s ?• 
 
 i w 
 
a & 
 
THREE LETTERS 
 
 ON 
 
 THE HORSE, 
 
 MASTER, AND DONKEY. 
 
 By blunt spurs. 
 
 T. BRETTELL & Co. 51, EUPERT STREET, HAYMARIvET, W. 
 
 1870. 
 
WESTMINSTER ; 
 T. BliETTELL AND CO. PRINTERS, 51, RUPERT STREET, HATMARKET,— W. 
 
The following letter not having been accepted by 
 the Editor to whom it was forwarded, the same is now 
 published, as also a second, and now a third. It has 
 been conjectured that writings of this description might 
 tend to the detriment of the Turf, but the real 
 intention 'of the Author is to prevent the Turf tending 
 farther to the detriment of Horses, and also to save 
 the Innocents, who still roam about, from being 
 cajoled into purchasing any deformed or irrecoverably 
 damaged animals, whether offered by the Turf Kings, 
 Turf Churchmen, or Turf Copers ; and it is hoped the 
 production may yet prove of benefit both to the Horse 
 and the Rider. 
 
LETTER I. 
 
 ALL SAINTS. ATTENTj 
 
 ERRATA. 
 
 In page 3G, line 21, /or " horseman," read "horsemen." 
 
 44 24, for " connoiseurs," read " connoisseurs. 
 
 52 26, for " gentlemen," read " gentleman." 
 
 64, „ 3, /or "bend," rcrtfi "bent." 
 
 cuuia noi neip Delievmg there must be a most extra- 
 ordinary number of arrant rogues in it. I prefer 
 believing, and taking it for granted, that all persons 
 who have anything to do with the breeding or buying 
 and selling of horses are the most honest and upright 
 of any class in the United Kingdom. After all 
 perhaps that does not say much for any body in this 
 most religiously commercial state, where every one 
 
LETTER I. 
 
 ALL SAINTS, ATTEND. 
 
 An upright, intelligent, humane, and pious man. A fabulous 
 creature supposed to go blind at the sight of gold or promissory 
 paper. 
 
 England is a country said to possess the best 
 riders in the world ; I believe it. England is a 
 country said to possess the best judges of horses in 
 the world ; that is men who know most of their proper 
 form and figure ; I do not believe it ; for if I did, I 
 could not help believing there must be a most extra- 
 ordinary number of arrant rogues in it. I prefer 
 believing, and taking it for granted, that all persons 
 who have anything to do with the breeding or buying 
 and selling of horses are the most honest and upright 
 of any class in the United Kingdom. After all 
 perhaps that does not say much for any body in this 
 most rehgiously commercial state, where every one 
 
6 
 
 faithfully believes it to be his duty to make money at 
 the expense of his neighbour, still it is something to 
 belong to a class that are a shade more honest than 
 any other class, but if their honesty is allowed, they 
 must stand self-convicted of ignorance of the proper 
 form of the horse. On the horns of this dilemma, 
 namely, that they are either honestly ignorant or 
 knavishly wise, I intend to fix all who may dispute the 
 principles here propounded. 
 
 The Apollo Belvidere and the Venus de Medicis 
 are supposed to be the most perfect models of the 
 proper forms and figures of men and women, and ac- 
 cording as every male and female approach the 
 nearest to each of these respective forms the better 
 they are allowed to be made. Where am I to search 
 for the proper model of a handsome horse ? Perhaps I 
 shall not be far wrong in recommending the statue 
 George the Third is mounted on in Cockspur Street as 
 one of the best for a useful blood horse, and applicable 
 to all the combinations of Charger, Hunter, Park 
 Hack, or Eacer. This statue has been objected to by 
 some persons as conveying the idea that the horse is a 
 small horse, but the Venus de Medicis might be 
 objected to for the same reason. To find a large 
 thoroughbred horse of upwards of sixteen hands in 
 height of a perfect and Arabian-like form is as difficult 
 
no doubt as to find a large man upwards of six feet 
 in height of a perfect and Adam-Hke form. When 
 found of course such horses would be more valuable, 
 but from the very great difficulty in finding them it 
 will be as well to take a statue supposed to represent 
 a smaller size. " Beauty consists in proportion." Well ; 
 there exists a book that I wrote a quarter of a century 
 ago called " The Griffin's Aide-de-Camp," in which the 
 proper form and shape of a horse are given, and the 
 description, not the woodcuts, will be found to corres- 
 pond with this statue. If any reader will be kind enough 
 to point out any error in the form there described the 
 author will be happy to send him half a sovereign for 
 the information, or will bet him half a sovereign he is 
 mistaken, so anxious is he to have a correct form 
 acknowledged which all can refer to. In that descrip- 
 tion, a great part of the language of which was copied 
 from some of the most celebrated professional writers, 
 it is stated " The forelegs should stand straight, mode- 
 rately broad at the chest, gradually approaching each 
 other to the fetlock, and be free from all lumps or bumps, 
 or bony excrescences whatever; and as to windgalls, that 
 they are a most annoying eye-sore." With regard to 
 the feet, a good sound foot with open heels and wide 
 frog is one of the first things that ought to be looked 
 to. Well ; go to Tattersall's every week for the year 
 
8 
 
 round : go to every gentleman who has a horse for 
 sale, and to every dealer : go to every palace from the 
 King of Diamonds down to the Knave of Spades ; and 
 at the end of the twelve months how many, which 
 have reached the age of five years, will you have 
 found, having good carriage both before and behind, 
 and with straight unblemished forelegs and wide frogs ? 
 Not five per cent certainly. Why is this, because 
 they have been overworked ? Yes, they have been 
 worked too much for their legs no doubt ; but the fact 
 is, their legs will stand very little work before their 
 ancles become somewhat gummy and adorned with 
 little soufflets like marrowfat peas, simijly because the 
 sire or dam had these uusighthj defects ; and it is very 
 little use stopping two-year-old, or three-year-old, or 
 four-year-old, or five-year -old races, so long as horses 
 are run till their legs are crooked, or windgalled, and 
 their feet contracted, and are then, and not till then, 
 used as stallions or b]*ood mares. Ugly heads, 
 drooping quarters, buck knees and crooked legs, 
 splents, curbs, windgalls, &c. will descend as surely 
 in the horse, as ugly physiognomies, bottle noses, 
 bowed legs, splay feet, coarse skins, &c. will in the 
 human being : in short in fish, flesh, and fowl, all 
 the world over, Like will beget Like, always in a 
 greater or less degree ; therefore so long as stallions 
 
9 
 
 or brood mares are used with faulty build, or defective 
 legs and feet, so long will these evils be more or less 
 perpetuated, and will generally intrude themselves on 
 public notice before maturity is attained. 
 
 One would have thought that by this time any 
 man with a good eye and with good taste could tell at 
 once whether a horse had blood enough without his 
 running, which test does not invariably prove the speed 
 either now a days ; and even if it did prove both, yet, 
 if there is any faultiness in the build to offend a good 
 eye, there is ugly blood whether thorough-bred or not ; 
 and such horses should not be used to produce either 
 Chargers, Park horses, or respectable riding Hacks ; 
 for when three and four-year-olds are found to have 
 the faaltiness of build of the parents, and some 
 defects from hereditary overwork in addition, they 
 ought not reasonably to bring a respectable price 
 because they are not fit for a respectable person to ride ; 
 but wdien, on the contrary, a horse has the points laid 
 down in Pages Sand 9 of " The Griffin's Aide-de-Camp," 
 and resembles the George the Third Statue, then he 
 has the proper style of blood for every purpose, 
 barring pulling waggons, and you may save yourself 
 the trouble of going to Timbuctoo or elsewhere to 
 search out the pedigree. In the frontispiece of that 
 book there is an ugly horse of bad form drawn with 
 
10 
 
 the motto, " The style of a man may be known by his 
 horse." Many persons who have possessed horses 
 of a somewhat unsightly appearance have murmured 
 out that they could not comprehend the meaning 
 of the phrase. Indeed ! persons who have the 
 bad taste to mount such deformities cannot be 
 given credit for much comprehension, though I 
 think in this case they comprehended it only too well, 
 but could not bear the fact being brought so 
 prominently to their view. Perhaps they will be 
 equally unable to comprehend the drawings prefixed 
 to these letters. Those who have good taste however 
 will comprehend them at a glance, yet it has been stated 
 again lately that three and four-year-olds, having 
 been tried and found deficient in speed, with barrels 
 resembling a tucked up camel, and gummy ancles 
 overladen with marrowfats^ and heels somewhat the 
 shape of a jargonelle pear, will do all very well for 
 ordinary riding. Who are the riders that these will 
 do for ? As a poor man I may be compelled to wear 
 threadbare clothes occasionally darned, but I would 
 prefer doing that rather than be seen to mount any 
 cast off weeds with such irritating eye-sores as these, fit 
 in appearance for nothing but cab-work, and a cruelty 
 to put them to that. And all persons of every class 
 who desire the improvement of the breed of horses, in 
 
11 
 
 order to obtain handsome Chargers, Hacks, and 
 Hunters, will help very materially to bring about so 
 much wished-for a result by abstaining to purchase 
 such refuse at any price, thus compelling your great 
 breeders at last to rear only from handsome sires and 
 dams possessing straight unblemished legs and good 
 open feet ; for while a horse without these defects may 
 be very cheap at a hundred or two hundred pounds, 
 yet with them he may be very dear at a hundred 
 or two hundred pence. 
 
 But I am told that men exist who actually prefer 
 crooked legs and have no objection to fiddle heads, nor 
 to drooping quarters, with what they designate pendent 
 tails, which are too often so hugged that they forcibly 
 remind one of some culprit spaniel run after by 
 his master with a broomstick. There is no accounting 
 for tastes, but men who would praise horses of this 
 description would praise tough meat and give the 
 same to their friends. And men of these ideas will 
 generally be found to have some very ugly points 
 themselves, consequently to be no more adapted to 
 ornament Rotten Row than their horses. 
 
 Thorough-breds are deteriorating so fast in 
 handsome appearance in England that very many of 
 the rising generation seem at a loss to comprehend 
 what a handsome well made blood horse should look 
 
12 
 
 like. To those I would quote the Arab maxim " The 
 head and tail should be so beautifully carried that the 
 rider may be hidden between them." Most certainly, 
 if I was asked to describe what constituted the most 
 striking distinction between a thorough-bred Arab 
 and a thorough-bred English horse I should answer, 
 the Arab carries his head and tail up when in action, 
 and has clean Hmbs with open heels. The English 
 carries his head and tail down and has puffy fetlocks 
 with contracted heels. Of course there are exceptions 
 to both. You who are unprejudiced can award the 
 palm according to your fancy; but if you give it to the 
 latter, all I can say is, that I cannot pin my faith to 
 your ideas of what constitutes beauty or handsome 
 thorough-bred ; not even though you should have pur- 
 chased the last three golden three-year-olds with the 
 puffed up coronet^ from the mahogany stables of the 
 Marquis of Badsticks. The horse clothing, howbeit, 
 that covered those unfortunate creatures, was really 
 well worth bidding for, but that in consequence was 
 not put up for sale. 
 
 If the racing of two, and three, and four-year-olds 
 is beneficial for strengthening and improving the 
 breed of horses ; the same process might, perhaps, be 
 beneficial for children for the same purpose at the 
 corresponding ages of eight, twelve, and sixteen. 
 
13 
 
 Commence at eight, of course for the benefit of the 
 betting. Some few might last unimpaired until they 
 reach the age of twenty years which is just equal to 
 five of the horse. But do not stop here ; 
 continue to train them and their progeny on for the 
 next century, for the development of their muscle, in 
 the same manner that colts and fillies have been 
 trained for the last century ; that is, not only to the 
 very utmost, but beyond what their limbs can stand, 
 and what a beautiful aristocratic race might *not be 
 produced ? They would justly merit the very appro- 
 priate appellations of " son of Baron Badbuild," or 
 "daughter of the Duke of Deformity." Had horse 
 racing been kept up solely for the improvement of the 
 breed, and no horses allowed to run until they were five 
 years old, and then only those of undisputed good 
 build, with straight, strong, unblemished legs, and 
 well formed tough feet and open heels, what might we 
 not have had ? What have we now ? For one half of 
 the two, three, and four-year-olds that run now-a-days, 
 who cares twopence whether they win or lose, as far 
 as their utility for improving the breed is concerned ? 
 Who would have them for Sires or Dams ? Who indeed ? 
 And if they are only wanted for the betting, would not 
 donkey running answer as well ? The real horse has 
 suffered enough in such judicious hands : give him 
 
14 
 
 now a little rest, and lay the training on the real 
 donkey for the next twenty years instead, even if he 
 should be one of the human species. As it is, how do 
 the legs and feet of the generality of even seven- 
 eights or three-parts bred horses look ? A most 
 eminent dealer candidly stated to me that for a 
 Charger with the legs and feet that I wanted I must 
 either wait many months before he could suit me, or 
 else I must go abroad and search. A few minutes con- 
 versation with this gentleman was not only agreeable 
 but instructive. He had travelled much, and seemed in 
 nowise bigoted to the particular horse of any country, 
 and fully alive to the fact that when Frenchmen or 
 foreigners came to England to purchase, they took 
 good care to reject all your half stumped-up ones, 
 whether they came in first or last. And this reminds 
 me of the great dissatisfaction which seems to have 
 existed in various quarters of the Hunters, Hacks, &c., 
 that were selected for rewards at some great slioiv. It 
 was hinted that Horses, both English and Foreign, 
 with indifferent eyes, indifferent pipes, indifferent legs 
 and fetlocks, and worse than indifferent feet, had 
 obtained both praises and prizes. To give praises 
 would have been bad enough. Let us in charity say 
 that nobody could have been guilty of giving prizes to 
 
15 
 
 such ; but at the same time let us append a hope that 
 nobody will do it again. 
 
 About a year ago, talking about all defects being 
 more or less heritable, with an acquaintance who had 
 just -vdsited a great breeding establishment, he 
 informed me that on his venturing to remark on the 
 plain heads, and the indifferent limbs and feet of 
 almost all the horses, the owner coolly said " that 
 though there might not be an Arabian formed head, 
 nor a perfectly straight legged Sire or Dam, yet the 
 produce were none the worse for that," and added 
 " that he was the owner of hundreds of acres and had 
 been rearing horses all his life." My acquaintance 
 then asked me what I thought of that ? Why ! I 
 simply thought that the owner of acres was not always 
 the owner of sense, and that my acquaintance was 
 the wise man and the other the wiseacre. Roman 
 noses in men may be handsome and the said men 
 though lame the whole year round (their under- 
 standings being located in their heads) might still be 
 very useful : but Roman noses in horses are not 
 handsome, and the said horses if they only limped 
 for a quarter of that time (their understandings being 
 located in their feet and legs) might be considered 
 very useless. 
 
16 
 
 There are other people who, with only an 
 occasional horse or two they want to get rid of, 
 invariably talk much in the same strain. First it is 
 perhaps denied that the animal has windgalls, or that 
 his feet are in any wise contracted, though im- 
 mediately he is brought out, not only do peas appear 
 to surround his ankles, but some large beans to be also 
 deposited there ; and the heels of the feet so squeezed 
 in that a man with any feeling would be in danger of a 
 stomach-ache from merely inspecting them. It is a 
 fortunate circumstance that all those who are so 
 stupid as to purchase horses with such crippled 
 looking feet as these will have to suffer severely in 
 pocket until they find somebody more stupid than 
 themselves, and no pity on them. But the most 
 common denials one now meets with, are where the 
 animal stands only a little over, is very little 
 buck-kneed, the leg at times slightly tremulous, not 
 evincing much disposition to kneel, but still with the 
 legs from the knee downwards out of the proper line. 
 These are invariably first declared to be straight as an 
 arrow ; and, secondly, " Well, if they are not so, that 
 is only surer proof of his being thorough-bred. All 
 thorough-breds are like that." There is some truth 
 in the last part of this answer certainly, but that will 
 not make the legs straight nevertheless. I say then, 
 
17 
 
 that all persons who talk trash in this style must 
 relinquish their pretensions to the Judges' Bench, for 
 they must he either downright novices, or else must 
 be trying to deceive you — one or the other. And I 
 say further, that if persons holding such crooked 
 opinions as the above are hereafter put up as judges 
 for the improvement of the breed of horses for the 
 utility of man, then I shall be justified in putting in 
 my claim as "Author of the one thing needful," to be 
 a judge for the present age of the most correct 
 practical theology for the utility of man also. Here 
 it is : — 
 
 First, — Believe and you are dished. 
 
 Second, — Make money and outwit your neighbour, 
 or hide your face from the sight of all sensible men. 
 
 Third, — The poetry below points out the pure and 
 proper path to pursue for the accomplishment of all 
 praiseworthy and profitable purposes ; and the 
 systematic pursuit of it will tend greatly to facilitate 
 the dealing, whether that may be horse dealing or any 
 other dealing : — 
 
 Go to Church three times a day, 
 And do not fail to always pray, 
 OthervA'ise when you're in need, 
 It certain is you'll not succeed. 
 
 Only remember (for I shall presently proceed to prove 
 
18 
 
 it) tliat those who pray with their eyehds pendent, 
 like their horses tails, may sometimes be sold 
 themselves. 
 
 Now, reader or no reader, if it is yom- religion 
 or your custom to tell me a horse is sound when he 
 is not ; or to try to impose upon .me by saying that 
 ugly build, and various defects and blemishes are 
 of no consequence, then it is mine to look out for an 
 opportunity to turn the tables on you as I succeeded 
 in doing on Mr. Weatherside a few years ago to my 
 great comfort when he, at the instigation of a rich 
 relative, endeavoured to get to windward of me with 
 " two fine steppers," one a piper, the other with the 
 stringhalt. I never allowed him to detect that I was 
 aware of anything wrong; but I quietly resolved to 
 punish if possible, this praise-giving performer, 
 whose compassionate soul induced him to bestow such 
 liberal panegyrics on God's most noble but speechless 
 creatures for six days in the week, never unmindful 
 of the halt or the maimed ; the seventh he devoted to 
 his prayers and post obits. It is with much diffidence 
 that I relate the whole story, because civilization in 
 England, at least round and about the Metropohs, is 
 now so refined, and candour so openly conspicuous in 
 every dealing where money is concerned, that the 
 virtuous indignation of all those whose own little 
 
19 
 
 peccadilloes have not yet been brought to light will 
 no doubt be highly raised, quite as much, however, 
 I'll be bound to say, against what has preceded as 
 against what is to follow. If you are not fond of a 
 little scandal, do not read on. 
 
 Mr. Weatherside was a very plausible and a very 
 punctilious Church-going man. No wonder : he was 
 cousin to the Kajah of Breakage, an owner of Church 
 property, and often resided on the Rajah's estate, in 
 the left wing of the family mansion, Rosicrucian 
 House, at Blackberry -cum -Sloe. The Rajah's 
 brother, it was said, had once taken orders for the 
 Church, but finding it too low for him, he now rode 
 the high horse. This brother was a perfect oracle, 
 and thought very lightly of the veterinary art. I 
 thought so too, and always shall whenever I have a 
 horse to dispose of. He, whether with or without 
 Mr. Weatherside, would take a horse from anybody, 
 and often get rid of it again within a week. When 
 these two gentlemen were together the effect was 
 perfectly stunning, for their ideas, thoughts, and 
 movements were as close, as similar, and as natural 
 as the Siamese Twins. You may suppose, then, it 
 was boldness for an inexperienced pupil like myself to 
 think to weather men of this stamp, but then I only 
 proposed attempting it on Mr. Weatherside, and it 
 
20 
 
 was upwards of sixteen months after his intended 
 kindness to me before I found an opportunity even 
 to do that. At the end of the Autumn, however, of 
 1862, I went one Sunday to the Church Mr. Weather- 
 side patronized w^hen in town. No consequence what 
 Church, it was nearly thorough-bred, carried a very 
 good head, had a straight back, but a slight curb on 
 the near aisle. On leaving, I was accosted unex- 
 pectedly thus : " Spurs, I have been inquiring for you 
 the last fortnight. I have a horse at Great Gloom I 
 don't know what to do with ; could you accompany 
 me there to-morrow, I can put you up very com- 
 fortably ? " 
 
 Standing as I was, at a Church door, I replied 
 (Mr. Weatherside being only a few yards in front of 
 me) "I am timid to talk of horses, but promise to 
 treat me to a little pure milk, pure cream, and pure 
 butter, not one of which have I ever tasted in London 
 the last five years, though I have paid heavily for the 
 same, and I'll be Simon Pure your humble servant." 
 
 We went ; the horse was shewn me ; Chameleon 
 was his name. " Who have you consulted ? " I 
 asked *. 
 
 " Oh, there's nobody here to consult, and if there 
 
 * Neither of the three gents mentioned ever paid for a licence. 
 
21 
 
 was it would be of no use. All who know of the 
 circumstances recommend his being shot. Isn't it a 
 pity, such a fine animal ? " 
 
 " Well," I said, " I am fond of doctoring a little, 
 but this case is quite beyond me. Kather, however, 
 than he should be shot, I will give you ^.10 besides 
 half that he may realize, and will take him back in 
 the train at the end of the week." 
 
 This was accepted with many thanks. Chameleon 
 was safely led into a well padded horse-box on the 
 morning of Friday, shortly after daybreak, and insured 
 for aC.120, I being in the same compartment in front 
 in the place reserved for grooms. My nostrum 
 a profound secret to everybody. Do not think I 
 insured with any intention of hurting the poor animal 
 and thus further punishing my former silly brother- 
 shareholders of this line who had lost half their 
 capital, and then grumbled because the directors 
 throve on their credulity. No ; my retaliation was 
 to be reserved for Mr. Weatherside, to whom I 
 shortly afterwards rode the beautiful Chameleon, 
 showed the insurance ticket, and said that magnificent 
 as he looked, he was not exactly the kind of horse I 
 wanted, and offered to exchange for a chesnut that 
 they both had guaranteed their relative the Rajah 
 eighty guineas for at least. 
 
22 
 
 " I'll tell you honestly what I'll do," said Mr. 
 Weatherside after some little parley, '* if you'll leave the 
 horse here till to-morrow morning so that I may look him 
 over, I'll promise you the exchange you want, and you'll 
 find mine much more suited for your purpose than 
 your own kingly looking creature, fine as he steps." 
 
 '* Well," I answered, "I am really of your 
 opinion ; hut I would prefer his sleeping in his own 
 well secured loose box. He shall be down to you by 
 nine o'clock, and I will call a little before twelve ; 
 you will then have had trial enough. As to examina- 
 tion a blind man could tell there's not much of that 
 required." 
 
 No objection was made to this very fair suggestion. 
 I was certainly in a great fright at the proposal for 
 poor Chameleon to sleep in a strange bed, but I would 
 have risked even that rather than have lost the chance 
 of reimbursing Mr. Weatherside. Chameleon was 
 sent down before nine, and I did not follow until 
 after twelve, thereby showing no hurry. The Rajah's 
 brother, Mr. Poser, had by this time exercised him 
 well, and at the moment of my entry was still 
 examining him, I suppose for the half dozenth time. 
 He thereupon politely stopped any further scrutiny 
 whilst we exchanged salutations, and then he 
 commenced again by staring into the poor animal's 
 
23 
 
 eyes. This is not infallibly the best method of 
 discovering anything wrong in, or about, that part. 
 I adopt a very different system. I watch most 
 attentively the man's eyes instead, and often find my 
 reward : but neither Mr. Weatherside nor Mr. Poser 
 condescended to look into my countenance, so I had 
 the better opportunity of looking into theirs, and I 
 was not long in discovering that Chameleon was 
 pronounced to be a positive trump. 
 
 Mr. Poser now opened the conversation with 
 *' He looks tolerably right ; the off eye appeared to 
 alter in brightness before I exercised him but I 
 can't see anything defective." 
 
 " Eye ?" quickly repeated I, as bold as a sheep, 
 *' I will guarantee both his eyes with any special 
 warranty you like if you don't object to any other part 
 of his head." 
 
 This they could not, for the exterior conformation 
 was perfect ; so then with just a slight glance at each 
 other which bespoke their entire concurrence, agree- 
 ment, and satisfaction, Mr. Weatherside turned to me 
 with " You can take the Chesnut in exchange, if 
 you desire to have her." 
 
 The Chesnut was brought out, and I, looking 
 very loth to part with the beautiful Chameleon 
 now ventured to speak with easy confidence. "I am 
 
24 
 
 going into the country this afternoon," I said (You 
 should always be going into the country a few hours 
 after getting rid of a horse) " and I hope the Chesnut's 
 shoes are firm." 
 
 "No fear," replied Mr. Weatherside, and he 
 whispered, " No need to say anything about this 
 exchange." 
 
 <' Dumb as a mute," retorted I, and then in 
 the hurry of the moment, anxious to bestow some 
 slight compliment that might be mutually suitable, 
 and just bring to the surface the open and candid 
 dealing between us, I added, " I have behaved to you 
 very fairly, have I not — ^just as I know you would 
 have behaved to me ? " 
 
 " All right," returned Mr. Weatherside, " Polly," 
 that was the Chesnut, " will keep her condition on 
 two feeds a day. Good Morning ;" and we parted. 
 
 Now for the sequel. Chameleon was for the Kajah, 
 who was to give something in addition to the eighty 
 guinea Chesnut for him ; and he asked Mr. Weatherside 
 to ride the following day to Highgate that Sir 
 Dashing Driver might take an envious view of so 
 superb a steed previous to his departure for Black- 
 berry-cum-Sloe. Mr. Weatherside left at half-past 
 three with the intention of returning early, for there 
 was company to dinner at seven, when just before sunset 
 
25 
 
 (it was generally towards evening that Chameleon's 
 appearance unexpectedly changed) as he rode gently 
 along on the broad green sward, on the brink of 
 the muddy ditch on his right, half filled with bushes 
 and stingijig nettles, Chameleon suddenly stopped, 
 shook his head strangely, and looking up to the sky 
 in a suppliant manner that seemed to say " Oh ! that 
 such a Merciful Make-believe as you should ever come 
 to grief," upon his knees he went in an epileptic fit, 
 slobbering away like an overfed calf, and gradually 
 sliding down the slope into the ditch, pulling the rider 
 with him. Sad misgivings now overtook the mind of 
 Mr. Weatherside, but, assistance having been 
 procured. Chameleon, in half an hour, was got out, 
 led away gently, and by the time dinner was over they 
 both arrived at the town residence. A consultation 
 was held the following morning and a kind of half 
 threatening style of polite letter dispatched to me in 
 in the country. It might be construed to mean, 
 '' Bring the Chesnut back again, and we shall all be 
 contented, otherwise exposure may be resorted to ; " 
 but I did not read it in that light, and long before it 
 reached me poor Chameleon had suffered another 
 attack. The following answer was returned : — 
 
 "Mr. Spurs' compliments to Mr. Weatherside, 
 the Rajah, and Mr. Poser, and he is much concerned 
 
26 
 
 to hear of the novel affliction supposed to have over- 
 taken Chameleon ; the more so as Polly was so much 
 admired by his very particular friend the Prince of 
 Homburg, that she is gone abroad. Mr. Spurs would 
 rather attribute Chameleon's ailing to fright from 
 hearing unexpectedly some piping noise which may 
 have caused a convulsive nervous twitching of the hind 
 leg, and the consequent fall among the stinging 
 nettles. Prayers, alternating with ' Pigeon ' Plasters 
 will be found most efficacious whenever dizziness in the 
 head is detected." 
 
 I heard nothing further nor will you until you try 
 to persuade me that fiddle heads, drooping quarters, 
 and hugged tails are becoming for a respectable person 
 to ride. And that crooked legs, gummy ancles, and 
 contracted feet are of no consequence. 
 
 Kegarding Shoeing, there are French, American, 
 German, and various English Shoes to choose from. 
 I always keep to the one laid down in my own book ; 
 and I am ready to wager another half sovereign that I 
 will keep my horse's heels as open with that shoe under 
 my treatment, as any man from any country will his 
 horse's heels with his shoe under his treatment. If you 
 wish to know my treatment it consists in tarring, never 
 paring, the frog, and keeping the feet moist by using 
 
27 
 
 large leather boots ; or else Felt Swabs, with Cherry's 
 pads all the summer nights and half of the winter 
 nights. Without boots or swabs the best shoeing, 
 even from the most celebrated professional forges, will 
 often fail to keep the heels open. 
 
 Now, omnipotent Judges and Jury, I have given you 
 information gratis, rendering to many good for evil. 
 If you earnestly desire to have seats on The Bench, 
 and to keep your critical heads clear of the Macadam- 
 ized soil of this wicked world, use freely but truly, the 
 understandings inside them for the improvement of the 
 horses' UNDERSTANDINGS ; and as I have written 
 solely with the object of leading all Outsiders and 
 Free Thinkers on this subject into the straight path, 
 " Go you and do likewise." 
 
 BLUNT SPURS. 
 
LETTER II. 
 
 In the Sporting Gazette of September 1869, there 
 is a long dissertation under the head of "Arab Horse." 
 The writer therein quoted, seems to be of opinion that 
 horses in England, have, on the whole, really improved 
 during the last thirty years. If this is correct then I 
 should say that thirty years ago a very large number 
 of blood horses must have hopped on one leg, for 
 certainly there are very few five-year-old thorough- 
 breds now-a-days to be found with two, that is, whose 
 legs and feet can be pronounced satisfactory by any 
 competent judge. 
 
 Keferring to the former celebrated horse 
 " Childers," the writer says, " Fancy a race-horse 
 with a short square dock ! I wonder they didn't clip 
 his ears like those of a fighting dog." A race-horse 
 with a short square dock (I have seen Childers drawn 
 differently) is certainly not at all in unison with good 
 taste, nor with the taste of the present age. Crooked 
 
29 
 
 legs and contracted heels should be much less so. 
 The former would not produce any malformation in 
 the offspring got by him, nor the slightest injury to 
 the future stock of horses. The latter, having been 
 caused by overwork, or by more work than the legs 
 can stand, would. He wonders " they didn't clip his 
 ears." I wonder more they don't now straighten 
 their legs before allowing them to be used for foal 
 getting. The writer thinks that Childers never went 
 the pace attributed to him, for stop-watches were not 
 always to be relied upon in those days. It forms no 
 part of my creed to believe, or disbelieve, the accounts 
 of his speed any more than it does to believe that 
 some of the celebrated sires of the present time have 
 the beautiful legs at five years old they are drawn and 
 painted with at three. " Facts are stubborn things ;" 
 I say so too. Let us all then see for ourselves, and 
 believe, or disbelieve, according as our own eyes may 
 be straight or askew. Put no faith in paintings nor 
 in descriptions. 
 
 The writer praises the '' Flying Dutchman." Un- 
 doubtedly the greatest part of him was superb, and the 
 same may be said of " Muley Moloch," but I should 
 be very sorry to bet that the legs and the feet of either 
 were straight and perfect at five years of age. A two- 
 year-old by the former was offered me many years 
 
30 
 
 ago for 300 guineas. At the first glance I thought 
 him very cheap, and was almost about to purchase ; 
 but on walking round to the near side, my eye caught 
 the very slight tendency of the forelegs, if not exactly 
 to crook, at least to swerve out of the proper symmetrical 
 line, so I declined giving more than 300 shillings. 
 
 The writer next supposes the English thorough- 
 bred horse has possibly, after all, but a very 
 homoeopathic dose of the Arab blood in his veins. 
 Very likely ; and he may be in want of more ; but, 
 whether he has or not, half the riders in England 
 probably neither know, nor care. What they do care 
 about is this, that they have now to travel and trudge 
 more than double the distance of former times, 
 before they can alight on any which do not betray 
 some malformation in their legs or feet. And if those 
 concerned do not soon administer some tremendous 
 doses of fresh orthodox, clean, unblemished leg, and 
 good foot blood, of some country, into the sires and 
 dams destined to produce the future stock, then, that 
 portion of the public who refuse to be seen mounted 
 on blood animals, however fine shaped above, but 
 with such second or third-rate legs and feet below, 
 will have to travel further still, and over to France or 
 Germany, or elsewhere, to procure them. It does not 
 require a man " to ride as well as he did ten years 
 
31 
 
 ago" to be able to tell whether a horse has "boulets" 
 about his ancles, or bent legs and bad feet ; ladies 
 and boys and girls of fifteen years of age point them 
 out in a minute. 
 
 Arab horses of 14 hands 2 inches high (which is 
 about the height of the best blood) will of course 
 stand no chance for speed against English of 15 to 16 
 hands. You have got the speed here in England in 
 the English horse. You have got the crooked legs 
 and the right well contracted heels into the bargain. 
 Carry your training on for the next hundred years in 
 the same manner as you have for the last hundred, and 
 what queer looking stumps blood horses from five to 
 six years old would have ! The legs and feet then of five- 
 year-old Enghsh thorough-breds will stand no compari- 
 son for beauty, straightness, and wide frogs with those 
 of the Arab ; the Arabs will take the prize in that 
 respect at all events unless they should be kept under 
 English training management in this country for a few 
 years, and then they may become as crooked as their 
 neighbours : but when I was in India (some time ago, 
 certainly) it was about as difficult to find a five-year- 
 old blood Arab with the double fault of crooked legs 
 and contracted heels as it now is difficult to find an 
 Engligh thorough-bred of five years old with the double 
 virtue of straight legs and perfectly open heels. 
 
32 
 
 Tho writer also inquires how it is that Arabs 
 purchased, presented, exported, &c. from the East to 
 Europe are now found to compare unfavourably with 
 the English thorough-bred. Partly for the same 
 reason that English horses purchased, presented, 
 exported, &c. to India, malgrc their superior size and 
 speed, compare unfavourably with the Arabs there. 
 There's a wheel within a wheel, as ancient perhaps as 
 one of the wheels in the vehicle mentioned in the 
 letter as Pharaoh's chariot for some of these impor- 
 tations and exportations. As to Pharoah's horses they 
 were far from being pure blood, if I am to take the 
 statues exhibited of them as fac-similes. Two English 
 Entires I once saw destined for India that I would 
 not have ridden on a Sunday (independent of which no 
 entire horses should ever have been sent to the studs 
 in that country : it was mares that were so much 
 needed) and I have seen Arabs nearly as indifferent 
 shipped from the East to Europe. With regard to 
 their " mysterious pedigrees " no sensible man should 
 attempt to dive into those : that should be left to the 
 orthodox, with heads brimful of faith, to unravel. A 
 French Cure solved the riddle for me as correctly as it 
 ever will be solved. He was imparting to me informa- 
 tion on the pedigree of his religion when I reminded 
 him of his promise to give me that of the Arab in his 
 
33 
 
 stable. He then ejaculated " Oh! mon ami c'est iin tres 
 grand mystere." I presume he meant tlie pedigree of 
 the Arab. Those who desire it, and will listen to 
 reason, may clear up the mystery for themselves and 
 dispense with all pedigrees. An Arab that has the 
 proper build and energy will carry his pedigree in his 
 toiit-ensemhle, and so will an English horse. But 
 recollect that two horses from the same sire and dam, 
 may have very different build, and very different energy, 
 and one may be worth ten times that of the other ; 
 for if one of these should be foaled with a small eye, 
 or with small girth, or with ill-shaped quarters, or 
 should during faulty education get a crooked under- 
 standing, and puffy ancles with contracted feet, he 
 would lose in value as much as a Sevres vase would, 
 if a piece had been broken out ; or as a lady's point 
 lace dress would if a few holes had been burnt in it. 
 The article would be ruined. A thorough-bred Arab 
 or a thorough-bred English horse should possess the 
 following build : a straight spine and long quarter, 
 straight from the croup to the tail, with the latter well 
 carried : a muscular and handsomely dropped hind leg 
 with the thighs broader than the haunch bones ; a 
 round barrel swelling well out behind the elbows with 
 great depth of girth ; a moderately broad chest ; an 
 oblique and very deep shoulder ; a light neck ; a well 
 
 c 
 
34 
 
 set on lean head, wide flat forehead, and deer-like, with 
 a large brilliant eye, thin open nostril, deep mouth and 
 small silky ear ; the upper inner hones of the knees 
 and hocks large, having the back sinews clean, power- 
 ful and wide away from the suspensory ligament ; the 
 forelegs being planted indubitably straight, and the 
 whole covered with a fine thin skin finishing with short 
 tough feet, but with large bold frogs. Here is 
 thorough-bred for every country, and no other should 
 be sought after from any country. Devote this build 
 in sire and dam to speed, and speed with beauty will 
 be inherited. Devote it to trotting and trotters with 
 beauty will be inherited. Devote it to hunting, and 
 hunters with beauty will be inherited. Devote it to 
 rearing for parade, and handsome chargers will be 
 produced, while all four will carry their pedigree in 
 their graceful build, and pleasingly animated counten- 
 ances. Arabs of pure caste may be very ill adapted for 
 heavy weights, and they are likely to remain so until 
 they have gone through a few generations in this cold 
 climate and become enlarged ; but on the other hand 
 you will find that English, quite thorough-bred, are 
 often sold, notwithstanding their magnificent pedigrees, 
 for a much less price than three-parts breds of good 
 form, solely because they are weedy and small barrelled, 
 with indifferent legs and feet. For either English or 
 
35 
 
 Arab horse search then for the build, points, energy, and 
 graceful appearance as above described, and if the 
 stock should be free from all defects in the extremities, 
 the sire and dam undefiled by bent legs, uncon- 
 taminated by bubbles around the ancles, and uninjured 
 in any way by overwork, you will not only have pure, 
 but valuable pure blood, and a treasure not to be 
 trusted to a trainer. 
 
 A word or two of minutice now for the uninitiated. 
 Always endeavour to obtain your first inspection of a 
 horse when he is half asleep in the stable, so that 
 you may see how he stands with his forelegs whilst 
 dozing. This can always be done in the East where 
 the Arab horse may be seen in his stall quietly 
 standing and quite undisturbed ; and the moment he 
 is led out at a walk, with the accustomed gentle 
 treatment he receives, up go his head and tail 
 naturally, and his clean straight legs are put out 
 gracefully. But in England you meet with the very 
 reverse of all this, for the moment you enter the stable 
 the whip is rapped against the wall, to induce all the 
 inmates to rest their forefeet down firmly which many 
 of them from tenderness would otherwise have been 
 unwilling to do ; then when you ask to have one led 
 out ginger is applied, to which the operator should be 
 also treated, and, what with the whip on one side, and 
 
36 
 
 rattling the hat on the other, the animal is made to 
 move very like a frightened bullock. Why is this ? 
 You go to see the horse, to inspect his eyes, legs, feet, 
 and his natural action which the seller instead of 
 assisting, seems determined to prevent. Does he act 
 in this way because his horse has good carriage and 
 solid pins, or because he has not ? 
 
 I will not attempt to dilate more at present on the 
 form of the horse, but let me ask this fundamental 
 question, "Are horses with straight legs and wide 
 frogs, or those with crooked legs and narrow frogs, to 
 be deemed tlio proper model of good build and shape ? " 
 If the latter, then let us have new human forms also 
 to throw into the shade and to eclipse the Apollo 
 Belvidere and the Venus de Medicis ; two forms with bull 
 necks and bail of cotton waists for instance. Surely 
 that would not be so unsightly nor so painful to look 
 at as horses with bandy legs and contracted heels. 
 
 In conclusion, I cannot refrain from eulogizing the 
 
 Latin proverb, at least the translation of it, contained 
 
 in this dissertation. All horseman, I hope, will 
 
 entirely concur in it, and no breeders ever forget it : — 
 
 " Fortes creantur fortibus et bonis." 
 
 Ponies, that are good, breed good, and useful ponies. 
 
 Here is a clear admission, I hope not unintentional, 
 that " like will beget like." The iustructor of my 
 
37 
 
 youth claimed knowledge of two poetical lines, wliich 
 conveyed the same meaning, if not in such elegant 
 diction, at least in quite as comprehensive language 
 for the minds of us ordinary pupils ; and it is 
 evidently much needed that they should he uppermost 
 in all our thoughts now a days : — 
 
 " Ere you purchase any lot scan the legs of sires and dams of urns, 
 For sure it's those with bandy legs what begets the bandy 
 legged uns." 
 
 Not having learnt Latin (wliich, hy the hy, none 
 of my progeny shall until they have first learnt to 
 distinguish straight legs from crooked ones) I will 
 write a French proverb in return ; and though my 
 rendering may not be verbatim and literally correct, 
 still it is construed most appropriately for the Turf : — 
 
 *' Bois tortu fait feu droit." 
 Crooked wooden legs make an even blaze for betting, 
 The veritable object being solely money getting, 
 
 " Les achetez vous-meme, mais pas pour moi." 
 They'll do very well for the rich man, but not for us poor. 
 
 And all who are not possessed of more money 
 than brains will leave them to the full enjoyment of 
 that enticing green, soft, and moist turf so admirably 
 adapted to their tender understandings. It is cruel 
 to put them to any other use than that for which they 
 have been so carefully educated. 
 
38 
 
 These two letters are given for the small sum of 
 Is. in order to obtain your charitable subscription for 
 the New Orthopedic Hospital for the straightening of 
 horses' legs from the knee downwards, and the opening 
 of their heels, about to be erected under the 
 auspices of 
 
 BLUNT SPURS. 
 
LETTER III. 
 
 ■*' De rebus cunctis et quibusdam aliis." 
 
 Befriend a man with kindly counsel in what 
 Englishmen, above all other men, by way of exalting 
 their Island and themselves, delight in calling a 
 barbarous and uncivilized country, and substantial 
 worth is often meted out in return. Attempt the 
 same beneficent action in your own refined community, 
 to your own enlightened brethren, and you may per- 
 chance come in contact with a civilized savage and 
 dire foe for your pains. The cause of this is not 
 very difficult of explanation. In the first place our 
 foggy Islanders dread a frank confession that those 
 they term barbarous are far superior to themselves 
 in many virtues ; and in the second they are fearfully 
 jealous of an unknown man presuming to give 
 information, where it is neither asked for nor wanted, 
 
40 
 
 especially where if followed it might tend to interrupt 
 the golden free trade in promissory paper. But to 
 inveigh against betting is not my intention. I love 
 it. Bet away, say I, to yom- heart's content, only 
 it would be an extra security if all the amounts were 
 deposited at the time the bets were made ; or if all 
 were put in the pillory who failed to pay, and were 
 afterwards kept working on the roads until they had 
 earned sufficient to do so. The depositing first, how- 
 ever, would obviate all difficulties and unpleasant- 
 ness. 
 
 My former two letters I find have proved highly 
 displeasing, not only to a martial man but a martial 
 martyr, whose legs after perusing them were observed 
 to quiver very similar to some of his own horses, for 
 he very naturally thought that the expose of tremu- 
 lous and bent legs might be somewhat injurious to 
 their sale. It was on the 31st of March, as I was 
 travelling down from the upper counties, I found 
 myself seated opposite two good-looking men — the one 
 fair, the other dark. These turned out to be Count 
 Garniture and Colonel Backgammon. The former 
 rummaging his handsome morocco bag, pulled out 
 the foregoing two letters and handed them to his 
 friend. The latter, after perusal, returned them 
 muttering the words : " Great humbug ! " but adding, — 
 
41 
 
 " I have to ride out towards Camden Town to-mor- 
 row, and I shall inquire at the College if the name 
 of the writer is known there ? " True to his expressed 
 intention, Colonel Backgammon, accompanied by 
 the Count, did ride out to that neighbourhood on the day 
 following the 31st of March, but being strangers to the 
 locality, as well as the architecture of the building, they 
 rode about until they unexpectedly found themselves 
 opposite the huge, ponderous doors, of that sacred 
 edifice. Then they commenced staring on the richly 
 emblazoned colossal gold letters in magnificent 
 bas-relief fixed directly under the royal arms, and they 
 saw inscribed the much dreaded College motto : — 
 
 " NO MUFFS ALLOWED TO ENTEK HERE." 
 
 At this moment, one of the College grooms who 
 happened to be at hand, observing their perplexity, 
 and feeling doubtful whether they did not belong to 
 the above-named prohibited class of individuals, who 
 often bear such striking resemblance to much of their 
 own blood stock — having passable heads but weak 
 understandings — politely demanded their pleasure. 
 
 " Why," spoke Colonel Backgammon, "we were 
 desirous of learning whether a person of the name of 
 Spurs was in any way known out here ?" 
 
42 
 
 " A person of the name of Spurs," repeated the 
 groom. " You don't mean Mr. Bhmt Spurs ?" 
 
 " Yes," joined in Count Garniture, " that is the 
 name, Mr. Blunt Spurs." 
 
 " Oh, very well, indeed," continued the groom, 
 fixing his eyes on that part of the horse just below 
 the knee. " He's the architect of the new Orthopedic 
 Hospital; was once chief of all the amateurs." 
 
 Neither Colonel Backgammon nor Count Garni- 
 ture stayed to hear the concluding word of this sen- 
 tence. They had obtained the information they 
 sought, and the word " chief" quite paralyzed them; 
 so thanking the groom they, rather abrubtly, rode 
 away to their club, asking each other when they had 
 recovered breath, what was the last word of the 
 sentence. The Count, however, decided that it must 
 have been chief of anatomy ; consequently, as the 
 whole drift of the Two Letters was, — as far as the 
 sale of damaged stock is concerned, — opposed to their 
 pecuniary interests, they resolved to " chuck the 
 trash into the fire : they had no doubt the writer had 
 some object to gain." In this last su23position tliey^ 
 were right. The writer's object was, and is, the 
 welfare of the horse, not theirs, nor anybody else's, 
 who may be anxious to evade, and who appear to 
 have induced the Press to evade the real question at 
 
43 
 
 issue, which is : — Whether the racing of horses of 
 any age whatever, so as to crook their legs, does not 
 tend to the deterioration instead of the improvement 
 of the breed, if such horses should be sent to the 
 stud in that state, and one-half of the progeny should 
 be found, by the time they reach the age of five 
 years, to show the same hereditary defect ? That is 
 the question wanted to be answered and explained ; 
 and I have no great respect for the understandings of 
 those persons who cannot see evident proof of such 
 deterioration by a glance at the horse's understand- 
 ings. 
 
 There is a style of talk current of late, to the 
 effect that " our horses can't be so very bad, consider- 
 ing that we beat all the world in speed over the Turf." 
 Granted that you have hitherto almost always done 
 so, yet I very much doubt whether the public would 
 not infinitely prefer indubitable straight legs and 
 good open heels for either purpose of Charger, Hunter, 
 or Hack, even if got by a sire that had never been 
 trained at all, to taking deteriorated legs and feet merely 
 because they had descended from one who had gained 
 even the best of races. If racing has been kept up 
 for the last fifty years for improving the breed of 
 horses, surely by this time we ought to have blood 
 stock not only that is not so very bad, but one-half 
 
44 
 
 of which should be very good, and nine-tenths of 
 which, if intended for the stud, should be perfect at 
 all events in their legs and feet. How many now go 
 there with these requisites you may judge for your- 
 self by inspecting. Bear in mind, then, that those 
 who desire to purchase handsome horses of good 
 make, whether thorough-bred or only three -parts 
 bred, with a little more certainty than they have at 
 present, that their pedestals will be capable of stand- 
 ing fair work, without displaying symptoms of 
 hereditary impairment, will not rest satisfied with the 
 superficial argument : — that "our horses can't be so 
 very bad considering that we beat all the world in 
 speed over the Turf." That is very fallacious and in- 
 conclusive reasoning, for it has been accomplished at 
 the expense of the horse's lower stories, the melan- 
 choly state of which proves that one-half of them 
 though useful for the soft turf against soft men are 
 useful for little else. It is asserted likewise in the 
 same manner, and perhaps correctly in some points 
 of view, that your sheep can't be so very bad, indeed, 
 that you have the finest in the world ; and also the 
 finest strawberries in the world, though many con- 
 noiseurs are of opinion that by the forcing system, 
 pursued to get them, both have deteriorated in taste 
 and flavour. You have also, perhaps, the finest 
 
45 
 
 diamonds in the world with the Koh-i-noor, &c. ; but 
 if flaws were made in these by some boring process, 
 and part of the beautiful glitter destroyed by stain, 
 the diamonds by the same style of argument, might 
 still be called of the purest water — but would they 
 not greatly have deteriorated and become as valueless 
 for ornamental use as broken Sevres china ? Of 
 course they would. How much greater then is the 
 comparative deterioration of the finest of living 
 animals whose services are required for use, for 
 ornament, for healthy, agreeable excitement, and for 
 pleasure ; and what pleasure can persons of taste 
 have in bestriding young thorough-bred blossoms with 
 carcases more like lodging-house bolsters than well 
 shaped barrels, and whose limbs, even when straight, 
 have often a puffiness about the pasterns, the possible 
 precursor in these young things to premature petri- 
 faction. 
 
 There is another phrase likewise current which 
 influential horse orators fancy we ought to accept and 
 rest satisfied with. Finding the public becoming very 
 sceptical about horses in general, but legs in par- 
 ticular, they blurt out: — " Oh ! you can't get perfec- 
 tion in anything." Many novices in this line both 
 old and young, have I watched, who although at the 
 very first glance at the legs were perfectly cognizant of 
 
46 
 
 their irremediable form, yet taking leave of their 
 senses at the critical moment, have been quieted with 
 this phrase, and have persuaded themselves they 
 would afterwards be w^ell contented ; but month after 
 month has passed, and daily annoyance, as they 
 observed their acquaintances ferret these blemishes 
 out, has been all that fell to their lot ; so their 
 own original and naturally correct sight and judg- 
 ment, having by this insinuating speech been whirled 
 out of their heads, and shunted aside like unto the 
 unfortunate legs they now have on hand, and cannot 
 get rid of, they bravely resolve to simulate belief in its 
 virtue, to re-echo it, and spout it out for the benefit 
 of others. As they in their ignorance were misled 
 and deemed it unanswerable, so they are now reduced 
 to the alternative of suffering a fifty per cent, loss, or 
 of trying to instil the same delusive language, indis- 
 criminately into the heads of both friends and foes. 
 When brought face to face with these versatile merry- 
 go-round whirligigs, we also must boldly unfold our 
 knowledge of human nature, as well as of horse 
 nature, and convince them that we are not to be 
 dumfounded, nor taken off" our balance, as they may 
 have been, by the curt sentence: — "You can't get 
 perfection in anything," any more than by that of 
 " our horses can't be so very bad, considering that 
 
47 
 
 we beat all the world in speed over the Turf." It may 
 be very difficult to get perfection ; but that is no 
 reason why we should take a horse with legs, the 
 timber of which is partly decayed, any more than 
 we should take a carriage with wheels the timber of 
 which is partly decayed ; or a house the foundation 
 of which shows symptoms of sinking. Let the 
 principal supports at least be perfect. Do not be 
 hoodwinked then by any shallow or interested phra- 
 seology of this kind. For either carriage, house, or 
 horse, make first sure of the foundation. The super- 
 structure and the colour to harmonize with it (of 
 course the more requisite in proportion to the price 
 to be paid), must still be regarded as secondary to an 
 undoubted solid basis. 
 
 About eighteen hundred thorough -bred foals, it 
 is stated, are annually born in the United Kingdom ; 
 and I do not believe there are one hundred and 
 eighty of these, that ever reach the age of five years 
 with either perfectly clean limbs, or perfectly open 
 heels. Are the blood and training both so improved, 
 that not one in ten can be brought to the age of five 
 years pure and intact ? I fear they are ; and if so, 
 purchasers and pleasure seekers who pay, must have 
 the privilege of protesting against those pitiful pins 
 that so often accompany this pure blood, being ever 
 
48 
 
 allowed the remotest chance of reproduction, even 
 when intended to be allied with the commonest coach 
 or cart mares. The patronizing public have already 
 had too many pure pinchbeck deformities palmed off 
 on them. Race away every day in the week, the 
 French Sunday as well if you choose ; the better day 
 the better deed. Ill find time to take a peep between 
 prayers, and my object being the amelioration of the 
 horse's legs, "that can't be so very bad." Run all 
 barren mares and geldings to crook, if you like. Run 
 all colts and fillies not intended for the stud, to crook 
 likewise. That is only a species of cruelty to the 
 existing generation, and will not damage the off- 
 spring ; but those that are intended for the stud must 
 not be put to performances that in any way injure 
 their legs. If it is argued that nobody can tell how 
 much a young colt or filly can stand before the legs 
 and feet show deterioration, (I thought racing was for 
 improving) I answer, stop at all events the instant the 
 evil effects become visible. This is not done. They 
 are run on, supported by laced or elastic stockings, long 
 after their tender legs have betrayed evident symptoms 
 of the hereditary crook, solely because a race cf some 
 description can always somewhere be found, where 
 every bandy-legged and bolster-carcassed beauty can go 
 in with some chance of winning. Improve the under- 
 
49 
 
 standings of your own juvenile offspring, to as crooked 
 a form as you deem commensurate with improvement ; 
 but if we are to take any pleasure in seeing races, we 
 must have straight uncovered legs to look at, and not 
 bent ones with stockings on when they come to 
 perform. 
 
 The value of race horses for the present day 
 appears to be, firstly, for betting ; secondly, for 
 getting the fastest horse over the turf, no matter 
 whether the animal suffers by the training process or 
 not — occasionally, therefore, to prevent the fast 
 favourite going too fast and winning, even when 
 able, must necessarily be a virtue, and a proof of 
 regard for the legs ; thirdly, to obtain subscriptions for 
 the different stakes, &c.; and after all, to treat the 
 public to a sale of half-ruined wretched rips, and then 
 pretend to wonder that they grumble at the show, 
 and feel ashamed to take such extraordinary creatures 
 for the pleasure of ordinary riding. The time has 
 now come when all blood stock found to be afflicted 
 with the customary infirmities should be discarded 
 and banished from all respectable stables. The very 
 cabmen have commenced refusing the weedy dregs 
 when the pedestals have also sufi'ered. It would be a 
 great blessing if all that are found so visibly injured, 
 and that have been taken away from their natural 
 
 D 
 
50 
 
 soft turf to be brought on to the high roads, were 
 prohibited parading before the pubhc gaze. A 
 skeleton mule overladen with baskets of bricks ; a 
 lady's palfrey with galled withers ; a mangey donkey 
 with raw hips, are all distressing sights ; but none so 
 much oifend the eye as thorough-bred wrecks turned 
 adrift by their trainers with tortuous trembling 
 timbers. The managers of race horses were formerly 
 accustomed to physic many to death. After that it 
 was not uncommon to dim the sight and quite blind 
 others from the dark and hot state of their stables. 
 The latest improvement consists in crooking their legs 
 and contracting their heels. Surely these heavenly 
 inspired trainers, with all their wonderful knowledge, 
 might learn to use boots for the feet as well as laced- 
 np stockings for the legs. The latter too often fail in 
 their intended purpose, but a few guineas annually 
 spent on the former, and kept on every horse for 
 twelve hours out of the twenty-four, would save many 
 a valuable one from those detestable stomach-ache 
 giving, wired-in heels. 
 
 The present system of training, then, tends evi- 
 dently to the detriment, not to the improvement, of the 
 horse's understanding; but, by judicious management, 
 the most unblemished, solid, and straight legs, with 
 large frogs and wide open heels, might be combined with 
 
51 
 
 speed, and transmitted from sire to son with as much 
 certainty as the reverse now are ; only in order to 
 have the chances on your side for procuring these 
 advantages, both sire and dam must he in full posses- 
 sion of all these indispensable qualifications at the 
 moment they are sent to the stud. By strict attention 
 the most beautiful harmonizing colours, combined 
 with the much desired, but seldom found, graceful 
 carriage of head and tail, might as certainly be 
 produced and transmitted into the bargain. A golden 
 chesnut, for instance, with milk-white hind legs, 
 pleases the eye ; but a darker chesnut, if he should 
 have a mealy and lighter shade of leg than the body, 
 does not. A rich dark, or bright bay, with black 
 points, is no doubt handsomer than either of these 
 colours with lighter points. A stylish roan, with tan 
 muzzle, black mane and tail, and black points, is 
 much admired for harness, though this colour is rare in 
 the thorough-bred. A black horse is no doubt preferred 
 with black points. A dark brown also with ditto, though 
 a tan muzzle and white star on the forehead, is thought 
 to improve this last. A light brown, or the mouse 
 colour when a horse is clipped, verges on the ugly. 
 
 A report is gaining ground that a posse of owners 
 of hundreds of acres are contemplating the advocacy 
 in Parliament of our Cavalry being mounted on 
 
52 
 
 chargers with legs in the a la mode de Louis Quinze 
 style. The measure is deemed requisite in the interest 
 of the sellers, for as so many of our thorough-bred 
 sires are gradually relinquishing the old-fashioned 
 straight leg, and inclining to this new form, they 
 think "it can't be so very bad." As a seller, I am 
 sure I shall never attempt to throw any obstacle in 
 the way of so discerning a proceeding, but I would 
 respectfully suggest that the first batch of these 
 improved nags should be sent to the Koyal Horse 
 Marines, and that in passing through London, the 
 oriental custom of loose muslin bags tied above the 
 knee to hang over the hoof should be introduced. 
 This would be a double advantage in England, for 
 whereas in India it is resorted to to keep the flies off, 
 here it would be more profitably done to keep the eyes 
 off, and the vulgar horse -cry might be changed into a 
 horse-laugh. It would also serve to keep the 
 advocates of these odd-looking shapeless legs consistent, 
 and prevent them saying " they are of no con- 
 sequence ; " for when they happen to be purchasers 
 for themselves, not sellers, the bags should always be 
 on during the inspection, and kept on until the price 
 was concluded ; this would effectually serve to prevent 
 them blowing hot and cold at the same time. The 
 professional gentlemen attached to the above-men- 
 
53 
 
 tioned distinguished corps has hitherto heen in the 
 habit of rejecting all crooked-legged remounts and 
 other deformities, a practice similar to that of the 
 Surgeon-Major who rejects all club-footed or lop-sided 
 recruits, but the legislature may possibly be invoked 
 before long to make them more humane for the future. 
 Well, if in its generosity it can be induced to take all 
 the remnants of the present period into war-pay in 
 order to keep the peace, and award compensation to 
 all present proprietors on the strictest condition that 
 it really is clean, straight understandings that are to 
 be henceforth reared up, and no others, let us clench 
 with that compassionate understanding, and any 
 person found hereafter parading a bent and bung'd leg 
 in any public place should, like those who don't pay, 
 be put in the pillory. 
 
 Be it understood, however, we positively intend to 
 retain our full liberty to bet as we like. It is the only 
 sure path to test the Educational Scheme, and prove 
 whether Greek and Latin scholars or their dons either 
 can hold a candle to the wide-awake students under 
 turf tutelage, and stand an open vivci voce competition 
 with those algebraical bookmakers. Immediately they 
 venture out of their confined classical cloisters on to 
 geometrical going ground, they soon have practical 
 proof of there being no royal road to learning. Why 
 
54 
 
 did they not enter at that college first where four- 
 legged instincts are grappled with, serviceable science 
 plainly illustrated, and the art of moving forward 
 intelligibly expounded ? Their o^ti two-legged in- 
 stincts which must have warned many from the 
 beginning that horses, not Horace, was their ambition, 
 would then have been doubled ; and a couple of 
 seasons passed in that hemisphere, would have taught 
 them that vigilance was fully as needful as Virgil, and 
 would have lined their larder with something more 
 lucrative than Latin. Had Paterfamilias helped them 
 in this direction, they would have learnt the prosody 
 of the period, and would neither have been hoaxed nor 
 made a harvest of. The sign -posts were clearly up, 
 but with unpardonable purblind precipitation, they 
 took the wrong course, and according to the laws of 
 Nature's Club, they have been distanced ; the con- 
 sequence is they are now left to deal in promissory 
 paper, while their half compromised classical Paters 
 are deservedly left to pay the piper. There may be 
 still time for some to retrieve. Though well milked, 
 they may not be muffs, but there is a deal of leeway, 
 I calculate, to make up, and unless they "go in" 
 to listen to the latest interpretative lectures which, I 
 can vouch for, are eminently demonstrative of the 
 fact that with full knowledge of a four-legger, they 
 
55 
 
 would be rarely baffled by a two-legger, I doubt 
 their ever being able to beat to windward of their 
 adversaries. Try then " Reculez pour mieux santer." 
 
 But what is to be done with those paradoxical 
 politicians who have striven to upset this betting test 
 of crucial education, and to lead the country off the 
 proper scent ? The subject in dispute is not the 
 keeping of human heads straight so much as the 
 keeping of horses' legs straight, and morality consists 
 quite as much in the one as in the other, but as the 
 two sciences are admitted to be most intimately inter- 
 twined, the legislature will consequently best arrange 
 by taking them both in unison. With regard to 
 Messrs. Green and Gander, who, at the instigation of 
 Messrs. Muff and Milksop, proposed to abolish betting 
 merely because there would then be no other method 
 left of proving who might be right and who wrong ; 
 and who stated that if abolished it was to be hoped 
 that would bring on a fling at Tattersall's, they, seeing 
 the utter discomfiture, not to say ducking, they were 
 likely to bring on themselves, by attempting to bring a 
 civilized state into such a chaos, instantly recanted, 
 and disclaimed any such interpretation of their words. 
 Mr. Green said he had been misinterpreted, and 
 Mr. Gander said he had been misreported, and that 
 what Mr. Green really did mean, and what Mr. Gander 
 
56 
 
 really did say, was, that if betting was botched, not 
 that it would bring on a fling at Tattersall's, but that 
 it would bring the Ring to Tatters all. 
 
 Bravo, five to one on Green and Gander. Fifty 
 to one 'gainst Muff and Milksop. Good, still a dead 
 stop must be put to the propagation of crooked legs if 
 we are to be saved from a voyage across the Channel for 
 all descriptions of our equine requirements. Foreigners 
 have no need to be taught in what a straight well 
 formed symmetrical leg consists. They appear to 
 know it by natural instinct, and if they bid high when 
 over here they are not such gulls as to return home 
 with any that are damaged, or that show hereditary 
 malformation. They are capable of comprehending 
 Nature's instructions that " Like will generally beget 
 like ; " and by rigid attention to this, and not over- 
 working their young, there will soon be markets both 
 in Russia, Italy, Germany, and France, that will 
 compel you to acknowledge their understandings are 
 superior to your understandings, for it is to these 
 countries you will have to go, as well as myself; and 
 sick as I am of that pitching see-saw passage over the 
 water, I am sicker still of those pinched-in heels and 
 squinting stumps. I hear it said *' there are as good 
 fish in the sea as ever came out of it." That may be 
 so, l)ut on the English coast they must be wandering 
 
57 
 
 about frightened to show their legs, or there must be 
 something wrong with the fishermen or their nets. 
 Whatever it may be, those brought to the market are 
 seldom inviting, and if partaken of are found to be 
 very indigestible. 
 
 Once in my life, and once only, I purchased a 
 yearling without seeing the sire. I kept him, as I 
 always do the one or two I can aiford, until he was 
 turned of three years old before either breaking or 
 shoeing. The brute's legs notwithstanding began to 
 crook and bung before three months had passed, 
 though he never had more than ten minutes trot in 
 the day, and that very gently. A ploughboy, whose 
 eye once caught the bulbous bosses around his 
 pasterns, cried out to me, 
 
 " Sir, your horse has been galloping over my 
 grounds and purloining the onions." 
 
 " Gallop," I said in my innocence, " he is only 
 four years old, and has never had a gallop in his life." 
 
 " No matter o'that," returned the boy, " his father 
 did then, and he has stolen them from him." 
 
 This made me seek a sight of his sire's legs. " Sire 
 Harkaway." It was a sight. They strongly resembled 
 the legs of the Louis Quinze chairs, richly adorned 
 with holly stick knobs, being not only curved to that 
 fashion, but having lumps and bumps and bony 
 
58 
 
 excrescences all over ; thus my treasure that had been 
 taken care of at such trouble and expense during his 
 minority, was fast becoming Hke his once much 
 admired sire, despite bandages, and the never having 
 more than ten stone on his back, incliiding saddle. 
 He cost me, with keep, &c. £.115 before I ever 
 mounted him, and after sixteen months of walking 
 and very gentle trotting exercise I sold him for J£.17, 
 full J6.10 more than he was worth, though his upper 
 build, colour, and all else was indisputably correct. 
 That was not the worst of it. The affair became 
 known; I was laughed at, twice called a muff, and 
 had to resign my appointment as chief of the 
 amateurs ; the consequence has been that whereas 
 formerly I got twenty shillings for every copy of my 
 Griffin's Aide-de-Camp, I am now forced to sell these 
 most instructive Letters for less than twenty pence. 
 I relate the whole story here because Colonel Back- 
 gammon wormed it out of the under ostler at my 
 manufactory, by giving him half-a-crown, and he then 
 shabbily called upon his partner. Count Garniture, for 
 half of his lay out, or one shilling and threepence, for 
 the information. Take warning, and attend to the 
 poetical distich on this head in Letter II. on 
 page 37. 
 
 Travelling into other regions we alight on different 
 
59 
 
 kinds of horses, and different kinds of masters, 
 farmers, dealers, country and town gentry, &c. men 
 for whose especial benefit the owners of race horses 
 say they run their thorough-bred stock, and not only 
 say, but actually compel them to believe it. The farmer 
 breeders are treated first, but they often make their 
 selection quite regardless of legs and feet, for as they 
 keep the produce unbroken and unshod, until two, 
 three or four years old, the hereditary defects may not 
 obtrude until they are well out of their hands. The 
 misfortune both for themselves and the pubhc is, they 
 still cling to the hope that all the handsome points 
 there may be in the thorough-bred sire will be repro- 
 duced with the good legs and feet of their own dams, 
 and that all the bad qualities of each will be lost. 
 Common observation alone might teach how numerous 
 the chances are against them. If farmer breeders and 
 horsemen would all join together in collective wisdom 
 and determination, a far superior horse to what we 
 now get might soon be produced, and that quite 
 independent of any thorough-bred parents. Take a 
 three-parts to seven-eighths bred unblemished sire, 
 with about the same quantity of breeding in an 
 equally unblemished dam. Through this process the 
 same quantity of good breeding would be obtained as 
 by mixing thorough-bred blemished legged winners 
 
60 
 
 with half to three-parts bred mares, whilst the 
 produce would stand free of all leg defects, and would 
 be far more valuable and far more suitable for either 
 charger, hunter, or hack, than by keeping to the 
 present system, which too often brings forth the faults 
 of both. To have a perfect, and perfectly handsome 
 horse, it must no doubt be quite thorough-bred, though 
 there is not one thorough-bred in a hundred that 
 is perfectly handsome, yet if not quite thorough-bred 
 there is sure to be visible some httle want of superfine 
 form or appearance, either in the forehead, or jowl, or 
 lips, or nostrils, or ears, or eyes, or in the quarter, or 
 in the skin, or elsewhere, that will always denote a 
 falling short of perfectly handsome purity. 
 
 Three-parts to seven-eighths bred, out of two 
 clean, strong, straight, uninjured legged parents, is 
 what ninety out of every hundred horsemen want, and 
 this they might get. This they evidently have not. 
 The farmers, however, having gone on their own 
 erroneous principle, the dealers are unluckily often 
 left with only Hobson's choice ; and they, not for 
 once, like myself, but annually neglectful of the acute 
 axiom in the before adverted to poetical distich, have 
 the mortification to find that many of their purchases 
 will not even stand the breaking-in before the slant- 
 aside leg or other defect breaks out ; hence they have 
 
61 
 
 no alternative but to offer them to their confiding 
 customers as valuable fresh horses ; and if not valuable, 
 still fresh they undoubtedly are, and well suited to 
 freshmen, for they serve to impart to them valuable 
 experience. Many of the elite of this class on 
 " coming out " keep entirely outside the thorough-bred 
 railings, yet it is amusing to witness the adroitness 
 with which even their pockets are pruned in the small 
 way, and that, often, by their quondam own collegiate 
 friends. 
 
 " Quoerenda pecunia primum, virtus post nummos." 
 Make money by our horses ; virtuous donkeys are our forces. 
 
 Consequently they are from necessity continually chop- 
 ping and changing. The hunting season past, and all 
 the foxes gone under the hills, they jump to the conclu- 
 sion that this must be the most opportune time to come 
 over the " flats," and it is surprising to see what adepts 
 they suddenly become, not only in the knowledge of 
 rolling bandages, but also in subsequently getting rid 
 of their " capital cross country conductors." Their 
 very superior stable management has often been 
 graphically described to me. One has assured me of 
 the magical efficacy of his purifying plasters, and of 
 his evaporating lotions ; another of his unequalled 
 ointment for the feet ; while many have catechized 
 me as to why I could object to bandages when half 
 
62 
 
 the trainers, half the hunters, and half the dealers 
 used them. To these last I have replied that I had 
 not the smallest objection to bandages, but that I had 
 the greatest objection to legs that so much required 
 them. The answer, I am inclined to think, was fully 
 as useful as their unrivalled management. I have 
 visited the stables of these first-rate fielders. Stables ! 
 Animals tied up in stalls of about six feet in width, 
 so that it was dangerous to their backs even to turn 
 in. I have had occular demonstrative proof of the 
 manifold advantages of their treatment. Legs put 
 before me that any fox would be frightened at running 
 foul of, and that even harriers would feel huffed at 
 being hunted with ; yet there are countless cherry- 
 ripe crying songsters who would fain persuade me 
 that these oblong donkey-footed five and twenty 
 pounders, so well known with the Hack and Hansom 
 hounds for carrying peas around their pasterns, would, 
 like the trainers' cast off screws, do also very well for 
 ordinary riding, and would make such pretty park 
 paraders. Beautiful ! Nothing wanted but a bumpkin 
 on the saddle to perfect the picture. After Hstening 
 to these disinterested dissertations, I could not help 
 being forcibly reminded of the hairdresser who so 
 similarly eulogized his hair preparations, and assured 
 me of the certain improvement they would be to my 
 
63 
 
 head. I consequently took the hberty of asking him 
 one day how old he was. '' Forty-five," was the 
 reply. " Then I am fifty," I said; " and now 
 behold your own crown partly bald and partly grey, 
 whilst mine is neither the one nor the other. It 
 would better become you to ask me for a recipe how 
 to keep your hair in proper trim than to dilate on 
 your nostrums for mine." And this is my retort to 
 all chattering counsellors of stable treatment who are 
 unable to exhibit horses with either decent legs or 
 decent feet themselves. Look on this foot, I say, 
 then on that. 
 
 One of my cousins who came to cut up my 
 " country cows," (and he did it very correctly, yet 
 acknowledging he was a little baulked and could not 
 find much fault with the lower stories), remarked : — 
 " You are not a fair criterion to judge by. You 
 never work your legs crooked." That is the very 
 reason, I said, they happen to be straight — and the 
 same reason applies to my cows' heels ; they are never 
 closed, because I take good care to keep them open. 
 What English people want, is to have their harness 
 horses trotting about from two to four hours a day, 
 going from fifteen to twenty miles ; and their hunters 
 also to do double work, and both with impunity. 
 Coachmen have often a good share in looking out for 
 
64 
 
 • 
 
 tlie carriage horses ; and when there is no master the 
 selection is not unfrequently left entirely to them. 
 After about twelve months the bend, or the shaky, or 
 the round, or the holly-stick leg comes to view. 
 Coachee then won't allow that he could have chosen 
 rotten timbers ; nor will he allow, that if good, he 
 ever drove them into this state, so it is all put down 
 to the unaccountable, — a favorite expression with 
 those who won't take the trouble to open their eyes. 
 The truth is, the error is two-fold. The judgment was 
 at fault in choosing such legs ; and again in the in- 
 cessant trotting of them beyond what they have been 
 able to bear. Coachee has the whip in his hand, and 
 he is quite miserable unless he is incessantly ''just 
 touching them " to amuse himself, and that amuse- 
 ment upon inferior instruments is at a heavy expense 
 to the owner, that is, if he has any taste ; and if not, 
 and there is no dislike to driving such orthopedic look- 
 ing animals, why have laid out so much money in 
 purchasing what were thought good ? Why not 
 have taken a couple of cheap round-about wrinkled 
 legs from my hospital instead ? Or why not have 
 jobbed a couple of the regular stone pounders just 
 fresh from Jericho ? I have no pretension to driving 
 myself, but I drove two English blood horses about 
 Paris for a whole month without any whip, having sent 
 
65 
 
 the coachman back to London, because he could'nt 
 drive them quietly with one, and he thought it looked 
 so odd to drive them without. Every person, it is 
 said, has his peculiar qualifications, and I will back an 
 English coachman, especially a Londoner, to fill a 
 horse's pasterns quicker than any other native of this 
 planet ; and I will back his credulous master for the 
 most simple gaze of amazement when coachee, in re- 
 ply to any question about these pasterns, runs his 
 hand down them, and answers : — " Ah ! there's not 
 much the matter there." " Where ignorance is. bliss 
 'tis folly to be wise." 
 
 There may have existed a class of horses in 
 England some sixty years ago, at the time that 
 thorough-bred sires of six or seven years old, grown 
 to their full strength and having decently clean legs, 
 were procurable to breed from, that would have stood 
 a great deal of incessant work. There are not five 
 per cent, that will stand it now. Two seasons may 
 sometimes be got over, but if the stumps were rickety 
 in both the parents, perhaps not one. Had the sire 
 and dam been sought out and inspected before the 
 slave was decided on, it would have been easy to de- 
 tect any faults he might have inherited, and one could 
 then have judged with some little certainty whether 
 they lay in his parentage, or in his breaking in ; or 
 
66 
 
 whether they lay with the coachman, or with the 
 master himself; for there is no blinking the fact that 
 there must have been a faulty understanding some- 
 where. Arguments, excuses, and recriminations how- 
 ever will come too late when the evil is done, and 
 whether the pace may have been fast or slow, and the 
 distance thirty-five miles or only five miles, would 
 matter not ; more work would have been given than 
 the legs could stand, and every one that may be 
 brought into this over- worked state, will very properly 
 be condemned to suffer a diminished value of eighty 
 to ninety per cent, according to the quantity and size of 
 the peas, beans, or onions found in their fetlock fobs. 
 
 A most interesting letter from an universally known 
 gentleman, appeared in one of the daily papers some 
 two months ago, recommending the Government to 
 have regular studs so as to insure our cavalry, &;c. 
 being properly mounted ; and if some measure of the 
 kind is not resorted to, and the private breeders of 
 horses should also refuse to listen to the contents of 
 this little pamphlet on that subject, I fear we are likely 
 soon to go from bad to worse. The description of 
 horse required for cavalry purposes is stated in a few 
 words at page 65 of my "Aide-de-camp" before referred 
 to, as follows : — " Size, strength and activity with 
 fresh, strong legs, tough feet, and open heels, are the 
 
67 
 
 grand desiderata for the cavalry." To obtain these 
 quaHfications sires and dams must be chosen which 
 possess them ; and after that masters must be selected 
 who are capable of pairing these sires and dams to 
 the greatest advantage, so as to better any doubtful 
 point, and get rid of any undesirable white leg or dis- 
 pleasing shade of colour. There are few English 
 horsemen, stable-men, classical men, or moneyed men, 
 who do not deem themselves fully equal to this task, 
 and I have, therefore, only to state, that whether 
 they have gained their education in Blindfold Alley, 
 or in Castle Square, they will all eventually be com- 
 pelled to bow to the truism that " Like will beget 
 like." For though it is no very uncommon occur- 
 rence to alight on folks so clever as to be able to turn 
 all their geese into swans, yet it will prove labour in 
 vain to attempt to get horses from donkeys". 
 
 * The average weight of an EngHsh Life Guardsman, Heavy 
 Dragoon, Light Dragoon (Hussar), Light Dragoon (Lancer), 
 French Cuirassier, and German Uhlan is about as follows : — 
 
 Life Guardsman, . . . 
 
 Weight in 
 ordinary dress. 
 
 St. lb. 
 . 11 4 . . 
 
 Weight 
 when mounted 
 
 St. lb. 
 . 20 11 
 
 Heavy Dragoon, . . . 
 
 . 11 7 . . 
 
 . 19 6 
 
 Light Dragoon (Hussar), . 
 
 . 11 7 . . 
 
 • 19 1^ 
 
 Light Dragoon (Lancer), . 
 
 . 11 7 . . 
 
 . 19 
 
 French Cuirassier, . . . 
 
 . 11 11 . . 
 
 . 19 
 
 German Uhlan, . . . , 
 
 . 11 6 . . 
 
 . 17 2 
 
 According to this the average weight of a Life Guardsman is 
 
68 
 
 And now if you will take the word of a trusty 
 teetotaler, who never took stronger than half-and- 
 half, I am really in possession of an unguent of 
 unmistakeable value. The recipe was presented to 
 me by the present chief of Camden Town on the day 
 I resigned my appointment. To all choppers and 
 changers, plasterers and purifiers, it is worth a pound 
 
 a pot. 
 
 THE OINTMENT. 
 
 Take 1 drachm of full-grown caution, 
 
 1 drachm of strong common sense, 
 1 drachm of unquestionable good taste. 
 
 To this add two drops of clear- strained eyesight. 
 Mix and rub well into your own head. 
 
 The natural effect from sympathy will be quickly 
 
 the lightest of the six, but when mounted he is the heaviest. And 
 the average weight of a Light Dragoon appears as hea\y as a 
 Heavy Dragoon ; the only difference being the extra weight of five 
 or six pounds with the Heavy Dragoon when mounted. EngUsh 
 thorough-breds would no doubt be the best description of horses 
 for all light cavalry purposes, provided they had the indispensable 
 desiderata noticed above, with no mistake whatever below the Imee. 
 And if sires and dams alone were taken which possessed these, and 
 instead of being trained for the turf were gradually inured to rough 
 it a little in the open air, an hereditary predisposition in the year- 
 lings to greater hardiness would be the result ; and these yearlings, 
 when grown up, might then stand campaigning as well as their 
 original parents — the Arab horses, besides being able to carry far 
 heavier weights. The elegant contour of head, and the gracefully 
 carried tail of the Arab, as well as the fine limbs, have been lost 
 in more than one-half of the present English stock through in- 
 judicious crossing and over-training. 
 
69 
 
 visible in the straight clean limbs and open heels of 
 your horse. Should any crookedness, gumminess, or 
 contraction be seen after this, you may take it for 
 granted the ointment has been absorbed into barren 
 brains. Kepeat the dose and knock it, the head, 
 against the wall to rouse it into healthy action. 
 
 The foregoing pages having pointed out and fully 
 exemplified the impossibility of the public ever obtain- 
 ing what in this country they have a right to expect, 
 namely, a good horse for a fair price, unless the 
 present ideas of improvement and the present English 
 system undergo a very material transformation, I will 
 pen a consolatory paragraph for those few who, 
 discontented and ashamed at the appearance of the 
 thorough-bred riding horses they daily see, may be 
 anxious to get mounted on something more becoming 
 their own good taste, and more worthy their own 
 dignity. 
 
 In the existing state of affairs there is but one 
 path to pursue, but to those who take pride in their 
 steed it is worth the trouble to risk it. Go down 
 early in the spring to the Middle Park, Hampton 
 Court, or other stud, and take a view of the yearlings 
 in their rough state. Here you will find them like 
 diamonds unpolished, and here you must make your 
 selection. Considering a sight of both sire and dam 
 
70 
 
 are open to you this is not difficult to do. Then on 
 Waterloo day, if you are for the Middle Park, buckle 
 on your armour and return to the spot where your 
 selected treasure stands. The change in the appear- 
 ance from the long, furry, soft winter coat to the 
 short fine silky summer one, will have produced such 
 an alteration that, if unaccustomed to yearlings, you 
 may hardly recognize your choice, but having done 
 so, what before you were only delighted with you will 
 now be enamoured of. 
 
 Do not feel frightened at some of the favourites 
 being knocked down at from fifteen hundred to two 
 thousand pounds. That cannot be considered so very 
 enormous for yearlings that in two years time may 
 win twenty to thirty thousand, and where the owner 
 may have paid four or five thousand for the sire and 
 one to two for the dam. Under these circumstances, 
 with the stakes and betting in prospective, and the 
 beautiful state in which they leave the stud, they may 
 be cheap at two thousand pounds, though three years 
 after they may be dear at as many pence ; but as you 
 intend bidding only for shape and beauty, caring 
 naught whether the parents won or lost, or never ran 
 at all, you may occasionally become possessed of a 
 first rate for a clear hundred, a few more or less. Do 
 not lose your choice for a ten pound note, but having 
 
71 
 
 got it make arrangements for the due preservation 
 thereof in half to an acre of paddock to itself, with a 
 wooden shed about fifteen feet square, fronting to tlie 
 south at the end. Were you an owner of acres two 
 years run in this would cost a mere nothing, but in 
 that case you probably would not have the sense to do 
 it. If not an owner, about five and twenty to thirty 
 pounds each year (for a little corn must be allowed 
 during the spring and autumn as well as all the 
 winter), will cover the expenses and have to be added 
 to the purchase. To those who inveigh against this 
 method, saying " racing about fields will produce 
 windgalls quite as quick as work" I have to observe 
 fields were not recommended, nothing but an acre or 
 less; and also, if the sire and dam were free of 
 windgalls the chances are a hundred to one that your 
 purchase will remain free of them too. Exercise it 
 must have, and this is the only proper exercise. 
 
 At three years old it can be gently broken, but in 
 lieu of any shoeing whatever stand each foot in an 
 iron saucer, sunk a little in the centre, and not quite 
 red hot, for ten seconds, pouring into the saucer the 
 instant each foot is down a large tumbler full of the 
 strongest alum water. The crust will not chip after 
 this, and the operation should be repeated monthly, 
 putting some tar and grease to the frog afterwards. 
 
72 
 
 At four years old your treasure may have cost you 
 about J6.200, but if well selected as to shape, colour, 
 and carriage, it will be worth more than double, and 
 you may then, without vanity, bestow on it the 
 glorified name of the Koh-i-Noor, for there will be no 
 other handsome fresh and unblemished thorough-bred 
 to compare with it. '' Blair Athol," " Saunterer," 
 and now " Gladiateur," &c. are in high repute on 
 tliis estate at present, but for my purpose my fancy 
 went on " King John," and had it not been for an 
 unfortunate hole in my pocket I might at this moment 
 have had one of his descendants to rest a satisfied eye 
 on. Next year " nous verrons." 
 
 An ancestor of the renowned gentleman who will 
 knock down to you your selection, was possessed of 
 that superbly beautiful horse " Oakley." I had a 
 colt foal by him from " Alboni." Here neither sire 
 nor dam had a blemish of the slightest description, 
 and the foal having been born an exact counterpart of 
 the sire was of equal value to me. " Oakley" was a 
 bright bay with black points, Arab head and Arab 
 carried tail ; about sixteen hands high, and with legs, 
 feet, &c. all perfect; yet I was told that this 
 unsurpassed, I should say unequalled animal for 
 beauty, was permitted to leave the proprietors' pad- 
 docks for 800 guineas. Another at the end would 
 
73 
 
 not have made such a picture dear, for his very skin 
 was worth 500 if only to have stuffed for an exhi- 
 bition. This serves as a further encouragement to 
 all who will be content with perfectness of form and 
 colour to determine for themselves, and not allow 
 their own pure judgment to be confiscated at the 
 shrine of a list of performances. Au contraire, always 
 keep fully in memory and before your eyesight the 
 correct model of a perfect thorough-bred, or of the 
 George III. Statue, and wait patiently the eventful 
 day when all these enticing yearlings are destined to 
 quit their paternal home. On that morning, should 
 you be quite a stranger, seek before the service begins 
 to make your countenance known to the master who is 
 to mount the pulpit, so that when your choice is 
 brought to the front you may have confidence to nod 
 quickly and resolutely, for in less than a minute the 
 Amen will be pronounced by a tap of that hammer 
 from which there is no ajjpeal; but then I predict 
 that the plain English in which I have particularized 
 all the material points will have piloted you safe 
 to perfection. Should your object be solely for speed 
 and performance that is une autre chose, and you must 
 go to another pair of shoes for counsel, though I feel 
 pretty well convinced that by perusing these Letters 
 twice you will be equally well shod for that. A 
 
74 
 
 perfect form of thorough-bred charger may make an 
 excellent racer; for " Oakley," I believe, was one of 
 the fastest over the T.Y.C. course, whilst " Muley 
 Moloch," the finest horse I ever set eyes on for a 
 racer, would never have been esteemed so perfect a 
 form for a charger, so useful a form for a hunter, or 
 so beautiful a form for a park parader as " Oakley." 
 
 I have here reached that stage where I will answer 
 a question which I overheard not very complaisantly 
 put, " Who is this fellow. Spurs?" There are two 
 of us. We are twin brothers, and so alike that 
 nobody can tell which is which. He was christened 
 Sharp and I Blunt. Sharp is of few words, and 
 whenever he encounters another person of the same 
 name as himself he sheers off at once, merely saying 
 "No go," whereas Blunt writes, and sometimes 
 bluntly. We are citizens of the world. We praise 
 good horses and abuse bad in whatever country, 
 castle, or cabin we find them. We are thankful to 
 any person who will put us right or impart to us any 
 information ; but hark, we are neither of us to be 
 " Hark-a-way'd " a second time by any peasant, 
 prince, or prophet. Our united efforts have this 
 morning summed up all the foregoing parables into 
 the following short poetical prayer : — 
 
75 
 
 We like your English blood attached to good shaped Arab heads, 
 But we war against contracted heels, and also crooked legs. 
 If we're obliged to trot along on steeds with pinched-in heels, 
 'Tis just as bad as going to sea in tubs with rotten keels. 
 Our gallant tars don't take weak ships they cannot keep from 
 
 stranding ; 
 In mercy then give us straight legs — a clean, sound understanding, 
 And heads and tails, and colour too, our troopers now should 
 
 muster. 
 Then be a brick, rear stock hke this, 'twill give the country lustre. 
 Heed not, your ship and splendid crew may on French coast be 
 
 grounded ; 
 For " the last time," then, tack about, or dash me, we're all 
 
 drownded. 
 
 The cloth is now cleared and you have had a very 
 fair dinner for your Is. Qd., far better than you will 
 get from any opposition house ; nevertheless, as the 
 reflecting salver is garnished with apples, onions, 
 jaw-work, and cheese, I beg you partake of the 
 dessert. 
 
 First Plate . " On dit, " that a grand Committee for 
 improving the breed of horses is soon to be gathered 
 together. Not before it is time, and I herewith offer a 
 few maxims for its guidance which Dame Nature 
 instilled mto me at the time apples were first eaten. 
 
76 
 
 A black sire and black dam with black legs will 
 generally get a black foal with the same. If the 
 grand sire and grand dam were both black all over, 
 the chances are greater still the foal will be black all 
 over. If, in addition to this, the great grand sire 
 and great grand dam were black all over it would be 
 almost certain the foal would be black all over. 
 
 A bay sire and bay dam both with black points, 
 will generally get a bay foal with black points. If the 
 grand sire and grand dam were also bay and both 
 with black points, the chances are greater still the 
 foal will be bay with black points. If, in addition to 
 this, the great grand sire and great grand dam were 
 both bay with black points, it would be almost certain 
 the foal would be the same. 
 
 A sire and dam with Arabian cast of heads and 
 well carried tails will generally get a foal with these 
 handsome qualifications. If the grand sire and grand 
 dam had them, the chances will be greater still in its 
 favour ; and, if in addition, the great grand sire and 
 great grand dam had them, the foal would be almost 
 certain to have them too. 
 
 A sire and dam with straight and unblemished 
 legs and good feet will generally get a foal with the 
 same. If the grand sire and grand dam possessed 
 
77 
 
 these valuable qualities, the chances would be still 
 greater in its favour. If, in addition to this, the 
 great grand sire and great grand dam possessed them, 
 the foal would be almost certain to have them, and in 
 judicious hands to retain them all its life. If kept 
 out of a trainer's hands it would be quite certain. 
 
 A sire or dam with crooked or wind-galled legs or 
 bad feet, will generally get a foal with the same ex- 
 ecrable defects ; at least they will be nearly certain to 
 come if exercised beyond walking work until it arrives 
 at five years old, and great care must be taken even 
 after that. If the grand sire and grand dam had 
 them, the chances are, that with such a predestined 
 and pestilential pedigree you will be puzzled to what 
 purpose to put your prize. It is, however, rarely 
 requisite to trace back beyond the immediate sire and 
 dam. The verse relates that the same applies with 
 equal force to man : — 
 
 Symmetrical figure with beauty combined, 
 
 Proves true blood in horses as weU as mankind ; 
 
 The gi'V'ing great names then, or titles, 'tis clear, 
 
 Can ne'er change the blood though you call it " The Peer." 
 
 Perhaps you will say everybody knows all this, 
 and it is not worth an apple. Well, if everybody 
 knows it, the greater the pity somebody doesn't 
 
78 
 attend to it. The grand committee it is to be hoped 
 
 Take a horse with straight unblemished legs and 
 then break one by a blow. Or, take a horse with two 
 good eyes and then poke one out, the progeny would 
 not suffer the slightest detriment from those acci- 
 dents ; but it would be a very different affair if the 
 leg had been crooked, or spavined, or otherwise injured 
 by over-work, or the eye had been lost by disease 
 from hot and ill- ventilated stables. In these last 
 cases there would be a constitutional taint, and the 
 sire or dam would have so depreciated in value, as 
 to be instantly rejected by any man, whose taste was 
 not vitiated from having kept such company. Did 
 everybody know that before ? Well, then, if Parlia- 
 
 * Lord Byron wrote : — " Even to the delicacy of their hand 
 there was resemblance, such as true blood wears." A pretty hand 
 and foot in either sex is no doubt to be envied, but he had an equal 
 admiration for beauty of countenance, and due proportion of form ; 
 And for either male or female to be thorowjlibj good looking and 
 elegant, every point must no doubt be perfect. In these days of 
 education, however, a fine, fresh, free -going understanding will be 
 accepted as the most useful blood for either man or horse. 
 
 He also wrote : — That " the Egyptians worshipped an onion for 
 a God." If any unbelieving English choose to give their more 
 substantial gold in exchange for onions, they might, at least, imitate 
 the Egyptian good taste in not publicly allowing their horses to 
 carry them about their ancles. 
 
79 
 
 ment could only be persuaded to buy up all sucli dis- 
 figured parents, and pistol them, to preserve the pub- 
 lic from being plagued with their perfidious produce, 
 I could promise them plates of golden pippins. 
 
 Second Plate. This is strong seasoning for "the 
 season," but some horses do carry them, and some 
 riders do swallow them. Well, what are wind-galls ? 
 Well, what is a bottle nose ? Why a cruel ugly eye- 
 sore. Wind-galls then are when the oleaginous fluid 
 in the little mucous bags becomes inspissated and 
 thickened to the consistence of gum, hence the fet- 
 locks look gummy. When further diseased by over- 
 work, assisted by hereditary predisposition, they be- 
 come harder yet, like glue. At last, having en- 
 tirely ceased to be oleaginous, they are turned to the 
 cart for having turned cartilaginous. 
 
 And what are crooked legs ? Legs that are not 
 straight, and which you had better leave in the hands 
 of the trainers who crooked them. The effects from 
 sympathy are so great in respect to legs, that two 
 solid straight-legged arm-chairs belonging to Count 
 Garniture were, from their proximity to his racing 
 stock, found gradually bending to the Louis Quinze 
 fashion ; and though the cows' legs in the field resisted 
 it, their eyes were always found squinting askance 
 whenever they came within sight of them. 
 
80 
 
 Third Plate. These are plentiful and cheap, but 
 they are a hard, tiresome, and most insidious rehsh. Let 
 me offer you the crackers. Well, what are contracted 
 heels ? Heels where the wings of the coffin bone 
 from being squeezed for want of room behind, have 
 fluttered forward and settled down towards the toe. 
 (No professional writing will ever convey the mean- 
 ing so clear as that.) The foot in consequence has 
 lengthened out, and turned into a bell shape. When 
 tenderness first comes on freshmen are fond of send- 
 ing these feet into a salt marsh, but it will take a 
 great deal more salt than there is in the sea to bring 
 back the wings of the coffin bone from this abnormal 
 shape to their original form. If people would only 
 habituate themselves to keep the feet moist with a 
 daily two hours fresh water bath before contraction has 
 commenced, they would have no need to go searching 
 for salt marshes. 
 
 It is difficut to decide positively what is inside of 
 a nut-shell until it is cracked ; and it is equally diffi- 
 cult to decide positively as to the inside of a horse's 
 foot ; but as hard nuts make the teeth ache, so hard 
 roads make the feet ache, and without constant sur- 
 veillance this will rapidly lead to the pocket ache, for 
 as the heels diminish in width, so the homy frog 
 diminishes. As the horny frog diminishes so the sen- 
 
81 
 
 sible frog diminishes. As the sensible frog diminishes 
 so the fatty frog — the elastic cushion — diminishes, 
 and loses its soft unctuous matter, bringing it step by 
 step, perhaps not to the cart, but more certainly to 
 the charnel house. This state is greatly accelerated 
 by allowing the coachman (who firmly believes that the 
 inside of a horse's foot consists of one large piece 
 of solid flesh, which if squeezed a little behind will 
 push out in front " and be none the worse for it,") 
 to take the horses to Farrier Kno wall's to see, them 
 properly shod. It would be invidious to apportion out 
 the exact quantity of blame to be divided between the 
 master, the driver, and the farrier ; but the owner may 
 rest assured that when the foot is dissected, "just as 
 the season is coming on," the ends of one of the 
 back sinews which ought to have been partially im- 
 bedded in the naturally soft, fatty, elastic cushion, 
 will, from having been in contact with some dried-up 
 unyielding mass instead, invariably be found spread 
 out into the following capital letters — SEKVES YOU 
 RIGHT. The only effectual cure known for this state 
 after lameness has commenced, consists in giving six 
 drops of coffin drawback every six hours, striking the 
 coffin-bone at the toe at the same time with a sledge 
 hammer. Do not omit the sledge hammer. 
 
 Fourth Plate. " A good dinner deserves a good 
 
 F 
 
82 
 
 drink, and a bad dinner deserves a good drink to make 
 up for it." A good foot deserves a good shoe, and a bad 
 foot deserves a good shoe to bring it right. Well,^ — 
 but a well is no use without any water, and water is 
 the most essential requisite to bring a pure 
 bred foot into good order, or to keep it in that state. 
 Well, taste the Neufchatel cheese, and then we will 
 separate. That shoe and treatment must be allowed 
 to be the best that keeps the heels the most open, and 
 the foot in the best order. No one particular shoe is 
 suited for all kinds of feet but the shoe of Monsieur 
 Charlier, (as stated in a newspaper lately sent me), 
 not only keeps the heels open and the feet in good 
 order, but opens those heels that are closed, bringing 
 disorganized feet into their proper shape ; moreover, 
 wind-galls are found gradually to disappear under its 
 use. This last effect is beyond measure a most im- 
 portant desideratum, and the discovery is worth a 
 whole field of onions. As, however, you are likely to 
 find many horses which will obstinately resist deriving 
 all the above enumerated advantages, I strongly 
 recommend you to embrace the system you may have 
 gleaned from this more fruitful forge. I have a shoe 
 of my own fancy also, and with it and my treatment 
 wind-galls never appear, unless gained from the sire 
 or dam, consequently you need never be fruitlessly 
 
83 
 
 employed in trying to make them disappear. With 
 regard to the feet and heels I presume you will admit 
 that the proof of the pudding is in the eating. If then 
 you should dispute the following peremptory peroration, 
 I likewise presume you will be prepared to pay the 
 penalty. 
 
 Tar the frog which bring to the ground, remember now, to touch it, 
 Allow no stupid Know-all goose to take his knife and cut it. 
 
 BUT, 
 
 Lower the heel, shorten the toe, 
 Keep the foot in moisture, soak it. 
 And thus you'll get frog width, I'll bet. 
 Put that in your pipe and smoke it. 
 
 Unbiassed and horse-buying reader. Were you 
 ever in company with a man very much out of temper 
 saying, " I am not in the least angry ? " You will 
 observe the same kind of countenance whenever you 
 find anybody threatening to throw away these letters. 
 It would indeed be much more profitable to put them 
 under the pillow and sleep over them ; for the argu- 
 ments adduced in the literary warfare through the press 
 regarding the running of two and three-year-olds, 
 have about as much to do with directing the way to 
 obtain a good horse and avoid a bad one, or with the 
 improving the breed, as watering the top leaves of a 
 decaying apple tree would have to do with improving 
 it. An intelligent gardener with the interest of his 
 
84 
 
 public master at heart, would go to the foundation at 
 once and refreshen the roots, and see the stem was 
 not hacked about; the fruit by this means would 
 more likely be good and saleable than by any splitting 
 of hairs about the top leaves. 
 
 In conclusion, then, I think that on reflection, if 
 you are not in an angry mood, you will coincide with 
 most of the opinions here pronounced, otherwise I 
 must ask, whether there is not to be some acknow- 
 ledged orthodox principal to appeal to, to hold the 
 stakes, and decide between us ; for here we are with a 
 stable club thorough-bred committee militant, and 
 various sects of other descriptions likewise militant, in 
 this pre-eminently militant state. In the interim, 
 therefore, why should I not also take their united, 
 unchangeable, but most unconscionable motto ? 
 " Only let me and my party be the ruling power," 
 or " Guerre a outrance." 
 
 BLUNT SPURS, 
 
 Master 
 Over all the Donkeys. 
 
 Printed by T. Brettell and Co. 51, Rupert Street, Haymarket, — W. 
 
EQUALLY GOOD FOR PARK HACK OR HUNTER. 
 
 *' Comiue il est cliarmaiit." 
 
"- a a ggan' ^ 
 
 EQUALLY GOOD FOR PARK HACK OR HUNTER. 
 
 " C'uuiuie il est eliuniuuit."