ARTES
1817
SCIENTIA
VERITAS
LIBRARY
OF THE
UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN
PLURIBUS
TUEBOR
· QUÆRIS PENINSULAM-AMⱭNĀM”
CIRCUMSPICE
THIS BOOK
FORMS PART OF THE
ORIGINAL LIBRARY
OF THE
UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN
BOUGHT IN EUROPE
1838 TO 1839
BY
ASA GRAY
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M713
TABLE-TALK.
3
EDINBURGH:
PRINTED BY BALLANVYNE & CO.
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5764
CONSTABLES MISCELLANY
OF
(Driginal and Selected Publications
IN THE VARIOUS DEPARTMENTS
OF
LITERATURE, SCIENCE, & THE ARTS
VOL. X.
TABLE-TALK.

Laggraved on Steel by WilJazars,
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bir George 200

TABLE-TALK;
OR,
SELECTIONS FROM THE ANA.
CONTAINING
EXTRACTS FROM THE DIFFERENT COLLECTIONS
OF ANA,
FRENCH, ENGLISH, ITALIAN,
AND GERMAN.
WITH BIBLIOGRAPHICAL NOTICES.
EDINBURGH:
PRINTED FOR CONSTABLE AND CO.
1827.
PREFACE
CONTENTS.
PART I. FRENCH.
Page
vii
MENAGIANA
15
HUETIANA
47
CHEVREANA
65
MARVILLIANA (VIGNEUL)
77
VALESIANA
101
MISCELLANEOUS ANA
108
SERIOUS AND COMIC ANA
125
GASCONIANA
133
COMEDIANA
139
VOLTAIRIANA
148
PART II. ENGLISH.
SELDENIANA
WALPOLE'S REMINISCENCES
ENCE
WALPOLIANA
JOHNSONIANA
•
OMNIANA (SOUTHEY'S)
PART III. ITALIAN.-GERMAN.
165
181
194
231
277
FOGGIANA
299
LUTHER'S COLLOQUIA MENSALIA
ALIA
311
•
ALPHABETICAL INDEX
321
PREFACE.
THE taste for those collections which, un-
der the title of Ana, form so conspicuous and
so interesting a portion of French literature,
is both of high antiquity, and wide extent.
The same blending of moral apothegms, of
critical remarks, of serious and comic anec-
dotes, of scientific or literary information,
which distinguishes the French Ana, is to be
traced, more or less modified by natural ha-
bits, and the state of human knowledge, in
the Nasr Eddin, the Bassiri, and Teudai of
the Turks and Arabians, in the Memorabilia
of Plato and Xenophon, in the Enchiridion
of Arrian, and in the Noctes Attica of Au-
lus Gellius. The Bons Mots of Cicero we
know were compiled by no less a person than
Julius Cæsar, while another collection of his
good things, we are told by Quinctilian, was
made by a freedman under the title, De Jo-
cis Ciceronis. Quinctilian himself has fa-
voured us with not a few specimens of the
Roman Orator's jocular vein, from which
viii
PREFACE.
we may fairly conclude, that these collec-
tions of his sayings would have borne no in-
considerable resemblance to the comic por-
tion of the Menagiana.
In modern Italy the taste for such collec-
tions seems to have been not less general. Of
the older works of this class little is known;
though there is every reason to think that
the Facetic and Poggiana of Poggio were
by no means the earliest works of the kind.
Many of the novels of Boccaccio are merely
repartees and remarks attributed to celebra-
ted persons, in the style of the Poggiana,
and the collection attributed to Æneas Syl-
vius Piccolomini; and nearly one half of the
tales of Sacchetti are composed of anecdotes
of this kind. The Facetice of Poggio, how-
ever, is the only Italian work of this class
which is generally known. It embodies the
scandal of the time, and the coarsely licen-
tious, but often singularly comic tales and
anecdotes, with which Poggio and the other
clerks of the Roman Chancery used to amuse
themselves in an apartment of the Vatican,
to which they had given the appropriate name
of the Buggiale, or as Poggio himself trans-
lates it, Mendaciorum Officina. Unfortu-
nately, the best articles in that collection are
so strongly tinctured with coarseness or ob-
scenity, that few specimens of it can be ex-
hibited in translation.
PREFACE.
ix
In Germany again, the Loci Communes of
Melancthon and the Colloquia Mensalia of
Luther, though differing in the character of
their contents from the coarser works of the
Italians, belong also to the class of Ana. The
first is remarkable for the theological learn-
ing it displays, and the information it com-
municates, as to the early state of the re-
formed church. The second is a most sin-
gular record of the conversations of the
reformers; in which learning is strangely
blended with gross ignorance on some points,
clear and acute reasoning with mysticism,
and a vigorous and intrepid spirit of inquiry,
with the grossest superstition and credulity.
But it is to France that we are indebted for
the most interesting, instructive, and amu-
sing works of this class. And, accordingly,
it is from these sources that the present vo-
lume has been principally derived. Of these
collections, the earliest, in point of date, is
the Scaligerana, which professes to contain
the opinions and conversations of Joseph
Scaliger, and was published in 1699. But
the work is altogether unworthy of that
great name, and affords little which is cal-
culated to afford either amusement or in-
struction. From the remaining collections
liberal extracts have been made, particular-
ly from the Menagiana, and the Melanges d'
Histoire et de Littérature of Vigneul Marville,
X
PREFACE.
and short notices of the authors have been
prefixed to the selections from each.
English Literature affords but few works
of this kind, and it can scarcely be said that
any of these possesses distinguished merit.
The Table-Talk of Selden derives its chief
interest from the learned name with which
it is associated. The Walpoliana is the one
which approaches nearest to the character
of the French Ana. Some of the most stri-
king passages in the conversations of John-
son, extracted from Boswell's Life, are added
under the head of Johnsoniana; and a few
selections from the valuable, but imperfectly
known Omniana of Southey, close the ex-
tracts from the English Ana.
EDINBURGH, July 1827.
TABLE-TALK.
PART I. FRENCH.
B
TABLE-TALK.
MENAGIANA.
[MENAGE was born at Angers, 15th August 1613, and was
the son of an advocate in that city. From his earliest youth
he was distinguished by his inclination to study, and a pro-
digious memory, which he retained in perfection to the close
of his life. He applied himself to the study of law, and was
admitted an advocate before the Parliament of Paris in 1632;
he continued for some time to practise with tolerable suc-
cess, but in consequence of a severe attack of rheumatism, he
quitted the bar, and became an ecclesiastic. He seems to
have been led to this step principally by the facilities for
study, which this profession afforded, for he now directed
his whole attention to literature; and having soon after-
wards acquired the particular friendship of Cardinal de Retz,
he accepted of a situation in the household of that prelate,
where he continued to enjoy the sweets of study and retired
leisure, with such an admixture of intercourse with the
world, and with men of learning, as was most agreeable to
his habits. By the death of his father in 1648, he succeeded
to a considerable fortune, and shortly afterwards was ap-
pointed to the Priory of Montdidier, to the emoluments de-
rived from which, was afterwards added a pension from Car-
dinal Mazarin. He died in July 1692.
It
The Menagiana, which is the work by which this learned
scholar and wit is best known in England, appeared at first
in an imperfect shape soon after his death, in 1693, but was
afterwards enlarged, corrected, and republished in four vo-
lumes, by the celebrated Bertrand de la Monnoie in 1715.
is perhaps the most amusing of all the collections of Ana, from
the varied and discursive information which it embodies, and
the happy mixture of wit, humour, and comic narrative,
with the graver elements of criticism, reasoning, and anti-
quarian research. The additions by La Monnoie, which are,
generally speaking, of a more serious nature, and amount to
two volumes, are not the least valuable part of the work,
particularly from the corrections which they contain of oc-
casional errors, into which Menage, who perhaps trusted a
16
TABLE-TALK.
little too much to his prodigious memory, has occasionally
fallen.]
I. A SELECT AUDIENCE.
I SAID of a professor who had no one in his
class, that this was "the voice of one crying in the
desert." This puts me in mind of one who, in or-
der to make up an audience, was obliged to request
his friends to be present. Happening to ask one
of them who had been absent, the reason of his
stay, he told him that he was afraid of breaking in
upon his solitude.
II: MADAME CORNUEL.
Madame de Ville Savin having died at the age
of ninety-three, Madame Cornuel, who was only
six years younger, observed-"Alas! she was the
only one left between death and me."
III. IMPROMPTUS.
It is a difficult matter to make a good impromp-
tu. I believe, for my own part, that none are good
but those that are made at leisure.
IV. THE THREE RACANS.
One of the best of Bois Robert's stories was
that of the Three Racans. Two friends of the
Marquis de Racan were aware that he intended
waiting upon Mademoiselle de Gournai. She was
of Gascony, of a temper somewhat lively and pas-
sionate; and being a woman of talent, had express-
ed considerable impatience, on arriving at Paris, to
be introduced to Racan, whom she had never seen.
One of these gentlemen anticipating, by an hour
or two, the period of the intended visit, ordered the
servant to announce M. Racan. He was received
with transport. He talked for a long time of Ma-
demoiselle Gournai's works, which he had studied
MENAGIANA.
17
1
on purpose, and took his departure, leaving her
quite delighted with the conversation of M. Racan.
Scarcely had he gone, when the servant announced
another M. Racan. She thought at first that her
visitor had forgot something, and had returned on
that account. She was just preparing to address
him, when a stranger entered and saluted her with
much gravity. Mademoiselle de Gournai could
not help asking him several times over, whether or
not he was really Racan, and related to him what
had passed. The pretended Racan affected to be
very much annoyed by the trick which had been
played him, and threatened vengeance against the
perpetrator. In fact Mademoiselle de Gournai
was still better pleased with this visitor than the
last, for he praised her works still more warmly.
He had scarcely effected his retreat, when the real
Racan was announced. The lady lost all patience.
"What!" said she, "more Racans still-show him
up, however." The moment he entered, Made-
moiselle de Gournai, assuming a high tone, asked
whether he came there for the purpose of insulting
her. M. de Racan, who was not a very ready ora-
tor, and who had anticipated a very different re-
ception, was so confounded, that he could only
stammer out a reply. The lady, conceiving that
this was really some person who had been sent for
the purpose of insulting her, now lost all temper,
and pulling off her slipper, belaboured the unfor-
tunate author, till he was glad to make a precipi-
tate retreat from the house.
V. MOLIERE.
A poet once presented to the Prince an epitaph
on Moliere. "I had much rather," said the Prince,
“that it was he that brought me yours."
B 2
18
TABLE-TALK.
VI. A DISAGREEABLE HYPOTHESIS.
Two persons were once engaged in an argu-
ment. "Suppose," said one of them," that you
owe me two thousand crowns." "I wish," replied
the other, "that you would suppose some other
hypothesis."
VII. M. MARTINON.
M. Martinon, advocate, was extremely dark.
He had his picture painted by Legoux of Angers,
and allowed it to remain for a long time with the
painter, before he sent for it. Legoux said to him
one day, "Sir, I think you had better send for
your portrait, for the landlord of the Moor's Head
has been applying for it."
VIII. ADAM.
An advocate of Thoulouse, named Adam, was
in the habit of composing the speeches delivered
by the Advocate General; but having on one
occasion fallen sick, the Advocate General was
obliged to make his speech in the best way he
could. While he was delivering his oration, a
counsellor, who saw that he was terribly at a loss,
rose up, and exclaimed, "Adam, where art thou ?”
IX. M. DE BAUTRU.
"It is a strange thing," said M. de Bautru,
"that the Friars of the Minimes eat nothing but
fish, and yet that they always smell of shoulder of
mutton."
X. M. LAUNOI.
It is rather odd that Launoi, who was so ex-
pert at discovering the dates of antiquity, should
have omitted that of his own testament.
serted the year, but forgot the day.
XI. APOPLEXY.
He in-
A slight touch of apoplexy may be called a re-
taining fee on the part of Death.
MENAGIANA.
19
XII. THE LATEST INFORMATION.
M. de E
was relating a story. M. de
B said to him, "That cannot be, for I have
a letter of the 31st, which says the contrary."
"Ah,” replied the narrator," but mine is of the
32d !"
XIII. IMMORTALITY.
Bautru, in presenting a poet to M. d'Hemery,
addressed him, "Sir, I present to you a person
who will give you immortality; but you must give
him something to live upon in the meantime."
XIV. THE CURATE OF ANJOU.
A curate in Anjou, a man of very disorderly
habits, had a quarrel with a sergeant of the neigh-
bourhood. The sergeant having suddenly disap-
peared, every one suspected the curate, his avowed
enemy, of having made away with him. It hap-
pened that a criminal, who had been executed, was
exposed on the gallows, within a league or two of
the curate's residence. His relations took down
the body secretly, and threw it, with the cord about
its neck, into a neighbouring pond. Some fisher-
men found the body in their nets, and the matter
being taken up by the police, every one flocked to
see the corpse of the criminal. As it was extreme-
ly disfigured, the prejudices which were univer-
sally entertained against the curate, led them to
believe that this must be the body of the sergeant.
The curate was immediately arrested, tried, and
condemned to be hanged. When he saw that death
was inevitable, he thus addressed his judges.
"It
is true that it was I that murdered the sergeant;
but I am unjustly condemned, and all those who
have given evidence against me are false witnesses.
The body which you have found, and on account
20
TABLE-TALK.
of which I have been tried, is not that of the ser-
geant. The real corpse of the sergeant will be found
in a certain part of my garden, along with that of his
dog." The judges immediately instituted a search
within the garden of the curé, and everything was
found to be as he had described.
XV. THE RETORT COURTEOUS.
M. le Comte de
was, like many others
who take the name of Count, without the property.
In a company where I was present, he once endea-
voured to turn into ridicule an abbé, who, accord-
ing to custom, had assumed the name, without pos-
sessing a benefice. "It is strange," said he, "that
we should have known each other so long, and yet
that I don't know whereabouts your abbey lies."
"What!" said the abbé, " don't you know? It is
within your county."
XVI. AN AGREEABLE ANTAGONIST.
We are never so well pleased with an anta-
gonist, as when he makes an objection to which
we are provided with a good answer.
XVII. CASAUBON.
Casaubon being present during the discussion
of a thesis in the Sorbonne, listened to a very
long and stubborn dispute, which was carried on in
a style so barbarous and unintelligible to him, that
he could not help remarking, as he left the hall,
"I never listened to so much Latin before without
understanding it!"
XVIII. M. DE L'ESTANG AND MAROLLES.
M. de l'Estang is the author of the Port-
royal Règles de bien Traduire. He has selected
all his specimens of good translation from the works
of Dablancourt or Portroyal, and those of bad
translation from the writings of Marolles, who, in
MENAGIANA.
21
!
truth, thought rather of making many volumes than
good ones.
M. de Marolles was greatly enraged
at this, and complained of it loudly. M. de l'Es-
tang, anxious to conciliate him, chose for this pur-
pose Easter-day, when M. de Marolles was about
to receive the sacrament; and placing himself, as
he knelt, beside him, "Sir," said he, "you are
offended with me, and not without reason; but
this is a time for mercy, and I entreat your par-
don." "Under such circumstances," replied Ma-
rolles, "it is impossible for me to refuse it. Go,
sir, I pardon you." Meeting him some days after,
Marolles said to him, "Do you think, sir, that
we are quit? You have cheated me out of a par-
don which I had no intention of granting to you.”
XIX. M. DE BAUTRU.
M. de Bautru had been often pressed by the
Queen to show her his wife. At last she told him
plainly, that she was determined to be presented to
her. Bautru, who had resisted as long as he pos-
sibly could, promised to bring her with him after
dinner; "but, please your Majesty," added he, "she
is terribly deaf." Ó, no matter," said the Queen,
"I will talk loud." He immediately went home to
prepare his wife for the interview, and warned her to
speak as loud as possible, as the Queen would be
unable otherwise to understand her. He brought
her to the Louvre in the evening, and the Queen im-
mediately opened the conference by bawling as
loudly as possible, while Madame de Bautru an-
swered her in the same tone. The King, who had
been apprised of the whole by Bautru, laughed with
all his heart at the scene. At last the Queen, who
perceived it, said to Madame de Bautru,
"Is it
not the case that Bautru has made you believe that
22
TABLE-Talk.
I am deaf?" Madame de Bautru admitted that
it was so. "Ah, the villain !" continued the Queen,
" he told me the same of you.
**
XX. M. DE BAUTRU.
M. de Bautru told me one day, that during
his embassy to Spain he went one day to visit the
library in the Escurial, and saw at once, from the
conversation which he had with the librarian, that
he was an extremely ill-informed, and incompetent
person for the situation. He was afterwards in-
troduced to the King, with whom he talked of the
beauties of the palace, and of the choice which he
had made of a librarian. He told him he had im-
mediately perceived that he was no common per-
son, and that, in his opinion, his Majesty would do
well to make him superintendant of his finances.
"Why so?" said the King. "Sire," said Bautru,
as he has taken so little from your books, it is
probable he may take as little from your finances."
XXI. M. DE BAUTRU.
Bautru disliked Angely, who was very fond of
amusing himself at his expense. One day that
Angely was at a party where he was playing the
fool in every possible way, Bautru entered. As
soon as Angely perceived him, "You are just come
in time," said he, "to assist me. I was begin-
ning to feel tired of being alone." It is inconcei-
vable how much Bautru was annoyed by the re-
mark.
XXII. INTENTIONAL ERRATA.
Besides the ordinary mistakes which take place
Brantome, in his Life of the Marechal de Strozzi, re-
lates the same story of the wife of Brusquet and Catharine
of Medici.
MENAGIANA.
23
in printing, there are others which are some-
times purposely committed, in order to have an
opportunity of introducing into the Errata, what
could not have been permitted in the body of the
work. In those countries, for instance, where the
Inquisition exists, and particularly in Rome, the
use of the word Fatum, or Fata, in any printed
work, is forbidden. An author who wished to
make use of the latter, adopted this scheme.-He
printed the word, throughout his book, Facta ;
and then, in the Errata, he placed a notice, For
Facta, read Fata. A similar expedient was resort-
ed to by Scarron. He had composed some verses,
to which he had prefixed a dedication, in these
words:" A Guillemette, chienne de ma soeur.'
Sometime after, having quarrelled with his sister,
just as he was preparing for the press a collection of
his poems, he maliciously printed among the Er-
rata of the Book, For "Chienne de ma soeur,"
read, "Ma chienne de soeur.'
"
XXIII. DOMESTIC ECONOMY.
"
Some courtiers were talking of their house-
hold affairs, and in particular of the wages they
gave their servants. One of them observed that he
gave his maître d'hotel a hundred pistoles; a se-
cond, that he allowed his six hundred; “And I,”
said one, 66 I go far beyond either of you, for I al-
low mine four thousand francs per annum." At first
the whole party were astonished at this exorbitant
allowance. At last one of them thought of put-
ting the question, "But, do you pay him ?” “Ob,
no," said he.
XXIV. CARDINAL RICHELIEU.
A gentleman was once talking very loudly to
the Prince de Guémene against the Cardinal de
24
TABLE-TALK.
Richelieu. "Speak lower," said he; "there are
some of his creatures who may overhear you."
They were poor people who came to receive their
usual alms.
XXV. CARDINAL RICHELIEU.
Amidst the important occupations of the Car-
dinal Richelieu, he generally found time to un-
bend a little from the fatigue attendant on the mi-
nistry. He was fond of violent exercises, particu-
larly after meals, but did not like to be surprised
in these moments of amusement and pleasure. M.
de Boisrobert, who was constantly with him, told
me that one day M. de Grammont, who, at the
Palais Royal, was considered as one of the family,
(having espoused one of the Cardinal's nieces,)
and who, of course, possessed the liberty of free
entry at all times, broke in upon the Cardinal after
dinner, while amusing himself with leaping in the
great gallery. M. de Grammont, like an able
courtier, told the Cardinal he could leap much
better than he, and immediately began leaping five
or six times. The Cardinal, who was as accom-
plished a courtier as himself, perfectly understood
his meaning, and afterwards distinguished him more
than ever by his favour.
XXVI. CARDINAL RICHELIEU.
Richelieu was extremely suspicious. Desnoyers,
his valet-de-chambre, was the only person allow-
ed to sleep in his apartment, or to awaken him.
Before lying down, he was in the custom of in-
specting every corner of the room.
One day,
while searching under the bed of his valet-de-
chambre, he found two bottles of wine, which the
servant had placed there in order to quench his
thirst during the night. He immediately concei-
MENAGIANA.
25
ved they were poison, and forced him to drink off
both in his presence.
XXVII. M. SACHOT.
M. Sachot was pleading for a baker, whose nose,
or part of it, had been pulled off by a neighbour in
a quarrel in the street. The advocate on the other
side, who scarcely possessed a nose at all, in the
course of his speech, attempted to turn the whole
matter into ridicule. "My brother," said Sachot,
in his reply,
seems to treat the matter lightly
Very probably he thinks a nose is of no conse-
quence."
XXVIII. THE ARCHBISHOP OF LYONS.
The Archbishop of Lyons had his hands com-
pletely distorted and disfigured by the gout. He
was once engaged in play at cards, and had gain-
ed a thousand pistoles. "I should not mind it,"
said the losing party, " if my money had not got
into the ugliest hand in the kingdom." "That is
false," said the Archbishop; "I know one that
is still uglier.” "I'll wager thirty pistoles you
don't," said the other. The Archbishop immedi-
ately drew off the glove which covered his left
hand, and the gamester acknowledged he had lost
his wager.*
XXIX. MADAME DE BOURDONNE.
Madame de Bourdonne, Canoness of Remire-
mont, had been present at a discourse full of fire
and eloquence, but deficient in solidity and arrange-
ment. One of her friends, who felt an interest in the
preacher, asked her, as she came out of church,
* A similar story is related of Quevedo, by his biogra-
pher, Don Pablo Antonio de Tarsia, p. 106. Vida Ma
drid, 1683.
C
26
TABLE-TALK.
how she liked it? "Is it not full of spirit ?" said
she. “So full,” replied Madame de Bourdonne,
"that I could not perceive any body."
XXX. WHERE TO LIVE AND DIE.
If we were allowed to choose our birth-place,
Italy should be our choice, on account of the mild-
ness of the climate. After being born there, we
must come to France to live, for there alone is the
science of good eating fully understood. And when
we have enjoyed enough of life, were we to choose
a spot to die in, it should be in Spain, which is
a gloomy and dreary country, peculiarly fitted to
inspire us with reflections suitable to such an event.
The Spaniards themselves express this sentiment
thus: "Italia para nacer, Francia para vivir,
Espana para morir."
XXXI.
To mark the character of the Italians, Spaniards,
and Greeks, it has been said, That one ought to
write in Italian, boast in Spanish, and cheat in
Greek.
XXXII. RETURNING THANKS.
Nothing is more difficult than to return thanks
neatly.
XXXIII. JULIUS CÆSAR.
John of Salisbury, Polydore Virgil, and Lipsius,
believed that Julius Cæsar was not the author of
the Commentaries which bear his name, and have
attributed them to Julius Celsus, who lived about
eight hundred years ago. The cause of this error
was, that Julius Celsus was the author of the Life
of Julius Cæsar, which is prefixed to some copies
of the Commentaries.
XXXIV. CICERO.
We have great reason to regret the loss of the
MENAGIANA.
2'7
Treatises of Cicero, De Gloria, and De Legibus.
What we do possess of that great man, only serves
to convince us of the extent of our loss. The
fragments of the last Treatise which remain, leave
no doubt that the work must have been excellent.
The Treatise De Gloria was found entire by
Philelphus. He considered this fortunate disco-
very only as a means of gaining credit in the world,
and acquiring reputation. With this view, he first
contemplated publishing it as his own work; but,
apprehensive that this imposture would in time be
discovered, he wrote a Treatise, De Contemptu
Mundi,* composed entirely of fragments from the
work of Cicero, patched together as he could, and
then threw the original into the fire; thus depriving
the republic of letters, by this odious action, of a
work, where there is every reason to conclude that
Cicero was not less eloquent or admirable than in
his other productions.
Raimond Soranzo, a celebrated Jurisconsult at
the Papal Court at Avignon, about the middle of
the fourteenth century, was in possession of the
two books of Cicero de Gloria. He presented
them to Petrarch, who valued them highly, and
perused them with care. Unfortunately, a coun-
tryman of his own, an old man, in very poor cir-
cumstances, who had formerly been his preceptor,
having borrowed them of him, pledged them, and ha-
ving left the country without redeeming them, died
shortly afterwards, without giving Petrarch any in-
The whole of this story is proved to be a mistake by
Bayle; Article Alcyonius. Varillas, in his Louis XI., was
the author of this calumny. Philelphus never wrote a Trea-
tise De Contemptu Mundi.
28
TABLE-TALK.
formation with regard to his books. Petrarch, who
gives the story at length in his First Epistle, Book
XV., Rerum Senilium, notwithstanding all his in-
quiries, never could recover the books. If we may
believe Paulus Manucius, in his Commentary on
the Twenty-Seventh Epistle of Book XV. of Ci-
cero to Atticus, the manuscript of the Treatise De
Gloria was in the library of a noble Venetian, na-
med Bernardo Justiniano, who died towards the
close of the fifteenth century. The title was given
in the Catalogue, but the library having been be-
queathed to the Monks, the book, when sought
for, could not be found. This gave rise to a sus-
picion, that Pietro Alcionio, physician to the con-
vent, a person not particularly scrupulous, and to
whom they had allowed the use of their library,
might have carried off the manuscript, particularly
as in his two Dialogues, De Exilio, some passages
appeared which were obviously above his powers.
XXXV. PROCOPIUS AND QUINCTILIAN.
Leonard Aretin was one of the most distin-
guished scholars about the time of the revival of
letters, but he was guilty of one action of a disho-
nourable nature. He found a Greek manuscript
of Procopius, De Bello Gothico. He translated
it into Latin,* and passed off the work as his own;
but afterwards, other copies of the work of Proco-
pius were found, and the imposture of Aretin was
discovered. Machiavel managed matters more
* This is not strictly correct, for Aretin's is not exactly
a translation. He made considerable changes on the work
of Procopius. The story of Machiavel is also a mistake.
The Apothegms of Plutarch were well known long before
they were introduced by Machiavel in his Life of Castruc-
cio. Machiavel has merely done what Manso has done in
his Life of Tasso.
MENAGIANA.
29
adroitly in a similar affair. A manuscript of Plu-
tarch's Apothegms of the Ancients having fallen
into his hands, he selected those parts he liked
best; but thinking that a mere translation would
do him but little credit, and at the same time an-
xious to avoid the clumsy and inartificial imposture
of Aretin, he adopted a more refined, but scarcely
more conscientious expedient. He wrote a Life of
Castruccio Castracani, and introduced into the
mouth of his hero the greater part of Plutarch's
good things of the Ancients.
Quinctilian was redeemed from the hands of a
parchment-maker at Basle, during the sitting of the
Council there. And it is the only manuscript of
the original which has yet been seen.* The gover-
nor of the late Marquis de Ronville, playing at
rackets near Saumur, happened to read what was
written on the parchment of his rackets, and per-
ceived that it was a part of the Second Decade of
Livy. He immediately ran to the shop of the ma-
ker, who informed him that he had just used the
last sheet of the manuscript.
XXXVI. FORTUNATE IMPOSSIBILITY.
An Italian, who was very poor, and very much
addicted to play, used to apostrophise Fortune
"Treacherous goddess! Thou canst make
me lose, but thou canst not make me pay.”
thus:
XXXVII. MARY DE MEDICIS.
At an audience which Mary de Medicis gave to
the Swiss ambassadors, after the speaker had con-
cluded his address, the Queen asked of Melson,
Menage must have forgot himself; for, in his Anti-
Baillet, ch. xii. Vol. I. he shows clearly that the MS. of
Quinctilian was found during the sitting of the Council of
Constance, by Poggio, in an old tower of the Monastery of
St Gall.
c2
30
TABLE-TALK.
what had been said, in order that she might re-
ply. Melson, who, although he acted as interpret-
er, did not understand a word of the Swiss lan-
guage, answered boldly,-" Madame, these am-
bassadors say that your Majesty is the greatest, the
most beautiful, and amiable princess in Europe,"
&c. &c. Those who understood the Swiss lan-
guage, astonished at this translation, assured him
the ambassadors had said nothing of the kind. The
enraged ambassador replied, "Did they not?-
Well, if they did not, they ought to have done so."
XXXVIII. SERVANTS.
In France, servants always walk before their
masters. It is otherwise in Italy. Masters walk
before their servants in summer, on account of the
dust, and in winter behind them, on account of the
badness of the roads.
XXXIX.
BERGERAC.
Bergerac was an admirable fencer. His nose,
which was extremely disfigured, had caused the
death of several persons. He never allowed any
one to look at it without challenging him on the
spot. Having quarrelled with Mondori, the actor,
he forbade him to make his appearance on the
stage, on pain of his displeasure. "I interdict
you," said he, "for a month." Two days after, he
went to the Theatre, and found Mondori, who had
set the prohibition at defiance, about to commence
his part, as usual. Bergerac immediately got up,
and ordered him, in presence of the audience, to
retire, with so terrible a voice, that Mondori, for
fear of worse consequences, was glad to make his
exit. Bergerac used to say of Mondori, "The
fellow gives himself airs, forsooth, because he is so
tall and stout, that one can hardly beat him from
head to foot in a day."
MENAGIANA.
31
XL. CIPHERS.
The Arabian numerals, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9,
which we at present employ, began to be used in
Europe for the first time in 1270, in the Alphonsine
Tables, drawn up by order of Alphonso, son of Fer-
dinand, King of Castile, who employed for the pur-
pose, Isaac Hassan, a Jew, clerk of the Synagogue
of Toledo, and Aben Ragel, an Arabian. The Arabs
borrowed them from the Indians, in the year 900.*
The other western nations soon imported them
from the Spaniards. The first Greek writer by
whom they are used, is Planudes, in a work which
he dedicated to Michael Paleologus, in 1370. Thus
the Greeks borrowed not from the Arabs, but from
the Latins. The first occasion on which they were
used in Paris was in 1256, in the SPHERE of Jean
de Serbois, (Sacro-bosco.)
XLI. THE FOUR P's.
Four P's were placed over the gate of the
first President of Bourdeaux, whose name was Pi-
erre Pontac; meaning Pierre Pontac, Premier
President. A litigant who had one day waited
two or three hours in his antechamber, was surpri-
sed by the entrance of the President, while atten-
tively contemplating these four P's. "Well, my
friend," said the President, "what do you suppose
these letters mean?" "By my faith," replied the
litigant, "they can mean nothing but Pauvre
Plaideur, prenez patience. "+
* The original article in the Menagiana is full of errors,
particularly in the dates. The opinion expressed by Me-
nage as to the original derivation of these ciphers from In-
dia, is also very successfully combated by Huct and Vos-
sius. Vide the subsequent article in the Huetiana.
+ Poor pleader, practise patience.
32
TABLE-TALK.
XLII. AGESILAUS.
I was once required to write to the President in
favour of one of my friends, who was involved in
a troublesome affair. After puzzling myself for a
long time how to make the application, I could re-
member nothing better than the letter of Agesilaus
on a similar occasion. “If Cinias is not guilty,
set him at liberty for your own sake; if he is, for
mine: but be it as it may, set him at liberty."
XLIII. LITERARY ENTERTAINMENTS.
I knew a person who occasionally gave enter-
tainments to authors. His fancy was to place
them at table, each according to the size and thick-
ness of the volumes they had published, commen-
cing with the folio authors, and proceeding through
the quarto and octavo, down to the duodecimo,
each according to his rank.
XLIV. SCARRON.
M. Scarron was one day attacked so violently
by hiccup, that his friends were apprehensive for
his life. When the violence of the attack was a
little abated, "If I survive," said he, turning to his
friends, "if I survive, I shall write a tremendous
satire against the hiccup." His friends certainly
expected some very different resolution.
#
A little before his death, seeing his relatives and
servants in tears; "My children," said he, “ you
will never weep so heartily as I have made you
laugh."
XLV.
PERIPATETIC PHILOSOPHY.
The worst parts in the Peripatetic Philosophy
are not the work of Aristotle, but of his disciples,
and particularly his modern disciples. The logic
of the University of Paris, and others, where Aris-
totle is taught, is the art of talking unintelligibly
on subjects we know nothing about.
MENAGIANA.
33
XLVI. M. D'USEZ.
COMPLAISANCE.
M. d'Usez was gentleman of honour to the
Queen. This Princess one day asked him what
o'clock it was. He replied, "Madam, any hour
your Majesty pleases.” *
XLVII. THE JESUIT.
A Jesuit who had been particularly recom-
mended to the captain of a vessel, was sailing
from France to America. The captain, who saw
that a storm was approaching, said to him,
"Fa-
ther, you are not accustomed to the rolling of a
vessel, you had better get down as fast as possible
into the hold. As long as you hear the sailors
swearing and blaspheming, you may be assured
that there are good hopes: but if you should hear
them embracing and reconciling themselves to
each other, you may make up your accounts with
heaven." As the storm increased, the Jesuit, from
time to time, dispatched his companion to the
hatchway to see how matters went upon deck.—
"Alas! Father," said he, returning, all is lost,
the sailors are swearing like demoniacs; their very
blasphemies are enough to sink the vessel.".
"Oh! heaven be praised," said the Jesuit, "then
all's right."
XLVIII. PROOF POSITIVE.
M. de
having been wounded in the
head at the siege of Rochelle, by a musket ball,
the surgeons, as they applied the first dressing,
told him the wound was very dangerous, and that
they saw the brain distinctly. "Ah!" said he,
"gentlemen, do take out a little of it, wrap it in
* A similar story is related of Frederick of Prussia, and
it is also introduced by the author of La Fausse Clelie into
that work, in another and more ludicrous form.
34
TABLE-TALK.
a cloth, and send it to the Cardinal de Richelieu,
for he has told me a hundred times that I never
had any."
XLIX. CLASSICAL APPLICATION.
A person meeting another riding, with his wife
behind him, applied to him Horace's line-
"Post equitem sedet atra cura."*
L. MALHERBE.
•
>
Malherbe, at the age of seventy, wishing to
revenge the death of his son, who had fallen in a
duel with M. D
sent a challenge to that
gentleman. The friends of Malherbe hearing of
it, did all they could to prevent him from fighting,
to which he replied, "What have I to fear? The
loss could not be so great for me as you suppose.
I only hazard a shilling against a pound."
LI. RABELAIS.
Rabelais is not always the inventor of the tales
he interweaves with his principal fable.
He
often borrows them from other quarters, but he
embellishes and renders them his own by his man-
ner of narrating them. That of Dodin, and the
Cordelier, B. iii. ch. 23, is of this number. The
original is to be found in the Latin poems of Ni-
cholas Barthelemi. The following is the exact ge-
nealogy of the Ring of Hans Carvel.+ The inven-
tion is due to Poggio, the Florentine, who died in
1459. It is the 133d of his Facetiæ, entitled the
Vision of Philelphus, for which Rabelais has
merely substituted the name of Hans Carvel. It
is then to be met with in the eleventh of the Cent
Nouvelles, a work which Poggio certainly had not
seen, for they were not collected till after the year
Gloomy care sits behind the rider.
+ Imitated in the well-known tale of Prior.
MENAGIANA.
35
1461, under the reign of Louis XI., in whose pre-
sence they are said to have been related while he
was residing as Dauphin at Gueneppe, a castle of
the Duke of Burgundy, in Brabant. Ariosto is
the third who has introduced the tale, at the end
of his fifth Satire, and has given it an air of novel-
ty, by the graces which he has added to it. It is
also the eleventh of an anonymous collection of
novels, published at Lyons in 1555, an imitation
and, in fact, a mere modernization of the Cent
Nouvelles Nouvelles. Celio Malespini has also
introduced the story at page 288 of part second of
his Ducento Novelle, printed in 4to, at Venice, in
1609, nearly one-half of which are borrowed, word
for word, from the Cent Nouvelles Nouvelles. La
Fontaine, in 1665, turned into elegant verse the
prose of Rabelais, believing him really to have been
the author of the tale. It has been also very ele-
gantly versified in Latin Anacreontics, by La Mon-
noye himself.
LII. ORACLES.
A person who had some dangerous enemies,
whom he believed capable of attempting anything,
consulted the Oracle to know whether he should
leave the country. The answer he obtained was,
“Domine, stes securus;" a reply which led him to
believe he might safely remain at home. Some
days afterwards his enemies set fire to his house,
and it was with difficulty that he escaped with his
life. Then recollecting the answer of the Oracle,
he perceived, when too late, that the word was not
Domine, but Domi ne stes securus.
LIII. HENRY IV.
Henry IV. wishing to lower the pride of a
Spanish ambassador, told him that if he had a mind
to ride, he would go to hear mass at Milan, break-
36
TABLE-TALK.
fast at Rome, and dine at Naples. "Sire," replied
the ambassador, “at this rate your Majesty might
also contrive to hear vespers in Sicily."
LIV.
BOUTS RIMÉS.
"'*
Perhaps the most difficult set of rhymes ever
given for a Sonnet in Bouts Rimés, is the follow-
ing. The occasion of the Sonnet was this:-In
the year 1683, a lady, whom we shall call Iris,
was lamenting the loss of a cat, which had been
stolen from her. To console her, the following
Sonnet was composed, the rhymes assigned for
which consisted, entirely of the names of towns
and provinces. The invention was new; but al-
though the difficulty was sufficient to dismay an
ordinary sonnetteer, the author of the following
seems to have very happily surmounted or eluded
it.
Iris, aimable Iris, honneur de la
Vous pleurez votre chat plus que nous
Et fussiez vous, je pense, au fond de la
On entendroit de là vos cris jusqu'à
Bourgogne,
Philipsbourg;
Gascogne,
Fribourg.
Sa peau fut à vos yeux fourrure de
Ön eut chassé pour lui Titi + de
Il feroit l'ornement d'un Couvent de
Pologne;
Luxembourg.
Cologne ;
Mais, quoi, l'on vous l'a pris? on a bien pris Strasbourg.
D'aller pour une perte, Iris, comme la
Se percer sottement la gorge d'une
Il faudroit que l'on eut la cervelle à l'
Chez moi le plus beau chat, je vous le dis, ma
Vaut moins que ne vaudroit une orange A
Et qu'un verre commun ne se vend a
LV. CARDINAL GRANVELLE.
Sienne,
Vienne,
}
Anvers.
Bonne,
Narbonne,
Nevers.
Cardinal Granvelle, minister of Philip II. King
of Spain, was so exact, that he preserved every
1282.
Alluding to the famous massacre of the French, in
+ Mademoiselle D'Orleans's dog, on whose death the
Abbé Cotin composed a madrigal.
MENAGIANA.
37
letter written to him. He had left in several
chests in his residence at Besançon, a prodigious
quantity of these letters, in different languages, all
noted, quoted, and underlined with his own hand,
with copies of many of his answers. After his
death, these valuable documents were placed in a
gallery exposed to the rats and the rain; the ser-
vants, and the children of the neighbourhood, help-
ed themselves to the papers as they pleased; the
maître d'hotel sold six of the chests to a confec-
tioner, and in order to get rid of the rest, they were
destined at once to the water-closet. The Abbé
Brisot, who had met with some of them acciden-
tally, found means to collect the remainder; and to
prevent these from sharing the fate of the rest, he
had them bound in eighty volumes. This collec-
tion consists of original letters of the Emperors
Charles V., Ferdinand I., Maximilian II., Philip
II. of Spain, Mary, Queen of Hungary, Eleanora,
Queen of France, Mary Stuart, Queen of Scotland,
Christiana of Denmark, Duchess of Lorraine, and
the two Margarets of Austria, who governed in
the Low Countries. The rest is composed of the
letters of different ambassadors, with the answers;
and lastly, of two large volumes of private letters
of the Cardinal to M. de Bellefontaine, his rela-
tion, and intimate friend, where the Cardinal dis-
plays his whole heart without disguise.
LVI. LATIN VERSE. GUALTIER DE LILLE.
It has been long disputed who was the author
of the celebrated verse which has become prover-
bial,-
"Incidit in Scyllam cupiens vitare Charybdim."
It has subsequently been discovered, that it is
D
38
TABLE-TALK.
the production of Gualtier de Lille, as had been
remarked by Galeotus Martius and Paquier in their
Researches. This Gualtier, surnamed Chatillon,
flourished in the 13th century. He is the author
of a poem in ten books, called the Alexandriad ;
and the verse in question is the 301st of the 5th
Book, where the poet, apostrophising Darius, who
in flying from Alexander, fell into the hands of
Bessus, expresses himself thus :-
''
Quo flectis inertem,
Rex periture, fugam? Nescis, heu, perdite, nescis,
Quem fugias; hostes incurris dum fugis hostem ;
Incidis in Scyllam cupiens vitare Charybdim."
LVII. MARY DE MEDICIS.
Fabro Chigi, who was afterwards Pope, un-
der the title of Alexander VII., while Nuncio in
France, was present at the death of Mary de Me-
dicis. He asked her if she pardoned all her ene-
mies, and particularly Cardinal Richelieu. She
said she did, from her heart. "Madame," said
he," as a mark of reconciliation, will you send
him the bracelet you wear on your arm?" "Nay,"
replied she, laying her head on the pillow, " that
is too much !"
LVIII. LOUIS XIV. AND SPINOLA.
Louis XIV., grave and dignified as he was,
could not restrain the joy he felt on the birth of
the Duke of Burgundy, on the 6th of August 1682.
He refused the attendance of his guards, and every
one was allowed to address him. As all were ad-
mitted to the honour of kissing his hand, the Mar-
quis Spinola, in the ardour of his zeal, bit his
finger in doing so, and that so sharply that the
King was forced to call out. "I beg your Majesty's
pardon," said the Marquis; " if I had not bit your
MENAGIANA.
39
finger, you would not have distinguished me from
the crowd."
LIX. PROOF OF NOBILITY.
I know some gentlemen extremely proud of
their nobility, who are able to produce no better
title to it, than a sentence condemning some of their
ancestors to be beheaded.
LX. FRENCH FANATIC.
In 1424, a female devotee at Bourg, in Bresse,
proclaimed that she had been commissioned by God
to liberate souls from hell, and that she had been
doing so, for some time, at the rate of three a-day.
LXI. MURETUs.
The scholars of Muretus sometimes made a
noise, and interrupted him. As his temper was
rather violent, he used to reprove them occasion-
ally with violence, and kept them in awe. One
day during the lecture, one of them rang a bell
which he had brought in his pocket. "Truly,"
said Muretus, “I should have been astonished, if,
among such a flock of sheep, there had not been a
bell-wether to lead the rest.'
LXII. LOUIS XII. GREY HAIRS.
Louis XII. one day looking at himself in his
mirror, was astonished to see a number of grey
hairs on his head. "Ah!" said he, "these must
be owing to the long speeches I have listened to;
and it is those of M. le in particular, that
have ruined my hair."
LXIII. ROLINUS' SERMONS.
The story which is so pleasantly told by Ra-
belais, chap. vii. of Book III., and the answer of
Pantagruel to Panurge, when he consults him on
bis intended marriage, are copied from a sermon
of John Rolinus, Doctor of Paris, and Monk of
40
TABLE-TALK.
Cluny, on widowhood. The passage appears to
me singular enough to deserve translation. He
tells us, that a certain widow having gone to ask
the advice of her Curé, whether she ought to marry
again, told him she was without support, and that
her servant, for whom she had taken a fancy, was
industrious, and well acquainted with her husband's
trade. The Curé's answer was, that she ought to
marry him.
"And yet," said the widow, "I am
afraid to do it; for when we marry, we run some risk
of finding a master in our servants." "Well, then,"
said the Curé, "don't take him." "But what shall
I do ?" said the widow. "I cannot support the la-
bour of my husband's business without assistance."
"Marry him, then," said the Curé. " Very well,"
said the widow; "but if he turns out a worthless fel-
low, he may get hold of my property and spend it.
"Then you need not take him," replied the Curé.
In this way the Curé always coincided with the last
opinion expressed by the widow; but seeing, at
last, that her mind was really made up, and that
she would marry the servant, he told her to take
the advice of the bells of the church, and that they
would counsel her best what to do. The bells rang,
and the widow distinctly heard them say, "Prends
ton valet: Prends ton valet."* She accordingly
returned and married him immediately. Some
time afterwards, however, he drubbed her heartily,
and she found, that, instead of being mistress, she
had really become the servant. She returned to
the Curé, and cursed the moment when she had
been credulous enough to act upon his advice.
* Take your servant: Take your servant. This incident
will probably remind our readers of Whittington.
MENAGIANA.
41
"Good woman," said the Curé, "I am afraid
you have not rightly understood what the bells said
to you.
He rang them again; and then the poor
widow heard clearly,-" Ne le prends pas: Ñe le
prends pas; "* for the drubbing and bad treatment
she had received, had opened her eyes.
LXIV. MEDICINE.
Medicine has been defined to be the art or sci-
ence of amusing a sick man with frivolous spe-
culations about his disorder, and of temporising in-
geniously till nature either kills or cures him.
LXV. MARCO DE LODI.
Marco de Lodi, having presented a sonnet of
his own composition to Clement VII., the Pope
found one of the lines in the first quatrain defi-
cient in a syllable. "Do not let that disturb your
Holiness," said the poet; "in the next you will
probably find a syllable too much, which will ba-
lance the defect."
LXVI. M. DE GRAMMONT.
M. le Marechal de Grammont having gone,
by order of the King, to visit the minister Morus,
who was dangerously ill, the King asked him, on
his return, how he found him. The Marechal an-
swered, "Sire, I saw him die like a good Hugue-
not: what I think is most to be regretted is, that
he should have died in a religion which is now as
unfashionable as a peaked hat."
LXVII. A MAN OF WORTH.
The Abbé de la Riviere was praising very
highly the late Duke of Orleans, the uncle of
Louis XII., in presence of his daughter. Among
other things he said, that “he was a very wise and
• Don't take him: Don't take him.
D 2
42
TABLE-TALK.
pious prince, and a man of great worth." "True,"
replied Mademoiselle d'Orleans, "you ought to
know that better than any one, for you have sold
him often enough."
LXVIII. THE AMBASSADOR OF SIAM.
Madame de Seignelay reproaching the Siam-
ese with having a plurality of wives, the ambassa-`
dor replied, “Madame, if we could find at Siam
wives as handsome as yourself, we should have
but one; but as that cannot be, we must console
ourselves by changing them occasionally."
LXIX. THE CANON OF ANGERS.
A Canon of Angers having invited several per-
sons to dine upon a jour maigre, his servant told
him he had been to market, and could find no
fish but a salmon, which he had not ventured to
take, because it had been bespoken by a counsel-
lor. The Canon, placing his purse in his hand,
replied, "There-go back-buy me the salmon
and the counsellor.'
LXX. RACAN.
Racan was a man of talent, and frequently
said good things; but his voice was weak, and he
spoke rather indistinctly. One day in a numerous
company, when he was present, the conversation
turned on some subject, which gave an opportu-
nity of introducing an agreeable story. When he
had finished, seeing that the company, who pro-
bably had not heard it, did not laugh, he turned
to Menage, who was sitting near him, and said,
"I see plainly that these gentlemen have not un-
derstood me-translate
translate me, if you please, into the
vulgar tongue."
LXXI. M. DE BASSOMPIERRE.
While M. de Bassompierre was confined in the
MENAGIANA.
43
Bastile, a Marquis, who was his fellow-prisoner,
used to amuse him with an account of his exploits.
He told him, among other things, that in a naval
engagement he had himself killed 300 men in one
vessel. "And I,” replied Bassompierre,
re once
slipped down a chimney in Switzerland, to visit
a lady with whom I was in love." "How the
deuce can that be," said the other, "when there
are no chimneys in the country ?"
"Ah!" re-
torted Bassompierre, "when I allowed you qui-
etly to kill your 300 men on board the vessel,
you might for once have winked at my slipping
down the chimney to visit a lady."
LXXII. CONTRARY WINDS.
A Venetian, who had never been out of Ve-
nice, and consequently was a very indifferent ri-
der, having mounted, for the first time, on a res-
tive horse, who would not advance, notwithstand-
ing the application of the spur, pulled his handker-
chief out of his pocket, and spreading it to the
wind, said,-"Ah! I see the reason that we can't
get on-the wind is against us.
LXXIII. ALEXANDRINES.
Alexander of Paris, the first person who made
use of French verses of twelve syllables, which
have retained the name of Alexandrines, lived
about the close of the 12th century.
LXXIV. A LUCKY HIT.
Two persons, playing for a considerable sum
with a pair of dice, agreed that the person who
threw the smallest number should be entitled to
the stake. The first threw two aces, and claimed
* Some such anecdote may have suggested to Smollett
the traverse course stecred by Commodore Trunnion on his
wedding day.
}
44
TABLE-TALK.
the money. The other stopped him, and contri-
ved to throw the dice in such a manner, that, the
one remaining above the other, only one ace was
visible, and thus carried off the prize.
LXXV. PHYSICIANS.
Physicians were formerly ecclesiastics. It was
only in 1452 that the Cardinal d'Etouteville, du
ring his nunciate in France, obtained permission
for them to marry.
LXXVI. WALLER.
Waller, the celebrated English poet, compo-
sed, in excellent Latin verse, a panegyric upon
Cromwell during his Protectorate. Charles II.
being restored in 1660, Waller went to present to
him some verses he had composed in his praise.
The King read them, and told him he had compo-
sed better verses in praise of Cromwell.
"Sire,"
replied Waller, "we poets always succeed better
in fiction than in truth.”
LXXVII. M. DE SELLERY.
The King having sent to ask the Chancellor
de Sellery, whether he was willing to submit to a
trial, the Chancellor requested the person who
brought the message to refer the King to the verse
of the Psalms,-"Enter not into judgment with
thy servant, for in thy sight shall no man living be
justified."
LXXVIII. ST JOHN AND ST PAUL.
•
Father
preaching on the day of St John
the Evangelist, said, there was a great differ-
ence between St John and St Paul; that the one
was far more open and unreserved than the other
"for," said he, "St Paul affects mystery and
concealment, and will communicate nothing of
what he learned in heaven, while St John speaks
;
MENAGIANA.
45
out, and conceals nothing." At these words Ma-
dame de Sevigné turned to me, and said, “Me-
thinks he places St Paul very low, and St John
very high ?".
Oh," said I, "come and hear him
on St Paul's day, and you will see that he will put
St John low enough; he will prove to you that
St Paul was wise and prudent in concealing the
secrets of heaven, and St John very indiscreet in
revealing them."
LXXIX. LANGUAGES.
When one has acquired a certain reputation,
he should never venture to speak a language he
has not been accustomed to use, however well he
may understand it. We lose too much by doing
So. A single mistake is sufficient to throw dis-
credit on our learning. I have composed several
books in Italian, yet I never venture to speak it.
I am told that the Emperor understands French
perfectly; but he never speaks it.
LXXX. COUNT DE BRANCAS.
It is said that the Menalcas* of La Bruyere's
work was the late Count de Brancas. He has
forgotten two of the most extraordinary sallies of
this man. The first is, that one day the Count de
Brancas walking in St Germain de l'Auxerrois,
M. de la Rochefoucault presented himself to speak
to him. "God help you," said M. de Brancas,
and walked on. M. de la Rochefoucault began
to laugh, and at the same time prepared to address
him again. "Is it not enough," said M. de Bran-
"that I have said 'God help you' already?—
These beggars are the most troublesome rascals !”
-Rochefoucault laughed still louder, and after
cas,
The Absent Man.
46
TABLE-TALK.
some time succeeded in convincing Brancas that
he was no beggar. The second story was this:
M. de Brancas was one day sitting by the fireside
reading with deep attention, when the gouver-
nante of his daughter coming in, he laid down his
book, and took the child in his arms. He played
with her for some time, when his servant came to
announce to him a visit of importance: immedi-
ately, forgetting that he had laid down his book,
and that it was his daughter that he held, he threw
her from him, and walked out of the room.
For-
tunately the gouvernante saved her life by recei-
ving her in her arms.
[ 47 ]
HUETIANA.
[Pierre Daniel Huet, the author of this collection, was born
at Caen in 1630. Though his education was at first ne-
glected, the native vigour of his mind enabled him to tri-
umph over all obstacles, and by the assistance of his tutor,
Mambrun, a Jesuit, and of Bochart, the Protestant Minister
of Caen, he obtained a complete acquaintance with mathe-
matics, and became a most accomplished classical scholar. In
1652, he accompanied Bochart to the Court of Christina Queen
of Sweden, who wished to induce him to remain at Stockholm.
This, however, he declined, and returning to France, pub-
lished a variety of works, which raised him to a distinguish-
ed place in the republic of letters. He was appointed in 1678
to the Abbacy of Aunay, in Normandy; and in 1685, to the
See of Soissons, which he afterwards exchanged for that of
Avranches. He died in 1721, in his 91st year. His works
on the Origin of Romance, and on the Navigation of the An-
cients, are those by which he is best known to the foreign
reader,
The Huetiana, which contains the detached thoughts and
criticisms of this learned and amiable man, is of a graver
cast than the most of the Ana. It contains few anecdotes or
lively tales, such as those which form the staple of the Mena-
giana, but consists principally of a series of thoughts and
criticisms on various topics of moral philosophy and liter-
ature, generally longer and more elaborate than the occa-
sional articles which occur on such subjects in the other
Ana. Some of the Bishop's opinions, as will be seen from
our short selection, are singular enough, and some of his
theories not a little visionary; but the book, notwithstand-
ing D'Alembert's criticisms, is in general distinguished by
the good sense of the articles it contains, and the very great
clearness both of thought and language in which they are
conveyed.]
LXXXI. MONTAIGNE.
The Essays of Montaigne are genuine Mon-
taniana, that is to say, a Collection of the
Thoughts of Montaigne without arrangement or
48
TABLE-TALK.
connexion. This circumstance has, perhaps, con-
tributed as much as any to render them favourites
with our nation, an enemy to the continued atten-
tion which long dissertations demand; and with
the present age, which dislikes the application re-
quired in continuous and methodical treatises.
His freedom of thought, his variety of style, and
his metaphorical expressions, have been the chief
causes of this celebrity which he has enjoyed du-
ring the last century, and which he still possesses;
for he is, as it were, the breviary of indolent and
ignorant men of letters, anxious to acquire some
slight acquaintance with the world, and some
tincture of learning, You will scarcely find a
country gentleman without his Montaigne on the
chimney-piece. But this liberty, which has its
advantages when used within bounds, becomes
dangerous when it degenerates into license. Such
is that of Montaigne, who has thought himself en-
titled to overstep all the laws of modesty and de-
corum. The source of this defect in Montaigne
lies in his vanity and self-love. He thought his
merit entitled him to dispense with rules,-to set
an example, not to follow one. All his pretended
frankness cannot prevent us from perceiving in
him a secret vanity of his official situation, of the
number of his servants, and of the reputation he
had acquired. If we collect all the small hints
and occasional touches which he has adroitly intro-
duced into his works, we shall find him, on the
whole, his own panegyrist. Scaliger might well
say, what is it to me whether Montaigne likes
white wine or red? Is it not, in fact, a mere
mockery of his readers to amuse them with these
petty details of his tastes, and his domestic trifles?
HUETIANA.
