1
i
i
ARTES
1837
LIBRARY
SCIENTIA
VERITAS
OF THE
UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN
ACCIAIBUS PHUKE
TUEBOR
SI-QUÆRIS PENINSULAM·AMŒNAME
CIRCUMSPICE
P917
1783
NON
CIRCULATING
In Amber
LIBERAL OPINIONS,
OR,
The HISTORY of BENIGNUS.
A NEW EDIT 10 N,
CORRECTED.
2
By Mr. P RATT.
السليم
Dodd det.
T. Cook sulp
The Abode of Benignus discoverd.
VOL.
II.
LONDON,
Printed for G. ROBINSON, and J. BE w, in Paternofier
Row; and fold by J. WALTER, Charing-croſs.
MDCCLXXXIII.
}
03-23-28 Llob
Engl.
Blackerit
1644″
༤་
CONTENTS.
CHAP. XLVII. A poetical fragment, con-
taining foliloquies of a highwayman. Con-
teſt betwixt poverty and conſcience. Infide-
lity of a friend. The joys of faſhion. Im-
pudence of wealth. View of a fick family.
Stop traveller. The robber's apology for
the first offence. His prayer. Medita-
tions on his booty. Alarms of guilt. Strug-
gles of a delicate heart. The means of
ſuſtaining life ſhould be honeſt.
CHAP. XLVIII. to page 13. In which the
>
editor fpeaks, both by note and chapter
reafoning with his reader as a friend. Page
10, where the hiftory is continued, and
taken up, ſo as to give a glimpſe of poor
Benignus, at the clofe of his misfortune,
after diffipation, credulity, and want of œco-
A 3
nomy,
CONTENT S.
nomy, having driven him to the foreft..
Page 13, the hiftory is fufpended, and the
remainder of the volume diftinguiſhed by
Sections, as in the beginning of volume the
hrft.
SECTION I. The editor continues his Libe
ral Opinions, and addreffes his Patronefs.
A note of advice to the reader.
SECT. II. Ode to a fchool-fellow.
SECT. III. A picture of poetical premiſes, in
luxuriant profe; where the editor takes the
liberty of flouriſhing. A deſcription re-
commended to young writers.
SECT. IV. Propofals for converting the
matter contained in the laſt fection, into a
paſtoral pamphlet, quarto fize, price half a
crown.
SECT. V. The hut.
SECT. VI. Pathetic paffages of a true ftory.
The deaths of a wife and huſband. Fidelity
of a brute.
SECT. VII. LIBERAL OPINIONS, adduced
from the various fubjects contemplated in the
former
CONTENT S.
1
former parts of the work. Proſpect of fu-
turity, the beſt remedy for forrows not oc-
cafioned by intentional guilt..
SECT. VIII.
Proofs of this matter. Exa-
mination of the propriety of Mr. Addiſon's
expreffion, when he called the labyrinths of
life, ❝
regular confufion." The apparent
and the actual ſtate of things confidered.
66
SECT. IX. A moral and fentimental excur-
fion. The reader is requested to enter the
cottage of calamity. An exact inventory,
or ſchedule of its furniture.
SECT. X. Tranſition to a gay part of Lon-
don. Breathing room for the reader. Re-
marks on a great man's knocker, and fold-
ing-doors. Cautions againſt his lordship's
Cerberus, by whom thofe doors are guarded.
Advice to fhabby-gentlemen. The arts of
opening and ſhutting,-admitting, and re-
jecting. With the ſcience of delivering or
refuſing a meſſage. The palace of plenty.
SECT. XI. The perils of a promiffory note,
and the affairs of debtor and creditor; or,
buying
CONTENT S.
buying and felling the human ſpecies con-
fidered.
SECT. XII. Pecuniary obligation, the neareſt
way to Newgate.
SECT. XIII. Stricture on the laws of Eng-
land. The infide of a priſon.
SECT. XIV. Sufferings of the animal world,
SECT. XV.
*
Recapitulations.
SECT. XVI. Concluding pages of the Opi-
nions. The bleffings of faith and religion.
All comes right at laft. Ruggedneffes are
fmoothed.
SECT. XVII. A poftfcript, written folely to
introduce
SECT. XVIII. The tranfparency of the
diftinction betwixt reafon and inftinct.
Philofophical conjectures on the animal
exiſtence after the prefent life, argued from
the benevolence of God, and the ſuffering
of the animal, &c. &c.
CHAP. XLIX. The fentiments of a fimple-
ton, at a firſt fight of London.-Perverſe-
nefs of a hackney-coachman.-Politeness of
a lady.
}
CONTENT S.
a lady.-Benignus arrives at the houſe of
Mrs. Darlington, his relation.
CHAP. L. A boy's embarraffiment amongſt
people of faſhion, with many other matters.
--A compariſon between a morning in
London and a morning in the country.-
Benignus difcovers in himſelf a talent for
defcription.
CHAP. LI. The hero fketches a fcheme of
life.-A rhapfody on the magic of imagi-
nation-Recapitulates paft adventures, he
is amazed, mortified, and moralizes-Re-
folves to be prudent, and gives an inſtance
of it.
CHAP. LII. Containing a breakfaſt dialogue,
a female wit, and other curious particulars.
-Benignus walks out to criticiſe the city,
and is attended by Mr. Jonathan Abrahams,
the ſteward, and Mr. Benjamin Abrahams.
-The hero's remarks on the adventures of
the morning.
CHAP. LIII. Tranfactions with a jeweller,
with the misfortune of Abrahams.
CHAP
CONTENT S.
T
CHAP. LIV.
The fteward's avarice-and
ftratagem to recover his property. Very
curious converfations at a bookfeller's, with
a difplay of literary characters.
CHAP. LV. A difcourfe between Mr. Jo-
nathan Abrahams, the ſteward, and a filver-
finith.-Mr. Abrahams difcovers that his
charity is equal to his religion.
CHAP. LVI. Benignus detects the paffion of
Alicia a dreadful misfortune befals the
object of it.-Benignus is unbenevolent,
and feels, for the first time, the reproaches
of confcience.
CHAP. LVII. Containing an epiſode, but
recited in low language, and which ſome
readers will probably think unnatural and
inelegant.
CHAP. LVIII. The epiſode continued,
wherein Mr. Benjamin, and fomebody elſe,
make no inconfiderable figure.
CHAP. LIX. In which the epiſode ſtill goes
on, in the fame low ftyle.
CHAP. LX. The epiſode ended...
CHAP.
CONTENT S.
CHAP. LXI. Containing mifcellaneous mat-
ter.-A childish anecdote, with a grave ino-
ral.-Benignus fpeaks like an author.
CHAP. LXII. The remarks of Benignus
upon the commerce of vihtings.
CHAP. LXIII. Wherein the fteward makes
a very great appearance. He is put into a
pair of fcales.
CHAP. LXIV. The fteward's character is
problematical.-Benignus commits a very
fooliſh action, for which fome will think the
better of him.
CHAP. LXV. In which feveral matters are
reconciled to probability, with a word, by
the bye, to readers in behalf of authors.
CHAP. LXVI. Full of tenderneſs, or weak-
nefs, or whatever the taste and temper of
the reader pleaſes to call it.-The art of
authorſhip practiſed by Benignus.
CHAP. LXVII. Containing a character of
confequence; and the concluding pages
the fecond volume.
of
LIBE
:
LIBERAL OPINIONS,
&c.
THE
HISTORY OF BENIGNUS.
CHA P. XLVII.
AFRA G M ÉN T.
CONTAINING
SOLİLOQUIÈS OF A NIGHWAYMAN.
H! family forlorn!
A. The fport of fortune, famine, and man-
kind;
Compoſe thy griefs, Loùifa-ſtop thoſe tears;
Cry not ſo piteous-ſpare, oh ſpare, thy fire
VOL. II,
B
;;
Nor
2
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
Nor quite diftract thy mother,-hapleſs babes!
What ſhall I do?—which ever way I turn,
Scenes of inceffant horror ftrike my eye:
Bare, barren walls gloom formidably round,
And not a ray of hope is left to chear;
Sorrowing and fick, the partner of my fate
Lies on her bed of ftraw-befide her, fad
My children dear, cling to her breaft, and weep;
Or preft by hunger, hunt each nook for food,
And, quite exhaufted, climb thefe knees-in
vain.
How ev'ry aſking eye appeals at once!
Ah looks too eloquent!-too plainly marked,
Ye afk for bread-I have no bread to give.
:
The wants of nature, frugal as ſhe is,
The little calls and comforts which fupport
From day to day the feeble life of man,
No more, alas! thy father, can fupply!--
To me, the hand of heaven-born Charity
Hard, as the feaſon, gripes-the neighbour-
hood,
Bufy'd or pleas'd, o'erlook a ſtranger's woe ;
Scarce knows the tenant of th' adjoining houſe,
What thin partitions fhield him from the room
Where Poverty hath fixed her dread abode.
Oh
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 3
.
'
Oh fatal force of ill-timed delicacy,
Which bade we ftill conceal the want extreme,
While yet the decent drefs remain'd in flore,
To vifit my Eugenius like myself;
Now fhame, confufion, memory unite
To drive me from his door.-
-Ah cruel man!
Too barbarous Eugenius-this from thee?
Have I not fcreen'd thee from a parent's wrath,
Shar'd in thy tranſports, in thy forrows fhar'd?
Were not our friendſhips in the cradle form'd,
Gain'd they not ftrength and firmneſs as we
grew,
And doft thou ſhift with fortune's veering gale?
Doft-thou furvey me with the critic's eye?
And thun thy friend, becaufe-(oh bluſh to
truth,
Oh ftain, to human fenfibility!)
Becauſe his tatter'd garments, to the wind
And every paſſenger, more deep betray
Th' extremity fevere-then, fare thee well!
Quick let me feek my homely ſhed again,
Fly from the wretch, who triumphs o'er my
rags,
On my Louifa's faithful bofom fall,
子
​Ba
Hug
4
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
Hug to my heart my famiſh'd fondlings round;
Together fuffer-and together die.-
What piles of wealth,
What loads of riches glitter through each ſtreet?
How thick the toys of faſhion croud the eye!
The lap of luxury can hold no more;
Fortune, fo rapid, rolls the partial fhow'r,
That ev'ry paffion fickens with exceſs,
And nauſeates the banquet meant to charm-
Yet, what are all theſe golden fcenes to me,
Theſe fplendid modifh fuperfluities;
What are theſe bright temptations to the poor?
Sooner, alas, will Pride new gild her coach,
Than bid the warming faggot blaze around
The hearth where chill Neceffity refides→
But muſt Louiſa, then our tender babes,
Muft they untimely fink into the grave;
Muft all be victims to a fate fo fore?
The world will nothing give but barren frowns
What then remains-There ftands the wretch
ed hut
1
I dare not enter-Heav'n befriend them all!
What then remains-The night ſteals on a-
pace;
The fick moon labours through the mixing
clouds:
Yes
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
5
$
Yes-that were well-O dire neceffity!-
It muſt be fo-Deſpair, do what thou wilt !
I faint with fear,
With terror, and fatigue-This foreſt gloom,
Made gloomier by the deep'ning ſhades of night,
Suits well the fad diſorders of my foul:
The paffing owl fhrieks horrible her wail,
And confcience broods o'er her prophetic note;
Light ſprings the hare upon the wither'd leaf,
The rabbit frolicks-and the guilty mind
Starts at the found, as at a giant's tread-
Ah me!-I hear the horfe along the road-
Forgive me, Providence-forgive me, Man!
I tremble thro' the heart-the clatt'ring hoof
Re-echoes thro' the wood-the moon appears,
And lights me to my prey-
-Stop, traveller!-
Behold a being born like thee to live,
And yet endow'd with fortitude to die,.
Were his alone the pang of poverty;
But a dear wife, now ftarving far from hence,
Seven hapless hungry children at her fide,
A frowning world, and an ungrateful friend,
Urge him to actions which his heart abhors:
Affift us-fave us-pity my deſpair,
B 3,
O'erlook
6 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
*
O'erlook my fault, and view me as a man.
A fellow-mortal fues to thee for bread,
Invites thy charity-invites thy heart :
Perhaps thou art an huſband, and a father;
Think if thy babes, like mine, dejected lay
And held their little hands to thee for food,
What wouldst thou have me do, wer't thou,
like me,
Driven to diftrefs like mine-oh! then befriend,
Make our fad cauſe your own--I aſk no more,
Nor will I force what bounty cannot ſpare;
Let me not take affaffin-like the boon
Which, humbly bending at thy foot, I beg.
Ne'er till this night-
God ſpeed thee on thy way,
May plenty ever fit within thy houſe!
If thou haft children, angels guard their ſteps!
Health ſcatter rofes round each little cheek,
And Heav'n at laft reward thy foul with blifs!
He's gone-and left his purfe within my
hand;
Thou much-defir'd, thou often fought in vain,
Sought while the tears were fwimming in my
eye,
Sought, but not found-at length, I hold thee
fast.
Swift
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
7
Swift let me fly upon the wings of love,
And bear the bleffing to my fainting babes,
Then, gently take Louiſa in my arms,
And whiſper to the mourner, happier tidings.
-Hark! what noife was that?
'Twas the dull bittern, booming o'er my head;
The raven follows her-the duſky air,
Thickens each form upon the cheated fight:
Ha! fomething fhot acroſs the way, methinks!
'Tis but the fhadow of this ftripling tree,
That throws its baby-arms as blows the gale.
Each object terrifies Guilt's anxious heart!
The robber, trembles at
What have I faid?.
Robber!-well may I ftart-
heav'n!
What have I done?
-Shall then Louiſa live on ſpoil?
Shall my poor children eat the bread of theft?`
And have I, at the peaceful hour of night,
Like fome malignant thing, that prowls the
wood,
Have I—a very felon !-fought relief
By means like theſe? And yet the traveller
Gave what I afk'd, as if in charity:
Perhaps his heart, compaffionately kind,
B 4
Gave
8
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
Gave from an impulſe it could not reſiſt :
Perhaps 'twas fear-left murder might enfue.
Alas, I bore no arms-no blood, I fought!
How knew he that ?—yet ſure he might perceive
The harden'd villain ſpoke not in my air;
Trembling and cold, my hand was join'd with
his,
My knees fhook hard, my feeble accents fail'd,
The father's huſband's-tears bedew'd my
face,
And virtue almoſt triumph'd o'er deſpair!
Yet ftrikes the thought feverely on my heart,
The deed was foul!-foft-Let me pauſe a-
while!
Again, the moon-beam breaks upon the eye,
Guilt bears me to the ground-I faint-I
fall!
The means of food ſhould ſtill be honeſt means,
Elſe were it well to ſtarve!
Cetera defunt.-
At this place, madam, we muſt ſtop
after Benignus reached London, he
met
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
9
་
-
met with a great variety of adventures,
all of which, were ftrongly calculated
to fix the affertions and hypotheſis in
the 12th and 13th chapters, beyond
any fort of doubt-thofe adventures,
are of the moſt intereſting nature-
fome of them are pathetic-all are full
of that agonizing knowledge, which is
uſually purchaſed at the price of a broken
beart-The manufcript in my poffeffion
is not large, but it is in fo fmall and
clofe a character, that it would yet
furniſh out at leaft fix window-feat,
faſhionable volumes-As I have already
got beyond the limits of a letter, (unleſs
it had been written upon one of thoſe
leaves, which travellers affure us, will.
cover an acre of ground) I muſt reſerve ·
the remainder of his Legend, till ano-
ther opportunity-at prefent I can only
fpare my unfortunate hermit a few more
pages, for an extract or two from the
record.-
•
B 5
THE
ΙΟ LIBERAL OPINIONS.
THE LEGEND,
Continued from the 685th Chapter.
I was now in the 37th year of my
age,—as emaciated-unhappy-defo-
late a creature as ever reluctantly crawled
on the bofom of the earth,-the greateſt
part of my fortune was gone-the re-
mainder was in bad hands-my repu
tation was ruined-my wife was dead
—and my health was totally de-
ftroyed. The friend, whom I moſt:
loved, and moſt truſted, deceived me ;.
and yet it was the conftant aim and
center of all my views to derive hap-
piness from goodness. One folitary 201..
bank note, which was paid me in full.
for a debt of 500l. was all I have left-
prifons, croffes, afperfions, and cruel-
ties, had driven me to the point of
death-
LIBERAL OPINIONS:
death-fociety became dreadful to me,.
and indeed my confumption had taken
fuch hold of me, that I became dread--
ful to fociety. I bought a forry mule,- -
twelve facks of common biſcuit—wrapt
up my exhaufted limbs in a horſeman's.
coat-left the detefted town, and took.
the road to this foreft.
The ideas of a deſpairing mind are:
generally wild and violent. Mine were
the direct contrary-I was not defperate,,
but I was dying; and I was unwilling
to lay my bones, where my body and
mind had been equally lacerated-at
the edge of the wood I ftopt-every
part was almoſt inacceffible, and.
peared the more fo, as the moon-beam
threw a fhade deeper on it-I knew
not at what part to enter.
ap-·
Here, madam, we muſt make a fe
cond gap in the hiftory, and continue
it from
B.6
3
CHAP..
·
:
1
12
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
CHA P. DCCLXX.
Being the last of the LEGEND.
I have now been an inhabitant of the
foreſt only five weeks-I have got a
few birds-my old dog, fo frequently
mentioned in the latter part of my hif-
tory-a cat that ftrolled one day into
my cottage, which is nothing better
than a collection of ſticks cloſely com-
pacted, fodded at the top, and carpet-
ted with facks at the bottom-I am at
the extremity,-God has permitted me
to finiſh my adventures, wherein every
thing that happened to me in the world,
or in the wood, is accounted for--I
find I am no longer able to hold the
pen-farewell then that which has been
my chief amuſement-farewell writing
-the hand of death is upon me--I will
now hang my label on the door.
I have
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
13
I have been at the point of death
three days I am too weak to rife-
My ſtore box is empty-my poor brutes
are falling famiſhed around me-the
pen (which I laid by the head of my
fack) is held fo faintly, that I can
fcarcely mark the fate of my last mo-
ments-I make random efforts on the
paper-and I die-a fatal example-
that no forrows no difappoinment—
no barbarities,-ſhould at any time have
power to drive a man totally from his
fpecies-the filver chord that tied the
foul, to the body, is broken-I am-
*
* *
This hiftory, madam, together with
other adventures in the world (with
which at fome future period, that world
may be made acquainted) have led me
to a feclufion almoſt as retired from the
buſtle and intrigue of life, as the un-
happy
<
1
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
NIONS.
147
happy author of the Legend. I intend¨
my memoirs ſhall ſerve as the counter-
part of his; and both will indifputedly-
prove and validate, the peculiar truth'
of theſe fingular fentiments,
That, nine times out of ten, a life
of benevolence is a life of infult and
pain.
L
That an unwearied attention to the
pleaſure and comfort of others, is gene-
rally repaid by ingratitude from the
world..
·
And that (in a terrestrial fenfe)--
tracing the fact through all claffes of
life, from the nobleman in his villa to
the beggar to his fhed-goodneſs is not
often, in this world, rewarded by fuch
returns from our fellow-creatures, as con--
ftitute thofe fenfations, which are in--
cluded in our ideas of happineſs..
The refult of the whole, madam, will
-be,
Firft..
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 15.
Firft.
To be good, would, to all intents and
purpoſes, be to be happy, had not man
degenerated in the extreme; and had
not his worldly intereſt prevailed over
the profpects and promiſes of futurity.
Secondly.
That the world is permitted to exift,
for the fame reafons it was fpared in
years which are far behind, when the
Omnipotent declared with his own fa-
cred voice that-if ten, or even five,
juſt people could be found, the city
(over which the almighty arm of ven-
geance, was raiſed in ſuſpenſion) fhould ·
be ſpard.
Thirdly.
That, the perverfion of money, and
the abuſe of riches, has contributed
more to the corruption of human na-
ture, over every part of the habitable
globe,
16
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
globe, than any other thing, fince the
invention of a commerce with it.
Fourthly.
That, this world (and more particu-
Tarly the poliſhed and voluptuous parts
of it) would be intolerable, to a truly
good mind,. and of all poffible places of
torment, the moſt ſevere,. (to men en-
gaged in fociety, but unengaged in its
general ains) were it not for two rea--
fons, which will not only be fully given
in the promiſed hiftories-but.may be
briefly ſeen in the conclufive parts of
thefe volumes.
But before we purfue fubjects of fo
grave a nature, I ſhall beg your lady--
ſhip's leave to offer fome lighter amuſe-
ment I fear I have made you gloomy:
-let us then inftantly return to our
fancy-pieces amongſt theſe I muſt:
number a little piece of poetry, wrote-
a year after leaving ſchool.. I fhall pre--
fent
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
17
fent your ladyfhip with this with all the
marks of juvenility, about it-poor
Benignus thought much of robbing an
orchard. His idea might be right, but
I must confeſs to you, that for my part,
though I had a pretty early knowledge
of meum and tuum, I was not quite fo
fcrupulous, as to this particular. Be-
nignus was likewife frequently infulted
for this benevolence-now I avoided
infult, by the only way to efcape it,
either in a ſchool or in the world-for
I was one of their own fort,-did as
they did, and was as thoughtleſs, and
as trickful as the beſt, or rather-the
worft of them-the evils of life did not
feize me fo foon, as they feized Benig-
nus-When your ladyship, at a future
day, fhall read my memoirs, you will
perceive too many reaſons for an alte-
ration in fentiment.
!
O DE
18 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
o O D
E
TO A SCHOOL FELLOW..
HAIL to the harmleſs feats of happy youth!
To the ſmooth hours of genuine plea-
fure, hail!
Hail to tranfport-hail to truth,
When jocund health blew fresh in ev'ry gale,
And reckleſs paſtime ſpread the frolic fail!
Backwards, dear Youth-a little caſt thine eye,
Let pregnant fancy paint each early ſcene,
And pencil fair our boyifh days,
The lively hope that crown'd the revel
reign:
Our thouſand pleaſures-thouſand plays !—
If thefe thou haft forgot-forbear to figh:
But if thou call'ft to-mind-beſtow thy fym-
pathy.
Recall the hour that fet us free
From gerunds, pronouns, profody,
Recall the blifs that throbb'd the heart,
When the glad fummons made us freely ſtart,
"Twas
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 19
'Twas heav'n and holiday-
And ev'ry little foul was in its May!
'Tis true, we dealt in trifles then,
But trifles catch more mighty men ;
Cheap were the baby-toys we choſe,
Blithe as the ruddy morn we roſe,
And ſlept at night, with-all a boy's repofe.
We knew not man's amuſements wild,
Our wishes were the wiſhes of a child.
What tho' (for we are heirs of pain,
Even from cradle, fore we figh,
And as the hill of life we gain,
More rugged is the road-more ſharp the mi-
fery).
What tho' fome vexing troubles chofe
Our ſports to diſcompoſe;
What tho' the lightning of the maſter's eye,
The threat'ning tone, the brow auftere,
Beſpoke diſaſter near,
And pedagogal tyranny:
Tho' knotty points of learned lore diſtreſt,
Puzzled the head, and throbb'd the breaft;
Tho"
20 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
Tho' the keen fcourge of dreadful fize!
Acutely whipp'd to make us wife.; '. \
The fleeting anguiſh never reach'd the heart,
But the faint cries were tranfient as the fmart.
Soon as the fenfe of pain was o'er,
Sufpended happineſs return'd,,
The paffing tear was feen, no more.
The birchen fceptre loft its power,
For mirth refum'd the vacant hour,
And the gay ftripling laughs at what he
mourn'd!
The foldier thus, in heat of wars,.
Sunk by the fudden blow to ground,
Still cover'd o'er with various ſcars,
E'er well the anguiſh leaves the wound,
Soon as he gains the ftrand
That girds his native land,
With triumph he recounts the hardy fray,
Shews the deep mark, where many a bare bone
lay;.
And fmiles at all the blood-fhed of the day.
Can't thou, my friend, recall theſe joys,
Yet ceaſe to wifh we ftill were boys?
Think
1
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
21
Think on the deep' complottings of our
crew,
Scheme upon ſcheme, fome arch exploit in
view,
The merry moon-fhine pranks we play'd,
The little thefts at evening's fall;
The truant rambles we advent’rous made,
When bold we fcal'd the orchard wall.
Where as we reached the ruddy bough
On which the fair temptations grow,
One plucks the fruit,-and one receives
below!
Ah miniature exact of man!
Nature's full length, is ſtill on childhood's plan,
But brighter colours 'deck the youth,
Rapture and health, vivacity and truth,
Soft too are then the fhades of care,
And art wants time to paint
The figures of deſpair!
A
Your ladyship will now perhaps pay
a vifit with me to my animals-poor
creatures they have been a long time
neglected
!
22
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
neglected to this end we muſt re-
turn to my cottage-there it is, madam!
-very properly fituated for a page of
defcription-a fancy-piece of itſelf.-
There is fo much poetry to edge the
borders of profe in this little fubject,
that for the foul of me I cannot enter
the doors, without indulging the va
nity, of drawing
A PICTURE OF THE PREMISES.
Did ever your ladyfhip behold the
flope of any wood more beautiful than
that, which riſes by foft gradations,
from the ſpot which my cottage occu-
pies, to the warm boundary of hills,
which form a vegetable ſcreen for the
valley?every bush is blooming with
perfume, and every tree is pendent with
bloffoms-the hand of nature has woven
me a carpet, ſo diverfified in colours,
3
and
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 23
and fo fantaſtically figured, that the ut
moſt pride of Turkey droops even to
dullneſs, on the compariſon-and hark!
madam-the note of pleaſure affords
for the ear, as fair a banquet as the
proſpects of ſummer afford for the eye.
Murmuring along the brake, (inter-
cepted in its paffage by the pebbles) a
ſmall rill of water winds its way along
the grove, and at laft is heard, bub-
bling into the brook at the bottom-
the river rolls majeſtically ſlow at a little
diſtance; and a ſtately ſwan (the empress
of the tide)! fails felf-important on its
bofom. On the left hand is a flock at
feed, while fome of the lambkins are
flumbering in the fun, and fome frifk-
ing round the bushes-on the right, the
muſicians of the feafon are warbling in
the concert, and the pauſes of harmony
are ſupplied by the fonorous ſplaſh of
the neighbouring water-mill.
The
green
24
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
green fod embelliſhes the feat round my
hut-the woodbine comes nodding into
my cafement, and vegetation goes fmil-
ing, even to my door-fuch is the out-
fide of my little place.-
And now I fubmit the matter to your
ladyship-could I, with any fort of juſ-
tice to myſelf, or it, have paffed into
the ſweet hut, without pulling you one
moment by the ruffle, to fhew you how
prettily I ſtood; and that neither I,
nor my fociety, left the town without
being decently provided for in the
country.
