GRAD
A 964,094
PR
3619
.P3
M37
1678
BUHR
に
​:
E LIBRIS
H. G. DOGGETT,
ET C
IN CATALOGUE.
3
MARONIDES:
O R,
Virgil Travelty,
Being a New
PARAPHRASE
In Burleſque Verſe,
Upon the Fifth and Sixth Book
of Virgil's Æneids.
By John Phillips Gent. the Author
of the Satyr againſt Hypocrites.
LONDON,
Printed for Obadiah Blagrave, at the Bear
in St. Paul's Church-Yard, near the
Little North Door, 1678.
PR
FOLKESBU
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་
رہتا
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​want
ཝཱ
Dick.
marks
12-21-29
ΤΟ
20509 My Honoured Friend
GEORGE WHARTON Eſq;
Treaſurer and Pay-maſter of his Ma-
jefties Office of the Ordnance in the
TOWER.
Sir,
T
Here is no man that puts Pen to
Paper but has fo much kindneſs
for the offspring of his own fan-
cy, as to think it may deferve fome Cha-
rity, though it be but a Blew-coat enter-
tainment. If men cavil at the fubject, as
perhaps fome Pedagogues may for affron-
ing their Classic Author) tis no more
hen if they should fee Virgil himfelf
now playing at the firious game of Irish,
and by and by,turning the Tables,and tri-
fling away a little time at the idle fport of
Draughts. I know it is a rudeness to inter-
rupt the ferious studies of any perfon, but
for
The Epiftle
ז
for the fame person to take his own paftime
i noillmanners to himſelf; though as to
what relates to my defence perhaps I may
aver that he who reads the following pages
may find fo much of the πολλακι μώρος ἀνὴς ἰη-
termix'd,as wilperadventure turn'emmore.
into a lerious Satyr then a jocular ſtory,
Let others think what they pleafe; if the fe
extravagant bowers of mine fball barve
the happiness to gain your approbation, tís
what I expect. The chief reafon why Imake*
this addreſs to your felf, being, because I
am fully perf waded,that he who has been
fotrue a judge of Loyalty,can be no lefs a
judge of Ingenuity.
So 1 Remain
Tour Humble Servant
I. Phillips.
क
*
*
}
NO
{
Book V.
3
Maronides
OR
Virgil Travesty.
LIB. V.
Hile Dido in a Bed of Fire,
WH
WElile
A new-found. way to cool defire,
Lay wrapt in ſmoke, half Cole, half Dido,
Too late repenting Crime Libido,
Monfieur Æneas went his ways;
For which I con him little praife,
To leave a Lady, not ith' mire,
But which was worfer, in the fire.
He Neuter-like, had no great aim`,
To kindle or put out the flame.
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Book V.
MARONIDEs, or,
He had what he would have, the Wind;
More than ten Dido's to his mind.
The merry gale was all in Poop,
Which made the Trojanes all cry Hoop!
My Author tells ye they were glad,
They fuch a brave efcape had made
Fearing fome Hector, raging wood
For's Miſtreſs fate, in anger fhou'd,
First Cloyſter up their Wives, like Nunns;
;
Then geld themſelves, and fhave their Crowns,
They car'd not for fuch Punic Giggs,
For Whores then fold no Periwigs.
As thus they reafon'd among themſelves,
Safe as they thought from Sands and Shelves,
Carthage to them feem'd all in Flame,
Aucas knew himſelf too blame,
Yet doubting what caus'd the miſhap,
To know it would have pawn'd his Cap.
He knew his laft demeanor ill,
And his departure ungentile,
}
That
Book V.
W.
VIRGIL Travesty.
That Groom had neither gratifi'd
Nor Maid that tuckt up his Bed-fide.
And had forfook a willing Soul,
A Lady once, but now a Fool,
Strangely ore-ſhot to let a Looby,
So treacherouſly give her the go-by.
Such whims as thefe his thoughtful Breft,
With many a Gimcrack over-prelt.
When on a fudden, loe, the Air,
That was but now ferenely fair,
Choak'd with a flux of Rhume and Drivel
Began in manner moſt uncivil,
To fpaul upon Encas Beard,
And Trojan folk, whom fire had ſpar'd.
But when they heard the Ratling Thunder,
That Rent both Ears and Seas in funder,
Ready to daſh their Oyſter Skiffs,
Like Infants Brains againſt the Cliffs;
The women offer'd Jove their Smocks,
To fave'em from the threatning Rocks;
В 2
The
A
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}
#
VIRGIL Travesty.
Book V.
The men they proffer'd Smocks and Wives,
And all, to fave their own dear lives.
Better't had bin for us, they cry'd,
That we had bin like Herrings fry'd;
Than here to dy like drowned Rats,
Us and our Wives and little Brats.
And then they made it all their wishes
That Jove would turn 'em into Fiſhesi
For why, quoth they, a living Gudgeon,
Is better far than a dead Trojan.
Good Palinure, a kind of Zealot,
Fitter to make a Prieſt than Pilot,
For you would fwear that he poor Pidgeon,
No Seaman was by his Religion,
Foreſeeing well the neer diſaſters,
Fell ftreightway to his Pater nofters,
O Neptune, crying loud, quoth He,
Thou great Stat-holder of the Sea,
Ore all Sea-Horſes, and all Whales
The chief of Major-Generals;
7
What
Book V.
MA RONIDEs, or,
*
What ail your blubb-cheekt Aquilo's,
To trouble thus the Waves Repofe?
A knot of Hectring Dammie fellows,
Inſtead of Rapiers ufing Bellows,
Confounded Bragadochio fkipjacks
1
That live by fnatching Cloaks and Shipwracks,
Why doft thou let fuch Ragamuffins,
ན
Thus rudely make our ships our Coffins.
They know full well that thou and we,
Are of the felf fame Family.
ye,
So that what's don to us, alaſs,
Your Godfhip chiefly does difgrace.
For why ſhould fuch a fhabby brood ?
Abuſe your Worſhips Fleſh and Blood.
A peaceful Train, yet I affure
Such as might be of a Grand Jury.
For Kindred fake Sir Neptune then,
Make not Sea-Souce of your Kins-Men,
Eneas his Mustachio's tore,
Twas you, quoth he, by whom I fwore,
B 3.
+
To
Never to
late to rė-
pent.
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зад
6
Book V.
MARONIDES, or,
A reaſona-
To my dear Dido, faith and truth:
Come from the Chin of faithleſs Youth:
With that he tweag'd his Chaps and Jawes,
And vow'd they were the only cauſe :
Why to the tune of his diſaſter,
The Waves did dance,while Winds did blufter.
Yet on my Back I bare Anchifes,
My Father, or the World a ly fayes,
And fav'd him from the cruel Greeks ›
That elſe had fry'd him all in Steaks;
Now Oye Gods, I pray ye put,
ble request. To the Goofe Giblets the Hare's Foot ;.
And tell me why, why pious I,
Muſt thus by you forfaken dy.
Streight, Palinure he cry'd, So, ho,
What fhall we weather't out or no?
Pox weather it, quoth he again,
I think the Devil is in the Main,
I never kew fuch huffing tear-fmocks,
Heres fluſter bluſter with a Horf-pox,
By
7
Book V.
VIRGIL Travefy.
2
+
By all the Gods both old and young,
A little more will make me Dung.
Therefore left we be forc'd ith' cold:
To drink more than our skins will hold;
Ther's but one way, and that I'le tell ye,
Not far behind us lies si-cilly.
Where we fhall go in Satans name,
Turning our prows from whence we came,
There lives Accftes now turn'd Farmer
Would we were in his Chimney-Corner?
Rather than here to drop by handfuls
As if were the Devils windfalls.
This when Æneas did perceive,
He wip'd his Cheeks with Doublet fleeve.
For Handkerchief he had not any.
Then quo he had I Bancks of money,
Thou ſhould ft have them and eke my daughter
For thou haft given me caufe of laughter.
Troth Palinure th' haft hit the nail,
Upon the head and not the tail.
B 4
Our
***
·
VIRGIL Travesty A
Book Vi
#
the
+
#
}
*
1
Our Souls why fhould we hazard there,
Where fcarce our bodies dare appear?
*
I come not here to fight the Winds,
Or rather Devils in their kinds,
Orbeat mercy of the Seas,
The mark of all their injuries.
But Sicily's a place by Jove,
That above all the World I love.
+
Were I to chooſe through all the Ball,
I'de have it fooner than White-Hall.
Thou never couldft have nam'd one more,
Unleſs it be the Pomis'd Skore.
*
There lies my Father old Anchiſes,
Secure from Jun's damn'd devices.
Thether lets haften night and day.
You know wee're nere out of our way.
Having thus made a learned.fpeech,
Which made the Trojanes ears to itch;
They made the fhips ring with the noife,
Of hey! -for Sicily, brave boyes.
-F
}
And
*
%%%
'
MARONIDES, or,´
Book V.
And by and by they faw the Iſle;
Servius
faies the
Which made'em laugh out right, not ſmile. fmelt it,
Alceftes was a man well born,
And yet he thought it then no fcorne,
To be about a work moſt mean ;
which wat
moſt like,
by reafon it
was ſuch
dark night
For he was building up again,
A Chimney, which the ſtorm had thrown,
From top to bottom headlong down.
When on a fuddain he eſpy'd,
A troop of ſtrangers by Sea fide.
Blefs me what's yonder, ftraight quo He,
Come they to cat up mine, or me?
But when as they approached nigh,
He ſaw their Arms and Colours fly
Their grave grand Paw,Caps of a fize,
And cke their Beards cut Trojan wife.
Then void of fear, and paſt all doubting,
He fell a hollowing and a fhowting,
They came not now,he faw,to fight,
All Towns-born Children, by this Light.
+
With
10
Book V.
MARONIDES, Or,
"His good to
With that he leapt from off the Tiles
..
As fome men ſay, at leaſt two miles.
They were no fooner met, but hey!
Happy was he that could come nigh,
And though his eyes each one did fee,
He certain. Art thou, and thou alive, quoth he?
Be
Good faith my friends,twas boldly done,
For all of you to viſite one.
How could you think that I had roomes
To entertain a Poffe Com
But tis no matter, here
ye are,
Mycene now fhall know I'me Major,
I'me glad y'are come within my ycare,
Though but a Thatcher, I wont ſpare.
He had no Gown lin'd through with Fur,
Yet fomething like it, I affure;
A Bears skin lapt about his Groines,
As it was flead from the Bears loins.
Where fore-feet were, he put his Arms,
Where thoſe behind, his leggs he warms,
Yet
•
-
Book V.
.11
VIRGIL Travesty.
Yet this fame rugged jufticore,
They from his neck had almoſt tore.
Toward his nape, Love was fo brisk,
Twas rumpled like a Ladies Whisk,
So much the worſe becauſe that then,
Muff boxes were not us'd by men.
His Arms were fore, his joynts difplac'd,
So ftrong they fhook, fo hard embrac'd:
At length in pitty to his wriſts,
Enough quoth he, Enough your fifts.
Lefs Ceremony, good my friends,
Too much of it to Treafon tends,
Then every one to his content,
Sheath'd up his feveral Complement.
Which being done he march'd before'em
To's Mannor Houſe, in great Decorum.
Twas made of Lome, but little Brick,
Where without much of Rhetorick,
He bad'em welcome to his Hall
His Houſe-keeper was out of call,
>
༈ །
› VIRGIL Travesty.
Book V
*
X
{
34
He call'd her Bab: but fhe came not:
And which was worſe, the keys had got
But twas all one, bring them but where
Let them alone to break and tear.
There was no need to cry Sa-Sa,
For manners then there was no Law.
They fack't his Buttry in a moment
And on his drink ner'e ſtood to comment.
None were fo nice to call for Glaffes,
A Hatt for March-Beer far furpaffes.
"Now having while there laſted Meat,
Like Fiſhes drank, like Hoifes eat,
They call'd no Chaplains to fay Grace,
But ftreight look out for fleeping place.
Some ftrew'd themfelves upon the Rufnes,
Some under Trees, fome under Bufhes:
Do'nt talk to them of your Serenes,
There's nere a one knows what it means.
Eneas having got a nap,
By break of daylight gets him up.:
And
6
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rts
2
Book V
MARONIDES, Or
And being reſolved what to ſay,
He with a Drum, beats Reveillez.
The Trojans wake, and ere they pifs,
They Flock in heaps, and cry what's this?
Now when the Drummer by his Drumming
Had got them all together humming,
He had his will, filence quo he,
And fo gets up into a Tree.
Where, as my learned Author fayes,
He ſpoke theſe words, or words like thefe,
Faithful companions, whom by Jove,
I better than my Kidnies love;
Who from confumed Pergamus,
In Shirts and Drawers fcap'd with us,
To travel over Dales and Hills,
Unhappy ſharers of my Ills.
Tis now a year ago, not three,
The Devil take the year for me,
Since Death, and he'l nere leave his tricks
My Daddy flew, the beſt of Greeks.
•
ર
*
>
This
14
Book V.
MARONIDES, or,
++
This day by me fo much deplor'd¸
This day by me ſo much ador'd.
Deferves to be the top 'oth'year,
In Africk, Europe and elſe where.
Greater than English day, St. Georges,
Or day when Liv'ry-Gowns fill Barges;
Greater than ere St. Marks at Venice is,
Or Quarter day,or French St. Denis's.
And therefore now I hold it fit,
Since here we are ſo happy met,
so near the place where thoſe bones ly
Of three times facred memorie;
Thoſe bones to vifit and to make,
A day perpetual for their fake,
When bells ſhall ring o'th’Engliſh faſhion,
As at Queen Beſſes Coronation.
On every veſſel ſhall Aceſtes,
Who of our kindred now the beſt is,
The Father of a Calf beſtow,
Or two perhaps for well you know,
He's
Book V.
IS
VIRGIL Travesty,
{
He's free as Harlot of his fleſh.
Tomorrow then, nor am I raſh,
I do intend with pomp and frate,
A mighty feaſt to celebrate;
And that you may not think it ſmall,
No fuch was e're at Grocers Hall.
All our own Gods we will invite,
And if our Goffip can give light.
Of any more, wee'l have 'em all:
When faw ye Gods, pray, at Guildhal?'
Then come not there with fnotty noſes,
But with filk ſtockins, fhoes and rofes
Nor let your women there appear
With dirty fmock-fleeves, foul head-geare,
With Cover-flut from Neck to Toe,
As Maids to morning Lectures go.
But let 'em come into the place,
With Farandine Gowns, and pointed Lace.
With Golden fhoes, and Forehead Curles,
As they were Daughters all of Earls.
Bot
16
Book V.
VIRGIL Travesty.
:
But above all, I charge you this,
That of clean frocks they do not mifs.
If after nine-days it be fair,
No Rain defcending from the Ayr,
To ſpoyl thofe Clothes I'de have you wear.
Then will I pleafe you feveral days,
With Rope-dancing and Poppet plays:
With Gyants and Dutch-women tall,
Strange Fiſhes, and the Devil and all.
With Fools excelling runcinello,
Or Andrew eke that merry fellow.
I'le have a Sea-fight, but in jeft,
And give rewards to them do beft. -
Upon the place there fhall not lack
Teirces of Claret, Buts of Sack,
With heads knockt out to my great praife,
Where ye fhall drink a thouſand ways.
There fhall be Glees, and Catches ftore,
Chiefly, the Fair Lavinian Shoar.
I'le have a Pipe too in my hand,
ર
And
Book V.
17
VIRGIL Travesty.
کھی
And fmoak and drink while I can ſtand :
I'le neither ſpare my Purfe nor brains
The mirth of that day to advance.
If this you like then ſhout my Boys.
With that they fhout with difmal noife.
Have you not heard in Winter weather
Ten thouſand Turnep-men together;
Tearing their throats to let
you know
The vertue of Long Turnep Ho!
So did the Trojans rend the ſky,
Though wherefore they knew not, nor why,
Now when Eneas and the Rout,
2
Had fhouted out their monftrous fhout :
He would have prefently ſpoke on,
But could not, for his breath was gon.
Streight having clear'd his throat from flegm,
With a ftout Hauk, and Pulpit Hem,
To fhew his witt was nothing feeble,
He broke'm many a pretty Quibble,
And coax'd'm up with many a wheedle:
C
Come
+
18
Book V.
MARONIDES, or,
Come faithful friends let's not be Idle.
Fetch from the Woods, tis no diſhonour
In fpight of him that owes the Mannor,
Fetch Myrtle home to crown the brows
Of all the Chiefs, while they carouſe
Deep Healths to my deceaſed Father;
Tis not a Theft, but vertue rather;
For Myrtles are my Mothers Trees
And
you may take'm as her fees.
The Trojans thus led by the noſe,
Went all like fools to gather Boughs.
They went and being come again,
Eneas had a Crown or twain.
One he put on, and then feem'd dreſt
Like ſteward of a City feaſt.
So was Alceftes likewife Crown'd,
And eke Elymus far renown'd;
Aged in years but young in Crafts,
For he play'd well at Chefs, and Draughts.
Could cure the Ring-bone in a Horſe,
The
•
·
Book V. VIRGIL Travesty.
19
ར་་
}
The Malanders, the Vives, and Farce.
With Birdlime likewife made of Tur.
Could Felfares catch and other Birds.
And had befides, let no man grudg it,
A hundred knacks more in his Budge
Thus Crown'd alfo was young Afcane₂
Clad Ala mode de la Campagne.
For he had on a Martial Mantle,
Which in Carthage by inch of Candle;
His Mother for a trifle bought:
It was a Scarlet Peticoate,
Which ſhe had cut into that ſhape
To pleaſe the Fathers darling Ape.
All the young fops that this did fee
Got Garlands too of any Tree.
And was it not a fight moſt good,
For to behold a walking Wood?
Eneas the Incomparable,
March'd at the head of all the Rabble.
With pace and geſture ſo Majeſtick,
*
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20
Book V.
MARONIDEs, or,
f
f
More like a Dancer than a Ruftick :
Old Man nor Child did never know
A
fight more like my Lord Majors fhow.
Or if the Colour had not alter'd,
(But for a word my Rhyme had falter'd)
When the Red-feather-men are ſeen,
To march to the Artill'ry Green.
Now being come unto the Tomb,
The poor man ſeem'd with grief ore'come,
He bid❜m fetch a Pint of Claret
2
A Meſſenger was ſtreight ſent for it,
When't came, he would not one drop drink,
(A thing you'l fay is hard to think)
But threw it all on the Sepulchre,
Where lay the bones of Father skulker ;
A bowl of Milk he powr'd likewiſe,
But what that meant I can't deviſe.
All this he ſtrewd with herbs and flowers,
Then dropping tears like pibble ſhowers.
Bones of my Father bonas Noches
That
Book V.
21
VIRGIL Travesty.
That now ly free from all Reproaches,
While I by my miffortunes here,
Am hunted dry-foot like a Deere ;
I like a Tartar rove about,
>
Tis well I have not got the Gout ;
Oh had ye liv'd but one year longer
And fate then you had not been ſtronger;
We might have lodg'd ye peradventure,
In promis'd Italy's fair Center.
Where if a Soldier may be bold,
To ſpeak what he has oft been told;
Though after many a bloody noſe,
Our offspring having beat their Foes,
Spite of their teeths, by Sea and Land,
Shall all the Univerſe Command.
But Heav'n it ſeems was never minded,
Things fhould fall out as I intended.
His pious humor more did mean,
But for a chance that fpoyl'd the Scene.
For in the midſt of his devotion,
!
C 3
A
22
Book V.
MARONIDEs, or,
1
A Serpent with his crawling motion
Juft by his Holineſs appear'd,
More horrid than a Switzers beard.
Eneas with the fight perplext,
Was quickly put befide his Text.
This Serpent was in length ten Ells,
And cover'd all with yellow fcales;
That was one colour, but too true,
There were both grey,and green, and blew
An ugly face he had to blinck on,
For'a lookt as Satan lookt or'e Lincoln.
His ferpents gate, and folding tayl,
Their ſtouteft hearts did quell and quail.
And ſurely all had not been clean,
But that a thing did intervene.
For by and by he plainly fhew'd,
He came not for their harm or good.
He therefore gave a gratious fmile,
On the poor Trojans, dead ere while.
Aneas who was allwayes free,
In
Book, V.
23.
VIRGIL Travesty.
་
In Curtefie for Curteſie,
Seeing him fmile, reviv'd at heart
t,
Reſolved to play the Foxes part,
And kindly treate th'unbidden gueſt,
More like a Chriftian than a Beaft.
So when he faw the Serpent grin,
He like a Courtier fmiles agen.
pent,
But you must know that the Ser
"That came not there to complement.
Took little notice of his cringes,
But fmartly to the Tomb he fwinges,
To take his fhare of the oblations,
Which he lickt up without Orations.
Returning gravely from the Tomb,
The people freely gave him Room.
For though his cloaths were very brave,
He needed none to cry, beare leave.
Now here he made a little paufe,
As Lipfins thinks, to pick his jawes.
And having ſhewn his back fo fine,
C 4
The
4
i
24
Book V.
MARONIDES, or,
፡
The which like China filk did fhine.
Away he flipt, but Heav'n knowes how
The French man faies 'twas through a Trou,
Anglice hole. But Pefcods take him,
Virgil that while he was a making,
Might'a made what fo er'e he lift,
Moufe-hole, or pin-hole, hole by Twiſt,
Or any other hole; yet left
ว
Us quite ith' lurch; it was a cleft
I fay; let him deny't that dares
Do you Sir? Serpent, take his Ears.
Well being gon, they ſtrove to know
What it ſhould be that plagu'd'm fo.
Eneas thought 'twas by's agility
In licking plates with fuch docility,
The foul of a Valet du Chamber,
Whoſe name I cannot well remember,
Which once his Father had,
But others with a better face,'
That was the Numen of the place.
At
Book V.
25
VIRGIL Travefty.
At length they cryd with much debate,
Twas ſomething but they knew not what,
Howe're thus warn'd, Æneas gave
New honours to his Fathers Grave.
He don'd a Countenance moft fad;
I mean religious, and not mad;
He that will bring new things to paſs,
Muft able be to change his face, .
Pretend occafions for his fears;
If he can't weep, muft buy his tears,
Of fix fat Sheep he cut the throats,
And five fat Pigs as plump as Goats:
And fix fat Heifers to his wiſhes :
The blood he powred out in diſhes:
The Wine from pales he fpilt like whey;
Then proftrate on the Tomb he lay
(Had now the Serpent come to fup,
And eat the brave Eneas up.
Marry! I hope 'twas ne're intended,
For then the ſtory had been ended)
And as he lay like a great Calf,
Invoak'd
26
Book V.
MARONIDES, or,
That is, he
did not
Speak fo
much as
half a word
Invoak'd his Fathers better half:
But whatſoe'r he ſaid, or cry'd,
Nor Soul nor Father Tit
reply'd.
The Devil a Tithe faid, I fay,
But there like stock-Fiſh, dead he lay.
At his own Charge Æneas could
Not make this facrifice ſo good;
His Fellow Trojans therefore bore
The great expence, fome lefs, fome more.
Though not by Subfidy nor Pole,
But by a free and willing Dole,
When this was done,they fell to worke,
Debauching more than Jew or Turk.
From right to left the Healths went round,
They roard and fung, and tore the ground.
Eneas with his brave Adventures
Top'd it fo long, he made Indentures.
This was apparent after Supper
By a damn'd fall upon his Crupper;
And that he got by cutting Capers.
By
Book V.
27
VIRGIL Travesty.
By which perfwaded and the Vapours
That had to over-pois'd his head,
}
He took a light, and reel'd to bed.
Now Phœbus gave a new Carere,
And bright Aurora doth appear;
It was no Morn fair in the Cradle,
And by and by fowl in the faddle
Yet twas a Morn, to tell you truth,
Born with a Proverb in her Mouth.
For Proverb tells ye,Morning Grey
Is always Mother of fair day.
But above all, 'twas the ninth Morn,
The Monfieur then, you know, had ſworn
To ſhew the people many a fight
The women they fate up all night,
To waſh their necks and heads to Kemm,
And make their Children fine as them.
The maids that ſlept with naked Tayle,
Dreamt all of Cakes, and bottle Ale.
Not only Trojans, but Sicilians
,
Both
i
a
}
For people
lovga
ping after
Shews the
as well as
now.
28
MARONIDES, or,
Book V.
Both City dames and Croyden-Gillians,
For ten mile round, were alſo fine
At place prepar'd, ere clock ftrook nine.
Young men and maids, Old men and babes,
Lady's in Coaches, durty drabs,
In wooden-heel ſhoos,and fhooftrings blew,
With headlong haft came all to view
The fare renowned Trojan blades ;
And eke their folemn Maſquerades,
Aneas brought the prizes forth,
Which were to be rewards of worth:
A very noble Porridg-Pot,
Two doublets very finely wrought
The one half, filk, the other Canvas,
Two Flagellets, a Treble, and baſe:
An Engin, which, if I don't err,
Great Artiſts call a Nut-Cracker:
Trenchers two dozen, I don't dally,
The which Aneas in a Sally,
Plunder'd from Tent of Agamemnon,
There
Book V.
29
VIRGIL Travesty.
{
There was no reaſon to contemn'um
Though they were brown,yet they were good
And purchaz'd with the price of blood.
One of old Priams greafie Hats.
An inſtrument to murder Cats.
The work of famous Ariftander,
Mathematician and Commander;
Who fifty ways could Rats deſtroy
And wrot thereof a Bock in Trøy.
A Peuter Bowl enamel'd rare;
Two Slippers, two, and not a pair;
For one was mighty Hectors own,
The other Jaſon wore alone;
The one was blew,the other green,
Embroider'd both with Gold I ween.
A Gittern whereon Helen playd,
When very young, I mean, a maid.
With many other Rarities
To pleaſe the moſt ambitious eyes;
The which Æneas liberal
Ex-
He that &.
ſtinguiſhes
well tea-
ches weld
7
.30
Book V
MARONIDES, or
Expos'd to view upon a Stall.
Eneas first beat up his Drum;
(
Here the Then taking Trumpet with his || Thumb,
Thumb is
taken for He founds a Levet Tan, tan,ta,ra:
whole band.
He blew with fuch a Si fa ra ra,
Until he got the Piles behind :
Behold the mighty force of Wind!
And then for filence making fign,
With Eloquence the moſt divine;
Quo he, let us begin by Sea,
And with our Ships commence the Play:
The Vanquiſher that ſhall command
Shall be rewarded out of hand,
With ſuch a prize, as he ſhall ſay,
And for a truth affirm it may,
When he came out of Mothers placket,
That he was wrapt in Mothers fmicket.
Meneftheus, and there hangs a tale,
Choſe the good Ship, yclepd the Whale,
Who when he came to Italy,
Firft
Book V.
VIRGIL Travesty.
Firſt founded Memmion Progeny.
To whofe geeat deeds, if y' are not privy,
In Engliſh read, or Latine,Livy.
Gias a young man well deſcended;
The next place ftrove to be commended.
For he was ſtrong and very Chuffiſh,
And a great diver was for Craw-fiſh.
Sergestus was the third brave blade,
Who, when he came to Rome, first made
The houſe of Sergius far renown'd:
Thence Galba came, an Emperor crown'd.
Now this Sergeftus fhav'd his head:
For why? becauſe his hair was red.
But for the Ship he ruled o're,
'Twas call'd, they fay, the good Centore.
He playdall Games at dice all weathers:
And Fowl devoured in their feathers,
For knowledge was not then prepar'd
To turn-pike up their skins with Lard.
Cloantus was the next brave Lad,
In
32
Book V.
MARONIDES, or,
}
In Drawers madeof Canvas cladd.
His good Ship was the Scylla nam'd
Himſelf for little elfe was fam'd.
Only from him and from his Dame,
They fay, Seignor Cluentus came.
Theſe only were the Gallant Boyes
That ſtrove to win Eneas toyes.
Not far ith' Sea there ftood a Rock,
Your brains out fooner you might knock,
Then move it, yet becauſe it ſtood
So near the Shoare, they held it good
To make this Rock Contenders mark,
He that firſt touch't it was a ſpark.
Eneas full of wit and wile,
Thought good to throw up croſs or pile,
T'avoid contention and more ſtrife
Then he intended;to be brief,
The Galleys having took their place,
The brave Commanders, each with face
Like Lyons bold ſtood on the Poop,
•
•
In
Book V
VIRGIL Travesty. 33
In one hand Brandy, t'other Rope.
Quo they unto their Gally Slaves,
As every one himſelf behaves,
Here's this or this, take which you pleaſe,
But this I think's moſt for your eafe;
1 can affure you 'tis for mine.
Then leaving Rope, take Brandy wine.
That is, like Devils row, not men;
So I and you ſhall honour gain.
With that a generous heat invaded
Their braunie Arms with Oyl bedaubed,
And if their hearts went pit a pat,
Twas only fearing they knew what.
With ſpeeches thus and courage ipur'd,
They wanted nothing but the word.
The fignal given, to't they go,
With Head above and Tayl below:
All at one time they make a ſtart,
T'ha feen it would have joy'd your heart.
I'ch name of ill luck fee the flaves,
How they do cut and flaſh the waves;
D
How
34
Book V.
MARONIDEs, or,
哦
​How they do fweat! the more fools they;
They need no Uſhers to make way.
In vain the Ocean yells and roars;
You'd think'm rather Wings than Oars.
And for the Ships not many words,
You'd fwear they were no Ships, but birds.
Have you er'e ſeen on Wilton Plain,
Of gallant Courfers three or twain;
How nimbly forward each one pricks,
While their thin fides the Rider licks?
So through the Sea the ftraining Galleys
Are fore'd for their Commanders follies.
See how the oyl of heated brows,
Drops from their Foreheads on their Tocs,
Streight one the order breaks, and then,
What fay's the man commands the men?
You may be fure he ſays no prayers ;
But to be fure, devoutly fwears ;
Row, row ye Rogues,row for your lives
You'l pleaſe the Gods, and pleaſe your Wives.
Row
Book V.
35
VIRGIL Travesty.
go.
Row Devils, d'ont ye proverbs know?
What Devil drives,that needs muſt
The pleas'd fpectators they behold,
And each one wiſhes, as he would
Have the cauſe to go. Here prayeth one
For friend, there mother for her fon.
With various clamours, various cries
They all be-din th'amazed skies.
Fair Eccho hearing fuch a clamor,
Refolv'd to make one, as became her,
Replying to the word Courage,
Courage fometimes,and fonetimes rage,
Gyas fo well his bufinefs ply'd,
That he was got a fpet and ftride
Before the reft for underſtand
ye,
H'had been no niggard of his Brandy.
Their heads were lighter by a Tun,
Which made the Ship the fafter run.
Cloantus follow'd clofe a Stern,
While t'other nails doth bite, and girn.
D 2
His
36
3
MARONIDEs, or,
Book V.
ގ
}
His heel alas was heavier much
A damn'd fly-bottom made by Dutch.
The Whale and Centaure jig by joul,
Swam very friendly to the Goal.
But now theſe friendly Enemies,
Men otherwiſe diſcreet and wife;
Seeing themſelves approach the place
That gave them honour or difgrace
every one looks on his brother
Now every
As if they could have eat each other.
Have you ere ſeen upon the tiles,
When Moon on tops of Houſes fimiles,
Two great boar-cats, with ſparkling eyes,
Look each on other, while the prize,
Grey Maulkin,couches in their fight,
So Trojans now brim full of fpite
Wiſh that the ſhips and men allo
Might rather to the Devil
go.
Or to the bottom of the Sea,
Than that his ſhip ſhould lofe the day.
1
1.
Gjas
Book V.
37
VIRGIL Travesty.
