LONDON. 
 
 CHAPMM&HALLL^. m3. 
 
MELLIN'S FOOD 
 
 FOR INFANTS 
 AND INVALIDS. 
 
 "Hazeldean, Kingston, 
 
 •'Jamaica, Oct. ^th, 1891. 
 
 "Dear Sir,— I send with this a 
 photo of our son, who is two years old, 
 and a big and strong boy for his age. 
 He is one of the numerous little ones 
 benefited by your excellent Food: and 
 even now if he sees anything brown 
 in a bottle saj-s it is ' nice Mellin's 
 Food.' and wants to taste ii. 
 
 " From the time he was five months 
 old he took Mellm's Food ; it 
 strengthened him so that now he eats 
 solids. Believe me yours truly, 
 
 ' ALICE LIDDELL. " 
 
 MELLIN'S 
 FOOD BISCUITS 
 
 (Manufactured by Carr Gr Co., Carlisle, 
 specially /or G. Mellin.) 
 
 Digestive, Nourishing", 
 Sustaining. 
 
 For Children after Weaning. The 
 Aged, Dyspeptic, and for all who 
 require a simple, nutritious 
 and sustaining food. 
 
 Price 2s. and 3s. 6d. per Tin. 
 
 MELLIN'S EMULSION 
 
 OF COD LIVER OIL AND HYPOPHOSPHITES. 
 
 The Finest Nutritive and Tonic Food for Delicate Children and Weakly Adults. 
 
 VERY PALATABLE, EASILY DIGESTED, PERFECTLY SAFE, 
 
 Price 2s. 6d. and 4s. 6d. per Bottle. 
 
 samples, pamphlet, and prospectus, post free on application to 
 MELLIN, Marlboro' ^A^orks, PECKHAM, S.E. 
 
/J^ ^^**-*c^l^ 
 
 ^*/<. 
 
 IN AND OUT THE PIGSKhY 
 
JOHNA.SEAVERNS 
 
IN AND OUT 
 
 OF THE 
 
 P I G-S K I N 
 
 BY 
 
 GEORGE F. UNDERBILL, 
 
 AUTHOR OF "in AT THE DEATH," ETC. 
 
 ILLUSTRATED BY WALLIS MACKAY. 
 
 LONDON: CHAPMAN & HALL, ld. 
 1893. 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 In submitting the following story to my readers, 
 1 know that it is my duty to write a preface, 
 though I also know that few readers ever read 
 a preface. Yet in the present instance there 
 are two remarks which I should wish my 
 reading public to notice. 
 
 In the first place, I must express in print 
 the great pleasure it has afforded me to have 
 worked with my old friend Mr. Wallis Mackay. 
 In the second place, I must thank the editor 
 of " Piccadilly " for his courtesy in allowing 
 me to publish in volume form the following 
 tale which originally appeared in his newspaper. 
 
 GEORGE F. UNDERHILL. 
 
 Penn Hall, Near Wolverhampton, 
 ()th August, 1892. 
 
CONTENTS. 
 
 CHAPTER FACiE 
 
 I. I DETERMINE TO BE A SPORTSMAN ... I 
 
 II. I BUY MY Hunters ... ... 12 
 
 III. My First Day with Hounds ... ... 26 
 
 IV. I rapidly progress ... ... 44 
 
 V. Lavinia's Go-cart ... ... ... 58 
 
 VI. The Hunt Ball ... ... ... 76 
 
 VII. A Coffee-house Meet ... ... 88 
 
 VIII. I GO TO Fleet Street ... .. 103 
 
 IX. The Brightemall ^Steeplechases ... 116 
 
 X. Wedding Bells ..... ... ... 131 
 
Mmm 
 
 /!A 
 
 
 CHAPTER L 
 
 I DETERMINE TO BE A SPORTSMAN. 
 
 AM not a jealous man ; 
 far from it. The world 
 has treated me too well 
 for me to be angry with 
 It. And yet, if the truth 
 must be told — and my 
 reminiscences would be 
 of small value if they 
 were not true — it was 
 through jealousy, that L 
 at the sober age of forty-two, first devoted 
 
2 In and Out of the Pig-skin. 
 
 myself to the pursuit of sport. It happened 
 very shortly after I had taken Lavlnia Lodge, 
 which, as everybody knows, is within a mile 
 of the sporting and agricultural town of 
 Brightemall, from which the Brightemall Hunt 
 derives its name. Lavinia Lodge — my wife 
 was christened Lavinia — was, and still is, on 
 the high-road leading out of Brightemall, to 
 the rest of the civilized world, which means 
 to most of the meets of the Brightemall Hunt. 
 The consequence of this situation, for which 
 I pay more rent than I ought to, was that I 
 was constantly disturbed during the winter 
 months at the end of my breakfast by Lavvy 
 — that is, my wife — rushing to the window, and 
 exclaiming — 
 
 *' Herbie ! Come here, dear ! Look! Here 
 are some more gentlemen in vermilion 
 jackets ! " 
 
 Lavvy was always fond of using long 
 adjectives. Her mother suffered from two 
 mental afflictions — one, the duty of a son-in- 
 law ; the other, higher education for women. 
 
/ determine to be a Sportsman. 3 
 
 I know that Lavvy has inherited the latter, 
 and that young idiot, Foolby, who is always 
 hanging about smoking my cigars and drinking 
 my whisky, will soon know that she has 
 inherited the former. 
 
 These periodical excursions from the break- 
 fast-table to the window caused me considerable 
 uneasiness. I grew jealous of the gentlemen 
 in the vermilion jackets, and I asked myself, 
 " Why should I not wear a red coat, and ride 
 a horse over other people's land ? Foolby 
 does it, and Foolby is an ass. I am not an 
 ass, but I ought to be able to do anything that 
 an ass can do." 
 
 I suggested the idea to my wife, thinking 
 that she would be pleased. To my surprise, 
 she burst out laughing. 
 
 '' Why, Herbie, you would look ridiculous!" 
 
 I was indignant, and determined to exercise 
 my marital authority. 
 
 '* Lavinia," I said, " I have yet to learn 
 under what circumstances I can look ridicu- 
 lous." 
 
4 In and Out of the Pig- skin, 
 
 ''Very well, Herbert. Only remember, It's 
 nothing to do with me. Don't blame me when 
 you tumble off." 
 
 I had not thought of that. Still, this oppo- 
 sition on the part of my wife made me more 
 anxious than ever to become a sportsman. 
 Yes, I would purchase a horse and suitable 
 garments and ride with the dogs and kill a 
 fox. 
 
 Having made this resolution, the next thing 
 to do was to carry it out. I determined to ask 
 Foolby's advice. It is the only subject on 
 which I should ask Foolby's advice ; but then, 
 as he is always talking about hunting, I sup- 
 pose he must know something about it. I 
 went to see him and told him my intention. 
 He seemed delighted. 
 
 *' All right, sonny. I'll run up to town 
 and see you rigged out properly. There 
 are two or three gees down here which 
 would suit you down to the ground, and 
 will stand quiet when you fall there, too, old 
 man." 
 
/ determine to be a Sportsman. 5 
 
 I considered this impertinent on Foolby's 
 part, especially as I had shrewd suspicions 
 that he wished to become my son-in-law. Still, 
 I thought it kind of him at the time. It 
 occurred to me afterwards that he had a 
 very good run round London at my expense, 
 but I did not mention this to my wife or 
 daughter. It might have led to disagreeable 
 consequences, especially if Lavvy had asked 
 me about all the places to which we 
 went. 
 
 I need not say anything more about our 
 trip to town except that in due course I be- 
 came the proud possessor of a red coat, 
 two pairs of breeches, and top-boots. I like- 
 wise bought a peak cap. I remember that 
 cap. I had a difference of opinion with 
 Foolby about it. He wanted me to buy 
 what he called a " hunting topper " — so did 
 the hatter. 
 
 ** Very few gentlemen wear hunting caps 
 now, sir. Only the Hunt servants wear them 
 as a rule." 
 
6 In and Out of the Pig-skin. 
 
 '' I am a sportsman first and a gentleman 
 afterwards," I answered with dignity. Foolby 
 smiled approval of the sentiment. What an 
 idiotic smile that fellow has ! One could 
 almost think he was laug-hinor at one. 
 
 On my return to Lavlnia Lodge I felt on 
 the most excellent terms with myself. Did not 
 I possess the garments which a sportsman 
 ought to wear ? Could not I be photographed 
 In them ? Could not I be painted In them ? 
 A portrait of myself In hunting costume would 
 look most imposing In our dining-room at 
 Lavlnia Lodge. 
 
 But, although I was In the position to enter 
 a studio in the garb of a sportsman, I could not 
 enter the hunting-field in that character for the 
 simple reason that I did not possess a horse. 
 Certainly Foolby had prom.ised to buy me one, 
 but then Foolby's promises are like the pro- 
 verbial pie-crust. I did not know what to do 
 — that is to say, I did not know how to buy a 
 horse. But I flatter myself I am a philosopher 
 so far as the ways of this world are concerned ; 
 
/ determine to be a Sportsman. 7 
 
 so, acting up to my philosophy, I asked Foolby 
 to dinner. 
 
 He accepted my invitation. I began to 
 hold a better opinion of Foolby's mental 
 ability. 
 
 The dinner hour arrived, and with it Foolby 
 and the dinner. After Lavvy's previous expres- 
 sions with regard to my becoming a sportsman, 
 I did not deem It wise to mention to Foolby 
 during dinner his promise to buy me a horse. 
 I reserved It until the ladles had retired. I 
 may say that, although I have a strong affection 
 for my daughter Bella, I do wish that she 
 would eat her dessert more quickly when 
 Foolby is here, and that Foolby would not 
 press her to take a second glass of port when 
 she is eating sweet biscuits. 
 
 I was told at school that it is a long lane 
 which has no turning ; In middle age I am 
 perfectly certain that it is a long time after 
 dinner before women turn to the drawing-room 
 at Lavlnia Lodge, except on those occasions 
 when it Is my duty to take in a young and 
 
A LONG GOOD-NIGHT. 
 
/ determine to be a Sportsman. 9 
 
 beautiful bride. Now on this evening, when I 
 want to have a confidential chat with Foolby, 
 my wife will start an argument about matri- 
 monial agencies — things she knows nothing 
 about. I wondered where Foolby got all his 
 information from. Then I conferred a blessing 
 — not verbally, but inwardly — upon our domestic 
 servant, for informing Lavvy that the coffee 
 was in the drawing-room. I have made up my 
 mind to bestow a pecuniary benediction upon 
 that girl. 
 
 She was the cause of the ladies retiring, 
 though not before Lavvy reminded me, in a 
 very audible whisper, that we were not to sit 
 over our wine too long. I do wish that Lavvy 
 would not whisper so audibly ; it is so very 
 embarrassing. But on this occasion I put the 
 embarrassment in my throat, together with the 
 contents of my wineglass, and pushed the 
 decanter towards Foolby. 
 
 ** The bottle is with you, Foolby," I 
 said. 
 
 Foolby promptly made preparations to 
 
lo In and Out of the Pig-skin, 
 
 put the contents of the bottle within him. 
 
 Having completed these to his satisfaction, he 
 
 asked — 
 
 ** Well ! do the togs fit all right ? " 
 
 I do wish Foolby would not use slang. 
 
 -lis 
 
 
 'm^i^.^'^^^ 
 
 rj^ 
 
 yk 
 
 VVPLL, DO THE TOGS FIT?" 
 
 Before a man of my age it is not respectful, 
 to say the least of It. My answer to him was 
 dignified. 
 
 ** Yes, Foolby, my sporting garments meet 
 with my entire satisfaction. But " 
 
 " You don't mean to say that you've heard 
 
/ determine to be a Sportsmaii. 1 1 
 
 from that girl at the Empire. I told you not 
 to give her your address." 
 
 '' No, Foolby, no ! The incident had escaped 
 my memory. But I thought you must have 
 forgotten your promise to buy me suitable 
 mounts." 
 
 '' Not at all. You come to my place on 
 Tuesday next, and I will see that you have 
 what you want. ' 
 
 I thanked Foolby : but I did not thank 
 him for keeping me waiting in the cold for 
 a quarter of an hour while he said '' Good 
 night" to Bella. It showed a lack of con- 
 sideration on his part, which I felt nearly as 
 much as the lack of warmth. 
 
CHAPTER IL 
 
 I BUY MY HUNTERS. 
 
 FOOLBY'S method 
 of procedure is cor- 
 rect, then I have 
 come to the conclu- 
 sion that purchasing 
 horses is entirely dif- 
 ferent from any other 
 purchase. Foolby 
 
 says it's the same 
 thing as buying a 
 wife, except that a 
 wife is more difficult than a horse to get rid 
 of, if she don't suit. Thinking this remark 
 funny, I retailed it to Lavinia as an original 
 
 ^^ 
 
 '^^:^^pji 
 
 BEAU BRUMMEL AND SIR ROGER. 
 
/ buy my Hunters. 13 
 
 one of my own ; but she did not even smile. 
 It is astonishing what little sense of humour 
 women have. Bella, too, looked cross. I 
 should have said that Foolby told me so ; but 
 I did not think of saying it until the next 
 Sunday morning in church. 
 
 I was punctual to the second in keeping the 
 appointment which I had made with Foolby, 
 though my punctuality was not equalled by 
 my self-assurance. In fact, I was in a state 
 of extreme nervousness. My chief desire was 
 to conceal my ignorance of horseflesh ; my 
 chief grief was that I was painfully conscious 
 that I should be utterly unable to do so. 
 
 Foolby's house is about a mile out of 
 Brightemall, on the opposite side to Lavinia 
 Lodge. Foolby calls it his hunting-box, which 
 is certainly an appropriate name, as the stables 
 are quite as extensive, if not more so, than the 
 house itself. Behind is a large grass field, in 
 which he has erected every description of jump. 
 Here he says he "schools" his horses, and I 
 have a faint idea that he intends to '' school " 
 
14 In and Out of the Pig-skin, 
 
 me as well ; but if he thinks that I am going 
 to ride in cold blood over a lot of fences 
 for his amusement he is very much mistaken. 
 I am too old to act the part of a circus 
 clown. 
 
 On entering Foolby's dining-room I found 
 him engaged in drinking beer with a nonde- 
 script kind of individual, to whom he intro- 
 duced me. 
 
 ** Mr. Ridemruff has brought down a couple 
 of nags for you to look at." 
 
 '' And I think you'll like 'em, sir, when 
 you've seen 'em and cast a leg across 'em." 
 
 I did not quite know how to answer this 
 remark, so merely nodded, and helped myself 
 to a glass of beer to give me courage for 
 anything that might follow. I then pro- 
 ceeded to make a closer examination of Mr. 
 Ridemruff 
 
 He might have been either a farmer, a horse- 
 dealer, or a horse-breaker, and probably was a 
 combination of all three, with a little bit of the 
 steeplechase jockey thrown In. He certainly 
 
/ buy my Hunters. 
 
 15 
 
 looked the picture of a perfect horseman, and I 
 regarded hhn with feelings of admiration and 
 an inward con- 
 viction that he 
 saw at a glahc'e 
 that I could 
 not ride. There 
 was a twinkle 
 in his keen eye 
 as he suggested 
 that I should 
 "■ cast a leor " 
 across his 
 horses, which 
 showed that he 
 an ti c i pat ed 
 much amuse- 
 ment from 
 watching my 
 performances. 
 From his large 
 horseshoe pin 
 
 down to his mr. ridemruff. 
 
1 6 In and Out of the Pig-skin. 
 
 jack-boots, which had evidently seen much 
 wear, his whole costume denoted his pro- 
 fession. His check coat, which reminded 
 me of a draught-board, and his startling 
 fancy waistcoat, were cut in a fashion peculiar 
 to themselves, which made the coat look 
 too short and the waistcoat too long. I 
 had not time to observe more about him 
 before he said to me — 
 
 '' Mr. Foolby tells me, sir, that you hav'n't 
 hunted or ridden much before." 
 
 *' Just so; therefore I want something very 
 quiet." 
 
 '' And I've got two animals ere, sir, which 
 'ull be the very thing for you, quiet as lambs, 
 without any vice. They've been used to carry 
 a nervous old gentleman." 
 
 Mr. Ridemruff said this as if he thought that 
 I was also a nervous old gentleman. I felt 
 annoyed, and should have expressed my annoy- 
 ance in suitable terms, had not Foolby suggested 
 that we should go out and see the horses, which 
 we found in the field in the chars^e of a small 
 
/ buy my Hunters, 17 
 
 boy, who was riding one and leading the other. 
 He was so small that it was a wonder to me 
 however he managed to get on to the back of 
 the horse he was bestridincr. 
 
 o 
 
 " What are their names ? " I asked, by way 
 of beginning the conversation. 
 
 " Beau Brummel and Sir Roger, sir. That 
 chestnut was called Beau Brummel on account 
 of his good looks. I believe there was once a 
 very 'andsome gent of that name, sir." 
 
 I looked at Beau Brummel to see if I could 
 discover a likeness ; if there was one, the late 
 Mr. Brummel must have been very tall and 
 very thin, with a superabundant number of 
 angles about his body, for his namesake seemed 
 to be composed of nothing but bone. His 
 chief advantage was that you could not only 
 look at him, but also under him as well if you 
 chose, though this advantage was somewhat 
 negatived by the fact that you could not look 
 over him. 
 
