BUHR
A 1,069,013
GRAD
PR
3473
.A3
1745
v.1
THE UNIVER
THE UNIVERS
ERSITY
1811
"LIBR
RIES
↑ MICHIGAN.
MICH
HIC
Z valo
"Alex" Duff
His Book Edin
POEMS
ON.
Several Occafions.
By Mr. JOHN GAY.
VOLUME the FIRST.
His jocamur, ludimus, amamus, dolemus, querimur,
irafcimur; defcribimus aliquid modò preffius, modò
elatius: atque ipfâ varietate tentamus efficere, ut
alia aliis, quædam fortaffe omnibus placeant.
Plin. Epift.
LONDON:
Printed for H. LINTOT, J. and R. TONSON
and S. DRAPER.
MDCCXLV.
GRAD/BUHR
PR
3473
.A3
1746
Вино
BUHF/6000
Spaies
THE
CONTENT S.
OF THE
FIRST VOLUME.
R
Ural Sports, a Georgic.
The Fan, a Poem.
Book 2.
page 3
25
39
Book 3.
The Shepherd's Week.
Monday, or the Squabble.
49
61
75
Tueſday, or the Ditty.
83
Wedneſday, or the Dumps.
89
Thursday, or the Spell.
97
Friday, or the Dirge.
106
Saturday, or the Flights.
116
Trivia. Book 1.
133
Book 2.
147
Book 3.
176
The What d'ye call it.
209
RURAL SPORTS.
A
GEORGIC,
INSCRIBED
POPE.
To Mr.
Securi Prælia ruris
Pandimus.
Nemifian,
VOL. I.
B
RURAL SPORTS.
A
GEORGI C.
To Mr. P O P E.
POPE.
OU, who the fweets of rural Life have
known,
Deſpiſe th' ungrateful hurry of the town:
In Windfor groves your eafie hours employ,
And, undiſturb'd, your felf and Muſe enjoy.
Thames liftens to thy ftrains, and filent flows,
And, no rude wind through ruſtling ofiers blows,
While all his wond'ring Nymphs around thee throng,
To hear the Sirens warble in thy fong.
But I, who ne'er was blefs'd by Fortune's hand,
Nor brighten'd plow-fhares in paternal land,
B 2
1Q
Long
4
RURAL SPORTS.
Long in the noifie town have been immur'd,
Refpir'd its fmoke, and all its cares endur'd,
Where news and politicks divide mankind,
And ſchemes of ftate involve th' uneafie mind:
Faction embroils the world; and ev'ry Tongue
Is mov'd by flatt'ry, or with fcandal hung:
Friendſhip, for fylvan fhades, the palace flies,
Where all muſt yield to int'reft's dearer ties ;
Each rival Machiavel with envy burns,
And honefty forſakes them all by turns;
While calumny upon each party's thrown,
Which both promote, and both alike diſown.
Fatigu'd at laſt; a calm retreat I choſe,
15
225
2
And footh'd my harrafs'd mind with ſweet repoſe,
Where fields, and fhades, and the refreſhing clime,
Inſpire the fylvan fong, and prompt my rhime.
My muſe ſhall rove through flow'ry meads and plains,
And deck with Rural Sports her native trains,
And the fame road ambitiouſly purſue,
Frequented by the Mantuan fwain, and you.
'Tis not that rural ſports alone invite,
But all the grateful country breathes delight;
H
RURAL
5
SPORTS.
Here blooming health exerts her gentle reign,
And ſtrings the finews of th' induſtrious ſwain.
Soon as the morning lark falutes the day,
Through dewy fields I take my frequent way,
Where I behold the farmer's early care,
In the revolving labours of the year.
When the freſh ſpring in all her ſtate is crown'd,
And high luxuriant grafs o'erſpreads the ground,
The lab'rer with the bending ſcythe is feen,
Shaving the furface of the waving green,
Of all her native pride difrobes the land,
35
40
And meads lays wafte before his fweeping hand:
While with the mounting fun the meadow glows, 45
The fading Herbage round he loofely throws;
But if fome fign portend a lafting ſhow'r,
Th' experienc'd fwain forefees the coming hour,
His fun-burnt hands the ſcatt'ring fork forfake,
And ruddy damfels ply the ſaving rake,
In rifing hills the fragrant harveft grows,
50
And ſpreads along the field in equal rows.
Now when the height of heav'n bright Phœbus gains,
And level rays cleave wide the thirſty plains,
B 3
When
6 RURAL
SPORTS.
When heifers feek the ſhade and cooling lake,
And in the middle path-way basks the fnake;
O lead me, guard me from the fultry hours,
Hide me, ye forefts, in your cloſeſt bowers:
Where the tall oak his ſpreading arms entwines,
And with the beech a mutual fhade combines ;
Where flows the murm'ring brook, inviting dreams,
Where bord'ring hazle overhangs the ftreams,
Whofe rolling current winding round and round,
With frequent falls makes all the wood refound;
Upon the moffy couch my limbs I caft,
And ev'n at noon the ſweets of ev'ning taſte.
Here I peruſe the Mantuan's Georgic ſtrains,
And learn the labours of Italian fwains ;
In ev'ry page I fee new landfchapes riſe,
And all Hefperia opens to my eyes.
I wander o'er the various rural toil,
55
60
65
70
And know the nature of each different foil :
This waving field is gilded o'er with corn,
That ſpreading trees with bluſhing fruit adorn :
Here I furvey the purple vintage grow,
Climb round the poles, and rife in graceful row:
75
Now
RURAL SPORTS.
7
Now I behold the fteed curvet and bound,
And paw with reſtleſs hoof the fmoaking ground:
The dewlap'd bull now chafes along the plain,
While burning love ferments in ev'ry vein;
His well arm'd front againſt his rival aims,
And by the dint of war his miſtreſs claims :
The careful infect 'midt his works I view,
80
Now from the flow'rs exhauſt the fragrant dew;
With golden Treaſures load his little thighs,
And fteer his diftant journey through the skies;
Some againſt hoſtile drones the hive defend;
Others with fweets the waxen cells diftend:
Each in the toil his deftin'd office bears,
And in the little bulk a mighty foul appears.
85
90
Or when the ploughman leaves the task of day,
And trudging homeward whiſtles on the way;
When the big-udder'd cows with patience ftand,
Waiting the froakings of the damfel's hand,
No warbling chears the woods; the feather'd choir, 95
To court kind flumbers to their ſprays retire;
When no rude gale diſturbs the fleeping trees,
Nor afpen leaves confefs the gentleft breeze;
B 4
Engag'd
8
RURAL SPORT S.
Engag'd in thought, to Neptune's bounds I ftray,
To take my farewel of the parting day;
Far in the deep the fun his glory hides,
A ftreak of gold the fea and sky divides ;
The purple clouds their amber linings fhow,
And edg'd with flame rolls ev'ry wave below:
Here penfive I behold the fading light,
And o'er the diftant billow lofe my fight.
Now night in filent ſtate begins to riſe,
And twinkling orbs beftrow th'uncloudy skies;
Her borrow'd luftre growing Cynthia lends,
And on the main a glitt'ring path extends ;
Millions of worlds hang in the fpacious air,
Which round their funs their annual circles Яeer.
Sweet contemplation elevates my fenfe,
While I furvey the works of providence.
100
105
110
O could the mufe in loftier ſtrains rehearſe,
115
The glorious author of the univerſe,
Who reins the winds, gives the vaſt ocean bounds,
And circumfcribes the floating worlds their rounds.
My foul fhould overflow in fongs of praife,
And my Creator's name infpire my lays!
120
As
RURAL SPORTS.
9
As in fucceffive courſe the feafons roll,
So circling pleaſures recreate the foul.
When genial ſpring a living warmth beſtows,
And o'er the year her verdant mantle throws,
No ſwelling inundation hides the grounds,
But cryſtal currents glide within their bounds
The finny brood their wonted haunts forfake,
Float in the fun, and skim along the lake,
With frequent leap they range the fhallow ftreams,
Their filver coats reflect the dazling beams.
Now let the fiſherman his toils prepare,
s;
125
1:30
And arm himſelf with ev'ry watry fnare
;
His hooks, his lines peruſe with careful eye,
Increaſe his tackle, and his rod retye.
When floating clouds their ſpongy fleeces drain, 135
Troubling the ftreams with fwift defcending rain,
And waters tumbling down the mountain's fide,
Bear the looſe foil into the fwelling tide;
Then, foon as vernal gales begin to riſe,
And drive the liquid Burden thro' the skies,
The fiſher to the neighb'ring current ſpeeds,
Whofe rapid furface purles unknown to weeds ;
140
B 5
Upon
JO •
RURAL SPORTS
Upon a rifing border of the brook
He fits him down, and ties the treach’rous hook;
Now expectation chears his eager thought,
His bofom glows with treaſures yet uncaught,.
Before his eyes a banquet feems to ftand,
Where ev'ry gueſt applauds his skilful hand..
145;
Far up the ſtream the twifted hair he throws,-
Which down the murm'ring current gently flows; 150.
When if or chance or hunger's pow'rful fway
Directs the roving trout this fatal
way.
He greedily fucks in the twining bait,
And tugs and nibbles the fallacious meat :
Now, happy fiſherman, now twitch the line!
155-
How thy rod bends! behold, the prize is thine!
Caft on the bank, he dies with gafping pains,
And trickling blood his filver mail diftains.
You muſt not ev'ry worm promifcuous ufe,
Judgment will tell thee proper bait to chufe;
160
The worm that draws a long immod’rate fize
The trout abhors, and the rank morfel flies;
And if too ſmall, the naked fraud's in fight,
And fear forbids, while hunger does invite.
Thofe
RURAL SPORTS.
II
Thoſe baits will beft reward the fiſher's pains,
Whoſe poliſh'd tails a ſhining yellow ſtains:
Cleanſe them from filth, to give a tempting glofs,
Cheriſh the fully'd reptile race with moſs;
Amid the verdant bed they twine, they toil,
And from their bodies wipe their native ſoil.
But when the fun difplays his glorious beams,
And fhallow rivers flow with filver ftreams,
Then the deceit the fcaly breed ſurvey,
Bask in the fun, and look into the day.
You now a more delufive art muſt try,
And tempt their hunger with the curious fly,
To frame the little animal, provide
All the gay hues that wait on female pride,
Let nature guide thee; fometimes golden wire
The fhining bellies of the fly require;
The peacocks. plumes thy tackle muft not fail,
Nor the dear purchaſe of the fable's tail.
Each gaudy bird ſome ſlender tribute brings,.
And lends the growing infect proper wings:
Silks of all colours must their aid impart,,
And ev'ry fur promote the fisher's art.
165
179.
180
185
SOO
12
RURAL SPORTS.
So the gay lady, with expenfive care,
Borrows the pride of land, of fea, and air;
Furs, pearls, and plumes, the glittering thing difplays,.
Dazles our eyes, and eafie hearts betrays.
Mark well the various feaſons of the year;
How the fucceeding infect race appear;
In this revolving moon one colour reigns,.
Which in the next the fickle trout difdains.
Oft' have I ſeen a skilful angler try
The various colours of the treach'rous Ay;
When he with fruitless pain hath.skim'd the brook,
And the coy fiſh rejects the skipping hook,
He ſhakes the boughs that on the margin grow,
Which o'er the ſtream a waving foreft throw. ;
When if an infect fall, (his certain guide)
He gently takes him from the whirling tide;.
Examines well his form with curious eyes,.
His gaudy veſt, his wings, his horns and fize.
Then round his hook the chofen fur he winds,
1.900
*95*
200
205
And on the back a fpeckled feather binds,
So just the colours fhine through ev'ry part,
That nature feems to live again in art.
Let
RURAL SPORTS.
13
Let not thy wary ſtep advance too near,
While all thy hope hangs on a fingle hair;
The new-form'd infect on the water moves,
The ſpeckled trout the curious fnare approves ;
Upon the curling furface let it glide,
With nat'ral motion from thy hand ſupply'd,
Againſt the ſtream now gently let it play,
Now in the rapid eddy roll away.
The fcaly fhoals float by, and ſeiz'd with fear
Behold their Fellows toft in thinner air ;.
But foon they leap, and catch the ſwimming bait,
Plunge on the hook, and ſhare an equal Fate.
When a brisk Gale against the current blows,
And all the watry plain in wrinkles flows,
Then let the fiſherman his art repeat,.
Where bubbling eddys favour the deceit.
If an enormous falmon chance to ſpy
The wanton Errors of the floating fly,
210
21:5
220
225
He lifts his filver gills above the flood,
And greedily fucks in th' unfaithful food;
Then downward plunges with the fraudful prey,
And bears with joy the little ſpoil away.
230
Soon
14
RURAL SPORTS.
;
Soon in ſmart pain he feels the dire miſtake,
Laſhes the wave, and beats the foamy lake,
With fudden rage he now aloft appears,
And in his eye convulfive anguiſh bears;
And now again, impatient of the wound,
He rolls and wreaths his fhining body round
Then headlong ſhoots beneath the daſhing tide,
The trembling fins the boiling wave divide;
Now hope exalts the fifher's beating heart,
Now he turns pale, and fears his dubious art;
He views the tumbling fifh with longing eyes,
While the line ftretches with th' unwieldy prize;
Each motion humours with his ſteady hands,
And one flight hair the mighty bulk commands:
'Till tir'd at laft, defpoil'd of all his ſtrength,
The game athwart the ſtream unfolds his length.
He now, with pleaſure, views the gaſping prize.
Gnaſh his ſharp teeth, and roll his blood-ſhot eyes;
Then draws him to the fhore with artful care,
J
And lifts his noftrils in the fick'ning air:
Upon the burthen'd ftream he floating lies,
Stretches his quivering fins, and gaſping dies. .-
235
249
245
250
Would
RURAL SPORTS.
15
Let
Would you preferve a num'rous finny race?
your fierce dogs the rav'nous otter chaſe;
Th' amphibious monfter ranges all the ſhores,
Darts through the waves, and ev'ry haunt explores:
Or let the gin his roving ſteps betray,
And fave from hoftile jaws the fcaly prey.
2551
I never wander where the bord'ring reeds
O'erlook the muddy ftream, whoſe tangling weeds 260.
Perplex the fiſher; I; nor chufe to bear
The thievifh nightly net, nor barbed ſpear ; ·
Nor drain I ponds the golden carp to take,.
Nor trowle for pikes, difpeoplers of the lake.
Around the feel no tortur'd worm fhall twine,
No blood of living infect ftains my line;
Let me, less cruel, caft the feather'd hook,
With pliant rod athwart the pebbled brook,
Silent along the mazy margin ftray,
265:
And with the fur-wrought fly delude the prey.
270
CANTO
1
16
RURAL SPORT3.
C ANTO II.
OW, ſporting Mufe, draw in the flowing reins,.
N the
27.5
Leave the clear ftreams awhile for funny plains.
Should you the various arms and toils rehearſe,.
And all the fiſherman adorn thy verſe;.
Should you the wide-encircling net difplay,
And in its ſpacious arch incloſe the ſea,
Then haul the plunging load upon the land,.
And with the foale and turbet hide the fand;
It would extend the growing theme too long,
And tire the Reader with the watry fong.
Let the keen hunter from the chaſe refrain,
Nor render all the plowman's labour vain,
When Ceres pours out plenty from her horn,
And cloaths the fields with golden ears of corn.
Now, now, ye reapers, to your task repair,
Hafte, fave the product of the bounteous year :
To the wide-gathering hook long furrows yield,.
And rifing fheaves extend through all the field.
280
285
Yac
RURAL SPORTS.
17
290
Yet if for fylvan fport thy bofom glow,
Let thy fleet greyhound urge his flying foe.
With what delight the rapid courſe I view !
How does my eye the circling race purſue!
He ſnaps deceitful air with empty jaws,
The fubtle hare darts fwift beneath his paws;
She flies, he ftretches, now with nimble bound,
Eager he preſſes on, but overſhoots his ground;
She turns, he winds, and foon regains the way,
Then tears with goary mouth the fcreaming prey.`
What various fport does rural life afford!
What unbought dainties heap the wholfom board!
Nor leſs the ſpaniel, skilful to betray,
Rewards the fowler with the feather'd Prey.
Soon as the lab'ring horfe with fwelling veins,
Hath fafely hous'd the farmer's doubtful gains,
To ſweet repaſt th' unwary partridge flies,
With joy amid the ſcatter'd harveſt lies;
Wandring in plenty, danger he forgets,
Nor dreads the flav'ry of entangling nets.
The fubtle dog ſcow'rs with fagacious noſe
295
301
305
Along the field, and fnuffs each breeze that blows, 310
Againſt
!
18
RURAL SPORTS.
Againſt the wind he takes his prudent way,
While the ftrong gale directs him to the prey;
Now the warm ſcent affures the covey near,
He treads with caution, and he points with fear;
Then (left ſome fentry fowl the fraud deſcry,
And bid his fellows from the danger fly)
Cloſe to the ground in expectation lies,
Till in the fnare the fluttering covey rife.
Soon as the bluſhing light begins to fpread,
315
And glancing Phœbus gilds the mountain's head, 320
His early flight th' ill-fated partridge takes,
And quits the friendly fhelter of the brakes:
Or when the fun cafts a declining ray,
And drives his chariot down the weſtern way,
Let your obfequious ranger fearch around,
Where yellow ftubble withers on the ground:
Nor will the roving ſpy direct in vain,
But numerous coveys gratify thy pain.
When the meridian fun contracts the fhade,
And frisking heifers feek the cooling glade,
Or when the country floats with fudden rains,
Or driving mifts deface the moift'ned plains;
In vain his toils th' unskilful fowler tries,
While in thick woods the feeding partridge lies.
325
330
Nor
RURAL SPORT S.
19
Nor muſt the ſporting verſe the gun forbear,
But what's the fowler's be the mufe's care.
335
See how the well-taught pointer leads the way:
The ſcent grows warm; he ftops; he ſprings the prey;
The flutt'ring coveys from the ftubble rife,
And on ſwift wing divide the founding skies;
340.
The fcatt'ring lead purfues the certain fight,
And death in thunder overtakes their flight.
Cool breathes the morning Air, and winter's hand
Spreads wide her hoary mantle o'er the land;
Now to the copfe thy leffer ſpaniel take,
Teach him to range the ditch and force the brake ;
Not cloſeſt coverts can protect the game:
Hark! the dog opens; take thy certain aim;
The woodcock flutters; how he wav'ring flies!
The wood refounds: he wheels, he drops, he dies.
The tow'ring hawk let future poets fing,
Who terror bears upon his foaring wing:
Let them on high the frighted hern furvey,
And lofty numbers paint their airy fray.
Nor fhall the mountain lark the muſe detain,
That greets the morning with his early ſtrain;
345
351
355
When
20
RURAL SPORT S.
When, midſt his fong, the twinkling glaſs betrays;
While from each angle flaſh the glancing rays,
And in the fun the tranfient colours blaze,
Pride lures the little warbler from the skies:
The light enamour'd bird deluded dies.
360
365
But ftill the chaſe, a pleafing task, remains;
The hound muft open in theſe rural ſtrains.
Soon as Aurora drives away the night,
And edges eaſtern clouds with rofy light,
The healthy huntſman, with a chearful horn,
Summons the dogs, and greets the dappled morn;
The jocund thunder wakes th' enliven'd hounds,
They rouze from fleep, and anſwer founds for founds;
Wide through the furzy field their route they take,
Their bleeding bofoms force the thorny brake:
The flying game their fmoaking noftrils trace,
No bounding hedge obſtructs their eager pace;
The diſtant mountains echo from afar,
And hanging woods refound the flying war:
The tuneful noife the fprightly courfer hears,
Paws the green turf, and pricks his trembling ears;
The flacken'd rein now gives him all his ſpeed,
Back flies the rapid ground beneath the ſteed;
370
375
1
Hills,
RURAL SPORTS.
21
Hills, dales and foreſts far behind remain,
While the warm fcent draws on the deep-mouth'd train.
Where ſhall the trembling hare a ſhelter find?
381
Hark! death advances in each guft of wind!
New ſtratagems and doubling wiles fhe tries,
Now circling turns, and now at large fhe flies;
Till ſpent at laft, fhe pants, and heaves for breath, 385
Then lays her down, and waits devouring death.
But ftay, advent'rous mufe, haft thou the force
To wind the twiſted horn, to guide the horfe?
To keep thy feat unmov'd haft thou the skill
O'er the high gate, and down the headlong hill?
Can't thou the ftag's laborious chaſe direct,
Or the ſtrong fox through all his arts detect?
The theme demands a more experienc'd lay;
Ye mighty hunters, fpáre this weak eſſay.
390
O happy plains, remote from war's alarms,
And all the ravages of hoſtile arms!
And happy shepherds, who fecure from fear,
On open downs preſerve your fleecy care!
Whofe fpacious barns groan with increaſing ſtore,
And whirling flails disjoint the cracking floor:
395
400
No
22
RURAL SPORTS.
No barb'rous foldier, bent on cruel ſpoil,
Spreads defolation o'er your fertile foil;
No trampling fteed lays wafte the ripen'd grain,
Nor crackling fires devour the promis'd gain :
No flaming beacons caft their blaze afar,
The dreadful fignal of invaſive war ;
No trumpet's clangor wounds the mother's ear,
And calls the lover from his fwooning fair.
405
What happineſs the rural maid attends,
In chearful labour while each day fhe ſpends!
She gratefully receives what heav'n has fent,
And, rich in poverty, enjoys content:
(Such happiness, and fuch unblemish'd fame
Ne'er glad the bofom of the courtly dame)
She never feels the spleen's imagin'd pains,
Nor melancholy ftagnates in her veins ;
She never lofes life in thoughtleſs eafe,
Nor on the velvet couch invites diſeaſe
Her home-ſpun dreſs in fimple neatneſs lies,
And for no glaring equipage fhe fighs:
410
415
420
Her reputation, which is all her boaſt,
In a malicious vifit ne'er was loft:
No
RURAL SPORT'S.
23
No midnight maſquerade her beauty wears,
And health, not paint, the fading bloom repairs.
If love's foft paffion in her bofom reign,
425
An equal paffion warms her happy fwain;
No homebred jars her quiet ftate controul,
Nor watchful jealoufie torments her foul;
With fecret joy fhe fees her little race
Hang on her breaſt, and her ſmall cottage grace;
The fleecy ball their buſy fingers cull,
430
Or from the ſpindle draw the lengthning wool:
Thus flow her hours with conftant peace of mind,
Till Age the lateſt thread of life unwind.
Ye happy fields, unknown to noiſe and ſtrife,
The kind rewarders of induſtrious life?
Ye fhady woods, where once I us'd to rove;
435
Alike indulgent to the mufe and love;
Ye murm'ring ſtreams that in Mæanders roll,
The ſweet compofers of the penfive foul,
440
Farewel. The city calls me from your bow'rs :
Farewel amufing thoughts and peaceful hours,
THE
F
THE
A N
A
POE
E M.
In THREE BOOKS.
ἐνθά δὲ θελκτήρια πάντα τέτυκτο
Ενθα ἔνι με φιλότης, ἐν δ᾽ ἵμερΘ, ἐν δ' αριςὺς,
Πάρφασις ή τ' ἔκλεψε νόον σύκα περ φρονεόντων.
Τὸν ῥά δι ἔμβαλε χερσίν.
Hom. Iliad. 14,
VOL. I.
C
1
THE
FA N.
A
POEM.
BOOK I
Sing that graceful toy, whoſe waving play
With gentle gales relieves the fultry day,
Not the wide fan by Perfian dames difplay'd,
Which o'er their beauty cafts a grateful
[ſhade;
Nor that long known in China's artful land,
Which, while it cools the face, fatigues the hand:
С в
Nor
28
FAN
The
Nor ſhall the muſe in Afian climates rove,
To feek in Indoftan ſome ſpicy grove,
Where ſtretch'd at eaſe the panting lady lies,
To fhun the fervor of meridian skies,
While fweating flaves catch ev'ry breeze of air,
And with wide-ſpreading fans refreſh the fair;
No buſy gnats her pleaſing dreams moleft,
Inflame her cheek, or ravage o'er her breaſt,
But artificial Zephyrs round her fly,
And mitigate the fever of the sky.
Nor fhall Bermudas long the Mufe detain,
Whoſe fragrant forefts bloom in Waller's ftrain,
Where breathing fweets from ev'ry field aſcend,
And the wild woods with golden apples bend;
Yet let me in fome od❜rous ſhade repoſe,
Whilſt in my verſe the fair Palmetto grows:
Like the tall pine it fhoots its ftately head,
No knotty limbs the taper Body bears,
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ཀལྟ
15
20
From the broad top depending branches ſpread;
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Hung on each bough a fingle leaf appears,
Which fhrivell'd in its infancy remains,
Like a clos'd fan, nor ftretches wide its veins,
But
The
zg
FAN.
But as the ſeaſons in their circle run,
Opes its ribb'd furface to the nearer fun:
Beneath this ſhade the weary peaſant lies,
Plucks the broad leaf, and bids the breezes rife.
Stay, wand'ring Muſe, nor rove in foreign climes,
To thy own native Shore confine thy rhimes.
Affift, ye Nine, your loftieft notes employ,
Say what celeſtial skill contriv'd the toy;
Say how this inftrument of Love began,
And in immortal ftrains difplay the Fan.
Strephon had long confeſs'd his am'rous pain,
Which gay Corinna rally'd with diſdain:
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40
Sometimes in broken Words he figh'd his care,
Look'd pale, and trembled when he view'd the fair;
With bolder freedoms now the youth advanc'd,
He drefs'd, he laugh'd, he fung, he rhim'd, he danc'd:
Now call'd more powerful prefents to his aid,
And, to feduce the miſtreſs, brib'd the maid;
Smooth flatt'ry in her fofter hours apply'd,
The ſureſt charm to bind the force of pride:
But ftill unmov'd remains the fcornful dame,
Infults her captive, and derides his flame.
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50
When
30
FAN.
The
When Strephon faw his vows difpèrs'd in air,
He fought in folitude to loſe his care;
Relief in folitude he fought in vain,
It ferv'd, like Mufick, but to feed his pain.
To Venus now the flighted Boy complains,
And calls the Goddefs in thefe tender ftrains.
O potent Queen, from Neptune's empire fprung,
Whofe glorious birth admiring Nereids fung,
Who 'midft the fragrant plains of Cyprus rove,
Whoſe radiant prefence gilds the Paphian grove,
Where to thy name a thouſand altars riſe,
And curling clouds of incenſe hide the skies:
O beauteous Goddefs, teach me how to move,
Inſpire my tongue with eloquence of love.
If loft Adonis e'er thy bofom warm'd,
1
If e'er his eyes, or godlike figure charm'd,
Think on thoſe hours when firſt you felt the dart,
Think on the reſtleſs fever of thy heart;
Think how you pin'd in abſence of the fwain;
$5
60
65
By thoſe uneafy minutes know my pain.
70
Ev'n while. Cydippe to Diana bows,
And at her ſhrine renews her virgin vows,
The
The
31
FAN.
The lover, taught by thee, her pride o'ercame ;
She reads his oaths, and feels an equal flame:
Oh, may my flame, like thine, Acontius, prove, 75
May Venus dictate, and reward my love,
When crowds of fuitors Atalanta try'd,
She wealth and beauty, wit and fame defy'd;
Each daring lover with advent'rous pace
Purfu'd his wiſhes in the dang'rous race;
Like the ſwift hind, the bounding damfel flies,
Strains to the goal, the diſtanc'd lover dies.
80
Hippomenes, O Venus, was thy care,
You taught the fwain to ſtay the flying fair,
Thy golden preſent caught the virgin's eyes,
85
She ſtoops; he ruſhes on, and gains the prize.
Say, Cyprian Deity, what gift, what art,
Shall humble into love Corinna's heart;
If only fome bright toy can charm her fight,
Teach me what preſent may ſuſpend her flight.
Thus the defponding youth his flame declares.
The Goddeſs with a nod his paffion hears.
Far in Cythera ftands a fpacious grove,
Sacred to Fenus and the God of love;
C 4
9Q
Here
32
FAN.
The
Here the luxuriant myrtle rears her head.
Like the tall oak the fragrant branches fpread;
Here nature all her fweets profufely pours,
And paints th' enamell'd ground with various flow'rs
Deep in the gloomy glade a grotto bends,
Wide through the craggy rock an arch extends,
The rugged ftone is cloath'd with mantling vines,
And round the cave the creeping woodbine twines.
Here bufy Cupids, with pernicious art,
Form the ftiff bow, and forge the fatal dart;
All fhare the toil; while fome the bellows ply,
Others with feathers teach the ſhafts to fly:
Some with joint force whirl round the ftony wheel,
Where ftreams the ſparkling fire from temper'd ſteel;
Some point their arrows, with the niceft skill,
And with the warlike ftore their quivers fill.
A different toil another forge employs ;
Here the loud hammer faſhions female toys,
Hence is the fair with ornament ſupply'd,
Hence ſprung the glitt'ring implements of pride;
Each trinket that adorns the modern dame,
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Firft to thefe little artifts ow'd its frame.
Here
The
33
FAN.
}
Here an unfiniſh'd di'mond croſslet lay,
To which foft lovers adoration pay;
There was the poliſh'd cryſtal bottle ſeen,
That with quick Scents revives the modiſh ſpleen:
Here the yet rude unjointed ſnuff-box lies,
Which ferves the rally'd fop for fmart replies;
There piles of paper roſe in gilded reams,
The future records of the lover's flames
120
Here clouded canes 'midft heaps of toys are found, 125
And inlaid tweezer-cafes ftrow the ground.
There ſtands the Toilette, nurſery of charms,
Compleatly furniſh'd with bright beauty's arms;
The patch, the powder-box, pulville, perfumes,
Pins, paint, a flattering glaſs, and black-lead combs. 130
The toilfome hours in diff'rent labour fide,
Some work the file, and fome the graver guide;
From the loud anvil the quick blow rebounds,
And their rais'd arms, defcend in tuneful founds.
Thus when Semiramis, in ancient days,
Bade Babylon her mighty bulwarks raiſe;
A fwarm of lab'rers diff'rent tasks attend :
Here pullies make the pond'rous oak afcend,
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135
With
34
FAN.
The
With echoing ſtrokes the cragged quarry groans,
While there the chiffel forms the fhapelefs ftones; 140
The weighty mallet deals refounding blows,
'Till the proud battlements her tow'rs incloſe.
་
Now Venus mounts her car, fhe fhakes the reins,
And ſteers her turtles to Cythera's plains;
Straight to the grot with graceful ſtep fhe goes,
Her looſe ambrofial hair behind her flows:
The fwelling bellows heave for breath no more,
All drop their filent hammers on the floor;
145
In deep fufpence the mighty labour ſtands,
While thus the Goddeſs ſpoke her mild commands. 150
Induſtrious Loves, your prefent toils forbear,
A more important task demands your care;
Long has the ſcheme employ'd my thoughtful Mind,
By judgment ripen'd, and by time refin'd.
