r-A y/^ A JOHNA.SEAVERNS POEMS EPIGRAMS AND SONNETS POEMS EPIGRAMS AND SONNETS BY R. E. EGERTON-WARBURTON ALDl LONDON BASIL MONTAGU PICKERING 196 PICCADILLY 1877 CONTENTS. POEMS:— A Simple Sermon for Country Cottagers A Looking-Glafs for Landlords . Ballad Song of Odin Chant du Marin Tranflation . On the Bovvmeeting and Fancy Fair The Paper Knife On an artificial Rofe . On prefenting a Mirror The Death of Geoffrey Rudel . Lorelei Chimonanthus Fragrans The fcattered Rofe Song . Modern Chivalry An Eton Elegy . The Parrot. The Boar and the Singing Bird The Squire of Dames ; or, a Tour in Spain The Spanifh Barber .... Epigrams : — On feeing on the fame Book-flielf Johnfon Lives of the Poets and Johnfon's Lives of Highwaymen Page 3 14 35 37 39 40 41 43 45 47 48 52 57 58 59 60 61 63 65 67 71 77 vi CONTENTS. Epigrams : — Page Carving and Gilding .... 77 A Retort uncourteous .... 78 A new Denomination .... 78 On a new Church .... 79 On the AdmifTion of Jews into Parliament 79 On feeing fome Names cut on a Pane of Glaf s 80 Every Man his Hobby 80 Appropriate Names .... 81 A Turn in the Highlands . 81 Notes and Queries .... 82 Striking Beauty 8a A Bottle of the Old . 82 A Scene in the Highlands . 83 Jones enlightened .... 83 So much for Sentiment 84 Sink or swim ..... 84 A Lawyer's Bill 85 Procraftination 85 A Promife to Pay .... 86 Caution and Economy 86 Truth 86 A Voyage 87 A Minor Canon 87 A Reafon 87 An Expedient 88 Equal Juftice 88 The little I drink .... 88 Paddy's Remonftrance . . . . 89 Complaifance 89 Two of a Trade 89 Mr. Bright on the Law of Entail. — 1864 90 Hidden Talent 90 Spirit Tapping 91 His Lordfhip's Invitation 9> Length and Depth .... 91 Little Love 9» CONTENTS. VH Epigrams : — On the Figure of a Negro fupporting a Dial On vifiting the great Dublin Brewery . Crofs-queftioning The Cenfus and the fair Diffenter Railway Dialogue A Myftery . A Dialogue Argument of a Diflenter The Churchman's Three WiHies. Point-Lace . . ' . Paft and Prefent . . . , From the Italian : — While his beard has grown gray, black as ever remain ....•• To a Statue of Cupid bearing a Bow and Quiver On an ill-natured Parafite My Neighbour . On an ill-natured Beauty From the French : — No Quarter . The Gafcon Verfailles . The Gamefter . The waterlefs Bridge . The Rebuke Cure for Toothache . On the Pifture of the Duch The Barber abroad The Ley of the Landlord The Maid of the Inn . Paft and Prefent Riddle Charade Charade A Dilemma Sonnet by a Saxon Page 92 93 93 93 94 95 95 96 96 97 97 98 98 99 100 lOI lOI 102 102 103 103 104 lefs of Devon (hire i 104 105 106 106 107 108 108 109 109 110 VIU CONTENTS, From the Anacreontics of Vittorelli :— Page I. To Irene ..... 113 II. Behold ! the filver moon how bright ! 114. Ill Shouldft thou, amid the thorny spray 114 IV. Ah ! cruel maid, come thou not nigh 115 V. I knew, when dawn of opening day 116 VI. Hear thou the dream, O faithlefs maid ! 117 VII. O happy Plane, thou profperous tree ! 118 VIII. I saw her, ! tranfcendent sight 118 IX. Lo 1 this fane is Cupid's own 119 Sonnets : — • "IlSonnetto" .... 123 I. On vifiting Petrarch's House 124 II. A Recolle6lion .... 125 III. The Chapel Bell 126 IV. On an old Barn .... 127 V. On croffing the SImplon 128 VI. Naples at Sunfet 129 VII. On a defecrated Chapel near Laufanne 130 VIII. On the Clock in Strafburg Cathedral 131 IX. On a Drawing of the Crucifixion 132 X. On vifiting the Caftle and Church o Gruyere in Switzerland . 133 XI. On the River Tepl 134 XII. On the Marien Capelle 135 XIII. The Lily 136 XIV. IlGelofo 137 XV. The Two Rofes 138 XVI. Addrefled to a Lady . . . . 139 XVII. Home 140 XVIII. The Chriftian Martyr in the Colifeum 141 XIX. The Penitent 142 XX. On a Pidure of a Spanifh Lady in the Gallery at Madrid . . . . 143 XXI. On the Lofs of the " Avenger " . 144 XIXI. On a Lark which had escaped from his Notes Cage >45 149 POEMS. r \ A SIMPLE SERMON FOR COUNTRY COTTAGERS. A WORKMAN worth your weight in gold, Good Samuel, think not over bold Your Mafter, if his friendly pen For you and for your fellow men, For all who by their labour live, A word of honeft counfel give. No harm I truft in my intent, And fince the Vicar gives confent, A homely Sermon I propofe To preach in verfe, inftead of profe. This read, till nodding both your heads. To Nan, while (he her needle threads ; No do6trine to perplex your brain, The practice that I preach is plain — Plain as the needlework fhe fews. It needs no fpedlacles on nofe ; And if 'tis more, by toil oppreft, Than you at once can well digeft, 4 A SIMPLE SERMON My fermon into portions fplit, And read it over, bit by bit. The text that I fhall take is this, Writ in the Book of Genefis ; See chapter three, and verfe nineteen, Words fpeaking clearly what they mean : *^ By fweat thy bread thou here fhalt earn, Till thou again to duft return." Think not that I intend to rant, Nor call what I begin with "cant ;" I'd rather tear it, fhred by fhred. Than leave what I would fay unfaid. Thank, on your knees, the God of Heaven Each morn for reft to labour given j And thank Him, ere you feek your bed, For ftrength beftow'd to earn your bread. Handle, when labouring in the field, With fkill each weapon that you wield, Or axe, or bill-hook, fpade, or rake, To fell, to delve, to tine and ftake The hedge, or fummer hay to make. With whomfoever you engage. Give honeft work for honeft wage ; If e'er in idlenefs detected, Or chidden for fome tafk negledled, Though nettled confcience feel the fmart, Curfe not the Mafter in your heart ; FOR COUNTRY COTTAGERS. Nor vent your wrath in oath outright Of loud abufe, when out of fight : The inward curfe, the outward oath, A God there is who heareth both. When threatening clouds a fhower denote, Ere yet it falls, put on your coat, 'Tis better for yourfelf and Mafter, Than, later on, the **Poor Man's Plaifter." How many a pamper'd fon of wealth Would envy then your vigorous health, And envy too, as well he might. The vigour of your appetite. When, down the pathway, bullling Nan At noon-day brings the dinner-can. To betters met upon the way Take off your hat and bid " Good day ; " Not that in worth they better be Than you, but it is Heaven's decree That all men fhould, in their gradation, Due honour yield to every ftation. Your years tho' they may reach four fcore. And do6lors ne'er have croff'd your door, Rejed not, till on deathbed laid. The vifit by the parfon paid, Who comes to comfort and to aid : 6 A SIMPLE SERMON Some ill, — your body found and whole, — Some evil habit may control And harm unconfcioudy your foul; As through a dwelling creeps dry rot And fpreads decay, though heeded not. Home ftraightway trudge when work is o'er, Where, latch uplifted, at the door Stands Nancy, with a fmile to greet And welcome back your weary feet ; Then dufts, though not a fpeck appear, -Your wonted feat behind the fpeer ; While ruddy children climb the chair Your loaf and evening meal to fhare. O happy circle, happy fpot ! More happy ftill the owner's lot ! Can he who, born and nurtured there, Has breath'd the breath of Heaven's pure air, From childhood, who has known the worth Of fuch a Paradife on earth. In mine or mill his hands engage. Inveigled by their weekly wage ? A guinea, or it may be more. The fpirit merchant keeps the fcore. Can he his arm in furnace thruft. Till baked himfelf to oven duft ? Who, then, the ruddy glow can trace Beneath the foot that mafks his face I FOR COUNTRT COTTAGERS. Few years, it may be five or ten, He pines and ftruggles, and what then ? A cinder then the labourer flout, From which the gas is all burnt out ; As refufe from the threftiold caft. He in the workhoufe dies at laft ! Works fuch as thefe the labourer's bane, So long as they his life-blood drain ; For every cake of foap with which They wafh the fingers of the rich. The fumes that from the boiler reek Make pallid many a funken cheek. A King once Italy o'errun Named Attila, a warlike Hun; Who is it comes our fields to fpoil, Invading now our fruitful foil ? More peflilent a fcourge is he Than Attila— King Alkali ! He comes not hither fword in hand. His breath fpreads poifon o'er the land ; He opens wide his filthy mouth, And winds difperfe it north and fouth ! King Alkali, though England's curfe, What cares he while he fills his purfe ? Behold the wide-fpread defolation ! Behold the wither'd vegetation ! The once broad oak a gibbet now. With faplefs trunk and blighted bough ; In vain the houfewife drains the teat, 8 A SIMPLE SERMON The tainted milk no longer fweet ; Rank grafs where once fweet herbage grew, With vitriol fed inftead of dew ; Oats fulphur-fhriveird, poifon'd wheat, Nought left to either fell or eat. The truth of this let Widnes tell. Woe be to thofe who near it dwell ! Though many are the ills they {hare, None ever died of funflroke there ; yuite impotent the mid-day beam To harm them, wrapp'd in fmoke and fteam ; They neither need in Widnes ftreet. The light of funfhine nor the heat : Their boaft that they can both furpafs With furnace fire and flaming gas. Ere fliflcd in this loathfome den, Return we to your home again. A word in feafon let me drop, Though needlefs, on your garden crop. Clothe, fhelter'd by the cottage wall, One narrow bed, however fmall. With wholefome herb and fcented flower. Let jeflTamine the porch embower j Let rofes nod againfl the pane, The quarries with their blufh to ftain ; Let fweetbriar fhed its fragrance round. And violets blue bedeck the ground i FOR COUNTRT COTTAGERS, Aflant the pointed hedgerow clip ; The weeds from every border ftrip.; The orchard ftock— excellM by none, The Kefwick and the apple John j If well your foil the damfon fuit, In autumn hung with purple fruit, Each bufhel will repay you well, When they at half-a-guinea fell ; But plant them not too near the edge. Nor let their boughs o'erftiade the hedge j Potatoes, fuch their various kind. Be not to one your choice confined. More precious feed, your toil to blefs, Heartseafe, Content, and Happinefs, Will in that little plot take root, Bear brighter bloom and richer fruit Than that, with lavifh gold-duft fown. By hands which half a county own. The model farm has ftripp'd you bare-, Where all is ftraight and all is fquare, No inch will the improver fpare. Fain would I, could' I gain the chance, Reclaim your loft inheritance ; What eye hath not with pleafure feen The margin of the wayfide green ? The hedge where honeyfuckles trail, The moffy bank, the primrofe pale ? 