THE POLLY AND COST OF DIPLOMACY'.
SPEECH
OF
OF      1
IN TIlE
HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES,
iA.AY  16, S8 74..
"I am out of humanity's reach,
I must finish my journey alone;
N-ever hear the sweet music of speech,
I start at the sound of my own."
Supposed verses of Selkirkc, by Cozoper.
"The ocean which environs is is an emblem of our diplomacy,
and the pilot and the minister are in similar circumstances.
It seldom happens that either of them can steer a direct
course, and they frequently arrive at their port by means which
seem to carry them from it.' —Lord Bolingbroke.
WASHINGTON:
1874.








S P E E C I-t
OF
HO N. S. S. COX.
Mr. COX. Mr. Chairmal, I am well aware of the generosity and
courtesy of my friend from Maryland who introduces this bill. It is
a diplomatic arrangement, by which so eminent a democrat becomes
its reputed father.  There is no man in the House who can make a
more graceful and dignified kow-tow before thile head of the State
Department and at the same time maintain his influence in this House.
But, sir, I must be allowed to dissent from him on this matter.
The total amount appropriate;l by this bill is $3,347,304. There are
amendments from my committee (Foreign Affairs) which would add
$57,000 in one item; to say nothing of the increase incident to an
adoption of the consular amendment. The bill will be over three and
a half millions. Deducting the allowed claims of British subjects,
which amount to $1,929,819, there is an excess of the appropriations
of last'year of over $150,000. Certainly the mysterious Brazilizn item
of,$57,000 will be, must be, explained when we come to it in order.
INCIREASE OF DI'PLOMIATIC APPROPRIATIONS.
It would be proper for me as a member of the opposition in challenllging this bill to inquire why there has been such an increase in
these appropriations fromlyear to year. The reason of such an inquiry
will be apparent when I say that whereas less. than $1,000,000 very
recently, sufficed for our foreign service, now we more than treble
that sum.! These itelms taken from the statutes are pertinent to my
discussion:
Our diplomatic andl consular expenses for the year ending June 30,
1859, were only $912,120; for the year ending June 30, 1860, they were
$1,047,745; for the year ending June 30,1861, they were $1,158,380; for
the year ending June 30,1862, they were $1,260,544.34; for the year ending June 30, 1863,they were $1,235,889.89; for the year ending June 30,
1864, they were $1,260,544.34; for the year ending June 30, 1865, they
were $1,354,100; fortheyear ending June 30),1870,they were $1,110,734;
for the yeanr ending June 30, 1871, they were $1,041,347. And now for
this year, 1874, it bounds, like an India-rubber ball, high up to nearly
three and a, half millions!
I am sure that no one will claim special credit for the Department
of State for the thorough thrashing we received in this city, from, the
British mixed commission award. We receive nothing, but we pay
$1,929,819. The big bragging as to the Washington treaty requires
much qualification when in the light of this item we consider how
that treaty thundered its merits in the'index and still rumbles in the
air! After the extraordinary eulogy upon the State Department by
the gentleman from Maryland, [Mr. SWANN,] I have been compelled




4
to show the expenditures for other years —what our diplomacy used to
cost, and how it has gradually grown.
THE SAVING SPIRIT.
By the platforms of all parties, we are reformers in matters of
economy. All reforms at'this time gladden the people. Every effort
for economy calls forth their gratitude. Much commendation follows those who practice the saving spirit.  Not a sigh would escape if half our ministers abroad, with their inordinate salaries and
platitudinous dispatches, were abolished.
When one's household expenses overrun the income, is it not wiseto stop gratuities to our relations outside of the household?  Surely,
we must be just before we are generous. Especially should we be
just when there is little consideration received for the generosity.
My colleague [Mr. ELLIS H. IROBE3TS ] proposed the other day to suspend the rules with reference to this bill so as to change the title of
the representatives of the United States to Portugal, Switzerland,
Greece, Belgium, the Netherlands, Denmark, Sweden, Norway, and
Turkey. He desired that these ministers should be envoys extraordinary and ministers plenipotentiary. He did not require increase of
pay. O, no. This increase of p)sedo-dignity dcoes not mean an increase of salary, neither in esse nor in fitrl'o. The House did not agree
to his proposition. My friend from Indiana, [Mr. HOLaLAN,] always
vigilant, said it looked toward an increase of salaries, if not in this
Congress then in the next. And he intimatecl what I have often lurged,
and sometimes with success, that we might have consular or comimercial agents in the place of many of these useless ministers.
IERGING AND DIS-MISSAL OF MINISTERS.
As to many of these ministers named by my collea-gue, we might so
combine their functions as to make one officer serve for many at, a decreased cost to the Governmlent. It is inconsequential whether we
have any minister at Portugal or Switzerland. Certdainly the minister
at Constantinople might do the work also for Greece. Belgium might
wvell be united with the Netherlanlds; and the Scalldiavian countries,
Sweden, Norway, and Denlmark, should be merged in one embassy.
Telegraph, steam, with their prompt communications; newspaper
enterprise ever in advance of diplomatic dispatch; these and. other
elements of progress, have rendered ministers abroad trifling, expensive, and useless for every purpose of national comity, interest, or
glory.
In this connection it might be well for me to saly that the dismissal
of many of our ministers abroad is no new thought. I-t is certainly not
novel even to the English Legislature. May I be pardoned for'referring to a debate in this House, in which I took some part?
On the 20th of February, 1872, in urging the union of the Central
American missions, which carried, I said that "there were forty-five
or fifty thousand dollars that could be saved without at all embarrassing the diplomatic service. I do not know but the nonsense,
extravaogance, and inutility of our diplomatic service is bringing us
to the point to which the English government has been and is approaching. I mean the abolition of the whole diplomatic service.
The Hansard Debates will show that in this age of steam  alnd telegraphs, the English government, wvhich rules the world of commerce,
is considering how it may be ridl of diplomatic business. It would
have mere commercial agencies, or consuls, or special missions for the
accomplishment of special purposes."  (Globe, volume 88, page 1146.).
There has been no disadvantafge to our country by reason of the'




