996,272 PROPERTY OP TH i i.. ArTS IA A R TES SCIENTIA V"Rt I I 1I i Ii i i m i i i I I i I I I I Cobib's A merica Guyed Books NEW YORK BY IRVIN S. COBB FICTION SNAKE DOCTOR J. POINDEXTER, COLORED SUNDRY ACCOUNTS FROM PLACE TO PLACE THOSE TIMES AND THESE LOCAL COLOR OLD JUDGE PRIEST BACK HOME THE ESCAPE OF MR. TRIMM FIBBLE D.D. WIT AND HUMOR Cobb's America Guyed Books MAINE NORTH CAROLINA NEW YORK INDIANA KENTUCKY KANSAS A LAUGH A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY A PLEA FOR OLD CAP COLLIER ONE THIRD OFF THE ABANDONED FARMERS THE LIFE OF THE PARTY EATING IN TWO OR THREE LANGUAGES "OH WELL, YOU KNOW HOW WOMEN ARE!" "SPEAKING OF OPERATIONS-" EUROPE REVISED ROUGHING IT DE LUXE COBB'S BILL OF FARE COBB'S ANATOMY MISCELLANY STICKFULS THE THUNDERS OF SILENCE THE GLORY OF THE COMING PATHS OF GLORY "SPEAKING OF PRUSSIANS — NEW YORK: GEORGE H. DORAN COMPANY C. h. - (I I.~~ TO ENROLL AS A YOUNGER INTELLECTUAL YOUR FAVORITE AUTHOR AND ARTIST MUST BE A FOREIGNER-PREFERABLY AN UNKNOWN. NEW YORK BY IRVIN S. COBB With Illusfraiions by JOHN T. McCUTCHEON NEW W YORK GEORGE H. DORAN COMPANY COPYRIGHT, 1924, Bly GEORGE H. DORAN COMPANY 0 COPYRIGHT, 1923, BY INTERNATIONAL MAGAZINE COMPANY NEW YORK -CPRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA ILLUSTRATIONS To enroll as a Younger Intellectual your favorite author and artist must be a foreignerpreferably an Unknown..... Frontispiece PAOG We meant to keep goldfish in the swimming pool at our country place. What we did keep in it was plumbers............ 13 On windy days the young men-about-town used to gather around the Flatiron Building, and were, as the saying goes, all eyes... 19 Hurrying restless New York is the only densely inhabited locality-this side of Hell-that has not a trace of civic pride...... 31 Map of the United States as it looks to a New Yorker........... 39 The wilderness of New York State has been beaten back. The combined forces of the joyrider and the week-ender from Manhattan have been too much for it...... 45 The Famous Sky-line.......... 54-55 vii NEW YORK I NEW PORK I TAHERE are several ways to begin this instalment of our little guide-book to the States of the Union. For instance, I might begin by saying that New York State originally was inhabited by the Six Nations but now, since all the others have moved in, you wouldn't know the old place any more. Or, speaking with direct reference to her metropolis, I could point out that the early Christians were martyred in Rome and the modern ones are having the same thing done to them in New York. This, at the outset, would give us a sort of comparative historical background. I I Cobb's America Guyed Books Then again, if I cared to imbue the introductory paragraphs with a personal feeling, I should go into details to explain why, after spending several years and practically all the available funds in an effort to turn an abandoned hillside into a country-place, I have now brought the family back to a snug form-fitting apartment on Park Avenue. In this connection I made an important discovery. I do not know how the thing goes in other parts of the country, but as regards the districts contiguous to New York City I would say the trouble with trying to be a gentleman farmer is that you quit being a gentleman and you never become a farmer. You do not enrich yourself or the land. You merely enrich your vocabulary on the profanity side. When I glance back on some of our experiences I use language which formerly even when I was alone I I2 If~ I I.==m ) a. I,/*rwoo - WE MEANT TO KEEP GOLDFISH IN THE SWIMMING POOL AT OUR COUNTRY PLACE. WHAT WE DID KEEP IN IT WAS PLUMBERS. 13.. _ I CI~_ New York did not permit myself to think of. Take the matter of the drainage of our sunken garden now. I had to coin a word expressly to denote my feelings for that sunken garden. It is a word that has fourteen rattles and a button. Or take the swimming pool. We meant to keep ornamental goldfish in it. What we did keep in it, all one summer, was plumbers. We could go out any fine morning after eight o'clock and enjoy the sight of a brace of plumbers-one full-grown specimen and one fingerling-showing their rich iridescent colors as they circled around and around our swimming pool looking for tools. I figured afterwards that we paid the younger plumber about ninety dollars to look for a tool which couldn't have cost more than a dollar and a half to begin with. By helping him hunt we could have saved considerable money. But we weren't perI5 Cobb's America Guyed Books mitted. It would have been against the union rules. And in the plumbers' union the rules are most rigid. Alongside of them the laws of the Medes and Persians would be as limber as a strip of fresh tripe. - - - ---- -- M-_, ___ ___~_ __ _~_~~~_~_ II BUT I digress. I always do when I get to thinking about our countryside development work. Sometimes when I am so engaged you can stand two hundred