That glorious bird have ye not often feen
155
Who draws the car of the celeftial Queen?
Have ye not oft furvey'd his varying dyes,
His tail all gilded o'er with Argus' eyes?
Have ye not feen him in a funny day
Unfurle his plumes, and all his pride difplay,
160
Then
The
35
FAN.
Then fuddenly contract his dazling train,
And with long-trailing feathers fweep the plain ?
Learn from this hint, let this inftruct your art;
Thin taper flicks muft from one center part:
165
Let theſe into the quadrant's form divide,
The ſpreading ribs with fnowy paper hide:
Here ſhall the pencil bid its colours flow,
And make a miniature creation grow.
Let the machine in equal foldings cloſe,
And now its plaited furface wide difpofe.
So fhall the fair her idle hand employ,
And grace each motion with the reſtleſs toy,
With various play bid grateful Zephyrs riſe,
While love in ev'ry grateful Zephyr Aies.
170
The mafter Cupid traces out the lines,
175
And with judicious hand the draught deſigns,
Th' expecting Loves with joy the model view,
And the joint labour eagerly purſue.
Some flit their arrows with the niceft art,
And into ſticks convert the ſhiver'd dart ;
180
The breathing bellows wake the fleeping fire,
Blow off the cinders, and the ſparks aſpire;
Their
36
FAN.
The
Their arrow's point they foften in the flame,
And founding hammers break its barbed frame;
Of this, the little pin they neatly mold,
185
From whence their arms the ſpreading fticks unfold ;
In equal plaits they now the paper bend,
And at juſt diſtance the wide ribs extend,
Then on the frame they mount the limber skreen,
And finiſh inſtantly the new machine..
The Goddeſs pleas'd, the curious work receives,
Remounts her chariot, and the grotto leaves;
With the light fan fhe moves the yielding air,
And gales, till then unknown, play round the fair.
Unhappy lovers, how will you withſtand,
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When theſe new arms ſhall grace your charmer's hand ?
In ancient times, when maids in thought were pure,
When eyes were artleſs, and the look demure,
When the wide ruff the well-turn'd neck inclos'd,
And heaving breafts within the ftays repos'd,
When the clofe hood conceal'd the modeft ear,
Ere black-lead combs difown'd the virgin's hair;
Then in the muff unactive fingers lay,
Nor taught the fan in fickle forms to play.
How
The
37
FAN.
How are the Sex improv'd in am'rous arts,
What new-found fnares they bait for human hearts!
When kindling war the ravag'd globe ran o'er,
And fatten'd thirſty plains with human gore,
At first, the brandiſh'd arm the jav'lin threw,
Or fent wing'd arrows from the twanging yew;
In the bright air the dreadful fauchion fhone,
Or whiſtling flings diſmiſs'd th' uncertain ſtone.
Now men thoſe leſs deftructive arms deſpiſe,
Wide-waftful death from thundring cannon flies,
One hour with more battalions ftrows the plain,
Than were of yore in weekly battles flain.
So love with fatal airs the nymph fupplies,
Her dreſs difpofes, and directs her eyes.
The bofom now its panting beauties fhows,
Th' experienc'd eye refiftlefs glances throws ;
Now vary'd patches wander o'er the face,
And ftrike each gazer with a borrow'd grace;
The fickle head-drefs finks and now aſpires
A tow'ry front of lace on branching wires.
The curling hair in tortur'd ringlets flows,
Or round the face in labour'd order grows.
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How
38
FA N.
The
How fhall I foar, and on unweary wing
Trace varying habits upward to their ſpring!
What force of thought, what numbers can exprefs,
Th' inconftant equipage of female dreſs?
How the ſtrait ſtays the flender wafte conſtrain,
How to adjuſt the manteau's fweeping train?
What fancy can the petticoat furround,
With the capacious hoop of whalebone bound?
230
But ſtay, preſumptuous Mufe, nor boldly dare
235
The Toilette's facred myfteries declare;
Let a juft diftance be to beauty paid;
None here muſt enter but the truſty maid.
Should you the wardrobe's magazine rehearſe,
And gloffy manteaus ruftle in thy verfe;
Should you the rich brocaded fuit unfold,
Where rifing flow'rs grow ftiff with frofted gold,
The dazled Mufe would from her ſubject ftray,
And in a maze of faſhions loſe her way.
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THE
THE
FA
A
POE
N.
E M.
BOOK II.
LYMPUS' gates unfold; in heav'ns high
towers
Appear in council all th' immortal Powers
Great Jove above the reſt exalted fate,
And in his mind revolv'd fucceeding fate,
His
40
FAN.
The
His awful eye with ray fuperior fhone,
The thunder-graſping eagle guards his throne;
On filver clouds the great affembly laid,
The whole creation at one view furvey'd.
But fee, fair Venus comes in all her ftate,
The wanton Loves and Graces round her wait;
With her looſe robe officious Zephyrs play,
And ftrow with odoriferous flowers the way,
In her right-hand ſhe waves the flutt'ring fan,
And thus in melting founds her ſpeech began.
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Affembled Powers, who fickle mortals guide,
Who o'er the fea, the skies and earth prefide,
Ye fountains whence all human bleffings flow,
Who pour your bounties on the world below ?
Bacchus firſt rais'd and prun'd the climbing vine,
And taught the grape to ftream with gen'rous wine; 20
Induſtrious Ceres tam'd the ſavage ground,
And pregnant fields with golden harvefts crown'd:
Flora with bloomy ſweets enrich'd the year,
And fruitful autumn in Pomona's care.
I firſt taught women to fubdue mankind,
And all her native charms with dreſs refin’d:
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Celeftial
The
41
FAN.
Celeſtial Synod, this machine ſurvey,
That ſhades the face, or bids cool Zephyrs play;
If conscious bluſhes on her cheek arife,
With this the veils them from her lover's eyes;
No levell'd glance betrays her am'rous heart,
From the fan's ambuſh ſhe directs the dart.
The royal fcepter fhines in Juno's hand,
And twiſted thunder fpeaks great Jove's command;
On Pallas' arm the Gorgon fhield appears,
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And Neptune's mighty grafp the trident bears:
Ceres is with the bending fickle feen,
And the ftrung bow points out the Cynthian Queen ;
Henceforth the waving fan my hands ſhall grace,
The waving fan fupply the fcepter's place.
40
Who fhall, ye Powers, the forming pencil hold?
What ſtory ſhall the wide machine unfold?
Let Loves and Graces lead the dance around,
With myrtle wreaths and flow'ry chaplets crown'd;
Let Cupid's arrows ftrow the fmiling plains
With unrefifting nymphs, and am'rous fwains :
May glowing picture o'er the furface fhine,
To melt flow virgins with the warm defign.
45
Diana rofe; with filver creſcent crown'd,
And fix'd her modeft eyes upon the ground ;
50
Then
1
42
FAN.
The
Then with becoming mien fhe rais'd her head,
And thus with graceful voice the virgin faid.
Has woman then forgot all former wiles,
The watchful ogle, and delufive ſmiles?
Does man againſt her charms too pow'rful prove,
Or are the fex grown novices in love?
Why then theſe arms? or why ſhould artful eyes,
From this flight ambuſh, conquer by ſurprize?
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No guilty thought the fpotlefs virgin knows,
And o'er her cheek no confcious crimſon glows;
60
Since blushes then from fhame alone ariſe,
Why ſhould we veil them from her lover's eyes?
Let Cupid rather give up his command,
And truft his arrows in a female hand.
Have not the Gods already cheriſh'd pride,
65
And women with deftructive arms ſupply'd ?
Neptune on her beſtows his choicet itores,
For her the chambers of the deep explores;
The gaping fhell its pearly charge refigns,
And round her neck the lucid bracelet twines:
70
Plutus for her bids earth its wealth unfold,
Where the warm oar is ripen'd into gold;
Or
The
43
FAN.
Or where the ruby reddens in the foil,
Where the green emerald pays the ſearcher's toil.
Does not the di'mond fparkle in her ear,
75
Glow on her hand, and tremble in her hair?
From the gay nymph the glancing luftre flies,
And imitates the lightning of her eyes.
But yet if Venus' wishes muft fucceed,
And this fantaſtick engine be decreed,
80
May ſome chafte ftory from the pencil flow,
To ſpeak the virgin's joy, and Hymen's woe.
Here let the wretched Ariadne ftand,
Seduc'd by Thefeus to fome defart land,
Her locks diſhevell'd waving in the wind,
The cryftal tears confefs her tortur'd mind;
The perjur'd youth unfurls his treach’rous fails,
And their white bofoms catch the fwelling gales.
Be ftill, ye winds, fhe crys, ftay, Thefeus, ſtay;
But faithless Thefeus hears no more than they.
All defp'rate, to fome craggy cliff fhe flies,
And ſpreads a well-known fignal in the skies;
His lefs'ning veffel plows the foamy main,
She fighs, fhe calls, fhe waves the fign in vain.
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Paint
44
FAN.
The
Paint Dido there amidſt her laſt diſtreſs,
Pale cheeks and blood-fhot eyes her grief exprefs;
Deep in her breaft the reeking fword is drown'd;
And gufhing blood ſtreams purple from the wound :
Her fifter Anna hov'ring o'er her ſtands,
Accuſes heav'n with lifted eyes and hands,
Upbraids the Trojan with repeated cries,
And mixes curfes with her broken fighs.
View this, ye maids; and then each ſwain believe ;
They're Trojans all, and vow but to deceive.
Here draw O Enone in the lonely grove,
Where Paris first betray'd her into love;
Let wither'd garlands hang on every bough,
Which the falfe youth wove for OEnone's brow,
The garlands loſe their ſweets, their pride is fhed,
And like their odours all his vows are fled;
On her fair arm her penfive head fhe lays,
And Xanthus' waves with mournful look furveys ;
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That flood which witneſs'd his inconftant flame,
When thus he ſwore, and won the yielding dame:
Thefe ftreams fhall fooner to their fountain move,
Than I forget my dear OEnone's love.
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Roll
The
45
FAN.
Roll back, ye ſtreams, back to your fountain run,
Paris is falfe, OEnone is undone.
120
Ah wretched maid! think how the moments flew,
Ere you the pangs of this curs'd paffion knew,
When groves could pleaſe, and when you lov'd the plain,
Without the preſence of your perjur'd fwain.
Thus may the nymph, whene'er ſhe ſpreads the fan,
In his true colours view perfidious man,
Pleas'd with her virgin ſtate in foreſts rove,
And never truft the dang'rous hopes of love.
The Goddeſs ended. Merry Momus rofe,
With fmiles and grins he waggiſh glances throws,
Then with a noify laugh foreftalls his joke,
Mirth flaſhes from his eyes while thus he spoke.
Rather let heavenly deeds be painted there,
And by your own examples teach the fair.
Let chafte Diana on the piece be ſeen,
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3
And the bright crefcent own the Cynthian Queen;
On Latmos' top fee young Endymion lies,
Feign'd fleep hath clos'd the bloomy lover's eyes,
135
See,
46
FAN.
The
See, to his foft embraces how ſhe ſteals,
And on his lips her warm careſſes ſeals ;
No more her hand the glitt'ring Jav'lin holds,
But round his neck her eager arms fhe folds.
Why are our fecrets by our bluſhes ſhown?
Virgins are virgins ftill----while 'tis unknown.
Here let her on fome flow'ry bank be laid,
140
Where meeting beeches weave a grateful ſhade,
Her naked bofom wanton treffes grace,
145
And glowing expectation paints her face,
O'er her fair limbs a thin looſe veil is ſpread,
Stand off, ye fhepherds; fear Acteon's head;
Let vig'rous Pan th' unguarded minute feize,
And in a fhaggy goat the virgin pleaſe.
Why are our fecrets by our bluſhes ſhown?
Virgins are virgins ftill---while 'tis unknown.
There with juſt warmth Aurora's paffion trace,
Let ſpreading crimſon ſtain her virgin face;
See Cephalus her wanton airs deſpiſe,
While the provokes him with defiring eyes;
To raiſe his paffion fhe diſplays her charms,
His modeft hand upon her bofom warms;
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Nor
The
47
FAN.
Nor looks, nor pray'rs, nor force his heart perfuade,
But with difdain he quits the rofy maid.
-
Here let diffolving Leda grace the toy,
Warm cheeks and heaving breaks reveal her joy ;
Beneath the preffing fwan fhe pants for air,
While with his flutt'ring wings he fans the fair.
There let all-conquering gold exert its pow'r,
And foften Danae in a glitt'ring fhow'r.
Would you warn beauty not to cheriſh pride,
Nor vainly in the treach'rous bloom confide,
On the machine the fage Minerva place,
With lineaments of wiſdom mark her face;
See, where the lies near fome tranfparent flood,
And with her pipe chears the refounding wood:
Her image in the floating glaſs ſhe ſpies,
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170
Her bloated cheeks, worn lips, and fhrivell'd eyes;
She breaks the guiltleſs pipe, and with diſdain
Its ſhatter'd ruins flings upon the plain.
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With a loud reed no more her cheek fhall fwell,
What, fpoil her face! no. Warbling ftrains farewel.
Shall arts, ſhall ſciences employ the fair?
Thoſe trifles are beneath Minerva's care,
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From
48
FAN.
The
From Venus let her learn the married life,
And all the virtuous duties of a wife.
Here on a couch extend the Cyprian dame,
Let her eye ſparkle with the glowing flame ;)
The God of war within her clinging arms,
Sinks on her lips, and kindles all her charms.
Paint limping Vulcan with a husband's care,
And let his brow the cuckold's honours wear;
Beneath the net the captive lovers place,
Their limbs entangled in a cloſe embrace.
Let theſe amours adorn the new machine,
And female nature on the piece be ſeen ;
So fhall the fair, as long as fans ſhall laſt,
Learn from your bright examples to be chaft.
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THE
F
THE
A
A
N.
POE M.
T
BOOK III.
HUS Momus fpoke. When fage Minerva
rofe,
From her ſweet lips fmooth elocution
flows,
Her skilful hand an iv'ry pallet grac'd,
Where fhining colours were in order plac'd.
VOL. I.
D
AS
50
FAN.
The
As Gods are blefs'd with a fuperior skill,
And, ſwift as mortal thought, perform their will,
Straight ſhe propoſes, by her art divine,
To bid the paint expreſs her great defign.
Th' affembled Pow'rs confent. She now began,
And her creating pencil ftain'd the fan.
O'er the fair field, trees fpread, and rivers flow,
Tow'rs rear their heads, and diftant mountains grow;
Life ſeems to move within the glowing veins,
And in each face fome lively paffion reigns.
S
10
Thus have I ſeen woods, hills and dales appear, 15
Flocks graze the plains, birds wing the filent air
In darken'd Rooms, where light can only paſs
Thro' the fmall circle of a convex glaſs ;
On the white ſheet the moving figures rife,
The forest waves, clouds float along the skies.
She various Fables on the piece defign'd,
That ſpoke the follies of the female kind.
The fate of Pride in Niobe fhe drew:
Be wife, ye nymphs, that fcornful vice fubdue :
20
In
1
The
احتك
FAN.
5E
In a wide plain th' imperious mother ftood,
Whoſe diſtant bounds rofe in a winding wood;
Upon her ſhoulder flows her mantling hair,
Pride marks her brow, and elevates her air;
A purple robe behind her ſweeps the ground,
Whofe fpacious border golden flow'rs furround:
She made Latona's altars ceaſe to flame,
And of due honours robb'd her facred name,
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To her own charms fhe bade freſh incenſe riſe,
And adoration own her brighter eyes.
Sev'n daughters from her fruitful loyns were born, 35
Sev'n graceful Sons her nuptial bed adorn,
Who, for a mother's arrogant difdain,
Were by Latona's double offspring flain.
Here Phœbus his unerring arrow drew,
And from his rifing fteed her firſt-born threw,
His op'ning fingers drop the flacken'd rein,
And the pale corfe falls headlong to the plain.
Beneath her pencil here two wreſtlers bend,
See, to the graſp their fwelling nerves diftend,
Diana's arrow joins them face to face,
48.
45
And death unites them in a ſtrict embrace.
Another here flies trembling o'er the plain;
When heav'n purſues we fhun the ftroke in vain.
1
D =
This
52
FAN.
The
This lifts his fupplicating hands and eyes,
And 'midſt his humble adoration dies.
As from his thigh this tears the barbed dart,
A furer weapon ftrikes his throbbing heart:
While that to raiſe his wounded brother tries,
Death blaſts his bloom, and locks his frozen eyes.
The tender fifters bath'd in grief appear,
With fable garments and diſhevell'd hair,
And o'er their grafping brothers weeping ſtood;
Some with their treffes ftopt the guſhing blood,
They ſtrive to ſtay the fleeting life too late,
And in the pious action ſhare their fate.
Now the proud dame o'ercome by trembling fear,
50
55
60
With her wide robe protects her only care;
To fave her only care in vain ſhe tries,
Cloſe at her feet the lateſt victim dies.
Down her fair cheek the trickling forrow flows,
65
Like dewy ſpangles on the bluſhing roſe,
Fixt in aſtoniſhment fhe weeping ftood,
The plain all purple with her children's blood;
She ſtiffens with her woes; no more her hair
In cafy ringlets wantons in the air;
70
Motion forfakes her eyes, her veins are dry'd,
And beat no longer with the fanguine tide;
All
The
53
FAN
All life is fled, firm marble now the grows,
Which ſtill in tears the mother's anguiſh ſhows.
Ye haughty fair, your painted fans difplay,
And the juft fate of lofty pride furvey;
Though lovers oft extol your beauty's power,
And in celeftial fimilies adore,
75
Though from your features Cupid borrows arms,
And Goddeffes confefs inferior charms,
80
Do not, vain Maid, the flatt'ring tale believe,
Alike thy lovers and thy glaſs deceive.
Here lively colours Procris' paffion tell,
Who to her jealous fears a victim fell.
Here kneels the trembling hunter o'er his wife,
.85
H
Who rolls her fick'ning eyes, and gafps for life
Her drooping head upon her ſhoulder lies,
And purple gore her fnowy bofom dies.
What guilt, what horror, on his face appears!
See, his red eye-lid ſeems to fwell with tears,
With agony his wringing hands he ſtrains,
And ſtrong convulfions ftretch his branching veins.
Learn hence, ye wives; bid vain fufpicion ceaſe,
Loſe not in fullen diſcontent your peace.
D 3
go
For
54
FAN.
The
For when fierce love to jealoufy ferments,
A thouſand doubts and fears the foul invents,
No more the days in pleaſing converſe flow,
And nights no more their ſoft endearments know.
There on the piece the Volfcian Queen expir'd,
The love of ſpoils her female boſom fir'd;
Gay Chloreus' arms attract her longing eyes,
And for the painted plume and helm fhe fighs;
Fearleſs the follows, bent on gaudy prey,
Till an ill-fated dart obftructs her way;
95
100
Down drops the martial maid; the bloody ground, 105
Floats with a torrent from the purple wound.
The mournful nymphs her drooping head fuftain,
And try to ſtop the guſhing life in vain.
Thus the raw maid ſome tawdry coat furveys,
Where the fop's fancy in embroidery plays;
His fnowy feather edg'd with crimſon dyes,
And his bright ſword-knot lure her wandring eyes;
Fring'd gloves and gold brocade conſpire to move,
Till the nymph falls a facrifice to love.
110
Here young Narciffus o'er the fountain ſtood,
115
And view'd his image in the cryftal flood;
The
The
55
FAN.
The cryſtal flood reflects his lovely charms,
And the pleas'd image ſtrives to meet his arms.
No nymph his unexperienc'd breaft fubdu'd,
Echo in vain the flying boy purſu’d,
Himſelf alone the foolish youth admires,
And with fond look the ſmiling ſhade defires:
O'er the ſmooth lake with fruitleſs tears he grieves,
His fpreading fingers fhoot in verdant leaves,
Through his pale veins green fap now gently flows,
And in a ſhort-liv'd flow'r his beauty blows.
Let vain Narciffus warn each female breaſt,
That beauty's but a tranfient good at beſt.
Like flow'rs it withers with th' advancing year,
And age like winter robs the blooming fair.
Oh Araminta, ceaſe thy wonted pride,
No longer in thy faithleſs charms confide;
E'en while the glafs reflects thy fparkling eyes,
Their luftre and thy rofy colour flies!
Thus on the fan the breathing figures fhine,.
And all the pow'rs applaud the wiſe deſign.
The Cyprian Queen the painted gift receives,
And with a grateful bow the fynod leaves,
D 4
120
126
1
130
135
To
56
FAN.
The
To the low World ſhe bends her ſteepy way
Where Strephon pafs'd the folitary day;
She found him in a melancholy grove,
His down-caft eyes betray'd defponding love,
The wounded bark confeſs'd his flighted flame,
And ev'ry tree bore falſe Corinna's name ;
In a cool ſhade he lay with folded Arms,
Curfes his fortune, and upbraids her charms,
When Venus to his wondring eyes appears,
And with theſe words relieves his am'rous cares.
Rife, happy youth, this bright machine furvey,
Whoſe rattling sticks my buſy fingers ſway,
This preſent ſhall thy cruel charmer move,.
And in her fickle bofom kindle love.
149
145
150
The fan fhall flutter in all female hands,
And various faſhions learn from various lands.
For this, fhall elephants their ivory fhed;
155
And poliſh'd ſticks the waving engine ſpread :
His clouded mail the tortoife fhall refign,
And round the rivet pearly circles ſhine.
On this fhall Indians all their art employ,
And with bright colours ftain the gaudy toy ;
160
Their
The
57
FAN.
Their paint ſhall here in wildeſt fancies flow,
Their drefs, their cuftoms, their religion ſhow,
So fhall the British fair their minds improve,
And on the fan to diftant climates rove.
Here China's ladies fhall their pride diſplay,
And filver figures gild their looſe array ;
This boafts her little feet and winking eyes;
That tunes the fife, or tinkling cymbal plies :-
Here croſs-leg'd nobles in rich ſtate ſhall dine,
There in bright mail diſtorted heroes ſhine.
The peeping fan in modern times ſhall riſe,
Through which unfeen the female ogle flies;
This fhall in temples the fly maid conceal,
And ſhelter love beneath devotion's veil.
Gay France fhall make the fan her artiſt's care,
And with the costly trinket arm the fair.
165
170
175
As learned orators that touch the heart,
With various action raiſe their foothing art,
Both head and hand affect the lift'ning throng,
And humour each expreffion of the tongue.
180
So fhall each paffion by the fan be feen,
From noify anger to the fullen fpleen.
While Venus fpoke, joy fhone in Strephon's eyes,
Proud of the gift, he to Corinna flies,
D 5
But
58
FAN.
The
But Cupid (who delights in am'rous ill,
Wounds hearts, and leaves them to a woman's will)
With certain aim a golden arrow drew,
Which to Leander's panting bofom flew:
185
Leander lov'd; and to the fprightly dame
In gentle fighs reveal'd his growing flame;
1.90/
Sweet fmiles Corinna to his fighs returns,
And for the fop in equal paffion burns..
Lo Strephon comes! and with a ſuppliant bow,
Offers the prefent, and renews his vow.
When ſhe the fate of Niobe beheld,
Why has my pride againſt my heart rebell'd?
She fighing cry'd: Difdain forfook her breaſt,
And Strephon now was thought a worthy gueſt.
In Procris' bofom when ſhe ſaw the dart
She juftly blames her own fufpicious heart,
Imputes her diſcontent to jealous fear,
And knows her Strephon's conftancy ſincere.
When on Camilla's fate her eye ſhe turns,
No more for fhow and equipage fhe burns;
1.95
200
&
She
Take
59
FAN.
She learns Leander's paffion to defpife,
And looks on merit with difcerning eyes.
Narciffus' change to the vain virgin fhows,
Who trufts to beauty, trufts the fading rofe.
Youth flies apace, with youth your beauty flies,
Love then, ye virgins, ere the bloffom dies.
205
210
Thus Pallas taught her. Strephon weds the dame,
And Hymen's torch diffus'd the brightest flame.
C
1
THE
THE
SHEPHERD'S Week.
IN
SIX PASTORALS.
Libeat mihi fordida rura,
Atque humiles babitare cafas.
Virg.
THE
PROE ME
To the Courteous
READ E R.
G
REAT marvell bath it been,
(and that not unworthily to di
verfe worthy wits,) that in this
our Iſland of Britain, in all rare
fciences fo greatly abounding, more
efpecially in all kinds of Poefie highly flouriſh-
ing, no Poet (though otherways of notable
cunning in roundelays) bath hit on the right
Simple Eclogue after the true ancient guiſe of
Theocritus, before this my attempt.
Other Poet travailing in this plain high-
way of Paftoral know I none. Yet, certes,
fuck
The PRO EM E.
fuch it behoveth a Paftoral to be, as nature
in the country affordeth; and the manners
alfo meetly copied from the ruftical folk there-
in. In this alfo my love to my native country
Britain much pricketh me forward, to defcribe
aright the manners of our own honeft and la-
borious plough-men, in no wife fure more un-
worthy a British Poet's imitation, than thoſe of
Sicily or Arcadie; albeit, not ignorant I am,
what a rout and rabblement of critical galli-
mawfry bath been made of late days by certain
young men of infipid delicacy, concerning, I
wift not what, Golden Age, and other out-
ragious conceits, to which they would confine
Paftoral. Whereof, I avow, I account nought
at all, knowing no age fo justly to be inftiled
Golden, as this of our Sovereign Lady Queen
ANNE.
This idle trumpery (only fit for Schools and
Schoolboys) unto that ancient Dorick Shepherd
Theocritus, or his mates, was never known ;
be rightly, throughout his fifth Idyll, maketh
his louts give foul language, and behold their
goats at rut in all fimplicity.
ΩπόλΘ ὅκκ᾿ ἐσορῆ τὰς μηκάδας οἷα βατοῦντι
Τακες ὀφθαλμῶς ὅτι ἐ τράγΘ αὐτὸς ἔγνετο. Theoc.
Verily, as little pleafance receiveth a true
homebred tafte, from all the fine finical new-
fangled
The PRO E ME.
fangled fooleries of this gay Gothic garniture,
wherewith they ſo nicely bedeck their court clowns,
or clown courtiers, (for, which to call them
rightly, I wot not) as would a prudent citizen
journeying to his country farms, ſhould be find them
occupied by people of this motley make, inſtead of
plain downright hearty cleanly folk, fuch as be
now tenants to the Burgeſſes of this realme.
Furthermore, it is my purpose, gentle rea-
der, to fet before thee, as it were a picture,
or rather lively landschape of thy own country,
just as thou mightest fee it, dideft thou take a
walk into the fields at the proper season:
even as maister Milton bath elegantly fet
forth the fame.
As one who long in populous city pent,
Where houſes thick and fewers annoy the air,
Forth iſſuing on a ſummer's morn to breathe
Among the pleaſant villages and farms
Adjoin'd, from each thing met conceives delight;
The ſmell of grain or tedded graſs or kine
Or dairie, each rural fight, each rural ſound.
Thou wilt not find my shepherdeffes idly piping
on oaten reeds, but milking the kine, tying up the
Sheaves, or if the bogs are aftray driving them
to their fyes. My Shepherd gathereth none other
nofegays but what are the growth of our own
fields,
The PRO E ME.
fields, he fleepeth not under myrtle fhades, but
under a hedge, nor doth be vigilantly defend his
flocks from wolves, because there are none, as
maifter Spencer well obferveth.
Well is known that fince the Saxon King
Never was wolf feen, many or ſome
Nor in all Kent nor in chriftendom.
For as much, as I have mentioned maister
Spencer, foothly I must acknowledge him a bard
of fweetest memorial. Yet bath his ſhepherd".
boy at some times raiſed his ruftick reed to
rhimes more rumbling than rural. Diverse
grave points alfo bath he handled of churchly
matter and doubts in religion daily arifing,
to great clerks only appertaining. What liketh
me beft are his names, indeed right fimple and
meet for the country, ſuch as Lobbin, Cuddy,
Hobbinol, Diggon, and others, fome of which
I have made bold to borrow. Moreover, as he
called his Eclogues, the fhepherd's calendar,
and divided the fame into the twelve months,
I have chofen (peradventure not over-rably)
to name mine by the days of the week,
omitting Sunday or the Sabbath, ours being
Suppoſed to be christian Shepherds, and to be
then at church worship. Yet further of many
of
The PRO E ME.
of maister Spencer's eclogues it may be ob-
ferved; though months they be called, of the
faid months therein, nothing is ſpecified; where-
in I have alfo esteemed him worthy mine imi-
tation.
That principally, courteous reader, whereof
I would have thee to be advertised, (feeing I de-
part from the vulgar usage) is touching the
language of my shepherds; which is, foothly to
fay, fuch as is neither spoken by the country
maiden or the courtly dame; nay not only fuch
as in the prefent times is not uttered, but was
never uttered in times past; and, if I judge
aright, will never be uttered in times future.
It having too much of the country to be fit for
the court, too much of the court to be fit for the
country; too much of the language of old times
to be fit for the prefent, too much of the pre-
fent to have been fit for the old, and too much
of both to be fit for any time to come. Granted
alfo it is, that in this my language, I feem unto
my ſelf, as a London mafon, who calculateth
his work for a term of years, when he buildetk
with old materials upon a ground-rent that is
not his own, which foon turneth to rubbiſh and
ruins. For this point, no reason can I alledge,
only deep learned enfamples having led me there-
unto.
But
The PRO E ME.
But here again, much comfort arifeth in me,
from the hopes, in that I conceive, when theſe
words in the courfe of tranfitory things shall de-
cay, it may fo hap, in meet time that fome
lover of Simplicity shall arife, who ſhall have
the hardiness to render thefe mine eclogues into
fuch more modern dialect as ſhall be then un-
derstood, to which end, gloſſes and explications
of uncouth pastoral terms are annexed.
Gentle reader, turn over the leaf, and enter-
tain thy felf with the prospect of thine own coun-
try, limned by the painful band of
thy loving Countryman,
JOHN GAY.
PRO-
PROLOGUE
To the Right Honourable the
Lord Viſcount BOLINGBROKE.
O, I who erft beneath a tree
Sung Bumkinet and Bowzybee,
And Blouzelind and Marian bright,
In apron blue or apron white,
Now write my fonnets in a book,
For my good lord of Bolingbroke.
As lads and laffes ftood around
To hear my boxen haut-boy found,
Our Clerk came poſting o'er the green
With doleful tidings of the Queen;
That
70
PROLOGUE.
That Queen, he ſaid, to whom we owe
Sweet Peace that maketh riches flow;
That Queen who eas'd our tax of late,
Was dead, alas !
and lay in ſtate.
At this, in tears was Cicly feen,
Buxoma tore her pinners clean,
In doleful dumps ftood ev'ry clown,
The parfon rent his band and gown.
For me, when as I heard that death
Had fnatch'd Queen ANNE to Elzabeth,
I broke my reed, and fighing ſwore
I'd weep for Blouzelind no more.
