WILLIAM L.
CLEMENTS
LIBRARY
The
James
Shearer II
Fund
UNIVERSITY
OF
MICHIGAN

RO


LIFE
OF
MRS. JANE BARRON.
CONTAINING
A FAITHFUL HISTORY
OF HER VARIOUS TRIALS, SUFFERINGS, &c.;
THROUGH CHILDHOOD, AS
AN
ORPHAN-WOMANHOOD
AS
WIFE
AND
MOTHER ; INCLUDING AN ACCOUNT OF HER JOURNEY TO, AND AD-
VENTURES IN, CALIFORNIA IN 1853.
DAYTON, O.
PUBLISHED AT THE EMPIRE STEAM PRINTING HOUSE.
1857.


PREFACE.
It was not until a late period of my life that I determined to
write, for publication, my varied experience, trials, sufferings and
happiness in life. When in California in 1853, after having en-
dured the hardships incident to such a journey---yobbery on the
Isthmus, and the return of my husband, after twenty-seven years
absence ; I determined to leave on record, for the benefit of those
who should read my book, a faithful account of my history,
through childhood as an orphan; womanhood, as wife and mother;
and widowhood ; including nearly thirty years of separation from
a husband whose drunkenness and brutality compelled me to take
my two children and flee to the shelter of less near and dear rel-
atives in life, than that of husband should be.
In writing my
history, I have avoided all romance, and related in simple lao-
guage, a “plain unvarnished tale."


CHAPTER I.
I was born in the county of Seneca, in the State of New York, in
1799. My father was a farmer, and my mother dying when I
was but three months old, I was placed with my uncle and aunt
in Orange County, in the town of Minesink, in whose charge I re-
mained until my marriage, in 1821.
My mother had five sons and one daughter. I was a twin,
and my twin brother is now living in Seneca county, New York.
My Uncle and Aunt were all that a father and mother could be.
Having no family of their own, I was a pet with them, and was
treated with marked indulgence. My Uncle's name was John
Bradner, a man of great goodness, who held the offices of Justice
of the Peace and Judge of the County Court, and was very much
respected. He was a farmer in early life, but afterwards sold his
farm and embarked in the mercantile business with Mr. Wickham,
President of the Orange County Bank. As the reader will learn,
it was through the change of business, that I was brought in con-
tact with Alexander Barron, to whom I was married in 1821.
I have often thought that my Uncle was too indulgent for my
good. He never gave me a cross word, much less a blow. In-
deed I was never punished for any thing during my twenty-two
years residence in his family.
They always seemed like father and mother to me, and I treat-
ed them as such. They spared no pains with my education and
accomplishments. I was sent to school when only four years of
age, and I enjoyed all the advantages which that region afford-
ed, until my eighteenth year had come and gone.
The tendency of my mind was always business rather than edu-

6
LIFE OF
cational life. I felt as if I could accomplish something for myself,
if I only had a chance.
The only outlet for this talent while my Uncle was a farmer, was
working in the garden, raising poultry, nice cooking and sewing.
These things I did when and as I pleased, but never was required
to labor except when I chose. I was fond of entertaining com-
pany, but cared very little about going out myself. I was fond of
riding on horseback, and my uncle bought me a large fine bay
horse, gay as a lark--made me a present of a splendid saddle,
which was covered with a beautiful Leopard skin of orange and
black. The bridle was mounted with silver with three reins and
bits suited to a fractious horse. My riding dress was in the hight
of fashion, made of deep blue broad cloth, and studded with scores
of jet black buttons. My riding hat was sky blue uncut velvet,
adorned with two large feathers of the same rich color. This
with my short black veil, riding whip and gloves, constituted an
outfit of which any one might feel proud. My Uncle took great
pleasure in riding trips with me, for he admired both the niece
and ber outfit, as well as the horse and his mountings.
As my Uncle moved in the first society, and I was regarded as
his adopted daughter, my association was courted by a large circle
of acquaintance. We lived in the best style, and was surrounded
by the most refined and intellectual company.
Mr. Bradner was a man of great benevolence, always fond of
doing good without ostentation.
At this period in the history of the State of New York men were
imprisoned for debt, and many smaller crimes, which to-day pass
without reproof. Acting in the capacity of magistrate my uncle
often displayed his goodness by becoming security for those
whom the law and heartless creditors could shut up in a felon's
place. As a result he was reduced in property, and of course in
the estimate of most monied men. He was a good business man,
made money easily and rapid, but was too benevolent to retain
possession of it when so many demands were made upon his sym-
pathies. His honesty was proverbial, and he was correspondingly
confiding in the good intent of every body by whom he was sur-

MRS. JANE BARRON.
7
rounded. He carried on an extensive dairy, and my aunt was con-
sidered one of the best butter makers of Orange County, a county
world-wide in butter making fame. Finding himself somewhat em-
barrassed by the failure of those who had purchased his butter, to
pay, he felt compelled to sell his farm, and with the surplus pro-
ceeds embarked in mercantile life, with the President of the
Orango Co. Bank. Want of acquaintance with such business
was the cause of his failure. He trusted everybody and lost by
dishonesty and fraud. Here I learned that mankind should be
treated as though they were rogues. Here too I learned that the
finest talents, the best education, the most exalted worth, are all
alike a certain prey to the horrible vice of intemperance. Not
the barriers of pride, affection, loss of home, wife, children, prop-
erty are anything before this fell destroyer. Here I became ac-
quainted with Alexander Barron, a gentleman from Charleston,
South Carolina, a young man of fine appearance and good address,
well educated and highly esteemed for his superior business quali-
ties.
He was employed by the President of the Bank to superintend
the various purchases of his mercantile business-exchange
money and buy his goods in the City of New York. Mr. Barron
boarded in my uncle's family which was the immediate cause of
my acquaintance with him, and of my life-long unhappiness, as
the reader will learn in subsequent pages.
Having no brother or male acquaintance to wait upon me, Mr.
Barron used to accompany me to parties, and by this means, his
kindness was impressed upon my heart.
We often went riding
on horseback together,sometimes enjoying sleigh rides and winter
parties, all of which I found was laying the foundation deeper and
deeper of my affection towards him. This was the period of my
joyous life. I knew no guile myself and felt that all others were
equally sincere. I never knew what it was to be crossed in any
of my innocent and childlike desires. The idea of coldness and
mistreatment was alike unknown. I had a good home, kind treat-
ment and the best of social enjoyment. It seemed to me that all
came trying to make me happy, and I was happy. My Uncle

8
LIFE OF
travelled much about the County,and always delighted in taking me
along. My address was so good and my appearance was such
as to make me feel quite at home in the most fashionable circles,
and my uncle took great pride in having me stand first in rank
wherever we went.
I often bore him company to the city of New York, mingling
with the most aristocratic families, when I had any opportunity for
outside accomplishment. I was petted and admired both for my
good looks and accomplishments.
I had some of the best offers in marriage but refused theru all.
My fondness for Barron increased by our intimacy. His per-
sonal appearance had a decided effect upon my preference for
him over others. I had not learned that outside appearances may
be so deceiving. How completely young girls are in the power of
such young men, who make every thing appear fair when in their
presence, and then practice such outrage and wrong when beyond
our reach.
My knowledge of human nature was wholly superficial.
Barron evinced a great deal of attachment for me, and offered
himself in marriage, I yielded with the fondest anticipations of fu-
ture happiness. My aunt was willing at first that I should marry
Barron, but my Uncle would have greatly preferred that I should
remain single. He was opposed to my marrying Barron or any
one else.
Sometime after my engagement with Barron, Uncle says to me,
“Jane, I am sorry you have consented to marry Barron, for I
think you can do much better.”' “You are too young to marry,"
said he.
“I am engaged Uncle," said I, “and it is now too late for re-
pentance."
I had thought that an engagement was sacred and must be ad-
hered to under all circumstances.
Uncle seemed to have gloomy forebodings of the future. He
regretted that Barron had ever came into his family, or that he
had ever had anything to do with him.
“Why," said I, uncle, you always told me you thought highly
2

MRS. JANE BARRON.
9
of Barron, you have always spoken of him in such exalted terms,
that I had made up my mind that it was all as you said.”
"Yes my child," said the good man, but I only spoke of him
as a business man, but never supposed I was impressing your
mind that he was good enough for a husband.” “I think,” said
he, (and the tears trickled down his cheeks,) that he will not make
you a good husband.”
I looked up in the face of benevolence and parental tenderness,
and would have given all the world if I could have recalled the
plighted faith which in conscious innocence I had yielded up to
Barron.
I mingled my tears freely with his. I told him I saw no way
of escape, but if he had said as much before our engagement all
could have been saved. Aunt now entered the room to call us
out to tea. Here she discovered the evidence of our sorrow, and
enquried the cause. I told her all. “Oh!” said she, perhaps
Barron will make a good husband. I hope he may.” She was a
domestic woman and enjoyed but few of the chances to know his
character which my uncle possessed, for he saw Barron in the
various attitudes and relations of life.
Uncle had discovered that Barron was overbearing and feared
the introduction of this quality into the domestic circle.
He gave up further discourse at this time and adjourned to tea
but our hearts were too depressed for the usual happiness at our
evening meal.
Mr. Barron was of course unadvised of what had been said,
and
we all agreed that he should remain ignorant of what had trans-
pired.

10
LIFE OF
3
CHAPTER II.
As the time drew near for our approaching nuptials, Barron
showed more clearly than ever before the qualities which my bener-
olent uncle had so much feared, He seemed to think that he had
unfledged his wings and bound me fast in his unequal embrace.
The time had now come when our union should be publicly
celebrated. Uncle and Aunt lost no opportunity and spared
neither pains or expense in giving us the best kind of an outfit. -
We went to New York and he purchased everything I wished.
Being fond of dress, every thing nice and stylish was selected,
and my Uncle seemed happy in my complete satisfaction.
At the wedding we had a very large party. Every thing passed
off brilliantly, and now the time for my sorrow had arrived. The
needle points not to the pole with greater certainty, than I discov-
ered daily appearances of Barron's overbearing disposition.
I had married with the hope and expectation that my joy would
be increased and my happiness multiplied, but soon began to
fear my expectations were wholly unreal. I made every effort to
please my husband and try to make him happy, but I saw the
storm gathering in the dim distance, but in spite of my trying to
please and seem happy, the iron of disappointment had entered
my soul. I had never thought of grief, I had never known any
trial.
Sometimes Baron was hard to be pleased, and I wondered

MRS. JANE BARRON.
11
what was the matter, still increasing my exertions to please him.
Sometimes he would hardly speak to any of the family, which
was so novel for any of our house, that uncle and aunt as well as
myself grew unhappy as we thought of days gone by.
We all lived on in the same house as before I was married. The
change in Barron was a subject of frequent conversation. Uncle
sometimes referred to his prophesy before our marriage, and said
he was not disappointed, while aunt began to think "Jane had
made herself miserable for life.” Uncle used often to sit and cry
over my fate, and said he was afraid I would never see happiness
again.
All this was taking place within one year of our marriage.
About 18 months afterwards, Barron concluded to leave Orange
inty and go to the City of New York. Before moving, however,
he made a visit to arrange for business. He was gone so much
longer than was expected, that we grew weary and sent for him.
When he came he seemed to take little notice of me or my child,
a beautiful little girl, the pet of her aunt, who was very fond of
children.
It was now the month of March 1823, and he then gave up busi-
ness for my uncle and in May following we removed to New York,
and my husband commenced the grocery business. Up to this
time I had never known but he was temperate, though I after-
wards learned that he was in the habit of taking his glass for
some time before. He seemed quite steady for a year after go-
ing to New York, and did a successful business.
His business called him out among company, in Hotels, Por-
ter Houses and places of public resort, and undoubtedly tended
very much to increase his habit of drinking. Drinking soon
shook hands with gambling, first for amusement and then for money.
I had no knowledge of worldly affairs'; knew little or nothing of
my husband's business, and had no cause to be the least suspi-
cious. Still I could see indelible marks of his downward course.

12
LIFE OF
He used to excuse himself after long and tedious absence by
telling me of his great business, and the necessity of late hours.
I soon found that he drank a great deal, and finally in his own
store as well as in company away from home.
As he drank more he grew nervous and cross in the house.-
He was dissatisfied with everything about the house. He found
fault with his clerk in the store-left the business without atten"
tion, and the hand writing of ruin was visible upon the walls of his
business and domestic relations.
Oh; strange contrast with the happy days of my girlish inno.
cence!
The more I saw things going down the more I strove to please,
and make him happy and satisfied.
Sometimes Aunt would visit me and bring nice presents--a
beautiful dress, some fine turkies and chickens, and some of that
splendid Orange county butter.
Of all this to me such precious evidence of her goodness of
heart, Barron seemed to care so little that I felt ashamed for him.
Still Aunt came to see me, and sympathised with my trials,
while she readily saw that every thing, even Barron's business
was going down. She left me with a heavy heart, and when at
home a silent and uncomplaining victim of his growing vices.
He wanted a great deal of waiting upon, and I could never do
enough to satisfy him.
I never dared to get a dinner without consulting him, what, and
how it should be cooked, for if I did I should never hear the last
of it.
Often times he would go out and leave me alone all night-
knowing that such conduct was knawing at my vitality like 'an
ever eating cancer.
I entreated him not to go, begged him to stop before all his
money was spent and his family reduced to beggary. Deaf to my
entreaties, he swore he "would spend every darn’d cent, and it

MRS. JANE BARRON.
13
was none of my business, boxing my ears and face as an accom
paniment to his brutal course before. I now stood in bodily fear
of him, and another child was added to the wretched circle.
He cared no more for his children than for me, and seemed
wholly unconcerned how his business went on. He grew more
abusive, more fearful in word and gesture.
I was obliged to get up at a late hour of the night and let him in,
while his days would be spent in sleep instead of attending to his
business.
He was extravagant in his own clothing but bought nothing for
me or the children.
His southern pride would not permit my aunt to furnish us our
scanty clothing, while he was drinking and squandering all his
money at the gambling tables.
He seemed delighted in an aking me trouble. Imade him nice shirts
and after doing them nicely up and laying them carefully in my
bureau by themselves, he would often go there just before start-
ing out for the night and throw them all out on the carpet, unfold-
ing and leaving them in the worst possible shape. He saw I felt
bad, that the tears were running down my cheeks, but dare not
say one word while he would tantalize me by singing round and
telling me he was going out to the Theatre with his girl, and I
might keep myself as best I could. If his little children got in his
way he would box their ears, and tell them to keep out of his way.
These little creatures stood in constant fear of him who should
have been their father and protector.
When he came in, the children would run in for safety.
Often
when I have taken the utmost pains in cooking his favorite steak,
boiling and preparing it with the utmost care, he having been
out all night, and cross for want of sleep, would pitch dish and
all out of the window, damning me for doing nothing right.
I dare not say one word. Many is the day that he would have
been glad since that, to have the meals which he thus wasted, for
the purpose of outraging my feelings.