-Upon reading over the defcrip
tion of my cottage a ſecond time, I can-
not help thinking it would make a ſmart
morfel for the magazines or for the
next poetical nofegay Mr. Dodfley ſhall
think fit to gather from the fugitive
flowers of this literary land-but as I
was fearful of detaining your ladyſhip,
I
I have
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
25
I have ſpoken of the matter haftily,
and yet I do not. think, a ſingle thing
wanting to complete-(when turned
into verſe)-a paſtoral poem-nay, I
am farther fatisfied that, what with the
title, the advertiſement-the preface,
the dedication, the argument, and the
introduction, it would be quite large
enough for a half-crown pamphlet-
eſpecially when your ladyfhip takes two
points into confideration-firſt, that four
lines of profe will, at any time, make
fourteen of poetry; and fecondly, that
the preſent taſte of printing is fo ex-
tremely white and delicate, that a very
few lines, will go a great way; info-
much, that upon a pretty nice calcula-
tion it would be found, that fix-penny-
worth of fenfe, and twelve-penny-
worth of paper, (allowing for faſhion-
able margins) will, when properly ma-
nufactured, produce, half a dozen pocket
VOL. II.
volumes,
C
26 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
volumes, at the moderate price of three
fhillings per volume. We will now,
madam, ſtep into
THE H U T.
Oh force of animal gratitude! how
the creatures croud around us! we have
left them but a few hours, and they are
ready to devour us with their fondneſs-
even the ſuperanuated pointer beftirs
himſelf on this occafion-poor fellow,
he is the ſon of an unhappy fire, whofe
. ſtory goes (I verily think), as near to the
heart as any that was ever recorded-and
yet I am afraid I fhall hurry your lady-
ſhip too quickly back into the region of
gloomy fentiments, fhould I relate it-
but there is a pleaſure even in the
anxieties of fympathy; and as the ftory
is now fresh in my memory, and my
letter
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 27
علم
letter drawing to the end, 'twere a pity
to fupprefs it.
PASSAGES of a TRUE STORY.
-Oh Romeo,-Romeo, what a
treature wért thou!-how courteous.
how fagacious-how well tempered!-
He was defcended, madam, from a
glorious line the fon of a noble ſtock-
venerable from his pedigree-royal in
his extraction, and, to crown his cha-
racter, he was the favourite companion
of a dear friend of mine who is now-
no more.
In one of the ſharpeſt days, and yet
one of the faireft that winter could pro-
duce, the youthful Flavian prepared,
with his gun and his Romeo, to take
the diverſions of the field-happieſt of
men-happieſt of dogs-They were,
C 2
parti-
28
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
particularly lucky, and it was a day of
eminent fuccefs-this pointed the game
-that brought it to the ground-the
net was foon crouded with the ſpoil,-
but as Flavian was returning-
Notwithſtanding the elevation of
your rank, your ladyſhip muſt have had
frequent occafion to deplore the capri-
cious uncertainty of fublunary enjoy-
ments-muſt have feen the eye that in
the preſent moment ſparkled with hope,
in the next rolling with deſpair-and
tears ufurp the features which an hour
before were dimpled by joy-this is in-"
deed fo hackneyed and univerfal a fact,
that I should beg your pardon for di-
greffing into a parentheſis about it.
As Flavian was returning to his
houſe, and Romeo was ranging the
fkirts of a copfe, rather in the way of
wantonnefs than induftry-knowing
perhaps, that the bufinefs of the day
was
LIBERAL OPINION'S.
20
was already done-juft as the winding of
the thicket meander'd into an elbow
that jutted into the field,-Romeo
broke fhort his ftep, and ftood fixed in
an attitude, which put Flavian on his
guard. In the next inftant an hare
ftarted from the bushes, and ran trem-
bling to the oppofite hedge-row; on the
other fide of which, was a fhaded lane,
that led to Flavian's villa.-There is an
enthufiafin, which feizes the ſportſman at
the fight of fudden game. With that ſort
of inſpiration was Flavian now ſeized,
who, levelling his gun to the mark (with
an aim too fatally erring) depofited the
charge into the bofom of
*
Mighty God,-I want forti-
tude to go on!-
Flavian, madam, had a wife-un-
happily for him, fhe was tempted by
the brightneſs of the morning, and the
report of his fowling-piece at no great
diſtance,.
C 3
३०
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
diſtance, to ftrole from her houſe, and
as was fometimes her tender cuſtom-
intended to haften his return, not only
to enjoy his fociety, but to put an end
to the depredations of the day.The
found of the gun had fcarcely died upon
the air, when a found of a different kind
Yaluted the ear: Flavian dafhed through
the hedge, and faw his Maria extended
along the path-way, which was over-
hung by the buſhes, and her bofom was
bathed in that blood, which he now
found had been fhed by her huſband.
In purſuing the game, Romeo firſt dif-
covered his mistress, and with his four-
feet upon her lap, was mourning over
her wounds: the agony was fo legible
in his countenance, that if he had the
power of fpeech-it would have been
impoffible to defcribe it.
The husband-ah, madam! In thefe
cafes, as I have juſt remarked-the
brute
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
31
brute and the man are alike; fince both
must deliver over to the dumb fenfa-
tions of the heart, a language neither
fcience nor inftinct can teach them to
articulate-all that can be faid or done
is dull painting,-he ſtruck his breaſt-
caft an eye of aſtoniſhment at heaven,
and fell fpeechlefs by her fide-the poor
woman, faw his agony-made an effort
to embrace him, but funk exhauſted on
his breaft.
A fervant of Flavian's, who had been
on a meffage, now appeared upon the
road in the lane-Romeo ran to him,
-leaped round his horſe,-looked up to
the man-and led the way to the ſcene
of death-The fervant rode away on
the fpur, to alarm the family at the
manfion-houſe-in the mean time, the
laft endearments were faintly inter.
changed betwixt Flavian and Maria-to
the latter, articulation was foon. de-
nied
C 4
32
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
.
nied but fhe, by fome means, got her
huſband in her arms, and in that fitua-
tion expired-the diftrefs of Flavian
affected not even yet his tongue-the
dear body, mangled as it was, could
not be torn from him, and both he and
the unhappy lady, were carried to that
apartment, from which they had parted
a few hours before, in the higheſt
gaiety of wedded hearts, and in the
warmeft ardours of youthful expec-1
tation. And now comes on the bu-
finefs of poor Romeo-Flavian fell
fick-Romeo was the very centinel of
his door, and the nurfe of his chamber
-a fever followed, which at length
touched Flavian on the brain, and in the
violence of the delirium he ftruck his
poor attendant Romeo, who fo far from
reſenting the blow, licked lovingly the
hand that gave it-madneſs ſhifted into
melancholy-Romeo was ftill by the
:
fide
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
33
fide of the bed, fearful to step even
on the carpet-after this-the fever re-
turned, and burning its way to the heart,
in a few days defied phyfic, and united
his ashes to thofe of his beloved Maria-
from the room in which he died no force
or contrivance could feduce Romeo, till:
the moment in which he was put into.
the coffin, and the people concerned-in-
his funeral began to deem it neceſſary to
deſtroy the dog, which refifted all their
meaſures, but eſpecially their carrying:
him away; at length he fuffered it-
but followed them clofe, and was per-
haps the moſt fincere mourner-as foon
as Flavian was committed to the earth,
his faithful Romeo took dominion of
the fpot, and was the fentry of his
grave-grief and hunger had exhauſted
every thing-but his attachment-yet
he never was heard to whine-but, after
laying till nature could do no more, he
was at length found dead at the foot of
C 5
the.
34
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
the tomb-thus the mafter expired, and
the fervant found it impoffible to furvive
him.
Methinks I fee your ladyfhip
fhed a tear to the complicated misfor-
tunes of this family-I congratulate you
upon it-Fie upon the heart that is
afham'd to feel-and wither'd be the
cheek, that (in defiance of the impulſes.
of nature) is kept dry, by the maxims
of faſhion !—but neither the above ſtory
madam, nor any other, in the preſent
volumes, were introduced merely to
excite fenfibility-It finds a place
amongſt theſe pages, as a fuitable vehi-
cle for fome
MORAL OPINION S..
In the few anecdotes of Benignus,
were briefly fhewn that, nine times out
of ten-To be good, in this world
Was not the way-To be happy.
+
That
LIBERAL OPINIONS." 35
That is not to be happy, if our be-
haviour, and its confequences, were to
take their rewards from the returns of
our fellow-creatures in general-The
reafon affigned for this, is the only true
reafon that can be affigned-The dege-
nerate ſtate of maxims, and manners.-
All the evils therefore which are of a
malignant nature-all fuch as ariſe from
the perverfion of money-or turbulence
of paffions, are totally to be imputed,
to human fources-but there are other
evils (and ſome extremely fore) that fall
out, to make goodneſs nó fecurity for
worldly happineſs-Thefe-(I mean
fuch as abfolutely are placed beyond the
reach, or prevention of man), are cer-
tainly the acts of the Deity, we call
them, under the vague name of accidents
-they light equally on man and beaſt,
and every thing that hath an exiftence;
and (for ought we can tell) they may
poffibly affect vegetation, and carry. the
C 6
diſtreſs
36 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
diſtreſs beyond the fcale that is animated.
As great proportions of that miſery
which cloggs the path of life therefore
is cauſed by the bad propenfities of
men-fo it muft of neceffity be admitted,
that the road which leads from this
world to the next, is made additionally
wearifome and heavy, by the permiffion
of fome power fuperior to theirs. It is
peculiar to the moſt rational animal (as
he is called), to perceive this, though
he cannot adequately account for it-
to account for it indeed has been the la-.
bour of the moft fhining under-
ftandings!-divines-moralifts - the-
ologiſts - philofophers metaphyfi-
cians, and poets, have exerted every
nerve, in every age upon the fubject.
The moſt pious and induftrious of theſe
all concur in their fentiments, and con-
clude with the fame ideas,-They ſay
That, though to be good may not be
rewarded in general with the gratitude
of
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
37
of our fellow-creatures, and that virtu-
ous characters are commonly infulted by
the multitude (who are creatures of ig-
norance and intereft) yet a man is ſuffi-
ciently rewarded for his rectitude (even
in this world), by the endearing fociety
of men like himſelf-befides which,-
the comforts of confcience are more than
a counterbalance for the fevereft fuffer-
ings-tó which are added the chearfut
proſpects of futurity.
That with reſpect to all thoſe num-
berleſs diſaſters which fall out in de-
ſpite of human fagacity-the anſwer
always has been and ſtill continues to
be this-They are trials-&c.-&c.—
There is indifputably a great deal of
confolitary truth in both theſe conclu-
fions. Some part of the argument
however is liable to objection-zeal will
very often run away with the powers of
reflection. The fyftem of men of religi-
ous moderation is comprized in the ſhort
paffages
38 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
1
paffages above. More intemperate peo
ple, who call themselves free thinkers,
have under that title affùmed al privi-
lege, to argue very boldly on the other
fide of the queftion. Some have con-
tended that if vice is natural to the
heart of man, it must be an effort as ri-
diculous as impoffible to refift it-the
fhocking inference is, that God is the
fole origin of evil, and that he certainly
would not punish his creatures for
yielding to a neceffity in their nature-
others, madam, of our own nation (the
very foil of free-thinking) fay, it would
be an act of benevolence to withdraw
evil from every part of the globe-
another afferts, that vices and miferies
of all kinds are peculiar benefits, and
that, to a trading nation efpecially,
they are the very main-fpring in the po
litical machine. There have alſo been
(and ſtill are), a fet of loofe pens,
which (fkilled in the trick of fophiſtry)
exculpate
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
39%
exculpate every wickedness in man at
the blafphemous rifque of lodging the
cauſe and fault of the whole upon the
Deity and a celebrated Frenchman
(whofe genius is the pride of that polite
nation) has written a book in the feven-
tieth year of his age, to prove, that of
all poffible ſyſtems, the fyftem under
which we are governed is the worst.
Thefe deferve and meet the indignation
of every honeſt man. A much admired
countryman of our own, madam, has,
in a compofition that contains the moft
poetical philofophy in our language,
advanced ſeriouſly an oppofite fenti-
ment, and terminates the whole by de-
claring, whatever is, is right.-My own
opinions on this important fubject are, I
dare fay, like thoſe of your ladyſhip-
I think every work of God vindicable;
but I do not think, fome of them recon-
cileable to reafon, by the beaten mode
of defending them. There are at this
inftant,
40
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
inftant, thouſands of our amiable fellow-
creatures in the world (bad as it is)—
ftruggling with the ſtorms of fate, with-
out finding relief in the fociety of men like
themſelves; for it will be eafy to prove,
that even the tendereft and worthieft
connexions of a man fly off in the hour
of neceflity; nor will it be more diffi-
cult to fhew-(if it could poffibly need
an inftance beyond the reach of any
one's experience)-that poverty (in the
extreme) is often accompanied with the
lofs of reputation. Thofe are yet ba--
bies in the world, who fuppofe half the
bad reports, they hear of men, are the
confequences of their ill conduct::
for the fact is, that there are a pretty
equal number of wretches deſerted by
their friends (becauſe their unworthiness-
unfitted them for what is called virtu-
ous fociety) and of wretches deſerted,
becauſe their ill-luck in life drove them
too:
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
41
too often againſt the purfes of their ac-
quaintance-for I must once again re-
peat, that the abufe of riches has made
avarice the ruling vice-and there is
fometimes the highest degree of avarice
even in diffipation-felf ftill fettles at
the bottom. Nor are even the com-
forts of conſcience, always fufficient to
bear a man up, againſt the infults of
mankind: for many of our fpecies are
fo pelted by the tempefts of life, that the
pureft integrity, and the fweeteft re-
flections refulting from that integrity,
are obliged to give way to the misfor-
tunes which croud inceffantly upon
them. Sorrow treads faft upon forrow,
calamity ftrikes upon calamity, and
accident comes ftumbling fo rapidly
upon accident, that the whole bufinefs
of the foul is to fhift for the neceffities
of the body; or to try the force of its
religion, to accommodate itſelf with
proper
42
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
proper patience, to bear its allotment,
without plunging into the errors of
deſpair. Inſtances of this kind are ex-
tremely numerous. Men indeed who
are plumped by profperity and indo-
lently loiter out an unferviceable exift-
ence, in the eafy chair of voluptuouf-
nefs; and women who are tied down to
a peculiar fet of amufements, ideas, and
purſuits, may fee this matter in the
light, which their contracted teachers
have taught them to fee it. But the
fons and daughters of luck and luxury,
are the worst judges of the fons and
daughters of misfortune. The grand
amulet the only effectual remedy of
forrow remains behind, and that is a
univerfal one-ample enough for the
cure of mifery, even though mifery was.
univerfal the profpects of futurity-
when friends forfake us foes opprefs
us-and confcience is cowed, by con-
ítant
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
43
ftant adverfity-thofe, madam, and
thofe only, prevent deſpair, and point
to felicity. With regard to the evils of
accident, nothing but thofe can recon-
cile them with the line of our moſt na-
tural notions of eternal goodness; and
thoſe do reconcile them to the fublimeft
idea that ever was conceived of it.-
But let us turn afide from argument,
and look upon life for exemplary
PROOF OF THIS MATTER..
Among other accidents that could
only be reconciled by the profpects of
futurity, is the ſtory and fate of Flavian,
and his family-how agrees it-might
we argue (but for thofe profpects).
with the beneficence of the Creator to
afflict fo much morality and goodneſs,,
without any apparent caufe. In short,
madam,
44
LIBERAL OPINIONS
madam, the human foul ebbs and
flows like the ocean, though not with
the fame regularity. There is no pu-
rity, nor any devotion, but fometimes
wavers for a moment: believe me, there-
are periods when the moſt apoftolic
faith ſtaggers-ay, and that upon prin-
ciple; for the better the mind, the
greater is its occafional agitation. Di-
vines tell us, it is finful. I infift, it is
unavoidable, and I will in this cafe be
fo bold to enter a caveat againſt all the
caffocks in the kingdom. There is an in-
tricacy in the events of the world which
will on the first view conftantly appear
myfterious. They frequently put the
human intellect upon the puzzle. We
want not books, or arguments, to teach
us ambiguities; for every rational fenfe
about us preffes the whys and where-
fores fpontaneouſly and irreſiſtibly upon
us. 'Tis not, madam, the vanity of
penetra-
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 45
penetration: 'tis merely the curiofity
and inquiring propenfity of nature.
It was, with a propriety peculiar to
the claffic genius of Mr. Addiſon, that
he called theſe labyrinths of providence,
that fo frequently cross the lines of
life" a regular confufion." Let us
examine that celebrated expreffion, and
it may perhaps lead us into a train of
thought, which may throw new light
on our preſent ſubjects, both with rela-
tion to man and brute. The eye of
God, (and poffibly the eyes of his an-
gels) may fee the regularity, unin-
tangled in the confufion. But what
proves this more, than that finite can
by no means, meaſure with infinite?
To man's imperfect vifion, many events
already hinted at in this letter, and
many more which might be brought
into the catalogue of inftances, are not
only repugnant to every moral, natural,
or
46 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
or confcientious law (were we to decide
of them by the narrow line of human
juftice) but are utterly oppofite to our
own ideas of common compaffion. Still
farther. I beg leave to advance the
matter much farther. It is a fact, (at-
tefted by the tears and agonies of a
mournful multitude) that the horrid
variety of miferies which attack the at-
tention on all fides, would tempt the
fobereft head, and the devouteſt heart, in
the world, to fufpect that the affairs of
that world were totally eclipfed in con-
fufion, without a ſingle ray of apparent
regularity: judging, (as was obſerved
above) and faintly guided through the
dark, only by the twilight glimmerings
of natural reaſon, and natural equity.
To prove this, there arife at once fo
many inftances, that choice is perplext
in variety. Let us quit the fire-fide,
madam, for half an hour, and, turning
our
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
47
our eyes on the active world, walk lei-
furely along to furvey the great ſcenes
that are fleeting before us. If it is
agreeable to your ladyfhip, we will
make
A MORAL, AND SENTIMENTAL
EXCURSION.
And London fhall be the boundary
of our ramble. That ftupendous mafs
of building, contains every thing for
our purpoſe: perhaps, there never was
more happineſs and mifery crouded to-
gether, upon the fame ſpace of ground,
fince the foundations of the world! In
the first place (for your ladyſhip muſt
fuppoſe yourſelf endowed with a power
of ftepping into whatever places you
think proper, during this tour)-we
will pay a vifit to that wretched looking
houſe;
48 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
houfe; and though I am taking you
into thoſe fad retreats, which are very
uncuſtomary to people of faſhion, yet
we will walk up the broken ſtairs, and
open the door of that chamber. Pray
furvey it with a critical eye. The
ſpectre Famine hath ufurped the feat of
Plenty. There are feven fmall chil-
dren, without any ſymptoms of the
health, and rofy hilarity, which uſually
attends the moſt untroubled period of
life-the pale young woman, whofe
arm is round one of the youngeſt, with
one (ſtill finaller) which ſhe is dandling
on her knee, is their mother; and that
tottering phantom of a man, whom age
hath rendered feebler than the feebleft
of the children, is the father of that
mother-I beg pardon: I have over-
looked a perfonage, of no fmall confe-
quence. At the fide of the broken lat-
tice you behold, one of the king's
officers.
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
49
officers. He has a paper in his hand,
a pen in his mouth, and his eyes`äre
running up and down the room, in the
moft eager diſpatch. For once, we will
difpenfe with faſhionable ceremonies,
and peep over his left fhoulder. This
method has enabled us to read, what
he entitles
}
AN INVENTORY.
·
One table-ſplit in the left lid, and
two of the joints wanting.
One cradle.
<
A fmall ftool.
An oyfter-barrel.
One go-cart.
Three chairs,two without backs,
the rush rotten.
One child's chair,--the bottom almoſt
gone.
VOL. II.
D
Four
50
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
Four knives.-One without a haft.
D° forks-two of the tongs broken.
One fifth of an iron poker.
A box-iron.
One cinder fifter-terribly battered,
And one wooden fender-burnt in.
fix places.
N. B. A fmall tea-cheft-lock loft
-the cannifters bruifed.-
December 12th.
To be carried off or fold the 18th
inſt.
Sold! Heavens! Huſh, madam,
I perceive you are prepared with
many queſtions. The anfwers are me-
lancholy to every thing you can fạy.
See, madam, the good man has dif-
charged his duty (in which we muſt
bear teftimony he was confcientiously
particular) and is going out of the
room: we will follow his example-ah
-madam, the tears are fwimming round
your
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
51
your eye, and your hand is in your
pocket. There then-God profper you
with it, poor woman: fee if one of the
infants, is not quite taken with the
flowers upon your ladyfhip's gown, ano-
ther faintly plucks me by the fkirt of
my coat, and is paying ftrong court to
my buttons the mother is upon her
knees to you-fhe thinks and looks the
gratitude fhe is unable to ſpeak-let us
hurry away before the fcene becomes
too interefting even the fioky air
of one of the moft fmoky ftreets of the
fuburbs is chearful, and falubrious, to
the oppreffion I felt in the chamber we
have juft left-A coach will carry us to
a more agreeable part of the town in-
habited by different fort of people-in
this fquare we will ftop, for here is
breathing-room. Hark, how the roll
of the chariots, the report of the horſes
feet, and the echo of the doors prepare
D 2
Us
752
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
us for the magnificence of fashion. We
are now in the very region of finery.
As fudden tranfitions have always a
great effect, I will now take your lady-
fhip into a very fplendid apartment-
thefe folding doors will admit us, because
we fhall not look as if we had no doors
of our own; for in all cafes of that
fort, there is a peculiar difficulty in get-
ting on the other fide of the knocker,
which, for the most part, is fupported
in the jaws of fome monster, that feems
to ſay to every neceffitous crawler, or
even to every fhabby gentleman-Come
if you dare-approach, and be devour-
ed. Luckily for us, madam, there is al-
ways another monfter appears, the inftant
the door opens, and as he conftantly acts
upon the liberal principle of Cerberus,
we will give him a fufficient fop; upon
which he will become immediately fo
tame, that he will make the hinges
echo again, even though we were come
to
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
53
to dun his keeper. The arts of open-
ing a door, and delivering a meffage,
are fciences that would very well fill a
volume. I fhall therefore certainly ſtand
excuſed fon having fcribbled only a page
upon the ſubject.
We are now walking up the geome-
trical ſtairs-that door opening upon
another door, will lead us to another
green door, which will lead us to the
apartment, where the family are affem-
bled at breakfaſt. How beautifully and
warmly the whole room is carpetted,
and cushioned-We perceive at the
table three hearty children-a lady of
an elegant figure, and a gentleman in
his night-gown and flippers. Blefs me!
-how the fervants bow-what a pro--
fufion of gilding and plate!-and ſee,
madam, the youngest boy is actually
toffing an handful of guinéas up and
down the floor by way of amuſement.
I hear-
D 3
54
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
I heartily with the poor children we have
juſt left, had the trouble to pick them
up for my young mafter. If your lady-
ſhip will pleaſe to retire, I will tell you
fomething, as you go along, worth
hearing, of this family.
詈
​The gentleman, madam, whom you
faw in the morning-drefs, is one of
thoſe human beings Providence hath
for fome wife end permitted to hold the
happineſs and comforts of a great many
other human beings in his poffeffion.
In the English language he is known
by the name of a creditor, the moral
definition of this term is fimply this
-a man who having the good things
of this life in great abundance, diftri-
butes a ſmall portion of thofe good
things to fuch as are deftitute: a kind
of benevolence, that would reflect dig-
nity upon the author, were it not liable
to a trifling circumſtance, which fome
will
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
55
}
will think a drawback upon it-for the
benefactor commonly chooſes to take in
return a ſmall flip of paper, by virtue
of which he can torment, and have the
perfon benefitted, as it were, on the
hip, at a moment's warning; and in
fault of payment, requires full autho-
rity, either to feize the body, and de-
polit it in a jail; or take poffeffion of
the goods, and turn the body into the
-freet. In fome parts of the future
hiſtory of Benignus, will be delineated"
the whole and extenfive ſcience of man-
catching, wherein will be fhewn, that
the flave-trade flouriſhes furpriſingly in
Great-Britain, and that the traffic of
buying and felling the human fpecies is
daily gaining ground, through every
part of his majeſty's dominions: and
this is eſteemed fo curious and origi-
nal a part of the manufcript, that I ex-
pect a prodigious confideration for the
D 4
copy
56
LIBERAL OPINIONS
1
copy-In the above work, however, a
proper and nice diftinction is made, as
to the nature and contraction of debts,
infomuch that it will infallibly prove
a fure guide to creditor, debtor, and
bailiff, for thofe, madam, are the prin
cipal agents in this humane and excel-
·lent art. I cannot quit this fubject
without prefenting your ladyship, with
a flight fpecimen of the above fort of
merchandize. The bufinefs is fre-
quently tranfacted thus: one man in
diftrefs borrows (in an humble tone,
with his hat under his arm, and in all
the confufion of want) of another man,
in no diftreſs whatever, value forty fhil-
lings: (as misfortune is apt to expect a
fun-fhiny day, even in the midſt of hard
weather), diſappointment trips up the
heel of hope, and the day of reſtitution
runs by, in which the faid forty fhil-
lings remains, like the hand-writing
on
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
57
on the wall, againſt him. From that
moment the bargain is ftruck-the pur-
chafer demands his property, and as the
tranfaction is fanctified by the laws of
the land, the carcafe is at his diſcretion: -
it is dragged from its friends, and fo
cautiouſly prevented from taking cold
in the open air, that it is put very ten-
derly under lock and key, and bar and
bolt, that it is in a perfect cage: here.
a parcel of crows are fuffered to peck
at it, which are a kind of guarantees
to the purchaſer of the body.
-
And now we will go on with our
ftory-the gay fpark who is the fubject
of our prefent enquiry, became a cre-
ditor to the poverty-ftruck family whom.
we faw in the fuburbs of the town, by
being landlord or poffeffor of a range
of ruins, among which is the uncom
fortable hut we defcribed. The mafter
of that hut, (who is at prefent out of
the
D 5.
58
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
the way) is amongst the number of
thoſe againſt whofe tranquillity the dark
events of this life were perpetually
pointed. The confequence of this
(which is pretty frequently the cafe)
was the deſertion of acquaintances, and
the diſtance of friends, and he was of-
ten accuſed of obliquity, though in
truth he feldom deviated into thoſe
crooked paths, which juftly excite agony
and fhame. He was unable to anſwer
the inclinations of his heart, and was
two years in arrear for the rent. One
morning the poor man's wife waited at
the door of Sophron (for fo will we call
him) and delivered an apology: by
great chance the porter thought fit to
deliver it immediately, and by a chance
ftill greater, the young woman was ad-
mitted into the prefence chamber, where
Sophron was indulging the furfeiting
luxuries of his fituation.