While thus we ſtood as in a ſtound,
And wet with tears, like dew, the ground,
Full foon by bonfire and by bell
We learnt our Liege was paffing well.
A skilful leach (fo God him ſpeed)
They ſay had wrought this bleffed deed,
This leach Arbuthnot was yclept,
Who many a night not once had flept;
But
PROLOGUE.
71
But watch'd our gracious Sov'reign ftill:
For who could reft when ſhe was ill?
Oh, may'ſt thou henceforth ſweetly fleep!
Sheer, fwains, oh fheer your fofteſt ſheep
To fwell his couch; for well I ween,
He fav'd the realm who fav'd the Queen.
Quoth I, pleaſe God, I'll hye with glee
To court, this Arbuthnot to ſee.
I fold my ſheep and lambkins too,
For filver loops and garment blue :
My boxen haut-boy fweet of found,
For lace that edg'd mine hat around
For Lightfoot and my fcrip I got
A gorgeous fword, and eke a knot.
So forth I far'd to court with ſpeed,
Of foldier's drum withouten dreed;
For Peace allays the fhepherd's fear
Of wearing cap of Granadier.
There faw I ladies all a-row
Before their Queen in feemly fhow.
M
No
72
PROLOGUE.
No more I'll fing Buxoma brown,
Like goldfinch in her Sunday gown;
Nor Clumfilis, nor Marian bright,
Nor damfel that Hobnelia hight.
But Landſdown freſh as flow'r of May,
And Berkely lady blithe and gay,
And Angleſey whofe fpeech exceeds
The voice of pipe, or oaten reeds;
And blooming Hyde, with eyes fo rare,
And Montague beyond compare..
Such ladies fair wou'd I depaint
In roundelay or fonnet quaint.
There many a worthy wight I've feen
In ribbon blue and ribbon green.
As Oxford, who a wand doth bear,
Like Mofes in our Bibles fair;
Who for our traffick forms defigns,
And gives to Britain Indian mines.
Now, fhepherds, clip your fleecy care,
Ye maids, your ſpinning-wheels prepare,
Ye weavers all your fhuttles throw,
And bid broad-cloths and ferges grow,
For
PROLOGU E.
73
For trading free ſhall thrive again,
Nor leafings leud affright the fwain.
There faw I St. John, fweet of mein,
Full ftedfaft both to Church and Queen.
With whoſe fair name I'll deck my ſtrain,
St. John right courteous to the fwain ;
For thus he told me on a day,
Trim are thy fonnets, gentle Gay,
And certes, mirth it were to fee
Thy joyous madrigals twice three,
With preface meet, and notes profound,
Imprinted fair, and well y-bound.
All fuddenly then home I fped,
And did ev'n as my Lord had faid.
Lo here, thou haft mine Eclogues fair,
But let not theſe detain thine ear.
Let not affairs of States and Kings
Wait, while our Bowzybens fings.
Rather than verſe of ſimple ſwain
Shou'd stay the trade of France or Spain,
VOL. I.
F
Or
74
PROLOGUE,
I
Or for the plaint of Parfon's maid,
Yon' Emp'ror's packets be delay'd;
In footh, I swear by holy Paul,
I'd burn book, preface, notes and all.
ΜΟΝΟ ΛΥ,
*
MONDAY;
OR, THE
SQUA B B L E.
Lobbin Clout, Cuddy, Cloddipole.
LOBBIN CLO U T.
HY younglings, Cuddy, are but juſt awake,
No thruſtles fhrill the bramble bufh forfake;
No chirping lark the welkin fheen invokes ;
No damfel yet the fwelling udder ftrokes ;
O'er yonder hill does fcant the dawn appear,
Then why does Cuddy leave his cott ſo rear?
Line
5
3. Welkin the fame as Welken, an old Saxon Word fignifying
a Cloud; by poetical licence it is frequently taken for the
Element or Sky, as may appear by this verfe in the Dream
of Chaucer.
Ne in all the Welkin was no cloud.
Sheen or Shine, an old Word for fhining or bright.
5. Scant, uſed in the ancient British authors for ſcarce.
6. Rear, an expreffion in ſeveral counties of England, for early
in the morning.
E 2
CUD D 1:
76
First PASTORAL.
CUDDY.
Ah Lobbin Clout! I ween my plight is gueſt,
For he that loves, a ſtranger is to reſt;
If ſwans belye not, thou haſt prov'd the ſmart,
And Blouzelinda's miſtreſs of thy heart.
This rifing rear betokeneth well thy mind,
Thofe arms are folded for thy Blouzelind.
And well, I trow, our piteous plights agree,
Thee Blouzelinda fmites, Buxoma me.
LOBBIN CLO U T.
CLOUT.
Ah Blouzelind! I love thee more by half,
Than does their fawns, or cows the new-fall'n calf:
Woe worth the tongue! may blifters fore it gall,
That names Buxoma, Blouzelind withal..
CUDDY.
Hold, witlefs Lobbin Clout, I thee advife,
Left blifters fore on thy own tongue ariſe.
Lo yonder Cloddipole, the blithſome ſwain,
The wifeft lout of all the neighbouring plain!
From Cloddipole we learnt to read the skies,
To know when hail will fall, or winds ariſe.
7. To wcen, derived from the Saxon, to think or conceive.
10
20
He
The S QUA B B LE.
77
25
He taught us erſt the heifer's tail to view,
When ftuck aloft, that ſhow'rs would ſtraight enfue;
He firft that uſeful fecret did explain,
That pricking corns foretold the gath'ring rain.
When fwallows fleet foar high and ſport in air,
He told us that the Welkin would be clear,
Let Cloddipole then hear us twain rehearſe,
And praiſe his ſweetheart in alternate verſe.
I'll wager this fame oaken Яaff with thee,
That Cloddipole ſhall give the prize to me.
LOBBIN CLOU T.
30
See this tobacco-pouch that's lin'd with hair,
35
Made of the skin of fleekeft fallow deer.
This pouch, that's ty'd with tape of reddeſt hue,
I'll wager, that the prize fhall be my due.
CUDD 2.
Begin thy carrols then, thou vaunting flouch,
Be thine the oaken ſtaff, or mine the pouch.
LOBBIN CLOUT.
My Blouzelinda is the blitheft lafs,
Than primroſe ſweeter, or the clover-grafs,
**
25. erſt, a contraction of ere this, it ſignifies ſometime ago
or formerly.
E 3.
Fair
78
PASTORAL.
First
Fair is the king-cup that in meadow blows,
Fair is the daifie that befide her grows,
Fair is the gilly-flow'r, of gardens ſweet,
45
Fair is the mary-gold, for pottage meet.
But Blouzelind's than gilly-flow'r more fair,
Than daifie, mary-gold, or king-cup rare.
CUDDY.
My brown Buxoma is the feateſt maid,
That e'er at Wake delightfome gambol play'd.
Clean as young lambkins or the goofe's down,
And like the goldfinch in her Sunday gown.
The witleſs lamb may fport upon the plain,
The frisking kid delight the gaping fwain,
50
The wanton calf may skip with many a bound,
55
And my cur Tray play defteft feats around;
But neither lamb nor kid, nor calf nor Tray,
Dance like Buxoma on the firſt of May.
LOBBIN CLOU T.
Sweet is my toil when Blouzelind is near,
Of her bereft 'tis winter all the year.
With her no fultry fummer's heat I know;
In winter, when ſhe's nigh, with love I glow.
60
56. Deft, an old word fignifying brisk or nimble..
Come,
The SQUABBLE.
79
Come, Blouzelinda, eafe thy fwain's defire,
My fummer's ſhadow and my winter's fire!
CUD Dr.
As with Buxoma once I work'd at hay,
E'en noon-tide labour feem'd an holiday;
And holidays, if haply fhe were gone,
Like worky-days I wiſh would foon be done.
Eftfoon, O fweet-heart kind, my love repay,
And all the year ſhall then be holiday.
LOBBIN CLOUT.
As Blouzelinda in a gamefome mood,
Behind a haycock loudly laughing ſtood,
I flily ran, and ſnatch'd a haſty kiſs,
She wip'd her lips, nor took it much amifs.
Believe me, Cuddy, while I'm bold to fay,
Her Breath was ſweeter than the ripen'd hay.
CUDDY.
As my Buxoma in a morning fair,
With gentle finger ftroak'd her milky care,
65
70
75
69. Eftloons from eft an ancient Britiſh word fignifying foon.
So that eftfoons is a doubling of the word foon, which is,
as it were, to say twice foon, or very foon.
E 4
I
80
Firft PASTORAL.
I queintly ftole a kifs; at first, 'tis true
She frown'd, yet after granted one or two.
Lobbin, I fwear, believe who will my vows,
Her breath by far excell'd the breathing cows.
LOBBIN CLOU T.
Leek to the Welch, to Dutchmen butter's dear,
Of Irish fwains potatoe is the chear;
Oats for their feafts, the Scotish fhepherds grind,
Sweet turnips are the food of Blouzelind..
While ſhe loves turnips, butter I'll defpife,
Nor leeks nor oatmeal, nor potatoe prize.
CUDDY.
In good roast-beef my landlord fticks his knife,
The capon fat delights his dainty wife,
Pudding our Parfon eats, the Squire loves hare,
But white-pot thick is my Buxoma's fare.
80
85
90
79. Queint has various fignifications in the ancient English
authors. I have uſed it in this place in the ſame ſenſe as
Chaucer hath done in his Miller's Tale. As Clerkes
been full fubtle and queint, (by which he means arch or
waggiſh) and not in that obscene fenfe wherein he uſeth it
in the line immediately following.
83. Populus Alcida gratiſſima, vitis laccho,
Formofa Myrtus Veneri, fua Laurea Phœbo.
Phillis amat Corylos. Illas dum Phillis amabit,
Nec Myrtus vincet Corylos nec Laurea Phabi, &c. Virg.
While
The SQUAB BLE.
81
While ſhe loves white-pot, capon ne'er ſhall be,
Nor hare, nor beef, nor pudtling, food for me.
•
LOBBIN CLOUT.
As once I play'd at Blindman's-Buff, it hapt
About my eyes the towel thick was wrapt.
I mifs'd the fwains, and feiz'd on Blouzelind.
True ſpeaks that ancient proverb, Love is blind.
CUDDY.
As at Hot-cockles once I laid me down,
And felt the weighty hand of many a Clown;
Buxoma gave a gentle tap, and I
Quick rofe, and read ſoft miſchief in her eye.
LOBBIN CLOU T.
On two near Elms, the flacken'd cord I hung,
Now high, now low my Blouzelinda fwung.
With the rude wind her rumpled garment rofe,
And ſhow'd her taper leg, and fcarlet hofe.
CUDDY.
Acroſs the fallen oak the plank I laid,
And my felf pois'd against the tott'ring maid,
High leapt the plank; adown Buxoma fell;
I ſpy'd ----- but faithful ſweethearts never tell.
E S
95
100
105
110.
LOB
$2
First PASTORAL.
LOBBIN CLOU T.
This riddle, Cuddy, if thou canft, explain,
This wily riddle puzzles ev'ry ſwain.
、
↑ What Flower is that which bears the Virgin's name,
The richest metal joined with the fame ?
CUD Dr.
Anſwer, thou Carle, and judge this riddle right, 115:
I'll frankly own thee for a cunning Wight.
* What Flower is that which royal honour craves ?
Adjoin the Virgin, and 'tis ftrown on graves.
CLOD DIPOL E.
Forbear contending louts, give o'er your frains,
An oaken ſtaff each merits for his pains.
But fee the fun-beams bright to labour warn,
And gild the thatch of goodman Hodges' barn.
Your herds for want of water ftand adry,
They're weary of your fongs
+ Marygold
and fo am I.
* Rosemary.
117. Dic quibus in terris infcripti nomina Regum
Nafcantur flores.
x20. Et vitala tu dignus & bic.
Virg.
Virg
120.
TUESDAY;
TUESDAY;
OR, THE
DITT Y.
MARIA N.
OUNG Colin Clout, a lad of peerleſs meed,
Full well could dance, and deftly tune the
reed;
In ev'ry wood his carrols fweet were known,
At ev'ry wake his nimble feats were ſhown.
When in the ring the ruſtick routs he threw,
The damfels pleaſures with his conqueſts grew;
Or when aflant the cudgel threats his head,
His danger fmites the breaft of ev'ry maid,
But chief of Marian. Marian lov'd the ſwain,
The Parſon's maid, and neateſt of the plain.
Marian that foft could ſtroke the udder'd cow,
Or leffen with her fieve the barley mow ;
5
10
Marbled
84
Second PASTORAL.
Marbled with fage the hard'ning cheeſe ſhe prefs'd,
And yellow butter Marian's skill confeſs'd;
But Marian now devoid of country cares,
Nor yellow butter nor fage cheeſe prepares.
For yearning love the witlefs maid employs,
And Love, fay fwains, all buſy heed destroys.
Colin makes mock at all her piteous fmart,
A lafs that Cicly hight, had won his heart,
Cicly the weſtern lafs that tends the kee,
The rival of the Parfon's maid was fhe.
In dreary ſhade now Marian lies along,
And mixt with fighs thus wails in plaining fong.
Ah woful day! ah woful noon and morn!
15
When firft by thee my younglings white were fhorn,
Then first, I ween, I caſt a lover's eye,
My ſheep were filly, but more filly I.
Beneath the fhears they felt no lafting ſmart,
20
25
They loft but fleeces while I loft a heart.
Ah Colin! canft thou leave thy Sweetheart true!
What I have done for thee will Cicly do?
21, Kee, a Weſt-Country Word for Kine or Cows;
1
30
Will
The DITTY.
85
Will ſhe thy linen waſh or hoſen darn,
And knit thee gloves made of her own-ſpun yarn?
Will the with hufwife's hand provide thy meat,
And ev'ry Sunday morn thy neckloth plait ?
Which o'er thy kerfey doublet ſpreading wide,
In fervice time drew Cic'ly's eyes afide.
Where e'er I gad I cannot hide my care,
My new diſaſters in my look appear.
White as the curd my ruddy cheek is grown,
So thin my features that I'm hardly known;
Our neighbours tell me oft in joking talk
Of afhes, leather, oatmeal, bran, and chalk;
Unwittingly of Marian they devine,
And wift not that with thoughtful love I pine.
Yet Colin Clout, untoward fhepherd fwain,
Walks whiſtling blithe, while pitiful I plain.
Whilom with thee 'twas Marian's dear delight
35
40
45
To moil all day, and merry-make at night,
If in the foil you guide the crooked ſhare,
50
Your early breakfaſt is my conftant care.
And when with even hand you ſtrow the grain,
I fright the thievifh rooks from off the plain.
In
86
Second PASTORAL,
In mifling days when I my threſher heard,
With nappy beer I to the barn repair'd;
Loft in the mufick of the whirling flail,
To gaze on thee I left the ſmoking pail :
In harveſt when the Sun was mounted high,
My leathern bottle did thy drought ſupply;
Whene'er you mow'd I follow'd with the rake,
And have full oft been fun-burnt for thy fake;
When in the welkin gath'ring fhow'rs were ſeen,
I lagg'd the laſt with Colin on the green ;
And when at eve returning with thy carr,
Awaiting heard the jingling bells from far;
Straight on the fire the footy pot I plac't,
To warm thy broth. I burnt my hands for hafte.
When hungry thou ſtood'ſt ſtaring, like an Oaf,
I flic'd the luncheon from the barley loaf,
With crumbled bread I thicken'd well thy meſs.
Ah, love me more, or love thy pottage leſs?
Laft Friday's eve, when as the fun was fet,
55
60.
65
༢༠
I, near yon ftile, three fallow gypfies met,
Upon my hand they caft a poring look,
Bid me beware, and thrice their heads they ſhook ;
75
They
The DITT Y.
87
They faid that many croffes I must prove,
Some in my worldly gain, but moſt in love.
Next morn I miſs'd three hens and our old cock,
And off the hedge two pinners and a fmock,
I bore theſe loffes with a chriſtian mind,
And no miſhap could feel, while thou wert kind.
But fince, alas! I grew my Colin's ſcorn,
80
I've known no pleaſure, night, or noon, or morn.
85
Help me, ye gypfies, bring him home again,
And to a conftant laſs give back her ſwain,
Have I not fate with thee full many a night,
When dying embers were our only light,
When ev'ry creature did in flumbers lie,
Befides our cat, my Colin Clout, and I?
No troublous thoughts the cat or Colin move,
While I alone am kept awake by love.
90
Remember, Colin, when at last year's wake;
I bought the cofly preſent for thy fake,
Couldst thou ſpell o'er the pofy on thy knife,
And with another change thy ftate of life?
If thou forget'ft, I wot, I can repeat,
My memory can tell the verſe ſo ſweet.
9.5
As
88
Second PASTORAL.
As this is grav'd upon this Knife of thine,
So is thy image on this Heart of mine.
But woe is me! Such prefents luckle's prove,
For Knives, they tell me, always fever Love.
Thus Marian wail'd, her eyes with tears brimfull,
When Goody Dobbins brought her cow to bull,
With apron blue to dry her tears ſhe fought,
Then faw the cow well ferv'd, and took a groat.
100
105
1
WE D.
WEDNESDAY;
OR, THE
*DUMP S.
T
SPARA BELLA.
HE wailings of a maiden I recite,
A maiden fair that Sparabella hight.
Such ftrains ne'er warble in the linnet's
throat,
Nor the gay goldfinch chaunts fo fweet a note.
* Dumps, or Dumbs, made use of to express a fit of the Sullens.
Some have pretended that it is derived from Dumops, a King of
Egypt, that built a Pyramid and dy'd of Melancholy. So Mopes
after the fame manner is thought to have come from Merops,
another Egyptian King that dy'd of the fame distemper; but
our English Antiquaries have conjectured that Dumps, which
is, a grievous heaviness of ſpirits, comes from the word
Dumplin, the heaviest kind of pudding that is eaten in this
country, much uſed in Norfolk, and other counties of England.
No
!
90
PASTORAL.
Third
No mag-pye chatter'd, nor the painted jay,
No ox was heard to low, nor aſs to bray.
No rufling breezes play'd the leaves among,
While thus her madrigal the damfel fung.
A while, O Durfey, lend an ear or twain,
Nor, though in homely guife, my verſe diſdain;
Whether thou feek'ſt new kingdoms in the fun,
Whether thy mufe does at Newmarket run,
Or does with goffips at a feaft regale,
And heighten her conceits with fack and ale,
Or elfe at wakes with Joan and Hodge rejoice,
Where D'Urfey's lyricks fwell in ev'ry voice;
Yet fuffer me, thou bard of wond'rous meed,
Amid thy bays to weave this rural weed.
Line s. Immemor Herbarum quos eft mirata juvenca
Certantes, quorum ftupefacta carmine Lynces;
Et mutata fuos requierunt flumina curfus.
9. Tu mihi feu magni fuperas jam faxa Timavi,
Sive oram Illyrici legis aquoris
5
10
15
Virg.
II. An Opera written by this Author, called the World
in the Sun, or the Kingdom of Birds; he is alſo famous
for his Song on the Newmarket Horſe-Race, and feve.
ral others that are sung by the British Swains.
17. Meed, an old Word for Fame or Renown,
18. ------- Hanc fine tempora circum
Inter victrices ederam tibi ferpere lauros,
Now
The DUMP S.
91
Now the Sun drove adòwn the weſtern road,
And oxen laid at reft forget the goad,
The clown fatigu'd trudg'd homeward with his fpade,
Acroſs the meadows ftretch'd the lengthen'd ſhade :
When Sparabella penfive and forlorn,
Alike with yearning love and labour worn,
20
Lean'd on her rake, and ſtraight with doleful guife 25
Did this fad plaint in moanful notes deviſe.
Come night as dark as pitch, furround my head,
From Sparabella Bumkinet is fled;
The ribbon that his val'rous cudgel won,
Laft Sunday happier Clumfilis put on.
Sure if he'd eyes (but Love, they fay, has none)
I whilom by that ribbon had been known.
Ah, well-a-day! I'm fhent with baneful fmart,
For with the ribbon he beſtow'd his heart.
30
My plaint, ye laſſes, with this burthen aid,
'Tis hard fo true-a damfel dies a maid.
35
25. Incumbens tereti Damon fic cæpit Oliva.
33. Shent, an old word fignifying hurt or harmed.
Shall
92
Third PASTORA L.
Shall heavy Clumfilis with me compare?
View this, ye lovers, and like me det̃pair.
Her blubber'd lip by ſmutty pipes is worn,
And in her breath tobacco whiffs are born ;
The cleanly cheeſe-prefs fhe could never turn,
Her aukward fift did ne'er employ the churn;
If e'er fhe brew'd, the drink would ftraight go four,
Before it ever felt the thunder's Pow'r :
No hufwifry the dowdy creature knew ;
To fum up all, her tongue confefs'd the fhrew :
My plaint, ye laffes, with this burthen aid,
Tis hard fo true a damfel dies a maid.
I've often ſeen my viſage in yon lake,
Nor are my features of the homelieſt make.
Though Clumfilis may boaſt a whiter dye,
Yet the black floe turns in my rolling eye;
And faireſt bloffoms drop with every blaſt,
But the brown beauty will like hollies laſt.
37. Mopſo Niſa datur, quid non ſperemus Amantes ?
49. Nec fum adeo informis, nuper me in Littore vidi.
53. Alba liguſtra cadunt, vaccinia nigra leguntur.
40
45
50
Virg.
Virg.
Virg.
Her
1
The DUMP S.
93
Her wan complexion's like the wither'd leek,
While Katharine-pears adorn my ruddy cheek.
Yet fhe, alas! the witleſs lout hath won,
And by her gain, poor Sparabell's undone!
Let hares and hounds in coupling-ftraps unite,
The clocking hen make friendſhip with the kite,
Let the fox fimply wear the nuptial nooſe,
And join in wedlock with the wadling goofe;
For love hath brought a ſtranger thing to paſs,
The faireſt ſhepherd weds the fouleft lafs.
My plaints, ye laffes, with this burthen aid,
'Tis hard fo true a damfel dies a maid,
Sooner ſhall cats difport in waters clear,
And fpeckled mackrels graze the meadows fair,
Sooner ſhall fcriech-owls bask in funny day,
And the flow afs on trees, like ſquirrels, play,
Sooner ſhall ſnails on infect pinions rove,
Than I forget my fhepherd's wonted love.
59. Jungenturjam Gryphes equis; avoque fequenti
Cun canibus timidi venient ad pocula Dama,
67. Ante leves ergo pafcentur in athere Cervi,
Et freta deftituent nudos in littore pifces------
Quan noftro illius labatur peƐtore vultus.
55
60
65
70
Virg.
Virg.
My
94
Third PASTORA L.
My plaint, ye laffes, with this burthen aid,
'Tis hard fo true a damfel dies a maid.
Ah! didft thou know what proffers I withstood, 75
When late I met the Squire in yonder wood !
To me he ſped, regardleſs of his game,
While all my cheek was glowing red with fhame;
F
My lip he kiss'd, and prais'd my healthful look,
Then from his purfe of filk a Guinea took,
Into my hand he forc'd the tempting gold,
While I with modeft ftruggling broke his hold.
He ſwore that Dick in liv'ry ftrip'd with lace,
Should wed me foon to keep me from Diſgrace ;
But I nor footman priz'd, nor golden fee,
For what is lace or gold compar'd to thee?
My plaint, ye laffes, with this burthen aid,
'Tis hard fo true a damfel dies a maid.
Now plain I ken whence Love his rife begun.
Sure he was born fome bloody butcher's fon.
80
85
90
Bred
89. To ken. Scire Chaucero, to ken, and Kende notus A. S.
cunnan Gath, Kunnan, Germanis Kennen. Danis Kiende.
Iflandis
}
The DUMP S.
95
Bred up in fhambles, where our younglings flain,
Erft taught him miſchief and to ſport with pain.
The father only filly fheep annoys,
The fon the fillier fhepherdefs deftroys,
Does fon or father greater miſchief do?
95
The fire is cruel, ſo the ſon is too.
My plaint, ye laffes, with this burthen aid,
"Tis hard ſo true a damfel dies a maid.
Farewel, ye woods, ye meads, ye ftreams that flow;
A fudden death fhall rid me of my woe.
This penknife keen my windpipe ſhall divide,
What, fhall I fall as fqueaking pigs have dy'd!
No ------To fome tree this carcaſe I'll fufpend.
But worrying curs find fuch untimely end!
99.
100
Iſlandis Kunna. Belgis Kennen. This word is of general
uſe, but not very common,though not unknown to the vul-
gar. Ken for profpicere is well known and uſed to dif-
cover by the eye. Ray. F. R. S.
Nunc fcio quid fit Amor, &c.
Crudelis mater magis an puer improbus ille ?
Improbus ille puer, crudelis tu quoque mater,
vivite Sylva.
Praceps aerii fpecula de montis in undas
Virg.
Deferar.
Virg.
I'll
96
Third PASTORAL.
I'll ſpeed me to the pond, where the high ſtool
On the long plank hangs o'er the muddy pool,
That ſtool, the dread of ev'ry fcolding quean;
Yet, fure a lover ſhould not die ſo mean!
There plac'd aloft, I'll rave and rail by fits;
Though all the pariſh ſay I've loft my wits;
And thence, if courage holds, my felf I'll throw,
And quench my paffion in the lake below.
Ye laffes, ceafe your burthen, ceafe to moan,
And, by my cafe forewarn'd, go mind your own.
The fun was fet; the night came on apace,
And falling dews bewet around the place,
The bat takes airy rounds on leathern wings,
And the hoarſe owl his woful dirges fings;
The prudent maiden deems it now too late,
And till to-morrow comes defers her fate.
105
110
115
1
THURSDAY;
たま
​SPARNDEZ PALMENÁ
THURSDAY;
OR, THE
SPEL L.
H
HOBNE LIA.
OB NELIA, ſeated in a dreary vale,
In penfive mood rehears'd her piteous tale,
Her piteous tale the winds in fighs bemoan,
And pining Echo anſwers groan for groan.
I rue the Day, a rueful day I trow,
The woful day, a day indeed of woe!
VOL. I.
F
When
LA
98
Fourth PASTORA L.
When Lubberkin to town his cattle drove,
A maiden fine bedight he hapt to love;
The maiden fine bedight his love retains,
And for the village he forfakes the plains.
Return, my Lubberkin, thefe ditties hear;
Spells will I try, and ſpells fhall eaſe my care.
With my sharp heel I three times mark the ground,
And turn me thrice around, around, around.
When firft the year, I heard the cuckow fing,
And call with welcome note the budding fpring,
I ftraightway fet a running with fuch hafte,
Deb'rah that won the fmock ſcarce ran fo faft.
'Till ſpent for lack of breath, quite weary grown,
Upon a rifing bank I fat adown,
Then doff'd my fhoe, and by my troth, I fwear,
Therein I ſpy'd this yellow frizled hair,
As like to Lubberkin's in curl and hue,
As if upon his comely pate it grew.
Line
10:
15
20
8. Dight or bedight, from the Saxon word dightan, which
fignifies to fet in order.
21. Doff and don, contracted from the words do off and
do on.
With
¿
\
The SPEL L.
99
With my sharp heel I three times mark the ground, 25
And turn me thrice around, around, around.
At eve laſt Midſummer no fleep I fought,
But to the field a bag of hempfeed brought,
I ſcatter'd round the feed on ev'ry fide,
And three times in a trembling accent cry'd,
This bemp-feed with my virgin hand I fow,
Who shall my true-love be, the crop shall mow.
I ftraight look'd back, and if my eyes fpeak truth,
With his keen fcythe behind me came the youth.
30
With my fharp heel I three times mark the ground, 35
And turn me thrice around, around, around.
Laft Valentine, the day when birds of kind
Their paramours with mutual chirpings find;
I rearly roſe, juft at the break of day,
Before the fun had chas'd the ſtars away;
A-field I went, amid the morning-dew,
To milk my kine (for ſo ſhould huſwives do)
Thee firft I ſpy'd, and the firſt ſwain we ſee,
In fpite of fortune fhall our true love be ;
4.0
F 2
See,
4
· 100
Fourth PASTORA L.
See, Lubberkin, each bird his partner take,
And canft thou then thy fweetheart dear forfake?
With my sharp beel I three times mark the ground,
And turn me thrice around, around, around.
45
Laft May-day fair I fearch'd to find a ſnail
That might my fecret lover's name reveal ;
Upon a gooseberry-buſh a fnail I found,
For always fnails near (weeteſt fruit abound.
I feiz'd the vermine, home I quickly fped,
And on the hearth the milk-white embers ſpread.
50
Slow crawl'd the fnail, and if I right can ſpell,
55
In the foft aſhes mark'd a curious L:
Oh, may this wond'rous omen lucky prove!
For L is found in Lubberkin and Love.
With my ſharp heel I three times mark the ground,
And turn me thrice around, around, around.
Two hazel-nuts I threw into the flame,
And to each nut I gave a fweet-heart's name.
This
The SPELL.
IOI
This with the loudeft bounce me 'fore amaz'd,
That in a flame of brighteſt colour blaz'd.
As blaz'd the nut fo may thy paffion grow,
For 'twas thy nut that did fo brightly glow.
With my ſharp heel I three times mark the ground,
And turn me thrice around, around, around.
As peafcods once I pluck'd, I chanc'd to fee
One that was cloſely fill'd with three times three,
Which when I crop'd I fafely home convey'd,
And o'er the door the ſpell in fecret laid,
My wheel I turn'd, and ſung a ballad new,
While from the fpindle I the fleeces drew;
The latch mov'd up, when who ſhould firſt come in,
But in his proper perſon,
Lubberkin.
I broke my yarn furpriz'd the fight to fee,
65
70
76
Sure fign that he would break his word with me.
Eftfoons I join'd it with my wonted flight,
So may again his love with mine unite!
80
64.
ἐγὼ δ' ἐπὶ Δέλφιδι δάφναν
Αἴθω. χ' ὡς αὐτὰ λακέει μέγα καππυρίσασα.
66. Daphnis me malus urit, ego hanc in Daphnide.
F 3
With
102
Fourth PASTORAL.
With my Sharp heel I three times mark the ground,
And turn me thrice around, around, around.
This Lady-fly I take from off the graſs,
Whofe fpotted back might ſcarlet red ſurpaſs.
Fly, Lady-Bird, North, South, or Eaſt, or Weft,
Fly where the Man is found that I love beft.
He leaves my hand, fee to the Weft he's flown,
To call my true-love from the faithlefs town.
With my sharp heel I three times mark the ground,
And turn me thrice around, around, around,
I pare this pippin round and round again,
My fhepherd's name to flouriſh on the plain.
I fling th' unbroken paring o'er my head
Upon the grafs a perfect L is read;
85
90
Yet on my heart a fairer L is feen
95
Than what the paring makes upon the green.
With my ſharp heel I three times mark the ground,
And turn me thrice around, around, around.
93. Tranfque Caput jace ; ne refpexeris.
Virg.