14
LIFE OF
Thus without entering more into detail, was his business and
family made a wreck of by this victim of so dreadful a habit.
Oh young men, beware of the tempting bowl, touch not, taste not;
remember the sufferings of the poor heart broken wife, and chil-
dren, worse than orphans.
“Love's dreams have all perished,
Life's visions have fled ;
And the hopes I have cherished
Are withered and dead;
Like snow in the sunshine,
Or foam on the sea,
The links are all scattered
That bound thee to me.
When I think on the past
Tis not with regret ;
Though I long for those hours
When in love we first met;
But these dreams are all perished,
Their visions have fled,
And the hopes I have cherished
Are withered and dead."

MRS. JANE BARRON.
15
CHAPTER III.
Mr. Barron had a mother and three sisters, one sister was mar-
ried and lived near Amboy, New Jersey. One married a rich
planter at the South, and the other in Norfolk, Virginia. His
mother was a very accomplished woman, as were all his sistets,
and few are the men more gentlemanly in every respect than my
husband was at the time when we first became acquainted.
Never was a wreck of nobility more complete. He had now
lost every quality which goes to make up the man.
He had lost
his own as well as the respect of every body else. He was cruel
and harsh and brutal in his family. Instead of the love which he
once seemed to bear towards me, he seemed to possess a fiendish
hate. He never spoke a pleasant word, or gave me a pleasant
look. He had lost all fondness or even care for his children, and
they stood in awe of him, who ought to love and cherish. His com-
pany was of the lowest and most degraded character. His busi-
ness was gone, and his agency for the Bank or other respectable
connexion had long since ceased.
He was out every night and nearly always came home in liquor
One night he came in much worse than common.
boy had been sick all night, with whom I had been sitting up, by
the lone pale lamp until the clock struck three. I then laid down
for a few moments and dropped asleep. Shortly Barron came and
knocked at the door. I did not hear, and he knocked again. I
My little

16
LIFE OF
then woke and hastened to the door to let him in. No sooner had
he entered than he knocked me down. He was out of patience
with me because I was not awake to hear his first rap.
What a fearful contrast between the married man, husband and
father, and the solicitous young man who asked me to leave the
paternal roof of my beloved uncle, and share life with him as his
wife and companion for life! Who could have dreamed that in
such a brief space of time, my cup of joy would be overflowing
with wormwood and gall?
He hit me on the temple, and next morning my face was very
much swollen, one eye entirely closed and revealing from its bruis-
ed appearance the evidence of his brutality.
In the morning when I showed him what he had done, he
swore he was glad, and wished to God he had killed me."
I went to our family physician and procured some medical ad-
vice, and the Doctor took occasion to advise me to leave Barron
back to my aunt. I felt as a wife and mother only can,
willing to do any thing before I would go back to my friends.
In the cool and pleasant month of October his mother came
from the South to make us a visit. It had been some years since
Barron had seen her, and one would suppose he might have felt
rejoiced to see the kind lady who had given him birth, education
and manhood. Being her first visit since our marriage, she had
counted upon much happiness from the interview. But, Oh ! her
disappointment.
What words shall we use to express that fond mother's feelings,
when she found her son a debauchee and drunkard, and a man
of cruel and beast-like propensity?
Could her eyes be deceived? Was this really her own dear
and accomplished Alexander Barron? Of course few mothers are
called upon to pass through such an ordeal; but if this autobiog-
raphy did perchance fall into the hands of such one, she alone
could measure the anguish which ran through every fibre of her
and go

MRS. JANE BARRON.
17
being. She was a lady of taste and great refinement, and had
reared her son for the exhibition of the same manly qualities. Now
my face bore the marks of his fall, and revealed in words of
living truth the depth of his degradation.
Being so disappointed in the outward appearance of all around,
she ventured to ask me, in a way so delicate as revealed her gen-
tleness, and lovely characteristics.
“What was the matter of Alexander?" and "how came my face
so injured?”
I told her all as well as 'I could, choked for utterance by tears
trickling down the deep furrowed cheek, now so careworn and
pale. The good woman had anticipated the difficulty, and hence
her backwardness in asking me before.
She said “I fear my son is a ruined man. I wonder he did
not kill you.” Tears flowed freely down that mothers' face, and
revealed the depth of her heart-felt disappointment. She had
come from the far South, to see her son and family, hoping with
fond anticipation that she might enjoy so pleasant a visit, but
alas! Her sorrow was deep and acted upon her spirits like a
severe stroke of palsy. She made up her mind to remain but
little time to witness the indications of ruin which lay scattered
all around. Indeed she felt that he was unwilling she should
remain, for the remembrance of better days, even still re-
tained, though so fearfully dimmed by the terrible effect of in-
toxication. Mrs. Barron added to her accomplishments, a deep
and fervent piety.
She evinced great fondness for my two children, but when she
saw the marks of brutality on my face, and how fearful the chil-
dren were of their unnatural father, she was overwhelmed with
grief and only found relief in her flowing tears. She designed to
pay her daughter in New Jersey a visit, and after deep reflection
on all the prospects in the case she advised me to go home to my
uncle and not try to live with him any longer. She thought it
2

18
LIFE OF
would be dangerous for me to try to live with him any longer.
She comforted me by saying that herself and daughter would aid
in educating my little son and daughter. When she got ready to
leave for New Jersey she parted with me in sorrow of the heart's
deepest well.
“Oh, Jane," said the dear good woman, you must go home to
your once happy fireside in Orange County, take your children
and do the best you can.
In the meantime I will see my daugh-
ter and something shall be done to aid and support you in your
extreme suffering.”
I can bear the stings of poverty, I can work by the midnight
lamp for the support of myself and the little orphans, now so dear
and precious to me, but how can I bear the disgrace of being a
drunkard's wife?
The world of whom I now needed so much looked on with al-
most a stoic's indifference. My relatives, who were all rich, felt
rather to find fault than to assist, yet why should I complain? I
yet had life and hope and reason left. I had the consolation of
having done my duty. What more could I expect? The good
old woman kissed the little ones, and with her tears she bade us
an affectionate “good bye."

MRS. JANE BARRON.
19
CHAPTER IV.
When Alexander came home I told him his mother was gone,
and he seemed glad for he felt some little restraint when she was
around. It was only on his poor wife that he felt perfect freedom
to expend the full measure of his brutality. "I mean," said he
(sto do as I have a mind, and will not bear dictation from neither
you or mother."
I did not dare to tell him what was his mother's
advice about my going home. When he went out that evening,
he prepared as usual to be gone all night.
"There is no mother," said he, "that can or shall prevent my
going out when I please, and staying as long as suits my pleasure.
“I intend to spend every darn’d cent I have,” said he, "I don',
care what becomes of my family.”
I did all my work except washing. To pay for help was out of
the question.
He was unwilling that I should go out to church or into any
Society.
When I first went to the city I had numerous friends who used
to visit me often. Sometimes they would stay a week or more
with us when we were doing well and able to keep up appearances,
but as soon as he began to fail in buisness, and I needed friends
so much the more, they began to leave us. I then learned that
the friendships of the world were purely superficial, at least with
very few exceptions.

20
LIFE OF
There were a few of the more permanent and substantial char-
acter, some few who stood by me in all my
troubles.
I learned in difficulty to know human nature as I could not
have otherwise done. After Alexander's mother left he still grew
worse, and his brutality to me increased until having lost all
shame, he would strike me in the face for every little thing which
before only called out words of harshness. He threatened to turn
me out of doors, while his abuse at nights on coming home was
enough to make me fear my life was in danger. My two children
had now become so afraid of their drunken father that they were
often motionless as a statue when he was in the house. The
young man who still remained in the store, was afraid that he
might murder me and my little ones, and told me his feelings
without hesitation.
The family next door were first rate people and very wealthy.--
I often went in there, and poured out my heart-felt troubles,
for they sympathized with me. Their style of life was what I
was used to, and the contrast now so wide and fearful was most
clearly shown by going from house to house, It would have been
far better for me and my children, had I left Barron long before this:
yet society seems to expect woman to bear all its ills without a
murmur and I stood in fear without as well as within. I feared
the odiuin of separation and yet saw it coming. I hoped without
reason that Barron would touch the bottom and finally turn back
to his first love. Oh! vain and deceitful hope ! Some other
neighbors took great interest in my welfare, they were kind and
obliging, sympathising and good, but all this only made me feel
my misery at home, and gnawing at my vitals. My next neigh-
bor's name was Tears, and I shall never forget the kindness which
himself and family showed me in my extreme.
Up town was another family who had singled themselves out
from the rest of mankind, and now stood firmly when true friend-
ship demanded. Their name was Terry. Dr. Keefer and wife

MRS. JANE BARRON.
21
were friends who deserve especial notice. All these advised me
to go back to my uncles, that I had suffered in hopeless misery
long enough. They felt that I was in danger of being killed as
as well as a constant sufferer from such brutality. The quarter
year's rent was falling due, and the law of creditors was not
deeply steeped in mercy. I had some good bedding left, the relics
of my better days.
My friends advised me to pack up the best and move them into
my good friend Tears. The whole family of parents and children
helped me personally. My china and silver canteens, and other
relics were privately stored in the house of these dear friends.
Barron was now gone day and night, with the exception of a
few hours. He had become careless of what took place at home,
and thus by his mere stupidity aided me in securing some things
which I might not othwerwise have done. The furniture and things
which were thus secured, were all given me by my uncle, and
though a cruel law gives everything up to the husband, placing the
wife entirely in his power, I felt as though it was mine and my
right to save what I could.
Woman has no rights. She may happen to have a husband, but
the law is all against her. She is a creature of sufferance, she has
no rights. In my case I learned the folly and cruelty of these
man-made laws. If woman is to be the subject of law, she ought
to participate in making such laws. Simple justice demands that
she be released from all bonds which are not voluntary.
I was obliged in breaking up, to use stratagem and stealth, for I
could never be gone one moment when Barron was at home but
what he would be hunting about for me. He never studied my
comfort or convenience in anything ; never seemed to feel that I
needed society; and made no provision for having it, while at the
same time he was gone all the while.
In the coldest weather in the month of January, I made ready
for a start. Only one steamboat a day ran up the North River to
Albany.

22
LIFE OF
Having prepared everything as well as I could for Barron and his
clerk to eat and get along for some days, I made ready for an im-
mediate start,
In the kindness of Mrs. Tears, she had allowed one of her
daughters to remain with me until I was ready to go. I knew Bar-
ron would come home about 12 o'clock for his dinner, as usual,
which I had prepered for him. He would then, without asking any
questions, go up stairs and take his usual sleep, and by that time I
should be far beyond his reach. While he was sleeping I could
steal away and get on board the boat. Miss Tears' presence was
some little protection to me, for he still had some respect or re-
straint when in the presence of other people.
I told the clerk to tell him, when he woke up, that I had gone up
town to see a friend. I knew if he got the slightest intimation that
I was going back to Orange County, he would be the death of me.
The day was stormy. It rained, hailed and showed. I dressed
my children as warm as I could, after Barron was asleep, and with
Mrs. Tears' help, both half frightened out of our senses, I was
soon ready for the long meditated start.
I dared not call upon the clerk for money, but Mrs. Tears supplied
me with that much needed article, and with a small bundle of nec-
essary clothing, I sallied out in one of the worst storms of the
season.
We lived near Grand street, near the residence of the good Dr.
Keefer. I passed by his house and left all who knew my sorrow,
bathed in their tears of sympathy. They felt the severity of the
weather and the greatness of my undertaking. They feared the
consequences that would result to me, as I was within four months
of confinement with my third child.
A carriage now came along and we soon stepped on board the
steamer at the foot of Courtland street. It was yet sometime be-
fore the steamer would start, and I felt so fearful lest Barron should
get on my track and find his way to the steamer before she was
under way

MRS. JANE BARRON.
23
I knew if he did, my dear children would be taken from me,
and I should be left to a sorrow still deeper than ever.
I told the chambermaid of my situation, and asked her to make
my troubles known to the captain. She did so, and requested him
for my sake to come into the cabin.
When he came I was weeping most bitterly, surrounded by two
jittle innocent children. My senses seemed bewildered and my
mind almost gone. I gave the Captain a glance at my troubles and
asked him if Barron should come on board before the boat started,
if he could prevent his taking my children?
He said he could not prevent him if he found where we were,
but he would tell him we were not on board. His sympathies run
in full flow down the river of my sorrows. He thought it was right
and best for me to go home, and comforted me by saying “ the boat
will leave soon."
He cut short his usual time of starting for the purpose of aiding
my escape, adding the comforting words, “ I shall not charge you
anything for passage.”
“Don't feel so bad,” said he, "you have two pretty children left,
all will yet be well.” When he considered the storm, and my
sit-
uation, he thought that my husband, and the father of my children
must be a heartless wretch.
Reader, he was the victim of intoxication, an evil that for ages
has tormented humanity, and laid prostrate in the grave of hope
the very best talent and the most manly hearts. Avoid it as you
would poison! Remember the fate of Barron, and the suffering of
his disconsolate wife and those children, far worse than orphans.
The bell soon rang and the boat was loosed from her moorings,
and I was free on the bosom of the noble Hudson. Yes, I am no
longer a drunkard's wife. I am free by the laws of God and all
good men. I
I have suffered enough. My life is in danger ; I have
lost all hope of his reform. I am free !
I felt a burden rolling off which had weighed me down for years.