Diftrefs had
not,
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
59
not, at that time, wholly deftroyed the
beauty which was naturally extraordi-
nary in her-fhe caught the fancy of
the prefent moment. Sophron pro-
poſed an immediate treaty, and offered
moreover a purfe for the relief of her
ftarving family. Generous as this
might be, ſhe flatly refuſed it. As So-
phron was not much accuſtomed to the
language of denial, and thought be-
fides, his offer not only an honour but
a liberality, he ordered her haftily to
depart. She did fo, and in going home
felt one of thofe fenfations, which for
a moment relieves the fenfe of the worſt
condition, by the triumph of the con-
ſcience. She told the whole to her huf-
band, and in his rewarding embrace,
fhe felt thoſe fenfations revived. But
where mifery is conftantly ſhifting from
one forrow to another, the pleaſures of
reflection can feldom have leifure to play
-What
D 6
60
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
3
-What was the refult of this matter!
-withdraw a moment, madam, to that
gloomy looking pile-the common re-
ceptacle, the promifcuous depofit of
diſtreſs and infamy for a length of years
-we will wind up the dreadful ſtairs—
alas! how does novelty give force to
objects, which cuftom has rendered un-
noticed the grating of the bars-the
jingle of the keys, and the clank of
the chains, I fee, terrify your ladyfhip
-pray ſtop awhile, in that diſmal cell,
behold the confequence of a wife's un-
feaſonable chaſtity, and virtue-there
lies the hufband-Sophron had once
rifqued, as he called it, the loan of
ten guineas; for that fum he was ar-
reſted-and for the rent his goods will
fhortly be fold.
And here, madam, let me pay a com-
pliment to the juftice, fagacity, and
chriſtianity of our law-makers,-law-
makers
¡
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
61
makers of the moſt refined, and po-
liſhed nation under heaven-who have
affigned to unfortunate men, who owe
and have the leaft money, a refidence
of the greateſt gloom, hardship, and
difcredit, amongft wretches. who have
broken at midnight into our houſes-
affaffins who have ſhed the blood of our
fpecies, and robbers who commit hof-
tilities upon the road. Encircled by
fuch affociates is Sophron-his children
are famiſhing at home-his wife is con-
demned to ſee the neceffity every mo-
ment encreaſe-his houſe has ſuffered a
diftrefs-their next migration muſt be
into the ſtreet-the plain reafon is this
-the wife was virtuous-the hufband
unfortunate-while the oppreffor revels
in his plentitude, though his fortunes
were obtained by fraud, and are diffi-
pated in every kind of debauchery.
Behold, madam, the wife is herſelf en-
tering
62
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
tering the cell-fhe has brought the
poor creature a fhare of that refreſh-
ment your ladyfhip's bounty has en-
abled her to procure.
Heavens, what a fhout is there!-
See, they are bringing in a freſh prifon-
er.- How the old inhabitants cluſter
round the new comer, as they would
fay, Welcome to Newgate, brother !—
Pray, Mr. Jaylor, what is his crime?
-murder!-a man was executed yefter-
day fe'nnight under a public gallows,
upon ftrong fufpicion of committing
that very murder, which this prifoner
has confeffed. There is a confufion in
the innocence of fome people, and a
croſs concurrence of ill-looking circum-
ftances, very like the blufhing evi-
dences of guilt. Such was the prefent
cafe-appearances were ftrong againſt
him, human fagacity was baffled, and
the victim was given up to the laws-
he
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
63
he had a large family, his wife is in a
fever his fon is burying reflection in
the dreadful opiates of the bottle, and
his connexions are in deep and difgrace-
ful mourning.
Yonder, madam, lies a miſerable ob-
ject-unnatural parents have driven her
from home-ſhe is too honeſt to ſteal
-fhe is afhamed to beg, and being,
from the peculiarity of her fate, under
a neceffity to borrow-ſhe is at laſt
pro-
vided for by the bounty of government,
that humanely allows the wretched juſt
food enough, to perpetuate the fenfe,
and lengthen out the period of calamity.
But now, we will leave the fufferings
of our own fpecies, and in our way
home, caft an eye upon the fufferings
of
THE
64
LIBERAL OPINIONS:.
THE ANIMAL WORLD....
Take notice how yon team groan
under the burthen. They are labour--
ing in this fevere weather for the ſervice
of man.
But obſerve their driver!
hark how the knotted whip founds.on
their fides-The blood gushes at every
ſtroke-the poor things labour in the
extremity, and when they have fur-
mounted the difficulty, the fanguinary
maſter pats them on the neck, not a
little pleaſed with the. triumphant vi-
gour of his arm. If it could poffibly
be ſuppoſed, that brutes deferved a ftaté
of perpetual puniſhment, a large city
were ſurely their hell. A few lap-dogs,
fpaniels, and other favourites excepted
-the general treatment of animals is
favage beyond all comparifon of bar-
barity-There ftands a cruel wretch,
who
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
65
who hath beaten out the eye of the fore-
horſe for prefuming to ftir, while the
car is unloading; he then curfes him-
felf for the exploit, and concludes. the
matter by a fecond blow, becauſe the
creature threw its eye in the way of the
firft; and fee, madam, yon fellow, in
paffing, carelefly drives his carriage
againſt another that is going a different
road; and in order to extricate the in-
tertangled harneffes, both drivers apply
to the old remedy, and inſtead of calmly
fetting things right, put the animals on
their ſpirit, and every thing is at length
torn in pieces: a freſh beating now en-
fues, and the poor devils are to ſuffer
again for what, at firft, could not on
their part be avoided. Such are the
general lives of horſes, and fuch the
diſcipline practifed upon them almoſt
every hour.
K
It
€6 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
It is an happineſs peculiar to the foft-
nefs of your fex, and confiftent with the
delicate profperity of the female na-
ture and fituation, madam, that their
purfuits and pleafures entirely lay in
fuch parts of the town, as make fhock-
ing ſpectacles not very frequent, if we
compare them with the more buſy parts.
of the city. There is-1 cannot but
perceive a civilization of addrefs, an
urbanity of demeanour amongst the very
chairmen of St. James's, which we
fhall in vain look for in the meffen-
gers of Whitechapel, and the porters of
Thames-ftreet. The politeffe of the
'court ever influences in fome degree
the places that furround it: but in the
city, the fpirit of humanity is too often
trod under feet by the fpirit of trade:
and the laws of trade have, indeed, fo
very little in general to do with the laws
of benevolence, that in the full, and I
might
•
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
67
might fay, the overflowing tide of com-
mercial fuccefs, a man of bufinefs fel-
dom regardeth any life, but fuch as is
neceffary to puſh the point of gain to
the extremity -
I múft once more draw your ladyship
out of the way, to take a view of
Smithfield.-There, madam-it is high
market, and the distemper which fome
time fince, raged amongst the horned
cattle, even to the alarm of the nation,
was mercy and providence to the uſage
which the poor creatures fuftain in this
place. All that ſticks, ſtones, and iron-
goads can effect, is here effected againſt
thofe inoffenfive animals, by which
plenty is procured, riches circulated,
and even life fupported.-
Here, madam, we have ſelected a
few of thoſe innumerable inſtances,
<
·
which rife up to alarin us. That fuch
have often happened cannot be denied ;
and
689
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
J
!
and if we were to take a cloſer ſurvey
of the world, with a view to collect a
more accurate journal of calamity;
if we were to bring into the; black ac-
count, the miferies, both of the rich
and poor-the thoufand dreadful cafu-
alties which no innocence can help,
with the tens of thouſands of fatal ope-
rations of paffion, which deform exiſt-
ence, and agonize our hearts-if we
were to confider likewife, the plagues»
the difgufts, the cares, the conteſts-
the depredations of war, and the vo
luptuoufneſs of peace-if we were to
look into the prodigious mafs of 'mif
cellaneous mifchiefs, branching out
from avrice, prodigality, gaming, fwear-
ing, law-fuits, robberies,. chagrines,
murders, and every other prophana-
tion-or if we were to dive ſtill fur-
ther, and mention the diftrefsful fitua-
tions occafioned by fire, famine, pefti-
lence,
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
60
Hence, earthquakes, inundations, pub-
lic tumults, and domeftic inquietude-
obferving at the fame time, that thou-
fands of every race of beings are fre-
quently pining away life, inch by inch,
and are whole years in dying; adding
to this eventful catalogue, the pangs
of fickneſs, the lofs of limbs, the
deprivation of intellect, the under-
ferved lofs of character, the difo-
bedience of children, and the cruelty
of parents; with the horrid havock of
thoſe 'deteftable appetites of the heart,
revenge and inordinate defire-what
madam-but for the chearful promifes
of an bereafter what ſhould we think
what ſhould we ſay?
That there is much happineſs, many
bleffings, and many people who de-
ferve them, cannot be diſputed-the
world is in itſelf a paradife-but paffions
perverted, accidents permitted,-mif-
chiefs
70
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
chiefs perpetrated, and money turned
into the wrong channel, have fo´de-
ftroyed its ferenity, that the foul dif
treffed in the world, is obliged to feek
frequently for a retired corner, and
argue with itſelf.
naturally lead us to the
Theſe reflections,
}
{
1
CONCLUSION.
It has been the conftant defign, of
the author of this letter, to examine
feveral facts relating to men-animals
-and things, in a new manner,-with
this ultimate view-to. vindicate the
ways of God not only to man, but to
every other living creature!-The
limits I propoſed to allow myſelf are
more than exceeded, and the length of
my letter (fwelled into volumes) feems
{
to
i
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
71
to demand an apology. The utmoſt
that I can venture more, is to prefent
your ladyship with a few inferences
drawn from the whole of our ramble
amongſt the fields of unuſual ſpecula-
tion.
As the innocent man, madam, has
often loft his life, and difgraced his
relations on fufpicion of guilt—as the
hardneſs of
of a
creditor frequently
tightens the cord of the law, till it
pinches the bowels of a numerous fa-
mily-as there are actually parents in
the world which not only defert their
offspring, but fear up that ſtrong at-
tachment which is generally the vital
principle of nature-as modefty, inge-
nuity, and honefty, are often harraffed
by innumerable cares and perplexities ;
to foothe which even the compliments
of the confcience are not always ade-
quate-and as-on the other hand,-
1
thofe
172
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
thofe to whom fortune hath been fuller-
handed, frequently disturb the good
order of ſociety, and ufe their adventi-
tious acquifitions to promote oppreffion
and to extend luxury. As thoſe who
addreſs the Deity in fervor of heart,
are often deſtitute of a comfortable pro-
portion of food-wander naked and
forlorn through life-and others that
have food, want appetite to eat it-
while thoſe who never mention the
Deity, but to enforce an oath, and give
poignancy to blafphemy, enjoy every
temporal good--as even the unble-
miſhed ſtate of childhood, when power
is wanting to perpetrate the intentional
guilt--as the new-born babe frequently
ftruggles with various diſtreſs, at a time
when its weakneſs calls for peculiar
fupports-wanting which its future ex-
iftence is fometimes wafted under the
languors of an unfound conftitution-
as
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
73
as thefe, with every other calamity I
have recapitulated, or advanced, through
this letter-and as many more than can
be poffibly ſuggeſted at a fingle view,
have, and do, actually light upon the
human race-notwithſtanding all the
comforts and all the bleffings in the
world-ſome aſtoniſhing fource of con-
folation is abfolutely neceffary to recon-
cile theſe facts to the mind.-To de-
cide upon the matter (as was hinted be-
fore) agreeable to our ideas of rectitude,
we ſhould pronounce it, without hefi-
tation, a monstrous fyftem, which con-
founds right and wrong, innocence and
error. Natural reafon would condemn
it as inconfiftent-Pagan philoſophy
would reject it as barbarous-pedantry
would call it unfit-poetry would dẹ-
clare it unjuſt-
common fenfe would
pronounce it abfurd.
VOL. II.
E
Here
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
74
Here then, madam, the two comfort-
able reaſons I have promiſed to give,
as the only reconciling ones, that can
poffibly make life fupportable, or the
trange intricacies of it confiftent, de-
ferve to be mentioned. They come to
us, under the cherubic forms of FAITH
and RELIGION-juft as we are finking
under our doubts, they come forward
to difpel them-they give ftrength to
reaſon-force to philoſophy, and illu-
mination to confcience-the wretched
infulted heart liftens to their arguments,
and finds them decifive-revelation
herſelf ſteps into our relief-ſhe con-
feffes, with the poet, there is apparent
confufion in the regularity of Provi-
dence, that the cloudy mirrour,
through which the human eye is directed
in purblind fpeculation reprefents the
path of virtue as thorny and crooked,
and the road to vice flowery and de-
lightful
>
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 75
fightful-but that were it poflible for
men to wind with their Creator, through
all the infinitude of mazes that lead
from, firft caufes, to ultimate effects-
to view all the labyrinths which are ab-
folutely neceffary to connect, continue,
and complete the fyftem, the whole
matter would be inverted, and the re-
gularity appear, without confufion-
Thus therefore, madam, all comes
right at laft.
č
"To be good is to be happy"
"The confufion is regular," and
Whatever is, is right."
ว
1
}
- A future life, only-(in every in-
*ſtance I have mentioned, and in many
that I have omitted to mention) can
make the prefent life fupportable, or
the preſent ſyſtem equitable. And
upon thefe rational principles, I would
E 2
argue
76 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
argue the effentiality of that futurity-
but not fo much from the power and
wiſdom, as from the benevolence of the
hand that hath prepared us for it-nor
is the attribute of juftice lefs concerned
in this provifion-for-were the death
of the body, the death alſo of the foul,
-the devil himself, as the fyftem now
ſtands might yet want a malignity in
his nature to continue it; and in that
cafe, the wifeſt way to put an end to a
man's torments would be the ſhorteſt;
and fuicide would obtain a fanction
from common fenfe. The very equity
and tenderneſs of the ſupreme Power is
concerned in a diftribution of future
puniſhments and rewards-to thoſe at-
tributes therefore fhould every unhappy
creature look up-from them ſhould
expect the hour, in which, that
which is " now crooked fhall be
made ftrait," and every unevenneſs be
ſmoothed
1
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
fmoothed-when the balances fhall be
poiſed by an omnipotent arm, and
juſtice at laſt prevail.
Having thus vindicated the ways of
God to man, I will now put an end to
my letter, and beg you will accept it at
the hand of
Your ladyship's
moſt humble and
obedient fervant,
POST-
E 3
8 LIBERAL OPINIONS
POST SCRIPT.
And
As theſe ſketches are defigned for
publication, and are, to ftand at the
tribunal of a fociety of literati, who re-
view and take cognizance of every
thing that ventures into this world of
compofition, I fhall lay myſelf too
negligently open to their cenfure, if I
leave, ultimately, the animal creation,
in the lurch-after having all along
declared fo much in its favor.
this, renders a poftfcript effentially ne-
ceffary. Nor fhould I, indeed, ſtand
excufeable to your ladyship, if I omitted
fo material a part of the conclufions to
be drawn from our furvey of the ſub-
ject-Having vindicated-(notwith-
ſtanding all the miferies of good men,
and the fucceffes of bad men)—the dif
penfations of God, towards our own
fpicee,
EIBERAL OPINIONS.
79
fpecies, let us now then, madam, in the
fame tranfient, unfyftematic manner,
vindicate the ways of God, to a nume-
rous race of beings no otherwife con-
nected with our ſpecies, than by the
ties either of attachment, or necef
fity.-
GOD VINDICATED TO BRUTE:
Methinks, madam, the haughty-
hearted man, takes fire at this-what
would the wicked wretch put the reptile
and the rational upon an equality?
Would he give to the almoft undiftin-
guiſhable atom-to the dog that la-
queys my heel, and to various monſters
of the foreft, and the ocean, the fame
profpects with man? with the erect-
the comprehenſive-the fuperior? God
vindicated to brute!-oh, infamous.!
blaf
E 4
80 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
blafphemous! inconfiftent-ſhall the
ox that I kill for the ordinary fupply of
my appetite, and the mule, that I drive
for my diverfion, be upon a level with
their mafter-are they not all born to
accommodate our convenience-are
they not all put in fubjection to our
controul, and do we not treat them ac-
cordingly. I have no time to anſwer
the cavils of felf-fufficiency-we will
proceed cooly, madam.-
Let us argue this point from the im-
pulſes of common fenfe-in our ſurvey
of the fufferings of brutes, it appeared
that with a great deal lefs cauſe, they
underwent, at any rate, as much hard-
ſhip as men: our inſpection indeed into
this matter, like our infpection into the
calamities of our own fpecies, was flight
and curfory; but were we to fet apart a
ferious opportunity to examine the fub-
ject to the bottom, we ſhould find ani-
mal
LIBERAL OPINTONS. 8i
mal miſery as extended and as exquifite
as human. I admit that they are deſti-
tute of reaſon, and it muſt be owned
that a moral ſenſe of the injuries men
fuffer, frequently give poignancy to the
anguiſh: the mind takes, as it were, an
intereſt in the ſufferings of the body;
thus a blow on the face is refented, not
becauſe of the pain, but becauſe of the
idea annexed by the foul to fuch an
act and with refpect to other miferies.
and accidents, the mind by fympa-
thizing often doubles them. This may
be brought againſt me as an argument.
It is none, madam. Even if the fen-
fations of animal pain were merely cor-
poreal, they muſt be fufficiently ter-
rible, when we confider that they are
moleſted by every innovation of tor-
ture. But I do not apprehend their
fenfations of anguifh only bodily: they
have not reaſon, but they have fomething
that
E 5
82
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
·
that does the buſineſs of reafon fo well,
that man is very often put to the bluſh,
and is almoſt aſhamed of the privilege
that fets him at the top of the fcale.
The fact is-brutes are as fénfible of
infults done to each other as men
theſe they reſent indifferently-if they
do not often refent the barbarities of
men, it is not I ſhould conceive, madam,
becauſe they do not feel the indignity,
but becauſe the benevolent Creator has
implanted in their natures a ftrong
principle, either of terror or obediencè
—an unlimited idea of human fupel
riority, or an unlimited idea of his ty
ranny. Be this as it may; certain it is
that the fituation of animals in this life,
particularly fuch as are fubdued to the
domeftic dominion of man, (and fuch
commonly diſplay the moſt amiable
qualities) is not fuch as can poffibly
make that life upon the whole deſirable.
In
LIBERAL OPINIONS. -
83
In a ſtate of nature, where they took
peaceful poffeffion of the woods, it
might be different. In their prefent
ftate of fubordination to the imperious
law of man, nothing can exceed their
miferies, nor can any miferies be more
diverfified. Will it be urged, that a
great many of them are.favage-in their
natures, and cruel to each other,-
that they are at continual war-invade
the repoſe, property, and pleafures, of
one another-that they actually fubfiſt
by murder and rapine-and that man is
juftified in his ufage to them, nor can
they upon this account fairly claim pro-
tection or redrefs from Providence.
This would prove a forry argument.
Do not men live upon each other-are
not they at perpetual war-are
many of them favage in their natures-
do not they diſturb the peace, and in-
vade the property of their fellow-crea-
E 6
not
tures-
+
84 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
tures-is not every paltry trick tried,
and every dirty paffion put in motion,
to perplex, over-reach, and fret one
another?-Is not this fo general a fact,
that the eye fees-the ears ear, and the
heart feels it every hour? Is it not the
tale of tradition,-the burthen of com-
pofition-the hiftory of the day-and-
the evidence of every newſpaper-
fpreads it not over the moft diftant
climates-from the poliſhed European,
who feizes his prey under a maſk, to
the honeſt Hotentot, who roafts it upon
the ground, and fits openly down to
his banquet?-and yet where, madam,
is the man, who would from hence:
argue, that for thefe reafons they muſt
never look up for mercy, but die with-
out hope, without expectation-with-
out profpect? Rather, let them mend.
the imperfections, they have been fo.
fharp-fighted to detect. If the cruel
incli-
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
85
inclination fubfifting in the bofoms of
particular brutes, ftrikes them with
horror; let it operate properly upon the
buman heart; but let them reflect, that
the animal never kills, but to gratify
the calls of famine, or in its own de-
fence-but that the rational frequently
murders for fport, and inflicts pain from
a principle of malignity.
The ſtate of animals, after they leave
the preſent world, has been the ſubject
of very diftinguiſhed talents; and fome
have very warmly contended for their
immortality. Amongft facred writers,
Mofes and Solomon, have leaned much
in their favour: amongſt moderns, Mr.
Locke, Dr. Hildrop, Soame Jennings,
and many others, have taken up the
caufe: neither have French, Spanish,
or Roman authors, been without con-
jectures on the fubject. So that I have
a fufficient fanction, to enter the lift,
as
86
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
as the champion of fọ many millions of
ufeful, beautiful, and innocent beings..
Look, upon your Favourite-how
harmleſs!-how affectionate!—would it
not hurt you to confider, that in a very
few years, the poor creature muſt pu-
trify in the duft, and, mixing with it,
foon become common earth, without
hope of reſurrection? for my part no-
thing could give a keener fhock to my
fenfibility than the horrid idea of uni-
verſal annihilation prevailing over the
animal world-I proteſt, madam, I ain
almoſt ready to fhed a tear to the very
fentiment-Muſt my dear Tabythyetta:
-my demure Grimalcena-my merry
Scugypugiffa―(you will pardon - me,.
madam, for Italianizing their names,.
there is fomething fo dreadfully dull.
and mechanic in the found of an Engliſh
appellation) must all thefe, with that
·
great
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 87
great traveller Tripfea, fink into no-
thingneſs! into oblivion! into dirt!
"Oh horrible, horrible, moſt hor-
"rible!"
i
But I fee, madam, I am likely to
fwell my poſtſcript to the unreaſonable
fize of my letter, and yet if you knew
how extremely painful it is for a man,
warmed by his fubject, and entertain'd
by his ideas-juft as that fubject begins
to take poffeffion of him-while a
fwarm of benevolent arguments are
pouring their honey in upon him-and
charm him with the proſpect of carry-
ing his point-if you knew the pangs;
that laying afide the pen, in fo delicate
a moment, cofts a writer-you would
certainly pity me-however, I have faid
enough of this matter and every other,
just to fhew my intentions; and I beg
your
88 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
your ladyſhip—and I beg alſo my critics
may confider the whole as a mere col-
lection of etchings-the pencil roughly
run over them-the out-lines juft
marked-but that, the boldnefs-the
graces the proportions-the re-touch-
ings and the finishings,-muſt be the
buſineſs of ſeveral fedate cautious, and
careful future opportunities.-
CHA P. XLIX.
Notwithſtanding the tumultuous buf-
tle, which on all fides attracted my at-
ention, as I advanced into the city, it
was late enough in the evening for a
country gentleman to expect more ap→
pearance of tranquility; and indeed;
certain
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 89
certain I am, more than half the inha-
bitants of my village were aſleep.
As I paffed therefore, along ſtreets,
which were illuminated, and fhops,
which exhibited, with an air of often-
tation, every thing to view, I gave way
to the perfect fimplicity of my foul,
and aſked the coachman (for Mr.
Greaves had now left me) upon what
public occafion, theſe rejoicings were
made?-Rejoicings, your honour, an-
fwered the fellow, I fee no rejoicings
for my part: the lamps indeed, burn a
little merrily, but ſo they do every
night o' the year, for the matter of that
-Very well, faid I-drive on brifkly,
fir.
So faid, fo done; and brifkly he did
drive with a vengeance; mounting fuch
precipices, thundering down fuch vales,
turning fuch corners, clattering over
fuch ſtones, and making fuch angles,
that
90
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
.
that (unuſed to ſo pleaſant an exerciſe)
I was utterly unable to keep my ſeat,
and was toffed about the coach from
one fide to the other, till a fudden jolt
drove iny head incontinently againſt
the glaſs on the left hand, which gave
me an opportunity to cut my cheek,
and hollow forth my difafter, to the
author of it. I ordered him to go lefs
furiously, affuring him, at the fame
time, while I applied a handkerchief
to my cheek, that I was not an expreſs,
nor upon any errand that required fuch
hazardous expedition-Oh, very well;
replied this obedient driver, I ax your
honour's pardon, but I thought as bow.
you might like to go the long trot. He
now fet forward, and crept fo pro-
vokingly flow, that I had full leifure to
contemplate every thing I beheld around
me..
·
At
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
GE
At the end of a ftreet, I faw a cluſter
of ſhewy young women, who feemed to
have met by accident, and were rejoi-
ćing at the interview; while the coach-
man, therefore, was indulging his pre-
fent fit of deliberation, moving as if he
had a mind to ftand ftill-one of the
ladies very politely walked by. the fide
of the coach. for fome time, enquired
after my health with great affability,
and at laſt moſt hofpitably invited me,
to drink a glass of wine with her. Struck
with the agreeablenefs of her figure,
and genteel addrefs, and not doubting
but that ſhe was fome young lady who
had ſeen me either at ſchool,, or at my
village (but whofe features were worn
out of my memory) I made her a pro-
found bow of acknowledgement, ex-
preffed my concern at not being able to
accept her flattering offer, but would
take the firſt opportunity to pay her my
reſpects.
92 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
reſpects. In delivering this fentence
(while the good-natured creature ex-
preffed her fatisfaction at feeing me,
even by a gentle preffure of the hand)
I had the confidence to look in her face,
in the hope of recollecting an old friend;
but, fuch was the treachery of memory,
that, although fhe actually called me
twice or thrice, her dear, (which me-
thought denoted particular intimacy)
I could no way recognize her. How
ever, I was in fome meaſure rewarded
for my pains, by furveying a counte-
nance, where the rofes and lilies were
fo nicely blended, the brow fo delicately
arched, and the bofom fo exquifitely
white, that I congratulated myſelf
highly at having found fo amiable an
acquaintance, and fignified my inten-
tion to wait upon her, at all events,
the next day.
*
All
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
93
t
All this time, during which, I was
leaning half out of the window, the
coachiman was ſtifling a laugh, which,
when it was no longer to be repreffed,
would very well have become the lungs
of the animals he was driving. At
length, (he cries, turning himſelf round
upon his box), why ſhe's a tight going
thing, your honour, I'll get down and
open the door.-Will you ride with the
gentleman, Befs? what fay you, hey?
Imagining he meant to infult my friend,
whom I was bound in honour and in-
deed in confcience to protect, I exerted
myſelf warmly in her behalf, infifted
that the fellow fhould not affront my
acquaintance, but go directly where he
was ordered; then, addreffing the lady,
I was preparing a very proper apology
for this unparalleled rudenefs, when the
coachman with a faucy fmack of his
whip, fo increaſed the ſpeed of the
horfes,
04
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
horfes, that I found myſelf at alcon-
fiderable diſtance, before I thought of
afking her direction.
This, however, I now determined on,
and ſtopping the coach, by dint of ab-
folute vociferation, I commanded the
fellow to drive me back again to the
lady, as I had forgot to enquire in what
ſtreet ſhe refided, and where I might
find her houſe. Her house, replied the
coachman-fomewhat furlily, it will be
a difficult jobb of work to find that, I
fancy. She's a here-and-thereian, as a
man may fay-fhe has no houfe-No
houſe, ſaid I! And yet (refumed the
heroe of the long lafh) fhe is pretty well
known at most of the boufes in town, for
all that. What, cried I, is fhe then a
woman of fuch diftinction. Very great
diſtinction, he replied; Befs Bronſby
beats round all the bawdy houſes in a
night, fometimes-Bawdy Houses, faid
I, what
}
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
95
I, what is the then-is that lady-can
it be poffible that-I ftammered a little,
and felt the colour in my face-I know
what your honour would fay, inter-
rupted the coachman; and fhe is all
that, I can affure you. Aftoniſhment
filenced me, and it was fome time be-
fore I was able to fay, go along, coach-
man, pray go along.-
Reflections now thickened upon me,
and thus, at laft, in the language of fim-
plicity and inexperience, I argued.