merging of the Central American missions. It saved some $50,000,
and it'did no harm.
When we consider how distant our ministers are when they serve
us, and therefore how irresponsible they become; how frivolous is
their work and subservient and unrepublican their tone and habits,
it is a shame to continue them, and it would be economy to dismiss
them. If we had fewer irresponsible functionaries, local and foreign,
we might better our interests and our position as a nation.
FOREIGN EXPERIENCES.
This idea of dispensing with foreign embassadors and, as I said in
1872, of remitting their business to commercial and consular agents,
has been suggested not only by the progress. of our age in international and material matters, but as the most amicable mode of
closing complicated questions that might lead to war. Need I refer
to special embassies? Need I refer to those of a commercial character, as that between France and England, when Cobden and Chevalier made the tariffs of two neighboring nations? Need I refer to
the general congresses of'European powers? Is it necessary to remind the House of the Ashburton treaty, or of the recent Washington treaty, as to which     ch so  ucsenseless eulogy has been pronounced?
I venture to say that wherever there is a disagreeable complication
that has in it a'possible cases belli, there is likely to be a special commission to settle the vexed questions. The settlement of our northeastern as well as our northwestern boundary are evidences of this
statement. In the English Parliament some of their wisest men. have
anticipated this advancement in the line of diplomatic obsoleteness.
It has been proposed to disband the useless diplomatic retinue, and
no1t without reason.
In 1870 Mr. Beanluont, in Parliament, said:
If the whole system of diplomacy were (done away with, and we had no permaneait representatives in WTestern Europe, our peaceable relations'with continental
powers would suffer no interruption, and our commercial interests would be as well
looked after as they are now. —lansard, 199, page 550.
In 1860, speaking in Parliament, Mr. Labouchere said:
There were a great many legations which with great advantage might be suppressed.
The Netherlands and Switzerland were instanced by him. He said
further:
lHe. had been at a great many of those fmissions; he knew what was done in them;
and he could assure the House that it was absolutely nothing. It was supposed that'
a minister did a great deal of good by asking important personages to dinner. * *
Hte had asked a friend of his, who was minister at one of those legations, one time
what he was doing; and the reply, "Doing? What do you think is to be done
in such a place as this."-lHansarcl, 192, page 930.
If this be true as to Great Britain, which commands the commerce
of the world, whose ministers and consulates, and whose gun and
flag follow the sun in its revolution, then a fortiori it might be true
of this country, which is so crippled in commerce and so limited in
continental area and influence.  More especially should it be true
with reference to a country which does not or should not make its
salaam before the kings and kaisers of the world, andwhich should not
beg the favor which it cannot grant without humiliation.
It is no agreeable duty to refer to our retrogression in shipping and
commerce. We know how we have lost and who does our work of
transportation.  We know how  Great Britain has grown while we
have lost. The relation which Great Britain bears to commerce for
these periods I have before me in Palgrave's Notes on Banking, page.50. The imports and exports in 1819 are. only ~69,000,000 sterling;




in 184/4, ~144,000,000; in 1872, ~603,000,000. The growvth of France(
in spite of wars has been equally conspicuous. Compare our conmuerce, tnd the diplomatic expense which is supposed to be spent to
foster and guard it! Then if you are content with your calculation,
vote this and similar bills.
TIE UTILITY O OF OUR  INISTERIS ABRIOAD.'Mr. Speakller, it is far fromr  my plrpose to dilate on tle:mannler or
character of appointments ablroad; whether they be appointed for
their intellectual or moral qualifications or for favor. The remark
of Mr. Labouchere in Parliament adds fresh meaning applied to our
appointees. It is perfectly well understood that ii such affairs "kissing goes by favor."  The favorites of the White House, or of the
Department, or of Members and Senators, are the successful ones who
see the world at the public expense. Political or partisan service
thus hath its reward. An incompetent or unfragrant Cabinet officer,
a defeated or pass& Congressmtan,   a vociferous stumper, or a potential
editor, is the lucky man, regardless of his knowledge of foreign languages, of statistics, jurisprudence, or' international law and customs.
They do little harm, only because there are no opportunities; indeed,
there is no opportunity for good either. A perusal of the volumes of
our diplomatic correspondence (Executive Document No. 1, parts 1 and
3, of this Congress) will show the multifarious character of our embassadorial inutilities. One man writes home to glorify our arbitration with Great Britain, and another sends a package of public documents which the newspapers all have in advance.
The Austrian minister peddles scandal inl dispatches against a Vienna commissioner, whom thle President sends afterward to Japan
and whom the Senate confirms. It is very gratifying to know from
Brazil that the "Emperor is better, but cannot walk out yet;" to
hear from  Chili that Mr. Root, the minister, noticed an enormous
whale disporting himself one morning near the tail end of this hemisphere, (page 111;) also that our " beloved President has endeared himself by recognizing our wild Indian as a brother man," (pate 113;)
that the Patagonialns believe in two roads after death, one to the goood
and the other to the bad, preferring that, to our religion. But why
go over this voluminous correspondence? Much of it shows that our
diplomats are not drones, as they work busily-at nothing. They have
little or nothing of that. employment which consists in making valuable treaties, or in that mystical equivocation which has made diplomacy the synonym of hypocrisy.  It is only Mr. Bancroft, or sonLe
other minister, who in making treaties has gained for us the unenviable notoriety of nunmaking citizens.
Besides, how few of our ministers really do the commercial work for
what they claim and obtain credit. We vote $10,000, say, to send a
minister to Paraguay. He never goes into Uruguay as is expected;
but comes home to the stump, leaving a petty consul at lMontevideo
to do the wbrk, while he ilnflicts on us at home his rhetoric and his
consequence.
As this is a bill with some pretense-in the way of economy, it might
be well to compare our system of diplomatic economy with that of
other nations. The State Department made its estimates for $3,688,524.
This includes the printing of the "  Diplomatic Correspondence" and
"; Commercial Relations."  If we compare our economy with that of
Great Britain, which has perhaps fourfold our relations with the
world, commercial and otherwise, we find that we are the most extravagant of people with respect to our diplomacy.
The English estimhates I find for 1873-'74 were ~526,148-over