24
LIFE OT
The severe pressure of endless torment grew lighter every turn of
the wheels which gave the gallant boat another shove ahead.
The kind hearted chambermaid consoled my wounded spirits ;
told me all was safe now, and we would soon have supper
with
none to molest or make afraid.
The call was made for " tea," and I was seated by the side of a
gentleman who proved to be an old acquaintance, a man who had
known me from a child. Known me in my happy days of girlish
innocence. I found many from Goshen whom I knew, but kept
the matter of my troubles hid from all.
About 11 o'clock the boat touched at Newburg and I went on
shore feeling myself quite at home, for when I was a young lady
my visits from Uncle's to this place were frequent, and I had many
acquaintances there. The hotel keeper, Mr. Davis, had known me
long and well. He soon provided comfortable quarters for myself
and children.
About 1 o'clock we were provided with a comfortable room, and
my exhausted children slept in dreamy innocence, while my nera
vous system positively forbade the thought of closing my eyes.

MRS. JA NE BARRON.
25
CHAPTER V.
Upon enquiry I found that the stage to Goshen only run every
other day, but the landlord provided me a private carriage and we
went over that twenty miles during that bitter cold day, enduring
suffering in no small degree.
I stopped at the house of Wickham, the President of the Bank
tor I knew he was aware of the course Barron had pursued. He
had been obliged to remove his agency for the Bank, on account
of his drinking, and had always been intimate with me from a
child. He lived in the village while my uncle was located ten miles
away. .
This kind family gave me a naost hearty welcome. He had done
much for Barron, and retained him much longer in his confidence
on account of myself and family, than he otherwise would have
done.
He felt that I ought to have left him long before ; that no woman
ought to be made the victim of such brutality. Mrs. Wickham was
excessively kind, prepared a dinner with extra care, and made me
feel my sorrows as lightly as possible.
The next morning Mr. Wickham told me he would send his man
to carry me home to Uncles. He told me that Barron owed him
considerable, and that he intended to make a strike for his pay now
I had left, before the other creditors had made a move.
posed that in one week I should accompany him to New York
He pro

26
LIFE OF
when he would secure me any property he could, to obtain which
I must swear my life against Barron.
In the meantime I rode out to Uncles farm, where I was quite
unexpected. They never mistrusted I had left Barron, and both
burst into tears to see me return in such a situation. Their minds
traveled back over the stormy and sorrowful years of my separa-
tion from their kind fireside, and now I was back again, a beggar,
what could check their grief.
Little did they think when they saw me led to the hymenial al-
tar, that in that brief space of time the canker worm of sorrow
would have eaten so deeply into my heart's inner core.
But so it
was.
I found my uncle in very feeble health, but this shock prostrated
him upon his bed and rendered him unable to give any attention to
my case, in regard to any property that might be saved. I kept
much of my history from their knowledge, and vainly hoped our
pride might not be wounded by general exposure. They had been
much reduced by losses of property, yet they still lived quite com-
fortable. He was so generous and trusting that he was often over-
reached by pretended friends.
He approved of Mr. Wickham's suggestion about my going to
New York and trying to secure something from the wreck. They
were kind and indulgent to my children and proposed that I leave
them while we made the tedious journey overland from Goshen to
the city of New York in the month of February.
Mr. Mills, an agent for Mr. Wickham, bore me company and saw
me in a respectable boarding house, while he went to look out for
the business relations. After supper the kind lady of the house,
Mrs. Patten, who had been made acquainted with my sorrows,bade
me keep up good cheer and provided me with a nice warm room,
a good bed, and every comfort which a genuine sympathy could
suggest.
The next morning Mr. Mills and Mr. Van Dusen, agent for Mr.

MRS. JANE BARRON.
27
Wickham, went with the sheriff to Barron's store, carrying a letter
from Wickham to him, setting forth the course of life he had pur-
sued toward his friends who had trusted him, and his wife who had
confided her all to his care and keeping. They told him they in-
tended to close his store, take all into custody, dispose of enough
to pay Mr. Wickham's claims, and save the remainder for his suf-
fering and disconsolate wife.
Wickham wrote him that I never intended to live with him again
that he was unfit for any woman to live with, that I was reared very
tenderly and knew nothing of hardship from a child, and that he
must give up the keys to the Sheriff who would take possession of
all.
When the poor man had read the letter he threw it on the floor
and cried like a child. He said he thought I would have come
back, but he knew that he had not used me right, and that he had
not expected I was going home.
Mr. Mills now told him he must give up the keys, to the Sheriff,
which soon dried up his tears and threw him into most a violent
passion. He swore he would not give up the keys. The Sheriff
then took him to jail where he remained a few hours, and then con.
cluded he would give up the keys of the house and store. The
goods and furniture were seized and advertised for sale. Mean-
time Barron started for South Carolina to see his brother, a lawyer
of that State.
When the sale came on the ladies of Mr. Tear's family went to
the auction, and bid off the furniture which was mine, at the start,
which was taken to their house and stored until I could have it ta-
ken home in the Spring. These friends told me that I had not
been gone twenty minutes, the day I left for the steamboat, before
Barron awoke and enquired for me.
When he found I was gone he flew into a great rage, said he
was afraid I had gone home, and that Wickham would break him
up.

28
LIFE OF
They found, on closing up the business, that he had not enough
left to pay Wickham, leaving all his other creditors to suffer, and
me without any thing to help me sustain my children and paddle
onward the canoe of my future existence.
Though stripped of property I had warm and sympathizing
friends.
Having closed up the business we returned to Goshen, by land,
in the severe cold of a northern February. We related all to
Mr. Wickham, whose main surprise was that Barron should so
soon have run entirely through.
After spending some little time there Mr. Wickham sent me
home in a sleigh, where they received me with great kindness, and
made me feel as much at home as if I had never left their hospita-
ble roof.
My good old Uncle would often burst into tears and sigh at my
misfortunes.
I passed a very melancholly winter. My sleep was disturbed
and I unconsciously moaned during the night so as to make my
aunt feel miserable.
My relatives in Orange County all visited me and seemed as
kind as heart could wish. Yet all could not take away the sting
that all my life and hopes had proved a terrible failure.
The fond anticipations of girlhood, the bright hopes of bliss
which purity and love would bring to my pillow, had all vanished
before the terrible reality which had broken the spell of all my
charming dreams. Still my kind relatives, on both my father and
mother's side, made me feel a melancholly happiness, though the
spark of Divinity and faith had fled away forever.
If I could have forgotten the past, and awakened from the grave
of memory to the present comforts and realities around me, I might
still be happy, but the canker worm of dreadful disappointment,
such disappointment as takes hold of life's entire being, had gnawed
into the vital elements of my
soul.
Marriage to me had proven the grave of hope. I had given up
all in childlike innocence to one on whom hung my fondest hopes.
My husband was tall, manly, and even beautiful. His courtly and

MRS. JANE BARRON.
29
kind attentions all took immediate hold upon the unbought sympa-
thies of my free, birdlike, childish being. I was innocent and
knew not the dark pathway of worldly guile. I knew nothing
but purity of thought and supposed all possessed the same purity of
intention. Could I believe that young man, of high birth and no-
ble bearing, reared in the lap of plenty, with all the refinement and
education which could give external polish, that he would betray
me, and treat me like a doy? Impossible.
Yet how fearfully true. I thought him an angel, and gave up
my virgin soul into his care and keeping. Had he died without
this fall, had some cruel accident stricken him down in the prime of
manhood ; had he passed away before the curtain of a drunkard's
life had been drawn, and the chilling scenes of irresistible con-
sequences been hidden from worldly gaze, my heart would have
lamented, but my hope would have burned with the oil of future
life.
In what does woman's thiest happiness consist? This should
be a question early put to rls, the careful solving of which would
open many a pair of bright eyes to the aims really worth striving
after, and spare many a noble heart the mortification of a failure
in the search after happiness. Does marriage, merely as a mar-
riage, ensure happiness? How many disappointed wives would
answer, « No!" Where then shall it be sought ? In our own
hearts must the jewel lie, or vain will be our search.

30
LIFE OF
CHAPTER VI.
I had two children of whom any mother might feel proud. They
were beautiful and blessed with fine dispositions. Among so many
rich uncle's and aunts they wanted for nothing which their com-
fort required.
Darling innocents; they little knew the taint which society at-
tach to the drunkard's child. Time shall reveal it all, and the
mother who bore them had yet to learn the selfishness which
broods in darkness upon the masses of men.
In about four months after leaving New York, I was the mother
of
my
third child, a son. But oh ! how different were the emo-
tions in passing through the pains and perils of childbirth, from
what they were with my first born. Then I was happy, with bright
anticipations and joyous love. Now I could wish my child had
never been born. My aunt, kind soul, with all her other cares,
took entire charge of my infant boy.
As soon I was able to ride, my cousins made me welcome at
their different houses, and made my load of grief as light as their
kind ministrations could do.
They bound up my broken heart in many ways, still hope, that
dove of the immortal soul, had taken her flight perhaps forever-
yes FOREVER.
The cold chilling blasts of stormy winter had been chased away
by the warm currents of balmy spring. The flowers had opened
out their varied beauty, the birds had carroled and sung
their
songs
of freedom.

MRS. JANE BARRON.
31
The first month of summer had advanced upon the green com
fort of retiring May, and yet no spring or summer of hope had
come to my aching heart. I sat by the window in the month of
June, and saw some one approaching. Who could it be? He
was poorly clad, and his countenance gave token of some unnatu.
ral agent which was then eating out the vitality of a long diseased
heart. Intemperance was written upon every lineament of his be-
ing. Could that be the man to whom my early faith had been
plighted ? Is that the father of my three orphan children? Can
that be the once proud, manly and beautiful Alexander Barron ?
Yes, 'tis him.
He came in and sat down. He saw my oldest boy and called
him to his side. The child remembered, it was that man who had
treated him with so much cruelty, and he shrank away from his
brutal contact. Uncle had no words with Barron, and my
aunt
was saddened by his presence.
He had been south to his relatives.
but they had spurned him from the home of childhood as a loath-
some drunkard, whose desolating habit had wrought disgrace and
misery upon so many innocent victims. He asked the privilege of
staying with aunt a few days which she granted out of pure sym-
pathy for his wretched appearance. The latent spark of humanity
in his outraged body still was there. My aunt possessed too much
of the milk of human kindness to banish the suffering from her
door, even if that sufferer was the victimizer of all our happiness.
His clothes were ragged and his person filthy. He said he
wanted to see Wickham, and if anything was left after the sale he
would like to have it.
Aunt told me to get some warm water and let him wash himself,
which I did. I also hunted over my trunks for some shirts which
at one time he had thrown out upon the floor of our house in N. Y.,
some soiled,but which he was once too proud to wear. These, with
some clean stockings, made him look quite decent before any of
the neighbors came in. He went down to Wickham's who received
him with great coldness, told him there was nothing over from the
sale, but a balance was yet due him from Barron ; that I did not
intend living with him again, as I had been so badly treated it was
impossible.

32
LIFE ON
He returned to my Uncle's but received no countenance there.
Uncle talked very plainly to him; I did the same. He took no no-
tice of the children and cared for no one but himself. After stay-
ing around a few days I told him he had better go away, and I
packed up all his clothing which I had saved, gave him a satchel,
and he started off with everything clean once more.
He drank every day all he could get, and seemed not to try for
reformation.
In two months after, my little son, then five months old, left be.
hind his body, and took his flight to the paradise of God. Barron
went, we knew not where. We never heard from him. Uncle and
Aunt were living upon Wickham's farm, and had a dairy of 30
Cows.
With such help as was necessary I commenced the superintend.
ence of the butter business. My necessity had kept up my hab-
its of industry, and I was all the better prepared for the misfortunes
which crowded so thickly upon me.
I had all the butter put up in the nicest manner, in rolls of one
pound each, and stamped with the point of rose leaves. Thus all
went on for some time, when my good uncle died. I had now be-
come master of the business, and took the entire charge ; my aunt
living with me in the family, and my little girl went to school.
Aunt had become quite feeble. She always had been a woman
of untiring industry, and was drawing the mantle of life around the
narrow compass of a brief earthly existence.
I superintended the garden, and seen that every thing in doors
was rightly done, while our fine yard of poultry gave evidence of
care and successful industry. With the extra earnings, after sup- .
plying our own table, I had provision most ample for my own cloth-
ing as well as that of my children.
Sickness, however, made some heavy drafts upon me. My little
boy was long afflicted with intermittent fever, and then came a large
Doctor bill which, from my scanty wages, I could ill afford to pay.
Every thing seemed against me, still as my necessities increased,
I felt pressed up to the discharge of the most arduous duties.
As the children advanced in life I felt their need of better edu-

MRS. JANE BARRON.
33
My
cation, and as the distance to school was great, I used to snatch
from passing moments a little time to teach them myself. I tried
to conform to my hard lot, but sometimes it seemed as if my bur-
den was greater than I could bear.
The education of my children crowded upon my mind, and I
found that I must go somewhere and place them at school.
daughter was now seven years old, and they were both old and
large enough to go to school.
At this time my trouble increased. My hard work had brought
on the fever and ague, and my earnings were exhausted in bills
which the Doctor made for his attention upon me.
In my distress I wrote to Alexander's mother, who had promised
me aid in educating my children, if I would leave her son, who
she said I could never live with, unless his habits were changed.
They replied to my letters promising me aid to educate the chil-
dren.
My health had now become so broken down that I felt I must
leave the hard work of dairy business, and determined to go west
to Seneca county, where my brothers lived, who were men of re-
spectability, and wealthy farmers. I thought if I could only get
into some way of supporting my children, that, with the aid of the
Barron family, they might be well educated. This was my high-
est ambition. My brothers in Seneca county, four in number, had
known but little of me since infancy, and of course did not feel
that power of kindred association which closer intimacy would have
brought about. My father married his second wife and left me
several half-brothers, all of whom, from the land which he left
them, had acquired a competence, by well directed industry. They
were all men of good habits, but had rather penurious dispositions,
which were not weakened by the marriage relations which they
sustained.
Having never experienced but little of the variations of life, they
were not prepared to estimate the real need that an unfortunate
sister required at their hands. So I braved the storms of life as
best I could, gathering strength from every wave I had to buffet.
I sold part of my furniture and started for the west, while my
3

34
LIFE OF
aunt went to live with another neice, near the town of Goshen.-
By the kindness of relatives and friends my remaining things were
packed, and we were kindly taken to Newburgh, thence by boat to
Albany. The day was rainy and all my things suffered by the
storm.
As difficulties increased I gathered new strength, and passed on
to ever present duty.
SEO SHOH 264
Hon to ao sile
stud party and to toga
299 do routes in
or beeagte Wolvega
prirode mob

MRS. JANE BARRON.
35
CHAPTER VII.
"I was now afloat on life's tempestuous sea, and soon learned that
self-reliance, of which in early life I knew so little. I had good
opportunities of observing human character; and a talent for im-
proving all such chances,
Necessity now pressed me up to still further activity. When I
saw a dark cloud gathering, I began to make ready for the storm.
In this way success has always crowned my
efforts.
The boat left Newburg about 2, P. M., and we were in Albany
the next morning by 7, A. M. Everything there was new and
strange. I was a woman, alone, with the care and excitement of
two children, and all my little earthly store. I knew no one, and
no one knew me. What should I do? The best means of con-
veyance was a line boat on the Erie Canal. There was a class of
boats which run from Seneca Lake through the canal to New York,
and on to one of these I transferred my little all, and started for the
place of my destination. Slowly, but surely, we moved along the
canal, which, to originate and build, immortalized Re name of De
Witt Clinton, and gave wealth, and power to the State of New
York.
We arrived safely at my brother's, where we stopped for some
time, while I visited among all my relatives. My children were
provided with school, and I applied the needle as best I could, to
aid in our support.
I found I could make myself useful in many ways, and lost mo
chance of doing what lay in my power.