This
The SPE L L.
103
This pippin fhall another tryal make,
See from the core two kernels brown I take ;
This on my cheek for Lubberkin is worn,
And Boobyclod on t'other fide is born,
But Boobyclod foon drops upon the ground,
A certain token that his Love's unfound,
While Lubberkin fticks firmly to the laſt;
Oh were his Lips to mine but join'd ſo faſt!
With my Sharp heel I three times mark the ground,
And turn me thrice around, around, around.
As Lubberkin once ſlept beneath a tree,
I twitch'd his dangling garter from his knee;
He wift not when the hempen ftring I drew,
Now mine I quickly doff of inkle blue ;
Together faft I tye the garters twain,
And while I knit the knot repeat this ftrain.
Three times a true-love's knot I tye fecure,
· Firm be the knot, firm may his love endure.
100
105
110
115
109. Necte tribus nodis ternos, Amarylli, colores?
Nette, Amarylli, modò ; & Veneris dic vincula nect̃o.
F 4
Virg.
With
104
Fourth PASTORA L.
With my sharp heel I three times mark the ground,
And turn me thrice around, around, around.
As I was wont, I trudg'd laft market-day
To town, with new-laid eggs preſerv'd in hay,
I made my market long before 'twas night,
My purſe grew heavy and my basket light,
Straight to the pothecary's fhop I went,
And in love-powder all my money ſpent;
Behap what will, next Sunday after prayers,
When to the alehouſe Lubberkin repairs,
Thefe golden flies into his mug I'll throw,
And foon the ſwain with fervent love ſhall glow.
With my ſharp heel I three times mark the ground,
And turn me thrice around, around, around.
120
125
130
But hold -- our Lightfoot barks, and cocks his ears,
O'er yonder ftile fee Lubberkin appears.
123. Has Herbas, atque hac Ponto mihi le&ta venena
Ipfe dedit Maris.
127.
Ποτὸν κακὸν ἄυριον ιστο
Virg.
131. Nefcio quid certe eft: & Hylax in limine latrat.
Theoc.
He
The SPEL L.
105
He comes, he comes, Hobnelia's not bewray'd,
Nor ſhall ſhe crown'd with willow die a maid.
He vows, he ſwears, he'll give me a green gown,
Oh dear! I fall adown, adown, adown !
F S
FRI
-}
FRIDA T;
OR, THE
*DIR GE.
BUMKINET, GRUBBINOL.
W
BUMKIN ET.
HY, Grubbinol, doft thou fo wiftful feem?
There's forrow in thy look, if right I deem.
'Tis true, yon oaks with yellow tops appear,
And chilly blafts begin to nip the year;
From the tall elm a fhow'r of leaves is born,
And their loft beauty riven beeches mourn.
นค
5
* Dirge, or Dyrge, a mournful Ditty or Song of Lamentation
over the dead; not a contraction of the Latin Dirige in the
popish Hymn Dirige Greffus meos, as fome pretend; but
from the Teutonick Dyrke, Laudare, to praise and extol.
Whence it is poffible their Dyrke, and our Dirge, was a lan-
datory Song to commemorate and applaud the Dead.
Cowell's Interpreter.
Yet
The DIRGE.
107
Yet e'en this ſeaſon pleafance blithe affords,
Now the ſqueez'd preſs foams with our apple hoards.
Come, let us hie, and quaff a cheary bowl,
Let cider new wash forrow from thy foul.
GRUBBINOL.
Ah Bumkinet! fince thou from hence wert gone,
From theſe fad plains all merriment is flown;
Should I reveal my grief 'twould ſpoil thy chear,
And make thine eye o'erflow with many a tear.
BUMKIN ET.
Hang forrow! Let's to yonder hutt repair,
And with trim fonnets caft away our care.
Gillian of Croydon well thy pipe can play,
Thou fing'ſt moft fweet, o'er hills and far away,
Of Patient Griffel I devife to fing,
And catches quaint ſhall make the valleys ring.
Come, Grubbinol, beneath this ſhelter come,
From hence we view our flocks fecurely roam,
GRUBBINO L.
Yes, blithſome lad, a tale I mean to fing,
But with my woe fhall diftant valleys ring.
15. Incipe Mopfe prior, fi quos aut Phyllidis ignes,
Ante Alconis habes Landes, aut jurgia Codri,
10
15
20
The
108
Fifth PASTORAL.
The tale fhall make our kidlings droop their head, 25
For woe is me! --- our Blouzelind is dead.
BUMKINET.
Is Blouzelinda dead? farewel my glee!
No happineſs is now reſerv'd for me,
As the wood-pigeon cooes without his mate,
So fhall my doleful dirge bewail her fate.
Of Blouzelinda fair I mean to tell,
The peerleſs maid that did all maids excell.
Henceforth the morn fhall dewy forrow ſhed,
And ev’ning tears upon the grafs be ſpread;
The rowling ftreams with watry grief fhall flow,
And winds fhall moan aloud when loud they blow.
Henceforth, as oft as autumn fhall return,
The dropping trees, whene'er it rains, ſhall mourn ;
This ſeaſon quite fhall ftrip the country's pride,
For 'twas in autumn Blouzelinda dy'd.
Where-e'er I gad, I Blouzelind ſhall view,
Woods, dairy, barn and mows our paſſion knew.
When I direct my eyes to yonder wood,
Freſh riſing forrow curdles in my blood.
27. Glee, Joy; from the Dutch, Glooren, to recreate.
30
35
40
Thither
The DIR GE.
109
Thither I've often been the damfel's guide,
When rotten ſticks our fuel have fupply'd;
There I remember how her faggots large,
Were frequently theſe happy ſhoulders charge.
Sometimes this crook drew hazel boughs adown,
And ſtuff'd her apron wide with nuts ſo brown
Or when her feeding hogs had miſs'd their way,
Or wallowing 'mid a feaſt of acorns lay;
Th' untoward creatures to the ftye I drove,
And whiſtled all the way - or told my love.
If by the dairy's hatch I chance to hie,
I ſhall her goodly countenance efpie,
;
For there her goodly countenance I've ſeen,
Set off with kerchief ſtarch'd and pinners clean.
Sometimes, like wax, fhe rolls the butter round,'
Or with the wooden lily prints the pound.
Whilome I've feen her skim the clouted cream,
And prefs from ſpongy curds the milky ftream.
But now, alas! theſe ears ſhall hear no more
The whining fwine furround the dairy door,
No more her care ſhall fill the hallow tray,
To fat the guzzling hogs with floods of whey.
25
5.0
55
60
65
Lament,
ΣΙΟ
Fifth PASTORAL.
Lament, ye fwine, in gruntings ſpend your grief,
For you, like me, have loft your fole relief.
When in the barn the founding flail I ply,
Where from her fieve the chaff was wont to fly,
The poultry there will feem around to ftand,
Waiting upon her charitable hand.
70
No fuccour meet the poultry now can find,
For they, like me, have loft their Blouzelind.
Whenever by yon barley mow I paſs,
Before my eyes will trip the tidy laſs.
I pitch'd the fheaves (oh could I do fo now)
Which the in rows pil'd on the growing mow.
There ev'ry deale my heart by love was gain'd,
There the ſweet kiss my courtſhip has explain'd,
Ah Blouzelind! that mow I ne'er ſhall ſee,
But thy memorial will revive in me.
Lament, ye fields, and rueful fymptoms fhow,
Henceforth let not the ſmelling primroſe grow;
84. Pro molli violâ, pro purpureo Narciſſo
Carduus, & fpinis furgit Paliurus acutis.
Virg.
75
80
Let
AR
The DIR GE.
111
Let weeds inſtead of butter-flow'rs appear,
And meads, inſtead of daifies, hemlock bear;
For cowflips fweet let dandelions ſpread,
For Blouzelinda, blithfome maid, is dead!
Lament ye ſwains, and o'er her grave bemoan,
And ſpell ye right this verſe upon her ſtone.
Here Blouzelinda lies
Weep Shepherds
Alas, alas!
and remember fleſh is grafs.
GRUBBINO L.
Albeit thy fongs are fweeter to mine ear,
Than to the thirfty cattle rivers clear ;
Or winter porridge to the lab'ring youth,
Or bunns and fugar to the damfel's tooth;
Yet Blouzelinda's name fhall tune my lay,
Of her I'll fing for ever and for aye.
When Blouzelind expir'd, the weather's bell
Before the drooping flock toll'd forth her knell;
90. Et Tumulum facite, & tumulo fuperaddite Carmen.
93. Tale tuum carmen nobis, Divine Poeta,
Quale fopor feffis in gramine: quale per aftum
Dulcis aqua faliente fitim reftinguere rivo.
85
90
95-
100
Nos tamen hæc quocumque modo tibi noftra viciffim
Dicemus, Daphninque tuum tollemus ad aftra.
Virg.
26. Κρέσσον μελπομένω τον ακδέμενε μέλι λείχειν.
Theoc.
The
II2
Fifth PASTORAL.
The folemn death-watch click'd the hour ſhe dy'd,
And fhrilling crickets in the chimney cry'd;
The boding raven on her cottage fate,
And with hoarfe croaking warn'd us of our fate;
The lambkin, which her wonted tendance bred,
Drop'd on the plains that fatal inftant dead;
Swarm'd on a rotten ſtick the bees I fpy'd,
Which erft I ſaw when goody Dobſon dy'd.
How fhall I, void of tears, her death relate,
When on her dearling's bed her mother fate!
Theſe words the dying Blouzelinda ſpoke,
And of the dead let none the will revoke...
Mother, quoth fhe, let not the poultry need,
And give the gooſe wherewith to raiſe her breed,
Be theſe my fifter's care
and ev'ry morn
Amid the ducklings let her ſcatter corn;
The fickly calf that's hous'd, be ſure to tend,
Feed him with milk, and from bleak colds defend.
Yet ere I die fee, mother, yonder fhelf,
There fecretly I've hid my worldly pelf.
Twenty good ſhillings in a rag I laid,
Be ten the Parſon's, for my fermon paid.
105
110
115
1.20
The
The DIRGE.
113
The reft is yours
my fpinning-wheel and rake,
Let Suſan keep for her dear fifter's fake;
My new ſtraw-hat that's trimly lin❜d with green, 125
Let Peggy wear, for ſhe's a damfel clean.
My leathern bottle, long in harveſts try'd,
this filver ring befide:
Be Grubbinol's
Three filver pennies, and a nine-pence bent,
A token kind, to Bumkinet is fent.
Thus fpoke the maiden, while the mother cry'd,
And peaceful, like the harmleſs lambs, ſhe dy’d.
To ſhow their love, the neighbours far and near,
Follow'd with wiftful look the damfel's bier.
Sprigg'd roſemary the lads and laffes bore,
While difmally the Parfon walk'd before.
Upon her grave the roſemary they threw,
The daify, butter-flow'r and endive blue.
130
135
After the good man warn'd us from his text,
That none could tell whofe turn would be the next;
He ſaid, that heaven would take her foul, no doubt, 141
And ſpoke the hour-glafs in her praife
quite out.
To
נ'
114.
Fifth PASTORAL.
To her ſweet mem'ry flow'ry garlands ftrung,
O'er her now empty feat aloft were hung.
With wicker rods we fenc'd her tomb around,
To ward from man and beaſt the hallow'd ground,
Left her new grave the Parfon's cattle raze,
For both his horſe and cow. the church-yard graze.
Now we trudg'd homeward to her mother's farm,
To drink new cider mull'd, with ginger warm.
For gaffer Tread-well told us by the by,
Exceffive forrow is exceeding dry.
While bulls bear horns upon their curled brow,
Or laffes with ſoft ſtroakings milk the cow;
While padling ducks the ſtanding lake defire,
Or batt'ning hogs roll in the finking mire;
While moles the crumbling Earth in hillocks raiſe,
So long ſhall ſwains tell Blouzelinda's praiſe.
145
150
155
Thus wail'd the louts in melancholy ſtrain,
"Till bonny Sufan fped a-crofs the plain;
160
153. Dum juga montis Aper, fluvios dum Pifcis amabit,
Dumque Thymo pafcentur apes, dum rore cicada,
Somper honos nomenque tuum, laudefque manebunt.
They
The DIRGE.
115
They feiz'd the lafs in apron clean aray'd,
And to the ale-houſe forc'd the willing maid
In ale and kiffes they forget their cares,
And Sufan Blouzelinda's lofs repairs.
}
SATUR-
SATURDAY:
OR, THE
FLIGHT S.
BOWZY BE US.
UBLIMER ftrains, O ruftic Muſe,
prepare;
Forget a while the barn and dairy's care;
Thy homely voice to loftier numbers raiſe,
The drunkard's flights require fonorous
lays,
With Blowzybeus' fongs exalt thy verſe,
5
While rocks and woods the various notes rehearſe.
'Twas in the ſeaſon when the reapers toil
Of the ripe harveft 'gan to rid the foil;
Wide
The FLIGHTS.
117
Wide through the field was feen a goodly rout,
Clean damfels bound the gather'd fheaves about,
The lads with ſharpen'd hooks and fweating brow
Cut down the labours of the winter plow.
To the near hedge young Sufan ſteps afide,
She feign'd her coat or garter was unty'd,
What-e'er ſhe did, fhe ftoop'd adown unfeen,
And merry reapers, what they lift, will ween.
Soon fhe rofe up, and cry'd with voice fo fhrill
That echo anſwer'd from the diftant hill;
The youths and damfels ran to Sufan's aid,
Who thought fome adder had the laſs diſmay'd.
When faſt aſleep they Bowzybeus ſpy'd,
His hat and oaken ſtaff lay cloſe beſide.
That Borzybeus who could fweetly fing,
10
15
20
Or with the rozin'd bow torment the ftring:
That Bowzybeus who with finger's ſpeed
25
Could call foft warblings from the breathing reed;
That Bowzybeus who with jocond tongue,
Ballads and roundelays and catches fung,
They loudly laugh to fee the damíel's fright,
And in difport furround the drunken wight.
22. Serta procul tantum capiti delapfa jacebant.
30
Virg.
Ah
118 Sixth PASTORA L.
線
​Ah Bowzybee, why didit thou ftay fo long?
The mugs were large, the drink was wondrous ftrong ?
Thou ſhouldſt have left the Fair before 'twas night,
But thou fat'ſt toping 'till the morning light.
Cicly, brisk maid, fteps forth before the rout,
And kiss'd with fmack ing lip the fnoring lout.
For cuſtom ſays, Whoe'er this venture proves,
For fuch a kiss demands a pair of gloves.
By her example Dorcas bolder grows,
35
And plays a tickling ftraw within his noſe.
40
He rubs his noftril, and in wonted joke
1
The fneering fwains with ftamm'ring fpeech befpoke.
To you, my lads, I'll fing my carols o'er,
As for the maids, I've fomething elſe in ftore.
No fooner 'gan he raiſe his tuneful ſong,
But lads and laffes round about him throng.
Not ballad-finger plac'd above the croud
Sings with a note fo fhrilling fweet and loud,
40. Sanguineis frontem moris & tempora pingit.
43. Carmina que vultis, cognofcite; carmina vobis.
Huic aliud mercedis erit.
Virg.
Virg.
45
47. Nec tantum Phabo gaudet Parnaffia rupes ;
Nec tantum Rhodope mirantur & Ifmarus Orphea. Virg.
Nor
The FLIGHTS.
119
Nor pariſh-clerk who calls the pfalm ſo clear,
Like Bowzybeus fooths th' attentive air.
Of nature's laws his carols firft begun,
Why the grave owle can never face the fun.
For owles, as fwains obferve, deteft the light,
And only fing and feek their prey by night.
How turnips hide their ſwelling heads below,
And how the clofing colworts upwards grow;
How Will-a-Wifp mif-leads night-faring clowns,
O'er hills, and finking bogs, and pathlefs downs.
Offtars he told that ſhoot with fhining trail,
And of the glow-worm's light that gilds his tail.
He fung where wood-cocks in the fummer feed,
And in what climates they renew their breed ;
Some think to northern coafts their flight they tend,
Or to the moon in midnight hours aſcend.
Where ſwallows in the winter ſeaſon keep,
And how the drowſy bat and dormouſe ſleep.
How nature does the puppy's eyelid cloſe,
Till the bright fun has nine times fet and roſe.
50
55
60
65
51. Our fwain had poffibly read Tuffer, from whence he might
have collected these philofophical obfervations.
Namque canebat uti magnum per inane coacta &c.
For
120
Sixth PASTORA L.
For huntſmen by their long experience find,
That puppys ftill nine rolling funs are blind.
Now he goes on, and fings of Fairs and fhows,
For ftill new fairs before his eyes aroſe.
How pedlars ftalls with glitt'ring toys are laid,
The various fairings of the country maid.
Long filken laces hung upon the twine,
And rows of pins and amber bracelets fhine;
How the tight lafs, knives, combs, and ſçiffars ſpys,
And looks on thimbles with defiring eyes.
1
Of lott'ries next with tuneful note he told,
Where filver spoons are won, and rings of gold.
The lads and laffes trudge the ſtreet along,
And all the fair is crouded in his fong.
The mountebank now treads the ſtage, and fells
His pills, his balfams, and his ague-ſpells ;
Now o'er and o'er the nimble tumbler fprings,
And on the rope the ventrous maiden ſwings ;
Jack-Pudding in his parti-colour'd jacket
Toffes the glove, and jokes at ev'ry packet.
Of Raree-shows he fung, and Punch's feats,
Of pockets pick'd in crowds, and various cheats.
70
75
80
85
90
Then
The FLIGHTS.
121
Then fad he fung the children in the Wood.
Ah barb'rous uncle, ftain'd with infant blood!
How blackberries they pluck'd in defarts wild,
And fearleſs at the glittering fauchion fmil'd;
Their little corps the robin-red-breafts found,
And ftrow'd with pious bill the leaves around.
Ah gentle birds! if this verſe laſts ſo long,
Your names fhall live for ever in my fong.
For buxom Joan he fung the doubtful ſtrife,
How the fly failor made the maid a wife.
To louder ftrains he rais'd his voice, to tell
What woeful wars in Chevy-chafe befell,
When Piercy drove the deer with hound and horn,
Wars to be swept by children yet unborn!
95
100
Ah With'rington, more years thy life had crown'd, 105
If thou hadft never heard the horn or hound!
Yet fhall the Squire, who fought on bloody ftumps,
By future bards be wail'd in doleful dumps.
97. Fortunati ambo, fi quid mea carmina poffunt,
Nulla dies unquam memori vos eximet avo.
Virg.
99. A Song in the Comedy of Love for Love, beginning
A Soldier and a Sailor, &c.
VOL. I.
G
All
122
Sixth PASTORA L.
All in the land of Effex next he chaunts,
How to fleek mares ftarch quakers turn gallants :
How the grave brother ſtood on bank ſo green.
Happy for him if mares had never been!
Then he was feiz'd with a religious qualm,
And on a fudden, fung the hundredth pſalm.
He fung of Taffy Welch, and Sawney Scot,
Lilly-bullero and the Irish Trot.
II
115
Why should I tell of Bateman or of Shore,
Or Wantley's Dragon flain by valiant Moore,
The bow'r of Rofamond, or Robin Hood,
119
And how the grafs now grows where Troy town flood?
His carols ceas'd: the lift'ning maids and fwains
Seem ftill to hear fome foft imperfect ſtrains.
Sudden he rofe; and as he reels along
Swears kiffes ſweet ſhould well reward his fong.
109. A Song of Sir J. Denham's. See his Poems.
112. Et fortunatum fi nunquam Armenta fuiffent
Pafiplaen.
117. Quid loquar aut Scyllam Nifi, &c.
117. Old English Ballads,
G
Virg.
The
The FLIGHTS.
123
The damfels laughing fly: the giddy clown
Again upon a wheat-fheaf, drops adown;
The pow'r that guards the drunk, his ſleep attends,
"Till ruddy, like his face, the fun defcends.
125
:
G 2
A33
AN
ALPHABETICAL CATALOGUE
OF
Names, Plants, Flowers, Fruits,
Birds,
Beafts, Infects, and other material things
mentioned in thefe Paftorals.
A
Bran
Blackberry
5.v.52 Blind-man's-buff
CORNS Paſt. 5,v. 52
Adder
A
Ale-Houſe
Apple
6, 20 Bramble
2, 44
6, 93
1, 95
I, 2
5, 8 Blouzelind 1, 10, 5, 26
4, 126 Breakfaſt
Apron 2, 105. 5, 50
2, 52
Bull
Afs
3, 6. 3, 70
Bumkinet
Autumn
5, 3. 5, 37
Bun
B
Boobyclod
Butter
Barley
2, 70. 5, 78
Ballad-finger
Bat
Bateman
Bays
Barn
I, 122.
Bowzybeus
Butcher
6, 47 Butterflower
3, 117 Buxoma
6, 117
3, 18
5, 69
2, 104
3, 28
5, 96
4, 102
1, 33
6
3, 90
5, 85
1, 14
C
Beech
Bee
5, 6 Calf
5, 107 Capon
1, 16. 1, 55
1, 90
Carr
INDE X.
Cicily
2, 20. 6, 35
Carr
Cat
2, 65 Doe
2, 90. 3, 67 Dorcas
1, 16
6, 39
6, 118
Dragon
Clover-grafs
1, 42
Drink
3, 43
Cloddipole
t
Goody Dobfon
5, 108
Churn
3, 42
Duck
Colworts
Clumfilis
6, 56 Duckling
3, 30 Ducking-ftool
5, 155
5, 116
3, 105
Cock
Comb
1
2, 79
6, 77
E
Cow 1, 16. 1, 82. 2, 104
Colin Clout
2,
I Eggs
Clouted Cream
5, 61 Elm
Cowflips
5, 87 Endive
Chalk
2, 44 Epitaph
Cricket
4, 120
5,- 5
5, 138
5, 90
5, 102
Curd
5, 62
F
Cuddy
I
Church-yard
5, 148 Fair
Cuckow
6, 71
4, 15 Fawn
1, 16
Cur
I, 56 Fox
· Cyder
3, 61
5, 150 Fuel
I, 28
5, 46
G
Corns
D
Dairy
Daily
Dandelion
Deborah
Death-watch
D'Urfey
Goody Dobbins
Deer
Dick
Gilly-flower
5, 42 Gloves
U
I, 44 Glow-worm
5, 87 Gärter
4, 18 Goldfinch
5, 101 Ginger
3, 9 Gooſe
2, 104 Gillian of Croydon
1, 36 Gooſeberry
3, 83 Green Gown
1, 45
6, 38
6, 60
4, 110
1, 52
5, 150
5, 114
5, 17
4,58
4, 135
G 3
Grafs
INDE X.
Grafs
Grubbinol
Gypfy
4, 94 Kid
5.
Kerchief
I, 54
5, 58
2, 74 Kidling
5, 25
Kifs
i, 73
H
Kite
3, 60
Kerſey Doublet
2, 37
Hare
Holy-day
3, 59
Knife
1, 89
1, 66 Kingcup
1, 43
Haycock
1, 72
Hazel-Nut
4, 61
L
Harveft
6, 8
Hemlock
5, 86 Lady-Bird
Hempfeed
4, 28 Leather
4,85
2, 44
Heifer
I, 25
Lamb
I, 53
Hen
3, 60
Lobin Clout
1.
Hour-glafs
5, 142 Love Powder
4, 124
Holly
Lambkin
3, 54
5, 105
Hoſen
2, 33
Lottery
6, 79
Hobnelia
4.
Lark
1, 3
Hot-cockles
1, 99
Leathern Bottle
5, 127
Hog
5, 51
Lubberkin
4, 7
Hodge
3, 15 Lilly
Horfe
5, 148 Leek
Goodman Hodges 1, 122 Lily-bullero
Hound
3, 59
Linnet
5, 60
3, 55
6, 116
3, 3
I.
M
Jack-Pudding
6, 87 Mackerell
3,68
Jay
3, 5 May-Day
1, 58
Joan
6, 99 Mag-pye
Irish Trott
6, 166 Milk-pail
Mare
6,
K
Mug
Marian
3, 5
2, 58
110
6, 32
2, 9
Katharine-Pear
3, 56 Moore
6, 118
Mary-
INDE X.
Marygold
Midfummer-Eve
1, 46 Patient Griffel
4, 27
Poultry
Mole
Mountebank
Mow
5, 157
Parish Clerk
5, 19
5, 113
6, 49
6, 83
Puppy
6, 67
5, 75
R
N
Rake
Neckcloth,
Nuts
Ninepence
2, 36
Raven
1, 123
5, 103
5, 50 Robin-hood
6, 119.
5, 129
Robin-re -breaſt
6, 95
Ring
6, 80
O
Rook
2, 54
Rosamond
6, 119
Oak
Oatmeal
Owl
Oxen
5, 3
Roast Beef
1, 89
2, 44
Ribbon
3, 29
6, 52 Roſemary
5, 137
3, 20 Riddle
I, III
Po
S
Ploughing
Peafe-cod
2, 51 Swinging
4, 69 Spring
1, 103
4, 16
Penny
5, 129 Sarney
6, 1 115
Peggy
Penknife
5, 126 Sage
2, 13
3, 101 Sciffars
6, 77
5, 29 Sheep
2, 28
6, 73 Straw-Hat
5, 125
Pidgeon
Pedlar
Pig
Pinner
Pippin
Pottage
Potatoe
Pudding
Primrofe
3, 102 Sloe
5, 58 Smock
4, 91 Snail
5, 95 Spinning Wheel
1, 84 Squirrel
1, 91 Sugar
5, 84 Sufan
ம்.
G 4
3, 52
4, 18
3, 71
5, 123
3,70
5, 96
124
Squire
INDE X.
Squire
Sowing
Swallow
3, 76
V
2, 53
1, 29
Valentine's Day
4. 37
Shore
6, 117
Udder
I, 4
Swine
5, 64
W
Summer
1, 61 Wake
2, 4
Silver Spoon
Sparabella
See-fawing
6, 80 Weather
5, 99
3,
Winter
1, 60
1, 107
Weed
5, 85
Will-a-Wifp
6, 57
T
Wheat-fheaf
6, 126
Whey
5, 66
Thimble
6, 79 Whitepot
I, 92
T'hroftle
1, 2 Wood
5, 43
Tobacco
3, 40
Worky Day
I, 63
Gaffer Treadwell
5, 151
Woodcock
6, 61
Troy Town
6, 120 Whistling
5, 54
Turnip
1, 86
Y
Threſhing
2, 55 Yarn
4, 77
True-love's Knot 4, 115 Youngling
2, 26
TRIVIA;
TRIVIA;
OR, THE
ART of WALKING
the Streets of
LONDON
Quò te Mæri pedes? An, quò via ducit, in Urbem?
Virg.
1
G 5
ADVERTISEMENT.
TH
HE world, I believe, will take fo little
notice of me, that I need not take much
of it. The criticks may fee by this poem, that
I walk on foot, which probably may save me
from their envy. I fhould be forry to raise that
paffion in men whom I am so much obliged to,
Since they allowed me an honour hitherto only
fhewn to better writers: That of denying me
to be author of my own works.
Gentlemen, if there be any thing in this
poem good enough to difpleafe you, and if it be
any advantage to you to afcribe it ſome perfon
of greater merit; I shall acquaint you for your
comfort, that among many other obligations, I
owe ſeveral hints of it to Dr. Swift. And if
you will fo far continue your favour as to write
against it, I beg you to oblige me in accepting the
following motto.
Non tu, in Triviis, indo&te, folebas
Stridenti, miferum, ftipulâ, difperdere carmen ?
TRI
TRIVIA.
BOOK I.
Of the Implements for walking the Streets,
and Signs of the Weather.
T
HROUGH winter ftreets to fteer your
courſe aright,
How to walk clean by day, and ſafe by
night,
How jostling crouds, with prudence to decline,
When to affert the wall, and when refign,
I fing: Thou, Trivia, Goddeſs, aid my ſong,
Thro' fpacious ſtreets conduct thy bard along;
5
LA
By
134"
TRIV I A.
By thee tranſported, I fecurely ftray
Where winding alleys lead the doubtful way,
The filent court, and op'ning fquare explore,
And long perplexing lanes untrod before.
To pave thy realm, and ſmooth the broken ways,
Earth from her womb a flinty tribute pays ;
For thee, the ſturdy paver thumps the ground,
Whilſt ev'ry ſtroke his lab'ring lungs refound;
For thee the ſcavenger bids kennels glide
Within their bounds, and heaps of dirt fubfide,
My youthful bofom burns with thirſt of fame,
From the great theme to build a glorious name,
To tread in paths to ancient bards unknown,
And bind my temples with a Civic crown:
But more, my country's love demands the lays,
My country's be the profit, mine the praiſe.
When the black youth at choſen ftands rejoice,
And clean your shoes refounds from ev'ry voice;
When late their miry fides ftage coaches fhow,
And their ſtiff horſes through the town move flow;
When all the Mall in leafy ruin lies,
And damſels firſt renew their oyfter cries :
።
10
15
20
25
Then
TRIV I A.
135
Then let the prudent walker fhoes provide,
Not of the Spanish or Morocco hide ;
The wooden heel may raiſe the dancer's bound,
And with the ſcallop'd top his ftep be crown'd:
Let firm, well-hammer'd foles protect thy feet
Thro' freezing fnows, and rains, and foaking fleet.
Should the big lafte extend the fhoe too wide,
Each ſtone will wrench th' unwary ſtep afide:
The fudden turn may ftretch the ſwelling vein,
Thy cracking joint unhinge, or ancle ſprain;
And when too ſhort the modifh fhoes are worn,
You'll judge the feafons by your fhooting corn.
Nor fhould it prove thy lefs important care,
To chooſe a proper coat for winter's wear.
Now in thy trunk thy D'oily habit fold,
The filken drugget ill can fence the cold;
The frieze's ſpongy nap is foak'd with rain,
30
And ſhow'rs foon drench the camlet's cockled grain,
True *Witney broad-cloth with its fhag unfhorn,
Unpierc'd is in the lafting tempeft worn:
Be this the horſeman's fence; for who would wear
Amid the town the fpoils of Ruffia's bear?
35
40
45
50
*A
A Town in Oxfordſhire.
Within
136
TRIV I A.
Within the Roquelaure's clafp thy hands are pent,
Hands, that ſtretch'd forth invading harms prevent.
Let the loop'd Bavaroy the fop embrace,
Or his deep cloak be ſpatter'd o'er with lace.
That garment beft the winter's rage defends,
Whoſe ample form without one plait depends;
By
* various Names in various counties known,
Yet held in all the true Surtout alone:
Be thine of Kerfey firm, tho' fmall the coft,
55
Then brave unwet the rain, unchill'd the froft.
60
If the ftrong cane fupport thy walking hand,
Chairmen no longer ſhall the wall command;
E'en ſturdy car-men fhall thy nod obey,
And rattling coaches ftop to make thee way;
This ſhall direct thy cautious tread aright,
65
Though not one glaring lamp enliven night.
