TO tHE WEST, T OGETHER WITH BY -'PETROL V. NASBY, D IMMICRAT OF T1IRTY YEARS STANDING, AND WHO.ALLUS TU mS LICKER STRAIGHT.,tEI-:,,eod: to'AS of Oongre, in th year e1866, by 3. C. RANDY & D., n te rksl9 toe t D t Court of the United ts, for the south. - AMERICAN NEWS COMPANY, Agntue, 119 & 121 NASSAU STREET. N. LITTLE SQUIBS.'ANDIO0 JOHINSON.-His Life and Adventures, including his wonderful political progress from Alderman to Presidentrand his celebrated STUMPING TOUR OUT WEST. BY PETROLECM I'. NASBY. With a large number of humorous Illustrations. LIFE AND ADVENTURES OF JEFF. DAVIS. —This little book has had an immense sale, at the'south as well as at the north, and is generally considered to be a pretty good thing. It has some forty illustrations, several being full rage ones, by MlcArone. LINCOLN AND McCLELLAN.-The "Lives" of Lincoln and McClellan were-issued in two little "s quibs" during the exciting campaign of 1864. Aftcr the election a large demand induced us to republish them tecether. The tragic death of Mr. Lincoln, rendering the most painless and innocent things of this kind out of place and oftensive, caused us to suppress the edition. As a souvenir of that campaign, it will no doubt be in demand. Both "lives" together, illustrated. HARDSJTELL B I PTIS T' STRIKES ILE.-This book was very. popular during the oil excitement, and contains many good things which will be relished by lovers of burlesque. Handsome glazed cover, illustrated. - THE HARP OF A THOUSAND STRINGS.-This is by the author of thoeHardshell Baptijt, and, is mainly note-worthy for the eelebrated burlbique sermon which has now become famous wherever the English lanLfmtge is spoken. 1The book met with moderate success. Illustrated. Z..~j Any of these books can be had of any newsdealer, or by remitting price to the publishers. Price, Ten Cents per copy, or the five in one package for Forty Cents. J. C(. HANEY & Co., Publishers, 1.09 Nassau street, N. T. Dealers will please order from the Wholesale Dealers, of whom they get their usual supplie. AiUicrA Nanws Co., GEXNERAL AoENTS. x~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ N" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~KI I Ail~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'X~~~~~~~~~~~~~~' ~~~~~~ ~111 J -. RVIMN. -amI — CAP ~~~= 1. Determined to take a Sismmcr trip, our no'le Mhxef 2. The Secr, dary of State being ivvited to accompas':Magi8trate packs up a few iitdi2spesabte articles. him also, packs up a20f(1 tfivgr/. o a a a~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ...~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~N... RIME~~~~~~~~~~~~~I / ---- \' ='YA~3 ~ ~____ \1\ ~~~~I —"- i Te Genral uuderstand. that he is to go along with the -artit. and also packs some of the necessaries of life. 4. Afew Friends of the President accompany him. 21&~~~~~~~~~ 1. Great enthusia-m along ttInds*%;5iC~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~, X, Great enthusiasm alonIg the Route. I.'-ic Pr( sident leaves the Constitution with the people out (] the car windo0. Iii II~~C I,'~ ~ h 0 i'~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~il i' ~ _J ---- - - -- - 4-~~~~~~~~~j K t., i,;,\ V 1 I " 1 -- F~~R~o`MOO ~~~~~ueiAP~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'~~A irjr;;Bi'~I 1 SYU~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I- F E: EII Enthusiastic Receplion of the President at, Oeveland.~~~~~~~~~~CCF fF~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~h~ ~ ~ ~~ ~~~~ i!11 I i i i' J~,........,~o.~.. era NavaCor the pbalcot /arragut presides ov'r a Navl Cort. he blcon ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ i,\ 10 rn aosth ulcwt v~icwV iVmsefo 9.Prau rsdsoe aa or.tebloy 11. Our noble Pr.9;de.t is insulted by a bloody and i memorable and dignfied words: Al! / 1 thoufgti you brutal Radic:al and Neitcigentationist. were ab mean-lookinq steal." 13. Or noble President hears from Vermont, but- 14. He Aears from Maitne. thinks it isn't more than migk t be expectedfrom Vermont. 15. Be hears frrnm Pennsylvania, and Indiana and Ohio. 16. Be hears.,from New York. "-.... ",-~ \ 7'' -—: -_- J. —. ~~.,_.~.... ----- _._ __ _ 17 T-u Pr% —n d tat e ra t — ~~~~~~~~- ~ ea ~ rairoad caat — q ha-~~s' tahe~- vla" 18. How the Preeidevt went; into the excursion. How he caym out of the excursion., N. B.-Thihs is meant Afleaorical. i, LOAL MEN WHETHER I ii' w Hv1TE R BL \CK SHALL INNI N'6~~~9 - ~THE~H!LTERTO 0 MNE ADNTROL 6TRAIT E r ~'OiC) r I~:~sTNIE$* l 7 "i DESIRE THAT ALL MEN] S-IAHLL HAVE A FAIR STAR' AND EQUAL CHANCE IN< ~___~ iT T HE I[A E 0F I E",, LI FE 455 19. Wfords ofgolden wisdom dropped by the President 20~ The — last year. returnt.o seema to have a,'.._ The Triim ANDROO JOHNSON, IIIS LIFE, INCLUDIN' HIS INFANCY, HIS BOYHOOD, AND HIS DIMOCRISY AND ABOLITIONISM, SEPARATE AND MIXED. BY PETROLEUM V. NASBY, A DIMOCRPT UV THIRTY YEAR'S STANDIN', WHO NEVER SKRATCHED HIS TICKET AND ALLAZ TOOK HIS LIKKER STRATS. Entered according to act of Congress in the year 1866, by J. C. HANEY & CO., In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the United States for the Southern DW trict of New York. ANDROO JOHNSON, HIS LIFE, INCLUDIN' HIS INFANCY, HIS BOYtOOD, AND HIS DIMOCISY AND ABOLISHUNISM, SEPARATE AND MIXED. BY PFETROLUNE V. NAtIBY, A D]inokmra ur thirty years' Standin' who neer sratloed his lkot and ala took his Likker strab. CHAPTER 1. HIS INFANCY. Androo Johnson, the subjick uv this sketch, wuz born in 1808, or thereabouts,.umwher in the visinity uv Rawly, in the State uv North Karliny. There, amongst the majestic pines whose bows toss theirselves in perfeck freedom amid the smell uv turpentine and the odor of rosin, the second Jaxon drawd his fnust breth. His paternal progenitor, I make no doubt, wuz a poor white man. The writer hereof knew nothin uv, him, and wuz never interdoost to him, but takes it for grantid; the subjick uv this sketch bein a white man and a very poor one. "Like prodoooes like," is a aforism wich has atood several years. Young Anhdoo's infancy wuz spent in the manner yoosual to the poor whites uv that country. He wondered pensively over the sand barrens, pluckin ez he strayed the gorgus jimson weeds and wonderin whether or not there wuz anything better in the world to eat than clay. All this is mere supposition, however, for, unfortunately, there aint no record uv his early yeoth, and ez he aint dead yit, biographers havent hed time to invent the small lies wieh they stick into the early lives uv notorious men. The writer hereof is left to conjecter as.to is early yoeth, and like all biographers he's talented on conjector. Its his best holt. The writer hereof, jud gi Androo's boyhood by his manhood, is inevitably forced to these conjeeters', — That his Blyhood wuz not like the boyhood uv George Washington, for George, after he slashed down old Washington's cherry tree, confessed the hack, averrin that he coodent tell a lie. Our Androo hez bin repeatedly tested since he become a man and he alluz succeeded too well in chokin trooth to leave any doubt ez to his capacity ia that line in his infancy. Bich proficiency ez he hex exhibited for the last four 16 L F ANDROO JOHNSON. yars cood only be acquired by a life uv practice, onless indeed, the party wuz talented. Ez Androo isn't he must hey commenced young and stuck close to it. Ef he avoided the deseevin uv his prient in the matter uv a cherry tree it wus, the writer conjectess beeoz 1.' His athe:-hed no garden. 2. There wasn't no cherry tree in it. 3. He eoncloofiid there would be more profit in waltin to steal the cherries than in cuttin the tree down. Uv course all uv this is conjeeter. The writer hereof is led to conclood also that he wuz not a good boy, not -only becoz there coodent be no jury uv twelve men impannelied who'd bring him in guilty uv bein a good man, but also from the fact that he is a man-a livin man uv fifty-two years. AU good-boys, them who propose stunnin tIFE OF ANDROO JOBNSON. 