pi ^n BBBS £] Digitized by the Internet Archive in 2012 with funding from University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill http://archive.org/details/talesoflaughterOOwigg UNIVERSITY OF N.C. AT CHAPEL HILL 00022229848 Tales of Laughter THE CHILDREN'S CRIMSON CLASSICS EDITED BY KATE DOUGLAS WIGGIN AND NORA ARCHIBALD SMITH GOLDEN NUMBERS A BOOK OF VERSE FOR YOU.TH THE POSY RING A BOOK OF VERSE FOR CHILDREN PINAFORE PALACE A BOOK OF RHYMES FOR THE NURSERY Library of Fairy Literature THE FAIRY RING MAGIC CASEMENTS A SECOND FArRY BOOK TALES OF LAUGHTER A THIRD FAIRY BOOK TALES OF WONDER A FOURTH FAIRY BOOK THE TALKING BEASTS FABLES FROM EVERY LAND OTHER VOLUMES TO FOLLOW TALES OF LAUGHTER A THIRD FAIRY BOOK EDITED BY KATE DOUGLAS WIGGIN AND NORA ARCHIBALD SMITH GARDEN CITY NEW YORK DOUBLEDAY, PAGE & COMPANY 1927 COPYRIGHT, 10,08, DY DOUBLEDAY, PACE & COMPANY. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES AT THE COUNTRY LIFE PRESS, GARDEN CITY, N. Y. PUBLISHERS' NOTE The McClure Company wish to make acknowledgment of their indebtedness to the following publishers : G. P. Putnam's Sons, for permission to use " The Greedy Cat," " Father Bruin in the Corner," " The Pancake," " The Death of Chanticleer," " Reynard Wants to Taste Horse Flesh," " Bruin and Reynard Partners," " Pork and Honey," and "Slip Root: Catch Reynard's Foot," from Tales from the Fjeld; " The Most Frugal of Men," " The Moon Cake,' " The Ladle that Fell from the Moon," " The Young Head of the Family," and " The Dreadful Boar" from Chinese Nights Entertainment. The American Book Company, for permission to use " Lit- tle Tuppen," from Fairy Stories and Fables. Little, Brown & Company, for permission to use " The Story of the Four Little Children who Went Round the World" from Edward Lear's Nonsense Books. F. A. Stokes Company, for permission to use " Little Black Mingo" " The Lad and the Fox," " The Old Woman and the Tramp," " The Cock and the Crested Hen'' and " The Old Woman and the Fish," from Fairy Tales from the Szvedish; " One's Own Children Always Prettiest" and " The Princess zvhom Nobody Could Silence," from Fairy Tales from the Far North. F. Warne & Company, for permission to use " The Money Box," " The Floppy Family," and " It is Quite True," from Hans Andersen's Fairy Tales. J. B. Lippincott, for permission to use " Manabozho and .His Toe," from North American Indian Fairy Tales; " The — Three Wishes" " If Heaven Will It," and " The Fox and- % M PUBLISHERS' NOTE the Goose" from Spanish Fairy Tales; "Hans in Luck" " The Fox and the Cat," " The Fisherman and His Wife," and " The Adventures of Chanticleer and Partlet," from Grimm's Fairy Tales. Charles Scribner's Sons, for permission to use " The Fox and the Dove" " The Fox and the Hedgehog," " The Disap- pointed Bear," and " Young Never full," from Russian Grand- mother's Wonder Stories. George Routledge & Sons, Ltd., for permission to use " The Flail which Came from the Clouds," " The Wren and the Bear," " The Wolf and the Fox," " The Three Luck- Children," " The Three Sluggards," " The Cat and the Mouse in Partnership" " Old Sultan," " The Shreds," " The Fox and the Horse?' " The Seven Swabians," " The Giant and the Tailor," and " The Little Shepherd Boy," from Grimm's Household Stories. Joseph McDonough, for permission to use "How the Sun, the Moon and the Wind went out to Dinner," " Singh Rajah and the Cunning Little Jackals," " The Blind Man, the Deaf Man and the Donkey," " The Alligator and the Jackal," and " The Selfish Sparrozv and the Houseless Crows," from Old Deccan Days. A. L. Burt & Company, for permission to use " Gudbrand on the Hillside " and " Nanny who Wouldn't Go to Supper" from Fairy Tales from the Far North. [v.] A LAUGHING SONG When the greenwoods laugh with the voice of joy, And the dimpling stream runs laughing by; When the air does laugh with our merry wit, And the green hill laughs with the noise of it; When the meadows laugh with lively green, And the grasshopper laughs in the merry scene; When Mary and Susan and Emily With their sweet round mouths sing "Ha, ha, he!" When the painted birds laugh in the shade, Where our table with cherries and nuts is spread; Come live and be merry and join with me To sing the sweet chorus of "Ha, ha, he!" William Blaee, CONTENTS VA«E Thb Rats and their Son-in-Law {French) 3 ~The Mouse and the Sausage (French) 6 \_The Three Wishes (Spanish) 7 The Fox and the Goose (Spanish) 10 If Heaven Will It (Spanish) 12 The Booby (Italian) 14 The Months (Italian) 20 The Stone in the Cock's Head (Italian) 25 The Fox and the Cat (Cossack) 30 The Straw Ox (Cossack) 32 The Cat, the Cock, and the Fox (Cossack) 36 The Fox and the Dove (Russian) 39 The Fox and the Hedgehog (Russian) 41 The Disappointed Bear (Russian) 43 Young Neverfull (Russian) 45 Hudden and Dudden and Donald O'Neary (Celtic) 47 The Tail (Celtic) 54 Jack and the King who was a Gentleman (Celtic) 55 Hans in Luck (German) 62 The Family Servants (German) 68 The Flail which came from the Clouds (German) 69 The Sole's Mouth (German) 71 The Three Brothers (German) 71 The Wren and the Bear (German) 74 The Musicians of Bremen (German) 77 The Fox and the Cat (German) 81 The Golden Key (German) 82 Doctor Know-All (German) 83 The Fair Catherine and Pif-Paf Poltrie (German) 86 The Wolf and the Fox (German) 88 . Discreet Hans (German) 90 [be] CONTENTS PAOB King Thrush-beard (German) 93 The Three Luck Children (German) 98 The Three Sluggards (German) 101 The Fisherman and his Wife (German) 102 The Nose-tree (German) in The Adventures of Chanticleer and Fartlet (German) 118 The Golden Goose (German) 124 The Young Giant (German) 129 The Sweet Soup (German) 137 Seven at one Blow (German) 138 The Cat and the Mouse in Partnership (German) 146 Old Sultan (German) 149 The Nail (German) 152 The Fox and the Horse (German) 153 The Giant and the Tailor (German) 155 The Spider and the Flea (German) 157 The Little Shepherd Boy (German) 160 The Seven Swabians (German) 162 The Shreds (German) 165 The Wolf and the Seven Kids (German) 166 The Elves and the Shoemaker (German) 170 King Wren (German) 172 Why the Bear has a Stumpy Tail (German) 176 Three Ways to Build a House (German) 177 How to Tell a True Princess (German) 182 The Five Servants (German) 184 The Hare and the Fox (German) 191 The Story of Zirac (Oriental) 193 Johnny-Cake (English) 197 The Wee, Wee Mannie (Scottish) 200 Sir Gammer Vans (English) 203 Tom Tit Tot (English) 205 The Old Woman and her Pig (English) 211 The Story of the Three Little Pigs (English) 215 .The Three Sillies (English) 218 -/The Cat and the Mouse (English) 222 Hereafterthis (English) 224 Titty Mouse and Tatty Mouse (English) 228 The Magpie's Nest (English) 231 Scrapefoot (English) $3$ [«] CONTENTS PAGB /he Wise M>« of Gotham {English) 236 Henny-Penny ^English) 241 A Son of Adam {English) 244 The Happy Family (/f. C. Awdtfrsew) 246 The Blind Man, the Deaf Man, and the Donkey {Southern India) 250 The Alligator and the Jackal {Southern India) 258 Why the Fish Laughed {Indian) 263 The Selfish Sparrow and the Houseless Crows {Southern India) 269 The Lambikin {Indian) 271 The Town Mouse and the Country Mouse {Scandinavian) 274 The Greedy Cat {Scandinavian) 278 Well Done: III Paid {Scandinavian) 284 Reynard and Chanticleer {Scandinavian) 287 Father Bruin in the Corner {Scandinavian) 289 Why the Sea is Salt {Scandinavian) 291 Gudbrand on the Hillside {Scandinavian) 296 v"" The Pancake {Scandinavian) 301 The Death of Chanticleer {Scandinavian) 305 Reynard Wants to Taste Horse-flesh {Scandinavian) 309 Bruin and Reynard Partners {Scandinavian) 311 Pork and Honey {Scandinavian) 312 How Reynard Outwitted Bruin {Scandinavian) 314 Nanny Who Wouldn't Go Home to Supper {Scandinavian) 315 Thb Box With Something Pretty In It {Scandinavian) 321 The Farmer and the Troll {Scandinavian) 322 One's Own Children Always Prettiest {Scandinavian) 323 The Princess Whom Nobody Could Silence {Scandinavian) 324 y The Money-Box {H. C. Andersen) 328 The Darning-Needle {H. C. Andersen) 331 Master of All Masters {English) 335 Belling the Cat {English) 336 The Magpie and her Children {English) 338 The Cock, the Cuckoo, and the Black-cock {English) 339 The Race Between Hare and Hedgehog {English) 340 Bruno's Story {Lewis Carroll) 344 The Bluebottle Who Went Courting {English) 346 How Two Beetles Took Lodgings {English) 351 Little Tuppen {Scandinavian) 358 [xi] CONTENTS PAG» The Story of the Four Little Children Who Went Round the World (Edward Lear) 361 The History of the Seven Families of the Lake Pipple- Popple (Edward Lear) 370 Wee Robin's Yule-Song (Scottish) 380. The Giant's Shoes (W. K. Clifford) 382 The Farmer and the Money-Lender (Indian) 385 How the Sun, the Moon, and the Wind Went Out to Dinner (Southern India) 388 Singh Rajah and the Cunning Little Jackals (Souther* India) 390 Harisarman (Indian) 393 It Is Quite True (H. C. Andersen) 397 Manabozho and his Toe (North American Indian) 400 The Most Frugal of Men (Chinese) 401 The/Moon-Cake (Chinese) 403 Th^ Ladle that Fell from the Moon (Chinese) 404 T?j1e Young Head of the Family (Chinese) ,,07 A/ Dreadful Boar (Chinese) 412 1 he Old Man and the Devils (Japanese) 415 "he Wonderful Tea-Kettle (Japanese) 417- 'he Wonderful Mallet (Japanese) 421 'he Tongue-Cut Sparrow (Japanese) 425 Battle of the Monkey and the Crab (Japanese) 427 The Cub's Triumph (Japanese) 420 The Silly Jelly-Fish (Japanese) 432 Chin-Chin Kobakama (Japanese) 435 The Old Woman who Lost her Dumplings (Japanese) 438 The Three Goats {German) 442 The Fox Turned Shepherd (German) 444 The Seven Boys and the Monster (German) 446 The Story of Little Black Mingo (H. Bannerman) 453 The Cock and the Crested Hen (Swedish) 457 The Old Woman and the Fish (Swedish) 459 The Lad and the Fox (Swedish) 462 The Old Woman and the Tramp (Swedish) 463 [*ii1 Tales of Laughter The Rats and their Son-in-Law rHERE once lived in Japan a rat and his wife, folk o£ noble race, who had one beautiful daughter. They were exceedingly proud of her charms, and dreamed, as parents will, of the grand marriage she was sure to make in time. Proud of his pure rodent blood, the father saw no son-in-law more to be desired than a young rat of ancient lineage, whose attentions to his daughter were very marked. This match, however, brilliant as it was, seemed not to the mother's taste. Like many people who think themselves made out of special clay, she had a very poor opinion of her own kind, and was ambitious for an alliance with the highest cir- cles. Ad astral (To the stars!) was her motto, she always said, and really, when one has a daughter of incomparable beauty, one may well hope for an equally incomparable son-in-law. " Address yourself to the sun at once, then," cried the im- patient father one day ; " there is nothing above him, surely." " Quite so; I had already thought of it," she answered, " and since you, too, are in sympathy with the idea, we will make our call to-morrow." So, on the following morning the proud father and the haughty mother-rat went together to present their lovely daughter to the orb of day. " Lord Sun," said the mother, " let me present our only daughter, who is so beautiful that there is nothing like her in the whole world. Naturally we desire a son-in-law as wonderful as she, and, as you see, we have come to you first of all." " Really," said the sun, " I am extremely flattered by your proposal, but you do me too much honor; there is some one [ 3 ] TALES OF LAUGHTER greater than I; it is the cloud. Look, if you do not believe." . . . And at that moment the cloud arrived, and with onfe waft of his folds extinguished the sun with all his golden rays. " Very well ; let us speak to the cloud, then," said the mother- rat, not in the least disconcerted. " Immensely honored, I am sure," replied the cloud in his turn, " but you are again mistaken ; there is some one greater than I ; it is the wind. You shall see." At the same moment along came the wind, and with one blow swept the cloud out of sight, after which, overturning father, mother, and daughter, he tumbled with them, pell-mell, at the foot of an old wall. " Quick, quick," cried the mother-rat, struggling to her feet, " and let us repeat our compliments to the wind." " You'd better address yourself to the wall," growled the wind roughly. You see very well he is greater than I, for he stops me and makes me draw back." No sooner had she heard these words than mother-rat faced about and presented her daughter to the wall. Ah, but now the fair rat-maiden imitated the wind ; she drew back also. He whom she really adored in her heart of hearts was the fas- cinating young rat who had paid his court to her so well. However, to please her mother, she had consented to wed the sun, in spite of his blinding rays, or the cloud, in spite of his sulky look, even the wind, in spite of his brusque manner ; but an old, broken wall ! . . . No ! death would be better a thou- sand times. Fortunately the wall excused himself, like all the rest. " Cer- tainly," he said, " I can stop the wind, who can sweep away the cloud, who can cover up the sun, but there is some one greater than I : it is the rat, who can pass through my body, and can even, if he chooses, reduce me to powder with his teeth. Believe me, you need seek no better son-in-law ; greater than the rat, there is nothing in the world." " Do you hear that, wife, do you hear it ? " cried father-rat in triumph. "Didn't I always say so?" " Quite true ! you always did," returned the mother-rat in [4] TALES OF LAUGHTER wonder, and suddenly glowed with pride in her ancient name and lineage. So they all three went home, very happy and contented, and on the morrow the lovely rat-maiden married her faithful rat- lover. 15 J The Mouse and the Sausage ^"\NCE upon a time a little mouse and a little sausage, who m m loved each other like sisters, decided to live together, \S and made their arrangements in such a way that every day one would go to walk in the fields, or make purchases in town, while the other remained at home to keep the house. One day, when the little sausage had prepared cabbage for dinner, the little mouse, who had come back from town with a fine appetite, enjoyed it so greatly that she exclaimed : " How delicious the cabbage is to-day, my dear ! " " Ah ! " answered the little sausage, " that is because I popped myself into the pot while it was cooking." On the next day, as it was her turn to prepare the meals, the little mouse said to herself : " Now I will do as much for my friend as she did for me; we will have lentils for dinner, and I will jump into the pot while they are boiling," and she let the action follow the word, without reflecting that a simple sausage can do some things which are out of the reach of even the wisest mouse. When the sausage came home, she found the house lonely and silent. She called again and again, " My little mouse ! Mouse of my heart ! " but no one answered. Then she went to look at the lentils boiling on the stove, and, alas ! found within the pot her good little friend, who had perished at the post of duty. Poor mousie, with the best intentions in the world, had stayed too long at her cookery, and when she desired to climb out of the pot, had no longer the strength to do so. And the poor sausage could never be consoled ! That is why to-day, when you put one in the pan or on the gridiron, you will hear her weep and sigh, " M-my p-poor m-mouse ! Ah, m-my p-poor m-mouse ! " [6] The Three Wishes It M" ANY years ago there was an old married man, who, /m/m although poor, had worked very diligently all his ■*- r J. life on his little piece of ground. One winter's night, as this old man was seated with his wife in front of their comfortable hearth in social chat, instead of giving thanks to God for the benefits they enjoyed, they spent the time in enumerating the good things possessed by their neighbors, and in wishing that they belonged to them. " Instead of my little hut, which is on bad soil, and only fit to house a donkey in, I would like to have the farm of old Polainas ! " exclaimed the old man. " And I," added his wife, who was annoyed that he did not aspire higher, " instead of that, would like to have our neigh- bor's house, which is