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T H E SO C I A L
C O M E D Y.
:
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“The world is a comedy to those that think.”—Aſokaca Wazaole
NEW YORK :
LIFE PUBLISHING COMPANY.,
1906,

Copyright, 1902,
r by
LIFE PUBLISHING COMPANY.,
New York City.
FOURTH EDITION.
The schilling PREss, New York.
THE SOCIAL COMEDy
THE PROLOGUE.
Gºººº.

T H E S oc T A L CO M E D Y
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She: Why such a hurry to marry, Dick? We've only been engaged three months.
“Yes, I know; but I am afraid you will get tired of me.”

T H E S O C I A I. C. O M E D Y
- minºr - --r
-
- - - -
- - -
-
NOT TO BLAME.
The Elderly Lady: They say his wife has money.
“Well, that isn't his fault. They’ve only been married a short time.”

T H E Soc IA I. Co M. E. Dy
-
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-
AN INTERCEPTED VALENTINE.


T H E S oc I A L COM E D Y
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For love is Heaven.
—The Lay of the Last Minstrel.


T H E S oc IA I. C. o M. E. Dy
Kitanna J.
'44
REJECTED !


T H E S oc IA I. C. O M E D Y
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T H E S oc IA I. C o M E D y
He :
RECONSIDERED.
You need not fear. I shall do nothing desperate because you have refused me.
"Then, darling, I repent. It was only the thought that you might do something romantic that made me refuse you.”

T H E S oc IA I, Co M. E. D. Y.
She: But why look so blue? Papa says he will buy all my clothes after we are married.
“I was wondering what we would have to eat.”

T
H. H.
--
-
So c 1 A. I.
C O M
E. D. Y.
--
“Well, I must be going.
“Why not wait a few minutes and have a look at the morning papers?”

So c 1 A L Co M. E. D. Y.
-
--
T H E
-
MAROONED.

ºf .
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T H E SO c IA I. C. O M E D Y
|
|
||
--->
THE MAIN POINT.
“How can you want to marry my daughter if you have never met her and know nothing about her?”
“But I know all about you, sir.”


T H E S oc IA I. C. O M E D Y
-
Billy is an enthusiastic fisherman, but he says the next time he goes fishing with a woman–
but why repeat such language?

T H E S oc IA I. C. OM E D y
ST. VALENTINE'S DAY.
After the campaign.

T H E S oc IA I. C. OM E D Y
= \
-
- - º
º, - - \ſ,
- - 9,
- - - - - -
RETRIBUTION.
He (just accepted): I must go now and break my engagement with Helen. She'll make a row.
She (sotto voce): So will you when I break our engagement.

T H E SO c 1 AL COM E D Y
*
- -
- .
- - - -
-
-
-
v_ ~~~ \-ºv tº -
Bridegroom. It was fine of your father to provide you with such a trousseau. It helps us out wonderfully.
“Doesn't it? Why I shan’t need any more clothes for nearly a month.”

T H E S oc IA I. C. O M E D Y
- - -
--Tº-Asº a JR-
9 -
A NECESSARY PART.
"The doctor says I am badly run down and must go away for six months.”
“But, John, dear, I can't leave town.”
“That's part of the cure.”



T H E Soc IA I, Co M E D Y
“They say poor Clara consulted the stars before marrying him.”
“And what was the result?”
"They all gave him a good character except one vaudeville star.”

T H E S oc IA I. C. O M E D Y
He. It is nothing against her that she is beautiful
"Decidedly not! Such beauty as that can only be acquired.”

