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THE UNIVERSI
UNIVERSIT,
LIBRARIES
1811
K
MICHIGAN
MICH
IGAN
16.M. baper.
MOTHERS IN COUNCIL
MARION
ür
CA
SCOT FI MAH)
ll
-L.
We cannot build and sail your ships, or drive your engines; we are
weak, and ignorant of the tricks of trade. To think and speak, or
write some earnest, stammering words, alone is ours.
NEW YORK
HARPER & BROTHERS, FRANKLIN SQUARE
1884
Grad
HQ
759
.649
Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1884, by
HARPER & BROTHERS
In the Office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington.
All rights reserved.
rad
326047
olyen
5. 27
rep?
PREFACE.
It is now about six years since the mothers whose
discussions form the body of this little volume first
conceived the idea of putting their heads together
and of quietly talking over the topics that interested
them as members of the social union charged with a
special class of duties.
At first they met merely to stimulate one an-
other by readings from writers whose experience
or reputation promised to afford them suggestions
which might prove fruitful. In some cases they
were not disappointed, but in others they found that
common-sense contradicted the author, and it was
felt that there were those in the growing club who
were capable of treating practical subjects more to
the edification of the others than any writer whose
circumstances were likely to be far different from
those of the club; and thus it came to pass that one
member after another was asked to write on themes
which were deemed specially interesting to her.
As months passed by, and the life of the club at
last came to be measured by years, it occurred to the
writer that there was something in the accumulating
4
PREFACE.
mass of discussions and in the essays that had been
written that might be of service to other mothers, if
only it could be put within their reach.
Such was the genesis of the volume which pre-
tends to be nothing more than it is—a record of the
thoughts of a group of mothers seeking enlighten-
ment and mutual help. None of those who took
part in the informal talks here imperfectly outlined
professed extraordinary wisdom, nor did those who
prepared the more careful essays. All professed to
be learners, and it is the record of our lessons that I
now offer to other mothers of like minds.
Let no one open this book with the expectation of
finding in it a treatise upon the work of the mother
or a dissertation on “the sphere of woman.” It
does not profess to have such a character. It is
a record of experience; and, as in the life of the
healthy person experience is ever growing and never
attains perfection, so in this collection of talks and
papers the reader must look for a section of the com-
bined life of a few earnest women, holding views,
indeed, but never so fixed in their opinions that
they were not also anxious to reach forward to that
which they hoped might prove better.
WASHINGTON COUNTY, VA., July, 1883.
>>
AN
!
ANALYSIS OF THE CONTENTS.
I. How it Happened, 9. Trimming Old Dresses, 9. Mrs. Fol-
len Proposes a Mothers' Meeting, 10.
II. The Clubs of Abingdon, 12. The Various Names, 12. The
Game Club, 13.
III. Beginning, 14. In Mrs. Berkeley's Parlor, 14 At the Feet
of a Spinster, 15. Habits Discussed, 15.
IV. Discussing Obedience, 16. Tie “Blind Obedience" Theory,
17. The Ladies form the Mothers' Club, 18.
V. The First Essay, 19. The Importance of bringing up our
Sons to be Good Husbands and our Daughters to be Con-
tented and Useful Old Maids, 19. A very Pleasant Bond,
21. Forlorn Old Maids, 23. Precious Old Maids, 24.
VI. Discussing the Paper, 25. Good Work should be Recog-
nized, 26. Duties of Old Maids, 27. “Room at the
Top,” 29. Self-support for Daughters, 30. Incapable
Girls, 31. Woman's Work, 32. Room in the West, 33.
A Narrow View, 34.
VII. Other Papers, 35. Looking to Spinsters and Bachelors, 36.
Unconscious Influence, 37.
6
AN ANALYSIS OF THE CONTENTS.
VIII. A Paper on Bathing, 38. The Various kinds of Baths,
39. An Open Question, 41. Drying the Body, 43.
Thunder-storm Bath, 44. The True Theory, 45.
IX. The Vexed Questions of Amusements and Sunday Occupa-
tions, 47. Mrs. Brattle Remembers the New England
Primer, 47. Dependent and Independent Children, 48.
The Old-fashioned Discipline, 49. Sunday Disliked,
51. A Wise Father's Plan, 53. Tea-parties, 54.
X. About Holidays, and More about Sundays, 57. The Rest-
day Needed, 58. Children's Church-going, 59. A Lect-
urer's Argument, 60.
XI. The Choice and Use of Boolcs by Children, 62. Fairy Tales,
63, Tales of Mythology, 65. The Christian Allego-
ries, 66. Books of History, 66. Stories of Adventure,
68. Poetry for Children, 69. Pathos and Tragedy, 71.
Childhood's Stories, 72. Lists of Books Referred to,
74. The Old Testament, 75.
XII. One Season Ends and Another Begins, 77. The Hurry of
our Lives, 78. How Days Pass, 79. “We have no
Time," 81. Less Sewing, 83. Winter and Summer
Rest, 85. Too Much System ? 86. Marriage a Sacri-
fice, 87.
XIII. The Tranquil Life, 88. The Young House-keeper, 90.
Patient Waiting, 91. Doing One's Duty, 93. Dr. Bel-
lows's Conversion, 94. Early Rising, 95. The Repose
of Busy People, 97. The Cardinal Virtues, 98.
XIV. The Early Education of Children, 99. Sufferers in
School, 100. Useful Plays, 102. Interest in Art, 103.
Small Classes, 104. Drawing, French, German, 105. .
Dictionary and Encyclopædia, 106. School Friend-
ships, 107. Beginning to Think, 108.
AN ANALYSIS OF THE CONTENTS.
7
XV. Putting Things in their Right Places, 109. Teaching
Order at a Wrong Time, 111. Working out Details,
112. Family Claims on Children, 113. Wisdom
from on High, 114. Thinking of our Neighbors, 116.
A Sonnet of Mrs. Browning, 117.
XVI. Good Servants, and How to Get Them, 118. The Kitchen
the Heart of the Home, 120. Freemasonry among
Servants, 121. A Plan Proposed, 123. Recommenda
tions, 125. Unbusiness-like Methods, 126.
XVII. A Committee Discussion, 127. Can One Train a Servant
for Another ? 127. Cost of a Training-school, 128.
XVIII. The Larger Children of the Household, 129. The Suspi-
cions of Ignorance, 130. Evenings Out, 131.
XIX. Sugar and Sreet Calces, 133. Lavish Use of Sugar, 134,
Self-denial, 136. Aversion to Wholesome Food, 138.
Feeding Animals, 139. Hot Bread, 141.
XX. Self-control, 142. Conn's Mother, 143. Jane Eyre, 144.
Oh, Bridget!" 145. Transmission of Insanity, 146.
The Portland Fire, 147. Looking up for Strength,
148. Speak Small, like a Woman, 149.
1
XXI. Deference of Children for their parents, and How to
Teach it, 150. The Gruff “Thanks !” 151. Manners
of Children at Home, 152. Thoughtless Impolite-
ness, 154. Politeness to the Young, 156. Mature
Sons and Daughters, 157.
XXII. Accuracy: the Principle, 159. Truthfulness, 160. Cor-
rected by a Child, 161. Can One be Too Accurate ?
162. Thoroughness as a Habit, 163.
8
AN ANALYSIS OF THE CONTENTS,
XXIII. Accuracy: the Application, 164. Inefficient Workmen,
165. Honesty and Accuracy, 166. Miss Cobbe on
Women's Honesty, 167. Men's Honesty, 168. Locke
on Educating the Will, 169. Keeping Promises, 171.
XXIV. The Formation of the Child's Character, 172. Imitation
in Children, 172. The Share of Father and Mother,
173. Maternal Decision, 174. Necessity of Occupa-
tion, 175. Exaggeration, 176. Evils of Nurses, 177.
Connection between Food and Character, 179. Pure
Religion, 180. Bible Reading, 181. Sunday-schools,
184. Inherited Traits, 185. Mrs. Montagu's Paper,
186. The Soul's Needs, 188. Sympathy between
Parents and Children, 189. Mother and Daughter,
191. Selfishness vs. Sympathy, 192. Remember our
Own Mothers, 193. The End, 194.
MOTHERS IN COUNCIL.
I.
HOW IT HAPPENED.
“IF you examine them," said Mrs. Berkeley,“ you
will find that each is made of one that you will rec-
ognize as having been worn by me either the last
season or the year before. I cannot myself account
for the grace that you kindly say you observe in
them; and as for the trimming, my principle in put-
ting it on was simply to sew a bow or a ribbon over
every worn place."
" The effect is astonishing," replied I. “Would
that I, too, had the faculty of so doing over my old
dresses."
“You are right in calling it a 'faculty,' if by
that word you mean a sort of ability that has not
been acquired by study nor from others, for I give
such things little thought. When the need comes
for a new dress for one of the girls, I know that it is
the old stores that must generally be drawn upon-
that I cannot go to the merchant for goods—and the
inspiration comes to me with the want. I sit down
and turn and re-turn until the work is done, and
then, such as it is, the child must wear it."
10
HOW IT HAPPENED.
66 1
66
suppose you would have me believe that the
manners of your children are a 'faculty' also; some-
thing that has come to them by nature, without
yonr interference ?"
“I am glad to know it if you have found any-
thing in the behavior of my children that meets
the approval of so careful a mother as you are, but
I assure you that it is not a 'faculty, for I have
the greatest difficulty in keeping them up to my
standard, even. It is right encouraging to know
that I have succeeded to any appreciable extent."
“I am sure," I replied, “that there must be some
secret which enables you to instil your precepts into
the little ones so thoroughly that they neither forget
nor neglect them when they are away from you.”
Really, Mrs. Vaughn, you are dealing in compli-
ments. I cannot believe that I have done so well
as you say, or that my children are the models
you
would make them out."
“I assure you, my dear Mrs. Berkeley, I mean
what I say—every word of it, and more."
Just at this point a servant handed Mrs. Berkeley
a card, and was bidden to show the caller up-stairs,
for it was in Mrs. Berkeley's sick-room that the con-
versation we have been admitted to occurred. A
moment later, Mrs. Follen, an intimate neighbor of
both of us, was ushered in, and I concluded that I
would leave the invalid in the care of the neir-
.
It was a few days after that I had a call from
Mrs. Follen, who reminded me of our meeting, and
said that my conversation with Mrs. Berkeley had
occurred at an opportune moment, as she thought.
comer.
THE FIRST MEETING APPOINTED.
11
It appeared that the object of the call of Mrs. Fol-
len was to talk over a plan that had come to her
of a meeting of a few of the earnest mothers of the
village to read together such books as they could
find which were adapted to throw light upon the
management of their children. My words of honest
praise had given Mrs. Berkeley all the stimulus she
needed, and she was prepared to fall into the plan
without hesitation. Now that the proposition was
made to me by its first mover, and, as it has since
proved, its energetic supporter, I felt immediately
interested, and it was easily arranged that we should
have our first meeting at Mrs. Berkeley's on the
next Saturday afternoon, the 13th of April, 1878.
12
THE CLUBS OF ABINGDON.
II.
THE CLUBS OF ABINGDON.
THERE was nothing new or strange in the forma-
tion of a club in Abingdon. Our venerable and pro-
vincial town may be said to be honey-combed with
clubs. There were sewing clubs, tennis clubs, whist
clubs, and archery clubs, the names of which told the
reason for their being. Not all the members of the
archery club could shoot with the long-bow; nor
shall I rashly assert that all the members of the
whist club could define the difference between the
"right bower” and the “trump” card; and I ain
certain that some of the members of the sewing
clubs were guiltless of any skill in the use of the
needle.
The names of the Abingdon clubs may have in-
dicated the purpose that each organizer presented
to those he or she would have beguiled into mem-
bership; but some of them certainly did not con-
tinue to characterize the body which weekly, or
at other fixed or movable intervals, met under its
banners. What shall I say of the Saturday Club or
the Monday Club? Their names gave no indication
whatever of their objects. Indeed, so hopeless had
we become in regard to names for our clubs that in
some cases they were dispensed with entirely, and
even the members hardly knew how to refer to the
DINNERS AND LUNCHEONS.
13
nondescript brotherhood which listened to essays
after eating the best of dinners that Abingdon wives
and Abingdon cooks knew how to provide, or to the
sisterhood which on certain Wednesdays, determined
by wise astronomical calculations, met and economi-
cally lunched together after going through certain
ceremonies that it is not the object of this volume
to detail. When the days of the week had been ex-
hausted in our voluminous club nomenclature, some
enterprising young people (alas ! that they are no
longer, in the relentless passage of time, young)
formed an association and dubbed it The Game Club
--thongh I am not aware that there were ever any
games played at its meetings, except the ever-fresh
game that young men and maidens always play on
occasion, whether in clubs or out of them.
14
BEGINNING.
III.
BEGINNING.
Good Mrs. Follen would have had no new task be.
fore her had she proceeded in the usual way in form-
ing our Mothers' Club (which she did not), though
she might have felt it incumbent on her to apologize
for attempting to add to the long list of such bodies
among us. She avoided this by omitting to mention
the word club at all to the small number of ladies
that she asked to meet at Mrs. Berkeley's on the day
I have mentioned. When the half-dozen were in the
tastefully arranged parlor of the lady who first enter-
tained us, Mrs. Follen said that she had reflected that,
as mothers, we were either over-anxious or careless in
the bringing up of our children, and that it was pro-
posed to meet from week to week for the purpose
of gaining wisdom on the subject from each other
and from books. We were all equally desirous, she
thonght, to develop our children in the best way,
and only needed the suggestions that such gather-
ings would afford to improve both our views and
our practice. But few had been invited at first, in
order that the homogeneity of the body might be in-
sured; but it was the intention to add to the number
as the names of earnest mothers should occur to the
first members.
As a faithful historian, I must say that this mode
AT THE FEET OF A SPINSTER.
15
of adding to the size of the body was not approved
of by all who were afterwards invited to become
members, for it established a class who were “first
members;" and yet I confess that I do not even now
know a better mode of procedure, for “Order is
heaven's first law," and this confest, some are and
must be “ before the rest,” as the poet Pope did not
exactly say.
The first meeting was occupied, as became begin-
ners, not in original discussions, but with readings
by Mrs. Brattle from Miss Martineau's “Household
Education;" and we presented the spectacle of a
body of mothers at the feet of a spinster, learning or
trying to learn from one who never knew our joys,
or felt the weight of our responsibilities, lessons of
maternal duty and economy. “Habits, their for-
mation and power,” gave us some points for conver-
sation, and especially did we longingly dwell upon
the habit of obedience, hoping that some one among
us might illuminate the perennial subject in a moth-
er's thoughts by the light of lier successful experi-
Alas! the experience was wondrously simi-
lar, and opinions were no fewer than the number of
those present. We had learned what Miss Martineau
thought on a few topics as she had looked at them
in her matronly way from the outside, and we had
had a pleasant time, but not one of us knew any
more about the subject of "habits” or of "obedi-
ence than we knew when we entered our host's
pleasant rooms.
ence.
16
DISCUSSING OBEDIENCE.
IV.
.
DISCUSSING OBEDIENCE.
At the second meeting, which occurred twelve
days after the first, Mrs. Mason gave us our text by
reading some of the common-sense written by Jacob
Abbott on Obedience, and we fell to a new discussion
of the subject. Mrs. Berkeley thought that what is
known as “blind” obedience should never be de-
manded of children, because it banishes all originality
and spirit.
“I think that it is just this sort of obedience that
we must insist upon," said I, "for it is often in emer-
gencies that obedience is of vital importance, and there
is no time for argument or for the presentation of
reasons. Suppose, for the sake of a familiar example,
that I ain crossing a street, and wish my child to
come to me immediately, must I not have blind obe-
dience or risk the life of the little one? Even the
nurse must be autliorized to enforce obedience at
such a moment."
“No nurse,” says Mrs. Follen, “has authority over
my children. All questions are referred to me for
settlement."
“Much depends upon the nurse," added Mrs.
Berkeley. “If I have one who is conscientious and
trusty, I allow her even to punish an offence by put-
ting the child in a closet; and in my mind obedience
THE BLIND OBEDIENCE THEORY.
17
to those older is the first principle in life, and the
earlier it is taught the happier the child will be.”
“Should not there be some distinction made ?"
inquired Mrs. Lee. "Would you have the child
taught to obey every person older than he, without
regard to his relation to them? or would you let him
know that certain persons have the right to his obe-
dience on account of parental relation or of guardian-
ship, either temporary or continuous ?''
“With very young children," replied Mrs. Washi-
ington, “of course no such distinctions could be es-
tablished; but, as my children grow older, I let
them know the difference between the deference
owed to age, the courtesy that they should show
to all, and the obedience they must pay me by
virtue of the relation that Providence has estab-
lished between us.'
“I pity the unhappy little ones," remarked Mi's.
Shepard, “who, when told to do anything, begin to
tease to be allowed to do something else, and from
past experience can never be sure that positive obe-
dience is to be deinanded in any particular case.”
“Which means," continued Mrs. Berkeley, “that
you support the blind obedience theory of Mrs.
Vaughn; and yet I have noticed that those charm-
ing models of youthful submission that some of you
would have your children made are often most in-
sipid and uninteresting, and go through life hesitat-
ingly, always waiting for some stronger person to
lead them. They turn out simple reflections of
stronger minds."
“And yet," said Mrs. Marshall, “I venture to be-
lieve that the habit of obedience actually strengthens
2
18
DISCUSSING OBEDIENCE.
the mind and furnishes the child a definite principle
of action which is a benefit through life.”
“ Are we not all but children of a larger growth ?"
said Mrs. Washington, “and are we not all the time
called upon to follow law blindly? and will not obe-
dience give us happiness and rest, when disobedience
would lead to endless ills? The highest view of the
matter has not yet been referred to, I think. In a
far-off way the parents represent God, and obedience
to them is the beginning, as it seems to me, of the
yielding to Him who is the Father of us all."
Thus we talked on, coming no nearer to a single
opinion than we had been when we began, but we
were all the time getting what we came for. We
were sharpening each other's wits, and becoming ac-
quainted with more views and ways than our own.
Each of us felt that she carried home a new idea; and
doubtless these did their work, leading to question-
ing in the minds of each, and probably to modifica-
tions of soine modes of management that had, up to
that afternoon, been followed without question.
The body emerged froin its informal state at this
meeting, and entered upon its foreordained career
as another of the Abingdon clubs, but with a very
simple organization, merely sufficient to insure good
order in its discussions and a brief record of its
doings. Mrs. Follen was felt by all to be the proper
one for president, and Mrs. Jayne secretary. Hence-
forth these ladies were our leaders; but from the
head and heart of Mrs. Follen sprang our constant
inspiration, as from her brain the club itself had
risen fully equipped.
GOOD HUSBANDS AND OLD MAIDS.
19.
V.
THE FIRST ESSA Y.
Our third meeting was held on the 9th of May at
the house of Mrs. J. M. Hargrove, and the first exer-
cise consisted in the reading, by Mrs. Francis, of an
essay presented to the club by Mrs. George Elgin, of
Lynchburg. It was, “Some Thoughts upon the Iın-
portance of bringing up our Sons to be Good Hus-
bands and our Daughters to be Contented and Use-
ful Old Maids."
“We all have female married friends," so the es-
sayist began, “whom we pity because we know thein
to be yoked to selfish husbands. What is more dis-
agreeable than a selfish head of a family? Nothing
earthly; and wherefore? Because we have all learned
by experience tliat married life, to be comfortable
and peaceful, requires a perpetual giving up of little
notions and little wishes on the part of the husband
as well as on the part of the wife. If the latter only
does her share of that work, then the bargain is uni-
fair, and misery results.
“What better preparation could be devised for
helping a man to do his part well in married life
than teaching him from his earliest infancy to be a
good son, a kind son, a thoughtful and a courteous
son
“Have we not often heard it remarked, 'What a
20
THE FIRST ESSAY.
pleasant engagement !—John Brown has always been
a good son; he will make a capital husband ?'
“If the mother neglect hier duty in this respect,
she will not be the only sufferer. Her son's poor
wife will wish, before many inonths have gone over
her head, that she had never known John. Perhaps
she is a butterfly by nature, and after the first reali-
zation that inarried life is not what it should be, slic
will turn to society and to the men whom she meets,
who are always kind and agreeable; and woe betide
the little wife if she have no anchor at home to keep
her from floating out to sea! If her life prove a
failure, whose is the fault? It is her mother-in-law's,
forsooth!
"It seems to us sometimes much easier to do little
things for ourselves than to ask our boys to do them
for us, and especially is this the case when we fear
that they will be disinclined to help us; but this is
a cowardly fear, and one that must be crushed in our
minds. We must teach then that to wait upon and
help their mothers is one of their first duties in life,
and by-and-by they will take pleasure in it. If a
husband is thoughtful and attentive to his wife in
little affairs, considerate in regard to her domestic
trials-rasping cooks and fretful babies—if he do not
rage when his best winter coat is eaten up by moths
in summer, or if he be not unreasonable when his
dinner is not a success, does not his so-called 'better
half' turn to him with strengthened affection after
his kind forbearance? Does she not, if she be a
reasonable woman, think in her heart that her John
is a treasure? Does she not turn to her sick child
with renewed courage and tenderness? Does she
A VERY PLEASANT BOND.
21
not descend to her kitchen with calm dignity and
steady determination that either Bridget must do
better or John shall have a new cook?
“Did any of you, when you were young and lovely
maidens, ever receive any compliment half so sweet
or delightful as the pleasant and sympathetic smile
of your John when you told him what your worries
were, and found him ready to listen with patient con-
sideration to a few of them? Then let us encourage
the sympathy of our sons, let us prove to them that
we are their friends as well as their mothers, and let
us turn to them for comfort and help when our bur-
dens are heavy. It will do them great good to realize
that we expect them to sympathize with us when
either our heads or our hearts ache.
“One reason for encouraging a love of reading in
a boy may not have been suggested by any of you
wise women.
It is that the discussion of interest-
ing books is a very pleasant bond between a man
and his wife. I know a husband who is thought
well of in the outer world, but who, unfortunately,
has no taste for reading, and who sleeps every even-
ing after dinner on the parlor sofa. His wife must
sometimes wish for a more agreeable companion.
“If we could and would teach our boys to be or-
derly in their habits, we should add greatly to the
peace of mind of our daughters-in-law. On the
whole, would it not be wise and sensible for us to
try in every way to make our sons agreeable com-
panions to their future wives? I am sure that we
should reap the benefit long before our work in life
should be done.
"It seems to me that the duties of a mother are so
22
THE FIRST ESSAY.
numerous that, if she were to attend faithfully, to
half of ther, she would have time for neither rest,
sleep, nor ontside recreation. Perhaps it is as well
for our health and our minds that many of us leave
undone many of the things we ought to do, thereby
furnishing fruitful subjects for discussion to the
mothers of this interesting meeting. Some of our
duties are certainly imperative. We mothers must
try every day of our lives to teach our boys to be
polite. We must help them to be thoughtful of our
comfort and happiness; we must show them the im-
portance of driving that foul fiend selfishness out of
their hearts, and, if our efforts are successful, our
daughters-in-law will be happy women. They will
love us and bless us, and they will both wish and try
to follow our example when they have sons to call
them mothers.
« Now for a few words about our daughters, and
the possibility — shall I say probability ? — of their
becoming old maids. It is plain that many of our
maidens will never be married. Why should we re-
gard that probability as a misfortune, or why should
we permit our daughters to look upon marriage as the
only desirable condition in life, and to think that no
woman can be happy who does not attain it? Would
it not be wiser to educate our girls to find content-
ment, usefulness, and happiness even, in a life of
single blessedness? If we look upon this suggestion
with favor, we shall realize the importance of telling
our growing maidens that life is given us as a prep-
aration for another and a better world, and that un-
less we learn to be useful here we shall lose heaven
wlien we leave this world. We can truly assure
FORLORN OLD MAIDS.
23
them that as umarried women they will have more
time and more opportunities to become highly ac-
complished and far more useful women than their
married friends.
“Is it not true that a young woman well adapted
to lead a life of celibacy with contentment can at any
moment–if her Jolın be urgent, and she so disposed
—be changed into a charming wife? If, on the
other hand, her only thought and wish in life is to
be married, she will never, or not without many
struggles, resign herself to spinsterhood.
“As we all must wish our daughters to be happy
now and forever, let us try to imitate daily the busy
bee, to be always occupied, always laying up stores
of knowledge, and incite them to try to be useful
and cheerful in whatever position they may find
themselves. It would be well for us to help our
girls to find pleasure in what they may call trifles,
for do they not make up the sum of hunan happi-
ness?
“Great excitements and great joys are very rare,
and never come at all to some people. Therefore,
let us tell our children to enjoy every ray of suin-
shine, to make much of every bright spot in their
quiet lives, and not to scorn little pleasures.
“We all know forlorn old maids wliose lives are
no comfort to themselves, and they only torments to
others. Do we not sometimes whisper, 'Oh, if kind
Heaven liad only seen fit to reinove Miss Selina
Brown, and not dear Mrs. Brown! Now, if Miss
Selina's mother had only brought up her daughter
in the sensible fashion I have outlined, Miss Selina,
poor soul, would have been a very different kind of
24
THE FIRST ESSAY.
sister, and no one would have wished Heaven to re-
move her.
“I must not appear unmindful of the virtues of
our good maiden aunts and maiden sisters, whom
we all love and adınire, and whom we could not live
without. They are very precious in all our fami-
lies; but more of them are needed in this busy world,
and if we can help to inake a few, we shall be re-
warded for our efforts. They will always be loved
and respected and appreciated, and need never feel,
at the age of thirty or thereabouts, that they are use-
less members of society, or be justified in wishing
they had never been born.
“Therefore, ladies and mothers, do your duty nobly
by your daughters; prepare them to be useful and
contented women, and then they will surely make
the best of wives, or good and charming old maids,
maiden sisters and maiden aunts."
.
GOOD HUSBANDS AND GOOD WIVES.
25
VI.
DISCUSSING THE PAPER.
The reading of this paper, which was the first that
had up to that time been read to the club, was fol-
lowed with evident tokens of interest, though it was
plain that not a few of the members did not approve
all the sentiments it expressed. The discussion that
followed did not give utterance to all of these oppos-
ing feelings, for they were reserved for the home
circle and for discussion in smaller groups. As soon
as the reader stopped, Mrs. Berkeley spoke.
“I have scarcely been able to restrain myself,"
she began," from interrupting Mrs. Francis, so im-
patient have I been with the writer for her wrong
principles. She appears entirely out of the way.
If our daughters are trained by us for single life, we
unfit them for matrimony and condemn them to cel-
ibacy. Our children should be trained alike for good
liusbands and good wives.”
“Would it not be better," interposed Mrs. Wash-
ington,“ to leave probable marriage ont of the con-
sideration, and fit onr boys and girls for some calling
in life which will afford them a livelihood, without
special reference to the circumstances that now sur-
round them? If they become good men and good
women, will they not also prove good husbands and
good wives? If we fit them to perform their duties
26
DISCUSSING THE PAPER.
well in one position, and give them the proper prin-
ciples of action, do we not fit tlıcm for life in what-
ever sphere of action their lot may be cast? Is
there really any different training needed to make a
boy a good husband than tliat required to make hiin
a noble, true man? Can we better fit our daughters
to be either maids or matrons than by making them
true and noble women? If we narrow down our
thoughts to their marriage or celibacy, do ve not
place ourselves in the danger of specializing their
education and culture, and therefore of rendering
them, to the degree in which we succeed, imperfect-
ly developed ? These questions have come to mind
during the reading, and I cannot fully solve them.”
"As for training our daughters for a calling, my
mind is clear,” Mrs. Follen replied. “In doing
that, particularly if there be means in the family,
they will have advantages which will enable them
to crowd to the wall those wlio must work or die. I
feel strongly that my daughter shall never work for
money so long as her father is able to support her.”
“Good work," said Mrs. Brattle, "should be recog-
nized, wliether done by the rich or by those in mod-
erate circumstances; and as the market-value is the
standard of its worth to the community, the worker
ought not to liesitate to receive it. I wish one of
those who have studied the principles of political
economy would tell us what that science would have
to say to producers who do not accept pay for their
work. What would their influence be on the labor
market and on the laborer?"
Mrs. Brattle's application for information was not
answered, as I lioped it would be, and I expressed
DUTIES OF THE OLD MAID.
27
my hearty approval of the suggestion of Mrs. Wash-
ington that the training of our children in all that
is true and good and beautiful is to my mind much
better than any special training with matrimony or
celibacy in mind.
“The duties of the old maid," said Mrs. Shepard,
coming to my support, "are by no means so distinc-
tive as to render it an easy task to mark out a
special line for her derelopment. We know some
old maids who are placed in families for the disci-
pline of every member, and who faithfully fulfil their
mission. Perhaps it is necessary that they should
exist, but we none of us envy them their thankless
task. Can we give glory enough to the lovely,
sweet-spirited maiden aunts who comfort the lonely
(it may be the orphaned) children, relieve the feeble
mothers, and by their patience and wisdom make
the world lovely for all who know them? How
often is such a one the house - keeper, counsellor,
comforter-in short, everything to the family she
blesses with her benignant presence! and what
training had she, except the culture that has made
her the true and perfect woman, able to fill any posi-
tion that Providence miglit have put her in-even
that of a tender wife and loving mother ?!
"It is what we are ourselves," said Mrs. Washing-
ton," and not what we merely wish our children to
become, that determines their character.
sons lear in their fathers courteous and tender
tones, they will imitate them; and we shall certainly
find that they use the same to their wives, if they
ever have any. If our daughters see their mother's
faithful and efficient in the discharge of the house-
If our
28
DISCUSSING THE PAPER.
hold duties, tender and considerate of the father
and the children, their standard of excellence will
be fixed accordingly, and they will not forget the
lesson when they become wives and mothers. Ex-
ample is worth all the precepts we can lay down
here, if we sit till doomsday."
“Doubtless all that has been said is true," con-
tinued Mrs. Berkeley, "and yet I never let a day
pass without thinking of my son's wife and what I
can do for her. I keep liis married life always in
view."
“There is a large class of women who are always
to remain old maids," said Mrs. Sharpe, “who have
not been noticed in the paper or in our discussion
of it. My attention is often called to them, and my
heart made to bleed by the stories of trial that they
tell. In a late paper I saw an authenticated state-
ment of a lady who had advertised for a woman to
do general house-work at twelve dollars a week and
board, at the same time that her husband advertised
for a writer to do copying at seven dollars a week
without board. The husband received five hundred
and forty-four answers to his offer, and she had but
one applicant for the position in the family, with a
home! This shows with what reluctance American
women accept positions that they think are those of
servants, and how great is the pressure among them
for those that they think more 'honorable.'”
“The same thing inight be said about men,” said
Mrs. Shepard; “for I remember the case of a busi-
ness house in New York that advertised for an ac.
countant and received applications by the hundred,
some of the writers actually watching the Post-
ROOM AT THE TOP.
29
office box to which they had addressed their notes,
and following to the office the clerk who received
them, in order that they might make the personal
application that the house wished to avoid. Many
of these men were able to do other work, and could
not, in fact, obtain the necessary recommendations
as accountants. Still, they tried to press into the
crowded ranks, thinking it more honorable to have
accountant' printed after their names in the direc-
tory than to be classed as mechanics or laborers."
“ These had all probably been told that there is
always room at the top,'” added Mrs. Emory; "and
to the top they deterinined to step, without think-
ing that one cannot climb a ladder but by the
several rounds. The man who endeavors to step
to the top of a ladder without touching the lower
rounds is crazy; but how inany have been led to
make the attempt by the unfortunate application
of the proverbial phrase just quoted !"
“We are not discussing the cases of those women
to whom Mrs. Sharpe refers,” continued Mrs. Bristol.
“It is our own sons and daughters about whom we
are interested this morning."
“And yet," added Mrs. Lynch,“ we all of us feel
an interest in those less fortunate members of our
sex; and, for my part, I should like to know if we
cannot do something for them."
“They are not before us," reinarked Mrs. Way,
" and we cannot personally advise them, it is true,
but we may, perhaps, arrive at some conclusion that
will enable us individually to do thein good."
“Very true," said Mrs. Mason; "and for my part,
I feel that the only proper principle for mothers to
30
DISCUSSING THE PAPER.
act upon generally is to prepare their daughters to
do something that will enable them to support them-
selves. The emergency may never present itself,
but in case it suddenly comes upon them they will
be ready. I can remember the case of a relative
whose father was very rich, but in the changes that
occurred in fortunes twenty years ago he lost all
that he had, and finally died, leaving penniless a
family of daughters, each one of whom had been
bred up in liabits of luxury and taught to expect
that she would receive a large fortune in time. A
good early education enabled those of the circle
who did not marry to get situations as teachers, but,
if they had not had that resource, what could they
have done?"
“That is the question that I wish to hear an-
swered," said I, "and I think that we can do some-
thing here to-day to formulate the reply. A little
book has lately been published, entitled 'Work for
Women,' which gives many hints, but it is not the
last word on the subject. Many a young girl who is
suddenly thrown upon her own resources fails to do
urhat she can, merely because she has not the tact
to do the first thing that offers that is reputable.
She cannot teaclı, perhaps, nor write for the press,
nor paint, nor read proof, but she ought to know
how to keep liouse, and, if she knows that, she has
one opening. There are schools that need matrons
and stewards, and there are many households in
which the mistress- wishes relief from the care of
providing and managing her servants. Many a
woman might do far worse than accept a position
of that sort. Are there not many, too, who have
INCAPABLE AMERICAN GIRLS,
31
had enough experience in watching dress - makers
and milliners to learn to do their work without
much loss of time, and thus not only provide for
themselves, but give a subsistence to a number of
others ?"