nearly new." " And I," continued her husband, " instead of our old don- key, which can scarcely carry an empty sack, would like to have Polainas's mule ! " " And I," exclaimed the wife, " would like to have such a fat porker as our neighbor has to kill ! Some people seem only to wish for a thing in order to get it. How I should like to see my wishes accomplished ! " Scarcely had she uttered these words, than they beheld a most beautiful little woman standing in front of the fire. She was so small that her height could not have been more than eighteen inches, while she wore a crown like a queen's upon her head. Her tunic and veil were almost transparent, and seemed made of white smoke, while the sparks from the fire crackled and jumped like fireworks about her, and sparkled around her as glittering spangles. In her hand she bore a little golden scepter, the end «£ which was formed by a gleaming ruby. [73 TALES OF LAUGHTER " I am the Fairy Fortunata," said she to them ; " I was passing by here, and I have heard your complaints. I have so much anxiety to accomplish your desires that I come to prom- ise you the realization of three wishes : one to you," she said to the wife ; " the other to you," to the husband, " and the third must be mutual and agreeable to the desire of you both. This last I will agree to in person to-morrow, when I will return at this time ; and until then I leave you to think of what it shall be." When she had said these words, the beautiful fairy sprang through the flames and disappeared in a cloud of smoke. The delight of the worthy couple may be imagined, and the number of wishes, numerous as suitors at the door of a min- ister, which presented themselves to their minds. Their de- sires were so many that, not knowing which to select, they determined to defer the definite decision to the following day. After having had all the night to think the matter over, they began to discuss entirely different things, and in a little while their conversation recurred to their wealthy neighbors. " I was at their house to-day," said the husband ; " they were making black puddings. Ah, such black puddings ! It would have done you good to see them ! " " I would like to have one of them here," replied the wife, " to roast on the ashes for supper." Scarcely had she uttered the words than there appeared upon the ashes the most delicious-looking black pudding that could possibly be imagined. The woman remained staring at it with open mouth and eyes starting out of her head. But her husband jumped up in despair, and after striding up and down the room, tearing his hair in desperation, said : " Through your gluttony, you greedy woman, we have lost one of the wishes ! Good Heavens, what a woman this is! More stupid than a goose! It makes me , desperate ; I detest you and the black pudding, too, and I wish it were stuck on to your nose ! " No sooner had he spoken than there was the black pudding hanging from the place indicated ! [8] TALES OF LAUGHTER Then was the old man struck with horror and his wife with desperation ! " You see what you have done, evil tongue ! " exclaimed she, as she made useless exertions to tear the appendage from her nose ; " if I employed my wish badly, at least it was to my own disadvantage, and not to the injury of any one else ; but the sin carries its punishment with it, for I will not have any other wish, nor desire anything else than that the black pud- ding be taken off my nose." " Wife, for Heaven's sake ! What of the new house ? " "Nothing!" " Wife, for Heaven's sake, think of the farm ! " " It does not matter." " My dear, let us wish for a fortune, and then we will have a golden case for the black pudding." " I will not hear of it." " Then you would have us left just as we were before? " " That is all that I wish for." And for all that the man could say, nothing could alter his wife's determination, who grew more and more enraged with her double nose, and could scarcely keep off the dog and the cat, who both wished to make free with it. When, on the following night, the fairy appeared and asked them what was their last wish, they said to her : " We see how blind and foolish it is of men to fancy that the realization of their wishes will make them happy." Nor is happiness in the accomplishment of our wishes, but rather in the not having any. He is rich who possesses what he wants; but happy is he who wishes for nothing. [93 The Fox and the Goose ^ FOX and a goose were very great friends. The >^f goose, which, as you know, is a very honest and JL J. industrious bird, said to the fox: " Friend fox, I have a little bit of property here, and if you like to join with me, we will cultivate it between us." " That would greatly please me," answered the fox. " Then it will be necessary to till it together when the season arrives," said the goose. " Very well," replied the fox. A little afterward, when they met, the goose said: " It is time to sow the seed." " That is your business," said the fox. " I have nothing to do with that." Some months passed, when the goose said to the fox : " Friend, the grass is choking the wheat ; it is necessary to weed the field." " Very well," answered the fox, " you see to that ; it is not my business." A short time passed by, when the goose said to the fox : " Friend, the wheat is ripe, and must be reaped." " All right," replied the fox, " you attend to that ; it is not my business." Then the goose, for all her good nature, began to be dis- trustful, and told her friend the greyhound what had passed. The greyhound, who was very shrewd, saw at once that the fox was going to play off one of his tricks upon the goose's good nature, and said to her : " Reap the wheat ; put it in the barn, and hide me in a sheaf of corn, without leaving more than one eye uncovered, so that I may see all that may happen." [10] TALES OF LAUGHTER The goose did as the greyhound had said, and after a time the fox arrived, and when he saw the barn filled with splendid wheat already thrashed, he was very delighted, and, dancing about, sang: "Li6, lid, The straw and wheat are mine! Lid, lid, The straw and wheat are mine!" As he said this, he approached the sheaf in which the grey- hound was concealed, and on seeing the eye among the straw, cried : " Ah, there's a grape ! " " But it is not ripe," replied the greyhound, as he leaped out of his hiding place, and killed the fox. Ill] If Heaven Will It f\ NCE upon a time a Galician was returning to his home m M after having spent some time in Seville. When he was v^ close to his abode, he met some one who inquired where he was going. " To my native place," replied the Galician. " If Heaven will it," answered the former. " Whether Heaven will it or no," added the Galician to him- self, already seeing his village from afar, and being only sepa- rated from its outskirts by a river. Scarcely had he muttered the words ere he fell into the water and was changed into a frog. In this condition the poor man lived for three years, being in continual danger from his spiteful foes, bad boys, leeches, and storks. At the end of three years another Galician re- turning home happened to pass by there, and a wayfarer chanc- ing to ask him whither he was going, replied : " To my native place." " If Heaven will it," croaked a frog that poked its head up out of the water. And when it had said this, the frog, which was the first Galician of the tale, suddenly found itself once more a man. He went on his way gayer than Easter, and having met with another traveler, who asked him whither he went, he an- swered him : " To my own place, if Heaven will it ; to see my wife, if Heaven will it ; to see my children, if Heaven will it ; to see my cow, if Heaven will it; to sow my land, if Heaven will it; so that I may get a good harvest from it, if Heaven will it." [12] TALES OF LAUGHTER And as he religiously added to everything, "If Heaven will it," he was allowed to see his wishes accomplished. He found his wife and children well; his cow became the mother of a fine calf; he sowed his field, and reaped a good harvest, and all because Heaven willed it. [13] The Booby An ignorant man who associates with clever people has always been more praised than a wise man who keeps the company of fools, for as much profit and fame as a man gains from the former, so much wealth and honor one may lose by the fault of the latter, and as the proof of the pudding is in the eating, you will know from the story that I am going to tell you whether my proposition is true. rHERE was once a man who was as rich as the sea, but as there never can be any perfect happiness in this world, he had a son so idle and good-for-nothing that he could not tell a carob from a cucumber. So, being unable any longer to put up with his folly, he gave him a good handful of crowns, and sent him to travel to the Levant, for he well knew that seeing various countries and mixing with divers people works genius, sharpens the judgment, and makes men expert. Moscione (for that was the name of the son) got on horse- back and began his journey toward Venice, the arsenal of the wonders of the world, to embark on board some vessel bound for Cairo, and when he had traveled a good day's journey he met with a person who was standing fixed at the foot of a poplar, to whom he said : " What is your name, my lad, whence are you, and what is your trade ? " And the lad replied : " My name is Lightning, I am from Arrowland, and I can run like the wind." " I should like to see a proof of it," said Moscione, and Lightning answered, " Wait a moment, and you will see whether it is dust or flour." When they had stood waiting a little while a doe came bounding over the plain, and Lightning, letting her pass on some way, to give himself a handicap, darted after her so rapidly and light of foot that he would have gone over plains [14] TALES OF LAUGHTER covered with flour without leaving the mark of his shoe^, and in four bounds he came up with her. Moscione, amazed at this exploit, asked if he would come and live with him, and promised to pay him a salary. So Lightning consented, and they went on their way to- gether, but they had not journeyed many miles when they met another youth, to whom Moscione said : " What is your name, comrade, what country are you from, and what's your trade ? " " My name," replied the lad, " is Hare's-ear, I am from Vale Curious, and when I put my ear to the ground I hear all that is passing in the world without stirring from the spot. I perceive the monopolies and the agreements of tradespeople to raise the prices of all things, the ill-offices of courtiers, the appointments of lawyers, the plots of robbers, the reports of spies, the complaints of servants, the gossiping of old women, and the oaths of service, so that neither Lucian's cocks nor Francois's lantern discovered so much as my ears can." " If that be true," said Moscione, " tell me what they are say- ing at my home." So the lad put his ear to the ground, and replied : " An old man is talking to his wife and saying, ' Praised be Sol in Lea, I have got rid from my side of that fellow, Moscione, that nail in my heart, with his face of old-fashioned crockery. By trav- eling through the world he will at least become a man, and no longer be such a stupid donkey, such a simpleton, such a lose- the-day fellow, such a ' " " Stop, stop ! " cried Moscione. " You told the truth, and I believe you, so come along with me, for you have found the road to good luck." " Well and good," said the youth. So they all went on to- gether and traveled ten miles farther, when they met another man, to whom Moscione said : " My brave fellow, where were you born and what can you do in the world ? " And the man answered : " My name is Shoot-straight, I am from Castle Aim- well, and I can shoot with a crossbow so point-blank as to hit a crab-apple in the middle." " I should like to see a proof," said Moscione, so the lad [15] TALES OF LAUGHTER charged his crossbow, took aim, and made a pea leap from thfe top of the stone window. Moscione took him also, like the others, into his company, and they traveled on another day's journey, until they came to some people who were building a large pier in the scorching heat of the sun, and who might well say, " Boy, put water to the wind, for my heart is burning." So Moscione had compassion on them and said, " My masters, how is it you have the heart to stand in this furnace, which is bound to roast a buffalo? " And one of them answered : " Ah ! we are as cool as roses, for we have a young man here who blows upon us from behind in such a manner that it seems as if the west wind were blowing." " Let me see him, I pray," cried Moscione, and so the mason called the lad, and Moscione said to him : " Tell me, by the life of your father, what is your name, what country are you from, and what is your profes- sion ? " And the lad replied : " My name is Blowblast, I am from Windy Land, and I can make all the winds with my mouth. If you wish a zephyr, I will breathe one that will send you into transports. If you wish for a squall, I will blow down houses." " Seeing is believing," said Moscione, whereupon BlowblasL" breathed at first quite gently, so that it seemed to be the wind that blows in Posilippo toward evening ; then, turning suddenly to some trees, he sent forth such a furious blast that it uprooted a row of oaks. When Moscione saw this he took him for a companion, and, traveling on as far again, he met another lad, to whom he said : " What is your name, if I may make so bold ? Whence are you, if one may ask, and what is your trade, if it is a fair ques- tion?" And the lad answered, "My name is Strongback, I am from Valentino, and I have such strength that I take a mountain on my back, and it seems to me a mere feather." " If that be the case," said Moscione, " you deserve to be a king of the custom house, and you should be chosen for the standard- bearer on the first of May, but I should like to see a proof of what you say." Then Strongback began to load himself with masses of rock, stumps of trees, and so many other weights [16] TALES OF LAUGHTER that a thousand large wagons could not have carried them, so, when Moscione saw the feat, he persuaded the lad to join them. So they traveled on till they came to Fairflower, the king of which place had a daughter who ran like the wind and could pass over the waving corn without bending an ear, and the king had issued a proclamation that whoever should overtake her in running should have her to wife, but whoever was left behind should lose his head. Moscione arrived in this country and heard the proclamation. He went straight to the king and offered to run with the daughter, making the wise agreement either to win the race or leave his noddle there. But in the morning he sent to inform the king that he was taken ill, and, being unable to run himself, he would send another man in his place. " Come who will," said Ciennetella (for that was the king's daughter), "I care not a fig ; it is all one to me." So when the great square was filled with people come to see the race, insomuch that the men swarmed like ants, and the windows and roofs were all as full as an egg, Lightning came out and took his stand at the top of the square waiting for the signal, and lo, forth came Ciennetella, dressed in a little gown tucked half-way up to her knees, and a neat and pretty little shoe with a single sole. Then they placed themselves shoulder to shoulder, and, as soon as the Tarantara and the Too-too of the trumpets was heard, off they darted, running at such a rate that their hair touched their shoulders, and in truth they seemed iust like foxes with the greyhounds after them, horses broken loose from the stable, dogs with kettles tied to their tails, or jackasses with furze bushes behind them. But Lightning (as he was by name and nature) left the princess more than a hand's breadth behind him, and came first to the goal. Then you should have heard the buzzing and shouting and cries and the uproar, the whistling and clapping of all the people calling out, " Hurrah, long live the stranger ! " whereat Cien- netella's face turned as red as a schoolboy's who is going to be whipped, and she stood lost