T H E S o c 1 A L C o M E D Y
HAIL thee, O Milkmaid!
Goddess of the gaudy morn. Hail!
Across the mead tripping,
Invariably across the mead tripping,
The merry mead with cowslips bloom-
ing, -
With daisies blooming,
The Milkmaid also more or less
blooming!
I hail thee, O Milkmaid!
I recognize the value of thy pail in
literature and art.
What were a pastoral poet without
thee?
Oh, I know thee, Milkmaid!
I hail thy jaunty juvenescence.
I know thy eighteen summers
thy eternal springs.
Ay, I know thy trials:
I know how thou art outspread over
pastoral poetry.
Rampant, ubiquitous, inevitable, thy
riotings in pastoral poetry.
And in masterpieces of pastoral art!
How oft have I seen thee sitting;
On a tri-legged stool sitting;
On the wrong side of the cow sitting;
Garbed in all thy preposterous paraphermalia.
I know thy paraphernalia—
Yea, even thy impossible milk pail and thy improbable bodice.
Short-skirted Siren:
Big-hatted Beauty!
What were the gentle spring without thee?
I hail thee!
I hail thy vernality, and I rejoice in thy hackneyed
ubiquitousness.
I hail the superiority of thy inferiorness, and
I lay at thy feet this garland of gratuitous
Hails:
Carolyn Wells.

T H E So c 1 A L COM E D Y
A MYSTERY
Which was afterwards explained.

T H E SO c IA I. C. OM E D y
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“Cheer up, George. Why are you so sombre?”
“Didn't you hear I lost my wife last week?”
“Bless me! That was very careless of you!”

Soc IA I.
Co
M E
D Y
t?
-
vou shouldn
Is there
Jessie:
anythiro more embarrassing than blushing when
you should."
not blushing when
“Yes;

T H E S oc IA I. C. O M E D Y
CHRISTMAS EVE WITH COONTOWN'S FOUR HUNDRED.
The Chairman: By de ananamus consent ob de partisipents in dis ebenin's festivities, de prize fo de mos' gorgeous com-
parisoned couple am awarded to Brer Whiffles and lady, a pair ob inlaid walnut finished hair brushes.

T H E S Oc IA I. C. O M E D y
Despairing Artist: Now, if Mrs. Hardy had a more cheerful expression—
The Old Man: Jane, he wants you to stop thinking about me, the cook's going, and your other trials, and put your
mind on Maria's new baby. - y

T H E S Oc I A L C O M E D Y
“Why did you kiss me?’
“Well, I heard you were a woman with a past, and I thought I would give you a little present.”

T H E SO c 1 A L C O M E D Y
I don't think mother likes to have me sit alone with you.
“Why not?”
She .
“Well, she is afraid you might try to kiss me.”

T H E S oc IA I. Co M E D y
A CONTINUOUS PERFORMANCE.
She: It tells here of a man in Chicago who hasn't spoken to his wife in fifteen years.
“Perhaps he is waiting for a chance.”

T H E S oc IA I. Co M. E. Dy
t
|
|
º
º º
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Fºr
"Now, auntie, you know I want to marry Jack, and you know you are going to leave me all your money so
ourselves up nicely.”
"But good gracious, child, I am not going to die yet!”
"Of course you're not, you dear old thing, and I wouldn't have you for the world. But don't you ever get any fun out
of anticipation?”
we can set

T H E S oc T A L COM E D Y
"But, Sappho, in marrying this Chinaman, have you thought of what your children will be?”
“Yes'm. I know they'll be Jews, but I can't help it.”

T H E So c 1 A L Co M E D y
Billy: Yes! I paid twenty thousand dollars for this country place six months ago, and now I'll sell it for half price.
"Good heavens! Is that the effect you have on a neighborhood?”

T H E S oc IA I. Co M. E. D. Y.
-
GLIMPSES AT THE FUTURE.
Snapshot at upper Fifth Avenue in 1930.




T H E S oc IA I. C. O M E D Y
|
UP-TO-DATE PROTRAITURE.
“I have been working on this woman now for five weeks.”
“And not yet successful ?”
“No. She still complains that the picture looks like her.”

T H E S oc IA I. C. O M E D Y
"||
ſ |
| "Yºſ
º
º
“I thought you told me you were well off before you married me?”
“I am sure of it now, my dear!”