“So inany American girls are entirely unable to
do any work well that one is discouraged in efforts
to help them,” said Mrs. Hargrove. “A lady told
me the other day that she had occasion to find a
woman to help her in her rooms (she was boarding),
in the care of a child, and in doing the small amount
of work that would be necessary in such circumn-
stances where there were only a husband, wife and
child, and she took a young American woman on
trial. A short trial showed that the woman was
not fitted to be trusted with the responsibility, and
this only because she had not been tauglit at home.
Perhaps you will think this an exceptional case; and,
indeed, I have seen women who had never given
any attention to household cares enter 17pon mar-
ried life unprepared, and perforin the duties of wife,
house-keeper, and inotlier with perfect success."
“The woman wlio needs work for her support,”
continued Mrs. Marshall, “should know that it is
her best plan to fit lierself to do something well, and
that it is of less importance what duty she chooses
than that she fit herself to do it in the best manner.
We are generally inclined to believe that a person
who can do one thing properly can do others equally
well. Thus, the woman who succeeds in satisfying
an employer in copying his manuscript or in doing
his errands is probably in the line of promotion.”
" That is trne," said Mrs. Randolph. “Employers
32
DISCUSSING THE PAPER.
prefer to keep those whom they already know rather
than to run the risk and take the trouble of finding
new helpers and training them. I would like to
ask what kinds of work are offered to women now?"
“A number of these have been mentioned," re-
plied Mrs. Marshall, “but there are many more.
The range that women can take in this respect is
enlarging every year. Eighty per cent. of the teach-
ers of New England are women, and there are many
more women than men in that profession the coun-
try over. If we go through the northern cities, we
find women at work in public places on every hand.
They report lectures by short-hand, they are success-
ful physicians, they sit at the cashier's desk in many
great establishments, they fill the rooms of the Dec-
orative Art associations with elegant work, they stand
by the bed of the sufferer in the hospital, they send
your despatches over the telegraphic wires, they cul- .
tivate flowers to adorn your tables and drawing-
rooins, they make preserves and cake to sweeten
social life, they write for our magazines and daily
journals, they make histories for us, their sweet
poetry sootlies us in our moments of depression, as
governesses their hands guide our children along the
pathway of life, as quiet and sympathizing compan-
ions they sit by the bedside of the invalid in her
home, and give her readings from the newest book
or the latest paper-everywhere they seem to be
pressing themselves to the front; and it appears to
me that they have every encouragement to fit them-
selves for some sort of congenial work, and to fit
themselves well."
"I have just been looking over the Report of the
YOUNG WOMAN, GO WEST !"
33
women.
Commissioners of Education for 1881," said Mrs.
Wythe, “and my attention has been attracted by a
series of maps with which it is furnished. On one
of these I noticed that it is indicated that there is an
excess of white women in all of the States that touch
the Atlantic Ocean excepting Delaware, which has
one thousand more men than women, and Florida,
where the excess is four thousand. On the other
hand, I see that there is a very great excess of white
men in all the other States and Territories. It seems
to me, therefore, that Horace Greeley's threadbare
advice to young men might better be given to young
If they would Go West, they would
find themselves in the minority, the occupations
open to them would not be so crowded with appli-
cants of their own sex, and their chances would be
better for earning a good living. If they step over
from Virginia to Tennessee, or, better, to Kentucky,
they will find themselves and their services more in
demand. Texas has eighty-four thousand more men
than women and California one hundred and three
thousand more."
“Very good !" I was forced to exclaim. “I have
lately heard of a plucky young woman from crowd-
ed Massachusetts who has made a dash to the west-
ward and captured a good position as teacher in a
classical school at Helena, Montana. I am sure that
she will make her way in the world."
“Right, too, according to my map," said Mrs.
Wythe, "for there are but nine thousand women in
Montana, while there are nearly three times as many
mnen. The law of supply and demand may well lead
us to say, 'Young woman, go West ! »
3
34
DISCUSSING THE PAPER.
“We narrow the view," said I, “when we seek to
specialize education too much, fitting a person for
but a single occupation or for one department of
life only. We have at best but a limited view of
the possibilities of an immortal, and we do not fill
it to the utmost even when we do our best; and
which of us feels that she has ever done her best
for any considerable length of time? It is self-
denial, self-control, unselfishness, truthfulness, hon-
esty, practised in childhood, youth, and manhood,
which forms the characters of good children, noble
youth, honored citizens, good husbands, good old
maids, and good wives."
PREPARING FOR ORIGINAL PAPERS.
35
VII.
OTHER PAPERS.
The paper presented by Mrs. Elgin finally led to
the preparation of others by our members, but that
consummation was not immediately reached; not,
indeed, until the new year had almost half com-
pleted its second month, when Mrs. Lynch gave us
her views about bathing. We were, however, grad-
ually preparing for original compositions, though
when it was at first suggested that we might have
them with advantage some members said they "nev-
er could prepare them," and dark hints of resigna-
tions were thrown out by others.
In the mean time the meetings were kept up with-
out intermission. At one time Mrs. Berkeley read
an essay by Rev. Robert Collyer, entitled “The Chil-
dren are Tender, Lead on Softly," and we discussed
the relation between truth and accuracy and the im-
agination; at another Mrs. Hargrove read three let-
ters, by Mary Blake, on the “ Cultivation of a Liter-
ary Taste” by reading, and by causing children to
commit good poetry to memory, and on “Educa-
tion” and “Discipline.” At other meetings Mrs.
Follen read from the childless Herbert Spencer, on
the “Physical and Moral Government of Children,
and on “Diet," which gave us topics for discussion
and stimulated thought. It is singular to notice
36
OTHER PAPERS.
how much we looked to spinsters and bachelors for
our texts. Was it an unconscious tribute to the
truth of the adage, “Bachelors' wives and old maids'
children are always well governed ?" From what
cause I know not, but again we drank of the wise
observations of a single woman, when Mrs. Jayne
read from the essay of Miss Anna C. Brackett, on
the “Education of American Girls," and we discuss-
ed the subject of their clothing. Mrs. Washington
took us back two or three centuries when she read,
at another meeting, from the old philosopher Jolin
Locke, on the “Relation of Boys towards their
Fathers;" an important theme, which does not re-
ceive the thought it deserves. By an unaccountable
fancy we did not discuss it much at this time, but
took up the quite unconnected subject of “Dancing-
schools,” that topic of perennial interest that never
settles itself in the mind of any one of us to the sat-
isfaction of the rest.
The tenth meeting was held on the 20th of No-
vember, at Mrs. Hollins's house, and Mrs. Smythe
read a comforting extract from Rev. J. F. W. Ware's
book on the Mother's Influence.” We had been
obliged to discontinue our gatherings during the
hottest summer weather, and at this meeting began
the discussion of the preparation of original papers.
At the very next meeting, a fortnight later, Mrs.
Follen, with her usual conscientious willingness to
begin a good work which was not in all respects
pleasant, brought with her a manuscript from which
sheʼread us some thoughts that had occurred to her
on the subject of Companions. It led to much dis-
cussion, for it was a live topic treated by one whose
UNCONSCIOUS INFLUENCE.
37
circumstances did not differ froin those of the rest
of us, and it emboldened me to bring to the next
meeting some rather random suggestions regarding
Unconscious Influence, both by mothers and by the
environment of the child. These were not new top-
ics, and they had already been treated by able hands;
but I agreed with Mrs. Follen that we should derive
more benefit from the writing down of our own ex-
perience here in Abingdon than we should by read-
ing forever from the books of the wisest writers
who lived in New York, Boston, London, or else-
where, at the present day, or from the wisdom of
the ancients, albeit we did not wish to discard any
help that could be derived from such sources. We
discussed the influence of Taste at Home, and some
one related the instance of the woman who deplored
the fact that her boy would persist in following the
sea, and could not account for the origin of his fond-
ness for his dangerous calling until her minister
pointed to a spirited marine painting on the walls
of the home in which the young man had passed his
early and impressible years. The paper pointed out
the influence of servants, and showed how the very
tones of voice, as well as the inelegancies of expres-
sion, were communicated before the parents were
aware of it, and how difficult it sometimes is to
change habits thus formed. The power of the fa-
ther's profession over the boy and of the mother's
social habits over the girl were specially referred to,
and I tried to show that, though the child may be
the father of the man, the father and mother are
still inexpressibly influential in establishing his.char-
acter for time and for eternity.
38
A PAPER ON BATHING.
VIII.
A PAPER ON BATHING.
The new year found us at Mrs. Berkeley's listen-
ing to a reading on the “Discipline of the Observing
Faculties." Two weeks afterwards we were at Mrs.
Randolph's, where we had a paper on the “Habit of
Dawdling,” by our hostess, who showed its deleterious
results, and pointed out the manner in which it grad-
ually undermines the power of mental application.
The next meeting was at Mrs. Mason's, and Mrs. Shep-
ard read extracts from J. P. F. Richter's “Levana,
an appeal to mothers. This was followed at the next
meeting by Mrs. Lynch's paper on “Bathing."
“ The application of water to the whole body,"
she began, “which is included under the general
term "bathing,' is of many different kinds, each of
which has its own peculiar effects.
“The principal difference is in the temperature of
the water. The mode of application, also, is in some
cases important, but I shall treat it as subordinate to
the main difference, that of temperature. In regard
to this difference there are three kinds of bathing in
use-cold, hot, and tepid.
"In tepid bathing, the water is heated to 88° or
98° (Fahr.). Above 98º we have the hot bath, below
88º we have the cold, though we have none of the
peculiar effects of the cold bath in water above 75°
66
COLD AND WARM BATHS.
39
(Fahr.). In the cold bath the blood is driven vio-
lently from the surface back to the heart, and the
body is for an instant chilled; then the vital organs
are (in ordinary cases) stimulated to increased effort
to recover from this effect, which in itself is, of
course, deleterious, and a renewed and increased ac-
tivity of the circulation is the result. This shock,
like any other, may from its own violence or the
feebleness of the vital organs be too great for the
body to recover from immediately, and in such case
the circulation must be impaired. The violence of
the shock itself depends much upon the temperature
to which the body is accustomed, and the tempera-
ture of the body at the moment; and the power of
recovery depends upon the health or temporary con-
dition of the patient. If the bath is continued (after
a time which also varies with habit and with the con-
dition of the body), the power of recovery is ex-
hausted, and a chill, which is always injurious, is the
result. If the recovery is immediate, the increased
activity of the circulation continues, of course, with
more or less permanent benefit. The organs of the
skin having once adapted themselves to a sudden
decrease of temperature, find it easier to do so again,
so that the body is less liable to be injured by ex-
posure, and the power of resisting changes of tem-
perature is increased-or, as we say, the body is
Chardened' or 'toughened.'
“In warm or tepid bathing, on the other hand,
the circulation is gradually and gently excited, and
the skin softened, the pores opened and increased in
activity; and because the skin is more open the
body is more likely to be injured by exposure. The
40
A PAPER ON BATHING.
whole systein is softened by this form of bathing,
and may be enfeebled by its excessive use.
"In hot bathing there is a shock also, but of a
different kind. The blood, instead of being driven
away from the surface and then forced back witlı
violence by the natural effort to recover, is suddenly
and violently drawn to the surface, and the circula-
tion immediately quickened. Profuse perspiration
is thus induced at the same time that the whole sys-
tem is relaxed, and if the bath is long continued,
languor and exhaustion are produced.
“In sea bathing there is, in addition to the ordi-
nary shock of cold water, which is there more vio-
lent, a slight effect produced from the absorption of
the salts contained in solution in the water.
“It is clear that any applications to the body
which produce such considerable effects are not to
be trifled with, nor used ignorantly or indiscrimi-
nately. It is equally obvious that they are capable of
being used with very great advantage for the pres-
ervation of healtlı and vigor, as well as for effecting
cures in disease, and therefore they are too valuable
to be slightly regarded in the household. Of course,
in disease the application of the bath as a remedy
must be left to the direction of the physician; and,
as it is the hot bath which is usually employed in
this way, that cannot be recommended for indis-
criminate household use. For the ordinary influ-
enza colds of a northern climate I have found by
experience that a hot bath at night, taken with care
to avoid checking perspiration, and just before re-
tiring, is a most valuable remedy. A cold bath in
the morning should always be taken before exposure
AN OPEN QUESTION.
41
to the ordinary temperature, otherwise the increased
activity of the skin is almost certain to increase the
cold.
"In perfectly robust adults it seems evident that
cold bathing is a most valuable hygienic agency.
This is especially true in a northern climate, where
the changes of temperature are sudden and violent,
because, as has been said, the cold bath accustoms
the body to such changes. The cold bath, also, will
often supply the place of exercise for sedentary per-
sons. It can therefore be recommended as a constant
daily practice for any one who can bear it. The tepid
bath is useful for cleaning the skin and regulating
its functions, and is also effective after excessive fa-
tigue of the muscles, but can only be advantageously
used as an occasional stimulant on account of its en-
ervating after-effects.
“The only really open question as to the effect of
bathing, particularly cold and sea bathing, is as re-
gards the effect on feeble persons and children. On
these points there is great difference of opinion and
practice. Many intelligent persons make the daily
cold bath an almost religious observance, compelling
all their children, of whatever age and habit, to un-
dergo it regularly. Others, not less intelligent per-
haps, avoid cold water applied to the body as a dau-
gerous enemy. It must be said that the latter class
have, in general, the authority of physicians on their
side.
“It is probable, however, that the right practice
here, as in many other cases, lies between the two
extremes. It seems evident that infants and very
young children cannot, except in extraordinary cases,
42
A PAPER ON BATHING.
be subjected to cold bathing with impunity. The
high temperature to which their bodies are habitu-
ally accustomed, and which, as is generally agreed, is
necessary for their health and growth, must make so
violent a change hurtful to them. The shock itself
is greater to them on account of their habits, and, at
the same time, from want of practice their power of
adjusting the body to the change is less, as well as
the power of recovering from the shock; but there
is no reason to doubt that all children in ordinary
health can be accustomed by degrees to a cold bath
without injury. This should be done by gradually
lowering the temperature of the water from tepid to
say 750 to 60°. This should be done with the great-
est caution, and the effect carefully observed. There
seem to be no rules that can be laid down as appli-
cable to all constitutions. There remains no safe
course but to experiment on the particular constitu-
tion in question. It is always easy to notice if the
recovery from the shock is immediate or the reverse.
If the recovery be slow, then the bath in that case is
injurious, whatever the general rule in the matter
may be. The temperature of the room should al-
ways be rather higher than ordinary, in order to as-
sist in the recovery. The drying of the body should
be as speedy as possible, and be accompanied with
friction sufficient to excite a pleasant glow.
“If the bath be intended simply as an invigorating
agency (for which alone cold bathing is suitable), the
plunge seems best, as it certainly is the most power-
ful, and the recovery from it more nearly instantane-
The cleansing of children's bodies in such a
case must be secured in some other way, as by a sep-
Ous.
DRYING THE BODY.
43
arate warm bath, which can be continued as long as
desired.
“The sponge bath has some advantages and some
disadvantages. The body is not necessarily all ex-
posed to the shock at one time, and consequently it
is not so violent; but, on the other hand, the expos-
ure to the cold water is usually continued longer in
the use of the sponge, and some parts of the body
must necessarily be left with the water evaporating
from them while the others are gone over; so that,
unless special care is taken, a greater loss of temper-
ature is occasioned than in the instantaneous plunge.
“The greatest mistake usually made in the applica-
tion of the cold bath is continuing it too long. The
good effect is produced by the shock, and, except in
special cases, the continuance of the low temperature
is injurious. With vigorous persons the swimming
bath may be continued longer, for there the exercise
involved keeps up the circulation, but even in that
case the bath is very often too much prolonged.
“One of the most important things to be attended
to is the immediate drying of the body. A child,
therefore, should not be left to take a bath alone
until he has learned to dry himself quickly and thor-
oughly. The temperature of the room should also
be carefully noticed, and kept much higher than or-
dinary, as has been already suggested.
" In view of all that has been said, it would seem to
be the duty of every mother, and especially of those
living in a northern climate, to make the attempt to
accommodate her children gradually to the cold morn-
ing bath, so as to secure to them through life this
valuable hygienic practice. As to the age at which
44
A PAPER ON BATHING.
the beginning should be made, there will be a differ-
ence in different constitutions. The beginning might
be made at seven years, and the gradual process last
two or three years; and at least at the age of ten a
child should be able to bear the cold bath and to
profit by it.
“The douche and shower baths ought to be left to
be prescribed by the physician, for, though good ef-
fects are often obtained from them, yet they seem
too violent to be habitually used.
"Jean Paul says: “There is still another kind of
bath, hitherto unused, which would be very advan-
tageous both to parents and children. I mean a
thunder-storm bath. Physicians employ in their ex-
periments on nervous invalids electric air, electric
baths, electric plates; but thunder, or rather thunder-
water, they have not as yet prescribed. Have they
never experienced that a person never feels so fresh,
cheerful, and elastic as after a warm or tepid rain
has penetrated to the skin? Since human beings
feel so much in vigorated after a storm, and the world
of flowers still more so, why will they not receive the
fire-and-water baptism from above, and suffer them-
selves to be raised and healed by the wonder-work-
ing arm in the thunder-cloud ?' »
Mrs. Berkeley opened the discussion of this paper
by saying, “My physician has warned me that I
have been in danger of using up my child's vitality
by bathing her too frequently."
“My children,” said Mrs. Lee, “all plunge into a
cold bath the first thing every morning, regardless
of the thermometer."
Will Mrs. Lee please tell us,” said Mrs. Sharpe,
THE TRUE THEORY.
45
“if her children are rendered less liable than others
to cold, and if their general health is good ?”
“Their health is good,” Mrs. Lee replied, “and
colds are very infrequent with them, but, of course,
frequent bathing is not a preventive of contagious
and infectious diseases, of which they have their
share."
“And yet," interposed Mrs. Wythe, “I think there
is no doubt that children as well as older persons
who bathe frequently, especially in cold water, are
less liable to contagion and infection than others.
Is this not so ???
“Doubtless that is true," said Mrs. Emory. “It
is generally acknowledged to be a fact that a cold
bath acts as a tonic, and that would render the body
less vulnerable in such circumstances. The hot bath,
on the contrary, is debilitating in its effects."
“The true theory for young and old," said Mrs.
Mason, “is to take a warm bath once a week for
cleanliness, and a cold one every morning for invig-
oration."
“I agree with you, if by 'cold' water you mean
that from which the chill has been taken off," said
Mrs. Bristol; "and I should say that it is better that
one should take a sponge-bath than sit or stand in
the water."
" That is the doctrine of Dio Lewis, I believe," said
Mrs. Marshall.
"Nothing is more refreshing and wholesome,"
continued Mrs. Jayne, “than a thorough drenching
in a thunder - storm, providing the wet clothing be
immediately removed and the dampness quickly
rubbed from the body."
46
A PAPER ON BATHING.
In connection with this subject, the plan of allow-
ing children to go without shoes and stockings in
the summer was discussed as a means of health, but
not as a matter of taste. A physician was quoted as
strongly recommending the practice, but the meas-
ure was considered so extreme that it was dropped
without consideration, except as an idiosyncrasy of
the physician and his patient.
1)
EVILS OF A
SPICED APPETITE."
47
IX.
THE VEXED QUESTIONS OF AMUSEMENTS AND
SUNDAY OCCUPATIONS,
WHEN the club met at my house, towards the end
of. February, when the mothers were at the height
of the social season, Mrs. Brattle read a short essay .
on “Amusements," that vexed question which has
probably troubled the careful mother ever since the
"good old days" passed away, in which demure chil-
dren grew up to be sturdy men and vigorous matrons
on the soul-ravishing pages of the Shorter Cate-
chism and the New England Primer. The writer,
though far from sympathizing with the rigidity of
our forefathers and foremothers, thought that in our
day children have too much done to excite and amuse
them, and gave us as her motto in the matter, “Few
companions, few playthings, few books.” As some
of us thought of the groaning counters of the city
book-stores at Christmas-tide, and the difficulty found
in making a proper choice, and of the “spiced appe-
tite,” as old Dan Chaucer calls it, which results from
the confections of the professional children's book-
maker, we were ready to agree with the counsel to
have few books.
"Doubtless the character of the former genera-
tions was strong," said Mrs. Sharpe, “and it was
formed on the basis of the triad of Mrs. Brattle; and
yet, I think we would all of us be of the opinion, if
48
AMUSEMENTS AND SUNDAY OCCUPATIONS.
66
we had been privileged to make their personal ac-
quaintance, that a little more of the suaviter inight
profitably have been mixed with the fortiter of their
composition.'
Some one asked, "What sort of amusement is the
best for a girl of twelve whose mother objects to
sociables ?" and the reply was, “ We must live with
our children more." This brought out the opinion
that mothers already live with their children too
much, draining their strength without adding to that
of the rising generation.
“Is not our strength given to us for them, and is
there any higher duty for a mother than to cultivate
the serenity of her children and devote all her en-
ergies to their development ?" asked Mrs. Berkeley.
'No, good friend,” replied Mrs. Sharpe; “ this
makes our children fretful and selfish, and after
a while mamma is considered a convenience and
nothing more."
“The tendency of the time," added Mrs. Follen,
“is to do too much for our children, and thus there
is little room left them for the development of their
own individuality.”
“My view is just the opposite," interposed Mrs.
Washington. “My greatest pleasure consists in hay-
ing my children entirely dependent on me; and,
grown as my daughter is, I like to hear her ask,
Mamma, what shall I wear to-day? What shall I
do in this case ? »
“Do you not by that course derive your pleasure
at the expense of your child's growth ?" inquired
Mrs. Lee.
At this point the president called the attention of
THE OLD-FASHIONED DISCIPLINE.
49
99
the club to the fact that the subject under discussion
was “Amusements," and no one was enlightened by
Mrs. Washington's reply to the point raised by Mrs.
Lee, which some of those who lieard it thought was
well taken.
“When we were children," Mrs. Lee continued,
we were obliged to furnish our own entertainment,
and frequently had to steal it, both at home and at
school."
« The reaction has certainly been very great,"
added Mrs. Emory, "for schools are made so attrac-
tive now that vacation is actually unwelcome to the
children, and the very tasks, as we used to call
them, are so changed as to make them like sugar-
coated pills, except in this—that by no accident is
the child ever made acquainted with the fact that
there is a pill."
“ The old-fashioned discipline," said Mrs. Mason,
produced sterling men and women, as Mrs. Sharpe
has remarked, and as our self-consciousness tells us
every day! It remains to be seen what will be the
character of the children of the coming generation
with all that is done for them."
Mrs. Hargrove attempted to throw some light
upon the subject, perhaps from her experience with
a children's party which she had given not long be-
fore, and said, "It is true that the intense lives our
children lead tend to make them nervous as they
press from one play to another. The mingling of
many children from different families has a similar
effect. I am at times tempted to sigh for the good
old days when the ten or more children of one fam-
ily did not need to bring in the entire community
4
50
AMUSEMENTS AND SUNDAY OCCUPATIONS.
to help them have a good time on holidays or in
rainy weather.”
“ Then your remedy for modern nervousness
among children would be large families ?" quizzi-
cally asked Mrs. Randolph, whose voice had not
been often heard in our discussions. The club
smiled, but no one took further notice of the sug-
gestion, which would, of course, have been approved
by those who had families of ten or more, of whom,
I believe, there was not one in the club.
“My theory,” said Mrs. Berkeley, taking up the
thread of the discussion where it liad been dropped,
“is that the home belongs to the children as much as
to us. We make it for them, and fill it with arti-
cles according to our own taste, indeed, but that are
intended for their education and comfort. After
making such provision, pray let us not follow the
example of our foremother's, and require them to
play in the streets, and feel that they must get
leave' whenever they wish to bring a child from
another house within the sacred and inviolable pre-
cincts of home.”
“One word for our foremothers," interposed Mrs.
Hollins. “We must not forget that the street of
to-day is not that which they knew before the great
increase of our towns had brought to our doors a
mixed population such as they never could have
dreamed of."
“Children should be kept employed,” I remarked,
“under the direction of an older mind, while the
fact that there is such supervision should, as far as
possible, be kept from their knowledge. Thus they
would not be taught to over - estimate their impor-
SUNDAY DISLIKED.
51
tance, and self-consciousness—that bane of Amer-
ican social life-would not be cultivated as it now
often is."
“By no means let a child be always occupied,"
interposed Mrs. Randolph, quickly; "but arrange
that it should have an opportunity to be entirely
alone for at least half an hour every day, and see
that the opportunity be taken advantage of.”
“What !” exclaimed Mrs. Mason, in a tone of dis-
may. “Pat a young girl once a day a half-hour en-
tirely alone? Why, a perfectly healthy girl would in
six months under such treatment become morbid,
delicate, and probably a confirmed invalid !"
“Time was,” said the president, "when children
disliked Saturday because it was shadowed by the
foreboding of Sunday's gloom; but that is all gone,
and Sunday furnishes its own entertainments, some-
times too many of them even for our advanced
notions. The children who in the good old time were
confined to the enchanting stories and poetry of the
New England Primer, who learned that
In Adam's fall
We sinned all,
and that
David and Josias
All were pious'
(I quote from a scared memory), now have their
modern books adorned with the finest cuts, their talks
with papa, whose week-day work gives them at other
times but glimpses of his person; and often pleasant
visits from cousins and uncles and aunts, not to
mention even grandmother, whom the trend of the
52
AMUSEMENTS AND SUNDAY OCCUPATIONS.
times has almost swept from her moorings to the
past. Thus is the first day made the best of all.
Papa is at home the whole time, and mamma is able
to throw off the troubles and worries which all the
week trammel and sometimes distress her anxious
mind."
“How much and low little we should do for the
amusement of our children," said Mrs. Bristol, “es-
pecially when we take into consideration their vari-
ous temperaments, to say nothing of ever-changing
circumstances! Keep this cardinal rule always be-
fore you, I say, for them all: let no child over five
be without some imposed duty for each day, both
domestic and intellectual. Let nothing but illness
serve to excuse them from these duties, after which
may come simple, healthful amusements; thus avoid-
ing the question so familiar to us all, ‘Mamma,
what shall I do? »
“Perhaps it would be well,” said Mrs. Sharpe,
“that we should adopt our essayist's inotto with a
little amplification: A few books well selected, a few
friends well chosen, and a few playthings. Would
not our children then be better and more con-
tented ?!
“My family,” said Mrs. Way, " belongs to a large
circle of relatives, and on birthdays and at Christmas-
tide my children are flooded with gifts of all kinds.
I often wish that my friends would be more simple
in their selections, or would give money, that might
go into the savings-bank, for some day such accumu-
lations would be of use. At least they would not
have the bad effect of encouraging the children in
extravagant thoughts and habits."
9)
)
A WISE FATHER'S PLAN.
53
“I know a wise father," said I, who amused his
children in a way that has always appeared very
sensible. He employed a poor student to take his
children on Saturdays to visit shops and inanufac-
tories of various kinds, where they studied the dif-
ferent processes of carpet - weaving, glass - blowing,
pottery, sugar-refining-in short, all the work of that
kind to be found in a large city. Think of the ad-
vantage that would be felt all through life from
knowing the processes of so many different sorts of
handiwork, and of the intelligence arising from such
a practical education."
“While we are on this subject," inquired Mrs.
Jayne, "I should like to be informed what we are to
do with our half-grown boys and girls in the long
summer vacations, if we continue to frequent board-
ing-houses and hotels as we do now."
“If I had means," I answered, as no one else
seemed ready, and the subject was one to which I
had given some thought, “I should each year take a
young tutor with me, who should join in the walks,
drives, and plays of the children, allowing them to
be generally occupied. In this way, being seldom
idle, they would learn to observe nature and to take
pleasure in it. One year they should learn botany,
another zoology, another the geography of the heav-
ens, and all should be interspersed with rowing, fish-
ing, climbing, and so on. This, of course, presup-
poses wealth ; and if the parents be in simpler cir-
cumstances, the mother would find it to her account
to make herself as much as possible the companion
of her children in their rambles, studying herself the
different subjects in which she can interest them."
54
AMUSEMENTS AND SUNDAY OCCUPATIONS.
“An educated, sympathetic mother," continued
Mrs. Sharpe, “is one of the greatest powers in the
universe; and if she train her children to be useful,
helpful, unselfish, industrious, smaller demands will
be made upon her to amuse them, and the question
will less often be asked, “How shall I entertain my
little ones?"
“In spite of all this discussion," sighed Mrs.
Smythe, “a difficulty still shadows my mind that
alone I am not able to solve. It is closely connected
with the development of my boys. Perhaps some
one can give me help. Again and again I receive
invitations to parties for each of my boys, whose ages
range from four to sixteen. I cannot say "No,
and off they go to heated rooms, where they spend
several hours in hard play and great excitement and
confusion-having a good time'—that leaves them
tired, and perhaps cross, for days after. These are
not so bad, however, as those to which their older
brother must go, with kid gloves, and remain until
eleven or twelve, aping the manners of older men,
dancing in solemn and perked-up fashion, instead of
enjoying such dear old 'teas' as their mother used
to attend, when the boys and girls we all knew well
(including, I will say in parenthesis, my children's
father who was to be) played and talked informally
and naturally."
“Shall we, then," asked Mrs. Randolph,“give up
tea - parties for all the Abingdon children because
they disagree with Mrs. Smythe's boys?"
“There is one father who would approve Mrs.
Smythe's old teas, I am sure," said Mrs. Marshall," for
I happened to hear him say that he thought that the
RESULT OF A TEA-PARTY.
55
5
Abingdon clubs and sociables were the cause of the
few marriages among us; and it seems that matri-
mony was the outcoine of the old teas—at least in
one instance."
"I am old enough to confess,” responded the lady
referred to," that George and I did begin the ac-
quaintance that resulted in our marriage at one of
the teas I mentioned, but it was not on that account
that I spoke well of them.”
“I doubt not, however, that you have always had
a kindlier feeling for the old institution," remarked
Mrs. Randolph, “because Providence brought you
and your good husband together there."
Perhaps so," replied Mrs. Smythe. “In reply
to the question you asked before, I would say that
I do not wish any change made in our social customs
for the sake of my boys, except as they are represen-
tatives of a race of young people who are having
their lives cramped and distorted, who are becoming
more and more unnatural as they too early experi-
ence the blighting influences that darken our own
social lives. Give them simple, early tea-parties, in-
vite them often to luncheon and to dinner, a few at
a time with the family, but never inflict upon the
young the falsity and hypocrisy of a fashionable
party."
“I am reminded," said Mrs. Sharpe, as the mem-
bers began to prepare to go home,“ of a father and
mother who called one day in the week children's
day,' and allowed the young people to give three or
more invitations to the family dinner. The guests
were expected to remain until eight o'clock. The
father gave up all other engagements for that part
.
56
AMUSEMENTS AND SUNDAY OCCUPATIONS,
of the day, the mother arrayed herself in her most
becoining manner, and both devoted themselves en-
tirely to make the occasion a success.
“That plan is a good one, no doubt,” said Mrs.
Hollins,“ but it would be simply impossible for Mr.
Hollins, with his numerous engagements, to adopt it.
Would that it were not!"
“No plan that we can bring forward,” Mrs. Har-
grove replied," can be practicable for all of us, nor
can we hope to come to positive conclusions in our
discussions. Our essayists may be positive enough
-and it is to be hoped they always will give us
thoughts that they have faith in-but we miss the
object of our discussions if we expect that they can
lay out for us a plan of action that can be dogmat-
ically expressed and exactly followed.”
HOW THE DISCUSSION RAN.
57
X.
ABOUT HOLIDAYS, AND MORE ABOUT SUNDAYS.
FROM this point I shall not continue to give in de-
tail the records of all the meetings of the club. In
the lapse of time the original papers are not all ob-
tainable, and there was frequent recurrence at one
time and another to subjects which had at other
times been discussed—which, in a record that is to
be in the hand of the reader as a whole, would prove
wearisome and deficient in unity. Though it was
mental stimulus and not literary continuity that we
sought in our gatherings, there was much more life
in the actual discussion and re-discussion of the same
topic than could be put into the printed page by fol-
lowing the meetings step by step as they were held
week after week during a series of years.
Two sessions were given to the subject of Sunday,
its mode of observance and influence. At the first,
held at Mrs. Shepard's, Mrs. Hollins gave form to
the discussion by reading from Dr. Bushnell's book,
entitled “Holidays and Sundays," in which the strict
orthodox use of Sunday was deprecated-playthings
were recommended for the little ones, and a study
of the geography of Palestine for the older children.
All agreed that the day should be so observed as to
leave a bright and attractive impression.
The second occasion was devoted to the reading
58
HOLIDAYS, AND MORE ABOUT SUNDAYS.
and discussion of an essay by Mrs. Kate Gannett
Wells, by Mrs. Berkeley. In this paper the impera-
tive need of the day of rest was emphasized, and the
importance of making it happy. The essayist thought
that simplicity in the table would tend to conduce
to a more intellectual and spiritual state of mind,
and was to be recommended. The rest of the day
should be earned by due labor on the other days of
the week, and the mother could not expect her chil-
dren would pass it profitably unless she were willing
to help them by some sacrifice on her own part.