49
Scaliger, no doubt, did not talk thus without a
little personal feeling in the matter. Montaigne
had in his writings assigned to Justus Lipsius the
first place in the Empire of Letters; though in
this, as in other things, he showed the badness of
his taste. When he advances any bold or dispu-
table proposition, he says, "I do not give it as a
good one, but as mine;" a matter with which the
reader has very little to do; for his object is to
know, not what Michael de Montaigne thought, but
what he should have thought, in order to think well.
He declares, throughout his work, that he is an-
xious to paint himself as he is, to the public. Be-
fore adopting such a design, must he not have had
a tolerable persuasion that the original of the por-
trait was one which deserved to be painted, look-
ed at, studied, imitated by all the world? And
could an idea like this spring from any other
source than a plentiful supply of self-love?
His style is of a truly singular turn and original
character. His lively imagination furnishes him
with a profusion of images on every subject, which
he groups into that abundance of agreeable meta-
phors, in which he is unequalled by any other
writer. It is his favourite figure; a figure which,
according to Aristotle, is the characteristic of a
great mind.
LXXXII. VAMPYRes.
There is something evidently singular in the
accounts we possess of the Brucolacs* of the
Phlegon de Mirabil. c. 1. Turquie Chretien; de la
Croix, liv. 1, c. 25, pp. 116, et seq.; ex Leone Allatro, p.
118.; et Cassiano, p. 119; Etat de l'Eglise Grecque, ch.
25, pp. 78, ct seq; Voyage au Levant, T. 2, ch. 21, p. 328.
E
50
TABLE-TALK.
a
Archipelago. We are told that those, who after a
wicked life have died impenitent, appear in diffe-
rent places with the same forms which they bore
when alive; that they attack the living, striking
some and killing others; sometimes rendering use-
ful services, but constantly causing terror and
consternation. The Greeks believe that these bo-
dies are delivered over to the power of the devil,
who preserves and animates them, and employs
them to torment mankind. Father Richard,*
Jesuit Missionary to these islands, about fifty
years ago, published an account of the Island of
Santerini, or St Irene, the Thera of the ancients,
of which the famous Cyrene was a colony. He
has a long chapter on the History of the Bruco-
lacs. He tells us, that when the people are in-
fested with these apparitions, they have the bodies
disinterred, which are found entire and uncorrupt-
ed; that they burn or cut them in pieces, parti-
cularly the heart, after which the apparitions cease
and the body decays. The word Brucolac comes
from the modern Greek gouxos, which signifies
mud, and λaxxos, a ditch, because the tombs in
which these bodies are placed are generally found
full of mud. I do not at present inquire whether
the facts there stated are true, or merely a popular
error; but it is certain that they are related by
so many authors of talent and credit, and by so
many ocular witnesses, that we ought at least to
decide with caution. It is certain also, that this
idea, true or false, is extremely ancient, and that
the classical authors are full of it. When the an-
cients had murdered a person fraudulently, or by
• Relation de Santerini du P. Richard, ch. 18, p. 282.
HUETIANA.
51
surprise, they thought that they deprived him of
the power of taking vengeance upon them, by cut-
ting off his feet, hands, nose, and ears. (This was
called ακρωτηριάζειν.) All these they hung round
the neck of the victim, or placed them under his ·
arm-pits, from which the word μarxaλíle, signify-
ing the same thing, is derived. A strong proof of
this is to be found in the Greek Scholia of Sopho-
cles. It was thus that Menelaus treated Deipho-
bus, the husband of Helen, and it was in this state
he was seen by Æneas in the Infernal Regions.
(Virg. Æn. VI. 494, et. seq.)
The ancients have treated as a fable the history
of Hermotimus of Clazomene, whose soul fre-
quently forsook his body to wander through dis-
tant regions, and to acquire information regarding
futurity, which, upon its return, he imparted to his
contemporaries; but at last his enemies having ob-
tained permission from his wife to burn his body
during one of these mental excursions, his soul
finding itself on its return deprived of its usual re-
treat, retired for ever.
Suetonius tells us, that after the violent death of
Caligula, his body had been but partially burned
and superficially interred; the house in which he
was slain, and the gardens where he was burned,
were every night haunted by spectres, until the
house itself was at last burned, and the last rites
properly performed to his remains by the sisters
of the deceased. Servius states expressly, that
the souls of the dead can find no rest till the body
is entirely consumed. The modern Greeks are
persuaded that the bodies of excommunicated per-
sons never decay, but swell out like a drum, and
sound like one when struck or rolled on the

52.
TABLE-TALK.
ground. These bodies they call Toupi, which in
vulgar Greek means
CC a Drum."
LXXXIII. LETTER READING.
I never read my letters in the evening before
going to bed, or in the afternoon before dinner. Let-
ters generally contain more bad news than good;
and in reading them, we call up subjects of in-
quietude, which disturb our repasts and our re-
pose.
LXXXIV. DELPHIN CLASSICS.
The Commentaries on the ancient Latin authors,
which were undertaken, by order of the King, for
the use of the Dauphin and public utility, were the
invention of the Duke of Montausier alone. He
had always loved and cultivated literature; and
employed as much leisure in the perusal of the
Classics as his military and political career permit-
ted; but he had frequently found himself embar-
rassed by obscurities, for want of Commentaries, for
which he was unable to find room in his limited
military equipage. These obscurities were of two
kinds,—either they consisted in the text and ex-
pression of the author, or they regarded points of
mythology or history, the understanding of which
depended on a perfect acquaintance with antiquity.
He attempted a remedy for both obstacles: he
thought that an interpretation in the form of a pa-
raphrase would clear up the obscurities of the text,
and that notes, in the form of Commentaries, would
explain such matters as were connected with an-
cient erudition. It were to be wished that, in fol-
lowing out this plan, it had been possible to have
met with as many persons profoundly conversant
with literature, as it was to meet with authors wor-
thy of the task of interpretation and criticism.
HUETIANA.
53
But as it would have been unjust to have with-
drawn from their studies and employments men of
genius and learning, without some remuneration,
the King took this point into consideration, and,
upon the representation of the Duke de Montau-
sier, agreed to defray the expense (which, upon a
fair calculation, was estimated at about 3 or
400,000 francs) of bringing the plan to perfection.
It is highly to the honour of M. Colbert's taste,
that he distinguished himself on this occasion, by
throwing open the treasury to defray these ex-
penses, with liberality and with a good grace. I
was employed in the superintendence of the plan,
and I fixed at forty the number of the classical au-
thors who were to compose the collection; but in
the search which I had next to make, to find as
many able critics to put them into the desired
shape, I found much greater difficulty. We were
obliged to take such as could be met with, who,
of course, differed very much from each other in
point of ability. This opportunity, however, sug-
gested to me the idea of giving to each of these
authors an index of all the words which the work
contained-knowing, as I did, the great advantages
derived to literature from the few indexes of the
same kind we already possessed. I even carried
my views farther, and proposed to melt all these
into one, when finished, so as to compose a gene-
ral index, which should contain, and circumscribe,
as it were, the limits of the Latin language. By
this method, one would be enabled to find at a
glance, and with certainty, the birth, age, usage,
signification, fortune, duration, decay, and extinc-
tion of each word. Never would the language and
antiquities of Rome have received a more effectual
£ 2
54
TABLE-TALK.
support, or a more certain preservative against the
influence of ignorance and the advances of bar-
barism; but the length of the enterprise, the lazi-
ness of those employed, and the marriage of the
Dauphin, which occasioned the cessation of his
studies, stopt us in the midst of our course, and
put an end to the plan.
LXXXV. SAMSON.
I know not how I came to forget, in my Evan-
gelical Demonstration, to notice that the fable of
Hercules, related by Lycophron, and other ancient
writers, that he was swallowed by a sea dog, and
retained for three days in his stomach, from which
he escaped with only the loss of his hair, is just the
story of Samson, absorbed by his love of Dalilah,
who cut off his hair to deprive him of his strength.*
LXXXVI. ARABIAN NUMERALS.
It is an established opinion, not only among men
of literature, but among scholars of the first order,
that the numeral characters in use among us, have
been introduced into Europe through Spain; that
Spain received them from the Moors, the Moors
from the Arabs, and the Arabs from the Indians.
I agree with the supposition, that Spain received
them from the Moors, and the Moors from the
Arabs; but I cannot admit that the Arabs recei-
ved them from the Indians. I maintain, on the
contrary, that the Indians received them from the
Arabs, and the Arabs from the Greeks, as they
have done all their learning; some branches of
which they have brought to perfection; but the
greater part of which they have deteriorated and
*The story of Jonah would seem to be as german to that
of Hercules.
HUETIANA.
55
altered. The numeral characters which they bor-
rowed from the Greeks have been subjected to this
alteration; and so effectually, that without parti-
cular observation, we can scarcely perceive any
traces of their origin. But when we make the
comparison carefully, and without prejudice, the
traces of the Greek characters are sufficiently ob-
vious. The Greek numerals were merely the let-
ters of their alphabet. A small comma or line was
the mark of unity. The ß, with its extremities cut
off, has produced the 2. If we bend the
they a little
to the left, cutting off the foot, and rounding the
left horn a little towards the left, we form a 3.
The A has produced the 4, by raising the left side
of the triangle perpendicularly, prolonging it a lit-
tle below the base, and lengthening the base on
the left side. The has formed the 5, by turning
the lower semicircle from left to right. The 6 has
been formed from the 5, by rounding the bottom,
and retrenching the top part. The 7 has been
formed from the Z, by cutting off the base. If wo
connect the four corners of the H, we form an 8.
The forms the 9, by slightly opening one of the
sides. The cipher was merely a point added to
the other units, in order to multiply their value 10
times. It was necessary to mark this point strong-
ly; and in order to form it distinctly, it was first
represented by a circle filled up in the middle:
afterwards the filling up of the circle was neglect-
ed. Theophanes, the historian of Constantinople,
says, in plain terms, that the Arabs retained the
Greek letters, having no characters in their lan-
guage to mark numbers. The Greeks, in their
numbers, retained the decimal progression as the
Arabs have done.
56
TABLE-TALK.
LXXXVII. DECIMALS.
It is at first sight surprising, that in the progres-
sion of numbers, and in calculation, the number of
ten, and the decimal progression, should have been
preferred to all others. The cause of this prefer-
ence is, that it corresponds with the number of
our fingers, in which all men are accustomed to
reckon from their infancy. They count, in the first
place, the number of their fingers. When the
nnits exceed the number of their fingers, they pass
to a second ten. If the number of tens increases,
they count these also on their fingers; and when
the number of tens exceeds the number of their
fingers, they recommence on their fingers a new
sort of calculation; that is to say, of tens of tens,
or hundreds; and afterwards, of thousands, and so
on. Thus, it is the number of the fingers with which
nature has furnished man, as an instrument always
ready to assist him in his calculations, which has
led to the adoption of this number—a number, in
other respects less useful, and less fitted for the
purpose, than the number of twelve, which is more
susceptible of division; for 10 is divisible only by
2 and by 5, while 12 is divisible by 2, by 3, by 4, and
by 6.
The Roman ciphers afford a proof of the origin
which I have just stated. They express units by
the I's, which represent the fingers. Five is repre-
sented by a V, which represents the first and last
fingers of the hand. Ten is represented by an X,
being two V's united at their bases, and express-
ing the contents of both hands. Fifty is marked
by an L, the half of the letter E, which is the same
as C, and represents a hundred. Five hundred by
HUETIANA.
57
a D, the half of the letter O, which is the same as
M, and represents a thousand.
LXXXVIII. THE GARLAND OF JULIA.
Never did love devise a piece of gallantry more
ingenious, more refined, or more original than the
Duke of Montausier's new-year's-gift to his mis-
tress Julia d' Augennes, when he sought her in
marriage. He had a selection of the finest flowers
painted separately in miniature, on vellum, of the
same size, by an excellent painter. Beneath each
picture he made the artist leave sufficient space to
write a madrigal on the subject of the flower, and
in praise of Julia. He prevailed on all the wits of
the time, most of whom were his personal friends,
to undertake the composition of these little pieces,
after reserving a reasonable share of the best sub-
jects to himself. He then had the madrigals writ-
ten beneath each flower by a person at that time
much celebrated for the beauty of his handwriting.
The whole was then finely bound. Two copies
exactly alike were formed, and each inclosed in a
covering of Spanish leather. This was the present
which Julia found on her toilet on New-year's-day
1633, or 1634, (for it was shortly after the death
of Gustavus Adolphus, King of Sweden.) I no-
tice this epoch because it is alluded to in the im-
perial crown,* one of the flowers composing this
garland. As I had merely heard of its existence
by report, I often asked permission to see it; Ma-
dame d'Usez at last procured me this pleasure.
She locked me up one afternoon along with the
garland; she afterwards went to attend the Queen,
of
* An elegant madrigal composed by Chapelain, author
The Pucelle.'
58
TABLE-TALK.
and did not return to release me till it was almost
night. But I never recollect having passed a more
agreeable evening.
LXXXIX. MURDER IN STOCKHOLM.
A few days before our journey to Sweden, a
strange incident occurred in Stockholm. A young
man, by no means deficient in fortune, and whose
conduct had always appeared extremely correct,
laid hold of a child in broad day-light, as it was
playing before its father's shop, and cut its throat.
He was instantly seized and carried before the
judges. Being interrogated as to his motives for
the commission of such a crime, "Gentlemen,"
said he, “ I confess my guilt, and admit that I am
deserving of death: far from seeking to justify my
conduct, or to obtain pardon for my crime, you
would yourselves be guilty were you to pardon
me. I have looked on life with attention-I have
studied death. The one appeared to me a source
of misery and crime, the other a state of innocence
and peace. After much reflection, seeing that I
could attain my object only by the commission of
a crime, I determined on that which I have perpe-
trated, as the most excusable. I have killed a
child during his period of innocence, and thereby
insured his salvation. I have relieved his father,
who is burdened with a numerous family, and has
not the means to provide for them. Nevertheless,
I acknowledge that I am guilty; I only hope that
the punishment to be inflicted upon me, and the
manner in which I shall receive it, will procure
from God the pardon of my crime." He went to
the scaffold singing, and suffered with a firmness
and serenity that astonished every one who was
present.
HUETIANA.
59
XC. CONTAGION.
Neither naturalists nor physicians have yet been
able to inform us why certain diseases are conta-
gious, while others are not so. The gout, the
stone, the epilepsy and apoplexy, are not commu-
nicated from one person to another; the plague,
on the contrary, dysentery, flux, small-pox, &c.
are easily communicated, become epidemical, and
cause the greatest ravages by their infection.
Whence does this difference in these effects pro-
ceed? I think I can imagine a cause, which,
though not apparent, is very far from being on that
account improbable. I would say, in general, that
all those diseases which are contagious, produce
certain small insects contained in abscesses, ulcers,
or pustules, on the surface of the body, some more,
some less, and of different kinds. I do not at pre-
sent inquire into the cause that produces these in-
sects, but the effect is common, constant, and fre-
quently visible. We know that these insects, by
a natural revolution, change into flies or gnats. As
soon as they can manage their wings, they hasten
to use them, and to fly about in the air. Then
spreading themselves on all sides, and entering in-
to the human body by respiration, they carry thi-
ther the same venom by which they have been en-
gendered, and communicate the corruption which
has given them birth. This is the reason why, du-
ring great contagions, large fires have been suc-
cessfully employed in different places to purify the
air. This is done, not by rarefying and changing
its constitution, as seems to be imagined, but by
burning and destroying these creatures with which
the atmosphere is filled, and which, attracted by the.
glare of the fire, are drawn to death like moths
60
TABLE-TALK.
round a candlo. Another cause, totally the reverse
of this, produces the same effect, I mean severe
frost, which either totally, or in a great measure,
destroys these insects; for sometimes their num-
ber is so great that some escape the rigour of the
season, and keep up the contagion, as was the case
during the black plague, which desolated Denmark
and the neighbouring countries some centuries
ago.
XCI. FIDELITY OF A DOG.
In a village between Caen and Vire, called the
Bocage, a countryman of a savage temper was in
the custom of maltreating his wife so severely, that
his neighbours, attracted by her cries, had frequent-
ly been obliged to interfere for her assistance. The
husband, tired of her society, determined to get rid
of her at once. He pretended to be reconciled to
her; changed his conduct entirely, and on holidays
indulged her with walks and pleasure parties. One
summer day, after severe heat, they sat down to-
gether on the brink of a fountain, in a very solitary
and retired situation. The husband pretended
to be very thirsty, and, attracted by the clearness
of the water before them, lay down and drank
largely, praising the coolness of the fountain, and
wishing his wife to follow his example. She be-
lieved him, and had just placed herself in the same
situation, when the husband seized hold of her and
plunged her head into the water, with the intention
of drowning her. She fought hard for life, but
would infallibly have perished, but for the assist-
ance of her dog, who was greatly attached to her,
and had followed her hither. He threw himself
upon the husband, seized him by the throat, com-
HUETIANA.
61
pelled him to abandon his hold, and thus saved the
life of his mistress.
XCII. THE JUDGE AND THE ADVOCATE.
In legal procedure, the duties of the judge and
advocate are opposed in every point to each other.
The judge labours to discover the truth; the ad-
vocate to conceal or disguise it. The judge seeks
the golden mean, which is the seat of equity; the
advocate the extremes. The judge must be rigid,
inflexible; the advocate ought to be supple, pli-
ant, accommodating, entering into the views of his
client, and espousing his interests. The judge
should be constant, uniform, invariable, walking
always in the same path; the advocate should as-
sume all shapes. The judge ought to be passion-
less; the advocate labours to excite the passions,
and to appear impassioned even in a cause in which
he feels but a slender interest. The judge should
hold the balance in equilibrium; the advocate
throws into it the weight which makes his own
side preponderate. The judge is armed with the
sword of the law; the advocate seeks to disarm
him.
XCIII. NORTHERN TRIBES.
The whole of the ancient world is now govern-
ed by northern tribes. To begin with the west-
the Normans and Saxons have rendered themselves
masters of Normandy and England; the Francs,
the Goths, the Visigoths, and Vandals, of France,
Spain, and Africa. The Ostrogoths conquered
Italy; others, such as the Getæ, Cimbri, Scythi-
ans, and Bulgarians, subdued Germany: Other
Scythian tribes, the Tartars and Turks, took pos-
session of Greece and the beautiful provinces of
Asia Minor. The Persians are also of the Scy-
I'
62
TABLE-TALK.
thian and Tartar race. The descendants of Ta-
merlane, a Tartar prince, reign at this moment in
Judea; and the great empire of China has been
conquered within a century by the Tartars. The
Circassian Mamelukes reigned in Egypt when they
were conquered by Selim, Emperor of the Turks.
XCIV. SOUND.
*
Sound is a strong movement of the air, which
we perceive by the impression made on the tym-
panum of the ear.
When the sonorous body is
struck and agitated, it communicates to the sur-
rounding air the movement impressed upon it, and
this movement takes place by means of undula-
tions similar to those which we observe on water
when a stone is thrown into it. The quicker and
more frequent these undulations are, the acuter
the sound is; as the sound of the treble string of
a violin is more acute than the bass, only because,
its movements being more rapid, it produces quick-
er and more frequent undulations. For if, by re-
laxing the cord, we render its movements slower,
the undulations it produces will also be slower,
and the sound less acute. This being properly
understood, it is easy to perceive the causes of
consonance and dissonance. When the undula-
tions produced by two cords are equal, and coin-
cide exactly at the same moment, the result is uni-
son, or the most perfect of concords. If they never
coincide at all, they produce complete discord. If
they occasionally coincide at certain regular inter-
vals, they produce the different concords which
constitute the charm of music.
• We quote this article, not from its novelty. but its clear-
ness and brevity.
HUETIANA.
63
XCV. SWALLOWS.
The swallows of Sweden, at the approach of
winter, plunge into the lakes, and remain there
asleep, and buried under the ice, till the return of
spring. Then, awakened by the returning heat,
they leave the water, and resume their usual flight.
While the lakes are frozen, if the ice be broken in
certain places which appear darker than others, the
swallows are found in great quantities, cold, asleep
and half dead. If they are taken out, and warmed
by the hands or before a fire, they soon begin to
exhibit signs of life: they stretch themselves out,
shake themselves, and soon fly away. In other
places they retire into the caves, or under the rocks.
Between the town of Caen and the sea, along the
banks of the Orne, there are many of these ca-
verns, where, during the winter, clusters of swal-
lows have been found suspended, like bunches of
grapes, from the roof of the cavern.
The same
thing has been long ago observed in Italy.
XCVI. SPOTS IN LEAVES.
In summer, when, after some days of fine wea
ther, a storm happens, accompanied by a slight
shower, and the sun appears immediately after-
wards resuming his usual strength, his beams pro-
duce upon the flowers and leaves an effect similar
to that of a burning glass, marking them here and
there with round spots. Naturalists have been
much puzzled about the cause, but the truth, I
think, is this:-During fine weather, a certain por-
tion of dust is deposited by the wind upon the
foliage, as well as on other places. When the
shower falls upon the dust, the drops collect toge-
ther, and assume a rounded form, as we may ob-
serve within doors, on a dusty floor, when we
64
TABLE-TALK.
sprinkle a little water upon it. Now these little
globules of water collecting upon the leaves, act
like convex glasses, and produce the same effect.
If the shower happens to be heavy, and to last for
some time, the same effect is not produced, be-
cause the dust is by degrees washed off, and the
drops of rain, losing their globular form, spread over
the leaf, and cease to exert their caustic effect.
XCVII. LOVE.
Love is not merely a mental affection, but also
a bodily malady, like a fever. It has its seat in the
blood and animal spirits, which are always ex-
tremely agitated; and may, I have no doubt, be
subjected to a methodical treatment; such as strong
sudorifics, and copious bleedings, which, by car-
rying off with the humours this irritation of the
spirits, would purge the blood, calm its emotion,
and restore it to its natural state. An illustrious
Prince, who was seized with a violent attachment
to a lady of great merit,+ was obliged to set out
for the army. During his absence, his passion
was kept alive by remembrance and frequent epis-
tolary correspondence, till the close of the cam-
paign, when a dangerous malady, which attacked
him, reduced him to the last extremity. All the
usual remedies, suited to the distemper, were ap-
plied, and the prince recovered; but without re-
covering his love, which had been fairly carried off
by his medical treatment and an antiphlogistic re-
gimen.
• Condé.
+ Mademoiselle Vigean.
[65]
CHEVREANA.
[Or the life of Urban Chevreau, the author of this collec-
tion, little is known. He was born at Loudon in 1613, and
was afterwards secretary to Christina of Sweden, whom he
had the art to reconcile to the Catholic faith. After his re-
turn from Sweden, he became preceptor to the Duke of Maine,
and died in 1701, aged nearly 88.
The Chevræana, which was published during the author's
life, and received his own corrections, has the character of be-
ing more accurate than most works of this class. It contains
many valuable corrections of the mistakes of some of its
predecessors, and exhibits a very judicious mixture of serious
and lively articles.]
XCVIII.
HYPERBoles.
ALL the rhetoricians speak of the hyperbole, and
if Aristotle is to be believed, it is a figure of speech
suited only to a person enraged, or to children who
exaggerate everything. I suppose, according to
this maxim, that the man who said that his estate
was no larger than a laconic epistle, must be set
down either as a child or a very irascible person-
age. I remember an acquaintance of M. de Cal-
prenede (the author of Cleopatra) remarking to M.
de Sercy, the bookseller, who showed him that
romance, "This author boasts of having a large
mansion and an extensive forest: I assure you,
on my honour, that he has not wood enough to
F 2
66
TABLE-TALK.
make a tooth-pick, and that a tortoise might make
the tour of his house in a quarter of an hour."
XCIX. ANAGRAMS.
The best anagram I have met with, is one which
was shown me by the Duchess de la Tremouille.
She was the sister of the Duke de Bouillon and of
Marshal Turenne, and her name was Marie de la
Tour; in Spanish, Maria de la Torre, which a
Spanish anagrammatist found to be exactly Amor
de la Tierra.
C. SONNET OF PETRARCH.
A physician of Padua, well known for his atten-
tion to his worldly interests, meeting a philoso-
pher in the street very indifferently dressed, ac-
costed him with the well known line of Petrarch,—
"Povera e nuda vai Filosofia ;"*
to which the philosopher, without hesitation, an-
swered by the succeeding line.
"Dice la turba al vil guadagno intesa. "†
CI. TIE SWISS DOCTOR.
The Duke de Rohan, while travelling in Swit-
zerland, found himself indisposed in a village, the
name of which I forget, and sent for the most ce-
lebrated physician of the Canton. Doctor Thi-
baut was immediately called to visit the noble
stranger. He entered the Duke's chamber, and sa-
luting him, gravely asked him what was the nature
of his complaint. M. de Rohan looked at him at-
tentively: "Doctor," said he, "I know not how
it is, but I have a vague recollection of having seen
* Poor and naked dost thou go, oh Philosophy!
Says the crowd, who think of nothing but vile gain.
CHEVRÆANA.
67
you before."
"Very probably, Monseigneur,"
said Doctor Thibaut, gravely, "for I had the ho-
nour to be your Grace's farrier." "What!" said
the Duke, "and you play the physician here!
How do you treat your patients ?" Doctor Thi-
Daut replied without hesitation, that he was consi-
dered the most eminent physician in the Canton, and
that he treated his patients the Swiss, very much
in the same manner as he had treated his Excellen-
cy's horses; that, it was true, a good many of them
died, in consequence of his remedies, but that he had
also had the good fortune to effect some cures. He
concluded with begging his Grace not to expose
him, but to allow him to make his living at the
expense of the lives of the Swiss.
CII. SIR THOMAS MORE.
The greatest of men are sometimes seized with
strange fancies at the very moment when one
would suppose they had ceased to be occupied
with the things of this world. Sir Thomas More,
at his execution, having laid his head upon the
block, and perceiving that his beard was extended
in such a manner that it would be cut through by
the stroke of the executioner, asked him to adjust
it properly upon the block; and when the execu-
tioner told him he need not trouble himself about
his beard, when his head was about to be cut off,
"It is of little consequence to me," said Sir Thomas,
"but it is a matter of some importance to you,
that you should understand your profession, and not
cut through my beard, when you had orders only to
cut off my head.”
CIII. ELOQUENCE OF CICERO.
Hegesias the philosopher, it is said, one day dis
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TABLE-TALK.
coursed so eloquently upon the grievances of life,
and the contempt which we ought to entertain for
death, that many of his auditors went home and
starved themselves to death. I can conceive that
a philosopher, who reasons acutely, may have his
dupes among those who are destitute of his infor-
mation, his ability, or his eloquence. But it is a
strange thing to see a man of high talent, deeply
acquainted with all the subtleties of the rhetorician,
and who himself spoke as well as he fought, dis-
concerted by a mere harangue. Ligarius, a Roman
citizen, had attached himself to the interests and
fortunes of Pompey, and after his death had retired,
with Scipio, into Africa. He did everything in
his power against Cæsar, who was informed of the.
whole by Tubero, and who, in consequence, con-
ceived so great an aversion against Ligarius, that
he thought only of revenge. Čicero undertook the
defence of Ligarius; and although Cæsar at first
absolutely refused to listen to him, the other, who
was not to be disconcerted by the first rebuff, at
last prevailed on him to listen to his justification.
Cæsar, in fact, entertained no doubt that he would
be able to prove his guilt by undoubted documents,
and that Cicero would be unable to make any
reply. But before Cicero had finished his defence
of Ligarius, the letters and memorials had insensi-
bly dropt from the hand of Cæsar; he changed his
colour, his resolution, as if he had been under the
influence of some charm, and not only granted a
free pardon to Ligarius, but admitted him into the
list of his particular friends. If we were acquaint-
ed with no other proof of Cicero's talent, we might
say with Quintilian, "Non immerito ab homini-
CHEVRÆANA.
69
bus ætatis suæ regnare in judiciis dictus est; apud
posteros vero id consecutus, ut Cicero jam non ho-
minis sed eloquentiæ nomen habeatur."
CIV. M. DE BASSOMPIERRE.
The Marechal de Bassompierre used to examine
every evening the amount of his expenditure for
the day; and having one day given to his maître
d'hotel a hundred crowns to provide a sumptuous
entertainment for seven or eight guests, whom he
expected, the maître d'hotel carried his account to
him as usual, at night. On examining it, he found
that it amounted only to ninety crowns, and put-
ting it into the hand of the maître d'hotel, he said
calmly, "Make the sum even before I vouch it.”
The servant walked down stairs immediately, and
returned in a few minutes with the account, to
which he had added at the bottom, "Item, ten
crowns to make up the hundred." This puts me
in mind of an anecdote of Ismael Bouillan, who
had been sent by his father to Paris to study. In
the account of his expenditure, which his father
demanded of him, in order to see how he employ-
ed the money he had given him, the young man,
after exaggerating as much as possible the amount
of every article, down to the minutest trifle, found
that a large sum still remained, of which he could
give no good account, and therefore added at the
close of the account, "Item, father, one must live."
CV. LA MOTHE LE VAYER.
The friends of La Mothe le Vayer, who are ac-
quainted with his character, are aware that ac-
counts of foreign countries were his principal
amusement and delight. When on the point of
death, and when not a moment was to be lost in
endeavouring to prepare himself for the approaching
change, he was visited by his friend M. Bernier,
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TABLE-TALK.
the traveller. As soon as he saw him enter, he
raised his head, and exclaimed, "Well, what new.
of the Great Mogul ?" These were almost the las
words he had strength to utter, for he expired al-
most immediately after.
CVI. JULIAN THE APOSTATE.
I have read the works of Julian, with the re-
marks of Petau, and putting out of view the apos-
tasy of that emperor, I find in his orations and let-
ters the marks of the greatest learning and talent.
Although I have spoken of him elsewhere, I can-
not omit noticing his admirable reply to Delphi-
dius, who had accused of bribery Numenus or
Numenanus, the former governor of Gaul. Del-
phidius, a harsh and vehement speaker, seeing that
the proofs were not sufficiently strong to convict
Numenanus, exclaimed, as he cast his eyes at Ju-
lian, “If a criminal is to be acquitted upon mere
denial, who can ever be proved guilty ?" Julian
immediately answered, "And if he is to be con-
demned upon mere assertion, who can ever be
proved innocent ?"
CVII. PAINTING A FEVER.
I have read somewhere that Raphael and Titian
painted a man in a fever, and that the painting was
so naturally and artfully executed, that a physician,
on looking at the picture, declared at once, that
the original must have been sick of a quartan fe-
ver.
CVIII. CHINESE PHYSICIANS.
1
The physicians of China, to whom we are in-
debted for our knowledge of the circulation of the
blood, have only to feel the arm of their patient in
three places, and to observe the rate of the pulse,
to form an opinion on the cause, nature, danger,
CHEVRÆANA.
71
and duration of the malady. Without the patient ha-
ving occasion to speak at all, they can tell infallibly,
what part is attacked, whether the brain, the heart,
the liver, the lungs, the intestines, the stomach, the
flesh, the bones, and so on. As they are both phy-
sicians and apothecaries, and prepare their own me-
dicines, they are paid only when they effect a cure.
If the same rule were introduced with us, I fear
we should have fewer physicians.
CIX. CURE OF FEVERS IN SWEDEN.
One thing which I saw in Sweden surprised me.
The peasants who have fever, take a quantity of
beer, into which they put ginger, cloves, and cin-
namon, and having heated it as much as their mouth
and stomach will bear, they drink it off. The re-
medy is found to be very effectual.
They have also another remedy which would
appear a startling one to inhabitants of our climate.
They have dry stoves which they call Bastou, in-
to which they enter naked, and when the perspi-
ration is profusely produced on all the body by the
heat of the stove, they immediately come out, and
lie down among the snow, or, if they can swim,
throw themselves into the water. Our physicians
may judge how far their aphorisms agree with the
experience of these peasants.
CX. SCEPTICISM.
The sceptics, who doubt of everything, and
whom Tertullian calls professors of ignorance, do
affirm something, when they say we can affirm no-
thing, and admit that something is certain, when
they maintain that nothing can be certainly known.
CXI. THE GASCON.
A Gascon officer in the regiment of the Duke
de Roquelaure, dining one day with the Duke, the
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conversation turned on Aristotle. Some one main-
tained, that there were a great many admirable
things in Aristotle which were to be found no-
where else. "Well," said the Duke, turning to
the Gascon, who was the butt of the company,
"what do you think of the matter ?"-" My opi-
nion is," replied the Gascon, "that a great many
people talk of having been at Aristotle, who never
were there in their lives." He took the philosopher
for the name of a town.
CXII. CARMELINE THE DENTIST.
Carmeline, the famous tooth-drawer, and maker
of artificial teeth, had his portrait painted and
placed in his chamber window, with a motto taken
from Virgil's line on the Golden Bough, in the
sixth book of the Eneid.
"Uno avulso, non deficit alter."*
The application was extremely happy.
CXIII. RUY SOUza.
The judgment of the people is in their eyes;
the mere appearance of good or evil is sufficient
to deceive them. John II., King of Portugal, the
son and successor of Alphonso V., was asked by
Ruy Souza to have the goodness to speak to him in
the street, and the King granted the favour. Souza
left the palace in company with the king, who
continued talking with him for a considerable time,
and then asked him if that honour would suffice.
Souza returned him the humblest thanks, and took
his leave. The next day, the Portuguese mer-
chants, who no longer entertained any doubt, that
he was in high favour at court, lent 5 or 6000
• When one is drawn out, another is never wanting.
CHEVREANA.
73
crowns, of which he stood in the greatest need, to
liberate him from his embarrassments.
CXIV. A GASCON.
A Gascon, who had gone to a ball, danced so
indifferently that all the company laughed at his
performance. Observing the merriment he had
caused, he turned round to a person near him, and
said haughtily, that though he might dance indif-
ferently, he could fight well. "Then, sir," replied
the other, "I would advise you always to fight, and
never to dance.'
CXV. HELEN.
Every one speaks of the beautiful Helen, but few
are aware that she had five husbands, Theseus, Me-
nelaus, Paris, Deiphobus, and Achilles; that she
was hanged in the Isle of Rhodes by the servants
of Polixo; and that, in the war of which she was
the cause, 886,000 Greeks and 670,000 Trojans
lost their lives.
CXVI. LOUIS XII.
The speech of Louis the XII., to those who
were apprehensive of punishment for the outrages
they had committed against him, under the go-
vernment of La Dame de Beaujeu, when he was
only Duke of Orleans,-" That the King of France
did not remember the injuries of the Duke of Or-
leans," is assuredly a noble sentiment, and worthy
of a king, whose virtues deservedly acquired him
the surname of the Just, and the title of Father of
his Country. But it has not, I think, been observed,
that the Emperor Hadrian had said nearly the
same thing, though in other words, when, after
his elevation, he met with one who had been
among his chief enemies, while a subject, and said,
"Fellow, you are safe, for I am Emperor."
G
74
TABLE-TALK.
CXVII. A QUID PRO QUO.
Masson, Regent of Trinity College, had asked
one of his friends to lend him a book, which he
wished to consult, and received for answer,-
"That he never allowed his books to go out of
his room, but that, if he chose to come there, he
was welcome to read as long as he pleased." Some
days afterwards this pedant applied to Masson for
the loan of his bellows, who replied,- "That he
never allowed his bellows to go out of his room,
but that, if he chose to come there, he was wel-
come to blow as long as he pleased."
CXVIII. BOXHORN.
A gentleman who had studied under Boxhorn,
in Holland, told me that that professor had the
most extraordinary passion for smoking and read-
ing. In order to enjoy both at once, he had a
hole made in the middle of the brim of his hat,
through which he used to stick his lighted pipe
when he intended to read or to compose. When
it was empty, he refilled it, stuck it into the hole,
and smoked away without requiring to put his
hand to it; and this was his occupation almost
every hour of the day.
CXIX. M. MARIGNY.
The Greeks used to drink largely after meals,
and the same custom is still practised in Germany.
Marigny, who perhaps was not aware of it, dining
in the principal hotel in Frankfort, with five or six
persons, was called upon to drink a large bumper
to the health of the emperor. He was obliged to
comply,--and seeing that the debauch was likely
to continue, he sent for two or three loaves, and
having eaten half a loaf to the health of the King
of France, he handed the remaining half to his
CHEVRÆANA.
75
1
neighbour, who could not swallow a morsel. The
others, surprised at this unexpected sally, allowed
him to take his own way, and Marigny thus es-
caped the consequences which he would other-
wise have experienced.
CXX. SOLON'S PHILOSOPHY.
Solon's Philosophy did not seem to be of a very
austere cast, when he said that women, wine, and
the muses, constituted the pleasures of human life.
CXXI. CHARLES V.
Charles V. used to say, that the Portuguese ap-
peared to be fools, and were so; that the Spaniards
appeared wise, and were not so; that the Italians
seemed to be wise, and were so; and that the
French seemed fools, and were not so: That the
Germans spoke like carters, the English like block-
heads, the French like masters, and the Spaniards
like kings. The Sicilians used to call him, Scipio
Africanus; the Italians, David; the French, Her-
cules; the Turks, Julius Cæsar; the Africans,
Hannibal; the Germans, Charlemagne; and the
Spaniards, Alexander the Great.
CXXII. AURELIAN.
Valerius Aurelian was the first of the Roman
emperors who encircled his brow with a diadem.
CXXIII. THE GRAVE OF ATTILA AND ALARIC.
Attila died in 453, and was buried in the midst
of a vast plain, in a coffin, the first covering of which
was of gold, the second of silver, and the third of
iron. Along with the body, were buried all the
spoils of his enemies, harnesses enriched with gold
and precious stones, rich stuffs, and the most va-
luable articles taken from the palaces of the kings
which he had pillaged; and that the place of his
interment might not be known, the Huns put to
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TABLE-TALK.
death, without exception, all those who had assist-
ed at his funeral.
The Goths had previously done the same for
Alaric, who died in the year 410, at Cosenza, a
city of Calabria. They turned for some days
the course of the river Vasento, and having caused
a trench to be dug in its former channel, where
the stream was usually most rapid, they buried the
king there along with immense treasures. They
put to death all those who had assisted in digging
the grave, and restored the stream to its former
bed.
CXXIV. RATS.
There are no rats in the district of Buchan, in
Scotland; and if they are brought thither from
other places, they do not live. There are no ser-
pents nor venomous insects in the Orkneys; and
in the isle of Guernsey, there are no serpents,
toads, nor spiders.
CXXV. ANTIPATHIES.
Some natural antipathies are extremely singular.
Some faint away at the smell of roses. Erasmus,
who was born in Rotterdam, had such an aversion
for fish, that he could not taste it without a fever.
The smell of apples was sufficient with Duchesni,
secretary to Francis I., to cause a violent discharge
of blood from the nose. And a gentleman, at the
Court of the Emperor Ferdinand, used to bleed
copiously at the nose whenever he heard a cat
mew.
The information contained in this article, is probably
new to our northern readers.
[ L
77 7
VIGNEUL MARVILLIANA.
[THE very interesting miscellany, entitled Melanges d'His-
toire et de Litterature, published under the name of ligneul
Marville, is the production of a Carthusian Monk, Dom Noel
d'Argonne, born at Paris in 1634. He is the author also of
a very useful work on the reading of the fathers. His mis-
cellany is full of original anecdote of interesting critical
remarks-and occasionally of valuable historical observa-
tions. He died in 1705.]
CXXVI. A FAIR EXCHANGE.
BREBEUF, when young, had no taste for any
author but Horace. One of his friends, named
Gautier, on the contrary, liked nothing but Lucan.
This preference was the cause of frequent disputes.
To put an end to these, at last they agreed that
each should read the poem which his companion
preferred, examine it, and estimate its merits im-
partially. This was done, and the consequence
was, that Gautier, having read Horace, was so de-
lighted with him, that he scarcely ever left him;
while Brebeuf, enchanted with Lucan, gave him-
self so wholly up to the study of his manner, that
he carried it to a greater extent than Lucan him-
self, as is evident from the translation of that
poem
which he has left us in French verse.
G 2
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TABLE-TALK.
CXXVII. LATE INSTRUCTION.
Socrates, in his old age, learned to play upon a
musical instrument. Cato, aged eighty, began to
learn Greek; and Plutarch acquired Latin in his
old age. John Gelida of Valentia, in Spain, did
not begin the study of belles lettres till he was
forty years old. Henry Spelman, having neglect-
ed the sciences in his youth, resumed them at the
age of fifty, with wonderful success. Fairfax, af-
ter having been General of the Parliamentary Ar-
my in England, went to Oxford, and took his de-
gree as Doctor of Law. Colbert, when Minister
of State, and almost sixty years old, returned to his
Latin and his law, in a situation where he might
have been excusable in neglecting both; and M.
Le Tellier, Chancellor of France, resumed the stu-
dy of logic, that he might dispute with his grand-
children.
CXXVIII. P. CORNEILLE.
Pierre Corneille, who has given such splendour
of expression to the thoughts and sentiments of his
heroes, had nothing in his external appearance that
gave any indication of his talent, and his conver-
sation was so tiresome, as to weary every one who
listened to it. A great princess, who had felt a
great curiosity to see him, used to say, after the
visit was over, that Corneille ought never to be
heard but at the Hotel de Bourgogne.* Nature,
which had been so liberal to him in extraordinary
gifts, had denied him more common accomplish-
ments. When his friends used to remind him of
these defects, he would smile gently, and say, " I
am not the less Pierre Corneille."
- The theatre.
VIGNEUL MARVILLIANA.
79
CXXIX. DEDICATIONS.
Authors are frequently but very ill repaid by
those to whom they dedicate their books. The
only reward which Theodore Gaza received from
Sixtus IV. for his dedication of the Treatise of
Aristotle, on the Nature of Animals, was the price
of the binding of his book, which the Pope gene-
rously repaid to him. Tasso was not more suc-
cessful with his dedications. Ariosto, in present-
ing his poems to the Cardinal d'Este, was saluted
with a sarcasm, which will be remembered as long
as his works. Our historian Dupleix, a very fertile
author, presenting one of his books to the Duke
d'Epernin, that nobleman, turning abruptly towards
the Pope's nuncio, who was present, remarked,
"This is one of your breeding authors; he is de-
ivered of a book every month."
CXXX. IMPRISONED AUTHORS.
Numerous examples prove, that confinement is
not injurious to study. It was in prison that Boe-
thius composed his excellent book on the Conso-
lations of Philosophy. Grotius wrote in prison
his Commentary on St. Matthew. Buchanan, in
the dungeons of a Portuguese monastery, compo-
sed his beautiful paraphrase of the Psalms of Da-
vid, which Nicholas Bourbon preferred to the Bi-
shopric of Paris.* Pelisson, during five years' im-
prisonment, resumed his studies in Greek, philo-
sophy, and theology, with a diligence which pro-
duced the greatest success.
It is said that it was
on board the galleys in Barbary, that Michael Cer-
vantes composed his Don Quixote, the master-
piece of Spanish literature.
* A mistake,
prison.
Buchanan's psalms were not composed in
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TABLE-TALK.
CXXXI. POVERTY OF AUTHORS.
Rarely does good fortune accompany merit. Ho-
mer, poor and blind, recited his verses in squares
and highways, to gain his bread. Plautus, the co-
mic poet, lived by turning a mill-wheel. Xelander
sold, for a little broth, his Commentary upon Dion
Cassius. Aldus Manutius was so poor that he was
rendered insolvent merely by the small sum he bor
rowed to enable him to transport his library from
Venice to Rome. Sigismond Galenius, John Bodi-
nus, Lelio Giraldo, Ludovico Castelvetro, Arch-
bishop Usher, and a multitude of other learned
men, died in poverty. Agrippa died in the hospital;
Cervantes is believed to have died of hunger.* Pa-
olo Borghese, who had written a Jerusalem Deli-
vered on the plan of Tasso, was acquainted with
14 trades, and could not make a living by them all.
Tasso was reduced to such extremity, that he was
obliged to borrow a crown from a friend for his
week's subsistence, and to beg his cat, in a pretty
sonnet, to lend him the use of her eyes during the
night, "Non avendo candele per scriver suoi ver-
si." And how melancholy is it to see Cardinal Ben-
tivoglio, the ornament of Italy and the belles let-
tres, and the benefactor of the poor, after so many
important services rendered to the public, by his
embassies and his writings, languishing in poverty
in his old age, selling his palace to pay his debts,
and dying without leaving wherewithal to bury him!
In France, André Duchesni, the learned histo-
rian; Vaugelas, one of the most polished of writers,
and amiable of men; Baudoin, of the Academie
* Probably a mistake for Camoens. Though Cervantes died
in indigence, there is no reason to think he actually died of
hunger.
VIGNEUL MARVILLIANA.
81
Françoise, and De l'Etoile, have lived in misery,
and died in poverty.
CXXXII. JEAN DE LAUNOI.
Jean de Launoi, Doctor of Paris, died in 1678,
after a life spent in continual labour. Few have
written more; for he left 70 volumes of his own
composition, almost all written in Latin. He was
a critic, terrible both in heaven and earth. He has
dethroned more saints than any ten Popes have
ever canonized. He investigated the claims of all of
them to authenticity, one after the other: and the
Curate of St Eustache used to say, "When I meet
M. de Launoi, I always bow to the ground, lest
he should deprive me of my St Eustache."
CXXXIII. THE FRENCH ACADEMY.
Some learned men used to meet in 1629, to dis-
cuss different points of science and literature toge-
ther. These were, M. Godeau, afterwards Bishop
of Grâce, De Gombaut, Geri, Chapelain, Habert,
LAbbe Cerisy, Conrart, and Malleville. Some time
afterwards they were joined by Faret, Desmarets,
and Boisrobert. This last person, who was attach-
ed to the household of Cardinal Richelieu, used to
report to him the result of these conferences; and
the minister, who saw their importance, resolved
to give to these assemblies a more regular form.
Such was the origin of the Academie Françoise,
the number of whose members was fixed at 40,
by a royal edict in 1635. At first under the pa-
tronage of Richelieu, it passed subsequently under
that of the Chancellor Seguier, and Louis the XIV.
finally declared himself its patron. The first sit-
tings were held in turn at the house of each Aca-
demician; the Chancellor Seguier transferred them
to his hotel; and when the King became patron of
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the Academy, he provided them with an apartment
in the Louvre.
CXXXIV. BIBLIOMANIA.
The Bibliomania has been on the increase among
men of letters for a century past: and some wish-
ing to form vast libraries, have searched not only
the whole of Europe, but also the East, to disco-
ver ancient books and rare manuscripts; which has
been the source of many impostures and ridiculous
mistakes. Towards the close of last century, some
cheats or ignorant persons sent over from India to
Paris, a number of Arabian manuscripts, in excel-
lent condition, and written in a very beautiful cha-
racter. They were received with profound respect
by those who knew nothing of the matter; but as
soon as those acquainted with the language cast
their eyes upon them, they discovered that these
rare volumes were common registers and account-
books of Arabian merchants! Risum teneatis,
amici.
CXXXV. CHANCE.
Chance has frequently assisted the progress of
the arts and sciences. Father Malebranche is an
instance of this. Having finished the usual course
of philosophy and theology, without any other
view than that of devoting himself to piety, he ne-
ver dreamt of the reputation he subsequently ac-
quired but one day turning over some books by
chance in a bookseller's shop, Descartes' " Man"
fell into his hands. He read part of it, and felt ir-
resistibly impelled to read the rest. From this cir-
cumstance, he was led to embark in those profound
meditations which have given birth to so many no-
ble works in physics, metaphysics, and morals,
and procured for him the title of the Plato of his
age.
VIGNEUL MARVILLIANA.
83
CXXXVI. DYING VERSES.
We have several instances of persons who have
evinced their strength of mind, by composing ver-
ses when on the point of death. The Emperor
Adrian, before expiring, as everybody knows, com-
posed the celebrated epigram, " Animula Vagula
Blandula." Salmasius, attacked by a mortal dis-
ease, while still young, and while in momentary
expectation of death, composed his epitaph in
verse. Patris, a celebrated Poet of Caen, seeing
himself dying, wrote those beautiful verses, so wor-
thy of our attention, "Je songeois cette nuit."
Desbarreaux, who had led the life of an Epicurean,
composed, before his death, the well-known son-
net," Grand Dieu, tes Jugemens." Margaret of
Austria, about to perish in a tempest at sea, com-
posed her epitaph in verse. And Mademoiselle
de Serment, a learned lady of Grenoble, died while
finishing these verses, addressed to Death :-
-Nectare clausa suo,
Dignum tantorum pretium tulit illa laborum.
CXXXVII. ORIGINES.
Paulus Jovius is the first who has introduced
Mottoes: Dorat the first who brought Anagrams
into fashion. Rabelais is the first who has written
Satires in French prose: Etienne Jodelle the first
who introduced Tragedies into France. The Car-
dinal of Ferrara, Archbishop of Lyons, is the first
person who had a Tragi-Comedy performed on our
stage, by Italian Comedians. The first Sonnet
which appeared in our language, is attributed to
Jodelle.
CXXXVIII. VOITURE.
Chavaroche, a Limousin and Intendant of the
House of Rambouillet, having a quarrel with Voi-
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ture, who continually tormented him, compelled
him one day to draw his sword, and wounded him
slightly in the thigh. The quarrel was made up
for a time; but no sooner had Voiture recovered,
than he resumed his old habits, by sending a letter
to Chavaroche, which began in this way, "Know-
ing your great attachment to law-suits, as well as
to myself," &c. assuring him, in conclusion, that
he would not call him Hog any longer; and that
he would bestow upon him the first situation he
had in his gift. This was said from his knowledge
that Chavaroche was continually hunting after si-
tuations of all kinds, and had already contrived to
secure several.
CXXXIX. CARDINAL RICHELIEU.
Cardinal Richelieu had composed a comedy, en-
titled, Europe; of which France, Spain, and the
other European states composed the characters.
This piece, which was entirely of a political na-
ture, and ill adapted for the stage, was played at
the Hotel de Bourgogne, at the same time with the
Cid. At the end of the piece, one of the actors
came forward to pronounce a magnificent eulogium
upon the piece, and to announce it for representa-
tion the next day; but a murmur was immediately
heard through the house, and a general call for the
Cid.
The Cardinal withdrew his piece, and was
so much annoyed by this incident, that he imme-
diately determined to procure the fall of the Cid,
and united all the French Academy in the compo-
sition of the celebrated Critique which is known to
every one. Before the performance of his Europe,
the Cardinal had sent the piece to the Academy,
in order that any errors against the rules of the
stage or of poetry might be corrected. The Aca-
VIGNEUL MARVILLIANA.
85
demy obeyed, and criticised it so severely, that
they scarcely left a line unaltered. The Cardi-
nal, to whom it was brought back in this condi
tion, was so enraged, that he tore it on the spot,
and threw it in pieces into the hearth.
This was
in summer, and fortunately there was no fire in the
hearth. The Cardinal went to bed; but he felt
the tenderness of a father for his dear Europe: he
regretted having used it so cruelly; and calling up
his secretary, he ordered him to collect with care
the papers from the chimney, and to go and look
whether he could find any paste in the house-add-
ing, that in all probability he would find some starch
with the women who took charge of his linen. The
secretary went to their apartment; and having
found what he wanted, he spent the greater part
of the night with the Cardinal, in trying to paste
together the dismembered comedy. Next morn-
ing, he had it recopied in his presence, and chan-
ged almost every one of the corrections of the Aca-
demy,-affecting, at the same time, to retain a few
of the least important. He sent it back to them the
same day by Boisrobert, and told them they would
perceive how much he had profited by their criti-
cisms; but as all men were liable to error, he had
not thought it necessary to follow them impli-
citly. The Academy, who had learned the vexa-
tion of the Cardinal, took care not to retouch the
piece, and returned it to him with their unanimous
approbation. It was in this situation that it was
produced on the stage, where it succeeded so ill,
that the historian of the French Academy has not
thought proper to attribute its composition to the
illustrious founder of that institution, but has as-
cribed it to Saint Sorlin, who, in fact, may have had
H
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some share in it, as he was entirely attached to the
Cardinal de Richelieu.
CXL. FATHER SIMON.
The celebrated Father Simon, of the Oratoire,
had long delayed taking on himself the order of
priesthood, on account of his great and profound
study; but in consequence of a peremptory order
from his superior, he was at last obliged to leave his
house at July, and to set out for Meaux, to receive
his ordination. He arrived, with two of his com-
panions, after the usual hour of examination. M.
de Ligny, who was then bishop of the diocese, see-
ing these fathers arrive at this uncommon hour,
thought they must be some ignorant fellows, who
had come with the view of annoying him; and un-
der this impression, he recommended to the exa-
miner, whom he had kept to dine with him, not
to spare them. The signal being given, the exa-
miner, turning to M. de Simon, said to him, in a
grave tone, "I shall not ask
you if you understand
Latin; I know it is taught in your college with re-
putation. Horace, however, has his difficulties:
Will you explain to me the first Satire ?" present-
ing to him the book. M. Simon having acquitted
himself well, the examiner went on-" And Philo-
sophy-I suppose you are pretty fairly stocked
with ?" M. Simon, who was in the practice of
teaching it, answered modestly, that he studied it
every day. The examiner having stated a captious
argument, M. Simon escaped adroitly by a "dis-
tinguo." "I see,” said the examiner, "you know
something of Philosophy-and Theology, no doubt?
a priest of the Oratoire without Theology, would
be as bad as a cordelier without Latin." With this,
the examiner attacked M. Simon on the controver-
B
VIGNEUL MARVILLIANA.
87
sial questions of the time; but finding him ortho-
dox on them, he abandoned them for more solid
discussion. "We see enough," said he, " of theo-
logians and philosophers in the ecclesiastical state,
but we have but few who devote themselves to the
study of the Oriental Languages, and read the
Scriptures in the original. Ah! how delightful,"
said he, turning to the bishop, "to read these sa-
cred volumes as they were written! what charms
does the Hebrew possess for men of learning !"
The prelate, casting down his eyes, answered, that
he had heard as much from Messieurs de Muys
and de Flavigny, both very learned Hebraists.
The examiner, returning to M. Simon, asked him
if he had any taste for this beautiful language?
M. Simon observed, that he was acquainted with
its elements, and had always had a peculiar plea-
sure in the study of the Scriptures in the original.
"How delighted I am to hear it !" said the exa-
miner; "and how seldom do we meet with minds
so well-directed as yours! Tell me, however,
what is the Hebrew name for Genesis ?"
"Be-
resith," replied M. Simon. The field being thus
opened, the combat began; both parties became
animated; they declaimed, they argued, they cited
polyglots, and Rabbis ancient and modern.
The
examiner, confounded at such a display of erudi-
tion, made but a feeble resistance. M. Simon
pressed him, pushed him on all sides, and gave him
no quarter.
The examiner stumbled at last, and
was fairly beaten down, and trampled under foot,
by his tremendous antagonist. The bishop, who
laughed from his very heart, was delighted to wit-
ness and prolong the battle; but seeing that din-
ner was getting cold, and taking pity, too, on the
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discomfited examiner, he gave his benediction to
M. Simon, assuring him that, next day, he and his
brethren should be admitted to holy orders without
farther examination. The prelate went to dinner,
the examiner to dry the perspiration produced by
the debate, and M. Simon to his lodging, along
with his companions, laughing in his sleeve at the
result of the examination.
CXLI. FOUQUET.
The celebrated Fouquet, superintendant of the
finances, who experienced so long and so signal a
disgrace, was uncommonly fortunate in his friends.
Loret, the day after his arrest, proclaimed in the
Gazette the obligations he owed to this Mæcenas.
