UNIVERSITY OF NORTH CAROLINA BOOK CARD Please keep this card in book pocket ! ' £ , i s : I S I 5 [ i 5 !S CI I s I 5 E23 THE LIBRARY OF THE UNIVERSITY OF NORTH CAROLINA ENDOWED BY THE DIALECTIC AND PHILANTHROPIC SOCIETIES PRU88U .A 1 1897 v. 13 UNIVERSITY OF N.C. AT CHAPEL HILL 00014437898 This book is due at the LOUIS R. WILSON LIBRARY on the last date stamped under "Date Due." If not on hold it may be renewed by bringing it to the library. du"e E ret DATE DUE COPYRIGHT EDITION THE NOVELS OF CHARLES LEVER VOLUME XIII Digitized by the Internet Archive in 2012 with funding from University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill http://archive.org/details/confessionsofcon13leve al'S'W^ 1! v\ T' y; Con and the Marches a. M^ €iT^ •) ^ ^v^&s €W:&Rgg*| Downey and Company, Limited THE NOVELS OF CHARLES LEVER Edited by his Daughter THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN 28 ETCHINGS AND OTHER ILLUSTRATIONS BY PHIZ LONDON DOWNEY AND CO., LIMITED 12 YORK ST. COVENT GARDEN 1898 This Edition is limited to 1000 copies for sale in Great Britain and the United States. EDINBURGH : T. and A. CONSTABLE, Printers to Her Majesty BIBLIOGRAPHICAL NOTE ' The Confessions of Con Cregan ' ivas originally issued in fourteen monthly .g with us, and never u know what a junior broi 'Seldon the Curragh hed a nam ailor,' ter at we had ride by a ■ #: o CON CREGAN 41 building of gloomy exterior, and on the other by an angle of the square. ' Here we are, Mr. Cregan ; as the poet says, " this is the place, the centre of the wood." ' ' Gentlemen sponsors, to your functions ! ' Scarce were the words out, when I was seized by above half-a-dozen pair of strong hands ; my legs were suddenly jerked upwards, and, notwithstanding my attempts to resist, I was borne along for some yards at a brisk pace. I was already about to forbear my struggles, and suffer them to play their — as I deemed it — harmless joke in quiet, when straight in front of me I saw an enormous pump, at which, and by a double handle, Burton and another were working away like sailors on a wreck, throwing forth, above a yard off, a jet of water almost enough to turn a miU. The whole plot now revealed itself to me at once, and I commenced a series of kickings and plungings that almost left me free. My enemies, however, were too many and too powerful ; on they bore me, and in a perfect storm of blows, lunges, writhings, and boundings, they held me fast under the stream, which played away in a frothy current over my head, face, chest, and legs — for, with a most laudable impartiality, they moved me from side to side, till not a dry spot remained on my whole body. I shouted, I yelled, I swore, and screamed for aid, but all in vain ; and my diabolical tormentors seemed to feel no touch of weariness in their inhuman pastime ; while I, exhausted by my struggles, and the continual rush of the falling water, almost ceased to resist ; when suddenly a cry of ' The Dean ! the Dean ! ' was heard. My bearers let go their hold — down I tumbled upon the flags, with barely consciousness enough to see the scampering crew flying in all directions, while a host of porters followed them in hot pursuit. ' Who are you, sir ? What brought you here ? ' said a tall old gentleman I at once surmised to be the Dean. 42 THE CONFESSIONS OF ' The devil himself, I believe ! ' replied I, rising with difficulty under the weight of my soaked garments. 1 Turn him outside the gates, Hawkins ! ' said the Dean to a porter behind him. ' Take care, too, he never re-enters them.' ' I '11 take good care of it, sir,' said the fellow, as with one strong hand on my collar, and the closed fingers of the other administering gentle admonitions to the back of my head, he proceeded to march me before him through the square; revolving as I went thoughts, which, certes, evinced not one sentiment of gratitude to the learned university. My college career was, therefore, more brief than brilliant, for I was ' expelled ' on the very same day that I ' entered.' With the ' world before me where to choose,' I stepped out into the classic precincts of College Green, fully assured of one fact, that ' Town ' could scarcely treat me more harshly than ' Grown.' I felt, too, that I had passed through a kind of ordeal ; that my ducking, like the ceremonies on crossing the line, was a kind of masonic ordinance, indispensable to my opening career; and that thus I had got successfully through one at least of my ' trials.' A species of filial instinct suggested to me the propriety of seeing Newgate, where my father lay, awaiting the arrival of the convict ship that was to convey him to Van Diemen's Land ; and thither I accordingly repaired, not to enter, but simply to gaze, with a very awestruck imagina- tion, upon that double-barred cage of human ferocity and crime. In itself the circumstance has nothing worthy of record, nor should I mention it, save that to the deep impression of that morning do I owe a certain shrinking horror of all great crime ; that impression has been of incalculable benefit to me through life. I strained my eyes to mark if, amid the faces closely CON CREGAN 43 pressed against the strong bars, I could recognise that of my parent, but in vain ; there was a terrible sameness in their features, as if the individual had sunk in the criminal, that left all discrimination difficult ; and so I turned away, satisfied that I had done a son's part most completely. A PEEP AT 'HIGH AND LOW COMPANY I have often heard it observed, that one has as little to do with the choice of his mode of life as with the name he receives at baptism. I rather incline to the opinion that this is true. My own very varied and somewhat dissimilar occupations were certainly far less the result of any pre- conceived plan or scheme than the mere ' turn-up ' of the rolling die of Fortune. It was while revolving a species of fatalism in this wise, and calmly assuring myself that I was not born to be 44 THE CONFESSIONS OF starved, that I strolled along Merrion Square on the same afternoon of my expulsion from Trinity and visit to Newgate. There were brilliant equipages, cavaliers, and ladies on horseback ; handsome houses, with balconies often thronged by attractive-looking occupants ; and vast crowds of gaily dressed persons promenaded within the square itself, where a military band performed ; in fact, there was more than enough to interest and amuse one of higher pretensions in the scale of pleasure than myself. While I was thus gazing on this brilliant panorama of the outdoor life of a great city, and wondering and guess- ing what precise object thus brought people together — for no feature of a market, or a fair, or any festive occupation solved the difficulty — I was struck by a class of characters who seemed to play the subordinate parts of the drama — a set of ragged, ill-fed, half-starved boys, who followed in crowds each new arrival on horseback, and eagerly sought permission to hold his horse when he dismounted; the contrast of these mangy-looking attendants to the glossy- coated and handsomely caparisoned steeds they led about being too remarkable to escape notice. Although a very fierce rivalry prevailed amongst them, they seemed a species of organised guild, who constituted a distinct walk in life, and indignantly resented the attempt of some two or three 'voluntaries' who showed a wish to join the fraternity. I sat against the rails of the square, studying with some curiosity little details of their etiquette, and their strange conventionalities. A regular corps of them stood in front of me, canvassing with all the eager volubility of their craft for the possession of a handsome thoroughbred pony, from which a young officer, in a cavalry undress, was about to dismount. ' I 'm your own boy, captain ! I 'm Tim, sir ! ' cried one, with a leer of most familiar intimacy. ''Tis me towld you about Miss 0' Grady, sir,' shouted another, preferring another and stronger claim. CON CREGAN 45 ' I 'm the boy caught your mare the day you was thrown, captain ! ' insinuated a third, exhibiting a want of tact in the reminiscence that drew down many a scoff upon him from his fellows ; for these ragged and starving curs had a most lively sense of the use of flattery. ' Off with you !— stand off ! ' said the young dragoon, in a threatening tone, ' let that fellow take my mare ' ; and he pointed to me, as I sat a patient but unconcerned spectator of the scene. Had a medical consultation been suddenly set aside on the eve of a great surgical operation, and the 'knife' committed to the unpractised hand of a new bystander, the breach of etiquette and the surprise could scarce have been greater. The gang stared at me with most undisguised contempt, and a perfect volley of abuse and irony followed me as I hastened to obey the summons. It has been very often my fortune in life to take a position for which I neither had submitted to the usual probationary study, nor possessed the necessary acquire- ment ; but I believe this my first step in the very humble walk of a ' horse-boy ' gave me more pain than ever did any subsequent one. The criticisms on my dress, my walk, my country look, my very shoes — my critics wore none— were all poignant and bitter ; and I verily believe, such is the force of ridicule, I should have preferred the rags and squalor of the initiated, at that moment, to the warm grey frieze and blue worsted stockings of my country costume. I listened attentively to the young officer's directions how I was to walk his mare, and where ; and then assuming a degree of indifference to sarcasm I was far from feel- ing, moved away from the spot in sombre dignity. The captain — the title is generic — was absent about an hour; and when he returned seemed so well pleased with my strict obedience to his orders, that he gave me a shilling, and desired me to be punctually at the same hour and the same place on the day following. 46 THE CONFESSIONS OF It was now dark ; the lamplighter had begun his rounds, and I was just congratulating myself that I should escape my persecutors, when I saw them approaching in a body. In an instant I was surrounded, and assailed with a torrent of questions, as to who I was — where I came from — what brought me there — and lastly, and with more eagerness than all besides — what did ' the captain ' give me ? As I answered this query first, the others were not pressed ; and it being voted that I should expend the money on the fraternity, by way of entrance-fee, or, as they termed it, ' paying my footing,' away we set in a body to a distant part of the town, remote from all its better and more spacious thoroughfares, and among a chaos of lanes and alleys, called the 'Liberties.' If the title were conferred for the excessive and unlimited freedoms permitted to the inhabitants, it was no misnomer. On my very entrance into it I perceived the perfect free-and-easy tone which prevailed. A dense tide of population thronged the close, confined passages — mostly hodmen, bricklayers' labourers, and scavengers, with old clothesmen, beggars, and others whose rollicking air and daring look bespoke more hazardous modes of life. My companions wended their way through the dense throng like practised travellers, often cutting off an angle by a dive through the two doors of a whisky-shop, and occasionally making a great short -cut by penetrating through a house and the court behind it — little exploits in geography expiated by a volley of curses from the occu- pants, and sometimes an admonitory brickbat in addition. The uniform good temper they exhibited ; the easy freedom with which they submitted to the rather rough jocularities of the passers-by — the usual salute being a smart slap on the crown of the head, administered by the handicraft tool of the individual, and this sometimes being an iron trowel, or a slater's hammer — could not but exalt them in my esteem as the most patient set of varlets I had CON CREGAN 47 ever sojourned with. To my question as to why we were going so far, and whither our journey tended, I got for answer the one short reply — 'We must go to " ould Betty's." ' Now as I would willingly spare as much of this period's recital to my reader as I can, I will content myself with stating that ' ould Betty,' or Betty Cobbe, was an old lady who kept a species of ordinary for the unclaimed youth of Dublin. They were fed and educated at her seminary — the washing cost little, and they were certainly ' done ' for at the very smallest cost, and in the most remarkably brief space of time. If ever these faint memorials of a life should be read in a certain far-off land, more than one settler in the distant bush, more than one angler in the dull stream of Swan River, will confess how many of his first sharp notions of life and manners were imbibed from the training nurture of Mrs. Elizabeth Cobbe. Betty's proceedings, for some years before I had the honour and felicity of her acquaintance, had attracted towards her the attention of the authorities. The Colonial Secretary had possibly grown jealous ; for she had been pushing emigration to Norfolk Island on a far wider scale than ever a Cabinet dreamed of ; and thus had she acquired what, in the polite language of our neighbours, is phrased the ' Surveillance of the Police ' — a watchful superintendence and anxious protectorate, for which, I grieve to say, she evinced the very reverse of gratitude. Betty had, in consequence, and in requirement with the spirit of the times — the most capricious spirit that ever vexed plain old-fashioned mortals — reformed her establishment ; and from having opened her doors, as before, to what, in the language of East Indian advertise- ments, are called 'a few spirited young men,' she had fallen down to that small fry who, in various disguises of vagrancy and vagabondage, invest the highways of a capital. By these disciples she was revered and venerated ; their 48 THE CONFESSIONS OF devotion was the compensation for the world's neglect, and so she felt it. To train them up with a due regard to the faults and follies of their better-endowed neighbours was her aim and object, and to such teaching her know- ledge of Dublin life and people largely contributed. Her original walk had been minstrelsy; she was the famous ballad-singer of Drogheda Street, in the year of the rebellion of '98. She had been half-a-dozen times imprisoned — some said that she had even visited 1 Beresford's riding-school,' where the knout was in daily practice, but this is not so clear — certain it is, both her songs and sympathy had always been on the patriotic side. She was the terror of Protestant ascendency for many a year long. Like Homer, she sang her own verses ; or, if they were made for her, the secret of the authorship was never divulged. For several years previous to the time I now speak of, she had abandoned the Muses — save on some special and striking occasions, when she would come before the world with some lyric, which, however, did little more than bear the name of its once famed composer. So much for the past. Now to the present history of Betty Cobbe. In a large unceilinged room, with a great fire blazing on the hearth, over which a huge pot of potatoes was boiling, sat Betty in a straw chair. She was evidently very old, as her snow-white hair and lustreless eye bespoke ; but the fire of a truculent, unyielding spirit still warmed her blood, and the sharp ringing voice told that she was decided to wrestle for existence to the last, and would never ' give in ' until fairly conquered. Betty's chair was the only one in the chamber ; the rest of the company disposed themselves classically in the re- cumbent posture, or sat, like primitive Christians, cross- legged. A long deal table, sparingly provided with wooden plates and a few spoons, occupied the middle of the room, and round the walls were several small bundles of straw, CON CREGAN 49 which I soon learned were the property of private individuals. ' Come along, till I show you to ould Betty,' said one of the varlets to me, as he pushed his way through the crowded room ; for already several other gangs had arrived, and were exchanging recognitions. 'She's in a sweet temper, this evening,' whispered another, as we passed. ' The polis was here a while ago, and took up " Denny White," and threatened to break up the whole establishment.' ' The devil a thing at all they '11 lave us of our institu- shuns,' said a bow-legged little blackguard, with the Evening Freeman written round his hat — for he was an attache of that journal. ' Ould Betty was crying all the evening,' said the former speaker. By this time we had gained the side of the fire- place where the old lady sat. ' Mother ! mother, I say ! ' cried my guide, touching her elbow gently ; then stooping to her ear, he added, ' Mother Betty!' ' Eh ! Who 's callin' me ? ' said the hag, with her hand aloft. ' I 'm here, my lord, neither ashamed nor af eard to say my name.' ' She 's wanderin,' cried another ; ' she thinks she 's in coort.' 1 Betty Cobbe ! I say. It 's me ! ' said my introducer, once more. The old woman turned fiercely round, and her dimmed and glassy eyes, bloodshot from excess and passion, seemed to flare up into an angry gleam, as she said, ' You dirty thief ! is it you that 's turnin' informer agin me — you that I took up out of yer mother's arms, in Green Street, when she fainted at the cutting down of yer father? Your father,' added she, ' that murdered old Meredith ! ' The boy, a hardened and bold-featured fellow, became lividly pale, but never spoke. ' Yes, my lord,' continued she, still following the theme 13 D 50 THE CONFESSIONS OF of her own wild fancies; 'it's James Butterley's boy! Butterley that was hanged!' and she shook and rocked with a fiendish exultation at the exposure. ' Many of us doesn't know what bekem of our fathers ! ' said a sly-looking, old-fashioned creature, whose height scarcely exceeded two feet, although evidently near man- hood in point of age. • Who was yours, Mickey ? ' cried one imp. ' And yours ? ' said another, dragging me forward directly in front of Betty. ' Con Cregan, of Kilbeggan,' said I boldly. ' Success to you, ma bouchal ! ' said the old hag ; ' and so you 're a son of Con, the informer ? ' She looked sternly at me for a few seconds, and then in a slower and more deliberate tone added, ' I 'm forty years, last Lady Day, living this way, and keepin' company with all sorts of thieves, and rogues, and blaguards, and worse — ay, far worse besides ; but may I never see Glory if an informer, or his brat, was under the roof afore ! ' The steadfast decision of look and voice as she spoke seemed to impress the bystanders, who fell back and gazed at me with that kind of shrinking terror which honest people sometimes exhibit at the contact of a criminal. During the pause of some seconds, while this endured, my sense of abject debasement was at the very lowest. To be the Pariah of such a society was indeed a most distinctive infamy. 'Are you ashamed of yer father? tell me that!' cried the hag, shaking me roughly by one shoulder. 'It is not here, and before the like of these,' said I, looking round at the ragged, unwashed assemblage, ' that I should feel shame ! or if I did, it is to find myself among them ! ' ' That 's my boy ! that 's my own spirited boy ! ' cried the old woman, dragging me towards her. 