The old fashion of keeping the child confined dur-
ing long sessions of Sunday-school and church ser-
vice at one time was thought to be too severe for
the child, and the strain consequent upon it seemed
one cause why it looked upon religion and death as
sad and doleful. The truth that the little one could
appreciate the life and character of the Saviour more
perfectly than some have thought, was stated.
“Sunday," said Mrs. Hollins, “is the hardest day
of the week for me, because I am most anxious
that it should be bright and pleasant. My little
son does not like to go to church, and I am unwill-
ing to force him, but still I often worry all through
the service, wondering whether I do right in not
obliging him to go with me.”
"My experience,"continued Mrs. Mason,“ is singu-
larly opposed to yours. My child is as desirous to
go as yours is to remain at home. He enjoys the
service very much, but, as not one word of the ser-
mon is understood by him, I do not feel that I can
expect him to keep quiet. I trust he does not dis-
tract my neighbors, but the effect upon me is not
FORCED TO ATTEND CHURCE.
59
composing, to use a mild term, and sometimes I come
home actually exhausted by my efforts to keep him
still."
“I think you both wrong,” Mrs. Berkeley inter-
rupted, speaking with some warmth. “I decply
sympathize with the poor little creatures who are
forced to attend church, to swing their tired little
feet over a bench, and listen to a string of words
which to them have no meaning, and to rise and sit
and bow at intervals, in imitation of their elders,
while they might be happy in the sunshine and the
air with no one a whit the worse."
Mrs. Marshall, who had listened to the words of
the others with evident interest, now remarked, in
her deliberate and positive manner, “A child un-
derstands very quickly; and the unseen Father can
be distinctly appreciated by a little one (not that I
mean that any of us can really appreciate Him
fully) if the wise earthly parent says, 'My son, this
is God's house. We are God's people. We bow
our heads to thank Him that He is our good Fa-
ther. The minister is God's man, telling us how to
live and behave. The quiet order, the reverent
manner of parents and congregation, will impress
the little one, and, above all, the habit of being iden-
tified early with God's people will be established.
This habit will prove one of the anchors of charac-
ter in later life."
“I am reminded," I interposed, “that a distin-
guished lecturer, whom I heard speak on a kindred
topic, impressed his hearers deeply by showing them
that parents owe it to their children to teach them
to form the habit early. He said: "Suppose we
60
HOLIDAYS, AND MORE ABOUT SUNDAYS.
carry the reasoning applied to church-going into
other departments of discipline or training. The
day begins, for instance, and the little one objects
to allowing the mother or nurse to comb its hair.
The mother says, “Let him alone. It will make
him nervous. We will not worry him. By-and-by,
when he is older, he will observe that other people
brush the hair, and then he will allow it done for
him. His individuality will be ruined if we at his
tender age try to force him to be like others.” Thus
the child grows up with careless habits. When he
should go to school, the logical parent must reason
on the same line, and the boy must not be forced,
but waited upon until the desire for learning comes.
Will it come? Let us compare him, the lecturer
continued, 'with the little fellow who has walked
proudly to church by the side of his father whom
he reverences, has there bowed before the Father
whom he but dimly comprehends, whom he knows,
perhaps, only as he sees Him figured in the earthly
parent at his side, and ask ourselves which stands the
best chance of growing up as we would have him.'”
6 No doubt the lecturer's conclusions were cor-
rect,” remarked Mrs. Randolph, "and I would be
the last one to oppose them; but I cannot help
thinking that the argument is ad captandum, for
there is an essential difference between taking a
child to church, where he is to get mental and spir-
itual culture, and washing his face or combing his
hair. Mrs. Mason and Mrs. Berkeley object to tak-
ing the child to church because, by reason of his
immaturity, he does not get the good that church-
going is calculated to furnish. The benefit arising
POWER OF GOOD HABITS.
61
from washing the face, on the other hand, accrnes
to the youngest child. It is in no way dependent
upon the condition of its understanding. I hold
that the argument is fallacious, though I do not
quarrel with the conclusion. If we can form a good
habit, we had better do it, provided we do not run
risk of confirming the spirit of opposition which
has been mentioned. We hear a great deal of stress
laid upon the power of bad habits, and it must not
be allowed to lead us to forget that good habits are
equally strong in their influence over us.”
any
62 CHOICE AND USE OF BOOKS BY CHILDREN.
XI.
THE CHOICE AND USE OF BOOKS BY CHILDREN.
The nineteenth meeting was held at Mrs. Mason's,
and the hostess read a paper by Mrs. C. J. Joy, of
Lynchburg, on “The Choice and Use of Books by
Children."
“A large part of what we read, both in childhood
and maturity," she began,“ we forget. This is, no
doubt, soinetimes a matter for regret; yet, on the
whole, hardly a fact to be deeply deplored, since it
is not by what we forget, but by what we remember,
that we are chiefly affected, and there is probably
(with exceptions, no doubt) a 'survival of the fittest,
even in things of memory; so that, in general, we
remember best that which is best worth remem-
bering.
“Books are but one of the many educating influ-
ences that surround us from infancy to age; and
nearly everything we can say about the methods of
using and choosing them can be said of other things
as well. I have, therefore, little to offer this after-
noon beyond the consideration of a few old books
in connection with a few old maxims-familiar pre-
cepts for education, verified by familiar facts of ex-
perience--in the hope that they may assist us in
giving to our children something of the great pleas-
ure and the great help of books.
FAIRY TALES,
63
“To this end, let us first remember the force of
habit, and make sure that, so far as we have power
to prevent it, no desultory, enervating habit of read-
ing become established in the child, and no un-
worthy taste engendered, to cut him off from pleas-
ure and help alike.
“Next, let us remember that from the use of the
best materials the best results are to be obtained.
From the best books the greatest help and pleasure
are to be had. Let us see to it, then, that the time
and energy which excellence ought to claim be not
wasted on mediocrity. Further, the best book the
child can comprehend is always the best for him;
and thus our selection ought by no means to be
confined exclusively to what are called children's
books.
“Let us further bear in mind, in making our selec-
tions, that books themselves obey the law of the 'sur-
vival of the fittest. We may often best serve our
purpose and save time by taking an old in prefer-
ence to searching for a new one.
"Lastly, before we pass to a rapid review of our
subject matter, let us remember that education is
not a putting in, but a leading out, and that there-
fore we should consult the natural bent and inclina-
tion of the reader, and find in them the clew that
will enable us to use books as a means of true edu-
cation.
FAIRY TALES.
“The child's delight in the world of fairies has long
seemed to me to be the crude and inarticulate ex-
pression of a consciousness early awakened in him
that there is something better than is shown him by
64 CHOICE AND USE OF BOOKS BY CHILDREN.
66
the world of experience. It is as if the very young-
est had a perception which is forever saying to the
world he sees and knows, 'This is not the best that
can be, not the best that will be; somewhere far off,
undiscovered, are better, brighter things than these.'
It is, I think, in this dim consciousness, in the half-
formed longings awakened by it, that we find the
secret of the special fascination of the fairy tale. Is
it not because of a perception of better possibilities
in all things that the unrealized ideal claims our loy-
alty in maturer years ? Do we not owe to it, in part,
our faith in immortality ? Must we not still make
our appeal to it long after the child has ceased to
seek and find the better possibilities in fairy-land, if
we would have education not only a leading out, but
a leading on and up as well ?
Among the fairy tales, the old familiar ones
Beauty and the Beast, Cinderella,' and the
many like them that we know so well, and the
· Arabian Nights'—are better than any of modern
times. They are better because of a certain inatter-
of-fact realism in the style in which they are told
which almost compels belief. Their modern succes-
sors generally lack this. They either make the child
suspect a lesson when he wants a story, by weaving
in an obvious moral, or they puzzle him by a mock-
ing tone that sounds as if the story-teller were laugh-
ing at his own tale. Still, there are among them sev-
eral that we could ill spare from our children's li-
braries, as, for example, Andersen’s ‘Märchen,' and
that pretty dream, Alice in Wonderland' (which
is, I think, a work of high talent). The ‘Pearl
Fountain,' a recent publication by the sisters Kay-
THE AGE OF FABLE.
65
anaugh, has a good deal of the charm of its ancient
prototypes, among which I ought not to have omit-
ted Grimm's German Popular Tales.
"TALES OF MYTHOLOGY.
"When the fairy tale is outgrown, and perhaps be-
fore, we should make the child acquainted with some
of the fables of the Greek mythology, which ex-
pressed the religious faith of earlier ages, and in-
spired the most perfect art and some of the noblest
literature the world has ever known. Charles Kings-
ley's Heroes' is one of the worthiest introductions
to the classic fables; and for very little children, Nie-
buhr's Tales of Ancient Greece,' written for his
little son, are excellent. Our own Hawthorne has,
indeed, done much towards putting them within the
reach of modern children ; but then Hawthorne is a
magician, and what he touches he transforms. As
he has called out of modern life and most familiar
things and places, weird, ghostly suggestions and ef-
fects, so, almost as if in a spirit of perversity, he has
treated the classic theme-modernized, familiarized
it. It is as if some one had tried quaint effects on an-
tique statuary by draping it in modern coats and hats.
Truly there is liumor, picturesqueness, poetry in the
Wonder-book' and 'Tanglewood Tales, but they
have never seemed to me native to the subject, and I
think they should be given to the child after, not as
his introduction to the classic mythology. T. B. Bul-
finch's 'Age of Fable,' as a compendium of the sub-
ject, is extremely convenient, and withal very inter-
esting. A. & E. Keary published an adaptation for
children of the Scandinavian mythology, taken from
5
66
CHOICE AND USE OF BOOKS BY CHILDREN.
the elder and younger Eddas, called the 'Heroes of
Asgard,' and the introduction of this book into my
own family a year ago quite marks a domestic era.
6. The British myths—the Arthurian legends and
those of the 'Quest of the Sangreal'—are thoroughly
fine. Mr. Bulfinch collected the best of them, which
were published in 1858 or 1859 under the title, “The
Age of Chivalry.' An intelligent child of eleven or
twelve would read, or certainly hear, this book with
enjoyment.
THE CHRISTIAN ALLEGORIES.
“Better than fairy tales, or classic fables, or Scan-
dinavian nyth are the two great Christian allegories
of our language, Bunyan's 'Pilgrim's Progress' and
Spenser's Faerie Queene. These the mother should
read aloud, as the child will want the help of expla-
nations; but rather because of the antiquated phrase-
ology than for the allegorical meaning. On the lat-
ter she need not dwell, unless his questions invite
her to do so, as he will read them not once, but many
tiines, and their beauty and deep meaning will more
and more unfold to his perception with advancing
years. They may associate themselves with, perhaps
they will awaken, some of the highest aspirations of
his life, and be all the deeper, all the dearer, to his
native sense, because of that halo from childish days
with which memory will surround them-
“'No fading, frail memorial.'
BOOKS OF IIISTORY.
“Were the child's reading to consist wholly of books
of this highly imaginative and fanciful description,
HISTORICAL READING.
67
it might possibly tend to a visionary habit of mind,
in spite of the fact that healthy childhood does not
readily fall into unhealthy dreaminess; but there
will be little danger of such a tendency, or, if it exist,
it will be corrected, if the imagination be addressed
in other ways as well. Especially can this be done
through history; and let it be, as far as practicable,
through those portions which bring individual lives
into the greatest prominence.
" The child is a sympathetic creature. Enlist his
sympathies for the man, and he will eagerly read the :
history that throws most light on the man. Let the
portrait be strongly drawn, and he will use the his-
tory of the period for its frame and setting. "Plu-
tarch's Lives' ought to be put within his reach by
the time he is ten or eleven years old, or while his
school course is beginning to make him acquainted
with the outlines of Greek and Roman history.
Without pausing to make suggestions for the many
interesting centuries, let me in this connection name
a little history of the War of Independence that was
published in the days of Centennial celebrations-
though, by-the-way, it does not illustrate especially
my principle of giving the child portraits before
pictures of the times. It is most readable, and full
of information, though the style is marred by a
slight commonness of language. Among the con-
scientious parents who compose the Mothers' Club
is one who found last summer that she, no less than
her children, had much to learn from 'The Boys of
$76,' by Charles Carleton Coffin.
68 CHOICE AND USE OF BOOKS BY CHILDREN.
STORIES OF ADVENTURE AND DARING.
« Stories of adventure and daring will always be
popular where there are boys to read them, who thus
pay their tribute of honest admiration to pluck, en-
terprise, readiness of resource, and very often, also,
to the fortitude which difficulty and danger have
called forth.
"Here I should say, with certain exceptions-nota-
bly 'Robinson Crusoe,' and 'The Swiss Family
Robinson'-let the rule for selection be fact, not fic-
tion. Fiction of this sort is apt to run over the line
that separates the improbable from the impossible,
and, by thus losing all worth of instruction and in-
formation, serves only to astonish and excite and
very often to mislead. I found lately a book of the
sort that I recommend which was simple enough in
style for very young children. The material of the
narrative is taken directly from M'Clintock's voyage
in the vessel, whose name is the title of the book,
"The Little Fox,' in search of Sir John Franklin's
missing party, in 1857-58. If it had been full of
wonders and surprises, it could hardly have been
read by my children with greater interest; yet it is
a simple story, siinply told, of privation bravely en-
dured, danger manfully encountered, and a limited
measure of success obtained, not by lucky turns of
fortune, but by steady perseverance under adverse
and depressing circumstances.
"Periodical literature, magazines, and even news-
papers, often contain narratives that belong in this
category, which, if their correctness be reasonably
well attested, and if the parent exercise proper dis-
POETICAL READING.
69
cretion in making selections, may well be read to
or by the child. The Atlantic Monthly published
about three years ago an account of Owen Brown's
escape from Harper's Ferry. In describing it no
word but that much used much abused one, thrill-
ing,' will come to my pen.
The article will well
repay a search through an old file of the magazine,
whatever one may think of the reckless raid. "Read
us that again,' has been said to me more than once
since the first reading, a year ago.
POETRY FOR CHILDREN.
“The first poetry that will interest the child will
probably be of the narrative sort, and that which
combines action with sentiment, or else that in
which the heroic element is prominent. Scott is, I
think, the best exponent among modern English
writers of what is at once simple enough to be
grasped by a child's. understanding, and elevated
enough to gratify his poetical perceptions; and I
should look to Scott more than to any other author
for the pleasure he will crave from verse long after
the nursery rhyme is outgrown, and while he is still
too immature to be reached by purely subjective
poetry. Next to Scott, I know no verse more de-
lightful to a child than Macaulay's 'Lays of Ancient
Rome?
In speaking of Spenser under the head of Alle-
gory, I anticipated what I should otherwise say here
regarding the 'Faerie Queene."
“I have known adults to go to sleep in the effort
to read Spenser's charming allegory," interrupted
Mrs. Francis, “and I fear that it would be not a lit-
70 CHOICE AND USE OF BOOKS BY CHILDREN.
tle difficult to entertain a young audience with his
long, thoughı poetical verse."
“Let me take advantage of the break in the read-
ing," added Mrs. Emory, "to say that I know a child
who could not bear to hear "Pilgrim's Progress'
read. She said that the descriptions of the horrid
giants’ frightened her.”
"I will not attempt to reply to these remarks for
Mrs. Joy,” said Mrs. Mason, as she proceeded with
the reading, “but I think that though it might be
difficult for us to interest our children generally in
the ‘Faerie Queene,' there would be few found who
would not be deeply interested in Bunyan's book.”
“ The Children's Treasury of English Song,' ed-
ited by Francis Turner Palgrave, and the Chil-
dren's Garland,' edited by Coventry Patmore,” Mrs.
Mason continued, returning to the essay, "are ex-
cellent collections of short poems. They contain a
number of pieces too subjective to be enjoyed before
the dividing-line between childhood and youth has
been crossed, but in other respects the selections are
made with good judgment and excellent taste. These
books are especially valuable on account of their
very full and judicious extracts from the grand old
English ballads, which children so much enjoy at an
age when “Percy's Reliques,' or any unexpurgated
collection, cannot with propriety be placed in their
hands. Both collections contrast refreshingly with
the majority of the so-called poetry books for chil-
dren, which are generally composed of a company in
which "Father William' and some petitioning robin
might fairly divide the oratorical honors.
RECORDS OF SUFFERING.
71
" PATHOS AND TRAGEDY.
“As it is often in poetry that pathos and tragedy
find their best expression, it may be well in this con-
nection to consider whether it be right to allow
these elements to enter into the child's reading.
The question is often asked, and I think it is a
perplexing one to many parents. For myself, I
can freely answer 'Yes,' if it be through reading
the records of suffering and death voluntarily in-
curred for the sake of those things that we be-
lieve to be worth living, worth suffering, worth dy-
ing for.
“To exclude from the child the knowledge that
all through time there have lived those who were
capable of these great sacrifices is to forbid him the
highest, holiest knowledge his reflecting powers can
contemplate, or his throbbing heart sympathize with.
Nothing so inspires nobleness as nobleness itself;
and I would have my child know something of the
tragedy, without which he cannot understand the
triuinph that is expressed in the familiar words,
faithful unto death ;' but never would I willingly
distress him by dwelling on that which is simply
painful without the redeeming element of heroism.
The ‘Babes in the Wood' is harrowing, the 'Wreck
of the Birkenhead' is sublime, especially where it
shows how they
C
'made women with their children go.
The oars ply back again, and yet again,
As inch by inch the drowning ship sank low,
Still under steadfast men,'
72 CHOICE AND USE OF BOOKS BY CHILDREN.
CHILDHOOD'S STORIES AND TALES.
“Let me, lastly, say one word about those stories
and tales that are the delightful forerunners of the
novels held in store for future years and more ma-
turity. We are often told that in these days we
must say good-bye to the favorites of our childhood
because, forsooth, they have become too slow, too
prosy for the boys and girls of the period. If this
be true, alas ! we must part company with a troop of
dear friends-parents of inexhaustible patience and
unfathomable wisdom, children who were the flow-
er of reverence, that some of us would gladly see
matched in the rising generation. Must we, indeed,
bid farewell to witty and wise Miss Edgeworth, and
say to “Frank' and 'Rosamond' and 'Simple Su-
san,' and the parent's numerous little assistants,
'You served your day and generation well; it was a
long one, but it is ended now; there is no place for
you but musty shelves? Not yet, I hope I believe.
These have still some lessons to teach and much
pleasure to give; but they are not in the present,
they will never be in the future, what they were in
the past. Whether they will survive more than one
generation more the signs of the times do not enable
us to discover.
“ The years that have passed since Miss Edgeworth
ceased to write-years that have seen the fame of
Thackeray and George Eliot-have brought the Eng-
lish novel of to-day to a far higher place in literature
than it ever filled before, and there is now a close
analogy between the novel and its childish counter-
part. Both present us representatives of the same
STORIES AND TALES OF CHILDHOOD.
73
types. We find one class in each, for instance, that
is possessed by the imp of flippancy; another by the
demon of sensationalisın; and a smaller and worthier
class that marks the direction of the best taste and
culture of the time. This class of books stands out
pre-eminent over their prototypes of a by-gone gen-
eration, chiefly, I think, in the great skill and deli-
cacy in character painting that they exhibit.
“Miss C. M. Yonge's children's stories illustrate
this remark in a notable way. Her “Richard the
Fearless,"Stokesly Secret,''Ben Sylvester's Word,
and 'Kenneth, or the Rear-guard of the Grand
Army,' are all made up of real, living children of the
kind that we should like to have friends of our own
little people. Miss Martineau, in a book of some-
what earlier date, the Crofton Boys, which is the
best story I know for boys and girls from eight to
twelve, has given some admirable character pictures.
It is not necessary to multiply examples.
“It is chiefly among contemporaries that we must
look for books of this delightful class. We must
choose with care in order to choose well, since we
cannot call to our aid the sifting, sorting, expurga-
ting hand of time, which alone establishes the claim
to a true renown, of which present popularity is nei-
ther the parallel nor the proof.
Popularity is only the expression of average
taste, the evidence of average tendency, and, there-
fore, essentially a thing of mediocrity. Hence we
must have a critical judgment, a careful selection, in
order to discover among contemporary works of fic-
tion what we may as certainly find there as elsewhere
for every child — some comrades and friends who
74
CHOICE AND USE OF BOOKS BY CHILDREN.
will help him to learn the lesson which it will be the
aim of all true education to teach him—to live loyal
to his best ideals."
“I would like to have a list of books to which
each member of the club should contribute," said
Mrs. Berkeley, when the reader stopped, "in order
that we might all know the favorites of the rest, and
also have a guide, when needing reading matter that
we could put into the hands of our children with
safety, not to say with advantage.”
“A good idea,” exclaimed Mrs. Wythe. “It is,
perhaps, not known to some that a plan like it has
been acted on by two different bodies interested in
Sunday-schools. I have seen a list of books recom-
mended to Unitarian Sunday-schools by a committee
of ladies in Boston, and another by an association in
some other place, composed of both men and women,
called the Church Sunday-school Book Society, which
publishes its opinions of books suitable for Episco-
pal Sunday-school libraries. I have also seen a list
of the sort prepared by a superintendent of public
schools for the use of teachers in directing the read-
ing of their pupils.”
“In my opinion," continued Mrs. Emory, "too
much is said of restricting children in their books.
I believe in allowing them liberty in selecting froin
the books owned by their parents, in the manner
described by Mrs. Browning in ‘Aurora Leigh.””
“What would you do with such thrilling books
as Hawthorne's Scarlet Letter ? »
“I believe that a child takes in but a part of what
it reads, and its immature experience is the measure
of what is appreciated and digested. In regard to
THE OLD TESTAMENT.
75
the volume you mention, the letter 'A' stands in the
child's mind only as a badge of dishonor, while its sig-
nificance as indicating a particular crime is not taken
in. The elevated literary style of the book will do
more good than the details of sin can do harm."
“It is somewhat similar to the effect of reading
certain portions of the Old Testament," said Mrs.
Sharpe. “We could not put the Bible into the
hands of our children were it not that their own
mental and moral purity is such that they cannot
fully appreciate the descriptions of sin that they are,
however, able.to read with impunity."
“Whether to follow the course recommended by
Mrs. Emory or not,” said Mrs. Bristol, “ depends
solely upon the good or bad effects on the child;
and, judging by my own experience, I should not
follow it with my children. The dreadful Quilps
and Uriah Heeps of Dickens familiarize their minds
with evil in so powerful a way that I propose to
keep authors of that character for more mature
years; and besides, in the case of such a writer the
young mind rarely appreciates the humor, and while
the story entertains, the finer traits of the work are
almost entirely missed."
“My objection to fairy tales," said Mrs. Brattle,
“is founded on their want of truth; and I wish to
instil that above all things, no less in books than
in conversation. The same objection holds good,
though in a less degree, against allegories.”
“No, no, Mrs. Brattle!" exclaimed Mrs. Shepard;
your plan will produce a one-sided culture. All
the pleasures of the imagination will be left out.
Teach the child to admire the ability of an author
76 CHOICE AND USE OF BOOKS BY CHILDREN.
to create children of his mind, and to make a world
unlike our own for them to inhabit. This work-a-
day world of ours is too prosaic, and fairy stories are
as necessary as poetry."
“Too much reading," I added, “is worse than too
little. It produces a selfish, listless habit that de-
ceives the child into the belief that, because he is
engaged in the praiseworthy occupation of reading,
he is to be excused from the performance of the lit-
tle duties and accommodations incident to the house-
hold economy.”
THE CLUB-FIRES KEPT BURNING.
77
XII.
ONE SEASON ENDS AND ANOTHER BEGINS.
A Few meetings may be passed over at the close of
the season, when we were getting ready for the usual
demoralizing summer hegira, as well as the first which
were held when vacation was over; for our members
began to leave for the watering-places very early, and
the attendance both at the end of the season as well as
at its beginning was always apt to be irregular. But
two original papers were read during this interval.
At one time Mrs. Follen read interesting extracts
from Bertha Meyer, on “Moral Education," and at
another Mrs. Berkeley gave us, at Mrs. Smythe's, a
paper on the “Relation between the Child's Physical
Condition and Outward Actions,” based upon Hux-
ley's assertion that naturally children should be hap-
py; that if they were happy they were sure to be
good. The line of thought led to remarks about the
length of school sessions, the necessity of ventilation,
and the desirability that parents should not be too
cxacting when the child is tired or out of sorts.
At another time, when but six members were pres-
ent, a very interesting meeting was held, at which
Mrs. Follen gave diversity to the programme by
reading, for Mrs. Lee, an article on the topic that Mrs.
Elgin had once treated," How to Train our Sons to
become. Good Husbands," followed by a brief article
78
ONE SEASON ENDS AND ANOTHER BEGINS.
from Lippincott's Magazine on “Petty Hindrances,”?
and by Mark Twain's “Toast to Babies.”
Thus the few faithful souls kept the club fires
burning while the many were on the mountains or
at the sea-shore.
After we had all returned, and had begun the series
of social and household duties for the season, on the
7th of January, 1880, we met in force at Mrs. Har-
grove's, and Mrs. Follen essayed to check the impet-
uosity of our lives by an essay entitled “The Hurry
of our Lives, and how it may be in some Measure
Avoided."
‘My subject," she began, “is “The Hurry of our
Lives, and how it may be in some Measure Reme-
died. It was suggested to me by my own experi-
ence mostly, by that of some others, and partly by
reading some words of Marion Harland's, which are
more forcible than any of mine; and I propose to
complete my reading with them, unless they are al-
ready familiar to you.
Every day I say, in excuse to myself or others
for some neglected duty or opportunity, 'I have no
time, I am so driven, so hurried. Many of you
have, perhaps, made the same plea. Do you not
often feel overpowered with the crowd of little en-
gagements, little duties, little cares, with, most of all,
the feeling that there is nothing to show for all the
labor, that we have not done what we meant to do,
that so much has been aimless and unprofitable? Is
this the ideal life we all want to live? Is there not
some serener, nobler way, some way that, perhaps,
we think a dear friend has attained, on whose steady,
well-ordered course we look with longing ?
A DAY OF HOUSE-KEEPING.
79
а
“We shall be told, 'Oh, of course a mother of a
family can do nothing else but take care of it.
baby, for instance, is so absorbing; do go and take
a nap, and never mind whether things are attended
to or not, and more of the same kind; but still the
vision of that better life, that more excellent way,
will float before our minds and stir our drowsy con-
sciences.
“I suppose that many a day's record would read
like this: a hasty bit of house-keeping, directions
for dinner, and a word about sweeping the attic; a
trip to town for shopping, some friend drops in, or
you receive a formal caller; little things fill the brief
spaces between, and lo, the day is gone! The hour
for the good-man to arrive has come, the children's
tea, the evening with some engagement, or, perhaps,
only a newspaper to read-only this, but the time
has all slipped away. You seem to have done little,
and yet feel tired—tired to death, we often say. A
crowd of undone things looms up before our eyes,
and the only relief is found in closing those organs
until another morning brings a repetition of the
story. All the work is harmless, even good. Did
not the blessed woman of Solomon's tiine make her-
self coverings of tapestry, clothing of silk and pur-
ple, and perceive that her merchandise was good ?
Oh, happy result of our wanderings from shop to
shop, from butcher to baker and, perhaps, to candle-
stick - maker, when we too perceive that our mer-
chandise is good!
“What, too, is better and pleasanter than a half-
hour's chat with a real friend who shares our difi-
culties and tells us her own? I cannot say much for
80
ONE SEASON ENDS AND ANOTHER BEGINS.
the formal call, but even that may be the entering
wedge of a long friendship, or give refreshment
through some intellectual gleam, some solid thought,
or some sparkle of humor. Yet it is unsatisfactory.
All is hurriedly done, half-done. We hardly feel
that we have made any real progress, have gleaned
any sheaves from the day's harvest.
“The next day is, perhaps, rainy, and is spent in
sewing, for which we have good authority again in
the Proverbs, and baby's dress has fifteen tucks, or
his sister's some marvel of side-plaiting or ruffling.
Our eyes are pleased, though weary, and there are
still heaps of unfinished sewing in the basket, even
with a machine to the fore. Is this day better spent?
And shall to-morrow be like it? Shall we be always
in a hurry and always behindhand with our work?
“I have spoken of our sympathizing friends who
urge us to rest and to take life more easily, but there
are others who, on the contrary, urge new duties on
us. They are charities, perhaps; not the old-fash-
ioned kind—alms-giving done at the door in a trice
--but visiting the poor, teaching in the sewing school,
cutting garments for the industrial school; or it is
“suffrage,' now for school committee, now for tem-
perance, and, after that, an unknown political vista
opens! Are we giving up the music we once loved
so much and found so much pleasure in? Oh
come,' says our friend, take lessons, play duets.'
'Why don't you come to see me?' asks the next
friend, reproachfully. The train up the road (or
down it) will take you directly to our station, and
our horses are always ready to carry you to my door.
Pray, do come over and see me.'
3
OH, WE HAVE NO TIME!"
81
“Strongest appeal of all come the words of Froe-
bel, echoed daily in our homes: Come, let us live
with our children. Are we doing that? or are they
crowded out of our companionship, to their loss and
oh, to ours? The sweetness of infancy, the drollery
of childhood, pass from our little army so quickly!
The nurse has the best hours, the sweet words that
the mother best knows how to enjoy, the intimate
knowledge that she cannot spare. The school-teach-
er has the guidance of mind and heart. We let them
slip from us. The years fly by, and they are gone!
We never can make them little ones again!
“So the voices call, and to them all we make the
saine answer: 'Oh, we have no time--the sewing,
the house-keeping, you know– Two stern answers
come down to us from the past: 'You have all the
time there is,' and, “If you want time, make it.'
Our excuses fade away in their uncompromising
light, our halting words die on our lips. Some-
thing is wrong in our lives. Can there be no help
found on this question? Is it impossible to see
the way to that serenity which seems so sweet, so
excellent, a virtue? the serenity that comes from
duties done, not from overlooking the undone, which
is a kind of serenity that shows only the heedlessness
and emptiness of the character.
“Now, I must suggest some remedies, some ways
of 'making time,' that most desirable article, and ask
you to suggest others. My first thought is that there
should be an endeavor after system and method in
'oúr arrangements; that the day's work should be
planned beforehand, the day mapped out, as it were.
The plan is, of course, of little value if not adhered
6
82
ONE SEASON ENDS AND ANOTHER BEGINS,
to, and we must not allow our occupations to be at
the mercy of other people. Let this plan include a
time for rest, for reading, for out-of-door exercise,
be the moments ever so few; and, if only for the
sake of order and method, keep as nearly as possible
to those times. When an unavoidable disturbance
turns us all topsy-turvy, let us yield gracefully to the
inevitable, but, like the stream, wind around the ob-
stacle and again pursue our course.
“My second remedy is to keep our standards with-
in the limits of a reasonable possibility. In the
Christian life, in the pursuit of goodness, perfection
may be our aim, and healthy stimulus only results
from keeping the fair, unattainable vision in sight;
but oh, my sisters, do not try to give all your en-
ergies to your children, to their training and enjoy-
ment; to your husband's comfort and pleasure; to
your friends, seeking their companionship and enter-
ing into their life; to your house-keeping--that your
dwelling may be the cleanest, best arranged, your
servants well trained, your cooking most delicate
and varied, your hospitality abundant, your calls all
duly made; to keeping up with the news of the day,
and rubbing bright the intellectual powers with the
friction of fresh reading and study-do not think to
do all this, and yet keep out of the retreat for the
nervously prostrated.
“Rather, wisely leave a margin of tiine between;
leave spaces for rest, cut off the unnecessary calls,
the formal acquaintances, set a limit to your devo-
tion to husband and children, and keep your plan
within, well within, the bounds of possibility-often
indicated by weak health and impaired energies.
DON'T TUCK THE BABY'S DRESSES.
83
Face the facts, and arrange your affairs accordingly.
The familiar, friendly visiting is too delightful to be
curtailed, and we have only too little of it; but, if
we ourselves had certain hours set apart for it, would
it not be even more delightful? If we limited our-
selves to the afternoon or noon hours for that pleas-
ure, should we not gain by it?
'My next suggestion relates to sewing. Some of
us do more, some less, of that. Some like the em-
ployment, while to others it is a painful drudgery.
Some say, 'It must, alas ! be done;' others, 'Oh, but
I love to do it!' To the first class I would say, make
the sewing, then, as easy as you can. Don't tuck the
baby's dresses. Don't do hand-sewing because it is so
much prettier than machine-work. Consider in your
own dress and in your children's what is most effec-
tive and least laborious; rely on beauty of fit, on
color, texture, rather than on elaborate trimming
(and many of these are a delusion and a snare—such
as double-pipings, side-plaitings, ctc., looking so sim-
ple and taking so much time); and, for your own
sake and your neighbors', keep to a Christian sim-
plicity in your adorning. Think, when you begin
your seiring, “Is this the best way I can spend these
golden hours, seeing that I am not a machine to turn
out fine stitching? Is this best for me, an educated
woman, with talents and capacity partially developed
and waiting free exercise, with children whose edu-
cation rapidly gains upon my own, who would enjoy
my co-operation and sympathy? Shall the difference
between exquisite hemming and judicious slighting
use up the moments that might be given to music,
reading, or a romp with the children? Will the fact
84
ONE SEASON ENDS AND ANOTHER BEGINS.
>
6
of my being said to dress “beautifully," or to keep
my children looking "so nice," reward my efforts or
justify me in the presence of iny conscience ?