7
$2,500,000. The French appropriations are about thle same as that of
Great Britain.
As to France, I refer to the Baullet ii des Lois for 187:2, the most convenient authority, which shows that all the expenses of foreign affairs,
including that of the department itself, amounted to only 11,883,500
francs, or nearly $2,400,000. And this law, unlike most of our laws,
gives a detail of the expenses in a sort of exhibit. The great body
of this expense was for the regular appropriations and the rest for
what is called "p deenses variiables."  This last is what we call a;c contingent fund."  Yet France, with all its continental relations and its
traditionary relations, its necessity for keeping the peace amid continental foes, its complications as a propagandist through Europe
and the world, and Engla.nd, with all its extraordinary expenises, as
the first and monopolizing commercial power, have an almost contemptibly cheap diplomatic system compared with ours!
How lmuch more efficient they are than we. Where is our flag,
(unless backed by other powers,) from the tropics to the poles, from
the orient to the occident? Who gives heed to our claim for an outrage on our citizens or our flagl?  Who ggave glory to Sanitiago? I do
not say our ministers are worse trained, because they are politicians
and partisans, than those of Franceor gEigland. I scorll to refer to
the traffic and professional. work w —hich our minis-ters abroad are accu'stomed to do.
I will not comlment on the neutrality appropriation of $20,000 in the
body of this bill. That bears its own comment.  I have said so Imuch
on that and kindred topics, that sollle one miglit believe in this rude
era that I was interestecdin sometling beyon d the honor of mly country.
Let us come down to something that will illustrate the wonderful
utility of our diplomacy, for which we are asked three and a half millions. May I refer to the public documents now before the House to
show how these millions are expended? May I contrast what they
give us abroad?  -lMow timidly do our ships creep over the sea and
wheedle and coax their way into ports; and how iglnobly our citizens
are thrust into prison, without redress and without reclamation.
What, sir, is the value of our diplomacy to this land? Consider the
way in which Mexico plays with us about our claims and the claimts
commission, breaking the treaty at pleasure.
Turn over those silly essays known as our diplomatic correspondence. Will our colored brothers look at Liberiat first? It costs theim
something to keep up such wasteful officials. They. pay for it when
they buy a woolen suit or a hoe! What wonderful profundity is
contained in the dispatches of our minister at that point! He has
$4,000 per annlum for his stuff. His confidential dispatches inform
us that he has discovered by consultation that the coffee-tree is from
six to seven years in attaining a mature growth.  Goodness! A1ny
encyclopedia tells us that. He does not know it even from personal'i
inspection.
As a sample of the South America missions —that asylum of decayedl
and exiled patriots, go to Ecuador, where some man by the name of
Rumsey Wing flies his embassadorial kite. He-I writes froml Quito
the day after the Fourth of July last-I hope it is because he celebrated the Fourth.  [Laughter.]
QUITO, July 5.
IAMI. FIsIH:
I have the pleasure to report to you, sir, that our 1national allnivers"ary, sir, wfas
generally observed, sir, in this city, sir. [Lauglhter.] I incelose dispatch., &c.,  UMSEY WINGo




8
Incllding exchang.e and contingencies Rumsey Wing's salary is
$8,747 total, as per financial report for 1873, page 23. What a consideration for sich information!  Members will perhaps have observed a voluminous correspondence from a minister at Santiago by
the name of Root. He is a doctor. Being thoroughly vaccinated he
managed to catch the small-pox, got well easily, and turned his sanitary condition into the State Department.  Although the press of
Chili intimated that Mr. Root is radically wrong in intermeddling in
their hospitals, yet I always forgive the physician when he has something to propose for the human race, especially in South America;
for it is a sickly continent.  In writing to Mr. Fish, he says that he
performed the following remarkable marvel:
"I daily medicate great numbers by proxy." " My system of treatment is a great;
success." "The grand idea is to destroy the poison." "A new street has been
named after me here." [Laughter.] "I generally prefer an enema rather than a
purge; a favorite one is composed of oil of turpentine," &c. "In case of constipation, lemonade or other acidulated drinks." "I forward to the Department directions for a p.urge."  [Laughter.] "When an alcoholic stimulant is indicated it
should be oll6 with as litle acid as possible."
This gentleman has been considered the most remarkable plague in
South America,. Yet we pay for his performances, salary, exchange,
and contingencies, over $11,000!,
It would be impertinent for me to refer to a minister like Jay. IIe
bad an ancestor.  He is very much like the bird of his name, inl
plumage and jabbering. His fume and fussiness in the Vienna matter is a simple scandal to our time and country. Let me skip these
sedate, uliformed flunzkeys of our ministerial system.
We come down to
ROMANrTIC APrrPOITEIS.
This bihings uS to my friend Cololel Steinberger, and his report of
the South Sea Islands. He is not a religious rover like Dr. Newman.
IELanhlter. ] I think nobody will suspect him of being particularly
pious. He is a scientist, a man of observation, rhetoric, and enterprise.
In all that I say I meanto support lhimn as the proper candidate for
the governorship of the distanlt islands which he has surveyed. He
is suddenly called from  his duties at Washington to the South Seca;
why, no one can guess.
We are told by Shakespeare thatOn such a full sea are we now a:onat;
And we must take the current when it serv es,
Or lose oir ventures.
I suppose that on this authority the colonel sails to the sou1th pole.
As Great Britain is now annexing the Friendly Isles, must we be
idle? Why may we not seek for the Navigator's Isles? Thus our old
jealousies are aroused.
A NEW SOUTH SEA BUBBLE.
WVell, sir, my interest in these South Sea Isles does not come out of
the bubbles of history which the English missionaries and John Law.blew in the last century.  It has a gentler fountain.  I once knew a
girl whom  I traveled with in Africa, from  the Grisons in Switzerland, who told me her grandmother had a lover along with Captain
Cook in the good ship Endeavor, and was eaten in the Friendly
Islands by the.gentle savage! Hence my absorbing and romantic
interest in those lands.  [Laughter.]
But, Mr. Speaker, while I may have ideas inconsistent with those,of my honorable friend [Mr. SWANN] as to the utility of the nlissions proposed by this bill, I think, as an old traveler into every conU:inent, I ought not to object to the roving agents of the Department