Let beaus their canes with amber tipt produce,
Be theirs for empty ſhow, but thine for uſe.
In gilded chariots while they loll at eafe,
And lazily infure a life's diſeaſe;
While fofter chairs the tawdry load convey
To Court, to + White's, Affemblies, or the Play;
* A Jofeph, Wrap-Rafcal, &c.
↑ White's Chocolate-houſe in St. James's-Street.
70%
Rofy
TRIV I A.
137
Rofy-complexion'd health thy fteps attends,
And exerciſe thy lafting youth defends.
Imprudent men heaven's choiceft gifts profane.
Thus fome beneath their arm fupport the cane;
The dirty point oft checks the careleſs pace,
And miry ſpots the clean cravat difgrace:
O! may I never fuch misfortune meet,
May' no fuch vicious walkers croud the ſtreet,
May Providence o'er-fhade me with her wings,
While the bold Mufe experienc'd dangers fings.
Not that I wander from my native home,
And (tempting perils) foreign cities roam.
Let Paris be the theme of Gallia's mufe,
Where flav'ry treads the ftreet in wooden ſhoes;
Nor do I rove in Belgia's frozen clime,
And teach the clumſy boor to skate in rhyme,
Where, if the warmer clouds in rain deſcend,
No miry ways induſtrious fteps offend,
The ruſhing Flood from floping pavements pours,
And blackens the canals with dirty fhow'rs.
Let others Naples' fmoother ftreets rehearſe,
And with proud Roman ftructures grace their verſe,
75
80
85
90
Where
138
TRIVIA.
Where frequent murders wake the night with groans,
And blood in purple torrents dyes the ſtones ;
Nor fhall the mufe through narrow Venice ftray,
Where Gondolas their painted oars diſplay.
O happy ſtreets, to rumbling Wheels unknown,
No carts, no coaches fhake the floating town!
Thus was of old Britannia's city bleſs'd,
Ere pride and luxury her fons poffefs'd:
Coaches and chariots yet unfaſhion'd lay,
Nor late-invented chairs perplex'd the way:
Then the proud lady tripp'd along the town,
And tuck'd-up petticoats fecur'd her gown,
Her rofy cheek with diftant vifits glow'd,
And exercife unartful charms beftow'd;
But fince in braided gold her foot is bound,
And a long trading manteau fweeps the ground,
Her ſhoe disdains the ftreet; the lazy fair
With: narrow step affects a limping air.
Now gaudy pride corrupts the laviſh age,
And the streets flame with glaring equipage;
The tricking gamefter infolently rides,
96
100
105
1.10
115
With Loves and Graces on his chariot's fides;
In faucy ftate the griping broker fits,
And laughs at honefty, and trudging wits:
For
TRIV I A.
139
For you, O honeft men, theſe uſeful lays
The muſe prepares; I feek no other praiſe.
When fleep is firft difturb'd by morning cries;
From fure prognofticks learn to know the skies,
Left you of rheums and coughs at night complain;
Surpriz'd in dreary fogs, or driving rain.
When fuffocating mifts obfcure the morn,
•
Let thy worft wig, long us'd to ftorms, be worn;
This knows the powder'd footman, and with care,
Beneath his flapping hat fecures his hair.
I 20
125
Be thou, for ev'ry ſeaſon, juftly dreft,
Nor brave the piercing froft with open breaſt;
And when the bursting clouds a deluge pour,
Let thy Surtout defend the drenching fhow'r.
130
The changing weather certain figns reveal.
Ere winter ſheds her fnow, or frofts congeal,
You'll fee the coals in brighter flame afpire,
And fulphur tinge with blue the rifing fire:
Your tender ſhins the fcorching heat decline,
And at the dearth of coals the poor repine;
Before her kitchen hearth, the nodding dame
In flannel mantle wrapt, enjoys the flame;
135
140
Hov'ring,
140
TRIVIA.
Hov'ring, upon her feeble knees fhe bends,
And all around the grateful warmth afcends.
145
Nor do lefs certain figns the town adviſe,
Of milder weather, and ferener skies.
The ladies gaily drefs'd, the Mall adorn
With various dyes, and paint the funy morn;
The wanton fawns with frisking pleaſure range,
And chirping fparrows greet the welcome change:
* Not that their minds with greater skill are fraught,
Endu'd by inſtinct, or by reaſon taught,
The ſeaſons operate on ev'ry breaſt,
150
‚Tis hence that fawns are brisk, and ladies dreft,
When on his box the nodding coachman fnores,
And dreams of fanfy'd fares; when tavern doors
The chairmen idly croud; then ne'er refuſe
155
To truſt thy buſy ſteps in thinner fhoes.
But when the ſwinging figns your ears offend
With creaking noiſe, then rainy floods impend;
* Haud equidem credo, quia fit divinitus illis`
Ingenium, aut rerum fato prudentia major. Virg. Georg. 1.
Soon
TRIVIA
141
Soon fhall the kennels fwell with rapid ftreams,
And rush in muddy torrents to the Thames.
The bookfeller, whoſe ſhop's an open ſquare,
Forefees the tempeſt, and with early care
Of learning ſtrips the rails; the rowing crew
To tempt a fare, clothe all their tilts in blue :
On hofiers poles depending ftockings ty❜d.
Flag with the flacken'd gale, from fide to fide:
Church-monuments foretel the changing air ;
'Then Niobe diffolves into a tear,
And fweats with fecret grief: you'll hear the founds,
Of whiſtling winds, ere kennels break their bounds;
Ungrateful odours common-fhores diffuſe,
And dropping vaults diſtil unwholſom dews
Ere the tiles rattle with the ſmoking ſhow'r,
And ſpouts on heedlefs men their torrents pour.
All fuperftition from thy breaft repel.
Let cred❜lous boys, and pratling nurfes tell,
How if the feftival of Paul be clear,
Plenty from lib'ral horn ſhall ſtrow the year;
When the dark skies diffolve in fnow or rain,
The lab'ring hind fhall yoke the ſteer in vain ;
160
165
171
175
180
But
142
TRIV I A.
But if the threatning winds in tempefts roar,
Then war fhall bathe her waſteful fword in gore.
How, if on Swithin's feaft the welkin lours,
And ev'ry penthouſe ſtreams with haſty ſhow'rs,
Twice twenty days fhall clouds their fleeces drain, 185
And waſh the pavements with inceffant rain,
Let not fuch vulgar tales debaſe thy mind ;
Nor Paul nor Swithin rule the clouds and wind.
If you the precepts of the Mufe defpife,
And flight the faithful warning of the skies,
Others you'll fee, when all the town's afloat,
Wrapt in. th' embraces of a kerſey coat,
Or double-button'd frieze; their guarded feet
Defy the muddy dangers of the ſtreet,
C
While you with hat unloop'd, the fury dread
Of ſpouts high-ftreaming, and with cautious tread
Shun ev'ry daſhing pool; or idly ſtop,
To feek the kind protection of a ſhop.
But bus'neſs fummons; now with haſty ſcud
You joftle for the wall; the fpatter'd mud
Hides all thy hofe behind; in vain you ſcow'r,
Thy wig alas! uncurl'd, admits the fhow'r.
190
195
200
So
TRIVI A.
143
So fierce Alecto's fnaky treffes fell,
When Orpheus charm'd the rig'rous pow'rs of hell,
Or thus hung Glaucus' beard, with briny dew
Clotted and ftraight, when firft his am'rous view
Surpriz'd the bathing fair; the frighted maid
Now ftands a rock, transform'd by Circe's aid.
Good houſewives all the winter's rage deſpiſe,
Defeaded by the riding-hood's diſguiſe:
Or underneath th' umbrella's oily ſhed,
Safe thro' the wet on clinking pattens tread,
Let Perfian dames th' umbrella's ribs difplay,
To guard their beauties from the funny ray;
Or fweating flaves fupport the fhady load,
When eaſtern Monarchs fhow their ſtate abroad ;
Britain in winter only knows its aid,
1
To guard from chilly fhow'rs the walking maid.
But, O! forget not, Mufe, the patten's praiſe,
That female implement fhall grace thy lays;
Say from what art divine th' invention came,
And from its origin deduce its name.
Where Lincoln wide extends her fenny foil,
A goodly yeoman liv'd grown white with toil :
205
210
215
220
One
144
TRIVIA
One only daughter bleft his nuptial bed,
Who from her infant hand the poultry fed:
Martha (her careful mother's name) ſhe bore,
But now her careful mother was no more.
Whilſt on her father's knee the damfel play'd,
Patty he fondly call'd the fmiling maid;
As years increas'd, her ruddy beauty grew,
And Patty's fame o'er all the village flew.
Soon as the grey-ey'd morning ftreaks the skies,
And in the doubtful day the woodcock flies,
225
230
Her cleanly pail the pretty houſwife bears,
And finging to the diſtant field repairs:
235
And when the plains with ev'ning dews are ſpread,
The milky burden ſmokes upon her head,
Deep, thro' a miry-lane fhe pick'd her way,
Above her ancle rofe the chalky clay.
Vulcan by chance the bloomy maiden ſpies,
With innocence and beauty in her eyes,
He faw, he lov'd; for yet he ne'er had known
Sweet innocence and beauty meet in one.
Ah Mulciber! recal thy nuptial vows,
240
245
Think on the graces of thy Papbian ſpouſe,
Think
TRIV I A.
145
Think how her eyes dart inexhauſted charms,
And canft thou leave her bed for Patty's arms?
The Lemnian power forfakes the realms above,
His bofom glowing with terreſtrial love :
Far in the lane a lonely hut he found,
No tenant ventur'd on th' unwholfom ground.
Here fmokes his forge, he bares his finewy arm,
And early ſtrokes the founding anvil warm:
Around his ſhop the fteely ſparkles flew,
As for the ſteed he ſhap'd the bending ſhoe.
When blue-ey'd Patty near his window came,
His anvil refts, his forge forgets to flame.
To bear his foothing tales fhe feigns delays;
What woman can refift the force of praiſe ?
At firſt ſhe coyly ev'ry kifs withſtood,
And all her cheek was fluſh'd with modeſt blood:
With headleſs nails he now furrounds her ſhoes,
To fave her ſteps from rains and piercing dews;
She lik'd his foothing tales, his prefents wore,
And granted kiffes, but would grant no more.
VOL. I.
H
250
255
260
265
Yet
146
TRIVI A.
Yet winter chill'd her feet, with cold fhe pines,
And on her cheek the fading rofe declines;
No more her humid eyes their luftre boaſt,
And in hoarfe founds her melting voice is loft.
This Vulcan faw, and in his heav'nly thought,
A new machine mechanick fancy wrought,
Above the mire her ſhelter'd fteps to raiſe,
And bear her fafely through the wintry ways,
Straight the new engine on the anvil glows,
And the pale virgin on the patten rofe.
270
275
No more her lungs are ſhook with dropping rheums,
And on her cheek reviving beauty blooms.
The God obtain'd his fuit; though flatt'ry fail,
Preſents with female virtue muſt prevail.
The patten now fupports each frugal dame,
Which from the blue-ey'd Patty takes the name,
280
TRI-
TRIVIA
BOOK
II.
Of walking the Streets by Day.
HUS far the Muſe has trac'd in uſeful lays,
The proper implements for wintry ways?
Has taught the walker, with judicious eyes,
To read the various warnings of the skies.
Now venture, Mufe, from home to range the town,
And for the publick ſafety rifque thy own.
For eaſe and for diſpatch, the morning's beft;
No tides of paffengers the ftreet moleft.
H 2
You'll
148
TRIV I A
You'll fee a draggled damfel, here and there,
From Billingsgate her fishy traffick bear;
On doors the fallow milk-maid chalks her gains;
Ah! how unlike the milk-maid of the plains!
Before proud gates attending affes bray,
Or arrogate with folemn pace the way ;
Theſe grave phyficians with their milky chear,
The love-fick maid and dwindling beau repair;
Here rows of drummers ftand in martial file,
And with their vellom-thunder ſhake the pile,
To greet the new-made bride. Are founds like theſe
The proper prelude to a ſtate of peace?
Now induſtry awakes her bufy fons,
Full charg'd with news the breathlefs hawker runs :
Shops open, coaches roll, carts ſhake the ground,
And all the ſtreets with paffing cries rèfound.
If cloath'd in black, you tread the buſy town,
Or if diſtinguiſh'd by the rev'rend gown,
Three trades avoid; oft in the mingling prefs,
The barber's apron foils the fable dreſs;
Shun the perfumer's touch with cautious eye,
Nor let the baker's ftep advance too nigh:
10
15
20
25
30
Ye
TRIV I A.
149
Ye walkers too that youthful colours wear,
Three fullying trades avoid with equal care;
The little chimney-fweeper skulks along,
And marks with footy ftains the heedleſs throng;
When fmall-coal murmurs in the hoarfer throat,
From fmutty dangers guard thy threaten'd coat:
The duft-man's cart offends thy cloaths and eyes,
When through the ſtreet a cloud of aſhes flies;
But whether black or lighter dies are worn,
The chandler's basket, on his ſhoulder born,
With tallow ſpots thy coat; refign the way,
To fhun the furly butcher's greaſy tray,
35
Butchers whofe hands are dy'd with blood's foul ftain,
And always foremoſt in the Hangman's train.
Let due civilities be ftrictly paid,
The wall furrender to the hooded maid;
40
4.5
Nor let thy sturdy elbow's hafty rage
Joftle the feeble ſteps of trembling age:
And when the porter bends beneath his load,
And pants for breath; clear thou the crouded road. 50
But, above all, the groping blind direct,
And from the preffing throng the lame protect.
H 3
You'll
150
TRIV I A.
You'll fometimes meet a fop, of niceſt tread,
Whoſe mantling peruke veils his empty head,
At ev'ry ftep he dreads the wall to lofe,
And rifques, to fave a coach, his red-heel'd ſhoes,
Him, like the miller, pafs with caution by,
55
Left from his fhoulder clouds of powder fly.
But when the bully, with affuming pace,
Cocks his broad hat, edg'd round with tarnish'd lace,
Yield not the way; defy his ftrutting pride,
G&
And thruſt him to the muddy kennel's fide;
He never turns again, nor dares oppoſe,
But mutters coward curfes as he goes.
If drawn by bus'nefs to a ftreet unknown,
Let the fworn porter point thee through the town;
Be ſure obſerve the figns, for figns remain,,
Like faithful Land-marks to the walking train.
Seek not from prentices to learn the way,
Thoſe fabling boys will turn thy ſteps aftray;
Ask the grave tradeſman to direct thee right,
He ne'er deceives, but when he profits by't.
Where fam'd St. Giles's ancient limits ſpread,
An inrail'd column rears its lofty head,
J
65
79
Here
TRIV 1 A.
151
Here to fev'n ftreets fev'n dials count the day,
And from each other catch the circling ray.
Here oft the peaſant, with enquiring face,
Bewilder'd, trudges on from place to place;
He dwells on ev'ry fign with ſtupid gaze,
Enter's the narrow alley's doubtful maze,
Tries ev'ry winding court and ftreet in vain,
And doubles o'er his weary fteps again.
Thus hardy Thefeus with intrepid feet,
Travers'd the dang'rous labyrinth of Crete ;
But ftill the wandring paffes forc'd his ſtay,
Till Ariadne's clue unwinds the way.
But do not thou, like that bold chief, confide
Thy ventrous footſteps to a female guide ;
She'll lead thee with delufive fmiles along,
Dive in thy fob, and drop thee in the throng.
When waggiſh boys the ftunted beefom ply
To rid the flabby pavement; pafs not by
Ere thou haft held their hands; fome heedlefs flirt
Will over-ſpread thy calves with ſpatt'ring dirt.
Where porters hogfheads roll from carts aflope,
Or brewers down fteep cellars ftretch the rope,
H 4
75
85
90
95
Where
152
TRIV 1 A.
Where counted billets are by carmen toft,
Stay thy raſh ſtep, and walk without the poft.
What though the gath'ring mire thy feet befmear,
The voice of induftry is always near.
Hark! the boy calls thee to his deſtin'd ſtand,
And the ſhoe ſhines beneath his oily hand.
Here let the Muſe, fatigu'd amid the throng,
Adorn her precepts with digreffive fong;
100
Of ſhirtless youths the ſecret rife to trace,
105
And ſhow the parent of the fable race.
110
Like mortal man, great Jove (grown fond of change)
Of old was wont this nether world to range
To feek amours; the vice the monarch lov'd
Soon through the wide etherial court improv'd,
And e'en the proudeſt Goddeſs now and then
Who lodge a night among the fons of men ;
To vulgar Deities defcends the faſhion,
Each, like her betters, had her earthly paffion.
Then Cloacina (Goddeſs of the tide
Whoſe fable ftreams beneath the city glide)
115
Indulg'd
* Cloacina was a Goddeſs wheſe image Tatius (a King of the
Sabines) found in the common-ſhore, and not knowing what
Goddess
TRIV 1 A.
153
Indulg'd the modiſh flame; the town ſhe rov'd,
A mortal ſcavenger fhe faw, fhe lov'd;
The muddy ſpots that dry'd upon his face,
Like female patches, heighten'd ev'ry grace:
I 20
She gaz'd; the figh'd. For love can beauties ſpy
In what ſeems faults to every common eye.
Now had the watchman walk'd his fecond round;
When Cloacina hears the rumbling found
125
Of her brown lover's cart, for well fhe knows
That pleafing thunder: ſwift the Goddeſs roſe,
And through the streets purfu'd the diftant noiſe,
Her bofom panting with expected joys.
With the night-wandring harlot's airs ſhe paſt,
Bruſh'd near his fide, and wanton glances caft;
In the black form of cinder-wench fhe came,
When love, the hour, the place had baniſh'd ſhame ;
To the dark alley arm in arm they move:
O may no link-boy interrupt their love ;
130
Goddess it was, he call'd it Cloacina from the place in which
it was found, and paid to it divine honours. Lactant, 1. 20.
Minuc. Fel. O&. p. 232;.
HS
When
154
TRIVIA
When the pale moon had nine times fill'd her ſpace,
The pregnant Goddeſs (cautious of diſgrace)
Defcends to earth; but fought no midwife's aid,
Nor mid'ſt her anguiſh to Lucina pray'd;
No cheerful goffip wiſh'd the mother joy,
Alone, beneath a bulk fhe dropt the boy.
136
140
The child through various rifques in years improv'd,
At firſt a beggar's brat, compaffion mov'd;
His infant tongue foon learnt the canting art,
Knew all the pray'rs and whines to touch the heart.
Oh happy unown'd youths, your limbs can bear 145
The fcorching dog-ftar, and the winter's air,
While the rich Infant, nurs'd with care and pain,
Thirfts with each heat, and coughs with ev'ry rain?
150
The Goddefs long had mark'd the child's diftrefs,
And long had fought his fuff'rings to redreſs;
She prays the Gods to take the fondling's part,
To teach his hands fome beneficial art
Practis'd in Streets: the Gods her fuit allow'd,
And made him ufeful to the walking croud,
To
TRIV I A.
155
To cleanſe the miry feet, and o'er the ſhoe
With nimble skill the gloffy black renew,
Each Power contributes to relieve the poor:
With the ftrong briftles of the mighty boar
Diana forms his bruſh; the God of day
A tripod gives, amid the crouded way
To raiſe the dirty foot, and eaſe his toil
Kind Neptune fills his vafe with fetid oil
3
155
160
'Preft from th' enormous whale: The God of fire,
From whofe dominions fmoky clouds afpire,
Among theſe gen'rous preſents joins his part,
165
And aids with foot the new japanning art;
Pleas'd ſhe receives the gifts; fhe downward glides,
Lights in Fleet-ditch, and fhoots beneath the tides,
Now dawns the morn, the ſturdy lad awakes,
Leaps from his fall, his tangled hair he fhakes,
Then leaning o'er the rails, he mufing flood,
And view'd below the black canal of mud,
Where common-fhores a lulling murmur keep,
Whoſe torrents rush from Holborn's fatal fteep:
Penfive through idleness, tears flow'd apace,
Which eas'd his loaded heart, and wash'd his face ;
170
175
Ai
156
TRIV 1 A.
At length he fighing cry'd; That boy was bleft,
Whoſe infant lips have drain'd a mother's breaſt;
But happier far are thoſe, (if ſuch be known)
Whom both a father and a mother own :
But I, alas! hard fortune's utmoſt fcorn,
Who ne'er knew parent, was an orphan born!
Some boys are rich by birth beyond all wants,
Belov'd by uncles, and kind good old aunts;
180
When time comes round, a Chriſtmas box they bear,
And one day makes them rich for all the year.
186
Had I the precepts of a father learn'd,
Perhaps I then the coachman's fare had earn'd,
For leffer boys can drive; I thirſty ſtand
And fee the double flaggon charge their hand,
See them puff off the froth, and gulp amain,
While with dry tongue I lick my lips in vain.
While thus he fervent prays, the heaving tide
In widen'd circles beats on either fide;
The Goddeſs rofe amid the inmoſt round,
With wither'd turnip-tops her temples crown'd;
Low reach'd her dipping treffes, lank, and black
As the fmooth jet, or gloffy raven's back
190
195
Around
TRIVIA
157
Around her waiſte a circling eel was twin'd,
Which bound her robe that hung in rags behind.
Now beck'ning to the boy; fhe thus begun,
Thy prayers are granted; weep no more, my fon:
Go thrive. At fome frequented corner ſtand,
This bruſh I give thee, grafp it in thy hand.
Temper the foot within this vafe of oil,
And let the little tripod aid thy toil;
On this methinks I fee the walking crew
At thy requeſt fupport the miry fhoe,
200
205
210
The foot grows black that was with dirt embrown'd,
And in thy pocket gingling halfpence found.
The Goddeſs plunges fwift beneath the flood,
And daſhes all around her fhow'rs of mud;
The youth ftraight chofe his poft; the labour ply'd
Where branching ftreets from Charing-cross divide;
His treble voice refound, along the Meuſe,
And White-ball echoes
215
Clean your Honour's fhoes.
Like the ſweet ballad, this amuſing lay
Too long detains the walker on his way;
While he attends new dangers round him throng;
The bufy city asks inftructive fong,
220
Where
158
TRIVI A.
Where elevated o'er the gaping croud,
Clafp'd in the board the perjur'd head is bow'd,
Betimes retreat; here, thick as hailstones pour,
Turnips, and half-hatch'd eggs, (a mingled fhow'r)
Among the rabble rain: Some random throw
May with the trickling yolk thy cheek o'erflow.
225
231
Though expedition bids, yet never ſtray
Where no rang'd pofts defend the rugged way.
Here laden carts with thundring waggons meet,
Wheels claſh with wheels, and bar the narrow ſtreet 3
The laſhing whip refounds, the horſes ftrain,
And blood in anguiſh burſts the ſwelling vein.
O barb'rous men, your cruel beafts affwage,
Why vent you on the gen'rous feed your rage?
Does not his fervice earn you daily bread?
Your wives, your children, by his labours fed!
If, as the Samian taught, the ſoul revives,
And, fhifting feats, in other bodies lives :
235
Severe fhall be the brutal coachman's change,
Doom'd in a hackney horſe the town to range:
Carmen, transform'd, the groaning load fhall draw,
Whom other tyrants with the laſh ſhall awe,
240
Whe
TRIV I A.
159
Who would of Watling-freet the dangers fhare,
When the broad pavement of Cheap-fide is near?
Or who that rugged ftreet would traverſe o'er,
That ftretches, O Fleet-ditch, from thy black fhore
To the Tow'r's moated walls? Here fteams afcend
That, in mix'd fumes, the winkled nofe offend.
Where chandlers cauldrons boil; where fifhy prey
Hide the wet ftall, long abfent from the ſea;
And where the clever chops the heifer's ſpoil,
And where huge hogfheads fweat with trainy oil,
Thy breathing noftril hold, but how ſhall I
Pafs, where in piles ‡ Carnavian cheeſes lie;
Cheeſe, that the table's cloſing rites denies,
1
And bids me with th' unwilling chaplain rife.
245
250
255
O bear me to the paths of fair Pell-mell,
Safe are thy pavements, grateful is thy fmell;
At distance rolls along the gilded coach,
Nor fturdy carmen on thy walks encroach;
260
No lets would bar thy ways were chairs deny'd
The ſoft fupports of lazineſs and pride;
*Thames-street.
Cheshire ansiently fo called,
Shops
160
TRIV I A.
Shops breathe perfumes, thro' faſhes ribbons glow,
The mutual arms of ladies, and the beau.
Yet ftill ev'n here, when rains the paffage hide,
Oft' the looſe ſtones fpirts up a muddy tide
Beneath thy careleſs foot; and from on high,
Where maſons mount the ladder, fragments fly;
Mortar, and crumbled lime in fhow'rs defcend,
And o'er thy head deftructive tiles impend.
But fometimes let me leave the noiſy roads,
And filent wander in the cloſe abodes
265
270
Where wheels ne'er fhake the ground; there penfive ftray,
In ftudious thought the long uncrowded way.
Here I remark each walker's diff'rent face,
275
And in their look their various bus'nefs trace.
The broker here his fpacious beaver wears,
Upon his brow fit jealoufies and cares;
Bent on fome mortgage (to avoid reproach)
He feeks bye ftreets, and fave th' expenfive coach. 280
Soft, at low doors, old letchers tap their cane,
For fair reclufe, who travels Drury lane;
Here roams uncomb'd the laviſh rake, to ſhun
His Fleet-ftreet draper's everlaſting dun.
Careful
TRIV I A.
161
285
Careful obfervers, ſtudious of the town,
Shun the misfortunes that diſgrace the clown;
Untempted, they contemn the jugler's feats,
Paſs by the Meufe, nor try the
thimble's cheats.
When drays bound high, they never croſs behind,
Where bubbling yeft is blown by gufts of wind:
And when up Ludgate-hill huge carts move flow,
Far from the ſtraining ſteeds fecurely go,
Whoſe daſhing hoofs behind them fling the mire,
And mark with muddy blots the gazing 'ſquire.
The Parthian thus his jav'lin backward throws,
And as he flies infefts purſuing foes:
The thoughtless wits fhall frequent forfeits pay,
Who 'gainſt their centry's box diſcharge their tea-
Do thou fome court, or ſecret corner ſeek,
Nor fluſh with ſhame the paffing virgin's cheek.
Yet let me not deſcend to trivial ſong,
Nor vulgar circumſtance my verſe prolong;
Why ſhould I teach the maid when torrents pour,
Her head to fhelter from the fudden fhow'r ?
290
295
300
A Cheat commonly practis'd in the streets with three thimbles
and a little ball.
Nature
162
TRIVIA.
Nature will beft her ready hand inform,
With her ſpread petticoat to fence the ſtorm.
Does not each walker know the warning fign,
When wifps of ſtraw depend upon the twine.
Croſs the cloſe ſtreet; that then the paver's art
305
Renews the ways, deny'd to coach and cart?
Who knows not that the coachman laſhing by,
Oft with his flourish cuts the heedlefs eye;
And when he takes his ftand, to wait a fare,
His horfes foreheads fhun the winter's air ?
Nor will I roain when fummer's fultry rays
310
315
Parch the dry ground, and ſpread with duft the ways;
With whirling gufts the rapid atoms riſe,
Smoke o'er the pavement, and involve the skies.
Winter my theme confines; whofe nitry wind
Shall cruft the flabby mire, and kennels bind ;
She bids the fnow deſcend in flaky ſheets,
And in her hoary mantle cloath the ſtreets.
Let not the virgin tread theſe flipp'ry roads,
The gath'ring fleece the hollow patten loads;
But if thy footsteps flide with clotted froft,
Strike off the breaking balls againſt the poſt.
320
323
>
On
TRIV 1 A.
163
On filent wheel the paffing coaches roll;
Oft look behind and ward the threatning pole.
In harden'd orbs the ſchool-boy moulds the fnow,
To mark the coachman with a dextrous throw.
Why do ye, boys, the kennel's furface ſpread,
To tempt with faithlefs pafs the matron's tread?
How can ye laugh to fee the damfel ſpurn,
Sink in your frauds, and her green ſtocking mourn ?
At White's the harneſs'd chairman idly ſtands,
And fwings around his wafte his tingling hands:
The fempſtreſs ſpeeds to 'Change with red-tipt noſe;
The Belgian ſtove beneath her foot-ftool glows;
In half-whipt muflin needles uſeleſs lie,
And ſhuttle-cocks across the counter fly.
330
335
340
Theſe ſports warm harmleſs; why then will ye prove,
Deluded maids the dang'rous flame of love?
Where Covent Garden's famous temple ftands,
That boaſts the work of Jones' immortal hands;
Columns with plain magnificence appear,
And graceful porches lead along the fquare:
Here oft my courfe I bend, when lo! from far,
I fpy the furies of the foot-ball war:
345
The
164
TRIVI A.
The 'prentice quits his fhop, to join the crew,
Increafing crowds the flying game purſue.
Thus, as you roll the ball o'er fnowy ground,
The gath'ring globe augments with every round.
But whither ſhall I run? the throng draws nigh,
The ball now skims the ſtreet, now foars on high;
The dext'rous glazier ftrong returns the bound,
And gingling faſhes on the pent-houſe ſound.
O roving Mufe, recal that wond'rous year,
When winter reign'd in bleak Britannia's air;
When hoary Thames, with frofted oziers crown'd,
Was three long moons in icy fetters bound,
The waterman, forlorn along the ſhore,
Penfive reclines upon his uſeleſs oar,
See harneſs'd ſteeds defert the ftony town;
And wander roads unſtable, not their own:
350
355
360
Wheels o'er the harden'd waters ſmoothly glide, 365
And rafe with whiten'd tracks the flipp'ry tide.
Here the fat cook piles high the blazing fire,
And ſcarce the fpit can turn the ſteer entire.
Booths fudden hide the Thames, long ftreets appear,
And num'rous games proclaim the crouded fair.
370
So
TRIV I A.
So when a gen'ral bids the martial train
Spread their encampment o'er the ſpacious plain;
Thick-rifing tents a canvas city build,
And the loud dice rofound thro' all the field.
165
'Twas here the matron found a doleful fate:
Let elegiac lay the woe relate,
375
Soft as the breath of diſtant flutes, at hours
When filent ev'ning cloſes up the flow'rs;
Lulling as falling water's hollow noiſe;
Indulging grief, like Philomela's voice.
380
Doll ev'ry day had walk'd theſe treach'rous roads ;
Her neck grew warpt beneath autumnal loads
Of various fruit; fhe now a basket bore,
That head alas! fhall basket bear no more.
Each booth fhe frequent paft, in queſt of gain,
And boys with pleaſure heard her fhrilling ftrain.
385
Ah Doll! all mortals muft refign their breath,
And induſtry it ſelf ſubmit to death!
The cracking cryftal yields, fhe finks, fhe dies,
Her head, chopt off, from her loft fhoulders flies; 390
Pippins fhe cry'd, but death her voice confounds,
And pip-pip-pip along the ice reſounds.
So
166
TRIVIA.