么
​Gyas who thought his Pilot ſteer'd,
Too Roomie,and fome by-blow fear'd,
Roard like a Lyon, ye damn'd dog,
Why fo far off, keep cloſe ye Rogue,
Why Menetus? fon of a whore,
I fay keep clofer to the shore.
But Menetus was deaf as block.
For his experience feard a Rock.
Which if the ſhip it once ſhould juſtle,
Yfaith Sir Guyas might go whuftle.
Then Guyas in a fury falls,
And yauls and bauls, and calls and yauls.
Hei-Dotard, Pilot mine A-
Hir'd by my foes, and that is worfe
My youth of honour to deprive.
Clofe; or the Devil fetch thee alive.
Soul of a dog keep cloſe a fhore.
But Menetus would nere the more.
Mean-while Cloantus near at hand,
Slides betwixt Guyas and the Land.
D 3
;
Where
38
Book V.
MARONIDES, or,
}
Where Menetus had left the Shore,
O Heav'ns! how Gyas then did roar.
His choler boyl'd up like a Kéttel,
And in the heat of all his mettle,
To Menetus he dings amain:
و
१
He did not ftand with ferious brain
T'adviſe if raſnnels were a fault;
But in a moment,quick as thought,
Griping his neck,as Poult'rers gripe
The necks of Turkies, Hens, or Snipe
He plung'd him headlong in the Sea,
Sans complement or other plea.
Go there,quo he,confounded fop,
Fit but to make the Devil a fop
And now to fetch Cloantus up,
He takes the Helm in his own clutches,
Quo he, Hell take the flave that grutches
To melt his greafe or break his back,
Rather than let my Honour crack.
By this poor Menetus that (wum
Not
Book. V.
39
VIRGIL Travesty.
!
Not like a ſtone, but like a Drum,
Had made a fhift, a good one too,
To fcramble though without a Shoo,
Up to the top of a ſmall Cliff.
No other Chamber,to his grief,
He then could have to dry his hair
Each one of which might well compare
To the beſt River in the Iſle.
His hary Arms he ſqueez'd er'e while,
And fil'd at every ſtroak three pails.
He frown'd and fcowld, and bit his nails.
The people that beheld his fall
Yet forry did not ſeem at all,
Could not but laugh when they lookt up,
And faw him on the peeked top
Perch'd like an Ape upon his breech.
They could not hear his raving fpeech;
But judg'dhim angry by his face,
And twisting beard at his difgrace.
By this advantage thoſe behind
DA
4
That
1
40
Book V
MARONIDES, or,
✓
That neither with their Oars nor wind
Could hope before, now haul and tear,
Thinking to put in for a ſhare.
Sergestus therefore ſtraining hard,
Menefiheus leaves i'the rear gard,
Which he difdaining cries outwrite
Ye curfed flaves, you row, you (hite.
You work as if your Arms were broke,
Such fcoundrel dogs the Devil choak.
What Hoſpital have I diſp?opl'd,
For fuch a crew fo damn'dly crippl'd.
What Goale broke looſe to vex my brains,
With fetter'd Arms and Feet in Chains ?
1
There go again damn'd rotten fellows,
Good for juſt nothing but the Gallowes.
Well Neptune hadft thou been ſo kind,
T'alfift me with one puff of wind, I
Thou ſhouldft have known, deny't who can,
Thou hadft oblig'd a Gentleman.
But fince your worſhip plainly thews,
The
Book V.
VIRGIL Travesty.
The little love to me it owes;
And that I muſt be yet beholding
To theſe weak ſlaves, Ile leave off fcolding.
Row on my hearts, men of renown,
Redeem your honour and my own.
This picquant fpeech fo prickt their fouls,
That they renew their ftrength in foals,
The truants dry before, grew wet;
All on a ſuddain bath'd in ſweat.
Sergeftus fearing they would rout him,
With double fury layes about him.
But wo for him in time of need,
The more the haſt, the worſe the ſpeed.
For ill adviſed of a rock,
The ſhip with fuch a wannion ſtrook ;
Rafh went the Keel, crack went the prow :
Some twenty Oars brake at one blow.
Quo one, thrown off as he was rowing,
I'th Devils name where am I going?
Two hundred men were flung about,
}
As₁₂
42
Book V.
MARONIDE S, or,
**
As, Man had been but a dish-clout,
Like chairs and ftools in Tavern fray,
Here one and there another lay.
Sergeftus,more ith' fuds than Sea,
Miſfortune would not yet obey.
But made'm go to work again ;
And fish the pieces out o'th' Main.
Chear up my boys, there's life in Muftle
With that they kept a heavy buſtle;
And preſently they got her off.
They row and heave, and blow and puff.
Sergeftus daunc'd a Sarraband
To fee his men obey command.
Now you muſt know that in the nick
Of this mifchance, Meneftheus quick-
Ly had the Centaur over-tun.
And feeing now his buſineſs done
Oh ! are ye there, quo he, ſtick faſt,
ક
Till I come back; I'me now in haſt ;
Which made Sergeftus backward pray
A
For
}
Book V.
43
VIRGIL Travesty.
For the misfortune of the day.
While poor Sergeftus thus imbroil'd,
Againſt the worſt of evils toil'd,
Meneftheus heads young Gyas prow
Quo he, hei-Gas what chere ho!
Where's Menetus? gon to Peg Trantum ?
Such pocky Pilots who can want'm ?
Gyas made no reply for grief.;
But there he ſtood juſt like Lots Wife.
His Ship like Horfe without a bridle
Made a great buſtle, yet was idle.
Cloantus ſtraight he overtook :
Cloantus that could hardly brook,
Againft his men he difimbogues
A hundred Villains, Thouſand Rogues.
But 'twas in vain to keep a pudder,
When men could hardly hold the Rudder.
Thus from hard fortune Heav'n protect us!
Cloantus victor now est victus.
Menetheus now with wind and tide
And
1
1
4
A
1
44
Book V.
MARONIDES,or,
•
#*
}
And acclamations on his fide,
Went on without competitor.
Tis good you fee fometimes therefore,
To have the favour of a Whore.
Cloantus leeing this abuſe,
Although what Seamen feldome uſe
Yet in a cafe fo neceffary,
From Custome yet refolves to vary.
And though as mad as are March Hares
Compos'd his mind to lay his Prayers.
They ſay he made this brief Oration,
Or rather ſweet ejaculation.
Ye Gods, that lodged in the Seas,
Oft fuccour Veffels in diftrefs,
:
When overcharged with Hogsheads,
And taking Rocks for feather-beds,
They oft to him become a prey,
That owes the Mannor of the Sea.
And likewife, that which never fails,
You let your Arles gainſt the tayls.
Of
Book V.
VIRGIL Travesty.
45
2
behind;
Of Galleys, when they want a wind,
And blow'em forward with
If by your aid my vetfel flow
Shall win the prize, Imake this vow;
An Ox fhall be the Recompence,
Of your Divine omnipotence;
And then to pleaſe your appetite
That is Ragou's take much delight,
The body (hall be ſtuft with parfly;
The Entrails fpiced, and pepper'd fiercely.
And for to treat you as my Minions,
I do affure you of Champignons:
With this a prefent of Greek-wine
To tope your nofes moſt divine.
And as for Fish, ye then ſhall ſurfeit
On Salmon, Cods-head,Carp and Turbet.
This vow atteſted with Cud-nowns,
Made water in their mouths eft-foons.
Immediately the Sea-Gods all,
And Goddeſſes both great and finall,
→
To
1
46
Book V:
MARONIDES, or
To help Cloantus are agreed,
{
In hopes fo well to drink and feed.
So by main ftrength they gave a ſhove,
Or whether they the ſhip did move
Some other way, that makes no matter
But fure I am he got the better;
Leaving Menestheus and the reſt
To follow him as they could beſt.
Cloantus now in Port fo fafe,
For Joy it made Aneas laugh.
And after that he made a ſpeech
Which did the Company bewitch.
And by a Herauld did proclaim
The worshipful Cloanthus fame;
And then with Lawrel crown'd his head
In token he fo well had fped.
Then from his pocket forth he drew
A Leathern pouch,both full and new;
And gave the Mariners, I think,
Some four Deneers a peice, to drink.
And
Book V.
47
VIRGIL Travesty.
And farther for their prefent Chear,
L
He fet a broach three tunns of beer.
A Brigandine moft gay and rich
Cloanth to take he did befeech,
Who though he then for joy did cry,
To take the fame did not deny.
It was a very neat deſigne,
. For it was full of Pictures fine.
By graver wrought there might you read,
The Hiſtory of Ganimed.
Fair Ganimed great Joves Bordachio,
,
Whoſe Chin he prickt with his Muſtachio.
There the young fquire you might behold
With hunting Javelin on his should-
Er, and you'd think he did pürſue
A Hart that fled, but neither true.
Juft in the nick an Eagle came,
'Twas wild on Earth but in Heav'n tame;
Who being fent for his dear fake
Takes perfect hold with Claws and beak
}
And
48
Book V
MARONIDES, or,
Į
་
And freight according to the plot,
Away he carries little 7 rott.
In vain his play-fellowes purfue
The mighty bird, that ſwiftly flew.
There you may fee his Greyhound Plackets
Seeming to keep a fearful Racket,
Striving to leap into the Air:
What noiſes he made ye cannot heat.
And well it was'twas but a picture,
His howling elſe, as I conjecture,
Cloantus might have made repent,
Th'acceptance of his Ornament.
The Painter yet did well t'exprefs
The Greyhounds love and tenderneſs.
And Virgil too did well to thew,
That he what painting meant did know.
A Cuiras (hap'd in Clouds of Gold,
Menestheus had to have and hold
To him and to his heirs for ever,
They fay a fairer was ſeen never,
1
If
Book V.
49
VIRGIL Travesty.
It was the Cuiras of a Cap-
Tain, that long fince had the miſhap
(Miſhap indeed) for to be kill'd,
By great neas in the field.
As fine as 'twas, it feems, the fame
Sav'd neither Maſters life,nor fame.
This Captain was Demoleon hight,
Now being flain bid him good night.
The Cuiras it was all of Gold,
For twas ſo heavy that to hold
It in their Arms, nor Sagaris
Nor Phegeus could endure I wifs.
You'd have me tell you, who they be,
No by my truth, Ime not fo free.
Two brazen Kettles he gave more,
Two gondola's without an Oar 3
Of Latten made, and worth each one,
I gueſs, about a duccatoon.
As for who 'twas theſe guifts deferv'd,
Virgil is very much referv'd,
E
An!
1
•
50
Book V.
MARONIDES, or,`
And fparingly divides the ſtore,
*
To Cloanth, only, and one more.
Our knick-knacks were more freely giv'n,
But how they'l get'm, that knowes Heaven:
Now they that were contented well,
Were well content by the ſequel.
Which made them on the fands to walk,
For Liberty to chat and talk.
As they were making their preambles
Of their archievments and their gambols,
Repeating one thing ten times over ;
Echold! what is it they diſcover.
Even Sergeftus all forlorn;
With broken Oars, and veſſel torn,
Making god-wot, a weak endeavour
The Shoar in fafety to recover.
He lookt like one quite broke at fpeirings
After fome twenty thousand jeerings.
For you must know he took't in ſnuff
That any Rock thould him out-buff.
But
+
¿
Book V.
51
VIRGIL Travesty:
But in his paffion came too nigh him,
For Rock would not be hector'd by him,
Which brought him unto weeping Crols;
More for the ſhame than for the lofs.
Have you a Serpent ever feen,
With skin fo pompous, blew and green.
Taking his paftime on the Road,
When on a fuddain the ſwift load
Of hanckney-Coach his chine doth crack)
Tearing his kidneys from his back.
There moves the Snake brisk at the head,'
but by the tayl ill followed,
So now the (hip, in fome part whole,
Infome parts full as waſhing bowl,
And pinion'd quite for want of wings
Of Oars I mean, or fuch like things,
Inftead of fwimming, briskly row'd,
Moves like a Tortoiſe, only towd,
At length with help of little wind,
(Thanks to the little gale fo kind)
1
1
•
E 2
A
52
Book V.
MARONIDES, or,
And Canvas faile,(live ever they,
That Canvas firſt did bring in play)
3
With much ado fhe made the Port:
Sergeftus, looked ala mort.
How'ere Aneas, good man he,
Of
poor Sergeftus took Pi-tee'
Tis thought there were fome (havers there;
Wifht'rather his, than their own ſhare.
Pox on't, quo one, would I had loft,
I had fav'd my bones and yet got moſt.
For for to comfort up his heart,
And wath his tayl all mire and durt,
Aneas gave him dainty maid;
I mean a Nurfe, whatere I fayd,
With too fmall Children at her breſt ;
So she could be no maid, 'tis gueft.
This woman was Nurſe Pholoe hight
She could both read, and pothooks wright,
Her noftrel was fo wide and plain,
That you might almoft fee her brain,
*
Though
>
Book V.
$3
VIRGIL Travefty.
→
}
Though Cretan born, yet was (he free,
From lying or from thievery.
Her face was fomething black and fat,
And eke her Armholes fmelt fomewhat.
She playd upon the Virginals;
With Caftanets could dance at balls
She could preſerve, and alſo ſtarch;
And fo to other things we march.
Aneas quitting the fea-thore
;
Betakes him to a feild; wherefore ?
Not ſo faſt Tom; for you must know,
The field was large and wild alfo.
And Virgil lays not to ſpoyl meeter,
'Twas like a Cirque or Amphitheter.
There fitting on a peice of Timber,
As far as I can well remember,
Aneas that renouned widgeon
There words did fpeak in language Phrygian.
My loving friends and dear alfiftants
Twixt you and I there is no diftance
1
E 3
I
54
Book V.
MARONIDES, or,
I come not here with tales of tubs,
And therefore from your Nolberjobs
Lend me your leathern Lugs I pray,
And liften well to what I fay.
If any of you here will run,
You may, if not, let it alone.
Better occafion, friends, believe it ye,
No man can have to fhew activity,
Better employment to your mind,
Where can your mighty Lordships find,
Then to beftir your Lordly leggs
In running after Mumblede pegs?
Sa, Sa, then come,make haft and ſtrip;
You know that time doth nimbly skip.
As for your doublets, I hall watch'em :
Hands nimbler than your heels muft catch'em:
And he that has a nimble thigh,
Let him here fhew it by and by.
For he that with his active pumps,
Can put his enemies to his trumps,
Or
Book. V.
55
VIRGIL Travesty.
Or fairly winn the first affault,
The Cat hath ftill left in the mault
Something which I as my great truſt is
Shall give to all with equal justice.
This faithful promife being made,
Their hairy bofoms foon difplaid.
The Trojans eke and mixt Sicilians
That came to fee were many millions,
Or thoufands, for what fhould I ly for?
I fear I have err'd above a Cipher.
But they that Poets read you know
Will never ftand for a round 0:
But if they thould, 'tis hard in my fence,
To be debarr'd Poetick Licence.
Which Poets claim, as more emphatick,
Than Confcience free to a Phanatick.
Euryalus, a youth moſt proper
Shews all to Ladies but his Crupper ;
For he had nothing on but's drawers
The firſt of Trojan clapper-clawers.
E. 4
My
}
56
Book V.
MARONIDES, or,
}
My Maſter Nifus next appears,
He had lefs ſhame, but far more years.
For he had nothing but his ſhirt,
Under his twift with knot begift.
His love was great t'Euryalus,
A pious love, and not for lufs.
Diores next fprung from the Race
Of Royal Priam, fhews his face,
With Helymus and Panopes
Hoy day,-
and who I pray are theſe?
Why thefe were two rich Farmers fons,
Aceftes great Companions.
In fair,they hunted, in foul weather,
They drank and play'd and whor'd together.
Patron were next and Salias
The one a bold Arcadian was,
The other an Acarnan brisk,
To run, or cuff, or tumble whisk:
But which was one, or which was t'other,
Maro himself doth not diſcover.
Why
Book V.
57
VIRGIL Travesty.
Why then d'ye think I'le tell ye more.
Than I my felf was told before?
Yet this le fay that Maro could not,
Or if he could, I'me fure he would not
From one was lineally defcended
The Croyden Butcher focommended.
The other to make out th'intreague,
Forefather was of nimble Teage.
Of all the reft we fay but little,
Since Maro fpares to ſpeak a tittle.
All being thus refolv'd to run,
Quo they,to great Anchiſes ſon,
With guts difcharg'd and bladders empty,
Loe here our felves we do prefent thee.
Streight-way Aneas fitting boldly
On timber-log of which I told ye.
By kind affiftance of his tongue,
Made'em, they fay, this fhort Harangue
He that of you shall run the beft,
By my dead Father three times bleft,
In
في
58
Book V.
MARONFDE 8, or,
In no wife shall repent his bargain,
For hear what I propofe ye for gain.
Two darts, both made of Gnofian craft,
Of Ebonie ſhall be the shaft ;
Feather'd with Gold, which feems a Bull
But that I fpeak to men not dull.
A Partifan of steel, but fuch
An one, as you may make as rich,
As any City leading ſtaff,
If you'l be at expence enough.
To the three fwifteft in the courfe
I do deſign to give a horſe.
Though I confefs, they have moft need,
That floweſt are, of nimble ſteed:
But that's all one, I'me bound to praiſe ye,
And not give horfes to the lazie.
This horfe fhall have Caparifons
Rich as the Queen oth'Amazons.
There boy's, there goes the hare away,
And I think worth the catching, ha !
་
His
Book V.
59
VIRGIL Travesty.
His quiver eke,and eke his belt,
Cut from the brims of a broad felt
Embroidered all with work of Gold.
Inftead of shoulder knot, behold
A glittering Pearl, three times as big
As a large hen's or a duck egg.
He that cryes hey-for our town,
With olive branch him will I crown.
The third ſhall have a mortion made
At Argos, where it is their trade.
I will not fay how finely don,
He's free to take, or let't alone.
The fignal given by the found
?
Of twifled trumpet,ſee the ground
All in a cloud, and fuch a high one
wrapt Aneas like Ixion.
As
Some faid that fweat of heel and toe
Would duft allay, but twas not fo.
For why to ftop each others paces
They kickt it in each others faces.
Nifus
60
Book V.
MARONIDES,or,
¿
Nifus had got by much the ſtart,
And as he ran, he oft did fart;
Which much endammadg'd them behind,
Having two foes, the duft and wind.
For by this means he got before,
Some two and twenty yards or more.
Nifus behind, but far behind
Ran Salius,like a nimble Hind,
After him ran Eurjalusz.
And cloſe at his heels Hymus:
Him Diores that was the laſt,
Seeing'em all in fo much haft,
With malice now and rage ore'come,
Gave fuch a kick upon his bum;
That through the pain of his Pofteriors,
He now gives way to his inferiors,
Nifus was juſt upon the mark,
But fee how fate can prove a Turk!
For juſt ith'nick, he fprain'd his toe,
There lay poor Nifus crying, oh-
He
1
*
Book V.
61
VIRGIL Travesty.
I He bow'd fo rudely to his toes,
As made the blood fpin from his noſe.
So there he lay as I have told ÿe,
Swearing like a belfounder, boldly;
When furnace cracks,and metals runn ;
As if the Devil were on Dun.
He ſaw the prize was not for him;
Which vext him more than did his limn.
Yet though he loft his hope and glory;
Hehad not loft the quick memory
· Of his Euryalus, ſo dear;
For Slias now coming near,
He feiz'd fo fiercely on his (hoo,
That Salias comes headlong too.
Salias got up, as mad as Weefel,
Dings a good duft at Nifus muzzle;
Nifus holds faft, and which is worſe,
Sets his cursd fangs in Salias Atfe.
Nifus gripes hard, and rudely tears:
Salias curfes, damms, and fwears:
+
Nifus
62
Book V..
MARONIDES, or
Nifus is deaf, and nothing hears,
But keeps him there, fpite of his ears.
Euryalus, thanks to his face,
Thus got the Goal, and won the race.
The rabble (hout, and tear the Air,
Favouring Euryalus the fair.
They that beheld the real truth
Nifus and Salius, Arfs and Mouth;
Cry'd out hey now for our Town!
Hold Nifus,hold,the Towns our own.
The fecond man was Helymus ;
And Diores the third, fo clofe
He trod upon his heels that day,
Men fear'd a quarrel by the way.
But as it ſeems, they were more wary:
They'd other film to fry, then tarry.
Then Salius came with great complaints,
Swearing by all his Gods and Saints,
That they had rob'd him of his fat Ox
While plaguy Nifus feiz'd his buttocks.
Diores
Book V.
63
VIRGIL Travesty.
Diores intercedes for him,
As one he thought had loſt a limb;
That fince his luck was like his hurt,
He might have fatisfaction for't.
Aneas fcirce refraining laughter,
Yet as a curteous moderator,
Come,come, quo he, ceafe difference,
Ye shall have all due recompence:
Therefore, quo he, as friends embrace,
And kifs now in another place.
And ſo the injury was repayd,
With Morrion made like Lyons head;
The ears and eyes were all of gold
And eke the teeth, fine to behold.
So rich that Salias not deny'd,
But he was fully fatisfy'd.
Then Nifus for to get comfort
Prefents himself all mire and dirt,
From head to foot a Branford quag,
About him never a clean rag:
Now
64
Book V.
MARONIDES, or,
+4
7
i
Now you may well obferve, quo he,
How my miſfortunes vanquiſh'd me;
And made me look fo like a beaſt ;
For being nimbler than the reſt.
Aneas could not chufe but ſmile;
Grieve not quo he, at Fortune vile;
For here is thy reward; with that
He gave him a moft precious Hat,
Of damask silk, it was notorious.
For Feather and for work fo curious.
By Didimaon wrought ſo neat ;
Quoth Nifus then, by Mahomet
I'le weare thy hat both morn and noon‐day;
On every Holiday and Sunday.
He lyes in's throat, that fhall mifcall
Our Captain, that's fo liberal.
The Race thus finiſh'd without fquabling ›
All anger laid afide and brabling,
The Racers well content and merry ;
My maſters Time for none will tarry;
So
1
Book V.
65
VIRGIL Travesty.
3
?
1
So faid Æneas, the Minheer,
Befides, quo he, bring Ceftus here.
Now you muſt know what Ceftus was i
A plaguy Poultice for weak jaws :
A little touch with a weak hand,
And prefently a man was brain'd:
A certain curfed Caftanet
•
For men to dance the broken pate.
Two Iron Brickbats, each a Ring;
Which he that beſt can weild and fwing,
To pound his Adverſaries Pole,
Was vanquisher of body and foul.
To this fame sport, that fo men muls,
Ancas his Companions calls.
Quo he,the man that has the heart
For a prize that is not worth a fart,
To venture brains, or lofs of lymb,
Let him come purchaſe my eſteem.
The Victors prize (hall be a Cow
With forehead plated you know how:
1
F
With
66
MARONÏDES, or, Book V.
1
With plates of filver and of gold,
And linnen vaile about her ſhould-
Ers, white, and delicately ftarch'd,
Like woman going to be Church'd.
Beſides an inſtrument of death,
Eclep'd a fword, in Ivory (neath.
And eke a Morrion, none oth'worſt.
Some ſaid, he would have given that firſt
But then confidering again,
If he gave one he muſt give twain,
They faw it was the wifeft plot.
For purſe was his, the limbs were not.
When any one is bruis'd enough,
Quo he, and wiſhes to leave off;
Let him while he his hands can uſe,
Hold up his hand, or cry Kings fcruces
If hands be maul'd confoundedly,
Bid fome good friend that ſtandeth by.
Thus faid the Cestus was brought out
At fight whereof like one devout
They
Book V.
67
VIRGIL Travesty.
They lookt with fetled countenance,
The view on't put'em in a trance.
So that for all his cunning coaxing
None fecm'd to love this kind of boxing.
At length not fearing Lymb nor torture
Dares appears, a vaſt Wine-Porter,
Who only could hold Paris tack,
At this fame play mikes others cack.
Who for to honour the memory
Of valiant Hector had the glory.
With this abominable weapon
To knock down Butes like a Capon.
The beſt that ever was at cuffing,
Without a Ly or any huffing.
Amyclus vaft in ftrength and burden,
And always bred at the Beargarden,
Begot this Butes on a whore,
That was half woman, half a mare.
When Dares did himſelf prefent,
It bred a great aftoniſhment,
F 2
1
His
१
68
Book V.
MARONIDES, or,
His fhoulders to behold,all bones,
As big and ſtronger than Milſtones 3
His Arms were rather bull-confounders ;
In Paper Mills you fee fuch pounders.
Now the Goliay's ſtrength was all,
As for his brains they were but fmall;
You would have laught to have ſeen the noddy
To fhew his mighty strength of body,
How he did vainly cuff the Air.
Boreas himſelf did not come ncar;
And fwung about his brawnie wrifts,
To fnew what he could do with's fifts,
And when lihad done, to fee the Loc by
How h'a faign'd to girn, like a great booby.
S1, Sa, quo he, what is there none
Will let me break nor thin,nor bone.
What nere a Knight that has a mind,
To loofe his eyes,and to be blind?
This furious challenge was fo difmall,
That not a man would venture his mall.
1
Trojans
Book V.
1
VIRGIL Travesty.
69
Trojans, Sicilians, all were dumb
و
As if th'had felt the weight of's thumb.
Their Hector's now not worth a fart,
As if th'had neither fouls nor heart.
Quo Dares,then the Cow is mine,
To day how bravely will dine,
For who to Cow hath right more full
Than I that am fo like a bull?
With that he took the precious Bat
Byboth the horns upon her Creft.
Bawling fo loud, tell he was hoarfe,
Who of ye all now by main force
In hopes to cat a gallant fupper
With fift can Cow fet on her Crupper?
Chickens by Jove, you handle Ceftus ?
You kifs mine Arfe. Hei-Captain Faltus
(For fo he call'd Æneas jeering,)
Muſt I ſtay irere all day Pickcering ?
As if I'had nothing else to choofe,
But here ſtand making Childrens foos.
F 3
Till
As the Dea
vil faid to
the Collier,
70
Book V.
MARONIDES, or,
?
Till fome fond Caponet ſhall come
To be made Gelly by my thumb ?
Find me a match that will conteſt,
Or let me carry away the Beaft.
"
At which one mad, what ayles that fellow?
What ayles, quo he, that Bull to bellow?
Why fo much raving, ſo much tearing ?
Wee'l match his cock, for all his fwearing.
Acestes through the Rabble flung,
As if a wafp his tayl had ftung;
Cud boars, quo he, fhall fuch a thief
With pain fo little get our beef?
Fuming he goes to feek Entellus,
Whom, of fuch language nothing jealous,
He found ftretch'd out upon a banck,
Smoaking Jamajca, curfed ranck;
For interest Ye Logger-head, quo he, is this
will not ly.
A time to fleep and fmoak, I wifs ?
When all our honours ly at ſtake ?
Pox o'your drowfie hide-come-wake,—
And
>
Book. V.
VIRGIL Travesty.
55
And fhew how thou in times of yare,
Haft cudgel'd many a lufty boar.
Haft thou forgot the prancks and the tricks
Which thou were wont to play with Eryx ?
Eryx thy Maſter at this game?
To whom thou fecond art in fame.
Cuts-foot fhall during Dares quell us ¿
ļ
While we have living brave Entellus.
How many ſpoiles of Butchers bones
Of Weavers Arms, and Dyers ftones
Hang in thy Chimney up like bacon ?
Of thy renown the certain token?
For ſhame then let not this wind-fucker,
At our difgrace thus fneer and fnicker.
Quoth he, thy words are pofitive.
Tis not for fear as now I live,
That Dares thus I let alone;
But I am old aud feeble grown.
Were I as young as I ha bin,
This Raskal that makes fuch a din
F 4
I'de
72
Book V.
MARONIDES, or,
**
More
I'de pounce him fo, that you should fee,
I'de make him foon cry me mer-cie,
To Cow or Calf without regard,
The flender motive of reward;
Only for glories fake, ere this,
Thad made him ftink for fear, or pifs.
That this is truth ye know full well
Yet that you may not take it ill,
To fhew I speak not words, but deeds;
I'le try one bout at Loggerheads.
If I am beaten, fay tis Age,
And no defect of my courage.
}
Streight he flung down of difinal batteric
Two fatal Engines, not to flatter
Nor
yet
ye,
to chafe your wanton Nerves
But for to ftamp ye like conferves.
Little they ſaid, meant plaguely;
Their very afpeet made men flee.
afraid than Dares himſelf, to tell you true,
burt.
Likt'em fo ill, he look't askew.
For
Book V.
73
VIRGIL Travesty.
For they had on them fearful ſtains,
Of Erjx blood, and part of's brains.
Erix who meeting at an Alehouſe,
With Hercules of's honour jealous,
Streight fell to blows, from blows to knocks,
The leaſt of which would kill an Ox.
What Eryx got by't, truely I
put,
Think he might well put in his eye.
His eye alas had there been lefs
They then had living had the Tofs-pot.
Dares beholding fuch damn'd trophies,
Think ye that Dares fuch an Oaf is,
Quo he, to venture life in field,
With weapons that he cannot weild.
Aneas thinking twas a fcandal,
The mortal Engines needs would handle,
But when he felt their weight, quo he,
The Devil handle'em for me,
Seav'n folded Ox-hides ſtuft with lead,
Some half a Tup in each, they faid,
With
74
Book V.
MARONIDEs, or,
3
A
✔
f
}
viz his
Goddeſſes.
With iron hoops and dev'lish nails,
Such as you fee about Cart-wheeles.
Croffing himſelf, then ſaid Æneas,
Per omnes meretrices meas
و
What hideous Tartar with a vengeance
Invented firſt theſe fatal Engins ?
Puh! quoth Entellus; theſe are feathers
Thoſe with which Hercules ſtrapt the Gathers.
Of
my friend Erx, (peace be with him,)
And fent unto the Elysian frith him,
Were twice as big,and yet the Lubbers
Would weild thofe mighty Noddle-rubbers.
As nimbly at each others coxcombs,
As they had been but little box-combs.
For my part cryes Entellus furder,
I likes this well,l'me cleare for mur der.
But yet to ſhew I'me gamefter fair
If he'l have other, there they are too,
I'le fight with any,ere ſpoyl play.
Chall cap me, as they fay,
And ye Chall
too,
If
Book V.
75
VIRGIL Travesty.
If at a blow or two at leaſt,
You guefs,not who fhall have the Beaſt.
Then cry'd Aneas drunck with joy,
Troth godamercy brave old Boy.
Bring me a pair of Maul cheeks hither;
But not fo heavy as the other:
Others were brought, and after tryal,
Approv'd without the leaſt denyal,
Both for their bignefs and their huffing,
By Doctors in the Art of cyffing.
One takes Entellus; t'other Dares,
Saying a hundred Ave-Maries:
For it had almoſt turn'd his ſtomak;
Entellus fhape did ſuch a fhew make.
Such fhoulders, Buttocks, bones fo hideous,
A Chine fo nervous, breft prodigious.
For to ſay truth he nothing hid;
Both ſhirt and coat were layd afide.
If ſhirt he had, for elle you know,
What he had not, he could not fhew;
Belonging
to Beargar-
den Cole
ledge.
And
76
Book V.
MARONIDES,OF,
Zabarel L.
200
#. 20000.
A
And in matter of ſuch weight
Men muſt be cautious to fpeak right :
For if he had no fhirt, and I,
Do fay he had,I tell a ly.
But now behold'em in their traces,
Making wry mouths and Monkey-faces,
They dance Step Stately to take aim.
Who firſt ſhould give the firſt damn'd main.
At firſt they flightly feem'd to skirmiſh,
But ſtraightway fury growing warmish,
One gives the other plaguy palt,
Which was return'd the next affault :
Young Dares was more nimbly ftcut,
Entellus was the ſtronger Lout.