1 questions in theology to their admirin parients, (whieh ailu7 turns aside and weeps for joy,) and who breed rabbits, hol.d hosses and set hens, et settry, to git mony to buy trax to send to the poor heathen, wich we read about in the Sunndy Skool papers, alluz die young, wich is proper, ez the writer hereof conjectures that the five year old who woodent spend his money for taffy, and who wood insist on sendin it to heathen, is. too good for this world, and wood never be able to be elected to Congress from Tennessee, where every candidate earefully cultivates a crcfp uv heathen to start on. The writer hereot, don't deny the trooth uv George Washington's triumph over his perverse heart, but Georgy was a great boy and wuz the makin uv a great man. His assertions therefore prove nothin for Androo, there bein not the slightest similarity between the two subjicks. The writer hereofhavin conjectered him through his infancy, passes to CHAPTER II HIS YOUTH. The subjick uv this sketch wuz a" an early age auprenticed to the tailorin biznes, wich wuz a most fortuna'e and appropriLEARNING TO READ. ate selection, becoz fust, the aspirant is only required to be the ninth part uv a man, and second, since his wonderful elevation it hez afforded him the opportunity uv gettin off several I LEf OF ANDROO JOHNSON. Joe Millerisms to good effeck. For instance, he appears in pollitic.ez a compromiser. Wat is neeter than for him to remark'n a jocose vein that he wuz alluz a skilful mender uv breac es! And there are several alloosions to "geese" and "fit' et settery, wich in his mouth hev done servis. While EE lIE EMIGRATES, yet an apprentice be learned to read, a most fortunate thing for hisself and the Dimocracy.' The writer hereof hez knowd persons who didn'; believe in fore ordinashen. Wat ideots I Let skeptcks eggsamine the history uv our hero, and deny ef they kin, the workins uv the hand uv Providence in it. Sposn he hed postponed learnin to read till after he wuz married, wat wood hey bin the result? Hie wood hev had children to support and coodent hev found time to learn to read at all. Sposn his parients cood hev borrowed money enuff to hev emigrated to Noo Hampshir0 where readin is a accomplishment everybody possesses, and wich consekently does not entitle the possessor to speshel consideration-of either uv these things bed happened, wat wood hey hin the result? He woodent hen moved to Greenville, be woodent hey bin elected Alderman LnF OF ANDUOO JOHNSON. 19 nor member nv the L'gislacher, nor Cougreweman, nor eena. tor, nor Vice-President; and consekently woodent hey bin on hand when the goriller Lincoln wuz slain by the hand uv the martyr Booth, to give to the South wat they hed been strivir in vain four years for, to wit: the control uv the Government. Ef I ever doubted this great trooth the progress uv the sub. jick uv thiA -sketch wood hey removed the doubts uv the writer hereof. To rescom: He learned to read, and armed with this accomplishment, moved from Rawly to Greeaville, in East Tennessee, and there-found his opportooaity He cood- read plain print and was in a community strickly Dimokratic, where the prao. tis wuzn't Dcommon. He saw his chance and waded in. I pass to CHAPTER IH. Mes MANo0D-BUBDDIN GLOLIS. The subjick uv this sketch wuz elected Alderman uv that quiet Wlliage, tradition is silent ez to what he acheeved in this capacity, except that while servin his first term he wuz married. His wife wuz a accomzplished woman who hed ambition into her. She taught the subjick uv this sketch more readin, and writin in addishun. and that settled his future course. A1s-M 01 THE JOINSON F.ALY. The Dimocracy nominated him for the Legislacher, feelin that a man Who cooed both read and write, wood do em proud at the Capitol, and he was electid and served out his term.e. In 20 LIF OF AIwrOO JOHNSON. quick suc:ession he went to the Senitand wuz made Governor. t was at this period in his career-this proud moment uv his eggsistence, that a young and enthoosiastic admirer uv the subjict uv this uketch, whose paternal father hed spent a life-time in tha unsuccessful pursoot uv offis in Connecticut, aid wno wuz filed with amazement at the repeated steps upward taken by- our hero, wrote home to his progenitor in these words:"Dad I Dad! Oome out to Tennessee! Mighty mean men git effice here 1'" One term uv Governor giv him control enough to be almost anything; and so we find him goia to Congris and bein pro. moted to the Senate uv the United States. We have traced the subjick uv this sketch through several stages uv his progress. "First the infant-muling and pukin in a nigger's arms," Through the tailor's shop, Alderman's seat, Legislachers, Congris and Senate. We pass therefore, rather unwillingly, for at this pint curns in the dark spot in his history, to CHAPTER IV. BACKSLIDIN. There wuz war in the land. The Dimocrisy uv the South hed determined upon strikin' for their rites, and the leadin' men in the Dimocrisy uv the North hed sold out that wing uv the party to em. (We found -sum difficulty subsequently in transferrin' the property.) The Ablishinists uv Massachusetts colonized all o6er the West, and hbed succeeded by fraudulent votin' in electin' Abraham Linkin,-a unedikatid, unrefined rail-mauler,-president. The liberty ut the country wuz threatened. The South wuz convinst that under his rool, slavery wood be abolisht, notwithstandinl'he agreed to give bonds not to do it, and consekently the Dimocrisy split into two pieces to make his election a sure thing. He wuz elected, and immejitlythe fun commenst. Poor old Jimmy Bookannan who wuz probably the most limber backed Northen man who ever wuz born,-played into their hands, and things looked lively. Gov. Wise uv Virginny, who hedn't quite sense enough for a loonatic, and a little too much for an ideot, commenst firin' Virginny, and Rhett, and Davis, and Toombs, and Wigfall, et all, did the biznis for-the balance uv'em,,nd one after another, the Dimekratic states seceshed and set up a government uv their own.: The writer hereof don't perpose writin' a history uv tbhe war that follered. He cood sling ink to sum purpose in sieh a work, for he seed a-part on it. He wuz a northern LWFE OF ANDROO JOHNSON. 21 Dimekrat who wuz crooelly,:aftedi i,.oa irvis wich lie iidl't believe in, who wuz torn from the buzzar uv Lii5 family o, fite for a coz he loathed, leavin' his family to support theirselvea ez best they cood. And he here begs his readers not to credit the Ablishnists who jeerinly affirmed that his family got alorg better after he wuz drafted than before, ez they didn't hev him to support. Troo, his wife did take in wasbhin'-troo she did the mancoel labor, but it wuz the gigantic intellek uv the BACKSLIDING writer hereof, who guided and directed the biznia. I wuz the Imanceer uv the house-I reseeved and expendid the funds. But this is digressive. The writer hereof could not carry a musket and pint it at his friends, and deserted, servin' a year in the hightoned regiment, the Louisanna Pelikens, and only deserted them becoz he felt he cood do the Federal Government more damage by jumpir' bounties and votin' the Dimokratic 22 LIFE OF ANDROO JOMSTON. ticket up North, than he coed running with the Pelikins, o rather, jist in front uv'erm, which wuz his custom. Tile fus, tactics the writer hereof studied, wuz retreatin', and he became a master uv it. At this pint, the subjick uv the sketch played dirt on tie Dimokrisy. He went back on'em, and jined hisself to their enemies. His course can only be akkounted for thusly: 1. He may have conclooded the confedrits hed too hefty a job on hand, and wood lose, and he never fa icied the losin' side. 2. That the Federals wood probably gi ve a Southern man most anything for the sake uv the example, or 3. He knew he'd stand no chance in the new government, ez the leaders had distinctly announced that they intended to make it a government uv gentlemen. Thefetore he struck hands wig% Linkin, and wuz to-wunst given a soft thing. He stock to his seat in the senate till