So when the Thracian furies Orpheus tore,
And left his bleeding trunk deform'd with gore,
His fever'd head floats down the filver tide,
His yet warm tongue for his loft confort cry'd;
Eurydice with quiv'ring voice he mourn'd,
And Heber's banks Eurydice return'd.
395
But now the weſtern gale the flood unbinds,
And black'ning clouds move on with warmer winds.
The wooden town its frail foundation leaves,
408
And Thames' full urn rolls down his plenteous waves ;
From ev'ry penthouſe ftreams the fleeting fnow,
And with diffolving froft the pavements flow.
Experienc'd men, inur'd to city ways,
Need not the Calendar to count their days.
When through the town with flow and folemn air,
Led by the noftril, walks the muzled bear ;
Behind him moves majeſtically dull,
405
The pride of Hockley-hole, the furly bull;
410
Learn hence the periods of the week to name,
Mondays and Thurſdays are the days of game.
When fishy ſtalls with double ſtore are laid;
The golden-belly'd carp, the broad-finn'd maid,
Red-
TRIV I A.
167
Red-fpeckled trouts, the falmon's filver joul,
The jointed lobſter, and unſcaly foale,
And luſcious 'ſcallops to allure the taſtes
Of rigid zealots to delicious falls;
415
Wedneſdays and Fridays you'll obſerve from hence,
Days, when our fires were doom'd to abſtinence. 420
When dirty waters from balconies drop,
And dext'rous damfels twirl the ſprinkling mop,
And cleanſe the ſpatter'd faſh, and ſcrub the ſtairs ;
Know Saturday's conclufive morn appears.
Succeffive cries the feafon's change declare,
And mark the monthly progrefs of the year,
Hark, how the ſtreets with treble voices ring,
To fell the bounteous product of the fpring!
Sweet-ſmelling flow'rs, and elder's early bud,
With nettle's tender fhoots, to cleanſe the blood :
And when June's thunder cools the fultry skies,
Ev'n Sundays are profan'd by mackrell cries.
Walnuts the fruit'rer's hand, in autumn, ftain,
Blue plumbs and juicy pears augment his gain;
'.
425
430
Next
!
168
TRIVIA.
Next oranges the longing boys entice,
To truft their copper fortunes to the dice.
When roſemary, and bays the Poet's crown,
Are bawl'd in frequent cries through all the town;
Then judge the feſtival of Christmas near,
Chriſtmas the joyous period of the year.
Now with bright holly all your temples ftrow,
With laurel green, and facred miſletoe.
Now, heav'n-born Charity, thy bleffings fhed;
Bid meagre Want uprear her fickly head:
435
440
Bid ſhiv'ring limbs be warm; let plenty's bowle
445
In humble roofs make glad the needy foul.
See, fee, the heav'n-born maid her bleffings fhed;
Lo! meagre want uprears her fickly head ;
Cloath'd are the naked, and the needy glad,
While ſelfiſh Avarice alone is fad.
Proud coaches pafs regardleſs of the moan
Of infant orphans, and the widow's groan;
While Charity ftill moves the walker's mind,
His lib'ral purfe relieves the lame and blind,
Judiciouſly thy half-pence are beſtow'd,
Where the laborious beggar fweeps the road.
450
455
What-
TRIVI A.
169
Whate'er you give, give ever at demand,
Nor let old age long ftretch his palfy'd hand,
Thoſe who give late are importun'd each day,
And ſtill are teiz'd becauſe they ſtill delay.
If e'er the mifer durft his farthings ſpare,
He thinly ſpreads them through the publick ſquare,
Where, all befide the rail, rang'd beggars lie,
And from each other catch the doleful cry;
460
With heav'n, for two-pence, cheaply wipes his fcore,
up his eyes, and haftes to beggar more.
Lifts
Where the brafs knocker, wrapt in flannel band,
Forbids the thunder of the footman's hand ;
Th'upholder, rueful harbinger of death,
Waits with impatience for the dying breath;
As vultures, o'er a camp, with hov'ring flight,
Snuff up the future carnage of the fight.
Here can't thou paſs, unmindful of a pray’r,
That heav'n in mercy may thy brother ſpare?
Come, F*** fincere, experienc'd friend,
Thy briefs, thy deeds, and e'en thy fees fufpend;
Come let us leave the Temple's filent walls,
Me bus'nefs to my diftant lodging calls:
VOL. I.
I
466
470
475
Through
170
TRIV I A.
Through the long Strand together let us ftray:
With thee converfing I forget the way.
Behold that narrow ftreet which ſteep defcends,
Whoſe building to the flimy fhore extends;
Here Arundel's fam'd ftructure rear'd its frame,
The ſtreet alone retains the empty name:
Where Titian's glowing paint the canvas warm'd,
And Raphael's fair defign, with judgment, charm'd,
Now hangs the bell-man's fong, and paſted here
The colour'd prints of Overton appear.
Where ftatues breath'd, the work of Phidias' hands,
A wooden pump, or lonely watch-houſe ſtands.
There Effex ftately pile adorn'd the ſhore,
There Cecil's, Bedford's, Villers', now no more.
Yet Burlington's fair palace ſtill remains ;
Beauty within, without proportion reigns,
Beneath his eye declining art revives,
The wall with animated picture lives;
There Hendel frikes the ftrings, the melting ftrain
Tranſports the foul, and thrills through ev'ry vein;
There oft I enter, (but with cleaner fhoes)
For Burlington's belov'd by ev'ry Mufe.
480
485
490
495
TRIVIA.
171
O ye affociate walkers, O my friends,
Upon your ſtate what happineſs attends!
What, though no coach to frequent vifit rolls,
Nor for your fhilling chairmen fling their poles ;
Yet ftill your nerves rheumatic pains defy,
Nor lazy jaundice dulls your faffron eye;
No wafting cough difcharges founds of death,
Nor wheezing aſthma heaves in vain for breath;
Nor from your reſtleſs couch is heard the groan
Of burning gout, or fedentary ftone.
505
510
Let others in the jolting coach confide,
Or in the leaky boat the Thames divide;
+
Or, box'd within the chair, contemn the ſtreet,
And trust their fafety to another's feet,
Still let me walk; for oft the fudden gale
Ruffles the tide, and ſhifts the dang’rous fail.
Then fhall the paffenger too late deplore
The whelming billow, and the faithleſs oar;
The drunken chairman in the kennel ſpurns,
The glaffes fhatters, and his charge o’erturns.
Who can recount the coach's various harms,
The legs disjointed, and the broken arms?
SI5
520
I 2
I've
172
TRIV I A.
I've ſeen a beau, in fome ill-fated hour,
When o'er the ftones choak'd kennels fwell the ſhow'r
In gilded chariot loll, he with diſdain
Views fpatter'd paffengers all drench'd in rain;
With mud fill'd high, the rumbling cart draws near,
Now rule thy prancing fteeds, lac'd charioteer !
The duſt-man laſhes on with ſpiteful rage,
His pond'rous ſpokes thy painted wheel engage,
Crush'd is thy pride, down falls the fhrieking beau,
The flabby pavement cryftal fragments ftrow,
Black floods of mire th' embroider'd coat diſgrace,
And mud enwraps the honours of his face.
525
530
So when dread Jove the fon of Phabus hurl'd,
Scarr'd with dark thunder, to the nether world;
535
The headstrong courfers tore the filver reins,
And the fun's beamy ruin gilds the plains.
If the pale walker pant with weak'ning ills,
His fickly hand is flor'd with friendly bills:
540
From hence he learns the feventh-born doctor's fame,
From hence he learns the cheapeſt tailor's name.
Shall the large mutton ſmoke, upon your boards?
Such, Newgate's copious market beft affords.
Wouldft
TRIV 1 A.
173
Wouldst thou with mighty beef augment thy meal ?
Seek Leaden-hall, St. James's fends thee veal,
Thames-ſtreet gives cheeſes; Covent-garden fruits ;
Moor-fields old books; and Monmouth-ſtreet old ſuits.
Hence may'ſt thou well fupply the wants of life,
Support thy family, and clothe thy wife.
Volumes, on ſhelter'd ſtalls expanded lie,
And various fcience lures the learned eye;
546
550
The bending fhelves with pond'rous fcholiafts groan,
And deep divines to modern ſhops unknown:
Here, like the bee, that on induftrious wing
Collects the various odours of the ſpring,
Walkers, at leifure, learning's flow'rs may fpoil,
Nor watch the wafting of the midnight oil,
May morals fnatch from Plutarch's tatter'd page,
A mildew'd Bacon, or Stagyra's fage.
Here faunt'ring prentices o'er Otway weep,
O'er Congreve ſmile, or over D ** fleep ;
Pleas'd femftreffes the Lock's fam'd Rape unfold,
And Squirts read Garth, 'till apozems grow cold.
555
560
* The name of an Apothecary's boy, in the Poem of the Dif
penfary.
I 3
374
TRIV I A.
O Lintot, let my labours obvious lie,
Rang'd on thy ftall, for ev'ry curious eye;
So fhall the poor theſe precepts gratis know,
And to my verſe their future fafeties owe.
What walker fhall his mean ambition fix
On the falfe luftre of a coach and fix?
Let the vain virgin, lur'd by glaring ſhow,
Sigh for the liv'ries of th' embroider'd beau.
See yon bright chariot on its braces fwing,
With Flanders mares, and on an arched ſpring
That wretch to gain an equipage and place,
Betray'd his fifter to a lewd embrace.
This coach that with the blazon'd 'fcutcheon glows,
Vain of his unknown race, the coxcomb fhows.
Here the brib'd lawyer, funk in velvet, fleeps;
The ſtarving orphan, as he paffes, weeps ;
There flames a fool, begirt with tinfell'd flaves,
Who waſtes the wealth of a whole race of knaves.
565
570
575
589
That other, with a cluftring train behind,
Owes his new honours to a fordid mind.
This next in court-fidelity excells,
The publick rifles, and his country fells.
585
· May
TRIV I A.
175
May the proud chariot never be my fate,
If purchas'd at fo mean, fo dear a rate;
O rather give me fweet content on foot,
Wrapt in my virtue, and a good Surtout !
"
590
TRIVIA,
1 4
TRIVI A.
BOOK III.
Of walking the Streets by Night.
TRIVIA Goddefs, leave thefe low abodes,
And traverſe o'er the wide ethereal roads,
Celeſtial Queen, put on thy robes of light,
Now Cynthia nam'd, fair regent of the
Night.
At fight of thee the villain fheaths his fword,
Nor ſcales the wall, to fteal the wealthy hoard.
O may thy filver lamp from heaven's high bow'r
Direct my footsteps in the midnight hour!
5
When
TRIV I A.
177
When night firſt bids the twinkling ſtars appear,
Or with her cloudy veft inwraps the air,
Then fwarms the bufy ftreet; with caution tread,
Where the ſhop-windows falling threat thy head;
Now lab'rers home return, and join their ſtrength
To bear the tott'ring plank, or ladder's length;
Still fix thy eyes intent upon the throng,
And as the paſſes open, wind along.
10
35
Where the fair columns of St. Clement ftand,
Whoſe flraiten'd bounds encroach upon the Strand ;
Where the low penthouſe bows the walker's head, 20
And the rough pavement wounds the yielding tread;
Where not a poſt protects the narrow ſpace,
And ftrung in twines, combs dangle in thy face;
Summon at once thy courage, rouze thy care,
Stand firm, look back, be refolute, beware,
Forth iffuing from ſteep lanes, the collier's ſteeds
Drag the black load; another cart fucceeds,
Team follows team, crouds heap'd on crouds appear,
And wait impatient, 'till the road grow clear.
Now all the pavement founds with trampling feet,
And the mixt hurry barricades the fireet,
I 5
25
30
En-
178
TRIV I A.
35
Entangled here, the waggon's lengthen'd team
Cracks the tough harneſs; here a pond'rous beam
Lies over-turn'd athwart; for flaughter fed
Here lowing bullocks raiſe their horned head.
Now oaths grow loud, with coaches coaches jar,
And the ſmart blow provokes the ſturdy war;
From the high box they whirl the thong around,
And with the twining laſh their fhins refound:
Their rage ferments, more dang'rous wounds they try,
And the blood guſhes down their painful eye,
40
And now on foot the frowning warriours light,
And with their pond'rous fifts renew the fight;
Blow anſwers blow, their checks are fmear'd with blood,
"Till down they fall, and grappling roll in mud.
So when two boars, in wild † Ytene bred,
Or on Weftphalia's fatt'ning cheftnuts fed,
Gnaſh their ſharp tusks, and rous'd with equal fire,
Difpute the reign of fome luxurious mire ;
45.
In the black flood they wallow o'er and o'er,
"Till their arm'd jaws diftil with foam and gore..
5.0
Where the mob gathers, fwiftly fhoot along,
Nor idly mingle in the noify throng.
† New-Foreſt in Hampſhire, anciently ſo called.
Lur'd
TRIVI A.
179
•
Lur'd by the filver hilt, amid the fwarm,
The fubtil artiſt will thy fide diſarm.
Nor is the flaxen wig with fafety worn ;
High on the ſhoulder, in a basket born,
Lurks the fly boy; whofe hand to rapine bred,
Plucks off the curling honours of thy head.
Here dives the skulking thief, with practis'd flight,
And unfelt fingers make thy pocket light.
Where's now thy watch, with all its trinkets, flown;
And thy late fnuff-box is no more thy own.
But lo! his bolder thefts fome tradeſman ſpies,
Swift from his prey the fcudding lurcher flies;
Dext❜rous he 'ſcapes the coach with nimble bounds,
Whilft ev'ry honeft tongue ftop thief refounds.
So fpeeds the wily fox, alarm'd by fear,
Who lately filch'd the turkey's callow care;
Hounds following hounds, grow louder as he flies,
And injur'd tenants join the hunter's cries.
Breathless he ſtumbling falls: Ill fated boy!
Why did not honeſt work thy youth employ ?
Seiz'd by rough hands, he's drag'd amid the rout,
And ftretch'd beneath the pump's inceffant ſpout:
Or plung'd in miry ponds, he gaſping lies,
55
60
66
70
75
Mud choaks his mouth, and plaifters o'er his eyes.
Let
180
TRIVI A.
Let not the ballad finger's fhrilling ftrain
Amid the fwarm thy lift'ning ear detain:
Guard well thy pocket; for theſe Sirens ftand,
To aid the labours of the diving hand;
Confed'rate in the cheat, they draw the throng,
And cambrick handkerchiefs reward the ſong.
But foon as coach or cart drives rattling on,
80
The rabble part, in fhoals they backward run.
So Jove's loud bolts the mingled war divide,
And Greece and Troy retreat on either fide.
8.5
บา
90
If the rude throng pour on with furious pace,
And hap to break thee from a friend's embrace,
Stop ſhort; nor ftruggle through the croud in vain,
But watch with careful eye the paſſing train.
Yet I (perhaps too fond) if chance the tide
'Tumultuous, bear my partner from my fide,
Impatient venture back; defpifing harm,
I force my paffage where the thickeſt ſwarm.
Thus his loft bride the Trojan fought in vain
'Through night, and arms, and flames, and hills of flain,
Thus Nifus wander'd o'er the pathlefs grove,
To find the brave companion of his love,
9.5
The
TRIV I A
181
The pathleſs grove in vain he wanders o'er:
Euryalus, alas! is now no more.
That walker, who regardleſs of his pace,
Turns oft to pore upon the damfel's face,
From fide to fide by thrulling elbows toſt,
Shall ſtrike his aking breaſt againſt the poſt;
100
Or water dafh'd from fifhy ftalls fhall ſtain
105
His hapless coat with fpirts of ſcaly rain.
But if unwarily he chance to ftray,
Where twirling turnstiles intercept the way,
The thwarting paffenger fhall force them round,
And beat the wretch half breathlefs to the ground. 170
Let conſtant vigilance thy footſteps guide,
And wary circumfpection guard thy fide;
Then ſhalt thou walk unharm'd the dang'rous night,
Nor need th' officious link-boy's fmoaky light.
Thou never wilt attempt to croſs the road,
Where alehouſe benches reft the porter's load,
Grievous to heedlefs fhins; no barrow's wheel,
That bruifes oft the truant ſchool-boy's heel.
Behind thee rolling, with infidious pace,
Shall mark thy stocking with a miry trace.
115
120
Let
182
TRIVIA
Let not thy vent'rous fteps approach too nigh,
Where gaping wide, low fteepy cellars lie;
Should thy fhoe wrench afide, down, down you fall,
And overturn the ſcolding huckſter's ſtall,
The ſcolding huckſter ſhall not o'er thee moan,
But pence exact for nuts and pears o'erthrown.
Though you through cleanlier allies wind by day,
To fhun the hurries of the publick way,
Yet ne'er to thoſe dark paths by night retire;
125
Mind only fafety and contemn the mire,
130
Then no impervious courts thy hafte detain,
Nor fneering alewives bid thee turn again.
Where Lincoln's-Inn, wide ſpace is rail'd around,
Croſs not with vent'rous fteps, there oft is found
The lurking thief, who while the day-light fhone, 135
Made the walls echo with his begging tone;
That crutch which late compaffion mov'd, fhall wound
Thy bleeding head, and fell thee to the ground.
Though thou art tempted by the link-man's call,
Yet truft him not along the lonely wall;
In the midway he'll quench the flaming brand,
And ſhare the booty with the pilf'ring band.
}
140
Sull
TRIV Í A.
183
Still keep the publick ftreets, where oily rays.
Shot from the cryſtal lamp, o'erſpread the ways.
Happy Augufta! law-defended town!
Here no dark lanthorns fhade the villain's frown;
145
No Spanish jealoufies thy lanes infeft,
Nor Roman vengeance ftabs the unwary breaſt;
Here tyranny ne'er lifts her purple hand,
But liberty and juftice guard the land
No bravos here profeſs the bloody trade,
Nor is the church the murd'rer's refuge made.
150
Let not the chairman with affuming ftride,
Prefs near the wall, and rudely thruſt thy fide;
The laws have fet him bounds; his fervile feet
Should ne'er encroach where pofts defend the ftreet.
155
Yet who the footman's arrogance can quell,
Whofe flambeau gilds the faſhes of Pell-mell,
When in long rank a train of torckes flame,
To light the midnight vifits of the dame?
Other, perhaps, by happier guidance led,
May where the chairman refts with ſafety tread ;
Whene'er I pafs, their poles unfeen below,
Make my knee tremble with the jarring blow.
160
If
184
TRIV I A..
If wheels bar up the road where ſtreets are croft, 165
With gentle words the coachman's ear accoft:
He ne'er the threat, or harſh coinmand obeys,
But with contempt the fpatter'd fhoe furveys.
Now man with utmoſt fortitude thy foul,
To croſs the way where carts and coaches roll;
Yet do not in thy hardy skill confide,
Nor rafhly rifque the kennel's ſpacious ftride;
170
Stay till afar the diftant wheel you hear,
Like dying thunder in the breaking air;
Thy foot will flide upon the miry ſtone,
And paffing coaches cruſh thy tortur'd bone,
Or wheels incloie the road; on either hand
Pent round with perils, in the midſt you fland,
And call for aid in vain; the coachman fwears,
And car-man drive, unmindful of thy prayers.
Where wilt thou turn? ah! whither wilt thou fly ?
175
180
On ev'ry fide the preffing fpokes are nigh.
So failors, while Charybdis' gulph they fhun,
Amaz'd, on Scylla's craggy dangers run.
Be ſure obferve where brown Oftrea ftands,
Who boaſts her ſhelly ware from Wallfleet fands;
185
There
TRIV I A.
185
There may'ft thou paſs, with fafe unmiry feet,
Where the rais'd pavement leads athwart the ſtreet.
If where Fleet-ditch with muddy current flows,
You chance to roam; where oyfter-tubs in rows
Are rang'd befide the pofts; there ſtay thy hafte,
And with the fav'ry fish indulge thy taſte :
The damfel's knife the gaping ſhell commands,
While the falt liquor ftreams between her hands.
The man had fure a palate cover'd o'er
With braſs or ſteel, that on the rocky ſhore
First broke the oozy oyfter's pearly coat,
And rifqu'd the living morfel down his throat.
What will not lux'ry tafte? Earth, fea, and air
Are daily ranfack'd for the bill of fare.
Blood ſtuff'd in skins is British chriſtian's food,
And France robs marſhes of the croaking brood
Spungy morells in ftrong ragoufs are found,
And in the foupe the flimy ſnail is drown'd.
190
195
200
When from high ſpouts the dafhing torrents fall, 205
Ever be watchful to maintain the wall;
For fhould'ft thou quit thy ground, the ruſhing throng
Will with impetuous fury drive along ;
All
186
TRIVIA
All preſs to gain thoſe honours thou haſt loſt,
And rudely fhove thee far without the poſt.
Then to retrieve the ſhed you ſtrive in vain,
Draggled all o'er, and foak'd in floods of rain.
Yet rather bear the fhow'r, and toils of mud,
Than in the doubtful quarrel rifque thy blood.
O think on OEdipus' detefted ftate,
And by his woes be warn'd to fhun thy fate.
210
215
220
Where three roads join'd, he met his fire unknown;
(Unhappy fire, but more unhappy fon!)
Each claim'd the way, their fwords the ftrife decide,
The hoary monarch fell, he groan'd and dy'd!
Hence ſprung the fatal plague that thin'd thy reign,
Thy curfed inceft! and thy children ſlain!
Hence wert thou doom'd in endleſs night to ftray
Through Theban streets, and cheerlefs grope thy way.
Contemplate, mortal, on thy fleeting years;
See, with black train the funeral pomp appears!
Whether fome heir attends in fable fate,
And mourns with outward grief a parent's fate
Or the fair virgin, nipt in beauty's bloom,
A croud of lovers follow to her tomb.
;
225
230
Why
TRIV I A.
187
Why is the herfe with 'fcutcheons blazon'd round,
And with the nodding plume of Oftrich crown'd?
No: The dead know it not, nor profit gain ;
It only ferves to prove the living vain.
How ſhort is life? how frail is human truſt?
Is all this pomp for laying duft to duſt !
Where the nail'd hoop defends the painted ftall,
Bruſh not thy ſweeping skirt too near the wall;
Thy heedleſs ſleeve will drink the colour'd oil,
And ſpot indelible thy pocket foil.
235
}
240
Has not wife nature ftrung the legs and feet
With firmeft nerves, defign'd to walk the ſtreet?
Has fhe not given us hands to grope aright,
Amidst the frequent dangers of the night?
And think'st thou not the double noſtril meant,
To warn from oily woes by previous fcent?
245
* Who can the various city frauds recite,
With all the petty rapines of the night?
Who now the Guinea-dropper's bait regards,
Trick'd by the ſharper's dice, or juggler's cards!
250
* Various cheats formerly in practice,
Why
188
TRIVI A.
Why should I warn thee ne'er to join the fray,
Where the fham-quarrel interrupts the way?
Lives there in theſe our days fo foft a clown,
Brav'd by the bully's oaths or threatning frown;
I need not ftrict enjoin the pocket's care,
When from the crouded play thou lead'ft the fair;
Who has not here, or watch, or fnuff-box loft,
Or handkerchiefs that India's fhuttle boaft?
255
O! may thy virtue guard thee through the roads.
Of Drury's mazy courts, and dark abodes.
The harlot's guileful paths, who nightly ſtand,
Where Katharine-ftreet defcends into the Strand.
Say, vagrant Muſe, their wiles and fubtil arts,
To lure the ſtranger's unfufpecting hearts:
So fhall our youth on healthful finews tread,
And city cheeks grow warm with rural red.
260
265
'Tis fhe who nightly ftrowls with faunt'ring pace,
No ftubborn ftays, her yielding ſhape embrace ;
Beneath the lamp her tawdry ribbons glare,
The new-fcower'd manteau, and the flattern air ; 270
High-draggled petticoats her travels fhow,
And hollow cheeks with artful bluſhes glow;
With
TRIV I A.
189
With flatt'ring founds fhe fooths the cred'lous ear,
My noble captain! charmer! love! my dear!
In riding-hood near tavern-doors fhe plies,
Or muffled pinners hide her livid eyes.
With empty banbox fhe delights to range,
And feigns a diſtant errand from the Change;
Nay, ſhe will oft the Quaker's hood prophane,
And trudge demure the rounds of Drury-lane.
She darts from farínet ambuſh wily leers,
Twitches thy fleeve, or with familiar airs
Her fan will pat the cheek; theſe fnares difdain,
Nor gaze behind thee when ſhe turns again.
I knew a yeoman, who for thirſt of gain
To the great city drove from Devon's plain
His num'rous lowing herd; his herds he ſold,
And his deep leathern pocket bagg'd with gold;
Drawn by a fraudful nymph, he gaz'd, he figh'd;
Unmindful of his home, and diſtant bride,
She leads the willing victim to his doom,
Through winding alleys to her cobweb room.
275
280
285
290
Thence through the ſtreet he reels, from poft to poſt,
Valiant with wine, nor knows his treaſure loſt.
The
190
TRIVIA.
The vagrant wretch the affembled watchmen fpies, 295
He waves his hanger, and their poles defies;
Deep in the Round-houſe pent, all night he fnores,
And the next morn in vain his fate deplores.
Ah hapless fwain, unus'd to pains and ills!
Canft thou forgo roaft-beef for naufeous pills?
How wilt thou lift to Heav'n thy eyes and hands,
When the long ſcroll the furgeon's fees demands!
Or elfe (ye Gods avert that worſt diſgrace)
Thy ruin'd noſe falls level with thy face,
Then fhall thy wife thy loathfome kiſs difdain,
And wholfom neighbours from thy mug refrain.
309
305
Yet there are watchmen who with friendly light
Will teach thy reeling ſteps to tread aright;
For fixpence will ſupport thy helpleſs arm,
And home conduct thee, fafe from nightly harm; 310
But if they ſhake their lanthorns, from afar
To call their breth'ren to confed'rate war
When rakes refift their pow'r; if hapless you
Should chance to wander with the fcow'ring crew;
Though fortune yield thee captive, ne'er deſpair, 215
But feek the conſtable's confid’rate ear ;
He
TRIVIA
Igr
He will reverſe the watchman's harsh decree,
Mov'd by the rhet'rick of a filver fee.
Thus would you gain fome fav'rite courtier's word :
Fee not the petty clerks, but bribe my Lord.
Now is the time that rakes their revels keep:
Kindlers of riot, enemies of fleep.
*
320
His fcatter'd pence the flying Nicker flings,
And with the copper ſhow'r the caſement rings.
Who has not heard the Scourer's midnight fame?
Who has not trembled at the Mohock's name?
Was there a watchman took his hourly rounds,
Safe from their blows, or new-invented wounds?
I pafs their defp'rate deeds, and mischiefs done
Where from Snow-hill black fteepy torrents run;
How matrons, hoop'd within the hogfhead's womb,
Were tumbled furious thence, the rolling tomb
O'er the ftones thunders, bounds from fide to fide,
So Regulus to fave his country dy'd.
Where a dim gleam the paly lanthorn throws
325
330
335
O'er the mid pavement, heapy rubbiſh
grows;
* Genilemen who delighted to break windows with half-pence.
Or
192
TRIV I A.
Or arched vaults their gaping jaws extend,
Or the dark caves to common-fhores deſcend.
Oft by the winds extinct the ſignal lies,
Or ſmothered in the glimmering focket dies,
Ere night has half roll'd round her ebon throne;
In the wide gulph the ſhatter'd coach o'erthrown
Sinks with the fnorting fteeds; the reins are broke,
And from the crackling axle flies the ſpoke,
So when fam'd Eddyftone's far-ſhooting ray,
That led the failor through the ftormy way,
Was from its rocky roots by billows torn,
And the high turret in the whirlwind born,
Fleets bulg'd their fides againſt the craggy land,
And pitchy ruines blacken'd all the ſtrand.
340
345
350
Who then through night would hire the harneſs'd fteed,
And who would chuſe the rattling wheel for ſpeed?
355
But hark! diftrefs with fcreaming voice draws nigh'r,
And wakes the flumb'ring ſtreet with cries of fire.
At firſt a glowing red enwraps the skies,
And born by winds the ſcatt'ring fparks arife;
From beam to beam the fierce contagion fpreads;
The ſpiry flames now lift aloft their heads,
Through
TRIV I A.
193
Through the burſt faſh a blazing deluge pours,
And ſplitting tiles defcend in rattling fhow'rs.
360
Now with thick crowds th' enlighten'd pavement ſwarms,
The fireman fweats beneath his crooked arms,
A leathern cafque his vent'rous head defends,
Boldly he climbs where thickeft ſmoke afcends ;
Mov'd by the mother's ftreaming eyes and pray'rs,
The helpleſs infant through the flame he bears,
With no leſs virtue, than through hoſtile fire
The Dardan hero bore his aged fire.
See forceful engines fpout their levell'd ftreams,
To quench the blaze that runs along the beams ;
The grapling hook plucks rafters from the walls,
And heaps on heaps the fmoaky ruine falls.
Blown by ftrong winds the fiery tempeſt roars,
Bears down new walls, and pours along the floors;
The Heav'ns are all a-blaze, the face of night
Is cover'd with a fanguine dreadful light:
'Twas fuch a light involv'd thy tow'rs, O Rome,
The dire prefage of mighty Cafar's doom,
When the fun veil'd in ruft his mourning head,
And frightful prodigies the skies o'erfpread.
365
370
375
Hark! the drum thunders! far, ye crouds, retire: 380
Behold! the ready match is tipt with fire,
VOL. I.
K
The
194
TRIVI A.
The nitrous flore is laid, the ſmutty train
With running blaze awakes the barrell'd grain
Flames fudden wrap the walls; with fullen found 385
The ſhatter'd pile finks on the ſmoaky ground.
So when the years ſhall have revolv'd the date,
Th' inevitable hour of Naples' fate,
Her fapp'd foundations fhall with thunders ſhake,
And heave and tofs upon the fulph'rous lake ;
Earth's womb at once the fiery flood ſhall rend,
And in th' abyfs her plunging towr's defcend.
Confider, reader, what fatigues I've known,
The toils, the perils of the wintry town ;
What riots feen, what bustling crouds I bor'd,
390
395
How oft I crofs'd where carts and coaches roar'd;
Yet fhall I blefs my labours, if mankind
Their future fafety from my dangers find.
Thus the bold traveller, (inur'd to toil,
Whoſe ſteps have printed Afia's defert foil,
The barb'rous Arabs haunt; or ſhiv'ring croft
Dark Greenland's mountains of eternal froft:
Whom providence in length of years reftores
To the wish'd harbour of his native fhores ;)
400
Sets
TRIVIA
195
Sets forth his journals to the publick view,
To caution, by his woes, the wandring crew.
And now compleat my gen'rous labours lie,
Finiſh'd, and ripe for immortality.
Death fhall entomb in duft this mould'ring frame,
But never reach th' eternal part, my fame.
