PASTOR'S
WEDDING GIFT.
BY
WILLIAM Mv THAYER,
AUTHOR OF "HINTS FOR THE HOUSEHOLD," " SPOTS IN OUR FEASTS OF
CHARITY," ETC.
"But happy they, the happiest of their kind,
Whom gentle stars unite; and in one fate
Their hearts, their fortunes and their beings blend."
THOMSON.
" I love thee, and I feel
That in the fountain of my heart a seal
Is set, to keep its waters pure and bright
For thee."                           SHELLEY.
BOSTON:
NICHOLS AND NOYES,
1867.




Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1854, by
WILLIAM M. THAYER,
In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the District of Massachusetts.




PREFACE.
IT has become quite general for pastors to present to the
couples whom they marry some token that may serve as counsellor and guide to them in their matrimonial relations. In
observing this custom, the author has often realized, in the
course of his ministry, the need of a larger and more comprehensive PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT than the bookstores at present afford. For this reason he has prepared this humble
volume, and now sends it forth upon its mission.
The work is written with special reference to the interest
which pastors cherish in those whom they unite in marriage.
It is also designed to embrace a discussion of the more impoitant duties and principles required to make a couple happy
and their home peaceful.
W. M. T.








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X, / \ A, 








CONTENTS.
PAGB
I. PAST;)R'S ADDRESS TO THE BRIDAL PAIR,.......   13
II. DUTIES OF TIIE CONJUGAL RELATION,..........27
[II. DEDICATION OF THIE BRIDAL HOMEE,...........  51
IV. LAST WORDS WITI TIHE BRIDAL PAIR,.......... 75
POETRY............................ 89








PASTOR'S ADDRESS
TO
THE BRIDAL PAIR.








1.
PASTOR S ADDRESS TO THE BRIDAL PAIR.
BRIDAL PAIR! from the circle of home, on either side,
tearful eyes gaze upon your receding footsteps, and many
a " God bless you! " falls from unfeigned lips.  Here and
there a friend, endeared by a thousand ties, would whisper
in your ears some hearty counsel, and wish that it might
be held as a treasure in your loving hearts.  But no
friend, however kind and true, will follow you with deeper
interest than he, who, in the name of God, has sealed
your nuptial bands. None will lift for you a heartier
prayer than he. Before him the plighted vow was made,
and he pronounced you "ONE."  Before him, calling
upon God to witness, you pledged your mutual confidence
and love for life. He consummated the union that will add
essentially to your earthly weal or woe. Untrue, indeed,
would be his heart, if this solemn marriage-rite did not
awaken his sincerest interest in your welfare! Unfeeling
would he be, if the glad or painful tidings, borne to his
ear of your course and destiny, did not excite his joy or
regret!
Regard it, then, as true, wedded couple, that, while
other eyes may look with indifference upon your ways,




14              PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
the eye of him who married you will never turn away
from your life-path until it is closed in death, or you
wander beyond the sphere of his knowledge and influence.
The best wishes of his heart arc with you, and " good news "
from you and yours will be hailed with delight. What
though the hand of Providence guide you to a distant
clime, and he never see you more; what though other
sights and scenes may blot his name from your memories;
what though time may work its fearful changes in the
circumstances and prospects of all; what though age may
whiten your shining locks, and dim your laughing eyes;
-that he married you is enough to assure his hearty response to any intelligence that may be borne to him of
your hopes and destiny.
Why have you become husband and wife?  Is it in
obedience to an imperious demand of nature, — because
the heart was made to love? Is it to lay a pure offering
upon the altar of affection? I see that the human heart
everywhere inclines to fasten its strong attachment upon
something.  From the little child in the nursery to the
old man upon the borders of the grave, there is the same
development.  From  the untamed savage in the vast
wilderness to the refined and polished scholar, I see the
sentiment of the poet verified:
" The heart, like the tendril, accustomed to cling,
Let it grow where it will, cannot flourish alone;
But will lean to the nearest and loveliest thing
It can twine with itself and make closely its own."
Another has beautifully said," In the hovel among the




ADDRESS TO THE BRIDAL PAIR.            15
mountains, in the palace on the plains, in the cot by the
brook, in the frescoed seat of luxury, in the abodes of the
poor, and in the mansions of the rich, among the dwellers
of the icy north and those of the sunny south, on the
lone islands of the sea and the distant lands of blossom
and song, we find the same native plant of affection growing luxuriantly; in all climes and in all places, a native
everywhere, and an exotic nowhere.  The Indian, in his
stern, savage vigor, and wild, storm-like power, bows, a
softened and subdued worshipper, at its shrine.  The
philosopher, in the great laboratory of nature, with her
crucibles, her telescopes, her fires and her laws, scattered
around him, forgets not to bring his daily gift to the
shrine of the heart. The monarch of empires, the king
of nations, the commander of armies, the conqueror of the
world, never blots from his soul this immortal image of
the God of love!"
Why, then, this plighted vow?  Is it to obey the
promptings of this inward sentiment, pure and lovely as
can fill the soul?  Then Heaven will smile upon your
union, and you will bless the day that made you " ONE! "
If otherwise, you have mingled for yourselves a cup of
bitterness to be drunk to its very dregs. In the tones of
the voice, the words of the mouth, the shades of the brow,
and the sorrow of the heart, there will be a decided utterance of the ills entailed. The fountains of sympathy will
be dried up, the emotions of tenderness will be eradicated,
and reciprocal kindness and dewy tears will pass away.
Sad blight upon the buds and blossoms of early hope and
friendship!




16             PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
Often ask yourselves, amid the cares and duties of life,
Why this plighted vow? Perhaps it will leave a blessing
behind, even though there arise no specific answer. It is
well to interrogate our hearts,  well to test our sentiments and principles.
The inquiry will often arise in the heart of him who
married you, Whither gone?  In what neighborhood or
land is their abode? What company do they gladden or
annoy by their presence? As he turns over the leaves
of his Pastoral Record, he reads, " On the  -  day of
married Mr.       - and Miss -  " and, however dim the recollection of the event because of the lapse
of years, it now flashes upon his mind as if it were a fact
of yesterday.  Gladly would he fly on the wings of imagination to their habitation, to trace upon their brows the
lines of past experience. Gone whither? he inquires again
and again, nor is he satisfied with the answering echo,
Whither? He would listen to some reports of their
whereabouts, if not behold with his own eyes the abode
where cluster their earthly hopes. He remembers a
youthful couple whom he pronounced I"man and wife,"
some years ago, on the eve of their departure to the
alluring West, - and good tidings have often been borne
from  their home on the rolling prairie. He recalls another hopeful pair, married in his own parlor, on Christmas Eve, as fair and beautiful a bride and bridegroom as
eve't stDac at the altar D marriage, -and they went fwth
to seek their fortune in the wide, wide world. The only
answer ever returned to his question, Whither? has
been the echo, Whither? And still another memory




ADDRESS TO THE BRIDAL PAIR.           17
retains the city merchant with his blooming country
bride, taken to her new and splendid home in the great
metropolis.  Ten years have passed away, and now he
learns that fortune has smiled upon them, and they have
just sailed on a pleasure-tour to the " Old World" and
Palestine.
But he would learn from  all whom he has introduced
into this life-alliance. He would have no dark uncertainty brooding over their wanderings, no mystic veil
conceal the spot where their tents are pitched. Whether
reposing on a wild prairie of the West, or in the valley
of its mammoth river, in rural village or crowded city,
or amid strangers in distant climes,
" Over the dark blue sea,"
he would learn of their blissful or wretched homes.
Doubtless golden visions of the future are enchanting
your hearts, and you scarcely indulge a doubt that your
highest expectations will be realized.  More is usually
anticipated at the altar of marriage than is enjoyed. The
matrimonial state is often hailed as an Elysian land, where
sighs are all hushed, and tears are all wiped from the
eyes. And it is far better that the wedded couple be full
of hope and promise than saddened and dejected upon the
threshold of their life-relation. Still, moderation should
be exercised, lest disappointment, unexpected and severe,
roll too great a burden upon their sensitive natures.
There is a flattery of the future to inexperienced minds
that otten awakens expectations only to disappoint them.
The shores of time are scattered with the wrecks of cher2




18              PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
ished plans and hopes, destroyed by the delusive flatteries
of the world.
Moderate your expectations.  Be not cheated by the
world's vain promises. Maintain proper and reasonable
views of life. Expect little, and be prepared for much.
Know that anticipation is the eclipse of realization. The
honey-moon does not last forever.  "It is not always
May! "  Winter follows the blooming beauties of summer
and the "golden crops" of autumn. Clouds and sunshine
alternate. Storm and calm, day and night, succeed each
other. Perpetual fair weather is not well. A tempest
purifies the noxious air. So human experience is checkered, changeful, sorrowful and joyous, and all the better
for that. There is much truth in the following lines of
Pope:
" Love, Hope and Joy, fair Pleasure's smiling train,
Hate, Fear and Grief, the family of Pain;
These, mixed with art, and to due bounds confined,
Make and maintain the balance of the mind;
The lights and shades, whose well-accorded strife
Gives all the strength and color of our life."
If you were made the recipient of all the blessings that
you expect at the hand of Providence, it would doubtless
prove your ruin. It would be well neither for your mind
nor heart to be so blest. It is well that some of your
flattering dreams are nothing more than dreams, - that
some of the anticipated sights and scenes are mere visions
of the fancy.
You go forth from a kindred circle that still has claims
upon  your affections.  Warm  hearts may yet throb




ADDRESS TO THE BRIDAL PAIR.           19
therein for you.  They have loved much, felt much,
experienced much, for you.  Possibly, some of them
may have done more for your welfare than any and all
other earthly friends. You, yourselves, have yet to prove
that you can and will do more for each other than they
have done for you.  As yet you have only promised; it
remains to fulfil. But those whom you leave behind have
proved their fidelity. They have watched, toiled, wept,
perhaps prayed.  Their influence has been exerted,their impression is made, - their work is done.
Forget not your father and mother, brother and sister,
in your love for each other. Cherish their memories, as
a precious legacy, after you bid adieu to them and the old
mansion where you have safely dwelt.  Often let your
minds wander back to the homestead where the loved ones
gathered in fond and unbroken fellowship.  Forget not
the shady tree and the meandering stream, on whose
banks you plucked the mint and cowslip, and where you
listened to the merry warblers, the robin, thrush and jay,
filling the air with the music of their songs. And, O,
never lose the recollection of that mother's smile, and the
kind voice that enforced a father's mandate, when your
childhood nestled under the wing of their affection!
These are bright mementos of the early home to be
cherished when you are far away from the ancestral fireside, and will serve to connect the past and future as the
uniting link of an otherwise severed chain. It is well for
you to tarry at this crisis of life, and look back upon the
bowers that you leave ere you too highly exalt your bridal
home. It may modify your expectations, and prepare




20              PASTOR'S WEDDING LIFT.
you for an ever-changeful experience. And, though the
time never comes when your hopes are fully realized, giving heed to these suggestions may contribute largely to
your contentment.
Still, you are to love each other more than your kindred, and your bridal more than your natal home. With
the warmest, largest heart you should fill this new relation.  This alone is consistent with the vow you have
made, and the obligations that rest upon you.  Without
this there is no assurance that your home and union will
be happy.
Inquiries relating to your destiny will often be made
by him who married you.  Does the smile of fortune rest
upon them, or the blight of disappointment nip their
budding hopes? Are they indulged and petted in the lap
of luxury, or do they struggle and repine under the pressure of poverty? Are they successful in the pursuits of
life, or do they weep over blasted expectations? Do they
walk in the fear of God, or bow their hearts to Baal and
Ashtaroth? Does the sweet incense of virtue, or the exhalations of vice, ascend from their path? Is religion
their guide, solace and support, or are they crossing the
sea of life without chart or compass? Are they serving
God or the delusive world?  Are they living or dead?
What is their destiny?
With such inquiries the pastor will follow you from the
marriage-altar into the conflicts of life. To him there is
something grand in your going forth to add another to the
families of earth. ~ It is grappling with human responsibility at a crisis of life, and will plant another rose or