“Here let me quote a striking sentence from Miss
Beecher that occurred in my reading, and lingers in
my memory :
«No woman has a right to put a stitch of orna-
ment on any article of dress or furniture, or to pro-
vide one superfluity in food, until she is sure she can
secure time for all her social, intellectual, benevo-
lent, and religions duties.
“Ruskin says it is a woman's duty to dress
charmingly. May not this be true, and yet not
irreeoncilable with the sterner statement just quoted ?
One's own conscience must work out the problem.
I ask only that sewing and dress be referred to con-
science and not guided by fashion, or by the tradi-
tions of our grandmothers—those ladies of infinite
leisure.
"My last suggestion may sound to you sentimental.
I do not like to use the somewhat hackneyed ex-
pression, "cultivate nature, but it expresses just
what I mean. I wish that we might open our eyes
and minds and hearts to all the changing beauty and
wonder around us. It needs sometimes but a glance
from the window; but do not let the day go by
without noting the wonderful blue sky above, the
flitting clouds, the sunset glory, the verdant growth
or the snowy purity of the earth. There is no touch
more soothing, no balm more healing, than the fresh
air outside-God's own remedy, free and without
price, for the tried heart and mind. The serene,
stcady progress of nature shames our bustle and
WINTER WORK AND SUMMER REST.
85
66
Trorry, and lifts us above the trivialities of life into
a purer, better region. Let us seek this sweet com-
panionship, and teach our children to seek and love
it too. Unless we do this, we neglect a help and
*strength that lie at our very door."
Mrs. Follen followed her paper by reading from
Marion Harland's “Breakfast, Luncheon, and Tea,"
pages 98 to 107, the chapter entitled “Haste or
Waste."
Mrs. Marshall began the discussion of this lively
and thoughtful paper by the remark, “If one is in
the current, the laste cannot be avoided; the pressure
carries one onward, willing or not.”
But, as we all have something to do with mak-
ing the current, can we not do a little by mutual
action towards slackening its speed ?" asked Mrs.
Bristol.
“I think not,” Mrs. Washington replied, “ because
we have changed the inanner of living that our rest-
ful forefatliers knew. It is with us 'work all winter,
rest all summer'--but such rest! We call it rest'
to leave all the comforts of home that liave cost us so
much care and money to procure-our ample rooms
and comfortable lounges, sofas, and beds--and to
crowd the whole household into the cramped and
stifling bedrooms of a fashionable hotel, where we
are surrounded with all the artificiality of exagger
ated social life, where there is rush and excitement,
rivalry and extravagance. This is what we take in
exchange for our winter shopping and dress-making,
our distracting modern house - keeping and house-
cleaning, our charities, lessons, and lectures; not to
count our luncheons, dinner-parties, and receptions,
86
ONE SEASON ENDS AND ANOTHER BEGINS.
that have come to be the inevitable order of social
life even in our provincial town."
“Our essayist calls for more 'system' in our over-
work!” exclaimed Mrs. Lee; “but I fear that it is
too much system that is already our bane. I called
on a friend the other day-you need not look at one
another, she does not belong to the club--with whom
I thought I was intimate, and was informed that she
was ' reading and could not see me—would like to
be excused. I turned away disappointed, as I needed
the assistance that I knew her experience could afford
me. My sensitiveness was so great, being not very
well, that I returned home dispirited, fearing that
if I made other calls I might encounter like rebuffs
at the doors of some of my other 'systematic'
friends. Probably I was too sensitive, but I men-
tion the case as a warning against a too rigid ad-
herence to even good rules for the disposition of
our time."
“Have you ever noticed," I hurried to say, lest
the line of thought just started might be carried too
far, " that some persons are far more charming away
from home than in their own houses ? that at home
they seem oppressed with the weight of responsibil-
ity of nursery and kitchen, and able to give their
friends only partial attention? Perhaps my views
will not be warmly accepted, but I believe that the
mother of a family and mistress of a household is
entitled only to that portion of her time which is not
needed by her household and friends."
This assertion had more of an effect than I had in-
tended, and led to so much low conversation, and to
so many efforts to talk to the club, that the president
MARRIAGE IS A SACRIFICE.
87
was forced to call us severely to order, and to insist
that that strain of talk should stop.
Mrs. Wythe kindly threw herself into the breach
and said, “Marriage is a sacrifice, and the wife and
mnother cannot perfectly reduce her work to a system.
I would have more repose in the life of woman.
It
would be more dignified and graceful than the hur-
ried, business-like method of disposing of the calls of
the household and the visits of friendship and cere-
mony that some of us affect.'
« The habit of making odd moments available,"
continued Mrs. Hargrove,"is worth more than what
we call system. Bits of work in different parts of
the house, a book worth reading here and another
there, with markers to indicate the stopping-places,
will give much pleasure, and in time add greatly to
the mental cultivation of one who is really eager to
learn. By no means let the acquisition of knowledge
become a lock and key to shut you up from your
children and friends, but use diligently the moments
not claimed by them. - What is more charming than
a welcome always cordial at the door of a friend, or
the feeling that, go when you will, she is glad to see
you?"
“You all know," concluded Mrs. Follen, “that I
think that cultivation is very desirable, and system,
too; but let me not leave on any mind the impres-
sion that I urge it at the expense of a loss of our
womanly instincts of love and friendship."
88
THE TRANQUIL LIFE.
XIII.
THE TRANQUIL LIFE.
One winter day the members came together with
tokens that a spirit of tenderness and gravity per-
vaded them. During the season, one of the sunniest
and busiest of our circle-one who had apparently
the most reason for worrying anxiety-- had been
suddenly taken away by death; and a little later,
affliction had fallen upon the family of another of
our most constant attendants. Our little town had
been made thonghtful, too, by the beautiful Christian
death of one of the bright young girls whom we
had all been acquainted with, and with whose par-
ents we had sympathized in the depth of their ter-
rible bereavement.
Events of this sort are not without their influence
upon a small community, and, though we did not
come to our meeting as mourners, there was a
chastened feeling among us that was as undeniable
as it was indescribable. Why it was that the sub-
ject of living more tranquil lives, and avoiding the
prorerbial American hurry, happened to be ap-
pointed for discussion at this time, I cannot say.
Mrs. Lee was to read a brief paper, and we were all
on the qui vive to hear her sentiments and sugges-
tions. The attendance was good, and when all bad
taken their places, Mrs. Lee opened her manuscript.
WHAT IS PEACE OF MIND WORTH?
89
“When the subject that is before us this after-
noon was announced," she began, “a friend at my
elbow said, 'I would like to be told how a body can
help being in a hurry when she must be ready for
breakfast at seven every morning ? When I told a
friend whom I met on the train that the club was
to discuss the methods of living more tranquil lives,
she said, “That is something that we all would like
to know; but the problem is not an easy one to
solve, and still more difficult is it for any one to
generalize on the subject, for the circuinstances of
our lives are so various, and the demands upon us
so differenti
“It was another branch of the subject that was
suddenly brought up by a lady the other day when
she asked her guests at luncheon what they thonght
peace of mind was worth a week! Did they think
it worth five dollars? This was a somewhat abrupt
and unexpected mode of impressing the value of a
tranquil mind.
“Breakfast by candle-light of cold mornings must
be a severe test of one's amiability; but if the house-
hold is so happy as to be provided with a cook who
can be counted upon to have the meal ready on
time, without having herself to be called by her
mistress from the sweet slumbers of the laborer in
the morning, and if the lady has moral courage
sufficient to enable her to appear on the scene of
action in season, two important points seem to have
been gained. Such a house-keeper must have felt
calmly superior to her less enterprising friends as
she enjoyed the remarkable sunrises with which we
have lately been favored—displays of nature that
90
THE TRANQUIL LIFE.
they lost forever, for they were never postponed for
late risers. Besides, the long mornings gained by
having early breakfasts are of great advantage in
getting the necessary household work out of the
way, and of having it done with quietness and pre-
cision; for one of the most fertile causes of hurry
is a late breakfast, which crowds a great amount of
work into the short and precious morning hours.
“The young honse-keeper begins her married life
with many beautifully arranged plans. She is quite
sure that she will be able to avoid all the suares and
inistakes in which she sees her friends and neigh-
bors involved. She will accomplish everything that
a good house - keeper should. Neatness and order
will always reign supreme in her home; her ser-
vants (for servants she thinks she will have, of course)
will always be well - trained, quiet, and respectful;
three times a day lier household will sit down to
repasts promptly and tastefully spread and served ;
and her children, when they are added to the group,
will be known by their good behavior and spotless-
ness. How soon, alas, are such dreams dissipated !
Inefficient servants keep back the vision of the
beautiful home that it was supposed would be a
matter of course, and incessant demands weary the
inexperienced mistress as she attempts to develop
realities from her dreams. Peace and quiet scem
many a time to take to themselves wings and flee
away; and often would the careworn inother pur-
chase relief at "five dollars a week,' or, in truth, at
any price; for money seems in such an emergency
of no account in comparison with a quiet mind. At
such times, perchance, the tired mother is able to
PATIENT WAITING.
91
rise to the height attained by Helen Hunt, when she
sang, in her wonderfully. felicitous verses entitled
"Spinning,
Like a blind spinner in the sun,
I tread my days;
I know that all the threads will run
Appointed ways.
I know each day will bring its task,
And, being blind, no more I ask.'
“If she can only hold on to her courage and
ambition in this spirit for a few years, she will be
able to realize that perfection in the performance
of woman's duties can only be obtained by a long
process of education, and that this implies the pas-
sage of time, and growth in her, no less than in her
children and her servants. She will learn that she
cannot expect to plant seeds to-day and reap the
ripe fruit tomorrow. It hardly needed a poet to
tell us that
"Only in dreams is a ladder thrown
From the weary carth to the sapphire walls.'
The young house-keeper has to learn to wait long
and patiently for the result of her labors. She must
remember
"That a noble deed is a step towards God,
Lifting the soul from the common clod
To a purer air and a broader view;'
and that it is not heaven alone which is not reached
at a single bound.'
“Do we not find that schemes that we have been
prevented from attending to to-day can, in all prob-
ability, be more effectually carried out next week?
92
THE TRANQUIL LIFE.
The liability to interruption, under which we all
labor, should deter no one from forming plans for
the future, even though they be many and diverse;
not even from entering upon the furtherance of
numerous good projects requiring time and care.
“A college professor once remarked in my hear-
ing that often when a new idea is originated in the
mind circumstances seem to develop it up to a cer-
tain point and then to leave it. There, too, we may
safely leave it; and, although a dozen or more may
be thus left unmatįred, we need not be discouraged
and give them up; we have no cause for worry or
anxiety, because no immediate result is produced.
Probably as time passes we may find that we shall
be able to take up, one by one, each unmatured idea
or unfinished piece of work and produce from it
something much better than would have resulted
had we followed our first impatient impulse and
rushed it through by a forcing-house process.
“The question that we have carefully to ponder
is, Can we regulate our lives in such a way as not to
lose all the sweetness of the present while we strive
after that which is beyond ?
“I remember reading, after the death of the Rev.
Dr. Bellows of New York, a memorial discourse
preached in his honor by the Rev. Dr. Edward Ev-
erett Hale, of Boston, in which several passages oc-
cur that seem particularly appropriate to the subject
we are now considering. We may do well to apply
them to the direction of our lives. 'Dr. Bellows was
often spoken of,' said Dr. Hale,' as a man of great
versatility. He was a man who kept before him the
broad aims of life, and did not allow liis sympathies
DOING ONE'S DUTY.
93
to be limited to the littleness of this world's affairs.
He would start in the morning with his plans for
the day well made, and then, before ten o'clock,
perhaps, some wholly unexpected demand would be
made upon him, and whether it were a persecution
of the Jews, or typhoid fever which had broken out
in one of the lower wards of the city, or a German
widow with six children at Castle Garden whose
husband had been buried at sea Whatever the
emergency, he instantly responded to it. He would
be indifferent to his reputation, but determined, if he
touched this thing or that, it should be done, and
done well.
“Dr. Hale went on to say that,'to us who cannot
claim any special genius, there is the highest encour-
agement in such an experience of real life. It is a
great thing to see in fact, what we only half believe
when preached to us in sermons, that the first, second,
and last requisite of the greatest man is that he do
his duty. The distinction of duties is but superficial
and a matter of detail. The entire principle is the
same, even if the man be at the momentous work of
shovelling snow or shoeing a horse. Let him carry
to that effort the steady, underlying determination
to do this work as an angel of God might do it, and,
as Herbert says, the meanest work becomes divine:
". A servant with this clause
Makes drudgery divine :
Who sweeps a room as by Thy laws
Makes that and the action fine.'
“It seems to me that the disturbance we some-
times feel, and the confusion we sometimes allow
ourselves to get into, when numerous demands are
94
THE TRANQUIL LIFE.
made upon our time and capacity, may well remind
us of the struggling and splashing of a novice in the
water. We trust too much to our own exertions,
and do not rely sufficiently upon God's guidance.
Dr. Hale quotes Dr. Bellows as saying, “The memory
of the day and the lour when I first placed reliance
upon God's spirit is like the first time I trusted to
the buoyancy of the water after having bathed in
it for two years without faith. Suddenly I found
faith and could swim. When one has once felt the
Almighty arm under him, he can never trust to
weaker forces. It is not strength alone that comes
to such a man; it is the joy of abundant life—to be
ready to speak, to be ready to travel, to be ready to
sleep, to be ready to play, because the Lord his
Maker stands omnipotently near.
Here is the secret
of the larger [and, I may add, the more tranquil]
life. As Henry Vaughan, the Silurist, says,
"True hearts spread and hcave
Unto God, as flowers do to the sun.
Give Him thy first thoughts then ; so shalt thou keep
Him company all day and in Him sleep."
The tone of Mrs. Lee's paper left us in a thought-
ful mood, and we did not begin the discussion with
our usual promptness. If we had been tender and
meditative when we came together, we were more
so now. More than usually, even, did we feel drawn
together, and each was sure that she understood what
all the others would say on the subject. By the fa-
tality that often overtakes humanity in its gregarious
moods, we all avoided at first the point upon which
we had really the most feeling. Mrs. Francis at last
ventured to say something about not having under-
SHALL WE RISE EARLY?
95
stood the subject to be discussed, thinking that she
was to learn how to burry more successfully, and
that, consequently, she was not able at the moment
to direct her thoughts to the opposite subject and
reflect upon methods for living more quietly. She
added that she was willing to endorse the recom-
mendation of early rising.
“I protest !” exclaimed Mrs. Berkeley, as soon as
Mrs. Francis had ceased speaking. “All my life
have I listened to the preaching of the great virtue
of early rising, but I have never been able to bring
iny mind to accept the doctrine fully. Why is an
hour in one part of the day worth more than an
hour in another part? Tell me that, and I will try
to see some reason in dragging one's weary self out
of a comfortable bed to assume, in an unrefreshed con-
dition, duties which will only add to the weariness.”
Several members seemed ready to give the infor-
mation that Mrs. Berkeley asked for, but Mrs. Bristol
was the one who spoke. "My dear Mrs. Berkeley,"
said she, “you will surely agree that the lady of the
house must show herself in order to start the house-
hold machinery, unless, indeed, she have that great
convenience which few of us can command, a house-
keeper who can rise and take her place at the time.
One can easily find an hour for rest later in the day,
if she need it, when the children are off at school,
before the time arrives for the usual interruptions
from friends and visitors. I venture to suggest that
the weariness of the rising hour may be lessened by
retiring early whenever that is possible. Our Amer-
ican climate is generally so bracing, so nerve-wearing,
that we need more sleep than many of us get.”
96
THE TRANQUIL LIFE.
“Not so fast !" interposed Mrs. Francis. “The
evening is the very best part of the day. It is our
most tranquil time. We can then read without feel-
ing condemned by the ghost of any more important
duty; we can enjoy our friends more fully; even
interruptions are delightful then; and to give up all
these social enjoyments in order to gain more sleep
would take from our lives much that adds to its
variety and spice; and variety serves as a balance
to the overburdened day."
“I fear that we are not wise in the way that Dr.
Bellows was," said Mrs. Hollins. “Do we not set
our minds too much upon certain duties that we
think must be performed at certain fixed hours, and
feel that time is lost if it is not used in exactly the
manner tliat we have planned for it? We fret un-
der the failure, as we think it, and neglect to see the
parannount value of the spiritual life, which we are
all ready to acknowledge is of far greater importance
than the wearisome round of daily duties which per-
tain merely to our earthly nature."
“We should cultivate an abounding charity for
ourselves," said I—"always making sure, of course,
that our aims and ambitions are the noblest; even
contenting ourselves with good intentions should
other duties intervene, or time or health interfere
with our well-laid plans."
“Did not Mrs. Follen tell us in her essay," asked
Mrs. Marshall, “that a want of system is at the bot-
tom of much of our trouble? We are not trained
to systematic labor in any department of life, while
our brothers and sons know nothing else from six
years old and upward. Our deficiency in this re-
>>
THE REPOSE OF BUSY PEOPLE.
97
spect shows itself in everything that we do. Our
children and servants detect it; our tradespeople
know it; and all because, being women, our educa-
tion has been neglected in this important respect.
If one of us be found methodical, you may be sure
that the trait is inherited from grandfather or great-
grandfather, and is not by any accident a matter of
training."
“She has achieved a great feat," interposed Mrs.
Sharpe, "who is able to make a proper selection of
work for each day when it crowds upon us as it
does; but, when this has been done, we gain much
strength and reposc by keeping to that order with-
out reflecting upon things undone. We have doubt-
less all noticed that it is the busiest people oftentimes
who seem to have the most repose. Mr. Sharpe lad
an engagement the other day with a banker whose
business was of the most exacting sort. It was at
the very busiest hour of the business day, but the
man of affairs was the first to be ready, and one
would not have supposed that lie had anything upon
his mind but the outside matter upon which he lad
come to consult. It is the busiest members of our
community who are called upon to work in great
charities and in affairs of a public nature, and they
give of all that pertains to them most cheerfully-
time, money, sympathy. Are they not, also, among
the most cheerful and tranquil people we see ?"
“Then it is more work that we need," said I, in
an endeavor to sum up the gist of the remarks and
give a definite conclusion to the afternoon's discus-
sion. “We need more work, more system, greater
skill in choosing our work, and more tact in plan-
>
7
98
THE TRANQUIL LIFE.
ning for interruptions, and even in accepting them
as inevitable and not altogether undesirable. We
need strength of purpose to accept early breakfasts
as desirable in every home! All this will tend to
help us on towards the peaceful, tranquil life that
we so much admire and long for.
“We hare with one accord avoided reference to
that means of cultivating the graceful state of mind
and life which Mrs. Lee brought out so plainly. It
seems to ine that it is the only way to gain what we
are in search of. We may fashion ourselves after
this model or that, or follow one whom we admire
in everything; but without the deep, hidden things
of the Spirit which are true, of good report and love-
ly, we shall surely fail in our tasks as inothers. Ours
is the grandest work given to human beings to ac-
complish. The perfect, womanly character has far-
l'eaching faith, lively hope, and abounding charity.
With these three virtues cultivated in our lives wo
shall do our work in the best way, leaving the final
result to Him who loves us, and daily light will be
given us which is not of ourselves, but comes froin
the Father."
AN UTOPIAN PLAN.
99
XIV.
THE EARLY EDUCATION OF CHII.DREN.
A MEMBER of the club who was known to hold
peculiar ideas regarding the early education of chil-
dren, entertained the others by an essay which caused
many to shrug their shoulders, and to throw out hints
aside to their neighbors that the plan delineated was
Utopian.
“Much of the time of children,” she began, “is
worse than wasted in the ignorant, old-fashioned
method of drilling them in subjects beyond their
comprehension. I once knew a child that was study-
ing English history when it was not able to read the
lessons set it understandingly, and was obliged to
have the help of older sisters, who read the pages
over repeatedly to it. Another little girl was pun-
ished—“kept in,' the phrase used to be—for not rc-
peating correctly the multiplication table, when she
did not know the meaning of 6 x 6=36. Many a
child is considered dull or obstinate when the fact
is that the mind is not mature enough to grasp
the ideas presented to it, and it is not difficult to
prophesy the result of such a course in its effect
upon so delicate a thing as the mind.
“Under the accepted system, children are sent to
school when they are five or six years old. There
are various reasons assigned for the practice by those
100
THE EARLY EDUCATION OF CHILDREN.
.
who are honest enough to give themselves a reason.
This one needs companions, its parents say. That
one is restless at home, and a third is too mnischiev-
ous.
For such reasons as these twenty or fifty such
tender minds are brought together under the care of
one woman, who is expected to teach them and far-
nish them entertainment for several hours a day.
“The poor little sufferers have books placed in
their hands, and lessons are assigned which they are
expected to study, though they have not the remot-
est idea of how to apply their minds to a subject.
In graded schools they stand up or sit down, face
right or left, march and countermarch at the sound
of a bell or at signs from the teacher, like admirably
disciplined puppets. The mind of every one is treat-
ed like that of every other one, and no room is af-
forded or allowance made for originality or diversity.
The common schools are a great blessing, and we
must not decry them without offering a remedy for
their defects. As that is not my purpose just now,
I will pass over that portion of the subject, only sug-
gesting the wisli that they might be improved by
increasing the number of the teachers, that more
women should be admitted to the school boards, and
that the pupils be treated less like machines.
"Let us return to the little ones who have reached
the age of five. Instead of putting them through
the learning - machine by the hour, I would have
them drilled for at least five minutes a day on some
subject for the sake of cultivating the habit of men-
tal concentration; but the parent or teacher must
not fail to assure himself that the little one under-
derstands what the talk is about. This plan should
THE KINDERGARTEN.
"101
be followed until the age of seven has been reached,
the time being gradually increased until half an hour
of close application is demanded daily. Care should
be taken that the subject should always be left while
the child is asking for more, rather than when it is
whining, 'Can't I go now?'"
“But,” interrupted Mrs. Way, “how can a school
be conducted on such a plan ?”
"No child," continued the reader, “is fit for school
until it has learned elsewhere how to apply the mind
to a subject in some degree. It is a pitiful sight to
see a number of children crowded together for the
pretended purpose of education, when they are so
young that there is no possibility of their keeping
quiet or failing to indulge in their natural fondness
for play.
“Not one woman in a thousand has the power to
entertain and instruct twenty children at one time;
and, even to her who has the ability, it is fatal to
demand the strain upon the nervous system that the
effort requires."
“Does not the Kindergarten meet all the require-
ments for occupation for young children with the
little instruction ?" asked Mrs. Way.
“The Kindergarten,” the reader replied, “is very
good, if the mother or nurse is unable to supply the
demand; but outside of the great cities its methods
are but partially understood, and it is practically so
mixed with the old modes that it does not accoin-
plish the objects it is adapted to achieve. Some-
thing is needed to do what it and the old methods
fail to accomplish.
“We are, therefore, brought back to the point at
102. THE EARLY EDUCATION OF CHILDREN.
The girl
which we started, with the child of five before us
who is to be drilled in some intellectual exercise five
minutes a day-committing poetry to memory, or
listening to reading about which questions are to be
asked, to be sure that the child is not dreaming, but
actually listening:
“Let the plays and toys be so chosen as to teach
something useful. A baby-house to be kept in or-
der may teach house-keeping in a small way, and a
box of tools will make a boy a useful member of the
family instead of a torment or a tease.
may learn needle-work by sewing for lier dolls, and
the boy may make himself useful by doing errands
which save the steps of father and mother. Each
member of the family may be led to feel that the
comfort and happiness of all depends upon the mut-
ual exertions of every member of the family circle.
"If the parents have no time, let some one be em-
ployed to walk or drive with the children, with the
purpose of cultivating their observing faculties. Let
the forms of trees and the shapes of their leaves be
noticed, the colors of various flowers, the differences
between examples of various styles of architecture,
the uses of every-day articles that we serve ourselves
with with no special thought. All this should be
mingled with readings, and the exhibition of pictures
bearing upon the different subjects.
“Most children are interested in animals, and the
most familiar to them is the dog; but to them all
dogs are only dogs, and they do not observe that
there are great differences between the different
breeds. These distinctive traits are readily pointed
out if specimens of several breeds are placed before
MAKE THE LESSONS ATTRACTIVE.
103
the child at one time and another, and it is after-
wards questioned regarding the characteristics and
the purposes which they subserve. The young mind
remembers that of which the reason has once been
explained to it.
"Pictures also attract children. As opportunity
offers, they should be permitted to see some of which
the name and history of the artist can be given, and
thus they may be led by insensible steps to an ac-
quaintance with and a fondness for art. It
may
be
accepted as a statement of general application that
all of us become interested in the subjects that we
possess information about, and that persistent effort
to get the information will almost inevitably bring
the interest."
“And yet, is it not true," interposed Mrs. Marshall,
“that all our interest in a subject is sometimes taken
from us by our teacher ?"
“No doubt that is also true,"continued the reader,
“and perhaps I should have qualified my statement;
for the ability of a teacher of no tact to render a
subject uninteresting is well-nigh past computation.
Still, I think my statement will stand. How often,
too, do we find that it is unadulterated ignorance of
a subject that leads to the careless remark, 'Oh, that
is uninteresting !'”
“Much of the early life of the child is worse than
wasted by failing to select the appropriate things to
teach. Instead, for example, of the early drill in
mathematics and history (of which latter the little
one gets no idea except a few isolated stories), why
not let him learn to read German or French, or both,
in the way in which he learned English? When the
104
THE EARLY EDUCATION OF CHILDREN.
time for geography arrives, I would never use an
atlas or text-book and demand that the child should
read and master page after page of the names of
cities and towns and rivers, with the imports and
exports of different countries and their chief manu-
factures; but, with the use of a globe and memory,
or a text-book of history or travels, take an iinaginary
journey, describing every step, and, if it be a trip in
foreign lands, visiting a steamer, if one live near a
seaport. Days and months conld be spent delight-
fully in thus studying the countries of Europe and
the states of our native land.
"It may be objected that this plan lays a severo
burden on the mother, but that burden she onglit
not to want to shift to others; and I am sure she
would find herself well repaid in the satisfaction
she would have, not to mention the interest she
would sec awakening in her children. Think of the
accurate knowledge the child would gain, while his
memory wonld be cultivated and facts so fixed in
his mind that he could never lose them. The cheap
pliotographs of every beautiful foreign view and
every notable edifice will lielp very much, and so
will the illustrated books of travel now so common.
“I would never have the nuinber in a class exceed
six, and should rather limit it to four; and they
should, if possible, be evenly matclied in ability, for
otherwise the advanced or the brighter members of
the class will discourage the others, while the back-
ward ones will not fail to afford excuses for less
ap-
plication to the more ready learners. The small
number will furnish all the needed advantage of
coinpetition and mental stimulation, and save from
biI HAVE GOT MY LESSON."
105
the dissipation which comes when there is an oppor-
tunity to watch those older or younger, and of listen-
ing to other recitations than their own.
“Avoid the school-room, if possible, for boys and
girls under twelve years of age; and if two or three
mothers cannot be found to give the lessons, which
should not exceed an hour and a lialf daily, perhaps
an intelligent gentleman or lady might be found
who could be employed.
« Lessons in drawing help the observing powers
wonderfully and should begin carly. At nine, a
music-inaster might be employed for fifteen minutes
a day, unless the inother be able to detect errors in
time, fingering, and so on. For girls, sewing lessons
could begin as early as six, and, as has been already
remarked, will result in endless gratification, as af-
fording the ability to make dolls' wardrobes and pre-
pare presents for friends.
“Such a plan as I have thus attempted to outline
will enable a child before reaching the age of twelve
to read French and German, to be acquainted with
geography and much natural history, to know every
familiar plant and tree by name, to be fairly started
in music and drawing, and possess a store of general
intelligence, instead of having its mind crammed
with matter that it could not know how to use. It
avoids the 'getting through' certain books, the sys-
tem of promotion in classes and studies, and kills the
well-worn expression, 'I have got my lesson,' giving
in their stead the higlier acquisition of knowledge
and the definite hold upon facts.
“Some one has said that we are born with a cer-
tain amount of mental capacity, which is not in-
106
THE EARLY EDUCATION OF CHILDREN.
creased in quantity but developed or wasted as used
or abused. The use of the mind in certain direc-
tions before it is prepared for it weakens it, and the
effect is seen in later life, when full development in
that direction is prevented, and thus many an early
genius turns out a stupid old man, or at best takes
an inferior position in the world.
“Dr. Arnold, the great teacher of Rugby, says,
speaking of his aim in life, 'It is not knowledge,
but the means of gaining knowledge, that I have to
teach ;' and surely we can find no better motto in
trying to educate our children.
“After the age of twelve has been reached, hard
work should begin, but still under special teachers
and in small classes; and schools inay safely be
avoided until the pupil is ready for the graded
school preparatory for college, or even until ready
for college itself.”
The reader referred also to the desirability of
teaching the young pupil to use the dictionary and
the encyclopædia, rather than have him satisfied
with an indefinite definition or description given in
answer to a question by one who may be inaccurate
or ignorant. Also, reference was made to the desira-
bility of having a portion of the reading oral, in
order that it might be made sure that words not un-
derstood are not skipped. The hour for adjournment
arrived, however, before the reading was finished,
and there was no time for discussion, the only re-
mark heard being, “ This is somewhat like the train-
ing of English children with their governesses and
tutors, and it certainly gives us something to think
of until another meeting.”
MORE TEACHERS NEEDED.
107
“Is this plan entirely visionary or ideal ?" asked
the reader, as she continued. "Should we not
have the children most of the time without occu-
pation? It might seem at first glance that they
would be free a large share of the time, but, on the
contrary, they would really be more fully employed,
with intervals of rest and opportunities for taking
freslı air between the study hours.
“Suppose that the drawing lesson were to come
at nine o'clock, the usual hour for opening schools.
The children will have the daily walk to that. Af-
terwards the music lesson might come, and next the
regular drill in the subject selected by the mother
or tutor. In the afternoon, singing and sewing
school once or twice a week, with the exercise in
dancing, will sufficiently fill the time. The visits to
places of interest and curiosity will also most con-
veniently be made in the afternoon.
“The plan thus indicated would probably break
up some schools, but it would actually give employ-
ment to a larger number of teachers, because each
study would require a different one. It will not
apply to the masses, however, for it will be carried
out seldom, except in the cases in which the circum-
stances of the family permit the mother to feel free
to devote her attention to the instruction of her
children.
“Some one may ask if it will not cut the child off
from many of the greatest pleasures of childhood,
and deprive it in after-life of some of its sweetest
memories--the recollections of early years. Not of
necessity, for each group would comprise six chil-
dren, and they would probably select no more as in-
108
THE EARLY EDUCATION OF CHILDREN.
timate friends, though there would be the disadvan-
tage of a smaller number from which to choose, off-
set by the fact that the smaller number would be a
selection made by parental wisdoin; and therefore,
on general principles, it would be better made.
“In conclusion,” the reader continued, “I ask,
can we not all remember the time when we began
really to think, to study ? and is not the reason we
began so late that we were not instructed at home,
and that in school there were so many distractions,
so many to play with, that we did not listen to the
voice of our own teacher ?
“Let us not be so timid that we cannot try a new
plan merely because it is new, but let us, in order,
if possible, to avoid the difficulties and shortcomings
of our own mental discipline, let us venture upon a
plan that seems less hazardous than the one we have
practised, and trust that in putting it into practice
we shall gradually develop it into something far su-
perior to what we have known, and that thus our
children shall derive more benefit from living in
this world of progress than we have."
THE ART OF PUTTING THINGS.
109
XV.
PUTTING THINGS IN THEIR RIGHT PLACES.
It was the 9th of February, 1881, when the club
met at the house of Mrs. Washington and listened to
the following paper from her, which made a deep
impression. So fnlly did all the members agree
with the sentiments expressed, that there was little
or no discussion.
“ The Country Parson," so the reader began, “has
a very agreeable little essay upon the Art of Putting
Things;' but, although after reading it one fully
realizes that there is a great deal in the way in which
things are put, the ability to put things right one's
self has not been attained; and probably, after re-
flecting for a little while upon our own subject, we
shall be led to the conviction that, however we may
recognize the necessity for putting things in their
right places, we still have not come to a clear under-
standing of the way in which it is to be done.
"Some one may say, 'After all, it is nothing but
cultivating a habit of order—an old story-and, more-
over, I have my doubts whether order is not made
too much of in this world; the people who are least
orderly being often as happy and useful as any of us,
,
and much more attractive than those who are always
talking about order and method and rule!' Ab, but
shall we not find, if we think a inoment, that order is
110 PUTTING THINGS IN THEIR RIGHT PLACES.
by no means the same thing as our subject with the
long name - which name, by the way, may appear
too colloquial for dignity, but I shall use it because
it expresses my idea more nearly than many phrases
that sound better.
“ Order is not necessarily good—we all know that.
There is a right order and a wrong order, and order
itself becomes objectionable when it is put in the
wrong place ; whereas, if we once learn and always
practice putting things in their right places, most of
the many difficulties that beset our path in life will
disappear as if by magic.
“It is sometimes said that the aim of half of the
human race is to solve the problem how to eat its
cake and have it too; but I think it will be found
that the one aim of every conscientious woman, con-
scious or unconscious, is to accomplish the task we
have just spoken of; for it iinplies not merely the
ordering of our actions but of our thoughts, our
anxieties, and our cares in such a way that we may
feel confident that the greater has never been sacri-
ficed to the less — that we liave not from impulse,
or from too hasty conclusions, been led to lay great
stress upon matters which a short interval of time or
mature reflection may prove to liave been of ininor
importance, and thereby lave wasted time and in-
fluence which should have been reserved for what
we too late realize to be of much greater conse-
quence.