'Faix, I seen the time we'd have made somethin' out of you. Howld yer tongues, ye vagabonds; the child 's right — ye 're a dirty mean CON CREGAN 51 crew! Them!' said she, pointing to me; 'them was the kind of chaps I used to have long ago, that wasn't afeared of all the Beresfords, and Major Sirr, and the rest of them. Singing every night on Carlisle Bridge, "The wearin' of the Green," or "Tra-lal-la, the French is coming"; and when they wor big and grown men, ready and willing to turn out for ould Ireland. Can you read, avick ? ' ' Yes, and write,' answered I proudly. ' To be sure you can,' muttered she, half to herself ; ' is it an informer's child — not know the first rules of his trade ! ' ' Tare-an'-ages, mother!' cried out the decrepit imp called Mickey ; ' we 're starvin' for the meat ! ' ' Sarve it up ! ' shouted the hag, with a voice of command ; and she gave three knocks with her crutch on the corner of the table. Never was command more promptly obeyed. A savoury mess of that smoking compound, called 'Irish stew,' was ladled out on the trenchers, and speedily disposed around the table, which at once was surrounded by the guests — a place being made for myself by an admonitory stroke of Betty's crutch on the red head of a very hungry juvenile, who had jostled me in his anxiety to get near the table. Our meal had scarcely drawn to its close, when the plates were removed, and preparations made for a new party ; nor had I time to ask the reason, when a noisy buzz of voices without announced the coming of a numerous throng. In an instant they entered ; a number of girls, of every age, from mere child to womanhood — a ragged, tattered, reckless-looking set of creatures, whose wild high spirits not even direct poverty could subdue. While some exchanged greetings with their friends of the other sex, others advanced to talk to Betty, or stood to warm them- selves around the fire, until their supper, a similar one to our own, was got ready. My curiosity as to whence they came in such a body was satisfied by learning that they were employed at the 'Mendicity Institution' during the day, and set free at nightfall to follow the bent of their 52 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN own, not over well-regulated, tastes. These creatures were the ballad-singers of the city ; and sometimes alone, sometimes in company with one of the boys, they were wont to take their stand in some public throughfare, not only the character of the singer, but the poetry itself taking the tone of the street ; so that while some daring bit of town scandal caught the ears of College Green, a ' bloody murder,' or a ' dying speech,' formed the attraction of Thomas Street and the ' Poddle.' Many years afterwards, in the chequered page of my existence, when I have sat at lordly tables and listened to the sharpened wit and polished raillery of the high-born and the gifted, my mind has often reverted to that beggar- horde, and thought how readily the cutting jest was answered, how soon repartee followed attack — what quaint fancies, what droll conceits passed through those brains, where one would have deemed there was no room for ought save brooding guilt and sad repining ! As night closed in, the assembly broke up ; some issued forth to their stations as ballad-singers; some in pure vagabond spirit to stroll about the streets ; while others, of whom I was one, lay down upon the straw to sleep, without a dream, till daylight. ' VIEWS OF LIFE ' 'HEN I woke the next morning, it was a few minutes before I could thoroughly remember where I was, and how I came there ; my next thought was the grateful one that if the calling "was not a very ex- alted one, I had at least secured a mode of living, and that my natural acuteness, and better still, my fixed resolve within me ' to get forward in the world,' would not permit me to pass my days in the ignoble craft of a horse-boy. I found that the 'walk,' like every other career, had certain guiding rules and principles by which it was regulated. Not only were certain parts of the town 54 THE CONFESSIONS OF interdicted to certain gangs, but it was a recognised rule that when a particular boy was singled out, habitually, by any gentleman, that no other should endeavour to supplant him. This was the less difficult, as a perfect community of property was the rule of the order ; and all moneys were each night committed to the charge of old Betty, with a scrupulous fidelity that would have shamed many a joint-stock company. The regular etiquette required that each youth should begin his career on the north side of the city, where the class of horsemen was of a less distinguished order, and the fees proportionably lower. Thence he was promoted to the Four Courts ; from which, as the highest stage, he arrived at Merrion Square and its neighbourhood. Here the visitors were either the young officers of the garrison, the Castle officials, or a wealthy class of country gentlemen, all of whom gave sixpences ; while, in the cold quarter of northern Dublin, pennypieces were the only currency. If the public differed in these three places, so did the claims of the aspirant — a grave, quiet, almost sombre look being the grand qualification in the one ; while an air of daring effrontery was the best recommendation in the other. For while the master in chancery or the ' six clerk ' would only commit his bob-tailed pony to a discreet-faced varlet of grave exterior, the dashing aide-de-camp on his thoroughbred singled out the wild imp with roguish eye and flowing hair, that kept up with him from the barrack in a sharp canter, and actually dived under a carriage-pole, and upset an apple-stall, to be ' up ' in time to wait on him, and while yet breathless and blown, was ready with voluble tongue to give him the current news of the neighbourhood — who was in the square, or out dining; who had arrived, or why they were absent. To do this task with dexterity and tact was the crowning feature of the craft, and in such hasty journalism some attained a high proficiency — seasoning their scandal with sly bits of drollery, or quaint allusions to the current topics of the CON CREGAN 55 day. To succeed in this, it was necessary to know the leading characters of the town, and the circumstances of their private history ; and these I set myself to learn with the assiduity of a study. Never did a Bath Master of the Ceremonies devote himself more ardently to the investiga- tion of the faults and foibles of his company — never did young lady, before coming out, more patiently pore over Debrett, than did I pursue my researches into Dublin life and manners ; until at last, what between oral evidence and shrewd observation, I had a key to the secret mysteries of nearly every well-known house in the city. None like me to explain why the father of the dashing family in Stephen's Green only appeared of a Sunday ; how the blinds of No. 18 were always drawn down at three o'clock ; and what meant the hackney-coach at the canal bridge every Thursday afternoon. From the gentleman that always wore a geranium leaf in his coat, to the lady who dropped her glove in the square, I knew them all. Nor was it merely that I possessed the knowledge, but I made it to be felt. I did not hoard my wealth like a miser, but I came forth like a great capitalist to stimulate enter- prise and encourage credit. Had I been a malicious spirit, there is no saying what amount of mischief I might have worked — what discoveries anticipated — what awkward meetings effected. I was, however, what the French call a bon diable, and most generously took the side of the poor sinner against the strong spirit of right. How many a poor subaltern had been put in arrest for wearing ' mufti,' had I not been there to apprise him the town- major White was coming. How often have I saved a poor college-man from a heavy fine, who, with his name on the sick-list, was flirting in the square. How have I hastened, at the risk of my neck, between crashing carriages and prancing horses, to announce to a fair lady lounging in her britzska that the counsellor, her husband, was unex- pectedly returning from court an hour earlier than his wont. I have rescued sons from fathers, daughters from 56 THE CONFESSIONS OF mothers ; the pupil from his guardian, the debtor from his creditor — in a word, I was a kind of ragged guardian angel, who watched over the peccadillos of the capital. My amour propre — if such an expression of such a quality may be conceded to one like me — was interested in the cause of all who did wrong. I was the Quixote of all deceivers. With ' Con on the lookout,' none feared surprise ; and while my shrewdness was known to be first-rate, my honesty was alike unimpeachable. It may readily be believed how, with acquirements and talents like these, I no longer pursued the humble walk of horse - holder ; indeed, I rarely touched a bridle, or if I did so, it was only to account for my presence in such localities as I might need an excuse to loiter in. I was at the head of my profession ; and the ordinary salutation of the cavaliers, ' Con, get me a fellow to hold this mare,' showed that none presumed to expect the ignoble service at my own hands. To some two or three of my early patrons, men who had noticed me in my obscurity, I would still condescend to yield this attention — a degree of grateful acknowledg- ment on my part which they always rewarded most handsomely. Among these was the young officer whose pony I had held on the first night of my arrival. He was an Honourable Captain De Courcy, very well-looking, well-mannered, and very poor — member of the Com- mander-in-Chief's Staff, who eked out his life by the aid of his noble birth and his wits together. At the time I speak of, his visits to Merrion Square were devoted to the cause of a certain Mrs. Mansergh, the young and beautiful wife of an old, red-faced, foul- mouthed Queen's Counsel, at least forty years her senior. The scandal was, that her origin had been of the very humblest, and that, seen by accident on circuit, she had caught the fancy of the old lawyer, a well-known con- noisseur in female beauty. However that might be, she CON CREGAN 57 was now about two years married, and already recognised as the reigning beauty of the viceregal court and the capital. The circumstances of her history, her low origin, her beauty, and the bold game she played — all invested her with a great interest in my eyes. I used to flatter myself that there was a kind of similarity in at least our early fortunes ; and I enlisted myself in her cause with an ardour that I could not explain to myself. How often, as she passed in her splendid barouche — the best-appointed and handsomest equipage of the capital — have I watched her, as, "wrapped in her Cashmere, she reclined in all the voluptuous indolence of her queenly state, glorying to think that she — she, whose proud glance scarce noticed the obsequious throng that bowed with uncovered heads around her — was, perhaps, not better nurtured than myself. Far from envious jealousy at her better fortune, I exulted in it ; she was a kind of beacon set on a hill to guide and cheer me. I remember well, it was an actual triumph to me one day, as the Viceroy, a gay and dashing nobleman, not over-scrupulous where the claim of beauty was present, stopped, with all his glittering staff, beside her carriage, and in playful raillery began to chide her for being absent from the last drawing-room. ' We missed you sadly, Mrs. Mansergh,' said he, smiling his most seductive smile. 'Pray tell my friend Mansergh that he shows himself a most lukewarm supporter of the Government, who denies us the fairest smiles of the capital.' ' In truth, my lord, he would not give me a new train, and I refused to wear the old one,' said she, laughing. 'Downright disloyalty, upon my honour,' said the Viceroy, with well-got-up gravity. ' Don't you think so, my lord ? ' rejoined she ; ' so I even told him that I 'd represent the case to your Excellency, who, I 'm sure, would not refuse a velvet robe to the wife, while you gave a silk gown to the husband.' ' It will be the very proudest of my poor prerogatives,' 58 THE CONFESSIONS OF said he, bowing, while a flash of crimson lit up his pleased features. ' Your favourite colour is ' ' I should like to wear your lordship's,' said she, with a look the most finished coquette might envy, so admirably blended were trust and timid bashfulness. What he replied I could not catch. There was a flatter- ing courtesy, however, in his smile, and in the familiar motion of the hand with which he bade good-bye, that were enough to show me that he, the haughty mirror of his sovereign, did not think it beneath him to bandy compliments and exchange soft looks with the once humble beauty. From that time out my whole thoughts day and night were centred in her; and I have passed hours long, fancying all the possible fortunes for which destiny might intend her. It seemed to me as though she was piloting out the course for me in life, and that her success was the earnest of my own. Often when a ball or a great reception was given by her, have I sat, cold, shivering, and hungry, opposite the house, watching with thrilling interest all the equipages as they came, and hearing the high and titled names called aloud by the servants, and thinking to myself, ' Such are her associates noiv. These great and haughty personages are here to do honour to her, their lovely hostess ; and she, but a few years back, if report spoke truly, was scarcely better off than I was — I — myself.' Only they who have a sanguine, hopeful temperament will be able to understand how the poor, houseless, friend- less boy — the outcast of the world — the convict's child — could ever dare to indulge in such daydreams of future greatness. But I had set the goal before my eyes — the intermediate steps to it I left to fortune. The noble bear- ing and polished graces of the high and wealthy, which to my humble associates seemed the actual birthright of the great, I perceived could all be acquired. There was no prescriptive claim in any class to the manners of high breeding; and why should not I, if fortune favoured, be CON CREGAN 59 as good a gentleman as the best? In other particulars, all that I had observed showed me no wondrous dis- similarity of true feeling in the two classes. The gentle- man, to be sure, did not swear, like the common fellow; but on the racecourse or the betting-ground I had seen, to the full, as much deceit as ever I witnessed in my own order. There was faithlessness beneath Valenciennes lace and velvet as well as beneath brown stuff and check ; and a spirit of backbiting, that we ragged folk knew nothing of, seemed a current pastime in better circles. What, then, should debar me from that class ? Not the manners, which I could feign, nor the vices, which I could feel. To be like them, was only to be of them — such, at least, was then my conviction and my theory. Any one who will take the pains to reflect on and analyse the mode of thinking I have here mentioned will see how necessarily it tends rather to depress those above than to elevate those beneath. I did not purpose to myself any education in high and noble sentiments, but simply the performance of a part which I deemed easy to assume. The result soon began to tell. I felt a degree of contemptu- ous hatred for the very persons I had once revered as almost demigods. I no longer looked up to the 'gentleman' as such by right divine, but by accident ; and I fostered the feeling by the writings of every radical newspaper I could come at. All the levelling doctrines of socialism — all the plausibilities of equality — became as great truths to me ; and I found a most ready aptitude in my mind to square the fruits of my personal observations to these pleasant theories. The one question recurred every morning as I arose, and remained unanswered each night as I lay down, ' Why should I hold a horse, and why should another man ride one ? ' I suppose the difficulty has puzzled wiser heads ; indeed, since I mooted it to myself, it has caused some trouble in the world ; nor, writing now as I do in the year of grace '48, do I suppose the question is yet answered. 60 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN I have dwelt perhaps too long on this exposition of my feelings ; but as my subsequent life was one of far more action than reflection, the indulgent reader will pardon the prosiness, not simply as explaining the history which follows, but also as affording a small breathing-space in a career where there were few halts. I have said that I began to conceive a great grudge against all who were well-off in life, and against none did I indulge this aversion more strongly than ' the captain,' my first patron — almost my only one. Though he had always employed me — and none ever approached him save myself — he had never condescended to the slightest act of recognition beyond the tap on my head with his gold- mounted whip, and a significant nod where to lead his pony. No sign of his, no look, no gesture, ever confessed to the fact that I was a creature of his own species, that I had had a share in the great firm which, under the name of Adam and Co., has traded so long and industriously. If I were sick, or cold, or hungry, it mattered not — my cheek might be sunk with want or care — my rags might drip with rain, or freeze with sleet — he never noticed them ; yet if the wind played too roughly with his Arab's mane, or the silky tasselled tail, he saw it at once. If her coat stirred with the chill breeze, he would pat and pet her. It was evident enough which had the better existence. If these thoughts chafed and angered me at first, at least they served to animate and rouse my spirit. He who wants to rise in life must feel the sharp spur of a wrong — there is nothing like it to give vigour and energy to his motions. When I came to this conclusion, I did not wait long to put the feeling into action ; and it was thus — but a new chapter of my life deserves a new chapter of my history. (glK)&[P> c ?I& WDD. A BOLD STROKE FOR AN OPEN- ING IN THE WORLD S regular as the day itself did I wait at the corner of Merrion Square, at three o'clock, the arrival of Captain De Courcy, who was always punctual ; indeed, the clatter of the pony's hoofs, as he cantered along, usually announced the striking of the post-office clock. To dismount, and fling me the bridle, with a short nod of the head in the direction he wished me to walk the animal, was the extent of recognition ever vouchsafed me ; and as I never ventured upon even a word with him, our 62 THE CONFESSIONS OF intercourse was of the simplest possible kind. There was an impassive quietude about his pale cold features that awed me. I never saw him smile but once ; it was when the mare seized me by the shoulder, and tore with her teeth a great piece of my ragged coat away. Then, indeed, he did vouchsafe to give a faint, listless smile, as he said to his pampered nag, ' Fie, fie ! What a dirty feeder you are ! ' Very little notice on his part — the merest act of recogni- tion, a look, a monosyllable, would have been enough to satisfy me — anything, in short, which might acknowledge that we were part of the same great chain, no matter how many links might lie between us. After three hours of a cold wait, on a rainy and dreary afternoon, the only solace to my hunger being the imaginative one of reflecting on the pleasure of those happy mortals who were sitting down to dinner in the various houses along the square, and fancying to myself the blessed state of tranquillity it must impart to a man's nature to see a meal of appetising excellence, from which no call of business, no demand of any kind, could with- draw him. And what speculations did I indulge in as to the genial pleasantry that must abound — the happy wit, the joyous ease of such gatherings when three or four carriages at a door would bespeak the company at such a dinner-party. At last, out came my captain, with a haste and flurry of manner quite unusual. He did not, as was his constant custom, pass his hand along the mare's neck, to feel her coat ; nor did he mutter a single word of coaxing to her as he mounted. He flung himself with a jerk into the saddle, and, rapping my knuckles sharply with the gold knob of his whip, pettishly cried, 'Let her go, sirrah!' and cantered away. I stood for some moments motionless, my mind in that strange state when the first thought of rebellion has entered, and the idea of reprisal has occurred. I was about to go away, when the drawing-room window, straight above me, was opened, and a lady stepped out upon the balcony. It was too dark to discern either her CON CREGAN 63 features or her dress, but a certain instinct told me it was Mrs. Mansergh. ' Are you Captain De Courcy's boy ? ' said she, in a sweet and subdued voice. I replied in the affirmative, and she went on, 'You know his quarters at the Royal Hospital? Well, go there at once, as speedily as you can, and give him this note.' She hesitated for a second, as if uncertain what to say, and then added, 1 It is a note he dropped from his pocket by accident.' 'I'll do it, ma'am,' said I, catching the letter and the half-crown, which she had half inserted in the envelope to give it weight. ' You may trust me perfectly.' Before the words were well uttered, she had retired ; the window was closed, the curtain drawn, and, except the letter and the coin in my fingers, nothing remained to show that the whole had not been a trick of my foolish brain. My immediate impulse was to fulfil my mission. I even started off at full speed to do so; but as I turned the corner of the square, the glare of a bright gas -lamp suggested the temptation of, at least, a look at my despatches; and what was my astonishment to find that on this note, which had been dropped by ' accident ' from the captain's pocket, the superscription was scarcely dry — in the very act of catching I had blotted the words ! This, of course, was no affair of mine; but it evinced deception — and deception at certain moments becomes a dangerous injury. There are times when the mind feels deceit to be an outrage. The stormy passions of the fury- driven mob — reckless and headstrong — show this ; and the most terrible moment in all political convulsions is, when the people feel, or even suspect, that they have been tricked. My frame of mind was exactly in that critical stage. A minute before, I was ready to yield any obedience — tender any service ; and now, of a sudden — without the slightest real cause, or from anything which could in the remotest way affect me — I had become a rebel. Let the reader forgive the somewhat tedious analysis of a motive, since it comes from one who has long studied the science of moral chemistry, and made most 64 THE CONFESSIONS OF of his experiments — as the rule directs — in ' ignoble bodies.' My whole resolve was changed. I would not deliver the note. Not that I had any precise idea wherefore, or that I had the least conception what other course I should adopt. I was a true disciple of revolt — I rebelled for very rebellion sake. Betty Cobbe's was more than usually brilliant on that evening. A race, which was to come off at Kingstown the next day, had attracted a numerous company — in the various walks of horse-boys, bill-carriers, and pick- pockets — all of whom hoped to find a ready harvest on the morrow. The conversation was, therefore, entirely of a sporting character. Anecdotes of the turf and the ring went round, and in the many curious devices of roguery and fraud might be read the prevailing taste of that select company. Combinations were also formed to raise the rate of payment, and many ingenious suggestions thrown out about turning cattle loose, slacking girths, stealing curb chains, and so on, from that antagonistic part of the public who preferred holding their horses themselves than intrusting them to the profession. The race itself, too, engrossed a great share of interest ; and a certain Fergusson was talked of with all the devotedness and affection of a dear friend. Nor, as I afterwards learned, was the admiration a merely blind one, as he was a most cunning adept in all the wily stratagems by which such men correct the wilful ways of Fortune. How my companions chuckled over stories of 'rotten ditches,' that were left purposely to betray the unwary ; swinging gates, that would open at the least touch, and inevitably catch the horse that attempted to clear — if the hoof but grazed them ; bog holes to swamp, and stone fences to smash — had their share of approval ; but a drain dug eight feet deep, and that must certainly break the back of the horse, if not of the rider also, who made a CON CREGAN 65 ' mistake ' over it, seemed the triumph, which carried away the suffrages of the whole assembly. Now, although I had seen far more of real sport and horsemanship than the others, these narratives were, for the most part, new to me ; and I listened with a high interest to every scheme and trick by which cunning can overreach and outmanoeuvre simplicity. The admiration of adroit knavery is the first step on the road to fraud, and he who laughs heartily at a clever trick seldom suspects how he is 'booking himself ' for the same road. For my own part, neither were my principles so fixed, nor my education so careful, that I did not conceive a very high respect for the rogue, and a very contemptuous disdain for his victim. Morning came, and a bright, sunny one it was, with a keen frost, and that kind of sharp air that invigorates and braces both mind and body. The crisp clear outline of every tree and building seen against the deep blue sky ; the sparkling river, with its clean bed of bright gravel ; and the ruddy faces one meets, are all of a nature to suggest pleasant and cheerful thoughts. Even we — we, with our frail garments and chapped hands, felt it, and there was an alacrity of movement and a bounding step, a gay laugh and a merry voice everywhere. All set out for Kingstown, in the neighbourhood of which the race was to come off. I alone remained behind, resisting every entreaty of my companions to join them. I cannot yet say why I did so. It was partly that long habit had made my attendance upon the captain a duty ; partly, perhaps, that some vague notion that the letter, of which I still kept possession, should be delivered by me at last. The town was quite empty on that day : not a carriage, nor a horseman to be seen. There were very few on foot, and the square was deserted of all, save its nursery popula- tion. I never felt a more tedious morning. I had full time, as I loitered along all alone, to contrast my solitude with the enjoyment my companions were at that same moment pursuing. 