Fair unfortunate! how I pity thee.
Thou, haply, art another Almeria, de-
tefting thy fad fituation, and fhedding
many a tear, to the fraud which occa-
fioned, and to the difafter which con-
tinues it to thee. Haply fome father,
with the feelings of Mr. Greaves, may
at this very moment, mourn thy loſs,
and thy wanderings-Oh that fome
gentle fpirit, infpired with benignity,
would
96 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
would intereft itſelf in thy fate-would
exert its friendly endeavours to ſweeten
it-Thy heart may not acquieſce in the
conceffions of thy perſon; and if it be
fo, (as furely the luftre of thine eye is
the luftre of innocence) doft thou not
figh for the compaffion of a friend?
doſt thou not weep for the boſom of a
father? Oh that Providence may beſtow
theſe bleffings upon thee, and mayſt
thou, in a parent's protection, once
more find ſhelter from mankind!
I had finiſhed this foliloquy juſt as
the coach ſtopt in a fpacious fquare at
the houſe of my relation; and after the
man had opened the coach-door, I faw
a woman moving along, in no fituation
to be envied; for fhe could by no means
walk, either direct or angular; and
tho' well dreffed, ſhe was ſeriouſly curfing
herſelf all the way; and protefted ven-
geance againſt the very next fcoundrel
ſhe
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
97
The fhould meet-what's the matter
with you, poor woman, ſaid I, ftepping
out of the coach: are you fubject to
fits? Fits be d-d, replied the lady-
O yes, cries the coachman, look your
honour how woundily strong they are
upon her now. Alack-a-day, poor
foul, fhe's got the staggers. You lie,
you fcoundrel, faid the lady. The
coachman knocked at the door, and I
was conducted, by a footman, to the
family of my coufin.
coufin. Drunk! faid I
to myfelf, as I paffed through the hall,
and afcended the ftair-cafe-drunk! a
well-dreffed woman, drunk in the pub-
lic ftreet, at this time of the night, and
ufing fuch language too, becauſe a man
civilly inquires what's the matter with
her? Methinks the London ladies are a
little queerifh: Lord help me, I fee, I
know no more of the ways of this world
VOL. II.
F
yet,
*
+
98
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
yet, than a fucking pig., Courage,
Benignus-that world, is" all before
you."
С сн
HA P. L.
I was fo extremely fatigued with my
journey, from never having travelled fo
far or fo long together before, that I
was under the neceffity of afking per-
miflion to withdraw to my apartments
foon after I had paid, and received, the
cuftomary compliments Aukward mat-
ters to be fure, firft falutations are at
beft, but to a fellow who hath not yet
rubbed off the bafhfulneſs of a boy, by
mixing with men, they are horribly
diftreffing. I do not know that ever I
felt a more diſpleaſing fenfation than at
my entrance into the room, in which
Mrs. Darlington, and her niece, were
fitting,
4
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
99
fitting, in all the primneſs of expecta-
tion. Starch, ftiff, laborious formality,
was viſible in every thing, and I thought
there was fomething punctilious in the
look of the very furniture. But alas!
I foon found the formality was in myſelf
-I was embarraffed, and therefore
imagined every thing near me partook
the confufion. How miſtaken! No
fooner had I expreffed a wish to retire,
than the wiſh was granted, without any
pageantry of ceremony: Mrs. Darling-
ton defired I would do exactly at ber
houfe as I would do at my own.
Polite woman, faid. I, as I was fol-
·lowing the fervant to my chamber-
this Mrs. Darlington is certainly the
best bred woman in the world! There is
a criſis at which fatigue is favourable to
repoſe, but a ſingle moment, beyond the
crifis throws wearinefs on the pillow.
I was, however, lucky in this reſpect,
F 2
and
>
100 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
and flept through the night, without
once waking, to tofs, to turn, or to
contemplate. The fun and I got up
chearfully together, though he did not
ſeem to rife with ſo fplendid a counte-
nance here, as I had been uſed to ob-
ſerve him, through the windows of my
village. To fay the truth, the morning
after my arrival was the moſt lazy-look-
ing morning I had ever beheld, and yet
it was ſcarce lefs than fix o'clock when
I was dreffed. Time, however, feldom
hangs heavy on a man refolved to im-
prove it, and inclined to be ſatisfied.
The profpect from my apartment was
a handfome fquare, with a garden in
the center. Through this ſquare I faw
a woman dreffed in a man's blue furtout,
and fauntering along with a pair of pails,
mewing as he went, like a cat in dif-
treſs; then followed a foot-boy, fhuf-
Aling over the pavement, and highly de-
lighted
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
ΙΟΙ
lighted at the conceit of fhaking the
ends of a fack, which hung over his
fhoulders, into the good woman's pail
without her perceiving him. Some
little time after, a folitary afs came
dreaming beneath panners, which ap-
peared to contain vegetables for the
market at due, and drowzy diſtance,
crept the driver, who looked, if pof-
fible, more fleepy than his beaft: but
they both knew their bufinefs, and ha-
bit will carry a pack-horſe, we know,
to the end of his cuſtomary ſtage with-
out any eyes at all. It is to be pre-
fumed, therefore, in theſe cafes, they
Smell their way. Certain it is, the afs
with two legs, and the afs with double
that number,, croffed the ſquare blind--
fold, without any deviation from the
track, that led to the beginning of the
next ſtreet.. How many, alas! of their
brethren wander from the right road,,
£ 3
as
702 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
as the phraſe is, when broad awakė.
This deſcendant of the fagacious Ba-
laam, deferves therefore to be compli-
mented.
I amufed myſelf in this idling way for
half an hour, and then went down ſtairs,
which were carpetted-from top to bot-
tom.
·
But fad was the furvey of all
below-fill as inidnight, and nearly as
dark. The door of the ſtreet was
chained-the fhutters were cloſed with
bars of painted iron-the cricket was
complaining that the fires were out,
and the pendulum clickt in its corner,
a neglected, melancholy monitor. It
pointed to me, however, the intelli-
gence of wanting only four minutes to
feyén. It gave warning to ftrike-That
may be, faid I, but I fappoſe thee
mayſt ſtrike again and again, before any
one in this Caftle of indolence will make
thee an anfwer. The feven o'clock of
the
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 103
}
the country, is indeed ſo very different
from the ſeven o'clock of London-
at least the polite part of it-that I
inftantly ran into the contraft; for the
readers will find (if readers I have) that
I was a deſperate fellow to think, before
I began to act; or in other words,
that while I was all fentiment, and no
fact-(I hope the definers of modern
fentiment will forgive me) all theory,
and no practice, it was very unuſual for
me to let the minuteſt objects pafs,
without producing a reflection-a ſhort
converſation with myfelf--an ejaculation
a note of interrogation, or an excla-
mation: and for the firft ten years of
my life, this laſt matter was ſo very re-
markable in me, that it became at laft
characteristic, and I was. diftinguished
in feveral circles, under the name of
boneft Ebu !..
d
F 4
As
104 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
As I looked at the clock, which me-
thought ſpoke very fenfibly, I could not
avoid rambling into a contraft. All I
have ſeen hitherto, I cried, is a mighty
indolent collection of creatures truly.
Dull, dreary, and folemn: now, what
a different face has the time of the day
in the country—a face, not of buſineſs
only, but of joy. The milk-maid is
finging at her pail, the ploughman is
whistling over the furrow, the birds are
offering up their hymns from the hedges,
the very waves of the water ſeem to
purfue each other in fport, the leaves
frolick to the gale, and the lambs are
tripping over the lawns.
At the cloſe of this foliloquy, I con-
ceived myſelf ſo prettily poetical, that
I heartily forgave the gloom which at
firft occafioned it, and in high good-
humour with myself, re-afcended the
ftair-cafe.
CHAP.
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 105
CHA P. LI.
I now laid down with perfect refigna--
tion on the bed, till I might really hear
fomebody ſtirring: but as having no in-
clination to ſleep, becauſe I had nothing
to do (which is however no uncommon :
excuſe for indolence) I refolved to em-
ploy the period, in which I was thus
fhut up from fociety, in ſketching a
fcheme of life, and laying a plan for my.
conduct in the capital..
Oh imagination, imagination, what
a forceress
A
what a witch art thou!
1
How dost thou take reafon by the hand,
leading her through all thy lovely wil--
derness of mazes; now into the receffes
of the ſhade, now into the avenues of
funfhine-ftill intricate-ftill entertain- -
ing-till the youthful adventurer puz-
zled as pleaſed in the purfuit, preffes »
onward.
F 5.
106 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
*
onward with too enterprizing a step, till
thou leaveft him, on a fudden—a miſ-
guided ſtranger in a Fairy Land.
Surely fancy never promifed plea-
fanter fcenes, or painted more delight-
ful figures, than at this moment, danced
before me, in all the luxury, and deco-
ration of romance!
*
Thou art now, faid I, Benignus, in
the capital of the British world; a'for-
tune to accommodate, with a heart to be- -
Stow-fome little difcernment to fee,
and much health to enjoy. But pr'ythee
now, my good lad, treafure up the hints
which have been given thee, learn wif-
dom from the wife, and get underſtand-
ing from experience. Already haft
thou feen fomething worth memoran-
dum: Extract uſeful morals from the
whole. Thus runs the catalogue: thou-
haft ſeen in the grocer, that ſelfiſhneſs is,
at beft, but a dirty, fordid road to
hap-
}
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 107
1
happinefs; and in Blewitt, that benevo-
l'ence fhould condefcend to be guided by
difcretion. In Greaves behold the gold-
en characters of fenfibility and economy
-of. tenderness, difciplined by pru-
dence, of bounty regulated by reafon.
The manners of thy villagers may ferve
to fhew thee, that thou wilt meet with
much difcontent-miftake, and rude-
nefs in thy migrations. The man who
travels, muft pay for his curiofity. In
thy curate thou mayft fee that the fyf-
tem of philofophic patience is not proof
againſt a fooliſh fpark from a tobacco-
pipe; and in the ways of thy earlier
play-mates, thou obferveft, that he who
endeavours to do a great deal. of good,
must have fortitude enough to bear
calmly a great deal of mortification.
Epre-warned, therefore, fore-armed; be
that thy maxim.. A&t with deliberation:
thou haft already met, even fince thy
F 6
arrival!
108 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
arrival in London ftrange matters-an
obftinatè coachman; a lady of diſtincti-
on without any fettled habitation; and
a woman ftrolling intoxicated through.
the street at ten o'clock. Prepare thy-
ſelf, therefore, for oddities of all forts.
Keep honeft prudence ever before you,
and as thou journeyeft along, efteem
ber as the fafeft monitor of thy youth..
Be very cautious, and be very happy.
This well-connected and folid chain:
of argument, put me in fuch high ſpirits,
and made me (in my own conceit) fo
very clever a fellow, I could lie no long-
er; but, fpringing from the bed with
the agility of a man, delighted with a
flattering idea, I danced about the room.
as light as a feather; and ſeriouſly be-
lieving, I was now a match for all the
artifices of the world, I cared not how
foon I fallied forth to encounter them.
3
By
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
rog
By this time, my watch pofitively de-
clared it was eight o'clock, and I began
again to liften, whether the morning
had yet commenced in London. I heard
a foot moving foftly upon the ſtairs:
there was ſomething focial in the found,
and in going towards it,. I. faw. the
maids, cautiously defcending with their
fhoes in one hand, and candleſticks in
the other. As I paſſed by them, they
ftared, as if to fatisfy themſelves, whe--
ther it was really the ftrange gentleman,
or the ftrange gentleman's apparition.
A ftrange gentleman affuredly they
thought me,. for upon-afking how long
it would be before breakfaſt, and that,
with the beft-natured accent in the
world, they replied with great aſtoniſh-
ment-breakfast, fir! why it is but a
little paſt eight o'clock-O -an't it, faid
I-(wiſhing not to ſeem a greater fool
than neceffary)-an't it, my dear; I
declare,
110 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
1
declare, I fuppoſed it might be almoſt
nine!-Nine, fir, anfwered the other
maid-would you pleaſe to breakfaſt ſo
Joon as nine then ?-No-no child, I re-
plied, I will wait till your ladies get up.
That will be 'twixt twelve and one, cried
the girl. She now quite did for me,
and I went fneaking up the ftairs a
third time, feeling the ridicule of my
own figure, and repeating the words
twelve and one, with aftonifhing, em-
phaſis at every ftep, infomuch that, as
I mounted in the climax, I abfolutely
ftamped again: .and thus difturbed the
family, by ringing the changes upon
twelve and one.
Well, faid I, fhutting the door, this
is a pleaſant exiftence truly-why, for
ought I fee, a man's life, in this town,
ſhould be eſtimated, rather by the num
ber of nights than days: fifty years out
of the threefcore and ten, of a London
life,
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
life, are paſſed between the blankets—ſ。
that, allowing, upon an average, ten
more to dreffing, undreffing, eating and
drinking-two to fauntering, five to fick-
nefs, and two, to paying, and receiving
vifits, there remains but the folitary
unite either to be good or happy. Hea-
ven help me! I am afraid I have got
in a ſtrange family; for it can never be,
that this great feat of trade and pleaſure,
ſhould be fuch a dreadful dormitory as
that comes to-No-no—I have hit
upon the fact, Mrs. Darlington's is a par-
ticular family, and contains a very
heavy-headed tribe. Be this as it may,
I will have at leaſt the prudence to hold
my tongue, whatever ufe I make of my
eyes. Indeed I will be cautious in every
thing: faying this, I applied once more
to the window for entertainment; and
ſeeing a poor fellow at that time fitting
down in the fquare to breakfaſt on a
dirty
112 LIBERAL OPINIONS..
dirty piece of bread, I involuntary
opened the faſh to aſk what objection
he had to-butter?. None-faid the poor
creature no objection in the world, fir
-but I am a child of forrow-and had:
not lady Pamper's dog,, (that lives at
yon great houſe) objected to this piece-
of bread,, I ſhould not have had any
breakfaſt, bad is better than no̟ne, you
know, fir. I have refolved to be cau--
tious, friend,, faid I, but I fee you are
hard pinched, and fo-there's a fhil-
ling for you. I cloſed the window,.
priding myſelf upon having diſplayed:
that true medium betwixt bounty and
profufion, in giving one fhilling inſtead
of two. Yes, yes, faid 1, I fee there.
is nothing like it—a cautious man, is an
excellent chara&er.
A
CHAP..
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 113
CHA P. LII.
In theſe reflections I indulged myfelf
till about ten minutes past twelve, when
a footman, with a bunch of twiſted
papers at his ears, came to acquaint me,
that the ladies were waiting tea for me in
the library. I obeyed this fummons with
pretty much that fort of joy which a
prifoner might be fuppofed to feel on
receipt of an unexpected reprieve.
Mrs. Darlington and her niece were
feated at an elegant tea-table, at which,
a fuperb ſervice of plate and china were
exhibited. The tea was meaſured from
a filver canniſter, and poured from a
golden urn-but the noon tide fun came
rather too rudely into the room-that
odious light puts out one's eyes, ex-
claimed the matron-lower the blinds,
Alicia. Good day to you, ladies, ſaid
L
14 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
I, if it is not too foon: I unluckily aimed
at humour, in this falutation. Why it
is rather too foon, exclaimed the young
lady, to call it day already; but you
country 'fquires always rife, I think, with
the lark, and go to bed with the crow-
is not that the maxim? Pray draw a chair,
coufin, faid Mrs. Darlington :-never
mind that noify thing, but fit down and
get your breakfaſt. Lord, coufin, re-
plied Alicia, what do you call this!
Gemini crimini! what have you got
here?-fhe lifted up the fkirt of my
coat, which had been the work of a
rural taylor, and was not; (it feems)
quite ridiculous enough for the London
taſte. This really won't do, Benignus,
continued mifs Darlington: I hope you
refted agreeably, coufin, faid Mrs.
Darlington-But I fee, my good reader;
there will be no end of your fays I's,
L
+
and.
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 115
and fays he's in this cafe-fo I'll e'en
throw the breakfaſt-converfation into
dialogue.
Alicia. It's a lovely fine morning,
Benignus!
Mrs. D.
What will you do with
yourſelf after breakfaſt, couſin ?
Alicia. Do you drink ſugar?
Mrs. D. I fuppoſe you will fmile at
our cream?
Alicia. Shall I make your tea pretty
fweet?
曾
​Mrs. D. I hope you will make a long
"ftay with us?
Alicia. I dare fay, you admire the
country?
Mrs. D. You don't eat, couſin ?
.
A
Alicia. Do you find your tea agreea-
ble, coufin?
Mrs. D. I am afraid you breakfaſt
too late?
Thefe
116 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
Thefe interefling questions all paft,
and repaft, like the rebounds of battle-
door and fhuttle-cock, in about the
fpace of one minute; fo that, in at-
tempting to reply to each, I was kept
in a continual ftutter, now directing
myfelf to the aunt, and now to the
niece. At last came on an interval,
which I did not fail to fill up, by in-
forming the ladies, in a confuſed-man-
ner, by way of general anfwer: that I
refted well, it was indeed a fine morning
-I drank fugar-did not propofe Aay-
ing long-liked the country-perhaps,
upon trial, might like London better-
would take the cream juft as I found
it, but did not chooſe to eat any thing.
at prefent.
While I was thus fpeaking with a tre-
mulous voice, the old lady flanted her
head till her right ear was exactly
brought parallel to my mouth; and
Alicia
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 117
Alicia was biting her lips, and catching
her breath, as if labouring to fubdue
the hickup. What does my coufin fay,
Alicia? cried Mrs. Darlington, ſtill re-
maining on the flope-what is he talk-
ing about? Alicia then, with a very
grave face, and moſt audible force, re-
cited the fubftance of my fpeech. I
now found that Mrs. Darlington was de-
fective in the faculty of hearing; fhe
was indeed fo extremely deaf, as ſcarce to
understand the notes of her niece, which
I had afterwards reafon to believe, were
in no degree wanting in thrillnefs.
When Mrs. Darlington, therefore,
dealt forth her interrogotaries, they
were intended only as a proper quan-
tum of that inoffenfive chit-chat, well
adapted to the 'tea-table, and juſt as
agreeably infipid as the tea itſelf. And
'as the 'never heard one fyllable, of the
pertinent 'queftions with which 'mifs
Alicia
118 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
Alicia plied me, fhe imagined her in-
quiries to run thus: What will you do
with yourſelf after breakfaſt, my dear
coufin? As you are fo great an admirer
of the country, I fear at firft, the time
will hang heavy on your hands in town.
You will fimile at our dignifying water
and milk, with the name of cream; and
as you don't eat, I am afraid we break-
faſt too late for your uſual time.--Now
thefe fentences (with little momentary
pauſes between) would have been
pleafing enough: and to do Mrs. Dar-
lington juſtice, it muſt be confeffed fhe
did make at leaſt a comma at each;
but Alicia, who was both a wit, and a
wag, ran her notes of interrogation, fo
rapidly between, that fhe not only
deſtroyed her aunt's ftops, and my en-
deavours to anfwer, but played upon
the imperfection of Mrs. Darlington,
made me fit as if I was labouring under
a vio-
LIBERAL
OPINIONS. 119
1
J
a violent impediment, and confounded
the whole converfation. Nor was this
all: Alicia fpeaking provokingly in
a low voice, could not be heard
in any degree by the poor lady,
nor in her prefent oblique poſture
could this fun-loving Alicia, be
even feen; for Mrs. Darlington was
fitting on a contrary fide of the chair,
very attentively waiting my replies. It
is more than poffible, that Mrs. Dar-
lington fuppofed I was actually making
my refponfes very regularly, and that,
upon principles of politeneſs, ſhe ra-
ther bore the mortification of lofing
every fyllable, than give a ftranger to
her infirmity the trouble of repeating
his fentiments. She was a woman of
real faſhion, and the inftant fhe under-
ſtood from her rogueifh interpreter, that
I defigned to employ my morning in
taking a tranfient furvey of the town,
£
fhe
1
120 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
ſhe ſaid her coach was now, and would
always be at my fervice; but when ſhe
found I choſe walking, fhe directed her
footman to order Benjamin to attend
me, adding, that, againſt my next ex-
curfion fhe would fee out amongſt her
young friends for a more ſuitable com-.
panion. This advance of friendſhip re-
inftated her in my eſteem. I pitied her
misfortune, and began again to think
ſhe was the best natured woman breath-
ing. Of the young lady, however, I
made a memorandum, and fet her
down in the volume of extraordinaries.
In fomething less than a quarter of an
hour after the tea-things were removed,
a young fellow of a florid complexion,
with his hair curling in his neck, came
to inform me Mr. Abrahams would
wait upon me in five feconds. Mr.
Abrahams, was the fteward of, Mrs.
Darlington's eftates, and had great ſhare
alfo
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 121
alfo in the management of her domeftic
affairs; and my cousin, willing to ac-
commodate me in the best manner,
went out herfelf to order the faid
Steward, rather than a common menial
adherent, to attend me. At the time
this meffage was brought me, Alicia
and I were looking over the books, with
the titles of every one of which (nume-
rous as they were) fhe appeared to be
acquainted; the perufed the bearer of
this meffage, as accurately as poffible,
the moment he entered; and indeed
he was a very proper ſubject for female
criticism.
Mr. Benjamin-for Benjamin it was,
-was the nephew of this Mr. Abra-
hams-the footman out of livery to Mrs.
Darlington-and the favourite of Mrs.
Darlington's niece. He was now ha-
bited in a light green coat and waiſtcoat,
neat buck-ſkin breeches, brown thread
VOL. II.
G
flock-
122 LIBERAL OPIN
OPINIONS.
ftockings, a ruffled fhirt, fhining fhoes,
and filver buckles. Nor were other ne-
ceffary appendages wanting; fuch as an
hazle ſwitch, headed with a piece of
ivory, in his hand; a cravat, which,
with a narrow edging, and tied careleſsly,
adorned his neck—a garnet breaſt-
buckle in the form of a heart, and a
bunch of baubles depending from his
watch; in a word, he might very well
have paffed for a young nobleman,
whoſe paffions, gravitating towards the
kennel and the ftable, had juſt come to
London for the day, on purpoſe to have
the pleaſure of riding home to-morrow ;
chiefly for the fupreme exploit of telling
his acquaintances how many ſcore of
miles. he can ride betwixt fun-riſe and
Sun-Set.
As Alicia feemed to pay fome fort of
reſpect to him, I inclined my head, at
his entrance, rather nearer the earth
than
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
123
than was neceffary; or indeed, to ſpeak
more properly, I was rather more polite
than the eſtabliſhed laws of fubordina-
tion preſcribe: for, having nothing about
his dreſs that marked his real ſtation (ex-
cept a broad fringe of filver that furround-
ed the button of his hat, which I did not
directly take notice of, the hat being
then under his arm), he might as eafily
be miſtaken for my lord himself, as my
lord's favourite jockey. Mr. Benjamin
was, however, I find my lady's gentle-
man; and a ſmart, tight, taking lad he
was, as ever came a volunteer into the
honourable ſervice. Which way do
you intend to ramble, faid Alicia,
ſpeaking to me, and looking at Benja-
min? Through the Park, miſs, I an-
fwered-for no other reafon, but becauſe
it was the only place I could venture to
talk about, without danger of feeling
her wit. Tell your uncle then, Ben-
G 2
I be-
1
124 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
I believe indeed ſhe might fay Mr.Ben—
uncle he muſt go with my
coz. through St. James's, fo then up by
Weſtminſter-Abbey, and fo then by the
Houſe of Lords, and fo then home by
Pall Mall; you'll return by dinner,
Benignus? If poffible faid I-looking
ſeriouſly at my watch-if poffible, but
pray don't let me wait; you ſee it is
now, one o'clock-fo that I am afraid I
can't promife-Why not, cried Alicia,
why not, you have four hours good, and
the deuce is in it, if you will not have
had enough for one day, long enough
before then? I had totally forgot again
the new regulation of times and feaſons;
albeit I made the best of my miſtake:
then you dine at five, coufin? Soon
after it, ſaid ſhe. Very well, I rejoined,
then you may depend on me, and if Mr.
Benjamin will go fee for his uncle, I
will fet off di———————
tell your uncle he muſt
CHAP.
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 125
CHA P. LIII.
Di-rectly, would have been pro-
nounced, had not the two laſt fyllables
of that word, been cut off, by the ap-
pearance of Mr. Abrahams himſelf.
This ferious perfonage was altogether
different, both in look and dreſs, from
his nephew Mr. Benjamin; being rather
fwarthy, than fair, and formal than
fpruce. Now then, young fir, if you
pleafe, faid he, not much in the tone of
a domeftic- now, let us make bay,
while the fun ſhines,-with all my heart
Mr. Abrahams, I replied, for we are
fomething late. Better late than never,
faid the ſteward-mifs Alicia your hum-
ble fervant; Benjamin, I underſtand
from my lady, thee art to follow us.
Ben bowed, Alicia curtfied, Abrahams
bent his neck, as if he hated compli-
G 3
ment,
}
126 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
ment, (that is to pay it) and I, went ſcrap-
ing like a ſchool-boy, out of the room.
And now it was that the expreflion of
Mr. Greaves became forcibly exem-
plified; for, " curiofity indeed, paid
the debt to furrounding fplendour;"
my eyes and heart were immediately
taken captive, and led, not unwillingly,
in the pleaſing chains of inexhauſted
novelty. I walked amid the ambition
of buildings, and the clatter of carri-
ages, as if under enchantment; and at
the entrance of the Mall (which was on
that day, crouded with company), I did
not think that the paradife of Mahomet
could be more elegantly diſplayed: for
here, beauty, wealth, and elegance,
were on all fides exhibited, and what
chiefly pleaſed me, was the appearance
of fatisfaction that crowned the whole.