“We ought to learn the lesson before we teach it
to our children; but, like inany other lessons in life,
we usually learn all we know of it by the very effort
to teach it to them. We begin with externals: the
NAUGHTINESS IN MAMMA AND BABY.
111
toys must be put away, the little garments hung up
in their places—everything, as we say, “put in order.'
The child is, perhaps, hungry and tired, fretful from
one or another cause, but still we persist in teaching
this lesson, with more or less success—always, under
such circumstances, with a struggle. After it is over,
comes the question to the mother herself, "Was that
lesson put in its right place? The duty of order was
impressed upon the child's mind, but ought not a little
lunch, or a nap, or a little petting to have preceded it?
Sometimes we answer the question put by our
conscience; oftener, I fear, we must be silent. We
all feel that it is desirable to have our little ones
neatly and comfortably dressed, and we also like to
have the dresses pretty and becoming. If we have
no seamstress to do the sewing, it must be done by
our own hands; and as one comes to the last ruffle or
button-hole, how important it seems that it should be
finished without delay, and how many times attend-
ing to the little wishes and complaints of a child is
postponed for the sake of putting in the last stitch,
which is usually done just as the patience of mother
and child is worn out! Crying, or what we call
naughtiness' (in both mamma and baby), is the re-
sult; and when peace is finally restored, we almost
own that those last stitches have been put in the
wrong place, and that tomorrow morning wonld
have been a better time for them than this after-
Still more is this true when the work has
been something of interest to ourselves alone, and
not needed by the children.
“Again, with older children come cross words to
one another ---an act of disobedience involving, per-
noon.
112
PUTTING THINGS IN THEIR RIGHT PLACES.
haps, inconvenience to ourselves --- an impertinent
answer, a thoughtless piece of mischief, or great
carelessness in the performance of a duty for the
sake of arriving sooner at an expected pleasure. We
know that temper must be restrained, obedience en-
forced, respectful behavior insisted upon, and thought-
lessness and carelessness checked as forms of selfish-
ness; and accordingly we reprove upon the spot, hav-
ing regard rather to the offence than to the offender,
influenced more than we would be willing to own by
the effect of the naughtiness upon our personal com-
fort. Reproof is, in inany cases, not put in the right
place, and, in just so far as it is out of its place, it
does harm rather than good.
« In the general plan of education, as children grow
up, we meet our old difficulty: In what way shall the
moral, intellectual, and physical education be com-
bined so as to develop the child's character and fac-
ulties? Perhaps it would be more correct to say
that our difficulty comes not so much in the general
plan as in the working out of the details from day
to day. We cannot drift along letting things take
their course, or, before we know it, ambition, en-
couraged by our interest in the intellectual advance-
ment, has led the child to overwork the brain, thus
injuring the physical development, or, perhaps, has
given rise to a fancied superiority to others less
studions, and an undervaluing of gifts different from
its own, thus lowering the inoral tone of the char-
acter. On the other band, natural indolence and
love of play may foster habits of inattention and
indisposition for real work, which are equally injuri.
ous to the character.
סבון
THE PATHS OF BOYS AND GIRLS. .
113
« After passing out of childhood, the question
seems much more easily answered for boys than for
girls. Their path is usually simpler and more nar-
rowed down by circunstances; a regular course of
study or of business is laid down for them, and the
first duty which presents itself is probably in its
right place.
“As our girls come into womanhood, however,
we wish them to take right views of life; and, while
we desire that they shall enjoy themselves as only
young girls can, we certainly would not have them
look for nothing beyond the enjoyment of the mo-
ment. Having a thoroughly good time' must not
be their first and only idea. They have claims upon
their time and affection from the family at home;
their feelings are easily moved, and should be di-
rected to sympathy in the real troubles and sorrows
that they see, or they should be taught to look for
them among those whose lot is less happy than
their own, rather than allowed to waste themselves
in sentimental sorrows over modern novels and the
distresses of the imaginary heroines whom we hear
so much about. The grown-up daughters, too, must
learn to pnt things in their right places as they
begin to meet the same perplexities that we our-
selves are surrounded with, and their help must be
the same as ours.
“We find demanding our attention home duties,
house-keeping, the care for comfortable and whole-
some meals, for making home neat and attractive;
a cheerful face and conversation to be maintained;
social duties, including pleasant hours of intercourse
with our friends, hours that are good for heart and
8
114 PUTTING THINGS IN THEIR RIGHT PLACES.
mind; charitable work of various kinds; and self-
culture, moral and intellectual, for the sake of our
families as well as for ourselves; and, if the chil-
dren are still young, first, last, and middle, the care
for them.
"All these duties are laid before us; and every
day and all day long we are trying to assign to
each its share of time and attention—to put it in
its right place, be it a larger or a smaller one. It
is this effort, the constant feeling of anxiety lest we
have not succeeded, and the dissatisfaction with our-
selves because we have not, which wear's upon our
minds and learts, and makes the totality that we
call the 'worry of life.' We feel, mingled with our
sense of failure, that in some way or other we ought
to have done better, and perhaps we have already
gained a clew to the solution of the hard problem;
but we must be willing to learn gradually, for learn
gradually we shall in spite of ourselves—we cannot
jump at conclusions in domestic difficulties.
“First of all, we feel the need of wisdom from
on high; but we know that that wisdom will not
be given us without constant, steady effort on our
own part, and for this effort we must make leisure
for reflection—we must think. In every case thus
far considered, it has been the after-thought that has
shown us our mistakes. Shall we not avoid them
by taking thought beforehand? A half-hour in the
morning before we enter upon our daily work, or
as early in the day as we can get it, devoted simply
to thinking over yesterday's failures, with the help
of the renewed vigor and strength that comes with
the morning sun an effort to see how they conld
LEARNING FROM OUR FRIENDS.
115
have been avoided, with an outlook over the prob-
able demands upon us; which the new day will
bring, and even a vague mental arrangement of
them in their relative order of importance, will
prove a wonderful assistance to us. If we find ouli'-
selves employed every moment, and too busy to
devote a special time to this purpose (though I think
we should find the half-hour saved by the difference
it would make in our day), there are always mo-
ments, even quarter-hours, or half-hours when we
are sewing or walking, or trying to go to sleep at
niglit, when we can make ourselves look at life as
a whole, dwell upon the traits that we most desire
to see developed in each child, think over the ef-
fect that certain actions or words of ours seein to
have produced upon each, and resolve to alter our
course, or to continue it, as the case may demand.
At such odd moments we can decide whether it is
better to devote a little more time to making sure
that the cook or house-maid do their work satisfac-
torily, and a little less to a piece of embroidery, or
the reverse; whether the claims of our old family
friend outweigh those of new and charming people
whom we have heard of as desirable acquaintances;
or whether an interesting study, or perhaps the
Mothers' Club or the Humane Society, should take
precedence in a particular case, not of real needs of
husband and children, but of what they may happen
to think are real needs.
“Is it not, also, perfectly right and a great assist-
ance for us to think over the ways and lives of our
friends as they appear to us—not critically, but with
an effort to appropriate the good from each as far
116 PUTTING THINGS IN THEIR RIGHT PLACES.
catering
as possible, to resolve to imitate the gentleness and
patience of one as required in our dealings with one
of our children ; the decision and promptness of
another, as we see it profitable for another child;
to watch in some one else the manner in which
home and social duties and charitable work are all
performed, apparently, in their right places; how it
seems in their case that all things
'by season seasoned are
To their right praise and true perfection.'
Alınost always this right ordering of time and work
is accomplished by the quietest and least demonstra-
tive of our friends. Now quietness implies a cer-
tain leisure of mind which is just what we have
been desiring. We need to look at life from above,
from the outside, as it were, to abstract our thoughts
from details, until we obtain a general view of the
objects for which we desire to live. After that has
been done, we shall find ourselves able to work out
the details gradually.
“Sometimes our lesson is taught us in trial and
suffering, and perhaps the words of the father-con-
fessor ring into our ears:
'Patience ; accomplish thy labor ---accomplish thy work of
affection!
Sorrow and silence are strong, and patient endurance is god-
like.
Therefore, accomplish thy labor of love till the heart is made
godlike,
Purified, strengthened, perfected, and rendered more worthy
of heaven!'
Sometimes we learn it in the sick-room-in the shad-
ow of death. Then we see the things of this world
in the light of another, and know in a moment what
WHAT ARE WE SENT ON EARTH FOR?
117
we could otherwise have only worked out by long
reflection and meditation in the light of our daily
life. Then we are able to say with the poet,
''Death is the crown of life:
Were death denied, poor man would live in vain;
Were death denied, to live would not be life;
Were death denied, e'en fools would wish to die.
Death wounds to cure: we fall, we rise, we reign!
Spring from our fetters—fasteu in the skies-
Where blooming Eden lingers in our sight:
Death gives us more than was in Eden lost;
This king of terrors is the prince of peace!'
"Could we but remember all that we learn in our
contemplative moments, how inuch trouble should
we be spared!"
As the reader closed, there was a stillness in the
room such as had not been known for a long while
in the experience of the club. No one seemed to
feel like discussing the subject so clearly and fully
presented ; and Mrs. Mason broke the silence by
saying, "As the reader closed, there came again to
my inind a favorite sonnet, by Mrs. Browning, which
often rises to my lips as I think of my life and work:
"What are we set on earth for? Say, to toil;
Nor seek to leave the tending of the vines,
For all the heat o' the day, till it declines,
And death's mild curfew shall from work assoil.
God did anoint thee with his odorous oil
To wrestle, not to reigu; and He assigns
All thy tears over, like pure crystallines,
For younger fellow-workers of the soil
To wear for amulets. So others shall
Take patience, labor, to their heart and hand
From thy hand and thy heart, and thy brave cheer,
And God's grace fructify through thee to all.
The least flower, with its brimming cup, may stand
And share its dew-drop with another near.
118
GOOD SERVANTS, AND HOW TO GET THEM.
XVI.
GOOD SERVANTS, AND HOW TO GET THEM.
“The subject of the discussion that I wish to in-
troduce this afternoon," said I, as I began to read a
paper that I had prepared for the club one day, "has
been suggested by what I know of the every-day
experience of caclı one of our number, as well as by
the wants of every house-keeper in the land.
“ The trials and difficulties that beset house-keep-
ers are many, and none of them seem to me worse
than that which I shall now treat. Our club las
reached the point at which it becomes the interest-
ing object of inquiry, if not of criticism, by those
who have not the privilege of belonging to it. The
question that is asked, perhaps, more than any other
is, · Wliat good does the Mothers' Club do? It is a
question which, of course, no one has the right to
ask except the members; but, as it is suggested to
us, perhaps it is well that we give it some attention.
“ It has been erroneously whispered that we have
forgotten the mother-instinct so far as to parade our
children's faults in our meetings, and to sit down in
hopeless condolence over the impossibility of con-
tending against inherited faults. We all know that
there is no truth in such slanders, and if there were,
it would not be the part of ontsiders to set us in the
line of duty. I look upon it as a hopeful sign when
THE WISDOM OF THE PAST.
119
the pressure to get into a club'is so great as to force
the unsuccessful candidates to resort to adverse crit-
icisin on account of their misfortune.
We are beginning the fourtli year of club life,
and I believe that we are unanimously of opinion
that our meetings have been of benefit to our
children, our servants, and ourselves. One of our
members has very truly remarked that nothing that
We have said at our meetings has the merit of
novelty, that it has been uttered by others before,
perhaps more powerfully than we conld express it;
but it is also true that not one of tliese utterances
was as well adapted to our needs as the repetition of
the similar thought by one of our number has prov-
ed to be. The wisdom of the ancients must be ex-
pressed anew in modern form for use by us. The
golden nuggets found in it have to be recoined, and
stamped with the image and superscription of our
own time, before they become current coin among
Our dies may be 110 better than those of the
earlier generation or of anotlier country; but they
are olurs, and it is that fact which fits them for our
17s.
use.
6 What we want is the wisdom of others added to
and moulded by the experience of ourselves, and thus
prepared for use in the circumstances and emergen-
cies which are our's. It is by thus studying the rec-
ords of the experience of others and criticising them
in the light of our own lives that we grow, that we
become better mothers and mistresses of households;
and it is the fact that we get good from our meet-
ings that holds us together year after year.
“Up to the present time our discussions lave
120
GOOD SERVANTS, AND HOW TO GET THEM.
touched those matters only which have related to
our daily contact with the members of our house-
holds, and thus the benefits of our meetings have
been confined to the club itself. Is it not time for
us to give a more general character to our doings,
and, by beginning a work that will benefit society,
make the Abingdon Mothers' Club historic?
" Some one has well said that the kitchen is the
heart of the home, and certain it is that no home
can be perfectly comfortable in which the kitchen
is not agreeably adjusted to its work. Tronble there
reacts upon the parlor, and the brow of the mistress
cannot be reasonably expected to be free from care
if she must always encounter friction and embarrass-
ment in her dealings with incompetent servants.
“I am confident that the greater number of our
honse-keepers are constant sufferers from the ineffi-
ciency, untrustworthiness, and insubordination of
the persons on whom they depend for relief from
drudgery. We sometimes speak of these persons as
dependents, but I think that we are the real de-
pendents, for they seem to be able to do without 11s,
and the positions of emolument that we afford them,
inuch better than we can without their inefficient
services. One source of our trouble, indeed, is found
in our own want of knowledge of the how and why
of the processes of the culinary art. Though it is
not essential that we should know everything about
cookery, it is desirable for our own comfort that
we should know enough to be intelligent directors
of the entire house, and especially of the ordinary
economy of cleaning and care-taking that are at the
bottom of good housewifery.
6
FREEMASONRY AMONG SERVANTS.
121
“After making all proper allowance for the igno-
rance of the mistress, it remains true that our troubles
lie not so much in that direction as in the ignorance
and inefficiency of the servants; and it seems to me
that, as sensible mothers, we should apply ourselves
to the discussion of plans that will in time improve
our domestic service.
" The first step, of course, is to review the present
situation of affairs, to obtain a realizing sense of the
true nature of the faults which need remedying, and
then, if possible, to conjure up in our minds a pict-
ure of the ideal relation that ought to exist between
mistress and servant, in order to take steps to realize
it if it lie within the limits of possibility.
“At the present time each of us is a law to her-
self. To a limited extent we may consult our imme-
diate friends and neighbors, but, as a rule, we make
our own plans, and carry them ont with little thought
about what the plans of others may be, and without
asking ourselves whether our ways conflict with those
of our neighbors in such a way as to work to their
material disadvantage.
“On the other hand, there is a sort of informal
freemasonry among servants which we are wont to
forget; and we forget, too, that they in their fre-
quent meetings compare the ways of their respective
mistresses. We have, in fact, no more critical ob-
servers of our intimate life and unrestrained mo-
ments than some of our intelligent servants. These
understand our real characters, and it sometimes hap-
pens that we become the involuntary witnesses of
their confidential exposures of our foibles and incon-
sistencies as they pass their acquired knowledge from
122 GOOD SERVANTS, AND HOW TO GET THEM.
one to another. They mark this family as well man-
aged, and that as ever in confusion, with the house
open at all hours and the meals straggling through
the day and night. They report this lady as a hard
mistress, and that one as blind and easily deceivod.
They know that in one household the servants are
paid high wages for little work, while in the next
they get but little pay for long hours and severe la-
bor. They are not without the information that one
lady allows great freedom, and another restricts the
servants to the utmost; that one strives to keep her
hold upon them by frequent gifts, and another by
winking at the generosity with which they deal out
her flour and sugar to their sisters and cousins and
aunts. Again, the indifferent cook hears that wages
for cooks are fifteen or seventeen or twenty dollars
a month, and forth with proceeds to demand the price
that even the good cook cannot always obtain.
“I have not drawn upon iny imagination in this
statement. This is no fancy sketch, but simply a
brief survey of the state of affairs among us; and
I am confident that it can be duplicated in many an-
other place, for Abingdon is not essentially different
in its social organization from other old towns. The
picture brings up the question, How shall reform be
effected, and what would be the perfect state of af-
fairs if it could be arrived at?
“Two points rise before the mind immediately:
first, there must be essential improvement in the
skill of our laborers; and, second, how can this im-
provement be insured ?
“We cannot expect to coinmand all the moral
virtues for cight or ten dollars a month, but we sure-
A PLAN PROPOSED.
123
ly can demand more ability in kitchen management
than is at present possessed by the average Abingdon
cook.
“We hear a great deal in these days about the
proper ventilation of dwelling-houses; we tear our
houses to pieces if there be a suspicion of imper-
fection in the water service, and yet we go to our
tables day after day to find poorly prepared food of-
fered to us and our children. We eat steaks that
were thin at first, from which the cook has taken
the remnant of life, and offer our little ones hot or
heavy bread that would give indigestion to a steam-
ship stoker. After all, we wonder, forsooth, why
our children are pale, and why we suffer from head-
aches, forgetting that new blood, muscle, and vigor
come only from nutritious food properly prepared.
“Now, suppose that this club as a body should re-
fuse to accept the services of incompetent servants,
or, at least, should discriminate in the prices paid to
those of different grades of proficiency, should we
not make a long first step in the direction of the im-
provement in skill and deportment that we so much
wislı to see in our servants?
"It is of little use for one lady to make a rule of
this kind and attempt to live up to it; but, if it is
once understood that the ladies of Abingdon as a
body have made the rule, the incompetent cook would
look for a place in Emory or Marion-anywhere to
be beyond the influence of the Mothers' Club.
Some of you are probably saying to yourselves,
'I have had my cook for five or ten years, my table
waiter and my nurse for even longer, and this sub-
ject does not interest ine.
We almost every day
124
GOOD SERVANTS, AND HOW TO GET THEM.
hear that there is a great deal of 'luck' in these
things, and that Mrs. So-and-so has bad luck while
her complaisant neighbor has good.
“Suppose the lady who has had a cook for ten
years were forced to change; I maintain that she
should be able to feel certain that her loss could be
speedily made good, and that the doctrine of luck'
should not enter into the calculation. Can we im-
agine a state of society even approaching the normal
condition where this would not be the rule?
“When women seek employment of men, those
who are unskilful never expect to receive the wages
obtained by those who have been thoroughly trained
for the work. The rule holds good in all depart-
ments of the labor market excepting that which
we are now particularly considering. We do not ex-
pect to pay our money unless we receive its equiv-
alent.
"I think that my demand is not extravagant when
I ask that the principle be perınitted to act in the
domain of the household service. It is but carrying
it a step farther when I add that it would be well
to make some agreement as to the privileges and
perquisites that we members of this club give to our
servants, for these form in their eyes no mean share
of their pay. There must of necessity always be
hard places and easy places, and we cannot make the
uniformity perfect. The most that we can hope, at
least at the beginning, is to lay down some principle
of general application which may serve as a guide
for all. We cannot expect to be alike in all the de-
tails. We are not equally generous or equally able
to give when we will; but perhaps we can frame a
RECOMMENDATIONS TO SERVANTS.
125
rule that will be so elastic in its application as not
to interfere with perfect freedom in the exercise of
benevolence as well as in the carrying out of feel-
ings of gratitude for faithful service.
“Incidentally there comes up in this connection
the subject of recommendations given to servants at
the time of leaving one's service. Let it be distinct-
ly understood that when we give a certificate of good
character it means just what it says, and that the
holder is worthy of commendation for faithfulness
and skill.
“My final suggestion may cover ground already
gone over, but it is one that in this age of intelli-
gence and activity should receive profound consid-
eration. It is this. Suppose that we establish a
training-school for domestic servants. Let the fam-
ily cook and laundress, the nurse and the waiter, be
there drilled in the general principles of the work
of their several departments, and, for a small fee,
receive a certificate of proficiency. If we could suc-
cessfully establish such a school, we should create for
ourselves a body of efficient helpers, and the certifi-
cate would be all that any one could demand as a
servant's credentials.
“I propose that we devote ourselves this winter
to the establishment of such a school, and that at
this meeting we appoint a committee of five to con-
sider the subject of the improvement of our domestic
service, with power to present a plan for the consid-
eration of the club.
“The expense attending such an undertaking
would be slight in comparison with the comfort that
would result from it; and it is not impossible that
126 GOOD SERVANTS, AND HOW TO GET THEM.
CC
some of us would like to take advantage of the op-
portunity to study the art of cooking, our fees going
towards the expenses of the school.
Let us frankly admit, albeit with shame and con-
fusion, that the troubles in which our domestic ser-
vice involves tis-troubles that beset us daily--arise
from the bungling and unbusiness-like way in which
we manage our affairs, and then let us devote our-
selves to bringing about a complete reformation. No
doubt a great deal of hard work and energetic talk-
ing will be required to accomplish a change in the
old-established ways; but is it not time for us to un-
dertake the labor at a moment when one of our most
popular writers can make the undisciplined ways of
women the basis of all his stories? Is it not well
for us to make an effort to be more methodical and
business-like in our affairs instead of simply standing
helpless by and joining in the laugh that is raised at
the expense of our sex ?"
THINGS REQUIRED BY EVERY ONE.
127
XVII.
A COMMITTEE DISCUSSION.
In accordance with the suggestion made in the
paper just presented, a committee of five was ap-
pointed to consider the subject, and in due time it
was convened. Mrs. Bristol opened the meeting by
turning to me and saying, "Do you not think, Mrs.
Vauglın, that your children are so young and your
family so large that your difficulties are greater than
ours-and, perhaps, seem greater than they are—be-
cause you have not the time for training domestics
that some of us have whose families are smaller and
the consequent cares less? I have had my cook ten
years, my waitress as long, and my nurse about the
same length of time. I have no faults to find, and
no difficulties to meet, except those that are conse-
quent upon the relation that exists in its best form."
“Our demands are so various," interposed Mrs.
Washington, before I had time to reply, “that I do
not see how any other person can train a servant to
suit us."
“There are certain things," I replied, " that are of
necessity required by every one: Te all have rooms
to be swept, and we do not all find that onr servants
know how to accomplish the simple duty. Then
there are stoves and fireplaces to be kept in order,
the economical modes of using coal and wood to be
128
A COMMITTEE DISCUSSION.
9
learned, windows to be washed, the use of labor-saving
apparatus to be learned, and much more that could
be taught as well as bread making and beef roasting.
If a woman applies to us for work with a certificate
from such a school, we should be as certain that she
could properly do her work as our husbands must be
that the book-keeper whom they employ is capable.”
“The amount of money required to establish such
a school,” said Mrs. Washington,"would be so grcat
that I think that we had better try to train our own
servants, and report to the club that while we think
such a school as has been suggested would be a great
desideratum, there is not enough energy and money
among us to make it practicable for us to enter
upon the enterprise, particularly as we are already
burdened with as many undertakings as we can well
99
carry on.”
MISTRESS AND MAID.
129
XVIII.
THE LARGER CHILDREN OF THE HOUSEHOLD.
THIS, then, was the end of the matter. The de-
cision, in accordance with the view of Mrs. Washing-
ton, was presented at the next meeting, when another
phase of the subject was discussed, “The Relation
between us and our Servants”—who were called the
larger children of the household.
“It is plain that we should feel greater responsi-
bility for the physical and moral welfare of our ser-
vants,” said Mrs. Sharpe; “for they come in and
form a part of our family circle. They listen to our
gossip, and perhaps learn lessons of uncharitableness
with each returning day. They are mentally and
morally untrained, and we have a mission towards
them that we too often forget."
“We must remember, too,” said Mrs. Cowan," that
almost without exception, black and white, they come
from foreign lands, and have a further claim upon
us for that reason."
“In the case of the blacks,” replied Mrs. Har-
grove, “that obligation may be overlooked; for
their ancestors probably came to America as long
ago as our own.
“With this proviso," added Mrs. Wythe, "that it
was Queen Anne and the Georges, who ruled our
ancestors, who brought the blacks to its by force, and
(6
9
130 THE LARGER CHILDREN OF TRE HOUSEHOLD.
obliged the one to receive as well as the other to be-
come unwelcome emigrants.
“ The difficulties of the situation are increased by
the fact that those who are ignorant are also suspi-
cious, and often misunderstand our kindest acts," said
Mrs. Sharpe. “We are well-nigh forced to make the
relation strictly a business affair, in which cach is to
look out for his own interest. It is difficult to see
how, in such instances, we can fulfil our mission to
them as we would."
“In many instances,"continued Mrs. Shepard, “the
differences of religious faith make it hard to meet on
common ground, especially when one is Protestant
and the other Catholic."
“I have noticed,” said I,“ that our dependents ob-
ject to the name 'servant,' which seems to convey
reproach. Would it not be well for us to recognize
this weakness, and cause even our children to re-
frain from giving umbrage by using the offensive
word ?"
“Would it not be better,” Mrs. Berkeley replied,
Sto make them understand that service and labor are
honorable, and that, after all, it is only the name of
the occupation that they have chosen, and that no
disgrace can attach to it so long as they are thor-
oughly prepared for their duties and do them well?”
“In one respect," said Mrs. Francis, “we are re-
miss. We make a rule that there shall be no 'fol-
lowers.' We provide no room but the kitchen in
which they can spend their evenings--a place which
is the scene of their labor during the day, and during
the summer is uncomfortably hot. Thus we virtu-
ally drive them to the street for their entertainment,
EVENINGS OUT.
131
and then find fault that they so often ask to go out
of an evening."
"Are we to be responsible for their evenings
out?!” asked Mrs. Lynch. “Do you not think they
would resent such interference by us as would be in.
volved in making them account to us for the manner
in which they spend their time when ont of the house
for a few hours ???
Mrs. Francis replied that it would require infinite
tact to get control in that respect, but that she thought
it might be accomplished in time.
“The truth is,” continued Mrs. Berkeley, “we
American women do not at all understand how to
treat our servants. We are either too familiar we
say 'please' too much-or else we try to exact from
them more than it is possible for them to do. It
would be well if we could learn something from the
English on this subject.”
“And yet," continued Mrs. Cowan, “my expe-
rience abroad, both with my own servants and what
I have been told by house-keepers in England, has
proved that the troubles with servants are not con-
fined to any land, nor to any form of government
or social organization. I found that some of those
servants in England who appear to us the most
exemplary are actually torments to their mistresses,
and that even the masters are not without their
troubles from the out-of-door workers. If we com-
pare ourselves with others, we shall find that our
· condition is not the worst in the world.”
“The relations between our children and our ser-
vants," said Mrs. Mason, "is a subject that comes
closely home to us, and ought to receive careful at-
132 THE LARGER CHILDREN OF THE HOUSEHOLD.
)
tention. Of course, the first servant to come to mind
in this connection is the nurse. In selecting one of
these, conscientiousness is the first thing to be sought,
and the second is a love of children. The little ones
soon learn that the nurse has a fondness for them,
and are easily managed when they are sure of the
affection of their custodian."
“Rudeness to the servant,” said I, “ought never
to be permitted, both for the good of the child and
the effect upon the servant. For the same reasons
too great familiarity should be discouraged, and the
relation had better be one of politeness rather than
of friendship--except, perhaps, on the part of the
nurse, who, if reasonable and equal to the situation,
should be treated as much as possible like one of the
family, and identified with all its interests.
"I think it important," said Mrs. Mason,“ to avoid
sending a message to a servant by a child, lest its
manner become dictatorial and that of the maid dis-
agreeable.' To rebuke a servant in the presence of
a child or of guests is putting upon her an indignity
that is reprehensible.”
Mrs. Sharpe closed the discussion by remarking,
“If we question ourselves very closely in regard to
the management of our servants, perhaps we may
find in many places opportunities for the improve-
ment of our methods, and I think that we shall do
well to ask ourselves the probable effect upon them
of being always fair and just in our requirements of
them."
THREATENING PARTIES.
133
XIX.
SUGAR AND SWEET CAKES.
It was an autumn afternoon, after we had all re-
turned from the springs and the mountains, and had
survived the annual exposure of ourselves and chil-
dren to the contaminations of strangers and the del-
eterious influences of hotel desserts, that Mrs. Mar-
shall read us a paper on “Sugar and Sweet Cakes,"
which we felt was appropriate, not only to the trou-
bles we had passed through, but also to the edible
dangers to which both we and our tender little ones
were to be exposed at the children's and grown peo-
ple's parties that we all knew were then threatening
ns in the near future.
"The subject of food and diet,” Mrs. Marshall be-
gan, "is of perennial interest to this august body,
and there is no doubt that we all agree in our no-
tions of a wholesome and suitable plan of living.
For my own enlightenment, I shall propose a few
questions and submit some of my doubts for solu-
tion.
“Is sugar an essential part of food? It is univer-
sally admitted that carbonaceous food in some form
is necessary to sustain life. Fat, sugar, and starch
are among the principal varieties of that class of
foods.
“ The human body consists of carbonaceous and
134
SUGAR AND SWEET CAKES.
nitrogenous tissues, and in choosing our food we are
taught to select such as contains nourishment for
both, but neither in excess. That man cannot be
sustained by any of these alone has been sufficiently
proved.
“As to the nourishing qualities of wheat there
can be no question, containing as it does all the ele-
ments necessary for bone and flesh, added to starch
enough to produce heat and fat.
Meats may be
placed next in importance as a staple of food, the
muscular portions furnishing the nitrogenous, and
the fat, carbonaceous material; and so long as man
can have either ineat or wheat he can thrive and be
happy. If he can have both, he can certainly be
maintained in health and vigor.
“ To a large class of civilized mankind, with its
sedentary habits, an excessive meat dict is unsuited
on account of its stimulating qualities, it being for
this reason more appropriate to inhabitants of the
cold regions of the North, or to those elsewhere who
lead active, roaming lives.
“It is a peculiarity of the human species that it
is in danger of using to excess whatever it likes.
In the use of sugar in the household we are gen-
erally too lavish. There is no danger of using
farinaceous food to excess, since its insipid taste
renders it rather unattractive, and, in fact, it is used
beyond a proper limit only by people who can pro-
cure no better diet.
The sugar we combine in
moderation with our food ought to be the limit of
its use, but, unfortunately, we do not stop here.
Children like sugar, and too often take the matter
of its consumption into their own hands. We like
IRREGULAR DIET.
135
to indulge them, and often give them sugar in the
attractive form of candy. We read articles on the
subject which state that sugar is necessary for is,
and unconsciously construe this into an excuse for
over-indulgence, which results in stomachs over-
loaded with sweets and digestions sooner or later
sadly impaired.
“A serious objection to a diet of sweet things is
the irregularity with which it is supplied. We are
all aware that children require to be fed more fre-
quently than grown persons, and that their meals
inust be given at regular intervals, while candies
are eaten between meals, thus keeping the stomach
in a constant state of excitement.
Again, why must we have in the pantry at all
times 'a little simple cake for the children,' as we
express it? Perhaps it is not all for the children;
and that as it takes a good many grown persons to
see that one child is properly escorted to the circus,
so it furnishes us adults a good excuse for an oppor-
tunity to satisfy our appetites for sweets when we
can say that we keep them for the children. This
is neither here nor there, however. Butter and
sugar, in themselves harmless when properly used,
become injurious when combined - and when lard
is incorporated with them the result is still inore
pernicious.
"Is it to be wondered at that children who eat
sugar and cake at irregular times come to their
meals and will not eat what is provided for them?
A child that cannot enjoy a simple meal is not
healthy. His stomach must be out of sorts. We
attribute it to his "nerves,' his teeth,' or even to his
136
SUGAR AND SWEET CAKES.
rapid growth,' when no other cause can be con-
jured up for it; but I venture to affirm that, if
such a child be deprived of his sweets, including his
simple cake,' for a year or two, his nerves will im-
prove, his teeth do well, and his rapid growth bring
him speedily to strong manhood with a good appe-
tite for bread, butter, meats and vegetables.
"We must not overlook the moral influence to
be exerted by denying a child sweets. A sound
heart goes hand-in-hand with a healthy body. The
practice of self-denial and control of the appetite
is one of the first essentials in the training of the
young. I consider sugar one form of luxury, the
habit of using which should be discouraged in chil-
dren, for, if their pleasures be simple, their capacity
for enjoyment increases. In the same proportion
that we indulge the palate we increase the fondness
for the pleasures of sense. We do not wish to be
of the number of those
who, being mature in knowledge,
Pawn their experience to their present pleasure,
And so rebel to judgment.'
At the same time, we must not lose sight of the
truth that a certain amount of enjoyment and pleas-
ure must be granted to every one; and it is only
when self-restraint is never exercised that things in
themselves harmless become injurious.
“Milton has put into words the substance of what
I would try to impress upon myself and upon you,
in the conversation of the angel Michael with Adam:
"If thou well observe,' said Michael,
The rule of Not too much, by temperance taught,
In what thou eat'st and drink'st, seeking from thence
SUGAR ON TOMATOES?
137
Due nourishment, not gluttonous delight,
Till many years over thy head return,
So may'st thou live, till like ripe fruit thou drop
Into thy mother's lap, or be with ease
Gathered, not harshly pluck'd for death mature.
This is old age.””
“The truths in the paper just read," said Mrs.
Hollins, as the reader closed, " are so evident that
few will be found to dispute the arguments based
on them, unless, perhaps, some take exception to the
small amount of sugar allowed."
"As to that,” said Mrs. Sharpe, “it sometimes
seems to me that those who argue against the use
of sugar do not like it, and mistake their taste for
principle. And yet I bare heard that political
economists say that the advancement of a nation
in civilization may be pretty accurately ganged by
the amount of sugar it uses."