ADDRESS TO THE BRIDAL PAIR.           21
brier in the garden of domestic experience. It is opening the door of another home whither friends will delight
to wend their way.  It is laying a hearthstone around
which early "loves" will cluster. What affections may be
nurtured there! What fountains of bliss opened! What
noble purposes evolved! What anticipations realized!
And, alas! (forced to view the darkest side of the picture),
what feuds may be engendered!  What hopes dashed!
What virtues sacrificed!  What hearts broken!  What
destruction wrought!
None more than he who married you will rejoice to hear
that you are blest in basket and store. The good things
of this world, in liberal measure, used as not abusing
them, will contribute to your felicity; and he would have
you share them  by honest means and with a goodly
spirit.
" A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches,
and loving favor rather than silver and gold." Beautiful
words of the wise man are these; and who would not
delight to see them verified in your experience! It
would surely gratify him who invoked the divine blessing
upon your wedding-day.  A name that shall be as the
sweet perfume of flowers to fellow-travellers in life, may
this be yours beyond the power of slander or malice to
destroy! As the music of pleasant voices, and the melody
of harp and timbrel, may the sound of your name fall
upon every wayfarer's ear!
" A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for
adversity."  May such gather around you with the good
cheer of wholesome counsel and true sympathy,- a faith



22              PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
ful band, whose friendship is tried, and whose love faileth
not! May they prove your armor-bearers and life-guards.
"As the mountains are round about Jerusalem," so may
their fidelity and love surround you as a bulwark of defence. And, more than all, may you enjoy the good-will
of that greater, better, holier FRIEND who " sticketh closer
than a brother."
Does trial come upon you when walking in the plain
path of duty?  The tidings awaken the sympathies of
your aforenamed well-wisher.  Trial in some form  and
measure must be experienced in this world, and, properly
regarded, it comes as a " blessing in disguise." Tenderly
may the blessed Lord deal with you in this regard, tempering the wind to the shorn lamb! The early rupture of
your marriage-bonds by the hand of death would be deplored by him  whose ministrations gave them  being.
Long may you walk together in the endearing relation of
husband and wife, the union severed not until bowed with
weary age, and parted then to renew your love amid the
joys and glories of the " Better Land."
To aid you in the discharge of important duties, you
will find counsels recorded in the remainder of this volume.
Ponder and live them well, and great will be your reward.
"Then may the union of young hearts,
So early and so well begun,
Like sea and shore, in all their parts,
Appear as twain, but be as one.
"Be it like summer- may they find
Bliss, beauty, hope, where'er they roam;
Be it like winter, when confined,Peace, comfort, happiness, at home.




ADDRESS TO THE BRIDAL PAIR.                23
" Like day and night - sweet interchange
Of care, enjoyment, action, rest;
Absence nor coldness e'er estrange
Hearts by unfailing love possessed!
" Like earth's horizon - be their scene
Of life a rich and various ground;
And, whether lowering or serene,
Heaven all above it and around.
" When land and ocean, day and night,
When years and nature cease to be,
May their inheritance be light,
Their union, one eternity."
MONTGOMERY.








DUTIES
OF THE
CONJUGAL RELATION.








II.
DUTIES  OF THE  CONJUGAL RELATION.
You will readily admit, dear friends, the truth of the
old maxim, " It is wise to weigh well what we can only
once decide." A decision that is final in regard to almost
any subject invests it with peculiar interest and importance. The whole responsibility with which it is fraught is
crowded into that single act of the will. I remember to
have seen somewhere the following incident.  A  ship's
crew werq cast upon a desolate island in a storm. The
prospect of their deliverance was very dark. There was
scarcely any hope of their preservation unless they could
strike a fire. Preparations were made to kindle a fire,
and a pile of fagots were gathered. But on opening their
match-box, it contained but a single match!  What fearful interest gathered around that single match as it was
lifted to strike! Life itself was suspended upon it! If
they failed in the attempt to light it, they were lost; if
successful, they were probably safe.
Somewhat of that interest invests every subject when
the decision that disposes of it forever is made. This is
even true of those secular affairs whose importance is
comparatively small.  The merchant reaches a crisis in




28              PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
his business, when everything seems to depend upon one
timely act, and the pressure of responsibility causes him
to tremble as he meets it.  The sailor tosses upon a
stormy sea when his fate is possibly decided by the reefing of a sail or a turn of the rudder; and who can fully
realize the almost crushing interest of the moment?
This truth is strikingly illustrated in the conjugal relation.  Marriage is decided but once.  It is a life-union.
The die is cast for happiness or misery. The moment a
bridal couple are pronounced "husband and wife," their
destiny is fixed.  What God has joined together, man
cannot put asunder. Happy or not, the wedded pair must
continue in the bands of wedlock.  It was their own
choice, - a deliberate resolve, - and they must abide the
consequences. Come what may, it is done "once for all."
In such relations there is deep meaning in that little
word, ONCE.  It deserves to be pondered.  It is no trifle.
Nothing is trifling that confers weal or woe.  "ONCE FOR
ALL," - though it crushes both the wedded hearts, and a
score of others with them!  Once done, -  done forever!
Such importance is evidently not attached to marriage
by the majority of those who enter it. The relation is too
often entered without considering what issues are at stake.
An eminent writer says, "They who enter the marriage
state cast a die of the greatest contingency, and yet of the
greatest interest in the world, next to the last throw for
eternity. Life or death, felicity or a lasting sorrow, are
in the power of marriage.  A woman, indeed, ventures
most, for she hath no sanctuary to retire to from an evil
husband.  She must dwell upon her sorrow, which her




DUTIES OF THE CONJUGAL RELATION.         29
own folly hath produced; and she is more under it, because her tormentor hath warrant of prerogative, and the
woman may complain to God, as subjects do of tyrant
princes, but otherwise she hath no appeal in the causes of
unkindness.  And, though the man can run from many
hours of sadness, yet he must return to it again; and
when he sits among his neighbors, he remembers the objection that lies in his bosom, and he sighs deeply."
It does not require very close observation to learn that
few attach such importance to the conjugal relation. The
slight regard paid to its DUTIES, on every hand, is sufficient proof of this. Every observer is forced to believe
that multitudes of the married would rejoice to be released
from the bonds. A writer states, as his opinion, that at
least one family of every five, in the city of Boston, would
be happier in being separated, than they are in dwelling
together.. This need not be said particularly of Boston.
Something like this is true of every town and neighborhood.  And it shows that there must be a great neglect
of the DUTIES belonging to this relation.  Such consequences are not a necessary result. If they were, it would
be a stain upon the wisdom  and goodness of Him who
ordained that " they twain shall be one flesh."
To prove that I have not unduly magnified the delinquencies of married couples, let me state what I have seen
with my own eyes; and probably nearly every reader will
say that he has witnessed the same. Such a view of facts
will prepare the way for a better understanding of the
DUTIES that we may discuss.
I have seen a wife pouring her complaints into the ear




30             PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
of an unmarried friend, and asserting that her early anticipations were only dreams, -that the ardent love of
youth is romantic and delusive, - and that they who
never marry are the more fortunate class.
I have seen a husband absent himself from his home as
if it were only a place to eat and lodge, plunging into
business with a sort of desperation, or seeking enjoyment
among the congregated neighbors at the public inn or
stores- doing this week after week, and month after month;
yea, I have known him to go to the social party, or ball,
leaving his invalid wife at home to entertain herself and
children as best she could, - evidently depending more upon
parties, clubs and balls, for entertainment, than he did
upon his faithful wife and loving children.
I have seen the splendid mansion, richly furnished with
all that can delight the eye or please the taste, and all
done to gratify a refined and professedly pious wife; yet
discontent preyed upon her heart, and her home was not
such a home as she desired. If she could only be situated
like Mrs. A. or Mrs. B., she should be perfectly happy,
and would ask no more; but, as it is, there are too many
disappointments and vexations to admit of much enjoyment.
I have seen a man control his purse with the exactness
of a cashier, as he doled out "here a little and there a
little " to his toiling wife, — never entrusting it to her
even to carry to the store, and never giving her a fraction
of a dollar to lay aside for such a use as her own wisdom
and wants determine. Every cent for which she asked
was parted with as if it were heartily begrudged, and his




DUTIES OF THE CONJUGAL RELATION.         31
actions and looks seemed to say, " What can a woman
want of money?"
I have seen another, -a husband who would think
himself insulted if he were charged with unkindness, yet
this charge is too tame for his cruelty. I have seen him
absolutely compel his pious wife to leave her own meeting
because his religious views differed from hers, thus playing the tyrant over her conscience and heart, - the worst
form of tyranny with which the world is cursed, — and
still having the audacity to consider himself a gentleman.
I have seen a wife so enslaved to her companion as not
to dare purchase the smallest article without his consent.
A book, a dress, any sort of a nicknack, offered upon the
most reasonable terms by a trader at her door, - none of
them can be bought until he has been consulted.  He
must be sent for, or the trader must call again. She may
strongly desire the article, - it may even be quite necessary in the family; but it is of no use, - she is in bondage
to her husband, and must wait his nod. Indeed, in works
of charity, in which her brothers and sisters in Christ are
engaged, she could not consult the dictates of her own
conscience. Why should she? Her husband controls that.
Her poor conscience cannot act except at his " say so;"
she must consult him, and know whether she can give
anything to the perishing, and, if she can, how much.
Wonderful privilege! If this be not domestic despotism,
worse than Austrian tyranny, then there is no despotism!
I have seen a husband transact his business with a
studious effort to keep his wife ignorant of the true state
of his affairs. All the while she supposed that he was




32             PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
very prosperous, and conducted her household arrangements upon a more expensive scale than she otherwise
would have done. And when, at last, she received the
unexpected and unwelcome tidings that her husband was
a bankrupt, it well-nigh overwhelmed her.  She reproached him for his secrecy, while she thought of this,
that, and the other way in which she might have economized, to the no small advantage of the creditors.
I have seen a lazy husband, lounging about the streets,
interested in every person's business but his own; a
hanger-on at the hotel and stores, and more willing to
lend a helping hand in his sick neighbor's family than in
his own; while his faithful wife was toiling at home to
support him and the hungry children, - up early, and late
to bed, that she might have the more crumbs to drop into
the open mouths of the little ones cooing in her nest,- a
self-sacrificing, devoted partner, willing to wear herself
out for the sake of an indolent husband and dependent
babes.
I have seen a vain and wasteful wife, possessing more
taste for dress than good sense, wearing property enough
upon her back to clothe an ordinary family, in no sense
"a keeper at home," but rather a gadding, flirting, loquacious woman, having less care of the household than the
two well-paid domestics; while her indulgent husband
labored hard in a somewhat prosperous pursuit to make
"his ends meet," often sad and dejected because he could
lay in store nothing for a " rainy day," and the infirmities
of age.
I have seen the clergyman who has been asked by a




DUTIES OF THE CONJUGAL RELATION.           33
father if he would marry his daughter without making her
promise to love her husband, inasmuch as she had no
special affection for him. She was too conscientious to
say, before God, that she loved him when the reverse was
true; yet she could become his wife, and thus make herself and him miserable through life, with no scruples of
conscience.
Who has ever seen a couple at fifty or sixty years of
age apparently so well pleased with each other as they
were during the first year of their married life? I do
not say that such couples are not found, but are they not
few and far between?
But time would fail me to enumerate all that is open to
the eye of every observer, telling of the miseries that are
entailed by unfortunate marriages. I have not pointed to
the more revolting scenes of alienation and discord between husband and wife that are witnessed here and
there; I have taken my examples from so-called respectable society, just as it appears in the most enlightened
and Christian neighborhoods.  The reader will readily
recall scenes which'have come under his observation,
answering to those described above. In every one of the
examples enumerated there is a violation of some conjugal
duty by one or both of the parties.
And what does all this prove  Certainly, that the
DUTIES of the conjugal relation receive little attention from
multitudes who enter it.  They seem to regard matrimony
as a generous benefactress, who pours munificent gifts
into the laps of all who enter her domain, without reference to fidelity on their part.  Fatal delusion! The
3