With weapons pois'd, and fits erect,
With burning eyes and fierce afpect,
They now lay on fans fcare or wit,
As if they car'd not where they hit.
Their Lungs are tir'd and breath in vain,
Their naked Members pant amain.
Such
5
છે.
Book V.
1
VIRGIL Travesty.
77
.
Such force have bumping blows apply'd,
To Diaphragma, or the fide,
Secundum artem, as they knew,
To make men vomit black and blew.
Sometimes a loving blow did miſs,
Then t'other was not griev'd I,wifs.
Streight you might hear his guts cry twang,
And t'others skul ring with the bang.
While all his reafon takes her flight,
T'had been no reaſon elfe, by this light.
Sometimes with ftroaks ftrook unawares,
They only rub each others ears.
Dares with many a nimble leap,
At old Entellus head doth "skip-
Unweildy he ſtands ftiff and tough,
Without recoyling from the cuff.
While Dares with a dreadful eye,
Stood watching his huge Enemy.
Woe worth that rib which he (hall find,
But once ungarded to his mind )
You might
have be-
lieved him
without
fwearing.
As
78
Book V.
MARONIDES, or
*
Harm
watch
As men that Walls and Caſtles batter
Seeke weakeſt place to make'em totter,
And having found what they intended,
With all their fury thither bended.
Mauling and battering their infiftunt,
Though th'had as good perhaps a piſt on't.
Thus Dares watching ſtill for harm,
Caught from the bold Entellus Atm,
harm catch Such a damn'd lick athwart the back,
As made his very bum-ftrings crack.
Dares, but how the Devil't twas done,
Is paſt my apprehenfion,
Returns him fuch a thumping quitt,
As for his quo, 'twas out of debt.
Theſe blowes each equalled in ftrefs,
Some twenty pounds or little leſs.
And Virgil faies in his relation,
That the through force and indignation
With which Entellus ftrook and mift,
His aged Trunck the Graſs-plot kift.
That
Book V.
VIRGIL Travesty.
97
That he fell down all hands agree,
fee.
Let them that doubt the truth go
And more than that too a fhrew'd figne,
They fay he fell like mighty Pine.
There lay the huge Entellus fprawling:
For joy the Trojans fell a bawling;
While he enraged at the flounce,
Doth all his Gods at once renounce.
Acestes and Aneas brave
>
Both willing the old man to fave,
Where er'e they had it,got a Crane
And ſo they cran'd him up again ;
Being got upon his heeles once more,
Six luftie Common oaths he ſwore,
Though for his manners fuch a fot,
That all his thanks he quite forgot.
Having recover'd now his place,
With rage in heart, and fhame in face
Finding what ere he yet had done,
But fleabites in compariſon.
Quo
Proud fpi-
rits hadra.
ther be
damn'd
than fuffer
diſgrace.
80
Book V.
MARONIDES, of,
1
Quo he, now let in look to his hittings,
By Jove l'le handle him without mittins.
Poor Dares was in great dejection,
Your Strong Seeing Entellus Reſurrection.
men are
not always He that before thought worſt was paſt,
the wifeft.
Seeing his foe fo rudely caſt,
And therefore fang his nunc dimittis,
Now at the end of all his wit is...:
There was no way but guard to keep,
Better h'd been in's bed afleep.
T'other lay's on cuff after cuff,
Not minding whither's skin be buff.
His bended clutches damn'd Memento
Make flying Dares daunce Coranto's
Entellus bounty fell like hail,
Not fparing either head or tayl.
Dares afraid his reaſons houſe
(Though he had ſcarce ſo much as gooſe j
About his batter'd ears (hould tumble,
Was half ith'mind in manner humble.
To
B.
1
Book V.
8
VIRGIL, Travesty.
To crave in time a Letter of Licence.
He lik't not banging fans defeizance.
While t'other labors all he can
To make a window to his brain.
Dares was in condition fad,
His face was fwell'd big as his head,
His head was fwell'd as big as his hat,
And he himself just falling flat
Upon his bloody bruifed nofe;
When all in haft Æneas throws
Himſelf between the blowes fo thick:
Good faith 'twas well he came ith'nick.
For had he had but one more thwack
Upon his head or his Sto-mack
Dares had given the Crows a pudding;
And Death had come before his Wedding.
For now Entellus Clawes were up,
And falling juſt was fatal fwop.
But just in time Aneas fpruce,
And brave Aceftes cry'd, Kings fcruce.
G
With
82
Book V.
MARONIDES, or,
Good words
apeafe
wrath.
With coaxing words Aneas mellows
The bloudy heart ofvex'd Entellus.
Good Sir quo, he your wrath forbear,
Man ftout at Cuffs, as ere ftole Deere,
Next time fha'l Dares learn more manners
Then let his wits be his Trappanners,
Thus to provoke a man whofe, wrifts
Can powder Rocks of Amethifts;
With nailes like fleas crack Adamants ;
And puff down Armed Elephants.
Thefe gentle words made Gaffer 7 hwack fides
Moft patiently lay by his Ox-hides.
Such credit had Aneas there,
Quo he,your will be done Menheire.
Then Sir Anear, turning face
To him that was in doubtful caſe ;
So bruis'd and batter'd, and ſo fwel'd,
He ſcarfe could ſtand unleſs upheld)
Made him to the beſt of my memory,
This pithy fpeech confolatory,
1
Hold
!
1
Book V.
83.
VIRGIL Travesty.
▪
Holding him gently in his arms,
Quo he thou needs not others harms,
For well thy own, without a book,
Now teach thee with both eyes to look
Before thou leapft, and not to venture,
Before thou knew't thy bold Attempter.
Had not thy Foe been very handſome,
He had deftroy'd thee without Ranfome.
For now confefs and fpeak as true man,
Do you beleive his hand was human?
As fure as thou wert bang'd to day,
He keeps the Devil himſelf in pay.
Therefore, if legs will beare thee, go,
Wcake boxer of the driving ſnow,
Go get a Surgeon, Noble Feftus,
And dream no more of pounding Ceftus.
The poor young knave all foare with banging
His neck upon his fhoulders hanging,
Eyes funck in a black quag of butter,
Or fleſh well churm'd,few words could utter.
G 3
But
All this
Should have
been faid
before.
<
84
Book V.
MARONIDEs, or,
i
7
F
But foftly cry'd to fnow's respects,
Farewell Str,till I fee you next.
He could no more in Profe nor Rhyme,
Nor had he courage at that time
To bring his fingers to his chin
To fed what teeth remain’d within.
His beard was all bedaub'd to ſee a
With a damn'd foul Laimoragia.
The place whereNoſe ſtood, you might know it
But nere take hold on't for to blow it.
The Trojans they came all to much him,
He wish'd'om damn'd that did but touch him.
For fo his batter'd Corps did ſmart,
That every
touch went to his heart.
Then Dares two Companions chofe,
To comfort up his broken Nofe.
But both the Crown and eke the beaſt
Entellus got by dint of fiſt.
Who now like toad on wafhing-block,
With conqueſt (well'd, thus gan to mock.
Weak
1
!
обно
8
Book V.
VIRGIL Travefty.
"
Weak 7rjan fops both young and old
That enviously this day behold
The Victory that I have won ;
Come fee what more I could have done,
See againſt what a firking foe',
Your Dares ſtript from top to toe!
Had ye not drag'd his Homo-Plater
From our inevitable flaughter.
You thould have feen how I had rub'd him,
And mong the Devils belly bub'd him.
This faid his furious fift he clutch'd,
And twixt the horns fo rudely touch'd.
The Bulls head that from head of Bull
Came brains and blood a Kettle full.
So died the Cow without a liew,
Or making will-in minutes few.
Then with a heart full of repentance,
And mind prepar'd for pious fentence,
He cry'd beholding the blew skie,
With doleful face and blubbring eye.
Though the
Rhime
made it a
Bull 'mas
otherwise a
Com
1
2
=
3
G 3
Erix
86
Book V.
MARONIDES, or,
!
Erjx, to thee, my Counter-part,
1
give this Bull with all my heart,
For Dares fake, who has my prayers
The beſt of living Cudgel-players.
Here will I Chappel build, or Peft-houſe
Where horns (hall hang and eke my Cestus.
If Dares dy here ſhall he be
Entombed likewife, cloſe by me.
No queftion we ſhall then agree.
They that Entellus faw turn'd Prieſt,
Yet knew he was a damn'd Atheiſt,
Rais'd fuch a fhout at his converfion,
As ſhook the Earth like Ague tertian.
So long this hubbub did continue,
'Twas fear'd that fome would break a finew.
Which made Aneas in compaffion,
And for another dirty fathion,
Which was to have no shouting known,
Atany fpeeches but his own.
*
Enough quo he, enough I fay;
}
How
{
+
1
:
Book. V.
87
VIRGIL Travesty.
How long must I hear Affes bray?
I'de rather a had a pack of knaves,
Than fuch a crew of fimple flaves.
Enough this curs'd Cow killing fport,
There's none but one the better fort;
Come bring me out your Bows and Arrows
And if ye needs will kill, kill fparrows.
Thus having got fome good Companions,
All in a row like ropes of Onions,
Quo he bring hither Galley Maft,
And let it me upright and faſt
Firſt having ty'd at top of it,
A Pigeon, or a Clout befhit,
}
It matters not fo mark be hit.
;
The lots were thrown into a hat,
Or Helmet, 'tis the fame thing that:
At which they fum'd like a hot toft,
To fee that Fortune rul'd the roſt:
For each one fear'd to be put out
From being one ſhould hit the clout.
G 4.
}
Aneas
88
เ
MARONIDES, or,
Book V.
For he was Aneas ſaid he'd have but four ;
Dominas
fac totum And who durft ſay then, he'd ha more,
But four then drawing, ftone-blind Chance
Ilippoceons Honour did advance.
A fatal murderer of wild-Ducks,
A foe profeſt to Dawes and Rooks;
The fecond fool whom fortune favours
Was Miſter Mnefteus, a Sea- Mavors,
Whofe (head with Olive had been crown'd,
For fwimming well, and not being drown'd.
Of whom I ſhall fay little more,
Since I have faid ſo much before.
Maſter Eurytian was the third
He'd hit a Curran in a turd.
Which made him cry'd up for an Archer •
His brother yet was much the archer;
His brother Pandarus, wot ye well,
Who taking bow of pliant ſteel,
Without ſo much as one bear leave,
The Cuckold Menelaus gave
Such
Book V.
89
VIRGIL Travesty.
Such a dam'd prick through buttocks cach
That Helen nere fo claw'd his breech.
Aceftes was the laft forfooth,
Who although old, with ſo much Youth
Would needs conteft for skill and ftrength;
What he got by't you'l know at length.
Hippocoon his goggle eyes
Cafting a thousand times to the skies,
First hit the top oth'maft, I trow:
A lower ſhot, had been below:
The bird with that affrighted, try'd
T'have flown away, but ſhe was ty’d.
And fo the only flapt the Ayr;
He did no more as I can hear 5
While bird thus flutter'd on the wing,
Menestheus (hoots and cuts the ſtring:
Whether the bird, do you now think,
That but ere while for fear did ftinck,
Now finding Leve to be light,
Did not make haft to mend her flight.
>
But
·
90
Book V.
MARONIDES, or,
11
How order.
But ſhame on all Ill luck fay I,
That faſter then a bird will fly,
by this bird For as the Bird was on the wing,
was killd?
first fright- Eurytion Inapt his fatal ſtring :
ed, then the
Atring cut, Though ere he drew, he made a prayer,
The rump To Brother Pandarus in his ear,
fic'd.
The which his brother foon did heare.
And fo as bird was tripping off,
(Not dreaming but ſhe had been ſafe)
The Arrow peirc'd her pretty rump,
And made her turn up belly trump.
'Twas then no time to take advice
How to avoid the fatal flice;
Streight with a vengeance down the come
Like one that feard not bruifing bum.
He that the day came after fair
Was now alceftes, by compare.
Ther's nothing left for that old fop,
Lefs he would fet his own head up.
Bat what faid the Facetious Drole,
E
Quo
Book V.
91
VIRGIL Travesty.
Quo he l'le not be made a fool,
Suppoſe that yonder fate an Owle,
Where bird was ty'd; why may not I
My brother hit by Jove l'ie try.
He drew, but wonderful to fee
His dart became a prodigie.
A prodigie that friz'd the hair
Of every morral that was there.
"Twas here a dart, but mounting higher
Ith air becomes a flame of fire.
Like whizzing Rocket up it goes
Had Owl been there, 'thad fing'd his nof
Orelfe as Pub. fays better far,
Like volant or crinited ſtarr.
In Eng'ich certain flying jigs,
Or ftars with flaming Perriwigs.
The flame continued while it could,
That is to fay while there was wood,
But fewel wanting due recruite,
The fire went out without diſpute.
Upot.
One of Fel-
tous refolu's
1
92
Book V.
MARONIDE s,or,
J
Upon the whimſical adventure
Was many a thouſand peradventure
A hundred ftrange Enthufiafms;
Lights new as that, and fond phantafmns
The moſt renowned Augurs ply'd
Their painful ftudies, and difcry'd
A thouſand ſtories and keck fhoes,
To lead the doubtful by the noſes.
The Phrygian Conjurers could not reft
Sicilian Bards were all poffeft.
Nay all the Rabble had a maggot,
Bigger in head the ſtick of faggot.
Aneas in a pious frolick
Pulls from his neck a certain relick,
It was a chain of gold,at which,
There hung a medal very rich.
'Twas all of broyld St. Lawrence left,
And gravd upon an Agat haft s
;
To that annext in Chriſtal hung
The very Cole that burnt Saint's tongue.
Thus
t
Book V.
93
VIRGIL Travesty.
:
Thus gifted came he to Aceftes;
Great Sir, to you my deep proteſt is,
That for an Archer there was none
Was ever fit to wipe your hoon.
Who would the Devil himſelf not blame,
Not having ſeen, to credit fame ?
For who can think that did not ſee,
That thou couldft little bit of tree
In th'Ayr at diſtance come to fire,
By Jove it maketh me admire.
Fore George, as I am come of woman,
Fove owes thee kindneſs more than common.
As for my part, the heavens protect thee,
Like my dead father I reſpect thee,
And than my Mother ten times better,
If now I ly, then hell me fetter.
What though the priſes all be gon,
Thou shalt have prefents of our own,
To fatisfy for thy ill luck,
That mark fo furely from thee took;
For to fay
truth many
that ne re
Jaw it doubt
it to this
howre.
་
With
94
Book V.
MARONIDES, or
With that he made him three low leggs
And gave him the foremention'd jigs.
And more then all that, fomething more,
(Which I it ſeems forgot before.)
A goblet of a maffie weight,
A work embofs'd moft accurate,
This cup fo trimm'd with fine devices
Was for a fairing, ſent Anchifes
By Ciffus a good friend of his,
Who living, Club did never miſs;
But being dead, yet every night,
In dear remembrance of old Knight
Anchifes made the Goblet weep,
Till both forgot, he fell aſleep
To make the Ceremony ftanch,
He Crown'd him with an Olive branch;
A moſt exceeding favour that,
Becauſe he feldom wore his hat.
Eurytion nothing envious
To fee him firft rewarded thus,
TÆneas
Book V.
95
VIRGIL Travesty.
Aneas wildom did approve;
Aneas thank't him for his love,
And gave him eke a good reward;
For civil men by civil regard
To generous fpirits,ſeldom looſe.
Meneftheus had his old fhooes.
Hippocoon two nutmegs guilt:
For where the text imploys a guilt,
By mentioning no gifts at all;
We judge the gifts were very ſmall.
From Archerie to Horfmanip
They next proceed with fpur and whip.
Epirides the first appear'd
VVith chin conceal'd in monstrous beard;
He was Afcanius Padagouge.
A moſt auſtere ars-firking dog
But yet efteem'd as learn'd a Sir John,
As ere was bred up at the Sorbon.
He could compofe a Catch or Cannon,
And verſes make with George Buchannan.
Native
96
Book V
MARONIDES, or,
-
:
Native of Rion in Auvernia,
But plagu'd with a diſeaſe call'd Hernia:
Soon as he came before his betters
He fhewd himſelfa man of Letters,
Making a hundred ugly ſcrapes,
Like Scholar that the Courtier apes.
Aneas foon as one could wake him,
Spies formal fool,and thus befpake him ;
Epirides where's my Cock-Robin?
Will he a while leave placket-bobbing,
And for a Steed leave riding wenches?
Then give him Horfe fit for his inches.
Where's all the other younger fry,
Have they their Courfers fit to fly,
To let the world know by their fooling;
Their parents gave'em no mean ſchooling?
Go quickly then and fetch'em all:
Epirides with legs fo fmal
And Thighs as dry as Kixes, though
As ſwift as arrow out of bow,
Made
Book V.
97
VIRGIL Travesty.
ร์
Made ſo much haſt, that foine proteft,
He leapt full thirty foot at leaſt,
At every leap; for fuch men fly
Alway when th'are in Mafters eye.
Returning like the flowing furges,
;
With a whole troop of young St. Georges.
They were as plump, and loo'd as fairly
As hogs, that ly all day ith' Barly.
Their Horfes like a. feveral bride,
Both necks and tayles with Ribands ty'd.
Inn's a Court gentlemen all they were,
And every one a fling did weare.
Not to fling love-fongs crofs the way,
But flugs and ſtones in deadly fray.
Arrows and Bows did others weare,
Which Parents gave at Bartholmew Fair.
For then were no fuch things to fmoak ye,
As fierce Dragooners under Okey.
But others like your French gens d'armes,
Had Spears and Lances for their Armes.
H
Their
#
98
Book V.
MARONIDES, or,
<
>
Their right paws were in Gantlets cas'd,'
And roaring feathers hats embrac❜d.
About their necks they Cuirafs had,
Of double guilded Lattin made.
Some for right mettle did them holds
But all that glifters is not gold.
Three Captains lead three neat fquadrons,
With Scarfs of Lindsey Woolfey Aprons,
For in three fquadrons were the Chuffs,
For the uſe Diftinguiſhed one by Spanish Ruffs.
of Colours
was not
then in fa.
Shion
The next were hats with Steep'e-Crowns,
The third the Switzers Bonnet ownes.
One of thefe Chiefs that was no daſtard,
Of poor Politus was the Baftard.
The younger fon of Priamus,
Who knockt down Neoptolemus;
In Pages Trouzes up he mounts,
A Carriers horſe, by all accounts,
But fuch a one,that drefs him well
Would clear outrun the Divel of Hell,
And
Book. V.
99
VIRGIL Travesty.
<
2
*
་
[
And fooner would he leap a River
,
Than fome a Cart-rut (hould get over.
The next to him was Afys hight,
Julus love, and fole delight.
Though to be plain,if all tales are true,
More for his tayl, than for his vertue.
What Horſe he had, Gelding or Mare,
Virgil is pleas'd to fpeak to fpare,
But queſtionleſs the trade he drove,
Got him well mounted for his Love.
Some men admire why fuch a one,
Is favour'd by a mighty Don;
But fearch the graſs well with your eyes,
And youthall fee where the Snake lies.
Afcane as young, laftin degree,
Was yet the firſt in quality.
His gaudy coat and feather'd hatˇ ?
Made all the people cry, who's that?
But far beyond his glittring garb,
His Courfer was a Cheſtnut Barb.
H 2
Not
100
Book V.
MARONIDES, or,
.
Not fuch a fhap'd er nimble ftced,
Did all the fields of Siden breed.
'Twas Didos guift, though when ſhe made it,
Had the known all, he ner'e had had it.
This Horſe was only fit to ſhow
On Whitfun-holidays or fo;
He was a perfect Ram for Capring;
And many a Knight for all his vap'ring,
Unless he held faft by his Creft,
Would put him in danger of his Cheft.
But let him all his jades tricks try,
Run Valley low or Mountain high.
Or play the Divel on all four,
Fulus fate him like a Tower,
So well he govern'd hand and foot,
As he had been George Caftriots
Or one of Don of Austria's Riders;
Which he's a Coxcomb that confiders.
For all the other meaner f quiies
Aceftes common Hackneys hires.
·
Geldings
Book V.
ΙΟΙ
VIRGIL Travesty.
Geldings for fome, for others Mares,
With Fillies pricking up their ears.
The Trojans clapt their hands by dozens,
Seeing the Children of their Coufens.
Here fome of whom they knew the Mothers,
There fome their own, though got by others,
And every one as fine as fippence,
And and all prepar'd to run for thrippence.
See youth, cries one,on yonder Mire,
Mothers n'own boy, both lip and haire
'Twas pretty thus to heir'um read,
How living face was like the dead.
Such pretty cheeks with pretty dimples,
You ſhall not fee in both the Temples.
Though then they look'd a little whitish,
For fear leaft Courfer fhould prove skittiſh,
At length when every pretty Elf
Had in his Saddle fix'd him£lf.
Epirides with nimble flick,
Makes whipcord briskly cry fmack-fm.ck.
H 3
At
102
MARONIDES, or, Book V.
At which they all alarum take
;
Far better, than their Steeds, divining
By found of whip-cord, Pedants meaning.
Streight the three fquadrons they divide
In bodies two,or Maro ly'd.
Some fly away, while ſome purfue,
And at their backs with ſwitches flew.
But feeling ſmart, make head again,
Ribrofting t'others for their pain.
Weary of being thus lambaſted,
Eft-foons to milder ſport they hafted.
Here three to three, there two to two,
There more,(hey tofs what's here to do!)
They prance and frisk it to and fro;
Foe runs in full career at foe;
When to accord the ſturdy knee,
And skilful trip,with Hait or Gee,
(Which horfes learn without much trouble)
In full career they make a double
;
So Huntfmen fay; but Horfemen, turn;
Turn
Book V.
103
VIRGIL Travesty.
Turn let it be then, for I fcorn
Much contradiction; that's to ſay,
They did as girls that dance the Hay.
Theſe pretty Turn-again-Whittingtons,
Made by theſe Gentlemens eldeft fons
Their crofs careirs, Turns whole and half,
Which Father made and Mother laugh,
Were like the Labyrinth ſo pretty,
Once fram'd by Dadalus the witty,
To Minos Sarjeant-Carpenter.
Within whofe walls as men did err,
Or go aftray, or vainly wander,
Not knowing tricks of gay Meander;
So these young fprouts of Troy renown'd,
Sometimes their Horfes turning round,
Now running in a freight careir.
And fometimes doubling here and there,
Like nimble Dolphins ſeem'd to play,
Like Dolphins in the Lybic Sea.
When Boreas bold, thank Boreas for't,
H.
Is
f
Book V.
104
MARONIDES, or,
در
Being a
Is pleas'd not to disturb their fport.
Then out comes Fleabit and Tregonnel
And hey for Strawberrie, that laſt won all.
Some run for Crowns, and fome for Guinies,
The cunning Jockies cheat the punies.
But laft of all, that which was moſt,
They rais'd a most confounded duſt.
And thus you fee thefe youths fo crick
Shew'd Parents many a pretty pranck
Which afterwards Fulus, He
notable po- That founded Albas fair Citee.
litician.
Becoming King moſt powerful,
نے
ન
Did recommend by ipecial Bull,
Unto his Race of Romans boli,
For to obferve and cke to hold,
As facred to their fathers names,
By Title of the Trojan Games.
And thus you fee what flight occafions
Men take fometimes to Cajole Nations
While wife Aneas thus imployes,"
;
}
His
Book V.
105
VIRGIL Travesti.
His time in gaping upon boyes,
Fortune, who being of Greek exrraction,
(And therefore of the Grecian faction)
Hated a Trojan at her heart;
Refolves to fhew him to his ſmart,
What won't
great people
do for their
own ends.
Another of her plaguy dog-tricks,
Juno, old Priam's dear Exec'trix,
More full of miſchief than a Page,
Plump as a Tike with female rage,
To trufty Golfip, Iris hies,
A practis'd bitch in telling lies,
Juno her mind did foon impart,
Which Iris had as foon by heart,
Quothe, for words there needs no pumping,
I know your meaning by your mumping:
So brib'd with promiſes and dollars
She flung an old ſcarf ore her Colours
Away ſhe cuts her airy paffage,
To profécute her damn'd Ambaffage.
And as he went, her legs the fhews,
;
Full
106
Book V.
MARONIDE S, or,
Full neatly clad in crimſon hoſe
Well garter'd too, above the knee,
As they affirm, that both did fee.
Slow was her pace, for being plump
She fear'd to fret her tender rump.
From Arcady, without a wherry,
She quickly croft the Ocean ferry.
And caule the Road was ftraight and free,
She was not long from Sicily,
Where the beheld, in Armor glittering
The lazy Trojans fcaperloytring
'The Fleet was left like Theifin Mill
Or to be gon, or ftay, at will.
Nor Dog to bark, nor boy to baul,
What ever danger ſhould befall;
Both boys and dogs were all ago
To fee my Lord Aneas (how.
The women by themſelves afar,
Were private from theſe acts of warr
As 'twere in publick hugger mugger,
Clawing
Book V.
107
VIRGIL Traveſty.
Clawing away the fack and Sugar,
Till crying ripe, the wine intices
Some to bewail defun& Anchifes.
While others at misfotnune wept ;
Well well-quo one, time was I kept
As good a houfe for Eaft-cheap beef,
As ſhe that was Church-Wardens wife;
And for good Pewter and for Braſs
And dining Room rub'd with a gloſs,
I had as good as moſt ith' Pariſh
Though fome perhaps might make more flouriſh
How long (hall Ladies nice of ftomack
Be forc❜d to ly in fwabbers Hamock?
How long shall women bred ſo ſqueamish?
Ly noſe in ars midft Hogo's flemmiſh?
Others that were more finely Maudlin
Call'd poor Aneas Gooſe and Codlin,
Come,come, I love to ſpeak,cries one,
Theres Captain turd,let him alone,
Let him but drink while he can fee,
He
→
108
Book V.
MARONIDE S₂or,
He cares not what betides poor we,
He crams his guts as at a wedding
While we are glad of hafty pudding.
Where is the City that he promis'd ?
I doubt I fhall be ana-tomiz'd.
Ere that day come: he might ha'had
Cities enough, would he have ſtaid;
But he would needs have to'ther tofs.
Your rowling ſtones ne 're gather mofs.
While cups and tongues thus faft do move,
As both for nimblenefs had ftrove,
Iris that faw their drunken pofture.
Quits ſhape divine betokning moisture;
With ſtaff in hand, on eyes fpectacles,
Like wife of Doricles, her felf the tackles,
And old Witch that had liv'd fo long,
She had forgot that he was young,
For the reverfion of whoſe joynture,
The fifteenth race had cry'd,God Saint her.
Though he were old,yet ſhe was fubtle,
1.
And
}
}
Book V.
VIRGIL Travesty.
And to the purpoſe well could prattle.
My Grannam Berce ſhe was hight,
Though dark with age,
the Ages light.
Miſchievous Iris in this form
Appears in midſt of all the Chirm,
To whom as foon as he could make,
169
'Em hold their clacks thefe words fhe fpake,
Poor women, Poor unhappy women!
Companions only now for Seamen,
How long with grief muſt ye contend,
Oh where ſhall be your forrows end?
Had ye not better that the Dolopps
Had long fince cut ye into Collops?
Then from vexation of your fouls
Y'had lain fecure among the Moles.
Rather than thus to live at Sea
Half dead with hunger every day:
Your hands that fanns did only dandle,
Now forc'd the rugged Oar to handle,
Diftrefs'd inhabitants of Pinnaces.
To
#
which be.
was half a
day a doing,
110
Book V.
MARONIDES, or
To whom the Sea deftruction menaces.
That live in boats, where ticks and fleas,
Without refpect of perſons ſeize:
Rather then lead a life fo fell,
Women had better live in Hell.
'Tis now feaven years, or little lefs
,
That you in cold and heats diſtreſs
Poor wrinkled weather beaten Madams
Lead by the noſes like Jack Adams,
In vain do hunt the flying chore,
Which Fate has promis'd ten times ore;
A tale that I shall nere believe,
Nor pin my faith upon her ſleeve.
Let her
go
on and vainly coax
Our credulous leader, John, Anoaks.
A quartan Ague ftop his Lungs.
For him we have endur'd theſe wrongs;
But heres anow, lets have a care:
Why can't we tarry where we are?
What ailes this Country?tis both good
And
Book V..
107
VIRGIL Travesty.
4
And Govern'd by our flesh and blood.
Let's build a Town among our kindred,
Our freinu Aceftes nere will hinder't,
There we may play our wanton tricks,
Not fubje&t to the Oceans freaks.
Our Country Gods I pity too,
Han't they a fine time? what think you?
Snatch't from the rage of Grecian Robbers.
To be made Cabin-boys and Swobbers
Fools!can we hope for fo much joy,
Ere to revifit your old Troy ?
Or Symois,fam'd for Morehens plenty?
Or Xanthus nere of Gudgeons emptie?
Then let's go burn thoſe pocky Veſſels;
That are not fit to harbour Weasels.
This night my candle burning blew,
Caffandras Ghoff my Curtains drew,
Quothe, why wander ye like Tartars ?
In Sicily take up your quarters.
What will ye always live like Barnacles è
That
112
Book V.
MARONIDES,or,
That may have Towns like Athens,or Naples,
Always be fwimming on the Seas,
Like VVidgeons or like Soland Geefe ?
Burn then thofe fly-boats, why d'ye tarry?
If husbands chafe, ye have your Lurry.
Behold four Altars newly rais'd
Where facrifices lately blaz'd.
To Neptune for fome curtefies,
VVhere fire enough in Embers lies:
Find you but hearts, the Gods find flames,
Courage then, thrice Immortal Dames.
Take leave of damn'd feafaring trade,
And of the ſhips make a Grilliade
Be you but bold, I don't ſay cruel,
The Gods find fire, and yonder's fuel.
This having faid the plaguy ftrumpet,
Takes up a brand, and ſtead of trumpet,
Blowes the hot coal, to wake the flame,
Go then, the cry'd ith' Devils name.
VVith that ſo ſwift ſhe flung the brand,
As
Book V.
113
VIRGIL Travesty.
As fent it foon to journeys end.
And where as foon, it was apparent
He dally'd not to tell his arrant.
Dames, that before nere ſaw ſuch jigs,
Began to ftare like roaſted Pigs ;
They ſtar'd ſo long you would have thought
Their very eyes would have dropt out.
They knew not what to think or ſay,
For all the ſtuff they had, there lay.
Here foft compaffion to her Kettle,
There pity'd pinner ftops her mettal.
Another gins her cheeks to wet,
In
mercy to her Cabinet.
At length ſteps up an ancient Matron,
That Priamus by ſtrings of Apron,
Had often lead, as being one,
Had nurs'd him many a Girl and Son ;
Whom ſhe their Primars alſo taught,
And firkt their royal tayls for naught.
This venerable peice of Age
I
Hight
:
114
BookV.
MARONIDES, or,
!
Hight Pyrgo, more than Midwife fage;
With voice like Kitten, when it mews,
Thruſting her neck out like a Gooſe,
Quo fhe,let's not be over hafty,
To credit Beroe, ſhe's too too teſty.
Come, come my friends, I know what's what,
And I muſt tell ye-Ifmeil a Rat.
She Beroe, Thee's a lying flut ;
She's no more Beroe,than my Scut.
Alas poor Beroe's fick a bed,
Scarce an hower fince I dreſt her head.
You might And then the ſwore the Devil take her,
ha'believ'd
her without That there was nothing worf: did make her ;
Jwearing.
Then that the could not come to fip,
And chat with us and ſmoke her pipe;
'Tis not for want of Love or Grace,
She came not hither to ſay maſs
For old Anchife in purgatorie.
But her old age, which makes me forry.
To fee her made a ſtalking horfe
!
And
Book. V.
115
VIRGIL Travesty.