The dreſs and difcourfe of every party
might be various, but happiness, feemed
to
T
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 127
to be uniform: an ill tempered man
would here have loft his errand, and
gone home diſappointed: the ladies.
were fprightly, and fmiling; the gen-
tlemen were affable, and gallant; youth
and age appeared equally to be de-
lighted, and my heart fo fympathized
and expanded, at the view of fo many
hundreds of my fellow-creatures focial
and agreeable, that I could not help
catching Mr. Abrahams by the hand,
and in the genuine effufions of tranfport,
exclaiming, Heaven and earth! my
dear, what a joyful profpect, is this! A
joyful profpect, quoth the fteward-
Alack!—alack, fir!-much cry, and
little wool,-all is not gold that glit-
ters—fronti nulla fides.-Benjamin, an't
that there fellow, who laughs ſo loud,
along with the woman there, in a blue
fack, the poor devil who came with a
diamond ring for me to buy the other
G 4
day
128 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
day-verily, I think it's he.-Yes fir,
faid Benjamin, 'tis he, fure enough-
Why he looks the merrieft of the whole
groupe, faid I.-That very fcoundrel,
replied Abrahams, is the moſt notori-
ous black-legs in town; he has ruined
his whole family, and is twenty thou-
fand pounds in debt. Mercy upon us!
faid Benjamin, lifting up his hands!-
mercy upon us! Heigho! fighed I-
who would think it? Ah! ha! cried
Benjamin foftly, yet with fome emotion,
there he is, by gingo!-Here he
plucked me gently by the ſleeve, aſking
me, in a whiſper, if I took notice of a
young woman on one of the benches,
and if I did not think ſhe was the most
bandfomeft creature I had ever ſeen,
fince I had eyes in my head? The latter
part of this queſtion, was uttered rather
warmly, fo that before I had time to
anfwer it, Abrahams turned about,
and
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 129
vant.
and Benjamin (who all along kept awe-
ful diſtance) flunk behind. We now
paſt by a perſon, whom Mr. Abrahams
faluted very obfequiouſly, calling him
his honour, inquiring after his family,
and profeffing himſelf at parting, his
moft obedient, and eternally devoted fer-
That muſt be a moſt reſpectable
character thought I to myſelf; and I
long to know him: Pray Mr. Abra-
hams, what worthy gentleman was that,
you shook by the hand-A worthy gen-
tleman, fir! replied Abrahams; as er-
rant a rafcal as any in the three king-
doms-burning the candle at both
ends-has got fix fons-muft come all
to the pariſh-and is, at this very time,
in treaty with an honest man, who has
faved up a trifle by induftry, to ſupply
him with a cool thouſand upon the laſt
mortgage. And fo then, (thought I)
well-bred perfons it feems, are the most
G 5
obedient
130 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
obedient and eternally devoted ervants
of the erranteft raſcal in the three king-
doms; and to fhew their politenefs the
more eminently, will even ſhake this
identical rafcal by the hand, with the
fame cordiality, that they would em-
brace a very honeft fellow.
By this time we had got to the top of
the Park, and having now had a view
of the gayer parts of the town, I ex-
preffed a defire to walk rather into
fome of the ftreets of buſineſs, than
into the gloom of Weſtminſter-Abbey:
A wiſh which the fteward gladly obeyed,
obferving that, trade was the thing, and
that every other point upon earth was
traſh and flaſh, and flummery, and non-
fenfe, and nothing at all. Benjamin
feemed much to wifh we would take
another turn down, the Mall, but per-
ceiving his uncle againſt it, dared not
hefitate; though I could plainly per-
$
ceive
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 131
ceive the poor lad's heart was upon one
of the benches.
Accordingly we plunged into the
great fcenes of buſineſs, and had no
fooner got within Temple-bar, than the
contraft became fo vifible, that the
building appeared to be the boundary
of a different world, inhabited by a dif-
ferent race of mortals. A ſtep of dif-
patch, an eye of attention, and a face
of care, diftinguished almoſt all we
met, from almoft all we had left. If
one neighbour met another, he took
him haftily by the hand, nodded his
head, and preffed eagerly forward:
whereas, on the contrary, I obſerved
parties in the Park, faunter indolently
along, or form themfelves into little
focieties, and fometimes hold a long
converfation. Here alfo, the beast,
feemed to fhare the impatience of the
man; the very horſes, as if animated
G 6
by
132 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
}
·
-by the general hurry, were either vigo-
rouſly toiling in the car, or bounding
along with the coach: even death was
difregarded; and the hearfes rolled
befide us with all the fprightlineſs of
bridal chariots; nay, I beheld a fellow
running a-crofs the way, with a coffin
over his fhoulder; and heard him at
the fame time curfe a ſcavenger, who
obftructed his way.
?
Abrahams jogged on with the utmoſt
indifference, except that now and then,
he faid, he wiſhed Mrs. Darlington lived
in the city, and that he thought Thames-
ſtreet infinitely preferable to all the
jumble of St. James's. At laſt he dif-
patched Benjamin with an errand, firſt
afking my permiffion. The errand
luckily happened to lie at Charing-
crofs; and Benjamin, either out of af-
fection he bore his uncle, or fome other
perfon, ran forward as faft as his legs
could
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 133
could carry him. I now took a peep
into the shops, in every window of which
was diſplayed a moderate fortune. Every
thing that could give tafte to attracting
trifles, or decorations to that which was
actually neceffary; all that could ac-
commodate the perfon with convenience,
with luftre, and with magnificence, lay
open to the eye. The agreeable and
glittering temptations were indeed fo
artfully difpofed, and fo fkilfully had
Invention varied her trinkets, that the
paffenger was irreſiſtibly invited to lay
out his money; and yet Abrahams, fel-
dom turned his head, even to look at
them. I was much captivated by the
glafs-cafe of a jeweller, when, ftopping
to look over the fplendid toys which it
contained, I aſked the ſteward if he
was not amazed to fee fo many pretty,
ſhewy contrivances? Not at all amazed,
anſwered he, fir, to ſee them, but very
much
134 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
much, amazed to think there are any
people weak and ignoramus enough to
buy them; but, as I always faid, a fool
and his money is foon parted. There
was a little box however, which parti
cularly pleaſed me, and which I was
refolved to purchaſe, in defiance of all
the proverbs of Solomon or Abrahams;
I went into the fhop, while Abrahams,
ftood grinning at the door, as much as
to fay, he did not like the buſineſs.
The trader was one of the neatest, beft
fpoken, obliging beings that ever hopped
round a counter; his face was exceed-
ing pale, and made ftill paler by the
powder on his pate, which was rather
flat than oval, but there was a gaiety
in his eyes (even though they were
grey), which compenfated for fomething
of deadneſs, in the rest of his counte-
nance. He drew out the glaſs adroitly,
and gave me, with flippant affability,
the
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 135
the hiſtory and intent of every bauble.
I was really quite taken with the man's
politeffe; and though I had no fort of
intention to buy more than the little
box, yet he fo clearly proved to me the
indifpenfible neceffity and uſe of ſeveral
articles, of which I never before had
an idea, or indeed knew that the world
contained in it any fuch articles, that,
in less than twenty minutes, this cour-
teous jeweller abfolutely talked me out
of feven guineas and a half. I made
purchaſe of a ſhining chain for my watch,
which the trader protefted was the moſt
delicate workmanship in the three kingdoms
I bought two cryſtal feals, becauſe
he very properly obſerved, that a good
chain ought to have handſome appendages,
in the fame manner as a good houſe
ought to have handſome furniture. I
bought a filver tooth-pick cafe, becauſe
he faid no gentleman was without one,
and,
136 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
and, befides, they looked mighty pretty
in the hand after dinner: thefe, with
my box, completed my marketings,
with which I departed, and as I went
out of the door, informed Mr. Abra-
hams (with fomewhat of triumph in the
tone of my voice) of my bargain, aſking
him at the fame time, if he did not
think I had them a pennyworth?
A pennyworth, fir!-cried the fte-
ward, (fneering up his upper-lip, till
it touched the tip of his nofe, and
twitching up the waiſtband of his
breeches with infinite difdain, though
not fo as to tear them) a pennyworth!
-Every man knows his own buſineſs
beft-Some fave, and fome do not fave
-many refervoirs-many fountains-
Don't you think them cheap then, faid
I? The Lord knows, fir, anſwered
Abrahams-What's cheap to one, may
be dear to another, you know-Many
men,.
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 137
men, many minds-But what do you
think-rejoined I?-Think-replied
the ſteward, raiſing his voice about four
notes, think-Why I think— but I
don't nevertheleſs prefume to judge for
you-yet I ſay, I think I would look at
the trumpery once, and my feven golden
guineas feven and twenty thousand
thousand times, before I would part
with a braſs happeny for all the things
in the rafcal's fhop; for not a thing
there can I fee that a reaſonable man
has any fort of occafion for. Why, I
have lived in this fame London, now
fir, eight and forty years, and better
than forty-eight,-have ſeen all the
catch-penny conundrums that ever were
invented to take people in, and yet I
never laid out a crooked fix pence upon
any of them; and, what's better ſtill,
I hope (with God's grace) I never fhall;
for, between you and I, fir, thoſe ſhew-
away
138 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
away fellows are mere pick-pockets,
mere pick-pockets-rafcals that live by
Snatch and catch and will have one
hand in your fob, as I may fay, while
t'other is ſqueezing you out a welcome
-No, fir-folid buſineſs-merchandize,
brokerage, and fuch fair and Square
dealings, are the things for me.
The ftructure of St. Paul's now com-
manded my notice, and I looked at it
as worthy the Deity to whom it was
devoted; and the Apoftle (faid I to
Abrahams) whofe name it bears, might
not bluſh to preach in it. It is a vast
piece of work, to be fure, anſwered the
fteward, cautiouſly pulling out his
watch, and regulating it by the dial,
but I never was nearer it than I am
now I am pretty right I believe -- If
you chooſe to fee the infide, I will at-
tend you to the warder, and wait at the
door till you return. And is it poffible,
faid
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 139
faid I, that you could be ſo many years
in town, and let fuch an edifice as this
eſcape you? Very poffible, he replied,
that I fhould efcape, as you call it, this
edifice, and every other of the like
kind; for I never fet my foot within
a church fince I was born. No!-cried
I, in aſtoniſhment. No, replied the
ſteward, never, indeed. Doctors and
doctrines differ you know, fir-In this
town there are many religions-Many
religions, Mr. Abrahams !—I mean,
faid Abrahams, many ways of being re-
ligious-But ſurely, the eſtabliſhed pro-
teftant, faid I!-Eſtabliſhed fiddleſtick,
quoth Abrahams (prudently depofiting
his watch into his fob, as he heated in
his argument)-what matters it whe-
ther I chooſe to perform my journey on
horfe-back, or on foot, by this road,
or by that? So as I get to the inn at
laft, that's enough. What's that to
you?
140 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
A
you? under favour, fir-What's that to
you? I'll tell you what, young gentle-
man, churches and chapels are all a
joke; a man may be as much in the
way of working out his falvation as he
walks along the streets, as if he was
to wear out the knees of his breeches by
prayer. Faith and good works-hope
and charity. Good works, above all
things, that's the point-that's the creed
-that's little He-that's falvation, fir!
-The drops of difputation began to
ftart in his forehead, and he collected
as much wind into his mouth as he pof-
fibly could, that he might cool his fer-
ment with a whew-I looked at him.
without fpeaking, becauſe I really did
not know what to fay. He had not,
indeed, yet done, for though the prefs
of people began fuddenly to be ſevere,
this good man, in fpite of fweat or
fqueezing, muttered forth feveral heavy
farcafms
LIBERAL OPINION S. 141
farcafims against pulpits, parfons, churches,
and chapels; ſtill infifting that good works
alone, would fave the foul. Though I
did not extremely reliſh Mr. Abrahams'
fyftem, yet I honoured him for his prin-
ciple, as to good works, and began to
believe, that, however he might be mif-
taken, in fome of his maxims, his grand
tenet was right, and might poffibly
make him a benevolent member of fo-
ciety.
CHA P. LIV.
We had juſt difentangled ourſelves
from the croud, when the fteward per-
ceived he had loft one of his fhoe-
buckles a difcovery which produced
much agitation, and a refolution (with
my leave) to hunt after it, when the
people were diſperſed; by which means
>
fays
142 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
>
fays he, at leaft, I fhall perhaps obtain
Some part of it. I reprefented to him:
the little likelihood of this. Sir, replied:
he, with a rueful tone and gefture,
pointing to his foot-fir, don't you ſee
that it is filver-Silver, fir, folid filver,
as I hope to be faved! and thirteen
years ago, the pair cost me nine fhil-
lings and fix pence. I shan't be able
to anſwer it to my confcience if I don't
fee after it; beſides, I had rather ſpend
a pound than lofe a penny. Very true,
faid I, Mr. Abrahams, I fee you have
fo many strong arguments in your fa-
vour, that we will wait till the coaſt is
a little clear, and then, for conſcience
fake, I will affift you in the ſearch.
Mean time, fir, (faid Abrahams, highly
pleaſed with my condeſcenſion) ſuppoſe
you were to amuſe yourſelf in that book-
feller's fhop (where you may look over
all the books, fuch is the convenience
of
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 143
of a lounging place, without laying out
any thing) while I will keep my ground,
and fee that nobody ſtoops to take up
my buckle, and fo march off with my
property-There are fharpers, fir, at
every corner of this town; and un-
luckily, there is more gape about this
curfed fpot, with pictures on the one
fide, and a damned great lumbering
building, (God forgive me!) on the
other, than at any quarter of the whole
city. He now ftood, fixed as a rock,
and vigilant as a lynx; while I, pur-
fuing his advice, fauntered into the ſhop
of a bookfeller.
There are feveral places in this me-
tropolis, (and indeed all over this king-
dom), particularly adapted to encourage
idlenefs. A bookfeller's, a barber's, a
chandler's, and a milliner's; and thefe,
both in London and in the country,
are immemorially famous for fheltering
thoſe
144 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
thoſe people who have little to do, and
much to fay. Hence we conftantly find
them filled and frequented by indolents.
of all denominations. Half-pay officers,
gentlemen who live, as they term it,
on their means, and gentlemen who
live upon ways, without any means at
all; ladies who fet the faſhions, ladies
who follow the faſhions, and ladies who
only love to fee and talk about the fa-
fhions, without any power to do more
than hobble in the train, at an humble,
imitative diſtance: thefe are connected
with the milliner. The barber and the
chandler, for the vulgar; and the book-
feller, for the lazy, the learned, and the
laborious.
There were feveral of this kind of
cuſtomers in the fhop when I went in,
and two or three people really making
purchaſes. Seeing bufinefs on foot,
and a chair empty, I fat down, and ran
my
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 145
my eye over a pamphlet that laid upon
the counter. Pray Mr. Luton, faid
one of the cuſtomers, holding a book
in his hand, does this do any thing?
Why not much, fir, it moves but flowly.
Ay, ay, feftina lente, faid the other-
the fellow has a pretty knack at novels,
I think. I don't much admire his poetry.
Oh, execrable, replied Luton; he is a
mere blockhead at verſe, though I ven-
tured to give ſomething for his Mifcel-
lanies. Did they do?-Very well for
the paſtry-cook, I believe, rejoined
Luton-I fold them by the lump to the
man yonder he had the whole impref-
fion for feven and fix pence,-yet, as
they were upon the luſcious order, and
therefore likely to run through the li-
-braries, I ftruck off a thoufand: hor-
ridly taken in, to be fure; but it's all
a lottery, all a lottery, fir.-Well, re-
plied the cuſtomer, I'll take thefe
VOL. II.
Pope's,
H
146 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
Pope's, and when you get any thing
tolerable, do let me know-Oh-pray,
Mr. Luton, how did your four volumes
of Moral Philofophy, by Dabbleall, go
off? He is a doer of all works, me-
thinks, and the fellow has certainly a
turn. Ay, cried Luton, that may be,
but I have turned him off, for all that.
He is dull, fir, devilish dull, dull as
orthodoxy. I declare to you, his Phi-
loſophy has not yet paid advertiſements :
1 told him it was too much in the old
ſtyle-God, God, God; nothing but
God and goodness, and go to church, and
go to bed early, through the whole
Says I to him, now pray, my dear Mr.
Dabbleall, be a little heterodox, a little
out of the way, now do; don't go off,
in the old report, with a moral at your
head, and a proverb at your ae, I
beſeech you don't. You know, people
ſleep over theſe mighty good fort of writ-
ings,
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
147
ings. A touch of the Tabernacle, for
Heaven's fake, my dear Dab.
Well, and what faid he, cried the
buyer, preparing to go out? Said he,
rejoined Mr. Luton, fternly, why he
faid nothing. I might as well have en-
deavoured to drive an hackney beyond
his houſe of call, as that mule of a fel-
low out of his track. No, fir, no: he
wrote obftinately on, ftringing together
his damned collection of morals, into
four volumes 8vo. and preachifying,
till he piouſly picked my pocket of above
a hundred and fifty guineas; befides
the twenty, (here he caught the gentle-
man by the wrift), I generally gave him
for the copy before the firft volume was
worked off. But, heaven be praiſed,
I have wafhed my hands of him, and
fo he and his devotion may go to the
devil together.This is a ftrange town,
cried the gentleman, that can neither
H 2
be
148 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
1
Here,
be pleaſed with religion, or bawdry-
Not at all, replied Luton, not at all,
fir; it is the happy mixture of both
together a little of both, delicately
dafhed, that does the bufinefs.
here's a little fellow now (taking a book
from a ſhelf behind him) here's a lad
knows how to tickle up the town to a
tittle knows how to feel the pulfe of
the public to a nicety. Lookee, fir,
pointing to the title page, fifth edition,
with additions, and came out only the
beginning of the winter-every thing
he writes runs like wildfire, he has fuch
a way of wrapping the thing up-fuch a
a-a-a, fir, method of mixing the ho-
ney with the fting-fuch a-a knack at
playing off the paffions-Oh Lord, fir,
he is a ſpecial journeyman, indeed;
ay, and works reaſonably-but I beg
pardon, my cuſtomers I fee are waiting;
-Mr. Queriſt, your very humble fer-
vant,
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
149
-
vant, fir. Good morrow to you, fiid
the gentleman, and went out. He now
ferved other people, and they going
away likewife, I was juft rifing from
my chair to converfe with Mr. Luton,
when a tall, ſpare figure came ftalking
into the fhop, taking out of his bofom
a large packet, and prefenting it to the
bookfeller. There is volume the firft,
cried the ſpectre. In God's name, Mr.
Lemuel, faid Luton, (cafting his eye at
a chafm in his breeches, which I believe
might originally have been whiteifh),
why do you come out in the day-time?
You know the credit of me and my
ſhop, and every body knows your trade
in a twinkle.. This was delivered in a
fort of half-whiſper, articulating as it.
were grinningly, through the teeth.
Sir, faid the author, (for fuch he was).
I was driven into this ftep, by a pre-
cipitate and particular neceflity; for my
H 3:
land-
}
150 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
landlord begins to mention the fubject
of arrears and rent to me, and there-
fore you will advance me the price of
this-laying his fable palm upon the
parcel-directly, becaufe the remarks
of mine hoft are not only pathetic, but
have therewith a tincture of the terrible.
What before the proofs are corrected,
cried Luton? That's out of the regular
channel, you know Mr. Lemuel; but,
as a matter of indulgence, and in con-
fideration of that aperture in your
breeches, I will come down half a gui-
nea, and truſt to your honour to go on
with the fame care, as if you had not
received a farthing. Men of letters
ought to be ſometimes encouraged; and
as I really believe you have a little out-
run the conftable in the purchaſe of that
laſt pair of ſhoes, I can't refuſe you:
there, fir. He told out ten fhillings
and fix pence, from a purfe which ap-
peared
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 151
peared to contain about fixty pounds,
and the petitioner (after having given a
written acknowledgment for the fum)
took it up, made his bow, and walked
away, without any difagreeable ſenti-
ment whatever. He was fcarce gope,
when another perfon, in a full trimmed.
fuit of black velvet, came ftrutting in-
to the fhop, with a look, tread, and
tone of great authority. Luton, faid
he, you muſt let me have three hun-
dred to-morrow: the Hiſtory will make
eight quarto volumes, and I will not
take fix pence less than 1501. each.
Really, fir, faid Luton, you put me to
a nonplush, I am quite out of cash-
have a large sum to make up for my
printer againſt the beginning of the
week-I wish therefore-A fig for
your wishes, fir, replied the demandant,
(elevating his head, and expanding his
cheft), fhall I have the money?-What
' time.
H
4.
152 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
time will you call in the city, fir, an-
fwered Luton, fneakingly-I call in the
city, Mr. Luton-What do you mean
by that? A conflagration confume the
city-Who's to run after you, hey? I
have a houfe I fuppofe, yes, and in a
Square, and I prefume you know too,
that there is a certain brazen intelli-
gencer upon the door, and I expect you
by eleven o'clock. I fay no more,-
but I expect, d-m-e I expect you!
So faying, he turned upon his heel,
threw his body of literature into a car-
riage, which was waiting for him at the
door, and left Luton to meditate upon
the three hundred pounds.
I now roſe a ſecond time, and defired
to fee the Magazines for the month :
while I was turning over theſe, Abra-
hams came in, begging me ten thoufand
pardons, and moſt bitterly complaining
that he had been groping almoſt upon
his
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 153
his hands and knees this hour, to no
manner of purpofe, for he could fee no
figns of his property; and that, hard
as it was, he muft e'en put up with the
lofs; and was ready to attend me to
dinner. I propofed going back in a
coach, to which Mr. Abrahams, con-
feffing himſelf heartily tired (and know-
ing poffibly that there would be no
great matter for. him to pay) readily
confented. I.purchaſed a pamphlet, a
coach was called, and we fet off for:
Mrs. Darlington's..
CHA P. LV...
About the middle of Fleet-ftreet,.
Abrahams happened to caft his eye up-
on the fhop of a filverfmith; and this
bringing ftrongly to mind the misfor-
tune of his buckle, he cried out with
fome emotion, what a pretty morning's
work:
H 5.
1
154 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
work have I made of it, indeed; yes,
yes, fine misfortunes, indeed-a buckle
too, that I have had fo long, and a
buckle of filver into the bargain, and
a buckle that might have been in the
fhoe of my Benjamin, when I am laid
low in my grave! Stop coachman,
ftop, faid I, fet us down here a minute.
I took the unhappy fteward by the
hand, and walked with him into the
fhop. If I thought I could match it
now, faid Abrahams, as he paffed to-
wards the door, I would certainly be
extravagant for once, though I believe I
have a pair of refpectable metal buckles
in the houſe too: he could, however,
find no fellow to that which was on his
foot; and truly, its fellow would not
very eaſily have been found in any ſhop
within the liberties of London: for, be-
fides that it was in fashion thirteen years
ago, it was fo exceffively fmall and thin,
with
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 155.
with the wear and tear of fo many hard
winters, that I apprehend a filver groat
would have turned the ſcale, and fairly
out-valued it.
Not being able, therefore, to provide.
a. companion for the old one, he thought
of bartering with it for a fecond hand
pair; and to this purpoſe he unbuckled,,
laid the folitary fervant upon the coun--
ter, and defired to know what it was.
worth, or rather, what he could allow
him in the exchange, fhould he choofe.
to become a purchaſer. As much as:
any body in the buſineſs, fir, ſaid the
filverfmith, and while I determine its.
value, perhaps, if you look over the
drawer on the other fide, you may fuit.
yourſelf; and depend upon it, you are:
come to the cheapest shop in town.. We:
examined a variety of fhewy goods, to
all of which Mr. Abrahams, the ftew-
ard, had but one objection, viz, that he
H.6-
was
>
156 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
was morally fure, the fellow would aſk
three times more than, as an honeſt
-
-
man, he ought; for, fir, fays he, draw-
ing up his jaws fignificantly, there is
no gueffing at the value of a buckle,
while theſe heavy tongs and anchors are
in them. Mean time the filverfmith
was employed, at the oppofite counter,
in weighing the old buckle, which he
prefently informed us came to feventeen
pence halfpenny. Seventeen pence
halfpenny! cried the fteward, (turning
fhort about, and twitching the fore-top
of his wig); why man, the pair coft
me nine fhillings and fix pence, and
they are as good as new.
There is a
buying and
great difference betwixt
felling, you know, fir, obferved the
trader, and there is nobody now will put
fuch a thing as this (turning the anchor
backwards and forwards) upon the foot.
Won't they? Why not pray, faid Abra-
hams,
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 157
*
hams, while the colour came flushing
over his cheek-bone-Why not,, hey?
It don't fignify difputing, fir, about
fuch a trifle, of which I have offered
you the full value, rejoined the trader;
and if you have a mind to take the
money, there it is if not, you are
welcome to the trouble you have given
me, and your buckle into the bargain.
I am, am I! What, after you have
bruis'd the anchors all to pieces, hey?
replied Abrahams. I thank you for
your love, but I am a man that knows
the world; an odd old bird, that knows
wheat from chaff: I'll have my buckle,
exactly as I gave it you, fir. What a
devil buſineſs had you to mangle my
property in this manner-in this way?
He ran on for ſeveral minutes, and at
laft afk'd, in a growling voice, what
would be the lowest price of the pair
hanging over the window? Why, faid
the fiverſmith, they are only plated,
were
!
158 LIBERAL OPINIONS..
were made many ages ago, and being
old ſtyle, will come cheap. Plated,
fneer'd Abrahams with ineffable con--
tempt; then, I fuppofe, inftead of fe-
venteen, you would not give me ſeven
pence, if I fhould choofe to diſpoſe of
them a twelvemonth hence? No, nor
feven farthings neither, faid the tradef
man, returning his fneer. Thou art a
very faucy fellow, rejoined the fteward,
and I would go with my fhoe-ftraps
about my heels to eternity, before I
would buy a pair of thee.
1
:
1.
As you
pleaſe, fir, faid the fmith; and, to tell
you the truth, I don't care how few of
fuch cuſtomers I have to my back.
Abrahams was huddling up his broken
filver (not forgetting the iron thereunto
belonging), and was bustling away in
high dudgeon, when I begg'd him to
ftop a moment. No, fir, anfwer'd he;
no, fir, I will wait for you in the coach,
•
but
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 159
but I will not ftay another fecond in
this ſhop, for all the furbish'd up ſtuff
it contains: fo faying, he went out.
grumbling and grinning in a moſt vio-
lent manner.
I now rewarded the pains of the fil-
verſmith, by purchafing a pair of neat
and new filver buckles, received his
thanks, with my goods, nicely wrapped.
up
in a piece of paper, and went forth-
with to the coach. I had not got my
foot upon the ſtep, before I heard Abra--
hams feverely chiding a woman who
had been fweeping the croffway with a
befom, for having the impudence to
defire alms, when ſhe had fo good a
trade in her hands; and when I do not
doubt, faid he, but you have extorted
more money from paffengers this very
morning, than would make good the
lofs of the filver buckle which I loft in
St. Paul's Church-Yard.
Indeed, fir,
cried
160 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
!
--
cried the woman, I have not taken but
one half-penny to day, though half a
thouſand folks have gone over my croſſing
without dufting their fhoes, and that
one was flirted at me by a young man
who wanted to fee if he could not hit
the old woman on the head, by fending
a halfpenny as he would play at taw,
and fo, wantonly-God bless him-jerkt
it at me from his finger and thumb, in
this manner; and, after all, fir, lookee,
it is but a Brum.. Do, therefore, dear,
good fir, for charity's fake.-Charity,
my b-k-de, ſaid Abrahams, pr'ythee
woman don't be troubleſome, go civilly
away, for I won't give thee a fous.