When W* and G**, mighty names, are dead;
Or but at Chelſea under cuftards read
When Criticks crazy bandboxes repair,
405
410
And Tragedies, turn'd rockets, bounce in air:
414
High-rais'd on Fleet-ftreet pofts, confign'd to fame,
This work ſhall ſhine, and walkers bleſs my name.
1
K 2
INDEX.
INDE X.
t
A
Uthor, for whom he wrote the poem,
A v
Α
Affes, their arrogance,
Ariadne's clue,
Book 1, Ver. 119
Alley, the pleaſure of walking in one,
Almanacks, ufelefs to judicious walkers,
Autumn, what cries then in uſe,
Arundel-ftreet,
2, 13
2, 83
2, 271
2, 406
2, 434
2, 484
Author, his wiſh,
2, 587
Alley, not to be walk'd in by night,
3, 127
B
Bavaroy, by whom worn,
1, 53
Brokers keep coaches,
1, 117
Bookfeller, skill'd in the weather,
1, 161
•
Barber, by whom to be ſhunn'd,
2, 28
Baker, to whom prejudicial
2, 30
Butchers to be avoided,
Bully, his infolence to be corrected,
Broker, where he uſually walks,
K 3
2, 43
2, 59
2, 276
Burlington-
INDE X.
Burlington-boufe,
-Beau's chariot overturn'd,
Bills difpers'd to walkers,
Ballad-fingers,
C
2, 494
2,523
2, 538
3, 77
Country, the author's love of his,
Civic crown,
Cane, the convenience of one,
--An amber-headed one ufelefs,.
The abuſe of it,
Camlet, how affected by rain,
Coat, how to chooſe one for the winter,
Chairs and Chariots prejudicial to health,
Coachman aſleep on his box, what the fign,
Chairmen, an obfervation upon them,
Church-monuments foretel the weather,
Common-fhores,
1,
1, 21
1, 20
61
1,67
1, 75
1, 46
1, 41
1, 69
1, 153
I, 154
1, 167
1, 171
Cold, the defcription of one,
1, 267
Clergy, what tradefmen to avoid,
2, 2·5
Chimney-fweeper, by whom to be avoided,
2, 33
Chandlers prejudicial to walkers,
2, 40
Civility to be paid to walkers,
2, 45
Coachman, his metamorphofis,
2, 241
Carman, when unmerciful, his puniſhment,
2, 245
Cheapfide,
2, 248
Covent-garden,
Cheeſe not lov'd by the author,
Countryman perplex'd to find the way,
Coachman his whip dangerous,
His care of his horfes,
Coaches dangerous in fnowy weather,
Chairmen, their exercife in frofty weather,
Cries of the town, obfervations upon them,
2, 254
2, 73
2, 310
2, 311
2, 327
2, 335
2, 343.
2, 547
2, 426
Chriſtmas,
INDE X.
Chriſtmas, what cries fore run it,
A ſeaſon for general charity,
2,438
2, 444
Coaches, thofe that keep them uncharitable,
2, 452
Cloacina, Goddeſs of common-ſhores,
2, 115
Charing-cross,
2, 214
Chriſtmas-box,
2, 185
Charity most practifed by walkers,
2, 454
Where given with judgment,
2, 456
-Not to be delay'd,
2, 458
Chairs, the danger of them,
2, 513
Coaches attended with ill accidents,
Defpis'd by walkers,
Kept by coxcombs and pimps,
Clement's-church, the paſs of it deſcribed,
Colliers carts,
Coaches, a ftop of them defcribed,
Coachmen, a fight of them,
Crowd parted by a coach,
Cellar, the misfortune of falling into one,
Chairmen, law concerning them,
Their poles dangerous,
Coachmen defpife dirty fhoes,
3, 35
ibid.
3, 83
3, 121
3, 153
3, 161
2, 511
2, 570
2, 577
3, 18
3, 25
3, 165
Coaches, a man furrounded by them,
3, 177
Conftable, his confideration,
3, 315
Coach, fallen into a hole, deſcribed,
3, 335
Criticks, their fate,
3, 413
D
D'oily ftuffs, ufelefs in winter,
Drugget-filk, improper in cold weather,
Drefs, propriety therein to be obferved,
Drummers improper at a wedding,
Duftman, to whom offenfive,
Drays, when not to be walk'd behind,
I 4
!
1, 43
I, 44
1, 129
2, 17
2, 37
2, 288
Doll,
INDE X.
Doll, a melancholy ftory of her death,
Duftman fpiteful to gilded chariots,
Drury-lane dangerous to virtue,
E
Evening deſcribed,
Eddystone light-houfe,
F
2, 382
2, 527
3, 259
39 9
3, 345
Frieze, its defects,
1, 45
Footman, his prudence in rainy weather,
1, 127
Fair weather, figns of it,
1, 143
Farrier's fhop, a deſcription of one,
1, 251
Fop, the defcription of one walking,
2, 53
The ill confequence of paffing too near one, 2, 57
Female guides not to be made uſe of,
2, 87
Foot-ball deſcribed,
2, 347
Froft, an epiſode of the great one,
2, 357
Fair, one kept on the Thames,
2, 369
Fishmonger, the defcription of his ſtall,
2, 414
Friday, how to know it,
2, 416
Friend, the author walks with one,
2,276
Rules to walk with one,.
Fox, like a pick-pocket,
3, 87
3, 67
Foot-man very arrogant,
3, 157
Fleet-ditch,
3, 189
Funeral, the walkers contemplation on one,
Fire, the defcription of one,
3, 225
3, 353
Fireman, his virtue,
3, 362
Fire-engines,
Father, the happineſs of a child who knows
Female-walkers, what neceffary for them,
1, 209
Gamefter,
3, 369
his own,
2, 177
INDE X.
G
[
Gamefter, his chariot deſcribed,
1, 115
Glafier, his skill at foot-ball,
2, 355
Guinea-droppers,
3, 249
H
Health acquir'd by walking,
1, 69
Holland, the ftreets of that country deſcribed,
I, 87
Hofiers poles, what obſerved by them,
1, 165
Hawker, at what time he cries news,
2, 21
Horfes, like Parthians,
2, 294
Hands, their uſe,
3, 241
Houfe blown up, the defcription of it
3, 381
Holburn-hill.
2, 174
I
Invention of pattens,
I, 219
Jugglers to be avoided,
Induſtry not exempt from death,
James, St. its market,
2, 285
2, 389
June, what cry denotes that month,
2,432
3, 546
K
Knocker of a door, an obſervation on one,
Katharine-ftreet,
L
2, 478
3, 260
London, its happineſs, before the invention of coaches
and chairs,
K 5
I, 101
Ladies
INDE X.
Ladies walking the fireets,
1, 105
In the Park what they betoken,
1, 145
Drefs, neither by reafon nor inftinct,
1, 149
Letchers old, where they frequent,
2, 280
Leaden-ball market,
2, 546
Lintot, Mr. advice to him,
2, 565
Lawyer paffing the street in a coach,
2, 579
Labourers return'd from work,
3, 13
Lincoln's-inn-fields,
3, 133
Link-man, where not to be trufted,
3, 139
Luxury, a reflection on it,
3, 195
Legs, their ufe,
3, 241
Lanthorn, what it fhews in the middle of the ſtreet,
3, 335
Ludgate-bill,
2, 292
M
Martha, a milk-maid of Lincolnshire,
1, 225
Morning, then what firſt to be confidered,
I, 121
Morning defcribed,
2, 7
3, 25
Milford lane,
Meufe, Jugglers often play thereabout to inveigle walkers
to play,
Milk-maid of the city, unlike a rural one,
2, 287
2, II
Mercy recommended to coachmen and carmen, 2, 237
Modeſty not to be offended,
Mafons, dangerous to pafs where at work,
2,266
Monday, by what obfervations to know it,
2, 298
Mifer, his manner of charity,
2, 408
Moor-fields,
2, 462
2, 548
ibid.
Monmouth-freet,
Mobs to be avoided,
Mobocks, a ſet of modern rakes,
Matrons put in hogsheads,
3, 51
3, 326
3, 329
Naples,
INDE X.
N
Naples, the ftreets of that city,
Newgate-market,
Nifus and Euryalus,
Nofe, its ufe,
Nicker, his art,
Naples, its fate,
O
シ
​1, 93
2, 544
3, 97
3, 245
3, 323,
3, 387
Qyfters, at what time firſt cry'd,
Old woman, an obſervation upon one,
Obfervations on the looks of walkers,
Ox roaſted on the Thames,
I, 28
I; 139
2, 274
2, 368
Orpheus, his death,
2, 394
Overton the print-feller,
2, 489.
Oyſter-wench,
3, 185
Oyfter, the courage of him that firſt eat one,
3, 195
OEdipus,
3.215.
P
Pavers, their duty,
Paris, the streets of that city,
Poor, their murmurs, what the fign of,
Paul, St. his festival,
Precepts, what the confequence, if neglected,
Pattens, a female implement,
"3
Preſents better than flattery,
Patten, its derivation,
Perfumer, by whom to be avoided,
Porter fworn, uſeful to walkers,
Prentices not to be rely'd on,,
19.11.
1, 85.
1, 178
1, 176.
1, 189.
I, 212
1, 280
1, 282
2,29.
2,65.
2,69
Poſt,
INDE X.
Poft, when to walk on the outfide of it,
Pillory not to be gaz'd upon,
Pall-mall celebrated,
Pythagoras, his doctrine,
Petticoat, its ufe in bad weather,
Pavers, a fignal for coaches to avoid them,
Pattens inconvenient in fnowy weather,
Phaeton, a beau compared to him,
Periwigs, how flolen off the head,
Pick-pocket, his art and misfortunes,
Paint, how to be avoided,
2, 7
2, 235
2,256
2, 241
2, 304
2, 306
2, 324
2, 535
3, 55
3, 59
3, 337
Play-houſe, a caution when you lead a lady out of it, 3, 253
e
Quarrels for the wall to be avoided,
3, 213
Quarrels, fham ones, dangerous,
3, 251
R
Riding-hood, its ufe,
I, 209
Rome, the streets of it,
1, 94
Rain, figns of it,
1, 157
Rakes, how they avoid a dun,
2, 282
Raphael Urbin,
2, 487
Rakes, their time of walking,
3, 321
Regulus, his death,
3, 330
Reader, the author addreffes him,
3, 393
S
Scavengers, their duty,
Stage-coaches, an obſervation upon them,
Shoe-cleaning boys, the time of their first appearance, 1,23
Shoes, when to provide them,
1, 15
1, 25
I, 29
Shoes,
INDE X.
Shoes, what fort improper for walkers,
What proper for dancers,
What moft proper for walkers,
1, 33
1, 30
ibid.
Surtout Kerfey, its defcription,
1, 55
Shower, a man in one defcribed,
1, 191
Shins, what they betoken when fcorch'd,
1, 137
Signs creaking, what they betoken,
Superftition to be avoided,
1, 157
1, 175
1, 183
2, 35
2, 315
Swithin, St. his feftival,
Smallcoal-man, by whom to be avoided,
Summer, foreign to the author's defign,
Signs, the uſe of them,
Seven dials of St. Giles's pariſh deſcribed,
Stockings, how to prevent their being fpatter'd,
Streets, narrow ones to be avoided,
Snowy weather,
Shoes, how to free them from fnow,
Snow-balls, coachmen pelted with them,
Schoolboys, mischievous in frofty weather,
Sempftrefs, the deſcription of her in a frofty
Saturday, by what obfervations to know it,
Spring, the cries then in uſe,
Streets, formerly noblemens houfes,
2,67
2, 80
2, 91
2, 247
2, 320
2, 325
2, 329
2, 331
morning,
2, 337
2, 422
2, 428
2, 492
Sempftrefs, advice to her,
2, 34I
Swords, filver, lure thieves,
3, 53
Street, how to croſs it,
3, 165
Scylla and Charybdis,
3, 183
Street, where to crofs it by night,
3, 185
Shoe-cleaning boy, his birth,
2, 135
--.-- His lamentation,
2, 177
-His happiness,
2, 145
-Without father or mother,
2, 181
Scowrers, a ſet of rakes,
3, 325
Snow-hill,
3, 330
T Trivia,
INDE X.
T
Trivia, the Goddefs of ftreets and highways, invok'd,
Trades prejudicial to walkers,
1, 5
2,25
Tradefmen, in what to be truſted,
Thefeus in the labyrinth of Crete,
Thames-freet,
Trades offenfive to the fmell,
2, 71
2,83
2, 244
Tea-drinkers, a neceffary caution to them,
Thames, coaches driven over it,
2, 246.
2, 296.
2, 365.
2, 400
Thurſday, by what obfervations to know it,
2, 408
Thaw, the defcription of one,
Titian,
Trivia invok'd as Cynthia,
Turn-ftiles,
Tragedies, their fate,
2, 486.
3, I
3, 107
3,414.
U
Umbrella, its uſe,
Vulcan, in love with a milk-maid,
Advice to him,
Venice, the streets of it,
Vaults, an obſervation upon them,
Vulcan metamorphos'd to a country farrier,
The inventor of hobnails and fparables,
The inventor of pattens,
Upholder, where he frequents,
W
Winter, the beginning of it deſcribed,
Weather, figns of cold,
Signs of fair,
i, 211
I, 241.
1, 245
I, 97
1, 172
1, 253-
1, 263
I, 275%
2, 470-
1, 2
1, 133
1, 143
Weather,
INDE X.
Weather, figns of rainy,
Witney, broad-cloth proper for horſemen,
Wig compar'd to Alecto's fnakes,
To Glaucus's beard,
1, 157
I, 47
1, 202
1, 205
-What to be worn in a miſt,
1, 125
Waterman judicious in the weather,
1, 163
Winds whiftling, what they foretel,
1, 169
Wall, to whom to be given,
2, 45
To whom to be deny'd,
2, 59
Way, of whom to be enquired,
2, 65
Watling-street,
Walkers inadvertent, to what misfortunes liable, 2, 285
2, 247
Wits, a caution to them,
Walker diſtreſs'd by a foot-ball,
Waterman, his dominion invaded,
Wednesday, how to know it,
Walkers, their happineſs,
Free from diſeaſes,
Water, the danger of being upon it,
Walking advantageous to learning,
2, 296
2, 347
2, 361
2, 416
2, 502
2, 506
2, 515
2, 551
Women, the ill confequence of gazing on them, 3, 101
Wheel-barrows, how they prejudice walkers, 3, 107
Whore, how to know one,
Watchmen, the method of treating with them,
3, 267
3, 307
Their fignal to their fellows,
3, 311
What to do if taken by them,
3, 313
Wall, when to keep it,
3, 205
Whores, the Areets where they ply,
3, 259
Y
Yeoman, a dreadful ſtory of one,
3, 285
THE
THE
WHAT D'YE CALL IT:
1
1
A
Tragi-Comi - Paſtoral
FARC E.
A
CE.
--Spirat Tragicum fatis, & feliciter audet. Hor.
---Locus eft & pluribus Umbris.
Hor.
THE
PREFA CE.
S I am the first who have intro-
duced this kind of Dramatick en-
tertainment upon the stage, I
think it abfolutely neceffary to
Say Something by way of Pre-
face, not only to fhew the nature of it, but to
anfwer fome objections that have been already
rais'd against it by the graver fort of Wits, and
other interested people.
We have often bad Tragi-Comedies upon
the English Theatre with fuccefs: but in that
fort of compofition the Tragedy and Comedy
are in diftinct Scenes, and may be easily fepa-
rated from each other. But the whole Art
of
PREFACE.
of the Tragi- Comi-Paftoral Farce lies in
interweaving the feveral kinds of the Drama
with each other, fo that they cannot be di-
Stinguish'd or feparated.
The objections that are rais'd against it as
a Tragedy, are as follow.
First, as to the Plot, they deny it to be
Tragical, because its Catastrophe is a wedding,
which bath ever been accounted Comical.
Secondly, As to the Characters; that thofe
of a Juftice of Peace, a Parish-Clerk, and
an Embryo's Ghoſt, are very improper to the
dignity of Tragedy, and were never introduc'd
by the Antients.
Thirdly, They fay the Sentiments are not
Tragical, because they are thofe of the lowest
country people.
Laftly, They will not allow the Moral to
be proper for Tragedy, because the end of Tra-
gedy being to fhew human life in its diſtreſſes,
imperfections and infirmities, thereby to foften
the mind of man from its natural obduracy
and haughtiness, the Moral ought to have
the fame tendency; but this Moral, they say,
Seems
PREFACE.
feems entirely calculated to flatter the Audience
in their vanity and felf-conceitedness.
You all have fenfe enough to find it out.
To the first objection I answer, that it is
ftill a difputable point, even among the best
Criticks, whether a Tragedy may not have a
happy Cataſtrophe; that the French Au-
thors are of this opinion, appears from most
of their modern Tragedies.
In answer to the second objection, I cannot
affirm, that any of the Antients have either
a Juftice of Peace, a Pariſh-Clerk, or an
Embryo Ghost in their Tragedies; yet who-
ever will look into Sophocles, Euripides, or
Seneca, will find that they greatly affected
to introduce Nurfes in all their pieces, which
every one muſt grant to be an inferior Character
to a Juftice of Peace; in imitation of which
alfo, I have introduced a Grandmother and
an Aunt.
To the third objection, which is the meanness
of the fentiments, I answer, that the fentiments
of Princes and Clowns have not in reality that
difference which they seem to have; their
thoughts are almost the fame, and they only
differ
PREFACE.
differ as the fame thought is attended with a
meanness or pomp of diction, or receive a dif-
ferent light from the circumftances each Cha-
ratter is converfant with. But thefe Criticks
have forgot the precept of their Master Horace,
who tells them,
Tragicus plerumque dolet fermone pedeſtri.
In anſwer to the objection against the Mo-
ral, I have only this to alledge, That the
Moral of this piece is conceal'd; and Morals
that are couch'd fo as to exercife the judgments
of the audience, have not been disapprov'd by
the beft Criticks ||. And I would have thofe
that object against it as a piece of Flattery,
confider, that there is fuch a Figure as the
Irony.
The Objections against it as a Comedy are,
First, they object to the plot, that it throws
the Characters into the deepest circumstances of
diftrefs: Inferiors trampled upon by the Ty-
ranny of Power, a foldier to be foot for de-
fertion, and an innocent maid in the utmost
defpair.
See Boffu's Chapter of concealed Sentences.
Secondly,
PREFA C E.
Secondly, That Ghosts are introduced, which
move terror, a Paffion not proper to be moved
in Comedy.
Thirdly, They will not allow the Sentiments to
be comical, because they are fuch as naturally
flow from the deep diftreffes above-mentioned.
The Speech of a dying man, and his last advice
to his child, are what one could not reaſonably
expect ſhould raiſe the mirth of an audience.
First, that the Plot is comical, I argue from
the Peripatia and the Cataftrophe. Peafcod's
change of fortune upon the reprieve's being pro-
duced, Kitty's diftrefs ending in the discharge
of her fweetheart, and the wedding, are all in-
cidents that are truly comical.
To the ſecond objection I answer, That Ghosts
have not been omitted in the antient Comedy;
Ariſtophanes having laid the Scene of his
BaTexo among the fhades; and Plautus bas
introduced a Lar familiaris in his Prologue to
the Aulularia, which tho' not actually a Ghost,
is very little better.
de
As to the third objection, That the Senti-
ments are not Comical, I answer that the
Ghofts are the only characters which are ob-
jected
PREFACE.
jected to as improper for Comedy, which I have
already proved to be justly introduced, as fol-
lowing the manner of the old-Comedy; but as
they allow that the Sentiments naturally flow
from the characters, thofe of the Juftice,
Clowns, &c. which are indisputably Comical
characters, must be Comical. For the Senti-
ments being conveyed in number and rhime, 1
have the authority of the best modern French
Comedies.
The only objection against it as a Paftoral
falls upon the characters, which they say are
partly Paftoral, and partly not fo. They in-
fift particularly, that a Sergeant of Grena-
diers is not a paftoral character, and that the
others are fo far from being in the fate of in-
nocence, that the clowns are whoremafters, and
the damfels with child.
To this I reply, that Virgil talks of Soldiers
among his Shepherds.
Impius hæc tam culta Novalia miles habebit.
And the character of the Sergeant is drawn
according to the Epithet of Virgil, Impius
Miles, which may be seen in that Speech of his,
You
PREFACE.
You Dog, die like a Soldier
be damn'd.
and
For, in fport, a Soldier to a Swain is but just
the fame thing that a Wolf is to his Flocks,
and is as naturally talk'd of or introduc'd. As
for the rest of the characters, I can only ſay
I have copied nature, making the youths amo-
rous before wedlock, and the damfels complying
and fruitful. Thofe that are the most conver-
fant in the country are the best judges of this
fort of nature.
Laſtly, they object against it as a Farce.
First, Because the irregularity of the Plot
Should answer to the Extravagance of the
characters, which they ſay this piece wants,
and therefore is no Farce.
Secondly, They deny the characters to be
Farcical, becauſe they are actually in na-
ture.
Thirdly, If it was a true Farce, the Sen-
timents ought to be strain'd, to bear a pro-
portional
VOL. I.
L
PREFACE.
portional irregularity with the plot and cha-
racters.
To the First I anfwer, that the Farcical
Scene of the Ghosts, introduced without any
coberence with the rest of the piece, might be
entirely left out, and would not be allow'd in
a regular Comedy. There are indeed a great
number of Dramatick entertainments, where
are Scenes of this kind; but thoſe pieces in
reality are not Comedies, but five Act
Farces.
Secondly, Let the Criticks confider only the
nature of Farce, that it is made up of ab-
furdities and incongruities, and that those
pieces which have thefe Qualities in the greateſt
degree are the most Farces; and they will
allow this to be fo from the characters, and
particularly from that of the Speaking Ghoft
of an Embryo, in the conclufion of the first
Alt. I have, 'tis true, Ariftophanes's Au-
thority for things of this fort in Comedy, who
bath introduced a Chorus of Frogs, and made
them talk in the following manner :
Bρexe-
PREFACE.
Βρεκεκεκεξ, κοάξ, κουξ,
Βρεκεκεκεξ, κοάξ, κοάξ,
Λιμναία κρηνῶν τέκνα, &c.
}
Mr. D'Urfey of our own nation has given
all the fowls of the air the faculty of Speech
equal with the parrot. Swans and elbow-
chairs in the Opera of Dioclefian have danc'd
upon the Engliſh Stage with good Success.
Shakeſpear bath fome characters of this fort,
as a fpeaking wall, and Moonſhine
The
former he defign'd to introduce (as he tells us
himself) with fomething rough caft about
him, and the latter comes in with a lantborn
and candle; which in my opinion are charac-
ters that make a good figure in the modern
Farce.
Thirdly, The Sentiments are truly of the
Farce kind, as they are the fentiments of the
meanest Clowns convey'd in the pomp of num-
bers and rhime; which is certainly forc'd and
out of nature, and therefore Farcical.
See his Midfummer Night's Dream.
I 2
After
A
PREFA CE.
After all I have faid, I would have thefe
Criticks only confider, when they object against
it as a Tragedy, that I defign'd it fomething of
a Comedy; when they cavil at it as a Comedy,
that I had partly a view to Paftoral; when
they attack it as a Paftoral, that my endea-
vours were in fome degree to write a Farce;
and when they would deftroy its character as a
Farce, that my defign was a Tragi-Comi-Pafto-
ral: I believe when they confider this, they will
all agree, that I have happily enough executed
what I purpofed, which is all I contend for.
Yet that I might avoid the cavils and mifre-
prefentations of fevere Criticks, I have not call'd
it a Tragedy, Comedy, Paftoral, or Farce,
but left the name entirely undetermin'd in the
doubtful appellation of the What d'ye call it,
which name I thought unexceptionable; but I
added to it a Tragi- Comi-Paftoral Farce,
as it comprized all thofe feveral kinds of the
Drama.
The Judicious Reader will eafily perceive,
that the unities are kept as in the most per-
felt pieces, that the Scenes are unbroken, and
Poetical Justice strictly obferv'd; the Ghoſt
of the Embryo and the Parish-Girl are en-
tire
PREFACE.
tire new characters. I might enlarge further
upon the conduct of the particular Scenes, and
of the piece in general, but shall only fay, that
the fuccefs this piece has met with upon the
Stage, gives encouragement to our Drama-
tick Writers to follow its Model; and evi-
dently demonftrates that this fort of Drama is
no less fit for the Theatre than thofe they have
Succeeded in.
@
L 3
Dramatis
Dramatis Perfona.
1
Sir Roger
Sir Humphry
Justice Statute
MEN.
Squire Thomas, Sir Roger's Son, alias,
Thomas Filbert
Jonas Dock, alias, Timothy Peafcod
Peter Nettle, the Sergeant
Steward to Sir Roger
Conftable
Corporal
Stave, a Pariſh Clerk
The Ghoſt of a Child unborn
Countrymen, Ghofts and Soldiers.
WOMEN.
Mr. Miller.
Mr. Crofs.
Mr. Shepherd.
Mr. Johnſon.
Mr. Penkethman.
Mr. Norris,
Mr. Quin.
Mr. Penroy.
Mr. Weller.
Mr. Norris Jun.
Kitty, the Steward's Daughter, alias, Mrs. Bicknell.
Kitty Carrot
Dorcas, Peafcod's Sifter
Joyce, Peafcod's Daughter left upon
the Pariſh
Aunt
Grandmother
}
}Mrs.
Mrs. Willis Sen.
Mifs Younger.
Mrs. Baker.
THE
THE
WHAT D'YE CALL IT:
A
TRAGI-COMI-PASTORAL
FAR CE.
SCENE, A Country Justice's Hall, adorn'd with
'Scutcheons and Stags Horns.
Enter Steward, Squire, Kitty, Dock, and others
in Country Habits,
S
STEWARD.
O, you are ready in your parts, and in
your drefs too, I fee;
clothes do the bufinefs.
Play and Actors fo fuited.
Sure never was
your own beſt
Come range
your felves before me, women on the
right, and men on the left. Squire Thomas,
[The Actors range themfelves.
you make a good figure.
L 4
range th
ŠQUIRE.
224 The WHAT D'YE CALL IT.
SQUIRE.
Ay, thanks to Barnaby's Sunday clothes; but call me
Thomas Filbert, as I am in the Play.
STEWARD.
Chear up, daughter, and make Kitty Carrot the fhi-
ning part: Squire Thomas is to be in love with you to
night, girl.
KITTY.
Ay, I have felt Squire Thomas's love to my coft. I
have little ſtomach to play, in the condition he hath
put me into.
STEWARD.
Jonas Dock, doft thou remember thy name?
DOCK.
[Afide.
My name? Jo-- Jo-- Jonas. No--- that was the
name my Godfathers gave me. My play name is Timothy
Pea-- Pea-- Peafcod; ay, Peafcod --- and am to be ſhot
for a deferter----
STEWARD.
And you, Dolly ?
DOLLY.
An't pleaſe ye, I am Dorcas, Peafcod's fifter, and am
to be with child, as it were.
1 COUNTRY MAN.
And I am to take her up, as it were--
Conftable.
2 COUNTRYMA N.
And I am to ſee Tim fhot, as it were
Corporal.
STEWARD.
But what is become of our fergeant?
DORCA S.
I am the
I am the
Why Peter Nettle, Peter, Peter.
[Enter Nettle.
NETTLE.
The WHAT D'YE CALL IT.
225
NETT L E.
Theſe ſtockings of Sufan's coft a woundy deal of pains
the pulling on: But what's a fergeant without red
ſtockings?
DOCK
I'll dreſs thee, Peter, I'll dreſs thee. Here, ftand ftill,
I muſt twift thy neckcloth; I would make thee hold up
thy head, and have a ruddy complexion; but pr'ythee
don't look black in the face, man. [Rolling his Neck-
cloth.] Thou muſt look fierce and dreadful. [Making
whiskers with a burnt cork.] But what ſhall we do for
a grenadier's cap?
STEWARD.
Fetch the leathern bucket that hangs in the belfry;
that is curiouſly painted before, and will make a figure.
NETTLE.
No, no, I have what's worth twenty on't: the Pope's
mitre, that my maſter Sir Roger ſeiz'd, when they would
have burnt him at our market-town.
STEWARD.
So, now let ev'ry body withdraw, and prepare to be-
gin the play. [Exeunt Actors.] My daughter debauch'd!
and by that booby Squire! well, perhaps the conduct of
this play may retrieve her folly, and preferve her repu-
tation. Poor girl! I cannot forget thy tears.
Enter Sir R O. GER.
Sir ROGER.
Look ye, Steward, don't tell me you can't bring them
in. I will have a ghoft; nay, I will have a competence
of ghoſts. What, fhall our neighbours think we are not
able to make a ghoſt? A play without a ghoft is like,
is like i'gad it is like nothing.
STEWARD.
Sir, be fatisfied; you ſhall have ghofts.
L 5
Sir
↓
226 The WHAT D'YE CALL IT
Sir ROGER.
And is the play as I order'd it, both a Tragedy and
a Comedy? I would have it a Paftoral too: and if you
could make it a Farce, fo much the better and what
if you crown'd all with a ſpice of your Opera? You know
my neighbours never faw a Play before; and d'ye fee, I
would fhew them all forts of Plays under one.
STEWARD.
Sir Roger, it is contrived for that very purpoſe.
[Enter two Juftices,
Sir ROGE R.
Neighbours, you are welcome. Is not this Steward
of mine a pure ingenious fellow now, to make ſuch a
Play for us theſe Christmas holydays? [Exit Steward
bowing.] A rare headpiece! he has it here i'faith.
[Pointing to his own head.] But indeed, I gave him the
hint To fee now what contrivance fome folks have!
We have fo fitted the parts to my tenants, that every
Man talks in his own way! ---- and then we have made
just three juftices in the play, to be play'd by us three
juftices of the Quorum.
Zooks!
I JUSTIC E.
fo it is; main ingenious --- and can we
----
fit and ſmoke at the fame time we act?
Ay, ay,
Sir ROG E R.
we have but three or four words to ſay --
and may drink and be good company in peace and
filence all the while after.
2 JUSTICE.
But how fhall we know when we are to ſay theſe
fame Words?
Sir ROGER.
This ſhall be the fignal---- when I fet down the tan-
kard, then fpeak you, Sir Humphry-
and when
Sir
The WHAT D'YE CALL IT. 227
Sir Humphry fets down the Tankard, fpeak you, Squire
Statute.
1 JU´STIC E.
Ah, Sir Roger, You are an old dog at theſe things.
2 JUSTICE:
To be fure.
Sir ROG E R.
Why neighbours, you know, experience, experience
I remember your Harts and your Bettertons But
to ſee your Othello, neighbours ------ how he would rave
and roar, about a fooliſh flower'd handkerchief!
and then he would groul ſo manfully------ and he would.
put out the light, and put the light out fo cleverly! but
hufh----- the Prologue, the Prologue.
[They feat themselves with much ceremony at the table, on
which are pipes and tobacco, and a large filver tankard.
i
THE
2
THE
PROLOGUE,
T
Spoken by Mr. Pinkethman.