13 E 66 THE CONFESSIONS OF True to the instant, Captain de Courcy cantered up, his face a thought graver and more stern than I had ever seen it before. As he dismounted, my hand, in holding his stirrup, soiled the brilliant polish of his lacquered boot ; he perceived it, and rewarded my awkwardness with a smart cut of his whip. A minute before, I had made up my mind to give him the note ; now, torture itself would not have torn it from me. I followed him with my eyes till he entered the house — not over distinctly, it is true, for they were somewhat blinded by tears that would, in spite of me, come forth. The sensation was a most painful one ; and I am heartily glad to confess I have seldom experienced a recurrence of it. Scarcely was the hall door closed on him, when I remembered that he would soon hear of the note, which I had failed to deliver, and that, in all likelihood, a heavy punishment awaited me. My offence was a grave one : what was to be done ? Turn the mare loose and fly, or patiently await my fate ? Either were bad enough ; the latter certainly the less advisable of the two. A course soon suggested itself, doubtless inspired by that third most mischief -working adage, which says that one may be 'as well hanged for the sheep as the lamb.' I therefore voted for the ' larger animal,' and to satisfy myself that I was honest to my own convictions, I immediately proceeded to act upon them. I led the mare quietly along to the angle of the square, and then turning into the next street, I shortened the stirrups, mounted, and rode off. ' Set a beggar on horseback ' says the proverb ; and although the consequence is only meant figuratively, I have a suspicion that it might bear a literal reading. I rode away, at first at a trot, and then, striking into a brisk canter, I took the road to Kingstown, whither, even yet, some horsemen were hastening. Every stride of the bounding animal elevated my CON CREGAN 67 spirits and nerved my courage. The foot-passengers, that plodded wearily along, I looked down upon as inferior — with the horsemen on either side I felt a kind of equality. How differently does one view life from the saddle, and from the ground! The road became more thronged as I advanced, thicker crowds pressed eagerly forward, and numerous carriages obstructed the way. At another moment, perhaps, I should have at- tracted attention, but stranger sights were passing at every instant, and none troubled their heads about the 1 ragged urchin on the thoroughbred.' The crowd at last became so dense that horsemen were fain to desert the highroad and take short cuts wherever an open gate, or an easily crossed fence, opened the way. Following a group of well-mounted gentlemen, I cleared a low wall into a spacious grass field, over which we cantered ; and beyond this, by leaping an easy ditch, into another of the same kind, till at length we saw the vast crowds that blackened a hill in front, and, beneath them, could distinguish the fluttering flags that marked the course, and the large floating standard of the winning- post. What a grand sight was that ! For what is so imposing a spectacle as vast myriads of people stirred by one interest and animated by one absorbing passion? Every one has nowadays seen something of the kind, therefore I shall not linger to tell of the impression it made upon my youthful senses. The first race had already come off ; but the second, and the great event of the day, was yet to take place. It was a steeplechase by 'gentlemen riders,' over a very severe line of country, several fences of most break-neck character having been added to the natural difficulties of the ground. Mounted on my splendid barb, I rode boldly forward till I reached the field through which the first ditch ran — a deep and wide trench, backed by a low rail — a very 68 THE CONFESSIONS OF formidable leap, and requiring both stride and strength to clear it. 'Some of 'em will tail off when they sees that!' said an English groom, with a knowing wink; and the words were only out, when, at a ' slapping canter,' the riders were seen coming down the gently sloping hill. Three rode nearly abreast, then came a single horseman, and, after him, an indiscriminate mass, whose bright and party- coloured jackets glowed like a rainbow. I watched them with a breathless interest. As they came nearer they widened the space between them, and each cast a rapid but stealthy glance at his neighbour. One — he rode a powerful black horse — took the lead, and dashing at the leap, his horse rose too soon, and fell, chested against the opposite bank, the rider under him; the next swerved suddenly round and balked; the third did the same; so that the leading horseman was now he who rode alone at first. Quickening his speed as he came on, he seemed actually to fly ; and when he did take the fence, it was like the bound of a cannon-shot — up, and over, at once ! Of the rest, some two or three followed well ; others pulled short up ; while the larger share, in various forms of accident and misfortune, might be seen either struggling in the brook or endeavouring to rescue their horses from the danger of broken legs and backs. I did not wait to watch them, my interest was in those who gallantly led onward, and who now, some four in number, rode almost abreast. Among these, my favourite was the sky-blue jacket, who had led the way over the dyke, and him did I follow with straining eyes and palpitating heart. They were at this moment advancing towards a wall — a high and strong one — and I thought, in the slackened pace, and more gathered -up stride, I could read the caution a difficult leap enforced. A brown jacket with white sleeves was the first to charge it ; and, after a tremendous scramble, in which the CON CREGAN 69 wall, the horse, and the rider were all tumbling together, he got over; but the animal went dead lame, and the rider, dismounting, led him off the ground. Next came blue jacket, and just at the very rise, his mare balked, and, at the top of her speed, ran away along the side of the wall. A perfect roar of angry disappoint- ment arose from the multitude, for she was the favourite of the country-people, who were loudly indignant at this mischance. ' The race is sold ! ' cried one. ' Beatagh ' — this was the rider — ' pulled her round him- self ! the mare never was known to refuse a fence ! ' ' I say you 're both wrong ! ' cried a third, whose excited manner showed he was no indifferent spectator of the scene. 'She never will take her first wall fairly; after that, she goes like a bird ! ' 'What a confounded nuisance to think that no one will lead her over the fence ! Is there not one here will show her the way ? ' said he, looking around. 'There's the only fellow I see whose neck can afford it!' said another, pointing to me. 'He, evidently, was never born to be killed in a steeplechase ! ' ' Devilish well mounted he is, too ! ' remarked some one else. ' Hallo, my smart boy ! ' said he who before alluded to the mare as a bolter ; ' try your nag over that wall yonder — go boldly. Let her have her head, and give her a sharp cut as she rises. Make way there, gentlemen ! Let the boy have fair-play, and I '11 wager a five-pound note he does it ! You shall have half the stakes, too, if you win ! ' added he. These were the last words I heard, for the crowd, clearing in front, opened for me to advance, and without a moment's hesitation of any kind, I dashed my heels to the mare's flanks and galloped forward. A loud shout, and a perfect shower of whips on the mare's quarter from the bystanders, put all question of pulling up beyond the reach of possibility. In a minute more I was at the 70 THE CONFESSIONS OF "wall, and, ere I well knew, over it. A few seconds after, the blue jacket was beside me. ' "Well done, my lad ! You 've earned twenty guineas if I win the race ! Lead the way a bit, and let your mare choose her ground when she leaps.' This was all he said; but such words of encouragement never fell on my ears before. Before us were the others, now reduced to three in number, and evidently holding their stride and watching each other — never for a moment suspecting that the most feared competitor was fast creeping up behind them. One fence separated us, and over this I led again, sitting my mare with all the composure of an old steeplechaser. 'Out of the way now,' cried my companion, 'and let me at them!' and he tore past me at a tremendous pace, shouting out as he went by the rest, 'Come along, my lads ! I '11 show the way ! ' And so he did ! With all their efforts, and they were bold ones, they never overtook him afterwards. His mare took each fence flying, and as her speed was much greater than the others, she came in full half a minute in advance. The others arrived altogether, crest-fallen and disappointed, and like all beaten men, receiving the most insulting comments from the mob, who are some- what keen critics on misfortune. I came last, for I had dropped behind when I was ordered; but unable to extricate my mare from the crowd, was compelled to ride the whole distance with the rest. If the losing horsemen were hooted and laughed at, my approach was a kind of triumphal entry. 'There's the chap that led over the wall! That little fellow rode the best of them all!' 'See that ragged boy on the small mare; he could beat the field this minute ! ' ' 'Tis fifty guineas in goold you ought to have, my chap ! ' said another — a sentiment the unwashed on all sides seemed most heartily to subscribe to. ' Be my soul, I 'd rather be lookin' at him than the gentlemen ! ' said a very tattered individual, with a coat CON CREGAN 71 like a transparency. These, and a hundred similar comments, fell like hail-drops around ; and I believe, that in my momentary triumph, I actually forgot all the dangers and perils of my offence. It is a great occasion for rejoicing among the men of rags and wretchedness when a member of their own order has achieved anything like fame. The assertion of their ability to enter the lists with ' their betters ' is the very pleasantest of all flatteries. It is, so to say, a kind of skirmish before that great battle which, one day or other, remains to be fought between the two classes which divide mankind — those who have, and those who have not. I little suspected that I was, to use the cant so popular at present, 'the representative of a great principle' in my late success. I took all the praises bestowed, most literally, to myself, and shook hands with all the dirty and tattered mob, fully convinced that I was a very fine fellow. ' Misther Beatagh wants to see the boy that led him over the ditch,' shouted out a huge, wide-shouldered, red-faced ruffian, as he shoved the crowd right and left, to make way for the approach of the gentleman who had just won the race. 1 Stand up bowld, avick ! ' whispered one in my ear ; ' and don't be ashamed to ax for your reward.' ' Say ten guineas ! ' muttered another. ' No ; but twenty ! ' growled out a third. 'And lashings of drink besides, for the present com- pany ! ' suggested a big-headed cripple about two feet high. ' Are you the lad that took the fence before me ? ' cried out a smart -looking, red- whiskered young man, with a white surtout loosely thrown over his riding-costume. ' Yes, sir,' I replied, half modestly and half assured. 'Who are you, my boy? and where do you come from?' ' He 's one of Betty Cobbe's chickens ! ' shouted out an old savage-faced beggar-man, who was terribly indignant 72 THE CONFESSIONS OF at the great misdirection of public sympathy ; ' and a nice clutch they are ! ' 'What is it to you, Dan, where the crayture gets his bread ! ' rejoined an old news vender, who, in all likelihood, had once been a parlour boarder in the same seminary. 'Never mind them, but answer me, my lad!' said the gentleman. 'If you are willing to take service, and can find any one to recommend you ' ' Sure we 11 all go bail for him — to any amount!' shouted out the little crippled fellow, from his ' bowl,' and certainly a most joyous burst of laughter ran through the crowd at the sentiment. ' Maybe ye think I 'm not a householder,' rejoined the fellow, with a grin of assumed anger ; ' but haven't I my own sugar hogshead to live in, and devil receave the lodger in the same premises ! ' ' I see there 's no chance of our being able to settle anything here,' said the gentleman. ' These good people think the matter more their own than ours ; so meet me to-morrow, my lad, at Dycer's, at twelve o'clock, and bring me anything that can speak for your character.' As he said these few words he brushed the crowd to one side with his whip, and forcing his way, with the air of a man who would not be denied, left the place. 'And he's laving the crayture without givin' him a f arden ! ' cried one of the mob, who suddenly saw all the glorious fabric of a carouse and a drunken bout disappear like a mirage. ' Oh the 'tarnal vagabond ! ' shouted another, more indignantly ; ' to desart the child that a- way ; and he that won the race for him ! ' 'Will yez see the little crayture wronged?' said another, who appeared by his pretentious manner to be a practised street orator. 'Will yez lave the dissolute orphan' — he meant desolate — ' to be chayted out of his pater money ? Are yez men at all ? or are yez dirty slaves of the bloody 'stokessy that 's murderin' ould Ireland ? ' CON CREGAN 73 ' We '11 take charge of the orphan, and of you too, my smart fellow, if you don't brush off pretty lively ! ' said a policeman, as, followed by two others, he pushed through the crowd with that cool determination that seems to be actually an instinct with them. Then laying a strong hand on my collar, he went on : ' How did you come by that mare, my lad ? ' 'She belongs to Captain de Courcy, of the Royal Hospital,' said I, doing my utmost to seem calm and collected. ' We know that already ; what we want to hear is, what brought you here with her? It wasn't Captain de Courcy's orders ? ' 'No, sir. I was told to hold her for him, and — and ' ' And so you rode off with her — out with it, it saves time, my lad. Now, let me ask you another question: have you any notion of the crime you have just committed? do you know that it amounts to horse-stealing? and do you know what the penalty is for that offence ? ' ' No, sir ; I know neither one nor the other,' said I resolutely; 'and if I did, it doesn't matter much. As well to live upon prison diet as to starve in the streets ! ' ' He 's a bad 'un ; I told ye that ! ' remarked another of the policemen. ' Take him off, Grimes ! ' And so, amid a very general but subdued murmur of pity and condol- ence from the crowd, I was dragged away on one side, while the mare was led off on another. It was a terrible tumble down, from being a hero to an embryo felon ! From being cheered by the populace, to being collared by a policeman! As we went along towards Dublin, on a jaunting-car, I was regaled by interesting narratives of others, who had begun life like myself, and took an abrupt leave of it in a manner by no means too decorous. The peculiarity of anecdote which pertains to each profession was strongly marked in these officers of the law; and they appeared to have 74 THE CONFESSIONS OF studied the dark side of human nature with eyes the keenest and most scrutinising. I wish I could even now forget the long and dreary- hours of the night that ensued, as I lay, with some fifty others, in the gaol of the station-house. The company was assuredly not select, nor their manners at all improved by the near approach of punishment. It seemed as if all the disguises of vice were thrown off at once, and that iniquity stood forth in its own true and glaring livery. I do not believe that the heart can ever experience a ruder shock than when an unfledged criminal first hears himself welcomed into the 'Masonry' of guilt; to be claimed by such associates as a f ellow-labourer ; to be received as one of the brethren into the guild of vice, is really an awful blow to one's self-esteem and respect ; to feel your- self inoculated with a disease, whose fatal marks are to stamp you like this one or that, sends a shuddering terror through the heart, whose cold thrill is never, in a life-long afterwards, thoroughly eradicated ! There should be a quarantine for suspected guilt, as for suspected disease ; and the mere doubt of rectitude should not expose any unfortunate creature to the chances of a terrible contagion ! I do not affect by this to say that I was guiltless — not in the least; but my crime should scarcely have classified me with the associates by whom I was surrounded. Nor was a night in such company the wisest mode of restoring to the path of duty one who might possibly have only slightly deviated from the straight line. When morning came, I was marched off, with a strong phalanx of other misdoers, to the College Street office, where a magistrate presided whose bitterest calumniators could never accuse of any undue leanings towards mercy. By him I had the satisfaction of hearing a great variety of small offences decided with a railroad rapidity, only interrupted, now and then, by a whining lamentation over the '■ lenity of the legislature,' that never awarded CON CREGAN 75 one tithe of the suitable penalty, and bewailing his own inability to do more for the criminal than send him to prison for two months, with hard labour, and harder diet to sweeten it. At last came my name; and as I heard it shouted aloud, it almost choked me with a nervous fulness in the throat. I felt as though I was the greatest criminal in the universe, and that the whole vast assemblage had no other object or aim there than to see me arraigned for my offence. I was scarcely ordered to advance before I was desired to stand back again, the prosecutor, Captain de Courcy, not being in court. While a policeman was, therefore, despatched by the magistrate to request that he would have the kindness to appear — for the captain was an honourable and an aide-de-camp, titles which the sit- ting justice knew well how to respect — other cases were called and disposed of. It was nigh three o'clock when a great bustle in the outer court, and a tremendous falling back of the dense crowd, accompanied by an ostentatious display of police zeal, heralded a group of officers, who, with jingling spurs and banging sabretaches, made their way to the bench, and took their seats beside the justice. Many were the courtesies interchanged between the magis- trate and the captain — one averring that the delay was not in the slightest degree inconvenient, the other pro- fessing the greatest deference for the rules of court, neither bestowing a thought upon him most deeply con- cerned of all. A very brief narrative, delivered by the captain with a most military abruptness, detailed my offence ; and although not exaggerated in the slightest degree, the occasional interruptions of the magistrate served very considerably to magnify its guilt : such as, ' Dear me ! a favourite mare — a pure Arab — a present from your noble father, Lord Littlemore — infamous treatment — abominable case — abandoned young scoundrel ! ' and so on, closing with 76 THE CONFESSIONS OF the accustomed peroration of regret that, as hanging was now done away with, he feared that the recorder could only award me a transportation for life ! 'Have you anything to say, sirrah?' said he at last, turning towards me ; ' or would you rather reserve your observations for another time ? as I shall certainly commit you for trial at the commission.' 'I have only to suggest,' said I, with an air of most insolent composure, 'that you are probably mistaken in your law. The offence with which I stand charged amounts, at most, to the minor one of breach of trust.' 'What! have we got a lawyer in the dock?' said the magistrate, reddening with fear and anger together. ' I have enjoyed some opportunities of legal study, your worship,' said I, ' and am happy to state that my opinion, in the present instance, will not discredit the assertion. The case stands thus : — I am employed by the Honourable Captain de Courcy to perform a particular duty, which is of the distinct nature of a trust ; that trust, whose import- ance I do not seek to extenuate in the slightest, I fail in. I will not plead the strong temptation of a race and a great spectacle. I will not allege, as perhaps I might, the example of my companions, then revelling in all the pleasures of the day. I will simply say that no one fact can be adduced to favour the suspicion of a meditated robbery; and that my conduct, so palpably open and public, rejects the least assumption of the kind, and at the utmost can establish nothing beyond what I am willing to plead guilty to — a breach of trust.' 'Listen to the Attorney-General! By the hokey, it's himself they 've in the dock ! ' said one. ' That 's the chap can give them chapter and varse ! ' cried another. ' Silence there ! Keep silence in the court ! ' said the justice, now really warm with passion. 'I'd have you to know, sirrah,' said he, addressing me, 'that your pettifogging shrewdness is anything but favourable to CON CREGAN 77 you in the unfortunate position in which you stand. I shall commit you for trial, and would advise you — it is the only piece of advice I'll trouble you with — to charge some more skilful advocate with your defence, and not intrust it to the knavish flippancy of conceit and chicanery.' 'I mean to have counsel, your worship,' said I resolutely ; for my blood was up, and I would have argued with the twelve judges. 