10 A SIMPLE SERMON Who hath not heard, on that bleft ground, Of childhood's laugh the merry found? Or feen thofe tiny hands pick up The acorn, tumbled from its cup ? Poor things ! what other toys have they, What other playground for their play ! It is the poor man's park, in fpite Of farm encroachment, his by right : Ye lords, who own the neighbouring land, Reftrain the agent's grafping hand ; Grudge not the crumbs, a pittance fmall, That from the rich man's table fall ; And, fpite of tyrant laws, allow That pafture to the tented cow. Here would I in few words explain Your children how to teach and train. Ere yet I end my Sermon, fhow The way they fhould and fhould not go. Teach firft at home that golden rule. Worth all that they will learn at fchool ; Teach, whether it be yea or nay, Teach them when bidden to obey. E'en Nan to this aflent will nod : They fpoil the child who fpare the rod ; Or with it, or without it, ftill Subdued muft be the ftubborn will. FOR COUNTRT COTTAGERS. ii Beware of over-education, If it unfit them for their ftation; The boy, if he both can and will His Bible read— if fteadfaft ftiU He keep the Ten Commandments read, Both in his heart and in his head — The Saviour's prayer — the Church's creeds — His foul no further learning needs. Let kindnefs make a cheerful home. Left he with evil comrades roam ; As from a viper bid him fhrink From every fnare that lures to drink ; That demon, if it once entice. Will lead him on from vice to vice. Oh ! bid him dread it as the brink Of hell — hell-fire is fed with drink. Woe ! if he honeft fpade-work fhun. And learn to load the poacher's gun ; Or, if for gin no {billing left, The dram fbould be fupplied by theft ; 'Twill bare his back in prifon cell To meet the whip he merits well ; Or, if he 'fcape the gallows-tree, Reduce to rags and beggary. Drink is man's curfe — a curfe no lefs To woman is the love of drefs ; God never meant the village maid To flaunt in fatin and brocade. 12 A SIMPLE SERMON I'd rather meet, at early morn, While yet the dew-drop gems the thorn, The milkmaid in her cotton veft And petticoat of lindfey dreft, The milk-pail poifed upon her head, With rofy health her cheek o'erfpread, Than fee, in gold and diamond fheen, Robed, crown'd, and jewellM Sheba's Queen. The bill for finery unpaid Has brought to forrow many a maid ; Some villain feigns her love to claim, Then leaves her friendlefs in her fhame : Betray'd, difhonour'd paft recall, How fpeedy then her downward fall 1 Defpair purfues her wand'ring feet. Starvation, or the midnight ftreet; Who can o'er fuch a fate forbear To fhed a tear, and breathe a prayer ! There's nothing new in what I've faid, 'Tis wholefome ftill as daily bread ; Cling to the cottage and the cow ; The garden till, and fpeed the plough ; With no unwilling ear attend To one who claims to be your friend, Among you who delights to dwell, Who knows you and who loves you well. But poor the love by creature given. To that rich love rain'd down from Heaven ! The love of mighty kings of earth FOR COUNTRT COTTAGERS. 13 Compared to His how little worth, Who fhed upon the Crofs of pain His precious Blood, for finners flain, A God who careth for the poor : Who works for Him his wage is fure ! 14 A LOOKING-GLASS FOR LAND- LORDS. I NOW a hearing from the landlord crave, Who counfel lately to the labourer gave : Indulgent neighbours, cenfure not my fong, You need not follow where you think me wrong. To funnier clime let thofe who need it roam, No fpot fo happy as an Englifti home ; The fummer flowers in radiant beauty clad. The focial mirth that maketh winter glad. The Chriftmas chimes from village bell-tower ringing, Once more glad tidings to the faithful bringing, The group clofe clufterM round the blazing fire, The child, the mother, and the grey grandfire. Dear to our heart the friends we meet elfewhere. More dear, more welcomed when we greet them there. Still ftrive — when full your hofpitable hail- By change of paftime to delight them all ; Thwart not your gueft whate'er his fancy be, If ftroUing pleafe him let his fteps be free ; Some, feet on fender, fpell the paper o'er, A LOOKING-GLASS, ETC, 15 Sky fair or foul, fome cannot reft indoor ; The park, the grounds, the ftable, and the farm, For varying taftes have each their fpecial charm ; What fuits the father may not pleafe the fon ; Talk not to biftiops of the laft vi^eek*s run, Nor drag the bookworm from his favourite ftielf To fome dull pamphlet written by yourfelf ; To fome your houfe, to fome your pidlures fhow, Welcome when coming, fpeed them when they go- The feafon winter, and if fit the ground, To throng the field where gather horfe and hound, Eager for fport and emulous to ride, Some clad in fcarlet feek the cover fide ; Mount the keen fchoolboy, if he love the fun. But rifk no life by lending him a gun. If, while impatient at the entrance gate The anxious keeper for the fhooters wait. Should echoing hoof the coming pack proclaim, Defer the battue nor difturb your game ; The gun muft ever to the horn give way, Difband your beaters till the following day. In fummer morning, with well-chofen fly And pliant rod, fome feek the brook hard by ; Or faintly printing on the green its track. The biaf'd bowl roU'd circling to the jack. Each female whim fhould to the hoft be known. Some like to talk, fome few to bide alone ; i6 A LOOKING-GLASS Well thefe are few, — for who content would fit Or care for converfe wanting woman's wit ? One mounts the coachbox with ambitious ftride, One, lefs afpiring, takes her feat infide ; One, fweetly gifted with the voice of fong, Draws gather'd round her an applauding throng ; Or one there may be, fkill'd to touch the firing Of harp, round whom fpell-bound the lifteners cling. Of all fweet founds the fweeteft to impart Through the charm'd ear thofe tones which touch the heart. But fing, or play, or walk, or ride, or drive, All need of tea the ftimulant at five. Should favouring chance have brought two lovers there, Let jeft nor malice wound the tender pair ; Should the fond youth in fome lone fhade have caught The blifsful hour, long hoped for and long fought. Let none invade the bower where " filver fweet Sound lovers' tongues," and hearts refponfive beat. Such are the pleafures he who owns a hall And loves his neighbour may difpenfe to all ; But, if by evil fate compell'd to found And build anew your dwelling from the ground. FOR LANDLORDS. 17 (Weigh well my precepts ere the work com- mence, In friendfhip ofFer'd, free from vain pretence) Who thinks himfelf he can his houfe ere6t Employs a noodle for his archite6t; Choofe your own fite, adopt what ftyle you will, Then counfel take with one of tafte and fkill. Some fcene of beauty may your eye delight, But with it warmth and cheerfulnefs unite ; By no fair profpe6l far or near be won To turn its afpe^l from the fouthern fun ; Pure air, pure water, in unftinted flow, If wanting thefe at once the fite forego ; Dig deep the fpace betwixt the earth and floor, Then mount by fteps, porch-fhelter'd, to the door ; No archway raife to fpan the rooPd approach, Which though from rain it may protect the coach, Gives gathered force to every wind that blows, — Nor man nor horfe to fuch a blaft expofe. Clog not with cumbrous billiard board the hall To greet new comers with its noify ball ; If here illplaced, upon its furface fet, The hat, rain drench'd, will leave a ftain of jet. Let not the way that leads thereto difgrace The gueften chamber's well-proportion'd fpace, A labyrinth of lobby, void of clue, To guide ftrange feet as loft they wander through. Oft up five fteps our weary knees we bend, That level reached, again by five defcend. c i8 A LOOKING-GLASS Where treafured lore the laden (helves fuftain, Sacred to ftudy, there let ftillnefs reign. The morning meal enlivened by its gleam Of* Eaftern fky may catch the cheerful beam, But evening banquet is by glare oppreft Of flanting fun-ray if it face the weft ; Let fpace and w^idth be in the flair difplay'd, The feeble foot by helping handrail ftay'd. Your gentle progrefs to the fummit led By eafy rifer and expanfive tread ; Into three rooms ne'er one long gallery fplit, No folding door w^ithin its walls admit j Stone, wood, or plafter, you may gild or paint, But gold and colour need a due reftraint ; My verfe encumbering, it would naught avail To note each trifle, dwell on each detail ; From Bacon's page you maxims old may gain, And modern hints from later pens obtain j However cheap, whate'er is bad efchew, Let all be real, all be ftri6lly true ; Shun all excefs, avoid all vain expenfe, True tafte is founded upon common fenfe ; What moft oiFends, what moft the whole will damn, The fm no beauty can redeem is Sham. Elfewhere though architedts efcape a fall, The Lodge nigh proves a ftumbling-block to all ; A hut within, without a Doric fane, Who pafling by his laughter can reftrain ? FOR LANDLORDS. 19 In Greek attire, with fandals on her feet, So draped, its dame would make the farce com- plete ! Oft-times a plaything from the toy-fhop ta'en, With barge-board fringed and topp'd with glit- tering vane, Oft-times a round tower, ftiaped like chimney pot. By loop-hole lit, a caftellated cot ! Such Mrs. Grundy on her mantel fills With cedar matches or with twifted fpills. Approach the gateway at right angle true, Nor flant the road-line through the pofts afkew 5 May your wide park, from every formal tree, From clump, and belt, and circling hedgerow free. With oaks be ftudded, varying each in form, Whofe trunks through ages have defied the ftorm ; If 'tis not yours to fee the herded deer In park high-paled their antler'd heads uprear, Let Highland beeves, while fattening for the mart, A charm of wildnefs to the fcene impart. Of Gardens needlefs the delight to tell, Who prize their charms will cultivate them well. Stretched 'neath the window let the terrace lie, Where ruby tints with emerald verdure vie; 20 A LOOKING GLASS Gems of bright flower in tinted gravel fet. In circles bofT'd, or interlined in fret ; Such foreground needed to enhance the view Of funny meads, and hills in diftance blue ; Favour'd, indeed, if midway intervene Some glafly lake to mirror the fair fcene, Or fome broad river with its filent flow And eddying current fweep the vale below. — As coftly china, on the fhelf array'd, With care is dufted and with care relaid. So let the terrace with nice hand be kept, Each vafe adjufted, every alley fwept ; O'er flowers when faint let moiftening fpray be thrown, Each freckling daify from the green plot mown ; No foreft tree by autumn wind fwept bare Sere leaves to fcatter o'er the trim parterre, — Let tapering cyprefs here extend its (hade, And ftately cedars break the baluflrade ; From yew tree, fafhion'd to fantaftic (hape, Clip the young growth, nor let one fhoot efcape j Where art reigns abfolute with tyrant fway, Nature enflaved muft each caprice obey ; To reft inviting, range the frequent feat, Alcoved or fhelter'd from the funbeam's heat, Where noonday dreams may through the fancy flit. Or whifpering lovers in the moonlight fit ; With ftream unceafing, if both night and day Gufh forth its waters, let the fountain play ; FOR LANDLORDS. 