faith! It is the very marrow of the Gospel. How delight-
fully it is distinguished from Antinomian presumption! It
has of a truth been food to my soul. In prayer this night
I found power to lay open all my troubles before the
Lord, and to take fast hold on that word, "Seek ye first
the kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all these
things shall be added unto you." I cannot tell how to
11
122
[PART III.
THE LIFE OF
express the power I felt in those words, All these things!
I saw Jesus had undertaken my whole cause.
December. I feel my faith rather increased. I have
this day been examining the state of my soul, as to the
progress I have made this year,—and inquiring of the
Lord why I do not grow much faster, and sink into a
much deeper acquaintance with God. It appears to me
that the reason is, I do not valiantly resist every thought
that presents itself, but suffer my eyes to be turned off
from my Saviour.-In particular, I lose much time in
searching for ways out of my present trials. It seems
often a duty to do so; and my mind is carried away, till
recalled by that word,
"Thou canst not make one hair
white or black.”
February 1, 1775. I was much blest at the Wednes-
day meeting. For some time these words have been
with me, "Delight thyself in the Lord, and he will give
thee the desire of thy heart.”
February 28. I fear my soul has lost ground this
month. O what a narrow path do we tread! How true
also is that word,-Without me ye can do nothing! In the
beginning of this month I wrote that precious word,
Delight thyself in the Lord; but, alas! instead of delight, I
feel sorrow of heart! A little time since I had a particu
lar trial with ****. What was proposed, seemed hard
and unreasonable; and I forgot the Christian motto, "Do
good, and suffer ill." I got my eye turned off from Jesus,
and then I no longer felt the love that never faileth.
This deeply wounded me. At night I felt a drop of
healing balm, but my spirit remains to this day much
discouraged.
May. I am a woman of a sorrowful spirit. My affairs
are perplexing indeed! Yet something seems to say, It
is for an appointed time. But all this I should not regard,
if my soul was always filled with love. I sometimes
seem to get all obstacles removed, and then I reflect the
image of my Saviour, and all is quiet, calm, and peace.
PART III.]
123
MRS. FLETCHER.
Floods of trial do not seem to move me. But though I
thus taste of the pure river now and then, I do not abide
in the faith, and therefore I do not abide in liberty.
May 28. This day I set apart for prayer, to inquire
of the Lord, why I am so held in bondage about speaking
in public. It cannot be expressed what I suffer,-it is
known only to God what trials I go through in that
respect. Lord, give me more humility, and then I shall
not care for any thing but Thee! There are a variety
of reasons why it is such a cross. The other day one
told me,—" He was sure I must be an impudent woman
no modest woman, he was sure, could proceed thus.'
Ah! how glad would nature be to find out,-Thou Lord
dost not require it! Mr. William Bramah observed to-
day, "The reason why your witness is not more clear,
is because you do not glorify God by believing, and more
freely declaring what he hath done for your soul." He
spake much on these words,-" What things soever ye
ask in prayer, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall
have them." His words came with power, and my soul
got a further hold on Jesus. I do see that by his death
he hath purchased perfect salvation for all who believe;
and that we receive it in proportion as we thus believe.
"Be it unto you according to your faith," is the word of
the Lord. Then I will, I do cast my whole soul on thee!
O let me find salvation as walls and bulwarks !
September 10, Sunday. I rose this morning with a
sore weight on my mind. It was given out for me to
be at D. There was much wind and rain, and the
roads were very bad. I feared the journey. I feared
also I should have nothing to say when I came there ;-
I feared all manner of things. Those words, however,
came to my mind, "Take no thought what ye shall say.”
I then felt myself led to consider those words, "Repent!
for the kingdom of heaven is at hand." I found some
liberty in speaking from them, and the people were
affected. As I was riding back, I clearly saw I was called
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[PART II.
THE LIFE OF
to stand still; to live the present moment, and always
to praise the Lord that His will was done, though I might
have much to suffer. I had a clear conviction, God
brought me to Yorkshire, and that I had a message to
this people and that notwithstanding the darkness which
hung over my situation, I was at present where God
would have me. Well then, answered my heart, if I am
but in His will I am safe; for where the Lord leads me,
there He will be my light.
:
September 12, Tuesday. This day I am thirty-six
years old. I have been throughout the day kept in the
spirit of prayer. Lord, I offer up myself, body and soul,
to Thee! It came to me, Thy captivity is long. Well, I
will wait thy time, O Lord!
November 5, Sunday. Did not rise early, but was
kept recollected. In the morning I was watchful as to
words, but at noon I talked too long with A. T. That is
an admirable rule of Mr. Wesley's, never to be more
than an hour in the same company where it can be
avoided. I also spoke some evil of M. M. by repeating
what was not needful. O when shall I know what that
meaneth, "He that offendeth not in word, the same is a
perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body.”
November 12, Sunday. Went to bed late last night,
but in a degree recollected, though rather hurried with
fear, lest I should lie too long in the morning. When I
rose I found the weather was very severe. However I
went to A-. The extreme cold almost took away my
senses. Yet we had a comfortable meeting, and many
people.
January 5, 1776. I find it very hard to be recollected
in private prayer. To-day I tried the following plan
with some advantage. I placed my watch on the bed,
that I might know when the hour was out. I first strove
to consider myself as in the presence of God,:
as before
the throne worshipping with the heavenly host. Then
I strove with recollection to repeat the Lord's prayer,
PART III.]
125
MRS. FLETCHER.
In the
giving each sentence full scope in my mind.
words-Our Father, I felt a powerful remembrance of
Him, "after whom the whole family in heaven and earth
is named," and with delight I then repeated, Hallowed
be thy name! That sentence, Thy kingdom come, was
much opened to my soul. I see that kingdom is the great
promise of the Father, which Christ said he would send
upon his children. That indeed is "the kingdom which
suffers violence, and the violent take it by force." As
I repeated, Thy will be done on earth, as it is in heaven,
I felt
"The will of God, my sure defence."
Nor earth, nor hell, can pluck me thence."
Give us this day our daily bread. Is He not our own
Father? Is He not engaged to provide for his babes?
Well then, thought I, freedom from debt is more to me
than bread, and will he not preserve me from this? It
was then brought to my mind, "The Lord is my Shep-
herd, I shall not want." In the next petition, Forgive
me as I forgive. Oh! what a cry did I feel for more
love! Lord, must I say,
"That mercy
I to others show,
That mercy show to me?"
Ah no! I will rather cry out,
"Mercy, good Lord! mercy I ask,
It is the total sum;
For mercy, Lord, is all my plea,
O let thy mercy come.”
*With what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to
you again!" O how would that cut me off from all hope,
were it not for those words,-" The blood of Jesus
cleanseth from all sin!" Lead us not into temptation.
How hath this prayer been answered to me! How would
I have ran into ruin, but thou didst not suffer the tempta-
tion to approach. Thou didst keep my powers as with
11 *
126
[PART III.
THE LIFE OF
bit and bridle, and conquered for me; and that when I
did not strive, or even know my danger! But deliver us
from evil. Lord, I am a desolate woman, who hath no
helper but thee. O keep me from evil of every kind
CC
thoroughly purge away my dross, and take away all my
tin." For all is thine for ever and ever. This I am
assured of, when the soul turns inward to seek the Lord,
that moment he turns to it and smiles upon it; and if it
abides with Him, it will always grow. But as of a
healthy child, one does not see it grow, and yet it doth;
so the soul, surrounded by temptation, may not discover
its growth; nevertheless the sun does not more freely
give its light and warmth to the earth, than the beams of
the immaterial Sun meets the seeking soul.
January 21. I went to-day to see some sick, among
whom was the mother of a young man, who about four
years ago came to our Sunday night's meeting. It
pleased the Lord to awaken him, and soon after he died
happy. On his death bed, he entreated his mother and
sister, that they would attend the meetings as he had
done. Some time after, the eldest sister came to me for
advice among the other patients. Conversing with her,
I perceived she had some convictions, and invited her to
meet with a few persons which I had collected. She did
so, and seemed to drink in instruction as the parched
ground the softening shower. After a few weeks she was
set at liberty. She was now desirous her mother might
share in her felicity. She begged me to visit her, as she
was too infirm to come out. Accordingly I went, but
found her so ignorant, and so exceedingly weak as to her
understanding, that it seemed almost impossible to do her
any good. After some time, she appeared under some
concern; and her complaint then was, to use her own
words, “O that I could but get a smile from God!" Her
convictions continued to increase, and she would cry,
"O what shall I do? Shall I never be saved! O how
easily did Betty come to it, while I cannot get one smile,
PART III.]
127
MRS. FLETCHER.
no not one look from God! The face of the Almighly is
all dark to me, as dark as darkness itself." The Lord
was then pleased to lay her on a sick bed, in a very pain-
ful disorder. Finding nothing gave her any relief, and
believing she must die, she was in great distress, and said
to her daughter, "My dear, my pain is greater than I
can bear! I cannot live over this night. I pray thee go
to Mistress, and see if she can order me something."
“O mother,” said she, “I know not how to go, we have
had so much in former illnesses. I fear it will seem as
if we were imposing on her: let me go to the doctor
again!" The old woman lying in great distress, at length
cried out," Thou wilt order me a medicine, Lord! I can
believe thou wilt. But shall I have no share in thy
glory?" Then, as she expressed it, "It went through
my mind with power, I will have mercy on thee! I will
receive thee at the eleventh hour!' O what did I then
feel! such comfort came over me, as I can never tell.
I did not mind the pain, I believed it would be removed.
But my soul! O! what a change did it feel! Why, the
dark face of God was all light! I thought before, that he
hated me for my sins; but now I saw he loved me. Yes,
I saw he had loved me all my life, and had been inviting
me to come to him ;-but I did not understand. And
now, O! how I love him! Yes, I love my God better
than I ever loved my best bairn (child.) O it is a brave
thing! And what a change it makes! Why, one is quite a
new creature! And it has made me see things quite
different from what I did before. I used to chafe and
fret, when any thing went wrong, and thought things
were very hard; but now I see nothing is hard, all is
love! So, I never do complain now.
**
*As it was in the days of the personal ministry of the Son of God, so
it is in these His Spirit's Gospel days-" He hides those things from the wise
and prudent, and revealeth them unto babes.-The weary and heavy-laden,
who believe." Matthew xi. 25-30. How easy it is to orget this! How
hard to keep it in remembrance, and to allow it its due weight! Did ever
any man, since the days of St. Paul, more fully, or more constantly, appre-
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Her daughter came to me, and told me (as well as she
could,) how her mother was; but her disorder was so
peculiar, and so badly described, that I was on the point
of saying, I cannot do any thing for her, when all at once
a mixture came into my mind. I went and made it up.
The first spoonful gave her ease; and soon after quite
removed the disorder. All I can say on this extraordi-
The medicine
nary case is, the Lord would have it so.
was not an opiate, but in itself a very simple thing; but
when the Lord will bless, who shall stay his hand.—Thou
art a God who hears and answers prayer!
January 30. Last night I met the classes at A
i
Much of the power of the Lord was present. But, Oh!
I am not what I would be, Lord! How is it, I seem to
get so slowly forward? This morning I rose early, and
found it good. Self-denial agrees well with my soul, but.
I use too little of it.
February 4. Last Wednesday I had a remarkable pre-
servation. Going to take my bark mixture, my mind being
much taken up with what I had been writing, I took a bot-
tle of laudanum, which through a strange providence was
then not locked up,-a circumstance which seldom hap-
pens. I took four tea spoonfuls and a half of it. As soon
as I had swallowed it, I perceived what it was ;-and
thought I must take a large dose of ipecacuanha. I look-
ed for it, but could not find it, though it stood very near
me. I knew my life depended on the present moment;
-and thought, perhaps the Lord has appointed to take
me this way. I found my mind calmly stayed on God,
and those words came across it, "These signs shall fol-
low those that believe :--if they drink any deadly thing
it shall not hurt them." I went into Mrs. Crosby's room,
"I
ciate this than Mr. Wesley? It was the principle that governed and
directed his whole life and labours; and on which account he denominated
the fruit of those labours-" The work of God." A work which HE
began, supported, and prospered; and in respect to which Mr. Wesley,
notwithstanding his unparalleled activity, always considered himself as a
mere passive instrument.
Ed
PART III.]
129
MRS. FLETCHER.
in prayer.
and told them what had happened. Having medicines in
the parlour, we went down to look there for the ipeca-
cuanha, but there was none. We returned to my room,
and found it. I took about 30 grains. We then joined
For half an hour it had no effect. I thought
it would then have no power, as the opiate must in that
time have taken hold of the nerves of the stomach.
But it soon after operated, and brought up (it seems,)
both the laudanum and ipecacuanha. Fearing the whole
had not come away, they gave me another dose; but
that had no effect at all. I felt however not the least
inconvenience. In the night, I a little rambled, and was
restless, but not ill. On the whole, it was a comfortable
dispensation. I had been always tempted to think, if I
should be called to face death in full health, I should
shrink from it. But now that I fully believed it to be
just before me, my soul did calmly wait on the Lord,
though not with joy, yet with quiet peace!
Last night I dreamed, I was telling the Lord, He was
the loadstone, and my soul the needle. That his will
was the north pole, to which my heart should turn, how-
I have
ever tossed about. To-day Miss Ritchie came.
had some profitable conversation with her. She is indeed
a blessed soul; and I feel more of the immediate pre-
sence of God since that conversation.
May 5. I had a meeting some days ago at B-
where an odd circumstance occurred. I observed, (as I
and
was speaking on these words,-The Master is come,
calleth for thee,) a gentleman among the congregation,
who looked with great earnestness. As soon as the meet-
ing was over, I rode home, where I had not long been,
till this man came after me. He is a stranger, and came
into these parts about business. He felt a great alarm
in his soul; and declared he had always before thought
himself very righteous :-but he now feared he should
go to hell; and insisted on telling me his whole life, and
confessing, (as he termed it,) all his sins. He was very
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[PART III.
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long; and I feared there was in his mind a mixture of
insanity. He told me he was building a house for an
assembly, but he would go home and turn it into a
preaching-house, if I would come and speak in it, that
his neighbours might get the light he had got. I strove
to prevail on him to return to the friend's house from
whence he came, and to set off the next morning for his
own country, where he told me he had a good wife and
family; but he insisted he would not leave me till he
had found the Lord! At length he said he felt some
comfort, and would go and spend most of the night in
prayer. Next morning he was more calm; and on my
promising to answer him if he wrote to me, he went
away. Satan made use of this occurrence to bring me
into discouragement, respecting public speaking; but
some years after I heard a most pleasing account of this
gentleman, That he had indeed turned his assembly-
house into a Methodist preaching-house, and that himself
and family were joined to the society.
June 11, Tuesday. Mrs. Westerman came here on
the Thursday before Whitsunday, and staid ten days.
She came in full expectation of a blessing;-and in the
Sunday night meeting, as I was in the last prayer, I felt
it on my mind to plead with the Lord, that he would seal
some soul as his abode that night. Just then the answer
came. She felt the heart of stone taken away, and has
ever since rejoiced with exceeding joy. Tuesday
I went to B. When we came, we found the man at
whose house we were to have been, died that morning.
Another offered his barn, though with seeming fear ;-
but when we came to the house, he either could not, or
would not, find the key. So we stood in an open place,
with some serious people from other parts, and some of
the careless inhabitants. However all behaved well, and
I found liberty in enforcing those words, "Acquaint now
thyself with God, and be at peace,--hereby good shall
come unto thee."
PART III.]
131
MRS. FLETCHER.
July 20. This day I found a good deal of liberty in
prayer, especially in pleading, “If it be thy will I should
be holy-if it be the great design of thy death,—O then
let it all be answered on thy poor creature. Let all thy
will be done!" It seems to me I fall short in every thing.
I am continually making rules and plans, and yet I keep
to none with any degree of exactness. Nevertheless, I
see it well to make them ;-for though I never come up
to what I propose, yet I always gain something: every
fresh effort seems to put me a little forward. I have of
late been reading Dr. Cheyne's works. I see self-denial
very beautiful, and of profit both for soul and body.
July 24. H. S. gave a good account of the work
wrought on her soul. I think it is about three months
ago I providentially met with her in a class which I went
to meet about a mile from home. She appeared that
night all ear, and quite awakened to the desire of loving
God with all her heart. I felt much liberty in conversing
with her, and asked her to come to the meeting, which
she did the first opportunity, and seemed quite broke
down ;-expressing herself in such a manner concerning
her inbred sin, as plainly showed the Lord had plucked
away every covering. While we were at prayer, she
felt a degree of living faith; and last night she gave the
following account :-" After I left you I was very happy.
I went to bed wondering at the great miracle Jesus had
wrought in saving such a sinner. When I awoke in the
morning, (O what a precious morning to me!) I had an
impression as if my dear Lord stood just by me and said,
'I will cause all my goodness to pass before thee.' I
cried out, 'O it is thee, my Lord!' Then the words
came to me, 'I have set thee as a signet upon mine arm,
as a seal upon my heart. Thy sun shall no more go
down. I will be thine everlasting light, and thy God,
thy glory.' O what rapture did I feel, and so I do still!
He is all day long speaking so sweetly to me, and I have
such views of his glorious love as I cannot express! O
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never sure did the Lord do such a miracle! For I do
believe there never was such a vile polluted creature as
I have been !"*
at
August 30. Yesterday it was given out for me to be
For a whole month it lay on my mind. None,
O my God, but thyself, knows what I go through for every
public meeting! I am often quite ill with the prospect.
When the day came, the wind was violent, which is a
thing I have a great fear of, because it so affects my
head; for after riding several miles in it, I am scarcely
in my senses. And I suppose it is worse to me, not hav-
ing been used to ride on horse-back till I came into
Yorkshire. A little before I set out, I said, “O Lord,
thou canst still the wind;-but Thy will be done." When
we had got about a hundred yards from the house, the
wind fell, and we had no more trouble from it all the way.
My hearing was much affected at this time, so that I fear-
ed I should not be able to converse with any person.
But before I got to the place, my hearing was as good as
ever it was in my life,-and I was not at all fatigued!
There were many persons got together; and after spend-
ing about two hours with them, the time for the meeting
drew on. We went to a barn prepared for that purpose
by the kind friend who had invited us. There was a good
congregation; and I found some enlargement in speaking
"Hath
on those words, which came then to my mind,
the Lord as much delight in sacrifices and burnt-offerings
as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey
is better than to sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of
rams. As I was speaking on the word Hearken, I felt
the Lord peculiarly present. The people would fain
have had me stay all night; but for some reasons I
thought it better to return ;-which we immediately did,
and reached home a little before eleven.
وو
*There are ten thousand happy believers that would dispute that
point with her.
Ed.
PART III.]
133
MRS. FLETCHER.
September 7, Tuesday. Glory be to God! this has
been a comfortable day. My soul is in sweet expecta-
tion that I shall be filled with the Spirit; and that I shall
yet see the time, when by my whole life I shall bring
glory to God. I feel power to abandon my whole cause
into His hand. O Lord, thou hast undertaken for me, I
feel thou hast; I feel also great resignation as to the life
or death of Thy dear servant. O keep him, Lord, as
the apple of thine eye. I believe Thou wilt order all right;
and I shall regard him with an immortal friendship, that
will be free from snares, and all divine. But it is strange,
when I am offering him up, the words come,
"The
of faith shall heal the sick, and the Lord shall
prayer
raise him up." I do not understand, but I stand still.
September 14. Yesterday I was a good deal oppressed.
I had undertaken to meet the old members of our society
apart, and to propose to them a renewal of our covenant;
-to set our hearts and hands afresh to the work of God.
Glory be to his name, I was carried better through it
than I could have hoped for. Some little touches of
enthusiasm were beginning to creep in among us, which
I thought the more dangerous as the meeting now grows
very numerous, members being added from all sides.
Yet was it a great trial to me to have to reprove them,-
1. Because many are much farther advanced in grace
than I am. 2. I was deeply conscious it is one of the
most delicate subjects in the world, and requires both
much wisdom and much love, to extinguish false fire,
and yet to keep up the true. All the day I kept plead-
ing before the Lord, mostly in these words of Solomon-
"Ah! Lord, how shall I, who am but a child, go in and
out before this thy chosen people?"
September 17, Tuesday. Glory be to thee, my faith-
ful Lord! O that I could always trust! Then I should
always praise! Last Sabbath morning I went, according
to appointment, to Goker. I arose early, and in pretty
good health. The day was fine, though rather hot. About
12
134
[PART III.
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وو
eleven we came to Huddersfield, and called on Mrs. H.
She had asked me to lodge there on my return, and have
a meeting, saying, many had long desired it, and there
would be no preacher there on that day. I felt immedi-
ately the people laid on my mind, and that I had a mes-
sage to that place,—and said, if the Lord permit, I will.
She then said, "We will give it out at noon.
We rode
forward. Benjamin Cock met us, and kindly conducted
us over the moors. When we came to his hut, all was
clean, and victuals enough provided for twenty men!
But I was so heated with the ride, (near twenty miles,)
and with the great fire on which they so liberally cooked
for us, that I could not eat. My drinking nothing but
water seemed also quite to distress them. They said
the meeting had been given out in many places, and they
believed we should have between two and three thousand
people. That I did not believe ;-but there was indeed
such a number,-and of such a rabble as I scarce ever
At one we went out to the rocks,—a place so wild
that I cannot describe it. The crowd which got round
us was so great, that by striving which should get first, to
the quarry, (where we were to meet,) they rolled down
great stones among the people below us, so that we feared
mischief would be done. Blessed be God, none were
hurt! I passed on among them on the top of the hill,
not knowing whither I went. Twice I was pushed down
by the crowd, but rose without being trampled on.
stopped on the edge of a spacious quarry filled with peo-
ple, who were tolerably quiet. I gave out that hymn,
The Lord my pasture shall prepare, &c. When they were
a little settled, I found some liberty in speaking to them,
and I believe most heard. As we returned into the house,
numbers followed and filled it so full we could not stir.
I conversed with them, but could not get much answer.
They stood like people in amaze, and seemed as if they
could never have enough. Many wept and said, “When
will you come again?" We then set off for Hudders-
saw.
We
PART III]
135
MRS. FLETCHER.
field. I felt very much fatigued, and began to think
how shall I be able to fulfil my word there? As we rode
along, brother Taylor said, "I think I ought to tell you
my mind.—I wish we could ride through Huddersfield,
and not stop. For I know there are some there, who do
not like women to speak among them, and I fear
you will
meet with something disagreeable." I looked to the
Lord, and received, as it seemed to me, the following
direction,-If I have a word to speak from Him, He will
make my way. If not, the door will be shut. I am only
to show the meekness of wisdom, and leave all to God.
Those words then came with power to my mind,
"The Lord my pasture shall prepare,
And feed me with a shepherd's care;
His presence shall my wants supply,
And guard me with a watchful eye :
My noonday walks he shall attend,
And all my inidnight hours defend."
When we got to Huddersfield, I told them the con-
versation we had had by the way, and the posture of my
mind; which was calm as the limpid stream, and quiet
as an infant. I perceived his fears were not groundless,
and said, “Well, my friends, I will do as you will, either
stay with you this night, or go forward directly, for I fol-
low a lamb-like Lord, and I would imitate his life and
spirit." They said, they believed but few of the princi
pal persons had any objection; and the people much
desired it ;-besides, as it had been given out at noon,
there would be a great many strangers whom it would
not be well to disappoint. It was then agreed that we
should have the meeting in the house, where they
usually had the preaching; but when we came there, the
crowd was very great, and the place so hot, that I feared
I should not be able to speak at all. I stood still, and
left all to God. A friend gave out a hymn; during which
some fainted away. Brother Taylor said, "I perceive
it is impossible for us to stay within doors, the people can-
€
136
[PART III.
THE LIFE OF
not bear the heat, and there are more without than
are within."
We then came out. My head swam with
the heat; I scarce knew which way I went, but seemed
carried along by the people, till we stopped at a horse-
block, placed against a wall on the side of the street with
a plain wide opening before it. On the steps of this I
stood, and gave out, "Come, ye sinners, poor and needy,
&c." While the people were singing the hymn, I felt a
renewed conviction to speak in the name of the Lord.
My bodily strength seemed to return each moment.-I
felt no weariness, and my voice was stronger than in the
morning, while I was led to enlarge on these words,
"The Lord is our Judge, the Lord is our Lawgiver, the
Lord is our King, He will save us. I felt great enlarge-
ment while endeavouring to show the purity of our Judge,
whose eyes could endure no iniquity. That as a Law-
giver he was just and holy, and the thing gone out of his
lips must stand :-The soul that sinneth shall die. But the
Lord is also our King, and he will save us. First, By
convincing us of the purity of His law, and the justness
of our punishment, who have broken it. Secondly, By
making us tremble before that Judge, whose eyes are as
a flame of fire. Thirdly, By leading us to Him, who is
cur "Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righ-
teous," who now manifests himself to the soul, as the
propitiation for our sins.—And, Fourthly, As a King he
goes on in the believer conquering and to conquer,-till
the eternal reign of Jesus commences in the soul; which
as the "morning light grows brighter and brighter unto
the perfect day ;"-till " the perfect love which casts out
all fear," marks the soul as the abode and "habitation of
God through the Spirit." Deep solemnity sat on every
face. I think there was scarce a cough to be heard, or
the least motion; though the number gathered was very
great. So solemn a time I have seldom known; my voice
was clear enough to reach them all; and when we con-
cluded I felt stronger than when we began.
PART III.]
137
MRS. FLETCHER.
out.
The
They then desired me to speak to each of the women
joined in the society, which took me till near ten.
room we went into for that purpose, was a damp stone
floor, so that I could hardly move my legs when I came
But they kindled a fire, and after getting some re-
freshment, I grew better. About twelve I went to bed,
and rested under the shadow of the Almighty till morning,
when I found myself remarkably well. After having
breakfasted with brother Goldthorp, where we had a
lively conversation concerning holiness, I came home with
much thankfulness and peace.
:
I have
I have many
duties
they know nothing
October 8. I was to-day at Clackhigh-town and saw
the hand of the Lord in many things. I have been more
abundantly led to reflect on the difficulties of the path I
am called in. I know the power of God which I felt
when standing on the horse-block in the street at Hud-
dersfield but at the same time I am conscious how ridicu-
lous I must appear in the eyes of many for so doing.
Therefore, if some persons consider me as an impudent
woman, and represent me as such, I cannot blame them.
Again, many say, If you are called to preach, why do you
not do it constantly, and take a round as a preacher? I
answer, Because that is not my call.
to attend to, and many cares which
about. I must therefore leave myself to His guidance
who hath the sole right of disposing of me. Again they
say, Why do you not give out, I am to preach? Why
call it a meeting ?" I answer, Because that suits my
design best. First, It is less ostentatious. Secondly, It
leaves me at liberty to speak more or less as I feel my-
self led. Thirdly, It gives less offence to those who
watch for it. Others object, Why, yours is a Quaker
call; why then do you not join them at once? You are
an offence to us. Go to the people whose call is the same
as your own; here nobody can bear with you." I
answer, Though I believe the Quakers have still a good
deal of God among them, yet, I think the Spirit of the
66
CC
12 *
138
[PART III.
THE LIFE OF
Lord is more at work among the Methodists ;
and while
I see this, though they were to toss me about as a foot-
ball, I would stick to them like a leech. Besides, I do
nothing but what Mr. Wesley approves; and as to
reproach thrown by some on me, what have I to do with
it, but quietly go forward, saying, I will be still more vile,
if my Lord requires it? Indeed for none but thee, my
Lord, would I take up this sore cross. But Thou hast done
more for me. O do thy own will upon me in all things!
Only make me what thou wouldst have me to be? Only
make me holy, and then lead me as thou wilt!
>
August, 1777. I heard Mr. Wesley preach from
these words, "Dearly beloved, as strangers and pilgrims,
abstain from fleshly lusts which war against the soul." A
sweet discourse it was, showing the great danger of every
earthly gratification. This lesson, he said, might be
learned even from the body. As often as we take down
food, we swallow so many seeds of death, by causing so
many more particles of earth to adhere to, and clog our
vessels, and so hasten our dissolution. And without
great watchfulness so it would be with our souls. If we
were not on our guard, human comforts received would
also bring the soul nearer to death, instead of being a
step to life. It is truly said of worldly joy, "It does with
powerful charm hold down the mind, and sensualize the
soul."
Sunday noon. I heard him on these words, "If thou
canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.".
His strength was wonderful, and much power attended
the word.-Lord, be the strength of thy dear servant,
and his portion for ever! At night he lodged with us.
August 14.
Last night dear Mr. Wesley came here
again. After supper he read a letter from Lady Maxwell,
in which she expresses a most sweet state of soul ob-
serving, that if the name of Jesus is but mentioned, her
heart is like the key of a well-tuned instrument, when
PART III.]
139
MRS. FLETCHER.
its unison is touched. O how sweet a progress has she
made! Lord, let me do so likewise!
Last Thursday Mr. Wesley preached at Daw-green,
on, "I will give to every one of you according to your
works." First, he considered What were the works.
Secondly, What the reward. The works, he said, were
threefold. First, What the man is. Secondly, What he
does. Thirdly, What he suffers. 1. All he is, that is
right, shall have its reward ;-All "the fruit of the Spirit
-love, joy, peace; long-suffering, meekness, patience,
faith, self-denial, fortitude :”—all these are the work of
God, and all received through Christ-above all, love,
which is the image of God. 2. All he does, all his works
of piety and mercy, all that is wrought in faith. Nay,
the most common labours of his daily business, if done in
a spirit of sacrifice, shall not be forgotten; for it is said
of servants, by the Apostle, for their encouragement, that
when they 66
obey and serve men, with singleness of
heart, they serve the Lord Jesus Christ." 3. All he suf-
fers. Not one cross taken up in obedience to the will of
God, but it shall have its reward.-But what is the
reward? First, The very nature of each grace necessa-
rily brings its reward. The more faith, patience, cou-
rage, and perseverance, the more holiness will be brought
into the soul, and consequently, the soul will be ren-
dered more like God, and more capable of fellowship
with Him and in proportion to our fellowship with
God, must be our happiness. But besides these, there
is a reward of infinite free mercy (over and above what
Hows from inherent holiness) bestowed on each grace,
and on each action done for God, and each cross borne
for his sake.
I felt it come with power to my soul. O for a full
devotedness to thee, my God! I see I am quietly to wait
on thee, though my crosses are very heavy in many ways.
But the will of the Lord be done!
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September 12. This day 38 years I was born.-
Solemn thought! O how far have I spent these thirty-
eight years for God? What is my situation, outward
and inward? Outward, it is very trying;-my circum-
stances are very perplexing.-But I hold fast my
former promises. "Christ charges himself with all thy
temporal affairs-While you charge yourself with those
that relate to his glory. I am determined to make Zion
my chief care, though I know not what the Lord is about
to do with me. I have a great family, and not an income
left sufficient to keep them, which obliges me to sink
something every year. The business hurts instead of
helping; and though Mr. *** is sure it will the next
year do far otherwise, I cannot believe it. It appears
to me, deliverance will begin by bringing me out of this
place, dividing the family, and contracting my wide-
spread cares into one, viz. the cause of God only. But
how this will be brought about I know not ;-for though
I keep putting out the children as fast as they grow up,
yet that is attended with much expense, and I have many
grown persons whom I know not how to provide for, nor
find any way to dispose of. They are good sincere souls,
and they live to God. Some of them also are very weak
in body, and advanced in years. When I have settled
all the accounts, I am led to believe, it will be the order
of God for me to go down to Bath and Bristol for six
months.-Nine months ago I got a fall, which hath made
me in a degree lame ever since. Bath may help that
--but I believe I have something to do for souls in those
places, and I shall be glad to be at a distance from poor
Mr. ***. O how sad it is! I fear while he helps me,
I hurt him. Lord! what a situation is mine!
But how is it with me inwardly? On the whole I have
found my mind more stayed on God this last year, and
my confidence in his loving protection is a good deal
increased. That sore temptation of fear, by which I
have suffered so much in going out in the work of God,
PART III.]
141
MRS. FLETCHER.
I have found a good deal removed by prayer. I have
had freedom and some success in dealing with souls. But
I am not all athirst for full salvation. I do not feel that
ardent desire after it, which swallows up every other
care and desire. I have yet some prospects on earth,
which I cannot fully look over. They present them-
selves before me, and I do not feel,-deeply feel, the
force of these words-"It is far better to depart, and
be with Christ." Again, many cares divide my soul.
I know not if ever I shall get this place sold; or ever
pay my debts. Every thing sinks me deeper in that
respect. It is amazing what losses and trials I have!
Yet I feel my anchor cast in the will of God. I fear,
however, that I have departed from his close embrace,
and therefore He hath encompassed my way with thorns.
~Well, I will, I do embrace his justice, as well as his
mercy! Both "his rod and his staff shall comfort me!"
It is an easy matter to believe when all goes smoothly
about us.
But now is the time for my faith to have its
full exercise. Nothing but ruin in temporal things seems
before me, and I am upbraided by many as being a fool.
They say,
Why does not she turn them all out of
doors Nay, some who should know better, cast the
same in my teeth! Yet with all my endeavours I see no
way out.-To turn them out of doors!-I have no light
for that. Still I seem called to believe, God will make a
way for each, and remove them in his own time and man-
ner. Still I trust that I shall see accomplished those words,
so powerfully applied at Layton-stone," Thou shalt lay
up gold as the dust, and the gold of Ophir as the stones
of the brook; yea, the Almighty shall be thy defence,
and thou shalt have plenty of silver." What I understand
by these words is, that a time shall come when I shall
owe no one any thing, and have plenty to carry on such
designs as the Lord shall lay on my heart for his glory.
That he will bring me out of this place, and provide
some way for every member to be removed, so that I
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shall say,-Now is fulfilled that word, "Thou shalt de-
cree a thing, and it shall be established unto thee, and
light shall shine on thy path." But here is the difficulty,
how absurd does it appear to go on with a great house-
hold, running me out on every side! How ridiculous
will distress so brought on make me appear in the eyes
of all! That thought has made me strive and struggle
every way to throw it off, but it seems the Lord always
frustrates my endeavours, and I am forced to sit down at
his foot-stool again, with that thought, "My time is in
His hand, and He knows how to deliver." It is hard to
believe against seeming impossibilities. Yet it comes to
my mind, God does bless me in believing spiritual things
that are above my powers; but these are only temporal.
Will he bless that exercise of faith? It is certain Abra-
ham's faith was tried in temporal things,-and through
the temporal difficulties, he held fast faith in the spiritual.
-Israel was called into a temporal Canaan, prefiguring
the spiritual ;—and I cannot divide two ideas which con-
tinually seem to dwell together in my mind, viz.-That
I shall be delivered from all my spiritual enemies, and
brought into a most perfect liberty of soul, as soon as I
am delivered from the temporal; and that I shall first
praise the Lord for the fulfilment of the above promises,
and then for full salvation !
October 28. Glory be to God, he is yet working
among us!
Last week Sally Lawrence was set at liberty,
and the change is very evident. Yesterday as I was
meeting her, she said, "O! had I known what the love
of God was, sure I should never have rested so long
without it! I have often found great joy, but there was
always a sting in the end. Some thought or other would
come and take away the pleasure; but now I find a plea-
sure in God without any sting. Last week I felt a change,
and many promises; but I had not a clear evidence. Yet
I thought, I do feel in many things as I never did before.
However, as you were saying in the class last Tuesday,-
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MRS. FLETCHER.
that we ought to rejoice evermore, and the way so to do,
was to praise the Lord for what he had done; I thought,
then I will try to do so. Accordingly I spoke more freely
than I should otherwise have done, and while I spoke,
I found more power to believe.-But on Friday, while
you were meeting the children, I found my evidence
quite clear. These words were applied to my mind,
There is no condemnation to those that are in Christ
Jesus.' And since that time I have been very happy.
I never knew such a week as this in all my life. I used
to be tired, and I hated the washing week ;—but I have
now been kept in entire peace all through.'
وو
Bath, February, 1778. On the 8th of December last,
I set out for this place, and came here on the 12th. Much
have I seen of the hand of my God here in many ways.
Soon after my arrival, Mr. Wesley came to lay the first
stone of the chapel. He preached from these words:
"From this time it shall be said,-What hath God
wrought!" He pointed out to us in what a wonderful
manner the Lord had carried on his work in the three
kingdoms, within these last thirty or forty years. It was
a solemn time.—The people were very attentive, though
the cold was very severe. At night we had a love-feast.
—I was led to speak with some degree of freedom. As
I came out, several asked me where I lodged. I told
them I should (with the Lord's help) be at home at such
an hour every day. Several came to me, one after
another, and the Lord's hand hath been with us of a truth.
What amazing answers to prayer have I seen! Lord,
give me to endure to the end! In the classes and bands
also, I find much freedom in speaking for God; and He
gives me to cast all my own burden on Himself, and to
believe, Christ charges himself with all my concerns,
while He in some low degree, gives me to charge myself
with those that relate to his glory.-Here are many souls
who seem to thirst for spiritual conversation, as the
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traveller for the cooling stream; and whenever we are
together, our Lord is in the midst.
March. Conversing with a gentleman who knew some-
thing of my situation, he said, “If I had had such losses
as you have had, and was in such an encumbered situa-
tion, I should stamp and tear and go raving mad."—I
began to reflect on his words, and thought how is it that
I am kept so calm? I saw and adored the hand of my
God, and was constrained to cry out,-" Lord, thou hast
known my soul in adversity!" This is thy doing, and I
will praise thee.
April 4. When I was in this city fourteen years ago,
the Lord was pleased to give me some souls. I wondered
often what was become of them; but glory be to God!
I find them as simple and steady as ever;--and some
are much advanced. I asked of the Lord at my first
coming at this time,-That some soul might be particu-
larly blest, that I might be encouraged to think that I was
come in His name. A few days after we came, the an-
swer was given. Brother Cousins was restored to the
love of God. But this was only the beginning of good
things. Each day opened the providence of God more
and more. Several persons got good, and I saw my call
quite clear. One old Jisciple gave me much pleasure.
She had long been a follower, and useful to others. The
first time I saw her, she laid open her whole heart, and
was simple as a little child. I scarce ever found so much
of the power of God in conversing with any one as with
her. Before we parted the Lord gave her a taste of
the liberty she came to inquire after.-She sent others,
-among whom was one young woman, an upright soul,
but who had got into sore temptation, and lost her peace.
The healer of the breaches again appeared, and she was
filled with consolation, and found (as she afterward told
me,) she was a new creature. A man and his wife, the
next day called on me; they had a measure of life, but
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MRS. FLETCHER.
how,
sin.”
they were come, (as they said,) to inquire when, and
"the blood of Jesus would cleanse them from all
Such simplicity I hardly ever met with before.
My heart was ready to melt with desire. I found such
access in addressing the throne of grace as I cannot
express.--It was all, “ask and have!" I did ask, and
glory be to God, he granted my petition, and brought the
dear souls into further light and liberty!
April 24. I am now at Bristol. Lord! what shall I
meet with here? O let me be ever observant of Thy
will.
May. I wrote and sent to my Wednesday night's
meeting, (consisting of about fifty persons who meet at
Cross-hall,) the following letter.-
"Though various occupations in my Master's work
hath rendered my pen for a longer time silent than I at
first intended, I can assure you, with a pleasing sincerity,
my heart has often been warmed when pleading before
the throne in your behalf. Very dear are all the follow-
ers of the Lord to me in every place ;-but my little
company on Wednesday nights will ever hold a peculiar
place in my heart. I also include the spreading branch
in Wakefield. May lively grace rest on you all!—and
may you ever adorn your profession as a company of the
choicest followers of the bleeding Lamb! Many here
inquire, "How goes on your Wednesday night's meet-
ing?" There is a general belief of great life in York-
shire. In this your fame is gone out into other churches.
O how alarming the thought! “What manner of persons
ought ye to be in all holy conversation and godliness! A
city set on a hill cannot be hid." Either a ray of light,
or a shade of darkness will reflect from every professor.
Adorable Jesus, fill us with that jealous just concern, that
our light may never become darkness! In order to pre-
vent this, let the most strict and ardent watchfulness keep
your eye and heart for ever fixed on "the Lamb who
taketh away your sins!" For it is by those believing
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views that all the streams of consolation, wherewith our
souls are replenished and refreshed, are given. I would
have you praise the Lord for me, and therefore I tell
you, I have, and do prove him to be a God of faithfulness
and truth.
"The account of a Jewess in this city may perhaps
help your strains of praise to rise a little higher. I will
therefore give it you in the best manner my memory
will afford.
“She was born in Germany. Her father was a famous
Jew Rabbi. He gave her a good education, and brought
her up very strictly according to the laws of the Jews.
When she was about eighteen, she found a strong incli-
nation to come to England. This her parents much
opposed, as they could well provide for her, and could
see no reason why she should leave her native country.
But she had no rest in her spirit while in Germany;
so at last they gave consent, that she should visit their
own people in England. They gave her a handsome
sum of money, and sent her off with their blessing, in
She continued to live
company with some friends.
some time in England, till at length she was cheated
out of the greatest part of her money. She was then
reduced to many hardships, and after a time went as a
servant into a Jew's family. Her mistress liked her
greatly, and used her as one of her own children.
Here she thought her lot was cast in a fair portion, for
she loved her mistress, and rejoiced to do her service.
But after a short time a great change took place. Her
mistress was awakened to a sense of the things of God,
and in the end found "there was no name under heaven
whereby she could be saved, but the name of Jesus
Christ." This grieved the young woman beyond expres-
sion. She now hated her mistress as much as before
she had loved her; and very often her behaviour cor-
responded with the feelings of her heart. The arrows
of conviction however now began to fasten on her
Part III.]
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MRS. FLETCHER.
also; and oft she reasoned with herself, saying,-What a
difference there is between my mistress and me! If I
had such a servant, I would turn her off at once. But
my mistress seems all love since she believed in Jesus
Christ as her Messiah; but I am all hatred. Besides,
she is happy, always happy, while I am always miserable.
Then again she would start at the thought, and say,—
What am I going to leave the true religion? O no! I
will never believe in Christ. I will pray to the true
Messiah. Then she would go up to the top of the
house, and (as she thought,) looking towards Jerusalem,
would cry,
'O Lord Jehovah, hear me! Thou hast done
great wonders for our people, and for our nation; and
when we were in the hands of our enemies, thou didst
send deliverance for thy chosen people Israel. O hear
me! thou God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, and send
us our Messiah, that He may take away our misery!
Then shall kings be our nursing fathers, and queens
our nursing mothers,' and we shall be restored again
to our former privileges!' It would then come to her
mind, Jesus Christ, whom you despise, is the very and
true Messiah! But that thought she thrust away with
fear.
"One night she went to bed in great distress, and
dreamed she was walking on a common, and that a man
came up to her whom she knew to be Jesus Christ.
She looked on him, and between hope and fear, said,
"Tell me, are you my Messiah?" He answered, "I am
your Messiah." Yet she drew back, and was afraid to
believe. In the morning she knew not what to think.-
Wherever she went she seemed always to see Christ as
hanging on the cross! And in her own soul, felt so
deeply the sentence of death, that she seemed to have
no hope of salvation. At last, she told the Lord one
day, she could almost believe, and if He would give
some sign, she thought she should hold out no longer.
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The sign which God gave to Israel, through Samuel's
prayer, came strongly to her mind, as she waited before
the Lord-her soul then struggling between faith and
unbelief. It was at that time rather cold weather; but
the Lord was pleased, before the close of the day, to
send a storm of thunder and lightning, which terrified
her beyond expression! While she was on her knees,
expecting every moment to drop into hell, (which she
now clearly felt she deserved,) she cried to the God of
Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob to hear, and save her! God
did hear. Glory be to His free mercy, He made her to
feel, "None but Jesus could do helpless sinners good!"
In the same moment she felt his blood applied, and
shouted aloud the praises of her Messiah!
"From this time she continued happy in the love of
God. She then became sensible of the stirrings of
inbred sin, from which she had no thought of ever being
delivered till she should lay down the body. I found
much blessing in conversing with her; and after the
first time, she was much stirred up to seek a further
salvation. For some weeks she was tossed between
hope and fear.-One day as I was meeting brother Sims's
class, she seemed uncommonly oppressed with unbelief,
yet she pleaded, O! can it be possible that I should be
wholly delivered from anger, and live in a place where
I have ten children to look after?' I recommended her
to look to Jesus, who could and would save her to the
uttermost.' Several of us walked home together. As
she was praying inwardly, and meditating on the all-suffi-
ciency of the Saviour, Sister Tripp said, God kept
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in the fire, and why
not you? She answered nothing, but pondered the
words in her heart. When she got home, she began to
consider, He really did keep the three children in the
furnace !—And he can keep me from anger. As she
strove to believe, her faith grew stronger and stronger,
•
PART III.]
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MRS. FLETCHER.
till she could cast the full weight of her soul on Jesus,
as her uttermost Redeemer. O my friends, praise the
Lord!"
Cross-hall, September 12. This day I am 39 years
of age. O that I might live to Thee more than ever!
What have I either done or suffered for Thee, in this
last year? As to the state of my soul, I trust I am
nearer to God than before I went my journey.—But I
am still a dull scholar in thy school. I want that full
baptism of the Spirit: God's promise to all believers.
Mr. *** is very kind and helpful to me in the care of
my temporal affairs; but what my trials are, none but
God knows. To-day I was blest in praying for him,
with that word,-"I will bless them that bless thee!"
Amen! Amen!
Sunday, November 15. This day I found a blessing
in putting in practice some resolutions I had formed for
my daily walk. At seven we set out for Daw-green,
where we had a good meeting. O what a desire did I
feel for that people, while I was speaking on that word,
"The Lord thy God is a jealous God!"
March 26, 1779. This day I set apart as a fast, to
lay before the Lord the following particulars: 1. My
present situation. 2. To ask for wisdom how to walk
before my family. 3. For more of His love. 4. For
a blessing on my journey to
5. For my relations.
On the whole it has been a good day. As to the first
petition, my present situation, I found much power and
liberty in believing God would undertake and appoint
me some deliverance; yea, entire deliverance, in his
own time, and in his own way; and I had more faith,
I think, than ever before: yet, it was mixed with sweet
resignation. 2. How to walk with wisdom before
my family.I felt a great pleading for this, and some
encouragement, that I should yet "adorn the Gospel."
The third, For more love.—I felt freedom in asking it,
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at
The fourth, For a blessing on the few days I am to spend
I feel much of the cross in this adventure;
yet, I think I must do it, and God will be with me..
As to the fifth, I could find no particular opening, only
a willingness to do, be, or suffer any thing for their good.
Perhaps the time is not yet come. The third time I
went to prayer, all seemed swallowed up in that petition ;
Lord, give me "the love that never faileth."
Wednesday in Passion week. I have this day offered
myself up afresh to the Lord, as a whole burnt-sacrifice.
O give me that situation, those friends, those comforts,
or crosses, which will best stand with thy own glory!
'Tis all I ask,-'tis all my choice.
May 21. Lord, my thirsty soul crieth after thee, I long
for a fuller deliverance. Last night I met the old members
of the W. Band, and a sweet time we had; the Lord was
very gracious in helping his unworthy worm, and gave
me, I believe, to speak to his glory. Since I returned
from my journey to
I have been much drawn out
in praise. O how good was the Lord! He made hard
things easy, and was better to me than either my fears or
wishes. To-day when at prayer, I had a sight of the
necessity of contemplation, I mean, of labouring to keep
the mind on spiritual things, and to consider and weigh
the word of God, His love, His fulness! "Love without
end, and without measure, grace!”
August, 1780. O Lord, how peculiar are thy ways
towards me? What wouldst Thou have me to do? Here
I am; command what thou wilt. Bring me to a state of
poverty, reproach, a work-house, or what thou wilt, only
let me not mistake my way. It is true I have more than-
I owe, and as yet an income for life, enough for myself.
But I cannot support these expenses and losses. And
yet it seems I cannot get deliverance from them! Every
answer to prayer is only, "Stand still and see my salva-
tion." Lord, I am ready to do so; but all cry out, "It
is madness not to do something." And yet, Thou.
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MRS. FLETCHER.
seemest to frustrate all I attempt. I strive to save in
every thing, and many ways I have tried to do so; but
unless all did the same, it makes little difference. When
I attempt new things of the kind, various difficulties
arise; and some are apt to say, "Save in something else;
you do not run out in this!"
The other day, a friend said, he was desired to ask me,
"If I did not do wrong in spending so much time on the
sick poor? In making medicines, clothes, &c. ?" And
**** said, “It is a poor way of spending your time thus,
for the bodies of the people. If that is your call, it is a
mean call!" I have pondered the thought; and having
set apart a day for fasting and prayer, the result of my
most serious reflections were as follows :—
What was my setting out, or first light? Why, from
seven years old, (the first time I felt a spark of faith,) my
conviction was,-not to be conformed to the customs,
fashions, and maxims of the world, and my frequent
prayer was, as a little manuscript now by me proves,
Lord, bring me out from among the ungodly! Cast my
lot with the poor who are rich in faith; and make me to
have my delight with the excellent of the earth. And then
I will not complain for toil, poverty, or reproach.
When I was seventeen, my desires after holiness began
to deepen, and I found a particular call to a further dedi-
cation of my soul to God, in those words of St. Paul to
Timothy, descriptive of the character of those women,
who in the primitive churches were chosen as deacon-
esses, "If she have lodged strangers, if she have brought
up children, if she have washed the saints' feet, and
diligently followed after every good work."-When I
was twenty-one, being brought to the choice of my own
manner of life, I was enabled in a degree to follow the
plans thus formerly laid down.
As to my present way of life, of which a visiter had
said a few days ago, “I think, madam, your call is a
strange one ;—to the care of cows and horses, sheep and.
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pigs;"-referring to my farm.-I considered, I am by the
order of Providence made mistress of a great family,
and in straitened circumstances. There is therefore
occasion for all my care and management, otherwise the
embarrassment would be much greater.-And it is good
for the uncommon pride of my nature, to bow before
that word, "In the sweat of thy brow shalt thou eat
bread." It is true I have bread enough for myself, but
having joined the interest of so many with my own, I am
willing to act thus, that they may have bread too. The
Lord hath been pleased, also, to enable me to help the
sick; this calls for some labour, and some small expenses in
preparing and applying the medicines: but many souls
have been blest, and several brought to God thereby.
Some rich persons, to whose ear I could never have had
access, have, through the belief that I could help their
bodies, admitted the closest application to their souls; so
that I dare as soon cut off my right-hand as bury this trifling
talent in a napkin. The souls under my roof also call
for more diligent care, than I am conscious I bestow upon
them; and though some say, "I do not regard as any
thing what you do for the family, that is only burying
yourself in one house;" yet I see it my duty, and I must
apply thereto.
Again, I believe I should strive to get at the neigh-
bours, who live within my knowledge, and do good to
their souls, if I can. To this it is replied, "You spend
too much time on one neighbourhood." But perhaps I
shall soon be called to leave this neighbourhood, and this
.family, and then I shall not repent of that application. I
am also called to keep together some precious meetings,
in which the work of God flourishes, and to go some-
times to meet others in more distant places, as well as to
write many letters on the concerns of the soul. And now
I ask,-Lord, am I in my place or not? To which it
seemed my conscience gave the following answer :—
:-The
surest mark of true piety, is to fill up the duties of our
PART III.]
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MRS. FLETCHER.
own station with the utmost fidelity. We may plan fine
schemes, talk of many journeys, and see ourselves con-
verting whole worlds,-but in these airy phantoms there
is much danger of self having a great mixture. Whereas
in the application to the order of God, in the present
time, as it opens itself from moment to moment, there is
"I
no room for choice. I have heard good people say,
am weary of life, because of the burdens which I have
to bear. I want to spend all my time in a more excellent
way." And yet as soon as they throw off one burden,
the Lord finds them another. But the soul truly devoted
to God, finds no oppressive burden, in the opening of
the present moment, which shows the divine order of
His providence, and brings with it, to the resigned soul,
both light and power, either to act or suffer. In a low
degree I find that to be my case. I am called to work;
and therein I fulfil my covenant, not to complain of toil,
although my wages seems to be put into a bag full of holes.
I cannot have my own choice herein; nor do I complain
of poverty. Thus I am often upbraided for walking in
that order, in which, (till I can get out of it,) undoubtedly
the Lord hath placed me. I sink under His yoke, and if
I can but keep free from impatience or discouragement,
I may fulfil His will, and shall not complain of reproach.
But alas! I do too often admit discouragement, and am
ready to cry out,
"Ah! whither or to whom shall I,
Far from these woes, for kind protection fly ?"
Yet something says in my heart, a time is at hand when
the Lord will bring me out of these deep waters,—and I
am determined to stand still and see His salvation.
November. Last night I was led to pray much for a
spiritual mind, both sleeping and waking. I went to bed
recollected.—I dreamed I was sitting up in bed with the
Bible in my hand.—I saw two shining appearances, but
no distinct form. The appearance was as of the heads
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of two glorious persons, and a ray of light came from
them on the book in my hand, in which I was enabled to
discover something which quite delighted me, and I cried
out,-O had I known this before, I should have made
the whole house ring with shouts of praise! I then saw
all around my bed a beautiful garden filled with ever-
greens, and on each tree, and on the ground, lay some-
thing like a light frost. I wondered at that, till these
words came to my mind, "The dew shall lie all night
upon thy branches!" I then cried out, O what a delight-
ful scene! What a lovely prospect! Here shall I for
ever rest! I then threw my soul with such a divine con-
fidence on the Lord Jesus, as I think I never did before,
and in that act I awaked. I could not recollect what the
delightful discovery in the Bible was ;-but a fuller sense
of God than ever before has rested on my soul.
January 11, 1781. Many mercies have I seen within
these three or four days. Nothing is so good to me, as
to meet every thing in the will and order of God; aban-
doning myself, soul, body, and family, into His hands,
believing he will order all right. I find many convictions
about my household. I am not a faithful head. I neither
lead them by example, instruction, or reproof, as I ought.
Lord, teach me how to go in and out before this people!
I seem to have an impression that I shall not long remain
with them. I seem to see another place, and another
people which I am called to ;-and outward things con-
firm the impression. One thing I have been very faulty
in during the last year, I have not risen early with any
degree of constancy; and that is a general loss, both to
my own soul and my family. O Lord! when shall I
be "all glorious within, and my clothing of wrought
gold?"
January 13. I have been to-day a good deal drawn
out in prayer.
My exercises as to outward things are
very great. I have a most narrow path to walk in! I am
called to live by faith indeed. As I was at prayer this
PART 111.]
155
MRS. FLETCHER.
morning, I was led to ask of the Lord, that He would
bring me out of all my difficulties in His own way. Cer-
tainly the whole earth is the Lord's, and I asked of him
such a situation in life, as will most glorify Himself. It
was brought before me, Perhaps that will be by bringing
you to entire poverty. I asked my heart, Am I willing
on that condition to be made holy? And I felt I could
say, "Yes, Lord, yes." Again, the thought was suggested,
-but perhaps to a parish-house, while your income goes
each year for your debts? I answered, Thy will be done!
It was then represented, as if I was on a common side,
dying, destitute of every human help or comfort.-In
that I felt great sweetness. But the sorest stroke was
still behind; What if you should die in debt, and leave
nothing to pay? and so through you the Gospel be
reproached? This came the nearest of all; but it was
clearly shown me,-That the fear of the Gospel being
blamed, often arose from our fear of personal reproach;
--for as to the truths of God, He would take care of
them ;-and if I was really wrong, it would be for the
glory of God to have it made manifest: and if he was but
glorified my soul was content.-Certainly, thought I, if it
was in my power to break off my expenses, it would be
right so to do ;--and I do right in contriving every way I
can towards it. But as all my endeavours are always
frustrated, I see no way but to cast myself on the will of
God, and embrace, as His will, poverty and deep re-
proach ;--and still continue to believe in the promises,
till I see, even by the time of my death, that there has
not been an accomplishment of them. Perhaps after all
I am right. Perhaps the day will come (impossible as it
now appears,) when I shall have plenty of silver, and then
the light shall indeed shine on my way.
Next June, I shall be fourteen years from Layton-
stone, and the September following, I shall be forty-two
years old. It may be that soon after that time, deliver-
ance may appear.-The words rested on my mind, " By
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the way that thou wentest, by that way shalt thou return."
Lord, thou knowest what they mean ;-but I see all sorts
of crucifixions are needful for me.-O! my hard heart!
what need hath it had of breaking!
to me.
February 15. When I was at Leeds sometime since,
I had much proof of the goodness of God in many ways.
On the whole it was a journey for good. I heard a dream
of a good woman while there, which was made a blessing
She thought she was dying, and felt her soul
leave the body.-Immediately she found herself standing
in the presence of God! Jesus appeared to her as seated
on a white throne! He beckoned to her with his hand,
and said, Come up hither. When she was by his side,
she saw many of the saints, with the angels.—Among
them was William Bramah; he shone very bright. Some
others she knew also.-Our Lord then pointed to the
crowns of some saints still on earth,-and she understood
by the appearance of some of those crowns, that the
persons were in great temptation. Our Lord and the
glorious company seemed to sympathize greatly with
them, and when by faith they conquered, a jewel was
added to the crown, and the whole shone brighter! But
every time they gave way to any corruption, a gem
dropped out, and the whole crown turned dark! Some-
times there seemed joy in Heaven over them; some-
times a kind of mourning. She sat sometimes in sweet
delight, and then awaking, found with amazement she was
still in the body!
I am going to It is a fine opportunity for speak-
ing to a number of the most lively souls, out of various
societies, and they begin to inquire all around when
I will come. O my God, how these things break me to
pieces! What an unworthy worm! If they knew me,
how would they be astonished, that the Lord should
work by such a one as me! But thou canst do whatever
seemeth Thee good!
PART III.]
157
MRS. FLETCHER.
March 20. I have been poorly lately with a com-
plaint in my eyes;-I can write little. The cold this
winter has been very severe, and I have felt it much.
But O how am I indulged! A good house, a bed fit
for a king, plenty of fire, food, &c.! While many of my
Father's children know almost the want of all things!
I was much affected the other day when the Preacher
left our house. I thought, if I had in this snow and
wind to ride over the moors, and through deep lanes
as he has, I could not sit on my horse. Truly I count it
a great honour to be permitted to contribute in the least
to their necessities! O let me ever wash the feet of the
servants of my Lord!
I feel my soul does come forward. Constancy in early
rising is a great blessing to me, both as a Christian, and
as a mistress. The other morning I was waked with
that word, "Ye have need of patience, that after ye
have done the will of God, ye may receive the promises."
At night as I was at prayer, that word also came with
power, “Thou hast kept the word of my patience; I also
will keep thee in the hour of temptation!" Amen, Lord
Jesus, Amen! Give me to " keep the word of thy
patience faithful unto the end!"
April. My soul, wait thou still upon God, for of him
cometh thy salvation.—More crosses, more disappoint-
ments; but last night I had a ray of faith which revived
me. I have of late had a very clear view of the absolute
necessity of keeping the mind always stayed on God,
from those words," Resist the devil, and he will flee
from you." Indeed he is a chained dog, and can go no
farther than man's consent will suffer him. His works
are chiefly carried on in the chambers of the imagina-
tion. These are indeed the chambers of imagery! He
fixes his first hold in the imagination, which is the anti-
chamber of the heart.-Afterward he passes on to the
passions and affections. These form the passage through
which all passes to the heart, both good and evil. If the
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[RART III.
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mind then is engrossed by Satan, and he be suffered to
rule there, the benign influence of the Holy Spirit is
prevented, and the soul is filled with all evil. Thus-
To be carnally-minded is death; but to be spiritually-
minded is life and peace."
April 25. I have had some remarkable answers to
prayer
of late, and some directions by lot, which I shall
lay up in my heart till I see the way of the Lord. O my
God, give me just such a situation in every respect as
will be most for thy glory! Many blessings also I have of
late received in visiting the sick, and strength has been
given me above that which is common. I long for a
closer walk with my God! O that I may live to God
every moment, with every power!
May 6, Sunday. I had liberty this day to entreat the
Lord, to show me the surest and shortest way to holiness
-Many things were showed me, which I hope to put in
practice; but above all, it was impressed on my mind,
Live by faith.
END OF THE THIRD PART
PART THE FOURTH.
THE
Her marriage and removal to Madely.
HE seventh of June, 1781, as I before observed, was
the day that began my fourteenth year in Yorkshire. On
that day I took a particular view of my whole situation,
and saw difficulties as mountains rise all around me.
Faith was hard put to it. The promise seemed to stand
sure, and I thought the season was come, yet the waters
were deeper than ever. I thought also, how shall I
now hold fast that word so powerfully given to me,
"The Almighty shall be thy defence, and thou shalt have
plenty of silver?"
At length" the cloud arose as a man's hand." The
very next day, June the eighth, I received a letter
from Mr. Fletcher, in which he told me,-That he had
for twenty-five years found a regard for me, which was
still as sincere as ever; and though it might appear odd
he should write on such a subject, when but just re-
turned from abroad, and more so without seeing me
first, he could only say, that his mind was so strongly
drawn to do it, he believed it to be the order of Provi-
dence.
In reading this letter I was much struck.-So many
circumstances all uniting,-1. The season it came in.
2. His writing on the subject before we had met, after
an absence of fifteen years; and without his having
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the most distant suspicion of my mind being inclined
towards it. 3. His mentioning,-That for twenty-five.
years he had had the thought. All these particulars
answered to the marks which I had laid down. His un-
expected recovery also, and safe return, so plainly pointed
out the hand of Providence, that all ground of reasoning
against it seemed removed. Yet, on the other hand, a
strange fear possessed my mind lest I should take any
step out of the order of God;-nor was Satan wanting to
represent great trials before me, which he told me I
should not have strength to stand in.
We corresponded with openness and freedom, till
August the first, when he came to Cross-hall, and abode
there a month; preaching in different places with much
power :-and having opened our whole hearts to each
other, both on temporals and spirituals, we believed it
to be the order of God we should become one, when
He should make our way plain.
He then returned to his parish, an hundred and twelve
miles from the place where I lived;—for we could not
think of taking the step, till my affairs were more clearly
settled. So we took our leave of each other, com-
mitting all into His hand ho "does what he will with
His own.
25
In about five weeks he returned; but still all seemed
shut up, no way opened either for disposing of the farm,
or of the family. Conversing one day with Mrs. Clap-
ham, of Leeds, she said, "What do you stick at? The
Lord has done so much to convince you that this is to be
your deliverance, how is it that you do not believe, and
obey his order? I verily believe if you would take the
step in faith, your way would be made plain directly; and
I will now tell you what has passed my mind concerning
it. When I was some months since at Scarborough, as
I was one day in private, praying for you, and much
drawn out in laying your trials before the Lord, I was as
If taken out of myself, and saw by the eye of faith both
PART IV.]
161
MRS. FLETCHER.
Mr. Fletcher and you, and that you were designed for
each other, and that much glory to God would arise from
your union. But at the same time I saw there were
various obstacles in the way ;-but the chief was the
want of money. It seemed to me, however, if you
would believe, and obey the order of God, all would be
made clear before you. Then I saw a tall young man,
(it seemed to me it was your youngest brother,) who
poured down bags of gold, not once only, or twice, but
several times. Some were small, others seemed large
sums; one was very large; and it was impressed on my
mind, that all your trials of that kind were over, and that
you would never experience those difficulties any more.
She then asked, "Have you more brothers than one,"
I replied, Yes, I have two; and the youngest is tall; but
I never received any thing in particular from him, nor
have I the least reason to expect it. Her discourse,
however, with several concurring circumstances, made.
an impression on our minds; and after asking direc-
tion from the Lord, we agreed to take the step in a
fortnight.
a
""*
For the first week all remained as usual; but in the
beginning of the second, a gentleman came quite unex-
pectedly, and bought the place, for one thousand six
hundred and twenty pounds. Three days after, another
took the stock, &c. A way seemed also to open for each
member of the family, so that with a little assistance,
every one had a comfortable prospect before them.
The case of one, a poor cripple, who had lived with me
sixteen years, seemed difficult.-Though she feared and
loved God, she had such infirmities, no one was willing to
take her; and we had some reasons against taking her
* This whole account is certainly very extraordinary. No pious person,
however, will say, that the Lord has not helped, or would not thus direct
or comfort his servants, in peculiar difficulties; and no person who was
acquainted with Mrs. Clapham, will doubt either the truth of her declara
tion, or the sobriety of her mind. Ed.
14 *
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with us to Madely. But this difficulty also was removed.
On Sunday night, November the 11th, I received a letter
from a pious lady, who had first recommended her to me,
stating, that she would take her back and maintain her.
All was now so far settled, that I did not need to sell
Layton-stone estate. My income would afford to allow
the pious souls of my dispersed family, fifty-five pounds.
‚per year,—pay the interest of the money still owing;
and yet leave me such an annual sum, as was about equal
to my dear Mr. Fletcher's income; and in case of my
death, there was in Layton-stone more than would
pay all.
So on Monday, the 12th of November, 1781, in Batley
Church, we covenanted in the name of the Father, and
of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost, "to bear each other's
burdens," and to become one for ever.
We agreed, it would be best to leave all our furniture,
except a few ´trifles, to be sold with the house. Pine
would do for us as well as mahogany. I felt some attach-
ment to my neat furniture; but love to the order of God,
made me take the spoiling of them very cheerfully.
The money was not to be paid in immediately for the
estate; we were therefore rather at a loss to settle all
our accounts before we left the place, and to give that
assistance to our friends we wished to do. On an exact
calculation, we found an hundred pounds were wanting.
We laid it before the Lord; and the next post I received
a letter from my youngest brother, with a bank note of
one hundred pounds inclosed, as a present ;-though he
knew nothing of our particular want, nor had I the least
reason to expect his assistance, except the extraordinary
communication by Mrs. Clapham which I have related.
On January 2, 1782, we set out for Madely. But Oh!
where shall I begin my song of praise ?-What a turn is
there in all my affairs ?What a depth of sorrow, dis-
tress, and perplexity, am I delivered from! How shall
I find language to express the goodness of the Lord?
PART IV.]
163
MRS. FLETCHER.
Not one of the good things hath failed me of all the
Lord my God hath spoken. Now I know no want, but
that of more grace. I have such a husband as is in
every thing suited to me. He bears with all my faults
and failings in a manner that continually reminds me
of that word, "Love your wives as Christ loved the
church." His constant endeavour is to make me happy;
his strongest desire my spiritual growth. He is, in every
sense of the word,—The man my highest reason chooses
to obey. I am also happy in a servant, whom I took from
the side of her mother's coffin, when she was four years
old. She loves us as if we were her parents, and is also
truly devoted to God.
Madely, Shropshire, May 30, 1782. Where shall I
begin, or how recount thy faithfulness, O my God! Oh!
"What is man that thou art mindful of him?" Above all,
what am I, most sinful dust and ashes, that Thou hast
made my cup to run over above all I could think or wish
for! O for holiness! Lord, let me be thine, and doubly
thine for ever!
O the fears which filled my soul before and after our
marriage! but how causeless have they all proved! I
have the kindest and tenderest of husbands; so spiritual
a man, and so spiritual a union, I never had any adequate
conception of. He is every way suited to me,-all I
could wish.* The work among souls increases.—I feel
it is the Lord who hath cast my lot here. For some
months I suffered much through fears of various kinds,
all my situation being changed, I feared I should not be
equal to the task allotted me, and that I should not be
able to please the people "for their good." But Oh!
* Mr. Wesley observes in a letter to the late Mrs. Rogers, at that time,
(December 9, 1781,) Miss Roe, "I should not have been willing that Miss
Bosanquet should have been joined to any other person than Mr. Fletcher,
but I trust she may be as useful with him as she was before." See his
works, vol. xvi.
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had I in every trial but believed all the way through,
how sweetly might I have gone on! Now I see what a
"Praise
gracious Providence hath superintended all!
the Lord, O my soul; and all that is within me praise
His holy name!"
June 7. What a deliverance hath the Lord wrought
for me! A year ago, I thought there was nothing before
me (temporally) but ruin. This day twelvemonths, I
cried out, "Thou hast not delivered Thy people at all."
How wonderful a chain of providences! As soon as we
determined to marry in a fortnight, and leave the event
to the Lord, the house and all was sold in ten days, and
a way made for every one! But wanting a hundred
pounds more to get out of that situation, we prayed the
Lord to appear in our behalf, and immediately my
youngest brother supplied our every need, though he
knew not any thing of our necessity.
"In all my ways Thy hand I own!
Thy ruling providence I see."
September 12. I have seen forty-three years! Lord,
to what purpose! Most of this day I have spent in secret
prayer,—yet my soul is rather sorrowful. I have a
variety of people and different calls of God to attend
unto,--and I seem to want more wisdom, light, and love.
My spiritual sphere of action is different. I have in
many respects a wider call for action than before-but
such a one as requires the momentary teaching of the
Lord, both in conversing and writing.-Yet I do not feel
all that I felt at Hoxton.-No, I do not so live by faith as
I did then. But I lie before Thee, O Lord!-Do all thy
will on thy poor creature, for whom thou hast appeared
in so marvellous a manner!
October. The animating example of my dear husband
stirs me up much-What a spiritual life does he live
-night and day he is always on the stretch for God.-
PART IV.]
165
MRS. FLETCHER.
I am a good deal encouraged for the people. I have
much liberty in meeting them, and my soul feels sweet
fellowship with some among them.
November 1. I feel the care which a new place, and
a new situation is apt to bring on, and it disturbs the
peace which should be kept in my soul. Lord, increase
my faith!" There are many peculiar circumstances in
our affairs, and strangers are concerned therein; but in
the end I have found it all work for good; it has been to
me a good and useful lesson. First, I find it a cause of
rejoicing that I have found so much love to the persons
concerned in it;-and secondly, while I was praying
about it, it seemed as if the Lord showed me, as imme-
diately from Himself, that I was not required to have
any anxious care, but that doing as well as I could, I
might leave all to God. And if still I could not have
things as I would wish, that it was the most profitable
cross in the world;-for it may be helpful to the soul,
after doing all we can, to appear a fool in the eyes of
Those words also bore much on my mind :-
men.
"Fix on his work thy constant eye,
So shall thy work be done.”
I now felt a sweet calm waiting on the will of God, and
I could say, Lord, I leave every thing to Thee! "One
only care my soul shall know!" As I was telling the
whole affair to my dearest husband, he said, "Polly, do
not encumber yourself for my sake. If we must be
thought ignorant and awkward, let us submit to it. I
require nothing of thee, my Polly, but to be more and
more devoted to God.”
November 12. Glory! unceasing glory to my adorable
Lord! This day we have been married one year.
how does my soul praise God for this gracious provi-
dence! What an help-mate is he to me, and how much
better do we love one another this day, than we did this
day twelvemonths!-On a close examination, I have
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reason to believe my soul is coming forward. I have
seen this year many and great changes,—had many trials,
and many comforts,and I have learned much experience
O
in various things which has been much blest to me.
for the moment when I shall become a whole burnt-
sacrifice!
Having had some hurry by means of unexpected com-
pany staying in the house, and some other things ;-and
reflecting how hard it is to keep up uninterrupted com-
munion with God in outward hurry,-it was opened
before me, That the very spirit of the Christian life
stood in the strictest observation of these words, "If a
man offend not in tongue, the same is a perfect man, and
able also to bridle the whole body." Now, for want of
this watchfulness, I offend often, and that causes distrac-
tion of spirit, and much hurt many ways. If I had a
more constant waiting, a more continual attention to the
Spirit of God, I believe I should find much more room
for silence than I usually do ;—and that when it was my
duty to speak, my words would have more weight. O
my God, bring me to this! by the way that thou knowest,
give me a watchful mind. An eye always fixed on Thee,
and a far deeper sense of Thy sacred presence! I also
want a greater power of faith to lead on these precious
souls that are under my care to more abundant life.
Many are now just on the river's brink, but it seems
they want a better helper to assist in bringing them over.
May 21, 1783. This day has been a day of trial. In
the morning as I walked out about six o'clock, Mr. ***'s
letter of last night, came with pain to my mind.—I do
not like the good that is in my dearest Mr. Fletcher to be
evil spoken of. Before dinner I strove to get near to
God, but having been up most of last night, I was very
heavy. In the afternoon I could do but little, but I strove
to pray. That passage in Mr. Wesley's Notes on the
first Epistle of St. John, was much blest, and very sweet
to me. "Love is the beginning of eternal life.-The
PART IV.]
167
MRS. FLETCHER.
same in substance with glory." Also, St. John's words,
"He that abideth in Him sinneth not."-I saw love com-
prised all in itself. For two hours I was led to lie before
the Lord, though with many distractions, yet mingled
with faith and longing desire. O when wilt Thou take
up in me thine everlasting abode !
May 22. I have this day been engaged in company,
and sweetly met the order of God therein.-I was enabled
to be watchful; and blessed be God, my tongue has been
kept. We took sweet counsel together, and I felt the
Lord was the director of all within and without.
August 5, Since the above, (May 22,) what have I
seen of the goodness of the Lord! A fever has been in
the parish, which took off many whom we saw it our
duty to attend. It brought eternity very near, and that
always does me good. It came into our family; and Sally
was attacked with it. But my gracious God supported
me under all burdens, and raised her up again in a won-
derful manner. Soon after her recovery, Dr. Coke came
in his way from Dublin. When I heard he was below,
I felt an unusual spring of pleasure, with something of a
conviction that he brought a message from the Lord. I
instantly felt a spirit of submission, and as it were a listen-
ing to the will of God. So I have often felt when some
conviction of fresh duty was about to be made plain to
me. A few days before this, as I was one morning at
prayer, I thought of one of our neighbours, (a speaker
among the friends,) who was gone to Ireland. It was
suggested, Should I be called thither, could I resolve to
go? It really seemed I could not. The sea, to me ever
terrible, appeared then doubly so, and I groaned under
the thought,where is faith and resignation?
When we came into the parlour, we found the Doctor
had brought some letters from Dublin to each of us, by
which it seemed the cloud moved that way. We said
but little then, but went to church, where the Doctor
preached. Before we came out, my soul was all readi-
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[PART IV.
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ness to go to the world's end, if my adorable Lord so
ordered it.
:
When we came home, I followed my dear to his study,
and told him if he saw it his call to go, I saw it mine to
follow him. He tenderly objected my health, as I had
been very poorly some time, and in such a state of relaxa-
tion, that I waked for several mornings with blood in my
mouth but I believed that was not to hinder. Since
that day we have been preparing for our journey,—and
I have enjoyed some communion with God in so doing.
Satan is not wanting to suggest every thought that can
raise fear. One day I was thinking, what would save
me from all painful fear? If the Lord was to give me a
promise of our safe return,-that my dear husband's
health should not be hurt, and that we should have much
success when there,—would that do? I hesitated, and
my confidence seemed to be shook by temptation. I then
thought, What will enable me to drink this cup to the
glory of my Lord? My heart presently answered,
Nothing but an entire resignation; a losing of my whole
will in that of my Lord's, and here I instantly found I
was on a solid rock.
This trial is not come single.-My dear husband's
health is not very good.
What the Lord will do with us
I know not. We are, however, ready for setting off. I
feel my heart much enlarged, and my spirit so willing to
do and suffer the whole will of God, that it amazes me.
When I think of my dear husband's life or health being
in danger, I am not anxious as I used to be, but can rest'
in the love and wisdom of my unchangeable Friend. For
this I praise Him, because no words can express the
treasure I possess in our union. It is such as I had no
idea was to be enjoyed in a married state; and in pro-
portion as I get nearer to God, I find a daily increase of
that union, and yet I am enabled so to give him up to
the Lord, that it holds my soul in a quiet dependence and
sweet adherence to the will of God.
PART IV.] MRS. FLETCHER.
169
William-street, Dublin, September 12th. This day of
our birth calls for solemn praise. I say our birth, because,
as far as we can learn, my dear Mr. Fletcher was born
on the same day, ten years before me. And why were
we ever brought into being? Here is the comfortable
answer, "I have created thee for my glory: I have
formed thee for my praise !" O let us answer that design
for ever!
Many were my conflicts before we set out for this
place. At one time it was represented to me, that when
we were on the watery element, the prince of the power
of the air would exert all his efforts against us. As the
thought presented, in a moment those words sprang up
in my heart,-
"We shall be safe, for Christ displays
Superior power and guardian grace."
The Lord gave me to see the whole Universe so under
his command, as I cannot express. I saw him as
"hold-
ing the winds in his fist," and "the waters in the hollow
of his hand." And that sooner all nature should change,
than one of God's promises fail. I am naturally inex-
pressibly fearful, with all sorts of fear, beyond what
words can paint; and it was often represented, if I went
among strangers, I should, by that weakness, bring much
discouragement on the feeble ones of the flock. But the
instance of Gideon was brought before me, and I was
made to feel, The Lord can get himself glory by the
weakest worm; and my heart answered, O Will Divine,
which I adore and love! what a rest there is to be found
in Thee!
Well, in this will, with the prayers and blessing of
many of our friends, on August the 12th, we set off. As
we drove from our own door, and my dear was commend-
ing us to the protection of the Lord, that word rested on
my mind with power,-I am thy shield. When we passed
the Birches, (where a few years ago that remarkable
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phenomenon occurred) Mr. Fletcher pointed out to me
the roads and fields which were so lately covered with
the river. We could not but be much amazed at the
stupidity of the human heart. Most of the inhabitants
seem almost to have forgotten the whole transaction! and
we were led to observe, how vain is the common objec-
tion to the miracles of our Lord-or to the sun standing
still at Joshua's word, that they are not recorded in com-
mon history. Ah no! That which does not take hold on
the sinful affections, is soon lost and forgotten! While
we were conversing on the above subject, we passed the
Eaton-Constadine, a little village rendered famous by the
birth of that great servant of God, Mr. Baxter, with
whose spirit we joined our feeble act of worship before
the Throne.
At night we were affectionately received by Mrs.
Glynne of Shrewsbury, whose love to the children of
God does not grow cold. May He who hath promised
the prophet's reward repay her in time and eternity.
While my dear was preaching that night, on the danger
of being ashamed of the Gospel, my heart yearned towards
the people of that place, and the cry of my spirit was,
"O that these people might live before Thee." The
next morning we pursued our journey as far as Llangollen
in Wales, but all the horses being out, we were con-
strained to abide there all night. Inquiring (as we
walked about the town) whether they had any praying
people among them, the poor things answered us in the
best manner they could ;-and after consulting together,
they said," Yes, Sir, there are some people who pray
in houses at the other end of the town, but we do not know
what they be." Another said," This very night there
is a man to preach in the Chapel belonging to these pray-
ing people." According to their direction we went to
the place, and found a few poor people gathered in a
building, I believe part of an old house. The preacher
seemed very earnest and lively; I say seemed, for we
PART IV.]
171
MRS. FLETCHER.
reasons,
could not understand one word,-except Gogoniant, and
Gwaed, glory and blood, which, with much emphasis, he
often repeated. After we were returned to our inn, a
few who could understand English came to us, and desired
my dear to give them a sermon in the morning, which he
did, on these words, "This is his commandment, that we
should believe on the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and
love one another, as he hath given us commandment."
It was a good time, and several were present who un-
derstood English. We then set off for Conway, and
Friday afternoon reached Holyhead. Here, for some
I wished to stop a little, and inquiring when a
vessel would sail, we were informed, not till next morn-
ing. Mr. Fletcher was but poorly. A swelling which
he had on his face now broke, and gave him much incon-
venience; but on Saturday morning, we were informed
that the packet was going off. Some of the people said,
"The wind is quite contrary, you will have but a disagree-
able passage;❞—but believing it to be the order of God,
we embarked. Now I remembered how the Lord had
shown me,-
"He measureth the waters in the hollow of
his hand." The wind soon grew more favourable, and
the sea so smooth, that it seemed to me as if I heard him
say, Peace, be still! Mr. Fletcher was not much affected
by the sea, but I was very ill.-About one o'clock on
Sunday morning, we cast anchor three miles from Dublin.
We then got into a boat, which was rather troublesome,
as the tide kept it in continual agitation; but through the
goodness of the Lord we arrived safe.
After being
hindered some time by the custom-house officers, we
reached by five in the morning the Hotel on Dublin
Quay.
We now abide with our hospitable friends, Mr. and
Mrs. Smyth, in William-street, and have seen much of
the Lord's hand in bringing us hither. My dear husband
has been favoured with such an unction in preaching the
word, that it distils "as the dew on the mown grass.”
172
[PART IV
THE LIFE OF
The present preachers in Dublin, Brs. Rutherford and
Jackson, are truly simple pious men, and respect that
command," In honour preferring one another." They
heartily rejoice in the message my dear husband delivers
among them. There are some spirits in this place in
whom we find a degree of the primitive simplicity,
rejoicing to see a stranger whom they believe the Lord
has sent to be "a helper of their joy."
I feel a faith riveted in my heart, that before it is long
there will be a great revival of the work of God in
Dublin. I feel much liberty in meeting the classes.
Here are a few souls truly athirst for full salvation, and
Our
many who inquire after the most excellent way.
kind and generous host and hostess, allow us all free-
dom in their house, for the glory of God, and the good
of his people; and as their servants also are pious up-
right persons, we can here worship with them in calm
and brotherly love.
Madely, October 30. How much of thy goodness,
On the
O my God! have I seen since I last wrote !
seventh of this month we left Dublin, and embarked in a
Liverpool brig, bound for Holyhead. We had a long
way to go in the boat, and about eight at night entered
the vessel. The sea was then pretty smooth; but in
the night the wind grew high, and the Captain thought
the sea more swelling than he had seen it for some years.
-It was what they call very squally; and we were ex-
tremely sick, far worse than in going.. Those words,
given me before I left home, were much on my mind,
"And shall He not have
The life which He gave,
So precious a ransom for ever to save ?"
And also, "Though I remain in the uttermost parts of the
sea, there shall His hand guide me, and His right-hand
shall hold me." I could not tell whether they were not
a call to sacrifice our lives to him, who had sacrificed His
PART IV.]
173
MRS. FLETCHER.
for us: but I lay still before the Lord, in the spirit of
resignation, saying, Thy will be done.’
"C
""
In going over, my dear husband's tender attention was
a great alleviation to my suffering, but now we were both
so ill, (as was also Sally) we could scarce speak or look
towards each other, but only wait before the Lord, that
all His will might be done. Towards morning, the pump
told us the vessel was leaky, but it was in a small degree,
and we were near land. It served to remind us of that
word, "There is but a step between me and death !”
Since our return I have closely examined what I have
lost or got in these last three months. I exceedingly
praise the Lord, that ever we went to Dublin, and that
for various reasons. There are some souls there with
whom my spirit found much fellowship ;-at whose feet
I sat, and I trust learned many useful lessons. My dear
Mr. Fletcher preached in several places besides the
Preaching-house in White-Friars-street, both to the
French and English, and we had some remarkable proofs
that he was called there of God.* I have also learned
* Having visited Dublin soon after the departure of these servants of
God, I can add my testimony to the great and good effects which resulted
from their visit, and their truly evangelical labours. Never did I see such
deep impressions made on the minds of that people, except perhaps, in the
very short visits of Mr. Wesley. But he had the care of all the churches,
and was occupied with that care in every place. Mr. and Mrs. Fletcher
had a liberty in that respect which our Father in the Gospel could not have.
They were the unencumbered helpers of the people's joy; and it was truly
the joy of the Lord. Those divine impressions were deep and abiding:
and, as Mrs. Fletcher hoped, a great revival of pure religion followed in
that society. It had usually consisted of about 500 persons, but it soon
increased to upwards of 1,000, and has never since fallen below that num-
ber. Such longing after entire conformity to the Son of God, I never
beheld! It seemed to be the general sentiment of all from the highest to the
lowest of the people. How wide this sacred influence might have extended.
who can tell, if a poor sectarian spirit had not limited the labours of the
man of God. On their arrival in Dublin, their host, Mr. Smyth, a distin
guished and most respectable gentleman, applied to the Rector of St.
Andrew's Parish, (in which he lived,) for Mr. Fletcher to preach in his
Church; and as he was a beneficed minister, it was immediately granted.
The church, (commonally called the Round Church) was crowded to ex-
15 *
174
[PART IV.
THE LIFE OF
more of my own weakness and ignorance. I know not I
ever found a more humbling season than while I was
there. My continual prayer was-Ah! Lord, break me
in pieces! Melt me down and let me flow, and more fully
take the mould divine! My soul is deeply convinced of
the need of being filled with "all the fruit of the Spirit,"
or I shall never bring glory to my God. O that thou
wouldst accomplish all thy will upon me!
Since our return, my dear husband has taken another
journey of about two hundred miles, from which he has a
good deal suffered. His face is not yet well. But the
unwearied patience and resignation wherewith he goes
through all, is to me a continual lesson, which I wish to
imitate.
November 12. And do we see the anniversary of our
blessed union yet another year? And are we yet more
happy and more tender towards each other? Yes, glory
be to God! we are; and what is better, I can truly say,
our souls get nearer to God. We are more spiritual,
and live more for eternity. What have we passed through
cess.
Mr. Fletcher's text was-Almost thou persuadest me to be a Chris-
tian.-Acts xxvi. 28. He showed what it was to be a Christian, from the
liturgy which had just been read; beginning with the general confession,
and the authoritative declaration of pardon to those "Who truly repent,
and unfeignedly believe His Holy Gospel ;"-and going on to that "Clean-
sing of our hearts by the inspiration of His Holy Spirit, that we may per-
fectly love Him, and worthily magnify His Holy Name, through Jesus
Christ our Lord." He then proceeded to persuade them, with an earnest-
ness and power that astonished the congregation, some of whom seemed to
doubt if he were not more than human. But, alas! It was soon known
that Mr. Fletcher preached that same evening at the Methodist Preaching-
house! The pulpits of the Churches were immediately shut against him,
with the exception of the French Church. The first time he preached
there, his text was-Call to remembrance the former days, in which, after
ye were illuminated, ye endured a great fight of afflictions ;-Hebrews x.
32. He thus brought before them the faith of their ancestors, and the
persecutions that had driven them from their native land,-and strongly
enforced the inquiry, Do ye now believe?-When some of the people were
asked, "Why did you go to the French Church to hear Mr. Fletcher, when
you could not understand one word he said? They answered, "We went
to look at him, for heaven seemed to beam from his countenance!" Ed.
PART IV.]
175
MRS. FLETCHER.
together since this day twelvemonth! What a tender
kind friend hath he proved himself to me in every cir-
cumstance of each situation! And now Providence hath
so graciously brought us again to our own country, and
quiet habitation-O that we may live to Him more than
ever!
Yesterday I was much blest in offering up my whole
self, with all my concerns, into the hand of God, believ-
ing He would appoint me all my work and all my crosses.
-He showed me He would make His will known to me
through that of my dear husband, and that I was to ac-
cept his directions as from God, and obey Him as the
church does Christ. That I must give myself to his
guidance as a child, and wherever we were called, or
however employed in the work of God, I should always
find protection, and glorify God, while I renounced all
choice by doing the will of another rather than my own.
This indeed I have always seen; but it was now more
deeply impressed on my heart, as I was assured there
was no danger in doing so, having his guidance. I saw
how often through that unaccountable fear which presses
down my spirit, I have been afraid to follow in the ways
he hath pointed out, and so have hindered the order of
God. Lord, from this day I covenant afresh to be in this
particular at Thy own disposal!
February 3, 1784. This day my convictions have
been greatly deepened concerning the sin of unwatchful-
ness in the use of my tongue. We must be willing to be
dumb, and not open our mouth when God's order calls
us to it; and to be fools in the eyes of man, that we
may receive the true wisdom.
September 12. This day I am forty-five years old.
Lord, what hath my setting sun to shine on? Must I say,
A lost life! Oh how much of it hath been so! What
might I have been! What might I have done for Thee,
O God! Yet this day I have had such a sense of the
goodness of God towards me as I cannot express. I am
176
THE LIFE OF
[PART IV.
filled with favours! I have the best of husbands, who
daily grows more and more spiritual, and I think more
healthful, being far better than when we first married.
My call is also so clear, and I have such liberty in the
work, and such sweet encouragement among the people.
My servant too is much improved,. and as faithful as if
she was my own child. An income quite comfortable,
and a good deal to help the poor with! O what shall I
render to the Lord, for all the mercies he hath shown
unto me!
October. As I was retired this morning at my ten
o'clock hour, I was called down to Mary G-—————, I asked
her if she still retained her spiritual liberty. I found
by her answers that she did, which caused me to praise
the Lord. She gave me a strange account, which I shall
insert as she related it. A short time ago, she said she
was one day going out to work in the fields, but thought
she would first go up stairs to prayer.-While on her
knees, praising God for the care He had taken of her
children, she was amazed to see her eldest son, about
twenty-one years old, standing before her! She started
up, but thought, May be it is the enemy to affright me
from prayer.
Casting her eyes again to the same spot,
she still saw him there, on which she ran down into the
kitchen, calling on the name of the Lord! Still wherever
she looked, she saw him standing before her, pale, and
as if covered with dirt! Concluding from this that he was
killed, she ran to her mother, who, on hearing the ac-
count, went directly to the pit, determined to have him
home, if alive. On her drawing near the pit, she heard
a great tumult, for the earth had fallen in on him and two
other men, and the people were striving to dig them out.
At length he was got up alive and well, and came home
to his mother, pale and dirty, just as she had seen him!
She then fell on her knees, and began praising that God
who hears and answers prayer! Many of the ungodly
neighbours, having been witness to the whole transaction,
PART IV.]
177
MRS. FLETCHER.
are much affected, and I trust this very strange occur-
rence will work for good.*
October. Yesterday I was very much taken up in
house-affairs. Various things occurred which would at
some times have been a burden; but every thing seemed
blest. These words were all day the language of my
heart,
"With thee delighted I forget
All time, and toil, and care;
Labour is rest, and toil is sweet,
If thou, my God, be there."
It was a day of prayer and sweet recollection. This day.
also I have found much of the presence of God.-O for
a power of self-denial in all things to do His will!
November 12. We have been married three years
this day. A good day it has been to me! My spirit has
been much drawn out in prayer for a further lift of faith,
without which I am sensible I cannot obtain the fulfilment
of that promise," Her clothing shall be of wrought
gold? As I was this day reflecting on the wonderful
goodness of God in my providential union with my dear
husband, (so far, so very far, beyond my warmest wishes)
my heart was enlarged with desire to render to my God
a suitable return for all his mercies! I cried from the
bottom of my soul to the Father, that He would draw me
to the Son! I called on Christ as my living Head! It
was a peculiar season. These words have ever since
abode on my mind,
"See Him to thy help come down,
The excellence divine.”
November 16. A thought struck my mind to-night, as
I was looking over some part of my diary,-That there
is not praise enough for spiritual blessings. I express
* Was not this extraordinary dispensation permitted for the good of
these ignorant ungodly persons, who were not likely to be moved by more
rational means?
Ed.
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[PART IV.
THE LIFE OF
my wants, but I ought to praise the Lord without ceasing,
that He gives me such an open door to pour out my
wants into His bosom; and the answers to prayer I have
of late found, have been so quick, so certain, and so won-
derful, I am amazed!
In July last, we believed the Lord called us to York-
shire for a few weeks,* and many answers to prayer did
we meet with in that journey. Soon after our return,
my dear husband was called to take another journey. I
knew he would meet with much fatigue therein; and
every journey hurts him much but I was amazed at the
calm resignation I felt; the language of my heart was,
"Happy to meet, yet free to part,
Through Thee for ever in one heart."
This autumn I have been a good deal among the people,
and have found great liberty both in public and private.
meetings. Two dear souls have been lately brought in,
and though persecution burns hot against them, they are
yet firm, and rejoice that they "are counted worthy to
suffer for the cause of God." Lord, keep them, and
make them firm as the beaten anvil to the stroke!
Lord's day. My dear husband was very poorly, and
had much appearance of a fever. In the morning meet-
ing, I told the dear women we must hold him up by
prayer; and indeed I felt our prayers had free access to
the Lord. It would have warmed a heart of stone to
have heard Mary Matthews give her simple, yet solid and
wise declaration of the goodness of God. She had beer.
a long time creeping hither with her sore leg; but she
seemed scarce to know which to praise God most for, the
strength he had given her to do so, or the pain she hac
felt all the night before! "For," said she, "if I had
not had pain, I should have slept. But instead of that
I had such a divine visit from my Lord, and such swee
*To attend the Conference, the last at which Mr. Fletcher wa
present. Ed
PART IV.]
179
MRS. FLETCHER.
intercourse with Him, I would not have been without it
This woman grows much in grace;
for all the world."
she is to me a great consolation, and a help in training up
some of the lambs of the flock. She had been for some
years in a mourning state, (though she still retained her
faith,) but the first Sabbath my dear hushand and I spoke
in the kitchen, she was set at liberty while these words
were sung,
"The year of jubilee is come!
Return, ye ransom'd sinners, home!"
January 5, 1785. I have this day been looking over
my many mercies, and my heart was melted into love!
O what a prospect! Lord, speak again to my heart,
“Thou shalt walk with me in white!" I cast my whole
self on thy mercy! So much I feel of it as makes me
rest under thy shadow! Thy will shall be my choice!
sometimes I think I am so surrounded with comforts, I
shall not answer that character," These are they which
came out of great tribulation.”—But I abandon myself to
Thy dear will, only let me glorify thee to the uttermost!
Yea, with every power!-It was a good time last night
also while at the prayer-meeting.
Yesterday I went with my dear husband to-but.
being taken ill, I was forced to return home. This is
often the case with me. I am oft disappointed in what
appears at first the will of God; but at this time it was
far otherwise. I felt a pleasure in appearing mean and
good for nothing. Yes, I will glory in my infirmity, that
the will of God may be done in me!
July 2. Much blest to-day while my dear husband was
preaching the sermon to the club. I had a sweet sight
how union with God could transform the soul into his
own image.
July 26. This summer being dry, I have had much
opportunity of going about. One day at the Rough Park
I had a peculiar instance of the goodness of God. A son
180
[PART IV..
THE LIFE OF
of Belial, a wicked, rude fellow, bound himself and
another young man, whom he had drawn in, under a
blasphemous oath, that they would be there by the time
we began, in order to make a disturbance. Accordingly
about six o'clock he was for setting off,-when he was
suddenly struck as with death! All about him really
thought he was dying. He continued thus for some
hours. O how easily can the Lord put his bridle into
the jaws of those He would restrain! I gave it out to
be there again that day fortnight, but in the mean time I
walked to a distant place, rather beyond my strength;
however we had a good time. On my return home, I
fet very weary, and the thought passed my mind, My
soul is too swift for my body, for it seemed as if it would
fly to those places where there appeared a call. My
earthly frame however was too heavy to drag after it.
That night I began to grow ill, and it terminated in a
fever. My limbs swelled a good deal, and I was covered
with red spots, but had not much pain. Now I had a
fresh instance of the tender care and love of my blessed
partner ;—sickness was made pleasant by his kind atten-
tion. When the day came for me to be at the Rough
Park, he went himself, but was so penetrated with the
thought of losing me, that he preached as it were my
funeral sermon; and the dear people joined him in his
feelings and prayer. During this illness, many thoughts
passed my mind, which I can scarce account for. For a
good while past my dear husband has joined with me in
We are led to offer
prayer in an uncommon manner.
ourselves to do and suffer all the will of God. Some-
thing seems to tell me I must have more of the bitter
cup; and these words are much with me" That I may
stand in the evil day, and having done all-stand." My
prayer is, That the evil day may be before death,—not at
the last. But, Lord, Thy will-Thy whole will be done!
Certainly I have now scarce any cross.-Thou hast
made my cup to run over! Yea, Thou hast made me to
PART IV.]
181
MRS. FLETCHER.
forget all my sorrows. It seems as if I had never suffered
any thing! There is not a comfort I can wish for, which
I have not;-but, Lord, I want more grace!
October 25. When I wrote last, (July 26,) I was
indeed arrived at the summit of human felicity! My cup
did indeed run over! I often said, Lord! how is this?
Am I indeed one of those of whom it is said, "These
are they who came out of great tribulation?" My way
is strewed with roses. I am ready to say with Joseph,
"The Lord hath made me to forget all my afflictions,
and all my father's house!""
But Oh! how shall I write it!-On the fourteenth of
August, 1785, the dreadful moment came! The sun of
my earthly joys for ever set, and the cloud arose which
casts the sable on all my future life! At half past ten
that Sabbath night, I closed the eyes of my beloved!
What a change! The whole creation wears a new face
The posture of my mind at this season, I will
not trust to my memory to describe. I will leave it in
the rough manner I then set it down. Perhaps some one
walking in the same dreary path, may find a little com-
fort therefrom. To others, it may be dry and insipid.
"The heart knoweth its own bitterness,'
to me.
On September 15, 1785, I wrote in my diary as follows,
"I am truly a desolate woman, who hath no helper but
Thee." I remember a little before the translation of
my
dearest love, we were drawn out continually to ask
for a greater measure of the Spirit—such a measure as
was given at Pentecost: or in other words, such a mani-
festation of the loving nature of God, as should fulfil in
us that promise, "Ye are the temples of the Holy
Ghost." This I asked and pleaded for, and that on any
"That
condition. My dear Mr. Fletcher used to say,
is right, Polly, let us hold fast there, and leave all the
rest to God; though He should be constrained to part
us asunder to give the answer."
16
182
[PART IV.
THE LIFE OF
On the Tuesday before my love died, when those
words were applied to my mind, "Where I am, there
shall my servants be, that they may behold my glory,"
I felt such a power in them, as seemed in a great degree
to take away the bitterness even of that dreadful cup.
"To behold my glory!" That thought would for moments
swallow up all, and I seemed to lose myself in the desire
of His glory being manifested. But that awful night!
when I had hung over my dear husband for many hours,
expecting every breath to be his last, and during which
time he could not speak to, nor take any notice of me,
a flood of unspeakable sorrow overspread my heart, and
quite overwhelmed my spirit. I was scarcely in my
senses;—and such a fear seized my soul lest I should say
or do any thing displeasing to the Lord, that I was torn
as it were a thousand ways at once.
My fatigue had been great, I was barely recovered of
my fever, and this stroke so tore my nerves, that it was
an inlet to much temptation. In former parts of my life,
I have felt deep sorrow; but such were now my feelings,
that no words that I am able to think of can convey an
adequate idea thereof. The next morning-Oh! my
God! What a cup didst thou put into my hand! Not only
my beloved husband, but it appeared to me my Saviour
also, was torn from me! Clouds and darkness surrounded
both soul and body! The sins even of my infancy came
before me, and assaulted me as thick as hail! I seemed
to have no love, no faith, no light,-and yet I could not
doubt but I should see the smiling face of God in glory!
Yea-that heaven would terminate all my sufferings!
There did not seem one dart thrown at my final salva-
tion. An unshaken belief that Christ would bring me
through all, was my great support;—and it seemed to
me, that I must have been annihilated had I been moved
from that anchor. No finite creature could have sup-
ported it. My agonized soul seemed to sweat blood;
PART IV.]
183
MRS. FLETCHER.
and I felt the meaning of those words, "The pains of
hell got hold upon me!" What, said I, is this the soul that
but a few days ago delighted in the thought of "His
glory!" But now he hath entered into judgment with
me! My soul was amazed, and in deep anguish; and
literally my life drew nigh to the grave!
When formerly I have read accounts like this, I have
thought,―These persons have a strong way of expressing
themselves ;-but alas!
-but alas! I solemnly declare, no expres-
sion appears to me strong enough for what I felt.
word passed my mind several times.
"Even to His Father did He look
In pain,-His Father him forsook!"
That
A host of foes seemed to surround me, and I was (as it
appeared to me) given into their hands.*-Those words
came often to my mind, "To know him, and the power
of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings."
Sometimes I remembered that expression, "My God!
my God! why hast thou forsaken me?"
I cast my
mournful eyes towards the "Man of sorrows" who
spoke them, but there seemed no answer, all was horror
and darkness.
Many times a day I visited my lovely corpse, remem-
bering, as I knelt beside him, how he used to say,
"Ah!
my dear Polly, must I ever see thee laid out on this bed!".
But alas! he could no more speak to me, no more
express his tender sympathy! Now "I trod the wine-
press alone," and truly, "there was none with me.'
The rest of the day, I sat mostly alone in the next room,
>>
* This whole account describes truly,-"The hour, and the power
of
darkness. The blast of the terrible ones" was indeed "as a storm against
the wall" But this "follower of Christ," nevertheless, "walked not in
darkness." She, like her Master, could say, "My God! My God!" when
her "soul was sorrowful even unto death." Thus "Heaven its choicest
gold by suffering tried." The saint sustained it,-but the woman felt:
and she no more disguised her feelings than our divine Master did. Ed.
184
[PART IV.
THE LIFE OF
""
where my window presented to my view the grave
digging, and the church-yard visited by numbers to look
at the vault!-Soon it occurred to my mind, that before
we married, some letters had passed between us on par-
ticular subjects, which he had often told me I had better
burn, saying, "Thou puttest it off; and if one of us
should die,-it will almost kill the other to do it then,
Yet, being loath to part with them, I had neglected to
do it; but now being seized with a kind of palsy, and
loss of memory, I thought, perhaps in another day I may
not be able to do it, and then I shall be unfaithful to my
dear husband's command. The third day therefore I
carried them to the fire.-But oh! what did I feel at
the sight! I could not even avoid seeing some of the
tender expressions they contained, which were now as
barbed arrows to my heart. Next day came on the
funeral.
All this time my soul was as in the lion's den. The
day after, I heard that some reports were abroad con-
cerning my dear husband's death,-as if he had been
delirious, and expired in great agonies. I believed I was
called to write the truth;-and casting myself on the
Lord, to be guided by his hand as a mere machine, I took
up my pen, and wrote to Mr. Wesley the following
letter.-I wrote it at one sitting, intending to copy it
afterward; but I had no more strength than just sufficed
for the occasion. I sent it therefore as it was to the
press, and left it all to God.
“Rev. and very dear Sir,
August 18th, 1785.
Though but yesterday I parted with my beloved
husband's remains, I must now endeavour to collect my
wounded mind, as I would not have any of his words fall
to the ground, and give, if possible, some account of the
awful, but to him glorious scene.
PART IV.]
185
MRS. FLETCHER.
"Our union increased daily, as did his health and
strength; his consumptive complaint appeared quite
removed, and in my eyes the bitterness of death was
past. The work was sweetly prospering, and in a variety
of circumstances the sun of prosperity shone around us.
"For some time before this last illness, his precious
soul (always alive to God) was particularly penetrated
with the nearness of eternity; there was scarce an hour
in which he was not calling upon me to drop every thought
and every care, that we might attend to nothing but drink-
ing deeper into God. We spent much time in wrestling
prayer for the fulness of the Spirit, and were led in a
very peculiar manner, to an act of abandonment (as we
called it) of our whole selves into the hands of God, to
do or suffer whatever was pleasing to him. On Thursday,
August 4th, he was taken up in the work of God from
three in the afternoon, till nine at night; when he came
home, he said, I have taken cold.-Friday and Saturday
he was but poorly, though he went out part of the day,
but seemed uncommonly drawn out in prayer. On
Saturday night his fever first appeared very strong.—I
begged him not to go to the church in the morning, but
let a pious brother who was here, preach in the yard ;
but he told me he believed it was the will of the Lord,
and that he was assured it was right he should go; in
which case I never dared to dissuade him. As I was in
the morning with a little company of our pious women,
I begged they would pray that he might be strengthened,
and that I might have a grain of that faith which supported
the faithful when their friends were martyred. In read-
ing prayers he almost fainted away.-I got through the
crowd, with a friend, and entreated him to come out of
the desk, as did some others; but he let us know, in his
sweet manner, that we were not to interrupt the order
of God. I then retired to my pew, where all around me
were in tears. When he was a little refreshed by the
windows being opened, and a nosegay thrown into the
16 *
186
[PART IV.
THE LIFE OF
desk by a friend, he went on; and afterward going up
into the pulpit, preached with a strength and recollection
which surprised us all.
In his first prayer he said, 'Lord, thou wilt manifest
thy strength in weakness, we confer not with flesh
and blood, but put our trust under the shadow of thy
wings.'
6
"His text was from Psalm xxxvi, Thou Lord shalt save
both man and beast; how excellent is thy mercy, O God:
and the children of men shall put their trust under the
shadow of thy wings.'
:
"After he had pointed out the Saviour of mankind,
and observed how some by sin had made themselves
beasts, he showed that the promise, even in that sense,
might be applied to the sinner as well as to the beasts of
the earth and in speaking to these, with his usual
earnestness, he pressed, invited, and entreated them to
return unto God, enforcing those words of our Lord
when he came near to Jerusalem, and wept over it—` If
thou hadst known, even thou, at least in this thy day,
the things which belong to thy peace! but now they are
hid from thine eyes.' These words peculiarly pierced.
the hearts of many, as they have since told me. He
continued to observe, in nearly the following words,
· That the wings of the Lord are compared to those of
an eagle for strength and protection,' Exodus xix. I
bare you on eagles wings, and brought you unto myself.'
And to those of a hen for love and care, 'Like as a hen
gathereth her chickens under her wings.' In the Jewish
tabernacle, where was the Holy of Holies, two cherubim
were placed, whose extended wings joining together
overshadowed the mercy-seat. When Christ died upon
the cross, his arms were stretched out, and these were
as wings of love which he opened, and still holds wide
open to receive all that come unto him; let us then,
when we see his love and power thus united to save and
bless us, enter boldly into the Holy of Holies through
PART IV.]
187
MRS. FLETCHER.
the door of divine mercy. A friend threw me some
flowers to revive me when I was faint, but the mercy
of the Lord is far more reviving;-it is this I would hold
out to you, and drop it into your very bosoms; may it
sink deep there, that you may taste and see how good
the Lord is,' and confess that his saving mercy is above
the richest perfume, for he saves both man and beast?'
C
"After sermon he went up the aisle to the commu-
nion table, with these words, I am going to throw my-
self under the wings of the cherubim before the mercy-
seat.'
The congregation was large, and the service held till
near two. Sometimes he could scarcely stand, and was
often obliged to stop for want of power to speak. The
people were deeply affected.-Weeping was on every
side. Gracious Lord! how was it my soul was kept so
calm in the midst of the most tender feelings? Notwith-
standing his extreme weakness, he gave out several
verses of hymns, and various lively sentences of exhor-
tation. As soon as the service was over, we hurried
him away to his bed, where he immediately fainted away.
He afterward dropped into a sleep for some time, and
upon waking, cried out with a pleasant smile- Now, my
dear, thou seest I am no worse for doing the Lord's
work, he never fails me when I trust in him.' After he
had got a little dinner he dozed most of the evening ;-
now and then waking (as was usual with him) full of the
praises of God. That night his fever returned, but not
so bad as on Saturday; nevertheless from Sunday his
strength decreased amazingly. On Monday and Tuesday
we had a little paradise together; he lay on a couch in
the study, and was at times very restless, as to change
of posture, but sweetly pleasant, and often slept for a
good while. When awake, he delighted much in hear-
ing me read hymns and tracts on faith and love. His
words were all animating, and his patience beyond what
I can express. When he had any bitter or nauseous
188
[PART IV.
THE LIFE OF
medicine to take, he seemed to enjoy the cross, remind-
ing me of a word he used often to repeat,—that our
business was to seek a perfect conformity to the will of
God, and then leave Him to give us what comfort he
saw good. I asked him, if he should be taken from me,
whether he had any particular directions or orders to
give me, since I desired to form my whole life thereby.
He replied, No, not by mine, the Holy Ghost shall
direct thee; I have nothing particular to say, only that
the Lord will open all before thee;-and let not any one
bring thee into bondage. If I stay with thee, I will keep
thee from oppression; but if I should be taken from
thee, beware.'—I said, Hast thou any conviction the
Lord is about to take thee?He answered, 'No, not in
particular, only I always see death so inexpressibly near,
that we both seem to stand as on the verge of eternity.'
While he slept a little, I laid my trial before the Lord,
entreating him, if it was his good pleasure, to spare my
beloved husband a little longer; but my prayer seemed
to have no wings.-It was held down, and I could not
help mingling continually therewith, Lord, give me per-
fect resignation! This uncertainty in my own mind made
me rather tremble, lest the Lord was going to take the
bitter cup out of my dear's hand, and give it unto me.
The cup of separation, he had for some weeks before
very deeply drank of, when I myself was ill of the
fever. At that time he often passed through the whole
parting scene, and struggled for the fortitude of perfect
resignation. Sometimes he would say at that season,
Polly! shall I ever see the day when thou must be car-
ried out to be buried? How will the little things which
thou wast accustomed to use, and all those which thy
tender care has prepared for me in every part of the
house, how will they wound and distress me! How is
it? I think I feel jealousy-I am jealous of the
worm! I seem to shrink at giving my dear Polly to
the worms!'
PART IV.]
189
MRS. FLETCHER.
"Now all these reflections returned with a mill-stone's
weight on my heart. I cried to the Lord, and those
words were deeply impressed on my spirit, 'Where I
am, there shall my servants be, that they may behold my
glory.' This promise was full of matter as well as unc-
tion to my soul. It explained itself thus, that in Christ's
immediate presence was our home, and that we should
I re-
find our reunion in being deeply centred in him.
ceived it as a fresh marriage for eternity. As such I still
take, and trust for ever to hold it. All that day, when-
ever I thought of this expression, 'to behold my glory,'
it seemed to wipe every tear away, and was as the ring
by which we were joined anew.
'Awaking sometime after, he said, 'Polly, I will tell
you what I have been thinking of—It was Israel's fault
that they asked for signs; we will not do so; but aban-
doning our whole selves into the hands of God, we will
there lie patiently before him, assured that he will do all
things well.'
666
My dear love, said I, if ever I have done or said any
thing to grieve thee, how will the remembrance wound
my heart, shouldst thou be taken from me!'
"He entreated and charged me, with inexpressible
tenderness, not to allow the thought; declaring his
thankfulness for our union, in a variety of words, which
remain written on my heart, as with the adamantine pen
of friendship deeply dipt in blood.
0
"On Wednesday, after groaning all day as it were
under the weight of the power of God, he told me, he
had received such a manifestation of the full meaning of
that word, 'God is love,' as he could never be able to
tell. It fills me, said he; it fills me every moment.
Polly! my dear Polly! God is love! shout, shout aloud—
Oh! it so fills me, I want a gust of praise to go to the
ends of the earth. But it seems as if I could not speak
much longer; let us fix on a sign between ourselves,
(tapping me twice with his dear finger,) now I mean
190
[PART IV.
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'God is love, and we will draw each other into God:
observe! by this we will draw each other into God.'
(C
Sally coming in, he cried out, O Sally! God is
love!' shout both of you ;-I want to hear you shout his
praise. Indeed it was a season of love. All this time,
the medical friend who attended him with unwearied
diligence, hoped he was in no danger. He knew it to be
the fever, but as he had no bad head-ach, much sleep,
without the least delirium, and an almost regular pulse,
seldom much quicker than my own, he thought the
symptoms amazingly mild; for though the disease was
commissioned to take his life, yet it seemed so restrained
by the power of God, that we truly discerned in it the
verity of those words, Death is yours.
(
"On Thursday his speech began to fail. While he
was able he continued speaking to all who came in his
way. Accidentally hearing that a stranger was in the
house, he ordered her to be called up, though uttering
two sentences almost made him faint. To his friendly
Doctor, he would not be silent while he had any power
of speech; often saying, O Sir, you take much thought
for my body, give me leave to take thought for your
soul.' And I believe his words will remain with that
friend for ever. When I could scarcely understand any
thing he said, I spoke these words, 'God is love!'
Instantly he catched them, as if all his powers were
awakened afresh, and broke out in a rapture, ' God is
love, love, love! O for that gust of praise I want to
sound.'-Here his dear voice again failed.
He was
restless, and often suffered many ways, but with such
patience, as none but those who were with him can
conceive. If I named his sufferings-he would smile,
and make the sign.
On Friday, finding his dear body covered with spots,
I so far understood them, as to feel a sword pierce
through my soul. As I was kneeling by his bed, with
my hand in his, entreating the Lord to be with us in this
PART IV.]
191
MRS. FLETCHER.
tremendous hour, he strove to say many things, but could
not: pressing my hand, and often repeating the sign, at
last he breathed out- Head of the church, be head to
my wife."
When for a few moments I was forced to
leave him, to gather up some sheets of one of his manu-
scripts, which I feared would be lost,-Sally said to him,
My dear master, do you know me?' He replied,
Sally, God will put his right-hand under you.' She
added, 'O my dear master, should you be taken away,
what a disconsolate creature will my poor dear mistress
be!' He replied, ' God will be her all in all.' He had
always delighted much in these words,
"Jesu's blood thro' earth and skies,
Mercy, free, boundless mercy cries !"
And whenever I repeated them to him, would answer,
boundless, boundless, boundless! and in allusion to them, he
now replied, though with great difficulty,
Mercy's full power I soon shall prove,
Lov'd with an everlasting love."
On Saturday afternoon his fever seemed quite off,
and a few Christian friends standing near the bed, he
reached his hand to each of them, and looking on a
Minister, who was weeping by him, he said, 'Are you
ready to assist to-morrow?' Which recollection of his
amazed us much, as the day of the week had not been
named in his room. Most about him could not but
believe he was better, and would get over it. One said,
'Do you think that the Lord will raise you up?—He
strove to answer, saying, 'Raise in resur-———, raise in
resur ,' meaning in the resurrection. To another
who asked the same question, he said, 'I leave it all to
God.'
"In the evening his fever returned with violence,
and the mucus falling on the windpipe occasioned him to
be almost strangled. He suffered greatly; and it was
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[PART IV.
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C
feared the same painful emotion would continue and grow
more violent to the last. This I felt most exquisitely,
and cried to the Lord to remove it; and glory be to his
name he did remove it; and it returned no more in that
way. As night drew on, I thought I perceived him dying
very fast; his fingers could now hardly move to make
the sign, (which he seemed scarce ever to forget) and his
speech, as it seemed, was quite gone. I said,
I said, My dear
creature, I ask not for myself, I know thy soul, but for the
sake of others; if Jesus is very present with thee, lift
thy right-hand.' He did so I added, 'If the prospect of
glory sweetly opens before thee, repeat the sign.' He
then raised it again—and in a half a minute a second
time, then threw it up with all his remaining strength, as
if he would reach the top of the bed! After this his
dear hands moved no more; but on my saying, 'Art
thou in much pain?' He answered, 'No.' From this
time he entered into a state that might be called a kind
of sleep, though with eyes open and fixed, and his hands
utterly void of any motion. For the most part he sat
upright against pillows, with his head a little inclined to
one side, and so remarkably composed and triumphant
was his countenance, that the least trace of death was
scarcely discernible in it.
ઃઃ
Twenty-four hours, my dearly beloved was in this
situation, breathing like a person in common sleep.-
About 35 minutes past ten on Sunday night, August 14th,
with-
his precious soul entered into the joy of the Lord,
out one struggle or groan,-in the 56th year of his age.
"Often he had said, when hearing of happy deaths,
Well, let us get holy lives, and we will leave the rest to
God.-But I, who was scarce a minute at a time from
him night or day, can truly say, that there was the
strongest reason to believe,
"No cloud did arise, to darken the skies,
Or hide for one moment his Lord from his eyes."
PART IV.]
193
MRS. FLETCHER.
"And here I break off my mournful story! I could
say abundance more; but on my bleeding heart his fair
picture of heavenly excellence will be for ever drawn.—
When I call to mind his ardent zeal, his laborious
endeavours to seek and save the lost-his diligence in
the employment of his time-his Christlike condescen-
sion towards me, and his uninterrupted converse with
heaven, I may well be allowed to add, my loss is beyond
the power of words to paint. O Sir, you know I have
trodden deep waters, but all my afflictions were nothing
compared to this.' Well, I want no pleasant prospect,
but upwards-nor any thing whereon to fix my hope, but
immortality.
"On the 17th, his dear remains were deposited in
Madely Church-yard; amid the tears and lamentations of
thousands, who flocked about the bier of their dead Pas-
tor. Between the house and the church they sung these
verses,-
"With heavenly weapons he hath fought
The battles of the Lord;
Finish'd his course, and kept the faith,
And gain'd the great reward.
God hath laid up in heaven for him
A crown which cannot fade ;
The righteous Judge, at that great day,
Shall place it on his head."
“The service was performed by the Rev. Mr. Hatton,
Rector of Waters-upton, whom the Lord moved in a
pathetic manner, to speak to his weeping flock on the sad
occasion. In the conclusion, at my request, he read the
following paper-
"As it was the desire of my beloved husband to be
buried in this plain manner, so out of tenderness, he
begged that I might not be present; and in all things I
would obey him.
17
194
[PART IV.
THE LIFE OF
"Permit me then to take this opportunity, by the
mouth of a friend, to bear my open testimony, to the
glory of God, that I who have known him in the most
perfect manner, am constrained to declare, I never knew
any one walk so closely in the ways of God as he did.-
The Lord gave him a conscience tender as the apple of
an eye. He literally preferred the interest of every one
to his own. He was rigidly just, but perfectly loose from
all attachment to the world. He shared his all with the
poor, who lay so close to his heart, that on the approach
of death, though his speech was so gone that he could
utter nothing without difficulty, he cried out, O my poor!
what will become of my poor! I am dead to my poor!
He was blest with so great a degree of humility as is
scarcely to be found.—I am witness how often he has
taken a real pleasure in being treated with contempt;
indeed it seemed the very food of his soul to be little
and unknown. When he said to me, Thou wilt write
a line or two to my brother in Switzerland, if I die.' I
replied, My dear love, I will write him all the Lord's
dealings with thee. No no,' said he, write nothing
about me.-I desire to be forgotten-God is all !'
"His zeal for souls I need not tell you, let the labour
of twenty-five years, and a martyr's death in the con-
clusion, imprint it on your hearts.- His diligent visitation
of the sick, laid, to appearance, the foundation of the
spotted fever, which, by God's commission, tore him from
you and me and his vehement desire to take his last
leave of you, with dying lips and hands, gave (it is sup-
posed) the finishing stroke, by preparing his blood for
putrefaction. Thus hath he lived and died your servant.
-And will any of you refuse to meet him at God's right-
hand in that day?
He walked with death always in sight; and about
two months ago, he came to me one day and said, 'My
dear loye, I know not how it is, but I have a strange
PART IV.]
195
MRS. FLETCHER.
impression death is very near us, as if it would be some
sudden stroke upon one of us; and it draws out all my
soul in prayer that we may be ready.' He then broke
out, Lord, prepare the soul thou wilt call; and O stand by
the poor disconsolate one who shall be left behind.
"A few days before his departure, he was filled with
love in an uncommon manner, saying to me,—' I have
had such a discovery of the depth of that word, God is
love, as I cannot tell thee half, but it fills me, it fills me,
O Polly! my dear Polly, God is love! shout his praise;
I want a gust of praise to reach to the ends of the earth.'
And the same he testified as long as he had voice, and
continued to testify to the end, by a most lamblike
patience, in which he victoriously smiled at death, and
set his last seal to the glorious truths he had so long
preached among you.
“Three years, nine months, and two days, I have pos-
sessed my heavenly-minded husband; but now, the sun of
my earthly joy is set for ever, and my soul filled with an
anguish, which only finds its consolation in a total aban-
donment and resignation to the will of God: an exercise
to which my dear husband and I had of late been particu-
larly drawn. When I was asking the Lord if he pleased
to spare him to me a little longer, the following answer
was impressed on my mind with great power, and in the
accomplishment of this word of promise, I look for our
reunion, 'Where I am there shall my servants be, that
they may behold my glory!' Lord, hasten the hour!
"I am,
"The Rev. Mr. Wesley."
Rev. and dear Sir, &c.
"MARY FLETCHER."
My anguish was extreme, All outward support seemed
to be withdrawn ;-appetite and sleep quite failed me,-
and even the air, I often thought had entirely lost all its
vivifying powers. As I never before had any conception
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[PART IV.
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of the bitter anguish which the Lord saw good to visit
me with at this season: so I can give no just description
of it. "Known unto God are all his ways ;" and I was
assured, even in the midst of my trouble, that all He did
was well, and that there was a needs be for this heavy
trial. But what bound all my other trials upon me was,
I felt continually the keenest accusations from Satan,
constraining me by every possible suggestion to look at
my extreme sensibility in suffering, as being deeply
sinful! What, thought I, has made this change! If Jesus
was my all, should I not feel as keenly the sense of his
having suffered for me, as I do in the thought of my dear
husband's kindness, and in the dreadful feeling of my
separation from him?—And because I could feel but
very faint touches of sensible communion with God, I
was torn as it were in pieces. All my religion seemed
shrunk into one point; viz. a constant cry, Thy will be
done!* I will, yes, I will glorify Thee! even in this fire.
Yet it seemed to me I did not glorify him;-and so
afraid was I of turning to any human comfort, or stop-
ping short of all the Lord would have me to do or be,
that in the midst of this terrible furnace, I can say,—that
at every moment my conscience was Quick as the apple
of an eye, the slightest touch of sin to feel." Yea, my
spirit was all eye to discern its most distant approach.
Yet in every thing I seemed to be accused, and also con-
demned; so that my soul was indeed sorrowful even unto
death.t
One morning before I was awake, I heard singing
voices, as just over my face; they answered one another
with these words,
*This is a fruit of the Spirit that never fails those who abide in the faith,
even in the darkest hour. Ed.
In all this I believe the pious and well-informed reader will be
satisfied that, (as the Holy Ghost testifies of Job,) "she sinned not, nor
charged God foolishly."
Ed.
PART IV.]
197
MRS. FLETCHER.
"Weep ye in Zion's deep distress,
In Zion's sorrow mourn."
Then one voice, which I well knew to be that of my
dearest love, spake in distinct words, and with much
emphasis-
"Fight the good fight of faith with me,
My fellow-soldier, fight."
It gave me some little comfort, and animated me to follow
his bright example.
One day these words were applied with much power
to my heart, "These light afflictions, which are but for a
moment, shall work out for you a far more exceeding and
eternal weight of glory." What, said I, did the apostle,
who had been in the third heaven, and knew well what
he said;-Did he call these afflictions light, when put
in the scale with that glory? It was answered in my
heart, yes, as a bubble! "compared with the glory that
shall be revealed." I got a momentary glimpse of our
home above, in the celestial city; and those words were
spoken through my heart,
"Heaven is thy inheritance,
Thou shalt soon remove from hence."
Very many were these little in-breakings of light, yea,
often in a day;-yet my pain was unspeakable. I was
constantly perplexed with that thought, that a believer
can never be in darkness; that they always “Rejoice
with joy unspeakable and full of glory." That nothing
but sin given way to, can damp their joy."
inlet to much temptation; and now, I had no one to
tell my troubles to! No partner to bear a share in
them. In all our spiritual conflicts we had been so en-
tirely one, that cares by being divided were hushed into
*
This was an
* Yes, temptation can damp their joy; but only sin can destroy it, Her
joy was not destroyed: she had "times of refreshing." Ed.
17 *
198
[PART IV.
THE LIFE OF
peace. A word from him would frequently light up as
it were a candle in my soul; and was enough to turn
aside the keenest temptation. But now I trod the wine-
press alone, and felt my dependence had been too much
on the creature. I had clung to him as the ivy to the
oak, and now seemed to be nothing! I saw myself
left in a howling wilderness alone! Yet still I could
say-
"With thee I on Zion shall stand,
For Jesus hath spoken the word.'
11
But the Lord seemed to do by me, as by the Canaan-
itish woman; He did not answer me!-I followed, and
often said in my heart, (reflecting on all my unfaithful-
ness,) Ah! "It is not meet to take the children's bread
and cast it to the dogs!" It seemed I could to all eternity
have praised him for the least drop of comfort,-and yet
I felt the power of these words,-
"A drop will not suffice,
My soul for all thy fulness cries."
In the midst of this dreadful conflict I felt some conso-
lation from the thought, that by the account of his
precious death, which surely the Lord himself prompted,
and enabled me to write, (as I had hardly at the time
either sense or memory,) I had helped, in a little mea-
sure, that shout of praise to go forth, which with his
dying lips, he said he wanted to reach the ends of the
earth! And though I have lost my dear husband, and
felt the force of the "hour and power of darkness" yet
through all, I believed I should conquer. So it is with
me now ;-but, I do not seem as yet to have the privi-
lege of shouting victory.
As soon as the funeral was over, I found the dear
children which my beloved partner had left behind,
laid upon my mind. I saw there were many things to
´setile among them respecting the work of God; some
PART IV.]
199
MRS. FLETCHER.
dangerous rocks to avoid, and some needful plans to
propose. Therefore before another week passed, I saw
I must act among them, and meet the people the same
as before ;-and though very ill and filled with sorrow,
the Lord enabled me to do so,-showing me the only
way to bear the cross profitably, was so to carry it as if
I carried it not. About a fortnight before my dear hus-
band's last sickness, he was one night at the Wednesday
meeting, when being greatly affected about me, as I was
ill at that time, he could hardly get through it. He said
to me afterward, "My dear, I could scarcely speak to
the people. I felt I knew not how, as if thy empty
chair stood by me! Something seemed to say, we
should soon be parted; and I thought, Must I meet these
people, and see my Polly's empty chair always by me ?"
But now the cup was mine. Yea, and I have drunk it to
the very dregs!
September 21, 1785. Ah! Lord, my soul is ex-
ceeding sorrowful! How lonely doth my situation ap-
pear! Torn from my dear companion, and made to walk
in this dreary path! But this is my greatest weight, I do
not feel that union with Thee, that would make up all.
There are indeed moments in which a glimpse of thy love
seems to unite me to all good, and wipes away every
tear. But these are transient touches, and I am deeply
oppressed with that fear that I am not approved in thy
sight, because I do not Rejoice evermore! I well know I
want a farther plunge into thy sacred will. I am not yet
The temple of the Holy Ghost."
For some time back those words have been much on
my mind, “Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may
stand in the evil day, and having done all, may stand." I
have sometimes said, Lord, have I passed that evil day,
or is it still to come? And I always felt with submis-
sion a desire it might not be in death. O Lord! do all
thy will upon me, but make me wholly conformable
to thy divine nature! Glorify thyself in thy poor crea-
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[PART IV.
THE LIFE OF
ture! I feel as if soul and body would be divided by
this terrible wrench! Yet I acquiesce, fully acquiesce
in thy divine disposal. Yes, I see and admire thy wis-
dom! I bow down to a dispensation I do not clearly
understand! The Lord hath done it! and that shall be
enough to satisfy me. I remember one of my dear hus-
band's dying sayings was,-Polly, let us not fear, God is
love! What canst thou fear, my dearest, when God is
love? I feel it is the truth; nevertheless, I do not feel
perfect rest in that truth, for want of that perfect love
which casteth out all fear. Nothing will do for me but
the indwelling Deity! 'He that dwelleth in love,
dwelleth in God, and God in him."
October 3, 1785. My sorrowful soul waiteth on thee,
O Lord! Oh! what a cloud there is on my whole situa-
tion! Three months ago I was raised to the highest pitch
of human consolation. I often thought all that God could
give of temporal comforts was poured upon me. When-
ever I was hearing any one speak of the afflictions they
were under, I used to be humbled to the very dust.
Something would suggest,-Ah! you may well bear
your crosses, and rejoice that ye have such a treasure
continually augmenting in your bosom; but bet God only
lay his hand on your husband, and see then whether you
will bless him? It seemed to me, that I so honoured
any of my fellow-creatures who were in trouble, that I
could kiss the very dust from their feet, and was often
filled with astonishment, why such a wretch as me was
spared their bitter cup! But now I drink it indeed: yet
at the same time I can say, I see it my privilege to “fol-
low the Lamb whithersoever he goeth," without ask-
ing where, or to what new cross he will lead me.
what should I do were it not for the privilege of pouring
out my soul in prayer! Lord, come and make thine
abode in me!
One day when I had some reason to think this house
would be wanted, and that I must quit it, I began to con-
PART IV.]
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MRS. FLETCHER.
I reflected on my
sider where I had best remove to.
dear husband's words, when he said a little before he lost
his speech," Stay here, my dear ;-I do not speak for
the people only, but for thy sake. Thou wilt never be
so well settled again. Here thou wilt be most out of the
way from many things which would be a cross and a
hinderance to thee." It was therefore very painful for
me to think of taking one single step, in any thing con-
trary to his advice. And yet I must own, had he not all
along said I must stay here, I believe I could not have
resolved so to do, for every day brought me some cutting
trial.-A new ministry, a new plan for the work, and
various causes of anxiety and trouble.
But now it appeared I must remove. I began to think
of one place and another, but every one seemed to bear
the gloom of night. I could see no spot in the creation.
for me to rest in. A peculiar inward feeling also, seemed
to turn from every place I could think of, as if the smile
of God was not on my going there. I said, Lord, show
me what I shall do! Only show me what is Thy will
I thought on two places the most likely; and had some
desire to draw a lot concerning them. I had the paper
in my hand in order so to do, when the remembrance
of my dearest love was presented strongly to my mind,
as speaking again those words, "Polly, do not let us look
for signs; let us leave ourselves in the hand of God.'
I felt an immediate light of faith, and throwing the paper
out of my hand, I took up the Bible, intending to read,
and for the present to drop every other thought. It
opened on those words-"God shall choose our inherit-
ance for us." All my spirit acquiesced, and I answered,
"Yea, Lord! Thou hast chosen for my dear the bright
mansions above; and thou wilt choose for me all my
wanderings below." There seemed for a moment such
a communion opened between the family below and that
above, as I cannot express.
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ઃઃ
Soon after this, I received a message from Mr. Kiner-
son, letting me know that I should never be turned out
of the house, but might rent it; which I received as an
answer from the Lord directing my way. It also brought
to my mind a dream I had some years before I married.
-I dreamed a man came to me to offer me some tithes.
I replied, Friend, I have nothing to do with tithes,-
I have no concern in any living. But soon after, I said
to one of my family, Hannah, I am going away, I have
a call from the Lord,-I must go. But again I thought
I know not where, not even into what country. How-
ever, the way of duty is the way of safety. I will set out,
and God will lead me. Immediately I left Cross-hall,
and after walking a few paces, I thought I was carried
in a moment, I knew not how, and set down in a church-
yard-and some one said to me, You are to enter into
this church. I went in, and walking up the aisle, I
heard a kind of groan, and said, That is the sound of
death. When I came out of the church, I entered into
a house which was just by it. As I was on the steps,
was said inwardly to me,-This is the habitation which
God hath chosen for you. I answered, O no I cannot
live here. It is the order of God for me to live in York-
shire. I went into some of the rooms, and found in one
I passed through a man and woman.
In the next was a
young woman with a child on her lap. She appeared
We soon
dying of a consumption, and in great conflicts.
entered into conversation, and she seemed very spiritual.
After a time she told me, I must come and live here,
and here abide. I replied, "O no, I live at Cross-hall
in Yorkshire; and have a great family, and many calls
there." But, said she, it is the will of God to bring you
here. There is work for you to do. She added, do not
be frightened; God will make you a comfortable habita-
tion. I said, Have you the Gospel here ? She replied,
Yes. And who, said I, is the minister that brought it
among you? She replied, He is not here now.
Then
PART IV.]
203
MRS. FLETCHER.
who, said I, is your present minister? She showed me
a name of three syllables ;-but though I read it over
and over-I could only remember the two last,—“ ner-
son."I felt myself in great anguish and sorrow of mind,
(though I could not assign any cause,) and said, I must
go away, I cannot stay here. I do not know that man
and woman.-I cannot live with them. She replied,
“That man and woman will go away when you come.
But here is a work for you to do, and you must abide
here. Do not be frightened; God will make you a com-
fortable habitation." Being determined however to re-
turn home, I went down stairs, and seeing a coach ready
to be hired, I beckoned to it; the man opened the door,
and as I was stepping in, he said, Where will you be
carried to? I strove to say, Cross-hall in Yorkshire,
but could not. Then I strove to name various habita-
tions I had formerly lived in, but could remember the
name of none.As he still persevered in his questions,
I at last stepped back, and pointing to the house I came
out of, I said, "That is my home, and God hath taken
the remembrance of every other out of my heart.'
""
I knew nothing of the situation of any thing in Madely
when I had this dream-but when, some years after, I
told it to my dear Mr. Fletcher, he said,
"There was a
man and woman who lived with me at that time,—and a
young woman, A. C. who was very useful in the work,
to which she proved a nursing mother. She died of a
consumption, in which she had many conflicts." I said,
Was there a minister here whose name ended with-
But now I understand it all.
nerson? He replied, “No.”
-Had I before remembered the whole name, I should
at once have known this dream would be fulfilled at my
dear husband's death, as Mr. Kenerson was the patron,
and his son now became our Vicar.-My dear Mr. Fletch-
er always said, If he died he believed I was to stay here;—
And there are some circumstances which reconciled me
so to do.
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[PART IV.
THE LIFE OF
First, I never was in any situation in which I had so
much opportunity of doing good, (according to my small
abilities) as in this place, and that in various ways, public
and private; and to many who live at a distance also.
These are providentially thrown in my way, and I find
such clear leadings of the Spirit in conversing with them,
that, (painful as many circumstances are,) I am constrain-
ed to say, If I choose for the work of God, here I must
abide and fix my home.*
Secondly. Here I have a great many sweet lively
souls to converse with. My meetings are more satis-
factory to myself than in any place I ever yet was in; and
I still feel it suited to me, as a soil in which my soul
grows in.
Thirdly. It suits my temporal affairs, this house
being cheap; and several other circumstances also are
advantageous.
Fourthly. I never found any other part agree as well
with my health as this has done. From a child I could
never live in London, nor in any close place; and here
I have had better health than ever before :-Only at this
* At the last Conference which Mr. Fletcher attended, viz. at Leeds,
August, 1784, (about a year before his death,) I had the privilege of sitting
About the middle of the Conference he rose, and address-
very near him.
ed Mr. Wesley respecting his Parish. He said, I fear my successor will
not be interested in the work of God, and my flock may suffer. I have done
what I could. I have built a Chapel in Madely Wood, and I hope, Sir, you
will continue to supply it, and that Madely may still be part of the Circuit.
If you please, I should be glad to be put down in the Minutes as a Super-
numerary! Mr. Wesley could hardly bear this, and the Preachers were
melted into tears. Turning to them, Mr. Fletcher expressed his hope that
they would feed his sheep, and nourish them with the same truths which
they had been used to hear. How wonderfully did the Lord provide for
them when he was pleased to remove their angelic Pastor! "My dear,"
said he to Mrs. Fletcher, "When you marry me, you must marry my
Parish." She did so; and as the new Vicar did not reside, and as he had
a great respect for Mrs. Fletcher, she was allowed to recommend the
Curate, whom the Vicar invariably appointed, according to that recom-
mendation. The work of God has thus continued, and proceeded, for
thirty years in peace. May it never be interrupted! Ed.
PART III.]
205
MRS. FLETCHER.
season, I find the waves of sorrow have thrown me some
paces nearer my eternal home. Truly also, that part of
my dream, (the sound of death,) hath been accomplished
in all its pomp
!
Would any know the king of terrors? Let them look
on the corpse of a beloved husband, or tender friend,
and there discern the consequences of sin !—For a be-
liever to look at death, as seizing on himself, has compa-
ratively no terror! In the midst of the most pleasant
scene my life had ever exhibited, I sometimes said, “I
think, my love, I am selfish: it seems as if I should not
fear to die and leave thee! I am deeply sensible, how-
ever, of all the pain thou wouldst feel.--Yet it seems as
if we should not be divided even by death.'
But now
the scene is turned! It is my eyes which must for ever
have before them that tremendous night. Oh! what do
I feel! Thy will, O Lord! be done!
""
From this time I have been more and more convinced,
my inheritance is appointed of the Lord, and that this is
the spot I am to fix on, at least for the present; and I
rather believe I shall change no more,-but that where
he died, I shall die also. During this heavy night of sor-
row, (attended with such aggravating circumstances as it
is not needful to explain,) I have also seen an amazing
mixture of the tender care and fatherly protection of my
God. He withholds his rough wind in the day of his east
wind; and will lay no more on his poor creatures than his
power and goodness will enable them to bear. I know
assuredly, that my bereavement has wrought for the good
of my soul. I am, notwithstanding my inward trials, and
deep sensibility of my loss, truly enabled to praise God
even for the severity of the stroke. Yes, I love His
will! I love His cross! I am, I will be devoted to His
glory! And if that can be promoted by my keen anguish,
I will delight in suffering all His wisdom shall appoint!
I see also the goodness of the Lord in our bringing
Sally Lawrence with us here. The day we were mar-
18
206
[PART IV.
THE LIFE OF
ried, as soon as we returned from the church, and went
up stairs to ask a blessing on our union, she came into
the room, and falling on her knees before my dear hus-
band, she entreated him not to part her from her dear
mistress, who had brought her up. He told her he ne-
ver would: and now she is made to me a great comfort,
having all the usefulness of a housekeeper, added to the
affection of the tenderest child.
The Lord has also answered my dear husband's pray-
ers with regard to the work of the Lord, beyond all ex-
pectation. When he repeatedly expressed his desire.
that I should stay here, I replied, O how can I bear the
place without thee? How can I bear to stay and see
perhaps a carnal ministry? He answered, "Thou dost
not know what God may do.-Perhaps there may never
be a carnal ministry here." And so it proved. The
Rev. Mr. Gilpin and his wife, being on the spot, were at
that season kind and tender friends to me, and Mr. Kener-
son desired him to supply the church, till he should re-
turn to his own living,-which was not for some months.
The Lord then provided for us a precious young man,
Mr. Melville Horne, who had travelled some time in con-
nexion with Mr. Wesley; and concerning whom my dear
Mr. Fletcher had (before his illness) expressed a desire
that he might be his successor. We have also the Me-
thodist Preachers, and their labours are blessed. Bro-
therly love takes root and flourishes among us. The
work goes on well; fresh converts are continually brought
in, and several have with flowing eyes declared, that the
words they once slighted, now seem to rise in judgment
against them. They bow to the truth, and are constrained
to acknowledge, concerning their deceased Pastor, He
being dead, yet speaketh.
The Lord hath also looked on my temporal affairs, be-
yond what I could have expected. I observed, soon after
my marriage, that all was now made quite easy. I look-
ed on the promise as already fulfilled, having in Layton
PART IV.]
207
MRS. FLETCHER.
a good deal more than would pay all. Some hundreds
were however still on interest, though we had lessened
the sum, while my dear and I were together. But soon
after he was taken from me, I received a letter from a
person of whom I had borrowed some years before a
hundred and fifty pounds, that he wanted it directly ;-
and I had at this season a good deal to pay on other ac-
counts. As I wished to be free, for the remainder of my
short days, from unnecessary care, I had a desire that the
estate at Layton-stone should be sold, and the demands all
settled at once. I found however that could not be done
without loss, and therefore proposed to pay yearly all
I could out of my income, which was now increased by
the tender care of my dear husband. But my youngest
brother, William Bosanquet, whom I had not seen for
some years, came down on a visit to me. He expressed
the greatest sympathy and tenderness towards me in this
time of trial; and after staying with me some days, gene-
rously supplied me with all the cash I then needed. Some
months after, an uncle dying without leaving me any
thing, (and indeed I did not think I had any right to ex-
pect it,) my brothers wrote me word, that they were
sorry I was not remembered in the will;-And my
youngest brother desired me to accept of five hundred
pounds, (or more if I wanted it) to settle all my affairs.
Here was the exact fulfilment of Mrs. Clapham's impres-
sion concerning us! [see Page, 161.] This very bro-
ther whom she then saw, (though at that time there was
not the least reason to think of any such thing,) did after-
ward, as it was represented to her, bring me many smaller
sums, and at last one so large as to remove all burdens
at once from my shoulders! And on January, 1787, I
wrote in my diary, I now owe no man any thing but love :
my income is quite clear, and I have, according to the
promise, Great plenty of silver!
END OF THE FOURTH PART,
PART THE FIFTH.
Her settlement at Madely, and thoughts on communion
with happy spirits.
Y
December 15, 1785.
My soul is exceeding sorrowful. I feel the loss of
my dearest husband in a manner I cannot express. Four
months are now elapsed since I sustained that dreadful
scene, yet it seems as if it was but yesterday. Nothing
can comfort me but the blessing promised in those words,
"I and my Father will come and make our abode with
you." Nothing short of that baptism of the Holy Ghost
can heal and satisfy my wounded soul. But I will
endeavour to recollect the blessings which attend even
my melancholy situation, and strive by steps of thank-
fulness to raise my heart from gratitude to exulting
praise.
First, I have the comfort of knowing my dear love
is in glory. He hath proved the victory,-his "last
enemy is destroyed!" Death shall no more threaten him
with the cold grave;—It is conquered for ever, and shall
be "swallowed up in victory."
Secondly, I had the consolation of being with him to
the last moment, and hearing him so long as he could
speak, express how comfortable he was both inward and
outward; praising God often for the comfortable attend-
ance he had in the needful hour, and many times saying
"I am most sweetly filled, but I do not seem for
much speaking; I am drawn inward.”
to me,
Thirdly, I rejoice that he told me, "God would open
all my way before me ;"-and with his last blessing gave
me to the Lord, saying, "Head of the church, be head
to my wife!"
PART V.]
209
MRS. FLETCHER.
Fourthly, He feels no more from the fear of losing
me. Perhaps he is nearer to me than ever! Perhaps
he sees me continually, and under God guards and keeps
me. Perhaps he knows my very thoughts. The above
reflections, though under a perhaps, give me some help ;
but could they be confirmed by reason, and above all by
Scripture, they would yield me much consolation. I will
try if I can find this solid ground for them.
It appears to me noway contrary to reason to believe
that the happy departed spirits see and know all they
would wish, and are divinely permitted to know. In
this Mr. Wesley is of the same mind; (from whose
writings I shall borrow some of my ideas,) and that they
are concerned for the dear fellow-pilgrims whom they
have left behind. I cannot but believe they are; and
though death is the boundary we cannot see through, they
who have passed the gulf may probably see us. Some
small insects can see but a little way; an apple would
appear to them a mountain, but we can see a thousand
of them at once, crawling on what we call a small spot
of earth. When an infant is born into this world, how
many senses, till then locked up, are on a sudden brought
into action, and could the child reflect, a variety of new
ideas would be awakened by which it would discern such
a capacity of becoming useful and comfortable to its
mother, as it never before had any conception of! It
could have no communion with her but by one sense, that
of feeling; but now it is enabled both to see, hear, and to
make itself heard by her. There was an apparent
separation from the mother; but in reality, it has gained
a more valuable possession, which every day increases
its ability of entering into her thoughts, and bearing a
part in all her feelings. And may we not suppose if the
use of sight and hearing, as well as the powers of under-
standing, are so improved by our birth into this lower
world, that some powers analogous to the above are, at
least, equally opened on the entrance of a spirit into a
18 *
210
[PART V.
THE LIFE OF
heavenly state; though perhaps small in the beginning,
like the infant compared with the measure that is to
follow ?
Nor doth it seem contrary to reason to suppose a spirit
in glory can turn its eye with as much ease, and look on
any object below, as a mother can look through a window
and see the actions of her children in a court underneath
it. If bodies have a language by which they can convey
their thoughts to each other, though sometimes at a dis-
tance, have spirits no language, think you, by which they
can converse with our spirits, and by impressions on the
mind, speak to us as easily as before they did by the
tongue? And what can interrupt either the presence,
communion, or sight of a spirit?
"Walls within walls no more its passage bar,
Than unopposing space of liquid air."
But may not our reasonable ideas be much strength-
ened by Scripture? Some encouragement on this head
I have lately drawn from the account of Elijah and Elisha,
(though I do not offer this as a proof, but rather as an
illustration,) for as Elijah was to enter glory without
passing through death, it is probable he was favoured
before with a more than common intercourse and com-
munion with the world of spirits, as we see in the works
of Providence there is a gradual ascent; and I the rather
believe this from some passages in his story. Near the
time of his translation, it was revealed to the sons of the
prophets, who said to Elisha, Knowest thou that thy
master shall be taken from thy head to-day? But to
Elijah himself perhaps it was revealed long before, and
it seems to me, he referred to this when he was in the
desert of Arabia, under the Juniper-tree, 1 Kings, chap.
xix.-where he requested for himself that he might die,
saying (to this effect) "It is enough, Lord, I am not
better than my fathers." The prophets before me have
sealed thy truth with their blood, and why should I be
exempt from the common lot of man? I had rather die
and come to Thee now? Why should I live any longer?
PART V.]
211
MRS. FLETCHER.
"
Thou hast enabled me to maintain thy cause against the
worshippers of Baal; yet my word hath little weight
with them. "They have slain thy prophets, and I only
am left, and they seek my life to take it away.' Let
them have it, for it is far better for me to depart and to
be with thee. However, quite resigned to the will of
God, he lays him down to sleep, till awaked by an angel
of the Lord, who bids him arise, and take the refresh-
ment a watchful Providence had provided for him. Here
we have no account of any alarming fear. He doth not,
like Daniel, fall down as one dead, nor like Zachariah
and the shepherds, become sore afraid; but after a
moderate repast, he lies down to sleep again, and then
receives a second visit from his bright messenger, for
aught we see, with the same steady calmness as before.
From which, I am led to suppose, he was accustomed to
such communications.
When his faith had gathered strength by his miraculous
preservation, forty days and nights without food, full of
holy expectation he arrives at Horeb, waiting a further
manifestation of the glory of God, as Moses, the giver
of the law, had done in this very place before him.-Nor
can we suppose this illustrious restorer of the law could ✓
be totally forgetful of that prayer, "Lord, I beseech.
thee, show me thy glory!" The place would remind him
of the great discoveries made there. What intercourse
he might have with the spirit of Moses we know not, but
it is certain they knew each other some time after on
Mount Tabor. Waiting thus, like his great predecessor,
for a time, the glory of the Lord was displayed before
him, and the question put, "What dost thou here,
Elijah ?"-In his answer to which, he seems to intimate
have nothing to do here. Israel has departed from thy
ways, and why should I abide on earth any longer. Let
me now come up. As a pledge his prayer is heard, he
is commanded to anoint Elisha to remain a prophet in his
room. And when the appointed time was come, walking
with Elisha, he seems desirous of being alone, (perhaps
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[PART V.
THE LIFE OF
the powers of darkness now made their last assault,
endeavouring to shake his faith with regard to the great
event just ready to take place,) and bids his friend again
and again to tarry behind. But Elisha, unwilling to lose
any part of his blessing, answers, "As the Lord liveth,
and as thy soul liveth, I will not leave thee." He then
asks him, What shall I do for thee before I am taken
away? Elisha answers, "Let a double portion of thy
"Thou
spirit be upon me." To which Elijah replies,
hast asked a hard thing." Now if a double portion of
holiness was all Elisha meant, it was an odd answer, for
we know there are no limits to that petition. We may
ask as much of the nature of God as we please, and he
will do "exceeding abundantly above all we can ask or
think." And no doubt Elijah knew enough of the mind
of God to know that. But might he not mean, let me
have the two portions of thy spirit, not only thy com-
munion with God, but let my intellectual sight be opened
as thine.
Let me also discern the heavenly company
wherewith we are surrounded, and commune with "the
spirits of just men made perfect," though as yet I only
by faith behold the Gospel day?
This therefore did seem a hard thing, for as Elisha was
to die like other men, the prophet might not know
whether this favour was to be granted to him or not;
and therefore, as referring to the thing itself, he says,
(as it were)" If thou seest me when I am taken from
thee," when the spiritual change hath passed upon me,
then it shall be so, and then thy inward sight will be
opened. But if I become invisible to thee, as to the
sons of the prophets who stand afar off to gaze, it shall
not be so. It is not the will of God concerning thee.
But the "effectual fervent prayer of the righteous man
availed." Elisha saw both him and his heavenly convoy,
while the sons of the prophets saw neither, and there-
fore went on to the mountains to seek Elijah. And that
this supernatural sight remained with Elisha, we have
reason to believe, for being in Dothan, and surrounded
PART v.]
213
MRS. FLETCHER.
•
with a great host come to take away his life, his servant
said to him, "Alas, master! what shall we do?" The
prophet at once answers, "They are more that be with
us, than they that be with them ;" and adds, "Lord,
open the young man's eyes, that he may see!" And
"the Lord opened the young man's eyes, and he saw,
and behold the mountain was full of chariots and horses
of fire round about Elisha." It is remarkable this spirit
which rested on Elisha was more conspicuous than that
which rested on Elijah,-perhaps to prevent the thought,
though the man who was to enter heaven alive, was thus
favoured, no other must expect it.-Nay, but God, who
delights to confer his greatest favours on the weakest
objects, can confer on us all, that which he bestowed on
Elijah and Elisha. And, if under that dark dispensation,
why not in this Gospel day, concerning which it is fore-
told, "Your sons and your daughters shall prophesy,
your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall
dream dreams ?"
The Apostle tells us, "We are not come to mount
Sinai," where Israel both saw the power, and heard the
voice of God; but to mount Zion, where we have com-
munion "with the general assembly of angels, the
church of the first-born, the spirits of just men made
perfect, with Jesus the Mediator of the new covenant;"
yea, and have access "to God, the Judge of all." And
were we better acquainted with the privileges of our
dispensation, we should become in a more full manner
inheritors "with the saints in light." But though it is
allowed we may have communion with angels, various are
the objections raised against the belief of our communion
with that other part of the heavenly family, the disem-
bodied spirits of the just.
I shall consider these objections one by one. Lord,
help me in so doing! Let me at least strive to compre-
hend something of “the length, and breadth, and depth,
and heighth of the great victory obtained for us over
214
[PART V.
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death;" give me to see a little into that truth, "We are
brought from mount Sinai to mount Zion.
Objection the first. If a good spirit loves those which
it loved before, and is acquainted with all their proceed-
ings, will not the sins and miseries of those they thus
know and love, render them unhappy, or at least mar
their happiness in some degree? I answer, there are
two kinds of love.--If the persons they loved continue
sinners, there will doubtless be a separation of spirit, yet
I believe a remembrance and a pity will continue. It is
said of the Almighty, that " it repented the Lord he had
made man,” and that " it grieved him at the heart;” and
again, that "He was grieved with their manners in the
wilderness forty years."
Nevertheless his own immuta-
ble happiness was not interrupted thereby. Now as the
saints yet on earth are made partakers of the divine
nature, and much more "the spirits of just men made.
perfect," so I should imagine their happiness would, in
that respect, remain as immutable as that of the holy
angels did, when so many of their once dear companions-
they now daily behold as devils. I cannot let it into my
thoughts that ignorance makes up any part of celestial
glory, or that forgetfulness can be entered into by their
nearer approach to Him, "before whom all things are
open and manifest:" and "in whom is no darkness
at all."
:
But if an entire alienation of affection from the wicked
should be needful, that is no proof it is the same with
the righteous; for if the sins of obstinate sinners would
afflict them, the growth of grace in the righteous would
augment their joy and our Lord himself tells us, "there
is joy in heaven over one sinner that repenteth." If
you say, but this joy is only among the angels; I answer,
Can we suppose those faithful attendants on the heirs of
salvation so carefully to conceal this joy within their own
bosoms, as to exclude the heavenly spirits who stand in a
much nearer relation to us? Can we believe they have
PART V.]
215
MRS. FLETCHER.
not all their joys in common? No, no; in the church
of Jerusalem they proved that " great grace was upon
them all," by their community of goods. And shall our
narrow hearts let in the thought that they have not all
their joys in common in the church above? Yea, verily,
"the general assembly of angels, the church of the first-
born," and "the spirits of just men made perfect," are
but one innumerable company, concerning whom it may
well be said,
66
"Lift your eyes of faith, and see,
Saints and angels join'd in one!
What a countless company,
Stands before yon dazzling throne !"
If then there is joy throughout all the realms above,
yea more joy over one sinner that repenteth, than over
the ninety and nine which went not astray!" how evident
it is to an impartial eye, that the state both of the one and
the other must be known there, together with the pro-
gress of each individual.
Objection the second. Is not a spirit divested of the
body, become of a quite different nature from what it
was before, so as to be incapable of the same feelings?
I answer, Certainly no, the spirit is the man.
The spirit
of my dear husband loved and cared for me, and longed
above every other desire for my spiritual advancement.
Now if it were the body, why doth it not love me still?
You answer, Because it is dead. That is to say, the
spirit is gone from it; therefore, that which loved me is
gone from it. And what is that but the spirit, which
actuated the body, as the clockwork does the hand which
tells the hour? It therefore appears quite clear to me,
that every right affection, sentiment, and feeling of mind,
we have been exercised in here, will remain in the spirit
just the same immediately after death. Nevertheless, as
with the righteous heavenly light and love will daily grow
stronger, and with the wicked will be an increasing dark-
ness, so there may be, perhaps, in a few days, a much
greater change on the newly glorified spirit, than in the
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[PART V.
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The point
*
understanding of a child in seven years.
therefore to be considered is, Will not a continuance and
growth in the heavenly state, erase those affections and
ideas so strongly impressed on the spirit at its first
entrance therein? To which I reply, as spiritual union
arises from a communication of the love which flows
from the heart of Christ, I cannot but believe a nearer
approach to its centre, and a fuller measure of that divine
principle, must increase and not diminish the union
between kindred souls; and that their change will consist,
not in the loss, but in the improvement of all that is
good.
Whatever agrees with the nature of heaven, cannot be
destroyed, but increased, by their abode therein. Now
are not love and gratitude natives of heaven, which dwell
for ever there? If in our present state an abundance of
grace is poured out on the soul, what is the effect? Doth
it make us forgetful of kindnesses received? Doth it not
rather raise the soul to such a pitch of gratitude, that it
is ready to see favours where really there are none?
And shall not the same love, when perfected in heaven,
have the same effect in a more perfect degree? The
mistake lies here; we forget that Christian love and
union below are the same in kind, though not in degree,
with those above; and we might as well suppose when
we enter into the realms of light, that we shall plunge
into darkness for want of the natural sun, as to suppose
Christian love and union must be destroyed by an abode
in that kingdom, where the very element we breathe
shall be eternal love. Doubtless we shall know, and
gratefully acknowledge, the ministering spirits who have
served us here, and he sensible that gratitude is immortal,
and does not change its sentiments with its place. I think
all this is clear from those words of our Lord, "Make to
yourselves friends of the mammon of unrighteousness,
that when ye fail on earth, they" (viz. those whom you
have helped,) "may receive you into everlasting habi-
tations."
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MRS. FLETCHER.
Objection the third. But are they not so taken up
with admiring Jesus, as to lose every other affection in
him? I answer, That love of Jesus which fills the
soul with the admiration of his graces, is a love begotten
by that which reigns in the heart of Christ himself; con-
sequently, it is of the same nature. But is the love of
Jesus a barren and inactive love? Did it produce in our
Lord such an enjoyment of his own pure nature,—or
such a shutting up in the glories and delights of the
Trinity, as to render him forgetful of his creatures? Or
did it bring him down to "die for his enemies, and
receive gifts for the rebellious?" When a powerful
effusion of grace is poured out on our souls, are we not
then most willing and ready to help our neighbour, and
to cry out with that good woman, Jane Muncy, " Methinks
I am all spirit! I have no rest day or night but in gather-
ing souls to God." Surely then we may with safety be-
lieve, that a holy unembodied spirit feels the same effect
from a fuller effusion of the same love, and that as soon
as he hears that word, "I will give thee many things to
be faithful over," he immediately enters more fully than
ever into the joy of his Lord, which is the joy of doing
his creatures good.
Objection the fourth. But though it may be allowed
that the angels are ministering spirits to the saints, in
honour of their Lord who hath taken our nature upon
him, we do not know but the spirits of just men made
perfect, being of a higher order by their near relation
to their Head, may be exempt from that servitude. I
answer,-To this objection may not those words of our
Lord be applied, "Ye know not what manner of spirit
ye are of? He that will be greatest, let him be servant,"
saith Jesus Christ, who came himself "not to be minis-
tered unto, but to minister; and if our Lord washed our
feet," shall we be above the same employment? Jesus
our master, though in his glorified state, calls himself the
"Shepherd of his sheep," and walks with jealous care
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amidst his “candlesticks of gold, holding the stars in his
right-hand;" and I can no more believe the divinest
spirit in glory above the service of mankind, than I can
believe there is pride in heaven.
Abraham is repre-
sented as receiving Lazarus to his bosom, and as giving a
mild answer even to a damned spirit! And when souls
at the foot of the altar cried How long? They were
told "to wait till their fellow-servants came also.” Did
they not then remember their fellow-servants? When
the heart is full of grace, it delights in the meanest office,
and feels pleasure in yielding happiness even to an
insect. We are sensible no part of our worship is more
pleasant in the sight of God than obedience, and no em-
ployment more delightful to the saints than that of pro-
moting the glory of God. Now the Lord hath said of
his creatures," I have created thee for my glory; I have
formed thee for my praise!" Shall not then the blessed
spirits be very zealous in promoting that glory? The
glory of God and our interest are inseparably one. And
are they not “one spirit with the Lord ?" And is not
their highest delight in that in which he most delights,
which is the salvation of his people? So that an exemp-
tion from serving the church would rather create pain
than give satisfaction.
Again, the highest honour that can be conferred on a
creature, is to have the nearest resemblance to its creat-
ing Head. Now he hath said to the believer, “I will
dwell in you,-I will come and make my abode with
you." The soul who hath felt a small degree of pure
love, can answer this objection at once from the feelings
of his own heart. The language of which is, I love him
continually, and therefore I will feed his lambs.
Objection the fifth. But as Paradise is a place, as well
as a state, and finite beings are not omnipresent, any
more than omnipotent, how can they be there and here
in the same moment? I answer,-I do not suppose they
can. But if I were to tell you of a minister who daily
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MRS. FLETCHER.
visited his flock, inquired into all their concerns, and
knew their whole situation, would you say it was impos
sible, because he lives in that house, which is his home,
and he cannot be in two places at the same time? And
yet it is certain we are perfectly acquainted with the
situation of many, who do not live with us in the same
house. If we see them but once a week, our shallow
capacities can take in all they tell us of their past and
present state. But if instead of waiting for the slow and
imperfect conveyance of words, we could by a cast of the
eye read every thought in a moment, and without labour
visit them as easily as the sun shines in at their windows,
(though it still remains in its proper place,) our acquaint-
ance would be much more perfect. We are now in the
body, and have senses and faculties suited thereto;
therefore our human eye can at once measure the body
of our child, and discern every wound or bruise, or even
a speck of dirt thereon. And have not spirits faculties.
suited to spirits, by which we may suppose they can as
easily discern your soul, as you could discern their body
when they were in the same state as yourself? And
may there not be a way by which a spirit actually before
the throne of God, may still see and serve the souls
committed to its care, supposing them to act as minister-
ing spirits.
I ask, If you had never heard of a looking-glass, would
you understand me if I said, though you stand at one end
of that long gallery, and I at the other, with my back to-
wards you, I can discern your every action and motion,
and know every change? And yet such a knowledge the
looking-glass would convey to me. Now if all things on
earth are patterns or shadows of those above, may not
something analogous to the glass represent to the world
of spirits as just a picture of the changes of posture in
the spirit, as the glass does those of the body? Some
have supposed the appearance or representation of every
soul still in the body to be constantly seen in heaven.
That this may be without the knowledge of the person
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[PART V.
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concerned is evident; because Ananias knew nothing, till
God said to him (speaking of Saul,)—" Behold, he pray-
eth, and hath seen in a vision a man named Ananias com-
ing in, and putting his hand on him, that he might receive
his sight. Various dreams of pious persons, who have
thought they saw their appearances in paradise, over
which the heavenly company mourned or rejoiced,—as
well as the amazing instances of second sight, seem to
strengthen this opinion.
If this seem strange, let us consider how strange it
would appear to us, if we had never heard of letters, to
be informed there was a method among many nations, of
wrapping up their thoughts in a bit of paper, and by that
means conveying them hundreds of miles into the bosom
of their dearest friends! As little could you conceive of
the faculty of speech had you never known it; or the
commanding knowledge which the eye gives you over a
large space, and a number of persons in one moment,
had you been born blind. But though I mention these
similes, because some can only conceive of spiritual mat-
ters by gross ideas, I believe our union to be far more
close with the heavenly host than to need these repre-
sentations. What else doth those words of the apostle
mean, “We are come to the general assembly, to the
church of the first-born, and to the spirits of just men
made perfect ?" And if "He maketh his angels spirits,
and his ministers a flame of fire," cannot a spirit be with
me in a moment, as easily as a stroke from an electrical
machine can convey the fire for many miles in one mo-
ment, through thousands of bodies, if properly linked
together? That the devils are about us and know our
thoughts, is evident. A sinful thought is suggested; we
answer it by a Scripture. Immediately it is answered
again. And shall not departed happy spirits, who are so
much more of one nature with us, have the same power?
Mr. Wesley has a beautiful observation in his sermon on
those words," Are they not all ministering spirits sent
forth to minister for them who shall be heirs of salvation ?"
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MRS. FLETCHER.
He says "That the guardian angels know our thoughts,
seems clear from the nature of their charge, which is
certainly first for the soul, and but in a secondary sense
for the body." And are not our kindred spirits more
nearly related to us than the angels? Why then should
they not have the same discernment?
But to return to our first question. Can they be here
and in paradise at the same time? Otherwise, how can
they constantly minister to us? Perhaps we shall not be
able to comprehend this till that word is accomplished,
--"Then shall we know even as also we are known."
But if this cannot be, then we must give up all the
agency of angels, for the same argument will hold good
against that. And yet our Lord hath said, "Despise
not these little ones, for I say unto you, in heaven their
angels do always behold the face of my Father who is in
heaven."
Objection the sixth. But is it not said of the dead,
They are gone into the land where all things are for-
gotten?" And is it not the design of the Almighty that
our union should cease with our life, and that death
should divide us? As to the first part of the objection,
I allow there is in Psalm 88th an expression which
implies forgetfulness; but I think it is spoken of the body,
which will remain in this state of forgetfulness, till re-
animated by the spirit. But what has that to do with
the soul? We hear of the souls at the foot of the altar,
who cried, "How long, O Lord, till thou judge and
avenge our blood on those who dwell on the earth ?”.
And they were told "to rest till their brethren and fel-
low-servants should be slain as they were." Here was
a remembrance both of friends and enemies, as also
of the manner of their own death. Again, "the four
living creatures, and the twenty-four elders" in their
song of praise, have these words, "Thou art worthy,
for thou wast slain, and hast redeemed us to God by thy
blood, out of every kindred, and tongue, and people, and
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222
[PART V.
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•
nation." They are also emblematically represented as
having "phials full of incense in their hand, which are
the prayers of the saints:" wherewith surely their
desires (and consequently remembrance) are joined.
Abraham is called the father of the faithful, because of
his steadfast belief of the promise concerning Isaac, and
is set forth as an example to us. Can we believe him
to have forgotten that whole event? Certainly the angel
who called to Abraham, and said, "Lay not thy hand on
the lad," remembers it; for we cannot suppose him to
have passed through any change of nature since that
time.
If you say it was the Angel of the covenant, yet
doubtless many of the heavenly host were witnesses to
that great and typical transaction: and must all the wis-
dom of God manifested by the church, as the apostle
observes, and "made known thereby to the principali-
ties and powers in heaven,"-must, I say, all the pro-
phecies, types, and revelations, as well as their accom-
plishment, remain for ever the subject of admiration and
praise among the angels, and yet "the spirits of just men
made perfect," the subjects for whom, and on whom, all
was fulfilled,-must they only be locked up in forgetful-
ness? Are they, with ignorant amazement, to hear
Gabriel repeat his conversation with Zechariah? Or
does he in vain endeavour to stir up in Mary a remem-
brance of the salutation she received from the same
bright messenger? Shall Moses and Elias only remem-
ber the scene on Mount Tabor, while Peter, James, and
John remember neither it nor them? If you say, doubt-
less every scene relating to the Saviour will be remem
bered, but we shall not remember or know one another.
I answer, the one cannot subsist without the other. If
Abraham remembers the type in Isaac, with the exercise
of his faith when he hoped against hope," he must
remember Sarah, the removal of Hagar, with every re-
markable circumstance of Isaac's birth. Will it not then
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MRS. FLETCHER.
be a great lessening of his praise and triumph, if he can-
not know whether Isaac and Sarah are with him in glory?
If you carry it a little further, and say, doubtless he
knows they are there-then for what cause can he be
forbid knowing and conversing with them ?-Or is this
privilege only granted to Moses and Elias, who I again
say, doubtless knew each other on the holy mount as
well as the disciples knew them.
Can we suppose Adam to have a just conception of the
incarnation and death of the Messiah, and yet to forget
the circumstances of his own fall, which occasioned this
gracious union? Must he not then remember Eve, and
eternally rejoice to see how the seed of the woman has
indeed bruised the serpent's head! The account of the
rich man and Lazarus alone is sufficient to answer every
objection. They could see and know each other, though
one was in heaven and the other in hell, consequently
each could see all on earth. Abraham knew the state
and situation of both, so as to say, Thou hast had thy good
things, and Lazarus his evil things. And the rich man
could remember his five brethren. If you object, and say
this was a parable, (which there is no room to assert,)
would our adorable Lord put forth a parable full of de-
ceptions and wrong ideas, suited to lead us into error
rather than truth? I do not wonder a poor heathen
should dream of a river of forgetfulness, by drinking of
which all former scenes were to be lost in oblivion. But
for a soul enlightened by revelation, to forget that a day
is coming in which every secret thing shall be made known,
is, indeed, a melancholy proof that darkness hath covered
the earth, and gross darkness the people.
The second part of the objection we will now consider.
Some have alleged, that though it is certain we shall re-
member and know one another, because without that re-
membrance many subjects of praise would be lost in obli-
vion, nevertheless will not all particular unions cease,
and is it not the design of God that death should divide?
To answer this objection, I must premise, that what is of
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God shall stand. I plead only for that union which has
God for its source; and I think it will not be hard to
prove, that what God hath joined together, death cannot
put asunder. To that question therefore-Is it not the
design of God that death should divide us? I answer,
division comes not from God, but from the devil. God,
both in his nature and works, is perfect unity: and his
original design for our first parents was not sorrow, con-
sequently not separation. If we suppose their friendship
was not to have been immortal, we must suppose pain to
be in Paradise; for Adam could not without pain inform
Eve of such an awful secret, that when they had praised
God together for a certain time, they must eternally for-
get each other! That he should no longer remember he
was formed out of the dust, nor Eve her miraculous and
near relation to him! Would not this information have
been a bitter draught even in Paradise? Or suppose he
had said, though we shall have a bare remembrance of
each transaction, nevertheless that close union, that
endearing oneness of soul, of which the love of God is
the foundation,—that very union hereafter the love of
God is to dissolve. This would indeed have been in it-
self exceeding bitter, and therefore never was the origi-
nal design of love. It was sin that brought in separation.
It was owing to the hardness of our heart, for in the be-
ginning it was not so; for God created one man and one
woman. Well may we, therefore, mourn for the sepa-
tion death occasions; and our sorrow is countenanced by
Jesus himself, who wept over the ravage of this dreadful
enemy, when he saw the consequences of it in Martha's
and Mary's tears. I allow that it is true most unions on
earth are dissolved by death, because the friendships of
the world are oft confederates of vice, or leagues of plea-
sure; and few can add,
"Ours hath severest virtue for its basis,
And such a friendship ends not but with life."
The Christian can say more; it ends not even with
life. In the church below, we are commanded to love
PART V.]
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MRS. FLETCHER.
our neighbour as ourselves, and to consider our fellow-
Christians as members of one body; but does this obliga-
tion prevent particular unions? Let that soul be the
judge who hath felt most of the love of God and his neigh-
bour. For otherwise there is, indeed, a love of pro-
priety, or, in other words, self-love reflected, which pu-
rity of heart will remove. But as similitude joins, and
dissimilitude separates, so those spirits who are joined by
their similitude of love and pure worship, who having
been led in one path, (and probably prepared for one
mansion,) can as easily retain a peculiar union without
any diminution of their love to others, as a married cou-
ple can retain their love to each other, notwithstanding
they have a dozen children to share it with them. My
experience in the love of God is very shallow, yet I have
felt enough to satisfy me, that the more our love to God
increases, the nearer will be our love to each other,
and the more indissoluble the tie: and the stronger this
union, the more it will reflect on all around; and turning
to its source, the love of Jesus will reflect back again
with a perpetual increasing purity.
But I build my strongest argument on those words-
O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?
If death can eternally separate kindred spirits, it hath
eternally a sting! And if the grave can eternally retain
the body, it would have an eternal victory. But there
is a covenant made with our dust. His elect shall be ga-
thered from the four winds. Bone shall come to its bone,
and not one forget its socket. And shall nothing be lost
but our spiritual union? Shall the grand enemy still have
that one trophy left to glory in, and to insult over the
saints of God? Shall we believe him when he says, "A
day is coming in which your closest unions, your purest
ties of friendship, shall be no more! All that wonderful
chain of providences, in which angels were employed in
bringing you together, shall be sunk in eternal oblivion !
Indeed, this was not the original design of the Almighty,
but I have overturned this one great design of love, and
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that so effectually, that the Saviour himself could not re-
store it; and instead of having abolished all the conse-
quences of death, it leaves the scar of separation for
ever! Now I am the father of death, and have so far
conquered, that what God hath in design eternally joined
together, I have eternally put asunder!"—Ah no, glory
be to our victorious Conqueror. Death shall be for ever
swallowed up in complete victory! He hath abolished it with
all its consequences, and brought life and immortality to
light by the Gospel.-He hath broken down the wall, re-
moved the vail: and through him we are come to the
church of the first-born, to the spirits of just men made
perfect. We are fellow-citizens with the saints, and of the
household of God! And having overcome the sharpness
of death, he hath already opened the kingdom of heaven
to all believers. Perhaps some may say, but if it be
thus, why do not the Scriptures plainly tell us, death is
no division but on our side; and that our friends still see,
hear, and are about us? I answer,-There may be
many reasons why a vail should be drawn over this hea-
venly secret. It is probable the primitive church knew
it more perfectly; but what was the consequence ?
When they left their first love, they no longer held the
head, but ran into the false humility of the worship of
angels, instead of worshipping God only, and adoring Him
for the angelic ministry. Perhaps some communion with
departed spirits caused the first step into the egregious
errors of the Papists; and man, ever prone to extremes,
knew not how to throw away the abuse, without throw-
ing away the use of this heavenly secret. Nevertheless,
"the secret of the Lord is still with the righteous, and His
ear is open to their prayers. He will manifest himself to
them, though not unto the world:" and He will grant to
heavenly minds, when he sees good, a heavenly commu-
nication with the church triumphant.
About this time I had a letter from my brother-in-law,
De la Flechere, in Switzerland, letting me know that his
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MRS. FLETCHER.
son was coming to England, and he wished him to spend
some time with me; hoping the sight of the place on
which his dear uncle had spent so many years' labour,
might, with the blessing of God, raise some thoughts in
his mind of the importance of a religious life. I laid the
matter before the Lord, believing He would order all
right for ever since the removal of my beloved hus-
band, I have so experienced the effects of his last prayer,
"Head of the church, be Head to my wife," that I was
not permitted to doubt that all concerning me was under
the Lord's immediate direction. And though my state
was not for the present joyous, yet, through all, I in-
wardly believed the hairs of my head were numbered.
Some particular circumstances, however, caused me to
think it was the order of God I should go to Bristol, Bath,
and some other places, and that now was the time; for
after my return, it might be that the Lord had something
for me to do or to suffer here.
Since my marriage I had travelled a good deal with
my dear Mr. Fletcher, and in these journeys had often
suffered much through needless fears; the most predo-
minant passion of my soul by nature. And what, thought
I, should such a poor creature as me do with only Sally,
and under some disadvantages I had not then? But still
I believed it to be the call of God.
At the time I had appointed to set out, there was an
appearance of much snow, which caused my friends to
advise me to put off my journey a little longer; but as
this would have deranged some plans, I thought it better
to follow the course which I had fixed.-When all was
ready, and I was waiting for the carriage, I cast my eyes
on the Bible, which lay open before me, at the 34th
Psalm. Much of it was applied to my heart; in particu-
lar these words; O magnify the Lord with me, and let us
exalt His name together. I sought the Lord, and He heard
me, and delivered me from all my fears. Faith sprung up
in my heart! I said, it shall be fulfilled and from that
:
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hour, I have felt such a change, in regard to fear, as I
can give no one an idea of, unless they should have suf-
fered as I have done, from the same infirmity.
All the way as I went through various things, which
would once have been very painful, I could feel those
words my own, which, for so many years I had longed
after, viz. that " Resignation left me no room for fear.”
No, "The angel of the Lord encampeth round about
them that fear him, and delivereth them.”
Many providences I met with in my journey, and very
clearly did I see the hand of the Lord in various places
and things. While I was at Bristol, in the house of my
kind and affectionate friend, sister Johnson, I was agree-
ably surprised with the sight of Mr. H***, who had left
his native place, and was just come to settle at Bristol,
because he believed it most profitable for his soul. He
presented to me his wife, a serious woman, saying, My
dear, this is your mother also, for she is mine; and both
assured me of their determination to be entirely devoted
to God. As there was something singular in this affair, I
will mention the particulars. In the journey which I
took with sister Ryan to Clifton, for her health, when I
was about the age of twenty-seven, we lodged in a house
where the family were very ungodly. There was only
my sick friend, myself, and the nurse; and our whole
apartments consisted of two chambers. After we had
been there two or three days, we observed some things
which we did not like very well. One night there was a
strange noise below stairs, as of very rattling, wild com-
pany. It may be supposed, it did not well agree with
my sorrowful heart; for at that season I had nothing to
expect (humanly speaking) but to bury my dear friend
there, or carry her back in a coffin-only she had various
promises to the contrary, which sometimes I believed,
and sometimes doubted. On inquiring next morning,
they informed us that "Mr. H*** was come, and now
they should be all alive." I had before asked the family.
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MRS. FLETCHER.
(who did not appear to be persons of the best character,)
if they would choose to come up into my room in a morn-
ing to family prayer, as they were only women? But
they never, as I remember, accepted the invitation.
However, some days after the above-mentioned racket,
they sent me word, "If I pleased, Mr. H*** and them-
selves would wait on me to prayer the next morning." I
did not dare to refuse, and answered, they were welcome.
God only knew what a cross I felt in so doing! I had
all the reason that could be, to think they only wanted to
divert themselves; and the receiving a wild young gen-
tleman, with such gay ladies, into my bedchamber, seemed
to me a strange enterprise. The chapter I chose to read
was the 25th of Matthew. I spoke with freedom on each
of the parables, and found God was with my mouth. I did
not much look off the book, till about the middle of the
parable of the talents I cast my eyes towards Mr. H***,
and was surprised to find his earnestly fixed on me, and
swimming with tears. When prayer was over, he re-
spectfully returned me thanks, and went down stairs.
After attending three mornings, he stopped behind the
family, and told me, when they were gone, that he was
convinced he had led a bad life, and he wished to learn
how to do better. That he was free from all business,
had a good fortune, and was only here accidentally; and
if I would tell him where he could get instruction, and
help for his soul, he would go any where, for this house,
said he, "I must leave." From the first morning there
was no more noise, singing, breaking glasses, or rude be-
haviour of any kind. As my friend grew worse, we were
desired to leave Clifton, and try Bath. There she re-
covered to admiration; and in a short time we returned
to the orphan-house, at Layton-stone. Mr. H*** made
good his words; and cultivating the friendship of some
pious persons whom we had recommended to him in Lon-
don, particularly brother George Clark, he became much
confirmed in the truth; and hath ever since remained
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THE LIFE OF
a follower thereof, and a promoter of the prosperity of
Zion. At Bristol also I met with poor Fanny,* much
grown in grace, and adorning her profession.-And after
a month's absence, I was brought again in peace to
Madely, and constrained to say,
"In all my ways His hand I own,
His ruling providence I see."
I now found my dear love's relations in Switzerland
laid greatly on my mind in prayer; and sometimes when
engaged therein, it has seemed to me as if his dear spirit
so joined with me, as I cannot express: and for his ne-
phew in particular, whom I expected, I was greatly
drawn out in intercession.
Being poorly one Saturday night, about ten o'clock,
(the last week in May,) I was about retiring to bed, when
word was brought me that my nephew was arrived. He
could speak little English, and I but little French. This
was the first I had seen of my dear husband's relations.
He was of his own name, his godson, and his only ne-
phew. But, alas! I now received him alone, and instead
of showing him his dear uncle, and sweet instructer, I
"Live
could only lead him to the silent tomb, and say,
as he lived, and thou shalt die as he died.”
:
I found him as I expected, quite carnal, and very
averse to the things of God. As my spirits were very
weak, and his pretty high, I wished to have him rather as
a visiter, than one of my family and Providence so ap-
pointed for me. Mr. Horne, the curate, understanding
French, kindly offered to receive him into his house,
until he was more perfect in the English language. I soon
discovered he was of a sweet temper, a fine understand-
ing, and outwardly very moral, but withal a strong
Deist; and as he delighted much in philosophy, he placed
such confidence therein, as to believe he could set us all
right, if he might but have five hours dispute with us!
I inquired of the Lord concerning the method I should
use towards him; and saw for the present, I was only
* The Jewess mentioned in the former visit.
PART V.]
231
MRS. FLETCHER.
called to show him condescension and love-to consider
myself as his servant in Christ, and therefore to stand
always ready to take up my cross, and in every thing in-
nocent to do his will rather than my own. And as I
could not say much to him in words, I must the more en-
deavour to show him, by the example of myself and fami-
ly, that religion justly bears the character given her in
these words,
"Mild, sweet, serene, and tender is her mood,
Nor grave with sternness, nor with lightness free:
Against example resolutely good,
Fervent in zeal, and warm in charity."
It appeared to me as if those four lines were given me
as a direction which I must ever keep before my eyes.
And much did I plead with the Lord, that nothing he
saw in me, or mine, might tend to set him further off
from God. When we could converse in English with
tolerable ease, I perceived he had not only imbibed many
wrong sentiments, but had such a stock of pharisaical
righteousness, as I scarcely ever met with before.
One day, as he was talking in his free way, about the
truths of the Gospel, a friend said, "If your aunt hears
you talk at this rate, she will be much grieved." He
replied, "But I will not say these things to her; though
should my aunt talk much to me about religion, I fear I
shall not keep my temper: for my uncle drove many peo-
ple mad when he was abroad. I do believe there were
three hundred who were quite mad! They talked of
being filled with love, and kept praying and running to-
gether, not only while he was there, but since that time
also."
Hearing of this, I said, "Tell him I will promise to
keep my temper whether he does or not, for my love to
him has a better foundation than he can shake." In order
to improve in the English language, he proposed to read
to me some hours in a day; and I was to choose the
books. Mr. Wesley was so kind as to send him Batty's
232
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Evidences of the Christian Religion, which he read with
some pleasure: but as yet his heart remained untouched.
I was very conscious I had none of that wisdom which
in cases of this kind is often very useful; and where it is
joined with divine unction, does beautifully illustrate the
truths it endeavours to defend. But that word was re-
membered with pleasure, "I will choose the foolish
things of the world to confound the wisdom of the wise.
And again, "My strength shall be made perfect in weak-
ness."
Well, thought I, if I have no philosophical arguments
to bring, I will so much the more cry to the strong for
strength. I cannot do with the armour I have not proved;
but the stone of conviction, and the sling of faith is that
which I must depend on; and when these are directed
by the Spirit of God, nothing can stand against them.
Many of the Protestants in Switzerland are Deists;
they are nevertheless very strict in bringing the young
people to the communion; and they esteem it a reproach
to do otherwise. My nephew expressed a desire of
joining with us in that mean of grace, for having been
from home some years at the university, he had not yet
been brought to the table. Mr. Horne told him freely
his scruples in receiving him as a communicant-but
after much conversation, he perceived a degree of con-
viction, and a desire to know the truth, and consented to
admit him.
•
The first time he came to the table, as he was kneeling
beside me, and Mr. Horne was speaking those words,
"The blood of the Lord Jesus Christ which was shed
for thee”—I found such a power of prayer spring up in
my heart, it seemed as if I claimed a ray of the divinity
just then to penetrate his soul. He hath since told me,
he felt something very particular at that moment. My
greatest difficulty however lay here, he did not believe
the Scriptures. I was therefore cut off from drawing any
arguments from them, and could only hold to this, the
PART V.]
233
MRS. FLETCHER.
necessity of a change, in order to be capable of enjoy-
ing the Supreme Being.
new creature.
I observed to him, You believe heaven to be a state,
and a place of holiness, and the happiness there to be
separate from all sin ;-is there not then an absolute need
of having a disposition suited thereto ?-This he readily
allowed; but added,-" Then I will make myself this
The Supreme Being hath not left his
work imperfect. He hath given me powers sufficient, if
I do but use them; and if I am to do all by this grace of
God, as you say, then what has God to thank me for?"
I endeavoured to convince him of our utter helplessness,
except through that assistance which we draw from union
with God through the Saviour, without whom we cannot
do any thing. He replied, "Indeed, Aunt, that is not
my case. I do not know how it may be with others, but
for me,
I do assure you, there is no snare I cannot avoid,
nor any passion I cannot overcome.”
""
As he abhorred the doctrine of the fall, as much as
that of the divinity of our Lord, I did not speak often on
those heads. I sought rather to convince him he was
fallen, whether through Adam, or any other way, and
that he was a sinner and unfit for heaven: and narrowly
did I watch for every opportunity of pointing out any
disposition that would help to prove my argument, though
it was very difficult to bring him to a consciousness of
any.
At last I observed he had an abhorrence of the
sin of envy, and a sensibility of having felt it. I then,
on every proper occasion, enlarged on the happiness of
the blest, as consisting in love, the very contrary to
selfishness, which was the principle from whence envy
took its life; and therefore he must become a new crea-
ture to enter into that state. This he now began to see,
and sometimes to feel; but all my hopes appeared to be
overturned at once, by a circumstance which occurred.
-He had fixed his affections on a lady, from whom about
this time, he thought he received some encouragement.
20 *
1
234
[PART V.
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Elated with joy, he was carried out of himself! There
was nothing left for me to take hold of. He had no ear
to hear but on one subject.-I returned to a silent wait-
ing before the Lord.
-our
One night, about the beginning of November, I dreamed
I was in a church, standing by a communion table, on
which lay a large common prayer-book, open in the
service of matrimony. I observed it was all marked, as
my dear husband used to mark those books he much
approved. I beheld it with pleasure, for being near the
12th of November, I took it as a token that he remem-
bered with approbation the transaction of that day,
marriage. I was conscious of the presence of his dear
spirit, as sent to communicate something to me. As I
looked on the book, he signified to me the whole was
emblematic, though few entered into the spirituality of
it. Adding, “This is a great mystery: I speak concern-
ing Christ and the church." As I cast my eyes on that
word, "Who giveth this woman to this man?" he
pointed me to that text, "None cometh to the Son but
whom the Father draweth." As nothing was spoken in
words, it is difficult to describe the ideas which were
conveyed to my mind. A gleam of light seemed to
break forth in my soul, by which I discovered in how
full a sense the souls of the redeemed are given by the
Father to the Son, as his bride! I then thought on those
words, "The marriage of the Lamb is come, and his
wife hath made herself ready." In this acceptable mo-
ment, my nephew came to my mind. I said, with a
groan, O for our nephew! Immediately I saw a little.
bird fly round and round. I said, That is the emblem"
of my nephew's spirit. If it come to me and I take it
up, his soul will be given unto me. I had no sooner
spoke the word, but it came and alighted on the table
before me. I took it up, stroked it, and let it fly again.
A thought then struck my mind,-O, but he does not
believe the Scriptures! The bird came, and I took it up
the second time. As it flew again, I thought, O, but he
PART V.]
235
MRS. FLETCHER.
does not believe in the divinity of our Lord! Immediately
it returned, and I took it up a third time. I no more
saw it flying, but a beautiful large bird stood with great
solemnity before me, and I awoke,
As I was in prayer a little time after the above dream,
these words bore on my mind, "He setteth the solitary
in families, and maketh them households as a flock of
sheep." Also, " Thy sons shall come from far; and
thy daughters shall be nursed at thy side." It was on
the Monday night I had the dream here related; and on
the following Friday, my nephew received a flat denial
from the before-mentioned lady.-Here all his philosophy
and boasted reason failed. He was as one driven to des-
peration. The next night he told me all his heart, say-
ing, "O Aunt! if you could see into my breast, you
would see how troubled I am, for the pain I have caused
you. But now I see you are in the right.-No! we
cannot do without the help of God.-I thought I could
conquer every passion, but now I find they are taller and
bigger than me." After telling me how many trials and
disappointments he had met with in life, he added, "Do,
dear aunt, pray with me." I did so, he weeping all the
time with groans. When we rose from our knees, he
said, "Ah! I am in the wrong, I thought all religion
stood in the abhorrence of outward evil! but now I see
there is something more." I told him
I told him my dream; when
I came to that part of it relating to himself, he was much
moved, and said “O, Aunt, if it depend on me, it shall
be accomplished, indeed it shall.”
The next morning, he told me, that after we had
parted the last night, as he was striving to pray, he found
all his troubles gone, and felt for a few moments such a
tranquillity as he had never known before.-But his
trouble, as well as his reluctance to believe, returned
again, yet with this difference, he had now a con-
sciousness that he was wrong; and expressed a great
desire to know, and embrace the truth.
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[PART V.
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From some concurring circumstances, I believed it to
be the order of God to invite him to live with me the
remainder of the time he had to stay in England; but
remembering what a friend had said, “I cannot converse
with him any more; he tears open all the wounds of
unbelief;"-I said, "Lord, shall it be so with me?"
And was answered by the application of that word to my
mind, "I will not send you a warfare at your own
charges." And glory be to my adorable Lord, so it
proved; for all he could say served but to light up a
fresh candle in my soul! Every time I read the Scrip-
tures, a new lustre shone on every part, and the divine
evidence rose higher and higher in my heart. I could
now observe he heard with deep attention; and one
day he said to me, Aunt, it is not now that I will not
believe, but that I cannot; for when you read the chapter
night and morning, and tell your thoughts upon it, it
seems unanswerable. But then something comes-some
thoughts, I do not seek them, but they come and throw
me all back again."
t
Sometimes
His state was now very uncomfortable.
he was just ready to receive the Scriptures as truth:
then a variety of objections would start up in his mind,
and cause him to cry out, "How can these things be?"
If we cannot be saved without believing that Jesus is
God, why did he live and die in such obscurity? Would
not a merciful Being have rendered every thing quite
clear that he required his creatures to believe, upon
pain of their salvation ?* He added many arguments fre-
quently used by deists, such as-"How clearly doth the
whole creation prove a Supreme Creator! The day and
night, the sun and moon, and all creatures! We cannot
help believing they have a Maker. Why is not the
divinity of Jesus Christ made as easy to be believed as
* The God of infinite mercy, justice, and truth, has made all clear.
The Evidences of His Being are not stronger than the Evidences of the
Religion he has revealed. Ed.
PART V.]
237
MRS. FLETCHER.
these things?" I replied, The belief of those things
but
you have mentioned, are by the outward senses ;
religion is an inward principle, which God must open in
our souls, and which changes every power and passion
thereof. If all you are to believe could be compre-
hended by the outward senses, the greatest sinners might
be as good believers as the most holy persons. But the
sense which God opens in the soul, and which we call faith,
makes you acquainted with spiritual things, and capable of
communion with God. He then answered in haste, "God
hath never opened such a sense in my soul, and of course
he will not condemn me for not using a power he hath not
given." True, (said I) it is not opened in you; but it is
because you shut your eyes and heart against it. Your
state is exactly described in the word of God, whether
will believe it or no. This same Jesus whom you have
despised, was "to the Jews a stumbling-block, and to the
wise Greeks foolishness, but to us who believe," we feel
him to be "the wisdom of God, and the power of God."
you
It was a precious time to my own soul; I had such a
sweet view of the whole plan of redemption! A ray of
light shone upon the amazing wisdom, as well as love,
contained therein, and filled my heart with a sweet
liberty, while I was attempting to lay before him the
hidden glories of the adorable Jesus: when he appeared
without form or comeliness, and by his deep humiliation
marked out all our way! How well suited this plan
of salvation was to break down the high aspiring thoughts
of man, and to bring him into that absolute dependence,
and perfect submission, which make the joys of heaven!
I observed also, that a far greater salvation was wrought
out for us, and a far greater glory would redound to God,
by this wonderful act of free grace, than could have
been if we had never needed such a Saviour.
I now daily discerned some advances, he gave back
more and more; and the word of God began to be more
honourable in his eyes. But yet he would say, "Every
man hath the right of private judgment.-Can I not be
238
[PART V.
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saved without believing on Jesus Christ? If I address
my prayers to the Supreme Being, and strive to obey
him, why should I be condemned for not believing what
I cannot understand?" To this I answered, "God so
loved the world, that he gave his only-begotten Son, that
all who believe on him should not perish, but have ever-
lasting life." Now, said I, there is the condition : "If
you believe on him whom the Father hath given." He
seemed in a struggle to believe, and said with vehemence,
-"But I cannot believe God would become a man, and
die for me! I am not worthy of it! The thought
absurd. Why, Aunt, if I were condemned to death, do
you believe the King of England would die to save my
life? No, said I, I believe he would not. "Now there
is the thing," replied he-" You start at the thought of
the king dying for me; and yet you want me to believe,
that God hath died in my place !"*
I observed the different relation he stood in to God.~
The king (said I,) did not create you; you are not his
offspring neither can the love of a finite being bear any
comparison with that pure unmixed love, which dwells in
the heart of God. The king did not voluntarily take all
your condemnation on himself. But the Almighty Sa-
viour has done so! He acts by us as if some great poten-
tate should receive into his favour a poor beggar—make
her his spouse-take all her debts on himself—give her a
right to his treasures -a part in his throne-and a share
in all his titles! "Thus God so loved the world, that he
gave his only-begotten Son, that whosoever believeth on
him," should by virtue of that union inherit all things!
Here is the condition; but you will not comply there-
with. Only suppose for one moment, that the king had
died to save your life: but that when you was informed
of his unparalleled love, you would give no credit
thereto even though one should say to you, Only look
through this glass in my hand. I hold it to your eye;
only look through it, and you will see him hang bleeding
* What a genuine instance of carnal reasoning! Ed.
PART V.]
239
MRS. FLETCHER.
there! But you turn away your face with contempt, and
will not so much as look on him who bleeds for you!
Would you not in that case be a monster of ingratitude ?
Now this word of God, this book, is the glass; if with
simplicity and prayer you look into it, you shall there
discern that Supreme Being, (whom unknown you wor-
ship) and that "He was in Christ reconciling the world
to himself: and that there is no other name given under
heaven whereby you can be saved."
One afternoon as he was reading to me, I pointed him
to the experience of Brother Story, believing it was
suited to his present state. But contrary to all I had for
a long time seen in him, he appeared quite hard, and
cavilled at almost every sentence. I answered his objec-
tions for a long time, till I was quite spent. Then look-
ing solemnly at him, with tears in my eyes, I put out my
I
hand to take the book. He was moved, and said tenderly
"What, Aunt! What! No! I will read any thing,
any thing you give me! You think me in a bad spirit,
Aunt!" I replied, Why, my dear, I do not think you
are in a very good one.-That book does not suit you
to-night. He then read on, till he came to a part very
applicable to his present feelings. He dropped the book
at once, and remained silent.-After a time I asked him
what was the matter? He replied-" I know not what
is the matter! I feel a horrible sensation! O what do
I ail! How have I been speaking to you! Dear Aunt,
the more kind you are, the more ungrateful I am.-
What is the matter with me? I am worse and worse!"
I strove to comfort him; saying, It is well; the Lord is
beginning to show you your heart. Ah," replied he,
"You say very well, but I say very ill; for I am worse
than before I came to England. O, I am ashamed to
think how I spent my life! I thought I had done all
things for the glory of God. But now I see I have done
all for myself, and to please myself only." After some
time of silence, he said, "I will now tell you what I have
been doing. All this week I have strove to address my
CC
240
[PART V.
THE LIFE OF
prayers to Jesus Christ, as you advised me, but alas! I
am more dull and cold in them than I ever felt before!
O, if he is God, why doth he not help me! You said,
Aunt, he would answer for himself!" Then in an agony,
he added, "Why does he not answer? Why does he
not answer?" While I was making a few observations
on the long time the Lord had waited for him, &c. Mr.
Horne came in to meet the men's class, to which he was
that night to go up for the first time. When he came
down, he said his mind was more composed, and he
wished he had frequented that meeting before.
upon
66
After supper, being alone, we renewed our conversa-
tion, and I repeatedly assured him the Lord would shine
him if he would only persevere. His cry was still,
Why does he not answer?" It being late, we parted.
I then went again to the throne of grace, to pour out my
complaint before the Lord. I saw we were come to a
point, and could go no further without His immediate
help. I had staked all on the faithfulness of my God,
and had declared the answer would come and now
there was nothing more for me to do, but to obtain it of
the Almighty. Sometimes I felt all faith and hope; at
others, as if cold water was thrown over the fire of ex-
pectation. Satan was not idle. He suggested, You will
find him to-morrow as you left him to-night. I pleaded
with the Lord, that it was no new thing I asked. He
had shown his approval of sacrifices by fire from heaven;
-He had wrought for his people ;-He had given signs
and wonders! "His arm was not shortened,” and I
besought him to appear in such a manner for this young
man, as should convince him of the truth. Sometimes I
felt all discouragement, but I did not mind that; I knew
from whence it came. I said, Lord! thy word stands
always sure; it is not my feelings, but thy faithfulness,
that I depend on. Lord, thou hast said-" Whatsoever
ye shall ask the Father in my name, I will do it." I ask
this in thy name! I leave it in thy hand, assured of the
answer.
PART V.]
241
MRS. FLETCHER.
The next morning he went out early. On his return
at night, he said, “Aunt, I have a great deal to tell you.
-After we parted last night, I thought I would pray; but
that it was right to consider what I wanted most. Then
I thought, why I most want light in this point, about
Jesus Christ. But will God so condescend as to answer
me? Then, Aunt, I heard a voice, (not with my ear,
but I did hear it,) say, Yes, he will. Then I began and
made prayer;-and an hour went away like a minute,—
and I could say, Through the Lord Jesus Christ! O dear
Aunt, I thought I must have come up and told you, but
you were gone to bed. And again I thought, may be
to-morrow God will confirm this. And so he has, for
when I was at Waters Upton, Mr. G. H. began to make
pleasantry of the miracles of Jesus Christ. I said in
myself, yesterday I could have smiled at this, and heard
it with pleasure; but now it was a horrible sensation, I
could not bear it. I was forced to go out of the house.
Was not that a sign, Aunt, that there is some change
in me ?"
Soon after, he had a particular dream. He thought he
was in Switzerland, and attempting to converse with one
of his old acquaintance on the things of God; but was
much surprised to find he could only speak in English.
Afterward, as he stood at a window with his father, he
saw eight full moons all at once, and said in his mind, it
means eight months. A beautiful city then rose up before
his eyes, and as he looked thereon, he beheld a lovely
appearance, and thought, Is that St. John? He looked,
till dazzled with the beams of glory which surrounded
the face, as it passed over the city, he cried out, See!
father, see! The Lod Jesus! The Lord Jesus! and so
awoke. This dream seemed to make a deep impression
on him, though he attempted no explanation. About a
week after this, coming home one night late, from visiting
a sick neighbour, on my inquiring after his state, he
answered, "Aunt, I have not found the evening long, for
21
2429
[PART V.
THE LIFE OF
I have been in deep recollection almost all the time you
have been gone. And now I can say, "Faith is the evi-
dence of things unseen," for if I had seen my Lord, I
could not be more assured than I am." From this time
the change has been more and more evident. He attends
all the meetings with me, and our dear friends are not a
little delighted to hear the nephew and godson of their
beloved Minister, telling in his broken English, that his
eyes, which had long been accustomed to see darkness,
do now behold the light of the Lord.
Sometime after, writing to a friend, he uses these
words, "I have altogether left Mr. Horne's house,
though fully satisfied with all there; but it would have
been very disagreeable to me to have been forced to ride
daily, and at night, over one of the worst roads in the
kingdom. I have now for three months enjoyed the
happiness of living with my Aunt, and I feel more and
more the immense obligation which I owe to her, not
only for all the temporal care she hath taken for me,
but much more for the blessing of my soul. Yes, she
hath shown me clearly, that the knowledge of mathema-
tics, and a vain philosophy, are not sufficient to procure
us true happiness; but the knowledge of Him only who
giveth wisdom liberally to those who ask it. She hath
taught me to distinguish the things which are situated
within the reach of our understanding, from those which
are beyond it; for I must own that the idea which I had
before of the strength of my understanding, and the ex-
tent of my knowledge, was so false, that I thought nothing
to be out of my sphere. But now, blessed be God!
not only I feel that it is not permitted to men to scruti-
nize with profane looks the mysteries of religion, but I
believe them with a holy respect; and far from being
ashamed to acknowledge Jesus for my Saviour, I set my
glory in it, and that persuasion makes me happy!"
He is indeed a new creature, and his conscience ap-
pears to be so tender, and his convictions of the need of
PART V.
243
MRS. FLETCHER.
a further change, so strong, that I am sunk in amazement
and wonder! O what a prayer-hearing God have we to
do with! "Ask, and you shall receive," is more than
ever written on my heart! On the first of January, he
was much blest, and told me he had found such a power
to renew his covenant with the Lord as he had never
done before. He broke out in prayer with such simpli-
city as delighted the whole congregation! In a few
months he must leave me, and return to Switzerland-I
trust in the power of the Lord, to be a messenger of glad
tidings to the dear family of his precious uncle. O, my
God! what hast thou done for thy poor worm in the
day of her adversity! “Bless the Lord, O my soul, and
all that is within me, bless his holy name!"
END OF THE FIFTH PART.
PART THE SIXTH.
Her religious experience at Madely.
December 3, 1785.
LAST night I had a peculiar sense of that truth, “Thy
Maker is thy Husband!" I saw great depth in that
declaration. The thought of belonging only to Jesus
was precious! These words were powerfully on my
mind,----
:
"Be bold in Jesus to confide,
His creature, and his spotless bride!
Thy husband's power and goodness prove,
The holy one of Israel He!
The Lord of hosts hath chosen thee,
In faith, and holiness, and love!"
I saw and felt all things are possible to persevering
faith but in the midst of this exercise, my old tempta-
tion presented, Thou art not in joy !—And some say,--
"No more holiness than joy."—It was as cold water cast
on a fire! My feeble sore spirit trembled under the
suggestion, and sorrow's waves around me rolled! I
said, true, I have not joy! Again it came to my mind,
others believe because an overflowing power constrains
them so to do but I believe, as it were, because I will
believe.* Yet I thought, is not that the way of faith?
Ought I not to hang on Jesus in the midst of the fire?
What is "the abiding in the secret place of the Most
High?" Is it not taking shelter in Jesus, and keeping
fixed there whatever storms may surround? I cried to
the Lord, and sometimes the faith of Abraham was set
before me. These words of our Lord were also applied,
"Blessed are they who have not seen, and yet have
* So must they in the hour of temptation. Ed.
PART VI.]
245
MRS. FLETCHER.
believed." But still the weight hung over my soul. At
night I went to bed oppressed, yet struggling to maintain
that faith which "Staggers not at the promise," but gives
glory to God by believing.
I dreamed I was in a room with Sally, and saw a pic-
ture, or rather the groundwork for a picture, on which
was only painted one small sheep lying down; the rest
was all plain, I said to her, Sally, look on that picture,
and what the Lord says, your dear master will draw it
out for me to read! I then saw letter by letter come
out, as if wrote (though without any hand or pen,) as
follows: "She that dwelleth in the secret place of the
Most High, shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.”
I felt it a confirmation of my faith; and said, There is no
better path than to repose the soul in God, and to go on
in quiet resignation, whatever we may feel. As I was
making that reflection, I heard, though yet asleep, my
dear husband's voice, as if close to my face, speaking
these words,
Shout, all ye people of the sky!
And all ye saints of the Most High:
Our God, who thus His right obtains,
For ever and for ever reigns!
The beginning I heard in my sleep, but as it waked
me, the rest was heard afterward; and I could have
known his voice among a thousand. I saw from it, we
never render to God his right till we abandon, by a
perfect resignation, all our concerns, spiritual as well as
temporal, into his hand, and learn to lie still before Him,
in the posture of a little child, hanging each moment by
faith on His mercy. I see how the art of Satan has hin-
dered me. Indeed my present state is not joyous. I feel,
keenly feel my loss! I am as a poor sheep alone on the
mountains. I feel a sorrow no pen can describe. I am
penetrated with fiery darts, and my health so broken,
my nerves so weak ;-with a variety of trying affairs,
which quite weigh me down. But this morning, the
21 *
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99
Lord showed me, I was not to set joy as the mark,* but
a ready submission, and quiet resignation to His will.
That I was to fix this on my mind, "Whoso trusteth in
the Lord shall never be confounded.' That I was to lie
still as clay in his hand; that he in his wisdom and love
might save me in the way that he knew. My only care
should be, to embrace the cross with a ready will!
February 6, 1786. My soul is waiting on the Lord.
I believe he will bring me into his unclouded presence!
I do feel the truth of these words,
They shall as their right His righteousness claim."
I also feel that,
"I shall as my right His purity claim."
""
I do claim it, and feel a share therein. He keeps me;
I know" He that abideth in Him sinneth not." My soul
doth abide, looking by faith to Jesus; and I do not
feel any sin; yet my sorrow and mourning is deep. I
also feel sore temptation; not to any thing earthly of
any kind No, I believe "the world is crucified to me,'
and I" unto the world!" It has no charms for me; but
I am tempted with great terrors, which come over my
mind in a moment, and my weak nerves, which have
been affected even to a degree of palsy, help to let in
the temptations. At times the Lord Jesus gives me such
a view of his faithfulness and full power to save, that
I seem to forget for a few moments all my sorrow! This
is the case often; but then, the vision shuts again, and
grievous temptations return. I want a full liberty, such
as was given at the outpouring of the Spirit on the day
of Pentecost. I believe there is a degree of union which
shuts out all sorrow,†-The soul having so entered into
the element of love, as to be incapable of receiving any
*It is a real part of the "kingdom of God," (Rom. xvii. 14.) but not
sensibly discerned while the believer is "sifted as wheat." Ed.
+ No; our Lord was a man of sorrows. But all rebellious sorrow we
may be saved from. Ed.
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MRS. FLETCHER.
idea but what is consonant therewith, or in other words,
a" dwelling in God," and possessing the fulness of that-
promise, "I and my Father will come and make our abode
with you."
February 16. I found to-day some refreshment in
conversing with that dear old saint, Mary Matthews, one
of my dear love's first children, who endured much
persecution for the truth's sake many years since. She
was called under the first sermon she heard him preach ;
and after feeling the spirit of bondage nearly two years,
was very clearly set at liberty, and walked many years
in faith and love. It was she who was so blessed the first
Sabbath my dear husband introduced me into the kitchen
among those who met there, and she has enjoyed a fuller
liberty ever since.-She told me―That on the day after
the preaching, in the last week, having undertaken to
open the door in time for the morning service, she took
the key of the room for that purpose, and believed the
Lord would awake her in time. About two in the morn-
ing (instead of five) she was awaked with an extraor-
dinary power of God. She thought, I must rise and
pray. She came down and broke up the fire, and being
in a little house all alone, she sat down to meditate, and
give full scope to the Spirit. She took up her hymn-
book, but could not read, for, said she, "All around me
seemed God! It appeared to me as if the room was full
of heavenly spirits. I laid the book down, and falling
back in my chair, I remembered no more of any thing
outward, but thought I was at the threshold of a most
beautiful place. I could just look in.-The first thing 1
saw was the Lord Jesus sitting on a throne! There was
a beautiful crown over his head! It did not seem to bear
with a weight, but as if it was suspended there, and as
he turned his head, it turned with him. A glorious light
appeared on one side,—and all around him was glory!
I thought on that word of St. Paul,—Who dwelleth in light
unapproachable! Turning my eye alittle, I saw close to my
Saviour my dear minister, Mr. Fletcher! He looked con-
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But he
tinually on the Lord Jesus with a sweet smile.
had a very different appearance from what he had when
in the body, and yet there was such an exact resemblance,
that I could have known him among a thousand! Fea-
tures and limbs just the same, but not of flesh. It was
what I cannot describe, all light! I know not what to
call it! I never saw any thing like it. It was, I thought,
such a body as could go thousands of miles in a moment!*
There were several passed who had the same appear-
ance; and I seemed to have lost my old weak shaking
body! I seemed to myself as if I could have gone to
the world's end as light as air! I looked on him a long
time, and observed every feature with its old likeness.
He then turned his eyes on me, and held out his hand to
me just as he used to do. After this, the whole disap-
peared, and I came to myself, and found it was just the
time when I should open the preaching-house door.”—I
found her words a comfort to me.t Ah! my dear hus-
band was a suffering member here; but he is now a
bright star in glory.
I am amazed to see how the Almighty appears for me
in outward things. Night and day I have a sense of
safety. I feel as if the angels of the Lord encamped
round about me! Though we are alone, I and the two
girls in this house, sometimes only Sally and me, no long
winter night seems to have any thing dreary to me!
Indeed life and death are equal, the will of God is all!
I feel also a quiet acquiescence in the will of God. His
will shall be my choice! I have no other rest on earth.
Yet I have not joy! But I will lie in his hands for this
also.
Some thoughts have arisen in my mind on this subject.
There has long been a question between two sorts of
What a description! Far beyond her powers.
Ed.
+ How wonderful are the ways of God! Instead of that "joy un-
speakable, and full of glory," which this devoted woman so earnestly
desired, He took this way to comfort her! And what a mystery of love
even in this, that he should give it to her, not directly, but at second
hand! Ed.
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MRS. FLETCHER.
religious professors, both devoted to God. The one part
say, "A child of God labouring up perfection's hill may
be in darkness and obscurity for a time, in order to his
further purification." The others say, "Nay, there can
be no darkness but from the displeasure of God! neither
is there any true holiness but in proportion to this joy."
But what do we mean by darkness? And what do we
mean by joy? Many blend the idea of darkness with
deadness. They suppose such to have no savour of
divine things. They do not mourn after Jesus, as one
who mourns for her first-born. They can be content with
worldly rest. They look more to men and means for help
than singly to Jesus. They are indeed pained sometimes
because they have no more life; but their treasure is
still here. Such darkness certainly the true believer
does not feel. The experience of Mr. Brainerd is a fine
comment on this. A soul thirsting (in general) after the
full mind of Christ,-whose conscience is truly tender,
to whom the world is crucified, and who has no relish
but for the things of another life-Whose eye is really
fixed, "not on the things which are seen, but on the
things which are not seen"-To whom the prospect of
a nearly approaching death is pleasant, from a firm con-
fidence of final salvation, though that confidence may be
oft assaulted; and who feels an intense, though mournful,
desire after the whole mind of Christ ;—and an abiding
filial fear of offending God.-Such a soul may find some-
times great obscurity, as if its Saviour was hidden—as if
the Lord shut himself up within stone walls, which
prayer could not pass through ;-so that even strong sup-
plication and prayer shall seem to feel resistance.
when Jacob wrestled with the Angel, it seemed as if he
wanted to get loose from Jacob's grasp, without giving
him the blessing. As when our Lord gave that (seem-
"It is
ingly) harsh answer to the Canaanitish woman,
not meet to take the children's bread and give it unto
dogs!"
Was it to discourage and drive her back? Was
it from wrath he spoke? Ah, no! It was to try and to
As
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:
strengthen her faith by exercise; and to increase her
blessing, when he pronounced that word, "O woman,
great is thy faith! be it unto thee even as thou wilt."
We have often a wrong idea of faith.-When the apostle
says, "I have fought the good fight, I have kept the
faith,'
”—How do we understand him? Some say,- -"He
fought against sin,-He was firm in persecution, and he
always believed. His soul was so full of light and power
that he could not help believing." Was there then no
conflict in believing? When St. Paul says, Cast not away
your confidence, does he mean that they could not cast it
away? Were they to hold it fast, when it needed no
holding? And is it thus that it should have great recom-
pense of reward?
But does not the whole tenor of Scripture speak of
the Christian soldier, as "fighting the fight of faith?"
And what is faith, but "the believing of things unseen?"
"Blessed are they who have not seen, and yet have
believed." And to Nathaniel, our Lord says,—“ Because
I said, Under the fig-tree I saw thee, believest thou?
Thou shalt see greater things than these".
It seems to me, therefore, That the way of holiness
is to strive every moment to "look unto Jesus as the
author and finisher of our faith ;" and while the soul is
so continually hanging on him, let it not esteem it a
strange thing, if it should feel the powers of darkness
surround it, inducing horror and dismay! If the believer
feel as though the Angel of the covenant struggled against
him; as if he would go away and leave the soul unblest.
It may seem to have even a rebuke instead of a blessing,
like the Canaanitish woman ;-nay, it may feel as if all
its strength was failing, so that it could wrestle no longer.
-Perhaps the day begins to break! Death seems at the
door! and the fainting soul cries out, O, what is all my
wrestling come to! My day of grace is gone, and I am
not saved! But the very next moment may bring the
"New name of Israel! As a Prince, thou hast power
with God, and hast prevailed."
PART VI.]
251
MRS. FLETCHER.
June 19th. I now see clearly what I want. My soul
is not brought fully into the element of love. There is
a fulness of love, or, a perfect love, which casts out
all fear." I have not perfect resignation; yet my will
never seems to oppose God. I have not perfect peace;
it is disturbed by temptation. I have not perfect union
with God; clouds come between.-In short, that salva-
tion I felt at Hoxton, and which I now feel, is like Israel
when on the borders of Canaan. But I am not put in
full possession. I do not dwell in love. I am determined,
however, never to rest short of it; and I believe that is
the meaning of the promise so impressed upon my mind,
"An abundant entrance shall be ministered unto you into
the kingdom of our Lord Jesus Christ." Lord, hasten the
"It is not of
hour! I have no hope but from Thee.
him that willeth, nor of him that runneth, but of God
that showeth mercy! Not by might nor by power, but
by my Spirit, saith the Lord of hosts!"
Well,--if I am thus perfectly saved, I shall be the
greatest monument of mercy! For since that time I
was blessed at Hoxton, how often have I sunk back from
that liberty of faith! and though the divine change
has ever since remained on my soul, yet there have
been times in which I have been a monster in my own
eyes, for I have many times found self, and from that
root, every evil springing up in my soul.
I would give a list of the evils I have felt, but, alas !
when I attempt it, I am lost! I cannot find any words
to express myself in. But this I will say, for the com-
fort of some who have known these things, and into
whose hand this account may fall, that wherein they
have lamented their inbred corruption, I have much.
more cause for lamentation.
Oh! if I were but for one hour permitted to enter
heaven, that I might throw myself at the feet of all
whom I have offended, or hindered, by my pride, self-
will, and other evils, it would yield me some consola-
tion. Yet I believe I shall be delivered from them all,
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and even from this painful reflection. Yes, I shall; the
God of love hath said, "Thou shalt walk with me in
white-I will make thee worthy!" And my soul has of
late felt a great renewal of that promise. Yes, I shall
overcome! I begin, though but faintly, to shout victory!
I shall overcome! for I singly trust in Jesus.
Friday, June 23. Three days ago, as I was thinking
of the above words," I am not brought into the element
of love," a thought came into my mind. Thou waitest
and pleadest to be brought into another state :—Abide in
Jesus! That is the way to love, and to bring forth all
good fruit. I weighed it over in my mind, and saw that
it was so. I have Jesus! and have I not all in him?
Those words shone with light on my heart, "Christ is
made of God unto you, wisdom, righteousness, sanctifica-
tion, and redemption." I felt I ought to rejoice in my
privilege; the privileges of my present dispensation.
I am brought into a state of love; and that I do not
abundantly grow therein is, because I do not abide every
moment in a quiet peaceable confidence, believing the
Lord will enable me to glorify him in and through every
thing. These words were yesterday, and are still, the
language of my soul,
"No condenmation now I dread;
Jesus, and all in Him is mine ;
Alive in Him, my living head,
And just in righteousness divine.
Bold I approach th' eternal throne,
And claim the crown thro' Christ my own."
Friday, July 21. O, the union my spirit feels with
Time makes no difference to me.
my dear husband!
As I was offering up my trials to the Lord to-day, these
words came to my mind," Ask of the Lord grace to
suffer as much, and as long as he pleases." I thought,
so I will. I will not even wish to have it mitigated.
Saturday, July 22. Yesterday I was at the Chapel
in Madely Wood, and found much freedom of spirit
while speaking on these words," Bring my soul out of
PART VI.]
253
MRS. FLETCHER.
This morning I
prison, that I may praise Thy name."
feel my soul cast on the Lord, and was blessed in
reading those words of Fenelon, "Your letter leaves
me nothing to wish for. It confesses all that is past, and
promises every thing for the future. With regard to
the past, you need only leave it to God, with an humble
confidence, and repair it by a constant fidelity. You
ask what penances are required for the past? Can we
perform greater, or more salutary ones, than bearing
our present crosses? The best reparation of our past
vanities is the being humble, and content that God should
humble us. The most rigorous of all penances is,
notwithstanding all our dislikes and weariness, to do daily
and hourly the will of God rather than our own.
***
Thursday, July 27. For some days I have felt keen
darts from the enemy, and such a sense of being alone
in the world as I cannot express. But last night, in the
midst of these feelings, I felt a strong impression that my
trials were increased by my not courageously believing
every moment that the Lord has absolutely undertaken
my whole cause. And I am convinced that when Satan
pursues me with glooms and threatenings, I ought to
believe that all is permitted to exercise my faith and
patience. I feel at all times that my heart has embraced
the glory of God, as my one sole care, and therefore I have
nothing to do even with my state, whether it is joyous or
sad, but only to cling to the covenant I have entered into,
of being a whole burnt-sacrifice to the Lord; and leave
him to choose for me every moment, who is in himself
all wisdom and love. This thought brought with it a
sweet peace; and these words were applied to my soul,
"Cast not away therefore your confidence, which hath
great recompense of reward, for ye have need of pa-
tience, that after ye have done the will of God, ye may
receive the promise." I see also that I must singly trust
* How well soine Romanists have written on Christian obedience! O
si sic omnia! Ed.
22
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66
in Jesus, resolved to believe that he will make me more
than conqueror through all. "None ever trusted in him
and was confounded." My one cry therefore shall be,
Lord, glorify thyself in thy poor creature, and that is
enough." In the night I was exercised with pain more
than common, but my mind seemed to be fixed on this,
Lord, glorify thyself! I slept; and waked in that thought,
and it brought peace.
August 3. This time of the year returning affects me
much. This day twelve months was the last in which
my dear husband enjoyed perfect health, and the last in
which he visited his people. Oh! how does every hour
present the past scenes to my view! But I find power to
live in the spirit of sacrifice. As I was this morning
reading Mr. Wesley's note on Judges, chap. iv. 14. it
was made a blessing to me. It is said of Barak, "He
went down from Mount Tabor," Mr. Wesley adds,
"He did not make use of the advantage which he had of
the hill, where he might have been out of the reach of
Sisera's iron chariots. He boldly marches down into the
valley, to give him the opportunity of using his chariots.
and horses, that so the victory might be more glorious."
So it seems to be with me. When I had every help
and every comfort, he brought me into the valley
indeed! unto the loss of all my earthly comforts; and
into deep and fierce temptation. And yet those very
things which would have been a great trial to me,
and a great alarm to my fears, when I had my dearest
companion with me, are nevertheless rendered easy;
and my Captain going before, seems to gain for me an easy
victory. He is my light in difficulties, my protection in
dangers, and my continual shield. But that word of the
Lord spoken to Gideon, "The people are too many for
me to deliver Israel by them," casts a still clearer light
on my path. I was the happiest of women! I had every
thing which friendship, the most heavenly and refined,
could give. My helps were too many; I could not feel
PART VI.]
255
MRS. FLETCHER.
my deep nothingness. God has stripped me of all! Yet
I will look every moment for the complete victory.
Monday, August 14. How awful a Sabbath was yester-
day to me! The remembrance of the tremendous scene
that day twelve months deeply penetrated my heart.
The whole of the last week has been to me very solemn.
Every hour has pointed out some part of the bitter cup
which I have drank, and do still deeply drink of.
+
This day has also been a time of deep examination.
What difference do I find between this and the last four-
teenth of August, the day of my dear husband's death?
I find a good deal many ways. First, I have more ve-
hement longing after Christ. Secondly, I am stript of all
desire of human comforts, and dead to earth in a fuller
degree than I ever was before in any part of my life.
Thirdly, That fierce conflict of temptation which I endu-
red at that time, has wrought for my good. Fourthly, I
am more constant and faithful in private prayer, indeed
it is my one business; and I have a more watchful spirit.
Fifthly, I feel a more perfect resignation; and though my
wound continually bleeds, yet I can continually say, Thy
will be done. Yet nothing can supply the place of the
full indwelling Spirit. The Lord is ever with me, I have
surprising helps and deliverances, and victory in every
trial. I feel I am crucified to the world; but yet I want
the promise of the Father in its fulness.
Tuesday, August 15. Yesterday being (according to
the days of the month) the annual return of the time
when my dearest love departed this life, I set it apart
for prayer and close examination, to know what I had
gained or lost in this black year. Most of the day I was
in heaviness; but by the light of God I clearly discerned
his powerful hand was upon me. The entire deadness
I find to every thing worldly; the purity in which the
Lord continually keeps my soul; the increasing vigour
of my spiritual affections; my great love for souls, and
abundant liberty in speaking to them, with the many de-
grees of resignation to the divine will which I feel my
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[PART VI.
THE LIFE OF
soul sunk into ;-and that spirit of love which ever
prompts me to turn the other cheek, all give me good
hope. Now, thought I, though I felt a measure of all-
this before, is not the increase of all these an evident
mark, that the work of God is deepened in my soul? I
saw it was so, and was constrained to cry out, This hath
God wrought!
I then was led to reflect on my union with my dear
husband, and saw how much of the heavenly state we had
enjoyed together; and it seemed as if I so longed to give
up
all for God, that I offered up to his divine will even
our eternal union, (if it was in reality, as many suppose,
that separate spirits forget all they have known and loved
here) that his will might be done! I seemed content, so
my dearest love, and my own soul, were lost in his im-
mensity, and should know each other no more! I then
found, as it were, a conversation carried on in my mind.
The question arose, what part of our union can heaven
dissolve? It will take away all that was painful-such as
our fears for each other's safety, our separations, &c.
But what of the pleasant part can heaven dissolve? I
answered from the bottom of my heart, Nothing, Lord,
nothing! Clear as light it appeared before me, that hea-,
ven could not dissolve any thing which agreed with its.
own nature. Let two drops of water, two flames of fire, or
any two quantities of the same element, be put together,
they would not destroy each other, but would be increased.
So what came down from God, would, when returned to
.its source, live for ever, and be corroborated, but not
lessened.
I am quite at a loss for words to describe the feelings
of that hour! but it fixed in my soul an assurance of our
eternal union. And as it increased my tender affection
towards my dear husband, so it seemed to spread it to
all around. I felt it reflect as
I felt it reflect as it were backwards and
forwards, to and from all the heavenly host; all seemed
doubly dear through that endearing love I found to him.
At the same moment, a peculiar sense of union with my
PART VI.]
257
MRS. FLETCHER.
friend Ryan sprang up in my soul; and I seemed to wor-
ship with them both before the throne. As I rose from
my knees, I had an application of these words, as from
his own dear mouth,
"The days that in heaven they spend,
For ever and ever shall last."
O, what did I feel! my eyes overflowed with tears, and
my heart with praise !.
November 15. Last Sunday (the 12th) was to me a
heavy day. That was the day my dear husband gave
himself to me, and that I gave myself to him, or rather
the Lord gave us to each other. But I was enabled to
go through the duty which the Lord called me to that
day, with calmness and resignation.
This day I had, at my ten o'clock hour, much freedom
in pouring out my heart to the Lord.. I prayed that I
might have an increase of faith. I then opened an old
book which helped me to make some reflections very
suitable to the present posture of my mind. I had been
considering whether I might expect as fully to glorify my
Saviour as one who had been less guilty and sinful? For
two days that question had been uppermost in my heart,
and the following words much in my mouth,
:
"If so poor a worm as I
May to thy great glory live !"-
But to-day I was led into the following considerations:
the Lord Jesus hath said, They to whom much is forgiven,
love much, but they to whom (comparatively) little is for-
given, love little and this is corroborated by three para-
bles, The lost sheep, the piece of money, and the prodigal
But why is it so? Can I find sufficient ground for
my faith to set its foot upon? The following thoughts
occurred to my mind. First, We generally love best
what has cost us most. My Saviour has drunk a more
bitter draught for me, than for many ;* therefore he hath
son.
* Here is a fine illustration of those words of the Apostle, "In lowli
ness of mind, let each esteem the other better than himself." Can we :
keep the unity of the spirit without this? - Ed.
22 *
258
[PART VI.
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paid a higher price for me. All the pain, shame, and
evil consequences of sin, "He hath borne in his own
body; He hath borne my grief and carried my sorrows.
Well then, I have more to love him for than any other.
Secondly, The author observes, "It is certain we
may believe that God will give them the first place in his
esteem, who have glorified him most in this world."
But who are they? Doubtless those who believe most,
-who come nearest to the faith of Abraham; for to be-
lieve in God's faithfulness to his promises, and in his
power to perform them, is to give him glory. Rom. iv.
20, 21. "He staggered not at the promise through
unbelief, but was strong in faith giving glory to God;
and being fully persuaded that what he had promised, he
was able also to perform." From hence it follows, that
to believe the truth and faithfulness of God in his pro-
mises, and in his power to perform, (even in those cases
where the performance is most difficult and rare,) is a
greater glorifying of God, and shows a higher degree of
faith, than to believe in ordinary cases only, wherein the
belief is not so generous and noble, or so remote from
the common principles of reason. The high commenda-
tion of Abraham's faith, by which he is said to give glory
to God, (i. e. in a very signal and transcendent manner)
is expressed in these words, Who against hope believed in
hope. His faith breaking through the strong oppositions
which the dictates of reason and nature made against it,
was highly pleasing to God, and cast an abundance of
glory upon him in that respect. Hence he pronounced
him the father of the faithful, and made him the father of
many nations; that is, he conferred and settled this great
dignity upon Abraham, to be for ever after reputed and
acknowledged the great exemplar, or pattern of all, who
to the end of the world should believe; and who for
their number should equalize many nations. Therefore,
that believing in God which accords most with this faith
of Abraham, hath most of the spirit and power of that
grace. That which lifteth up itself in the soul against
PART VI.
259
MRS. FLETCHER.
the strongest assaults or encounters, must needs glorify
God more than that which hath only the common impedi-
ments and obstructions to overcome. Now it is plain
that he who hath been an inveterate and obdurate sinner,
and the most deeply ungrateful; and who hath on his
conscience a heavier burden of guilt than any other ;-
when he believes, I say, he hath much communion with
Abraham in the excellency of his faith, and believeth
against many fierce lions and bears in his way against
the strongest and most violent temptations to diffidence
and despair. Whereas, he who hath no such mountains
in the way for his faith to leap over, he who hath no such
armed fears, no such imperious contradictions of sin to
encounter, his faith, though it hold good correspondence
with the faith of Abraham, in the nature and truth of it,
yet it is far beneath it in that crowning property, where-
by it gave glory to God so abundantly.*
December 12. In prayer this morning, I was led to
see the beauty of faith in reposing the whole soul on
God. Surely, O Lord! thou requirest nothing of me,
but to believe on thee for all I want! I find the strongest
dart of Satan is against my faith. He tells me all day
long, that I believe because I will believe, and not by
the immediate gift of God-not by the operation of his
Spirit. It seems that is the only hold Satan has on my
soul. But was not my first word (when seven years
old) an invitation to believe ?
"Who on Jesus relies, without money or price,
The pearl of forgiveness and holiness buys."
The same is often applied to me now and does not
the whole Scripture lead to, and require believing?
* "The weaned child shall put his hand on the cockatrice's den." To
a mind less devoted than Mrs, Fletcher's, these speculations might be
dangerous. They might lead to antinomianism; which, as Mr. Wesley
observes, (in the minutes of one of the first Conferences,) comes, in doc-
trine, within a hair's breadth of the highest truths of the Gospel. Mrs.
Fletcher, however, was preserved from this danger, and always found
divine aid in the exercise of faith. By it she overcame, Ed.
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The
Were not the Jews rejected for unbelief? Was it not
esteemed hardness of heart in Israel because they would
not believe the bare promise of God, and so enter into
the good land? I feel a continual power to trust my
all to Jesus, and the more I trust, the more it unites
me to God. Then I do, I will trust Him, though
legions of temptations appear to hinder! What mercy!
I have no temptation to sin!-no; my soul hates all
that God hates! But every stroke is against my faith,
as if I believed too much. I prayed the Lord to direct
me to some book on the subject, and found, as soon as I
rose from my knees, one which I never saw before,
among my dear husband's collection. I opened it on this
subject, Christ the example of our faith."
writer observes on these words, "He is near that justifies
me: who shall contend with me ?"-That Christ is
brought in, as if uttering them before the high-priest's
tribunal, when they spit upon, and buffeted him. When
he was also condemned by Pilate; then he exercised
faith in God his Father, "He is near that justifies me ;"
and as in his condemnation he stood in our stead, so in
this hope of his justification, he speaks in our stead also,
and as representing us in both. And upon this the
apostle pronounces in like words, concerning all be-
lievers. (Rom. viii.) "It is God that justifieth; who is
he that condemneth?" Christ was condemned; yea,
hath died,-who, therefore shall condemn? We have
this communion with Christ in his death and condemna-
tion; yea, in his very faith. If He trusted in God, so
may we; and we shall as certainly be delivered. Ob-
serve, Christ also lived by faith. We are said (John i.
16.) to "receive of his fulness, and grace for grace,
that is, grace answerable, and like unto his, and so
among others, faith.
95
To explain this,-First.-In some sense Christ had
a faith for justification like to ours, though not a justifica-
tion through faith, as we have. He went not out of
himself to rely on another for righteousness, for his.
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MRS. FLETCHER.
H
own was perfect: He was the Lord our righteousness."
Yet He believed on God to justify him, and had recourse
to God for justification, He is near (says he) that justifies
me. If He had stood upon his own person merely, and
upon his Divinity, there would have been no occasion
for such a speech; but as He stood in our behalf there
was; for what need of justification, if He had not been,
in some way, exposed to condemnation? He must there-
fore be supposed to stand here at God's tribunal, as well
as at Pilate's, with all our sins upon Him. And so Isaiah
tells us in chap. liii. God laid on Him the iniquities of
us all. He was made sin and a curse,' and stood not in
danger of Pilate's condemnation only, but of God's too,
unless He satisfied Him for all those sins. And when
the wrath of God for sin came thus upon Him, His faith
was put to it to trust and wait on God for justification, that
He might take off those sins, and His wrath from Him,
and acknowledge Himself satisfied, and the Surety ac-
quitted. Therefore, in the 22d Psalm, He is brought
in as putting forth such a faith as we here speak of,
crying out, My God! my God! when, as to sense, His
God had forsaken Him. Yea, at the sixth verse, we find
Him laying himself at God's feet, lower than ever any
man did! I am a worm and no man, a worm which all
tread on, and no one thinks it wrong to kill ;—and all
this because He bore our sins!
"Now his deliverance and justification from all these,
(to be given him at his resurrection) was the matter, the
business, he trusted God for; even that he should rise
again, and thus appear acquitted from them all. Secondly,
Neither did he exercise faith for himself only, but for
us also; and that more than we are put to it to exercise
for ourselves for he, in emptying himself and dying,
trusted God with the merit of all his sufferings before-
hand; there being such a countless multitude of souls
to be saved thereby to the end of the world. God
trusted Christ before he came into the world, and saved
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millions of souls upon his voluntary offering and engage-
ment, and then Christ at his death trusted God again as
much.* In Hebrews ii. 12, 13, 14. it is made an argu-
ment that Christ became a man like us, because he was
put to live by faith, and the apostle brings in these words
as prophesied of Him, I will put my trust in Him,'
as a proof of his being so constituted. Now how should
the consideration of these things help us to believe, since,
in this example of Christ, we have the highest instance
of believing that ever was. Hast thou the guilt of in-
numerable sins upon thee? Consider what Christ had,
though not his own. Luther boldly says, • Christ was
the greatest sinner that ever was'—that is, by imputa-
tion. And yet he trusted God to justify him from all,
and to raise him up from under the wrath due to them.
Dost thou say, Christ was God, and knew he could
satisfy ;-but I am a sinful man! Well, but if thou art
one who castest thyself on Christ, and believest on him,
thou art made one with Christ, and Christ speaking these
words, He is near that justifieth, spake them in thy name
as well as his own, for he stood in thy stead. It was
only thy sins, and those of others, which exposed him to
condemnation! and thou seest what his confidence was
beforehand, that God would justify him. And if he had
left any of them unsatisfied for, he had not been justified.
But by his being justified from all sin, shall all sinners be
justified who believe in him. Certainly for this very
reason our sins shall not hinder our coming to God. He
then brings in those words, (John xvii.) For their sakes
I sanctify myself, that they also may be sanctified through
* "Great is the mystery of godliness," especially in every thing respect-
ing the Holy Trinity. Eternity will be employed in developing the divinity
and glory of our redemption. That the FATHER should become the God
of the Son, by the incarnation! And that "God manifest in the flesh,"
should believe, obey, and suffer; and "through the Eternal Spirit," thus
"offer himself a sacrifice to God," in the truth of the nature which he had
assumed-What a depth is here! " Angels desire to look into it." The
whole universe is interested in it, and will be affected by it for ever. Ed.
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MRS. FLETCHER.
the truth.' Showing how we possess all spiritual b ess-
ings in Christ Jesus."
I found a sweet and clear light shine on the above, and
many other passages of the book; and praised God for
the answer of prayer. In short, I felt we have all in
Christ,—and that they feel it most who believe most!
December 28. My soul seems entirely fixed on the
glory of God! For some days that thought has been
continually in my mind, O that I could really know that
he did glorify himself on me!* If I was sure that all I
feel is according to his will, then whatever sorrow or
conflicts I endure I should have a continual heaven. I
entreated the Lord to show me what it was to glorify
him; and in what manner the soul could bring him most
glory.
In a few days my prayer was in part answered. He
showed me, if a lamp was set on the middle of a table,
and several crystals around it, some more, some less
clear, that the clearest crystal would best reflect that
brightness of the lamp. As to my question, Which were
the souls that brought most glory to God? I was taught,
that I must judge nothing before the time, for no true judg-
ment could be formed till that day "when he should
come to be glorified in his saints, and admired in all them
that believe!" Then those who had been most emptied
of self, most deeply humbled, and most fully prepared to
receive and reflect the image of Christ, should eternally
bear the highest resemblance to their Lord. I saw all
good, all glory was in Him, and nothing could bring hon-
our to God, but our becoming nothing, that he might be
all in all! I say, I saw it, but I mean in a far deeper
sense than ever I did before! O how short are words!
I used to feel a pain in writing a diary, because my
words seemed to convey more than I meant; but now
* The "unction of the Holy One, giving a consciousness of our con-
formity to the Son of God, and to his word, can alone bestow or continue
this high privilege.
Ed.
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for some time I have felt just the contrary. I feel more
than I can express.
January 2, 1787. My mind has been yesterday and
to-day, much affected with the thought of beginning a
new year.
This day five years I left Cross-Hall in com-
pany with my dearest husband. O, what have I seen in five
years! And what may I see before the end of the two
next? Those words have been much with me for some
days,-"
-"Stand still and see the salvation of the Lord."
O that I may learn to do it in the most perfect manner!
I am amazed at the goodness of the Lord in many
things. I see him opening all my way before me day by
day. He cuts out my work, and shows me how to employ
every hour. My heavy affliction, which I continually
feel from the loss of my dearest love, I do find power
to offer up each moment to the Lord! Yea, I praise him
in the midst of my sorrow that I have such a sacrifice to
offer. What hath my Saviour done and suffered for me!
I shall not repent when I get to glory that I have suffered
a little for Him. Though of all I have felt, nothing ever
came near this! It has left the finest strings of nature
bleeding! But all is well. I feel my mind drawn to live
on that word,-Thy will be done. In that I rest, and will
for ever rest. My soul, wait thou only upon God, for of
him cometh my salvation. A deep watchful spirit is what
I am praying and waiting for. I mean that continual
cleaving to Jesus, which is implied in that word,-Thou
wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on
Thee.
January 9. Thinking this morning of my temptation,
that my feeling of God is not sensible, and consequently
my joy but weak ;-the following thought came to my
mind, Do I not believe the whole world lieth in the wicked
one, and that he leadeth them captive at his will? But
was I conscious of his presence or power in any manner
that could be called sensible? I was not. Do I not be-
·lieve this was my own state? I do I know I abode in
PART VI.]
265
MRS. FLETCHER.
the wicked one, and was led captive at his will. But I
know I was in him, by the way and disposition I walked
in. I walked in the way to hell, adding sin to sin; ex-
cept when now and then a touch of God interfered. I
walked in the disposition of loving and caring for life; I
took my own care on myself, and sought my own happi-
ness out of God. But I called all this following my rea-
son, and my understanding, so that all the work of the
wicked one on the spirit was invisible, and hidden from
me. Now the apostle says, "As ye have rendered
your members servants to iniquity, so render them unto
righteousness." Thus the work of God on the spirit is
invisible, and hidden many times. But I have known
the sensible deliverance, and the converting power; and
now also he leads me in a way and disposition just con-
trary to what I was-in the way to heaven, for I feel my
treasure is there, though I seem to know only the marks
of his feet. I feel my wishes dead to all of earth. I feel
his will is my refuge! and as to my disposition, I long for
full conformity to him. I live in an act of offering up
my whole self to God almost every moment with a blessed
And therefore I will
degree of peaceful earnestness.
rejoice in this. If I knew before that I was in the evil
one, and led by his will, though I had only a hidden
communion; I know now I dwell in God, and am led by
his will, though I have not what some call sensible joy.*
But I seem to have given my hand to God, as a child to
its mother, and he leads me hour by hour. The above
thought was much blest to me. A sweet light shone on
the work of grace in my soul, and I have since quietly
leaned upon the bosom of my Saviour.
January 10. All day yesterday my faith seemed to
grow stronger, and more nakedly to hang on Jesus. Now
and then also sweet glimpses of the glorious power of
* How greatly was she perplexed on this point by the injudicious con-
versation of some of her friends, whom the Lord, for wise and good rea-
sons, led in a way more directly sensible! Ed.
23
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faith opened before me. I said, Lord, give me a word to
be as a sword in my hand! Immediately it came into
my mind,
" I shall o'ercome through faith alone,
And stand entire at last."
April 30. Having been called to take a journey, I
often thought, while changing from place to place, and
meeting with some things rather difficult, that I was as a
ball which could never fall wrong. I left all to God,
and every thing came right. Yet my loss and painful
remembrance of what the circumcising knife of death had
done, seemed to be renewed by every scene. Herein I
learned a lesson.-Many had said, a journey would help
me; variety of objects would tend to lessen my grief.
But I did not find it so. My health was more poorly than
at home, and sorrow seemed increased, and not lessened,
by all I met with. Nevertheless I saw the will of God,
and can say, He gave me to acquiesce every moment;
and whatever my body might feel, my soul gained good,
and my faith is much increased by a thousand instances
of the love and care of my adorable Saviour manifested
to me in that season. Deep humiliation attended me in
all my exercises, public or private; and I know the
journey was of the Lord.
May 3.
Since my return home, I have felt my soul
sink deeper into God. Some time ago I was awaked
with these words,
"Give to the winds thy fears,
Hope, and be undismay'd;
God hears thy sighs and counts thy tears,
God shall lift up thy head.”
on
Two days ago I was stirred up with reading those
words in Dr. Doddridge's life, "There must be an en-
largement of soul before any remarkable success
others, and a great diligence in prayer and strict watch-
fulness over my own soul, previous to any remarkable
and habitual enlargement in my ministry; and deep hu-
miliation must precede both." I cried for power to
PART VI.]
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MRS. FLETCHER.
redouble prayer. I was afterward much tempted, but
in prayer I saw how perfect a sacrifice Christ had paid
to the Father for all my sins! I at this moment exult
in the thought,
Fully absolv'd through this I am,
From fear and sin, from guilt and shame."
A
August 16. All this last fortnight has been a time of
great trial to me; I think as deep as in the last year.
Every hour presented some part of the awful scene.
few days before the anniversary of my dear love's death,
I waked one morning out of a dream, in some measure
spiritual, but could recollect little of it. I was thinking,
Will the Lord indulge me on that day with such com-
munion with my dear love as he did on the last four-
teenth of August? These words were then applied to
my mind,
"Be in all alike resign'd,
Jesu's was a patient mind."
From which I thought, I would not look for it; I saw
the leading of the Spirit at this time was quiet resigna-
tion. In that posture therefore I have held my soul be-
fore him and on that day I did not find any such com-
munion as on the former anniversary.
:
December 8th. Sally being ill with a bad cough,
which that morning seemed worse, her head also much
affected, and some fever, I asked of the Loid in submis-
sion, her restoration. She scarcely coughed afterward!
Her head was no more affected, and she found herself,
from that time, quite well! This particular answer to
prayer raised much thankfulness in my heart. O Lord
Jesus! I ask in thy name to be made the temple of God
through the Spirit! O Lord, in Jesu's name I ask, do
all thy will!
December 10th. For two days various texts have
dwelt on my mind, relating to suffering; and yesterday an
observation which Mr. Horne made in his sermon was
blest to me, viz. That those virtues were most valuable,
that most prepared us for suffering, because by that we
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were most conformable to our suffering Head. I know
not the cause, but my spirit has all day been much de-
pressed. I am very poorly in body and the sense of
my separation from my precious love seems to enter as
iron into my soul. But blessed be the Lord, it does not
prevent me from following the order of my God.
December 17th. These words were given me, with
some power, “With the Lord is plenteous redemption,
and He shall save Israel from all his sins." I have found
some answers to prayer this week, and my soul is
thirsting and waiting for the fulfilment of this promise.
Lord, show me how I may be most perfectly pleasing
unto thee! Desire increases in my soul; yet there is a
want unsupplied. I long to know how to get into a
full and close communion.
It seems to me, since prayer this afternoon, that there
is but this one way, a looking continually unto Jesus, as
the Israelites to the brazen serpent.
January 10, 1788. And do I see the beginning of
another year! I can still set to my seal, the Lord hears
and answers prayer. O that this year may all be devoted
to thee, my adorable Head.
January 17. I was blest last night in what Mr. Horne
said of his former experience, That "He took those
words, Pru without ceasing, in a literal sense, and strove
every moment to be in the real act of prayer. Soon
after he was brought into so spiritual a frame that
wherever he went, he carried such a sense of the awful
presence of God as cannot be expressed." O my Saviour,
I want more of this! My soul has been kept this day
going out after God; but I want a fulness
not think but it is the will of God to give.
are much on my mind, Let patience have its perfect work.
And, After ye have suffered awhile, He will strengthen,
stablish, settle you. I have strangely seen the hand of
God in all things! Every thing tells me, the hairs of my
head are numbered. Yet I cannot rest till I can more
fully glorify my God. Lord, increase my faith!
which I can-
These words
}
PART VI.] MRS. FLETCHER.
269
January 29. My way is the way of heaviness. There
is a weight of sorrow lies on my spirit; I cannot account
for it. Others have much joy; I have but little. My
dear husband used to express the same thing; but Oh !
I did not then understand him. Had I but now the ad-
vantage of his dear company, how different a use could I
make of it! Then I had him to flee to in every trouble,
and
Cares by dividing were hushed into peace." Now
I remember he used to say, "What others were satisfied
with, he was not.” And really so it is; for I am sure I
have more of God than I had then. And yet I was then
quite satisfied very often ;—and had I kept the presence
of God, as I now do, I should have called it walking in
constant peace. But Oh! I want a clear passage into
the heart of my Beloved! I think I can truly say, " I
wrestle not with flesh and blood," I feel no temptation to
any sin. But I am fiercely attacked with weights of
sorrow, and thoughts that like barbed arrows tear my
heart.
This day I have covenanted afresh with the Lord, to
try what a total abandonment will do. From this day,
(four o'clock in the afternoon, January 29,) I abandon
myself without reserve, delivering up myself into the
hands of God, to the end that He may execute on me
His whole will, whether in the way of justice or mercy.
I will embrace all sufferings of every kind; though I
should see that they are the consequences of my former
sins, or present follies. Yea, I am thine, my Jesus,
save me! If thou wilt not save me, I am lost for ever!
But I will singly trust in Jesus! I will turn to no other
for help. I have long tried what creatures could do,
but all in vain. Now I will renounce all reasonings-
all reflections on my state; and only fix the eye of my
soul on Jesus, always content with what thou givest me,
Lord! though it should only be a bare remembrance of
thy presence, and an alacrity to meet thy will; and this
23 *
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[PART VI.
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Thou dost give. The strongest desire of my soul is,
that Thy will may be done in me.
I
was blest to-day by an observation in a spiritual
writer-Not to come out of abandonment, in the ex-
treme pains through which we pass, is something; but
the not coming out of repose in this abandonment, what-
ever trials we may pass through, in all the rough paths
where we may tread,-this it is which is very precious
in the sight of God."* Again she observes, “Like as
he who is in a ship moves not himself, but leaves him-
self to be moved by the motion of the ship in which he
is; so the heart which is embarked in the divine good
pleasure, ought not have any will of its own, but leave
itself to be carried by the will of God."
February 12. This morning, in my hour of prayer,
I had some sweet glimpses of the all-sufficiency of Christ.
He bore the whole weight of my sins before I had com-
mitted one; yea, before I was in being He made a full,
perfect, and sufficient sacrifice, oblation, and satisfaction,
“for the sins of the whole world." Again, I had a feeling
sense of these words, "He is made of God unto us, wis-
dom, and righteousness, and sanctification, and redemp-
tion." I was led much to cry for a strong and powerful
faith, and for deep humility. I find, on reflection, I love
to be abased, yea, I embrace contempt as with open arms:
but I do not promptly acquiesce, when the trial presents
itself. I rather start back, and only embrace it in the
64
* This high attainment in the divine life may not be easily understood,
as expressed by this " Spiritual Writer." The inspired writers express it
with the utmost plainness and simplicity. It is indeed the being saved from
all self-will, and in consequence, the resting every moment in the will of
God. It is thus only we can rejoice evermore, and in every thing give
thanks." The faith by which we are thus saved can only be sustained by
"praying without ceasing;" as Kempis finely expresses it, "To thee is my
heart without a voice, and my silence speaketh unto thee !" Such is the
victory given by "Christ's dwelling in the heart by faith. Ephesians iii.
17. Ed.
+ We ought to feel a repugnance, yea, “an abhorrence to that which is
evil." But this should be attended with resignation to the Lord. In this
;
PART VI.]
271
MRS. FLETCHER.
second thought.
Therefore, I am not so sunk into Christ
as to be fully a new creature. Lord, grant me this, and
I shall have an incontestable evidence of what thou hast
done!
Feb. 28. Thursday. On Tuesday night, as one was
saying, "I do not desire to look on myself at all, I only
want to look at Jesus Christ, for when I look on myself
I reason." I felt it come with power to my heart, and
ever since I have felt a further lift in faith.
April 3. Last Friday Mr. Wesley came. It was a
time of hurry, but also of profit above any time I ever
had with him before. I could not but discern a great
change. His soul seems far more sunk into God, and
such an unction attends his word, that each sermon
was indeed spirit and life. In preaching on the Trinity,
he observed, it was our duty to believe according to the
word of God; but we were not called to comprehend :
that was impossible. Bring me, said he, a worm that can
comprehend a man, and I will show you a man that can
comprehend God. He observed, that if three candles
were burning in a room, the light was but one.*
Many answers to prayer I found during the season they
were here, and though my body is now too weak for any
hurry, yet all was ordered well, and we were carried
through with tolerable ease, and every opportunity was
blest to my soul.
Yesterday I heard, that dear Mr. Charles Wesley died
on Saturday last! O, how often have we, in years that
are past, taken sweet counsel together! It has left a deep
solemnity on my spirit.
April 11. Last night I felt a peculiar liberty in prayer,
in begging for mercy in behalf of my friends in Switzer-
land. It seems to me it will be answered through my
abhorrence, and in this resignation, "the mind of Christ" principally con-
sists, and they were constantly manifest in the whole of his blessed life and
conduct. Ed.
* O that men were satisfied thus to believe, and wait upon the High
and lofty ONE, that they might comprehend, in its glorious effects, the
doctrine of the sacred THREE! Ed.
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nephew. He grows in grace, and at some seasons appears
to enjoy very deep communion with God. O, how shall
I praise the Lord for his great goodness and abundant
faithfulness to his poor creature!
May 2. I often wish I had more time to attend to my
diary: such wonderful answers to prayer are given to
me, as ought to be recorded.
"Why should the wonders he hath wrought
Be lost in darkness and forgot?"
May 15, Monday. It is amazing how the Lord answers
prayer. I have written letters, (I may say in faith,) about
this preaching-house, and have met with success beyond
all expectation. If we can but get the ground, all will be
well. I do think the whole hundred will be made up
before we strike one stroke. On Saturday evening, con-
sidering these words, "Nothing shall be impossible to
you," I acted faith on the Lord for spiritual blessings,-
for that fulness I long for. I prayed that I might have
the next day a better Sabbath than common, and so it
In the morning meeting I found a further degree
of resignation, and entire confidence in Jesus; and in
that spirit I passed the day, during which I had to
encounter such a variety of incumbrances and trials, as
were quite uncommon. This encouraged me much.
Both Mr. Horne's sermons were blest to me, and the
noon meeting was attended with an extraordinary power.
I find it best to carry every thing to Jesus, and draw all
from him, determined to believe that he who hath under-
taken my cause will not leave his work imperfect.
was.
June 11. For some days I have had a clearer sight of
the perfect Saviour than ever in my life before! I was
much blest in considering the type of the brasen ser-
pent. The following observations, as I read them in a
book which fell into my hands, made a deep impression
on my mind.-First, " It may seem strange, that a ser-
pent should be an emblem of the amiable and dove-like
Redeemer ;—but Moses's serpent was void of poison, and
had no sting, but was only in the form of a serpent. So
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273
MRS. FLETCHER.
'God sent his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh,'
but an utter stranger to the venom of sin. Again, it was
a method of cure solely constituted and appointed of
God. Who could have thought that looking at a dead
serpent, and of brass, could have cured the bite of a
living one! Especially if it be true what some affirm,
that the sight of burnished brass is naturally pernicious
to those who are bitten of serpents, and that to look on
the shape of any venomous creature increases the tor-
ment of the unhappy sufferers who are bitten by them.
So, the method of our recovery by the cross of Christ,
is a device which claims God himself for its divine
author: and thus the whole method of Gospel salvation
is, To them who perish foolishness, but to those who
believe, it is the wisdom of God, and the power of God.'
-Secondly, it was a method of cure that never failed;
being no less sure than strange. Not an Israelite died,
as Moses assures us, who looked at the brazen serpent;
and who were ever confounded that trusted in Christ ?-
Thirdly, it was a method of cure easily put in practice
by an Israelite. If he received his wound in a remote
part of the camp, and was too ill to draw near, yet if he
turned his eye and looked at the serpent lifted up for
him, it was enough; he was healed!-Fourthly, it was
a remedy that might be repeated as often as there was
occasion for it. So 'Christ is the propitiation for our
sins,' to whom we may warrantably have recourse as
often as we are wounded, and in every time of need.—
Fifthly, it was a remedy that proved effectual, though the
sight of the wounded person was ever so weak. So
weak faith is saving in its degree, as well as strong,
because the object is the same.
the same." I had such a clear
view how all our wants were supplied by Jesus as I can-
not express. Yes, He has atoned for all our sins ; He
has "Reconciled us to God while we were yet enemies!"
But we must look to, and trust in him alone; and we
may look every moment. The following day, Sunday,
as also Monday and Tuesday, I had much outward
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exercise, but was carried through all as in the arms of
the Almighty.
July 16. I was this day led to consider the advantage
of living longer, if the Lord should not take me at the
time Sister Ryan's dream seemed to point out, viz. the
beginning of next year.-This subject I set myself to
consider, lest any murmuring thought should present itself
in the disappointment. First, if I should live, it must
be the will of God, and is not his will dear to me? It is
true, I may have much more to suffer, but is not that
suffering the will of God? Perhaps I can serve God's
children, both their souls and bodies;—and did not my
Lord absent himself from the joys of heaven to become
a man of sorrows for me? Nor is it to be despised if I
can thus help my Lord's people by my income. Mr.
Baxter says,
Do good to men's bodies, if you would do
good to their souls. Say not, things corporeal are worth-
less trifles for which the receivers will be never the
better. They are things which nature is easily sensible
of; and sense is the passage to the mind and will. Dost
thou not find what a help it is to thyself to have at any time
ease, or alacrity of body; and what a burden and hin-
derance pains and cares are? Labour then to free others
from such burdens and temptations, and be not regardless
of them." Indeed, I see it a great honour if I am permitted
to sweep the dust from under the feet of the saints. Again,
I believe there is a mansion appointed for each, a state
and employment for which we are to be fitted. It does
not appear I am fitted for the lowest mansion there; but
then I know my Jesus can do the work of a thousand
years in one day, and I know I may, as my righteousness,
claim the Lord my Saviour.
August 5. Last night I had a powerful sense, in my
sleep of the presence of my dear husband. I felt such
sweet communion with his spirit as gave me much peace-
ful feeling. I had for some days thought that I was called
to resist more than I did, that strong and lively remem-
brance of various scenes both of his last sickness, and
PART VI.]
275
MRS. FLETCHER.
many other circumstances, which frequently occurred
with much pain. This thought being present to my mind,
I looked on him. He said with a most sweet smile, "It
is better to forget." What, said I, my dear love, to
forget one another? He replied, with an inexpressible
sweetness, "It is better to forget; it will not be long;
we shall not be parted long; we shall soon meet again."
He then signified, though not in words, that all weights
should be laid aside. His presence continued till I
awoke.
August 15. Last night was the anniversary of my dear
husband's death. Three years I have now passed in
solemn awful widowhood; but, glory be to my God! I
have found it three years of prayer. Never did I know
three years of such suffering, and never did I know three
years of such prayer. Sometimes I have sweet glimpses
of the millenial state brought into my soul. At others
my way seems thorny, and as if I walked wholly by faith,
like my dream of the little star.* Yet I am conscious of
a great change: but I want a more abundant evidence
that not only many, but "all things are become new."
It seemed as if my dear husband remembered the season,
for I had a most particular dream. I thought the side of
his tomb was opened, (I mean the wall on which the iron
plate lies,) and I saw him lying under it, while I lay at
his side. We remained so a considerable time, and I felt
that sweet tranquil composure that I always do when he
seems sensibly present. He then said, with a sweetness
which I cannot describe, "Put thy arm over me and
feel what companions I have; they must be thy com-
panions too." I put my arm and felt bones and broken
coffins, at which nature seemed to shrink, but I did not
speak. He tenderly answered to my thought, "Thou
wilt lay thy head upon me." I felt some regret at the
thought of his being there. He again answered to my
thought, "I entered this habitation with great comfort
and satisfaction.” Then I thought two gentlemen came
* See page 118.
276
[PART VI.
THE LIFE OF
up, and stood by the tomb, and said one to the other,
"It is a pity Mr. Fletcher was laid here, it would have
been better to have carried him to Mr. Ireland's vault.'
My dear love looked on them, and answered, “There
was no need of that. We count it our privilege to be
laid together, and we ought to count it our privilege both
to rise from one spot."
Yet I
August 28. All this week my soul has been drawn out
after that promise, " He shall baptize you with the Holy
Ghost and with fire." Indeed it is a narrow way. I seem
fighting with principalities and powers, but blessed be
God, I do not seem ever to be fighting with sin.
am not at rest: I am not entered into perfect rest. I can
say, “I wrestle not now, but trample on sin ;" but I want
what I have not, and which I firmly believe I shall have.
Yet when I think death is near, I seem almost impatient
for that fulness, that I may begin to live to my God in
the full sense.
January 1, 1789. I feel my soul affected much at the
thought of seeing the beginning of another year. Per-
haps this will be the last with me. May I live each
moment as if I were sure it would be so! Lord, be with
us in renewing our covenant this night! I have for some
time been praying for an enlightened understanding in
divine things; and light has reflected more clearly on the
wonderful work of redemption. These words are sweet
to me, "In the Lord I have righteousness and strength!"
The account I have received of my dear Mrs. Caley's
death is precious. She was not in high rapture, but in
profound tranquillity and peace. Such has been her life,
and such her death. Lord, let me follow her as she has
followed thee !* Nurse Peters also has reached the
* Mrs. Caley, well known in that day in London, was a woman of the
She
most devoted spirit, and of the most elegant and polished manners.
drank deeply of the cup of affliction, but rejoiced evermore in the will of
im
HIM who gave it to her. Mr. Wesley preached her funeral sermon,
London, from Philippians iv. 8. "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are
true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever
things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of
PART VI.]
277
MRS. FLETCHER.
goal. Glory be to thee, my dear Lord, that I had the
honour of sending her that one guinea, and to have her
last message,—that "It helped her to praise Thee more
abundantly." O how many dear friends have I on the
other side the river! And I too am on the wing, only I
wait a little till the Lord renew my spiritual strength-
"Till of my Eden reposses'd
From self and sin I cease.'
January 7. I have been reading over some of my old
diary, and found it much blest to me. It brought to my
mind many past scenes, which increased faith and thank-
fulness; also, it cast a clearer light on my present state.
Comparing my present state with that I felt at Hoxton, 1
can truly say now I not only feel all the purity, all the
spiritual-mindedness, and all the resignation I did then,
but in many things I prefer my present dispensation to
that. Yet my soul is not satisfied, for I see a far greater
salvation before me. In short, it is not the gift, but the
full possession of the Giver, my spirit longs for.
March 6. Last Sunday as I went to the Lord's table,
I renewed my covenant, determining to consider Jesus
more immediately as the husband to whom I am joined
in every sense of the word ;--as he who hath under-
taken all for me. Since that time, I have more particu-
larly found my soul abiding in his presence, and he every
moment carrying on the work of purification. The great
promise of my life, on which he hath made me to hope,
good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on
these things." He declared that he never knew one who thought more
upon this divine assemblage of graces, or with more success. Speaking of
her loving and unwearied efforts to win souls for God, he quoted that
line of Prior-
"Manna was on her tongue, and witchcraft in her eyes."
Nurse Peters was also well known in London. She was a plain good
woman, of admirable sense, and deep experience in religion. It is with
great pleasure that I embrace this opportunity of embalming the memory
of those excellent women by uniting them to that of their admirable
friend. Ed.
24
278
[PART VI.
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is that given me when eighteen, "Thou shalt walk with
me in white," and repeated in these words, "Thou
shalt walk with me in white; I will make thee worthy."
The posture of my soul is that of a poor beggar before
the Lord, holding before him that petition, "Lord, ac-
complish to me the word on which thou hast made me to
hope!"
Wednesday, March 24. Yesterday dear Mr. Wesley
left us in apparent good health. What a miracle is he!
Eighty-six years old, and thus supported! He is going
directly to Ireland, and thinks to visit every society
there this summer. The Lord preserve him, and ac-
complish all his will upon him! As he was speaking on
Monday, on these words, "God has not given to us the
spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound
mind." What an unction attended the word!
O may
we never, never rest till fully restored to that perfect
soundness he described!
April 11. This lent I have found a deep sense of the
sufferings of my Lord. Yesterday, being Good Friday,
we had a solemn meeting at night, but I did not find quite
as much life in speaking as at some times. The men,
(many of them with families,) who are come to work at
the navigation, lay much on my mind. We ought to do
something for their souls. Lord, open the way! O let
them not go without some light at least.
I am
April 27. My soul is all upon a stretch for God.
Last night and this morning, as I was repeating in
I felt
prayer, Thy will be done! my words were lost.
the desire of his adorable will being done so strongly,
that I was forced for some time only to groan.
continually led to offer up my free will to God. I long
to be as mere clay before him. I plead that word on
which he hath made me to hope, “Thou shalt walk with
me in white; I will make thee worthy." Yet faith
hath a strange drawback; something would suggest, that
it only meant, in eternity, and that I should never glorify
him here as I longed to do. Were I to die immediately,
my
PART VI.]
279
MRS. FLETCHER.
this would not be so great a trial; but my health is now
much better. I thought I saw the port, but I seem put
back again; and perhaps I may live some years. And
must I always live at this poor rate? My very heart and
soul seem to groan for a closer communion with my
God! At some moments (I think every day) I feel as it
But in a
were a sweet rest; I seem centred in Jesus.
few minutes it draws in again, and then I seem to be al-
ways believing and longing, but yet without any imme-
diate answer.
It is true, faith does not fail; it is in con-.
stant exercise, and often seems to hope against hope.
But all this I would not mind. Though Naaman was
made whole in seven dips, I would not mind if the Lord
made me dip seventy times seven. But my grief lies
here, I am condemned, often once or twice a day, for
some word, or thought, or action-chiefly in words. In-
deed the condemnation does not seem to be from the
Lord, as if it would come between my soul and him. But
I see I have spoken unadvisedly with my lips, and I can-
not bear the horror of the view. There are some per-
sons with whom I have much business to transact, who
do not see alike, or cordially love one another. In some
things both are right, in others both are wrong. I have
this connexion at present two ways, personally, and by
correspondence, and I find it a hard thing to bear my
testimony against that which is wrong, and to approve
that which is right in both, and yet neither to write nor
speak but exactly so far as truth and love requires. O
that I may from this day see, as in letters of blood, be-
fore my eyes continually those words of the apostle,
"He that offendeth not in tongue, the same is a perfect
man, able also to bridle the whole body." Ah, Lord!
how far am I yet from this perfection!
April 29. I had some liberty in prayer three times
to-day, the most in the three o'clock hour in the room.
I was praying for a clear discovery of the grace or state
I might ask for, and expect. It came before me as a
representation of Christ as the vine, and of my soul as
280
[PART VI.
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being a branch ingrafted therein. Then I saw clearly
that every believer was a branch in him, in part united;
but when the branch is perfectly united, it is absolutely
a part of the vine. The sap runs freely through every
part, it is completely of one nature with it. Then the
mind is in us which was also in Christ. We live no longer,
but Christ liveth in us, and are preserved from moment to
moment by faith. Now if any knot or impediment were
in any of the branches, it would hinder the free circula-
tion of the pure sap through it, and that branch would
wither, and in a degree be barren. Hence I saw sancti-
fication in a clearer light than ever. It is to be perfectly
ingrafted into the vine; to have no impediment remaining
to hinder the flow of the sap, and while the soul thus
abide by faith, it brings forth much fruit, and experi-
mentally knows the meaning of those words of St. John,
"He that abideth in Him sinneth not."
April 30. My soul hath been led to-day to look at the
wondrous love of the Father! "He spared not his own
Son; he so loved the world as to lay on him the iniquity
of us all”—and "shall he not with him freely give us
all things?”
June 4. Satan is striving hard to draw my mind back,
but I have found this day a liberty to commit my whole
cause into the hands of God. I feel a strong encourage-
ment from these words, Every one that asketh receiveth.
I ask in Jesus's name to be made a holy soul! O that all
this day I may be kept, and directed by the Lord, and
walk as in his immediate presence. O for that mind that
was in thee!
June 26. Various providences of late, have more and
more convinced me of the need of a further change. I
have it at times; but something arises that seems selfish ;
and again, like anger for a moment, which though never
abiding, clearly convinces me I have not yet entered
fully into rest. I long to be all devoted to my Lord, and
to bring glory to him by every power,
PART VI.]
MRS. FLETCHER.
281
July 6.
At the class, as I was saying,-It was not any
peculiar or sudden comforts, that so tended to the soul's
sanctification, as a constant abandonment and resignation
of the whole soul, with every concern, into the hand of
Jesus; I felt in a moment such an insight into the love,
faithfulness, and wisdom of Christ, as I cannot describe.
O the security I saw in abandoning my soul to him! It
was for a minute glorious indeed. I kept looking, but it
drew back, as if a curtain was for a moment drawn up,
discovering some glorious scene, and then gradually let
down again. But it has left an increase of confidence.
O could I always feel what I felt just then, it seems to
me it would be a real heaven, and banish all sensibility
of fear and suffering. It was what I never felt before in
that degree.
July 15. I had some liberty in prayer this morning,
as also at the ten o'clock hour. I found a blessing also
in reading Mr. Whitefield's account of the dealings of God
with his soul, written on board the ship in his way to Phi-
ladelphia. He prayed for the humility of Jesus ; and ob-
serves,—“ From my first awakening to the divine life, I
felt a particular hungering and thirsting after the humility
of Jesus Christ. Night and day I prayed to be a parta-
ker of that grace, imagining that the habit of humility
would be instantaneously infused into my soul. But as
Gideon taught the men of Succoth with thorns, so God
taught me humility by the exercise of strong temptation."
I was thus led to consider the point; and though I clearly
discerned the same workings of Providence over myself.
How often have I been led to pray more for humility than
for any other grace, because by nature it is the virtue I
am the most contrary to; but in my deep affliction, I now
discern, this was the Lord's way. There have been
many seasons in which through pride, imprudence, sin of
various kinds, I have brought great humiliations on my-
self;—and even where they are caused by our own sin,
if they are borne with subjection of spirit to the correc-
24 *
282
[PART VI.
THE LIFE OF
tions of God, they work in the end for the salvation of
the soul. But at the season I refer to, that of the death
of my dear husband, although it really seemed I spoke
and acted in an upright spirit, and am now conscious how
tender my heart was with the fear of offending, yet I said
and did many, very many, unwise things, which tended
to lessen me greatly in the eyes of others. O how need-
ful for me to lie still in the hand of God, making it my
only business to accept of every thing as from the Lord's
hand, hanging on that word by faith, Thou shalt walk with
me in white! I am convinced that the most profitable of
all humiliations, are those that arise, through His grace,
from a view of our own blunders, and even from our cor-
ruptions.
September 14. I have been much drawn to pray, that
the great design of the Lord's coming may be answered,
That he may destroy the works of the devil. I see, through
his grace, my understanding is darkened. I ask in Jesus's
name this work to be destroyed;-for by the knowledge
of Christ alone can I be changed into his likeness. I see
Satan raises false fears, false views, and wandering ima-
ginations ;—I ask deliverance from all these!* My soul
lies before the Lord in a waiting posture: in particular
I ask power to consecrate the faculty of speech to the
service of my God, so that I may never again speak an
unadvised word.
September 15. Last Saturday (September 12,) I was
ifty years old. O my God, how little have I gained of
Thee in fifty years! Lord, let this be a jubilee year to
me! I will try what prayer can do.-Lord, give mẹ a
measure of that spirit in which Thou didst spend whole
nights in prayer! Never was I more stript, more empty!
I have no dependence but on Thyself. I long for close
* It is not clear that those great and precious promises, by which we are
made partakers of the divine nature, secure to believers such a deliverance
from these attacks, that they should not trouble them, and, at times, even
agonize the soul. But they secure to them such an abiding in Christ, that
none of those devices should prevail to unsettle their faith, or separate them
from his love. Ed.
PART VI.]
283
MRS. FLETCHER.
communion. My soul pants after it. I have wonderful
answers to prayer! And I feel that my humiliations do
me good. Yet I do not embrace them as I ought to do.
It is perhaps a minute before I rightly enter into the gra-
cious design. When I look to the Lord, all is right;-but
I want such a habitual look, as shall enable me to re-
ceive them as a hungry man does his food! not only to
take up, but to glory in the cross of the Lord Jesus. I
seem to walk much more by faith than by sight. My soul
seems to go out in desire and silent prayer. I am mostly
in the act of crying, Come! But there seems silence on
the side of the Lord! He does not answer by sweet
comforts, only by power over sin, purity of mind in a
good degree; and an almost constant act of sacrifice.*
I love his will, bitter or sweet, but I want him as the
bride in the Canticles, to kiss me with the kisses of his
mouth, for his love is better than wine.
September 16. This morning at the ten o'clock hour,
I had freedom in praying for an entire change. I thought,
-My situation as to outward things, is the most advanta-
geous to a religious life that can be. I have no cares;
indeed I have no need of care. I have plenty of all I can
want. Sally, though a tender child, is one of much abi-
lity; laying herself out to serve and please me in all
things. Matty, my other servant, of a most quiet and
peaceable spirit, and rigidly honest and faithful. Blessed
be God, her soul also comes forward in the divine life.
Reflecting on this; I drew from it the following encou-
ragement :-If I am thus favoured, is it not plain the Lord
designs me to be one of those who are brought into close
fellowship with himself? May I not attain to a fuller
salvation than when involved in all my perplexities? My
heart was encouraged. I thought on those words, " Men
* And was there no divine comfort in all these glorious marks and fruits
of the new creation? There was.-Comfort high as heaven, and which
hell can never imitate! far superior even to those sweet consolations which
are so graciously bestowed on young converts, and which some sincere
souls so greatly need throughout the whole of their pilgrimage. The lambs
that he carries in his bosom. Ed.
284
THE LIFE OF
[PART VI.
ought always to pray and not to faint." Again, "I am
come that they may have life, and that they might have
it more abundantly." My soul longs for this more abund-
ant life. Lord, pour out on me thy light and truth, and
make me, in the complete sense of the word, a new crea-
ture! I was led to think of the familiar manner in which
our Lord conversed with the women and his disciples after
his resurrection. He met them and said, "All hail !""*
(i. e. happiness attend you.) And bid them “tell his
brethren, he would see them in Galilee." Probably on
Mount Tabor, where his glorious transfiguration was
manifested before them: and where they heard the voice
of God, declaring him "the beloved Son whom they
were to hear." They were also commanded to "tell the
vision to no man, till the Son of man should be risen
from the dead.” The thought struck my mind,-per-
haps in this very assembly they were first to tell it! All
this encouraged me greatly.
October 5, Monday. This has been a day of recollec-
tion and prayer, glory be to God! I have had some
views of the great designs of God on his redeemed; how
through the Son, He will form his own bright and glo-
rious image in us. We are appointed to be conformed to
the image of the SON,-and is He not the express image of
the Father? A little glimpse of what the Saviour is, and
will be to me, now and then for some time beamed forth,
and set my soul in a longing posture. Yet it is but like
seeing through the lattice. I long to know, whether what
I see before me, and grasp after, may be attained in this
life, or must I die to prove it? O my divine Director,
my Prophet, speak and tell me! This is all that keeps
me back, not knowing what I may ask, having been so
great a sinner. Something says, I shall not fully enter
into the good land here. To-day I was reading those
* Certainly not the good land of perfect enjoyment; but "the good
land of perfect love," inducing perfect submission, and prompt obedience,
we may enter into this day. See Mr. Wesley's sermon entitled “The
Scripture Way of Salvation." Ed.
*
PART VI.]
285
MRS. FLETCHER.
words "In the last day, Jesus will present himself as
judge, to angels, men, and devils." I asked myself, Do I
embrace with all my soul, Jesus as my judge? My heart
sprang at the thought! Yes, my adorable Judge! I
choose thee with all my powers;-I acquiesce before-
hand in thy sentence, be it what it will: yea, and in all
Thou shalt appoint from this moment to that time!
Many times to-day these words have been my food,
"The Lord God Omnipotent reigneth!"
·
1
Re-
October 6. I was ill most of last night, but was re-
collected, and had a sense of undeserved mercies.
flecting to-day on that point which hath so often hindered
me, viz. Some say, when we have sinned we should wait
for a fresh pardon, a fresh sense of it, before we believe.
I prayed for light, how to walk in my present state, and
the following reflection arose in my mind.-I feel my
will is turned to the Lord. He who knows all things,
knows, I long, I pant, to love him perfectly, and to live
every moment to his praise, with the full exertion of my
powers. But sometimes when I am waiting before God,
it is suggested, I have indulged in the last meal, or, I
have spoken unadvisedly at such a time. These things
have kept me in bondage long. But to-day, I clearly see
my one business is to maintain faith. How is it that the
soul is ever received after any fall? Is it not at last by
believing Christ hath atoned for that sin? Now I feel I
could on the recollection of any stumble, immediately
fly to and weep on the bosom of my Lord.-But that
thought has presented itself, Am I not an Antinomian?
But I will no more take man, but the word of God for
my director. What were my Lord's words to Peter?
"I have prayed for thee that thy faith fail not."
So
then his faith ought not to fail, though he denied his
Lord with oaths and curses! And what a word was that,
when his Lord foretelling his fall, added, "And when
thou art converted, strengthen thy brethren." What
tenderness was showed unto him! He wept bitterly,
but he still claimed his interest in the Saviour, for he
286
[PART VI.
THE LIFE OF
ran to the tomb to seek him. And how did our Lord
wipe away his tears! He was seen of him before any
of the eleven, 1 Corinthians xv. 5. He was the first
preacher at Pentecost. The first messenger to the
Gentiles. An angel must wait on him to bring him out
of prison; and at last, he received the crown of martyr-
dom. Did not Christ on the cross foresee, and die for
all my sins, before I had a being? Did he not pay the
price for all? But it is only mine by believing. Then
if I always believe, does not that word belong to me,
“There is no condemnation to them who are in Christ
Jesus, who walk not after the flesh but after the Spirit."*
It is true, if the will and affections draw back, the soul
will find it hard so to believe as to return to the former
fellowship. And yet there is no way for them but by
believing. The case I mean is,-I see it my privilege
to live always under the atonement; and though I do
wrong, and fall short continually, yet, I may and must
run directly to my God, just as I did with my husband.
If he said, Polly, thou shouldest not have said or done so ;
I asked his forgiveness, and had no fear of his loving me
the less. Nay, usually I found more tenderness when I
acknowledged my fault, than before I fell into it. That
word also came to my mind, "Blessed is the man to
whom the Lord will not impute sin." And again, “If
thou canst believe, all things are possible. He that
believeth is justified from all things."
October 31. These words have made a great impres-
sion on my mind of late, When one of the Scribes asked
our Lord, "What he should do to inherit eternal life ?""
He replied "What readest thou in the law ?” The
Scribe answered, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God,
with all thy heart, and mind, and soul, and strength;
and thy neighbour as thyself." Our Lord replied,
"Thou hast well said, this do, and thou shalt live." I
discerned a fulness in this passage which I never did
* See the note in the 259th page. Ed.
PART VI.]
287
MRS. FLETCHER.
At
before, and all my soul cried for the possession of that
spirit of love, to which this absolute promise of life is
made. Many times I have observed, in prayer, or at
some peculiar seasons in other means, such a spirit of
purity, humility, and love, has overwhelmed my soul, as
is hardly to be expressed. At other times, the divine
glory appeared but dim. I saw at once the cause.
the former times, the soul turned from every interven-
ing object, and sunk into her proper place, discerning
the immense distance betwen a holy God and sinful
self. Then she begins to shine in his brightness. Her
light is come, because The glory of the Lord is risen upon
her. But if she rises out of her deep absorbment, and
lets in self-esteem, what wonder if she then reflects the
odious image of sin, instead of the beauty of the Lord
Jesus. I perceived also, that there is a great difference
between humble thoughts and despairing thoughts. Hum-
ble thoughts, though they may cause much pain by the
horror and detestation which they cause the soul to feel,
yet they exalt the Saviour, and make the soul admire the
justice as well as the mercy of God. But despairing
thoughts, injected by the devil, drive the soul from God,
and represent him as a hard Master, gathering where
he hath not strewed." The faithful soul will find many
such attacks, therefore the safest way is continually to
give up herself to the Lord, crying-Thy will be done!
That is a weapon Satan cannot stand against.
(C
November 12. This day, being the day of our mar-
riage, many painful remembrances would present them-
selves to my mind. Each year I wrote, "We are happier
and happier!" But I feel a great thankfulness, that I
have such an offering to bring to Him who gave up all for
me! Yes, I praise thee, my Lord, that thou hast done
thine own will, and not mine! At ten I took my hour
before the Lord, and felt some power afresh to dedicate
myself to Jesus,-entering into a marriage covenant with
him. A light shone on my soul to discern how the hus-
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band hath undertaken the whole cause of the wife, and I
saw both body and soul safe in his hands. I then entreated
my adorable Husband to take all the freedom of my will
into his own hand ;—and, as we say to the surgeon, bind
me, (for an operation,) so I entreated my Lord to conform
me to himself in any way that He pleased:-only that
He should be glorified. A thought again presented itself,
-What if in eternity it be His will that I should neither
know nor have any communion with my dear husband?
I was enabled to answer, Lord, thy glory is all in all to
me! I felt that he should choose for me.
And I was
enabled to give up soul, body, life, death, time, and eter-
nity to Him, and covenanted to live on His will alone!
And henceforward I will consider this day as my wedding-
day with the Lord, holding my dear husband in him,
whose soul I know will have joy in heaven upon every
nearer approach which I make to his Saviour, and my
Saviour! His all, and my all!
November 14. After I had spent some time in prayer
this morning, I felt an increasing freedom in imploring
that the whole mind of Christ might be brought into my
soul. Those words are much in my thoughts, "Be ye
not afraid, neither doubt, for God is your guide," 2 Es-
dras xvi. 75. Lord, increase my confidence! I saw how
impossible it was to have union where there was not simi-
litude; and my cry was, Fulfil that word, O Lord, on
which thou hast made me to hope! Make me clean
through thy word! and present me to Thyself without spot!
Afterward, reading the Life of Ignatius Loyala, and
especially what pains he took, and what labour he went.
through to gain souls, I could not but be struck at the
glaring difference between him and me. One day, having
taken a step he believed to be his duty, but which caused
him both pain and ignominy,-and being rebuked by a
friend, he replied, "I should not object to traverse all
the streets of Paris barefoot, with horns on my head, and
clothed in the most ridiculous habit, could it but gain one
PART VI.]
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MRS. FLETCHER.
'soul to God."*
The conviction immediately struck me,
that all I wanted was to be filled with the love of God,
and that would produce every effect in its proper order.
Lord, let my incessant cry be for this! O give me this
most excellent gift of charity!
January 7, 1790. And now another year is gone, and
I am so much nearer eternity! Yes, my faithful Saviour!
I will rejoice in the thought, because thou art faithful,
and I do believe for the fulfilment of all thy promises :
they are yea and amen in Thee, on whom I rely. I believe
I shall walk with thee in white! O carry on thy work! I
long to be just what my God pleases.
In the last month I have had a peculiar experience. I
was often tempted to think, that the deadness I felt to all
earthly things, might be produced by my great affliction
on account of my dear husband's death and I was some-
times damped by that thought in my ardour of praise.
But a few weeks ago, I was permitted to feel all the
temptations I ever felt, except resentment, and I was
conscious I could fall into the same desires of comfort on
earth from which I had been so long delivered. My soul
was grieved exceedingly, yet, strange! I seemed nearer
to God than before! I was amazed, but these words
came to my mind, "Know that from Jesus alone is your
salvation." I cried to the Lord that he would graciously
prove it by removing the temptation, and so it proved.
Glory be to my complete Saviour! It is now like a dream,
but I know and feel the divine reality.
I seem to be surrounded with blessings, and see such
à care of the Almighty over all that concerns me, as I
cannot express. Sally had been very ill, but raised again
in answer to prayer as by miracle. My house is a sweet
rest, and "
a secret place in the wilderness to hide me
in." Many storms are without, but none can touch me.
I seem hid from all the evils of which my letters inform
* Pious Protestants well know how to appreciate this. True piety
is of no sect: it is truly catholic. Ed.
25
290
[PART VI.
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me. I have peace within, resting in hope; and peace
in all my borders. I have communion with my friends
above, and none below can harm or injure me. As to
temporal things,-I inherit now, (and have done some
years,) the fulness of that promise, given to me in my
deep poverty-"Thou shalt be the head and not the
tail: Thou shalt lend and not borrow." It is amazing
how many I can help, both by lending and giving, and
when I made up my book this last Christmas, I was sur-
prised to see on how little we had kept the house, and
how large was the poor's account ;* yet a little is always
left to go on with. He does bless my bread and my
water. I want for nothing. I live better than I think I
need, and yet, according to the promise, I have always
plenty of silver.
January 13. Two days ago a gentleman and his wife
came to see me from a considerable distance. He told
me that for two years he had walked in the full liberty of
the sons of God. But for the last eight years he had
been in the darkness of unbelief. I was led to speak
freely on the way of faith; and mentioned an instance I
had lately heard of a good woman, who when in prayer,
her eyes being shut, had a sight of paradise, where she
saw our Lord as sitting in the midst of the glorified spirits.
There proceeded from him such beams of purity, light,
and glory, as penetrated them till they were all irradiated,
and shone with his glory. She saw also the same glory
stream down on the saints below, and they, in the same
manner, keeping their eyes on the Lord, were divinely
changed. But when any of them turned away their eyes,
they received his beams no longer. The same glory
still shone round them, but they complained of being
barren and dry, and that they could get no answers to
prayer. I observed, that I thought this was his case. If
we keep faith in exercise, we shall and must receive, for
we may have of God, what we will take of him. As I
* In an account for one year, I find the whole expense of her wearing
Ed.
apparel amounted to a trifle more than two pounds.
PART VI.]
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MRS. FLETCHER.
spake, I said in my heart, if this is the truth as it is in
Jesus, Lord, set to thy seal! And so he did, for the power
of God came down on the gentleman, and constrained
him to cry out, O, now I feel it again! I feel the power
of God go through me! When I came into this room,
my heart was as hard and as heavy as if the whole
world lay on it. But now it is all gone, and I feel the
power of God penetrate my whole frame. His wife also
was much affected, and I trust the blessing will abide.
January 25. A dream which was told me the other
day by S. Colley was blest to me. She thought she was
surrounded with dangers, but looking up, she saw a large
eye always fixed on her, which much encouraged her
faith in an overruling providence. Then she thought
she got into a river, and began to sink. It was very
deep and clear, and she was much afraid; but looking
down, she saw this great eye underneath her, which
caused such a faith to spring up in her soul, that she laid
herself down on the water with as much comfort and ease
as if upon her bed. She felt she could not sink with the
power of the Almighty underneath her.
January 27. My soul was yesterday and this day
much drawn out in prayer. Those words are often
before me, "None knoweth the Father but the Son, and
he to whom the Son is pleased to reveal him.”
I long for this revelation. I feel it is, in its fulness,
the thing I want. Thus only St. Paul's prayer can be
answered. Ephesians iii. 14-21. O for this revelation
of thy love! I wait for it moment by moment. And
thou sayest, They shall not be ashamed who wait for
Thee!" I wait for the salvation "which shall be brought
in at the revelation of Jesus Christ."
:
February 11. The seventh of this month, (on which
was our quarterly meeting,) I found it a good day. My
soul saw the way of faith, and felt a degree of that liberty
which from believing flows. At our class on Tuesday
night, we agreed to unite our prayers the ensuing week
for power over imaginations, (2 Cor. x. 5.) especially
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[PART VI,
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during the time of prayer, and blessed be God I find
some answer.
February 26, Friday. I have found this a comfortable
day. While talking with Brother T. the way of faith
was more and more beautiful in my eyes. In prayer I
had a sweet discovery of the depth contained in those
words-"Whatsoever things ye ask in prayer, believe
that ye receive them, and ye shall have them." Yester-
day I proved that truth. I asked in the name, and in
the right of my Lord, that his will might be done without
interruption in me all day; and that I might be kept and
taught in every word and action, and enabled to abide
as in the presence of God. And though I had no sensible
joy, yet I found the power of God keeping me, and
approving me, each moment since that time. I have
been poorly in body, but I so see the hand of God in
all, that I seem like a little babe held in the arms of its
mother. As Brother T. was speaking, I saw the way of
enjoying pure love clearer than ever. O, wherefore
did I ever doubt? According as I believe, so it is!
Surely of late the Lord is increasing my faith, and teach-
ing me anew to walk with himself. Mr. T. observed,
that "God brought his children through different dis-
pensations, sometimes of sorrow, sometimes of joy.-
That it was our part to trust him in all, believing all
would be right in its season; and equally accepting
either correction or comfort. God knew what he was
about to do with Job, and Job had only to lie still under
the hand of God; for a time was coming in which God
would surely lift him up. He had no need to plead his
own cause, for he was safe in God's hand, who was then
making him a spectacle of glory before angels and devils;
though to man he appeared very different."
June 26, Saturday.-I am much led this morning to
pray for a resigned will, to stand to the beck of my Lord
with a ready mind.-Yes, he shall do with me and mine
as seems to him good. Company in the house is a great
cross; they consume much time, and the serving tables
PART VI.]
293
MRS. FLETCHER.
seems to clash with my Sabbath employment. But in
this also, thou, my Lord, shalt dispose and direct only
give me a watchful mind, and then set me to entertain
all the strangers thou pleasest. I know not what blessed
angels may come with them as their attendants, and I will
keep to my old motto,—
"O that my Lord would count me meet
To wash his dear disciples' feet!
After my lowly Lord to go,
And wait upon his saints below;
Enjoy the grace to angels given,
And serve the royal heirs of heaven !"
But I see there needs a determination to be singular.
Some professors, when they have company in the house,
sit chatting with them all day. This I must not do. It
was one of the first lessons God taught me, to keep to
my rules of retirement; to do my business, as to writing,
visiting the sick, meeting the classes, &c. leaving them to
their freedom, and taking mine. One part of my work
must not overturn another.
O that I
August 14. What have I seen within these five years!
This day five years my beloved was on his death-bed.
But how is it with me now? I answer, and from the
ground of my heart, "It is well."-I have nothing to do
but to praise! I love him at this moment as much as
ever I did in my life; but I love the will of God still
better. Yes, I adore thee, my almighty Saviour, that
thou hast done thine own will, and not mine! And that
my dearest love has been five years in glory.
might be permitted to feel a little of what he
lost and swallowed up in Thee! Lord, are we not one
"The head of the woman is the man, as the head of the
man is Christ;" and "whom God hath joined together
none can put assunder." Adam and Eve were never
intended to be separated, and shall sin so overturn thy
original design, as that it cannot be restored by the
Saviour? Surely, no! As thou hast taken away the
sting of sin, so thou hast taken away the smart of separa
now is,-
25 *
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tion. We are yet one; and shall I not feel a communi-
cation from thyself passing through that channel? Lord,
make me spiritually minded! "meet to partake of the
inheritance of the saints in light.”
August 24. My soul is much stirred up by the
thought that I have lost time more than any one that has
really walked in the ways of the Lord. It seems to me
that I begin to see a fulness in the word of God,-such a
depth in the promises, that I have been looking hitherto
only for the first principles of Christianity.-O for that
baptism of the Spirit! That sanctifying grace! It seems
as if I wanted the Lord to come and take away the last
breath of nature's life! I see a great deal in these words,
"The kingdom of heaven is at hand." The kingdom of
abiding "righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy
Ghost." Surely that is "the kingdom of heaven," of
which our Lord said, That the least member of it " was
greater than John the Baptist." Lord, bring me into
that liberty! I ask it in the name of my Saviour and
Advocate.
Last night I prayed that I might not have so disturbed
a night as I have found of late, but that the Lord would
keep away those hurrying dreams which often disturb
the quiet repose of my spirit. And it was so; I found
a difference. About the middle of the night I saw my
dear husband before me. We ran into each other's arms.
I wished to ask him several questions concerning holiness,
and the degree to be expected here, &c. But I found
something like a dark cloud on my memory, so that I said
in myself, I cannot frame the question I would ask; I am
not permitted. At length I asked, My dear, do you not
visit me sometimes? He answered, Many times a
day." But, said I, Do not " principalities and powers"
strive to hinder you from communing with me? He said,
"There is something in that." And does their opposi
tion cause you to suffer in coming to me? He answered,
"There is not much in that." But do you know every
material thing that occurs to me? "Yes." And may I
PART VI.]
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MRS. FLETCHER.
always know that thou art near me, when I am in trouble,
or pain, or danger? He paused, and said faintly, "Why,
yes;" then added, "but it is as well for thee not to know
it, for thy reliance must not be upon me" He mention-
ed also some in glory who remembered me,—and said,
"Mr. Hey is with us also, he bid me tell thee so, and by
that thou mayest know that it is I that speak to thee."
Mr. Hey died a short time before, very happy in the
Lord.
September 14th. As I was in prayer about ten to-
day, a thought came into my mind. God is incomprehen-
sible; but we are called to walk by faith, therefore I am
to believe what I cannot comprehend. And O, what
sweet condescension did I see in that stupendous good-
ness! He took our nature that we might be able to form
some conception of him. He stooped to me, to lift me
“God so loved us as not to spare his own
Son. Then will he not with him freely give us all
things?" I see clearly, it is the infinite desire of the
blessed Triune God to communicate himself to the
creature.-Ah! why is it then I do not enjoy more
of him?
up to himself.
September 17. I was much struck with the compari-
son of the sun drawing up the vapour, and purifying it
as it draws. As I was walking to the Lloyds I thought
much on it, and said in my mind-how shall I know, and
coincide with this attraction? Immmediately it came to
my mind, by that word, "Thy will be done ;" by this
resignation we instantly enter into the attraction, whatever
state we were in before,* and by a simple look to Jesus,
a waiting on the Spirit to do its office on us, we continue
therein. Lord, give me so to wait every moment! I
was comforted in my visits yesterday morning, and again
to-day. Glory be to God, souls come forward, and I have
been enabled to walk about more this summer than for a
long time. Lord, make me to be as a leaf to the wind
*But the call to "Repent and believe the Gospel" must be first obeyed.
El.
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before thee! ready to obey all thy will.-Great liberty
and power I have found for some months, both in public
and private meetings. O, what a favour to be permitted
to speak a word in thy name!
September 22. I was thinking to-day, What is sin? It
is a turning out of the presence of God, and departing
from union with him; drawing back from the attraction.†
While that is kept up, no sin is imputed. Many blun-
ders may be made; but while the heart keeps attached
to Jesus, cleaving to him by faith, these words stand
good, "There is no condemnation to those who are in
Christ Jesus." The will being still fastened to his cross,
all that is wanting is a closer attention to the Spirit.
Then these blunders would be rectified. My one con-
cern must be to keep in this presence of God, lying be-
fore him as clay, and he will do all his will in me.
September 30. I have found it on my mind some
time, that something more should be done for the souls
in the lower part of the town. We have had preaching
there, and prayer-meetings, and yet they seem all dead
and cold. Sally thought of several persons, and we got
the names of twenty-eight families. We both laid it be-
fore the Lord, considering that our good class, which
meets on the Tuesday night, were all raised at first by
inviting them to a meeting. We proposed to do the same
with these. But Sally did not feel freedom to meet
them. At night, in prayer, the Lord laid it on my mind
to take this meeting also. Therefore she and I set out
in faith, determining to call on as many as my strength
would reach. We saw much of the Lord all the way.
I have got a promise from all we have asked, which is
fifteen. We visited many more, but did not see the time
come to ask them. We have many still to go to. I
have appointed ten o'clock on Tuesday morning for this
*St. John tells us, Sin is the transgression of the law; the law writ-
ten in the heart," or recorded in the word. But Mrs. Fletcher evidently
In
means, How does sin revive in those believers who were dead to sin?
this view of the question, the remarks that follow may be profitable. Ed.
PART VI.]
297
MRS. FLETCHER.
new meeting. The Lord pour his blessing upon it! I
was pleased to find some old ones, on whom my dear
husband had spent much labour, seemingly without
fruit, now begin to feel, and they attend the public meet-
ings.
October 8. The following observation was blest to
me as I read it this day, “There is among men here on
earth an almost infinite diversity of gifts, talents, know-
ledge, inclinations, &c. The scale of humanity rises
through innumerable steps, from the brute man to the
thinking man. The progression will continue no doubt
in the life to come, and will preserve the same essential
relations or in other words, the progress which we
shall make here in knowledge and virtue, will determine
the point from whence we shall begin our progress in
the other life, or the place we shall there occupy."*
What a powerful motive to excite us to grow continually
in knowledge and love! The Judge of all will render to
each according to his works; according to the use he
hath made of his talents; and to him who hath, shall be
given. It follows that the degree of perfection acquired
in this life, will determine in the life to come the degree
of happiness or glory which each individual shall enjoy.
Certainly, the degrees of glory will be as various as the
degrees of holiness has been; and therefore we have the
clearest reason to suppose there will be an eternal ad-
vance from one degree of perfection to another. One
degree of acquired holiness will lead to another. And
because the distance between created beings, and the
uncreated Being, is infinite, they will tend continually
towards supreme perfection; though without ever ar-
riving at it.
November 12 My soul has for some days been in a
particular exercise.-But I was enabled not to regard the
* This may be admitted, if the blood of Christ have previously removed
Ed.
all guilt.
>
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violent suggestions of the enemy. I strove to pass over,
or through the thoughts, as they presented themselves,
and took refuge in the Lord. O, how important it is not
to give into one thought! The least turn of the eye of
the mind, may be sufficient to let in the tempter. It has
been an amazing trial! Truly we wrestle with princi-
palities and powers! In the midst of it the Lord said, I
have redeemed thee, thou art mine! Sometimes it seemed
as if I had lost all strength. I could not feel condemna-
tion, and yet I would fain have condemned myself, for I
hardly knew what thoughts were my own, and what
were injected. But, strange to say, during this season,
though I almost trembled to speak for God, my words
seemed to be attended with more than common profit
to others! Lord, awake the spiritual powers of my soul!
This day I have been renewing my solemn dedication to
the Lord. On this day I took my dear husband, now in
glory! And I will ever consider it as my day of mar-
riage with the Lord.
January 1, 1891. Last night I found much desire
that I might awake so as to devote the first breath of the
new year to the Lord; and I found it in some measure.
Between five and six I got up, and read the Psalms for
the day, but did not find any thing particular, except
"Salvation
that word, which has remained on my mind,
belongeth unto the Lord, and his blessing is on his peo-
ple!" My soul is waiting on him, and my expectation is
alone from him.
April 20. The posture of my soul is, I still wait in
full reliance that the Lord will do his whole will upon me.
Souls come forward, and it seems as if every one grows
faster than I do. I am much pained that I do not feel
more under the means. It seems as if the word preached
had a more powerful effect on others than on me. Lord,
why is this? Reading is to me the greatest of means,
except private prayer. I think the Lord is giving me to
see myself in a clearer light than ever.
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MRS. FLETCHER.
July 13. Mr. Valton's* visit I have found blest to me.
His word came with power; and while we were talking
together of faith, I felt my soul refreshed. O, how
clearly could I see the way for him! and that all his
trials arose from his not believing more; from his not
claiming the privilege of his state. Just then I saw clearly
for myself also. O my Lord, let thy light ever abide!
God is faithful to do for us all we trust him for. Well,
I trust to be kept from all sin; from all departure from
God; and I find it is to me according to my faith.
Last night at the intercession I was not able to speak
one word, having such a hoarseness as I never had in
my life before. I once attempted to pray, but could not,
so I was silent all the rest of the time. I looked on the
congregation, who were all expecting me to speak to
them, and could not even say, I love and pray for you.
And it may be, the Lord is about to take this power from
me. My eyes fail; my hand is weak with a rheumatic
pain, and I can write but little. My feet fail; I can now
walk but a short way. My breath is short, and if my
voice be also taken, then I have no more to do, but to
care for my own soul and others in silence. Well, I
am quite content, and am as willing to be silent as to
speak. O thy dear will, my Lord, let it be done for ever!
July 15. Reading Mr. Valton's experience, I was
yesterday much struck to see the difference between him
and me, and my soul has this morning received a fresh
conviction to offer up every thought in a deeper manner
than I have ever done. Lord, thou art faithful to keep
that which is committed unto thee. I here commit my
every thought, with all the powers of my imagination.
Lord, keep them in one constant going out after thee !
August 11. This has been a very solemn week to
me. It was six years last Friday since my dear love
This year, each scene falling on the
began to be ill.
* A travelling preacher, and a member of the Methodist Conference;
now with God. Ed
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same day of the week, as well as the year, brings all
afresh before me. Last Sunday was the awful day in
which he took his last leave of his church and people,
and began to die in their immediate service! It was our
quarterly meeting at the Wood. I was in full exercise
all day, and felt my spirit deeply resigned, and a good
deal drawn out in the Lord's work, though it was a suf-
fering time. Each day I have passed through every
scene, and had some calls to take up other crosses, and
to be much employed for the Lord. I feel he sustains
me, and gives me to say and feel, Thy will be done!
Last Lord's day I felt a stirring up in my soul, with an
encouraging hope, that I should yet be brought into a
closer walk with God than ever. Yesterday was a day
of more than common recollection. I seemed to bear in
mind the nearness of Jesus, and felt all good come from
him. I find we have nothing to do but keep uniting our
mind to him by faith and love; and if we keep the tree of
life, we shall be sure to have each fruit in its season.
August 17. Last Sabbath was the day which closed
the sixth year of my dear love's inheritance in glory. I
had many outward calls all day in the work of God, and
found support and comfort therein.
"What cannot resignation do?
It wonders can perform!
That powerful charm—Thy will be done!
It lays the loudest storm."
November 15. It is a great cross, this change in our
ministry. Mr. H. going away, now we were so settled,
is a trial. Lord, undertake for us, and order in the way
thou pleasest. Only let me do as my dear husband ever
did, sink under every humiliation and cross, and rise by
all nearer to Thee! I long to be more abundantly the
temple of the Holy Ghost.-I feel it is a narrow way. But
O, keep me ever under the atoning blood. I cast me
thereon, I rest alone on Thee!
I shall now make a few observations.. First, I must
observe, I have been led all the way through my pilgrim-
PART VI.]
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MRS. FLETCHER.
[
age by an exercise of faith, in a very particular manner.
Two great promises have been given to me, on which the
Lord hath made me to hope. One, in which spiritual
and temporal blessings are united; and the other relating
wholly to spiritual things. The first was sealed on my
heart, in a time of particular trial, at Layton-stone,
" If
thou return to the Almighty, thou shalt be built up; thou
shalt put away iniquity far from thy tabernacles. Then
shalt thou lay up gold as the dust, and the gold of Ophir
as the stones of the brook; yea, the Almighty shall be
thy defence, and thou shalt have plenty of silver. Thou
shalt decree a thing, and it shall be established unto thee ;
and the light shall shine on thy way." This promise hath
supported me through the rough path in which I was
called to walk. But the words of the apostle, impressed
on my mind when I was seventeen years old, viz. “If
she have lodged strangers; if she have brought up chil-
dren; if she have washed the saints' feet; and diligently
followed after every good work"-the Lord has enabled
ine also to attend to. After all my wanderings, I am re-
turned to the Almighty; and he hath built me up. Iniquity,
glory be to God! is put far from my tabernacles. My be-
loved nephew is brought to the Lord. My family are
pious and upright; nor have I any thing to lament under
my roof, as displeasing to God. My prayers seem to have
free access to the throne, and the speedy answers amaze
me! I wished for a large commodious place for the peo-
ple to meet in, as their number greatly increases, and
though it seemed impossible, it is now accomplished. I
wished for an hundred pounds to build a meeting-house at
the Bank, remembering how much my dear husband de-
sired it. Laying it before the Lord, that word was again
applied, "Thou shalt decree a thing, and it shall be esta-
blished unto you; and the light shall shine on your ways."
I subscribed thirty pounds, and have now the whole sum
I
ready before the ground is prepared to build it on.
desire nothing, in earth or heaven, but for the glory of
26
302
[PART VI.
THE LIFE OF
God. I feel the Almighty is my defence, and to confirm
my faith in spiritual things by temporal, he does give me
great plenty of silver.
The other great promise of my life was,- -"Thou shalt
walk with me in white; I will make thee worthy." Lord,
how far is that accomplished? O! shine on thy poor
creature, and let me clearly discern and make known the
work of thy hand! Thou art the author of all good.
That salvation I experienced at Hoxton, was certainly
a drop from the living fountain,—but I had not then a full
discovery of sin. Since that time, O what a depth of ini-
quity, what huge mountains of ingratitude, have I mourned
over! I once thought I could not set down on a level
with the greatest outward sinners. In repeating those
lines,
“O might I as the harlot lie,
At those dear feet transfixed for me!"
I have stopped and thought,-I fear I am not right. I
cannot feel myself the chief of sinners. I cannot repent
of the sins which (through preventing grace) I have not
committed. But, alas! the sight I have had of inbred
sin; the base departure of my heart, from a close walk
with God; and the depth of self and pride I have there
discovered, is in my eyes more dreadful than outward
transgression. I have sometimes looked on those sin-
ners universally despised by men, and felt in my heart
that I preferred them to myself, while the depth of " that
carnal mind which is enmity against God," struggled for
the mastery. In these conflicts of soul, how often have
I thought, If I did but know there was as great a sinner
as myself before the throne, who nevertheless had been
here filled with the fulness of God, after all that they had
felt and done, it would bring a heaven into my breast!
How often have I wept over those words,
"If so poor a worm as I
May to thy great glory live."
PART VI.]
303
MRS. FLETCHER.
I feared, though the Lord was gracious, that I must not
look to be saved, except as by fire: and that I should
never bring that honour to God which my soul desired.
But now, glory be to God! that fear is done away.
I seem
to have forgot myself! I am wholly taken up with Jesus!
The more I look at him, the more my faith increases.
He applies to my heart these words, "The sin of Jacob
shall be sought for, and there shall be none; and the
iniquity of Israel, and it shall not be found." He hath
shown me the way to rise above the mountains of inbred
sin. He has enabled me in hope to believe against hope,
and so come nearer to our great pattern,
"the father
of the faithful, who staggered not at the promises, but
was strong in faith giving glory to God!* He is the au-
thor and the finisher of my faith!" Yes, He will make
us worthy, I sink into nothing, and look at the Lord my
righteousness, and I feel those believing views are trans-
forming views; and the more entirely I abandon myself
into his hands, the more permanent is my peace.
I now praise the Lord, "that where sin hath abounded,
grace doth much more abound.” The clear light I have
into the mysteries of redeeming love, causes my strains
of praise to run the higher. Yes, they shall love him
most who have most forgiven! I do not know that I ever
feel my will and affections depart from him. I feel a
childlike simplicity; and a purity which, it seems to me,
my very outward person must express. Yet, I am always
committing blunders, and even showing roughness; when
really there is nothing but love. I used to feel just the
contrary. I used to strive to act as a Christian; but it
was a constraint; and though by the power of God I kept
within the line, yet it was not free and natural. Now I
often feel, If I could be turned inside out, I should bring
more glory to God than I do. But that there still should
be these blemishes in my deportment, deeply humbles
me, and for inward and outward defects I cry,
* O that all who feel their spirit oppressed in beholding these mountains,
would take this way! How soon would they all sink into a plain! Ed.
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[PART VI.
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"Every moment, Lord, I need
The merit of thy death?"
One day lamenting before the Lord that I did not în
my conversation more adorn the truth ;-it was brought
to my mind, that gold must be kept in the fire, till puri-
fied from all dross, and that even then it would be liable
to be sullied. For that, however, a rub would suffice.
This was very different from the purification it needed
at first. I must ever be ashamed before Him! And if
any one ignorantly ascribes any thing to me, it gives me a
pain I cannot express. Yet I think that word is more
exemplified in me now than when I was at Hoxton,
(though I then used the same expression in a lower
meaning) "I live not, but Christ liveth in me." I now
however discern such a vastness therein, that I am con-
strained to cry out,
"A point my good, a drop my store,
Eager I thirst, I pant for more !"
I am not led to speak much of my state I am more
drawn to a quiet waiting on Jesus; but on this occasion,
I feel a call from the Lord to give my last testimony to
"I am poor
his faithfulness. I sit at my Saviour's feet.
and needy, but the Lord careth for me!" Therefore “L
am not afraid for any evil tidings, for my heart standeth
fast, believing in the Lord." I think I discern the near
approach of dissolution, and am daily made sensible of
decay.* But swelled legs, short breath, and other mor-
bid symptoms, give me no dreary prospect. The will and
order of God is my choice, in whatsoever way it mani-
fests itself. Sometimes it is suggested, that I shall be
called to endure great conflicts in death, both outward
and inward. Well, I have no care about it. Once I
wished to be able to express some joy in death, in order
to encourage those I leave behind. But now I see things
*
*How true is that word, Life is yours, and death is yours—all shall
be ordered for your good! She lived twenty-four years after this time.
Ed.
PART VI.]
305
MRS. FLETCHER.
in a different light. My life hath been a life of backslid-
ings and unfaithfulness. I know not therefore what
kind of death will bring most instruction to others, and
most glory to God. All is in His hand, and all my pray-
ers are lost in this, "Father, thy will be done." I feel
a bleeding wound from the loss of that dearest and best
of men.
But I am conscious he is not dead! No; He
that “believeth in Jesus, shall never die." And the will
of God is so dear to me. I rejoice it is done though
against my tenderest feelings. He is wise, and I kiss the
rod. I admire and adore! I have communion with my
dearest love before the throne! He waits for,-he beck-
ons me away! I rest in the will of God! And at this
moment
Not one wave of sorrow rolls
Across my peaceful breast.
LOVE!
I have found of late much comfort in those words.
INFINITE WISDOM! INFINITE POWER: INFINITE
O my God! thy infinite wisdom swallows up all my
choice! Thy infinite power forbids my fear! And thy
infinite love makes all my own!
And now I know this day in my heart and in my soul;
that "not one of the good things hath failed me, of all
the Lord my God hath spoken !" Therefore looking for
salvation and victory alone " through the blood of the
Lamb, and the word of our testimony." I conclude
with Simeon's words, "Lord, now lettest thou thy ser-
vant depart in peace, for mine eyes have seen thy
salvation.
END OF THE SIXTH PART.
26*
PART THE SEVENTH.
t
Extracts from her Journal.
WE have now gone on with Mrs. Fletcher, from the
time when in early youth, she obeyed that call of God,.
Come ye out from among them, and be ye seperate,
saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I
will receive you, and be a Father to you, and ye shall be
my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty."-We
have seen her, like the great father of the faithful, “go
forth, and follow the Lord, not knowing whither she
went." We have seen her pass through the wilderness
of cares, and fears, and sorrows, "leaning upon her be-
loved;" not forgetting, however, his warning voice,
"remember Lot's wife." We have beheld her wading
through the depths of self-knowledge, made manifest by
the law, and the painful process of which is so strikingly
displayed in the seventh chapter of the epistle to the
Romans. We have travailed with her in birth, while she
groaned, oppressed with the "carnal mind," yet, thank-
ing God, and not despairing of deliverance, "through
Jesus Christ our Lord." We have anticipated the vic-
tory, while she "
encouraged herself in the Lord her
God." We have seen her struggle, not in vain, till the
opening heaven, displayed in the eighth chapter of that
glorious epistle, claimed and received her whole heart!
We have seen this divine process continue, without any
of those unscriptural abstractions, or subterfuges, which
have obscured or deformed" the work of the Spirit," in
other devoted souls. What remains, but to see if she
carried her blessings through the trials of her remaining
years?—If she maintained the same undeviating path?
-If she held fast simplicity and love in all her inter-
course with her fellow-creatures ?-If she continued
PART VII. THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER.
30%
"
to "deny herself daily, and take up her cross ?"
-If she persevered to the end of her race, "trusting in
the Lord, doing good unto all, and especially to the
household of faith." An extract from her journals, which
are very copious, will furnish us with a clear, and, we
hope, not a tiresome answer to these very important
questions. Ed..
January 1, 1792. This has been a solemn day. At
the sacrament I gave myself afresh to the Lord. At
night we renewed our covenant ;-My soul strove for a
perfect dedication. It is the last time, I suppose, that
Mr. and Mrs. Horne will be with us on this occasion,
which added to the solemnity.*
0!
Friday 6. A day of solemn prayer in many parts of
it.-Yet much temptation and distraction at others.
how does my soul long for the full union. I feel a fixed
reliance on Jesus, and an increasing desire after him.
"O, tell me, thou whom my soul loveth, where thou
makest thy flock to rest at noon!" I long after thy meri-
dian brightness. This day ten years I came first to
Madely, and my dear husband led me through the house.
We prayed together, and gave ourselves up into the
hands of the Lord. What have I seen since that time!
Well, blessed be the Lord, I am nearer to Him, and
more free to serve God, both inwardly and outwardly,
than I was that night. But, I want to be a meet partaker
with my dear, dear, holy husband now in light! I want to
feel a fuller degree of the spirit in which he lives! Lord,
thou hast said, "Whom God hath joined together, let no
man put asunder.' Are we not still ONE? Thou know-
est, O Lord, our union was far more in the spirit than in
the flesh; and
"
"Can death's interposing tide,
Spirits one in Thee divide?"
7
* Mr. Horne, curate of Madely, was then preparing to go to Sierra
Leone, as chaplain to that settlement. Ed..
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[PART VII.
THE LIFE OF
Surely no. O then make me
ance of the saints in light!"
a partaker of the inherit-
7th. Received to-day a striking conviction how care-
ful I ought to be not to expose the fault or infirmity of
any one. I want so to love my neighbours, as to feel
all their concerns as tenderly as if they were my own.
When I err in the least from this, I feel the Lord's re-
buke.
12th. A day of recollection. I prayed last night,
that I might not offend with my tongue all the day. I
knew I should be exposed to some hurrying circum-
stances, and I pleaded in faith, that there might not come
one word out of my mouth, that I could have a sorrow-
ful thought for. And, blessed be His holy name, I have
found a constant sense of a divine monitor, warning and
keeping me the whole day. Yes, thou hast answered my
prayer, glory be to thee, O Lord! I have this day also
found a sweet idea of Christ's condescending love, and
gentle manner, in reproving his disciples. And is not
his heart the same in heaven?. Yes, it is!
same yesterday, to-day, and for ever."
pity and bear with me! Yes, his blood hath
"Jesus protects; my fears be gone!
Who can the rock of ages move?
Within thine arms I lay me down,
Thine everlasting arms of love!"
"He is the
Then he does
atoned for all,
25th. Last Saturday Mr. Horne and his family set out
from our house for Sierra Leone, the place of his mission.
in Africa. For three weeks we have been a good deal
taken up in helping them to prepare for this great un-
dertaking. I found much of the approval of God in all
we had to do, and a delight in the thought, that so poor a
worm can in the least contribute towards what appears so
much for the glory of God. The next day was solemn.
Mr. Gilpin kindly assisted us, and encouraged us to be-
lieve we should not suffer for what we had given up in
obedience to God's order. His sermon was attended with
unction. In the afternoon he was obliged to leave us
:
PART VII.]
309
MRS. FLETCHER.
and return to his own congregation. I had a meeting in
our room, as there was no service in the church. There
was a weight on my spirit. I now missed my dear hus-
band. Our being without a minister may cause many
disagreeable things; and I alone feel the burden. Here
is no Mr. Horne, thought I, to consult with. However,
we had a very sweet time! The Lord was present in a
more than common manner. I felt liberty and freedom
to speak, but we were greatly crowded. Numbers went
away for want of room, at which I was grieved. Lord,
direct us in all our ways!
There is a good spirit in our people; they feel the
loss of their minister, and yet seem resigned to the will
of God.
March 4. Since the above, I have passed through
various scenes.
Our room being too small for the Sun-
day congregation, I thought it a call to go to the Dale,
and believed the badness of the roads were not to hinder.
But the Lord has been pleased to visit me with illness,
and has quite confined me to my room. I found much
peace in the divine appointment. One day the doctor
told me he thought my case very bad; and I had reason
to believe I was very near my Father's house. I felt all
my soul acquiesce in the divine disposal; and though I
had no particular joy, but rather darts from the enemy,
nevertheless. I felt my soul lie down as it were on the
will of God, as on a soft pillow. Soon after it appeared,
I should for a time be better.-All was still right. O the
blessing of having a God to trust to !
I am now again enabled to attend the meetings, and I
find an increasing power and freedom; but we are still
without a minister, which causes many difficulties. Every
day, and almost every hour, things occur to make me feel
afresh the want of that shepherd who so naturally cared
for our souls, and so tenderly led this flock for such a
number of years. But I feel a pleasure in the cross.-
It is a favour, a great favour, to suffer any thing for my
God. A new ministry has something awful. Should it
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[PART VII.
THE LIFE OF
1
be carnal, what a pain will it be to me to see my dear's
pulpit so occupied! Should he be a spiritual man, yet
perhaps he will not agree with the Methodist preachers,
and that will cause dissentions, a thing unknown at Madely
as yet. But in all I stand still, determined to be well
pleased with all that the Lord provides. Should there
be a disagreement, I must bear the weight on both sides.
O thou great Shepherd and Bishop of souls, I hang on
thee! I hide me in the cleft of thy side, and as it were,
wrap me in Thy will! Crosses are very profitable. I
have one foot in the grave, and often but a rough path.
It reminded me of a dream I had when about twenty-
three, before my soul had lost that liberty it got at Hoxton.
I thought I was looking through my breast at my heart,
and it appeared very smooth and white. Presently I saw
the finger of a hand with something like the blade of a
penknife. It began to scrape; immediately all was
rough and brown, till after a time I saw one spot like
white velvet. Then it was spoken to me, You must
endure that circumcising knife till the whole is like that
spot! There was a great change at that time, and a real
renewal as far as it went. But when afterward the keen
and close knife was laid to, all appeared rough. O, let
me endure till thy whole will is done! O, the perfect
atonement! Yes, the blood of Christ cleanseth from all
sin! When a room is dark, let in the sun, and it is light!
Yet there is no light from the room, it is all in the sun.
So the soul uniting itself to Christ by faith, is made pure
by that union, and kept pure by the continuance of it.
As I was pleading that word to-day, "In this is my
Father glorified, that ye bring forth much fruit,--I
thought, it is only union with Christ that can make me
fruitful. I had a glimpse of that union, and saw it was
all free gift. Therefore I may ask and have the fulness
of the Spirit! Hallelujah!
June 22.
What cause have I to trust in the Lord!
On May 31st, Mr. Walter came to reside. Nearly five
months I had the cross of being without a minister, but
FART VII.]
311
MRS. FLETCHER.
now the Lord hath provided one who, I trust, will prove
a man after his own heart. I have only to stand still and
see his salvation in all, and my spirit finds rest in so doing.
I have of late had some very comfortable seasons in
speaking to the people, and much of the presence of God.
I have had a dream, from which I derived some profit.
I seemed to be assaulted by Satan. Immediately I saw a
Man at a distance partly covered with a cloud. He
seemed to take no notice of me for a long time; at last
he came up to me. As he drew near, Satan fell back.
The Man laid his hand on my arm, and said, "Be strong."
On which I felt a strength go through me I cannot
describe. He then returned to the same spot, and seemed
to take no more notice of me. After a time the enemy
came again, and struggled hard with me. I often looked
towards the Man, but he appeared to take no notice.
When my strength was almost gone, I raised my left hand
and weakly put it against the enemy, saying, The Lord
Jesus bruise thee beneath my feet from this time for ever!
upon which he fell flat to the ground. The Man behind
the cloud then said, "Do you hear that? Do you all
witness it?" To which a great number of voices, as in
a musical note, answered-We do! we do! we do!
They seemed above me, around me, and on every side!
And their voices were so loud the sound awoke me.
seemed to point out to me two great truths.-First, That
at those times when the Lord appears not to answer as
my soul could wish, I am still to see him as looking upon
me, and equally trust him when he does or does not
speak. Secondly, That we are continually in the sight
of the eternal world. Indeed this I always knew; but
I felt it more deeply impressed. I seem peculiarly con-
scious of the presence of the heavenly host, and would
act, think, and speak, with the deepest reverence.
It
August 16, Thursday. On Tuesday last was the anni-
versary of my dear husband's death. Seven years have
passed since that awful scene. Seven years has he been in
glory! And I a poor mournful widow walking below
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[PART VII.
THE LIFE OF
through my pilgrimage alone. But what mercies have I
seen in those seven years! O, had I at first known I
should have staid so long here, it would have looked
very sad. But I feel more and more we are to live the
present moment, and I find help and strength is given for
every hour. It was a solemn but good day to me. My
husband seemed unspeakably dear and near to me; but
the love of the will of God kept me all day above every
painful feeling.
September 12. This summer I have been much called
to speak in the name of the Lord, and such a way has
been made for me, as to weather, and conveyance, and
various circumstances, that it fully convinced me I have
no need of care. O, how sweet is that command, "Cast
thy burden upon the Lord, and he will sustain thee!" I
do not know also that ever I felt such help and liberty
from the Lord in all my life, as I have done in speaking
this year, both winter and summer, at home and abroad.
It is a cross to the flesh, but glory be to Thee, thy light
doth shine on my ways!
This day I am 53 years old. O that I may from this
day begin a new life! Once more we are free from
company; and I am led to give myself more abundantly
to private prayer. Since we have been alone, a deep
conviction has rested on my mind of the shortness of
time, and how little longer I may retain any degree of
health. Therefore I determined to seek for an increase
of the Spirit to unite me more to himself, as he sees
I seem to be threatened
good, so I may but glorify him.
with a cancer, and rather seemed to shrink at the pros-
pect. But it may be the answer of my own prayer; and
I still say, Only make me holy!
October 4. I was led this morning to offer up my
whole self to God. First, my body, for any suffering he
saw good. I leave it all to him. If any means are to be
used, I believe the Lord will himself direct what shall be
done. Secondly, my reputation,-To be esteemed or
despised. Thirdly, my substance, to be continued or
part VII.]
313
MRS. FLETCHER.
withheld. Fourthly, My soul. I commit it altogether
to the Lord. He knows I want to be fully saved; and I
will consider it as my one business. Lord, get thyself
glory upon me! The other morning I was awaked by
those words powerfully impressed,
"O glorious seat, thou God our King,
Shalt thither bring our willing feet!"
Last night those words were precious, "With favour
will I encompass them as with a shield." My spirit
seems to long for a closer communion. I have thought
on those words,--" If any man love me he will keep my
words, and my Father will love him, and we will come
unto him, and make our abode with him.” I see I must
apply myself more to "do the will of God," watching
each word and thought, and taking up every cross with
cheerfulness.
October 12. I have been reading over with deep at-
tention, the Life of Mr. David Brainerd. O, what a
deep searching book have I found it! Many times be-
fore have I read it through, but never so entered into the
spirit of it as now. He observes, It was always his hea-
ven to do the will of God, from his first conviction; and
he could never rest, but in doing something for the Lord,
even when death was upon him! Lord, make me to be
of that mind! To have our happiness in doing and suf-
fering the will of God, is indeed the strongest assurance
the soul can have of future glory. For, can any thing
separate God's will from Himself? Neither life nor
death can then divide the soul from his eternal presence.
Glory be to God, I feel some little measure of this spirit.
My delight is, that the Lord reigneth, and my rest is in
his will. As I was thinking the other day, perhaps I
be called to have the cancer cut out of my breast,
perhaps out of both, as there is pain in the other,-
and formed the idea of the handkerchief tied over my
eyes, and my arms bound to the chair. As I was offering
myself up to the will of God, I felt those words applied,
may
27
314
[PART VII.
THE LIFE OF
“ I am ready not only to be bound, but to die for the Lord
Jesus."
On Monday morning I had a peculiar sweetness on my
spirit in meeting the people; and at night I read and
spoke from the 21st of Matthew. It was a good time, and
some souls were blest. On the Tuesday, being our in-
tercession, I do not know when I have found such liber-
ty. The Lord was very present, and a deep solemnity
rested on the congregation; some of whom have
since told me, the Lord wrought much on them that night.
Blessed be God, he still gives me to bear his message to
the people. O that my little remaining strength and time
may all be devoted to him. Yet I have of late been much
tried with such a stupor upon me in the morning, that I
cannot rise till near seven o'clock. This pains me much.
Lord, make me more active in thy work! I have since
observed some answer to prayer, with regard to rising in
the morning: Lord give me to persevere !
November 1. The Lord give me to abound in charity as
to the outward act; but where is the difficulty of being so,
when the Lord hath made my cup to run over?
? If ever
my charity was great, it was when I had little, expect-
ing a prison for myself, while I was helping others. Yet
at that time I am not sure it was cheerfully done ;-a ne-
cessity seemed laid upon me. But now, though I give
much, and am much employed for the poor, yet I fear I
do not save all I might for them out of what is spent on
my worthless self. How has the Lord appeared for me!
Another's grace, another's wisdom, another's manage-
ment!-My father's and husband's money all devoted to
service! all gathered together to serve me!
my
these thoughts came rolling over my mind, those words
presented themselves, "When I sent you without purse
or scrip, lacked ye any thing? And they said, Nothing."
November 13, Tuesday. Yesterday concluded eleven
years since my dear husband and I were made one.
was a solemn day to me. I strove to renew my mar-
riage covenant with the Lord; but it was a day of
While
It
PART VII.]
315
MRS. FLETCHER,
gloom; I had no near access.-Much of it was em-
ployed among the people, as Monday usually is. In
the morning meeting I had some liberty, and more at
night, while reading and speaking on the 12th of the
Hebrews.
"6
December 1. I was much encouraged in consider-
ing, that it is the office of Jesus to Baptize with the v
Holy Ghost." How is it we so to neglect to look for
the fulfilment of that office of our Lord! Did he not say,
“He that believeth on me, out of his belly shall flow rivers
of living water. And this he spake of the Spirit,"
which they who believe on him were to receive.
This gift of the Holy Ghost is therefore the very thing
believers are to look for. No matter what they call
it, a clean heart, salvation from evil tempers, purity,
or what they will,-it makes no difference. There is a
baptism of the Spirit for believers to receive, and which
I have had a taste of; but I want the fulness. The
Lord is faithful,-it shall come. Yes, I see it, I come
near it, I feel a touch of it while writing; yet my faith
wants a further lift. Lord, it must be all thy own
doing?
December 2. I was talking yesterday with one who
told me many were much alarmed about the nation.-
That inflammatory papers were throwing about among
the army, and it is feared they will raise among them
such a spirit as reigns in those of France. I was led to
consider that and various other things, which appeared
to me as signs of the times. At night I felt much liberty
in pleading for our good King, and that God would restrain
the evil ones, who are striving to raise a spirit of ingrati-
tude and rebellion in our nation. I felt comfort in my old
word," The Lord reigneth!"
December 11. This has been on the whole a good
day. I cannot say I have found so much liberty in the
fimes of family prayer as I usually have; but in the five
times of my private approaches to the Lord, I think I
have each time had a greater degree of it,
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[PART VII.
THE LIFE OF
M
December 16, Sunday. My spirit pants after God!
O Lord, glorify thyself upon me; this is what I long for,
and pray for. I seem like a poor beggar waiting at
mercy's door; oft full of hope, and then again the door
seems shut. I want the spirit of prayer. I want also a
more self-denying spirit. Last night I dreamed my dear
husband wrote a line for me to read. I took up the
paper with desire, and read-" Those who closely follow
Jesus Christ, can discern the mark of the thorn in his
steps." As soon as I was dressed I lighted a candle, and
opened the Bible to read, when I cast my eyes on those
words, "Seeing Christ hath suffered in the flesh, arm
yourselves also with the same mind." I see it. If I
would walk with Christ, I must know my path by that
very mark, a constant death to my own will. Lord, show
me how to walk thus! Give me a steady power to rise
the very moment the alarm goes off. To watch against
sloth all day, and to use more abstemiousness in my food.
I believe this would be good both for soul and body;
and I have asked it of the Lord, that Sally may see it in
the right light, and not fret and be unhappy when I do
not take what she thinks I ought. This is oft a mighty
hinderance to me in little mortifications which I would use.
I am quite clear I have no right to hurt my body. I am
not, I think, in any danger of that. But often self-denial
promotes health. I hope to begin to-morrow,-
which we had set apart to pray for the nation, and for
the children on whom the Lord had begun to work.
I propose to keep a watch over my appetite each day,
and this indeed the Lord hath already given me; but
to this I would add, a shadow (for I cannot call it more,)
of a fast, twice a week. On Mondays and Fridays I
would omit butter in the morning, eating dry bread, and
as usual rosemary tea without sugar. For dinner water
gruel, with salt and pepper, and as on other days, tea
for my supper.-This cannot hurt my health, and may
be a kind of remembrancer, that there is such a duty as
self-denial.
day
PART VII.]
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MRS. FLETCHER.
February 9, 1793. The watch-night, the last evening
of the year, and the intercession, the first of this year,
were both favoured with much of the presence of God,
and some souls were a good deal stirred up. Blessed be
the Lord, the work does not cease. How melancholy
did our situation appear when Mr. Horne was called
away! But we are comfortably provided for in a minis-
ter. O, how good it is to stand still, and commit all
our ways to God! This day my spirit has been waiting
on the Lord, and enabled to keep in his presence.
March 20. This morning I felt a power to ask, That
I might be kept from grieving the Holy Spirit all the
day. I knew there would be much hurry and many
distractions. Glory be to my God! I found Jesus a
sweet refuge, and a freedom from all confusion or hurry
of thought all the day. The presence of the Lord keeps
all in peace. This day I have experienced afresh the
fulfilment of my former promise of having plenty of silver.
Among other things I have had some singular opportu-
nities of helping the church, and the poor, each in small
portions. Oh! how can I praise the Lord sufficiently
for such an indulgence! What numbers of his dear
children am I enabled to assist! Bless the Lord, O my
soul, and all that is within me bless his holy name!
March 26. This morning having some painful thoughts
respecting the cancer, I carried them to the Lord. A
sweet calm came over my spirit. I could freely offer
up
all to God. He knows, if I saw my way clear, I am
While
ready every hour to submit to the operation.
I waited in calm and peaceful resignation, that word
occurred to my mind, "Can there be evil in the city,
and the Lord hath not done it?" I said, No! it is all in
his hand. It can rise no higher than he pleases. I
thought also, If my dear husband was with me, and had
power over the complaint, should I be under any con-
cern about it? I answered, No, I should not. My
tender partner would direct and help me through all.
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Well, said my heart, my heavenly Bridegroom is more
powerful, more loving, more present, than the dearest
human friend can be. I have nothing to do but stand still,
and he will instruct me in the way I should go. I have
his own promise, all shall work together for my good.
Even my mistake, if I am under one respecting this
disease, all shall be for good. I am alone, and have none
to direct me. Therefore I give up all to my Lord! and
as we order for an infant, so will he order all for me.
Whatever is His choice is mine.
April 1. Yesterday being Easter Sunday, I felt a
desire to give up all my concerns into the hands of God,
by a fresh dedication of myself to him at his table. I
was much troubled the night before with a suggestion,
That I ought to have the cancer cut out, and that I should
see it so by and by. I ventured to pray that if it were
the will of God that I should stand still and wait on
Him, He would give me a peculiar blessing on the
morrow. My prayer was graciously heard. So com-
fortable a Sabbath I have not had for years. I gave up
soul and body into the Lord's hand, with a firm con-
fidence, that he would order for me, as a tender husband
for a wife; and when I went to the table I was enabled
to consider it as the seal of our mutual covenant, and
my faith has ever since found an increase. The marks
of death seem to be upon me, and they are a great
blessing! I seem continually called to offer myself up
as in martyrdom; and so many sweet promises came
before me, assuring me of the tender care of my Lord,
that I sometimes think never was a creature so safe and
so happy.
April 4. Reflecting this morning on the various ways
in which different persons express themselves concerning
sanctification, or what is called Christian perfection, I
was led to think,-May it not be thus expressed, I feel
a degree of faith which continually unites me to God,
through the atoning blood. "I abide in Christ," through
whom I am always accepted, and I feel nothing contrary
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MRS. FLETCHER.
to love. Yea, I am far from what I ought to be; and I
obey with joy my Lord's admonition, "When ye have
done all, say, I am an unprofitable servant." Being
taken into Christ, as a drop of water into the ocean, I
lose myself in him, and find in him my all, for time and
for eternity! Now a measure of this state I do feel;
and I feel strong drawings to expect a clearer fellowship,
-a throwing open the everlasting doors of my soul, and
a more powerful entrance of the King of glory!
Saturday, 6. I went this morning to see a sick family
lately come into the town, and ill of a putrid fever,
of which the father died. O, how dark did I find all
those who were recovered! The various places I called
at yielded little satisfaction, till we came to D. The
girl was just on the point of marriage with a pious young
man, and every way to her advantage. But instead of
this, she is now brought to death's door by a painful and
dangerous disorder. She told me she did not find her
inclination at all to this world; that she had much rather
die than live. She added, “How good is the Lord in
all he does! The apothecary gives me bitter medi-
cines to do me good, and I love him for it, though he
may mistake and do me harm. But God cannot mistake,
and shall I not love Him? O, He keeps my mind so
quiet, I can leave all unto Him. Sometimes I have great
temptations, and reason whether I have not brought it
all on myself, by taking too hard a place." I observed,
But you went there believing it to be for the best?
Yes, (she replied) and the Lord soon comforts me
again, if such thoughts come.
"The other night I dreamed I was dead. I thought I
was looking down on this bed, and said, There is the
spot on which my crown was brightened, and I have not
had one pain too much; and so I shall say when I get to
glory." Her words were exceedingly animating to me.
When she first met with me among the children, I always
observed her deep attention. O, how she has grown in
grace!
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May 14. The first Sunday of this month I was at the
Dale. We had a crowded house; but I felt such liberty,
both of mind and voice, as I but seldom remember to
have had. I spoke near an hour from that word, "They
shall ask their way to Zion, with their faces thitherward."
In the last meeting we had great liberty, blessed be the
Lord! On Monday night I found also uncommon free-
dom at our home meeting, and the congregation was very
large. Tuesday's class was also good; but from that
time I have been laid up with pains in my head, face,
and all-over me, attended with a slight fever. During
this season I have been led to consider what numerous
mercies I am surrounded with! My cup runs over.
Though I have not that near access to my God I long for,
yet I do feel such safety, such confidence in his love,
that I am, in the midst of all, enabled still to say and feel,
"One only care my soul shall know,
Father, all thy commands to do."
Finding
July 1. Last night a man called, whose daughter lies
in this infectious fever which has carried off so many.
He said, she desired to see Sally, as she was much dis-
tressed in her soul, and it was too far off for me to go
there. Sally asked me what she should do?
her own mind quite free to it as the call of God, I felt it
come near, for she is my greatest consolation, next to
God, and useful as a right-hand. I looked up, and felt
the power of these words,
of these words, "The hairs of your head are
all numbered.” I said in my heart, If the Lord should
have appointed to take her from me by this mean, shall I
say to him, What doest thou? No, I will cling to that
word, Thy will be done on earth, as it is done in
heaven." It was suggested, you lost your husband by a
putrid fever; perhaps Sally may be taken also by it,
But shall I refuse her devoting her life to the glory of
God? Shall I hold back the dearest thing I have upon
earth from Jesus, who gave himself for me? My soul
cried out, No, my Lord, my Saviour, no! I offer up
CC
PART VII.]
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MRS. FLETCHER.
every Isaac to thy will. She went, and found the woman
under a concern for her soul. All consequences I leave
to my God.
I am amazed how free my mind is from care! Those
things which used to burden me, are now as nothing. I
have learned to stand still, and Jesus, my adorable Sa-
viour, takes care of all.
Yes,
August 14. This has been a solemn day. And is it
indeed eight years since my dearest husband went to
glory? What a night was that to me! I was at this
hour waiting at his bedside, with my eyes immoveably
fixed upon his dear, calm, peaceful, dying countenance.
I have this day gone through the scene; but glory be to
God, in a different manner than when we seemed on the
point of separation. Yea, already parted, for he could
not show any sensibility towards me. But this day it has
been constantly on my mind, as if we thought and did all
together. Yes, thou dear spirit, well didst thou say to
me in that dream, "I. am not dead, I live!"
thou dost live; and I have no doubt hast helped me this
day to feel an uncommon peace, such as I sometimes
have felt when dreaming, and having, in a peculiar man-
ner, a sense of the presence of heavenly spirits. There
are seasons when the mind joining itself to the Lord, and
abiding in that posture, feels a kind of anticipation of the
blissful union enjoyed in the realms of light, and has com-
munion, more or less sensible, with the spirits before the
throne. Some faint touches of this I have felt this day.
At my first waking in the morning, my soul cried to the
Lord, that it might be indeed a day of consecration and
dedication of all my powers to that God, whose I am,
and whom I desire perfectly to serve.
December 21. My soul has for some days been in a
peculiar exercise. O Lord, keep me from every snare,
and never let me be drawn into any thing but according
to thy will! I wish to help souls, and to obey thy order;
but in so doing it is hard to avoid many things disagree-
able. Lord, give me a fuller plunge into thyself, that-
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my conversation may be always in heaven! And the
desire to please, or fear of contempt, remove far from
O for a single eye, fixed alone on God!
me!
The lump in my breast is removed, in a wonderful
manner in answer to prayer! I could not find freedom
to use any of the things I was advised to, only the goose-
grass juice, a quarter of a pint twice a day. After some
months the upper lump became less, and is now quite
gone, as far as I can perceive! nor do I find now any
pain in either. Glory be to God!
May 7, 1794. I had some encouragement in prayer
last night and this morning; and I was lead to plead that
my soul might be filled with the Spirit, that my tongue,
being touched with the fire of heavenly love, might be
enabled to plead the cause of truth, in a different manner
to that which it now doth.
We have been encouraged in seeing some souls
brought in. G. M. for whom we have long waited,
sometimes with hope, sometimes with fear, has now
found the Lord most clearly. O what a change does
grace make! She is indeed a new creature; and her
mouth is open in His praise who hath brought her out of
darkness into his marvellous light.
June 4. What answers to prayer have I seen of late!
My gracious Lord seems to count each hair indeed.
When I was at the Dale again last Sunday, he gave such
a liberty in speaking as I have seldom experienced. The
congregation was very large. As I entered the chapel,
the heat was almost ready to beat me back. When I had
got through to my seat, the sun lay on it, and there were
but a few small openings to admit air. One of these is
by my seat, but I observed no air come in that way. It
appeared as if my voice must be lost with the heat.
looked to the Lord, and said, My Father, turn the air
this way, if thou seest good! The time being come,
began giving out the hymn, and forgot my prayer. But
as I was just ready to faint, such a fine breath of fresh
air came in as quite revived me. Then I recollected
I
Part VII.]
323
MKS. FLETCHER.
what I had asked. The next two lines which I had to
give out were,
"For our Shepherd and King,
Cares much for his sheep."
O how my heart went with the words, and set to its seal
that they were true! Contrary to what is usual with me,
I was an hour and three quarters. My strength held out,
and the dear people, though violently crowded, stood like
wax-work; and many wished the service had been longer.
An affair which perplexed my mind, I find quite remo-
ved by prayer. I can do nothing but in that way. O
my Lord, did ever a soul feel more of that word, Without
me ye can do nothing? But I wait for a revelation of Je-
sus Christ in my soul more full and strong than I ever had.
June 10. While I was this morning speaking to a back-
slider, I had such a sight of the narrow way, as greatly
animated my soul. I see there is no way to keep life
and communion with God, but by strictly adhering to the
words of St. Paul, "I am determined to know nothing
among you, but Jesus Christ, and him crucified.” There
must be a shutting the door of the soul against any thing
else; not only sin, but any care or meddling with what
we are not called to attend unto.
August 1. I feel my health decline. This very hot
summer affects me exceedingly. My legs swell greatly,
I
unless constantly bound with many yards of flannel.
Yet I am ena-
am very weak, and my breath very short.
bled to keep all my meetings both abroad and at home,
and have found the Lord much with me all the summer
in this respect. He gives me out strength for my day.
Some remarkable providences have happened lately. I
think them worth preserving. A short time since a man
and his wife, who lived near some of our good brethren,
were by them oft invited to the preaching, that has been
lately established in that place; but they turned it off,
saying, they had something better to do. When the
Bridgenorth races came on, they were preparing to go.
!
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THE LIFE OF
R. W. then reminded them of their plea against hearing
the word, that " They must mind their work, and had
something better to do." But the man said, they were
determined to go, and have two good days there. In the
first day he got so heated that on the second he came
home in a fever, and died the day following! How little
did he think, when setting off for the races, that he had
not three days to live!
Another awful judgment was as follows.-A young man
was working with Brother Williams in the Forge.-He
swore in a dreadful manner. Williams reproved him,
urging the destruction such a conduct would bring upon
him. He turned all into ridicule,-saying, He was a
match for the devil. Presently after, he went to the ale-
house and got drunk. He then got into a wagon which
was going his way. As he sat on the side, he fell back-
wards, and was taken up dead! O, the little day of life,
how eminently precious!
August 14. Nine years this day my dear love has
been in glory! But I have seen much of mercy in this
time, and have learned more abundantly to trust in the
Lord. All convinces me, in a deeper and deeper man-
ner, of that truth, All my ways are in his hand, and he
directs my paths. Though my dear husband seems as
dear to me as ever, yet I can praise the Lord for full
resignation. Reflecting the other day on the manner I
was affected at the awful season of his death, I could not
but see in it cause of praise. Though his life or death
was the closest thing under the heaven to me, yet each
day and hour of that most solemn week, I could never
once ask his life, without adding,-Thy will, Thy will be
done!
August 22. I grow very poorly in body. My taber-
nacle seems taking down. I feel an almost constant fever,
with great confusion and dizziness in my head. I can
scarcely do any business; and the writing a letter seems
to affect me strangely. In this state I have been some
months, so that the least exertion wearies me, and gives
Part VII.]
325
MRS. FLETCHER.
me pain all over.
Yet when the hour of meeting, whe-
ther of people or children, comes, I am enabled to get
through the duty, and sometimes with uncommon power!
Glory be to God! My nights also are very restless, yet
I get some sleep, and am not in any violent pain. My
Lord does all things well.
September 12. This day, if my dear husband had
lived, he would have been sixty-five years old, and I am
fifty-five. I have lived more than half a century. Lord,
to what purpose? I know the Lord is still graciously
working in my soul. I feel a more constant going out
after God. My spiritual senses seem more awake :—and
yet I never found it harder to pray when on my knees!
The resistance of principalities and powers, I have been
made particularly acquainted with. Indeed it is a narrow
way. With regard to outward things, I see nothing but
mercy,-miracles of mercy! Every thing appears so in
the hand of God as I cannot express. Even the smallest
occurrence on my affairs seems directed of God! I wished,
or rather thought, if the room could be enlarged, it would
be a blessing. And now, on account of the church being
taken down, the wardens, in order to accommodate the
parish, are enlarging it, for the Sunday service to be
there. By this means, the meeting will be enlarged
without any expense to me.*
September 30. I found this morning, while at prayer
with the family, and with the work-people who were
taking up the potatoes, that the Lord was present. I felt
him so.
At the time of morning prayer in private, I had
also an unusual liberty. I then had a foreign letter to
write, in which I sensibly felt the help of my gracious
Lord. He rendered some things easy which were in
themselves difficult. O Jesus, thou art made unto us wisdom!
It appears to me, and experience confirms it, that it is
peculiarly pleasing to the Lord, that we should look up to
* Henry the Fourth of France, used to say to his great and faithful mi-
nister, "Sully, mind my business, and I will mind yours." Ed.
28
326
[PART VII.
THE LIFE OF
Him for help in the least things as freely as the greatest.
He who numbers every hair, will lead us as a child is led
by its mother, and carried in her arms over every diffi-
cult path.
December 5. My soul has been much drawn out
lately, to ask a close walk with God; more brokenness of
heart, and a clearer sight of my utter helplessness. I
have found this week, that several souls have been blest.
I seem the only dry fleece. The Lord has been pleased
that I should suffer some humiliations, which always do
me good; yet he is much with me in speaking in his name.
This morning, as we were rising, Sally told me what a
sweet dream she had in the night. She thought she was
meeting the people, and while at prayer, she was so over-
whelmed with the power of God, and had such a sense
of the Divine Trinity entering into, and purifying her soul,
that she said in her heart, This is the baptism of the Spirit
which hath purified my heart from all sin! And such a
light shone in her soul, as seemed to bear a clear witness
thereto. She thought, I will tell the people, that they
may glorify God. Immediately it was suggested, No
stay till you have got through the trials which are before
you. She answered, No; I will glorify him now; and ir
earnestly pressing the people to seek the same liberty
she awoke. I can never enough bless and praise the
Lord for the great favour he hath done me in this dea
young woman. She is niece to my honoured friend
Mrs. Ryan; and truly, she partakes of her spirit, and he
whole soul seems to be engaged in the work. This ha
been a day of recollection. I have felt my want, and fol
lowed after God; and, I think, have found in some sense
cach thought brought into subjection unto Christ.
December 24. Many mercies have I seen of late
Some circumstances of expense occurred, and immedi
ately some increase of necessitous objects followed.
felt this to be a weight. When Sally, or myself, visite
the poor, and beheld great straits, we were sometime
constrained to withhold help, because my calculatio
PART VII.]
327
MRS. FLETCHER.
would not allow it, though I had cut off what expense
I could, according to my best light. This I therefore laid
before the Lord, and felt thoroughly content, either to
help or not, as should be most for his glory. In a few
days I received a letter from my brother, with a proposal
so to dispose of a part of my money, as was likely to raise
me several additional pounds this year. One called also
and promised the payment of five guineas, which I had
quite given up for lost. In a variety of little incidents, I
have discerned such a guiding hand of Providence, as
hourly confirms the truth of that word, "The hairs of
your head are all numbered."
us.
April 7th, 1795. Glory be to God! He hath been
working on some souls of late; and I see a spirit of
mighty prayer poured on one in particular. Yet it
seems as if Satan was striving to bring hinderances among
Some things I fear will cause offence, in particular
this child, whom the Lord hath certainly blest in a won-
derful manner. Lord, keep out all wrong spirits, I be-
seech thee! I know the wisdom of man cannot compre-
hend thy work; but let no real enthusiasm enter!
Keep us steady and firm, resting only on the sure
foundation.
Some days ago I called on Mrs. Yate.*-We had a
close and comfortable conversation. She told me she
had for some months had a very sweet and solid rest ;
and all her words in the class had expressed the same.
She had been long very poorly, but she had strove to
bear up under it without complaint. She now felt her
strength fail, and had an almost continual pain in her right
side. Her peace, however, continued, and she could
leave all to the Lord. She further observed,—That she
had for some time found such a full sense of the all-suffi-
ciency of God, as she could not express. Shortly after,
*Mrs. Yate was daughter of the late Nathanael Gilbert, Esq. Speaker
of the House of Assembly in the Island of Antigua. He was an intimate
friend of Mr. Wesley, and the first preacher of the Gospel to the Negroes
in the West Indies. He endured that cross, despising the shame. Ed.
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[PART VII.
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as she was one night lying awake, she felt a powerful
application of that word, "Cast thy burden on the Lord,
and he will sustain thee." In a day or two more, she
was confined to her bed, the fever strong, the pain in
her side severe, and oft forced to rise in the bed to
breathe. In this situation she has been several nights
and this morning, she has been confirming to me what
she had already observed,-That the Lord kept her
every moment. I have (said she) never found a shadow
of impatience.-1 can neither eat nor sleep, but I have
no desire for either. My strength goes fast, but I feel
myself perfectly content with all the Lord's dispensations.
I used to feel great fear of death, but I have not any of
it now; and the thought of leaving my children, whom
I so much desire to bring up for the Lord, used to fill
me with much pain. But I feel strangely free, and can
with confidence put them in the Lord's hand, and leave
them there! Her words were to me refreshing and ani-
mating. I can bear witness what a pattern of tender
conscience, and meek submission she has been.
is now better, and I trust will be spared to us a little
longer.
May 22.
I had a sweet lesson from the Lord this
morning. I was inquiring why I did not hold the blessing
of sanctification more steadily ?-and it seemed that the
Lord answered me,-That it was because I forgot the
observation I have so often made to the people, of
the rattle-snake and the squirrel. She looks at the rat-
tle-snake, till through fear she drops into his mouth.*
So when my soul is striving to abide in Jesus, under some
peculiar trials, a temptation to discouragement presents
itself; I look at it, and grow discouraged. Instead of
that, I ought "to reckon myself dead unto sin, and alive
unto righteousness." In so doing I should" resist the
devil, who would soon flee from me." Also, I clearly
that I should watch in conversation, and never con-
saw,
The illustration is good, whatever becomes of the fact. Ed.
She
PART VII.]
329
MRS. FLETCHER.
tradict, unless for conscience sake; remembering that
command, "Let your gentleness be known unto all
men," as carrying that consciousness, "The Lord is at
hand."
June 24. Glory be to God! I have experienced many
very particular answers to prayer of late. For some
time past I saw it the call of God that I should go out
every Sunday to the Wood and the Dale alternately, for
a time. I feared the heat of the houses, but the Lord
took care for that. If the weather was ever so hot in
the week, it was always cool on the Sabbath. Blessed
be the Lord, He was with us of a truth, and I ex-
perienced both inward and outward help beyond my
expectation.
August 14. Ten years this day I have been a widow.
Last night I found liberty in pleading with the Lord for
the fulfilment of my dear love's last prayer, "Head of
the church, be head to my wife ;" and this day I have
been renewing my covenant with the Lord, to be wholly
at his disposal. To abandon my whole self, body, soul,
and spirit, with every concern for time and eternity, into
his hand. Often I have done this, but on this day I
peculiarly love to renew the solemn dedication. I have
found a deeper view than ever, into the sinfulness of sin,
-I mean what an aggravated burden my sins added to
the sufferings of my Redeemer! Those words, "Ye
are not your own, ye are bought with a price," were im-
pressed on my mind. Then I thought on that word also,
"They to whom much is forgiven, shall love much :"
and I had some power to claim that abundant love my
spirit so pants after. But I discerned so many blemishes
in all I have ever done, said, or thought, that I was
forced to look to my great Sacrifice. There I could see
infinite perfection. "It pleased the Father, that in him
should all fulness dwell." Casting my eyes on the Bible
open before me, it presented the cure of Naaman. I
was led from that to consider, how easy it was with the
28*
330
[PART VIL
THE LIFE OF
Lord to perform as perfect a cure on my soul, as on
Naaman's body!
September 12. Had a good time this morning in
prayer. Afterward in reading the account of Prudence
Williams, (Magazine, vol. 12.) I was much struck to
think how the power of God was seen in her great sal-
vation. In the bloom of youth, a good husband, whom
she had been happy with for one year,-A fine boy likely
to live, affectionate relations, every thing to hold her
here ;—and yet with what noble freedom did she leave
all, preferring her heavenly Beloved to every earthly joy!
It brought to my mind a word given me the other day
in prayer, The glory of the Lord shall arise upon them, and
his glory shall be seen upon them. This day I am fifty-six,
O Lord, how little of thy glory has been yet seen upon
me! O, let my remaining life be spent to thy praise!
21. We began the Monday meetings again this morn-
ing, which had been stopped a few weeks on account of
the women being in the harvest. Blessed be God, they
have not lost as much as I feared they would. In this
the Lord hath heard prayer indeed.
B. T. spoke
And B. B. ob-
sweetly, her words animated my soul.
served, in a very lively manner, what a difference she
found between this and former harvests, and plainly
described the fruit of the new creature. She was asto-
nished to think what unthankfulness she used to feel.
But, said she, every bit I picked up this year, seemed so
to come from the Lord! and her heart overflowed with
praise and thanksgiving. Poor Jane, also, gave good
proof of a mighty change, though a few months ago an
open sinner!
October 8. The Lord has been in a very particular
way showing me the depth of iniquity which hath been
in all my life.* O, what a scene! the heights of folly,
* What a mystery is this unveiling of the human heart, to the self-
satisfied, self-righteous world! When God discovers to his children (for
to none else can it be discovered,)" by his holy law written in their hearts,"
PART VII.]
331
MRS. FLETCHER.
and the depths of selfishness! What did my Jesus bear-
for me! Yes, he hath borne it all. He hath made a
full and perfect sacrifice for me! I can come to him as
my full atonement. But I cannot bring him that glory I
would, without a fuller change. I seem to have a hold
of God more firm and steadfast, and a great expectation
from his mere mercy. He hath done the work indeed
for me, and I believe He will do it in me. So I shall
become the "little child, to whom it is the Father's good
pleasure to give the kingdom."
Last night our tickets were renewed. It was a very
solemn time. We had four new members. Mr. Bald-
win preached on-" Are there few that be saved?" He
showed how out of a company of professors, few might
be truly in "the narrow way."
That it called for the
full exertion of all our powers, that we may "enter in
at the strait gate." I found it a very sweet season.
Afterward while he met the men's class, Mrs. Walter
and I had a comfortable conversation on holiness; and as
I was speaking to her, O, how did I see all depended
on having the mind stayed on Jesus! That our one
business is, to look at him our complete Saviour.
Tuesday, November 10. I awaked this morning with
these words,
"To keep your armour bright,
Attend with constant care,
For ever walking in his sight,
And watching unto prayer.”
At my time of prayer, I found a cry in my soul that I
might do so. When pleading for the people and the
work, that it might be carried on in any way the Lord
Some
sees good, I felt my mind divested of any choice.
not only the iniquity that is manifest there, but all that their hearts are
"capable of;"-this is a scene indeed! Let those to whom these dis-
coveries are made, take heed that "their faith fail not. The blood of the
sovenant," and "the great and precious promises" will fully reach their
case. This discovery is a needful preparation, in order to their being
** cleansed, by faith, from all unrighteousness." Ed.
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:
slighting things had been said of late by one, with whom
I have taken much pains, as if he could now do far better
than his teachers! I brought this to the Lord; and felt
my soul quite willing to be hid and covered in all He
called me to, or blessed me in; and my heart sprang
with joy at the idea of his Spirit being poured out through
any channel. As I was thus hiding myself in Jesus, and
enjoying the slighting things thrown out, on what I think
a sweet revival which we have had of late, I felt what I
know not how to describe,—I saw myself as espoused to
Jesus my husband, and consequently one interest with
him. Before I was aware, I cried out, If Thou art
glorified, I am glorified! Struck at my own words, I
stopped. When it came to me with much power, “They
that are joined to the Lord are one spirit." It also
followed, they that partake of my humiliations shall par-
take of my glory. O, how willing did my spirit feel to
wait for that day! and such a sight was opened before
me of the great blessing of being nothing in the eyes of
man, as I can better feel than write.
Last night at the meeting we had a great congregation,
and, blessed be God, I felt liberty. Two more notes of
thanksgiving were presented for spiritual blessings re-
ceived. When
When I came out, a person desired to speak
with me.
She gave me a blessed account how the Lord
had given her the full assurance of peace and pardon!
and M. D. who came in with her, appears to be sinking
much deeper into God. Glory be to his holy name!-
Many of late are thus brought in, and several are either
seeking the great blessing, or do "love the Lord with
all their heart."
1
November 12: A solemn sense of the mercies re-
ceived in these last fourteen years, has deeply sunk into
my soul. How different was my state this day fourteen
years, when I first became a wife! How tossed was my
mind with a thousand fears, not yet fully knowing the
angel of the church" to whom I was joined; and also.
encumbered with various difficulties. But now this night
PART VII.]
333
MRS. FLETCHER.
there is not one clog left! What a marvellous change!--
My dear love's. blessing does rest upon me! The Head
of the church is indeed my head; and mercy with over-
flowing goodness does follow me all the day long. And
with respect to the work.-O my God! Thou didst not
call us to have children according to the flesh; but what
an acomplishment do I see of those words, "Thy sons.
shall come from afar, and thy daughters shall be nursed
at thy side." Yes, I see them coming on every hand,
"Better than daughters, or than sons,
Temples divine of living stones,
Inscribed with Jesu's name !”
According to my usual custom on my wedding-day, I
have been renewing my covenant to be all the Lord's ;
and beseeching him to possess every thought, and to
reveal himself more abundantly to my soul. May I from
this moment be all activity in following hard after God!
I am filled with blessings; O that I may be filled with
the spirit of praise!
Monday, December 21. Yesterday was a fatiguing day
to the flesh, but I trust the Lord was glorified among
us. In the morning I awoke about two, and being afraid
to lose the early opportunities, I could hardly sleep
afterward. Between four and five I rose, but was so
poorly, I could but think and offer up my soul in prayer.
At the nine o'clock meeting I found the Lord was with
us. At half after ten, (as Mr. Walter was from home,)
I had to meet the congregation. For an hour and three
quarters I felt much freedom, and some life in speaking,
singing, and prayer. In the other meeting, (when Sally
had taken that of the two o'clock, in which she had a
great company and much of the power of God,) I spoke
to about twenty young beginners; and, blessed be the
Lord, they come forward. A company at tea, and a
private meeting in the evening, seemed to break me down.
Between six and seven I retired, and for an hour and a
half my soul was refreshed by being enabled to look, by
faith, to my adorable Surety now" at the right hand of
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[PART VII.
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the Majesty on high," fully set free from all my sins,
wherewith he had charged himself. I saw him “deli-
vered to death for my transgressions, and raised again
for my justification." I had a sweet view how the be-
liever, though weak and feeble, continued thus free.
The Saviour "bears the iniquity of our holy things."
How true, how sweet is that word, "If thou canst believe,
all things are possible!" Yes, he hath said, "He that
cometh unto me, I will in nowise cast out."
My soul
rested on his satisfaction with peaceful enjoyment, and I
fed on those words of the prophet, "And he shall build
the temple of the Lord." Yes, I depend on thee, “my
Priest, my Atonement, my Intercessor," I depend on thee
alone to make my soul and body "the living temple of the
Holy Ghost."
January 4, 1796. This year has begun with a solemn
sense of eternity on my soul. On the first day we had the
covenant with peculiar solemnity, and many were blest.
On the third Mr. Walter preached in my room, on Cut it
down, why cumbereth it the ground. It was a precious
time.
January 5. This day I have been fourteen years in
Madely. It seems but as yesterday. What crucify-
ing scenes have I passed through! Yet not one too
much. No, my adorable Lord, Thou hast done all things
well!
April 27. Reading a little diary of dear Mrs. Yate, has
been as marrow and fatness to my soul. It searched me
deeply. O how much earnest agonizing do I discern in
her soul! And yet she is ever complaining of sloth.
O my Lord, what am I? Yet I feel the Lord does keep
me more steadily looking to himself. But I do not get
into the full rest I want, every moment feeling an all-
sufficient God.
Tuesday, May 11th. These words were powerful,
They that wait on the Lord shall renew their strength. But
I did not continue on my diligent watch. Some useless
thoughts crept in; and though I have been striving most
PART VII.]
335
MRS. FLETCHER.
of the day, I seem as if I could not feel as I did yester-
day. O Lord, heal me! Thou knowest my unfaith-
fulness, and thou alone canst make me what thou wouldst
have me to be. A circumstance occurred yesterday
which I found good. One who came to me told me
some things that had been said, which to nature would
be grating, and once would have been a great trial. But
I found power to embrace the humiliation, and could
share with joy His lot who was “counted a
"counted a worm and
no man, the scorn of men, and the reproach of the
people."
Considering my various complaints, I see death not
far off, and it seems my business, and one concern, to
bend all my thoughts that way. O to awake up after
His likeness! Lord, get thyself glory on me! I pant to
be all like thee!
June 10. Last night for some hours I could not sleep,
having much fever. But I found it a good time of plead-
ing with the Lord, that he would glorify himself on me.
I
pleaded that blessed word, They who have much for-
given shall love much.”
is
t
December 31. Another year is almost at an end. How
my soul? Lord, what have I gained this year? I feel
more liberty in prayer, more hunger and thirst after
God; yet only in a small advance to what I would
be. I feel an unspeakable nearness to eternity, and a
deep sense of its importance. O that I may live to God
as I have never yet done! This morning pleading that
word, Whatsoever ye ask in my name, I will do it, I felt
my confidence increase, and can firmly rely on the word
of the Lord. I did, and do now, ask such a state of
soul as will most glorify my Lord. I ask to dwell in love.
It appears to me there can be no witness equal to this.
When I dwell, constantly dwell, in the element of love,
there can be no room for a doubt. But my hinderance
from entering fully into this state, is the want of looking
every moment to Jesus. I am sensible I should grow
fast if I unremittingly kept my eye fixed on Him.
But
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[PART VII.
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since I have more ardently desired this, it seems as if all
hell opposed it,* and as it were forced away my mind,
or brought black clouds between me and my views of
heaven. Yet will I persevere; yea, I will hang upon
thy word, believing the cloudless day shall come.
January 4, 1797. Much comfort I have had in meet-
ing the Tuesday class in the morning. They almost every
one seem to have renewed their vigour with the new
year. O, how did they praise God, saying, they had
never known such a Christmas! Several of these were,
a few months since, strong in the devil's service. They
are now rejoicing in the Lord! But poor C. D.-nothing
could comfort him. He seemed locked up in dark
despair, till at the covenant on Sunday night the Lord
set him at liberty. On Tuesday night while he was
speaking, how did my heart leap for joy! O, what an
answer to prayer! On Wednesday morning the meeting
was also very lively, and several seem to have begun the
new year in the most solemn spirit of prayer. How
many of these likewise were a few months ago dark
sinners! O Lord, we hope to see more and more of thy
power among us.
March 20. "Gracious is the Lord, and merciful."
O, how much of his faithfulness have I seen of late!
More and more do I discover how he orders all for us.
Some affairs of late have threatened distress to the nation,
and loss to me. But the tender care and wise disposal
of the Lord was so set before me, that I was enabled to
praise him as I could not have done had not these things
occurred. And he made me to know in the end, that he
does indeed make a hedge about me, and all concerning
me. O, what a treasure do I see in these words-" I will
be your God, and you shall be my sons and daughters,
saith the Lord Almighty !"
* The devil knows it is the very thing that will overcome him. It is this
alone that will deliver us from that worldly spirit, which is the element in
which he works. Every thing is little compared to this faith. Ed.
PART VII.]
337
MRS. FLETCHER.
April 1. For some days my soul has been keenly
tried by an accusation of the enemy, on account of a for-
mer transaction, in which it was represented I had injured
my neighbour. I cried to the Lord to make it plain if it
were so, for He knew it would be the very joy of my
heart to make amends. Yet I had reason to think it was
a snare of Satan, because when my soul was most drawn
out in prayer, it came as a fiery dart, that I must first
inquire into, and set that matter right, before I could
expect a blessing,-though it was not possible at that
time to do any thing. And so it proved. But it seemed
whenever the accusation came, immediately some word
of the Lord, or some plain answer, presented itself to
my mind. During this trial, which was very painful, O,
what a view I had of my state by nature! What depths
of pride, folly, and all kinds of evil were apparent from
my infancy. I cannot express what I saw and felt; but
I carried it all to the Lord, and every view, as it came
before me, seemed to have the effect of driving me more
to the bosom of my God.
April 8. After the trial already mentioned, I have
found a stronger faith, and more firm reliance on the Lord
Jesus; and one day, reading that passage in Job xxii.
which has so often ben applied with power to my heart,
I felt it more than ever so; and looking to some of the
marginal references in the great Bible, a sweet light
shone into my soul. Meditating on that verse, "Then
shalt thou have thy delight in the Almighty, and shalt lift
up thy face unto God,"-I turned to the references, (Job
xi. 15.) "For then shalt thou lift up thy face without
spot; yea, thou shalt be steadfast, and shalt not fear;
because thou shalt forget thy misery, and remember it as
waters that pass away. And thine age shall be clearer
than the noon-day. Thou shalt shine forth, thou shalt
be as the morning; and thou shalt be secure, because
there is hope. Yea, thou shalt dig about thee, and thou
shalt take thy rest in safety. Also thou shalt lie down,
29
338
[PART VII.
THE LIFE OF
and none shall make thee afraid. Yea, many shall make
suit unto thee." In how many particulars is this already
accomplished! But that word, "Thine age shall be
clearer than noon-day," in the margin, shall arise above
the noon, was powerfully applied; which gave me to dis-
cern a prospect, that my old age shall be favoured with
a far closer communion than my noon was. O my Lord,
I see the dawn, but I wait for the Sun of Righteousness
fully to arise on my soul.
April 18. Mrs. Walter's death has been much blest
to me. Had I such sufferings to go through, O my God!
I could not bring glory to thy cause by patience as she
did, unless thou gavest me a fuller change. From the
first of her coming to Madely, I observed in her an earnest
upright desire of living to God. As soon as she knew of
our private meetings, she inquired into the nature of
them, and begged to be admitted as a member; ever
showing by her whole carriage, that the language of her
heart was,
"Number'd with them may I be
Here, and in eternity."
She had experienced the pardoning love of God before
she came into Shropshire in a very clear manner, and
often felt a wish her lot might be cast among some people
who walked closer with God than any she had yet seen.
And when her husband became curate of this parish,
she felt a strong impression that her prayer was about to
be answered. She loved her children tenderly, and was
exemplary in her care both of them and of her house-
hold. She had many conflicts with the evil of her heart,
yet often telling me what sweet returns she felt in private
prayer in the practice of which duty she was truly
vigilant. She longed for the day when she should find
those words verified in her soul,
"No anger may'st thou ever find,
No pride in my unruffl'd mind,
But love, and heaven-born peace be thers."
19
PART VII.]
339
MRS. FLETCHER.
For some weeks when near the hour of nature's sorrow,
she was most sweetly carried on, often declaring she could
feel no fear, for the Lord poured in his precious promises,
and so filled her with his consolations as to keep her mind
in perfect peace; assured from his own mouth, He
would make all her bed in her sickness.
On Saturday, March the 4th, she was seized with a
violent shivering. Then the enemy came in as a flood,
with that thought, That she must die and leave her dear
children. This conflict was severe; but she was enabled,
as a true daughter of Abraham, to overcome From this
season her will appeared to be entirely lost in that of
God. The next day she was delivered of a child, which
died the same night; and soon after she proved to be in
a strong fever.
Her sufferings were great and long, as
she lived to the twenty-first day after her seizure. But
she was a pattern of patience and thankfulness. What
adds to both her and our trial was, the inflammation lay
so on her lungs, that we could scarce understand any
thing she said. But in this trial also she showed no impa-
tience; and when a blister was brought for her back,
(by which she had formerly suffered much,) she looked
on it some moments, and said, My dear Saviour gave his
back to the smiters, and so wil I. She constantly declared
the Lord was with her; and one day, when my Sally
reminded her of that promise, That "the Lord would
make all her bed in her sickness," she answered, "He
doth! he doth!" On the Tuesday she told me with tears
of love and praise, how very sweet those words had
been to her,
"All thine afflictions my glory shall raise,
And the deeper thy sorrows, the louder thy praise !"
Twice she had a sweet view of the invisible world, and
the attendance of many of the heavenly hosts. Of this
she would no doubt have told us much, but we could
understand but little of her speech. One time as she
was saying, "Hard work, hard work," Mrs. Purton (who
was almost constantly with her) said, "What is hard
340
THE LIFE OF
[PART VII.
work?" She replied, "To leave the dear children.
But the Lord says, Leave thy children to me, I will preserve
them!" Inquiring one day how she found her mind, her
answer was, "I have no will; it seems all lost in God.
If he were to give me my choice, I do not know whether
to choose life or death. But if the Lord should raise
me, I am determined to live more to God than ever, and
above all, to be more faithful in private prayer.' The
last night Mrs. Yate said, Is your mind as calm as ever?
she replied, "Quite so." And is Jesus as preciously
present as he hath been all along? Her answer was,
"More so than ever." On Friday, March 24, 1797,
she appeared to be just going about eleven o'clock;
breathing very hard, as she had done some hours. We
went to prayer, and found the Lord very present; after
which, as I was looking on her, I repeated,
"A convoy attends—
A ministering host of invisible friends!
Ready wing'd for the flight,
To the regions of light,
The horses are come,
The chariot of Israel to carry thee home!"
""
And in a few moments her happy spirit left this vale of
tears, to mingle with the blaze of day! She was in her
thirty-third year. Her disorder was such as called for a
very uncommon degree of attention and care.
And O,
how did we see the faithfulness of God! Such friends
were raised, and such helps given in the hour of need,
as made us say in truth, He counts our every hair! My
Sally was enabled to be a great comfort to her, and oft
did she express it. One day, looking earnestly on me,
she said, "I have a deal to tell you, but I cannot speak
it." When we meet above, she will perhaps tell me of
some glorious views, and divine consolations, where-
with she was favoured, though she could not utter them
here.
June 8. My faith seems increasing. I have clearer
views of the fulness of the Saviour, and of the unbounded
PART VII.]
341
MRS. FLETCHER.
privilege of believing. Many have observed, "You have
what you believe for, and some have made a bad use of
that privilege, not understanding what it is truly to be-
lieve." But it is still a great truth,
is still a great truth, "Whatsoever ye
ask in prayer, believing, you receive. God speaks
of the things that are not, as though they were." So
does faith. It sees the blessing of sanctification, and
takes hold of the promise, and cries, Through Christ it is
mine! I am not in full possession; yet, like a man that
has an estate left him, he claims it as his own; and
though opposed, struggles to get into the possession, and
does not quit his claim, though often repulsed by him
who unlawfully pretends to the right. The believing soul
says, It is the will of God that I should feel evil no more
—that is, I should no more let it in, however tempted.
It is his will I should always conquer. My Lord tells
me in his word, “This is the victory by which we over-
come, even our faith." I must therefore use my weak
faith, that it may grow stronger, which it certainly does by
use. I must hold fast that strong rock. First, "Jesus hath
borne all my sins in his own body on the tree;" there-
fore they are atoned for, and the atonement is mine by
believing. Secondly, "Christ is made unto me of the
Father, sanctification." He hath by his one offering
perfected the whole work needful for the purification of
the heart, and this is mine also by believing. He hath
received the Holy Spirit to pour it out on his church—
therefore it is mine, as far as I can believe, and so unite
my soul by faith to God. Abiding in him, I am so far
sanctified; and by the exercise of this hope, the soul is
said (by St. John) to purify itself, even as God is pure.
Not in degree, but in becoming of one nature. The
light of the candle is fire, as really as the sun. So it
may be said, that little flame is as the sun: both are of
one nature. The promise of the baptism of the Spirit is to
me. I claim it. Yea, and my dear Lord hath told me,
"Thou shalt walk with me in white. I will thoroughly
29*
342
[PART VII.
THE LIFE OF
I
purge away thy dross, and take away all thy tin."
believe it is his will to do it this moment, but the way
he hath appointed is faith; that is the appointed chan-
nel. "By grace are ye saved through faith." Now as
far as faith can lay hold, I have it, and no farther. This
is the secret of the Lord, which is with those that
fear him."
They turn to Jesus, and find all in him. It
is impossible to stand one moment in any state, but by
union with the Saviour as the Lord says by Isaiah,
"Without me ye shall bow down among the prisoners.
And the Saviour, "Without me ye can do nothing."
>>
While I
As I was at prayer this morning my spirit was dissi-
pated, and could not get near to the Lord.*
waited before him, I felt those words applied,
"To be
spiritually-minded is life and peace." I discerned such.
a light in the words as I never did before. One of my
greatest conflicts has been with idle thoughts about doing
that good which is not in my power. I remember an
observation greatly blest to me on this head, by a good
man now in eternity :-"Thoughts are of two kinds-
either the reptile, or the winged kind. Either they
crawl on earth, as the reptile, or rise to heaven as on
wings." This idea has been often blest to me. But
this morning I had such a clear view into the blessing of
keeping the mind occupied on spiritual things as encou-
raged me much. I now feel the power of it; to be spi-
ritually-minded is life and peace.
November 6.
work in my soul. He hath brought me into a narrow
path; and I find his faithful Spirit reproves me many
times a day. O the need I feel of watchfulness! I have
prayed many times for a tender conscience, quick as the
But I
apple of an eye, and in a measure I feel it so.
want so to put on the Lord Jesus, that my God-" May
look and love his image there." I feel a sweet love to,
Blessed be the Lord, I feel him at
* How little the most edifying reasonings avail when faith is not in
exercise, Ed.
Part VII.]
343
MRS. FLETCHER.
and rest in, the will of God, even in those things which
come nearest to my heart. But there is a close com-
munion-an intercourse, which I have not, Lord, take
away whatever stands between !
An observation of a spiritual writer was last night very
profitable to me.
He says,
"The soul who would come
to the Lord, and be filled with the Holy Ghost, must
begin by believing in Christ as Mediator. But he
must force himself to that which is good, however his
heart may be set against it. He should force himself to
take insults and humiliations for the Lord's sake as with
joy; and to exert a liberty in prayer, speaking to the
Lord as if he had it. Above all, let him force himself to
an assurance of the favour of God:* and shortly the Spirit
of God will come upon him, and enable him to do all those
things freely, from a pure nature within, which now he
does by force. But never let him quit his hope, for then
sin gains ground. But while a man retains his hope in
God, sin dies away." I felt a sweet power all the time of
my reading; and that word, That we should “force our-
selves to assurance in God's love, was life to my soul. It
is always a blessing to me when I resist discouragements
to faith.
December 19. This is the day set apart for a national
thanksgiving, on account of the victory gained at sea over
our enemies. Blessed be the Lord, he hath hitherto pre-
served us. But clouds yet hang over our heads. Lord,
teach our senators wisdom! Bless our good king, and
guide him in every thing, that he may take such
measures as shall tend to unite the hearts of his sub-
jects!
We have had several deaths lately round about us.
Some of them our own people. That blessed woman,
Mary Barnard, is one. She died very happy, declaring
to the last, that the covenant was signed and sealed with
her Lord, and she was his by a marriage bond. She set
* That is, He should resolutely believe, that the general declarations of
good will, made by the Lord to the human race, belong to him. Ed.
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[PART VII.
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me.
46
to her seal, that "the blood of Jesus Christ had cleansed
her from all sin." She had known the pure love of God
many years. Another was our neighbour W. Weston,
who endured a long and heavy affliction with much
patience. Sally often visited him, it being too far for
The night before he died, she was with him; on
her return she gave me the following account. My
soul did praise the Lord to hear him declare the love of
Jesus, Saying-O he is precious to my soul! On my
asking him, Hath the Lord often visited you since I was
with you last? He answered, Yes, many, many times.
God hath heard prayer for me indeed, and now I long to
die. We seemed to enjoy a little heaven together, while
conversing of many of our dear friends now in glory,
ready to welcome him there. I reminded him of the ob-
servation which my dear master made in one of his letters
from abroad, That perhaps he might (if he should not
live to return to England,) be permitted to accompany the
ministering angels, who should be sent to convey the
spirits of his dear parishioners into glory! He seemed
to delight in the thought! I observed, You are going
now, and I trust, by the grace of God, I shall be enabled
to fight my passage through, and then shall we meet on
Sion's happy shore, there to praise our dear Lord to-
gether. Smiling he answered, 'We shall, we shall.' I
read those two hymns,- Come let us join our friends
above, who have obtain'd the prize.' And, How hap-
py every child of grace, who knows his sins forgiven.'
After conversing some time, I repeated those lines,
For you is prepared the angelic guard,
A convoy attends-
A ministering host of invisible friends!
Ready wing'd for their flight
To the regions of light,
The horses are come,
The chariot of Israel to carry you home.'
He stretched out both his arms, looking upwards, as with
eager desire, and cried out-O, I am longing for that con-
voy to come for me! I took my leave of him, saying, I shall
Part VII.]
345
MRS. FLETCHER.
C
· Fare-
see you no more here; but it will not be long before we
meet above. And, I pray the Lord may be with you in
the dark valley, and sweetly support you with his pre-
sence. He caught hold of my hand, and said,
well! God bless you for ever, and dear Mrs. Fletcher.'
Tell her, I thank her for all her kindness to me; but
above all, for the prayers she hath offered for me. They
have done me much good, more good than my own. May
God bless her, and bless you both for ever!' Some others
also the Lord hath taken to his bosom, and among them,
one out of my own little household.-Poor dear Martha
Clark, who had lived with me eight years, being ill, left me
last August, to try if her native air would restore her.
One letter I received from her. In it, she said, her mind
was in peace, stayed on the Lord. Not long after she
dreamed she had returned, and that on opening our back
door, she saw the Lord Jesus all in white! who told her
he had brought the chariot for her. In the morning she
said to her brother, she should die soon, for the chariot
of Israel was come for her. And so she did on October
the sixteenth, I believe suddenly. She often repeated
that verse of the hymn, "For you is prepared the
angelic guard, &c." And frequently would be say-
ing, When will the chariot come for me?" How
solemn is the thought!-My family is partly in para-
dise and partly on earth. On earth I have none but
my dear child Sally; but above I have many. Bless-
ed be God for that word,-" We shall be gathered to
our people. Martha Clark was one who so walked, as
truly to "adorn the Gospel." While in my house, I do
not know there was ever one thing I wished her to
put away, or to do, but she immediately complied there-
with. In nothing was she worldly-minded, but often was
ready to refuse any little addition to her wages, when I
saw it right to give it to her. She was in many respects
truly a pattern of sobriety of mind, and of a quiet spirit.
January 4, 1798. At the watch-night, held the last
evening of the year, I was sensible of a deepening of the
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conviction which I had for some days felt, of the littleness
of my grace. In this spirit I began this new year. I do
certainly feel God hath done me good in the last; but I
see as I never did, the need of a far deeper work, a faith
at all times lively and vigorous. I have not such a per-
fect conquest over my thoughts as I must have to cause a
1
continual sense of the Almighty. I am not always faithful
in resisting, if the thought does not appear to be evil.
Since the first day of this year, I have found more power
to watch; Lord, stand by me! Some observing to me,
they could not find as much profit from my words and
prayers, as they did from Sally's, and wondering at it ;*
I thought, it is no wonder: for I have not such a de-
gree of the Spirit as she has. But I will bless thee, O
make her way; and will
Lord, that I am permitted to
with pleasure do more of the little things of the house,
that she may have more leisure to carry thy truth about
among souls.
She is a faithful follower of the Lamb, and
though she has been my orphan to bring up, I now desire
to tread in her steps.
September 12. Fifty-nine years this day I have seen
the light of this world; but never did I see eternal
things more important than at this hour. I am led to live
one moment at a time, offering up my whole self to the
will of God, to be purified by his divine influence ;-to
be just what he would have me to be. Lord, get thyself
glory on my soul. I had some humbling thoughts con-
cerning my dear husband.-How much more comfort I
might have yielded him, oft presses hard on my mind.
"O, I have much forgiven, let me love much !"
Some years ago I was much struck with that observa-
tion of Mr. Bridges,—“Where God designs to confer a
great blessing, he frequently puts a sentence of death
on the means that seem to lead thereto; as in the case
of Abraham and Sarah." I am sure it has been so with
*They are not to be commended who spoke thus; nor was Mrs. Flet-
cher's consequent resolution, though admirable, wholly without danger to
the young woman. Ed.
Part VII.]
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MRS. FLETCHER.
me in various instances.
ful fortune, but all seemed lost. Yet, God said in my
heart, "Thou shalt lend, and not borrow." I was,
however, at that time, borrowing of many, my own money
being in estates. I feared I should not at last pay all,
therefore, for fear of deception, I spoke freely to several
of my losses, and especially to those whose money I had
on interest. Many said, "Depend upon it, she is not
worth ten pounds, for every one makes the best they
can of their affairs."-Such a sentence of death seemed
to come over all my worldly affairs! And yet, when
God's time came, how did all turn about! Now it may
be asked, Why does God take this way? Mr. Bridges
gives a sweet answer, "God gives his blessings in that
manner which shall most show that " He is God.' Now
had my fortune remained unlessened, as it came from
my parents, I should not have so clearly seen the hand-
of God. But, like Joseph, we must sometimes be sold
into Egypt, in order to have our promises fulfilled,—of
becoming "the sheaf lifted up." Of late I have feared
lest I should look to my plenty more than I ought, and
not live by faith. Perhaps to prevent that, the Lord
hath taken this thirty pounds in France, and fifty pounds
per annum, in Switzerland ;* and yet I feel no lack.
At twenty-four, I had a plenti-
""
November 15. Last Monday, the 12th, was a solemn
day to me. That day seventeen years, (and on a Mon-
day,) my dear husband and I were made one before men.
We were before made one in the Lord. O that my
spirit could more partake of what he feels in glory! I
have no doubt that an eternal growth belongs to happy
spirits; and sometimes I think he has so long got the
start of me, and was so much before me even here, that
I fear I shall not be in one tribe with him above -Well,
I feel the will and order of God is right, let my mansion.
be where it will. If Jesus is glorified, I know I shall
delight in that.
*Lost by the invasion of the French. Ed.
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November 21. What an awful time do we live in!
This Irish rebellion has occasioned the death of thousands.
To what distress also are numbers reduced, stripped of
all they have, their houses burnt, and themselves forced
to flee for their lives! But many of our people have been
remarkably preserved. I have not yet heard of one of
them who have not escaped, though often as by miracle!
When I look on these things, I think, How different is
my situation! am I lost in wonder, love, and praise !
O my God, here I sit under my own vine and fig-tree,
filled with every good thing! Plenty of money for all I
want, and some to spare. I say, when I look at these
things, I am astonished at the tender mercy of God! and
encouraged to believe, that He who thus graciously deals
with my poor dying body, will answer every prayer for
my soul. Last night I seemed, almost the whole of it, to
hear, and repeat with sweet power, these words,
"Still, O my soul, prolong
The never-ceasing song.
Christ, my hope, my joy, my theme;
His be all my happy days!
Bow my every power to him,
Every thought be spent in praise!"
When I awoke I could not say it, I could not even
begin! But no sooner did I drop asleep again, than it
flowed as it were out of my heart and lips!
January 15, 1799. I have found the beginning of this
year a very solemn season. O that I may feel in the
course of it, what I have never before felt! On Christ-
mas eve, the Scriptures which I read in the meeting were
the first and second chapters of Luke ;-and it seemed
to many of us, as if we were with Zacharias in the tem-
ple, with Mary when the angel Gabriel came to her, with
the shepherds in the field, and, above all, with the little
company in the stable in Bethlehem, hearing the shep-
herds relate their vision, and Joseph and Mary confirm-
ing their faith, by a relation of all the wonderful things
they had seen and heard! Our hearts exulted also with
PART VII.]
349
MRS. FLETCHER.
Simeon and Anna in the temple ;* and my soul was led
to cry aloud, that all who waited for salvation in Madely
should behold my Saviour!
I was able to go out on Christmas day, but I was ill the
rest of the week. On the first day of this year, in the
evening, we had a full meeting, and the Lord was with
us.
We then considered a few questions which had
been brought to my mind for that purpose. First, Has
this last year been a year of prayer? Have my prayers
been serious, fervent, and recollected? Or have I
drawn near to God with my lips, while my heart was far
from him? Secondly, Have I watched my thoughts, and
been much in holy ejaculations? Thirdly, Have I been
thankful for mercies received, and attentive to observe
deliverances and answers to prayer? remembering that
word, "He that offereth me praise, he honoureth me.”
Fourthly, Do I feel a deep sense of sin? Do I loathe my
sinful self, and cry often, Lord, "cleanse me from my
secret faults??? Fifthly, Am I deeply conscious that the
root of all sin is in having lost God, and found self in his
place? And do I continually see holiness to consist in
the being sunk into my own nothingness, that God alone
may be exalted in my soul? Sixthly, Does my faith
increase? Do I come more freely to a crucified Saviour,
seeking all my salvation in and through him alone?
Seventhly, Do I keep hold of every promise given me,
as I would of a purse of gold, knowing it will be good
another day? Do I so look for the fulfilling of those
* A genuine instance of true faith, in ordinary life and duty. Faith,
That is, of the unseen
says St. Paul, is the evidence of things not seen.
things which God hath revealed, and of which the Holy Scriptures are the
record. These things, (events, discoveries, declarations, promises, threat-
enings,) are either past, future, or spiritual, and therefore not the objects
of sight. This evidence, (Exeyxos) gives to these unseen things of God,
a present subsistence. Hence this faith is said to be mighty through God,
to work by love, to purify the heart, and to overcome the world. As this
evidence is more or less clear and constant, so is the victory, and so is the
consequent holiness,—the righteousness, peace, and joy. Lord, increase
our faith! Ed.
Y
30
350
[PART VII.
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given me long since, pleading that prayer,
"Lord, ac-
complish the word on which thou hast made me to
hope."
cr
As to my outward walk. Have I watched over my
tongue? David says in Psalm the 39th, "I will take
heed to my ways, that I offend not with my tongue. I
will keep my mouth as with a bridle, while the wicked
are in my sight." You who work among the ungodly,
do you do so? Those words of St. James are very
important," My brethren, be ye swift to hear, and slow
to speak." And in the third chapter, he calls the tongue
a world of iniquity, set on fire of hell, and setting on
fire the whole course of nature. Secondly, Have I
watched over my appetites? Has my table been that of
a Christian, or that of a beast? A beast only seeks to
feed; but a Christian should make his table an act of
devotion, "Whether ye eat or drink," says St. Paul,
or whatsoever ye do, do all in the name, and to the
glory of God." Now this may be done in three ways.
First, Some little act of self-denial should accompany
each meal, as a check to intemperance. Ask yourself
after each meal,-In what have I denied myself this
time? Secondly, Your table should be a time of godly
conversation, if with others :—of meditation, if alone.
Thirdly, These blessings should raise your heart to
thankful gladness, and increase your faith in that Provi-
dence, who by thus providing for your body, gives you
a proof how much more he will provide for your im-
mortal soul. To help you thus to spiritualize your
meals, use much attention and fervour in asking a bless-
ing, and returning thanks.
With regard to my neighbour. Do I strive to be
faithful and diligent in my station? Obedient to superiors!
careful of, and tender to, my inferiors? Secondly, Do I
pray and strive to love my neighbour as myself? Do I
forgive as I hope to be forgiven? Do I do all I can for
the souls and bodies of those about me? If I hear of
the death of any neighbour, do I ask myself, Have I
PART VII.]
351
MRS. FLETCHER.
ever had an opportunity of warning that soul which I
have neglected? Will that soul have a just accusation
against me at the last day? Again, Let us cast a look on
those who are, from among ourselves in this last year,
laid up in the garner of God. Have we honoured and
served these saints of God? What a blessed opportunity
have we in this of serving the Lord Jesus! For if he
takes as to himself all we do for his little ones at any
time, how much more in their sickness and death? "For
right dear in the sight of the Lord is the death of his
saints." I never hear of the death of a child of God,
but I ask myself that question,-Have I done all I could
for that person in every way? Jesus saith, "Make to
yourselves friends of the mammon of unrighteousness,
that when you fail on earth, they may receive you into
everlasting habitations." How many do you think are
thus waiting to receive you above? Let us this night
awake to diligence. Let us be more earnest in seeking,
and we shall be more enriched in finding. Good Mr.
Frazer* observes, “Ever since I can remember, pro-
portionable to my diligence in seeking was my finding;
nor made I ever any extra aim at God, but I got some-
thing extra. Also, says he, I learn that a Christian's
assurance, or faith, though it do not at first flow from
holiness, yet it is, in its progress, ever in proportion to
his holy walk with God." This is a great truth, for
"the mystery of the faith" must be kept" in a pure
conscience."
February 7. How many have been called away lately!
Three precious souls, three nights running, have I seen
brought to the church-yard! The first was Brother
Brook, one of my dear Mr. Fletcher's first children.
He has been a steady walker, but not clearly awakened
to the work of sanctification till a few years ago.
dreamed that he heard a voice say to him,-John, are
you ready to die? He could not remember what he
answered, but the purport was, that he hoped so. Next
* A very pious minister of the Church of Scotland. Ed.
He
352
[PART VII.
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day he was rather uneasy, and wished to have the dream
again, that he might answer better. Sometime after he
thought in his sleep, he heard the voice again. Then
he said, Lord, am I ready? On which such a discovery
of the evil of his nature was laid open to him, that he
cried out, Ah! Lord, I have all to do! I have to begin!
From that time, he felt a strong desire to be a new
creature in the full sense of the word; and began to
strive "to take the kingdom by force." But still he did
not see clearly the way of faith. One night he dreamed
my dear husband came to him, and pointing to a wall,
said, John, you must get up above the top of that wall.
He replied, Sir, I cannot, it is impossible. Mr. Fletcher
answered, Yes, John, you must, or you will perish. He
immediately lifted up his heart to the Lord, and began
gently to rise, till he was even with the top of the wall,
-on which he laid his hand to lean,-when instantly he
dropped down to the bottom, and awoke. This much.
discouraged him. But a second time he dreamed the
same dream, and leaned as before, when he again dropped
down. He had many thoughts about these dreams, what
they could mean. After some time he again dreamed
that Mr. Fletcher came to him, and as before bid him
rise above that wall, adding,-The reason, John, why
fell the other times, was because you leaned on the
wall. If you but touch it, you spoil all. Then he again
lifted up his heart in faith as before, and gently rising till
he was above the wall, he found himself in a most beau-
tiful place, and his soul in a profound peace. From this
dream he saw it was by "looking unto Jesus," that he
was to "enter that rest which remains for the people of
God." During a very long and painful illness, he has
been kept in a sweet calm peace. In the beginning he
was much tempted, but his confidence remained firm,
In the latter end it was much increased. He said, a few
minutes before his death, to a neighbour, "O, Tommy,
this calls for much faith and patience;" but added, That
you
PART VII.
353
MRS. FLETCHER.
his confidence was unshaken. He then cried, "Come,
Lord Jesus!" and entered his everlasting rest.
The next night poor Sister Smith was buried. She
appeared to me more than commonly stirred up the last
two or three times I met her in class. In her illness,
which lasted a month, she was continually crying out for
a clean heart; lamenting the unbelief she felt, which, said
she, is as a wall. O that this wall of unbelief were re-
moved, that I might have a clear evidence! O that the
heart of stone were taken away! One night, about a week
before she died, she called hastily to her son, telling him,
the Lord had taken away the heart of stone, and filled her
mouth with praise. She continued in peace, though in
much pain, till her spirit returned to God.-The follow-
ing night a man was buried, who had been a sufferer for
some years, but in that time brought home to God.
February 14. My mind is sorrowful. It seems as if
the Lord was about to take my Sally from me.
She grows
worse and worse; her legs swell much, her strength fails,
and all means used appear unsuccessful. I have been so
supported, as I could not have expected; not with great
joy, but a determined resignation,-a clinging to the will
of God, be the event what it may. She has been as the
tenderest of daughters to me; a spiritual friend both to
soul and body. A most useful housekeeper, and the best
of nurses. In short, the staff of my old age. If I lose
her, I shall be stripped of all that makes my life comforta
ble.
We keep a kind of inn for the Lord's people; and
I am so infirm I cannot supply her place in care and ma-
nagement. In the work of God she is also admirably
useful, and together we get through a good deal. But
left alone, what a poor creature shall I be, to go through
all these fatigues? But I will encourage myself in the
Lord. We shall not be parted. She goes a little before,
and I shall follow after.
March 9. I have still a season of trial, but not with-
out profit. My dear Sally is yet ill, apparently going into
30 *.
354
[PART VII.
THE LIFE OF
a consumption. I must now, as Abraham, lay the whole
of my earthly comforts on the altar! But I cling to the
will of God. Christ left all for me. O my Lord, enable
me to glorify thee in the fire! This morning I was blest
in those words, "Casting all your care on him, for He
careth for you."
March 19. This was our quarter day. I found in the
morning a particular faith, in devoting myself to the Lord,
that his whole will might be accomplished in me, and by
•me, that day; and I saw the immediate guidance of his
hand in each particular. I felt thankful, that our appli-
cation to Mr. Young had apparently been blest, and my
dear friend was better, and enabled to assist me through
the hurry of the day. We went to bed in peace, though
fatigued. But in the night she spit blood again. This
circumstance seems to take away, humanly speaking, all
hope of her recovery. The discharge continued, though
lessening, all the next day and night. Blessed be God 1
felt power to go through all that I was called to in the
Lord's work, and to cling fast to his will by resignation.
March 25. Sally is very poorly. The bleeding con-
tinues, though the discharge is small. Yesterday morn-
ing, Easter Sunday, I felt power to throw myself on the
Lord, and was helped through the duties of the day. I
asked her how she felt her mind when she began to spit
the blood? She replied, she felt no fear of death, but a
firm confidence that the Lord would finish his work if he
took her directly. At the same time she felt tenderly
for me. She added, "On Thursday, being in great pain,
I dropped into a dose, and thought I heard the voice of
my dear master, saying, as if he stood by me, 'The suf
ferings of the present time are not worthy to be compared
with the glory which shall be revealed.'"
It was a re-
freshment to me to have, as it were, a message from hea-
ven in this time of trouble. As I sat in my pew at church,
I thought, I must now go to the table alone. Once I had
my dear husband there, and my child at my side. Now,
as Naomi, I must say, I went out full, but return empty.
+
PART VII.]
355
MRS. FLETCHER.
As I knelt at the table, it seemed as if her spirit was one
with mine. On my return to the pew, as I was pleading
in prayer that the Lord would order all,-it came to me,
"Leave to his Sov'reign sway
To choose and to command;
So shalt thou wond'ring own his way,
How wise, how good his hand.”
I
I said, Lord, look upon us! It was answered, The hairs
of your head are all numbered. I then said, My dear Sa-
viour, our concerns are regarded in the court above;
freely leave them there! It came with power, And the
care of them is with the Most High. That so melted my
heart, I could not help bursting into tears. But they were
tears of gratitude. The Lord did not seem to tell me
what he would do with me; but patience must have its
perfect work.
May 8th. Many mercies and many trials have I passed
through since I wrote last. My dear Sally is yet very
poorly, and I feel myself called to stand on my watch-
tower, that I may gain all the good designed me in this
trial. I desire to be in the posture of Abraham when he
was going to Mount Moriah. What will be the end I know
not, but it has been a time of much pain.
May 30. The Lord hath in great mercy heard prayer
in many respects of late. I know not where to begin to
recount his goodness. My dear Sally is much better, and
seems to gather strength beyond expectation. On Sun-
day night last I was led to make a fresh dedication of my
all to God; and he showed me I was to confide alone in
Him. I fear much for my dear friend, but I am not called
to hinder her in any thing, but commit all to the Lord,
for I have given up all into his hand.
June 28. Blessed be God, I do feel an increase of
union, and a recollected posture of mind. Reading that
line to-day in one of Mr. Wesley's Letters, "Entire re-
signation implies entire love. Give him your will,
and you give him your heart." I felt a spring of satis-
faction arise in my mind. I am sure I do feel an in-
356
[PART VII.
THE LIFE OF
creasing resignation, and that not in theory, but in prac-
tice. My most near and tender feelings have been touch-
ed of late. I live under those trials at this time, not
only in the continued illness of my dear Sally, who still
seems consumptive, but other circumstances besides. I
can feelingly say, "The Lord liveth, and blessed be my
Rock, and exalted be the God of my salvation." There
appears to be one design in all the Lord's dispensations
towards us, viz. the bringing us to lose our wills perfectly
in His adorable will ;-and I find nothing so helpful as to
be quite still in his hand. Committing all to the Lord,
however difficult things may appear. I am to stand still,
and the Lord makes a way through in his own time, and
often the trial is only a shadow. Like Abraham we all
are called to offer our Isaac, and then the cross is remo-
ved. We have had peculiar expenses of late, and my
gracious Father hath provided for that. A few days since
I received a letter from my eldest brother's wife, in which
she sent me a present of twenty pounds. Lord, didst
thou not tell me, I will bless them that bless thee? Let
this kindness be so returned, O Lord, in spiritual and
temporal blessings !
July 20. Lord, thou art good! I feel thine arm does
support me. O teach me the " way of faith more per-
fectly!" My dear child grows worse. She coughs al-
most continually. I feel it as a knife in my heart. She
is my earthly all, and in the whole universe, there is but
one thing I love more than her, that is, "The will
of my God." To that I do, I must, I will refer every
thing!
August 6. Having been called to take a little journey
of thirty miles, I have found it a good deal disorder my
body, as of late years travelling always does and with
the continued illness of my dear friend, I have little time
for writing, except the letters I have to answer. But,
blessed be the Lord! I have been carried through all
my weekly meetings, with a peculiar sense of the pre-
sence of God. Last Tuesday, in our intercession, we
PART VII.]
357
MRS. FLETCHER.
laid her case again before the Lord, with much freedom,
and I think she has been better since. We are called
to hang on Jesus, and cleave to his will. My dear child
is kept in much peace, and she prays that the trial may
answer all that the Lord intends before it is removed.
Lord, I add my prayers to hers, so let it be! I shall cer-
tainly feel her loss severely. With her I can consult
about every circumstance. To her I can tell every
temptation; and her watchful attention over each infirm-
ity of my body is uncommon. Her skill in managing all
the affairs of my family is very great; she takes off all
burdens from me, and leaves me wholly free. Her help
in the work of God also is unspeakable. She assists me
in memory, in speaking to the people, in judging concern-
ing them, in reproving and exhorting; and I do nothing
in the church affairs but with her counsel.
In her own
meetings, a few of which she still will keep up, her word
is clothed with power; and many, very many, are weep-
ing through fear of her loss. I feel the Lord requires.
me to keep looking to him alone, and living only the
present hour, with a continual Abraham-like spirit, hold-
ing my sacrifice before the Lord, to whom my more than
all is due.
August 14. I have been renewing my covenant with
the Lord this day,-to abandon all my whole cause, both
of soul and body, into his hand! and to offer afresh, to
follow the Lamb whithersoever he goeth. Fourteen years
of widowhood I have this day completed. And now it
seems as if my last, my only remaining friend and comfort,
was called for! And I have been pleading with the Lord,
that I may cling to His dear will. Yesterday morning I
had a sweet refreshing gale from Sion's top, and such
confidence I felt in the all-sufficiency of the Saviour,
that I could lean all my weight of care on the Lord, and
saw his arm was under both my friend and me. It lifted
off my care, and healed my suffering mind. This
morning I have strove to humble myself before the Lord,
and to inquire whether I may ask the healing of my
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THE LIFE OF
[PART VII.
child! It seemed as if I was led to stand still ;-for though
no trial of the kind could be so near my heart, yet I feel
my dearest concern is the glory of God. And therefore I
can only say, Thy will be done! But if this cup may pass
from me!-Lord, let silence plead my cause! I will not
ask any thing, but such a gracious conduct towards us, as
will bring most glory to Thee, and for which we shall
most praise Thee in eternity.
August 30. This has been a day of searching into my
heart. I see there is great need of the Lord to lay to
his hand. I want a deliverance I do not yet feel. The
Spirit of God is a spirit of illumination. That I in a low
degree feel. I have a light which increases in reading
the Scriptures; and some fresh views of the amazing
glory of redemption are given to me. Secondly. The
Spirit of God is a spirit of "prayer, of groans unutter-
able." A little of this I feel, but out of seven times a
day in prayer, often I have not what I call the spirit of
prayer, above three or four times.
Thirdly. The
Spirit of God is a spirit of humiliation. Surely I may say
I have this mark; but I do not love humiliation, at least
till I have had time to reflect. I do not run to embrace
it,* nor pick it up as I would a jewel. Fourthly. The
Spirit of God is a spirit of sanctification, purifying the
heart. I do feel it is working that in me.
Yet I am
not free from reptile thoughts, those which crawl on the
earth. They do not, it is true, carry the stamp of sin
upon them, yet they hinder prayer. Fifthly. The
Spirit of God is the spirit of love. What shall I say to
this? My love to God does increase; I can say, O God!
my chief joy! but I can very seldom say, O God! my
exceeding joy! My love seems faint and dim, and that to
my neighbour keeps pace with it. I deny myself for
their sake, but that is nothing. The pleasure I feel in
* Is not this too strong? Ought we to run to meet that which must be
ain to others? We must indeed be conformed to the Son of God; and we
should bear his reproach, not only with patience, but with joy. In a mind
so devoted as Mrs. Fletcher's, the meaning must be good, but there may
be some danger to others in this strong way of expressing it. Ed.
PART VII.]
359
MRS. FLETCHER.
helping the distressed is greater than that which I deny
myself in. Indeed if I did not do so, I should know
"the love of the Father was not in me."
But I cannot
rest till I feel a greater measure of that love which brought
my Saviour from heaven to earth, to take on him the
iniquity of us all. O Jesus, let that mind be in me that
was in thee! I ask it in thy name!
September 12. I am this day threescore. My dear
husband would have been seventy. But he has had four-
teen years in glory. Lord, prepare me for all prepared
for me! O let me live my last days to thy glory as I have
never done! Yesterday the Lord gave me that word,
"When thou goest through the waters, they shall not
overflow thee." I asked if I might pray for my dearest
comfort to be spared. That text seemed an answer;
"Be careful for nothing, but in every thing, by prayer
and supplication, make your requests known unto God.”
For some days her cough has been more strong, and
more frequent. I feel the will of God my sure defence.
If he please he can yet raise my dear friend; but if he
have otherwise determined, It is the Lord. He cannot
err: I will not choose.
October 7. We have had the comfort to hear of the
happy death of Miss Styche. She told me the conviction
she got while at Mrs. Micklewright's school abode with
her for some time. But, said she, afterward when I got
into the world, all you had said seemed wiped away.
Then the Lord laid his hand on me by this illness. A
blessed illness it has been to me, for it hath brought me
to seek him. But now I fear he will never receive nor
forgive me! When we told her of the great atonement
and perfect righteousness of the Saviour, she seemed as
if she would swallow every word. She then said, When
Mr. Walter visits me, I often feel comforted; but I can-
not retain it; and I feel my heart full of sin. At this
time she was torn with evil tempers, unable to live, and
afraid to die. Suffering much, and having no comfort;
so that nothing seemed to please or satisfy her. Yet she
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struggled hard to obtain not only consolation, but the
mind that was in Christ. One day as a few of us were at
prayer with her, she received such a lift of faith as de-
livered her from all her bonds. From that hour all about
her were amazed at the change. She was all the lamb,
and the dove! The new creature shone clear indeed.
When my Sally was saying, Shortly you will come to the
blessed moment, when, "Ready wing'd for the flight,"
you shall see the chariot of Israel come for you, her
eyes sparkled with delight, and she said, "I am so happy
as I cannot express.
Sometimes I have fiery darts, but
I look to Jesus, and he turns them away. He is always
with me." She continued thus to the last. A few hours
before she died, she seemed to have much of the pre-
sence of God, repeating, with great delight, "Ready
wing'd, ready wing'd!" She then begged her young
sister to turn to God, saying, "You must cleave to those
who have done me so much good. You see how I am,
and I would not be otherwise; I would not live for a
thousand worlds. I have such a prospect-so clear into
eternity. Jesus hath saved me! He hath washed me
from my sins in his own blood. He hath put on me the
white robe, and I see my way clear.
people that have been so blest to me." Soon after she
said, 66
Molly, Molly, look! do not you see these sweet
creatures ?" Her sister replied, No, I do not." To
which Miss Styche said, "But I do, they are come for
me." Molly asked, What are they like? She replied,
66
O cleave to the
They are glorified spirits! they are virgins-they are
come for me! Yes, they are come for me!" And im-
mediately,
"She clapt the glad wing, and tower'd away,
To mingle with the blaze of day!"
She died October the 4th, in her twenty-first year.
November 12. Many solemn thoughts, yet, such as
have led to God, have occupied my mind to-day. When
I look back eighteen years, it gives me pleasure to re-
PART VII.]
361
MRS. FLETCHER.
collect, that my dear love and I agreed, that we would
not limit our union by that word,
"Till death us doth
part," but that we would consider our covenant as eter-
nal. Not that we meant to tie each other from a future
marriage; but that our union of soul was never to be
broken. Often when we have been speaking together
of this, he would say, Well, Polly, then our spiritual,
as well as our temporal mercies, are mutual." From
this recollection, I was led to consider that text, "He
hath made us mect to partake of the inheritance of the
saints in light,” and felt a power to pray as I have often
done, that I might be permitted to share in his joy, now
inherited before the throne. At night, in the society,
my faith was somewhat increased.
December 23. I am a woman of a sorrowful spirit.
My dear child grows worse; well, I will cling to that
rock, Thy will be done! This shall be my momentary
employ the remainder of my life. Not one on earth to
whom I can converse of the past trials through which
she hath walked with me! Well, my Lord, thou know-
est my solitary situation. The pains she suffers from
that dreadful cough, and a complication of complaints,
would constrain, I think, any besides herself to keep
their bed. But while there is a grain of strength given
to her, she will use it, both in the work of God, and in
the care of our affairs. I will hang upon that word, "I
will bring the blind by a way they know not. I will lead
them in paths which they have not known. I will make
darkness light before them, and crooked things straight.
These things will I do for them, and not forsake them."
January 20, 1800. This morning as I was laying be-
fore the Lord the sufferings of my dear child, I thought,
if the hairs of our head are numbered, then I am sure
each time she has that cough, so hard, so violent, it is
noticed by the Lord. I felt that it was; and asked, with
submission, that it might be removed, or that he would
graciously show that it was sent in love. After awhile,
31
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these words were sweetly impressed on my mind, “The
light affliction which is but for a moment shall work out
for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory."
I felt that word, far more exceeding, so that I answered,
Well, my blessed Lord, I will hold to my old word, God
shall choose our inheritance for us. Give me, O Lord, to
find my all in thee! Last night, in the society, those
words were impressed on my mind, Seek first the king-
dom of God, and all things else shall be added unto you.
March 17. Yesterday Mary Wyke entered glory, in
the nineteenth year of her age. She is a remarkable
answer to prayer. In the beginning of her illness she
was very careless and hard; but after much suffering,
she was brought to know herself, and to seek the Lord.
He was pleased to manifest his love to her in some de-
gree, but still she had a great hankering after life; and
at times she was much troubled with unholy tempers,
which she sorely lamented. A few months ago, her body
being brought to the state of a Lazarus, she was consider-
ing whether there was any likelihood of recovery, when
those words were powerfully applied to her heart, "Thou
shalt die and not live." This, she told me, she knew to
be the voice of God; and felt all her will for life im-
mediately taken away.
From that day a mighty change
appeared upon her.
She has had much of the presence
of the Lord, and been kept in a sweet calm loving state,
ripening for glory-declaring she was willing to suffer as
long as the Lord should please, for she knew her pains
were working out a "farther weight of glory." Some-
times she was triumphantly happy; at other times, she
could only lie and groan in agony; but even then she
would say, if asked, "I am happy; I have no will." A
fortnight before her death, she dreamed, her grand-
mother, who died here in the Lord a few years ago,
came to her, and a person whom she did not know came
with her. That person said, Mary, hold faith and pa-
tience a little longer, and you shall be with us." The
Part 363
B
VII.]
MRS. FLETCHER.
night before she died, she was very happy. Ten mi-
nutes before she departed, her mother said, Are you
happy, my dear? She, with difficulty, answered, "Yes,"
-and soon ceased breathing.-Eternity is very near!
O, for a swifter progress in our souls!
March 31. This has been a day of recollection, and
of groaning after a fuller manifestation of the Lord's
power. It is a time of trial. My dear child, what does
she suffer! Yet how patient and passive in the hand of
God! I seem left to suffer; yet I am wonderfully sup-
ported too. Well, comfort is not that which I most
desire. I feel my strongest desire is, that the nature of
God may be more powerfully stamped on my soul.
May 21. The Lord does not suffer my sorrowful at-
tention to hinder his work. Last Sunday, I was at the
Wood. Never, I think, did I feel more freedom.
O my
God! work for the glory of thy name on this people! I
feel their souls very near to me. The Lord is with us
in trouble, and my dear Sally is kept in a calm quiet.
frame. Through all she suffers, she says, she has such
a sense how safe she is in the hand of God, that His
time, either for ease or death, is the best time.
August 1. My dear friend is yet no better. Last
night was a painful one. O that this trial may have its
due effect on us both! I long for full conformity to all
the will of God. I see every grace increases by use.
I am called to exercise faith, and as faith gathers strength,
I know every other grace will keep pace with it. I
have had much temptation since I wrote last; but how
can faith be in full exercise if we see all clearly?
64
September 24. Lord, thine eyes are upon us! We
see and feel thy help in the midst of our trials. I have
little time to write, my dear child being now so very
bad, but I am led to live on that word, Thy will be
done." It is a day of clouds, and at times of thick dark-
ness. All my help seems to be in clinging to the will of
God. One sentence Miss Ritchie, (now Mrs. Mortimer)
read in sister Johnson's letter from Bristol, was blest to
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me. She says-
She says" When we look at Jesus by faith, Satan
loses his power, and, if I may so speak, his place, which
is the reasoning faculty."*
January 1, 1801. What have I seen and felt since
last I wrote! On December 3d, my dearest child and
friend went triumphantly to glory! I was helped to
write an account of her devoted life and happy death,
and read it to the society, while her precious corpse was
in the house. I have now scarce strength to look it
over. How does the Lord help us in the needful hour!
In the ordering of her funeral, and various things which.
fell on me alone, I have been brought through, and
proved her dying words, "He will put his everlasting
arms underneath you." He doth, and I am borne up.
But O, what a loss do I sustain! God only knows what
she was to me, and Himself alone can fill the aching
void! What adds to the weight is, I have not that com-
munion with God I long for. I am amazed at the resig-
nation which I feel. Yes, I do, I will adore him, for
taking away my all from me. I fear I hung too much
on her.
I did nothing without her counsel, and truly I
was dearer to her than herself. To the last she felt in
* An undue dependence on the reasoning faculty, is indeed Satan's
strong hold, and highest delusion. Any repulse to this temptation, he
will suggest, must amount to a renunciation of that noble gift of God! It
is thus "the strong one, armed" with the pride, self-will, prejudice, and
worldly spirit of the sinner, (which he will call his reason,) "keepeth his
house, and his goods are in peace." In this state our Lord found the fallen
Jewish nation; and in this state Luther (not to mention other reformers)
found the fallen Christian Church. Almost in this state (but with a pure
doctrine in the established creeds, and liturgy,) did Mr. Wesley find this
favoured kingdom. In this state also does the "Spirit of Christ” find every
natural man, however learned or wise. But who will sink under that
sentence of death which the Holy Spirit pronounces (John xvi. 8-11.)
against all this deceivableness of unrighteousness? Only the man who
submits to have faith placed on the throne usurped by the "reasoning
faculty." Nor can any man know "the salvation that is through faith,'
but the man who resolutely maintains that divine allegiance ;-who steadily
walks by the same rule, and minds the same things. Ed.
This was beyond the highest sensible consolation. Ed
19
PART VII.]
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MRS. FLETCHER.
the most tender manner for me, and often said, "If the
Lord saw good, how gladly would I drink this bitter cup
instead of you! and close your eyes instead of you clos-
ing mine.
But the will of God is all to us; in that we
are agreed—we live in-" Thy will be done." I do not
know indeed the heart of a stranger; and I do trust the
Lord is about to make me "his own habitation through
the indwelling spirit." Now and then, for a moment, I
have such a display of God, as I know and feel would
turn my gloomy night into a bright day. But it is but
for a moment, and then seems to shut up again. I must
remember my dear Sally's words, "We are both waiting
for the Lord ;" and "It is good to hope, and quietly to
wait for the salvation of God." I begin this year as an
hermit ah! that I may end it as a saint. Come, Lord
Jesus, and fulfil all thy gracious promises to my waiting
soul!
I sometimes feel her as being present with me.
We
had all things in common here, and I trust I shall par-
take of her heavenly inheritance. Thinking of that
one night when I was very sad, in a moment all the gloom
went off, and such a sweetness came over my soul as
seemed to wipe away all grief. I dropped asleep, and
these words sounded in my ears all night,
"They drink the deifying stream,
And pluck th' ambrosial fruit.”
March 11. What cause have I to bless the Lord! How
often have I feared, if I lost my dear friend, I should
not be able to glorify God, that I should have no spirit
to go through any thing. But it is not so. I never
felt more light and liberty in speaking to the people
than I do now; and though very trying circumstances
have occurred in the work of God, as well as in my
family affairs, yet I have been carried through all in a
manner that amazes
How faithful is the Lord!
June 5. I continue to feel my loss severely; yet I
also feel I love and adore the will of God. Yea, and 1.
me.
31 *
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admire it. What wisdom and love do I see in all this
cutting dispensation! I cleaved too much to that pre-
cious gift, which was lent to me in order to raise my soul
to God. One night I dreamed I saw her standing before
me. I cried out, O my dear love, are you come? I have
waited for this.She expressed the tenderest regard, but
without words, and it left a sweet sensation on my mind.
Another time I dreamed* I was involved in great trials,
and thought, O, if my Sally had been now with me, all
would have been nothing.-Immediately I saw her just
by me! and she gave me to know, she was nearer than I
thought. I know our friends are not really divided from
us; they are. only become invisible. Perhaps if we saw
the spirits of our dear companions at such seasons, we
might be much tempted to put our trust in them. A
veil is therefore drawn between ;—and all for our eternal
good. But the Scripture declares, "We are come to the
spirits of just men made perfect ;"-but this is far more
plain to their eyes than to ours, which are as yet under
the veil. Lord, give me to rely on thyself alone!
July 14. I had this morning a comfortable season
while meeting the class. Those words of Fenelon were
much on my mind-"I will, with John, lean on his
breast, and feed on love, by joining my heart to his."
Sometimes, while speaking on faith, such a sweetness
overspreads my soul, as if I had run into the bosom of
my Lord. I see, at those times, such an all-sufficiency
in the Saviour, and such a vastness in that thought, "We
have boldness and access through him,”—and again, “ He
hath borne all our sins in his own body on the tree,” that
it seemed I had only to run to the Saviour every moment,
as a child to its fond parent! Lord, open the way of
faith more and more to my waiting soul!
*In this way of divine direction and encouragement the Lord acts as a
Sovereign, and gives as He sees good. To this the Holy Scripture bears.
full testimony. Mrs. Fletcher was often thus favoured. But how merci-
fully was she preserved from placing any undue dependence on these
favours! The Word of God was the guide to which she referred every
thing, and by which she "tried the spirits whether they were of God." Ed.
PART VII.]
367
MRS. FLETCHER.
August 15th. Yesterday was a solemn day to me.
Sixteen years are passed since my eyes beheld the awful
scene of my dear husband's entrance into glory. O,
what have I passed through since that time! Could I
then have known that my precious friend would have
been taken also, how it would have aggravated the bitter
cup! But blessed be God that all the future is hid in his
will. There I find a solid rest. It is now a little more
than seven months since I lost her, and I have been, and
am enabled to say, Jesus hath done all things well. I feel
my soul more on stretch after God, and my old promises
seem to revive afresh, as if drawing near to the time of
accomplishment. That promise in particular, Thou shalt
walk with me in white.
August 20. I awoke this morning with strong desire
and prayer, that every thought might this day be the
Lord's. O, why is there any distance! Come, my
beloved, and take the full possession of every power!
My soul is grieved that I have not more ardour in speak-
ing for God: though, blessed be his name, I have found
him graciously with me at times in the meetings. But I
do not catch every occasion as my dear Sally did. The
other day a man came to sell something we wanted.
Being engaged in writing I sent one of the family to take
it for me. After he was gone, she told me the man had
said, he had two children sick of the small-pox, and had
never had it himself. I asked earnestly,—And did you
talk to him about his soul? She answered, No. O, what
did I feel! Had I gone down myself how much better
should I have been employed!
Lord's-day, August 23. In the meeting this morning
I found the Lord present; and I had also a little oppor-
tunity of helping his people. O what a favour! I, who
once expected to be left without the necessaries of life.
for myself, have now such frequent opportunities of
helping the poor! Lord, thou art good to me beyond
expression! This evening I spent two hours in retire-
ment, and found it the best of all the day. God gave me
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a praying spirit.-But it was also a time of deep humilia-
tion. Such a crowd of words and acts,-foolish and sin-
ful, which were spoken or committed forty or fifty years
ago, pressed into my mind like so many barbed arrows.
I see in myself, from a child, a depth of the fall beyond,
I think, any other. But this evening, though I felt deeply
sorrowful, and ready to lie down under the feet of all, I
found it mixed with encouraging hope. These words
bore much on my mind,
August 28.
"I shall soon obtain the grace,
Pure in heart to see thy face."
-
1
This morning I awoke after a restless
night, with a strong desire to live to God. In prayer I
found some encouragement. In visiting some sick also I
felt the presence of God.
of God. J. B. seemed very comfort-
able under his affliction, and much led to look to Jesus
through all; for, said he, "What a delight it is to rejoice.
in God, though in anguish and pain! Why it is all from
him! all from him! that is my comfort." I see more
and more, souls grow best in the furnace. It is our
proper soil while here; to enjoy is by and by.
October 17. Lord, perform thy word, on which thou
hast made me to trust! That saying of our Lord, in
Mark xi, concerning the fig-tree, was much laid on my
heart. "If ye have faith, and doubt not, ye shall say to
this mountain, depart!" and "whatsoever things ye ask
in prayer, believe that ye receive, and ye shall have
them." That is, believe that it becomes yours as sure
as ye ask; yea, at that time the grace ye ask for is as it.
were held out to you; and you may say—I have asked a
clean heart, a stayed mind, a baptism of the Spirit. Well,
they are mine; I shall enjoy them. They are given as
an estate left to me: but I now want to enter into the
possession. My Jesus is preparing my heart for his own
abode. He will enter, and with him all his fulness, to
fill up every aching void.
August 14, 1802. I have not written much the begin-
ping of this year, except what concerned the death of
PART VII.]
369
MRS. FLETCHER.
dear Mrs. Yate.* She has long walked in the ways of
God, and often enjoyed sweet and close communion with
him. When very young she received a letter which
treated on the different states of the inward and outward
court worshippers.† She threw the letter on the table,
and clasping her hands together, she fell on her knees,
and cried to the Lord with a strong and vehement cry,
that she might become one of those who should worship
him in spirit and in truth. Her prayer was answered,
and she became truly devoted to a crucified Saviour.
The souls of her children lay very near her heart, and
she spared no pains to bring them to the knowledge of
God. In the cause of God she was deeply engaged, and
to the utmost of her strength, visiting the sick, and invit-
ing sinners to the Lord. She was led in the way of the
cross, and being weak in body, she was much exposed to
temptation. In her last illness, she was frequently
buffeted by the enemy of her soul; at other times she
was much comforted. Her most painful temptation was,
that the Lord would forsake her in the last conflict.
After enduring this for some time, she told me of some
promises which had been applied to her mind; above all
that word, "There is no condemnation to them that are
in Christ Jesus." Yet these glooms, as she called them,
appeared dreadful to her. While we were conversing,
the spirit of faith came over us both, the light dispelled
all darkness, and in speaking and prayer, there was a
power quite uncommon. She said, "I think you never
had such a time in this house before ;" and indeed it was
true. From that hour she expressed herself as quite in
peace, ever after saying, “I have nothing to trouble me
One day she said, When I look on my limbs,
worn to a skeleton, it is with pleasure; for I know I shall
go to God. At another time she observed, These words
are much with me, Beloved, think it not strange con-
now."
* See page 327.
+ Written by Mrs. Fletcher,
M. Tooth.
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cerning the fiery trial which is to try you." I leave
myself in His hand, and all is peace.
On the 21st of January, I was conversing with her,
and exhorting her to live the present moment as if she
was sure to die the next. A clear light seemed to shine
powerfully on my mind, as I was speaking; she entered
into it, and was refreshed. As soon as I was gone, that
word was strongly impressed on her heart, This is the
way, walk ye in it. On the 27th, she observed, how
comfortably she had walked ever since, that life or
death were now quite equal; and that she wanted nothing
but the will of God to be done. "I am (said she) quite
happy, and that word, our Father, is so opened to me, ast
fills me with delight. I have nothing to hold me here.
No, I am ready to give all up. My children are near
and dear to me, but I am ready to leave them at his call.”
She had close trials, such as caused the most tender feel-
ings. She observed, “I cannot distrust the Lord, for he
supports me through every thing. This morning, as I
was in prayer, a wonderful sweetness came over my
soul; and my will was so lost in the will of God as I
never found it before. I saw myself perfectly safe in his
hand, and I cannot ask either for myself or my children
any thing but his will. My dependence on the Lord is
entire. I would not have a choice of my own for all the
world. He orders every thing for me, small and great.
No, I want nothing for soul or body but by his order. He
is continually telling me, In blessing I will bless thee. O
how sweet is that word, 'There is no complaining in
our streets!' No, no, I cannot complain, I have no
cause. All around me is blessing, and the best of all is,
my heart is full of love. O love, love! Let there be
nothing but love in my soul."
After a little while, she said, "I want to feel the change
more forcibly, I want to realize heaven ;—I do not seem
to see glory!" I replied, Jesus was perfectly holy, yet
his soul was sorrowful unto death. Holiness is not to be
measured by perfect joy, but by perfect resignation. You
PART .VII]
371
MRS. FLETCHER.
can see Jesus, and feel no will but his. She replied, "O
yes, yes, I can see him, he is ever with me, I have no will
but what is lost in God: and I am waiting the accomplishment
of many glorious promises, which have been given me."
66
March 7. She told me her cough had been very bad,
and almost constant, but, said she, "With every fit of
coughing, the Lord gave me some comfortable word.
That word came with great power, Not a sparrow falls
to the ground without your Father." She added, "I have
had a night of suffering and of comfort; all my sins were
brought before me, even from my infancy, and I saw in
myself such a depth of the fall as I cannot put into words,
but I need not fear since Jesus saves me. He forgiveth
iniquity, transgression, and sin, and I felt it was so. After-
ward that word was applied, Eye hath not seen, nor
ear heard; neither hath it entered the heart of man to
conceive what God hath prepared for them that love
him :" and O how I felt it was prepared for me! Yes,
he hath prepared a place for me, and I shall be with him.
In the afternoon I was thinking of my husband and child-
ren, in particular the two little ones, when I had such a
discovery of the tender love and guardian care of the
Lord, as took away every anxious thought. O he is all
in all true, I would not take them out of his hand for the
world. How is it, when I lie awake for hours, and cannot
sleep, nor hardly move, I can lie so comfortable! I feel
such a rest in God as sweetens all." She desired me to
return thanks to all her dear friends who had shown such
sympathy through all her sufferings. Thus like a truly
patient lamb she lay before the Lord from day to day,
longing for the happy hour of admittance into glory. As
her outward strength decayed, her love, patience, and
entire resignation, visibly increased.
April 12. She could scarcely speak, her throat being
much affected as well as her lungs. She looked on me,
and said, "I am very ill, but happy in my soul. I have
had a sweet night. I have no fear, no doubt;—I am
waiting for the Lord." Soon after she began to change
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for death. She asked to be lifted up in order to tell more
of the goodness of God, but could not form the words
she wanted to speak. She at length said, “I have strong
confidence,”—and soon after, without a struggle, she en-
tered into the joy of her Lord.
I praise the Lord for the measure of health I enjoy,
which, when I do not go beyond my strength, is quite
comfortable. And now, my Saviour, shine upon my soul,
and tell me how it is with that? I think I feel my de-
pendence more singly on Jesus, more weaned from earth,
and more athirst for the whole mind of Christ. Indeed
there are moments when all is clear; but I want not to
have a thought but such as is approved by a smile of
Jesus, and to have a witness constant and clear that no-
thing but love dwells in my soul. I know I do taste of
pure love, but I do not abide in Jesus, therefore I do not
bring forth much fruit. There is an entering into rest
which I have of late been particularly led to ask for;
sometimes it seems near, and I am waiting for it in a
clearer manner than usual. Some observations which I
read the other day, were much blessed to me. Speak-
ing to a mourning soul, the author says, "Make God, as
He is in himself, the object of thy joy, without any con-
sideration of thyself at all.* Let your soul exult in that
thought, The Lord is my strength and my song, He also is
become my salvation. Observe, the Lord is then strong
for and in you when you look to him alone, unmixed with
any thing else. But on the other hand,
But on the other hand, when the eye of
the soul is double, looking partly for a fitness in itself,
the light is put out, as it is said of our Lord, He could
not do many mighty works because of their unbelief. This
looking unto Jesus, is both an emptying and a filling grace.
It empties the soul of self, and the creature, and fills it
with God. It is a transforming view; the more we see
of him, the more we shall be like him. Does he not tell
thee, This is the victory whereby we overcome, even your
faith. Wouldst thou have the victory first, and believe
* See the Note in page 259.
Part F
373
MRS. FLETCHER.
VII.]
afterward? But I am conscious of idols?' Then plead
the promise, From all thine idols I will cleanse thee. This
is reaching out to the things before. But I fear I am not
willing to part with them.' Perhaps not; but if thou
wilt look to Jesus, and wait at his feet, and tell him of thy
helplessness, he will so shine out on thy soul that the
love of all other things shall drop off. What becomes of
the stars when the sun shines? Do they not disappear
before the greater light? So shall every other love be-
fore that mighty love he will pour into thee. But re-
member thou art to hold fast thy confidence, which hath
great recompense of reward; for ye have need of patience,
that when ye have done the will of God ye may receive the
promise. Now this single eye, this constant act of faith,
glorying in hope to the end, is doing the will of God, and
thus you shall receive the promise."
But
November 13. Yesterday concluded twenty-one years
since I joined in an eternal covenant with my dear Mr.
Fletcher. O what advantages I have had through my
union with some of the most excellent of the earth!
alas, how little have I profited to what I might have done!
I have this morning been crying to the Lord to stir me up
to more faithfulness. I am now in my 64th year,—almost
at the end of my race, and the great work of an entire
conformity to God is yet to be gained. I found freedom
in prayer, so that an hour on my knees seemed to pass as
quick as a quarter usually does, and I hope and believe I
shall from this day keep up the intense desire.
Sunday, November 22. Through illness I have been
out but once this day. It is long since I have been forced
to miss a meeting, but I find all right my Master orders.
It has been a good Sabbath to my soul. I was truly hum-
bled to hear how the dear people wept and prayed for
me! O my God, let that word be perfectly fulfilled,
"Then shalt thou have thy delight in the Almighty, and
shall lift up thy face unto God." As I was reading the
xxxi. of Genesis, that word struck me, I am the God of
32
374
[PART VII.
THE LIFE OF
Bethel! Twenty years had elapsed, yet, saith God, I am
He that gave thee those sweet promises in that place. I
am the same for ever! While meditating on this, it
seemed as if He said to me, I am the God who told thee,
Thou shalt walk with me in white. Ah! my Lord, I hang on
thee with a firm belief. Thy words are tried words, purer
than silver. The Lord will keep His promise for ever.
December 23. I was much struck this morning in
reading at the time of family prayer, the account of Jacob
wrestling with the angel. I felt it kindle in me a degree
of ardour which I did not feel before, to say with him,
I will not let thee go unless thou bless me,-yea, with the
full communion of thy love.
February 18. I have been confined near a month, and
only able to speak in a low whisper. The disease is sup-
posed to be a dropsy in the chest. I am sometimes in
the night in danger of being suffocated. The night before
last I was very bad: and as I lay waiting in peace before
the Lord, that word was applied with unusual power,
"Call upon me in the day of trouble, I will deliver thee,
and thou shalt glorify me." Ah! my Lord, I do call on
thee for more grace, but I cannot ask life or death ; I love
the dear people, and feel a pain in leaving them; yet I
can only commit all to my adorable unerring Head.
April 5. Last night I laboured much for breath, and
could not lie down. I saw myself encompassed with
mercy and love. As I was reflecting on the uncertainty
of the issue of my complaint, the thought struck me, my
Lord was at this season sold into the hands of men, who
strove to join with devils to afflict him; and if kind phy-
sicians should mistake, and make me suffer, I may be said
to be given into the hands of men,-but not without the
Lord. These words were sweet,
"I fain with thee would sympathize,
And share the sufferings of my Lord!"
As I was reflecting that I had nothing to plead, only
"Jesus my salvation is,
This shall stand, and only this,”—
PART VII.]
375
MRS. FLETCHER.
came,
I
a dart came across my mind,—What if Calvinism be true?
Then you may be one he hates !-Immediately that word
He hateth nothing that he hath made, His mercy
is over all his works." Well, my Lord, this I plead,
am thine, save me! Give me to glorify thee, through the
fire and through water. The tenderness of Miss Tooth,
whom the Lord hath sent to me, is very great.
April 11. The Lord hath permitted me to be sorely ex-
ercised through the want of breath. The night before
last I was forced to sit up in bed till four o'clock. Last
night, blessed be God, the fit lasted but one hour, and
then I rested comfortably. My one act is that of cling-
ing to the will of God.
June 2. Blessed be the Lord, He hath fulfilled his
word. He bid me "call upon him in the day of trouble ;"
and in my deliverance I do glorify Him, and acknowledge
his dear and powerful hand. I have been for some time
restored to my comfortable meetings, and preserved in
tolerable health, with power to lie down in peace, and
take quiet rest. O that this late dispensation may rouse
my soul more abundantly to labour after a more perfect
rest! Lord, establish me with thy free Spirit! This morn-
ing one called who gave me the following extraordinary
account. "On Saturday I had that word applied, As
the Father hath loved me, so have I loved you, abide ye
in my love.' But on the Sunday night while you were
speaking on-How we ought to venture on Christ, my
soul was greatly lifted up, my faith began to rekindle,
and I felt extraordinary power all the way home. At
family prayer my soul was sweetly drawn out. Just as
we were going to bed, I opened my Testament on those
words, Ask what ye will, and I will do it for you.' I
felt the power, and thought I will not go to bed; I will
stay and wrestle with the Lord. I did so; and O,
what did I feel! I have often had glorious times, but
never such a time as that. Those precious words were
applied. You are sealed to the day of redemption.'
Since then, as I was hearing a sermon on the new Jeru
•
•
.
376
[PART VIE.
THE LIFE OF
salem, I had such a glorious sight as I cannot describe!
I cannot tell it to you." I asked, Was it a sight of the
place, or of the Saviour! He answered, “It was both. I
had four distinct sights; I saw the glory of the Father,
the glory of the Redeemer, and then the Redeemer in
his manhood, as covered with wounds :-and also the
Holy Spirit in his glory, ready to seal every soul who
would take shelter in those wounds! I now feel my
soul all on the watch. I seem as if I feared to speak or
move lest I should in any wise grieve that Holy Spirit."
My soul was much comforted at hearing this. Ah!
Lord, hast thou begun? Then thou wilt go on.
I do now
believe an outpouring of thy Spirit will soon be given,
and "times of refreshing shall come from the presence
of the Lord." This man had a taste of pure love some
months ago, but lost it through unprofitable reasonings.
Ever since his first awakening he has been a pattern to
others, and, I believe, never lost his first love.*
وو
July 4. When I awoke, I found those words applied,
"Pray without ceasing, and in every thing give thanks.'
This morning reflecting on them while in prayer,
the whole passage seemed to be applied to my heart,
Rejoice evermore, pray without ceasing, and in every
thing give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Je-
sus concerning you." The last word made a deep im-
pression, "concerning you ;"—And I take it as a mes-
sage from heaven. Lord, give me power to fulfil this
sweet direction!
July 18. A few nights since those words seemed con-
tinually with me,
"In all my ways His hand I own,
His ruling providence I see."
The next day a change took place in my house, and se-
veral circumstances occurred in church affairs. O what
a comfort was that sentence to me! Yes, my Lord, I do
see thou dost order all things, and on thee I rest.
*It is with great propriety that Mrs. Fletcher bears this testimony con-
serning the spirit and conduct of a person who was favoured with such
manifestations. Ed.
PART VII.]
377
MRS. FLETCHER.
August 19. This last week has been very solemn.
Eighteen years my dear husband has been in glory. O!
how has each day brought its remembrance! O carry
on thy work in my soul with more power! I cannot
have much longer to remain here. I see and feel thy
gracious hand extended over me for good, and I long for
a full conformity to my Lord.
November 12.
This day twenty-two years, at this
very hour, I was in Batley church, solemnly engaging
to be one soul, one body, one interest, with my beloved
husband for ever! But what have I seen in these twenty-
two years? What deep waters have I passed through!
I have been brought through, and mercy hath followed
me to this hour. On this day I devote myself afresh to
God. Let our wedding-day be a fresh consecration unto
Him who is the centre of our union! A little before my
dear love's last illness he indulged a train of thoughts on
what I should do, and how I should live without him.
He spoke tenderly of my marrying again; but finding I
could not bear the thought, he said no more. Since his
death the light hath always shone quite clear on my soul!
—that I was not called to join in marriage with any man
on earth, but to preserve the privileges of a single life
which are so graciously bestowed upon me. Satan has
spared no pains to trouble me in this way; but blessed
be the Lord, my light in this hath never been darkened
one moment. I am the Lord's, and he hath opened my
way before me, and still makes my cup run over with
loving-kindness and mercy.
"Bless the Lord, O my
soul, and all that is within me bless His holy name.'
November 14. In meeting the people on Sunday
morning I was struck with that thought, "The mind is
to the soul, what the mouth is to the body." I must
take in food or lose my strength; but if I take poison I
must die. Nay, if I avoid poison, but yet feed on wood
and chaff, I shall as surely die. So the mind is the
mouth of the soul; and though I should start at any
32 *
378
[PART VII.
THE LIFE OF
thought apparently sinful, yet if I starve it instead of con-
tinually endeavouring to draw the sincere milk of the word,
I still sow to corruption, and what I sow that I shall reap.
Then let me fix my eye on the great mystery of God
made man! Why did God become man? It was man
by whom the covenant was broken, and therefore man
must have suitable punishment laid upon him. It was
God with whom it was broken, and therefore God must
have suitable satisfaction made unto him. And as to that
satisfaction, it was man that had offended, therefore it
was man alone that could make it suitable. It was God
that was offended, and therefore it was God alone that
could make it sufficient. Now, being man as well as God,
it behooved him to fulfil all righteousness, to keep the
whole law in the perfect manner required by the Adamic
dispensation: yet, as being God coequal with the Fa-
ther, it was not from duty, but merely upon our account,
that he thus subjected himself to the yoke of his own
laws, himself, as God, being the Lawgiver, and so no
more under it than the Father himself. Whatever there-
fore Christ did or suffered in the flesh, was meritorious,
and the believer has accepted it. Mr. Wesley observes,
in his note in the sermon on the Lord our Righteousness,
This obedience of Christ, as it was infinite, pure, and
perfect, did, without doubt, infinitely transcend all the
obedience of all the sons of men, even if they had re-
mained in their primitive state; for their obedience
would still have been but the obedience of finite creatures,
whereas the obedience of Christ was the obedience of
one who was truly God as well as man, by which the
laws of God had a divine obedience performed to them.
They could command no more than the obedience of
finite creatures; whereas the obedience of Christ was
the obedience of one who was the infinite Creator, as
well as a finite creature; and by this he hath purchased.
for us a far greater salvation than if man had not fallen. As
our Head he hath also entered, yea, as our Forerunner,
into that glorious union with the Deity which we could.
·
Part VII.]
379
MRS. FLETCHER.
never have known but by the Word being made flesh, and
performing this righteousness in our behalf. Now this
transcendent glory, called the joy of the Lord, we are
called to enter into-to be heirs of God, and joint-heirs
with Christ! As himself hath said, The glory which thou
hast given me, I have given them !
December 3. This day three years my dear Sally
entered glory. O that I may be permitted to share with
her the inheritance of the saints in light. I think I do en-
joy it in a measure, for it is amazing to me how calm
and comfortable my mind is kept, and how the Lord doth
provide help for me in every circumstance. I have
nothing to do but prepare for death. O for a constant
look upward!
March 3, 1801. I have a deep conviction on my mind
to-day of that truth, The heart of man always seeks rest
in something; therefore thoughts that please, and that
have not the appearance of evil in themselves, yet if
they are unnecessary they may lead to a seeking rest out
of God. Here I have found Satan very busy, and am
often forced to cry out, "I will know nothing but Jesus
Christ, and him crucified." My heart is much in expec-
tation of a closer union with my God than I have ever
known. I wait for the Lord.
April 26. Glory be to God! I find him near, he
seems to be sitting on my soul as a refiner's fire, and so
calling every thought into judgment as I never found be-
fore. We have had very sweet times of worship lately.
The Lord is indeed carrying on his work, blessed be his
name; and I trust this meeting of the children will be
for good. In this Miss Tooth is made of great use to me.
O my tender Father! Thou dost not suffer me to want
any thing.
June 17. Help me, O my Saviour! It seems as if I
could not get those answers to prayer which I want.
Yet he gives me little touches-some tokens for good,
before I rise from my knees. But Oh! it is not what I
long for. Such a sight I have of late into that word,
380
[PART VII.
THE LIFE OF
Let that mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus! O how
much is contained therein! Yet I see it is my privilege,
"Herein
for so I see the privilege held out by St. John,
is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in
the day of judgment, because as He is, so are we in this
world." I find many have been blest in our meetings
lately; but I did not hear of it till several days after the
time. And hence it has been a season of temptation and
discouragement with me. I thought what I had said was
so short of what ought to have been spoken, that all the
next week I felt a deep conviction, that unless the Lord
put words into my mouth, and gave power with them, no
good would be done. I even feared that the Lord did
not approve of my calling the people together, when
there was no one but me to speak to them. Yet I knew
well that all the good done upon the earth is the Lord's
doing, and that he can work by the meanest instrument.
However, this was the conclusion, I must ask and wrestle
for every meeting, public and private, and hang by faith
on Christ alone, believing that word, "It is not you that
speak, but the Spirit of your Father which speaketh in
you." On last Monday night I felt the answer. Then I
had great freedom, and I cannot tell how many have
since praised God for the blessing brought into their
souls that night. I can do nothing without much prayer.
July 10.
We have had an awful affair at a pit hard by.
Three young men were killed outright. The following
Sunday they were buried, and it was computed that more
than a thousand persons attended their funeral. Mr.
Walter took the opportunity to speak to them, I trust
not without effect. As some had been burnt in that pit
not long before, the master ordered the tools, &c. to be
brought up, declaring he would have no more coal got
there, at least for a time. Accordingly a man, one of
our exhorters, who was an overseer of the work, went
down with his eldest son, a fine youth about sixteen, and
some other men. Just as the overseer got in, the va-
pour caught fire again, killed his son, and a boy who was
PART VII.]
381
MRS. FLETCHER.
with him, and most dreadfully burnt himself, and another
man. Here was a trial indeed! Both himself and his
wife much delighted in that son, who was carried home
dead, and himself not likely to live an hour. His wife,
who had a child at her breast, fainted away, and for some
time it was not known which would die first. But the
Lord supported them both by his almighty power; and
the man was so filled with the love of God, in his great-
est extremity of pain, that he has been a wonder to all.
He declared, that the Lord did so make his bed in his
sickness that he could feel no will but that of God; and
in that will he did glory! The other person who was
burnt, was a young man that had a few years ago had some
desires after true religion, but of late he had wholly
fallen back. Between the two there was a striking con-
trast. The young man was all terror, and shrieked
dreadfully. He had no comfort in pain, and no pleasant
prospect if it should end in death. O what need have
we to use the present hour! Lord, give us unceasing
prayer! O let us live in the constant view of eternity!
It is hoped both the men will recover.
August 27th. Glory be to God! I daily prove he is
faithfulness and love. A few mornings ago I awoke with
that word, “ As thy day so shall thy strength be." I did
not take particular notice of it then; but yesterday,
through an uncommon providence, I was called to go
through such fatigue as to me seemed impossible. Yet
I was carried through all with such ease, both as to body
and mind, as amazed me. O let me learn by all to live
without fear, for I have in thee, O Lord, such a treasure-
house as will always supply my every want.
There is
no room for fear or care. No, "the government is on
thy shoulder." All the weight lies there, and my busi-
ness is to sing and praise all the way through.
November 9. Many mercies am I surrounded with;
and though I have many infirmities of body, yet they
are so held as with a bridle that I do not suffer much,
and am able to attend all my appointments. I see all right;
382
the life of MrS. FLETCHER. [PART VII.
to be sure there are circumstances which would once
have been a cross, but I am fully convinced all comes
through my Saviour's hand, and therefore I know all
shall work for good. I see my situation well suited for
growing in grace, and I do grow, but O that it were
faster. I remember a time when I rather shrunk at
repeating that line of the hymn,
"Give me to feel an idle thought,
As actual wickedness;"
but truly I do now feel it so. I see the need there is of
being all eye, not only against what appears evil, but
also what is called innocent, but is really useless. Last
week I received a letter from Leeds, informing me of
the death of Sister Crosby. I had a few days before
received one from her own hand, a very precious one;
and observed on it, how her eyes and strength held out,
though ten years older than me. Her call was sudden,
-but one day's illness; during which she was kept in
faith and love, and departed (as it appeared) in her sleep
in the evening. A mother in Israel hast thou been, and
thy works shall praise thee in the gates.
November 12. This day is particularly solemn to
me. It is just twenty-three years this morning, both by
the year, and by the day, since I was at this very hour
going to Batley church, to give my hand to my dearly-
beloved Mr. Fletcher. O, what fears did I feel, lest it
should be a step out of God's way! The light I had
before, seemed that morning to be quite obscure; but
as soon as it was over, the light broke out on my soul,
and it hath shone clearer and clearer ever since. Blessed
be God that I ever took that step! It was the Lord that
brought us together, and joined us in an eternal union!
Nor do I find that union any less; nay it is at this moment
far greater than on that day. O that I were more spi-
ritual! then I should partake more fully of the inherit-
ance which he enjoys in the kingdom of our Father,
END OF THE SEVENTH PART,
PART THE EIGHTH.
rest.
Her declining years.
January 1, 1805.
AND now another year is gone! Lord, what shall I
say? Have I got nearer to thee? In some things I have;
but ah! Lord, show forth thy mighty power, and lift me
above all! Make "my feet as hinds' feet," that I “ may
tread on the high places," and never let in a thought that
doth not lead to Thee! In the last month, on the 7th
day, my dear, my only sister, was called to her eternal
We had not seen each other for some years, but
constantly wrote all our minds and every concern to
each other. Providence had thrown us, as to habitation,
far asunder. In her last hours she expressed faith and
resignation, and that she was waiting for the coming of
the Lord, and repeatedly begged me to give her up.
cannot but rejoice in her escape from suffering to eternal
bliss, though the remembrance of our early pilgrimage
is ever present to my mind. Her kind concern for me
she has shown by leaving me fifty pounds a year for life.
Some time since it seemed probable I should lose thirty
pounds a year, and in that case I must draw back the
help I give to some particular persons and affairs; and
now the Lord hath taken care for that also. O,
O, how
faithful is my God! Eternity seems very near, my
breath grows shorter, and my strength begins to fail.
Well, the will of God is all; and it is all my desire, that
it may be perfectly done in me.
I
February 23. I have had views of my past life lately,
which seem to have discovered a depth of the fall of
which I was not conscious. These openings endear the
Saviour abundantly.-O how little did I know myself
when the Lord, who knew me thoroughly, was heaping
blessings upon me, and inviting me to his bosom! Some
384
[PART VIII.
THE LIFE OF
years since, a person with whom I was intimate, and whe
meant well, was certainly very imprudent. Some of the
blame fell on me, though I was quite clear. But I feared
the reproach, and in order to justify myself, I told many
of the particulars which were not necessary, and thus
I rather aggravated the circumstances. I was afterward
much pained. The other night, as I lay in bed, it all
came before me. I was nearly crushed,-until those
words gave me some relief-"They to whom much is
forgiven, love much." O my gracious Lord, let this be
fulfilled in me!*
This morning in prayer, and afterward in reading the
second and third chapter of the Colossians, I felt much
encouragement. This day I could not but observe, that
a power had rested on my mind ever since Sunday, which
had kept off the enemy when he would approach; and if
a thought would strive to creep in, I felt as if my faithful
Lord gave me instantly a check, and excited me to be-
All these days I have seen such various mercies
as I cannot express. Truly I can say,
ware.
"In all my ways his hand I own,
His ruling providence I see."
I was greatly struck last night by hearing of a young wo-
man who was to have been married next Monday. One
of her ungodly companions, on the pit-bank, asked her
where she intended to keep her wedding? She pro-
fanely answered, "In hell." Soon after, being at her
work near the mouth of the pit, her foot slipped, she fell
in, and was dashed to pieces! This and some other
things which have lately occurred of the same kind,
seem to have brought eternity very near. O how im-
portant is every moment.
October 12. Come, Lord Jesus, and give me the
complete victory! Last Sunday was a time of power to
many, as they have since told me. This day I have been
pleading with the Lord to take me altogether into his
* How afflicting to a pure conscience does any transgression of the law
of love appear, even after it has been forgiven, and the corrupt principle
removed from the soul! Ed.
FART VIIL]
385
MRS. FLETCHER.
hand. O, what a struggle it is to keep faithful in reject-
ing useless thoughts!
O, how hard never to offend with
the tongue!
December 13. Glory be to God for many mercies
since I wrote last. Some peculiar answers to prayer I
must relate. The rich hardly enter into the kingdom, and
therefore we the more abundantly praise Him in behalf
of Mrs. B. and Mrs. E. Mrs. B. was, by nature, re-
markable for a worldly spirit, a lion-like temper, and
being hard to please. She had also used the means of
grace for several years, without bearing fruit. About
two years ago her health began to decline; and soon
after conviction began to fasten on her soul, though her
complaint did not appear dangerous. Her cry was, for
the comforts of religion, and she wondered why she
could not feel them as others did. I clearly saw she was
still unawakened, though somewhat enlightened. We
prayed for her, and with her; and in a few months she
began to feel she was a sinner. Her disorder also grew
extremely painful; but her cry now was, " O, I hope the
Lord will not take away my pain till he sees I shall not
grow hardened again. O, what a gospel-hardened sinner
have I been! I have sat under the strongest truths ;
and all the time the world had my heart. Sometimes I
did feel too; but as soon as I came home, all was gone.
Yes, I had rather have my pain, bad as it is, than be
gospel-hardened again." She continued mourning a long
time, often saying, I can get no answer, no, not the least
answer yet I hope too.
answer-yet hope too. Those words of the hymn are
often on my mind,
"I the chief of sinners am,
But Jesus died for me."
The lion was
We n
e now began to discern a great change.
lost in the dove and the lamb. She continued to increase,
by degrees, in her confidence. Sometimes she found
such a hold of the Saviour, and such overflowing love, as
if she could never fear more. Then conflicts would re-
33
386
[PART VIIL
THE LIFE OF
her
turn, but her faith grew more firm, till, at length,
peace was unshaken. For a long time, either Miss
Tooth, or myself, have seen her continually, and wit-
nessed the mighty change which was wrought on her.
One only darling child, a nice house just built, and many
other ties she had to hold her here; but all was but as a
grain in the balance in her account. She had truly sold
all for the pearl of great price, and in the possession of
that she was content, and proved to the last moment that
she was a new creature.
The other I shall give in Miss Tooth's own words.
"October the 3rd, Mrs. M. acquainted me with the ill-
ness of Mrs. E. expressing a wish that I would see her, as
it was too far for Mrs. Fletcher. I went the next morning,
and found her very weak, but desirous of help for her
soul. She told me, she had for some time been convinced
there was no happiness but in religion. I endeavoured
to point her to the source of all consolation, the atoning
Lamb of God, who is ever ready to receive conscious
sinners. When I had prayed, and was leaving her, she
expressed herself in a most grateful manner, thanking me
for my kindness in coming to see her, and begged to be
remembered to Mrs. Fletcher, adding, 'How happy are
the people who receive instruction from her.' She had
attended Mrs. M's school, and therefore was accus-
tomed to Mrs. Fletcher's meetings. The next time I
saw her, I read Mr. Fletcher's two letters to Miss Ire-
land, who died of the same complaint--a consumption.
She seemed much affected the whole time we were to-
gether. After prayer I entreated her not to rest satis-
tied with any comfort she might feel, but to be earnest
with the Lord for a clear manifestation of his love to her
soul. The next time I went, Mr. E. being at home, I
could not see her, he being quite averse to it. However,
I went again, and now all my fears were done away.
what a change had taken place! the new song was indeed
put into her mouth, even of praise and thanksgiving unto
our God. As soon as I came to her bed-side, she reached
O
PART VIII.]
387
MRS. FLETCHER.
That is a sweet word, Whom
and scourgeth every son that
O
But it is no
out her hand, saying, 'I am glad to see you.' I answered,
So am I, my dear, to see you, and I trust you have had
some gracious visits from the Lord since we met last.
She answered, O yes, many, many.' Then looking
earnestly at me, she said,
the Lord loveth he chasteneth,
he receiveth! And you know St. Paul saith, These light
afflictions which are but for a moment, shall work out for
us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory. Then
with her arms thrown up, as in a rapture of delight, she
repeated, far more exceeding, a far more exceeding!
O, it is not possible to tell you what I feel in those words.'
I said, My dear, you have now a sweet foretaste of that
enjoyment you will shortly have in full possession.
yes,' replied she, that is the thing, that is the thing! I
am now so sure I shall be happy! Yes, die when I
will, I am sure I shall be eternally happy!
merit of mine ; no, it is nothing I have done. No, no, it is
Jesus Christ hath died for me! that is the comfort. O
Miss Tooth, that is the comfort, Jesus Christ hath died
for me!' Yes, I replied, that will never fail you. The
Lord has been very gracious to you, and when I get
home and tell dear Mrs. Fletcher, how will she praise
the Lord for this! She then cried out, 'O beg her to
pray for me.
As long as I am here I hope she will not
forget me. I have had those words very much on my
mind, Be ye also ready, for at an hour that ye think not
the Son of Man cometh.' With great solemnity, she re-
peated, ' at an hour ye think not.' I said, You can now
praise the Lord that he did not call you at an hour when
you thought not of him. O yes,' said she, "I praise him
for it. I praise him also every hour for this affliction :
this light affliction.' She again expressed much love to
Mrs. Fletcher, and said, 'I shall see her in glory.' She
parted from me in words of heavenly love, and triumphant
joy. Soon after she desired one present to read the bu-
rial service, to which she listened with great attention;
but when they came to those words, Thanks be to God
'
388
[PART VIII.
THE LIFE OF
who hath given us the victory through our Lord Jesus
Christ, she was transported, and shouted aloud the high
praises of her Saviour, who had given her the victory.
'I have it, I feel it,' she cried out! And in the same hea-
venly triumph she departed, and entered her heavenly.
Father's house."
January 23, 1806. Blessed be the Lord I feel an en-
couraging hope, that this will be the best year of my life.
I am waiting for my Lord to come and make my heart his
loved abode, the temple of indwelling God. O how sweet
is the communion of saints, when we meet with those who
are all alive, or who are thirsting so to be! but alas! how
rare are they found! Last Tuesday we had Brother H.
to preach here. I found him a man of God indeed, both
his sermon and his prayers had much unction. We had
some comfortable conversation after supper. His words
tended to raise faith and love in our souls. Among other
profitable particulars, he mentioned one manifestation: it
was as follows:-In his sleep he thought he was going to
die, and pleaded that the Lord would give him the meet-
ness for glory. After a time it was spoken to his heart,
"It is done, it is done;" and he felt it was so, and found
himself filled with the heavenly mind. Then he saw an-
gels all round his bed,-one in particular of great beauty
at the foot. He thought himself dying, and lay with great
delight waiting the event. It then appeared to him he
drew his last breath, on which the beautiful angel at the
foot of the bed, clasped him in his arms, and conveyed
him to the heavenly gates, which, as he stood before them,
appeared very glorious. The angel then touched the
gates, which immediately flew open, and such streams of
glory came out, as seemed to constrain him to draw back
some paces, as being a greater delight than he could yet
bear; but presently he went forward and entered the
holy city. There he saw an innumerable company of
glorified spirits, and the Patriarchs in a circle. Next to
that circle, he saw another, of the Prophets; and within
that, all the Apostles. He then cried out, "But where
PART VIII.]
389
MRS. FLETCHER.
is Jesus?" The adorable God-man then appeared in
view! which sight filled his soul with joy inexpressible;
and he observed beams of glory which proceeded from
our Lord, and touched every one of the glorified spirits,
showing how all their glory sprang from their union with
the supreme Good. His ecstasy was now so great, he
cried out, and shouted the name of Jesus till he awoke.
He told me that for about three days he scarcely knew
where he was, his soul was so wrapt up in the heavenly
vision. I felt my soul much refreshed by his conversation.
S
Sunday, March 30. On Tuesday night I dreamed I was
sitting by a table, on which lay the large volume of my
dear Mr. Fletcher's Life. I was at that time very thought-
ful about the printing of his Works, fearing any thing
should be done that he would not approve. He came in-
to the room, but I did not look up, and being desirous to
be alone, I went into the next room, and sat down. He
called to me with his own well-known voice, saying,
“What art thou so afraid of me as to go out of the room
as I come in?" I started up and cried, No, my dear, I
am not afraid of thee. I then returned, and sat down in
my chair by the table; he sat on the other side. Then
taking up the book he said, There is no need for anxiety;
I would have thee read this book, it will give thee plea-
sure. Take it up now; thou wilt find something that will
encourage thee.-Two days after, I received a letter
from Mr. Benson, informing me, that a person in London
had translated Mr. Fletcher's French Poem into English,
and they had some thought of printing it with his other
works, if found to be done in a respectable manner.
Then I understood that my dear love told me of it, in
order to prevent the uneasiness I should have felt had he
not shown a degree of approval. I had no recollection
of the Poem; and that he should know I had not read
the Life, and thus comfort me under the anxiety which I
felt, was very pleasing to me. Q, how indulging is my
heavenly Father!
4
33
390
[PART VIH
THE LIFE OF
May 24.
A thought has much dwelt on my mind for
some days, That we should, many times in a day, ask
ourselves,-Am I now causing joy or grief in heaven?
We are told there is joy in heaven over the sinner that
repenteth, and by parity of reason, over the advance of
every child of God. Those words, (spoken of our Lord)
follow me much, In all their afflictions he was afflicted.
He hath taken our whole nature, and so will abide eter-
nally. But his passions are all regulated by the divine
nature. So in the case of Lazarus it is said, He groaned
in spirit, and troubled himself.* It appears then-that.
he looks with delight or with mourning on his children.
It is said, "As a bridegroom rejoiceth over his bride, so
will the Lord thy God rejoice over thee; He will rest in
his love. He will joy over thee with singing.". And the
idea, that by turning away from this hurtful thought, I
am giving pleasure to my Saviour, and resisting Satan, is
a very animating conviction; but, alas, I cannot express.
it in words it is as if Jesus said, "My desire is towards.
thee; let me not lose one thought."
:
June 30. Blessed be the name of the Lord for the.
answers to prayer I have experienced of late! One above
all the rest demands my loudest praise! I have long-
been crying for my soul to be all eye, so that I should;
discern an unprofitable thought in its approach,-and now
I have, from one particular day, felt this power continu-
ally for about a month. I do not mean that my thoughts
do not wander from the various objects which occur;†
but if a thought would present itself so as to take up the.
mind unnecessarily, in a moment I am warned and ena-
bled to stand upon my guard. O my adorable Saviour!
come and fally possess my soul, and give me such a mea-
sure of thy enlightening spirit that I may clearly discern
the thing which are given me of God!.
Monday, July 7. Last night when I came out from the
Society meeting, I found a letter from London, informing
*In the original it is so. Ed.
See Mr. Wesley's admirable sermon on wandering thoughts. Ed.
PART VIII.]
391
MRS. FLETCHER.
me of the death of my dear brother Samuel, who died
about eleven in the forenoon, on Friday last, the 4th of
this month. I have had much encouragement in my mind
about him for some days, and so have some of my
spiritual friends.
His death seems to bring eternity
very near.
August 14. Three seven years have I walked in
widowhood. O what a situation was I in this day twenty-
one years! What trials have I since known, but what
mercies also! Yes, my gracious Lord, I find thou dost
order all for me! This day I renew my covenant to be
all the Lord's. I know not what bitter cups may yet be
preparing for me, but I here cast myself wholly into thy
hands! My body is weak with age, and threatened with
many painful disorders; but I leave all to thy adorable
will. Miss Tooth seems threatened with a consumption.
This would be an unspeakable loss, for she takes off all
care from me, and is in every way an abundant comfort
and help; but this I also offer up to thee, my Lord.
September 12. This day I enter into my 68th year.
None of my family have lived to my age. Lord, what
shall I do to live more abundantly to Thee? O that I
may take up every cross, and embrace it as a precious
jewel! O, the great advantage of living in the will of
God!
November 12. A memorable day to me! This day
twenty-five years. I gave my hand to my dear Mr. Fletcher.
O, what a oneness of soul do I feel with him still! Lord,
give me the meetness to partake of that joy he lives in!
-I have of late been convinced it would help my faith
to consider deeply what great loving-kindness and guard-
ian care I have experienced from the Lord, since he hath
taken my dear partner to glory. I may say indeed, good-
ness and mercy hath followed me all my days. What a
mercy that this house is still my home! The vicar might
have wanted it himself, or he might wish to let it to some
other person.
But in this Mr. Burton hath shown me
much kindness, as also Mr. Kenerson, the patron ;. may
392
[PART VIII,
THE LIFE OF
God bless them for it, and give them both everlasting
habitations! At this time I feel my soul drawn out after
a closer union with the Lord.
CC
+
February 13, 1807. Though offences will come, yet
we have great cause to be thankful that the work pros-
pers. Since the beginning of this year we have. had
seven triumphant deaths. One of them was Mrs. B.
When I first saw her she was an object of great pity.
She had lived in affluence, but was reduced almost to
beggary. She had no bed. I procured a little one for her,
and she praised the Lord abundantly. She had for more
than half a year laid on the ground. "It was," said she,
very hard, and my bones were sore; but I enjoyed such
communion with God, it bore me above all." She has
suffered much for many years, but always had the con-
solations of God, and sometimes very abundant. A few
weeks before her death, when her son came home one
day, she said, I have had such a manifestation of the
love of God as I cannot describe. I think if I was in
heaven I could not enjoy more than I do!" This con-
tinued with her to the last, She was one of the Lord's.
hidden jewels indeed, little known or noticed among
men. Her appearance was mean, but; she was glorious
within. Another was a child not twelve years old, the
son of W. Smith. He had a long and severe illness,
during which, the Lord brought him to rest in the will of
God to a degree which amazed those about him, and
much comforted his parents. Some time before his death,
he had a wonderful manifestation of the love of God.
He cried out to his father and mother, to be all in
earnest. “It is," said he, "worth your while. O, what
do I see! how pretty! how sweet! how grand! how
glorious!" Then, as conversing with the Lord, he said,
"Lord Jesus, shall I come now? Shall I come now? I
want to be with thee. Let me come now!" He became
silent for some time; then he said. "Not now, I must
suffer longer." Three or four times after this he had
glorious manifestations. In one of them, he told his
1
+
PART VIII.]
393
MRS. FLETCHER.
see."
father how his soul had been grieved to see their work-
men play and trifle." Sure," said he, "they forget that
God sees them every moment; and when I think of
backsliders, it makes my heart ready to bleed to think
there are any who do not love Jesus." He pointed to a
chest of drawers and said, “Father, if those drawers
were full of gold, I would not take it for what I feel and
When near death, as he sat in the chair, (for he
could not lie down nor lean back, for want of breath) he
told them how happy he was, and yet how very bad. He
then said, Father, put the pillow, I will try to lean
back." When this was done, he cried out, " Triumph!
triumph!" He then fell into a sweet sleep for about
three-quarters of an hour; when turning his face on one
side, he died without any struggle. The others all died
in clear light, but I have not the particulars.
March 5. Glory be to God, I see more and more his
tender care is over me and mine. I have had a time of
trial from Miss Tooth's illness this last fortnight, but
much mercy was mixed with judgment. Lord, spare her,
if it please thee! Thou knowest I have need of her
help; but thy will is the arm of the rock I cling to when
the waves go over my head, and I know that rock will
never fail me.
A thought has struck my mind, That from some things
mentioned in the notes subjoined to the Portrait of St.
Paul, edited by Mr. Gilpin, after my dear husband's
death, he might be thought to favour the opinions of
Baron Swedenburg. I therefore think it my duty to bear
my witness to the contrary. The first book which he
saw contained but little amiss, and Mr. Wesley having
observed concerning it," I think it will neither do good
nor harm," Mr. Fletcher soon after writing to his
brother, who had mentioned it, observed, that it was a
book which he did not condemn. But when he had seen
a little more of the Baron's works, he said to me one
day, "Polly, I believe Mr. will be a Swedenburger,
and I am very sorry for it." I said, Well, if he can
394
[PART VIN
THE LIFE OF
believe that there are wax candles and feasts in heaven
he must have strange ideas. Mr. Fletcher replied, "My
dear, thou dost not perceive the snake in the grass
These books deny the atonement, and so strike at the
very root of all true religion." In the same mind he con
tinued to the last.
]
April 3. I feel within these few days, a drawing
nearer to the Lord; and a loving recollection of Hi
presence to be the element in which alone my soul car
grow. I feel an increasing expectation that the Lord
will come, and take up his abode in my soul. Tha
verse in Jeremiah, ch. xxxii. is much on my mind, "I
will make an everlasting covenant with them, that I will
not turn away from them, to do them good; but I will
put my fear in their hearts, that they shall not depart
from me. Yea, I will rejoice over them to do them
good, and I will plant them in this land assuredly with
my whole heart, and with my whole soul." I look now
hourly for this, that according to my former promise, I
may "feed on Carmel and Bashan, and my soul be satis-
fied in a close communion with God.
August 14. This day twenty-two years my dearly-
beloved husband entered glory. When I awoke this
morning, the first thought presented to my mind was,
-How has my soul grown in these twenty-two years?
I felt a deep sinking before the Lord, that it had not
grown more abundantly. I am sensible of a progress,
but alas! it is very small when compared with what might
have been. I place in Jesus my whole confidence. My
hope is in him as my great high priest, and those words
are very sweet to me, "The author and finisher of our
faith.' O my adorable Saviour, I am as the clay in thy
hand; make me such a vessel as thou shalt choose me
to be! Some things have occured which, years ago,
would have been a great trial. But I now see and feel a
great beauty in the cross; and have such evident proof
that He orders all, that I can leave all my cares in his
hand.
:
ART VIN.]
395
MRS. FLETCHER.
September 11. If I live till to-morrow I shall be
ixty-eight years old, and my dear Mr. Fletcher would
n that day have been seventy-eight. O how long has
e been in glory before me! He was ripe, and sweetly
athered into the garner. Lord, prepare thy poor crea-
ure to follow him. I have had my niece Whittingham
my dear sister's daughter,) with me for some time, whom
had not seen since she was twelve years old. I have
ound much satisfaction in the interview. Blessed be
tod for the work wrought on her soul, and for the pious
usband the Lord hath provided for her. How much
etter is she off than if she had remained in the world!
Truly, "Godliness hath the promise of this life, and of
hat which is to come." I am surrounded with blessings;
want no earthly comfort. O that I had a more grateful
¡eart.
I have ex-
One night,
December 15. I have been a fortnight laid aside
rom a bad cold, and much weakness on my lungs;
out what cause have I to praise the Lord!
›erienced his tender care in many ways.
vhen more ill than before, I was offering up my soul and
body for time and eternity, into the hand of my gracious
Redeemer, and longing for a fuller preparation for that
lay, which I saw could not be far off; and being hardly
ble to keep in bed for want of breath,-I found, all at
nce, as if I were surrounded, or overshadowed with
i sweet and sacred power! I cannot describe it; but I
elt as if I was so encircled by, and drawn into the pre-
ence of God, that nothing could approach to hurt me!
I said, Not a thought can arise "to disturb my beloved
ill he please." It lasted about half an hour, and show-
ed me how easy the Saviour can inclose the soul as an
sland in the midst of the sea!
December 31. O my God, how do I close this year?
I am still confined to my chamber, and mend but slowly.
But I feel the Lord is at work on my soul. I pant for a
more lively faith, and, blessed be God, I have found an
396
[PART VIIR
THE LIFE OF
increase since this illness. Truly, he makes all my bed
in my sickness, and keeps me night and day.
January 1, 1808. And do I see the beginning of
another year? Yes, my Saviour! thou dost yet spare
me. I have been sometime in a near prospect of death.
O that I may use every moment to gain more of thy like-
ness! I cannot be far from eternity. O my God make
me ready! I have not been able to begin this year with
the dear people as usual, being still confined, yet mercy
is in all my cup. How light are my pains compared with
others!
February 9. Blessed be the Lord, he hath wonderfully
renewed my strength! I have been out these three
weeks, and have gone through my meetings in the week
as before; and, praised be the Lord! I feel greater
liberty than ever. The other day I found among some
old papers a few lines I wrote many years ago. They
were blest to me; and, as I hope they will be a blessing
to others, I transcribe them.
Saturday, July 18, 1761. We had a good time at the
meeting this morning, at Brother Biggs's. Mr. Fletcher
was with us; and as I was speaking of my discourage-
ments, he said, "Make more use of Jesus. The reason
why you find a spark of faith and love, when you repeat
those words, On thine arm do I trust,'-which you
do not feel at other times is, because at that time you
make an act of faith; but you do not continue that act of
faith, which is the reason you do not always feel the same.
If our anchor is cast within the veil,' we must be cast-
ing it further and further, that we may draw our souls
nearer and nearer to God. There is nothing which
draws my soul to God like the consideration of his love to
me; it is on that I must fix my eyes, and when I feel my
heart has wandered, and I am cold and dead, and unable
to watch and pray, this is my method, I return just as
I am to Christ, and cast myself again on his mercy, plead-
ing-Thou art the righteousness of the ungodly, the
FART VIII.]
397
MRS. FLETCHER.
strength of the weak, the helper of the helpless ;-thou
art the friend of sinners ;-in short, he is the God of
fallen man." He again observed,-" He doth not re-
quire us to stay for a broken heart; for what would
repentance avail if he did not work it? We also lose
much for want of thankfulness. We should praise God
for every good desire we feel, though, perhaps, as yet,
we have not power to put it in practice."
Mr. Maxfield was, at that time, a very blessed instru-
ment among us, and great power attended his word.
Although very painful things afterward occurred. I do
not think myself clear unless I bear a testimony to that
truth. I took down a few particulars of a sermon of his
which I will here repeat.
Sunday, November 2, 1761. Mr. Maxfield preached
on the history of the Israelites taking Jericho. He ob-
served," By what is said of Jericho, we may be in-
structed concerning the evils contained in our hearts.-
It was the Captain of the Lord's host,' by whose com-
mand Joshua acted,-and this captain was our Lord Je-
sus, who still goeth before every one who believes in
his name. But, added he, there is one thing very ma-
terial to observe,- Jericho was straightly shut up, none
went out and none came in.' Now is this the case with
your hearts? Are you watching over your ear, your
eye, your tongue? Are you careful neither to see,
hear, nor speak any thing, but what tends to draw your
souls to God? Many of you will perhaps ask, why do
not the walls of Jericho, my corrupt heart, fall before
the Lord, as I have been seeking so many years.
will tell you why, your Jericho is not straightly shut
up.' It may be that every idle story your neighbour
brings to your ears, or foolish imagination Satan suggests
to your minds, finds a ready entertainment, and your
minds are filled with unprofitable thoughts, which, like a
*He separated from Mr. Wesley, and did much harm in the London
Society. Ed.
I
34
398
[PART VIII.
THE LIFE OF
crowd, get between you and your Saviour. You might
seek thus for ten thousand years, and be no nearer.
Every thought that doth not tend towards God, if in-
dulged, stops the work of sanctification; and you will
never advance towards holiness, till you exert with
resolution the power which God hath given you, in
resisting steadfastly every thought and word which would
But those who are
come between your soul and Christ.
thus watching and keeping their hearts, so that nothing
can find entrance till it be examined, and known from
whence it comes,-Let them take courage. I am sure
your souls thus waiting, will not wait long before your
'Joshua will command them to shout!' Only let them
believe, and continue to watch. The Israelites were
bid not to shout, nor make any noise, till they were
commanded; and when that moment should come, was
known only to Joshua. They believed and followed.
So let us hang by a simple faith on Jesus, listening every
for
moment what his Spirit shall dictate to our hearts;
the Captain of the Lord's host' is with us, and 'he
hath his sword drawn in his hand' to conquer all our
adversaries. And though you feel your sinful tempers,
be not discouraged, for the inhabitants of Jericho were
not only alive to the last, but in full strength. When the
power of faith comes, the strong walls of unbelief shall
drop down, and you shall go up and possess the good
land! How little, and idle, it would appear in the eyes
of these enemies, thus to walk round the walls, blowing
rams' horns! So we think our labour and spiritual
striving avail nothing; but only let us continue to cut off
every word or thought which would give food to the old
man, and thus obey, in firm reliance, that ‘our Joshua
will be the author and finisher of our faith,' and we
shall find him faithful who hath promised, who also
will do it.'
C
March 3. This was a good morning to me, the Lord
was very present when I awoke; and I had such a view
of the all-sufficiency of the Saviour as I cannot express!
PART VIII.]
399
MRS. FLETCHER.
Such a safety in trusting in his arm alone! That thought
struck me,Many great kings have said, "I have no
cause to fear, for I have vast armies, great allies, &c."
But O what a fly did it all appear to me,
when compared
to the power I felt in that simple word, "Jesus is on my
side!"
March 18. Yesterday I found an increase of faith.
O what repeated proofs I have that the Lord doth watch
over his poor creature with guardian care! I had some-
thing to do in the work of God which was attended with
difficulty; and yet I scarcely knew how to go out in the
sharp east wind. But, O how was every thing ordered!
I found also such liberty in visiting the sick, as if every
word was immediately given me. I had such a view into
the way
of faith, and the atonement was made so clear,
as I cannot express. I saw also the Lord's tender care
in a variety of other occurrences. What a freedom
from care hath the soul who singly trusts in Jesus!
March 29. I cannot be thankful as I would for the
restoration of health which I feel. Cold as it is, I have
been enabled to keep to all my meetings,―seven or eight
times a week; and my nights are as comfortable as when
I was but twenty. I feel no complaint of my breath,
when still, nor in bed. O that I might use all my little
strength to the glory of God! I see death very near,
notwithstanding this amendment.
On looking over my Journal, I miss some observations
which I wrote on the death of my dear father in Christ,
Mr. Wesley. I think I must have mislaid that sheet, or
perhaps lent, and so lost it. However, I wish now to
bear my testimony to the truth. I shall have cause to
bless God throughout eternity that ever I knew that
precious and highly favoured servant of the Lord Jesus.
He was indeed a star in the Almighty's hand, and a wón-
derful instrument of good to our nation. When I was
very low after my dear husband's death, among the many
gloomy thoughts which came to my mind, one was, that
I had not so profited by Mr. Wesley's excellent advice
400
[PART VIII.
THE LIFE OF
66
as I might have done; and I wrote to him expressing
that sentiment; to which he gave me the following
answer : My dear sister, I do not remember you ever
disobliged me in any thing. On the contrary, you have
for these many years done every thing in your power to
oblige me." Indeed I saw it my duty so to do, and must
acknowledge my many and great obligations to that great
and good man.
May 26. How good do I find it to lie quiet in the
hand of Jesus! All, all works for good. I have been
ill with a cold three weeks, and trust I am laid aside for
a season, in order to gain the blessings of retirement.
Some fatigues which have occurred from company rather
threw me back. The providence of God appeared so
clear, I could only say, O how true is that word,
"Jesus doth my burden bear,
Jesus takes my ev'ry care."
Some nights when I could not lie down for the cough,
and want of breath, I felt a sweet sense of the presence
of God, and of the heavenly spirits! Not any particular
rapture, but a solemn consciousness; and those words
were with me continually,
"Do what thou wilt with this weak clay,
But let me all thy mind fulfil,
But let me all thy will obey."
✔
June 1. Blessed be the Lord I am better, and was
enabled to meet the class yesterday morning, though I
spoke with difficulty. This morning I have found an
increase of faith in reading the 10th chapter of Hebrews.
O that perfect, that complete sacrifice! Yes, he hath
once for all paid the whole debt, there is therefore a free
and open way into the holiest! I see death so near, I
find it on my heart to pray for, and take thought of, the
work of God in this place. O my Saviour, cause it to
increase abundantly! Keep away stumbling-blocks, and
pour out thy Spirit in a peculiar manner on my dear
husband's orphans. I could wish Miss Tooth to remain
in Madely, if a way should be made for her, and that she
PART VIII.]
401
MRS. FLETCHER.
might be able to take in the preachers. I can see no
other way so likely and proper; and I think it would be
the most comfortable for them. All is in the hand of the
Lord. She has the cause of God truly at heart, and if
her health is restored, she will, I believe, be very useful
to the people. That word I think of with pleasure, All
things are beautiful in their season. So I trust I shall
find it. O that death may have no sting for me, and that
her way may be opened before her by the Lord!
August 4. Having been told by several persons that a
report has got abroad, That my dear Mr. Fletcher ex-
pressed a sorrow for having wrote his CHECKS TO ANTI-
NOMIANISM, and that he died in quite a different opinion.
I do solemnly aver there is no truth in the assertion. So
far from that, a little before his death, speaking of the
hurt that so close an application had caused to his health,
I said, but thou dost not repent the labour? He re-
plied, "O no, it was a great blessing to my soul. And
if my strength was wasted thereby, it was in the cause of
truth." I never knew him have the least variation in
his sentiments; and I am sure he did not willingly con-
ceal any part of his mind from me, any more than I did
from him.
I had this morning a solemn look at death. Many
complaints seem to be gathering about me, and they seem
to portend sufferings, but I feel a spirit of true sacrifice,
and those words are sweetly on my mind,
"Leave to His sov'reign sway -
To choose and to command,
So shalt thou wondering own his way,
How wise, how good his hand !"
August 18. From an uncommon hurry of strangers
being here, and other circumstances, I have had no timẹ
for writing in my journal, though I should have liked to
set down many things. All the last week was very so-
lemn; the day of my dear husband's death, falling on the
Sabbath this year, brought each scene to its own period,
34*
402
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and caused me frequently to look back and praise the
Lord, who had preserved me in the deep waters through
which I at that time passed. I had a most humbling
view of the little progress I have since made; yet I
found a great confidence in my good Shepherd, whose wise
providence I have seen and experienced in a remarkable
manner. He does so fit my strength to my day, and or-
ders all in such wonderful mercy, that truly I am con-
strained to say, (unworthy as I am)
“Round me and beneath are spread
The everlasting arms.
September 12. At eight o'clock this morning, sixty-
nine years ago, I was born. How many dangers I have
passed through! But Thy merciful arm has been over
me, and proved by a thousand and a thousand ways, that
the hairs of my head are indeed numbered. O my great
Deliverer! how hast thou stood by me, and heaped
mercy upon mercy on me!
September 15. I feel a fresh beam of light upon my
soul! A further discovery of the extent of the atone-
ment. On Tuesday night, when at prayer, I found the eye
of faith grow brighter, and the open fountain more plain
before me. O the liberty the believer hath of coming
every moment to the Saviour! If I shut my eyes I may
fancy the sun doth not shine; but the vail is not on the
sun, but on my eyes. The Saviour saith, Whosoever
cometh unto one, I will in no wise cast out. Lord, give me
ever to feel the sense of this truth which I now do, that
every moment I may wash my robes, and both make and
keep them white, for thy blood cleanseth from all sin.
I
Blessed be God, another is gone to her rest, our dear
Sister Benbow, the account of whom, by Miss Tooth,
had not time before to enter. "From what Mrs. Ben-
bow has told me, I have reason to believe she had been
under the drawings of God from her earliest youth.
Some years since she began to come to the Monday meet-
ings at Madely. These she found so profitable, that;
although the difficulty was great, owing to her weakness,
PART VIII.]
403
MRS. FLETCHER.
she would still persevere. These last three years she
has been confined by illness, but often expressed her
longing desire to be at those opportunities again, if the
Lord should permit. Upwards of two years ago I went
to see her, and I may say, I have counted it my privi-
lege and honour to visit her at every opportunity since
that time. She drank in instruction from either conver-
sation or reading. The experience and death of the
children of God were the delight of her soul. Mr.
Fletcher's letters, and his appeal, were much blest to
her. Concerning the latter she would say, “ Blessed be
God for that book, for it hath taught me the way to Jesus
by faith." When I have been reading to her, observing
her pain to be so violent, I have for a time laid the book
aside; but she would say, No, read on, it does me
good. It refreshes me, and gives me encouragement. O
what should I do if his everlasting arms were not under-
neath me, but he does sweetly support me, glory be unto
him."
66
She suffered great pain, even to agony, yet not one
murmuring word was heard to drop from her lips. In
one minute she would be crying out with the violence of
the pain-the next she would be saying, Thy will be
done, my sweet Saviour! I would suffer all thy will.
"I the chief of sinners am,
But Jesus died for me !"
I feel great peace, and those words are powerfully ap-
plied, I know that my Redeemer liveth. I can say with
David, Though my flesh and my heart faileth, God is the
strength of my heart, and my portion for ever. O that
word, for ever! There is something so sweet in that
word, for ever! Another day, as I entered the room,
she cried out with triumphant joy, His banner over me is
love! O the sweet times I have had this last week in
reading the Scriptures! Another time, as I was observ-
ing the power of divine grace in loosing the heart from
earthly attachments, she said, I prove that, for time was
when I seemed to have ten thousand ties to this world,
404
[PART VIII.
THE LIFE OF
but now I have not one. Jesus has broke every chain.
Through all her sufferings her constant language was,
blessing and praising the Lord for his goodness; ever de-
claring all her trust and confidence was in the atoning
blood. Often, in the midst of the most exquisite suffer-
ings, she would enumerate her mercies, saying, What
comforts I am surrounded with! Such tender affection-
ate children to nurse me! And above all, the prayers
of God's people. O, I cannot tell half the things that call
for thankful praise. When the preachers, or Mr. Walter,
visited her, she has often observed to me, with delight,
what a blessing it was to her. On June 3, she told me
she had neither doubt nor fear, nothing disturbed her;
and though in the most violent pain, she cried out, "Not
one pain less! I would not have one pain less, if this
is thy will, my sweet Lord Jesus! In the night of the
7th of June, she waked, and said, I am quite well! I
have neither ache nor pain. Miss Benbow, who sat up
with her, being much affected, and not immediately re-
plying, she again cried out, Nancy, I have neither ache
nor pain! Give praise to the Lord! O give thanks to
God. Miss Benbow said, And are you happy, Mother?
She answered, Yes, quite so. A short time before she
departed, she said, "Sweet Jesus, come quickly!"
These were the last words she uttered. From this time
she lay with a smiling countenance, that bespoke a sweet
serenity within; and at the last she went off so quietly,
they could scarcely perceive when she drew her last
breath, which was on Thursday morning, June 9, 1808.
November 12. Memorable day to me! This day
twenty-seven years (the day of my marriage) I was full
of anxiety at this hour; but, O what cause have I had
to rejoice in the transaction of that day! As the morning
approached, I felt a fresh conviction-this is the day I
peculiarly consecrate to my adorable Lord, and I felt it
good to wait upon the Lord. My faith was invigorated,
and my expectation enlarged. O how little doth all
appear to me that is not eternity!
PART VIII.]
405
MRS. FLETCHER.
December 6. I have been called, since I wrote last,
to a new dispensation. I had for more than two months
been lame at times with my right knee, yet walked about,
though with some pain. But some days since it grew
worse, till last Thursday, when it was so well I could
walk without a stick, and thought myself cured. That
night, as I was going to bed, in a moment I felt a pain in
it which rendered me quite helpless. How it will end I
know not; but I feel a sweetness in repeating, My
Father cannot err, and I will never choose." This trial
has been much blest to me. It brings eternity near. I
have also had a deeper conviction of the need of a more
earnest pursuing after entire holiness, and my mind has
been more stayed on the Lord, and kept in more abund-
ant peace.
I knew not how I should be got out of the
chamber, but we found a chair with wheels, which would
go through the doors, so that I can be brought in and
out of the study; and such a number of little helps (but
to me great ones) has occurred, that I see the hand of
my dear Father in all around me as I cannot express.
December 13. Last night I had pain, but blessed be
the Lord, with a mixture of ease and rest. My complaint
is said to be an inflammation on the knee bone; but I am
affected in various ways. As I had to sit up in bed a
good while in the night, I felt it profitable.
December 26. This has been a solemn Christmas to
me. Though confined to my room, my soul has been on
a stretch for holiness, especially to-day. O what cause
of praise! How truly is that promise fulfilled,* " Do not
be frightened, God will make you a comfortable habita-
tion." And so he doth indeed, and that other word, so
often given me of late,
As one whom his mother com-
forteth, so will I comfort thee." Yes, I can rely on his dear
arm, and cling to his will. But O I long that God should
take up the whole of my heart as his abiding throne !
March 20, 1809. Yesterday was a comfortable Sab-
bath. The Lord carried me through all the four meet-
* See Page 202.
406
[PART VIH.
THE LIFE OF
!
ings,* and blessed me with his gracious presence, glory
be to his holy name! Reading those words of Baxter,
"There is far more procured for us by Christ, than we
lost in Adam,"-I felt a peculiar power in it; and while
meditating thereon, I said in my heart, Then how great
may our expectations be! Immediately that word came
to my mind, Open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it. O my
God, how shall I comprehend what thou hast to bestow!
O for more of that sacred violence which takes the kingdom
by force.
March 22. We had much hurry yesterday, but,
blessed be God, I felt great calmness all day. My medi-
tation ran much on that scripture, He that receiveth you,
receiveth me; and again,-Whatsoever ye do to one of the
least of these, is done unto me. This morning feeling some
symptoms of a very painful disorder, I was offering it up
to the Lord, that he might do all his will upon me, when
I thought of those lines,
"The Lord my pasture shall prepare,
And feed me with a shepherd's care.
His
my wants supply,
presence shall
And guard me with a watchful eye.
My noon-day walks he shall attend,
And all my midnight hours defend."
I felt a power as I repeated them, but afterwards doubly
so, it was given me as my own. Yes, my faithful Lord,
“Thou wilt not suffer me to be tempted above what I
am able, but will with the temptation make a way to
escape, that I may" be able to bear it. I feel an increase
of both faith and love. Lord, let me grow stronger and
stronger in Thee!
April 5. I have lately received some particular an-
swers to prayer. Lord, let my gratitude bear propor-
tion with my mercies! I have been now able to go out
for several weeks, and to attend all my meetings, often
very comfortably, even eight or nine times in a week.
My breath is better than it hath been for
hath been for years; and
* It seems she had now recovered from her lameness. Ed.
PART VIII.]
407
MRS. FLETCHER.
though my limbs are weak and stiff, I can walk so as to
visit some sick who are near to us, and go up and down
stairs many times a-day, blessed be the Lord, who holds
all our disorders in his hand, and times them as he sees
good. O that I may use all my remaining strength to
his glory!
April 26. Glory be to God, I have felt him working
on my soul for some days, and drawing my mind into a
more steady recollection. Reading the account of Israel
passing over Jordan, I was led to reflect that I had
nothing to do but believe, and follow the Lord, and all
difficulties would vanish out of my way in spiritual things,
as they have done in temporal. He will fulfil all his
gracious promises. Yes, my faithful Saviour, I look for
the blessed moment when I shall have my delight in the
Almighty, beyond all I have ever known. I feel a
glorious day approaching. Lord, hasten the hour!
In order to make the day more profitable, let me con-
sider, I usually rise between five and six. Then let
me behold Jesus by the eye of faith, sitting on the right
hand of God, exalted in glory, yet looking down on me.
Inclining his gracious ear to my prayer, and saying, "Let
me hear thy voice; pray without ceasing. Every one
that asketh receiveth." My heart shall answer, O most
faithful and loving Saviour, permit me again to throw
myself at thy dear feet. Thy mercy hath preserved me
this night from men and devils. Thou hast made me to
rest in safety. For this my soul doth adore thee! And
I praise thee, O Lord, for some degree of health. While
many are in racking pain, I am in ease, and have the use
of my understanding, and a comfortable degree of sight
and hearing; yea, thou hast preserved to me the use of
all my limbs and faculties; and here I consecrate them
all to thee! O, take my soul and body's powers, and let
them be at thy disposal this day. I here renew my
covenant to become altogether thine; and to be obedi-
ent to thy will. Whatever thou shalt appoint this day,
O my Lord and Master, give me to receive it in the di-
408
[PART VIII.
THE LIFE OF
vine order! Give me this day to watch every moment,
that I may not lose one opportunity of taking up my cross,
nor of doing good either to the souls or bodies of men.
Yea, let me strive to confer happiness or comfort, on
every one, even to the brute creation. This is thy will.
O do not suffer me to miss one instance in which I might
have such an honour! O Lord, grant thy Spirit's teach-
ing, that I may lie at thy feet, and listening to thy
voice, have power to obey it. Give me, O Lord, this
day the spirit of recollected prayer! That prayer of
faith which cannot go unanswered. And, O my Lord, F
entreat thee, by all the mercy and love thou hast shown
me, thy most unworthy creature, that thou wouldst fa-
vour me with the key of the holy Scriptures! Thou
knowest, O Lord, it is a sealed book, till thou openest
the seals thereof. Confer on me, I beseech thee, that
teaching of thy Spirit that I may discern the deep truths,
the glorious promises, and all the sacred mysteries which
lead to close communion with thyself! That I may, in
my measure, "comprehend with all saints, the length,
and breadth, and depth, and height, of thy incomprehen-
sible love!"
May 28. This morning I was led to look back on the
mercies of my past life; and I was amazed to see how in
every part of it such tender love had been mixed with my
crosses. When in my father's house, though I had many
things to pass through which were trials and humiliations,
yet when I could get into my own room I seemed to be
quite comfortable, and had a continual sense that God
would deliver me out of all when his time was come.
When I was removed from my father's house, to my lit-
tle lodging of two rooms at Hoxton, though really very
inconvenient, it appeared as a most sweet asylum to me.
When I took the little house on the road side, I thought
it a palace! And though there was much, very much, to
ask forgiveness for in all those places, yet there were
abundant blessings; and I can recollect many messages
from heaven in them all. I next removed to Layton-stone
PART VIII.]
409
MRS. FLETCHER.
There I seemed in the land of Goshen : and though I can
now look back and wonder how I stood under the galling
crosses I had to encounter, yet at the time they often ap-
peared swallowed up in mercies! At Cross-Hall, in York-
shire, I had many humiliations and cares, but I often
thought that situation better than all the others, and that
if the Lord would open me a way to abide there, it would
be a great favour. But O he had something better, far
better, for me. He brought me, through fire and water,
to this spot,-to Madely; and of all my situations, none
hath been equal to this. O the loving-kindness of my
God! I remember in the year 1766, being from home,
on a journey with Sister Ryan, and under very great trials,
both outward and inward, as I was one day in prayer,
those words were applied to me with a peculiar power,
I will bring Israel again to his habitation, and he shall feed
on Carmel and Bashan, and his soul shall be satisfied on
Mount Ephraim and Gilead. At that time, and in those
days, shall the iniquity of Israel be sought for, and there shall
be none, and the sin of Judah, and it shall not be found, for
I will pardon them whom I reserve. This was so deeply
impressed on my mind, that when after some months ab-
sence we returned home, I looked out (as well as I was
able) the meaning of the words in the Hebrew Lexicon.
I now repeat it here, being conscious, that at this very
time, I feel the beginning of the accomplishment. Out-
wardly it is indeed made good. I am in a most peaceful
habitation; and some of the clusters of grapes from Ca-
naan I do taste of, and sit as on the banks of Jordan, wait-
ing to be brought over.
August 10. At present I am under a particular exer-
cise. Sometime ago I found my relations deeply laid on
my mind, especially my dear brother William, and my
brother's widow. I thought, I have not been faithful to
them ;-and feared, as I had not seen them for twenty
years, I never should see them again. I laid it before
the Lord in earnest prayer. A circumstance occurred
35
410
[PART VIII.
THE LIFE OF
which gave me some encouragement. But how was I
surprised when I received a letter that they were coming
to see me! They are now here! My soul is drawn out
much in their behalf. Lord, I look unto thee, be thou my
helper, and enable me to confess thee faithfully before
men, that I may not have the blood of souls found upon
me!
24. Glory be to God, I have found him very gracious
indeed. All has been as I could have wished, and I had
freedom and comfort in our different interviews. I saw
the hand of the Lord in every circumstance. O what a
Saviour have I! Since that time some trials have occur-
red which has affected my health. I feel a great inward
sinking, and, by various symptoms, it seems that the Lord
is reminding me the hour is not far off. O my adorable
Saviour, give me but to glorify thee to the last moment,
to feel my whole will lost in thine !
September 12. Lord, appear in my behalf! I feel
my body grow very feeble, and I want a fuller baptism of
thy Spirit. My confidence is all in Thee; but I want to
feel an intimate close communion. Once I should have
been well pleased with what I at present feel, but when
death seems very near, there needs a peculiar smile of
the Lord to carry the soul triumphantly through the suf-
ferings of that season. Indeed there are moments when
he doth assure me, As my day my strength shall be; and
of late I have found such help in times of trial that I am
greatly encouraged. This day I am seventy years old.
Ah! my Lord, how little have I done for thee in seventy
years! But I look to mere mercy. My hope is in the
Saviour! I have nothing to plead.
September 19. Last night I was restless and disturbed,
and as I lay awake I thought, Is not God my strongest de-
sire? What would now give me the most pleasure? My
heart answered, "A smile from my Lord." I then
thought of heaven, and considered myself as afresh united
to my dear husband, my Sally, and my friend Ryan. The
thought was pleasing, and raised gratitude in my heart.
PART VIII.]
411
MRS. FLETCHER.
But when I turned my thoughts to a sight of, and union
with, my Saviour.-O how superior a spring of joy did
I feel! I think I can truly say,—“ Whom have I in hea-
ven but Thee? and there is none upon earth I desire in
comparison of Thee!" But, Lord, I am not satisfied.
Ah, no; I want such a possession of thy love,—such an
intimate union, as every moment to feel thy approving
smile!
November 12. Twenty-eight years this day, and at
this hour, I gave my hand and heart to John William De
la Flechere. A profitable and blessed period of my life.
I feel, at this moment, a more tender affection towards
him than I did at that time, and by faith I now join my
hand afresh with his. My Sally, and my friend Ryan too.
-We are one in Jesus. O that I may follow them as
they followed Christ!
January 6, 1810. Glory be to thee, my precious Sa-
viour, for the great mercies I have received the last year!
O how many striking answers to prayer! I feel also an
increase of faith, and begin this year with a more firm
confidence in thy faithful promises. Yes, my gracious.
Lord, I abandon all, all into thy hand, both for time and
eternity. I have been reading again that excellent work
of my dear husband, "The Portrait of St. Paul.” I had
not read it for many years, but, O how sweet did I find it!
It is amazing that it should be so clear and perfect as it is,
when I consider what he said to me about it,—That it was
a rough draught, wrote in his illness, when abroad; and
which he intended to write all over again, and to improve,
had he been spared to do it. I felt a sweet unction as I
read it, and am very glad it is taken into the 9th vol. of
his works.
February 11. I have been ill for about two months,
with a complaint on my lungs, but was enabled to keep to
all the meetings till Tuesday last, when I grew much
worse. My breath is exceeding short, and the cough
very severe. By the expectoration it appears to be such
a consumption as old people have. I am glad I have had
412
[PART VIII.
THE LIFE OF
these opportunities with the dear people, though; per-
haps I have suffered by it. The Lord has been very
present with us of late. Those words have been much
on my mind, "Whom have I in heaven but Thee, and
there is none on earth I desire in comparison of Thee."
I feel no care about my body, only that I may do and
suffer all the will of God, as a Christian ;—that " patience
may have its perfect work."
February 25. I still remain ill, though something
better; and it is a great addition to the trial, that my
dear friend, and kind nurse, Miss Tooth, appears to have
a consumptive disorder. This morning I was laying all
before the Lord, and felt a desire to try myself in every
point of sacrifice. I felt his will above all.-Afterward
that word bore on my mind, "Stand still and see the
salvation of God."
April 27. Yesterday was a day of trial, as to outward
things; but in the morning those words were in a peculiar
manner laid on my mind," Commit thy way unto the
Lord, trust also in him, and he will bring it to pass."
I did not understand what it meant at first, but before
night it was explained.
0 my faithful God, thou knowest all that can approach
thy children; and thy guardian care prevents our trials
by a call to a fresh trust in Thee! Many scenes of
suffering appear before me. My left breast I am told is
again likely to prove cancerous; but I lie still in the
hand of the Lord.
May 6. As I was rising this morning, Mr. Grimshaw's
advice came to my mind. "At your first awaking spend
half an hour on five things. First, return thanks for the
mercies of the night. Second, pray for a blessing on the
new day. Third, examine the state of your heart.
Fourth, meditate on some spiritual subject. Fifth, lay a
plan for your employment of the day." I felt my heart.
drawn to praise, and to entreat protecting mercy, and
spiritual guidance, for the ensuing day, and felt my
petition was heard. Then I looked up for a spiritual
PART VIII.]
413
MRS. FLETCHER.
subject of meditation. Immediately it occurred,-"I go
"I am the way,
to prepare a place for you." Then,
the truth, and the life." I felt it a profitable time.
In the
September 6. The other day Brother Tranter
preached in my room very profitably, and told us after-
ward a remarkable answer to prayer. Mr. R. Crowther
and his wife were going to their circuit in a borrowed
gig. They came to the house of a pious man and
woman, accustomed to receive the messengers of Jesus
Christ. Having no place for the gig, it stood out. There
were some persecuting spirits in the place.
night, the man and his wife found they could not sleep,
and said one to another, I feel a great weight on my
mind, perhaps some hurt is doing to the gig. They
got up and went out. They found one wheel was gone.
They looked all about, but could not find it. They
returned into the house and went to prayer, laying before
the Lord the difficulty Mr. Crowther would be in. At
last one of them said, It comes to my mind they have
carried it to such a place, (about two miles off,) and
thrown it into the swamp. The other said, Let us go
and see. About one o'clock they set off. When they
came to the place, which was full of water and mud, and
covered with rushes, they looked about, but could see
nothing of the wheel. They then saw a large stick ;
upon which the man said, perhaps on this stick they
carried it;-let us try again. He then took up the stick
and groped in the mud. Presently he felt the wheel.
They got it out, brought it home, and put it on the gig.
So when Mr. and Mrs. Cowther got up, the gig was
ready for them to set off. How true is that word, “ Call
upon me in the time of trouble, so will I hear thee, and
thou shalt glorify me.
"".
September 12. At eight o'clock this morning I was
solemnly struck with the thought,-I am, at this hour,
(the time I have been told I was born,) seventy-one-
years of age.—I was, as I have been told, in great danger
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414
[PART VIII.
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of death, from my tongue being tied, and much bleeding
ensued from having it cut. It was thought I should be
dumb. But thou, O Lord! saw good to give me my
speech. Ah, Lord, how have I used that great talent?
How often have I abused thy goodness, and offended with
my tongue? I feel an earnest cry for a full and perfect
devotedness of soul to thee; and my faith seems to be
increased in the belief I shall be so. While speaking on
Monday night, in a very full meeting, the Lord was very
present, and I saw such a great salvation before me as I
cannot express. And has my Saviour bore all the curse?
And has he taken our nature into the Godhead? O, what
may we not expect? Lord, enlarge my faith!
November 24. Since I last wrote, I have seen much
of the goodness of the Lord. What an answer of prayer is
the amendment of Miss Tooth! My gracious Lord would
not give me sorrow upon sorrow. O, how good it is to
stand still and see his salvation! This summer I have
been better in health than for some years, and have
found much of his presence in the work of God.
ago.
On the 12th of this month, the day of renewed dedica-
tion of myself to God, I felt a blessing in the remem-
brance of the precious gift given me twenty-nine years
O what a train of good things have sprung there-
from! O my Lord, none but thyself can know what an
advantage I have drawn from that union! O that my
dear husband's prayers may be fully answered in me,
that I may become the habitation of God through the Spirit!
December 18. Being ill, I could not go out, but
prayed, if the Lord saw it good, that I might have strength
for Sunday noon, and Monday night, the times when we
have large congregations-and, blessed be his name! I
have had hitherto the answer to my prayer. I felt, this
morning, very lame in my knees, but yet able to walk
about, and, in the room last night, the Lord was with
me, and brought me comfortably through.
January 7, 1811. And do I see another year! O my
fod, may I live this year as I have never yet done! I have
PART VIII.]
415
MRS. FLETCHER.
had, for six weeks, a return of my winter cough, but
have been enabled to go out on Sunday noon, and Monday
night, as usual. Blessed be the Lord for that indulgence!
Never did eternity appear so near. I feel its importance;
but O, I want it to drink up every thought, and fill up
every moment.
January 14. The complaint on my lungs grows worse.
I seem to be going fast. Saturday and yesterday were
days of recollection, blessed be God! I went out yes-
térday at noon, and had a comfortable time with the dear
people. I read and spoke an hour. The subject was,
Jacob blessing his sons. I seemed to be no worse, and
on my return had a tolerable night; but this morning I
feel my breath much affected, and my strength seems to
go fast. Eternity looks very sweet, yet I have fiery darts.
I long for a clearer view-but I praise the Lord for
more constant power to obey that command, Pray without
ceasing.
February 9. Those words seem to dwell mightily on
my mind, "Praying always, and watching thereunto with
all perseverance." Lord, give me the power this day!
Let my spirit every moment be looking out for thee, as
the watchman for the morning. The Lord has been
drawing my soul nearer to himself for some days. O,
how my soul longs to be wholly lost in God! This day
I have been greatly humbled under a sense of the little
progress I have made, seeing my lot hath been cast with
the most excellent of the earth.
May 25. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all
his benefits! I am surrounded with mercies. Sure none
ever had more cause for thankfulness. O that my heart
could overflow with praise in proportion thereto! O my
Saviour, purify my soul unto thyself! I know thou hast
all power. The other day, as a useless thought occurred
to my mind, I felt that word with a solemn weight,-The
place where his honour dwelleth. It called me back in a
moment, with that idea, that my soul is the place where
his honour ought to dwell. It is a great thing to keep
416
[PART VIN.
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the heart with all diligence from the dangerous avenue of
the imagination. My soul doth rejoice over some who
have been brought in of late. One young man, who was
very wicked, came to one of the meetings; and hearing
Miss Tooth observe, "We must have that faith which
brings purity of heart, and power over sin," he thought,
I am sure I have no such faith.-From that hour the
Lord began to work on his soul. The conviction was
deep, and his wife, his father and mother, and a cousin,
were stirred up through him, and are all now members
of the Society. Glory be to God, he continues all athirst
both for his own soul and others. " Every moment, Lord,
I also need the merit of thy death.”
July 3. O how faithful is God! None ever trusted
in him and was confounded. Much of his loving-kindness
have I seen of late in the times of united worship. Yes,
my adorable Lord, thou hast helped thy poor creature,
and given me to feel the words which I spoke. Several
have been blest, and most sweetly brought into pure love,
and an awakening seems to spread among believers to
press forward, and seek the rest which remains for the
children of God.
August 14. What did I feel this day twenty-six years,
And
when at the dying bed of my beloved husband!
what have I gone through since that time! Well, it hath
been all for good. I have needed every bitter cup I
have had to drink; but what mercies have I also re-
ceived! What tender care hath my almighty and loving
Redeemer shown in my behalf! That word hath indeed
been fulfilled, A judge of the widow is God in his holy
habitation. But I might have grown much more than 1
have. O my Saviour, show me how it is now with my
soul! Blessed be the name of the Lord, I feel my con-
science more and more tender, and a greater power to
embrace the cross, and to keep in the presence of God.
It is a season of trial, but I expect much spiritual good
to arise therefrom. I long to be lost and swallowed up
in God.
PART VIII.]
417
MRS. FLETCHER.
September 12. Glory be to thee, my gracious Re-
deemer, who hast preserved me seventy-two years! I
have been for some time very poorly with the complaint
on my lungs, and one day as I was sitting in the study,
thinking what I might have to go through, I felt applied
to my mind a word my dear husband spoke to me,-
"Thou shalt not suffer long," then he added, "Hope to
the end, in Jesus hope ;-you cannot fail if God is love."
My heart answered, God is love, and I shall prove his
faithfulness, whatever I have to go through. Blessed be
God, I am still enabled to keep up my meetings, though
with labour, and we have much of the presence of God.
We have now got three new preachers on the circuit.
Lord, make their word powerful! We have prayed
much for them.
September 19. Last night in my sleep that word was
spoken to me, None shall pluck thee out of my Father's
hand. I did not wake, but in my sleep made reflections
on it. O my precious Lord, thou art gracious, but I long
for a closer union with thee! My breath is very short
on the least motion; and yet I can go up and down to
the meetings, blessed be God! We have been reading
in the family of late an account of the martyrs.
O how
I admired the power of God in them! Lord, how poor
a disciple am I, ready to shrink at a little suffering! O
Lord, increase my faith! Last night I was uncommonly
ill;-but as I lay quiet, it was spoke as if to both ear and
heart, "Give to the winds thy fears." Then followed
the whole verse, with great power:
"Give to the winds thy fears,
Hope and be undismay'd,
God hears thy sighs, and counts thy tears,
God shall lift up thy head."
October 16. To-day in reading the 1st and 2d chap-
ters of Deuteronomy, where Moses bids them trust in
the Lord who had done such wonders for them in Egypt,
and in the wilderness, &c. I was led to look back through
my past life, and consider the tender care the Lord hath
418
[PART VIII.
THE LIFE OF
taken of me, even to this hour, yea in the smallest things,
as well as in the greatest. O what wonders I could
relate! O my precious Lord, increase my faith and love,
I pray thee, abundantly! I see eternity very near.
Lord, open my eyes to a clearer view of that blessed
world!
November 22. Solemn thoughts the 12th of this
month rested on my mind, and also great thankfulness.
Blessed be God for that sweet and gracious union com-
menced with my dear husband thirty years ago, and
eternally to last. My asthmatic disorder increases, and
sometimes in the meetings I feel much difficulty. Well,
all is right. Thy will, O my precious Saviour! is all. I
feel a pain in the thought of giving up the Sunday noon,
and Monday night meetings. If the Lord would be.
pleased to give me strength for these seasons, I should
be thankful. I wish to give my last breath to the dear
people of God.
December 27. O my soul, why dost thou not praise
the Lord in a more abundant manner! Surely I am in
a land flowing with milk and honey. Last night, when
uncommonly ill with my asthma, I was obliged to sit up
in my bed a good while, and it seemed as if my breath
would stop; O how gracious was the Lord! I felt such
a sense of quiet safety as I cannot express! I thought,
what a mercy is a good bed-a fire in my room- -while
many poor creatures are starving with cold this hard frost!
A kind friend in the next bed, who will attend my call;
and, above all, a God of love to trust in! I said, Lord,
speak to me !-Immediately that word passed through
my mind,
"Jesus doth my burden bare,
Jesus takes my ev'ry care.'
I thought of the great and amazing transaction com-
memorated at this season, and foretold for four thou-
sand years! Truly "the secret of the Lord is with
those who fear him." While the Jews expected him
to come in great pomp, he came as a babe in the man-
PART VIII.]
419
MRS. FLETCHER.
ger, quite concealed and unknown, except to a few!
Here is a lesson !
a lesson! Some even now can find no comfort,
except in something great, even in religion ! How
often have I been thus deceived! But now I see in
another light. We are to lay hold on the smallest en-
couragement; we are to accept a crumb,-and by look-
ing in the word, and feeding on it, the power follows.
As he says,
"Incline thine ear, hear, and thy soul shall
live!"
January 1, 1812. Lord, let me begin this year with
Thee! I have cause to praise the Lord for a good night,
and am much better since I have kept in the house.
But, O my Lord, wilt thou give me once more to go
out among the dear people? Well, Thy will be
done!" all is right that thy providence ordains. On the
5th of this month I shall have been thirty years in this
house. That promise, given me at Bath, comes strongly
to my mind, "I will bring Israel again to her own ha-
bitation." Truly the Lord hath done so. I have drunk
a bitter cup in losing my dear husband, yet I am so filled
with blessings, and have such comforts and helps, that I
may say no kind of good is withheld from me. I have
also communion with my friends above;-a little while
and we shall meet to part no more. O my God, I be-
seech thee, let me live this year, if spared, as I have
never yet done!
February 6. Many mercies I have seen in the month
past. Though I have not got my voice yet sufficiently
for the meetings, yet the Lord hath given us such helpers,
that all has been kept up with advantage. Glory be to his
name! We are very comfortable with our preachers;
they are so kind and friendly, we are quite of one heart,
and the work prospers. I have had of late a deeper view
into the mystery of redemption, and felt much power in
that word," He appeared to put away sin by the sacri-
fice of himself."
June 19. The dear people so flock to us that my
room will scarcely hold them, though we consider it as
420
[PART VIII.
THE LIFE OF
!
holding three hundred, and the Lord hath been very
present indeed. I was so recovered as to get out in
March, and enabled ever since to attend the meetings.
I have a prospect of great sufferings before me, but I
hang upon the will of my God, assured that "the suffer-
ings of the present time are not worthy to be compared
with the glory that shall be revealed." One great an-
swer to prayer I must mention. A gay young lady, whom
I knew from a child, it pleased the Lord to afflict. She
was deeply awakened, and cried out, "O how I shud-
der to look back on my past life!" In this state the Lord
manifested his mercy, and for some months she went on
most sweetly. At her death, after bearing extreme suf-
ferings with a lamblike patience, she said, "My pain is
exceedingly great, but it is not hell; and that I have
richly deserved." Soon after she told her aunt,
have had a great conflict both in soul and body. I am
just going." Then she added, “O 1 am so happy!"
and immediately departed.
66 I
August 14. This is always a solemn day. Seven
and twenty years hath my beloved husband been in
glory. O what heights of holiness may he have at-
tained! Lord, what have I gained in this long season?
I might have attained to much more than I have, but,
blessed be the Lord, I do feel an increase; and my
spirit pants after the "fulness of God." I find stronger
faith ;—I am filled with blessings! I see the hand of God
in all; and such answers to prayer as amazes me! My
body is full of infirmities, yet I am able to creep through
each day, and to work a little in my Lord's vineyard.
Truly, my last days are my best.
September 12. I have, this day, reached my seven-
ty-third year, and I feel a strong desire that this may
be a birthday to my soul. I have such a sense of a
full blessing purchased for me, with such a near ap-
proach to God, that I long to attain it. I wait at the
feet of my dear Saviour for a fuller display of his love.
November 12. It is thirty-one years this day, since I
Part VIII.]
421
MRS. FLETCHER.
was united to my dear husband. O blessed union!
What cause have I of praise for that providence! It
seems but yesterday, and he is as near and dear as ever.
I cannot see to write half what I feel in my heart;
but I will add,—my cup overflows with mercy, glory be
to God!
January, 1813. And now another year is gone, and Í
see the beginning of a new one. I feel an increase
of faith within this last day or two; some refreshing
beams of glory now and then have touched my soul.
for a deeper draught!
"From Sion's top the breezes blow,
And cheer us in the vale below."
February 20. I have read with much pleasure the
account of the work of God in India. I praise the Lord
for that excellent man, Professor Francke. It was
from his college several of the Missionaries went to
India, and, among others, that great instrument, Mr.
Swartes. Glory be to God, who hath raised up these
Angels of the churches." Every look at them makes
me shrink into nothing. Yet we may be permitted to
follow them with our prayers. Lord, increase the num-
ber of such men ! Bless their endeavours, and fill them
CC
with thy spirit!*
April 20.
Since I wrote last, on March the third my
dear brother William died. We were four in number,
and I am now left alone. But I have cause to believe
he is in glory. He hath been a kind brother to me; and
referring to the extraordinary communication of Mrs.
Clapham, I feel a desire to explain in what a singular
manner the whole has been fulfilled. When I married
he sent me one hundred pounds as a wedding present.
After the death of my dear husband, he came down to
* No doubt many pious persons, as well as Mrs. Fletcher; have thus
prayed. How evidently are those prayers answered in the present day! Ed.
† See Page 161.
36
422
[PART VIII.
THE LIFE OF
me, and with the greatest tenderness and affection
brought me forty pounds. Some time after, my uncle
Claudius Bosanquet died, and left each of my brothers.
eighteen thousand pounds, and several of his nephews.
and nieces five hundred each but neither my sister,
nor myself were mentioned. My brother William at
that time divided one of his thousands between us. This
was a great help, as I had some money still to pay off.
Since that time he hath helped me yearly for my poor's
expenses,—and, for some time, has given me forty
pounds a year. At this time of distress, when trade is
so low, and the poor so straitened, this loss would have
been a great one; but he hath left me two thousand
pounds, so that my income, instead of decreasing, will be
enlarged. I cannot reflect on this circumstance but
with wonder and praise. When Mrs. Clapham told me,
about a fortnight before we married, of these great helps,
I declare I did not expect one penny. O how exactly
has all come to pass! I remember she said, that the last
sum that she saw laid down was much larger than any
before. How often has my heart cried to the Lord that
he would restore him an hundred-fold! I trust it is so.
I have a strong confidence his cup is full in glory.
April 30. I feel the presence of the Saviour, and trust
to enter more deeply than ever into him as my centre.
Reflecting on my past mercies and present situation, I
am struck with amazement at the loving-kindness of the
Lord. Never was I more comfortable than now! Though
I have so many infirmities, yet I have such a measure of
health as renders life quite easy. Good nights, sufficient
appetite, and a degree of strength, at times quite easy;
and sweet liberty in the meetings. No burden with my
family, my friend Mary Tooth manages all. My confi-
dence is all in thee, thou mighty Lord of all! I feel thee
drawing nearer and nearer to my soul. The wound in
my breast, occasioned by the lump which had formed,
puts me afresh in mind of eternity. But, O how sweet-
FART VIII.]
423
MRS. FLETCHER.
ly dost thou support me under it! I am enabled to go
through all my meetings, and have but very little pain.
Yesterday that verse of the hymn was sweetly applied
to my heart,
"Abundant sweetness! While I sing
Thy love my ravish'd soul o'eflows;
Secure in thee, my God and King,
Of glory which no period knows."—
September 3. On the 14th of August I felt deep im-
pressions of that most awful event, the death of my dear
husband. But the renewed scene will, I trust, soon end
in joyous days.
January, 1814. I have been much disturbed almost
all night. My asthma was oppressive, and I had much
fever. My head also was confused, but those words
came powerfully to my mind,
"Sweet is thy voice, my Spouse, to me,
I will behold no spot in thee.
What mighty wonders love performs,
That puts a comeliness on worms!"
May 7. For some time the wound in my breast has
been better, though it was thought, in January, that I
should not live many days; and my breath is now more
easy, especially in the night. I leave all in thy dear
hand, my adorable Lord, and only long for a deeper
plunge into God.
May 20. Reflecting on past mercies I find abundant
cause for praise. I am surrounded with loving-kindness;
but my strength and sight seem to fail. I am waiting for
a closer union with my dear Lord. Though so weak in
body, I feel a desire to praise thee, my adorable Lord,
for thy abundant mercies. O, my gracious Lord, I do
feel great cause of praise! How many have I seen of my
near relations who have suffered much in illness through
want of wisdom, or tender care, in those about them!
But I am favoured above all. O the wonderful care
Providence hath ever had over me! What snares he
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[PART VIII.
THE LIFE OF
hath saved me from! What dangers preserved me in,
and what promises have I seen fulfilled! I have every
thing I can want. O, my God, give me a watchful spirit,
1
that I may not speak one word amiss! Above all, answer
that prayer,
"Let no vain thoughts lodge within me!"
Give me, from this hour, a mind continually fixed on
thee,-never more to be drawn out of its centre !
I
July 1. How tenderly the Lord deals with me!
am very weak, and yet am oft five times in a week able
to be in my meetings, and I have strength to speak so
that all may hear, and the Lord is very present with us.
Lord, fill my soul with abundant praise!
Sunday, August 15. Yesterday, the 14th, was a
solemn day to me. It is now twenty-nine years since
my beloved went to glory. I am led to cry for a closer
union with my Saviour. I feel his spirit working in me;
but it is a season of trial. That word is much with me,
Pray without ceasing.
22. Yesterday I had encouragement from the Lord,
and lay down in his presence. In the night, while
asleep, those words came with power,-my heart seemed
to speak them,
"Him eye to eye I soon shall see,
My face like his shall shine!
O, what a glorious company,
Where saints and angels join!"
I see more and more what a fulness there is in the Sa-
viour. O, my God, let me be wholly lost in thee!
September 12. Seventy-five years ago I was born.
O, my gracious Saviour, what great grace might I have
gained in seventy-five years! I turn me to that blood
which makes the sinner whole. I have, of late, had a
of holiness was open,
"Believe and possess
view now and then as if the door
and the word spoke in my heart, "Believe and
to the uttermost." Lord, give the power!
November 3. On Saturday I was very ill, and thought
death drew near.
Since that time I have found a deeper
PART VIII.]
425
MRS. FLETCHER.
work in my soul. The Lord seems to lay to his hand.
O, my Jesus, fill me with thy spirit! I long to be all thine
own.
24. The Lord is very good to me. I have found a
clearer sense of his presence, and much answer to prayer.
O I feel as clay before the potter. On the 12th of this
month I had a clear remembrance of the solemn scene of
the union with my precious husband, and felt it was for
eternity. What a favour do I also possess in my friend
Tooth! The Lord has made her every thing to me that
I need. Dear Mrs. Gilpin's death seems to bring me
nearer to eternity. How little did I think she would be
called first! Lord, prepare me, and fill me with thyself!
I am still able to be out twice on Sunday, though the cold
weather has much effect on my breath; yet last night
and to-day I am a good deal relieved.
December 12. I have had severe pain for a fortnight,
yet mixed with much mercy. I thought I was near
death. Yesterday I had an uncommon sense of the pre-
sence of God, and those words were much with me My
peace I leave with thee ;" and again,- "If ye abide in
me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye
will, and it shall be done unto you." I felt it good to
look into eternity, though in much pain.
Monday, January 2, 1815. The Sabbath yesterday
was precious to me. OI long that the year Fifteen
may be the best of all my life. Should I live a part of it,
Those words
may that part bring heaven into my soul.
have been sweet to me, "I will heal their backsliding, I
will love them freely." Looking back on my past life,
and seeing so many blunders, I felt a weight,-when the
words above were spoken to my heart. Yes, my pre-
cious Saviour, thou dost love me freely. O that I were
more filled with thy love! The wound in my breast is
much less, and I am much better; and, blessed be my
God! I feel nearer to him than last year.
O for a
fuller gale from Sion's hill!
36 *
426
[PART VIII.
THE LIFE OF
March 21. I have had pain last night, but not so vio-
lent as it might have been. Towards morning I got some
sleep, and awoke with these words, which came with
power,
"Give to the winds thy fears,
Hope, and be undismay'd;
God hears thy cries and counts thy tears,
He shall lift up thy head."
May 29th. Glory be to God, I am full of mercies! I
long for a more full union. I am far better in body also
than I could have thought; yet I see myself on the very
verge of eternity, and long for a full and perfect oneness
with my Saviour. I know he doth bless me, and I cast
my whole soul, with every power, on my Lord. O it is
sweet to have my will fully sunk in the will of my God.
August 3. I have had some trials, with regard to out-
ward affairs; but I have a full confidence all shall end
well. We have had for thirty years a oneness among our
people; but now there is a division, by the desire of
the minister. It hurts me ; yet, I believe the Lord will
order all. But I here declare, I have been joined to the
people united to Mr. Wesley for above threescore years,
and I trust to die among them. The life of true religion
is with them, and the work increases. If my papers fall
into any hands, I entreat these lines may never be left
out.*
I have always considered myself as a member of
* I should have greatly rejoiced if I had been left at the same liberty re-
specting this painful passage, as the other parts of Mrs. Fletcher's writings.
But her mind seems to have been deeply impressed with the occurrence,
and hence the injunction is absolute. Being thus obliged to insert the
change which was at this time made in the parish of Madely, (by the cu-
rate not choosing to act among the people as his predecessors had done,)
a duty seems to lie upon me to elucidate the cause of it in the best manner
I am able ;—and this I hope to do with all the tenderness that truth will al-
low. Two letters, written by Mrs. Fletcher to the gentleman who suc-
ceeded Mr. Horne as curate of Madely, will, I think, sufficiently explain it.
Madely, March 26, 1792.
-
"Rev. Sir,
66
"Your letter to Mr. H. was not seen by me till
yesterday, or I should have answered before.
PART VIII.]
427
MRS. FLETCHER.
the church, and so have the united friends in Madely.
In some measure we are now pushed out. O let not one
word of this be left out. What I mean by being pushed
out is,―The church minister has repeatedly expressed a
“In order to draw what I have to say into the compass of one sheet of
paper, I will divide it into three heads. First, The reason why I address
you, instead of the vicar;-Secondly, The temporal affairs of the parish;
--and, Thirdly, The state of the people, as to religion.
First, I must observe, after the death of my dear husband, (whose un-
wearied labours, and unexampled meekness, had left on the minds of the
people the keenest conviction of their loss,) the mantle seemed to fall on a
young gentleman, named Horne, (at that time one of the preachers on the
circuit) whom my dear husband had before mentioned as the man he wish-
ed to be his successor. There were great difficulties in the way; he how-
ever did take his place, and continued with us between five and six years.
But the Lord, who holds the stars in his right hand, saw good to call him
to Africa. The departure of Mr. and Mrs. Horne was a great loss to me,
because in every thing we acted mutually. The orphans of my beloved
partner were dear to me, and I to them; and Mr. Horne considered them
as consigned to his care by a man whom he esteemed above all others.
But the Lord has been pleased to part us; and, as we love his will, we
cheerfully say, Let it in all things be done. When he left us, Mr. Burton,
the vicar, a mild, sweet tempered man, desired the religious part of the
parish to please themselves in the choice of a curate. When I informed
him the other day, that after having sought after several, we had been dis-
appointed; he replied, 'I am sorry for it. I had rather that Mrs. Fletcher
would choose one, (though I have many applications) for she knows the
mind of the parish better than I do: and whoever she recommends, I will
accept.' On that account it is, Sir, that I am the person to address you.
Secondly,-As to the temporal affairs, -Our church is far too small for the
inhabitants, and yet so awkwardly built, that it requires a very good voice
to be heard in it. It is however proposed to erect a larger, about a mile off,
as this is near falling down. That will be more in the centre of the parish,
and more commodious.--As to the third head,-Those who are religious
in the parish, as well as those who attend from more distant places, are a
simple quiet people, all of one mind. They know nothing of dispute, nor
think of any jarring doctrine. The dove-like spirit of my precious husband
rests much on his flock, and they receive, as from heaven, every messenger
who comes unto them. As to the service or duty required,-You may do
what you will here. Every thing good goes down at Madely, if it has but
unction. My dear husband and Mr. Horne, used to go through the whole
service at church morning and afternoon, and then preach at the Dale, or
the Wood, the two other ends of the parish, at night. By that means they
saw many who did not come to the church; and at church there are many
who never hear elsewhere.
"I think I have now given you as full an answer as I am able ;-but
I must beg an immediate reply, as there are several curates waiting for
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wish that the Methodists should be a separate people;
as he always thought it best for the church people,
and the people called Methodists, to move in distinct
lines.
theirs, and we are quite unsettled. And, please to be clear in your
answer when you can come. I should rejoice to see a Gospel ministry
fixed here before my death.
"That the Lord may direct you with clear light, and give both you and
your partner to discern your way before you, is the prayer of,
"Rev. Sir,
"Your friend and servant,
"M. FLETCHER."
It appears, that soon after this gentleman came to the parish, he became
uneasy about his situation. Having expressed his dissatisfaction to Mrs.
Fletcher, she wrote to him the following letter.
My dear friend,
"Since our conversation the other morning,
some thoughts have arisen in my mind which I believe will not be unac-
ceptable to you. You will not reject a word of advice even from an inferior.
"I am pesuaded you will clear me from the idea of having deceived you
in any thing. I told you, on your first visit to my house, we were joined
to that body of people called Methodists, and asked, Are you willing to
labour among a company of Methodists? To which you answered in the
affirmative. This gave me a convincing proof it was not your own but
God's honour you were seeking. This also engaged the hearts of the
serious part of the parish towards you, and caused them to receive you
with open arms, as one who would walk in the steps of your worthy pre-
decessor. Now I would observe,-should such a thought be suggested,
that it would be better for them to leave that connexion, (under which
several have been called) and consider themselves as only belonging to
you;-if, I say, such a proposal was to be made, might it not be the means
of sowing the first seeds of division ever known in Madely? This, I am
sure, would be very painful to you.-I do not believe you meant to do so;
--but I lay these thoughts before you as an antidote to such a temptation,
should it ever arise.
"Should that people, among whom, at present, the Lord so eminently
works, should they decline from the pure worship of God,-in that case,
the parish would naturally cleave to you. But while the Lord does carry
on his work among them, let us be found with God and his people; "Yea,
let us meet them with bread and with water in the way."
"Some years ago, a gentleman, whom I well knew and loved, settled
in a parish a few miles from where I lived. I believe there were about a
hundred Methodists in the place. They were delighted with him, and
all went on well,-till he proposed to dissolve the society and have only
one of his own. The people in general consented;-he applied to Mr.
Wesley, and the preachers were withdrawn.-But, dear man, though he
was an upright soul, he had not as good gifts for discipline as for preach-
PART VIII.]
MRS. FLETCHER.
429
August 6. Blessed be the Lord, the work goes on,
and I feel very thankful that the Lord has answered
prayer in the appointment of our preachers. I do feel
the Lord orders all.
ing--he found much trouble and confusion arose. The people began to
scatter. Another living then presented itself, which he accepted, to the
great offence of those who had left their first path to follow him. After
this, they who had been Methodists, wrote to Mr. Wesley, and got the
preachers again; and, in a few years after, there were 1200 members in
that society.
"I acknowledge, dear sir, there may be some humiliation in thus acting
in concert with others.-But is not humiliation the only way to exaltation?
Do we ever rise in the divine life, but in proportion as we sink? If the
prophets of the Lord were sawn asunder, were stoned; if they wandered
about in dens and caves of the earth-shall we start at a few trials which
may, in a small degree, lay our honour in the dust, when the honour of our
heavenly Father is advanced thereby? I say again, should the Methodists
decline, (which God forbid,) they would soon cast us off if we did not de-
cline with them.
"When the people of this place have had, by some years experience, a
full proof of your holy and close walk with God, the purity of your doc-
trine, and the unchangeableness of your affection, that you have them in
your heart to live and die with them; they will then cleave to you with an
undivided love, discerning that the Lord has said unto you, Behold your
children; and in their hearts, Behold your Father. A great step towards
this has already been taken on our side; but as yet your mind has been far
less settled than ours; and perhaps should we meet you with Jehu's salu-
tation to Jehonadab, you could not freely give us your hand. But this
does not discourage me. I impute it to the opposition of Satan, who sees
you are in your right place and in your right order—as a stone now let into
that very part of the building where God designs you to be; and he would
fain disorder the whole by throwing you out, either through discourage-
ment, or by any other way.
"Permit me to add, I am more and more convinced that you are the
gift of God to us--to me in particular, an answer to my own prayer. I
daily feel an encouraging union with both yourself, and Mrs. Walter. I
often boast to the preachers of the sweetness of your spirit, and the union of
your heart in the work. O let not my boasting be ever vain; but when I
close my eyes in Madely, let me have the satisfaction to behold from the
upper world, that the dove-like spirit which so eminently reigned in my
dear husband has dropped, as his mantle, upon you, and that it shines
forth as a double portion.
"Having an hour at command, I have freely opened my heart to you:
Receive it as, perhaps, the dying advice of one who earnestly prays you
may be filled with all the fulness of God."*
*This letter, which is in Mrs. Fletcher's own hand, has neither date nor signature
but it was evidently written not long after the former. Ed.
430
[PART VIII.
THE LIFE OF
August 14. Thirty years, this day, I drank the bitter
cup, and closed the eyes of my beloved husband; and
now I am myself in a dying state. Lord, prepare me! I
feel death very near. My soul doth wait and long to fly to
the bosom of my God. Come, my adorable Saviour! I
lie at thy feet; I long for all thy fulness! Bless my dear
and faithful friend. Keep her secure; I long for the
day when we shall all meet above.
September 12. This day I am seventy-six years old,
and the same day my dear husband would have been
eighty-six. Surely we shall remember the scenes we
have had together. But, O my God, give me power to
cleave to thee every moment! I feel the powers of
darkness are vehemently striving to distract and hinder
me. O my God and Father, enable me to walk in thy
constant presence! O Jesus, Jesus! fill me with thy
love; pour out thy spirit abundantly upon me, and make
my heart thy constant home!
On
September 27. I am filled with mercies; but I want
to be filled with holiness. O show thy lovely face! Draw
me more close to thyself! I long, I wait, for a closer
union. It is amazing under how many complaints I still
live! But they are held by the hand of the Lord.
the Monday evenings I have had some power to read and
speak at the Room, till the nights grew dark; but on Sun-
day noon I have yet liberty, though my eyes are so bad
and sore. The Lord helps me wonderfully. In the class
also, in the morning, the Lord doth help. O for entire
holiness!
October 26. I have had a bad night; but asking help
of the Lord for closer communion, my precious Lord
The result of this most affectionate and pious epistle was, that Mr. W.
was fully delivered from his uneasiness, and for twenty-one years laboured
in the most affectionate and faithful manner, for the good of the parish, and
in every part of it, to the great edification of the people. His excellent
partner, who was closely connected with, and very dear to, Mrs. Fletcher,
died at Madely, in the full triumph of faith. See page 340.
I am happy to add, that the people, who were thus obliged to become a
distinct body, have not separated from the church, but still attend the
public service there. Ed.
PART VIII.]
431
MRS. FLETCHER.
applied that word, I have borne thy sins in my own body on
the tree. I felt his presence. I seem very near death
but I long to fly into the arms of my beloved Lord. I
feel his loving-kindness surrounds me.
Mrs. Fletcher's Journal ends here. I believe she
wrote no more. She died on the ninth day of the De-
cember following. The particulars of her last illness,
and of her departure, are supplied by Miss Tooth. I
extract them from the short account which she published
soon after the death of her venerable friend.
FOR the last month of Mrs. Fletcher's life, her breath
was more oppressed than usual; it had been much af-
fected for some years, upon motion: yet when she sat
still, or laid herself down at night, she could breathe
quite easy. But in the middle of November, her breath-
ing was affected both while she sat still, and when she
was laid down. She had also a very troublesome cough.
By these her strength quickly declined. She had had a
wound for two years and three quarters in one side of her
left breast, which was at first supposed to be a cancer:
but her sufferings from this were not to be compared with
what she suffered from difficulty of breathing. Yet she
would speak to the people, though, as she said, "It is like
as if every meeting would take away my life, but I will
speak to them while I have any breath."
One day, when her sufferings were great, she said,
"How sweet are the words of the apostle, "The suffer-
ings of this life are not worthy to be compared with the
glory that shall follow!" And on the 11th of Novem-
ber she mentioned the divine aid she found in these
words, "Call upon me in the time of trouble; so will I
hear thee, and thou shalt glorify me:" these words
she frequently repeated, and sometimes would add,
Yes, my Lord, I will call upon thee; and I shall glo-
rify thee too."
' '
432
[PART VIII.
THE LIFE OF
Another time she said, with peculiar energy, "They
that trust in the Lord, shall never be confounded." She
added also, with much animation in her countenance,
"That promise given me so many years ago now comes
with fresh power, Thou shalt walk with me in white.'
And that also, I will throughly purge away thy dross,
and take away thy tin."" She added,
<
"Everlasting life is won,
Glory is on earth begun.”
On the 18th of November, she often repeated, with
much animation,
"I am thine, and thou art mine,
A bond eternal hath us join’d.”—
Indeed the goodness of the Lord, and the great things
that faith will do, were subjects on which she delighted
to dwell. I have often heard her say, The particular
commission the Lord had given her, was to encourage
souls to believe: and herein she certainly was greatly
blessed to many.
On the 23d, she many times repeated these words,
which, she said, came to her with unusual sweetness in
the night,
"Thy righteousness wearing, and cleans'd by thy blood,
Bold shall I appear in the presence of God."
All this day she had a great degree of fever upon her,
yet she would sometimes say to me, "What were the
sweet words the Lord gave me last night ?" As soon as
I pronounced the first word, she would go on with the
rest, and add, "I feel the power of them, though my
head is so confused with this fever, that I could not im-
mediately recollect them."
On the 6th of December, while looking on me with
the tenderest affection, she said, "My faithful friend,
my dearest friend; ten thousand blessings on her head.'
She continued also to cry to God for a blessing upon
several persons whom she mentioned; and upon all her
relations though they were so far from her in body,
they were to the last interested in her prayers; and she
PART VIII.] MRS. FLETCHER.
433
would frequently plead with the Lord, that one day she
might meet them all in glory. From the beginning of
December, she dozed much, whenever the cough, and
the oppression upon her breath, would allow her any
This she often complained of, saying, "I lose my
time; I want every moment to be spent in prayer or
praise."
ease.
On the same day, when waking out of a doze, she said,
"I am drawing near to glory ;" and soon after, "There
is my house and portion fair ;" and again," Jesus come,
my hope of glory :" and, after a short pause, " He lifts
his hands, and shows that I am graven there." The two
following days were indeed days of love and praise. Mrs.
Perks and others visited her, upon whom she prayed the
choicest blessings might descend.
In
The day following, the 8th, her breathing was exceed-
ingly difficult. In the morning she had walked into the
other room, as usual, with only the help of my arm.
the middle of the day she wished to go into the chamber
again, and I led her, as at other times; but she was now
weaker, and I could scarcely keep her from falling. I
therefore asked her to sit down in a chair, which she did,
and I wheeled her back again : with this she was much
pleased, and said, the exercise had done her good. All
the afternoon she was extremely ill, either hot to a great
degree-shivering with cold-or very drowsy but
through all, her mouth was full of the loving-kindness of
the Lord.
At night, she said she would not go to bed till after ten
o'clock. We prayed together before we went into the
chamber; but her breath being so greatly oppressed,
she prayed but a short time. She then said, "Call upon
the Lord.' When I concluded, she said it was a very
comfortable time; and having heard in the afternoon,
that Dr. Yonge, (who had always shown her the greatest
attention,) was ill, she prayed particularly for him.
When we were ready to go into the chamber, after ten
37
434
[PART VIH.
THE LIFE OF
o'clock, I got her into the chair,—but she was now
weaker than at noon. However I wheeled her to the
bed side, and could not but look upon her as dying; and
indeed so she considered herself, for when in bed, she
said, "My love, this is the last time I shall get into bed;
it has been hard work to get in, but it is work I shall do
no more. This oppression upon my breath cannot last
long; but all is well. The Lord will shower down ten
thousand blessings upon thee, my tender nurse, my
kind friend."
After these and many more kind expressions to the
same effect, she desired I would make haste to bed. I
entreated her to let me sit up, repeatedly saying, “Do
let me watch with you this one night :" but with all the
tenderness imaginable, yet with that degree of firmness
which made me unwilling to urge the request further,
she said, "Go to bed; you have done all for me you can
do. You know you can be with me in a moment if I
want you; but if you sit up it will make me uncomfort-
able. I cannot rest without you go to bed." After I
had made all the excuses I could for remaining up, and
looking upon her dear countenance as long as her kind
concern for me would admit, she again urged my going
to bed; and I therefore laid me within the bed-clothes,
without undressing. She then asked, "Are you in bed,
my love?" I answered, “Yes.” She then said, "That's
right,—now if I can rest, I will; but let our hearts be
united in prayer, and the Lord bless both thee and me!"
These were the last words her beloved lips uttered;
for some time after this, about one o'clock in the morning
of December 9th, the noise her breath had so long made,
ceased. I thought, Is she dropped asleep? It immedi-
ately came to my mind, "Asleep in Jesus! See a soul
escaped to bliss." I went directly to her bed side, where
I found the beloved body without the immortal spirit,
which had entered the realms of endless day. My feel-
ings are not to be described; I clung to the casket of the
saint. I knelt down by the side of it, and cried to Him
PART VIII.]
435
MRS. FLETCHER.
who had just now called home the spirit of my friend,
that some portion of her spirit might rest on me. At
length I thought I should injure her dear remains, if I
did not call the family up. I therefore went and called
my sister and the servant, at half past one; after which
I sent for Mrs. Perks, who kindly came over immediately.
I never left the chamber, while any thing could be done
for her: I had promised to be with her to the last, and
the Lord enabled me so to do.
Her countenance was as sweet a one as was ever seen
in death. There was at the last neither sigh, groan, or
struggle ;-and she had all the appearance of a person
in the most composed slumber. When I first undrew the
curtain, and saw her dear head dropped off the pillow,
and looking so sweetly composed, I could not persuade
myself the spirit was fled, till I took her in my arms, and
found no motion left. I then perceived, the moment she
had so much longed for, had arrived,-the happy moment
when she should gain the blissful shore, and
Well,
"See the Lamb in glory stand,
Encircled with his radiant band,
And join the angelic pow'rs."
"All that height of glorious bliss
Her everlasting portion is,-
And all that heaven is ours.'
19
A Review of her Character.
It is generally expected, that the memoirs of eminent
persons should be accompanied with a view of their
character, comprehending the several particulars wherein
they differed from the generality of mankind, and so be-
came conspicuous. This may be, in general, edifying,
and certainly is not a difficult task; but it seems to me
not so easy, when the life of a real Christian (one who
was truly such on the Scripture model) is given to the
world. We do not find that the inspired writers ever
take that way, although they had the greatest characters.
on earth to delineate,-even those of whom the world
was not worthy. Mr. Wesley took high ground, when at
Oxford, (as he informs us) he "determined to devote his
whole life to God." Hence the world knew him not,
because they knew not Him whom he served. His own
works, especially the daily account of that whole life, thus
devoted, and which is contained in his Journals, can alone
describe the man; and if warranted by Holy Scripture,
can alone show if indeed he kept that ground. Men
may bring their line and plummet, and take the guage of
excellence, or the contrary, as they may be disposed:
" He
but the principle of action lies beyond their ken.
that is spiritual, judgeth all things, yet he himself is
judged of no man.”
The same may be said of Mrs. Fletcher. If she were
only an eminent person, and even eminent in the church,
it would be an easy task to display her character in the
several points of view in which human attainments may
be exhibited, so as to excite admiration, and stimulate the
readers to an imitation of her various excellencies. But
I find an awe upon my mind in contemplating the task
which may thus be supposed to have fallen upon me;
PART VIII.] THE LIFE OF MRS. Fletcher. 437
and I recur to what was said in the preface,-The Life
of Mrs. Fletcher will not be considered as a common bio-
graphy, but as an account of a work of the Spirit of God.
That she greatly differed from the generality even of
those who have been favoured like her, with eminent
talents, and rich gifts of Providence, will not be denied
by the most cursory reader of these memoirs. But “who
made her to differ? And what had she which she had
not received?" These questions we know were so re-
ceived by her as to annihilate all glorying in the flesh.
How deeply she felt all this glory swallowed up in shame,
need not now be set forth by me. She came to the
throne of grace, not with the humility of a creature,
(which the holy angels well understand, and deeply feel)
but with the humility of a sinner, pleading only, the
only true plea,—
"Dust and ashes is my name,
My all is sin and misery ;—
Friend of sinners, spotless Lamb,
Thy blood was shed for me !"
The pious reader has not read these memoirs in vain.
There is no danger that such a one will fall into the
mistake of Agrippa, who, while he contemplated the
great character of St. Paul, shining through his chains,
"Almost
forgot who and where he was, and cried out,
thou persuadest me to be a Christian!" Nor will he
need the gentle, but firm correction which the loving
apostle gave to that prince," I would to God, that not
only thou, but also all that hear me this day, were both
almost, and altogether such as I am, except these bonds :"
thus intimating, that as no man can call Jesus Lord,
but by the Holy Ghost," so no man can be a Christian,
but by being created anew in Christ Jesus.*
CC
Before honour is humility. The humility that belongs
to man, as a sinner, we have already noted. It has in it
* See Mr. Wesley's admirable note on the passage. Acts xxvi. 29.
37 *
438
[PART VIII.
THE LIFE OF
ઃઃ
the sentence of death. A heartfelt acknowledgment,
that it is just this sentence should take place, and that
in us dwelleth no good thing, is that humility which is alone
founded in truth. Blessed are they who are thus "poor
in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven," -even
righteousness, and peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost.”
These "unsearchable riches of Christ" are made theirs
by the "Holy Ghost, who glorifies the Saviour." Mrs.
Fletcher's heart was thus, like Lydia's, opened, and
"filled with peace and joy in believing." And she
never lost the heavenly blessing. She kept her poverty,
and she retained her kingdom.
Like her admirable husband, Mrs. Fletcher did not
rest satisfied with being "plucked as a brand from the
burning-she had not so learned Christ. Leaving
therefore the principles of the doctrine of Christ, she
went on unto perfection." Her eyes seemed ever fixed
"the robe washed and made white in the blood of
the Lamb. The work of the Holy Ghost, sanctifying the
believer, body, soul, and spirit," she knew was as ne-
cessary to eternal salvation, as the work of the Saviour
upon the cross.
The Lord put that cry into her heart,
"Father, Son, and Holy Ghost,
on
Be to me what Adam lost!"
Nor did she forget that "far more exceeding and eternal
weight of glory," that is become the privilege of believ-
ers, in consequence of God the Son, and not Adam, being
now the Head of the human race. Beholding with un-
veiled face this glory of the Lord," in the salvation of
guilty and sinful man,
tr
"Her soul broke out in strong desire,
The perfect bliss to prove :
Her longing heart was all on fire,
To be renew'd in love."
A good judge of religion, as exhibited in the gracious.
recovery of fallen man,* being, many years ago, asked
* The Rev. John Owen, some time Mr. Fletcher's curate. A gentleman...
afterward well known, and highly respected in India, and in England.
PART VIII.]
439
MRS. FLETCHER.
his opinion of the Vicar of Madely, replied," There is
no occasion of stumbling in him. Set down any of the
scriptural marks of a Christian, or a true Christian mi-
nister, and I will engage he will not be found deficient."
We know there are strong portraits in the sacred word,
drawn by the pencil of truth, of those who “added to
their faith virtue, and to virtue knowledge, and to know-
ledge temperance, and to temperance patience, and to
patience godliness, and to godliness brotherly kindness,
and to brotherly kindness charity:" and I believe the
pious reader of her life will not be disposed to doubt,
that these things were evidently in Mrs. Fletcher also, and
that they abounded; making her neither barren nor unfruit-
ful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
No man could better detect the deceitfulness of
the human heart, even in those who are religiously dis-
posed, than her admirable husband has done; especi-
ally when treating his favourite subject,-(the subject
also of his Divine Master in his sermon on the Mount,)
Christian Perfection. Addressing those whom he calls,
"Perfect Christian Pharisees,"--he observes,-
"Ye
are most ready to profess Christian Perfection, though,
alas! ye stand at the utmost distance from perfect hu-
mility, the grace most essential to the Christian cha-
racter. You have professedly entered into the fold
where Christ's sheep, who are perfected in love, rest
all at each other's feet, and at the
God. But how have you entered?
door," for Christ is "meekness and lowliness" manifested
in the flesh; but ye are still ungentle, and fond of praise.
Your proud minds are above stooping low to follow
Him, who "made himself of no reputation," that he
might raise us to heavenly honours; and who, to pour
just contempt on human pride, had his first night's lodg-
ing in a stable, and spent his last night partly on the cold
ground in an agony, and partly in an ignominious con-
finement, exposed to the greatest indignities. He rested
his infant head upon hay, his dying head upon thorns..
feet of the Lamb of
Not by "Christ the
440
[PART VIII.
THE LIFE OF
A manger was his cradle, and a cross his death bed.
Thirty years he travelled from the sordid stable to the
accursed tree.-Shepherds were his first attendants, and
malefactors his last companions.
"Now far from practising with godly sincerity
either his first lesson, "Blessed are the poor in spirit,"
or those which he afterward inculcated, ye abhor peni-
tential poverty. Your humility is not cordial. You
are humble in looks, in gestures, in voice, in dress,
in behaviour, from motives of Pharisaic ambition.
But ye continue strangers to the unaffected simplicity
and lowliness of Christ's perfect disciples. Ye choose
the lowest place, but ye do not love it. If you cheer-
fully take it, it is not among your equals, but your inferiors:
and because you hope that men will say to you, come
up higher."-Ye still aim at some wrong mark. Ye
have a narrow contracted spirit. Ye do not gladly sacri-
fice your private satisfaction, your interest, your reputa-
tion, your prejudices, to the general interest of truth and
love, and to the public good of the whole body of Christ."
ઃઃ
Let Mrs. Fletcher be proved by these high princi-
ples. How often, how continually, do we find her in
these memoirs, trying herself by, and aiming to, walk ac-
cording to them! How constantly did she struggle
against the root of all this corruption! How persever-
ingly did she eye the footsteps of her divine Master,
making it the one desire of her whole life," to be con-
formed to the image of the Son of God!"
Many who have aimed at living unto God, according
to the full spiritual rule of the Gospel, have been some-
times charged with neglecting, or lightly esteeming, the
Divine Atonement. This is certainly true of several
eminent persons, who have in this way of defective faith,
professed to "follow on to know the Lord." Very cele-
brated names, and in whom was found much of the Christ-
ian character, have thus “6 gone about to establish their
own righteousness;" and in a way so refined, that they
seemed to defy detection. But have they not " laboured
PART VIII.]
441
MRS. FLETCHER.
in vain, and spent their strength for naught?" Has not a
spirit of bondage been manifest in their approaches to
God, and in their religious communion with men? True
repose, and liberty of spirit, while contending against sin,
can only be found in "the blood of the covenant." If
our abode be not the horrible pit of guilt and corruption,
shall we not walk in the miry clay of doubt and fear, if
we thus forsake "the strong rock?" I trust the pious
reader has seen that Mrs. Fletcher never forsook it;
never gave place to this refined temptation. As she
"magnified the law and made it honourable," as the rule
of life, so she magnified that perfect and infinitely meri-
torious "sacrifice, offered to God, through the eternal
Spirit." It was her all in all, whether as a babe in
Christ," holding him with a trembling hand, or as a
mother in Israel, established, strengthened, and settled.
The language of her heart was, throughout her whole
course, Every moment, Lord, I want the merit of thy
death.
66
Of her ordinary walk, the most competent witness
now alive, has in the fulness of her heart, given us
some striking particulars. Speaking of her domestic.
life, Miss Tooth observes,-" She was one of a thou-
sand, as of mercy, so of economy; always sparing of
expense upon herself, that she might have the more to
give to the household of faith." She would often say,
God's receivers upon earth, are Christ's church,
and his poor." When I have proposed the purchase of
some article of clothing for her, she would ask,
"Is it
quite necessary? If not, do not buy it; it will be much
better to give the money to some of our poor neighbours,
than to lay it out upon me." Nor was this once only :
it was invariably her conduct, and with great truth it
might be constantly said of her also, that
"What her charity impairs,
She saves by prudence in affairs."
"She was always remarkably exact in setting down
every penny she expended. She kept four different ac-
442
[PART VIII.
THE LIFE OF
counts, in which all she spent was included.
These four
We have
"It is the
I have, in
were, the house, sundries, clothes, and poor.
often at the end of the year been astonished to find the
house expenses so small, considering how many had
shared with us. At such times, she has said,
Lord who has blessed our bread and water."
former years, taken up the book in which she kept her
accounts, and wept over it, with the consideration, that
I should one day probably have to settle it alone; and now
I drink of the bitter cup. A few days ago, I entered up-
on the work; and I think it right, as a confirmation of
what I have before advanced, to state the difference be-
tween the expenses of her clothes, and what she dis-
pensed to the poor. On making up the account of her
apparel, I found the whole year's expenditure amounted
to nineteen shillings and sixpence; this was every pen-
ny that had been laid out on her own person for the whole
year. The expense was not always so small, but I be-
lieve it never amounted to five pounds.
"I then made up the poor's account, and found the
amount to be 181l. 16s. 1d. Thus liberally had she dis-
pensed abroad. But her desire of communicating com-
fort to the afflicted was very extensive: I do not think
she ever heard of a person in distress, but, if in her power
to do it, she by some means contrived to send relief. To
comfort the distressed, was always a real comfort to her.
With regard to this world's wealth, it was no more to her,
than the dust on the balance. She has often said, and I am
sure with great truth, Gold is no more to me than dust;
the gold of Ophir, than the stones of the brook.' At
another time she would say, 'It is not so important what
we have, as how we use it.'
"Her love to every one was so abundant, that she was
unwilling to find a fault in any. She was ever desirous
of casting the mantle of love over the failings of others,
if the truth would admit of it. And while her kindness
was thus extensively manifested to all with whom she had
any intercourse, her gratitude to others, who showed
PART VIII.]
443
MRS. FLETCHER.
marks of love to her, was no less. When her kind friends
sent her any thing they thought would be acceptable, it
was her study to think how she could return them an
equal token of love; and if nothing was brought to her
mind to do for them at the time, she would say, 'Well,
if I can do no more, I can pray for them.' I never knew
her sit down to partake of any thing that was the gift of a
friend, without first praying for the donor.
"And while her gratitude to the creature was thus evi-
dently discerned, her praise and thanksgiving to the Crea-
tor was abundant. Indeed she lived in the spirit of praise,
frequently saying, What blessings has the Lord bestowed
upon me!
How comfortable has he made me in my old
age; though I am left here, and my dearly beloved hus-
band, and my Sally, in glory, yet I know no lack. And
such a loving people!-I may well say, I dwell among
my own people.
To this loving faith she added courage. This is very
conspicuous in her whole life. The righteous, says Solo-
mon, is bold as a lion. This quality it is well known was
possessed in a very high degree, by her admirable hus-
band. He was valiant for the truth, and a terror to evil
doers. Mrs. Fletcher was not less so, allowing for the
difference of her sex. As a fruit of this Christian cou-
rage, a noble ingenuousness was found in them both. Mr.
Fletcher's striking and bold discourse against Popery,
(which had lamentably embued his parish, before his in-
duction,) when, after some years, it again reared its head,
is well known to the readers of his Life. Mrs. Fletcher
had this enemy to encounter also, but in a milder shape.
We joyfully allow that Popery has had (and we doubt
not still has its true saints. It must be so while it con-
tinues sound in the doctrine of the Trinity, and the Atone-
ment. Those in that church who are led by the Spirit of
God, will thus find some portions of the bread of life,
amidst the mountains of chaff which satisfy earthly minds,
and operate as poison on those who love to be deceived.
It could not be but that the Romish minister of Madely
444
[PART VIII.
THE LIFE OF
should strive to gain a convert like Mrs. Fletcher. He
presented many books to her, which were accompanied
with long letters, and thus, with every appeareance of
the most friendly regard, he strove to turn her from
what he believed to be the error of her ways. But though
her earthly head and shield had been withdrawn, the
zealous pastor found he had not a flighty, uninformed,
or unstable Christian to deal with. Her short answers,
(short when compared with the letters which she had
received) fully exhibiting the Christian spirit, may be
found in the Appendix, No. 1.
•
If we look at what may be called her public life,-a long
life, filled with the work of faith, the patience of hope, and
the labour of love ;-we cannot but observe, how carefully
she attended to that sacred warning, given to all who are
called to the arduous duty of saving souls from death:
They made me keeper of the vineyards, but my own vineyard
have I not kept. We have seen how great, how constant,
how persevering, even to the close of life, were her
loving exertions; but did they ever prevent, or weaken
in her mind, the great duty of self-examination? No:
her eye seemed fixed on the apostle's words," I there-
fore so run, not as uncertainly; so fight I, not as one
that beateth the air: but I keep under my body, and
bring it into subjection; lest that by any means, when I
have preached to others, I myself should be a cast-away."
I am sensible that I here tread on tender ground. The
question of the lawfulness, or even of the expediency of
female preaching, will recur to every sensible and pious
reader ;—especially as Mrs. Fletcher lived and died a
member of the Church of England, and of the Methodist
Society, neither of which sanctions a female ministry.
But I cannot but think that much that has been said on
this question, especially since the days of George Fox,
(when the ministry of females received a regular estab-
lishment in his community) may be spared on this occa-
sion. Mrs. Fletcher has already spoken on this subject,
(page 137,) and every candid reader has, I believe, felt
PART VIII.]
445
MRS. FLETCHER.
the modesty and simplicity of that short statement. In
truth, her preaching was but an enlargement of her daily
and hourly conversation. Her family-her visiters, might
be said to be her constant congregation. And as she
never, in her more public efforts, meddled with the
government of the church,-usurped authority over the
man, or made any display of a regular or authoritative
commission, but merely strove to "win souls, by pure-
ness, by knowledge, by long-suffering by kindness, by
the Holy Ghost, by love unfeigned, by the word of truth,
by the power of God ;”—while she was herself the least
and the servant of all: may not every pious Churchman
and Methodist, unite and say,-Would to God that all the
Lord's people were such prophets, and prophetesses.
Mr. Wesley, who never sanctioned a regular ministry
of that kind, permitted, and it may be said, encouraged
her Christian efforts in that way. Her conflicts were
very great concerning her call in that respect; and the
taunts which she had to endure from men, were very
painful. These she at length embodied in a letter to Mr.
Wesley, declaring her willingness to abide by his deci-
sion; and that she would gladly resist this impression, if
the Lord should so direct her by him. Mr. Wesley,
who well knew her simplicity, godly sincerity, and admi-
rable understanding, replied,-"That he considered it
to be an extraordinary call.—That he also looked upon
the whole work of God, termed Methodism, to be an
extraordinary dispensation. Therefore," says he, "I do
not wonder if several things occur therein, which do not
fall under ordinary rules of discipline. St. Paul's ordi-
nary rule was not to permit a woman to speak in the
congregation; yet in extraordinary cases he made a few
exceptions."-Mrs. Fletcher thanked God for this an-
swer, and continued her labours of love to the close of
her life.
As I think it probable that those readers whom I am
most disposed to gratify, may indulge a wish, that some
38-
446
THE LIFE OF MRS. FLETCHER. [PART VIII.
specimen of her expounding on those occasions, were
recorded, I am happy that I can meet those wishes.
They will find, in the Appendix, No. 2, some thoughts
left by her, which may give some idea of her manner of
teaching.-Behold her then sitting modestly in the corner
of her large room, with the crowded assembly, (among
whom were not unfrequently some ministers of eminent
piety and learning,) hanging on her lips!-It has been
said, that she was rather too fond of spiritualizing; I am
therefore not sorry that the discourse which I am thus
enabled to give, is of that kind. I think the sensible
reader will not pronounce that there is any thing to blame
in this specimen; but will rather think that the subject
is soberly treated, and with a due restraint on the imagi-
nation. It is however only the outline; the enlargement,
the colouring, the unction, the life, are not there. These
are gone! The place of this evangelical prophetess
knows her no more! But she lives, and her name is as
ointment poured forth.-She rests from her labours, and
her works do follow her. She sees them not; she sees
only the Lamb of God! But he sees them all not one
of them is forgotten before God.-They will appear to
assembled worlds in that day when the books shall be
opened; and being wrought in God, they shall be found
unto praise, and honour, and glory.
:
END OF THE EIGHTH PART.
APPENDIX,
NO. I.
Rev. Sir,
As there is no act of friendship greater than to care
for the immortal soul, I consider myself as truly indebted
to you for the kind concern you have expressed for mine.
I have read your letter, and also the two books you were
so kind as to send me ; but bear with me, Sir, if I say,
I cannot be of your mind,-viz. "That no one can be
saved out of the Church of Rome if they have opportu-
nity of being instructed by it." I consider myself as a
weak and unworthy member of the true Church, which,
I believe to be the whole body of true believers scattered
over all the earth; who having experienced, (or who
are earnestly seeking so to do,) the new birth mentioned
by our Lord in the third chapter of St. John's Gospel,
feel that they who are in Christ are new creatures; and
who rely on the Lord Jesus our great atonement, alone,
for pardon and acceptance; though also conscious, that
without holiness no man shall see the Lord. Now these
sincere followers of the Saviour I consider as the true
Church, whether in England, Rome, or any other part of
the world. I acknowledge the word Protestant was not
used till Luther's time; but the truths we contend for, I
date from the time of our Lord and his apostles. I be-
lieve, that after a certain season, the falling away, foretold
by St. Paul, 2 Thessalonians, 2 chap. verse 3, took place,
and a flood of error overspread almost all the Christian
world; only a little branch remaining in small companies,
against whom the gates of hell did not prevail, though
oppressed on all sides, till the Lord found an hiding place
for the woman in the wilderness, at that time which we
call the Reformation.
"If the authority of the church really springs from
St. Peter, I apprehend it remained with those faithful
448
APPENDIX, NO. I.
souls who abode in their primitive simplicity when the
rest were carried away. But permit me to say, I lay
no more stress on St. Peter, than I do on the other
apostles, for it is plain our Lord gave afterward the
same authority to them all; and it is certain St. Paul
did not acknowledge that St. Peter had any pre-emi-
nence over the rest, for he claimed an equality with all
the apostles, (Gal. i. 15-17.) and upon one occasion.
· withstood St. Peter to the face,' Gal. ii. 11. With
regard to the doctrine of Calvin, which represents the
God of love in a very wrong light, I therein agree with
you, and mourn that so many good men do hold it.
Had not Christ died for all, the apostles could not have
been commanded "to preach the Gospel to every crea-
ture."
However, I believe we must all receive the
Saviour in a double sense, as given for us, and as living
in us;-that we are entirely forgiven for his sake, and
must also have a change into his nature, as he himself
said in the mission which He gave to St. Paul, Acts
xxvi. 17, 18. That they may be brought from the
power of Satan unto God,-that they may receive for-
giveness of sins, and inheritance among them that are
sanctified by faith that is in me.'
"O Sir, may this loving faith-producing holiness be
found in you and me! For if we are not one with Christ,
as the branch is with the vine,' continually drawing life
from him, we cannot be saved, whatever church we
belong to. I thank you for telling me you will remember
me before the throne; give me leave to say, I feel my-
self led to do the same for you: and if we are both
found on the right foundation, and meet in glory, how
sweetly shall we forget the name of Romanist and Pro-
testant, and, in one voice, unite in perpetual Hallelujahs
to God and the Lamb for ever!'
"I am, Rev. Sir,
"Your obliged servant,
"MARY FLETCHER:"
APPENDIX, NO. 1.
449
"Rev. Sir,
"ALL you say of the importance
of the soul and eternal things, I most heartily agree
with you in, and sincerely desire to turn my back on
earth, and choose Jesus as my only portion. But, O Sir,
bear with me when I say I cannot be of your mind, nor
receive your church as truly catholic. You say, 'She
is one, whereas we are divided into many." Alas! how
can she appear otherwise, when no member dares to
speak his mind for fear of an inquisition? If all hearts
were known, how many opinions would be found among
you? But even this appearance was not always, for at
times you have had more Popes than one, and each had
his own party. There were then divisions and disorders.
I do not say this by way of reproach. No; in every
church there are tares as well as wheat; only I mean
you are not free from division any more than we are,
although force renders it more concealed.
CC
•
Again, I cannot but greatly object to your doctrine
of indulgence. Perhaps you will say, that is now given
up, as the Council of Trent disapproved of it. But why
given up? If only because of the offence, then
you still
hold the same opinion. Alas! how hurtful and offensive
to the God of purity! So a man may, for giving alms to
the poor, &c. &c. commit his favourite iniquity, and it
shall not be imputed to him as sin! Ah, no! Without
holiness none shall see the Lord,' whatever indulgences
he may procure. As to the righteousness of other saints
being imputed to him, is not this like saying, 'Give us of
your oil, for our lamps are gone out?' But, perhaps you
say, No, not so; we have given it up, because we see it
wrong, and an error. Well, if you have, I am glad of
it. But in that case, Sir, permit me to ask, How can
your Popes be infallible, who have maintained so sad an
error for so many yearṣ?
"After I began my letter, I recollected that there
were in the house two little tracts, one a Roman Catholic
38*
450
APPENDIX, NO. I.
Catechism, and a Reply; the other entitled, Popery
calmly considered.* I looked for, and read them, and
as they contain some of the ideas I was about to mention,
I make free to send them, as writing is difficult to me,
being very infirm. I have also inclosed an extract of
the Life of M. de Renty, as a proof I love holiness
wherever I find it. It is a book I much love. I have
also put in an account of a young woman I much loved,
which I think you will like. You may keep these books
as long as you please, as I suppose your time is much
taken up. The three books you lent me I have perused,
I trust they were real conversions. By real conversions
I mean, from the kingdom of Satan to that of God's
dear Son;' and I do not wonder those persons embraced
an offer which appeared to be a refuge from the world
and sin, when they seemed to be surrounded with
nothing but carnal professors.
C
C
was to become pos-
"I cannot conclude our correspondence, Sir, without
once more thanking you for your kind concern and
prayers; and though we differ in some sentiments, if we
agree in an earnest desire to know and do the whole
will of God,' I can embrace you as a brother in the
Lord, and regard you as such. One day I put this
question to myself, If Mr.
sessed of civil power, and when he found, after all his
pains, I could not see in his light, he should believe it to
be his duty to consume me at a stake,—could I love him
then? After a moment's pause, I replied, Yes, if I
really thought he believed it to be his duty, I could
honour the upright intention, though I should see the
action wrong.
Christ shed his own blood for men;
but Antichrist sheds the blood of others. Yet, whatever
I might suffer, I love an upright intention wherever
I see it.t
"I am, Rev. Sir,
"Your obliged servant,
"MARY FLETCHER."?
By Mr. Wesley. Ed:
These letters have no date. Ed.
(451)
APPENDIX, NO. II.
Acts xxvii. 29. They cast four anchors out of the stern,
and wished for the day.
The situation of the ship wherein Paul and his com-
panions were, seems to me to illustrate the state and
situation of many of us here. We are told, There arose
a tempestuous wind, called, in that country, Euroclydon-a
kind of hurricane, not carrying the ship any one way,
but driving her backwards and forwards with great vio
lence. So it is in general with those who enter on the
voyage of life. Satan, who is called the prince of the
power of the air, and who ruleth in the hearts of the children
of disobedience, keeps the mind in a continual agitation.
Sometimes they are sunk, and almost crushed, under a
weight of care; and again raised high on the waves of
some expected pleasure. One while they are filled with
resentment, on account of some slight from a neighbour,
or an unjust accusation from an enemy; while the mind
is harrassed with the imagination, how it shall be cleared.
Sometimes the most idle and extravagant fancies so
deeply involve it, that no message from heaven can find
any more entertainment than the Saviour could find in
the inn at Bethlehem. By all this, the soul becomes
restless, and knows not where it is, nor which way it is
going. It does not feel that it is in a state of probation,
and that this trial is to fix its eternal lot. Dear souls, is
not this the case with some of you? You do not know
where you are--you do not consider this may be your last
night, perhaps your last hour, Your eternal state will
then be fixed for ever. If the Lord should call you this
hour, are you ready? O remember, it is the word of
Jehovah himself, "The ox knoweth his owner, and the
ass his master's crib, but Israel doth not know--my peo
ple doth not consider." Again, do you know where you
are going? Why, you are going the broad road; you are
going to hell as fast as you can. It is a narrow way that
leads to heaven, and you do not know one step of it.
452
APPENDIX, NO. II.
You have not began to walk therein, nor perhaps to
think about it. O that you were wise, that you understood
this, that you would consider your latter end! It may be
you find a great many things to divert and take up your
mind; it is employed by Satan from hour to hour. You
are like the disobedient prophet, asleep in the ship when
a great storm lay upon them. You neither see nor know
your danger. Are you the safer for this? Would not
those who are awake, cry out to such, Awake, thou
sleeper, and call upon thy God! Thou art on the very
brink of destruction. Well then, permit me so to call
upon you, lest when we meet at the great day, you
should upbraid me that I had once an opportunity of
warning you, and that I did it but by halves; and so the
blood of your souls should be found in my skirts. I fear
for many in this parish. My soul oft weeps in secret for
them, lest the word which to others proves the savour of
life, should to them become the savour of death, and rise
up in judgment against them.
But I hope you, who are this night within the reach of
my voice, are in a degree awakened, and most of you
earnestly longing to be brought out of the storm into the
quiet harbour of Jesu's breast. To these I chiefly feel
my message to be, though I was not willing to leave the
sleepers wholly disregarded. Well, let us see what they
did in this great danger, that we may do likewise. Paul
says, "As we were exceedingly tossed with a tempest,
the next day we lightened the ship, and the third day we
cast out with our own hands the tackling of the ship.
And as neither sun nor stars appeared for many days,*
and no small tempest lay on us, all hope of being saved
was taken away." Observe, first, they lightened the
ship,-lighten your hearts! There is too much of the
world in them. They cast out their merchandise-cast
away your idols! You will say, perhaps, "I cannot."
True; I know you cannot yourselves; but if you will
}
* Which was the more terrible, the use of the compass not being then
discovered,
APPENDIX, NO. II.
453
call on the Lord in the time of trouble, he hath said, I will
hear thee, and thou shalt glorify me. If you will begin to
pray in good earnest, and persevere therein, as the Lord
is true, you shall know the liberty of his children, and
have power to cast all your idols to the moles, and to the
bats. Well, but on the third day they cast out the tackling
of the ship :-the very thing which we might think they
would have kept, in order to manage the vessel. No,
all must go! Cast away your false confidence in any
thing of your own; despair of any help but from the
Lord Jesus. Yet obey his word; Look, remember He
says, look unto me, and be ye saved: yea, look unto him as
the author and finisher of your faith. Wait upon him
and remember the mind is the mouth of the soul-there-
fore, according as you feed your mind with thoughts, so
will the state of your soul be discovered. Look, I say,
unto him, and your soul shall ride out the storm.
And now a gleam of hope appears. Paul stood up and
said,
"Be of good courage-for there shall be no loss of
any life among you. The angel of that God, whose I
am, and whom I serve, stood by me this night, and said,
Fear not, Paul, thou must be presented before Cesar,
and, lo, I have given thee all them that sail with thee."
So may hope spring up to thee this present moment,
whether thou art a poor backslider, or one of the ship's
company, who till this very hour hast been fast asleep ;
but if now awake, if now in earnest, and willing to be
saved, come a step further yet, and observe what they
did next. They cast four anchors out of the stern, and
wished for day. There is no day to the soul till Christ ma-
nifests his cheering presence. In order to wait for that,
follow their example-they cast out four anchors. Let us
do so this night. Remember it is your part to believe,
and it is the Lord's to give the peace and joy consequent
on believing. Let us then make repeated acts of faith, so
casting our anchor further and further within the vail, and
we shall draw up our souls nearer and nearer to God.
Well, let us try to cast out one anchor now.
1.
I am
454
APPENDIX, NO. II.
sensible your cable is short, therefore we must seek for
some ground as near you as we can. We will try, if we
can, to find it in the Creating love of God, surrounding us
on every side. Look through the creation,-observe
the tender love of the birds toward their young, yea,
even the most savage beasts! From whence does this
spring? It is from God. It is a shadow of that infinite
compassion which reigns in His heart. Rise a little
higher. Fix your eye on man.
How does he love a
stubborn son who will neither serve God nor him?
True, he frowns on him, and corrects him, lest it should
be said to him as to Eli, Thou preferest thy son before me.
-But if that son shed but a tear of sorrow,-raise but a
sigh of repentance, if he but come a few steps, how
does the father's bowels yearn toward him! How doth
he run to meet him! Now carry the idea a little higher;
-are ye not the offspring of God? Has he not said, “I
have created thee for my glory, I have formed thee for
my praise ?" Is not "his mercy over all his works ?"
Believe then, that this "Author of all love, is more
ready to give the Holy Spirit to you, than you are to give
good gifts to your children.” Will not this anchor take?
Does it still come home? Well, the ground is good, but
your cable is too short. Let us try another anchor;-
and we will drop it on Redeeming love.
·
Lift up your eyes of faith,-behold your bleeding Sa-
viour! See all your sins laid on his sacred head! Be-
hold him as your surety before the Throne, and hear him
plead," I have tasted death for every man. Thou,
Father, wast in me reconciling the world to thyself,
not imputing their trespasses to them." I stood before
thee, charged with them all. If this poor soul, who
cries for mercy, is deeply in debt to thee, place it to my
account; I will repay. Now venture on him, venture
freely. He hath drank all the bitter cup for you, and
he offers this night to take you into fellowship and
communion with himself, "He was delivered for your
offences! He hath cancelled all the charge against
APPENDIX, NO. II.
465
you; yea,
"He was raised again for your justification."
Your Surety is exalted in proof that your debt is paid.
Come, let me hear some voice among you giving praise,
and saying with the Christian poet,—
"Now I have found the ground wherein
Sure my soul's anchor. may remain,
The wounds of Jesus for my sin,
Before the world's foundation slain."
Methinks this anchor will hold.-Is there not an in-
crease of hope? Hearken! You shall hear his voice.
Himself hath said, "Hear, O my people, and I will speak?"
Heaven is never dumb, but when man hardens his
heart.
cast out.
But, perhaps there is some poor trembling souls still
left behind. For the sake of such, we will try to find
firm ground a little nearer yet. We will drop our third
anchor on the Promises. Here are some quite within
your reach," He that cometh unto me, I will in no wise
Whosoever will, let him take of the water of
life freely. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners
to repentance." Yes, He came to seek and to save that
which is lost. Are you lost? Lost in your own estima-
tion? Then he came to save you. Yes, and to seek
you too ;—and he seeks you this night as diligently as
ever shepherd sought his lost sheep. Will you be found
of him? Yes, if you will believe in his love. Remem-
ber," He willeth not the death of a sinner; but had
rather he would turn from his wickedness and live." And
though it should appear to thee as if a mountain stood.
in the way, yet this is the word of truth,-If thou
canst believe; all things are possible to him that believeth.
Thou shalt say to this mountain, Depart, and it shall be
done. There is no getting one step forward in the hea-
venly road without courage, or, in other words, faith ;
and I trust there are here many whose anchor has held
in the first ground, Creating love, more in the second,
Redeeming love, and surely trembling sinners have found
some hold in the Promises. The Word of God is full of
:
456
APPENDIX, NO. II.
But now he is gone;
them, and they are all for you. All belong to a wounded
conscience—to sinners seeking the power of faith, to
conquer their sins, and bring them to God. But yet I
fear there may be a feeble-minded one who is still left
behind, and I am unwilling any should remain in dark-
ness, when Christ offers them light. But, perhaps such
will say,—“O, I am an ungrateful sinner. I have
turned away my eyes from Jesus. The world, and the
wild imaginations of my polluted affections have stolen.
between me and the Saviour. Once "the candle of the
Lord did shine upon my head !"
my beloved hath withdrawn himself, and I am again shorn
of my strength, and feeble as another man. Well, do not
despair. Thy soul shall yet ride the storm. There is
yet one anchor more, but it is possible you will not all
admire it. Some will cry out, Is that all? O, it is too
low. But let me tell you, low as you esteem it, because
it seems within your reach, it will rise to the highest
mansion in heaven. It is, I own, a little dark at the
first view, but the more you look upon it, the brighter it
will grow.
Remember it was the sound of a ram's horn,
and the shout of human voices, that shook the mighty walls
of Jerico. God delights to do great things by little means.
The name then of my fourth anchor is Resignation,
and there is a motto engraved thereon," In quietness and
confidence shall thy strength be." You that are asleep
have nothing to do with this: but you who are awake,
and groaning for the salvation you have forfeited,-You
are invited, nay, commanded to cast it out. You have
fallen by a worldly spirit, and by indulging a busy and
idolatrous imagination. Come then, let this be the mo-
ment! Now cast your whole soul,-your everlasting
concerns, on the free unmerited love of the Saviour, and
live upon-Thy will be done! Let your soul cry out,
"I will bear the indignation of the Lord, because I have
sinned against him." Abandon yourself, as a victim, into
his hand, and there lie as clay before the potter. If you
´are tempted because you cannot pray, let this be your
APPENDIX, NO. II.
457
prayer,-let the constant cry of your heart be,—Thy
will be done on earth as it is done in heaven. And take:
knowledge, while you are so doing, your prayer is
echoed by the highest archangel in heaven; for the glory
of that bright abode is a perfect resignation, fully consist-
ent with the most faithful activity. You are permitted
to pray,-Father, let this cup pass from me,-Yet, while
you add, not my will, but Thy will be done, you join in
spirit with the Saviour and Captain of your salvation. I
have often found, in an hour of temptation, when no
other anchor seemed to hold, that thought, the Lord
reigneth; his will and glory shall be accomplished, and
in that I will rejoice, has brought peace, and laid the
storm. Lie down at his dear feet, and remember, "Whom
he loveth, he chasteneth, and correcteth every son whom.
he receiveth." He brings your sins to your remem-
brance, that your soul may be brought to know its misery
and wants, and in order that he may burn them up with
the purifying fire of his love. Take courage then, and,.
with one voice, let us all unite in the cry,--Thy will be
done! Thy will be done! And our song shall be echoed
through all the courts above. Here then drop your
anchor. It is sound ground, and it will not come home..
With this patient faith, therefore, be found in all the
means of grace, walking humbly, while you do his will.
"And pleading the promises, which are yea and amen in
Christ. Blessed are all they who wait for him.'
59.
We read of Paul's company,-That they cast out four
anchors and wished for the day. Do you the same, for
that is a wish very pleasing to the Lord. I observed
before, That it is not day-light with the soul till that
promise is accomplished, I will manifest myself unto him.
Here is the great design of the wonderful plan of salva-
tion, to restore man to his original communion with
God; and he who hath said, I will give unto him that is
athirst of the water of life freely,—now waits to make your
souls his loved abode, the temple of indwelling God.
:
39
458
APPENDIX, NO. II.
There is a rest which remains for the people of God;
and you who love the Lord, remember, He came not
only that you might have life, but that you may have it
more abundantly. Cry, my beloved friends, day and
night, that you may “enter into the land of uprightness,
on which the eyes of the Lord are continually" from the
beginning of the year to the end. But when the people
of Israel slighted the rest of Canaan, and had lost that
courage by which alone they could enter,-how greatly
did it offend the Lord! And will he approve lazy dull
seekers of that spiritual Canaan, that Baptism of the spirit
to which every believer is expressly called? We often
talk of the time when righteousness is to overspread the
earth, but this millennium must overspread our own hearts,
if we would see the face of God with joy. For the very
end of our creation is, that we may become the habitation
of God through the Spirit.
FINIS.
LIST OF BOOKS.
THE following BOOKS are published under the patronage and for the use
of the Methodist Episcopal Church, in the United States of America, and
to be had of J. SOULE and T. MASON, No. 41 John-Street, New-York;
Superintendents of the Book Business for the said Methodist Church;
and of the Ministers and Preachers in their several Circuits.
Coke's Commentary on the New Testament, 2 vols. 4to. $20
Wesley's Notes on do. 2 vols. in one....
Quarto Bibles
•
Wesley's Sermons, a new edition, 3 vols. octavo.
Wood's Dictionary of the Bible, 2 vols......
Fletcher's Checks, 6 vols.....
3
7
7
•
5
5.
Harmer's Observations, 4 vols. octavo, by Adam Clarke,
LL.D.
Benson's Sermons, 1 vol. octavo
•
Life of the Rev. Thomas Coke, LL. D. neatly bound and
10
2
lettered, with an engraving.
2
Wesley on Original Sin..
1 12
Benson's Life of Fletcher..
1
Portraiture of Methodism..
1
Experience of several eminent Methodist Preachers, a
new and enlarged edition.....
1
The Experience and Ministerial Labours of several emi-
nent Methodist Preachers.
1
The Saints Everlasting Rest..
1
Methodist Hymns, two books bound together.
875
Hervey's Meditations......
879/
Experience and Letters of Hester Ann Rogers.
Law's Serious Call to a Holy Life.
Doctrinal Tracts.
Fletcher's Appeal to Matter of Fact and Common Sense
Introduction to Christianity...
Alleine's Alarm and Baxter's Call, lettered..
Family Adviser and Primitive Physic, do..
Sellon's Arguments on General Redemption...
75
5
75
75
75
62
62
50
•
E
१
Predestination Examined....
Memoirs of Mrs. Mary Cooper.
Causes, Evils, and Cures of Heart and Church Divisions
Methodist Discipline........
Extract from John Nelson's Journal.
Confessions of James Lackington....
50
62층
​50
37/1/
37 1/
25
Thomas a Kempis, or Christian's Pattern..
Mrs. Rowe's Devout Exercises, abridged..
A Scriptural Catechism...
Instructions for Children..
43
311
6/11/
61
As the profits of the above-mentioned Books are for the benefit
of the Methodist Episcopal Church in the United States, and to be
applied to religious purposes, it is recommended to the Ministers
and Members of the Church to promote the sale of said Books, and
not to purchase any Books which we publish of any other person.
than the aforesaid J. SOULE and T. MASON, and the Methodist
Ministers and Preachers, or such persons as sell them by their
consent.

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