'I mean to have one of the first and most eminent at the bar for my defence. Mr. Mansergh, of Merrion Square, will not refuse my brief when he sees the fee I can offer him.' A regular roar of laughter filled the court; the im- pudence of my speech, and my thus introducing the name of one of the very first men at the bar, as likely to concern himself for such a miserable case and object, was too much for any gravity ; and when the magistrate turned to comment upon my unparalleled assurance and impertinence to Captain de Courcy, he discovered that the honourable captain had left his place. Such was the fact. The dashing aide-de-camp was, at that moment standing, in earnest converse with myself, beside the dock. 'May I speak with this boy in another room, your worship ? ' said he, addressing the Court. 'Certainly, Captain de Courcy! — Sergeant Biles, show Captain de Courcy into my robing-room.' The honourable captain did not regain his composure immediately on finding himself alone with me ; on the contrary, his agitation was such that he made two or three efforts before he could utter the few words with which he first addressed me. 'What did you mean by saying that Mr. Mansergh would defend you? and what was the fee you alluded to ? ' were the words. ' Just what I said, sir ! ' said I, with the steady assur- ance a confidence of victory gives. ' I thought it was 78 THE CONFESSIONS OF better to have able counsel, and as I know I have the means of recompensing him, the opportunity was lucky.' ' You don't pretend that you could afford to engage one like him, my lad ? ' said he, affecting, but very poorly, an air of easy composure. ' What could you give him ? ' 'A note, sir; and although it never issued from the bank, one not without value.' The captain became deadly pale ; he made one step towards the door, and in a low voice of ill-restrained anger said, ' I '11 have you searched, sirrah ! If anything belong- ing to me is found upon you ' 'No fear, sir!' said I composedly; 'I have taken precautions against that ; the note is safe ! ' He threw himself upon a chair, and stared at me steadily for some minutes, without a word. There we were, each scanning the other, and inwardly calculating how to win the game we were playing. 'Well!' said he, at last; 'what are your terms? You see I give in.' ' And so best,' said I ; ' it saves time. I ask very little from your honour — nothing more, in fact, than to have this charge dismissed. I don't mean to wear rags all my life, and consort with vagabonds, and so I dislike to have it said hereafter that I was ever arraigned or committed for an offence like this. You must tell the justice that it was some blunder or mistake of your orders to me — some accidental circumstance or other, I don't much care what, or how ; nor will he, if the explanation comes from you ! This done, I'll place the note in your hand within half an hour, and we need never see much more of each other.' ' But who is to secure me that you keep your promise ? ' 'You must trust to me,' said I carelessly; 'I have no bail to give.' ' Why not return now with the policeman, for the note, before I speak to the justice ? ' ' Then who is to go bail for you ? ' said I, smiling. CON CREGAN 79 ' You are a cool fellow, by Jove ! ' cried he, at the steady impudence which I maintained in the discussion. 'I had need be!' replied I, in a voice very different from the feigned hardihood of my assumed part. 'The boy who has neither a home, nor a friend in the world, has little else to rely on save the cold recklessness of what may befall him ! ' I saw a curl of contempt upon the captain's lip at the energy of this speech; for now, when, for the first time between us, a single genuine sentiment broke from me, he deemed it ' cant.' ' Well ! ' cried he, ' as you wish ; I '11 speak to the justice, and you shall be free.' He left the room as he spoke, but in a few moments re-entered it, saying, ' All is right ! You are discharged ! Now for your share of the bargain.' ' Where will your honour be in half an hour ? ' ' At the club, Foster Place.' ' Then I '11 be there with the note,' said I. He nodded, and walked out. I watched him as he went ; but he neither spoke to a policeman, nor did he turn his head round to see what became of me. There was something in this that actually awed me. It was a trait so unlike anything I had ever seen in others, that I at once perceived it was ' the gentleman's ' spirit enabling him to feel confidence even in a poor ragged street wanderer as I was. The lesson was not lost on me. My life has been mainly an imitative one, and I have more than once seen the inestimable value of ' trusting.' No sooner was I at large than I speeded to Betty's, and was back again long before the half-hour expired. I had to wait till near five, however, before he appeared ; so sure was he of my keeping my word, that he never troubled himself about me ! ' Ha ! ' said he, as he saw me ; ' long here ? ' ' Yes, sir, about an hour ' ; and I handed him the note as I spoke. 80 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN He thrust it carelessly into his sabretache, and pulling out a crown-piece, chucked it towards me, saying, ' Good- bye, friend; if they don't hang you, you'll make some noise in the world yet.' 'I mean it, sir,' said I, with a familiar nod; and so genteelly touching my cap in salute, I walked away. - ^ 'a quiet chop' at 'kil- leen's,' and a glance at a new character LOOKED very wist- fully at my broad crown - piece, as it lay with its honest platter face in the palm of my hand, and felt, by the stirring sensations it excited within me, some inklings of his feelings who possesses hundreds of thousands of them. Then there arose in my mind the grave question how it was to be spent; and such a strange connection is there between what economists call supply and demand, that, in place of being, as I esteemed myself a few minutes back, 'passing rich,' I at once perceived that I was exceeding poor, since to effect any important change in my condition, five shillings was a most inadequate sum. It would not buy me more than a pair of shoes ; and what use in repairing the foundation 13 F 82 THE CONFESSIONS OF of the edifice when the roof was in ruin ! not to speak of my other garments, to get into which, each morning, by the same apertures as before, was a feat that might have puzzled a harlequin. I next bethought me of giving an entertainment to my brethren at Betty's; but, after all, they had shown little sympathy with me in my late misfortune, and seemed pleased to be rid of a dangerous professional rival. This, and a lurking desire to leave the fraternity, decided me against this plan. Then came the thought of entertaining myself — giving myself a species of congratulatory dinner on my escape ; and, in fact, commemorating the event by anticipating the most fashionable mode now in use. I canvassed the notion with all the skill and fairness I could summon, stating the various objections against it, and answering them, with what seemed to myself a most judicial impartiality. ' Who does a man usually entertain,' said I, ' but his intimate friends?' Those whose agreeability is pleasing to him, or whose acquaintance is valuable from their station and influence. Now, with whom had I such an unrestrained and cordial intercourse as myself? Whose society never wearied — whose companionship always interested me ? — my own ! and who, of all the persons I had ever met with, conceived a sincere and heartfelt desire for my welfare, preferring it to all others ? ' Con Cregan, it is you,' said I enthusiastically. ' In you my confidence is com- plete. I believe you incapable of ever forgetting me ; come, then, and let us pledge our friendship over a flowing bowl ! ' Where, too, was the next doubt? With a crown to spend, I was not going to descend to some subterranean den among coal-heavers, newsvenders, and umbrella hawkers; but how was I to gain access to a better-class ordinary — that was the difficulty; who would admit the street-runner in his rags into even a brief intimacy with his silver forks and spoons ; and it was precisely to an CON CREGAN 83 entertainment on such a scale as a good tavern could supply that I aspired. It was to test my own feelings under a new stimulant— just as I have often since seen grave people experiment upon themselves with laughing gas, and magnetism, and the fumes of ether. 'It may be too much for you, Con,' said I, as I went along; 'there's no knowing what effect it may have on your nerves.' ' Remember that your system is not attuned to such variations. Your vagaries may prove extravagant, and the too sudden elevation may disturb your naturally correct judgment.' Against these doubts I pleaded the necessity of not being ungrateful to myself — not refusing a very proper acknowledgment of my own skill and astuteness ; and, lastly, I suggested a glancing kind of hope, that, like those famed heroes who dated their great fortune to having gone to sleep beneath the shadow of some charmed tree, or near the ripple of a magic fountain, that I, too, should arise from this banquet with some brilliant view of life, and see the path to success, bright and clear before me, through the hazy mists of fancy. As I reasoned thus, I passed various ordinaries, stop- ping with a kind of instinct at each, to gaze at the luscious rounds of beef so daintily tricked out with sprigs of parsley — the appetising cold sirloins, so beautifully strati- fied with fat and lean — with hams that might tempt a rabbi — not to speak of certain provocative little para- graphs about 'ox-tail and gravy ready at all hours.' ' Queer world it is,' said I ; ' and there are passing at every instant, by tens and twenties, men, and women, and children, famishing and hungry, who see all these things separated from them by a pane of window-glass ; and yet, they only gather their rags more closely together, clench their thin lips tighter, and move on. Not that alone ; but here am I, with means to buy what I want, and yet I must not venture to cross that threshold, as though my rags should be an insult to their broadcloth.' 'Move 84 THE CONFESSIONS OF on, youngster,' quoth a policeman at this moment, and thus put an end to my soliloquy. Wearied with rambling, and almost despairing of my- self, I was about to cross Carlisle Bridge, when the blazing effulgence of a great ruby-coloured lamplight attracted my attention, over which, in bright letters, ran the words, ' Killeen's Tavern and Chop House,' and beneath — ' Steak, potatoes, and a pint of stout, one shilling and fourpence.' Armed with a bold thought, I turned and approached the house. Two or three waiters, in white aprons, were stand- ing at the door, and showed little inclination to make way for me as I advanced. ' Well ! ' cried one, ' who are you ? Nobody sent for you.' ' Tramp, my smart fellow,' said the other, ' this an't your shop.' ' Isn't this Killeen's ? ' said I stoutly. ' Just so,' said the first, a little surprised at my coolness. 'Well, then, a young gentleman from the college sent me to order dinner for him at once, and pay for it at the same time.' ' What will he have ? ' 'Soup, and a steak, with a pint of port,' said I; just the kind of dinner I had often heard the old half -pay officers talking of at the door of the club in Foster Place. ' What hour did he say ? ' ' This instant. He 's coming down ; and as he starts by the mail at seven, he told me to have it on the table when he came.' 'All right; four-and-six,' said the waiter, holding out his hand for the money. I gave him my crown-piece, and as he fumbled for the sixpence I insinuated myself quietly into the hall. 'There's your change, boy,' said the waiter; 'you needn't stop.' ' Will you be so good, sir,' said I, ' to write " paid " on a slip of paper for me, just to show the gentleman ? ' 'Of course,' sajd he, taken possibly by the flattering CON CREGAN 85 civility of my address, and he stepped into the bar, and soon reappeared with a small scrap of paper, with these words : ' Dinner and a pint of port, 4s. 6d. — paid.' 'I'mto wait for him here, sir,' said I most obsequiously. 'Very well, so you can,' replied he, passing on to the coffee-room. I peeped through the glass-door, and saw that in one of the little boxes into which the place was divided, a table was just spread, and a soup-tureen and a decanter placed on it. ' This,' thought I, ' is for me ' ; for all the other boxes were already occupied, and a great buzz of voices and clashing of plates and knives going on together. ' Serve the steak, sir,' said I, stepping into the room and addressing the head- waiter, who, with a curse to me to ' get out of that,' passed on to order the dish ; while I, with an adroit flank movement, dived into the box, and, imitating some of the company, spread my napkin like a breastplate across me. By a great piece of fortune, the stall was the darkest in the room, so that when seated in a corner, with an open newspaper before me, I could, for a time at least, hope to escape detection. 1 Anything else, sir ? ' cried a waiter, as he uncovered the soup, and deposited the dish of smoking beefsteak. 'Nothing,' responded I, with a voice of most imposing sternness, and manfully holding up the newspaper between us. The first three or four mouthfuls I ate with a faint heart ; the fear of discovery, exposure, and expulsion, almost choked me. A glass of port rallied, a second one cheered, and a third emboldened me, and I proceeded to my steak in a spirit of true ease and enjoyment. The port was most insidious ; place it wherever I would on the table, it invariably stole over beside me, and in spite of me, as it were, the decanter would stand at my elbow. I suppose it must be in reality a very gentlemanlike tipple; the tone of sturdy self-reliance, the vigorous air of command, the sense of absolutism it inspires, smack 86 THE CONFESSIONS OF of Toryism ; and as I sipped, I felt myself rising above the low prejudices I once indulged in against rank and wealth, and insensibly comprehending the beauty of that system which divides and classifies mankind. The very air of the place, the loud, overbearing talk, the haughty summons to the waiter, the imperious demand for this or that requisite of the table, all conspired to impress me with the pleasant sensation imparted to him who possesses money. Among the various things called for on every side I remarked that mustard seemed in the very highest request. Every one ate of it; none seemed to have enough of it. There was a perpetual cry — 'Mustard! I say, waiter, bring me the mustard!' while one very choleric old gentleman, in a drab surtout and a red nose, absolutely seemed bursting with in- dignation, as he said, 'You don't expect me to eat a steak without mustard, sir?' — a rebuke at which the waiter grew actually purple. Now this was the very thing I had myself been doing, actually eating ' a steak without mustard ! ' What a mistake, and for one who believed himself to be in every respect conforming to the choicest usages of high life ! What was to be done ? the steak had disappeared ; no matter, it was never too late to learn, and so I cried out, 'Waiter! the mustard here ! ' in a voice that almost electrified the whole room. I had scarcely concealed myself beneath my curtain — the Times — when the mustard was set down before me, with a humble apology for forgetfulness. I waited till he withdrew, and then helping myself to the unknown delicacy, proceeded to eat it, as the phrase is, 'neat.' In my eagerness I swallowed two or three mouthfuls before I felt its effects, and then a sensation of burning and choking seized upon me. My tongue seemed to swell to thrice its size; my eyes felt as if they would drop out of my head; while a tingling sensation, like 'frying,' in my nostrils almost drove me mad ; so that, after three CON CREGAN 87 or four seconds of silent agony, during which I experienced about ten years of torture, unable to endure more, I screamed out that ' I was poisoned,' and with wide-open mouth, and staring eyes, ran down the coffee-room. Never was seen such an uproar! had an animal from a wild beast menagerie appeared among the company, the consternation could scarce be greater ; and in the mingled laughter and execrations might be traced the different moods of those who resented my intrusion. 'Who is this fellow ? how did he get in ? what brought him here ? what's the matter with him?' poured in on all sides — difficulties the head-waiter thought it better to deal with by a speedy expulsion than by any lengthened explanation. ' Get a policeman, Bob ! ' said he to the next in com- mand ; and the order was given loud enough to be heard by me. ' What the devil threw him amongst us ? ' said a testy- looking man in green spectacles. ' I came to dine, sir,' said I ; ' to have my steak and my pint of wine, as I hoped, in comfort, and as one might have it in a respectable tavern.' A jolly burst of laughter stopped me, and I was obliged to wait for its subsidence to continue. 1 Well, sir ! I paid for my dinner ' ' Is that true, Sam ? ' said a shrewd-looking man to the waiter. ' Quite true, sir ! he paid f our-and-sixpence, saying that the dinner was for a college gentleman.' ' I have been in college,' said I coolly ; ' but no matter, the thing is simple enough; I am here, in a house of public entertainment, the proprietors of which have accepted my money for a specific purpose; and putting aside the question whether they can refuse admission to any well-conducted individual (see Barnes versus MacTivell, in the 8th volume Term Reports ; and Hobbes against Blinkerton, Soaker, and others, in the Appendix) 88 THE CONFESSIONS OF I contend that my presence here is founded upon contract.' Another and still louder roar of mirth again stopped me, and before I could resume, the company had gathered round me in evident delight at my legal knowledge ; and in particular, he of the spectacles, who was a well-known attorney of the Court of Conscience. ' That fellow 's a gem ! ' said he. ' Hang me if he 's not equal to Bleatem ! Sam, take care what you do ; he 's the chap to have his action against you ! I say, my man, come and sit down here, and let us have a little chat together.' 'Most willingly, sir,' responded I. 'Waiter, bring my wine over to this table.' This was the signal for another shout, of which I did not deign to take the slightest notice. 'I'll wager a hundred oysters,' exclaimed one of the party among whom I now seated myself, 'that I have seen him before! Tell me, my lad, didn't you ride over the course yesterday, and cut out the work for Mr. Beatagh ? ' I bowed an assent. ' Who the devil is he ? ' cried two or three together ; and my appearance and manner did not check the audible expression of this sentiment. ' A few words will suffice, gentlemen,' said I, ' on that head. My father was an estated gentleman, of small but unencumbered fortune, which he lost by an unfortunate speculation ; he accordingly went abroad ' ' To Norfolk Island ! ' suggested one, with a wink. ' Exactly,' responded I ; ' a colonial appointment ; leaving me, like Norval, not exactly on the Grampian Hills, but in a worse place, in the middle of the bog of Allen, my sole dependence being in certain legal studies I had once made, and a natural taste for getting forward in life, which, with a most enthusiastic appreciation of good company' — here I bowed politely all round — 'are, I natter myself, my chief characteristics.' CON CREGAN 89 After a little, but most good-humoured, quizzing about my present occupation and future prospects, they, with far more politeness than might be expected, turned the con- versation upon other matters, and kindly permitted me to throw in from time to time my observations — remarks which I could see, from their novelty at least, seemed often to surprise them. At length the hour of separating arrived, and I arose to bid the company good-night, which I performed with a very fair imitation of that quiet ease I had often studied in the young guardsmen about town. ' What do you bet that he has neither home to shelter him nor bed to sleep on this night ? ' whispered one to his neighbour. ' What are you writing there, Cox ? ' said another, to the keen-eyed man, who was pencilling something on a card. ' There ; that 's my address, my boy — 12 Stafford Street : Jeremiah Cox. Come to me about ten to-morrow.' Another, while he was speaking, made an effort to slip a half-crown into my hand — a measure I felt it becoming to decline "with a prompt but courteous refusal. Indeed, I had so identified myself with the part I was performing, that I flung down my only sixpence on the table for the waiter, and with a last salutation to the honourable company, walked out. I have a perfect memory of every circumstance of the evening, and I recollect that my swaggering exit was as free from any semblance of concern or care as though a carriage waited for me out- side to convey me to a luxurious home ! It has often been a fancy of mine through life to pass the entire of a summer night out of doors ; to wander either through the moonlit roads of some picturesque country, or in the still more solitary streets of a great city. I have always felt on these occasions as though one were 'stealing a march' upon the sleeping world— gaining so many more hours of thought and reflection, which the busy conflict of life renders so often difficult. 