34              PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
arch-fiend never invented a more successful instrument
for the destruction of human happiness! The very relation, which God designed to add greatly to earthly bliss,
becomes the occasion of indescribable woe.
Let us then turn to a consideration of the DUTIES involved in the marriage contract.  Doubtless you desire
to avoid the rocks and shoals on which other barks
have split, and derive all the happiness from your new
relation which it is capable of yielding. Be assured this
can be done only by a faithful discharge of the DUTIES to
which your attention is now earnestly invited.
The first duty that ought to be well considered is this,
- to realize that true domestic happiness depends much
upon the little things of life. Little attentions, little acts
of devotion, little kindnesses, well-nigh determine the happiness of wedded life.  Little neglects, little words of
bitterness, little offences, mar the conjugal relation,they are the little foxes that spoil the vines.
" A pebble in the streamlet scant
Has turned the course of many a river;
A dewdrop on the baby plant
Has warped the giant oak forever!"
Coleridge says, " The happiness of life is made up of
minute fractions, the little soon-forgotten charities of a
kiss, a smile, a kind look, a heartfelt compliment in the
disguise of playful raillery, and the countless other infinitesimals of pleasurable thought and genial feeling."
The experience of every wedded couple testifies to the
truthfulness of these remarks.  A few moments of reflec



DUTIES OF THE CONJUGAL RELATION.         35
tion will satisfy the reader that such minor transactions
as are scarcely thought worthy of attention essentially
"make or mar" the happiness of the marriage state.
JEREMY TAYLOR has spoken upon this subject in such
beautiful words that I quote his language at some length.
"Man and wife are equally concerned to avoid all offences
of each other in the beginning of their conversation;
every little thing can blast an infant blossom; and the
breath of the south can shake the little rings of the vine
when first they begin to curl like the locks of a newweaned boy; but when by age and consolidation they
stiffen into the hardness of a stem, and have, by the warm
rays of the sun, and the kisses of heaven, brought forth
their clusters, they can endure the storms of the north,
and the loud noises of a tempest, and yet never be broken;
so are the early unions of an unfixed marriage; watchful
and observant, jealous and busy, inquisitive and careful,
and apt to take alarm at every unkind word. For infirmities do not manifest themselves in the first scenes, but in
the succession of a long society; and it is not chance or
weakness when it appears at first, but it is want of love
or prudence, or it will be so expounded; and that which
appears ill at first, usually affrights the inexperienced man
or woman, who makes unequal conjectures, and fancies
mighty sorrows, by the proportions of the new and early
unkindness. It is a very great passion, or a huge folly,
or a certain want of love, that cannot preserve the colors
and beauties of kindness, so long as public honesty requires a man to wear their sorrows for the death of a
friend.  Plutarch compares a new marriage to a vessel




36              PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
before the hoops are on; everything dissolves its tender
compaginations; but when the joints are stiffened, and are
tied by a firm  compliance and proportioned bending,
scarcely can it be dissolved without fire, or the violence
of iron. After the hearts of the man and the wife are
endeared and hardened by a mutual confidence and experience, longer than artifice and pretence can last, there
are a great many remembrances, and some things present,
that dash all little unkindnesses in pieces."
"Let man and wife be careful to stifle little things,
that, as fast as they spring, they be cut down and trod
upon; for, if they be suffered to grow by numbers, they
make the spirit peevish, and the society troublesome, and
the affections loose and uneasy by an habitual aversation.
Some men are more vexed with a fly than a wound; and
when the gnats disturb our sleep, and the reason is disquieted, but not perfectly awakened, it is often seen that
he is fuller of trouble than if, in the daylight of reason,
he were to contest with a potent enemy."
It is the duty of husband and wife to cherish the
WARMEST AFFECTION for each other. It is impossible for
them  to exercise that watchfulness already spoken of
without this.  They may highly respect each other, yet
without love their union cannot be harmonious and happy.
If mutual attachment does not bind them closely together,
they are not disposed to overlook each other's faults, nor
duly appreciate each other's excellences. Nothing can
atone for the want of this charming grace.  It is the harbinger of all that is good in matrimony, and the panacea
for all its ills.




DUTIES OF THE CONJUGAL RELATION.         37
"Love is a star whose gentle ray
Beams constant o'er our lonely way;
Love is a gem, whose pearly light
Oft charms us in the darkest night."
There are earthly homes in which we behold the exhibition of this virtue in all its purity. The' two hearts
one," are one in very truth. There are no differences and
altercations between them, but a sweet communion of
spirit blends feeling and interest as the colors of the
morning light. Nothing can exceed the beauty of such a
scene, - fair type of the closer bond that will unite the
saved in heaven.  The discussion of the them-e is maxred
only by the admission that such examples are exceedingly
rare.
To marry for LOVE is a consideration which cannot be
assailed by ridicule or argument.  It is a motive that
commends itself to every person's conscience as pure and
lofty.  On the other hand, to marry for money, or a
home, or for beauty, or any other kindred object, cannot
be regarded otherwise than foolish and censurable. All
of these things have their place, but it is quite wide from
the first.  It may be well to possess a degree of wealth;
properly used it may become the means of extensive usefulness.  But to make this the supreme object, or even to
approximate to this, is certain death to domestic peace
and happiness.  The same may be said of beauty.  We
would not pronounce it worthless. It is one of the characteristics of divine works which God designed we should
admire.  It is a priceless boon wherever it is bestowed.
Whether viewed on the wide-extended landscape, on the




38               PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
artist's canvas, or on the human face, it captivates the
heart.  From  the humble violet, nestling in the waving
verdure, to the majestic pine on the mountain-top, lifting
high in air his crown of fairest green, beauty is a marked
and bewitching quality.  It has power over the human
heart. And in the human form, -  we cannot disguise the
fact, construe it as we may, - beauty exerts a powerful influence over our natures. Still, beauty should be a minor
consideration in entering the marriage state. Alone, it is
a very trifling possession. In company with the substantial virtues it is a prize. The following sentiment of the
poet contains the true idea:
" Affect not to despise beauty; no one is freed from its dominion;
But regard it not a pearl of price; -it is fleeting as the bow in the
clouds.
If the character within be gentle, it often hath its index in the
countenance.
The soft smile of a loving face is better than splendor that fadeth
quickly." *
The manner in which God addresses husbands upon this
subject is very marked. It does not admit of the addition
of another word to enforce this duty of love. " Husbands,
love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and
gave himselffor it.  So ought men to love their wives as
their own bodies." Comment can add nothing to the force
of this language. Christ loved the church to that degree
that he cheerfully laid down his life for it; and so ought
husbands to love their wives. This is the plain import of
* Tupper.




DUTIES OF THE CONJUGAL RELATION.         39
the text.  Were it fully practised what tenderness and
strength of love would be witnessed! What scenes of
harmony and bliss would be presented! Husbands ought
to love their wives " as their own bodies." If the husband
" understands how he treats himself, there need nothing be
added concerning his demeanor towards her; for what
care does he take of his own body, and uses it with a
delicate tenderness, and cares for it in all contingencies,
and watches to keep it from all evils, and studies to make
for it fair provisions, and is very often led by its inclinations and desires, and does never contradict its appetites,
but when they are evil, and then also not without some
trouble and sorrow."
MUTUAL RESPECT is another duty of the conjugal relation.  Every effort is put forth to gain the respect of
friends and neighbors, while there is very little exertion
between husbands and wives generally to win each other's
respect. The latter is far more important of the two, and
yet receives the least attention. If a man does not respect
his wife he will not be likely to do much for her happiness.  The same is true of the wife.  Sincere affection
will, indeed, do much by way of concealing faults, and
thus laying the foundation for respect, but it will not do
everything.  A wife may render herself obnoxious to a
very loving husband, and vice versa.
Do you inquire how this respect shall be nurtured? I
answer, in the language of another, " If we would be respected, we should be respectable." In all circumstances
of the marriage state the conduct should be controlled
with reference to this object. In small as well as great




40             PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
things, in words as well as deeds, there must be a studied
endeavor to secure this result. " There should be courtesy
without ceremony; politeness without formality; attention without slavery; it should, in short, be the tenderness of love, supported by esteem, and guided by politeness."
MUTUAL COMPANIONSHIP AND  SYMPATHY  is another
important duty.  I have said before that I have seen a
husband who made no more of his home than he would of
a boarding-house, spending his evenings, and all other
leisure hours, elsewhere, and apparently depending more
upon the society of others than that of his own wife for
enjoyment. The truth is very generally as follows:- for
a season after marriage this duty of COMPANIONSHIP is well
observed; but, by and by, the husband risks a leisure
hour abroad, and then another, and another, until he is
seldom found at home except for " bed and board."  It is
painful to see how small a proportion of husbands are
really companionable at home. They may be eminently
so abroad, but not in the company of their wives. If
there for an evening, they make no more effort to be
entertaining than an article of furniture. They have
heard nor read nothing that is worthy of being rehearsed,
— never have any news or plans to make known, and
never know anything when asked, - and yet, away from
home are delightful companions. That the hurrying, driving, exciting character of the age has somewhat to do with
this is not denied. But such are the facts, account for
them as we may.
In a number of the Merchant's Magazine is a com



DUTIES OF THE CONJUGAL RELATION.         41
munication, headed " Complaints of a Merchant's Wife."
It may be considered the complaint of other wives also.
It runs thus:
" It seems to me, at times, as if there were no more men
left in the world; they have all become citizens. Their
humanity seems merged in some presidency or secretaryship. They are good trustees, directors, cashiers, bankers,
but they are very indifferent husbands and fathers. They
are utterly without social chat; they read no pleasant
books; they hate the sound of music; they visit nobody;
they scarcely deign to look at the face of nature; and,
for their unhappy wives, they must put up with cold looks
and cold words. This is all wrong, gentlemen. It is a
sad perversion of life; it is cruelly unjust to us and our
daughters; and it is the too certain source of deep and
lasting misery to those who indulge in it.... I
bitterly feel and lament the want of that sympathy and
communion of heart, which are so liberally promised us in
the marriage-vow.  Come, then, Messrs. Editors, to our
relief. Here is a cause worthy of your pens. Exhort,
frighten, ridicule, if you can, our erring husbands into a
return to their alliance, and to a more rational and happy
life."
No comments are needed upon the above.  It is too
true to be denied. Hence the importance of pressing
this duty of companionship in a work like this.  It is a
reasonable, consistent, and very essential duty. It commends itself to the conscience and heart.
SYMPATHY is necessary in order to be companionable.
The husband who has no sympathy in his nature ought




42              PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
never to have made such a vow as he did at the marriage altar.  Indeed, he ought never to have become a
husband.  There are too many scenes and occasions in
married life that demand its exercise, to excuse its absence. As much, and more, may be said of the wife. A
woman without sympathy is a dishonor to her sex; she
must be a rough, revolting, unseemly character..
It is often true that the trials of her situation render
the wife an invalid, so that she is partially disqualified to
make herself companionable. She is unable to do as wife
and mother what she otherwise would. In her feebleness
she certainly has more claims upon the sympathy of her
husband than when in health.  Yet, who has not seen
men, making these very circumstances the occasion of
seeking social enjoyment elsewhere, and absenting themselves'from home, to the no small annoyance of their enfeebled companions?  What a lack of sympathy! What
a want of affection!
No wedded pair will live long together without finding
abundant occasions to exercise this virtue. Both parties
will experience trials enough to demand its exercise.
And it is needed, too, in prosperity as really as in adversity. But in sickness, sorrow, disappointment, and every
variety of trouble, it ought especially to be cherished.
" There's nought in this bad world like sympathy;'T is so becoming to the soul and face. -
Sets to soft music the harmonious sigh,
And robes sweet friendship in a Brussel's lace." *
* Byron.




DUTIES OF THE CONJUGAL RELATION.          43
It is the duty of husband and wife to overlook each
other's faults. Of course there is a limit to such counsel
as this, but its application will be readily appreciated.
However good the married parties may be, neither of
them are perfect. Both have faults, and time will surely
reveal them.  If there be not a disposition to overlook
and forgive these errors, they will become, at once, a bone
of contention. It is here that multitudes in the marriage
state fail, and part with connubial happiness.  There
seems to be a disposition in the human heart to put the
worst construction upon a partner's faults; while the opposite ought to be the case. It is the dictate of reason and
conscience that the most favorable view of such errors
should be instituted. This spirit alone is really humane
and Christian.  And how beautiful the exhibition! In
perfect harmony with the nature of the conjugal relation!
" Forgive and forget!- why, the world would be lonely,
The garden a wilderness left to deform,
If the flowers but remembered the chilling winds only,
And the fields gave no verdure for fear of the storm."'
MUTUAL COOPERATION in all the toils and responsibilities
of the marriage state is still another duty.  It is true,
husband and wife have each a separate sphere in which to
act, and it is necessary that they keep within them. Still,
this can be done, while they are careful to render that
mutual assistance which affection  and  duty demand.
There are many ways in which a faithful husband can
* Swain.