HE entertainment of this night
or day,
This ſomething, or this nothing of a Play,
Which strives to pleaſe all palates at a time,
With ghofts and men, ſongs, dances, proſe and rhime,
This comic ſtory, or this tragic jeft,
May make you laugh, or cry, as you like beft;
May exerciſe your good, or your ill-nature
Move with diſtreſs, or tickle you with fatyr.
All muſt be pleas'd too with their Parts, we think :
Our maids have fweethearts, and their Worſhips drink.
Criticks, we know, by ancient rules may maul it ;
But fure Gallants muſt like---- the What d'ye call it.
ACT
The WHAT D'YE CALL IT. 229
GANG ZOOMI96594555
ACT I. SCENE I.
Sir ROGER, Sir HUMPHRY, Justice STATUTE,
CONSTABLE, FILBERT, SERGEANT, KIT-
TY, DORCAS GRANDMOTHER, AUNT.
H
Sir ROGER.
ERE, Thomas Filbert, anfwer to your name,
Dorcas hath fworn to you fhe owes her ſhame:
Or wed her ſtraight, or elſe you're ſent afar,
To ferve his gracious Majefty in war.
FILBERT.
"Tis falſe; 'tis falfe---- I fcorn thy odious touch.
[Pufhing Dorcas from him.
DOR CAS.
When their turn's ferv'd, all men will do as much.
KITTY.
Ah, good your Worſhips, eaſe a wretched maid,
To the right father let the child be laid.
Art thou not perjur'd? mark his harmleſs look.
How can't thou, Dorcas, kiſs the Bible book?
Haft
230
The WHAT D'YE CALL IT
·
Haft thou no confcience, doft not fear Old Nick?
Sure fure the ground will ope, and take thee quick.
SERGEANT.
Zooks! never wed, 'tis fafer much to roam;
For what is war abroad to war at home?
Who would not fooner bravely rifque his life;
For what's a cannon to a ſcolding wife?
FILBER T.
Well, if I muft, I muſt, ---- I hate the wench,
I'll bear a mufquet then againſt the French.
From door to door I'd fooner whine and beg,
Both arms fhot off, and on a wooden leg,
Than marry ſuch a trapes
----
No, no, I'll not ::
Thou wilt too late repent when I am ſhot.
But, Kitty, why doft cry ---
GRANDMOTHER.
-Stay, Juftice, ftay;
Ah, little did I think to fee this day!
Muft Grandfon Filbert to the wars be preft?
Alack! I knew him when he fuck'd the breaft,
Taught him his catechifm, the fefcue held,
And join'd his letters, when the bantling ſpell'd..
His loving mother left him to my care,
Fine child, as like his Dad as he could ftare !
J
Come
The WHAT D'YE CALL IT. 231
Come Candlemas, nine years ago fhe dy'd,
And now lies buried by the yew-tree's fide.
AUNT.
O tyrant Juftices! have you forgot
How my poor brother was in Flanders fhot?
You prefs'd my brother----he fhall walk in white,
He fhall----and ſhake your curtains ev'ry night.
What though a paltry hare he rafhly kill'd,
That crofs'd the furrows while he plough'd the Field?
You fent him o'er the hills and far away;
Left his old mother to the pariſh pay,
With whom he fhar'd his ten pence ev'ry day.
Wat kill'd a bird, was from his farm turn'd out
You took the law of Thomas for a trout:
You ruin'd my poor uncle at the fizes,
And made him pay nine pound for Nifiprifes.
Now will you prefs my harmleſs nephew too?
Ah what has confcience with the rich to do!
}
[Sir Roger takes up the Tankard.
Though in my hand no filver tankard ſhine,
Nor my dry lip be dy'd with claret wine,
Yet I can fleep in peace----
Sir R OG E R.
[After having drunk,
Sir
Woman, forbear.
232 The WHAT D'YE CALL IT.
Sir HUMPHRY.
The man's within the act
Juftice STATUTE.
The law is clear.
SERGEANT.
[Drinking.
[Drinking alſo.
Hafte, let their Worſhips orders be obey'd.
KITTY.
Behold how low you have reduc'd a maid,
Thus to your Worſhips on my knees I fue,
(A poſture never known but in the pew)
If we can money for our taxes find,
[Kneeling.
Take that---but ah! our ſweethearts leave behind.
To trade fo barb'rous he was never bred,
The blood of vermin all the blood he ſhed:
How fhould he, harmleſs youth, how ſhould he then
Who kill'd but poulcats, learn to murder men?
DORCAS.
O Thomas, Thomas, hazard not thy life ;
By all that's good, I'll make a loving wife;
I'll prove a true pains-taker day and night,
I'll ſpin and card, and keep our children tight.
I can knit ftockings, you can thatch a barn;
If you earn ten-pence, I my groat can earn.
How
The WHAT D'YE CALL IT. 233
How shall I weep to hear this infant cry?
[her hand on her belly,
He'll have no father
and no husband I.
ΚΙΤΤΥ.
Hold, Thomas, hold, nor hear that fhameleſs witch:
I can fow plain-work, I can darn and ſtitch;
I can bear fultry days and froſty weather;
Yes, yes, my Thomas, we will go together;
Beyond the feas together will we go,
In camps together, as at harveft, glow.
This arm fhall be a bolster for thy head,
I'll fetch clean ftraw to make my foldier's bed:
There, while thou fleep'ft, my apron o'er thee hold,
Or with it patch thy tent againſt the cold.
Pigs in hard rains I've watch'd, and ſhall I do
That for the pigs, I would not bear for you?
FILBERT.
Oh, Kitty, Kitty, canft thou quit the rake,
And leave theſe meadows for thy ſweetheart's fake?
Canſt thou ſo many gallant foldiers fee,
And captains and lieutenants flight for me?
Say, canft thou hear the guns, and never ſhake,
Nor ſtart at oaths that make a chriſtian quake?
Canft
234 The WHAT D'YE CALL IT.
Canft thou bear hunger, canft thou march and toil
A long long way, a thouſand thouſand mile?
And when thy Tom's blown up, or ſhot away,
Then canft thou ftarve? ---they'll cheat thee of my pay.
Sir ROGER.
Take out that wench
Sir HUMPHRY.
Juftice STATUTE.
[Drinking.
[Drinking.
[Drinking alfo.
But give her penance meet.
I'll fee her ftand ---next funday----in a fheet.
DORCA S.
Ah! why does nature give us fo much cauſe
To make kind hearted laffes break the laws?
Why fhould hard laws kind-hearted laffes bind,
When too foft nature draws us after kind ?
1
SCENE
The WHAT D'YE CALL IT. 235
SCENE II.
Sir ROCER, Sir HUMPHRY, Juftice STATUTE,
FILBERT, SERGEANT, KITTY, GRANDMOTHER,
AUNT, SOLDIER.
SOLDI E R.
Sergeant, the captain to your quarters fent;
To ev'ry ale-houſe in the town I went.
Our Corp'ral now has the deferter found;
The men are all drawn out, the pris'ner bound.
SERGEANT.
Come, foldier, come -
◄K IT TY..
Ah! take me, take me too.
GRANDMOTHER.
[To Filbert.
Stay, forward wench ;
AUNT.
What would the creature do ?
This week thy mother means to waſh and brew.
KITTY.
Brew then ſhe may herſelf, or waſh or bake ;
I'd leave ten mothers for one ſweetheart's fake.
O juftice moſt unjuſt?
FILBERT.
236 The WHAT D'YE CALL IT.
FILBERT,
O tyranny!
KITTY
How can I part?
O rueful day!
O woeful day?
FILBE R T.
Alas! and how can I?
KITTY
FILBERT.
Rueful indeed, I trow.
KITTY
FILBERT.
A day indeed of woe!
KITTY.
When gentlefolks their fweethearts leave behind,
They can write letters, and fay fomething kind;
But how ſhall Filbert unto me endite,
When neither I can read, nor he can write ?
Yet Juſtices, permit us ere we part
To break this nine-pence, as you've broke our heart.
FILBERT.
The WHAT D'YE CALL IT. 237
FILBERT.
[Breaking the Nine-pence.
As this divides, thus are we torn in twain.
KITTY.
[Joining the Pieces.
And as this meets, thus may we meet again.
[She is drawn away on one fide of the Stage by
Aunt and Grandmother.
Yet one look more
FILBERT.
[Haul'd off on the other fide by the Sergeant.
One more ere yet we go.
To part is death.
KITTY.
FILBERT.
'Tis death to part.
KITTY.
Ah !
FILBERT.
Oh!
SCENE
238 The WHAT D'YE CALL IT.
SCENE III.
Sir ROGER, Sir HUMPHRY, Justice STATUTE,
and CONSTABLE.
Sir ROGER.
See, conftable, that ev'ry one withdraw.
Sir HUMPHRY.
W've buſineſs
Justice ST AT UT E.
[Drinking.
[Drinking.
[Drinking alfe.
To diſcuſs a point of Law.
SCENE IV.
Sir ROGER, Sir HUMPHRY, Juftice STATUTE.
They ſeem in earneſt diſcourſe.
Sir ROGER.
I ſay the preſs-act plainly makes it out.
Sir HUMPHRY.
Doubtless, Sir Roger.
Juſtice STATUT E.
Brother, without doubt.
A Ghost rifes.
GHOST.
}
I'm Jeffry Cackle.
You my death fhall rue ;
For
The WHAT D'YE CALL IT. 239
For I was prefs'd by you, by you, by you.
[Pointing to the Juftices.
Another Ghoft riſes.
2
GHOST.
I'm Smut the farrier. You my death ſhall rue ;
For I was prefs'd by you, by you, by you.
A Woman's Ghost rifes.
3 GHOST.
I'm Bess that hang'd my ſelf for Smut ſo true;
So owe my death to you, to you, to you.
A Ghost of an Embryo rifes.
4 GHOST.
I was begot before my mother married,
Who whipt by you, of me poor child miſcarried.
Another Woman's Ghoft rifes.
5 GHOST.
Its mother I, whom you whipt black and blue;
Both owe our deaths to you, to you, to you.
[All Ghosts shake their heads.
Sir ROGER.
Why do you ſhake your mealy heads at me ?
You cannot fay I did it
BOTH JUSTICES.
No nor we.
1 GHOST
240 The WHAT D'YE CALL IT
1 GHOST.
All three
2 GHOST.
All three
3 GHOST
All three
4 GHOST.
All three
5 GHOST.
All three.
A SONG fung difmally by a GHOST.
C
Y E goblins, and fairies,
With frisks and vagaries,
Ye fairies and goblins,
With hoppings and hobblings,
Come all, come all
To Sir Roger's great hall.
All fairies and goblins,
All goblins and fairies,
With hoppings and hobblings,
With frisks and vagaries.
CHORUS.
The WHAT D'YE CALL IT. 241
CHORU S.
Sing, goblins and fairies,
Sing, fairies and goblins,
With frisks and vagaries,
And hoppings and hobblings.
[The ghosts dance round the Juftices, who go off in a
fright, and the ghosts vaniſh.
ACT II. SCENE I.
A Field.
TIMOTHY PEAS COD bound; CORPORAL, SOLDIERS
and COUNTRYMEN.
CORPORA L.
Tand off there, countrymen; and you, the guard,
Keep cloſe your priſoner--- ſee that all's prepar’d.
Prime all your firelocks faften well the ſtake.
PEASCO D.
'Tis too much, too much trouble for my fake,
O fellow-foldiers, countrymen and friends,
Be warn'd by me to fhun untimely ends:
VOL. I.
M
For
242 The WHAT D'YE CALL IT
For evil courfes am I brought to fhame,
And from my foul I do repent the fame.
Oft my kind Grannam told me Tim, take warning,
Be good---and fay thy pray'rs---and mind thy learning.
But I, fad wretch, went on from crime to crime ;
I play'd at nine-pins firſt in ſermon time:
I robb'd the parfon's orchard next; and then
(For which I pray forgiveneſs) ftole---a hen.
When I was prefs'd, I told them the firſt day
I wanted heart to fight, ſo ran away ;
[Attempts to run off, but is prevented.
For which behold I die. 'Tis a plain caſe,
'Twas all a judgment for my want of grace.
[The foldiers prime, with their muskets towards him.
Hold, hold, my friends; nay hold, hold, hold, I pray ;
They may go off---and I have more to ſay.
I COUNTRY MA N.
Come, 'tis no time to talk----
2
COUNTRYMA N.
Repent thine ill,
And pray in this good book---
[Gives him a Book.
PEASCO D.
I will, I will.
Lend me thy handkercher---The Pilgrim's pro-----
[Reads and weeps.]
(I can-
The WHAT D'YE CALL IT. 243
(I cannot fee for tears) Pro---Progreſs--- Oh !
The Pilgrim's Progrefs---eighth----edi-ti-on
Lon-don--prin-ted--for---Ni-cho-las Bod-ding-ton:
With new ad-di-tions never made before.
Oh! 'tis fo moving, I can read no more. [Drops the Book.
SCENE II.
PEASCOD, CORPORAL, SOLDIERS, COUNTRYMEN,
SERGEANT, FILBERT.
SERGEANT.
What whining's this ?---boys, fee your guns well ramm’d.
You dog, die like a foldier---and be damn’d.
FILBERT.
My friend in ropes!
PEA SOOD.
I fhould not thus be bound,
If I had means, and could but raife five pound.
The cruel Corp'ral whiſper'd in my ear,
Five pounds, if rightly tipt, would fet me clear.
FILBERT.
Here---Peaſcod, take my pouch---'tis all I own.
(For what is means and life when Kitty's gone!)
"Tis my preſs-money
top w
can this filver fail?
'Tis all, except one fixpence ſpent in ale.
M 2
This
244 The WHAT D'YE CALL IT.
This had a ring for Kitty's finger bought,
Kitty on me had by that token thought.
But for thy life, poor Tim, if this can do't;
Take it with all my foul --- thou'rt welcome to't.
[Offers him his purſe.
1 COUNTRY MAN.
And take my fourteen pence
2 COUNTRY MAN.
And my cramp ring.
Would, for thy fake, it were a better thing.
3 COUNTRYMA N.
And mafter Sergeant, take my box of copper.
4 COUNTRY MAN.
And my wife's thimble
5 COUNTRYMAN.
And this 'bacco-ſtopper.
SERGEANT.
No bribes. Take back your things---I'll have them not.
Oh! must I die?
PEASCO D.
CHORUS of COUNTRY MEN.
Oh! muſt poor Tim be fhot!
PEASCO D.
But let me kiſs thee firft
[Embracing Filbert.
SCENE
The WHAT D'YE CALL IT. 245
SCENE III.
PEASCOD, CORPORAL, SOLDIERS, COUNTRYMIN,
SERGEANT, FILBERT, DORCAS,
DORCA S.
Ah, brother Tim.
Why thefe cloſe hugs? I owe my ſhame to him.
He fcorns me now, he leaves me in the lurch ;
In a white ſheet poor I muſt ſtand at church.
Omarry me--[To Filbert.] Thy fifter is with child. [To Tim.
And he, 'twas he my tender heart beguil'd.
PEASC O D.
Couldst thou do this? couldſt thou---
[In anger to Filb.
Draw out the men:
SERGEANT.
Quick to the ftake; he muſt be dead by ten.
DORCA S.
Be dead! muſt Tim be dead!
PEASCO D.
-He muſt he muſt.
DORCA S.
Ah! I ſhall fink downright; my heart will burſt.
---Hold, Sergeant, hold,--- yet ere you fing the Pfalms,
Ah let me eaſe my conſcience of its qualms.
M 3
246 The WHAT D'YE CALL IT
O brother, brother! Filbert ftill is true.
I foully wrong'd him---do, forgive me, do.
[To Filb.
The Squire betray'd me; nay,---and what is worſe,
Brib'd me with two gold guineas in this purſe,
To fwear the child to Filbert
PEASCO D.
What a Jow
My fifter is!
Do, Tom, forgive her, do. [To Filb.
FILBERT.
[kiſſes Dorcas.
But fee thy baſe-born child, thy babe of ſhame,
Who, left by thee, upon our parish came,
Comes for thy bleſſing
SCENE
IV.
PEASCOD, CORPORAL, SOLDIERS, COUNTRYMEN,
SERGEANT, FILBERT, DORCAS, JOYCE.
PEASCO D.
Oh! my fins of youth!
Why on the haycock didft thou tempt me, Ruth ?
O fave me, Sergeant: --- how fhall I comply?
---
I love my daughter fo I cannot die.
Force.
Muft father die! and I be left forlorn ?
A lack a day! that ever Joyce was born!
No
The WHAT D'YE CALL IT. 247
No grandfire in his arms e'er dandled me,
And no fond mother danc'd me on her knee.
They faid, if ever father got his pay,
I ſhould have two pence ev'ry market-day.
PEASCO D.
Poor child; hang forrow, and caſt care behind thee,
The parish by this badge is bound to find thee.
[Pointing to the badge on her arm.
Jorce.
The pariſh finds indeed----but our church-wardens
Feaſt on the filver, and give us the farthings.
Then my ſchool-miſtreſs, like a vixen Turk,
Maintains her lazy husband by our work:
Many long tedious days I've worſted ſpun ;
She grudg'd me victuals when my task was done.
Heav'n fend me a good fervice! for I now
Am big enough to waſh or milk a cow.
PEASCO D.
O that I had by charity been bred!
I then had been much better
---
taught than fed.
Instead of keeping nets againſt the law,
I might have learnt accounts, and fung Sol-fa.
Farewel, my child; ſpin on, and mind thy book,
And ſend thee ſtore of grace therein to look.
M 4
Take
248 The WHAT D'YE CALL IT.
Take warning by thy fhameleſs Aunt; left thou
Shouldft o'er thy baftard weep
---
as I do now.
Mark my laſt words---an honeſt living get;
Beware of Papiſhes and learn to knit.
[Dorcas leads out Joyce fobbing and crying.
SCENE
V.
PEASCOD, CORPORAL, SOLDIERS, COUNTRYMEN,
SERGEANT, FILBERT,
FILBERT.
Let's drink before we part
To Tim's faſe paſſage
for forrow's dry.
[Takes out a brandy-bottle, and drinks.
I COUNTRYMAN.
I'll drink too.
2 COUNTRYMAN.
And I.
PEASCO D.
Stay, let me pledge--- 'tis my laſt earthly liquor. [Drinks.
When I am dead you'll bind my grave with wicker.
[They lead him to the ſtake.
1 COUNTRYMAN.
He was a special ploughman
2 COUNTRYMAN.
[Sighing.
Harrow'd well!
3 COUN
The WHAT D'YE CALL IT. 249
3 COUNTRY MAN.
And at our may-pole ever bore the bell!
PEASCO D.
Say, is it fitting in this very field,
Where I ſo oft have reap'd, ſo oft have till'd ;
This field, where from my youth I've been a carter,
I, in this field, fhould die for a deferter?
FILBERT.
'Tis hard, 'tis wondrous hard !----
SERGEANT.
Zooks here's a pother.
Strip him; I'd ftay no longer for my brother.
PEASCOD.
[Diſtributing his things among his friends.
Take you my 'bacco-box---- my neckcloth, you.
To our kind Vicar fend this bottle-skrew.
But wear theſe breeches, Tom; they're quite bran-new.
FILBERT.
Farewel
1 COUNTRY MAN.
I
B'ye, Tim.
z COUNTRYMAN,
-B'ye, Tim.
3 COUNTRYMAN.
Adieu.
4 COUN
250 The WHAT D'YE CALL IT
4 COUNTRYMAN.
Adieu.
[They all take leave of Peafcod by
Shaking hands with him.
SCENE VI.
PEASCOD, CORPORAL, SOLDIERS, COUNTRYMEN,
SERGEANT, FILBERT, to them
FILBERT, to them a SOLDIER in
great hafte.
SOLDIER.
Hold why fo furious, Sergeant? by your leave,
Untye the pris'ner --- fee, here's a reprieve.
CHORUS of COUNTRYMEN.
A reprieve, a reprieve, a reprieve!
[Shews a paper,
[Huzzaing.
[Peafcod is unty'd, and embraces his friends.
SCENE VII.
PEASCOD, CORPORAL, SOLDIERS, COUNTRYMEN,
SERGEANT, FILBERT, CONSTABLE.
CONSTABLE.
Friends, reprehend him, reprehend him there.
SERGEANT.
For what?
CON-
The WHAT D'YE CALL IT 251
CONSTABLE.
For ftealing gaffer Gap's gray mare.
[They feize the Sergeant.
PEASCOD.
Why, hark ye, hark ye, friend; you'll go to pot.
Would you be rather hang'd---hah!--- hang'd or fhot!
SERGEANT
Nay, hold, hold, hold
PEASCO D.
Not if you were my brother.
Why, friend, fhould you not hang as well's another?
CONSTABLE.
Thus faid Sir John the law must take its courfe;
'Tis law that he may 'fcape who fieals a horſe.
But (laid Sir John) the ſtatutes all declare,
The man ſhall ſure be hang'd that fteals a mare,
PEASCO D.
[To the Sergeant.
Ay---right---he ſhall be hang'd that ſteals a mare.
He ſhall be hang'd----that's certain; and good cauſe..
A rare good fentence this---how is't ?---the laws,
No---not the laws---the ftatutes all declare,
The man that ſteals a mare ſhall fure --- be --- hang'd,
No, no---he ſhall be hang'd that ſteals a mare.
[Exit Sergeant guarded, countrymen, &c.
buzzaing after him.
SCENE
252 The WH AT D'YE CALL IT
SCENE
VIII,
KITTY, with her hair loofe, GRANDMOTHER,
AUNT, HAY MAKERS, CHORUS of SIGAS
and GROAN S.
KITTY.
Dear happy fields, farewel; ye flocks, and you
Sweet meadows, glitt'ring with the pearly dew:
And thou, my rake, companion of my cares,
Giv'n by my mother in my younger years :
With thee the toils of full eight Springs I've known,
"Tis to thy help I owe this hat and gown ;
On thee I lean'd, forgetful of my work,
While Tom gaz'd on me, propt upon his fork:
Farewel, farewel; for all thy task is o'er,
Kitty ſhall want thy fervice now no more.
[Flings away the rake.
CHORUS of SIGHS and GROAN S.
Aho!
-O! — Sure never was the like before !
KITTY.
Happy the maid, whoſe ſweetheart never hears
The foldier's drum, nor writ of Juftice fears.
Our bans thrice bid! and for our wedding-day
My kerchief bought! then prefs'd, then forc'd away!
CHORUS of SIGHS and GROAN S.
Ah! O! poor foul! alack! and well a day!
KITTY.
The WHAT D'YE CALL IT.
253
Κ Ι Τ Τ Υ.
You, Befs, ftill reap with Harry by your fide;
You, Jenny, fhall next Sunday be a bride;
But I forlorn ! This ballad fhews my care;
[Gives Sufan a ballad.
Take this fad ballad, which I bought at fair :
Sufan can fing----do you the burthen bear.
A BALL A D.
"T"
I.
WAS when the feas were roaring
With hallow blafts of wind;
A damfel lay deploring,
All on a rock reclin'd.
Wide o'er the roaring billows
She caft a wistful look;
Her head was crown'd with willows
That tremble o'er the brook.
II.
Twelve months are gone and over,
And nine long tedious days.
Why didst thou, vent'rous lover,
Why didst thou trust the feas?
Ceaſe, ceaſe, thou cruel ocean,
And let my lover rest:
Ah! what's thy troubled motion
To that within my breast?
III. The
1
254 The WHAT D'YE CALL IT.
III.
The merchant rob'd of pleaſure,
Sees tempefts in deſpair ;
But what's the lofs of treasure
To losing of my dear?
Should you fome coaft be laid on
Where gold and di'monds grow,
You'd find a richer maiden,
But none that loves you fo.
IV.
How can they say that nature
Has nothing made in vain;
Why then beneath the water
Should hideous rocks remain ?
No eyes the rocks difcover,
That lurk beneath the deep,
To wreck the wandring lover,
And leave the maid to weep.
All melancholy lying,
V.
Thus wail'd fhe for her dear;
Repay'd each blast with fighing,
Each billow with a tear ;
When, o'er the white wave stooping,
His floating corps ſhe ſpy'd;
Then like a lily drooping,
She bow'd her head and dy'd.
KITTY
The WHAT D'YE CALL IT.
255
KITTY.
Why in this world fhould wretched Kitty ſtay?
What if theſe hands ſhould make my ſelf away?
I could not fure do otherways than well.
A maid fo true's too innocent for hell.
[Whispers and gives her a penknife,
But harkye, Cis
I'll do't
AUNT.
'tis but to try
If the poor foul can have the heart to die,
[Afide to the Haymakers.
Thus then I ftrike-but turn thy head afide.
KITTY.
'Tis fhameless fure to fall as pigs have dy'd.
No- take this cord-
AUNT.
[Gives her à cord.
With this thou shalt be ſped.
[Putting the noose round her neck.
But curs are hang'd.
KITTY.
AUNT.
Chriſtians fhould die in bed.
KITTY.
Then lead me thither; there I'll moan and weep,
And cloſe theſe weary eyes in death.
AUNT.
256 The WHAT D'YE CALL IT.
AUNT.
Or fleep.
KITTY.
[Afide.
When I am cold, and ſtretch'd upon my bier,
My reſtleſs ſprite ſhall walk at midnight here!
Here fhall I walk for 'twas beneath yon tree
Filbert firft faid he lov'd---lov'd only me. [Kitty faints.
GRANDMOTHER.
She fwoons, poor Soul -- help, Dolly.
AUNT
She's in fits.
Bring water, water, water-
[Screaming.
GRANDMOTHER,
Fetch her wits.
[They throw water upon her.
KITTY.
Hah!! I am turn'd a ſtream--- look all below;
---
It flows, and flows, and will for ever flow.
The meads are all afloat --- the haycocks ſwim.
Hah! who comes here! ---my Filbert! drown not him.
Bagpipes in butter, flocks in fleecy fountains,
Churns, fheep-hooks, feas of milk, and honey mountains.
SCENE
The WHAT D'YE CALL IT. 257
SCENE
IX.
KITTY, GRANDMOTHER, AUNT, HAYMAKERS,
FILBERT.
KITTY.
It is his ghoſt
or is it he indeed ?
Wert thou not fent to war? hah, doft thou bleed?
No
'tis my Filbert.
FILBERT.
[Embracing her.
Yes, 'tis he, 'tis he,
Dorcas confefs'd; the Juftice fet me free.
I'm thine again.
KITTY.
I thine
FILBERT.
Our fears are fled.
Come, let's to Church, to Church.
KITTY.
FILBERT.
To wed.
To bed.
CHORUS of HAYMAKERS.
A wedding, a bedding; a wedding, a bedding.
[Exeunt all the Actors.
Sir ROGER.
Ay now for the Wedding. Where's he that plays the
Parfon? Now, neighbours, you ſhall fee what was never
VOL. I
N
fhewn
258 The WHAT D'YE CALL IT.
fhewn upon the London ſtage.---Why, heigh day? what's
our Play at a fland?
Enter a Countryman.
COUNTRYMAN.
So pleaſe your worſhip, I ſhould have plaid the Parfon,
but our Curate would not lend his gown, for he ſays it
is a profanation.
Sir ROGER.
What a fcrupulous whim is this? an innocent thing!
believe me, an innocent thing.
[The Fuftices affent by nods and figns.
Enter Stave the Parish-clerk.
STAVE.
Mafter Doctor faith he hath two and twenty good rea-
fons against it from the Fathers, and he is come himſelf
to utter them to your Worship.
Sir ROGER.
What, ſhall our Play be ſpoil'd? I'll have none of his
reafons call in Mr. Inference.
G
Stave gces out and re-enters.
STAVE.
Sir, he faith he never greatly affected ſtage Plays.
[WITHIN.]
Stave, Stave, Stave.
Tell him that I fay
Stave, Stave.
Sir ROGER.
[WITHIN.]
Sir ROGER.
What, fhall the Curate controul me? have not I the pre-
fentation? tell him that I will not have my play ſpoil'd;
nay, that he fhall marry the couple himſelf--I fay, he fhall.
Stave goes out and re-enters.
STAVE.
The fleward hath perfwaded him to join their hands in
the
The WHAT D'YE CALL IT. 259
the parlour within---- but he faith he will not, and cannot
in confcience confent to expoſe his character before neigh-
bouring gentlemen; neither will he enter into your wor-
fhip's hall; for he calleth it a liage pro tempore.
Sir HUMPHRY.
Very likely: The good man may have reafon.
Fußice STATUTE.
In troth, we muft in fome fort comply with the fcru-
pulous tender confcienc'd doctor.
Sir ROGER.
Why, what's a Play without a marriage? and what is
a marriage if one fees nothing of it? Let him have his
humour--- but fet the doors wide open, that we may fee
how all goes on.
[Exit Stave.
[Sir Roger at the door pointing.
So natural! d'ye fee now, neighbours? the ring i'faith.
To have and to hold! right again---well play'd, doctor
well play'd, Son Thomas. Come, come, I'm fatisfy'd
----now for the fiddles and dances.
Enter Steward, Squire Thomas, Kitty, Stave, &c.
STEWARD.
Sir Roger, you are very merry.
So comes a reck'ning when the banquet's o'er,
The dreadful reck'ning, and men fmile no more.
I wish you joy of your Play, and of your daughter, I
had no way but this to repair the injury your fon had
done my child --- fhe fhall ſtudy to deferve your favour.
[Prefenting Kitty to Sir Roger.
Sir ROGER.
Married! how married! can the marriage of Filbert
and Carrot have any thing to do with my fon?
STEWARD.
But the marriage of Thomas and Katharine may, Sir Roger.
Sir ROGER.
What a plague, am I trick'd then? I muſt have a ftage
Play, with a pox!
Sir
;
260 The WHAT D'YE CALL IT.
Sir HUMPHRY.
If this fpeech be in the play, remember the tankard,
Sir Roger.
Squire T HOM A S.
1
Zooks thefe ftage plays are plaguy dangerous things---
but I am no fuch fool neither, but I know this was all
your contrivance.
Justice STATUTE.
Ay, Sir Roger, you told us it was you that gave him the hint.
Sir ROGER.
Why blockhead! puppy! had you no more wit than
to fay the ceremony? he fhould only have married you
- in rhime, fool.
Squire THO M A S.
Why, what did I know, ha? but fo it is---and fince múr-
der will out, as the faying is; look ye, father, I was under
fome fort of a promiſe too, d'ye fee----ſo much for that---
If I be a husband, I be a husband, there's an end on't---
fure I must have been married fome time or other.
[Sir Roger walks up and down fretting, and
goes out in a paſſion.
Sir HUMPHRY.
In troth, it was in fome fort my opinion before; it is
good in law.
Juftice STATUTE.
Good in law, good in law----but hold, we muſt not
lofe the dance.
A DANCE.
EPILOGUE.
STAVE.
Our Stage Play has a moral----and no doubt,
You all have fenſe enough to find it out.
End of the Firſt Volume.
UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN
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