And that for miſchief, which is worſe,
No, no, this wench ith' Devils name,
Is come from Heav'n from Jove's good dame.
Her Armpits fmel of Roſemary,
Which ſtrongly prove divinity.
Her lively aire, and feet's proceeding,
And eke her voice ſpeak heav'nly breeding
To little purpoſe thus ſpoke Pyrgo :
For not one foul beli ev'd her-Ergo.
Yet in refpect to female Wizard,
They ſtood a while twixt hauk and buzzard.
They liked well sicilian plains,
But Fate had fo bewhim'd their brains
With windmils they ſhould have in Latium,
Which for the prefent much did dafh'em.
Iris that had no mind to dally
Seeing'em thus ftand fhally fhally,
Streightway her felf disberoiz'd,
And in true ſhape re-Deitiz'd,
She through a cloud her bow diſplays,
I 2
And
116
Book V.
MARONIDES, or,
And on her wings, with heavenly grace,
A whole and even courſe ſhe ſteers ;
Then in a moment difappears.
There was no need of doing more,
The Trojan women now give ore,
And now like boys in fields of Moo”,
That go to pillage Baud and Whore;
In Troops moft fiercely diabolic,
They take in hand their curſed Frolic.
Like people mad, or ſtark poffeft,
Acting what only rage thought beft.
They fack and pillage Neptunes Altars,
As if they nere had read their Pfalters ;
Fate kifs their tayls, and for Æneas,
They count him but a filly flea as.
By theſe fierce Queans thus arm'd with fire
In hand and rayl and upper tire.
The Galleys kindled look like Torches.,
The flames are not for Spaniſh Marches,
But rather a la mode de France,
From
Book V.
117
VIRGIL Travesty.
From Rope to rope they nimbly prance.
The Turk himſelf upon the Ropes,
Nere (hew'd fuch ftrange Curvets and hops.
The Ropes they eat for Sau fages
And on the Sails for Tripes they feize.
They dreſt'em not in Cook-room though
But eat the Cookroom up alſo ;
Yet could not mafter all, be't known,
They left the Furnace as a bone.
Down to the water they eat all,
But would not drink becaufe 'twas fmall:
Flames nere fo thirsty, underſtand ye,
No liquors love,but Wine and Brandy.
Eumelus all in haft comes pofting,
To ſee what Women were a roafting;
The flames did fo their buſineſs handle,
That he might fee without a candle,
The matter was too too tranfparent,
And fo he quickly had his errant :
Back he returns with horrid [din,
! 3
}
But
118
Book V.
MARONIDES, or,
{
Paffion
makes any
man mi.
Atake.
But nimble ſparks' too fleet for him
Had told before how ſtood affairs;
Alarum'd by thofe Meſſagers,
The people all make to the ſhore :
Afcane a horfeback gets before;
ye;
Damn'd jades quo he the Devil confound
But fires
your friend, the Devil drown'd ye.
What witchcraft thus poffeft ye all,
To burn our ſhips both great and ſmall ?
A madneſs Græcian rage outſtrips,
They burnt our houſes, left our ſhips.
The pox poffefs and burn' you next,
A crew of whores, that Hell perplext,
And fent from thence a plague to us.
Was ever Treafon black as this?
Confuming now our boats and ropes,
Y'have burnt the last of our hopes.
Accurfed Bitches, with black fouls,
Blacker then are your own made Coles.
Whore's only fit to be ſtrappado'd,
And
Book V.
119
VIRGIL Travesty.
And back and belly baftonadod.
Y'have brought me here with fuch a flutter,
That I have almoſt broke my crupper,
Befides the lofs of all my fport,
Hell take your plaguy bon-fire for't.
This having faid, with ſury toſt,
Like a blind man that ftaff had loft,
He threw his cap fo hard toth'ground,
As made it back to's hand rebound.
Aneas like a Lacquie puffing,
Comes in at length fwearing and huffing;
He look't like one befides his wits,
Tore his Montero all to bits;
But when the whole he underſtands,
He falls a gnawing both his hands;
Then in a paffion out he roars,
Where are thefe jades, thefe plaguy whores!
Incarnate Devils, I'le quit their fcores.
But cunning bitches once the feat
Being done had, founded a retreat;
I 4
Whip
A neat in-
vention to
give him
bis hat
witho´t a-
lighting.
1
F
120
Book V.
MARONIDE S, or,
Whip they were gon forfooth to pifs,
So general the engagement is;
That you might fooner cut your throat,
Than fee a Smock or Peticoat;
They had all found Daughter and Mother
In Rocks or Sands fome hole or other.
Some in the next Woods refuge take,
For all their Arfes buttons make,
Seeing the Jades prancks they had plaid,
For Iris then they backward pray'd.
And ſpending on Juno in Follies free,
Of Billings-gate Artillery.
More mad at her that drell'd'em in,
And jeeres'em now out of their skin,
But ſtill the Veffels they burn on,
Till maffic Timber's almoft gon.
Wife work i'faith for bearded Chins,
To leave their Ketches at thirteen's.
The colking made fo thick a ſmoak,
As would a Chimney-Sweeper choak.
Hero's
Book V.
12 I
VIRGIL Travesty.
Hero's like fools ftood gaping on
But all their ſtrength was uſeleſs growi
Aneas being fore diſtreſt,
To fee the Devil make fuch a Feaft,
Bedaub'd and plaiſter'd with defpair
Clawes his white skin and tears his hair,
To fee his thips where hopes rely'd
By durty drabs ſo fricaffy'd.
He tore his garments all he had
Which made his fmirking Taylor glad,
And then his hairy breſt he ſhewed
All ſcabby to the multitude;
At length with voice of dying mas,
He crofs'd his Arms, and thus fpoke on.
O Jove of whom I never fail,
To fpeak kind words, though in my Ale,
Ay me behold this fatal blaze,
Such nere befel in all your days;
For give me leave to let you know fo,
Troys fire to this, was but a fo, fo;
!
2
?
122
Book V.
MARONIDES, or,
Plain deals
If you have any kindneſs for's,
And that grey Mare ben't better Horſe;
If there be any ſmooth Bordachio
That does affect your ſmooth Mustachio,
I mean, mong us, let me be him,
I'le ſtrive to pleaſe ye with my limb.
You shall have with me,bate extortion,
An ample younger brothers portion :
If this be pleaſing to your Grace
Laugh not but weep, lend weeping face,
And all the tears that you can fhed
On (hips with flames invironed;
Damn'd Sempftreffes wou'd they were whipt,
Have all our grand affairs unript ;
And therefore pour L'amour de dieu
Give us fome Rain or elfe fome fnow;
They'l be more welcome now, good footh,
Then ſhowers in Harveſt after drouth:
Rain pailfuls therefore for a ſpurt
ing's a jew-E fe l'le not give thee fixpence for't;
el.
You
Book V.
123
VIRGIL Travesty.
You have a Sun, that with his bucket
Knowes up again well how to pluck it.
Sometimes ye rain down hei! ding dong,
Giving your water for a fong.
That Holland felt, nor drap de berry,
Are able to withſtand the ferry.
And when we pray but for Ale quart,
Thou giv'ft us Winchester meaſure for't:
Then if thou lov't me, deare Fove, rain,
Rain for thy life and fill the main,
Till like a pifs pot it run ore;
Never came rain to purpoſe more.
Give our your ships that are ſo hot all
But one kind dram of thy full bottle.
Aneas had no fooner ended,
But a vaſt deluge ſtraight defcended :
Showers did not fall, but rather Rivers,
The Trojans look't like Corniſh divers:
Aneas waſh'd, began to fcowl,
Though but juſt now, bis very foul
He
For June
was gone a
Goffiping
and knew
nothing of
his Pe ition
ce
124
Book V.
MARONIDES,OF,
j
He would have pawn'd for but one brimmers
The Gods could hardly pleaſe his humour.
To tell ye how fine feathers lookt
Like Capons tayles, how ſcarfs bemuck't
Had changed their Curious gloffie hues,
Or the fad fate of Calves-skin (hoos,
Tis needlefs quite, for you may guefs;
But's (hips were in a better caſe;
For fire and water falling out,
The water hap't to be moſt ſtout,
And quickly maugre their welch heat,
Over the flames the victory get.
So that what ever did remain,
Was furely faved by the rain.
But though your flames were quench'd &çcas'd
Aneas could nor well digeſt
Thefe blowes of Fate, which made him muddy
And put him in a deep brown ſtudy,
What courſe to ſteer, or how t'app'y
To prefent evils, remedy,
Long
3
Book V.
125
VIRGIL Travesty.
Long was he in a great quandary,
Whither to go his ways or tarry.
Pox o'theſe Oracles quo he,
They tell no truth that I can fee.
Then up ſteps, an old Cinque and Quatre
Grave Nautes hight, whom Jove wife daughter
Choſe from his Cradle for her Crony,
And with him often top'd stypene.
A defperate Cafuift, for he well
Aquinas knew, and Zabarell.
And for predictions a meer Lilly.
Only for Rimes Drammatic filly.
This Doctor taking ſtreight, forfooth,
Aneas words out of his mouth
Aneas th'art a fool quo he,j
Leave fretting and be ral'd by me.
Fortunes a Whore, a meer Gilflurt,
And fcorns the more, the more ye court
Let her be Pox't and hang'd for a Jade,
Throw thy Cap at her, and her aid.
Go
127
Book V.
MARONIDES, vr
Go boldly, without fear or wit,
And hit that nail that will be hit.
Yet caufe two heads are better than one
Acestes of your privy Coun
Cel fwear, he'l hear thee with a whiſtle;
And he's as fhrew'd a man as Cecil.
For th❜old and lame, knock'em oth'head;
Tis juſt like having babes to bed.
For lazie Truants, man or woman,
Turn'em a grazing on fome Common:
Where if the rain or wind do trouble,
They may build huts with lome and ftubble.
Which then,they for a Town may take,
And call's Aceftes for his fake.
But all the lufty fwaggering blades,
Thar can both fight and ravifh maids,
Burn Villages and plunder Towns,
Swear oaths of all dimenſions,
Keep theſe as th'apple of your eye,
And be their chief, I'le tell ye why,
To
Book V.
126 1
VIRGIL Travesty.
To murder all the innocent flock
That live by Tibers little brook.
But which ſhall ſhortly toſs her noſe,
Bove all the floods Fo: Moxon knows;
And ſpite of all their teeths compel
'Em to pay Cuſtom and Gabel
Thus ends the Prophet Gaffer two-ſhoos:
For ſtanding cold without Galofhoes
The rhume his noſe did tickle fore
;
>
And fneezing forc'd him to give ore.
Aneas wits gon wool to gather,
Heed neither ſpeech nor Nautes neither.
His bufie pate was full of parables,
His foul was prickt as twere with (parables;
Thus paind like maid that weaneth willow,
Quo he, Ile go confult my pillow.
Now was the night as dark as pitch is
And near the hour that favours witches;
When he toffing and tumbling lies,
Like one in Love above the
eyes.
Or
128
Book V.
MARONIDES,or,
Or vexed foul, when houer is fled,
That Maudlin (wore the'd come to bed.
Thus lying as he lay, tormenting
His brain-fick noddle with inventing,
Up comes the Reverent Anchifes
In the fame Doublet, Hoſe and Breeches
As he was always wont to weare;
For knowing how his fon did feare,
Befides thofe Devils,Rats and Ferrets,
Thoſe other Devils called Spirits,
And that an Apparition might
Make mad work with the fheets by night
Thought fit to come in Chape left dreadful
To him that had his breſt and head ful.
The Curtains drawn,he fets him down
And then quo he, God ſave ye Son.
Up ftart's Aneas in a huddle,
And all affrighted,pifs'd a puddle.
For fear, though they were strong as Ludgates
Will fet ope any Mortal's Floodgates.
•
When
3
Book V.
129
VIRGIL Travesty.
When Father cry'd in deep affection
Hold water Son, ye have protection.
Go ring your ſhirt, and leave furmifes
I am your Father old Anchifes.
Fove that has quench'd the raging fire,
According to your own defite,
Has fent me here your brains to fe ttle,
And not with fear your mind to nettle.
As for the old and the decrepit,
To that which Nautes fays, give credit:
Tis good advice, and as fententious,
As Hunaks ere gave to fon licentious.
But thofe that can both ſay and do,
Let them go all along with you,
To Tiber's ſtream, to which are bred nigh
A warlike race, of a ſtrange kidney.
That fling a Devil and half at once,
Iffe're they meet with any affronts.
But ere ye go to this ſame war,
You muſt go under ground d'y’heare,
K
And
130
BookV.
MARONIDES, or,
And vifit fable Pluto's manner.
Where I ſhall be to do thee honour
And make thee welcome as a Prince,
As hath the old ſaying been long fince.
For I am no tormented foul
But walk about upon parole.
In fields Elyftan without fetters ;
Where all your fouls mark't with red letters,
Their ſeveral ſports and paftimes take,
With Cards, or Bowles, or Ale and Cake.
There you ſhall meet a curteous Sibill
Which there men credit next the Bible;
She'l gob
go before you
with a Lanthorn
To fhew you ev'ry corner, and turn:
There you ſhall hear me make Tautologics.
Concerning all your Genealogies.
Which every day I con by heart,
As Children ſay their mornings part.
So Son adieu, the day appears;
I dare not tarry for my ears.
For
}
Book. V.
13 1
VIRGIL Travesty.
For when the Sun awakes the Daw's,
Hobgoblins eyes always draw ftraws.
Aneas in a plaguy fear,
Sneaks out his head and cries who's there ?
But having now the night-Mare flain;
And rung his wits all in again,
He fprings upon his tayl anon
Quo he, what Father gon fo foon ?
Not ſtay and take a dram oth'bottle,
After the pains of ſo much twattle ?
How is your heart fo cruel grown?
So short a vifit, and be gon?
Return again my dear Dadda,
And hear how well I yet can fay,
Pray Father pray to God bleſs me :
That filly fear thould ſo oppreſs me ?
And make me thus forget all grace:
Dog in a Doublet as I was.
Then out he goes for tinder box,
But by the way ſo hard he knocks
K 2
His
132
Book V.
MARONIDEs, or,
4
His Princely thins againſt a Chair,
That paffion urg'd could not forbear;
Quo he, pox take this dog my father,
To lead me thus I know not whither;
I warrant it an Inch-Incifion,
whichers
The Devil take him with his vifion.
But by and by when pain was over,
And fenfes did their feat recover,
His anger cooles,and he repents
Of his ungracious complements.
Tomake his peace he fmoak'd the Room
With Frankinſence or fome perfume.
A confecrated Cheefcake next >
If I am not befides the Text,
(Though Lipfius and the German gang
Of Pedants only fit to hang,
Say 'twas a Fool) which merits faith
As given to one that had no teeth.)
He gave old Vefta, old indeed, ·
Sh'had liv'd five thousand years a Maid;.
Now
Book V.
133
VIRGIL Travesty.
Now call'd the Goddes mumble-Cruſt.
This offring finish'd, and in poſt
His mattins faid, and. Ave Maries,
He's fix'd again for new figaries.
He goes to find the Rabble out
,
He tels his tale; they laugh and flour;
Until he fwore by his Virginity;
And then they could not in civility
But credit every word he ſaid.
Aceftes readily obcy'd,
And without making long diſcourſe
Promis'd'em all his utmoſt force,
Aneas not to spoil his plot,
Refolves to ſtrike while the Iron's hot.
Heftreight calls out the old and feeble
And women moſt unprofitable,
And all the dainty, Lazie blouſes,
That ſnips forfake to live in houſes.
He only kept with him the ftout,
Such as would hold all weathers out
K 3
Of
134
1
MARONIDES, or,
Book V.
Of which one man would cudgel four,
And four would ribroſt half a ſcore.
In number few, but great in heart,
Not valuing danger of a farr.
The ſhips were preſently repair'd,
New Oars are fram'd, new mafts are rear'd.
New taffata Jacks and filken ftreamers
For this new moddel had no Dreamers.
A toyl that words have quickly ended,
For what's foon faid, is foon amended.
Aneas now Surveyor turns,
Gets him a Plough,and beafts with horns,
And moſt gentilely like a Clown,
Scores out the Moddel of a Town;
The Streets, the Lanes, and Market places,
Exact like Troy with all her graces.
Their Concubines apartiment,
And privies moſt magnificent
Acestes laugh'd untill he puk'd,
To find his Honour thus bc-Jụk'd,
Makes
Book V.
135
VIRGIL Travesty.
"
Makes law's a hundred more then twenty;
And Officers clofe ftool to empty.
Then where they never were before,
To Venus, that Celeſtial whore
Upon the mountain, Erycine,
He makes a Temple, and a Shrine
Tolay Anchifes bones therein,
And of the order Jacobin,
He Confecrates a lazie Prieſt
>
Whofe office 'twas in dirty veſt,
Before a Taper jalways burning,
To howl out ditties full of mourning,
Thus having got a little quiet
They fell to junketting and riot;
Nine days in gluttony they toyl,
And drink like Shoomakers the while;
Till now the Ocean calm and gay
Tell's em 'tis time to take away.
The Southwind blows, but makes no buftle,
More then to call'em with his whiſtle.
K 4
The
}
↓
136
Book V.
MARONIDE s, or,
The longeſt day muſt have an end
And friend at length muft part with friend.
So'tis with them, now feafon calls,
Of force they must pack up their Awls.
The Galley-rofters then began
To howl and blubber,and take on;
The women loath to ly alone
Are all now frantic to be gon.
Aneas, who had words at will,
Begs'em with patience to be ſtill;
Sometimes he laughs, fometimes he cries,
As Cunning fway'd his drolleries.
Twenty deluding tricks he us'd,
And fo their female brains amus'd,
That they were well content to yeild,
And to the Conqueft quit the Feild.
O heav'ns now what a noiſe is here!
Of humble fervant,thine my Deare,
Farewell my Joy, farewell my Love,
Farewel my Hony, Duck and Dove,
They
Book V.
137
VIRGIL Travesty.
$
They kifs, they cry, they laugh, ſhake hands,
Embrace and hugg, and on the Sands
Th'had taken their laſt leave,fome think,
Had Captain giv'n'em the leaſt wink.
Three Sheep are to the Tempefts flain,
To keep'em in a merry vain.
And then for Eryx that town Bull
Four Heifers from the Herds they cull.
The Anchors weigh'd, all ready now,
Aneas ftands upon the prow,
With Olive branch upon hisbrow;
As thus he fate in Princely pomp,
On a Portmantle eafing Rump,
A young tarpaulin Facka lent
Brought him a cup of mufty Tent;
What's this quo he, the juice of Toads?
'Tis well enough, 'twill ferve the Gods:
With that he powr'd it down the Main,
That drank it, as't'had been Champain.
The guts and Garbadge of each beaft,
He
1
138 MARONIDES, or,
Book V.
1
He gave the Tritons for a feaſt.
For with the Brisket, Chines and Ribs,
Trojans themſelves had fil'd their cribs.
The Seas thus pleas'd with Sail, and Oar,
They part from the beloved ſhoar.
You would have fworn,had you been near
That all the Kent-Street Broom men there
Had empty'd all their leathern
geare,
Nothing was extant to your views
For a whole mile but Womens fhoos.
Thus in old (hoos their wishes flew,
While they look on and with for new:
And fo return from viewing fleet
With tongues more clamorous than their feet
Venus the while a flut moſt crafty,
And mindful of her white boy's fafety,
*
Bids Coachman harnefs Flanders Mares,
And freight to Neptune (he careirs.
Neptune, it being long Vacation,
For want of better recreation,
With
Book V.
139
VIRGIL Travesty.
With Oyſter ſhels, and rocky flakes
Was bufie making Ducks and Drakes
But when he ſaw the Lackerd Coach,
He left his ſport and makes approach,
Bleſs me, quo ſhe, what mean you fo
Your noble paſtime to forego?
;
In truth I blame my rudeness for't;
That thus hath made you leave your iport,
With voice more lulling than a lute
She had fo charm'd the Sea-green Brute,
Madam quo he,kiffing her hand,
I were not worthy my command,
Should I not all things fet a fide
When ſuch a Dame, fo near ally'd
Whom I love more, than you can guefs it,
Shal honour me with fuch a vifit;
Good now what wind has blown you hither?
Some plot of Juno upon the weather:
Y'are in the right on't, on my Honour
She plagues my heart out, pox upon her,
T:
140
Book V.
MARONIDE s,or,
'Tis ſcarce a month but in deſpite,
She burnt up all my fons whole fleet.
And would have gridled him himſelf,
But that the pretty harmleſs Elfe
Has a good faculty to ball it,
When any miſchief does befall it.
In all our heav'nly Court there's none
But hates her like a Scorpion.
And Jupiter's a Hobby-horſe,
He does not kick her out of dores
As one would kick a dog or bitch.
She has the Devil in her breech.
Time that brings all things to an end,
Can't bound the malice of this fiend.
The Laws of Fate the chops and changes,
As all things mov'd upon her hinges.
What need I tell you, you well know,
She's nothing elſe but fire and Tow.
But t'other day, in Lybic Seas]
What a Combuſtion did the raife!
At
Book V.
•148
VIRGIL Travesty.
Attempting thofe her wild fegaries
Within your Highneſs territories;
But that your Grace,I humbly thank ye,
Seeing how meanly the did rank ye,
Were pleas'd to take good cognizance
Of pulling flaves Irreverence,
4. To corrub'd'em, that I think
Their windy holes began to ftink;
And then the ſneaking fons of whores
Pull'd in their horns, like Cuckolds Currs,
That find by letters intercepred,
How well their ſtately heads are grafted.
But tempefts miffling her defire,
She ſeeks to work her ends by fire;
But then her husband by a (hower
Stopt the damn'd progrefs of her power.
That which remains,I beg your Grace
To let your Seas keep fmiling face.
Let only gentle Zephyr be
Your Highness courteous Deputy.
And
143
Book V.
MARONIDES, or
And for thoſe teſty Aquilo's
Chafe'em like Hornets from my noſe.
Let Son at Tyber ſafe arrives
And for fo doing, as I live.
My Maids shall work ye against Eafter,
A pointed Band worth twice a tefter.
I tell you this, as I am modeft
Upon the word of a true Goddeſs,
Dear Madam, why fuch words as theſe?
You are fole Miſtreſs of the Seas.
From thence you came: The Seas were mad,
If they for you no kindneſs had.
And therefore vex your felf no more,
I'le make the winds your breath adore.
P'le have a care of your young man,
The fame that Doe has of her fawn:
:
Fair Simois and Xanthus both
I call to witneſs upon Oath
The large effects of former care;
Achilles when, great man of War,
1
Affaulting
Book V.
143
VIRGIL Travesty.
{
Alfaulting Troy, a bold adventure,
Your dapper Son would needs incounter
And like to have his brains knockt out,
In cloud I rapt him, as in clout,
While his fierce foe in vain purfu'd,
And th'Air as vainly hack t¦and hew'd
I have the fame protection ftill,
The fame intention and good will ;
And for the fake of your bright eyes
He ne're ſhall want what in me lies.
Morco're to fhew I love him well,
I'le give him paffage into Hell.
Egrefs and regrefs to his wilhes,
As he were one of my own Fishes.
The Lady hearing fo much mercy,
Dropt him a very delicate Curtfey.
The King of floods then gave command,
And Coach is tackled out of hand
Coach by two Hippopotams drawry
Not Dolphins as the Learned fain
;
And
144
Book V.
MARONIDES,or,
Y
And on the billows then he drives
The pace
At his approach the Sea becalms,
of Princes and their wives
The waves as quiet are, as Lambs ;
Winds clap their tayls betwixt their legs,
Like Chaplain took at Baudy Pegs:
The Scene was chang'd quite through the main,
All cover'd now with Neptunes train.
He to ſhew Lady Coz. his Port
Had fummon'd all t'attend his Court.
Firſt the Promoters of the Sea,
His Sarjeants and his Catch poles, they
Were certain Monſters,th'uglieſt Rogues
That ere were feen, upon Sea-Hogs.
Whales of all fizes,forts and ſhapes,
With noſes made like ſquirts for Claps,
Whence they could ſpout ye with a vengeance
Whole Rivers, like my Lord Majors Engins.
Thefe Glaucus lead, a man of note,
In fcallop ſhel inftead of Boat.
And
Book. V.
145
VIRGIL Travesty.
And all the way he play'd moſt fine
Upon a Trumpet call'dMarine.
Ino's Executor Palamon
Rid mounted on a good fat Sammon ;
Old Triton fecond in the Empire,
Rode in a Chariot frindg'd with Sampire:
A Scallop lin'd with mother of Pearl,
Which fix large Oyſters nimbly whirle
Phorcus the next moſt eminent
Brought a whole a ragged Regiment
Riding with dirty fhirts on Sharkes,
All dammy Boys,and He&t'ring Sparkes;
Next Thetis with her Sallow jowl
Rides monuted on an ambling Sole;
And next to her was Melite,
Behind her man upon a Ray.
Fair Panope a Virgin ftill,
Beſtrides an o'regrown Mackaril.
Cymodoce brings up the Rear,
Upon a nimble Didapper.
L
Such
142
, vr Book V.
MARONIDESHARONID
Such was the worſhipful proceffion
Made by the Chiefs of Sea-born Nation :
Aneas at the weather ſmiles,
A fmile in length above three miles.
Men might have feen his heart untroubled }
Caper Coranto's through his doublet,
Among the ſhips there's not a lazy one,
All by the fore-lock take Occafion ;
Their fails are full, and Seamen brisk,
Some go to ſleep, and fome to Whisk,
The gale works for 'em, while the Ships
All keeps their courſe, their Amm'ral keeps
That fteer'd by Palinure, a head
The body of the whole Fleet lead
Starboard, or Latboard, or No near,
Howe're he ſteer'd'all others fteer,
The Rowers all the Seafon bleft,
That gave them fo much time to reſt,
And all lay down upon the plancks
To recreate their weary Flanks.
f
While
!
f
I
Book V.
VIRGIL Travesty.
143
While Pilots with their eyes, like Owles,
Look out for Sea-marks, and for (holes,
The rest, without the aid of Poppey,
Or juice of Lettices, fo nappy,
So foundly flept, that fome men fwore
fouls where heard to fnote,
Their very
When, lo, a little Urchin whipster,
A god cal'd, but more like a Tapfter,
That by his good will would never waken,
But fleep all day in rufty Bacon,
This demi-god is Deaths one brother,
'Tis well fh'has him, (h'has nere another.
This drowfie Soul drops from the ſtars,
Difpels the Miſt, that hid his Arſe,
And thus like a diffembling Knave,
For Palinure provides a grave.
Like Phorbas clad, quo he, dear Friend
What harm doſt thou thy ſelf intend
By watching thus afide thy care:
And fleep a while,
while weather's fair,
L 2
And
1
130
MARONIDES, or, BookV.
{
And I'le be careful till you wake
Of Galleys, that no harm they take.
Follow your Fools advice that pleaſe,
I'le fleep no fleeps, by Gods good grace:
Who fent you here with this blind ſtory è
Thus Palinure frumpt young John Dory.
This bold young Sophiſter howe're
Continued ſtill to buzz in's Ear'.
He beggd him ore and ore again
To clear his eyelids, but in vain,
For Palinure he could not coax :
Friend, quoth he, y'are in the wrong box.
Is this a time for me to fnort,
Knowing the burden I fupport.
How should I anſwer to be found,
I faſt a ſleep, Ships faſt a ground?
My Maſter, great Æneas, fure
Would give much thanks to Palinure.
A fcalded dog the Kitchen bauks,
So we have had enough of rocks,
The
Book V.
[37]
VIRGIL Travesty.
The little God, but hugeous Devil,
Finding perfwafions nere ſo civil,
Would not prevail, draws out a jelly,
The colour I can hardly tell ye,
With this fame oyl, not oyl of Violet,
He rub'd the Temples of the Pilot,
Who, without dreaming o the Fleet,
Falls flat on's belly faſt a ſleep.
When on a ſudden part of the ſteerage,
Not well repair'd or out of meer age.
Whips off, and Pilot, heav'n knows how,
Only that Virgil fays 'twas fo,
Went with a murrain altogether,
Aſtrange miſchance in fuch good weather,
And therefore wife men gueſs it rather,
Though bad excufe by Virgil made,
Is better than t' have nothing faid)
That the old man too much had drank,
And going to th― fell off a plank.
However 'twas,wak'd with the fall,
{
He
5
1
138 MARONIDES, or,
Book V.
i
He vainly to his Mates did call,
For he was drown'd, and mifchief done,
Away th' unlucky God doth run.
How e're the Ships ſteer a right courſe,
ForNeptunes promiſe guides their oars,
Though fome conjecture they did well,
Rather by hap, than by good skill.
Tell by and by the Rocks approaching,
Where Syrens live, all day debauching,
Aneas by good chance lookt out,
And feeing Ships fo neera rout,
Thought Pilot either drunk or dead,
And that without his prefent aid,
The Ships would be at fix and fev'ns,
He goes to fee: but then O Heav'ns!
Th'aſtoniſhed Mortal quickly found,
That Palinure, Good man, was drown'd,
The Galleys (wom at ſeven and fix,
Like blind men groping without ſticks,
And now they gan approach the ftoncs
That
1
Book V.
13.9.
VIRGIL Travesty.
That lookt all white like dead mens bones,
And yet the waves neer (hallow (nore,
Lay howling day and night for more.
Anear, whiter than his Cravat,
Saw 'twas nothing for man to laugh at ;
'Iwas time i'faith for him to work,
The which he did like any Turk;
And ftreight though night, and hard put to t,
Got fea room, and good way to boot,
He wrought, but could not ſing a noat,
Like merry Cobiers under ſtals';
For grief had ſpoild his Madrigals ;
But for his Pilot, now a fleep,
A hundred fighs he fetch'd ful deep;
He puft, and heav'd, and roard, and ſnob'd,
To fee himſelf of Pilot rob'd
Ah my Dear Friend, his noddle fhaking,
That now muft fleep for want of waking,
Whom ſleep it ſelf, hath taken napping,
And ſtrangled in the water dropping,
Naked
7
✔
134 MARONIDES, &c. Book V
i
7
the
Naked upon fome forreign ſhore
Thou shalt be caft and feen no more;
7 hough if no Porpoiſe eat thee up,
Nor Sturgron on thy carkafs fup,
Time may perhaps bring thee to light,
Jill then, Dear Palinure, good Night,
:
FINIS
[
1
1
MARONIDES
OR
Virgil Travelty
LIB. VI.
:
S
Uch words the fad Æneas fpoke;
They would have melted heart of oak
His copious griefne'r wantedOnions,
For tears were always his Companions;
They were no tears that dropt from goblet
That ſo befmear'd his Princely doublet;
B
His
MARONIDĒS, or,
Book VI.
་
His tears were of another faſhion,
The tears of real Lamentation:
He griev'd for Palinure fo long,
That had his Widow been but young,
She could not have refus'd, I trow,
The Man that lov'd her Husband fo:
But Fate, that good and bad conjobles,
Playing on back-fide of the Tables,
Checquering his Fortune black and white,
Now fhews him a moſt lovely ſight,
Th' Euboic fhore, ſo near at hand
5
That you may quoite a ſtone on land;
For joy they threw their Caps i'th' Sea,
For we'l ha' better, ftrait, quo they,
So loud they did each other welcome,
Pool might ha' heard the noiſe from Melcom ;
That done, they fall to ſhipping oar,
Caft Anchor and the Galleys moore;
The Galleys, with the Spritfail Bow,
Tolce-ward turn'd, lay all a row,,
As
Book VI.
3
VIRGIL Travesty.