90 THE CONFESSIONS OF The hours of the night seem to typify so many stages of existence — only reversing the natural order of age, and making the period of deep reflection precede the era of sanguine hope ; for if the solemn closing in of the dark- ness suggests musing, so do the rosy tints and fresh air of breaking day inspire the warm hopefulness of youth. If ' the daylight sinking ' invites the secret communing of the heart, 'the dawning of morn' glows with energetic purpose and bold endeavour. To come back to myself. I left the tavern without a thought whither I should turn my steps. It was a calm night, with a starry sky and a mild genial air, so that to pass the hours until morning without shelter was no great privation. One only resolve I had formed — never to go back to Betty's. I felt that I had sojourned over long in such companionship ; it was now time some other and more upward path should open before me. Following the course of the Liffey, I soon reached the Quay called the North Wall, and at last arrived at the bluff extremity which looks out upon the opening of the river into the Bay of Dublin. The great expanse was in deep shadow, but so calm the sea, that the two light- houses were reflected in long columns of light in the tranquil water. The only sound audible was the low monotonous plash of the sea against the wall, or the grating noise of a chain cable, as the vessel it held surged slowly with the tide. The sounds had something plaintive in them, that soon imparted a tone of sadness to my mind; but it was a melancholy not unpleasing ; and I sat down upon a rude block of stone, weaving strange fancies of myself and my future. As I sat thus, my ear, grown more acute by habit, detected the light clank of a chain, and something like a low thumping sound in the water beneath me, and on peering down, I discovered the form of a small boat, fastened to a ring in the wall, and which, from time to time, grated against the strong masonry. There it lay, CON CREGAN 91 with a pair of light oars run under the thwarts, and its helm flapping to and fro, inert and purposeless, like my- self ! So at least I fancied it, and soon began conceiving a strange parallel between it and me. I was suddenly startled from these musings by the sound of feet rapidly approaching. I listened, and could hear a man coming towards me at full speed. I sat down beneath the shadow of the wall, and he passed me unnoticed, and then, springing up on the parapet, he gave a loud shrill whistle ; waiting a few seconds as if for the reply, he was silent, and then repeated it; but still in vain — no answer came. 'Blast them ! ' muttered he, ' the scoundrels will not show a light!' A third time did he whistle; but though the sounds might be heard a mile off, neither sight nor sound ever responded to them. 'And that rascal, too, to have left the boat at such a moment ! ' Just as he uttered these words, he sprang down from the wall, and caught sight of me, as I lay, affecting sleep, coiled up beneath it. With a rude kick of his foot on my side he aroused me, saying, ' D n the fellow, is this a time for sleeping ? I told you to keep a sharp lookout for me here ! What ! who are you?' cried he, as I stood upright before him. ' A poor boy, sir, that has no roof to shelter him,' said I plaintively. He bent his head and listened; and then, with a horrible curse, exclaimed, ' Here they are ! here they come ! Can you pull an oar, my lad ? ' ' I can, sir,' answered I. 'Well, jump down into the punt there, and row her round the point to the stairs. Be quick ! down with you ! I have cut my hand, and cannot help you. There, that 's it, my lad ! catch the ring ; swing yourself a little more to the right ; her gunwale is just beneath your foot ; all right now! well done! Be alive now! give way, give way!' and thus encouraging me, he walked along the parapet above me, and in a few minutes stood fast, calling 92 THE CONFESSIONS OF out, but in a lower and more cautious voice, ' There ! close in, now a strong pull — that's it!' and then hastily descending a narrow flight of steps, he sprang into the boat, and seated himself in the stern. 'Hush! be still!' cried he, 'do not stir! they'll never see us under the shadow of the wall ! ' As he spoke, two dark figures mounted the wall, straight above our heads, and stood for some seconds as it were peering into the distance. 'I'll swear I saw him take this way,' cried one, in a deep low voice. ' If he were the devil himself he could not escape us here,' said the other, with an accent of vindictive passion. ' And he is the devil,' said the former speaker. ' Pooh, nonsense, man ! any fellow who can win at dice, or has a steady finger with a pistol, is a marvel for you. Curses on him ! he has given us the slip somehow.' ' I 'd not wonder, Harry, if he has taken the water ; he swims like a duck ! ' 'He could not have sprung from a height like that without a plash, and we were close enough upon his heels to hear it ; flash off some powder in a piece of paper ; it is dark as pitch here.' While the men above were preparing their light, I heard a slight stir in the stern of the boat. I turned my head and saw my companion coolly fitting a cap on his pistol; he was doing it with difficulty, as he was obliged to hold the pistol between his knees, while he adjusted the cap with his left hand; the right hand he carried in the breast of his coat. Nothing could be more calm and collected than his every movement, up to the instant when, having cocked the weapon, he lay back in the boat so as to have a full stare at the two dark figures above us. At last, the fuse was ready, and being lighted, it was held for a few seconds in the hand, and then thrown into the air. The red and lurid glare flashed full upon two CON CREGAN 93 savage-looking faces, straight above our heads, and for an instant showed their figures with all the distinctness of noonday. I saw them both, as if by a common im- pulse, lean over the parapet and peer down into the dark water below; and I could have almost sworn that we were discovered ; my companion evidently thought so too, for he raised his pistol steadily, and took a long and careful aim. What a moment was that for me — expecting at every instant to hear the report, and then the heavy fall of the dead man into the water ! My throat was full to bursting. The bit of burning paper of the fuse had fallen on my companion's pistol hand, but though it must have scorched him, he never stirred, nor even brushed it off. I thought that by its faint flicker, also, we might have been seen; but no, it was plain they had not per- ceived us; and it was with a delight I cannot describe that I saw one and then the other descend from the wall, while I heard the words, 'There's the second time above five hundred pounds has slipped from us. D n the fellow ! but if I hang for him, 1 11 do it yet ! ' ' Well, you 've spoiled his hand for hazard for a while, anyhow, Harry ! ' said the other. ' I think you must have taken his fingers clean off ! ' ' The knife was like a razor,' replied the other, with a laugh; 'but he struck it out of my hand with a blow above the wrist ; and, I can tell you, I 'd as soon get the kick of a horse as a short stroke of the same closed fist.' They continued to converse as they moved away, but their words only reached me in broken, unconnected sentences. From all I could glean, however, I was in company with one of enormous personal strength, and of most reckless intrepidity. At last, all was still — not a sound to be heard on any side ; and my companion, leaning forward, said, 'Come, my lad, pull me out a short distance into the offing; we shall soon see a light to guide us.' In calm, still water I could row well. I had been boat- 94 THE CONFESSIONS OF boy to the priest at all his autumn fishing excursions on the Westmeath Lakes, so that I acquitted myself creditably, urged on, I am free to confess, by a very profound fear of the large figure who loomed so mysteriously in the stern. For a time we proceeded in deep silence, when at last he said, 'What vessel do you belong to, boy ? ' ' I was never at sea, sir,' replied I. ' Not a sailor ! how comes it, then, you can row so well ? ' ' I learned to row in fresh water, sir,' ' What are you ? How came you to be here to-night ? ' ' By merest chance, sir. I had no money to pay for a bed. I have neither home nor friends. I have lived by holding horses, and running errands, in the streets.' 'Picking pockets occasionally, I suppose, too, when regular business was dull ! ' ' Never ! ' said I indignantly. ' Don't be shocked, my fine fellow ! ' said he jeeringly ; 'better men than ever you'll be have done a little that way. I have made some lighter this evening myself, for the matter of that ! ' This confession, if very frank, was not very reassuring, and so I made no answer, but rowed away with all my might. ' Well ! ' said he, after a pause, ' luck has befriended me twice to-night, and sending you to sleep under that wall was not the worst turn of the two. Ship your oars, there, boy, and let us see if you are as handy a surgeon as you are a sailor. Try and bind up these wounded fingers of mine, for they begin to smart with the cold night air.' 'Wait an instant,' cried he; 'we are safe now, so you may light this lantern'; and he took from his pocket a small and most elegantly fashioned lantern, which he immediately lighted. I own it was with a most intense curiosity I waited for the light to scan the features of my singular companion ; nor was my satisfaction inconsiderable when, instead of the terrific - looking fellow — half bravo, half pirate — I CON CREGAN 95 expected, I perceived before me a man of apparently thirty-one or two, with large but handsome features and gentlemanly appearance. He had an immense beard and moustache, which united at either side of the mouth ; but this, ferocious enough to one unaccustomed to it, could not take off the quiet regularity and good-humour of his manly features. He wore a large-brimmed, slouched felt-halt, that shaded his brows ; and he seemed to be dressed with some care beneath the rough exterior of a common pilot coat; at least he wore silk stockings and shoes, as if in evening dress. These particulars I had time to note, while he unwound from his crippled hand the strips of a silk handkerchief, which, stiffened and clotted with blood, bespoke a deep and severe wound. If the operation were often painful, even to torture, he never winced, or permitted the slightest expression of suffering to escape him. At last the undressing was com- pleted, and a fearful gash appeared, separating the four fingers almost entirely from the hand. The keenness of cut showed that the weapon must have been, as the fellow averred, sharp as a razor. Perhaps the copious loss of blood had exhausted the vessels, or the tension of the bandage had closed them, for there was little bleeding, and I soon succeeded, with the aid of his cravat, in making a tolerable dressing of the wound, and by filling up the palm of the hand, as I had once seen done by a country surgeon in a somewhat similar case. The pain was relieved by the gentle support afforded. ' Why, you are a most accomplished vagrant ! ' said he, laughing, as he watched the artistic steps of my proceeding. 'What 's your name ? — I mean, what do you go by at present ? for of course a fellow like you has a score of aliases.' 'I have had only one name up to this,' said I — 'Con Cregan.' ' Con Cregan ! sharp and shrewd enough it sounds, too ! ' said he ; ' and what line of life do you mean to follow, 96 THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN Master Con? for I suspect you have not been without some speculations on the subject.' ' I have thought of various things, sir ; but how is a poor boy like me to get a chance ? I feel as if I could pick up a little of most trades, but I have no money, nor any friends.' ' Money — friends ! ' exclaimed he, with a burst of bitter- ness, quite unlike his previous careless humour. 'Well, my good fellow, I had both one and the other — more than most people are supposed to have of either — and what have they brought me to ? ' he held up his maimed and blood-clotted hand, as he spoke this with a withering scorn in every accent. ' No, my boy ! trust one who knows something of life — the lighter you start the easier your journey ! He that sets his heart on it can always make money ; and friends, as they are called by courtesy, are still more easily acquired.' This was the first time I had ever heard any one speak of the game of life, as such ; and I cannot say what intense pleasure the theme afforded me. I am certain I never stopped to consider whether his views were right or not — whether the shrewd results of a keen observer, or the prejudices of a disappointed man. It was the subject, the matter discussed, delighted me. My companion appeared to feel that he had a willing listener, and went freely on canvassing the various roads to success, and with a certain air of confidence in all he said that to me seemed quite oracular. 'What a fellow am I,' said he at last, ' to discourse in this strain to a street urchin, whose highest ambition is to outrun his ragged competitors, and be first "in" for the sixpence of some cantering cornet. Pull ahead, lad, there 's the light at last ; and hang me if they 're not two miles out ! ' The contemptuous tone of the last few words effectually repressed any desire I might have had for further colloquy, and I rowed away in silence, putting forth all my strength and skill, so that the light skiff darted rapidly and steadily through the water. SIR DUDLEY BROUGHTON TEADILY, and with all the vigour I could command, I pulled towards the light. My companion sat quietly- watching the stars, and apparently- following out some chain of thought to himself ; at last he said, ' There, boy, breathe a bit, there 's no need to blow yourself, we 're all safe long since ; the Firefly is right ahead of us, and not far off either. Have you never heard of the yacht ? ' 'Never, sir.' ' Nor of its owner, Sir Dudley Broughton ? ' ' No, sir, I never heard the name.' ' Well, come,' cried he, laughing, ' that is consolatory. I 'm not half so great a reprobate as I thought myself ! I did not believe till now that there was an urchin of your stamp living who could not have furnished at least some 13 G 98 THE CONFESSIONS OF ancedotes for a memoir of me! Well, my lad, yonder, where you see the blue light at the peak, is the Firefly, and here, where I sit, is Sir Dudley Broughton. Ten minutes more will put us alongside, so, if you're not tired, pull away.' 'No, Sir Dudley,' said I, for I was well versed in the popular tact of catching up a name quickly, ' I am able to row twice as far.' ' And now, Master Con,' said he, ' we are going to part ; are you too young a disciple of your craft for a glass of grog ? or are you a follower of that newfangled notion of pale-faced politicians, who like bad coffee and reason better than whisky and fun ? ' ' 1 11 take nothing to drink, Sir Dudley,' said I. ' I have dined, and drunk well to-day, and I '11 not venture further.' ' As you please ; only I say you 're wrong not to victual the ship whenever you stand inshore. No matter, put your hand into this vest pocket — you '11 find some shillings there, take them, whatever they be. You '11 row the boat back with one of my people ; and all I have to say is, if you do speak of me, as no doubt you will and must, don't say anything about these smashed fingers; I suppose they'll get right one of these days, and I 'd rather there was no gossip about them.' ' I '11 never speak of it — I ' 'There now, that's enough, no swearing, or I know you '11 break your promise. Back water a little — pull the starboard oar : so, here we are alongside.' Sir Dudley had scarce done speaking when a hoarse voice from the yacht challenged us. This was replied to by a terrific volley of imprecations on the stupidity of not sooner showing the light, amid which Sir Dudley ascended the side and stood upon the deck. ' Where 's Halkett ? ' cried he imperiously. ' Here, sir,' replied a short, thickset man, with a sailorlike shuffle in his walk. 'Send one of the men back with the gig, and land that boy. Tell the fellow, too, he's not to fetch Waters aboard if he meets CON CREGAN 99 him ; the scoundrel went off and left me to my fate this evening, and it might have been no pleasant one if I had not found that lad yonder.' 'We have all Sam Waters' kit on board, Sir Dudley,' said Halkett ; ' shall we send it ashore ? ' ' No. Tell him I '11 leave it at Demerara for him, and he may catch the yellow fever in looking after it,' said he, laughing. While listening to this short dialogue I had contrived to approach a light which gleamed from the cabin window, and then took the opportunity to count over my wealth, amounting, as I supposed, to some seven or eight shillings. Guess my surprise to see that the pieces were all bright yellow gold — eight shining sovereigns ! I had but that instant made the discovery, when the sailor who was to put me on shore jumped into the boat and seated himself. ' Wait one instant,' cried I. ' Sir Dudley — Sir Dudley Broughton ! ' ' Well, what 's the matter ? ' said he, leaning over the side. ' This money you gave me ' 1 Not enough, of course ! I ought to have known that,' said he scornfully. ' Give the whelp a couple of half- crowns, Halkett, and send him adrift.' ' You 're wrong, sir,' cried I, with passionate eagerness ; ' they are gold pieces — sovereigns ! ' 'The devil they are!' cried he, laughing; 'the better luck yours. Why didn't you hold your tongue about it ? ' ' You bid me take some shillings, sir,' answered I. ' How d d honest you must be ! Do you hear that, Halkett ? the fellow had scruples about taking his prize- money. Never mind, boy, I must pay for my blunder — you may keep them now.' ' I have pride, too,' cried I, ' and hang me if I touch them.' He stared at me, without speaking, for a few minutes, and then said in a low flat voice, ' Come on deck, lad.' I obeyed ; and he took a lighted lantern from the binnacle 100 THE CONFESSIONS OF and held it up close to my face, and then moved it, so that he made a careful examination of my whole figure. ' I 'd give a crown to know who was your father,' said he dryly. ' Con Cregan, of Kilbeggan, sir.' ' Oh, of course, I know all that. Come, now, what say you to try a bit of life afloat ? Will you stay here ? ' ' Will you take me, sir ? ' cried I in ecstasy. ' Halkett, rig him out,' said he shortly. ' Nip the anchor with the ebb, and keep your course down channel.' With this he descended the cabin stairs and disappeared, while I, at a signal from Halkett, stepped down the ladder into the steerage. In the meanwhile, it will not be deemed digressionary if I devote a few words to the singular character into whose society I was now thrown, inasmuch as to convey any candid narrative of my own career, I must speak of those who, without influencing the main current of my life, yet certainly gave some impulse and direction to its first meanderings. Sir Dudley Broughton was the only son of a wealthy baronet, who, not from affection or overkindness, but out of downright indolent indifference, permitted him, first as an Eton boy, and afterwards as a gentleman commoner of Christ Church, to indulge in every dissipation that suited his fancy. An unlimited indulgence, a free command of whatever money he asked for, added to a temper con- stitutionally headstrong and impetuous, soon developed what might have been expected from the combination. He led a life of wild insubordination at school, and was expelled from Oxford. With faculties above rather than beneath mediocrity, and a certain aptitude for acquiring the knowledge most in request in society, he had the reputation of being one who, if he had not unhappily so addicted himself to dissipation, would have made a favourable figure in the world. After trying in vain to interest himself in the pursuits of a country life, of which the sporting was the only thing he found attractive, he CON CREGAN 101 joined a well-known light cavalry regiment, celebrated for numbering among its officers more fast men than any other corps in the service. His father, dying about the same time, left him in possession of a large fortune, which, with all his extravagance, was but slightly encumbered. This fact, coupled with his well-known reputation, made him popular with his brother officers, most of whom having run through nearly all they possessed, saw with pleasure a new Crcesus arrive in the regiment. Such a man as Broughton was just wanted, One had a charger to get off ; another wanted a purchaser for his four-in-hand drag. The senior captain was skilful at billiards ; and every one played ' Lansquenet ' and hazard. Besides various schemes against his purse, the colonel had a still more serious one against his person. He had a daughter, a handsome, fashionable-looking girl, with all the manners of society, and a great deal of that tact only to be acquired in the very best foreign society. That she was no longer in the fresh bloom of youth, nor with a reputation quite spotless, were matters well known in the regiment; but as she was still eminently handsome, and ' the Count Radchoff sky ' had been recalled by the emperor from the embassy of which he was secretary, Lydia Delmar was likely, in the opinions of keen-judging parties, to make a good hit with 'some young fellow who didn't know town.' Broughton was exactly the man Colonel Delmar wanted — good family, a fine fortune, and the very temper a clever woman usually contrives to rule with absolute sway. There would be, unfortunately, no novelty in recording the steps by which such a man is ruined. He did every- thing that men do who are bent upon testing Fortune to the utmost. He lent large sums to his ' friends ' ; he lost larger ones to them. When he did win, none ever paid him, except by a good-humoured jest upon his credit at Coutts'. ' What the devil do you want with money, Sir Dudley?' was an appeal he could never reply to. He 102 THE CONFESSIONS OF ran horses at Ascot, and got 'squeezed' — he played at ' Croeky's,' and fared no better ; but he was the favourite of the corps. 