UM ONS º º º | º º ºss - WARD. id:CK. ºts * Tºº- UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN LIBRARIES GEO. SPENCER (late Snoxell & Spencer), º BLISHED 98 YEARS. - - . §Ilug º †rospettu º - §ritt ists post ºt. - - - The Nursery Gymnasium, Price complete, £3. MAN UFACTUREIR of GXMNASTIC APPARATUS To the British Army, the Homble. India Council, and London School Board, 52, GOSWELL ROAD, LONDON, E.C. (late 35 & 60,0|d Street). 4d. per lb. º The most efficient Cleansing Material ever offered. The family Wash without the misery of a steamy house. Cannot injure the most delicate fabric, is pleasant in use, and is the best sort of Soap for all purposes. A Lady writes to the Queen Newspaper, July 24th, 1880, and says:– “I shall be glad if anyone will give me their experience of SINCLAIR's CoID WATER SoAP for laundry use. I find it a great saving of time and material, as the clothes require less rubbing and no boiling, with the still more satisfactory result of being a much purer colour than the ordinary soap. I wish to recommend it to every housewife. Its cleansing properties far exceed anything I ever hoped to use, and the economy in time and coals is well worth while.” Buy it and Try for Yourselves. JAMES SINCLAIR, SOIlthWark, LOndon, º HE G. C. L. D. IMI IEH ID –A- Iºn IF. A. IFE. T. S. t 12th INTERNATIONAL MEDAL AWARDED. FI "ARD FOR CHOCOLATE AND COLOA AT THE SYDNEY EXHIBITION, - ..*.*.* f ºf - ºs. - .. • ‘’’ s - }, º sº ‘. . 2. * , , 9 * * ". º - - *T* * º * - ‘. . - * • * . - '. - - º ‘ry 's Cocoa Ext ract, A perfectly Pure and Delicious Beverage, prepared exclusively from Choice Cocoa " . . . . Nibs (deprived of the superfluous oil). ... ". . * “If properly prepared, there is no nicer or more wholesome preparation of Cocoa.”—Food, Water, and Air, Dr. HASSALL. - “Strictly pure, and well manufactured in every way.”—W. W. ãº, F.I.C., F.C.S., Cih, and Cownty Analyst, Bristol. , ºr “Pure_Cocoa from which a portion of its oily ingredients has been extracted.”—C; AS. A. CAMERON, M.D., F.R.C.S.I., Amalyst for Dublim. . J.S. FRY & SONS, BRISTOL AND LONDON. ‘. . ºf “...º.º.º. 3 g • ‘’ ºf EDICINES are invaluable in the treatment of all ailments every ... /USEHOL., . The PILLS PURIFY, REGULATE and STRENGTHEN tem, while the OY \rwent is unequalled for the cure of Bad Legs, Bad Wounds, Sores and Ulc *rs. Possessed of these REMEDIES every Mother the means of curing most complaints to which herself or Family is liable. V.B.—Advice Grafis at 533, Oxford Street, London, daily between the hours of 11 and 4, or by letter. EYERYBODY'S LAWYER (Beeton's Law Book). Entirely New Edition, Revised by a BARRISTER. A Practical Compendium of the General Principles of English Jurisprudence: comprising upwards of 14,600-Statements of the Law. With a full Index, 27,000 References, §ery numbered paragraph in its particular place, and under its general head. Crown 8v8, 1,685 pages, cloth gilt, 7s. 6ds. . ** The sound practical information contained in this voluminous work is equal to that $n a whole library of ordinary legal books, costing many guineas. Not only for every non-professional man in a difficulty are its contents valuable, but also for the ordinary teader, to whom a knowledge of the law is more important and interesting than is generally supposed. “The arrangement is very good, the index very full, and the statements, as far as we have fested them, trustworthy. . . . It is the most elaborate work of the kind which has come before us.”—Daily News. LONDON, WARD, LoCK, & Co., SALISBURY SQUARE, E.C. GRATEFUL–COMFORTING. 3.2 *'. ... • (BREAKFAs', OCOA. “By a thorough knowledge of the natural laws wi, h . . govern the operations of digestion and nutrition, and by a careful application of the fine properties of well- selected Cocoa, Mr. Epps has provided our breakfast tables with a delicately-flavoured beverage which may save ºr many weavy doctors' bills. It is by the judicious use of such articles of diet that a constitution may be gradually built up until su. on ene gi: :o resist every tendency to disease. Hundreds , f subtle maladier floating around us realy to attack werever tº weak point. We may escape mail, a fatal shy keeping ourselves well fortified with pure blood a properly nourished frame.”—7%e Civil Service Gaze -e “Manufacture of Cocoa-We will now give/ 11 | account of the process adopted by Messrs. James' Epps and Co., manufacturers of dietetic articles, at their works in Holland-street, Blackfriars, London.”—See Article in Cassell's Household Guide. - MADE SIMPLY witH Boiling water of MILK. ...tº SOLD ONLY IN PACICETS, LABELLED JAMESEPPS& C0, Homopopathic Chemists - LONDON. Also Makers of EPPS'S CHO.COLA 7'E ESSENCE for Afternoon use. t J g sh, # , , y # * t &º | a-— & - ^, MAX ADELEF'S VVO FRS, Price, in Picture Boards, 2s. each; Cloth Gilt, 2s. 6d. 1. Out of the Hurly Burly; Or, Life in an Odd Corner. With 400 Illustrations by A. B. FROST. | book is a gem, and its author a wit of the first water.”—The Figaro. "‘ ‘A Novel without a Plot. Profusely and Humorously Illustrated by A. B. FROST. “We have read it with very great pleasure—some of its chapters indeed two or three times over, and roared with laughter every time.”—Boston, Guardian. .. 3. Randonn Shots. Profusehy and Humorously Illustrated by A. B. FROST. “‘Random Shots’ is as good as its predecessor “Out of the Hurly Burly.’”— Dungee Advertiser. LONDON : WARD, LOCK, & Co., SALISBURY SQUARE, E.C. GUA RAAVTEED AE’URE AAVD SOLUB/A2. Is now taken by Thousands, as a light and invigorating Beverage, who could not before use “Prepared Cocoa" owing to its being too thick and heavy. It is three times the strength of the best “Homoeopathic Cocoas,” to which starch and sugar are added. * Observe—lf Cocoa thickens in the cup it proves the addition of starch. CADBURYS MEXICAN CHOCULATE, (In Blue Wrapper) Consists solely of the finest Cocoa and white Sugar. G00DALL’S HOUSEHOLD SPECIALTIES. A Single Trial solicited from those who have not yet tried these Splendid Preparations. GOODALL’S YORKSHIRE IRELISH. The Most Delicious Sawce im, the World. This cheap and excellent Sauce makes the plainest viands palatable, and the daintiest dishes more delicious. To Chops, Steaks, Fish, &c., it is incomparable. In Bottles, at 6d., 1s., and 2s. each. GOOD ALL’S BAIKING IPOWDER. The Best in the World. Makes delicious Puddings without eggs, Pastry without butter, and * Bread without yeast. In 1d. Packets, 6d, 1s., 2s., and 5s. Tins, GOODALL's QUININE win E." The Best and most Agreeable Tomic yet introduced. The best remedy known for Indigestion, Loss of Appetite, General Debility, &c. Restores delicate individuals to health. At 1s. 1; d., and 2s. 8d. each Bottle. GOODALL’S CUSTARD POWDER, For making Delicious Custards without Eggs, in less time and at half the Price. The Proprietors can recommend it to Housekeepers generally as a useful agent in the preparation of a good Custard. Give it a Trial. Sold in Boxes, 6d. and 1s. each. y GOODALL’S GINGER BEER POWDER Makes Three Gallons of the Best Ginger Beer in the World for 3d. The most valuable preparation for the production of a delicious and invigorating beverage. It is easily made, and is by far the Cheapest and Best Ginger Beer Powder ever offered to the public. Sold in Packets, 3d, and 6d. each. GOODALL’S EGG IPOWIDER. Its action in Cakes, Puddings, &c., &c., resembles that of the egg in every particular. One Penny Packet will go as far as four eggs; and one Sixpenny Tin as far as twenty-eight ! Sold everywhere, in 1d. Packets, 6d. and 1s. Tins. GOODALL’S BLANC-IMANGE POWDER Makes delicious Blanc-manges in a few minutes. In Boxes, 6d. and 1s. each. All the above-named Preparations may be had of all Grocers, Chemists, Patent Medicine Dealers, and Oilmen. MANUFACTURERS : GOODALL, BACKHOUSE & Cº., White HOISE Street, Lºds, REMOVE THE CAUSE AND THE EFFECTS WILL CEASE. KABERRY'S LUMBA (30 AND LIVER PILLS. The Best Pills in the World for Lumbago. The Best Pills in the World for Rheumatism and Gout. The Best Pills in the World for the Liver and Kidneys. The Best Pills in the World for Ladies’ Use. HESE Pills are Invaluable. They are the Best Medicine ever offered to the public as a certain and ef.ectual cure for the Lumbago and Liver, and for all Disorders of the Kidneys they are unequalled. One box will almost invariably cure the most severe attack of Lumbago; some may require two, but most cases are cured with even half a box. These Pills, although so efficacious, are in their operation very mild, and do not in the least disorder the Stomach or Bowels, nor unfit any one for exercise or travelling. One 1s. 1; d. box as a trial will be quite sufficient to convince the most incredulous that every word said about them is true. Sold in Boxes at 1s. 1%d., 2s. 9d., 4s. 6d., and 11s. each, by all Chemists and Patent Medicine Wendors; or sent to any address for 15, 36, or 60 stamps, by the Proprietors, GOODALL, BACKHOUSE & Co., Leeds, who have pur- chased the Recipe and sole right to their manufacture from the widow of the late WILLIAM KABERRY, Pateley Bridge. London Agents:–BARCLAY & Sons, W. EDWARDS and SON, SANGER & Son, and W. SUTTON & Co. g … º. *ś. .* * > . . 4'- * TN FOR THE WILLION - º - * A COMPILATION OF FANCIFUL TALES - AND FUNNY ANECDOTEs. AA’OA’O/SEZ Y ZZZ USTRATE ZO WZZTH MOA&E THAAV (Øite ºffumbrell icture; A V WEZ Z-A AVO WAV AA’ Z"/S Z'S - - LONDON : WARD, LOCK, AND Co., WARWICK HOUSE, DORSET BUILDINGS, SALISBURY SQUARE, E.C. ºoloºwº n, U. S. A. P. R. E. F. A. C. E. JUST a few words to introduce the new, strange, and amusing contents of this Volume to our friends, The Public. We have been at some pains to collect another funny Series of Stories and Jokes, and all we can say is we trust that they may be as well received as their predecessors have been. There is plenty of Fun and Fancy for your Shilling in this book. Buy it ! Verb. sap. / - FUN AND FANCY. -_- ---- A SHARP REPROOF. Ingenue to Middle-aged Joker. “Well, if the senses taker, as you term him, does call upon you, I shall be surprised, Mr. Bore’em.” (But Bore'em doesn't see it.) - . THE DELUGE, AFTER THAT. º, ºjº Nºll'ſ W \W.\\ %-\TN | - -º --- N Z/.../ --- - ºr in º/MMM II ºnſiſ|ſº º º Nº. º. º | | *7 | # ſ ºf jº - Nº º ºlº ºf | 1 - | - ºs Fº | ºº:: … ** *Sºlº ºf ~sºlſ|| º 7 - " ºs- º iWill º: --- * N. - | º - | \\\ |\\ \\\\ | hºlſº |ſºlº A LITTLE THESSON. Little Teacher. “Now, Jenny, we have got as far as the flood. What came after that?” - Little Scholar. “Puddles, please, Annel" GIVING HIM. A. LIFT. A young New Yorker was introduced to a Boston girl, and, before they were acquainted thirty minutes, she got so spoony that she had called him an asterolepis, a Silurian placoid and a cartilaginous verte- brate. He returned to New York by the midnight train. Tº An agricultural paper comes to us with an article on “Curing fruit by cold.”, We don’t care a cent for that, but if the bucolic editor could only invent some method of “Curing cold by fruit,” a grate- ful people would build him a monument. Or promise to. #6. º: HALF AND HALF. . The young High Church Curate having decided to bean Ultra-Ritualist, the young Irish ladies decide to give him atone-sure, and make him a regular “ dacent” priest entirely. THE RUBBER. Oh, pity the woman with pretty feet _Of her sex the most forlorn; For overshoes worn in the muddy street She regards with withering scorn. The arch of her instep, her pointed toe, Must be cased in the daintiest kid, And mounted, too, a la mode, you know, Though the laws of health forbid. The narrow sole and the tapering heel— What hide them in overshoes P No ; her pretty feet she will not conceal, Let others be guys who choose. So she trips and smiles in the muddy street, And walks in the soaking rain, And prides herself on her pretty feet, Spurning “rubbers” with disdain. * - And before the spring is halfway spent : She has influenza and chills, And rheumatism and liniment, And a cough and doctor’s bills; Neuralgia, and cramps and acute catarrh Nasal douches and camomile tea, And indigestion, molasses and tar Weak spine and debility; - - Quinine, sore eyes and a throbbing head, Some fever and lots of remorse, Incipient consumption—in fact, half dead, She is little more than a corse. - So ladies all who have pretty feet, Just wear a “rubber” or two; You will readily look almost as meat, And be healthier. Try-it; do. SIGHTS AND SCEHES OF LONDON LIFE. “Dar was Cato, one of de biggest philoso- phers in de hull world. Until his time no one knew why water didn't run up hill. He had hosses, an’ keeridges, an’ sulkies, an' cutters, an’ sto' cloze, an' seal rings. De newspapers flattered him, and de people praised him, an' he had a reserved front seat at all shows. An’ | work is gooD. yet Cato laboured. He put up cloze-lines, fixed de gait, repaired de back steps, built pig-pens, cleaned off de snow afore de purleece get aroun’ an' allus had a blister on his thumb. [Cheers. Our great Washington was a worker. When he hadn't any work on his own farm, he'd hire out to plow fur his nayburs. Adams, Jefferson, W