yards away and hear me digressing. Still holding to the personal, I might hark back to the time nearly nineteen years ago when I landed in New York with intent to improve daily journalism there by the addition of some of the more characteristic Paducah touches. I could point to conditions as they existed then and to the remarkable changes that have occurred since. In 1904 the two names most conspicuous on the billboards were those of the Parker boys-Alton B. and Painless. The former was running against Col. Roosevelt, or anyhow we Democrats thought so until the returns began to come I7 Cobb's America Guyed Books in; and on both sides of East River the latter was advertising himself as the builder of the original Brooklyn bridge. At nearly every uptown corner then there was to be found the customary life-saving station with swinging doors to it and inside a gallant coast guard in a white jacket and a white apron, on duty to ascertain what it was going to be, gents? I often think now that a man who had started in to save up brewery chromos in those times would by now have something that'll be worth a lot of money to antique collectors one of these days. William Travers Jerome was the district attorney then, and Harry Thaw hadn't got around to killing Stanford White yet. The Flatiron Building was a world's wonder and no set of souvenir post-cards for the folks back home was complete without two views of it, one full-face and one profile; i8, I, I -- -- ------------ ti 1 1 fI1) d qLJ dtt,-' ol't I Vil~l 00 00 fj a 6a a j t-FiL l R fl r n rg a ON WINDy DAYS T ~OUNG MEN-ABOU.TWN USED T GATEW AROUND TAHE L FL&L iN BUILDING AND WERE, AS TIE SAYIN( GOES, ALL EYES. 19 4: New York and on windy days young men-about-town gathered in the neighborhood and were, as the saying goes, all eyes. For except in the musical comedies and on the burlesque stage the female leg had not been discovered, and attracted comment when accidentally revealed. It makes one feel middle-aged to think there was, in one's own recollection, such an old-fashioned period. Broadway hadn't begun to die standing up; and the Polo Grounds still was the Farthest Point North unless you were a hardy adventurer and took dog-sledges on across into the trackless wilds of the upper Bronx. Automobiles were comparatively new; all except the one which I purchased on the instalment plan in the following year. Afterwards I refused two hundred dollars for that car from an antiquarian. It had more than two hundred dollars' worth of things the matter with it. 21 Cobh's 4merica Guyed Books About the time of my arrival the Union League Club took a revolutionary step by electing a man who was only seventy-six years old to the Board of Governors. Then, as now, it had among its walking cases or out-patients a few members of no greater age than that and some who were a trifle younger; but this was the first governor who couldn't remember when the boys came marching home from Mexico. The airplane hadn't come in yet, but everybody was tremendously interested in the dirigible balloon and the submarine. There were mechanical defects about both which served to keep them in the public eye and the public prints. Either a balloon went up and never came down or else it would be a submarine that went down and never came up. There was no such thing as a traffic-block barring the times when old Pete Dailey strolled down the street, three 22 New rork abreast, on his way to Weber and Field's. Outside of musical acts in vaudeville the jazz-note had no following. Yet where would our civilization be today without our jazz? Even the ukulele was practically unknown, and young people in dancing together still danced from and not to, as at present. In theatricals the town clung to many of the earlier traditions. Plays in which the cast spoke a language that the audience could understand were being offered. There wasn't a Russian actor around the place, or if there was one he wasn't working at his trade. From time to time Mantell revived Shakespeare, or at least partially; and right on Broadway for a period of weeks Eliza each night crossed on the ice pursued, as I recall, by Jake and Lee. Or maybe it was by Klaw & Erlanger. I won't be sure, after this lapse of time. 23 I I III A L WOODS was just coming up out of the East Side, with a bedroom set, to mount his first passion play. In dramatics what was risque likewise was risky-the police would get you if you didn't watch out. There was not so much talk of censorship for the stage and not so much of sensualship either. Moving pictures were in the swaddling clothes of babyhood. Not until years later did they leap out of their first childhood into their second, becoming almost over night, an industry which for scope and importance and the number of hands employed is outranked only by bootlegging, our single greatest business at the present time. Ah, those were the days! Or were they? Anyhow, all