“No doubt," added Mrs. Shepard, “there is some-
thing in the remark of Mrs. Sharpe. Have you
never heard one who does not use sugar freely con-
demn heartily those who do as having 'poor taste,
and yet the retort might be made in kind by the ac-
cused. If one says, 'What, sugar in tomatoes ! Bah,
how can you?' the other can reply, 'What, no sugar
in your tomatoes. How can you eat them so ?? »
“We must guard that point," said Mrs. Berkeley,
rand be sure that our individual tastes are not
the standards we adopt in giving food to our chil-
dren. We should strive to make it possible for
them to eat everything that is wholesome and con-
venient. And yet, how can any one put sugar in
tomatoes ?"
“The value of an appetite not too particular to
>
138
SUGAR AND SWEET CAKES.
eat good food of any sort is apparent in emergencies
and when travelling. I have known a little child
made miserable while on a journey because at a l'es-
taurant it was served with coarse, granulated sugar
instead of that which was powdered.”
“Are you not wandering from the subject,” in-
terposed Mrs. Washington," which is, what shall our
children eat? not their fastidiousness."
“My suggestion," I replied," was intended to be
this: let us try to protect our children against aver-
sion to any particular sort of good, wholesome food,
because they may at some time be so situated that
the particular viand to which they have acquired
the notional aversion may be an important article
of diet."
“I have known a lady who said that she could not
cat lamb," said Mrs. Marshall," and yet, if it is served
up under another name, she eats it with relish."
“We must guard against too much wisdom on this
subject,” Mrs. Emory interposed. "Perhaps I had
rather say against too much prejudice. Allowance
must be made for individual tastes; for it almost
seems true that what is poison to one is health-giv-
ing to another. Pray let us not deny one child an
article of diet merely because its brother's system
rebels against it.”
“ This truth is forced upon me every day,” said
Mrs. Berkeley; "for one of my children demands
fruit and oatmeal for health, while the other cannot
touch either with impunity, thoughi equally fond of
both. I should add that each well understands the
state of the case, and they rarely ask a second time
for articles that are said to be hurtful."
KEEPERS OF FINE ANIMALS.
139
>>
“I congratulate you, my dear Mrs. Berkeley," ex-
claimed Mrs. Jayne, warınly, "in having your chil-
dren so well trained that they do not tease you at
the table for hurtful things.”
"I am sure that I am a proper subject for con-
gratulation, for I find, as I make visits (outside of
Abingdon, of course), that it is not the rule for chil-
dren to acquiesce in the decisions of their parents on
all occasions without remonstrances. I have accom-
plished my purpose in this respect by the simple
process of reasoning with my children. I have
shown them that I am always more than ready to
give them everything they want, if I think that it
will be for their good; and I have taken special
pains to point this out at times when they were re-
ceiving from me something of the nature of a favor.
My children are human, and of course they did not
learn the good habit without considerable drilling."
Mrs. Shepard remarked here, “While we agree
with the lady who, in her paper, has offered us so
many valuable suggestions, let us guard against the
error of limiting our practice to the following out of
any single prescribed rule, no matter low promising
it inay at first appear, but watch the physical traits
of each member of the household, and try to supply
always those articles of diet which, if not to the
taste, are yet wholesome and strengthening.
“We might learn many a valuable lesson from the
keepers of fine animals, who, to preserve them in the
best condition, give them just enough of the most
nutritive food at regular intervals. It cannot be
that our finer organization can be tampered with or
overfed without detriment."
140
SUGAR AND SWEET CAKES.
“We can learn a good deal, too,” added Mrs. Lee,
“from the training to which those inen submit who
are to take part in athletic sports. The athletes who
are to compete for prizes in regattas, in running-
matches, tournaments, and the like, are very particu-
lar about their food, sleep, and exercise. They carry
the matter to an extreme, to be sure, and many of
them break down after the time of active struggling
is passed; but their failures inay give us lessons as
well as their successes. All tends to teach us that
the body is a delicate inachine that should be taken
care of and provided for in the way that experience
shows is best to keep it in the proper trim for the
regular and efficient performance of its functions."
“Sugar," said Mrs. Marshall, “ bas probably done
more injury to the human stomach than any other
article of diet. It really adds nothing to the strength
of muscle, and so quickly satisfies the appetite that
it prevents healthy food being taken in sufficient
quantities."
“We women know little of the science of life,"
sighed Mrs. Berkeley. “What a pity it is that we
do not study more the laws of health, of chemistry,
of physiology, in order that we may keep up the
physical tone of manhood and womanhood. How
much better it would be than that we should spend
time wearing away our knuckles knocking at the
doors of legislative halls, as some have done in
other regions, and, perhaps, still are doing for aught
that I know. How much better than that we should
try to thrust ourselves into positions for which we
are not adapted, and into places where we are not
wanted !"
HEART-BURNING AND HOT BREAD.
141
“Yes," replied Mrs. Washington, “they leave
undone their own work-work laid upon them by
Providence-and beg to do that of their husbands
and brothers. What a pity that some inspiration
should not come to us, or that conscience should not
suggest the proper field for energy thus wasted by
wrong application! Then, perhaps, there would be
less dyspepsia in our country, husbands would be
more contented, pessimism would decrease, mortality
among infants would grow less, and the world would
be happier and better."
“There would certainly be less heart-burning
caused by lot bread !" ejaculated Mrs. Follen.
“Still, I contend that there is a good deal to be
said in favor of woman-suffrage, especially in the
election of members of the school-boards,” remarked
Mrs. Emory.
As the president said that woman-suffrage was not
under discussion, a motion to adjourn was heard to
proceed from the part of the room in which Mrs.
Berkeley sat, and the ladies promptly acted upon it.
Consternation was spread in the Abingdon homes
that evening as the orders went forth confiscating to
the maternal pockets the entire stock of candies in a
number of families, and the name of Mrs. Marshall
was repeated with opprobrium by scores of sweet
lips.
142
SELF-CONTROL.
XX
SELF-CONTROL,
THERE was a pretty full meeting at the house
of Mrs. Randolph one afternoon towards the iniddle
of January, in spite of the fact that the absence of
sidewalks in the Abingdon streets makes walking in
the muddy season not the most pleasant exercise in
the world. Mrs. Sharpe read a paper on “Self-con-
trol,” which held the attention of the members from
beginning to end.
“Any quality which we adınire and yet feel our-
selves specially deficient in," so she humbly began,
“is likely to seem of the greatest importance in our
sight. That may be one reason why I have chosen
"Self-control' for my subject this afternoon; but
it is not the only one, for the inore I have thought
about it the more it has seemed impossible to over-
state its importance to us all. A character without
it is like an army without a commanding officer, and
there can be but one result in any campaign-defeat.
It is so strictly fundamental in the building up
noble character that even truthfulness is dependent
on it; for, under the influence of uncontrollable fear,
for example, even the most truthful are in danger of
descending to the use of falsehood. Self-control in
diet means health and strength; in expenditure it
means honesty and peace of mind; in sickness it is
of
2
A LUDICROUS PICTURE.
143
6
sometimes so important a factor that it is reckoned
by one's friends as adding much to the chances of
recovery. This is true in consumption as well as
in nervous diseases. A judge in Boston, who had
fought for many years against inherited consump-
tion, was wont to say that he had prolonged his life
for years by controlling his desire to cough. If I
may adopt and change the bearing of the hackneyed
quotation from Douglas Jerrold, any advice to those
about to cough is, 'Don't !!
"It is a truism that the very essence of good-
breeding is self-control. It is the distinguishing
mark of the higher classes the world over. The
lower one descends in the social scale the more
the absence of it is noted. Who that has seen the
Shaughraun' played has not laughed at the utter
abandonment to her feelings of Conn's mother,
when she discovers that her son is determined to
expose himself to the risk of being seized by the
officers? What a ludicrous picture she makes—the
fat, old Irishi woman, jumping up and down with
rage, her big mob-cap flapping wildly to and fro,
while she screeches at the very top of her voice!
We laugh because the delineation is true to her ig-
norant, ungoverned nature.
- Self-restraint is not difficult for most women in
the presence of a great occasion which calls out all
the heroic in her character. It is in the wear and
tear and liurry of our daily lives that we oftenest
need and lose it. Rare is the mother who can keep
her equanimity when her child playfully throws
down its cup of milk on her new rug; and before
the Abingdon woman who can lose her train-the
144
SELF-CONTROL.
one she must' take — and still maintain a noble
calm, I bow in hopeless adıniration!
"For mothers above all others this virtue is of
vital importance. Jean Paul says, 'A mother's scream
may echo through a daughter's life. One yielding
to a storm of angry passion, or to a violent, unrea-
sonable desire during the three first and most im-
pressionable months, may stamp itself forever on the
unborn child. Once it seemed to be the popular no-
tion that a woman's fancies at that time must all be
gratified, at whatever cost; now it is rather the teach-
ing that the woman should control herself, and by
the force of her own will divert her mind from un-
reasonable longings. We all know how dangerous
to the nursing child is the nurse's fit of unrestrained
excitement. Convulsions and death itself are re-
corded among the known results. Self-control at
these most important periods is, however, not a
virtue that can be suddenly assumed. It must be the
habit of the soul. As Jane Eyre forcibly said, when
parting from Rochester, ‘Laws and principles are
not for the time of no temptation. With my veins
running fire, and my heart beating faster than I can
count its throbs, preconceived opinions, foregone
determinations are all I have at this hour to hold
by. The value of self-command is not less for our
selves and our children as they grow in years, and I
know no better way of teaching them than by our
daily example.
“One day, when I was a very little girl, I was
watching my mother make strawberry preserves.
I
can see the great kettle of boiling liquid now, clear
as rubies. Beside the stove stood a large milk-pan
"OH, BRIDGET !"
145
containing some squash, for company' pies, with
a plenty of milk and eggs in it. Now, Bridget, '
said my mother, at last, in a satisfied tone, “it is
done; take the kettle off. This was accomplished,
and then, with almost incredible stupidity, the 'help'
actually emptied the strawberries into the squash!
My mother turned her head just too late. She was
quick and impulsive, but there escaped from her
mouth only a despairing 'Oh, Bridget!' Then, as
she saw the girl's instantly regretful face, she ut-
tered no angry reproaches, no useless lamentations.
No doubt, when my tired mother, who was not
strong (I lost her at fifteen), went up-stairs to rest,
she felt disheartened, and thought that her pre-
serves and squash, her time and labor, had all been
wasted; but probably she never did for me a more
valuable morning's work than when she gave me
that unconscious lesson in sweet self-control.
Insanity is said to be increasing to an appalling
extent. In some of its forms it is defined as
uncontrollable desire' - as for stimulants, dipsoma-
nia, for acquisition, kleptomania. In how many in-
stances this uncontrollable desire might have been
checked by a wise, strong mother in early life. The
switch-tender moves the rail on a curve but an inch,
and turns the crowded train easily to right or left;
but, if he allow the locomotive to pass that point,
not all the strength of man can make the train
swerve from the wrong track. The superintendent
of one of our largest lunatic asylums has said that
the insanity of his patients, in a far larger number
of cases than most people dream, is directly tracea-
ble to a want of the habit of self-control. Not only
6
an
10
146
SELF-CONTROL,
does the unrestrained indulgence in stimulants, and
the gratification of the baser animal passions stimu-
late it, but to yield day after day to fits of anger at
slight causes, or to allow any idea to gain the mas-
tery over one by continual, unchecked brooding
upon it, has the same terrible tendency. Mothers
little realize, he says, the paramount importance of
teaching self-control to children if they would save
them from ending their days in a hospital for the
insane.
“One of the experts in the frightful Guiteau trial
stated, under the sanctity of his oath, that he had
never known a case where insanity was directly trans-
mitted, but that people were sometimes born strong-
ly predisposed to it. If this be true, as it probably
is, it behooves all to raise every safeguard against
the terrible tendency by teaching self-government
in early youth. Is not the trend of our time towards
parental indulgence, in its rebound from the undue
severity of earlier days, in a measure responsible for
the increase of insanity? Is it not as important,
however, that our children's characters should be
strong as that their childhood should be entirely
pleasant ? May it not be feared that wlien we too
carefully avoid denying them a gratification—even
When in our hearts we doubt the harmlessness of it
--we are very far from helping them to practise that
self-government upon which their future usefulness
and happiness, perhaps even the continuance of their
reason, may depend ?
“If, then, this virtue is so nearly all-important, the
great question is, How shall we acquire it? It seems
to me that one way to accomplish the desired end is
THE NIGHT OF THE PORTLAND FIRE.
147
to gain the knowledge of what should be done in
some one great and sudden emergency. To know
such a simple fact as that a mustard - bath for the
feet is always safe, and will sometimes save life in
case of a violent congestion, will prevent one from
ignominiously standing and wringing one's hands
when the emergency occurs.
“Another simple but efficient help is to have com-
mand at least of the voice. In a discussion, he who
preserves the outward semblance of calmness is sure
to come off best. Whatever else you do or fail to
do when excited, keep your voice down. When you
reprove a servant or a child for an offence which
makes you inwardly boil with indignation, if you
will only pitch your voice on a low key, and reso-
lutely keep it there, you will be inistress of the situ-
ation--and of yourself. I have read of a mother
who said that for her it was the only safe course to
reprove her children in a whisper, so much reason
had she to distrust her naturally violent temper.
“Will you pardon me if I draw another illustra-
tion from my own experience? On the night of the
Portland fire, one of the family to which I belong
was dangerously ill with disease of the heart. All
realized that any exhibition of fear by us might be
fatal to him, and we resolved that no loud, excited
voice should be heard in the house. It was won-
derful how the necessity for outward self-control
steadied and helped the household during that night
of terror. Even our servants caught the contagion
of calmness and quiet, and worked with a coolness
that was amazing as the household goods were hur-
riedly packed amid the lurid glare of the rapidly
148
SELF-CONTROL.
approaching flames and the falling of cinders. We
thought at the time, as we calmly spoke to one an-
other in low tones, that a single loud cry would have
broken the spell and ruined all our plans.
"I think that you will all agree with me that the
one great help of helps (for I cannot extend the
discussion farther) is the habit of looking up for
strength to One who is mightier than wem-who is
unmoved among all the changes and upturnings of
time, and who has promised to all who feel the need
of something firm to set their feet upon, 'Ask, and
ye shall receive.' If only every day in our often
too burried and worried lives we would take but fif-
teen minutes for retirement, for quiet self - recollec-
tion and prayer, strength and calmness would surely
come to us. Things around us would assume their
due proportions; the trifles and worries that seem
at the moment supreme would grow less important
in our eyes, as our life gained in perspective, and we
came to see more clearly the outlines of that vast and
unknown future which, whether we ignore it or not,
lies yet before each one of us. The Roman Catholic
Faber unlocks the true secret of self-control when he
sings,
"Keep quietly to God, and think
Upon the eternal years!'”
“Is there, then, no limit to the mother's responsi-
bility ?" asked Mrs. Hollins, as the reading closed.
“ The words we have just heard are calculated to
make us tremble, and stand in awe before our chil-
dren. We must thank the essayist for the last words,
for, truly, but for the strength which lies outside of
us, we mothers with weak nerves, overburdened and
"SPEAK SMALL, LIKE A WOMAN."
149
وز
frail bodies, would sink under the cares that accul-
mulate with the sacred duties of motherhood."
“The suggestion that the voice should be kept
down, that we should 'speak small, like a woman,' as
Shakspeare has it, is a good one," said Mrs. Berkeley;
“and yet I have seen the time when I have felt al-
most indignant with the gentle mother who seemed
to lack the fire and force that would have stopped
the teasing of a child pleading for a forbidden pleas-
ure.'
“By all means let us not fail to be firm and de-
cided," said Mrs. Follen, “and not too weak to ex-
press righteous indignation when a child's act calls
for it. At the same time we must avoid the bane
of our life and the destroyer of home comfort-the
habit of scolding."
“If we accept the testimony of experts," said Mrs.
Emory, "and believe that tlie fearful scourge of in-
sanity is on the increase, we shall indeed do well to
begin to teach ourselves and our children the power
of self-control—which, in other words, amounts to
doing on all occasions the right thing because it is
right. Keeping back the harsh word, uttering the
tender one, when every impulse of our nature tends
to force us to do otherwise, is indeed hard, but it can
be done. Keeping close to the Sinless One is the
only way for human nature to gain and retain self-
control, for with His help all things are possible."
150
DEFERENCE OF CHILDREN TO PARENTS.
XXI.
DEFERENCE OF CHILDREN FOR THEIR PARENTS,
AND HOW TO TEACH IT.
At one of the meetings held, in our fourth year, ,
at Mrs. Bristol's house, that lady gave very efficient
impulse to our discussions by reading a brief paper
on the "Respect due from Children to their parents."
“How can we teach our children to pay us the def-
erence and respect which we find so much pleasure
in giving to our parents?” So Mrs. Bristol worded
her question.
“I do not mean," she began, “ to touch upon the
graver questions of the traits of character upon which
all real as well as ontward respect must be founded,
for we all realize the great importance of these.
“The requirements of respectful manners, and its
first consideration in our homes, it seems to me, are
too lightly regarded for the best good of the children,
or even for their happiness.
“Probably none of us can remember when we did
not observe the little courtesies which in the days
of our youth children paid, as a matter of course, to
the elders of the household, and we cannot recollect
any teaching that was necessary in this respect; but
I am sure that my children will be able to remember
with great distinctness, unless early deprived of the
usual strength of memory, when it was quite habit-
(1
THE GRUFF
THANKS!"
151
ual to take and keep the most comfortable chair, to
seat themselves at table before some of their elders,
and to take the last umbrella without inquiring as
to the wants of others. I think it quite unnecessary
to mention household errands-when a visit to the
store is contemplated, for example; and the old-
fashioned question, 'Can I do anything for you?'
seems to be ont of date.
“Are the children more selfish than of old, or does
the fault lie with us, or is the custom of the time to
blame? We make companions of our children, iden-
tify our lives, pleasures, and interests with theirs, live
for them, and never see the inoment when it is time
for them to begin to live for us. Of course we do
not wish them to live for us on our own account, but
because they can never experience some of the great
pleasures that we enjoy uoless they fit their lives
around our's, as we have shaped ours for them.
"In these days, when the graceful 'I thank you'
has given place to the gruff 'Thanks,' when no de-
mands are made upon the children's spirit of self-
sacrifice, and little respect is paid to persons or to
offices, it is very hard to have our children call us
exacting,' 'strict,' or even 'queer;' unpleasant to
be told, constantly, ‘My manners are the same as
those of my companions; you do not wish me to be
priggish! We are so opposed to nagging that we
confine ourselves to, 'Rise, and give your grand-
mother the chair,' but never expect it for ourselves.
We live on, hoping that the day will come when the
young people will see for themselves that it is more
graceful to be considerate than selfish, more refined
to be polite than rude. No doubt this time will
66
6
152
DEFERENCE OF CHILDREN TO PARENTS.
come some day; but can they afford to wait, and by
waiting lose some of the sweetest memories of op-
portunities that may not come to them again?
“We hear a great deal about graceful dancing,
pretty faces, bright talkers, as well as the dearer
charms of good scholarship — not to mention the
virtues of base ball and tennis grounds—but seldom,
I fear, can the most eager ears catch the old-fash-
ioned compliment, 'Such charming manners!' Per-
laps one of the greatest pleasures that we enjoy is
the recollection of the little kindnesses and attentions
that we paid, when children, to those to whom we
have had no opportunity to show our affection later
in life. It is a reasonable satisfaction. Do we give
to our children the teaching that may bring to them
the happiest memories of some self-sacrifice for us,
or can we only leave the recollection of what we have
done for them ?"
“Mrs. Bristol's opening question," said Mrs. Lee,
as the reading was concluded, “suggests the reply,
We should teach our children to pay us the respect
that we so much like to pay our parents in the way
that the same inclination was taught us; but it also
suggests that we are not satisfied with the methods
practised by our parents, the success of which we
nevertheless acknowledge.”
" The manners of children at home," said Mrs.
Sharpe, "form the very foundation-stone of society.
We all know that politeness is defined to be “kind-
ness of heart;' and the desire to do always and to
every one the best thing in one's power makes first
a good son or daughter, afterwards a good husband
or wife, and then a good citizen."
THE WORD KINDNESS.
153
" True,” said Mrs. Berkeley; "but the question
remains, How shall we teach it?"
« The first rule," interposed Mrs. Washington, "is
that the mother should herself be what she would
have her children become; and the second, that she
should instil into them from early childhood-per-
haps I had better say from babyhood — the princi-
ples of kindness and politeness, by always encourag-
ing little acts of unselfishness towards us and their
brothers and sisters."
“ “I like that word 'kindness,' ” said Mrs. Wythe,
“for I never hear it without remembering its deri-
vation. To be kind is only another form of being
human - being like our kind, or acting as though
we ever felt the tie that binds us to our kind.
How much of our ill-manners arises from forget-
fulness that others are children of the same All-
Father!”
"Perhaps it is true," said Mrs. Sharpe, “ that re-
spectful manners are little seen in the young nova-
days; but the fault must not be laid at the doors of
the children. It is we who are to blame. We do
not exact of them what our parents exacted of us.
While we may have gained an intimacy of which
they knew nothing, we have certainly lost the def-
erence that they enjoyed."
“The difficulty lies in the fact that it is not pleas-
ant,” said Mrs. Washington, "for us to make the
necessary demands of our children. We do not like
to ask the most comfortable place at the fireside for
ourselves, or the best chair on the veranda. This
may, perhaps, be overcome by letting the father
make the demand for the mother and she for him."
154
DEFERENCE OF CHILDREN TO PARENTS.
“This presumes, of course," said Mrs. Randolph,
" that mother and father are always polite to each
other."
Nothing else can be presumed of Abingdon hus-
bands," replied Mrs. Berkeley. "I have remarked
before that I have it always in mind, as I think of
my boy, that I am making either a good or a bad
husband; and I think that if we all did the same
our success would be greater."
"Must we, then, always keep in mind the fact that
our children are at some time to seek other homes
than our own ?" inquired Mrs. Cowan.
"No; but we must make them unselfish in their
present homes, and then they will be acceptable
members of society anywhere."
“We are still too general," said Mrs. Lee. “We
have all failed; and the essay touches every one of
us at a point where we are conscious that we have
done wrong. How, then, shall the evil before us be
counteracted? The rules laid down apply well to
the case of a child whose discipline is just begin-
ning, but the fault is most offensive in our half-
grown children. How are we to rectify their bad
habits ?"
Mrs. Berkeley attempted to give light on the sub-
ject by relating her own experience. “One day,"
said she, “ when I was tired, and worn by cares and
anxieties, and weakened by ill-health, I struck my son
in a fit of impatience over some offence which I had
ignored, perhaps, a hundred times before. My hu-
iniliation and remorse over the wrong thus done to
the child were intense, and, calling him to me, I
said, “My son, I have done wrong towards you, and
THOUGHTLESS IMPOLITENESS.
155
wish you to forgive me. The little fellow threw
his arms about my neck and begged my pardon. A
conversation followed which neither of us will ever
forget, resulting in strength to me and in a self-
control and tender consideration for me on his part
which have never failed. Now, as honest confession
is good for the soul, how would it do for us to go
home, and, gathering our children about us, say to
them, plainly, 'Children, I am doing you injustice,
training you to be selfish men and women and un-
lovely characters; we will change our lives now and
live less for self and more for each other, helping
not by criticism, but by example ?! ”
This suggestion did not meet an immediate re-
sponse. Some, doubtless, did not approve it. Oth-
ers did not feel conscious of baving been training
their children to selfishness, and others doubted the
propriety of such confessions to children who have
not maturity enough to take them aright.
Mrs. Sharpe therefore gave a new turn to the con-
versation by remarking, "Manners may be learned
at dancing-schools and in society, but true politeness
grows in the home circle only. If missed there, it
is seldom learned elsewhere."
“An illustration occurs to me," remarked Mrs.
Lynch. "I was once in coinpany with a gentleman
who was punctilions in observing the rules of good
behavior and kindly politeness, but omitted to ob-
serve one trivial courtesy generally shown women.
I was bold enough to ask the reason of the omission.
The gentleman replied that his mother and sisters
had never demanded the attention, and that he was
not aware of his deficiency."
156
DEFERENCE OF CHILDREN TO PARENTS.
"To make young people easy in manners towards
their elders and not bold is a delicate feat to accoin-
plish; but it can be done if they are often thrown
with the friends of their parents, and those friends
are not indiscreet in talking of the children in their
presence, and thus bringing on that great evil, self-
consciousness.”
“In other words," continued Mrs. Lynch, taking
up the idea, "if generous people will treat young
persons with greater deference and respect, their
manners will react upon themselves.”
“How many of us," added Mrs. Francis, “are
guilty of passing half-grown boys on the street
without seeking an opportunity of bowing to them;
or, perhaps, in calling upon a friend, we may have
said to her daughter, 'Why, Sallie, how you have
grown! how like your father you look ! thus calling
attention at once to herself. Should we feel at ease
if we were accosted in such language by some one
whom we do not know very well ?''
“Therefore," sententiously remarked Mrs. Emory,
"we are not responsible for our own families alone,
but each has something to do with the discipline of
the children of her friends and acquaintances."
“So much has been said and thought about our
duties to our children,” remarked Mrs. Shepard,
“that we are in danger of neglecting to emphasize
their duties to us. True, some persons take the po-
sition that there is no obligation on their part, be-
cause their existence was not voluntary, and that,
therefore, no thanks are due from them to their
parents for the unwcarying devotion which it would
have been simply inhuman not to bestow."
MATURE SONS AND DAUGHTERS.
157
“Most good habits, continued Mrs. Marshall,
“must be instilled by constant diligence, but evil
habits grow as by magic. Maternal love is a natu-
ral affection, but can filial love be called the saine?
Can we demand affection from our children on the
mere ground of parentage? Whatever answer we
give to these questions, we must look to it that we
cultivate amiable traits in ourselves, traits that will
force the love and admiration of our children.”
“This is new doctrine to me," said Mrs. Emory.
“Are we not in danger of becoming wiser than the
Bible, which says, 'Honor thy father and thy moth-
er,' and Children, obey your parents in the Lord ?'
The old-fashioned rule of deference to parents is the
safest for society and the best for happy family
life.”
A general evidence of assent was manifested in
the room, and Mrs. Francis asked, "What, then, is
the rule that should govern the family when sons
and daughters have reached the age of maturity ?
Shall they be permitted to carry out their own in-
dependent views regarding the regulation of the
household, and follow their own line of conduct in
the family?"
" There can be but one answer to that question,
said Mrs. Washington. The parent must be ultimate
authority; and so long as children accept parental
support and protection, they must make their ac-
tions, if not their views, accord with the household
arrangements and economy of time. All violation
of family rules should be explained, and as carefully
apologized for as if the father and mother were host
and hostess. Some responsibility should, if possible,
158
DEFERENCE OF CHILDREN TO PARENTS.
be placed upon each daughter. One might provide
for the table; another have a general supervision of
the linen-closet, the care of the breakfast silver or
glass, and so on; but the mother should always be
above all of them in anthority, so long as she is able
to give thought and care to the household. The
minor duties should be engaged in, as helping her in
the great cares demanded by the many departments
of a well-ordered establishment. The father's au-
thority should be ultimate, of course, whether con-
sidered by any one in the circle as influenced by
caprice, whims, stubbornness, or what not. The
house is his, made by his indefatigable labor, and he
should be master. The cosiest corner, the best of
all, should be accorded to him with one consent, and
his wishes obeyed in every respect.”
“Pretty strong doctrine,” whispered Mrs. Jayne
to Mrs. Randolph, “but I am not sure that any of
us would be willing to take an opposite position.”
MRS. WASHINGTON ON ACCURACY.
159
XXII.
ACCURACY: THE PRINCIPLE.
Ar two meetings, separated by the lapse of two
years, essays were read on the subject of "Accuracy."
They presented two views of the theme, which may
be described, in general, to be the principle and the
application of it. Mrs. Washington brought the sub-
ject up first by reading an essay intended to pre-
sent the
PRINCIPLE OF ACCURACY,
Perhaps it may be said," she remarked in open-
ing, “that in considering truthfulness, which we
have already discussed at different times, we have
inferentially considered also what may possibly be
held to be a comparatively unimportant branch of
it--accuracy. Yet soine of us will, I doubt not, be
ready to allow that if only a branch of a greater sub-
ject, accuracy is by no means unimportant, and that,
like many Christian virtues-humility and charity,
for instance (each of which taken in its fullest mean-
ing seems of necessity to include the others)--accu-
racy, if carefully examined, will be found to affect
the entire personal character, not only in regard to
words, but also in respect to thoughts and actions.
Perhaps it may be rather considered that inaccuracy
goes through the whole character, but we shall not
160
ACCURACY: THE PRINCIPLE.
quarrel about words, so long as the desired idea is
brought clearly to mind.
« Truthfulness ought to include accuracy, and yet
we should hesitate to pronounce one untruthful who
is simply inaccurate. Untruthfulness contains the
idea of intention, while inaccuracy is unintentional.
Does not this show that our subject has a bearing of
its own, which may lead us into many by-ways and
the consideration of small details almost too trivial
to be connected directly with the grandeur of truth?
It is indeed the finger with which truth touches the
trifles of life, and thus regarded, surely we cannot
refuse it our attention.
“Accuracy, as has just been said, enters into
thought, word, and action. Theoretically, thought
comes first in order, but in practice it is not easy to
decide whether accurate thought produces accurate
speech, or whether the habit of inaccuracy in the use
of language does not affect the habits of thought.
Probably the action and reaction are so intermin-
gled that it would be impossible to deterinine which
is cause and which effect. It is the old problem,
Which came first, the owl or the egg?
“We may say that, with persons who speak before
they think, inaccurate speech acts upon the habit of
thought; but we should scarcely say that with per-
sons who think before they speak the converse is the
case, for we feel instinctively that those who are
deliberate are much less likely to be inaccurate than
their hastier sisters.
Accuracy enters into action as well as thought,
however, and into speech. In action we are apt to
call it thoroughness, because doing work accurately
(6
EMBELLISHING A NARRATIVE,
161
and nicely in every point, with nothing unfinished
or untidy, necessarily involves thoroughness, how-
ever small or large the work may be. .
“If we allow ourselves to be inaccurate in the
minor details of actions-if we leave ends of thread
hanging from our sewing, or turn the corners differ-
ent ways in hemming a square kerchief; spread the
cover on the table hastily without ininding whether
the corners hang even or not; go to a closet or a
drawer for pieces and thrust the bundles in with the
expression 'I will come and put them to rights by-
and-by'--are we not haunted by a feeling of shift-
lessness, of wishing to go back and begin over again
a feeling so much out of proportion to the actual
carelessness that we are forced to realize that inac-
curacy is not a trifling fault. The same conscience
pricks us when, after telling a story in, as we think,
rather an entertaining way for the edification of a
friend, our small child says, 'But, mamma, she didn't
say that, she said so-and-so,' and forthwith proceeds
to take the point off our tale by presenting it with-
out the adornment with which we had endeavored
to make it attractive. The child can be silenced
by being told not to interrupt mamma when she is
speaking, but conscience does not so easily excuse
us, and we feel again that there is something wrong.
“How, then, shall we set this wrong right? We
find it comparatively easy to say to ourselves, 'Oh,
I have a general idea of the matter, and when I have
time I will think it out. It is not so easy to take a
concrete portion of the general idea and think it out
carefully; and yet by so doing the smaller thought
becomes completely our own, ready for use in any
11
162
ACCURACY: THE PRINCIPLE.
emergency, while the general notion is so large and
so very general that we actually never find time to
think it out, and thus it does not become our own
at all.
“In the practice of accuracy as well as in that of
other virtues habit goes a great way, and forcing our
minds, once or twice even, to the accurate compre-
hension of an idea proves a great assistance to ac-
quiring accuracy of speech. Here, again, a little de-
liberation, a little care in the use of the positive or
comparative degree instead of the superlative, stop-
ping to consider exactly how many persons have
made a certain remark before stating that "every-
body says so, will not only give one the satisfaction
of feeling that a good habit is forming and growing
in strength, but will also set free so large a number
of adjectives for use in their appropriate connection
that the English language no longer will seem too
poor to express our emotions when a real occasion
for using them arrives.
* Probably we shall all agree that to a certain
point accuracy is extremely desirable; but, on the
other hand, in our hearts we feel that it is possible
to be too accurate, to make one's self a nuisance by
insisting, either by precept or example, that every
word and action must follow a precise rule, allowing
no scope for the imagination, devoting one's self so
completely to accuracy of details that the true, gen-
eral effect is lost sight of by the mind, and the final
result is not incompleteness, but confusion. In fact,
after being inconvenienced and repelled by this pain-
fulness of accuracy, we are almost inclined to desire
for ourselves and our children the entire surrender
AVOID SELF-DECEPTION. .
163
of the principle that at first we so much admired, if
it can be gained only at such a sacrifice. Is it not
the truth here as in similar cases that the extreme
of a virtue becomes a fault? We should aim at ac-
curacy as far as it is consistent with other and higher
virtues, not scorning it because it is capable of abuse,
but regarding it as a means, and a very important
means, to an end--the formation of a habit of doing
thoroughly whatever duties lie in our way; using
it as a means to enable us to avoid self-deception-
for it is to be feared that we often deceive ourselves
as to the real state of our feelings, when a close ex-
amination would disclose a very different character
from that which we desire and imagine that we pos-
sess-enabling us to win the confidence of our friends
and our children in little matters as well as in great;
in short, using it as a help to the establishment of a
truthful character. This we should be able to ac-
complish without making our exactness a hobby, and
riding it and ourselves to death.