44        DUTIES OF THE CONJUGAL RELATION.
assist his wife in her domestic duties; and so a wife may
render herself equally helpful to her husband in his secular pursuit.
Upon this subject Dr. Humphrey says, " We see that,
wherever they are united as husbands and wives, different
classes of duties may devolve upon them. God has made
them so   Their physical constitutions are in some respects so different, that, to secure connubial harmony, the
man must keep within his own allotted sphere, and the
woman within hers, as each of the planets must move in
its own orbit, to preserve the balance of the solar system.
The only way to keep the balance and maintain perfect
harmony between them  is for Jupiter and Venus to roll
on in their respective celestial pathways." The truth is
here strongly presented, yet it is not at all incompatible
with mutual assistance. Co6peration does not necessarily
involve a meddling, dictatorial spirit. Properly regarded,
it implies the reverse.
As the result of such cooperation there will be MUTUAL
CONSULTATION,- a duty which is too generally neglected.
It seems to be usually conceded by the married parties
that the wife shall control the household affairs, and the
husband his secular business, without conferring with each
other.  Men are disposed to think that their wives know
little about business, and hence it is quite useless to confer with them.  On the other hand, women are convinced
that men are so ignorant of what appertains to their
domestic duties, that it would be a waste of breath to
seek their advice. Ience, examples of mutual consultation in matrimony are exceedingly rare. But, in opposi



DUTIES OF THE CONJUGAL RELATION.         45
tion to all such views and feelings, we do not hesitate to
affirm that, generally, husbands would be more successful
in their business relations if they consulted their wives,
and wives would more prosperously conduct their household affairs if they conferred with their husbands. Their
union would  certainly appear more harmonious and
happy.
There are other duties involved in the conjugal relation
which we have not time nor space to discuss. A few of
them are inseparably connected with those enumerated,
and will be readily understood.  Some of them may be
suggested at this point, and then dismissed. AMIABILITY
or GOOD TEMPER, INDUSTRY, ECONOMY, CONFIDENCE and
MEEKNESS, are all indispensable to a happy union. Their
absence will leave the relation open to the inroads of a
fault-finding and unamiable spirit. They will, however,
quite naturally succeed the cultivation of those virtues
already presented.
The subject ought not to be dismissed without reference
to another and more important topic, although it will receive attention in a subsequent part of the work.  The
duties of the conjugal relation cannot be fully discharged
without the aids of Christianity.  The parties must be
CHRISTIANS in order to possess such a spirit as will ensure
peace and joy until they are separated by death. If there
be a wedded couple who are as happy in each other's
society thirty years after their marriage as they were
during the first month of their union, that couple will be
found to be Christians. Love that is tried by the vicissitudes of successive years, and all the while maintains its




46              PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
strength and purity, if it does not actually increase in a
good degree, is such as the Gospel of Christ regulates and
fosters by its regenerating and conservative influence.
To any bridal pair, who are desirous of perpetuating their
affection warm and vigorous as it is now in the morning
of wedded life, I would say, be devoted Christians. If
now you are strangers to a saving interest in Christ, make
it your first business to become the true children of God,
as the most successful way to nurture and strengthen
your present attachment.  Religion contains not only the
germ of virtues that will shine forever in the Paradise
above, but of all those lesser graces that adorn life
within the domestic circle. Says John Angell James, " A
good Ciristian cannot be a bad husband and father; and,
other things being equal, he who has most piety will
shine most in all the relations of life. A Bible placed
between man and wife as the basis of their union, the rule
of their conduct, and the model of their spirit, will make
up many a difference, comfort them under many a cross,
guide them in many a strait wherein flesh and blood will
be confounded and at a loss, support them in their last
sad parting from  each other, and reunite them in the
world where they shall go no more out."
Perhaps you, dear friends, are both the disciples of
Christ. If so, be careful that you assist each other in
your Christian course. In no particular can you be more
truly helpmates than in this regard. In none is it more
important to be mutually faithful. In none is it easier to
be negligent and inconsistent.  Beware that you do not
hinder each other in the way of life. Let that beautiful




DUTIES OF THE CONJUGAL RELATION.         47
scene appear in your earthly union,- two followers of
Christ, united by the strongest ties of love, studying to
advance each other in holiness, that, at last, after the
parting of earth, they may participate together in the
closer communion of heaven.
Perhaps one of you is unconverted, and the other a
member of the church.  Without discoursing upon the
right or wrong of such a union, a word of counsel will not
be amiss. Admitting such a union to be wrong, it is now
too late to retrieve the error.  With yourselves the step
is taken, and what is done cannot be undone. You must
now make the best of it. Evil does not necessarily result
from  such a union.  The pious party does not become
worldly, and reproach religion in the eyes of his or her
companion, because there is no escape from this melancholy result.  Many instances might be cited to show
that Christian fidelity has resulted in the salvation of the
unconverted party. All such examples ought to lead the
Christian husband or wife to be very faithful to the soul
of his or her companion.
It is not often true that pious men marry unconverted
females; but the instances are very numerous where
Christian females take worldly men for their husbands.
The Scriptures appear to recognize this fact, and tender important counsels to wives in such circumstances.
They are exhorted to be exemplary disciples in all their
conduct before their husbands, " that they may be won by
the conversation of their wives, while they behold your
chaste conversation coupled with fear." Religion must be
happily illustrated in their lives if they would win their




48              PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
partners to Christ; for almost their only hope, apart from
the direct agency of God, lies here, - in the beauty and
power of a consistent and holy example.  And, again,
here is a very touching appeal: " What knowest thou, O
wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? " Perhaps
your fidelity will bring him to the cross. What a powerful motive this! To be instrumental in saving a husband,
what sacrifice would a Christian wife not make for this!
Ponder it, thou hopeful bride, and let the thought beget
the noblest aims! In the language of Mr. Jay, " Think
of happiness,- the honor that awaits you. What is the
triumph you have acquired over him by your charms
compared with the victory you will obtain over him by
your religion?  What pleasure will attend you the remainder of your days! Now you are' one heart and one
mind;' now you' take sweet counsel together.' And what
will be your joy and crown of rejoicing in that day, when,
before assembled men and angels, he will say, 0, blessed
be the Providence which attached us in yonder world, and
has still more perfectly united us in this! The woman
thou gavest to be with me led me not to the tree of knowledge of good and evil, but to the tree of knowledge which
is in the midst of the Paradise of God."
We have now considered the leading DUTIES involved
in the conjugal relation.  In a matrimonial character,
formed after the model described, the several virtues
appear as "apples of gold in pictures of silver."  A
single defect will destroy the fair proportion and beautiful
symmetry of the whole. Here, as elsewhere, "there is a
place for everything, and everything in its place." Love,




DUTIES OF THE CONJUGAL RELATION.         49
confidence, forbearance, attention, and kindred graces,
must stand in their respective relations, or some unhappiness will result to the wedded pair.
The same is true of everything.  Beauty itself loses
half its charms unless it appears in company with other
attractions.  The richest, most finished painting is complete in all its parts. Not only the tree, hill and shrubbery, must be beautiful in themselves, but the background
must be executed with equal skill.  Light and shade
must mingle there in richest blendings, or the whole
painting is marred.  It is beauty set in  deformity.
Thus nicely-wrought specimens of art may lose a portion of their attractions by appearing in company with
defects.
So with character.  A real excellence may be grouped
with such deformities as to lose its lustre  in  part.
Beauty, gracefulness, and intelligence, are a lovelier trio
than beauty, awkwardness, and ignorance.  So love, confidence, and forbearance, are more winning in the marriage state than love, confidence, and fretfulness. Love,
in company with the former virtues, is "an apple of gold
in pictures of silver."
For this charming sympathy of character in the matrimonial state may you strive.  Your efforts to this end
will scatter blessings all along your future pathway.
Amid the trials and sad hours of life, such a character
will cheer as the bright bow upon the bosom of a cloud.
And, at the end of life's journey, delightful memories
will throng your minds, and celestial consolations fill
your hearts.
4




50                  PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
" From that day forth in peace and joyous bliss,
They lived together long without debate;
Nor private jars, nor spite of enemies,
Could shake the safe assurance of their state."
SPENSER.




DEDICATION
OF THE
BRIDAL HOME.








III.
DEDICATION  OF  THE  BRIDAL  HOME.
HOME! No word awakens so many associations as this,
and none appeals more powerfully to the human heart in
all climes and circumstances. In every age and nation
mankind have expressed similar sentiments, and indulged
kindred feelings in relation to it. However stinted in the
measure of earthly goods, it has ever possessed attractions more powerful than those of lordly " pleasures and
palaces."  A glad response has been awakened in every
heart to the beautiful sentiment of the poet:
"'Mid pleasures and palaces though we may roam,
Be it ever so humble, there's no place like home." *
It has a strong hold upon the heart of the aged wayfarer and prattling child. The joyous youth hails it with
his heart's warmest attachment.  The weary traveller
anticipates its clustering joys, as often as his thoughts turn
to it in a far-off land. The exile consumes many tardy
hours in cherishing its pleasant memories.  The sailor
forgets it not upon the raging sea.  The soldier remem* Payne.




54              PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
bers it fondly on the tented field. In short, none are so
isolated in their feelings, or so abandoned to vice, as not
to experience, at times, the power of HOME over their
natures.
A distinguished writer says, " Home is a genuine Saxon
word; a word kindred to Saxon speech, but with an
import common to the race of man.  Perhaps there is no
other word in language that clusters within it so many
and so stirring meanings, that calls into play, and powerfully excites, so many feelings, so many faculties of our
being.' Home,'- say but the word, and the child that
was your merry guest begins to weep.' Home,'- play but
its tunes, and the bearded soldier, that blenched not in the
breach, droops and sickens, and dies.'Home,'- murmur
but its name, and memories start around it that put fire
into the brain, and affections that almost suffocate and
break the heart, and pictures that bewilder fancy with
scenes in which joy and sorrow wrestle with delicious strife
for possession of the spirit.' Home,'- what does it not
stand for, of strongest, most moving associations! — for
childhood's grief and gladness; for youth's sports, and
hopes, and sufferings, and passions, and sins; for all
that brightened or dimmed the eyes; for all that convulsed or tranquillized the breast; for a father's embrace,
or for his death-bed; for a mother's kiss, or for her grave;
for a sister's love, or a brother's friendship; for hours
wasted, or hours blest; for peace in the light of life, or
fears in the shadows of perdition. Home, when it is all
that nature and grace can make it, has a blessedness and




DEDICATION OF THE BRIDAL HOME.          55
beauty of reality that imagination, in its fairest pictures,
would find nothing to excel."
The same writer drops such honeyed words that I quote
again.  "The sentenced culprit, during even his last
night on earth, must sleep, and perchance may dream,
and seldom will that dream be all in the present and in
prison; not all of it, if any, will be of chains and blood,
of shapeless terrors, and pale-faced avengers, of the scaffold and the shroud.  Far other things will be in the
dream.  He once was honest, and spent his childhood, it
may be, in a rustic home, and grew  to youth amidst
laborious men, and with simple nature. Out of imagery
thus derived will his dream be formed. In such dreams
will be the green fields and wooded lane; the boat sleeping on the stream; the rock mirrored in the lake; the
shadow watched expectingly from  the school-room window, as it shortens to the noon-tide hour. Then there
will be parents blessed in their unbroken circle; there
will be young companions, laughing in their play; there
will be family-greetings, thanksgiving feasts; there will
be the grasp of friendship; there will be the kiss of love.
The dream will not be entirely, if at all, a dream of crime,
disgrace and death; it will be one that reproduces, on the
brink of eternity, the freshness of emotion, hope, and
desire, with which existence on earth began."
Remember, then, WEDDED PAIR, that you are to make a
HOME,- a sweet bower of peace and joy in this desert
world, where hope brightens, and love gathers its linked,
confiding circle; — a blissful retreat for jaded and weary
hearts when the busy world drives on its votaries in the