36
LIFE OF
I remained here in this way for some time, but found that I was
giving my entire time up to the benefit of others without any re-
ward except my board.
Still the ghost of dependence haunted me. I longed for some
chance where I could make my labor tell for something, and felt if
I had my rights, with any sort of a chance, I could soon place my-
self in an independent position.
My brother had a small house which he offered me for a fair
rent, and with my two children I soon made myself a separate
home.
Here I lived for some time ; poor, but more independent than
when in my brother's house. I worked in the garden and raised
plenty of vegetables. I made use of my time to raising poultry
to some advantage, which I sold at the village of Ovid. By this
time Mrs. Barron and her daughters sent me fifteen dollars to aid
me along with my children. The place and manner of life was
lonely, and something which I was unused to. Here I remained
for one year and a half, when I determined to move to the village
where I could have a better chance for educating my children.-
My eldest brother told me I had better live on his farm, two
miles from the village. Thinking it might be better, I concluded to
follow his advice, and I turned my footsteps thither.
He had a large farm and employed a great many workmen, and
the labor and responsibility of looking after them devolved entirely
upon me, and I thought that was a very hard way of getting good
through a relative.
I attended to the cooking, raising poultry, and made a nice gar-
den. I would not have endured what I did, but for the sake of my
children, in whose education I felt my whole being absorbed. The
house was poor and cold, and as winter came on blustering and
stormy, I suffered, and my children were subjected to hardships
which I would have gladly relieved them from if I had only known
how. I now saw the folly of my want of experience. Had I
learned, when a girl, what I was now compelled to take hold of, my
life would have passed much less heavily. I had no lack of native
power, but the only difficulty seemed want of adaptation.

MRS. JANE BARRON.
37
In my long experience I find this the great lack of the world-
want of adaptation. This is true in most marriages, and was es-
pecially true in my case
During the winter I moved to Ovid, to prevent my children from
so long a walk, and, if possible, to pursue some business more
adapted to my genius and profit. I rented a house and took eight
boarders, for whom I done all the work, besides the care of my
children.
My children now went to the Academy, and the teachers took
great interest in them. My little boy was now taken sick, and rem
mained for a long time in a critical situation. I used to spend long
and weary nights watching the working of his disease, and then all
day I was engaged in cooking and care for my boarders.
Several young ladies were boarding with me, most of whom were
attending school, and thus I kept my little daughter at the best of
schools by the hardest kind of work.
Occasionally the Barron family sent me ten dollars to pay the
tuition, which helped me along considerably.
I found it rather hard to buy my provision and wood, but I made
out to live by working very hard. My brothers who lived near by,
and who had large and flourishing farms, and large wealth, might
have helped me as well as not, but they never seemed to think they
had a duty outside of their own immediate circle.
They had plenty of wood rotting on their farms which I was
obliged to buy of others, while they had the means at command of
aiding me if the will had opened the way.
I was their only sister, but they found no room for the exercise
of charity, out of their abundant store.
They could comfort me with fault finding because I married as I
did, and because I did not follow what, in their wisdom, was the
best course to pursue.
It would have been far more pleasant to me, if I had remained
among strangers, who would have done as much, and left my feel-
ings less wounded by reflecting upon that which could not be
helped.
The only trouble really was I was poor, and a poor relative is a

38
LIFE OF
nuisance to those who love money more than life or kindred.
They were abundantly able to buy me a home, and could, if they
had wished, have easily placed me in circumstances, which, while
I was comfortable, they would not be ashamed of me. But this
would have been too great a sacrifice for their intense selfishness.
To avoid this state of things, I moved to Geneva, twenty miles
from Ovid, where all would be strangers, and where I could be re-
ceived according to my merits, without reference to antecedents.
The pall of distance is a better covering than the mantle of selfish
charity
At Geneva my children could go to school, and by the hardest
work, at sewing, I could maintain them and pay the high rent
which landlordism demanded for the shelter I so much needed.
After residing in Geneva two years, my little boy was old enough
to help much about work, and a fine pious family living a short
distance in the country offered to take him. They had raised a
family to maturity, who were all gone away. Accordingly to bring
him up to habits of industry, and surrounded by the most whole-
soine influence, I let him go.
My daughter had now approached her fifteenth year, and my
elder brother, with whom she had formerly lived, was anxious to
have her come and live with him.
Had I been educated, and had woman the rights which belong
to the race, I might have managed to keep my family together and
provided for their support ; but woman is helpless if her husband
is taken from her, because she is not permitted to know what be-
longs to, or enjoy the rights which so clearly belong to every hu-
man being.
Against my wish and inclination, she was therefore allowed to
go to her Uncle's.
She was good looking, and possessed fine business talents.
Sorrowing one's o'er lile's rough places,
Grieving o'er the faded past,
Cheering words and smiling faces,
Joys of earth too pure to last;
Faint not, though the sky is dreary,
God will not forsake the weary.

MRS. JANE
39
BARRON.
Sad one, o'er timo's ravage weeping,
Though dark clouds may dim the day,
God His watch is o'er thee keeping,
He will guard thy devious way.
Sæd one, trust him, in each gorrow,
Thine may be a fairer morrow.
wide
Weary one, begirt with sadness,
Faded hopes and boding fears,
Pining for the smile of gladness,
Thou hast known in other years ;
a When with life's stern conflicts riven.
Faint not, thou, but trust in Heaven.
sted Sorrowing one, when darkness lingers,
de Tossed by tempests fraught with dangers,
Brooding ever o'er thy way,
gen Cling to faith in darkest day ;
Earthly joys may fade and sever,
But God's love abides forever,
2001
sy
facere

40
LIFE OF
genios
bersama bas givil elds
99
est en
ning on need bad
CHAPTER VIII.
After Augusta left me I was quite alone. In Geneva was one of
the best of Milliners who was a good friend of mine. The family
of Dorseys were kind, respectable and good, having lived in Ge-
neva 15 years.
ad de
To carry on this large millinery business required several girls,
besides the constant attention of Mrs. Dorsey. They invited me
to come into their family and take charge of their boarding depart.
ment. I consented, and labored beyond my strength to give them
satisfaction. After the hurry of their winter business was over, I
was taken quite ill, which sickness lasted me sometime. Mrs. Dor-
sey saw, in her kindness and sympathy, that I needed lighter
work, and she proposed that I learn the trade. I did so, and soon
found that my taste was better consulted, and my health better
adapted to this kind of employment. Though my age would seem
to forbid my rapid advancement, I learned the trade complete in
six months.
My Charley had now left the farmer and came to the family of a
physician, Dr. Spencer. Here I could see him often, and enjoy
more closely the dearest relation of mother and child.
He was beloved by all who knew him, and the affection he bore
his mother was a source of the greatest happiness to me. After
one year he returned again to the farmers, where he had been be-
fore coming to Dr. Spencer's.

MRS. JANE BARRON.
41
I remained two years in the family of Mr. Dorsey, when I moved,
to Waterloo, five miles distant from Geneva, where I commenced
keeping house and working at my trade. Here I made a comfort-
able living, and remained four years, during which time my daugh-
ter was married to a very respectable young man by the name of
Seely. He was a farmer, in good circumstances. Augusta's
health had been much impaired by excessive labor, at the house of
her uncle. They were very driving people, and little thought that
health was above all price.
When my daughter had commenced keeping house, they de-
sired to have my Charlie, who was now fifteen years old, and very
much beloved by the family with whom he lived, and, indeed, by all
who knew him. The family were loth to part with him, and tears
flowed freely when he was taken away.
He had been at Mr. Seely's but a short time when he was at-
tacked with measles, and I shut up my house in Waterloo, and de-
voted myself to his bedside care. The measles settled
upon.
his
lungs, which came near taking his life. He recovered sufficiently
to work again, when he wet his feet and was taken sick again.
About this time my daughter gave birth to her first child, and was
very sick for a long time.
My trials were now worse than ever. So much distress of my
poor children was more than my sympathetic nature could well bear.
Added to this I had all their work to do. After a long and painful
illness, they both recovered, and I returned to my home in Wata
erloo.
I had now been gone three months, and my house rent was aca.
cumulating all the while. I started the Millinery again, and em-
ployed several girls to assist me.
We got along very well for six months, when my Charley came
home sick.
The moment he came in I saw that consumption had fixed her
ghastly fangs upon him, and marked him for an early grave. I

42
LIFE OF
had fondly hoped he might be my stay and solace in declining
years. I had passed through a sea of trouble in raising him up to
so high a round in the ladder of manhood. Must he go and leave
a mother, whose fondest hopes and brightest anticipations would
be dashed to atoms? But why should I murmur ? He was all that
I could wish, bright, beautiful and good. He was loved by all,
and should his bright spirit wing its way to higher spheres, and
join in swelling the strains of angelic lyres, I ought not to mur-
mur.
up my bu-
As he grew worse my daughter advised me to break
siness and move back to her home, which I did. My business
was affording me a comfortable living, but the long and wasting ill-
ness of my son made it impossible for me to go on with it.
After moving he grew more feeble day by day. Still, during the
summer months, he was able to be around most of the time. As
the cold and changeable weather of fall and winter came on, he
grew worse, and finally was brought to the bed, from which he
never recovered.
He used to ask me to read to him, and appeared very much re-
signed to his situation. He was a possessor of religion in its high-
@ei sense. I felt that when the stay, calculation and support of my
old age had passed away, I should be left to tread the thorough-
path of life alone. He felt great confidence in God, and his prep
aration to meet him.
One day I sat beside his bedside crying, he said :
“ Mother weep not for me; there will be a way provided for
you. It is better for me to go now, for I am prepared. I feel rea-
dy whenever I am called.''
He said he had nothing to live for in this world, and were he ever
90 well, he had nothing to aid his own energies in prolonging life.
Thus he talked to me for some two weeks before his death, which
sapk down deep in my sorrowful heart. He suffered very much
from strangulation, after his coughing spells. For six weeks I set

MR8. JANE BARRON.
43
up with him nearly every night. My excitement was so great that.
I felt no want of sleep. Mr. Seely was very kind, and my daugh-
ter's health quite feeble. oodat
Mr. Seely had a large family of hired men on the farm, and his
time was much engrossed in superintending the work and aiding
in the household.boonboek
Not one of my brothers came to see my dying child, except at
remote periods, when it was perfectly convenient. Not one of them
offered to set up with him at night, or furnish one dollar to supply
those little necessaries so much prized by the suffering sick one.
Strangers from the village would sometime come and offer such
kindness as their circumstances allowed.
The clergyman often came and offered that consolation which
his approaching crisis seemed to demand.
Thus he passed away, and death's icy hand bound all his limba
in eternal embrace. His senses were preserved until the last, and
his resignation was complete. His departure was a sad stroke for
No father mourned his loss, no congenial soul stood with me
around the dying couch of my beautiful and good hearted christian
boy,
He was beloved by all who knew him, and I had fixed my hopes
upon him all the stronger from my lonely position. I knew that
my loss was his gain, and yet I did not, could not, feel willing to
me.
let him go.
that

44
LIFE OF
en
E DEBITO
Soseto
2
210
19
hatero
do od 90051 ya Jone
e ton bih biserica antena de
od tog bad mod eno yas to
Dovole ereb S01E04
Mergo blow boonusmodica
kilometne
CHAPTER IX.
to ao
cas de beror boods
Blazorlatok 919 de juliol
I bore up under my difficulty as best I might, and rented a house
in Ovid, near my daughter's, where I commenced again in the Mil-
linery business. I had some assistance from the ladies, and got
along tolerably well. My health was very poor, and I had a great
many drawbacks. My relatives were very able to help me, but in-
stead of throwing every thing in my way, which they might as well
as not, they were finding fault with my prices, and speaking dispar-
agingly to strangers who might give me employment.
The crime I was guilty of was poverty; and this, in the eyes of
rich relatives, like mine, was the unpardonable sin.
How strange that every effort of mine to sustain myself, should
meet with such coldness, and want of sympathy. Yet I account
for it on the ground that they had always been farmers, always re-
mained at home, never had their benevolence called into exercise,
outside of a particular routine, and at the same time the spirit of
accumulation and holding constantly stimulated. They seemed to
feel the poverty of my position, but instead of exciting their sym-
pathy, it wounded their pride. They felt independent; were not
obliged to serve the public. I was compelled, on the contrary, and
this principal always degrades. This is what makes negro labor,
or any other which feels the necessity of depending upon others,
so degrading as it is. I speak from experience, when I say that
coa