of State. The difference bet ween them and myself is that I traveled
at my own expense, and published my books at my own risk. Now,
we have and vote a contingent fund. " Contingent" means depending on chance, i. e., wherever there is a good chance to help a good
gentleman of the church, like Dr. Newman, or a che'valir d' industric,
like Dr. Steinberger, we do it! Rev. Dr. Newman's observations are
yet to be published. That good Methodist is now examining the
Chinese wall for economical and architectural purposes. He will then.
skip over to the isle of Spitzbergen and describe the remarkable breed
of dogs there, [langhter;] then flop into the equatorial regions,
whereChinmborazo stands sublimie.
A. land-mark on the sea of Time. [Laughter,]
Before the interest of his exploration inundates the moral and piotus
mind, let us take a glance at Colonel Steinberger. This gentleman was
sent to the Samoan, or the Navigator's Isles. His report is Executive
Document No. 45, Forty-third Congress, first session. Our committee
has a recommendation based on his report for a commissioner to be
appointed, with a good salary, to those isles. This is done with a viewto a protectorate or annexation. Its,1iscussion, therefore, involvgs his
report, and gives it an emphasis not belonging wholly to science or
journeying. We must vote onit. The "contingent" fundis at stake.
In this is involved its proper use. The hardy granger and laborious
artisan, the drowned-out planter and the honest miner, desire to know
that their money has been well invested in the South Sea. In other
w-ords, let us observe the prisms of this new South Sea bubble.
For myself, I have borne my share of the expenditure with joy. It
is not much. My share is about one-ninetieth part of a mill. Especially is this interesting in view of the fact that Englanld has just
annexed the Feejee Islands in that quarter of the globe, and appointed Captain Grover, an Ashantee hero, as its ruler.
WHEIIIE ARE TNIE SAMlOAN ISLE-s?
Where, then, are these isles? I thought I had a map. But I have
been hurried into the debate to-day, and my friend firom Maryland
[Mr. SWANN] must have captured my missionary volume.  No?,
[LauLghter.] Some one has taken it, and hence I am embarrassed;
but, Mr. Chairman, if I am called on in fancy to bound these isles,
without my pious volume, [laughter,] I should point first to the isle
of Juan Fernandez. Well, about eight thousand miles west just above
the tropic of Capricorn, and forty degrees east of Australia, you will
find them. [Laughter.]  Robinson Crusoe was one of the nearest
neighbors, and Botany Bay another. [Laughter.] The islands are
considerably conducive to solitude, but not so much so as the isle of
Crusoe. There are thirty-five thousand men and women of the Friday family on the islands. Already I seem to feel that we have annexed them. Contiguity of territory makes them so near in the light
of humanity, yet so far, when we come to reflect. Cowper sang of'
Selkirk and his isle:
When I'think of my own native land,
In a moment I seem to be there;
But alas! recollection at hand,
Soon hurries me back to despair.
I can only travel to these distant coralline shoals in these pages of
the gallant colonel.
But how, sir, shall we bound them? On the north by the aurora




10o
borealis,  [Lauighter.]  On the east by sumrise? Ou the south by
the south pole?  On the west byA Voice. By Sunset. [Laughter.]
NIMr. COX. That is personal. No. By the Day of Judlgment? Yes,
that will do, as the map does so isolate them. They are situated in
the midst of all inexpressible watery waste. They are, to be accurte,
seventy-two hundred miles from Juan Fernandez, [laughter,] the same
distance from San Francisco, and the same distance from Loo-Choo, and
the same from the seat of the Acheanwar. What charms has this comparative solitude for our Crusoes of civilization. It is for these isles
that the farmer burns his luntransported corn in Illinois; for these
the draylman or truckman " pays his shot" and starves in the eastern
city. It is for these isles, to be acquired with a contingent fund, that
the artisan labors and strikes in New England; and that the colored
laborer, who picks cotton in the South, sickens to see, to love, and to
annex.' Regardless of expense he would like to see this quarter of a
million of money for a contingent fund go out to the antipodes.
Therest of my speech will be'in explanation of this remarkable
fact. I know that I can only hialf tell it, and moieties always need 1an.explanation.
It was not enough for the Administration'to make an attempt on
San Domingo. Failing inl that they now reach out to the Polynesian
group. That group is noted as havilg had in it the Botany Bay of'
England; ay, and within a few months, a recusant French democrat,.
Rochefort, escaped from one of the French islanuds by swimmlnlg
through one mile of sharks. This illustrates the vigoor of democracy
against t;he ravenlous shoal which lives to destroy.
OUR COImIISSION-t STXArTS.
By an order of President Grant, Mlr. A. B. Steilberg'er was appointed in March, 1873, special agent to visit and report upon these
Samoan islands. The Presicent was not satisfied with the juvenile
romance entitled " The Swiss Family Robinson," [laughter; ] nor with
Robinson Crusoe, with his dog, parrot, and man Friday, so interesting
as a clever story for youth, by a persecuted Dissenter. He was not
content with the various reports made by the missionaries from the
Friendly and other adjacent islands. Captain Cook was to him a
myth; and the menl who ate other men were no less a myth.
A pilot-boat, called the Fanny, is chartered under the "' contingent
funlld."  It sails from San Francisco in JLune, 1873. But alas! for such
expeditions! The San Francisco press anticipates it, and when our
embassador reaches the Sandwich Islands, to use his own language,
he assures " His Majesty King Lunalilo that he is in nowise accredited to his government, and that newsvenders in this as in many other
cases are irresponsible agitators."  The, reporters' gallery will take
notice and tremble!
In August, our commissioner reaches the eastern island of the Samoan group. The islands are called "Navigators" because, as our
commissioner says, navigators have alway avoided them, [laughter,]
just as the Friendly Islands are called friendly because everybody was
eaten when they went there. This group w.hich we seek to annex consists of nine islands.
As the question becomes one of economy in an appropriation of
money, in order to impress the House against the appropriation I
have thought of using three rhetorical modes: First, the scientific;
second, the pietistic; and thirdQ the simplllicity of my ownmstyle.