56             PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
train of Mammon and pampered self; -a safe and alluring shelter for yourselves amid the vicissitudes of life,
becoming more and more the abode of peace and love as
the world grows dark without, and never more blessed and
precious than when about to be exchanged for a brighter
home hereafter.
You are to make a HOME! Beware lest the beginning
of the enterprise germinate the seeds of discord. Let it
be dedicated to truth, virtue, religion, and to God. Let
the first sun that rises upon it behold whatsoever is lovely
and of good report.  As is the beginning so will be the
end.  The very first day, or week, that you spend in your
new residence may determine its future character. Begin
well here, and you will doubtless end well. On the other
hand, spurn all good advice, and enter your new home
regardless of your moral obligations, and of those truths
and duties indispensable to a happy family, and you may
confidently expect to reap a harvest of bitterness and sorrow.  Here have been sowed the seeds of almost every
matrimonial rupture that has occurred.  A false idea, a
wrong principle, an evil, and even a reckless determination, about duty and responsibility at this period of life,
has been followed, often, with a train of miseries too revolting to be described.
It is painful to behold the number of earthly homes
from which the last traces of virtue and happiness have
departed.  In the very morning of their existence, how
many become the abodes of harpy passions and godless
demeanor! As if there were no God to serve, and no
salvation to work out, how utterly devoid are many of




DEDICATION OF THE BRIDAL HOME.           57
everything that savors of religion! How many begin and
end their existence with no reference to human accountability, and the future world!
I repeat, DEDICATE YOUR BRIDAL HOME TO GOD. It will
have a character whether you choose or not.  Give it the
impress of religion, that its character may be pure, and
then all the influences which it puts in circulation will be
salutary.
Many seem strangely to infer that religion and domestic felicity are incompatible with each other, -that the
home of the Christian graces is devoid of that cheerfulness and pleasure, without which, life moves on amid darkling shadows.  Nothing can be more distant from  the
truth.  A single incident in the life of our Saviour is
replete with instruction upon this subject.  It is a fact
which has probably been read and discussed more than
almost any scene in his eventful history.
It was the wedding-scene in Cana of Galilee.  Christ
was an invited guest; and his presence alone, with what
he said and did, has given a distinction to that marriage
beyond the nuptials of the proudest kings and queens.
True, this marriage has a place on the sacred page in
order to record the beginning of the Saviour's miracles.
But then, if Christ began his miracles at a wedding, what
lesson may we derive from the fact? Surely this, - that
the gospel is friendly to matrimonial alliances, and exerts
its power to render them happy.
There was evidently design in beginning his miracles at
a marriage.  It was not mere accident.  He might have
commenced them elsewhere; and it were easy to suggest




58             PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
some reasons for beginning them at another time. But
he had a mission to perform at that time and place. So
he went to the wedding, - a cheerful guest, - and there
he converted water into wine.  He thus contributed to
the conviviality and enjoyment of the occasion. The act
proved that Christ was interested in human joys, and that.
his religion was not a foe to smiles and innocent delights.
It was not absolutely necessary that the water should be
converted into wine; the couple might have been married
without such a miracle, and the numerous guests might
have rejoiced as sincerely with the wedded pair. But,
regarding the customs of that age, we are forced to conclude that the wonderful act contributed to the enjoyment
of the occasion.
Is religion, then, a foe to connubial happiness?  Behold Christ rejoicing at a nuptial ceremony with those
who rejoice; as at the grave of Lazarus he wept with
those who wept; as if to declare that his feeling heart
could respond to emotions of joy, as well as to those of
sorrow; that, while he came to sympathize with, and
save man, a fallen, ruined, ungrateful sinner, he recognized him to be a social being, the necessary possessor of
hopes and joys, fragile as " things of air," yet all the more
precious for that! Yes, Christ did not always look upon
the dark side of humanity and this fleeting world when he
sojourned in the flesh.  He saw too much in the varied
relations of life that is precious, and which his holy religion might purify and transform into celestial worth and
beauty, to turn away from the view of human joys. And,
were he here in person to-day, he would rejoice with you




DEDICATION OF THE BRIDAL HOME.          59
in this life-alliance, and tell you how to live to render
your home happy.  Yea, he would cheerfully enter into
the minutiae of life's duties, and tell you what words to
utter, what precepts to cherish, what principles to maintain, how you ought to treat each other, and how you
should treat your friends; in short, he would exhibit the
deepest interest in all that pertains to domestic happiness.
And more, he would show, what has always been illustrated in the progress of his religion, that it not only
befriends the ties and enjoyments of married life, but
purifies and hallows them beyond all the devices and arts
of human wisdom and affection.
If such a view of Christ and his gospel were universally enjoyed it would produce a wonderful change at
marriage altars and in bridal homes! That popular
infidelity which lingers around the threshold of domestic
life would be dissipated, and all the false views and sentiments, relating to personal piety at the fireside, would be
exploded.  Now, judging from  observation, the belief is
quite common that the presence of Christ at a weddingscene would spoil the pleasure of the occasion. If he
were now sojourning with us, he would be the very last
invited guest in a majority of instances; and the knowledge of his expected presence would deter multitudes from
participating in the nuptial festivities. He would be the
last visitor whom many a bridal pair would desire to receive. They would expect to bid adieu to cheerfulness,
ease and comfort. Yet, the wedding party at Cana were
more indebted to Christ for the enjoyment of the occasion




60             PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
than to any other guest. The reader cannot fail to perceive this point of vital interest.
Away, then, wedded pair, with all such false conceptions of the gospel of Christ! Ponder the scene that we
have feebly portrayed until you are satisfied to welcome
Christ to your new residence as a Friend. Banish every
feeling and sentiment that does not honor religion, and, on
the first day that you tarry in the bridal home, dedicate it
to the Lord.
Among the religious provisions you make for your
home give the SABBATH a place.  It is truly the "pearl
of days."  Properly observed, its benign influence will
fall upon all other days of the week with a blessing.
There is no fact in providence more clearly observable
than this,-the blessing of God has rested upon those
who have remembered the Sabbath day to keep it holy.
Even if there were no hereafter for which to prepare, no
account to render at the bar of God, it comes ladened
with temporal good to every person.  Deprived of its
weekly visits you would part with a multitude of mercies
for which you now give the day no credit.  Your home
would be less a home, and your marriage less a marriage.
Many pastors observe to their grief that often those
who were constant in their attendance upon the means of
grace on the Sabbath, before their marriage, afterwards
are frequently missed from the congregation. For some
reason public worship seems to have less hold upon them.
They appear to attach less importance to the institution.
Whatever may be the reason of this change, it is certainly
a great delinquency. If two persons ever need a Sabbath




DEDICATION OF THE BRIDAL HOME.          61
for its hallowing and sanctifying influence, it is when they
dedicate their bridal home, and thus prepare the way for
a rising family. If they discard it, then nothing less than
the sovereign grace of God will ever lead them to ask for
its return.
Decide in the commencement, - WE WILL HAVE A SABBATH. Let it be a settled principle with you to visit the
sanctuary both parts of the day unless Divine Providence
hinders.  Never allow a trivial excuse to detain you.
Endeavor to realize that the habit has much to do with
the character of your home, as well as with your own
characters.  Yes, it certainly will leave its impress upon
your own characters.  You will be mutually better and
happier for it. Friends will love you more, and the favor
of God will rest upon you.
To test your own feelings upon this subject permit me
to present befbre you two couples, married about the same
time, and in similar circumstances in regard to worldly
possessions. The first entered upon the duties of domestic
life with as much reason to recognize God as any other
wedded pair.  Yet God was not in all their thoughts.
The Sabbath was to them, indeed, a rest from toil, but it
was devoted to pleasure. They did not go to the house
of God, nor look with approbation upon religious enterprises. Light, pernicious reading, magazines, newspapers,
and novels, occupied much of their time on this holy day.
Visitors were frequently received, and visits as frequently
made.  Rides and walks for pleasure were unscrupulously enjoyed. And thus the Sabbath was not only desecrated, but absolutely made a day of more frivolity and




62              PASTOR'S WEDDNG GIFT.
sin than any other day of the week. Nor is this an isolated case. There are multitudes of just such examples
even in the most enlightened and Christian communities.
The other couple (I remember them well, -strongly
attached to each other, and recognizing their accountability to God) dedicated their new home to Christ.  The
Sabbath was to them a day of religious services. Nothing
but the absolute intervention of Providence detained them
from the sanctuary. They were always seen in their seats,
and their very demeanor was evidence of their thoughtfulness and reverence for God. At home, the day was
sacredly kept. The Scriptures and religious books were
the only volumes perused; and, as they never thought of
visiting upon this day, so others never proposed to visit
them; and as for rides and walks for pleasure, the
thought of engaging in them was never indulged for a
moment.  I need not add that they were highly respected,
and that their influence was of the most marked and
salutary character.
The two pictures are before you.  They speak for
themselves.  Which is the more worthy of imitation,
which is the more lovely and beautiful, which is the more
compatible with the relations of immortal and accountable beings, your better judgment will readily decide.
Then, make the latter portrait your pattern and guide
in regard to the observance of the Sabbath.  All your
interests connubial, social, moral, temporal and eternal,
demand it. It will be better for you and your friends,
better for society and the world; for it will contribute




DEDICATION OF THE BRIDAL HOME.          63
essentially to the general cause of virtue. And it becomes
accountable beings to remember that
"The only amaranthine flower on earth
Is virtue; the only lasting treasure, truth." "
Your home will not be thoroughly furnished without
the BIBLE occupies a prominent place. It is impossible
to find a prosperous and happy home where the Bible is
not. Observation in any community will reveal the fact
that families are blest just in proportion to their regard
for the word of God. Even where it is nominally received
and exalted, but lies "a dead letter " upon the shelf, there
is found little or none of that moral thrift and beauty
which a sincere study of its truths is sure to beget.
The Bible, then, has a prominent claim  upon your
regard as a book of frequent reference and study. You
will need, at all times, its wholesome moral and religious
counsels. You will never find yourselves in circumstances
where you can safely abandon its guiding light. In prosperity it will prove a prudent and wise Telemachus, reminding you of the goodness of him who blesses you with
his bounties, and checking those desires and emotions that
are prone to run wild amid the smiles of worldly fortune.
You would highly value a book that might contain
important hints and lessons relating to your daily pursuit.
Men have their guides in the various trades and mechanic
arts, as well as in the matter of domestic economy.
Scarcely a wife thinks of pursuing her housekeeping
* Cowper.




64             PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
duties without a manual to instruct her in the culinary
art. But the moral and religious duties which you owe
to each other, and those around you, are infinitely more
important than all that pertains to mere secular and
domestic arrangements.  And here the Bible is presented
as a manual in the moral department of your home. No
other book is like it.  Among the countless number of
volumes that are thrown off from an over-burdened press.
from  year to year, it has no competitor.  It contains
lessons of wisdom for every relation of the family, and for
every circumstance and condition of married life. It has
lessons for the husband and wife, for parent and child.
No duty will arise in your matrimonial connection upon
which it will not shed light.  You can imagine no perplexing or afflictive scenes for which it is not competent
to instruct or console. And, with it in your hands, you
can never be excused for a breach of your plighted vow
on the ground that instruction is wanting.
And, yet more, unless Providence metes out an unusual
experience to you, the season of trial and sorrow will
come. Somewhere in the future there is doubtless a sad
hour, and a bitter cup for you.  Earthly ties are very
dear, and as frail as they are dear; and where they are
not sundered, their very existence is often necessarily
attended with great trials. For such an hour the Bible
is an indispensable counsellor. Its words of encouragement and solace are full and ample. In the death-hour,
especially, when the nuptial bonds, so dear beyond the
power of language to describe, are about to be broken, its
precious hopes and promises your sinking natures will




DEDICATION OF THE BRIDAL HOME.             65
require. 0, cherish it for that season, and your last
hours will be joyous and seraphic as those of sainted
worthies already passed to their reward!  Baxter exclaimed, in his expiring moments, " I am almost well! "
Owen raised his hand, and said to a friend, " 0, brother,
the long-looked-for day is come at last, in which I shall
see the glory of Christ in another manner than I have
ever yet done! " Evarts shouted, "Glory! Jesus reigns!"
and closed his eyes in death.  Payson exclaimed, in his
conflict with the last enemy, " The battle is fought! the
battle is fought! and the victory is won forever!" Indeed, I have just returned from the death-bed of a young
and excellent wife and mother, who said, as she lifted her
eyes to greet me, " I am  almost home! I am  almost
home! "
Cherish the Bible as fondly as did these departed
saints, and your home will be bright and joyous in the
darkest hour of sorrow, and your last end will be peace.
" Star of Eternity! the only star
By which the bark of man could navigate
The sea of life, and gain the shores of bliss
Securely! only star which rose on time,
And on its dark and troubled billows, still
As generation, drifting swiftly by,
Succeeded generation, threw a ray
Of heaven's own light, and to the hills of God,
The eternal hills, pointed the sinner's eye." *
In dedicating your bridal home to God, PRAYER iS indispensable. Morning and evening, at least, the incense of
* Pollok.
5