'We could never get on without Dudley,' was a common remark, and it satisfied him, that, with all his extravagance, he had made an investment in the hearts at least of his comrades. A few months longer of this ' fast ' career would, in all likelihood, have ruined him. He broke his leg by a fall in a steeplechase, and thus was driven, by sheer necessity, to lay up, and keep quiet for a season. Now came Colonel Delmar's opportunity; the moment the news reached Coventry, he set off with his daughter to Leamington. With the steeplechasing, hazard-playing, betting, drinking, yachting, driving Sir Dudley, there was no chance or even time for their plans ; but with a sick man on the sofa, bored by his inactivity, hipped for want of his usual resources, the game was open. The colonel's visit, too, had such an air of true kindness ! Broughton had left quarters without leave ; but, instead of reprimands, arrests, and Heaven knows what besides, there was Colonel Delmar — the fine old fellow, shaking his finger in mock rebuke, and saying, 'Ah, Dudley, my boy, I came down to give you a rare scolding, but this sad business has saved you ! ' And Lydia also, against whom he had ever felt a dislike — that prejudice your boisterous and noisy kind of men ever feel to clever women, whose sarcasms they know themselves exposed to — why, she was gentle good-nature and easy sisterlike kindness itself ! She did not, as the phrase goes, ' nurse him ' ; but she seldom left the room where he lay. She read aloud, selecting with a marvellous instinct the very kind of books he fancied. Novels, tales of everyday life, things of whose truthfulness he could form some judg- ment; and sketches wherein the author's views were about on a level with his own. She would sit at the window, too, and amuse him with descriptions of the people passing in the street ; such smart shrewd pictures were they of watering - place folks and habits, Dudley CON CREGAN 103 never tired of them ! She was unsurpassed for the style with which she could dress up an anecdote or a bit of gossip ; and if it verged upon the free, her French educa- tion taught her the nice perception of the narrow line that separates ' libertinage ' from indelicacy. So far from feeling impatient at his confinement to a sofa, therefore, Broughton affected distrust in his renovated limb for a full fortnight after the doctor had pronounced him cured. At last he was able to drive out, and soon afterwards to take exercise on horseback, Lydia Delmar and her father occasionally accompanying him. People will talk at Leamington, as they do at other places ; and so the gossips said that the rich — for he was still so reputed in the world — the ' rich ' Sir Dudley Broughton was going to marry Miss Delmar. Gossip is half-brother to that all-powerful director called Public Opinion; so that when Sir Dudley heard, some half-dozen times every day, what it was reputed he would do, he began to feel that he ought to do it. Accordingly they were married ; the world — at least the Leamington section of that large body — criticising the match precisely as it struck the interests and prejudices of the class they belonged to. Fathers and mothers agreed in thinking that Colonel Delmar was a shrewd old soldier, and had made an ' ex- cellent hit.' Young ladies pronounced Liddy — for a girl who had been out eight years — decidedly lucky. Lounging men at club doors looked knowingly at each other as they joked together in half sentences, ' No affair of mine ; but I did not think Broughton would have been caught so easily.' ' Yes, by Jove ! ' cried another, with a jockey like style of dress, ' he 'd not have made so great a mistake on the " Oaks " as to run an aged nag for a two-year-old ! ' ' I wonder he never heard of that Russian fellow ! ' said a third. ' Oh, yes ! ' sighed out a dandy, with an affected drawl ; ' poor dear Liddy did, indeed, catch a " Tartar ! " 104 THE CONFESSIONS OF Remarks such as these were the pleasant sallies the event provoked ; but so it is in higher and greater things in life. At the launch of a line-of -battle ship, the veriest vagrant in rags fancies he can predict for her defeat and shipwreck ! The Broughtons were now the great people of the London season, at least to a certain 'fast' set, who loved dinners at the ' Clarendon,' high play, and other concomitant pleasures. Her equipages were the most perfect ; her diamonds the most splendid ; while his dinners were as much reputed by one class as her toilette by another. Loans at ruinous interest ; sales of property for a tithe of its value; bills renewed at a rate that would have swamped Rothschild; purchases made at prices propor- tionate to the risk of non-payment ; reckless waste every- where ; robbing solicitors, cheating tradesmen, and dis- honest servants ! But why swell the list, or take trouble to show how the ruin came ? If one bad leak will cause a shipwreck, how is the craft to mount the waves with every plank riven asunder ? If, among the patriarchs who lend at usury, Broughton's credit was beginning to ebb, in the clubs at the West End, in the betting-ring, at Crockf ord's, and at Tattersall's, he was in all the splendour of his former fame. Anderson would trust him with half his stable. Howell and James would send him the epergne they had designed for a czar. And so he lived. With rocks and breakers ahead, he only ' carried on ' the faster and the freer. Not that he knew, indeed, the extent, or anything approaching the extent, to which his fortune was wrecked. All that he could surmise on the subject was founded on the increased difficulty he found in raising money — a circumstance his pliant solicitor invariably explained by that happy phrase, the 'tightness of the money-market.' This completely satisfied Sir Dudley, who, far from attri- buting it to his own almost exhausted resources, laid all CON CREGAN 105 the blame upon some trickery of foreign statesmen, some confounded disturbance in Ireland, something that the Foreign Secretary had done, or would not do ; and that thus the money folk would not trust a guinea out of their fingers. In fact, it was quite clear that to political intrigue and cabinet scheming all Sir Dudley's difficulties might fairly be traced ! It was just at this time that the Count Radchoffsky arrived once more in London in charge of a special mis- sion. No longer the mere secretary of embassy, driving about in his quiet cab, but an envoy extraordinary, with cordons and crosses innumerable. He was exactly the kind of man for Broughton's ' set,' so that he soon made his acquaintance, and was presented by him to Lady Broughton as a most agreeable fellow, and something very distinguished in his own country. She received him admirably — remembered to have met him, she thought, at Lord Edenbury's ; but he corrected her by saying it was at the Duke of Clifton's— a difference of testimony at which Broughton laughed heartily, saying, in his usual rough way, ' Well, it is pretty clear you didn't make much impression on each other.' The Russian noble was a stranger to the turf. In the details of arranging the approaching race, in apportioning the weights, and ages, and distances, Broughton passed his whole mornings for a month, sorely puzzled at times by the apathy of his northern friend, who actually never obtruded an opinion, or expressed a wish for information on the subject. Sir Dudley's book was a very heavy one, too. What ' he stood to win ' was a profound secret ; but knowing men said that if he lost it would be such a ' squeeze ' as had not been known at Newmarket since the Duke of York's day. Such an event, however, seemed not to enter into his own calculations ; and so confident was he of success, that he could not help sharing his good fortune with his friend 106 THE CONFESSIONS OF Radchoffsky, and giving him something in his own book. The count professed himself everlastingly grateful, but confessed that he knew nothing of racing matters; and that, above all, his Majesty the Emperor would be exces- sively annoyed if a representative of his in any way inter- fered with the race ; in fact, the honour of the Czar would be tarnished by such a proceeding. Against such reason- ings there could be no opposition; and Broughton only took to himself all the benefits he had destined for his friend. At last the eventful day came ; and although Sir Dudley had arranged that Lady Broughton should accompany him to the course, she was taken with some kind of ner- vous attack that prevented her leaving her bed. Her husband was provoked at this ill-timed illness, for he was still vain of her appearance in public ; but knowing that he could do nothing for hysterics, he sent for Doctor Barham; and then with all speed he started for the race. Among the friends who were to go along with him, the count had promised to make one; but despatches — that admirable excuse of diplomatists, from the great secretary to the humblest unpaid attache — despatches had just arrived, and if he could manage to get through his business early enough, ' he 'd certainly follow.' Scarcely had Sir Dudley reached the ground when a carriage drove up to the stand, and a gentleman descended in all haste. It was Mr. Taperton, his solicitor — his trusty man of loans and discounts for many a day. ' Eh, Tappy ! ' cried Broughton, ' come to sport a fifty on the filly ? ' 'Walk a little this way, Sir Dudley,' said he gravely; and his voice soon convinced the hearer that something serious was in the wind. 'What's the matter, man? You look as if Cardinal was dead-lame.' ' Sir Dudley, you must start from this at once. Holds- worth has taken proceedings on the bills ; Lord Corthern CON CREGAN 107 has foreclosed ; the whole body of the creditors are up, and you '11 be arrested before you leave the field ! ' If the threat had conveyed the ignominious penalty of felony, Broughton could not have looked more indignant. ' Arrested ! You don't mean that we cannot raise enough to pay these rascals ? ' ' Your outstanding bills are over twenty thousand, sir.' ' And if they be ; do you tell me that with my estate ' ' My dear Sir Dudley, how much of it is unencumbered ? what single portion, save the few hundreds a year of Lady Broughton's jointure, is not sunk under mortgage ? But this is no time for discussion ; get into the chaise with me ; we '11 reach London in time for the mail ; to-morrow you can be in Boulogne, and then we shall have time at least for an arrangement.' ' The race is just coming off ! how can I leave ? I 'm a steward ; besides, I have a tremendous book. Do you know how many thousands I stand to win here ? ' ' To lose, you mean,' said the solicitor. ' You 're sold ! ' The words were whispered so low as to be almost inaudible, but Broughton actually staggered as he heard them. ' Sold ! how ? what ? impossible, man ! who could sell me?' ' Only one man, perhaps ; but he has done it ! Is it true you have backed Calliope ? ' ' Yes ! ' said he, staring wildly. ' She was found hamstrung this morning in the stable, then,' said Taperton ; ' if you want to hear further partic- ulars you must ask your friend the Count Radchoffsky ! ' ' The scoundrel ! the black-hearted villain ! I see it all ! ' cried Broughton. ' Come, Taperton, let us start ! I '11 go with you; by Jove, you have found a way to make me eager for the road ! ' The lawyer read in the bloodshot eye, and flushed face, the passion for vengeance that was boiling within him ; but he never spoke as they moved on and entered the carriage. 108 THE CONFESSIONS OF It was full three hours before the expected time of his return when the chaise in which they travelled drew up at the 'Clarendon,' and Broughton, half wild with rage, dashed upstairs to the suite of splendid rooms he occupied. ' Oh dear, Sir Dudley ! ' cried the maid, as she saw him hastening along the corridor ; ' oh, I 'm sure, sir, how you '11 alarm my lady if she sees you so flurried ! ' 'Stand out of the way, woman!' said he roughly, endeavouring to push her to one side, for she had actually placed herself between him and the door of the drawing- room. ' Surely, sir, you '11 not terrify my lady ! Surely, Sir Dudley ' Despite her cries, for they had now become such, Broughton pushed her rudely from the spot, and entered the room. Great was his astonishment to find Lady Broughton, whom he had left so ill, not only up, but dressed as if for the promenade ; her face was flushed, and her eye restless and feverish, and her whole manner exhibited the highest degree of excitement. Broughton threw down his hat upon the table, and then returning to the door, locked and bolted it. ' Good heavens, Dudley ! ' exclaimed she, in a voice of terror. ' What has happened ? ' ' Everything ! ' said he ; ' utter ruin ! The whole crew of creditors are in full chase after me, and in a few hours we shall be stripped of all we possess.' She drew a long full breath as she listened ; and had her husband been in a mood to mark it, he might have seen how lightly his terrible tidings affected her. ' I must fly ! Taperton — he 's in the carriage below — says France, at least for some weeks, till we can make some compromise or other ; but I have one debt that must be acquitted before I leave.' There was a terrible significance in the words, and CON CREGAN 109 she was sick to the heart as she asked, 'What, and to whom ? ' ' Radchoffsky ! ' cried he savagely ; ' that scoundrel whom I trusted like a brother ! ' Lady Broughton fell back, and for a moment her motionless limbs and pallid features seemed like fainting ; but with a tremendous effort rallying herself, she said, 'Goon!' ' He betrayed me ! told every circumstance of my book ! and the mare I had backed for more than thirty thousand is dying this instant! so that I am not only ruined, but dishonoured ! ' She sat with wide staring eyes and half-open lips while he spoke, nor did she seem, in the fearful confusion of her fear, to understand fully all he said. ' Have I not spoken plainly ? ' said he angrily ; ' don't you comprehend me, when I say that to-morrow I shall be branded as a defaulter at the settling? But enough of this. Tell Millar to get a portmanteau ready for me. I '11 start this evening ; the interval is short enough for all I have to do.' As he spoke, he hastened to his bedroom, and providing himself with a case containing his duelling pistols, he hurried downstairs, ordering the postillion to drive to the Russian Embassy. The carriage was scarce driven from the door when Lady Broughton, taking a key from her pocket, opened a small door which led from the drawing-room into her dressing-room, from which the count walked forth — his calm features unruffled and easy as though no emotion had ever stirred them. 'You heard what Broughton said?' whispered she, in an accent of faltering agitation. ' Oui, parbleu, every word of it ! ' replied he, laughing gently. ' The people of the house might almost have heard him.' 'And is it true?' asked she, while a cold sickness crept over her, and her mouth was shaken convulsively. 110 THE CONFESSIONS OF ' I believe so,' said he calmly. ' Oh, Alexis, do not say so ! ' cried she, in an agony of grief; ' or, least of all, in such a voice as that.' He shrugged his shoulders, and then, after a moment's pause, said, 'I confess myself quite unprepared for this show of affection, madame ' 'Not so, Alexis. It is for you I am concerned — for your honour as a gentleman, for your fair fame among men ' ' Pardon, madame, if I interrupt you ; but the defence of my honour must be left to myself ' ' If I had but thought this of you ' ' It is never too late for repentance, madame. I should be sorry to think I could deceive you.' ' Oh, it is too late ! far too late ! ' cried she, bursting into tears. ' Let us go ! I must never see him again ! I would not live over that last half -hour again to save me from a death of torture ! ' 1 Allow me, then,' said he, taking her shawl and draping it on her shoulders, ' the carriage is ready ' ; and with these words, spoken with perfect calm, he presented his arm and led her from the room. To return to Sir Dudley. On arriving at the Russian Embassy he could learn nothing of the whereabouts of him he sought ; a young secretary, however, with whom he had some intimacy, drawing him to one side, whispered, 1 Wait here a moment ; I have a strange revelation to make you, but in confidence, remember, for it must not get abroad.' The story was this: — Count Radchoffsky had been, on his recall from the Embassy, detected in some Polish intrigue, and ordered to absent himself from the capital, and preserve a life of strict retirement, under police ' surveillance ' ; from this he had managed to escape and reach England, with forged credentials of Envoy Extraordinary, the mission being an invention of his own to gain currency in the world, and obtain for him loans of large sums from various houses in the ' City.' CON CREGAN 111 'As he knows,' continued Broughton's informant, 'from his former experience, the day of our courier's expected arrival, he has up to this lived fearlessly and openly ; but the despatch having reached us through the French cabinet sooner than he expected, his plot is revealed. The great difficulty is to avoid all publicity; for we must have no magisterial interference, no newspaper or police notoriety ; all must be done quietly, and he must be shipped off to Russia without a rumour of the affair getting abroad.' Broughton heard all this with the dogged satisfaction of a man who did not well know whether to be pleased or otherwise that an object of personal vengeance had been withdrawn from him. But not accustomed to dwell long on any subject where the main interest of his own line of action was wanting, he drove home to his hotel to hasten the preparations for his departure. On his arrival at the ' Clarendon,' a certain bustle and movement in the hall and on the stairs attracted his attention, and before he could inquire the cause, a half- whisper, ' There he is ; that 's Sir Dudley ! ' made him turn round; the same instant a heavy hand was laid on his shoulder, and a man said, ' I arrest you, Sir Dudley Broughton, at the suit of Messrs. Worrit and Sneare, Lombard Street.' ' Be calm ; don't make any resistance,' whispered Taper- ton in his ear ; ' come upstairs.' They passed on and entered the drawing-room, where everything appeared in disorder. As for Broughton, he was bewildered and stupefied by all he had gone through, and sat in a chair staring vacantly at the groups around him, evidently unable, through the haze of his disordered faculties, to see clearly how, and in what, he was interested in the affair. ' Where 's my lady ? ' whispered Taperton to the valet, who stood almost as spell-bound as his master. ' Gone, sir ; she 's gone,' said the man, in a faint voice. ' Gone where ? scoundrel ! ' said Sir Dudley, jumping up 112 THE CONFESSIONS OF and seizing him by the throat with both hands, while he roared out the words with a savage vehemence that startled all the room. ' Gone away, Sir Dudley,' said the half -choking man ; ' I saw her drive off in a chaise and pair with Count Radchoffsky.' Broughton let go his hold, and fell heavily upon his face to the ground. A surgeon was called in, who at once perceived that the attack was one of apoplexy. For that night, and part of the next day, his recovery was almost hopeless; for, though repeatedly bled, he gave no signs of returning animation, but lay heaving, at intervals, long heavy sighs, and respiring with an effort that seemed to shake the strong frame in convulsions. Youth and bold remedies, however, favoured him, and on the third morning he awoke, weak and weary, like one who had just reached convalescence after a long and terrible fever. His features, his gestures, his very voice, were all altered ; there was a debility about him — mental and physical — that seemed like premature decay ; and they who knew the bold, high-spirited man of a few days before, could never have recognised him in the simple- looking, vacant, and purposeless invalid, who sat there, to all seeming, neither noticing nor caring what happened around him. It is true, indeed, few essayed the com- parison. Of those who visited him the greater number were creditors, curious to speculate on his recovery ; there were a couple of reporters, too, for gossiping newspapers, desirous of coining a paragraph to amuse the town; but no friends — not a man of those who dined, and drank, and drove, and played with him. In fact, his fate was soon for- gotten even in the very circles of which he had been the centre ; nor did his name ever meet mention, save in some stale report of a bankruptcy examination, or a meeting of creditors to arrange for the liquidation of his debts. The wasteful, heedless extravagance of his mode of living was urged even to vindictiveness by his creditors ; COX C REGAN 113 so that for three years he remained a prisoner in the Fleet ; and it was only when they saw he had no feeling of either shame or regret at his imprisonment, that an arrangement was at last agreed to, and he was liberated — set free to mix in a world in which he had not one tie to bind, or one interest to attach him ! From that hour forth none ever knew how far his memory retained the circumstances of his past life ; he never certainly mentioned them to any of those with whom he formed companionship ; nor did he renew acquaintance with one among his former friends. By great exertions on the part of his lawyers, almost a thousand a year was secured to him from the wreck of his great fortune, the proceeds of a small estate that had belonged to his mother. On this income he lived some time in total seclusion, when, to the astonishment of all, he was again seen about town, in company with men of the most equivocal character : noted gamblers at hells. ' Legs of Newmarket,' and others, to whom report attributed bolder and more daring feats of iniquity. "While it was a debated point among certain fashionables of the clubs how far he "was to be recognised by them, he saved them all the difficulty by passing his most intimate friends "without a bow, or the slightest sign of recognition. A stern, repulsive frown never left his features: and he whose frank, light-hearted buoyancy had been a proverb, was grave and silent, rarely admitting anything like an intimacy, and avoiding what- ever could be called a friendship. After a while he was missed from his accustomed haunts, and it was said that he had purchased a yacht, and amused himself by sea excursions. Then there came a rumour of his being in the Carlist insurrection in Spain, some said with a high command ; and afterwards he was seen in a French voltigeur regiment serving in Africa. From all these varied accidents of life he came back to London, frequenting, as before, the same play-resorts, and 13 H 114 THE CONFESSIONS OF betting sums whose amount often trenched upon the limits of the bank. If, in his early life, he was a con- stant loser, now he invariably won ; and he was actually the terror of hell-keepers, whose superstitious fears of certain 'lucky ones' are a well-known portion of their creed. As for himself, he seemed to take a kind of fiendish sport in following up this new turn of fortune. It was like a Nemesis on those who had worked his ruin! One man in particular, a well-known Jew money-lender, of great wealth, he pursued with all the vindictive per- severance of revenge. He tracked him from London to Brighton, to Cheltenham, to Leamington, to Newmarket, to Goodwood; he followed him to Paris, to Brussels; wherever in any city the man opened a table for play there was Broughton sure to be found. At last, by way of eluding all pursuit, the Jew went over to Ireland — a country where of all others fewest resources for his traffic presented themselves; and here again, despite change of name, and every precaution of secrecy, Broughton traced him out ; and on the night when I first met him, he was on his return from a hell on the Quays, where he had broken the bank, and arisen a winner of above two thousand pounds. The peculiar circumstances of that night's adventure are easily told. He was followed from the play-table by two