Pelisson endured imprisonment on his account,
and employed all his eloquence to justify him :
Mademoiselle Scudery made use of all her talents,
and the credit she possessed with persons of in-
fluence, to support the sinking reputation of her
benefactor and friend. His physician Pecquet was
inconsolable ever after, and Brebeuf died of vexa-
tion.
CXLII. THE CONSTABLE MONTMORENCY.
The Constable Anne de Montmorency had a sin-
gular species of devotion. He was accustomed to
count his beads during the march of his army; and
as he fingered them, he would give orders, some-
times to set a village on fire-sometimes to sur-
prise a party, to massacre a garrison, or to hang a
soldier. The Constable's chaplet could not have
been of coral, or if it was, it certainly did not pre-
vent the effusion of blood.*
Alluding to the supposed medical qualities of coral
VIGNEUL MARVILLIANA.
89
CXLIII. ST BARTHOLOMEW.
After the massacre of St Bartholomew, Charles
IX., wishing to throw the odium of this dreadful
day upon the Guises, was dissuaded from it by M.
de Morvillier, who had been keeper of the seals,
because it would be the means of procuring for these
princes the favour of the Catholics, which it was
the interest of the king to monopolize for himself.
He therefore advised the king openly to avow and
justify the massacre, by trying the dead bodies of
the Admiral, of Cavagne, and Briquemaut, which
was afterwards executed by Morvillier, by the
king's order, after a secret communication with the
first President de Thou.
CXLIV. CHARLES II. OF SPAIN.
It is related of Charles II. King of Spain, that
at his birth he was placed in a box of cotton, being
so little and so delicate, that they could not ven-
ture to swaddle him.
CXLV. LOUIS XI.
When Louis XI. ordered the Count d'Armagnac,
lieutenant of the kingdom of Naples, to be behead-
ed, he made his children stand beneath the scaf-
fold, with their hands joined, and dressed in black,
in order that, their habits being stained with blood,
this dreadful example might be ever present to their
remembrance, and might keep them in awe for
life.
CXLVI. THE CONSTABLE OF BOURBON.
After the death of Charles of Bourbon, (the Con-
stable,) his gate and the threshold of his hotel in
Paris, in front of the Louvre, were painted yellow.
It was formerly the custom, in declaring a person
a traitor to his king, to paint his door yellow, and
H 2
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TABLE-TALK.
sow salt on the floor of his house; as was done in
the case of the Admiral de Chatillon.
CXLVII. NAVIGATION OF THE ANCIENTS.
The History of the Commerce and Navigation
of the Ancients, the work of the celebrated Huet,
Bishop of Avranches, is most valuable for its
erudition, the depth of its researches, its arrange-
ment, and completeness. And yet, in the place
where he treats of the voyages made by the Car-
thaginians, and afterwards by the Greeks and Ro-
mans to the East Indies, by doubling the Cape of
Good Hope, he has omitted a fact related by Stra-
bo, which appears more decisive than anything he
says on the subject. This learned geographer re-
lates, on the authority of Eratosthenes and Possi-
demus, that, during the time that a person of the
name of Eudoxus was at the court of Ptolemy
Euergetes II., those who guarded the passages of
the Arabian Gulf, brought to him an Indian, whom
they had found on board a vessel, and that the prince,
having caused him to be instructed in Greek, learn-
ed that he came from India; and that, if he would
give him a vessel and mariners, he could conduct
them to his own country. Ptolemy having equip-
ped a vessel, sent off the Indian along with Eu-
doxus, who had orders to accompany him.
vessel sailed through the Straits of Gibraltar, and
having penetrated far into the Eastern Ocean, re-
turned loaded with aromatics and precious stones.
The
After the death of Ptolemy, Cleopatra, his wife,
caused another vessel to be equipped, and dispatch-
ed the same Eudoxus to the coast of Ethiopia.
When he arrived there, he found on the sea-shore
the wreck of a vessel, and was particularly sur-
prised to find that the prow bore the figure of a
VIGNEUL MARVILLIANA.
91
horse. On inquiring of the inhabitants of the coast
from what quarter the vessel had come, he learnt
that it had come from the east. Eudoxus carried
the prow with him to Alexandria; and the most
experienced pilots having examined it, unanimous-
ly reported that it was the wreck of a vessel built at
Cadiz, where they had seen vessels with similar
prows; all which tallied exactly with the report of
the Ethiopians. This fact, and many others which
are to be found in the History of Commerce, prove
unanswerably, that the ancients had frequently at-
tempted the voyage to India by sea, and had dou-
bled the Cape of Good Hope. Eudoxus was but
poorly rewarded: he was deprived of the whole
produce of the voyage; and was thus obliged to
retire to Cadiz, where he attempted a third time
the tour of Africa, as we learn from Pliny.
CXLVIII. DON CARLOS.
Don Carlos, son of Philip II. of Spain, had com-
posed a book on the subject of his father's travels,
with the title, "The Great and Wondrous Travels
of King Philip." As these travels consisted mere-
ly of excursions from Madrid to the Escurial, and
from the Escurial to Madrid, Philip caused Don
Carlos to be tried by the Inquisition. The cause
of this unfortunate prince's death is not exactly
known. Some say that his father put him to death
through jealousy; others, that it was done in order
to be revenged for his railleries and insults; and
others, in order to free the kingdom from a trou-
blesome prince. Neither is the manner of his
death known—whether he died by bleeding, like
Seneca, or was suffocated between two mattresses,
or strangled by the executioner. After his death,
a collection of his extravagancies was made in Spa-
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nish. He possessed talents, but so unregulated by
judgment, that it cannot be denied that he was in
a great measure the author of his fate.
The little romance of Don Carlos, by the Abbé
St Real, is extremely well written, and paints ex-
actly the character of this young prince; but the
truth of history is violated, as is generally the case
in such works.
CXLIX. THE FIGHT WITH THE DRAGON.
We find related in history, a very brave action
of a knight of St John of Jerusalem, named Gozon.
At the time that the island of Rhodes was in pos-
session of that order, it was haunted by a dragon
of enormous magnitude, residing in a cave, from
which he infested the very air by his breath, and
committed dreadful ravages in the country, throwing
himself indifferently on man and beast. The at-
tempts which had been made to destroy him ha-
ving failed, and several persons having perished in
the enterprise, the Grand Master prohibited all the
knights from attempting this perilous adventure,
without his permission, on pain of expulsion from
the order. Gozon, who had retired to visit his
property in Provence, constructed an image of
pasteboard, exactly resembling a dragon; and ha-
ving taught his horse to look upon the figure without
starting, and two dogs to fight with it, he returned
to Rhodes, accompanied by his two dogs and some
servants. Having come to a hill near Maupas, in
the vicinity of which the dragon had his haunt, he
left his domestics there, ordering them to advance
if they saw him in danger. He then descended
into the plain, armed at all points, and followed by
his dogs. The dragon, who perceived his approach,
having sallied out to seize upon him, was received
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93
with a stroke of his lance in the shoulder, which
only irritated the monster the more; but the two
dogs, coming up, threw themselves upon him, seized
him by the belly, as they had been taught, and gave
time to Gozon to dismount, and to plunge his sword
into his throat. The dragon, losing his strength
with his blood, fell to the ground, oversetting the
brave knight at the same time. The servants, who
saw him fall, came up immediately, and finding the
monster lifeless, raised up their master, bathed him
with water from a rivulet which flowed near, and
recovered him from the swoon, which had been
caused by fatigue and the stench of the poison.
Gozon remounted his horse, and returned to
Rhodes, where he related the battle to the Grand
Master, begging him to pardon the offence of which
he had been guilty, in fighting against his orders.
The Grand Master praised his courage; but, to pu-
nish his disobedience, ordered him to be imprison-
ed, and deprived of the habit of the Order. The
chastisement, however, was a mere formality; for
he was, in a few days, restored to liberty and to his
commandry. Gozon was finally elevated to the
dignity of Grand Master. He died in 1353.
perpetuate the memory of the defeat of the dragon,
the words "Dragonis Extinctor" (the destroyer of
the dragon) were placed upon his tomb.*
CL. SUGAR PLUMS.
To
We meet with extravagances in the world, which
we must endure, and, indeed, adopt, while they
last. Their absurdity does not completely appear
• We need hardly remind our German readers, that this
incident has been versified by Schiller, in his beautiful bal-
lad of "The Fight with the Dragon.'
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TABLE-TALK.
till after they are over. During the reign of Henry
III. there was a time when it was thought im-
possible to exist without sugar plums. Every one
carried his box of sugar plums in his pocket, as he
now does his snuff-box. It is related in the his-
tory of the Duke de Guise, that when he was kill-
ed at Blois, he had his comfit-box in his hand.
CLI. DES CARTES.
Des Cartes, when in Holland, had, with a great
deal of industry, constructed an automaton girl,
(which gave rise to the report that he had a daugh-
ter named Franchine,) in order to prove demon-
stratively that brutes have no souls, and are mere-
ly well constructed machines, which are put in mo-
tion by the impression of external substances that
strike against them, and communicate to them a
portion of their motion. Having put this machine
on board a vessel, the captain had the curiosity to
open the chest in which it was packed, and, sur-
prised at the appearance of the automaton, which
moved like an animated being, he got frightened,
and threw it into the sea, thinking it was the devil.
CLII. ERASMUS' COLLOQUIES.
Simon Colinet, a bookseller in Paris, in printing
the Colloquies of Erasmus, threw off an impression
of 80,000 copies. This number appears surpri-
sing;
but we must recollect, that books were then
more rare than they now are, and were consequent-
ly sought after with more avidity. The bookseller,
also, had the address to circulate a report, that the
Colloquies had been prohibited, in order to increase
the demand-a device which was successful.
CLIII. DEODATI AND DUMOULIN.
Deodati, Professor at Geneva, was one day ask-
ed what he thought of the preaching of Dumoulin;
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95
to which he answered sneeringly, "Clear waters
are never deep." Shortly afterwards, Deodati him-
self delivered a sermon, and Dumoulin was asked
his opinion. Dumoulin, who had learned the re-
mark of the critic, parodied the expression, and
answered, "Deep waters are never clear."
CLIV. BUSSY RABUTIN.
The Count de Bussy Rabutin, speaking of love,
says, that it frequently occasions worse follies in
old persons than in young ones; and that this pas-
sion is like the small-pox, which is always the more
destructive the later the disease is caught.
CLV. UGLINESS.
Pelisson being exceedingly ugly, a lady one day
said to him, "In truth, monsieur, you abuse the per-
mission which men have, to be ugly."
CLVI. HOW TO CIRCULATE A SATIRE.
Mignot, the famous pastry-cook, having learned
that he had been ill treated by Despreaux, in his
third Satire, brought an action against him; but
finding that he was merely laughed at, he deter-
mined to be more effectually revenged. As he
was celebrated for the excellence of his biscuits,
and all Paris used to send for them to his shop, he
caused to be printed, at his own expense, a great
many copies of the Abbé Cotin's Satire against
Despreaux, and wrapped them round the biscuits
he sold, in order to give them circulation; thus as-
sociating his own talents with those of the Abbé.
His indignation, however, abated, when he found
that Boileau's satire, far from being injurious to
him, had completely brought him into fashion.
CLVII. FRANCIS I.
Pierre de Castelan, grand almoner of France,
having maintained, in the funeral oration of Francis
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I., that that prince enjoyed the happiness of the
saints, without having passed through the flames of
purgatory, the faculty of theology sent deputies to
call the grand almoner to account. Jean de Men-
doza, to whom the king had referred the deputies,
extricated the almoner from the scrape in this way:
"Gentlemen," said he, "I am aware for what pur-
pose you are come. It is to debate with the grand
almoner, as to the locality of the soul of the late
king, our good master. Now, if will take my
opinion in the matter, who know him as well as
any one, I can assure you, he was not likely to stay
long in any one place; so that if ever he was in
purgatory at all, depend upon it, he made but a very
short stay there." Thus the conference termina-
ted; and the deputation retired, after this grave de-
cision.
CLVIII.
you
CHARACTERS IN WRITING.
The characters of writing have followed the ge-
nius of the barbarous ages: they are well or ill
formed, in proportion as the sciences have flourish-
ed more or less. Antiquaries remark, that the me-
dals struck during the consulship of Fabius Pictor,
about 250 years before Augustus, have the letters
better formed than those of an older date. Those
of the time of Augustus, and of the following age,
show characters of perfect beauty. Those of Dio-
cletian and Maximian are worse formed than those
of the Antonines; and, again, those of the Justins
and Justinians degenerate into a Gothic taste. But
it is not to medals only that these remarks are ap-
plicable; we see the same inferiority of written
characters generally following in the train of bar-
barism and ignorance. During the first race of
our kings, we find no writing which is not a mix-
VIGNEUL MARVILLIANA.
97
ture of Roman and other characters. Under the
empire of Charlemagne and of Louis le Débon-
naire, the characters returned almost to the same
point of perfection which characterised them in the
time of Augustus, but in the following age there
was a relapse to the former barbarism; so that for
four or five centuries we find only the Gothic
characters in manuscripts; for it is not worth
while making an exception for some short periods,
which were somewhat more polished, and when
there was less inelegance in the formation of the
letters.
CLIX. ANTIMONY.
The origin of antimony is singular. Basil Va-
lentine, superior of a monastery, having observed
the effect of the mineral in fattening hogs, wished
to try whether it would produce the same effect
on his monks. The result unfortunately was very
different, for the monks who took it died soon
after; and hence the origin of the name (Anti-
Moine). In spite of this tragical experiment,
however, Paracelsus resolved upon bringing the
mineral into use, thinking he could employ it
along with some other preparations; but neither
could he boast of his success. The medical fa-
culty of Paris was at first divided into two par-
ties on the occasion. Some declared that antimony
was a poison; others, that it was an excellent re-
medy. The dispute was not confined to the circle
of the faculty, and it became general in Paris; the
Parliament and the Sorbonne took part in it, but
in a short time all doubts were at an end, the
wonderful effects of the mineral being proved; and
the faculty at length placed it in the list of their
most efficient medicines.
I
98
TABLE-TALK.
CLX. GLASS.
According to Pliny, we are indebted for the
invention of glass to some merchants who were
travelling with nitre, and who stopped near a
river called Belus, flowing from Mount Carmel.
As they could find no stones to support their
cooking-pot, they made use of some pieces of the
nitre. The action of the fire mixing the nitre
with the sand, produced a transparent substance,
which was, in fact, glass.
CLXI. ROMAN CALENDAR.
Most of those who are acquainted with the Ro-
man manner of computation by Kalends, Ides and
Nones, are ignorant of the reason; which is this:
The ancient Romans at first regulated their months
according to the course of the moon, and having
observed that it presented three remarkable varie-
ties every month, the first, when it is concealed
in conjunction with the sun; the second, when it
begins to be seen at setting; the third, when, op-
posite to the sun, it is seen fully illuminated by
his rays, they called the first day of the month
the Kalends, from the Latin word Celare, because
for this day the planet was concealed; or, accord-
ing to Juba, from the Greek word Kalein, because
they then assembled the people to announce that
the Nones, that is, the fair or market, would take
place on the fifth day after. The day when the
moon, beginning to re-appear, was in its first
quarter, they called the Nones, from the Greek
Neos, and the day when it appeared full, the Ides,
from the word Eidos, face, because it was then
in its beauty, and showed its entire face. From
the Ides, till the end of the month, they reckoned
14, 13, 12, &c. before the Kalends of the follow-
VIGNEUL MARVILLIANA.
99
ing month; and from the first day of that month
till the Nones, the 2d, 3d, 4th, &c. after the Ka-
lends.
CLXII.
SEPULCHRAL LAMPS.
It happens frequently when antiquarians are in-
specting by torch-light old sepulchres which they
have opened, that thick vapours, produced by the
decomposition of the bodies, become ignited at the
approach of the flame, to the great astonishment of
the attendants, who have more than once shouted
a miracle. This sudden effect is quite natural;
but it has occasioned the belief that these flames
proceed from the perpetual lamps which they pre-
tend were placed in the tombs of the ancients, and
which they say are extinguished the first moment
the external air gains admission into them.
CLXIII. TEARING THE GARMENTS.
It was anciently the custom of the Jews to rend
their garments in seasons of grief and affliction.
The practice is still kept up among some tribes of
the East, when any misfortune befalls them. The
Jews mingled a great deal of ceremony with it;
sometimes they made the rent from the top down-
wards; sometimes from the skirt upwards. The
requisite length was a hand's-breadth. When
made on the occasion of the death of parents, it
was not sewed up again; when for the loss of
other persons, it was sewed up at the end of thirty
days. It is in reference to this practice that So-
lomon has said, "There is a time to rend and a
time to sew;" that is to say, a time to be afflicted,
and a time to admit consolation. Accordingly, it
may be observed, that the greater number of the
observances spoken of in Scripture, which to us
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TABLE-TALK.
may appear extraordinary, are founded upon some
ancient custom of the Jewish nation.
CLXIV. AN EXTEMPORE DISCOURSE.
A young preacher of a prepossessing appear-
ance, and an agreeable voice and manner, having
mounted the pulpit, was suddenly seized with loss
of memory, and completely forgot his sermon. To
come down again would have been disgraceful.
If he tried to preach, he had nothing to say.
What was to be done in this extremity? He re-
solved to stand firm, and to make the most of his
voice and gestures, without using any but imperfect
or unconnected expressions, such as, in fact, but,
if, and again, to conclude, and so on.
Never did a
preacher appear to possess such fire. He bellow-
ed, he uttered pathetic exclamations, he clapped
his hands, he stamped with his feet. Everything
shook about him, the very vault of the church
echoed with his vehemence. The audience re-
mained in profound silence; every one put forward
his head, and redoubled his attention, to understand
what was perfectly unintelligible. Those who
were near the pulpit said, we are too near, we can
hear nothing. Those who were farther off, re-
gretted the distance at which they sat, thinking
they were losing the finest things in the world. In
short, the preacher kept his audience on the stretch
for three quarters of an hour; and retired with the
applause of the whole audience, each of whom de-
termined next time to choose his seat better, in
order not to lose the fruits of such a discourse.
Moll
[101]
VALESIANA.
[Adrian de Valois, the author of the Valesiana, was born
in 1607. From his great acquaintance with the Greek and
Latin poets, and more particularly with everything rela-
ting to the history of his country, he was appointed Histo-
riographer of France, a situation which he filled with great
ability. The Valesiana contains many valuable detached
historical observations, particularly on the works of Du
Cange. He has also left behind him a variety of works, all
distinguished by an extensive erudition. He died in 1692.]
CLXV. M. DE VALOIS.
How thankful I ought to be to Heaven! At
eighty years of age I possess all the vigour of
youth; I write and read the smallest characters
without the assistance of glasses; I have never
been subject to stone, to gout, to rheumatism, and,
with the exception of an occasional cold of eight
days' duration, I scarcely know what it is to be
indisposed. My memory is as good as ever. I
can remember a whole passage, and the place
where I have read it fifty years ago. There are
but few who can tell the same story, for the mind
generally declines with the body at so advanced a
period of life. Among my acquaintances, I know
only M. Menage who can say as much, and he too
has an inconvenience in his lameness, from which
I am free. In other points, he is as healthy as
myself, and possesses a surprising memory, which
I 2
102
TABLE-TALK.
enables him alone to entertain a company agree-
ably.
I begin, however, to feel one of the inconveni-
ences of age.
There are few who have had more
friends than I, and now I see only five or six of
my old acquaintances left around me. This is the
evil of living too long. We remain upon the earth
only to survive our friends, our relations, and not
unfrequently ourselves.
CLXVI. CHAPELAIN.
Chapelain received from the Duke de Longue-
ville several donations, and a pension of a thousand
crowns for his Pucelle. This lasted a considerable
time, till the prince, losing patience at the long de-
lay of the poem, cut off a thousand francs annual-
ly from the allowance. He had boarded himself
with one of his relations, and whenever he dined
or supped abroad, he made a proportional deduc-
tion from his board. His relation bore all with
patience, knowing he could be no loser by it in
the end. During the illness of which he died, he
had with him in the house more than 150,000
francs in specie, and his amusement consisted in
opening his strong-box, which he had placed near
his bed, and examining his money-bags one by one,
to see whether all was safe or not. On the day he
died, the whole of his bags were ranged round his
bed, and M. D-, whom I met soon after he
expired, said as he came up to me, "Our friend
Chapelain has died like a miller, with all his sacks
about him."
CLXVII. ST PAVIN.
M. de St Pavin was one of the disciples of
Theophile. The cause of his conversion was that
on the night of Theophile's death, St Pavin, who
VALESIANA.
103
was in bed, heard Theophile on the stair calling
him by name in a loud and terrible voice. St Pa-
vin, who knew that Theophile was in the last ex-
tremity, was much surprised, and throwing himself
out of bed, summoned his valet de chambre, and
asked him if he had heard nothing. The servant
answered, that he had heard a frightful voice on the
stair. "Ah!" said St Pavin, "it is Theophile,
come to bid me adieu." Next morning a message
came to announce that Theophile had died the
night before at eleven o'clock, which was the same
hour at which the voice had been heard by St
Pavin.
CLXVIII. MONTMAUR.
Professor Mommor (Montmaur) was fond of
feasting at other people's expense. He had got ad-
mission to the tables of most of the leading men,
by occasionally dealing out with a pompous air a
few words of Greek and Latin. After eating and
drinking his fill, he used to amuse his entertainers
by abusing all the learned men who were either
alive or dead. Not one escaped. The literary men
thought themselves bound to discharge the debt of
gratitude, which they owed him, by celebrating
him as he deserved. M. Menage was the first to
sound the alarm against him. He wrote his life
in Latin, and at the end of each chapter inserted a
short epigram of five verses, exhorting all the
learned to take arms against the common enemy.
I was not disposed to be the last to take the field
in so agreeable a warfare. I caused two Latin
pieces of this professor, the one in prose, the other
in verse, to be printed, with notes; and although
the two taken together, amounted only to eight
pages, I divided them into two volumes. I added
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TABLE-TALK.
the life which had been written by Menage, and
all the Latin and French verses which I could col-
lect on the subject, to which I subjoined a few
Latin epigrams as my own contribution to these
testimonia. The book was printed at Paris in
1643, in quarto, with this sounding title, "Petri
Montmauri, Græcarum Literarum Professoris Regii,
Opera, in duos tomos divisa, iterum edita, et notis
nunc primum illustrata, a Quinto Januario Fron-
tone." The book is now extremely rare.
CLXIX. SINGULAR CONTRACT OF MARRIAGE.
M. Varillas told us the other day of a very sin-
gular circumstance—that in the year 1297, in the
county of Armagnac, a marriage was entered into
for seven years, between two persons of noble
rank, with a reserved power of prolonging the term
at the expiry of that period, if the parties should
be found to suit each other. He told us, that it
was farther provided by the contract, that, in case
of their separation after that period, the issue of
the marriage, male and female, were to be equally
divided between the parties, and in the event of
there being an odd number, they should draw lots
for the supernumerary child. This contract of
marriage, ad tempus, is in the Royal Library, and
it was one day that M. de Varillas was in the li-
brary in search of some manuscripts which he
wanted, that he laid his hands on it.
CLXX. ABSENCE OF MIND.
M. M- had his head so full of law and
court forms, that he frequently met his most inti-
mate friends without speaking to them, or even
saluting them. He never was without five or six
litigations of his own, and he applied himself to
them with such intense ardour, that he almost for-
VALESIANA.
105
got to eat and drink. This attachment to law used
occasionally to throw him into such reveries, that
having one day gone into church and taken the
holy water to sprinkle it on his forehead, instead
of the usual formula, "In the name," &c., he
gravely went on, "Saving and excepting all right
of opposition, and appeal competent to the party."
These words he pronounced with a grave and
audible voice, to the consternation of all the by-
standers.
CLXXI. THE ELEVEN THOUSAND MARTYRS.
There has been, according to the common opi-
nion, a St Ursula, who was a martyr, though the
time of her existence is not known. As for the
eleven thousand virgins, however, I must be ex-
cused if I doubt the whole story. The error, ac-
cording to the conjecture of the learned Father
Simond, arose in this way. The inventors of the
story having found in some old manuscripts of
martyrology, S. S. Ursula et Undecimilla V. M.
i. e. Sanctæ Ursula et Undecimilla, Virgines
Martyræ; and taking the Undecimilla V. M. for a
contraction of Undecim Millia Virginum Martyr-
um, have reared up this wonderful romance out of
their own mistake. I cannot understand how the
doctors of the Sorbonne, among whom there are
so many men of ability, should have allowed this
host of contraband saints to keep their place in the
church, while they had so many of undoubted me-
rit to choose their list from.
CLXXII. THE DYING BANKER.
M. P—————— called on me one day, at the time
when daily regulations were taking place in Paris,
with regard to the change of the coinage. He told
me he had just been visiting M, de L., a rich
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TABLE-TALK.
banker, who was on the point of death. The dying
man, after telling him he was perfectly reconciled
to the will of God, and recommending himself to
his prayers, turned to him as he was leaving his
bed-side, and said to him, "Well-any news of
specie to-day?"
CLXXIII. COACHES.
Luxury has never been so universal as at pre-
sent. The poor attempt to rival the rich; or the
rich to disguise obscurity of birth by the splendour
of their establishment and the richness of their
dress. People were wiser in my younger days.*
There was then no difficulty in walking the streets,
for coaches were rare enough. It is astonishing to
see how these vehicles have multiplied. The three
first coaches which had been seen in Paris, were
those of Catherine de Medicis, of Diana, Duchess
of Angouleme, and of De Thou, first President of
the Parliament. The last had recourse to it only
from necessity, on account of the gout, which in-
commoded him so much that he could no longer
sit upon his mule. All the grandees of the army,
and of the long robe, immediately followed his ex-
ample; and now they have grown so common,
that the streets seem paved with them.
CLXXIV. THE RELIGIOUS USURER.
M. F— had made a large fortune by lending
money at exorbitant interest. He was occasionally
haunted, however, by religious scruples, and at the
approach of Easter, was accustomed to pay a visit
to all those who had borrowed money of him, to
know whether they gave him the interest he ex-
acted, freely and voluntarily. This visit he used
M. Valois was born in 1607.
VALESIANA.
107
to pay annually to all who dealt with him, during
the holy week; and as they became quite accus-
tomed to the call, they used to bawl out to him
from a distance, "We give it to you, sir—we give
it to you." Having thus appeased his conscience,
he performed his religious ceremonies with great
complacency and comfort.
CLXXV. M. DE LAUNOI.
M. de Launoi, a celebrated Doctor of Theology,
had erased from his calendar St Catherine, the
Virgin Martyr; he maintained that her life was a
mere fable, and when other people celebrated the
feast of this saint, he used to sing an annual re-
quiem.
[108]
MISCELLANEOUS ANA.
CLXXVI. ARABIA.
Perroniana.*-In that part of Tartary which is
a dependency of Persia, there is a flourishing uni-
versity, in which literature is taught by the Arabs.
Giovanni Battista Remondi, who was the first per-
son by whom Arabian books were printed in Eu-
rope, and who had studied in that university, as-
serted that it contained a vast variety of Arabian
books, translated from Greek authors, which we no
longer possess. It is to the Arabians we are in-
debted for the preservation of one of the books of
Archimedes, and of several authors who have writ-
ten on Mathematics,-Apollonius, Pergæus, and
lastly, Aristotle, Hippocrates, and Galen.
CLXXVII. BIBLES.
There are two Bibles, one the Bible of the re-
turn, arranged by Esdras,—and that of the disper-
sion, which the Jews, scattered over the face of
the earth, carried with them. The Books of the
Maccabees could not be contained in the first, be-
cause the Maccabees did not appear till afterwards;
but they are found in the other, which has been
translated into Greek, and was used by the Apos-
* Cardinal de Perron, born in 1556, died at Paris in 1618.
The Perroniana is by no means an interesting collection.
MISCELLANEOUS ANA.
109
tles. Among the Latins, St Jerome was the first
who rejected the Maccabees, in his Prologue Ga-
leatus. But this opinion he afterwards retracted,
in his Commentary upon Isaiah, and admitted them
to be canonical.
CLXXVIII. HOW TO TURN THE BRAIN.
Nothing is so likely to turn the brain as intense
application directed to one of six things: the quad-
rature of the circle; the multiplication of the cube;
the perpetual motion; the philosopher's stone; ju-
dicial astrology; and magic. In youth, we may
exercise our imagination upon them, in order to
convince ourselves of their impossibility; but it
argues a want of judgment to occupy ourselves
with such inquiries at a more advanced age.
"Ne-
vertheless," says Fontenelle, "the search has its
advantages, for we find many things on the way
that we never looked for."
CLXXIX. ESDRAS.
It is Esdras who writes the passage at the close
of the Books of Moses, which speaks of his death,
and which, of course, could not be written by him.
Esdras was the person, who, on the return of the
tribes from the Babylonish captivity, collected the
scriptures together, correcting them, according to
the testimony of some ancient authors, in eighteen
places where they had been altered. Many of the
Books of the Old Testament are lost, and, some
say, more have perished than are now in existence.
CLXXX. PETRARCH.
The verses of Petrarch, which are commonly
supposed to be levelled against Rome, are directed
only against Avignon. They were written under
the irritation felt by all the Italians on seeing the
Popcdom transferred to that city; and he calls the
K
110
TABLE-TALK.
change the transmigration of Babylon, because the
removal lasted as long as that transmigration, and
because Avignon is situated upon the waters like
Babylon.*
CLXXXI. JULIUS SCALIGER.
Scaligeriana.+-Julius Scaliger used to say,
that he was ignorant of three things: of the cause
of the interval which takes place between the par-
oxysms of fever; how an idea, once forgotten, may
be recalled to the memory; and the cause of the
flux and reflux of the sea. Alas! of how many
things was he ignorant of which he says nothing.
CLXXXII. CUJAS.
Cujas is the pearl of jurisconsults; he wrote
only for himself and for the learned; he has finish-
ed what Alciatus began, explaining jurisprudence
by itself. When he lectured in public, he did so
with his hat on his head. He studied in an odd
position, with his belly on the ground, lying on the
carpet with his books about him. When Joseph
Scaliger left his native place, he was very kindly
received at Valentia by Cujas, who re-inspired him
with the taste for study.
CLXXXIII. CASTALIO.
Sebastian Castalio, who was originally from
Savoy, when at Lyons, in his youth, was called
Castalio by mistake, his real name being Castillon.
He was well pleased, however, at the change, be-
*This theory of the Cardinal's, we fear, is irreconci-
lable with the expressions of Petrarch. For instance, in
Sonnet 107 of Part I., "Gia Roma or Babylonia falsa e
rea," is plainly applicable to Rome, and not to Avignon.
The Scaligeriana professes to be a report of the con-
versations of Joseph Scaliger and his friends, but is altoge.
ther unworthy of that great man, from its numerous inac-
curacies.
MISCELLANEOUS ANA.
111
cause he thus seemed to derive its origin from
Castalio, the fountain of the Muses.
CLXXXIV. TALMUD.
The Talmud has been composed by certain
Jewish Doctors of the kingdom of Pontus, who
had been summoned for that purpose by their own
nation, in order that they might have something
to oppose to the Christians. These Doctors were
descendants of the ten tribes of Israel, who were
carried into captivity from Samaria by King Psal-
manazar, the father of Sennacherib, in the time of
Hosea. The Talmud was valued at 100 livres
during the time of Joseph Scaliger. This book is
a mixture of Syriac, Hebrew, and the Vulgar He-
brew, which was the language of the school of the
Rabbis, and which differs as much from the other
as the Latin of Bartolus from that of Cicero.
CLXXXV. THE MASsora.
Those who have made use of the Massora
among the Hebrews, or the Massorites, are the
same who are called Critics among the Greeks, viz.
those who have arranged the rules of Hebrew
grammar, and invented and introduced the points
and accents, which are, as it were, the soul of the
language. It is this new orthography in Hebrew
which is called Massora.
CLXXXVI. SOCIETY OF PORT ROYAL.
Matanasiana.*. The society of Port Royal des
Champs was so called from a valley near Char-
treuse, about six leagues from Paris. In 1637, the
celebrated advocate, Le Maitre, abandoned the
bar, and resigned his office of Councillor of State,
which his extraordinary merit had procured him at
*The work, under an assumed title, of Albert Henri d
Sallengre, a laborious writer; born at the Hague in 1694
and died in 1723.
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TABLE-TALK.
the age of twenty-eight. His brother, De Seri-
court, who had followed the profession of arms,
quitted it at the same time. Both resolved hence-
forth to dedicate themselves to God, and retired to
a small mansion near Port Royal de Paris. Their
brothers De Sacy, De St Elmi, and De Valmont,
joined them. After the arrest of the Abbe de St
Cyran, which took place in 1638, Francis de
Sondy, Archbishop of Paris, intimated to them by
order of the court, that they must leave their
house. They did so the next day, and went to re-
side at Port Royal des Champs, where they had
not remained more than two months, when they
were again dislodged by order of the court. Thir-
teen months afterwards, however, they were al-
lowed to return. Several persons of distinguished
merit joined these hermits, and from these, the So-
ciety, which afterwards received the title of Port
Royal, was formed. Among its members were
the celebrated Arnauld, M. de Suylin, M. de
Sacy, Arnaud d'Andilly, De Luzanzy, De Pom-
ponne, De Beaurepaire, Stes Marthe, Nicole, and
Lancelot, who afterwards turned Benedictine.
The Society had no rules, no vows, no consti-
tution, no cells, nor anything of the kind. They
employed themselves assiduously in prayer and
study, and in the instruction of youth in the
sciences and the practice of virtue. Racine was
educated there, and requested to be buried in the
cemetery of Port Royal, at the feet of his old mas-
ter M. Hamon.
CLXXXVII. SIXTUS V.
Thuana.*-Pope Sixtus V. was so poor when
• The Thuana are the detached observations of the cele-
brated historian De Thou; born 1558, died 1617. They
contain little, however, that is generally interesting.
MISCELLANEOUS ANA.
113
he came to Rome, that he was obliged to ask alms.
Having at last saved a small pittance, he delibera-
ted with himself for a long time whether he should
lay it out in the purchase of something to allay his
hunger, or of a pair of shoes, of which he was in
extreme want; and his countenance expressed the
deep interest he felt in this consultation. A mer-
chant, seeing his embarrassment, asked him the
cause, which he ingenuously confessed to him; and
did so in a manner so agreeable, that the merchant,
perceiving him to be a man of talent, took him
home with him to dinner, and thus settled the
question. When Sixtus became Pope, he did not
forget his old friend the merchant, but repaid as a
prince the service he had received as a beggar.
CLXXXVIII. SIXTUS V. AND THE DEVIL.
The Spaniards, who disliked Sixtus V., circu-
lated a report that he had sold himself to the De-
vil, on condition of his enjoying the Popedom for
six years. Afterwards, said they, it happened that
a young man, aged nineteen, committed a murder
in Rome, and his judges represented to the Pope,
that, though guilty, his exccution could not take
place, the law requiring twenty years of age before
a capital punishment could be inflicted. The Pope,
vexed at this disappointment of the ends of jus-
tice, answered, without thinking, “O, if that is all,
I will lend him one of mine." At the end of five
years, Sixtus fell sick; the Devil appeared, and
told him he came to carry him off. Sixtus told
him his time was not come, as only five years
out of the six allowed him had elapsed; but the
Devil reminded him of his promise on the execu-
tion of the young man, and immediately put an
end to his life.
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114
TABLE-TALK.
CLXXXIX.
TRISTAN L'HERMITE.
Tristan l'Hermite was Grand Provost of the
King during the reign of Louis XI. He was very
celebrated during his life, and left behind him ex-
tensive properties, among others the principality of
Mortain, in Gascony. If Philippe de Comines does
not mention this, may it not be because he had
caused him to be shut up in one of those iron
cages which constituted the ordinary prison of
Louis XI. ?
CXC. MARQUIS PISANI.
The Marquis de Pisani, ambassador from France
to the Court of Rome, having displeased Sixtus
V., was ordered by him to quit his States in eight
days. Twenty-four hours," said the Marquis,
"will be quite enough.”+
CXCI. HOW TO LENGTHEN A ROAD.
An old Master of Requests, named Fumée, who
was in great favour with Henry III., was sent in-
to Gascony to reform the administration of justice
there. Having arrived one evening at Port St
Marie, he inquired if he was near Agen; and be-
ing told that it was only two leagues off, he re-
solved to sleep there. He was warned that the
road for these two leagues was very bad, but this
did not alter his resolution. He set out, and found
it in fact so bad, that he did not reach Agen till
midnight, which he did, exhausted with fatigue,
and full of vexation at this adventure. The next
day he made the official people be assembled, and
having ordered his commission to be read, he de-
* Well known, we presume, to our readers, by the deli-
neation in Quentin Durward.
+ Alluding to the smallness of the Ecclesiastical territo-
ries. This story has been frequently imitated.
MISCELLANEOUS ANA.
115
creed, before proceeding farther, that the distance
from Port St Marie to Agen should in future be
rated at six leagues, and insisted that the decree
should forthwith be registered.
CXCII. PHYSICIANS.
Ancilloniana.-It has always been observed
that physicians from time immemorial have had
very little religion. It was remarked, as a singu-
lar fact, that during the massacre of St Bartholo-
mew, although all the Calvinists who were attach-
ed to their religion, and known to be so, were
marked out as victims, there was not a physician
on the list, and, in point of fact, not a physician
perished in that dreadful butchery.
CXCIII. QUEEN ELIZABETH.
St Evremondiana.-Queen Elizabeth loved the
Earl of Essex so tenderly, that in a tender mo-
ment she gave him a ring, telling him, that if he
ever should be guilty of undertaking anything
against the state worthy of death, he had only to
send to her that ring, in order to ensure his pardon.
The Earl of Essex some time afterwards fell in love
with another lady, and finally revolted, and was
condemned to death. In this last extremity he
intrusted the ring to this lady to be conveyed to
Elizabeth. As the lady knew the secret connect-
ed with the ring, she preferred keeping it, and al-
lowing her lover to be beheaded, to running the
risk of seeing him unfaithful.
CXCIV. WRITERS AGAINST CHRISTIANITY.
Naudæana.*-When Christianity began to
spread, and to efface the Pagan religion, the learn-
ed men of the latter persuasion wrote against it.
* Gabriel Naude, born 1600, died 1653.
116
TABLE-TALK.
Almost all these works have now been shipwreck-
ed in the gulf of time. Some fragments, how-
ever, have been collected by an Italian, and pub-
lished in a book entitled, Dominici Mellinii, Gui-
donis Filii, in veteres quosdam Scriptores Malevo-
los Christiani Nominis Obtrectatores.
CXCV. APOLLONIUS TYANEUS.
According to Erasmus, Vives, P. Petan, and
other learned men, the Life of Apollonius Tya-
næus, written by Philostratus, is a mere romance,
composed with the view of opposing something to
the miracles and life of Jesus Christ. It is admit-
ted that Apollonius lived, but the prodigies attri-
buted to him are very properly rejected. He may
have been a wonderful personage, without working
any of these pretended miracles. Some moderns,
such as Grotius in Evang. p. 1052, Dumoulin in
Vate, p. 198, and Samuel Mauseus de Antichristo,
maintain that these prodigies might have been ef-
fected by enchantment; but this is proving what is
uncertain by proofs which are still more so.
CXCVI. GREGORY VII.
We find, in Machiavel and Cardan, that Pope
Gregory VII. caused most of the valuable works
of the ancients to be burned. It was this Pope
who burned the works of the learned Varro, to
prevent St Augustin from being accused of pla-
giarism, the saint having stolen from him the greater
part of his Treatise De Civitate Dei.
CXCVII. ALFONSO, KING OF CASTILE.
Sorberiana.*-Alfonso, King of Castile, was
* Samuel Sorbiere, the translator of Sir T. More's Uto-
pia, and the political works of Hobbes; born 1615, died
1670.
MISCELLANEOUS ANA.
117
presented with a list of those servants who were
useless to him, and whom he ought to dismiss,
and with another containing the names of those
whom he ought to retain. The King, however, re-
solved to retain both, saying, "I have need of
these, and the rest have need of me."
CXCVIII. CHARMS.
I saw two enchanted papers, which had been
given to the Rhinegrave in Germany, one of which
was to be swallowed whenever he had occasion to
face the fire of musketry. They were of white
paper, of the size of a wafer, with characters diffi-
cult to be traced. Crosses were figured in the
centre, surrounded by a triple circle of characters
which I could not read.
CXCIX. THE DUTCH.
The Dutch may be compared to their own turf,
which kindles and burns slowly, but which, when
once kindled, retains its fire to the last.
CC. MENAGE.
The Queen of Sweden (Christina) said of him,
after he published his work on the Origin of the
French Language, "Menage is undoubtedly a very
learned and excellent person, but he is very unac-
commodating; he never will allow a word to pass
without its passport; he must always know whence
it comes, and where it is going."
CCI. WHAT SHOULD BE DONE AT ONCE.
Shutting one's self up in a convent, marrying,
and throwing one's self over a precipice, are three
things which must be done without thinking too
much about them.
118
TABLE-TALK.
CCII.
CHAPELAIN.
Carpenteriana.*-Chapelain, the author of the
Pucelle, was called by the academicians, the
Knight of the Order of the Spider, because he
wore a coat so patched and pieced, that the stitches
exhibited no bad resemblance of the fibres produ-
ced by that insect. Being one day present at a
large party given by the great Condé, a spider of
uncommon size fell from the ceiling upon the floor.
The company thought it could not have come from
the roof, and all the ladies at once agreed that it
must have proceeded from Chapelain's wig; the
wig so celebrated by the well-known parody. He
was so avaricious, that though he had an income
of 13,000 livres, and more than 240,000 in ready
money, he used to wipe his hands on a handful of
rushes, in order to save towels. His avarice was
the cause of his death; he preferred crossing the
street, while inundated with water, to paying a
liard for the use of a plank which was laid across.
He caught a cold and oppression of breathing, of
which he died.
CCIII. CALVIN.
Calvin, while minister at Geneva, had a salary
of 300 livres only. He was subject to eight dif-
ferent disorders, which afflicted him unceasingly,
and rendered his temper almost insupportable; and
induced the Germans to say, that they would ra-
ther go to hell with Beza than to heaven with Cal-
vin. Every day he taught theology, preached, and
held various conferences; but notwithstanding his
diseases and his numerous avocations, he has left
*Francoise Charpentier, member of the French Acadomy,
born 1620, died 1702.
MISCELLANEOUS ANA.
119
us nine volumes of his works in folio. Among
these, some are very good, such as his work on the
Trinity, against Servetus, and that on the twelve
lesser Prophets. He was well acquainted with
Latin, and was one of the best French writers of
his time. He died at Geneva in 1594, aged 55.
CCIV. ROME.
Some one telling the famous Jerome Bignon,
that Rome was the seat of faith; "That is true,
said he; "but then faith is like some people, who
are never to be found at home."
CCV. APPREHENSION.
M. de Turenne said of a coward, that, of the
three operations of the mind, the only one he pos-
sessed was apprehension.
CCVI. FINANCIERS.
A person, who had some small interest in the
farming of the taxes, was one day pronouncing an
eulogium upon the financiers, maintaining that they
alone were the support of the State. "Yes," re-
plied his antagonist, "as the rope supports the cri-
minal-by hanging him."
CCVII. PAPER AND PRINTING.
Longueruana. *The use of paper is recent,
being of no older date than the time of Philippe de
Valois. Before that time, parchment was employ-
ed. The Chinese possessed the art of printing long
before it was known to us. But their printing is
performed by means of entire plates; and when
• Louis Dufour de Longuerue, born in 1652; died in
1733, Abbot of Sept Fontaines and Iard.
+ As in stereotype.
120
TABLE-TALK.
a Chinese wishes to have a book printed, he car-
ries his manuscript to the printer, and has it done
of any size he pleases. The great merit of print-
ing, however, consists in the types being move-
able-an invention which we owe to the city of
Constance.
CCVIII. DISEASES.
Every country has diseases peculiar to its own
climate. That of Palestine is the leprosy. As
hogs are subject to it, and consequently likely to
keep up the contagion, it was probably on that
ground that Moses forbade the use of them to the
Israelites. The French, in their frequent voyages
to the East during the crusades, contracted the le-
prosy, communicated the disease, and rendered it
extremely common in these countries. When these
expeditions ceased, the disease ceased also, in con-
sequence of the remedies applied, and the care
which was taken to sequestrate the infected per-
sons from communication with others.
CCIX. THE CRUSADERS.
Our historians of the crusades speak only of
Godfrey de Bouillon; only a few more learned
than the rest seem to know that the Count de St
Gilles had any share in them; while in the Sara-
cen histories, a great deal is said of the Count de
St Gilles, and very little of his rival.
CCX. VOLCANOES.
There is reason to think that Mount Vesuvius,
near Naples, and Mount Etna, in Sicily, are only
different portions of the same chain of mountains,
which passes under the sea and the Isle of Lipari;
for when one of these mountains is in a state of
eruption, the other is also observed to be so, and
MISCELLANEOUS ANA.
121
the volcano in the island of Lipari to be more
agitated than usual.*
CCXI. COLOURS.
The ancients did not possess the secret of oil
painting, which was invented by John of Bruges,
but their colouring is beautiful and durable. Ours
fades considerably in the course of a century. This
is said to be the fault of the Dutch, who adulterate
the chemical compositions required; or perhaps of
the Indians, who are as great cheats as themselves.
It is said that M. Colbert did everything in his
power, but without effect, to procure better mate-
rials. The evil, it seems, is general; for the co-
lours in Italy are as bad as our own.
CCXII. YOUNG CARDINALS.
The two youngest Cardinals on record, are Odet
de Chatillon, who afterwards became a Calvinist,
and the Cardinal Infant. The first was only eleven
years old, the second some months younger.
CCXIII. COINS.
It is singular, that, notwithstanding the general
circulation of such coins, particularly the latter, no
medal of Herod the Great, nor a Daric of Darius,
has yet been found. We should be much in-
debted to chance, which discovered 200 coins of
Seleucus at Vandoeuvre, if she would disclose to us
as many coins of Herod or Darius.
CCXIV. LOUIS XIV.
Fureteriana. A valet de chambre of Louis
XIV., who was holding a candle in his hand as the
• We suspect the facts on which this theory is founded
are more than doubtful.
+ Antoine Furetiere, born 1628, died 1688. Author of
the Universal Dictionary of the French Language.
I
122
TABLE-TALK,
King was retiring to bed, imprudently allowed a
drop of boiling wax to fall upon his Majesty's foot.
The King merely observed mildly, "I think you
might as well have dropped it on the ground as on
my foot."
CCXV. LOUIS AND THE PORTER.
A porter of the Park at Versailles, who had been
told that the King was to pass by the gate which
he kept, happened to be out of the way when his
Majesty came up. All the courtiers hurried to
seek him, and he soon made his appearance, run-
ning as fast as possible; when every one began to
scold him severely for keeping the King waiting.
"Gentlemen," said the King, "why should you
scold the poor man? I am sure he is sorry enough
already at having made me wait.”
CCXVI. GREAT EATERS.
Theodoret relates, that a woman of Syria was
in the habit of eating thirty fowls a-day without
being satisfied. A person named Phagon, in pre-
sence of the Emperor Aurelian, is said to have de-
voured a boar, a sheep, and a pig. The Emperor
Claudius Albinus cat, one morning at breakfast,
five hundred figs, a hundred peaches, toxinelons,
a hundred becaficos, forty oysters, a largo
quantity of raisins. The Emperor Maximian be-
came so fat in consequence of excessive eating,
that his wife's bracelets only served him for rings.
CCXVII. THE KING OF SIAM'S PAVILION.
The King of Siam has, in one of his country
seats, a pavilion of a very extraordinary kind. The
tables, chairs, and cabinets, with which it is fur-
nished, are of crystal; the walls, roof, and sides,
are formed of glass, an inch thick, and a fathom in
breadth, and so finely united with mastic, as trans-
MISCELLANEOUS ANA.
123
parent as glass itself, that not a drop of water can
penetrate the building. There is but one door,
which closes so exactly, that it is as impervious to
water as the rest of the building. A Chinese en-
gineer constructed the pavilion in this manner, as
a certain remedy against the insupportable heat of
that country. It is twenty-eight feet in length by
sixteen in breadth; and is placed in the midst of
a large basin, paved and covered with marble of
different colours. The basin can be filled with
water in a quarter of an hour, and emptied as ra-
pidly. When those who are to occupy the pavi-
lion have entered, the gate is shut, the seams stop-
ped with mastic to prevent the entry of water;
and the sluices being opened, the large surround-
ing basin is immediately filled to the top, so that
the whole pavilion is placed under water, with the
exception of the top of the dome, which allows the
passage of air for the respiration of those within.
Nothing, it is said, can be more delightful than the
agreeable coolness enjoyed in this delicious pavi-
lion; while all around is scorched and burnt up
by the intolerable heat of the sun.
CCXVIII. BAPTISM AND MARRIAGE.
Ducatiana.*
On the 18th October 1609, the
daughter of the Count de Crequi, aged nine, was
married to the Marquis de Rohan, the son of the
Duke de Sully. The minister, Dumoulin, seeing
the bride approach, said, "Do you present this
child to be baptized ?”
CCXIX. A LEGAL AIM.
An advocate of the King, in pleading, used to
• Jaco Duchat, born at Metz 1658, died at Berlin
1739.
124
TABLE-TALK.
put his arms in such a position that he seemed to
be levelling a musket at the court. The Presi-
dent, a man of humour, tired of this eternal ges-
ture, said to him one day, " Raise your piece a
little, sir; you will hurt somebody."
CCXX. FRANCIS I.
Francis I. was one day playing at tennis, when
a Monk, who was playing on his side, by a suc-
cessful stroke, insured the victory to the King's
party. "Well done," said the King; "a brave
stroke for a Monk !" "Sire," replied the Monk,
your Majesty can make it the blow of an Abbé
when you please." Some days afterwards the
Abbacy of Bourmayen became vacant, and the
King presented the situation to him.
..
CCXXI. BENOISE AND HENRY III.
Segræsiana.*-Benoise, secretary of the ca-
binet under Henry III., having one day left his
portfolio in the cabinet of the King, the King
opened it, and found a piece of paper, on which
Benoise, in order to try his pen, had written,
"Treasurer of my privy purse.' The King took
up the pen, and added, "Pay to the Sieur Be-
noise, secretary of my cabinet, the sum of 1000
crowns;" and then signed it. Benoise, on his re-
turn, to his great surprise, found the order, and
made his acknowledgments to the King so grace-
fully, that the King, thinking the sum too little,
asked him for the order, and added a cipher to
the 1000, making the gift 10,000 crowns.
CCXXII. CONDÉ.
In the council of war which was held before the
*Jean Renauld de Segrais, the author of Zayde, and
the Princess of Cleves. Died in 1701.
MISCELLANEOUS ANA.
125
:
battle of Rocroi, the Prince of Condé having sta-
ted all the advantages of fighting in the event of
victory, the Marechal de Gassion replied, “But
if we lose, what is to become of us?"
"I never
'think of that," said the Prince; "I shall be dead
first.'
SERIOUS AND COMIC ANA.*
CCXXIII. BOSSUET.
M. Bossuet, Bishop of Meaux, at eight years of
age, preached with grace; he delivered a sermon
at that age at the Hotel de Rambouillet. It was
nearly midnight when he closed, and Voiture, who
was present, remarked as he rose to go, "I have
never heard a sermon so early-or so late.”
CCXXIV. A BORROWED COUNTENANCE.
A Gascon officer, demanding his salary from the
minister of war, maintained that he was in danger
of dying of hunger. The minister, who saw that
his visage was full and ruddy, told him his face.
gave the lie to his statement. "Ah! sir," said
*
L'Art de Desopiler la Rate. A general Collection of
Ana, Serious and Comic, in 2 vols.
L 2
126
TABLE-TALK.
the Gascon," don't trust to that; this face is not
mine. It belongs to my landlord, who has given
me credit for a long time past."
CCXXV. M. DE BRISSAC.
M. de Brissac, to whom Henry III. refused the
vacant Admiralty, saying that he was worth nothing
either on land or at sea, was as much vexed at the
reason of the refusal as at the refusal itself. Ha-
ving afterwards signalized himself in Paris on the
day of the Barricades, he observed, "The King
says I am worth nothing at sea or on land; at least
he
may admit that I am of some use upon a stone
pavement."
CCXXVI. RICHARD I.
::
I
Foulques de Neully, a celebrated preacher of his
day, addressing himself in a prophetic style to
Richard I. King of England, told him he had three
daughters to marry, and that, if he did not dispose
of them soon, God would punish him severely.
"You are a false prophet," said the King;
have no daughter." Pardon me, sir,” replied
the Priest," your Majesty has three, Ambition,
Avarice, and Luxury; get rid of them as fast as
possible, else assuredly some great misfortune will
be the consequence." "If it must be so then,"
said the King, with a sneer, "I give my Ambition
to the Templars, my Avarice to the Monks, and
my Luxury to the Prelates."
CCXXVII. FINANCIER.
A rich financier had a pair of dapple horses for
his carriage, very finely matched. One of them
dying, the financier sent his coachman to all the
stables in Paris to purchase another of the same
kind at any price. "Well," said his master to
him when he returned, "have you succeeded?"
SERIOUS AND COMIC ANA.
127
"Yes," said the coachman, " I have found your
match.'
"
CCXXVIII. THE MARECHAL D'ETREES.
The Marechal d'Etrees, aged 103, heard of the
death of the Duke de Tresme at the age of 93.
"I am very sorry for it," said the Marechal, "but
not surprised; he was a poor worn-out creature ;
I always said that man would never live long."
CCXXIX. POPE INNOCENT XI.
Pope Innocent XI. was the son of a banker.
He was elected on St Matthew's day, and in the
evening a pasquinade appeared on the statue :—
They found a man sitting at the receipt of cus-
tom."
<<
CCXXX. THE BROTHERS.
At the siege of Bommel in 1599, two Spaniards,
brothers, who, having been separated in early life,
had never seen each other since that time, sudden-
ly met on the field of battle. Having recognised
each other, they ran and fell on each other's necks,
and while in this close embrace, their heads were
at once carried off by a cannon-shot, the bodies
falling to the ground together.
CCXXXI. THE ARGUMENTUM AD HOMINEM.
An advocate was pleading a case against a
Bourgeoise, and as he indulged in a multitude of
digressions, the lady lost patience and interrupted
him. My lords," said she, "here is the case in
a single word: I engaged to pay to the opposite
party a certain sum, for a piece of Flanders tapes-
try, with figures as handsome as my Lord the Pre-
sident. He attempts to palm off upon me a
wretched daub, with figures as ugly as those of
the advocate on the other side. Am I not released
from my bargain?" This comparison, which flat-
128
TABLE-TALK.
tered the vanity of the President, completely dis-
concerted the advocate, who had no reply to make,
and the Bourgeoise gained her cause.
CCXXXII. MATRIMONIAL CONSOLATION.
A younger brother had espoused an old and ill-
tempered wife, but extremely rich. He used to
"Whenever I find my temper giving way, I
retire to my closet, and console myself by reading
her marriage settlement."
say,
CCXXXIII. QUANTITY AND QUALITY.
A marquis said to a financier, “I would have
you to know that I am a man of quality." " And
I,” replied the financier, " am a man of quantity."