his time wuz out, and then wuz made Military Govenor uv TYnnessee, with the rank and pay uv Brigadir General, wich give him the hunkiest kind uv a chance wich the subjick uv this sketch improved with his usual ability. It3 the nacher u r sum men when they mount a hoss, to ride it till its spavined, and sich a man is the suhjick uv this sketch, in the opinion uv the writer hereof. Some years before he bought a nigger or two, so that he might blat, Southern fashion; he let em go and went in on Ablis'iun at a rate wich made Wendell Phillips blush for his sex. In his madness he descended to the depth uv addressin nigger mass meeting, and on one occasion, he likened em to the Israelites in bondage, and offered hisself to be their Moses, and lead em up out uv the Red Sea uv slavery into the promised land. After cavortin in Nashville till he lost the good opinion uv every Dimokrat, he sealed his politikle infamy by acceptin the nominashen for Vice-President on the ticket with the goriller Li'nkin, and bein elected, wich wuz accomplishqd with but little trouble, for Linkip's magnitood covered Johnson's smallness; the ticket had so big a head that nobody thought uv examinin the tail. Besides all that, they hadn't auybody uv the slightest consekence to run agin, for the Dimokrisy had committed sooiside at Checago by nominatin a bustid general for President to ketch the war ~ben, and a fightin peace man for Vice-President to ketch the peace men. The thing didn't work, ez the war Dimokra s wuz afeerd that ef Mick Lellan, (that was his name I bele.ve) shood be elected, he'd continue the war, and take command agin hisself, in wich event sich ez wuz drafted wood never git homre, and the peace men wooden't vote for him, becoz le had diaiwll his sword agin the wrong party for them. The people LIFE OF ANDROO JOINSON. 23 ginerally didn't favor the ticket, becoz it tapered ez much ez the other, only it wuz reversed, the small end wuz the hed. The Linkin and Johnson ticket mite be likened to a giraffe, all head, the Mick Lellan and Pendleton ticket, to a anacondaall tail. Still they wuz elected, but before the eleekshen he throwd away wat ther wuz uv Dimokrisy left in him. He mixed his likker and refoosed to drink with his constitooency. He patronized fancy drinks, then modern abominashens, sich ez mint gooleps, and sherry cobblers, and other aristocratic beverages, forgittin that he had been weaned on new corn whisky, and that the only furrin flavor imparted to it case from the corn cob stopper in the jug. The writer hereof, who is a vetran observer, hez notist that a man is no longer to be trusted ez a Dimokrat who changes his'shirt morn wunst in two weeks, and who refuses to drink out uv a jug, and when he ascends to paper collars and gold studs in his shirt buzzum, his case is hopelis. Clean shirts characterize the bloated aristocracy, and he who wears em is a pampered son u v luxury. Trust none sich. But Androo's sin did not stop at this. He not only went back on the normal style uv refreshin hisself, but he stoopt to the ineffable meanness uv subterfugin. He let on he took it for medicine I Cood morral turpitood go further? Wuz there a deeper depth to sound? From this pint he ascended, for its the nacher uv the cuss to keep movin, and ez he cooden't git no lower, he hed to cum up. He wuz in a false position, and wuz uncomfortable. Sumner and Stevens didn't soot him, and he commenst playin off on em. But we pass to CHAPTER V. A GLEEM TV HOPE-REFORMATION. The writer hereof watched the course uv the subjiek uvthis sketch with a eagle eye. Nacher made him a Dimokrat-his natural inatinks all run that way, and I chafed to think that one so fitted to shine in our ranks, should throw hisself into a organization he hadn't a single qualification for. When he found hisself Vice-President, him and the people wuz turprised, and ez soon ez they hed time to think, they asked theirselves these questions: The People-How in thunder did we get crazy enough to put him there? Androo-How in thunder did I git here? Neither uv em cood satislfactorily answer the question, but there he wuz. The Dimokrisy laft, for ez a gineral rool they had managed to git respectable tinbcer for Vice-Presidents, more respectable 24 IFE OF ANDROO JOHNSO.. really than for Presidents, for they hed a pride in hevin the Senit decently presided over. Polk hed Dallas, Pierce hed King, and poor old Bookannon hed Breckinridge. The gleamn uv hope to which the writer hereof referred in the headin uv this chapter bust onto the Dimokrisy on the 4th of March, 1865. The subjick of this sketca wuz to be inoggeratid. All Washinton wuz assembled. There wuz the mUinisters unv the farrin courts; with ther badges and decorations, and the assembled multitoods uv Amerikins from all parts uv the country, wich made a rather gay assemblage. Linkin wuz swore in and hed his say. The subjick uv this sketch appeared to take his swear. The writer hereof wnz jist in front av him, and ANDREW TAKING MIS SWEAR. talin one smell and one look he yfled halleloogy I His breath, so long disguised with aristocratic drinks, bed bin naturalized with whisky! He could barely git onto the stand-his eyes T.AE OF ANDROO JOHNSON. 25 wuz uv a dead fish color, his nose wuz uv the ginrous hue prevalent at Dimokratic caucuses, and his tongue wui thick. -'he fact is, the subjick uv this sketch wuz inebriated, and I hollered halJeloogy agin. I knowd it wuz all rite. I felt it in my bones and all over me that ere long he'd be normal, and agin lead the Dimokratic hosts. At that moment, knowin ez I do the characteristics uv thie party, I woodent hev given a confedrit five cent peece to her bin inshoord a Post-office. I to-wunst wrote to the editor uv the New York World not to abooze him, but to "Take him up tenderly, Tech him with care," but the telegraph beat me Afore my letter reached him he, in his innosence and ignorance uv the Dimokratic character, had pitched into him, comparin him to a hoss and sich, and really did us damage. But I left Washinton ashoored. Honey bed come out uv the carcuss —the pit our foe hed digged he fell into hisself. We pass to CHAPTER VI. THE BUD UV HOPE BLOSSOMS INTO FROOT WHICH WE REVENEI PLUCKED EZ YIT. That estimable and zealous patriot Booth cut the gordlan knot uv difficulty wich bothered the Dimokracy. His bullet relieved the subjick uv this sketch from Ablishnism, and opened to him a road back to the Dimokratic camp. He found hisself President, but this time the Dimokrisy wuzn't at all surprised at his elevation. They know'd all about it. Young bimokrats who didn't know their biz, continyood their aboose uv him, but I held quiet, for I knew wat the endin' wood be. I felt that he coodn't act in concert with Boston-that Sumner and Stevens wood be too much for him, and it warmed my soul to think that when he did come, the post offices and other places wood stick enuff Conservative Republikins to his tail to give us the majority. Conservatism means post offices-it may be defined ez stayin'in the rear, and I served long enough in the army ez a drafted man to know that the baggage is alluz in the rear. Ez a drafted man I learned the location of the baggage. I wuz partly right in my conjecters, and partly not. He wuz by nachur and education, a Dimokrat, but he hed bin with the Ablishnists jist long enough to learn that they wuz a higher grade uv bein's. Ther wuz two conflictin' forces pullin' at him -the desire acquired, to be a respectable man, and the cisposi. tion natural, to be a Dimokrat. He had to compremise, and it wuz a funny thing. He wuz 26 iLWE or ANDROO JOHNSON. a little too good for a Dimokrat, and not quite good enough for an Ablishnist. Virginia despized him, Boston looked down on him, and both stroved to use him. His fast step wuz his tlrowin' off the uncomfortable robe uv Moses. The garment had never fitted him no more than a soldier's overcote wood an organ grinder's monkey. He quit the THIE AFCAN MOSES. Moses biznis, all to wunst, and the world saw this difference between him and the eminent Jew uv that name. Moses took his Hebrews clean through the Red Sea. Androo took his'n thro', but jest ez they wuz climbin' up the bank, turned and shoved em baclk a in, or tried to. Moses took his through tbe wilderness. Androo left his in a thundrin' hard row uv stumps. Moses saw his Hebrews on the tother side uv Jordan. LIFE OF aNDROO JOHNSON. 