Monroe, Pierce, an' Lincoln war' workers. Some !" of 'em would git up in de middle of de night to saw wood at forty cents per cord, [Cheers.] Let no member of dis club fule himself wid de idea dat labour am degradin'. Some of you may be loaded down wid gold ºn' greenbacks, but it won't hurt your dignity tº pick up a buck. saw an' wrastle wid a woodpile. Labour tones de stomach, tunes de muscles, elewates de mind, an' gives strength to de character. Wid dese few reflections I will now cloze.” The orator's, finis was greeted with a storm of applause, and it was evident that he had made a good impression. L TIII TITL a. -d an -E bo - º º | 3. º, 3 # P- rº - To E. 5 * , s -- q) q) QD º .E. ta of .3 F. ...Sº 5 TC : +3 º º - O La :- - , c. 3 * = PO: .3 : Tº 35: F, d --> #= ...; #g * † ºn. # * o: 3 3- #;"; ºf = ## = 5 §3 F.3 : E B-": * ### 5 FL ; B F 3 : "...s'E E3 E # sº t - #: jš$ It is said that 72,540,000 packets, or 18,740,800,000 single pins are manufactured yearly in the United States, being at the rate of 648 pins for every person of the population. Fifty years ago it took one man a minute to make 14 pins, now a single workman can make 14,000 in the same time. This throws some light on the question as to where the pins come from ; but the philosopher sticks when he tries to tell where they all go to. TEIE WATCH SALE IN HOUNDSDITCH. A scientist says it would require more than eight steel bars, each of whose section is 100 miles square, to turn the moon from its present path. If this is the case, we shall never attempt to turn the silver orb from its present course. * , :* - ºd +3 º O # 5 § 3 # * : ºp * ci o 5 o ºn H rº o # 9 5 = 3 3H tº 80's, 5: 2.2 3 --> . § 3 ; + 8 + an 3.5 ± 5 r-- tº 9 gº 8. § 3 + E-5 Hº Q *— , ºf : Tºº C TS 8, F. 3 ºn ºf P- -t; + q = ºn C C - " - 5, 3 = a + ºn c F 3 -> 5 3 5.5°E - co-r- 5 o rt º #3 & #3 # * = R = - * 3: sº o E 3.5 ± 5 # 5 * -- ºf E ºp 5 c - c o 3 ºz ºf Hº: , H +47: #: 33 : E. F. 3 It would cost too much for the steel bars. The path the moon is now travelling in suits us very well, and we don't believe it would improve mundane things to pry it a few feet either to the right or to the left. Better let well enough alone. --- SEEING DOUBLE / - In Scotland there are narrow open sheep ditches, called sheep drains. A man was riding a donkey across a sheep pasture—but when the animal came to a sheep drain he would not go over it. So, the man, rode him back a short distance, turned him round and applied the whip, thinking, of course, that the donkey, when going at the top of his speed, would jump the drain before he knew it. But not so. When the donkey got to the drain he stopped all of a sudden, and the man went over the donkey's head to the other side. No sooner had he touched the ground, than he, got up, and looking the beast straight in the face, said: “Verra weel pitched; but then, hoo are ye ta get ower yersel'?” - -- -- ; ſ § s f : ~ : § i A Galveston man met a gentleman from Northern Texas, and asked how a certain mutual friend was coming on. “He is doing very well,” was the reply. “What business is he at 7” “He has got the softest thing in the world of it. He bought a lot of Mexican donkeys at San Antonio for 3 dollars a piece, and having taken them up to his rancho, he clears 27 dollars a head on them.” “Do they bring such high prices !” “No, but he lets the railroad trains run over them, and the company has to pay him 30 dollars a piece for them.” A CALGULATING TOPER |- ſ'，ſºſ1. " ！， º Ź% ſážź4 %77% %% %%/%77. ： • …… ， ſae //ZZ% -----7 （~~~~）;- · ſºğ% Źź ，~~~~ …· ----Ź№. ：， ，，… ：： - ， ， ） E TRUE RECKONING. erha p “I was in at a quarter of twelve, TH d out till three aine ps you will explain why you rem “Won', Come, say Irate Spouse. this morning -> and — “Oh, how can you tell me such a falsehood 7 I heard JHusband trike three!” it S ter of twelve tº Irate Spouse. Husband. “Well, then, isn't three a quar [Wiſe retires.] GOOD ADVICE, GRATIS. - “My case is just here,” said a citizen to a lawyer the other day : “The plaintiff will swear that I hit him. I will swear that I did not. Now, what can you lawyers make out of that if we go to trial P’’ ‘‘ Five dol- lars apiece,” was the prompt reply. “Tom, where can I get a good two-foot rule?" “I can give you one on the spot, John.” “Well, let's have it.” “ Don't wear tight shoes! That rule applies to both feet.” Minister (to Rory)—“Why weren't you at the kirk on Sunday?” Rory—“I wis at Mr. Dunlop's kirk.” Minister—“I don’t like your running about tae strange kirks in that way. Not that I object tae yer hear- ing Mr. Dunlop ; but I'm shure ye widna like yer ain sheep straying away into strange pastures.” Rory—“I widua care a grain, sir, if it was better grass.” When a man says: “I hear a noise,” it probably never occurs to him that there is nothing in this wide world that anybody can hear but a noise. A youth who was trying to master a bicyle, when asked his age, said he had seen fifteen summers and about one hundred and fifteen falls. His mother had taken him to a concert where there were recita- tions and music. The piece which most captivated his youthful fancy was “Captain Jinks,” which was sung with great éclat by a sober-sided fellow. The next Sunday was Fred's first day. at church, and he watched with interest the progress of the exercises, keeping very still during the reading, and nearly through the “long prayer,” when, becoming somewhat restive, he pulled at his mother's dress, and asked quite audibly: “Mamma, isn’t is most time for ‘Captain Jinks’?” 1,23 2.1% % There are many mean men in this world. An Indiana man stopped his paper and said in the presence of a crowd that he'd never read the sheet again, or circulate it ; and the fiendish editor went the next day and printed an article speaking very highly of that man as a prominent citizen. And of course the man couldn't go back on his word and read the article, and he nearly went as wild as he would if they had taken liquor away from him. Revenge is sweet. - | THE RESULT OF MIS-GOVERNMENT. - . ==º# = sºlº *- º | º/ = ||. º . | º | E; º: ~ E_º # = º º * \\ |% º º à * ºft| liſill//. N \ ||| % - | %| tºwn tº A. --> --- - “BOYCOTTING." IN IRELAND. The Lady Louisa Hill is obliged to do her own washing in the back garden, as the servants have been warned to leave by the Land Leaguers. — : A meddlesome old woman was sneering at a young mother's awkwardness with her infant, and said: “I declare, a woman never ought to have a baby unless she knows how to hold it.” “Nor a tongue, either,” was the quiet rejoinder. | A tramp woke up suddenly with gold sweat standing in great beads upon his fore- head. “What's the matter?" asks his com- panion. “A frightful dream | I dreamt I was at work l’’ ‘‘I told you that # last mince pie would give you a horrid nightmare.” : EE 5: ! We are told that “the Princess of Wales, A Memphis man wanted to kill a mos- #5 #####3 § 3. :* 5 when at Sandringham, has little tea-parties, quito on the back of a friend's neck, and, £g E. E. 3 #3 P- tº E3 3. º for which she herself makes the butter in a without stopping to mention his design, hit -É ":33 ă ă ă ă # 5 - E = silver churn and spreads it on slices of the insect a belt, and when his friend got up - F; Ég; Hä Fºr tº 3 : bread which she º with her own hands.” and brushed the sand out of his mouth and #F#5. 3 & 5 # 5 #.### Somebody ought to give her a bread eyes, four ". ** hold him while the #: 3 : p E.; 3 & 5 º z knife. - matter was explained. ; : * ** : E. E G-3 — E 3-3 --> £-3 E. 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Suſāſ pub sºſpºº N. ,,9.It, qnaeos ſe put ubuIoIºſuæ3 W−'qub Ingļsº I ſe u I “Your little birdie has been very, very was some sort of nervous trouble, and the doctors said I should have perfect rest and quiet, and that I must think of nothing— absolutely nothing. And all the time, dear sick,” she wrote to the young man. IN THE DAYS OF MY YOUTH, In canning peaches mothers should have their little boys help them peel the fruit. A great deal of labour is thus obviated. A mother informs us that the peaches she had supposed would fill six jars only made five. She had her little son’s help in peeling, and therefore got through her canning quicker than she had anticipated. Dr. Brown was in the habit of proposing on festive occasions a certain young lady as his toast. Having abandoned the practice, he was asked for a reason. “Because,” said he, “I have toasted her for sixteen years without being able to make her | brown, and I've resolved to toast her no longer.” : - : : | - i i | : : ! | N.: # : : i º: i f i i É i. \ - |ſº | y Y. / i THE SONG OF THE CAD. I'm a cad, I'm a cad, people's knockers I wrench, I cut my initials on every bench, All statues and churches and monuments SnOW The traces of 'Arry wherever Igo. No style I possess in my clothes, or my ſº togs,” As I love to call them—throw “taste” to the dogs. In young ladies’ faces I puff my vile smoke, For insult like this Iregard a good joke. In slang I’m a stunner, just rather, oh, yes! I'm fly at a fakement with Polly or Bess; Some good-natured people aver I am mad, They are greatly mistaken—I’m only a cad! And thus I go on. blamed, But don’t you imagine I'm ever ashamed. Not a * not a bit—Tho' not thoroughly ba I’m mostly unpleasant, and always a cad! For my folly I’m “Look here, Matilda,” said a Galveston lady to the coloured cook, “you sleep right close to the chicken-house, and you must have heard those thieves stealing the chickens.” “Yes ma'am, I heerd de éhiêkens holler, and heerd de voices ob de men.” “Why didn't you go out, then P” “Case, ma’am [bursting into tears, case, ma'am, I knowed my ole fadder was out dar, and I wouldn’t hab him know I'se los’ confidence in him fadh all de chickens in de world.” # - - - “Cl6the me in dreams,” says Fanny D., a tender-hearted poet. hat might have been sufficient a few weeks since, Fanny, during the heated term, but don't you attempt to go out in this weather with nothing on you but a dream. Why, you'd catch your death of cold, girl! Don’t do it; please, don’t. - E = # # £º * 3: ; H va O N- 5 # 5 # & B E > - c -- U 5' ºn < E 3. IT) G 2. 5 § 2. 3 - —H # 3. C 5. -U E. E. Ti E" C - as E —H He fº - # 3 º T § 5 ºff' ...Tº w-wiv-w ITI gºo -- - ſ - - N: = # wan E E. º É |NE º-º-º/A º -T1 ſºu |P L - | 2.7 - - E: É | | wº | | \ - . º E7 - -U to a ſº |\;| % TNSS, ſº CO * E. 4.===ºss w Šs Å; 23. H ; : T TWiT J'ſ 2 ; : 3 * o E. E. ot, va - ----- - - - “What the wild waves are saying” is probably a water-spout. An orator who was hit on the head during a quarrel at a meeting in Ireland, said that it was not the land of the sham rock at all. Seven children striving for one piece of ginger-cake are apt to produce a scene of squallor. - * CATCHING! A TART-AH / LEssons IN cookERY. Miss Cicely Jones is just home from boarding-school, and engaged to be married, and as she knows nothing about cooking or housework, is going to take a few les- sons in the culinary art to fit her for the new station in life which she is expected to adorn with housewifely grace. She certainly makes a charming picture as she stands in the kitchen door, draped in a chintz apron, prettily trimmed with bows of ribbon, her bangs hidden under a Dolly Warden cap, and her dimpled white hands encased in old kid gloves, while she sways to and fro on her dainty French kid heels, like some graceful wind-blown flower. “Mamma,” she lisped prettily, “please introduce me to your assistant P” Whereupon mamma says : “ Bridget, this is your young #. of milk, and that thick, yellow coat- Ill “Is crame. (Lord, such ignorance).” “Crame ! Now, Biddie, dear, I must get to work. I'm going to make a cake all out of my own head for Henry—he's my lover, Biddie—to eat when he comes to-night.” Bridget (aside)—“It’s dead he is, sure thin, if he ates it !” “I've got it all down here, Biddie, on my tablet : A pound of butter, twenty eggs, two pounds sugar, salt to your taste. No, that's a mistake. Oh, here it is. Now, Biddie, the eggs first. It says to beat them well; but won't that break the shells P’’ “Well, I’d break thim this time if I were you, Miss Cicely; they might not set well on Mister Hen- lady, Miss Cicely, who wants to learn the ry’s stummach ef ye didn’t,” said Bridget, name and use of every- thing in the kitchen, and how to make cocoanut rusks and angels' food before she goes to housekeeping for herself.” º Bridget gives asnort of disfavour, but as she looks at the young lady, relents, and says “I’ll throy.” “And now, Bridget dear,” says Miss Cicely, when they are alone, “tell me every- thing. You see, I don’t know anything except what they did at School, and isn't this old kitchen lovely P What makes pleasantly. “Oh, I suppose the shells are used separ- ately. There! I've broken all the eggs into the flour. I don't think I’ll use the shells, Biddie ; give them to some poor people. Now what next P. Oh, I'm so tired Isn't house work dreadful hard P But I’m glad I've learned to make cake. Now what shall I do next Biddie P’’ “Excuse me, Miss Cicely, but you moight give it to the pigs. It's mesself can't see anyother useforit,” this ceiling such a beautiful bronze colour, Bridget P '' º “Shmoke,” answered Bridget shortly, “andmeouldeyesareputout with that same.” ." Shmoke-I must remember that ; and, Bridget, what are those shiny things on the Wall P’’ “Kivers—tin kivers for the pots and kittles.” - - “Kivers?