CCXXXIV. A CONDITIONAL GUARANTEE.
A Norman, who had stolen a horse at Rouen,
went to sell him at Falaise. The purchaser having
agreed about the price, suspected that the animal
might have been stolen, and said to the seller,
"Will you warrant him everywhere ?" "Every-
where," said the Norman, "except Rouen; but I
would advise you to steer clear of that town.”
CCXXXV. LOSS OF TIME.
A female devotee, who confessed the great at-
tachment she had to play, was reminded by her
confessor of the great loss of time which it occa-
sioned. "Ah, true," said she, "there is a deal of
time lost in shuffling the cards."
CCXXXVI. CANDOUR.
The first President of the Parliament of Paris,
asked M. Montauban, one day as he rose to speak,
whether he would be long. "Very," replied the
advocate coolly. "At least," replied the magi-
strate, “you are candid.”
CCXXXVII. BREVITY.
Henry IV. liked a brief reply. He once met
SERIOUS AND COMIC ANA.
129
an ecclesiastic, to whom he said, "Whence do you
come? Where are you going? What do you
want ?" The ecclesiastic replied instantly, " From
Bourges to Paris-a benefice." "You shall have
it," replied the monarch.
CCXXXVIII.
BAUTRU.
Bautru, who had been soundly beaten, had his
picture painted with a staff in his hand. Some
one asked if it was meant for a truncheon. “Don't
you see,” said the Duke D'Epernon, "that he is
represented as a martyr, holding the instrument of
his punishment in his hand ?"
CCXXXIX. SANTEUIL.
Santeuil was crossing the court of the College of
Cardinal le Morne, when he met a scholar who
was walking up and down, composing his theme,
which he held in his hand. Santeuil, guessing what
he was employed about, pulled the paper out of
his hand with a tremendous expression of counte-
nance, translated it instantly into elegant Latin,
and returned it to him, saying, " If your Regent
asks you who composed this theme, tell him it
was the Devil.” He then hurried off, making his
cloak fly about him, and raising a cloud of dust all
about. The terrified student retreated instantly
into college, and repeated to the Regent the his-
tory of the apparition of the Devil. The Jesuit,
who saw that the theme was composed in the most
elegant Latin, and that the student told the story
with perfect sincerity and good faith, was puzzled
what to think of the matter. Soon after, Santeuil
was present at a public discussion which took
place in the hall of the Jesuits. The scholar re-
cognised his old acquaintance, and immediately
called out in an agony of fear, "The Devil! the
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TABLE-TALK.
Devil!" Santeuil, perceiving that he was detect→
ed, related the story, to the infinite amusement of
the audience, who found this explanation much
more interesting than the former subject of discus-
sion.
CCXL. THE CONJURER.
A commissary in the army, a man of slender
talents, transmitted a complaint to M. de Louvois,
that a certain officer, whom he named, was a con-
jurer. The minister wrote back, "I have com-
municated your information to the King. He di-
rects me to say, that if the captain be a conjurer,
he is very certain that you are none."
CCXLI. BANAULT.
Emeric Gobier de Banault, while ambassador in
Spain, was present at the performance of a piece
representing the battle of Pavia, and, seeing a Spa-
nish actor beat down the person who played Fran-
cis I., set his foot upon his neck, and compel him
to ask quarter in the most ignominious terms, was
so transported with rage, that he leaped upon the
stage, and in the presence of the whole audience,
ran his sword through his body.
CCXLII. THE DYING SOLDIER.
A grenadier of the regiment of Champagne
was retreating from the ranks mortally wounded.
"Where is that grenadier going?" cried the offi-
cer as he passed. "To die," said the soldier, turn-
ing round, and expiring as he spoke.
CCXLIII. PAVING THE CHURCH.
A Curé had a dispute with his parishioners, to
know at whose expense the church was to be
paved. Seeing that the judge was about to decide
against him, he thought of quoting in his own fa-
vour the passage of Jeremiah Paveant illi et
SERIOUS AND COMIC ANA.
131
7
"
ego non paveam." The judge, confounded by the
strength of this authority, ordered the parishioners
to pave the church.
CCXLIV. THE WOODEN LEG.
An officer had a wooden leg so exceedingly
well made, that it could scarcely be distinguished
from a real one. A cannon bullet carried it off. A
soldier who saw him fall called out, "Quick, run
for the surgeon." "No," replied the officer coolly,
"it is the joiner I want.”
CCXLV. THE SUN.
Some astronomers, who had been making ob-
servations, thought they perceived several spots in
the sun.
Voitiere happened shortly afterwards to
be in a company, where he was asked if there were
any news.
"None," said he; "but that I hear
very bad reports of the sun."
CCXLVI. THE TWO PRIESTS.
A plague took place at Tunis in 1650, which
gave rise to a singular incident. A missionary
priest, named Levachir, had with him another
priest of the same mission, named Guerin. The
first was attacked by the plague, was supposed
dead, and was about to be interred. Guerin in
consequence wrote to M. Vincent, superior of the
mission in France, that it had pleased God to re-
move M. Levachir, and that they were just ma-
king preparations for his funeral. The letter was
immediately consigned to the care of the captain
of a vessel about to sail for France. As they were
on the point of placing M. Levachir on the bier,
he made some movement, which showed that
he was not quite dead. He was accordingly
taken out of his shroud and placed on his bed. In
the meantime, poor Father Guerin was attacked
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by the plague in his turn, so violently, that he died
and was buried in the course of a few days after.
M. Levachir, who was now recovered, not know-
ing anything of Guerin's previous communication,
prepared to communicate to Vincent the intelli-
gence of his death. The letter was written and
delivered to the same captain who had taken
charge of the first, and who had been detained
waiting for a favourable wind. The voyage was
prosperous, and the Superior-general received at
the sametime both letters, which differed but very
little in date. We may guess what was his sur-
prise at receiving letters from two men, each com-
municating the account of the other's death in the
same way, and under the same circumstances. It
was impossible to mistake their hand-writing, or
the seal of the mission. In short, he knew not
what to make of the adventure, till the mystery
was cleared up some months afterwards.
133
GASCONIANA.
CCXLVII.
THE PREACHER.
A Gascon preacher stopped short in the pulpit;
it was in vain that he scratched his head; nothing
would come out. "My friends," said he, as he
walked quietly down the pulpit stairs, " my
friends, I pity you, for you have lost a fine dis-
course."
CCXLVIII. THE CHOICE OF WEAPONS.
A gentleman of Bourdeaux had grossly insult-
ed a cavalry officer. The officer resolved to have
satisfaction, and allowed him to choose his own
mode of fighting. "So you are weary of serving
the king," said the gentleman-" very well, you
shall have satisfaction. I will settle the matter;
and as for the manner, you may have your choice
of the weapon, from a pin to a cannon.'
CCXLIX. A PREMATURE INTERMENT.
Some one attempted to draw his sword one day
upon a Gascon who insulted him. The Gascon
called a shoe-black. "There," said he, "there is
sixpence for you, run to the nearest church, tell
them to ring the bell for the dead, and come and
take up the body." "But," said the shoe-black,
"the gentleman is alive and merry ?" "Yes,"
replied the Gascon, "but don't you see he is go-
ing to fight with me ?"
M
134
TABLE-TALK.
CCL.
THE LAME GASCON.
A Gascon, who had one leg shorter than the
other, limped so much, that at every step he took
he appeared to be making a bow. He was walk-
ing along the alley of a garden, where a great
many people of his acquaintance were seated upon
the benches on both sides. "You despise us on
this side, I see," said a gentleman who was ac-
quainted with him ; you make all your bows to
the other side." "Oh!" replied the Gascon,
"wait till I return, and you will have your re-
venge."
CCLI. THE LOUVRE.
A young Gascon arrived at Paris for the first
time. It was in summer, and he went to see the
Tuilleries immediately on his arrival. When he
saw the gallery of the Louvre-"Upon my ho-
nour," said he, "I like it vastly. Methinks I see
the back of my father's stables."
CCLII. A GASCON BED.
A Gascon officer, hearing some one celebrating
the exploits of a prince, who, in two assaults upon
a town, had killed six men with his own hand:
"Bab!" said he, "I would have you to know, that
the very mattresses I sleep upon are stuffed with
nothing else but the whiskers of those whom I
have sent to slumber in the other world."
CCLIII. THE SWORD.
A Gascon being at the play, was seated in the
pit, and as he kept constantly fidgetting about, his
sword got entangled in the legs of those who sat
beside him. "Sir," said an officer, fiercely, who
found it constantly in his way, "Your sword an-
noys me."
"Very likely, sir," said the Gascon,
coolly; "I believe it has annoyed a good many."
GASCONIANA.
135
CCLIV. A CONDITIONAL SETTLEMEnt.
A Gascon being very ill, his landlord begged
him to settle the account he owed before his de-
parture. The Gascon, who saw that everything
was charged exorbitantly high, wrote at the bot-
tom of the account, "If I die, let it pass,—if I
live, for revisal."
CCLV. RAPID TRAVELLING.
"I came so quick," said an ecclesiastic of Gas-
cony, who had hastened to some work of charity,
"I came so quick, that my guardian angel could
scarcely follow me."
CCLVI. A TERRIBLE GASCONADE.
The Prince of Condé one day, jokingly, asked a
witty Gascon to favour him with some Gasconade
or other. "No, sir," said the Gascon, " I would
not make one at present for a thousand crowns.”
The prince laughed at this specimen, but asked
him for another. "Monseigneur," replied the
Gascon," do not ask me again, else I will make
one that will make you tremble."
CCLVII. GASCONADES.
A Gascon said, "I have such a martial air, that
when I look into the glass I am afraid of myself."
Another used to say, "The sword of a Gascon
is the key to the other world."
CCLVIII. THE GASCON TURNED ARCHITECT.
A Gascon, who was at a loss for a dinner, see-
ing Frère Romain, the celebrated architect, super-
intending the operations of the Bridge of the
Tuilleries, determined to dine at his expense. He
kept looking attentively at the work, as if he had
been a connoisseur-muttered between his teeth-
measured what had been erected-walked with
great gravity across-and seemed to be engaged
136
TABLE-TALK.
in an elaborate criticism of the whole. Frère Ro-
main, a little uneasy, went up to him, and asked
him what he thought of it. "Brother," said the
Gascon, “I have some important information to
give you about this bridge; but I am hungry,—I
must dine first." The Frère immediately invited him
to dine with him. The Gascon did not require
much pressing, and acquitted himself at table to
admiration. After dinner was over, Romain led
him back to the bridge. The Gascon walked up
and down for a few minutes, and then turning to
his host, observed, "My friend, you have done
wisely in building your bridge across the river, for
if you had tried to build it the long way, the
devil's in it if you would have succeeded.' He
then made his bow and took leave of the con-
founded architect.
""
CCLIX. LOUIS XIV. AND THE GASCON.
At a review which took place before Louis XIV.,
the horse of a Gascon reared up so rapidly, that
his rider's hat fell off. One of his comrades pre-
sented it to him on the point of his sword. “God
bless me !" said the Gascon, "I had rather you had
pierced my body than my hat." The King, who
heard this reply, asked the meaning of it. "Sire,"
replied the Gascon, “I have credit with my sur-
geon, but none with my hatter."
CCLX. THE GASCON SKATER.
A Gascon went to skate; some person of his
acquaintance pushed him rudely on the ice and
overturned him. The Gascon, in a rage, pulled off
his skates, went up to the person who had thrown
him down, and raising his arm, said, "It is very
lucky for you, sir, that I don't dislike falling."
GASCONIANA.
137
COLXI. AN INVISIBLE ANTAGONIST.
A Gascon officer, who was present at a skir-
mish, fired a pistol at one of the enemy; and af-
terwards boasted that he had killed him, "That
can't be," said another, " for not a man was left on
the field." "Poh!” said the Gascon, "don't you
see-I must have blown him to atoms."
CCLXII. HOW TO PACK A TRUNK.
A Parisian, accompanied by his servant, who
was a Gascon, went to spend some days in the
country with a friend. On the morning of his re-
turn, as he was on the point of departing, he ask-
ed his servant if he had packed his portmanteau.
The servant replied that he had. "But," said the
master," have you put in everything that belongs
to us ?" "Oh yes, sir," said the servant, "at
least."
CCLXIII. THE HEART AND THE FACE.
"" My heart," said a Gascon, "is a clock, of
which my countenance is the index.”
CCLXIV. THE CANNON.
A Gascon, a wit by profession, was at an enter-
tainment. At first they gave him excellent wine,
but after the third or fourth glass, mere vinegar.
"These good people, I suppose," said he, "take
me for a cannon, which they wash with vinegar,
after every two or three rounds."
CCLXV. DAGUERRE.
The Prince of Condé, when only Duke d'En-
ghien, already enjoyed the high reputation which
he afterwards sustained. The celebrated Daguerre,
a Gascon officer, of the most daring bravery, was
anxious to see this prince. Some friends introdu-
ced him while the Prince was at table, and while
the question was under discussion, whether great
M 2
138
TABLE-TALK.
men in general lived long. Just as all present had
come to the conclusion that the life of a great man
was generally of short duration, Daguerre, who
was no longer a young man, taking fire at this re-
mark, and fixing his eye on the Prince, exclaimed,
“Well, if I am not dead already, is it my fault ?”
At these words the Prince, who had never seen
him before, exclaimed in his turn, "I wager it is
Daguerre who speaks thus ;" and rising from table,
he ran to embrace him.
a duel.
CCLXVI. HOW TO FIGHT WELL.
Some one proposed to a Gascon who had been
successful at play, that he should act as second in
"Yesterday," said he,, “I gained a hun-
dred louis, and I should fight very ill; but go and
seek the person from whom I won them-he will
fight like a demon, for he has not a sous left."
CCLXVII. THE GASCON AND HIS HORSE.
A Gascon, on an old broken-down horse, cross-
ing the Pont Neuf, met a gentleman upon a beau-
tiful steed. "I will lay ten louis," said he to the
gentleman," that I make my horse do what yours
won't do." "Well," said the gentleman, looking
contemptuously on the Gascon's horse, "I take
your wager.' The Gascon immediately lifted up
his horse, and tumbled him over into the Seine.
The gentleman, confounded at this catastrophe,
paid the wager.
""
CCLXVIII. PROOF OF NOBILITY.
A Gascon, in proof of his nobility, asserted that
in his father's castle, they used no other firewood
but the batons of the different Mareschals of France
of his family.
[ 139 ]
COMEDIANA.*
CCLXIX. THE REHEARSAL INTERRUPTED.
In 1747, a comic opera called the Rehearsal In-
terrupted, was performed at Brussels, in which a
scene was introduced, representing a pretended
quarrel between an actor and the prompter. The
dispute between them in this case was carried a
little too far. The general officer who commanded
in the absence of Mareschal de Saxe, having no idea
of the nature of the piece, jumped out of his box,
called the guard, and sent the two champions, who
enjoyed his mistake, to prison, thus exhibiting a
scene more amusing than that which was represent-
ed on the stage.
CCLXX. THE MISANTHROPE.
It is well known that the Misanthrope of Mo-
liere, was at first ill received by the public, and was
only tolerated on the stage by the popularity of
the Médecin Malgré Lui. At the first representa-
tion of this masterpiece of the comic drama, after
the reading of Oronte's sonnet, the pit applauded:
In the course of the scene, Alceste shows that the
sonnet was in the worst possible taste. The public,
confounded and ashamed of their mistake, took a
dislike from that moment to the piece.
* Par Cousin d'Avellete. Paris, 1801
+
140
TABLE-TALK.
CCLXXI. LEGRAND.
Legrand, who was both an actor and an au-
thor, but a man of a short and disagreeable figure,
after playing some tragic part, in which he had
been ill received, came forward to address the
house, and concluded his speech thus:-" And in
short, gentlemen and ladies, you must see, that it
is easier for you to accustom yourselves to my
figure than for me to change it."
CCLXXII. BARON.
The celebrated Baron, in the part of Agamem-
non, pronouncing the opening verse in a very low
voice,* the pit began to call out, Louder, louder!—
The actor, with great coolness, replied, "If I spoke
it louder I should speak it worse," and continued
his part.
CCLXXIII. DANCOURT.
When Dancourt gave a new comedy to the pub-
lic, if it did not succeed, he was accustomed to
console himself by going to sup with some of his
friends, at Cheret's. One morning after the re-
hearsal of his Agioteurs, which was to be played
in the evening for the first time, he thought of ask-
ing one of his daughters, who was only ten years
old, what she thought of the piece. "Ah, father!"
said the girl," You may go and sup this evening
with Cheret."
CCLXXIV. THE GARland.
The little opera of the Garland, by Marmontel,
is ingenious, but was indifferently received by the
public. In 1751, when it was played, this poet
had occasion to call a hackney coach. It was the
night of the opera" Coachman," said he, afraid
*Oui, c'est Agamemnon, c'est ton roi qui t'éveille.
COMEDIANA.
141
of being detained; "avoid the Palais Royal.".
"Oh I don't be afraid," said the coachman," there
is no great crowd there-they are playing the
Garland to-night."
CCLXXV. TALON.
When the Spectacle of the Ambigu Comique
was removed to the Variétés, the comic opera of
the Matinée du Comédien happened to be played;
and in one scene, in which two interlocutors ap-
peared upon the stage, there was, unfortunately,
only one chair to be found. Talon had the pre-
sence of mind to say to the other, as he presented
to him the chair, "You will excuse us, we have
just removed."
CLXXVI.
PROMPTING THE PROMPTER.
One of the principal actors at the Comédie
Française stopped short in a tragedy at this pas-
sage" "I was in Rome- "It was in vain that
he began the passage several times, he never could
get farther than Rome. At last, seeing there was
no help for it, and that the prompter, as embarrass-
ed as himself, was unable to find the place, or to
give him any assistance, he turned his eyes coolly
upon him, and said with an air of dignity—" Well,
sir, what was I doing in Rome ?"
CCLXXVII. VOLTAIRE AND MONTESQUIEU.
Voltaire having given a representation of his
Orphan of China, at the Delices near Geneva, be-
fore it appeared in Paris, the President Montes-
quieu, who was present, fell fast asleep. Voltaire
threw his hat at his head, saying, “He thinks he
is in court.”. "No, no," said Montesquieu, awa-
king, "in church."
CLXXVIII. HISSING.
Formerly there was no hissing in the theatre.
142
TABLE-TALK.
The benevolent audience were contented to yawn
and fall asleep. The invention of hissing is no
older than 1680, and took place at the first repre-
sentation of Aspar, a tragedy of Fontenelle.
So
we are told by the poet Roi, in his Brevet de la
Calotte, where he says, in speaking of Fontenelle,
"Auteur d'Aspar, œuvre immortelle,
Par le Sifflet, qui sortit d'elle.”
CCLXXIX. BRIOCHÉ.
The comic opera of Brioché, a parody on the
Pygmalion of the Italian Theatre, was played in
1753, and failed. Some one asked the author how
he had ventured it upon
the stage. "Why," said
he," it is so long since I was tired of Paris and
its inhabitants, that I was determined to collect
them all, and be revenged on them at once."
CCLXXX. VESTRIS.
Vestris the father, the celebrated opera dancer,
used to say, with the most perfect sincerity, " I
know only three men in Europe at the present day,
who are unique in their way-the King of Prus-
sia, Voltaire, and myself."
CCLXXXI. VOLANGE.
Volange, it is well known, excelled in the part
of Jeannot. The eccentric M. de Brancas had
invited him to a large supper party. As soon as
his arrival was announced, M. de Brancas advan-
ced to meet him, and introduced him to his guests.
"Gentlemen," said he, " I have the honour of
presenting to you M. Jeannot."— "M. le Marquis,"
said the actor, haughtily, "I was Jeannot at the
Boulevards, but here I am M. Volange."-" Very
well," said the Marquis; "but as we only invited
M. Jeannot, we shall take the liberty of turning
out M. Volange."
COMEDIANA.
143
CCLXXXII. THE TAILORS.
At the first representation of the Tom Jones of
Poinsinet, two persons were observed in the pit,
one of whom was overheard saying to the other,
from time to time, "Shall I cut-Shall I cut?" This
suspicious phrase attracted attention, and the pair
were just on the point of being arrested as pick-
pockets. "What have we done?" said one of
them: "We are only tailors, and I have the ho-
nour of making clothes for M. Poinsinet, the au-
thor of the new play. As I have to furnish him
with a dress to appear before the public, which
will be sure to demand his appearance at the second
representation, and as I know very little of the
merits of dramatic works, I have brought with me
my principal journeyman, a very clever man, for
he makes out all my accounts; and I was only
asking him from time to time, if he would advise
me to cut the cloth in question, which must be
paid for out of the profits of the play."
CCLXXXIII. SANCHO PANZA.
??
In Sancho Panza, a comedy in three acts, by
Dufreni, the Duke says, at the beginning of the
third act, "I begin to get tired of Sancho;'
"So
do I," said a wag in the pit, taking his hat and
walking out. This sealed the fate of the piece.
CCLXXXIV. MADAME DE LAMBERT.
The author of a tragedy came to read his ma-
nuscript to Madame de Lambert. The piece
began by a princess saying-
De l'Arabie enfin en ces lleux arrivée.
Madame de Lambert interrupted the author by
this impromptu-
Princesse, asseyez vous, vous êtes fatiguée.
144
TABLE-TALK.
This joke induced the author to alter the com-
mencement.
CCLXXXV. VOLTAIRE'S MARIANNE.
Voltaire's Marianne was at first only once act-
ed. It is said, that the public being divided as to
the merit of the work, the question was oddly
settled. The farce, which happened to be played
that evening, was entitled, "The Mourning:"
"For the deceased play, I suppose," said a critic
in the pit; and this decided the fate of the piece.
CCLXXXVI. DESESSARTS.
Desessarts, a very able actor, in the company of
the Hague, having one day been caught hunting,
within the preserves of the Stadtholder, escaped
from this scrape by a judicious application of his
dramatic powers.
never seen this actor except in the part of princes,
came up to him, and asked by what right he came
to hunt there. The actor, without appearing in
the least disconcerted, turned to the guard with a
tragic gesture, and exclaimed,
One of the guards, who had
"Du droit qu'un esprit vaste et ferme en ses desseins
A sur l'esprit grossier des vulgaires humains."*
The guard, confounded at the pomp and dignity of
this speech, drew back immediately, saying, “Ah!
that is another thing: I beg pardon, sir-I was
not aware of that.”
CCLXXXVII. VALUE OF A VOICE.
A leading actor at the opera having fallen sick,
the first night of the representation of a new play,
an inferior one was chosen to supply his place. He
sang, and was hissed; but, without being discon-
By the right which a vast and resolute mind has ovor
the grovelling minds of the vulgar.
COMEDIANA.
145
certed, he looked steadfastly at the pit and said,
"Gentlemen, I don't understand this: Do you
think that for 600 livres per annum, which I re-
ceive, I can afford to give you a 2000 crowns'
voice?" The public were so pleased with the sally,
that the actor was allowed to proceed with great
applause.
CCLXXXVIII. MONTFLEURE.
Montfleure, who appeared on the French stage
before Baron, died in 1667, of the violent efforts
he made in playing Orestes, in Racine's Andro-
mache. Guerin, in his Parnassus Reformed, makes
the actor say,
"If any one wishes to know what I
died of, I can tell him it was neither of a fever, nor
dropsy, nor gout, but of an Andromache."
Y
CCLXXXIX. BEAUBOURG.
The actor Beaubourg, who was extremely ugly,
playing the part of Mithridates, in Racine's play,
Madame Leconvreur, who played that of Monime,
said, "Ah, sire, you change countenance;" a wag
in the pit exclaimed, “Let him do so-don't stop
him."
CCXC. MADEMOISELLE RAUCOURT.
་
When Mademoiselle Raucourt made her first
appearance at the Théâtre Français, in 1772, Ma-
demoiselle Vestris stirred up a powerful cabal
against this actress, who was a performer of very
considerable talent. During the representation of
Cinna, a cat, which had somehow got into the thea-
tre, commenced mewing at a dreadful rate during
the performance of Mademoiselle Raucourt.—“ I
will wager anything," said one of the audience,
"that that cat belongs to Mademoiselle Vestris."
CCXCI. DUFRESNI.
Dufresni composed at first his comedy of the
N
146
TABLF-TALK.
Disguised Lover in three acts: the players made
him reduce it to one. Those which he wrote in
five acts, were uniformly cut down to three.
"What!" said he, one day, in a rage, "shall I
never succeed in having a five-act play performed?"
"Pardon me,” replied the Abbé Pellegrin, "the
true way is to write a play in eleven acts; the
players will cut off six, but you will still have
five left."
CCXCII. DUFRESNE.
Dufresne, a celebrated actor, playing in tragedy,
and speaking in too low a tone, one of the specta-
tors called out, “ Speak louder ;" the actor proud-
ly replied," Speak lower." The house, indignant
at this spirited reply, hissed the actor off the stage.
The police took up the matter, and obliged Du-
fresne to make an apology to the public. The ac-
tor reluctantly obeyed, and, coming forward, com-
menced his speech thus, "Gentlemen, I never was
so sensible of the degraded nature of my situation,
as I am from the appearance I am now compelled
to make." The public here interrupted him by ap-
plauses, and put an end to this act of humiliation.
CCXCIII. ANTIPATER AND THE BARMACIDES.
Never was a tragedy announced with more eclat
than the Antipater of Portelance, and never was
any more abundantly hissed. For twenty years
afterwards, whenever a piece failed, people would
say, "It was hissed like Antipater."
macides of La Harpe came in its place.
CCXCIV. CONSOLATION.
The Bar-
A bad actor, who had been accustomed to be
hissed in every town he played in, finding himself
one day even worse treated than usual, turned
quietly round as he made his exit, and said to the
COMEDIANA.
147
pit, "Gentlemen, you will tire by and by, as
others have." The coolness and naïveté of the re-
mark occasioned a laugh, and the actor in future
was favourably received.
CCXCV. AN EVERLASTING WARDROBE.
In a provincial town an actor, who probably felt
considerable difficulty in providing the necessary
funds for stage dresses, or even clean linen, was play-
ing the part of Arbate in Racine's Mithridates; when
Mithridates appears in the third scene of the se-
cond act, and says to his confidant,
"Enfin, après un an, je te revois, Arbate,"
a wag in the pit stood up on the seat, and conti-
nued the speech,
"Avec les mêmes bas et la même cravate,” †
which produced a roar of laughter in the house.
CCXCVI. THE GASCON AND THE SINGER.
During the performance of the opera of Aricia,
in 1697, an impudent fellow kept singing in the
pit, and so loudly that he annoyed all his neigh-
bours. One of them, a Gascon, less patient than
the rest, stood up and exclaimed, "Turn out the
fool-the wretched singer-the noisy blockhead;"
and so on. "Is it to me, sir," said the singer, turn-
ing to him, "that you speak ?" "Oh, not at all,"
said the Gascon, "it is to these rascally singers on
the stage, who won't let us hear you.'
* After a year's absence, I see you again, Arbate.
+ With the same stockings, and that everlasting cravat.
[ 148
148 1
VOLTAIRIANA.
CCXCVII.
THE ABBE DE VOISENON.
The Abbé de Voisenon was one day in com-
pany with Racine the younger, at the house of
Voltaire, who was reading to them his tragedy of
Alzire. Racine, thinking he recognised one of his
own verses, kept repeating between his teeth,
"That verse is mine." The Abbé, growing impa-
tient at this continued murmur, went up to Vol-
taire and said, "Give him his verse, and let him
go."
CCXCVIII.
VOLTAIRE AND THE ENGLISHMAN.
CC
An Englishman who stopped at Ferney, in hist
way to Italy, offered to Voltaire to bring him from
Rome whatever he desired. "Good," said the
philosopher, bring me the ears of the grand In-
quisitor." The Englishman, in the course of a fa-
miliar conversation with Clement XIV., related to
him this piece of pleasantry. "Tell Voltaire from
me," answered the Pope, laughing, " that our In-
quisitor is no longer possessed of ears."
CCXCIX. IRENE.
Voltaire, the last time he was in Paris in 1778,
wholly engrossed with bringing out his tragedy of
Irene, had settled the distribution of the parts, and
superintended all the other arrangements for the
performance. With the prompter's copy in his
VOLTAIRIANA.
149
hands, he made the actors repeat their parts before
him, and, dissatisfied with everything, he obliged
them to begin again several times; and, in order to
give every one the proper tone, he declaimed the
whole tragedy himself, from beginning to end. It
was on this occasion that, in a moment of convul-
sive rage, he broke out to Madame Vestris, who was
to play the principal part, that of Irene, "So! I
must have the trouble of making verses of six feet,
that you may mince three of them !"
CCC. VOLTAIRE'S GENIUS.
It was observed by Madame Neckar that Vol-
taire had extracted from his genius everything of
which it was susceptible; that in his case it was
like a sponge, which he had drained of its contents
to the last drop.
CCCI. THE CAPUCHINS.
A carriage having broken down in a bad stony
road, near the small town of Gondecourt, it became
necessary to have it repaired. There was a great
deal of work and few workmen, and the conse-
quence was, that the traveller must make up his
mind to a considerable delay, while there was no-
thing in the place to relieve the dulness of the in-
terruption. The Judge, the Curé, the Bailiff's
wife, the Fiscal's wife-all the good company, in a
word, were gone to the country. The traveller ob-
serves, in a sufficiently agreeable situation, a very
modest-looking house, surmounted by a very mo-
dest-looking clock; it was a small establishment
of Capuchins, so he walks up to it and knocks.
The door being opened, the inmates perceive a
very thin gentleman, appearing somewhat in dis-
tress, but otherwise well to look upon, and very
polite, who entreats their hospitality. The bre-
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150
TABLE-TALK.
thren have little to give, but what they have is at
the stranger's service. After a friendly and atten-
tive reception, and when the usual compliments
had passed on both sides with equal sincerity, the
conversation turns on a variety of subjects; in the
course of which our traveller listens steadily and
says little. Next follows a string of questions,
which he answers in a very sensible manner. The
bell rings.
"Will Monsieur say his Ave?” asked
the fathers; to which he answers, "Good sirs, that
is just what I was going to propose." Then comes
the dinner, of an indifferent quality no doubt, but
better than usual, since the fathers had been care-
ful to provide the best dishes to gratify the taste
of their new guest. During dinner they converse
about theology, and the stranger seems to know as
much on the subject almost as the fathers them-
selves, and he is entirely of their opinion. They
then speak of the different Capuchin houses in
France, Germany, and Italy. Here too the stran-
ger acquits himself to advantage, being more
deeply skilled in this interesting part of geogra
phy than could have been imagined; and he
praises the particular talent of the children of St
Francis, which uniformly leads them to the choice
of the best situations. The brethren quote sc-
veral instances of the humility of their good
Saint; the stranger expresses his admiration, and
gives on his part several others quite new to
his friends. By and by they become so fond of
their guest, as to applaud their penetration in
showing politeness to a man so truly deserving of
their attention in every respect; a man who, in
spite of his modesty, seems to have received an ex-
cellent education; who can converse on all subjects,
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151
and must have studied profoundly, since he has
understood one or two Latin quotations almost as
well as the guardian father himself; who appears
to take a deep interest in everything that concerns
the order, and may be qualified one day even to
talk with their leading men without offending their
patience. From one thing to another, it came to
their hinting a wish to engage him in their brother-
hood, and they at length placed before him in pro-
spect, the highest dignities, if he would but consent
to take the habit of the order. The stranger pro-
mises to think of it; he is sensible, as he ought, of
the sentiments they have expressed for him, and,
without a positive refusal of their offers, he mo-
destly declines so much honour. In the meantime
the carriage is announced to be ready; the whole
house regrets the departure of their guest; but the
best of company must part, and they take leave on
both sides with mutual assurances of esteem and
regard. Who was this gentleman who thus gain-
ed the hearts of the Capuchins? No other than
Voltaire,
CCCII. VANDUREN.
The bookseller Vanduren came one morning to
present an account for books sent to Voltaire thir-
teen years before. Vanduren could not see Vol-
taire at the time, but he left the account with hia
secretary. Voltaire having read it, found that the
demand was for copies of his own works; he
could not contain himself. The bookseller re-
turned after dinner. No sooner did Voltaire per-
ceive him, than, running up to him with the rapi-
dity of light, he struck him a blow, and retired.
"This was the only time," says M. Collini, « I
ever saw Voltaire strike any one. I found myself
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immediately opposite the insulted bookseller, but
what could I say? I attempted to console him
the best way I could, but so completely was I
taken by surprise, I could say nothing better than
that the blow was at least from the hand of a great
man."
CCCIII. SHAKSPEARE.
"Foreigners cannot enjoy our Shakspeare," said
Sherlock to Voltaire. "That is true," replied he;
"they are acquainted with his plays only through
translations, which retain slight faults, while the
great beauties are lost; a blind man cannot be per-
suaded of the beauty of the rose, when his fingers
are pricked by the thorns."
CCCIV. MEDICINE.
A young man intending to study medicine, com-
municated his design to Voltaire. "What is that
you propose doing ?" said he, laughing; "you are
going to put drugs, of which you know nothing,
into bodies, of which you know still less."
CCCV. HALLER.
''
Voltaire was one day speaking warmly in praise
of the famous physician Haller, in presence of a
flatterer who was living in his house. “ Ah, sir,” said
this person,
"if M. Haller would but speak of your
works as you speak of his !" Voltaire answered,
Possibly we are both mistaken.”
CCCVI. THE PASSIONS.
They talk of men subduing their passions; at-
tempt only to withdraw a man from taking snuff,
who has been accustomed to it.
CCCVII. M. PERRONET.
One of Voltaire's friends had altered several
verses in the tragedy of Irene. The next day M.
Perronet, who had built the magnificent bridge
VOLTAIRIANA.
153
of Neuilly, came to pay a visit to the old man of
Ferny. After the customary compliments, Vol-
taire said to him, looking to his friend who was
present, "Ah, M. Perronet, it is well for you
you don't know Monsieur
he would add
another arch to your bridge."
CCCVIII. THE EAGLE.
The greatest geniuses have always their weak-
nesses to connect them with the ordinary race of
mankind. Voltaire was not exempt from this tri-
bute which nature seems to exact from great men,
as an expiation for their superiority. The follow-
ing anecdote is in point:-" Voltaire took great
delight in a young eagle which he kept chained in
the court of his Chateau at Ferny. One day the
eagle fell to fighting with two cocks, and was sc-
verely wounded. Voltaire, disconsolate, sent an
express to Geneva, with directions to bring a man
who passed there as a pretty expert animal doctor.
In his impatience, he did nothing but move be-
tween the cage of the eagle and the window of
his apartment, from which he had a view of the
great road. At length his courier appeared, and,
along with him, the Esculapius so much wished
for; Voltaire raised a cry of joy; flew to meet
him, gave him a most distinguished reception, and
lavished on him prayers and promises to interest
him for his sick favourite. The man, astonished at
a reception to which he was little accustomed,
examined the wounds of the eagle. Voltaire, full
of anxiety, sought to read in his eyes his hopes and
fears. The doctor declared, with the air of a pro-
fessor, that he would not venture to pronounce on
the case until after the first dressing was removed;
but promised to repeat his visit on the morrow,
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TABLE-TALK.
and departed, handsomely paid. On the morrow
Voltaire was on thorns, and at last the decision
was, that the physician could not answer for the
life of the eagle; a new source of disquietude.
Voltaire's first question every morning to one of
his servants, named Madeline, whose business it
was to wake him, was, "How is my eagle?" "Very
poorly, sir,-very poorly." One day at length
Madeline answered, laughing : "Ah, sir, your
eagle is no longer sick." "It is cured then! What
happiness!" "No; it is dead!"
"Dead! my
eagle dead! and this you tell me laughing ?"
"Why, sir, it was so lean, it is all the better
dead." "How, lean!" exclaimed Voltaire in a
rage; an excellent reason, truly! I suppose you
must kill me also because I am lean. You bag-
gage to laugh at the death of my poor eagle, be-
cause it was lean! because you are in good con-
dition yourself, you think it is only people of your
stamp that should have a right to live? Out of my
sight! begone !" Madame Denis, hearing the
noise, ran to her uncle, and asked what had dis-
composed him. Voltaire told her the particulars,
continuing to repeat : "Lean lean! So then I
must be killed too-
At length he insisted
that Madeline should be dismissed. His niece
feigned compliance, and ordered the poor girl to
keep herself out of sight in the chateau. And it
was only after two months that Voltaire asked
about her. "She is very unfortunate," said Ma-
dame Denis," she has not succeeded in getting a
place at Geneva; which happens from its being
known that she was turned off from the chateau."
"It is all her own fault. Why laugh at the death
of my eagle because it was lean? However, she
1
VOLTAIRIANA.
155
must not be allowed to starve; let her come back,
but let her beware of presenting herself before me,
do you hear?" Madame Denis promised she should
not, and upon this Madeline came forth from her
concealment, but carefully kept out of the way of
her master. One day, however, Voltaire rising from
table, found her standing opposite to him; Made-
line coloured, and, with downcast eyes, wished to
stammer out some excuses: "Not a word more of
it," said he; "but mind you at least, that it is not
necessary to kill everything which happens to be
lean."
CCCIX. ASKING QUESTIONS.
When still a young man and eager for instruc-
tion, Voltaire was perpetually putting questions.
Despreaux on one occasion reproved him for this
propensity, with impatience and something of harsh-
ness. At a more advanced age, he held people
who are ever asking questions in such aversion,
that he has often been known to rise bluntly and
leave his place. He said to an inhabitant of Ge-
neva, who had furnished him with the idea and
model of the interrogating Bailiff in the "Droit du
Seigneur,”—“ Sir, I am very well pleased to see
you; but I inform you before-hand, that I know
nothing about what you are going to ask."
CCCX. THE ANTIQUITY OF THE WORLD.
Voltaire was at table one day when the com-
pany were conversing on the antiquity of the world.
His opinion being asked, he remarked that "the
world was like an old coquette who disguised her
age."
CCCXI. MARMONTEL.
Voltaire thought much more of the poetics of
Marmontel than of his poetry. "This author," he
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TABLE-TALK.
observed, " is like Moses, having conducted others
to the promised land, which he was not himself al-
lowed to enter."
CCCXII.
VOLTAIRE AT THE COURT OF STANIS-
LAUS I.
In the history of Stanislaus I. of Poland by the
Abbé Proyart, we have the following:--
Voltaire had been admitted to the Court of this
Prince, but the philosopher's temper was such as
to render him a disagreeable and even dangerous
guest. The difficulty was how to get him to quit
Luneville. The King began to treat him with
coldness, a sort of language which Voltaire affected
not to understand. He then consulted Alliot, his
intendant, who answered, "Sire, hoc genus dæ-
moniorum non ejicitur nisi oratione et jejunio.”
Voltaire, whose rations were upon this discon-
tinued, wrote to Alliot: "When Virgil was at the
court of Augustus, Alliot made it his business
that he should want for nothing." The new
Mæcenas proved insensible to the little flattery
of this modern Virgil, so that he was at length
obliged to leave the court of Augustus.
CCCXIII. PIRON AND VOLTAIRE.
Piron one morning going into the house of the
Marquis de Mimenre, found Voltaire buried to the
shoulders in a large chair, his legs spread, and his
heels resting one on each arm of the chair. He
received Piron with a slight inclination of the head,
in return for five or six profound bows. Piron took
a chair, and seated himself as near the fire as pos-
sible. A dry conversation soon dropped. The one
pulled out his watch; the other his snuff-box: the
one laid hold of the tongs, the other took snuff.
Voltaire sneezed; Piron blew his nose; the former
VOLTAIRIANA.
157
yawned profoundly; Piron was about to follow in
the same way, when Voltaire drew from his pocket
a crust of bread, and began to crunch it between
his teeth, with so extraordinary a noise, as to asto-
nish his companion. Piron, without loss of a mo-
ment, pulled out a flask of wine, and emptied it at
a draught. Voltaire lost his temper. " Sir," he said,
addressing Piron, "I can take raillery as well as
another, but your pleasantry, if it is such, is very
much mistimed." "No raillery," answered Piron;
"all the merest chance." Voltaire interrupted him,
saying, he had just escaped from an attack of ill-
ness, which had left him with a continual desire to
eat. "Eat, sir, by all means eat,” replied the au-
thor of Metromanie, " you do right; and I, sir,
have just escaped from Burgundy with a continual
desire to drink, and I do drink.
CCCXIV. VOLTAIRE AND HIS CUP.
Voltaire, when he was in Paris in 1778, lived in
the house of the Marquis de Villette. One day
the Marquis had invited a large party to dinner.
Coming to table, Voltaire did not find in its place
before him his own particular cup, which he had
marked with his cachet. "Where is my cup?"
he inquired, his eye sparkling, of a tall simple do-
mestic, whose special duty it was to wait upon him.
The poor fellow, quite at a loss, stammered out
some words." Enemy of your master!" exclaim-
ed the old man in a fury, "go, seek for my cup;
I must have my cup, or I shall not dine to-day.
The cup could not be found; and, leaving the table
in his passion, he walked off to his apartment and
shut himself up. The guests were confounded and
disappointed by the scene. At length it was agreed
that Mr Villevielle, to whom he was much attach-
"
0
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TABLE-TALK.
ed, should go to him and try to soothe him. He
knocked gently at the door. "Who is there ?" "It
is I, Villevielle." "Ah," opening the door, “it is
you, my dear Marquis. What is the purpose of
this visit ?" "I am here in name of all our friends,
who are grieved at your absence, to request you
will come down, and to express the regret of M.
de Villette, who has dismissed the simpleton who
was the cause of your anger." "They invite me
to come down?" "Yes, they implore you." "My
friend, I dare not." "And why so?"
“They
must laugh at me below.” "Can you admit such
a thought? have we not all our notions in such
matters ? has not every one his own glass, his own
knife, his own pen ?" "I see very well you are
anxious to excuse me.
Let us rather allow frank-
ly that every one has his weaknesses; I blush at
mine. Do you go down first, and I shall follow."
Voltaire re-appeared a few minutes after, and seat-
ed himself at table with the awkward timidity of a
child who has been detected in something foolish,
and fears to be scolded.
CCCXV. CONGREVE.
Congreve, the English dramatist, spoke of his
works as trifles, upon which he placed no great
account; which was below him. Voltaire, when
he was in England, paid him a visit. Congreve,
during the first conversation, made him understand
that he wished himself to be looked upon in no
other light than as a gentleman who led an easy
and simple life. To this announcement Voltaire
answered drily: "Had you been so unfortunate
as to be nothing more than a gentleman, I should
not have given myself the trouble to wait upon
you."
VOLTAIRIANA.
159
CCCXVI. VOLTAIRE.
Two friends, in passing through Geneva, went
to visit Voltaire, who, it was well known, did not
like contradiction. It was remarked by one of
them: "Well! in place of five hours, I could pass
five months with this astonishing man!" "It may
be so, my friend," said the other; "I would not
willingly pass five hours with him, for I like to be
in the right sometimes.”
CCCXVII. POLITICIANS.
Any official underling, said Voltaire, would be
able to overreach Corneille and Newton in business,
and yet your politicians imagine themselves men of
genius.
CCCXVIII. VOLTAIRE AND DR YOUNG.
Voltaire, jealous of all epic poets, run down, in
presence of Dr Young, Milton's talents; and, par-
ticularly, he condemned in Paradise Lost, Death,
Sin, and the Devil, personified in that poem. He
railed at this invention as extravagant, and made
it the principal object of his sarcasms. Young,
indignant at this tone of irreverence and levity,
addressed him in the following epigram:
"Thou art so witty, wicked, and so thin,
Thou art at once the Devil, Death, and Sin."
Voltaire, quite disconcerted by the Doctor's sally,
could not stammer out a word in reply, and ab-
ruptly left the room. Voltaire had a great regard
for the person and works of Metastasio. When
there was sent to him, some time before his death,
the prospectus of a new edition of the Abbé's works,
"I should wish," he said to the Editor, "that my
name could be put to the top of the subscription
in spite of the alphabet."
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TABLE-TALK.
CCCXIX. THOUGHTS OF VOLTAIRE.
A knowledge of Courts is acquired like surgery ;
by the wounds of others.
Scepticism destroys all things, and is destroyed
by itself, as Samson was crushed by the temple
which he overturned.
We judge of ministers as the pit judges of the
opera; without a knowledge of the music.
When the Esprit des Lois first appeared, Thirot
asked Voltaire what he thought of that famous
work. The poet was silent, but the question was
repeated. "Well, if you insist on knowing what
I think," said Voltaire, impatient at his friend's ob-
stinacy, "I think it is Grotius turned Harlequin."
Voltaire was a little changeable in his opinions, and
made no ceremony of contradicting himself.*
Fontenelle, as he was coming from the first re-
presentation of Edipus, said to Voltaire, after pay-
ing him great compliments on the occasion," I
could have wished you had put less pomp into
your verses; they would have been smoother, more
flowing, and more suitable to the tragedy.”
"Sir,"
said Voltaire, “ that I may correct that fault, I shall
on the instant read your pastorals."
66
CCCXX. VOLTAIRE AND LA MOTTE.
One day Voltaire, when a young man of about
twenty-four, read to La Motte, who had a prodi-
gious memory, a tragedy which he had written.
La Motte listened with the greatest possible at-
tention to the end. "Your tragedy is excellent,"
said he, "and I dare answer beforehand for its suc-
cess. Only one thing vexes me; you have allow-
+
He had before spoken highly of the work.
VOLTAIRIANA.
161
ed yourself to borrow, as I can prove to you, from
the second scene of the fourth act." Voltaire de-
fended himself as well as he could against the charge.
"I say nothing," answered La Motte, “which I
cannot support, and to prove it I shall recite this
same scene, which pleased me so much when I first
read it that I got it by heart, and not a word of it
has escaped me." Accordingly he repeated the
whole without hesitation, and with as much ani-
mation as if he had composed it himself. All pre-
sent at the reading of the piece, looked at each
other and did not know what to think. The author
was utterly confounded. After enjoying his em-
barrassment for a short time," Make yourself
easy, sir," said La Motte, "the scene is entirely
your own, as much your own as all the rest; but
it struck me as so beautiful and touching, that I
could not resist the pleasure of committing it to
memory."
CCCXXI. ADJECTIVES.
Voltaire amused himself sometimes with the
style of certain authors all bristling with epithets;
"If they could only understand," he said, "that
adjectives are the greatest enemies of substantives,
although they agree in gender, number, and case !"
CCCXXII. TURGOT.
Turgot came one day to visit Voltaire in the
house of the Marquis de Villette, when he was so
much tormented by the gout that he had not the
free use of his limbs. "Ah, M. Turgot," said Vol-
taire, addressing him, "how do you do?"
"I
can scarcely walk for pain." "Gentlemen," cried
Voltaire, with enthusiasm, "I never see M. Tur-
got but I think I see Nebuchadnezzar's image.'
"Yes," answered the Minister, "feet of clay."
0 2
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TABLE-TALK.
“And the head of gold, the head of gold," re-
plied Voltaire.
CCCXXIII. ALZIRE.
At the first appearance of the tragedy of Alzire,
some one maintained in company that the piece
was not by Voltaire. "I should wish that were the
case, from my heart," said a lady present. "Why?"
"Because," replied she, "we should at least have
one great poet more."
CCCXXIV. PELLEGRIN.
One of Voltaire's tragedies happened to meet
with indifferent success; the Abbé Pellegrin com-
plained that the poet had appropriated a good
many of his verses. "How is it," said he to Vol-
taire," that you, who are so rich in your own re-
sources, should lay your hands on the stores of
others ?" "What! I have robbed you ?" said the
author of the Henriado; " I do not wonder then at
the fate of my piece."
CCCXXV. THE BIBLE.
An inhabitant of Lyons, being at the Delices,
appeared astonished to find Voltaire with the Bible
in his hands, "I am here," said he, "like the
counsel in a great cause, examining the pleadings
of the opposite party."
TABLE-TALK.
PART II. ENGLISH.
[ 165 ]
TABLE-TALK.
SELDENIANA.
[John Selden, the learned author of this collection, was
born in 1584. After distinguishing himself at College, he
became a member of the Inner Temple; and though he
seldom appeared at the Bar, was soon in eminent practice as
a Chamber Counsel. Into the political events of his life, it
is impossible to enter; his literary labours were principally
of a legal and antiquarian nature. Of these, his Disserta-
tion on the Norman Conquest, his History of Tithes, and
his Mare Clausum, written in reply to the treatise of Gro-
tius, entitled Mare Liberum, are the most distinguished.
The Seldeniana are marked by much of the discursive scho-
larship, the boldness and occasional coarseness of expression
which characterised the man. He died in 1654.]
I. CHRISTMAS.
1. CHRISTMAS succeeds the Saturnalia; the same
time, the same number of holidays; then the mas-
ter waited upon the servant, like the lord of mis-
rule.
2. Our meats and our sports (much of them)
have relation to church-works. The coffin of our
Christmas pies, in shape long, is in imitation of
the cratch our choosing kings and queens, on
Twelfth-night, hath reference to the three kings:
so, likewise, our eating of fritters, whipping of
tops, roasting of herrings, Jack of Lents, &c; they
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TABLE-TALK,
were all in imitation of church-works, emblems of
martyrdom. Our tansies, at Easter, have reference
to the bitter herbs; though, at the same time, it
was always the fashion for a man to have a gam-
mon of bacon, to show himself to be no Jew.
II. CONSCIENCE.
1. He that hath a scrupulous conscience, is like
a horse that is not well weighed ; he starts at every
bird that flies out of the hedge.
2. A knowing man will do that which a tender-
conscience-man dares not do, by reason of his ig-
norance; the other knows there is no hurt: as a
child is afraid to go into the dark, when a man is
not, because he knows there is no danger.
3. If we once come to leave that outloose, as to
pretend conscience against law, who knows what
inconvenience may follow? for thus, suppose an
Anabaptist comes and takes my horse; I sue him:
he tells me he did according to his conscience; his
conscience tells him all things are common amongst
the saints; what is mine is his; therefore you do
ill to make such a law,—If any man takes another's
horse, he shall be hanged: What can I say to
this man? He does according to his conscience.
Why is he not as honest a man as he that pre-
tends a ceremony established by law is against
his conscience? Generally to pretend conscience
against law is dangerous; in some cases haply we
may.
4. Some men make it a case of conscience,
whether a man may have a pigeon-house, because
his pigeons eat other folks corn. But there is no
such thing as conscience in the business; the mat-
ter is, whether he be a man of such quality, that
the state allows him to have a dove-house; if so,
SELDENIANA.
167
there is an end of the business; his pigeons have
a right to eat where they please themselves.
III. CONTRACTS.
1. If our fathers have lost their liberty, why
may not we labour to regain it ? Ans. We must
look to the contract; if that be rightly made,
we must stand to it; if we once grant we may
recede from contracts upon any inconveniency
that may afterwards happen, we shall have no bar-
gain kept. If I sell you a horse, and do not like
my bargain, I will have my horse again.
2. Keep your contracts: so far a divine goes ;
but how to make our contracts is left to ourselves;
and as we agree upon the conveying of this house,
or that land, so it must be : if you offer me a hun-
dred pounds for my glove, I tell you what my
glove is, a plain glove-pretend no virtue in it-
the glove is my own. I profess not to sell gloves,
and we agree for a hundred pounds. I do not
know why I may not with a safe conscience take
it. The want of that common obvious distinction
of jus præceptivum and jus permissivum, does
much trouble men.
3. Lady Kent articled with Sir Edward Her-
bert, that he should come to her when she sent
for him, and stay with her as long as she would
have him; to which he set his hand: then he ar-
ticled with her, that he should go away when he
pleased, and stay away as long as he pleased; to
which she set her hand. This is the epitome of
all the contracts in the world, betwixt man and
man, betwixt prince and subject; they keep them
as long as they like them, and no longer,
IV.
DAMNATION.
To preach long, loud, and damnation, is the
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TABLE-TALK.
If a
way to be cried up: we love a man that damns
us, and we run after him again to save us.
man had a sore leg, and he should go to an honest
judicious chirurgeon, and he should only bid him
keep it warm, and anoint with such an oil, an oil
well known, that would do the cure; haply, he
would not much regard him, because he knows
the medicine before-hand an ordinary medicine:
but if he should go to a chirurgeon that should tell
him, "Your leg will gangrene within three days,
and it must be cut off, and you will die, unless
you do something that I could tell you;" what
listening there would be to this man ! « O, for the
Lord's sake, tell me what this is; I will give you
any content for your pains."
V. DEVILS.
A person of quality came to my chamber in the
Temple, and told me he had two devils in his
head, (I wondered what he meant,) and, just at
that time, one of them bid him kill me. With
that I began to be afraid, and thought he was mad.
He said he knew I could cure him, and therefore
entreated me to give him something, for he was
resolved he would go to nobody else. I perceiving
what an opinion he had of me, and that it was only
melancholy that troubled him, took him in hand,
warranted him, if he would follow my directions,
to cure him in a short time. I desired him to let
me be alone about an hour, and then to come
again-which he was very willing to. In the
meantime, I got a card, and wrapped it up hand-
some in a piece of taffata, and put strings to the
taffata; and, when he came, gave it to him, to
hang about his neck; withal charged him, that ho
should not disorder himself, neither with eating or
SELDENIANA.
169
drinking, but eat very little of supper, and say his
prayers duly when he went to bed; and I made
no question but he would be well in three or four
days. Within that time I went to dinner to his
house, and asked him how he did? He said he
was much better, but not perfectly well, for, in
truth, he had not dealt clearly with me; he had
four devils in his head, and he perceived two of
them were gone, with that which I had given him,
but the other two troubled him still.
"Well,"
said I, “ I am glad two of them are gone; I make
no doubt to get away the other two likewise." So
I gave him another thing to hang about his neck.
Three days after he came to me to my chamber,
and professed he was now as well as ever he was
in his life, and did extremely thank me for the
great care I had taken of him. I, fearing lest he
might relapse into the like distemper, told him
that there was none but myself, and one physician
more in the whole town, that could cure the devils
in the head, and that was Dr Harvey, (whom I
had prepared,) and wished him, if ever he found
himself ill in my absence, to go to him, for he
could cure his disease as well as myself. The
gentleman lived many years, and was never
troubled after.
VI. DUEL.
1. A duel may still be granted in some cases by
the law of England, and only there. That the
church allowed it anciently, appears by this :-in
their public liturgies, there were prayers appoint-
ed for the duellists to say; the judge used to bid
them go to such a church and pray, &c. But whe-
ther is this lawful? If you grant any war lawful,
I make no doubt but to convince it. War is law-
r
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TABLE-TALK.
ful, because God is the only judge between two,
that is supreme. Now, if a difference happen be-
tween two subjects, and it cannot be decided by
human testimony, why may not they put it to
God to judge between them by the permission of
the prince? Nay, what if we should bring it down,
for argument's sake, to the swordmen. One gives
me the lie; it is a great disgrace to take it; the
law has made no provision to give remedy for the
injury, (if you can suppose anything an injury
for which the law gives no remedy;) why am not
I, in this case, supreme, and may, therefore, right
myself?
2. A duke ought to fight with a gentleman.
The reason is this: the gentleman will say to the
duke, “It is true, you hold a higher place in the
state than I; there is a great distance between you
and me-but your dignity does not privilege you
to do me an injury: as soon as ever you do me
an injury, you make yourself my equal; and as
you are my equal, I challenge you :" and in sense
the duke is bound to answer him. This will give
you some light to understand the quarrel betwixt
a prince and his subjects: though there be a vast
distance between him and them, and they are to
obey him, according to their contract, yet he hath
no power to do them an injury; then they think
themselves as much bound to vindicate their right,
as they are to obey his lawful commands, nor is
there any other measure of justice left upon earth
but arms.