Coachman, drive on; faying this, he
drew up difdainfully one of the glaffes.
The poor woman really looks faint,
and, I think,. Mr. Abrahams, faid I,
we fhould fo far oblige her, as to throw
her a little copper;..and then, letting
**
down:
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 161
down the glafs, I gave her two-pencè.
As you like, exclaimed old Good
Works, as you like: I have loft enough,
fir, for one morning already. The
coach now proceeded, and Abrahams
fat fullenly fwelling in one corner, lean-
ing his arm againſt the left pannel,
chagrin'd much at the buckle, but more,
at what he call'd the faucinefs of the
feller of buckles. When I had feen
Mr. Abrahams exhibit his temper thus:
far, I was refolv'd, if poffible, to bring
him about a little, before I refign'd
him over to melancholy reflections in
his counting-houſe: and, in this man-
ner, I began to adminifter a falve for
all his fores. Mr. Abrahams, I think
myfelf much obliged to you for your
company in my rambles of the morn-
ing; but I cannot without concern re-
flect, that in procuring me this plea-
fure, it has been productive of your in-
convenience;
162 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
¡
convenience; and, as it has fo fallen
out, I muſt in fome degree infift upon
repairing it. The word repairing, like
ſudden ſunſhine in ftormy weather,
work'd wonders upon the features of
Abrahams, which, from the gloom of
wrathful wrinkles, became foften'd into
the moſt ſmiling fymptoms of compla
cence; and when I put the paper which
contain'd the buckles into his hand (re-
infifting upon his acceptance as a debt
due to him for his civility), he only
affected to refufe, that I might prefs
them the more eagerly upon him, and
fo give him a better opportunity to re-
ceive them, without exciting in my
breaft any fentiment to his difadvantage;
for Mr. Abrahams was a great obferver
of forms; and, although he was at the
bottom as felfish a mortal as could
poffibly exift, yet he took great care,
in general, to fave appearances, and
without,
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 163
without, in reality, ever doing a fingle
praiſe-worthy action, was generally
talk'd of as a very religious, knowing,
well-meaning, good kind of a man. He
took the buckles, and fo well con-
trived it, as to fix the obligation on my
fide; for, as he put them into his
pocket, he very gravely affured me,
that rather than affront me by a denial,
fuch was his regard, he would wear
the buckles, even though they came
from the fhop of the moft fcoun-
drelly filversmith in the city of London..
Thus was good-humour reftor'd to
the ſteward, who chuckled and chatted
all the rest of the way; and when we ar-
rived at Mrs. Darlington's, he jumpt
out of the coach with the brifknefs of a
boy, and handed me obfequiouſly into
the hall. We had forgot to pay the
coachman, and I faw the fteward in a
dilemma-he fumbled in his pockets
fome
164 LIBERAL OPINIONS;
:
his
fome time, then producing a guinea,
afk'd, with a trembling voice, for
change, though I could plainly fee how
much his avarice was alarmed left the
driver fhould happen to have ſo much
filver about him. I relieved
diſtreſs, by fatisfying the fare, while the
good man was making many excufes for
giving me fo much trouble, and la-
menting his want of loofe filver, which,
he proteſted, for the future, he would
always carry in his pocket.
CHA P. LVI.
The dinner was ferving up as I en-
tered the dining-parlour, where I was
no fooner feated, than I related the ad-
ventures of the morning, concealing
only the prefent of the buckles. The
ladies were highly entertained by the
narra-
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 165
--
=
narrative, and Mifs Alicia was particu-
larly finart in her remarks, till I came
to animadvert on the behaviour of Ben-
jamin. This intelligence, I confeſs,
was referv'd as a coup de grace, becauſe
(threwdly fufpecting the ftate of the
young lady's mind, and willing to gra-
tify a piece of pleaſant revenge), I was
refolv'd to fee what effect the relation of
this incident would have upon the
conftitution of this lively lafs, who had
taken much delight in playing upon my
inexperience ever fince I came into the
houſe. I had no fooner, therefore,
mentioned Benjamin's warm encomium.
of the young woman on the bench;
adding, likewife, in a jocular manner,
that I prefum'd Mr. Benjamin had his
favourites; than the face and neck of
Alicia were cover'd with an unuſual fuf-
fufion of crimſon, which, in the next
moment difappearing, left her as pale
and
166 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
{
and languid as a lily. She cut the flices
upon her plate over and over again, till
in the end they were fmall enough for
the mouth of a ſparrow; and yet, after
all, ſhe had neither inclination or inten-
tion to eat. Mrs. Darlington, who,
though a well-bred woman, was not a
very accurate obferver, took no notice
of theſe changes in her niece, whofe
diſtreſs foon became fo evident, that ſhe
was obliged to rife from table, and
counterfeit a terrible head-ach, for a
difquietude, which, in fact, fat much
nearer to the heart.
I now pitied her moſt fincerely, and
execrated myſelf for the unneceffary
mifchief I had occafioned. Vile
Vile pro-
penfity, faid I,-pitiful paffion this,—
that leads us to repay every petty of-
fence in kine! How could I ever per-
fuade myſelf to ſtoop fo low as to recri-
minate? and, becauſe I fmarted beneath
a mo-
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 167
a momentary fally of wit, I muſt needs
take advantage of a bare conjecture, and
purfue my purpoſe, till I wrung the
tender confeffion from the heart; and
that, the heart of a woman, and that
woman a relation. Oh fie upon it, fie
upon it! I feel myſelf bluſh!
When poor Alicia arofe, Mrs. Dar-
lington arofe with her, appearing fenfi-
bly to feel her anxiety, and fo they went
fighing up ftairs together. I was now,
therefore, left alone to the enjoyment of
my reflections; and thefe foon brought
on, foliloquy the fecond. Why, friend
Benignus, this is a brave fetting out!
A noble exploit truly!-Thou haft
fpoilt a very excellent dinner, and fent
the founders of the feaft weeping away.
The banquet is thy own: pr'ythee then
fall too, enjoy it, and complete thy tri-
umphs, by rioting in the hofpitality
which thou haft thus gratefully re-
warded!
3
168 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
warded! The whole matter too, may
poffibly, be a weak furmife. How
then have I had the affurance to make
the ſtory out my own way?
Mrs. Darlington now returned, ob-
ferving that her niece had defired to be
left alone a little, and politely made her
apologies for leaving me fo abruptly.
All this was poifon to my wound. I
was fully confcious of the little trick I
had played. The pang of reproach
ftruck my heart, and the tear of contri-
tion was ſwimming round my eye. I
declined eating, on pretence of fatigue,
and Mrs. Darlington ſwallow'd a ſpoon-
ful of foup, and withdrew again to her
Alicia. I spent the interval betwixt
this meal and tea, in a fenfe of real
agony, arifing from the conviction of
real meannefs and error. My feelings
were, as yet, unblunted by habitual
trefpaffes; and, as my greateſt joy
arofe
4
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 169
arofe from the contemplation of having
contributed ſomething to the happineſs
of others; fo my greateft anxiety arofe
from an idea of having promoted their
mifery. Yet, in the prefent cafe, no
way was left open for me to rectify my
miſtake, or to foften the uneafineſs
which my blunder had brought about;
for all explanations would have be-
trayed that I gueffed at Alicia's difor-
der; and I could not fo much as hope
admittance to her apartment, had ex-
planation been advifeable.
At tea,
however, the young lady made her ap-
pearance, led tenderly into the room by -
her aunt, and I was glad to fee her at-
tempting to reſume her former fpirits;
of which, in the general, fhe had, as
the reader may poffibly recollect, an
abundant fhare. But, right-well fung
the Bard, who firſt obſerved, that mis-
fortunes" love to clufter," and feldom
., VOL. II.
I
or
:
170 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
or never come fingly. Indeed, one is
commonly the ill-favour'd meffenger of
another, and that of a third, and fo on to
the end of the laft dreadful chapter of
human accidents. This was a day of
difafters to poor Alicia. Mrs. Dar-
lington had juft pour'd out the firft cup
of tea, and was affectionately preffing
her niece to drink it, when a violent
noife was heard in the hall, and a con-
fus'd cry of feveral voices, as if de-
ploring a misfortune. Preſently after-
wards a fervant came into the parlour,
and with him Mr. Abrahams, acquaint-
ing the ladies, that Benjamin, who had
been miffing at dinner, was now come
in all over blood and bruiſes, and that
the fervants were carrying him up to
bed speechlefs.
Blood was no fooner pronounced than
the tea-cup fell from the hand of Alicia
to the ground; on which, in the fame
moment,
LIBERAL OPINIONS: 171
•
This
moment, ſhe funk down herſelf.
Mrs. Darlington imputed to the effects
of a fudden fürprize feizing her fo foon
after her late agitation; while I wass
perhaps, the only one prefent who
attributed it to the true caufe: every
method was uſed to recover her, but the
violence of the fits into which the now
fell, refifted our utmost endeavours, and
fhe was a fecond time conveyed to her
chamber, in a much more alarming
condition than before. Mr. Abrahams
and I now went up to Benjamin, to ſee
if he was yet able to unfold the occaſion
of this myftery; when Abrahams, ere he
had well opened the door, and confe-
quently before he knew whether his
nephew was dead or alive, began to
harangue as follows.
What is bred in the bone, will never
come out of the fleth! You cannot make
a filk purfe of a fow's ear! Pray, fir,
I 2
what
172 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
what a devil have you been about?
Where, caitiff, is the money I fent you
for? What made you ſtay ſo long?
What right had you to ftay at all? How
came all that blood upon your cloaths?
How came you to dizen yourſelf out in
your green, to-day? What's the reaſon,
you raſcal, I am to be thus plagued
upon your account? you villain! And
why don't you get you home to your
father and mother, you fcoundrel, who
are ſtarving, you know, upon five and
fix pence a week?
Theſe queſtions were all thundered
upon the poor lad at once, and, in
the uttering them, fuch was the rage of
the fteward, that he not only committed
the extravagance of ftriking a pen,
which he had then in his hand, againſt
the table, but ſmote that table likewiſe,
with fo furious a fift (in contradiction of
his ufual prudence), that the lid ſplit in
twain,
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 173
twain, and a finall fplinter, from the
ruins of the mahogany, lodged itſelf
deep within the palm of his hand, till
he roared again with mifery. This fo
increaſed his refentment, both againſt
the table and Benjamin, that the former
he belaboured ftoutly with his legs;
and, though he could not make it feel,
he at leaſt made it forely complain,
which was no doubt a fatisfaction; and
the latter, he violently threatened to
horſewhip, if ever he fhould have the
misfortune to rife again from his bed: fa
faying, he ran out, proteſting all the
way down ftairs, that he would not
leave him a groat, die when he would.
1
I 3
CHAP
174 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
CHA P. LVII.
All this time lay the agonized Benja-
min, refigned as a lamb, under the
knife of the butcher; and when the
fervants had washed him, and, at my
defire departed, I fat by his bed-fide,
and gently follicited to learn the cauſe
of this ftrange difafter.
Sir, faid the poor lad-almoft break-
ing his heart as he fpoke-my friend
has been infulted, and fo I have been
fighting, that's all. I begged him to
take time, and tell me the whole; pro-
mifing to be his friend with his uncle
and miftrefs, when I knew how to make
his apology. His tears thanked me,
and he proceeded thus.
You remember, fir, how I bid you
take notice of a young girl, fitting alone
on one of the Park benches (fhe is not a
}
bad
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
175
bad girl, I can affure you, though ſhe
was fitting by herfelf). As foon as my
uncle fent me to Charing-Crofs to re-
ceive fifteen fhillings, I went and re-
ceived it as faft as I could, and ran
away to the Park, where I left Nancy.
I found her with a handkerchief up to
her eyes-the ſweeteſt eyes in the
world, fir,-) fo I pulled away the
handkerchief gently, and taking her
under my arm, walked away with her
into the Bird-cage Walk; that I might
talk to her without being diſturbed.
Nancy, faid I, I charge you ſpeak your
mind to me: what brought you into the
Park alone? Nothing, faid fhe, Mr.
Benjamin, pray leave me.. Where is
your father, Nancy, faid I, and why
don't you go home?-Home! replied
Nancy, (fobbing as if her dear heart
was beating itſelf through her ftays) ---
Home, Benjamin, I have no home, nor
>
1 4.
no
176 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
no father-nor any thing elfe! I thought,
fir, I ſhould have dropped down dead
on the fpot, but I fell on poor Nancy's
neck, and there I lay, fhe almoft ready
to kiss me (without knowing it though,
I'm fure)! As foon as I got a little bet-
ter, fir, I
Here Mrs. Darlington herſelf came to
the door, requefting to know whether
Benjamin was better; faid that his
young miftrefs alfo wifhed to hear a fa-
vourable account, and defired him not
to fret fo as to increafe his diforder, but,
as he was a very quiet, peaceable lad in
general, to expect no reproaches from
her- (Mrs. Darlington)-but total for-
giveneſs. Mrs. Darlington underſtood
from me that he was better, and with-
drew. The poor fellow's heart was fo
foftened by this indulgence, and fo af-
fected by the other circumftances which
were lying heavily upon it, that he could
not
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 177
not return his acknowledgments. Soon,
after Mrs. Darlington was gone, how-
ever, he thus refumed the ftory of his
adventure with Nancy, whofe misfor-
tunes feemed to engrofs infinitely more
of his attention than even the threats of
his uncle; the kindneſs of his miſtreſſes,
or, indeed, any thing elſe..
7
In truth, this Benjamin was a moft
excellent difpofed young man, his un-
derstanding was not much above his rank,
but his heart would have been diftin-
guifhed, had Providence thought proper
to have placed it in the breaſt of a
prince; for it led him to do a thouſand.
noble actions, with fmall opportunities;
and, with an income of about a fhilling
per week, to render more real ſervice to
fociety, than Mr. Abrahams, his uncle,
with an income of about eight hundred
a year; for fuch was the annual fortune
attributed to the fteward, who had
I. 5
amaffedi
178 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
amaffed together all that poffeffion,
merely by a ftrict adherence to one fin-
gle maxim, which, I have been told, he
never once violated, or infringed, in the
courfe of forty years, namely, to confi-
der a farthing, as fome part of a guinea,
and a guinea, as the nine hundred and
ninety-ninth divifion of a thousand,
and fo on, ad infinitum. Benjamin, on
the contrary, vers'd only in the arith-
metic of the heart, thought a farthing
too trifling to fave, and too infignificant
to beſtow; but, if, by adding thereto
the odd eleven pence three farthings, he
could, in diveſting himſelf of his ſeven
days allowance, dry up one tear, or re-
move one figh, procure one cordial to the
fick, or one meal to the hungry, away it
went, as faft as he could get it from his
pocket, without even turning it over a
fecond time; without confidering, in-
deed, that it would produce twenty-four
3
pieces *
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 179
preces of copper, and, that twenty-four
pieces of copper would gratify feveral
felfiſh paflions. But it feems, the boy
had a pleaſure in this ſort of diſtribution,
and, perhaps, had, in this refpect, the,
advantage of his uncle..
1
CHA P.
CHA P. LVIII.
As foon as I got a little better, I fay,
fir,refumed Benjamin, I looked Nancy
in the face, and intreated her to explain
what ſhe meant by having neither houſe ·
nor father; and then the poor. thing,
ſpoke to me thus:
Oh, Benjamin, I am turned out of
doors, and lay, in the ftreet all laft
night, and have not broke my faſt ſince
yeſterday morning, and all for a mis--
fortune, which, as I hope to be ſaved,
I could not help-What, han't you eat,
Nancy?
I.6.
*
180 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
Nancy and did you want a bed? I
charge you don't talk now, but come
along with me, and fean all your weight
upon my arm. So I led her, fir, in
this manner, to a public-houfe, and
got her fome refreſhment, and would
not hear a word ſhe had to ſay, till fhe
had forced down a morfel of bread anď
a glaſs of wine-though I could not get
her to take it, without water, for fhe
is no drinker, I'll affure you. This
over, fhe informed me that her dif
trefs was as thus.
She was fent out yefterday morning
to the baker's, over the way, to get
change for half a guinea, but not being.
able to get it there, feeing as how they
had not fo much filver in the houfe, fhe
went to ſeveral other neighbours ſhops,
and at laſt to the chandler's; and there
fhe met with a man, who offered to go
to
LIBERAE OPINIONS. 81
to his brother's, as he called him, at
the Black-Lion, and change it.
As fhe fuppofed the man was as ho-
neft as herſelf, (and I'm fure fhe is as
honeſt as Heaven-) fhe gave him the
half guinea, and fat down in the ſhop
to wait his return. After he was gone;
the chandler faid, Nancy, do you know
that man, child? No, replied the poor-
thing, trembling, but you do I hope
Not I, truly, faid the chandler, he only-
came into the ſhop for a farthing's worth
of cotton, to put in an inkhorn, and F
never faw him in my life before: here-
poor Nancy's. mind mifgave her, and
not without reafon, for fhe waited, and
waited, for above two hours, and no
man came fo that he was afraid to go
back to her father's, becauſe ſhe had
ftayed fo long, and met fuch a fad mis-
fortune; and accordingly the continued
in the chandler's fhop, expecting, and
expect-
•
•
3
182 LIBERAL OPINIONS.-
expecting, till quite dark night!-But
why did not the chandler affift her in-
this emergence, faid I,-he very well
knew her honefty, and furely where the
poor creature had fo much at ſtake, and
the fum fo mere a trifle !He lend her,
be affift her, fir, replied Benjamin; - not:
he, truly; though as to her honeſty he-
had often feen inftances of that, and:
moreover her father had been a cuſto--
mer, and bought all his chandlery there,,
for many, many years.. No, fir, about
eleven o'clock he ſaid to Nancy, Well,.
child, there is no chance of the man's.
coming now. It's getting late, and I
have a dipping in the morning, fo I.
would adviſe you to go home to your:
father's. Nay, don't cry, mayhap things.
mayn't be fo bad as you think for: Mr..
Dennis is a good tempered man, and I-
dare fay he won't hurt.you: but let me
as a friend adviſe you never to truſt
people
LIBERAL OPINIONS, 183
people you don't know with money,
for the future. To tell you the truth,
I did not much like the look of that
chap, when he came into the fhop.
Why did not you tell me fo, faid
Nancy, Mr. Suet? Why, its hard judg-
ing, you know, faid the chandler, but
I thought I faw Tyburn in his face, and
now I am convinced, ere long, I fhall
fee his face at Tyburn.
Here, Nancy fays, Mr. Suet fet up a
laugh, which fo provoked her, that fhe
left his ſhop without faying a word:
but I ſhould tell you, before ſhe got
far, Suet hallowed at the door after her,
and faid that if her father ill treated her
to-night, fhe might depend on his
coming to make her peace to-morrow;
and that if the man brought the money,
he would take care of it. Poor Nancy,
now, fir-but I am afraid I am tiring
you-I beg pardon for troubling you
with
184 LIBERAL OPINIONS:
with my concerns, and—I defire, an-
fwered I, I defire, Benjamin, you will
not ſtop a moment, to make apologies;
for I long to know the fate of Nancy
Dennis. Well then; fir, rejoined the
ſteward's nephew, wiping his eyes,
which had been all the time ftreaming
-fince you are fo good, I will go on..
He proceeded,, raifing himſelf on his
arm..
•
CHA P. LIX.,
Poor Nanny, fir, now wandered
weeping about the ſtreets, till fhe came
to her father's. But though fhe faw a
light in the window, and yet (as your
know it rain'd pretty ſmartly all night)
fhe had not heart to go in. She put
her hand on the knocker, and then took
it away, firft walked forwards, then
back-
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 185
backwards, till at laft fhe heard fome-
body behind her, and foon found it was
Mr. Dennis himſelf, who had been it
feems out to look for her, and having
the key of the door in his hand, he
ftruck her in his paffion, fwore fhe
fhould never come into the houſe again,
and was going into it himſelf. Juft as
he had unlocked the ftreet-door, he
aſked her for the money, faying he fup-
poſed ſhe had ſpent it,-with a great
oath; and when the told him the truth,
he damned her in a terrible manner,
banged to the door, and left her to go
where fhe might. She fat all night
crying upon the threfhold, till at laſt a
watchman, who knew her, took pity on
her, put her to bed to his wife, and
then went again to his buſineſs. In the
morning ſhe went home a fecond time
but when her father opened the fhutters,
and the poor thing aſked him, if ſhe
fhould
}
186 LIBERAL OPINIONS,
1
fhould have the pleaſure of making the
fire, and getting his breakfaſt, as ufual,
he ordered her to get away from the
door, or elſe he would fend a conſtable
to her.
The next thing fhe did, was to find
me out, for you muſt know, fir, we
have-a-a-a friendship for one ano-
ther-but as ſhe knew what a jea-
lous creature my uncle is, fhe was too
good to come near my miſtreſs's houſe;
becauſe, I once invited her there, to
drink tea with Mrs. Goodly the houſe-
keeper, and I thought I never ſhould
hear the laſt of it. But lord, fir, what
a heap of contrivances diſtreſs puts into
our heads! eſpecially when a young
man and a young woman has a a ·a-
friendship for one another, faid I, Mr.
Benjamin, looking at him flyly? Very
true, fir, anſwered Ben, very true-
friendship, if it is of the right, honeſt
fort
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
187
fort-friendship-heigho! Friendship, I
fay, fir, will do any thing!
Nancy now recollected that the like-
lieft way to fee me, would be to go to
the Park, where the knew I generally
walked every morning, with one of my
miftreffes (I mean, behind them, fir).
Well, fir, to the Park fhe went, and
there fat herſelf down, (after having
wearied herſelf with walking) upon the
little white feat where we faw her. Per-
haps you might think it odd fhe did not
ſpeak to me, as foon as I came near
her: but feeing who was with me, fhe
would have died firſt, for fhe's a pru-
dent girl, and has had the best of edu-
çations. Befides, fhe knew I was flur-
ried enough at meeting her there, and
would contrive to fee her as foon as
poffible. Indeed, nothing run in my
head, after I had paffed her, but how
I ſhould get away from my uncle, wha
is
C
188 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
is as cunning, as cunning; and though
I had great pleaſure in attending you,
fir, yet as-as-my-friend looked to
be in fome diftrefs-I thought it-my
-my duty to fee if any thing could be
done for her. I almoft made my head
ach in hunting about for, excufes, for
indeed fo many came to mind at once,
that they quite flabergaftined me; but
at length my uncle you know, fir, ſent
me away himſelf to receive fome money,
which was only a month's intereſt of a
few pounds, and was fifteen fhillings,
as I told you. As foon as Nancy had
finiſhed her ſtory, and I made her
drink half a glafs more of the wine
and water, fhe threw her hand upon
my fhoulder, and aſked me what ſhe
was to do! And there was fuch a-
a fomething, in her manner of look,
and in her manner of ſpeaking, that I
was all over in a tremble, from head to
foot.
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 189
foot, Ay-ay, faid I, Benjamin-
friendſhip-friendſhip-She ſaid, that
ſhe never dare to go home again with-
out the money, and ſhe had only two
new fix pences, and a filver penny, and
a little copper keep-fake, in the world,
and even they were locked up in her
trunk, at the bottom of all her things:
with this, fir, I put my hand in my
pocket, and took out the fifteen fhil-
lings, and told out ten and fix pence
on the table, and was juft going to put
it into Nancy's hand, when ſomething
ftruck me to the heart, as much as to
tell me I was going to do a bad thing:
upon which I drew away my hand, and
took up the filver again: then feeling,
fir, in my other pocket, I took out a
ſpank ſpan new half-crown piece, which
young miſtreſs gave me, and was only
forry that I had no more: at laſt I took
out my uncle's money, and told it over
again,
献
​190 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
)
V
again, that is, eight and fix pence: but
fure fomething bewitched me, for I
quite trembled as I laid it down, and fo
at laft told Nancy the whole affair.
You muſt know, fir, fhe did not
much like the money at all,-tho', be-
tween friends, what is it?-But when
ſhe underſtood it belonged to my uncle
Abrahams, fhe turned as pale as her
apron, and cried out, Lord of Heaven,
Mr. Benjamin, what are you about! I
would not touch it for all the world!
Put it up-put it up,
up, if you han't a
mind to frighten me out of my wits,
and make me hate you for ever! I was
glad, fir, in the main, to find my dear
tove-I mean, fir-a-a-my-my-to
find,-my dear friend fo honourable and
juft; and, as if Providence defigned
fhe ſhould be rewarded for it, a thought
came into my head, which was a thou-
fand times better, becauſe it was not to
make
;
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 191
+
make us aſhamed of ourſelves; and it's
a fhocking thing, you know, fir, to be
afhared of onefelf. Well, fir-I be-
thought me of raifing the money, by
going to the pawn-broker man, where
Slaſh, our coachman, who is a terrible
fot, many a time uſed to go, with firſt
one thing, and then another: fo I faid
nothing to Nancy, but defired her to
fit ftill, till I came back, which should
be in a few minutes. She feemed un-
eafy to let me go, but at laſt confented;
and as I was going into a little bye
alley, to take off my waiſtcoat, and
fomething elſe, who fhould come that
way, but Mr. Mendman, my uncle's
taylor, who always loved me, from a
boy, and always faid, I one day ſhould
be rich.-As' fure as you live, this ge-
nerous foul lent me a whole guinea,
without my telling him a word about
Nancy; and away I ran, fcarce touch-
ing
192 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
ing the ground, and not giving myſelf
time to put on the things I had taken
off, and hardly buttoning my coat.
At firſt, Nancy was quite frighted-
then blushed-for to tell you the truth,
(here he whiſpered), my fhirt was one
of the things as I dare not pledge
any thing in fight, for fear my uncle
fhould fee me before I could get up
ftairs into my room.-But I went out
again, and put my things on, and foon
cleared up the whole matter.
We then went home together, and
there I found old Mr. Dennis crying,
and taking on,, like a child: as foon
as he faw us, inſtead of rifing to ſcold
Nancy, he ran to her, faftened on her
neck, kiffed her, and ſhed tears: for
his paffion was now all over, and his
love for his poor dear Nancy returned
at once.
But
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 193
But not to trouble you with any more
of this part of the ftory, I fhall only
fay, that I left the old man hugging
his daughter, and, I don't know why,
but methought I could have hugged
them both! However, Nancy fighing-
becauſe ſhe was quite weary, and her
fpirits gone, thanked me, with a tear
in her eye, and I went out of the houſe,
hardly knowing what I had done, or
where I was going.
CHA P. LX.
I had got almoſt home, fometimes
whiſtling, fometiines finging, and fome-
times jumping for joy, before I recol-
lected that I had ſtill the money in my
pocket; and that perhaps old Dennis
(though he might pafs over the lofs
while he was warm, might talk about
it when he was cool) would be cruel
VOL. II.
again,
K
194 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
again, as he loved money. So, I e'en
ran back to the houſe, and found the
old man quite bufied in laying the cloth,
warming a little can of beer, and pref-
fing Nancy to eat, with a great deal of
kindneſs. I foon found he had never
once mentioned the half guinea, and fo
laid down the ten fhillings and fix
pence, telling Nancy that it was a great
chance we met the fellow, and that it
was well the knew him again. God
forgive me, fir, for I made a fine ftory
of it!