21 Androo left his in sich a fix that they wisht themselves on tother side uv Jordan. Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness that his bit Hebrews might look and live. Trumbull tried to liftup jist sich a serpent for Androo's Hebrews, but Androo vetoed it. CHAPTER VII. TEE VETO. indroo Jaxon, whose inishals are the same ez those uv the subjick uv this sketch, wuz heavy on the veto. In his hand the veto wuz at least a left bower, and ez he allez had it well guarded, he never failed to make a pint with it. He never risked anything on it onless it wuz backed up with a strong soot on wich he cood depend. This metaphor will be understood in the society in wich the writer hereof moves. But agencies wich is power in one man's hands, is weakniss itself in another's. Ginral Fremont wuz eminent at diskiverin a path to the Pacific, H. Word 3eecher at preechin at $12,000 per annum, and Heenan at knock-.n Sayer's around lively in a prize fight. Spozan Fremont shood try preechin, LIeenan bein a pathfinder, and Beecher turn to prize fightin? They wood each prove ridikulous failures. Fre. mont wood bust on the gospel, Heenan wood perish among the Digger Injins, or stop in Utah and turn Mormon, and Beech er wood be knocked out uv time the first round. Every man to his biznes —the great Jaxon understood the veto; in his hands it wuz safe, jist az the nytro-glycerine, wich Nobel uses recklessly in other men's hands blows up Aspinwall. Wun whose talent runs to mules might lay his head safely under the heels uv a depraved specimen, wich wood kick the brains out uv another man in ten seconds by an eight day clock. 1 trust I heyv made this pint plain. The veto in poor hands is like.: kickin muskit-it ginerally knocks over the man who holds it. Androo Johnson (the subjick uv this sketch) hed bin in the Ablishin ranks too long for his own good. When he determined to leave em he resorted to the veto, comin to the unwise concloosion that becoz the first A. J. vetoed a bill and wuz sustained in it, the second A. J. could do likewise, forgettin that the first A. J. vetoed only bad bills, wich cood only hev bin passed by a bad congress. He commenct operations on the Freedmen's Bureau -Bill, at wich the Dimocrisy hurrahed, for they don't like the Freedman nor his Bureau. I hev friends in Kentucky who don't. Desirin to live in Saratoga doorin the summer, and to play poker at Noo Orleens doorin the winter, they find the Bureau in the way. Them things can't be done ef you hev to pay for yoor labor at the rate uv $15 per month and found, and this Bureau compelled'em to do this very thing. 28 MRIFE O ANDROO JOHNS0O. Here he fell short uv the mark uv his high callin. Instid uv vetorn the Bill becoz he didn't approve uv the instooshn, he ve. toed it, becoz the Bureau then a runnin wuz suffishent, at wich -: i sentiment we didn't hurrah. The veto wuz well enough, but the reason he gave for it wuz rotten. It wuz ez though he had bathed us ia genial lookwarm water, and then dried us off with frozen towels. But we wuzn't left in the slough uv despond a great while. The 22d uv February wuz to be celebrated, and the representatives uv the Dimocrisy hed him prepared to make a speech. I spose they filled him with genooine Dimokratic enthoosiasm-I know that Ooyle.and Florence and Dan Voorhees got him cornered in his room, where Sam Cox read to him for eight hours choice extrax from the speeches uv Sumner and Stevens, editorials from the Triboon and Washington Chronicle, all uv wich wuz a pitchin into him, and7 resolutions passed by Dimokratic meetins approvin his course all over the country, all uv wich Cox, the cunnin cuss, writ the day afore. When the mind and imagination uv the subjick uv this sketch wuz sufficiently inflamed, they led him onto the stand, and removin the muzzle let him out. The result was all they eggspected, and con LIFE OF ANDROO JOHNSON. 29 sidubly more. When he quieted down Cox wood whisper "whitewash" in his ear, and away he'd go. That remark uv Sumner's wuz like calomel on the liver-it stirred up all the bile in his system. The scene wuz inspiritin. Before him stood thousands uv the brave soldiers uv the Confederacy, and more thousands uv the peace men uv the North. On the stand with him wuz the writer hereof, and Cox and Voorhees a touchin uv im off. The effect uv the discharge wuz terrific. The nation held its nose ez one man-the Ablishnists who hbed previously sworn that he wuzn't drunk when he wuz inoggerated, admitted that they might hev bin, and ondoubtedly wluz, mistaken, and they turned him over to us. But the ungrateful wretches didn't' also turn over to us the post offices. Them they held onto with an iron grip, and a stubborn Senate refoosed to confirm what few apintments he did make. Our last state was worse than our first. We hed An 30 LIFE OF ANDIWO ouJNmoN. droo Johnson, but not the plunder that made him available. We hed the shell out uv wich the enemy had cunningly sucked the meat. We hed the lumber uv the enemy's army, but not the camp chest or supply train. We hed the man, ez nasty ez he wuz, clothed like Joseph in a coat uv many colors-here a small thread uv State rites, there a patch uv Ablishism, here war and there peace, and we coodent for our lives tell what to do with him. We had drawed a elephant. We pass to CHAPTER VIII. THE BLOSSOMS BLASTED BUT REVIVE GAIW. The Ablishnists, with the sole purpose uv humiliatin the Democrisy, conceeved and brought forth the Civil Rites bill. It wuz designed to make the nigger the equal uv the Dimocrat, by removin the loads we had in self-defence imposed onto him. Androo Johnson promptly vetoed it, and then commenst his game uv see-saw agin. He darsent leave the Ablishnists, and still wanted to come to us, and so while vetoin the bill he gave ez a reason for doin it, that he wanted to give the nigger his rites, and wood see that he had'em, but this bill wuzn't just the thing to do it. Rites for a nigger I Why all the difference between a nigger and a Dimokrat is in this matter uv rites. That's the bone uv contention. Give a Georgia nigger the same rites endoored by the whites, and turn loose among them skool-masters and skool-marms, and how much inferior are they to the whites uv that State. I'm a bleever in blood, I am, and ez nine-tenths uv the niggers in the South hev coursin in their veins the proud patrician blood uv the Rhetts, Davis', Yanceys, Wises, Quitmans, and such, wot chance wood I hev who haint got no blood, hevin bin born in Noo Jersey uv parents wich wuz poor but not honest, ef these niggers with sich parentage had their rites, and cood raud? Without these rites he is the creature uv our willour serf. Dimocrisy wuz created to keep the nigger down, and it hez bin pullin uv him down to'em vigorously for all time. This eggstrordinary performance had the effect uv enragin the Ablishnists without pleasin the Dimocrisy. About this time he seemed to hev got the idea into him that he wuz the government. He didn't approve uv Congress, and he passed judgment onto the courts, and backed up by Seward (who was doin his level best to kill him,) conclooded to run the machine alone. He took it upon himself to say when and how the Dimokratic States should be beat back into the Union, and what should be done with'em when they got back, and so forth. Here wuz Androo's mistake. Gold is a valuable material, and is ductile. A little uv it will kiver a great surface, but it's apt to be there. Androo wuz thick ez a Senator, and correspondinly so ez President, but when he endeavored to roll hisself out into Presi LIFE OF ANDROO JOHNSON. 