—oh yes, I must look for the derivation of that word. Bridget, what are those round things in the basket P’’ “Praties . . (For the Lord’s sake, where hez ye lived niver to hear of praties F) Why them's the principal mate of Ireland where I kim from.” “Oh, but we have corrupted the name into potatoes; such a shame not to keep the idiom of a language. Bridget—do you mind if I call you Biddie P-it is more euphonious and modernizes the old classic appellation. What is this liquid in the pan here?” “Och, murder | Where wuz ye raised? That's millick, fresh from the cow.” “Millick P. That is the vernacular, I sup- said Bridget crustily. “Pigs! Oh, Biddie you don't mean to say that you have some dear, cunning little white pigs Oh, do bring the little darlings in and let me feed them. I'm just dying to have one for a pet. I saw some canton flannel ones, once at a fair, and they were too awfully sweet for anything.” Just then the bell rang, and Bridget re- turned to announce Mr. Henry, and Cicely told Bridget she would take another lesson the next day, and then she went upstairs in her chintz apron and mob cap, with a little dab of flour on her tip-lifted nose, and told Henry she was learning to cook, and he told her she must not get over-heated or worried out, for he didn’t care whether she could cook or not ; he should never want to eat when he could talk to her, and it was only sordid souls that cared for cooking. d meanwhile poor Bridget was just slamming things in the kitchen and talking to herself in her own sweet idiom about “idgits turning things upside down for her inconvanencing.” ‘. * A Berkshire county goat hates red so that he ran three miles to butt at a gorgeous sunset which he thought rested on top of a hill, and he was mightily disgusted when he got there to find it was just as far off. The butterfly never goes back on its grub. It couldn't without insulting its own cook-oon. º rtº | º - zº - : A London druggist has this cheerful invitation in his shop window : “Come in and get twelve emetics for one shilling.” Tennyson spends hours on a single line. But that's nothing. We have known men who spent their whole lives on a single line. They were generally conductors. - One of the most remarkable operations in dentistry ever recorded was performed at Portsmouth, N. H., recently. A boy who has been out for a drive was descending from the carriage, when the horse gave a vigorous whisk of his tail, twisted the end of a hair around one of the boy’s front teeth, and pulled it out so quickly that the lad had hardly time to feel the loss. They have moonlight excursions on the Connecticut river at Spring field, Massachusetts, with amusements which have never yet been thought of in England. They sweep the electric light over the river now and then, exhibiting in the full glare of its beams the couples out in row-boats at the moment of enjoying an affectionate embrace. It is rather mean, but the spectators enjoy it mightily and the excursion boats are crowded. THEN AND NOW!. PAST AND PRESENT. ：::&& &&&& ：Rºſ ∞∞∞ §§ №&& The Bailiff and the Reeve. - №.7. ¿№vae， §§§§% ſººſ\， :：:&\，% |- NŞ，∞ĀŅ §% №- §§ The Knight of the Present and of the Past, - - - The New York Star relates the following anecdote which Sexton Brown, of Grace Church, New York, who died last week, used to tell with much jollity: On one occasion he was standing in the entrance to the church while service was going on, when he noticed a man who halted on the sidewalk in front of him, and made a careful optical survey of the edifice. “What are you looking at P* queried Brown. * Do you think this is a Catholic Church because there is a cross on it?" *** Begorra, I don’t,” was the reply “for if it was I know the devil wouldn’t be standin’ in the door of it.” º - º F. E. § 3. : 3 º, 3 ºr º- E 5: s E. c E. : Q — gº E 3 * : ºf Jº tº H' ço c e- É C º 3 3 E. E. *. E. E. cº- # 3 # g E. ço gº -- 5 CD # E 3 £ 3 l. 3 #. 5. 5. 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It was his first appearance at church, and in order that he might sit perfectly still and keep his little chatter between his teeth, he was told that a big dog would bite him if he didn't keep that quiet. The little fellow cast several glances up and down the aisle, and at last, just in the most interesting part of the minister's prayer, startled the congregation by piping up, “Mamma, where is the dog P” The papers of France are rejoicing about the excellent prospect of there being lots of cham- agne this season because the grape crop is good, just as if there was any connection between plenty of grapes and plenty of champagne. In America chemical science has reached such a state of perfection that it really makes very little difference, as far as wine is concerned, whether grapes grow or not. “What kind of a plant is this P” asked the deacon, during a lull in the excitement of the sociable. “That," explained the hostess, “is my candidissima variegata.” “Oh-ah-so it is,” assented the deacon. “I thought at first it was a geranium, but I see now that it is some- thing rarer;” and he went and asked his wife why she never cultivated any of those beautiful long-named plants. - BEEIIND THE SCENES. THE TRIALS OF A TUMBLER. T - When we say Tumblers we do not mean glasses. The Tumblers we refer to, though frequently cut and “blown,” and even broken in the exercise of their vocation, are two-footed animals, and frequently associated with “Punch.” It is of such | THE FIRST STAGE. a Tumbler we would speak. These Tumblers are born, not made—like poets—for tumbling runs in families, as do wooden legs. We all have seen children tumble at an early age. Tumblers are itinerant also, for, as is well known they dis-locate them- selves weekly at least. With this preface we will proceed to the Trials of a Tumbler. ||||| THE FIRST OPENING. A Baby wanted for Pantomime. Thus the infantile Tumbler is initiated. Start not l He is not torn to pieces by the Pantaloon, nor sat upon by the Clown. He is only thrust down, a mortar and through a “trap,” while a dummy is let go in the “flies.” This is the Tumbler's first trial. The pay for the “use of him.” is small, and he thus gets inured to hard knocks, at an early stage of his career. The Clown and Pantaloon play with our little Tumbler for many weeks, and thus his profession is chosen for him, and he becomes an Acrobat. BEHIND THE SCENES. - TRIALS OF A TUMBLER. - II. - - - But when the baby has been shot down the great-gun and reached the floor under- neath the stage, he found himself amongst strangemonsters of the Pantomime. Winn § º: f ׺ W &wº º ºſſ) - THESE ARE THE “PROPS ’’ OF THE STAGE. When our friend grew older he learnt that these curious things were termed “props,” but what they propped he could not tell. But the time we speak of our hero was quite a baby, and when the Pantomime time had come to a close he was left upon. the Manager's hands. The Manager was decidedly astonished when his Prompter tin, Ill || || ºS. rºyo ( 2) --> - - E. o C → c T5 - wº- - *H § - # - Rºº - *3 bo 3:304 § -, TN WN º *::::### *NWyº Neº: gº à 23 ºšNY: .275 s = 5 3 || TºSºle' Vºsº) WN THE OLD MESS TABLE OF MY YOUTH. | IMPERFECT SYMPATHIES. Stop here a moment. Now the rising moon Silvers the sail of yonder tiny boat That daily drifts upon the rippled sea, An elfin shallop wherein the fairies float. Some happy boy leans listless o'er the side ; Sweetly he drifts and dreams, and little wots The carking cares of mortals. What you think It is a fisher hauling lobster pots? Mark yonder stooping figure on the sand, A gnome it is, and one can see his pack Wherewith he clambered from the under- world, Bearing rich ore and jewels on his back. See, where he stops his tottering steps to 1g His homeward way to sunless caves where reach The fibrous rootlets of the oak-I won't Be º º Some one shrimping on the each. Hull, ºrough the air I hear a chime of el1S, How faint, how musically sweet they be, Hun; ºup. on the coursers of Queen a 0, Urging her chariot o'er the silvered sea. I almost catch the murmur of its wheels, Bearing for you and me a happy dream. Can you not hear them P What you think it is The dealer's cart who peddles out ice cream P Come, let us sit here on this shining beach And fancy 'tis our own ; the plashing tide Shall be sweet music lulling us to sleep, This sea-girt shore a palace for my bride; The starry heavens shall be our canopy, And yonder harvest moon our chamber's lamp; These sands shall be our—bless my soul, a sneeze 1 Come, let’s go home; the air is growing damp. Irish M.P. Agitator. “Good gracious ! I say, Connor, what's the matter? Not shot, man, surel - - - - - y. Let me assist you, Hem ’’ Mr. Connor. “Yes, thanks to you, I'm potted at last.” “What for 7" “Because I didn't speak ºit Leaguers said that was an insult to the ...; speak with a Cork brogue, and the Länd - MR. BIFFIN'S ADVENTURES. ADVENTURE THE SECOND. *T miſſiſ| | § º º ºf | §§ {} ºl § º | FI t º % \ º N §§ & 2- - T-TS §§s Mr. Biffin being now attired as he thinks fit, thinks he will go up to Islington and See the Cattle Show. He steers his course for the Bullocks. ºs NºNN/ ſº s N . \º T m IIe arrives in safety amid a flourish of horns! The Prize Steer is much admired, and is going to Windsor to see the great Queen, Biffin is much struck. WELCOME HOME. TāĀSTOS ĮGŪ siſīsāīāīāīāīūĒēĪīŪūȚīāīāīāīāīīīīīīīīīīīīīīīīīīĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒR ºoº …“XĪNĪVĀ GIJNOOTSIAA SÐOGI-HOLWAA GIHĒ. ĶIVGIH OL LEIGTAAS SIL. ,, • --- I t | ſ WWF' - a shadow of a sigh, “it looks like your new soft felt hat, and that is what I thought it was, but you pulled it out of your pocket when you came home this morning and said it was a nice steak and you wanted it broiled for breakfast. You needn’t give me any of it; I'm not hungry.” And Mr. Setemup, who was just wild to know what else he said when he came home, and what time it was, for the life of him didn’t dare to ask. | (i. Mr. Setemup came downstairs to a ten o’clock breakfast with a |\%. vacant countenance and a backward tendency in his hair that made his Ca eyes ache. He sat down at the table, and picking up his knife and 5. fork glared in uneasy wonder at something in the dish before him. It £ had evidently been fried in butter and was intended for food. Mr. º Setemup harpooned it with his fork, and lifted it up bodily, gazing at É it with ever increasing wonder. “What under the sun,” he exclaimed Fº at last, “is this thing?” “Well,” replied his patient wife, with just *-3 3: 2. 3 ////E— : C —-T/º/7= tº 25 É 3: 4% > É ... 3 + U E. # 5 - < £" 2 B [T] H E" ā- 3. 2. 2. ... g. 5. — # * # 3. C Qu # 3 # -U -- gº o IT "c -3 sº. --T tº *- K- - 3. -- E k- — & 3 : 3 T Fº “-4 5 E. H. F. -- ITI E º: E → o Hº Fº as 'E. à S. 3. - CD É É. a. ITI - # 8. § O o § E. E. o O E. * B 2. à cº- e-- g ă ă. - E. E & º §: É ſº É" E. o 3. - MR. BIFFIN?.S. ADVENTURES. - - “Whenever Caravansary Week comes round,” remarked Mrs. Goodington, look- ing over the specs that had become opaque from the tears that filled her eyes, “when Caravansary Week comes round, I can’t keep my mind off of poor Daniel. How the dear man used to enjoy it. He was a Utilitarian, you know ; but he used to say that every sex had something admirable about it, something that was worth irritat- ing by the others. So he used to go every- where, listening to one predomination in the forenoon, another in the afternoon, and a third in the evening. And how the good soul looked hopefully on Tommy, it man would talk of degeneration by faith, the vicar's condonement, and all those doctor’s things. There's few men like Daniel !” In her abstraction, the dear old. - 9. that perhaps he might “peramulate his father,” as she expressed it, without noti- cing that he was cutting out some of the most intricate figures in her school-day Sampler. --- Leigh Hunt was asked by a lady at des- ser, if he would not venture on an Orange. “No, Madam. I should be very happy to do so, but I am afraid I would tumble off.” G F ºbſ, 2 S. MR. BIFFIN.—W. QDºº-cº E -º- # F# gº 5.3+ 5: 5-3.s. || || 1 || #: *ś B 5;3 5. --|| || || # $35. dºtſ) tº - § 5 tº £1.3 gāº Bºsºn-iſ- 3.33 5* # *āś3. N #3; # "F. 4; 32- º º O 5 Qºd rld QD 8ſ). cº -- ~ : E: un § 2}u_; “” 5 : cº ####so #4 ## • #T. # rt. ###. §3.43°F H Q . #3 &º: * o ºs – ; &: --> Qº) 3. .# #. 