with shame and confusion at [173 TALES OF LAUGHTER seeing herself vanquished. But as there were to be two heatt to the race, she fell to planning her revenge for this affront, and, going home, she put a charm in her ring with such a power that if any one had it on his finger, his legs would toddle so that he would not be able to walk, much less to run, and she sent it as a present to Lightning, begging him to wear it on his finger for love of her. Hare's- ear, who heard this trick plotted between the father and daughter, said nothing, and wanted to see the upshot of the affair, and when, at the trumpeting of the birds, they re- turned to the field, at the usual signal they fell to plying their heels. But if Ciennetella was like another Atalanta, Lightning had become like a shoulder-slipped ass and a foundered horse, for he could not stir a step, but Shoot-straight, who saw his coming danger, and heard from Hare's-ear how matters stood, laid hold on his crossbow and shot the arrow so exactly that it hit Lightning's finger, and out shot the stone from the ring in which the virtue of the charm lay, whereupon his legs that had been tied were set free, and with four good leaps he passed Ciennetella and won the race. The king, seeing the palm thus carried off by this figure of a blockhead, by a simpleton, the triumph of a fool, bethought himself seriously whether or not he should give him his daughter, and taking counsel with the wiseacres of his court, they replied that Ciennetella was not a mouthful for the tooth of such a miserable dog and lose-the- day bird, so that, without breaking his word, he might com- mute the terms of his daughter with a gift of crowns, which would be more to the taste of a poor beggar like Moscione than all the women in the world. This advice pleased the king, and he asked Moscione how much money he would take to consider a wife who had been promised. Then Moscione, after consulting the others, said: " I will take as much gold and silver as one of my comrades can carry on his back." The king consented, whereupon they brought Strongback, and on him began to lay bales of ducats, large purses full of crowns, pails of copper money, and kettles full of chains and rings, but the more they loaded him the [18] TALES OF LAUGHTER firmer he stood, just like a tower, so that the treasurer, the bankers, the usurers, and the money dealers of the city did not suffice, and the king sent to all of the great people in every direction to borrow their silver candlesticks, basins, jugs, plates, brasses, and baskets, and yet there was not enough to make up a full load. At length Moscione and his companions went away, however, not laden, but tired and satisfied. When the counselors saw what heaps of stores these four miserable fellows were carrying off, they said to the king that it was a great piece of nonsense to load them with all the sinews of his kingdom, and that it would be well to send people after them to lessen the load of that Atlas who was carrying on his shoulders a world of treasure. The king gave ear to this advice, and immediately despatched a party of armed men, foot and horse, to overtake Moscione and his friends, but Hare's- ear, who had heard this counsel, informed his comrades, and while the dust was rising to the sky from the tramping of those 'who were coming to unload the rich cargo, Blowblast, seeing that things were come to a bad pass, began to blow at such a rate that he not only made the enemies fall flat on the ground, but he sent them flying more than a mile distant, as a north wind does those people who pass through his country. So, without meeting any more hindrances, Moscione arrived at his father's house, where he shared the booty with his companions, since the saying goes, " A good deed deserves a good meed." So he sent them away content and happy, but he stayed with his father, rich beyond measure, giving no lie to the saying, 48 Heaven sends biscuits to him who has no teeth." [19] The Months It is a saying worthy to be written in letters as big as those on a catafalque, that silence never harmed any one, and let it not be imagined that those slanderers who never speak well of others, but are always cutting and stinging and pinching and biting, ever gain anything by their malice; for when the bags come to be shaken out, it has always been seen, and is so still, that while- the good word gains love and profit, slander brings enmity and ruin, and when you shall have heard how this happens, you will see I speak with reason. y^NCE upon a time there were two brothers, Cianne, who ■ m was as r * c ^ as a l° r d> an d Lise, who had barely enough >-^ to live upon ; but poor as one was in fortune, so pitiful was the other in mind, for he would not have given his brother a farthing were it to save his life ; so that poor Lise in despair left his country, and set out to wander over the world. And he wandered on and on, till one wet and cold evening he came to an inn, where he found twelve youths seated around a fire, who, when they saw poor Lise benumbed with cold, partly from the severe season and partly from his ragged clothes, in- vited him to sit down by the fire. Lise accepted the invitation, for he needed it greatly, and began to warm himself, and as he was doing so, one of the young men, whose face was such a picture of moroseness as to make you die of affright, said to him : " What think you, countryman, of this weather ? " "What do I think of it?" replied Lise. "I think that all the months of the year perform their duty ; but we, who know not what we would have, wish to give less praise to Heaven, and, wanting to have things our own way, we do not fish deeply enough to the bottom to find out whether what comes into our fancy be good or evil, useful or hurtful. In winter when it [20] TALES OF LAUGHTER rains, we want the sun in Leo, and in the month of August the clouds to discharge themselves; not reflecting that were this the case, the seasons would be turned topsyturvy, the seed sown would be lost, the crops would be destroyed, the bodies of men would faint away, and nature would go head over heels. Therefore, let us leave Heaven to its own course; for it has made the tree to mitigate with wood the severity of winter, and leaves to soften the heat of summer." " You speak like Solomon ! " said the youth ; " but you can- not deny that this month of March, in which we now are, is very impertinent to send all this frost and rain, snow and hail, wind and storm, these fogs and tempests and other troubles, that make one's life a burden." " You tell only the ill of this poor month," replied Lise, " but do not speak of the benefits it yields to us; for, by bringing forward the spring, it commences the production of things, helps along the cause with the sun, and leads him to the house of the rain." The youth was greatly pleased at what Lise said, for he was in truth no other than March himself, who had arrived at that inn with his eleven brothers, and to reward Lise's goodness, who had not found anything evil to say of a month so sad that the shepherds do not like to mention it, he gave him a beautiful little casket, saying, " Take this, and if you want anything, only ask for it, and, opening this box, you will see it before you." Lise thanked the youth, with many expressions of respect, and laying the little box under his head by way of a pillow, he went to sleep. As soon, however, as the sun, with the pencil of his rays, had retouched the dark shadows of the night, Lise took leave of the youth and set out on his way. But he had hardly pro- ceeded fifty steps from the inn, when, opening the casket, he said : " Ah, my friend, I wish I had a litter lined with cloth, and with a little fire inside, that I might travel warm and com- fortable through the snow ! " No sooner had he uttered the words, than there appeared a litter, with Bearers, who, lifting I 21 ]' TALES OF LAUGHTER him up, placed him in it ; whereupon he told them to carry him home. When the hour was come for food, Lise opened the little box and said : " I wish for something to eat." And instantly there appeared a profusion of the choicest food; such a banquet that ten crowned kings might have feasted on it. One evening, having come to a wood, which did not give admittance to the sun, because he came through suspected places, 1 Lise opened the little casket and said : " I should like to rest to-night on this beautiful spot, where the river is mak- ing counterpoint on the stones as accompaniment to the canto- fermo of the cool breezes." And instantly there appeared, under an oilcloth tent, a couch of fine scarlet, with down mat- tresses, covered with a Spanish counterpane and sheets as light as a feather. Then he asked for something to eat, and in a trice there was set out a sideboard covered with silver and gold fit for a prince, and under another tent a table spread with viands, the savory smell of which extended a hundred miles. When he had eaten enough, he laid himself down to sleep, and as soon as the cock, who is the spy of the sun, announced to his master that the shades of night were worn and wearied, and it was now time for him, like a skilful general, to fall upon the rear and make a slaughter of them, Lise opened his little box and said : " I wish to have a handsome dress, for to- day I shall see my brother, and I should like to make his mouth water." No sooner said than done ; immediately a princely dress of the richest black velvet appeared, with edgings of red camlet, and a lining of yellow cloth embroidered all over, which looked like a field of flowers ; so, dressing himself, Lise got into the litter, and soon reached his brother's house. When Cianne saw his brother arrive with all his splendor and luxury, he wished to know what good fortune had be- fallen him. Then Lise told him of the youths whom he had 1 Alluding to the quarantine which ships were subject to in coming from the East. [22] TALES OF LAUGHTER met at the inn, and of the present they had made him, but he kept to himself the conversation of the youths. Cianne was all impatience to get away from his brother, and told him to go and rest himself, as he was no doubt tired. Then he started post-haste, and soon arrived at the inn, where, finding the same youths, he fell into chat with them. And when the youth asked him the same question, what he thought of the month of March, Cianne, making a big mouth, said: " Confound the miserable month ! the enemy of the shepherds, which stirs up all the ill-humors and brings sickness to our bodies — a month of which, whenever we want to announce ruin to a man, we say, ' Go ; March has shaved you,' a month, in short, so hateful that it would be the best fortune for the world, the greatest blessing to the earth, the greatest gain to men, were it excluded from the band of brothers." March, who heard himself thus slandered, suppressed his anger till the morning, intending then to reward Cianne for his calumny; and when Cianne wished to depart, he gave him a fine whip, saying to him, " Whenever you wish for anything, only say, ' Whip, give me an hundred ! ' and you shall see pearls strung upon a rush." Cianne, thanking the youth, went his way in great haste, not wishing to make trial of the whip until he reached home. But hardly had he set foot in the house, when he went into a secret chamber, intending to hide the money which he expected to receive from the whip, and he said, " Whip, give me an hun- dred ! " whereupon the whip gave him more than he looked for, making counterpoint on his legs and face like a musical composer, so that Lise, hearing his cries, came running out of the study ; and when he saw that the whip, like a runaway horse, could not stop itself, he opened the little box and brought it to a standstill. Then he asked Cianne what had happened to him, and, upon hearing his story, he told him he had no one to blame but himself, for, like a blockhead, he alone had caused his misfortune, acting like a camel that wanted to have horns and lose his ears. He bade him mind another time and keep a bridle on his tongue^ which was the key that had opened to I*3j TALES OF LAUGHTER him the storehouse of misfortune ; for if he had spoken well of the youths, he would, perhaps, have had the same good luck as himself, and he cautioned him especially to speak well of every one in future, good words being a merchandise that costs nothing, and usually brings profit that is not expected. In con- clusion, Lise comforted him, bidding him not seek more wealth than Heaven had given him, that his little casket would suffice to fill the houses of thirty misers, and Cianne should be master of all he possessed, since, to the generous man, Heaven is treasurer, and he added that, although another brother might have ill-will toward Cianne for the cruelty with which he had treated him in his poverty, yet he reflected that his avarice had been a favorable wind which had brought him to this port, and therefore wished to show himself grateful for the benefit. When Cianne heard these things, he begged his brother's pardon for his past unkindness, and, entering into partner- ship, they enjoyed together their good fortune, and from that time forward Cianne spoke well of everything, however bad it might be. \Ml The Stone in the Cock 's Head ^^^^HERE was once in the City of Dark-Grotto a certain M man named Minecco Aniello, who was so persecuted JL by fortune that all his household goods and movables consisted only of a short-legged cock, which he had reared upon bread-crumbs. But one morning, being driven frantic with an appetite (for hunger drives the wolf from the thicket), he took it into his head to sell the cock ; and, taking it to the market, he met two thievish magicians, with whom he made a bargain, and sold it for half a crown. They told him to take it to their house and they would count him out the money, and they went their way, but Minecco Aniello, fol- lowing them, overheard them talking gibberish together and saying, " Who would have told us that we would meet with such a piece of good luck, Jennarone? This cock will make our fortune to a certainty by the stone which, you know, he has in his pate. We will quickly have it set in a ring, and then we shall everything we could ask for." " Be quiet, Jaco- vuccio," answered Jennarone ; " I see myself rich, and can hardly believe it ; and I am longing to twist the cock's neck, and give a kick in the face of beggary ; for in this world vir- tue without money goes for nothing, and a man is judged of by his coat." When Minecco Aniello, who had traveled about in the world and eaten bread from more than one oven, heard this gibberish, he turned on his heel and scampered off, and, running home, he twisted the cock's neck, and opening its head, found the stone, which he had instantly set in a brass ring. Then, to make a trial of its virtue, he said : " I wish to become a youth eighteen years old." Hardly had he uttered the words, when his blood began to {25] TALES OF LAUGHTER flow more quickly, his nerves became stronger, his limbs firm- er, his flesh fresher, his eyes more fiery, his silver hairs were turned to gold ; his mouth, which was a sacked village, became peopled with teeth ; his beard, which was as thick as wood, be- came like a nursery garden ; in short, he was changed to a most beautiful youth. Then he said again : " I wish for a splen- did palace, and to marry a king's daughter," and lo, there in- stantly appeared a palace of incredible magnificence, in which were apartments that would amaze you, columns to astound you, pictures to fill you with wonder ; silver glittered around and gold was trodden under foot ; the jewels dazzled your eyes ; the servants swarmed like ants, the horses and carriages were not to be counted ; in short, there was such a display of riches ihat the king stared at the sight, and willingly gave him his daughter, Nalalizia. Meanwhile the magicians, having discovered Minecco Ani- ello's great wealth, laid a plan to rob him of his good fortune ; so they made a pretty little doll, which played and danced by means of clockwork, and, dressing themselves like merchants, they went to Pentella, the daughter of Minecco Aniello, under pretext of