66              PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
grateful and loving hearts ought to ascend to God. It is
not only a great privilege, but it is more, - an imperative
DUTY.  God expects to be thus recognized as the " giver
of every good and perfect gift."  Your relations, as dependent beings, render the act peculiarly appropriate.
To live as a large majority of wedded couples do, with
scarcely any recognition of an overruling Providence, is
inconsistent with all our natural relations.
That prayer is attended with marked benefits to the
family, must be admitted without accumulated proof.
From its nature alone we should infer that it must have
a salutary influence upon all who engage in the exercise.
The husband, who sincerely brings his family to the throne
of grace in observance of this rite, must be a better husband; and his wife, sincerely uniting with him, must be a
better wife.  If they have children and domestics, the
influence upon them must be very marked and bencficial.
It must allay the heat of passion, soften the asperities of
temper, and regulate those desires, which, unrestrained,
introduce discord and misery into the household. It must
sweeten the disposition, cultivate amiability, and beget a
forgiving spirit, all of which is indispensable to a peaceful
home.
Dr. Alexander says, of this family rite, " Nothing tends
so directly to break a channel for right influences, as the
regular and faithful observance of domestic worship.  A
word fitly spoken, at such a time, is an apple of gold. A
psalm, rightly chosen, and sung with the spirit and understanding, may bear up all hearts to God.  A prayer,' in
the Holy Ghost,' though issuing from one who has not the




DEDICATION OF THE BRIDAL HOME.             67
lips of the eloquent, may go more deeply into the soul of
the prodigal son, or the careless neighbor, than all the
sermons of the year.  These are influences which are
undervalued, because they are not singly powerful, yet
when constant they are mighty; they drop as the rain,
and distil as the dew,'as the small rain upon the tender
herb, and as the showers upon the grass.' In the day of
judgment and revelation, it will perhaps appear, in the
case of many, that they have owed more in regard of individual piety to the operation of family religion, than to
any single class of causes."
Above all the considerations presented is another more
important.  Prayer has power with God.  His answering
mercies descend upon the faithful suppliant, and upon
those who are the subjects of his petitions. It is also a
relief and source of comfort amid the cares, doubts, anxieties, pains and sorrows of life.
" Prayer is the golden key that can open the wicket of Mercy;
Prayer is the slender nerve that moveth the muscles of Omnipotence.
Wherefore, pray, 0 creature, for many and great are thy wants:
Thy mind, thy conscience, and thy being, thy rights commend thee
unto prayer,
The cure of all cures, the grand panacea of all pains,
Doubt's destroyer, ruin's remedy, the antidote to all anxieties! "'
Perhaps, in answer to all that has been urged upon
your attention, you will say, " We are not religious; we
do not profess to be Christians." And what if you are
* Tupper.




68              PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
not the professed followers of Christ? The truths presented have a claim upon all mankind. It is the duty of
all, saints or sinners, to keep the Sabbath, cherish the
Bible, and maintain daily prayer. If any persons are not
prepared for these duties, by a consecration of themselves
to God, it is their duty to yield their hearts at once to
Christ, that they may be prepared to meet these obligations.  You may not be the avowed friends of Christ, but
ought you not to be? You may not have a heart to pray,
but ought you not to have such a heart? Then the path of
duty is plain; and that is the only path of wisdom and peace.
But, though you are not Christians, you doubtless desire to be moral, and lend your example and influence to
the common cause of virtue.  Even this cannot be done
without a Sabbath and Bible.  Trample upon the former,
and reject the latter, and you cannot be even moral.  So
that, after making all due allowance for speaking to you
in the foregoing as if you were the children of God, the
sentiments advanced are still, in the main, applicable to
yourselves.  You have a home, and you are obligated to
make it a happy home if possible. Hence, if the duties
discussed, relating to the Sabbath, Bible and prayer, are
essential to this end, I see not how you can elude the drift
of all that has been said.
If you practise upon the foregoing counsels, and thus
impart a religious character to your home, it will become
to you and yours as a "green sheltered islet amid the
great waves of an unquiet world."  Wherever religion is
allowed to diffuse itself, it purifies, and causes beauty and
loveliness to put forth as the first flowers of spring. It




DEDICATION OF THE BRIDAL HOME.          69
does not nip the sweet amiabilities and graces of loving
natures, as the early frost nips the blossoms of September,
but gradually unfolds their charms to the view of increasing admirers.  What is beautiful in the human heart
religion makes more beautiful; what is innocent and delightful it embalms, after adding essentially to its attractions.  Thus it may be with your bridal home.  Allow
the presence of this celestial messenger to hallow it, and
you will never regret the act to the day of your death.
To both of you, home should ever be the centre of
attraction; and a due regard to the truths and principles
discussed will surely make it so. Your aims, plans and
deeds, ought to point to this desirable object. It is the
sphere in which God evidently designs that you should
render yourselves useful, and contribute to the general
good of society.  I doubt if you, or any other persons,
can do so much for society by the more noisy and public
agencies of good, as you can in the family circle. Every
model home leaves its mark upon the world.  All the
influences emanating from it are of the most exalted and
salutary character. It sends forth good citizens to sustain
order and virtue. It is friendly to good government and
good institutions.  It contributes to the strength and
perpetuity of church and state. Hence, the most successful way for you to increase your usefulness may be to
make home the great centre of attraction.  Though duty
and business may necessarily demand the frequent absence
of the husband from it, yet, all the aims and enterprises
of life centring here, it will never lose its high place in
the affections.  Live for home.  Labor for home.  Plan




70              PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
for home. Next to supreme love to God, let its claims
lie upon your hearts.
Here it should be remarked that the peculiarities of
the present age are inimical to a model home. There is
much in society to wean the husband, especially, from this
little realm.  There is excitement and hurry in almost
every pursuit.  As another has said, "The former systems of regularity and stability are broken up, and the
people not only travel by steam, and send their thoughts
to their distant friends on the wings of the lightning, but
the whole routine of life is performed in the same hurried
manner.  The notions and habits of the past generation
are too staid and too slow to suit the fiery spirit of the
present day.  Men are not contented to grow rich, to
grow in wisdom, and scarcely in stature, but they must
jump from poverty into princely wealth, from a state of
ignorance into men of great learning, and from a child
in leading-strings into a full-grown man."  In such a
state of things home is likely to be more or less neglected,
and much of its wholesome and needful power is lost.
Also, there is connected with this state of things another development, viz., married couples appear to be
toiling, not for a present, but a future, ideal home. Multitudes are not at all satisfied with present materials for
making a happy home, and, indeed, many seem to enter
the marriage state under the conviction that their home
will not, and cannot be, what they desire until certain
anticipated objects are secured.  The home which they
possess at the commencement of wedded life is not such
an one as satisfies their desires; and they have no inten



DEDICATION OF THE BRIDAL HOME.          71
tion of being satisfied with it. More property, ampler
accommodations, additional style and luxury, these and
kindred things are expected before they can really set
about making a model home.  Scarcely any views can
be more destructive to matrimonial happiness than these.
If a couple cannot be satisfied with their home at the
beginning of married life, they probably never will be.
Something is wrong. They do not love home for the sake
of those who dwell therein, and this is enough to embitter
the whole of life.
Let me reiterate, bridal pair, these needful counsels.
Welcome Christ to your home. Let the gospel hallow it.
Make it the centre of hope and joy.  Live for it.  Be
content with the home that you now have, and not wait
for one you may never possess. A hovel may be a happy
home to those who truly love each other.
There is a brighter HOME than that of earth.  Eye
hath not seen, nor the heart of man conceived, the glories
which fill that blest abode.  It is the resort of happy,
holy spirits. It is loved for its own sake. No ransomed
soul anticipates a fairer mansion. There is no sickness
there.  Sorrow and weeping never invade the peaceful
circle. Its joys never cease. Its hopes never die. The
union is eternal.
MAY YOUR EARTHLY BE EXCHANGED AT DEATH FOR A
HEAVENLY HOME!
" 0, talk to me of heaven! I love
To hear about my home above;
For there doth many a loved one dwell
In light and joy ineffable.




72          DEDICATION OF THE BRIDAL HOME.
0, tell me how they shine and sing,
While every harp rings echoing,
And every glad and tearless eye
Beams like the bright sun gloriously!
Tell me of that victorious palm
Each hand in glory beareth;
Tell me of that celestial calm
Each face in glory weareth! "




LAST WORDS
WITH
THE BRIDAL PAIR.








IV.
LAST  WORDS WITH  THE  BRIDAL  PAIR.
BEFORE we close this interview, dear friends, let us
gather up the thoughts that cluster about the conclusion
of such an important subject.  You must be persuaded,
from the foregoing, that you have entered into no trifling
alliance.  You must feel that the most important act of
your lives is this which has united your destinies. And,
also, you can but know that your HEART-HOPES will be
realized or dashed, according as you discharge mutual
duties.  Now, these hopes are many and bright, and no
merciless decree of Jehovah dooms them  to disappointment.  If they perish with the flight of years, it will be
solely on account of failure on your part.  Some want
of fidelity will be the cause of the sad result.
HOPE is now the very life and soul of your felicity. It
is delightful to hope, and we are daily " hoping on, hoping
ever."
" Hidden, and deep, and never dry,
Or flowing or at rest,
A living spring of hope doth lie
In every human breast." *
* Mrs. Wells.




76              PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
But you must feel, after all that has been said, that
heart-hopes need to be tenderly cherished.  They should
be dealt with as angel-visitants, carefully entreating them,
lest they be put to flight.  Hopes dashed are as fruitful
of anguish as hopes realized are full of bliss. All great
blessings leave a deep void and bitter regrets when they
are sacrificed. Learn a valuable lesson from this.
Goldsmith penned the following beautiful lines:
" Aromatic plants bestow
No spicy fragrance while they grow;
But, crushed or trodden to the ground,
Diffuse their balmy sweets around."
Thus let it prove with your earthly hopes. May they
be so cherished and regarded as to "' diffuse their balmy
sweets " even when " crushed" by disappointment.
In the foregoing we have employed some familiar terms
that possess peculiar significance, and their meaning is not
fully appreciated.  They have a claim  upon your attention at this time.
" HELP-MEET."  If the full, rich meaning of this term
should be practically illustrated in your matrimonial life,
there would be such a bearing of each other's burdens as
hope only can depict.  You would be assistants to each
other in the highest import of the word.  "Help-meet! "
In joy and sorrow delighting to share the allotment with
each other! In toils and cares c6laborers together, working with one mind and heart for the same end! At all
times anticipating mutual wants, and cheerfully rendering
mutual aid! Shoulder to shoulder, heart with heart,
hand in hand, thus pursuing the devious path of life!