11
SCIENTIFIC VIEPW OF THEI-I ISLES.
In order to develop the scientific view, I would say, irrespective of
what onr commlissioner has said, that while there are evidences of
craters in these islands, there are found ancient vesicular lava and
amygdaloids, the olivine often disintegrated, and mountains of basaltic
-ock, against which the great swell of the ocean breaks with deafening
roar. This will readily be understood by the House, [laulghter,] and
especially by the gentlemlan from  Ohio, near tlme, [Mr. GARFIMLD,]
whose voice has in it many pleasant, if not deafening, associations.
[Laughter.]
Leaving for one lmomient the report of our commissioner, I -would
add that there are found there, in the circumljacent waters, round
masses of mieandrina and austrvta, contrasted with delicate leaf-like
and cup-shapec expansions of explanaria, and with an ilfinite variety
of branching madrepor'e and seriatopor,; some -with mere finoershaped projections, others with large branching stems, and others
a.(ain exhibiting  an elegant assemblage of interlacing  twigs of the
most exquisite workmanship. Their colors are 1iunrivaled, vivid C reeis
contrasting with more sober browns and yellows, minlgled with rich
shades of purple from pale pink to deep blhie. Bright red, yellow,
and peach-colored mu-lliporme clothe those masses that are dead, millogled with beautiful, pearly flakes of eschara and retepora, the latter
looking like lace-work in ivory. In among the branches of the corals,
like birds among trees, float many beautif ul fish, radiant with nmetallic greens or crimsons, or fantastically banded with black and yellow
stripes. Patches of clear white sand are seen here and there for the
floor, with dark hollows and recesses beneath overhanging mlasses as
ledges. These bright creatuie.s have not always peaceful lives. There
are many kinds of sea animals that have holes in the corals, and take
n p their lodgings among them, while some kinds of fish prey upon
them. I presume this is a political parable.  [Laughter.]
This will answer for the physical description. As a resort for coral,
these isltand are a success.  Bu-t why did not our colnmissionerdescribe
in scientific phrase how the sweet little Simians, (ordinarily called
mnonkeys,) [laughter,] with the prehensile grip of the extended os
coccyx, swing firom the Cailotphylla inoh2,? all in the sunshine upon
the upper slopes of Upoln and Savaii?  [Laughter. ] -As they swing'
some eight thousand miles from us, and as a Darwinian, and a friend
of man and science, why should we hinder thel? Let theml swing!
[Great laughter.]
Still we should not complain, for has nlot our commissioner given Lus
the yellow x'tocet.or2ts or bread-fruit tree, and the Cocos iiocitfera or
cocoa-nut which the -inltelligent monkey drops upon the head' of the
juvenile islander i
SAMIOANS AS CHRISTIANS.
The pietistic interest connected with these islands ddates dallhost as
early as Captain Cook's voyages. The first _abbath spent in this
land by the missionaries is memorable for a sermnon, in English, from
the words: "Behold, I am  the Lord, the God of all flesh: is there
anything too hard for me?" (Jeremiah, xxxii. 27.) [Laughter.] The
natives who understood little of the language, believing that all mankind were of one flesh, seized, cooked, and constuLed the missionaries.
[ Laughter. ] They found them too hard for digestion, and were shortly
after converted.
In handsome style, and at our ex'pense, Colonel Steinberger relates
the present pious condition of the natives.  On page 21 of his report




12
he shows -that in 1869, when a religious census was taken, there were
35,107 of all religions; Independents, Presbyterians, Wesleyams, andt
Catholics. This makes a majority of 504 more religious people in the
island than there are population.  [Laughter.]  It is therefore a fair
inference that everybody on the island belongs to some Christian persuasion. It is safe to say that there-is not a single Samoan who has
not accepted Christianity, though more devout and zealous in some
districts than in others.
DAN AND JIMMIY.
Aside from the missionary enterprises, it, miglt be well to state, in
the language of the commissioner, how this remarkable acquisition to
the Christian relition took place. He says:
Williams found, in 1830, that the natives knew something, of Cllristianity, and
readily accepted it. This knowledge evidently came from the rude teachings or inflnence of castaway sailors, as the natives still speak of the white men a'mong theii
long before the arrival of missionaries. Of such was "Dan the Convict," who captured a vessel, the Rom a, murdered the captain, burned the ship, and landed inl
Savaii. He couldneither read nor write, yet taught the natives, through their superstition.  Stch another was "Jimmy the Sweet," who regularly preached to theni.
Malany interesting stories are related of these characters by the natives. [Laughter, 
It may be necessary to recall the fact that " Dan the Convict," who
was a pirate and murderer, and "Jimmy the Sweet" likely carme from
Saint Giles and the Old Bailey.  [Laughter.]  Theii' mode of propagating the Christian system must have been peculiar. How did they
produce such a remarkable effect upon these simple South Sea islande's? Perhaps they related how Peter denied the Lord, the roosters
crowed, [laughter,] and induced all the islanders to copy Peter's exrample. [Laughter.]  Or perhaps, following thle text from Jeremiah,
they taught them the necessity of consumning the missionaries without grace, in order to be full of the loly unction.  [LauLghter. ]  Perhaps the story of Judas impressed them.  Evidently "Jimmy theb
Sweet" andl  "Dan the Convict" left their inlpress upon. these isl-aids, which our Administration desires to annex. They pointed to
the cross and to the impenitent thief.  [Laughter.]  I can well ima!gine what sermons they could have preached to these heathens.
Did they teach them  to pray for their daily bread, writh the breadfruit tree, as our.commissioner says, hanging around their houses?
What a meaningless, wasteful excess of prayer, evein for a South Sea
islander!
SAMOAN MUSIC.
What songs did they sing? If I had before rme the volume edited by
a Miss Farmer, on the missionary history —but my friend [Mr. SWANN ]
who has urgedthis bill has doubtlesspurloined this volume, [laughter, ]
and still withholds it inmy direst need-then I could show to the House,
a picture of natives sitting in a ring round the missionary, either " Dan
the Convict" or "Jimmy the Sweet."  [Laughter.] Near bythe waves
of the ocean lave the shore.  The rude hut, surmounted by the cocoanut and the banyan tree, the bread-fruit and the palm, speak to
uis so touchingly.  Each native sits squat, upon his sacred mat. The
hymn is given out and lined. I had the music of that hymn in the
volume referred to, and which my honorable friend continues to withhold.  [Laughter.]  Captain Wilkes heard the same refrain.  Its
meaning is " Thanks," " Good evening," " How are you?" " Is your
mother well?" [la-ughter,] &c.  Beautiful salutations from  Polynesian lyres! The language is "lelei," "leleei."  I am inclined to ask
-my friendt [Mr. SWANu ] to join me in the song.  [Laughter.]  His
voice would add to the music.  [Laughter.]  It is much the samne as
t have heard in the drawling songs of the barbarians- of the South