 *' He is rather tall," I ventured to remark. 
 
 " Yes, sir ; but, Lord bless you ! that ain't 
 
 c 
 
1 8 In and Out of the Pig-skin, 
 
 no fault. It's a good thing to have a tall 'oss, 
 'cause, when he comes to a fence, he can look 
 over first, and see what's on the other side. 
 Why, that 'oss can step over many a place that 
 many another 'oss couldn't even jump. Then 
 mark his action, sir. Jim, trot the Beau." 
 
 Jim appeared to be the name of the diminu- 
 tive urchin I have already mentioned. He 
 proceeded to trot Mr. Brummel's namesake 
 backwards and forwards. Then he cantered 
 him. Foolby looked at the performance with 
 a knowing air while he listened to Mr. Ridem- 
 ruff's eulogies of his horse. Ridemruff seems 
 to have forgotten that it is I, and not Foolby, 
 whom he wants to become a purchaser. 
 
 I was debating in my own mind whether or 
 not I should brincr this fact into the more 
 
 o 
 
 immediate notice of Ridemruff, when that 
 ofentleman remarked — 
 
 " Now, Mr. Foolby, throw your leg across 
 'im ! Take 'im over anything you like, sir." 
 
 I felt that I owed a debt of gratitude to 
 Ridemruff. Foolby could not refuse to make 
 
/ buy my Hunters. 19 
 
 an exhibition of himself. I certainly should 
 have refused. I had every confidence in Beau 
 Brummel, — but — well, I was not so confident 
 of myself. 
 
 Foolby, thus appealed to, got on to Beau 
 Brummel's back. I wished at the time that 
 either I was as tall as Foolby, or that the 
 Beau was shorter than he was, for I should 
 have required a pair of steps to enable me to 
 get comfortably into the saddle. Then I con- 
 tented myself with watching narrowly the way 
 in which the Beau conducted himself, knowing 
 that all the while Ridemruff was equally nar- 
 rowly watching me, as he made running com- 
 ments on the merits of his quadruped. I 
 answered him in monosyllables, for although I 
 had made up my mind to become a purchaser, 
 yet I knew that the more I betrayed my 
 enthusiasm the greater would be Mr. Rldem- 
 ruft's price. 
 
 " What do you want for him .^ " I ventured 
 to ask, at length, after Foolby had jumped the 
 Beau over three or four fences. 
 
20 In and Out of the Pig-skin. 
 
 " Well, sir, as you're a friend of Mr. 
 Foolby's, I'll only say a 'undred guineas, 
 though the 'oss is worth an 'undred and fifty." 
 
 It was the first time since my acquaintance 
 with Foolby that he had been the means of 
 saving me money. I record the fact because it 
 was likewise the last time. 
 
 " Now 'ave a look at Sir Roger, sir," con- 
 tinued Ridemruff, who from my silence had 
 evidently concluded that I would give him a 
 hundred guineas for the Beau. '' You'll like 
 'im as well as the other, though he is a different 
 make of hanimal." 
 
 There could be no doubt that Ridemruff 
 spoke the truth. If Beau Brummel was tall 
 and thin, Sir Roger made up for his deficiencies 
 by being short and fat. He had a habit, too, 
 of jerking his head towards the ground, which 
 reminded me forcibly of the polite bow with 
 which the courteous old knight was accustomed 
 to receive his guests. I subsequently dis- 
 covered that this habit was decidedly preju- 
 dicial to the comfort of his rider. 
 
/ buy my Hunters, 21 
 
 Foolby got off the back of the Beau, and 
 got on to the back of Sir Roger, a proceeding 
 which the latter resented, by putting his 
 nose to the earth and his hind-legs to the 
 skies. 
 
 " Only his play, sir," remarked Ridemruff 
 
 I may say that this was, and still is, Sir 
 Roger's way of saying ** farewell." It resembles 
 the "parting" bow of a publisher to an author, 
 whose manuscript has been rejected, with the 
 single difference that the publisher is generally 
 unwilling to ''part," while Sir Roger is willing 
 — to part company at all events. 
 
 However, he did not succeed in parting 
 company with Foolby. I wished that he had, 
 so that I could have chaffed Foolby about it 
 on future occasions in the presence of Bella. 
 As it was, Foolby hit him with his whip on the 
 portion of his body nearest to his tail, and 
 then jumped him over some hurdles, much to 
 Ridemruft's satisfaction. 
 
 '' I like to see a good man on a good 'oss, 
 sir." 
 
22 lit mid Out of the Pig-skin, 
 
 This was said loud enough for Foolby to 
 hear. He had just ridden up to us. He 
 dismounted, and we all three walked back to 
 the house. 
 
 ''Shall I buy.>" I asked Foolby in a 
 whisper. 
 
 " At a price," he replied in the same 
 tone. 
 
 We then had some more beer. It is wonder- 
 ful how, when a horse changes hands, so much 
 drink should change places from the tumbler 
 to the human mouth. Some time I will work 
 up a joke about this, under the heading of " A 
 Double Transfer." 
 
 Whether it was the influence of the beer or 
 the influence of Ridemruff's plausible conversa- 
 tion to this day I do not know. I only know 
 that I parted with a cheque for a hundred and 
 seventy guineas, and Ridemruff parted with 
 the Beau and Sir Roger. 
 
 " Where shall I send 'em to, sir ? " 
 
 This was a question I was not prepared to 
 answer. Lavinia Lodcje certainlv boasts of a 
 
/ buy my Hunters. 23 
 
 carriage-house, and a stable containing two 
 stalls. But then I had no groom, and I 
 was hardly equal to looking after my new^ 
 purchases myself. Luckily Foolby came to 
 the rescue. 
 
 " If I were you, I should let them stand at 
 livery at the White Lion till you have made 
 arrangements at home. If Ridemruff will take 
 them there now we can walk down and see 
 about it." 
 
 Having no better plan, in fact having no plan 
 at all, I assented, and Foolby and I walked 
 down to the White Lion, the chief hotel in 
 Brightemall. We were both in excellent 
 spirits, not to mention excellent beer. I felt 
 that now at last I w^as a sportsman, and I 
 remember I put my hat slightly on the side of 
 my head. 
 
 " Good idea that of mine, advising you to 
 send the horses to the White Lion." 
 
 " Capital," I replied. 
 
 "• Yes, and, by Jove, won't you have plenty of 
 chances of spooning Flossy } " 
 
24 In and Out of the Pig-skin. 
 
 This was unduly familiar on Foolby's part. 
 Flossy is the barmaid at the White Lion, and 
 if I have shown her any fatherly attention 
 Foolby ought not to mention it. It is bad 
 
 AT THE WHITE LION. 
 
 taste on his part, and I did not retail his 
 remark to Lavinia. I hoped that he would 
 not allude to the subject in her presence. Yet 
 I could not feel angry with him after what he 
 had done for me ; so on arriving at the White 
 
/ bity my Hunters. 25 
 
 Lion, where we found Ridemruff and my 
 horses, we went to see Flossy. Then I made 
 arrangements for the proper accommodation of 
 Beau Brummel and Sir Roger. 
 
CHAPTER III. 
 
 MY FIRST DAY WITH HOUNDS. 
 
 During the next few days I spent most of my 
 time in improving my equestrian powers and 
 also my acquaintance with Sir Roger and Beau 
 Brummel. This was necessary before I ven- 
 tured to go out hunting, for my experience 
 as a rider was Hmited in the extreme. In fact, 
 it had been chiefly confined to riding ponies at 
 Margate and donkeys at Hampstead Heath 
 during my juvenile days. However, Foolby 
 volunteered to instruct me, and at last declared 
 that I was sufficiently advanced to be able to 
 turn up at the meet ; " though I wouldn't at- 
 tempt to jump much, if I were you," he added. 
 
My First Day with Hounas. 27 
 
 This advice was unnecessary on Foolby's part, 
 as I had no intention of jumping at all. 
 
 When the eventful morning arrived on which 
 I was to make my ddbut in the hunting-field, 
 I must confess that I felt very nervous. I 
 was on the eve — no, I mean, the morn — of an 
 important epoch in my life. But I was deter- 
 mined to conceal my nervousness from Lavinia, 
 for I wished her to be proud of me. Besides, 
 nothing destroys the proper marital authority 
 of a husband more than the betrayal of any 
 fear. 
 
 I dressed with extreme care, though I tried 
 to assume an air of indifference as if I were 
 donning the garments of ordinary everyday 
 life. Still Lavinia had at last to come to my 
 rescue, and tie the bows of my breeches. I 
 felt like a warrior of old, having his armour 
 buckled on by his lady-love before going to 
 battle, and made a happy suggestion to this 
 effect to Lavinia. 
 
 ''Herbert," she replied, ''whatever you do, 
 don't be rash." 
 
28 In and Out of the Pig-skin. 
 
 " Lavvy, I mean to couple the boldness with 
 the discretion of a sportsman." 
 
 I then put on my pink coat and walked 
 proudly downstairs to breakfast, an object of 
 admiration to all my household, from Lavvy 
 down to the housemaid. Foolby had promised 
 to call for me at ten o'clock, and ride with me 
 to the meet, which was some five or six miles 
 away, and a few minutes before that hour Beau 
 Brummel arrived, under the custody of Galey. 
 Galey is the name of the head groom at the 
 White Lion, but of him I shall have to speak 
 at much greater length later on. I had chosen 
 Beau Brummel instead of Sir Roger, on account 
 of the latter's affection for mother earth, an 
 affection which has the effect of continually 
 dragging me on to his neck. 
 
 Galey was leading the Beau up and down 
 before the entrance of Lavinia Lodge, much 
 to the delight of a group of small children, 
 to whom he — Galey, not the Beau — was evi- 
 dently making funny remarks, when Foolby 
 rode up, and dismounting, entered the house, 
 
My First Day with Hounds, 29 
 
 and greeted Lavinia and Bella. Foolby Is 
 always most polite and deferential In his 
 manner towards Lavlnia ; I wonder whether 
 he win be the same when he has married 
 Bella. 
 
 " Don't feel nervous, do you ? " he asked, 
 turning to me. '' If so, I should take a little 
 jumping powder." 
 
 "Won't you have anything yourself.'*" said 
 Lavlnla. 
 
 This was artful on Foolby's part. However, 
 we both had some cherry brandy, and I felt 
 that my courage was considerably revived by 
 It. I was ready to start, but Foolby took such 
 a long time saying good-bye to Bella, and 
 assurlnor Lavlnla that he would take care of 
 me, that It was fully twenty minutes before we 
 left the house. 
 
 It must have been an imposing sight to see 
 me, arrayed in the garments of the chase, walk- 
 ing from my hall-door to where the Beau was 
 standing. But there the imposition ended. 
 For, while Foolby sprang lightly into the 
 
30 In and Out of the Pig-skin. 
 
 g on ac- 
 
 saddle, I had some difficulty in mountin 
 count of the shortness of my own legs and the 
 length of those of the Beau. At last I managed 
 to climb on to his back, though not before an 
 
My First Day with Hotmds. 31 
 
 Impudent little boy had suggested the use of 
 a ladder — a remark which I pretended not to 
 hear, though I knew that it made the by- 
 standers giggle. Then we trotted off. 
 
 At first I was in a state of great elation ; 
 then I began to feel uneasy, for Foolby kept 
 regarding me in a way which made me think 
 that he had discovered some fault in my general 
 get-up. 
 
 *' Nothing wrong, eh, Foolby ? " I asked. 
 " No ; you look all right, at present." 
 There was a peculiar emphasis on the words 
 " at present," as if the speaker thought I should 
 not look all right for long. I do not like such 
 cheap sarcasm : it is apt to take the conceit 
 out of the person to whom it is addressed. 
 We were not long before we were joined by 
 other sportsmen, some of whom I knew ; and 
 these congratulated me upon my taking to 
 hunting. I made up my mind that I would 
 shortly give a hunting dinner-party. 
 
 When we arrived at the meet we found a 
 numerous crowd, including more than a few 
 
32 In and Out of the Pigskin. 
 
 ladies ; and there was a genial air about every- 
 body, as if they were all looking forward to 
 the day's sport. This pleasant humour was 
 contaminating ; and, as we jogged along to 
 the first covert, I said with a touch of 
 pride — 
 
 " How do I look now, Foolby ? " 
 
 '' Rather like a fly on the back of an ele- 
 phant ! " was his rejoinder. Confound Foolby ! 
 My spirits sank down to zero immediately. 
 
 ''We've got a mixed pack out to-day," he 
 went on, by way of giving me information. 
 
 " They seem the same breed," I replied. 
 
 Foolby laughed. I afterwards discovered 
 that he had alluded to their sex, and thought 
 that the dogs must enjoy the hunting much 
 more when the pack is mixed than when it 
 is not. 
 
 We did not find a fox at the first covert, so 
 went on to another, where we, or rather the 
 hounds, immediately did find one. I shall 
 never forget it. Somebody in front of me 
 shouted ''Yoicks! gone away!" and three or 
 
My First Day with Hounas. 33 
 
 four people behind me shouted " Forrader ! 
 Forrader ! " and we all went tearing down a 
 muddy cartway like a second charge of Bala- 
 clava. To me it was nearly as dangerous as 
 that famous ride of the Light Brigade. But I 
 could not stop even if I had wanted to. I had 
 what Foolby calls a good start, which means 
 that I had a crowd of people pressing behind 
 me, while Beau, who had hitherto behaved in a 
 most sober fashion, was now animated with all 
 the ardour of the chase. I was nearly blinded, 
 too, by the mud thrown up by the horse in 
 front of me. Certainly I would much rather 
 have had a bad start than a good one, though 
 I should have been sorry to have confessed it 
 at the time. As it was, I galloped along with 
 the rest till we came to a gate, and entered a 
 large grass field. 
 
 Now, I thought, was my chance to restrain 
 the Beau's ardour, and to take an unostentatious 
 position in the chase, so I tried to pull him 
 back. But the more I tried to pull him back 
 the more he tried to pull me forward. Had I 
 
34 I^ ^^^ Out of the Pig-skin, 
 
 been deceived ? This could hardly be a horse 
 accustomed to carry a nervous old gentleman ; 
 and, alas ! before me was a fence, and no sign 
 of a gate. 
 
 "■ That's right. You are going well. Stick 
 your knees in, your hands down, and throw 
 your heart over. The horse will do the 
 rest." 
 
 It was Foolby who spoke. T did stick my 
 knees in, as their redness and soreness the next 
 morning testified. What I did with my hands 
 I cannot recollect, but I could not get my heart 
 nearer to the other side of the fence than my 
 mouth. But the Beau was determined to jump, 
 so jump he did. 
 
 He is a clever horse, the Beau. He thought 
 he could jump better without than with me on 
 his back, so treated me as a battledore does a 
 shuttlecock. Before springing he tossed me 
 into the air, and on landing, caught me again 
 much after the fashion of a London music-hall 
 juggler. It might have been convenient to 
 him, but it was decidedly inconvenient to me. 
 
36 In and Out of the Pig-skin, 
 
 Yet I was thankful to find myself on his back 
 again, and not on the ground, as I had 
 expected. 
 
 We crossed two more fields, during which 
 our game of battledore and shuttlecock was 
 repeated twice ; then I was able to act up to 
 Lavinia s advice, and not be rash any longer. 
 I always like to follow my wife's advice when 
 it suits me, as it did on this occasion, when I 
 managed to get Beau under control, and to 
 follow as my pilot a stout old farmer, who 
 seemed to know every gate in the county. 
 With that confidence in my fellow-men which 
 is part of my nature, I trusted that he knew 
 where the hounds were, since I had not the 
 slightest idea myself. So sometimes trotting, 
 sometimes cantering, we bumped along, much 
 to the advantage of our livers, if not of anything 
 else. 
 
 But, alas ! this was not to last much longer. 
 We were riding over a wet ploughed field 
 towards a gate when, as luck would have it, I 
 dropped my whip. This was a predicament for 
 
My First Day with Hounds. 37 
 
 which I was unprepared. There was nothing 
 for it but to dismount, though I knew the diffi- 
 culty I should have in remounting ; but, if I 
 had known how great that difficulty would be, 
 I should have much preferred losing my whip. 
 For when I had got my whip a difference of 
 opinion arose between Beau and myself. He 
 wanted to get on to join the hounds ; I wanted 
 to get on to his back. Directly I had my left 
 foot in the stirrup Beau would commence turn- 
 ing round and round, making me dance an 
 involuntary pirouette on my right foot in a 
 muddy ploughed field. I am sure that any 
 ballet-girl — I beg pardon, young lady of the 
 chorus — would have envied my agility. Now 
 and then I varied the exercise by making con- 
 vulsive springs, but of no avail. I might have 
 been there till this hour but that during one of 
 these spasmodic efforts, owing to Galey not 
 having tightened the girths sufficiently, the 
 saddle slipped, and I lay prostrate on my back, 
 while Beau cantered quietly off. 
 