As on the ſpits you ſee Hogs-haſlets,
Or Beads on Pater nofter bracelets,
And now the mad tar pauling Spittles
Are all for ſmoke,or elfe freſh vittles:
Away in mud, up to the knees,
They ding a fhore. For ſeeing trees,
Quoth they, a Forreſt, and iffo,
By Jove we'l have a brace or two.
So fome ſteal Deer, and Keepers beat,
And others wood, to roaſt the meat ;
Another Gang on all four creeps,
Digging for Flints to light their pipes;
And if a River they eſpy;
Yon's water to make drink, they cry.
While Paſties made have time to ſoak,
Pious Æneas takes a walk;
He fpies a Houſe,firſt thought a Lodge,
But prov'd a Temple, never budge;
- I Know where now I am, quo he,
Apollo's Fane this needs muſt be ;
B 2
And
4
Book V.
MARONIDES, vr
And not far offis Den of Sybil,
Of which I have heard full many a quibble ;
For by this Den there hangs a tale,
If Daddy fpake not in his ale.
And fomething of a moldy verfe
Hath bred a maggot in my A
This Riddle me Riddle me what is this,
To vifit foon I muſt not mifs
'Twill coft at leaſt two full hours time
To hear her fhitten come fhites in rhime.
This Temple for its outward ſtructure,
And infide beauty, as I conjecture,
No Bunken Mafons hand did rear,
Nor was defign'd by Welch Surveyor,
Nor painting done by daubers 'prentices
That spoilChurch wals with pious fentences
But by ingenious Dedalus,
Whom Minos threatning for to trufs,
He foon fix'd wings unto his back,
And thither fled to fave his Neck:
Th'ama-
ત
Book VI.
VIRGIL Travesty.
Th'amazed Birds their tayls beſhite,.
They take him for fome monstrous Kite.
At length at Cume he doth alight,
And there according to his oath,
The Carpenter and Mafon both,
He built a Temple wondrous fair,
Wherein to keep his Wings fo rare:
Such was their zeal then, hence I gather,
Men would build Temples for a feather.
Within the Portico, as I remember,
Painted in oyl, not in diſtemper,
Murder'd Androgens plainly fhews,
That thoſe that kill'd him were his Foes.
There, like the man that ſpews up purge,
Stands Minos clawing with a ſcourge
Faithleſs Cecropians raw buttocks,
For giving his Wives Son the pox.
Right againſt them was painted Creet,
A Tale like this you ſeldom meet ;
Nothing a Womans luft can cool,
A 3`
But
}
"
gr
*
6
MARONIDES, or, Book VI.
+
+
But Maiden-head of a Young Bull,
There the graveFather fhews his Trounfer
And his young Son, the half-veal Mounſieur;
By Mothers fide a Prince at leaſt,
But by his Fathers fide a Beaft;
And yet this Thing, part Man, part Beef,
Was well belov❜d by Mino's Wife :
Who as the Picture fhew'd to th’life,
In Labyrinth, by Dedals art,
Enjoy'd the Pizle of her Sweet-heart:
More Pander he, with fuch deſpite,
To horn the Royal Houſe of Creet.
There Icarus had been painted too,
But Dad for thee was full of wo;
Such was th' affection of his brain,
He could not fee thee drop again;
(ber,
Twice cry'd th'Old-man, while eie did blub-
But, when the wax 'gan to unfoder,
Down fell his pencil, like his Son,
And fo the work was left undone.
Eneas
Book VI.
7
VIRGIL Travesty.
Eneas, in a deep furpriſe,
Had almoſt ſtar'd out both his eyes,
When grave Achates came i'th' nick,
And prov'd by dint of Rhetorick,
That 'twas an act of Fools and Boyes,
Thus to ftand gazing upon toyes ;
When time was precious, and men ought
To ſtrike the iron while 'twas hot.
Then Lady Abbeſs Deiphobe,
(Pinn'd up behind her upper Robe)
Seeing the handſome Son of Venus,
This Leffon gave him, Ore tenus.
Great Sir, the Lord of many Hectors,
Is it for you 'mong toyes and Pictures?
You Lord Chief Baron of the Sages,
Is it for you among I-mages.
To think to find a kingdome Gratis?
Fate is,
Or fince to ſay ſo much my Fate
To have a Kingdome drop i' your mouth,
While you are wallowing in floath?
B 4 j
!
No,
8
Book VI.
MARONID ES, or
{
44
豐
​No, no, if you will Kingdomes have,
You muſt turn over a new leaf.
Leave baubles then, like filly Knaves,
And cut the throats of eight fat Calves,
And eight fat Sheep, as I give order,
Of pictures let me hear no further.
Twas quickly faid, and quickly done,
For all on feveral errants run,
}
shub, then cry'd fhe, as men drive Turkey's
Driving the Trojans down a Stair-caſe
Into her lodging all before her,
There's none refift, for all adore her,
It was a Dungeon dark and foul,
Much like the Witch of Oukey's hole.
It had an hundred doors and better,
For every poſt brought heav'nly letter
Wherein the Anſwers were contain'd,
For fimple cox-comb Mortals fain'd.
Eneas now arriv'd at place,
Where Cuſhion rich expects his Grace,
Behold
کھو
}
Book. VI.
VIRGIL Travesty.
Behold the time is come, quoth fhe,
That now ye may demand of me;
All on a fudden Vifage chang'd,
Black in the mouth, like one that's hang'd.
A madneſs ſeiz'd her, though Divine ;
If otherwife, I'le not repine,
For 'tis no bread and butter o'mine.
Distemper, even fuch another,
Which your Wife women call the Mother;
In this fame rage, the hair-brain'd queftril
Shew'd the foundations of each noftril -
Her eyes that well might paſs for bright,
Appear like charcoles giving light:
Her treffes that disfhevel'd flowed,
As bigg as knitting-needles fhew'd:
Her lips befmear'd with foam, I wifs,
In bad condition then to kiſs
4
Her voice grew hoarfe, and lungs oppreft,
Like Organ bellow's fill'd her breaft;
In brief, this Old Cœleftial Antick
Seem'd
10
Book VI.
MARONIDE S‚or,
;
3
Seem'd like a perſon wholly frantick:
Quoth fhe, Æneas ſay your Creed,
Believe it elſe we ne'r ſhall ſpeed ;
This holy Houſe wo'n't ope one hatch
To give our prayers the leaft difpatch.
Then faid Æneas, Mighty Serious,
Fair Lady Abbess been't fo furious.
O Phœbus then, Quo he, whofe care
(Attend with reverence to his prayer)
To Ilium alwayes fair and fquare,
When proud Achilles laught to ſcorn
All men, like him, not ſhot free born,
Did fo direct young Paris dart,
As through his heel to hit his heart;
From many ſhores and many Seas,
And people worſe than Savages
Have I eſcap'd, though fhrewdly hatter'd
Which my lean hopes has fomthing butterd,
Why do I run from place to place,
And nothing gain in eight years ſpace?
While
E
Book VI.
II
VIRGIL Travesty.
What pleaſure can this Country be
To one that has it not, like me;
Juft like the poor Duke of Lorrain,
To call that mine, which is not mine.
Behold me now arrived here,
'But if I mifs this place, I ſwear,
*Were ye ten times more god, then y'are,
And whom I love more than I do,
I ſhall not value ye my old fhoo.
Now then without more Fiddle faddle,
Upon the right horſe ſet the ſaddle.
In ſaving us from further trouble,
You'l fhew your felf a Chriftian double.
Why ſhould ye thus for one mans fake,
That onely him did Cuckold make
Who well deferv'd it, a meer toy,
A race of Innocents deſtroy?
Fate has defign'd us a good Land,
Why ſhould'ſt thou pious work withſtand?
Troth ifI find that be the drift,
I
12
Book VI.
MARONIDEȘ, OF,
1
I muſt proteſt againſt the gift:
And therefore, O thou mighty King
OfLink-boyes all, that rore and fing,
And thou the Queen of all that uſe
Bright Lanthorns to keep clean their ſhoes;
Now hear my prayers, and wot ye well,
Ye fhall have Temples ding dong Bell,
Where men fhall pray with ftipends large,
At mine, or at fome others charge;
All querifters of skilful note,
That fing within Book, not by roat.
And for you Madam ſkummer-tail,
That with a word can turn the ſcale;
Cajowl rhe Gods, as thou knoweſt how,
And thou shalt fee, what I fhall do;
Prefents I have of Silkes and Sattins,
A Coach and Horſes to fave pattins,
Cupboards of Plate, and eke more mony,
Then thou know'ft how to spend,my Hony;
But do not ſpeak to me in Riddles,
1
I
Book VI.
13
VIRGIL Travesty.
I hate fuch damn'd confounded wheedles:
But write in velum all thy lurry;
In Roman hand or Secretary.
Or, like a Ballad, make it ſo,
To tune of Fortune is my Foe.
Thus pray'd Eneas till their heads ake ;
Then Virgin play'd the Devil for God-ſake:
She churm'd with head and eke with bum
To make the facred Oracle come.
At length the hundred gates flew open,
And words like theſe were ſtrangely ſpokea
Great Captain of the Trojan hoſt,
Upon the Sea ſo lately toſt;
As Villain Waves, with cruel thumps,
Have often put thee to thy trumps:
So will the land, as bafely crofs,
}
With thy ſweet meat mix fowre fauce:
The land is thine as fure as Gun,
But thou shalt fwear of Oaths a Tun,
Ere thou haft peace, and curfe all thofe,
That
14
Book VI,
MARONIDES,or,
1
That ſent thee 'gainſt fuch rugged Foes,
Many a rap on pate full rough,
Many a flaſh quite through thy buff,
In skin full many a button-hole,
And memory chaf'd behind the pole,
Shall let thee underſtand that Rofes
Can prick as well as pleaſe the Noſes.
Wars, horrid Wars I fee, and Tyber
With humane blood full ten times wider,
Like Xanthus, fhe for fhame not bluſhes,
But for the blood. that daily guſhes.
A new Achilles born of Goddeſs
You there ſhall find to bump your bodies:
Your old Friend Juno full of rancour,
Shall never fail ye with a Twanker,
For ye ne're knew a monied Whore
Without her Hectors halfe a ſcore.
And thus reduc'd to low eftate,
Here thou shalt beg, and there entreat,
But fuccour get the Devil a bit.
2
And
Book VI.
15
VIRGIL Travesty.
And ſtill the ſelf fame caufe of all
Another beardleſs Animal,
I mean a Woman full of rage ;
Another fatal marriage.
But be thou bold, as Bayard, ſtill
In ſpight of all the Devils in Hell,
Thy enemies cake ſhall all be dough,
The very Greeks that brought thee low,
From Prince not to be worth a farthing,
Shall be the first for thee jeo-parding.
'Tis frange you'l fay, but yet I do
Aflure you though 'tis ftrange, 'tis true.
And thus the grey muſtacho'd.sybil
Came to the end of dubious riddle.
Then quoth Æneas I'le be hang'd,
If ſhe her ſelf this underſtand;
ร
Pox of her toothleſs chaps for me
Can't fhe ſpeak fenfe, tho words ben't free?
As Devil came in, fo he went out,
Again ſhe made a diſmal rout,
>
Teaz'd
}
16
Book VI.
MARONIDES, or,
Teaz❜d by familiar Diabolic.
Like Mortals pepper'd with the cholick :
Aneas curs'd him, and his meſſage,
For by the ſtink, he geft his paffage.
so foon as Fury gan abate,
Eneas he renews his prate.
Quo he,good Virgin,leave your bounces,
Speak you,or let me fpeak four ounces:
No fooner ſaid, when ſhe forfooth
Lets a great fart full in his mouth;
The found was heard above a mile,
Which forc'd him under hat to ſmile.
And then with countenance grave & ftay'd,
He thus beſpoke the ancient Maid:
The dangers that you have declar'd,
With gentile patience I have heard;
But what care I, let more be ftir'd,
I value them not worth a t
One thing I beg of you to grant,
That's by your courteous means,good Aunt
To
Book VI.
17
VIRGIL Travesty.
To go and come, found as a Bell,
And view that hideous place, call'd Hell 3
And for to fee my Lord, my Father,
Of Trojan flock once chief Bell-weather.
For ſcarce without your helping hand,
Would I embark in that Dutch Land,
And yet to fee my Dad Anchifes,
I'de venture without Shirt or Breeches,
Through many a Pike, and many a Dart,
Although I ran the Gaunlet for't ;
And yet I don't much like the ſport.
When Fire did our poor City fack,
I took him up upon my back,
Not fuffring danger to come nigh us,
From whence I got the name of Pius:
For which good man in recompence,
He ſtill has follow'd me ere fince,
Alive or dead, I thank his Grace,
He ne're would leave my fleeping place:
Like faithfull Dog, ſtill at the heels
C
of
8
Book VI.
MARONIDES, or,
Of Mafter, whoſe fupport he feels:
He told me that without you are nigh,
I fhall but make a fruitless journey,
That Iſhall find of fmoaky Court,
Like Mifers door, faſt barr'd the Port,
In pitty of my quality,
Let Cerberus your friendſhip fee,
Leaſt worſe than Dog of Tanner he
With greedy fury ſeize a ſhin,
Or tear my doublet from my fkin.
If Orpheus, buta Ballad-Singer,
Onely, but holding up his finger,
That Dotard Charon could intoxi-
Cate and bring away his Doxy,
Ifbold Alcides made 'm quake,
If Thefeus, Pollux, had the knack,
If indeed ev'ry Saucy Jack,
Could when he would his friend bring back
Why ſhould not I,of Gods defcended,
Be more than fuch Paltrons befreinded.
The
Book VI.
VIRGIL Travesty. 19
The fairer Venus did me bear
And fure I can more fafely fwear,
For one ſo known to be my Mother,
Then any o'them fwear for their Father.
Y'have heard, what Great Æneas laid,
Now hear, I pray, what the reply'd.
The Ancient Jade all turd, all honey,
Touching his eyes, that lookt fo bonny,
Darling of Venus,may it pleaſe ye,
The way to Hell is very eaſie,
Any may go that pains will take;
But the main thing is to get back.
Few men by gods though lov'd as dearly,
As men themſelves love juice of Barly;
Though they came out of Jove's own Twiſt,
Or from a Goddeſs engine piſt,
That go to Hell in taunting ſcorn,
Have cauſe to brag of their return.
In thoſe vaſte Regions Woods are ſeen,
With Leavs all footy black, not green,
C 2
Envi-
20
Book VI.
MARONIDE s, or,
Environ'd with a hideous Lake,
Whoſe water no good drink will make;
There's not a Brewer will live nigh't;
This Lake it is Cocytus hight.
Yet notwithſtanding my Affertion,
If you admit of no Coertion,
Though give me leave to tell you trúe,
I never met a fool like you;
And better 'twere, I further tell ye,
To burn what hangs below your belly :
And this is faithful wholfome Counſel,
Which I'de ne're take from any Dunce ill 3
I ſay if yet your fingers itch,
To viſit Charon's filthy Ditch,
There is an Apple-tree, whoſe Fruit
Wou'd, if they knew how to come to❜t,.
Fit rarely well your Neat-house Gardens,
Where fools give Crowns apiece for War-
This tree within a wood lies hid,
Where you may fee as well at Mid---
(dens.
Night
Book VI.
2 I
VIRGIL Travesty.
Night as at noon, without a Lanthorn;
Nor will a Lanthorn do a mans turn,
Unleſs it have a lighted Candle;
Both Branch and Fruit are Gold to trondl
It now grows chiefly in Peru,
And in fome other parts a few.
Infernal Juno, Pluto's Wife,
This fruit loves rather then her life;
By her good will ſhe'l eat no other,
A coſtly Quean, juft like her Mother;
Give her Boon Chreftiens, and ſhe'l fart,
Give her but this, you win her heart.
If any fool without this goes,
Streight Cerberus pulls him by the noſe.
Make no more words, if brains be'nt ſupple,
Go`preſently and find this Apple:
Uſe both your eyes, as you would fee
For Needle in a Bottle of Hey.
It all depends upon good luck ;
For if you are by her forfook,
C 3
3
Faith
}
:
22
Book VI.
MARONIDES, or,
1
Faith
you may look til eyes drop out.
But if ſhe favour you this bout,
You'l find it juſt before your eyes,
And gather fruit with as much eafe,
As nimble finger'd Maid's catch Fleas ;
But firſt of all I you adviſe,
To bury Friend, that ftinking lies,
And if he lies unburied long,
Will Fleet infect, he ſmells ſo ſtrong;
His heavy foul is much dejected,
To ſee his body fo neglected.
Who knows what injury his pray'rs,
May bring to your ill fix'd affairs:
Go therefore, and appeafe his Ghoft,
'Tis but a Sheep or two at moſt 5
And judge you now what fooles thoſe are,
Will loſe a Hog for a ha'p'orth o'tar,
Or for an Ora jam pro nobis,
Which may produce pax efto vobis.
Eneas gave her no reply,
For
;
} S
Book VI.
VIRGIL Travesty.
33
For he was ready juſt to die;
The death of Friend did now fo grieve him,
Twas paſt all Brandy to relieve him,
And partly care of golden bow
A purchaſe he no more knew how,
Juft at the inftant, for to make,
Then carry Churches on his back.
His head thus laden with a peck
Of troubles, like to break his neck,
He quits the Den, like man of grief
Coming from Fun'ral of his Wife:
He bit his Fleſh, and cuft his brain,
That fuch bad Gueſts did entertain.
Achates followed him at heels,
And findes how he his lot bewailes.
What a pox ailes the man, quo he,
Was ever fuch a Sot as thee?
Was ever man fo plagu'd as I?
Then quoth Achates, pray Sir why?
Th'are riddles all y'ſpeak to me.
{
I
C 4
1
<
Book VI.
24
MARONIDES, UI,
'
!
De mortuis
I know no cauſe, nor none I fee.
With that his finger doth decipher
Where lay Mifenus his Bag-piper ;
Or fpeech or motion had he none,
And which is worſe his life was gone ;
Which was the reaſon, though well bred,
He now faluted 'um, being dead,
The Son of Eolus, or rather
Old Eolus was his own Father.
He knew full well to fill a Sackbutt,
And he could whiſtle like a Black-bird;
nil nifi bo- He'd trumpet with a Tooth-pick cafe,
num.
i
Holding a Mouth-piece in difgrace.
Hector he us❜d to found aſleep,
Who gave him three half crowns per week,
And once a year a Coat with fleeves.
He being gone where old Nick lives,
Æneas ftreightways him preferr'd
Chief Trumpeter to his Lifeguard,
With yearly pay, an hundred Franks,
+
Boots,
J
Book. VI.
25
VIRGIL Travesty.
1
Boots, Shooes, and Coat, and many thanks;
Beſides for curing Gallic fores,
He paid his Pothecaries fcores.
Better h'had been a Kennel-raker,
Then fuch an exquiſite noiſe-maker;
For while he dares the Tritons grim,
To tryal of their ſkill with him,
A while they heard his Roundelays,
But fearing he would get the praiſe ;
Among the reſt one with a hook
Pull'd him down headlong from the Rock:
Go there, quo Triton, with a wannion,
Art thou for Demigods Companion ?
They laid him out upon the fhore,
Wee'l have burnt Wine, if nothing more ;
For Ribons and for mourning Rings,
Spare us dear foul, w'have no fuch things:
Thus faid Æneas without Leeks,
Bathing in tears his rofie Cheeks;
Are theſe your reaſons, quoth Achates?
The
1
26
Book VI.
MARONIDES, or,
>
The Devil take your reaſons gratis :
Then out they went for food, and faggots,
To burn Miſenus and his Maggots:
No Woodman never work'd fo hard,
As did Æneas with hal-bard.
Down went the underwoods and buſhes,
As Jove had fent 'em 'gainſt the Thruſhes ;
The Captains fingers twiſted Bavins,
As faft as Wenches rattle bobbins.
Nor were the Latins then in haſte,
To bring their actions for the waſte.
All things thus finifh'd that were proper,
As 'twas but time, they went to fupper.
Eneas that had well digeſted;
(For doubtless meat was foundly rosted,
In all this time fo vainly waſted)
But that which now in ftomach role,
Was that which ne'r came there, God knows
A certain bow lay thwart his maw,
Far worſe, than had the meat been raw.
Oh
Book VI.
27
VIRGIL Travesty.
-
Oh now, quoth he, would Witch be kind,
And fhew me where this bow to find,
For hang her whore, I muſt believe her,
Miſenus fhew'd ſhe's no deceiver)
Now could I dance without a Fiddle;
All troubles baniſh'd from my noddle;
As jocund then as Elder Brother,
For death of the old Hunks his Father
He had no fooner fpoke the words,
But lo, juſt at his noſe, two Birds?
Pigeons they were with golden wings,
O how he capers then, and fings,
For well he knew, by their cronco's,
They were his Mothers pritty Crows.
Then did he out of bofome pull,
A filken bag of tares top ful;
You think I lie, and ſtory flight,
But fuch it ſeems was his forefight,
That never without tares he went.
And now the birds to compliment,
;
Tom
28
Book VI.
MARONIDES, or,
Tom, Tom he cryes, and ſcatter'd tares,
He us'd to But Birds were fhie and full of fears:
rob their
Nefts u ben And therefore fince they flight his tares,
he was
young.
Oliver-like he falls to 's Prayers;
My pretty Pigſnie Doves, quo he,
Who need no legs, becauſe ye flee;
If y'are my Mothers, ſure I am
Y'are both well bred, both Pidgeons tame
Then as y'are Turtles without gui'e,
Now help a lame Dog o're the ſtile:
Shew me but how to find this Codling,
For which my addle brains are mudling,
(Would it were mine in fhitten clout)
I ſhall be gratefull without doubt,
And give you for your kind diſpatches
Your full demands in Peaſe, or Vetches:
Or if you'l have of both, ye ſhall,
Of each a Bufhel at a meal.
Prayers being done, the Pidgeons flew,
Which made Aneas noſe look blew :
After
1
Book VI.
29
VIRGIL Travesty.
After he ſkips it, in his Pumps,
Eyes always fix'd upon their Rumps;
On Heav'n ſo much he ſtar'd, and ſcorn'd
The Earth, that while a ſtone he ſpurn'd,
The fcorned Earth tript up his toes,
And laid him fprawling on his noſe;
The thirſt for Gold that he was in,
Suffer'd him not to mind his fkin,
For ſtreight ere Cat can lick her ear,
He's up again at's old cariere.
The Turtles now approach'd the Pond,
(For ſtill by flying they got ground)
Or rather horrid Lake Avernus ;
Quo they, This Lake doth not concem us 5
From Devils Arfe in Darby Peak,
So ftrong a breath ſo hot did reak,
(Which cauſe it ſtank like any Tombſtone
Was ſtill perfum d with flow'r of Brimstone)
That Turtles us'd to Venus Chamber,
Could not endure the Devils Amber ;
2
And
30
Book V
MARONIDE S‚or,
कर
And therefore fafely, to their wifh,
Got over Satans Chafing-diſh,
O'th'other fide the Devils Ditch,
Within a place, within the which,
This Brain confounding Tree did grow,
They perch'd upon a golden bow,
So runs the Man to take up Pheſant,
When Fowling-piece has hit his wezand,
As runs Æneas, ftreatching finews
For Pipin worth fome twenty Guineys.
Now Virgil, like a Whelp and Bacon,
This fruit unto a Gum doth liken,
AGum in colour much like Saffron
The fimiles not fit to vapour on,
Chiefly for him, that fo well knew,
Sol would have lent him Ray or two;
That Phabe was not fo much worn,
But that ſhe could have fpar'd a horn.
Never was money-bag by Audeley,
As was this Pipin, feiz'd fo rudely.
Never
Book VI.
31
VIRGIL Travesty.
Never did Infants with more joy,
From parents hand fnatch Bartl'mew toy.
And as they run to fhew next friend,
So run's he to Cumean Fiend.
While he was profecuting Wheedle,
The Trojans were by no means idle.
Shedding whole Tankards fupernaculum,
Ofburnt wine tears,o'r good-man what-ye-
I mean the Trumpeter Mifenus,
(cal-him,
T'whom Virgil once more doth confine us.
With red roſe water they had wafh'd
His ſkin with the falt waves bedafh'd:
Th' had trimm'd hin like a water Spaniel,
And wrapt the body up in Flannel,
According to the true intent
OfTrojan Act of Parliament,
A baudy Batchelour of Art,
His Fun'ral Sermon preach'd by heart;
So little he in book was feen look,
He ſcarcely read his text within book.
His
<
33
Book VI.
MARONIDES, or,
!
:
His Pall was born by fix brave Hero's,
As right as e're top'd at Frank Vero's.
Five Herald-Painters had been ſcraping
The morn before, for Scutcheon making.
But money's ſhort, Eneas cry'd,
Elfe one had furely been imploy'd:
Eneas, charitable He
Did never fpare, when Fobb ran free ;
And now to's pow'r, fhew'd
very well
That he could bury, as well as kill.
Then th'odorous offerings of his friends
('Twas all the Tarr which they could ſcrape
From the Ship fides, and every Rope)
Was thrown among the firebrands ;
For Rhime as well as Sence, I wis,
Admits of a Parentheſis.
The facred Reliques, piping hot,
Chorineus clos'd in brazen pot :
Cooling the heat, before or after,
With gilt Bayes dipt in Holy-water.
And
Book. VI.
33
VIRGIL Travefty.
#!
And then the fatal fire to quench,
With tankards full their Lungs they drench.
Pious Eneas, who ne're ſhall
Claw off that name while's Cap's of wool,
As he was wont, all in a hurry
Made him a Tomb like hill silbury:
And left occafion he might have
Toufe 'um afterwards in's Grave,
Sets by him the old Fudling noggin,
Wherein his Noſe was always jogging;
Two bales of Fulhams low and high,
Tobacco, Pipes, and good Sher--ry :
His Trumpet, and his Armes fo bright,
And Tinderbox to ſtrike a light.
name,
Then made the Mount to bear his
Even Afifenus; Man of fame,
To make a hillock, more then wonder,
Bear that a top, was buried under.
Having perform'd theſe Ceremonies,
He takes his leave of all his Cronies ;
D
Intending
34
Book VI.
MARONIDES, or,
1
Intending now to viſit Devil,
By order of Cumean Sybils
A Den there was, whate're's becom on't,
Or whatſoe're is now ith' room on't:
A hideous, horrid, hateful Cell,
The Gullet of that Monſter, Hell;
A Sarazens mouth was nothing to't,
'Twould ſwallow mouth and head to boot,
At th’end of which a filthy maw,
Whoſe food was always Mans fleſh raw;
Which all o'recharg'd and ſurfeted
With the Corruptions of the dead,
With Belches thick and peftilent
So well perfum'd the Element,
That not a Bird which thither flew,
Or fought to make its paffage through,
But with a fudden Meagrim took,
Fell down into the fatal Brook :
For with a Brook, or rather Lake,
'Twas ditch'd about, whoſe waters black
Bred
?
Book VI.
35
VIRGIL Traveſty.
Bred only poys'nous Efts and Toads;
'Twas hedg'd about with gloomy Woods,
Which ſpreading root where waters flow'd,
Like Forreſts in the Sea they ſhow'd.
The air within, fo fayes the ſtory,
Was like a Syrup, thick and glorry,
Which with a poys'nous dew beſmear'd
Th' Infernal Barathrum's black guard,
Eneas, who for his own ends
Was always making Gods his friends,
(For he that will be good Stat-holder,
Muſt be Divine as well as Souldier)
Before the mouth of diſmal hole
Three Heifers brought, as black as coal :
A Trooper theſe, half Prieſt, half Barber,
With Backfword than a Razor ſharper,
Sans Waſh-ball ſhav'd, twixt lugg and lugg,
Which made 'um look more gent & fmugg.
They were not trimm'd, to go to Play,
Nor ſee their Miſtreſſes that day;
D 2
But
36
Book VI.
MARONIDEs, or,
{
}
But t' have their throats cut, while in Tray
The bloody ſtream
pours life away.
Eneas in his zeal fo hot,
With Sword or Skean, it matters not,
Of curled Spaniels with black hair,
Inſtead of black Sheep, kills a pair:
For there are two things moſt an end,
Love and Devotion, very blind.
To Hecate were Heifers flain,
Of Heav'n and Hell She-Soveraign,
While Prieſt invoking Tawnie wench,
Mumbled his Pray'rs in Pedlars French.
The Spaniels kill'd by over-fight,
One he prefents to Madam Night;
The other to her Siſter Tellus:
And fearing ſhe ſhould have the yellows,
(For Goddeſſes and Parfons Wives,
Mind their punctilio's more than lives)
To Proferpine a little after
He gives black Taurus only Daughter,
Who
Book VI.
37
VIRGIL Travesty.
Who though fhe had been Bull'd long fince,
Had neither Calf, nor yet Mifchance;
For women then, for all their freaks,
Lov'd bellies better than their backs;
There were no two Exchanges then,
That women made, by marring men,
Elfe Marrow-bones and Brifket-Beef
Had been poor toyés for Pluto's Wife.
Pluto whofe turn muſt next be ferv'd,
So long the rule has been obſerv'd
To pleaſe the women firſt, and then
By their affiſtance pleaſe the men;
Had Puritan ne're learnt this Lecture,
Old Nol had never been Protector,
But why, Eneas, why fo civil?
#
What Cloth and Napkin for the Devil?
Quo he, there's none great things muſt han-
If they can't hold the Devil a Candle. (dle,
That many ha' done
ha' done; then why not I
Hold Trencher to his Sov'raignty?
D 3
There's
2
t
}
'
38
MARONIDES, or,
Book VI.
There's nothing loft by flatt'ring Prince,
By double double-diligence.
The Devil in Cuerpo ſet to dinner,
They ſet before Grand-Vifier finner,
All the Beaſts Entrails wafh'd but meanly;
For they were more devout than cleanly;
Yet left his appetite ſhould fail,
They gave him Muſtard, and Train Oyl.
Eneas tamely Trencher fhifts,
Adding obfervance to his Guifts.
Pluto, the Devil and all at Tripe,
Layes on, like man that beats his Wife:
But having fill'd ungodly gut,
The crouded wind ſeeks paſſage out;
So loud a thundring.Fart broke forth,
As ſbook foundations of the Earth
Avernus yells, the Mountains amble,
The Ocean roars, and Forreſts tremble;
The Tanners Dogs they fall a howling,
And Trojan Peers their Hoſe befowling.
It
Book VI.
39
VIRGIL Travesty.
It ſeems the Devils Wind-mufick playd,
To uſher in Cumaan Maid;
For foon as his Recorder ftopt,
Like Wolf in Fable, in fhe popt.
Be gon, ye Sons o whores, quo fhe,
That credit neither Jove, nor me:
Get ye from hence, e'en to Bengall,
Or elſe the Devil confound ye all;
For you, Sir Knight, draw forth kills-a-dog,
And get ye gon to Houfe of Magog.
Pull courage up without brown ſtudying,
And boldly ſtand to thy pan-pudding.
This faid, as mad as Hare in March,
She flung within the diſmal Arch.
Eneas now o're fhooes o're boots,
One leg before another puts,
Where he could not fee for his guts :
In one hand holding truſty Sword,
Either for fnick or fnee prepar'd;
With t'other, Witch by Petticoat.
Ꭰ 4
Great
ሓ
*
740
Book VI.
MARONIDES, ðr,
{
Great Hogen Mogens, (thus faid Maro,
Praying for himſelf, and not for Hero)
That in Hells Belgick Provinces
Put human Souls in Little eafe;
To talk and prate, now grant me wit,
Quicquid in Buccam veneritz
Strange hidden myft'ries to unlock,
And ſtories of a Bull and Cock;
And to relate, though not in Non-fenſe,
A ſtory fouler far than Johnſons.
If any one denyes that this
腻
​Is Virgils meaning, let him kifs
Eneas, as before I faid,
By Waſtcoat held Cumaan Maid.