13
Mediterranean coast.  Captain Cook, when he first heard it, said it
was not entirely disagreeable. But the historian says that the captain
was in a good humor that day. Delicious odors filled the air, and he
had drunk high and full of the kava-bowl, and the music seemed not
to be discordant. Yet our commissioner says in his report, from which
I quote, that the Samoans are fond of music without melody. [Laughter.]  In church and school each child seems to ofLtvie the other in
vocal power and compass, [laughter;] that the instrumental music
is confined to the beating of sticks upon mats and hollow logs. What
kind of music this may be which exalts their pious enthusiasm is hard
to determine. As a comely concordance is often helped by a convenient discord, even as affection is made more intense by disagreement; so
when we annex this music of the Polynesian Pacific to that of the
Atlantic-when it is accompanied by such prime donne as Nillson,
Lucca, and Di Murska, the effect would be unexampled. [Laughter.]
When to the rich, intwisting golden threads of the grand organ of the
minster, vibrating and swelling through gothic aisles, you add from
these isles of the Southern Sea those dissonances which are recorded
and set to music in this missionary volume, it would not be unlike
ladding to the lyric gush of the Stabat Mater, or to the mighty feather
of the " Messiah," a roundelay from filing a New Hampshire saw on
a frosty morning, or a refrain from an overloaded and underfed donkey. [Laughter. ]
To what sentiment should this Polynesian music respond? All! I
understand it. By some preconception, they woulld sing froil WattSAnd are we rebels yet alive,
And do we yet rebel,'Tis wondrous,'tis amlzing grace,
That we are out of hell! *
[Laughter.]
POLYGA.M1Y.
How far they have been converted to Christianity so as to be fit
suLbjects for our rule lmay be learned further from the commissioner's
report, from which I quote: "Polygamy is common on the part of
men, never on the part of women; two wives seldom live in the same
house; a plurality of wives is not common, the husband usually sending his wife to her people when he takes a new one. Virtue in Sanoa
is predominant:  The maiden of a village is reverenced more as a virgin than as a chief's daughter."  So that when the House of Representatives shall vote. the proposition of Secretary Fish for cordial relations and perhaps annexation of these islands to our country, I feel
like calling the roll of gentlemen who voted the other day to investi* A word of apology is required in this revised edition. The missing missionary
volume has appeared. My friend frolm  Maryland is acquitted. But the music of
tihe isles, for which we must pay our money, is unreported by our gallailt commissioner. One or two staves Aill answer as, a sample. I take it from Sarah Farmer's
volulme on "Tonga and the Friendly Islands," page 43.
(,,5 




14
gate the heinous polygamy of Utah. And Inmay I not ask thllt a:
commission be sent to Samoa before we annex?s
WAR.
To show further the remarkable Christian principle of these islands,
let us look at their mannerof conducting war. Is not war a fair test
of allegiance to the Prince of Peace?  As to this, says the commissioner, "'the Samo ms are patient, earnest, easily controlled by their
leader.  While cruel to their enemies, they are never treacherous.
Prisoners are never, taken. The importance of a victory is measured
by the number of heads taken. [Laughter.] The head is publicly
exposed and reviled; but never mutilated."'  This would seem to give
a refinement to war to which our Modocs have never attained. Our Indians are actuated by the same refinement to take not only the scalp
of a hairy but of a bald-headedl man. No one escapes; but they only
take the scalp. These Christian Arcadians in the South Sea Islands,
whom we would annex under the orders of the Secretary of State, are
never satisfied without having the whole head! [Laughter.] I do
not refer, as an evidence of Christianity, to the diseases prevalent in
their midst. I might refer to the protuberances which surgeons are
compelled to cut from thebodies of these self-indulgent islanders. The
subject, however, is too nice for this delicate Congress. Besides there
are diseases-elephantiasis, soriasis, &c.-which characterize these
islanders.  Before we annex them, it.might be well to state that elephantiasis is riot any disease connected with the Pachydermata, but it is
a swelled leg; while soriasis is nothing more than the itch. This,
however; is no special objection to annexation with our Administration. [Laughter.]
THEIR DRESS.
If I referred, as the commissioner does, to their disposition to
assume the dress of the whites-the white gloves, silk dresses, enormous crinoline, paniers, old-style bonnets for their May meetingssome one might say that I was making points against our revolutionary ancestors and ancestresses, who, as we were informed the
other day, dressed in such ontre habiliments.
LEGAL-TENDER " MATS."
It would be well, perhaps, in considering the financial condition of
our country to quote from the commissioner with respect to the
" sacred mats'" produced there; not because they are sacred, but beczause they are regarded as a legal tender. Our commissioner says,
on page 24, "that families count their wealth, and all personal and.
real estateis computedby'fine mats."' "Forthe secure establishment,"
says our commissioner," arid maintenance of a home and foreign government in Samoa, the hereditary and fictitious value of'fine mats'
must be destroyed. This could best be done by affixing a Government
stamp and making them a circulating medium subject to redemption,
as is paper money." Was there ever so easy a solution of oir troublesome problem? Besides giving us a fixed standard, it would energize
and encourage a new branch of industry. It is especially encouraging and protective, as it is some seventy-two hundred miles from us!
[Laughter.]
Why not, then, send for the chief of Pago-Pago to settle our distressing questions of finance upon the principle of fine mats and redemption? And yet, on page 41, the commissioner says of the natives
of those islands, " In theory they display some wisdom, but they must
fail in practice. They fully realize that some government must aid."
Let us rush to their assistance. They are only 7,200 miles off! [Laugh



15
ter.] Leaving, therefore, the report of the coimmissioneor, and going
to the appendix, it gives me a great deal of pleasure to say that our
commissioner to Mauga, the chief of Pago-Pago, recognizes the intelligence and the financial supremacy of the VUnited States, for thiS
chief writes to President Grant that " his (the chief's) people are poor,
a.nd his finances are less; that the good teachers have teachers have us tght us to be
honest, observe your doctrine, and maintain your faith."  What:a
satire on American. legislation, after our legislation on polygamy and
the President's veto!
Further, the chief says, if he himself ever said it at all: "We know
you are a great people, with many ships and many warriors; that yoe.
are all united in peace."
This chief of Pago-Pago had not heard of our: failures to revive
shipping, or. of Louisiana and reconstruction; South Carolina and
taxation; and Brooks and Baxter were as unknllown to him as Castor
andPollux. [Laughter.] He says to President Grant: " We know that
you cultivate the soil and buildcl great houses."  He had clour grangers
and architects in his mind. [Laughter.] He says "You mlake great,
roads."  He had a dim intimation of Credit M11obilier. [Laiughter.]
He says " You talk to each other through the air."  Ile had in mind
Congress, and perhaps the remarkable speech of my friend, [Mr.
SWANN,] who still insists onwithholding mlypious missionary volume.
[Laughter.] Or perhaps he had in mind the marvelous talk of the
telegraph. He sas s " We want the same; and pray for aid and protection and friendship from the President of the United States."  God
help him! Poor simple Arcadian! He says "We are poor; but we
are happy in our peaceful condition." Why, sir, should Colonel Steilnberger disturb that felicity? Why did not they eat him, even if they
could not digest?
OUR RED-MEN.
The second appendix to this remarkable report is a letter written
from Pago-Pago in 1873 to this great chief, Mauga, by our commissioner. He tells the chief that he was impressed with the Christian
character of the people he visited. Not even a nail was mnissing from
his ship when he left the Samoan country. "In our country," says
the commissioner to the great chief, "we have many tribes of natives,
(referring to our Indians,) but they are not so peaceable or honest as
yourselves." This was said before Shacknasty Jim or Captain Jack
had succumbed to our military forces. " Only a few of these natives
are Christians," he said. He could say that with truth. I look about
me for my gallant friend front Indiana, (General SIIANs,S) to verify
this remark. [Laughter.] Where is lhe?
A MEMBER. Here he is.
Mlr. COX. Let him learn from what I shall read, what our commissioner told the Samoan chief and what the United States Governmlen 
gives our red men. It gives lands, farmers, tools, teachers, clothing,
and provisions, besides making laws for them. These remarks will
commend themselves to the chairman of the Indian Committee,. as
well as to General SHIANKS. The recent appropriations on Indian business have their finest commentary in this simple statement of our
commissioner to the chief of Pago-Pago.
But why should! go through this whole report,?  Is it not enough
to satisfy the hard-working people of this country that their money
is well invested, that a " contingent fund" shoulld always be applied
to the furtherance of our projects for annexing the So-uthSea Islands?
FEMALE DISTILLArION.
Nay, I have omitted one thingwe need; we seek for revenue and econ



16
omy. The females of these islands are an incarnate distillery. [Laughter. ] No crusaders disturb theiroperations. There is abeautiful spreading shrub called the Macropipii   Methysticum, the root of a kind of pepperplant, a delightful soporific, properly administered, but through the
abuses of men it has been transformed into an intoxicating beverage.
Our commissioner says that he has seen no case. of stupefaction or
intoxication resulting from its use. How is it prepared, and in case
of annexation how can we recover the internal-revenue tax?
Our commissioner says that the liquor is prepared from the dried.
root by a process of mastication by young girls, and strained through
cocoa-nut fibres into a large bowl, hewn from the trunk of a tree..
These young virginal distilleries "must be healthy, with sound, clean,.
teeth."  [Laughter.]  Aticcording to another authority which I have
before me, the root must be bitten carefully while in the mouth, with
little moisture mixing with it.  Then it is prepared for the Samoan
festivity.i  Captain Coolk had a saturnalia with this remarkable
liquor; and I ant not sure but his final death was occasioned by a
too free indulgence. One thing is sure, that never since the time of
Spenser's Fairy Bower of Bliss, when his beauteous heroines pressed
the grape between their pinky fingers, could it ever be said with
truth that "' So fair a wine-press made the wine more sweet."
Who that admires the beauty of the Samoan woman described by
our commissioner, as having eyes black, soft, and pleasing, with melancholy air and meekness, with skin of polished copper, proud in bearing smooth, straight, erect, and symmetrical, including thd tatooing
so well pictured in this report, would be reluctant to drink the wine
of so fair a wine-press? Where are your burgundies, sherries, clarets, champagnes, mantillados, and lachrymm  christe —compareed
-with this Samoan liquior! Let Lucull-us dash the gemlmed goblet
from his luxurious board; let Bacchus reel ullder the burden of his
vine-leaves and his bibulous excesses.  Let Longfellow  tune his
lyre in praise of Longworth; let. him chalnt, like an inspired Silenus,
the praises of the creamy Verzenay. What are these to the original
vintage of the Samoan Islands. No wonllder -women clruisade against
t}lose liquors which areDrugged in their j nice
for foreign use,
WVhen shipped o'er the reeling Atlantic,
To rack our brains
WVith the fever pains
That have criven the old tworl(l fralltic. [Langl ter.]
Let themn annex Samoa, and pray no more.
Yet, LMr. Speaker, why shouldl we annex these islandls? Some harsh
andl crabbed personlike my friend from Indialnal [Mrr.HOLA\iAN] or my
friend from Vermont LMr. WILLARD] will ask me why we want so
distant and so extravagant a relation. Perhaps I am peculiar. We
can have nothing worse than we now have. Almost anything would
be better. It was Josh Billings who remarked:
I never owned a kammel-leopiard yet, and hope I shan't; bnt if I shold hay to
takle one in payment ov a det, I shooclkonsider I had lost the det twice. [Laughllter.]
Perhaps he had this sort of acquisition in his eyes.
CUB1A AND CIVIL iIGHTS.
Before entering upon the enormous travel and acquisition contemplated by this report, woul it not be well to inquire why it
is, when called upon to protect and annex such a people, thirty-five
thousand strong, in the South Sea antipodes, some seventy-two thouSara3h Falrer's Tong)a, pages 1s8, 49.