LAST WORDS WITH THE BRIDAL PAIR.          77
Ponder it, bridegroom! there is deep meaning in this
term  that drops so often from  "thoughtless tongues."
Your chosen wife is an assistant, not a doll, or mere
household servant and drudge. Your assistant in all the
"affairs" of home and business.  Thus it is with your
husband, bride! You have somewhat to do, and he was
given you to aid, — not to toil and accumulate wealth that
you may lounge on splendid tapestry.
" HELP-MEET!"  A  sympathizer, counsellor, monitor,
co-worker, armor-bearer, assistant.
"ONE!"  "They twain shall be one flesh."  In all
their hopes and interests to be identified with each other,
- duality in unity! Two in the material, yet one in the
unseen and spiritual! This is the great mystery of married life, - the doctrine of duality in unity, two in one.
It is also the great central truth of matrimony, around
which all others revolve, and without which they are
thrown into terrible disorder, and avail nothing.  In this
connection there is peculiar force in this little word,
" ONE."  Here it possesses a power of combining, uniting,
and almost transfusing, such as it has in no other relation.
When we consider what trifling occurrences have often
alienated husband and wife, it appears to be a more difficult and serious matter to be "one."  Alas, for the
deception of the human heart, and the frailty of human
nature! At this very point these two facts are developed
in the most humbling manner.
" ONE! "  It is the opposite of all unkindness and
jealousy, and the absence of even unloving thoughts and




78               PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
emotions. It is a blending of interests and purposes in
the great errand of life.  It is two currents of affection
running into each other,-two hearts "like kindred drops
mingling into one."
" One! "  No union can be more complete than this.
It is impossible for even imagination to conceive of a
relation more intimate.  And when we reflect that this
oneness of spirit once disturbed can never again be perfectly adjusted, it becomes a matter of transcendant
interest.
"If the love of the heart is blighted, it buddeth not again;
If that pleasant song is forgotten, it is to be learnt no more."
Often ask yourselves, Are we one?  As you go forth
from the hymeneal altar you may feel and know that you
are one. But, as weeks and months pass away, and cares
and perplexities multiply, let the inquiry frequently be
made, Are we one? Strive to realize the delightful and
yet serious meaning that is wrapped up in this little word.
Ever may the following lines be illustrated in your experience:
" Then come the wild weather, - come sleet or come snow, -
We will stand by each other, however it blow;
Oppression, and sickness, and sorrow and pain,
Shall be to our true love as links to the chain." *
From  this time you will go on learning each other's
characters.  As yet you are comparative strangers to
each other's weaknesses. During the period of courtship
there is little opportunity to learn what a person's real
* Longfellow.




LAST WORDS WITH THE BRIDAL PAIR.           79
virtues or frailties are. The parties usually appear in
their best trim as to manners and acquirements. Another
has said, "They put on false characters.  They assume
airs not their own.  They shine in borrowed plumes.
They practise every species of deception for the concealment of their real characters.  They study to appear
better than they are. They seek, by the adornments of
dress and gems, by the blandishments of art and manner,
by the allurement of smiles and honeyed words, by the
fascination of pleasure and scenes of excitement, to add
unreal, unpossessed charms to their persons and characters.  They appear in each other's society to be the
embodiment of goodness and sweetness, the personification
of lofty principle and holy love, when, in fact, they are
full of human weaknesses and frailties."
There is too much truth in the above remarks. And.
hence, it is generally the fact that both bride and bridegroom are imperfectly acquainted with each other.  At
any rate, they are not familiar with one another's frailties.
These have been so hidden by airs and blandishments as
not to be discovered. Not until the aim and art to please
are forgotten amid the stern realities of wedded life do
they begin to develop themselves.  In circumstances of
perplexity and trial there is a fine opportunity for their
disclosure. In the domestic circle, when familiarity has
reached its maximum, there is little or no restraint, and
the true character appears.  It is not till then that the
wedded parties usually know each other beyond a doubt.
Thus may it be with yourselves; and you do well to be
prepared for the revelations promised.  Come the dis



80              PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
closures will, sooner or later, and it is the part of wisdom
to make the best of them.  It will be too late then to
remedy the evil in another way than bearing with it.
The exercise of some of the graces before discussed will
then be required as the only remedial policy.
Realize that you will have need, if death does not
separate you for many years, of all the counsels contained
in this humble volume.  As you learn more and more of
each other, you will appreciate, with greater accuracy, the
mutual duties of the conjugal relation before discussed.
If you endeavor to please each other with as much
study and care as you did during your courtship, there is
little fear that your union will be unhappy, It is often
true, however, that when the parties enter the marriage
state they conclude it is no longer necessary to make this
effort. The bird is caught, and, bait or no bait, there is
no escape.  There is a fatal mistake here.  There is
greater need of this effort to please after than before
marriage.  More is depending upon it.  Yea, the happiness of the entire wedded life is determined by it. If the
husband is more studious to please any and everybody
else than his own wife, and she, also, is inclined to the
same error, farewell to all the joy and harmony of their
earthly home. But if the reverse is true, the angel of
peace will descend upon their habitation, and the buds
and blossoms of hope will spring up and smile in their
pathway.
Be wise, then, BRIDAL PAIR, and at the altar, where
your connubial bands are tied, ponder the duties of this
life-long relation! You cannot give them undue promi



LAST WORDS WITH THE BRIDAL PAIR.        81
nence. You cannot unduly magnify your mutual responsibilities. Remember what you have pledged yourselves to
do. Forget not your plighted vow. Walk together as
" one," till the hand of the great destroyer severs the tie
of life. Let memory, affection, hope, and confidence, all
be busy to hallow the alliance, and cause you and yours
to look back, from future years, with pleasure upon your
nuptial day. Live ye as one together in all that appertains to love and duty, and your early friendship will
grow  and mingle with advancing years, as two trees,
planted near each other, interlock their spreading branches
and blend their foliage with the flight of years.
Husband!-, Endearing name, this, which you have now
taken to yourself, and one that will sit gracefully upon
you, or not, according to your fidelity. It is easy to be
unfaithful in this new relation. You have only to be
unwatchful, and neglect to nurture the tender plant of
love, - to follow the promptings of passion and blind impulse, - and the work is done. But I warn you against
any approach to unfaithfulness. Crush not the heart of
your devoted wife by an unloving spirit and cruel words.
She is more sensitive than thyself. A deeper current of
feeling rushes through her soul. The blow, that would
scarcely make thee feel, will tear and lacerate her heart.
Her love, too, is more constant than thine, and more enduring. Look around you, for a moment, and behold what
devotion, on the part of wives, is manifested. See the
wife of the domestic tyrant, - a woman taken in her girlhood from the bosom of tenderness and affluence,- now
the recipient of all manner of unkindness and abuse; yet
6




82              PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
meekly demeaning herself under it all, though often
trembling  before storms of human wrath as a reed
shaken by the wind.  And still she loves on with an
affection that death only can quench. She clings to her
tyrant-spouse with the firmness of one in whose fidelity
is involved the matter of life or death.  Behold the
companion of the bloated inebriate amid trials of the
most oppressive character.  When strong drink has imbruted her husband, and well-nign obliterated the human
from his soul, see her still, the same devoted and affectionate partner, soothing him in moments of delirium with
honeyed words, and, at all times, laying herself, a living
sacrifice, upon the altar of love. Her lookers-on wonder
that she will longer live with such a wretch, throwing
away her happiness and life upon a worse than worthless
man.  But they mistake the nature of woman's love.
They forget that it is a part of her moral nature to be
faithful and true, even when religion seems almost to
sanction the opposite. She can never forget her first love
and plighted vow; and, hence, the wife of the inebriate
clings to him in poverty and distress.
" Alas! the love of woman!-it is known
To be a lovely and a fearful thing;
For all of theirs upon that die is thrown,
And, if't is lost, life hath no more to bring
To them, but mockeries of the past alone."
Ponder this, dear sir, whenever you are disposed to
violate the obligations imposed by the marriage contract.
In whatever else you may be superior to her, in love and




LAST WORDS WITH TfIE BRIDAL PAIR.         83
fidelity she is doubtless superior to thee. Neglect her,
scorn her, abuse her, and she will love thee still. Prove
unfaithful thyself, she will not follow thy example. She
is thy companion, -bosom  friend; never degrade her
below this high position.  "A Turk or a Hindoo would
feel himself insulted by any inquiry which implied that
he regarded his wife as a companion; that he ever consulted her on questions of duty, or stooped to converse
with her on important subjects.  But the Christian rite
of marriage brings together two persons as equals and
companions, to enjoy each other's society, and to be
mutual counsellors and co-workers. They have, certainly,
their separate spheres and duties, and no good can ever
come of their exchanging places; but this does not preclude an habitual comparison of views on all subjects of
common interest.  Many a man has been saved from disastrous speculations by listening to the suggestions of a
prudent wife."
While there are marked exceptions to all that has been
said of woman, you may rely upon it as true, in the main,
of female character.
Never suffer your reputation as husband to be tarnished
by the charge of unfaithfulness. Cherish your wife as
your " second self."  Discharge the various duties to
which your attention has been called with promptness, and
it will sweeten the cup of connubial joy. She is thy WIFE,
- COMPANION.  Love her; confide in her; be faithful to
the end.
Wife! A new and tender appellation, this, with which
you are now greeted. See that you prove yourself a wife




84              PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
in very truth; a sharer in the bliss or misery of wedded
life; a sympathizer and helper in all the privations, duties,
and changes of earthly existence. You have not entered
into this relation in order that you may flirt, and gad, and
live at ease. Because you have a husband your responsibilities are not diminished; they are rather increased.
Your new sphere brings with it new duties, -- duties that
demand something more than acquaintance with the fine
arts, and a taste for fashionable and refined circles.  In
the language of Hannah More, "Though the arts that
embellish life claim admiration, yet, when a man of sense
comes to marry, it is a companion he wants, and not an
artist. It is not merely a creature who can dress, and
paint, and sing; it is a being who can comfort and counsel
him; one who can reason, and reflect, and feel, and judge,
and act; one who can assist him in his affairs, soothe his
sorrows, lighten his cares, purify his joys, and educate
his children." This is wise counsel. Treasure it up in
your heart, for much depends upon yourself whether your
marriage shall prove a happy union. If possible, a wife
possesses the greater advantage to render wedded life
joyous, and-make a happy home. Her husband may not
be what she expected to find him, nor such a man as he
ought to be; still she can do much to lighten the vexations and trials that arise from his delinquencies, if, indeed, she may not be the happy instrument in making
him a better husband.
Act the part of a faithful, noble, trusting, devoted
woman.  Endeavor to be contented with your allotment.
Let no one excel yourself in fidelity. So live as wife that




LAST WORDS WITH THE BRIDAL PAIR.          85
it may be said of you in truth, " She openeth her mouth
with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth
not the bread of idleness.  Her children arise up and call
her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest
them all."
One thought more. How frail is the tie that unites
you, husband and wife, in the bands of wedlock! Present
health and hopes may promise a long and blissful union,
but an arrow from the quiver of death may dissipate in a
moment your sweetest joys.
" Leaves have their times to fall,
And flowers to wither at the north-wind's breath,
And stars to set,-but all,
Thou hast all seasons for thine own, 0 death!" *
To-day you may enjoy the fairest promise of life and
happiness; to-morrow one of you may weep and agonize
over the lifeless remains of the other. So uncertain are
earthly ties! So relentless is the great destroyer!
I remember one whom I married,- a bride in her joyous youth and beauty; -the bloom of health was upon
her cheek, and the strength of hope was in her heart. A
bride never stood at the altar of marriage with brighter
prospects of lengthened life and unmingled bliss. Ten
swift months passed away, and the fond husband stood
over her lifeless form, his disappointed heart almost bursting with grief at the sudden change.  She was dead.
Quickly as the tempest cuts down a rose of summer, death
* Mrs. Hemans.




86             PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
removed his victim.  Mysterious Providence! Strange
vicissitude! Surely life is a " vapor that appeareth for a
little while and then vanisheth away! "
I remember another,-a young and faithful husband.
It is only a single year since I married him to the lady
of his choice; but, now, where is he? A few days since
I performed the funeral rites at his burial. The blooming
wife pines in lonely widowhood, and says that the world
is dark. The bright vision that floated before her mind's
eye on the eve of her wedding has vanished as a dream,
and she sits lonely and sad, because the foot-fall of her
spouse, that was once music to her ear, is not heard in her
dwelling. In her sorrow she laments the uncertain tenure
of earthly bonds, and, as she goes about the streets, I can
read, upon her melancholy brow, the great burden of her
heart, " Lover and friend hast thou put far from me, and
mine acquaintance into darkness."
Learn from the above a useful lesson, and let it stimulate you to the discharge of mutual duties. No regrets
can be more painful than those which are experienced by
the faithless in those sacred bonds when death dissolves
the union.  To follow a companion to the grave, while
the soul is oppressed with the consciousness of neglecting
or wronging him or her, this must be a more bitter experience than the bereavement itself. When we linger by the
coffin or tomb of some beloved friend, memory is busy in
retracing the past, and recalling every word, and act, and
emotion, inconsistent with the relation that has subsisted
between us.  If possible, we would blot forever from the
past every record of injury and wrong which we have




LAST WORDS WITH THE BRIDAL PAIR.            87
inflicted, that, with hands washed in innocency, we may
weep over the stricken loved one. Doubly true is this of
unfaithfulness in the conjugal relation.
BE TRUE TO EACH OTHER,-LOVE MUCH,- LIVE JOYFULLY
TOGETHER, - BE FAITHFUL UNTO DEATH.
"To meet, to part, to smile,
To shed the frequent tear;
The hope to win, the joy to lose,This is our history here;
To find the rose, whose bloom
By no dark blight is riven,
To meet, and never more to part,
Is not of earth, but heaven."
MRS. SIGOURNEY.