selling it to her. When Pentella saw the beautiful little thing, she asked them what price they put upon it, and they replied that it could not be bought for money, but that she might have it and welcome if she would only do them a favor, which was to let them see the make of the ring which her father possessed, in order to take a model and make another like it ; then they would give her the doll without any payment at all. Pentella, who had never heard the proverb, " Think well oefore you buy anything cheap," instantly accepted this offer, and bade them return the next morning, when she promised to ask her father to lend her the ring. So the magicians went away, and when her father returned home, Pentella coaxed and caressed him, until at last she persuaded him to give her the ring, making the excuse that she was sad at heart, and wished to divert her mind a little. When the next day came, as soon as the scavenger of the [26] TALES OF LAUGHTER sun swept the last trace of the shades from the streets and squares of heaven, the magicians returned, and no sooner had they the ring in their hands than they instantly vanished, and not a trace of them was to be seen, so that poor Pentella had like to have died with terror. But when the magicians came to a wood, where the branches of some of the trees were dancing a sword dance, and the boughs of others were playing together at hot-cockles, they desired the ring to break the spell by which the old man had become young again, and instantly Minecco Aniello, who was just at that minute in the presence of the king, was suddenly seen to grow hoary, his hairs to whiten, his forehead to wrinkle, his eyebrows to grow bristly, his eyes to sink in, his face to be furrowed, his mouth to become toothless, his beard to grow bushy, his back to be humped, his legs to tremble, and, above all, his glittering garments to return to rags and tatters. The king, seeing this miserable beggar seated beside him at table, ordered him to be instantly driven away with blows and hard words ; whereupon Aniello, thus suddenly fallen from his good luck, went weeping to his daughter, and asked for the ring in order to set matters to rights again. But when he heard the fatal trick of the false merchant, he was ready to throw himself out of the window, cursing a thousand times the ig- norance of his daughter, who, for the sake of a silly doll, had turned him into a miserable scarecrow, and for a paltry thing of rags had brought him to rags himself, adding that he was resolved to go wandering about the world, like a bad shilling, until he should get tidings of those merchants. So saying, he threw a cloak about his neck and a wallet on his back, drew his sandals on his feet, took a staff in his hand, and, leaving his daughter all chilled and frozen, he set out walking desper- ately on until he came to the kingdom of Deep-Hole, inhabited by mice, where, having been taken for a big spy of the cats, he was instantly led before Rosecone, 1 the kin£\ The king at once asked him who he was, whence he came, and what he was J Nibbler. [*7l TALES OF LAUGHTER about in that country ; and Minecco Aniello, after first giving the king a cheese-paring, in sign of tribute, related to him all his misfortunes, one by one, and concluded by saying that he was resolved to continue his toil and travel until he could get tidings of those thievish villains who had robbed him of so precious a jewel, taking from him at once the flower of his youth, the source of his wealth, and the prop of his honor. At these words Rosecone felt pity nibbling at his heart ; and wishing to comfort the poor man, he summoned the oldest mice to a council, and asked their opinions on the misfortunes of Minecco Anidlo, commanding them to use all diligence and endeavor to obtain some tidings of those false merchants. Now among the rest it happened that Rudolo and Saltariello l were present, good mice who were used to the ways of the world, and had lived for six years at a tavern of great resort hard by, and they said to Aniello : " Be of good heart, comrade ! Mat- ters will turn out better than you imagine. You must know that one day, when we were in a room at the hostelry of the Horn, where the most famous men of the world lodge and make merry, two persons from the Hook Castle came in, who, after they had eaten their fill and had seen the bottom of their flagon, fell to talking of a trick they had played a certain old man of Dark-Grotto, and how they had cheated him out of a stone of great value, which one of them, named Jennarone, said he would never take from his finger, that he might not run the risk of losing it, as the old man's daughter had done. When Minecco Aniello heard this, he told the two mice that if they would trust themselves to accompany him to the country where these rogues lived, and recover the ring for him, he would give them a good lot of cheese and salt meat, which they might eat and enjoy with his majesty, the king. Then the two mice, after bargaining for a suitable reward, offered to go over sea and mountain, and taking leave of his mousy majesty, they set out. After journeying a long way, they arrived at Hook Castle, where the mice told Minecco Aniello to remain under some 1 Nibbler and Skipjack. [28] TALES OF LAUGHTER trees on the brink of the river, which, much like a leech, drew the moisture from the land and discharged it into the sea. Then they went to seek the house of the magicians ; and, ob- serving that Jennarone never took the ring from his finger, they stood to gain the victory by stratagem; so, waiting till night had dyed with purple grape-juice the sunburnt face of heaven, and the magicians had gone to bed and were fast asleep, Rudolo began to nibble the finger on which the ring was; whereupon Jennarone, feeling the smart, took the ring off and laid it on a table at the bed's head. But as soon as Sal- tariello saw this, he bobbed the ring into his mouth, and in four skips he was off to find Minecco Aniello, and with even greater joy than the man at the gallows feels when the pardon arrives, he instantly turned the magicians into two jackasses, and, throwing his mantle over one of them, he bestrode him like a noble count; then he loaded the other with cheese and bacon, and set off toward Deep-Hole, where, having given presents to the king and his counselors, he thanked them for all the good fortune he had received by their assistance, praying Heaven that no mouse-trap might ever lay hold of them, that no cat might ever harm them, and that no arsenic might ever poison them. Then, leaving that country, Minecco Aniello returned to Dark-Grotto, even more handsome than before, and was re- ceived by the king and his daughter with the greatest affection of the heart, and having ordered the two asses cast down from a rock, he lived happily with his wife, never more taking the ring from his finger, that he might not again commit such a folly. [29] The Fox and the Cat /N a certain forest there once lived a fox, and near to the fox lived a man who had a cat that had been a good mouser in its youth, but was now old and half-blind. The man didn't want puss any longer, but not liking to kill him, took him out into the forest and lost him there. Thea the fox came up and said : " Why, Mr. Shaggy Matthew ! How d'ye do? What brings you here ? " " Alas ! " said pussy, " my master loved me as long as I could bite, but now that I can bite no longer, and have left off catching mice — and I used to catch them finely once — he doesn't like to kill me, but he has left me in the wood, where I must perish miserably." " No, dear pussy ! " said the fox ; " you leave it to me, and I'll help you get your daily bread." " You are very good, dear little sister foxy ! " said the cat, and the fox built him a little shed with a garden round it to walk about in. Now one day the hare came to steal the man's cabbage. " Kreem-kreem-kreem ! " he squeaked. But the cat popped his head out of the window, and when he saw the hare, he put up his back and stuck up his tail and said : " Ft-t-t-t-t-Frrrrrrr ! " The hare was frightened and ran away and told the bear, the wolf, and the wild boar all about it. " Never mind," said the bear, " I tell you what, we'll all four give a banquet, and invite the fox and the cat, and do for the pair of them. Now, look here ! I'll steal the man's mead ; and you, Mr. Wolf, steal his fat-pot ; and you, Mr. Wildboar, root up his fruit trees ; and you, Mr. Bunny, go and invite the fox and the cat to dinner." [30] TALES OF LAUGHTER So they made everything ready as the bear had said, and th6 hare ran off to invite the guests. He came beneath the window and said : " We invite your little ladyship, Foxy-Woxy, together with Mr. Shaggy Matthew, to dinner " — and back he ran again. " But you should have told them to bring their spoons with them," said the bear. " Oh, what a head I've got ! if I didn't quite forget ! " cried the hare, and back he went again, ran beneath the window, and cried: " Mind you bring your spoons ! " " Very well," said the fox. So the cat and the fox went to the banquet, and when the cat saw the bacon, he put up his back and stuck out his tail and cried: " Mee-oo, mee-oo ! " with all his might. But they thought he said: " Ma-lo, ma-lo ! " 1 " What ! " said the bear, who was hiding behind the beeches with the other beasts, " here have all we four been getting to- gether all we could, and this pig-faced cat calls it too little! What a monstrous cat he must be to have such an appetite ! " So they were all four very frightened, and the bear climbed up a tree, and the others hid where they could. But when the cat saw the boar's bristles sticking out from behind the bushes he thought it was a mouse, and put up his back again and cried : " Ft ! ft ! ft ! Frrrrrrr ! " Then they were more frightened than ever. And the boar went into a bush still farther off, and the wolf went behind an oak, and the bear got down from the tree, and climbed up into a bigger one, and the hare ran right away. But the cat remained in the midst of all the good things and ate away at the bacon, and the little fox gobbled up the honey, and they ate and ate till they couldn't eat any more, and then they both went home licking their paws. » What a little! what a little! [31] The Straw Ox rHERE was once upon a time an old man and an old woman. The old man worked in the fields as a pitch burner, while the old woman sat at home and spun flax. They were so poor that they could save nothing at all; all their earnings went in bare food, and when that was gone there was nothing left. At last the old woman had a good idea. " Look, now, husband," cried she, " make me a straw ox, and smear it all over with tar." " Why, you foolish woman ! " said he, " what's the good of an ox of that sort ? " " Never mind»" said she ; " you just make it. I know what I am about." What was the poor man to do? He Set to work and made the ox of straw, and smeared it all over with tar. The night passed away, and at early dawn the old woman took her distaff and drove the straw ox out into the steppe to graze, and she herself sat down behind a hillock and began spinning her flax, and cried : " Graze away, little ox, while I spin my flax ; graze away, little ox, while I spin my flax ! " And while she spun, her head drooped down, and she began to doze, and while she was doz- ing, from behind the dark wood and from the back of the huge pines a bear came rushing out upon the ox and said : " Who are you ? Speak and tell me ! " And the ox said : " A three-year-old heifer am I, made of straw and smeared with tar." " Oh ! " said the bear, " stuffed with straw and trimmed with tar, are you ? Then give me of your straw and tar, that I may patch up my ragged fur again ! " [32] TALES OF LAUGHTER ** Take some," said the ox, and the bear fell upon him an(i began to tear away at the tar. He tore and tore, and buried his teeth in it till he found he couldn't let go again. He tugged and he tugged, but it was no good, and the ox dragged him gradually off, goodness knows where. Then the old woman awoke, and there was no ox to be seen. " Alas ! old fool that I am ! " cried she, " perchance it has gone home." Then she quickly caught up her distaff and spinning-board, threw them over her shoul- ders, and hastened off home, and she saw that the ox had dragged the bear up to the fence, and in she went to her old man. " Dad, dad ! " she cried, " look, look ! the ox has brought us a bear. Come out and kill it ! " Then the old man jumped up, tore off the bear, tied him up, and threw him in the cellar. Next morning, between dark and dawn, the old woman took her distaff and drove the ox into the steppe to graze. She her- self sat down by a mound, began spinning, and said : " Graze, graze away, little ox, while I spin my flax ! Graze, graze away, little ox, while I spin my flax ! " And while she spun, her head drooped down, and she dozed. And, lo ! from behind the dark wood, from the back of the huge pines, a gray wolf came rushing out upon the ox and said : " Who are you ? Come, tell me ! " "I am a three-year-old heifer, stuffed with straw and trimmed with tar," said the ox. " Oh, trimmed with tar, are you ? Then give me of your tar to tar my sides, that the dogs and the sons of dogs tear me not ! " " Take some," said the ox. And with that the wolf fell upon him and tried to tear the tar off. He tugged and tugged, and tore with his teeth, but could get none off. Then he tried to let go, and couldn't; tug and worry as he might, it was no good. When the old woman woke, there was no heifer in sight. " Maybe my heifer has gone home ! " she cried ; " I'll go home and see." When she got there she was astonished, for by the paling stood the ox with the wolf still tugging at it. [ 33 ] TALES OF LAUGHTER She ran and told her old man, and her old man came and threw the wolf into the cellar also. On the third day the old woman again drove her ox into the pastures to graze, and sat down by a mound and dozed off. Then a fox came running up. "Who are you?" it asked the ox. " I'm a three-year-old heifer, stuffed with straw and daubed with tar." " Then give me some of your tar to smear my sides with, when those dogs and sons of dogs tear my hide ! " " Take some," said the ox. Then the fox fastened her teeth in him and couldn't draw them out again. The old woman told her old man, and he took and cast the fox into the cellar in the same way. And after that they caught Pussy Swiftfoot x likewise. So when he had got them all safely the old man sat down on a bench before the cellar and began sharpening a knife. And the bear said to him : " Tell me, daddy, what are you sharpening your knife for? " " To flay your skin off, that I may make a leather jacket for myself and a pelisse for my old woman." " Oh, don't flay me, daddy dear ! Rather let me go, and I'll bring you a lot of honey." " Very well, see you do it," and he unbound and let the bear go. Then he sat down on the bench and again began sharpening his knife. And the wolf asked him : " Daddy, what are you sharpening your knife for? " " To flay off your skin, that I may make me a warm cap against the winter." " Oh ! Don't flay me, daddy dear, and I'll bring you a whole herd of little sheep." " Well, see that you do it," and he let the wolf go. Then he sat down, and began sharpening his knife again. The fox put out her little snout, and asked him : " Be so kind, dear daddy, and tell me why you are sharpen* ing your knife ? " • The hare. [34] TALES OF LAUGHTER " Little foxes," said the old man, " have nice skins that do capitally for collars and trimmings, and I want to skin you ! " " Oh ! Don't take my skin away, daddy dear, and I will bring you hens and geese." " Very well, see that you do it ! " and he let the fox go. The hare now alone remained, and the old man began sharp- ening his knife on the hare's account. " Why do you do that ? " asked puss, and he replied : " Little hares have nice little, soft, warm skins, which will make me nice gloves and mittens against the winter ! " " Oh, daddy dear ! Don't flay me, and I'll bring you kale and good cauliflower, if only you let me go ! " Then he let the hare go also. Then they went to bed : but very early in the