VII. EQUITY.
1. Equity in law is the same that the spirit is
in religion, what every one pleases to make it;
sometimes they go according to conscience, some-
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171
times according to law, sometimes according to
the rule of court.
2. Equity is a roguish thing; for law we have a
measure-know what to trust to; equity is ac-
cording to the conscience of him that is chancel-
lor, and as that is larger or narrower, so is equity.
It is all one as if they should make the standard
for the measure we call a foot, a chancellor's foot;
what an uncertain measure would this be! One
chancellor has a long foot, another a short foot, a
third an indifferent foot: it is the same thing in
the chancellor's conscience.
3. That saying, "Do as you would be done to,"
is often misunderstood; for it is not thus meant
that I, a private man, should do to you, a private
man, as I would have you do to me, but do as we
have agreed to do one to another by public agree-
ment. If the prisoner should ask the judge, whe-
ther he would be contented to be hanged, were he
in his case, he would answer-No. "Then," says
the prisoner, "do as you would be done to." Nei-
ther of them must do as private men, but the judge
must do by him as they have publicly agreed-
that is, both judge and prisoner have consented to
a law, that if either of them steal they shall be
hanged.
VIII. FREE WILL.
The Puritans, who will allow no free will at all,
but God does all, yet will allow the subject his li-
berty to do, or not to do, notwithstanding the king,
the god upon earth. The Arminians, who hold
we have free will, yet say, when we come to the
king, there must be all obedience, and no liberty
to be stood for.
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TABLE-TALK.
IX.
FRIENDS.
Old friends are best. King James used to call
for his old shoes; they were easiest for his feet.
X. HUMILITY.
Humility is a virtue all preach, none practise,
and yet every body is content to hear. The mas-
ter thinks it good doctrine for his servant, the laity
for the clergy, and the clergy for the laity.
XI. JEWS.
1. God at the first gave laws to all mankind,
but afterwards he gave peculiar laws to the Jews,
which they were only to observe just as we have
the common law for all England; and yet you have
some corporations, that, besides that, have peculiar
laws and privileges to themselves.
2. Talk what you will of the Jews, that they
are cursed, they thrive wherever they come; they
are able to oblige the prince of their country by
lending him money; none of them beg; they keep
together; and for their being hated, my life for
yours, Christians hate one another as much.
XII. INCENDIARIES.
Fancy to yourself a man sets the city on fire at
Cripplegate, and that fire continues by means of
others, till it comes to Whitefriars, and then he
that began it would fain quench it; does not he
deserve to be punished most that first set the city
on fire? So it was with the incendiaries of the
state. They that first set it on fire, (by mono-
polising, forest business, imprisoning parliament
men, tertio Caroli, &c.) are now become regene-
rate, and would fain quench the fire: certainly
they deserved most to be punished, for being the
first cause of our distraction.
SELDENIANA.
173
XIII. JUDGES.
1. We see the pageants in Cheapside, the lions,
and the elephants, but we do not see the men that
carry them; we see the judges look big, look like
lions, but we do not see who moves them.
2. Little things do great works, when great
things will not. If I should take a pin from the
ground, a little pair of tongs will do it, when a
great pair will not. Go to a judge to do a busi-
ness for you; by no means; he will not hear of it;
but go to some small servant about him, and he
will dispatch it according to your heart's desire.
3. There could be no mischief done in the com-
monwealth without a judge. Though there be
false dice brought in at the groom-porter's, and
cheating offered, yet, unless he allow the cheating,
and judge the dice to be good, there may be hopes
of fair play.
XIV. LANGUAGE.
1. To a living tongue new words may be add-
ed, but not to a dead tongue, as Latin, Greek,
Hebrew, &c.
2. Latimer is the corruption of Latiner; it sig-
nifies he that interprets Latin: and though he in-
terpreted French, Spanish, or Italian, he was called
the king's Latiner, that is, the king's interpreter.
3. If you look upon the language spoken in the
Saxon time, and the language spoken now, you
will find the difference to be just as if a man had
a cloak that he wore plain in Queen Elizabeth's
days, and since, here has put in a piece of red, and
there a piece of blue, and here a piece of green,
and there a piece of orange-tawny. We borrow
words from the French, Italian, Latin, as every
pedantic man pleases.
P 2
174
TABLE-TALK.
4. We have more words than notions; half-a-
dozen words for the same thing: sometimes we
put a new signification to an old word, as when we
call a piece a gun. The word gun was in use in
England for an engine to cast a thing from a man,
long before there was any gunpowder found out.
5. Words must be fitted to a man's mouth. It
was well said of the fellow that was to make a
speech for my lord mayor, he desired to take mea-
sure of his lordship's mouth.
XV. LAW.
1. A man may plead not guilty, and yet tell
no lie; for by the law no man is bound to accuse
himself: so that when I say, not guilty, the mean-
ing is, as if I should say by way of paraphrase, I
am not so guilty as to tell you; if you will bring
me to a trial, and have me punished for this you
lay to my charge, prove it against me.
2. Ignorance of the law excuses no man; not
that all men know the law, but because it is an
excuse every man will plead, and no man can tell
how to confute him.
3. The King of Spain was outlawed in West-
minster-hall, I being of counsel against him: a
merchant had recovered costs against him in a suit,
which because he could not get, we advised to have
him outlawed for not appearing, and so he was:
as soon as Gondimer heard that, he presently sent
the money, by reason, if his master had been out-
lawed, he could not have the benefit of the law;
which would have been very prejudicial, there
being then many suits depending betwixt the King
of Spain and our English merchants.
4. Every law is a contract between the king
and the people, and therefore to be kept. A hun-
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175
争
​dred men may owe me a hundred pounds, as well
as any one man, and shall they not pay me because
they are stronger than I? Object. O, but they lose
all if they keep that law. Answ. Let them look
to the making of their bargain. If I sell my lands,
and when I have done, one comes and tells me, I
have nothing else to keep me; I, and my wife, and
children, must starve, if I part with my land-must
I not, therefore, let them have my land that have
bought it and paid for it?
5. The Parliament may declare law, as well as
any other inferior court may, viz. the King's Bench.
In that or this particular case, the King's Bench will
declare unto you what the law is; but that binds
nobody whom the case concerns: so the highest
court, the Parliament, may do, but not declare law;
that is, make law that was never heard of before.
XVI. LEARNING.
1. No man is the wiser for his learning: it may
administer matter to work in, or objects to work
upon; but wit and wisdom are born with a man.
2. Most men's learning is nothing but history
duly taken up. If I quote Thomas Aquinas for
some tenet, and believe it, because the schoolmen
say so, that is but history. Few men make them-
selves masters of the things they write or speak.
3. The Jesuits, and the lawyers of France, and
the Low Countrymen, have engrossed all learn-
ing: the rest of the world make nothing but ho-
milies.
XVII. LIBELS.
Though some may make light of libels, yet you
may see by them how the wind sits: as take a
straw, and throw it up into the air, you shall
see by that which way the wind is, which you
176
TABLE-TALK.
shall not do by casting up a stone: more solid
things do not show the complexion of the times so
well as ballads and libels.
XVIII. MARRIAGE.
1. Of all actions of a man's life, his marriage does
least concern other people; yet of all actions of
our life, it is most meddled with by other people.
2. Marriage is nothing but a civil contract: it
is true, it is an ordinance of God: so is every
God commands me to keep it
other contract:
when I have made it.
3. Marriage is a desperate thing. The frogs in
Æsop were extreme wise; they had a great mind
to some water, but they would not leap into the
well, because they could not get out again.
4. We single out particulars, and apply God's
providence to them: thus when two are married
and have undone one another, they cry,
"It was
God's providence we should come together,"
when God's providence does equally concur to
everything.
XIX. MEASURE OF THINGS.
1. We measure the excellency of other men by
some excellency we conceive to be in ourselves.
Nash, a poet, poor enough, as poets used to be,
seeing an alderman with his gold chain, upon his
great horse, by way of scorn, said to one of his
companions, "Do you see yon fellow, how good-
ly, how big he looks? Why, that fellow cannot
make a blank verse."
2. Nay, we measure the goodness of God from
ourselves; we measure his goodness, his justice,
his wisdom, by something we call just, good, or
wise in ourselves; and in so doing, we judge pro-
portionably to the country fellow in the play, who
SELDENIANA.
177
said, if he were a king, he would live like a lord,
and have peas and bacon every day, and a whip
that cried slash.
XX. MORAL HONESTY.
They that cry down moral honesty, cry down
that which is a great part of religion-my duty to-
wards God, and my duty towards man. What
care I to see a man run after a sermon, if he cozen
and cheat as soon as he comes home? On the
other side, morality must not be without religion;
for if so, it may change, as I see convenience. Re-
ligion must govern it. He that has not religion to
govern his morality, is not a dram better than my
mastiff dog; so long as you stroke him and please
him, and do not pinch him, he will play with you
as finely as may be ; he is a very good moral mas-
tiff: but if you hurt him, he will fly in your face,
and tear out your throat.
XXI. NUMBER.
All those mysterious things they observe in
numbers come to nothing, upon this very ground;
because number in itself is nothing, has not to do
with nature, but is merely of human imposition, a
mere sound: for example, when I cry one o'clock,
two o'clock, three o'clock, that is but man's divi-
sion of time; the time itself goes on, and it had
been all one in nature if those hours had been call-
ed nine, ten, and eleven. So when they say the
seventh son is fortunate, it means nothing; for if
you count from the seventh backwards, then the
first is the seventh: why is he not likewise fortu-
nate?
XXII. OATHS.
There is no oath scarcely, but we swear to
things we are ignorant of. For example, the oath
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TABLE-TALK.
of supremacy; how many know how the king is
king? What are his rights and prerogative? So
how many know what are the privileges of the
parliament, and the liberty of the subject, when
they take the protestation? But the meaning is,
they will defend them when they know them: as
if I should swear I would take part with all that
wear red ribbons in their hats-it may be I do not
know which colour is red-but when I do know,
and see a red ribbon in a man's hat, then will I
take his part.
XXIII. PARSON.
1. Though we write parson differently, yet it is
but person; that is, the individual person set apart
for the service of such a church, and it is in Latin
persona, and personatus is a personage. Indeed,
with the canon lawyers, personatus is any dignity
or preferment in the church.
2. There never was a merry world since the
fairies left dancing, and the parson left conjuring ;
the opinion of the latter kept thieves in awe, and
did as much good in a country as a justice of
peace.
XXIV. POETRY.
1. It is a fine thing for children to learn to make
verse; but when they come to be men, they must
speak like other men, or else they will be laughed
at. It is ridiculous to speak, or write, or preach in
verse. As it is good to learn to dance; a man
may learn his leg, learn to go handsomely; but it
is ridiculous for him to dance when he should go.
2. It is ridiculous for a lord to print verses: it
is well enough to make them to please himself, but
to make them public is foolish. If a man, in a
private chamber, twirls his band-strings, or plays
#
SELDENIANA.
179
with a rush to please himself, it is well enough;
but if he should go into Fleet-street, and sit upon
a stall, and twirl a band-string, or play with a
rush, then all the boys in the street would laugh
at him.
3. Verse proves nothing but the quantity of syl-
lables; they are not meant for logic.
XXV. THE POPE.
1. He was a wise pope, that, when one that
used to be merry with him, before he was advan-
ced to the popedom, refrained afterwards to come
at him, presuming he was busy in governing the
Christian world: the pope sends for him-bids
him come again; "And," says he, "we will be
merry as we were before, for thou little thinkest
what a little foolery governs the whole world."
2. The pope in sending relics to princes, does
as wenches do by their wassels at New-year's-
tide; they present you with a cup, and you must
drink of a slabby stuff; but the meaning is, you
must give them moneys, ten times more than it is
worth.
XXVI. POWER. STATE.
1. There is no stretching of power: it is a good
rule-Eat within your stomach; act within your
commission.
2. They that govern most make least noise. You
see when they row in a barge, they that do drud-
gery work, slash, and puff, and sweat; but he that
governs, sits quietly at the stern, and scarcely is
seen to stir.
3. Syllables govern the world.
4. All power is of God, means no more than
fides est servanda. When St Paul said this, the
people had made Nero emperor. They agree,-he
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TABLE-TALK.
to command, they to obey; then God comes in,
and casts a hook upon them, keep your faith:
then comes in, all power is of God. Never king
dropped out of the clouds. God did not make a
new emperor, as the king makes a justice of peace.
XXVII. REVERENCE.
It is sometimes unreasonable to look after re-
spect and reverence, either from a man's own ser-
vant, or other inferiors. A great lord and a gen-
tleman talking together, there came a boy by,
leading a calf with both his hands: says the lord
to the gentleman, "You shall see me make the boy
let go his calf." With that he came towards him,
thinking the boy would have put off his hat; but
the boy took no notice of him. The lord seeing
that, "Sirrah," says he, "do you not know me,
that you use no reverence?" "Yes," says the boy,
"if your lordship will hold my calf, I will put off
my hat."
XXVIII. STATE.
In a troubled state save as much for your own
as you can. A dog had been at market to buy a
shoulder of mutton; coming home he met two dogs
by the way, that quarrelled with him; he laid
down his shoulder of mutton, and fell to fighting
with one of them; in the mean time the other dog
fell to eating his mutton. He seeing that, left the
dog he was fighting with, and fell upon him that
was eating; then the other dog fell to eat when
he perceived there was no remedy, but which of
them soever he fought withal, his mutton was in
danger, he thought he would have as much of it as
he could, and thereupon gave over fighting, and fell
to eating himself.
[ ISI ]
WALPOLE'S REMINISCENCES.
["His Reminiscences of the Reigns of George I. and George
II., make us better acquainted with the manners of these
princes and their courts than we should be after perusing a
hundred heavy historians; and futurity will long be in-
debted to the chance which threw into his vicinity, when
age rendered him communicative, the accomplished ladies to
whom these Anecdotes were communicated."]
Quarterly Review, Sept. 1818.
XXIX. GEORGE I.
As I was the youngest by eleven years of Sir
Robert Walpole's children by his first wife, and
was extremely weak and delicate, as you see mẹ
still, though with no constitutional complaint till I
had the gout after forty; and as my two sisters
were consumptive and died of consumptions; the
supposed necessary care of me (and I have over-
heard persons saying, "That child cannot possibly
live,") so engrossed the attention of my mother,
that compassion and tenderness soon became ex-
treme fondness; and as the infinite good-nature of
my father never thwarted any of his children, he
suffered me to be too much indulged, and permit-
ted her to gratify the first vehement inclination
that ever I expressed, and which, as I have never
182
TABLE-TALK.
since felt any enthusiasm for royal persons, I must
suppose that the female attendants in the family
must have put into my head, to long to see the
King. This childish caprice was so strong, that
my mother solicited the Duchess of Kendal to ob-
tain for me the honour of kissing his Majesty's
hand before he set out for Hanover. A favour so
unusual to be asked for a boy of ten years old,
was still too slight to be refused to the wife of the
first minister for her darling child; yet not being
proper to be made a precedent, it was settled to
be in private and at night.
Accordingly, the night but one before the King
began his last journey, my mother carried me at ten
at night to the apartment of the Countess of Wal-
singham, on the ground-floor towards the garden
at St James's, which opened into that of her aunt
the Duchess of Kendal; apartments occupied by
George II. after his Queen's death, and by his
successive mistresses, the Countesses of Suffolk
and Yarmouth.
Notice being given that the King was come
down to supper, Lady Walsingham took me alone
into the Duchess's anteroom, where we found alone
the King and her. I knelt down, and kissed his
hand. He said a few words to me, and my con-
ductress led me back to my mother.
The person of the King is as perfect in my me-
mory as if I saw him but yesterday. It was that
of an elderly man, rather pale, and exactly like his
pictures and coins; not tall, of an aspect rather
good than august, with a dark tie-wig, a plain.
coat, waistcoat, and breeches of snuff-coloured
cloth, with stockings of the same colour, and a blue
riband over all. So entirely was he my object
WALPOLE'S REMINISCENces.
183
that I do not believe I once looked at the Duchess;
but as I could not avoid seeing her on entering the
room, I remember that just beyond his Majesty
stood a very tall, lean, ill-favoured old lady; but I
did not retain the least idea of her features, nor
know what the colour of her dress was.
My childish loyalty, and the condescension in
gratifying it, were, I suppose, causes that contribu-
ted very soon afterwards to make me shed a flood of
tears for that Sovereign's death, when with the
other scholars at Eton college I walked in proces-
sion to the proclamation of the successor; and
which (though I think they partly fell because I
imagined it became the son of a prime-minister to
be more concerned than other boys,) were no doubt
imputed by many of the spectators who were po-
liticians, to my fears of my father's most probable
fall, but of which I had not the smallest concep-
tion; nor should have met with any more concern
than I did when it really arrived in the year 1742,
by which time I had lost all taste for courts, and
princes, and power, as was natural to one who
never felt an ambitious thought for himself.
It must not be inferred from her obtaining this
grace for me, that the Duchess of Kendal was a
friend to my father. On the contrary, at that mo-
ment she had been labouring to displace him, and
introduce Lord Bolingbroke into the administration;
on which I shall say more hereafter.
It was an instance of Sir Robert's singular for-
tune, or evidence of his talents, that he not only
preserved his power under two successive mo-
narchs, but in spite of the efforts of both their mis-
tresses to remove him. It was perhaps still more
remarkable, and an instance unparalleled, that Sir
184
TABLE-TALK.
Robert governed George the First in Latin, the
King not speaking English, and his minister no
German, nor even French. It was much talked
of, that Sir Robert, detecting one of the Hano-
verian ministers in some trick or falsehood before
the King's face, had the firmness to say to the
German, "Mentiris, impudentissime !" The good-
humoured monarch only laughed, as he often did
when Sir Robert complained to him of his Hano-
verians selling places, nor would be persuaded that
it was not the practice of the English court; and
which an incident must have planted in his mind
with no favourable impression of English disinter-
estedness. "This is a strange country!" said his
Majesty ; "the first morning after my arrival at
St James's, I looked out of the window, and saw
a park with walks, a canal, &c. which they told
me were mine. The next day Lord Chetwynd,
the ranger of my park, sent me a fine brace of carp
out of my canal; and I was told I must give five
guineas to Lord Chetwynd's servant for bringing
me my own carp out of my own canal in my own
park !"
George the First, while electoral prince, had
married his cousin the Princess Dorothea, only
child of the Duke of Zell; a match of conveni-
ence to reunite the dominions of the family.
Though she was very handsome, the prince, who
was extremely amorous, had several mistresses;
which provocation, and his absence in the army of
the confederates, probably disposed the princess
to indulge some degree of coquetry. At that mo-
ment arrived at Hanover the famous and beautiful
Count Konismark, the charms of whose person
WALPOLE'S REMINISCENCES.
185
ought not to have obliterated the memory of his
vile assassination of Mr Thynne. His vanity, the
beauty of the electoral princess, and the neglect
under which he found her, encouraged his pre-
sumption to make his addresses to her, not covert-
ly; and she, though believed not to have trans-
gressed her duty, did receive them too indiscreetly.
The old elector flamed at the insolence of so stig-
matized a pretender, and ordered him to quit his
dominions the next day. The princess, surround-
ed by women too closely connected with her hus-
band, and consequently enemies of the lady they
injured, was persuaded by them to suffer the count
to kiss her hand before his abrupt departure; and
he was actually introduced by them into her bed-
chamber the next morning before she rose. From
that moment he disappeared; nor was it known
what became of him, till on the death of George
I., on his son the new king's first journey to Ha-
nover, some alterations in the palace being order-
ed by him, the body of Konismark was discovered
under the floor of the electoral princess's dressing.
room-the count having probably been strangled
there the instant he left her, and his body secreted.
The discovery was hushed up; George II. intrust-
ed the secret to his wife Queen Caroline, who told
it to my father; but the King was too tender of
the honour of his mother to utter it to his mis-
tress; nor did Lady Suffolk ever hear of it, till I
informed her of it several years afterwards. The
disappearance of the count made his murder sus-
pected, and various reports of the discovery of his
body have of late years been spread, but not with
the authentic circumstances.
Q 2
186
TABLE-TALK.
I do not know whether it was about the same
period, that in a tender mood he promised the
Duchess of Kendal, that if she survived him, and
it were possible for the departed to return to this
world, he would make her a visit. The Duchess
on his death so much expected the accomplishment
of that engagement, that a large raven, or some
black fowl, flying into one of the windows of her
villa at Isleworth, she was persuaded it was the
soul of her departed monarch so accoutred, and
received and treated it with all the respect and
tenderness of duty, till the royal bird or she took
their last flight.
**
*
On the death of George the First, Queen Caro-
line found in his cabinet a proposal of the Earl of
Berkeley, then, I think, First Lord of the Admiral-
ty, to seize the Prince of Wales, and convey him
to America, whence he should never be heard of
more. This detestable project, copied probably
from the Earl of Falmouth's offer to Charles the
Second with regard to his queen, was in the hand-
writing of Charles Stanhope, elder brother of the
Earl of Harrington: and so deep was the impres-
sion deservedly made on the mind of George the
Second by that abominable paper, that all the fa-
vour of Lord Harrington, when secretary of state,
could never obtain the smallest boon to his bro-
ther, though but the subordinate transcriber.
George the First was too humane to listen to
such an atrocious deed. It was not very kind to
the conspirators to leave such an instrument be-
hind him ;--and if virtue and conscience will not
check bold bad men from paying court by detest-
WALPOLE'S REMINISCENces.
187
able offers, the King's carelessness or indifference
in such an instance ought to warn them of the lit-
tle gratitude that such machinations can inspire or
expect.
Among those who had preferred the service of
the King to that of the heir apparent, was the Duke
of Newcastle; who, having married his sister to
Lord Townshend, both his Royal Highness and
the Viscount had expected would have adhered to
that connexion—and neither forgave his desertion.
-I am aware of the desultory manner in which I
have told my story, having mentioned the recon-
ciliation of the King and Prince before I have given
any account of their public rupture. The chain of
my thoughts led me into the preceding details, and,
if I do not flatter myself, will have let you into the
motives of my dramatis personæ better than if I
had more exactly observed chronology; and as I
am not writing a regular tragedy, and profess but
to relate facts as I recollect them; or (if you will
allow me to imitate French writers of tragedy)
may I not plead that I have unfolded my piece as
they do, by introducing two courtiers to acquaint
one another, and by bricole the audience, with
what had passed in the penetralia before the tra-
gedy commences?
The exordium thus duly prepared, you must sup-
pose, ladies, that the second act opens with a royal
christening. The Princess of Wales had been de-
livered of a second son. The Prince had intended
his uncle the Duke of York, Bishop of Osnaburg,
should with his Majesty be godfathers. Nothing
could equal the indignation of his Royal Highness
when the King named the Duke of Newcastle for
second sponsor, and would hear of no other. The
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christening took place as usual in the Princess's
bed-chamber. Lady Suffolk, then in waiting as
woman of the bed-chamber, and of most accurate
memory, painted the scene to me exactly. On one
side of the bed stood the godfathers and godmother;
on the other the Prince, and the Princess's ladies.
No sooner had the bishop closed the ceremony,
than the Prince, crossing the feet of the bed in a
rage, stepped up to the Duke of Newcastle, and,
holding up his hand and fore-finger in a menacing
attitude, said, "You are a rascal, but I shall find
you;" meaning, in broken English, "I shall find
a time to be revenged."-" What was my astonish-
ment," continued Lady Suffolk, "when going to
the Princess's apartment the next morning, the yeo-
men in the guard-chamber pointed their halberds
at my breast, and told me I must not pass! I
urged that it was my duty to attend the Princess.
They said, No matter; I must not pass that
way.'
XXX. GEORGE II.
The unexpected death of George the First on his
road to Hanover was instantly notified by Lord
Townshend, secretary of state, who attended his
Majesty, to his brother Sir Robert Walpole, who
as expeditiously was the first to carry the news to
the successor, and hail him king. The next step was,
to ask who his majesty would please should draw
his speech to the council-" Sir Spencer Comp-
ton," replied the new monarch.-The answer was
decisive and implied Sir Robert's dismission. Sir
Spencer Compton was Speaker of the House of Com-
mons, and treasurer, I think, at that time, to his
Royal Highness, who by that first command implied
his intention of making Sir Spencer his prime mi-
WALPOLE'S REMINISCENCES.
189
nister. He was a worthy man, of exceedingly grave
formality, but of no parts-as his conduct imme-
diately proved. The poor gentleman was so little
qualified to accommodate himself to the grandeur
of the moment, and to conceive how a new sove-
reign should address himself to his ministers, and
he had also been so far from meditating to supplant
the premier, that in his distress it was to Sir Ro-
bert himself he had recourse, and whom he be-
sought to make the draught of the King's speech
for him. The new Queen, a better judge than her
husband of the capacities of the two candidates,
´and who had silently watched for a moment proper
for overturning the new designations, did not lose
an instant in observing to the King how prejudicial
it would be to his affairs, to prefer to the minister
in possession a man in whose own judgment his
predecessor was the fittest person to execute his
office. From that moment there was no more
question of Sir Spencer Compton as prime minister.
He was created an earl, soon received the garter,
and became president of that council, at the head
of which he was much fitter to sit than to direct.
Fourteen years afterwards he again was nominated
by the same prince to replace Sir Robert as first lord
of the treasury, on the latter's forced resignation;
but not as prime minister, the conduct of affairs
being soon ravished from him by that dashing ge-
nius the Earl of Granville, who reduced him to a
cipher for the little year in which he survived, and
in which his incapacity had been obvious.
The Queen, impatient to destroy all hopes of
change, took the earliest opportunity of declaring
her own sentiments. The instance I shall cite will
be a true picture of courtiers. Their majesties had
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removed from Richmond to their temporary palace
in Leicester-fields, on the very evening of their
receiving notice of their accession to the crown;
and the next day all the nobility and gentry in town
crowded to kiss their hands: my mother amongst
the rest, who, Sir Spencer Compton's designation,
and not its evaporation, being known, could not
make her way between the scornful backs and el-
bows of her late devotees, nor could approach nearer
to the Queen than the third or fourth row:-but
no sooner was she descried by her majesty, than
the Queen said aloud, "There I am sure I see a
friend !"-The torrent divided and shrunk to either
side; " and as I came away," said my mother,
"I might have walked over their heads, if I had
pleased."
The pre-occupation of the Queen in favour of
Walpole must be explained. He had early dis-
covered, that in whatever gallantries George Prince
of Wales indulged or affected, even the person of
his princess was dearer to him than any charms in
his mistresses and though Mrs Howard (after-
wards Lady Suffolk) was openly his declared fa-
vourite, as avowedly as the Duchess of Kendal was
his father's, Sir Robert's sagacity discerned that the
power would be lodged with the wife, not with the
mistress; and he not only devoted himself to the
princess, but totally abstained from even visiting
Mrs Howard; while the injudicious multitude con-
cluded, that the common consequences of an in-
constant husband's passion for his concubine would
follow; and accordingly warmer, if not public, vows
were made to the supposed favourite than to the
prince's consort. They, especially, who in the later
reign had been out of favour at court, had, to pave
WAI POLE'S REMINISCENCES.
191
their future path to favour, and to secure the fall
of Sir Robert Walpole, sedulously, and no doubt
zealously, dedicated themselves to the mistress :
Bolingbroke secretly, his friend Swift openly, and
as ambitiously, cultivated Mrs Howard: and the
neighbourhood of Pope's villa to Richmond facili-
tated their intercourse; though his religion forbade
his entertaining views beyond those of serving his
friends. Lord Bathurst, another of that connexion,
and Lord Chesterfield, too early for his interest,
founded their hopes on Mrs Howard's influence ;
but astonished and disappointed at finding Walpole
not shaken from his seat, they determined on an
experiment that should be the touch-stone of Mrs
Howard's credit. They persuaded her to demand
of the new King an earl's coronet for Lord Bathurst
-She did the Queen put in her veto—and Swift
in despair returned to Ireland, to lament Queen
Anne and curse Queen Caroline, under the mask
of patriotism, in a country he abhorred and des-
pised.
To Mrs Howard Swift's ingratitude was base.
She indubitably had not only exerted all her interest
to second his and his faction's interests, but loved
Queen Caroline and the minister as little as they
did. Yet, when Swift died, he left behind him a
character of Mrs Howard by no means flattering,
which was published in his posthumous works. On
its appearance, Mrs Howard (become Lady Suf-
folk) said to me in her calm, dispassionate manner,
“All I can say is, that it is very different from one
that he drew of me and sent to me many years ago,
and which I have, written by his own hand.”
*
*
*
Ar the first council held by the new sovereign,
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Dr Wake, Archbishop of Canterbury, produced the
will of the late King, and delivered it to the suc-
cessor, expecting it would be opened and read in
council. On the contrary, his majesty put it into
his pocket, and stalked out of the room, without
uttering a word on the subject. The poor prelate
was thunderstruck, and had not the presence of mind
or the courage to demand the testament's being
opened, or, at least, to have it registered. No man
present chose to be more hardy than the person
to whom the deposit had been trusted-perhaps
none of them immediately conceived the possible
violation of so solemn an act so notoriously exist-
ent. Still, as the King never mentioned the will
more, whispers only by degrees informed the pub-
lic, that the will was burnt; at least, that its injunc-
tions were never fulfilled.
What the contents were was never ascertained.
Report said, that forty thousand pounds had been
bequeathed to the Duchess of Kendal; and more
vague rumours spoke of a large legacy to the Queen
of Prussia, daughter of the late King. Of that be-
quest demands were afterwards said to have been
frequently and roughly made by her son, the great
King of Prussia, between whom and his uncle sub-
sisted much inveteracy.
The legacy to the duchess was some time after
on the brink of coming to open and legal discussion.
Lord Chesterfield, marrying her niece and heiress,
the Countess of Walsingham, and resenting his own
proscription at court, was believed to have, insti-
tuted, or at least to have threatened, a suit for re-
covery of the legacy to the Duchess, to which he
was then become entitled: and it was as confidently
WALPOLE'S REMINISCENCES.
193
believed that he was quieted by the payment of
twenty thousand pounds.
But if the archbishop had too timidly betrayed
the trust reposed in him, from weakness and want
of spirit, there were two other men who had no
such plea of imbecility, and who, being independent.
and above being awed, basely sacrificed their ho-
nour and integrity for positive sordid gain. George
the First had deposited duplicates of his will with
two sovereign German princes-I will not specify
them, because at this distance of time I do not per-
fectly recollect their titles; but I was actually some
years ago shown a copy of a letter from one of our
ambassadors abroad to a secretary of state at that
period, in which the ambassador said, one of the
princes in question would accept the proffered sub-
sidy, and had delivered, or would deliver, the du-
plicate of the King's will. The other trustee was
no doubt as little conscientious and as corrupt.-It
is pity the late King of Prussia did not learn their
infamous treachery !
Discoursing once with Lady Suffolk on that
suppressed testament, she made the only plausible
shadow of an excuse that could be made for George
the Second-She told me, that George the First
had burnt two wills made in favour of his son. They
were probably the wills of the Duke and Duchess
of Zell; or one of them might be that of his mother,
the Princess Sophia.
The crime of the First George could only palli-
ate, not justify, the criminality of the Second; for
the Second did not punish the guilty, but the in-
nocent. But bad precedents are always dangerous,
and too likely to be copied.
R
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WALPOLIANA.
XXXI. ADELA, A TALE.
I have been amusing myself with a history of
Picardy, and shall read you off a short tale that
struck me.
Thomas de St Valery was travelling with his
wife, Adela, daughter of a Count de Ponthieu.
They were attacked near a forest by eight armed
men. St Valery, after a severe struggle, was sei-
zed, bound, and thrown into a thicket. His wife
was carried off, exposed to the brutality of the
banditti, and afterwards dismissed in a state of
nudity. She, however, sought for, and found her
husband, and they returned together.
They were soon after met by their servants,
whom they had left at an inn, and returned to their
father's castle at Abbeville. The barbarous Count,
full of false ideas of honour, proposed, some days
after, to his daughter, a ride to his town of Rue,
on the sea-shore. There they entered a bark, as
if to sail about for pleasure; and they had stood
out three leagues from the shore, when the Count
de Ponthieu, starting up, said, with a terrible voice,
"Lady, death must now efface the shame which
your misfortune has brought on all your family."
WALPOLIANA.
195
t
The sailors, previously instructed, instantly sei-
zed her, shut her up into a hogshead, and threw
her into the sea, while the bark regained the coast.
Happily a Flemish vessel passing near the coast,
the crew observed the floating hogshead, and, ex-
pecting a prize of good wine, took it up, opened it,
and, with great surprise, found a beautiful woman.
She was, however, almost dead, from terror and
want of air; and, at her earnest entreaty, the ho-
nest Flemings sent a boat ashore with her. She
gained her husband's house, who was in tears for
her supposed death. The scene was extremely af-
fecting but Adela only survived it a few hours.
John, Count of Ponthieu, repenting of his crime,
gave to the monks of St Valery the right of fishing
three days in the year, in and about the spot where
his daughter had been thrown overboard.
XXXII. AKENSIDE AND ROLT.
Akenside's Pleasures of Imagination attracted
-much notice on the first appearance, from the ele-
gance of its language, and the warm colouring of
the descriptions. But the Platonic fanaticism of
the foundation injured the general beauty of the edi-
fice. Plato is indeed the philosopher of imagina-
tion; but is not this saying that he is no philoso-
pher at all? I have been told that Rolt, who af-
terwards wrote many books, was in Dublin when
that poem appeared, and actually passed a whole
year there, very comfortably, by passing for the
author.
XXXIII. ANECDOTES OF THE STREETS.
There is a French book called Anecdotes des
Rues de Paris. I had begun a similar work,
"Anecdotes of the Streets of London." I intend-
ed, in imitation of the French original, to have
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pointed out the streets and houses where any re-
markable incident had happened. But I found the
labour would be too great, in collecting materials
from various resources; and I abandoned the de-
sign, after having written about ten or twelve pages.
XXXIV. ARTFUL QUESTION.
Dominico, the harlequin, going to see Louis XIV.
at supper, fixed his eye on a dish of partridges.
The King, who was fond of his acting, said, “ Give
that dish to Dominico." "And the partridges too,
sire?" Louis, penetrating his art, replied, " And
the partridges too." The dish was gold.
XXXV. AUTHORS AND ARTISTS.
I have always rather tried to escape the acquaint-
ance and conversation of authors. An author,
talking of his own works, or censuring those of
others, is to me a dose of ipecacuanha. I like only
a few, who can in company forget their authorship,
and remember plain sense.
The conversation of artists is still worse. Vanity
and envy are the main ingredients. One detests
vanity because it shocks one's own vanity.
Had I listened to the censures of artists, there
is not a good piece in my collection. One blames
one part of a picture, another attacks another.
Sir Joshua is one of the most candid; yet he
blamed the stiff drapery of my Henry VII. in the
state bed-chamber, as if good drapery could be
expected in that age of painting.
XXXVI. AUTHORS IN FLOWER-MYSTERIOUS
MOTHER.
At Strawberry-hill, 19th September, 1784, Mr
Walpole remarked that, at a certain time of their
lives, men of genius seemed to be in flower. Gray
was in flower three years, when he wrote his Odes,
WALPOLIANA.
197
&c. This starting the idea of the American aloe,
some kinds of which are said to flower only once
in a century, he observed, laughing, that had Gray
lived an hundred years longer, perhaps he would
have been in flower again. Sir Charles Hanbury
Williams bore only one blossom; he was in flower
only for one ode.
Next evening, about eleven o'clock, Mr Wal-
pole gave me the Mysterious Mother to read, while
he went to Mrs Clive's for an hour or two. The
date was remarkable, as the play hinges on an an-
niversary twentieth of September.
-but often as returns
The twentieth of September, &c.
This odd circumstance conspired, with the complete
solitude of the Gothic apartments, to lend an ad-
ditional impression to the superstitious parts of
that tragedy. In point of language, and the true
expression of passion and feeling, the new and
just delineation of monastic fraud, tyranny, and
cruelty, it deserves the greatest praise. But it is
surprising that a man of his taste and judgment
should have added to the improbability of the tale,
instead of mellowing it with softer shades. This
might be cured by altering one page of the coun-
tess's confession in the last act. The story, as
told in Luther's Table Walk, seems more ancient
than that in the Tales of the Queen of Navarre.
On Mr Walpole's return, he said he had printed
a few copies of this tragedy at Strawberry-hill, to
give to his friends. Some of them falling into im-
proper hands, two surreptitious editions were ad-
vertised. Mr W. in consequence, desired Dodsley
to print an edition 1781, and even caused it to be
advertised. But finding that the stolen impressions
R 2
1
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}
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were of course dropped, he ordered his not to be
issued, and none were ever sold.
XXXVII. BEAUTIFUL PROVERBS.
Proverbs not only present "le bon gros sens qui
court les rues," but sometimes are expressed in
elegant metaphor. I was struck with an oriental
one of this sort, which I met with in some book of
travels: "With time and patience the leaf of the
mulberry-tree becomes satin."
XXXVIII. BERNIS AND FLEURY.
Cardinal de Bernis, when only an Abbé, solicited
Cardinal Fleury, then four-score, for some prefer-
ment. Fleury told him fairly, he should never
have anything in his time: Bernis replied, "Mon-
seigneur, j'attendrai."*
XXXIX. BIOGRAPHIA.
I had happened to say that the Biographia Bri-
tannica was an apology for everybody. This reach-
ed the ears of Dr Kippis, who was publishing a new
edition; and who retorted that the life of Sir
Robert Walpole should prove that the Biographia
was not an apology for everybody. Soon after I
was surprised with a visit from the doctor, who
came to solicit materials for my father's life. You
may guess I very civilly refused.
XL. DUCHESS OF BOLTON.
The Duchess Dowager of Bolton, who was na-
tural daughter to the Duke of Monmouth, used to
divert George I. by affecting to make blunders.
Once when she had been at the play of " Love's
Last Shift," she called it, La dernière Chémise de
l'Amour. Another time she pretended to come to
court in a great fright, and the King asking the
cause, she said she had been at Mr Whiston's, who
* My lord, I shall wait.
WALPOLIANA.
199
told her the world would be burnt in three years;
and for her part she was determined to go to China.
XLI. BOOKSELLERS.
The manœuvres of bookselling are now equal in
number to the stratagems of war. Publishers open
and shut the sluices of reputation as their various
interests lead them; and it is become more and
more difficult to judge of the merit or fame of re-
cent publications.
XLII. BRUCE'S TRavels.
Bruce's book is both dull and dear. We join in
clubs of five, each pays a guinea, draws lots who
shall have it first, and the last to keep it for his
patience.
Bruce's overbearing manner has raised enmity
and prejudice; and he did wrong in retailing the
most wonderful parts of his book in companies. A
story may be credible when attended with circum-
stances, which seems false if detached.
I was present in a large company at dinner,
when Bruce was talking away. Some one asked
him what musical instruments are used in Abyssi-
nia? Bruce hesitated, not being prepared for the
question; and at last said, "I think I saw one
Tyre there." George Selwyn whispered his next
man, "
"Yes; and there is one less since he left the
country."
XLIII. BURNET.
Bishop Burnet's absence of mind is well known
Dining with the Duchess of Marlborough, after
her husband's disgrace, he compared this great Ge-
neral to Belisarius. "But," said the Duchess,
eagerly, "how came it that such a man was so
miserable, and universally deserted ?"—" Oh, ma-
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dam," exclaimed the distrait prelate," he had such
a brimstone of a wife !"
XLIV. CAUTION TO YOUNG AUTHORS.
Youth is prone to censure.
A young man of
genius expects to make a world for himself; as he
gets older, he finds he must take it as it is.
It is imprudent in a young author to make any
enemies whatever. He should not attack any li-
ving person. Pope was, perhaps, too refined and
jesuitic a professor of authorship; and his arts to
establish his reputation were infinite, and some-
times perhaps exceeded the bounds of severe inte-
grity. But in this he is an example of prudence,
that he wrote no satire till his fortune was made.
XLV. CHARLES I.
The best and most undoubted specimen of the
mental powers of Charles I. is his conference with
Henderson.
XLVI. A COMMANDANT.
The evening before a battle, an officer came to
ask Marshal Toiras for permission to go and see
his father, who was at the point of death. “Go,"
said the general, who saw through his pretext;
"honour thy father and thy mother, that thy days
may be long upon the earth.”
XLVII. CONTEMPORARY JUDGMENTS.
Contemporaries are tolerable judges of tempo-
rary merit, but often most erroneous in their esti-
mate of lasting fame. Burnet, you know, speaks
of "one Prior;" and Whitlocke of "one Milton,
a blind man." Burnet and Whitlocke were men
of reputation themselves. But what say you of
Heath, the obscure chronicler of the civil wars?
He says,
ર one Milton, since stricken with blind-
ness, wrote against Salmasius; and composed an
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201
impudent and blasphemous book, called Icono-
clastes."
XLVIII. DEMOCRATS.
A fig for our democrats! (1792). Barking dogs
never bite. The danger in France arose from silent
and instantaneous action. They said nothing, and
did everything-ours say everything, and will do
nothing.
XLIX. EMPHATIC OATH.
Some time after the massacre of St Bartholo-
mew, the deputies of the reformed were treating
with the king, the queen-mother, and some of the
council, for a peace. The articles were mutually
agreed on; the question was upon the security for
performance. After some particulars propounded
and rejected, the queen-mother said, "Is not the
word of a king sufficient security ?" One of the
deputies answered, "No, by St Bartholomew,
madam."
L. PRINCE EUGENE.
Prince Eugene was at one time so great a favour-
itè in England, that an old maid bequeathed to him
L.2500; nay, a gardener left him L.100 by his
will.
LI. FAME.
In
Much of reputation depends on the period in
which it arises. The Italians proverbially observe,
that one half of fame depends on that cause.
dark periods, when talents appear, they shine like
the sun through a small hole in the window-shut-
ter. The strong beam dazzles amid the surround-
ing gloom. Open the shutters, and the general dif-
fusion of light attracts no notice.
LII. FEMALE QUARRELS.
The spreta injuria forma is the greatest with a
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woman. A man of rank, hearing that two of his
female relations had quarrelled, asked, “Did they
call each other ugly ?". "No."-" Well, well; I
shall soon reconcile them."
LIII. THE FIRST STEP.
Il n'y a que le premier pas qui coute: "The first
step is the only difficulty." This proverb was odd-
ly applied by a lady, who, hearing a canon in com-
pany say that St Piat, after his head was cut off,
walked two entire leagues with it in his hand,
"Yes, madam, two entire leagues.""I firmly
believe it," answered the lady; "on such an oc-
casion the first step is the only difficulty."
LIV. FOLLY OF ERUDITION.
A German has written an elaborate dissertation
to prove that Cæsar never was in Gaul! Was it
he, or his brother, who attempted to prove that
Tacitus did not understand Latin ?
LV.
What a man Fox is!
FOX.
After his long and ex-
hausting speech on Hastings's trial, he was seen
handing ladies into the coaches, with all the gaiety
and prattle of an idle gallant.
LVI. FRENCH NATIONALITY.
The Abbé Raynal came, with some Frenchmen
of rank, to see me at Strawberry-hill. They were
standing at a window, looking at the prospect to
the Thames, which they found flat, and one of
them said in French, not thinking that I and Mr
Churchill overheard them, "Everything in Eng-
land only serves to recommend France to us the
more.' Mr Churchill instantly stepped up, and
said, "Gentlemen, when the Cherokees were in
this country they could eat nothing but train oil."
WALPOLIANA.
203
LVII. NEW PROOF OF FRIENDSHIP.
Sir *** *** was a great amateur, nay, prac-
tiser, of boxing and wrestling, and willingly im-
parted his knowledge to those who consulted him.
A lord in his neighbourhood calling on him one
day, they walked into the garden, and the baronet
started his favourite topic. The peer's politeness
leading him to say that he should wish to see a
specimen of the baronet's boasted skill, Sir ***
suddenly seized him from behind, and threw him
over his head. Up starts my lord in a rage; when
the baronet addressed him with great gravity, "My
lord, this is a proof of my great friendship for you.'
This master-stroke I have shown to no other per-
son living."
LVIII. GEORGE THE FIRST.
I do remember something of George the First.
My father took me to St James's while I was a
very little boy; after waiting some time in an
anteroom, a gentleman came in all dressed in
brown, even his stockings; and with a riband and
star. He took me up in his arms, kissed me, and
chatted some time.
On a journey to Hanover, the coach of George
I. breaking down, he was obliged to take shelter in
the next country-house, which belonged to a gen-
tleman attached to the abdicated family. The King
was of course shown into the best room; where,
in the most honourable place, appeared-the por-
trait of the Pretender. The possessor, in great
confusion, was about to apologise by pleading ob
ligations, &c. when the King stopped him, by say-
ing, with a smile of indifference, "Upon my word,
it is very like the family."
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TABLE-TALK.
LIX. SIR JOHN GERMAIN.
I shall tell you a very foolish but a true story.
Sir John Germain, ancestor of Lady Betty Ger-
main, was a Dutch adventurer, who came over
here in the reign of Charles II. He had an in-
trigue with a Countess, who was divorced, and
married him. This man was so ignorant, that be-
ing told that Sir Matthew Decker wrote St Mat-
thew's Gospel, he firmly believed it. I doubted this
tale very much, till I asked a lady of quality, his
descendant, about it, who told me it was most true.
She added, that Sir John Germain was in conse-
quence so much persuaded of Sir Matthew's piety,
that, by his will, he left two hundred pounds to
Sir Matthew, to be by him distributed among the
Dutch paupers in London.
LX. HARDOUIN.
Hardouin was a diverting madman. He thought
most of the classics were forged by monks. So
wrong-headed he was, that you may be sure that
what he asserts is false, and what he attacks is
true. When he was inculcating his new doctrines
of literary forgery to a youth, his disciple, the lat-
ter asked him what was to be thought of the scrip-
tures, the canons, the fathers? After a long si-
lence, Hardouin answered, " Only I and God
know the force of your objection."
LXI. HEROISM OF A PEASANT.
The following generous action has always struck
me extremely; there is somewhat even of sublime
in it.
A great inundation having taken place in the
north of Italy, owing to an excessive fall of snow
in the Alps, followed by a speedy thaw, the river
Adige carried off a bridge near Vienna, except the
WALPOLIANA.
205
middle part, on which was the house of the toll-
gatherer, or porter, I forget which; and who, with
his whole family, thus remained imprisoned by the
waves, and in momentary danger of destruction.
They were discovered from the banks, stretching
forth their hands, screaming, and imploring suc-
cour, while fragments of this remaining arch were
continually dropping into the water.
In this extreme danger, a nobleman, who was
present, a Count of Pulverini, I think, held out a
purse of one hundred sequins, as a reward to any
adventurer who would take a boat, and deliver this
unhappy family. But the risk was so great of being
borne down by the rapidity of the stream, of being
dashed against the fragment of the bridge, or of
being crushed by the falling stones, that not one,
in the vast number of spectators, had courage
enough to attempt such an exploit.
A peasant, passing along, was informed of the
proposed reward. Immediately jumping into a
boat, he, by strength of oars, gained the middle of
the river, brought his boat under the pile; and the
whole family safely descended by means of a rope.
Courage !" cried he. "Now you are safe." By
a still more strenuous effort, and great strength of
arm, he brought the boat and family to shore.
"Brave fellow," exclaimed the Count, handing the
purse to him, "here is the promised recompense.
..
“I shall never expose my life for money," an-
swered the peasant. My labour is a sufficient
livelihood for myself, my wife, and children.
Give the purse to this poor family, which has lost
all."
LXII.
HIEROGLYPHIC.
A farmer of the gabelle on salt had built a villa
$
1
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TABLE-TALK.
like a palace. Displaying it to his friends, it was
observed, that a statue was wanting for a large
niche in the vestibule. "I mean to put there,"
said the farmer, "some allegorical statue relating
to my business.". "You may then put Lot's wife,
who was changed to a statue of salt," answered
one of his friends.
LXIII. HISTORY.
Smollett's History of England was written in
two years, and is very defective.
Thinking to amuse my father once, after his re-
tirement from the ministry, I offered to read a book
of history. "Anything but history," said he, "for
history must be false.”
There are three kinds of history all good: the
original writers; full and ample memoirs, compiled
from them, and from manuscripts, with great ex-
actness; and histories elegantly written and ar-
ranged. The second step is indispensably neces-
sary for the third; and I am more pleased with it
than with the third. It has more of truth, which
is the essence of history.
LXIV. HUME AND BURNET.
I am no admirer of Hume. In conversation he
was very thick; and I do believe hardly understood
a subject till he had written upon it.
Burnet I like much. It is observable, that none
of his facts have been controverted, except his re-
lation of the birth of the Pretender, in which he was
certainly mistaken-but his very credulity is a
proof of his honesty. Burnet's style and manner
are very interesting. It seems as if he had just
come from the king's closet, or from the apart-
ments of the men whom he describes, and was tell-
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207
ing his reader, in plain honest terms, what he had
seen and heard.
LXV.
HYPERCRITICISM.
Everything has its place. Lord Hailes, who
is very accurate himself, observed to me, that the
chronology of the Memoires de Grammont is not
exact. What has that book to do with chrono-
logy?
LXVI. INCREDIBLE FACT.
The Abbé Regnier, secretary of the French aca-
demy, was collecting in his hat from each member
a contribution for a certain purpose. The presi-
dent Roses, one of the forty, was a great miser, but
had paid his quota; which the abbé not perceiving,
he presented the hat a second time. Roses, as was
to be expected, said he had already paid. "I be-
lieve it," answered Regnier, "though I did not see
it," "And I," added Fontenelle, who was beside
him, "I saw it, but I do not believe it."
r
LXVII. INDOLENCE.
When the Duke of Newcastle left the ministry,
a whole closet of American dispatches was found
unopened.
LXVIII. DR JOHNSON.
I cannot imagine that Dr Johnson's reputation
will be very lasting. His Dictionary is a surprising
work for one man; but sufficient examples in ſo-
reign countries show that the task is too much for
one man, and that a society should alone pretend
to publish a standard Dictionary. In Johnson's
Dictionary, I can hardly find anything. I look for.
It is full of words nowhere else to be found, and
wants numerous words occurring in good authors.
In writing it is useful; as, if one be doubtful, in
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TABLE-TALK.
the choice of a word, it displays the authorities
for its usage.
His essays I detest. They are full of what I call
triptology, or repeating the same thing thrice over,
so that three papers to the same effect might be
made out of any one paper in the Rambler. He
must have had a bad heart-his story of the sacri-
lege in his voyage to the Western Islands of Scot-
land is a lamentable instance.
LXIX. JUNIUS.
I was informed, by Sir John Irwine, that one
day, when he was at Mr Grenville's, Mr G. told
Sir John, that he had that morning received a let-
ter from Junius, saying, that he esteemed Mr G.
and might soon make himself known to him. This
affords me proof positive that the celebrated author
of those letters could not be Mr Grenville's secre-
tary, as was reported.
I really suspect single-speech Hamilton to have
been the author, from the following circumstance.
One day, at a house, where he happened to be, he
repeated the contents of that day's Junius; while,
in fact, the printer had delayed the publication till
next day. Hamilton was also brought forward by
Lord Holland; and it is remarkable, that Lord Hol-
land, though very open to censure, is not once
mentioned.
Garrick, dining with me, told me, that, having
been at Woodfall's, he learned that the Junius of
that day would be the last. Upon which, hurrying
to St James's, he reported this intelligence to se-
veral people. Next day he received a letter from
Junius, informing him, that if he used such free-
doms a letter to him should appear. From this
3
WALPOLIANA.
209
Garrick concluded that the author was about the
court.
LXX. LEARNING ENCOURAGED.
I was told a droll story concerning Mr Gibbon,
t'other day. One of those booksellers in Pater-
noster-row, who publish things in numbers, went
to Gibbon's lodgings in St James's-street, sent up
his name, and was admitted. "Sir," said he, "I
am now publishing a History of England, done by
several good hands. I understand you have a knack
at them there things, and should be glad to give
you every reasonable encouragement.
As soon as Gibbon recovered the use of his legs
and tongue, which were petrified with surprise, he
ran to the bell, and desired his servant to show this
encourager of learning down stairs.
LXXI. DUCHESS OF MARLBOROUGH.
I am told that the secret letters between Queen
Anne and the Duchess of Marlborough, in the first
glow of their passion, are still extant in a certain
house in the Green Park. They used to correspond
under feigned and romantic names. When this in-
tense friendship abated, the Duchess was certainly
more in fault than the Queen. Such was the
equality produced by their intimacy, that almost
the sole remaining idea of superiority remained
with her who had the advantage in personal charms
and in this there was unfortunately no compari-
son.
The Duchess became so presumptuous that
she would give the Queen her gloves to hold, and
on taking them again would affect suddenly to turn
her head away, as if her royal mistress had perspi-
red some disagreeable effluvia !
LXXII. MARY, QUEEN OF SCOTLAND.
I cannot think that the letter from Mary, Queen
8 2
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TABLE-TALK.
of Scotland, to Elizabeth, about the amours of the
latter, is genuine. I suppose it a forgery of Bur-
leigh, to show Elizabeth, if she had refused to con-
demn Mary.
It was the interest of Queen Elizabeth's ministers
to put Mary to death, 1. as they had gone too far
against her to hope for mercy; and, 2. to secure a
protestant succession. The above letter was pub-
lished by Haynes, among the Cecil papers preser-
ved at Hatfield House. His compilation is executed
without judgment.
I have read the apologies for Mary; but still
must believe her guilty of her husband's death. So
much of the advocate, so many suppositions, appear
in those long apologies, that they show of them-
selves that plain truth can hardly be on that side.
Suppose her guilty, and all is easy: there is no
longer a labyrinth, and a clew:—all is in the high-
way of human affairs.
LXXIII. MATHEMATICS.
The profound study of mathematics seems to in-
jure the more general and useful mode of reason-
ing, that by induction. Mathematical truths being,
so to speak, palpable, the moral feelings become
less sensitive to impalpable truths. As when one
sense is carried to great perfection, the others are
usually less acute, so mathematical reasoning seems,
in some degree, to injure the other modes of ratio-
cination. Napier (who was not a lord, as I am ad-
monished, since I published my Catalogue of Royal
and Noble Authors,) wrote nonsense on the Revela-
tions. So did Newton on the same book, and the
Prophecies of Daniel. Now Dr South, you know,
used to say that the Revelations either found a man
mad, or left him so. I say nothing of Newton's
WALPOLIANA.
211
Chronology. He builds, I believe, upon one Chiron,
without proving that Chiron, or the Argonauts,
ever existed. Mythology is too profound for me.
I know not if Chiron were man or horse, or both.
I only know he is no acquaintance of mine.
LXXIV. TWO MINISTERS.
Mr Pitt's plan, when he had the gout, was to
have no fire in his room, but to load himself with
bed-clothes. At his house at Hayes he slept in a
long room, at one end of which was his bed, and
his lady's at the other. His way was, when he
thought the Duke of Newcastle had fallen into any
mistake, to send for him, and read him a lecture.