MRS. JANE BARRON.
45
whoever is compelled to seek work or aid from any body, had bet.
ter go out of the channel of their relatives.
They will pay you less for wages, and exact more service than
would be expected by others.
This is not only experience, but observation. I felt a spirit of
pride to sustain myself, and did not make myself very humble at
the feet of any one, but if I had gone to them in a humiliating and
begging posture, I dare say they would have supplied any pressing
need, but my womanhood would never allow this.
If I had been taught self dependence by my uncle and aunt in
childhood, I should have been far more capable of breasting the
storm of life, but there, under their hospitable roof and care, I
luos
wanted for nothing. Adyim dead
I was always industrious, and contributed my full share to the
common stock of labor, but I never felt at that period of life, that I
need to know anything out of the sphere of my immediate action.
This is the case with woman everywhere. She is shut up to the
narrow circle of very few employments, and is compelled to labor
for much less than she would be if her sphere of action was co-ex-
tensive with her genius and power, when properly developed.
The idea of limiting woman to any sphere, simply on the ground
of sex, is not only unnatural and absurd, but is wicked and cruel.
Marrying as I did, and as most women do, I confided myself to
my husband, and became dependent upon a human being like my-
selt. No human being is good enough to own another. My capa-
bilities then were locked up, and were only partially called out by
the very necessity which after life threw across my pathway.
My brothers had plenty of money to give their missionaries to
some far off distant land, but they could pass the door of a poor
sister with their gifts, and leave her to buffet the storms of a world's
cold charity
They could make a great show in life with themselves and fami-
lies, but they would hate to have the name of their unfortunate sis-

46
LIFE OF
ter brought into their circle, for they wished everybody to think
they were all rich. Had the world around known their real feel.
ings, and the shallowness of their riches, they would have despised
them heartily for it. I was at work at my trade. My relatives, in-
stead of feeling as though they might aid me by their work, were
rather complaining of high prices, and sent many customers else-
where, when it would have been just as easy to have dropped a
word in my favored bobaryotius ad ese
I knew very well I ought not to judge the world by the action of
my relatives. I do not. I I know there are noble hearts that feel as
though charity began at home, and travelled like the wave in regu-
lar succession until the wind of benevolence had spent its force--
not jumping over the intermediate space and vaulting at a single
bound from the narrow bound of selfishness to the very verge of
creation-leaving the inner circles of surrounding life to supply
their wants as best they might.
It had not been my mission or fortune to accumulate. Indeed,
I had never possessed the chance. Those who have set their minds
upon worldly gain alone, measure the stature of others by their ca.
pacity in that direction. This is, perhaps, the most charitable view
to take of brothers.
The organ of acquisitiveness and self esteem had been mainly
cultivated, hence they clung to their accumulation with deathly te-
nacity. They never expanded their intellects, but narrowed then
down into the simple idea of money making. Instead of being
whole men, they were but mere patch-work on the garments of tat.
tered humanity.
After the hurry of work was over, I broke up housekeeping on
account of ill health, the doctors telling me I worked too steady,
and ought to travel about more.
I visited Orange county again, among the scenes and acquain.
tances of childhood. I could have enjoyed much, but for the can.
ker which gnawed so deep and constant at my vitality, gathering
fresh hold from every remembrance of once happy days, and by
contact with well remembered free and loved walks.
my

MRS. JANE BARRON.
47
After my return to Ovid, my daughter's health began to decline.
Consumption seemed to be marking her for another victim. Her
appearance, and the conviction daily marking itself upon my mind
that I was soon to be left alone, kept my nervous system in con-
stant excitement. The hectic flush was on her cheek, and told the
balance which was soon to come. My earthly comforts were fast
receding, and I must soon be left alone and friendless, while my
de
clining years will be surrounded by the cold and friendless atmos-
phere of a selfish and heartless world.
These thoughts haunted me and rendered me incompetent for
the ordinary duties of life. 53000
gomot eri tage
below 30 20 rin apa
altrex ba gonne asshomont
Megacengo bad
Todoro

48
OF
LIFE
CHAPTER X.
I tried to bear up as well as possible, but the mountains of past
and future difficulties piled up higher and higher. Added to all this
I was alone; no kind and sympathising friend into whose bosom I
might pour my sorrows, and from whose well of kindness I might
draw living waters.
If I went to my relatives with the tale of my woes, they seemed
to feel as though I was always complaining, and to their minds for
no good reason. Those only can sympathise with us in trial who
have felt the hand of sorrow pressing heavily upon themselves.
Turned out upon the world, I felt necessity the only law, and this
has nerved me up to action when all else, failed. I recommend to
every mother that she educate her girls for self-reliance. They
possess the natural and inherent power, while all it needs is call-
ing out.
Intellect or moral power, as well as physical, must be
thrown upon its own resources, in order for its most speedy ad-
What seemed at this time so great a hardship, has proved
a blessing in granting a knowledge of human nature which I could
not otherwise have obtained.
A few months more had passed, and my daughter's strength was
So exhausted that she could only be carried a short distance. She
gave up visiting her mother, and I often went to call on her, each
succeeding trip adding new evidence of the sure and fatal end
which disease was preparing for her.
vance,

MRS. JANE BARRON.
49
She had two interesting children, a son and daughter, one three
years, and a sweet little girl fifteen months old. Just as the win-
ter's work at my business was best, she wished me to give up the
trade and come to her help while she lived. I did so, and at no
time of my life have I ever performed more or under greater dis-
couragements. Augusta grew worse, and her suffering increased.
This added much to my trial. Work, when our task is beyond
our bound, is bad enough, but when to this is added sickness and
suffering, by those whom we love, the task is doubly severe. I was
completely broken down. My spirits and strength gave up the
ghost together. I wanted sympathy; I wanted association ; I
wanted love.
Poor Augusta despaired of ever being well. Hope was flicker-
ing, like the last radiations of an expiring light. While hope keeps
its altar fires kindled, the body seems to possess super-human
strength, but let the waters of doubt and fear be dashed upon the
radiant flames, and we sink down to the chambers of despair, car-
rying in its flood tide every energetic resource. Her discourage-
ments and sadness reacted upon me.
She talked about death as a
fixed fact, close at hand, and made preparation for her exit to the
spirit land.
Her mind was calm and tranquil, in view of the realities upon
which she was now about to enter. Still her sympathies would lin-
ger around those children ; that husband so fond of her society,
and all that was pleasant in life. She felt as every well regulated
mind must, that when she laid off the body, she would nevertheless
hover around with her spirit, and feel all the deeper interest in those
dear ones she must soon leave behind.
Her husband was a man of kindness, and his nature sympathet-
ic. His care of his loved one was constant and prolonged. She
was a member of the Presbyterian Church, and enjoyed all the
consolation which Christ's religion can afford. She now approached
the trial hour of parting. Her family and friends were gathered
4

50
LIFE OF
around the dying couch of the sufferer. Her angel wings were
plumed for her terrestial flight. The candle of life was nearly
gone, and the spirit, frail and bird like, soared away to glory and to
God.
Her mind was tranqnil as the unpleasant surface of yonder
beatiful lake, whose waters mirror the sunbeams and whose purity
cannot be increased.
She passed the threshold of this sphere without a struggle, and
bid adieu to her earthly tabernacle.
I remained in her family some time, giving directions and taking
such care of her children as best I could.
The kindling fires of jealousy were manifest in the action of Mr.
Seely's relatives. His mother and sister seemed to feel as soon as
my daughter had gone, that my right to be there and enjoy what
of comfort might come to my aid, had gone with my child. .
They crossed the pathway of Augusta's request, made in the
last moments of her long and severe illness, and felt determined
that my daughter's clothing should not add to my wardrobe or min- .
ister to my necessities. His sister advised Mr. Seely to lock her
clothing away from me, the lonely mother of her only child.
Oh selfishness, how pointed may thy arrows become! It en-
ters the wells of human love, and steels the heart to kindness.
Augusta's little son only survived his mother about a year.
I felt that I was only wanted to remain for the service which I
might render, and determined to commence house keeping again,
and make headway at my trade.
New difficultles arrived which seemed insurmountable. I grew
discouraged and weary of life. House rent had been accumula-
ting while I was attending the bedside of my dying Augusta, and
now such unwillingness that I should have the least benefit
from the clothing, willed to me by her last parting request, made
me feel as though I wanted to go away as far as possible fronı
those who could treat me so badly. Mr. Seely himself, removed

MR8. JANE BARRON.
51
973
from the influence of selfish advisers, was a man of good heart,
and worthy of his early love, but he was easily swayed by the in,
fluence of those whose minds were hypocritical, and whose real
intentions were buried beneath studied concealment.
AMMO srod w bas ensadorse and the
ha wage a Jouw stoelge ida todos
BLOG
baas
Sos Tvads
a to od olims ar 9996 Solo
on sa bs m3 7ra bas onome
sa od os derde
how to ber bi yo
TEST និងបង
up boleto
Shoeve

52
LIFE OF
Vamos
bir ober bis Sims
Sit 5 w
osvovao
boss teed hmurot ayswls
Dow! bos is to go
CHAPTER XI.opar habisan awe
aged to find only
OOH
ca
Soold
About this time the thought of California was pressed upon me
with great foree, and I made up my mind to go there, or perish in
the attempt. I learned of a gentleman who, with his wife, was
going to that Eldorado of Western America, and I resolutely de-
termined to bear them company.
go
I borrowed money of Mr. Seeley and my twin brother to aid in
making up the amount necessary
for
me to go.
I put forth every
energy to make myself ready, and left Mr. Seely on the 15th of
December, 1853.
My little grand-daughter was now the only tie that bound me
to the place, and when I parted with her it was a source of deep-
est anguish, both to her and myself.
I committed her to the care of an over-ruling Providence, and
launched
my
bark
apon
the same great sea.
I shall not be forsa-
ken. God has been with me in all my trials, and he will surely
be with me now.
Mr. Seely conveyed me to Seneca Lake, where we parted for
my long and perilous voyage by sea and by land. I took the
steamboat for Geneva, and in four hours landed safely at that
beautiful village of western New York.
Here I met the company who were going with me, who, though
strangers, were about to embark on a trip that should draw us into
closest union.

MRS. JANE BARRON.
53
We were seated in the cars at nine in the evening, and rode all
night. I felt quite confident of my own ability, and determined as
far as possible, to take care of myself. Many of my relatives and
acquaintances had tried to dissuade me from starting. They pain-
ted in living colors, all the dangers attending such a long and haz-
ardous voyage. But I was fixed and immoveable as the rocks.-
I have always found heart and sympathy when I came in contact
with the race of man, and I would rather trust myself to-day upon
my own unaided resources, to go and do anything, rather than set-
tle down upon the charities of those who I am connected with by
the ties of blood. I looked after my own baggage, saw that all
was safe and right at every point of connection.
Since I had left the city, great improvements in Rail Roads and
facility of travel had been made. Instead of the Boats on the
Hudson, which we used to think floating palaces, as indeed they
were, we now passed down the winding channel at the rate of thir-
ty miles an hour, on the Hudson Rail Road, landing in New York
at the commencement of the next evening.
I found there an acquaintance and friend, by name of W. Mil-
lers, at whose house I remained for two days,waiting for the steam-
up for the “ Isthmus." The next day after reaching
the city, I went with one of the gentlemen and purchased tick-
ets through to San Francisco, by the “ Yankee Blade," a noble
steamer, since lost on this wonderful route, always crowded by so
many thousands, chasing down the destines of human curiosity.
I was now about starting away from home, from friends, from ac-
quaintances, and alone. My readers may think me daring and
reckless, but go I must, and now for years I look back and see no
cause to regret my course.
Had I been a man, nobody would think strange, but I find that
woman only needs to try, and her success is quite as certain as
66
er now
man.
My company had put up in some other part of the city, and I

54
LIFE OF
went on to the steamer alone with my baggage. Once on board,
I sat down among a large company, but did not know a single
soul. My feelings were indescribable. I felt as though I was a
poor, forsaken being. This has been my history and fate, spring-
ing out of my terrible mis-step in marriage.
There was no fire on board, and the cold weather of December
1853 gave me a foretaste of the sufferings I might have to encoun-
I was armed with the resolution of despair, and I would have
gone had the drawing of the curtain shown up a scene ten times
more appalling. I determined to meet my fate like a woman, and
run the risk of all consequences. I looked up to God for his kind
and protecting care, and felt that all would be well.
ter.
and pd bolo
nog

MRS. JANE BARRON.
55
Contaosto Tantables
de oto
biten SES
Com
CHAPTER XII.
Before we left New York I became reconciled to the jour-
ney, for the party with whom I was to travel, came on board,
and we were startled by the cannon which announced the
moment of our departure. Our noble steamer was loosed from her
dock, and started upon her long and wintry journey.
.
We had gone but little distance, before I was sea sick-oh, how
sea-sick. More than a week passed before I could set up one mo-
ment, during which time I had every attention, both from the la.
dies and the chambermaid of the boat. My sickness was my
clo.
sest companion until we arrived at Aspinwall.
The ladies assisted me in getting ready for the cars across the
Isthmus, when we landed on the 29th of December, at 5 o'clock in
the morning. We took breakfast on board before leaving. My
baggage was expressed through to Panama, so that I might be re-
lieved of its care. Three gentlemen and their wives, from the
State of New York, invited me to go on the cars with them.
Leaving the steamer and riding in the open air, restored my
health, and with my health came back my wonted spirits. The
climate was balmy as spring; the scenery as romantic and beau.
tiful as heart could wish. Each side were trees in thickest clus.
ters, clad in robes of richest verdure.
All kinds of bushes and vines running up the tallest trees, while
flowers hung down in every degree of hue and beauty. This

56
LIFE OF
beauty of scenery, and richness of shrubs, trees and flowers,
marked the whole way from Aspinwall to the Chagres river.
Soon after reaching that river we left the Rail Road on the
banks of the Chagres. Oh! gracious, what a scramble, and eve-
ry body for themselves.
We had to go down a steep bank among trees, brushes and
stumps, but I made my way as fast as possible and succeeded as
well as any of the travelers.
toog di
This transit from the Atlantic required about 5 hours, bringing
us alongside the native flatboats, 21 in number, all loading with
passengers and baggage for the still “ far west."
bi mo
These flatboats were pushed on to their destination by the long
poles of six natives, three to each side of the boat. The boatmen
were completely naked, except an apron, and looked strange
enough to people raised like ourselves from the United States.
After all were in the boats, each one looking out for himself, and
paying their own way, we sat upon boards laid across the boat,
with water over shoe in the bottom of the flat." We had a com
pany of genuine good hearts aboard, and had a jolly time passing
up the river. We had a lunch of cake and wine passed around
by some of the passengers, which filled up the aching void of a
New England hotel.
The day was beautiful and mild as the gentle zephyrs of a
northern May. The river was smooth and undisturbed.
All na-
ture was dressed in richest green, and flowers were hanging in
beautiful clusters each"side of this tropical river.
Every now and then we saw the natives on either side washing
and laying their clean white garments dut upon the sand to bleach.
Sometimes we saw them running races with their boats, and
about sunset we arrived at Crusez, a most desolate looking
place. The houses were all small, low huts, made of sticks and
mud, except three or four old shell looking modern buildings, and
an old ancient Spanish Catholic Church, with the roof covered
99

MRS. JANE BARRON.
57
with green moss. The old Spanish church bell was ringing for
a funeral.
As we passed down through the village of mud houses, we
saw the native women swinging in their hammocks, and the chil-
dren every where entirely naked.
The House where we stopped was miserable enough, though
called the best in the place. It was a very large building, covered
miserably, and with poor siding, but we were thankful for a place
anywhere for the night. It was full to overflowing of people go-
ing to and coming from California.
From the west the people all come on mounted mules, and it
was amusing, as well as surprising, to see the ladies come in just
off their mules, with mud up to their knees, having to dismount
because the mud was so deep the mules could not make headway.
Husbands carrying their crying babes ; women who were refined
and lady-like mingled with the coarsest and least cultivated, yet
all sympathising in one common difficulty. At a late hour we got
some supper made up of mule meat and poor bread, herb tea and
boiled rice. None of it fit to eat. We could not eat such food,
but we paid one dollar for the supper and one dollar for break-
fast, of the same horrible fare. One dollar more for the straw
bed, and we were ready for a ride upon the living mules, across
the worst part of our journey yet to come. Other ladies had some
to help them at the table, but none provided for me, which drove
me on to self reliance in this wilderness of native Americans.