morning, when it was neither dusk nor dawn, there was a noise in the door- way like " Durrrrrr ! " " Daddy ! " cried the old woman, " there's some one scratch- ing at the door ; go and see who it is ! " The old man went out, and there was the bear carrying a whole hive full of honey. The old man took the honey from the bear; but no sooner did he lie down than again there was another " Durrrrr ! " at the door. The old man looked out and saw the wolf driving a whole flock of sheep into the court- yard. Close on his heels came the fox, driving before him geese and hens, and all manner of fowls ; and last of all came the hare, bringing cabbage and kale, and all manner of good food. And the old man was glad, and the old woman was glad. And the old man sold the sheep and oxen, and got so rich that he needed nothing more. As for the straw-stuffed ox, it stood in the sun till it fell to pieces. [35 The Cat, the Cock y and the Fox rHERE was once upon a time a cat and a cock, who agreed to live together ; so they built them a hut in a barnyard, and the cock kept house while the cat went foraging for sausages. One day the fox came running up : " Open the door, little cock ! " cried she. " Pussy told me not to, little fox ! " said the cock. " Open the door, little cock ! " repeated the fox. " I tell you pussy told me not to, little fox ! " At last, however, the cock grew tired of always saying " No ! " so he opened the door, and in the fox rushed, seized him in her jaws, and ran off with him. Then the cock cried : "Help! pussy-pussy I That foxy hussy Has got me tight With all her might. Across her tail My legs do trail Along the bridge so stony I" The cat heard it, gave chase to the fox, rescued the cock, brought him home, scolded him well, and said : " Now keep out of her jaws in the future if you don't want to be killed altogether ! " Then the cat went out foraging for wheat, so that the cock might have something to eat. He had scarcely gone when the sly she-fox again came creeping up. " Dear little cock ! " said she, " pray open the door ! " "Nay, little fox! Pussy said I wasn't to." But the fox went on asking and asking till at last the cock let him in, when the fox rushed at him, seized him by the neck, and ran off with him. Then the cock cried out : [36] TALES OF LAUGHTER "Help I pussy-pussy! That foxy hussy Has got me tight With all her might. Across her tail My legs do trail Along the bridge so stony 1" The cat heard it, and again he ran after the fox and rescued the cock, and gave the fox a sound drubbing. Then he said to the cock : " Now, mind you, never let her come in again, or she'll eat you." But the next time the cat went out, the she-fox came again, and said: " Dear little cock, open the door ! " " No, little fox ! Pussy said I wasn't to." But the fox begged and begged so piteously that at last the cock was quite touched, and opened the door. Then the fox caught him by the throat again, and ran away with him, and the cock cried : "Helpf pussy-pussy! That foxy hussy Has got me tight With all her might. Across her tail My legs do trail Along the bridge so stony!" 1 he cat heard it, and gave chase again. He ran and ran, but this time he couldn't catch the fox up ; so he returned home and wept bitterly, because he was now all alone. At last, how- ever, he dried his tears and got him a little fiddle, a little fiddle- bow, and a big sack, and went to the fox's hole and began to play: "Fiddle-de-dee! The foxy so wee Had daughters twice two, And a little son too, [371 TALES OF LAUGHTER Oh, fiddle-de-dee! Come, foxy, and see My sweet minstrelsy!" Then the fox's daughter said : " Mammy, I'll go out and see who it is that is playing so nicely ! " So out she skipped, but no sooner did pussy see her than he caught hold of her and popped her into his sack. Then he flayed again: "Fiddle-de-dee! The foxy so wee Had daughters twice two, And a little son too Oh! Fiddle-de-dee! Come, foxy, and see My sweet minstrelsy!" Then the second daughter skipped out, and pussy caught her by the forehead, and popped her into his sack, and went on playing and singing till he had got all four daughters into his sack, and the little son also. Then the old fox was left all alone, and she waited and waited, but not one of them came back. At last she said to herself : " I'll go out and call them home, for the cock is roasting, and the milk pottage is simmering, and 'tis high time we had something to eat." So out she popped, and the cat pounced upon her and killed her too. Then he went and drank up all the soup, and gobbled up all the pottage, and then he saw the cock lying on a plate. " Come, shake yourself, cock ! " said puss. So the cock shook himself, and got up, and the cat took the cock home, and the dead foxes too. And when they got home they skinned them to make nice beds to lie upon, and lived happily together in peace and plenty. And as they laughed. over the joke as a good joke, we may laugh over it too. [38] The Fox and the Dove ^~\NCE upon a time there was a dove who built her nest in f y a high tree. Every year, about the time when her young >-^ ones were beginning to get feathers, Reynard Sly-Boots would come along and say to the dove : " Give me your young ones to eat ; throw them down to me of your own accord, or I will gobble you up, as well as them ! " The dove, frightened at the threat, would throw down the young birds and thus it had happened year after year. Now one day, as the dove sat most melancholy upon her nest, a great bird flew up and asked why she was so sad and down- cast. And the dove answered that it was because Reynard would soon come and eat up her young ones. Upon this the great bird replied, " Oh, you goose ! Why do you throw them down to him? Just bid your good friend to please give himself the trouble to come after them. Then you'll soon see him sneak away with his tail between his legs, for Reynard cannot climb a tree." So when the time came round and Reynard again presented himself, the dove said to him, "If you want meat for dinner, just be so kind as to come up and help yourself." When the fox saw that he must go away empty he asked the dove who had counseled her to speak thus, and she an- swered : " The great bird that has a nest yonder near the stream." Reynard at once betook himself to the stream and remon- strated with the great bird for building his nest in so exposed a place, asking what he did in case of a high wind. The great bird answered, " When fhe wind blows from the right I turn to the left; when it blows from the left I turn to the right." [39] TALES OF LAUGHTER " But what do you do when it blows from all sides ? " asked the fox. " Then I stick my head under my wing," said the great bird, showing how he did it. But quick as a wink, when the great bird stuck his head under his wing, Reynard Sly-Boots sprang upon him and seized him, saying : " You know how to give counsel to others, but not to ad- vise yourself." So he ate him up ! [40] The Fox and the Hedgehog yt HEDGEHOG met Master Reynard in a field, and y*nf said to him, " Hello, master ! Whither away ? " ^ A. " Oh, I'm just loafing around! " answered the fox. " Tell me, now," said Reynard to the hedgehog, after they had been chatting a while, " how manifold is your under- standing ? " " Threefold," answered the hedgehog. " Why, how is that ? " asked the fox. " Why, you see, I have one sense above, one below, and the third everywhere," replied the hedgehog ; and added : " And how manifold is your understanding ? " " Oh, mine is seventy-sevenfold," answered the fox. " Well, well ! " said the hedgehog. Thereupon they walked along through the fields, and sc eagerly were they talking that they gave no heed to the way, and presently stumbled into a wolf's den. Then was good counsel precious ! How should they ever get out of this scrape ? Said Reynard to the hedgehog, " Come now, search around in your head-piece for a means of getting out of this pickle." " I should have done that before," answered the hedgehog, " but I was afraid that by and by you would curse me. How shall I, a little hedgehog, with only a threefold understanding, devise anything better than you, who have a seventy-sevenfold understanding? " However, after talking back and forth a long time, the hedge- hog made this suggestion : " Say, Reynard, just seize me by the ear and throw me up out of the den, because I am the smaller." " Yes, but how shall I get out ? " " Oh, just stick up your tail, and I will pull you out ! " TALES OF LAUGHTER So Reynard seized the hedgehog by the ear and tossed him up out of the den. Then he called upon him to keep his word. " Hello, there, Gossip, now pull me out ! " " Do you know what," answered the hedgehog, " I'll tell you something. I have only a threefold understanding, and yet I found a way of helping myself. Now do you help yourself with your seventy-sevenfold understanding." By this time a peasant came along, and finding the fox in the den he made short work with him. But the hedgehog crept away through the thicket with his threefold understanding, while Reynard, with all his seventy-sevenfold understanding, was carried off by the peasant. The Disappointed Bear •*\NCE upon a time a little old woman, who was walking t J in the forest, climbed up into a wild-cherry tree to v-X gather cherries. Now, a bear espied her, and he came under the tree and cried, " Come down, old woman, that I may eat you ! " " Go along with you ! " answered the old woman. " Why should you eat a scrawny old woman like me. Here, gnaw upon my shoe till I come down, and I will take you to my house; I have two little children there, named Janko and Mirko; they will make you a right savory dish. So have patience till you get them." So said the little old woman, and threw down one of her shoes. Master Bruin gnawed and gnawed upon it, but the more he gnawed the hungrier he grew. Greatly enraged, he screamed up to the old woman : " Come down, you old wench, and let me eat you ! " " Just wait a little longer, till the old wench has gath- ered enough cherries," she answered. " Here, gnaw this other shoe a while ; she'll soon come down and show you the way to her house." So saying, she threw down the other shoe. When Bruin found that the second shoe was no juicier than the first, he made no further effort, but contented himself with thinking of the fat little children at the old woman's house. When she had gathered cherries enough, down she came and went home, the bear tramping along behind her. When they reached the house the old woman said : " I'll tell you what; first let me give the children a good supper, that they may be all the fatter; and meanwhile do you run about till evening to get up a better appetite." l4$1 TALES OF LAUGHTER So Bruin went away and ran about in the woods all the rest of the day, and at evening he came back to the hut. " Here I am, little mother ! " he cried ; " now bring out Janko and Mirko, and see me polish them off. I am starving to death ! " " Oho ! " answered the little old woman from within ; " Janko has made the door fast with bolts, and I have just put Mirko to sleep. I couldn't think of waking him. And the little mother is so old and weak that she can't unbolt the door alone. Come some other day ! " Then Master Bruin perceived that he had been fooled, and he walked reluctantly away, with drooping snout and an empty stomach. *44] Young Neverfull yf CERTAIN housewife had a young servant lad who Xj devoured everything eatable that lay in his way. He ^L JL would rummage in the storeroom until he smelled out something good, and would give himself no rest until he had devoured it all. Now, the woman had a jar of preserved fruit, and, as she feared that the youngster would eat it and leave her nothing to put into her pies, she said to him : " My good boy, you have now eaten everything that I have except this jam, and you have left this just as if you knew that it was poisoned. See how kind Heaven is to have preserved you from it. One single spoonful is enough to kill one in- stantly, so I warn you not to touch it unless you want to die." " Very well," answered the boy. On the next Sunday, as the woman was getting ready to go to mass, she said to the boy : " Cook the soup and boil the meat and roast this duck; we will have a good dinner to-day. See that you have all done and ready when I come home." " Very well ; it shall all be done," answered the boy. When the woman was gone he cooked the soup and boiled the meat, and then he put the duck upon the spit to roast. When he saw what a delicious brown crisp was forming all over the duck, he thought, " It can roast itself another one," and ate the crisp all off. He turned the spit and turned it, but the second brown crisp never came. When he saw this, he thought : " When the mistress comes home she will pepper me well," and he began to consider how he could escape a beating. In his desperation he remembered the jar of poison against which his mistress had warned him the day before. With a sudden resolution he went into the [45] TALES OF LAUGHTER storeroom and devoured the whole jarful of preserved fruit, and then crouched down in a corner to wait for death. Presently his mistress came home and cried out angrily: " What have you done to this duck ? " She was about to be- labor him well, when he cried : " Ah, leave me in peace, dear mistress ! I shall die in a minute, anyway, for I have eaten up all the poison ! " At this the woman broke out into a laugh and could not re- fuse to forgive him. The duck and the preserves, however, were gone all the same. Hudden and Dudden and Donald O'Neary rHERE was once upon a time two farmers, and their names were Hudden and Dudden. They had poultry in their yards, sheep on the uplands, and scores of cattle in the meadow land alongside the river. But for all that they weren't happy, for just between their two farms there lived a poor man by the name of Donald O'Neary. He had a hovel over his head and a strip of grass that was barely enough to keep his one cow, Daisy, from starving, and, though she did her best, it was but seldom that Donald got a drink of milk or a roll of butter from Daisy. You would think there was little here to make Hudden and Dudden jealous, but so it is, the more one has the more one wants, and Donald's neigh- bors lay awake of nights scheming how they might get hold of his little strip of grass land. Daisy, poor thing, they never thought of ; she was just a bag of bones. One day Hudden met Dudden, and they were soon grumbling as usual, and all to the tune of "If only we could get that vagabond, Donald O'Neary, out of the country." " Let's kill Daisy," said Hudden at last ; " if that doesn't make him clear out, nothing will." No sooner said than agreed ; and it wasn't dark before Hud- den and Dudden crept up to the little shed where lay poor Daisy, trying her best to chew the cud, though she hadn't had as much grass in the day as would cover your hand. And when Donald came to see if Daisy was all snug for the night, the poor beast had only time to lick his hand once before she died. Well, Donald was a shrewd fellow, and, downhearted though £47] TALES OF LAUGHTER he was, began to think if he could get any good out of Daisy's death. He thought and he thought, and the next day you might have seen him trudging off early to the fair, Daisy's hide over his shoulder, every penny he had jingling in his pockets. Just before he got to the fair, he made several slits in the hide, put a penny in each slit, walked into the best inn of the town as bold as if it belonged to him, and, hanging the hide up to a nail in the wall, sat down. " Some of your best whisky," says he to the landlord. But the landlord didn't like his looks. " Is it fearing I won't pay you, you are ? " says Donald ; " why, I have a hide here that gives me all the money I want." And with that he hit it a whack with his stick, and out hopped a penny. The landlord opened his eyes, as you may fancy. " What'll you take for that hide ? " " It's not for sale, my good man." " Will you take a gold piece? " " It's not for sale, I tell you. Hasn't it kept me and mine for years ? " and with that Donald hit the hide another whack, and out jumped a second penny. Well, the long and