“Now I can imagine you saying, 'We have leard
about thoroughness, about imagination, about lazi-
ness, and many other faults and good qualities, but
wly call all these accuracy? Because I think it, or its
opposite, lies at the root of all the qualities that have
been mentioned; that it is like the chameleon, show-
ing a different color under different circumstances,
but always the same in its nature.
This, then, is the end-or, rather, the beginning-
for principles are but the beginning, and the appli-
cation to daily life is the more troublesome end.”
164
ACCURACY : THE APPLICATION,
XXIII.
6
ACCURACY: THE APPLICATION.
The club met at Mrs. Emory's on the 1st of
March, 1882, to listen to a paper prepared by Mrs.
Brattle, on the practical aspect of the subject treated
by Mrs. Washington. As soon as we were in our
places in the pleasant parlor, she began :
" When I chose for the subject of my essay
AC-
curacy,' which includes thorougliness, honesty, truth
(Worcester's definition of accuracy is 'conformed to
truth'), I knew that I was guilty of a repetition, and
that I should only say poorly what had already been
well said by one of our members two years ago; but,
apart from the fact that there are very few, if any,
subjects pertaining to the bringing up of children
which we have not touched, this is one that forces
itself upon my notice every day, I might almost say,
at well-nigh every moment of the day.
“I am sure you all feel with me the great want
of thoroughness in the work-people about us. In
finishing and furnishing a room last autumn, we em-
ployed eight different kinds of workmen. Without
exception they had to be sent for to do their work
over. Are there any among us whose domestics do
anything they have to do as thoroughly and well as
it can be done? Their inefficiency comes not from
any want of will to do right, but from want of the
נגן
BAD WORK IS A LIE.
165
knowledge that accuracy in every detail is necessary
to the accomplishment of any thorough work. Per
haps I should include in the causes the spirit of un-
rest and hurry that possesses us all. Chaucer was
wise in saying,
w. There nys na werkman, what so evere he be,
That may bothe worke wel and hastily;
This wol be doon at leyser parfitle.'
“If we go beyond personal matters, what do we
find? Work done without skill, without industry,
without conscience. Because of this, tunnels fall in,
drawbridges give way, and buildings tumble down;
chimneys are badly built, and houses burn; drains
are left untrapped, and disease spreads abroad; a
brakeman, whose duty it is to walk a quarter of a
mile and warn an oncoming train, thinks it will do
as well to go only half the distance, and the result is
agony and death.
“Judged by Worcester's definition, all bad work
is a lie. You pay for having work done well, and
it is done badly and dishonestly, and, however var-
nished over with a fair show of sufficiency, the sin is
still there.
“So long as these things continue, it is vain to talk
of the 'dignity of labor.' There can be no dignity
of labor where there is no truthfulness of work. In
reading a report of the Working Women's Home,'
in Boston (a copy of which was sent to me by a
friend), I noticed that the matron says that there is
no difficulty in getting employment for those women
who really know how to do what they profess to
know; it is those who have had no thorough train-
166
ACCURACY: THE APPLICATION.
ing, and who feel no need for it, who are always
coming back upon the hands of their benefactors.
If it could only be fully understood that it is just
as useful and excellent for a workman to resolve on
perfection in his own line, however humble, as it is
for a statesman to determine to be the best states-
man possible, a basis for improvement would be
insured. A carpenter of this determination would,
said Socrates, win the wreath of carpentering,
though it were only shavings.' We know that the
weakest living creature by concentrating his powers
on a single object can accomplish something, where-
as the strongest, by dispersing his over many, may
fail to accomplish anything.
“If, then, accuracy in every detail is so nearly
essential to the accomplishment of any good work,
from the lowest grade to the highest, is it not equal-
ly essential to the formation of a fine character?
Truth alone may not constitute a man great, but it
is the most important element of an elevated char-
acter; and accuracy, as we have already heard, means
conformed to truth. We all agree in denouncing
lying, but how many insist upon our children prac-
tising absolute veracity ? Ruskin says that 'lying is
the most conventional of vices; it is supposed to be
so necessary to the carrying on of human affairs that
it is tacitly agreed to: one lie may be considered
harmless, another slight, another unintended;' but,
he adds, whether slight or accidental, they are an
ugly smoke from the pit, and it is better that our
hearts should be swept clean of them without our
care as to which is largest or blackest.' 'Let him
that would live well,' said Plato, "attain to truth,
A BUSINESS WOMAN.
167
and then, and not before, will he cease from sor-
row.'
“Honesty is the plainest and humblest manifesta-
tion of the principle of truth. If we apply it to our
test of accuracy, what do we find? Full measures?
just weights? true samples ? full service ? strict ful-
filment of engagements ? I am afraid not, but just
the reverse.
“Miss Cobbe is specially severe upon women for
their want of honesty in keeping engagements, and
I read, several weeks ago, an interesting account of
an English woman whose testimony on the same sub-
ject is, I am sorry to say, not in our favor. She was
left an orphan and almost penniless at the age of
sixteen. Her father had been a travelling salesman,
carrying samples of carriage and harness hardware
about the country, and after his death she took the
goods he left and, not knowing what else to do, fol-
lowed the well-known route. She was promptly on
time, and carefully attended to all orders, sending
goods of the exact quality the samples promised,
until, by-and-by, her capacity and her word became
undoubted. As year's passed she wearied of the road,
and then opened an office-in New York, I think
it was-which grew until she occupied two large ad-
joining warehouses, each four stories in height, where
every article known to carriage, harness and saddlery
wares and supplies were to be found. She did what
she could for women, but frankly confessed that they
were, in her experience, untrustworthy as a body, in
the quality of their work, in the keeping of their
promises, and in their want of respect for a business
engagement. A few months before she died she gave
168
ACCURACY : THE APPLICATION.
the following important testimony: Women,' she
said, 'appear to be proud of forgetting an engage-
ment. You may tell them daily for years that time
is money, and you may prove it to them, but they
will not arrange their affairs as if they believed what
you have said. Had women always kept faith with
me, and been careful to do their work according to
their best abilities, I should die by-and-by and leave
behind me a name for having disappointed no man.
Women have been my worst, in fact, my only foes.
I made promises and they broke them for me. It is
sadly true that but few of them have even the small-
est business conscience, honest and upright as they
may be in all other relations. It is not the ballot
which they need to make them successful, but integ-
rity in their fingers, honesty in every fibre of their
characters. Pray tell this to them whenever you can.
They have every talent for doing whatever they wish
to do, but they do not discipline it, and they blaine
men for being their business superiors.'
“So much for women. If we look at men, what
are we to say of embezzling cashiers and negligent
bank directors? In spite of their masculine natures
they also seem to be deficient in the business con-
science. In fact, the inaccuracy of bank directors in
the performance of their official duties has probably
caused more wide-spread misery and distress than is
often produced by actual crime. I remember read-
ing, after the failure of the Glasgow Bank, of the
scenes enacted in the streets of Thurles and Tippe-
rary-old men weeping and wailing for the loss of
everything, widows kneeling on the ground and ask-
ing God if it could be true that they were beggared
OUR FIFTY CHILDREN.
169
forever; of one family of five sisters—the youngest
sixty years of age-left utterly penniless. Writing
of these days, Dr. Smith says: 'I shall never forget
the time when I first saw these ladies, nine days after
the bank broke. During that time no meal had been
cooked in their house, their clothes bad not been taken
froin their backs, and they had not lain in their beds,
so bewildered and dazed were they, vaguely hoping
that a merciful God would come and take them away
from the evil that was to follow.'
“ The subject that I have thus introduced for
your thoughtful consideration is, 'How can we train
our children to such habits of thoroughness and ac-
curacy that they will grow up to be not only a satis-
faction to themselves and their parents, but efficient
factors in the great work of making the world bet-
ter?
“ Locke says that the right time to educate the will
extends neither to the whole nor to any considerable
length of our continuance on earth, but is limited to
a few years of our term. Perhaps we and the grown-
up people about us have passed that limit, and are
doomed to go on as we have begun; but surely we
can lay the foundation for better things for the next
generation. There are fifty children belonging to
the members of the Mothers' Club; let us suppose
them so trained that habits of accuracy and truthful-
ness in word and deed have become a second nature
to them. Think what an influence, unconscious
though it be, they would exert upon the commu-
nity in which their lots may be cast. I know it
may seem like a Utopian dream that fifty children
should grow up perfect even in one virtue, but we
170
ACCURACY : THE APPLICATION.
must not let that hinder us from laboring with heart-
iness, trusting that some of the good seed we throw
into the ground will take root and spring up deeds
of well-doing
“What man begins for himself God finishes for
others; indeed, we can finish nothing. Others be-
gin where we leave off, and carry on our work to a
stage nearer perfection. We should consider it our
duty to bequeath to those who come after us a noble
design, worthy of their imitation. And what can
be more worthy than an ambition to make the world
better through our children and our children's chil-
dren? There will be less sin and suffering in the
world when there is a higher standard of honesty.
Let us train our children up to such a standard ;
then we can leave
m. Others to sing the song,
Others to right the wrong-
Finish what we begin,
And all we fail of-win!'”
As the reader stopped, we said to ourselves, “ How
can we possibly impress properly upon others that
which we feel is so difficult to practise ourselves ?"
“In trying to teach accuracy to my children,” said
Mrs. Lynch, "I find that they overrate its impor-
tance, and make themselves obnoxious to others in
their conversation and observations, by correcting
their elders, perhaps, when they may be indulging
in pleasantries, and correcting themselves in a phar-
asaical sort of way which is painful in those so
young."
"The whole secret of governing children," con-
tinued Mrs. Hargrove, “seems to resolve itself into
KEEPING PROMISES.
171
this: parents, be perfect, and your children will fol-
low your example."
Here the president put our united thoughts into
words by saying, “There is absolutely nothing to
say about this essay or the one given us before on
the same theme. The truth in them is so apparent,
and our own deficiencies so well known to ourselves,
that we are silenced. Much tact is necessary on the
part of the parent to make the child truthful. If
approached in a threatening manner, or accused
angrily of an offence, fear will cause an untruth
to be spoken or acted by a child who is naturally
honest."
“Keeping our promises to our children will do
much," said Mrs. Wythe, "to teach them in what
esteem we hold this virtue, and we should not force
them, or allow them to promise too readily any fa-
vor to us."
172 FORMATION OF THE CHILD'S CHARACTER.
XXIV.
THE FORMATION OF THE CHILD'S CHARACTER.
The club met one February afternoon at my
house to hear a paper from Mrs. Hargrove on
the subject of parental influence in the formation
of a child's character; one that could not fail to
enlist the sympathies of every member of the circle.
Mrs. Hargrove modestly entitled her paper, “A few
Hints as to Forming a Child's Character.” “Just
as the twig is bent the tree's inclined,” she began.
“The gardener bends and trains the little twig as
he wishes the tree to grow, and so the parents, dur-
ing the first ten or twelve years of a child's life, do
much towards permanently fixing its characteristic
traits. During the first years the little child learns
so easily and takes impressions so quickly that its
mind is sometimes said to be like plastic clay. . We
hardly realize what the child is learning until we are
surprised to see it copying our act of yesterday, or
repeating some expression of its nurse. Passing
strange we think it that it is not the noblest in
our lives that is first copied; they are not the best
words of the nurse that are selected for repetition.
“Because our children copy us so closely, and do
not select our best traits for imitation, how great the
probability that they will grow up to be good coun-
terfeits of ourselves in our worst moods, the perpet-
LIKE MOTHER, LIKE CHILD.
173
uation of our ill-nature, perhaps, or of our indolence!
How great the probability that they will transmit to
another generation the influence of the sayings and
doings of some unguarded moment that we fondly
deemed but transitory and exceptional phases of our
character !
"It is the mother and not the father who is most
likely to fix the child's character for good or evil.
Not only is the exainple of the mother present with
it more constantly, but, so the physiologists tell us,
it is likely to take its mental traits from the father
and its moral qualities from the mother. Thus the
father is responsible for the child's power to think
and to work, and the mother must give it sweetness,
purity, and all the other virtues. Thus the mother
is forced to reflect that, as her life is good or bad, so,
to a great extent, will that of her boy or her girl be;
and well may she tremble in view of the responsi-
bility that is involved in the thought. How will a
reflection upon the subject not stimulate the mother
to teach truth and honesty and the control of the
passions, not by precept alone, for that is compara-
tively weak, but by precept illustrated by example!
" Above all things, the parent should never give
way to temper in dealing with the child; never
should he take the little ones up roughly, nor talk
in louder tones than is necessary when reprimanding
them; though, whatever else we are, or are not, we
should be firin with our children. In reading, the
other day, I came across these words: 'What chance,
either by inheritance or upbringing, have the chil-
dren of a foolish, feeble mother, who, however sweet
she may be, has no notion of firmness, which is as
174 FORMATION OF THE CHILD'S CHARACTER.
necessary as tenderness, and of the wise authority
which results from truest love?'
“When a child asks anything hurtful of its mother
and she tells it'No,' she should keep to her decision,
and not allow any amount of teasing to swerve her.
Once let her yield to teasing, and her government is
gone. The next time the child is refused it remem-
bers past experience, that continuing its demand will
lead to a reversal of the decision, and it teases until
that end is reached. Thus the mother loses time
and comfort, and the child has a bad habit fixed upon
it. When, on the other hand, the child knows that
its mother's 'No? means no, many useless words are
saved, and the habit of truthfulness is strengthened,
which is of far greater importance.
“I am one of the old-fashioned believers in the
(nagging system; or, as Mrs. Follen better puts it,
in scriptural language, 'line iipon line, precept upon
precept. I believe in telling a child not to do a cer-
tain act fifty times if necessary. Still, children soon
learn whom they must obey. For instance, when my
nurse, who has had the care of my baby since it was
two or three weeks old, tries to give hiin his nap, he
cries and frets; but when I take him and tell him to
put his head down and go to sleep, he immediately
becomes quiet, and in a few moments is in a sound
sleep. We are equally gentle, but in one he recog-
nizes the will power and the right to command him
that he does not see in the other.
“Thongh I believe in exacting obedience, and in
the system that I have, perhaps, wrongly called “nag-
ging,' I fully believe in making the child happy.
Are young people not, indeed, more happy in obey-
OCCUPATION NECESSARY. .
175
0
ing promptly than they would be if they were per-
mitted to break maternal rules with impunity! Such
infractions should not be indefinitely allowed; and
when at last many small faults had grown to the
dimensions of one large one, it would be impossible
to correct it without much severity, and the strain
upon mother and child would be proportionally
great.
“Occupation is a great help in training a child.
From the time it is two or three years old until it is
sent to a school or a Kindergarten it is much happier
if given something useful to do than if allowed to
be idle, or if engaged simply with playthings, which
it soon learns to know are merely toys, and subserve
no useful end except amuseinent. Before its mind
can properly be put upon the alphabet, a little worsted
work, or drawing, or pricking patterns in paper may
do good. Praise judiciously bestowed will encourage
the child to try to do its best, and will tend to make
the liome bright, so that in after - years it will be
looked back to as a centre of sweetness and light.
This tendency will be encouraged if the mother in-
terest herself in the doings of the little folk. Let
her be their companion. Let there be music and
entertainments in the family circle, so that they will
not wish themselves at the house of some of their
playmates whom they may consider more favored
than they. It is natural that the mother should sym-
pathize in all the little.joys and sorrows of the child,
and thus win the love and confidence that are so
necessary if she would insure their never having any
secrets from her.
“If children are to be kept happy, they must not
176
FORMATION OF THE CHILD'S CHARACTER.
be permitted to study too hard at school. I have
no compassion for idleness, but children have more
need for rest than men or women, inasmuch as their
vitality is largely expended in building up their
bodies; and there seem to be more and more things
to be learned as time grows older. The competitive
examinations of the present day, united to the desire
of the ambitious child to keep up with its classes,
sometimes lead to exertions that overtax the mind,
weaken the body, and make it nervous and irrita-
ble. Mr. Huxley says that children who are pushed
on too fast in their studies are conceited all the
forenoon of life and stupid all the afternoon.'
“After the instructive papers that have been heard
in the club, I am sure that no one will deny that
truth and honesty must be at the bottom of the
child's character, and that they must be engrafted in
very early life. It is sometimes not an easy task to
know how to begin to teach truth, and a process that
succeeds with one may fail with another, even in the
same family. Example will ever be the greatest
teacher; and I think, though I know that some of
you will not agree with me, that, after the age of
four or five, children should be punished for infrac-
tions of truth.
"It is surprising to notice how apt people who
call themselves truthful are to exaggerate. If this
habit be not guarded, it quickly runs into that of
untruthfulness. If it attack the child, the mother
can never be sure of the true facts in any narrative
that the child gives. Some one has said, 'Truth is
to life what perfume is to a flower. Nurses, who
may be called undergardeners in our Kindergartens,
NURSES LIKE UMBRELLAS.
177
often have a tendency to rob our buds of this most
exquisite perfume. So much of the child's early
years is spent in the society of the uneducated hire-
ling that it is not strange that the character is affect-
ed; and yet, what can be done? Nurses seem to be
like umbrellas, necessary evils. The mother can sel-
dom add to her thousand and one other labors the
entire care of her children without being tired out
and thrown on a bed of illness. I speak from
present experience.
“Nurses soinetimes teach the child habits of un-
truthfulness by telling him that, should he go to a
certain place that they wish avoided, some evil will
happen; and when the child summons up sufficient
courage to disobey, and finds that no danger lurks
about the inhibited place, it is taught that the word
of at least one person is not to be implicitly depend-
ed upon. Threats accomplish the same undesirable
end.
“Mothers nowadays have so many outside engage-
ments — who said mothers' clubs ?-— that they are
taken from home a great deal, and our children
have less of their companionship than we had of our
parents'. Thus, nurses have an added influence. It
would be well if we let some of these engagements
go by, and gave our children more of our society.
I do not advise the shutting of ourselves up so that
we shall not go out at all, for visiting friends bright-
ens us up and adds to our interests in life. Perhaps
if we should determine to be at home in the morn-
ings, we should find the proportion rightly regu-
lated.
" Whenever a difference arises between the ac-
12
178 FORMATION OF THE CHILD'S CHARACTER.
counts of any trouble in the absence of the mother,
should not the stateinent of the child be taken instead
of that of the nurse? I think it should, though once
I thought otherwise. Once I came home to find just
such a trouble, and I believed the nurse and pun-
ished the child. A few days later I found that the
child had been right, and ever since that day I take
the story of the child when it differs from that of
the nurse. I speak of children over five years of
age.
“The little ones are given to us to train, and shall
we not be accountable for their after-lives? If we
are to be responsible, we cannot leave the work to
ignorant women. We have been well taught that,
as we build up these characters, truth and honesty
must first be established; but perhaps I feel stronger
upon this subject than those of you do whose chil-
dren are girls. Boys are to go out from the home
and make their own way in the world, and if they
are truthful and honest, we can well espect them to
grow up upright and pure in word and deed.
“ Thieving, even in the most petty form, must be
discouraged. By permitting a child to pilfer lumps
of sugar from the bowl in the dining-room, or to
steal a fellow - pupil's luncheon at school, strange
views of honesty are sometimes inculcated. When
I was a very small girl I bouglit some candy at a
store, and while it was being wrapped up I picked
up another piece and ate it. A lady who was withi
me fortunately saw that act, and said, 'If you wish
more candy I will buy it, but do not steal it. My
mortification was so great that the lesson was never
forgotten.
FOOD AND CHARACTER.
179
“Will you think my statement too far-fetched if
I say, before giving my last suggestion, that food
has an influence upon the character of the child ? I
think there is no danger that the children of the
mothers before me will suffer from insufficiency
of food, but perhaps some may have that which is
too rich or too stimulating. They may lave tea or
coffee at too early an age, and in consequence their
stomachs may be injured, and they made dyspeptics
for life. Dyspepsia, if not cared for, affects one so
seriously that many are made permanently cross and
disagreeable, others morbid and depressed. Young
children need, as we all know, a plenty of good,
healthy food. A physician, writing on the influence
of food, says, 'Hot-headed boys can be more effectu-
ally cured with cow's milk than with a cow's hide;
a statement that is more epigrammatic than elegant,
and has, you may think, little bearing upon a con-
munity where the use of the cowhide on children's
backs is not known, but it contains the germ of a
suggestion that will do us good to reflect upon.
“There is another element that must be added to
truth and honesty, and the other virtues upon which
we have dwelt, if we would have a well rounded and
properly filled out character - one insured to last
through life. I refer to a subject that we have never
discussed in the club, but it is something which is
as needful in building up a character as mortar is to
keep the bricks of a wall from falling into irretriev-
able ruin. Why have we never taken up the sub-
ject of religion in connection with the training of
our children? We have discussed the books that
they should read, the clothes that they should wear,
180 FORMATION OF THE CHILD'S CHARACTER.
their schools, their amusements, in fact, almost every-
thing which pertains to their childhood but this. Is
the matter not much thought of, or do we think it too
sacred a theme for discussion? Probably the reason
may be found in the fact that we do not disagree
upon that point, and take for granted that we all in-
tend to do onr duty to our children in regard to it.
“I must be perınitted to say, however, one word
on the subject. By religion I do not mean, of course,
the creed or form of worship adopted by any one
communion, but rather that line of action described
by St. James, when he said, 'Pure religion and un-
defiled before our God and Father is this, to visit
the fatherless and widows in their afiliction, and to
keep himself unspotted from the world. Let us
teach our children to live so that their characters
may not be spotted by contact with the world; teach
them to have charity for each other's failings, and
to see, if possible, the good in their little companions.
I have often thought of some words attributed to the
Rev. Phillips Brooks, of Boston, 'Some people say
that it is not right to give children any positive re-
ligious training, that you must not put into their
minds what you hold to be the truth, but leave them
to gather by-and-by convictions for themselves-con-
victions which should come to them only when they
are actually convinced. We teach our children what
we consider best for them to eat and drink and wear,
sometimes omitting the most important thing-re-
ligion. You should teach a child what you consider
religious truth, in order that when he is older he
may search for himself, and receive conviction of
what is true.
>
MORE OF THE BIBLE.
181
66
'If, when your boy begins to swear, or uses a bad
word, you sit down and talk with him, instead of
punishing his body, and tell him that such things are
forbidden by a higher and better authority than that
of an earthly parent, he will probably not trouble you
again, no matter how much he may be exposed to
bad language. I am opposed to the practice of per-
mitting our children to play with the best children
only. Not that I would thrust my own into the soci-
ety of rough and wicked boys; but, if they fall in on
the playground with those that are poor, or roughly
clad, I should freely allow them to continue to play
with them. Some of you will not agree with me,
for I have heard of inothers who refused to allow
their children to go to Sunday-school on account of
their being there brought into contact with poor
children and those not in the set that they belonged
to. I believe myself that religious instruction is
better given at home; but I would have children go
to Sunday-school, if only for the sake of the example
upon the poor little waifs who can get it in no other
way, and can nowhere else encounter elevating in-
fluences-among which I include the better class of
children.
“Would it not be better, think you, if our schools
were a little more positively religious—if there were
more of the Bible in them? I do not know how it
is in the public schools, but in some of the private
institutions, in different parts of the land, there is
little Bible reading and no prayer. This is a grave
fault, I think. Of course, the children dù not enter
with the greatest spirit into such exercises, but they
catch a word here and there; occasionally tiey get a
182
FORMATION OF THE CHILD'S CHARACTER.
verse which is likely to make an impression upon
them and give help in the faithful performance of
their work.
“In building up a child's character, I advise that
religion furnish the corner - stone, and that every
manly and womanly virtue be worked into the
structure."
At many of the sessions of the club we had avoid-
ed discussing the subject of religion in its bearing
upon the training of the young. We were united
in considering the religious feelings the most im-
portant to be developed, but we differed in denomi-
national affinities and sectarian views, and hesitated
to enter a field of so much importance, that would
involve us in inextricable debate, and might stir up
feelings far from Christian. We knew that we
could not agree together, and we therefore agreed to
differ. This was, however, not a forinal under-
standing
After the reading of Mrs. Hargrove's paper, as by
mutual consent, we forgot all our differences, and
eagerly asked one of another how to awaken and
cultivate in our children the love .of God. Mrs.
Hargrove herself began by saying, “Many of us
were school children together in this same ancient
town of Abingdon, and do we not remember the
impression for good that was made upon us by the
reading of the Bible at the opening of the school
sessions ???
"I have often thought of it," continned Mrs.
Jayne, "and I have supposed that the reason why it
has been given up in some schools is the variety of be-
liefs that are found among parents, and especially the
THE BIBLE IN SCHOOLS.
183
discussions between Catholics and Protestants have
made the teachers feel differently since the good old
days of homogeneity have passed away.”
It was immediately evident that the differences of
opiņion were not all outside of our own limits, and
that our club itself was no more united on this sub-
ject than upon those of less importance, for Mrs.
Berkeley remarked, “Do you not think that the
reading of the Bible is well omitted ? Little chil-
dren are not naturally reverent, and the sacred words
thus uttered will fall on inattentive ears, and thus
the childish irreverence will be deepened and per-
haps made permanent.”
“True, and not true," said Mrs. Follen. “The
school is only the world in miniature. We might
almost as well give up church-services because some
who attend will listen, and others who go do so be-
cause it is respectable, or from force of habit, and
have no reverential feelings. We never can know
at what moment the ear will catch words that will
ring through eternity. I propose that we ask those
teachers who have given up the practice to open
their schools with a short reading from the Bible.”
[The motion of Mrs. Follen met an almost unani-
inous approval, and a committee was appointed,
which, at a subsequent meeting, reported that the
teachers they had seen were pleased with the request,
and most heartily agreed to comply with it.]
" I remember reading in a religious paper lately,"
said I, “a strong plea for the bad boy, which is
forcibly brought to mind by our reader's saying that
she does not discourage her children from associating
with those who are subjected to very different home
184
FORMATION OF THE CHILD'S CHARACTER.
influences. The writer in the paper would have the
bad boys influenced for good by the better ones, and
that seems to be the doctrine of our essayist. I
frankly disagree with both. The good is so hard to
instil into even the best of our children that I am
jealous of every influence that might work against
it. I am not prepared to send my children out as
missionaries at the tender age when they have but
just escaped the nursery.'
“This leads me to the subject of Sunday-schools,"
remarked Mrs. Washington. “If I could choose the
teacher from among my intimate friends, could feel
that I had some knowledge of the inner working
of her thoughts, it would give me great pleasure to
send my child to the class that she should teach in
the deep and everlastingly important truths of the
Bible revelation. Sunday-school work is, so much of
it, left to the young and inexperienced, that I prefer
to teach my children myself.”
- There is much truth in the words just uttered by
Mrs. Washington,” said Mrs. Cowan. “I once heard
a Presbyterian minister, whose parish was in a large
city, say that he was compelled to keep his children
out of his own Sunday-school on account of the bad
children with which they associated there."
“I think that such a minister should have felt that
perhaps it was in his power to improve his school,"
said Mrs. Way. 'It seems to me that a school of
which such a statement could truly be made ought
either to be improved or abolished.”
“Doubtless the Sunday-school does good,” said
Mrs. Lee, “and its abuse is hardly an argument
against its abolition, but for its improvement. Have
*
INHERITED TRAITS.
185
we each the consciousness of having done all that
we can in this direction? If our consciences are not
clear, let us see to it that an effort towards the ful-
filment of an undone duty be attempted."
“Practical piety,” said Mrs. Sharpe, “is learned
by observing parents; and as father and mother are
standards in everything else, so they furnish in their
own religious life the measure of the child's religion.
We cannot see the limit to our responsibility. We
furnish our children their patterns in everything."
“What," asked Mrs. Marshall, “shall we do in re-
gard to traits inherited from past generations-traits
of which we cannot trace the origin? These greatly
increase our difficulties; already, alas ! too vast for
iny strength."
“ You have uncovered the source of our greatest
trials," said Mrs. Follen. “Our own faults repro-
duced, or our husbands' (if they have any), are com-
paratively easy to control; but these qualities of
unknown origin that show themselves to be from
an ancient source (Mrs. Hollins suggested “from
Adam'), give is oftentimes more trouble than any-
thing else."
" It makes one tremble to look into such matters,"
said Mrs. Berkeley, “and I dare not do it often. I
believe that with faith, patience, and prayer the
greatest faults can be corrected, be their origin what
it máy.”
>>
>>
We all turned our faces homeward that day more
thoughtful than usual, and I believe that, if ques-
tioned, each one of us would say that she approached
her children with more reverence than ever.
186
FORMATION OF THE CHILD'S CHARACTER.
It was not long before the impressions of this
meeting were deepened by a paper prepared by Mrs.
Montagu on a kindred topic. It was entitled, “Shall
the Child grow away from the Parent ?"
“ I have sometimes asked myself,” Mrs. Montagu
began, 6 what are we mothers to be to our children
by-and-by? We are, or ought to be, everything to
them now; but the question is, Will our work cease
when their childhood is over? Will they leave us
behind when their minds develop and their views of
life enlarge? Will they feel then that we cannot
understand then? In other words, will they out-
grow us?
This subject has been impressed upon my mind
recently by reading an article on the tendency of
children in these days to grow away from their par-
ents-to think them old-fashioned, narrow-minded,
unsympathizing. If it be true that they do thus
grow away from those who are their natural guardi-
ans, then, of course, they must be able to find others
to whom they can look for sympathy and counsel;
but is this really to be the end of all our labors and
patience? Are we to be cast off by-and-by as use-
less, so far as the higher life of our children is con-
cerned?
“I cannot believe that this ought to be the result
-that it need be, even with those of us who feel
most deeply our own mental and moral imperfec-
tions; for, if we lay the right foundation, can we not
be as helpful to our children in their maturer years
as we are necessary to them in childhood? We hope
and trust, indeed, that they will reach higher planes
mentally and spiritually than we have been able to;
THE BINDING CORD BROKEN.
187
but can they ever reach such altitudes as to be be-
yond our loving sympathy and counsel ?
“It was the seer Coleridge who wrote, with his
usual keen perception of truth,
"A mother is a mother still
The holiest thing in life.'
Even the most abject mother must, he would say,
ever be to her child the woman of women. Yet this
fact does not make it a whit less important that we
should use all our efforts to make ourselves worthy
of the best that a child can give us—its confidence
as its trusted adviser.
“How, then, shall we prepare ourselves to occupy
a position so exalted ? To some of us, perhaps, this
question is not yet a serious and important one, for
it is not forced upon us while our children are very
young, as it is at a later period. Then we wake up
suddenly, as from a dream, and find them form-
ing their opinions of the world around them, and
settling themselves into ways of action without as-
sistance from us. Perhaps we feel that the cord
which bound them to us has been broken, and that
it remains for them to drift farther and farther
from us.
“We feel our helplessness, at least, and the thought
thrusts itself upon us that, while we have been car-
ing for their bodies and minds, we may have neg-
lected the far greater need of their souls. It seems
to me that we cannot begin too early to establish
confidence and sympathy between ourselves and our
children. Are we not apt to feel, when we have
attended to their daily recurring wants—have seen
188 FORMATION OF THE CHILD'S CHARACTER.
:
them properly fed and well clothed, and have done
ererything that we think necessary for a sound phys-
ical and mental development--that our duty is done ?
Perhaps we have added to this a watchful care of
their morals and manners, have endeavored to check
all evil tendencies and habits, and to make their
outward deportment correct.
“Is this our whole duty ? Have we not over-
looked the very important needs of their souls, their
higher being? They crave sympathy, long for some
one in whom they may confide; and do we not some-
times fail to respond to these outgoings of their hearts,
and thereby discourage them from coming to us with
the pleasures and troubles of everyday life? If we
do, it is not strange that they seek others to whom
they can sometimes open their hearts; and who can
assure us that they will not throw themselves into
the toils of those who may prove wholly unable and
unfit to offer them that which it is our privilege to
give-persons whose pernicious influence will be felt
throughout their lives?
“Children have many questions to ask about this
world into which they have been brought, and about
their own being, which can be judiciously answered
by their mothers only; and, if we encourage them to
come to us with these, we may save them from many
wrong habits of thought and of life. Do we suffi-
ciently realize the temptations and perplexities which
surround their young lives? If we do, can we ever
think the time wasted that we take from our engross-
ing occupations to listen to all that they have to tell
us? Do they not have far greater strength in resist-
ing temptation when they are perfectly sure of our
.
A.SYMPATHETIC RELATION.
189
constant, loving sympathy? I have heard more than
one young girl say, 'I could never speak of such and
such things to my mother:' Could this ever have
been said if the mother had begun aright? Who
else, in the wide world, has so strong a claim upon
the child's confidence at first? Who is so well fitted
to give counsel and sympathy?
"Let us now consider what are the best methods
of securing this confidence and establishing this sym-
pathy. Tact seems to me to lie at the foundation
of all efforts to this end. The word conveys the
idea of gentle, skilful touch, of knowing how to
handle delicate materials in the most judicious man-
ner. Perhaps some of us may think she has no
tact; but may it not be cultivated? We cannot
casily learn to read with our fingers while we have
eyes to see; but, when light is taken from our
natural organs of sight, how quickly does neces-
sity enable us to conquer the difficulties of the
strange and marvellous page that to be read must
be touched.