The Hero made not too much hafte,
For well he knew, that haſte makes waſte,
His tayl between his legs he claps ;
His fplay-feet make Iambic ſteps:
Sometimes he treads on Witches heels,
Which made her curfe his Sparables:
Some-
Book VI.
41
VIRGIL Travefty.
3
Sometimes he makes, for fhe was tall,
With Noſe in Arſe, a demi-fall.
Virgil, no Chriſtian, but a Sarazen,
Brings here a Heathenish Compariſon,
Saying they wander'd without light,
Like men that wander in the Night ;
Through Woods and Forreſts up and down
By light uncertain of New Moon;
Which the, more dark to render, fhrouds
In a black Vifor-mafque of Clouds;
While Pitchie night fo hoodwinks eyes,
They can't diftinguifh wood from trees.
Though fome that in theſe latter times
Virgil out-wit for fence and Rhimes,
Say he would have done better far
With Candle and Extinguiſher:
But had he took the fnuff to boot,
In focket ſeeming fometimes out;
Then brifkly darting forth a flame
More glorious than Eneas fame,
H'had
MARONIDE s, or,
Book VI.
H'had ſurely been Poetarum fummus,
Beyond the claws of drolling Momus ;
But whether it were dark or light,
What's that to you, fo they went right.
No fooner Witch and her Companion
The cold Infernal Transilvanian
Kingdom approach'd, but there he ſaw
Sorrow, as pale as Oaten ſtraw;
Attended by a thouſand Cares,
That ſtreight came buzzing 'bout his ears:
They in their eyes all holding fingers,
Star'd up like Bucks beholding Strangers.
Next, Death and Sleep at tables end,
With face 'twixt folded elbows lean'd,
Sate fnoaring loud as City Watchmen.
Diſeaſes more then Jews or Dutchmen,
Had next to theſe a wide Partition,
Within the Regions of Perdition.
Among the reſt French Gonorrhea's,
Were very courteous to Eneas.
Eneas
Book VI.
43
VIRGIL Travefty.
Eness pull'd Hat o're his eyes,
Afraid of their diſcoveries,
The next they met with, were the Souls
Of doting, ill-tongu'd, babling Fools,
By Leachery to Age-conducted,
Whom Fear with weak fupport protected.
Fear, Want and Hunger lead; both theſe
Wil make men ſwear theMoon's greenChefe;
For, for bad Counſel th'have no fellows,
Friends unto none but to the Gallows.
Quoth Hero then, Dear honey Witch,
I fcratch methinks where't does not itch,
With that ſhe ſhew'd him hairie Crupper,
Of drowfie beetle-headed sopor,
And dreadfull Toyle, as you may confter,
Far uglier than Serini's Monſter,
With theſe a many diſmal dozens
Of Mothers, Fathers, Uncles, Coufins;
All Hypocrites transform'd, that thought
Wry mouths and faces Heav'n had bought;
That
}
44
%
MARONIDEs, ur, Book VI.
1
That outward Saint, and Devil within,
Was th'only Fullers-earth for fin;
That Durant's Waſh-balls could not ſcowr,
Like Malice ſteep'd in a long Pray'r.
Thouſands of Amorous-Billet-Carriers,
Cupids Fox-dogs, or rather Terriers ;
Deep Orange Molls, and Midwives Deputies,
That for the Love-fick ne're want remedies,
My Ladies Secret-keepers, Maids
In fhew, but over-ridden Jades.
Both ends exhaling juſt alike,
Like Porters foul Tobacco-pipe.
Proud Pedants, old Arfe-whipping Dunces,
That nothing know but make great bounces;
Great Thieves that hang the little ones;
And Dice-makers of Debtors bones.
She brought him then into the Stieş
Of Grilly black Eumenides :
Whofe Snakie Curles, and Viper-wiggs
Had Baftwick worn, 't had fav'd his luggs:
Where
Book VI.
45
VIRGIL Travefty.
Where Discord lay, with Dane-red hair;
Such fights were ne're at Southwark Fair.
A little farther ſtood a tree,
If you and Rider can agree,
A perfect Elm, whoſe Fruit exotick
Were only dreams of wild Fanatick;
Of hair-brain'd Sects Enthufiafms,
Diſturbing-Church-and-State Fantaſms:
The Frut was Chymift idle traſh,
With Lockiers Pills, and Trigs Hog-wash:
The Gums within for all things mighty,
Spirit of Salt, and 'lixar Vita.
For Berries it was wondrous happy,
For of the Berries men make Coffee.
Under the Branches, wot ye well,
When it rains Dogs and Cats in Hell,
The ſhelter'd Centaurs roar and yell;
Mounted on Monkeys, with their tayls
As cloſely ſhav'd as back of nayls.
Of Dragons a moſt hideous Rout,
}
Whofe
1
46
MARONIDE S, or,
Book VI.
Whoſe teeth like Lyons whelps hung out.
Three headed Geryon's horrid Race,
With every one a Serjeants face.
Fierce Gryphons all with armed gumms,
More terrible than Sheriffs Bumms.
Gigantic Jaylors, men of Fury,
Briareau Turnkeys, Heav'n fecure ye.
Of ſtrange Chimara's infinite ſhoals,
With Gorgon's heads upon their tools.
Of Harpyes, or of Scolding Whores,
Some twenty thousand thouſand ſcores.
Theſe villanous Countenances there
Made bold Aneas pifs for fear.
He laid his hand upon his hilt,
And on his brows pulls down his Felt;
Defend me now, quo he, dear Hanger :
But Patient Griſel ſtops his anger;
My Friend, quo ſhe, theſe Hobady-boodies
Are but fantaſtick, airie bodies,
Not to be flic'd like reaking Capon,
And
Book VI. VIRGIL Travesty.
47
And therefore Son put up your weapon.
His rage for this was much the ſtronger,
Though fome believ'd, 'twas rather hunger.
Quo he, now finding Victuals proper,
I'le have a Gorgon's head to Supper;
With that he ſtrook fo fell a blow,
That had he hit, I know what I know.
But having miſs'd, his Princely nofe
Lay equal with his Princely toes.
At Sybils feet there lay Eneas,
Damning like ten Penthefilea's.
What means, quo he, my curfed Steel,
That I that ftrook, the blow muſt feel?
The Sybil with amazement fhreeks,
Shame take,quo fhe,your hair-brain'd tricks,
'Tis well y'have got a good Protection;
Elſe you might find a worfe Correction.
Quo he, I crave your pardon Madam,
I know my length now to a fadom;
For he, compounded, mente ſana,
of
48
Book VI.
MARONIDES, OT,
Of Fury and of Patience, Ana,
Misfortune knew as well to flatter,
As with reproaches to befpatter.
Quo he, 'tis well it is no worſe,
They that want Coyn, muſt ſhit in purfe.
This brunt thus over, they paſs on,
To gloomy banks of Acheron.
The mud that little pleas'd their noſes,
Smelt neither Jelfomines nor Roſes.
The reaſon why you do not hear,
Th'had any mind to angle there.
To this ſweet ſtream belongs a Ferry,
One Charon Maſter of the Wherry :
A beaſt of a moſt pleaſant ſtructure,
As by his ſhape you may conjecture.
His viſage ruſtie Pot-hooks hew,
Was neither black, nor brown, nor blew.
He wants no mirrour when he dreffes,
But when he kembs his matted Treffes,
He only ufes ftead of Comb,
H's
。 Book. VI.
49
VIRGIL Travefty.
His four great fingers and his thumb,
Sometimes bedaub'd with wiping Bum.
The fweat that drops from brows fo beftial,
His Beard receives with joy Celeſtial.
A Coco Nut like thread within,
Without cream'd over like a ſkin :
Which like a Leather Bottle hangs
Down to his breaft from place of Fangs.
Inſtead of Girdle, round his reins
A Linſey-woolfey Gown he chains :
He's lean, but ſtrong as Hercules;
(For Gods are always what they pleaſe )
There's ne're a Gally-flave in Sally,
When Pizzle notches back like Tally,
That pulls fo ſtrong, nor works fo hard
Yet nor for fear, nor yet reward.
Millions of Souls early and late,
Continually at Ferry wait ;
Poor Souls that having bodies loft,
Look like fhorn Squires in Blankets toſt,
E
Of
5.0
Book VI.
MARONIDES, or,
Or poor Whores pumpt in time of Froſt.
Higgledie piggledie, Whore and Chaft,
The Mifer and the man of Waſt ;
The Atheilt and the Puritan,
The Beggar and the Gentleman;
The frolick Slut, and wilfull Maid,
With ſtrings and collars Apes to lead.
Have you e're ſeen in month December,
(I am deceiv'd, 'tis in November)
The wither'd Leaves how thick they lie,
Cov'ring the Fields both far and nigh.
Or have you e're in Summer feen
The ſwarms of Flyes both black and
green
I think if any would but count 'um,
The falling leaves would not furmount 'um;
Or like the fhoals of Teals and Ducks,
In Winter haunting Streams and Brooks;
Of fimiles, here you ſee's a feaſt,
And therefore take which you like beſt,
For even ſo the Souls do throng
To
Book VI.
51
VIRGIL Travesty.
ž
To Ach'ron, day and all night long.
For know at Charons Temple-ftairs
'Tis always Term, and ſtore of Fairs.
Were all that damn'd noiſe-making croud
But there, they need not bawl fo loud
Next Oars, next Sculler, happy He
Could get a Boat for his money. (knows
But this fame cross-grain'd Rogue, that
There's ne're a Boat but what he owes,
Seeing 'um come as thick as Hops,
He hunches fome, and fome he flops,
Not caring where his Stretcher lights ;
The more they beg, the more he flights:
And more then that, there he muſt ftand
Were he the beſt Lord in the Land.
Eneas though he could not eafe 'um,
Of tantum croydum, tantum preſſum,
Quoth he, Fair Dame what is the meaning?
Quoth fhe, all froppiſh terms refraining,
All theſe that here your Worſhip fees,
E 2
Are
52
Book VI.
MARONIDES, or,
:
}
Are fuch as could not pay their Fees
To Clark nor Prieft, nor Bell to toll,
And fo were thrown in any hole:
Poor Souldiers that in flying Tombs,
Lye buried in the Vultures wombs.
Others were murder'd, fome devour'd,
By Wolves and Tigers over-power'd ;
And all that for theſe many Luſters
To feed the Whales have gon in Cluſters:
And all that having hither ſtrayd,
Their Earthly reck'nings left unpaid.
But chiefly, thoſe were carry'd to Church,
Leaving their Sureties in the lurch.
Theſe are to have no reſt in Hell,
Till it on Earth with Bones be well.
They muſt attend a hundred years,
With Chatt'ring teeth, and Frozen ears:
Like More-hens and Didappers hid,
On ſhores of Styx they muſt abide ;
That Styx fo fam'd by All the Nine,
រ
Hell's
1
Book VI.
5
VIRGIL Travesty.
Hell's Danow, or th'Infernal Rhine:
By which the God that idly fwears,
Is Pillory'd and forfeits ears.
How Gods became fo fuperftitious,
And Devils carefull of the vitious,
Or rather to their bones propitious,
You
may go aſk thoſe Poaking Criticks,
That fearch Clofe-ftools of Metaphyficks.
Theſe things thus laid in Hero's diſh,
Eneas ftood, mute as a Fish:
Like Merchant dampt with fudden lofs.
Then making more then one large Crofs,
(His wonted Zeal recovering heat }
Quo he, this Penance is too great,
And with the Devil's leave unjuſt;
For who'd not rather bones and duſt
Should in a good warm Coffin lic,
Than be expos'd to open ſkie?
But what cares he what Laws he makes
For others, that himſelf all breaks?
1
E 3
As
54
Book VI.
MARONIDES, or,
三
​As thus he'd needs, not knowing why,
Put finger in the Devils pye,
'Twixt rage
and pity, mild and waſpiſh,
He ſpyes Orontes and Licaſpis ;
Not more concern'd for lofs of Lives,
Then lofs of Hells Prerogatives:
Both drown'd at Sea, and by that flaw,
Within the laſh of Satans Law.
To ſee fuch Friends was no fmall grief,
And he was fearching for relief;
But ere he well could rommage Fobb,
His grief receives another bobb:
For juſt at hand fee Palinurus,
Shrugging his ſhoulders, Heav'n fecure us,
All o're bedaub'd with mud and gravel,
With nothing rampant near his Navel.
Dear Friend,quo he, what mak ft thou here?
And art thou too a ſufferer?
Has Phœbus thus turn'd Cat in Pan?
Yet late he told me, Perjur'd man!
That
Book VI.
55.
VIRGIL Travefty.
That thou wert fafe as Thief in Mill,
And briſk in Seas as Conger Eel;
Should'ſt in a while arrive again
With us in Fields Aufonian :
Shame on his Harp and glittering hide,
Yet ne're before to me he ly'd.
Tell me then which of all the Gods
Thus dipt thee in the Brinie Sudds:
Some thin-foul'd Deity, Pox rot him,
I'le pawn my life, fome Foot boy got him.
Poor Palinurus anſwer'd, Sir,
Ye talk juſt like a Mad-man, for
The Gazett never told more truth,
Than did the bright Latonian Youth.
No god drown'd me, the Devil a bit,
Only your tongue runs fore your wit.
To tell you truth, I know not which
Was heavieft, my head or breech:
For either head my tayl out-weigh'd,
Cr elfe my tayl o're-poiz'd my head:
E 4.
Though
2
哈
​56
Book VI.
MARONIDES, or,
זי
Though moſt too blame I head believe;
For tayl could ne're ill Counſel give.
Howe're 'twas, in I dropt I'me fure,
Sleep catching me, as Mofs caught Mare.
When I was in, I boldly ſwumm,
And but for Fiſh that nipt my Bum,
(Although I'de rather been at Steerage)
I neither loſt my hope nor courage.
At length with many Salt bedablings,
And fome affronts of Neptune's Crablings,
I got afhore, and thought no harm,
When Lucan Dogs about me ſwarm ;
And for my Cloaths, not worth a groat,
With Savage fury cut my throat:
And then with a Good night Old Toby,
Into the Sea they flung my body.
Thus came I here, nor better, nor worſe;
Lay Saddle then on the right Horſe.
Now then by all the Light on Earth,
By the fair womb that brought thee forth,
If
Book VI.
57
VIRGIL Travesty.
If Lucans ere in Corn be found,
Be fure thou put 'um in the Pound.
As for my felf, what fhall I do?
I blufh to beg, though't be of you;
And would I ſteal, they're poor as Job;
And had I Gold, I ha' ne're a Fobb.
Oh pity then my weary bones!
You know I was your Pilot once;
Though by a fatal one time erring,
Now neither Fiſh nor good Red-herring.
You burnt Miſenus, oh burn me,
For I am cold as February.
Or if it be, as people dream,
That you are paffing Stygian ſtream,
Great Emperor of Living Souls,
Take my cold paw in your hot golls.
Let Charon with his Stretcher ſtretch me ;
If I let go, the Devil fetch me :
That fo at length your Humble Mourner
May reſt in Satans Chimney Corner.
Ene as
*
1
58
MARONID E S, ør,
Book VI.
Eneas fain would have been civil,
But --- Marry Gap, quo frumping Sybil,
You are too hafty, Gaffer Blow-noſe :
Old Dotard you miſtake the way;
The way to Hell is not through Sea.
Becauſe your Captain has got leave
To paſs the Acherontick wave,
(A thing has coft five hundred Marks,
To Secretaries and their Clarks)
You think that Fate muft change her Laws,
All in good time, for your cold Paws?
Shall Hero loſe his time, and money,.
And all to pleaſure ſuch a Ninny?
Friend ſtay your time; yet this is fair,
I'le fend ye Irish Ruggs a pair:
And this I fay, to chear your heart,
The Lucans fince, and thank me for't,
Have wiſh'd their Stones in a cleft ſtick,
When they fo rudely broke your neck.
I fent your Ghoſt to walk among 'um,
Till
ર
Book VI.
59
VIRGIL Travesty.
Till they were ready to bedung 'um:
And plagu'd 'um with a Wiltſhire Drummer
Till they were forc'd to ſcowr and ſcummer·
To pinch their Maids I fent my Fairies ;
And made their Pewter dance Canaries.
Your Body they ſhall burn eftfoons,
And in a Pipkin put your bones,
And bury't in a Stone-horfe Mixen,
(They'd better do't, then
anger Vixen)
This Mixen they ſhall wall about,
To keep the Hogs from Revel Rout,
And plant it round with Sycamores ;
And when that's done, the Sons o' Whores
Shall call it Palinurus Hill;
And then you may go where you will.
Good Palinure contented thus,
Made a low legg, and hand did bufs.
Eneas gave him a French Crown,
And lent him an old Indian Gown ;
And ſo they parted as they met.
To
360
Book VI.
MARONIDES, or,
i
To ſtream as black as any jett
At length they came; for fear of fall,
Hero held faſt by Fardingale,
When Charon faw 'um, without flatt'ring,
Hoarfe as a Riggol, Beard befpatt'ring,
Quo he, What Don Quixot comes here
Where only ſhades of men appear?
What Princock Knight with Sword and
So boldly dares to Boat advance? (Lance,
What if the mighty Hercules,
That was a man all Aloes,
What if the mighty Pirithous,
1
And Thefeus once did o're-crow us?
That fell a hacking with their Backſwords,
Cutting my Iron Chains like Whipcords:
Yet got they not, with their bravado's,
Sheer in, without ſome Baſtinado's.
Fellows more like in Taverns bred,
Then at the Gods own Tables fed.
Such rude Belſwaggers, all Pickt-hatch
Nor
Book VI.
61
VIRGIL Travesty.
•
Nor Bear-garden did ever match.
One, Cerbr'us took by all his Tayls,
And knockt his three heads 'gainſt the pales.
Another, cauſe he but cry'd Ur
'Twixt Pluto's leggs thwackt the poor Curr.
Another hearing Proferpine
Was in her Chamber Lying-in,
Run rudely up, breaks down the door,
Crying, I'le claw your tayl, ye Whore.
But Proferpine beftirr'd her claws,
And with her Busk fo mark'd his jaws,
Beſides fome luftie Crupper kicks,
(For fhe had always her Jades tricks )
As quickly cool'd his Martial vigor.
Pluto to me was full of rigor,
And bated me a Quarters wages,
All for the feats of thofe Salvages.
Therefore, Sir Knight, return I fay,
And ſeek Adventures where yon may;
By Pluto elfe I'le comb your Coxcomb,
་,
í
1
With-
62
Book VI.
MARONIDES, or,
Without an Ivory or a Box-comb.
Ye mangie, ſtingie Friar Bungey,
Like teſtie Sexton on a Sunday,
Who do you ſpeak to? quo the Sybil,
This Gentleman's a worthy civil
Well-ſpoken man, befhrew my heart,
As e're was wrapt in Holland Shirt:
He's no Swaſh-buckler, nor no Ranter,
Nor drunken Park of Whetstone haunter :
The ſweeteſt Natur'd loving Chuck,
That ever handled Ladies Smock;
And therefore t'en't your Copper fnout
Shall keep the Squire Eneas out;
Nor ne're a Turdy Jack-in-Office,
The beſt of y' all, take you good notice.
Aneas more compos'd in mind,
Gravely, quo he, my honeſt Friend,
If you regard not gentile afpect,
Nor of my Cloaths the Velvet profpect,
(And yet I know, that Lace and Garters,
Weigh
1
Book VI.
63
VIRGIL Traveſty.
Weigh very much with Ld. Mayors Porters)
If good behaviour, good report,
Good breeding be not worth a Fart;
What think ye of a merry Spanker?
Quo Charon, then I'le weigh my Anchor.
With that the gentle Monfieur fhews
His golden Pippins, and his Bows:
At fight of which, the driveling Lubber
Could nothing elſe but grin and ſlabber;
With fuch a force ran Rhumie ftream,
That you'd a fworn it a Mill-dam.
When drivel once would let him ſpeak,
He made a bow, made Chine-bone crack
A fcrape like Sergeant to a Judge,
Would ha' fet Caſtletons teeth an edge.
May't pleaſe your Worship Squire, quo he,
So many Prineum Prancks there be,
Pretenders to Gentility,
While every Tom, and every Dick,
Struts in his Ribbons upon Tick;
;
That
64
Book VI.
MARONIDES, or,
That, an't like your Worship,men of Worſhip,
Like to your Worships Worfhips Lordfip,
That worſhip mifs, which an't like your Wor-
We elſe ſhould give to true Senorship,(Ship,
An't pleaſe your Worſhip, I have ſeen
A Taylor like your Worſhip fine;
Now Lord and Taylor ſwear a like,
A like be-rogue us, then we ſtrike;
(ble
For an't pleaſe your Worſhip, how is't pofli-
Poor Slaves like us, ſhould be ſo docible
To know a Taylor from a Lord, (Sword.
Same Cloaths, fame Lace, fame Belt, fame
Alas! an't pleaſe your Worſhip, we
Have nothing elſe but the bountie
Of men of Worſhip, ſuch as yẹ.
I hope your Worſhip will pafs by
What I have done unmannerly;
Your Worſhip knows that in our places,
We cannot well diftinguiſh faces.
Then turning to the Croud; quo he,
Pox
Book VI.
65
VIRGIL Travesty.
Pox take your bawling throats for me,
I le make this day a Holiday 3
I'le carry not one more I fay,
Unleſs the Squire's good Worship, and
His Lady Mother, by this hand.
All that were in, he then turn'd out,
૩,
And with a Mopp he wafh'd his Boat;
Ye fix-penny Jades and Rogues, quo he,
What! go with Perfons of Quality?
Two Cuſhions then of Taylors thrums,
He fetcht to eafe their tender Bums;
Set up his Back-board very ſpruce,
And brought out Tilt, for fear of uſe :
For I ſhall be upon the Fret,
Quo he, to ſee your Worth p wet.
Now being feated in the Boat,
He lent the Lady his old Coat,
Who preſently ſet up her throat;
And reaſon good, for the thin Wherry
Accuſtom'd only Souls to Ferry,
F
COF
'
66
Book VI.
MAHONIDES, or,
(Of which ten Mitions, th'are ſo light,
Make but a pound, and that Troy weight;
Five thouſand, fay the Criticks quaint,
Will ſtand upon a Needles point :)
Now with a brace of Bodies preft,
One all in Armour Back and Breaſt,
And Life-guard Boots up to his twift,
With Golden Pippins pocket full ;
The other a fat boffie Trull,
Whoſe Buttocks weigh'd full out a Stone,
Setting aſide her huge Ache-bone.
The Boat I fay thus prefs'd with weight,
In twenty places 'gan to ſplit :
t
'Twas time to fqueek, for Lady watchet
Car'd not for Styx fo near her Placket.
Eneas feeing wave fo high
Of Stygian Ink, began to cry
'Slife, we ſhall drink it by and by.
The Ferry titter-totter went,
And therefore in a Complement,
He
Book VI.
67
VIRGIL Travesty.
He gripes, for fear of tumbling in,
The Arm-holes of his Swatterkin.
Charon from one in t other extreme,
In humour ſtill as foft as Cream,
Quo he, Fear nothing gentle Monfieur,
My life for yours, both ſafe anon Sir;
'Twas as he faid For Stygian Lands
And Stygian Ferry ſtreight ſhake hands.
Eneas nimbly ſkipt afhore;
But the fat lazie Sybil whore,
Whether her feet were wet and cold,
Or whether 'twere that ſhe was old,
Or whether Hero, now a fot
For joy, his Manners had forgot,;
But how it came it matters not,
For come it did, and thus it come,
That she fell down and fhew'd her Bum :
Up flew her Coats, as fhe fell down,
(She'd better ha' given half a Crown)
Diſplaying pair of Nafty Buttocks,
F 2
Yellow
68
Book VI.
MARONIDES, or,
Yellow as Gold, but black as Pot-hooks.
The firſt was only Afcititious,
A certain Treacle, fcarce delicious,
Bedawbing Fortune-tellers tail,
When heart in Boat began to fail.
The latter was their natural hue:
Eneas feeing goodly fhew,
Was prefs'd to laugh; but yet for fear
To Lady laughter fhould appear,
Held fingers juſt before his Noſe,
Like Maids when men Trapſtick diſcloſe.
Eneas taught by this diſaſter
All was not Gold that made a gliſter,
The reft, like man of Education,
Buried in mental refervation.
Hard by,not ſtrew'd with Bawm nor Fennel,
Was Cerberus's naſtie Kennel;
This Curr was Proferpines Lap-dogg,
She comb'd and flea'd his horrid fhagg ;
Yet feeing chief of Trojan Peers,
The
Book VI.
VIRGIL Travesty.
69
The Songs he fang were not Laneirs ;
So loud the furious Monſter bayes,
Hell eccho'd with his fa-la-la's.
But Madam, who knew all the flights
That Coblers ufe, when Mad worm bites,
By prudent forefight, in a Bottle
Had brought a Poſſet of a pottle,
Of Opium made, and Gunpowder,
Sweetned with Honey for the Curr.
He had no fooner lickt it up,
But down he fell in Kennel, fwopf.
Quo Hero, when that fame he faw,
Now for the nine points of the Law,
I mean poffeffion; and with that
He flew to ſeize upon the gate.
And thus, the Suburbs paſt, they got
Into Hells City by a Plot.
For make but an old Bawd your Crony,
You'l make the Devil a meer Tony.
The firſt fad founds their ears falute,
F 3
Were
70
Book VI.
MARONIDE s, or,
Were Infants cryes that were not mute ;
Such as had been, to ſave expence,
Chriſten'd and Buried both at once,
In Privies drowned by the Mother,
Who fhame to hide, the Children fmother,
Next there were fome in years, confin'd,
Whom Juſtice, or the Judge as blind,
Perhaps becauſe he was no Scholar,
Had in his Liquor hang'd, or Choler.
And all that had been made Anatomies,
By Perj'ry brought to ſay their Litanies?
All your vain-glorious Heads of Factions,
Plot-wrights, and Weavers of Diſtractions;
(Who, cauſe on Earth ſo turbulent,
To Hell in halters had been fent :)
All Heirs of Kingdoms hugger-mugger'd,
And private ones by 'xtortion begger'd:
To Minos they lay ope their breaſts,
Chief Master of the Devils Requests;
He takes a note of all their Crimes,
Examines
>
Book VI.
71
VIRGIL Travefty.
Examines how they ſpent their times,
Takes their Petitions and their money,
And all to cleanſe his back-fide honey:
For why, Great Dignity requires
Such men as he ſhould wipe with Quires.
Many a Splitter of the Law,
Traytors to Clients, there he faw.
Revenge is ſweet, for now the Rats
Th'had ſtarv'd before, feed on their guts;
While Injur'd Client, their green Baggs
Beftirs about their Leathern luggs.
Like the Sea-Sands in numerous fhoals,
Next were diſcover'd Female Souls ;
Such whoſe infatiate furious Luft
All bounds of Modeſty had paft;
Such as would have their buſineſs don,
Although the Hen-peckt Fool look'd on ;
While Gallants come in Kinfmen's fhape
The hot Adulterefs to jape:
Now
every one tormented lyes,
F 4
Long
܂
72
Book VI.
MARONIDES, OF,
Long burning Charcoal 'twixt her thighs;
All forc'd to ſtir, by Fate's commands,
The flaming Dildo's with their hands,
Next theſe a crew of Sullen wights,
That only 'cauſe the Maggot bites,
Will needs take Pepper i' the nofe
'Gainſt their own lives;ftreight Richard
goes
And Tompson kills; he that ſcarce dares
Fight a dead Rat, a living fears.
Cheap Bravo for a Boatle Scotch,
Shall his own throat, like Tally, notch.
'Mong theſe were feen the muddie frie,
So much in Love, they love to die;
That having miſs'd the flower of Briſtol,
Nothing will ferve but Sword or Piſtol:
Or wanting ftab in ſtabbing part,
Will needs go ftab her ſelf to th' heart.
Among the crowd of theſe mad Martyrs
Was Phedra, hang'd in her own Garters.
Fair Procris that did fobb and roar
For
+
Book. VI.
VIRGIL Travesty." .73
For death of fwinging Blackamore.
Euadne all in Mulligrubbs
For her ſpruce Uſhers gingombobbs.
Pafiphae with broken heart,
For a meer Bull's engendring part.
Érifiphell that for a Locket,
Had cuckolded the Grecian Prophet.
Laodamia for a Porter
So fad, that nothing cou'd comfort her.
Ceneus that had both Sexes try'd,
But now, cauſe ſhe was neither, cry'd.
How Virgil elſe came to think of her,
It paſt my Learning to diſcover,
Among the reſt, to Hero's grief,
Was Dido fmelling like Hung-beef:
For from the Embers of her nock
There iffu'd ftill an ugly fmoak.
Eneas would have rather ſeen
The Devil and his Dam, I ween:
Had I, quo he, ten thouſand Dunns,
&
I'd
74
Book VI.
MARONIDES, or,
I'd rather met 'um all at once.
But when he ſaw no lurking place,
He fummons up his Brazen face ;
Madam, quo he, would I were damn'd
If you don't make me quite afham'd:
Yet Faſhion of the world is fo,
When turn is ferv'd, then kiſs my toe;
Though when I heard of your miſhap,
And how you dy'd of fuch a Clap,
I ſearch'd my Breeches, fure quo I,
Eneas, thou wer't not guilty ;
For I am ſound as any Roach,
If you miſdoubt, try t’other touch,
O then quo I, brim full of woe,
I'le follow her where e're ſhe go;
And had I now not lov'd ye well
Think you I'de e're ha' come to Hell?
Only to viſit gentle Dida,
So help me Jove, and bright Cupida.
Think you that I ſhall e're forget
The
'
Book VI.
75
VIRGIL Travesty.
The many good meals I have eat?
How I in Kitchin rul'd the Roaſt,
And for a Haſh but over-fauc'd,
Have churn'd the Cook till from his Bum
I made the yellow Butter come,
At board thus entertain'd, at night,
O Heav'ns! what charms did me invite!
And think you I'de ha' left my poking
So like a Nick-a-poop for nothing?
Oh Madam ſomething 'twas no doubt,
Cat winkt when both her eyes were out,
By all the Stars, by thoſe above,
If any truth on Earth do move,
I had not left your ſweet Embraces,
Had not the Gods, fhame take their faces,
Hurri'd me thence, like man that tarries
In fear of Sheriff's Janizațies.
They laid their poxt commands upon me,
Bid me be gon, or they'd ne're own me,
Did you but know what tears I fhed,
Re-
76.
MARONIDES, or,
Book VI.
"
Remembring kindneſs of your Bed;
How many nights I ſpent to frame
Forc'd Anagrams upon your Name;
How many Barks of ſtately Aſhes,
My Knife has hack'd with Love-fick flaſhes,
All in remembrance of your thighs,
You would not fay, I tell ye Lyes.
Whither fo faft? ftay gentle Dame:
But Dido feeling still the flame,
Fierce as a Scold to Ale-houſe come,
To fetch her drunken Husband home,
Gave him a look, that through eye-hole
Pierc'd from his brows quite through his
Troubled no more at all his moan, (Pole;
Then Magnet Rock, or hard Flint-ſtone;:
But making Horns, and letting Fart,
Away fhe dings from old Sweet-heart:
For fhe had got another Booby,
Sychaus hight, to jerk her Toby.
Eneas glad the form was over,
Wip'd
Book VI.
77
VIRGIL Travesty.
Wip'd from his cheeks the flibber ſlabber ;
For though he outwardly did grieve,
Yet inwardly he laugh'd in's fleeve :
Beſhrew my heart, the Lybian ſtorm,
Quo he, ne're did me half the harm;
For I have fweat and cry'd fo much,
I'me e'en as dry, as Wood call'd Touch.