Mr. Dennis's heart, however, was
open, and he infifted on my fitting
down, and drink a draught of his own
brewing; for, indeed, he belonged to a
brew-houſe. So, as I was to drink my
Nancy's health, I fat down; and, fome
how or other, got into finging fongs,
till at laſt Mr. Dennis's ale got into my
head, and made me forget-(as you
know
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
195
know one's time flips away in agreeable
company-(that I had ſtayed already fo
long from my uncle. I therefore caught
up my hat and ftick, when I heard the
clock ftrike fix; and, in a great hurry,
fet forward for Mrs. Darlington's.
Unluckily, however, fir, I happened
to paſs by the door of Mr. Suet, the
chandler, and as I was angry with him
for his flight to Nancy, I called upon
him, to tell him a little piece of my
mind. Mr. Suet, faid I, you are a
good-natured man, and I come to thank
you for your kindness to poor Nancy
Dennis last night. Nancy Dennis be
dd, faid Suet, who was a paffionate
fellow, and one of your great fighters
into the bargain-What's Nancy Dennis
to me? She kept me and my family
up all night; but you are her favourite,
I forgot that-It's a pity you did not
fee her, when fhe was turned out by
K 2
her
196 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
her father, who has been making a fine
piece of work here, truly, becauſe, for-
footh, I let her give the fellow that came
into the fhop a half guinea to change.
What had I to do with her half guinea?
A little filly pufs, I wiſh I had never ſeen
her face; for I fhall lofe a good cuſtomer
by her a fooliſh minx; I can't think how
Dennis could truſt her with any money.
My blood boil'd at him, fir, all the
time he spoke, and when he called the
poor girl thofe names, I loft all pati-
ence, and fo, without more ado, I laid
my fwitch over his fhoulders; upon
which we both of us went to it, and
fought, till fome neighbours took Suet
away, and locked him up, and fo parted
us: but I would fight for a friend, to
the laft drop of my blood, fir,-nay,
for that matter, I have loft a good deal
of that already; but I have had my
revenge on that hard-hearted raſcal,
Suet,
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 197
Suet, and fo I don't mind my black
eyes, or bloody cloaths, of a farthing.
And now, fir, you know the whole
ftory, and I hope you can't blame me,
ſeeing as how I did it to ferve a woman.
Blame you, faid I, Benjamin-no、
my good lad, I admire thy fpirit, and
honour thee for thy. fentiments; and,
indeed, I approve your conduct fo much,
through every part of your adventure,
that I will go this inftant and make
peace betwixt you and Mr. Abrahams.
You are very kind, fir, fays Benjamin,
but if you pleaſe, you may as well not
fay any thing about Nancy, for you
know old people think fuch ſtrange
things, and have fuch odd notions about
friendſhip, that perhaps he might take
it into his head to-I underſtand you,
Ben, faid I, I will bring you off with-
out once mentioning your friend,
Nancy, depend on it. I now went
down
K 3.
398 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
?
down ftairs to fee after my fick coufin,
whom, indeed, I had too long left,
without making a fmall breach in good
manners. But as it happened, fhe con-
tinued in her room, and her aunt with
her, till fupper was almoft ready, and
the ladies were but juſt got into the
parlour before me.
I had fcarce opened the door, when
both ladies began their inquiries after
Benjamin, and I believe mifs Alicia
obliged me with ten queftions-fo little
art, and fo much nature had fhe-be-
fore it was poffible I ſhould return her
one anſwer. Refolved, however, to
make no more diſturbances, I now took
a contrary method, and faid every thing
that I thought might pleaſe the young
one, without betraying what I thought
was apparent enough to the old one;
and if I miſtake not, this was the firſt
time I convinced myfelf how neceffary
it
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 199
:
it is for a perfon, who would live upon
any peaceable terms with fociety, to
give into many petty deceptions, where
the plain truth would infallibly create
confufion and difquietude: and this
fort of duplicity is, I prefume, what
the Latins call, a pious fraud. Yet
fomething there was in my nature ut-
terly repugnant to this, nor could the
beft of motives ever reconcile it to my
heart.
Nevertheless, this embellishment of the
truth had a great effect in foothing the
fomething that fat heavy on the bofom
of Alicia; for, after I had told her that
Mr. Benjamin had accidentally met an
old friend, with whom he was tempted
to drink a little freely, and afterwards
got into a boyiſh diſpute, of which the
worſt conſequence was likely to be only
a bloody fuit of cloaths, fhe gave his
misfortunes a mixture of fmiles and
K 4
tears,
200 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
tears, the latter of which, however, fhé
kept from falling, and at laſt ſhe grew ſo
pleafant, without feeming to lodge too
much on the fubject, that fhe actually
told Mrs. Darlington fhe found herſelf
fo much recovered, that fhe fhould be
able to eat a whole wing of a chicken.
This declaration, on the other hand,
fet Mrs. Darlington's heart at reft, who
most affectionately loved her niece, and
upper was now ordered without delay.
Willing to do, notwithſtanding, as
much as I could in this affair, I flipt
out of the parlour to feek Mr. Abra-
hams, whom I found in the fteward's
office, with his fpectacles on his noſe,
very induſtriously employed in examin-
ing a large book, like a tradefman's
ledger, in which he was perhaps-(this)
being Saturday)-cafting up and ad-
jufting the accounts of the week.
Something-probably a reflection upan
the
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 201
the buckles-had put him in high good
humour, and he confidered the intereſt
I took in his nephew's conciliation in
fuch good part, that he left his bufi-
.nefs on purpoſe to mount the ftairs,
and affure me that he forgave Ben, and
then ſhook him heartily by the hand
in my preſence. I fhould not, how-
ever, forget that Mr. Abrahams juft
hinted at the profpect of fending the
bloody cloaths with fuccefs to the fcow-
rers. Thus happineſs being reftored
to the whole family, the reft of the
evening was paffed in general fatis-
faction, and I withdrew to my chamber,
not a little inftructed, nor a little pleaſed,"
at having been, in fome degree an in-
ftrument in bringing about the agree
able cataſtrophe of the evening..
$
K. }.
CHAP
202 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
}
CHA P. XLI.
The next morning dawned upon the
unanimity of Mrs. Darlington's family.
Alicia retained her ufual flow of fpirits,
Benjamin was getting the better of his
bruifes: the old lady rejoiced in the re-
covery of her niece, and the ſteward
chuckled over the gift of the filver
buckles, and the fuccefs he expected
from fending the coat and waiſtcoat to
the fcowerers.
A whole week paffed, in which this
general felicity rather improved than
diminiſhed: but Felicity is at beſt but
a coy vifitant, fickle in her friendſhip,
and unfteady in her attachments: and,
perhaps, if the condefcends to ſtay ſeven
days in a family, it is as much as can
well be expected. Change of air, im-
moderate walking (for my curiofity laid
a heavy
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 203
a heavy tax upon my legs) or fome other
cauſe, brought on a cold, fo that on the
Sunday evening fucceeding theſe mat-
ters, I was quite hoarfe, and did little
more than cough, and fuck fugar-
candy; a fpecific for this diforder,
which I adopted in the nurſery, and
which, if not infallible, is at leaſt as
efficacious, as many a noftrum of
prouder name, and dearer purchaſe.
There was always, however, a fort of
Stimulus in my temper, which would
never fuffer me to be fupine, whe-
ther I was in fickneſs or in health, in fo-
litude or in fociety. To this natural
activity, perchance, I owe many ftrokes
of fortune, which men of dormant and
indolent propenſities never experience:
but I was inclined to brifk volition from
my cradle, and as we all naturally diſlike
whatever is naturally unlike ourſelves,——
I mean in points of fentiment-I will
K 6
now
204 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
now give the reader an early inftance of
my antipathy to every thing that wanted
vivacity.
In my childhood, I was one day
walking in a meadow, when I happened
to ftrike my foot against a ftone
Wretch, faid I-a little vexed by the
pain-Wretch, how I pity thee? Fixed
down by fate to one circumfcribed ſpot
even to the narrow cavity of an inch
diameter: there ingloriously repofing,-
infenfible to the joys of motion, an in-
creaſing incumbrance to the earth you
cover, and fupinely flumbering, even
as you grow.-When I had thus tri-
umphed over the innocent ftone, which
bore all upbraidings peaceably, I in-
dulged the pride of fuperiority, by run-
ning haftily away; when my precipitance
occafioned my foot to flip, and threw
- me (to ufe an old, but emphatic phraſe)
head over heels. The proverb was
3.
verified;
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 205
verified; pride had a fall: I felt it;
and as I rofe from the ground, faid thus
to myſelf: How unworthy is arro-
gance-What right had I to taunt and
break my pitiful jefts upon an innocent
pebble, ſleeping quietly in it's bed, per-
forming it's allotted task in dutiful fi-
lence, and gradually fpreading into
bulk, peradventure, to mend the very
cart-rut, over which the foot of my
horſe, or the wheel of my carriage is to
pafs more fafely if I were not afraid of
being called fuperftitious, I fhould think
this fprain of my ancle a judgment.
Be it what it will; if it teaches me hu-
mility, I fhall confider it as a very fea-
fonable tumble, and fo (here I was
obliged to bind a handkerchief hard
round the part affected) as for the matter
of a little finart, I believe it may be
wholeſome enough. Saying this, I
found the tears in my eyes, (for my
ancle
206 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
ancle was fwelling a-pace) and went
limping away.
I mention this as a trait of my cha-
rafter, and a judicious reader will in-
deed find fomething more truly and ef
fentially characteriſtic in thefe minute
developements, than in the moſt elabo-
rate detail of what hiftorians very falfely
call, marking circumſtances. I have
often wifhed, fince this trifling accident,
that I could have changed fituations
with the poor ftone: if motion cannot
produce reft, methinks there was no-
thing fo extravagant in the idea: yet
was there much ill-nature in it; for I
have ſeen and felt enough to deſtroy the
conftitution, even of the ftone itſelf,
and by a change of conditions, it would,
I am pretty certain, have had the worſt
of the bargain. But I fhall digreſs into
gloominess, which, even for the chance
of being read (fhould my adventures
་
ever
ง
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 207
ever be printed) I am refolved not to do;
fince I am confident, no man either
looks into a book, or hears a ftory,
without fome notion of being enter
tained; and thoſe people who think to
raiſe pity, or attention, by expatiating.
on the fubject of forrow, and formally
entering into prolix accounts of cala-
mity, will certainly mifs their aim.
The whining beggar, who runs after
us with a difinal ditty, we avoid and
defpife; the writer who dreffes. up the
tale of woe, in all the fable pomps of
deſcription, and ceremonies of fepul
chral fentiment, is no lefs troubleſome
and vapouriſh. ` And perhaps this is the
reaſon why fo many fizeable volumes,
nay I might add, fo many books of fa-
cred inftruction, are neglected: the
utile dulce, being conftantly effential in
every compofition; not excepting thofe
which are defigned to perfuade us to
virtue,
n
208 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
virtue, exhort us to repentance, and
prepare us for immortality. And for
the truth of this, I appeal to all the
libraries in the kingdom: nay, I appeal
to every man who may hereafter take up
theſe memoirs. A few queſtions, fairly
anſwered, decides the point.
Notwithstanding the real unhappy cir-
cumſtances under which this Hiftory is
written-notwithſtanding the fad, foli-
tary, deferted, and even dying ſtate of the
author, would any of thefe matters be
attended to,—would not the moſt pa-
tient turn from his book, difgufted with
the calamitous narrative, were it only
to confift of melancholy fcenes, ruefully
related, and morals deduced from.
thence, in the foporific folemnity of le-
thargic language? I declare to you, my
worthy friend, the very recital. of the
queſtions already operate on my nerves,
and the anſwer is difplayed in painting
my
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 209
my retreat in more dreadful colours.
"A browner horror breathes along the
wood." For my fake, therefore, and
for thine, O reader, I will lull thee to.
fleep as feldom as poffible; and yet take
eſpecial care, that I may neither hurt
thy principles, or fatigue thy fpirits, by
keeping thee awake to the end of-at
leaſt of a chapter--where, as at an
inn,-if thou art diſpoſed to take a little
refreſhing nap, fold down the page
good temperedly; and, (in the hope
that thou wilt wake in the fame humour,
fo that we may meet, after the enjoy-
ment of thy panacea, upon terms of
mutual obligation) much good may it
do thee!
:
CHAP.
210 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
CHA P. LXII.
Though my cold confined me to the
houfe, it did not confine me to the
chamber: I had therefore fufficient
ſcope for obfervation; and that too, on
a part of life with which I was hitherto
unacquainted. The incidents which are
conſtantly happening in every family,
are ample enough to excite infinite re-
flection in the minds of the fpeculative;
no wonder, therefore, that I found
ample fubjects for two or three days.
Perhaps I was rather fortunate in this
reſpect, or the faid two or three days
might teem with domeſtic adventures:
for two very great events happened at
Mrs. Darlington's while I continued an
invalid, and I fhall relate them, as I am
refolved to do every thing elſe, exactly
as they fell out at the time.
Mr.
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
211
1
Mr. Jonathan Abrahams began to
take a great fancy to me, which the
ladies told me I might confider as no
trifling favour; affuring me, that he
was by no means apt to take likings, and
particularly to young people, whom he
in general treated as a pack of ſtriplings,
who know nothing of bufinefs, and
whom he always fpoke of with the moſt
fupercilious contempt: but it feems, I
was down on the credit fide of his
books, where, no doubt, the filver
buckles figured refpectably. Be that as
it may, I was not difpleaſed with his at-
tention for befides that it gratified an
higher paffion, in giving me an oppor-
tunity now and then to throw in a word
or two, by the bye, for my friend
Benjamin.
It happened, that during my receſs
at home, Mrs. Darlington and her
niece were under an indifpenfible necef-
fity
212 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
fity to pay a debt of viſitings.-This
debt had been long due, and the dif
charging it poftponed from day to day,
in mere compliment to ine, as I declined
attending them through the ceremonies
of introduction: but as the debt was
due to perfons with whom the ladies
ſtood on fome little punctilio, the pay-
ment could now no longer be evaded,
without a flur on that politenefs of prin-
ciple, which genteel people confider as
a fanctimonious appendage of public
character.
Mrs. Darlington, indeed, was natu-
rally a little punctilious, and mifs had
no objection to keep upon the fquare.
with the acquaintances fhe did not care
a farthing for; fo that to have delayed
the thing any longer would have been
downright ill-breeding a reproach no
woman of faſhion can poffibly put up.
with, as it implies fomething vaftly
·
more
LIBERAL OPINION S. 213
more fhocking than the imputation of
intrigue, or even of the miſtake itſelf.
To prevent, therefore, fo iniquitous a
violation of the laws of high life, I ex-
erted my utmoſt rhetoric to requeſt they
would take the opportunity of my wiſh-
ing to write letters, and tumble over
books, and rub off the long ſcore
which their acquaintances had marked
againſt them, as could be teftified by
a variety of bills drawn upon the cards,
which were laid in the windows, tucked
in the carvings of the glaffes, and dif
played round every mantle-piece. My
argument at length prevailed, and pre-
tending on my part a wonderful deal of
private buſineſs, that muſt at all events
be done, the ladies paid a viſit, firſt to
themſelves in their looking-glaffes, in
their dreffing-rooms-then to the re-
flection of the fame perfons, when they
got down ftairs into the parlour-be-
cauſe
:
214 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
cauſe it may poffibly happen that glaffes
differ as well as watches; and laftly to
the ladies, the living ladies, who, re-
tired within their drawing-rooms, were
actually waiting for them.
And here I cannot omit a word or
two on the curious commerce betwixt
thoſe who are diftinguiſhed under the
general title of the polite: at least fuch
among them as are reſident in and about
the courtly circle of the capital. The
point of ceremony is critically adjuſted,
and the gradations, from the cold falute
of the perfect well-bred ftranger, to the
moſt familiar ardours of the animated
friend, are difcriminated with a minute-
neſs, which, employed on ſubjects of
equal, or even more importance might
produce to fociety fomething highly
edifying. Poffibly it may not be un-
amufing to throw together a few in-
ftances, from the multitude I collected,
in:
1
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 215
in the courſe of my obſervations on the
cuſtoms of the polite.
Mr. Jonathan Abrahams himſelf ne-
ver ftruck the ballance of debtor and cre-
ditor, or underſtood the ſecrets of the
per contra, more precifely than many
well-bred people, who nevertheleſs hate
mathematics, and could as eaſily ſolve
the knottieſt problem in Euclid, as re-
peat their table of multiplication. The
truth is, Mr. Abrahams' book of ac-
counts reſembles the account-books of
the modiſh, only in two great particu-
lars, viz. in paying and receiving; and
in theſe refpects, many of them are as
exact as the good ſteward, though he
fhould bring down the fraction to the
twenty-nine-thouſandth part of a far-
thing. Theſe are what may properly
be called, your annual viſitors, or peo-
ple who fettle accounts once in the
year; and therein the bufinefs differs
widely
1
216 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
widely from the bufinefs of Mr. Abra-
hams: for, fhould that faithful gentle-
man happen to call on any tenant at
quarter-day, and inftead of receiving
his money, receive an apology or a de-
nial, the matter would moft likely have
a ferious face, and produce ferious con-
fequences: but in the adjustment of
thefe politer tranfactions, where the
parties know what they are about, the
point is foon reconciled: the coachman
drives lady A to lady B's houfe; the
footman thunders out a polite alarm at
the door. Lady B happens unfortunate-
ly to be from home; lady A putting her
head out of the faſh of the carriage to
receive the meffages, fees, perhaps, the
identical lady B at one of the windows;
but as he is not at home, there is no
fuch thing as nods or curtefies, but the
vifit is paid, and lady A orders the fer-
vant to go as faft as the horſes can gal-
lop
!
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 217
}
lop to Mrs. C's, while lady B is either
fitting cool in her own parlour, or elfe
preparing to pay her compliments to
fome other ladies of the alphabet, in the
fame manner: or, as we are told in the
play, if fhe chooſes to be politer ſtill,
The will entertain her acquaintances at
home, and fend round her empty chair,
to entertain her acquaintances abroad.
Upon vifitings of a nature fomewhat
lefs ceremonious, were Mrs. Darling
ton and her niece now gone. They fet
out at half an hour paſt ſeven, and as
Alicia was stepping into the carriage
while her eyes were immediately after
directed to the window of a certain cham-
ber, which contained, at that time, a
certain perfon) fhe gave this account of
her intended excurfions: We ſhall pay
half a dozen how do you's in Pall-Mall;
half a ſcore is your lady's at home, in
Cavendish-Square; two or three five
VOL. II.
L
minute
218 LIBERAL OPINIONS,
minute ſtops, at James, pafs half an
hour with lady Buftle, half an hour
with Mrs. Slimlifp, drink a friend-
ly cup of tea and coffee with my dear
Maria, and fo be home again by Supper.
I thought at leaft fhe would have had the
conſcience to ſay, dinner to-morrow;
however, away they went; and Mrs.
Darlington herſelf-good woman as ſhe
was,-feemed to be no way difpleaſed
at the rattle and rotation of abſurdity
ſhe was, at fixty years of age, about to
perform while Alicia, either out of
complaifance to me, or for fome other
reaſon, kept ſtill leaning out of the
window, and kiſſing her hand, (a cere-
mony which I, aukwardly enough
returned) till ſhe was fairly out of fight.
CHAP.
1
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 219
CHA P. LXIII.
It was a pre-concerted thing betwixt
Abrahams and me, to enjoy a focial
hour, the very first time I could fteal,
as he expreffed it, from the gaiety of
magnificent madneſs, to plain fober
common-ſenſe; by which was literally
'meant no more than preferring his com-
pany to that of his miſtreſs.
Soon after the ladies were gone then,
Jonathan cnnducted me into a commo-
dious little apartment, which led into his
office, where, placing me in his own
arm-chair, he ſhook me refpectfully by
the hand, and welcomed me to his hut;
and preſently, fir, cries Jonathan, we'll
crack an innocent bottle. On this he
rang the bell, and two or three fervants
immediately obeyed the fummons. Tell
Mrs. Goodby, faid the ſteward, to fend
L 2
me
220 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
Every mañ in
me the fugar bafon, and lemon
fqueezers; perhaps, fir, you may pre-
fer a tiff of punch; fome love one
thing, fome another.
his humour. If we were all to like the
fame thing, what would become of us;
what's one man's meat is another man's
poifon. In fhort, Mr. Abrahams ex-
emplified and corroborated almoſt every
fentiment, by proverbial evidence; and
went on to prove, how natural it was
for fome men to love punch, and fome
wine, till a bottle of the one, and a
bowl of the other, might very fairly
have been confumed.
Whether Abrahams had really any
faving policy in this method of inter-
larding his converfation with old faws,
I cannot tell. The fugar at laft became
uſeful, and unlocking a cloſet that flood
in the corner of the room, and a bin
that was made in the-window feat, he
produced
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 221
produced from the one a cafe of bottles,
fuch as are frequent amongſt mariners,
and from the other another bottle,
which he faid was almoft as old as him-
felf. He now begged permiflion to fill
his pipe, which being readily granted,
a candle, which he took from his
beaufet, being lighted, (and afterwards
extinguifhed) and every other faving
act of deliberation over, he ſhook me
once more by the hand, as he was
feating himſelf, and repeated his glad-
nefs to fee me.
You would hardly think it, fir, cries
Jonathan, (fixing the pipe in his
mouth)-you would hardly fuppoſe
that I prefer this piece of a mouſe-hole,
as I may call it, to any room in Mrs.
Darlington's houſe! 'Tan't the bignefs
of a thing conftitutes the goodness.
You, perhaps, call it a nut-fhell. It may
be fo, yet what is ſweeter than the kernel?
L 3.
Very
222 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
-
î
Very true, Mr. Abrahams, anſwered I-
Pardon me, fir, quoth the ſteward,
there is fomething about you that. I
like; you may fee my reſpect, indeed,
by wearing your favour-here he pointed:
to his fhoes, on which were the filver'
buckles. A keep-fake, Mr. Benignus,
is a keep-fake, and fhould be held
facred, Memoria, amicitiæ. If a man,
was to part from any thing I gave him
for this purpoſe, though it was but a
cheeſe-paring-though it were but the
bowl of this tobacco-pipe,-1 ſhould
never have any opinion of him again.
Sir, I will wear thefe buckles till they
are ten times thinner than a fix pence;
and fo, fir, here's my hearty ſervice to
you. I was fo charmed with Jona-
than's gratitude, and expreffions o
kindneſs, that my heart opened, and
I was forry that I had fo fhabbily pur-
chafed his eſteem. A pair of filver
buckles,
1
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 223
buckles, faid I to myfelf, as he was
taking off the punch, pitiful!
I have often thought, refumed he,
(fetting his glafs down), of buying me
a couple of labels to hang round the
necks of my bottles, but I don't know
how it is, one thing or another takes
away one's money, and leaves nothing
for trifles yet fome day I will certainly
do it, for you muſt know I am a ſtrange
fellow, every thing in this room, and in
that office, is my own, and I am fuch a
fort of a chap, that I can't even fit down.
on another perfon's property, unleſs I
pay for it. That's being very confcien-
tious, indeed, faid I. It is fo, anfwered
I:
Abrahams; but you fhall hear. I have
been an old ſtandard in this family, and
am belides a piece of a relation to Mrs.
Darlington; but I made a rule many
years ago, upon having a legacy of
fifty pounds left me per annum, that
how-
L 4.
224 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
however poor my apparel, food, or
furniture, it fhould be my own proper-
ty. Having a method of making fifty
pounds go a good way, I came to a re-
folution, and put it into practice. Ma-
dam, fays I, to Mrs. Darlington, I am
an odd fellow, a very odd fellow, and
having now a little windfall come to
me, I am refolved to employ it im
providing myſelf with all neceffaries.
Content is as good as a feaſt. What
do you mean Mr. Abrahams, fays fhe,
why fure you won't leave me in this
manner: you know every thing is under
your eye, and I fhall be ruined without
you. Madam, fays I, you mifunder-
ftand me. I do not intend to kick the
ftool from under me. Some honeſt
gleanings of my induftry, I have cer-
tainly picked up under Sir Robert Dar-
lington, and fifty pounds a year more
comes to me by gift. Put that and
that
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 225
+4
my
that together, and I have a morfel of
bread and a morfel of butter, of
own, the year round. I have neverthe-
lefs a kind love for the Darlington's-
úfe is fecond nature.
What is your
drift, Jonathan, ſaid ſhe? Why, ma-
dam, anfwered I, to tell you in few,
the needful at once, I will continue your
fteward as ufual, but I muſt purchaſe
the furniture of my office and my par-
lour, and pay you fo much per annum
for the houfe-rent, and after that you
fhall give me fuch a yearly falary, as
in your own judgment appears ſuffici-
ent, and I muft alfo allow fo much for
my board, otherwife be permitted to
find my own diet. Only confent to
ftay, Abrahams, cries Mrs. Darlington,
and you fhall do as you pleaſe. Well,
fir, the point was at laft fettled in this
manner. I bought the things you fee
at fecond hand. Mrs. Darlington would
I s
take
226 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
take no refufal as to the compliment of
my board, and fhe was pleaſed to in-
creaſe my ftipend, fo as to make my
income comfortable. One good turn
deferves another: I have now made
myſelf as neceffary to her, as her eftate;
indeed, I have raiſed the value of her
eftate fome hundreds a year fince Sir
Robert Darlington's death; Sir Robert,
you muſt know, was an eafy man, and
let his lands always at the fame rent,"
fo that his tenants got a great deal too
fat: nay, one of them had the impu-
dence to keep a couple of better hunt-
ers than any in his landlord's ftable,
and the daughters toffed up their nofes
in fuch a faucy manner, that they
fainted at the fight of a dairy, and fet
their caps, forfooth, at a fortune. But
I foon brought their fine hunters to a
plain honeft cart-horſe, made them earn
their bread like father Adam, and
turned
·
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 227
•
turned the furbelows and flounces of
the forward young miffes, into their
decent houſewifely apparel-ay, and
put a round fum into Mrs. Darlington's
pocket into the bargain.
This was acting the man of ſpirit,
faid I, Mr. Abrahams. It was, an-
fwered Abrahams, I believe, acting, at
one and the fame time the politician,
the landlord, and the ſteward; and, be-
tween you and I, if Sir Robert had held
it out much longer, there's ne'er a mo-
ther's fon, nor daughter, upon the
grounds belonging to Darlington Lodge,
would have been worth this-(meaning
the afhes of his pipe, which he was
then gently knocking againſt the bars of
the grate). But pray, fir, drink, I be-
lieve you will find that, (pointing to the
bowl), pretty tolerable ſtuff. I now
drank, for the firſt time; for this wor-
thy ſteward had fo puzzled me by his
L 6
enig-
228 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
enigmatic converfation, and ſpoke in fo
extraordinary a manner, that he faved
his liquor by his fingularity. He had
now talked almoft half an hour (for he
was very deliberate in his articulation)
and I could not well make either one
thing or another of him.