men, witnesses of his good fortune, who saw that he carried the entire sum on his person ; and from his manner — a feint I found he often assumed — they believed him to be drunk. A row was accordingly organised at the closing of the play, the lights were extinguished, and a terrible scene of tumult and outrage ensued, whose sole object was to rob Broughton of his winnings. After a desperate struggle, in which he received the wound I have mentioned, he escaped by leaping from a window into the street, a feat too daring for his assailants to imitate. The remainder is already known ; and I CON CREGAN 115 have only again to ask niy reader's indulgent pardon for this long episode, without which, however, I felt I could not have asked his companionship on board the Firefly. (Sh-v the slash of a most atrocious about thirteen THE VOYAGE OUT The crew of the Firefly consisted of twelve persons, natives of almost as many countries. Indeed to see them all muster on deck, it was like a little congress of European rascality — such a set of hang-dog, sullen, reckless wretches were they, Halkett, the Eng- lishman, being the only one whose features were not a criminal indict- ment, and he, with his nose split by cutlass, was himself no beauty. The of all, however, was a Moorish boy, years of age, called El Jarasch (the fiend), whose diabolical ugliness did not belie the family THE CONFESSIONS OF CON CREGAN 117 name. His functions on board were to feed and take care of two young lion whelps, which Sir Dudley had brought with him from an excursion in the interior of Africa. Whether from his blood, or the nature of his occupation, I know not, but I certainly could trace in his features all the terrible traits of the creatures he tended. The wide distended nostrils, the bleared and bloodshot eyes, the large full-lipped mouth, drawn back by the strong muscles at its angles, and the great swollen vessels of the forehead, were developed in him, as in the wild beasts. He imitated the animals, too, in all his gestures, which were sudden and abrupt; the very way he ate, tearing his food and rending it in fragments, like a prey, showed the type he followed. His dress was handsome, almost gorgeous ; a white tunic of thin muslin reached to the knees, over which he wore a scarlet cloth jacket, open, and without sleeves — this was curiously slashed and laced, by a wonderful tissue of gold thread, so delicately traceried as to bear the most minute examination ; a belt of burnished gold, like a succession of clasps, supported a small scimitar, whose scabbard of ivory and gold was of exquisite workmanship, the top of the handle being formed by a single emerald of purest colour ; his legs were bare, save at the ankles, where two rings of massive gold en- circled them ; on his feet he wore a kind of embroidered slippers, curiously studded with precious stones. A white turban of muslin, delicately sprigged with gold, covered his head, looped in front by another large emerald, which glared and sparkled like an eye in the centre of his fore- head. This was his gala costume ; but his everyday one resembled it in everything, save the actual value of the material. Such was El Jarasch, who was to be my com- panion and my messmate, a fact which seemed to afford small satisfaction to either of us. Nothing could less resemble his splendour than the simplicity of my costume. Halkett, when ordered to 118 THE CONFESSIONS OF 'rig me out,' not knowing what precise place I was to occupy on board, proceeded to dress me from the kit of the sailor we had left behind in Dublin ; and although, by rolling up the sleeves of my jacket, and performing the same office for the legs of my trousers, my hands and feet could be rendered available to me, no such ready method could prevent the clothes bagging around me in every absurd superfluity, and making me appear more like a stunted monster than a human being. Beside my splendidly costumed companion I made, indeed, but a sorry figure, nor was it long dubious that he himself thought so ; the look of savage contempt he first bestowed on me, and then the gaze of ineffable pleasure he accorded to himself afterwards, having a wide interval between them. Neither did it improve my condition, in his eyes, that I could lay claim to no distinct duty on board. While I was ruminating on this fact, the morning after I joined the yacht, we were standing under easy sail, with a bright sky and a calm sea, the south-eastern coast of Ireland on our lee, the heaving swell of the blue water, the flutter- ing bunting from gaff and peak, the joyous bounding motion, were all new and inspiriting sensations, and I was congratulating myself on the change a few hours had wrought in my fortune, when Halkett came to tell me that Sir Dudley wanted to speak with me in his cabin. He was lounging on a little sofa when I entered, in a loose kind of dressing-gown, and before him stood the materials of his yet untasted breakfast. The first effect of my appearance was a burst of laughter, and although there is nothing I have ever loved better to hear than a hearty laugh, his was not of a kind to inspire any very pleasant or mirthful sensations. It was a short, husky, barking noise, with derision and mockery in every cadence of it. ' What the devil have we here ? Why, boy, you 'd dis- grace a stone-lighter at Sheerness. Who rigged you in that fashion ? ' ' Mr. Halkett, sir.' CON CREGAN 119 ' Halkett, if you please ; I know no " misters " among my crew. Well, this must be looked to; but Halkett might have known better than to send you here in such a guise.' I made no answer ; and, apparently, for some minutes, he forgot all about me, and busied himself in a large chart, which covered the table. At last he looked up ; and then, after a second or two spent in recalling me to his recollection, said, ' Oh, you 're the lad I took up last night ; very true ; I wanted to speak with you. What can you do, besides what I have seen, for I trust surgery is an art we shall seldom find use for — can you cook ? ' I was ashamed to say that I could boil potatoes and fry rashers, which were all my culinary gifts, and so I replied that ' I could not.' 'Have you never been in any service, or any kind of employment ? ' ' Never, sir.' ' Always a vagabond ? ' 'Always, sir.' ' Well, certes, I have the luck of it ! ' said he, with one of his low laughs. ' It is, perhaps, all the better. Come, my boy, it does not seem quite clear to me what we can make of you ; we have no time, nor, indeed, any patience for making sailors of striplings ; we always prefer the ready-made article, but you must pick up what you can ; keep your watches when on board, and when you go ashore anywhere, you shall be my scout ; therefore, don't throw away your old rags, but be ready to resume them when wanted — you hear ? ' 'Yes, sir.' ' So far ! Now, the next thing is, and it is right you should know it, though I keep a yacht for my pleasure and amusement, I sometimes indulge myself in a little smuggling — which is also a pleasure and amusement — and, therefore, my people are liable, if detected, to be sentenced to a smart term of imprisonment — not that this has yet 120 THE CONFESSIONS OF happened to any of them, but it may, you know — so it is only fair to warn you.' ' 1 11 take my chance with the rest, sir.' 'Well said, boy! There are other little ventures, too, I sometimes make, but you 'd not understand them, so we need not refer to them. Now, as to the third point — discipline. So long as you are on board, I expect obedience in everything ; that you agree with your messmates, and never tell a lie. On shore, you may cut each other's throats to your hearts' content. Remember, then, the lesson is easy enough : if you quarrel with your comrades I '11 flog you ; if you ever deceive my by an untruth, I '11 blow your brains out ! ' The voice in which he spoke these last few words grew harsher and louder ; and, at the end, it became almost a shout of angry denunciation. ' For your private governance, I may say, you '11 find it wise to be good friends with Halkett, and if you can, with Jarasch. Go now, I 've nothing more to say.' I was about to retire, when he called me back. 'Stay! you've said nothing to me, nor have I to you, about your wages.' ' I want none, sir. It is enough for me if I am provided in all money could buy for me.' ' No deceit, sir ! No trickery with me ! ' cried he fiercely, and he glared savagely at me. ' It is not deceit nor trick either,' said I boldly ; ' but I see, sir, it is not likely you'll ever trust one whom you saw in the humble condition you found me. Land me, then, at the first port you put in to. Leave me to follow out my fortune my own way.' ' What if I take you at your word,' said he, ' and leave you among the red Moors, on the coast of Barbary ? ' I hung my head in shame and dismay. ' Ay, or dropped you with the Tongo chiefs, who 'd grill you for breakfast ? ' ' But we are nigh England now, sir.' 'We shall not long be so,' cried he joyfully. 'If this CON CREGAN 121 breeze last, you '11 see Cape Clear by sunrise, and not look on it again at sunset. There, away with you ! Tell Halkett I desire that you should be mustered with the rest of the fellows, learn the use of a cutlass, and to load a pistol without blowing your fingers off.' He motioned me now to leave, and I withdrew, if I must own it, only partially pleased with my new servitude. One word here to explain my conduct, which, perhaps, in the eyes of some, may appear inconsistent or im- probable. It may be deemed strange and incomprehensible why I, poor, friendless, and low-born, should have been indifferent, even to the refusal of all wages. The fact is this : I had set out upon my ' life pilgrimage ' with a most firm conviction that one day or other, sooner or later, I should be a ' gentleman ' ; that I should mix on terms of equality with the best and the highest, not a trace or a clue to my former condition being in any respect discoverable. Now, with this one paramount object before me, all my endeavours were gradually to conform, so far as might be, all my modes of thought and action to that sphere wherein yet I should move. To learn, one by one, the usages of gentle blood, so that when my hour came I should step into my position ready suited to all its requirements, and equal to all its demands. If this explanation does not make clear the reasons of my generosity, and my other motives of honourable conduct, I am sorry for it, for I have none other to offer. I have said that I retired from my interview with Sir Dudley not at all satisfied with the result. Indeed, as I pondered over it, I could not help feeling that gentlemen must dislike any traits of high and honourable motives in persons of my own station, as though they were assuming the air of their betters. What could rags have in common with generous impulses — how could poverty and hunger ever consort with high sentiments or noble aspirations ? They forgive us, thought I, when we mimic 122 THE CONFESSIONS OF their dress, and pantomime their demeanour, because we only make ourselves ridiculous by the imitation ; but when we would assume the features that regulate their own social intercourse they hate us, as though we sullied, with our impure touch, the virtues of a higher class of beings. The more I thought over this subject, the more strongly was I satisfied that I was correct in my judgment; and, sooth to say, the less did I respect that condition in life which could deem any man too poor to be high-minded. Sir Dudley's anticipations were all correct. The follow- ing evening at sunset the great headlands of the south of Ireland were seen, at first clear, and, at last, like hazy fog-banks; while our light vessel scudded along, her prow pointing to where the sun had just set, behind the horizon, and then did I learn that we were bound for North America. Our voyage for some weeks was undistinguished by any feature of unusual character. The weather was uniformly fine ; steady breezes from the north-east, with a clear sky and a calm sea, followed us as we went, so that, in the pleasant monotony of our lives, one day exactly resembled another. It will, therefore, suffice if, in a few words, I tell how the hours were passed. Sir Dudley came on deck after breakfast, when I spread out a large white bear's- skin for him to lie upon; reclined on which, and with a huge meerschaum of great beauty in his hand, he smoked and watched the lions at play. These gambols were always amusing, and never failed to assemble all the crew to witness them. Jarasch, dressed in a light woollen tunic, with legs, arms, and neck bare, led them forth by a chain ; and, after presenting them to Sir Dudley, from whose hands they usually received a small piece of sugar, they were then set at liberty, a privilege they soon availed themselves of, setting off at full speed around the deck, sometimes one in pursuit of the other, sometimes by different ways, crossing and recrossing each other; now with a bold spring, now with catlike stealthiness, creeping CON CREGAN 123 slowly past. The exercise, far from fatiguing, seemed only to excite them more and more, since all this time they were in search of the food which Jarasch, with a cunning all his own, knew how, each day, to conceal in some new fashion. Baffled and irritated by delay, the eyes grew red and lustrous, the tails stiffened, and were either carried high over the back or extended straight back- wards ; they contracted their necks too, till the muscles were gathered up in thick massive folds, and then their great heads seemed actually fastened on the forepart of the trunk. When their rage had been sufficiently whetted by delay, Jarasch would bring forth the mess in a large ' grog-tub,' covered with a massive lid, on which seating himself, and armed with a short stout bludgeon, he used to keep the beasts at bay. This, "which was the most exciting part of the spectacle, presented every possible variety of combat. Sometimes he could hold them in check for nigh half an hour, some- times the struggle would scarce last five minutes. Now, he would, by a successful stroke, so intimidate one of his assailants that he could devote all his energies against the other. Now, by a simultaneous attack, the savage creatures would spring upon and overthrow him, and then, with all the semblance of ungovernable passion, they would drag him some distance along the deck, mouthing him with frothy lips, and striking him about the head with their huge paws, from which they would not desist till some of the sailors, uncovering the mess, would tempt them off by the savour of the food. Although, in general, these games passed off with little other damage than a torn tunic, or a bruise more or less severe, at others Jarasch would be so sorely mauled as to be carried off insensible ; nor would he again be seen for the remainder of the day. That the combat was not quite devoid of peril was clear, by the fact that several of the sailors were always armed, some with staves, others with cutlasses, since, in the event of a bite, and blood flowing, nothing 124 THE CONFESSIONS OF but immediate and prompt aid could save the boy from being devoured. This he knew well, and the exercises were always discontinued whenever the slightest cut, or even a scratch, existed in any part of his person. Each day seemed to heighten the excitement of these exhibitions; for, as Jarasch became more skilful in his defence, so did the whelps in the mode of attack ; besides that their growth advanced with incredible rapidity, and soon threatened to make the amusement no longer prac- ticable. This display over, Sir Dudley played at chess with Halkett, while I, seated behind him, read aloud some book — usually one of voyages and travels. In the afternoon he went below, and studied works in some foreign language of which he appeared most eager to acquire a knowledge, and I was then ordered to copy out, into a book, various extracts of different routes in all parts of the world; sometimes, the mode of crossing a Syrian desert ; now the shortest and safest way through the wild regions on the shores of the Adriatic. At one time the theme would be the steppes of Tartary, or the snowy plains of the Ukraine; at another, the dangerous passes of the Cordilleras, or the hunting-grounds of the Mandans. What delightful hours were these to me — how full of the very highest interest; the wildest adventures were here united with narratives of real events and people, presenting human life in aspects the strangest and most varied. How different from my old clerkship with my father — with the interminable string of bastard and broken law Latin ! I believe that in all my after-life, fortunate as it has been in so many respects, I have never passed hours more happy than these were. In recompense for my secretarial functions I was free of the middle watch ; so that, instead of turning into my berth at sundown, to snatch some sleep before midnight, I could lounge about at will — sometimes dropping into the steerage to listen to some seaman's 'yarn' of storm and shipwreck, but far oftener, book in hand, taking a lesson CON CREGAN 125 in French from the old cook, for which I paid him in being aide-de-cuisine ; or, with more hardy industry, assisting our fat German mate to polish up his Regensburg pistols, by which I made some progress in that tongue of harsh and mysterious gutturals. Through all these occupations the thought never left me — what could be the object of Sir Dudley's continued voyaging ? No feature of pleasure was certainly associated with it, as little could it be attributed to the practice of smuggling — the very seas he had longest cruised in forbade that notion. It must be, thought I, that other reason to which he so darkly alluded on the day he called me to his cabin; and what could that be? Never was ingenuity more tortured than mine by this ever-recurring question, since, it is needless to tell the reader, I was not then, nor indeed for a very long time afterwards, acquainted with those particulars of his history I have already jotted down. This intense curiosity of mine would, doubtless, have worn itself out at last, but for a slight circumstance occurring to keep it still alive within me. The little state- room in which I used to write lay at one side of the cabin, from which it was entered — no other means of getting to it existing ; a heavy silk curtain supplied the place of a door between the two ; and this, when four o'clock came, and my day's work was finished, was let down till the following morning, when it was drawn aside that Sir Dudley, from time to time, might see, and if needful, speak with me. Now, one day, when we had been about three weeks at sea, the weather being intensely hot and sultry, Sir Dudley had fallen asleep in his cabin while I sat writing away vigorously within. Suddenly, I heard a shout on deck — ' The whales ! a shoal of whales ahead ! ' and immediately the sudden scuffling of feet, and the heavy hum of voices, proclaimed the animation and interest the sight created. I strained myself to peep through the little one-paned window beside me, but all I could see was the great blue heaving ocean, as, in 126 THE CONFESSIONS OF majestic swell, it rolled along. Still the noise continued ; and, by the number and tone of the speakers, I could detect that all the crew were on deck — every one, in fact, save myself. What a disappointment! full as my mind was of every monster of land and water, burning to observe some of the wonderful things I had read so much about, and now destined actually to be denied a sight on which my comrades were then gazing ! I could endure the thought no longer ; and although my task was each morning allotted to me, and carefully examined the next day by Sir Dudley, I stepped lightly out on tiptoe, and letting fall the curtain so that if he awoke I should not be missed, I stole up 'the companion,' and reached the deck. What a sight was there ! The whole sea around us was in motion with the great monsters, who, in pursuit of a shoal of herrings, darted at speed through the blue water — spouting, blowing, and tossing in all the wildest con- fusion; here every eye was bent on a calm still spot in the water, where a whale had 'sounded' — that is, gone down quite straight into the depths of the sea ; here, another was seen scarcely covered by the water, his monstrous head and back alternately dipping below, or emerging above it. Harpoons and tackle were sought out, firearms loaded, and every preparation for attack and capture made, but none dared to venture without orders, nor was any hardy enough to awake him and ask for them. Perhaps the very expectancy on our part increased the interest, for certainly the excitement of the scene was intense ; so much so, that I actually forgot all about my task, and, without a thought of consequences, was hanging eagerly over the taffrail in full enjoyment of the wild scene, when the tinkle of the captain's bell started me, and to my horror I remembered it was now his dinner hour, and that, for the rest of the day, no opportunity would offer of my reaching the state-room to finish my writing. CON CREGAN 127 I was so terrified that I lost all interest in the spectacle, whereof, up to that time, my mind was full. It was my first delinquency, and had all the poignancy of a first fault. The severity I had seen practised on others, for even slight infractions of duty, was all before me, and I actually debated with myself whether it would not be better to jump overboard at once than meet the anger of Sir Dudley. With any one else, perhaps, I should have bethought me of some cunning lie to account for my absence, but he had warned me about trying to deceive him, and I well knew he could be as good as his word. I had no courage to tell any of the sailors my fault, and ask their advice ; indeed, I anticipated what would be the result : some brutal jest over my misfortune, some coarse allusion to the fate they had often told me portended me, since ' no younker had ever gone from land to land with Sir Dudley without tasting his hemp fritters.' I sat down, therefore, beside the bowsprit, where none should see me, to commune alone with my grief, and, if I could, to summon up courage to meet my fate. Night had closed in some time, and all was tranquil on board, when I saw Halkett, as was his custom, going aft to the cabin, where he always remained for an hour or more each evening. It was just then, I know not how the notion occurred, but it struck me that if I could lower myself over the side, I might be able to creep through the little window into the state-room, and carry away the paper to finish it before morning. I lost little time in setting about my plot ; and having made fast a rope to one of the clews, I lowered myself, fearlessly, over the gunwale, and pushing open the little sash, which was unfastened, I soon managed to insert my head and shoulders, and without any difficulty dragging my body slowly after, entered the state-room. So long as the danger of the enterprise and its difficulty lasted, so long my courage was high and my heart fearless ; but when I sat down in the little dark room, scarcely venturing to 128 THE CONFESSIONS OF breathe, lest I should be overheard, almost afraid to touch the papers on the table, lest their rustling noise should betray me, how was this terror increased when I actually heard the voices of Sir Dudley and Halkett as plainly as though I were in the cabin beside them ! 