From thence he came unto the place,
Where muſter'd lay the Martial Race :
Such as make Frays to force young finner
Into a Compoſition Dinner ;
Or urge the Duel, to provoke
The promiſe of a Chamlet Cloak.
Captains and Majors, huffing, ſmoaking,
Confounding, damming, drinking, joking;
Ratling the Dice,while thred-bareSword-man
Cryes out, a third man, hei --- a third man.
They talk'd of nothing elſe but flaſhing,
Cutting, hacking, hewing, fwafhing:
Leſs was the noiſe when Bajazet
And
78
Book VI.
MARQNIDES, ör,
And Tamerlain's two Armies met.
!
Their very tongues were all Backfwords,
Their mouths were Canons, Bullets, words.
'Mong theſe Parthenopaus hight,
And Tydens eke, that furious wight;
Adraftus too, that at one blow
Cut fixfcore Greeks heads off arow♪
Among the reſt Moll Cut-purfe mingled
They lov'd her, 'cauſe her Pockets gingled.
Streight he perceives his old acquaintance,
Not talking tittle of Repentance,
But over their half-pots of Ale
Telling this ftory, and t'other tale.
Collonel Glaucus, Hacker mighty,
Sarpedon buzz'd with Aqua vite :
Antenor's Sons, and churliſh Medon,
That if the Drawers vext 'um, flead 'um.
Terpfitochus, and Polibetes,
Both good at blows, but not for Treaties:
A Car-man durft as well be poxt
As
Book VI.
79.
VIRGIL Travefty.
As ſhew his face, when they were foxt.
Old Priam's Coachman next appear'd,
With Livery, Whip, and yard long Beard;
For Maſters fake, they cry'd, debauche man,
Quo they, Love me and love my Coachman.
All theſe had Helen's tayl fent packing,
while they maintain'd her wanton fmacking.
Captain, quo they, come take a Noggin;
But he reply'd, I muſt be jogging:
His tears began to fall like hail,
To fee the jerks of woman's tail
So many men in ſuch diſgrace,
And all for a Whores piffing place.
At length among the Greeks he ftruts,
Brave Agamemnon and his Trouts;
Who hearing ſuch a fearfull racket
Made by the Here's Iron Jacket,
They fell a staring like Red Deer;
I'the Devils name, quo they, what's here?
Hero advances ſtill, but they
Fling
80
Book VI.
MARONIDES, or,
t
Fling down their Armes, and run away ;
Dead Lions durft not fhew their face,
When living Dogs are in the place.
They knew how guilty they had been
Of thraſhing his Celeſtial ſkin,
And thought he now would pay their ſcores
For all his bruifes and his foars;
Or elfe make them his Bills diſcharge
For Surgeons Salves, and Doctors Purge:
Which they might well expect to be
Long as a Spaniards Pedigree.
Elfe why ſo fearfull, more then others,
Is that which Virgil wholly fmothers.
Streight he efpyes th' Illuftrious
And high-born Prince Deiphobus,
Clad at the rate, to ſpeak impartially,
Marſhalſey
Of the poor Pris'ners in the Marfbalfey:
His Noftrils of their fleſh bereav'd,
(And then the cauſe is ſoon conceiv'd )
Shew'd you his Memory'sLodgingChamber,
}
His
Book VI.
181
VIRGIL Travesty.
His head, that once you might remember
For Comlinefs exceeded many-a-one,
A tawnie bald St. Omers Onyon.
Nothing but ſtumps of Armes remain'd;
His brows with clotted gore beftain'd:
And for to ſhew that for no good
He oft had in the Pillory ſtood,
Men from his head had ſhav'd his Ears,
As cloſe as death had ſhav'd his hairs.
Aſham'd of theſe his miſeries,
He turns his Arfe to Hero's eyes;
Ah dear Deiphobus, quo he,
What Sons of Whores thus mangled thee?
Do they thus pinck in this fame place
The top of all the Trojan Race?
Had Car-man daſhd my Linnen cleanly,
I would have us'd him more ferenely.
If 'twere the Surgeons roguerie,
Say who it was, I'le make him flee
His Country and his Pedigree.
G
I
1
:
2
तुम
J
82
MARONIDES, or, Book VI.
I thought thee dead, but not fo mangled,
As they had for thy Members wrangled.
I fearch'd among the flaughter'd rout,
But fince I could not find thee out,
I built for thee an empty Tomb;
(come.
Call'd thy Ghoft thrice, but 'twould not
The Monument ſtill bears thy Name,
Thy Armes are fafe within the fame;
If uſe at any time do crave 'um,
Send Foot-boy for 'um, you may have 'um.
Dear Lord and Maſter, how am I
Endebted to your Courtefie;
Thus Deiphobus did reply:
I am affur'd 'twas not your duty
T'oblige a man not worth your ſhoe-tie;
alas! a Bed may lye,
But you,
Your Name is up for Charity.
You know how I in a Fegary
Muft needs that charming Pifs-tail marry :
Why ſhe it was, that Whore my wife
!
That
Book VI.
VIRGIL Travesty.
That robb'd me of my fame and life.
Wou'd Jove, that trod in ſhape of Gander
The Gooſe her Mother, Hell confound her,
Had had his pate flic'd by fome Poulterer;
How Paſte would ha' become th'Adulterer!
Or had fome Spaniel fuck'd the Eggs
That hatch'd her hanfome face and leggs:
I had been happy, miffing Spouſe
Fit only for the damn'd Gal-lows.
O that that day the Hangman Prieſt
The Nuptial knot had there made faſt !
For the laſt night, poor I did fnore
In the falfe bofom of the whore, -
The Grecian Mare, without the help
Of Midwife, did our ruine whelp.
This Jade not ign'rant of the Plot,
On top of all the Houſe had got ;
*
And there pretending great Devotions,
With Flambeau, made defigned motions;
Thereby, like a difloyal Spittle,
*Poetical
licence may
excuse the
expreffion.
Hoping
84
Book VI.
MARONIDES, UT,
+
Hoping to pleaſe th' enraged Wittal.
This was not all, but in the Night,
Pretending how ſhe went to ſh
She takes my Armes and truſty Scymetar,
And hides 'um in the Earths diameter:
For there they had as good ha¹ been,
As not at hand, when Foe came in.
Then in her Slippers and her Smock
Down ſtairs ſhe goes, doors to unlock ;
While I loud fnoaring like a Pigg,
Weary with humming her black guigg,
Was ftreight furpriz'd; and being furpriz'd
Difarm'd and naked, haſh'd and flic'd
Juſt as you fee: that scoundrel Baſtard
Vlyffes, feeing me fo maſter'd,
Faint-hearted Dog with all his art
Heart'ning his Hounds to tear my
heart:
Thus I came here, difmembred creature,
Having no fubſtance, nor yet feature.
But you
whoſe Armes do both'environ,
Like
Book VI.
85
VIRGIL Travesty..
Like Heater hot in Smoothing-iron;
What makes you come fo like a Fool,
Like unbid Gueſt, without your ſtool.
Quo Hero, Friend give you an inch,
And rudely you an ell will pinch:
You are too faucy, not now living,
To aſk th' affairs of the furviving:
Nay I muſt tell
ye, men alive
Grow irkfom, when inquifitive.
Quo Sybil, weary of his chatting,
{
What will you never leave your prating?
Muſt I ftand waiting here thus weary,
To hear your tales of Canterbury ?
While you with every Shackatory,
Stand holding idle Goffips fory;
Behold how faſt the Sun Caroaches,
At Amesbury to tipple loaches:
Within this hour in Plimouth Bay,
He'l bid good night to Southern Day:
For I can tell, that ne're uſe Watches.
G 3
Here
86
Book VI.
MARONIDES, or,
Here you may fee, if eyes be matches,
How the road parts three feveral wayes;
Why ſtands your Grace in fuch a maze?
That which the right hand doth diſcover,
Directly leads to Pluto's Loure;
T'Elysium this the path doth fhew,
Whither, God willing, we muft ga.
This laſt leads to the Common Jayls,
Foul Caverns made for Criminals,
Where thouſand gluttons back and tayls,
By rugged Hangmen full of rancour,
Are ſcourg❜d untill their Buttocks canker,
At this rebuke poor Deiphobe,
Having receiv'd fo dry a bobb,
Like a young Beggar twice deny'd,
His tatter'd members went to hide :
Elfe, fure as he was void of life,
Sybil had pull'd him by the Coife.
As he was marching, mumbling low,
Heav'ns profper ye, where e're ye go,
1
With
Book VI.
87
VIRGIL Travesty:
E
With better luck then mine, dear Friend,
To bring ye to your Journeys end.
As Hero caft a Sheeps-eye after him,
Curfing the Rogues that did ſo ſlaughter
Behold a Caſtle large and wide,
With Adamant Bulwarks fortify'd.
(him
In vain the Gods themselves might think,
Although in guts a Tun of drink,
By piffing all together there,
To make a pin-hole in a year,
About it Phlegetontick ftream,
Whoſe waves are a Sulphureous Cream,
That with a horrid roaring rowls,
Inſtead of Sand, o're burning coals,
This Caſtle is fo wondrous high,
(Now Devil help me with a Lye)
That up t' Infernal Roof it marches
Twelve hundred thouſand million Perches,
And would the Verfe have giv'n me room,
It ſhould have gon beyond the Moon.
G 4
Juſt
88
Book VI.
MARONIDES, or,
:
Juſt at the Gate an old Hagg ftocd,
With Dowlafs Smock all over blood:
No Porter to a Fav'rite Lord
Was ere ſo fell, upon my word,
Whoever comes, he has a Clubb,
With which ſhe gives him pockie rubb;
Tis bad being Knighted with her dubb;
For fhe'l not wear a Porters Gown,
For fear of cumb'ring her Batoon.
Her Girdle only fit for murder,
Like Twiſt of the Francifcan Order:
A certain knottie Cat-a-nine-tails,
With which ſhe ferks the poor fouls entrails,
A ſtrange confuſion fill'd the place,
For Bolton bates 'um not an ace )
Of cutting,hacking, hewing,flapping, (ping;
Chains ratling, thumping, bumping, ſtrap-
Hands-wringing, fobbing, fnobbing, howl-
Lamenting, fhrieking, cater wauling. (ing,
Eneas ftood, fo did his hairs,
R
Having
Book VI.
89
VIRGIL Travesty.
Having for fear forfook his ears.
Quo he, what means this horrid garboyl,
That thus my dropping loins doth parboy!?
Haſt thou here brought me, with a witneſs,
To get my bane by Sweating-ſickneſs?
May't pleaſe your Honour then, quo fhe,
When my good Miſtreſs Hecate
In love and kindneſs eke, ſo fervent,
To me as to her eldeſt Servant,
*
Of Cloſet, Cellar, and of Pantrie,
Made me her truſty Governante
Of all my Maſter Pluto's Tacticks,
I foon got Theorie, and Practicks,
Here Tyrant Rhadamanthus reigns,
Furnish'd with Scourges,Racks,and Chains:
Domitian, Julian, Turk, nor Tartar,
Were e're fo cruel by a quarter;
No common Dutchmen in a Hurry
Did ever rage with fo much fury:
For Hangman He, and Judge like them,
* Locis præ-
fecit aver-
nis.
Doth
90
Book VI
MARONIDES, or,
Doth execute, and then condemn.
The Inquifition and Scotch Claffis,
To Rhadamanthus are but Affes ;
Continually both day and night
They hang, and drown, and flea, and flit ;
And toaft, and roaft, and broyl, and boyl,
And puff, and huff, and toyl, and moyl;
And draw, and faw, and chop, and mince,
While Bodies roar, and kick, and wince,
From Caſtle ſome in Barrels rumble,
Re-mounted ſtrait for t'other tumble;
And ſkins to be re-flea'd, moſt true,
Ere they can whet their knives, renew,
The fire with natural fury fumes,
It burns, but body ne're confumes; (mers,
When gridled fleſh like bright Cole-glim-
Like Smiths they thrash it with their Ham-
And having fopp'd it in the water,
Return it back, without a Ha-Cor.
Yet left they ſhould be diſcontented,
(mers;
Tor
Book VI.
91
VIRGIL Travesty.
Tormentors are alike tormented.
More cruel then, than Whipping Tom,
The Jew Tifiphone doth come,
And with a whip of twiſted Snakes,
Of howling Convicts claws the backs;
The Snakes take hold at every flaſh,
And bring away a gobb of fleſh.
Then cruel bands of Sifter Imps
She calls, all flat-nos'd, blear-ey'd Pimps;
That with their Frumps and Alley-gibes,
More pierce poor Souls than with their
All this doth Rhadamanth behold (ſtripes.
With heart, like that of Mistress, cold;
Smoaking the while a whole Patacco
Of gridled ſkins, ſtead of Tobacco.
The gray Enchantress ſcarce had ſpoken,
When, Bounce
the Brazen-gates flew
See there,quo fhe, i' th' Devils name,
Thoſe fifty heads that vomit flame.
Quoth he, that fight I don't admire,
鄞
​(open.
I've
L
92
Book VI.
MARONIDES, or,
*
I've ſeen a German vomit fire,
Quoth fhe, this Beaft ycleped Hydra,
Of this fame Garrifon fo wide-a
Is th' ever-waking Sentinel;
And fo indeed the may be well;
For one head fleeps, while t'other watches,
That there's no 'ſcaping of her Clutches.
There's Tartarus, pray mark it well,
Deſcending down as deep in Hell,
As 'tis from Hell where Jove inhabits;
A hundred thouſand thouſand Cubits,
t
Down at the bottom of this pit
Titanian Boys their fingers bite;
For theſe ſame ſhatter-brain'd Snap-dragons
Would needs ſcale Heaven in their flaggons,
So thick and threefold up they go;
But Jove had a good friend below,
That prudently fo order'd matters,
That with a jerk he turn'd the Ladders.
The two Alcides, topping Roysters,
That
1
Book. VI.
93
VIRGIL Travesty.
That ſwore they'd make the Gods eat Oy-
The ſhells and all ; and cauſe that they(ſters,
Refus'd fuch Scoundrels to obey,
They in a fury without flattering,
Heav'ns orient windows fell a battering,
With Stones as big as their own B-
And thoſe, they ſay, were juſt like Hillocks
There lyes Salmoneus, that Bravado,
Half Morter-piece and half Granado;
With Peaſe and Beans he cramming guts,
And guzzling Bottle-Ale in Fats;
>
(der;
Loud thundring Jove thought to out-thun-
But Jove with Seed of Coriander,
Forcing the wind more fiercely out,
At his own weapons beat the Lout.
And there the Devil of a ſinner,
Another Lobcock, juſt like Venner,
Hog-Mogen Tityon lyes in ftate,
Cov'ring at once a Knights Eſtate.
Tis an ill wind blows nothing good,
For
94
Book VI.
MARONİDEs, or,
3
}
For lo a Bird of rav'nous brood;
By the fair Shift upon his breaſt,
Makes a continual Sheriffs fealt:
And now the fool finds his Minority
Well taught for kicking 'gainſt Authority.
Ixion with a ſcabby Nutt,
With Juno needs would go to Rutt ?
Juno at firſt was well content,
Till finding heat of Excrement;
Traytor to all the Gods, quo fhe,
Had ye no Whore to Clap but me?
With that Jove took him by the Navel,
And flung him head-long to the Devil.
There Pirithous lyes, and why?
Becauſe he gave great Jove the Lye:
In Poud'ring-tub, as in a Vault,
All cover'd over with Bay-Salt.
There Tantalus with fmall content,
Is forc'd to keep perpetual Lent:
A greedy ſhameleſs hungry glutton,
薯
​Tor-
Book VI.
95
VIRGIL Travesty.
Tormented worſe than Ruwart Putten.
He robb'd Jove's Pear-trees, in his breeches
Carrying away his Plumbs and Peaches:
And always fo be-plagu'd his Pantry,
As forc'd him there to fet a Centry.
At length Jove caught him with a trap 3
And now he has the fad mishap,
Always to ſee a Table ſpread,
(Bread;
Good Beef, good Wine, good Cheeſe, good
But when he reaches to the Sauce,
A huge great Fury raps his
paws.
Here Haflerigg and Pym lye clofe,
Juſt fo deluded in their taſt,
For fetting up Seditious Faft.
With them in the ſelf-fame condition
Are Paraſites, men of Perdition:
Your fcraping fmell-feaſts lye with theſe,
All full of mites as mouldy Cheeſe:
With Sons to Parents diſobedient,
Lye Stepdames, a moft vile Ingredient:
A
96
Book VI.
MARONIDES; or,
j
A certain vip rous Animal,
Which if Hell han't, 'twill have 'um all.
Many a Country-man of Lot,
Ye cannot touch 'um, they're fo hot,
Much troubled with the Piles, for which
With liquid fire they 'noint their breech.
There Thefeus fits, and fhall fit there
Untill his Arfe grow to the Chair:
For Pluto cares no more for Thefeus,
Than we for Cloſe-ſtool where we eaſe us.
Now like a Saint there preaches Phlegius,
His Sermons long, and very tedious:
Juſt ſuch as Country Parfons make,
The people, few or none awake.
Fear God, he cryes; 'twas
very well :
But to what purpoſe faid in Hell?
There to make Sermons fo Divine,
Was but to caſt Pearl before Swine.
See here, quo he,
what is the matter?
A man that would ha' f
his Daughter:
Nay
Book VI.
97
VIRGIL Travesty.
น
Nay if the Tony once confeſs,
Let him be hang'd; that's a plain caſe.
The Lapitha l'ad quite forgot,
Yet they lye there too piping hot :
Theſe were a fort of bold Horfe-riders,
That hated Centaurs juſt like Spiders;
And to fay truth, of former times
They were the Guelphs and Ghibellines.
With theſe, in like predicament,
Ill Neighbours lye, that Freys foment;
Back-biting Goffips, never well
But when they have a tale to tell.
Men that make right to left hand fkink,
Drunk by themſelves, for love oth' drink.
Litigious Parfons, ftill in Law
For a few Apples, or Tithe-ftraw.
All that in Pulpits fow the Seeds
Of tumult, and of broken heads ;
Among the reft there lyes in fetters,
The Chief of English Rogues, Hugh Peters,
t
H
With
98
Book VI.
MARONIDES, or,
7
With neck awry, and ſhav'd below,
After the Turkish mode, I trow.
Of later times they ty'd his tongue;
For what with Pray'rs and Sermons long,
And Rad'manth's Tyranny to boot,
H' had like to ha' made a heavy rout. (one
There headless Vane, that ne're did value
Lyes belching Difcord and Rebellion.
Here Harriſon doth howling keep,
That Rhadamanth can hardly fleep; (tails
Which grim Judge hearing, fends his bob-
To comb his tawnie ſkin with Hob-nails.
There Scot lyes moping, poifonous Weefels
Gnawing his fingers to the griftles;
For taking Sermons with ſhort-hand,
And all the while his P— would ſtand.
There Bradshaw lyes, in a Symarr
Of burning Canvaſs, lin'd with Tarr;
With Quartan Ague wyar-drawn,
As fmall as tender thread of Lawn:
For
Book VI.
99
VIRGIL Travesty.
Forwch they give him draughts of Brimſtone,
In flaming oyl thick crum'd with Limeſtone.
See
ye another lying there?
Whofe fleſh a hundred Furies tear
With red-hot Pincers, while the gap
With liquid glaſs is ſtreight fill'd up.
His limbs thus ordered, by and by
To fix wild Horſes tails they tye,
Which they, his lafhes well remembring,
Now rend and tear without diffembling;
For to fay truth, there's fcarce an hour
But that they ſhift his pangs fo fowr:
For why, they hold it neceffary,
His torments like his crimes to vary.
This is that Devil of a Devil,
Whofe Noddle was the Mint of evil,
Cromwell himself; Gyants, to him
Did but like Rats the Gods contemn;
He, hundred-hearted Briareus,
Did murder Jove in his own houſe:
H 2
And
100
Book VI.
MARONID E'S, or,
1
And then ufurp'd his God-like power.
Not far from him, the Houfe call'd Lower
Of late inteſtine Diſcord-hatchers,
1
A race of Saint-appearing Leachers,
Lye buried in the fearing flames
Of twenty thouſand thouſand Reams
Of Ordinances, Votes,and Orders,
Petitions flighted, Bills for Murders,
Huge Volumes of Smectymnuus,
With Civicus, Britannicus,
And Walker's weekly Legend-ſtories,
Pil'd upon heaps of Directories.
Should I relate the horrid Crimes
All punish'd in thefe horrid Climes,
Twould aſk ten thoufand Goffips tongues,
And twenty thouſand Midwives Lungs ;
A wind fo laſting, to out-puff
Swift Jemmy, or the Croyden Chuff;
Or elfe to weary thirty ſcore
Long-winded Parfons, and ten more;
John
1
!
1
Book VI.
IOI
VIRGIL Travesty.
John Lilburn's bawling Eloquence,
An idle Player's diligence,
A Canons voice, a Scullers note,
And Buy my quartern o' Gudgeons throat,
Sybil with thefe Hyperbolies
Half tyr'd, quo ſhe, let this fuffice
Concerning fuffering Criminals;
And now behold thofe Iron walls
By Suffex Cyclops rear'd fo high;
If I can fee 'um let me dye,
Quo Hero then; but ſhe replyes,
What muſt I find ye walls, and eyes?
Come, come quo fhe, give me your hand,
Let's haſten to our Journeys end ;
Take
up your heels, and run a bit,
With head a mile before your wit.
He that in theſe dark holes of Hell
Sees his Nofe length, ſees very well;
But, quoth Æneas, for all that,
I wiſh I had the eyes of Cat,
*
Z
1
H 3
I
102
Book VI.
MARONIDEs, or,
en
I mean like thine, for Cat or Witch,
Are but the fame, like Jews or Dutch.
With that ſhe leads him a dog-trot,
Holding him by the you know what,
Untill he came to wall fo good,
Where pot of Holy-water ſtood.
Eneas wafh'd his beard and
eyes:
R
And then, where's Proferpine? he cryes:
I've for her here a diſh of Codlins,
(lins:
Which I have brought through all the Gob-
But a bold Swiss, with Ale half dizzie,
Told him in plain terms, ſhe was buſie;
For ſhe had been all night at Gleek,
And would not riſe to every Dick.
The Sybil call'd him fawcy Jack;
But Switzer bid her kifs his nock:
Quo Hero then, 'twas here the God
Commanded me to leave my load;
And here I'le hang it on a tack:
If here it hang when I come back,
I'le
Book VI.
10%
VIRGIL Travesty.
१
I'le carry't home, and then your Princeſs
May e'en go hang for want of Quinces.
This having faid, and done his duty
To the great Mauritanian beauty,
They came to the capacious High-lands,
That always look like Summer-Iſlands ;
Trees always green, and full of Cherries,
The Fields all cover'd with Strawberries,
So luſcious;
Juſt like Pomewaters on my
and then for their growth,
oath.
Their common bread is Naples-bifket,
And all may have it, that will afk it:
For there be no deceitful Bakers,
Nor no exacting Comfet-makers.
For Children, Sugar-Flums and Cakes
Within their reach grow upon Brakes,
Here no expenſive Longing Wives,
Shall Husbands weary out o' their lives ;
No this I want, nor this I lack,
Can bring a Merchant here to break;
H4
For
1
$
Z
<
104
Book VI.
MARONID E s, or,
For women here have what they pleaſe,
All the year long green Fruit and Peaſe:
All clad alike, no differences
Of richer Poynts, t'inrage their fences
No Taylors fancies, night and morning
To ſpoil their Pray'rs,and caufe heart-burn.
Nay I am told, nor can deny it,
(ing;
As th' only means to keep 'um quiet,
That Gowns as brave as any are,
On ev'ry hedge grow common here.
No Maids for want of Portions tarry,
But being all handſome, quickly marry:
Let 'um eat Chalk, or Cinders here,
Tis all fo good, they're as they were.
Then what need Prentice rob his Maſter!
Lad do but afk here, and thou haft her.
Men never purchaſe Honours here,
Nor need to lace their Names with Sir ;
Not an Attorney to be ſeen,
Neither the Temples, nor Grays-Inne :
No
Book. VI.
VIRGIL Travesty. 105
No formal Dunces hither come,
With Sermons ſteep'd in Opium:
No Rhumes the Lungs of men invade,
Requiring Pierce, or Buckworth's aid:
No plaiſter'd Poſts, nor boaſting Quacks,
To ſet your bodies upon racks :
No 'ftrologers with Schems and Tables,
And heav'nly Popes-head-alley baubles:
No Vintner here his Wine debaufhes
With rotten Eggs, and thick Moloffes.
Their Hedges here are Roſemary
And Lawrel-trees, that never dye;
Their Bowrs are ſweeteſt Eglantine,
Or else the always-clufter'd Vine.
And in the Dog-dayes, truth to tell,
They bath in ſtreams of Muſcadell.
On backs or bellies all can fwimm,
And dive when e're it pleaſes them:
And if their appetites be ſharp,
(Carp;
Put but their hands down, there's ſtew'd
Or
+
1
1
106
MARONIDES, or,
Book VI.
1
Or elfe as they their whiſtles vary,
(For longer ne're they need to tarry)
Whole fhoals of Salmons ready dreſt,
With Trout and Perch ſtreight make a feaſt
If Fowl they want, with Bird-calls ftreight
(For Nets are out of faſhion quite)
Down come the ready roaſted Quails,
Pheaſant and Partridge, Ducks and Teals.
The Buftards fhie, their ſervice offer,
Together with the wary Plover.
What pleaſure they on Earth affected,
Here they may take it, uncorrected,
According to their feveral fancies;
They that love reading, read Romances:
They that love wraftling on the Graſs,
Give Girl Green-gown, then clap her Arfei
While others on the Ruddie Sand,
With Manlier innocence contend.
Some read the Queen of Navarrs Novels,
While others are for Maſques and Revels :
Maids
'r
Book VI.
107
VIRGIL Travesty.
Maids treat their Sweet-hearts with Sack-pof-
(Not ſtollen from theirMiſtreſsCloſets)(fets,
With Damfon Tarts, and clouted Cream,
While mirth advances wanton Theam:
And then to Queſtions and Commands,
And ſmutting pretty face and hands.
They that love eating, eat like Midwives;
They that love drinking, drink like Fiſh-
The Hunter hunts,the Bowler bowls, (wives.
The Archer ſhoots, the Droller drols;
The Singer fings Tra nony nony,
They neither pleaſure want, nor money:
In brief, they fing, and dance, and laugh,
They fleep, and toy, and feaſt, and quaff.
'Nothing but Gaming is forbid,
Caufe lofs of money makes men fad.
There Thracian Orpheus, fo well known,
In a long painted Indian-Gown,
To his Theorbo's and Guittars,
Sings Lames's and Ned Colman's Airs.
There
1
Ic8
Book VI.
MARONIDES, UT,
There fits Ben Johnson like a Tetrarch,
With Chaucer, Carew, Shakespear, Petrarch,
Fletcher and Beaumont, and Menander,
Plautus and Terence, (how I wander?
Horace, and Cowley with his Miſtreſs;
And d'Amboife now quite free from diſtreſs
With Chapman ſpends his merry days.
Then shirley brought 'um fome new Plays,
And then a while they chew'd the Cud;
Till D'avenant in a gen'rous mood
Brought 'um whole loads of Love and Honor:
For you muſt know 'tis not the manner
To write new Plays in this fame place ;
And reaſon's plain as noſe in face:
For why? there be no Malefactors;
Or ſhould they make 'um,there's no Actors;
Yet th'are good reading, 'cauſe they ſhow
How ſtill, affairs on Earth do go.
Quo Hero, what make Poets here
That us'd on Earth to drink and fwear?
Quo
0
Book VI.
109
VIRGIL Travesty.
Quo fhe, good Sir, you are too baſe,
To grudge 'um thus a refting-place;
Wits fo Divine, that never Ilium
By many furlongs yet could fellow 'um:
Therefore though Heav'n may feem too
I'm certain Hell is much too bad. (good,
Where would ye have 'um then,Tom Tottie 2
Beſides, to fhew your humour fnottie,
Who made theſe ftately Fields I pray?
Who planted all thefe Groves but they?
And ſhall you venture to difpofe
The ſweat and labour of their brows?
Go on, Tom Fool, and view the Gang
From whence your high-born Worship
Now keeping merrier Chriſtmaſſes (ſprang,
Then Earth could e're afford 'um: thefe
Were Ilus and Affaracus,
And Troys first founder Dardanus,
All in lac'd Coats of Scarlet Chamlet ;
And with them, Prince of Denmark Hamlet.
>
Put
•
ito
Book VI.
MARONIDES,
or,
;
But why comes he fo out of feaſon?
While ye have Rhime, ne're afk the reafon.
There fees the Son of Venus bright
Their Spears in ground fix'd bolt upright;
And ſtately Barbes difpers'd abroad,
Cropping the Flowers that Fields do load;
Embroider'd Saddles to behold,
With Bitts and Stirrups all of Gold.
Here certain Points and Queſtions nice
About thefe Horfes do arife ;
Whether theſe Horfes fhit or no,
What fcent, and colour, if they do ;
Whether each Horfe have not a Groom,
With Cloſe-ſtool to receive perfume:
Or whether it be no difgrace
For Horſe to dung Elyſian graſs.
For which I fhall referr ye well
To one, if any one can tell,
I mean the learned Zabarell.
Thefe Horfes were for Chariots ſome,
And
Book VI.
111
VIRGIL Travefig.
And ſome to jolt the Riders bum:
Some only let their horſes trott,
Though ſtronger backs made 'um curvett ;
While Miſtreſs looks and much admires
Her warlike Champion in his geers.
There's great St. George, as in the Medal,
With Dragon, fram'd by art of Dedal,
So made, as foon as George comes nigh her,
To ſpit and ſputter Squibs of fire.
St. George he takes a furions courfe,
The Dragon fpits, away flies horſe,
Leaving St. George upon the Grafs ;
The ſport of many a pretty Laſs.
Poor Sabra ty'd in jeaſt to tree,
Begins to doubt her Liberty:
But George unhors'd will not give out,
(Which caus'd the Sign, St. George a-foot }
To Dragon then he comes anon,
And with his truſty Blade layes on,
Till all the Squibs being ſpent and gone,
Poor
112
MARONIDE's, or, Book VI,
-
Poor Dragon lyes dead as a ſtone.
To Sabra then away goes he,
And Garter which ty'd her to Tree,
He ſtreightway tyes above her knee.
The antient men with hairs fo white,
Old ſtories of their youth repeat;
But chiefeſt tales are of their Wenches,
Paring their nails upon blue Benches.
Hard by the Banks of pleaſant Poe, (flow,
Which through a neighboring Wood doth
Live ſuch as for their Countries good
Have loft their fortunes, and their blood;
Bold Cato's, ſuch as would not fear
To waken drowfie Princes ear,
Although they made him Treafon hear.
In near adjacent Lawrel thickets,
All your great Scholars, blithe as Crickets,
Together live, whofe noble parts
Firſt fill'd the World with uſeful Arts :
With many a midling merry Prieſt,
Not
Book VI.
137
VIRGIL Travesty.
Not quite fo ferious as the reſt,
Such as Parishioners lov'd well;
Would tope, yet knew their tales to tell;
That rather took then offer'd wrong,
Moral in heart Divine in tongue.
That ne're could flatter to be great,'
Contented with a little feat.
Some Cardinals, and Popes a few,
That followed all the light they knew:
Some Monks and Friars, not ſo furious
To count all but their own Sect fpurious
Who though not fit in heaven to dwell,
Are yet too good to live in Hell.
Moſt true Hiftorians, that with Lie
Ne're ſtrove to blind Pofterity.
Quo Hero then, but who are thoſe;
With meager chops and thread bare cloaths
Thofe are a fort of Dromedaries,
On Earth yclyped Antiquaries;
Who having all their Earthly Terms
1
I
Con-
114
MARONIDES, or,
Book VI.
1
Convers't fo much with bugs and worms,
Liv'd pity'd here, only they wait
On those that foard a loftier hight;
With their own books of little uſe,
To wipe the nobler Schollars fhooes.
Herodotus though much at eaſe
Attends upon Thucidides.
Curtius for flandring Alexander,
Is Saluft's chief Varlet du Chambre ;
And Joins with his vain Romances,
Thuanus's Amanuenfis.
Caufinus with his Holy Court.
Thought to have liv'd in better Port ;
But Suttle Tydor fpoil'd his plots,
For daubing ſo the Queen of Scots.
And had not Conftantine been juſt
For his Encomiums upon truſt,
To make him Page of his back-ftairs,
He might have gone and ſhak'd his ears.
All theſe of ſtrangers fpying brace,
Stran-
་
Book VI.
VIRGIL Travesty. 115
F
Strangers in habit and in face,
Like Bees began to flock about.
At length appears among the rout
Old Grandfire Greybeard, whofe upholders
Were a tall Fellows luſty ſhoulders.
This man that lookt like Knight oth Shire,
And brought for their Interpreter,
Was hight Muſeus, Courtier much,
For your Love writers all are fuch.
Madam, quo he, whom here d'ye peep for,
Is he a Lodger, or Houſe-keeper?
With Courtefie low, the Witch reply'd,
I fearch for one, that need not hide
His head for treaſon, nor for debt;
An Aldermans fellow, if not yet
Himſelf the Alderman of his Ward ;
Anchifes is his name, great Bard.
Where is his houſe, I pray ye now?
Six pence I'le give, for Boy to ſhew.
Old woman, quo the reverend Bard,
I 2
Whereas
116
Book VI.
MARONID E s, or,
我
​You pofe one with a queſtion hard;
We have no houſe, nor houſhold goods,
But Tartar-like, live in the woods.
The Rivers bank is all our bed,
And verdant me ads with flowers befpread.
But you, if heart and will agree,
Surmount yon hill, by yonder tree,
Then all along a hedge of Roſes
Directly follow your own Nofes:
Truly, quoth fhe, through ſtrange devices
Here are we come to ſee Anchiſes ;
Not for his chear, nor yet his wine,
Nor for his Apricocks ſo fine,
But for to know what wo or joy
Great Fate intends his only Boy,
Who having foft place in his pole,
Craves wit from Fathers Jobbernole,
Then quo Mufaus on my word,
Iffo you pleaſe I le make a third
To lead ye, where in Saffron Frock
Ye
Book VI.
115
VIRGIL Travesty.
Ye foon fhall find out Bully rock,
To Poet Rampant Hero faid,
I take ye at your word, be dad;
And ſo all three together pace it ;
Firſt Poet afk'd what fays the Gazet;
For he was much for Novelties;
Eneas told him twenty lies;
And when he wanted,pumpt for new,
Which Sybil all averr'd for true.
While Hero thus did Poet dril,
At length they reach the top of Hill;
The profpect that it ſhew'd the eye
Through a ferene unclouded Skie,
So large and full of fpicie wealth,
As made Æneas blefs himself;
Then Quoth Mufans, there's your way,
Theſe are the bounds I muſt obey.
Quo Hero then, I oft have feen
In place like this, on Earth, an Inn,
If ſuch were here we would not part
↓ 3
}
With
(:
118.
MARONIDES, or, Book VI.
f
With dry lips thus beſhrew
my heart.
Muſaus gone they ſtare about
To try what staring could find out:
At length as far as eye could fee
They faw Anchifes by a tree;
For foon they find him by the fight
Of locks fo long and eke fo white.
He there was making mufter-roles
Of feveral troops of new coyn'd Soules;
That the next poft were to be fent
Each one to their Apartiment.
Some he defign'd for Earls and Lords,
Some to be ſtified ftreight in T-
Some to be Leaders of great Armies,
And ſome for Lazarill`s de Tormes;
He bookt their feveral Fates and ends,
With filver pen and fingers ends;
Firſt teaching them their ſeveral Leſſons,
On Earth to manage their Profeffions.
As foon as he beheld his Son,
With
Book VI.
119
VIRGIL Travesty.
With voice as loud as Red-coates gun,
And both his Arms a kimbo plac't,
Quo he, Long look't for's come at laſt.
With that his voice dropt from his teeth,
And tears rode poft to beard beneath :
Recovering ſpeech, ah, my Dear Son,
That has fo many Riſco's run,
Alas Ine're had hope to fee thee.
Eut that I well knew who was wi'thee;
Thy good old Friend Diffimulation,
And pious fhew of feign'd Devotion.
Well fare a Father, fuch as me;
Was ever Son bred up like thee?
I've taught thee firſt to cheat the Devils,
What next will Mortals be but trifles?
I knew, if thou wert wife and wary,
That my advice could ne're mifcarry;
Though not fo fure, Son, underſtand,
As now I have thee in my hand.
I fear'd left with a Carthage Bitch,
1 4
}
Thou
1
120
MARONIDES, or, Book VI,
1
Thou wouldst ha'made a rotten Match;
At that fame time a hundred times
I curs'd thee in good profe not rhimes;
Pox take my Son, Son of a whore,
Pardon the expreffion I implore.
Thou know'ſt 'tis given t'our Family
Sometimes to curfe as well as cry.
Then come my Son, thy Dad embrace ;
Come kifs the middle of my face.
Lets weep together for a wager;
Anchiſes cheeks that were ſo meager,
Like Fish-ponds ftreight did over-flow;
Aneas feeing him do ſo,
1
Wept on till he could weep no more;
That had it been a planked floor,
Th'had both ſtood anckle deep in tears.
Oh, quoth Aneas, tearing hairs,
Oh how I joy to ſee thoſe chops,
The lovely cauſe of all theſe drops!
His cheeks, who from my ſmall infancy,
t
Till
Book VI.
VIRGIL Travefty. 121
Till I was fit for Necromancy,
Not like a furly Pedagogue,
Whipping me like a Bridewel rogue,
But taught me more then verbs and nouns.
With words more ſweet then Mackaroones i
What act of valour have I done,
In paffing Styx or Acheron?
A Coward arm'd with duty would
Have forc'd, where I but brib'd the flood 5
'Twas duty brought me here, dear Father,
And rather than have fail'd I had rather
Hell had fall'n down upon my pate.
And ſqueez'd me like a Pancake flat,
But as I am your Son and Friend,
I pray diſpatch me out of hand.
My Navy lies at fix and ſevens
The Souldiers hungry all as Ravens,
And dare not ſtir a foot for vittles,
For fear of cut-throat Latine Spittles ;
And if I don't return with ſpeed
They
▾
122
Book VI
MARONIDES, or,
They'l think me gone to the Devil indeed.
* Methinks I hear 'um curfe already,
Without reſpect to Mam or Daddy,
Calling me Baſtard, you great Fool;
This faid, with beard like any pool,
Three times he ſtrove to embrace Anchiſes,
And every time, that's thrice, he miffes,
Hands off, quo he, as fowre as verjuice,
I'm but a fhadow at thy fervice,
In vain thou thinkft thy Dad to dandle;
For ther's no man can ſhadows handle.
Hero confus'd at this rebuke,
For grief at firſt was like to puke,
But preſently took heart a grace,
Quo he, Dear Father, what you pleaſe.
Down in a Valley's bottom ſtood
Fann'd by the wind, a mighty wood;
Hard by whoſe placid Manſion's ran
A River, that will make a man
Take but a Sup, I know not how,
As
Book VI.
123
VIRGIL Travesty.
As drunk as ever Davids Sow.
'Tis all a perfect Aqua vite,
But forty thousand times more mighty.
About it ſtood a vengeance prefs
Of people more than numberleſs.
Have ye e're ſeen a ſwarm of Bees
In a wild field of bloffom'd Peaſe,
Some fucking flow'rs', fome on the wing,
While all at bufie labour fing?
Juſt ſo about Lethean floud,
Thofe Souls in Sea-fand numbers ſtood,
They that but drunk a brandy cup,
Their heads fell down, their heels flew up;
Their memory loft, like drunken Sots,
Not to be mov'd out of Cart-ruts.
And yet ſo eager was their thirſt,
That cach one ſtrove who ſhould drink firft;
At Tunbridge fuch their crowding is,
For water for to make ye pifs.
Eneas in a peck of troubles
Began
124
Book VI.
MARONIDES, or,
Began to twinckle with his goggles.
Anchifes, who was in his life,
As futtle as a Cuckolds wife,
His meaning by his mumping knew;
Quoth he the Souls that there you view,
Are Souls whom Fate, to Plato kind,
With other bodies doth befriend.
Rather then one fo much her Minion
Should loſe the crack of his opinion.
And therefore here, o're head and ears
They cleanſe their Tripes from all the cares
Which they in former bodies had,
And all the pranks, that then they play'd,
That fo all former crimes forgot,
Like Souls new vampt, fans ſtain or blot,
They may return to fecond Lot,
1
May 't pleaſe your Grace with all fubmiffion
Theſe Souls are Souls of no difcretion;
Or elfe bewitch'd with mortal day,
To leave fo near to heav'n the way,
Το
- י
Book. VI.
VIRGIL Travesty. 125
To feek new forrows upon Earth,
That nothing elſe indeed brings forth,
It is a vain ſtupidity,
Or elfe, Dear Father, is't a lie?
To queftion of ungracious Child,
Anchifes fhew'd himſelf more mild.
Quoth he, ye fimple Doterel,
Speak like a Clerk or not at all 3
But you profound Terreftrians
Believe that all your Geefe are Swans,
When all your babling idle Stories
Are but the talk of Pothecaries.
Hero abaſhed at Fathers taunting,
Pull'd in his horns without more vaunting.
Then like an Orator, Anchiſes ;
Suttly unfolded ſtrange devices;
Quo he, Dame Nature is a woman;
That breeds beholding unto no man:
From womb of this Hermophradite
Did all theſe children come to light,
The
126
Book VI.
MARONIDEs,or,
+
•
The Sun and Moon, the Stars, the Earth
The Woods and Ocean, and ſo forth;
Now Nature, that gives fuch to all,
And feeds the Univerfal Ball,
To ſpeak, like Virtuofo, fmartly
Is tot in tot,& tot in qualibet parte,
And Man is but a Lanthorn bright,
Where Natures candle giveth fight,
This candle thus in Lanthorn put,
Sometimes ſhines clear, and fometimes not :
If Lanthorns horns be clear and thin,
Then candle is more plainly feen;
But if the Lanthorns horns be thick,
This candle then burns not fo quick.
When candle burns with a quick fire,
From thence comes joy and briſk deſire.
But when it burns a t'other faſhion,
Thence grief, and fear, and other paffion;
But when this candle quite goes out,
Then Life extinguiſhes to boot.
This
}
Book VI.
127
VIRGIL Travesty.
This candle now, which is the Soul,
In Lanthorn ſhut grows thick and foul,
With it's own foot and filthy fteem,
But being waſh'd in Brimſtone ſtream,
And fok d a thouſand years in fulphur,
All the while ſcalding for Soules welfare,
At length it gains its orient luftre;
Then after fuch a tedious cluſter
Ofthick tormenting fryings, boilings,
Fierce fcaldings,roftings,gridlings,broilings
All in good time they are admitted
To take their eaſe being thus refitted,
In theſe Elyſian Fields; much more
To their contentment, then before.
To perfect all,here they come down,
And all their former forrows drown;
Loſe memory of death and hell,
As found again, as fiſh or bell.
So after qualmes men drink Strong-water
And pains forget in ſhort while after:
A
#28
Book VI.
MARONIDEs, or,
1
▲ pleaſant ſtory by this light,
Then quo the Son of Venus bright,
Now let me hang up for a ſign,
If from the fixth or feventh line,
(Or if you pleaſe to call it verfe)
I underſtand more then a horſe.
The reſt were Behmens Theologica,
Or Anthrosopophia Magica.
Either my Father ſpeaks obſcure,
Or I am a damn'd Dunce, that's fure
Quo he, what matters that, ye Kitling,
If you don't know then leave your twatling;
I thought to have made a learned Speech,
And fhewn your learning to your Witch,
By reparty's of Approbation;
And you to talk befides the Cuſhion!
Now what d'ye think, ſhe'l make report on?
But that your breeding was Hogs-Norton.
As thus Anc' ifes ftill walk'd on,
Maundring and jeering at his Son,
They
}
Book VI VIRGIL Travesty.
T29
They found themſelves, as in a cloud,
Wrapt in the middle of the croud,
Of them that drank and went away.
Ne're calling what there was to pay.
There on a hillock fate Anchiſes,
Like Pedogogue that buttock flices;
There as he fate upon a hillock,
Now fon, quo he, of bad and ill luck
I'le tell thee all that fhall be fall thee,
Now then, as if I were to maul the,
With ferula, hold forth thy hand:
For Palmiſtry is my great freind,
But ere I look upon thy hand
By Venus mount to underſtand,
Caſt your ſheep's eyes on yonder lad
In coat of yellow flannel clad,
Mounted upon a Hobby horſe,
That Youth, to ſhorten my difcourfe,
Is thy own Son, whom thou fhalt get
With fo much fury, fo much fweat,
K
That
**
AND
130 MA RONIDE s, or,
Book VI.
*
1
That thou shalt dye with Rem in re.
From whom, as branches from a tree,
Shall fpring Albanian Progenie.
His mother being fhepheards daughter
Shall call him Silvius, who foon after
His guts with melons over loading
Shall quickly give the Crow a pudding.
There's Capps Vex him, and he'l flap ye,
Brim-full of metal, but unhappy.
He both a Coyner and a theife
At Tyborn young, ſhall end his life.
Behold next him the Valiant Procas
At cards and dice a very Hocus,
But ſome body ſhall ſpoil his marriage,
By putting rats bane in His porridge.
And there ftout Numitor behold
Who ſhall be worth his weight in Gold.
Next him anot her doubtie Wight
Brave Silvius Æneas hight,
He, a true chip of the old block,
Like
Book VI.
131
VIRGIL Travesty.
Like thee', much given to the ſmock.
As horfe in Cart, with gentle pace,
One goes and t'other takes his place,
So fhall this team of Kings in Courſe
Succeed to thee their grand forehorfe:
All from thy Codpeice, in a row,
Coming a chicken a traintrow;
And though fomewhat to mothers pains,
They fhall be born withCrowns and Chains:
They ſhall build townes and Cities many
Nomentum and the faire Fidene
Drawing to them a Crew of rogues
With Cumin feed and roaſted doggs.
Twas eafie then to people Town,
E're men were tamely ty'd to one, (ing,
Conftrain'd to plow where need's no plow-
And fow where crop's already growing.
There cut and dry'd a foul remains
Lifting a tipto twixt the fccnes;
When Fate and time will call her forth
K ?
To
>
132
Book VI.
MARONIDES, ur,
1
To act King Romulus on Earth
He certainly ſhall be no fool,
Bred up in learned Vaulting School;
Begot by Mars under a hedge;
His life ſhall be a ſtrange hodge podge
Of very good and very ill,
He ſhall build Rome and 's Brother kill.
Behold how in his cap he wears
Two Capons tailes, by Father Mars,
As th' Emblems of diſtinction giv'n ;
To man fo much belov'd of heav'n.
This whimſical King defcended thus
By Mother from Affaracus,
Brave Trojan he, (and now dear Brat,
I hope thou 'gin'ft to ſmell a Rat, )
Shall wall inRome,the worlds great wonder,
Twice well preferv'd by Geefe and Thunder;
Deftin'd to Empire Sea and Land,
And when the can no more command
The outward body, fhall controul
The
Book VI.
133
VIRGIL Traveft v.
ป
The inward part of man,his Soul.
To this great Luck fhall much conduce,
Th'engendring tool of Romulus ;
So numerous ſhall be the Race
Proceeding from his piffing-place.
Like Berecinthia in the Fable,
As formal and as venerable,
As Laons Byſhop, or Prelate
Pretending to a Cardinals hat.
Have you e're ſeen, or if you e're did.
For my part, I am fure I ne're did,
How proudly through the Phrygian Streets
Her Flanders-Lyon teem curvets?
While ſhe with Steeple-crowned hat,
In Cart, on fack of beanfhels, fate,?
With wither'd arms a Kimbo plac't
On fardingale of aged waſte?
And all to fhew how good fh'had bin,
In her young dayes at in and In
The mother of a hundred brothers,
K 3
ว
And
1
3.
144
Book VI.
MARONIDEȘ, or,
2
1
And each one got by twenty fathers?
{
Oh Happy Pair, had long taile-Roman
Met Calve skin Breech of Phrygian woman;
From his great haunches fhall proceed
The Brave Inlus conquering feed;
Not flatter'd Cæfar, we defie him,
Let Virgil praiſe him that got by him:
For though men flatter living Princes;
They flatter dead, that want their ſenſes.
Wer't not in drollery, we knew how,
But there's no fubject for us Now.
Well quo Anchifes wee will put
In Cafars Rome Great Bajazet:
Or if his Name be Amurath,
It matters not a Tilers lath,
1
He lives and now I think on't, boy,
Lives either in, or clofe to Troy.
Or rather Conftantine the Great,
Who firit advanc'd the Papal Seat.
or though the man be in death s bowre,
Yet
1
Book VI.
151
VIRGIL Travesty.
J
Yet we may praiſe his living Power,
He though no Trojan, born how e're
Where race of Trojans ſeated were,
Reftor'd to Rome the golden Ages,
Enriching Popes, then poor as Pages
But hey-my boy, I have him now;
Lyes clofer layd the better fhow:
With my foules eyes methinks I ſee
Great Antichriſt,chief of the Three, (ther
He, whore, or whores bird chufe you whe-
Some fay he's both,ſome fay he's neither,
Romes Power ſhall far and near extend
Indus and Garamas beyond,'
The Cafpian Seas, Mæotis Lake
Dread the fierce noife his bulls there make,
There is a land, beyond the ſtarrs
Without the reach of Sun, or Years;
That's where we are, in Purgatory,
So great is here the Powerful hurrie
Of this Ecclefiaftick Cæfar
That
*།
t
1:6
MARONIDES, or, Book VI.
[
#
That he commands our lives and treaſure.
For ev'ry one here ev'ry minute
For his Church mufick pays him tribute.
Never Alcides with his Club,
That great Tereſtriall Belzebub,
Although the wind pipe once he fplit
Of monstrous Hart with brazen feet;
Though out of Arfehole once he tore
The Guts of Erymanthian Boar,
Or though he peirc'd with fatal arrow
Lernean Dragons back-bone marrow,
So many Earthly Gods or Princes
Orecame with his foul nipping pinches ;
Great Bacchus force, who thick as hopps
Drove Tygars down from Nyfa's tops,
And then made fuch a ſtir in Ægypt
To his great Power was but a flea-bit.
He that lookes there fo like a bard,
With Cap like yeo-man of the Guard,
Is Numa hight, firft Roman He
That
VIRGIL Travesty.
137.
That to the Gods did bend his knee,
He ſeeing all his Roman Brethren
To be a crew of perfect Heathen;
Reform, quo he, reform ye Varlets,
I'le find ye Laws, and Bowdie Scarlets.
And for your duty to the Gods,
I'le help ye too out of the fudds.
And then ſhall he, half King half Muftie,
Compile Religion, ruftie, tuftie:
Of prettie tables thirty pound
In ſweet Natales Comes found
Offormes a handful for varietie,
Pict from old Practices of Pietie.
Five ounces of th' Affemblies Catechifme,
With twenty Drams of Fox-Phanaticiſme,
Of prayers a bagful from Trithemius,
For other things not ſo abſtemius
But he can pick up Ceremony
As bees from any weeds get hony.
You'd fwear that for his Flamin Rabble
'
វ
1
He
138
MARONIDES, or, Book VI.
}
He had rak'd hell and fcumm'd the Devil
socinus, Arrius, and Pelagins,
Luther and Calvin, Simon Magus,
Behmen and Sedgwick, Nye and Sterry;
(What think ye of his Confiftory)
Each one of theſe ſhall add a Whimſey
To hodge podge up religious frenzy.
Tullus fucceeds not halfe fo Antick
But he ſhall fight as he were frantick
And next to him old father Ancus
Who for remembring him
may thank
Juſt ſuch another Thunder-bones
As Warwick Guy, or Captain Jones.
See Tarquin here, that fon of a punck
As lecherous as an Old Monk.
us,
By him stands Brute that made him pay
So deadly dear for his horfe play,
Quo he Kings are imperious Affes,
Let Confuls now ufurp the Fafces.
He fatal axe, firſt Roman Conful,
*
With
Book.VI.
139
VIRGIL Travesty.
With his one Childrens necks did handſel
Though too fevere to kill the Ladds,
That might ha' whipt 'em with his Rods
He with his beard like Roman T,
Torquatus in due time fhall be
There goes Capillus; that man's fafe
That ne're comes near his quarter ſtaffe.
There be the Drusi and the Curii,
Never provoke 'em, I Conjure ye.
Thoſe two ye fee look one at to'ther,
Just as if one would eat the other.
What are they pray Sir? why the one
Son's father, t' other fathers fon.
Here freinds, they neither brawle nor fight
Bound with the ponderous chains of Night,
But when they come to have their ſwinge,
heavens! Itremble at the change.
Upon a Plain, what Plain no matter, (ter)
What havock ſhall they make, what flaugh-
While Son to murder father feeks,
And
2
140
or, Book VI
MARONIDES,
2
And Father fon to chop like Leeks.
Ungracious birds for olive Branch,
To ranfack thus your Countrys Paunch:
Upon the Hills of Monaco
How Eccho fwore (for well you know,
She ſtil muſt do what others do,
So while they fwore ſhe muſt ſwear too)
When Son was hunting fathers Manfion
To ask him bleffing with his trunchion.
Anough anough, well boxt, well boxt
Put up your whinyards and be poxt;
Twere better on my reputation,
To put your ftrife to arbitration ;'
Where fhoulder a mutton and a Capon.
Shall terminate the rage of weapon:
There with a wart upon his Toy,
Stands, He that Corinth fhall deſtroy.
That other of Achilles tomb,
Shall make a ſeat for naked Bumm ;
Where after ages ſhall ſhitt cuſtard,
L
On
Book. VI.
141
VIRGIL Travefty.
On Reliques of fair Thetis Baſtard.
A hogſtic ſhalt he make of Argos,
Firft having ravish'd all their Virgo's,
"Where Agamemnon layd his Pfyche,
There ſhall he lay a T-.- ant like ye,
Ore Conquer'd Greece demanding reafon,
For Ilium deſtroy'd by treaſon.
Ther's Cato an ill-natur'd Droll,
With fecond Amadis de gaul
Grim Coffus: There on Gracchus look ye,
Juft fuch another Clown as okey:
The Scipio's both, all tow and tinder,
That flying men's houſes out at windor.
Next him with breath ſo ſtrong of garlick,
Appears Fabricius the warlick:
Old Fabius, fir nam'd wink-and fhite,
Who never bark't till he could bite.
Beſides a thouſand more at leaſt,
Quos nunc perfcribere longum eft:
All ſprung from loyns ofmine or yours,
Neirher
1
મૂછે
$
MAR ONIDE s, or,
Or kidneys of our Anceſtors -
The reft are Souls of other men,
Neither to me nor you a kin.
Book VI.
In th❜Art of Phyfick ſome excelling,
For reading fome, and fome for fpelling;
Some in the Law for drawing Leafes,
And fome for painting Chimney-pieces.
Some to write Hift'ries, fome Romances;
Some to drefs fifh, fome to fry tanfies.
Some to peele Walnuts, fome for marriage,
Some to make Alexander porridge.
Anchifes here began to pauſe;
For he had tir'd his aged jaws.
But foon refreſh'd with Aqua vita,
He thus refum'd his idle ditty.
See there Marcellus with a pack
Of Punic trophies at his back:
Lac'd ſcarlet breeches, new buffe coats,
'Portmantles full of Harry groates;
With filver ſpurs, embroidered hats,
Hol
Book VI.
VIRGIL Travesty. 121
Holland half-ſhirts, Holland Cravats,
Which they that bought of Linnen draper,
Ne're meant for fuch a Whipper-fnapper.
He, though a Logger-headed Booby,
Shall firk Great Hannibals blind Toby,
And Gauls, as big as Gyants, cut
As fmall as Pot-herbs to the Pot.
While thus Anchifes talkt ofTwanker,
Eneas fpies a fweet-fac't Younker;
The prettiest Moppet, Heav'ns to bleſs it,
As ever Nurſes Lap bepiffed.
With Drum and Spear of guilded Lattin,
And forty knots on Bonnet Sattin.
Quoth Venus Son, what dandling Elf
Is that fo like my pretty ſelf,
When firſt my breeches I befritter'd,
Or in plain Engliſh firſt beſquitter'd,
With ruddy Cheeks, like a Queen-apple,
Though forrow clouds his face of Maple?
What ails the pretty Child towhimper,
}
Like
Book VI.
MARONIDES, or, 144
Like pupie dog ſhut up in hamper
Is it Narcifus or Adonis ?
What means that croud of blubring Tonie
With Sarfnet ſcarfs fo cleanly dreft,
Holding up pall of Mortuus eft:
Anchfies then, dear darling brat,
Why ſhould'ſt thou wake a fleeping Cat?
Why ſhould I tel ye tale of tubbs,
To make ye have the Muligrubs.
That ſtripling nere to be forgotten,
Like Cattern Pear,foon ripe foon rotten ;
Is one that Fate fhall only deigne,
To ſhew and take away againe :
A jewel fure if any thing,
For why? he was the Devils gold f'ng.
Firſt give a thing and take a thing.
Had he but liv'd and had his health,
H' had been I know not what my ſelf:
But falling down fo falling ftar-like,
So dy'd their hopes with poor Peel-garlick
With
Book VI.
176.
VIRGIL Travefy.
With him they'r ready to expire,
Seeing their fat now in the fire:
Had he not reaſon then to look,
Like boy, that's kept too long at's book,
Or puppie that has ftole a pudding,
For by his death he loſt a wedding;
Quo Son of great Anchifes, Hoy-da
Here's a long tale of fhitten arfe boy-da,
I wonder, by my Mother Venus,
You ſhould be fuch a Nicodemus:
To keep me here with twittle twattles,
In praiſe of Hobby horſe and rattles.
Quo Father 'twas our zeal that thruſt us,
To praiſe th' adopted of Auguſtus ;
Quo Son, then good-man head of beetles
It ſeems y' are only Virgils wheedles:
• Son Quo Achiles, Poets who are
Moſt comonly like flead Rats poor
Shame on the age that lets'em live,
Only on what your great men give;
L
2
130
MARONIDES, or, Book VI.
Į
And therefore wifely tongue-Cut-purfes
They nipp your bungs for coyn,with verles
Forc'd with illuftrious prattle prittle
To praiſe great things though ne're fo little
This faid, Anchiſes bows his face,
As Country Vicar bow's to's Grace.
So after ſpeech all crum'd with knowledge
To King Scrapes Maſter of a Colledge;
Eneas bred among the Gods,
Return'd him twenty A-la-modes:
While Sybil that had liv'd at Hackney,
2
With Mid-wife-Dopps had broke her back
Then quo Anchifes give me now,
(nigh.
My Darling dear, thy hand offow:
I'le open all thy good or bad-luck,
With key of Chiromancy padlock :
ThenPaw ftretch'd out, quo cunning Gipfie,
In mount of s.1, a C my fheeps eye,
Gravely difcerns, Son, thou ſha't feel,
Much hurt by iron or by ſtee!.
In
Book VI
129
VIRGIL Travefy.
In Venus Mount Ifpie'a C,
Ah Son, woe worth thee now for me,
Theſe C's theſe C's take heed my Son, Hony
Thefe C's has many a man undone.
For in this mount a C denotes,
fost qui
maly
penſe
The Love of Common Petticotes:
Thy Lines of handwriſt red and pure,
Toward Mount Luna figne are fure.
Of Great fuccefs in martial ſports,
Icleped winning female forts.
*
Now ſeeing fignes that gave him trouble,
Quo Son, good Sir why ſhake you noddle?
Quo he each crofs that here appears,
Is each a drunken fall down ſtairs:
The figne of Gridiron on this place,
Shews you fhall lofe your very Arfe.
But man is fraile therefore I charge ye
As foon as ye get home to purge ye:
*Then on a Saturday at night,
Atten a clock the Angel hight,
L2
Faire
་
131
BookVI
MARONID ES, or,
t
Fair Tarquel look for his advice,
Will teach thee how to cogg thy dice.
And every Thurſday at nine a clock,
The fpirit Camael in'voake:
He's Major General of a Legion,
累
​Towards the Southern fiery Region
And (as fay Sons of Mecubal)
A fort of Rafcalls Myſtical,
Rules figures of the Airie Trigon,
Mark,my dear Son, for I am high flown
Ї
Which to ſay truth fhew in a word, :
Succeſs both of thy tool and Sword;
Conjunčio Puer, Latus Albus,
Puella Populus ferrum Balbus.
For you "Muft
know Turnus bad
an impediment in
his Speech
Conjunction, Boys, mirth, filver white,
Make Girls and men, fcare Turnus quite.
Now Demagogue of Trojan Nation,
A way-bit uſe of Exhortation:
Is it ſo then that thou my Son
Ar't like to be Romes Corner-ftone,
>
That
•
INGIL Travesty.
15
That from thy Loyns, as from a fountain
Muft flow what ere my fpeech doth contains
Then thou like Surgeon rule thy people,
Cut of proud fleſh, but ſpare the feeble.
That all thy actions may run bias,
Be ſure hold faſt the name of Pius:
They that foundations lay of Empire,
As well as fwear muſt ſometimes whimper
Thy Anceſtors examples cheriſh,
Chief men of worſhip in their Pariſh:
Though they were Cuckolds what of that,
*Tis many an honeft mans hard fate.
Neglect not buſineſs for thy pleaſure,
But game and wench when thou haft leiſure
But above all (obferve a block-head)
My Son keep money in thy Pocket.
For that will make thy people Sing,
God profper long our Noble King.
Thus Sermon ended, they depart,
But here behold a Poets art;
L3
Here's
+
138
MARONIDES, or, Book VI
Her's witch and man in Hell lockt in,
But how to get'em out agen.
Hang him that has no fhifts; you'l fay,
Hang Virgil then, but I ſay nay ;
For he has got a fhift or twain,
Two gates there be that appertain
To fleep,quo he, the one of horn,
(Salmacius lay's by Cuckolds worne) (bers
Through wh falfe dreams pafs in great num-
To trouble Coxcombs idle flumbers.
Through t'other made of fhining ivory,
Thoſe iſſue forth that wear truths livery;
Through one of the back doors of Hell,
I mean the latter, Virgil well :
As maid at night lets fweet-heart forth,
Sends back his Champion up to earth,
For my part I beleeve him rather,
Then contradict fo grave an Author.
Though captious critic hence would fwear,
Twas all a dream that went before,
Aneas
↓
1
ook VI.
M
VIRGIL Travesty.
3
Eneas having his diſcharge,
Like man from Counter fet at large:
Nere look't behind but nimbly trips,
To viſit Rake-ſhames and their fhips.
When they beheld his orient chapp 5,
They hollow'd and flung up their caps:
But he cry'd, peace ye curſed dunder-heads
Have I left one hell, to find hundreds.
To Sybel then for all her trouble,
Moſt like a Prince he gave Rofe-Noble:
Then feeing all things in good order,
Did as i'th next book you'l hear farther.
>
FINIS.
UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN
3 9015 03577 7971
**
1930
Priv, Colle.
EMED
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