The Duke was sent for once, and came, when Mr
Pitt was confined to bed by the gout. There was,
as usual, no fire in the room; the day was very
chilly, and the Duke, as usual, afraid of catching
cold. The Duke first sat down on Mrs Pitt's bed,
as the warmest place; then drew up his legs into
it, as he got colder. The lecture unluckily con-
tinuing a considerable time, the Duke at length
fairly lodged himself under Mrs Pitt's bed-clothes.
A person, from whom I had the story, suddenly
going in, saw the two ministers in bed, at the two
ends of the room; while Pitt's long nose, and black
beard unshaved for some days, added to the gro-
tesque of the scene.
LXXV. NEW IDEA OF A NOVEL.
I am firmly convinced that a story might be writ-
ten, of which all the incidents should appear super-
natural, yet turn out natural.
(This remark was made in 1784.)
LXXVI. THE NEW ROBINSON CRUSOE.
Sir T. Robinson was a tall, uncouth man, and
his stature was often rendered still more remark-
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able by his hunting dress, a postilion's cap, a tight
green jacket, and buckskin breeches. He was liable
to sudden whims ; and once set off on a sudden, in
his hunting-suit, to visit his sister, who was mar-
ried and settled at Paris.
He arrived while there was a large company at
dinner. The servant announced M. Robinson, and
he came in, to the great amazement of the guests.
Among others, a French abbé thrice lifted his fork
to his mouth, and thrice laid it down, with an eager
stare of surprise. Unable to restrain his curiosity
any longer, he burst out with, "Excuse me, sir.
Are you the famous Robinson Crusoe, so remark-
able in history?"
LXXVII. ODD OBLIGATION.
The Duke of Roquelaure was one of those who,
as Madame Sevigné says, "abuse the privilege
that the men have to be ugly." Accidentally find-
ing at court a very ugly country gentleman, who
had a suit to offer, the Duke presented him to the
King, and urged his request, saying he was under
the highest obligations to the gentleman. The King
granted the request; then asked Roquelaure what
were those great obligations? "Ah! Sire, if it were
not for him, I should be the very ugliest man in
your dominions." This sally excited the royal smile,
while the gentleman, with plain good sense, affect-
ed not to hear it.
LXXVIII. CASTLE OF OTRANTO.
Lady Craven has just brought me from Italy a
most acceptable present, a drawing of the castle of
Otranto. Here it is. It is odd that that back-
window corresponds with the description in my
romance. When I wrote it, I did not even know
that there was a castle at Otranto. I wanted a
WALPOLIANA.
213
name of some place in the south of Italy, and
Otranto struck me in the map.
I wrote the "Castle of Otranto" in eight days,
or rather eight nights; for my general hours of
composition are from ten o'clock at night till two
in the morning, when I am sure not to be disturb-
ed by visitants. While I am writing I take seve-
ral cups of coffee.
LXXIX. PASSENGERS IN LANDSCAPE.
Once walking in his grounds, the good effect of
the passengers, on a footpath beyond, was obser-
ved, as figures in the landscape. Mr Walpole an-
swered, True. I have no objection to passen-
gers, provided they pass.'
LXXX. PAUW.
Pauw is an ingenious author, but trop tranchant.
There are good things in his Recherches sur les
Grecs; and his idea that Sparta was a mere den
of thieves, is certainly just. Their conduct to the
Helots shows that they were not only thieves, but
assassins; as their descendants are to this day. I
cannot make out what he means when he speaks
of Varro's collection of portraits, as having been
engraved by that great man, and coloured by a
lady called Lala. He quotes Pliny as his autho-
rity.
LXXXI. PENNANT.
Mr Pennant is a most ingenious and pleasing
writer. His Tours display a great variety of know-
ledge, expressed in an engaging way. In private
life, I am told, he has some peculiarities, and even
eccentricities. Among the latter may be classed
his singular antipathy to a wig-which, however,
he can suppress, till reason yields a little to wine.
214
TABLE-TALK.
But when this is the case, off goes the wig next to
him, and into the fire.
Dining once at Chester with an officer who wore
a wig, Mr Pennant became half seas over; and
another friend that was in company carefully pla-
ced himself between Pennant and wig, to prevent
mischief. After much patience, and many a wist-
ful look, Pennant started up, seized the wig, and
threw it into the fire. It was in flames in a mo-
ment, and so was the officer, who ran to his sword.
Down stairs runs Pennant, and the officer after
him, through all the streets of Chester. But Pen-
nant escaped, from superior local knowledge. A
wag called this "Pennant's Tour in Chester."
LXXXII. 'PHYSIOGNOMY.
Lavater, in his Physiognomy, says that Lord
Anson, from his countenance, must have been a
very wise man. He was one of the most stupid
men I ever knew.
LXXXIII.
LORD WILLIAM POULET.
Lord William Poulet, though often chairman of
committees of the House of Commons, was a great
dunce, and could scarce read. Being to read a bill
for naturalizing Jemima, Duchess of Kent, he call-
ed her, Jeremiah, Duchess of Kent.
Having heard south walls commended for ripen-
ing fruit, he showed all the four sides of his garden
for south walls.
A gentleman writing to desire a fine horse he
had, offered him any equivalent. Lord William re-
plied, that the horse was at his service, but he did
not know what to do with an elephant.
A pamphlet, called "The Snake in the Grass,"
being reported (probably in joke) to be written by
this Lord William Poulet, a gentleman, abused in
WALPOLIANA.
215
it, sent him a challenge. Lord William professed
his innocence, and that he was not the author; but
the gentleman would not be satisfied without a
denial under his hand. Lord William took a pen,
and began, “This is to scratify, that the buk called
the Snak-"" Oh, my Lord," said the person, "I
am satisfied; your Lordship has already convinced
me you did not write the book."
LXXXIV. PRICE OF MAKING A PARK A GARDEN.
Queen Caroline spoke of shutting up St James's
Park, and converting it into a noble garden for the
palace of that name. She asked my father what
it might probably cost; who replied, "only three
CROWNS.
""
LXXXV. PROVINCIAL PROVERB.
Henry, the second Prince of Condé of that
name, and father of the great Condé, wishing pri-
vately to mortgage his estate of Muret, went in-
cognito to an adjacent village, where lived one
Arnoul, a notary. The notary was at dinner, and
his wife waited without in the hall till he had
dined. The Prince inquired for Arnoul. The wo-
man answered in her patois, "Arnoul is at din-
ner; sit you down on the bench there: when Ar-
noul is at dinner, not a soul can speak with him,
i'faith." The Prince patiently sat down, waiting
the event of Arnoul's dinner. When it was ended,
he was introduced; the notary drew out the writing,
leaving the names blank; and having read it aloud,
asked the Prince, whom he did not know either in
person or as proprietor of the estate, his name
and designation. "They are short," answered the
client. "Put Henry of Bourbon, Prince of Condé,
first Prince of the Blood, Lord of Muret." Guess
the poor notary's amazement. Throwing himself
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on his knees, he begged pardon for his ignorance.
The Prince raised him, saying, "Fear nothing, my
worthy friend-Arnoul was at dinner, you know."
The story spread, and became a provincial proverb,
when one did not choose to be disturbed by an in-
trusion," Arnoul is at dinner."
LXXXVI. REAL APPARITION.
The Castle of Ardivillers, near Breteuil, was re-
ported to be haunted by evil spirits. Dreadful
noises were heard, and flames were seen by night
to issue from various apertures. The farmer who
was intrusted with the care of the house, in the
absence of its owner, the President d'Ardivillers,
could alone live there. The spirit seemed to re-
spect him; but any person who ventured to take
up a night's lodging in the castle, was sure to bear
the marks of his audacity.
Superstition, you know, is catching. By and
by the peasants in the neighbourhood began to see
strange sights. Sometimes a dozen of ghosts would
appear in the air above the castle, dancing a brawl.
At other times a number of presidents, and coun-
cillors in red robes, appeared in the adjacent mea-
dow. There they sat in judgment on a gentleman
of the country, who had been beheaded for some
crime a hundred years before. Another peasant
met in the night a gentleman related to the Presi-
dent, walking with the wife of a gentleman in the
neighbourhood, who were seen to caress each other,
and then vanished. As they were both alive, per-
haps they were obliged to the devil for preventing
scandal. In short, many had seen, and all had
heard, the wonders of the Castle of Ardivillers.
This affair had continued four or five years, to
the great loss of the President, who had been obli-
WALPOLIANA.
217
ged to let the estate to the farmer at a very low
rent. At length, suspecting some artifice, he re-
solved to visit and inspect the castle.
Taking with him two gentlemen, his friends,
they determined to pass the night in the same
apartment, and if any noise or apparition disturbed
them, to discharge their pistols at either ghost or
sound. As spirits know all things, they were pro-
bably aware of these preparations, and not one ap-
peared. But in the chamber just above, a dread-
ful rattling of chains was heard; and the wife and
children of the farmer ran to assist their lord.
They threw themselves on their knees, begging
that he would not visit that terrible room. My
lord," said they, "what can human force effect
against people of t'other world? M. de Fecan-
cour attempted the same enterprise years ago, and
he returned with a dislocated arm. M. D'Ursel-
les tried too; he was overwhelmed with bundles
of hay, and was ill for a long time after." In short,
so many attempts were mentioned, that the Presi-
dent's friends advised him to abandon the design.
But they determined to encounter the danger
themselves. Proceeding up stairs to an extensive
room, each having a candle in one hand, and a pis-
tol in the other, they found it full of thick smoke,
which increased more and more from some flames
that were visible. Soon after the ghost, or spirit,
faintly appeared in the middle: he seemed quite
black, and was amusing himself with cutting ca-
pers; but another eruption of flame and smoke hid
him from their view. He had horns and a long
tail, and was in truth, a dreadful object.
fail.
One of the gentlemen found his courage rather
"This is certainly supernatural," said he;
T
218
TABLE-TALK.
"let us retire." The other, endued with more
boldness, asserted that the smoke was that of
gun-
powder, which is no supernatural composition;
"and if this same spirit," added he, "knew his
own nature and trade, he should have extinguish-
ed our candles."
With these words he jumps amidst the smoke
and flames, and pursues the spectre. He soon dis-
charged his pistol at his back, and hit him exactly
in the middle, but was himself seized with fear,
when the spirit, far from falling, turned round and
rushed upon him. Soon recovering himself, he re-
solved to grasp the ghost, to discover if it were
indeed aerial and impassible. Mr Spectre, disor-
dered by this new manœuvre, rushed to a tower,
and descended a small staircase.
The gentleman ran after, and never losing sight
of him, passed several courts and gardens, still
turning as the spirit winded, till at length they en-
tered an open barn. Here the pursuer, certain, as
he thought, of his prey, shut the door; but when
he turned round, what was his amazement to see
the spectre totally disappear!
In great confusion he called to the servants for
more lights. On examining the spot of the spirit's
disappearance, he found a trap-door, upon raising
which several mattresses appeared, to break the
fall of any headlong adventurer. Descending, he
found the spirit himself the farmer himself.
His dress, of a complete bull's hide, had secured
him from pistol shot; and the horns and tail were
not diabolic, but mere natural appendages of the
original. The rogue confessed all his tricks, and
was pardoned on paying the arrears due for five
years, at the old rent of the land.
WALPOLIANA.
219
LXXXVII. DR ROBERTSÓN.
Dr Robertson called on me t'other day. We
talked of some political affairs; and he concluded
his opinion with, "For you must know, sir, that I
look upon myself as a moderate Whig." My an-
Yes, Doctor, I look on you as a very
swer was,
moderate Whig."
Dr Robertson's reading is not extensive: he only
reads what may conduce to the purpose in hand;
but he uses admirably what he does read. His
Introduction to the History of Charles V. abounds
with gross mistakes. In mentioning the little in-
tercourse among nations, in the middle ages, he
says a Prior of Cluny expresses his apprehensions
of a journey to St Maur. He supposes the Prior's
simplicity a standard of the mode of thinking at
that time! In many other instances he has mis-
taken exceptions for rules. Exceptions are re-
corded, because they are singular; what is gene-
rally done escapes record. A receipt may be given
for an extravagantly dear book, even now; but
that does not imply that books are now very un-
common.
LXXXVIII. SENTIMENT.
What is called sentimental writing, though it be
understood to appeal solely to the heart, may be
the product of a bad one. One would imagine that
Sterne had been a man of a very tender heart; yet `
I know, from indubitable authority, that his mo-
ther, who kept a school, having run in debt, on ac-
count of an extravagant daughter, would have rot-
ted in jail if the parents of her scholars had not
raised a subscription for her. Her son had too
much sentiment to have any feeling. A dead ass
was more important to him than a living mother
220
TABLE-TALK.
LXXXIX.
SMART EPISTLE.
The French civil wars often display wit; ours
are dull. The answer of the Captain of Hume
Castle to Colonel Fenwicke, who summoned it in
the name of Cromwell, is, however, whimsical. I
think I can turn to it. Here it is.
"RIGHT HONOURABLE,
“I have received a trumpeter of yours, as he
tells me, without your pass, (he had forgot it, it
seems, and left it behind him upon the table,) to
render Hume Castle to the Lord General Crom-
well. Please you, I never saw your General, nor
know your General. As for Hume Castle, it
stands upon a rock.
"Given at Hume Castle, this day, before seven
o'clock. So resteth, without prejudice of his na-
tive country,
"Your humble servant,
XC.
"JOHN COCKBURN."
STRANGE TALE.
Lord *** being out of town, his house was left
in charge of a female servant. The plate was lod-
ged at his banker's. A letter came to say that his
Lordship would be in town on such a day, and de-
siring that the plate might be got ready the even-
ing before. The servant took the letter to my
Lord's brother, who said there was no doubt of
the hand-writing. The banker expressed the same
certainty, and delivered the plate.
The servant being apprehensive of thieves, spoko
to their butcher, who lent her a stout dog, which
was shut up in the room with the plate. Next
morning a man was found dead in the room, his
throat being torn out by the dog; and upon exami-
nation it proved to be my Lord's brother. The
WALPOLIANA.
221
matter was carefully hushed, and a report spread
that he was gone abroad.
XCI. STUPID STORIES.
A stupid story, or idea, will sometimes make
one laugh more than wit. I was once removing
from Berkeley Square to Strawberry-hill, and had
sent off all my books, when a message unexpec-
tedly arrived, which fixed me in town for that af-
ternoon. What to do? I desired my man to rum-
mage for a book, and he brought me an old Grub
Street thing from the garret. The author, in sheer
ignorance, not humour, discoursing of the difficulty
of some pursuit, said, that even if a man had as
mauy lives as a cat, nay, as many lives as one
Plutarch is said to have had, he could not accom-
plish it. This odd quid pro quo surprised me into
vehement laughter.
Lady *** is fond of stupid stories. She repeats
one of a Welsh scullion wench, who, on hearing
the servants speak of new moons, asked gravely
what became of all the old moons.
Miss ***, with a sweet face and innocent mouth,
sings flash-songs. The contrast is irresistible.
XCII. COUNTESS OF SUFFOLK.
This Countess of Suffolk had married Mr How-
ard; and they were so poor, that they took a re-
solution of going to Hanover, before the death of
Queen Anne, in order to pay their court to the fu-
ture royal family. Such was their poverty, that
having invited some friends to dinner, and being
disappointed of a small remittance, she was forced
to sell her hair to furnish the entertainment. Long
wigs were then in fashion; and her hair, being
fine, long, and fair, produced twenty pounds.
T 2
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TABLE-TALK.
XCIII. A DAY OF HENRY IV. FROM SULLY,
Equally with painted portraits of memorable
persons, I admire written portraits, in which the
character is traced with those minute touches,
which constitute life itself. Of this sort is the do-
mestic portrait of Henry IV. of France, delineated
in a page or two of the original Memoirs of Sully.
[The most striking passages follow; but it is
impossible for a translation to represent the old
emphatic simplicity of the original.]
"You must know, that one day his Majesty
being healthy, light-hearted, active, and in good-
humour, on account of diverse fortunate incidents
in his domestic affairs, and of agreeable news recei-
ved from foreign nations, and from the provinces of
his kingdom; and perceiving the morning fine, and
every appearance of a serene day, he arose early to
kill partridges with his hawks and falcons, with the
design of returning so soon as to have them dress-
ed for his dinner; for he said he never found them
so nice and tender, as when they were thus taken,
especially as when he himself snatched them from the
birds of prey. In which all things having succeed-
cd to his wish, he returned when the heat of the
day became troublesome; so that being come to
the Louvre, with the partridges in his hand, and
having ascended to the great hall, he perceived at
the further end Varenne and Coquet, who were
chatting together in expectation of his return, to
whom he called aloud, " Coquet, Coquet, you
shall have no occasion to pity our dinner, for Ro-
quelaure, Termes, Frontenac, Harambure, and I,
bring wherewith to treat ourselves: quick, quick,
order the cook to spit them; and, after giving
them their shares, see that there be eight for
WALPOLIANA.
223
my wife and me. Bonneüil here shall carry her
share; and tell her I am going to drink to her
health. See that you take for me those that have
been a little nipped by the hawks; for there are
three large ones, which I myself took from them,
and which are not touched at all."
As the King was talking thus, and seeing the
game shared, he saw Clielle come, with his great
staff, and by his side Parfait, who bore a large gilt
basin, covered with a fair napkin, and who from a
distance began to call, "Sire, embrace my thigh ;
Sire, embrace my thigh; for I have got plenty, and
nice ones they are. Which the King hearing, he
said to those around him, "Here comes Parfait in
high glee: this, I warrant you, will add another
inch of fat to his ribs. I see he brings me excel-
lent melons, and am glad of it, for I shall cat a
bellyful; as they do not hurt me when they are
very good, when I eat them while I am very hun-
gry, and before meat, as my physicians prescribe.
But you four shall have your shares. So don't run
after your partridges, till you have had your me-
lons, which I shall give you, after I have chosen
my wife's share and mine, and two which I have
promised."
When the King had divided the partridges and
melons, he went to his chamber, where he gave
two melons to two lads at the door, and whispered
some words in their ear. Then passing on, as he
was in the midst of his great chamber, he saw
come out of the falcon closet, Fourcy, Beringuen,
and La Fonts; the last carrying a large parcel
wrapped up, to whom he called, "La Fonts, do
you too bring me something for my dinner ?"
Yes, Sire," answered Beringuen; "but it is cold
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TABLE-TALK.
food, and only fit for the eye."-" I want none
such," replied the King, "for I am dying with
hunger, and must dine before I do anything.—
Meanwhile I shall sit down to table, and eat my
melons, and take a glass of muscat. But, La Fonts,
what the deuce have you there, so well wrapped
up ?"-" Sire," said Fourcy, "they are designs for
patterns, of diverse sorts of stuffs, carpets, and ta-
pestry, in which your best manufacturers mean to
rival each other." "Very good," said the King;
"that will do to show my wife after dinner. And,
faith, now I think of a man (Sully) with whom I
don't always agree, especially when what he calls
baubles and trifles are in question; and who says
often that nothing is elegant that costs double its
real value. Go you, Fourcy, send for him now:
let one of my coaches go, or yours."
*
*
*
*
*
"Sire," said Sully to the King, "your majesty
speaks to me so kindly, that I see you are in good-
humour, and better pleased with me than you were
a fortnight ago."-"What," answered Henry," do
you still remember that? That is not my way.
Don't you know that our tiffs should never last
more than twenty-four hours? And I know that
the last did not prevent you from setting about a
good affair for my finances, the very next morning;
which, joined with other things, great and small,
which I shall tell you, have put me in this joyous
humour. The chief is, that, for these three months,
I have not found myself so light and active as to-
day; having mounted my horse without steps or
assistance. I have had a fine hunt; my falcons
have flown well, and my greyhounds have run so
that they have taken three large hares. I thought
WALPOLIANA.
225
I had lost my best goss-hawk; it was brought back,
I have a good appetite; I have eaten excellent
melons; and half a dozen quails have been served
up at my table, the fattest and most tender that I
ever saw. I have intelligence from Provence that
the troubles of Marseilles are quite appeased; and
like news from other provinces; and, besides, that
never was year so fertile; and that my people will
be greatly enriched, if I open the exportation. St
Anthoine writes to me that the Prince of Wales
(Henry, son of James I.) is always talking to him
of me, and promises you his friendship on my ac-
count. From Italy I learn that I shall have the sa-
tisfaction, the honour, and glory, of reconciling the
Venetians with the Pope. Bongars writes to me
from Germany, that the new King of Sweden is
more and more esteemed by his new subjects; and
that the Landgrave of Hesse gains me every day new
friends, allies, and assured servants. Buzenval
writes to Villeroy that the event of the sieges of
Ostend and Sluys having proved good and evil to
both parties, the excessive expenditure of money,
the great loss of men, and vast consumption of am-
munition, on both sides, have reduced them to such
weakness and want, that they will be equally con-
strained to listen to a peace or truce, of which I
must necessarily be the mediator and guardian; a
fair opening to my wishes of composing all diffe-
rences between Christian princes.
"Besides,” continued the King, "to increase
my content in all these good news, behold me at
table, surrounded by worthy men, of whose affec-
tion I am secure; and whom you judge capable, I
know, of entertaining me with useful and pleasing
conversation, which will save me from thoughts of
226
TABLE-TALK.
business, till I have finished my dinner; for then
will I hear everybody, and content them, if reason
and justice can.
*
*
After this, the King, rising from table, went to
meet the Queen, who was leaving her chamber to
go to her cabinet. As soon as he saw her at a dis-
tance, he called out, "Well, m'amie, did not I
send you excellent melons, excellent partridges,
excellent quails? If you had as good an appetite
as I, you must have done them justice, for I never
ate so much, nor for a long time have I been in
such good-humour as to-day. Ask Sully; he will
tell you the reason, and will repeat to you all the
news I have received, and the conversation that
passed between him and me, and three or four
others."
“Indeed, Sire,” answered the Queen, “ then we
are all well met to-day, for I never was more gay,
nor in better health, nor dined with better appetite.
And to prolong your joy and gladness, and mine
too, I have prepared for you a ballet and comedy
of my invention; but I will not deny that I have
been assisted, for Duret and La Clarelle have not
stirred from my side all this morning, while you
were at the chase. The ballet will represent, as
they have told me, the happiness of the golden age;
and the comedy the most amusing pastimes of the
four seasons of the year."
"M'amie," replied the King, "I am delighted
to see you in such good-humour; pray let us always
live thus. But that your ballet and comedy may
be well danced, and well seen, they must be per-
formed at Sully's, in the great hall, which I de-
sired him to build expressly for such purposes;
WALPOLIANA.
227
and he shall see that none are admitted, except
those who bring orders to that effect. At present
I wish to show you the patterns of tapestry that
Fourcy has brought, that you may tell me your
opinion."
XCIV. SWIFT.
Swift was a good writer, but had a bad heart.
Even to the last he was devoured by ambition,
which he pretended to despise. Would you be-
lieve that, after finding his opposition to the mi-
nistry fruitless, and, what galled him still more,
contemned, he summoned up resolution to wait on
Sir Robert Walpole? Sir Robert, seeing Swift
look pale and ill, inquired the state of his health,
with his usual old English good-humour and urba
nity. They were standing by a window that look-
ed into the court-yard, where was an ancient ivy
dropping towards the ground. "Sir," said Swift,
with an emphatic look, "I am like that ivy; I
want support." Sir Robert answered, "Why, then,
doctor, did you attach yourself to a falling wall ?”
Swift took the hint, made his bow, and retired.
XCV. SYMPTOMS OF INSANITY.
My poor nephew, Lord ***
*, was deranged.
The first symptom that appeared was, his sending
a chaldron of coals as a present to the Prince of
Wales, on learning that he was loaded with debts.
He delighted in what he called book-hunting. This
notable diversion consisted in taking a volume of a
book, and hiding it in some secret part of the li-
brary, among volumes of similar binding and size.
When he had forgot where the game lay, he hunt-
ed till he found it.
XCVI. TRAGEDY AND COMEDY.
The critics generally consider a tragedy as the
228
TABLE-TALK.
next effort of the mind to an epic poem. For my
part, I estimate the difficulty of writing a good
comedy to be greater than that of composing a
good tragedy. Not only equal genius is required,
but a comedy demands a more uncommon assem-
blage of qualities-knowledge of the world, wit,
good sense, &c.; and these qualities superadded
to those requisite for tragical composition.
Congreve is said to have written a comedy at
eighteen. It may be-for I cannot say that he has
any characteristic of a comic writer, except wit,
which may sparkle bright at that age. His charac-
ters are seldom genuine-and his plots are some-
times fitter for tragedy. Mr Sheridan is one of the
most perfect comic writers I know, and unites the
most uncommon qualities-his plots are sufficient-
ly deep, without the clumsy entanglement and
muddy profundity of Congreve-characters strictly
in nature-wit without affectation. What talents 1
The complete orator in the senate, or in West-
minster-hall-and the excellent dramatist in the
most difficult province of the drama!
XCVII. TIGRE NATIONAL.
After the French Revolution, Lord Orford was
particularly delighted with the story of the Tigre
National. A man who showed wild beasts at Paris
had a tiger from Bengal of the largest species,
commonly called The Royal Tiger. But when
royalty, and everything royal, was abolished, he
was afraid of a charge of incivism; and, instead of
Tigre Royal, put on his sign-board Tigre Na-
tional.
The symbol was excellent, as depicting those
atrocities which have disgraced the cause of free-
dom, as much as the massacre of St Bartholomew
WALPOLIANA.
229
did that of religion. Mob of Paris, what a debt
thou owest to humanity!
XCVIII. VALUE OF AN OATH.
A Norman was telling another a great absurdity
as a matter of fact. "You are jesting," said the
hearer. "Not I, on the faith of a Christian."-
"Will you wager?"—" No, I won't wager; but
I am ready to swear to it."
XCIX. VOLTAIRE.
Soon after I had published my "Historic Doubts
on the Reign of Richard III.," Voltaire, happening
to see and like the book, sent me a letter, men-
tioning how much the work answered his ideas
concerning the uncertainty of history, as expressed
in his Histoire Generale. He added many praises
of my book; and concluded with entreating my
amitié.
As I had, in the preface to the Castle of Otran-
to, ridiculed Voltaire's conduct towards Shak-
speare, I thought it proper first to send Voltaire
that book; and let him understand, that if, after
perusing it, he persisted in offering me his amitié,
I had no objections, but should esteem myself ho-
noured by the friendship of so great a man.
Some time after, I received, from my acquaint-
ance the Duchess of Choiseul, at Paris, a letter,
enclosing one from Voltaire to her, wherein he said
that I had sent him a book, in the preface of which
he was loaded with reproaches, and all on account
de son bouffon de Shakspeare. He stated nothing
of the real transaction, but only mentioned the
sending of the Castle of Otranto, as if this had
been the very first step.
C. PATRIOTISM OF WILKES.
Depend upon it, my dear sir, that Wilkes was
U
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in the pay of France, during the Wilkes and li-
berty days. Calling one day on the French mi-
nister, I observed a book on his table, with Wilkes's
name in the first leaf. This led to a conversation,
which convinced me. Other circumstances, too
long and minute to be repeated, strengthened, if
necessary, that conviction. I am as sure of it, as
of any fact I know.
Wilkes at first cringed to Lord Bute. The em-
bassy to Constantinople was the object of his am-
bition. It was refused-and you know what fol-
lowed.
[ 231 1
JOHNSONIANA.*
CI.
AUTHORS.
In 1745, Johnson published a pamphlet, enti-
tled, “Miscellaneous Observations on the Tragedy
of Macbeth, with remarks on Sir T. H.'s (Sir
Thomas Hanmer's) Edition of Shakspeare;" to
which he affixed proposals for a new edition of
that poet. This pamphlet was highly esteemed,
and was fortunate enough to obtain the approba-
tion even of the supercilious Warburton himself,
who, in the preface to his Shakspeare, published
two years afterwards, thus mentioned it: "As to all
those things which have been published under the
titles of Essays, Remarks, Observations, &c. on
Shakspeare, if you except some Critical Notes on
Macbeth, given as a specimen of a projected edi-
tion, and written, as appears, by a man of parts
and genius, the rest are absolutely below a serious
notice."
Of this flattering distinction shown to him by
Warburton, a very grateful remembrance was ever
entertained by Johnson, who said, "He praised
me at a time when praise was of value to me.”
The year 1747 is distinguished as the epoch
when Johnson's arduous work, his DICTIONARY
OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE, was announced to
the world by the publication of its Plan, or Pro-
* Extracted from Roswell'z Life of Johnson.
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TABLE-TALK.
spectus. The booksellers who contracted with
Johnson, single and unaided, for the execution of
a work, which, in other countries, has not been ef-
fected but by the co-operating exertions of many,
were Mr Robert Dodsley, Mr Charles Hitch, Mr
Andrew Millar, the two Messieurs Longman, and
the two Messieurs Knapton. The price stipulated
was fifteen hundred guineas.
The Plan was addressed to Philip Dormer, Earl
of Chesterfield, then one of his Majesty's principal
Secretaries of State-a nobleman who was very
ambitious of literary distinction, and who, upon
being informed of the design, had expressed him-
self in terms very favourable to its success. There
is, perhaps, in everything of any consequence, a se-
cret history, which it would be amusing to know,
could we have it authentically communicated.
Johnson told Boswell," Sir, the way in which the
plan of my Dictionary came to be inscribed to
Lord Chesterfield, was this: I had neglected to
write it by the time appointed; Dodsley suggested
a desire to have it addressed to Lord Chesterfield;
I laid hold of this as a pretext for delay, that it
might be better done, and let Dodsley have his de-
sire. I said to my friend, Dr Bathurst, Now,
if any good comes of my addressing to Lord Ches-
terfield, it will be ascribed to deep policy, when, in
fact, it was only a casual excuse for laziness.'
Dr Taylor told Boswell, that Johnson sent his
plan to him in manuscript, for his perusal; and that
when it was lying upon his table, Mr William
Whitehead happened to pay him a visit, and being
shown it, was highly pleased with such parts of it
as he had time to read, and begged to take it home
with him, which he was allowed to do; that from
JOHNSONIANA.
233
him it got into the hands of a noble lord, who car-
ried it to Lord Chesterfield. When Taylor obser-
ved that this might be an advantage, Johnson re-
plied, "No, sir, it would have come out with more
bloom, if it had not been seen before by anybody."
Dr Adams found him one day busy at his Dic-
tionary, when the following dialogue ensued :-
Adams. "This is a great work, sir: how are you
to get all the etymologies?" Johnson. "Why, sir,
here is a shelf with Junius, and Skinner, and
others; and there is a Welsh gentleman who has
published a collection of Welsh proverbs, who will
help me with the Welsh." Adams. "But, sir, how
can you do this in three years ?" Johnson. "Sir,
I have no doubt that I can do it in three years."
Adams. "But the French Academy, which con-
sists of forty members, took forty years to compile
their Dictionary." Johnson. "Sir, thus it is; this
is the proportion: let me see-forty times forty is
sixteen hundred as three to sixteen hundred, so is
the proportion of an Englishman to a Frenchman."
With so much ease and pleasantry could he talk of
that prodigious labour which he had undertaken to
execute.
When the Dictionary was upon the eve of pub-
lication, Lord Chesterfield, who, it is said, had
flattered himself with expectations that Johnson
would dedicate the work to him, attempted, in a
courtly manner, to soothe and insinuate himself
with the sage, conscious, it should seem, of the
cold indifference with which he had treated its
learned author; and farther attempted to conciliate
him, by writing two papers in The World, in re-
commendation of the work: and it must be con-
fessed, that they contain some studied compliments
U 2
234
TABLE-TALK.
so finely turned, that, if there had been no previous
offence, it is probable Johnson would have been
highly delighted. Praise, in general, was pleasing
to him; but, by praise from a man of rank and ele-
gant accomplishments, he was peculiarly gratified.
This courtly device failed of its effect. Johnson,
who thought that "all was false and hollow," de-
spised the honeyed words, and was even indignant
that Lord Chesterfield should, for a moment, ima-
gine that he could be the dupe of such an artifice.
His expression to Boswell concerning Lord Ches-
terfield, upon this occasion, was, "Sir, after ma-
king great professions, he had, for many years, ta-
ken no notice of me; but when my Dictionary was
coming out, he fell a-scribbling in The World about
it. Upon which I wrote him a letter, expressed in
civil terms, but such as might show him that I did
not mind what he said or wrote, and that I had
done with him.”
Dr Johnson appeared to have had a remarkable
delicacy with respect to the circulation of this let-
ter; for Dr Douglas, Bishop of Salisbury, inform-
ed Boswell, that, having many years ago pressed
him to be allowed to read it to the second Lord
Hardwicke, who was very desirous to hear it,
(promising at the same time that no copy of it
should be taken,) Johnson seemed much pleased
that it had attracted the attention of a nobleman of
such a respectable character; but, after pausing
some time, declined to comply with the request,
saying, with a smile, " No, sir, I have hurt the dog
too much already;" or words to this purpose.
Dr Adams expostulated with Johnson, and sug-
gested, that his not being admitted when he called
on him, to which Johnson had alluded in his letter,
JOHNSONIANA.
235
was probably not to be imputed to Lord Chester-
field; for his Lordship had declared to Dodsley,
that "he would have turned off the best servant he
ever had, if he had known that he denied him to a
man who would have been always more than wel-
come." And in confirmation of this, he insisted on
Lord Chesterfield's general affability and easiness
of access, especially to literary men. Johnson.
"Sir, that is not Lord Chesterfield; he is the
proudest man this day existing." Adams." No,
there is one person, at least, as proud; I think, by
your own account, you are the prouder man of the
two." Johnson. "But mine was defensive pride."
This, as Dr Adams well observed, was one of those
happy turns for which he was so remarkably ready.
Johnson having now explicitly avowed his opi-
nion of Lord Chesterfield, did not refrain from ex-
pressing himself concerning that nobleman with
pointed freedom. "This man," said he, " I thought
had been a lord among wits, but I find he is only
a wit among lords !" And when his letters to his
natural son were published, he observed, “They
teach the morals of a whore, and the manners of a
dancing-master."
In 1776, Boswell showed him, as a curiosity
which he had discovered, his Translation of Lobo's
Account of Abyssinia, which Sir John Pringle had
lent, it being then little known as one of his works.
He said, "Take no notice of it," or, "don't talk of
it." He seemed to think it beneath him, though
done at six-and-twenty. Boswell said to him,
"Your style, sir, is much improved since you
translated this." He answered, with a sort of tri-
umphant smile, "Sir, I hope it is."
Mr, afterwards Dr Burney, during a visit to the
236
TABLE-TALK.
capital, had an interview with him in Gough Square,
where he dined and drank tea with him, and was
introduced to the acquaintance of Mrs Williamıs.
After dinner, Dr Johnson proposed to Mr Bur-
ney to go up with him into his garret, which being
accepted, he there found five or six Greek folios, à
deal writing-desk, and a chair and a half. John-
son, giving to his guest the entire seat, tottered
himself on one with only three legs and one arm.
Here he gave Mr Burney Mrs Williams' history,
and showed him some volumes of his Shakspeare
already printed, to prove that he was in earnest.
Upon Mr Burney's opening the first volume, at the
Merchant of Venice, he observed to him, that he
seemed to be more severe on Warburton than
Theobald. Johnson. "O, poor Tib! he was
ready knocked down to my hands; Warburton
stands between me and him." Burney.
"But,
sir, you'll have Warburton upon your bones, won't
you?" Johnson. "No, sir, he'll not come out;
he'll only growl in his den." Burney. "But you
think, sir, that Warburton is a superior critic to
Theobald?" Johnson. "O, sir, he'd make two-
and-fifty Theobalds, cut into slices! The worst of
Warburton is, that he has a rage for saying some-
thing, when there's nothing to be said." Burney.
"Have you seen the letters which Warburton has
written in answer to a pamphlet addressed To the
Most Impudent Man alive?" Johnson.
“No,
sir." Burney. "It is supposed to be written by
Mallet." The controversy at this time raged bc-
tween the friends of Pope and Bolingbroke; and
Warburton and Mallet were the leaders of the sc-
veral parties. Mr Burney asked him then if he had
seen Warburton's book against Bolingbroke's Phi -
JOHNSONIANA.
237
losophy? Johnson. “No, sir, I have never read
Bolingbroke's Impiety, and therefore am not inte-
rested about its confutation."
Sir Thomas Robinson sitting with Johnson,
said, that the King of Prussia valued himself upon
three things;-upon being a hero, a musician, and
an author. Johnson. "Pretty well, sir, for one
man. As to his being an author, I have not look-
ed at his poetry; but his prose is poor stuff: he
writes just as you may suppose Voltaire's footboy
to do, who had been his amanuensis. He has
such parts as the valet might have, and about as
much of the colouring of the style as might be got
by transcribing his works." When Boswell was
at Ferney, he repeated this to Voltaire, in order to
reconcile him somewhat to Johnson, whom he, in
affecting the English mode of expression, had pre-
viously characterised as "a superstitious dog;"
but after hearing such a criticism on Frederick the
Great, with whom he was then on bad terms, he
exclaimed, “an honest fellow !"
Upon this contemptuous animadversion on the
King of Prussia, Boswell observed to Johnson, "It
would seem then, sir, that much less parts are ne-
cessary to make a king, than to make an author;
for the King of Prussia is confessedly the greatest
king now in Europe, yet you think he makes a
very poor figure as an author."
Of the celebrated Dean of St Patrick's, Johnson
said, "Swift has a higher reputation than he de-
serves. His excellence is strong sense; for his
humour, though very well, is not remarkably good.
I doubt whether the Tale of a Tub be his; for
he never owned it, and it is much above his usual
manner."
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TABLE-TALK.
(C
CC
Another time, Swift having been mentioned,
Johnson, as usual, treated him with little respect
as an author. Some of the company endeavoured
to support the dean by various arguments; one, in
particular, praised his Conduct of the Allies. John-
son. Sir, his Conduct of the Allies is a perform-
ance of very little ability." Dr Douglas. "Sure-
ly, sir, you must allow it has strong facts." John-
son. Why, yes, sir; but what is that to the me-
rit of the composition? In the Sessions-paper of
the Old Bailey there are strong facts; house-break-
ing is a strong fact; robbery is a strong fact; and
murder is a mighty strong fact: but, is great praise
due to the historian of those strong facts? No,
sir; Swift has told what he had to tell distinctly
enough; but that is all. He had to count tèn, and
he has counted it right.”—Then recollecting that
Mr Davies, by acting as an informer, had been the
'occasion of his talking somewhat too harshly to his
friend Dr Percy, for which, probably, when the
first ebullition was over, he felt some compunction
he took an opportunity to give him a hit; so add-
ed, with a preparatory laugh, Why, sir, Tom
Davies might have written the Conduct of the Al-
lies." Poor Tom being suddenly dragged into lu-
dicrous notice in presence of the Scottish doctors,
to whom he was ambitious of appearing to advan-
tage, was grievously mortified. Nor did his pu-
nishment rest here; for, upon subsequent occasions,
whenever he, "statesman all o'er," assumed a
strutting importance, Boswell used to hail him-
The author of the Conduct of the Allies.
Johnson, in high spirits one evening at the club,
attacked Swift, as he used to do upon all occa-
sions. The Tale of a Tub is so much superior to
JOHNSONIANA.
239
his other writings, that one can hardly believe he
was the author of it; there is in it such a vigour
of mind, such a swarm of thoughts, so much of
nature, and art, and life." Boswell wondered to
hear him say of Gulliver's Travels, "When once
you have thought of big men and little men, it is
very easy to do all the rest." He endeavoured to
make a stand for Swift, and tried to rouse those
who were much more able to defend him, but in
vain. Johnson, at last, of his own accord, allow-
ed very great merit to the inventory of articles
found in the pocket of "the Man Mountain," par-
ticularly the description of his watch, which it was
conjectured was his god, as he consulted it upon
all occasions. He observed, that "Swift put his
name to but two things, (after he had a name to
put,) The Plan for the improvement of the Eng-
lish language, and the last Drapier's Letter."
Johnson laughed heartily when Boswell men-
tioned to him a saying of his concerning Mr Tho-
mas Sheridan, which Foote took a wicked pleasure
to circulate. "Why, sir, Sherry is dull; natu-
rally dull: but it must have taken him a great deal
of pains to become what we now see him such
an excess of stupidity, sir, is not in nature; so I
allowed him all his own merit."
He now added, "Sheridan cannot bear me. I
bring his declamation to a point: I ask him a
plain question, 'What do you mean to teach?'
Besides, sir, what influence can Mr Sheridan have
upon the language of this great country, by his
narrow exertions? Sir, it is burning a farthing can-
dle at Dover, to show light at Calais."
Talking of a barrister who had a bad utterance,
some one, to rouse Johnson, wickedly said, that he
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was unfortunate in not having been taught oratory
by Sheridan. Johnson. "Nay, sir, if he had been
taught by Sheridan, he would have cleared the
room." Garrick. "Sheridan has too much vanity
to be a good man." We shall now see Johnson's
mode of defending a man ; taking him into his own
hands, and discriminating, Johnson. "No, sir;
there is, to be sure, in Sheridan, something to re-
prehend, and everything to laugh at; but, sir, he
is not a bad man. No, sir; were mankind to be
divided into good and bad, he would stand consi-
derably within the ranks of good; and, sir, it must
be allowed that Sheridan excels in plain declama-
tion, though he can exhibit no character."
Of this gentleman, on a subsequent occasion, he
remarked, "that he neither wanted parts nor lite-
rature; but his vanity and Quixotism obscured
his merits."
Boswell expressed his opinion of his friend Der-
rick, as but a poor writer. Johnson. "To be sure,
sir, he is; but you are to consider, that his being
a literary man has got for him all that he has; it
has made him king of Bath. Sir, he has nothing
to say for himself but that he is a writer; had he
not been a writer, he must have been sweeping the
crossings in the streets, and asking halfpence from
everybody that passed."
"In justice, however, to the memory of Mr Der-
rick," adds Boswell, "who was my first tutor in
the ways of London, and showed me the town in
all its variety of departments, both literary and sport-
ive, the particulars of which Dr Johnson advised
me to put into writing-it is proper to mention
what Johnson, at a subsequent period, said of hin,
both as a writer and an editor: Sir, I have often
JOHNSONIANA.
241
C
said, that if Derrick's letters had been written by
one of a more established name, they would have
been thought very pretty letters.' And, I sent
Derrick to Dryden's relations, to gather materials.
for his life; and I believe he got all that I myself
should have got.'
Johnson said once to Boswell," Sir, I honour
Derrick for his presence of mind. One night, when
Floyd, another poor author, was wandering about
the streets in the night, he found Derrick fast asleep
upon a bulk. Upon being suddenly waked, Der-
rick started up: My dear Floyd, I am sorry to
see you in this destitute state; will you go home
with me to my lodgings ?""
One evening, when some of Dr Kenrick's works
were mentioned, Goldsmith said he had never heard
of them; upon which Dr Johnson observed," Sir,
he is one of the many who have made themselves
public, without making themselves known."
Of Guthrie, he said, " Sir, he is a man of parts.
He has no great regular fund of knowledge; but,
by reading so long, and writing so long, he no doubt
has picked up a good deal."
He praised Signor Baretti. "His account of
Italy is a very entertaining book; and, sir, I know
no man who carries his head higher in conversation
than Baretti. There are strong powers in his mind.
He has not, indeed, many hooks; but with what
hooks he has, he grapples very forcibly."
Lord Lyttelton's Dialogues he deemed a nuga-
tory performance. "That man," said he, "sat
down to write a book, to tell the world what the
world had all his life been telling him."
Speaking of Boethius, who was the favourite
writer of the middle ages, he said it was very sur-
X
242
TABLE-TALK.
prising, "that
"that upon such a subject, and in such a
situation, he should be magis philosophus quam
Christianus."
Of the late Mr Mallet he spoke with no great
respect; said, he was ready for any dirty job; that
he had written against Byng at the instigation of
the ministry, and was equally ready to write for
him, provided he found his account in it.
Of Dr Kennicott's Collations he observed, that,
though the text should not be much mended there-
by, yet it was no small advantage to know that we
had as good a text as the most consummate indus-
try and diligence could procure.
Speaking of the old Earl of Cork and Orrery,
he said, "that man spent his life in catching at an
object (literary eminence) which he had not power
to grasp."
Of Burke he said, " It was commonly observed,
he spoke too often in parliament; but nobody could
say he did not speak well, though too frequently,
and too familiarly.”
Talking of Tacitus, Boswell hazarded an opinion,
that with all his merit for penetration, shrewdness
of judgment, and terseness of expression, he was
too compact, too much broken into hints, as it
were, and therefore too difficult to be understood.
Dr Johnson sanctioned this opinion. "Tacitus, sir,
seems to me rather to have made notes for a his-
torical work, than to have written a history."
He said, "Burnet's History of his own Times
is very entertaining: the style, indeed, is mere chit-
chat. I do not believe that Burnet intentionally
lied; but he was so much prejudiced, that he took
no pains to find out the truth. He was like a man
who resolves to regulate his time by a certain watch, -
JOHNSONIANA.
243
but will not inquire whether the watch is right or
not."
"It
Goldsmith being mentioned-Johnson,
is amazing how little Goldsmith knows: he sel-
dom comes where he is not more ignorant than any
one else." Sir Joshua Reynolds. "Yet there
is no man whose company is more liked." John-
son. "To be sure, sir, when people find a man
of the most distinguished abilities as a writer, their
inferior while he is with them, it must be highly
gratifying to them. What Goldsmith comically
says of himself, is very true-he always gets the
better when he argues alone; meaning, that he is
master of a subject in his study, and can write well
upon it; but when he comes into company, he
grows confused, and unable to talk. Take him as
a poet, his Traveller is a very fine performance; ay,
and so is his Deserted Village, were it not some-
'times too much the echo of his Traveller. Who-
ther, indeed, we take him as a poet, as a comic
writer, or as an historian-he stands in the first
class.' Boswell. "An historian! my dear sir,
you will not surely rank his compilation of the Ro-
man history with the works of other historians of
this age?" Johnson. "Why, who are before
him?" Boswell. "Hume, Robertson, Lord Lyt-
telton." Johnson. (His antipathy to the Scotch
beginning to rise.) "I have not read Hume;
but doubtless, Goldsmith's History is better than
the verbiage of Robertson, or the foppery of Dal-
rymple." Boswell. "Will you not admit the
superiority of Robertson, in whose history we
find such penetration-such painting ?" John-
son. "Sir, you must consider how that penetra-
tion and that painting are employed; it is not his-
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tory, it is imagination. He who describes what
he never saw, draws from fancy. Robertson paints
minds, as Sir Joshua paints faces in a history piece;
he imagines an heroic countenance. You must look
upon Robertson's work as romance, and try it by
that standard history it is not. Besides, sir, it is
the great excellence of a writer to put into his book
as much as his book will hold. Goldsmith has done
this in his history. Now, Robertson might have
put twice as much into his book. Robertson
like a man who has packed gold in wool; the wool
takes up more room than the gold. No, sir; I al-
ways thought Robertson would be crushed by his
own weight-would be buried under his own or-
naments. Goldsmith tells you shortly all you want
to know: Robertson detains you a deal too long.
No man will read Robertson's cumbrous detail a
second time; but Goldsmith's plain narrative will
please again and again. I would say to Robertson
what an old tutor of a college said to one of his
pupils: Read over your compositions; and when-
ever you meet with a passage which you think
particularly fine, strike it out.' Goldsmith's abridge-
ment is better than that of Lucius Florus, or Eu-
tropius; and I will venture to say, that if you com-
pare him with Vertot, in the same places of the
Roman History, you will find that he excels Ver-
tot. Sir, he has the art of compiling, and of say-
ing everything he has to say in a pleasing manner.
He is now writing a Natural History, and will
make it as entertaining as a Persian Tale."
is
Boswell adds, "I cannot dismiss the present
topic without observing, that it is probable that Dr
Johnson, who owned that he often talked for vic-
tory,' rather urged plausible objections to Dr Ro-
JOHNSONIANA.
245
bertson's excellent historical works, in the ardour
of contest, than expressed his real and decided opi-
nion; for it is not easy to suppose that he should
so widely differ from the rest of the literary world."
Johnson praised John Bunyan highly. "His Pil-
grim's Progress has great merit both for invention,
imagination, and the conduct of the story; and it
has had the best evidence of its merit, the general
and continued approbation of mankind: few books,
I believe, have had a more extensive sale. It is
remarkable, that it begins very much like the poem
of Dante; yet there was no translation of Dante
when Bunyan wrote. There is reason to think
´that he had read Spenser."
He
Some of the company expressed a wonder, why
the author of so excellent a book as the Whole
Duty of Man should conceal himself. Johnson.
"There may be different reasons assigned for this,
any one of which would be very sufficient.
may have been a clergyman, and may have thought
that his religious counsels would have less weight
when known to come from a man whose profession
was theology. He may have been a man whose
practice was not suitable to his principles; so that
his character might injure the effect. of his book,
which he had written in a season of penitence. Or,
he may have been a man of rigid self-denial; so that
he would have no reward for his pious labours
while in this world, but refer it all to a future
state."
He talked of Isaac Walton's Lives, which was
one of his most favourite books: Dr Donne's Life,
he said, was the most perfect of them. He ob-
served, that "it was wonderful that Walton, who
was in a very low situation in life, should have been
X 2
246
TABLE-TALK.
familiarly received by so many great men, and that
at a time when the ranks of society were kept more
separate than they are now."
Johnson praised the Spectator, particularly the
character of Sir Roger de Coverley. He said, "Sir
Roger did not die a violent death, as has generally
been fancied he was not killed; he died only be-
cause others were to die, and because his death af-
forded an opportunity to Addison of some very fine
writing. We have the example of Cervantes making
Don Quixote die. I never could see why Sir Roger
is represented as a little cracked. It appears to me,
that the story of the widow was intended to have
something superinduced upon it; but the super-
structure did not come.
??
Talking of the eminent writers in Queen Anne's
reign, he observed, "I think Dr Arbuthnot the
first man among them: he was the most universal
genius; being an excellent physician, a man of deep
learning, and a man of much humour. Mr Addison
was, to be sure, a great man: his learning was not
profound; but his morality, his humour, and his
elegance of writing, set him very high.-Addi-
son wrote Budgell's papers in the Spectator, at
least mended them so much, that he made them
almost his own; and Draper, Tonson's partner, as-
sured Mrs Johnson, that the much admired epi-
logue to the Distressed Mother, which came out
in Budgell's name, was in reality written by Addi-
son."
He recommended Dr Cheyne's books. Boswell
said, he thought Cheyne had been reckoned whim-
sical. Johnson. "So he was in some things; but
there is no end of objections. There are few books
to which some objection or other may not be made."
JOHNSONIANA.
247
He added, "I would not have you read anything
else of Cheyne, but his book on Health, and his
English Malady."
Fielding being mentioned, Johnson exclaimed,
"He was a blockhead:" and, upon Boswell's ex-
pressing his astonishment at so strange an assertion,
he said, "What I mean by being a blockhead is,
that he was a barren rascal." Boswell. " Will
you not allow, sir, that he draws very natural pic-
tures of human life ?" Johnson. " Why, sir, it is
of very low life. Richardson used to say, that had
he not known who Fielding was, he should have
believed he was an ostler. Sir, there is more know-
ledge of the heart in one letter of Richardson's,
than in all Tom Jones. I, indeed, never read Jo-
seph Andrews." Erskine. Surely, sir, Rich-
ardson is very tedious." Johnson. "Why, sir,
if you were to read Richardson for the story, your
impatience would be so much fretted, that you
would hang yourself: but you must read him for
the sentiment, and consider the story as only giving
occasion to the sentiment."
(6
A book of travels lately published under the title
of Coriat Junior, and written by Mr Paterson, was
mentioned. Johnson said, this book was in imita-
tion of Sterne, and not of Coriat, whose name Pa-
terson had chosen as a whimsical one. " Tom
Coriat," said he, "was a humourist about the court
of James the First. He had a mixture of learning,
of wit, and of buffoonery. He first travelled through
Europe, and published his travels: he afterwards.
travelled on foot through Asia, and had made many
remarks; but he died at Mandoa, and his remarks
were lost."
Talking of the Irish clergy, he said, "Swift was
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a man of great parts, and the instrument of much
good to his country; Berkeley was a profound scho-
lar, as well as a man of fine imagination; but Usher
was the great luminary of the Irish church; and a
greater no church could boast of, at least in modern
times."
Speaking of Mr Harte, canon of Windsor, and
writer of the History of Gustavus Adolphus, he
much commended him as a scholar, and a man of
the most companionable talents he had ever known.
He said, the defects in his history proceeded not
from imbecility, but from foppery.
He loved, he said, the old black-letter books;
they were rich in matter, though their style was
inelegant; wonderfully so, considering how con-
versant the writers were with the best models of
antiquity.
Burton's Anatomy of Melancholy, he said, was
the only book that ever took him out of bed two
hours sooner than he wished to rise.
He frequently exhorted Dr Maxwell to set about
writing a history of Ireland, and archly remarked,
there had been some good Irish writers, and that
one Irishman might at least aspire to be equal to
another.
Of Dr John Campbell, the author, he said, "He
is a very inquisitive and a very able man, and a man
of good religious principles, though I am afraid he
has been deficient in practice. Campbell is radi-
cally right; and we may hope that in time there
will be good practice."
He owned, that he thought Hawkesworth was
one of his imitators, but he did not think Goldsmith
"Goldsmith," he said, "has great merit."
But, sir, he is much indebted to you

was.
Boswell. (C
JOHNSONIANA.
249
for his getting so high in the public estimation."
Johnson. "Why, sir, he has, perhaps, got sooner
to it by his intimacy with me.
"
CII. DRAMA.
The Beggar's Opera, and the common question,
whether it was pernicious in its effects, having been
introduced into conversation;-Johnson. "As to
this matter, which has been very much contested,
I myself am of opinion, that more influence has
been ascribed to The Beggar's Opera, than it, in
reality, ever had; for I do not believe, that any
man was ever made a rogue by being present at its
representation. At the same time, I do not deny,
that it may have some influence, by making the
character of a rogue familiar, and in some degree
pleasing." Then, collecting himself, as it were, to
give a heavy stroke-" There is in it such a labe-
factation of all principles, as may be injurious to
morality."
While he pronounced this response, the compa-
ny sat in a comical sort of restraint, smothering a
laugh which they were afraid might burst out. In
his life of Gay, he has been still more decisive as to
the inefficiency of the Beggar's Opera in corrupting
society. Yet, the gaiety and heroism of Macheath
are very captivating to a youthful imagination;
while the arguments for adventurous depredation
are so plausible, the allusions so lively, and the con-
trasts with the ordinary and more painful modes of
acquiring property are so artfully displayed, that it
requires a cool and strong judgment to resist so im-
posing an aggregate. Still there is in it so much
of real London life, so much brilliant wit, and such
a variety of airs, which, from early association of
ideas, engage, soothe, and enliven the mind, that it
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will always give pleasure on the stage; and it con-
tains so many sound, moral suggestions, that it may
be found an improving, as well as agreeable com-
panion in the closet.