the short of it was that Donald let the hide go, and, that very evening, who but he should walk up to Hudden's door? " Good-evening, Hudden. Will you lend me your best pair of scales? " Hudden stared and Hudden scratched his head, but he lent the scales. When Donald was safe at home, he pulled out his pocketful of bright gold, and began to weigh each piece in the scales. But Hudden had put a lump of butter at the bottom, and so the last piece of gold stuck fast to the scales when he took them back to Hudden. If Hudden had stared before, he stared ten times more now, and no sooner was Donald's back turned, than he was off as hard as he could pelt to Dudden's. " Good-evening, Dudden. That vagabond, bad luck to him " [48] TALES' OF LAUGHTER " You mean Donald O'Neary ? " " And who else should I mean ? He's back here weighing out sackfuls of gold." " How do you know that ? " " Here are my scales that he borrowed, and here's a gold piece still sticking to them." Off they went together, and they came to Donald's door. Donald had finished making the last pile of ten gold pieces. And he couldn't finish, because a piece had stuck to the scales. In they walked without an " If you please " or " By your leave." " Well, / never ! " that was all they could say. " Good-evening, Hudden ; good-evening, Dudden. Ah ! you thought you had played me a fine trick, but you never did me a better turn in all your lives. When I found poor Daisy dead, I thought to myself, ' Well, her hide may fetch something ' ; and it did. Hides are worth their weight in gold in the market just now." Hudden nudged Dudden, and Dudden winked at Hudden. " Good-evening, Donald O'Neary." " Good-evening, kind friends." The next day there wasn't a cow or a calf that belonged to Hudden or Dudden but her hide was going to the fair in Hud- den's biggest cart, drawn by Dudden's strongest pair of horses. When they came to the fair, each one took a hide over his arm, and there they were walking through the fair, bawling out at the top of their voices : " Hides to sell ! hides to sell ! " Out came the tanner : " How much for your hides, my good men ? " " Their weight in gold." It's early in the day to come out of the tavern." That was all the tanner said, and back he went to his yard. " Hides to sell ! Fine fresh hides to sell ! " Out came the cobbler : " How much for your hides, my men ? " " Their weight in gold." " Is it making game of me you are ? Take that for your [49] TALES OF LAUGHTER pains," and the cobbler dealt Hudden a blow that made him stagger. Up the people came running from one end of the fair to the other. " What's the matter? What's the matter? " cried they. " Here are a couple of vagabonds selling hides at their weight in gold," said the cobbler. " Hold 'em fast ; hold 'em fast ! " bawled the innkeeper, who was the last to come up, he was so fat. " I'll wager it's one of the rogues who tricked me out of thirty gold pieces yesterday for a wretched hide." It was more kicks than halfpence that Hudden and Dudden got before they were well on their way home again, and they didn't run the slower because all the dogs of the town were at their heels. Well, as you may fancy, if they loved Donald little before, they loved him less now. " What's the matter, friends ? " said he, as he saw them tear- ing along, their hats knocked in, and their coats torn off, and their faces black and blue. " Is it fighting you've been ? or mayhap you met the police, ill luck to them ? " " We'll police you, you vagabond. It's mighty smart you thought yourself, deluding us with your lying tales." " Who deluded you ? Didn't you see the gold with your own two eyes ? " But it was no use talking. Pay for it he must and should. There was a meal-sack handy, and into it Hudden and Dudden popped Donald O'Neary, tied him up tight, ran a pole through the knot, and off they started for the Brown Lake of the Bog, each with a pole-end on his shoulder, and Donald O'Neary between. But the Brown Lake was far, the road was dusty, Hudden and Dudden were sore and weary, and parched with thirst. There was an inn by the roadside. " Let's go in," said Hudden; " I'm dead beat. It's heavy he is for the little he had to eat." If Hudden was willing, so was Dudden. As for Donald, you may be sure his leave wasn't asked, but he was dumped down [50] TALES OF LAUGHTER at the inn door for all the world as if he had been a sack of potatoes. " Sit still, you vagabond," said Dudden ; " if we don't mind waiting, you needn't." Donald held his peace, but after a while he heard the glasses clink, and Hudden singing away at the top of his voice. " I won't have her, I tell you ; I won't have her ! " said Don- ald. But nobody heeded what he said. " I won't have her, I tell you ; I won't have her ! " said Don- ald ; and this time he said it louder ; but nobody heeded what he said. " I won't have her, I tell you ; I won't have her ! " said Don- ald ; and this time he said it as loud as he could. "And who won't you have, may I be so bold as to ask?" said a farmer, who had just come up with a drove of cattle, and was turning in for a glass. " It's the king's daughter. They are bothering the life out tsf me to marry her." " You're the lucky fellow. I'd give something to be in your shoes." " Do you see that, now ! Wouldn't it be a fine thing for a farmer to be marrying a princess, all dressed in gold and jewels?" " Jewels, do you say ? Ah, now, couldn't you take me with you?" " Well, you're an honest fellow, and as I don't care for the king's daughter, though she's as beautiful as the day, and is covered with jewels from top to toe, you shall have her. Just undo the cord and let me out ; they tied me up tight, as they knew I'd run away from her." Out crawled Donald ; in crept the farmer. " Now lie still, and don't mind the shaking ; it's only rumbling over the palace steps you'll be. And maybe they'll abuse you for a vagabond, who won't have the king's daughter ; but you needn't mind that. Ah, it's a deal I'm giving up for you, sure as it is that I don't care for the princess." * Take my cattle in exchange," said the farmer ; and you [51] TALES OF LAUGHTER may guess it wasn't long before Donald was at their tails, driving them homeward. Out came Hudden and Dudden, and the one took one end of the pole, and the other the other. " I'm thinking he's heavier," said Hudden. " Ah, never mind," said Dudden ; " it's only a step now to the Brown Lake." " I'll have her now ! I'll have her now ! " bawled the farmer from inside the sack. " By my faith and you shall, though," said Hudden, and he laid his stick across the sack. "I'll have her! I'll have her!" bawled the farmer, louder than ever. " Well, here you are," said Dudden, for they were now come to the Brown Lake, and, unslinging the sack, they pitched it plump into the lake. " You'll not be playing your tricks on us any longer," said Hudden. " True for you," said Dudden. " Ah, Donald, my boy, it was an ill day when you borrowed my scales ! " Off they went, with a light step and an easy heart, but when they were near home, whom should they see but Donald O'Neary, and all around him the cows were grazing, and the calves were kicking up their heels and butting their heads to- gether. " Is it you, Donald ? " said Dudden " Faith, you've been quicker than we have." " True for you, Dudden, and let me thank you kindly ; the turn was good, if the will was ill. You'll have heard, like me, that the Brown Lake leads to the Land of Promise. I always put it down as lies, but it is just as true as my word. Look at the cattle." Hudden stared, and Dudden gaped ; but they couldn't get over the cattle ; fine, fat cattle they were, too. " It's only the worst I could bring up with me," said Donald O'Neary ; " the others were so fat, there was no driving them. Faith, too, it's little wonder thev didn't care to leave, with [52] TALES OF LAUGHTER grass as far as you could see, and as sweet and juicy as fresh butter." " Ah now, Donald, we haven't always been friends," said Dudden, " but, as I was just saying, you were ever a decent lad, and you'll show us the way, won't you ? " " I don't see that I'm called upon to do that ; there is a power more cattle down there. Why shouldn't I have them all to myself?" " Faith, they may well say, the richer you get, the harder the heart. You always were a neighborly lad, Donald. You wouldn't wish to keep the luck all to yourself? " " True for you, Hudden, though it's a bad example you set me. But I'll not be thinking of old times. There is plenty for all there, so come along with me." Off they trudged, with a light heart and an eager step. When they came to the Brown Lake the sky was full of little white clouds, and, if the sky was full, the lake was as full. " Ah, now> look ! there they are ! " cried Donald, as he pointed to the clouds in the lake. " Where ? where ? " cried Hudden, and " Don't be greedy ! " cried Dudden, as he jumped his hardest to be up first with the fat cattle. But if he jumped first, Hudden wasn't long behind. Thej' never came back. Maybe they got too fat, like the cattle. As for Donald O'Neary, he had cattle and sheep all his days to his heart's content. 53 The Tail rHERE was a shepherd once who went out to the hill to look after his sheep. It was misty and cold, and he had much trouble to find them. At last he had them all but one ; and after much searching he found that one, too, in a peat hag, half drowned ; so he took off his plaid, and bent down and took hold of the sheep's tail and he pulled ! The sheep was heavy with water, and he could not lift her, so he took off his coat and he pulled!! but it was too much for him, so he spit on his hands, and took a good hold of the tail and he pulled ! ! and the tail broke ! and if it had not been for that this tale would have been a great deal longer. IW.J Jack and the King who was a Gentleman TTW~JF"ELL, childre: wanst upon a time, when pigs was §/§/ swine, there was a poor widdy woman lived all alone W r with her wan son Jack in a wee hut of a house, that on a dark night ye might aisily walk over it by mistake, not knowin' at all, at all, it was there, barrin' ye'd happen to strike yer toe agin' it. An' Jack an' his mother lived for lee an' long, as happy as hard times would allow them, in this wee hut of a house, Jack sthrivin' to 'arn a little support for them both by workin' out, an' doin' wee turns back an' forrid to the neighbors. But there was one winter, an' times come to look black enough for them — nothin' to do, an' less to ate, an' clothe themselves as best they might ; an' the winther wore on, gettin' harder an' harder, till at length when Jack got up out of his bed on a mornin', an' axed his mother to make ready the drop of stirabout for their little brakwus as usual, " Musha, Jack, a-mhic," says his mother, says she, " the male-chist — thanks be to the Lord ! — is as empty as Paddy Ruadh's donkey that used to ate his brakwus at supper-time. It stood out long an' well, but it's empty at last, Jack, an' no sign of how we're goin' to get it filled again — only we trust in the good Lord that niver yet disarted the widow and the orphan — He'll not see us want- in', Jack." " The Lord helps them that help themselves, mother," says Jack back again to her. " Thrue for ye, Jack," says she, " but I don't see how we're goin' to help ourselves." " He's a mortial dead mule out an' out that hasn't a kick in him," says Jack. " An', mother, with the help of Providence —not comparin' the Christian to the brute baste — I have a kick [SS] TALES OF LAUGHTER in me yet ; if you thought ye could only manage to sthrive along the best way you could for a week, or maybe two weeks, till I get back again off a little journey I'd like to undhertake." " An' may I make bould to ax, Jack," says his mother to him, " where would ye be afther makin' the little journey to? " " You may that, then, mother," says Jack. " It's this : You know the King of Munsther is a great jintleman entirely. It's put on him, he's so jintlemanly, that he was niver yet known to make use of a wrong or disrespectable word. An' he prides himself on it so much that he has sent word over all the known airth that he'll give his beautiful daughter — the loveliest pic- thur in all Munsther, an' maybe in all Irelan', if we'd say it — an' her weight in goold, to any man that in three trials will make him use the unrespectful word, an' say, ' Ye're a liar ! ' But every man that tries him, an' fails, loses his head. All sorts and descriptions of people, from prences an' peers down to bagmen an' beggars, have come from all parts of the known world to thry for the great prize, an' all of them up to this has failed, an' by consequence lost their heads. But, mother dear," says Jack, " where's the use in a head to a man if he can't get mail for it to ate? So I'm goin' to thry me fortune, only axin' your blissin' an' God's blissin' to help me on the way." " Why, Jack, a-thaisge," says his mother, " it's a danger- some task ; but as you remark, where's the good of the head to ye when ye can't get mail to put in it? So I give ye my blissin', an' night, noon, an' mornin' I'll be pray in' for ye to prosper." An' Jack set out, with his heart as light as his stomach, an' his pocket as light as them both together ; but a man'll not travel far in ould Irelan' (thanks be to God!) on the bare- footed stomach — as we'll call it — or it'll be his own fault if he does ; an' Jack didn't want for plenty of first-class aitin' an' dhrinkin', lashin's an' laivin's, and pressin' him to more. An* in this way he thraveled away afore him for five long days till he come to the King of Munsther's castle. And when he was corned there he rattled on the gate, an' out come the king. [56] TALES OF LAUGHTER " Well, me man," says the king, " what might be your busi- ness here? " " I'm come here, your Kingship," says Jack, mighty polite, an' pullin' his forelock, be raison his poor ould mother had always insthructed him in the heighth of good breedin' — " I'm come here, your R'yal Highness," says Jack, " to thry for yer daughter." " Hum ! " says the king. " Me good young man," says he, " don't ye think it a poor thing to lose yer head ? " " If I lose it," says Jack, " sure one consolation 'ill be that I'll lose it in a glorious cause." An' who do ye think would be listenin' to this same delud- herin' speech of Jack's, from over the wall, but the king's beautiful daughter herself. She took an eyeful out of Jack- an' right well plaised she was with his appearance, for — " Father," says she at once, " hasn't the boy as good a right to get a chance as another ? What's his head to you ? Let the boy in," says she. An' sure enough, without another word, the king took Jack within the gates, an' handin' him over to the sarvints, tould him to be well looked afther an' cared for till mornin'. Next mornin' the king took Jack with him an' fetched him out into the yard. " Now then, Jack," says he, " we're goin' to begin. " We'll drop into the stables here, an' I'll give you your first chance." So he took Jack into the stables an' showed him some won- dherful big horjes, the likes of which poor Jack never saw afore, an' every one of which was the heighth of the side wall of the castle an' could step over the castle walls, which were twenty-five feet high, without strainin' themselves. " Thems' purty big horses, Jack," says the king. " I don't suppose ever ye saw as big or as wondherful as them in yer life." " Oh, they're purty big, indeed," says Jack, takin' it as cool as if there was nothin' whatsomever astonishin' to him about them. " They're purty big, indeed," says Jack, " for this coun- thry. But at home with us in Donegal we'd only count them [571 TALES OF LAUGHTER little nags, shootable for the young ladies to dhrive in pony- carriages." " What ! " says the king, " do ye mane to tell me ye have seen bigger in Donegal ? " " Bigger ! " says Jack. " Phew ! Blood alive, yer Kingship, I seen horses in my father's stable that could step over your horses without thrippin'. My father owned one big horse — the greatest, I believe, in the world again." " What was he like ? " says the king. " Well, yer Highness," says Jack, " it's quite beyond me to tell ye what he was like. But I know when