17
sand miles afar, [laughter, ] that we do not protect and enlarge into
the light of liberty the thousands who are in slavery near us, on the
island of Cuba? It might also be well to consider, when we have
so many local and domestic questions connected with our Indian and
other colored races, growing out of their desire to live and to be buried
equally with the whites, why their status is not fixed somehow,
before we recognize and organize another race. Certainly our interests with Cuba involve in many ways our economies, not merely as
to hlxuries like cigars, but as to the necessaries like sugar. It involves the liberty of a race which imade our civil war and cost us
seven billions of money and a million of men. But I am growing
serious. I meant only to present the best side of this remarkable
foreign affair.
REASONS PRO AND CON FOR ANNEXATION.
When we consider the relative distances of these Samoan isles from
our shores, and the fact that earthquakes and volcanoes have so
abounded therein that the patient work of billions of coral has been
distributed by the premature appearance of basalt and granite, it is
clear that it comes within the limited powers of our Federal-Government! Moreover, when we remember that our Bureaus are examining into our own faunne and fiorae-that we are making the Yosemite
and Yellowstone, Parks and tributary to science by Federal exploration and publication; when even our Capitol is decorated witrl the
birds and beasts and creeping things of our hemisphere; and as these
matters are defended'as within the purview of Federal authoritywho does not rejoice in the discovery by our commissioner of the
spotted snake that crows and the extinct dodo, which, like the phcenix
and the griffin, are delivered from the unknown realms of fancy.!
Sir John Maudeville and Munchausen are not, for reasons unnecessary to rehearse, fit for publication by a veracious Administration, but
the luminous and unpleasant truths of this pamphlet are indispensable to Federal legislation and the average intelligence. For instance, we have long been discussing finances with their inflations
and contractions. What a ray of light is cast upon these abstruse subjects by the discussion of our commissioner of the sacred mats!
Many reasons might be urged for the acquisition of these isles. Not
because perpetual summer there simmers in the sunny air; not because bread-fruit is produced without planting, plowing, harrowing,
or reaping; not because the cocoa gives from the. fruitful bosom of
mother earth its milk for young and old; not because our commissioner has discovered, as he thinks, the dodo-[Laughter]A MEMBER. Tell us of that bird.
Mr. COX. I reserve the dodo. [Laughter.] Not because polygamy
there prevails and Christianity sings its hymns in discordant monotone; not because it recognizes caste and has'nmats" for legal tender;
not because it adopts the discarded toilettes of our civilized dames and
demoiselles; butbecause the thirty-five thousand indcigeaes will,when
annexed, become consumers of our products; and when they buy our
hatchets and nails, our whisky and tobacco, our hair-pins and hoopskirts, our hymn-books and bibles, will we not in this time of distress
here add to our revenues? Hence, I am for Mr. Fish's proposition.
Not, however, do I favor it on mercenary grounds! 0, no. When
Mark Twain received from the Persian Pasha his picture set in diamonds, he exclaimed, " 0, sire, I do not care for the setting. It is.
only the portrait I crave." [Laughter.]
Neither, sir, is it because I would have a convenient isle of refuge
for those who may leave us in 1876. [Laughter.] The good men who




18
are as careful as they are honest in administration, the men of moieties
and the Inclian contractors, might find in these isles a happy refuge and
resting-place, free from the persecutions of a venal press and the
indictments of indignant grand juries.
Mr. Speaker, finding a contingent fund of $231,000 in this bill;
knowing what contingencies are and how they grow and go; knowing the needs of the Treasury which is bankrupt, and the needs of
the people who have to make up the deficiency, I should be derelict
in my duty if I clid not insist that we should cut off the large.body
of this expense growing out of our foreign relations in order to draw
to us the polygamous and Christian and commercial people who live
so many thousands of miles away from us; who are so near and yet
so far.
I think, Mr. Speaker, these remarks will illustrate the remarkable
comity, patriotism, and expeditions of the State Department. May
their worst endeavors be better than that of San Domingo, and their
best tend to the interest and honor of our country.
To conclude, Mr. Speaker: In these remarks I do not mean, by word
or gesture, to extenuate or exagerate the delinquencies of our foreign
department. Whenever I can see that my Government defends the
Flag, recognizes and protects my fellow-citizens abroad, does not yield
its rights and interests to a foreign potentate, and holds aloft the scale
equity, of it will be my pride and pleasure to support ond defend it.
During the civil war I never failed in that respect.  In the coming
years, if I shall serve here, I shall be more than usually observant of all
those rules of comity which command respect from the world by granting and demanding justice. But may I not ask that such exhibitions
of American enterprise as I have commented upon, for which we pay
$213,000 contingent, and for islands so many thousand miles away,
may become less frequent, and thereby save us from national humiliation?