has altered since then, or nearly all. Of the standard fixtures and the cus25 Cobb's America Guyed Books tomary institutions that existed then, of the familiar names that shimmered in the electric signs back in 1904, but few remain. It was with a distinct shock of pleasure just the other day that I ran into Smith Brothers. I hadn't seen them on a billboard for years; their pictures brought back a flood of happy memories. I was glad to see how little, if any, the passing years had aged this estimable pair. Indeed, they hadn't changed a bit-looked just exactly as they used to. And they hadn't shaved, either, and I was glad of that, too. Mr. Trade Smith, the one on the left, still had the Doric whiskers which so endeared him to Americans of a former generation, while Mr. Mark Smith, his brother, wore his, as of yore, done up in the classic Etruscan or scroll design. Long may they wave, said I to myself. 26 -- IV THEY claim this is a livelier age and a more hectic. But I don't know. Sometimes I get to thinking that maybe it's the sort of stuff they're slipping in these days that seems to give our New York that dizzy aspect as of a thing which spins constantly on its axis; maybe it's the hooch that makes the world go 'round-and 'round and 'round! As I said awhile ago, if I were addicted to harking back I might go on indefinitely, contrasting the New York of two decades ago with the New York that we know now. But what's the use of digging up sad and harrowing recollections of those ancient times before the Volstead Act began making America safe for hypocrisy; when for seventy-five cents you really could get a 27 Cobb's America Guyed Books table d'hfte dinner that was more or less edible, with wine that substantially was drinkable; and when the business man's lunch with cold cuts and pickled beets and everything, was to be found somewhere on every block. After all, the main purpose of this series of surveys of various of the states is to deal with them rather in their present aspects. New York, though, has so many present aspects that it's hard guessing where to start. Besides that, her present aspects are forever slipping into the past tense with the utmost rapidity. Today's aspects differ from yesterday's, and tomorrow's, the chances are, will be exceedingly unlike today's. Every week or two a new litter of ideas comes forth, a fresh yield of sensations and novelties is spawned. There's a strong strain of the Belgian hare in this big town. Of course I could deal in generalizations 28 New rark broad enough to cover the whole thing. Summing up, I might state that the New York crowd is the best-natured crowd of any on earth and has the worst manners. But specialists in mass-psychology discovered that fact some time ago. It is the most restless population the world ever has known. The unfailing sign by which you may know a typical New Yorker-when all the other signs have failed-is that he either has just moved into a new neighborhood or just is getting ready to move out of the old one. So far as I know, General U. S. Grant is the only permanent resident of the Upper West Side. Finally, there is this to be said for New York City: it is the one densely inhabited locality-with the possible exception of Hell -that has absolutely not a trace of local pride. Hell has a right to be vain over some of its prominent citizens-and probably is29 Cobb's America Guyed Books but in New York the achievements of home talent, the outstanding performances of somebody or some specialized group of somebodies, mean nothing whatsoever to the community as a whole. Slander Chicago in the presence of a Chicagoan and you'll have a fight on your hands. Scandalize New York before an audience of New Yorkers and either they'll ignore you or agree with you. Indeed, on Manhattan Island the thing works the other way around. A proper example of this distinguishment is found in the common attitude of the coterie known as the Younger Intellectuals. Once I considered the advisability of trying to break into the ranks of the Younger Intellectuals, figuring it might give me prestige to live among the elect. But I couldn't make the grade. In the first place, I wasn't old enough-the average age of a Younger In30 .. I I Ii x - ai vs8 ~~ HURRYING RESBT8B NEW YORK IS THE ONLY DENSELY INHABITD WOCALITY —THIS SIDE OF HEL —THAT HAS NOT A TRACE OF CIVIC PRIDE. 