we wanted to mount it could only be done by means of a step-laddher, with nine hundred and ninety steps to it, every step a mile high, an' you had to jump seven mile off the topmost step to get on his back. He ate nine ton of turnips, nine ton of oats, an' nine ton of hay in the day, an' it took ninety-nine men in the day- time, an' ninety-nine more in the night-time, carrying his feeds to him ; an' when he wanted a drink, the ninety-nine men had to lead him to a lough that was nine mile long, nine mile broad, an' nine mile deep, an' he used to drink it dry every time," says Jack, an' then he looked at the king, expectin' he'd surely have to make a liar of him for that. But the king only smiled at Jack, an' says he, " Jack, that was a wonderful horse entirely, an' no mistake." Then he took Jack with him out into the garden for his second trial, an' showed him a bee-skep, the size of the big- gest rick of hay ever Jack had seen ; an' every bee in the skep was the size of a thrush, an' the queeny bee as big as a jackdaw. " Jack," says the king, says he, " isn't them wondherful bees ? I'll warrant ye, ye never saw anything like them? " " Oh, they're middlin' — middlin' fairish," says Jack — " for this counthry. But they're nothin' at all to the bees we have in Donegal. If one of our bees was flying across the fields," says Jack, " and one of your bees happened to come in its way, an' fall into our bee's eye, our bee would fly to the skep, an' ax another bee to take the mote out of his eye." [58] TALES OF LAUGHTER V " Do you tell me so, Jack ? " says the king. " You must have great monsthers of bees." " Monsthers ! " says Jack. " Ah, yer Highness, monsthers is no name for some of them. I remimber," says Jack, says he, " a mighty great breed of bees me father owned. They were that big that when my father's new castle was a-buildin' (in the steddin' of the old one which he consaived to be too small for a man of his mains), and when the workmen closed in the roof, it was found there was a bee inside, an' the hall door not bein' wide enough, they had to toss the side wall to let it out. Then the queeny bee — ah ! she was a wondherful baste en- tirely ! " says Jack. " Whenever she went out to take the air she used to overturn all the ditches and hedges in the country ; the wind of her wings tossed houses and castles ; she used to swallow whole flower gardens ; an' one day she flew against a ridge of mountains nineteen thousand feet high and knocked a piece out from top to bottom, an' it's called Barnesmore Gap to this day. This queeny bee was a great trouble an' annoy- ance to my father, seein' all the harm she done the naybors round about ; and once she took it in her head to fly over to Englan', an' she created such mischief an' desolation there that the King of Englan' wrote over to my father if he didn't come immaidiately an' take home his queeny bee that was wrackin' an' ruinin' all afore her he'd come over himself at the head of all his army and wipe my father off the face of the airth. So my father ordhered me to mount our wondherful big horse that I tould ye about, an' that could go nineteen mile at every step, an' go over to Englan' an' bring home our queeny bee. An' I mounted the horse an' started, an' when I come as far as the sea I had to cross to get over to Englan', I put the horse's two forefeet into my hat, an' in that way he thrashed the sea dry all the way across an' landed me safely. When I come to the King of Englan' he had to supply me with nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand men an' ninety-nine thousand mile of chains an' ropes to catch the queeny bee an' bind her. It took , us nine years to catch her, nine more to tie her, an' nine years and nine millions of men to drag her home, an' the King of [59] TALES OF LAUGHTER Englan' was a beggar afther from that day till the day of his death. Now, what do ye think of that bee ? " says Jack, think- in' he had the king this time, sure enough. But the king was a cuter one than Jack took him for, an' he only smiled again, an' says he — " Well, Jack, that was a wondherful great queeny bee en- tirely." Next, for poor Jack's third an' last chance, the king took him to show him a wondherful field of beans he had, with every beanstalk fifteen feet high, an' every bean the size of a goose's egg- " Well, Jack," says the king, says he, " I'll engage ye never saw more wondherful beanstalks than them ? " " Is it them ? " says Jack. " Arrah, man, yer Kingship," says he, " they may be very good — for this counthry ; but sure we'd throw them out of the ground for useless afther-shoots in Donegal. I mind one beanstalk in partickler, that my father had for a show an' a cur'osity, that he used to show as a great wondher entirely to sthrangers. It stood on ninety-nine acres of ground, it was nine hundred mile high, an' every leaf cov- ered nine acres. It fed nine thousand horses, nine thousand mules, an' nine thousand jackasses for nineteen years. He used to send nine thousand harvestmen up the stalk in spring to cut and gather off the soft branches at the top. They used to cut these off when they'd reach up as far as them (which was always in the harvest time), an' throw them down, an' nine hundred and ninety-nine horses an' carts were kept busy for nine months carting the stuff away. Then the harvestmen al- ways reached down to the foot of the stalk at Christmas again." " Faix, Jack," says the king, " it was a wondherful bean- stalk, that, entirely." " You might say that," says Jack, trying to make the most of it, for he was now on his last leg. " You might say that," says he. " Why, I mind one year I went up the stalk with the harvestmen, an' when I was nine thousand mile up, doesn't I miss my foot, and down I come. I fell feet foremost, and sunk up to my chin in a whinstone rock that was at the foot. There [60] TALES OF LAUGHTER I was in a quandhary — but I was not long ruminatin' till I hauled out my knife, an' cut off my head, an' sent it home to look for help. I watched after it, as it went away, an' lo an' behould ye, afore it had gone half a mile I saw a fox set on it, and begin to worry it. ' By this an' by that,' says I to meself, ' but this is too bad ! ' — an' I jumped out an' away as hard as I could run, to the assistance of my head. An' when I come up, I lifted my foot, an' give the fox three kicks, an' knocked three kings out of him — every one of them a nicer an' a better jintle- man than you." " Ye're a liar, an' a rascally liar," says the king. " More power to ye ! " says Jack, givin' three buck leaps clean into the air, " an' it's proud I am to get you to confess it; for I have won yer daughter." Right enough, the king had to give up to Jack the daughter — an' be the same token, from the first time she clapped het two eyes on Jack she wasn't the girl to gainsay him — an' her weight in goold. An' they were both of them marrid, an' had such a weddin' as surpassed all the weddin's ever was heerd tell of afore or since in that country or in this. An' Jack lost no time in sendin' for his poor ould mother, an' neither herself nor Jack ever after knew what it was to be in want. An' may you an' I never know that same naither. [61] Hans in Luck JT X" ANS had served his master for seven years, when he t g one day said to him : " Master, my time is up ; I want «*■ -*■ to go home to my mother ; please give me my wages." His master answered, " You have served me well and faith- fully, and as the service has been, so shall the wages be." And he gave him a lump of gold as big as his head. Hans took out his pocket-handkerchief and tied up the gold in it, and then slung the bundle over his shoulder, and started on his homeward journey. As he walked along, just putting one foot before the other, a man on horseback appeared, riding gaily and merrily along on his capering steed. " Ah ! " said Hans quite loud as he passed, " what a fine thing riding must be. You are as comfortable as if you were in an armchair ; you don't stumble over any stones ; you save your shoes, and you get over the road you hardly know how." The horseman, who heard him, stopped and said : " Hallo, Hans, why are you on foot? " " I can't help myself," said Hans, " for I have this bundle to carry home. It is true that it is a lump of gold, but I can hardly hold my head up for it, and it weighs down my shoulder frightfully." " I'll tell you what," said the horseman, " we will change. I will give you my horse, and you shall give me your bundle." " With all my heart," said Hans ; " but you will be rarely weighted with it." The horseman dismounted, took the gold, and helped Hans up, put the bridle into his hands, and said : " When you want to go very fast, you must click your tongue and cry ' Gee-up ! Gee-up ! ' " [fcrl TALES OF LAUGHTER Hans was delighted when he found himself so easily riding along on horseback. After a time it occurred to him that he might be going faster, and he began to click with his tongue, and to cry, " Gee-up ! Gee-up ! " The horse broke into a gallop, and before Hans knew where he was he was thrown off into a ditch which separated the fields from the highroad. The horse would have run away if a peasant coming along the road leading a cow, had not caught it. Hans felt himself all over, and picked himself up ; but he was very angry, and said to the peasant : " Riding is poor fun at times, when you have a nag like mine, which stumbles and throws you, and puts you in danger of breaking your neck. I will never mount it again. I think much more of your cow there. You can walk comfort- ably behind her, and you have her milk into the bargain every day, as well as butter and cheese. What would I not give for a cow like that ? " " Well," said the peasant, " if you have such a fancy for it as all that, I will exchange the cow for the horse." Hans accepted the offer with delight, and the peasant mounted the horse and rode rapidly off. Hans drove his cow peacefully on, and thought what a lucky bargain he had made. " If only I have a bit of bread, and I don't expect ever to be without it, I shall always have butter and cheese to eat with it. If I am thirsty, I only have to milk my cow and I have milk to drink. My heart ! what more can you desire ? " When he came to an inn he made a halt, and in his great joy he ate up all the food he had with him, all his dinner and his supper, and he gave the last coins he had for half a glass of beer. Then he went on farther in the direction of his mother's village, driving the cow before him. The heat was very oppres- sive, and, as midday drew near, Hans found himself on a heath which it took him an hour to cross. He was so hot and thirsty that his tongue was parched and clung to the roof of his mouth. " This can easily be set to rights," thought Hans. " I will milk my cow and sup up the milk." He t'*4 her to a tr^e 3 and 163] TALES OF LAUGHTER as he had no pail, he used his leather cap instead; but, try as hard as he liked, not a single drop of milk appeared. As he was very clumsy in his attempts, the impatient animal gave him a severe kick on his forehead with one of her hind legs. He was stunned by the blow, and fell to the ground, where he lay for some time, not knowing where he was. Happily, just then a butcher came along the road, trundling a young pig in a wheelbarrow. "What is going on here?" he cried, as he helped poor Hans «ip. Hans told him all that had happened. The butcher handed him his flask, and said: "Here, take a drink, it will do you good. The cow can't give any milk, I sup- pose; she must be too old, and good for nothing but to be a beast of burden, or go to the butcher." "Oh, dear!" said Hans, smoothing his hair. "Now who would ever have thought it! Killing the animal is all very well, but what kind of meat will it be? For my part, I don't like cow's flesh; it's not juicy enough. Now, if one had a nice young pig like that, it would taste ever so much better; and then, all the sausages!" "Listen, Hans!" then said the butcher; "for your sake I will exchange, and let you have the pig instead of the cow." "God reward your friendship!" said Hans, handing over the cow, as the butcher untied the pig, and put the halter with which it was tied into his hand. Hans went on his way, thinking how well everything was turning out for him. Even if a mishap befell him, something else immediately happened to make up for it. Soon after this, he met a lad carrying a beautiful white goose under his arm- They passed the time of day, and Hans began to tell him how lucky he was, and what successful bargains he had made. The lad told him that he was taking the goose for a christening feast. "Just feel it," he went on, holding it up by the wings. "Feel how heavy it is; it's true they have been stuffing it for eigb> weeks. Whoever eats that roast goose will have to wipe the fat off both sides of bis mouth." [64] TALES OF LAUGHTER " Yes, indeed ! " answered Hans, weighing it in his hand ; ** but my pig is no light weight, either." Then the lad looked cautiously about from side to side, and shook his head. " Now, look here," he began ; " I don't think it's all quite straight about your pig. One has just been stolen out of Schultze's sty, in the village I have come from. I fear, I fear it is the one you are leading. They have sent people out to look for it, and it would be a bad business for you if you were found with it; the least they would do, would be to put you in the black hole." Poor Hans was very much frightened at this. " Oh, dear ! oh, dear ! " he said. " Do help me out of this trouble. You are more at home here; take my pig, and let me have your goose." " Well, I shall run some risk if I do, but I won't be the means of getting you into a scrape." So he took the rope in his hand, and quickly drove the pig up a side road ; and honest Hans, relieved of his trouble, plodded on with the goose under his arm. " When I really come to think it over," he said to himself, " I have still had the best of the bargain. First, there is the delicious roast goose, and then all the fat that will drip out of it in cooking will keep us in goose fat to eat on our bread for three months, at least ; and, last of all, there are the beautiful white feathers, which I will stuff my pillow with, and then I shall need no rocking to send me to sleep. How delighted my mother will be ! " As he passed through the last village he came to a knife* grinder with his cart, singing to his wheel as it buzzed merrily; round — "Scissors and knives I grind so fast, And hang up my cloak against the blast." Hans stopped to look at him, and at last he spoke to him and said : " You must be doing a good trade to be so merry over your grinding." " Yes," answered the grinder. " The work of one's hands [65] TALES OF LAUGHTER has a golden foundation. A good grinder finds money when- ever he puts his hand into his pocket. But where did you buy that beautiful goose ? " " I did not buy it ; I exchanged my pig for it." "And the pig?" " Oh, I got that instead of my cow." " And the cow ? " " I got that for a horse." " And the horse?" " I gave a lump of gold as big as my head for it." "And the gold?" " Oh, that was my wages for seven years' service." " You certainly have known how to manage your affairs," said the grinder. " Now, if you could manage to hear the money jingling in your pockets when you got up in the morn- ing, you would indeed have made your fortune." " How shall I set about that ? " asked Hans. " You must be a grinder like me — nothing is needed for it but a whetstone ; everything else will come of itself. I have one here which certainly is a little damaged, but you need not give me anything for it but your goose. Are you willing? " " How can you ask me such a question? " said Hans. " Why, I shall be the happiest person in the world. If I can have some money every time I put my hand in my pocket, what more should I have to trouble about ? " So he handed him the goose, and took the whetstone in exchange. " Now," said the grinder, lifting up an ordinary large stone which lay near on the road, " here is another good stone into the bargain. You can hammer out all your old nails on it to straighten them. Take it, and carry it off." Hans shouldered the stone, and