3. N. : ##5 5. ### = i #355;& = 5 §. - Tº a 5 : º33 3 - - Qo g: ### 5 § H-E-P-3 3.H.3 § 3 ;35 Tº spºº # 3 sº #33 H.E = PA ; E 5 - So ºp # 3:33.8-d = ##- 5: ####3. §§§ 2 # # 4 ºf *### : Q ‘à # 5 g E 4 5: H5, := a #5 : . E. in rº .3E 3- 5. Pi— E - º EH = R3 ="3"EPH # a E ETS 3 + rid 3 sº. 3 ºf 5 : TE → T. E ºs.: +3"> & 3 H & £73 F. F. – H ºf 3 S 9 tº 9. F. B o E * : § 5 P. º, tº 80 o - § 3 - F. ;: ###### E = T 3.5 an - 5 ſº , ord F. § - # 3, 33 * g : : 33 ## 3 ; ; ; = # 3.3 Go F. § cº-9 cº :- - - - - - - :# 80 - 3 - P4 3 * := ºrº P-.5.3%.B.A - £3.5'3 T : #3: 5 co After a short time, however, he is bowled out, # ... & #5 É à #### and the simple countrymen, having taken care of £re ### £4.3 #S his watch and purse for fear he should lose them, E 5:33.5 Tun to fetch assistancell Old Mr. Doubleskull had been poring over a map for several minutes, the troubled look on his face showing that he was wrest- ling with a problem that had got the upper hold of him. Finally looking up, the cloud o’erspreading his features partially gone, “I understand, now how these lines come here"—pointing to the parallels of longi- tude and latitude up and down and across the Atlantic Ocean—“ for I remember being told that ‘Britannia rules the wayes;’ but how them lines got on shore, too, beats me.” - Mary came recommended as a first-rate | cook, boasting that she had served in the most jantale families. When she was up- braided for not sending in the ice cream she said, “Is it the cold poultice in the tin jug you mean?” [ſer mistress thought her to be witty, until the next morning, when she found her examining the broiling iron and saying, “Madam, wouldn't it be well to throw away these two old sides of the bird cage P” A NTOHT WI" BURNS, - § ==Tº º W _ ]ºllllllº S. Azº º º ||||| ſ ſ Nº. ºğl Šºć N Sº - Cº. Z Bºliº - Nº. w º - - - - - ; ; •r- i i º EXPERIENCES OF AN ACROBAT. THE TRIALS OF A TUMBLER. III. We have here our friend Jack, who is interviewed by a Punch-and-Judy man early one morning. They talk. The Punch-and-Judy man offers our hero a chance. | SV'ſ. sº * W --E. º º - ‘Riſ º - % % | en - N- T ~ /- º º ------ … • *-7. Nº|| || - | º S * -" % — — | A ſ 2% MNNNIII || || | T4 \% ºš - > # | j| =\ \, :- % N |M||||Wºmºść &|fi - ¥12 LZZZZZZZ THE INTERVIEW. Our hero, we need scarcely add, accepts the chance, and throws in his little with the lot of his new friends. He is soon initiated into the mysteries of the noble THE PUNCH-AND-JUDY SHOW. entertainment, known as Punch-and-Judy. The audience begin to arrive. First represented by a small boy or two and a curious girl. The spectators soon number THE AUDIENCE IN GOOD HUMOUR. quite six persons in the village, who are all in a state of great delight at the antics of Punch and his friends, until they are unfortunately asked for a Subscription to. BY THE RIVER-SIDE. “Here, James, take these two cakes and give the smaller one to your little brother.” James examines the cakes carefully, appears undecided, and finally takes a he oc bite cut of one of them, which he passes over to his brother with the remark: “There Tommy, I’ve made you a smaller one they were of the same size." # ; - “Say, Sue, see how I sue and sigh And on the lea lay low— For I upon this day do die If you, O Sue, say sol" No tell tale sign does she shy show While he his mad pleas plies— The tear-drops that do downward flow Ooze as ease from his eyes. “Ah, woe upon the way we war— Do you not, Sue, so say?” He lingered on his knee nigh, nor For answer knew no nay. CAUGHT NAPPING!. // º |Y. % º % % º º Z/ - *~ ~~72-y 32 - --> - - ~~~ …” == ~%22%2/2 º-º-º: ~ … 2. --> Z/2,~ º j, 227.1// - NOW FOR A PAIR OF GLOWES 1 POOR PUSS. - /(((º'º || @º f 5:3. #: §§ PRESENT11 FIRE'ſ tº - ** ---- *I wonDER WHY THAT CAT is S6 SAD." There were tragks dant was found in possession of wood wood this fall. The defendant said he wished to be sworn in his own defence, and he began. “He claims dis wood wus tooken away Sunday night. Now, on Sunday maw- min' I war 'tacked by rheumatizan' couldn't step till Monday night. bent back so, an' dis left one war' skewed out --------------- l— - A VERY LjKELY STORY. A coloured man was charged with the lar- ceny of fifty cents’ worth offire-wood from a white man living next door. The prosecu- tion had a circumstantial gase. Some ºne was heard at the wood-pile in the might. - - in the snow leading directly to defendant’s house. The defen. exactly like that missed from the pile, and he admitted that he had not purchased any Dis right leg war' | so, an' my wife had to feed mewid a spoon. – War I in shape to go out an' steal wood P --~ ººz-- *---------------- THE TREASON WITY. Well, long 'bout dark de old woman said dellas' stick of wood war'gone, an’ we went to bed to keep warm. Could I go out when I war' in bed P Sartin I couldn't. When I remembered dat we had no wood fur demex' day, I went to prayin' dat some rich man's heast might be opened to charity. Fust I knowed desticks of wood begun to lit deºdoah, an’s deſold woman scrambled out andºfotched dem in. If any man robbed dat man's wood pile it war an angel who was sent to help me.” “But you forget the tracks in the snow. They were just the size of your boots.” “Well, dat's muffin again me as I see. I spect de angel had to stan' alongside de wood pile to load up.” Two of the jurors seemed to take this view of º case and the result was a disagree- ºnment. SIGHTS AND SCEN - * OF LONDON LIFE. º A G|RTO º DITTY. Tº are the undergraduates The verb abstruse, amo, amas, 1 The prettiest undergraduates That ever you did see. - In Hebrew and in Calculus, And in Hindostanee; The learning is quite fabulous, As well as Botanee. In Latin and Chinee, In every tongue each clever lass Can conjugate freelee. In Optics they are learned as A specialist M.D.; In painting all this skilful class Will take M.A. degree. h | From every State in all the land, - From South Amerikee. From Pºyocatapetl, and From Moscow and Fijee, These pretty modern Eves have come, This class of ’83. To pluck the golden apples from The one forbidden tree. And now the “sweet girl graduates,' Each trying for degree, re going in for Bachelors, At Cambridge, as you see. And if the University, In 1883, Should grant them each a “Bachelor,” M. As they yet may be ; sº ; Z -- .# i i i ºn 2 #i : # # i ; 3. : g : i * 3: f Now that you are being courted, you think of course, that it is all very well, and it will be nicer when you get married. But it won’t. He doesn't know himself, and you don’t know him. Nº. ſ Šl §§ If jši § § l # i. ji | $ººl *i; §§ º j\\ |ſijällſ \\ §|illii j §§§º. º ; unſ - - R | {j - § - }|| || AT A DOG FANCIERS’ SOIREE. When he sees you as many times a day as he wants to, maybe more ; when he sees your head done up regularly every morning in curl papers, and the bloom is all off the rye; when your home contains a good deal of washtub, cradle and cook-stove, he won't stand in front of the house for one hour, out in the cold, watching your light in the window. He'll be thinking rather of # i . i $. - i Titº § §§|| Sºğl +. i getting out of the house. Young woman, protract this courtship as long as you can. Let well enough alone. A courtship in hand is worth two marriages in the bush. Don't marry till Christmas after next. A MISTAKEN DIAGNOSIS. - - "" ; "|f|| "iſ | - - --- ----- == º - - - - - -- - - --- Ti”, ”r tº: QUITE IMPOSSIBLE!! Anaïious Wife. What d'yethink's the matter with him, Doctor " Doctor. Well, you must be careful; he's got water on the chest.” Anwious Wife. “I don't see how that can be ; why, he hasn't drank a drop o' water for ten years at least.” EXPERIENCES OF AN ACROBAT. TRIALS OF A TUMBLER. - IV. defray the expenses of the entertainment, and then their countenances undergo a - marked change for the worse, and a disposition to leave the show, and silently steal THE AUDIENCE ASEED TO PAY!! away is distinctly observable amongst them all. Indeed, when some of the puppets come on people were inclined to go off, on the excuse that they were not life-like, THE PUPPETS. which was absurd. The figures underneath nearly always frightened the children, and when the Ghost appeared, nervous women screamed and wondered what would \\\ } - Niñº i. ū - º - {|\\\|\\ - % º - S. Us º (?,* >º º ^^ 43-28 * *> * Na Zºº SOME OTHER PUPPETS. happen next. In serious neighbourhoods one, at least, of the above figures had to be cut out of the show, and occasionally the Beadle turned round and objected to his counterfeit presentment. TWO TO ONE IN HER-FAWOUR. N - º §§§ º º Fº º - º º º Ş. s | -- -§-º--%Wºº -- --|-! N|-s:º ºN º sº-Š§-w§--{ - º|--- -- i- ºiº- - - º N - ºr nº -- - - || || - |ºw. ºğ - Wºº. º º A YOUNG COUPLE. Irate Father to Daughter, “So I hear you decline to marry Mr. Smith, Julia; and why, pray, Miss !" Julia. “He’s too old, father ; and—” Father. “Too old He's only fifty. What can you want better 7” Julia (demurely). “I’d rather have two of twenty-five in succession, papa, than one of fifty all at once.” ! -- - - It has been observed that the squirrels have stored more nuts than usual this year, which means that they have an idea that it will be a severe and long winter. It may, however, be due to the fact that there was an usually large supply of nuts. Squirrels are just as greedy as other people. The Locomotive publishes engravings in each issue showing how boilers look just after they have exploded. This doesn’t seem to hit the case at all. What is needed is a picture showing how a boiler looks just before it is going to explode. We could then learn when to get out of the way. 2 ſº ſº º % - WFSº/4 i s—Akº- Z F. “Whales are becoming numerous in the ocean.” says an exchange. We like a statement that gives the full facts as that one does. It re- lieves one of the suspicion that whales are becoming numerous on the plains, or that they are infesting the woods or hiding in caves or the mountains. People now know where to be on the lookout for whales. 24 / W 2 º sº - | Fº - ºšć - º - |ºſſ- M | ºil Wºº - - Mrs. Partington returns from the seaside. “Yes I’ve been to a seaside retort. I have had my summer extortion, and I must confess my anticipations surpassed my expectations. To people in indignant circumstances the recommendations might be satisfactory; but it is beyond my reprehension how people of effulgence-people who have lugubrious homes, surmounted by all that embezzles civilized life— can put up in such caverns. They must have invested tastes.” Two Workmen were heard disputing about a new cemetery, near which they were standing. One of them evidently disliking the fashion in which it was laid out, said in disgust, “I'd rather die than be buried in such a place.” “Well,” said the other, “ I’ll be buried mäewhere else if I'm spared.” º *** * - - - - A professor was one day walking near Aberdeen, when he met a well known “natural.” “Pray,” said the professor, “how long can a man live without brains?” “I dinna ken,” said Jeremy, scratching his head “how auld are ye yersel P” A minister was questioning his Sunday school concerning the story of Eutychus the young man who, listening to the preaching of the Apostle Paul, fell asleep, and falling down, was taken up dead. *What,” he said, “do we learn from this solemn event P” when the reply from a little boy came pat and prompt. “Please, sir, ministers should learn not to preach too long sermons.” thirty-nine. -> Mrs. Charles Mathews, mother of the celebrated actor, is said to have been very juvenile-looking till late in life. A friend of the family meeting her son one day, and commenting on the fact, said: “By the way, how old is your mother?” “Well,” answered the inimitable Charles, considering, “I hardly know. She must be forty; I’m ----- -- botru.IIIIIq paqeſoordd gun pub oſdoºd pſdn48 qnoqu Kuw aqq IIb 3ūIȚqūmī£ fæðſſo àqq oqº uMop oĄoup put nq sȚų oņuſ paquiſſo foºt， 8tīſtāſtītā ſīļņš tų įno quoA uutuoſſue3 pĮo oqſ pūW ‘ÂȚInjīļoboldo I qĻĒĢĪppȚĂ ŠšţŤ pț¢š „ſtāſ ‘qO ,, ，ſubūIQI 0!!! MR. BIFFIN’S ADVENTURES. … .----！~~~~. ：-） ſaeĒ№. ŽĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĢĒ， ： ael-，· //¿####ī£§! ſae.±，±EEEBĘ|- He also encounters the Pantomime “Swell,” and fancies he has seen someone like him before. But where i ---------- - ---_ Įo qų3ți știiſ ſixò ºſſ tið tioſſoºſūſ šūţsţi pâștiöſord e qųw ‘quappſſt ·suſ påúðſjšōb ） ſjö-ſt}\,, trīsnoo põūšļūöjšð æqą paſse „a III „ „juſī£I jō þïēļ åp åſſöÁ , , ºqſiðſppȚIŲ （II） pôſºţiţs „“øsnæðag ,, atro $ūțuºqsȚI êtſ pºſſºſið „{{ſ\,, jsođť šť jſºp șë sy oqa ºuſsmoo sąjįA sțq oq qțiðſþpȚIN ’Ā pòſtoqs „ſalooIN THOI, ſo our puțuiaſ nox, << > > C> * S || | CAN The rally begins, and Mr. B. is forced on in the crowd. He is taken for the Swell aforesaid; and is treated to considerable buffeting, but no refreshment. “I FEAR TO FALL.” Jonas thought he would get over and see Mary Anne. He remembered Raleigh and Queen Elizabeth, and wished to climb the wall. That is where Jonas is, and he wishes he wasn’t. Where can Jonas be? * A GOOD QUESS. VERY NEARLY. Uncle, “Why, Tom ' You here? They told me you were in China | " | Tom “Well, they weren’t far wrong. I've been in the Stone Jug tº --------- *** * *- & A terrible bore for Jones, who would go a-hunting in the German Forest. He didn’t ever go again though. | F i - #. | A Scotch boy had deliverd a message to a lady, but did not seem “Do you really believe that an ass ever spoke to Balaam P” in a hurry to go. Being asked if there was anything else that his queried a man who prided himself on his intellect. Coleridge, to mother had bade him say, Jock whimpered out, “She said I wasn’t to whom the question was put, reflected : “My friend, I have no doubt seek onything for comin', but if she gied me’t I was to takit.” We | whatever that the story is true. I have been spoken to in the same need scarcely add that the hint was taken, and Jock's services were way myself.” The man of the inquiring mind retired for medi- amply rewarded. tation. - i ; ; H 3 > !