POETRY.
I.
THE  SAINTED  BRIDE.
LOUD rang the welkin-dome at morn,
And swift as lightning-lance
The royal welcome, welcome flew
O'er hill and dale of France.
Around the bridal altar pressed
A nation's sparkling pride;
The changeful crimson came and went
As shadows o'er the bride;
The king he held, as if a pearl,
The marble hand of the royal girl.




90              PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
Strange contrast in the wedded pair!
The bride, in summer-bower,
Bloomed into youth, as suns unfold
The petals of a flower;
The bridegroom, from the throne of Kent,
Of proud old Saxon form,
Reared, like the Druid's mistletoe,'Neath clouds and sweeping storm;
Won by the magic power of love,
The eagle caught the gentle dove.
So stood the Saxon Ethelbert;
His costume marked his life;
Himself a pagan worshipperA saint his angel-wife.
Strange two such adverse hearts should meet
The wedded race to run!
Strange two opposing streams of life
Should mingle into one!
Had Bertha hope that she could bring
To cross of Christ the pagan king?




THE SAINTED BRIDE.               91
On roll the chariot-wheels of time
Beneath the royal smile!
No queen drank deeper draughts of bliss
On Britain's sunny isle.
Her orisons went up to God,
At morn and eventide;
His richest benison came down
In answer to the bride;
The Spirit left the throne to bring
Salvation to the Saxon king.




II.
THE   ADIEU.
MY pulse is running low, love,
The world is fading fast;
My eyes are growing dim, love,
And life will soon be past.
The king is at the door, love,
I hear his pleasant voice;
I'11 meet him with a smile, love,
It is his gracious choice.
Our voyage has been long, love,
O'er the stormy sea of life;
You've been a faithful spouse, love,
And I a happy wife.




THE ADIEU.                   93
Together we have bowed, love,
In sorrow's fiercest gale;
My soul has found thee true, love,
From the time of setting sail.
Now the Master calleth me, love,
You a little longer stay,
To toss a season yet, love,
On the dark and stormy way.
I'11 land ahead of thee, love,
On the bright and sunny shore;
But cheer thy doting heart, love,
Thy voyage soon is o'er.
Why fall the streaming tears, love?
Thou art ever kind and true;
And tell me, ere I go, love,
Have I not been to you?
Our parting will be short, love,
How swift the moments fly!
Our joy will be higher, love,
In mansions in the sky.




09~4 ~      PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
I see the haven bright, love,
And angel-spirits wait,
To give me cordial welcome, love,
At the fair and pearly gate.
0, ask me not to stay, love,
On this rough and rolling main!
I see the land of glory, love,
And there we'11 meet again.
My heart still clings to thee, love,
In plighted faith, and true;
We'11 meet on Canaan's shore, love,
Till then, till then,-adieu!




III.
TWO  HEARTS  ONE.
As rivers from the hills unite,
And to the ocean run;
So life presents the cheerful sight,
Two loving hearts in ONE.
Two toiling hands, - two speaking eyes,Two treasures to be won;
Two souls to fashion for the skies,And yet the two hearts ONE.
One - in the common aims of life;
One - in the glowing hope to live;
One -in the tug of mortal strife;
One -in all that earth can give.




96             PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
One - for the hour of hope at hand;
One - for the trial-scene;
One -for every clime and land;
One - for the grave, I ween.
One - in the bonds of love sincere,
That joy nor woe can sever;
One -in the plighted vow, so dear
That time can blot it- never.
Strange, mystic power! love's power to bless
The wedded moments while they run;
And, as the life-sands number less,
Still keep the two hearts ONE.




IV.
THE  BACHELOR'S SOLILOQUY.'T is said I'm neither loving nor wise
To travel alone the journey of life;
I ne'er shall know the sweetest of ties,
It I take not a woman to wife:They do not see the bliss of my heart;
Within it there dwells not a sigh;
Of pleasure I take a generous part;
A happy old bachelor, I!
" I can go and return as I please,
And be out' fair weather or foul,'
Live, in summer and winter, at ease,
Without meeting a womanly scowl; —
7




98             PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
I am tied to no quarter of earth;
My comforts are neither dying nor dead;
I have no cares to stifle my mirth,
And no children crying for bread.
"When I've a surplus dollar in hand,
I merrily use the treasure alone,
Nor have to cut with a family-band
Of a dozen or more of my own:
Alas! for the man with a hungering brood,
With opening mouths, hot weather and cold;
He needs to increase his portion of food,
Like the loaves and fishes of old.
"I cozily sleep in my dormitory,
Though it scarcely measures eight by ten,
And lies,'t is true, in the second story;
So even sleep some Congress men; —
But cheerily look! no cradle's there;
From the trundling-bed a kind release!
And a richer treat,    no baby fair
With tiniest cry disturbs the peace.




THE BACHELOR'S SOLILOQUY.           99
"I pity the men who toil and sweat,
In slavery lead such hapless lives,
To garnish a home, and keep in debt
And doing it all to please their wives.
How servile are they! How free am I!
I bless my stars with exulting breast,
I never have known a nuptial sigh,
Nor yielded part of my cozy nest.
"'T is sure a lottery after all,
This choosing a partner, young and gay;
Some husband a prize exceeding small,
And some, they carry a blank away; —
I'll never be burned for folly here,
Nor thorned within this nuptial thicket;
When the girls are all they seem to be,
I'11 try, perhaps, a single ticket.
"There's Blaney, the clerk, so neat and trim,
No' mother's son' is truer than he;
But his wife's a' thorn in the flesh' to him,
Yea - Xantippe the Second, is she.




100             PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
He's driven about from' pillar to post,'
And really has no comfort of life;
Frolic and fun were ever his boast,
Till he married a troublesome wife.
"And Jerold, the rich, -so people say,With his princely mansion, coach and four,
Scarce ever enjoyed a genial day
Behind his front mahogany door.
Whether true or not, -'t is certain that strife
Survived his death and family cares:
For he left behind a scolding wife,
And a parcel of quarrelling heirs.
"E'en Paley, the parson, -  a good man too, -
I love to hear his sonorous voice, 
Has cursed the day, if report be true,
That ever he made so bad a choice.'T is said, - I would not utter it loud,
His fame is pure as the dew of Hermon,One day his wife, both fiery and proud,
Burned up in wrath a new-made sermon.




TIE BACHELOR'S SOLILOQUT.           101
"No! no! I will not, cannot wed,
When wedlock brings such pains and sighing;
If friends could bear it, living and dead,
One half the husbands would be crying.
No! no! I'm chary of' number one;'
My purse and joy I'm bent on keeping,
When into the snare you see me run,
You'11 catch, forsooth,' a weasel sleeping.'"
So saying, he curled his haughty lip
With a look quite sophomoric,
And, then, the following words let slip,
With an air of the bacheloric:
"No! no! for me no woman shall try
The cup of wedded joy to mingle;
Let others do as they may, - but I
Will take my blessedness single."
Cool Reason saw with a piercing eye,
Indignant bit his quivering lip,
And, letting the lash of invective fly,
Upon the bachelor laid his whip:



102             PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
"Dare thou, O man! for pleasure and pelf,
So niggardly scorn the marriage vow?'T would shame good mother Eve herself,
If half of her sons were small as thou.
"Go to, and flatter your loveless soul;
Crawl into your shell, as turtle quite;
Think of the fox, who formerly stole
Into the vineyard of clusters bright;
If ever allured by the ripening fruit,
All clustering o'er the nuptial bower,
Perhaps some blasted hope't will suit
To murmur the cry,' the grapes are sour!'




V.
LIFE'S VOYAGE.
OuR life is a voyage with hardships to brave,
From its dawn in the cradle to its end in the grave;
Each breath of our being is driving us on,
As swift on the billows as others have gone;
The port we are making, whether stormy or fair,
For swift we are sailing, and soon shall be there.
Now fortune is coming her pledges to bring,
As sweetly and gayly as queen of the spring;
Now sorrows invade as a storm in the sky,
And hope in the bud is stricken to die;
So changeful the weather of life as we sail, 
Now stilled by the calm, —then tossed by the gale.




104             PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
To-day we discover a bark sailing fair,
And the merry crew singing, " We soon shall be there; 
To-morrow the drama puts on a new dress;
There floats from the mast the flag of distress,
With the current of life, all flowing and warm,
The brothers, ill-fated, go down in the storm.
Then let us look up to our God, and implore
That his Spirit may waft us safe to the shore;
That breezes propitious his mercy may send,
As when we first cleared, till the passage shall end;
We're bound for a haven of bliss or despair,
On, on we are sailing, - and soon shall be there.




V I.
LOVE.
LOVE kindles in the speaking eye,
As light illumes the morning sky;
Now beaming forth in sunny smile,
As if a fairy's pleasant wile;
Then flashing through a silent tear,
As diamond in a fountain clear.
It rules within the heart's domain,
Though every hope of fortune wane;
Sways thought and feeling, hope and will,
From torrent-rush to gentle rill;
Exalts to pleasures, pure and bright,
Nor glooms the heart in sorrow's night.




106             PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
It nestles in the cradle there,
To bless the child with flaxen hair;
To middle life imparts a ray
Of light to gild each passing day;
Nor leaves to bitter sighs and tears
The old man's heart of eighty years.
It fairest shines in bridal bower,
When merry flies the fleeting hour,
And chosen partners, groom and bride,
As two trees planted side by side,
Unite to breast the gales that sweep
O'er life-paths where the single weep.
Woe quenches not the kindled flame;
Time hastens on,'t is still the same;
Change dashes hopes and castles fair,
And still the flame is burning there;
Nor dies, - though fanned by care nor art,
Till death seals up the throbbing heart.




V I I.
HOPE.
HOPE guides our little bark so frail;
On refluent tide she trims the sail;
And points us to her luring star,
More bright than lustrous diamonds are.
Hope cheers when darkness veils the hour;
When storms of sorrow rudely lower,
Her bow of promise arches high
The veiling cloud upon the sky.
Hope never yields her throne of power,
In youth or age, in field or bower;
But doth her golden sceptre wave,
On from the cradle to the grave.




1C8            PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
In palace-hall, and lowly cot,
In foreign clime, and natal spot,
In bridal home, and parting scene,
Hope lures to islet ever green.
Hope lives in death; prepared to die,
She bears us to the peaceful sky,
To strike our harps in mansions fair,
And take our crowns of glory there.




VIII.
BROKEN TIES.
Is there a clime where kindred dear
Can wipe their weeping eyes?
A land where drops no farewell tear
O'er parting life, and loved one's bier,
All free from broken ties?
Earth cannot boast a clime so fair,
To lure the grieving soul;
Let love the sweetest bower prepare, 
Sorrow and death will enter there,
And break the "golden bowl."
The bird that doth the sweetest lay
From tree or forest pour;




110             PASTOR'S WEDDING GIFT.
The fairest flower that blooms in May,
And dearest friends, will pass away,
And be to us no more.
Love twines her tendrils, - winning art! -
With soft and flexile rings,
Around the earthly idol's heart; —
Death from his quiver hurls a dart,
And snaps the slender things.
The tearful group, the tolling bell,
The friend that stricken lies,
The sighs from bleeding hearts that swell,
The coffin, bier and grave, - all tell
A tale of broken ties.
E'en hope like thine, fond, bridal pair!
That cheers the loving heart,
Will vanish as a thing of air,
When death's resistless fingers tear
The " silver cords " apart.




BROKEN TIES.                  111
But one blest land is free from woe;
" Land ever bright and fair!"
Rivers of pleasure through it flow,
And fragrant breezes o'er it blow, 
No ties are broken there.
Sweet solace on this changeful shore,
When earthly bonds are riven; —
There is a land where tears are o'er,
And sighs and partings are no more;No broken ties in heaven.