31 dent, Senit, House uv Representatives, Supreme Court and Cabinet, he wuz rather thin in spots. At this time his purposes began to develop themselves. ThQ Dimocrisy began to see they hed been too fast. Androo dident intend to jine the Democrisy at all-he proposed to start a new party, and hev it jine him. He wuz a workin at it vigorously and with considerable skill. He hed entrapped us into the supportin him, wich was rather smart, ez he made us a tail to his kite instid uv allowin us to make uv him a tail to ourn. It wuz Jonah swallerin the whale instid uv the whale swallerin Jonah. Possibly so nasty a swaller may turn his stumick. He incontinently went back on his Nashville declarations. Treason he made odious by pardnin every secesh who asks for it, and sum thousands who didn't, wich hed that effect, for ez they flourisht around Noo York and Philadelphia and Washinton the Ablish 32 LIFE OF ADROO JOHNSON. nists uv them cities, whose sons hed bin in the army, felt they wuz odiouser than ever. They wuz all enthoosiastic Johnson men. He pardoned every hors theef and cotton theef in the prisons, and ez they come outuv doorance vile they wuz all John,. son men. The postmasters, collectors, assessors, and office-holders through the country generally wuz Johnson men. The spinWdle-shanked clerks at Washinton, who spend $2,000 per annum out uv a salary v 91,200, met and resolved they wu Johnson men. Lew Campbell uv Ohio, who wuz apinted minister to Mexico, filed an affidavit that he wuz a Johnson man, and the two lhundred and thirteen applicants for the place all swore they wuz, until the apintment wuz made, when they held a convention and resolved that he wuz a traitor to his country and party. We pass to WEF OF ANDROO JOmN80N. CHAPTER IX. FUIIRTER DEVELOPMENTS UV HIS POLICY. Filled up with the idea uv formin a grand Johnson party, with hisself at the head, (he might succeed ef he cood be content with formin in his own person the head and tail uv the organzation,) he turned his attention southward and issued a proclamation, declarin the advent uv peace and the legal endin uv the war. It struck the poplar hart uv the South, and they all rejoist, sayin one to another, "Johnson is our Johnson. Ez peace is proclaimed the troops will be withdrawd and the bureau abolisht, and we shell wallop our niggers ez uv old." They held meetins and fired guns, and organized themselves into torchlight processions, believin, simple souls, that this one proclamation led given'em back all that they'hed lost through four years fightin. They sharpened their bowie knives and loaded their revolvers, calkilatin ez soon ez they saw the backs uv the bloo coats (a sight they hadn't enjoyed very often,) they'd make it lively for the northern men, and the skool teachers, and sich uv the niggers ez hed laid down the hoe and taken up the spellin book. tut, alas 1 to the disgust uv the writer hereof, they hedn't got their knives ground up and their revolvers decently loaded, before the subjick uv this sketch issued a conversation, in wich he stated that their habis corpusses wuzn't restored to'em, that the military wuzn't agoin to be withdrawd, and that the northern men and niggers shoodn't be slayd, and that, in short, the Southern Dimocrisy wllz just ez fur from that reasonable degree uv freedom to wich they are clearly entitled, after hevin laid down their arms, ez they ever wuz. In spite uv his conversation, they did persuade theirselves into wreakin their just vengeance onto the niggers uv Memphis, and various other pints, determined to demonstrate their sooperiority over the accursed race of Ham, wich they did. They made altars uv the skool-houses and churches uv the niggers uv Memphis, and threw thereon the nigger babies and old men and women, and ez they roasted a sweet savor went up wich the Dimocrisy snuffed with pleasure, and their harts wuz glad. To a Dimokratic nostril Nite-Bloomin Serious is no circumstance, ez a perfume, to a roastin nigger baby. CHAPTER X. THE CONCLOOSION UV THIS SKETCH SO FAR EZ IT KIN BE CARRIED UNTI THE SUBJIK D:ES OR DOES SUTHIN. The subjick uv this sketch is still livin and is still President uv the Yoonitid States and ez his successor ef he shood die 34 LrE OF AiNDPo JOHNSON. wood be an Ablishinist, it is probable that he will continue to live his turn out. After Harrison was Tyler, after Taylor, Fillmore, after Linkin, Johnson. After Johnson a out' and out Ablishinist, therefore Jonnson is safe. He hezut altogether anserd our expectations, but he wont be Booth'd. He is to us a sphynx —an inscrutable mystery. The Dimocrisy are supportin him and waitin and watchin. He appears gratified at their support, wich is a condescension ez surprisin to us ez it is to all intelligent foreigners who hev attended our mass meetins, and observed what manner uv men we are. Ve hev intimated delikitly and are still intimatin that soft words butter no parsnips,that the good uv the country demands a change in the post offices, and occasionally in a spasmodic manner he commences makin thac change, and dismisses a score or two. But to our surprise we dont get the places. He hists out a Abolitionist who opposes his policy, and hists in a Abolitionist who supports his policy, when he kin find one, and where he can't, he refuses to make a change at all, and consequently ninety-nine and ninetenths per cent. uv the offices is still in first hands. His ap LlFl OV AMBDR00 JOHNSON. 35 poiutees, damn Copperheads ez they call the writer hereof, and the L)amocracy who foller his lead, ez vigorously ez ever, and the subject uv this sketch doth rebuke em not, but on the contrary, the more they damn us the more he appints em. I spect next fall whln the elections come we shell hey -to support Johnson Abolishinists for office, and elect em to strengthen his hands, suthin we never did afore. Our best holt hez allez bin the strengthenin uv our own hands. CHAPTER XI. CONCLOODIN REFLEcIONS. What Androo Johnson may result in, time kin only show. The writer hereof hez his idea uv what he is, wich is: Nacher intended him for a Democrat, but circumstances hey somewhat spiled him. Hle wuz in a measure forced to leave the party when the war commenced, wich hurt him. He was throwdinto other associations and learned that there was suthin different from Democracy, which he aspired to. Hiere then is two opposin forces pullin at the unfortunate man-natural instinks and acquired tastes and its nip and tuck atween em-one crops out bout ez often ez other. IIis Moses biznes and his ablishinism is acquired; his 22d Febrooary speech wuz nateral, and it's the opinion uv the writer hereof that its his intentions and desires to organize a party made up uv ekal parts uv both, enough Dimocrisy to gratify h[is tastes and enough kAblishnism to make it respectable. Hlis imitashen uv JaJon wood be good ef he wuznt too short at both ends-his characterizashun uv the Tennessee stump politishun wood be capital ef he didnt spile it with a week dilatian uv Massachusetts-he wood, in short, be a good Dimocrat ef he'd let Ablishnism alone, and he mite possibly be a good Ablishinist ef he'd let Dimnocrisy alone, and not say much.'T'h writer hereof wunst attended a moral circus, wicb hed a blind lion ez a excuse for religious people attendin. One rider lied indulged in the flowin bole and in the madnis wich likker makes on an empty stumick —they hed hed poor houses for a month, and empty stumicks wuz becomin normal to em-this rider conseeted he cood ride two horses, each goin in a different direction, and he abslootely tied his feet to the saddles. The banld struck up, the horses started, and the insane equestrian was cent in twain, and the arena wuz drenched with his gore. The horses Ablishin and Dimocrisy are goin in d;fferent directions. Androo Johnson ties his righlt foot to one with his Nashville speeches, the left to the other with his vetoes. lIe stands wavin a small flag. Nexc fall the band will strike up, the horS:_ 36 LIFE OF ARNDOO JOIHNSON. will start, and ef the ligatures hold good, who kin doubt the result? TES END. POsT-SCIrPIT. —E these pages is goin to press I hev to announce that I take back all I sed about ablishnism at all in the subjick uv the foregoin sketch. He's gone back on em AND IS OURN I I HEV RECEIVED MY COMMISSION EZ POSTMASTER-the guillotine is workin by steem, and the appointees is all Democrats uv the genooine stamp. Backed up by them eminent patriots, Doolittle, Seward, Beecher and Cowan he's all rite. The writer hereof hez faith ez large as a Postmaster's commission. He's a greater nor Jaxan, purer than Washington. My pen is hentzforth A. Johnson's, the Patriot of Tennessee I tLIT o0 ANDROO JOHNSO. 87 ORATIONS OF JOHNSON, WHEN GOING TO THE DOUGLAS WAKE. [CONDENSED.] 1. He who now addresses you is a Humble Individual. 2. 1 have filled all the offices which the Ya ion has to be. stow, fcom A lJerman up to President of the United States. I leave the Constitution in your hands. 3. 1 am very much abused by a subsidized, corrupt and mendac ous ptees. 4. Pardon my alluding to mysel, but I beg leave to inform you that I commenced as an Alderman of one of the smnl to wns of this Notion; I went from that to Mayor, from that to the Legielature, from that to Senator of the State Legislature, from tbat to the Senate of the United States, from that to the Presidential chair. 5. I am no traitor; Mr. Seward is no traitor; nobody that supports My Policy is a traitor. 6. I have no wish to be egotistic, but I must say that I have occupied all the places from Alderman up to the position I now occupy —President of the United States. 7. The members of Congress who oppose My Policy are all traitors; everyboby who opposes My Policy is a traitor. I leave the Constitution in your thands. 8. It is not my habit to make mention of myself, but it is perhaps my duty to say that I have been an 4Adtrznan, a Mayor,'a State Senator, a Representative. a Senator of ihe United States Senate, and now I am President. Wha- more do I want? 9. The U,ion Party may go to the devil. 10 My ambition is satisfied. First [ was an Alderman, then a Mayor, then a member ot a State Senate, then a metmber,of the House of Representatives, then a member of the ULui:ed States aenate. and at tnis moment I am President ot the Un.ted S ates. 11. Seward is my friend and I am Seward's friAnd; Seward likes me asd I lke Seward; Se ward is a good feliowr and I am Bb LFWE OY ANDROO.JOESON. a good fellow; we like each other. We leave the Constitution in tVis to -zn. 32 I have s-rved my country in all capacities. I began life as an Aldeiman, was a Mayor du in- my infancy. was Stare Sel itor in my childhood, became a Repr. sentative in my esr:y youth, attained my majority as a Senator of the United States, and now, in the prime ot my manhood, am President. 13. Who wants niggers to vote? If the Nor:hern States want niggers to vote, wby don't they let them vote at home? Niggers sha'n't vote; I desire them to have the same chance as white men. 14. Perhaps you are not aware, fellow citizens, that I have been an Alderman, a Mayor, a State Senator, a Representative, a United States Senaior, and tinlly Presideht of the United Sta es. 15. The Congressmen who voted for the Freedmen's Boreau B:ll and the Civil Rights Bill are all tools. I'd like to ligbt the whole one hundred and e~ghty-two of them. I won't leave the Constitution with nary one of them. 16. It is a ma ter of his ory that after being an Alderman, a Mayor, a State S nator, a member of the EIouse of R-presentatives, a Uited Starts Senater, I became President. Lincoln was assassiaated and Seward butchered, and so I became President. 17. I hiive g-eat confidence in the Americ.an people, all except Members of C-ngress. Unionists and Niggera; tuey are al traitors, and I mean to fight them with tne help of General Grant 18. Nobody ever held so many offices as I have. I have filled all tie varioua posi ions in hlte, kuch as Alderman, Mavor, State Senator, Member of Ccngrees, United States Sen tor, and at legeth I was made President. 19. I repeat thfat Seward ii a goot rell)w; he stands by me and I stand by him; I am not afra:d of a aubsidized and uwercenary press; all lo~at p-ople may go t) the devil; the Bal imore piatlorm is my platlorm; DIuglas was a Jiiend ot tune; I am go ng to erecr a munutmen, over him; I am not upon an eleciioueeriug tolr; I haven't punished any Sou'hern traitrs, but I mean to make it up by puruisaing l1os of Noor!hern traitors; every man who don'c go. for me is a taitor. I am no tr4ator; I cal't ne a traitor, because I have beea an Alderwau. tWen a Mayo, toen a State Neua;cor, taen a Represeutaive, then a Meamber ot the United States Senate, antd then Pr-csi dot. 20. 1 leave the Constitution in yout hanis, where it is safer than in mlue, for havin-lg een an a lderman, eto,. HANJDBOOK 07 VENTRILOQUISM. Thi little work, thousa only recently published, has met with an extensive s:lt, and the testimony of readers and th3 pire's fally su;tains oar claim that it is the be-A treatise on tho subject that hasi been published. Ia all previous publication.; purporting to treat this subject. there has been really very little practical information given; and though perhap3 in some cases readable enough. the main object which the purchaser desired, injtruc'ioa in thie art, wa3 not attainel. The instructions in the present volume are very plain and minute, f eunded on common sense, and by their aid any one with pltienco and practise may become a ventriloquist, as the learner, after a few lessons, is ab'e to exercise this power in some measure. The course of study and practice i3 by no means disagreeable or tiresome. The book also gives instractions for making THE MAGIC WHISTLE, A litTle instrument easily made, at no cost, for imitating birds, animals, insects, and quite a number of other amusing imitations. Considerable practice is required to enable one to use the whistle satisfactorily. The entertainment to be derived from it, however, wil amply repay the labor. " It is really a valuable aid to those desirous of acquiring the art, and the instructions and explanations are so simple and explicit that there i3 no difficulty iallnderstanding them. It is prepared with much more care than we should expect in such a low-priced work, and makes a handy'pocket companion.' — Boston Wide World. " This little msnual contains simp!e and explicit instructions for acquiring the art of ventriloquism. Couched in language which a child can understand, the rules care so few and so easy that a little practice will enable any one to procure the most wonderful vocal illusio.2'-S-ew York J.Ila.,. " The author appears to have labored faithfully to explain the mysteries of the art, and t'o initiate the learner therein." -Yankee Blade. This, and all other works in our list, will be sent post paid on receipt of price. Price Fifteen Cents. THE ART OF AMUSING. A collection of graceful arts, merry games, otld tricKs, curious puzzles, and new charades; with suggestions for private theatricals, tableaux, all sorts of parlor and family amusements, etc. A volume intended to amuse everybody, and enable all to amuse everybody else; thus bringing about as near an approximation to the millennium as can be conveniently attained in the compass of one volume. BY FRANK BELLEW. Elegantly printed and beautifully bound, with nearly 150 illustrative pictures by the author, foltlb one of the most attractive volume3 in appearance that has ever been issued. But it is not a mere ornament for the library or center table, buf a treasury of amusement and recreation almost exhaustless in its stores. For a holiday or birthday gift for the young, we believe it will prove highly satisfactory, and being of lasting value and interest, it will always be prized. Consideiing the size of the book, and the beautiful manner in which it is gotten up, the price is very reasonable. Price, handsomely bound in cloth, bevelled edges, gilt back and side stamp, $2. Among the contents will be found chapters upon Parlor Arts and Ornamznts. Card Puzzles, H oaxes, Colored Mesmerism, Hints about Dwarfs, Tableaux Vivants and Plays, Oddities with Pen and Ink, Firewor:s for the House, Santa Claus at Home, Theatrical Storms and Lights, Games for Christmas, Theatrical Performances, Optical Illusions, Mar gicians of Morocco. How to make Elephants, Extamporaneous Plays. How to make Giants, Acting Charade.s. It is one of the most perfect bolks of its kind ever published; made up of no dry, stupid rules that everybody knows, but fresh, sensible, good-humored, entertaining, and readable. Every person of taste should possess it, and cannot be otherwise than delighted with it. N.B.-Only one word, one private word in the ears of the children-Don't let your parents rest till they have bought for you The s.rI of J.mus;nig. Pester their lives out! -worry them to death!-drive them to distraclion! —wake them tip in the middle of the night with the cry for water, and then prefer your demand!-get the measles and threaten to die i -swallowlhrge red cents and refuse to take emetaics! -in fict, res;ort to every expedient you can think of, till thev have agreed to your modest and rational request. Sent post-paid on receipt of price, TWO DOLLARS. 80METHINC ENTIRELY NEWS HANEY'S JOURNAL OF ROMANCE, 8ERIS OF ORIGINAL AD INTIXEITFLY INTERESTLNG STORIS BY Az IW WRITERS. fae.initial issue ox tnis new entorprise will be entitled CARMIE, THE CREOLE SPY, CARmu is a story of surpasslng interest, ani for originality of conception, lngea lity of plot, truthful delineation of tile roany a.nd diverse icharacters introduced, it will rank among the best productions of the present day. Tb3 scenes of the tale are aid in Kentucky at the time that State was under the dominion of the lawless misons of the great Rebelliao, and advantage has been taken by the author of the;tirriug scenes of taose ldays of terror to weave a story thoroulgh!y fascinating to:very lover of daring adventure. The various specimens of humanity for which (Old Kentuck " is famous, are presented to the reader with a fidelity to nature vhich gives them all the reality of life. The manif(ld adventures which bafall the rarious personages are told in a glowinlg and yet not exaggerated style. The plots if traitors and the counter-plots of the Unionists, and the attempts of each party o evade the traps o' the other, keep alive the keenest interest. The fierce encounters with beasts ond men will gratify every lover of fearless daring and he.'oie endurance. But lar surpassing the interest felt in all minor subjects, will be,he glowing admiration, and almost personal interest the reader will irresistibly eel-ia the heroine of the story, the beautiful Carmie, the fearless and ingenious.'py, the glorious self-sacrificing, undatnted champion of truth and right. No one can read the thrilling, novel and dangeroeIs adventures of Carmie, the Creole Spy, vithout being thorougliy fascilnated therewith. REMEXIBER I CARmIte, TnE CREOLs SPY, will be issued in attractive form, willbe potten up in the best style of typography, and will be illustrated with numerous Ine engravings, drawn expressly for the work by FRa.sg BwaaR. It will contaiS in amount of matter (by actual measurement) equal t othe ordinary 26 cent novels Lttactive in style, and will be emphatically one of the best as well as the cheap st literary treat that can be procured., No expense will be spared;n making HANEY'SJOURNAL OFROMANCE ome if the most attractive and entertaining publications to be had at any price. We Ihall furnish it at a price which will place it within the reach of every one, trust. ng that its intrinsic merits will gain for it a circulation amply remunerative I;he aggregate, though the profit on each copy is insigniicant. CARIVSiE, THE CREOLE SPY. ill be ready on the 15th. Itwill be for sale byall newsdealesa hroughout the United States and British Provinces. If there is a Newsage, itllin reasonable distance, we prefer you should get the work of him.,T The trade will please forward their orders as early as coavenlis, Ai ]bers will supply it promptly. Retail Price Only Ten Cenist te AMERICAN NEWS COAMPAY, General Agets, Wew YOrk J. C. HANEY & CO'S PUBLICATIONS GOOD BOOKS FOR EVERYBODY. Our list eo publications embraces only works that will give satihction to thM purchaser. We have aimed to issue good and popular Books rather than to swel Our list with those of an inferior quality. Whenever, notwithstanding the greates F e, one of our publications fails to prove popular and satisfactory we quietly le i die out. The following list embraces a number of our best Book' which ari "lling rapidly, and we believe are giving entire satisfaction. ROGUES ANTD 11OGUERIES OF NEW YORK.-A work-showr iwg up all the tricks and traps of great cities fully dxposing the operations o sharpers and rascals of every kind; also exposing all the swindles and humbugs carried on through the mail, or by perambulating and travelling operators. Thir is the only work of the kind issued. All the new dodges are exposed. Illustrated. Price 25 cents. THE NIGHT SIDE OF NEW YORK. —Th;s book showi nr the various scenes and peculiarities of the Great Metropolis at night. It is the work of a number of writers whose ability is unquestioned. No one man couln write such a book alone; and the present writers, by combining their knowledgt and abilities, have produced vivi: and interesting pictures of New York. Everg scene described and every statement made in the work is s'ric'l! t uwthful in ever3 particular, and we believe no work of fiction is more deeply and thrillingly inter esting. Illustrated. Price 25 cents. SECRETS WORTH KNOWING.-A Collection of Valuable Receipts on various subjects, very few of which are to be had elsewhere. Receipts for all kinds of patent medicines, perfumery, toilet articles, soaps, wines. cordials, delicious beverages, candies of all kinds, and innumerable articles in universal demand. It is an excellent work for druggists, storekeepers and others. who desire to manufacture popular and saleable articles which give an ertremely liberal profit. Everyone will find it useful for reference. Price 25 cents. CARMIE, THE CREOLE SPY.-One of the best stories of wbrilling and fascinating adventure ever issued. It is no cheap, trashy, or catch. penny aftfir, but the production of a tirst-class author. It contains as much matter by actual measurement as an ordinary twenty-five cent novel. Illustrated witt numerous engravinDgs. Price 1) cents. CotMIC LIFE AND ADVENTURES OF JEFF. DAvIS.-A littie book which has had an immense sale. By McAsoxm Contains some fort] Illustratious-some full page. Price 10 cents. THE MAGIC WEB. Nos. 1, 2 ard 3 —The latest London Sensation. Each a complete puzzle, with full instructionsand solution. Acuriouw novelty and very amusing. Price IJ cents each. COMICALITIES: By ORPHEUS C. KERR, and other Funny Fellows.-This is one of the funniest, Jolliest books that has ever appeared. 11 contains, in addition to Orpheus C. Kerr's capital letters on RIEcoYXFTnUcr-oN numerous other comical matters by the greatest of American humorists. It Ii illustrated with some 150 side-splitting engravings. Price 25 cents. A- A number of other works, all of a popular and valuable. bharacter, are nov In preparation, and will be duly announced. Copies of any of the above, sena free of postage on the receipt of the price, or they may be had of any Bookseller or Newsdealer. J C. HA&NEY & CO., Publishers, OWce of Merryman's Monthly and the Com;c Monthly, No. 109 Nassau street, New YorMl HORSE TRAINING MADE EASY! A New and I'ractical System of TEACHING AND EPUCATING TUE HORSE. Witb numerous illustrations, cloth.. Price $1 25. The author, who has maleo the Ilorso his lifelong study, and whose wnnderful ewer over him is shown in the readiness with wniicb he makes a wiiling subject. f the most intractabla. has at last consented to make his system public. It is so imnlf, and withal harmonizes so thoroughly with the nature of thils noble and scful animal, tnat a by fi;teon or sixteen years of age may handle an. break ho wildest one to harness in a very short time. It tells you how to break a kicking horse; how to break a baulky horse; how a break a halter puller; how to break pulling on the bit; how to break a horse frail of a buffalo; how to teach a horse tricks; how to drive by the whip withut bri le. hit or reins; how ta make him trot honest; how to shoo a horse; ho* o make him stand for shoeing; how to make him stand to be curried; how to aake him back well; how to make him stand: while getting into a carriage; how ohalter a colt alone: how to makte a colt follow you; how to bit colts without itting harness: how to teach a horso to make a bow; how to t, -ch him to kiss,ou ~ how to teach him to shake hands; how to teach him to waltz. etc., etc..and ells you many other interesting an: valuable things for horse owners and dealers o know. Every farmer and every one owning a horse. as weoll,as all interested a the subject, should procure this book. We will send copies, post-paid, to any Lddress, on receipt of price, $1 25. 46' ALL ORDRRS,nOULD S3 ADDRESSID TO VS. The Lios Ball Player's Book of Reference. This wori o bppies a want which ever] base bal player has experienced. It;ives all needed information on all subjects connectedl wita the game. It is differ-:nt from eve y other work on the subject, and contains much important matter =ot elsewhere to be found. The instructions for Umpires and Scorers will be found raluable, and every player ambitious of a thorough understanding of this de. ightful and popular game will find this little volume highly serviceable. It should tlways be on hand to consult whenever doubts or difficulties arise. 25 cents. Handbook of Ventriloquism. A plain, practical little work, clearly explaining the mystery of Ventriloquism, and giving explicit and thorough directions, by which any one can acqiure the art. It also tells how to make the Magic Whistle, tor imitating Birds, Animals Insects and numerous peculiar noises. This is no "catchpenny," as are most of the works purporting to treat this subject. Price 15 cents. " It is really a valuabio ai:l to those desirous of acquiring the art, and the inBtructions and explanations are so simple and explicit that there is no difficulty in understanding the a1."-Bston IVide Weorld. "' The author appears to have labored faithfully to explail the mysteries of the art. ard to initiat" the learner therein."-Yankce'o/I. HANEVY' JOURNAL OFP KO1MANCE, the ArM,umber of which proved so highly satisfactory to the reading public. Each number of the JOUMN.AL oF RoxasCa forms a complete story of the very highest literary merit, and equal in quantity, by actual measurement, to any ordinary twenty-five cent novel. The next issue: which will be entitled D Rt I F T W O O D, Is by the author of CARMiE, TaE CRaOLs SPy, and will prove one of the most fascieating aid interesting stories that has over appeared. It is ftoimde.l on incidents connected with the famous" Re:t River Expe:lition." and is full of excitiDg advonturo and thrilling incidents. We claim DRIPTwooD to be equal to any story of the war twht has bee, published, even at the very'highelet price, and iunfinitely superior to the cheap trash with which the market is floeded. The largo sale the first number of the series met with shows that readers appreciate this excellence. Each issue will be illustrated.! /lANEY'S JOuRNAL OF ROJIACC can be had of all newsdealers. The price is ten cents at copy, except when extra freight obliges the dealer to charge a somewhat higher price. We prefer persons should get st of the dealers, if convenient. We will send copies of any issue of the series, post-paid, on receipt of ten cents each. Tbesa stories are always in print. and can be had at any time. Dealers wqil please order from the agent of whom they get their usual supplies. Copies of sny of our publications sent, post-paid, on receipt of retail price. Ali orders 4aL be accompanied by the cash. C. HANEY & CO., No. 199 Nassaa street, New York. SAL&TEHIr LrvENs, writing from Harveysburg, Warren count Ohio, says, in a letter to the publishers: " I have just received' Rogueries of New York,' and find the wo: quite interesting, and consider it very cheap at the price, and I b lieve it will be the means of saving to the public thousands of dc lars annually from the grasp of those infernal scoundrels of vol city. I have had some experience with them, and it is gratifying me to see them thus exposed." I, N -!I A GAY TIME AT GAIETIES. "The Rogues and Rogueries of New York." is the title of a use ful, as well as entertaining, volume, recently published. It is use ful, not only for the city gentleman, but more especially for gentle men from the rural districts who visit, occasionally, the metropolis to see the elephant, etc., etc. New York and other cities are full o traps for the " green'uns," and it is much better to know all abou them than to incur the liability of buying the knowledge by expe rience at a high figure. We therefore commend this work to the anitiated — Yankee Blade ROGUES AND ROGUERIES. A new, revised, and enlarged edition of this work has just been issued, including, in addi',ion to its former ex.. posures of fraud and rascality, full descriptions of all the new humbugs and swindles, so that the work nowincludes all the principal" dodges" by which the thoughtless or unwary are victimised. "I Rogues and Rogueries" has been the means of putting thousands upon their guard against the sharpers who so skillfully set their snares. and who so persistently prey upon the publi. Fraud often lurks under the most innocent guise, and even the wisest and most cautions persons cannot always be certain that they will not be defrauded. Read this book before you send your money to any unknown person. Read it before you embark in any scheme. however plausible it may apear. There will be no harm don%, and you may, thereby, learn something of which you were not aware, and bo saved the mortification and loss you might otherwise incur. All the tricks and traps of great cities, o 11 swindles through the mails, jewelry and gift schemes, petroleum and mining swindles, quack doctors, lotteries and " policy" schemes, fortune-tellers, gamblers' tricks, patent safe dodge, matrimonial advertisements, pocket-book dropping, thimblerigging, concert saloons, love powders and dangerous cosmetics, situation agencies, sewing machine swindles, traveling swindlers, confidence operators, professional beggars, cbobi$uerfeiters, and many other classes of sharpers too numer6os to mention. The book is both interesting and valuabe' in a rare degree. " Its pIrusi will be attended not only with pleasure, but with profit"-'Jirsey City 4merican Standard 4 "A valuable aiddentertaining work on the tricks, traps, dangers, and temptatansof the great metropolis. *' To the uninitiated in mysteries of life in a large city, the "Rogues and Rogueries" will prove of unfailing interest.".Watchman, Monticello, N. Y. "New York and other cities are full of traps for the " green'uns," and it is much better to know all about them than to incur the liability of buying the knowledge by experience at a high figure. We therefore commend this book to the uninitiated.-Yankee. Blade. llustrated. Price, only Twenty-five Cents. COME RALLY FOR THE PRIZES, BOYSI Greenbacks or other valuablo prizes, given every month in XMazRzxa'1 Pozl Departmeat. Many iunadreds of dollars in casih alon have been distibutd in thi way. Competition open to all. Iard Fuzzlos for " Old hands," and easy onesf. Dew begigners. The" young folks" are not forgotten. h(Ariswer/2, _. _fmMI I's sold by Ml.i. edea r ifthey do not keep it they wll cheer. flly get it for you. Tho pi. e -It ets a copy. We masi it reglarly for thirty.Jfi cents for three month.: sizty.'Jive cents for six months: or one doUlar twenty-fivecents a, y Ar. -..' sptaid, on recoipt of price, rn, tfree. Post. ac to".i.r au.'- payabl three months or more in adv"ace,'postsau ice~ 5te t*xka.0. LA 1 & CO., 109 Nasau St., New York.