-- É. I- tº: § - ă. r-º- — E. C — Jº É I- -r º IT -: o ă # - T. rº-- rº T É É. -U gº H On the Hon. Harry Erskine receiving his appointment to succeed Painting a window shutter is a good deed in more ways than one. Mr. Dundas as Justiciary in Scotland, he observed that he must go It helps the blind. . order his silk robe. “Never mind,” said Mr. Dundas; “ § the short time you will require it you had better borrow mine.” o,” ºne, 34. A "* ea: - - « replied Erskine; “no matter for how short a time soever I may need - c - what a blessing it. 15, said a hard-working Irishman, that it, Heaven forbid that I begin my career by adopting the abandoned night niver comes on till late in the day, when a man is tired, and habits of my predecessor.” can't work at all at all. - WHEN SEIE WILL SHE WILL, TOO TRUE. Poetical Wife (or Wife ºf Poet), “Good-bye, my own sweet Will; how I do love you !!” Poet, feelingly. “Good-bye, dearest; but ‘Whoever knew a lady good or ill, who did not dearly love her on n sweet will ''” (Exit Poet, poetically.) “THE ENTERPRISING BURG LAR.” A PUBLIC BENEFACTOR. Burglar to Public Guardian. “What am I a-doin' of 1 Well, I'm a Railway Manager, I am, a-tryin' to get a little bit o' common land to work my line upon. So move on, and let me alone, or it'ill be worse for ye, for I b'longs to the “Ouse o Commons, and can do as I likes.” We drink a good deal of coffee. Some of it is atrociously bad coffee, and a great deal of it is not coffee at all. A certain noted man who was very fond of a cup of genuine * coffee, is said to have stopped at a country inn and said to the proprietor: “Have you any chicory P” “Yes, sir.” “Bring it to me.” A can was brought to him. “Is this all you have in the house?” “I have one more can only.” “Well, bring that.” It was brought. “Now,” said the noted man, placing the cans of chicory in his pocket, “go and make me a cup of coffee." ADVENTURES OF AN ACROBAT. T THE TRIALS OF A TUMBLER. - | . Our hero shows that he pºssesses a soul above the common. gentlemen in the profession at the appearance of a pair or soles after ºft|||||º: º *|| iſſWºº Nºij \siſ º - º ºfflºt- \ \| W º º - {{ AT& | \, \, \ \º Surprise of the dinner. The Professors meet at the Fair, and exchange confidences. An engagement is made. - -- -\- - -- , -/JJºv /*- --~~~~~~~~ rºw Niva, The Day after the Fair. The Wardrobe of the Artist. - AN EXCELLENT EXAMPLE. THE CHURCH MILITANT. What it must come to some of these days if the Acts of Parliament and of Christian Apostles are not amicably arranged. - SYMPATH Y. I sauntered out in the balmy air Of a lovely summer's day. My head was high and my step was firm And my heart was light and gay : And I whistled an air and didn't care Whatever might happen to me: When I saw an old man by the ide of the road Who weeping seemed to be. He was sitting and wiping his eyes with his sleeve, And I saw as I drew still nigher That the tears were streaming down his face, And so I made bold to inquire : “What is it, old man, that makes you weep? Say, have you been robbed, or what? Have your children driven you out in the street To go to the poorhouse and rot? “Or have you buried an only child, The prop and the stay of your life, Or is it a dearly beloved friend, Or is it perchance your wife P Still silent Speak and confide in me The reason, my friend, that you cry." The old man said: “Oh you be blowed | I've got some dust in my eye.” SIGHTS AND scenes OF LONDON LIFE. One day last week, as a Griswold Street lawyer had just finished tacking up a sign of “Shut this door?' where he thought it would do the most good, an oldish man, having a sour ex- pression on his face, came upstairs. The instant he saw the sign he said, “All bosh sir—all bosh. I never pay any attention to such signs.” “But other people do,” replied the lawyer, “Let 'em do so, then. I am just eccentric enough to leave your door open when I go out.” And so he did. He walked once or twice around the room, made - a few inquiries, and left the door wide open as he |\\ | walked out. When he had reached the street a | boy overtook him and asked him to return to the room, on important business. He climbed back upstairs, and the lawyer asked him : | ‘‘Did you leave your gold-headed came here?” | “No, sir—here it is," replied the caller, as he held it up. “Ah ! so it is. I was just eccentric enough to think that this stove poker was your gold-headed cane. All right—no harm done —good-bye.” When the stranger went down º he left the prints of his heels on every Step. # ||||||}|{{\{/ ſ l NNſ|\\\\\\\\ dººr | º | |º º | |j º º | | º | | |||ſ. # | --- | - OUTSIDE THE HOUSE. ; attractions he will advertise icicles from three to seven feet long, entirely natural in design, and constructed on purely philosophical principles. There will be a hill and handsleds. There will be a pond so constructed that boys can be drowned through the new ice with meatness and despatch. Skates will be furnished free of charge, and prizes offered for the new beginner who scores twelve bumps the quickest. No charges made for damages to the ice. There will be a supply of hot bricks in every hall for use of guests with cold feet. Jugs of hot water, furnished free on application to the office. Frozen poultry, toast on ice and iced milk will be among the table attractions. Snowballing will be the chief porch amusement, and boys will be on hand to teach left-handed women how to make line shots. The evenings will be passed in debates, spelling-schools, playing checkers, drinking cider and cracking hickory nuts. Charges moderate. A thermometer in every room. Greatest chance offered for lying about the weather. More snow than can be furnished by any rival house. Come and be convinced. IITTLE BINKS THEATRICAL CAREER. | | --* / Q Nº. . He stirs the Manager up a bit— With some effect, - SUTTON-LY NOT. 25 - 2 ght, the young glutton. i that she turned to a sheep, e her V There was a young woman of Sutton, el Who dined every day upon mutton She ate such a heap, And 'twas said, “S Za： źź% ----。 37，77 （ZZZ！！！ Źź #ZZZZZZ ź3222， ±（2− LITTLE BINKS AGAIN. - The Expense for the Ghost appears. | | | | / r: lſº Curious sounds are heard by the | Domestics at night. | “Come, sir, what is the meaning of this nonsense? Go to bed l’” And he goes. OUIE PRI VATE THEATRICALS.—No. 1. Why should a hole be cut in the dining- room floor 7 Venus and Cupid. Something wrong in Hamlet's dress. “Come on. Stage waits.” A PLEASANT MEETING. T º - -------- - - -------------- º lº A LONG BOR.E. Tired Member (rising). “I beg to move that this meeting do now adjourn.” Dull Speaker. “I trust the meeting will do nothing of the kind till I get through my remarks.” Tired ſ/ember. “Well, you have been boring long enough to have got nearly through by this time, Make haste,” |-đ Kotteſ aguaite nou sex trinttrºosol， ai uļºſino�qĄ ĮĮAA 3UOLAA3ūſų lauſos· KeId. Ino UII UIJOJIºd Oļ ºoggo sſq twory qĮ pºļūȚ8UIBH QBų4 II|ſaewdI ĐUÏT;||||||| |||||||||| ||||||| ||||||||• | KeAg qø8 ſoupinoſo e H i qºoqÐ Jood ‘sºſy T_T/· - # - ||||||| e- ###### ZLZºº CZººl - …--~~~~ E i ºstitūts 04 þeſſ JA GOLIO ĮſpūW ŌIII, ©%）ſaeÁ|- §ſae /2 \ſ）*? 3. OUR PRIVATE THEATRICAIS.–No. 2. º Come to the seaside till Monday ! Perambulator of the Period. The Billbrought by William. Effect upon the Lodger. - - - - JERRY. broºght him into the district, The gave one hundred dollars for him in º 49 A. STORY THAT SEEMS TO LACK SOME OF THE INTERNAL EVIDENCES OF TRUTH, BUT, NEVERTHELEss— The Salt Lake Tribune, in a recent issue, says: Jerry made his appearance in Ivanpaugh District, in Arizona, very early in its history. He was a mule. Very pronounced mule. Joe Singleton He said California. He expected to get some work out of Jerry in the mines. He didn't Jerry was the colour of a sunbeam buffalo robe, large and angular, and knock kneed before and behind—very, behind. He had only one ear, the other had probably been cut off by some one in a fit of anger. It was, no doubt, the last mule's ear that the man ever cut off. Jerry was a mule that would resent any - -- demoralizing to the other mules in the team, and he was removed from the society. One evening he and another mule were tied together to keep them from wandering too far, and turned out to browse for the night. The next morning one of them was dead. Jerry wouldn't work at anything. He just wanted to wander around and enjoy himself. It got so he had nearly all his time to himself. He roamed about the camp and vicinity. One day he fell into an abandoned shaft thirty feet deep. No one tried to get him out. It was thought he might end his useless existence in there. He could be seen at the bottom nodding. Finally, after he had been in THE WASHING GIRL. thing of that kind. When he was going to sleep his surviving ear would nod, and nod, and sink lower and lower, until it hung down over his eyes. Jerry was dreaming then of his childhood days. He was an old mule, in meanness. Joe tried Jerry at various kinds of work. Tried him at a whim for raising ore. Jerry didn't work long until he had a misunderstanding with his driver. He kicked the driver and drove him off the hill, Jerry was so certain that no miner would work in the shaft when he was at the whim. To do so would be taking chances with the ore bucket. He was harnessed to a water-cart, but kicked the head out of the water-barrel. Next he was placed in a team. His habits were ------------------------- five days, Tom Kerrigan took pity on him. Tom was kind to animals. He said Jerry was a bad mule, but he ought not to be allowed to starve. Tom rigged ropes, got help and hoisted him out. Then he went up to Jerry, and, patting him affectionately, said: “Had a pooty rough time, didn’t you, old boy ''' - - Tom disappeared in the shaft. Jerry had straightened out one of his hind legs. Tom was taken out very seriously injured. He lingered between life and death for a long time. He had to have one of his legs amputated, and finally got up with a stiff arm. He is making his living as a musician in San Francisco now—a hand- Organ. - JERRY. Jerry did not have a paint-brush tail. His owners had always seemed to like just his natural tail. They loved life. Jerry was getting to be prominent in Ivanpaugh. He was a rising mule. His conduct, however, was beginning to tell on his owner. Joe Singleton had come into camp a steady young man, but he was getting a little reckless and dissi- pated. Trouble on his mind. Joe was getting poorer, and he need- ed his mule's assistance. He tried Jerry once more, drawing in and out of the tunnel. Jerry drew the car out once, in a kicking manner. Just as he returned from the mouth of the tunnel to the face of it, a big blast went off prematurely. Outside parties went into the tunnel, peering anxiously through the smoke to - ridges exploded. His tail made a little tremulous move—that was all. He spit out the shell and took another cartridge. A new man from California came in- to the camp. He recognized Jerry and Joe. He said Joe had not given one hundred dollars for the mule; that Jerry was from San Joaquin Valley, where he had been a prominent leading mule; that there had been mass meetings of the citizens there to determine how to get rid of Jerry. He was thinning out the farming community. That finally the county court of Monroe county gave Joe Singleton, who was passing through the county, ten dollars to take the mule to Arizona. Joe's one hundred dollars story was exploded. He was joked about it, He drank harder. -----rº- * ~~~~ TM AFLOAT, see if the five men working at the face were injured. They were all dead. Jerry, was missing, tunnel. bottom of this hole, unhurt, chewing a piece of fuse. Jerry would eat almost anything. He was partial to pieces of bacon-rind, wagon-covers, and collars. He could make a comfortable meal on axle-grease. At one time he was stealing barley from a sack. giant cartridges mixed in the barley. He picked up one of the cartridges. A number of men were watching him, expecting him to meet a horrible death. They thought it would be a fit ending of The blast had made an || unexpected large hole in the floor of this: When the smoke grew less dense, | Jerry was discovered standing at the There were some || his career. Jerry chewed and the cart- Jerry wandered farther and farther away from the camp. Joe had despaired of him. Other mules would not associate with him. They felt constrained in his presence. He disappeared. One day an Ivanpaugh Indian came into camp. His band made their head- quarters on a little creek twenty miles away. He was in trouble. He wanted to go to Washington to see the Great Father. He said : “Me want talk Great, Father. Melican man mean. Let