“I think that if we feel the importance of a sym-
pathetic relation with our children, of having a good
understanding with them, more perfect than any oth-
er man or woman can ever establish, we shall surely
find many ways in which it can be cultivated. Some
children offer more difficulties in this attempt than
others; but this only gives greater scope for the
exercise of tact.
“In my own experience, I have found the chil-
dren's hour,' just before bedtime, the most favorable
for quiet confidences. It is the time of which Long-
fellow sings:
190 FORMATION OF THE CHILD'S CHARACTER.
"Between the dark and the daylight,
When the night is beginning to lower,
Comes a pause in the day's occupations
That is known as the Children's Hour.'
Children are always ready to give their hearts to
their mothers; and though this hour is the one when
we are most weary, and impatient for the quiet
that will be ours when they are all in the arms of
Morpheus, I am sure we can never regret the mo-
ments that we give up for this holy purpose, for it
may be that the lessons then taught will linger lon-
gest in the memory and be most helpful in years to
come.
“If we may be companions as well as guides and
teachers to our children --- entering into all their
secret lives, and making them feel that we share all
their joys and sorrows (little as some of them may
appear to us), why should we not establish the de-
lightful relation now, trusting that we may be able
to continue it as we all grow older? If we cultivate
wisely our own minds and hearts, and foster a teach-
able disposition in ourselves, will our children ever
have reason to complain that we have not kept pace
with them—that they have looked to us in vain for
sympathy and encouragement? Happy that mother
whose efforts in this direction can inspire her son to
sing to her, in the words of the poet, Henry Kirke
White,
"And canst thou, mother, for a moment think
That we, thy children, when old age shall shed
Its blanching honors on thy weary head,
Could from our best of duties ever shrink?
MOTHERS AND DAUGHTERS.
191
Sooner the sun from its high sphere should sink
Than we, ungrateful, leave thee in that day
To pine in solitude thy life away,
Or shun thee, tottering on the grave's cold brink.
Banish the thought-where'er our steps may roam,
O’er smiling plains, or wastes without a tree,
Still will fond memory point our hearts to thee,
And paint the pleasures of thy peaceful home;
While duty bids us all thy griefs assuage,
And smooth the pillow of thy sinking age.'
“My greatest anxiety lies just here," said Mrs.
Berkeley, “for I believe it is as rare as it is beau-
tiful for mother and daughter to be confidential
friends. Perhaps this intimacy exists more frequent-
ly between mothers and sons, but I think it is more
necessary between mothers and daughters. A young
woman is more apt to be morbid, and as she has less
out-of-door life than her brother, she needs more
sympathy and strength within."
“In my mind," continued Mrs. Bristol, “thie de-
sirableness of sympathy between mothers and sons
is one of the strongest arguments in favor of the
' higher education of women,' as it is called. If the
woman be less highly educated than her son, how
can she sympathize with him in his occupations, as
she easily can and does in his amusements ?"
“To my understanding," added Mrs. Lee, “sym-
pathy exists in spirit and not in mind. It is finer
than anything mental. This is the reason why one
who is blessed with only a meagre education is able
to minister comfort to the most highly cultivated."
“Very true," continued Mrs. Francis. “To some
nature has given the great power of divining the
feelings of others, but the ability can be cultivated
>
192
FORMATION OF THE CHILD'S CHARACTER.
3
"
by making an effort to put ourselves in the place of
our friend.”
“It is the want of this power," said Mrs. Brattle,
“it is selfisliness which stands in the way of mutual
sympathy more than anything else. We live so hur-
riedly, give so much of the care and entertainment
of our children to nurses and teachers that, when
they have reached years of naturity, we suddenly
awake to the consciousness that the habit of con-
fidence not having been acquired in babyhood, it
cannot be easily cultivated in later life.”
Suppose," I asked, "we have neglected the op-
portunities just mentioned, how can we remedy the
error ?"
“I should think,” Mrs. Montagu replied, that
there could be no better way than to give our own
confidence freely, asking no return, but seeming to
depend upon the son or daughter for sympathy in
the daily cares and vexations of our own lives."
“A wise gentleman in our town has said," I con-
tinued," that he wishes his children never to go to
bed unhappy. His effort is always to send them off
in a contented frame of mind; a fact which, in the
telling, reminds me of my own daughter, who once
said, just after retiring, “Mamma, not even God knows
how much I love you! Think how easy it was, af-
ter such an experience, to draw the clinging little
heart into close accord with my own!”
“There are traits in our children," said Mrs. Wash-
ington," which we do not recognize, which often puz-
zle is; and more than once it has been my fortune
to hear a mother say, 'My children never see things
as I see thein-We never think alike. This may be
OUR OWN MOTHERS.
193
true, but a wise parent will have tact that will enable
her to ignore points of difference, and to make much
of those on which they are at one."
"Let us constantly look back,” remarked Mrs.
Follen, as the ladies began to show that they were
about ready to go home, "to our past experience.
Let us remember what our mothers were to us; let
us call to mind their mistakes, and let the longing
that we still have for their love and sympathy in
bcaring the burden of our daily responsibilities add
a zest to our dealings with our own children, who
are doubtless longing in their hearts for a perfect
understanding with us, and for the repose which
true mother-love and sympathy can give to the char-
acter of the young. When we get out of ourselves,
and place ourselves in the position of our children,
we shall be able to enter into their feelings, and
perhaps learn how to give them what they need.
Then will a mother's love indeed swallow up and
destroy all that would otherwise put a distance be-
tween her and her child."
Here I drop the thread of this discourse. The
Mothers' Club of Abingdon is still active. Never
did the members come together with so much warmth
and interest in their united life as they showed at
the beginning of the present year. They do not
feel that they have attained that after which they
have been seeking these pleasant years, and they
hold firmly to their onward course, trusting that
with new discussions and new experiences brighter
light will be thrown across the path of their fainily
life. They feel that their homes and their children
9
13
194
FORMATION OF THE CHILD'S CHARACTER.
are dearer to them for their interchange of thought
regarding them. If a simple record of what they
have thought and said and done should lead others
upward, or give light to any perplexed mother, the
result of the editor will have been accomplished.
HERE ENDETH THE PRESENT RECORD
or
THE MOTHERS CLUB OF ABINGDON.
INTERESTING BOOKS FOR CHILDREN .
Ву
THE BOY TRAVELLERS IN THE FAR EAST.
THOMAS W. KNOX. Five Parts. Copiously Illustrated. 8vo,
Cloth, $3 00 each.
PART I. ADVENTURES or Two YoUTIS IN A JOURNEY TO JAPAN AND
CHINA,
PART II. ADVENTURES OF Two YOUTUS IN A JOURNEY TO SIAM AND
Java.
PART III. ADVENTURES OF Tyo YOUTIS IN A JOURNEY TO CEYLON
AND INDIA.
PART IV. ADVENTURES or Two YOUTIIS IN A JOURNEY TO EGYPT
AND PALESTINE.
PART V. ADVENTURIS or Two YOUTUS IN A JOURNEY THROUGUI
Arriga.
HUNTING ADVENTURES ON LAND AND SEA. By
THOMAS W. Knox, Two Parts. Copiously Illustrated. 8vo,
Cloth, $2 50 each.
PART I. Tur YOUNG NIRODS IN Nortu AMERIO...
PART II. TUL YOUNG NIMRODS AROUND TIIE WORLD.
THE HISTORY OF A MOUNTAIN. By ÉLISÉE RECLUS.
Illustrated by L. Bennett. 12mo, Cloth, $1 25.
WHAT MR. DARWIN SAW IN HIS VOYAGE ROUND
THE WORLD IN THE SHIP “BEAGLE." Illustrated.
8vo, Cloth, $300.
FRIENDS WORTH KNOWING. Glimpses of American
Natural History. By ERNEST INGERSOLL. Illustrated.
16mo, Cloth, $100.
WHO WAS PAUL GRAYSON? By JOHN HABBERTON,
Author of “Helen's Babies, ” Illustrated. 16mo, Cloth,
$1 00.
MILDRED'S BARGAIN, AND OTHER STORIES. By
LUCY C. LILLIE. Illustrated. 16mo, Cloth, $1 00.
NAN. By LUCY C. LILLIE. Illustrated. 16mo, Cloth, $1 00.
2
Interesting Books for Children.
THE FOUR MACNICOLS. By W. BLACK.
16mo, Cloth, $1 00.
Illustrated.
NEW GAMES FOR PARLOR AND LAWN. By G. B.
BARTLETT. 16mo, Cloth, $1 00.
TOBY TYLER; OR, TEN WEEKS WITH A CIRCUS.
By JAMES OTIS. Illustrated. 16mo, Cloth, $1 00.
MR. STUBBS'S BROTHER. A Sequel to “Toby Tyler."
By JAMES OTIS. Illustrated. 16mo, Cloth, $1 00.
TIM AND TIP; OR, THE ADVENTURES OF A BOY
AND A DOG. By JAMES OTIS. Illustrated. 16mo, Cloth,
$1 00.
RAISING THE “PEARL." By JAMES OTIS. 16mo, Cloth,
$1 00.
BY CHARLES CARLETON COFTIN. Four Volumes. Il-
lustrated. Svo, Cloth, $3 00 cach.
THE STORY OF LBERTY.-OLD TIMES IN THE COLONICS.
-THE BOYS OF "76.-BUILDING THE NATION.
CAMP LIFE IN THE WOODS; AND THE TRICKS OF
TRAPPING AND TRAP MAKING. By W. HAMILTON
GIBSON, Author of "Pastoral Days.” Illustrated by the Au-
thor. 16mo, Cloth, $1 00.
THE TALKING LEAVES. An Indian Story. By W. 0.
STODDARD. Illustrated. 16mo, Cloth, $1 00.
DIDDIE, DUMPS, AND TOT; OR, PLANTATION CHILD-
LIFE. By LOUISE-CLARKE PYRNELLE. Illustrated. 16mo,
Cloth, $1 00.
THE MORAL PIRATES. By W. L. ALDEN. Illustrated.
16mo, Cloth, $1 00.
THE CRUISE OF THE “GHOST.” By W. L. ALDEN. Il-
lustrated. 16mo, Cloth, $1 00.
THE CRUISE OF THE CANOE CLUB. By W. L. ALDEN.
Illustrated. 16mo, Cloth, $1 00.
HOW TO GET STRONG, AND HOW TO STAY SO. By
WILLIAM BLAIKIE. With Illustrations. 16mo, Cloth, $1 00.
SOUND BODIES FOR OUR BOYS AND GIRLS. By
WILLIAM BLAIKIE. Illustrated. 16mo, Cloth, 40 cents.
Interesting Books for Children.
3
THE HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES NAVY, FOR
BOYS. By BENSON J. LOSSING, LL.D. Illustrated. 12mo,
Cloth, $1 75.
FRENCH HISTORY FOR ENGLISH CHILDREN. By
SARAH BROOK. Revised and Edited by GEORGE CARY EG-
GLESTON. With Illustrations and Maps. 12mo, Cloth, $1 00.
THE ADVENTURES OF A YOUNG NATURALIST. By
LUCIEN BLART. Illustrated. 1200, Cloth, $1 75.
AN INVOLUNTARY VOYAGE. By LUCIEN BIART. Illus-
trated. 12mo, Cloth, $1 25.
THE BOYHOOD OF MARTIN LUTHER.. By HENRY MAY-
HET.
Illustrated. 16mo, Cloth, $1 25.
THE STORY OF THE PEASANT-BOY PHILOSOPHER.
(Founded on the Early Life of Ferguson, the Shepherd-Boy
Astronomer.) By HENRY MAYHEW. 16mo, Cloth, $1 25.
YOUNG BENJAMIN FRANKLIN. By HENRY MAYHEW.
Illustrated. 16mo, Cloth, $1 25.
THE WONDERS OF SCIENCE; or Young Humphry Davy.
By HENRY MAYIIEW. 16mo, Cloth, $1 25.
ROUND THE WORLD; including a Residence in Victoria,
and a Journey by Rail across North America. By a Boy.
Edited by SAMUEL SMILES. Illustrated. 12.0, Cloth, $1 50.
THE SELF-HELP SERIES. By SAMUEL SMILES. 12mo,
Cloth, $1 00 each.
SELF-HELP.-CHARACTER. -THRIFT.-DUTY.
THE BOYHOOD OF GREAT MEN. By JOIN G. EDGAR.
Illustrated. 16mo, Cloth, $100.
THE FOOTPRINTS OF FAMOUS MEN. By JOIN G.
EDGAR. Illustrated. 16mo, Cloth, $1 00.
HISTORY FOR BOYS; or, Annals of the Nations of Modern
Europe. By JOIN G. EDGAR. Illustrated. 16mo, Clotlı,
$1 00.
SEA-KINGS AND NAVAL HEROES. A Book for Boys.
By JOHN G. EDGAR. Illustrated. 16mo, Cloth, $1 00.
THE WARS OF THE ROSES. By JOHN G. EDGAR. Illus
trated. 16mo, Cloth, $1 00.
4
Interesting Books for Children.
POLITICS FOR YOUNG AMERICANS. By CHARLES NORD-
HOFF. 12mo, Half Leather, 75 cents.
GOD AND THE FUTURE LIFE. The Reasonableness of
Christianity. By CHARLES NORDIOFF. 16mo, Cloth, $1 00.
THE BALL OF THE VEGETABLES, and Other Stories in
Prose and Verse. By MARGARET EYTINGE. Illustrated.
8vo, Cloth, $200.
THE THOUSAND AND ONE NIGHTS; or, The Arabian
Nights' Entertainments. Translated and Arranged for Family
Reading, with Explanatory Notes, by E. W. LANE. 600 Illus-
trations. 2 vols., 12mo, Cloth, $3 50.
STORIES OF THE GORILLA COUNTRY. By PAUL B.
DU CHAILLU. Illustrated. 12mo, Cloth, $1 50.
THE COUNTRY OF THE DWARFS. By PAUL B. DU
CHAILLU. Illustrated. 12mo, Cloth, $1 50.
WILD LIFE UNDER THE EQUATOR. BY PAUL B. DU
CHAILLU. Illustrated. 12mo, Cloth, $1 50.
MY APINGI KINGDOM. By PAUL B. DU CHAILLU. Illus-
trated. 12mo, Cloth, $1 50.
LOST IN THE JUNGLE. By PAUL B. DU CHAILLU. Illus-
trated. 12no, Cloth, $1 50.
OUR CHILDREN'S SONGS. Illustrated. Svo, Ornamental
Cover, $1 00.
YOUTH'S HEALTH-BOOK. 32mo, Paper, 25 cents; Cloth,
40 cents.
STORIES OF THE OLD DOMINION. From the Settlement
to the End of the Revolution. By JOHN ESTEN COOKE. Il-
lustrated. 12mo, Cloth, $1 50.
FRED MARKHAM IN RUSSIA ; or, The Boy Travellers in
the Land of the Czar. By W. H. G. KINGSTON. Illustrated.
Small 4to, Cloth, 75 cents.
SELF-MADE MEN. By CHARLES C. B. SEYMOUR. Many
Portraits. 12mo, Cloth, $1 75.
THE LIFE AND SURPRISING ADVENTURES OF ROB-
INSON CRUSOE, of York, Mariner. Illustrated. Complete
Edition. 12mo, Cloth, $100.
Interesting Books for Children.
5
THE SWISS FAMILY ROBINSON. Illustrated. 2 vols.,
18mo, Cloth, $1 50.
THE SWISS FAMILY ROBINSON- Continued : being a
Sequel to the Foregoing. 2 vols., 18mo, Cloth, $1 50.
DOGS AND THEIR DOINGS. By Rev. F. O. MORRIS, B.A.
Illustrated. Square Svo, Cloth, Gilt Sides, $1 75.
TALES FROM THE ODYSSEY FOR BOYS AND GIRLS.
By C. M. B. 32mo, Paper, 25 cents; Cloth, 40 cents.
THE ADVENTURES OF REUBEN DAVIDGER; Seventeen
Years and Tour Months Captive among the Dyaks of Borneo.
By J. GREENWOOD. 8vo, cloth, Illustrated, $1 25; 4to, Paper,
15 cents.
WILD SPORTS OF THE WORLD. A Book of Natural
History and Adventure. By J. GREENWOOD. Illustrated.
Crown, 8vo, Cloth, $2 50.
CAST UP BY THE SEA; or, The Adventures of Ned Grey.
By Sir SAMUEL W. BAKER. 12mo, Cloth, Illustrated, $1 25.
HOMES WITHOUT HANDS : Being a Description of the
Habitations of Animals, classed according to their Principle
of Construction. By the Rev. J. G. WOOD. Illustrated. Svo,
Cloth, $4 50.
THE ILLUSTRATED NATURAL HISTORY. By the Rev.
J. G. Wood. With 450 Engravings.' 12mo, Cloth, $1 05.
CHILDREN'S PICTURE-BOOKS. Square 4to, about 300
pages each, with many Illustrations. Cloth, $1 50 each.
THE CHILDREN'S PICTURE - BOOK OF SAGACITY OF ANI-
MALS.—THE CHILDREN'S BIBLE PICTURE-BOOK.--THE CHIL-
DREN'S PICTURE FABLE-BOOK, THE CHILDREN'S PICTURE-
Book or BIRDS.-- THE CHILDREN'S PICTURE-BOOK OF QUAD-
RUPIEDS AND OTHER MAMMALIA.
THE PRINCESS IDLEWAYS. A Fairy Story. By Mrs.
W. J. Hays. Illustrated. Square 1670, Cloth, 75 cents.
THE CATSKILL FAIRIES. BY VIRGINIA W. JOHNSON.
Illustrated by Alfred Fredericks. Square Svo, Illuminated
Cloth, $3 00.
6
Interesting Books for Children.
PUSS-CAT MEW, and other New Fairy Stories for my Chil-
dren. By E. H. KNATCHBULL-HUGESSEN, M.P. Illustrated.
12mo, Cloth, $1 25.
FAIRY TALES OF ALL NATIONS. By EDOUARD LABOU-
LAYE. Translated by MARY L. BOOTH. Illustrated. 12mo,
Cloth, $200.
HOME FAIRY TALES. By JEAN MACÉ. Translated by
MARY L. BOOTH. Illustrated. 12mo, Cloth, $1 75; Gilt Edges,
$2 25.
FOLKS AND FAIRIES. Stories for Little Children. By
LUCY RANDALL COMFORT. Illustrated. Square 4to, Cloth,
$1 00.
MR. WIND AND MADAM RAIN. By PAUL DE MUSSET.
Translated by EMILY MAKEPEACE. Illustrated. Square 4to,
Cloth, 75 cents.
MISS MULOCK'S FAIRY BOOK. The Best Popular Fairy
Stories selected and rendered anew. By Miss MULOCK. Il-
lustrated. 12mo, Cloth, $1 25.
THE ADVENTURES OF A BROTNIE, as told to my Child.
By Miss MULOCK. Illustrated. Square 16mno, Cloth, 90 cents.
THE LITTLE LAME PRINCE. By Miss MULOCK. Illus-
trated. Square 16mo, Cloth, $1 00.
BOOKS FOR GIRLS. Written or Edited by the Author of
1: John Halifax. Illustrated. 16mo, Cloth, 90 cents each.
1. LITTLE SUNSHINE'S HIOLIDAY. A Picture from Life. By Miss
MULUOK.
2. THE COUSIN TRON INDIA. By GEORGIANA M. CRAIK.
3. TWENTY YEARS AGO. From the Journal of a Girl iu her Teens.
Edited by Miss MULOOK.
4. IS IT TRUE? Tales, Curious and Wonderful, collected by Miss
MULOOK.
5. AN ONLY SISTER. By Madame Dr. WITT.
6. MISS MOORE. By GEORGIANA AI. CRAIK.
PUBLISHED BY HARPER & BROTHERS, NEW YORK.
Deze For a full list of Books for the Young, published by HARPER & BROTIIERS,
see HARPERS' CATALOQUF, which may be had gratuitously on application
to the publishers personally, or by letter enclosing Ten Cents.
EIIARTER & BROTHERS will send any of the above works by mail, postage
prepaid, to arly part of the Uniled Slates, on receipt of the price.
BOOKS BY THE ABBOTTS.
Der HARPER & BROTHERS will send any of the following works by
mail, postage prepaid, to any address, or receipt of the price.
THE FRANCONIA STORIES.
By JACOB ABBOTT. In Ten Volumes. Illustrated. 16mo,
Cloth, 75 cents per Vol.; the set in a box, $7 50.
1. MALLETILLE.
6. STUYFESANT.
2. MARY BELL.
7. AGNES.
3. ELLEN LINN.
8. MARY ERSKINE.
4. WALLACE.
9. RODOLPHUS.
5. BEECHNUT.
10. CAROLINE
MARCO PAUL SERIES.
Marco Paul's Voyages and Travels in the Pursuit of
Knowledge. By JACOB ABBOTT. Beautifully Illustrated.
Complete in six Volumes, 16mo, Cloth, 75 cents per Volume.
Price of the sct, in a box, $4 50.
1. IN NEW YORK.
4. IN VERMONT.
2. ON THE ERIE CANAL. 5. IN BOSTON.
3. IN TIIE FORESTS OF MAINE. 6. Tur SPRINGFIELD ARMORY.
RAINBOW AND LUCKY SERIES.
By JACOB ABBOTT. Beautifully Illustrated. 16mo, Cloth,
175 cents each. The set complete, in a box, $3 75.
1. HANDIE.
3. SELLING LUCKY.
2. RAINBOW'S JOURNEY.
4. UP THE RIVER.
5. THE THREE PINES.
YOUNG CHRISTIAN SERIES.
By JACOB ABBOTT. In Four Volumes. Illustrated. 12.no,
Cloth, $1 75 per Vol. The set complete, Cloth, $7 00.
1. THE YOUNG CHRISTIAN. 3. THE WAY TO DO GOOD.
2. THE CORNER STONE. 4. HOARYHEAD AND M DOXXER
THE YOUNG CHRISTIAN.
By JACOB ABBOTT. A Memorial Volume. With a Sketch of
the Author by one of his Sons. Illustrated by a Steel-Plato
Portrait of the Author, and Woodcuts. 12070, Cloth, $2 00.
2
Books by the Abbotts.
BOTT.
HARPER'S STORY BOOKS.
A Series of Narratives, Biographies, and Tales, for the In-
struction and Entertainment of the Young. By JACOB AB-
Embellished with more than One Thousand beautiful
Engravings. Square 4to, complete in 12 large Volumes, or
36 small ones.
"HARPER'S STORY BOOKS" can be obtained complete in Twelve
Volumes, bonud in blue and gold, each one containing Three Sto-
ries, for $15 00, or in Thirty-six thin Volumes, bound in crimson
and gold, each containing ove story, for $27 00. The Volumes may
be had separately-the large ones at $1 25 each, the others at 75
ceuts each.
VOL. I.
BRUNO; or, Lessons of Fidelity, Patience, and Self-Denia)
Taught by a Dog.
WILLIE AND THE MORTGAGE: showing How Much may
be Accomplished by a Boy.
THE STRAIT GATE; or, The Rule of Exclusion from
Heaven.
VOL. II.
THE LITTLE LOUVRE; or, The Boys and Girls' Picture-
Gallery
PRANK; or, The Philosophy of Tricks and Mischief.
EMMA; or, The Three Misfortunes of a Belle.
VOL. III.
VIRGINIA; or, A Little Light on a Very Dark Saying.
TIMBOO AND JOLIBA; or, The Art of Being Useful.
TIMBOO AND FANNY; or, The Art of Self-Instruction.
VOL. IV.
THE HARPER ESTABLISHMENT ; or, How the Story
Books are Made.
FRANKLIN, the Apprentice-Boy.
THE STUDIO; or, Illustrations of the Theory and Practice
of Drawing, for Young Artists at Home.
VOL. V.
THE STORY OF ANCIENT HISTORY, from the Earliest
Periods to the Fall of the Roman Empire.
THE STORY OF ENGLISH HISTORY, from the Earliest
Periods to the American Revolution.
THE STORY OF AMERICAN HISTORY, from the Earliest
Settlement of the Country to the Establishment of the
Federal Constitution.
Books by the Abbotts.
3
VOL. VI.
JOHN TRUE; or, The Christian Experience of an Honest
Boy.
ELFRED; or, The Blind Boy and his Pictures.
THE MUSEUM; or, Curiosities Explained.
VOL. VII.
THE ENGINEER ; or, How to Travel in the Woods.
RAMBLES AMONG THE ALPS.
THE THREE GOLD DOLLARS; or, an Account of the
Adventures of Robin Green.
VOL. VIII.
THE GIBRALTAR GALLERY: being an Account of Vari-
ous Things both Curious and Useful.
THE ALCOVE: containing some Farther Account of Tim-
boo, Mark, and Fauny.
DIALOGUES for the Amusement and Instruction of Young
Persons.
VOL. IX.
THE GREAT ELM; or, Robin Green and Josiah Lane at
Schoo).
AUNT MARGARET ; or, How Johị True kept his Resolu-
tions.
VERNON; or, Conversations about Old Times in England.
VOL. X.
CARL AND JOCKO; or, The Adventures of the Little
Italian Boy and his Monkey.
LAPSTONE; or, the Sailor turned Shoemaker.
ORKNEY, THE PEACEMAKER; or, The Various Ways of
Settling Disputes.
VOL. XI.
JUDGE JUSTIN; or, The Little Court of Morningdale.
MINIGO ; or, The Fairy of Cairnstone Abbey.
JASPER; or, The Spoiled Child Recovered.
VOL. XII.
CONGO; or, Jasper's Experience in Command.
VIOLA and her Little Brother Arno.
LITTLE PAUL; or, How to be Patient in Sickness and
Pain.
Some of the Story Books are written particularly for girls, and
some for Boys, and the different Volunes are adapted to varions
ages, so that the work forms & Complete Library of Story Books for
all the Children of the Family and the Sunday-School.
4
Books by the Abbotts.
ABBOTTS' ILLUSTRATED HISTORIES.
Biographical Histories. By JACOB ABBOTT and JOHN S.
C. ABBOTT. The Volumes of this Series are .printed and
bound uniformly, and are embellished with numerous Engrav-
ings. 16mo, Cloth, $1 00 per Volume. Price of the set (32
Vols.), $32 00.
A series of volumes containing severally full acconuts of the lives,
characters, and exploits of the most distiuguished sovereigne, po-
teutates, and rulers that have been chiefly renowned among man-
kind, in the various ages of the world, from the earliest periods to
the present day.
The successive volumes of the series, thongh they each coutain
the life of a single individual, and constitute thus a distiuct and
independent work, follow each other in the main, in regular his-
torical order, and each one continges the general narrative of his-
tory down to the period at which the next volume takes up the
story; so that the whole series presents to the reader a connected
narrative of the line of general history from the present age back
to the remotest times.
CYRUS THE GREAT.
DARIUS THE GREAT.
MARY QUEEN OF SCOTS.
QUEEN ELIZABETH.
CHARLES I.
XERXES.
ALEXANDER TIIE GREAT.
ROMULUS.
CHARLES II.
HERNANDO CORTEZ.
HENRY IV.
HANNIBAL.
PYRRHUS.
JULIUS CAESAR
LOUIS XIV.
MARIA ANTOINETTI.
CLEOPATRA.
MADAME ROLAND.
JOSEPHINE.
JOSEPH BONAPARTE.
NERO.
ALFRED THE GREAT.
WILLIAM THE CONQUEROR.
RICHARD I.
HORTENSE.
LOUIS PHILIPPE.
RICHARD II.
GENGHIS KHAN.
RICHARD III.
KING PHILIP.
MARGARET OF ANJOU.
PETER THE GREAT.
Books by the Abbotts.
o
ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S OPINION OF ABBOTTS' HISTORIES. — In
a conversation with the President just before his death, Mr.
Lincoln said: "I want to thank you and your brother for
Abbotts' Series of Flistories. I have not education enough to
appreciate the profound works of voluminous historians; and
if I had, I have no time to read them. But your Series of
Histories gives me, in brief compass, just that knowledge of
past men and events which I need. I have read them with the
greatest interest. To them I am indcbled for about all the his-
torical knowledge I have."
For the convenience of buyers, these popular Histories
have been divided into Six Series, as follows:
I.
II.
Founders of Empires.
Heroes of Roman History.
CYRUS.
DARIUS.
XERXES.
ALEXANDER.
GENGHIS KHAN.
PETER TIIE GREAT.
ROMULUS.
HANNIBAL.
PYRRHUS.
JULIUS C.ESAR.
NERO.
III.
IV.
Earlicr
British Kings and Queens.
Latcr
British Kings and Queens.
ALFRED
WILLIAM THE CONQUEROR.
RICHARD I.
RICHARD II.
MARGARET OF ANJOU.
RICHARD III.
MARY QUEEN OF SCOTS.
ELIZABETH.
CHARLES I.
CHARLES II.
V.
VI.
Queens and Heroines.
Rulers of Later Times.
CLEOPATRA.
MARIA ANTOINETTE,
JOSEPHINE.
HORTENSE.
MADAME ROLAND.
KING PHILIP.
HERNANDO CORTEZ,
HENRY IV.
LOUIS XIV.
JOSEPH BONAPARTE
LOUIS PHILIPPE.
Dach Series inclosed in a neat box.
6
Books by the Abbotts.
THE LITTLE LEARNER SERIES.
A Series for Very Young Children. Designed to Assist in
the Earliest Development of the Mind of a Child, while under
its Mother's Special Care, during the First Five or Six Years
of its Life. By JACOB ABBOTT.
. Beautifully Illustrated.
Complete in fire small 4to Volumes, Cloth, 75 cents per Vol.
Price of the set, in case, $3 75.
LEARNING TO TALK; or, Entertaining and Instructive
Lessons in the Use of Language. 170 Engravings.
LEARNING TO THINK : consisting of Easy and Euter-
taining Lessons, designed to assist in the First Unfolding
of the Reflective and Reasoning Powers of Children. 120
Engravings.
LEARNING TO READ: consisting of Easy and Entertain-
ing Lessons, designed to Assist Young Children in Study-
ing the Forms of the Letters, and in beginning to Read.
160 Engravings.
LEARNING ABOUT COMMON THINGS; or, Familiar In-
struction for Children in Respect to the Objects around
them that attract their Attention and awaken their Curi-
osity in the Earliest Years of Life. 120 Engravings.
LEARNING ABOUT RIGHT AND WRONG; or, Enter-
taining and Instructive Lessons for Young Childrcu. in
Respect to their Duty. 90 Engravings.
Books by the Abbotts.
7
KINGS AND QUEENS; or, Life in the Palace: consisting
of Historical Sketches of Josephine and Maria Louisa,
Louis Philippe, Ferdinand of Austria, Nicholas, Isabella II.,
Leopold, Victoria, and Louis Napolcon. By JOHN S. C.
ABBOTT. Illustrated. 12mo, Cloth, $1 75.
A SUMMER IN SCOTLAND; a Narrative of Observations
and Adventures inade by the Author during a Summer
spent among the Glens and Highlands in Scotland. By
JACOB ABBOTT, Illustrated. 12mo, Cloth, $1 75.
TEE ROMANCE OF SPANISH HISTORY. By JOHN S. C.
ABBOTT. Illustrated. 12mo, Cloth, $ 2 00.
THE TEACHER. Moral Influences Employed in the In-
struction and Government of the Young By JACOB AB.
Illustrated. 12mo, Cloth, $1 75.
BOTT.
GENTLE MEASURES IN TRAINING THE YOUNG.
Gentle Measures in the Management and Training of the
Young; or, The Principles on which a Firm Parental Au-
thority may be Established and Maintained without Vio-
lence or Anger, and the Right Development of the Moral
and Mental Capacities be Promoted by Methods in Har-
mony with the Structure and the Characteristics of the
Juvenile Mind. A Book for the Parents of Young Chil-
dren, By JACOB ABBOTT. Illustrated. 12mo, Cloth,
$1 75.
por HARPER & BuoTiers will send any of the above works by mail,
postage prepaid, on receipt of the price.
SCIENCE
FOR THE YOUNG.
BY JACOB ABBOTT.
WITH ILLUSTRATIONS.
HEAT. 12mo, Cloth, $1 50.
LIGHT. 12mo, Cloth, $1 50.
WATER AND LAND. 12mo, Cloth, $1 50.
FORCE. 12mo, Cloth, $1 50.
Few meu cujoy a wider or better carucd popularity as a writer
for the young than Jacob Abbott. His scries of historics, and sto-
rics illustrative of moral truths, have furnished amusement aud
instruction to thousands. He has the knack of piqning and grati-
fying curiosity. In the book before us be shows his h:1ppy faculty
of imparting useful information through the medium of a plensant
Darrative, keeping alive the interest of the young readcr, and fixing
in his memory valuable truths.-Mercury, New Bedford, Mass.
Jacob Abbott is almost the only writer in the English language
who kuows how to combine real amusement with real instruction
in such a manner that the eager young readers are quite as much
interested in the useful knowledge he imparts as in the story which
he makes so pleasant a medium of instruction.-Bufalo Commer-
cial Advertiser.
Mr. Abbott has avoided the crrors so common with writers for
popular effect, that of slurring over the dificulties of the subject
through the desire of making it intelligible and attractive to uu-
learned leaders. Ile never tampers with the truth of science, vor
attempts to dodge the solution of a kuotty problem behind a cloud
of plausible illustrations.-9. Y. Tribune.
De Harper & Brothers will send any of the above works by mail,
postage prepaid, on receipt of the price.
UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN
3 9015 04882 7623
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