'And so, Halkett,' said Sir Dudley, 'you think this expedition will be as fruitless as the others ? ' ' I do, sir,' said the other, in a low, dogged tone. ' And yet you were the very man who encouraged me to make it ! ' ' And what of that ! Of two things, I thought it more likely that he should be the leader of a band to a regiment in Canada, than be a Faquino on the Mole of Genoa. A fellow like him could scarcely fall so low as that.' ' He shall fall lower, by heaven, if I live ! ' said Sir Dudley, in a voice rendered guttural with deep passion. ' Take care you fall not with him, sir,' said Halkett, in a tone of warning. ' And if I should — for what else have I lived these three last years ? In that pursuit have I perilled health and life, satisfied to lose both if I but succeed at last.' ' And how do you mean to proceed ? for, assuredly, if he be attached to the regiment at Kingston he 11 hear of you, from some source or other. You remember, when we all but had him at Torlosk, and yet he heard of our coming before we got two posts from Warsaw ; and again, at " Forli," we had scarce dropped anchor off Rimini when he was up and away.' ' I '11 go more secretly to work this time, Halkett : hitherto I have been slow to think the fellow a coward. It is so hard to believe anything so base, as a man bereft of every trait of virtue ; now I see clearly that he is so. 1 11 track him, not to offer him the chances of a duel — but to hunt him down as I would a wild beast. I'll proceed up the river in the disguise of an itinerant merchant — one of those pedlar fellows of which this land is full — taking the Irish dog along with me.' CON CREGAN 129 ' Of whom, remember, you know nothing, sir,' interposed Halkett. ' Nor need to know,' said he, impatient at the inter- ruption. ' Let him play me false ; let me only suspect that he means it, and my reckoning with him will be short. I have watched him closely of late, and I see the fellow's curiosity is excited about us ; he is evidently on the alert to learn something of our object in this voyage ; but the day he gains the knowledge, Tom, will be his last to enjoy it. It is a cheap process if we are at sea — a dark night and an eighteen-pound shot ! If on shore, I '11 readily find some one to take the trouble off my hands.' It may be imagined with what a sensation of terror I heard these words, feeling that my actual position at the moment would have decided my fate, if discovered ; and yet, with all this, I could not stir, nor make an effort to leave the spot ; a fascination to hear the remainder of the conversation had thoroughly bound me as by a spell, and in breathless anxiety I listened as Sir Dudley resumed. ' You, with Heckenstein and the Greek, must follow, ready to assist me when I need your aid ; for my plan is this : I mean to entice the fellow, on pretence of a pleasure excursion, a few miles from the town, into the bush, there to bind him hand and foot, and convey him, by the forest tracks, to the second " portage," where the batteaux are stationed, by one of which — these Canadian fellows are easily bribed — we shall drop down to Montreal ; there the yacht shall be in waiting all ready for sea. Even without a wind, three days will bring us off the Island of Orleans, and as many more, if we be but fortunate, to the Gulf. The very worst that can happen is discovery and detection, and if that ensue, I '11 blow his brains out.' ' And if we succeed in carrying him off, Sir Dudley, what then ? ' 'I have not made up my mind, Halkett, what I'll do. I 've thought of a hundred schemes of vengeance ; but, 13 I 130 THE CONFESSIONS OF confound it, I must be content with one only, though fifty deaths would not satisfy my hate.' ? I 'd put a bullet through his skull, or swing him from the yard-arm, and make an end of it,' said Halkett roughly. ' Not I, 'faith ; he shall live ; and, if I can have my will, a long life too. His own government would take charge of him at " Irkutsk," for that matter at the quicksilver mines ; and they say the diseased bones, from the absorp- tion of that poison, is a terrible punishment. But I have a better notion still. Do you remember that low island off the east shore of the Niger, where the negro fellows live in log-huts, threshing the water all day to keep the caymans from the rice-grounds ?' ' The devil ! ' exclaimed Halkett, ' you '11 not put him there ? ' ' I have thought of it very often,' said Sir Dudley calmly. ' He 'd see his doom before him every day, and dream of it each night too. One cannot easily forget that horrid swamp, alive and moving with those reptiles ! It was nigh two months ere I could fall asleep at night without starting up in terror at the thought of them.' Sir Dudley arose as he said this, and walked the cabin with impatient steps ; sometimes as he passed his arm would graze the curtain, and shake its folds, and then my heart leaped to my mouth in very terror. At last, with an effort that I felt as the last chance of life, I secured the papers in my bosom, and, standing up on the seat, crept through the window, and, after a second's delay to adjust the rope, clambered up the side, and gained the deck unobserved. It could not have been real fatigue, for there was little or no exertion in the feat; but yet such was my state of exhaustion that I crept over to the boat that was fastened midships, and lying down in her, on a coil of cable, slept soundly till morning. If my boyish experiences had familiarised my mind with schemes of vengeance as terrible as ever fiction fabricated, I had yet to learn that ' gentlemen ' cherished such feelings, and I own the CON CREGAN 131 discovery gave me a tremendous shock. That some awful debt of injury was on Sir Dudley's mind was clear enough, and that I was to be, in some capacity or other, an aid to him in acquitting it, was a fact I was more convinced of than pleased at. Neither did I fancy his notions of summary justice ; perhaps it was my legal education had prejudiced me in favour of more formal proceedings ; but I saw, with a most constitutional horror, the function of justice, jury, and executioner, in the hands of one single individual. So impressed was I with these thoughts that had I not been on the high seas I should inevitably have run for it. Alas, however, the banks of Newfoundland — which, after all I had heard mentioned on our voyage, I imagined to be grassy slopes, glittering with daisies, and yellow with daffodils — are but sand heaps, some two hundred fathoms down in the ocean blue ; and all one ever knows of them is the small geological specimens brought up on the tallowed end of the deep-sea lead. Escape, therefore, was for the present out of the question ; but the steady determination to attempt it was spared me, by a circum- stance that occurred about a week later. After some days of calm, common enough in these latitudes, a slight but steady breeze set in from the north- east, which bore us up the Gulf with easy sail, till we came in sight of the long, low island of Anticosti, which, like some gigantic monster, raises its dark misshapen beach above the water — not the slightest trace of foliage or verdure to give it a semblance to the aspect of land ! Two dreary-looking log-houses, about eighteen miles apart, remind one that a refuge for the shipwrecked is deemed necessary in this dangerous channel; but, except these, not a trace exists to show that the foot of man had trod that dreary spot. The cook's galley is sure to have its share of horrors when a ship 'lies to' near this gloomy shore; scarcely a crew exists where some one belonging to it has not had a messmate wrecked there; and then, the dreadful 132 THE CONFESSIONS OF narratives of starvation, and strife, and murders were too fearful to dwell on. Among the horrors recorded on every hand all agreed in speaking of a terrible character who had never quitted the island for upwards of forty years. He was a sailor who had committed a murder under circumstances of great atrocity, and dared not revisit the mainland for fear of the penalty of his guilt. Few had ever seen him ; for years back, indeed, he had not been met with at all, and rumour said that he was dead. Still no trace of his body could be found, and some inclined to the opinion that he might at last have made his escape. He was a negro, and was described as possessing the strength of three or four men ; and although the pro- verbial exaggeration of sailors might, and very probably did, colour these narratives, the sad fate of more than one party who had set out to capture him gave the stories a terrible air of truth. The fear of him was such, that although very liberal terms had been offered to induce men to take up their abode in the island to succour the crews of wrecked vessels, none could be found to accept the post ; and even at the period when I visited these seas, and after a long lapse of years since the Black Boatswain had been seen, no one would venture. The story went that his ghost still wandered there, and that at night, when the storm was high, and the waves of the Gulf sent the spray over that low and dreary island, his cries could be heard, calling aloud to ' shorten sail, to brace round the yards, close the hatch- ways,' mingled with blasphemies that made the very hair stand on end. If the reader, armed with the triple mail of incredulity, so snugly ensconced in his easy-chair, before a sea-coal fire, can afford to scoff at such perils, not so did I, as I sat in a corner of the galley gathering with greedy ears the horrors that fell on every side, and now and then stealing out to cast a glance over the bulwarks at the long low CON CREGAN 133 bank of sand, which seemed more like an exhalation from the water than a solid mass of rock and shingle. I have said that a feeling of rivalry existed between the Moorish boy, El Jarasch, and myself, and although I endured the scoffs and sneers at first with a humility my own humble garb and anomalous position enforced, I soon began to feel more confidence in myself, and that species of assurance a becoming dress seems somehow to inspire ; for I was now attired like the rest of the crew, and wore the name of the yacht in gold letters on my cap, as well as on the breast of my waistcoat. The hatred of El Jarasch increased with every day, and mutual scoffs and gibes were the only intercourse between us. More than once, Halkett, who had always befriended me, warned me of the boy, and said that his Moorish blood was sure to make his vengeance felt ; but I only laughed at his caution, and avowed myself ready to confront him when and however he pleased. Generosity was little wasted on either side, so that when one day, in a fierce encounter with the lions, El Jarasch received a fall which broke one of his ribs, and was carried in a state of insensi- bility to his berth, I neither pitied him nor regretted his misfortune. I affected even to say that his own cowardice had rendered the creatures more daring, and that had he preserved a bolder front the mischance would have never occurred. These vauntings of mine, coupled with an avowed willingness to take his place, came to Sir Dudley's ears on the third evening after the accident, and he imme- diately sent for me to his cabin. ' Is it true, sirrah ? ' said he, in a harsh, unpleasant voice, ' that you have been jesting about Jarasch, and saying that you were ready to take charge of the whelps in his stead ? ' ' It is,' said I, answering both questions together. ' You shall do so to-morrow, then,' replied he solemnly ; ' take care that you can do something as well as boast ! ' and with this he motioned me to leave the cabin. I at once repaired to the steerage to report my interview 134 THE CONFESSIONS OF to the men, who were all more friendly with me than with the Moor. Many were the counsels I received about how I should conduct myself the next morning — some asserting that, as it was my first time, I could not be too gentle with the animals, avoiding the slightest risk of hurting them, and even suffering their rough play without any effort to check it. Others, on the contrary, advised me at once to seek the mastery over the beasts, and by two or three severe lessons to teach them caution if not respect. This counsel, I own, chimed in with my own notions, and also better accorded with what, after my late vauntings, I felt to be my duty. It was altogether a very anxious night with me, not exactly through fear, because I knew, as the men were always ready with their arms loaded, life could not be perilled, and I did not dread the infliction of a mere sprain or fracture, but I felt it was an ordeal wherein my fame was at stake. Were I to acquit myself well, there would be an end for ever of those insulting airs of superiority the Moorish boy had assumed towards me. Whereas, if I failed, I must consent to bear his taunts and sarcasms without a murmur. In one point only the advice of all the crew agreed, which was that the female cub, much larger and more ferocious than the male, should more particularly demand my watchfulness. ' If she scratch you, boy, mind that you desist,' said an old Danish sailor, who had been long on the African coast. This caution was re-echoed by all; and resolving to follow its dictates, I ' turned in ' to my hammock, to dream of combats and battles till morning. I was early astir — waking with a sudden start. I had been dreaming of a lion-hunt, and fancied I heard the deep-mouthed roaring of the beasts in a jungle. And, true enough, a low monotonous howl came from the place where the animals lay, for it was now the fourth morning of their being confined without having been once at liberty. I had just completed my dressing — the costume was CON CREGAN 135 simply a short pair of loose trousers, hand, arms, and feet bare, and a small fez cap on my head — when Halkett came down to me to say that he had been speaking to Sir Dudley about the matter, and that as I had never yet accustomed myself to the whelps, it was better that I should not begin the acquaintance after they had been four days in durance. ' At the same time,' added Halkett, ' he gives you the choice ; you can venture if you please.' ' I 've made up my mind,' said I. ' I 'm sure I 'm able for anything the black fellow can do.' ' My advice to you, boy,' said he, ' is to leave them alone. Those Moorish chaps are the creatures' countrymen, and have almost the same kind of natures — they are stealthy, treacherous, and cruel. They never trust anything — man or beast ! ' ' No matter ! ' said I. ' I 'm as strong as he is, and my courage is not less.' 4 If you will have it so, I have nothing to say ; indeed, I promised Sir Dudley I 'd give you no advice one way or other; so now get the staff from Jarasch, and come on deck.' The staff was a short thick truncheon of oak, tipped with brass at each end, and the only weapon ever used by the boy in his encounters. ' So you 're going to take my place ! ' said the black fellow, while his dark eyes were lighted up like coals of fire, and his white teeth glanced between his purple lips. 1 Don't hurt my poor pet cubs ; be gentle with them.' ' Where 's the staff ? ' said I, not liking the tone in which he spoke, or well knowing if he affected earnest or jest. ' There it is,' said he ; ' but your white hands will be enough without that. You'll not need the weapon the coward used ! ' and as he spoke a kind of shuddering con- vulsion shook his frame from head to foot. ' Come, come ! ' said I, stretching out my hand ; ' I ought not to have called you a coward, Jarasch — that you are not ! I ask you to forgive me ; will you ? ' 136 THE CONFESSIONS OF He never spoke, but nestled lower down in the hammock, so that I could not even see his face. ' There, they 're calling me already. I must be off ! Let us shake hands and be friends this time at least. When you 're well and up we can fight it out about something else !' ' Kiss me, then,' said he ; and though I had no fancy for the embrace, or the tone it was asked in, I leaned over the hammock, and while he placed one arm round my neck, and drew me towards him, I kissed his forehead, and he mine, in true Moorish fashion ; and not sorry to have made my peace with my only enemy, I stepped up the ladder with a light heart and a firm courage. I little knew what need I had for both ! When Jarasch had put his arm around my neck, I did not know that he had inserted his hand beneath the collar of my shirt, and drawn a long streak of blood from his own vein across my back between my shoulders. When I arrived on deck, it was to receive the congratulations of the crew, who were all struck with my muscular arms and legs, and who unanimously pronounced that I was far fitter to exercise the whelps than was the Moor. Sir Dudley said nothing. A short nod greeted me as I came towards him, and then he waved me back with his hand — a motion which, having something contemptuous in it, pained me acutely at the moment. I had not much time, however, to indulge such feelings. The whelps were already on deck, and springing madly at the wooden bars of their cage for liberty. Eager as themselves, I hastened to unbolt the door and set them free. No sooner were they at large than they set off down one side of the deck and up the other, careering at full speed, clearing with a bound whatever stood in their way ; and when by any chance meeting each other, stopping for an instant to stare with glaring eyes and swelling nostrils, and then, either passing stealthily and warily past, or one would crouch while the other cleared him at a spring, and so off again. In all this I had no part to play. I could CON CREGAN 137 neither call them back, like Jarasch, whose voice they knew, nor had I his dexterity in catching them as they went, and throwing all manner of gambols over and upon them, as he did. I felt this poignantly, the more as I saw, or thought I saw, Sir Dudley's eyes upon me more than once, with an expression of disdainful pity. At last the great tub which contained the creatures' food was wheeled forward; and no sooner had the men retired, than the quick-scented animals were on the spot — so rapidly, indeed, that I had barely time to seat myself, crosslegged, on the lid, when they approached, and with stately step walked round the vessel, staring as it were in surprise at the new figure who disputed their meal with them. At last the male placed one paw on the lid, and with the other tapped me twice or thrice on the shoulder with the kind of gentle, pattering blow a cat will sometimes use with a mouse. It was a sort of mild admonition to ' leave that,' nothing of hostility whatever being announced. I replied by imitating the gesture, so far as a, half -closed fist would permit, and struck him on the side of the head. He looked grave at this treatment, and, slowing descending from his place, he lay down about a yard off. Meanwhile the female, who had been smelling and sniffing round and round the tub, made an effort to lift the lid with her head, and failing, began to strike it in sharp, short blows with her paw, the excitement of her face, and the sturdy position of her hind legs, showing that her temper was chafed at the delay. To increase her rage, I pushed the lid a few inches back ; and as the savoury steam arose, the creature grew more eager, and at last attracted the other to the spot. It was quite clear that hunger was the passion upper- most with them, and that they had not yet connected me with the cause of their disappointment, for they laboured by twenty devices to insert a paw or to smash the lid, but never noticed me in the least. Wearied of my failures to 138 THE CONFESSIONS OF induce them to play, and angry at the indifference they manifested to me, I sprang from the lid, and, lifting it from the tub, flung it back. In an instant they had each their heads in the mess; the female had even her great paw in the midst of the tub, and was eating away with that low, gurgling growl peculiar to the wild beast. Dashing right between them, I seized one by the throat with both hands and hurled him back upon the deck. A shout of ' Bravo ! ' burst from the crew at the boldness of the feat, and with a bound the fellow made at me. I dropped suddenly on one knee as he came, and struck him with the staff on the forelegs. Had he been shot, he could not have fallen more rapidly ; down he went, like a dead mass, on the deck. To spring on his back, and hold him fast down, was the work of a second, while I belaboured him about the head with my fists. The stunning effect of his first fall gave me the victory for a moment, but he soon rallied, and attacked me boldly. It was now a fair fight ; for, if I sometimes succeeded in making him shake his huge head or drop his paw with pain, more than once he staggered me with a blow, which, had it been only quickly followed, would soon have decided the struggle. At last, after a scuffle in which he had nearly vanquished me, he made a leap at my throat. I put in a blow of such power with the staff on the fore- head, that he gave a load roar of pain, and, with drooping tail, slunk to hide away himself beneath a boat. Up to this moment the female had never stirred from the mess of food, but continued eating and snarling as though every mouthful was a battle. Scarcely, however, had the roar of the other cub been heard, than she lifted her head, and, slowly turning round, stared at me with an expression which, even now, my dreams will recall. I had not yet recovered from the exhaustion of my late encounter, and was half sitting, half kneeling on the deck, as the whelp stood glowering at me, with every vein in her vast forehead swollen, and her large, red eyes seeming I