3I I I New rork tellectual being, I should say, about fiftyfive-and in the second place, I labored under the fatal disability of liking so much of the stuff that is written by Americans and so many of the folks who are writing it. You cannot enroll with the Younger Intellectuals if you look with an eye of favor upon the domestic literary output. You cannot expect to be even so much as an image-bearer in their lodge; you already are blackballed before you apply. If a book or a poem or a play is popular it cannot be art because true art always is over the head of the mob-that is the first verse in their litany -and anyhow, if it was done by one of the mere successful among the native-born, it just naturally has to be bad. The true Younger Intellectuals always are suffering from hardening of the artistries. Their favorite author is one-a foreigner for choice-who writes stuff which no 33 Cobb's America Guyed Books ordinary person can understand. If the said author, in addition to being a foreigner, is one who comparatively is unknown and who generally is unappreciated, so much the better. Their chosen prophet is one of the English novelists who has come over-and they all do come over sooner or later-to lecture to us on the subject of our national shortcomings. The original Pan-America League was composed, you know, of British men of letters; Charles Dickens was its first president. But the Younger Intellectuals are doing very well as a branch organization of the parent body in London, considering that, for the most part, they themselves labor under the distressing handicap of having been born in this vulgar and altogether inferior land. Their class song is: "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow BUT —!" 34 V G LANCING back over what I have written I note that I, who should know better, inasmuch as I have had the advantage of being right here on the ground for a good long while, am falling into the same error, as regards New York State, which so many landlocked Americans entertain: When they think they are thinking of New York State what they really think of is this greedy, spraddling monster, this noisy Thunder Lizard of a town. They forget the great commonwealth, honestly American in its aims and aspirations and instincts, which stretches northward and westward from where the panting dinosaurian sprawls over the Manhattan schist. When they fall under the spell of the city a strange hypnotism makes them confuse the one with the other; 35 - Cobb's America Guyed Books which is wrong, for in its temperamental essentials New York City is not in the least degree what New York State is. There's the city, a foreign domain, really, peopled by an alien and an alienated swarm whose world ends where the subway does and whose westward-looking horizon is bounded by the Jersey Heights. For every great hotel, every theater, every apartment building which bears an American name-either one of our beautiful sonorous Indian names or else a name given it to perpetuate the memory of a great citizen or a great eventthere are ten more wearing meaningless and utterly inappropriate titles borrowed from European or Asiatic sources. 36 _ ~ ~I -Ir VI TOR every city-dweller-and this includes those who moved in last month or last year from the interior-interested in the policies and the polities of the country at large, there is at least one other who is more deeply concerned over Lady Astor's latest speech or what George Bernard Shaw is saying today in refutation of what he said yesterday, or the cut of the Prince of Wales's new riding panties or some other paramount overseas issue. Not that it isn't a good thing and a broadening to keep track of things abroad. But Mr. Manhattanite so often denies his attention to what goes on at home as being of no consequence in the cosmic scheme when compared with Old 37. Cobb's America Guyed Books World affairs or with affairs peculiar and local to his own five boroughs. Here a curious paradox obtrudes: Having no civic pride, in the sense that men in other populous communities have it, nor yet any enthusiasm for the achievements of his individual fellow-townsmen, he nevertheless holds to the belief that anything worth while must originate, must develop, must come to pass in New York or Great Britain or Italy or Germany or Russia; otherwise it might as well not have happened at all, for it doesn't count. It was a perfect type of the Broadwayite who first said: "When you leave New York, boys, you're camping out!" There's New York City for you. Now, New York proper, the State that's up-state, is a very different matter. That is to say, it is different once you have journeyed into it beyond the metropolitan influence. This means, though, quite a bit of 38 MAP OF THE tTNITTD STATES AS IT LOOKS TO A NEW YORK. 39 I New York travel back from the tide-marks. If the city is a great glittering pinchbeck stud set in the shirtfront of the state, then it equally is true that the verdigris, spreading from the shanks of that most bogus jewel, has stained the bosom for many miles in all directions with its own brassy hues. Those separate smaller municipalities which lie within the umbra of Manhattan, forming her inner environs and her outer ones, are in spirit imitators of the greater thing. They may wear the suburban look but they long ago borrowed the city manner and in the transition lost the personalities they might have had. They have the same false measures in money values and social