He was, altogether, the oddeft cha-
racter which had ever yet come within
my knowledge. I was fometimes apt
to fuppofe, by his air of aufterity, that
he was a much greater man in point of
diftinction, than he pretended to be:
but there was fomething of fuperci-
liouſneſs in his manners, which was
ftrangely diſguſting. I put together
fuch parts of his conduct as amazed
me. The confeffion he made, of having
lent a man money upon a diamond ring;
his faluting a man with the greateſt cor-
diality, whom in the very next moment
he called as arrant a rafcal as any in the
three
i
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 229
three kingdoms; his never having fet
his foot within a church-his fiddleſtick
of faith; his anxioafnefs about the loft
buckle-his fquabble with the filver-
finith-his treatment of the poor female
fcavenger-his anger at the misfortune
of his nephew-his meannefs about the
fare of the coachman; with ſeveral
other circumftances, caught up in the
courſe of his laſt converfation, rendered
his conduct fo truly myftical, that I
could much fooner have folved any
mathematical difficulty, than have un-
folded the riddle that difguifed the cha
racter of Mr. Jonathan Abrahams.
The conundrum was ftill made more
intricate, when, to the ftrange matters
above, were added his more favour-
able parts of behaviour: fuch, for in-
ftance, as his gratitude for the trifling
prefent of the buckles-his modeft fi-
mile of the nut-fhell, his love of inde-
pendence
230 LIBERAL OPINIONS..
pendence his veneration for keep-
fakes his integrity to the widow Dar-
lington, whofe eftate he had improved;
his changing running-horfes to cart-
horfes; and his reducing the fly-away
farmer's daughters to a proper fenfe of
their condition. The only probable
way for a perfon who is in doubt whether
to pronounce a thing good, or bad, an
equal mixture of both, or neither ab-
folutely one or the other, is to follow
the example of every honeft trader, and,
holding the fcales with an even hand,
fairly weigh one property againſt ano-
ther. And this cuſtom, however fimple,
would, if practifed in the world, fave,
I conceive, much fcurrility and mistake;
for many characters, at firſt fight, feem-
ing to want weight, are, upon trial,
found no way defiçient; and it may pof-
fibly happen, that the fcale of indif
cretions, heavy as they may look, will
kick
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 231
kick the beam, while the fcale of vir-
tues, fuppofed wanting, fhall very ho-
nourably preponderate.
As Mr. Abrahams was fummoned out
upon fome occafion or another, juſt as
he had brought his diſcourſe and pipe
to a conclufion, I had leiſure to weigh
him as I thought proper; and, there-
fore fairly placing what made for him.
on the one hand, with what made againſt
him on the other, the equipoife was
very decently maintained: the wrong
fcale trembled, indeed, fomewhat at
firſt towards the center, but, in the end,
by making all poffible grains of allow-
ance, he appeared at leaſt to be a mighty
good meaning fort of a prudent, pains-
taking man: his errors, chiefly thofe of
affectation and habit, and his virtues
highly fuitable to the fteward of a rich
widow, who was too much a woman of
faſhion to look into her own affairs.
As
232 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
As foon, therefore, as I took Mr. Jo-
nathan out of the fcales, I made a me-
morandum of the labels to hang round
the necks of his bottles.
CHA P. LXIV.
Jonathan now returned in more buftle
than ufual, followed by a perfon, to
whom he quickly turned about, and
fpoke as follows: Ay, ay, Nabal, too
many eggs in one basket; the more
hafte, the worfe fpeed-too much of
one thing is good for nothing: lente fef-
tina: he ftumbles that goes faft; and
fo there's two hundred and fifty gone at
a flap, again: Well, well, Nabal, never
mind that, we can but be ruined, we
can but be ruined. Here he ſhook his
perriwig by the foretop, while the pow-.
der flew about the room, and beſpread
the face of Nabal, who ftill maintained
his
!
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 233
-
his ftation behind, notwithstanding
Jonathan's attempt to face him. — A
damned fprafh, indeed, cries Nabal,
wiping his face, but the man is gone
the world over. Run away too, the
rafcal, hey? anfwered Jonathan. To
the devil, faid Nabal. What's the
matter, gentlemen, faid I, I hope no
misfortune? Sir, replied Abrahams, I
have loft two hundred and fifty pounds
for doing a generous action. That's
hard, indeed, faid I: And what's worfe,
cries the ſteward, it was done with ano-
ther man's money. Poor Benjamin's
whole fortune, I can affure you: well,
Nabal, we muft make the beſt of it.
Run your eye over the Daily, and the
Gazetteer, and call again in the morn-
ing. Nabal nodded his head, and dif-
appeared, while Abrahams fat down in
his chair, begged my pardon for the
diſorder into which this unlucky ſtroke
had
234 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
had thrown him, and muttered, between
his teeth, the words, villain, caitiff, and
fcoundrel, with great fervour.
I preffed to know the caufe of this
calamity.
:
Sir, faid the ſteward, fhaking me by
the hand, I wiſh, with all my foul, that
my heart was made of adamant. I wiſh
I had no more commiferation than this
poker. A raſcal came to me, fome
time ago, with a pitiful face, whom I
knew from a baby, and thought, God
help me, as honeſt as myſelf; he would
have ſhut up ſhop-a fugar-baker, fir,
-in four hours, if I had not kept him
going. Well, fir, he wanted two hun-
dred and fifty pieces-I had no money
at home, having juſt then made a pur-¨
chaſe. Mrs. Darlington was pretty
deep in the repair-way, and I could not
command a fhilling, without breach of
truſt. What was to be done.-Oliver,
faid
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 235
!
faid I to the man, you muſt e'en make
a break of it: but he threw his tears
upon me, knowing what a fool of a
heart I had, and indeed melted me down
to fuch an ignoramus, that I touched
upon poor Ben's property, which was
left him' laſt year by his god-father, and
put the boy's whole, fortune into the
hands of this Oliver, who gave me, as
I hoped to be faved, nothing but a
couple of crazy buildings, in the worſt
part of the city, and his bond for fe-
curity. The cottages may tumble
down, or be burnt up to-night, and
he may die to-morrow; then what's
his bond good for? But now behold
you, the villain has ſhipped himſelf off
for the Devil's Arfe a Peak, the Lord
of Heaven knows where, and I may
go whiſtle for my money. But the
longer a man lives, the more he knows:
if I was to live to the age of Methu-
falem,
1
236 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
falem, I'd never do another friendly
thing to man, woman, or child. He
has cured me of that. You may de-
ceive a man once, and it's not his
fault. Deceive him again, and he ought
to be crucified. A burnt child dreads
the fire. For Oliver's fake I'll forſwear
friendſhip: I will, I will, I will!
F
In uttering this harangue, Jonathan
heated as he went; and, like a wheel
in violent motion, became at laft fo in-
tenfely hot, that at the cloſe of the
fpeech he actually fired; and while he
emphatically repeated the words, I will!
there was as much horror in his look,
fury in his eyes, blood in his face, and
froth at his mouth, as ever exhibited
themſelves in the countenance of a dog,
in the arid month of July, expiring
under the agonies of canine diſtraction.
I exhorted him to be pacified, and bade
him exert his fortitude. A fig for for-
titude,
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 237
titude, fir.
I'll burn his buildings,
and throw his bond into the middle of
the blaze, and if the hand which figned
it was there into the bargain, I would
not pull it out with a pair of tongs. I
can bear any thing but ingratitude. 'Tis
not the money, but the man, Sir, I
would have pawned my falvation on this
fellow's honefty. I don't think he ever
behaved like a fcoundrel before.-Then
furely, Mr. Abrahams, faid I, he de-
ferves a-a-He deferves a halter, re-
plied the ſteward. Tut, tut, never tell
me: once a fcoundrel, and always a
fcoundrel. By the fame rule then, Mr.
Abrahams, faid I, once an honeſt man
and always an honeft man. No fuch
thing, exclaimed Jonathan, almoſt de-
lirious, and quite hoarfe-no fuch thing.
I have known a fellow pay away money
one day, and fteal it another. Sir,
you're a young gentleman, and I'm only
4
an
238 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
1
an old fool of fixty-eight, who has
given away my poor dear Ben's property
to a raſcal-my poor Ben, whom. I love
better than my eyes! Upon this the
tears came actually into the old man's
eyes, while fympathy brought drops of
the fame fort into mine, by way, I
ſuppoſe, of keeping him company, and
I was at lofs whether moft to pity or
deſpiſe him.
I was just going to fay fomething,
infpired by my too tender heart, when
a gentle tap at the door prevented me.
Jonathan sternly bid the perfon come
in; and Benjamin himſelf, as pale as
his fhirt, made his appearance. The
poor lad, knowing the infirmity of his
uncle, and hearing his voice violently
exerted, (as his chamber was immedi-
ately over the office), came limping
down ftairs, (as the kick he received in
the knee, from the chandler, was ftill
retard-
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
239
}
retarding his recovery), and was in
hopes of adminiftering ſome affiſtance
to the ſteward. As foon, therefore, as
he entered, he forgot his lameneſs, and
ran to beg his uncle, for God's fake,
not to bring the gout into his ftomach,
which he knew muſt be the caſe, if he
continued to give way to paffion, bid-
ding him remember how bad he was
laft winter was twelvemonth, and ſaid
he had rather die himſelf, than bury his
dear, dear uncle, that brought him up,
gave him ſchooling, paid for the very
ſhirt he had upon his back, and had
moreover put out his little fortune,
which was to fet him up by and by, to
the beſt advantage.
The former part of this affectionate
fpeech, foftened the rugged nature, and
ſettled the rigid muſcles of this ſtrange
compound, and operated like a charm;
fuch and fo rapid are the tranſitions,
and
240
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
2.
1
and fo inftantly do different paffions.
take poffeffion of us but at the con-
clufion, when Benjanin mentioned the
circumftance of his uncle's great good-
nefs, in placing out his legacy to the
beft advantage, he was fo fmote by the
fecret and bitter fatire of fuch unde-
ferved praiſe, that he pofitively ſeized
his own throat, in mere deteftation of
himſelf, and gaye his forehead two or
three hearty flaps, as much as to fignify
that he was ftriking a numſkull: then
foftening again, he threw his arms over
Benjamin's neck, and thus they re-
mained for feveral minutes, clinging
together. A ftroke of nature, and the
pathetic, has more charms for me, than
the gold of Ophir.
The ſcene before me could be painted
only by the power that can filence the
roaring of the fea, and fubdue the fero-
city of the panther.-I beheld, the lover
of
:
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 241
of money, and the flave of paffion,
melting into the tender charities of the
relation. I yielded to the occafion, and
(however indiſcreet) indulged my tem-
per. The inftruments of writing were
in the room, and, while the uncle and
nephew were locked in embraces, I
wrote a few words upon a flip of paper,
laid it upon the table, and hurried out
of the apartment.-I had just got into
the fitting room, when a knocking at
the ſtreet-door announced the return of
my cousins.
CHA P. LXV.
A
Readers there are, I know, of fo cri-
tical and inquifitive a temper, that every
point muſt be cleared up as they go on,
or elſe the poor author is directly ac-
cuſed of inconfiftency. As it is my
hearty
VOL. II.
M
242 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
+
hearty with, ſhould I come into print,
to fatisfy all perufers and purchaſers,
of whatſoever denomination, I ſhall now
fettle fome matter, which might other-
wife fit a little hard upon a critical
ftomach. And firft, as to circumſtances
of time and place.
It may feem a little odd, that Mr.
Benjamin hould have fo ruftic an air
about him, feeing that he was refident
in a very faſhionable family, attended
his ladies in St. James's Park, and had
the pattern of fo London-looking `a
character as Mr. Abrahams before him.
Be it known, therefore, that, till within
theſe few months, Benjamin lived as a
fort of upper fervant at the country feat,
which bore the name of Darlington
Lodge, where this young lad was in-
ftructed in the office of furveying, by a
country fchool-mafter; who, with the
excifeman, two or three farmers, the
landlord
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 243
landlord of the Three Blue Bells, and
the reſt of Mrs. Darlington's domeftics,
with a few cottagers, made the inhabi-
tants of the whole village; and he was
now in town, at the earneſt defire of
Mrs. Darlington herfelf.
Whether this defire proceeded origi-
nally and entirely from her, is a point
no way incumbent upon me to meddle
with at prefent. Certain, however, it
is, that the youth himſelf had no fort of
objection to it; for Mr. Chriftopher
Dennis, (the father of his friend Nancy),
formerly lived and manufactured the
mild ale at the Three Blue Bells afore-
faid; but, on a recommendation fröm
the 'fquire of the next village, he was
now promoted to manufacture malt and
hops, at a capital brewery in the Bo-
rough of London, and there, (as the
reader has feen), refided with him
M 2
Nancy
244 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
Nancy Dennis, the friend of Mr. Ben-
jamin.
Now, fome may think, that the pride
of the ſteward would have prevented
him from fuffering his nephew to re-
main as a fervant, though a favourite
fervant: fome may be furprifed, that
Mrs. Darlington did not diſcover the
affection of her niece for this young
fellow, through all the affectation of
diſguiſes; while others may exprefs
their wonder, that, after having made
fo many wife refolutions, I fhould do fo
rab an action as that mentioned in the
clofe of the laft chapter; for I will not
attribute to any of my readers fo little
fagacity, as not to ſuppoſe they all un-
derſtand, that, upon the flip of paper
left upon the ſteward's table was written
a draught upon my agent (with whom
the reader will be preſently acquainted)
for
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 245
for the fum of two hundred and fifty
pounds.
Now to defend either this point, or
any others, ſo as to labour at explaining
away their blame or errour, I never
fhall pretend. This Hiftory is not de-
figned to be the ftage for thofe imaginary
gods and goddeffes to act on, who never
ſaid or did an ill thing; but the mat-
ters herein related, are neither more, or
lefs, than ſome ſcenes, repreſenting and
delineating mere human life, where cha-
racters and actions are diſplayed with all
their beauties and blemiſhes, as blended
in the conſtitution by nature; and
brought out by occafion. As far, there-
fore, as it is neceffary for me to clear
up circumſtances, which have reference
to the rules of compofition, ſo far will
I ſtudy to eaſe the mind of the reader,
but no farther. Should he, therefore
fay to himſelf, this is ftrange, that is
odd,
M 3
246 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
odd, this is fooliſh, and that is abſurd;
I can only anſwer, once for all, that I
am nevertheleſs an impartial biogra-
pher; and it would be very hard if it
were expected I ſhould not only deſcribe
ſtrangeness and oddity, folly and abfur-
dity, but anfwer for it too. No, my
dear reader, this burden I totally ſhift
from my-fhoulders. I tell you faith-
fully what has happened, and diſcover
to you not only incidents but the per-
fons of the drama: be it thy bufinefs to
account for, and to analize, to cenfure,
and to condemn.
Indeed, I fhall not, I fear, be able to
clear up my own conduct to all readers;
and, notwithſtanding all which has been
done, many will call me a fool, many
a madman, and more will wonder. I am
not now dying, rather in a ditch, than
in a foreft. Poffibly, however, fome
may pity, and fome may weep: there
are,
J
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 247
are, it is prefumed, certain paffages in
thefe adventures, levelled particularly
at people of feeling. Such characters
will haply beſtow fome tears to my
misfortunes, and if they do,-let them
not haftily wipe them from the cheek,
becauſe they can never look un-
graceful.
Thus much then has been faid, that
the reader may not expect more than is
intended, and now, having entered a
caveat againſt all misapprehenfions, and
written a chapter, for this explanatory
purpoſe, I cordially invite the readers
company and attention again, to what
I fhall, without any farther ceremony,
fet before him.-
M 4
CHAP
248 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
CHA P. LXVI.
Alicia took hold of my hand, like a
good-natured, lively cozen, at her re-
turn, and, after ſhe had aſked how the
poor fellow's knee above ſtairs did, told
me, that ſhe had found out a compa-
nion for me, and that he would break-
faft with me in the morning. She then
was about to withdraw to her dreffing-
room, to pull off her finery, and enjoy
the comforts of an undrefs; comforts
which are none of the leaft, for furely
nothing can be more diſagreeable than
to fit in one's own houfe, (after the
fatigues of viſiting), under a load of
nonfenfical ornaments, and fuperfluous
decoration; with hoops ſpreading out
their formidable immenfity, filks en-
dangering of a foil, pendents dangling
at the ear, and ruffles bandaging up the
elbow.
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 249
elbow. To lay afide thefe, therefore,
till fancy fummoned them again from
the drawer, Alicia had now opened the
parlour-door; from which fhe beheld
Something that changed her whole beha-
viour in a moment; and (though fhe
was humming an Italian air the moment
before), utterly altered her tune. This
fomething, was Mr. Benjamin, who was
then hopping across the room into
which the parlour-door opened, under
his crutch, in his way from his uncle's
office to his chamber: for the poor
lad's knee was was ftill very painful,
and the apothecary ftrongly enjoined
reſt, to prevent, as he faid, an impoſt-
humation, and all vicious propenfity to
humours.
›
The handle of the door was ftill in
Alicia's hand, and being rather loofe, it
rattled as fhe trembled. I was clofe to
her on the other fide; but yet no arti-
M 5
fice
250 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
fice could poffibly conceal her agitation :
Benjamin bowed, as well as his lame-
nefs permitted him, and paffed on.
Luckily, however, for the lady, Mrs.
Darlington went immediately from her
carriage to her dreffing-room, where
fhe ftill remained. When fhe had fome-
what collected herfelf, fhe looked me
full in the face, without fpeaking a
word, then lifting up her hands and
eyes, fhe cried out, Oh God! Oh
God! What a fool I am, and how ridi-
culous do I make myſelf: then hurry-
ing away, fhe hid her face, and tottered
up into her chamber.
The paffion of Alicia had now fairly
confpired with opportunity to betray
her, and the exact fituation of her
mind became too palpable to be
miſtaken nor was it poffible to know
the temper, without pitying the paſ-
fion; for fhe was a girl of a very ambi-
:
tious
LIBERAL OPINIONS: 251
tious difpofition, had the loftieft notions
of rank, and heartily hated her-
ſelf for entertaining any tender fenti-
ments towards an object fo much be-
neath her.
Such, indeed, was her pride or pru-
dence, that though, (vulgarly ſpeak-
ing), fhe doated on Benjamin to dif
traction, that very Benjamin never
once fufpected it. And, contrary to
the general cuſtom of young ladies in
love, ſhe had no confidante, or fecret-
keeper, of her own fex-in the houſe I
mean to whom the imparted her
flame.
"She never told her love,
But let concealment, like a worm o' th' bud,
Feed on her damaſk cheek.”
To this guarded conduct, perhaps,
it was, that Mrs. Darlington herſelf did
not fufpect the attachment; or if ſhe
M 6
did
252 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
!
did fufpect it, fhe poffibly trufted to her
niece's fuperior ideas, and love of fplen-
dour, which the imagined would fave
her from any indifcretion. There is,
however, no oppofing this ftrange paf-
fion, againſt another. The war is un-
equal, and if intricacy and entangle-
ment takes place among the troops of
love, the enemy is generally worfted;
ambition itſelf is put to flight, and the
tender tyrant takes the field. It plainly
appeared from this, and many other
inftances, that Alicia was refolved either
to die or conquer: but alas! with all
her vivacity, pride, difdain, and haughty
determinations, fome decifive circum-
ftances took place, foon after this,
which humbled her ſpirit, and reduced
the fultaneſs to the flave. But for a re-
capitulation of theſe matters, intereſting
as they are, the reader muſt have philo-
ſophy enough to wait, or elſe ſkip over
fome
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 253
fome pages, which, it is hoped, are
not unworthy his perufal.
I must not omit here, to mention a
piece of literary policy, in not prefixing
to each of my chapters a correct
abridgment of the matter therein con-
tained, in imitation of feveral great
writers: for, befides that I take this
fort of anticipation to be the way to
foreſtal the market, it leaves little for
the reader on which to exercife his ima-
gination the charm of furprize is to-
tally taken off: he knows, in five lines,
what is to be talked over again in as
many leaves, and it would be his
cheapeſt way to buy only the table of
contents, which is at leaſt the cream of
the jeft, and the mere milk may go to
the cat, if it will.
Alicia was one day reading a new
romance, to a circle of ladies, who were
working round the fire at their needles :
5
the
254 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
the author informed them only that he
begun with chapter the firft, and cour-
teouſly defired they would courteouſly
read on to chapter the laft. Lord, faid
one of the ladies, what a provoking
man this is, we must go quite through
the book, without knowing what it is
upon. In the middle of the firft vo-
lume, the heroine (as is ufual) was
defperately, and (as is uſual) unhappily,
in love. Read away, my dear Alicia,
cries a fprightly lafs, I wonder to my
foul what's next. A few chapters more
threw the heroine into fuch a critical
fituation, that the fair reader and her
audience quite raved with impatience.
One of them caught the book, and be-
gan to read at the laft chapter of the
first volume; another wanted much to
fee how it ended. This, however, would
not do, they found the author talking
of quite a different fubject, and were
vexed
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
255
yexed with themſelves to think, that
while they were wafting time in turning
over the pages to no purpoſe, they
might have come to the crifis of the
ftory they were upon, and got half way
into another. This reflection gave them
freſh ſpirits, Alicia began where fhe
left off: the hiſtory improved in its pro-
grefs, fometimes they left working to
laugh, and fometimes to cry; and when
they arrived at the laft chapter, like a
man who had taken a delightful but too
fhort a ride, thro' a pleaſant and vari-
ous country, they lamented that it was
done, and could wish to go over the
ground again.
For theſe reaſons have I avoided the
bill of fare, which ſpecifies every dish.
I will make the banquet as pleafant as
poffible, but the reader must not ſpoil
his dinner by a tafte before it is ready,
but eat a hearty meal, and take a flice
of
256 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
of every thing at table; which I hope
he may be able to do without palling
his appetite. Let Alicia and her paf-
fion, therefore, amuſe themſelves toge-
ther, till it is proper to bring them
again upon the fcene: at preſent they
make their exit, to introduce, what
is generally welcome, a new acquaint-
ance.
CHA P. LXVII.
We were ſcarce feated at breakfaſt,
when the footman brought in the name
of Mr. Draper, and in five feconds af-
terwards Mr. Draper made his appear-
ance and as mirth-infpiring a perfon
he had as ever was exh bited. He looked
about thirty, his features were conftantly
on the fmile; he was inclined to no
more than an agreeable corpulency ;
his eyes were briſk and blue; his com-
plexion
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 257
1
plexion fair, almoſt to freckles and effe-
minacy, and his forehead without a
wrinkle indeed there was no fymptom
either of care or caution, forrow or ſuf-
fering, about his character.. The eafi-
nefs of his manner, however, the viva-
city of his remark, and the complacence
of his whole carriage, were fo extremely
adapted to the moments which are de-
voted to china and chatter, that he was
furely born to be a neceffary appendage
to the tea-table-a cup of him once a
day, might be pleafing enough, but, I
fuppofed, that if he was to be taken for
a conftancy, he would have a tendency
(like the tea itſelf) to create the spleen,
demolish the nerves, and promote the
vapours. He was, in ſhort, all laugh,
loll, and liberty, and I fet him down,
before he laid his ſpoon acroſs the cup,
as a mere petit-maître; in which con-
clufion, I was full as near the truth, as
people
258 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
people generally are, who, led away by
the glance, are too giddy, or too proud,
to imagine they may be miſtaken.
Perhaps, there are a great many cafes
where it is quite wrong to believe ones
own eyes; at leaſt, he who fuppofes hẹ
can develope the human character, at a
fingle view, will have many a mortify-
ing inftance to queftion his fagacity,
and often commit blunders, beneath
the penetration of a puppy. Mr.
Draper was more agreeable than the
fugar, and there was really fo much
cream in his converfation, that our
morning's repaft, was unufually focial:
even Alicia, ſeemed for a while to forget
her Benjamin; Mrs. Darlington ſmiled
at as much as fhe could hear; and I,
perfectly charmed into filence, confi-
dered Mr. Draper, as the moſt enter-
taining young man in the whole world.
Yes,
LIBERAL OPINIONS. 259
Yes, faid I to myſelf, foftly, this is the
very acquaintance I wanted; what a
fortunate introduction!-How eafy he
fits in his chair! what breeding in his
ftep, what polite pliability in his bow!
-what a flow of words! and what
pleafantry in his ideas! I fuppofe now
he is the moſt poliſhed character of his
age; but I am afraid I make but a ſo ſo
fort of figure beſide him: ſome how, or
another, my hands, are in my way, I
fcarce know what to do with my legs;
I can't conceive how I got this nafty
trick of playing with my buttons; and
what the deuce can make me feel eafier
alone, or with Benjamin, than with fuch
a genteel circle as this before me !—yet
why do I indulge thefe thoughts? Rome
was not built in a day; and I dare fay,
it takes fome time to make a man a gen-
tleman! the hour may yet come, when
I may
}
260 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
I may be as eafy and affable as Mr.
Draper.
Mr. Draper was entering into a ſpi-
rited burleſque on the infipidity of vi-
fiting parties, and playing with his
watch-chain with as much careleffneſs as
if he had got the whole converfation by
rote, while I entered into this foliloquy,
during which I fixed my eyes directly
on the tea-board, this fit of cogitation
was foon invaded, by a ſmart tap on the
ſhoulder from Mr. Draper, who putting
up my reflections to auction, became
himſelf the firft bidder, and offered a
penny for my thoughts.
Then came on
(which, by the
bye I had not altered), but Draper faid,
he would walk with me to his taylor, in
the courſe of the excurfion he had in
ftore for me; not, cries he, that I would
have you ſuppoſe I am bigotted to frip-
pery,
the fubject of my drefs,
LIBERAL OPINIONS.
261
pery, even though you now fee me fo
APEFIED; but the ridicule of fools, is
ten times keener than the cut of a razor;
if cuſtom bids a man be a monkey,
he muſt e'en adopt the character, fir;
and I would either dress or strip, rather
than be the topic of a moment's titter,
to any man breathing. To laugh is ex-
quifite, but to be the ſubject of laughter,
is to me the agony of the damned. For
theſe reaſons, my dear lad, adopt the
abfurdity of the times, though it ſhould
command you to wear a doublet of
gauze in the winter, and a jerkin of
flannel in the dog-days. What ſay you,
Benignus, fhall we move? 'tis too early
for the ladies, and we may enjoy many
a delicious joke as we go on.
As my cold was much mended, and
I admired Mr. Draper, even more than
fugar-candy; and as I had befides an
eager
A
262 LIBERAL OPINIONS.
eager curioſity to fee and know more of
his character, I readily embraced his
offer, and making our 'adieu's to the
ladies, we walked out of the room like
old acquaintance, arm in arm toge-
ther.
END OF THE SECOND VOLUME:
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