mule go—mule eat tent. Papoose he hit mule —mule kill papoose—kill squaws. Me big chief—hit mule—mule hit me—he big Chief.” Tt was Jerry. Joe Singleton asylum. died in the insane OUR OWN “ MAVOR.” J_-- + He said, “Bird, will you come and play with me !” But the Bird said, “No I must not be idle.” -- -: sº-> ===-|-- ---- - The Ass is humble, patient, and quiet. CHANGE UPON CHANGE. AN ANCIENT WATERING-PLACE. Off on Monday. “Where's Baby?. Stop!” An American arrived one day at a little hotel in a French provincial town. Tired and dusty with travel, he demanded a room and plenty of water, to wash with. “Water! We have not a drop,” said the landlord. Muttering expressions of dissatisfaction, he reached his room. “Fire, fire, fire.” A dozen servants rushed upstairs and into his room bearing in their hands vessels of all sorts, filled with water with which to extin- guish the flames. “Ah,” said the guest turn- ing composedly upon then, “you may leave me the water! Thank you; that is all.” Two ornaments made of plaster of Paris, flavoured with sugar, were bestowed on a Cornish urchin, with the usual warning, “Don’t eat them, whatever you do | They will poison you.” For some time they were regarded by him and his younger brother with mingled awe and admiration; but at no distant day their mother missed one. “Tom,” said she to the owner, who was just setting forth for school, “what have’ee done with that figure ?” “Giv'd it to Dick,” was the reply, “and if he's living when I come home I mean to eat the other myself.” ºs s - S. * DOGGRET, . - \ N There was an old maid of Trumclog, Who wished she'd been born a big dog. 35 º º Sº - S - - ºf S § §§§ - S. Nº. ºS S \, --- One day she was found turned into a hound, And barking at folks of Drumclog. ------ An old party whose wits were decaying, Such very queer tricks began playing, a . A clown who had two little boys, The whole of his leisure employs, º There was once an absent old gent, Who out for a day's journey went, i That not only his head Took to wandering, 'tis said, But his features and limbs went a-straying. In showing them how To mop and to mow, Which really increases their joys. But the birds came and sat On his shoulders and hat, For he really forgot what he meant. - - SIGHTS AND SCENESIOF LONDON LIFE. A young lady who says she is young and handsome writes: “The man for me to love is vastly my superior, * * * a man who will compel my spirit to bend its knee to his ; who will command my soul to stand still and shine on him, as Joshua commanded the sun; who can trample my will to the dust,” etc. She should have no difficulty in finding such a man— one who will not only command her soul to T º | - stand still, but who will also command its owner to get up first in the morning to build the fires, split kiddlings, and carry up the coal, and whose language will make her hair stand on end when he comes home and finds dinner fifteen minutes late. There are lots of men who will bend her spirit for her, and also make her back bend over the wash-tub, while they go down to the saloon and discuss the best method of saving the country from the hands of its political enemies. rt: ; E *, *, rº o 9 + <-- ºld co ºn - § 53 # 5 3 °-5 § 3 ; E *, *d o ż. 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Q) = 5 § 3 3: 5 & ... 3 P = + 5: ~.23° 3 & 9.3 F = 5 § 3.5 tº 3 g 3 + $, 3.5 573 B. 3 3: spº = E --~- Jºãºgº *::::::#### > < *lº ##e3 - - --> - --> - - -- - - qd #####3 == - - - | g 5.3 -5,373 B, 3 A GLIMPSE AT FARRINgdon MARKET o o F ºn A citizen of Antoine Street invented a rope- ladder fire escape last summer, and for weeks past he has been trying to give an exhibition before the Fire Commissioners. They didn't appreciate his invention to any great extent, but the Fire Marshal said he was willing to see "- – --~~ its operations, and he set yesterday as the day. The inventor was on hand with his appliance, and after some delay he attached it to a second story window at the back end of a store on Jefferson Avenue, near Griswold, Street. What he depended on was the patent claw by which the ladder could be secured to the carpet, bed- stead, or window sill. He had scarcely crawled out of the window and begun his descent when this claw gave way, and let him tumble into the alley Fortunately for him he struck on an empty barreland was not much injured. “I can't see where your appliance is an improvement,” said the Marshal, as he helped pick the man up. “You can't, eh?” howled the inventor, as he picked the splinters out of his hair; “ well I can. That's the fifth time I’ve had a fall with this 'ere invention, and this was the easiest of all ! I'm going to patent the idea of keeping an empty barrel under every window where this is put in " GAUGHT NAP-PING. At the Morgue:–“My mother-in-law,” says a visitor to the offiicial in charge, “disappeared three days ago, and has not been heard of since, I had hoped she might be here.” “Describe her, if you please, so that, if necessary, she can be identified.” “She stutters awfully—you'd recognize her easily by that.” of a younglad who disobeyed his mother by running off to a cricket match; a storm came up and the wicked little boy was struck by º That boy should have gone around with a lightning rod attach- ment. Spare the rod and spoil the child is the moral of this a necdote. A story in one of the juvenile papers tells Two countrymen are breakfasting at a restaurant in the Palais-Royal, at noon, when suddenly the famous cannon of the Palais goes off with its customary bang. First Countryman—“Hallo! waiter, what’s that, eh?” Waiter—“Cannon, sir, out in the garden, which the sun sets off every day at noon, sir.” Second Cowntryman (severely)— “Come, sir, come; none of that How łe, the sun know it is noon, eh? We may be simple, but we are not so simple as all that.” 33'5 Tºrº §§ cº 3"> gº- #3 à & E Pºst- :- C # o §.S. F. tº 9 tº F. §§ 8° 5 & 5 ... § BFI :a. 3.g. Q) - ă ă ă º:# * g. 3 ºf # ºp? §§ ### Tºo § 3. # 3. i.Hi. : 5 g; 85 tº bol Ps $2 F- § Ed. ‘5 ºf .#3 H. :- #. E. : :" co ‘3 is 5 ### ; § - 3, #. 3 * : #3, # * = < -- # - # = É goº *: P- a rig" --> *- : --> § Élf #53 - *.E. : ### §5. --> ºf H- .5 352. H -Dº" º --> º tº Firº § # § Pop. c. *H ta P - º:#F 805 as - 3. #5 F*a- § y i 'E at 53 § 5% 3 * > * 3rts F. B. F. Pº §§H c) Tº 5 º' E. :: ###: §§. º- : d E à - #Tº -- rººf. P-R, §§§ - to −ſ: £ 2:3: RNRS 7. | | | ###. 3: 5 A TITTLE GAME, 5, ºf E. § 23; - - - ă B: # # = Sharper. “ Must you go? Well, I suppose you’ll let us see || ||3: #: 9. you at the station coming back to give us our revenge 7” # - -- - -- ++ cºd- Sharpest (a Detective). “Yes; at the Police Station, now I know you all. Good-day.” “Oh, dear, I wish I was an angel!" exclaimed little Tootsy. “Why?” asked his mother. “‘Cause then I could fly up and pull the tail off that Jack Hasser's kite, and get square with him for cutting the tail off my dog.” It was a desperate punster who remarked that the little baby Princess in Spain was a small thing Theresa row about. EXPERIENCES OF AN ACRO.B.A.T. THE TRIALS OF A TUMBLER. FIRST PRACTICE. Which is out of all proportion to the results eventually obtained. This is the It is not a very remunerative one. exercise called the Risley business. § i. = SECOND PRACTICE. The rope is also taut. Walking upon the tight-rope is taught in this manner. You must keep a good balance, if not you may be soon “broke,” but if once “well off" it will be difficult to get on. THIRD PRACTICE. This is the way to learn to break bones on the common. The Tumblers' Fete. It can only be practised in warm weather, as the exercise is essentially a summer-sault. TEA HVE LI, Uil A" D. THE DOLLS' TEA PARTY. -- A REJECTED MISS. Underneath the oaken table, with its legs of ebon hue, In between the gaudy slippers of the editor so new, Sat the dainty wicker basket, with bright thoughts so oft replete, Poems, stories, tales of travel, and the gush of maidens sweet. All without was cold and dreary, storm clouds lingered in the sky, As a rosy-cheeked young maiden mounted up the stairs so high, Bound to have her poem printed or find out the reason why. “I was raised,” she said, “near Lacon, and a poem here I sent, Full many a weary month ago, entitled “Cecil Brent." It was of a lovely heiress, tall and stately, proud and cold, With a wealth of wavy tresses like a stream of molten gold. “Mamma said “twas just too sweet for any earthly bit of use, And that I could make a lot of money writ- ing if I’d choose. So I sent it to your office on the eighteenth day of May, Telling you to please remit a check for fifty in part pay.” Blandly smiled the man who edits as the basket out he kicked, Saying, “Plunge your arm in there, my lass, and freely take your pick; With º ordinary poets I am mild, for pity's Sake, But for adamantine nerve and cheek you fairly take the cake.” Down the long and lonely stairway went the maiden's little feet, While the briny tears welled up into her little eyes so sweet. In his room the brawny editor a fresh cigar did light, Nor wist he of the saddened heart his words had made that night. SOME HANDY FEATS. THE TRIALS OF A TUMBLER. The Trapeze Trick over fixed bayonets. A very pointed joke. The Stone-Breaking Trick. Sometimes a heart-breaking experiment. SOME MORE HANDY FEATS. | -- W \ _\\\\\ \\ \\ - sº \\\\\\ | W WNW) wº | i | A LTTTTE DIVERS-ION. | | | | - ill | º l THEN AND NOW. THE PARSON AND THE CLERK. The Parson. |§` §Ñ` ```` № NSSS， sae §§ -RŌ. <№ №SRÈ№ ►► SSSRS ，-… "… . §:<№w！ · ±，±，±，±，±，± N，Ņ The Clerk. CHESS SO. Ź： %%%%%%%%2，2% ： ---- （） … … %%%%%%%%% %%ſºſ， –– CHESS ITTUSTRATED.—A NIGHT'S PAWN. ！ T-7 THEN AND NOW. --- ſaevſ VA) &È· ： № ！！！！-- The Fortune-teller and the Seer. zº ſae ，ſ. ģĂ%[1] The Miller and his Ancestor. AN ALTERED MAN. A man went to market to get a fish for dinner. The price was high, and the fish did not look as if it was quite fresh, and he so told the fish-dealer; whereupon that worthy pulled open the fish's gills to show that they were red, which is regarded as an unfailing test of freshness. “I see they are red, but a fish that had been dead a week would blush to hear the price you ask for it.” A clergyman who said in one of his dis- courses that every blade of grass was a sermon, was next day amusing himself by clipping his lawn, when a parishioner said: “That's right, doctor. Cut your sermons short.” i - s s * i ; § ; It is claimed that a man never loses any- thing by politeness, but this has proved a mistake. As an old Philadelphian lifted his hat to a young lady the wind carried away his wig. Friend (to scientific awthority): “Doctor, how is a man to tell a mushroom from a toadstool P Scientific Authority : By eat- ing it. If you live, it is a mushroom; if you die, it is a toadstool.” SILLY SPOONS N § N º N N N N N N LOVE-MAKING EN ROUTE AND A LA MODE. Tourist in love to Fair but Obdurate Companion. “I think a storm is coming up ; I hear thunder.” Obdurate Fair Companion. “Oh I do come away. I am so afraid of lightning.” Tourist, sighing, “No wonder 1 since I fear your heart is of steel !” Fair Companion, shyly. “Ah! but suppose you possessed it ! what then 7" Tourist, joyfully. “Then I should become a conductor. May I be your's on Life's Journey, dear?” Companion, faintly, “But then I shall be like our present party, personally conducted 1 ° - Tourist. “Yes, dearest, but never my Cook 1" (Tableau.) - DESERVES A WIGGING ! TRIFILES LIGHT AS HAIR. Horror and astonishment at the appearance of the fascinating Signor Muffatini - when a lock of his hair is demanded by an affectionate pupil. A West End plumber is in despair. He has had a boy under his tuition for six months, and yet the lad on being called upon to go and fix a leak in a pipe, took his soldering iron and finished the job in twenty minutes, instead of first going down to examine the leak, then going back to the shop after his tools, taking them to the house, returning to the shop for a piece of pipe, going off with a man who was waiting for him to see another job, then getting dinner, while the folks in the house were kept in a state, of confusion, and finally going down and fixing the leak, so it would break out again next day. He says the boy will never, never learn the business. i 1 KILIȚeļ190 i qO , III ºtſ! qsȚsse ºw q, TIOMA 'XIow ou pūgtīgo puſe ºffuſA. Ieņs qsotuſe AOUI QIB ‘qsa I aq qoqs pub ºſno sproſpueſ KūcūI os tiº apıp 3ūȚAæų ‘oqw squestºd qsȚII Iood aqq KĻĻI * KTTH WHO HOJI SLOĢIf{InS (TOOÐ PITY THE POOR IRISH / --~~ - ^{\ſ. - ºl … ſº 2-º-º: - º | + g| * NO CALL TO BOW.” ± ---- §§ №sºs（~~~~==S== -------…………………………，~~~ ！