21 But vex us not with jet up-towering high When one fhort hour exhaufts the fcant fupply, Like braggart aiming at pretentious fhow, — The fountain's charm lies in abundant flow. Elfewhere create a wildernefs of fweets, Mix'd beds untrammelFd by fuch quaint con- ceits, No flowers with titles longer than their ftalk, With thefe let pedants interweave their talk, But fuch as once were in the Pleafaunce rear'd, Familiar names by poet's fong endear'd ! Here Violets neftle in the early fpring, Here Clove-carnations forth their fragrance fling, Nigh Love-lies-bleeding Balm and Heartfeafe grow, Here with bent head Narcifl\is white as fnow. Here blufhing rofe by wing of zephyr fann'd Gives forth frefh perfume as its leaves expand ; Here turns the Sunflower, here unrivall'd towers The fragrant Lily, loveliefl: queen of flowers ! Choice herbs, once held by houfewives in efteem, Thefe worthy ftill of careful culture deem, Whence toiling bees may gather fweet fupply, And, honey-laden, ftore the hive hard by ; Let (heltering fhrubs uprear a verdant fcreen. Bleak winter gladdeningwith their fummerfheen ; 22 A LOOKING GLASS Here let the gold or filver holly-leaf Mid deeper foliage fhine in bright relief; Here golden Thuja, gorgeoufly array'd ; Yews, here unclipp'd, the fhaded lawn invade ; The upright Juniper, the feathering fpray Of Savine, — Ilex, Arbutus, and Bay ; Vain ta(k to number, or their names rehearfe, A group too crowded to implant in verfe. Thefe let the lawn within its fence confine, Nor let one truant overftep the line ; '' E'en in an ornament its place remark," — By Pope thus warn'd fpot not the timber'd park With Pine or Cedar ; — garnifh not the wood With Deodara where green Holly flood ; With Rhododendron nor with Laurel fhade The velvet mofs that carpets the green glade. Go, ye who doubt what I would fain inftil, Go, climb the fummit of High Stanner's hill ; * Uplifted Fir-tops thence overlook the vale, 0*er red-ftone fragments Honey fuckles trail ; There the broad way, from every leaf fwept clean. Winds, gently Hoping, through the woodland fcene : * The High Stanner furmoimts the range of hills on which ftands Peckforton Caftle, the refidence of Lord ToUemache, Its quarries fupplied the whole of the ftone of which the caftle was built. FOR LANDLORDS, 23 There April funs the Bilberry leaf unfold, And clothe each glade as tVere with cloth of gold; Each* ftraggling growth, in wild confufion twined, Yet all in beauteous harmony combined ; By meddling fchemer no fmooth vifta planned, No thicket trimm'd by the '* improver's " hand. 'Tis fweet to wander through the meadows green, Through paths made fragrant by the fcented bean ; Sweet to fee corn-fields badged,^ and wheatfheaf bound, And golden hillocks pile the ftubble ground ; But fweeter far to walk the greenwood glade, Where nature fmiles, in witching charms array'd. Free from conftraint, — and they who nature love Still find frefli joy where'er their footfteps rove; There thrills at eve the nightingale his lay, There, mingled wood-notes greet the wakening day, There, flowers in fpring time from their ftielter'd beds Through wither'd fern leaves thruft their tiny heads ; * In the midland counties, to ** badge" is to reap with a (harp-edged blade, which is called a"badging-hook"; the terra fickle is applied only to one with a serrated edge. 24 A LOOKING GLASS There white Anemones in clufters lie, Brilliant as ftars that gem the midnight fky ; The woodland dell wild Hyacinths beftrew, Their azure borrow'd from the fapphire's hue ; Ere yet they fade, like mimic column tall. Up fhoots the bracken and o'ertops them all ; There cherry wild, with milk-white bloffbm gay. There Thorn o'erburden'd with the bloom of May; The Cornel tree which autumn-frofts array In ruby-raiment ere its leaves decay ; The fhining Holly hung with coral beads, Whofe winter ftore the hungry feldfare needs ; All elfewhere frozen, 'neath whofe foliage ftill The woodcock flielters and there fheaths his bill; By woodman's craft ftripp'd naked from its fpray The Hazel crate-rods well his toil repay ; Cleft from the Alders which the brook o'erfhade In clogs dry-fhod the ditcher plies his fpade ; While for naught elfe, not e'en for oven, fit The houfehold fkewer is from the elder ^ fplit, — Here, ere fhe give her yearly litter birth. The vixen burrows in the bank her earth. And watches thence, as yet too young to ftray. Her cubs that gambol in the moonlight ray; * I never heard from what the fuperftltion arofe, but it is confidered by country people moft unlucky to burn the wood of the elder tree. FOR LANDLORDS. 25 If worth his wage, thefe with unceafing care The keeper guards, from poifon and from fnare. A weightier fubje(£l now my pen invites, The landlord's duty, and the tenant's rights ; With fear and trembling I approach the theme, A friend to both, I both alike efteem. — Made one at Gretna who before were twain, Once blackfmith's hammer forged the nuptial chain ; The au6tioneer, to laird and tenant prieft, The Scottifh farm is ftill by hammer leafed ; But thence no friendly intercourfe they fhare. Though link'd by law, a feparated pair ; The higheft bidder, he who wins the race May fnap his fingers in the landlord's face ; Long through the years of his extended leafe. By coft and fkill his well-earn'd gains increafe, But ere it clofe he then, to pile the ftack, Scrapes bare each acre and gives nothing back ; Thenceforth though ftraw be, Pharaoh like, denied, The tale of bricks muft duly be fupplied ; The oyfter fuck'd, he bids the laird farewell. And leaves him nothing but the empty fheli. More worth that rental where, fince days of old. The fame name lingers on its page enroll'd, Where honeft hearts in honefty confide, More firmly knit than if by red tape tied -, To tenant ftriving to improve his land, 26 A LOOKING GLASS The generous owner lends a helping hand, Soothes his ill fortune with well-timed relief, Shares in his joy, and forrows in his grief. To both (and both may on its truth rely), Will qui non dat non accipit apply. This maxim well the thriving tenant knows, He plenty reaps who plentifully fows. They win no profit who begrudge fair coft, — Who labour flackly, theirs is labour loft. All needed building willingly beftow : The rent may fairly with the farmftead grow. Leave not too loofe nor ftrain too tight the fcrew, From that, negledt, from this will hate enfue ; 'Tis like the wheel which on the axle turns. Too flaclc it lags, if overtight it burns. Advice unafk'd ne'er intermeddling give, They know their bufinefs beft who by it live ; Tell not the pra6i:ifed houfewife when to turn Her cheefe, npr teach the dairymaid to churn. Some deem old pafture better feeds the cow, Some for green crops upturn it with the plough ; From fhowyard one a high-bred favourite culls, One fwears an Ayrfhire is the beft of bulls ; Some think — though laugh'd at they perchance are right — That cow milks beft which finds a rufh to bite ; Some choofe that feed which others moft con- demn, While all ends well fuch matters leave to them ; This one excepted— firm, nay ftubborn, here, FOR LANDLORDS. 27 Aflert your right and fternly interfere — Howe'er importunate the tenant's prayer, Strip not with axe the timber'd hedgerow bare ; Where elfe for fhelter from the midday heat, Or driving rain ftorm, can the herd retreat ? Shame be to thofe who taxed our Englifh oak, Short-fighted, they the Mufe's ire provoke. That heart of oak, the theme of Dibdin's pen, The time may come when we fhall need again ; That heart of oak which once from fhore to fhore Our flag triumphant ftill to vidiory bore. An earneft Churchman you at heart may be, Still from all hate, from all intolerance free ; If prefTed to argue, as you may be oft. Smooth angry queftion by an anfwer foft ; Truth, gently urged, will pierce the thickeft fkin. And without wounding reach the heart within ; Point where that text in Holy Writ is found, *' The Church, of truth the pillar and the ground,'* Tell, nurfed by pride, how herefy crept in, Call feparation fchifm, and fchifm a Sin. Nor lefs befriend who need your tender care. Who many a hardfhip uncomplaining bear. From vigorous manhood who to feeble age, From dawn to funfet labour hard for wage ; 28 A LOOKING GLASS Tafk work for farm, or day work for the fquire, The labourer ftill is worthy of his hire ; Pay with fair wage a fair day's work when done, Well if all gains as honeftly were won ; In trouble fuccour him, when wrong'd, redrefs, And make his home a home of happinefs ; No lure of gold, which California yields. Deludes him then to quit his native fields ; Then Demagogue and Unionift ahke In vain harangue him, too content to ''ftrike." If true "more bleft to give than to receive," How eafy here a bleffing to achieve ! A coftly robe, a gift of jewels rare, The eyes may dazzle of the rich and fair ; The fimpleft offerings with more pleafure rife Win thanks more honeft from the poor man's wife j The homelieft prefent fills her heart with glee, A gown, a blanket, or a gift of tea. Fit agent choofe in whom to put your truft, Alike to tenant and to landlord juft ; In all pertaining to his office fkilFd, — Beyond his province 'tis to plant or build. Each relic left of mediaeval fkill Prize and preferve — build newwhate'er you will ; But not alone defend it from the foe, Friends, well intending, may inflicSi: the blow j FOR LANDLORDS, 29 Oft times reftorers, zealous over much, By renovation mar what they retouch : — In fculptured effigy of days gone by, If high-born dame on tomb recumbent lie, Re-chifel not the mutilated fold Of robe or ruff, nor patch vi^ith new the old \ If rent the figure of fome mail-clad knight, Heal not the fears of Puritanic fpite ; New blazon'd coat will anger more provoke Than the cleft fhield which Cromwell's hammer broke ; In thefe recorded, if untouched, we note The love that rearM them and the hate that fmote. He who at heart the poor man's comfort heeds A word of warning on the cottage needs : If built anew, together let the pair Within, without, be plann'd with niceft care ; The doors apart, — difcordant if too near, One inmate's clamour ftuns her neighbour's ear ; Dwarf arch the floor, the chimney ne'er mifplace Betwixt two doorways, in an unfcreen'd fpace; Not yet difcover'd by the builder's craft, Would I could teach how to enfure its draught ! Up from the kitchen let the ftaircafe flee,^ * This arrangement adds much to the comfort of a cottage. "The Houfe-place," efpecially when occupied by an invalid, ought not to be a pafTage-way to the bed- rooms. 30 A LOOKING GLASS So placed, the front is from intrufion free ; Three rooms above let wife and children claim, One only needful for the widow'd dame ; Threfh'd ftraw no more fupplies a covering fit, By torturing engine mangled, crufh'd, and fplit 5 A roof of tile muft now the walls o'erfpread, Whiche'er beft pleafes, brindled, blue, or red, A cottage ftill fhould but a cottage be, Nor ape the femblance of gentility ; Plain, fimple, honeft, — as fhould be the man Who dwells within it, — both in flyle and plan. — Some interlap, plain brickwork to conceal. Sliced planks of fawn attenuated deal ; Such lime and lath fome think the eye will cheat, — A timber building in their own conceit ! Panel and plank, alternate black and white. The painted gew-gaw then perfection quite ! Of all the errors which vile tafle has nurfed Old brick defaced with whitewafh is the worft,^ When time-flain'd wall the fweeping lime-brufh fmears, And each warm tint that clothed it difappears ; ' A melancholy inftance of this may be feen in that once interefting Tpecimen of an old Chefhire houfe, Hol- ford Hall. • One day's whitewafliing fufficed utterly to deftroy the efFeft of the brickwork, which had flood untouched for two centuries and a half. FOR LANDLORDS. 31 Thus motley clown in pantomime beftreaks With chalk or flour his forehead and his cheeks. With ruthlefs hafte ere cautioufly furvey'd, Let not old building in the duft be laid : Patron of Art, — one of that title vain — May flill a Goth be on his own domain : From rival bidders, coft whate'er it may, A Ruyfdael landfcape he will bear away. Then ftraight demolifh with unfparing hand Some living pidure that adorns his land. If grief permit, of fuch a pi6ture's fate, Remember'd well, I will a tale relate : Near a green lane a gabled dwelling ftood, Time's hand had mellow'd brickwork, ftone, and wood ; Its fite fecluded, — thence the name it took, — Who once had feen itne'er^ forgot "The Nook;'* It pafT'd to one who gave it not a thought, Nor cared to vifit what his purfe had bought. Expert in Stucco and in " Fronts " firft rate, Sad day, when thither, to decide its fate, A builder came, — and, by the owner fent, A lawyer too — who knows with what intent ? Save that red tape he to his law bills flicks What claim had he to meddle with red bricks ! Thecurtfeying houfewife greets themwithafmile, The builder eyes contemptuoufly the pile, 32 A LOOKING GLASS Scans the grey ftone-flates which the roof encumber, The beams unbent beneath their weight of lumber, Yet, while pretending to furvey it o'er, He doom'd its downfall ere he crofT'd its door ; Old houfes patch'd will fcarce patch up a bill, New-built they bring much profit to the till. " Sir, take advice — if you have eyes to fee, Your own opinion will with mine agree. Take my advice, rebuild it fpic and fpan, With your permifTion I will fend a plan." The Lawyer thought he underftood the cafe, Confirm'd the verdidt and condemn'd the place. " Not long fhall fuch on this eftate be feen, Like parchment-blot it muft be fcratch'd out clean.'* The widow heard them through the open door. Her eyes were tearful, and her heart was fore ; She look'd at both with an imploring face, " Spare, fpare, good gentles, fpare the dear old place ! I love this dwelling for its own old fake. Still more for his whom Heaven was pleafed to take.'' They, while the drops fall trickling from her eye, Their fhoulders fhrug and bid the dame " Good- bye.*' Workmen ere long with axe and hammer came, FOR LANDLORDS, 33 Such e'en to them appeared a deed of fhame ; No taint of rot was in the timber found, As when firft morticed all was firm and found ; Beams hard as iron turn'd the blunted axe, Blow follows blow ere they their hold relax ; Relentlefs ftill, its work deftru£tion plies, "The Nook *' at laft a crumbled ruin lies. Upfprang the new one, as unlike the old As chalk to cheefe is, or as drofs to gold ; The roof fpan flattened, and the timbers thin, Cheerlefs without, and comfortlefs within; No porch proje61:ing, no wide chimnied hall, No chamfer'd mullion in the nine-inch wall ; Up from the ground it like a mufhroom fhot. Our only hope it may as quickly rot ! Worfe evil ftill when Prodigal impairs His father's home, and blots the name he bears. Now " wafte not want not," hw that adage heed, 'Tis hafte and wafte that to deftru6tion lead. How many a hearth has Pride with ruin ftrown ! How many a Hall has luxury o'erthrown ! By recklefs Squire or vain unthrifty Dame, Sunk in oblivion many an honour'd name ! Broad lands by worth or deed of valour won In line unbroken held from fire to fon, Thofe acres clutch'd by money-making hand, Then factories fmoke, and poifon taints the land. By fpeed of railway to excitement ftirr'd, D 34 A LOOKING GLASS, ETC, Fail all muft travel, — oh that fatal word ! Faft youth, faft age, and frequent at the ball, Faft girls aftound us fafter far than all. Oh youth incautious, take not fuch to wife, A giddy partner through the dance of life ! Choofe rather one more willing, more expert To fway the houfehold than to play the flirt. Clothed with thofe charms which laftingly endure, Through weal or woe which changelefs love enfure. Now Country Hall how rarely neighbours fill, Where'er we gather it is London ftill ! Each in vain ftiow ambitious to excel. Each frog, though burfting, to an ox muft fwell. Landlords who love and would your country ferve, Wrong not your truft, nor from its duties fwerve ; " Live and let live," — (hame, whether fmall or great, If felf-indulgence burden the eftate ; Childlefs yourfelf, ftill he who next fucceeds Claims at your hand whate'er his ftation needs; Squire in the Hall, or Monarch on the Throne, Whate'er man hath he may not call his own. 35 BALLAD. TWe occurrence here related took place near the village of Greflenig, about a league from Stolberg, during the retreat of the French army, under Dumouriez. BACK to the river fo lately pafT'd o*er, Faft as that river flows, France takes flight to the Rhine once more From the might of her Auflrian foes. II. There was a young and lovely bride 'Mid the ranks of thofe that fled ; She follow'd the fteps and fhe fought by the fide Of him fhe had lately wed. III. She had left her home in that fertile foil Where the vine and the olive grow, For fields of blood, and to fhare in the toil That her lover muft undergo. IV. Alas ! that love which had nerved her heart To war and its daring deeds, Could not to her tender frame impart The ftrength a foldier needs. 36 BALLAD, V. Now linger'd that youth with his bride in the rear, For her limbs began to fail, And the hue of her cheek, tho' unchanged by fear, With wearinefs grew pale. VI. He look'd on her features in fond defpair, As he held her to his breaft ; And her drooping head as they tarried there. Sunk in his arms to reft. VII. From that hurried fleep when fhe woke again, Far from her anxious fight The diftant bands of her countrymen Had vanifh'd in their flight. VIII. Then together they left the beaten track, And fought the foreft fhade : She wifh'd from that hoft not a foldier back, While her own ftood by to aid. IX. Hid from the fearch of purfuers there, For days and nights they fped ; The fruits of the foreft their only fare. The leaves their onlv bed. BALLAD. 37 X. Fondly they thought that thofe paths might guide Once more to their native land ; Vain hope ! what fees that ftartled bride ? Why grafps fhe her lover^s hand ? XI. 'Tis the levell'd gun of a foeman near, Half hid by the copfewood fcreen ; — She clung, as a (hield, to that breaft fo dear, And the fatal flafh was feen ! XII. They fell — their heart's blood ftain'd the fpot Where yon lonely cyprefs grows ; Their bodies, pierced by that fingle (hot, In a fingle grave repofe. SONG OF ODIN. I. WHEN Odin his buckler had girded on, Many a mother might weep for her fon 5 Woe to the foeman who ventured nigh That unfheath'd fword or that angry eye ; That club, when uplifted, ne'er fell to the ground But the brains of a vidlim were fcatter'd around. 38 THE SONG OF ODIN. II. When he led his bold band to the battle-plain, Who could e'er number the foes that were flain ? Heap upon heap they were backwards caft, As drifted fnow by the whirlwind's blaft ; In accents of thunder, he cheer'd to the flaughter, And his white lips foam'd like the ocean's water. III. Vainly the fhrieks of the dying implore ; His wrath was unquench'd, tho' he waded in gore; There was but one found that could fink on his breaft. Like a charm on the ocean, and lull it to reft ; Still reek'd his red fword, ftill flafh'd his fierce eye. Till the fhout of his comrades was " Victory ! " IV. Such was fierce Odin, and fuch muft he be Who would banquet with him in the halls of the free ; In the halls of the bleft, where each warrior-gueft Shall fit by the fide of the maid he loves beft ; While fweetly her fong (hall his deeds declare. And her mufic fhall charm with its witching ftrain. She fhall fmooth from his forehead the blood- clotted hair. That a chaplet of triumph his temples may bear As he drinks from the fkuU of a foeman flain. 39 CHANT DU MARIN. Par J. RfiBouL De Nimes. I. LA mer ! a moi la mer et fans fond et fans rive, La mer, vafte pature aux coeurs audacieux; La mer, qui dans fes bras tient la terre captive, Et mele fon abime a Tabime des cieux ; II. La mer, calme et riante, ou I'azur fe reflete ; La mer, comme un enfant jouant dans fon berceau ; La mer, ou je naquis dans un jour de tenipete ; La mer, fein maternel qui fera men tombeau. III. O mer! je ne veux point d'un autre cimetiere: Quand la mouette aura crie fur mon trepas, Quand les plis de tes flots m'auront fait un fuaire, Sur le bord detefte ne me rejette pas ! IV. La terre a mon fommeil ferait dure et penible ; Jaloufe de garder la cendre d'un amant, Ne cede qu'a I'appel de la trompe terrible, Et ne me rends qu'au jour du dernier jugement. 40 TRANSLATION. I. THE fea! unfathom'd in its depth, unbounded in its flow ; The fea ! whereon the brave of heart may wander to and fro j The fea ! within whofe mighty arms the earth a captive lies, Whofe depth is intermingled with the depth of diftant fkies. II. The fea ! how calm and fmiling when with azure hue it gleams ; The fea ! how like a cradled child in playfulnefs it feems j The fea ! which was my birth-place when the tempeft fhook its wave ; The fea ! within whofe bofom I await a failor's grave. III. O fea ! be mine no burial-place beyond thy rolling furge ; — When the feamew, wildly fcreaming, fhall have fung my funeral dirge, TRANSLATION, 41 The billow, as a winding fheet enwrappM me, never more Caft back my limbs to lie and rot upon the hated fhore. IV. It would pain and break my flumber were I laid below the fward ; O'er the a{hes of thy lover keeping fond and jealous ward, Yield not thy charge till fummon*d by the trumpet loud and dread, Reftore them not till doomfday ftiall awake and claim the dead. ON THE BOWMEETING AND FANCY FAIR, Held at Hawarden Castle, August 25, 1835. THE tents are pitched in Hawarden's peaceful vale, And harmlefs fhafts the platted targe aflail ; While now the bow (by archers more intent On making love than making war) is bent, Beneath thofe towers,where erft their fathers drew, 42 ON THE BOWMEETING In deadly conflidt, bows of tougher yew. The canvas ftretch'd beneath th' o'erhanging wall, Now Beauty lures us to her glittering ftall ; While wares new fangled, fhreds of motley hue, Profufely fpread, the chequerM counter ftrew. Beneath the magic of her touch, behold Transformed at once the warlike arms of old 1 The mighty falchion to a pen-knife fhrinks, Mail armour's mefhes form the purfe's links ; The fturdy lance a bodkin now appears, A bunch of tooth-picks once a hundred fpears ! A painted toy behold the keen-edged axe ! See men of iron turn'd to dolls of wax ! The once broad (hield, contra6led now in fpan, Raifed as a fcreen or fluttered as a fan ; The gleaming helm a hollow thimble proves, And weighty gauntlets dwindle into gloves ; The plumes that wing'd the arrow through the (ky, Waft to and fro the fhuttlecock on high ; Two trufty fwords are into fciflbrs crofsM, And dinted breaftplates are in corfets loft ; While dungeon chains, to gentler ufe confign'd, Now filken laces, tighten ftays behind. Approach ! nor weapons more deftru6t;ive fear, Where'er ye turn, than pins and needles here. While hobbling Age along the pathway crawls. By aid of crutch, to fcale the Caftle walls. With eager ftep advance, ye generous youths ! AND FANCY FAIR, 43 Draw the long purfe, and ftrip the loaded booths ! Bear each away fome trophy from the fteep ! Take each a keepfake ere ye quit the keep ! Come ! every ftranger, every gueft draw nigh ! No peril waits you fave from Beauty's eye. THE PAPER KNIFE. BELINDA ! deem not this, my fhining blade, A ufelefs toy, alone for fhow difplay'd, But let this verfe inftru6t thee how to prize A wand wherein fuch various magic lies. Peer'd at aflant, without my kindly aid, The light of learning were but half difplay'd ; The Poet's fong, pour'd forth in numbers fweet, Would wafte its rhythm in the folded ftieet ; The march of intellect would lag behind, And fcience fail to benefit mankind. See 'neath my touch the fever'd leaves expand, Diffufing knowledge o'er th' enlighten'd land ; I fweep the quarto with majeftic ftride, Through duodecimos with eafe I glide ; Hold in derifion pun6tuation's laws, Nor ftop at colons, nor at commas paufe ; While one bent figure queftions, " Why fo faft ? " And one with admiration ftands aghaft ! 44 "THE PAPER KNIFE, To fuit the a6lion to the word my care, Though oft " a paffion into rags I tear ! '' When hofts conflicting defperate warfare wage, I cut and flafh with all a hero's rage ; When heroines pine in fentimental grief, With iiftlefs languor part the yielding leaf; With ruthlefs ftep the lovers' bower invade, And to rude eyes betray the blufhing maid ; The courfe of true love cannot fmoothly run Through volumes three till my confent be won ; By mine the point in epigram is fhown, The edge of fatire fharpen'd by my own ; 'Tis mine to fmooth the ruffled critic's fpleen, When authors quarrel mine to intervene. Or true or falfe I let the fecret out, Give wings to wit, and fcatter jokes about ! Hard drudgery mine, the everlafting fcrub Of village news-room, and of London club ; Think through what columns, each fucceeding day, Both morn and eve, I pioneer the way ; Suriy Star, Globe, Herald, Chronicle, and Poji^ My ivory baton marflials all the hoft ; To vulgar eyes reveals affairs of ftate, Unfolds a tale or opens a debate. Ye quidnuncs, patience ! though the Times be due, Ye needs muft wait till I have fkimm'd it through ; What though its pen the univerfe control, It bides my pleafure ere its thunders roll. Advertifements uncirculated lie, THE PAPER KNIFE. 45 Shows unannounced efcape the public eye, Puffs, like the winds in iEolus' cave, are pent In hidden corners, till I give them vent. All fides alike my pliant labours fit, 'Twixt Whig and Tory I the difference fplit; On every argument lay equal ftrefs, Promoting ftill the freedom of the prefs. Now with the fwain through paftoral meads I ftray, Now through dull epics plod my weary way, Now ghoft-like glide before fome tragic queen, Now, ever varying, (hift the comic fcene ; Nor tear-drop falls, nor fides with laughter fhake. Till I my entrance and my exit make. ON AN ARTIFICIAL ROSE. AS fairy like, thy bounding feet The joyful ground to mufic beat, Fair dancer ! from thy garment fell This mimic rofe I love fo well. II. I fnatch'd it up— I kiff'd — I preft The fallen treafure to my breaft ; Nor all the fweets of Eden's bower Should tempt me to refign this flower. 46 ON AN ARTIFICIAL ROSE, III. Now let old Anacreon fing His darling rofe, the pride of fpring ; To me more dear, — to me more fweet, Than nature's flower, this counterfeit. IV. Say'ft thou that its leaves are dry ? At night ril fill the goblet high ; And as the bowl to thee I drain, I'll fprinkle them with ruby rain. V. Tell me not the garden's rofe With bloom inimitable glows ; Rough winter comes with withering blaft ; Tranfient charm ! behold it paft. VI. Time (hall ne'er thefe leaves invade ; They ne'er ftiall fall — they ne'er ftiall fade ; But, like the love I bear to thee. This rofe Ihall bloom eternally ! 47 ON PRESENTING A MIRROR TO BE PLACED IN THE LaDIES* ClOAK RoOM AT Knutsford, Jan. 14, 1857. FAIR dancers, fince the privilege is mine, A gift to place in that forbidden fhrine, Take, with the gift, the giver's caution too, Gaze on yourfelves as we fliall gaze on you ! While on your neck the circling jewels lie, Dimm'd by the fmile that fparkles in your eye, While the frefh bouquet in your fingers held Sees its own rofes by your lips excell'd, Ere with rafh ftep ye mingle in the dance. Fix on that mirror your obfervant glance ; May future ages fee, refleded there, Forms half fo graceful, features half fo fair ! Let the preft glove cling clofely to the hand, Snap the gold clafp, the ivory fan expand. Smooth the full fkirt, adjuft the pliant flioe. Each point, each fold, faflidioully review. So (hall no rent the BrufTels lace impair. Though jealous pangs the inward bofom tear; So fhall the gown, through galop and quadrille. Though hearts be crufh'd, remain unruffled ftill. Go ! partners wait impatient for the ball. Go ! fmiling go 1 and blifs attend you all. \ 48 THE DEATH OF GEOFFREY RUDEL THE Troubadour, versified from La Gaule Poetique. ** Petrarch, en parlant de cet infortune troubadour, dit qu'il alia chercher la mort a force de rames et de voiles." HER wandering pilgrims, from the Syrian fhore, Provence has welcomed to their home once more ; And gathering crowds, with eager voice, demand What tidings bring they from the Holy Land ? They tell of battles by the Chriftian won. And deeds of daring by Crufaders done ; They tell of perils and of toils paft through. Till tears of pity every eye bedew j But worthier ftill of praife and wonder deem One gentle name, their ftill unceafing theme. In Tripoli dwells, endow'd with beauty rare, A virgin princefs, Melinfende the fair ; They tell how never on this earth as yet Such various gifts in one fair mortal met ; How gentlenefs and dignity combine. How wit and wifdom in her converfe fhine ; Romance ne'er pi6l:ured to the dreamer's fight A form fo graceful or an eye fo bright ! THE DEATH OF RUDEL. 49 As though enchain'd by fome ftrange magic fpell. Still lingering, liftens to the tale they tell, With beating heart, the Troubadour Rudel. Fly ! ere too late, unhappy Troubadour ; Fly ! ere thofe words to thy defl:ru61:ion lure. Alas ! already that encrimfon'd cheek And throbbing pulfe love's influence befpeak ! That name by day his fong's untiring theme, That form by night the phantom of his dream. Amid the armed chivalry of France, Rudel no more fhall to the lifts advance, Nor urge the fteed, nor wield the knightly lance ; Bright eyes, the glory of his native clime, Shall win no more the homage of his rhyme. Let other minftrels now their charms recite. He views them only as the ftars of night ; A fancied fun, in regions far away, Overpowers their light and lures him to its ray. O'er fame and glory conquering love prevails, His parting fpeeds, and ftill with favouring gales Wafts on the veflel as it eaftward fails ; Yet oft the deck with reftlefs ftep he paced. The winds outftripp'd by his impatient hafte ; Now filent, would he gaze with longing eye, Intent the haven of his hope to fpy ; Now when the winds were hufh'd, and, in their ftead, By ftroke of oar the laboring galley fped, E 50 THE DEATH OF Beneath the fhrouds reclining, would he ftririg His plaintive lyre, and thus in fadnefs fing : Song. How bright with blifs, love-favouring night, When eyes, which I adore, with light Of feraph-fweetnefs beam ; Sad day, how dark ! when envious morn, From my fond fight that image torn, Difpels the dream ! O blifsful night, when whifper'd near Thofe accents charm my liftening ear. And all my fenfes thrill ! Linger, night, linger yet awhile, And bid that harmony beguile My flumber ftill ! The morning fun difturbs a dream More beauteous than his midday beam — Strains which from Heaven fall ! Strains which by day my ceafelefs lyre, Still baffled in the vain defire, Would fain recall I To catch the echo of the words he fung, On their poifed oars the liftening failors hung; The veflel's track, in gliftening fcales array 'd. The dolphins follow 'd as the minftrel play'd. Alas ! already flufh'd with fever's dye, The funken cheek and the enfeebled figh GEOFFRET RUDEL. 51 Tell how that flame, devouring night and day, With pain unceafing, waftes his heart away. Ah ! fond delufion, ihe, unfeen, unknown, That voice infpiring may not hear its tone. Save in the utterance of life's parting moan. In fight at length the wifhM-for (hore appears, And now the port the ftraining vefTel nears ; Ere from the maft the fluttering fails they lower, The pitying failors bear Rudel to ftiore. Swift fpeeds his page, the wondering Princefs feeks, Kneels at her feet, and thus love's errand fpeaks : " Fair Melinfenda ! from his diflant home Fame of thy beauty lured Rudel to roam. From far my mafter, thofe bright charms to fee. Has crofPd the waves that fever'd him from thee. Alas ! that love which led him o'er the wave, In mockery guided only to his grave ! E'en now, his pallet ftretch'd upon the beach. Thy whifper'd name employs his feeble fpeech. Hafte, gentle Princefs 1 though the charms which gave Th' unconfcious wound have now no power to fave, In pity, hafte ! though Heaven his life deny, Biefs with one look thy vi6lim ere he die !" Urg'd by a fecret fympathy, (he flies. With eager fteps, to where her votary lies ; Though death now 'gan his clofing fight to dim, He faw thofe eyes, and faw them fix'd on him. 52 THE DEATH OF RUDEL. How far the bright reality excelled Whate'er fond fancy had in dreams beheld ! " 'Tis thou ! 'tis thou !" with ftruggling voice he cried, PrefPd on her hand one fervent kifs and died. Faintly his falling lyre was heard to fling One plaintive echo from its broken firing ; The gale that fwept it through the eaftern grove Bore his chafte fpirit to the realms above. LORELEI. Translated from the German. I. WHERE the Rhine purfues its track By the walls of Bacharach, There a bright-eyed forcerefs dwells, Hearts bewitching with her fpells. II. By her magic charms perplext, Braveft men are forely vext, Knight nor peafant refcue find Whom her love-enchantments bind. III. Her the Bifhop bade appear. Judgment from the Church to hear ; LORELEI. 53 But could not her doom decree, Of fo fair a form was fhe ! IV. Movingly to her he faid, " Lorelei, mifguided maid ! What hath tempted thee to ply Damned craft of forcery ?" V. " Holy Bifliop ! let me die, Weary of my life am I j In my glance there lurketh death, Whom I look on perifheth ! VI. " Stars of flaming light thefe eyne ! Magic wand this arm of mine ! Bind me to the burning ftake, This my wand of magic break." VII. " Thy fad fentence muft be ftay'd Till thou haft confeflion made ; Why, e'en now thofe flaming eyne Burn into this heart of mine. VIII. " Lorelei ! this powerlefs hand Dare not break thy magic wand, Or, with pity for thy fake. Truly my own heart would break." 54 LORELEI. IX. " Why thofe bitter words to me, Sporting with my mifery ? Bifliop ! more I need thy prayer That God's mercy I may (hare ; X. " Let me die, fmce nought can move My fad heart again to love ; Let thy lips my doom decree : Death no terror has for me ! XI. *' Me my lover has betray'd, Left me a forfaken maid, Wandering on fome foreign fhore, To return again no more. XII. " Eyes by nature foft and bright, Cheeks where blended hues unite. Voice of fweet and forrowing tone, My enchantments — thefe alone ! XIII. " Nor can I their influence fly. Anguifh ftricken, I muit die ; When my features I furvey, Sorrow wafles my heart away. LORELEI. 55 XIV. *' Ere I die thy bleffing give, That with Jefu I may live ; Why muft I on earth abide, Sever'd from my lover's fide ?'* XV. Three knights at his bidding wait : " Bear her to the cloifter ftraight." " Lorelei ! God's mercy ftill Guard thy brain from further ill ! XVI, "Thou, in garb of nun bedight, Robe of black, and veil of white, There to prayer and penance given. Win thy way from earth to Heaven!" XVII, Now the mounted knights, all three, Ride forth to the nunnery ; Sadly on, with tearful eye, In the midft rode Lorelei. XVIII. " Let me now, I pray thee, knight. Stand upon yon rocky height, Once again my fight would fall On my lover's caftle wall ; 56 LORELEI. XIX. '* Once again my longing eyne Look into the depth of Rhine -, Then, within the cloifter gate, I on God will ever wait." XX. Where that rock from out the deep Like a wall rofe ftraight and fteep, Climbing up from ftone to ftone. On the top (he flood alone. XXI. Said the maid, " A bark I fpy, On the Rhine-ftream floating by ; He whom I, returning, fee Muft, I trow, my lover be ! XXII. " Now my heart is light and free, My loft lover, it is he !" From the mountain's rocky bank Plunging — in the Rhine fhe fank I 57 CHIMONANTHUS FRAGRANS. THESE bloiroms of empurpled hue, They drink not of the vernal dew ; They bloom not in the fummer fheen. When flowers are gay, and leaves are green ; When Autumn gilds the bright parterre. They mix not with the fragrance there ; But when, the fky with clouds o'ercaft, Rough winter chills the fweeping blaft, Then, peering forth, each purple gem' Shines bright upon the leaflefs ftem. True friendfhip thus its prefence hides ; When all is bright aloof it bides ; Shuns to intrude amid the throng When mirth and joy the hours prolong ; But comes when flattering crowds depart, And ftieds a balm into the heart ; Then only, in aflii6lion, known Its worth, when all the reft are flown 1 58 THE SCATTERED ROSE. AROSE from the flowers in her garden fhe offer'd, But aggrieved was that rofeto be fever'd from them, Ere prefT'd to my lips was the gift that fhe proiFer'd The leaves at my touch fell away from the ftem. Thus oft a fond wifli by the chance of a minute Is crufh'd — nor in joy when attained can we truft, Hope leads us on, but alas ! when we win it And grafp it, the treafure oft crumbles to duft. Did the rofe leaves thus fcatter'd a warning be- token And fhedding their fragrance my paflion re- prove r Thegreenftalk,a fymbol of friendfhip, unbroken, Stript of the leaves which embalm'd it with love. The thorn, — for flill left on that flem may a thorn be, To the hand which beflow'd it no wound fhall impart, THE SCATTERED ROSE. 59 Alone by mine own fhall it patiently borne be, Nor touch with one Ibrrow the truth of her heart. I have but one fear — left fuch love be refented, I have but one trial — its warmth to fupprefs, Evermore ftriving, with friendftiip contented, To merit that bleffing by loving her lefs. SONG. SLUMBER on ! while I watch o'er thee, Slumber in unbroken reft ! Fitteft guard to ftand before thee Is the friend who loves thee beft ! Slumber on ! and (hould'ft thou, dreaming Of the ftarry realms above, See an angel fpirit, beaming With a fmile of heaven-born love ; One with golden hair down flowing, One whom fpotlefs robes invett. With a feraph's radiance glowing, Tranquil, pure, and bright, and bleft ; — Such the beauteous form which, waking. Gazing on thy peaceful brow, Such the form, fweet flumber taking. Which I fee before me now. 6o MODERN CHIVALRY. TIME was, with fword and battle-axe, All clad in armour bright. When cleaving fkuUs afunder Was the bufinefs of a knight. II. Now chivalry means furgery, And fpurs are won by him Who can mend a fkull when broken, Or piece a fra6lured limb. III. Our knights of old couch'd lances, Drew long fwords from the (heath. Now knighthood couches eye-balls. And chivalry draws teeth. IV. See ! refcued from confinement. To charm our ravifh'd fight. Fair ladies are deliver'd By the arm of a true knight. MODERN CHIVALRY, 6i V. Behold ! the knight chirurgeon To deeds of blood advance, A bandage for a banner ! And a lancet for a lance ! VI. To heroes of the hofpital The " bloody hand" is due, But ye heralds bend the fingers, Or the fee may tumble through. AN ETON ELEGY. YE diftant fpires, ye antique towers, What means that voice of moaning " That voice," the Tutors cry, "is ours. O'er food and fuel groaning. " With Greek and Latin we can ftore And cram the empty head, The ftomach ftill with fomething more Subftantial muft be fed. " Once ' Kings and Montem ' to obtain Our Eton bucks contended. Our Fatted Calves, fent home by train, Are highly now commended. 62 AN ETON ELECT. " O, blifsful days, when crown'd with bays, The Mufae Etonenfes, Infpired by Keate, of butcher's meat Could laugh at the expenfes. *' For fuel though we fpare at need A Virgil or a Horace, On books like worms we cannot feed, But elfe, what is there for us ? "Thou, Gladftone, whofe Homeric foul Was kindled by our Gradus, Full well know'ft thou the price of coal, Why com'ft thou not to aid us ? " Trojan heads and helmets hacking Made blunt the fwords of Greece ; The egg-fhells we are daily cracking Now twopence coft apiece. " *Twould time employ of every boy The colt to calculate Of all we buy at avoirdupois, Or purchafe at Troy weight. " Etona ! flourifh long may fhe ! But ruin will await her, If flarved fhould we and brofier'd be, By our own Alma Mater." December 29, 1873, 63 THE PARROT. Translated from Florian. UNCAG'D one day, A Parrot grey The neighbouring woods allure ; From prifon free, " I now," quoth he, « Will a6t the Connoifleur." He found in wail Of Nightingale Deficiency of fkill ; The plaintive fong Drawn out too long, Too tremulous the thrill. The Linnet's throat Had fcarce a note Worth liftening to ; although, If early taught By him, he thought, She might have fung fo-fo. No bird that fung The woods among True vocalift efteemino; ; 64 THE PARROT, Still fomething wrong In every fong, He filenced them by fcreaming. One day they came, With ceafelefs blame Provok'd to fuch excefs; " Good fir," they fay, " Will you difplay The talent you poflefs ? " Your tafte fo fine, No doubt, divine Your voice ; we pray you, clear it ; For doubtlefs we Much melody Might learn, if we could hear it." Abafh'd, his head Poll fcratch'd, and faid, '* Incomparably good The judges deem My Parrot fcream, But fing I never could." 65 THE BOAR AND THE SINGING- BIRD. From Florian. A MILLIONAIRE of much pretence, Of great conceit, and little fenfe — For ignorance, as oft we fee, Walks hand in hand with vanity — hfavant in his own efteem, In every art a judge fupreme, Of genius gold he thought the teft, And wealth with tafte and talent bleft. AfTembled round his table fit Men fam'd for fcience and for wit. No artift could his fketch complete Till he had laid it at his feet ; No fculptor could a Venus caft Till compafs he had o'er it pafT'd ; The archite6t his plans outfpread ; The author there his poem read. Their voices they in chorus raife His judgment and his tafte to praife ; And while he feafts them, one and all Their patron a Maecenas call. F 66 THE BOAR AND One noon, as, 'neath the foreft fpray, He rambled in the month of May, A Woodman his attendant guide, Whofe head with brains was well fupplied ; Behold ! a boar, who now with toil Of fnout upturned the foreft foil, Now deep in earth was feen to wedge His tufk, to give it keener edge ; Around him, fluttering as he ploughed, The wood-birds carroll'd fweet and loud ; From foreft-tree, from hawthorn-bufh. Came linnet, nightingale, and thrufh ; Where'er he roam'd the tuneful throng Purfued him with unceafing fong. The brute, a connoifleur profound In mufic, liften'd to the found, Now raifed his head, as if to tell The birds he liked their voices well. Now fhook it in difapprobation While he refumed his occupation. "They choofe," faid Dives, "much amifs, An animal fo grofs as this ; Their mufic and themfelves they wrong To make this brute a judge of fong." " Excufe me," faid the Woodman, "they But fhow the ta6t which men difplay ; The foil upturned, his grovelling fnout Brings many a dainty morfel out ; 'Tis that which tunes their hungry throats, And prompts the mufic of their notes ; THE SINGING BIRD, 67 The labour of his tufk they need Frefli worms to find on which they feed, The brute, with much felf-fatisfadtion Deems his own merit the attraction." THE SQUIRE OF DAMES; OR, A TOUR IN SPAIN. Polite Frenchman in the train, addreffing the ladies with a low bow : — '* Nous autres, nos femmes ne veulent jamais nous accom- pagner ; mais voyager comme 9a avec quatre dames, cela doit etre pour monfieur un bonheur fupreme." HOW happy who travels from London to Cadiz, Sole prote6tor and guide of four fight-feeking ladies ! No bachelor, felfifhly taking his fling, But with four pretty birds underneath his own wing. He from morning till night pleafant duty muft do ; He muft count all their boxes, and pay for them too; He muft number his troop too, as well as their bags; He muft check the front rank when the hinder- moft lags ; 68 THE S^IRE OF DAMES; OR, He the wild ones muft watch left they wander aftray, And implore them when walking to walk the fame way. He muft wake them ere dawn from the depth of repofe, And have breakfaft prepared ere the omnibus goes, He muft order a " plat" that each palate will pleafe, Or biftek, or cutlet, potatoes or peafe ; He muft feek the loft glove, the ftrapp'd mantle unroll ; He muft run to recover the loft parafol. Where'er fancy leads, he muft ftiop them about, And produce the fmall change they are always without ; His gauntlet muft down on each counter be thrown. He muft wage wordy war in a language unknown; Each purchafe a matter of life or of death. He muft talk till exhaufted from fheer want of breath. Whether gloves for the fingers, or boots for the feet. He muft fight and fight on till the bargain's com- plete. A retreat from the heat of the eventide fun. The cathedral comes next when the battle is done \ A TOUR IN SPAIN, 6q Single file down the aifle, where throng'd wor- ftiippers kneel, Till we face the High Altar, then right about wheel, While each worfhipper turns from the Virgin her eye, To ftare as the ftrangers in bonnets pafs by. He each fhrine muft unlock with a filver- wrought key — From the touch of fair finger no relic is free — Know each martyr whofe name the fide chapels afi\ime, And what bones are enclofed in each canopied tomb ; He muft fcan the whole plan with an architedt's eye From the marble-paved floor to the vaulting on high; He muft make to their female capacity clear The date of each window, the ftyle of each pier, What was built by the Moor, what rebuilt by the Goth, What has fince been defpoil'd by the Gaul in his wrath. Then away to the gallery, guide-book in hand, He muft tell what to look at, and ftiow where to ftand; 70 THE S^IRE OF DAMES; OR, In the annals of Spain be unerringly verfed, And know Philip the Second from Philip the Firft; Point out with what vigour Velafquez could paint, How fweetly Murillo could pidlure a faint. 'Bove all, he their zeal in due bounds muft re- ftrain ; Behold them dropp'd down from the Seville night train. Which, think you, they ftand moft in need of, that group At the Malaga ftation-houfe, flumber or foup ? Some had flept a fmall fleep, fome had flept not at all, Kept awake by that plague which " the fidgets" they call ; One dry roll apiece for their breakfaft and lunch. With an orange to fuck at, a faufage to munch ; Their hair all difhevell'd, their hats all awry, Four ghofts in appearance : but never fay die ; All keen for the Dilly next morning at four. En route to Grenada for twenty hours more. He muft teach them to fpell **Inglaterra" aright, He their letters muft ftamp when they've finiftied them quite, With the dates of their progrefs muft ne'er be perplext, A TOUR IN SPAIN. 71 That dear fifters may know where to write to them next ; Hunt out the pofte-reftante, and patiently bear Their abufe, his own fault if no letters are there. With thefe and a thoufand fuch pleafures repaid is That man highly favour*d, the Squire of four ladies. THE SPANISH BARBER. WHAT fights abound the world around, let tourifts live and learn ; And Brown and Jones and Robinfon go vifit each in turn : The battle-field at Waterloo, the bull-fight at Madrid, While fome delight their names to write on Cheops' pyramid. Some tour to Tours, fome roam to Rome, fome trip to Tripoli j Still fomething ftrange, where'er they range, for travellers to fee. To me no fight gave fuch delight as I at Seville felt When I ftood before the very door where Figaro had dwelt. 72 THE SPANISH BARBER. A fencing foil the Frenchman with dexterity can twift ; Pre-eminent is England in the fcience of the fift; But with Spain no other nation in the univerfe can cope In expert manipulation of the fhaving-brufh and foap. My beard, when I reach'd Alicant, was like a currycomb, Or, " like a ftubble-land new reap'd, it fhow'd at harveft-home ; " With anxious ftep I wanderM till, fufpended high in air, A brazen bafm told me that the fpot I fought was there. I thruft afide the curtain- veil that fcreens it from the ftreet ; The Barber bows, and beckons to a foftly- cufliion'd feat; Enfolds me in a napkin, white as fnow on moun- tain top, And to and fro the blade reversed glides glibly o'er the ftrop. A bungling Britifh fhaver would have feized me by the nofe, Would have brufh'd my lip with lather where no hair upon it grows , THE SPANISH BARBER. 73 With fhrug and fcrew and facre-bleu at beard fo overgrown, A Frenchman would have held my jaw, and not have held his own. My parch'd and thirfty beard an irrigation over flows, A faponaceous liquid fweetly perfum'd by the rofe ; His blade, as ftill he pafs'd it and repafs'd it o'er my chin, I felt as if a lightning-flafh were playing on the fkin! So (kill'd within due limits ftill its keennefs to confine, He touch'd not there a Tingle hair beyond the fhaving-line. How I wifh'd it, when completed, how I wifti'd it juft begun, A work of art fo delicately, exquiiitely done ! I felt as if my chin were iced when, penetrating through, The balmy air of morning on the fhaven furface blew; He powder'd it, unnapkin'd it, and then he look'd me o'er ; And, confcious of a triumph, faid, Servito, Senor. EPIGRAMS, EPIGRAMS. ON SEEING ON THE SAME BOOK-SHELF Johnforis Lives of the Poets^ and Johnfons Lives of Highwaymen. SEE Britifh bards and Britifh cut-throats made Alike immortal by a Johnfon's aid ! The neck with hemp, the brow with laurel bound, The pen, the piftol, equally renown*d ! Fame's temple reaching by a different track, Dryden on wings or Turpin on a hack ! CARVING AND GILDING. " \/OU fee," faid our hoft, as we enter'd his X doors, " I have furnifli'd my houfe a la Louis Quatorze." " Then I wifh," faid a gueft, ** when you alk us to eat, You would furnifh your board a la Louis Dixhuit; 78 EPIGRAMS. The eye, can it feaft when the ftomach is ftarving? Pray lefs of your gilding, and more of your carving.** A RETORT UNCOURTEOUS. WHERE London's city (kirts the Thames, In ball-room met two rival dames ; Quoth one, " Why all this youthful (ham ? You now are but a has-been^ ma'am.** " *Tis better far,*' was the reply, " To be a has-been fuch as I, Than ftill to hang upon the fhelf, A never-was-er like yourfelf." A NEW DENOMINATION. PHCEBE has lived a life of fchifm, Been every " //^," tried every " ifm ;'' Where rings the peal of pulpit thunder Which fhe in turn has not fat under ? Each change of wind gives frefh occafion For fhifting to a new perfuafion ; While wondering goflips, o'er their tea, Each other afk, *' What will fhe be, When next the Times fhall as a convert quote her ?— A Plymouth Brother or a Yarmouth Bloater^" EPIGRAMS. 79 ON A NEW CHURCH, ERECTED A.D. 1842. A SHALLOW chancel, fcarce fix feet by ten, Which raiPd and painted forms a decent pen; A lofty fpire, which bears its glittering vane Some hundred feet exalted from the plain ; Say, was this would-be Chriftian elevation Built for devotion or for oftentation ? By the tall fpire we gauge the pride of man, The world's devotion by the chancel fpan. ON THE ADMISSION OF JEWS INTO PARLIAMENT. FOR years unbleft, all hope of reft forbidden to his feet, At laft the Wandering Jew has found in Weft- minfter a feat ; Jews' ears, they fay, in olden days were fill'd with molten lead, The gold from out their pockets pick'd, the eyes from out their head ; Now, torturing ftill, with frefh ill-will, we fhow our ceafelefs hate, And pour into the Hebrew's ear the lead of a debate. 8o EPIGRAMS, ON SEEING SOME NAMES CUT ON A PANE OF GLASS. I. TRUE wit, with fableft ink, On cryftal writes in vain ; The trickling letters fink, And fade upon the pane. II. But, ah ! fhould Folly's finger With a diamond ring be bleft, His name and nonfenfe linger, Indelibly imprefs'd. III. On Chloe's heart the fame, To fenfe and merit cold. Whoe'er would grave his name MufI: boaft a pen of gold. EVERY MAN HIS HOBBY. A WEALTHY Cit, intent to buy Each pi6ture rare that pleas'd his eye. Who would not, if a Claude were fold. Forego it for a mine of gold ; On hearing at how dear a rate His friend had purchas'd an eftate, EPIGRAMS. 8 1 Rebuk'd him thus : "What madnefs, fay, Induc'd you fuch a fum to pay ? Of land I know the market price, How could you without my advice ? " " Why/' quoth the other, *' thus abufe me ? Call it my pidure, and excufe me." APPROPRIATE NAMES. JAMES three horfes breeding. Long time one was driven. One o'erfond of feeding, One to rearing given. Would you know their names ? If you care to hear 'em — They were call'd by James * Tempus^ Edax, Rerum. A TURN IN THE HIGHLANDS. *' nnO the Highlands I'm ofF for a fortnight," X fays Jack, " With juft one fhirt a week." " But that one's on your back, When the firft week is over what then will you do ? " ** Why turn it, and then I can wear it for two." G 82 EPIGRAMS, NOTES AND QUERIES. A LADY fat by me at Verey's, Making at me very queer eyes : A twenty and a five pound, note Were in the pocket of my coat : I made no note of her departur, Though many a query I made arter ; For when that lady went from Verey's With her went both notes and queer eyes. STRIKING BEAUTY. TOM, ftruck by her face, took and married a wife, Hoping in conjugal blifs to dwell ; Tom little thought that, in after life. He fhould ever be ftruck by her fift as well ! A BOTTLE OF THE OLD. u 'T^HIS tawny old port has quite loft all its J- fmack ; Pray, what bin is it from?" "From the has been" faid Jack. EPIGRAMS. 83 A SCENE IN THE HIGHLANDS. ONE day in the Highlands while taking a ftroU I faw a ftray fheep down a precipice roll ; A boy was let down by a rope o'er the brink, And the fheep was puU'd up by the horns : you may think What a beautiful pi6ture it was, the whole fcene. "A picture ! — a bas-relief furely you mean ! " JONES ENLIGHTENED. AT Bordeaux, when autumn had ripen'd the vine, And the natives were treading the grapes into wine, Said Jones to a friend whom he chanced there to meet, " Now the reafon I know why they call it La Fitter 84 EPIGRAMS, SO MUCH FOR SENTIMENT. IT is gone, the old oak, which, for centuries paft, With branches wide-fpreading had weather'd the blaft, A tree of primeval type ! Accurs'd be the axe which was laid to its root ! " Sir, it fetch'd," faid the factor, " five (hillings a foot, And the tree was maturely ripe." SINK OR SWIM. THE Ihip was wreck'd, and ftruggling with the Ocean's angry tide, To a broken fpar were clinging wife and hufband, fide by fide ; Said he, ** This awful moment, love, our laft may chance to be, Have you always, deareft, always been a faithful wife to mtV '' Ah ! what," quoth fhe, " our fate may be, we neither of us know. But that fecret, fink or fwim, love, to the grave with me mufl: go." EPIGRAMS. 85 On hearing that two pigs from the Home Parle, Windfor had been prefented, by command of Her Majefty, for the benefit of the Building Fund of the Vi6loria Congrega- tional Chapel. — 1864. OF old, when the church-building coffer was full, Ere the work was begun, they requir'd a Pope's Bull; Nowaday, when fupremacy refts with the Whig, Congregational chapels require a Queen's pig ! A LAWYER'S BILL. WHAT a ftrange bill of cofts do fome lawyers indite ! I this item in mine difcover — " To lying awake in my bed at night, And thinking your bufmefs over." PROCRASTINATION. BENT on building a houfe, while as yet a young man, Vifto reach'd his old age ere he fettled the plan ; When perfection the plan, ftill his tafte fo refined. He could never make choice of a fite to his mind i 86 EPIGRAMS. Death grew impatient, and call'd to his aid The Sexton, who houfed him at once with his fpade. A PROMISE TO PAY. SAID Dick, " The ten pound which you lent t'other day, I hope foon, in fome (hape or other, to pay." " * In fome fhape or other ! ' but pray, my good man, As much in the lliape often pound as you can." CAUTION AND ECONOMY. THE plan reduced from fmall to lefs to make his houfe compadier, The Builder, his own Architect, became his own Contra6tor. TRUTH. TRUTH, they fay, lies in a well : The truth of that I cannot tell ; Where nothing is except cold water, There I never yet have fought her ; And the only truth that I know Is the " Veritas in vino." EPIGRAMS. 87 A VOYAGE. FROM morn till night one only change have we, We fee a (hip, and then we fhip a fea. A MINOR CANON. " '^TEW phrafes daily on our ears are preft," 1 ^ A pert young Canon thus the Dean addreft ; ** Word-ftudying, Sir, I know is your profeflion — *■ Son of a gun!* — what means that ftrange expreffion ?'* '* Son of a gun ! why furely that muft mean A minor Canon," faid the quiet Dean. A REASON. " '' I ^HE cafe is clear as cafe can be, X As plain," quoth Joe, " as A, B, C His friend replies, '*It may be fo, But I am D, E, F, you know." 88 EPIGRAMS. AN EXPEDIENT. " A S my neat little feet will not fill them -/a. enough, Cotton wool in my boots as a padding I ftufF:" " Sir, no fubftitute better than cotton I know, Since you are, as you tell us, deficient in toe.'* EQUAL JUSTICE. BY the Mantuan law, the old chronicle faith, The vendor of poifon was fentenced to death ; Did the law now at Venice like juftice beftow, Our Hoft had been hung when he fold his Bordeaux. M THE LITTLE I DRINK. Y Lord, pray excufe the remonftrance I make To the bumpers which ftill after dinner you take; You appear what you told me juft now to forget. That the little you did drink you drank when you eat." " As you fay, 'twas the little I fpoke of before. The great deal I drink is when dinner is o'er." EPIGRAMS. 89 PADDY'S REMONSTRANCE. *'T)AT! buy a trunk?" "Sure, for what''? X he replied, "Why to carry your cloaths," faid the dealer, "infide." " Bedad ! now a mighty queer notion is that, Would you have me go naked entirely ?" faid Pat. COMPLAISANCE. MRS. B , when fhe fat for her pidture, Intent upon looking her beft, Her mouth to the fmalleft of circles By fcrewing and twifting compreft. Said the painter, *' Why take fo much trouble To make its circumference fmall ? If you wifli it, your face fhall be painted Without any mouth, ma'am, at all." TWO OF A TRADE. 1865. PEDESTRIANS ! buy your pantaloons at fixteen fhillings new ; But ere you meafure miles in them, the Miles muft meafure you. 90 EPIGRAMS. Since two of one trade never yet were able to agree, Of courfe there muft a breach between two breeches-makers be. Thefe two contending tailors, call them Mileses, if you pleafe — But Miles in the plural fhould be written Milites — The curious fa6l which caufes moft their cuf- tomers to wonder, Though fcarce ten yards apart, the two are Miles and Miles afunder. MR. BRIGHT ON THE LAW OF ENTAIL.--1864. TO broad lands though a foe, to broad brims ftill a friend, We fhallall become Bright's profelytes in the end ; Elder fons apprehending the lofs of their acres, John's fpeech has already made all of them fakers. HIDDEN TALENT. " ^ 1 "HE lady you took into dinner A Has abundance of talent." '* No doubt She muft have a great ftore of it in her, Who never lets any come out." EPIGRAMS. 91 SPIRIT-TAPPING. "^ I ^HE appearance of fpirits, it fills me with X dread ; Do you believe in it ?" My landlady faid ; " If you mean difappearance, I credit it quite, For my brandy has all difappeared in the night." HIS LORDSHIP'S INVITATION. "^\7'OUR Client had better a compromife X make," Said the Judge ; " will you afk her, Sir, what flie will take ? " Very deaf the old dame, fo the Counfel drew near, Bawling, " What will you take, afks my lord," in her ear ; " Take ? " replied fhe, " how exceedingly kind ! Say,a glafs of warm ale, if his Lordfhip's inclin'd." LENGTH AND DEPTH. '*\ T /"ERE you ftruck with the length of my V V fermon to-day ? " ** Yes, but not with its depth, Sir, allow me to fay." 92 EPIGRAMS. LITTLE LOVE. LITTLE Love into my bofom darted, He kindled a flame there and then departed : From his fluttering wings as he fled, the air Blew out the flame he had kindled there : Little Love flew to my bofom once more, And kindled a flame as he'd done before ; The fire that he lighted now blaz'd fo high The flame caught his wings as he fpread them to fly; And in fpite of himfelf Little Love muft fl:ay, For his pinions are burnt and won't bear him away. ON THE FIGURE OF A NEGRO SUPPORTING A DIAL. (in front of entrance, arley hall). To thofe critics one word, who the reafon implore. Why I place a black ftatue in front of my door ? I think it a well chofen fpot, I confefs ; A negro of courfe fhould be near a« egrefs. EPIGRAMS. 93 ON VISITING THE GREAT DUBLIN BREWERY. T) REWING the beft way hard money to win Guinnefs makes porter, and porter makes guineas. CROSS-QUESTIONING. HIS wardrobe from Mofes and Son, fpic and fpan, The witnefs flood up, quite an exquifite man : *' A broker, I think. Sir, and worth a Jew's eye ? " " I ham. Sir, I ham," the emphatic reply. " And indeed,'' faid the Counfel, ^' it muft be confeft I ne'er in my life faw a ham better dreft." THE CENSUS AND THE FAIR DISSENTER. " 13 UDE querift ! my feelings your queftion JLV enrages — To afk a young woman like me what her age is ! 94 EPIGRAMS, Twenty-five, Sir, it may be, about that or lefs." " And what the religion, ma'am, which you profefs ? '* '* Sir ! I fhall not on any perfuafion decide Till I know what is his who will make me a bride." An ox carved in ftone, and placed over the door of the public flaughter-houfe at Nuremberg, bears the following infcription : — Omnia habent ortus fuaque incremental fed ecce^ ^uem cernis nunquam bos fuit hie vitulus. STONE ox ! if we were hungry you would fatisfy but little us : You never were a calf; though carv'd, you were not carv'd to vicSlual us. RAILWAY DIALOGUE. IN the train a Lord Chancellor, taking his feat, Thus addrefs'd an old friend whom he hap- pened to meet : " You, Serjeant, are double the man you once were. You are grown quite a porpoife of late, I declare." '^ Much pleafure, my lord, as a porpoife, I feel To find myfelf feated (o near the Great Seal." EPIGRJMS. 95 A MYSTERY. THUS a young wife, alighting from the train, Rebuk'd her hufband in the gentleft ftrain, " When we in darknefs through a tunnel glide. You fhould not kifs me, deareft, though your bride." "Kifs you ! Not I! Ikifled you not." The pair In mute amazement at each other ftare. A DIALOGUE OVERHEARD IN A VILLAGE NEAR PORTSMOUTH, DURING THE WAR WITH FRANCE. SAYS Sue to Jack, " The reafon why we Englifh wins the day, 'Tis becaufe before a battle them 'ere Frenchmen never pray : " Jack he anfwer'd fcornful, as he fpat and turn'd his quid, " Jabbering beggars, no ! who'd underftand 'em if they did ? " 96 EPIGRAMS. ARGUMENT OF A DISSENTER IN FAVOUR OF THE BURIAL BILL. I NEVER to the church will give My foul's fubmiflion while I live ; But why fhould fhe exclude when dead My body from a churchyard-bed ? Becaufe when fhe has feen it laid In fafety by her fexton's fpade She furely cannot feel diftrefs That there is one Diflenter lefs. THE CHURCHMAN'S THREE WISHES. A CHURCHMAN, three things in this Chriftian land I long ere I die to fee : \ A mitred bifhop whofe heart could withftand And fcorn popularity. A minfter with altar and choir deck'd out As in older times they were ; The vaft nave throng'd with a crowd devout Of worfhippers kneeling there. EPIGRAMS. 97 The third and laft thing which I earneftly pray To fee, and then die content, Is a Royal Wedding, for once in a way Not folemnized in Lent. POINT LACE. KATE, when you lace-work undertake Work filently, I pray, Since point there is in what you make. But none in what you fay. FRENCH CLOCKS, 1876. ELECTRIC clocks in Paris now on trial, So prompt are Frenchmen to adopt improvement j We truft the hands may not be on the dial Symbols of revolutionary movement. Working by pendulum, like old French clock Ne'er yet have Frenchmen gone two days alike ; Bleft would they be, could one ele6tric fhock Compel them all in unifon to ftrike. H 98 EPIGRAMS. FROM THE ITALIAN. WHILE his beard has grown gray, black as ever remain The hairs of his head, and the reafon is plain : The jaws have been hard at work all his life through, The brain has had little or nothing to do. TO A STATUE OF CUPID BEARING A BOW AND QUIVER. ARMED Boy ! thine arrow try, Pierce her heart for whom I die. Ah ! no anfwer. Boy unkind, Art thou deaf as well as blind ? ON AN ILL-NATURED PARASITE. WHEN he eats, 'tis to banquet as fomebody's gueft, When he fpeaks, 'tis to utter fome venomous jeft; So he never to open his mouth condefcends Unlefs it be done at the coft of his friends. EPIGRAMS. 99 MY NEIGHBOUR. ** IX /r Y neighbour — an eternal ninny — IVJL Is ever knocking at my door." ** Lend him, when next he calls, a guinea, He'll come, I warrant him, no more." THROUGH life the poor dolt who lies buried below In the alphabet found an invincible foe : Though not by the weight of his graveftone oppreft, The infcription upon it will trouble his reft. A MARTYR to verfe, writing rhymes with- out number. He himfelf lies awake that his readers may flumber. THE Duke lieth here ; and in forrow I bend O'er the tomb of mybeft and moft bountiful friend ; Believe me, the tear which I fhed is fmcere, My penfion, as well as the Duke, lieth here. TO paint fome charms, as poets feign. Twice ten thoufand words are vain. To make Aminta's features known We need but three — rouge, fkin, and bone. 100 EPIGRAMS. T ON AN ILL-NATURED BEAUTY. HE rofe's bloom her cheek adorns, And in her tongue we find the thorns. Nl OT prettier hands the Queen of Beauty I grace, But Nature gave them thee to hide thy face. LICANDER in life has one obje