 Here was a nice position for a respectable 
 
38 In and Out of the Pig-skin, 
 
 middle-aged gentleman to be placed in — on 
 foot, in top-boots, with a coat covered with 
 
 mud, in the middle of a ploughed field. At 
 first I used language which I should not have 
 liked Lavinia to have heard ; then I did the 
 best thing under the circumstances — namely, I 
 tried to capture Beau, who disliked cantering 
 across a ploughed field without hounds, almost 
 as much as I did walking across it. For- 
 tunately for me a rustic came to the rescue as 
 well, and between us we succeeded in catching 
 the beast, whom I regarded with feelings of 
 
My First Day with Hounds. 39 
 
 intense dislike. Having readjusted the saddle 
 and tightened the girths, I managed with the 
 assistance of the rustic to mount, and, bestowing 
 a coin upon my friend in need, rode off 
 
 How should I account for my mud-stained 
 back ? I had not even had the honour, so 
 often boasted of by hard riders, of having come 
 '* a nasty cropper." Why not say that I had 
 had *'a nasty cropper".'^ Hunting men do 
 not always tell the truth, especially after dinner, 
 and am I not now a hunting man ? 
 
 I had hardly made up my mind to sacrifice 
 truth to my own dignity, when I heard the 
 sound of the horn. Beau pricked up his ears 
 and stood still by the side of a hedge where 
 we happened to be, while I strained my eyes 
 to catch a sis^ht of the hounds. What I did 
 see was a little dark red animal, which I imme- 
 diately conjectured to be the fox, going in a 
 very tired condition down one of the furrows 
 of the field. I forgot at once about my coat. 
 There was the fox which I had come out to 
 kill ; yes, and there were the hounds already in 
 
40 In and Out of the Pig-skin. 
 
 the same field. Now they were alongside of 
 me. Beau turned round of his own accord, 
 and we returned through the same gate which 
 we had gone through before my disaster. In 
 the next field the hounds killed the fox, and I 
 was proudly conscious that I was '* in at the 
 death." 
 
 *' Why, how the deuce did you get here ? " 
 
 '' On my horse, Foolby," I retorted. *' How 
 did you?" 
 
 '' You seem to have stolen some landed 
 property from somewhere." 
 
 *' Yes, we had a fall or two," I answered 
 airily. 
 
 *' Horse don't seem so much the worse for 
 them as your coat." 
 
My First Day with Hounds. 41 
 
 This was true ; the Beau was in much the 
 same condition as when he had left his stable 
 in the morning ; but there was no necessity for 
 Foolby to have drawn attention to the fact. 
 
 *' Lucky for us he doubled, sir." 
 
 This remark was made in an undertone, and 
 I looked round to see who had made it. It 
 was my agricultural friend with the broad back. 
 He gave me a knowing wink ; I think he must 
 have overheard my conversation with Foolby. 
 I thought it would only be common politeness 
 to offer him my flask. He took it, likewise a 
 good pull at it. 
 
 I did the same, and began to feel rather 
 proud than ashamed of the mud on my back. 
 
 I felt that I had had quite enough for that 
 day, so turned my horse's head towards home, 
 or rather his home — namely, the White Lion 
 Hotel, where I meant to interview two people, 
 Galey and Flossy, for I was thirsty after my 
 unwonted exertions. 
 
 Galey was a little wizen-faced man of about 
 sixty, with little keen twinkling eyes, and the 
 
42 In and Otit of the Pig-skin. 
 
 most bandy legs it was ever my lot to see. 
 How he ever came to the White Lion I never 
 could find out, as he was far more fit for a 
 whip or a jockey than an ostler. He possessed 
 as big an amount of repartee as a London 
 omnibus conductor, and an astonishing capacity 
 for imbibing alcoholic liquids, without letting 
 them have the slightest effect on him. His 
 complexion was like wrinkled dry parchment, 
 and whatever delinquency he might be found 
 guilty of, he always had an excuse for it. He 
 reminded me in this respect of the man who, 
 having killed his father and mother, appealed 
 to the jury to pity a poor orphan. On my 
 blaming him for not having tightened the girths 
 properly, he replied — 
 
 "■ Well, sir, they do get loose sometimes, 
 especially if the 'orse is in good condition, 
 like Beau, 'ere. I'm sorry you met with a 
 haccident, sir, but Lor' bless me, you and the 
 'orse looked a perfect pictur when you started. 
 I was only sayin' the same thing to the guv'nor 
 just now." 
 
My First Day with Hounds. 43 
 
 It was not in my heart to blow up Galey 
 after this, so I retired to quench my thirst, 
 which took me some time, and then I hired a 
 conveyance to take me back to Lavinia Lodo-e. 
 
 Thus ended my first day with hounds. 
 
CHAPTER IV. 
 
 I RAPIDLY PROGRESS. 
 
 HAVE not yet said 
 anything about Brighte- 
 mall society, or the 
 people who constituted 
 that society, because, 
 with few exceptions, 
 they are not worth men- 
 tloninof. Lavlnia called 
 them narrow-minded, 
 and Bella described 
 
 them as odious; while, 
 
 as for myself, I took 
 little notice of them or they of me. For one 
 
/ rapidly progress. 45 
 
 thing, I never was much of a society man, and 
 when it takes the mild form of eating muffins 
 and drinking tea with curates and parsons' 
 daughters, I utterly detest it, and generally 
 manage to have another engagement. But 
 now that I had become a hunting man society 
 assumed a different aspect, and, owing to the 
 exertions and attractions of Lavinia and Bella, 
 we rapidly became known in a circle of sporting 
 acquaintances. I was asked to become a sub- 
 scriber to the Brightemall Hunt Ball, and, 
 although I am not a dancing man, I consented : 
 for I had always been taught by Lavinia that 
 a married man has his responsibilities, not 
 the least of which appears to be that of pro- 
 viding amusement for his wife and daughter. 
 Still, I must confess that I considered it my 
 duty as a sportsman to subscribe to the Hunt 
 Ball. Besides, I should look so well in the 
 pink Hunt dress-coat. 
 
 This last consideration had great weight with 
 me. 
 
 I ought to say that by this time I had 
 
46 In and Out of the Pig-skin, 
 
 greatly Improved In the art of riding, or, as 
 Foolby called it, the art of sticking on, though 
 to my mind the two arts are one and the same 
 thing. Not only had I been out hunting some 
 half-dozen times since my maiden appearance 
 in the field, but, under Foolby's guidance, I had 
 practised my riding on off-days, and could now 
 jump a hurdle without embracing my horse's 
 neck. Still, I knew that pride is often apt to 
 have a fall, so I restrained my zeal in the 
 presence of others. Not that I lack the courage 
 of an Englishman. Far from It. But I do 
 object to making a fool of myself, and I object 
 still more to hurting myself, especially as I get 
 no sympathy from Lavlnla. She only laughs 
 at me. 
 
 Still, for reasons which I am still at a loss 
 to explain, Lavlnia encouraged me, and does 
 now encourage me. In my sporting tastes. I 
 am inclined to believe that the costume pleased 
 her, for Lavvy's nature was always artistic. 
 Yet, I must confess that, after taking every- 
 thlncr into consideration, the chief reason for 
 
/ rapidly progress. 47 
 
 Lavvy evincing such an interest in my hunting 
 career was the society which that career 
 brought to Lavinia Lodge, and which my wife 
 most infinitely preferred to the tedium of 
 Brightemall. 
 
 Naturally I liked this, for I loved my 
 wife and was pleased when she was amused. 
 But even marital affection, or, at all events, 
 marital good temper, has its limits, so 
 that when the following little conversation 
 took place between me and Lavvy, I felt 
 that I was in the position of an ill-used 
 individual. 
 
 The conversation was between man and wife ; 
 therefore. It was somewhat monosyllabic — that 
 is to say, Lavvy did all the talking and I did 
 all the monosyllables. I remember it well, it 
 was after dinner (Lavvy had given me a very 
 nice dinner that evening), and I was smoking 
 one of my favourite villas, while discussing 
 the merits of cognac mixed with a slight sus- 
 picion of coffee, when Lavvy — I saw her wink 
 at Bella, who immediately left the room — came 
 
48 In and Out of the Pig-skin. 
 
 and sat upon my knee, and put her arm round 
 my neck. 
 
 ■^ 
 
 I knew what was coming. At least I knew 
 that something unpleasant was coming. Lavvy 
 is never so affectionate unless either she wants 
 money or wants me to do something which will 
 cost money. 
 
 " Herbie, dear, I want to have a little talk 
 with you, darling." 
 
 " Yes, Lavvy," I answered. " But my 
 
/ rapidly progress. 49 
 
 whiskers are my own, and not the cat's ; and 
 you get stronger as you grow older, my dear ; 
 and I'm afraid the smoke from my cigar will 
 get Into your eyes." 
 
 Twenty years ago I should have thrown that 
 villa into the fire. Time changes, and so do 
 we. Lavvy Is heavier than In the days of our 
 courtship, and matrimony Is the heaviest part 
 of the wedding-cake. 
 
 " Herble, dear, I think we ought to give 
 a dinner-party." 
 
 ** Why ? " I asked. 
 
 " Well ! you know, dear, we've been out 
 several times lately. Besides, Miss Foolby Is 
 coming to stay with her brother, and we must 
 pay her some attention, as she will be Bella's 
 sister-in-law." 
 
 I could see that it would be no use resisting ; 
 yet I did not like to give way all at once. It 
 was my duty to remonstrate. 
 
 "My dear Lavinia," I began, *'have you 
 considered that, although Jane Is a most ex- 
 cellent cook, so far as our small requirements 
 
 E 
 
50 In and Out of the Pig-skin. 
 
 are concerned, yet It is exceedingly doubtful 
 whether she is capable of grappling with all 
 the difficulties attendant upon a large dinner- 
 party ? " 
 
 " Bella and I have already made every ar- 
 rangement for that, dear. We can have the 
 turtle-soup from the Stores, and the greengrocer 
 in Brightemall will open the oysters." 
 
 " But we can't dine off oysters and turtle- 
 soup ! " 
 
 " My dear Herbie, you don't understand 
 these matters. If you will only leave it to me, 
 everything will be all right. The only question 
 is, Whom shall we ask ? " 
 
 I wish Lavinia would not settle questions so 
 peremptorily. 
 
 Within three days of this conversation 
 Foolby's sister came to stay with him. We 
 had never met her before, so naturally were 
 anxious to see what she was like. I had a 
 vague idea from casual remarks of Foolby's 
 that she was decidedly a horsey young lady. 
 Nor was I mistaken. On my first introduction 
 
/ rapidly progress. 
 
 51 
 
 to her she put me through a regular cross- 
 examination as to my riding quahties, showing 
 me plainly that she knew considerably more 
 about horseman- 
 ship than I did. 
 But if it had 
 not been for her 
 conversation, her 
 costume would 
 have told any- 
 body that her 
 tastes were 
 sporting. Never 
 before had I 
 seen such an 
 ulster as she had 
 on when I first 
 met her ; never 
 before had I seen 
 such buttons as 
 the ulster had on. However, both Lavinia and 
 Bella admired it, so it would have been foolish 
 of me to criticise it in their presence. I be- 
 
52 In and Out of the Pig-skin, 
 
 lleve Lavinia has already made up her mind 
 to get one hke It. These sporting tastes are 
 so contagious. 
 
 Bella and Miss Foolby soon became fast 
 friends. I believe that Foolby really asked 
 his sister to stay with him In order that he 
 might see more of Bella. Cunning dog, Fool- 
 by ! Miss Foolby has offered, too, to teach 
 Bella to ride, and I have determined to join in 
 the lessons. 
 
 Miss Foolby is decidedly a very pretty girl, 
 and not at all slangy, in spite of her sporting 
 costume. Her godparents named her Diana in 
 a spirit of true prophecy, but she is commonly 
 called Di by those who are privileged to call 
 her by her Christian name. I mention this, be- 
 cause I now belong to that privileged class, and, 
 with the full permission of the young lady, shall 
 henceforth in these memoirs call her " DI." 
 
 I have also the permission of Lavinia for 
 doing so. 
 
 To people living in the country, with only 
 a limited circle of acquaintances, the giving of 
 
/ rapidly progress. 53 
 
 a dinner-party is a serious matter. There is 
 the difficulty of getting the right people to 
 meet the right people, and then of pairing them 
 off properly. But as it was Lavinia and not 
 I who had decided to give this particular 
 dinner-party, I left it to her to choose the 
 guests, with the comfortable reflection that, if 
 anything did go wrong, I should be in the 
 pleasant position of being able to blame her 
 afterwards. I thought it would be a change, 
 since she so often thinks fit to blame me. 
 
 Fortunately for Lavinia, however, our dinner- 
 party went off fairly well. I should have 
 enjoyed it more, perhaps, if I had not had to 
 take in old Mrs. Squaretoes, the wife of our 
 county member, who, in addition to other fail- 
 ings, suffers from deafness, which renders con- 
 versation somewhat difficult. Lavinia was 
 more lucky, as she had young Lord Heavy- 
 weight to take her in, an Irish peer who puts 
 up at the White Horse and hunts with the 
 Brightemall hounds, because they won't allow 
 him to hunt in his own country. Yet I must 
 
54 I^ ^^^^ Out of the Pig-skin. 
 
 not complain, for I had Di Foolby on my left, 
 and she more than made up for the conver- 
 sational deficiencies of Mrs. Squaretoes. 
 
 The dinner was like most other dinners — 
 that is to say, everybody was rather dull until 
 the champagne had circulated, when they began 
 to grow more lively. Even our vicar, generally 
 
/ rapidly progress. 55 
 
 the quietest and most sedate of men, got in- 
 volved in an animated dispute with Heavy- 
 weight about marriage. 
 
 " I would never dream of marrying a widow," 
 said the reverend gentleman. Luckily there 
 were no widows present. 
 
 ** Why not ?" asked Heavyweight. 
 
 " Well, my lord, I look upon marriage in this 
 light. I want a hat. I buy a new one, not 
 a second-hand one." 
 
 *' Perhaps so ; but you never know who has 
 tried it on before you." 
 
 It took two glasses of champagne to bring 
 the vicar back to his usual contented frame 
 of mind. 
 
 There were only twelve of us at dinner, so 
 that the conversation could be ofeneral, a coin- 
 cidence which I believe only Foolby and Bella 
 were sorry fon The talk was chiefly of hunt- 
 ing, more particularly of a run which had taken 
 place that day, and in proportion as the wine 
 circulated, so did the fences become bigger, 
 for the wineglass is the most powerful magni- 
 
56 In and Out of the Pig-skin, 
 
 fying glass that was ever invented, and at the 
 dinner-table the sportsman loves his reputation 
 more than he loves truth. 
 
 After dinner, when we had joined the ladies 
 in the drawing-room, I could not help laughing 
 
 at Foolby, who 
 was intent on 
 inveigling Bella 
 into a small con- 
 servatory which 
 opens out of the 
 room. As a rule 
 Bella does not 
 need much in- 
 veigling — Lavvy 
 was much the 
 _ same, I remem- 
 
 ber, when we were 
 engaged — but on this particular evening she 
 either did not or would not see Foolby's 
 glance of invitation, with the result that Di and 
 Lord Heavyweight strolled in instead. Foolby 
 looked as if he should have liked to have 
 
/ rapidly progress. 57 
 
 eaten Heavyweight on the spot. I, on the 
 contrary, admired his taste. 
 
 '* Herbert," Lavvy said to me, after all our 
 ofuests had s^one, '* we made one mistake to- 
 night." 
 
 *' What was that, my dear '^ " I asked. 
 
 *' Di ought to have sat next to Lord Heavy- 
 weight instead of next to you." 
 
 I have every confidence in my own powers of 
 entertaining, but I must confess that I think 
 Lavvy was right. 
 
CHAPTER V. 
 
 lavinia's go-cart. 
 
 UCH as I like and ad- 
 mire Di Foolby, I must 
 confess that she has un- 
 consciously filled my cup 
 of misery to the brim, 
 or rather, she has been 
 the cause of my signing my name to many 
 more cheques than I should otherwise have 
 done, which Is much the same thing. For, 
 although I like both Lavlnia and Bella to take 
 an interest in all my sports, yet I do not think 
 It necessary that they should also participate rn 
 them. Unfortunately for me and my purse, 
 they think differently, and what man could ever 
 
Lavinias Go-cart, 59 
 
 withstand the combined attacks of two ladies 
 living under his own roof ? A jury of 
 Benedicts unhesitatlno^ly answers, '' None." 
 
 But it was Di Foolby who was the cause of 
 implanting sporting tastes in the bosoms of my 
 wife and daughter. Until she arrived, their 
 Interest in sport had been confined to admira- 
 tion of me, a limit which was very proper and 
 just. But now all that was changed. In the 
 first place she had lent Bella a habit, and 
 professed to teach her to ride — a profession 
 which was not accurately true, as Foolby did 
 most of the teaching, and Bella seemed to 
 prefer him as a tutor to his sister. This was 
 bad taste on Bella's part ; for I found myself 
 that I had grown much fonder of riding since 
 Di Foolby had come to Brightemall. 
 
 If Di had confined her influence to Bella I 
 should not have minded ; but, alas ! that influ- 
 ence extended to Lavinia. It will soon be 
 Foolby's duty to control Bella's expensive 
 habits : until death do us part It will be my 
 duty to pay for Lavinia's. 
 