tae~~~~…，~ Maeſ-ae， №. wae====- S WAIM.S. c. “You ‘ince, leads her on). “ HONOUR TO, WHOM HONOUR.” the call is meant for me !” > Haughty Actress to successful young ditto (who, as P. child needn't bow, L– There is a cat in Litchfield, Conn., that eats an ear of raw corn daily. Some persons think this is a sure sign that the most expensive winter bonnets will cost about three dollars apiece. - - An elderly resident of Newton was ap- proached by an agent for a cyclopædia. “I guess I wont get one,” said the elderly resident, and frankly added—“I know I never could learn to ride one of the pesky things.” SIGHTS AND SCENES OF LONDON LIFE. - - - + You may set it down as a settled fact that the boy who doesn’t feel like breaking the last ane of glass left in the windows of an old ouse will grow up to be milk-and-water Imall. A young lady with a taste for fancy needle- work says she does not see why Gen. Roberts should be so highly praised for defeating Ayoob Khan and his forces. “Afghans are generally worsted,” she remarks. É sh Jo steals all the materials and ma y “Well First Homest Dealer 1Dul kes up the g “Ah, but ye see I gets the articles stolen ready made.” Second Honest Dealer TRUTITFUL JOHNNY. - | 1 || || || || || || A CAPITAL REASON. Mother, suspiciously. “Why, Johnny 1 where did you get that little boat?” Johnny, candidly. “I took it from the counter while the man was away !" Mother. “You naughty boy, go and pay for it at once, Don't you know it is Wrong to take what is not yours?” Johnny, ashamed, “Yes, Mother, but——” Mother, severely. “Why did you take it then?” Johnny, ingenuously. “Because I couldn't reach the big ones!” Fº º 3.-f E = H' QD . cº B: ś s: .S. . Sº Sº Sº & S. § s. S is sº S- is .3 ‘ss § 5. -S S. LIKE CURES LIKE. A DUBIOUS COMPLIMENT. Jones (who has a tiff with his Wife). “Well, my dear, say no more; I'll go out and buy you that ugly pet pug you asked for, there !” Mrs. Jones half-pacified, “Oh I thanks, dear Alfred, it is so like you!” [Alfred departs.] * QUITE GOOD ENO UGH - A well-known and estimable person who carries on a mortuary business, was aroused from his sleep by a violent ringing of the bell, about three hours before sunrise. Somebody with a German accent asked him if he were indeed Mr. John Smith. He said he was. “You are de undertaker f". “I am the un- dertaker, sir,” said Mr. John Smith, full of sad joy at the prospect of an impending funeral. . “Den,” cried the unseen German, “I unt - mein friend vill drouble you for two biers.” A poet asks, in thirty two lines, “What Do the Trees Say?” If he were to recite his poetry under several trees we don’t believe they would say anything. They would leave. Rºssºs i i i i ton, turning about, “how do youthinkitfits;” "...Well, I have done one good deed to. day." said, Billington, “What's that Fº asked his friend. “I have given a poor fleserving man an overcoat,” replied Billing. We never yet came across a genuine Egyptian mummy that appeared in any way to be in a hurry, yet they are invariably pressed for time. Christmas trees are looking spruce. Children pine for them.—Yew should be ash-amed of such elder-ly-j-oaks. Fred and Tom were amusing themselves pasting pictures; when dinner was ready Tom wouldn’t go. Fred went, and on his return said he had eaten all the pie. “I don’t care,” said Tom, “if you had pie I had paste.” - - - AN AGREEABLE MATCH. |##| || #| || |}}}| | | iiili º | # º | | |||| # º |ft||| #| | THE WANING MOON. Bride of a neek, wearily after discussion. “Very well, then ; don't you think this honeymoon has lasted long enough ' I'm very tired of it. Let us go home.” Bridegroom (rudely). “So am I. Let's change it. But we haven't a house to go to. You preferred to take a suite, you know, and now you must take the consequences.” Bride (bitterly), “Yes; I know I chose a ‘flat,' dear! I'm sorry for it now.” The Boston Post offers the freedom of the eity to Sarah, and adds: “Nous devions have done it yesterday, mais pardong, Mademoiselle, parce que c'est aujourd’hui Seulement, que le Post has learned le langue Francais. Mais ca, fay rien, Vous eight tres welcome just the same. Allez, done, ou vous woulez et acceptez l'assurance de notre consideration distinguee.” To this Sarah has replied in the sweetest possible styles: A BAD ExAMPLE / “Thanks, sare, I myself raproache ver" mooch. I not ze Anglise slang understand pas, mais you are one younk man very charming." An American newspaper writer wonders why there are so few interviewers in English journals. If he were to see the heavy-soled boots worn by the prominent people of Eng- land, he would seek no farther for an explanation. FAIR PLAY'S A JEWEL, Peggy (apropos of Goliath). “How did he kill him, Alice 7” Alice. “With a pebble. He flung it at him from a sling, and the great big man dropped down dead l’” Peggy (who had lively recollections). “And did his mother whip him when he got home for throwing stones? My ma' would.” CAUGHT OUT. “TAKEN AT THE FLOOD.” Young Artist (to Farmer's Daughter, with nºom he has been flirting desperately during - his stay). “So, Mary, I hear you are engaged to be married. Why didn't you tell me !” Mary (modestly). “You didn't ask me, sir; besides—” Artist (warmly). “But surely you saw I loved you, and you might have told me, Why can't ye marry me, you know I’m dying for you ?” 2. Mary, “Well, sir, I can save your life, for I'm not engaged at all !” (Artist is caught.) - - A CHOICE FOR of TLDREN. s º s| § º § - j | \!/ §º lºº ſº º/ Nº. ºr. - sº #!/ %. º - §§ Siſº º "º/ º º, º,| - . | º A SETTLEMENT. Ellie, “Mother, dear, shall we ever have a new baby to play with ?” Mother, “Some day, perhaps, dear. Which would you like best, a boy or a girl baby ?” Tommy (on stick), “I know ! I'd rather have a little donkey, if it's all the same to you ! ” 1. The 3. The team did not go over the 2. They were not shot. SELF-CONDEMNED. 4. Shafer did not break his neck. 5. No such accident occurred at Allaire The Hightstown Gazette is authorized to correct the report that George Shafer drove or elsewhere in the vicinity. 6. No such man is known in the country. off an embankment and broke his neck, “in the following unimportant details." horse was not seriously injured. embankment. - - - - - - Ř ||||||||||\\\\ 1111111 | 1111111|| (S（= № Ø % ·// *：\\//\\? ---- the mornin', and all IIl --- , itsh four o'clock - “Why, man A RETORT, 'spectable men should have been in bed long ago!” Early Piscator (confidentially). “Is that why you have been sitting up till now ! I suppose you're an Obstructionist 7° Late Diner-out to Stranger. POLITENESS A VIRTUE. A Bridgeport carpenter while in a fit of anger threw a hammer at a fellow workman and swallowed a screw he had in his mouth. It was an unfortunate affair, but it was better than throwing the screw and swal- lowing the hammer. Ex-screwciating ! Tool-ate | Tool-ate | Mr. Viennet, the dramatist, read a play before the manager of a Paris theatre. It was refused. “You are incapable of judg- ing my work," cried the exasperated author. “Why so P” asked the manager. “Because you were sleeping all the time.” “My dear sir," replied the manager, “in literature sleep is an opinion.” Elder Girl (relating the death of John the Baptist). Then she “Iisten, Anne. said, ‘Bring me the head of John the Baptist in a charger, she says.” Anne (n:ho has been taught manners). * Please, Uncle Herod ' ' " “Oh I the rude thing ! Didn't she say It is said that it would take seventy-two miles of oxen ten abreast, 120 miles of sheep, seven miles of calves, nine miles of pigs, twenty miles of hares and rabbits, a pyramid of loaves, with a square base of 600 feet to the side and five times as high as St. Paul's to feed the people of London for one year. We have figured this thing out, and find that the statistical idiot is short one loaf, half a pig, two sheep and a hare. But statisticians cannot be always correct. - ANT-I.QUATED JUSTICE. ºoņogſå ſpørſ, quºqsystſoo awoq puſe mougºurap Iſaq, sſ-qolº woH ， '80smuo snoſãȚIºſī Jaī£10 pub øo ſoaţa Iog spinoo aqq joao pºpţsºud olſa ‘s-ſoqooq aqq Jo suoqueño Id ut! Anſſpºļūt otſ! Jo quaequod ſout， " NGHICI HOI )£§!،· [\w\\\T_ =~\\ }€ ， ！S ）~~ |-№S)}} ·ſÈ|-·_ſae WĪŅU\· |§§№.2， ŽĀŅŠ „ģ \ -----_=—~S=---- _____）~~）==-） ， ---- º - - N N ±，±777， ·-§§·== T ·~~ ~~E：：：：： |--- -…）;：|- … -Ź№ 3źž№№ſ\\（§§@%////- § | N § N - #!/ ſ/ *N N § º |-|£2，{±-Ē№Ē№ſºſ… |i 1 :|--№s----SS：---- | |-|#· №± ----%%%|－%== |-|- |－%%Eº-№%%%%%%=== № §@₪{{#l （№ĒĒĶ%|-%} ！=īĒĒĶſ?|- ¿i{\\{\\\{\\||\|\!|\|\|\ №%%%% = № ~Ř\!!!!!!! ****#Tºsºſ};----§§-----+]ſ/%（=\M}）;§||||}}% ||--№.#ĽRae'ſ.%|NAZ№litiae \\\\\'' ''- - -§§§§)，///)，\\ |×…|\！\，§N ſſſ| 1|- IIIliſitºV | ------ |||||| | § Tūſī) - ŅĶĪ}}\， º sº § - “MAN PROPOSES.” =-º-º-º-TFE Fºr-r-r-ţ-º-ri-º-H+- RNYWNNRTIIUMWºłłłHHºFEºffſ ºl i-ri. f*@ FENCING A MATCH. Burom Widon. “There is a beautiful pear, Mr. Turner. It is a Marie Louise—a namesake of mine.” Fond Widower. “Ah ! I think I prefer the namesake l’” Widon, “Indeed Then you may lose your pear, you know !” Widower. “Oh, no, I shall still have la belle Marie Louise ''' Widow. “And you think we shall make a good pair 7” Widower. “Yes. May I claim possession ?” Widor. “You may l’” (He does). SIGHTS AND SCENES OF LONDON LIFE. OH, slumber, my darling, In ignorance blest ; No thought of the market Deprives thee of rest; Though e'er so hard loans In the city may be, They give no concern, My young shaver, to thee, Thou dread'st not to think Of the firms that may smash; Thou feel'st not the lowness Of credit or cash; Thou heed'st not the tightness Of money a jot; It pinches thee happy Young gentleman, not. | THE BROKER to His BABY. To put on The banks me Thou wilt, no! Nor even loºk blue; What mattert Little fellº mine, If discount's aſ three- And a-half ºf nine? determine Unconscious art thou SGreW ; Of such things as bad debts, frightened, With little to hope In the shape of assets. lee, Thou art not disheartened, Thou art not dismayed, To think of the bill That's so soon to be paid. Then slumber, my gentleman, Rest while you may, You will surely know all About these things some day; Sleep on, undisturbed By the world's busy hum, For like a young bear All your trouble's to come. I f i | A boy about fourteen years of age was smoking a cigar on the south portico of the City Hall the other morning when a citizen halted before him and said: “Boy, do you realize what you are doing P’’ ‘‘Smokin' a powerful good five-center, won on a bet,” was the “reply. “But don't you know that you are filling, your system with poison P” “Naw.” “Well, you are. That cigar contains enough nicotine to kill a cat.” “I’m no cat." “I know. It does not kill you suddenly, but poisons the blood and sows the seed of fell disease. You may drop dead on your way home.” “I ain't goin' home.” “It fills me with horror to see a lad of your age destroying both soul and body. SATURDAY NIGHT ... a d - a - º; # ### CE H & # * * ra ºn 3 g- F. : --> C §: cºr- r- GD = S$ Tº . ~ cº liº tº to cº º §§ E++. .3 B: : E # #3 = 8. E3 .% ºf 3.3 Inhº - c +- 3 * = F. | § Tºg 5 #- º --- --> - - |# § 3 ; # 2. | º F. : , ; # 3' 39- | § # a 3: I gº º |||}} o' | F. R |; ~. .: + |j F = | HF 3rº | | | ‘E | 27 g . .3 | n 3 = I ſa 575: | | cº P+ f .# E £& # º, c. cº o g; a > * > c - Clo - + º-, " : º, un C r- GD → co r: c - § 3 º 3', 2- .. 3 * : 3 #. ºr - >> - • C) *# = 3 P. E.g. #: * . 5 E : :- 80 tº $2 - 3 -º = 3 3 # 5 # # = rs -- C. rº ce, G = F =, E.TS +5 i 'E *- # -- : .# -- i | Boy, I entreat you to throw away that vile cigar.” “I dasn't. ... Someone else would pick it up and be pizened." “Throw it away and I'll buy you three apples,” “Don't like 'em.” “Or a quart of peanuts.” “Say," said the boy as he fondly regarded the inch of ashes at the end of the cigar, “I bet a boy the cigars this morning that he couldn't tech his tongue to a lamp-post and : º # : then sing ‘Sally Waters.' He teched, and there’s a crowd up there now tryin' to thaw him loose. I ain't very scart about bein’ pizened, and I don't keer much for fatherly advice, but if you've got any spare time you might go up there and tell that 'ere boy that a chunk of matural philosophy is worth a hull barnful of experiments." THE TRIALS OF A TUMBLER. | | | | \\\ | TAPLEY THE SECOND. ~~~~ È.} \$} \\ §§ R R \ ！ \!№ſºs $ Well, it's a case of mend I the name, arter all !” ſ. |： dj E ---- TË E ·Þae to 92 ） ſ.%Źź5 £ ſſſZ- %È #ffffffffff;§ ſºſ，---- %TE （-7.∞ E cr: Æ %%·%# UD. %%%%%%~ ſ. S § w º SS ºs §§ § - ， º | º º - Sºº S- §§ §§ Jocular Beggar. § §§ - sº- § N SS N N \\ º § Sº vº º *N can't with this fork, so there must be someth A DISTINCTION, RT THE LONDON COU AND A DIFFERENCE. º º // º ſ/ {} % % % / A BARE-FACED TRICK. 22---- źź ----£ ZºZ-± ---- ſ.º.ź Źź It was too bed to take old Mr. Barnes out bear-hunting, and make him believe he could kill a bear in the plantation near Baden. (The bear was stuffed.) TWO BEAUS TO AN APRON-STRING. º • EË##ſāķ-;|- '.||.||7. ĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒĒ.º\！\,ÀC） ~) · S-!/ |-*/· ∞· |- T |-|- ·… |· // ·ſae ſae ºº.（ ：|-：，: -！§ --F）：S -·|- Ē§%ź//||- tae- --------ſae/|-.…. =~SS，}，#% =！--.|-ſº}/V########% S | /ae/ Rºss - s ſi， （77）- 777，·。。 …|- ·- HIS FIRST EXPERIENCE, The Knight of the Roller discovers the perfidy of his Lady Love. Vengeance on the Turk I TAKE NOTICE. N \ \ N S sis \\ ~s Es |\\\\\ S -s N § S- - |SNN S - §§ S --> - §§ - §§l || N = =j. §§§ N - ==S - §§ NS §§ ſº \ § {l A CAUTION. When you go to America, don't take a room over a gentleman addicted to loose pistol practice. Birthday festivities are over. Casualties in our family—one doll's leg amputated, left eye completely lost to sight, to memory dear; four animals deserted from Noah's ark, three broken limbs, Noah's head entirely broken ; four cups and saucers cracked, maimed or broken ; two pictures cut bodily from “Aunt Jemima's Story Book;" handle broken from doll's carriage. Proprietor of the above got a small solitaire ball half way up her nose and mistook a vial of mixed candies (homoeopathic) for the real thing. Doctor-curtain. THE MEETING PLACE. --- wº- [. N-º-º-º: º - a . - = 2 % #4. - - ºl i)º, - | ºff | | | ºft ſh A CAT'S TALE. Țſºs moÁ đføų sſaw IV Țeroſ， --★đđgų pug pagsges ºſ 480 ºt{L ‘ºnțIĻA JO pIgA2.I aqĻ TTTTTTT ---- ---- 'suſettºr ºnſ XIII IN QUAL ‘Io II04 uſ spī£đap p ſqq. øqą ptre ºtroſs.gºoo aqq 04 808ſIqgO eq）; "{{{TWI, TWAIOJNI W TeĂȚII e Iſaqq ſquaņeď sȚBA 180 aqĽ ººrſeOI ĐI! LIIOIŲ atuoq u Inqºlī ſānſ XIIIIŲ aq puſē pīļūO eqĽ ſae enº vniHo =H1 any ºdniho ahı ſıvo ahı - - - There were lately two old maiden Aunts, Who lived in the county of Hants, A party who loved the trapeze, Call'd his friends all together to gaze, A person who dwelt on the tiles, Indulged in perpetual smiles, º - nº º % --- 2% Ž tº % § : But a lion, you see, Dropping in at their tea, Their courage remarkably daunts. - And said, “Now here goes, I will hang by my nose.” Which struck them all dumb with amaze. Till folks said, “Goin, And shut up that grin, Your unvarying merriment riles.” * A WARNING. - *- ~ SELF-T). ENIAT, “Give ye a drop not me ! though I don't want it. When I was your age I was just like you, and I drank spirits. up a fat old noman like me.” Look at me now, and take warnin', or you'll grow (Boy is impressed.) - Two gentlemen, friends of Miss Leah, Who came from some place in Judea, A Soldier, whose pigtail was long, And, also, remarkably strong, This is one of the Lifeguards' recruits, Who wore one of the new full dress suits, - - º 7 º’ */ *H %. º § º º | ". - º Tried to settle their wrongs With iron and tongs, Which was conduct remarkable que-ah Once happened to find A boy hanging behind, Swung him right off his legs, which was wrong. Dut the day was so hot - And so melted he got, . That he ran down right into his boots. . - A WARNING TO BACHELORS. TAKE the warning of a bard : Be alert and on your guard, When a maiden plies her coquetry, and fascinating wile; Do not mind her cunning ways, Nor her captivating gaze, to beguile; - .*.*.*.* There is danger in her weeping and her.” smile. If she trifles when you woo her, And with honest heart pursue her, Take my word, as true as preaching, she's a • saucy little flirt; For a flirt is unrelenting when she sets out -- | RHYMES ABOUT A FLIRT. By and by you learn, forsooth, She attended Mr. Booth, When he smothered Desdemona, with a pillow on her bed— She was taken by your rival, Mr. Fred, As the months away are fleeting You attend her still to meeting, But she goes to all the circuses with Tom affa Dick and Harry: She's the nicest little maid For ice cream and lemonade, But will laugh and shirk the question, when you pop it, for to marry, tarry. As she tells you, with a hug, that you must She is full of sly caprices, That she mingles with her kisses, And her tongue’s a little stinger that inflicts a deadly hurt, Oh, a stinger has your saucy little flirt Though her glances seem caresses Of a soul that love confesses, She will cut you dead the next day when you meet her in the street ; And the next again look shyly, With an innocence so wily, You will wonder at your heartlessness to think she was a cheat, Oh, a killing all to pieces little cheat You invite the little vixen To a lecture by Miss Dickson; But she tells you of a lorrible neuralgia in the head; She has been your dearest idol, Held you tight within her bridle, All the while she looked around for some one better than yourself; If the bond you try to sever, She but laughs at your endeavour, While the question that concerns her is- How are you off for pelf? Oh, the horrid little mercenary elf! Therefore mind the honest bard— Be alert and on your guard When the maiden plies her coquetry and fascinating wile; Do not heed her cunning ways, Nor her captivating gaze, For a flirt is unrrelenting when she sets out to beguile; [smile. There is danger in her weeping and her A model, exceedingly kind, To sit any longer declined, Used his nose when he made salutation, There was an incompetent mason, Who instead of a cap wore a bason, But the painter then said, “I must have your head.” She replied, “Then, I’ll leave it behind.” A man of queer facial formation, In fact ’twas with that He took off his hat, And created an awful sensation. Some bricks falling down On the top of his crown, A catastrophe tended to hasten. (g taſms ſival/10, 2/1 uo staffuesswd 2/4 ſow 1144. Ang) 'SºHOI&I?IWM NOCIGHT3INIAA s : "TWNº) IS AIOIL (170 V In Picture Wrapper, ONE ####EING each, waRD, LOCK, & Co.'s ; UMOROUS BOOK S. * - * **** - . ~ * *** “” han: “ . * §s. - 2 < dº. # ºwfiose writings will be found included in were is but little call to laud the men who have written the books catalogued below. done good work—work that needs no bush; and flankind is under obligations to :rge sum-total of enjoymentº. It will bgº long-dāy before we, in England, forget * Thomas Hood and Douglas Jerroldºñd from America we hail, as exponents . ad special humour, Artemus War W, anºua: , Mark Twain, and John Habbertön, allº º, Lowell, Bret Harte, Charles Dudley. the following list—a various and entertaining company of genial jesters and merry penmen. 2. Artemus Ward : His Book, 3. Riddles. Illustrated. 4. Burlesques. Illustrated. 5. Charades. Illustrated. 6. Biglow Papers. By J. R. Lowell. 7. Saxe's 1Poems. 8. Joe Miller's Jest Book. 9. Connubial Bliss. By Doughty. 16. Pusley; or, My Summer in a Gar- - den. By Chas. Dudley Warner. 17. Back-Log Studies. C. D. Warner, 18, Sandy Bar. By Bret Harte. 19. Roaring Camp. By Bret Harte, 20, Heathen Chinee. By Bret Harte. ... , ; 21. Wit & Humour. Thomas Hood, | : ; 22. Whims. By Thomas Hood. º º: ... 23. Oddities. By Thomas Hood. | * * 24, Innocents Abroad, Mark Twain, &A. 25. The New Hº’Arim's Progress. By Mark Twaii. Jokes and Wit. Douglas Jerrold. ºping Frog. By Mark Twain, §et 3rs to Punch. Artemus Ward. demus Ward among the *: ſ , . . .' ' P’Mormons. . ... . ; 32. Naughty Jemima, Illustrated. #3. Eye Openers. By Mark Twain, * * ºf §ractical Jokes. By Mark Twain. *35. Screamers. By Mark Twain. * ... 36. Awful Crammers. Titus A. Brick, “*.37. Babies and Ladders, by Emanuel - ińſk, and Artemus Ward among the Fenians. 38, Holmes' Wit and Humour. 39. Josh Billings : His sayings. 40. Ilanbüry Newsman. J. M. Bailey. 41. Mystery of Mr. E. Drood. By ... Orpheus C. Kerr. 42. Shaving Them. Titus A. Brick. 43. Mr. Brown on the Goings-on sº of Mrs. Brown. 44. Sensation Novels. 45. Little Breeches. Bret Harte, H > 46. 48. 49. 50, 51. 52. 53. 54. 55. 56. 57. 58. 59. 60. 61. 62. 63. 64. 73. 74. *Mr. Sprouts: His Opinions. Ramsbottom Papers. T. Hook, Major Jack Downing. The Pagan Child, and other Sketches. By Bret Harte. Helen's Babies. John Habberton. The Barton Experiment. Author of “ Helen's Babies.” The Mississippi Pilot. By Mark Twain. Jericho Road. Author of “Helen's Babies.” Some Other Babies, very like Helen's, only more so. Story of a Honeymoon. ROSS. That Dreadful Boy, Trotty By E. Stuart Phelps. Hans Breitmann's Ballads. By J. G. Leland. S e- Other People's Children. quel to, and by the Author of “ Helen's Babies.” Illustrated. Cent, per Cent. By Blanchard Jer- old. That Husband of Mine. Two Men of Sandy Bar. Bret Harte. w Grown up Babies. Illustrated. By the Author of “Helen's Babies.” Other People. , Illustrated. By the Author of “ Helen's Babies.” . Holks in Danbury. J. M. Bailey. . My Wife's Relations. H. Frith. . My Mother-in-Law. . Babbleton's Baby. . Scripture Club of Valley Rest. Author of “ Helen's Dabies.” That Girl of Mine. . Bessie's Six Lovers. Mark Twain's Nightmare. With Tales, Sketches and Poetry by Mark º: and other popular writers. Illus- trated. Bret Harte's Hoodlum Band. and other Stories. Bret Harte's Deadwood Mystery. With Tales, &c., by Bret Harte and other popular writers. Illus- trated. LONDON : WARD, LOCK, & CO., WARWICK HousF, SALISBURY SQUARE, E.C. AEA/CTA AA’//EA’.S. A.O.R Z.A.E PEOPLE. VVARD AND LOCPºS L O N G L | F E S E R E. S. Accurately Written and Carefully Edited by Distinguished Members of ** Medieai Profession. Feap, 8vo, cloth, is, - - The object of WARD AND Lock’s “LoNG LIFE SERIES" is to diffuse as - Aossible, amongst all classes, a knowledge of the elementary parts of preventive Zºe subjects selected are of vital and £ractical importance in everyday life, and are treated in as popular a style as is consistent with their nature. Long Life, and How to Reach it. Contents:-Introductory Remarks—Causes of Disease—Heat and Cold-Contagion-Clothing- Pure Air-Pure Water-Baths—The House—Food–Impurities in Food and Drink—Exercise—Sleep -Mental Power-Old Age, how to meet it, &c. - 2. The Throat and the Voice. Contents:-General Construction of the Throat–Care of the Throat-Acute Sore Throats-Diph- theria-Croup-Acute Laryngitis-Chronic Sore Throats—Enlarged Tonsils—Chronic Laryngitis- Foreign Bodies in the Throat and Windpipe—Morbid Growths in the Throat and Windpipe—Paralysis of the Throat–Spasm of the Throat–Neuralgia of the Throat–Naso-Pharyngeal Catarrh—The Voice-Acoustics of Voice–Varieties of Voice–The Vocal Organs—Vocal Culture—Improper Use of the Voice—Vocal Gymnastics—Defects of Voice–Care of the Voice. 3. The Eyesight, and How to Care for it. Contents:—Introductiºn—The Anatomy of the Eye-The Physiology of Vision—The Opthalmo- scope-Injuries and Diseases of the Eye—Optical Defects—Spectacles—Practical Suggestions for the Care of the Eyes-Effects of School Life upon the Sight. 4. The Mouth and the Teeth. Contents:-Introductory—The Mouth–Anatomy of the Teeth—Development of the Teeth—Erup- tion of the Temporary Teeth—Difficult Dentition—Care of the Temporary Teeth—Sixth Year Molars —Shedding the Temporary and Eruption of the Permanent Teeth—Nutrition of the Teeth—Food in its Relations to the Teeth—Nervous Relations of the Teeth—Constitutional Peculiarities, Varieties, and Defects of the Teeth-Irregularities of the Teeth—Tartar of Salivary Calculus—Decay of the Teeth, or Caries–Toothache-Extraction—Hoemorrhage—Hygiene of the Mouth—Reparative Treat- ment—Substitution—Artificial Dentures. 5. The Skin in Health and Disease. Contexts :-Structure of the Skin: Epidermis—Blood Vessels–Sweat Glands–Muscles–Hairs— Nails-Physiology of the Skin-Care of the Skin in Health-So, ps-Diseases of the Skin–Popular Errors—Lesions—Eczema-Acne–Seborrhºea.—Baldness—Psoriasis Svobilis–Favus–Liver Spots -Shingles–Erysipelas-Erythema–Prickly Heat—Lupus-itching— h Patches–Poison Ivy- Boils — Sycosis–Icthyosis–Lice–Crabs—The Itch—Bromidrosis–Gianders—Noevus–Measles— Scarlet Fever-Vaccination—Chicken Pox—Warts—Diet and Hygiene in Diseases of the Skin. 6. Brain Work and Over-work. - Contents:-General Causes of Nervous Trouble: Exposure-Dangerous Excesses-Alº~" and Coffee—Gluttony—Work—Effects of Emotional and Intellectual Work—Instrument f Brain Unnecessary Work—Proper Age of Labour—Difference in Labour-Power of Sexes– 5 º ork —Rest in Labour–Law of Habitual Action—Proper Time of Work–Variety of WSº Recreation-Sabbath Question—Sunday School–Games–Exercise—Length, Method, and - - I Spending Vacatign-Rest in Sleep-Varieties of Sleep-Time and Amount of Sleep-Stimulants during Labour-Signs of Nervous Breakdown, &c. - 7, Sick Nursing: A Handbook for all who have to do with Cases of Disease and Convalescence. Contents :-The Sick Room-Ventilation–Light—Temperature—Furniture—Food–Cleanliness- Tranquillity-Gossip-Influence of Mind on Body—Observation—Convalescence-Incautious Use of Medicine-Signs of Disease in Children—Baths—Applications—Diet during Disease and Convalescence —Cookery for the Sick Room—Domestic Medicines–Accidents—Management of Health in Old Age. 8. The Young Wife's Advice Book: A Guide for Mothers on Health and - Self-Management. Contents: -Introductory Remarks—Menstruation—Pregnancy—Diseases of Pregnancy—Mis- carriage—Confinement—Preparations—In the Absence of the Doctor—The Mother—The Child— Treatment after Delivery–Nursing–Bringing-up by Hand–Weaning—Health of Mother and Child. 9. Sleep: How to Obtain it. Contents :-Sleep a Necessity–Nature of Sleep—Somnolent Condition of Brain—Proper Tempera- ture of the Body—Proper State of the Nerves–State of Mind—The Will in Relation to Sleep- Exercise necessary for Sleep-Amount of Sleep-Diet in Relation to Sleep-Mode of Living—The After-Dinner Nap—Sleep Baits—Bodily Posture during Sleep–On being Called-Nightcaps, Spirituous and Material—Bed Dresses and Bed Clothes—Beds and Bedsteads-Dreams—Somnam- bulism—Spectral Illusions, &c. The SATURDAY REVIEW says:– “It is not too much to say of them as a series, that the shilling invested betimes in each of them may be the means of saving many a guinea.” - Zondon : WARD, ZOCK & CO., Salisbury Square, E.C. Iliſiii. - 3 9015 06242 5387 - - - - - - ---