The late "worthy" Duke of Queensberry, as
Thomson, in his Seasons, justly characterises him,
told Boswell, that when Gay showed him the Beg-
gar's Opera, his Grace's observation was, "This is
a very odd thing, Gay; I am satisfied that it is either
a very good thing or a very bad thing." It proved
the former, beyond the warmest expectations of the
author or his friends. Mr Cambridge, however,
mentioned, that there was good reason enough to
doubt concerning its success. He was told by Quin,
that during the first night of its appearance it was
long in a very dubious state; that there was a dis-
position to damn it, and that it was saved by the
song,
O, ponder well! be not severe !
the audience being much affected by the innocent
looks of Polly, when she came to those two lines,
which exhibit at once a painful and ridiculous
image,
For on the rope that hangs my dear,
Depends poor Polly's life.
Quin himself had so bad an opinion of it, that he
refused the part of Captain Macheath; and gave it
to Walker, who acquired great celebrity by his grave,
yet animated performance of it.
Boswell mentioned Mallet's tragedy of Elvira,
which had been acted the preceding winter at Drury-
Jane, and that the honourable Andrew Erskine, Mr
:
JOHNSONIANA.
251
!
Dempster, and self, had joined in writing a pam-
phlet entitled, Critical Strictures, against it; that the
mildness of Dempster's disposition had, however,
relented; and he had candidly said, "We have.
hardly a right to abuse this tragedy; for, bad as it
is, how vain should either of us be, to write one not
near as good!" Jolinson. "Why, no, sir; this is
not just reasoning. You may abuse a tragedy,
though you cannot write one. You may scold a
carpenter who has made you a bad table, though you
cannot make a table. It is not your trade to make
tables."
Boswell introduced Aristotle's doctrine in his Art
of Poetry, of the καθαρσις των παθημάτων, the
purging of the passions," as the purpose of tragedy.
"But, how are the passions to be purged by terror
and pity?" (said he, with an assumed air of igno-
rance, to incite Johnson to talk, for which it was
often necessary to employ some address.) Johnson.
Why, sir, you are to consider what is the mean-
ing of purging in the original sense. It is to expel
impurities from the human body. The mind is sub-
ject to the same imperfection. The passions are the
great movers of human actions; but they are mixed
with such impurities, that it is necessary they should
be purged or refined, by means of terror and pity.
For instance, ambition is a noble passion; but, by
seeing upon the stage, that a man who is so exces-
sively ambitious as to raise himself by injustice, is
punished, we are terrified at the fatal consequences
of such a passion. In the same manner, a certain
degree of resentment is necessary; but if we see that
a man carries it too far, we pity the object of it, and
are taught to moderate that passion.
Boswell observed the great defect of the tragedy
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of Othello was, that it had not a moral; for that no
man could resist the circumstances of suspicion
which were artfully suggested to Othello's mind.
Johnson. "In the first place, sir, we learn from
Othello this very useful moral; not to make an un-
equal match: in the second place, we learn not to
yield too readily to suspicion. The handkerchief is
merely a trick, though a very pretty trick: but
there are no other circumstances of reasonable sus-
picion, except what is related by Iago of Cassio's
warm expressions concerning Desdemona in his
sleep; and that depended entirely upon the asser-
tion of one man. No, sir, I think Othello has more
moral than almost any play."
When Garrick was vested with theatrical power
by being manager of Drury-lane theatre, he kindly
and generously made use of it to bring out Johnson's
tragedy, which had long been kept back for want of
encouragement: but in this benevolent purpose he
met with no small difficulty from the temper of
Johnson, which could not brook that a drama, which
he had formed with much study, and had been
obliged to keep more than the nine years of Horace,
should be revised and altered at the pleasure of an
actor. Yet Garrick knew well, that without some
alterations, it would not be fit for the stage. A vio-
lent dispute having ensued between them, Garrick
applied to the Reverend Dr Taylor to interpose.
Johnson was at first very obstinate. "Sir," said
he," the fellow wants me to make Mahomet run
mad, that he may have an opportunity of tossing his
hands, and kicking his heels." He was, however,
at last, with difficulty, prevailed on to comply with
Garrick's wishes, so as to allow of some changes;
but still there were not enough.
JOHNSONIANA.
253
When asked how he felt upon the ill success of his
tragedy, he replied, "Like the Monument;" mean-
ing that he continued firm and unmoved as that co-
lumn. And let it be remembered, as an admonition
to the genus irritabile of dramatic writers, that this
great man, instead of peevishly complaining of the
bad taste of the town, submitted to its decision.
without a murmur. He had, indeed, upon all occa-
sions, a great deference for the general opinion :
"A man," said he, "who writes a book, thinks
himself wiser or wittier than the rest of mankind;
he supposes that he can instruct or amuse them;
and the public, to whom he appeals, must, after all,
be the judges of his pretensions."
Boswell." Foote has a great deal of humour."
Johnson. "Yes, sir." Boswell. "He has a sin-
gular talent of exhibiting character." Johnson.
"Sir, it is not a talent, it is a vice; it is what others
abstain from. It is not comedy, which exhibits the
character of a species, as that of a miser gathered
from many misers; it is farce, which exhibits indi-
viduals." Boswell. "Did not he think of exhi-
biting you, sir?” Johnson." Sir, fear restrained
:
him he knew I would have broken his bones. I
would have saved him the trouble of cutting off a
leg; I would not have left him a leg to cut off.”
Boswell. " Pray, sir, is not Foote an infidel?"
Johnson. "I do not know, sir, that the fellow is an
infidel; but, if he be an infidel, he is an infidel as a
dog is an infidel; that is to say, he has never
thought upon the subject." Boswell. "i suppose,
sir, he has thought superficially, and seized the first
notions which occurred to his mind." Johnson.
Why then, sir, still he is like a dog, that snatches
the piece next him. Did you never observe that dogs
Y
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have not the power of comparing? A dog will take
a small bit of meat as readily as a large, when both
are before him."
Boswell found fault with Foote for indulging his
talent of ridicule at the expense of his visitors,
which he colloquially termed making fools of his
company. Johnson. "Why, sir, when you go to.
see Foote, you do not go to see a saint: you go to
see a man, who will be entertained at your house,
and then bring you on a public stage; who will
entertain you at his house for the purpose of bring-
ing you on a public stage. Sir, he does not make
fools of his company; they whom he exposes are
fools already; he only brings them into action."
Speaking of Arthur Murphy, whom he very much
loved, "I don't know," said he, "that Arthur can.
be classed with the very first dramatic writers; yet.
at present I doubt much whether we have anything
superior to Arthur.”
It being mentioned, that Garrick assisted Dr
Brown, the author of The Estimate, in some dra-
matic composition; " No, sir," said Johnson; "he
would no more suffer Garrick to write a line in his
play, than he would suffer him to mount his pulpit."
Dr Goldsmith's new play, She Stoops to Con-
quer, being mentioned-Johnson. “ I know of no
comedy, for many years, that has so much exhila-
rated an audience-that has answered so much the
great end of comedy-making an audience merry."
Goldsmith having said, that Garrick's compliment
to the Queen, which he introduced into the play of
The Chances, which he had altered and revised this
year, was mean and gross flattery-Johnson. "Why,
sir, I would not write, I would not give solemnly
under my hand, a character beyond what I thought
JOHNSONIANA.
255
C
really true; but a speech on the stage, let it flatter
ever so extravagantly, is formular. It has always
been formular to flatter kings and queens; so much
so, that even in our church-service, we have our
most religious king' used indiscriminately, whoever
is king. Nay, they even flatter themselves :-' we
have been graciously pleased to grant.'-No mo-
dern flattery, however, is so gross as that of the
Augustan age, where the emperor was deified.
• Præsens Divus habebitur Augustus.' And as to
meanness, (rising into warmth,) how is it mean in
a player,—a showman,-a fellow who exhibits him-
self for a shilling-to flatter his queen? The at-
tempt, indeed, was dangerous; for if it had missed,
what became of Garrick, and what became of the
Queen? As Sir William Temple says of a great
general, it is necessary not only that his designs
be formed in a masterly manner, but that they should
be attended with success. Sir, it is right, at a time
when the royal family is not generally liked, to
let it be seen that the people like at least one of
them."
Talking on prologue-writing, he observed, "Dry-
den has written prologues superior to any that
David Garrick has written; but David Garrick has
written more good prologues than Dryden has
done. It is wonderful, that he has been able to
write such variety of them."
·
Boswell observing that Garrick, who was about
to quit the stage, would soon have an easier life-
Johnson. "I doubt that, sir." Boswell. “ Why,
sir, he will be Atlas with the burden off his back.'
Johnson. "But I know not, sir, if he will be so
steady without his load. However, he should never
play any more, but be entirely the gentleman, and
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not partly the player: he should no longer subject
himself to be hissed by a mob, or to be insolently
treated by performers whom he used to rule with
a high hand, and who would gladly retaliate."
Boswell. "I think he should play once a-year for
the benefit of decayed actors, as it has been said he
means to do." Johnson. "Alas, sir! he will soon
be a decayed actor himself."
Boswell mentioned his having introduced to Mr
Garrick Count Neni, a Flemish nobleman of great
rank and fortune, to whom Garrick talked of Abel
Drugger as a small part; and related, with pleasant
vanity, that a Frenchman, who had seen him in
one of his low characters, exclaimed, “Comment!
je ne le crois pas. Ce n'est pas Monsieur Garrick,
ce grand homme!" Garrick added, with an ap-
pearance of grave recollection, "If I were to begin
life again, I think, I should not play those low cha-
racters." Upon which Boswell observed, "Sir,
you would be in the wrong; for your great excel-
lence is your variety of playing-your representing
so well characters so very different." Johnson.
"Garrick, sir, was not in earnest in what he said;
for, to be sure, his peculiar excellence is his va-
riety; and perhaps there is not any one character,
which has not been as well acted by somebody else,
as he could do it." Boswell." Why, then, sir, did
he talk so?" Johnson. " Why, sir, to make you
answer as you did." Boswell. "I don't know, sir;
he seemed to dip deep into his mind for the re-
flection." Johnson. "He had not far to dip, sir;
he had said the same thing, probably, twenty times
before."
"Garrick," he observed, "does not play the
part of Archer, in The Beaux Stratagem, well.
j
JOHNSONIANA.
25'7
The gentleman should break out through the foot-
man, which is not the case as he does it."
Mrs Pritchard being mentioned, he said, “Her
playing was quite mechanical. It is wonderful how
little mind she had. Sir, she had never read the
tragedy of Macbeth all through. She no more
thought of the play out of which her part was ta-
ken, than a shoemaker thinks of the skin out of
which he makes shoes.”
He thus gave his opinion upon the merits of
some of the principal performers, whom he remem-
bered to have seen upon the stage.
"Mrs Porter,
in the vehemence of rage, and Mrs Clive, in the
sprightliness of humour, I have never seen equalled.
What Clive did best, she did better than Garrick ;
but she could not do half so many things well; she
was a better romp than any I ever saw in nature.
Pritchard, in common life, was a vulgar idiot; she
would talk of her gownnd; but when she appear-
ed upon the stage, seemed to be inspired by gen-
tility and understanding. I once talked with Col-
ley Cibber, and thought him ignorant of the prin-
ciples of his art. Garrick, madam, was no de-
claimer: there was not one of his own scene-shift-
ers who could not have spoken, To be, or not to be,
better than he did; yet he was the only actor I ever
saw, whom I could call a master both in tragedy
and comedy, though I liked him best in comedy.
A true conception of character, and natural ex-
pression of it, were his distinguished excellences."
Having expatiated with his usual force and elo-
quence on Mr Garrick's extraordinary eminence
as an actor, he concluded with this compliment to
his social talents :-" And after all, madam, I
Y 2
258
TABLE-TALK.
thought him less to be envied on the stage than at
the head of a table."
Johnson, indeed, had thought more upon the
subject of acting than might be generally suppo-
sed. Talking of it one day to Mr Kemble, he
said, "Are you, sir, one of those enthusiasts who
believe yourself transformed into the very charac-
ter you represent ?" Upon Mr Kemble's answer-
ing, that he had never felt so strong a persuasion
himself: To be sure not, sir," said Johnson;
"the thing is impossible. And if Garrick really
believed himself to be that monster, Richard the
Third, he deserved to be hanged every time he per-
formed it."
Sir Joshua Reynolds. "I do not perceive why
the profession of a player should be despised; for
the great and ultimate end of all the employ-
ments of mankind is to produce amusement. Gar-
rick produces more amusement than anybody."
Boswell. "You say, Dr Johnson, that Garrick
exhibits himself for a shilling; in this respect he is
only on a footing with a lawyer, who exhibits him-
self for his fee, and even will maintain any non-
sense or absurdity, if the case require it. Gar-
rick refuses a play, or a part which he does not
like a lawyer never refuses." Johnson." Why,
sir, what does this prove? only that a lawyer is
worse. Boswell is now like Jack in the Tale of a
Tub, who, when he is puzzled by an argument,
hangs himself. He thinks I shall cut him down,
but I'll let him hang." (Laughing vociferously.)
Sir Joshua Reynolds. "Mr Boswell thinks, that
the profession of a lawyer being unquestionably
honourable, if he can show the profession of a
JOHNSONIANA.
259
player to be more honourable, he proves his argu-
ment."
CIII. BON MOTS.
When Dr Johnson had finished some part of
his tragedy of Irene, he read what he had done to
Mr Walmsley, who objected to his having already
brought his heroine into great distress; and asked
him, "How can you possibly contrive to plunge
her into deeper calamity ?" Johnson, in sly allu-
sion to the supposed oppressive proceedings of the
court of which Mr Walmsley was registrar, replied,
"Sir, I can put her into the Spiritual Court!"
Soon after Edwards's Canons of Criticism came
out, Johnson was dining at Tonson the bookseller's,
with Hayman the painter, and some more com-
pany. Hayman related to Sir Joshua Reynolds,
that the conversation having turned upon Edwards's
book, the gentlemen praised it much, and Johnson
allowed its merit but when they went farther,
and appeared to put that author upon a level with
Warburton, "Nay," said Johnson," he has given
him some smart hits to be sure; but there is no
proportion between the two men; they must not
be named together. A fly, sir, may sting a stately
horse, and make him wince; but one is but an in-
sect, and the other is a horse still."
On the 6th of March, 1754, came out Lord Bo-
lingbroke's works, published by Mr David Mallet.
Johnson, hearing of their tendency, was roused
with a just indignation, and pronounced this me-
morable sentence upon the noble author and his
editor: "Sir, he was a scoundrel and a coward;
a scoundrel, for charging a blunderbuss against re-
ligion and morality; a coward, because he had not
resolution to fire it off himself, but left half-a-crown
260
TABLE-TALK.
to a beggarly Scotchman to draw the trigger after
his death!"
“One day,” says Boswell," he read to us a dis-
sertation which he was preparing for the press, en-
titled, A History and Chronology of the Fabulous
Ages. Some old divinities of Thrace, related to
the Titans, and called the Cabiri, made a very im-
portant part of the theory of this piece; and in a
conversation afterwards, Mr Wise talked much of
his Cabiri. As we returned to Oxford in the even-
ing, I out-walked Johnson, and he cried out, Suf-
flamina, a Latin word which came from his mouth
with peculiar grace, and was as much as to say,
Put on your drag-chain. Before we got home,
I again walked too fast for him; and he now cried
out, Why, you walk as if you were pursued by
all the Cabiri in a body.'
C
re
C
66
When the messenger, who carried the last sheet
of Johnson's Dictionary to Millar, returned, Jobu-
son asked him, " Well, what did he say ?”—“ Sir!”
answered the messenger," he said, ‹ thank God, I
have done with him.' "I am glad,” replied John-
son, with a smile, " that he thanks God for any-
thing."
At a gentleman's seat in the west of England,
in order to amuse him till dinner should be ready,
he was taken out to walk in the garden. The mas-
ter of the house, thinking it proper to introduce
something scientific into the conversation, address-
ed him thus: "Are you a botanist, Dr Johnson ?"
-“No, sir,” answered Johnson, “ I am not a bo-
tanist; and, (alluding, no doubt, to his near-sight-
edness,) should I wish to become a botanist, I must
first turn myself into a reptile."
When Mr Davies first introduced Boswell to
JOHNSONIANA.
261
""
Johnson, he was much agitated; and, recollecting
his prejudice against the Scotch, of which he had
heard much, said to Davies, " Don't tell where I
come from.' "From Scotland," cried Davies,
roguishly. "Mr Johnson," said Boswell, “ I do
indeed come from Scotland, but I can't help it."
To which Johnson replied, " That, sir, I find, 18
what a great many of your countrymen cannot
help."
Mr Ogilvie was unlucky enough to choose for
the topic of his conversation the praises of his na-
tive country. He began with saying, that there
was very rich land around Edinburgh. Goldsmith,
who had studied physic there, contradicted this
very untruly, with a sneering laugh. Disconcert-
ed a little by this, Mr Ogilvie then took a new
ground, where he probably thought himself per-
fectly safe; for he observed, that Scotland had a
great many noble wild prospects. Johnson.
" I
believe, sir, you have a great many; Norway, too,
has noble wild prospects; and Lapland is remark-
able for prodigious noble wild prospects; but, sir,
let me tell you, the noblest prospect which a Scotch-
man ever sees, is the high-road that leads him to
England."
Johnson said he had lately been a long while at
Litchfield, but had grown very weary before he left
it. Boswell. "I wonder at that, sir; it is your
native place." Johnson. Why, so is Scotland
your native place."
66
An essay, written by Mr Deane, a divine of the
church of England, maintaining the future life of
brutes, by an explication of certain parts of the
Scriptures, was mentioned, and the doctrine insist-
ed on by a gentleman, who seemed fond of curious
262
·´TABLE-TALK.
speculation. Johnson, who did not like to hear of
anything concerning a future state, which was not
authorized by the regular canons of orthodoxy, dis-
couraged this talk; and being offended at its con-
tinuation, he watched an opportunity to give the
gentleman a blow of reprehension. So, when the
poor speculatist, with a serious metaphysical pen-
sive face, addressed him, "But really, sir, when
we see a very sensible dog, we don't know what
tỏ think of him,”—Johnson, rolling with joy at the
thought which beamed in his eye, turned quickly
round, and replied, " True, sir; and when we see
a very foolish fellow, we don't know what to think
of him." He then rose up, strode to the fire, and
stood for some time laughing and exulting.
"The late Alexander, Earl of Eglintoune," says
Boswell," who loved wit more than wine, and
men of genius more than sycophants, had a great
admiration of Johnson; but, from the remarkable
elegance of his own manners, was, perhaps, too de-
licately sensible of the roughness which sometimes
appeared in Johnson's behaviour. One evening,
when his lordship did me the honour to sup at my
lodgings, with Dr Robertson, and several other men
of literary distinction, he regretted that Johnson
had not been educated with more refinement, and
lived more in polished society. No, no, my lord,'
said Signor Baretti, do with him what you would,
he would always have been a bear.'—' True,' an-
swered the Earl with a smile, but he would have
been a dancing bear.'
C
(
"To obviate all the reflections which have gone
round to Johnson's prejudice, by applying to him
the epithet of bear, let me impress upon my read-
ers a just and happy saying of my friend Gold-
JOHNSONIANA.
263
smith, who knew him well: ‘Johnson, to he sure,
has a roughness in his manner, but no man alive
has a more tender heart: he has nothing of the bear
but his skin."
Goldsmith, to divert the tedious minutes, while
waiting for one of the gucoto at a dinuci-party.
strutted about, bragging of his dress, and appeared
seriously vain of it (for his mind was wonderfully
prone to such expressions): "Come, come," said
Garrick, "talk no more of that you are, perhaps,
the worst-eb, eh!" Goldsmith was eagerly at-
tempting to interrupt him, when Garrick went on,
laughing ironically, "Nay, you will always look
like a gentleman; but I am talking of being well
or ill dressed."- "Well, let me tell you," said
Goldsmith," when my tailor brought home my
blossom-coloured coat, he said, ‹ Sir, I have a fa-
vour to beg of you :- when anybody asks you who
made your clothes, be pleased to mention John
Filby, at the Harrow, in Water-lane." Johnson.
“Why, sir, that was because he knew the strange
colour would attract crowds to gaze at it, and thus
they might hear of him, and see how well he could.
make a coat even of so absurd a colour."
One day, at Sir Joshua's table, when it was re-
lated that Mrs Montague, in an excess of compli-.
ment to the author of a modern tragedy, had ex-
claimed, “I tremble for Shakspeare;" Johnson-
said, "When Shakspeare has got ***** for his ri-
val, and Mrs Montague for his defender, he is in a
poor state indeed."
Speaking of Mr Hanway, who published An
Eight Days' Journey from London to Portsmouth,
"Jonas," said he, "acquired some reputation by
•

264
TABLE-TALK.
travelling abroad, but lost it all by travelling at
home."
Somebody observing that the Scotch Highland-
ers, in the year 1745, had made surprising efforts,
considering their numerous wants and disadvan-
tages - Yes, oil," said he,
merous; but you have not mentioned the greatest
of them all the want of law."
"their wants were nu-
Being asked by a young nobleman, what was be-
come of the gallantry and military spirit of the old
English nobility, he replied, "Why, my lord, I'll
tell you what has become of it; it is gone into the
city to look for a fortune."
Speaking of a dull tiresome fellow, whom he
chanced to meet, he said, “That fellow seems to
me to possess but one idea, and that is a wrong
one."
A gentleman having, to some of the usual argu-
ments for drinking, added this: "You know, sir,
drinking drives away care, and makes us forget
whatever is disagreeable; would not you allow a
man to drink for that reason ?" Johnson. "Yes,
sir, if he sat next you."
Johnson. "I remember once being with Gold-
smith in Westminster abbey. While we surveyed
the Poets' Corner, I said to him, from Ovid,
Forsitan et nostrum nomen miscebitur istis.
When we got to Temple-bar, he stopped me, point-
ed to the heads upon it, and slyly whispered me,
Forsitan et nostrum nomen miscebitur istis."
"At the Literary Club," says Boswell, " before
Johnson came in, we talked of his Journey to the
Western Islands, and of his coming away willing
to believe the second sight,' which seemed to ex-
(
JOHNSONIANA.
265
cite some ridicule. I was then so impressed with
the truth of many of the stories which I had been
told, that I avowed my conviction, saying, He
is only willing to believe-I do believe; the evi-
dence is enough for me, though not for his great
mind. What will not fill a quart bottle will fill a
pint bottle; I am filled with belief.'—' Are you?'
said Colman; then cork it up.'"
Johnson having gone to Mrs Abington's benefit,
at supper, one of the company attempted, with too
much forwardness, to rally him on his late appear-
ance at the theatre; but had reason to repent of
his temerity. "Why, sir, did you go to Mrs Ab-
ington's benefit? Did you see?" Johnson. “No,
sir.' "Did you hear?" Johnson. "No, sir.'
te
""
Why, then, sir, did you go?" Johnson. "Be-
cause, sir, she is a favourite of the public; and
when the public cares the thousandth part for you
that it does for her, I will go to your benefit too.”
Dr Burney having remarked, that Mr Garrick
was beginning to look old, Johnson said, "Why,
sir, you are not to wonder at that; no man's face
has had more wear and tear."
Johnson censured Gwyn for taking down a
church, which might have stood many years, and
building a new one at a different place, for no other
reason, but that there might be a direct road to a
new bridge; and his expression was, " You are
taking a church out of the way, that the people
may go in a straight line to the bridge." Gwyn.
"No, sir; I am putting the church in the way,
that the people may not go out of the way." John-
son. (with a hearty loud laugh of approbation)
Speak no more; rest your colloquial fame upon
this."
CC
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266
TABLE-TALK.
Being by no means pleased with their inn at
Bristol, Boswell said, "Let us see now how we
should describe it." Johnson was ready with his
raillery. "Describe it, sir? Why, it was so bad,
that Boswell wished to be in Scotland !"
In the autumn of 1783, he received a visit from
the celebrated Mrs Siddons. When she came into
the room, there happened to be no chair ready for
her, which he observing, said, with a smile, “ Ma-
dam, you, who so often occasion a want of seats to
other people, will the more easily excuse the want
of one yourself.”
Dr Johnson said to Miss Hannah More, who
had expressed a wonder, that the poet who had
written Paradise Lost, should write such poor son-
nets: “ Milton, madam, was a genius that could
cut a Colossus from a rock, but could not carve
heads upon cherry-stones."
Boswell told him, that David Hume had made
a short collection of Scotticisms. "I wonder,"
said Johnson," that he should find them."
CIV. LANGUAGE.
Sir Joshua Reynolds once asked Johnson by
what means he had attained his extraordinary ac-
curacy and flow of language. He told him, that
he had early laid it down as a fixed rule to do his
best on every occasion, and in every company; to
impart whatever he knew in the most forcible lan-
guage he could put it into: and that by constant
practice, and never suffering any careless expres-
sions to escape him, or attempting to deliver his
thoughts without arranging them in the clearest
manner, it became habitual to him.
When Johnson showed Boswell a proof-sheet of
the character of Addison, in which he so highly ex-
JOHNSONIANA.
267
tols his style, Boswell could not help observing,
that it had not been his own model, as no two
styles could differ more from each other. John-
son.
"Sir, Addison had his style, and I have
mine." When he ventured to ask him, whether
the difference did not consist in this, that Addi-
son's style was full of idioms, colloquial phrases,
and proverbs; and his own more strictly gramma-
tical, and free from such phraseology and modes
of speech as can never be literally translated or
understood by foreigners; he allowed the discri-
mination to be just.
Talking of Hume's style: Johnson. "Why,
sir, his style is not English; the structure of his
sentences is French. Now the French structure
and the English structure may, in the nature of
things, be equally good; but if you allow that the
English language is established, he is wrong. My
name might originally have been Nicholson, as well
as Johnson; but were you to call me Nicholson
now, you would call me very absurdly."
In 1769, Boswell presented Dr Johnson to Ge-
neral Paoli. They met with a manly ease, mutu-
ally conscious of their own abilities. The General
spoke Italian, and Dr Johnson English, and un-
derstood one another very well, with a little of in-
terpretation from Boswell, in which he compared
himself to an isthmus, which joins two great con-
tinents. Upon Johnson's approach, the General
said, "From what I have read of your works, sir,
and from what Mr Boswell has told me of you, I.
have long held you in great veneration." The Ge-
neral talked of languages being formed on the par-
ticular notions and manners of a people, without
knowing which, we cannot know the language.
268
TABLE-TALK.
We may know the direct signification of single
words; but by these no beauty of expression, no
sally of genius, no wit is conveyed to the mind.
All this must be by allusion to other ideas. John-
son. "Sir, you talk of language as if you had
never done anything else but study it, instead of
governing a nation. Paoli. "Questo e un trop-
po gran complimento. This is too great a compli-
ment." Johnson. "I should have thought so, if
had not heard you talk.”
Johnson advised Boswell to complete a Dic-
tionary of words peculiar to Scotland, of which he
had shown him a specimen. "Sir," said he, "Ray
has made a collection of north-country words; by
collecting those of your country, you will do a
useful thing towards the history of the language."
Talking of language, Johnson observed, that
Leibnitz had made some progress in a work tra-
cing all languages up to the Hebrew. "Why,
sir," said he, " you would not imagine that the
French jour, day, is derived from the Latin dies,
and yet nothing is more certain; and the interme-
diate steps are very clear. From dies comes di-
urnus; diu is, by inaccurate ears, or inaccurate
pronunciation, easily confounded with giu; then
the Italians form a substantive of the ablative of
an adjective, and thence giurno, or, as they make
it, giorno; which is readily contracted into giour,
or jour." He observed that the Bohemian lan-
guage was true Sclavonic. Mr Kristrom, a Swede,
said it had some similarity with the German.
Johnson. "Why, sir, to be sure, such parts of
Sclavonia as confine with Germany will borrow
German words; and such parts as confine with
Tartary will borrow Tartar words."
JOHNSONIANA.
269
He said, he never had it properly ascertained,
that the Scotch Highlanders and the Irish under-
stood each other. Boswell told him that his cou-
sin, Colonel Graham, of the Royal Highlanders,
whom he met at Drogheda, said they did. Jolin-
son. Sir, if the Highlanders understood Irish,
why translate the New Testament into Erse, as
was lately done at Edinburgh, when there is an
Irish translation ?" Boswell. "Although the Erse
and Irish are both dialects of the same language,
there may be a good deal of diversity between
them, as between the different dialects in Italy."
Sir Alexander Macdonald said to him, "I have
been correcting several Scottish accents in my
friend Boswell. I doubt, sir, if any Scotchman
ever attains to a perfect English pronunciation.”
Johnson. (C
Why, sir, few of them do, because
they do not persevere, after acquiring a certain de-
gree of it; but, sir, there can be no doubt, that
they may attain to a perfect English pronunciation,
if they will we find how near they come to it ;
and certainly a man who conquers nineteen parts
of the Scottish accent, may conquer the twentieth.
But, sir, when a man has got the better of nine-
tenths, he grows weary, he relaxes his diligence,
he finds he has corrected his accent so far as not
to be disagreeable, and he no longer desires his
friends to tell him when he is wrong; nor does he
choose to be told. Sir, when people watch mẹ
narrowly, and I do not watch myself, they will
find me out to be of a particular county. In the
same manner, Dunning inay be found out to be a
Devonshire man: So most Scotchimen may be
found out. But, sir, little aberrations are of no
disadvantage. I never catched Mallet in a Scotch
me
z 2
270
TABLE-TALK.
accent; and yet Mallet, I suppose, was past five-
and-twenty before he came to London."
The Earl of Marchmont, with great good-hu-
mour, related, that the master of a shop in Lon-
don, where he was not known, said to him, “I
suppose, sir, you are an American ?" Why so,
sir?" said his lordship. "Because, sir,” replied
the shopkeeper," you speak neither English nor
Scotch, but something different from both, which
I conclude is the language of America."
Boswell. "It may be of use, sir, to have a
Dictionary to ascertain the pronunciation." John-
son. "Why, sir, my Dictionary shows you the
accents of words, if you can but remember them."
Boswell. But, sir, we want marks to ascertain
the pronunciation of the vowels: Sheridan, I be-
lieve, has finished such a work." Johnson. " Why,
sir, consider how much easier it is to learn a lan-
guage by the ear, than by any marks. Sheridan's
Dictionary may do very well, but you cannot al-
ways carry it about with you; and when you want
the word, you have not the Dictionary. It is like
a man who has a sword that will not draw: It is
an admirable sword, to be sure, but while your
enemy is cutting your throat, you are unable to
use it. Besides, sir, what entitles Sheridan to fix
the pronunciation of English? He has, in the first
place, the disadvantage of being an Irishman; and
if he says he will fix it after the example of the
best company, why, they differ among themselves.
I remember an instance: when I published the
Plan for my Dictionary, Lord Chesterfield told me
that the word great should be pronounced so as to
rhyme to state; and Sir William Yonge sent me
word, that it should be pronounced so as to rhyme.
JOHNSONIANA.
271
to seat, and that none but an Irishman would pro-
nounce it grait. Now here were two men of the
highest rank, the one the best speaker in the House
of Lords, the other the best speaker in the House
of Commons, differing entirely."
A person was mentioned, who, it was said, could
take down in short-hand the speeches in Parliament
with perfect exactness. Johnson. "Sir, it is im-
possible. I remember one Angel, who came to me
to write for him a preface or dedication to a book
upon short-hand, and he professed to write as fast
as a man could speak. In order to try him, I took
down a book, and read while he wrote; and I fa-
voured him, for I read more deliberately than
usual. I had proceeded but a very little way,
when he begged I would desist, for he could not
follow me.'
Boswell read to him a letter which Lord Mon-
boddo had written, containing some critical re-
marks upon the style of his Journey to the West-
ern Islands of Scotland. His Lordship praised the
very fine passage upon landing at Icolmkill: but
his own style being exceedingly dry and hard, he
disapproved of the richness of Johnson's language,
and of his frequent use of metaphorical expres-
sions. Johnson. "Why, sir, this criticism would
be just, if, in my style, superfluous words, or words
too big for the thoughts, could be pointed out;
but this I do not believe can be done. For in-
stance, in the passage which Lord Monboddo ad-
mires, 'We are now treading that illustrious re-
gion,' the word illustrious contributes nothing to
the mere narration, for the fact might be told
without it but it is not therefore superfluous; for
it wakes the mind to peculiar attention, where
272
TABLE-TALK.
·
something of more than usual importance is to be
presented. • Illustrious !'-for what ?—and then
the sentence proceeds to expand the circumstances
connected with Iona. And, sir, as to metaphori-
cal expression, that is a great excellence in style,
when it is used with propriety, for it gives you two
ideas for one-conveys the meaning more lumi-
nously, and generally with a perception of delight."
He found fault with Boswell for using the phrase
to make money.
"Don't you see," said he, "the
impropriety of it? To make money is to coin it :
you should say, get money." The phrase, how-
ever, is pretty current. But Johnson was at all
times jealous of infractions upon the genuine Eng-
lish language, and prompt to repress colloquial bar-
barisms; such as pledying myself, for undertaking;
line, for department or branch, as, the civil line,
the banking line. He was particularly indignant
against the almost universal use of the word idea,
in the sense of notion, or opinion, when it is clear
that idea can only signify something of which an
image can be formed in the mind. "We may have
an idea or image of a mountain, a tree, a building;
but we cannot surely have an idea or image of an
argument or proposition. Yet we hear the sages
of the law delivering their ideas upon the ques-
tion under consideration;' and the first speakers in
Parliament entirely coinciding in the idea which
has been ably stated by an honourable member;'
or, reprobating an idea as unconstitutional, and
fraught with the most dangerous consequences to
a great and free country." Johnson called this
"modern cant."
<
E." The Irish language is not primitive. It is
Teutonic; a mixture of the northern tongues; it
JOHNSONIANA.
273
has much English in it." Johnson. "It may have
been radically Teutonic; but English and High
Dutch have no similarity to the eye, though radi-
cally the same. Once, when looking into Low
Dutch, I found, in a whole page, only one word si-
milar to English; stroem, like stream, and it signi-
fied tide." E. "I remember having seen a Dutch
sonnet, in which I found this word, rosenopies.
Nobody would think at first that this could be
English; but when we inquire, we find roes, rose;
and nopie, knob; so we have rose-buds.”
When Johnson was engaged on the Lives of the
Poets, Boswell applied to the Earl of Marchmont,
to give him some information concerning Pope.
The Earl complied with great readiness, but ask-
ed, "Will he write the Lives of the Poets impar-
tially? He was the first that brought Whig and
Tory into a Dictionary. And what do you think
of his definition of excise? Do you know the his-
tory of his aversion to the word transpire?" Then
taking down the folio Dictionary, he showed it,
with this censure on its secondary sense:
"To
escape from secrecy to notice: a sense lately in-
novated from France, without necessity.
"The
truth was," said his Lordship, "Lord Bolingbroke,
who left the Jacobites, first used it; therefore it
was to be condemned. He should have shown
what word would do for it, if it was unnecessary."
Boswell afterwards put the question to Johnson.
Why, sir," said he, "get abroad." Boswell.
That, sir, is using two words." Johnson. "Sir,
there is no end of this. You may as well insist to
have a word for old age." Boswell. "Well, sir,
Senectus." Johnson. " Nay, sir, to insist always
that there should be one word to express a thing
274
TABLE-TALK.
in English, because there is one in another lan-
guage, is to change the language."
Dr Johnson seemed to take a pleasure in speak-
ing in his own style; for when he had carelessly
missed it, he would repeat the thought translated
into it. Talking of the comedy of the Rehearsal,
he said, "It has not wit enough to keep it sweet.
This was easy;-he therefore caught himself, and
pronounced a more round sentence-" It has not
vitality enough to preserve it from putrefaction."
""
Boswell, talking of translation, said, he could not
define it, nor could he think of a similitude to il-
lustrate it; but that it appeared to him, the trans-
lation of poetry could be only imitation. Johnson.
"You may translate books of science exactly.
You may also translate history, in so far as it is
not embellished with oratory, which is poetical.
Poetry, indeed, cannot be translated; and, there-
fore, it is the poets that preserve languages; for
we would not be at the trouble to learn a lan-
guage, if we could have all that is written in it
just as well in a translation: but, as the beauties
of poetry cannot be preserved in any language ex-
cept that in which it was originally written, we
learn the language."
•
Johnson told, in his lively manner, the following
literary anecdote "Green and Guthrie, an Irish-
man and a Scotchman, undertook a translation of
Duhalde's History of China. Green said of Guth-
rie, that he knew no English; and Guthrie of
Green, that he knew no French; and these two
undertook to translate Duhalde's History of China.
In this translation there was found, the twenty-
sixth day of the new moon.' Now, as the whole
age of the moon is but twenty-eight days, the
JOHNSONIANA.
275
moon, instead of being new, was nearly as old as
it could be. The blunder arose from their mista-
king the word neuvième, ninth, for nouvelle, or
neuve, new."
Mr Wilkes described oratory, as accompanied
with all the charms of poetical expression. John-
son. "No, sir, oratory is the power of beating
down your adversary's arguments, and putting bet-
ter in their place." Wilkes. "But this does not
move the passions." Johnson. "He must be
a weak man, who is to be so moved." Wilkes,
(naming a celebrated orator) " Amidst all the bril-
liancy of ****'s imagination, and the exuberance
of his wit, there is a strange want of taste. It was
observed of Apelles's Venus, that her flesh seem-
ed as if she had been nourished by roses: his ora-
tory would sometimes make one suspect that he
eats potatoes and drinks whisky."
Johnson and Boswell were conversing of public
speaking. Johnson. "We must not estimate &
man's powers by his being able or not able to de-
liver his sentiments in public. Isaac Hawkins
Browne, one of the first wits of this country, got
into Parliament and never opened his mouth. For
my own part, I think it is more disgraceful never
to try to speak, than to try it, and fail; as it is
more disgraceful not to fight, than to fight and be
beaten." This argument appeared to Boswell fal-
lacious; for if a man has not spoken, it may be
said, that he would have done very well if he had
tried; whereas, if he has tried and failed, there is
nothing to be said for him: he therefore asked,
"Why then is it thought disgraceful for a man not
to fight, and not disgraceful not to speak in pub-
lic ?" Johnson. "Because there may be other
276
TABLE-TALK.
reasons for a man's not speaking in public, than
want of resolution; he may have nothing to say
(laughing); whercas, sir, you know courage is rec-
koned the greatest of all virtues; because, unless
a man has that virtue, he has no security for pre-
serving any other."
At Mr Thrale's, one evening, be repeated his
usual paradoxical declamation against action in
public speaking. "Action can have no effect
upon reasonable minds. It may augment noise,
but it never can enforce argument. If you speak to
a dog, you use action; you hold up your hand thus,
because he is a brute; and, in proportion as men
are removed from brutes, action will have the less
influence upon them." Mrs Thrale. "What then,
sir, becomes of Demosthenes's saying- Action,
action, action ?'" Johnson. "Demosthenes, ma-
dam, spoke to an assembly of brutes; to a barbar-
ous people."
!
1
[ 277 ]
OMNIANA.*
CV.
DOGS.
THERE is a chapter in one of our metaphysical
writers, showing how dogs make syllogisms. The
illustration is decisive. A dog loses sight of his
master, and follows him by scent till the road
branches into three; he smells at the first, and at
the second, and then, without smelling farther,
gallops along the third. That animals should be
found to possess in perfection every faculty which
is necessary for their well-being, is nothing won-
derful; the wonder would be if they did not: but
they sometimes display a reach of intellect beyond
this.
For instance-dogs have a sense of time so as
to count the days of the week. My grandfather
had one, who trudged two miles every Saturday
to market, to cater for himself in the shambles. I
know another more extraordinary and well-authen-
ticated example: A dog which had belonged to
an Irishman, and was sold by him in England,
would never touch a morsel of food upon a Friday;
the Irishman had made him as good a Catholic as
he was himself. This dog never forsook the sick
By Robert Southey. 1812.
2 A
278
TABLE-TALK.
bed of his last master, and, when he was dead, re-
fused to eat, and died also.
A dog of my acquaintance found a bitch in the
streets who had lost her master, and was ready to
whelp; he brought her home, put her in posses-
sion of his kennel, and regularly carried his food
to her, which it may be supposed he was not suf-
fered to want, during her confinement. For his
gallantry, his name deserves to be mentioned—it
was Pincher. Some of his other acquaintance
may remember him. Whenever Pincher saw a
trunk packing up in the house, he absconded for
the next four-and-twenty hours. He was of opi-
nion that home was the best place.
CVI. TOMB-FLIES.
When the French, in their war with Pedro of
Arragon, took Gerona, a swarm of white flies is
said to have proceeded from the body of St Narcis,
in the church of St Phelin, (I copy the names as
they stand in the Catalan * author,) which stung the
French, and occasioned such a mortality, that they
evacuated the city. This is so extraordinary a
miracle, that there is probably some truth in it,
because miracle-mongers have never the least in-
vention, and because a curious fact in confirmation
of it is to be found in the Monthly Magazine for
December 1805. "In preparing for the founda-
tion of the New Church at Lewes, it became ne-
cessary to disturb the mouldering bones of the
long defunct, and in the prosecution of that una-
voidable business, a leaden coffin was taken up,
which, on being opened, exhibited a complete ske-
leton of a body that had been interred about sixty
Père Tomich. ff. 39.
OMNIANA.
279
years, whose leg and thigh bones, to the utter
astonishment of all present, were covered with
myriads of flies, (of a species, perhaps, totally un-
known to the naturalist,) as active and strong on
the wing as gnats flying in the air, on the finest
evening in summer. The wings of this non-de-
script are white, and for distinction's sake, the
spectators gave it the name of the coffin-fly. The
lead was perfectly sound, and presented not the
least chink or crevice for the admission of air.
The moisture of the flesh had not yet left the
bones, and the fallen beard lay on the under jaw."
Such a swarm of white flies very probably pro-
ceeded from the Saint's coffin; that he produced
them by virtue of his saintship, and that they pro-
duced the infection among the French, would be
believed in that age by all parties.
CVII. CLASSIFICATION OF NOVELS.
Novels may be arranged according to the botani-
cal system of Linnæus.
Monandria Monogynia is the usual class, most
novels having one hero and one heroine. Sir Charles
Grandison belongs to the Monandria Digynia.
Those in which the families of the two lovers are
at variance may be called Diœcious.
The Cryp-
togamia are very numerous, so are the Polygamia.
Where the lady is in doubt which of her lovers
to choose, the tale is to be classed under the Ico-
sandria. Where the party hesitates between love
and duty, or avarice and ambition, Didynamia.
Many are poisonous, few of any use, and far the
greater number are annuals.
CVIII. MUNCHAUSEN.
Who is the author of Munchausen's Travels, a
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TABLE-TALK.
book which everybody knows, because all boys
read it?
Two of his stories are to be found in a Portu-
guesc magazine, if so it may be called, published
about fourscore years ago, with this title-Folheto
de Ambas Lisboas. The seventh number contains
a tale of a hunter shooting a wild boar with a
peach-stone, because he had exhausted all his ball,
and afterwards meeting the same boar with a peach-
tree growing out of his loins. The other resem-
blance is less striking. A waterman talked one
night from the street to a woman at a window,
and as neither of them could hear distinctly what
the other said, What do you say? was frequently
repeated by both. The reason why they could
not hear was, that it froze very hard at the time,
and in the morning the wall was covered with,
What do-you-says, in ice.
It is not likely that the author of Munchausen
should have seen these Folhetos; the low wit which
they are filled with could at no time have been well
understood beyond the limits of Lisbon, and has
long been obsolete there; and in all probability very
few sets have escaped the common fate of worth-
less papers, published in loose sheets, and thereby
tempting the destruction which they deserve. But
it is probable that the Portuguese and English wri-
ters both have had recourse to the same store-house
of fable.
CIX. SEA-FIRES.
On Saturday, July 1, A.D. 949, a fire is said to
have risen from the sea, and consumed many towns
on the coast of Spain. It travelled on into the in-
terior, and continued its work, destroying many
places entirely, and part of Zamora, Carrion, Cas-
OMNIANA.
281
tro, Xeriz, Burgos, Birviesca, Calzada, Pancorvo,
and Buradon. The Anales Compostelanos, and
many other ancient writings, record this phenome-
non, which Morales* calls strange and monstrous,
and difficult to believe. Berganza+ thus quotes
the original passage from the Memorias de Carde-
na : Era 987. Kal Jun. dia de Sabado, a la
hora de nona, salio flama del mar, è encendio mu-
chas villas è cibdades, è omes, è bestias, è en esto
mismo mar encendio penas, è en Zamora un bar-
rio, è en Carrion, è en Castro Xeriz, è en Bur-
gos,
è en Birbiesca, è en la Calçada, è en Pancor-
vo, è en Buradon, è en otras muchas villas.
A similar phenomenon is said to have occurred
in our own island at a much later age. "In the
year 1694, the country about Harlech in Merion-
ethshire, was annoyed about eight months by a
fiery exhalation, that was seen only in the night,
and consisted of a livid vapour, which rose from
the sea, or seemed to come from Carnarvonshire,
across a bay of the sea eight or nine miles broad
on the west side. It spread from this bay over the
land, and set fire to all the barns, stacks of hay and
corn on its way. It also infected the air, and blast-
ed the grass and herbage in such a manner that a
great mortality of cattle, sheep, and horses ensued.
It proceeded constantly to and from the same place,
in stormy as well as in calm nights; but more fre-
quently in the winter than in the following sum-
mer. It never fired anything but in the night, and
the flames, which were weak and of a bluish co-
lour, did no injury to human creatures; for the in-
L. 16, c. 18, § 9.
+ Antiguidades de Espana, 1. 3, c. 10. § 104.
2A2
282
TABLE-TALK.
habitants did frequently rush into the middle of
them, unhurt, to save their hay and corn.
This
vapour was at length extinguished by ringing bells,
firing guns, blowing horns, and otherwise putting
the air into motion whenever it was seen to ap-
proach the shore."-Entick's present State of the
British Empire.
A man of science as well as of philosophic mind,
would employ himself well in examining those ac-
counts of prodigies in the early annalists and chro-
niclers, which of late years have been indiscrimi-
nately regarded as only worthy of contempt. The
most superficial age of intellectual history is that
which commenced with Mr Locke's philosophy,
and 1 fear cannot yet be said to have terminated
with the French Revolution.
CX. GROUND-FIRES.
Jacob Bryant refers to the Saxon Chronicles, to
Roger de Hoveden, Brompton, and Simon Dunel-
mensis for various accounts of fires breaking out from
the earth in this country during various earthquakes,
which occurred from the year 1032 to 1135, when
the last eruption was recorded. "Fires," says Ho-
linshed, “burst out of certain riffes of the earth, in
so huge flames that neither by water nor other-
wise it could be quenched." Bryant would fain
prove the impossible authenticity of Rowley's poem
by these phenomena, insisting that they are the
gronfers which Chatterton interprets fires exhaled
from a fen.
The ground-fire of 1048 is said to have burnt
towns as well as fields of corn ; villas et segetes mul-
tas ustulavit. Sim. Dun. This broke out in Derby-
shire and the adjoining counties; but it is difficult,
if not impossible, to conceive how any volcanic
OMNIANA.
283
flames should have extended to towns, there being
no mountain in eruption. The fiery vapour, what-
ever it may have been, seems more analogous to
the sea-fire which extended so far into Spain.
In turning over a most worthless volume, entitled
Reflexions sur le Désastre de Lisbonne, an extract
from Mezerai reminds me of what I have read in
many old historians, that the pestilence which in
the 14th century spread from the East over the
whole of Europe, was believed to have been pro-
duced by a fiery vapour, horriblement puante, which
issued from the earth in the province of Catag, in
China, and consumed everything within a circuit
of two hundred leagues. I do not know to what
authority this news from China is to be traced.
In 1802, a gentleman, who is a native of Llan-
trisant, in the county of Glamorganshire, was shoot-
ing upon the hills near that town; he had occasion
to pass what appeared to him a patch of red mire,
over which one step would have carried him; but
having set his foot on it, it sunk; he fell, and found
his leg burnt through the boot so severely, that he
was confined many weeks by the wound. The place
is remote from any path, but it was found upon
inquiry, that a few old persons knew that such a
ground-fire existed there, where it had been burn-
ing time out of mind. This is not related upon
any doubtful authority. I heard the fact from the
person to whom it happened. Some scientific tra-
veller will do well to find out this singular spot,
over which, if it were in their country, the Parsees
would build a temple.
CXI. FRENCII-ENGLISH.
It is curious to observe how the English Catho-
lics of the 17th century wrote English like men
1
284
TABLE-TALK.
who habitually spoke French. Corps is sometimes
used for the living body;—and when they attempt
to versify, their rhymes are only rhymes according
to a French pronunciation.
This path most faire I walking winde
By shadow of my pilgrimage,
Wherein at every step I find
An heavenly draught and image
Of my fraile mortality,
Tending to eternity.
*
The tree that bringeth nothing else
But leaves and breathing verdure
Is fit for fire, and not for fruit,
And doth great wrong to Nature.
*
*
*
But the finest specimen of French-English verse
is certainly the inscription which M. Girardin pla-
ced at Ermenonville to the memory of Shenstone.
This plain stone,
To William Shenstone.
In his writings he display'd
A mind natural.
At Leasowes he laid
Arcadian greens rural.
Shenstone used to thank God that his name was
not liable to a pun. He little thought it was lia-
ble to such a rhyme as this.
CXII. LONGEVITY.
There is nothing in the system of nature which,
in our present state of knowledge, appears so un-
intelligible as the scale of longevity. It must be
admitted, indeed, that our knowledge upon this
subject is very imperfect; but all that is known of
domesticated animals, and the accidental facts which
have been preserved concerning others, tend to the
strange result, that longevity bears no relation ei-
ther to strength, size, complexity of organization,
or intellectual power. True it is, that birds, which
scem to rank higher than beasts in the scale of be-
ΟΜΝΙΑΝΑ.
285
ing, are also much longer lived. Thirty is a great
age for a horse; dogs usually live only from four-
teen years to twenty; but it is known that the
goose and the hawk exceed a century. But fish,
evidently a lower rank in creation than either, are
longer lived than birds: it has been said of some
species, and of certain snakes also, that they grow
as long as they live, and, as far as we know, live
till some accident puts an end to their indefinite
term of life. And the toad! it cannot indeed be
said that the toad lives for ever, but many of these
animals who were cased up at the general deluge,
are likely to live till they are baked in their cells
at the general conflagration.
I have said that birds seem to rank higher than
beasts in the scale of being, because the sogy, which
in beasts is confined to the female, extends in birds
to both sexes; and because they have the connu-
bial affection, to which there seems no nearer ap-
proach among beasts than the Turk-like polygamy
of some of the gregarious species.
CXIII. MODE OF VENTILATING A TOWN.
The town of Montalvan, in Arragon, is ventila-
ted in a very simple manner. It stands in a deep
valley, surrounded with mountains, and is exposed
to excessive heat. Much wine is made in the
neighbourhood, and every house has its cellar un-
derneath, dug to a great and unusual depth, be-
cause of the hot situation. Every cellar has its
vent-hole to the street, and from each of them a
stream of cold air continually issues out, and cools
the town. There is no doubt that this advantage
was not foreseen. Might it not be usefully imita-
ted in all hot countries?
The inhabitants used to say, that wine when
286
TABLE-TALK.
drank fresh from these cellars never intoxicated.
The reason they assigned was, that it was so cold
as to compress the vapours in the stomach, which
were thus tempered when they ascended to the
brain, instead of being in a burning state. The
weakness of the wine is a more obvious solution
than the excellence of the cellar; though, undoubt- `
edly, hot liquors intoxicate sooner than cold.·
This account of Montalvan is as it was two cen-
turies ago; but things have undergone so little al-
teration in Spain, that it probably may still be ac-
curate.-Miedes, l. 9, c. 23.
Burnet (the Bishop) describes something of the
same kind at Chavennes. The town stands at the
very foot of the mountains. "At the roots of the
mountains they dig great cellars and grottos, and
strike a hole about a foot square, ten or twelve feet
into the hill, which all the summer long blows a
fresh air into the cellar, so that the wine in those
cellars drinks almost as cold as if it were in ice.
But this wind-pipe did not blow when I was there,
which was toward the end of September; for the
sun opening the pores of the earth and rarefying the
exterior air, that which is compressed within the
cavities that are in the mountains, rushes out with
a constant wind; but when the operation of the
sun is weakened, this course of the air is less sen-
sible. Before, or over those vaults, they build lit-
tle pleasant houses like summer houses, and in them
they go to collation generally at night, in summer.'
-Letters from Switzerland and Italy, Edit. 1687.
-p. 76.
CXIV. CORTES.
Diego Velazquez took Cortes with him to Cuba
as one of the secretaries, a situation for which he
:
OMNIANA.
287
was not at that time well qualified, being too apt
to jest, and too fond of conversation. Whatever the
cause may have been, they soon disagreed. Judges
of Appeal arrived at Hispaniola, and the malcon-
tents in Cuba drew out secretly their complaints
against the governor. There was no other means
of crossing over to present them than in an open
canoe, and Cortes undertook this desperate service.
Just as he was about to embark he was seized and
the papers found upon him. Velazquez at first was
about to hang him but upon intercession, content-
ed himself with putting him in irons, and embark-
ing him on board ship to send him to Hispaniola.
He contrived to rid himself of his fetters, and while
the crew were asleep, got overboard, and trusted
himself upon a log of wood, for he could not swim :
it was ebb tide, and he was carried a league out
from the ship; the flow drove him upon shore, but
he was so exhausted that he was on the point of
letting loose his hold, and resigning himself to his
fate. It was not yet day; he hid himself, know-
ing search would be made for him as soon as he
was missed on board; and when the church doors
were opened he took sanctuary.
Near this church there dwelt one Juan Xuares,
who had a handsome sister of excellent character.
Cortes liked her, and found means to let her know
it. Whoever has seen Vertue's print of Cortes,
from Titian's picture, will know that of all men he
must have been one of the most beautiful. One
day he was slipping out of the church to visit her,
an Alguazil watched him, slipt in at another door,
came out behind him, caught him behind, and car-
ried him to prison.
Velazquez was about to proceed against him
288
TABLE-TALK.
with extreme rigour, but this governor was of a ge-
nerous nature, and was persuaded to forgive him ;
Cortes married the girl, and said he was as well
contented with her as if she had been the daughter
of a duchess. The Alguazil, Juan Escudero, who
had entrapped him, was one of the conspirators
whom he afterwards hung in New Spain.-Her-
rera.
Of these singular facts in the history of so ex-
traordinary a man, no mention is made by Robert-
son. What that author has said of Antonio de So-
lis may be applied to himself: “I know no author
in any language whose literary fame has risen so
far beyond his real merit.”
CXV. WAR.
It would have proved a striking part of a Vision
presented to Adam, the day after the death of Abel,
to have brought before his eyes half a million of
men crowded together in the space of a square mile.
When the first father had exhausted his wonder on
the multitude of his offspring, he would then natu-
rally inquire of his angelic instructor, for what pur-
poses so vast a multitude had assembled? what is
the common end?-alas! to murder each other,
all Cains and yet no Abels.
CXVI.
TOLERATION.
I dare confess that Mr Locke's treatise on To-
leration appeared to me far from being a full and
satisfactory answer to the subtle and oft-times
plausible arguments of Bellarmin, and other Ro-
manists. On the whole, I was more pleased with
the celebrated W. Penn's tracts on the same sub-
ject. The following extract from his excellent let-
ter to the King of Poland appeals to the heart ra-
ther than to the head, to the Christian rather than
OMNIANA.