6o In and Out of the Pig-skin. 
 
 It happened in this way. Di, who is as 
 good-natured as she is pretty, offered on more 
 than one occasion to drive Lavinia to the meet, 
 and to follow the hounds on wheels, offers 
 which Lavinia accepted. I believe that she 
 looked forward to these days with as much 
 enthusiasm as a young girl in her first season 
 does to a ball. She said at first that it would 
 be so nice to take my lunch, and thus save me 
 the trouble of carrying it myself. I agreed 
 with her. But when at lunch-time I found 
 her, I found also that I had been forestalled 
 by certain hunting acquaintances, and that all 
 the sandwiches and cherry brandy had dis- 
 appeared. 
 
 I carried my own lunch in future. Perhaps 
 that feeling of indescribable joy which most of 
 us feel on first seeing hounds had made 
 Lavinia forgetful. I forgave her, with my 
 usual generosity — after I had obtained lunch 
 elsewhere. 
 
 I began to observe, too, that several little 
 confidential conversations took place between 
 
Lavinias Go-cart. 6i 
 
 her and Bella, to which I was not admitted, 
 and wondered whether Di had broken up the 
 mutual trust which had hitherto reposed in our 
 happy roof. However, I w^as not destined to 
 be kept long in suspense. 
 
 It was after dinner, and Lavinia, remarking 
 that she thought I looked tired, had insisted 
 on my taking an extra couple of glasses of port. 
 I do not openly accuse her of hypocrisy, but 
 nevertheless I have shrewd suspicions. 
 
 ** Herbert, I have been thinking what a pity 
 it is that we should not make use of our stable 
 and coach-house." 
 
 '* Well, you see, dear, there is only one stall, 
 and I have two horses ; but I had thought 
 that during the summer I might make some 
 alterations." 
 
 ** Yes, dear ; but now that, to please you " 
 (oh ! Lavinia ! Lavinia !), '' I have taken to 
 driving to the meet, it really is necessary that 
 I should have a go-cart and pony." 
 
 I sipped my port in astonishment. The wine 
 had begun to lose its flavour. 
 
62 In and Out of the Pig-skin. 
 
 " I was only talking to DI and Dick about 
 it this afternoon" (Dick, or rather Richard, is 
 Foolby's Christian name), '' and they perfectly 
 agree with me. In fact, Dick kindly volun- 
 teered to choose both the cart and the pony 
 for me." 
 
 " Did he ? " I asked laconically. '' It was 
 very good of him." 
 
 '' Yes, wasn't it ? " Lavinia evidently does 
 not understand sarcasm. " And as Bella and 
 myself must go up to town next week, the 
 Foolbys could come with us, couldn't they ? " 
 
 '' I was not aware of any necessity for you 
 and Bella to go up to town." 
 
 "You forget, Herbert, that it is hardly four 
 weeks till the Hunt Ball, and we have not yet 
 ordered our dresses. Besides, Bella must be 
 measured for her habit ; she has been wearing 
 one of DI's all this time, you know ; and I 
 thought you had half promised to buy her a 
 horse." 
 
 '' You wouldn't like me to buy a deer-park 
 at the same time, would you ? " 
 
Lavinids Go-cart. 
 
 63 
 
 '' No, dear ; but if you can get the refusal 
 of that field at the back of the house, we might 
 make a lawn-tennis ground there." 
 
 I am the most patient of men, the most 
 
 WE HAVE NOT YET ORDERED OUR DRESSES. 
 
 generous of husbands, and the kindest of 
 fathers. Certainly my banking account does 
 not permit me to exercise these virtues to the 
 full extent of my inclination, and for a man 
 of my moderate income to be suddenly asked 
 without any warning to buy a pony and trap, 
 a' horse, two ball dresses and a habit, to say 
 
64 In and Out of the Pig-skin. 
 
 nothing of the expenses of a visit to London, 
 is apt to make the hair stand on end. I gazed 
 at the lady who is popularly supposed to double 
 my joys and divide my sorrows in blank amaze- 
 ment. I thought she would be ashamed ; but 
 she wasn't. 
 
 **Well, Herbert, we need not talk about the 
 lawn-tennis ground at present. That can wait. 
 But If you have your hunters, surely It is only 
 fair that I should have a pony and trap. 
 Besides, It would be so useful. We could 
 drive about together In the summer ; and we 
 could economize In other things, such as 
 wine for example. And, really, Herbert, 
 in the country I must have some conveyance 
 to get about In. I owe no end of calls 
 as it is, and chiefly amongst your hunting 
 friends." 
 
 " Now, papa, don't be obstinate, but be a 
 dear old thing, and say * yes.' " 
 
 As Bella came, and sitting on my knee put 
 her hand over my mouth, It was impossible for 
 me to say either *• yes " or '' no." 
 
Lavmias Go-cart. 65 
 
 Poor Foolby ! I am afraid there is a sad 
 future before you. 
 
 " Then that is settled. I will write to-morrow 
 and take rooms at the Grand." 
 
 " Lavinia," I exclaimed — for my mouth was 
 now free to speak — "do no such thing." 
 
 '' Oh, papa ! " 
 
 " I cannot afford such extravagance, so 
 there's an end of it." 
 
 ** You could afford to go to London with 
 Dick to buy your own clothes." 
 
 I thought it best not to continue the dis- 
 cussion. It would be a bad example to Bella, 
 on the eve of her marriage. Lavinia thought 
 otherwise. 
 
 ''And how are we to go to the Hunt Ball 
 without any dresses ? " she asked. 
 
 This certainly was a difficult question to 
 answer. Lavinia saw that she had gained an 
 advantage, and, like the clever tactician that 
 she was, determined to follow it up. 
 
 " You know, Herbert, how proud you always 
 are to see me well dressed." 
 
 F 
 
66^ In and Out of the Pig-skin. 
 
 Flattery, thy name is woman ! 
 
 *' But, Lavinia, I do not see that, because 
 you require new dresses, you should also 
 want a go-cart, a pony, and a horse, nor 
 why we should waste our money at the Grand 
 Hotel." 
 
 ''You surely don't expect me to walk ten 
 miles to pay an afternoon call." 
 
 1 could see that there was some reason in 
 Lavinla's arguments. 
 
 "Well, I will think it over," I replied 
 evasively, and my wife and daughter exchanged 
 a glance of triumph. They knew that the 
 victory was theirs, and so did I. But they 
 had evidently determined beforehand to make 
 assurance doubly sure ; for on the next day 
 the Foolbys came to lunch. Before post-time 
 Lavinia had written to take rooms at the 
 Grand. 
 
 A day or so before we went up to town I 
 was in the White Horse Hotel, having just 
 returned from a ride, when Galey came up to 
 me, and, touching his hat, said — 
 
Laviiiias Go-cart. 67 
 
 ** Beg pardon, sir, but I heard as you was 
 about to keep a pony and trap." 
 
 ** I had thought of doing so, Galey." 
 
 " I was a-thinking, sir, that you would 
 be wanting somebody to look after it, if 
 you was agoing to keep it at the Lodge, 
 sir." 
 
 ** Good gracious, Galey, yes ; I had never 
 thought of that." 
 
 The fact was that I had not yet grown 
 used to the idea of Lavinia having a go-cart 
 at all. Now it did occur to me that a go-cart 
 and a pony without a groom would not be of 
 much use. 
 
 " I made bold to ask you, sir, 'cause, if you're 
 not already suited, I knows the very lad for 
 the job." 
 
 *' Indeed, Galey, who is he ? " 
 
 " Well, sir, 'e is a nephew of mine, and is 
 just out of a place, through his master giving 
 hup a-keeping 'osses. But 'e 'as a splendid 
 character, sir. 'E is a stopping with me now, 
 sir ; w^ould you like to see 'im ? " 
 
68 In and Out of the Pig-skin, 
 
 *' Not now ; but you can send him up to the 
 Lodge this evening." 
 '' Thank you, sir." 
 
 I mentioned my 
 conversation with 
 Galey to Lavinia, 
 though I made it 
 appear that it was I 
 who had first thought 
 about the groom. In 
 due course Galey 
 junior made his ap- 
 pearance. He was 
 a smart-looking lad, 
 and as his character 
 was in every way 
 satisfactory, I decided 
 to eno^ao-e him. I am 
 afraid my stable ex- 
 penses will form a 
 considerable item in my annual expenditure. 
 
 It is needless, for many reasons, to give a 
 lengthy account of our visit to London. In 
 
 GALEY JUNIOR. 
 
Lavinias Go-cart, 69 
 
 the first place, before long I shall have to 
 recount another visit ; in the second place, no 
 inconsiderable portion of our time — at least, of 
 the time of the ladies — was spent at the dress- 
 maker's. My male readers would vote an 
 account of this tedious, and the fair sex would 
 see through my ignorance in a moment, and 
 I should lose the respect and admiration with 
 which they have always regarded me. I will 
 only say that, instead of writing a fashion 
 article, I have been obliged to write a cheque. 
 I had very little more to do with the purchase 
 of the go-cart and pony than I had with the 
 purchase of the dresses. Foolby and Di re- 
 lieved me of most of the trouble, excepting that 
 of paying, and I noticed that, like most people 
 when they are not buying for themselves, they 
 acted regardless of expense. At the end of a 
 week I was theoretically, and Lavinia practi- 
 cally, the possessor of a small go-cart, a roguish- 
 looking pony, who rejoiced In the name of 
 Punch, and the latest thing in harness, which 
 were duly transferred to Lavinia Lodge, where 
 
yo In and Out of the Pig-skin, 
 
 we shortly followed. I absolutely refused to 
 buy Bella a horse. She can ride Punch if she 
 wants to ride. 
 
 For the next few days Lavvy was like a 
 child with a new toy. She and Bella, with the 
 diminutive Galey junior seated behind, were 
 constantly to be seen driving in and about 
 Brightemall, to the great danger of all people 
 on foot, till one evening she signified to me 
 her intention of driving to the meet on the 
 following day. 
 
 " Very well, my dear, if you think that you 
 can manage Punch ; but I shouldn't attempt 
 to follow if I were you." 
 
 This remark, of course, produced from 
 Lavlnia a strong assertion as to her powers 
 as a whip. I replied that It was not her 
 power, but her science, that I doubted. She 
 retorted that the Foolbys had said it would be 
 perfectly safe for her, and she supposed they 
 were better judges than I was. 
 
 I really shall be glad when Foolby and 
 Bella are married. I compromised the dispute 
 
Lavinias Go-cart. 71 
 
 by saying that I would drive them to the 
 meet myself, sending Galey on with my horse. 
 
 Accordingly, next morning I drove Lavvy 
 and Bella to a place called Muddyslough, 
 where the hounds met. I believe this place 
 had been christened Muddyslough on account 
 of the damp marshes and muddy lanes with 
 which it abounded. I noticed that at the meet 
 our neat turn-out created quite a sensation, and 
 when I had mounted the Beau I saw Lavvy 
 chatting to a group of acquaintances, including 
 the Foolbys, of course, as if she had been 
 used to hunt on wheels all her life. Then we 
 trotted off to a neighbouring gorse. 
 
 I thought that Lavvy had now driven back 
 home ; but as we were standing at covert-side 
 what was my astonishment to see the go-cart 
 in the lane close by. I was both annoyed and 
 afraid ; but felt somewhat relieved on seeing 
 Foolby in attendance. Still, I determined to 
 scold Lavvy on my return. 
 
 I had no time for further reflection. There 
 was a " view halloa," a general stampede, and 
 
72 In and Out of the Pig-skin. 
 
 the welcome cry '' gone away." It was no 
 false alarm, and we all sat down to follow, 
 though I did my best, and with success, to 
 hold back Beau, for I had a wholesome dread 
 of the deep ditches and heavy ground on that 
 side of the country, while, when hounds were 
 at fault after running for ten minutes, the 
 number of dirty backs proved that my caution 
 was right. 
 
 Our fox had not run straight, but had taken 
 us round a semicircle, so that those who had 
 judiciously stuck to the roads were as forward 
 at the check as those who had ridden at the 
 tail of hounds. On lookini^ round I saw three 
 or four carriages but no go-cart, so con- 
 gratulated myself that, after all, Lavvy had 
 driven home, Alas ! my joy was but 
 momentary. 
 
 *' Beg pardon, sir, but Mrs. Mynton has 
 had an accident." 
 
 It was RIdemruff who spoke. 
 
 ''Great heavens, RIdemruff! what do you 
 mean ? " 
 
Lavinids Go-cart. 
 
 73 
 
 " Oh, there's nobody hurt, sir. She only 
 drove into a ditch instead of keeping in the 
 lane." 
 
 There was a scarcely perceptible smile on 
 Ridemruff's face as he said this. 
 
 I hurried to the spot where the accident had 
 
 AFTER THE ACCIDENT. 
 
 occurred, and there a sight met my eyes which, 
 under other circumstances, would have made 
 me roar with laughter. Lavinia and Bella 
 were standing in the lane with clothes covered 
 with mud, and countenances decidedly crest- 
 
74 In and Out of the Pig-skm. 
 
 fallen. The go-cart was in a dirty ditch, from 
 which Foolby and two grooms were trying to 
 extricate it, while Punch, who had been un- 
 harnessed, was looking on, perfectly contented 
 at the mischief which he had caused. As I 
 
 EN ROUTE. 
 
 dismounted Foolby had just managed to get 
 the go-cart into the lane, and I noticed that 
 his efforts in the ditch had considerably im- 
 paired the glossy beauty of his boots. I 
 inwardly rejoiced at this, for I felt sure that 
 it was Foolby who had persuaded Lavvy 
 
Lavuiias Go-cart. 75 
 
 to follow, instead of obeying me by going 
 home. 
 
 " No bones damaged," he said, as I came 
 up to the scene of the disaster. 
 
 " Is the cart hurt ? " I asked, with the vision 
 of a coach-builder's bill before my eyes. 
 
 Luckily there was no harm done but what 
 could easily be cured by the aid of water, so 
 Punch was reharnessed, and, giving Galey my 
 horse, I drove Lavvy and Bella away towards 
 home as quickly as I could. 
 
 Poor Lavvy ! I did not scold her. As it 
 was, it was all she could do to prevent herself 
 from crying. 
 
CHAPTER VI 
 
 THE HUNT BALL. 
 
 "'Tis only a county-town ball, 
 
 Where many a butt for your wit is ; 
 Yet here is epitomized all 
 
 The society life of great cities. 
 The ' Quidquid agunt homines, 
 Votum, timor, ira, voluptas,' 
 Your philosopher studies at ease. 
 
 And goes home when he decently supped has." 
 
 C. C. R. 
 
 HE Brlghtemall Hunt 
 Ball was the great 
 annual event of Brlghte- 
 mall society. Probably 
 l) in this particular, as in 
 most others, it was no 
 exception to the general 
 class of hunt balls. The 
 houses in the neio^hbourhood, incluclini^ Lavinia 
 
TJie Hunt Ball. 77 
 
 Lodge, were filled with guests for the great 
 occasion ; indeed, for weeks beforehand the 
 question " Whom shall we ask?" had driven 
 hosts and hostesses into a frantic state of 
 perplexity. I, however, was an exception in 
 regard to this detail, as I had wisely left the 
 choice of our visitors to Lavinia and Bella, 
 and the choice provided them with a subject 
 of conversation which never flagged either in 
 interest or warmth. 
 
 " I think, Bella, we ought to ask Miss 
 Consols. They have a nice house in Ken- 
 sington and might ask us to stay with them 
 for a few days in the season." 
 
 *' But, mother, she is so dreadfully ugly. We 
 could never get her partners, and one can't go 
 about telling everybody that she is an heiress." 
 
 Then would follow a lengthy discussion as 
 to the merits and demerits of Miss Consols, 
 which finally ended in Bella being victorious. 
 I wonder how it is that Bella can always beat 
 her mother in argument. I never succeed 
 myself in doing so. 
 
78 In and Out of the Pig-skin, 
 
 At last, however, our party was fixed to the 
 apparent satisfaction of everybody. We had 
 got the right people to meet the right people, 
 or rather to flirt with the right people. The 
 only mistake was that we had omitted to ask 
 anybody for me to flirt with ; but I considered 
 it wisest not to mention this omission. 
 
 The day of the Ball was a busy one for 
 Brightemall. Vehicles of every description. 
 Including Lavinla's go-cart, kept rattling through 
 the town up to the station. The chief hair- 
 dresser made more money than he usually does 
 In a month. All day long there was a curious 
 crowd in front of the entrance to the Town 
 Hall, watching with mingled feelings of envy 
 and admiration the preparations for the even- 
 ing festivities. In fact, the town of Brightemall 
 seemed to be bustling with excitement, and a 
 stranger would have thought that at the very 
 least a general election was pending. 
 
 We were to dine at half-past seven, so the 
 ladies retired to dress about five. How they 
 could spend all that time over their toilets was, 
 
The Hunt Ball. 79 
 
 and Is, a mystery to me. Still, when they did 
 condescend to make their appearance — which 
 was not until after the soup had got cold — I 
 felt proud of the galaxy of beauty which it 
 would be my duty to escort. I felt prouder 
 still, too, when in due course we entered the 
 ball-room, and the real business of the evening 
 commenced. 
 
 A well-known poet, in describing a county 
 ball, has written these lines ; — 
 
 *'Here, before in training for brides, 
 Led out are the fillies of fashion ; 
 And often the form here decides 
 
 If a town course they're fit for a dash on." 
 
 So it was with the Brightemall Hunt Ball; 
 and, as I am not a dancing man, I had plenty 
 of leisure to observe all that was to be observed. 
 I could notice the proud look of joy on the fat 
 face of the local doctor's wife as she watched 
 her daughter being whirled round by Sir Harry 
 Broadacre, and the look of disappointment on 
 that of the carroty-haired daughter of the 
 
8o III and Out of the Pig-skin, 
 
 parson, who longed to be in the same position. 
 Poor girl ! you need not be so jealous ; Sir 
 Harry is a fish who has baffled all the arts of 
 Belgravian matrons for the last dozen years, 
 and is hardly likely to be caught by the rustic 
 bait of your rival, fresh as it is. 
 
 I don't know to what extent my philosophical 
 ruminations would have led me If I had not 
 been led into dancing. It was DI Foolby who 
 had the courage to take me In hand. Certainly 
 it was only a square ; but as nobody does think 
 of taking the trouble nowadays to dance the 
 correct steps, I got through it fairly well, 
 though I must own that I did not enjoy It. 
 I would much rather have sat It out with the 
 same young lady. She said the floor was 
 deliehtful ; I thous^ht it was like ice, and was 
 in momentary dread of slipping down, an 
 anxiety which was not lessened by the fact 
 that Lord Heavyweight kept treading on my 
 pet corn, and thereby causing me to give 
 little Involuntary jumps, which, although they 
 increased the agility of my performance, yet 
 
The Hunt Ball, 
 
 8i 
 
 took away from that grace which would other- 
 wise have been its distinguishing feature. To 
 add to my annoy- 
 ance, Heavyweight 
 seemed so boister- 
 ously pleased with 
 himself the whole 
 time. 
 
 " I am engaged 
 to Lord Heavy- 
 weight for the next 
 dance," Di said to 
 me, as we were 
 sitting out after 
 my first and only 
 square. *' And he 
 waltzes at such a 
 pace that I really 
 feel quite afraid 
 that we shall come 
 to grief." 
 
 I suggested that it was not improbable. 
 Heavyweight ought to have K.I.X. labelled 
 
 G 
 
 
 LORD HEAVYWEIGHT, 
 
82 In and Out of the Pig-skin. 
 
 on his back when he goes into a ball-room. 
 So, when he came up to claim Di, I settled 
 myself to watch him, with every anticipation of 
 being amused. 
 
 It was as I had expected. Away they went 
 at express speed, Heavyweight dancing much 
 as if he were a mounted policeman clearing a 
 racecourse, and having about the same regard 
 for the feelings of those with whom he came in 
 contact. Now he cannons against Foolby and 
 Bella, sending them, with a good deal of force, 
 against a lively old dowager of about fifty. 
 The dowager looks daggers at Foolby, who 
 has to apologize, while Heavyweight continues 
 his mad career, with a broad smile all over 
 his countenance, as if it were the q-reatest 
 joke in the world. There is one thing in his 
 favour. He manages to steer so as to receive 
 all the knocks himself, which is an advantage 
 for his partner, though not for those who are 
 knocked. It is really very amusing to watch 
 him. Now he sends a feather-weight member 
 of the London tribe of mashers, whose idea 
 
The Hunt Ball. 83 
 
 of dancing consists in walking round the room 
 with his partner extended at arm's length 
 before him, right amongst the wall-flowers, 
 and is halfway down the room before that 
 young gentleman has recovered from his 
 surprise. Now he stops and looks round, 
 evidently pleased at the havoc he has created, 
 while everybody else, not even excepting Di, 
 looks relieved. 
 
 At last the time for the great event of the 
 evening — namely, supper — arrived ; and the 
 prospect of champagne and oysters, cold game, 
 and other luxuries, seemed to have an enliven- 
 ing effect upon everybody. I know that it 
 had upon me ; and I was going to ask Di to 
 let me take her up, when Lavvy came to me 
 to say that it was my duty, as a married man 
 and a host, to take up old Mrs. Squaretoes 
 instead. This was annoying, but I had to do 
 as I was bid, consoling myself, however, with 
 the reflection that at a hunt ball one can go up 
 to supper twice, so that I could take Di up 
 afterwards. As Mrs. Squaretoes' appetite was 
 
84 In and Out of the Pig-skin. 
 
 as great as her conversation was limited, I 
 was enabled to make a good square meal, as 
 they say, with the inward consciousness that 
 I was doing my duty and was therefore some- 
 what of a martyr. 
 
 MRS. SQUARETOE> 
 
 I wish all martyrdom was as pleasant. 
 
 When Mrs. Squaretoes' appetite was ap- 
 peased I conducted her back to the ball-room 
 again, and waited my opportunity to secure 
 
The Hunt Ball, 
 
 85 
 
 DI for a second edition of champagne and 
 oysters, which I did when all the extras were 
 over. I saw Mrs. Squaretoes looking at me 
 as if she would have liked to come up as well ; 
 but in the generosity of my heart I was 
 
 If -^^ 
 
 
 
 A NIGHTMARE. 
 
 unwilling that the lady should be the victim 
 of nightmare ; so Di and I had a merry 
 tUe-a-tite, and discussed champagne and the 
 company to the content of our respective 
 digestions and minds. 
 
86 In and Out of the Pig-skin, 
 
 After supper the spirit of the ball became 
 more lively. I noticed that even the London 
 masher occasionally condescended to smile, 
 and Heavy v/elght was more dangerous than 
 ever. There was a good deal of sitting out, 
 too. In dark corners, and I have reason to 
 suspect that the important question was 
 popped more than once. Champagne not only 
 elevates the spirits, but gives courage to the 
 bashful lover. I have been told that no small 
 percentage of the marriages In the neighbour- 
 hood of Brightemall are due to the Hunt 
 Ball. 
 
 But the room was now beginning to grow 
 empty. People with long drives home remem- 
 bered that they had to get up early If they 
 meant to hunt on the morrow. Chaperons 
 and old fogies were anxious to get away, now 
 that they had had their supper, and I, although 
 I am far from being an old fogy, must confess 
 that I was longing for an armchair and a pipe, 
 and was far from sorry when Lavlnia came to 
 me and said — 
 
The Hunt BalL 87 
 
 " Herbert, it is really time that we were 
 going. Do try to collect our party together." 
 
 I promised to try, but I soon discovered 
 that to try and to succeed are very different 
 things. There was Bella in the middle of the 
 room dancing with Foolby. I had no sooner 
 caught her eye than I missed two others of 
 our party, whom I eventually found out very 
 close together in a dark corner, and who 
 looked as awkward at my appearance as I felt 
 at findinor them. I was dodo^ingr about for full 
 twenty minutes with the consciousness that 
 my young guests were anathematizing me the 
 whole time. At last we got together and 
 away, and after a short smoke went to bed, 
 to get as much sleep as we could before 
 hunting on the morrow. 
 
 But that day's hunting requires a chapter to 
 itself. 
 
CHAPTER VII. 
 
 A COFFEE-HOUSE MEET. 
 
 SEEMS to be an estab- 
 lished custom that the 
 meet after a hunt ball 
 should be more fully at- 
 tended than any other 
 meet during the season. 
 Those who either don't 
 ride or have nothing to 
 ride turn up on wheels, 
 and it almost goes without saying that the 
 members of my house-party were determined 
 not to be out of the fashion. So, as they were 
 too many for the go-cart, I had chartered a 
 brake from the White Horse. I, of course, 
 
A Coffee-hoMse Meet. 89 
 
 was going to ride, and turned up at the break- 
 fast-table in my pink and buckskins, much to 
 the admiration of a young friend of ours from 
 London, who had never been to a meet before 
 in her life. 
 
 I had lent Beau Brummel to one of my 
 guests — a loan which afterwards he was sorry 
 that he had accepted — so was obliged to ride 
 Sir Roger myself. I noticed that this guest, 
 Swivel by name, grew a little nervous as the 
 time approached for us to mount, so I asked 
 him if he would like a glass of champagne. 
 
 Swivel said '' Yes." Swivel is a sporting 
 writer : that was why I had offered him the 
 Beau, thinking that he would enjoy a day's 
 hunting. I believe now that his hunting is 
 chiefly confined to Fleet Street, where he pur- 
 sues an animal called the ''oof bird," which, 
 to judge from the difficulty in catching it, must 
 be a very wary animal indeed. 
 
 In due course Galey junior appeared, riding 
 Sir Roger and leading the Beau, while Galey 
 senior drove up with the brake. It really was 
 
90 In and Out of the Pig-skin, 
 
 quite an imposing sight In front of the gates 
 of Lavlnia Lodge. 
 
 '' Now, Swivel, come along ! It's time we 
 were starting." 
 
 Swivel emerged from the dining-room with 
 courage revived by champagne, and proceeded 
 to climb on to the back of the Beau, while 
 I pointed out the merits of that quadruped to 
 the young lady from London in a way which 
 would have done credit to Ridemruff himself. 
 I then mounted Sir Roger, who made his bow 
 to the company in his own peculiar fashion, 
 namely, by putting his head between his fore- 
 legs and his hind-legs in the air. At first 
 I had found this habit somewhat inconvenient, 
 but by this time I had grown used to It. We 
 then jogged slowly along to the meet, leaving 
 the brake to overtake us. 
 
 We were soon there, for the very good 
 reason that we had not far to go, and, as I had 
 expected, the meet was very largely attended : 
 far more largely, indeed, than was consistent 
 with the Interests of sport. It seemed as if 
 
A Coffee-house Meet, 91 
 
 everybody had come out for a huge winter 
 picnic, which in fact most of them had. They 
 were there chiefly to talk about the ball, and 
 regarded the hunting as a subsidiary amuse- 
 ment provided for their entertainment when 
 other subjects failed. Even the Master pre- 
 tends to look pleased, though inwardly he is 
 consumed with anxiety as to the safety of his 
 "beauties." 
 
 Swivel and I spot out our brake and make 
 the best of our way towards it. Foolby is 
 already there : also Heavyweight, whom I can 
 hear saying that he will look out for them 
 at luncheon time. I mentally resolve to find 
 the brake before Heavyweight does. Swivel 
 looks as if he wished it was lunch, or at least 
 orange brandy, time now. 
 
 At last the disappearance of the hounds 
 make us remember that we have come out to 
 hunt and not to chatter, and, leaving the people 
 on wheels to take care of themselves, we 
 canter off to the first covert we are to draw, 
 where we stand waiting impatiently to see 
 
92 In and Out of the Pig- skin, 
 
 whether Reynard is at home. All that I can 
 see is that Heavyweight is very careful to keep 
 close to Di. 
 
 But, if the covert ever did contain a fox, it is 
 soon evident that he has gone away without 
 even the formality of leaving his address in the 
 shape of scent behind him — a want of polite- 
 ness which, I am sure, Swivel thanks him for 
 from the bottom of his heart. He looks as if 
 he were relieved instead of being disappointed ; 
 but I pretend not to notice it. 
 
 '' I am sorry we drew that covert blank, 
 Swivel, but we are sure to find at the gorse, 
 and get a good spin over one of the best parts 
 of the country. You'll find the fences a bit 
 tricky, but if you only give Beau his head he 
 won't bring you to grief." 
 
 It was a good mile and a half to the gorse, 
 and the whole way I tried to raise Swivel's 
 spirits with the hope of a good run. Yet my 
 efforts were in vain. 
 
 The carriages had been able to come roUnd 
 by the road, much to the joy of their occu- 
 
A Coffcc-Jiotise Meet. 93 
 
 pants, who either wanted to see themselves 
 or to show their friends as much of the sport 
 as possible ; nor were they destined to be dis- 
 appointed. The gorse was situated on the 
 top of a hill, whence you could see the 
 country around for miles, and a clever coach- 
 man, even if he could not see what the hounds 
 were doing, could easily show his charges no 
 small amount of the fun supplied by the 
 field. 
 
 " Tally-ho ! There he goes, down towards 
 the post-and-rails. A regular stout old dog- 
 fox, or I'll eat my hat ! Tally-ho ! " 
 
 *' Tally-ho ! " 
 
 " Forrad away ! Forrader ! Forrader ! " 
 
 Away we all went, nolentes volentes, and 
 Swivel was obliged to come with us, down 
 towards the post-and-rails, as formidable a piece 
 of field upholstery as one could wish to see. 
 I watched carefully to see If anybody took off 
 the top bar. There was Heavyweight going 
 at it on a horse which looked more like an 
 elephant than any other animal. Bang, smash ! 
 
94 -^^^ (^^"^d Out of the Pig-skin, 
 
 A lighter pair must have come to grief; but 
 Heavyweight goes on as If nothing had hap- 
 pened, leaving me to follow where he has taken 
 away the top rail. I looked behind. Beau 
 
 v^ii 
 
 SWIVEL EMBRACES THE BEAU. 
 
 is determined to have it, whether Swivel likes 
 or not. Well done, Beau ! I almost exclaim 
 aloud, as the lanky beast glides over, and 
 Swivel embraces him affectionately round the 
 neck. Two or three easy fences follow, and 
 
A Coffee-Jiotise Meet. 95 
 
 as I follow Heavyweight, they are rendered 
 still easier for me. 
 
 I had had the luck to get a good start and 
 a convenient leader, which perhaps accounted 
 for my courage. I felt that I was going well, 
 and devoutly hoped that our party in the car- 
 riage could see me. 
 
 On we go ! Hounds are going racing pace, 
 and we are evidently in for one of the good 
 things of the season. Both Heavyweight and 
 myself are gradually losing the good places 
 which we had at the start : the pace is too 
 quick for us. Still we persevere. Crash 
 through a bullfinch goes my leader, and I 
 creep through. After him we are in a large 
 ofrass field, at the end of which a row of willows 
 tells an ominous tale. I can already see empty 
 saddles on the other side of the brook, and 
 horses refusing on this side. Should I have 
 it or not ? 
 
 *' Put the pace on, sir, and trust to Sir Roger. 
 He can get over all right." 
 
 I glanced round. It was Ridemruff who had 
 
96 In and Out of the Fig-skin, 
 
 spoken. He was riding a young un, and had 
 evidently had more than one tumble. His 
 
 A MISHAP AT THE BROOK. 
 
 advice determined me. We got nearer and 
 nearer. Sir Roeer gathered himself toeether 
 
A CoffeC'-Jiottse Meet. 97 
 
 for the effort, and in another moment we were 
 over. 
 
 I beheve that was the proudest moment of 
 my Hfe. 
 
 The sound of a splash made me look round. 
 At first I could only see Beau on the taking-ofi 
 side of the brook, trotting quietly away. The 
 horse had followed his stable companion so 
 long as he thought it convenient ; but, seeing 
 no reason to jump the water, he had gal- 
 loped up to the edge, put his head down, 
 and sent Swivel into the middle of the 
 stream, up the bank of which he was now 
 clambering. 
 
 "■ Catch the horse and go round by the 
 bridge," I shouted, for I could not jump back 
 to help him, so did the best thing I could, viz. 
 gave him good advice, and went on. 
 
 " Come along, sir, this way. He has turned 
 short." 
 
 Again it was Ridemruff. His dripping state 
 showed that he had gone through and not over. 
 I was thankful to have him as a pilot. ' In 
 
 H 
 
98 In and Out of the Pig-skin, 
 
 another ten minutes we were again with the 
 hounds. Reynard had turned short down a 
 ditch, and hounds had overrun the scent, so 
 the time spent in casting back had enabled us 
 to get on terms with them once more. But 
 the Httle red rover's cunning tactics proved his 
 ruin. He had doubled back towards the road, 
 where the carriage people were congregated. 
 Frightened and uncertain which way to turn, 
 he once more made for the open. But it was 
 of no use ; his strength was spent, and after 
 struggling across two more fields he was 
 tumbled over. 
 
 But where was that crowd of brilliant horse- 
 men who had looked so gorgeous at the meet } 
 A very small minority were " in at the death ; " 
 a few more came straggling up while the obse- 
 quies were being celebrated, though these were 
 for the greater part '' roadsters " who had stuck 
 to the '' 'ard 'igh road." The majority had 
 been thrown out or thrown off. Oh ! the stories 
 which would be told that evening over the 
 wine ! How one lost a shoe, and another's 
 
A Coffee-house Meet. 99 
 
 horse went suddenly lame after the first fence ! 
 It would be a hundred to one against Ananias 
 in the " Ninth Commandment Hunting Stakes," 
 and ten to one that he would have been left at 
 the post. 
 
 But I am transgressing. In these short 
 memoirs it is not my intention to moralize. 
 Besides, I am certain that I ought not to 
 preach about the beauties of truth. I prefer 
 to leave that duty to barristers, politicians, par- 
 sons, et hoc geii7is omne. So, to return to the 
 main stream of my story — not the stream of 
 the run, for I don't want to return to that again 
 — I felt that after my exertions and the glory 
 which I and Sir Roger had gained, it was 
 ample time that the interior of my physical 
 organization should be made ampler, which 
 rightly interpreted means that I should reach 
 our brake before Heavyweight did, or before 
 the lunch was entirely consumed. So Sir 
 Roger and I walked towards the road ; we 
 both of us walked, for after the way in which 
 the horse had carried me I felt that he de- 
 
lOO hi and Out of the Pig-skin, 
 
 served to be relieved of my weight for a time. 
 I found Di standing by the side of the brake. 
 
 ''Have you seen Dick.^" she asked me as 
 I came up. 
 
 '* I fancy that I saw his horse careering 
 about the country, and somebody rather like 
 Dick trudging after him." 
 
 " What has become of Mr. Swivel ? " 
 
 '' Oh, I left him in the brook," I answered 
 casually. 
 
 The young lady from London looked at me 
 as if she thous^ht me the most cruel man in the 
 world. So I looked another way, and saw 
 Heavyweight coming up. 
 
 '* Lavvy, give me some lunch and something 
 to drink." 
 
 I knew what Heavyweight's appetite was. 
 
 *'Ah, Mrs. Mynton, told you I should find 
 you at lunch time. I say, Mynton, how well 
 that gee of yours took you over the brook ! 
 My brute refused, and I couldn't get him over 
 anyhow. Still I was rewarded by seeing the 
 funniest sight you ever saw." 
 
A Coffcc-hoitse Meet. loi 
 
 *' What was that ? " 
 
 " A Httle man on a lanky beast rather like 
 that other horse of 
 
 yours tried to fol- h^ 
 
 low you. Result: /i^ . . 
 
 the horse stopped, 
 and he took a 
 header right into 
 the centre of the 
 stream." 
 
 " Did he catch 
 the horse ? " I 
 asked anxiously. 
 
 ''Yes, or rather 
 some rustic did for 
 him. By all the 
 powers, here is the 
 
 very man 
 
 Poor Swivel 
 looked a lament- 
 able sight with his 
 dripping garments. 
 
 
 ■^^ 
 
 -^1 
 
 THE RETURN OF THE BEAU. 
 
 Heavyweight hid his 
 
 discomfiture in lunch, and everybody else 
 
I02 In and Out of the Pig-skin. 
 
 seemed Inclined to laugh, except the young 
 lady from London, who apparently pitied the 
 little man. Orange brandy, however, did a 
 good deal to restore him, and doubtless by 
 this time he has told his friends how he was 
 in the first flight all along. He was In the 
 first fright anyhow, and a letter can't make 
 much difference. 
 
 I advised him after dinner to write an 
 account of the run, and call It '* Flood and 
 Field." 
 
CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 I GO TO FLEET STREET. 
 
 A WALK DOWN FLEET STREET. 
 
 HE hunting sea- 
 son was coming 
 to a close, and, 
 as Bella and 
 Foolby were to 
 be married soon 
 after Easter, I 
 was not much 
 surprised when 
 Lavinia inform- 
 ed me one day 
 that it was time 
 to order Bella's 
 trousseau. 
 
 " Then, my 
 dear Lavvy, by 
 
 all means order it," I replied. 
 
I04 In and Out of the Pig-skin, 
 
 ''And there's her wedding dress, and my 
 dress, and altogether a heap of things to see 
 to. I am afraid we must go up to London 
 for two or three days to order the things, 
 and then go up again to have them tried 
 on." 
 
 As Lavinia on this occasion really had a 
 tangible excuse for a jaunt to London, I did 
 not oppose it. Besides, I should have to buy 
 many things myself, such as a new suit of 
 clothes for the auspicious occasion. 
 
 Foolby and Di were to come up with us, 
 for Foolby had to get a lot of new furniture 
 and so forth. But I will not bother my readers 
 with an account of the preparations which had 
 to be made for the wedding. They shall, if 
 they like, read of the ceremony itself in due 
 course. At present I shall ask them to follow 
 my movements during our short visit to 
 town. 
 
 I was lounorlnor alon^T the Strand one morn- 
 ing with the idle air of a man who has nothing 
 to do but to kill time when I met Swivel, 
 
/ p-0 to Fleet Street. 
 
 105 
 
 who looked more sporting in the street than 
 he did on the back of the Beau. 
 
 *' Never expected to see you in town at 
 
 SWIVEL, 
 
 this time of the year," he said. '* If you've 
 nothing better to do come and have some 
 lunch." 
 
io6 In and Out of the Pig-skin. 
 
 I had nothing better to do, for Foolby and 
 Bella had gone off to choose furniture, and 
 Lavinia and Di were on a shopping expedition, 
 so I accepted Swivel's invitation. 
 
 '' You don't mind walking as far as Fleet 
 Street, do you ? I want to go to the office, 
 and then we can lunch at a very curious old 
 place up there." 
 
 *' Not in the least. Besides, I should very 
 much like to see something of the Inner life of 
 Brain Street, as you call it." 
 
 ''Should you .^ All right, then. I'll act as 
 your cicerone." 
 
 We walked on until we came to the corner 
 of Chancery Lane, when Swivel said — 
 
 *' Come in here and have a sherry-and- 
 bltters. You'll be bound to see a lot of the 
 literary element." 
 
 '* What's the name of this place } " I asked. 
 
 *' The Monastery, where beautiful nuns serve 
 one with alcoholic refreshment to stimulate the 
 brain of the overworked journalist. It Is pre- 
 sided over by a jovial monk, who constantly 
 
/ go to Fleet Street. 
 
 107 
 
 asks you to have a glass of * the old, the very 
 old, dear boy,' with him.'* 
 
 " Oh, indeed," I replied, as we entered the 
 Monastery, where I expected to see men ''with 
 judgments matured by observation and reflec- 
 
 MONASTERY. 
 
 tion, tastes refined by reading and study," as 
 Mr. Pickwick expected to find Bob Sawyer 
 and Ben Allen, and, like that great man, I was 
 deceived in my expectations. I suppose my 
 looks expressed my astonishment, for Swivel 
 said — 
 
io8 In and Out of the Pig-skin. 
 
 " With few exceptions, these fellows are only 
 second-raters, the hangers-on of literature, so 
 to speak. Some of them will spend hours 
 here, waiting for something to turn up, with 
 about twopence in their pocket to get a glass 
 of beer with. They call themselves Bohemians, 
 and pretend to be hail-fellow-well-met with 
 each other. Really, they are the most jealous 
 set of men on the face of the earth, and abuse 
 each other like pickpockets behind their backs, 
 while they vary the monotony by borrowing 
 shillings and half-crowns from anybody who is 
 foolish enough to lend them to them." 
 
 '' Oh ! And these are the members of the 
 fourth estate of the realm ? " 
 
 ''Well, after all, they are like certain mem- 
 bers of the third estate, for they are In per- 
 petual danger of being suspended. You see 
 there are a lot of papers started, which only 
 exist for a month or so, when they go smash. 
 Somebody, however, must write for them, and 
 here you will hnd the contributors. Some of 
 these fellows, no doubt, have a splendid literary 
 
/ go to Fleet Street. 109 
 
 reputation amongst the nursemaids who per- 
 ambulate in Battersea Park." 
 
 At that moment I heard one man, who was 
 the centre of a beer-drinking group, remark in 
 a loud tone, " My experience is that the life 
 of a journalist is spent in public-houses, with 
 occasional intervals in a newspaper-office." I 
 was beginning to agree with him, when Swivel, 
 my guide, philosopher, and friend, suddenly 
 made a strategic movement to a little smoke- 
 room behind. I followed. 
 
 ** Did you see that red-haired fellow who 
 just came in .'^ " 
 
 " Yes," I replied. 
 
 "Just keep an eye on him, will you ? He 
 has got a committal-order for me, and, although 
 I am the most loyal of subjects, it would be 
 inconvenient for me to accept Her Majesty's 
 invitation to Hollo way Castle to-day." 
 
 I went back to watch the red-haired gentle- 
 man. He was evidently asking about Swivel, 
 and found that the universal opinion was that 
 he was at Monte Carlo. 
 
no In and Out of the Pig-skin, 
 
 " I heard that he was in London last night, 
 anyhow," remarked he of the red hair. 
 
 *' Drew a cheque for travelHng expenses 
 from the office this morning, and caught the 
 twelve o'clock train," replied the gentleman 
 who had previously given his opinion on a 
 journalistic life. Swivel told me afterwards he 
 was a novelist, so I suppose he was only 
 keeping his hand in for fiction. 
 
 We then adjourned to lunch. I forget the 
 name of the place where we went to, but I 
 think it was the Old Cheshire Cat. I know 
 that we ate some pudding composed of larks, 
 kidneys, oysters, and other ingredients, and 
 that Swivel had three helpings of it. I was 
 told that it — the place, not the pudding — had 
 been a favourite resort of Dr. Johnson's, and 
 was pointed out a spot on which the Doctor 
 had been accustomed to recline his head. 
 From the greasy state of the spot I judged 
 that the Doctor had been as extensive a patron 
 of pomatum as his literary successors were 
 extensive patrons of pudding and beer. 
 
/ ^0 to Fleet Street, 
 
 I II 
 
 AT THE OLD CHESHIRE CAT. 
 
 " Come along ! " said Swivel, whose spirits 
 were raised by luncheon and the Idea of having 
 escaped from the red-haired gentleman, in 
 
112 In and Out of the Pig- skin, 
 
 much the same proportion as the spirits of 
 the Old Cheshire Cat were lowered. *' Come 
 along ! I've a lot more to show you." 
 
 *' Of a literary nature, Swivel ? " I asked. 
 
 The little man smiled. 
 
 ** Even literary men must have a little 
 relaxation," he replied. 
 
 I had begun to think that it was all relaxa- 
 tion, but did not say so. It might have hurt 
 Swivel's feelings. 
 
 We got into a hansom. 
 
 '' Greciano's," shouted Swivel. " Must intro- 
 duce you to the Grecians." 
 
 I thought that now at last we were going 
 into classical society, and should enjoy intel- 
 lectual conversation which would remind me of 
 my old Oxford days. I was not disappointed ; 
 no — I was only mistaken. 
 
 We pulled up opposite to a restaurant in the 
 Strand, and Swivel jumped out and into the 
 restaurant, leaving me to pay the cab and 
 follow. I found myself in a long bar, at the 
 top of which was a dining-room, and in front 
 
/ go to Fleet Street. 1 1 3 
 
 of It a crowd of men, most of whom Swivel 
 seemed to know, and all of whom were unmis- 
 takably thirsty. T was immediately introduced 
 to a big, stout man, who answered to the name 
 of '' Chief," and whose mission in life seemed 
 to be to pay for the alcoholic refreshment of 
 the men who were round him. I told Swivel 
 this, and he informed me that he was an editor, 
 and that editors were always expected to pay 
 for the drinks of the staff. This was about 
 the only piece of literary information that I 
 learnt, and, according to the staff, the only 
 piece worth learning. Still, my inquiring mind 
 wanted to know more. 
 
 ''Swivel," I asked, ''do journalists collect 
 their news in bars ? " 
 
 "Most of it," he replied. "The Divorce 
 Court is not a bad hunting-ground. No more 
 is a racecourse, except that it is so con- 
 foundedly expensive." 
 
 I had heard of the " New Journalism ; " now 
 I began to understand what it meant. 
 
 After a time we went up into the dining- 
 
 I 
 
114 I^ ^^^ Out of the Pig-skin, 
 
 room, where there were several actresses and 
 music-hall artistes having a late luncheon. 
 Swivel seemed to know most of them, and 
 
 UPSTAIRS AT GRECIANO S. 
 
 chatted with one or another till he saw the 
 waiter coming with the bill, when he went on 
 to the next table. I did not notice this until 
 I had been twice left behind ; then I thought 
 it would be cheaper to follow Swivel's example. 
 To judge from their luncheon bills, the 
 salaries of actresses must be much greater 
 than I ever thought they were ; but my mind 
 
/ go to Fleet Street, 1 1 5 
 
 had already been disabused of so many pre- 
 viously conceived notions that nothing would 
 have surprised me. 
 
 How long I might have remained carrying 
 out my investigations, both literary, dramatic, 
 and otherwise, I do not know, if Swivel had 
 not told me that he must go home to dress, a 
 statement which reminded me that it was quite 
 time that I went home as well. I am afraid 
 I felt rather like a guilty schoolboy when I 
 met Lavinia ; but, fortunately, she was too 
 much engaged in telling me the details of the 
 dress she had ordered for Bella's wedding to 
 notice my confusion. 
 
 I think that some day I shall go again to 
 the Grecians, if only to improve my knowledge 
 of the dramatic profession. 
 
CHAPTER IX. 
 
 THE BRIGHTEMALL STEEPLECHASES. 
 
 A V I N G christened 
 these memoirs by the 
 Imposing and sporting 
 title of '' In and Out 
 of the PIg-skIn," It Is 
 with a regret not born 
 of modesty that I have 
 to confess that I have 
 nothing further to re- 
 late of my own per- 
 formances iit the pig- 
 skin. The end of the 
 huntins: season has 
 arrived, and both 
 Galey and the vete- 
 rinary surgeon have 
 decreed that both Beau and Sir Roger need 
 
The BrigJitemall Steeplechases. 1 1 7 
 
 rest ; also, as one lives and learns, I have 
 lately learnt that horses prefer to take their 
 rest on sawdust, to taking it on anything else. 
 The .reason for this I cannot explain ; but 
 Galey says it makes them better timber- 
 jumpers. Galey may be right or wrong : in 
 any case I shall be in the position to give a 
 decided opinion about his statement next 
 season. At present I incline to the belief 
 that he could give Ananias two stone and a 
 beating in the Hibernian hurdle race of furze 
 falsehoods run over the Westminster course 
 after the dinner-hour. I will only add, there- 
 fore, that the mere fact of Beau and Sir Roger 
 requiring rest proves that since my return to 
 Lavinia Lodge from drawing the coverts in 
 Fleet Street and the Strand — in which coverts 
 I was rather the fox than the hound — I had 
 lost neither time nor opportunity in riding and 
 tumbling off my two quadrupeds, and in other- 
 wise demonstrating to the world at large my 
 ardour for the chase. 
 
 But if I cannot write about myself as being 
 
ii8 In and Out of the Pig-skin, 
 
 in the pig-skin, I can at least give pleasure 
 to the reading public by writing about others 
 in the same position. In other words, to give 
 a brief description of the Brightemall Steeple- 
 chases, and on the principle that onlookers 
 see most of the game, I feel sure that I can 
 do that far better than if I had been in the 
 pig-skin on that memorable day. In fact, if 
 I had been in the pig-skin, the changes are 
 that my experience of the races would have 
 been confined to the first fence of the first race 
 in which I rode. 
 
 After this preamble, which I have written 
 not so much for the benefit of the ordinary 
 reader as for the benefit of the juvenile class 
 of would-be novelists, who expend their 
 energies on the penny productions of modern 
 fiction, so that they may be able to see what 
 an inestimable advantage " padding " is to an 
 author when he has nothing to write about, 
 I will now proceed to the subject of this 
 chapter — namely, steeplechasing as exemplified 
 by the Brightemall Steeplechases, held at the 
 
TJic Briglitemall Steeplechases. 119 
 
 village of Northbrldge, which village, I have 
 good reason to believe, is famous for nothing 
 else, and would not even be famous for its 
 races if I had not taken the trouble to write 
 about them. 
 
 It seems to be a recognized rule in nearly 
 every hunting county in England that the 
 end of the hunting season should be celebrated 
 by a race meeting. This is as it should be, 
 because it gives an opportunity to those ladies 
 and gentlemen whose disasters in the field 
 have afforded amusement to their superiors 
 in the saddle to take their revenge, and in 
 their turn to laugh at the attempts of the 
 soi-disaitt first-flight men to break their necks 
 by imitating professional jockeys in racing 
 across a country. I have a very funny notion 
 about this, which I intend to sell to Sir 
 Augustus Harris for his next pantomime. 
 However, sufficient for the day is the good 
 thereof, so I will now confine my literary 
 genius to the hitherto unknown, racing meeting 
 of the Brightemall Hunt. 
 
I20 In and Ont of the Pig- skin. 
 
 We — that Is, Lavinia and Bella — made up 
 a party of six for the occasion, which Included, 
 besides ourselves, Foolby, DI, and Heavy- 
 weight, with Galey junior to attend to the 
 opening of the hamper and champagne bottles, 
 without which — I allude to the champagne, 
 not Galey junior — no country steeplechase 
 meeting is complete. When the provisions 
 were duly packed we proceeded to pack our- 
 selves Into a waggonette, and drove off, or 
 rather on, to the course, which was about five 
 miles away. 
 
 I have said that we packed ourselves into 
 a waggonette, and I ought to further state 
 how we packed ourselves. Lavinia and my- 
 self sat opposite to each other, Bella and Foolby 
 side by side, as likewise Heavyweight and DI. 
 With the exception of Lavinia and myself, 
 nobody seemed to object to the fact that the 
 carriage was originally Intended to hold four 
 people instead of six. 
 
 As we drove through Brightemall It seemed 
 as if the Inhabitants of that usually sleepy 
 
The Brightemall Steeplechases. 121 
 
 town had suddenly been aroused Into a state 
 of frantic dissipation. The White Horse must 
 have been doing a stupendous trade, to judge 
 from the number of vehicles of every sort, 
 size, and description which were standing 
 
 TYPES IN THE MARKET-PLACE. 
 
 before it, while the market-place was crowded 
 with every type of man. The jolly rubicund 
 face of the farmer, the sharp countenance 
 of the Israelitish bookmaker, horsebreakers, 
 gipsies, yokels, all were there — some for 
 business, some for pleasure, but all bound 
 
122 In and Out of the Pig-skin. 
 
 for the races, and all intent upon enjoying 
 what Foolby termed "the humours of the 
 road." 
 
 Whether it be an advantao^e or a dis- 
 advantage to be compelled to be only a 
 spectator of, instead of a participator in, these 
 humours, I cannot say. I felt as if I were 
 witnessing the harlequinade of an out-door 
 pantomime, and certainly should not have cared 
 to be at the mercy of some of the clowns. 
 I should not have borne their practical chaff 
 with my ordinary good-nature. 
 
 We got on to the course without any mishap, 
 not that there was any reason why a mishap 
 should have occurred to us, and secured a 
 good place close to the rails. The first race 
 would not come off for half an hour, so Heavy- 
 weight suggested that we should walk round 
 the course. This we — that is, Foolby and 
 myself — agreed to do. We also agreed that 
 lunch should be got ready in our absence, so 
 that we could eat it between the first and 
 second races — and drink it till the last race. 
 
The Bright email Steeplechases. 123 
 
 We then trudged off to look at the fences, of 
 which I need only say that, although I have 
 been often told that a jump looks much bigger 
 on foot than on horseback, yet there was 
 hardly a single obstacle in the course at which 
 I should have cared to have ridden the Beau 
 or Sir Roger. 
 
 "■ Now, then, let's have a sweepstake," cried 
 Heavyweight. " Let me see, we shall have 
 to put in a blank, as there are only five starters 
 and there are six of us." (Wonderful arith- 
 metician, Heavyweight !) " Will you draw 
 first, Mrs. Mynton .^ " 
 
 I drew the blank. I drew blanks the whole 
 afternoon, except once, when there were seven 
 starters ; then my horse fell at the second 
 fence. 
 
 After the first race lunch seemed to be the 
 order of the day. What a popping of corks 
 there was ! It seemed as if everybody on the 
 course wanted to join in the prayer of the 
 poet — 
 
124 I^ ^^^ Out of the Pig-skin, 
 
 '* O wines of Champagne, pure and mellow, 
 Grace let me implore, 
 From Carte Blanche and Carte d'Or, 
 While from Monopole and Montebello 
 Libations to Bacchus I pour ! " 
 
 And It was not until the magic sound of 
 the saddling bell was heard that we again 
 thought about the real business of the day. 
 Then we all jumped up in a hurry, and I 
 upset a plate of cold chicken Into Lavinia's 
 lap. 
 
 The next race was a hunters' steeplechase, 
 which we were told would prove very exciting, 
 as one horse was certain to win If his jockey, 
 who was also the owner, could ride him. It 
 appeared that this man could not ride unless 
 he was partially Intoxicated, and the difficulty 
 was to train him to his fit condition and not 
 to overtrain him. As he rode by In his 
 preliminary canter many were the opinions 
 expressed. 
 
 ** He's too drunk. He can't possibly ride 
 round the course." 
 
TJie Bright email Steeplechases. 125 
 
 " Nonsense ! I don't believe they have 
 i^iven him enough." 
 
 As a matter of fact, the fellow won in a 
 
 HE WON IN A CANTER ! 
 
 canter, by about ten lengths. I heard after- 
 wards that he tried to ride the horse home 
 in the evening, but tumbled off into a 
 
126 In and Otit of the Pig-skin, 
 
 ditch, where he was found the next morning 
 asleep, with the animal calmly grazing beside 
 him. 
 
 The next of the races, with the exception 
 of a few falls, contained nothlno^ of much 
 interest. We betted and I lost. We drank 
 champagne and smoked, and occasionally- 
 strolled into the paddock, as most people do 
 on such occasions ; and, after the last race, 
 started home again, which we reached safely, 
 in spite of the erratic driving of several Jehus 
 on the road. 
 
 After such a pleasant afternoon it was not 
 likely that we were going to break up our 
 party, so I asked the Foolbys and Heavy- 
 weight to stay to dinner. 
 
 *' Never mind dressing ; we can sit down 
 as we are." 
 
 As Foolby and Heavyweight accepted at 
 once, Di had no opportunity of refusing. 
 
 '* Excuse me for the present, I've got some 
 important letters to write." 
 
 And I went into my study. 
 
The Brightcmall Steeplechases, 127 
 
 I had hardly sat down before Lavinia 
 entered. I thought of the cold chicken and 
 trembled. 
 
 '• Herbert, you have been betting to-day." 
 
 '* Yes — and lost," I answered. 
 
 ''Well, I want to make one bet with you 
 now." 
 
 I was surprised. 
 
 *'You seem to have caught a gambling 
 fever." 
 
 " I will bet you a new dress that Lord 
 Heavyweight and Di are engaged before 
 dinner." 
 
 '* But, Lavvy, even if I won, the dress would 
 be of no use to me." 
 
 " Then you can have a pair of gloves in- 
 stead. Come ! A dress to a pair of gloves. 
 Is it a bet ? " 
 
 *' Oh ! very well ; if you like." 
 
 I must have been writing for nearly an hour, 
 when the door burst open, and Heavyweight's 
 voice exclaimed — 
 
 *' I say, old chap. Oh, I beg your pardon. 
 
128 In and Out of the Pig-skin, 
 
 I thought Foolby was here. But, I say, I've 
 entered." 
 
 " Entered what ? " 
 
 ** Entered for the matrimonial stakes." 
 
 I congratulated him heartily, for I was 
 really glad to hear of the engagement. 
 
 '' But," I continued, " wouldn't it be better 
 to announce the happy news after dinner ? 
 Manage to have a little ttte-d-tte with Di, 
 while Foolby and I sit over the wine, and 
 then let it come out as a surprise in the 
 drawing-room." 
 
 "Well, Di has already rushed off to tell 
 Mrs. Mynton." 
 
 ** Then it's of no consequence," I replied. 
 
 I proposed the health of the newly engaged 
 couple at dinner, and Heavyweight pretended 
 to return thanks. 
 
 '' You must know," he said, '' that our 
 worthy host wanted me to announce all this 
 — er — you know — er — in the drawing-room 
 afterwards — er — you know — to — er — sort of 
 ring down the curtain." 
 
The Brlghteniall SteeplecJiases. 129 
 
 ** Herbert ! " It was Lavinla's voice. 
 
 ** Yes, my dear." How red I was ! 
 
 " And a bonnet as well, my love." 
 
 Then everybody laughed but me ; for, of 
 
 course, Lavvy had told Di about the dress, 
 and she had told Heavyweight and Bella, 
 and Bella had told Foolby. 
 
 I was the victim of a foul conspiracy. 
 
 '' Never mind, papa dear ; we have been 
 
 K 
 
130 In and Out of the Pig-skin. 
 
 racing to-day, and you caught the turf fever, 
 didn't you ? " 
 
 ** But forgot to square the ring," laughed 
 Heavyweight. 
 
 Anyhow, I was not allowed to forget to 
 settle. 
 
CHAPTER X. 
 
 WEDDING BELLS. 
 
 HE day fixed for Bella's 
 wedding had at last 
 arrived. I say '' at 
 last " advisedly, be- 
 cause for the ten days 
 preceding it Lavinia 
 Lodge had been in a 
 state of the most utter discomfort. The draw- 
 ing - room had been turned into a private 
 exhibition of the wedding presents, with the 
 result that my own study — my smtcttcm 
 sanctorum — was crowded with various para- 
 phernalia, such as Dresden china and Chip- 
 pendale furniture. I might have borne this 
 
132 In and Out of the Pig-skin. 
 
 contentedly, but the prevailing confusion 
 extended to the culinary department. Lavinia 
 was invariably away all the morning at 
 Foolby's house, helping DI to make all arrange- 
 ments for the happy couple, while the happy 
 couple did nothing but talk Inane nonsense 
 to one another. Not that I overheard much 
 of their conversation ; I only judge from what 
 Lavinia used to say to me immediately before 
 our marriage. 
 
 Thus I lived In a chronic state of boredom 
 and bad dinners. If I was at home in the 
 afternoon I was driven out of the drawing- 
 room by the female visitors who had called to 
 see the presents ; if I went Into the dining- 
 room there were Foolby and Bella ; and if I 
 sought refuge In 7ny own study, it was ten to 
 one that I found Heavyweight and DI. More 
 than once I thought of running away to 
 London and seeking the society of Swivel, 
 but I was not quite certain that he might not 
 be in Holloway. To add to my misery, Lavvy 
 told me that she wondered that I could be of 
 
IVcdding Bells. 133 
 
 no use. I wondered likewise ; but, as I could 
 find no solution to the mystery, I did my best 
 to keep out of the way. 
 
 And yet there are men now alive who call 
 themselves ** lords of creation " ! I was not 
 even '' lord " of my own house. 
 
 Then, of course, we had had a lengthy dis- 
 cussion as to what hour the ceremony should 
 take place. Lavvy wanted it to be at two 
 o'clock. She said that was the fashionable 
 time. I replied that we could not well sit 
 down to breakfast at three. 
 
 " You think the breakfast the most important 
 thing, I suppose ? " 
 
 " Most certainly, my dear," I answered. 
 
 Then followed a little conjugal conversation, 
 in which the terms '' gluttony " and " religion " 
 got so mixed up as to remind anybody but 
 myself of a clerical dinner-party. It reminded 
 me of the uselessness of a certain phrase in 
 the Prayer-book, about love, honour, and obedi- 
 ence. The change in our marriage laws, 
 recently decided in the Law Courts, had not 
 
134 ^^ ^^^ 0^tt of the Pig-skin, 
 
 occurred, or doubtless it would have reminded 
 me of that. However, as I find Lavvy a 
 sufficiently strong antagonist, I will not pro- 
 voke the enmity of all the Women's Rights 
 Associations In the kingdom by giving the 
 details of our argument. I have no wish to 
 be obliged to seek refuge at the North Pole 
 yet. Suffice It to say, then, that, after a debate 
 as lengthy and as vituperative as any which 
 ever took place in the House of Commons, It 
 was decided that the religious ceremony should 
 take place at one, and the eating and drinking 
 ceremony immediately afterwards. 
 
 In one matter Bella had been extremely 
 fortunate, namely, in the selection of her 
 bridesmaids. Di was the principal one, and 
 the others were two very pretty, lively girls, 
 old friends of hers. After their arrival at 
 Lavinia Lodge, I did not find my boredom so 
 unbearable. Unluckily, however, they only 
 came the night before the wedding, so that 
 my period of misery was not very much 
 reduced. 
 
IVeddmg Bells. 135 
 
 I know that Lavvy was awake at seven 
 o'clock on the eventful morning, because she 
 woke me to say that it was a fine day. I 
 tried to go to sleep again, but it was of no 
 use ; just as I was dropping off, Lavvy said — 
 
 '' Herbert, do get up. There is such a lot 
 for you to do." 
 
 As far as I knew, my only duty that morn- 
 ing was to put out the wine — an important 
 duty, I confess — but not one that would be 
 hkely to take me a long time. However, I 
 reversed the marriage service and obeyed. 
 The only result of my obedience was that I 
 had to wait over half an hour for my breakfast 
 when I got downstairs. 
 
 The worst of having weddings so late is 
 that nobody knows how to get through the 
 morning. On the other hand, it may be said 
 that if you have them early nobody knows 
 how to get through the afternoon. So that, 
 after all, it is but a choice of two evils. I 
 know that after I had put out the wine I 
 wandered about in a hopeless condition, getting 
 
136 In and Out of the Pig-skin, 
 
 into everybody's way, until I did at last what 
 I might just as well have done at first, and 
 went off for a stroll with the two pretty brldes- 
 
 
 KILLING TIME PLEASANTLY. 
 
 maids. So I passed the rest of the morning 
 very pleasantly till It was time to have some 
 lunch and dress. 
 
 Bella and I were, of course, the last to leave 
 
Wedding Bells. lyj 
 
 the house for the church, and, when the 
 carriage was waiting at the door, I own that 
 I felt sorry to think that I was going to lose 
 her. Mere sentiment, reader, you will say ; 
 but, as there is so little of that article In the 
 world, take my advice, and cling tightly to 
 what is left. I should have liked to have 
 clung tightly to Bella for a moment, but I was 
 afraid of spoiling her dress. 
 
 Weddings are all more or less alike, and 
 Bella's did not differ from the rest. There 
 was the usual crowd at the church-door, who 
 made audible remarks of a truthful and annoy- 
 ing kind. There were the bridesmaids looking 
 as If they would like to change places with the 
 bride. There was the best man. In this case 
 Heavyweight, having the appearance of a 
 Pagan priest about to sacrifice a victim to 
 the gods. Last, but not least, there were the 
 bride and bridegroom, looking like amateur 
 actors appearing for the first time on the stage, 
 only. If anything, a trifle more nervous. The 
 guests resemble the audience in the stalls at 
 
138 In and Out of the Pig-skin, 
 
 a matinde, while pit and gallery are represented 
 by the horrid urchins and old women who 
 exercise their physical strength in throwing 
 old shoes and rice. With the exception of 
 the last-mentioned athletic contingent, every- 
 body is glad when they are on the way home 
 again to drink the health of the happy 
 couple. 
 
 We were certainly a merry party at Lavinia 
 Lodge. We drank success to Foolby and 
 Bella. I made a sly allusion to DI and Heavy- 
 weight, which made DI blush — nothing could 
 make Heavyweight blush — and when we had 
 all eaten and drunk enough or more than 
 enough than was good for us, we did what 
 most people do under similar circumstances, 
 and stopped. Then Bella and Foolby drove 
 off to the railway station, trying to look as if 
 they had been married for years, and signally 
 falling in the attempt, a failure which lasted 
 throughout their railway journey, as Heavy- 
 weight had bribed a porter to tie an old shoe 
 on to the handle of the door of their carriage. 
 
Wedding Bells. 
 
 139 
 
 heavyweight's little joke. 
 
 Foolby does not know to this day why they 
 created such a sensation at every station they 
 stopped at. 
 
 The rest of the day was uneventful. The 
 servants got more or less tipsy, as they usually 
 do on such occasions — they seem to think it 
 is their special prerogative, which it would be 
 a disgrace not to exercise. The pretty brides- 
 
1 40 In and Out of the Pig-skin, 
 
 maids were more or less sleepy, though what 
 they had done to make them so I do not know, 
 and everybody was glad when it was time to 
 say ''good night." 
 
 And now I must say '' farewell.*' 
 
 There is a law amongst novelists, as invio- 
 lable as the laws of the Medes and Persians, 
 that when the bell rings for the curtain to go 
 down after a weddino^ — and a weddinor is the 
 final scene which meets with the greatest 
 approval — it should be stated that the married 
 couple lived happily ever afterwards. As often 
 this final scene, which I have myself adopted 
 in order to increase my popularity, takes place 
 in the same year as the book is published, the 
 reader is led to imagine that the lives of the 
 said married couple did not extend beyond 
 the honeymoon. Now, unless the honeymoon 
 be spent at Monte Carlo, or some other place 
 noted for suicidal mania, this supposition is 
 generally erroneous. Again, the Edwin and 
 Angelina of fiction are generally represented 
 
IVedding Bells. 141 
 
 as being blest with a family of little boys and 
 girls, which representation, for the reasons 
 already stated, is often an Insult to Angelina. 
 In the present case, as Bella and Foolby have 
 been married less than six months, I can only 
 state that, to the best of my belief, their lives 
 have been happy, and that, to my certain 
 knowledge, they are not blest with a family 
 of children. I must, therefore, apologize for 
 violating a hitherto Inviolable law. 
 
 But the customs of novelists are as numerous 
 as the tricks of advertising agents, company 
 promoters, and other people of whom the 
 public hold a high estimation. One of these 
 customs Is, take the dramatis personce in the 
 order of merit, and briefly say what happened 
 to them. So, as I am facile princeps drafnatis 
 persona, I will narrate the only thing w^hlch 
 has happened to me worth telling; and that 
 Is, that when I rode Sir Roger cub-hunting 
 about a fortnight ago he was so fresh that he 
 put me over his head on to the ground, where I 
 lay on my back. Luckily the ground was soft. 
 
142 In and Out of the Pig-skin, 
 
 Of Lavinia, I need only say that, now 
 that Bella has left home, and there is 
 nobody to dispute her authority, she has 
 grown stouter. Such Is not the case with 
 Punch, whom she drives every day and every- 
 where. 
 
 DI is now Lady Heavyweight. I know 
 that because I had to give Hunt and Roskell 
 a cheque before the wedding, and had a 
 headache after It. 
 
 The two pretty bridesmaids are still un- 
 married ; but, as matrimonial agencies have 
 gone out of fashion, nobody need apply to me 
 for their addresses. 
 
 Everybody else is well, much to the disgust 
 of the local undertaker. Even RIdemruff has 
 not broken his neck. 
 
 One more word, and I have finished. 
 
 Some writers, who must hold a very bad 
 opinion of the Intelligence of their readers, 
 apologize to them for having written a book. 
 I do nothing of the sort. On the contrary, I 
 shall expect the reading public to apologize 
 
Wedding Bells. 
 
 143 
 
 to mc if they don't purchase my work; I 
 don't care whether they read it, but as I 
 want to buy a new hunter I should hke the 
 money. 
 
 PRINTED BY WILLIAM CLOWES AND SONS, LIMITED, 
 LONDON AND EECCLES 
 
BOOKS ON SPORT, ETC. 
 
 ROBERT C. LESLIE. 
 
 THE SEA BOAT: HOW TO BUILD, RIG, AND SAIL 
 HER. By RoHERT C. Leslie, Author of "A Sea Painter's 
 Log," " Old Sea Wings, Ways and Words," &c. With numerous 
 Illustrations by the Author. Crown 8vo, 4^. dd. 
 
 AUGUSTUS GRIMBLE. 
 
 SHOOTING AND SALMON FISHING: HINTS AND 
 
 RECOLLECTIONS. By Augustus Grimhle, Author of 
 "Deer-Stalking." With Illustrations. Demy 8vo, i6j-. 
 
 CHARLES DIXON. 
 
 THE MIGRATION OF BIRDS. An Attempt to Reduce 
 Avian Season-Flight to Law, By Charles Dixon, Author of 
 " Annals of Bird Life," &c. Crown 8vo, 6j-. 
 
 F. G. AFLALO AND SURGEON-GENERAL C. T. PASKE. 
 
 THE SEA AND THE ROD. By F. G. Aflalo and Surgeon- 
 General C. T. Paske. With Illustrations. Crown Svo, 4^-. dd. 
 
 W. BROMLEY DAVENPORT. 
 
 SPORT : Fox Hunting, Salmon Fishing, Covert Shooting, Deer 
 Stalking. By the late W. Bromley Davenport, M.P. With 
 Illustrations by General Crealock, C.B. Crown Svo, 3^. dd. 
 
 FRANK BUCKLAND. 
 
 LOG-BOOK OF A FISHERMAN AND ZOOLOGIST. 
 
 By Frank Buckland. With Illustrations. Fifth Thousand. 
 Crown Svo, 3^. (id. 
 
 MAJOR TRAHERNE. 
 
 THE HABITS OF THE SALMON. By Major Traherne. 
 Crown Svo, y. 6d. 
 
 JOHN WATSON. 
 
 BRITISH SPORTING FISHES. By John Watson. Crown 
 Svo, 3^. 6d. 
 
 WILLIAM DAY. 
 
 THE RACEHORSE IN TRAINING: W^ith Hints on Racing 
 and Racing Reform, to which is added a chapter on Shoeing. By 
 William Day. Seventh Edition. Demy Svo, gs. 
 
 CAPTAIN L. ANDERSON. 
 
 AMONG TYPHOONS AND PIRATE CRAFT. By Captain 
 Lindsay Anderson. With Illustrations by Stanley Wood. 
 Crown Svo, 5^. 
 
 CAPTAIN L. ANDERSON. 
 
 A CRUISE IN AN OPIUM CLIPPER. By Captain Lindsay 
 Anderson. With Illustrations. Crown Svo, 6s. 
 
 CHAPMAN & HALL, ld., LONDON. 
 
 L 
 
NEW NOVELS AT THREE AND SIXPENCE EACH. 
 
 ANDREE HOPE. 
 THE VYVYANS ; or, The Murder in the Rue Belle Chasse. 
 
 By Andr^e Hope. Crown 8vo. 
 
 MORLEY ROBERTS. 
 IN LOW RELIEF : A Bohemian Transcript. By Morley 
 Roberts. Second Edition. Crown 8vo. 
 
 PUSHKIN. 
 QUEEN OF SPADES AND OTHER STORIES. By A. S. 
 
 Pushkin. With a Biography. Translated from the Russian 
 by Mrs. Sutherland Edwards. Illustrated. Crown 8vo. 
 
 CHARLES BLATHERWICK. 
 IN THE SHADE OF SCHIEHALLION. By Charles 
 Blatherwick, Author of " Peter Stonnor." With 8 Illustrations. 
 Crown 8vo. 
 
 MARY A. DICKENS. 
 CROSSCURRENTS. By Mary A. Dickens. Second Edition. 
 Crown 8vo. 
 
 LOUISA STRATENUS. 
 SUSPECTED. By Louisa STRATENUS. Crown 8vo. 
 
 MABEL E, WOTTON. 
 A GIRL DIPLOMATIST. By Mabel E. Wotton. Crown Svo. 
 
 FRANCIS ADAMS. 
 AUSTRALIAN LIFE : Stories and Sketches. By Francis 
 Adams. Crown Svo. 
 
 MRS. SUTHERLAND EDWARDS. 
 THE SECRET OF THE PRINCESS: A Tale of Country, 
 
 Camp, Court, Convict, and Cloister Life in Russia. V>y Mrs. 
 Sutherland Edwards. Crown 8vo. 
 
 OSWALD CRAWFURD. 
 BEYOND THE SEAS : Being- the surprising Adventures 
 
 and ingenious Oi)inions of Ralph, Lord St. Keyne, told by his 
 kinsman, Humphrey St. Keyne. By Oswald Crawfukd. 
 Second Edition. Crown 8vo. 
 
 VIOLET FANE. 
 THE STORY OF HELEN DAVENANT. By Violet Fank. 
 Crown Svo. 
 
 HENRY MURRAY. 
 A DEPUTY PROVIDENCE. By Henry Murray. Crown 
 
 CHAPMAN & PIALL, ld., LONDON. 
 
A NEW ISSUE OF CHARLES DICKENS'S WORKS. 
 COPYKIGHT. 
 
 HALF-CROWN EDITION. 
 
 Tfiis Edition contains the whole of Dickens's IVorhs, with all 
 the Original Illustrations. Cf own 8to, 2S. 6d. each. 
 
 Printed from the Edition that was carefully corrected 
 by the Author in 1867 and 1868. 
 
 VOLUMES NOW READY. 
 
 THE PICKWICK PAPERS. With 43 Illustrations by Seymour and 
 Phiz. 
 
 BARNABY RUDGE : A Tale of the Riots of 'Eig-hty. With 76 
 Illustrations by George Cattekmole and H. K. Browne. 
 
 OLIVER TWIST, With 24 Illustrations by George Cruikshank. 
 
 THE OLD CURIOSITY SHOP. With 75 Illustrations by George 
 Cattermole and H. K. Browne. 
 
 DAVID COPPERFIELD. With 40 Illustrations by Phiz. 
 
 NICHOLAS NICKLEBY. With 40 Illustrations by Phiz. 
 
 MARTIN CHUZZLEWIT. With 40 Illustrations by Phiz. 
 
 DOMBEY AND SON. With 40 Illustrations by Phiz. 
 
 SKETCHES BY " BOZ." With 40 Illustrations by George Cruikshank. 
 
 BLEAK HOUSE. With 40 Illustrations by Phiz. 
 
 LITTLE DORRIT. With 40 Illustrations by Phiz. 
 
 CHRISTMAS STORIES, from "Household Words." With 14 
 Illustrations by Dalziel, Green, Mahoney, &c. 
 
 AMERICAN NOTES and REPRINTED PIECES. With 8 Illus- 
 trations by Marcus Stone and F. Walker. 
 
 CHRISTMAS BOOKS. With 63 Illustrations by Landse r, Doyle. 
 Maclise, Leech, &.c. 
 
 HARD TIMES and PICTURES FROM ITALY. With 3 Illus- 
 trations by F. Walker and Marcus Stone. 
 
 TO BE FOLLOWED BY 
 
 GREAT EXPECTATIONS. With 8 Illustrations by Marcus Stone. 
 
 UNCOMMERCIAL TRAVELLER. With 8 Illustrations by Marccs 
 Stone. 
 
 TALE OF TWO CITIES. With 16 Illustrations by Phiz. 
 
 OUR MUTUAL FRIEND. With 40 Illustrations by Marcus Stone. 
 
 EDWIN DROOD and OTHER STORIES. With 12 Illustrations by 
 Luke Filues. 
 
 A CHILD'S HISTORY OF ENGLAND. With 3 Illustrations by 
 Marcus Stone. 
 
 Alay, 1893. 
 
 CHAPMAN & HALL, ld., LONDON. 
 
THOMAS CARLYLE 
 
 A RE-ISSUE OF 
 
 THE WORKS OF THOMAS CARLYLE. 
 
 Price 2s. 6d. each. 
 
 This Edition will include the whole of Thomas Carlyle's writings 
 and translations, together with the Portraits and Maps, strongly bound 
 in cloth, and will be 
 
 COMPLETED IN 20 CROWN 8vo VOLUMES. 
 
 Sartor Resartus and Latter-day Pamphlets. With a Portrait of 
 Thomas Carlyle. [Ready. 
 
 Past and Present and on Heroes and Hero Worsliip. [Ready. 
 
 Life of John Sterling; and Life of Schiller and the Examination 
 of his Works. With Portraits. [Keady. 
 
 ■JO BE FOLLOWED BY 
 
 Critical and Miscellaneous Essays, Early King-s of Norway, 
 and Essay on the Portraits of John Knox- With Portraits ot 
 John Knox. [In /our volumes. 
 
 French Revolution : a History. [/« two volumes. 
 
 Oliver Cromwell's Letters and Speeches. With Portrait of Oliver 
 Cromwell. [/« three volumes. 
 
 History of Frederick the Great. With I\Iaps. [In five volumes. 
 
 Wilhelm Meister. [/« two volumes. 
 
 Translations from Musaeus, Tieck, and Richter. [/« one volume. 
 
 GEORGE MEREDITH'S WORKS. 
 
 Crown %vo, 1$. 6d, each. 
 
 ONE OF OUR CONQUERORS. 
 DIANA OF THE CROSSWAYS. 
 EVAN HARRINGTON. 
 THE ORDEAL OF RICHARD 
 
 FEVEREL. 
 HARRY RICHMOND. 
 SANDRA BELLONI. 
 
 VITTORIA. 
 RHODA FLEMING. 
 HEAUCHAMPS CAREER. 
 THE EGOIST. 
 
 THE SHAVING OF SH.\GPAT 
 AND FARINA. 
 
 SAMUEL LAING'S WORKS. 
 
 Human Orig-ins; Evidence from Science and History. Tenth 
 
 Thousand. Demy 8vo, 3^-. 6d. 
 
 Prohlems of the Future, and Essays. Tenth Thousand. Demy 8vo, 
 3^. 6d. 
 
 Modern Science and Modern Thought. With a Supplementary Chapter 
 on Gladstone's "Dawn of Creation," and Drummond's "Natural Law in the 
 Spiritual World." Fifteenth Thousand. Demy 8vo, 3^. 6d. 
 
 A Modern Zoroastrian. Seventh Thousand. Demy Svo, 3^. 6d 
 
 CHAPMAN & HALL, ld., LONDON. 
 
WORK IS OUR LIFE. 
 
 ^* Slio^w me 'What you can do, 
 
 And I 'Will slio-w you -what you are." 
 
 LORD STANLEY (now Earl of Derby), in an Address to the Students of Glasgow, 
 said : " As Work is our Life, show me what you can do, and I will sho/v you what you are." 
 
 "WHO ARE THE HAPPY, WHO ARE THE 
 FREE? YOU TELL ME, AND I'LL TELLTHEE. 
 
 Those who have tongues that never lie, 
 Truth on the lip, truth in the eye, 
 To Friend or to Foe, 
 To all above, and to all below ; 
 
 THESE ARE THE HAPPY, THESE ARE THE 
 FREE, SO MAY IT BE WITH THEE AND ME." 
 
 IV/ia^ higlier aim can man attain thj.n 
 conquest over human pain ? 
 
 Drawing an Overdraft on the Bank of Life. 
 
 Late Hours. Faeged, Unnatural Excitement, Breathing Im 
 pure Air, too Rich Food. Alcoholic Drink, Gouty, Rhemnartc, 
 and other Blood Poisons, Fevers, Feverish Colds, Influenza, 
 Sleeplessness, Bi'iousne s Sick Headache, Skin Eruptions, 
 Pimples on the Face, Want of Appetite, Sourness of Stomach, 
 &c. It prevents diarrhoea, and removes it in the early stages. 
 
 Use ENO'S '• FRUIT SALT." 
 
 It is Pleasant, Cooling, Health-giving, 
 Refreshing, and Invigorating. 
 
 You cannot overstate its great value in keeping 
 the Blood Pure and free from Disease. 
 
 TO ALT. LEAVING HOME FOR A CHANGE.— Don't go without a bottle of ENO'S 
 
 "FRUIT SALT." It pievents any over-acid state of the blood. It should be kept In every bedroom, in readi- 
 ness for any emergenry. Be careful to avoid rash acidulated salines, and use ENO'S " FRUIT SALT " to prevent 
 the bile becoming too thick and (impure) producing a gummy, viscous, clammy stickiness or adhesiveness in the 
 mucous membrane of the intestinal canal, frequently the pivot of diarrhoei and disease. ENO'S "FRUIT SALT " 
 prevents and removes diarrhoea in the early stages. Without such a simple precaution the jeopardy of life is 
 immensely increased. There is no doubt tliat where it has been taken in the earliest stages of a disease it has in many 
 instances prevented what would otherwise have been a severe illness. 
 
 ■pJNO'S " FRUIT SALT."— A Gentleman states :— " In cases of Bilious Headaches, followed by 
 *~* severe attacks of Malaria Fever (INFLUENZA), ENO'S * FRUIT SALT ' has acted like a charm." 
 5JN0'S "FRUIT SALT."— A Lady writes :— " I think you will be glad to hear that I find your 
 *~' 'FRUIT SALT' a most valuable remedy; and I can assure you I recommend it to all my friends, and the 
 result is always satisfactory. Everything— medicine or food— ceased to act properly ; for at least three months before 
 I commenced taking it, the little food I could take generally punished me or returned. My life was one of great 
 suffering, so that I must have succumbed before long. To me and our family it has been a great earthly blessing ; I 
 feel I cannot say too much for it. The least I can do is to do my best to make the ' FRUIT SALT ' known to other 
 sufferers. I am getting better rapidly, and expect to totally recover, after spending hundreds of pounds and travelling 
 about for twelve years." 
 
 n^EADACHE AND DISORDERED STOMACH —"After suffering two and a h=ilf years from 
 *~^ Severe Headache and Disordered Stomach, and after trying almost everythmg without any benefit, I was re- 
 commended to try ENO'S ' FRUIT SALT," and before I had finished one bottle, I found it domg me a great deal of 
 good, and am restored to my usual health ; and others I know that have triea it have not enjoyed such good health 
 for years.— Yours most truly, ROBERT HUMPHREYS, Post Office, Barrasford." 
 
 The Value of ENO'S "FRUIT SALT" cannot be told. Its success in Europe, Asia, 
 
 Africa, America, Australia, and New Zealand proves it. 
 THE SECRET OF SUCCESS. -Sterling Honesty of Purpose —Without it Life is a 
 
 bham. — ' A new invention is brought before the public, and commands success. A score of ABOMINABLE 
 Imitations are immediately introduced by the unscrupulous, who, in copying the original closely enough to deceive 
 the public, and yet not so exactly as to infringe upon legal rights, exercise an ingenuity that, employed in an original 
 channel, could not fail to secure reputation and profit." — ADAMS. 
 
 CAUTION.— .£".raw/«^ each Bottle, and see that the Capsule is marked ENO\S " FRUIT SALT." 
 IVtthout it you have been imposed on by a worthless imitation. 
 
 Prepared only at EITO'S "FRUZT SAI.T" VTORXS, rOirBOM-, S.S. 
 
^'■^ 
 
 ^^ 
 
 BOOT PREPARATIONS 
 
 FOR 
 
 ORDINARY LEATHER, 
 
 PATENT LEATHER, 
 
 GLACE KIOl': 
 
 AND 
 
 BROWN LEATHER 
 
 (Light or Dark). 
 
 Sold Everywhere 
 
 H 
 
 MELTONIAN 
 
 BLACKING 
 
 (As used in tJie Royal 
 
 Household), 
 
 Renders the Boots Soft, 
 
 Durable and Waterproof. 
 
 MELTONIAN CREAM 
 
 ( White or Black), 
 
 Cannot 
 
 be equalled for 
 
 Renovating 
 
 all kinds of Cllace 
 
 Kid Boots and 
 
 Shoes. 
 
 ROYAL LUTETIAN 
 CREAM. 
 
 The l)est for 
 
 Cleaning and 
 
 Polishing Russian 
 
 and Brown 
 
 Leather Boots. 
 
 Tennis Shoes, I've. 
 
 NONPARIEL DE CUICHE 
 PARISIAN POLISH 
 
 (For I amishitig Dress 
 
 Boots and Shoes), 
 
 Is more Elastic and Faster 
 
 to Use than any other. 
 
 7 GARRICK STREET, LONDON, W.C., 
 
 And 26 Rue Berg^re. Paris.