values which characterize their huge overshadowing neighbor; her political vices and her extravagances they have copied on a smaller scale; and, in numerous instances, 4I CobV'J America Guyed Books have achieved a reproduction of her trick of jumbling together a swollen arrogant wealth with a lean and haggard povertythe cheeks of the palace rubbing up against the jowl of the tenement-house. VI! FAR on past the commuting zone the big town has flung the aura of her personality. The Catskill country once must have been a perfection of wilderness. Now, in the vacation season these mountains are as populous as the outskirts of Yonkers. Touring the main Catskill highways any time between July Fourth and Labor Day it is a reasonably safe bet that every other person you'll see either is a summer boarder or a summer boardee. I have been told by naturalists that in the Catskills the surviving wild life has been affected by the prevalent contagion of the human example. They say the woodchucks have learned to sit up on their hind legs and pose for a snapshot and the birds think of themselves as boids and many of the squirrels chatter now with a 43 Cobb's America Guyed Books Yiddish accent. These statements may be slight exaggerations. But I know it for a fact that the woodpecker digs two holesand rears his family at one hole and takes in summer boarders at the other. Re-cross the Hudson and fare farther on up-state until you have come to Saratoga and, in the racing time, it presents itself to you as a miniature of the City-with cleaner air to breathe perhaps, but the same moral atmosphere that the town has. People no longer flock to Saratoga to drink the waters of her famous springs. The waters still flow but in the season there is an abundance of something stronger to be drunk. In and around Saratoga is where a good share of New York's more drastic legislation has been whelped. They may design the sumptuary laws there but they enforce them on others for only eleven months of the year. The twelfth month is the open season 44 , s-, I... i I~i - THE WILDERNESS OF NEW YORK STATE HAS BEEN BEATEN BACK. THE COMBINED FORCES OF THE JOYRIDER AND THE WEEK-ENDER FROM MANHATTAN HAVE BEEN TOO MUCH FOR IT. 45 I New rork on certain of the statutes; almost anybody enjoying the proper protection can gun for 'em then. While the horses run, I dare say that, for its size, Saratoga is the most wide-open spot -or widely-open spot, if we want to be fussy about the grammar of it-on this hemisphere. By night, open gambling is carried on at open gambling houses; there is open book-making at the track every afternoon, and for twenty-four hours a day practically, open purveying of wines, ales and hard liquors goes on-these things, as you may recall, being all, by the letter of the criminal code, prohibited. But the godly burghers who live off the sporting element and directly or indirectly fatten upon the spoils, sit on their porches in the starlit August evening and by imitating the admirable Chinese gods that hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil, manage to keep the civic 47 Cobb's America Guyed Books conscience clean. They obey the laws themselves; they derive profit by letting strangers disobey them, so the ledger stands balanced. Mind you, I am not quarreling with the thrifty Saratogians for their peculiar ethical standards-the campaign to legislate human nature out of human beings has not been altogether a success elsewhere. I merely am trying to show how far inland the metropolitan contagion has spread. Even the more remote Adirondacks have been invaded. You must quit the beaten paths and find the trails to the forest reserves or the private hunting reserves or the more secluded heights to escape the metropolitan taint. On a Sunday, the main-traveled roads roar to automobile traffic; all along the chief routes of the tourist you might think, were it not for the mountains which rear their heads so high above this ignoble clamor at their feet, that you were in New Rochelle or 48 New York Mount Vernon or the back side of Brooklyn. The wilderness has been beaten back; the combined forces of the joyrider, the service station, the resort hotel, the health sanitarium and the week-ender have been too much for it. In the deep timber there yet are deer in plenty and porcupines and a semi-occasional bear, but along the popular tracks probably the wildest-looking thing you'll see will be a fur-bearing East Sider taking his vacation. And unless a hay-fever victim should jump out from behind a tree and try to sneeze you to death, you are safe from all the perils of the wild. 49 ~I VIII FOR the defense it should be stated, though, that not even New York City can spoil New York State. Remember this -were the city cut off from her she still would be one of the most populous states of the Union and still a leader in the variety and quantity of her manufactured products, her agricultural