289
to the Philosopher; and besides, overlooks the os-
tensible object of religious penalties, which is not
so much to convert the heretic, as to prevent the
spread of heresy. The thoughts, however, are so
just in themselves, and expressed with so much life
and simplicity, that it well deserves a place in the
Omniana.
"Now, O Prince! give a poor Christian leave
to expostulate with thee. Did Christ Jesus or his
holy followers endeavour, by precept or example,
to set up their religion with a carnal sword? Call-
ed he any troops of men or angels to defend him?
Did he encourage Peter to dispute his right with
the sword? But did he not say, Put it up? Or
did he countenance his over-zealous disciples, when
they would have had fire from heaven, to destroy
those that were not of their mind? No! But did
not Christ rebuke them, saying, Ye know not what
spirit ye are of? And if it was neither Christ's
spirit nor their own spirit that would have fire
from heaven-Oh! what is that SPIRIT that would
kindle fire on earth, to destroy such as peaceably
dissent upon the account of conscience !
"O King! when did the true RELIGION per-
sccute? When did the true church offer violence
for religion? Were not her weapons prayers, tears,
and patience? Did not Jesus conquer by these
weapons, and vanquish cruelty by suffering? Can
clubs, and staves, and swords, and prisons, and ba-
nishments, reach the soul, convert the heart, or
convince the understanding of man! When did
violence ever make a true convert or bodily pu-
nishment a sincere Christian? This maketh void
the end of Christ's coming. Yea, it robbeth God's
spirit of its office, which is to convince the world,
>
2 B
290
TABLE-TALK.
That is the sword by which the ancient Christians
overcame."
The Theory of Persecution seems to rest on the
following assumptions. I. A duty implies a right.
We have a right to do whatever it is our duty to
do. II. It is the duty, and consequently the right,
of the supreme power in a state, to promote the
greatest possible sum of well-being in that state.
III. This is impossible without morality. IV. But
morality can neither be produced nor preserved in
a people at large without true religion. V. Rela-
tive to the duties of the legislature or governors,
that is the true religion which they conscientiously
believe to be so. VI. As there can be but one
true religion, at the same time, this one it is their
duty and right to authorize and protect. VII. But
the established religion cannot be protected and
secured except by the imposition of restraints or
the influence of penalties on those who profess and
propagate hostilities to it. VIII. True religion,
consisting of precepts, counsels, commandments,
doctrines, and historical narratives, cannot be ef-
fectually proved or defended, but by a comprehen-
sive view of the whole, as a system. Now this
cannot be hoped for from the mass of mankind.
But it may be attacked, and the faith of ignorant
men subverted, by particular objections, by the
statement of difficulties without any counter-state-
ment of the greater difficulties which would result
from the rejection of the former, and by all the
other stratagems used in the desultory warfare of
sectaries and infidels. This is, however, manifest-
ly dishonest, and dangerous; and there must exist
therefore a power in the state to prevent, suppress,
and punish it. IX. The advocates of toleration
ΟΜΝΙΑΝΑ.
291
have never been able to agree among themselves
concerning the limits to their own claims; have
never established any clear rules, what shall and
what shall not be admitted under the name of reli-
gion and conscience. Treason and the grossest in-
decencies not only may be, but have been, called
by these names: as among the earlier Anabaptists.
X. And last, it is a petitio principii, or begging
the question, to take for granted that a state has
no power except in case of overt acts. It is its
duty to prevent a present evil, as much at least as
to punish the perpetrators of it. Besides, preach-
ing and publishing are overt acts.
Nor has it yet
been proved, though often asserted, that a Christian
sovereign has nothing to do with the external hap-
piness or misery of the fellow-creatures intrusted
to his charge.
CXVII. EARTH BATHING.
Dr Graham's earth bath was used as a remedy
for drunkenness by the Irish rebel Shane O'Neil,
in Elizabeth's days. "Subtle and crafty he was,
especially in the morning; but in the residue of
the day very uncertain and unstable; and much
given to excessive gulping, and surfetting. And
albeit he had most commonly two hundred tuns of
wines in his cellar at Dundrun, and had his full fill
thereof; yet was he never satisfied till he had swal-
lowed up marvellous great quantities of Usque-
bagh, or Aqua Vitæ of that country; whereof so
unmeasurably he would drink and brase, that for
the quenching of the heat of the body, which by
that means was most extremely inflamed and dis-
tempered, he was eftsoones conveyed (as the com-
mon report was) into a deep pit, and standing up-
right in the same, the earth was cast round about
292
TABLE-TALK.
him up to the hard chin, and there he did remain
until such time as his body was recovered to some
temperature."-Holinshed, vol. vi. p. 331.
CXVIII. ADIPOCIRE.
The nature of this substance must always have
been known since men have been buried in church-
yards, and grave-digging became a regular occupa-
tion. "In an hydropical body," says Sir Thomas
Brown, "ten years buried in a church-yard, we
met with a fat concretion, where the nitre of the
earth, and the salt and lixivious liquor of the body,
had coagulated large lumps of fat into the consist-
ence of the hardest Castile soap." (Hydriotaphia,
Chap. 3.) A specimen, he adds, was in his own
possession. But even a process by which this
substance may be made, was ascertained by Bacon,
in his "Experiment Solitary, touching fat diffused
in flesh." Sylva Sylvarum, No. 678. "You
may turn (almost) all flesh into a fatty substance,
you take flesh, and cut it into pieces, and put the
pieces into a glass covered with parchment; and
so let the glass stand six or seven hours in boiling
water. It may be an experiment of profit for ma-
king of fat or grease for many uses: but then it
must be of such flesh as is not edible, as horses,
dogs, bears, foxes, badgers," &c.
if
This great author reminds me of Robin Hood:
-many men talk of his works. It is odd that he
should be so much more talked of than read; be-
cause Bacon would be fine food for those philoso-
phers who have a tailor-like propensity for cab-
bage.
CXIX. SNAILS.
That Maecenas of Cookery, Sir Kenelm Digby,
who is remembered for so many odd things, was
OMNIANA.
293
one of the persons who introduced the great shell*
snail into this country as a delicacy. He dispersed
the breed about Gothurst, his seat, near Newport
Pagnel: but the merit of first importing it is due
to Charles Howard, of the Arundel family. The
fashion seems to have taken, for that grateful and
great master cook, Robert May, has left several
receipts for dressing snails among the secrets of his
fifty years' experience.
Snails are still sold in Covent-Garden as a re-
medy for consumptive people. I remember, when
a child, having seen them pricked through the shell
to obtain a liquor for this purpose, but the liquor
was as inefficacious as the means to obtain it were
cruel. They were at that time, I know, eaten by
the men who worked at the glass-houses, probably
from some notion of their restorative virtue.
Shell snails of every kind are rarely found in
Cumberland; the large brown species I have never
seen there. The snail is so slow a traveller that it
will probably require many centuries before he
makes the tour of the island.
CXX. TARRING AND FEATHERING.
Tarring and feathering, it seems, is a European
invention as well as a Tupinamban. One of
Richard Cœur de Lion's ordinances for seamen was,
"that if any man were taken with theft or pickery,
and thereof convicted, he should have his head
polled, and hot pitch poured upon his pate, and
upon that the feathers of some pillow or cushion
shaken aloft, that he might thereby be known for
a thief, and at the next arrival of the ships to any
land, be put forth of the company to seek his ad-
venture, without all hope of return unto his fel-
lows."-Holinshed.
Helix Pomaria.
B 2
294
TABLE-TALK.
CXXI. LORD CHIEF JUSTICE HOLT.
When Holt was Lord Chief Justice, he com-
mitted some enthusiasts to prison. The next day,
one Lacy, who was of the same persuasion, went
to his house, and asked to speak with him. The
porter answered, his lordship was not well, and
could not be seen. Lacy insisted that he must
speak to him, for he was sent to him by the Lord.
When this message was delivered, he obtained ad-
mittance. "I come," said he, "from the Lord,
commanding thee to grant a noli prosequi to his
faithful servants, whom thou hast unjustly com-
mitted to prison." "Thou canst not certainly have
come from the Lord," replied Holt, "for he would
have sent thee to the Attorney General, knowing
very well that it is not in my power to grant thy
demand. Therefore thou art a false prophet, and
shalt go and keep thy friends company in prison."
Holt would not have disconcerted this prophet
by his logic, if it had not been backed by law. Fa-
naticism and bigotry are proof against logic. When
the pictures of the Virgin at Rome in 1796 moved
their eyes, and all Rome crowded to behold them,
one of the pictures squinted,... and the squint was
admitted to be part of the miracle.
CXXII. GLOW-BEAST.
"The Valley of Calchaquina, running thirty
leagues in length from N. to S., is but of a small
breadth, and almost enclosed on both sides by high
ridges of mountains, that make the borders of Peru
and Chili. It is reported that in the night there
is a sort of creature seen here which casts a mighty
light from its head, and many are of opinion that
light is caused by a carbuncle; but as yet this
creature could never be taken or killed, because it
ΟΜΝΙΑΝΑ.
295
suddenly baffles all the designs of men, leaving
them in the dark, by clouding that light."*
The existence of this animal is still believed.
The Missionary Fr. Narciso y Barcel says, in a
letter written in 1791, "I had scarcely reached
Manoa before I began the commission with which
his Excellency the Viceroy charged me, concern-
ing the search of the carbuncle. I found a Pagan
of the Pira nation, who has not only seen one, but
has killed one, and thrown it away, through igno-
rance, as a thing of no value. He assured me that
there were two kinds, one about a quarter, the
other about half a vara high. The curtain, or lid,
with which it covers its splendour, is, he says, a
thing of exquisite plumage, and that it has on its
breast spots of singular beauty. He called it in his
Pira language Inuyucoy. He promised to bring
me one dead, since it is impossible to take it alive;
I regaled him plentifully for the sake of encoura-
ging him, and he set off in full confidence that he
should not return without it. As soon as I get
this precious jewel, (alhaja,) I will send it to his
Excellency."-(Mer. Per. N. 152.)
D. Joseph Ignacio de Lequanda (Mer. Peruan.
N. 249) relates some stories of this carbuncle ani-
mal, and evidently believes them. By his account,
it opens this eye of light when it is in danger, and
dazzles its enemy. At other times the eye is co-
vered with its veil, or lid, like Prince Arthur's
shield.
The author of the verse-Argentina, D. Martin
del Barco, says he had seen this beast, and often
hunted it in vain, and that happy man would he be
History of Paraguay, &c. by F. Nicholas del Techo.
296
TABLE-TALK.
who should catch one. Ruy Diaz Melgarejo, he
adds, had been thus fortunate. He had caught a
carbuncle-beast, and taken out the stone,.. but the
canoe in which he embarked with it upset, and the
jewel was lost. I, says D. Martin, saw him la-
menting his evil fortune, and heard him say, that
if he had not lost the carbuncle, he would have
presented it to King Philip.*
Argentina, Canto 3.
{
TABLE-TALK.
PART III. ITALIAN. GERMAN.
[ 299 ]
TABLE-TALK.
POGGIANA.*
I. THE MADMAN OF MILAN.
A PHYSICIAN at Milan undertook to cure mad-
men within a certain time. His plan was, to place
the patient in a bath of dirty water up to the knees,
or deeper, according to the extent of his disorder,
and to leave him there fastened till he showed signs
of returning reason. One day a madman was brought
to him, whom he put into the water up to the mid-
dle. When he had been there a fortnight, he beg-
ged the physician to let him out, which he did, on
condition that he should not go beyond the court
of the house. As he was walking up and down
the court, a gentleman rode up, with hawks and
hounds. "Would you inform me," said the mad-
man to him, "what is the name of that animal you
are sitting upon, and what use you make of him?"
-"He is a horse for hunting," said the gentleman.
"And the bird you have on your wrist, and these
From the Facetia and Poggiana of Poggio.
300
TABLE-TALK.
creatures that follow you?" continued the madman.
These," said the gentleman," are hawks and
hounds for catching game." "And what may be
the value of the game which it costs you so much
trouble to catch ?"-" Why, very little-some six
or seven ducats.". "And the expense of the horses
and dogs?". "Why, fifty perhaps."-" Ah!" said
the madman, "make off as fast as possible before
my physician comes, for if he catch you here, he
will put you into the water up to the very chin."
II.
LAZINESS.
There was a young Gascon gentleman at Con-
stance, named Bonac, who rose every morning very
late. As his comrades used to rally him upon his
laziness—“ I am obliged," said he, " to listen every
morning to a long pleading between laziness and
diligence. The latter exhorts me to get up, and
employ myself in something useful; the other in-
geniously pleads the comfort of a warm bed, and
that rest is better than labour. I listen to the
pleadings on both sides, till matters are made up;
and this is the cause of my late rising."
III. LENT.
In a small village among the Apennines, the
priest was so ignorant, that not being himself aware
of the annual feasts, he never announced them to
his congregation. Having gone to Terranuova one
day, and seeing the priests preparing their branches
of olive and palm for next day, he found he had
totally forgot to announce Lent to his flock. Ha-
ving returned eight days afterwards, he made the
palm branches be gathered, and, addressing his con-
gregation, said, "To-morrow, my friends, is Palm
Sunday. Easter will take place next week; we
shall fast during this week only, for Lent has come
POGGIANA.
301
later this year, in consequence of the cold weather
and bad roads." *
IV. NOTHING.
A man who had lost all his money at play, was
seen by a comrade shedding tears. He asked him
what he had to weep for. "Nothing," replied the
gamester. "Why then do you weep?" said the
other. "Simply because I have nothing," replied
his friend.
V. A SHORT SERMON.
On St Stephen's day, a monk was appointed to
pronounce a long eulogium upon the saint. As
the day was pretty well advanced, the priests, who
were getting hungry, and were apprehensive of a
tedious panegyric, whispered to their comrade to be
brief. The monk mounted the pulpit, and, after a
short preamble, said, “ My brethren, it is only
about a year since I told you all I knew about St
Stephen. As I have heard nothing new with re-
gard to him since that time, I shall add nothing to
what I said before." And so, making the sign of
the cross, he walked off.
VI. ANTONIO LUSCO.
An inhabitant of Ancona, a great talker, one day
lamenting, in a very tragic tone, the decline of the
Roman empire, as if it had been a recent event,
Antonio Lusco, the secretary of Martin V., and
friend of Poggio, said to him laughingly, "You
put me in mind of the Milanese, who, bearing of
the death of Orlando some six or seven hundred
years before, went immediately to communicate
the affecting intelligence to his wife, saying, Ah!
<
On this anecdoto Gresset has founded his Carême im²
promptu.
26
302
TABLE-TALK.
what a misfortune; I have just learned the death
of Orlando, the champion of the Christians.""
VII. THE VENETIAN.
Another of Lusco's stories, was that of a Vene-
tian who had gone on horseback to Sienna, and
happened to lodge at an inn where a large party of
horsemen were assembled. Next morning, when
they were about to set out, every one mounted ex-
cept the Venetian, who sat quietly in his place.
Lusco asked him why he kept loitering there, when
all the rest were mounted. "Oh!" said the Ve-
netian, “I am quite ready to go; but as I had no
chance of finding my horse among so many, I wait-
ed till the rest should be mounted, because then
the one that is left must be mine."
VIII. THE ORATOR OF PERUGIA.
The town of Perugia having sent deputics to
Urban V., who was then at Avignon, they found
this pontiff sick in bed. The orator of the embas-
sy made him a long speech, without paying any re-
gard to his indisposition, and without ever coming
to the point. When he had done, the Pope asked
them whether they had anything else to state.
Seeing that he was heartily tired, they said, "Our
instructions are, to declare to your Holiness, that if
you do not grant us what we ask, our orator will
make his speech over again before we go." The
Pope granted the demand instantly.
IX. CONSOLATION.
An inhabitant of Perugia, who was much in
debt, was walking along the street with a very me-
lancholy air. Some one asked him what was the
cause of his melancholy. "I am in debt," said he,
" and I have nothing to pay."- "Well," said the
other, "let your creditors think of that."
POGGIANA.
303
X. A DEXTEROUS KNAVE.
A Florentine notary, who had little employ-
ment, bethought himself of the following expedient
to raise money. Having called on a young man
whose father was lately dead, he asked him whe-
ther he had received payment of a certain sum
which his father had lent to another person who
had also died shortly before. The son told him
he had not found any such debt among his father's
papers. "I drew the obligation with my own
hands," said the notary, " and have it in my pos-
session; you have only to make me a reasonable
allowance for it." The young man purchased the
forged deed, and cited the son of the alleged debt-
oľ. The defendant maintained, that it appeared
by his father's books that he had never borrowed a
farthing; and immediately called on the notary to
tax him with the forgery. "Young man," said the
notary, you were not born when this sum was
borrowed; but your father paid it back at the end
of six months, and I am in possession of the dis-
charge. You have nothing to do but to make me
a reasonable allowance for it." The young man
did so, and thus the notary chcated both plaintiff
and defendant.
CC
XI. THE CORPULENT MONK.
A monk of extreme corpulence, coming very
late one evening to the gates of Florence, asked if
he could get in. "Oh, yes," said a countryman,
to whom he had put the question, "a cart of hay
can get in."
XII. HOW TO CURE THE SICK.
The Cardinal de Bar had an hospital at Verceil,
where a great number of invalids were maintained.
The intendant of his finances seeing that the pro-
304
TABLE-TALK.
digious increase of the patients was daily diminish-
ing his master's fortune, determined to get rid of a
few of them. He disguised himself as a physician,
made the patients be collected, inspected their
wounds, and then told them that the only remedy
for them was the application of an ointment made
of human fat. "I leave it to yourselves," said he,
" to decide by lot, who is to be the person that is
to be boiled for the benefit of the rest." At these
words the patients, terrified to death, deserted the
hospital in a body.
XIII. ANTONIO LUSCO.
Antonio Lusco, the intimate friend of Poggio,
was, like himself, secretary to Martin V. This
pontiff thought so highly of him, that he employed
him in the most important negotiations, as in the
embassy to Philip, Duke of Milan, in 1423, to pre-
vail upon him to make peace with the Kerentines.
Martin V. having ordered him to compose a letter,
and to communicate it to some one in whom the
pontiff had great confidence; Antonio found him
at table, and happening to be a little heated with
wine at the time, he blamed the composition ra-
ther severely, and told him it must be completely
altered. "I shall alter it," said Antonio to a
friend, “as John Galeazzo's tailor did his robe-de-
chambre. The Duke, after a hearty supper, find-
ing his robe-de-chambre rather tight, sent for his
tailor to have it altered. The tailor took it away,
and brought it back next morning without altering
a stitch, and the Duke found it fitted admirably.
It will be the same with my letter," said Antonio.
XIV. THE BITER BIT.
There is a small town, near Ancona, where it
is the custom to invite the neighbours when a hog
POGGIANA.
305
is killed. A countryman, who had a hog to kill,
but who was anxious to avoid sharing it with his
neighbours, consulted a friend, who advised him to
say, that some one had stolen his hog. The per-
son who gave the advice, came at night himself,
and carried off the hog. The poor countryman
who had been robbed, called next morning in great
distress, and told him he had lost his bog.
6 Ex-
cellent," said the other, "that will do. I see you
have taken my advice; you have only to put a
good face upon it, and you will persuade anybody.”,
XV. FACINO CANE.
A poor man complained to the celebrated mili-
tary chief, Facino Cane, that he had been stripped
of a cloak by one of his soldiers. Facino seeing
that he had a good coat on, asked him if he was
dressed in the same way when his cloak was taken.
The man answered that he was. "Then get about
your business," said Facino; "the man who rob-
bed you is none of my soldiers; none of them
would have left so good a coat upon your back."
XVI. THE VENETIAN.
A Venetian mounted his horse to go a journey,
his servant following him, behind. Upon the jour-
ney, the horse having struck the servant with his
heel, he took up a stone, and intending to revenge
himself upon him, hit his master upon the back,
The foolish Venetian thought his horse had done
it. When the servant, who had loitered behind on
account of his hurt, came up, his master chid him
for his laziness. The servant told him the horse
had kicked him. "Ah," said he,
Ah," said he, "he is a wretch-
ed brute; he has just kicked me on the back."
XVII. SINGULAR PHENOMENON.
In the month of November, this year, in a cer-
2c2
306
TABLE-TALK.
tain spot, about a thousand yards beyond Como,
a singular phenomenon was witnessed before sun-
set: an immense multitude of dogs, of a red co-
lour, amounting to about 4000, were seen to pass
along the road towards Germany. This, which
seemed the advanced guard, was followed by a
great number of cattle and sheep: after this, horse
and foot, divided into troops and companies, some
armed with shields, some apparently without heads
-last came a man of gigantic stature, mounted on
a lofty horse, and leading with him a large troop
of camels of different kinds. The procession last-
ed nearly three hours, spreading over a very large
space, and was witnessed by a great many specta-
tors, who approached close for that purpose. With
the setting of the sun, the whole disappeared.
XVIII. IIOW TO PAY FOR A HORSE.
A Florentine wanted a horse; he found a per-
son who was willing to let him have one for 15
ducats. "I will pay you 5 down," said he to
the owner," and I will be your debtor for the
rest." The horse-seller consented. Some days
afterwards, however, he came to demand his 10
ducats. "No," said the purchaser, "we must
stick to our bargain. I told you I should be your
debtor for the rest, and I could not be your debtor
if I were to pay you.
XIX. WORDS AND WORKS.
A preacher wishing to make his auditors under-
stand, that in order to judge of the conversion of
another, it was necessary to look to works and not
to words, related this fable. A man who had
caught some birds in an aviary, was strangling
them with his fingers. He happened to hurt him-
self by accident, and began to weep with the pain.
POGGIANA.
307
One of the birds who saw him, said to his com-
rades, "Let us take courage.' "Oh," said the
oldest, and most experienced among them, "do
not look at his eyes, my children,-look at his
hands."
XX. THE TESTAMENT OF THE DOG.
(C
A Priest in Tuscany, possessed of some pro-
perty, had a dog which was a particular favourite
with him, and which, when dead, he buried in the
church. The Bishop happened to hear of it, and
having an eye to the Priest's money, immediately
called him before him to answer to the charge of
sacrilege. The Priest, who had a tolerable idea of
the Bishop's motives, put fifty gold pieces in his
pocket, and went to the Bishop, who, after char-
ging him with the funeral of the dog, ordered him
to prison. Holy Father," said the Priest, "if
you only knew the admirable qualities of the dog,
you would not be surprised that I thought him
deserving of Christian burial;—for in his life, and
still more in his death, he was more excellent than
most men." "How so?" said the Bishop. "Why,"
replied the Priest, "while he was making his will,
recollecting your poverty, he has left you fifty
pieces of gold, which I have brought with me."-
The Bishop immediately ratified both the will and
the funeral, took the money, and dismissed the
Priest.
[ 308 ]
LUTHER'S COLLOQUIA MENSALIA.
[The singular work from which the following Extracts
are taken, contains the record of the familiar conversations
of the Reformer with his friends Melanchthon, Cruciger, Jo-
nas, Eberus, and others, on points connected with Theology
and Church Government. It is said to have been originally
collected from the mouth of Luther himself, by Dr Anthony
Lauterbach, and afterwards digested into its present form
by Dr John Aurifaber. The main subjects of discussion are
Idolatry, Auricular Confession, Mass, Excommunication, Cle-
rical Jurisdiction, General Councils, the Nature of Spiritual
Beings and of the Devil in particular, Celibacy of Churchmen,
and all the other topics agitated by the reformed Church in
those early periods. With these are intermixed many dia-
tribes against Antichrist and Cardinals, and much sarcasm
on popish miracles and relics. But the book is principally
valuable, not on account of its merits, which, though they
appear at one time to have procured for it the title of Divine
Discourses, are sufficiently doubtful, but for the singular
light which it casts on the character of the great reformer;
and the picture of mingled superstition and daring specula-
tion; of abject credulity on some points, and the boldest spirit
of investigation on others, which it presents. The short ex-
tracts which we have selected from the chapters on angels
and the devil, will enable our readers to judge how far Luther
was entitled to smile at the superstitious observances of the
Romish Church, retaining, as he did, a belief in many opi-
nions more absurd and monstrous than those he rejected.
The translation from which these extracts are taken, was
executed under circumstances as singular as the character of
the book itself; and the account of the matter given by the
translator, Captain Henry Bell, is so curious, that we must
make use of the words of the gallant captain himself. The
work had been nearly suppressed by Rodolph the Second, at
the instigation of Gregory XIII., from the extensive effects
it had been supposed to produce in the propagation of the
The translation bears the date of 1650.
COLLOQUIA MENSALIA.
309
Lutheran doctrines. It was even declared, that any one
who should be found with a copy of the obnoxious work in
his possession, should be liable to capital punishment. Not-
withstanding the vigilance of Rodolph, however, one copy
escaped the names in a singular manner. A German, named
Caspar Van Sparr, a friend of Captain Bell, happening to dig
on the foundation of an old house, found a copy carefully
wrapped up in a strong linen cloth, covered over with wax,
and perfectly uninjured. Sparr was unwilling to run the
risk of publishing the work in Germany, during the reign
of Ferdinand II., whose enmity to the Protestants was too
well known, and accordingly he transmitted the book to his
friend the captain, in England, requesting him to translate
it.
"Whereupon," says Captain Bell, "I took the said
Book before mee, and manie times began to Translate the
same, but alwales I was hindered therein, beeing called up-
on about other business; insomuch, that by no possible means
I could remain by that work. Then, about six weeks after
I had received the said Book, it fell out, that I beeing in bed
with my wife one night, between twelv and one of the clock,
shee beeing asleep, but my self yet awake, there appeared
unto mee an antient man, standing at my bed's side, arraied
all in white, having a long and broad white beard, hanging
down to his girdle-steed, who, taking mee by my right ear,
spake these words following unto mee : Sirrah! Will not
you take time to Translate that book which is sent unto you
out of Germanie? I will shortly provide for you both place
and time to do it.' And then liec vanisht away out of my
sight. Whereupon, beeing much thereby affrighted, I fell
into an extreme sweat, insomuch, that my Wife awaking,
and finding mec all over wet, shee asked mee what I ailed ?
I told her what I had seen and heard; but I never did heed
nor regard visions nor dreams, and so the same fell soon out
of my mind.
"Then about a fortnight after I had seen that Vision, on
a Sundale I went to White-hall to hear the Sermon, after
which ended, I returned to my lodging, which was then in
King's Street at Westminster, and sitting down to dinner
with my Wife, two Messengers were sent from the whole
Council-board, with a warrant to carrie mee to the keeper of
the Gatehous, Westminster, there to bee safely kept until far-
ther Order from the Lords of the Council, which was don
without showing mee any caus at all wherefore I was com-
mitted. Upon which said Warrant I was kept there ten
whole years close Prisoner, where I spent five years thereof
about the Translating of the said Book: insomuch as I found
the words very true which the old man in the foresaid VisionA
did sale unto inee, I will shortly provide for you both time
and place to Translate it.""]
[.310 ]
COLLOQUIA MENSALIA.
XXI. THAT FAITH OVERCOMETH THE DEVIL.
THE devil (said Luther) is a spirit, and a found-
er of presumption; he will not be driven away
by an unbelieving, a wild, or a rude Christian,
but it is faith that overcometh him. I knew a doc-
tor of physic (said Luther) who beheld the bap-
tising of a child in the church, and diligently
hearkened to the words of the institution in bap-
tism, out of which he drew a strong faith, inso-
much, that with great joyfulness, he said, "If I
knew that I was baptised with these words, like as
this child is, then I would stand no more in fear of
the devil." Now, as the godfathers, and the rest
standing by the christening, told him, that he was
even so baptised, and that the same words were
also spoken at his christening; then the said doc-
tor apprehended so great a courage and spirit, that
he feared no misfortune. Now, not long after this,
it happened that the devil appeared to this doctor
in the shape of a goat with long horns, and showed
himself in such manner upon a wall. The doctor
well marked, that it was the devil, plucked up a good
heart, took the goat by the horns, and pulled hin
from the wall, struck the goat upon a table, kept
the horns in his hands, and the body vanished.
Another person, beholding the same, thought with
COLLOQUIA MENSALIA.
311
himself, Hath the doctor done this ? so will I also do
it. I am baptised as well as he. Now, as the de-
vil, in the shape of a goat, met and appeared like-
wise unto him, he attempted also to do this mira-
cle, and out of presumption flew upon the horns of
the goat, but the devil wrung his neck asunder,
and slew him. In such sort goeth it (said Lu-
ther) with them that presumptuously will imitate
those examples, that only pertain to faith, without
which the like is not to be accomplished.
Anno 1521, as I departed from Worms, (said
Luther,) and not far from Eisenach, I was taken pri-
soner. I was lodged in the castle of Wartburg in
Pathmo, in a chamber far from people, where
none could have access unto me, but only two boys,
that twice a-day brought me meat and drink ;
now, among other things, they brought me hazel-
nuts, which I put into a box, and sometimes I used
to crack and eat of them. In the night time, my
gentleman, the devil, came and got the nuts out of
the box, and cracked them against one of the bed-
posts, making a very great noise and rumbling
about my bed; but I regarded him nothing at all:
when afterwards I began to slumber, then he kept
such a racket and rumbling upon the chamber
stairs, as if many empty hogsheads and barrels had
been tumbled down; and although I knew that
the stairs were strongly guarded with iron-bars, so
that no passage was either up or down, yet I arose
and went towards the stairs to see what the mat-
ter was, but finding the door fast shut, I said, " Art
thou there? So be there still." I committed my-
self to Christ my Lord and Saviour, of whom it
is written, Omnia subjecisti pedibus ejus, and then
laid me down to rest again.
1
312
TABLE-TALK.
XXII. THAT THE DEVIL MAY BE DRIVEN AWAY
BY RIDICULOUS CONTEMNING AND JEERING.
WHEN at the first I began to write against the
Pope, and that the gospel went on, then the devil
laid himself strongly therein; he ceased not to rum-
ble and rage about, for he willingly would have
preserved purgatory at Magdeburg, et discursum
animarum. For there was a citizen, whose child
died, for which he refused to have vigilia and
soul-masses to be sung; then the devil played his
freaks,—came every night, about twelve of the clock,
into the chamber where the child died, and made
a whining like a young child. The good citizen
being therewith full of sorrow, knew not what
course to take. The Popish priests cried out, and
said, "O, now you see how it goeth when vigils
are not held and solemnized," &c. Whereupon the
citizen sent to me, (said Luther,) desiring my ad-
vice therein, (for my sermon, which lately before
I preached, touching this sentence, they have Moses
and the prophets, was gone out in print, which the
citizen had read.) Then I wrote unto him from
Wittemberg, and advised him, not to suffer any
vigils at all to be held, for he might be fully assu-
red, that these were merely pranks of the devil.
Whereupon the children and servants in the house
jeered and contemned the devil, and said, "What
dost thou, Satan? Avoid, thou cursed spirit, and
get thou gone to the place where thou oughtest to
be-into the pit of hell," &c. Now, as the devil
marked their contempt, he left off his game, and
came there no more: Quia est superbus spiritus,
et non potest ferre contemptum sui.
COLLOQUIA MENSALIA.
313
XXIII. HOW THE DEVIL CAN DECEIVE PEOPLE.
A gentleman had a fair young wife which died,
and was also buried. Not long after, the gentle-
man and his servant lying together in one cham-
ber, his dead wife in the night-time approached
into the chamber, and leaned herself upon the gen-
tleman's bed, like as if she had been desirous to
speak with him. The servant (seeing the same two
or three nights one after another) asked his mas-
ter whether he knew, that every night a woman in
white apparel came unto his bed. The gentleman
said, "No: I sleep soundly, (said he,) and see no-
thing." When night approached, the gentleman,
considering the same, lay waking in bed. Then
the woman appeared to him, and came hard to his
bed-side. The gentleman demanded who she was?
She answered, "I am your wife." He said, "Mv
wife is dead and buried." She said,
She said, "True: by
reason of your swearing and sins I died; but if
you would take me again, and would also abstain
from swearing one particular oath, which common-
ly you use, then would I be your wife again." He
said, "I am content to perform what you desire."
Whereupon his dead wife remained with him,
ruled his house, lay with him, ate and drank with
him, and had children together. Now, it fell out,
that on a time the gentleman had guests, and his
wife, after supper, was to fetch out of his chest
some banqueting stuff: She staying somewhat
long, her husband (forgetting himself) was moved
thereby to swear his accustomed oath; whereupon
the woman vanished that instant. Now, seeing she
returned not again, they went up into the chamber
to see what was become of her. There they found
the gown which she wore, half lying within the
2 D
314
TABLE-TALK.
chest and half without; but she was never seen
afterwards. This did the devil (said Luther); he
can transform himself into the shape of a man or
woman.
The Prince Elector of Saxony (John Frederick,)
having received advertisement of this strange acci-
dent, sent thereupon presently unto me (said Lu-
ther,) to have my opinion what I held of that wo-
man, and of the children which were begotten of
these two persons? Whereupon I wrote to his
Highness, that in my opinion, neither that wo-
man, nor those children, were right human crea-
tures, but devils; for the devil casteth before the
eyes a blaze, or a mist, and so deceiveth the peo-
ple; insomuch that one thinketh he lieth by a right
woman, and yet is no such matter; for, as St Paul
saith, the devil is strong by the children of unbe-
lief. But inasmuch as children, or devils, are con-
ceived in such sort, the same are very horrible and
fearful examples, in that Satan can plague and so
torment people, as to beget children. Like unto
this is it also with that which they call the Nix,
in the water, who draweth people unto him, as
maids and virgins, of whom he begetteth (devils)
children. The devil can also steal children away,
(as sometimes children within the space of six
weeks after their birth are lost,) and other child-
ren, called Supposititii, or Changelings, laid in
their places. Of the Saxons they are called Kill-
crops.
XXIV. OF A CHANGED CHILD AT DESSAU.
Eight years since (said Luther) at Dessau, I did
see and touch such a changed child, which was
twelve years
years of age; he had his eyes and all mem-
bers like another child: He did nothing but feed,
COLLOQUIA MENSALIA.
315
and would eat as much as two clowns or thresh-
ers were able to eat. When one touched it, then
it cried out: When any evil happened in the house,
then it laughed and was joyful; but when all went
well, then it cried, and was very sad. I told the
Prince of Anhalt, if I were prince of that country,
so would I venture Homicidium thereon, and
would throw it into the river Moldaw.-I admo-
nished the people devoutly to pray to God to take
away the devil; the same was done accordingly,
and the second year after, the changeling died.
In Saxonia, near unto Halberstad, was a man
that also had a Killcrop, who sucked the mother
and five other women dry; and, besides, devoured
very much. This man was advised that he should,
in his pilgrimage at Halberstad, make a promise of
the Killcrop to the Virgin Mary, and should cause
him there to be rocked. This advice the man fol-
lowed, and carried the changeling thither in a bas-
ket. But going over a river, being upon the bridge,
another devil that was below in the river called,
and said, "Killcrop, Killerop!" Then the child
in the basket, that never before spoke one word,
answered, “Ho, ho." The devil in the water ask-
ed further, "Whither art thou going?" The child
in the basket said, "I am going towards Hockle◄
stad, to our loving mother, to be rocked." The man,
being much affrighted thereat, threw the child, with
the basket, over the bridge into the water. Where-
upon the two devils flew away together, and cried,
"Ho, ho, ho," tumbling, themselves one over an-
other, and so vanished.
Such Changelings and Killerops (said Luther)
supponit Satan in locum verorum filiorum; for
the devil hath this power, that he changeth child-
316
TABLE-TALK.
ren, and in stead thereof, layeth devils in the cra-
dles, which prosper not, only they feed and suck :
But such changelings live not above eighteen or
nineteen years.
XXV.
CONCERNING SAMUEL, THAT APPEARED
TO KING SAUL.
It was not the Prophet Samuel, which, at Saul's
request, the witch caused to appear unto him, but
it was a sprite, or an evil spirit, (said Luther)
which hereby is proved:-God commandeth in
Moses, that the truth should not be inquired after
by the dead, &c. Therefore it was a delusion in
the shape and likeness of that man of God. Like
as that conjurer (the Abbot of Spanheim) brought
to pass, that Maximilian, the Emperor, saw walk-
ing in his bed-chamber all the deceased great Hea-
then Emperors, and how every one of them in his
life time was proportioned and apparelled; among
whom was Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, also
the spouse of Maximilian, which Charles Gibbosus
took away from him.
· XXVI.
A FEARFUL HISTORY OF A SCHOLAR,
WHO GAVE HIMSELF OVER TO THE DEVIL.
Anno 1538, the 13th of February, a young stu-
dent of Wittemberg, named Valerius, of Leipsic,
by myself (said Luther) was absolved in the Sa-
cristy, in the presence of the deacon and his tu-
tor, George Major. The same was very rude and
disobedient to his tutor. At last, being examined
and asked, why he lived so lewd and dissolute kind
of life, fearing neither God nor man? He there-
fore confessed, that five years past, he had given
himself over to the devil with these words, "I
renounce and deny thy faith, O Christ, and hence-
forward will be entertained by another Master."
COLLOQUIA MENSALIA.
317
Touching these words, (said Luther,) I examined
him, and chid him sharply, and I asked him if he
had spoken any words more to the devil? He an-
swered, "No." Then I asked him, if he was sorry
for it, and if now he would return again to our Sa-
viour Christ? Whereupon he answered, and said,
!!" Yea," and earnestly persisted in praying. Then
I laid my hand upon him, and with the rest that
were by, I kneeled down, prayed the Lord's prayer,
and afterwards said,-
"Lord God, Heavenly Father, who, through thy
well-beloved Son, hast commanded us to pray, and
in thy holy Christian Church hast ordained and
instituted the office of preaching, that with meek
spirit we should instruct, and recover again, such
of our brethren, which, through some fault, might
be overtaken-And Christ, thy only Son, himself
saith, I am not come, but only for the cause of sin-
ners: wherefore we pray thee, for this thy servant,
that thou wouldst pardon and forgive him his sins,
and inclose him again in the Article of Remission
of Sins, and receive him again into the bosom of
thy Holy Church, for thy dear Son's sake, Christ
Jesus our Lord. Amen.
Afterwards I spoke these words following to the
youth, in the High German tongue, (which he spoke
after me): "I Valerius, confess before God and
all his holy Angels, and before the Assembly of
this Church, that I did renounce and deny the faith
of my God, and gave myself over to the devil:
The same is grievous unto me, and I am heartily
sorry: I will henceforward be a professed enemy
to the devil, and I will conform myself to the will of
my Lord God, and amend myself. Amen."
Hereupon I admonished him to repentance, and
2 D 2
318
TABLE-TALK.
God's fear, and that henceforth he should in god-
liness, civility, and in obedience, live, and should,
by faith and prayer, resist the counsels of the de-
vil: And when the devil should take hold on him
with wicked cogitations, then should he arm him-
self with God's word, and presently should repair
to his tutor, or minister, discover the same unto
him, and should reject the devil, with his counsels
and advices. This young student, (said Luther,)
from that time forward, grew and became a very
good and godly Christian.
XXVII. OF GOOD AND EVIL ANGELS.
The angels (said Luther) are near unto us, and
to those creatures whom, by God's command,
they are to keep and preserve, to the end they re-
ceive no hurt of the devil, and be made away. And
withal, they behold God's face, and stand before
him. Therefore, when the devil intendeth to hurt
us, then the loving holy angels do resist and drive
him away; for the angels have long arms, and al-
though they stand before the presence of God and
his Son Christ, yet, notwithstanding, they are hard
by and about us in our affairs, which by God in
our vocations we are commanded to take in hand.
The devil (said Luther) is also near about us, and
every twinkling of an eye deceitfully tracketh after
our lives, our saving healths, and salvation: But
the protection of the holy angels does defend us
from him, insomuch that he is not able to work
us such mischief as willingly he would. Many de-
vils are in woods, in waters, in wildernesses, and
in dark pooly places, ready to hurt and prejudice
people. Some (said Luther) are also in the thick
black clouds, which do cause hail, lightning, and
thunderings, do poison the air, the pastures, and
COLLOQUIA MENSALIA.
319
grounds; when these things happen, then the phi-
losophers and physicians do say, it is natural; they
ascribe it to the planets, and shew I know not what
reasons for such misfortunes and plagues as pro-
ceed and fall thereout.
XXVIII. THAT THE ANGELS ARE LORD'S PRO-
TECTORS.
It were neither good nor fitting for us to know,
how earnestly the holy angels do strive for us
against the devils, how hard a strife and combat
it is; for, (said Luther,) if we should see that one
only devil made and prepared work for so many
angels, and put them to it, then we should be dis-
couraged. Therefore the Holy Scripture, with few
and plain words, saith, "he hath given his angels
charge over thee," &c. Also, "the angel of the
Lord campeth himself round about those that fear
him," &c. But, said Luther, thou, whosoever thou
art, that feareth the Lord, be of good courage, take
thou no care, neither be faint-hearted, nor make
any doubt of the angels' waking, watching, and
protection; for most certainly they are about and
by thee, and do carry thee upon their hands. But
how and in what manner it is done, take thou no
care for that. God saith it, therefore it is most
sure and certain. In Job it is written, "Behold,
among his servants there is none without wander-
ing And in his messengers, or angels, he find-
eth foolishness, namely, in the evil spirits."
Concerning angels (said Luther,) this is my
opinion, whereupon I stand stiff and stedfast. I do
verily believe, that the angels already are up in
arms, they are putting on their harness and girding
their swords about them. For (said he) the day
of judgment draweth near, and the angels prepare
320
TABLE-TALK.
themselves for the fight and combat, and that with-
in the space of a few hundred years they will strike
down both Turk and Pope into the Bottomless Pit
of Hell.
XXIX. HOW AN ANGEL PRESERVED A CHILD.
In a place not far from Zwicka, in Franconia,
(said Luther,) where I lay at that time, it happened
that a child (which scarcely could go or speak) in
winter time lost itself in a wood near unto Zwicka,
and was constrained to remain in the wood three
nights and two days; in which time there fell a
great snow, insomuch that the child was covered
therewith. But every day there came a man, and
brought it something to eat, and to drink, and went
away again. On the third day, the man came and
brought meat, and led the child from the place
where it lay, into the road-way, by which means it
got home, and told the parents, plainly, what had
happened. I heard the child relate it myself, as
significantly and plainly, (which neither before, nor
in three years' space after that time, spake any word
that might well be understood,) as I myself could
have related the same. This man (said Luther)
that attended on the child, was an angel.
[ 321 ]
INDEX.
PART I. FRENCH.
PAGE.
PAGE.
Acrlemy, the French,
81
Baptism and Marriage,
125
Adam,
18
Baron,
140
Adjectives,
161
•
Bassompierre, M. de,
42, 69
Alfonso, King of Castile,
116
Agesilaus,
52
Batru, M. de, 18, 21, 22,
Beaubourg,
22, 129
115
Aim, a legal,
123
Benoise and Henry III.,
121
Alexandrines,
43
Bergerac,
30
Alzire,
162
Bible, the,
162
Anagrams,
66
Bibles,
108
Ancients, navigation of the, 90
Bibliomania,
82
Angers, the Canon of,
12
Bossuet,
125
Anjou, Curate of,
19
Bourbon, the Constable of,
89
Antagonist, an agreeable,
20
Bourdonne, Madame de,
25
Antagonist, an invisible,
137
Bouts Rimés,
36
Antimony,
97
Boxhorn,
74
Antipater and Barmacides,
146
Brain, how to turn the,
109
Antipathies,
76
Brancas, Count de,
15
Apollonius Tyanæus,
116
Brevity,
128
Apoplexy,
18
Brioche,
142
Application, classical,
54
Brissac, M. de,
126
Apprehension,
119
Brothers, the,
127
Arabia,
108
Calvin,
118
Arabian Numerals,
54
Candour,
128
Argumentum ad Hominem,
Cannon, the,
137
the,
127
Capuchins,
148
Attila and Alaric, the Graves
Cardinals, young,
121
of,
75
Carmeline the Dentist,
72
Audience, a Select,
16
Casaubon,
20
Aurelian,
75
Castalio,
110
Authors, imprisoned,
79
Chance,
82
Authors, poverty of,
80
Chapelain,
102, 118
Banault,
150
Charles II. of Spain,
89
Banker, the dying,.
105 Charles V.,
75.
322
INDEX.
PAGE.
Charms,
117
Gascon, a,
Christianity, writers against,
115
Gasconade, a terrible,
Church, paving the,
150
Cicero,
26
Gascon and his horse, the,
Cicero, Eloquence of,
67
Ciphers,
31
Coaches,
106
Coins,
121
Gascon skater, the,
Colours,
ib.
Gascon, the,
Complaisance,
Condé,
Congreve,
Conjurer, the,
Consolation,
33
Gascon, the lame,
121
Gasconades,
Gascon and the singer, the,
Gascon bed, a,
Gascon, Louis XIV., and the, 156
Gascon turned architect, the, 155
PAGE.
73
135
135
138
147
134
136
71
134
158
Glass,
98
130 Granimont, M. de,
41
116
Granvelle, Cardinal,
36
Contagion,
59
Gregory VII.,
116
Corneille, P.,
78
Grey hairs,
39
Cornuel, Madame de,
16
Guarantee, a conditional,
128
Countenance, a Borrowed,
125
Haller,
152
Crusaders, the,
120
Heart and the face, the,
137
Cujas,
110
Helen,
73
Dancourt,
140
Henry IV.,
35
Daguerre,
137
Hissing,
111
Decimals,
56
Hit, a lucky,
43
Dedications,
79
Hyperboles,
65
Delphin Classics,
52
Deodati and Dumoulin,
94
Immortality,
Descartes,
91
Hypothesis, a disagreeable,
Impossibility, fortunate,
18
19
29
Desessarts,
144
Impromptus,
16
D'Etrees, the Marechal,
Discourse, an extempore,
100
127 Information, the latest,
Instruction, late,
19
78
Diseases,
120
Interment, a premature,
133
Doctor, the Swiss,
66
Irene,
148
Dog, fidelity of a,
60
Jesuit, the,
33
Domestic Economy,
23
Judge and the advocate, the, 61
Don Carlos,
91
Julia, the garland of,
57
Dragon, the fight with the,
92
Julian the Apostate,
70
Dufresne,
146
Julius Cæsar,
26
Dufresni,
145
Lambert, Madame de,
143
D'User, M.,
33
Languages,
15
Dutch, the,
117
Latin verse,
37
Eagle,
153
Launoi,
18
Eaters, great,
122
Launoi, Jean de,
81
Erasmus' Colloquies,
91
Launoi, M. de,
107
Errata, intentional,
22
Leaves, spots in,
63
Esdras,
109
Legrand,
140
Exchange, a fair,
77
L'Estang, M. de, and Ma-
Fanatic, French,
39
rolles,
20
Fever, painting a,
70
Letter-reading,
52
Fevers, cure of, in Sweden,
71
Lille, Gualtier de,
37
Fight well, how to,
138
Literary Entertainments,
32
Financier,
126
Lodi, Marco de,
41
Financiers,
119
Louis and the porter,
122
Fouquet,
88
Louis XI.,
89
Four P's, the,
31
Louis XII.,
39, 73
Francis I.,
95, 124
Louis XIV.,
121
Garland, the,
110
Louis XIV. and Spinola,
38
Garments, tearing the,
99
Louvre, the,
131
INDEX.
323
PAGE.
PAGE.
Love,
Lyons, archbishop.of,
64
Racans, the Three,
16
25
Rats,
76
Malherbe,
34
Raucourt, Mademoiselle,
145
Marigny, M.,
74
Rehearsal interrupted, the, 139
Marmontel,
155
Retort courteous, the,
21
Marriage,singular contract of, 101
Returning thanks,
26
Martinon, M.
18
Richard I.,
126
Martyrs, the eleven thou-
Richelieu, Card.
23, 24, 24, 84
sand,
105
Road, how to lengthen a,
114
Massora, the,
111
Rolinus' Sermons,
39
Matrimonial
consolation,
128
Roman Calendar,
98
Medicine,
11, 152
Rome,
119
Medicis, Mary de,
29, 38
Sachot, M.
25
Menage,
117
Samson,
54
Mind, absence of,
104
Sancho Panza,
145
Misanthrope, the,
159
Santeuil,
129
Moliere,
17
Satire, how to circulate a,
95
Montaigne,
47
Scaliger, Julius,
110
Montfleure,
145
Scarron,
52
Montmaur,
103
Scepticism,
71
Montmorency, the Constable, 88
Sellery, M. de,
41
More, Sir Thomas,
67
Sepulchral Lainps,
99
Muretus,
39
Servants,
30
National character,
26
Settlement, a Conditional,
135
Nobility, proof of,
39, 138
Shakspeare,
152
Northern tribes,
61
Siam, the Ambassador of,
42
Oracles,
35
Simon, Father,
86
Origines,
83
Sixtus V.
112
Paper and Printing,
119
Sixtus V. and the Devil,
113
Passions, the,
152
Soldier, the dying,
130
Pavilion, the King of Siam's, 122
Sound,
62
Pellegrin,
162
Souza, Ruy,
72
Perronet, M.,
152
St Bartholomew,
89
Petrarch,
109
St John and St Paul,
41
Petrarch, Sonnet of,
66
St Pavin,
102
Philosophy, Peripatetic,
32
Stockholm, Murder in,
58
Philosophy, Solon's,
75
Sun, the,
131
Physicians,
44, 115
Swallows,
63
Physicians, Chinese,
70
Sword, the,
134
Piron and Voltaire,
156
Sugar Plums,
93
Pisani, Marquis,
114
Tailors, the,
143
Politicians,
159
Talmud,
111
Pope Innocent XI.,
127
Talon,
141
Port-Royal, Society of,
111
Time, loss of,
128
Preacher, the,
133
Travelling, rapid,
135
Priests, the Two,
131
Tristan L'Hermite,
114
Procopius and Quinctilian,
28
Trunk, how to pack a,
137
Prompter, prompting the,
111
Turgot,
161
Proof-Positive,
33
Ugliness,
95
Quantity and Quality,
128
Usurer, the Religious,
106
Queen Elizabeth,
115
Valois, M. de,
101
Questions, asking,
155
Vampyres,
19
Quid pro Quo, a,
71
Vanduren,
151
Rabelais,
54
Vayer, La Mothe le,
69
Rabutin, Bussy,
95
Verses, dying,
83
Racan,
42
Vestris,
112
324
INDEX.
FAGE.
PAGE.
Voice, value of a,
144
Voltaire's genius,
149
Voisenon, the Abbe de,
148
Voltaire's Mariamne,
144
Voiture,
83
Voltaire, thoughts of,
160
Volange,
142
Waller,
44
Volcanoes,
120
Voltaire,
159
Voltaire, aud Dr Young,
159
Wardrobe, an everlasting,
Weapons, the choice of,` 133
•
What should be done at once, 117
147
Voltaire and his cup,
157
Where to live and die,
26
Voltaire and La Motte,
160
Winds, contrary,
43
Voltaire and Montesquieu,
141
Wooden-leg, the,
131
Voltaire and the Englishman, 148
Voltaire at the Court of Sta-
World, antiquity of the,
Worth, a man of,
156
11
•
nislaus I.,
•
156
Writing, characters in,
96
PART II. ENGLISH.
Adela, a tale,
191
Adipocire,
292
Eugene, Prince,
Fact, incredible,
201
207
Akenside and Rolt,
195
Fame,
201
Apparition, real,
216
Fox,
202
Authors,
231
French-English,
285
Authors and Artists,
196
Friends,
172
•
Authors, caution to young,
200
Friendship, new proof of,
203
Authors in flower,
196
George I.,
181-205
Bernis and Fleury,
198
George II.,
188
Biographia,
ib.
Germain, Sir John,
201
Bolton, Duchess of,
ib.
Glow-beast,
294
Bon mots,
259
Ground-fires,
282
Booksellers,
199
Hardouin,
201
Bruce's travels,
ib.
Henry IV., a day of, from
Burnet,
ib.
Sully,
222
Charles I.,
200
Hieroglyphic,
205
Christmas,
165
History,
206
Commandant, a,
200
Holt, Lord Chief Justice,
291
Conscience,
166
Hume and Burnet, .
206
Contracts,
167
Humility
172
Cortes,
266
Hypercriticism,
207
Damnation,
107
Incendiarics,
172
Democrats,
201
Indolence,
207
Devils,
Dogs,
Drama,
168
Insanity, symptoms of,
227
277
Jews,
172
219
Johnson, Dr,
•
207
Duel,
169
Judgments, contemporary,
200
Earth-Bathing,
291
Judges,
173
Epistle, smart,
220
Junius,
208
Equity,
170
•
Language,
175, 266
Erudition, folly of,
202
Law,
17
INDEX.
325
PAGE.
PAGE.
Learning,
175
Power,
179
Learning encouraged,
209
Price of making a park a gar-
Libels,
175
den,
215
Longevity,
284
Proverb, provincial,
ib.
Marlborough, Duchess of,
209
Proverbs, beautiful,
198
Marriage,
176
Quakers, female,
201
Mary, Queen of Scotland,
209
Quarrels, female,
201
Mathematics,
Measure of things,
Ministers, two,
Moral honesty,
Munchausen,
210
Question, artful,
198
176
Reverence,
180
211
Robertson, Dr,
219
177
Robinson Crusoe, the new, 211
279
Sea-fires,
280
•
Mysterious mother,
197
Sentiment,
210
Nationality, French,
202
Snails,
292
Novel, new idea of a,
211
State,
•
179, 180
Novels, classification of,
79
Step, the first,
292
Number,.
177
Stories, stupid,
221
Oath, emphatic,
201
•
Streets, anecdotes of,
195
Oath, value of an,
229
Suffolk, Countess of,
221
Qaths,
177
Swift,
227
Obligation, odd,
Otranto, Castle of,
Parson,
212
Tale, strange,
220
ib.
Tarring and feathering,
293
178
Tigre, national,
928
Passengers in Landscape,
213
Toleration,
288
Pauw,
ib.
'Tomb-flies,
278
Peasant, heroism of a.
201
Tragedy and Comedy,
227
Pennant,
ib.
Ventilating a town, mode of, 285
Physiognomy,.
214
Voltaire,
1490
Poetry,
178
War,
288
·
Pope, the,
179
Wilkes, patriotism of,
220
Poulet, Lord William.
214
Will, free,
171
PART III. ITALIAN.
Biter bit, the,
·
304
Madman of Milan, the,
299
Cane, Facino,
jb.
Monk, the corpulent,
303
Consolation,
302
Nothing,
302
Dog, the testament of the,
307
Perugia, the orator of,
301
Horse, how to pay for a,
306
Phenomenon, singular,
305
Knave, a dexterous,
303
Sermon, a short,
301
Laziness,
300
Sick, how to cure the,
303
Lent,
ib.
Venetian, the
302, 305
Lusco, Antonio,
301, 304
Words and Works,
306
GERMAN.
That Faith overcometh the Devil, .
That the Devil may be driven away by ridiculous con-
temning and jeering,
#
310
512
326
INDEX.
How the Devil can deceive people,
Of a changed Child at Dessau,
Concerning Samuel that appeared to King Saul,
A fearful History of a Scholar who gave himself over
to the Devil,
Of good and evil Angels,
That the Angels are Lord's Protectore,
How an Angel preserved a Child,
.
FINIS.
EDINBURGH:
PRINTED BY BALLANTYNE & co.
PAGE.
313
214
316
ib.
318
319
320

BOUND
OCT 22 1945
UNIV OF MICH.
LIBRARY
: