THE LIBRARY OF THE UNIVERSITY OF RTISAATPNTTF MA ACR W TBesra THE LIBRARY OF THE UNIVERSITY OF NORTH CAROLINA ENDOWED BY THE DIALECTIC AND PHILANTHROPIC SOCIETIES HQ734 oie 1846 F Me mt ia ie | a; UNIVERSITY 0 N.C. AT CHAPEL HILL TTT ~ 10000324070 This BOOK may be kept out TWO WEEKS ONLY, and is subject to a fine of FIVE CENTS a day thereafter. It is DUE on the DAY indicated below: FADING NOOK FEB 29 1996 Hf Havel! vty 1 tty Stef A bey K oy % , mn ~ NI oh aie FAMILY GOVERNMENT. Povo L856. ON CONJUGAL, PARENTAL, AND FILIAL DUTIES. BY JAMES 0. ANDREW, D.D. ONE OF THE BISHOPS OF THE METHODIST EPISCOPAL CHUROH, SOUTH. CHARLESTON: PUBLISHED.BY B.A JENKINS. SORIN & BALL, PHILADELPHIA. 1847. Entered according to act of Congress, in the year 1846, by JamEs O, ANDREW, in the Glerk’s Office of the District Court of the Eastern District of Pennsylvania. STEREOTYPED BY L. JOHNSON & CO. PHILADELPHIA. i PRINTED BY T. K. & P. G. COLLINS. ADVERTISEMENT. Tue following essays were written at brief intervals of leisure, and published in the Southern Christian Advocate. At the earnest and repeated solicitations of the friends of the author, they are now transferred to these pages, and without alteration ; since his offi- cial engagements have precluded the possi- bility of revision. He is gratified to know that they have met with public favour; and his prayer is, that they may, in the present form, be extensively useful. oe @ Fo & eu 2 ~s _ A : ‘ , s # i, ‘ a # a f * a r i 4 7 os ' e ee ti “p ti ps a ie 4 . > SA = ‘ee ; | —_— " e>- Ree? oe aD pis io ahi ssw ata PESMLOT DR a ee a e tk ha ee : 7 » r F f be Se) ee Darhattas + At ; t yea we - a! uy S ao” e ’ "5 20) ae 8 j eal rape Brat Salt pal 1 ie itt ae oe Digitized by the Internet Archive =% in 2021 with funding from . University of chee Carolina at cherie Hill FAMILY GOVERNMENT. DOs news rn ee CHAPTER I. INTRODUCTION.—IMPORTANCE OF THE SUBJECT. Our subject is family government, or fa- mily religion,—a subject of confessedly great importance ; and yet it is probable that the extent of that importance is, to this day, very imperfectly understood, or very inade- quately appreciated. We hear it is import- ant, and to save the pains of examining fully into the matter, we allow it, and go on our ways, never stopping to inquire seriously and prayerfully, how many weighty and eternal interests stand inseparably connected with it. There are also many among us, who, on hearing the announcement of the subject, accord to it all the importance which it claims, but then it is to be regarded as a general matter, and may not be pressed 1* 6 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. into an application to particulars; in short, any thing will be admitted on the proviso that the application is not to be directly home. Now it is our most sober conviction, that this subject deserves a thorough exami- nation, and that it involves more sacred and weighty interests than any other which can engage our thoughts. Upon a proper family government depends the weal or wo ‘of the church and the country. We believe that much of the evil and wide-wasting crime _with which the world is cursed may be traced to the wretched system of govern- ment which obtains in so large a portion of the families of the country; and it is our conviction that a reform, to be efficient and extensive, must begin here. All schemes for improvement and reformation, which do not commence here, must succeed very par- tially, because they have neglected the foun- dation. ‘There may be improved systems of school education, and improved text-books, and learning may be attempted to be made easy in a thousand ways, and there may be improved discipline, and extra-qualified teachers, and plans for the precocious deve- lopment of juvenile intellect, and ways, plans, FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 7 and schemes, many, for rapid education. The most of them do harm, by inducing su- perficiality in students, still more by begetting habits of idleness, because they understand, that «learning is made easy,” and therefore toil and laborious drudgery are to be repu- diated by the youth of genius. But perhaps they indirectly lead to a still more serious injury, by inducing the parent to transfer the whole work of education from the paternal roof to the school-house. The child grows up untutored as the wild ass’s colt, till of age to go to school, then the work of education is to begin, and the untamed and high-mettled lad, who has never known curb or rod, is to be suddenly transformed into all that is clever, by the wonder-working influence of the school- master. Now this whole process is wrong in its beginning, progress, and ending. Home must be the place of commencing this great work, and the father and mother must be the first educators, or the training will always be defective. It is in the domestic circle, around the home-fireside, that those influences are to be exerted, and those instrumentalities put into operation, which are to act with un- dying vigor in all after-life. This is the foun- 8 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. tain which must be sweetened, that the streams may be pure. Entertaining such convictions, we have felt it our duty to cast in our mite towards arousing public attention to this deeply interesting subject ; and if in the re- marks which follow we may be instrumental in awakening any heads of families to proper reflection and action, we shall have attained our object. FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 9 CHAPTER II. THE MATRIMONIAL UNION—CHOICE OF A WIFE OR HUSBAND. __ In order to do justice to this subject, it will be proper to go back to the beginning. We lay it down as an undoubted truth, that it is of the first importance, that husbands and wives understand well the peculiar obliga- tions arising out of the relation they sustain _to each other, and that they carefully, dili- gently, and constantly apply themselves to the discharge of these duties, so that they find happiness mutually in each other’s society. For if it be otherwise, if there be heart- burnings, contentions, and bitterness here, if this golden chain becomes an iron cable, there will be no good government in the house. The contentions of the parents will produce in the minds of the children disgust or contempt, for one or both the parents, and the house will be a scene of discord and con- fusion. -If these views be correct, it is surely 10 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. of great consequence that the character, obli- gations and duties of this interesting relation, be maturely weighed, and that all due cau- tion be observed by individuals who are about forming this hallowed connection. I regard marriage as an institution of peculiar sanctity and importance to society. It did not, as some other institutions, grow up in society to remedy the evils consequent upon man’s apostasy. No; God himself united the first pair, and the first wedding was cele- brated in Eden, while yet every flower bloom- ed in its pristine loveliness, and sin had sent out no blighting influence on the fair face of God’s creation; then, when all was purity and peace around, did God establish this hallowed and blessed union of man and woman. And if Jehovah did especially denote its import- ance in sinless Eden ; the spirit of inspiration hath not less distinctly consecrated it for good to us, in our fallen, ruined estate. It is indeed the source of the most exalted, gene- rous and pure affections of human nature ; and throws its radiant, cheering light over many a pathway, where all would otherwise be dark and chill and cheerless. It is the spring of incalculable good, or irreparable FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 11 mischief, according as the relation is entered ‘into discreetly or otherwise. It is hardly ne- cessary for me to say now, that I am a warm and decided advocate for marriage. We have known many who entertain unworthy views of this important institution; men who af- fected to regard it as a state of bondage, and who spoke of the glorious liberty of a state of single blessedness. But we have watched these men for many years, and we have seen an end of all their perfection; they have ge- nerally been of no use to the world ; and the licentiousness of some of them, and the indo- lence and avarice of others have furnished a sufficient clew to the motives of their con- duct. If our views be correct, if interests so numerous and weighty are involved in this hallowed union, it is important that due and proper caution be used in selecting the man or woman with whom we are to be so inti- mately associated through all life’s scenes of joy or sorrow. Here it seems to us is the proper starting-point, and in this important connection almost every thing depends on starting properly. Many families are perma- nently unhappy, because the husband and wife enter into holy wedlock under the in- P12 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. fluence of wrong principles and feelings on this subject. There are two or three grievous errors, which deserve a brief consideration. In some instances, marriage is regarded simply as a convenient method of acquiring proper- ty. A young man is about to seek one, who shall not only be mistress of his board, but who must be the partner of all his joys and sorrows; one who shall know every secret of his heart, and whose countenance shall be the mirror of his own bliss or discontent ; the mother of his children, and a sort of presiding divinity at the altar of domestic peace.’ What then are the subjects of his inquiry? Does he ask, what are her mental or moral qualifications for the responsible station to which he would call her? Does he examine whether there be congeniality of temper, or disposition, or habits ;—oneness of taste and aim; whether she is pious, in- -dustrious, discreet ? One would expect such inquiries in view of the end. But no such thing. He settles his account in a much more commodious manner. With him the whole matter can be determined upon arithmetical calculation ; for instance, a FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 13 he ascertains the probable weautH of the father. He has occasion to refer to the tax- ‘ books, and, by good luck, learns the amount of taxable property given in; he counts the negro houses or the number of hands in the field; ascertains the amount of stocks, their probable value; finds out the number of chil- dren ; speculates on the probable number of years the old father will be detained out of paradise. And having considered the whole matter, and by the help of a few rules of arithmetic, he is, upon the testimony of figures, head and ears in love,—resolves on courtship,—manages the affair with address ; succeeds in persuading an amiable girl that she is the object of his heart’s undying devo- tions; wins her affections, and crowns a course of deep and successful hypocrisy, by an act of cold-blooded and sordid villany. He leads her to the altar, hears from her lips the sweet tones of confiding love, plighting to him the vows of a guileless spirit. He hears all this, and yet with his eye upon lands and negroes and stocks, he perjures himself before the throne of God. Sometimes this sordid spirit is cherished by parents. They look to the marriage of 7 2 ‘ 14 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. their children only as it adds wealth to the family. Hence a great number of what the world calls prudent matches are formed by the sagacious and far-seeing old folks, with- out much reference to the wishes of the par- ties immediately concerned. Here is a pru- dent old father, who may be supposed to care greatly for the happiness of his children. And he has growing up before him a lovely daughter, with a heart susceptible of the purest affections; this daughter’s heart and hand are sought by one who is amiable, in- telligent, industrious, manly, and honourable. The heart he wins, because the beautiful girl alone has that to bestow, and with the instinct of pure and rational affection, she bestows it onmerit. But gaining the hand is a different affair. Here a prudent, money-loving, mam- mon-worshipping father, has to be consulted, who regarding his children only valuable as they increase the “wealth of the family,” says he has made a much more prudent choice for his beloved child, one who will take good care of her, and provide well for her. To be sure he never consulted congeniality or fitnéss of temper, disposition, and habits, (other than as they are connected with getting FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 15 money,) whether he be refined or coarse, in- telligent or vulgar, pious or profane. The same potent rules of arithmetic settle the _ whole case; and a being, young and beauti- ful, and full of sensibility, is, by the stern mandate of paternal authority, compelled to make vows with the lips at the altar of God, which the heart abhors to ratify. I have not language sufficiently strong to express my detestation of the hoary sinner who can thus deliberately, in cold blood, immolate a love- ly, trembling child upen the altar of mammon. Marriages of this sort must lead to disastrous results. If nothing worse come of it, there _ 1s, at least, the destruction of the peace and happiness, too frequently for time and eter- nity, of one immortal being. But sometimes a state of feeling is induced, which leads to desperate recklessness of conduct; which not unfrequently entails infamy upon more than one. Another error of fatal tendency, on this subject, arises from the extensive prevalence of a light and frivolous literature, made up of love-fictions. Apart from the sickly, vi- tiated taste, which is induced by this species of reading, it imbues the young with wrong 16 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. and pernicious opinions and principles, in reference to the every-day relations and obli- gations of life; and in no respect is it more injurious, than in the influence it exerts in the formation of matrimonial connections. The imagination and the passions having been principally appealed to by this sort of read- ing, and the judgment, the understanding, the conscience entirely overlooked,—wrong views of love and of marriage, as to its nature, obligations, and ends, will necessarily result. Hence, thousands of young persons act on the presumption, that all such affairs are regulated by fate or destiny. Their heads are full of ideal beings, such as have never peopled this globe since the gates of paradise were closed on the first offending pair. Hence their night and day dreams are full of creatures, beautiful as angels, with forms of perfect symmetry, and voices sweet as the songs of Eden’s birds, and hearts incapable of cherishing aught but love and purity. Visions beam before the mind’s eye of manly forms, lofty bearing, the very soul of honour, genius of the first order, in bosoms that never felt the gush of impure passions, the stirrings of anger or ambition. And then, when the FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 17 God of heaven is dethroned, and in his stead a divinity is enshrined, called chance, and fate, and fortune, to whom is committed the management of all the matter, it is not very wonderful that we hear of falling in love at first sight ; and of this, too, as a thing impos- sible to be resisted; and without ever stop- ping to consult reason, or judgment, or prudence, or conscience in the matter, they love to distraction ; and he who would whis- per to them the propriety of pausing to exa- mine awhile whether all is suitable, runs the risk of being charged with possessing a soul of ice. Now this class of people usually marry foolishly, and live unhappily. When those creatures of poetry and perfection come to encounter together the matter-of-fact rela- tions of life, and find in each other not angels, but irritable creatures of flesh and blood, who are sometimes fitful and ill-humoured ; and the path of life becomes rough and thorny, and the yoke chafes, because they neither see eye to eye, nor pull the same way; then, when too late to profit by the discovery, they find they were mistaken. Did you never see a lovely and accomplished young woman, the pride of her friends, and the delight of the Oe 18 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. circle m which she moved,—her eye light with joy, and her step buoyant with hope? She had given her hand and plighted her vows at the altar of God, and her heart was fully in the pledge. To a superficial observer it seemed that her happiness was complete. But why is it that a few short months have withered the rose on her cheek? Why has - her eye lost its fire, her step its lightness? You detect frequent indications of absent thought,—a mind abstracted from surround- ing scenes, and communing with untold sor- rows. Her friends have marked the change with anxious solicitude, and all wonder what can have produced this revolution. The shades of the tomb gather early about her, and an aching and broken heart resigns its hold on earth, to seek an asylum in the bosom of God. Do you ask the cause of all this thorough and speedy ruin? I answer, she was mistaken; she had given her heart and linked her destiny to a being incapable of appreciating the priceless jewel confided to him; her heart had embarked all here, and all was lost. Or, if you please, take another case, which is not by any means a fancy picture. I have FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 19 Seen a young man, reared in respectability, nurtured in the lap of piety. During all his youth, he was industrious, sober, temperate, and entirely amiable. His parents regarded him with honest pride, and his sisters loved to call him brother. He was looked upon, by his youthful associates, with respect and admi- ration; all loved him, all praised him, and his friends supposed that he had crowned his earthly bliss when he led to the altar a lovely. and accomplished bride. But whence is it that he so early gives evidence that a strange change has come over the spirit of his dream ? Why is it that his home has lost its charms? _ Why do his feet wander in the way of forbid- den pleasures?—Why is his eye red, and his countenance bloated? Why does the mid- night hour find him so often the companion of bacchanalian revellers, and why so soon Jaid in a drunkard’s grave? I answer he was mistaken! He had wedded a lovely form, but it enshrined the temper of a demon. He had staked his all of hope and peace and com- fort on this union, and all is. lost, and his soul has perished in the wreck. In conclusion, on this point, we say to our young friends, be sure to marry, but take very special care whom 20 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. you marry. Are you seeking a wife? Look well to her tempers, her tastes, her habits. Let her be discreet, good-tempered, sober in her conversation, prudent in her associations, industrious in her habits, an obedient daugh- ter, an affectionate sister, one who can find ample enjoyment at home, and is not depend- ant for happiness on company or fashion, either as to its wardrobe or public amusements ; one -who is not always seeking after, or delighted with, the flatteries of the other sex; one who is much more anxious to deserve commenda- tion than to receive it. And finally, and above all, let her be unaffectedly and habitually pious. I would not (said one who was not himself pious) marry any woman who was not a Christian. I should feel it such an honour to share a heart in which God dwelt. It was a fine thought, and soos to be specially remembered. You want a friend in whom you can have entire and unlimited confidence: one who can be your counsellor in all circumstances of dif- ficulty or trial; one who is to be identified with you through life, in hope and fear, in joy and sorrow. She is to be a sort of presiding divinity at thy family board, and her counte- FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 21 nance the mirror in which must be reflected the faithful image of thy domestic bliss or wo ; one who will be discreet, affectionate and firm in governing her children ; in short, who will love you for your own sake, be happy with you in a cabin, and who will cleave the closer to you when the storms of adversity or persecu- tion shall have swept away or withered every vestige of earthly comfort from about you. Now bear all these things in mind, and then to your prayers and the exercise of a becoming prudence, and you will not be likely to fail. To my fair friends a word of advice and admonition. First of all, lend no ear to the wooing of him who is an unbeliever or a skeptic on the subject of religion. The Bible is the great charter of woman’s rights. Where this book is not known, she is a slave. Its influence exalts her to her proper station, and the man who, in this land of light and vision, can impudently question the authority of this, the great and only charter of your rights, gives strong indications of what his heart is capable of devising; and if, after this warning, you confide your all to him, you will deserve what follows. Secondly, give not your heart to him who tarries long at the wine ; who loves a 39 , FAMILY GOVERNMENT. social glass of brandy with an old friend ; who ‘is a connoisseur in mint juleps, and the various preparations of the bar-room. If already the intoxicating draughts have bewitched him, what can you hope for in after years. Trust not that his love for you, and your consequent influence over him, will reform him. It is pos- sible one such case out of a thousand may have occurred; but, believe me, ’tis a forlorn hope. If the sparkling glass, the bacchanalian song, and the ribald and vulgar jest of the drunkard have charmed him; the tones of your voice, sweet as they are to him now, will soon lose their power to restrain him. Wed not the man who loves a game at cards or billiards, though he be polished, intelligent, and prepossessing. Close thy heart against him, and stop thy ears against his pleading? Canst thou trust thy happiness in the hands of a gambler? Pause ere thou do it. His heart is false, his lips profane, and his passions his only acknowledged law of action. Listen not to the speech of him who isa drone in society, whois a lounger about taverns, adding nothing to the world’s production, but spunging on the -charity of others for bread. You wanta friend, a protector, one who has a heart to appreciate FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 93 you, and who willlove you for your own sake, sympathize with you in your griefs and plea- sures; who will bear with your weaknesses, and gently correct your errors; and, above all, one who will help you to heaven. In view of all these things, should you not deli- berate well before you bind yourself with cords which you can never loose, and which may be- come more galling than the chains of the galley- slave. When I look on woman, the loveliest of God’s works, but feeble and helpless as she is lovely, I can but regard her with deep soli- citude, and look to her future with painful anxiety, when I see her hastily, and without _ due caution, taking upon her vows which may consign her to disappointment and agony and heart-breaking. Man has strength and power, and these, if used legitimately, might be the strength and protection of the gentler sex ; but if a base and corrupt heart give direction to such attributes, what may a feeble, helpless woman expect under the wing of such protec- tion? Alas! how many broken-hearted wives have gone down to an early grave, burying in the coffin the secret of their wo; and how many breaking hearts in this land are to-day struggling in hopeless despondency with a tide 94. FAMILY GOVERNMENT. of wretchedness, whose source and depth are known only to God! Let the man of your choice be intelligent; a high-minded, honour- able man, who scorns the slightest approach to littleness or meanness. Let him be strictly temperate, industrious and economical in his habits, with heart and hand, and pocket, ready to promote every good work. In short, let him be a man of undissembled and consistent piety, or at any rate one who reverences God’s name, his book, and the institutions of his house. Finally, let me say to you, marry no man upon a slight acquaintance. Take time, —especially #f you are an HEIRESs,—to scruti- nize him closely, before you consent to stand with him at the altar of God, and say,—I will. FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 25 CHAPTER II. CONJUGAL RESPONSIBILITIES. We will suppose that you have followed the advices already suggested; that with Christian prudence, and in the spirit of prayer, you have taken this most important step. You are married; you have formed a union which death alone can dissolve: and it is now a matter of the utmost importance that you deport yourselves in such a manner as to make the union mutually productive of happi- ness. In order to this let each consider well the duties and responsibilities appropriate to his or her station, and from the very com- mencement resolve, in humble dependence upon divine grace, to attempt earnestly and perseveringly the performance of every one of them. As we like always to begin at the beginning, let us suppose that you are just married and gone home to housekeeping. The very first night you spend in your new habitation let there be family worship, in pro- per form and spirit. Very likely the devil 3 26 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. will whisper, that as there are none present but you and your wife, and you both pray in secret, there is no need for family worship ; but do not, I beseech you, suffer yourself to be thus beguiled. Be assured there is a fine moral influence exerted upon both husband and wife, growing out of the fact that they have bowed together morning and evening at the family altar; and if you neglect this im- ‘portant duty at first, it will be, probably, very difficult to. excite you to its performance when increasing family cares shall seem to offer.a plausible pretext for continued neglect. At- tend punctually to family devotion, though only you and your wife kneel together in its performance. Let the family Bible be there at the start, the first book in your hbrary, and permit no volume afterwards to obtrude itself, which cannot, with a hearty good will, afford to keep company with that blessed old book. And when I say a family Bible, I mean a re- spectably-sized one, with good print, such as will not tax the eyes of any aged prophet of God who may chance to sojourn with you. I doubt the cleverness of him, who, with the ability to do better, hands me at prayer-time a little duodecimo Bible, because it costs \ FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 27 something less than a larger one would have done. And now, having begun right, con- tinue ; hold on steadily in your course. Hav- ing taken up family worship, never neglect it. Let neither your weariness at night, nor your haste in the morning, nor the presence of strangers, nor your supposed want of gifts, be pleaded in justification of such neglect. Let your wife, your children, your servants, in all their interests of soul and body, be the subjects of your petitions; and let your prayers and thanksgivings embrace your fields, your barns, and all the interests which pertain to.you as a Christian man. So may you expect God’s blessing to rest richly on you and yours. But remember that prayer is not all that is necessary. You pray for grace, and grace is given; but it must be exhibited in your temper and conversation, for therefore was it bestowed. What does St. Paul say of the duties of husbands? « Husbands, love your wives.”? Now, here is the duty: love your wife as your own flesh: if you hate her, you hate yourself; if you love her, you but love your own flesh. Treat her, not with harsh- ness, not with lordly superiority, not as_a | 28 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. slave, not as an inferior, not as an idol; but as an helper sent thee from God; as the con- fidential friend of thy heart, thy counsellor, thy comforter, an heir with thee of immor- tality and eternal life. Let thine eye be bright when thou lookest on her. Let the law of kindness be on thy lips when thou speakest to her and of her. Let her feel that thou confidest fully in her at all times; in short, let her feel that she is respected as well as loved by her husband. It is not enough that you do not treat her with harsh- ness. A fond wife’s heart may be withered, and its every bud of promise blighted, with- out one angry word. Let her but see and feel that her husband’s confidence and sym- pathy are withheld from her, and the deed is done. And for this the clouded brow and the sealed lip may be entirely sufficient. A woman’s heart may be petrified by coldness, as well as broken by harshness. Your wife is identified with you in interest, therefore consult with her in all matters affecting your mutual welfare.’ It will have a good effect whether the advice be implicitly followed or not; but in most cases husbands would find their interest promoted by following the ad- FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 99 vice of a prudent helpmate. And should misfortune threaten you, and bankruptcy knock at your door, don’t conceal it from her who is, above all others, interested in know- ing it. ‘Tell her at once, freely and frankly, the whole matter, and it shall be better for thee in all respects. I once knew a gentle- man, a merchant, who had been for some time prosperous in business, and his family of course were living in comfort ; but sud- denly clouds gathered around him; he saw that he was ruined; but he concealed it from his wife. She saw, however, the change of countenance, and strove, with affectionate solicitude, to elicit from him the character and cause of his griefs, and at length suc- ceeded. He said, I am ruined, and the only thing that troubles me is, that you are to be reduced to want, and I am, to a great extent, physically unable to labour for your support ; and this has made me perfectly miserable. And what said this excellent woman? «And is that all, my husband, that has been trou- bling you? Don’t let that trouble you for another moment; I am in good health, and can work to support us both ; let the property go, God will provide for us.’’? Now, here was 3* 30 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. a wife worth having. But once more, treat your wife with special aad before your children. I have knownsome Paestent and respect- able men who seemed to me to take special pains to mortify their wives by finding fault with almost all their doings. If at table, even when visitors Were present, nothing on the table was exactly right; the dishes were not well selected, or they were not well dressed ; nothing was as well prepared as he had found it at somebody else’s house; or something was wrong, either in meat or bread, or vege- table, or pudding, or sauce. Now, whether such gentlemen intend to exhibit their own superior skill in cookery, or to lecture their wives for inferior taste and skill in this very important department, we beg leave to sug- gest to them that it is rather offensive both to the visitors and to the lady of the house, espe- cially when it happens, (as I have sometimes known it,) that the children unite in depre- ciating the house-keeping qualifications of the mother. Finally, remember that your wife is a fallen and imperfect creature, subject to many weaknesses in common with yourself, and to some, perhaps, which are peculiar to FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 31 her sex; you will therefore have need to un- derstand well and practise on the maxim bear and forbear. ‘To conclude on this point; you are to love your wife as Christ loved the church. How much was that? He gave himself for it, his life, his blood. So do you love your wife. And now for a little advice to wives. The apostle says, «Wives submit yourselves to your own husbands.”? He takes for granted that you love your husbands, and proceeds to enforce that duty which you might be most inclined to neglect. ‘There are some wives who seem to me to act very unwisely in this matter. They are all the while quarrelling with the apostle for giving them this advice. They maintain that obedience is just as much the business of husbands as it is of wives; and their practice shows the sincerity of their faith, since they are constantly struggling for empire. ‘They must needs bear rule in every thing. There must be neither buying nor selling without their approbation; and it is matter of special importance with them to thwart their husbands in matters where the public eye can discern who rules. This class of wives are generally fond of displaying their 32 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. superiority in intellect, taste, and judgment, over those who are by God’s appointment constituted their governors. Such a wife, especially if she be given to extravagance and fashion, is a sad drawback upon the pocket and the peace of any poor fellow who hap- pens to be her subject. God pity him; he has a sorry time in this world, however he may fare'in the next. Let me beseech the wives whom I address, to give over this fool- ish struggle. Be content to discharge your peculiar duties as Christian wives with mo- desty, industry, meekness, and_ affection. Let your husband see, let him feel, that next to God, he is enthroned in your heart. Let him have the proof of this in your looks, your words, the neatness of your person, and the arrangement of your household matters. When, with industrious toil and care, he provides to your hands the means of comfort, let him see that his wife knows how to use to the best advantage the means placed at her disposal ; and that they are even multiplied under her prudent management. Study his peculiar tastes and temperament, and accom- modate yourself to them as far as may be, without compromitting the sacred dictates of FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 38 conscience. Does he return home from con- tact with corrupt men and adverse fortune, his brow clouded with disquiet, and a look of trouble and ill-humour? Be sure you meet him with a sunny countenance. Let love be in your looks, and in the sweet and gentle tones of your voice. Wait a little, and he will soon be himselfagain. If in some gloomy moment he happens to speak a short or harsh word, don’t notice it, repay it with gentleness, and he’ll soon repent. Don’t look sour, maintain a dull silence, and keep him at a distance, or else you may drive him, before you are aware of it, beyond the power | of your attraction, and then wo be to you both. Would you retain your husband’s love? Don’t presume too much on its strength; don’t be always taking him to task for some inadvertent expression, and telling him that he don’t love you as he used to do; that he did not use to speak so short to you as he does now; or else the. very fact that you manifest any such suspicion may put him under constraint before his wife, whom he may be led to regard as a sort of spy upon his words and actions. This reserve may Jead you to jealousy, and fearful results may 34 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. follow. Doubtless many husbands, once kind, have been ruined by such management. Be certain to deserve your husband’s love, and always act as if you were sure you possessed it; and if your husband be not a very brute, you will surely succeed in obtaining and re- taining it. Should there unfortunately be on the part of your spouse any manifestation of . declining affection, still bear in mind that you may possibly win him back to his. first love, but you can never upbraid nor scold him back. A man can bear the chafings of the world’s contact; men may cheat him and slander him, and he may be sick of it all, and turn away with disgust from all without, but his heart turns confidently to home, sweet home. There is one spot on earth where all is peace ; there is one heart whose every throb is true to him; one being whose gentleness shall soothe his troubles, and shall make her to him as the angel of God. But suppose this angel be a demon, and this paradise a gar- den of briers and thorns. What then? In short keep a pure heart, a bright eye, a kind look, loving words, a clean house, a well- ‘managed pantry and kitchen: be neat and tidy in dress and person; love your Bible FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 30 and your prayers, and you will likely have quite as much influence and power as any one good woman ought to be trusted with. Some wives waste every thing ; they make nothing; they take care of nothing; they buy every thing, and have nothing after all. They dance, dress, and go to parties, read novels, sleep late, and are capricious and ill-tem- pered. Or else they are sluttish in dress, dirty and ungainly in person, and in short, in house and appearance they seem to have made a league with dirt, till the league of conjugal affection is broken, and ruin comes amain.. Finally, let me say to both, seek, by all “proper means, to promote each other’s hap- piness; and especially remember that the great object of your union is to help each other to heaven. Strive for this constantly with much and earnest prayer, and the peace of God shall be with you. 36 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. CHAPTER IV. PARENTAL DUTIES. WE shall now contemplate you as parents See that mother as she presses to her bosom her first-born. She has just become a mo- ther ; how fondly she looks on the little help- less creature that lies in her bosom! What a tide of maternal feeling gushes through all her soul, in view of the new relations and affec- tions which now spring up around her! Fan- cy is busy, and hope is buoyant in the mo- ther’s heart as she fondly weaves the web of the future. Have you seen that father too as he took his first-born into his arms, and gazed upon it with all a father’s yearning? Did you see him as he looked fondly upon the wife of his youth, and then upon the precious pledge of their mutual love? Itis a hallowed moment, full of sacred and thrilling interest ; nor would we interrupt its joyousness, nor cloud the brightness of its anticipations; but we may just recommend to the happy parents to raise a joyful hosannah to God, and devoutly FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 37 and earnestly invoke the divine blessing upon this new-born heir of immortality. Unitedly dedicate your child to Father, Son and Holy Ghost, in solemn prayer ; and as early as cif® cumstances will permit it, repeat the dedica- - tion in the solemn ordinance of the house of God. When your child becomes old enough to take notice, it may be of importance for you to observe carefully the developments of thought and temper, and commence early and gently, but firmly, the work of training. Children can often be controlled in their tem- pers and habits at a very early age by judi- cious management; and the earlier you lay the foundations of education in the mind and. heart of your child, the better both for your- self and him. All children have not the same disposition ; and as the management must to a great extent be regulated by the tempera- ment and predominant characteristics of those to be governed, it is the wisdom of parents to study these early indications with great care, and to conform the system of govern- ment to the peculiar characteristics of each child. Every discreet parent who has to ma- nage half a dozen children, knows that pre- cisely the same kind of management will not 4 38 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. answer for all. There must be occasional variations to suit peculiar circumstances. The timid must not be controlled precisely as the roward and self-willed are. This is a per- fectly plain case ; and yet itis feared that this _ view is not always regarded by parents. “It is So much easier to make absolute general rules, and to force every thing up to obe- dience by the sternest sort of discipline, than it is to make patient explanations, and tem- perate and judicious. discriminations, that many, to avoid trouble, ruin their children. Your child is supposed to be old enough to understand your instructions. It is therefore high time that you had settled your system of government; for recollect there must be system, or there can be no good government. There must be laws definitely settled and steadily adhered to, or your house will be the scene of wretchedness and confusion. Now then let the father and mother prayerfully and care- fully talk over this matter. Settle on your plan of government in view of your child’s present and future existence. Lét there be a mutual understanding and agreement be- tween you, so that there may not be subse- quently any interference in your administra- FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 39 tion. - Your code of laws,must of course at first be short and simple ; and-you must take pains to make the child understand, as far as he is capable of doing so, not only the mean- ing of your laws, but also the reasonableness and propriety of them. ‘To be sure, after you have done all, there will probably be many things, the reason of which the little boy can- not understand, and at this point he must learn that faith in your wisdom and goodness must produce obedience. Your will must be regarded by him as law. ‘This is absolutely necessary for the well-ordering of your house ; but at the same time it is of great consequence _ that your commands be wisely adapted to the circumstances of your children, and it is a great point gained if you can persuade them that all is reasonable, and right, and kind. Therefore take some pains and trouble in ex- plaining matters to them ; and if you succeed in showifig them the propriety of one of your rules, it will go very far towards securing obedience to two or three which they don’t well understand. Some parents are too im- patient, or overbearing, or indolent, to pursue this course ; it is easier to lay down the law, and seek to obtain obedience by arbitrary en- 40 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. forcement. Now, whatever you may think of it at first, at the last you will discover that it was of great importance for you to have secured in the beginning not only the fear, but the affectionate confidence and respect of your children. But, says a parent, I have tried repeatedly to instruct and explain, and yet the child does not understand: what shall I do next? I an- swer, keep ina good humour; let patience have her perfect work, and make a few more trials. It is no wonder, says the poet Mont- gomery, that John Wesley was so great a man: he had an extraordinary mother. And he selects in illustration of this remark the following incident: when one said to her, Mrs. Wesley, how can you tell that dull boy the same thing twenty times over? Because, said she, when [have told him nineteen times he forgets it; but when I have told him the twentieth time he will remember. It was an admirable reply, and indicates with sufficient distinctness one principal cause of the success- ful family government of that excellent lady. Let your earliest instructions have reference to God as the universal Father of men. Teach your child early to feel that God is his father, FAMILY GOVERNMENT. Al and claims from him the gratitude and love of a child; and carefully, diligently, and with all simplicity, impress on his mind the great principles of experimental and practical re- ligion. But be very careful to explain and illustrate these matters in such a style of af- fectionate simplicity as that they shall un- derstand your meaning. Children often do wrong because they don’t understand the right at a very early period. Inculcate upon their minds in the most irapressive manner the importance of speaking the truth. Teach them to loathe and detest a lie in every form and shape, and to value the truth above all _ price; and illustrate in your practice what you teach them. Parents should both speak and act the truth before their children. Let me most earnestly beseech you never to tell your children an untruth. Keep your word to them at any cost; and in order to this let me bring in another rule of great consequence. If you would successfully govern your chil- dren, you must first learn to govern your- selves. There must be no thoughtless, reck- less ebullitions of temper. This will prevent you from making hasty threats or promises which are pretty sure to be forgotten or 42 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. broken. Never threaten your child in a mo- ment of passion ; never make a promise with- out due thought, lest a calmer nfoment,.or more deliberate thought lead you to falsify your word, which would be a misfortune deeply to be depiored. I have sometimes seen a mother who said to her child, if you do thus and so, [ll chastise you. The child violates the command, and what does the mother do? Adhere to the truth? No; but repeating the prohibition, she says with in- creased emphasis,—If you do so again, Pil be sure to whip you. Again the law is broken —for the child is encouraged now to look confidently for the failure of the penalty, and I hear the mother in an angry tone of voice exclaim,—« Why, William, is it possible? How dare you disobey me,—upon my word, if I catch you at that again I'll whip you as sure as you are born ; that I will.’”’ Ina short time the offence was repeated, and I began to wonder how the good mother would manage tlis difficulty ; when behold she would not see the offence! Strange infatuation and foolish dissembling! It requires no prophet to predict the influence of all this upon the child in fu- ture time ; the mother’s authority is despised, FAMILY GOVERNMENT. A3 because confidence is lost in her veracity. Let me then most earnestly and affectionately charge you, as you love yourselves or them, never tell your children an untruth; never deceive them ; and never permit them to ut- ter falsehood to you without applying ade- quate correction. I regard the love of truth as lying at the foundation of all dignity and excellence of character ; and whenever I see the want of it in the young I cannot avoid auguring evil to them in coming time. When I see a lad tell a lie-to escape chastisement, I take it for granted, that without. a thorough and speedy reformation in his ground-works, _ there’ is but little hope for him. Now, my young friends, let me affection- ately entreat you never to tell a lie on any occasion. Rather take fifty whippings than | tell one falsehood. I love to see a little boy frank and ingenuous. Never go into bad company nor get into scrapes; but if you should unfortunately fall into evil, let there be no skulking; let there be no dodging, no _ equivocation; stand square up to the truth like a man, and ask forgiveness, and it shall fare better with you in this world and the next. Some children do wrong; they fear 44 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. detection and tell a falsehood to prevent it. But now they have incurred a double guilt, and conscience makes cowards of them ; they are guilty, and constantly suspicious of dis- covery ; this leads to more lying, and the very effort to prevent detection hastens it; and then how mean and despicable they appear both to themselves and others. But see there ~ that little boy who has been doing wrong; he is called up before his father, who, switch in hand, looking him sternly in the face, says, My son, did you do this thing? The cul- prit’s cheeks grow pale ; the tear starts in his eye, and he says, Yes, father, I did it; I knew ’twas wrong, and I deserve correction ; yet will I never tell an untruth. Iam guilty, yet, father, forgive me. God bless you, my son, you'll make a man some of these days. Does his father whip him? Not he. It is the lack of regarding truth in boyhood which sends out upon the country such swarms of mercantile, trading, office-seeking, and office and bank-robbing rogues and scoundrels. Children early imbibe an aversion to truth, and a propensity to falsehood, which, if not sufficiently checked in childhood, grows stronger with increasing years; so that he FAMILY GOVERNMENT. AD5 who, when a boy, equivocated or lied to escape a flogging or to win at a game of marbles, as he grows up adopts the creed that a profitable lie is better than an unprofitable truth ; and that ’tis only an instance of clever shrewdness to lie when something is to be made by it. Send such an one into the world of trade, and short yard-sticks, deceitful weights, and adulteration of articles come about him, in company with plenty of mis- representation as to quality of goods, cheap- ness of price, and the like. Or perhaps he trades heavily, owes an immense debt, fails in business, cheats, or compels his creditors into a settlement at an enormous discount, builds a palace, rides in a splendid coach, drinks the best wines, keeps the best table, and of consequence has plenty of company ; looks down of course scornfully upon the honest, industrious poor whom he has cheated out of their hag earnings; usually dies a drunkard, and makes his home at last with the father of lies. Or he enters the political arena: he is a candidate for public favour, and seeks elevation with a zeal, which, if properly directed, would secure him a seat in heaven. No difficulties appal him ; the bar- 46 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. riers which a regard to truth and righteous- ness interposes in the way of success, stop him not fora moment; he regards them as mere cobwebs, which might stop a strait- jacket enthusiast, but cannot affect the move- ments of a shrewd and able tactician lke himself—one whom the fates have. ordained to be a great man. His motto is, success by any and by all means; he is thus prepared to be a thorough partisan, ready to follow to the death any political party leader, who is shrewd enough to notice in time the change of the wind. He is a legislator—swears to main- tain inviolate the constitution of the country —takes his seat, and never thinks of the con- stitution afterwards. A label, in staring capitals, might be placed upon his back, « To let, to the highest bidder.’ You never know where to find him till you ascertain where is the best pay. You cannot trust him with public money, because his disregard of truth when a boy has made him a rogue at man- hood. If he can rob a bank or a public office of a hundred thousand dollars, and by the aid of steam put himself beyond the pro- bability of the gallows or the state’s prison, why it is a shrewd trick: or if he can prosti- FAMILY GOVERNMENT. AT tute the influence of official station to the pro- motion of his own selfish ends, to the great detriment of the dignity and interest of government, he does it unhesitatingly; for what signify honour and dignity to one who has been a liar from his youth? Or perhaps such an one is gathered into the’church, and you think at first that he is really about to do well; but ina little while you will be apt to perceive the stirring of the old leaven, and will find that the church has made but a sorry acquisition. It is next to impossible to keep such men straight for any length of time. In short, if a man is wild and dissipated in his habits, it is bad enough; but if he have about him the sternness of truth-loving and truth- telling virtue, there is hope; for there is something on which to build all that is good and noble in human character: but if he has no regard for the truth, there is no depend- ence on him anywhere, or for any thing ; neither God nor man cantrusthim. Let me therefore, once more, and, if possible, with increased earnestness and affection, beseech you, parents, with especial pains-taking and solicitude, to teach your children to love the truth, and to abhor falsehood as they abhor perdition. A8 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. CHAPTER V. DISCIPLINE OF CHILDREN. WE have said in a previous chapter thai the child must understand that your will is to be his law; we now repeat that this is essential to the peace of all concerned. You must watch the development of temper and disposition in the child, and must set your- self firmly and prudently to correct what is wrong and give the right direction to taste and temper and habit. In accomplishing this important object, you will very probably . find yourself placed in circumstances to test your equanimity and patience to the utmost extent. You will find, in the temper of the little creature before you, all the perverseness and obstinacy of a fallen heart; your victory over his infantile will may cost you many a pang of bitter anxiety and many a tear of anguish. Yet you must conquer. Only a few suggestions at this point. The first step in this matter is to conquer yourselves, Chil-. FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 49- dren are exceedingly imitative creatures, and they are also very keen observers, especially of the conduct of their parents ; hence, if you would have your children good, the first step is be good yourselves. Learn to control your own tempers, and words, and actions, and you may enter upon the task of govern- ing your little ones with some prospect of success ; and should you despair of accom- plishing this work because you have a high temper, which it is «impossible for you to con- trol, we say to you in the first place, banish the word impossible from your book, and say with Paul, «I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” I know it is too much for human nature; but remember there is a God of omnipotent grace, whose power is called into requisition by earnest and faith- ful prayer. ° Let your commands be reason- able, and wisely adapted to age and time and circumstances, and never make a requisition just to show your authority. Set before your little subjects with affectionate simplicity the advantage of obedience and its opposite. Don’t be in too great a haste to correct or to threaten, but try the gentler and kinder method of persuasion. If these fail, proceed delibe- 5. 50 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. rately, prayerfully, calmly to the work of cor- rection. Let there be no upbraiding, no scolding, no invidious comparisons between them and other children. This sort of thing usually does no good, but much harm. Let your corrections “be administered in private, not before company. Let the culprit see that while a sense of duty has compelled you to the use of the rod, you have carefully avoided every thing which might unnecessa- rily wound his sensibilities or mortify him. Whenever you undertake to correct him for a fault, never cease till you have subdued the offender to confession, contrition, and the promise of future improvement. It may bea hard struggle; but as you love your child, don’t give it over till you succeed. It may cure him at once and save him many a score of lashes in coming time. In your adminis- tration be decided and uniform ; let children understand from the beginning that they must obey; that your rules are settled; that obe- dience is sure to meet its reward; and that the penalty uniformly succeeds disobedience —and that too without any storm of threaten- ing or scolding; and I beg leave to record just at this point, that, in an experience of FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 51 nearly forty years, I do not recollect a single case with children or servants in which threatening or ill-natured scolding ever pro- duced any good result. - In your administra- tion ever bear this in mind, that it is the certainty and not the severity of punishment which is effective. If you have once pun- ished your child for an offence, never upbraid him with it afterwards. I have known mothers who were in the habit of saying, “whenever their children offended—« that’s just the way you always do; you never do any thing right;” and then follows a re- hearsal of the criminal docket for the last ten years. Now this is very wrong. If the child has committed these many and great and long- continued wrongs, and you have performed your duty, the proper correction has been administered ; in which case it is certainly cruel and unjust to bring up these matters again to mortify and annoy him: and if, as is almost sure to be the case, the allegation is untrue, why then you not only unnecessa- rily wound his sensibilities, but knowing as he does that the thing is untrue, and that the parent knows it to be so, there is danger that 52 ' FAMILY GOVERNMENT. he will lose confidence in your veracity, and may be led to cherish feelings of recklessness which may ruin him and destroy your peace for ever. I have known parents who had a foolish habit of entertaining their visitors with a detailed and minute history of the delin- quencies of their children, and at the close of this long chapter the announcement is delibe- rately made by the foolish parent that they have given up in despair; that it is impossi- ble for them to govern young master or mis- tress; and this fatal announcement is made in their presence.- Is it any wonder that these youthful delinquents resolve to reap the fruits of their victory, and that they make good in time to come such injudicious decla- rations ? Another evil, of opposite character but of kindred tendency, finds its origin in the fondness of certain doating parents, who, being persuaded that their children have no equals in the land as it regards amiability, beauty, and especially genius and _ intelli- gence; and being fully persuaded that there is nothing half so important in national or state or church affairs as the sayings or doings of these same prodigies, entertain you FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 53 by the hour with the astounding develop- ments of mind and taste which paternal or maternal good sense and impartiality have discerned. Every smart saying is duly chronicled and properly reported for the instruction of their next visitors, with the aid of the necessary trimmings. Now a due proportion of blame or praise, properly ad- ministered as to time and place and manner, will be found of great importance in the train- ing of children ; but the extremes of reproach on the one hand, or of flattery on the other, as indicated above, must always exert. an injurious influence on the tempers and con- duct of children. | If you have several children, see to it that there be the utmost impartiality in your con- duct toward them. Let them feel that they are all equally beloved. Let there be no favourite child, or, if there be, keep it strictly within your own bosom. Let nothing in your conduct indicate that you have any such favourite, or else you will be apt to introduce trouble into your house. Your pet may be tempted to presume on your avowed par- tiality, and act offensively, and your foolish partiality may make him the object of the 5x BA FAMILY GOVERNMENT. jealousy, if not ultimately of the hatred, of brothers and sisters, and your house become the scene of fraternal feuds which may im- bitter the evening of your days, and follow your memory to the tomb with a curse rather than a blessing. Remember old Jacob and his amiable and beloved boy: alas, what trouble and anguish did this foolish fondness, and the public expression of it in the coat of many colours, bring both upon the aged patriarch and the pious and noble-hearted Joseph. ? You will teach your children early and constantly to reverence the institutions of religion. ‘Teach them to regard the Bible as the Book of God. You should see to it that they keep holy the Sabbath-day. Teach them to look upon it, not as the other days of the week, but as emphatically belonging to God, and that it demands of them a separation from ordinary amusements, visits, and em- ployments. Lead them to the house of God at a very early age, and enforce attendance on its services mildly, but firmly and uni- formly, as long as they remain under your control ; and do you faithfully endeavour that they be duly impressed with the sanctity of FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 55 the courts of God’s house. I confess my very soul is frequently grieved when I see in the house of God a group of gay, thoughtless, laughing, whispering, tittering young people, many of whom I recognise as the sons and daughters of Christian and Methodist parents ; and I regret to add that this disposition to desecrate the temple of Jehovah exists, to a large extent, among that class of our young people who make large pretensions to scholar- ship and mental training. Upon what shall we charge this delinquency? Is it to be attributed to the parents, the teachers, or are the young sinners themselves alone to be charged with it? Selfishness is one of the essential ingre- dients of a fallen and corrupt heart; it is deeply rooted in the breast of childhood, and its growth is largely in advance of the physi- cal developments of the body; and this growth is greatly promoted by the training of boyhood. ‘The parent caters to it, when, in order to secure obedience, the child is hired, and its love and its confidence are the price of bribes. There are many fathers who are constantly inculcating upon their sons such maxims as « take care of number one ;” 56 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. <«¢every man for himself;”” and both the prac- tice and the teachings of the parents deeply impress the child with the sentiment that man’s chief business here is to gratify and glorify himself. The result of such counsels from a parent’s lips, it requires no prophet to predict. The principles of selfishness take deep root in his nature, and diffuse them- selves throughout his whole character, until it may be said of him that he lives and moves and breathes only in view of the gratification of self. He has, in short, no eye to see, no heart to feel, no pocket to relieve the wants of his race ; in short, he has no heart to love his God or his fellow-men or his country, only so far as they may be made tributary to self. It will be your constant effort to express better sentiments, even such as are in unison with that sublime teaching of the apostle, no man liveth to himself. Let your children learn from both the teachings, the spirit, and ihe conduct of their parents, that God made them for usefulness, and that in this thing alone can they hope to find peace and happi- ness. If you expect your children to succeed well in any of the walks of useful and ho- FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 57 nourable life, you must by all means seek to awaken within them a spirit of independence. Even from early childhood let them learn to wait on themselves. It is a sad misfortune for children to have servants to wait on them; —for a young master to have a servant to clean his shoes, to bring him water, make his fire, bridle and saddle his horse, and do a hundred other little matters for him, which he ought by all means to do for Weiteclt although his father were able to give him a million of dollars. It would be a good rule in bringing up children to let them understand that no- body should do for them what they were able to do for themselves, and this would lead them to the spirit and the habits of self-de- pendence which are so necessary to one who will be called to buffet the winds and waves of this world. Raise your son thus, and when you lead him forth at manhood, and bid him go and seek his fortune, give him your parting prayer and blessing, and bid him remember that he has to depend alone upon God and himself, and you need not be greatly troubled. Be sure that he belongs to the class of men who almost uniformly succeed. 58 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. It is of very great consequence that you teach your children habits of industry. Un-. less this is done, all other instructions will profit them to a very limited extent. Idle- ness is the fruitful parent of very much evil. Train your sons to business. Teach them to. work, and they will bless you for it in coming — time. He who brings up his son in idleness, usually sends out upon society another en- cumbrance and curse. There is a strange antipathy to labour among the young of this generation, which bodes much evil to country and church. The rich among us live in luxury and show, and those who are poorer follow suit. Honest labour is repudiated as unbecoming in young men of gentility and education, and as affording quite too slow a process for acquiring the necessary fund for maintaining proper rank and appearance. Some other more genteel and expeditious method of attaining the coveted distinction must therefore be resorted to, and in this folly the parents generally lead the way. We will suppose here is a thrifty farmer who has, by his own skill and industry in agricultural pursuits, acquired a competency and respec- FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 59 tability ; he has three sons to be educated and provided for. What is he going to make of them? Farmers, of course. As you value your reputation with the family don’t make such a suggestion, or the old people will give you a glance of pity and sur- prise, as much as to say, «¢How oddly you talk; you are at least a century behind the age. Why, man, we are people of property, and able to give our sons such an education as shall fit them to move in the higher circles; make farmers of them, no, no; one shallstudyt —- law, after he passes through college ; another shall read physic, and the third shall be a gentleman at large: make farmers of them! it would be a sin ‘against the republic of mind, to withdraw so large a portion of in- tellectual wealth from its capital.”” «I have worked hard all my life,” says the farmer, ‘cand am resolved that my children shall never have it to do.” Now this is a very strange affair. Here is a man who, under Providence, owes every thing he has in this world, both as to fortune and character, to this same hard work; but for its necessity and influence upon him, he would possibly 60 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. have been, long ago, hanged or lodged in the State’s prison, or been, to-day, a wandering vagabond, instead of being as he is, the ho- nest, virtuous, and respectable head of a prosperous family. And yet, to hear him talk, you would suppose that hard work em- braced in itself half the evils of pandemonium. Well, these sons of promising genius com- mence their career. ‘Their earlier years are passed in idleness. One of the first lessons which they have thoroughly mastered, is to eschew hard work. Some old writer has ‘quaintly said that an idle man’s brain is the devil’s work-shop : twas wisely spoken ; and alas for the country, these shops are numerous, and the workman is rapid, so that plans, plots, and deeds of wickedness are turned off in swift succession to the great annoyance of all good people. Even gray hairs can scarcely be intrusted with leisure. Go to one of our villages, and mark that knot of noisy village politicians who hold their daily sessions, and spend most of their time in idle chat ; who that knows human nature will not feel for them? Old and established as they are, there is danger that they may get into FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 61 mischief. Either their club will become a sort of radiating-point for slander, a court where the absent are every day put to the bar, and tried without the liberty of defence, or rancorous animosities are engendered, which issue in lasting hatred, or even in bloodshed; or else the stimulus of town gossip being insufficient, the bar-room and decanter supply the deficiency. Or, this failmg to meet the demand for excitement, there is a very natural and easy process into the back-room, which introduces them into the mysteries of the card or billiard-table. If the case of the old be so, who will not tremble to see the youth of the country placed in such circumstances of temptation. May we not reasonably anticipate the very worst results to them from this experiment? And does not the actual state of things in the country show that our strongest language is not misapplied in painting these dangers and evils. Go to your cities and villages, and mark the swarms of young men and lads who darken the doors of bar-rooms, and lounge about taverns; who are they? You shall find that they mostly belong to the class of young gentlemen who are quite too senti- 62 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. mental and genteel to perform manual labour, but they are men of skill to mingle strong drink, and more so to swallow it. Who are proficients in the study and practice of pro- fanity ? And who are greeted by the clique as young men of parts and spirit? Who are those who spend much of the day and most of the night in back-rooms, or disturb the repose of village kitchens, or interrupt the quiet and peaceful inhabitants by their noc- turnal yellings and obscene speeches and songs? Who are they that crowd to your race- courses—those schools of gambling and dis- sipation; and promote all sorts of wicked- ness? The greater portion of them will be found to have proceeded from this class. Whence also proceeds the most of that class of young bipeds, who march, stick in hand, | in the rear of a cigar, to the house of God, and show their independence of God and man, by talking, laughing, smoking, and other- wise outraging all the laws of propriety and good-breeding? Alas for us if among these we are to look for the future lawgivers and rulers of the land; or should hostile feet press our shores, if these are to constitute the coun- try’s strong arm of defence. FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 63 I conclude this part of the subject, by en- treating you, parents, to bring up your children to habits of industry, and put them into some honest calling whereby they may obtain an honest living, and be a blessing to you and to the country. 64 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. CHAPTER VI. MORAL TRAINING OF CHILDREN. WE beg leave to recall your attention to an important point, at which we have previously glanced, viz. : the importance of united-coun- sels and united management. We have fre- quently been grieved to witness in very re- spectable families the entire disregard of this rule. The little son has been doing some- thing wrong, for which he richly deserves cor- rection; and the mother resolves to do her duty by administering it ; but the father inter- ‘poses. «+Come here to father,” says he; «¢mother shan’t whip papa’s boy; you aint bad, you are father’s good child.”” See how clearly this foolish father gives his wife the lie, and renders her authority contemptible. But when the future history of that child shall be written, it will probably be one of rebellion and trouble. For God’s sake, parents, for the sake of your children, and yourselves, don’t play the fool after this sort, but govern your children wisely and with united coun- FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 65 sels, ever bearing in mind that divided coun- sels, and divided management, are fraught with curses to your children, which reach far into eternity. We shall notice two opposite extremes in the management of children which are fre- quently found in society. One class are so kind, so indulgent, that they cannot bear to contradict or grieve theirchildren. They never permit them to be crossed for fear of spoiling their tempers; they must have every thing they wish, and all the servants and older people about the house must be subservient to them and minister to their whims. If they -are sick they must be coaxed and lured to take physic; and all this feeding the fire of fretfulness is resorted to in order to keep them from fretting; pity that we have no more sense. But young master grows up with va- rying fortunes till he is old enough to be sent away from home to school. Already he has baffled the skill and rendered abortive the discipline of some half a dozen village or old field schools, having quarrelled with one and another, and another, and his father in every instance taking his part, and teaching his son that he will never permit any teacher to im- o* 66 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. pose upon him, which, rendered into plain English, means that his son is not to be con- trolled by any schoolmaster. At length the father sees his son growing up rapidly to man- hood, ignorant and reckless, and he begins to feel some anxiety lest trouble and disgrace to both himself and child should come of his course of management. Now what shall be done ; the manners and tempers of the young gentleman have become perfectly unendura- ble to father, mother, sister, servants, and neighbourhood. «« Alas,” says the father, «TI cannot govern him; the time is past, he is grown too stout.’’ Yet the lad must be broke in; fortunately at this juncture he hears of some celebrated school; teacher talented, discipline first rate ; «+ just the thing,” says he, <«T’ll send my son there; to be sure, its a good ways from home ; almost all very supe- rior schools are a good ways from home. I can’t govern him; but those distant gentle- men can do it for me.”’ So the thing is set- tled; but now another difficulty has to be encountered. Can young master be persuaded to go? This is a delicate point to manage. The approaches are made gradually and skil- fully, and finally, by dint of a great deal of FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 67 hiring and coaxing, our young hero is made willing to go to the distant place of « breaking in.’ ..He goes, and for a while the novelty of his circumstances, and the force of the new influences which operate upon him, keep him in check ; but ere long the ruling principles begin to work. . He has not heretofore ac- knowledged curbor restraint, and cannot now long and quietly submit to them. He gets into some unlucky scrape; 1s brought up by his teacher, and reproved. The father hears of it, writes to his son a letter of condolence, exhorts him to behave himself well, hopes things will go right after a little, thinking it _very likely that in some things the teachers may have been a little too particular, repeats the assurance that he will never see him im- posed on, and crowns all by enclosing an additional sum of money. ‘Thus cheered, he takes encouragement to start afresh in his career of folly, and it is not long before his rebellion and bad conduct bring about his expulsion, and he returns home, having gra- duated in less than one term. ‘And now his father is perfectly astonished ; thinks it very strange that this thing should have happened; for although his son was a 68 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. little wild, yet he possessed a good mind,-and had many noble traits of character, and if he had been properly managed, he would have done honour to his family and country: something must be wrong in the institution; the teachers are incompetent or partial in their administration, and henceforth both father and son are its sworn foes. Now, just one word of expostulation before we leave this father. How could you suppose for a moment that strangers could manage your son, when you had long since proclaimed to the world that he was unmanageable ?, If you, his father, had not love enough for your child, to govern him, how could you suppose that an utter stranger would love him more. Old Eli is a pretty fair specimen of some fathers who are too timid and tender-hearted to control their children, or to be respected by them. He persuaded his sons, when he ought to have compelled, and mildly expostulated when he ought to have flogged them; consequently they broke his heart. Another class of parents undertake to do every thing by main force. When you talk of discipline, they think of nothing but the hickory. They are sternly dignified, so that “ FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 69 their children never approach their presence but with awe. Their whole conduct towards them is calculated to make them feel afraid. Nothing is done because of love to the pa- rent: fear, dread, is the spring and principle of all obedience. There is no affectionate, respectful confidence on the part of the child; no seeking the parent’s company, but a care- ful avoidance of it. Whenever I see this in a family, I take it for granted there is some- thing wrong in the heads of department. Many children have no doubt been ruined by » the foregoing method of stern, unbending management. Let such parents hear the apostle: « And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” At the same time that your bearing towards your children is such as to command their respect, let it be an affectionate respect. You will do well occasionally to lay aside your dignity, and come down to the level of childhood, mingle with them freely in conversation, and even in their childish sports. It will be a great point gained if you win their enture con- fidence, so that they shall make you the depo- sitory of the secrets of their bosoms. At all 70 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. events be sure to govern them, and don’t let them govern you. The fortunes of life are variously but pow- erfully affected by the friendships of child- hood; you will need, therefore, to be very careful of the associations of your children. You cannot be too vigilant at this point. The foundations of many a man’s ruin have been laid in the associations of his boyhood; and as your children cannot be supposed to pos- sess sufficient discretion to choose wisely in this matter, God devolves this responsibility upon the parents; and those who are negli- gent here, and permit their children to choose their associates indiscriminately, may not be surprised if, in despite of all their exhortations, and prayers, and tears, they bring anguish upon them at the last. The same reasoning will apply to a certain extent to your child’s course of reading. Books are very influential companions, and tell with great emphasis upon the weal or wo of men and women. Bear this in mind and act accordingly. We take it for granted that you will give your children education. It is certainly your solemn duty to do so as far as your ability and their capacity will justify it. Look well FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 71 to the character of the institution and the teachers to whose care you commit the train- ing, to a considerable extent, of the mind and heart of your child. Some parents love money so well that they cannot afford to educate their children. ‘They say it costs too much, and consequently their children are brought up without mental cultivation, and spend a comparatively comfortless and inefficient life ; or else they live to reproach the paternal par- ~simony which locked them out from the foun- tains of knowledge, in order that it might bequeath to them a few pieces more of gold and silver.. Or if it is sometimes the case that parents seék to educate their children, then, in settling as to the institutions to which - they send them, the cardinal point looked to is the cheapness. Wherever it can be done cheapest, that is the very spot, without much reference to those sterling qualifications which are essential to the character of a good governor and instructor of youth. It would seem to me of great importance that the teacher of your children should not only pos- sess the proper literary and scientific attain- ments, but his religious character is also of He FAMILY GOVERNMENT. considerable consequence. Nor are his re< ligious opinions unimportant. The prosperity of the church is largely identified with the education and control of her children ; hence I believe that the church should make ample provision for educating her sons and daughters; and this she must do, or she is certainly false to the high trust com- ‘mitted to her by the chief Shepherd. To accomplish this, the wisdom, the energy, and the perseverance of the clergy, from the highest to the lowest, must be in constant requisition. But the,clergy cannot act alone in this matter; the people are more deeply interested in the success of this thing than the clergy, and it behoves them to come up to this work fervently, zealously, persever- ingly, and liberally ; and not only to use all proper means that suitable institutions of learning be provided, but also to send their children to those nurseries of science thus established by the church for this important purpose. Our church has for several years past been paying some attention to this great work; and institutions, to a respectable ex- tent, have been provided; and yet, as a de- FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 7h>, nomination, we are not halfawake. At every step the love of money interferes with our progress; none of our institutions endowed ; all of them needing aid for the procurement of the necessary books for libraries, and the apparatus necessary for full and thorough illustration. The most of our faculties are thrown upon the precarious product of tuition fees, which might answer, if our people would - patronise us in this department; but even in this matter we are often disappointed, and the children of our flocks, on whom, under God, the future existence of the church must de- pend, are sent to be trained under other in- fluences, sometimes skeptical, and sometimes because it costs less. Protestant children, by scores, crowd to the halls of catholic in- stitutions, where they issue forth in due time, having learned to regard their parents as heretics, who are not within the pale of salva- tion. We exhort you, therefore, as Metho- dists, not only to educate your children as well as you can, but let that training, when- ever it is practicable, be conducted under the auspices of the church of your choice; and I urge this upon you, because I have taken it for granted that you are honest in your reli- 7 74. FAMILY GOVERNMENT. gious preferences and professions, and conse- quently that you wish your children to love and embrace the same opinions and practices. If, however, in this we have done you in- justice and misjudged of your motives and character, we ask pardon, and dismiss you without any further notice, except to say that you will at least see to it, that your sons and daughters are brought up under sound and decided Protestant influences. ‘To this point the far-seeing wisdom of the Papal church directs its principal attention in this country; knowing that if it can control the educational destinies of the rising generation, it will find no difficulty in directing, ultimately, the ‘destinies of the country, both politically and ecclesiastically. Here lies the danger of Papal ascendency, and that danger may be more real and imminent than most of us are aware of. FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 715 CHAPTER VII. EDUCATION OF SONS. WE have a few special remarks to make on the subject of educating boys. There is a practice of starting little fellows to school at five or six years of age, and keeping them steadily at it till they graduate. We regard this an injudicious course, so far as it is to affect the child physically or mentally. If he is studious at this early age, his constitution is necessarily impaired, and his pale counte- nance gives proof that the seeds of death are sown prematurely in his outer man. I doubt the propriety of sending a little boy to school before he is seven or eight years old. Let his mother and father, or his sisters, teach him to spell and read at home. This may be done by a little attention, without taxing the boy with too much confinement. Let him meanwhile run about in the sun, or on the snow or frost, or in the rain occasionally ; and do not let the mother be alarmed if the 76 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. little darling comes home at night pretty well spattered with mud, or covered with dirt, from wading in the branch, or rolling in the sand. And now his day’s work is done, and he will keep awake long enough for the necessary cleansing process; and then be sure to refuse him the comfort of even a soft mattrass, but just furnish him with a blanket or a bedquilt, and he will find many a plank in the floor soft enough to afford him a com- fortable bed on which he will sleep soundly till morning calls him forth again to healthful play. Not afew parénts murder their chil- dren by their extreme carefulness to protect ‘them from all exposure to disease. They fear to let little master go into the hot sun- shine, for fear he will get a fever; and he must by no means wet his feet, for fear of catching cold; and then the mother is all the while in a sort of purgatory, for fear he will eat apples, or plums, or peaches, or water- melons, and get sick, and die. Now, it is my sober and deliberate judgment that this is all worse than folly. Your child requires the benefit of sunshine and open air, and I think an occasional shower likewise, just as much as the plants in your garden. Let him have FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 77 them freely, and fear no bad consequences. I love to see a little boy full of life and frolic, ready to bound away like the fawn over hill and dale; nor do I object to a little mischief in his composition, provided it issues in nothing wicked. So long as his childish pranks have nothing sinful, or cruel, or ill- natured in them, they do not interrupt me: and as to this matter of eating fruit, about which some prudent parents make such an ado, it is allunnecessary. God has provided the various fruits of the earth for our health and comfort, and has wisely adjusted their matu- rity to those seasons of the year when they will not only not injure us, but will be greatly promotive of our health ; only let our children not use them before they are ripe; and then, in proper quantities, they may be taken with perfect safety and decided advantage. I have often noticed that children, deprived of this indulgence, are apt to be sickly, puny, dyspeptic creatures; while the hardy little urchin who climbs the tree to gather the ripe fruit, and then devours it at his own discre- tion, rarely experiences any resulting evil. » We beg pardon of the doctors for thus un- ceremoniously obtruding ourselves into what d 78 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. may be considered as falling properly within their more immediate and appropriate pro- vince. Our remarks are the result of a pretty extensive and long continued course of ob- servation, and our readers may take them for whatever they are worth. But, to carry out a little more in detail our notions on the best method of educating boys. We believe that at about seven or eight years of age the lad should be sent to school, and should be kept at it till he is old enough to plough ; by that time learning will be getting to be rather a heavy, dull business, pursued without interest, and only pursued at all, probably from motives of fear. Then take him and put him to work on the farm for two or three years, let him handle the plough or the hoe, or do any other business required to be done on the plantation, to which his physi- cal strength is adequate; only see that he is kept steadily at business, and is not permitted to be idle or trifling because he is young mas- ter; by this process you will have given strength and development to his physical con- stitution—you will have given him habits of business, and a knowledge of it, which he can turn to good account in any avocation to FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 79 which he may apply himself in future time. And it is probable, too, that he will turn to his studies with an interest and a gust hitherto unfelt by him, and will learn more in one year than he would otherwise have done in two or three. To this course I know there is one objection, which is often considered conclusive by Southern planters: it is that they cannot reside on their plantations with- out boarding their children out to send them to school; hence they most commonly reside with their families in towns or villages, and their farms are frequently remote, so that they cannot send their sons home to work without injuring their manners by such immediate contact with the negroes. ‘To this we answer, it might be well worth the expense for you to have a small farm nearer to your residence, whose soil it would do good to your sons to turn over, where they would be almost daily under your observation. In fact, the most of our wealthy planters have these provision- farms contiguous to’their places of residence, so that they would be easily accomplished. And permit us to say still further, that if your boy is thrown upon the plantation with the overseer and negroes, and the overseer be a 80 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. man of such prudence and morals as a Chris- tain master might with a good conscience put in charge of his slaves and plantation, it is very questionable whether young master will be nearly as much damaged in heart or manners as has been feared. It is not impossible that the injury would scarcely equal that derived from the associations of a large college, and a thriving com- mercial town. At any rate he would not probably make as great proficiency in the accomplishments of drinking gin-sling, or playing cards or billiards, as he would be apt to do in association with a hundred young men gathered from all classes and from all portions of the state. We recommend this subject to the serious consideration of parents who have sons to educate. Many boys are sent to school at six years of age, and they are kept at it all the while. It is school, school, all the time. ‘The boy loses all relish for study: he does not love it, for he has not as yet learned to appreciate the value or im- portance of education: he is consequently negligent as to his studies, and as books are repudiated, mischief must be invoked to fill the vacuum. Father, teacher, and all con- FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 81 cerned decide that he is learning nothing; but still, for his own credit and that of the family, he must retain his place as a student, and, by dint of managing, cramming, and the proper quantum of indulgence, and a slight sprinkle of favoritism on the part of his teachers, he passes through college, his name standing on the list of «+ excused’? among the orators of the occasion, and when the testi- monial from the President is handed him, it might be truly said that there was more on the sheepskin than had ever been in the head of the student. With this less than half training he is thrust out upon society, and has to take rank as an educated man; and _ if his imperfect scholarship were all, it would not be quite so bad. But along with this deficiency there are habits of indolence which render his future prospects of usefulness and distinction exceedingly unpromising, to say nothing of the habits of vice and dissipation to which his earlier antipathy to study may have led him. Now it is, we think, very probable that the timely application of a few years’ labour at the handles of the plough or the hoe would have exerted a decided and quickening influence upon the laggard genius 82 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. of our young friend, and if nothing more had been gained by the process, he would at least have acquired some knowledge of the theory and practice of making an honest living by his own industry ; or perhaps himself and all concerned would have discovered that the cornfield or the workshop were much more appropriate both to his genius and his taste than academic shades or halls of science; and it occurs to me, by the way, that in a thousand instances the world would have been greatly benefited by this discovery. But our hero has finished his collegiate course, the graduating scene is past, the de- grees have been conferred, and his name, enlarged by the addition of two mystic letters, is already given to immortality; but now an important question has to be settled—what are to be the young gentleman’s future pur- suits? Shall he go forth and engage in the work of teaching? or shall he engage in agri- cultural pursuits? or shall he give his atten- tion to mechanical or mercantile pursuits ? ‘These various points are examined and dismissed in a very summary way. Teach- ing is a respectable employment enough, but then it is extremely irksome and dull to FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 83 confine oneself to the routine of the school- room, to be obliged to whip, and cuff, and coax learning into some dozen or two of clod-headed boys, none of whom promise tc rise to any distinction; and then this thing of being only an old field schoolmaster— there is nothing large or high-sounding in the title, so it won’t do—that’s settled.. Mecha- cal pursuits are scarcely eligible for young men of good families and genteel training. As to agriculture, that’s well enough, when a man is able to conduct it on a large scale; and it may answer too as an old-age recrea- tion for one who is sick of business, and surfeited with the honours of the world; but . for 4 young man of genius and education to commence his career, and tax his resources of mind and body and time to compel the earth to yield him wealth and respectability, is not to be thought of. Oh! no: the road to distinction lies through the learned pro- fessions—law or physic; one must be studied. Law is the most usual road to political dis- tinction; and the title of Dr. has something very respectable and pleasant in its jingle ; and then these pursuits are very appropriate to educated men; so the matter is settled, 84 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. and both father and son concur in the deci- sion. We will suppose our young friend decides for the study of the law. : For this there are two or three strong reasons; Ist, Most of our distinguished politicians and statesmen are lawyers, and it is therefore fair to infer that the road to distinction lies in that direction. 2d, A few months’ study, and a moderate quantum of knowledge, will enable him to pass the examination, and gain admis- sion to the bar; and forthwith his shingle hangs out in some country-town or cross- roads village, as attorney at law. Being properly qualified and duly authorized, he can, of course, indulge no lingering doubt of success; and accordingly his future is filled with visions of glory and wealth. But, unfortunately, the people do not concur with him in opinion; they choose to confide their moneyed interests to men of more experience and more decided talent. He makes the necessary flourish in the newspapers, and duly presents himself at all the courts of the circuit ; he takes his station regularly with his brethren of the green bag, and at the end of the first two years, save a few cases picked up at the magistrates’ courts, his fees are FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 85 nameless; nor has any opportunity been afforded him for the display of his legal knowledge, except as he has volunteered in behalf of some poor wretch who was unable to pay for legal services. In the mean time his board, office-rent, and travelling expenses must be paid. His father has given him all he can afford him, and he is compelled (sad alternative) to depend upon himself. But what can he do? He is a gentleman, and a lawyer, and must dress, and look, and live, and travel in a manner becoming his rank. He is ready for practice, but nobody will employ him; consequently, if he don’t make an honest living by his practice, he is not to blame, but. the public. For a while he can make shift to pay his tavern bills, by borrow- ing from his professional brethren, who out of pity lend him small sums, which they don’t dream will ever be paid; but this resource is too precarious, and his credit having be- come threadbare with merchants and tailors, some new scheme must be devised for raising the wind. Gambling is resorted to as a gen- teel method of living without labour—drunk- enness very naturally attaches itself—and bankruptcy, murder, and the gallows, very 86 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. often wind up the history of one, who, as a mechanic or a farmer, might have been a prosperous, useful, and happy man, a wealthy and honourable citizen, a good Christian, and a blessing to church and state. Now, if young men, after an unsuccessful effort at law or physic, would have firmness and de- cision of character sufficient to break away from their false notions of what is gentleman- ly and honourable, and throw themselves into the arena of vigorous and stirring competition with farmers or mechanics in any department of honest industry, there would be more hope for the country. And there is a number who act thus; but it is to be feared the num- ber is comparatively small: the most of those who commence with the learned professions esteem it dishonourable to retrograde; and pursue, with dogged recklessness, their path to honourable distinction, till their course issues in beggary and infamy. We regard it a sub- ject of deep regret that this overweening fondness for the learned professions should be so prevalent among both fathers and sons in this country; amd that, consequently, so few of our educated young men can conde- scend to be any thing but doctors or lawyers, FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 87 and that agriculture and its kindred arts and employments are deprived of the aid and light which a well-cultivated intellect and profound science might bring to it.. The fact is, we have great need of hundreds of well-educated and enterprising agriculturists and schoolmasters, while of lawyers and physicians the supply trebles the demand. We pray you, old men and young ones, to take this matter into consideration, and select your avocation in view of an honourable competency and correspondent usefulness. 88 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. CHAPTER VIII. EDUCATION OF DAUGHTERS. Ir it be practicable, educate your daughters under your own eye; for, however good the institution to which you may send them, and however wise and prudent the governess of such an institution may be, yet if the mother be the right sort of a woman, there are none who will feel the same interest, or who will watch so carefully, or counsel so prudently, or in- fluentially, as she. Where, however, circum- stances do not permit this, I would again most earnestly urge a special and prayerful scrutiny as to the character of teachers and school. Young females are peculiarly exposed to in- jurious and fatal influences where a proper guard is not thrown around them; and this is especially the case if they have wealth in prospect. But now another question presents itself of no ordinary moment ; what is meant by the term, a good education, when applied to daughters? If you will only pick up a FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 89 newspaper containing the annual announce- ment of one of our fashionable boarding- schools, you may find an answer to your question spread over almost half a newspaper column, commencing with orthography, and winding up with French, Spanish, Italian, and music on the piano, guitar, harp, and I don’t know what else besides ; including also ornamental needle-work, drawing and paint- ing; as also lessons given in shell and wax- work. Well, here we take it as a range suf- ficiently ample to satisfy our most enlarged desires ; and as every parent who is able to give his daughter a firstrate education, or who wishes it believed that he has done so, will seek for the best advantages for his child, that she may come forth an accomplished lady, it is fair to infer that all the foregoing course, or, at least, the greater portion of it, must be embraced. Let us see. Here is reading, writing, arithmetic: I beg pardon if I have gone too far back; I believe the modern plan is to start at natural science and render mathema- tics pleasant by a tune on the piano. Very well, rather than be thought antiquated in our 8* : P 90 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. notions, we’ll start at natural science. A young lady sets out in her academic, or col- legiate course at this point, and she must stud chemistry, and optics, and acoustics, and hy- draulics, and hydrostatics, and mineralogy, and botany, and astronomy, and physiology, and algebra, and mathematics, and grammar, and rhetoric, and logic, and geography, and twenty other things besides ; and all this too before she leaves the range of common English studies. But then it were vulgar to stop there; or else perchance she would not be wiser than her mother; so she must launch out into the sea of French, or Spanish, or Italian gibberish, which neither she nor any body about her will understand when she has finished. One question at this point; how long will it take a young lady, starting at twelve years of age, to acquire a competent knowledge of what is really valuable in the English course above noticed? However, she can in less time have the technology of these sciences, and that may, perhaps, answer the wishes of herself and friends. But young ‘Miss is a fine genius and learns rapidly ; she drives with eagle-swiftness over these fields FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 91 of science, and absolutely finds it necessary to take up some other study to keep her em- oyed: so says her teacher, and what parent ever called in question the teacher’s opinion when it was complimentary to a beloved child. Let us suppose that our young friend goes through the whole course, and comes home thoroughly accomplished. She is fully at home in all matters of science and literature ; in French she can bid you good morning, and go through, at least, the greater portion of the usual round of compliments ; and her French reading has been also somewhat extensive, embracing the Phrase-book, Telemachus, and a book of fables; and this, by the way, is as - far, probably, as she will ever have occasion to use the French. In Spanish her course of reading has not been so extensive ; and as to Italian, she actually attempts a song or two in that voluptuous language ; (unluckily she has not studied Dutch.) She also paints beautifully, and plays and sings most delight- fully. Well, taking for granted that every thing was straight in this department, I once asked a very pleasant and interesting girl to play a piece of sacred music for me; to my 92 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. surprise she had never played it : and another, and another piece was as utterly unknown ; and finally, to prevent any further disappoint- ment, my young friend told me that in the Institution of which she was a pupil, they did not teach sacred music; and yet this was un- derstood to be a strictly religious institution, and was under the direction of a clergyman ; and this case is only a sample of many which are constantly occurring. Christian parents send their Christian daughters to Christian in- stitutions, taught by Christian ministers ; and when hundreds have been expended on their musical education, ask one of them to play you one of the songs of Zion, and you will soon discover that this thing of praising God with the fingers was not introduced into the course of instruction at the Female In- stitute. If, however, you want some senti- mental and elegant composition, such as «¢Old Dan Tucker,”’ or «« Lucy Long,”’ why then their fingers and their voices are quite at home. _ Well, our young friend comes home, and makes her debut in the fashionable world, and for a while she glitters as a brilliant star; but FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 93 soon her days of show are over. She marries and enters upon the sober realities of domes- tic life. New duties occupy her thoughts. Many, very many things of which she had never before formed the slightest conception, force themselves upon her attention. Her husband’s interest and comfort have to be consulted. Her servants must be regulated, and clothed ; and after a while there is music from the crib or cradle so overwhelming and absorbing in its interest, that, alas, that five hundred dollars piano stands for months in the parlour as silent as though it possessed no voice for song. Ask her to play, and she tells you that her days of tune are over; and the instrument must be kept for her eldest daughter to practise on. Or we will suppose that she is a devotee to music, and every day spends hours under the influence of its de- lightful witchery; what then becomes of household matters. Her servants need cloth- ing; nakedness is coming on them apace ; her husband’s garments, too, need improve- ment, and her own and her children’s ap- pearance indicates that the genius of song, at least, in this instance, maintains but a sorry 94 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. uniform. Now, although a man may begin housekeeping with a good deal of poetry and song in his composition, yet he finds after a while that a German waltz or a Russian march don’t mend his coat nor darn his stock- ings, nor keep his house in order ; nor is ita very substantial business to dine or sup upon tune. Ifyou say there is a happy medium be- tween the two extremes, I grant it; but how many ladies of your acquaintance have disco- veredit? Perhaps one young lady in a hundred possesses a talent for music, and may attain to some eminence in the world of song; the remaining ninety-nine will never attain to any distinction beyond that of mere drummers. It will be perceived from the above remarks that we are not enthusiastic admirers of the system of musical instruction which prevails in our female schools. We are not enemies to instrumental music ; we don’t believe it to be necessarily sinful; we can perceive no reason why one may not praise God with his fingers as well as his lips; yet it is not gene- rally thus consecrated in the present system ° of fashionable female education. ‘There is, comparatively, but little of the fashionable music adapted to the piano which properly FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 95 recognises God, or elevates the soul to spi- ritual communion with him; while much of it is calculated not merely to fill the mind with froth and nonsense, but with sentiments, images, and allusions which can scarcely fail to injure and corrupt the purity of a guileless and susceptible girl: and a large portion of that which is called sacred music, imbodies opinions and feelings which are not the most desirable for good Protestants. To sum up all in a few words, we believe it to be the most costly as to time and money, and the most unprofitable of all the accomplishments with which we adorn our daughters. | We should regard a young lady well edu- _ cated who had made good proficiency in the literary and scientific course usually pointed out, so far as she can learn it in English: let her be a good, sound, common-sense English scholar; one who understands the genius and philosophy of her own mother tongue ; who reads it well, and writes it forcibly and with elegance; one who loves to study the +works of God and is at home amid the mysteries of natural science, and is prepared to turn their discoveries to practical account; who amidst all the rest of her learning is able 96 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. to use skilfully both the scissors and the needle; and who has consequently but little use for milliners or mantua-makers. There may be, for aught I know, some cases in which it might be very desirable for young ladies in our country to study the French, Spanish, and Italian languages. In all such cases permit us to recommend the Cherokee and Choctaw languages as being of great consequence in view of the future improve- ment of society. A few words more in reference to your daughters, and we leave this part of the sub- ject. Let me ask you, parents, for what purpose you are bringing up your daughters? Do you desire to train them up simply for show and parade? Do you wish them simply to dance well, dress finely, and be admired and flattered by men of empty heads and vicious hearts, without any reference to use- fulness here, and the loftier hopes of heaven hereafter? Or do you wish that your daugh- ter should be prepared to fill properly and usefully her station as child, sister, wife, and mother, and mistress here, and then to dwell with God on high, where neither death nor sickness shall ever come? I pray you answer FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 97 these questions seriously in the light of eter- nity, and then go and act accordingly. Taking it for granted that you will answer these questions properly, permit us to direct your attention earnestly and at some length to numerous responsibilities with reference especially to your daughters. The extent and power of woman’s influ- ence for good or for evil can scarcely, be overrated. Her’s is the first influence acting upon us—the earliest smile of infancy is awakened by her look and her voice. Our first throb of affection is for her. Her bosom affords not only life’s earliest nutriment, but ‘it is also our softest, sweetest, and most se- _rene resting-place amid the sorrows and fret- tings of early childhood’s days. Her voice is the sweet but potent instrument which first awakens in the infant heart the energy of thought and reason; and her lips and her looks give thought and reason their first di- rection to that heaven which should be their ultimate and glorious resting-place. Who among us that is a brother hath forgotten the sweet and saving influence of a sister’s love, as it twined itself around our hearts in child- hood’s. happy hours, checking our wayward- 9 98 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. ness and sweetly attempering by its bearing and gentleness the roughness and rashness of our fiery spirits; gently calling us back from the path of evil and winning us with all the blandishments of a sister’s love to the paths of peace and purity and safety. And who that hath been an attentive observer on life’s busy theatre, has not often marked the influ- ence of a pure and lovely daughter upon the nature and conduct of a father, even although he may have been stern and rugged and reckless and devilish. Ay, how often have we seen him through this instrumentality brought to the Saviour’s feet, when every other influence had failed to affect him. And then, when first we went forth in man- hood’s early strength, conscious of power and boastful of independence, what strange, what mysterious power was that which ere long held us captive, and, separating us from the world of dissipation and parade, hath caused us, as if by magic, to fall in love with labour, and care, and comparative seclusion from our fellows, and be content with the society of one, and live mainly for that one, and think it reward enough for all our self-denials and labours if that one shall love us and FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 99 speak affectionately to us, and smile on us without a cloud ; and straightway we talk of Paradise and Eden, and sing of home, sweet, sweet home: can you tell me by whgse influ- ence all this is brought about? Aifd yet our chapter is not half exhausted, although the fear of tiring our friends admonishes us to cease. We shall, therefore, only say further on this point, that the influence of woman commences with our earliest glance upon this beautiful world, and clusters around us to the hour when dissolving humanity breathes its last sigh ; and let it be remembered that this all-potent influence is almost irresistible for good or for evil, only as it shall be directed and controlled by the Spirit of God, or the spirit of the evil one,—the infallible and holy word of God, or the ever-varying, corrupt and corrupting maxims of a world, selfish, impure and hypocritical, as the prince of the power of the air who gives it law. And, now, Christian parents, let me most affectionately implore you to look this matter soberly, calmly, and honestly in the face ; look upon your children, and remember how far-reaching are your responsibilities for them, each and every one of them: look on your 100 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. daughters, and think of the part they are com- pelled to act in the fearful or glorious results of this world’s history. Ask yourself what kind of education will best prepare them for filling, profitably and usefully to themselves and all concerned, the various stations to which in the providence of God they may be called; and act accordingly, whether the world praise or condemn. FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 101 CHAPTER IX. EDUCATION OF DAUGHTERS. WE have already dwelt at some length on the important position of women in society, and her almost unlimited influence, for good or for evil, upon the destinies of the world; and we still linger at this point, mainly in view of turning the attention of Christian pa- rents to a thoughtful and sober examination as to what is the best method of educating their daughters, in view of the relations they ~ will probably have to sustain in coming time. Of course we regard their proper Christian instruction as claiming our first and highest regard. The grand, the comprehensive prin- ciple of St. Paul must be at the foundation, and give tone and direction to all the rest of our instruction; «for none of us liveth to himself, and no man dieth to himself; for whether we live we live unto the Lord, and whether we die we die unto the Lord; whether we live, therefore, or die, we are the Q* 102 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. Lord’s.”” Make these great truths your land- marks, and you will scarcely fail. Now it seems to us that young ladies are usually edu- cated under auspices directly opposite, although professedly Christian. The earliest teachings of maternal love tend to foster the love of show and parade, and to swell with pride. and self-importance a heart naturally proud, which needed no prompting to urge it to self-idolatry. Everything is urged upon the youthful and susceptible girl in the hght of self-glorification. She is taught to dress, that she may be admired ; and all the graces of manner and person are urged upon her with the most untiring assiduity; and the motive proposed is uniformly the same—that she may win admiration. For this purpose she goes into company; and to accomplish this all-important end, every muscle, and ten- don, and nerve are subjected to an artificial ’ discipline, the whole design and tendency of which is to destroy that simplicity and sin- cerity of manner and character which is so lovely in woman, and substitute in its stead affectation of manner, and heartlessness, and insincerity of character, hateful in all, but FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 103 most loathsome when it marks the conduct of woman, ‘The holy law of truth and love is forgotten, and the young lady issues forth from the paternal mansion to play her part, and develope the true character of her home education, in the busy whirl of society. She sets her compass, and trims her sails, for one point. One all-absorbing subject employs her thoughts by day and by night. Only let her be the admired of every company; let obsequious crowds of the other sex pay their devotions at her shrine; let them praise her beauty, (for is she not beautiful, and have not her eyes often lingered long upon these charms at the mirror?) Let them praise her wit, her taste, in manner and in dress, or in the selec- tion of associates, or the skill with which she sweeps the keys of the instrument from which she has called forth the overwhelming concord of sweet sounds; these are the topics which delight, especiaily if the dish of gossip be spiced with a little slander, a little invidious comparison between her and her sister candi- dates for exclusive worship: and then, who can tell the amount of envy, and heart-burn- ing, and evil-speaking, which spring up along o£ 104 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. the pathway of such an one: what room is there in such a heart for God? What time has such an one for prayer, or Bible-reading, or visiting the sick, or poor? Alas! these things would be deemed unsuitable accom- paniments to such places, employments, or companionship, as these self-idolaters desire ; for the Bible whispers no words of flattery, nor does the Holy Ghost dwell with, or whis- per of peace, and joy, and heaven, to those who swim in the dance, and grow wild with the revelry and song of the ball-room. There are not a few mothers, even among those who call themselves by the name of Christ, and kneel at God’s altar, and receive from the hands of God’s ministers the sym- bols of the body and blood of the crucified One that bought them on the cross, and who would be greatly scandalized if their claim to orthodoxy or piety were even in the slightest measure called in question, who nevertheless regard the dancing-school and the ball-room as necessary appendages to the training and conduct of their daughters. See, if you please, that Christian mother who was yester- day at the house of God, and even approached FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 105 the table of the Lord, and when the pastor prayed, «Lead us not into temptation,” re- sponded « Amen!” And now ’tis Monday evening, and she has been busy all the live- long day; and as, evening approaches, her anxieties increase, until, at length, her work is done; and forth from her chamber comes the object of all this labour and solicitude. The Christian mother’s only daughter is be- fore you, decked in pearls and jewels, and as fine as dress and art’ can make her. For weeks the mother and daughter have been looking forward to this night with the deepest anxiety. No pains, no expense, have been spared. And now the mother gazes upon _ the beautiful child with a self-complacent air, and says, in the vanity of her heart, that ball- room will contain no form more graceful than her’s; and none will be more admired than she. And then the mother follows her to the door, and after giving her one more charge as to looks and manner, resigns her child to the chances of a crowded ball-room, with all its attendant associations and temptations. Follow this mother to her chamber; she is alone, and it is the hour for prayer, and con- 106 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. science calls her to the performance. of that sacred duty; but can she attempt it? Can she call upon the Most High to protect her child? Is there not a voice of stern rebuke within her, which says, how canst thou dare approach the presence of the pure and all- seeing One, when thou hast just sent forth thy choicest lamb, decked and garlanded’ as a victim for the altar at the devil’s great sac- rifice? Alas! for this heartless mother and her devoted child. Attendance on the thea- tre follows as a necessary preparation for her in the proper circles, and a thorough devo- tion to balls, assemblies, and fashionable par- ties, marks her as a young lady of elegant accomplishments—a glittering star in the galaxy of fashion. But what has been gained in all this time on the score of health, or mind, or soul, or conscience, or purse? She has learned to prattle simpering nonsense, to enter a room with artificial grace, to be an artificial creature all the while she remains in company, to play the hypocrite in her inter- course with others, and to be the dupe of like practices on the part of her associates. She has learned to utter slander with a peculiar FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 107 grace, and her heart has received the seeds of envy, and malignity, and revenge, which often’ produce in coming time a rank and luxuriant crop of evil. One other accomplishment is also often ac- quired in this: school—the talent for spending money with a most lady-like profusion and recklessness. Self must be beautified and glorified at any cost, and many a bankrupt father may find the causes of his ruin and beggary in the criminal selfishness and ex- travagant habits of such a daughter; and not a few husbands, who have wrecked fortune, and character, and hope, in the morning of life’s voyage, owe it all to an ill-fated co- partnership with a wife thus trained. How much more wisely would mothers act if there were blended with the education of their daughters a little more practical instruction in the duties of domestic life; believe me it would be no subtraction from the elegance or taste of your daughter, should she be her own milliner or mantua-maker ; nor would people of good: sense and taste esteem her a whit the more vulgar, because her father and brothers happen to exhibit in their garments proofs of 108 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. her neatness and skill as a seamstress, or be- cause her father’s hospitable table afforded to his guests abundant practical proof of the skill and industry of both mother and .daugh- ters. Happy the daughters whose parents have good sense and firmness enough to train them thus. It'has often occurred to me that it might be a most desirable regulation which should prohibit the marriage of young women until they shall have acquired the necessary skill in managing matters connected with dairy, and pantry, and kitchen, and also of the scissors and needlé, so far as clothing for herself and husband and servants may be concerned. But as the ladies protest in the name of the tailors against making their hus- band’s coats, we consent to omit this from the list, but would most earnestly insist that they should be prepared for every other arti- cle of the wardrobe. I know it is said, that if a woman has the disposition, she will ac- quire, after marriage, the necessary knowledge of domestic matters. This may be true with- out at all affecting the propriety of the views above taken; because, it is very likely that the previous habits of such ladies will prevent FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 109 two-thirds of them from having the disposi- tion ; and second, there is certainly neither wisdom nor kindness in taxing one who has the disposition with the task of learning at the expense of a large expenditure of time and mortification, what might have been acquired so readily, easily, and pleasantly, under the influence of maternal example and instruction ; and especially, when it is remembered that a large portion of the learning of her former years had infinitely better have remained un- learned. “ A few more remarks on this point, and we dismissit. Christian mothers, train your daugh- ter for the God who made her and redeemed her, and for that heaven where the pure in heart see God, and dwell in his presence. Let her be thy companion when thou visitest the sick and poor; and make her frequently the almoner of thy charities to them. Interest her in the great benevolent purposes of the gospel ; and when thou goest to thy chamber to commune in secret with thy God, let her be often thy companion. Oh! I remember when the Christian mothers of the country were wont often to take their little ones with 10 110 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. them to the devotions of the closet ; and even now I sometimes see, in families which I visit, signs which I well understand. I see that mother, as the evening approaches, grow thoughtful, and soon she leaves the room fol- lowed by the little ones of her flock. I heard the door of the chamber closed, and all was silent; but after a brief space, that meek and ~ prayerful mother was again in her place ; her countenance bore the impress of God, for she had just been communing with him, and the cheeks of these little ones were still wet with a tear; for that mother had just been talking with these little lambs of the good Shepherd, and wrestling earnestly at the mercy-seat for them. And oh, how precious is the influence of this example upon the hearts of children. Would that Christian parents practised it more generally ; it should be greatly better both for them and their children. And now; just let me ask you, Christian mother, how much more glorious and angel-like will be the cha- racter of your child, as she kneels at the altar of God, or patiently teaches a class at Sun- day-school, or visits the aged and sick in the darkness and desolation of their poverty, and FAMILY GOVERNMENT. lil feeds the hungry and clothes the naked, and educates the uncared-for orphan, and makes the heart of the widow to sing for joy, and gives all the energies of time, and influence, and purse to promote the glory of God, and the happiness of man, than if she were the brighest star in the world of fashion, devoting her days and nights, and expending the energies of head, and heart, and time, and influence, and money, in pursuit of fashion’s gay, and heartless, and lying rewards? On which side lies the advantage, even here: But when our vision passes the boundary of earth, and sweeps far into eternity, and we stand before the throne of the Eternal, and gaze on the whole scene in the light of eter- nity, oh, how infinitely does the glory of the one excel the other! 112 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. CHAPTER X. PARENTAL SOLICITUDE FOR THE SALVATION OF CHILDREN. We have endeavoured in the remarks already made to direct the attention of parents to a variety of suggestions which we deemed of some importance to the proper training and well-being of children in view of both their interests here and in the world to come. We would in this chapter most earnestly and affectionately urge upon you the importance of a proper attention to this subject. The grand end and aim of all your labours and cares with reference to your children must be their proper preparation for the kingdom of heaven. If this end be not attained, whatever else you may accomplish, you will have failed in the first and grand object of all your care and solicitude. You will therefore do well to settle this as the glorious consummation to which all your FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 113 teaching and praying and managing is to have reference. If this be kept steadily in view, it will exert a restraining, quickening, and hallowing influence upon temper and tongue and action. With this end kept constantly in view, your plans and purposes will not fluctuate ; there will be a directness of aim, a singleness of purpose, which will impart wisdom and strength to those counsels which you will find so necessary for the accom- plishment of your holy, responsible, and glorious mission as parents. Many parents succeed badly because there is no unity of purpose in their management; they train their children partly for this world and partly for heaven, this world being first, and heaven second in importance, a thing to be looked after when the body is sick or decrepit, or wrinkled with age, and when the heart is surfeited with pleasure or mad with disap- pointment; when the lights of this world are extinguished, or a dark thick cloud veils the brightness of their glory, then may the smit- ten spirit turn, if it can, to the flickering light from the lamp of heaven! Who does not see that such a system of training will most 10* 114 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. likely issue in driving them from the altar of God to the shrine of folly, fashion, the god of this world? Pursuing the unity of object just named, you will constantly feel the importance of help from God enabling you for the proper discharge of your own duties towards your children, and will be prompted to throw yourselves constantly and unreservedly upon the strength and power of the divine arm, as pledged to prayerful, earnest faith, in the pre- cious promises of the « glorious gospel of the blessed God.”? You will pray much and earnestly and perseveringly for the salvation of your children; and you will do this in se- cret, at the family altar, in the house of God, and as you walk by the way; nor will you cease these wrestlings though discouraged by a thousand difficulties, and your hope be de- ferred by a thousand disappointments. You will endeavour to persuade them to the feet of the Redeemer; but this will require pru- dence as to time, place, and manner. You must bear in mind that your children are fallen creatures, with hearts proud and selfish and unbelieving, in love with the world, cap- FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 115 tivated by its present, tangible, and selfish gratifications, ready to believe its lying pro- mises, with no eye open upon eternity, and anxious to find a plausible pretext for doubt and unbelief of a message which so distinctly announces and so urgently enforces the doc- trine of self-renunciation and cross-bearing. You will therefore have occasion to learn the doctrine of prudence, as well as patience, in your zealous working for God. It is of great consequence that you so train them, as that they shall love and venerate the church of their parents, its institutions, and its ministers. I have often observed with regret the course pursued by Methodist parents, who, while they profess to be great sticklers for Methodism themselves, not only manifest no very decided anxiety for their children to be Methodists, but their children must be exceedingly dull if they have not perceived that they wish them to associate themselves with a class of religionists whose teachings, institutions, and habits are more in accordance with the genteel and liberal views of the-fashionable world. Methodism, with its straight-laced notions, may do very well ‘116 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. for old-fashioned old people; or it may suit well for the poor and uneducated; but for people of wealth and cultivation and refine- ment, and especially for the young of that class, it is quite too stern and gloomy and forbidding in its aspects. And then here is a mother who is herself a pattern of neatness and plainness in her own dress, who never- theless encourages her daughter in all sorts of foolish gayety and extravagance, in the adorning of her person. And then camp- meetings, class-meetings, love-feasts, itine- rancy, and almost every thing which is peculiarly Methodistic, are repudiated, in conversation at least, and the venerable, gray-haired, time-honoured, and war-worn, veteran who still lives to preach with primi- tive plainness and energy the full, free, present, and glorious gospel of God, as our fathers, of precious memory, proclaimed it, is represented as ignorant and fanatical, and - utterly unfit to be a teacher of the wise and polished generation now inhabiting this land of light and improvement. Now, what can such children think, I will not say of Method- ism, but of Christianity, and especially the FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 117 Christianity of their parents? And what shall we say when we learn (as is often the case) that these very parents, now grown so wise, and so critically nice in taste and manners, owe all they possess of character, or wealth, or influence, (under God,) to these same camp-meetings, and the labours of these same plain, heart-searching, old-fashioned men who are now adjudged too coarse to sound the gospel in ears polite? The gospel, as taught by these men, found them at ruin’s door; the father wallowing in a drunkard’s filth, and the mother in squalid poverty ; and these same children in rags and wretchedness ; but they heard the word of life, and were quick- ened at a camp-meeting ; they were awaken- ed at camp-meeting; they were converted: and there too at God’s altar in the woods they pledged themselves to God and Method- ism. Religion made the father a sober man; it made the whole family industrious and economical; it elevated them from associa- tion with the vile and the vulgar, and brought them into the companionship of those who were virtuous and respectable. Industry and good management have brought prosperity, 118 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. and they are rich, and in less than twenty years have forgotten the hole of the pit whence they were digged, and the men who were the instruments of digging them up. We pray you, parents, if you are honest in your Methodism, encourage your children to . follow in your footsteps. I would not have my children bigots; I would have them hon- our and love the image of God wherever they see it, without reference to names or sects; but still, with my honest and conscientious convictions of truth, I would have them un- derstand Methodism, and love it and embrace it, not as the exclusive, but as the most pure and efficient form of modern Christianity. You should not speak slightingly of the ministers of Christ before your children, nor indulge yourselves in such animadversions upon their characters or their sermons as may lead your children to undervalue their ministry, or cherish prejudices against them personally. Bear in mind that prejudice in the heart against the preacher is often a most fatal and effectual barrier against the success of his word; and ask yourself, will it not be an awful matter if any random or thoughtless FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 119 or foolish word from your lips should close your child’s heart against the very message which would otherwise have been the instru- ment of saving him? ‘Take your children often with you to class-meetings and love- feasts; interest them in the Sunday-school work, and in the glorious missionary enter- prise, which looks to the entire globe as its field of operations. Endeavour by all possi- ble means to interest them from childhood in every thing which concerns the purity and triumphs of the church; and while they are yet small, let their little hands be familiar with the work of charity: so shall you train up a generation to bless the church and the world when you shall have followed your fathers to the tomb. In this great work to which you are ex- horted, as well as in every other part of your duty toward your children, you will find it important to act in unison. Let there be union of purpose, union of counsel, and united prayers for their salvation. Yet we confess that we look (especially in the earlier days of youth) mainly to the influence of the mother. To her God has specially committed 120 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. the moulding the infant heart, and to her it is particularly assigned to lay the foundations of future goodness and greatness: and this is remarkably the case with respect to sons. I shall not enter into the philosophy of this matter now, but simply refer to it as a fact well ascertained by experience and observa- tion, that the influence of a pious mother upon the character and destiny of her sons is more deep and undying than any other. Permit me here to avail myself of the follow- ing quotation from one of the most eloquent of modern divines, the Rev. Dr. McAll. Speaking of this power of maternal influence, he says, « To so large an extent is this power realized, that when we witness the admission of fresh members into the church, or listen to the narratives of personal experience present- ed by candidates for ordination, at least if any favourable impression is made upon their minds in early life, we almost instinctively expect to hear them acknowledging their un- speakable obligations to the care and watch- fulness of the maternal character. Whether it be that infinite benevolence would requite in this form the humiliation and sorrow FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 121 arising from the priority of woman in the first transgression, even as, in unutterable con- descension, it assigned to her the exclusive parentage of our great Deliverer ; or whether it be only the result of that peculiar combi- nation of assiduity and mild forbearance by which the piety of a Christian mother is wont to be distinguished, or whether the heart yields itself with a less reluctant submission to one whose very sex forbids the competition of mere force and the exercise of physical exertion ; or whether there be in the abso- luteness of our dependence on her in the first years of life, an efficacy to win and to sub- due, when every other influence would be tried without effect ; or what other cause may be assigned, I know not; but the fact is cer- tain, that the instructions of such a mother are, in innumerable instances, productive of more valuable and permanent results than all other forms of instrumentality, and I doubt not that at the last day they will be confessed to have been rivalled in their effects only by the proclamation of the gospel and the dis- semination of the Holy Scriptures. What encouragement is thus afforded to pious : il 122 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. mothers I need not now stay to point out; but what impressive views of their responsi- bility are connected with the fact, it is of more importance to submit to your conside- ration. Allow me, therefore, to attempt its corroboration by the citation of a single tes- timony. A few years ago some gentlemen in America, who were associated in preparing for the Christian ministry, felt interested in ascertaining what proportion of their number had pious mothers. ‘They were greatly sur- prised and delighted on finding that out of one hundred and twenty students, more than a hundred had been blessed by a mother’s” prayers, and directed by a mother’s counsels to the Saviour. ‘Though some of them had broken away from all the restraints of home, and, like the prodigal son, had wandered in sin and sorrow, yet could they not forget the impressions of childhood, and each was eventually brought to Jesus, as well as proved a mother’s joy and blessing. Is it not a natural reflection what might be the probable amount of good secured through its whole extent, if every mother who had herself expe- rienced the blessings of salvation should - ~~ FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 123 ‘vigorously discharge her obligations but for the welfare of society and of the world.”’ We have said that you would find yourself opposed by all the energies of a fallen and corrupt nature in your children; for after all your care and pains-taking in teaching and managing them, they are still rebels against God till they have humbled themselves at the cross of the Redeemer, and obtained that change of heart which the Saviour teaches is essential to an entrance into the kingdom of God. However dear to you, and however amiable and lovely in their natural tempers, they are enemies of God, and unprepared for his kingdom. Of this you will find it difficult to convince them, and yet it must be done, nor will it do to let them drift on as they may, waiting for God’s own good time. Now is God’s good time, while your children are young; and although it is true that you cannot give them grace, yet it is equally true that you are God’s agent, appointed by him to help them, and encourage, and re- prove, and persuade, and lead on, step by step, till they can, with exulting heart, and joyful lips, say Abba, Father; and for this 124 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. point you must, with untiring patience, and unwearied diligence, labour: hope on, labour on; though long disappointed, still hope on, and work on, and pray on; and pray the prayer of faith, confidently expecting an an- swer of peace. And oh how much depends on this believing, praying! On this point we present an appropriate quotation from the author already referred to. «« Let it be known to our children that we have penetrated the secrets of their history, and are acquainted better than themselves with the operations they inwardly experience ; that our end and alm is the detection, first, and the expulsion, afterward, of a malignant power, which, while they feel in action, they know not how to overcome; and that, struggle as they will against us, we will never be repelled or van- quished, till by the aid of Almighty grace we witness their deliverance. But above all, let us abound in the exercise of fervent and be- heving prayer. Let aspirations mingle with our instructions, and acts of secret interces- sion with every chastisement and reproof. Let us lay fast hold of those securities which seal to the children, even through successive FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 125 generations, the blessing of the God of their fathers. Let our urgency of supplication be such as to forbid denial, and to make the di- vine veracity an inviolable guarantee for our success. I have spoken, brethren, of believing prayer—it is this we chiefly need. - On this we must chiefly rely. The lack of faith it is which entails upon us every other deficiency. We do not honour the divine fidelity, and our punishment is a universal penury of spi- ritual good. O that we could overcome that almost only obstacle; and that parents who may have tried in vain an hundred other ex- _ pedients, and are now ready to give up their _last hope, retiring this night from the sanc- tuary, humbly resolved, and confident, would strive and wrestle even with Omnipotence, with a father’s earnestness at the feet of the Almighty father. Arise, Christian parent, let tears run down like a river, give thyself no rest. Let not the apple of thine eye cease. Arise, cry out in the night, in the beginning of the watches, pour out thine heart like water before the face of the Lord. Lift up thine hands towards him for the life of thy young children. Emboldened, not by despair, but ELS 126 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. by an affection stronger than death, resolve I will not let thee go unless thou bless me. And remember it is the last triumph of mercy yielding to the force it has itself administered to utter the animating declaration, « Thy name no more shall be called Jacob, but Israel, for as a prince hast thou power with God and with man, and hast prevailed.’ ” | FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 127 CHAPTER XI. FILIAL DUTIES. Our previous chapters have been addressed principally to parents. We design now to give to our young friends a little advice in re- ference to their duties as children—a matter just as important as any thing about which we have been writing. ‘The apostle says, «¢Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right ;” and he quotes from God’s an- ' cient law, <¢ Honour thy father and thy mother that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest hive long on the earth.” We present you, therefore, with your duty, first, as obedience is required of you in earlier years; and, se- condly, as that duty extends itself to the cir- cumstances and demands of a more advanced period, when the obedience required in child- hood is not expected, and yet the obligations of filial love remain in undiminished strength. First, then, let us address ourselves to our 128 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. little friends, and to all children who are yet under the immediate control of their parents. Your duty, my young friends, is obedience. This is God’s own command, and it cannot, therefore, be wrong. God has not specially commanded parents to love their children, but this is secured in the very laws of our being. It is the general law of our nature that we love our children, and the parent who fails to do so, is regarded as a monster who sins against his own nature, and against his species. One would think, too, that it was natural for children to love their parents; yet Deity himself seems to have regarded it as more likely that children would fail of their duty, and hence he has taken special pains to secure it by positive enactment, and has thrown around it the most impressive sanc- tions. He has been pleased to put peculiar honour upon the relation of parent. The fa- ther is God’s representative, God’s deputy, so far as his own household is concerned. He has peculiarly honoured it by appropriating the title to himself; he is our Father, and de- lights to call himself by that endearing appel- lation. Obedience to parents is therefore en- FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 129 joined with special emphasis upon their chil- dren, and it is certainly a wise provision of a gracious providence, which secures to our earlier years the affectionate guardianship of beings who will be likely to feel so deep an interest in us. God has wisely ordered the existence of a system of mutual dependence, which connects the cries and helplessness of feeblest infancy, with the vigour, and strength, and wisdom, of mature age. We are none of us independent, whatever may be our strength, mentally or physically. The de- pendence of the helpless infant is at once felt, and yet is not the look, and the smile, and the prattle of childhood, just as necessary to the peace and joy of the parents? Let the answer come forth from those childless parents, whose quiet habitations are not dis- turbed by the crying or the laughter of infancy. During the earlier years of childhood, our dependence on our parents was entire; and God designs that during this period, and in fact, till the period of our majority, they shall generally choose for us, and have the right of controlling our movements. On the part of ihe child, obedience is required as essen- 130 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. tial to the unity, peace, and good ordering, of that most interesting community, the family, which must be regarded as the foun- tain whence flow the streams of good order, as it sends forth into society, men and women _ who are to build up the glorious fabric of a pure church, and an enlightened, free, and glorious republic. The character and prospects of both the church and the state may be pretty certainly conjectured from the character of the home-training and conduct of its people. If the children of the country grow up under the influence of proper training, and the principles of filial affection and obedience, we shall have, in this fact, the pledge of a loyal, intelligent, and virtuous, and noble- hearted yeomanry, in whose keeping the ark of our political and religious liberty will be inviolably secure ; for he who from childhood _ has properly respected authority, and rendered the obedience of principle to law in the com- munity of home, will rarely become a reck- less disturber of the peace, or rebel against the laws of either church or state. But the question recurs, what is meant by obeying our parents? If this question were FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 131 asked of any little boy or girl of ten years old, the answer would be promptly, it means that I must do whatever my parents bid me do, and I must avoid doing whatever they forbid. me doing. Very well, but is that all? Is the duty of obedience fully performed when I have performed the action com- manded, and avoided that which they have forbidden? Is there nothing, think you, as to the manner of performance? See that little boy when his father tells him to throw down his top or his marbles, and go on some errand, or perform some service for him; I see the little fellow as he hears the command,—he looks at his marbles, then at his playmates,— thinks it will-be a long while before he can return to his sports, and a sigh of regret almost involuntarily heaves his bosom, but nothing of it is permitted to appear; he loves his father, and with a cheerful countenance and buoyant step, he bounds away to do his father’s bidding, and returns in proper time to receive his father’s blessing, and again to mingle with his fellows in the sports of child- hood. Did you mark the look of that father as he gazed upon his dutiful and happy child, . 132 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. and pressed him to his bosom with all the yearnings of a father’s full heart? Go, ask him what it is which so delights him. Is it simply that the service commanded was per- formed ?. Not so: that was a comparatively small affair, but it was the manner, the tem- per, and spirit, in which the thing was per- formed ; this is the cause of his delight, for this is a speech directly from the principle, the heart of his child. Or take another ex- ample for illustration. See, yonder is a pretty little girl, with graceful ringlets and spark- ling eyes. See how busily she is engaged with her dolls and baby-house. In the very midst of her most delightful play, her mother calls. her—« Julia, my daughter, leave your play and your companions for an hour, and go and do thus and so for me.” Patience me! what-a cloud is on that brow! what a scowl on that countenance! Do you hear what she says? «There now, that’s just the way I am always served; whenever I get to any pretty play, they are sure to call me off; I cannot play and enjoy myself like other lit- tle girls ; wonder what’s the reason mother didn’t send a servant, or, as she saw I was FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 133 busy at play, she might have sent sister Mary; but no, I must quit all and go; I wish I was gone—I wonder who they’d call on then.”? And with such mutterings as these she goes to the performance of her, mother’s command. ‘The work is done, and she re- turns with a sullen countenance: but not to her mother’s bosom, or her mother’s blessing. Did you see the countenance of that mother, the sigh, and the look of anguish with which she contemplated her unhappy child?) Think you she was obeyed? The work commanded was accomplished, and yet there was no obe- dience because of the manner. So, you see, my dear children, God requires you to love your parents, and to yield them a prompt and cheerful obedience. How blessed, how lovely, how happy is that family in which the parents govern wisely and piously, and the children yield a cheerful and happy obedi- ence: the house will be the abode of peace and good order. But when we shall have passed the boun- daries of childhood, and shall have approxi- mated to the age of manhood, still the obliga- tions of filial affection and respect remain in 12 134 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. all their force. We are not called now to obedience after the same fashion, as in the days of childhood; but still the word of the Lord to us is, «¢ Honour thy father and thy mother.”? Do you ask how is this to be done? IT answer. You are to pay due regard to their opinions and feelings, holding them in reve- rence ; consulting their wishes, as far as prac- ticable, and treating with marked deference and respect their opinions and counsels, even where you may feel called on, sometimes, to act contrary to those views. You will be uniformly kind and affectionate in your inter- course with them. Let them constantly feel ‘that your reverence and affection for them ‘has not grown weaker as their hairs have grown gray and their countenances become wrinkled ; but that in proportion as their limbs grow feeble, and their eyes are dim, in ‘that same measure do their children cluster ‘about them, and cleave the closer to them with an affection which only the grave can extinguish. Acting under the influence of the feelings just noticed, you will avoid many things about the propriety of which you might yourselves have no doubt, but you know FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 135 it would send a pang to the heart of that venerated father or mother, to whom you will feel that you owe a debt too mighty for your whole lifetime to pay. To this obedience there is one limitation, and it may cover a very broad ground; when obedience to your parents becomes disobedience to God, then your course is plain. God’s law is of para- mount importance, and must be first regarded. Should your parents unhappily be irreligious, and require you to do what God has forbid- den, or forbid_you to do what he has com- manded, in such case their commands are of no authority; nor may we hope to excuse ourselves from obedience to God by pleading . the contrary authority of our sinning parents. Such plea will not be admitted in bar of judgment against us at the last great day of decision. Yet even in such a case as the foregoing, you are still to treat them with affectionate veneration. But your duty to them extends still further ; it becomes you to see that their evening of life is rendered as pleasant and cheerful and comfortable as you can render it. It may happen that the parents, now old, and stricken heavily by the hand of 136 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. time, are no longer able to manage their own affairs ; and the aged man hath said, «« I am uo fonger able to sustain the burden of these cares ; I will lay them all down ; I will divide my property among my children, and will spend the little balance of life among them ; I have laboured and cared for them all these many years, and now ’tis but a little while I shall be among them; surely for that little span they can afford to take care of me.”’ Now let us mark how these children receive and treat him. Is there no murmuring that one has received more than another in the division of the goods? Do you hear no hint that such an one is the favourite, and having received the largest portion may very well afford to take care of the old man? Just as if these children regard this nourishing and taking care of their parent a matter of tax— a poor vile affair of dollars and cents—like the hire of a servant! But let ws suppose a case still stronger. Perhaps the old people near life’s close are reduced to poverty, and when no longer able to labour, are thrown out upon the world, -ymeless and penryless. Do you ask what FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 137 they can do under circumstances so distress- ing? We ask in turn, have they no children? Oh yes; but God help the old people if they have to look to them for support. One of the sons loves money too well to love any thing else ; another has the will, but not the ability ; a third has both the will and ability, but his © wife is a tartar; his daughters might do it, but their husbands might regard it a burden. To be sure, the old people were once better off, and brought up these sons and daughters, and set them up in business, and gave them decent marriage portions ; but then, that was a long time ago; and besides, the old peo- ple had plenty left after all this was done, if they had only managed right, and if they had not ruined themselves by helping that prodi- gal son of theirs, that spendthrift, their young- est one, their pet. Alas! poor old people! what shall be done with you or for you? May God take you to heaven at once, for earth offers you sad cheer! Oh, Ihave some- times seen in my travels in some of the fami- lies which I have visited, things which have grieved me to my heart’s core. I have seen the aged sire, or the venerable mother, who 12* 138 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. had sought shelter for life’s closing hours in the habitation of a son or daughter, but lo! there was discontent. To be sure, their actual wants were supplied, and they were generally treated with the externals of respect ; but then there was a something in look, and tone, and manner, which seemed to say, oh, that you were safe in heaven : and the stranger can perceive it: and that aged one, too, hath noted it; and peace hath fled from his heart, and joy is not there, nor hope only, as it looks toheaven. And I have looked on such scenes not a few, and my very soul hath groaned within me; and I have gone forth with a sad heart, and have prayed that God would take those aged ones to a better place and better company. Yet all do not thus. We have often met with instances of a very different character—families in which the aged parents were treated with a becoming and affectionate respect; where they were cordially welcome, and they saw it, and felt it to be so. ‘Their children seemed rather to regard them as angels or messengers of good whom God permitted to remain in their houses, to bless their children and their grand- FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 139 children. You could see in the looks, you could hear in the words, and in the tones of the son and his wife, that they mutually felt themselves honoured and happy that they were able thus to acknowledge, even imper- fectly, the force of the obligations of filial affection; and there was joy in the old man’s heart, and there was love and blessing in his eye and upon his tongue, as he looked upon his dutiful children; and as his aged ears drank in the sounds of the happy voices of his prattling grand-children, (sweet music which God seems to have graciously adapted and designed for the comfort of the aged,) as they sport around him apparently anxious to anticipate his wants, and to render life’s evening twilight as calm,and peaceful as pos- sible. A happy house is that, for God’s blessing, rich, and full, and comforting, is there. 140 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. CHAPTER XII. FILIAL DUTIES.—CONCLUSION. WE have said that children should ask counsel from their parents, and should re- spect those counsels ; yet this is precisely the thing which our young friends, in a thousand instances, are prone to neglect. The young, in the ardour of their feelings, are very apt to regard the counsels of gray hairs as too slow paced, and as indicating a course of action but illy suited to the character of youth or early manhood. Is any thing to be enterprised ? the lips of the aged talk of too many difficulties and hazards'to be overcome and provided against. There are about their plans too much of preparation and caution, and too many whispers about the possibility of failure ; and then, worse than all, there is too close a scrutiny as to motives and princi- ples and associations and tendencies; and then, too, there is a strong spice of what is antique about all these opinions of old people, FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 141 suitable enough for former times, but the world has grown a great deal wiser since our fathers and mothers were young; and the charitable conclusion is reached, that the old folks are good, and mean well, but their opinions are scarcely appropriate for youth, in the present age of enlightenment. Now, if we are not greatly mistaken in our estimate of the signs of the times, there is among the young people of this republican country a sad want of respect for gray hairs. 'Thou- sands of our youth seem never to have dreamed that the presence of age should impose some modest restraint upon them, but, on the contrary, such occasions are dili- gently and vociferously improved, as proper occasions for the display of their juvenile superiority and contempt for all that is vene- rable and good in human character, and in the proprieties of good-breeding. Hence, in public conveyances, you are frequently an- noyed by the profane or lewd conversation and songs of these youngsters; and in the social circle you are pestered with their obtrusive behaviour. They are making per- petual efforts to shine; their unsought opi- 142 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. nions and advice are freely and unhesitatingly given on all the great topics of conversation, and given too with a tone and look and manner which seem to say, this is the age of the world’s glorious maturity, and Solomon, in all his glory and wisdom, was but a dim type of the young men of this age. Now this is all disgisting enough; but when we trace the history of these promising scions back to their parent stocks, the reason of the whole matter is fully explained. We confess we have always cherished a veneration for old people, which makes us intolerant of the conduct of those young peo- ple who treat even an aged negro with neglect or insult. God’s blessing is promised to those children who honour father and mother. He says, that it shall be well with them; and how easily can Jehovah make good this promise; through a thousand channels, unseen by us, can he make his blessings to flow in upon the soul and body and fortunes of the obedient child; and may not a large share of the happiness and tem- poral prosperity which has marked the history of some men be, to a great extent, the result FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 143 of God’s blessing upon them, in accordance with this promise; and, on the contrary, may not the unhappiness, the trouble, and misfor- tune to which some families seem to have been doomed for a long series of years, be strangely and mysteriously enough, yet not the less certainly, the legitimate result of de- spising this sacred appointment of God? But the promise of God on this subject is extend- ed-to along life. An old friend and associate of Bishop Asbury gave me the following anecdote of that venerable and apostolic man. He said, he remembered that on one occasion, long before the bishop became an old man, he heard him say, «‘I have no doubt I shall live to be an old man; God has pro- mised me that I shall ;’’? and then quoted the commandment with promise: «‘ Now,” said he, “I know that I have endeavoured to honour my parents; and I believe that I shall realize the accomplishment of the promise.” And was it not so? Who of us that had the honour of seeing him can ever forget the looks of that venerable white-haired prophet of God, as he travelled up and down through these broad lands, preaching the unsearchable 144 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. ae riches of Christ, till he had numbered more than threescore years and ten: in pain and weakness oft and long, yet still pursuing the ends of his glorious mission, God sustaining him through all, and giving him to see the full'accomplishment of that promise to which he had looked with so much confidence. And another valued friend told me that the - bishop used, as long as his mother lived, to send her annually twenty-five dollars out of the little pittance which he received as a Methodist bishop; ««My mother,” said he, ‘is not needy; she can live very well with- out it, but I wish her to know and to feel that Francis loves his mother.”” ‘This was entirely worthy of the great and good man who uttered it. | . I have known some men, and I blush to say some of them were ministers of the gos- pel, who, I am afraid, were sadly at fault here. Their parents were poor, and they were brought up in the depths of obscurity, but God converted them and called them to the ministry, and as. they were not deficient in talent, and our glorious itinerant plan afforded them both the opportunities for study * FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 145 and the excitements necessary to call those powers into action, they have risen to popu- lar distinction, and have perhaps become connected by marriage with families of the first respectability; and the devil has taken the advantage of them, and they have neglect- ed those poor, old, illiterate, and rustic parents, who lived in that cabin in the mountains or the swamp. They scarcely talk of them to their new kindred, and their visits - to their old home have been few and short, and far, very far, between; and I have noted these things on memory’s page, and have looked on for a few years, and God’s curse has withered the tree of their prosperity ; its _ leaves are fallen, and its branches dead, and the winding up of their history has been one of ruin and poverty, if not of perdition. I say again, God has put peculiar honour on this relation, and guards it with a rigid jea- lousy. I beseech you then, my young friends, take care how you pee gg or trifle with its obligations. There is one point of some delicacy, on which we may be expected to bestow a few remarks. Should children marry contrary to 13 146 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. the advice of their parents? We may only say that our discipline makes some allowance on this point, and common sense will no doubt approve the decision; but permit us to say, while some such cases may be al- lowed, yet, after a long course of observation, we have known but a few instances compara- tively of happy matches when the union was formed against the advice of a wise and pru- dent parent; and if my young friends will hear the suggestion, I will say, there is no interest or business of your life in which you will so greatly need the aid of wise and affec- * tionate and discreet friendship, as in this same thing of getting married. It is some- times pleaded on the part of children who seem to be deficient in this matter, that their ' parents are capricious and very difficult to “please. This may be true in many instances, and yet it affords no justification for your unkindness. Could you look back and read the pages of your early history, and see how much of infantile fretfulness and childish petulance and boyish caprice is found charged to the account of your first twelve years, and remember that these aged ones have been s FAMILY GOVERNMENT. t47F obliged to bear all this, and have nursed and cherished you, and loved you, notwithstand- ing all, think you it is kind for you, now that age and disease and labour and care (most of it endured for you) have bowed them down and brought them back to the imbecility of childhood, to refuse to bear for a little while with their weaknesses? Oh, for shame! humble thyself at the feet of God and thy parents, and obtain forgiveness before God’s anger against thee grow hot. What must be _ the feelings of parents who find in old age no sympathy or comfort from their children ! For them they have lived, for them they have cared, for them they have toiled, and to their affection and kindness they have looked for- ward as the sunlight which was to gild life’s closing scene; but, alas! these children have forgotten them ; ingratitude, deep and dark as hell, nestles in their hearts; and now, whither shall the parents look? All on earth is disappointment, agony, and wretchedness. And now, my young friends, permit me to sum up all I have to say to you as concisely as possible. 1st, When you are young, little boys and girls, love your parents as your 148 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. best friends; obey their commands and re- spect their advice; and if at some times they interfere with your pleasures and enjoyments in a manner which seems to you hard, re- member your parents were once exactly as old as you are; wait till your knowledge and experience of the world and its ways shall bring you to the point where they now stand, and you will probably see as they see, and long before that time you will acknowledge the wisdom of their course. And remember that he who in boyhood submits well to law, and cheerfully bears the yoke, is better pre- pared at manhood either to submit to govern- ment or to wield its sceptre. As to all this thing about being independent, and doing as I please, about which some lads talk so flip- pantly, it is all worse than nonsense; and those who begin thus are apt to end worse. Obey your parents, do it cheerfully, and let them see that you love to do it: so shall you make them joyful, and have in your own breast a happy, cheerful conscience, and when you are grown older and have to be sent away to school or college, then comes the time to show your filial affection and FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 149 gratitude. You are among strangers: new associations and new employments and cir- cumstances now surround you; the eye of that father, the voice of that mother, no longer reach you. The teachers, it may be, are prudent and pious, and they undertake to perform toward you, as far as they can, the part of parents; but, alas! their task 1s very imperfectly accomplished; the gay, the thoughtless, and the wicked, seek your acquaintance and your friendship; tempta- tion, in Protean shape and form, seeks to win you from your home-convictions and princi- ples ; these will be reprobated and denounced as afitiquated and gloomy; the cup of temp- tation will be proffered to your lips by the hand of genius, and the word of persuasive eloquence by which the faith of your early home-fireside is attempted to be uprooted may fall from the lips of wit and beauty ; you feel the force of the assault, and you are on the very verge of an abyss deep and dark and horrible. Tell me, my young friend, will you yield? Think of your childhood’s happy home ; think of the quiet, the peace, the love, and the happiness which have always dwelt 13* 150 FAMILY GOVERNMENT. within its hallowed enclosure; think of that father who has toiled, from poverty and diffi- culty, to acquire the means necessary to sus- tain and educate you, and now you are placed in the midst of advantages rich and abundant, at a cost of means which, with even the most rigid economy, will bear hea- vily on the pocket of a father whose resources are limited ; think too of that mother whose image is associated with all your earliest childish reminiscences, that mother who hovered about your pathway and your sleep- ing hours as an angel of God, whose lips taught you to say, «*Our Father which art in heaven,” who sent thee forth from the pater- nal mansion with a mother’s kiss and a mo- ther’s heart-warm blessing, who hath never ceased to think of, and pray for thee, and who, at the very hour when the serpent is attempting to coil himself around thy young heart, is bowed before the mercy-seat of the Eternal, and thy image is upon her heart, and thy name on her lips as she wrestles in ago- nizing earnestness with God in behalf of her child ;—wouldst thou have that father and mother witness the deed which thou art FAMILY GOVERNMENT. 151 tempted to commit? Would they approve the course thou art about to take? Would the tidings of thy change carry peace and joy to those loved ones? Or would it plant there the agony of disappointed hope and unre- quited love? Oh, think of this, young man, and when thou art tempted, say sternly to the tempter, Get thee behind me, Satan, for let others do as they may, as for me, I will fear God, and honour my father and mother. God and angels shall love thee for the decision, and a life of usefulness, peace, and prosperity shall attest the’ wisdom of thy course. But alas! how many of our sons fail here: they yield to temptation, give up their early prin- ciples of virtue, trifle away at least half their college terms, and spend money with a thoughtless and reckless profusion,—thus , cheating their confiding parents of time and, money,—leave the institution in disgrace, and return to their former happy parents but to grieve them, and send their gray hairs with sorrow to the grave. THE END. CN , ' IGE: a a aa vu a ee i eee 1 Be toot gibt “ pee oa at 3 a ie Sail nee ie "i He gee f ow De, 2, ily. nats) are Die a % Gh aie ae “ he) sion HAO Ht) \ Ata ae oF of Fe ; RECOMMENDATIONS OF THE MINSTREL OF ZION, AND SELECT MELODIES. From Dr. Thompson, late editor of the Ladies? Repository, and now President of Ohio Wesleyan University. “We know scarcely any thing of the science of music, and are, therefore, not capable of sitting in judgment on one depart- ment of this work [MinstreL]. Of the other department. we feel competent to judge; for we have a heart, and we know the poetry of this book moves it. Nearly all the songs are from the pen of brother Hunter, and we wonder that one who can write so charmingly should accept aid from any source. This book of songs, unlike some works of this description, is not merely fitted to arouse emotion ;—it is full of sound divinity. The ‘Serecr Me topr1es’ is from the hands of one of the authors who have com- osed the work before us; and the two works are not only. indred in character and parentage, but adapted to each other. ' This may be regarded as the supplement to that, and whoever has the former will probably desire the latter. The unprece- dented popularity of the ‘Select Melodies, in the west and south, is a sure guarantee for the rapid sale of its more mature successor,” ~ * * * * * Brother Hunter has conferred a favour upon the religious community in this production [Mrnstret]. The hymns or songs are mostly original, and his own composition. The music, we are told, is also excellent and appropriate.”— Phila. Ch. Repository. * The above works [Mrxropres and Mrnsrret] have been laid on our table by their accomplished author, our esteemed contem- porary, the editor of the ‘ Pittsburgh Christian Advocate?’ Him- Ss a 2 RECOMMENDATIONS. self a poet, none could be better qualified to furnish a tasteful and choice selection of sacred melodies for the social circle, for which these books are intended. Not being versed in the myste- ries of the gamut, we are unable to speak of the musical merits of the Minstrel, but of the poetical merits we may express an Opinion. Many of the hymns are beautiful, touching, and in- spiring, and some of the pieces of music which we have heard are of the same character. Among the pieces are the ‘ Father- land’ and the ‘Eden Above,’ which are familiar to some of our readers. They are both the composition of Mr. Hunter.”— Protestant, Unionist. * “‘SeLect Metopres.—While some contend earnestly for a re- vision of our standard Hymn-Book, and others, with perhaps ~ equally weighty reasons, contend as earnestly against it, we are glad to see so unexceptionable an edition of popular melodies brought forward without contention, in a portable, cheap form, Dy one so competent to do the subject justice as our good brother Hunter, the editor of the Pittsburgh Christian Advocate. More= over, as this edition contains ‘the best of those hymns in com- mon use,’ we pronounce it the English Vulgate edition, and all others are hereby put on the Index Expurgatorius.”—Christian Advocate and Journal. AAS _ “MINSTREL OF ZIoN.—* * * * *A very neat volume of religious poetry set to music. The most of the poetry is from the pen of the Rev. W. Hunter, who has established for himself a fair reputation as a very respectable poet, particularly in the line of religious hymns. Many of his pieces will compare favour ably with those of Watts and Wesley and Heber. They are re- markable for smoothness of versification and brilliant imagery. Mr. WAKEFIELD, who has set this poetry to music, is a well- — known, and, we may say, a veteran musician, having published a great many works, which have had a large sale. This is the most interesting work for singers, in private and religious cir- cles, and by the family fireside, we have ever seen, and we pre- dict for it an extensive sale.” —Pittsburgh Daily Gazette. IncipEnt connected with the close of the Tennessee M. E. Con- ference, 1844. * * * * * «The closing scene was the most impressive and overpowering occasion we ever witnessed. God was in our midst, and every soul felt it was good to be there. After a very impressive and affectionate address from the Bishop, an address RECOMMENDATIONS. 3 which we trust no minister present will ever forget, and just be- fore he proceeded to read the appointments, the brethren sang, in most delightful strains, the following beautiful lines composed by the Rev. Wm. Hunter, on the dying words of the Rev. Thomas Drummond, who ‘ fell covered with glory’ in the city of St. Louis, a few years since. Said he, ‘ Tell my brethren of the Pittsburgh Conference, that I died at my post.’ “ Away from his home and the friends of his youth, He hasted, the herald of mercy and truth: For the love of his Lord, and to seek for the lost; Soon, alas! was his fall,—but he died at his post,* &c. * Every heart was melted, and a hundred voices responded, We'll die at our post?” The aged brethren seemed.to put on the strength and vigour of youth, and the young brethren were in- spired with the courage and firmness of the old soldiers of the cross. Oh, it was a time of power and great glory! One of the most interesting incidents of the occasion transpired just at the front of the altar. There sat a beloved young minister, and a few seats back sat his widowed mother. He is a sweet singer, and as his voice mingled with the song of the multitude, tears of « joy ran down his smooth face: his mother, in the fullness of her soul, flew to him, and clasping him in the arms of affection, said, ‘My son, die at \your post!’ His heaving bosom responded in emotions almost too big for utterance, ‘My mother, by the grace of God I will die at my post! "—South Western Ch. Advocate. Rev. W. HuntER:— I have carefully examined the “ Minstrel of Zion,” and think it entitled to a much higher place in the department of music than you have assigned to it. It is well adapted to the social circle, and I can cheerfully recommend it to all the lovers of sacred music. S. McKINLEY, Pittsburgh, 1846. Pres. Mus. Academy, Pittsburgh. Rev. W. HunTER:— The music in the “Minstrel of Zion” is a farther evidence of Rev. 8. Wakefield’s skill in the science. This little work cannot fail to commend itself to the social meeting and to all the lovers of good music. Itis well adapted to the poetry, and as such I recommend it. L. P. LINCOLN, Prof. Music in the Musical Academy, Pittsburgh. Pitisburgh, Jan., 1846. * See Minstrel, p. 176. Melodies, p. 295. & RECOMMENDATIONS. “This work [Mrystret or Zton] has been before the pubtic some months. The poetical abilities of brother Hunter, and the musical abilities of brother Wakefield, are well known in our church ; and to say, that the work contains some excellent poetry and some fine music, would be only saying what our readers would expect us to say. Though most of the pieces are original, which reflect great credit on the talents of the authors, there are also numbers of admirable selections, both in poetry and music. The work is neatly printed. The music is in the patent notes. “We cordially recommend the production to the patronage of our readers, Hopuies at the same time, if they are not yet in pos- session of a Church Hymn-Book, they will procure the latter when they buy the former. For sale at the Methodist Book Con- cern in this city.”"—West Ch. Advocate. Many other notices from newspapers might be added, but these are deemed sufficient. é The “SrLect MELopIEs” - are | published by Swormstedt, & Mitchell, Cincinnati, Ohio, and by Sorin 4 Ball, Philadelphia, Pa. - + Pa ae ete hile ee