products, her natural resources-yes, and her natural beauties, too. We are accustomed to think of California and Colorado and Arizona and Washington as offering the widest range of scenic wonders but I contend there is no state which presents a finer diversity or a more generous array of real beauty spots than New York. At her dooryard the Atlantic Ocean, at her back gates the Great Lakes; Niagara Falls up yonder at that corner, and New York 5' Cobb's America Guyed Books Harbor down here at this; the St. Lawrence with its Thousand Islands on that side of her, the Hudson with its Palisades at another; in the interior the glories of the Mohawk Valley and the scarcely less exquisite Genessee; a breast that is gemmed with incomparable lakes and having Champlain and George as the chief jewels of the cluster; the Laurentians throwing their coils down from above the northern boundaries to make her chief range of mountains, the Appalachians thrusting their tips up to form the clumped Catskills-what state of equal size or anywhere near equal size can show more? And what state, regardless of its size, has beauties which are so accessible? I can think of none and I have crossed and recrossed every part of this Union on the quest of the picturesque. I have in mind a certain place. It is on Long Island, that natural playground which 52 - I -. * 00 0 ~~ * ~ 0 06.0e 0. THE FAMOUS SKY-LINE. 54 New fork a generous Creator provided to lie at the doors of our biggest town. As the crow might fly, it is less than forty miles from Forty-second Street and Broadway, and by turnpike is not more than a two-hours' motor run. To reach it you pass among the homes and the workshops of sundry hiving millions but once there you might be in the heart of the Maine woods or the Canadian. It is just as the red Montauks left it-unshorn, undevastated, undefiled. This is what saved it: It is girdled about by a gravelly sandy belt of scrub-land that is fitted neither for golf links nor for realestate developments. It offers no settings for rich men's country places nor yet any sites for the truck patches of more simple folks. To its location it owes its escape. On a lake here-a little lake which completely is walled in by virgin woodland-I have seen loon and osprey and bald eagle. 57 Cobb's America Guyed Books I've startled up a speckled doe as she fed along its shores and once I scared away a fox that tried to stalk a family of young black duck dabbling under a laureled bank. The clear water of the lake is thick with bass. The singing stream which leads out of it harbors fine, fat and lusty trout; and along this stream in the spring the cock grouse drums, and on beyond, at the edges of abandoned clearings, the bob-whites are whistling their mating call. On a clear cold January night, from our camping place I have seen the Aurora Borealis-that marvel and mystery of the northern heavens which science never has fathomed. For my part, I wonder how the scientists ever succeeded in finding out what its right name was, let alone solving the causes for it. I have stood and watched it flickering back and forth across the sky in waves and bands of gorgeous shifting color, 58:~ -- New rork putting to shame the puny man-made imitation of the Great White Way, so near at hand and yet, to all intents, so tremendously far away. I go down there often, and when I do my faith in things is renewed and I'm made glad all over by the thought that it will take a lot more of spoiling-years and years of it, maybe centuries of it-before New York City entirely succeeds in spoiling New York State. 59 -I - I I - Cobb's America Guyed Books To see the laughable side of American life and to see as well the fine sturdy qualities that make the States of the Union as idistinct as human beings is Cobb's unusual achievement in these books. Beneath a humorous surface of good-natured joshing one finds the State and its people, their peculiarities and time-honored traditions. You will find much amusement'in these books -and a fresh point of view. They are eminently good to read and the best sort of souvenir to send a friend. Don't miss any of them. These volumes are now ready: NEW YORK: So far as I know, General U. S. Grant is the only permanent resident. KANSAS: A trifle shy on natural beauties, but plenty of mental Alps and moral Himalayas. Cobb's America Guyed Books INDIANA: The middle layer of perhaps the noblest slice of earthly cake. MAINE: Great singers are made by contending with the words in the Maine geography. NORTH CAROLINA: A state most people have a sleeping-car knowledge of. KENTUCKY: From center to circumference, from crupper to hame, from pit to dome, a Kentuckian is all Kentuckian. Other tvlumes in preparation. Fifty cents each. NEW YORK: GEORGE H. DORAN COMPANY I C II ~ II __ THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN DATE DUE OCT [C 1983 Mt. f3 9015 00407 3030 DO NOT REMOVE OR MUTILATE CARD I