58
LIFE OF
Wool
BE
High
CHAPTER XIII.
66
The trip to California, and the varied people who gather there
make it one of the best places in the world for our women to stu-
dy human nature. Here you meet with everybody, and all con-
ditions of men--from the most uncultivated savage nakedness, to
the highest civilization, refinement and extravagance of dress.
No scene better than the one I have just described. to call out
the real man or woman. Bringing up” will here make its mark.
I have learned that all is not gold that glitters. In the morning
we found a yard of mules, some with saddles, others with side sad-
dles, and others without anything. We were mounted and started
on our journey. I looked out for my mule, and took care of my-
self. My mule was a good one, I had a side saddle, and we all left
in separate parties. I had some cake and a bottle of wine hung
to my saddle.
We had not gone far before we came into a nar-
row path, full of small stones and mud. Two ladies and four
gentleman were in my company, all riding in single file, on ac-
count of the narrow pathway through which we must ride.
The mud was knee deep to the mules, who were compelled to
step carefully along down the steep banks, sometimes wide enough
to ride two abreast, and then narrow defiles of mud and stones.
Rocks hung overhead sometimes a hundred feet high, and trees of
largest growth studding our way along the dismal route.

MRS. JANE BARRON.
59
Every now and then we met with packed mules with trunks
and carpet bags tied on their backs, bound from the Pacific
steamers to her sister ocean.
These mules we were obliged to give a wide berth, for fear the
trunks would knock us off our own. I felt in danger all the way,
but I had enlisted for the war, and nothing could daunt my cour-
age. Every now and then we came to a hut where they pretended
to keep refreshments, but all to no purpose. There was nothing
fit for a civilized being.
Sometimes people who had children would engage the natives
to carry them, but they often paid dear enough for their care-
Some of the mules gave out and the riders were compelled to take
the road on foot. It was astonishing to see these useful animals
going up and down the steep and narrow paths, across the abrupt
mountains of this wonderful scenery.
We passed many dismal looking places, full of stones and mud,
My mule grew tired and began to lag behind the rest of the party.
I knew that there were others still behind me, so I did not hurry,
supposing all would come out right in the end. I supposed those
behind me much nearer than the sequel showed. The place where
I was, seemed peculiarly desolate. High rocks, jutting over the
road on either side, and the narrow path leading its winding course
through this wildernnss of mired mud matter.
Turning a short corner my company passed out of sight, when
just at that moment three natives came out of the woods, and made
up to me alone, seized hold of my bridle and stopped the mule.
I was very much frightened and beckoned to them that a large
party were just behind. They seemed to understand me, for
went back to see, while the third one took out a long knife, more
than 12 inches blade, and with this fearful instrument cut my pock-
et from the dress, which contained my money, and then all of
them ran off to the woods for fear of detection.
I now saw the advantage of my sothrough ticket." I had still
one

60
LIFE OF
little money left in my other pocket. I never was so frightened,
and think I must have fainted, for I was lost for several moments
when I recovered consciousness and felt more composed. As
chance would have it I had a bottle of wine and some nice cake
of which I partook in small quantity, and felt all the better. MA
mule seemed to take new courage and went on more vigorously
t han before. I now came up to the stopping place of the party
who were ahead, and told them of
my
misfortune.
thies seemed much aroused, so after they got me some refresh-
ments we started on again. My mule and myself determined to
keep up with the company the rest of the journey.
One man was more unfortunate still, and was shot by a native,
and another was robbed of three thousand dollars.
Their sympa-
300 bo
as ESTIS

MRS. JANE BARRON.
61
Gogo
6 ნიკა.
Ona
bold
and as I
Boneco de los
do oslo gaiqgode acol quetes
Ottholimo
CHAPTER XIV.
I laid my-
We arrived in Panama just at dark, and when I rode up to the
public house I was completely tired out. My fright had affected
my whole nervous system. A gentleman of the house helped me
off the mule, and showed me into the sitting room.
self down on a straw mattrass and fell into almost an immediate
sleep, where for an hour I was lost to everything around.
When I awoke many of the party were standing around my
bed as if anxious lest my fright and fatigue might make me down
sick. They brought me some tea and toast, which refreshed me
very much, and I rested very well. The next day was “ New
Year's" and Sunday. The ladies were dressed in their gauze and
lace caps.
waves.
At night we were conveyed in small boats out to the steamer,
about two miles down the stream. The natives paddled, while the
boat was so loaded that I expected every minute would be the
last. The wind blew a gale, and the boat rocked over the rolling
Providence seemed to guide and guard me, and I was
soon on board the steamer . Uncle Sam.''
After we got our state room and refreshment, we started off, and
for two days we had pleasant weather, which I enjoyed very much.
Then the wind commenced blowing, and the ocean rolled again.
Oh how.sea-sick I was. I could hardly keep in my berth and
bear up against the surging waves. For full four days I never ate
or raised off my little couch. We had a most excellent cabin

62
LIFE OF
maid, who cared for my welfare and feelings, bringing me a little
nice soup, which my stomach received very gratefully. When the
storm had subsided, I found myself at the head of the table,
with Captain and all on board very polite.
The night before we reached Monterey our coal gave out, and I
was told they had to burn twenty-five barrels of pork, and all the
boards which were loose about the boat. At Monterey they took
in coal, when we went on and arrived at San Francisco on the 16th
day of January, 1854. The morning was rainy, and until the
boat stopped I was unable to sit up, as the night before was as
rough as ever.
My destination was San Jose Mission, across the bay, where !
had a nephew living with a gentleman by the name of Beard. By
advice of the captain I remained on the steamer during that day,
and the next morning the small steamer which ran across the bay
took me to Union City.
The chambermaid was so kind to me that I passed my time ve-
ry agreeable, and I was treated with great respect by all who re.
mained on board the well managed "Uncle Sam."
The next morning I felt very much recruited, and having ate a
very good breakfast, the waiters kindly took my baggage on to the
boat, where I found all very pleasant, and my spirits recovered
their wonted cheer.
The scenery around San Francisco is very interesting. AS
good luck would have it, the gentleman and lady, Mr. Beard and
his wife, whose house I was seeking, were on board the boat.
about forty-one miles from San Francisco.
This was a very great relief to me. He paid my fare, and made
me feel at home, giving me ten dollars besides my fare. .
Mrs. Beard is very much of a lady. She was very kind, and
made me feel quite at home and comfortable How strangely she
contrasted with some I have met who seemed to be in pain if any
body was made happy by any act of their own. The boat stopped
at Union city, a smart little town, full of life and business. This
was on the 18th day of January, and the sun shone warm and love.
ly as a. May morning. The climate of California is beautiful as
well as healthy.

MRS. JANE BARRON.
63
Mr. Beard's horses and carriage were waiting at the landing,
and we soon rode ten miles to San Jose Mission, a small Spanish
town. The change from boat to carriage riding was refreshing.
The country was new and very level. The people were living in
cloth tents, without floors, while the farmers along the road were
engaged in plowing out the finest potatoes that I ever saw.
The soil appeared very rich, and at this season of the year I
looked upon sowing as one of the strangest sights. The cattle
were of uncommon size. We passed beautiful fields of cabbage
and turnips of enormous size. We met large droves of Spanish
cattle, which looked very unlike those of Eastern states.
San Jose is quite a pretty place. A large number of the peo-
ple are Spanish, who have a Spanish church, and some fine look-
ing Spanish houses. The location for a town is beautiful. Nature
has been lavish of her charms, and invested the village site with
uncommon beauty.
I found Mr. Beard possessed of wealth, a fine house, and every
thing around which told of a great and good heart. The house
was elegantly furnished from top to bottom. Every thing about,
with liveried servants, showed that Mr. Beard was a true gentle-
Bian.
When they drove up my nephew came out and I was very glad
to see some one whom I knew. We soon had a grand dinner
and everything gave token of joy and harmony.
I remained here five weeks turning my time to account in sew-
ing for Mrs. Beard. When all was done, she gave me a letter to
& nice family in San Francisco, which ensured for me the kindest
attention.

64
LIFE OF
CHAPTER XV.
San Francisco has many fine houses and beautiful churches. I
used to attend the Unitarian part of the time, and the remainder
the Presbyterian. The latter is a splendid building, and a very
aristocratic church, very wealthy congregation. The people are
very gay and fond of amusements, and in point of dress the ladies
of San Francisco far transcend those of New York city. They
wear the richest silks and the most splendid diamonds.
Very few of these ladies have habits of industry. There are
many failures among all trades. Nothing substantial ; here to-
day, and there to-morrow.
The population is made up of people from all parts of the
world. Selfishness is the ruling passion. Yet in no place did I
ever find better friends or kinder treatment. Very many China-
men have congregated here, and they appear to be a civil and in-
offensive people.
Shrewdness, industry and prosperous business are all required
for a San Franciscan if he expects to keep his chin above water.
It is nothing uncommon here for quarrels to take place in the same
place, in the same family, and one shoot the other or take their
life with the bloody knife. If a person goes there with the desire
and determination to be rich, care for nobody, ride rough shod
over everything human and sacred, they can get rich in very lit-
tle time. But what shall we say of their morals? If I have a
friend into whose hand this book should chance to fall, let me say

MRS. JANE BARRON.
65
to that friend " if you wish to breathe the pestiferous atmosphere
of low and degrading vice, if you wish to run your ship of virtue
on to the shoals, quicksands and rocks of temptation to every pos-
sible vice, go to San Francisco.” No better place to study hu-
man nature. All classes, all countries, all phases and all colors
go to make up one common mass. Girls are as fully developed
here at 10 as they are in the States at 15. They attend balls and
parties at this tender age, and seem to feel weight of years upon
them. Extravagance of every kind prevails here to an alarming
extent. Clothes constitutes a large part of the character which
they sustain.
But I lived through it all, and wrote most of my book into the
bargain, besides sustaining myself and laying up something to
supply my needs in a coming day. The city is set on a hill, and
overlooks the beautiful bay in a most splendid manner. Promen-
ading upon the streets on fine days is extensively carried on,
Stockton street being like our New York Broadway. Carriages
of the most costly, as well as every other description, go in all di-
rections, while omnibuses run constantly for pleasure or business.
The climate is delightful for much of the year. In the summer
the mornings are rather warm, about 1 P. M., the winds commence
blowing, and in the evening a misty fog rises. Towards the first
of November it rains a few days and is then clear and beautiful
for a while, when the rains set in again. The winters are warm,
and to-day, the 6th of February, the ladies are promenading the
streets with their parasols and silk mantillas, while I am writing in
my room with the window open, as if on a summer day.
Nature has left wonderful footprints upon the face of California,
and the people are no less so. There is any amount of industry,
any amount of energy. Every body learns to be rough and rea-
dy. They have to be so, and as selfish as possible, in order to
keep pace with those around them.
While here I made a trip on the splendid steamer 'Guadeloupe
to a Spanish town called Alveso. We had everything which ex-
travagance could wish or furnish. One of the grandest dinners
that I ever sat down to was prepared that day. Many of the pas.
5

66
LIFE OF
sengers were on their way up into the mines where gold has been
found in such profusion.
When we landed at the village, six four horse stages were in
waiting, which carried all those who wished to go up to San
Ozay, a nice little village, where we found a nice hotel, accommo-
dating landlord, and a good supper. I was in company with two
ladies and their husbands, who stopped there for three days. The
land around San Ozay is very level, and the soil mellow and ve-
ry fertile. The earth is clothed in beautiful green, the trees have
on their most lovely foliage, and every thing in nature is most in-
viting. The buildings look ancient and Spanish. The people
look rather rough. The Spaniards look savage-what I have been
learned to call rather heathenish. Here I sewed for a lady four
weeks, and found some very fine people, and many who lived in
good style.
The Catholic sisters were here possessed of a very good school,
at which I made a visit during my stay. They had a large brick
building, one frame building, and fourteen acres of ground under
good fence.
This is called a nunnery. We saw four maiden la-
dies singularly dressed, black merino dress, very old fashion,
short waist, white lining, little old fashioned vandykes, with plain
little quaker hats, made of the same as their dress, and short veils
sowed on the bonnet.
These sisters managed the whole business,
had ten different school rooms all filled with young girls from four
years to women grown.
When we entered the school rooms all the ladies arose and ap-
peared as easy and graceful as I ever saw. Little and great ap-
peared with the marks of custom and refinements.
I went into some embroidery rooms, and some where they made
bead purses and chains, bead pockets and other branches. In
one room all had their turn in music, with splendid pianos and
other instruments to accompany the voice.
Beautiful girls were there, and all appeared so happy. They
had the finest gardens, nice bathing and sleeping rooms, cooking
and dining apartments. Here three hundred scholars were enjoy-
ing the benefits of a superior education. Their church was mag-

MRS. JANE BARRON.
67
nificent and the parlors in the dwelling were splendid as heart
could wish.
I now returned to San Francisco. The stage was drawn by
four beautiful and noble bay horses, with as fine a company of la-
dies and gentlemen as ever filled a coach. The distance by land
was fifty-five miles. From Santa Clara to San Ozay the road
was level as a house floor.
Spanish cattle were seen on the route in large droves, with ma-
ny wild cattle which the Spaniards were chasing down on horse-
back. When they came near enough they threw the lasso over
their heads and made them prisoners. The scenery was delight-
ful. The fields were covered with variagated flowers, and my jour-
ney was the most pleasant I ever made. I never saw so beautiful
and romantic a country as this.
As we approached San Francisco we passed splendid situations
and buildings, that would do credit to any country on the globe.

68
LIFE OF
CHAPTER X VI.
When I arrived at San Francisco I commenced work at Milli-
nery, in the family of a lady who was about starting for Washing-
ton, where her friends lived. I was treated by all with the great-
est respect and kindness. They lived in great style. The old
country people seemed to me to be warmer hearted and more hu-
mane in California, than did the native Americans.
I had much better treatment from these strangers of all classes
than I had experienced at the hands of my own relatives.
My half brothers were able to start with a handsome sum given
them by my father, because they were boys, I being a girl, and
of not the same mother, I had to depend upon other resources.
Thus are the weakest made the victims of the strong. Why should
a girl inherit less, or be given less than a boy? Her needs are
greater, if she would maintain her independence. It a woman is
not disposed to marry, she is often obliged to do it for the purpose
of drawing her rights from the social world, through a second
hand source. The fact of this difficulty lies deeper than is
dreamed of by every body's philosophy.
Our religious teaching is all at fault, in assuming for women the
lower position, thus destroying her equality with man.
My half brothers were trained to selfishness, and my having
lived away from them for the most part of my early life, made
them feel less near to me, and this may account, in some degree,
for their treatment to me. I cannot, however excuse them on any

MRS. JANE BARRON.
69
ground, for those who were entire strangers gave me more atten-
tion, and paid me better for the services rendered them.
Another thing, I WAS POOR. This was the crowning sin, and
for which, in my relatives eyes, there was no forgiveness. Get
rich I could not. My husband had run through what little was
left me by my Orange county relatives, and left me alone, with
two children to support. I had no land, no house, no money.--
I was compelled to work for others, and this dependence made my
relatives, who were rich, feel as though they wanted me away.
Poor relatives seemed to rob them of the pride which they took
in being all called rich. So far from trying to aid me in my strug-
gle, they really injured me and my business, by talking behind
my back, about my being poor, and as though I must be to blame
for the drunkenness and outrages of my husband.
This was the moving cause of my going to California. I was
determined to push myself out, and launch my bark upon
the tem-
pest tossed sea of public action.
This has given me strength of power. I now have a standard
to measure myself by. I know I can do something, and what I
have done, establishes the fact that other women may do, if they
will, and can establish their independence by the exercise of their
One of the best means for them to accomplish this
object is to learn a greater variety of employments, and such as
brings the most money.
Woman should study that employment which is most respecta-
ble and money making. The present condition of the world, pla-
ces money above man, and one of the greatest reasons why man
has the foremost rank, is because the kinds of employment in
which he engages command more money than those in which wo-
man is engaged.
Let no one be put back because they are women. Whatever
you can do that you have an undoubted right to engage in doing.
Men may laugh and deride, weak-minded women may try to dis-
courage, by talking of" woman's sphere," and the "weaker sex,"
but heed them not.
Time will settle all things in women's favor, if they are only
own resources.

70
LIFE OF
érue to themselves. The infamous laws which are made by proud
egotistical and overbearing man, are speedily to be done away, if
woman only shows her ability to stand up as an equal. She should
qualify and enter every profession, engage and work at every
trade, especially those which require mind and pay well. .
These are conclusions which I have arrived at by my large ac-
quaintance with all classes, growing out of my travels.

MRS. JANE BARRON.
71
CHAPTER XVII.
But to return to my home in California. I have never regretted
my trip or my stay. I should have remained perhaps during life,
but for the fact of Barron's return, after an absence of 27 years.
He first came to my relatives in Seneca county, and enquired after
me, professed a desire to find me, and if I would consent he would
live with me again. He told them that he was altogether to blame,
completely exhonorating me from any guilt for his misconduct.
A very unexpected letter, from my sister-in-law, told me of Bar-
ron's return. Had he risen from the dead I could not have been
more surprised. I had supposed him dead, and of course had
never expected to hear anything more from him this side of the
grave. He went to Mr. Seely's, and learned all about the history
of myself and children. He found both his children in the grave,
and the little daughter of Mr. Seely the only relic of remembrance
as a man. This beautiful little girl was about six years old, a frail
delicate plant, like the fruit of the tropics, born but to die.
After finding out how everything was, he made himself known,
and took all the blame of our difficulty entirely upon himself. He
then wrote me a letter to California, professing a desire to see me,
and a willingness to aid me. He gave some account of his life,
as a sailor who had visited all parts of the world. At the time I
received his letters I had several from my relatives, giving an ac.
count of his arrival and stay in New York.

72
LIFE OF
I answered his letter telling him of the trials and sufferings
which I had passed through since the long absence of the father of
my children. He had written me the fairest professions, telling
how sorry he was for having treated me so, and asking my forgive-
ness. He told me how he had been with Mr. Seely to visit the
graves of his children, and after returning how bad he seemed to
feel because I had been so treated and so long abandoned by him.
He
gave Mr. Seely one hundred dollars to buy some grave stones
for the children, and bought some nice presents for the living
grand child. He then left for New York, telling Mr. Seely he
would like to see me and thought he should go on. He told me in
his letter, that during his whole absence there had not been 24
hours that he had not thought of his family. He said he had to
follow the sea for a living, and how much misery he had suffered
some part of the time. He had been several voyages to China
and Japan, and had visited Peru and the Sandwich Islands. In
1849 he went to California, Upper and Lower, and a great num-
ber of other places, but had not been in the States for fourteen
years before this return to New York.
He chanced to be on a merchant vessel bound for New York,
and when he arrived there he bought himself some nice clothes
and fixed himself up as well as possible, before he made free to go
where my relatives were living.
He first went to Goshen in Orange county, and from there to
Seneca, as before stated.
The receipt of his letters, so strange, so ghost-like,' so long gone,
unfitted me for work. I thought of my suffering, the odium I had
endured from his course of life, and now the idea of his coming
back, after so long supposing him dead, and the old associations
brought fresh to my mind, the introduction of a new actor upon
the scene of my present life, was quite enough to overcome my
materially nervous temperament.
I had no human being into whose bosom I could confi'e my

MRS. JANE BARRON.
73
sorrows.
No one on whom to lean in my discouragements. Ral-
lying all my womanly powers, I made the best I could of every
thing, kept it all to myself, and went on with my sewing.
I finally answered his letter, telling him what I had undergone
in the sickness and death of the children-my poverty, the treat-
ment of my relatives, but added that if he wished to see me I had
no objections. Still I had very little thought he would ever come
on to California. I answered all the letters which my relatives
had written, saying I should never live with Barron again, that I
bad struggled on for 27 years alone, and could still most safely do
That he had become a stranger to me by law and by feela
ings, that he might have another wife.
So.

74
LIFE OF
CHAPTER XVIII.
Two months from the time I answered Barron's letter, he came
on to San Francisco. I had given up his coming, and the excite-
ment which had robbed me of happiness by day, and sleep by
night, had partially died away, when all of a sudden he came
when I was least expecting him.
Shortly after the steamer landed, a letter was brought into the
place where I was sewing by the servant girl, who told me that a
gentleman had requested her to hand it to me. I opened it, and
found it was from Barron, announcing his arrival. The ladies
who were sewing with me looked surprised, knowing that I was not
in the habit of having letters from any gentleman. They all knew
from me that my husband was dead.
Thus situated I was more tried than ever before. Here, now
comes the man who was once my husband, whom I supposed was
dead, and whom I had represented as being dead, myself a wid-
I did not know what to do. I was unfit for work. I hated
to break the subject to Mr. Young, the man in whose store I had
worked so long
The letter stated that he had arrived, and put up at the public
house, and if I was willing he should like to have an interview
He wished to have a talk with me, and if I was willing
to have him see me, to drop him a line through the Post Office.
OW.
with me.

MRS. JANE BARRON.
75
ap-
I wrote him a few lines stating that he might call at three o'clock
in the afternoon. He came accordingly, and we went together to
the place where I boarded.
I boarded with Mrs. Regness, an old lady, who gave me a nice
room, with fine looking plants upon the windows. Here Barron
called in the afternoon, and began to flatter me with the nice
pearance of every thing.
I told him that I had been driven in my old days to California,
to make a living for myself, that I had been fortunate enough to
get into a very fine family, and that amid all my troubles Provi-
dence seemed to smile upon me.
He then told me all about his visit to my relatives in New York
and how they told him they had offered me money and everything
I wanted, when in fact for this very want I felt compelled to leave
New York and go to California. It was bad enough to let me sut-
fer in want, but worse yet to put the result of their own faults on
me.
They made him believe that I might have done well, stayed and
enjoyed their bounty, but I soon showed him that they had entire-
ly forgotten me, had made it necessary to even sell my bed clothes
for money to pay my board while learning the trade.
His mind was entirely changed about the matter, and for the mo-
ment he seemed to feel bad at both his own and my relatives con-
duct. He told me how deserving I had been of a better man,how
he blamed himself for his bad habits and course of treatment to
me.
He asked if I would forgive him. I told him yes, but could
never forget his absence nor feel toward him as I should if he had
acted the man. He wanted to know what his children said about
him. I told him they were so small when he left that they never
mentioned his name. When informed of his history they thought
how unfeeling such a father must be.
He asked me if I had any regard left for him, and if I would
not return to New York and live with him.

76
LIFE OF
pay my fare?
I asked him if he would
* No!” said be, " you have plenty of money, pay it yourself.”
He saw from my manner that I had no regard for him, for he
was the same old sixpence. He said that he had been in the
mines in 1849, that the crew that was on the ship left when they
landed at San Francisco, and commenced hunting for gold, which
they found plentiful.
After accumulating considerable, they went and gambled and
drank until it was all exhausted, then tried the mines again.
From there they left again and went to the Sandwich Islands.
He seemed never once to have thought of trying to save any
thing for his wife or children. He appeared to have drank and
exposed himself so much through life, that his faculties were very
much impaired. He gave me enough of his story to show he had
led a bad and vicious life.
After this interview he left for his boarding house, telling me he
would call again the next afternoon. He did not call as agreed,
so the next day I went down to his hotel to see what was the mat-
ter, and found he had been drinking the worst kind, and he looked
fearful enough.
I felt bad and disgraced. He had been on a most dreadful
spree, and showed that whenever he went into a seaport, he drank
and gambled to the extent of his " pile."
Here was a man after 27 years absence coming to see me, be-
lying all my account of myself, honestly supposing I was a wid-
ow, and then to cap the climax, revealing the fact that he was a
wretched and confirmed gambling drunkard.
My troubles seemed to be renewed in old
age, among stran-
gers, and when my nervous system was least able to bear them.
I mustered all my fortitude, and threw myself for my reputation
upon the generosity of my friends.
my

MRS. JANE BARRON.
77
CHAPTER XIX.
man.
Barron had managed to keep sober while on his visit to my rel-
atives in New York, and having been shaved, and fixed up with
new clothes, he led them to think that he was a sober and steady
This he doubiless did with a view to have me live with him
again. He asked me to walk with him, but being then under the
influence of liquor, I was not only ashamed, but actually afraid of
him. I gave him liberty to call on me that afternoon, telling him
I would then lay aside my work and talk with him. He came ac-
cordingly. He tried to persuade me that he could do better, but
I saw as with letters of fire that the flames of intemperance were
burning into his vitals as much as ever. Suppose that I should go
and live with him, could I not see that all it would amount to would
be a re-enacting of the scenes of former life. Now I am free,
and will forever remain so. I had no place, no home, and noth-
ing to expect from my intensely selfish relatives, by whom I had
been treated in the worst possible manner. They seemed to have
contempt for' me because I worked for the public for those, my
needful things, which their penuriousness did not provide.
When Barron was at Ovid they tried to excuse themselves and
attempted to lay the blame of my going to California to me. He
was too well posted in my own character and sufferings to believe
anything they said.
Barron finding he could not pursuade me to go with him, took
to the ship again and set sail around Cape Horn.

78
LIFE OF
After remaining some time longer in San Francisco, I made up
my mind to write the book which my readers have now the privil-
ege of perusing. Some encouraged, and some discouraged me,
but I thought it would be interesting to the public to see what a
lone woman at my age could accomplish. So I set myself down to
the task.
About the time I had got well advanced in my work, there was
an earthquake in San Francisco, which startled us all very much.
This took place on the 15th February, 1856. Some of the old
Spaniards prophesied that another still more severe was coming,
and I was so much frightened that I made up my mind to leave.
There was a steamer “up” for the 20th, and I hurried to make
myself ready in double quick time. All were strangers on board,
but I did not mind this very much as during my stay in California
I had become quite used to strangers.
A very good neighborly man by the name of Bond, whose wife
was an excellent woman, finding out that I was starting and had
no means of getting down to the boat, except hiring a hack,which
would cost five dollars, offered to carry me in his two horse car-
riage, which I very gladly accepted. He also gave me a letter of
introduction to his mother and sister in New York. How much
kindness a man can bestow if he wishes. [shall never forget Mr.
Bond or his kind lady.
Many of the kind ladies called on me as I was ready 10 start, and
I shall never forget the kind and sympathetic feeling which they
manifested to me.
One other reason, and I had almost said more powerful than the
earthquake, operating on my mind for a return to the States, was
the visit of Barron to California. It upset all my settled and quiet
feelings, broke into my history, and formed one of the most un-
pleasant pages among the ups and downs of my chequered career.
I felt as though all the unpleasant associations of my early days
which I would gladly have banished from the book of my remem-
YOU 9080 015:

MRS. JANE BARRON.
79
brance, were all revived and made known to the friends in Cali-
fornia, and it seemed like home no longer.
My employees, Mr. and Mrs. Young, were kind and sympathi-
zing friends. Mrs. Regness also, a lady from Germany, in their
employ, and one of the finest workers in embroidery, was a very
good friend, very much of a lady. She discouraged my writing
this book, because it would be so severe a task, but notwithstand.
ing, I procured the paper and materials and commenced.
My memory not being in the least impaired, I can call to mind
the whole train of current life, from long before my marriage to
the present time. Mr. Young advised me to persevere, saying he
thought it a good idea.
Printing, like most other mechanical labor, is much dearer in
San Francisco than in the Eastern states, and hence another ne-
cessity for returning, if I would get my book before the public eye.
As I have gone back to the well of memory and drawn from its
deep resources occurrences of past life, I am at times, while
writing, nearly overcome by nervous action.
Times, too, in California, had changed. The Banks had failed,
Merchants broke, and a general crash in the business world seem-
ed on the eve of taking place. Prices for goods, and of course
for labor had become much less; hence the inducements were less
than when I first went there, to remain. Yet I shall ever have
cause to speak well of the people of California. Their kindness
to me was always great and disinterested. The climate has made
my attachment to the country even greater than anything else.--
Sacramento is a low, level city, and is less healthy than San Fran-
cisco.
After
my
friend Bond had seen me on board the steamboat for
Panama, and after he had introduced me to the officers of the Boat
and got assurances of particular care in my long, rough jonrney,
he bade me a long farewell. I was alone, yet I felt safe in the

80
LIFE OF
charge and protection of those gentlemanly officers and servants
on the good steamer • San Nora."
Nearly all nations were represented on that boat, but the great
number was made up of Germans. We started, and I bade adieu
to the romantic shores of El Dorado.

MRS. JANE BARRON.
81
CHAPTER XX.
We had not been out upon the broad Pacific more than three
hours before the winds began to toss the waves too merrily for my
poor sea-sick constitution. Three or four days elapsed before I
could set up at all.
In a week I grew better, set up and had some appetite, part of
the time going to the table for my meals. The tenth day we ar-
rived at Panama, when the bustle commenced preparatory to go-
ing on shore.
There was one lady going to New Orleans who, like myself,
was without any husband for protection. We, however, showed
ourselves equal to the task of self protection, and my experience
is that a woman only needs to feel that she can take care of her-
self, to be able to go anywhere and command respect.
What destroys woman and makes her so dependent is the fact
of her own submission and acknowledgement. “ Stand up and
be somebody," is what should be our motto, then all the world can-
not and would not put us down.
The shallow waters at Panama made it difficult and somewhat
dangerous getting from the steamer to shore. We had to go on a
steam ferry boat, crowded to excess, in the darkness of night, and
thus 700 passengers must find their way to the landing.
I came very near being drowned, for want of knowledge, among
6

82
LIFE OF
the crowd. By advice of some gentlemen we concluded, to save
ourselves, that we would sit down and remain on the floor of the
boat and remain so until she landed.
One lady lost her carpet bag; another was badly burned against
the open hot machinery; one by falling down the steps, and
another lost a beautiful shawl, and other things.
The danger was terrific, everybody looking out for himself, or
herself, alone. The care and guardian of a kind Providence was
more than ever before and around my mind. I felt to thank him
for my passage through such places with safety.
About three o'clock in the morning we walked a plank" from
the ferry boat, and set foot again upon “terra firma.” We all
went to the public house, distant nearly half a mile. On our way
there we saw great numbers of the natives. The Spanish, too,
had their little tables spread with their kind of cakes, inviting to
those whose appetite was sharpened by want of food.
Oranges and banannas, with some kind of nuts, were very
tempting. Young parrots were offered for sale. The steerage
passengers gathered around in great numbers and eagerly partook
of this native repast.
Panama is a heathenish looking place. It is very ancient in its
general appearance, and though some appearances of riches and
magnificence, yet the people looked like savages to me.
After arriving at the public house we called for breakfast, and
we got one as poor as needful. It was poorly cooked and nothing
that was fit to eat, nothing palatable. We ate but little and paid
a dollar for it.
At eight A. M. we went to the cars, the Rail Road having been
completed since I had passed over the Isthmus. This was a great
saving over the mule trip I made on going out. In four hours we
landed safely in Aspinwall, afier a pleasant ride. The sun was so
extremely hot when we left the cars, that we made all speed to a
shelter, while the yellow sand was over shoe and hot enough to
blister our feet.

MR. JANE BARRON.
83
m
Here we took dinner to the dollar tune, and in consequence of
ill health I laid down while the baggage was being put on the
large steamor“ George Law.” The steamer on the Pacific was
well managed, every thing in perfect order; and set the best of
tables.
When our baggage was all on board the gangways were opened
for the passengers.
The scenery around was beautiful, and the cocoanuts hung
thick on the trees around the houses. Having purchased my tick-
et, with a great deal of difficulty I secured my state room, and I
felt ready to drop down with fatigue, heat, and want of food, for I
had not felt like eating anything since I left Panama.
The steamer started the first of March, and then came on the
dreadful sea-sickness again. For three days the noble steamer
rolled and tossed in the troughs of the sea. Then came a calm,
and I got better and began to set up again. Every attention was
paid to me. The boat was nice, and the officers perfect gentle-
men. They had music and dancing and games, which made the
time, to the well ones, pass off pleasantly. When I was well
enough to mingle with the passengers, 1 found some nice ladies
from various parts of the world,
There was a lady and her husband from New Orleans, who had
been the overland route to California, who told me something of
their history, and how much they suffered.

84
LIFE OF
CHAPTER XXI.
I arrived in New York on the 15th day of March, 1856, quite
sick, and stopped at the Girard House, where every attention was
paid me until I recovered my usual good health.
I now concluded to make a visit to my relatives in Seneca coun-
ty, and accordingly arrived at Ovid the last of March. My return
was very unexpected to some of my friends-especially to those
who had busied themselves with my affairs, as they had expected
I would never return again.
I thought it was necessary that I should attend to my own busi-
ness. My relatives seemed very much surprised that I should re-
turn as I did, perfectly rational, with all my faculties as well as
ever, notwithstanding the persecutions and ill-treatment I had re-
ceived during life.
I intended, with the assistance of that kind protector who had
enabled me to struggle thus far through life, to defend my own case
in such a calise as this, and it appears to me an act of justice that
Barron should return, after an absence of 27 years, express a de-
sire to see me; stating that he alone had been to blame in my
having left him. Also his telling them how he had drank and gam-
bled, and notwithstanding they believed I was to blame, he fully
exhonerated me.
However, they all appeared very glad to see me, when I first ar-

MRS. JANE BARRON.
85
rived, made great manifestations of joy at my return, expecting,
as I had been to California, I had certainly amassed great wealth,
but a short sojourn with them soon convinced them that their sus-
picions in that case were far from real, I had not even brought
them a present, and it did not take me long to discover that my
departure from there was anxiously desired. ben
The houseekeper that Mr. Seely had secured before my depar-
ture for California, was still with him, and joined with the rest in
their denunciation against me. I suppose she thought I
would remain there the balance of my days, which would directly
interfere with her arrangements, managed in a short time to even
induce Mr. Seely to treat me with coldness.
They even endeavored to get my little grand-daughter to dis-
like me, when they were aware how much I had done for her.-
They were continually talking to her against me.
I found out a great deal more of my people after my return to
Ovid than they are aware of. I am not alarmed at all they can
say in regard to my business or myself, as I am confident that jus-
tice, sooner or later, will have its sway, and I know that I will have
justice done me in the end.
My opinion is this: if a poor, lone, forsaken woman wishes to
meet with any encouragement she ought not to go within five hun-
dred miles of a rich relative.
On my first arrival in Ovid it appeared to me as if they were all
very much excited in regard to my business, and Barron's return-
ing. I tried my best to soothe their feelings and have them as
composed as possible. I thought that if they really had any
knowledge at all, as far as human nature was concerned, it was
very limited.
And should Barron ever return among them again, I can assure
him that so long as they labor under the belief that he has money
he will be well treated, but if they discover that he is not possessed

86
LIFE OF
of that, he will get the cold shoulder turned toward him very
quick.
And now, kind reader, as I have stated to you in my prospect-
us, my object in publishing the history of my life is to furnish the
example of a lone woman, who has accomplished under severe
trials and difficulties what but few women are ever called upon to
pass through, and in the decline of my life, to afford, by the sale
of my book, a means of subsistence and comfort, while I still so-
journ in this world of sorrow and trial.

87
SAY A KIND WORD WHEN YOU CAN.
What were life without some one to cheer us,
Without a word or a smile on our way,
And a friend who is faithful near us,
When all true friends are away ;
The bravest of spirits have often
Half failed in the race they have ran,
For a kind life's hardships to suffer,
So say a kind word when you can.
Each one of us own's to some failing,
Though some may have more than the rest;
But there's no good in heedless railing,
Against those who are striving their best.
Remember a word spoke complaining,
May blight every effort and plan ;
When a kind word will help in attaining,
So say a kind word when you can.
Oh, say a kind word when ever
You think it will make a heart cheerful,
But chiefly, forget it, oh never,
To the one that is hopeless and sad;
There is no word so easy in saying,
So begin, if you've not already began,
And never in life be delaying,
To say a kind word when you can.

88
THE FORSAKEN.
It hath been said-for all who die,
There is a tear ;
Some pining, bleeding heart to sigh
O’er every bier;
But in that hour of pain and dread,
Who will draw near
A round my humble couch and shed
One farewell tear ?
Who watch my life's departing ray
In deep despair,
And sooth my spirit on its way
With holy prayer ?
What mourner round my bier will come
In “ weeds of wo,"
And follow me to my long home?
When lylng on my clayey bed,
In icy sleep,
Who there, by pure affection led,
Will come and weep;
By the pale moon implant the rose
Upon my breast,
And bid it cheer my dark repose-
My lowly rest?
Could i but know when I am sleeping
Low in the ground,

89
One faithful heart would there be keeping
Watch all night round,
As if some gem lay shrined beneath
That sod's cold gloom,
'Twould mitigate the pangs of death,
And light the tomb.
Yes, in that hour, if I could feel,
From halls of glee,
And beauty's presence, one would steal
In secresy,
And come and sit and weep by me
In night's deep noon-
Oh! I would ask of memory
No other boon.
But ah ! a lonelier fate is mine-
A deeper wo;
From all I love in youth's sweet time,
1 soon must go-
Draw round me my cold robes of white,
In a dark spot,
To sleep through Death's long dreamless night,
Lone and forgot.

90
LIFE ON
LINES TO A LADY.
How changed that forehead, once so fair,
Round which were tresses braided ;
Ere grief its lines had pencilled there,
Or gloom its beauty shaded.
And ah, thine eye was sweetly bright,
With maiden joy and gladness ;
But sorrow now has dimmed its light,
And hung its lid with sadness.
I knew thee once-a happy one-
A gay and smiling creature,
Who hailed life's bright exulting sun,
With bliss on every feature.
Dark disappointment's venomed sting
Had never dared to wound thee;
And love and youth were clustering
In vernal brightness round thee.
Hope bent upon life's morning sky
Her bow of promise o'er thee ;
And hung in rich and various dye,
Her fairy dreams before thee.
And though the golden sun be set,
That gemmed our morning hours,
A fragrance hovers round them yet,
Like that round summer bowers.

91
For ah, on childhood's sinless prime,
A holy light is painted,
That mildly shines through after-time,
By all its cares untainted.
The memory of visions gone,
The thoughts of time departed ;
Ere grief had put its mantle on,
Or ere a tear had started.
These, these shall live—the sunny isles
That deck life's stormy ocean,
And long their sweetly beaming smiles
Shall quell its wild commotion.
Then, mid the clouds that o'er us roll
In stern and angry fleetness,
We'll turn us to that nectared bowl,
And drink again its sweetness.

92
BE KIND TO OLD AGE.
Be ever kind to those who bend
Beneath the weight of time ;
For they were once like thee, my friend,
In blooming manhood's prime.
But Bitter care and weary years,
Have borne their joys away,
Till naught remains, but age and tears,
And dark’ning dim decay.
Life's sweetest hours have hastened past,
It's bloom is faded now,
And dusky twilight deepens fast,
Along the furrowed brow.
And soon the shattered remnants all,
A narrow house receives.
For one by one the silent fall,
Like withered autumn leaves.
Oh, then be kind where'er thou art !
Nor deem such action vain-
Kind words can make the aged heart,
Seem almost young again.
Cheer thou the weary pilgrim on,
To yonder mansion cold ;
And may the same for thee be done,
When thou thyself art old.

93
CONFIDENCE IN ONE'S SELF.
When a crisis befalls you, and the emergency requires moral
courage and noble manhood to meet it, be equal to the require-
ments of the moment, and rise superior to the obstacles in your
path. The universal testimony of men whose experience exactly
coincides with yours, furnishes the consoling reflection that diffi-
culties may be ended by opposition. There is no blessing equal
to the possession of a stout heart. The magnitude of the danger
needs nothing more than a greater effort than ever at your hands.
If you prove recreant in the hour of trial you are the worst of rec.
reants and deserve no compassion. Be not dismayed or unruanned
when you should be cold and daring, unflinching and resolute.
The cloud whose threatening murmurs you hear with dread and
fear, is pregnant with blessings, and the frown whose sternness
now makes you shudder and tremble, will ere long be succeeded
by a smile of bewitching sweetness and benignity. Then be
strong and manly; oppose equal forces to open difficulties; keep
a stiff upper lip, and trust in Providence. Greatness can only be
achieved by those who are tried. The condition of that achieve
ment is confidence in one's self.





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16 Oc7.197

1857 Barron, Jane
(case)
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