T H E Soc IA I. Co M. E. py
-
i.
-
A DOMESTIC DIFFERENCE.
"I can put up with it no longer, madam; I leave the house forever; you
last day.”
will not see me again
until the
"And let it be well along in the afternoon, dear.”

T H E Soc I A L Co M. E. Dy
-
-
- º * - -
She: I've heard of men with wooden legs and wooden heads, but you're the first I’ve heard of with a wooden heart.
Heº You wrong me, Bess. It would be wood if it could, but

T H E SO c 1 A L Co M E D y
She: If I let you kiss me this once, will you promise never to ask me again?
He; Certainly, dear, if you consider it unnecessary.

T H E Soc IA 1 C o M. E. py
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BROADWAY –PAST AND PRESENT.
In the sixteenth century. In the twentieth century.














T H E So c 1 A L Co M E D y
Chorister: I think music helps religion.
The Clergyman (reflectively): No doubt—no doubt; and then again, we need religion to help us bear up.
under some music.

T H E S oc IA 1 C o M E D y
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“Come along, Martin, let's go to the hanging.”
"Hangin'? Hangin'? Who's going to be hanged?”
“Jim Sanders. Come along.”
“No, thanks. He's no friend of mine.”

T H E S oc IA I. Co M E D y
She: I will send your presents back to-morrow.
"No hurry. I don't expect to be engaged again for a week or so.”

T H E So c 1 A L Co M E D Y
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OF A HANSOM.





























T H E S Oc IA I. C. O M E D Y
* * -
| | º
|
DEGREES OF FOLLY.
“There's no fool like an old fool.”
“No. Unless it's the young fool who wants to marry the old fool.”

T H E So c 1 A L COM E D y
~
"So you've gone and got married, too, eh? Good for you, old chap!”
"Are you offering your congratulations or bidding for my sympathy?”


“You don't mean to say they are engaged! Isn't there a great different in their ages?"
“Yes; about two hundred thousand dollars.”

T H E SO c 1 AL Co M E D y
“You look tired, Edith.”
"Tired' I have had this thing for two hours, and neither of
us speaks the other's language!”

T H E Soc IA I. Co M. E. Dy
º
\ Rs.
“Can I see your mistress?”
New Servant. She isn't dressed yet, sir, but I'll ask her.

T H E Soc IA I. C. o M. E. Dy
|
|
.
º
THE LITERARY MOVEMENT IN AMERICA
"You should join our book club. Why, last winter I read over a hundred books by giving five minutes a
day. I read Nansen's Prisoner of Zenda, Hall Caine's "Quo Vadis, Allen's Christian, Julian Hawthorne's
'Choir Invisible, and Hope's Farthest North.”
“How charming."

T H E S Oc I A L C O M E D Y
VARIETY.
all the time?
Oh, yes. I often feel as if I would like to stop playing and just sit down and talk about it.
Don't you get tired of playing golf
Miss Niblick:
Miss Brassie:

T H E S oc I A L C o M E D Y
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T H E S O C I A I. C. O Mr E D :
LASTING IMPRESSIONS.
Dick Heavy stepper (sweetly): I shall remember this dance for many a long day.
“So shall I.”

T H E S oc IA I. C. OM E D y
She (petulantly): I don't see why you should hesitate to get married on three thousand dollars a year.
Papa says my gowns never cost more than that.
He : But, my darling, we must have something to eat.
"Oh, William. Always thinking of your stomach"

T H E So c 1 A L Co M E D y
- ------ -
--- -
IN BOSTON.
His New York Aunt: Then your little brother's education must have been neglected.
Boston Boy: Yes, indeed! Why, he doesn't know the rudiments of metaphysics!

T H E S O C I A I. C. O M E D Y
One Week
BY Carolyn Wells
\\ (
h l
7
\ 1, “l
HF year had gloomily begun
For Willie Weeks, a poor man's
SUN.
He was beset with bill and dun,
And he had very little
MON.
“This cash,” said he, “won't pay my dues,
I've nothing here but ones and
TUES."
A bright thought struck him, and he said,
“The rich Miss Goldrocks I will
WED.
But when he paid his court to her,
She lisped, but firmly said, “No.
THUR."
“Alas!" said he, “then I must die!"
His soul went where they say souls
FRI.
They found his gloves, and coat, and hat,
The Coroner upon them
vºy Ti-I APOLO C, 1 \º S T Q - cº-z-z-z-->


T H E SO c 1 A L Co M. E. Dy
-
A FOND CRITIC.
Wife of His Bosom Lovely, dear, lovely' But I think those sheep look too much like clouds—er—that
is—of course-darling-unless they are clouds.

T H E So c 1 A L Co M. E. Dy
T KHawk
w ‘A*
THE DIFFERENCE.
“So he married your girl?”
"No, I failed to marry his, it seems.”

T H E Soc A 1. C o M. E. D. Y.
-
"º ºr -
- -
- - - - - -
-
l - -
SHOCKING.
He; She is a brilliant woman; she shows great familiarity with the poets.
“Heavens!” shrieked the old maid; "does her husband know it?”


T H E S O C I A I. C. O M E D Y
GLIMPSES INTO THE FUTURE.
The stage in the near future, as promised by present indications.

T H E Soc IA I. Co Mr E D y
"When I get to Paris, papa, I want to know just how much money I can have
“Well, my dear, how would, say, a thousand do?”
"Now, papa, I know you don't want me to go about in rags.”
to buy clothes with.”

T H E Soc IA I. Co M. E. Dy
-
T.E.
Fºurt Jameson, 23.
"If a woman loves her husband, Ethel, she will give up everything to him!”
"That is a noble sentiment, my dear, which George and his creditors will appreciate, I'm sure.”



T H E S oc IA I. C. OM F. D. Y.
“I can't make up my mind what to give my husband Christmas.”
“Why don't you give him money and let him select his present?”
“I can’t afford that.”

T H E S oc I-A I, Co M. E. Dy
ſº
-º
º º
BETTER LATE THAN NEVER.
"I hope this proposal of mine hasn't taken you completely by surprise, dearest.”
"Well, yes, it has. I long ago abandoned all idea of it.”

T H E So c 1 A L - C o Mr E D y
º
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º Nº.
A.'s
| SS
IN
WN
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ABOVE AND BELOW.
Sº lives in the square below me there.
Ah me! If she'd only love me !
She lives in the square below me there,
But moves in a circle above me.
|//
|ſº ſº

















T H E S O c 1 A L C O M E D Y
Yº’
Said Father Tempus, I have a plan, But the strain was so great that by and by Ö)( & )
&
I'm going to swear off on the first of He ºas taken with fever in
JAN. JULY.
But his resolution began to ebb, 11e only just escaped the morgue,
He was two days shy by the end ºf His temperature was so high in
FEB. AUG.
Then he lost his temper and went so far Never were resolutions kept
As to bawl and bluster all through So well as in convalescent
MAR. SEPT.
He puffed and blew till he spoiled his shape, When he recovered the world was shocked,
So he took the water cure in For he painted the country red in
AP. OCT.
He wook a slºwer bath every day, Then he howled and raged like a fiend ºn love.
And was most visagreeable all through He was full as could be of remorse in
MAY. NOV.
Then Summer came and he changed his tune– It's plain, said he, this thing must cease.
Any Fool can be good in I'll swear off again—at the end of
DEC.
Oliver Herford.

T H E Soc I.A. L. C. O M E D Y
- ----- - nutt -
“Isn't it terrible the way pugilists pound one another? It only goes to show what people will do for money.”
“But a prize-fight only lasts for an hour. What is that to marrying for money.”
-

T H E Soc A. I. Co M. E. Dy
º
-
-
-
º
He; How could you lead me on, when you knew all the time I was in love with you?
"Why, if you hadn't been, how could I have done it?”

T H E S O C I A L C O M E D Y
-
"How happy could either fair charmer be, were t'other fair charmer away!”

T H E
So c 1 AL Co M. E. Dy
|- §§§.
§§§
|-
№
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№.ſae|-
§§|-§ſae
§ 1|-
º
º º -
ſº
º
-
----
-
THE DRAMA IN NEW YORK.
---
~.
chances of succes
y
I wish to go on the stage and would like your opinion as to m
“Well, did you brin
--
g your tights?

T H E S Oc IA I. C. O M E D Y
- ARºS
“That old fellow coming was carried from the railroad accident all smashed up, and he wouldn't even acknowledge
he was hurt. Must be a Christian Scientist.”
“No. President of the road.”

T H E Soc IA I. C. o M. E. Dy
T K HaNNA UN -
* -
"We have always been enemies, and now we love the same girl.”
"How tragic! I wish I could help you.”
"You can. You are the girl.”

T H E S oc I A L C O M E D Y
|
Z/
- &%
MVA
aſ
“I had no idea that you were in love with me.”
“Neither had I, until I proposed and you rejected me.”

T H E Soc 1 A L Co M. E. Dy
Cbe curé of
5t. Cpr’s.
HE tangled roses twist and bloom
Against the garden wall,
So thick they leave but scanty room
For the ripened peach to fall.
Among the stately hollyhocks
The wild bee drones and veers,
And here at eve he always walks,
The Curé of St. Cyr's.
The village knows the kindly face,
The old hat's broken rim;
The veriest baby in the place
Flings out a smile to him.
The gentle hand, the silvered hair,
The look that chides or cheers; º
He always has a laugh to spare, º - -
The Curé of St. Cyr's. -
His house is small and dismal, yet
His treasures are not few:
An old flute and a silhouette,
A cherished book or two.
Still, rumor says that long ago,
In dim, forgotten years,
His life had other gifts to show.
The Curé of St. Cyr's.
He was a soldier of the king—
A courtier learned in bliss:
No man can say what made him fling
The old life by for this.
He bears, instead of love and mirth,
The parish hopes and fears–
The little burdens of the earth—
The Curé of St. Cyr's.
The sunshine floods his garden ways,
The rose nods to the wind.
Who knows if he regrets the days
He left so long behind?
Perhaps the silhouette could tell–
Whose face has felt his tears–
Methinks she knows them over-well,
Oh, Curé of St. Cyr's Theodosia Pickerina Garrison.



T H E S oc IA I. Co M. E. py
The Invalid: I heard the other day of a doctor who operated on a lady for
absolutely nothing the matter, and sent her a bill for six hundred dollars.
“Well, that wasn't an exceptional case, was it?”
“Oh, yes, it was. The patient recovered.”
appendicitis, found there was

T H E S oc IA I. C. OM E D y
·ſaeſſ
| 7
„nuºſow uſ pouſeº oveų noſ neun uoquotuou ishtu now woux, ſ, uop i tuo,
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'GITIĶIQOŽIL TVGINI GIHUL
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T H E S oc I A L Co M E D y
ST.
-
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AN OPTIM
shame for me to go to church alone every Sunday?”
You might be doing something worse.
Don't you think it's a
Oh, I don't know.
The Angel:
The Brute:

T H E S oc IA 1 C o M E D y
THE RIALTO.
ON
That fellow that called on you last night was a great success, I suppose.
I don't know when I have been more pleased with my surroundings.
The Villian (jealous):
-
The Leading Lady:

-
Prominent Society Woman (to popular lecturer); Don't you get tired of saying the same thing over and over again?
“Yes, Don't you?”
º




“Well, Daisy, shall we pay the house-rent or give a dinner?”
“Why, give the dinner, of course! What good will paid-up house-rent do us if we lose our social position?”

T H E Soc I A L Co M E D y
*** * *
- - -
- - - -
“She refused him, as she thought that he would propose again.”
“And did he?”
“Oh, yes. But it was to another girl.”

T H E S oc I A L Co M E D Y
º
|
|
|
º
“I see the President commerds war as a means of keeping alive the great fighting virtues, and, of course, war
is a good thing while it lasts. But, after all, Charles, do you feel that war is truly profitable? As for me, unath-
letic as I am, and near-sighted, I could hardly do excellent work in war. I might brain a child or two, and maybe
shoot some women, but I own I don't find the idea wholly engaging, and in the spring months I can harden my
heart more agreeably by riding a bicycle in the afternoon down Fifth Avenue. It’s a good hazard all the way,
and there's this advantage about it, that you don't catch fevers, and, if you're not killed, you have your health.”


T H E S oc T A L C o M E D Y
--
in-
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NOT FOR LOVE.
She. If I should die, I know you would marry again.
“But if I did it would be for money, dear.”

T H E So c 1 A L C o M E D y
LONG ON BROTHERS.
“How would you like to have me for a brother, little girl?”
“Go on ' I got seven brothers now.”

T H E S O C I A L C O M E D Y
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Love in a flat—a good flat—on twenty, yes, even on fifteen thousand a
year, may easily be preferable to riches without true affection.”
“Don’t undervalue love, dear child.





T H E Soc I A L Co M. E. D. Y.
SUNRISE BENEATH THE WAVES.

Tº H
E.
So c 1 A L
Co
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“My dear young lady, do you ever think of marrying?”
Why, I worry!”
“Think!

T H E So c 1 A L Co M. E. Dy
intº
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Unless you brace up I'll have to break our contract.
Manager:
"Don't say that! I have a child and two husbands to support.”

T H E Soc IA I. Co M. E. Dy
TROUBLE AHEAD.
Mrs. Mº Did your stenographer address those "at home” cards of mine to the list I gave you?
"Yes, but she made a slight error. She sent them to a list of our creditors.”

T H E S oc IA I. C. OM E D y
He .
º
---
º º º
º
A multi-millionaire!
“Never mind, dear.
I
Absurd ' I have scarcely a million.
will be so economical.”

T H E S oc IA I, Co M E D y
l—
The Leading Man: He is a great manager and it has always been his endeavor to uphold the actor's rights.
The Soubrette: And to “hold up" the actor.

T H E S oc IA I. C. O M E. D. Y.
º
|
|
RIVALS.
“Harriet, that pesky dog of yours has given me fleas.”
“Dear me, Harry! How you do grumble!
You ought to be glad they are on you instead of on poor little Binkie.”

T H E So c 1 A L Co M E D Y
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THE WATCH FUL EYE OF CAUTION.
-
“Isn't your mother worried by Captain Shorthouse's attentions to you?”
“Oh, no; since I gave Jack his freedom after the Copper Trust slump, mamma says I’m a real mother to myself, and now
she never worries.”







T H E Soc IA I. Co M. E. Dy
º
ſ
º

T H E Soc IA I. C. OM F D Y
The Rejected. And, pray what constitutes the highest happiness?
“The number of friends one has."
“Then I ought to be happy. Every girl I ever proposed to has promised to be a friend to me."

T H E Soc IA I. Co M. E. Dy
"Young man, I distinctly heard you kissing my daughter.”
"Can you swear to that?”
“Well, almost.”
"Suppose you go out again, sir, and make sure.”

T H E S oc IA I. Co M. E. Dy
"It is a pretty fable, but after all, Jack, if Galatea had had any experience of life
To stand upon a pedestal and be forever adored is a better job than to live in a flat and be forever ch
Venus had a spite against all pretty woman, Jack.”
she never would have done it.
anging cooks.

T H E Soc IA I. Co ºf E py
"I've spent fifteen hundred dollars on that girl in the last six months and now she refuses me.”
"But just think of what it would cost if she had accepted you.”

T H E So c 1 A L Co M E D Y
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His Wife: Good bye, dear. Write often, if it's only a check.







T H E Soc IA I. Co M. E. Dy
UNDER THE MISTLETOE.
A bachelor's Christmas dream.

T H E S oc IA I. Co M. E. Dy
LIKE GROWN-UPS.
"Oh, Gertrude! So naughty! And yet you prayed this morning to be made a good girl.”
“But, mamma, I didn't mean right away.”

T-kº-º- U-
-
A LONG WAY.
“What an innocent girl Miss Peerton is, isn't she?”
“Yes, indeed. She tells me it has taken years to
acquire it.”

T H E SO c IA I. C. O M E D Y
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NO REASON TO DOUBT IT.
“Are you sure you love my daughter?”
“Well, she seems to think so, sir, and she has had lots of experience with young men, you know.”

T H E
Soc IA I. Co M. E. Dy
THE EXCEPTION.
All the world loves a lover.
She.
Yes, excepting the other fellow who loves the same girl.
Despairing Suitor:

T H E Soc IA I. Co M. E. Dy
"I don't know which would be the more considerate, to accept or reject him.”
"The one he would get over soonest, my dear.”

T H E S oc IA I. Co M E D y
She Yes, but here is father; he was born in New York, was educated at Columbia, and inherited his money.
I call him a typical New Yorker.
He; Sorry not to agree with you.
“Why not, pray?”
"Because the typical New Yorker is born either in Ohio or Jerusalem, has made his money himself, and never
wasted any time on education.”

T H E S O C I A I. C. O M E D Y
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Mrs. Dimpleton: I am to see the doctor to-day, and I know he will insist upon my going abroad.
Dimpleton: No, he won't. I met him yesterday, and told him if he sent you abroad I couldn't pay his bill.





T H E So c 1 A L Co M E D Y
~Oſka Cos hing–
The Brother: Shall I stick her for a lump sum, or hold it over her as a perpetual menace?

T H E Soc IA I. Co M. E. Dy
"Why don't you get married? You have plenty of money, and sixty is the very prime of life.”
"I'm going to wait a few more years. Then I can have any girl I want.”

T H E S oc I A L C o M E D Y
Pza.
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Enthusiastic Young Miss: To think of your being a real literary man! I do so long to know how you write things.
Can you explain it?
Venerable Hack: It is the simplest thing. You have a mind suitably prepared. You get an idea. The idea being
introduced into the mind causes fermentation, during which a scum rises to the top and is carefully removed, leaving a
residue of clear thought. This you bottle up for your own use. The scum you sell to a publisher.

T H E S oc IA I. Co M. E. Dy
A SAGACIOUS SUITOR.
"Her father says he wants me to demonstrate first that I can earn my own living.”
"Are you going to try it?”
"What for? Why, I needn't marry her in that case!”

T H E S O C I A I. C. O M E D Y
º
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S. ~. Gº. `--—-
say, that our religious duties are of signal moment, but
Charles (loquitur): It is quite true, father, as you stic
e to conflict with others. Perhaps you and I could cover
they are often perplexing, and some of them often seem to m
the ground better if we used some judicious plan of co-operation. Suppose, for example, that you obey the in-
junction, “Give to him that asketh,” and leave me to supplement your efforts by taking no thought for the morrow.

T H E S oc IA I. Co M. E. Dy
|
|
-
"The chambermaid's down sick; come and help me m
"Impossible, mamma, dear.
ake the beds.”
I have just ten minutes to get over to the parish
house to the meeting of the
Willing Workers.”

T H E So c 1 A L Co M E D y
ſiſ gº
º
|
º
|
º º
| | |
He; Yes, dearest, I have loved before we met; but let us not dig up the past.
"Oh, all right, then; if you don't want to dig up the past, why let's not dig up the future either.”

T H E SO c 1 A L COM E D y
He; So you won't kiss and make up?
"Well, I won't make up.”

T H E S O c 1 A L C O M E D Y

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MUTILATE CARD








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