went on his way with a light heart, and his eyes shining with joy. " I must have been born in a lucky hour ! " he cried ; " everything happens just as I want it, and as it would happen to a Sunday's child." In the mean time, as he had been on foot since daybreak, he began to feel very tired, and he was also very hungry, as he [66] TALES OF LAUGHTER had eaten all his provisions at once, in his joy at his bargain over the cow. At last he could hardly walk any farther, and he was obliged to stop every minute to rest. Then the stones were frightfully heavy, and he could not get rid of the thought that it would be very nice if he were not obliged to carry them any farther. He dragged himself like a snail to a well in the fields, meaning to rest and refresh himself with z draught of the cool water. So as not to injure the stones by sitting on them, he laid them carefully on the edge of the well. Then he sat down, and was about to stoop down to drink when he inadvertently gave them a little push, and both the stones fell straight into the water. When Hans saw them disappear before his very eyes he jumped for joy, and then knelt down and thanked God, with tears in his eyes, for having shown him this further grace, and relieved him of the heavy stones (which were all that remained to trouble him) without giving him anything to reproach him- self with. " There is certainly no one under the sun so happy as I," he said. And so, with a light heart, free from every care, he bounded on home to his mother. [67] The Family Servants J TT HERE are you going to ? " " To Walpe." &/§/ " I to Walpe, you to Walpe ; so, so, together r r we go." " Have you got a husband ? How do you call your hus- band ? " " Cham." " My husband Cham, your husband Cham ; I to Walpe, you to Walpe ; so, so, together we go." " Have you got a child ? How do you call your child ? " " Grild." " My child Grild, your child Grild ; my husband Cham, your husband Cham ; I to Walpe, you to Walpe ; so, so, together we go." " Have you got a cradle ? How do you call your cradle ? " " Hippodadle." " My cradle Hippodadle, your cradle Hip- podadle ; my child Grild, your child Grild ; my husband Cham, your husband Cham ; I to Walpe, you to Walpe ; so, so, together we go." " Have you got a man ? How do you call your man ? " " Do-as-well-as-you-can." " My man Do-as-well-as-you-can, your man Do-as-well-as-you-can ; my cradle Hippodadle, your cradle Hippodadle ; my child Grild, your child Grild ; my hus- band Cham, your husband Cham ; I to Walpe, you to Walpe ; so, so, together we go." [68] The Flail which came from the Clouds yf COUNTRYMAN once drove his plow with a pair >^# of oxen, and when he came about the middle of his ^ JL fields the horns of his two beasts began to grow, and grow, till they were so high that when he went home he could not get them into the stable-door. By good luck just then a Butcher passed by, to whom he gave up his beasts, and struck a bargain, that he should take to the Butcher a measure- full of turnip-seed, for every grain of which the Butcher should give him a Brabant dollar. That is what you may call a good bargain ! The Countryman went home, and came again, carry- ing on his back a measure of seed, out of which he dropped one grain on the way. The Butcher, however, reckoned out for every seed a Brabant dollar ; and had not the Countryman lost one he would have received a dollar more. Meanwhile the seed which he dropped on the road had grown up to a fine tree, reaching into the clouds. So the Countryman thought to him- self he might as well see what the people in the clouds were about. Up he climbed, and at the top he found a field with some people thrashing oats ; but while he was looking at them he felt the tree shake beneath him, and, peeping downward, he perceived that some one was on the point of chopping down the tree at the roots. " If I am thrown down," said the Countryman to himself, " I shall have a bad fall ; " and, quite bewildered, he could think of nothing else to save himself than to make a rope with the oat straw, which lay about in heaps. He then seized hold of a hatchet and flail which were near him, and let himself down by his straw rope. He fell into a deep, deep hole in the earth, and found it very lucky that he had [69] TALES OF LAUGHTER brought the hatchet with him; for with it he cut steps, and so mounted again into the broad daylight, bringing with him the flail for a sign of the truth of his tale, which nobody, on that account, was able to doubt ! There is a wonderful adventure!!! l?ol The Soles Mouth rHE Fishes once grew very discontented because no order was kept in their dominions. None turned aside for the others, but each swam right or left just as it pleased him, sometimes between those who wished to be to- gether, or else pushed them to one side, and the stronger ones gave the weaker blows with their tails, which made them get out of the way as fast as they could, or else they devoured them without more ceremony. " How nice it would be," thought the Fishes, " if we had a king who should exercise the power of judging between us ! " And so at last they assembled together to choose a lord, who should be he who could swim the quickest and render help best to the weaker fishes. So they laid themselves all in rank and file by the shore, and the Pike gave a signal with his tail, on which they started off. Like an arrow darted away the Pike, closely followed by the Herring, the Gudgeon, the Perch, the Carp, and the rest. Even the Sole swam among them, hoping to gain the prize. All at once a cry was heard, " The Herring is first, the Herring is first ! " " Who is first ? " asked the flat, envious Sole in a vexed tone. " Who is first? " " The Herring, the Herring ! " was the reply. " The nak-ed Herring, the nak-ed Herring ! " cried the Sole disdainfully. And ever since that time the Sole's mouth has been all awry as a punishment for his wicked envy. [71] The Three Brothers rHERE was once a man who had three sons, but no .^fortune except the house he lived in. Now, each of them wanted to have the house after his death ; but their father was just as fond of one as of the other, and did not know how to treat them all fairly. He did not want to sell the house, because it had belonged to his forefathers, or he might have divided the money between them. At last an idea came into his head, and he said to his sons: " Go out into the world, and each learn a trade, and when you come home, the one who makes best use of his handicraft shall have the house." The sons were quite content with this plan, and the eldest decided to be a farrier, the second a barber, and the third a fencing master. They fixed a time when they would all meet at home again, and then they set off. It so happened that they each found a clever master with whom they learned their business thoroughly. The farrier shod the king's horses, and he thought, " I shall certainly be the one to have the house." The barber shaved nobody but grand gentlemen, so he thought it would fall to him. The fencing master got many blows, but he set his teeth, and would not let himself be put out, because he thought, " If I am afraid of a blow, I shall never get the house." Now, when the given time had passed, they all went home together to their father ; but they did not know how to get ? good opportunity of showing off their powers, and sat down to discuss the matter. Suddenly a hare came running over the field. " Ah ! " cried the barber, " she comes just in the nick of time." [72] TALES OF LAUGHTER He took up his bowl and his soap, and got his lather by the time the hare came quite close, then he soaped her in full career, and shaved her as she raced along, without giving her a cut or missing a single hair. His father, astonished, said: "If the others don't look out, the house will be yours." Before long a gentleman came along in his carriage , at full gallop. " Now, father, you shall see what I can do," said thjg farrier, and he ran after the carriage and tore the four shoes off the horse as he galloped along, then, without stopping a second, shod him with new ones. " You are a fine fellow, indeed," said his father. " You know your business as well as your brother. I don't know which I shall give the house to at this rate." Then the third one said : " Let me have a chance, too, father." As it was beginning to rain, he drew his sword and swirled it round and round his head, so that not a drop fell on him. Even when the rain grew heavier, so heavy that it seemed as if it was being poured from the sky out of buckets, he swung the sword faster and faster, and remained as dry as if he had been under a roof. His father was amazed, and said : " You have done the best ; the house is yours." Both the other brothers were quite satisfied with this de- cision, and as they w r ere all so devoted to one another, they lived together in the house, and carried on their trades, by which they made plenty of money, since they were so perfect in them. They lived happily together to a good old age, and when one fell ill and died, the others grieved so much over him that they pined away and soon after departed this life. Then, as they had been so fond of one another, they were all buried in one grave 173] The Wren and the Bear f\ NE summer's day the bear and the wolf were walking in w J the forest, and the bear heard a bird singing very sweet- >-X^ ly, and said : " Brother Wolf, what kind of bird is that which is singing so delightfully ? " " That is the king of the birds, before whom we must do reverence," replied the wolf; but it was only the wren. " If that be so," said the bear, " I should like to see his royal palace ; come, lead me to it." " That cannot be as you like," replied the wolf. " You must wait till the queen returns." Soon afterward the queen arrived with some food in her bill, and the king, too, to feed their young ones, and the bear would ^ave gone off to see them, but the wolf, pulling his ear, said : " No, you must wait till the queen and the king are both off again." So, after observing well the situation of the nest, the two tramped off, but the bear had no rest, for he wished still to see the royal palace, and after a short delay he set off to it again. He found the king and queen absent, and, peeping into the nest, he saw five or six young birds lying in it. " Is this the royal palace ? " exclaimed the bear ; " this miserable place ! You are no king's children, but wretched young brats." " No, no, that we are not ! " burst out the little wrens together in a great pas- sion, for to them this speech was addressed. " No, no, we are born of honorable parents, and you, Mr. Bear, shall make your words good ! " At this speech the bear and the wolf were much frightened, and ran back to their holes ; but the little wrens kept up an unceasing clamor till their parents' return. As soon as they came back with food in their mouths the little birds began, " We will none of us touch a fly's leg, but will starve rather, until you decide whether we are fine and hand- [74] TALES OF LAUGHTER some children or not, for the bear has been here and in- sulted us ! " " Be quiet," replied the king, " and that shall soon be settled." And thereupon he flew with his queen to the residence of the bear, and called to him from the entrance, " Old grumbler, why have you insulted my children? That shall cost you dear, for we will decide the matter by a pitched battle." War having thus been declared against the bear, all the four- footed beasts were summoned : the ox, the ass, the cow, the goat, the stag, and every animal on the face of the earth. The wren, on the other hand, summoned every flying thing ; not only the birds, great and small, but also the gnat, the hornet, the bee, and the flies. When the time arrived for the commencement of the war, the wren king sent out spies to see who was appointed com- mander-in-chief of the enemy. The gnat was the most cunning of all the army, and he, therefore, buzzed away into the forest where the enemy was encamped, and alighted on a leaf of the tree beneath which the watchword was given out. There stood the bear and called the fox to him, and said : " You are the most crafty of animals, so you must be general, and lead us on." " Well," said the fox, " but what sign shall we appoint ? " No- body answered. Then the fox said : " I have a fine long bushy tail, which looks like a red feather at a distance; if I hold this tail straight up, all is going well and you must march after me ; but if I suffer it to hang down, run away as fast as you can." As soon as the gnat heard all this she flew home and told the wren king everything to a hair. When the day arrived for the battle to begin, the four-footed beasts all came running along to the field, shaking the earth with their roaring and bellowing. The wren king also came with his army, whirring and buzzing and humming enough to terrify any one out of his senses. Then the wren king sent the hornet forward to settle upon the fox's tail and sting it with all his power. As soon as the fox felt the first sting he drew up his hind leg with the pain, still carrying, however, his tail as high in the air as before ; at the second sting he was obliged to [753 TALES OF LAUGHTER drop it a little bit ; but at the third he could no longer bear the pain, but was forced to drop his tail between his legs. As soon as the other beasts saw this, they thought all was lost, and be- gan to run each one to his own hole ; so the birds won the battle without difficulty. When all was over the wren king and his queen flew home to their children, and cried out: "Rejoice! rejoice! we have won the battle ; now eat and drink as much as you please." The young wrens, however, said : " Still we will not eat till the bear has come to our nest and begged pardon, and ad- mitted that we are fine and handsome children." So the wren king flew back to the cave of the bear, and called out, " Old grumbler, you must come to the nest and beg pardon of my children for calling them wretched young brats, else your ribs shall be crushed in your body ! " In great terror the bear crept out and begged pardon ; and afterward the young wrens, being now made happy in their minds, settled down to eating and drinking, and I am afraid they were over-excited and kept up their merriment far too late. [76] *The Musicians of Bremen A CERTAIN man had a donkey that had served him f-t faithfully for many long years, but whose strength was ^ JL so far gone that at last he was quite unfit for work. So his master began to consider how much he could make of the donkey's skin, but the beast, perceiving that no good wind was blowing, ran away along the road to Bremen. " There," thought he, " I can be town musician." When he had run some way, he found a hound lying by the roadside, yawning like one who was very tired. " What are you yawning for now, you big fellow ? " asked the ass. " Ah," replied the hound, " because every day I grow older and weaker ; I cannot go any more to the hunt, and my master has well-nigh beaten me to death, so that I took to flight ; and now I do not know how to earn my bread." " Well, do you know," said the ass, " I am going to Bremen, to be town musician there; suppose you go with me and take a share in the music. I will play on the lute, and you shall beat the kettledrums." The dog was satisfied, and off they set. Presently they came to a cat, sitting in the middle of the path, with a face like three rainy days ! " Now, then, old shaver, what has crossed you ? " asked the ass. " How can one be merry when one's neck has been pinched like mine ? " answered the cat. " Because I am growing old, and my teeth are all worn to stumps, and because I would rather sit by the fire and spin, than run after mice, my mistress wanted to drown me ; and so I ran away. But now good ad- vice is dear, and I do not know what to do." " Go with us to Bremen. You understand nocturnal music, so you can be town musician." The cat consented, and went with them. The three vagabonds soon came near a farmyard, [77] TALES GF LAUGHTER where, upon the barn door, the cock was sitting crowing with all his might. " You crow through marrow and bone," said the ass ; " what do you do that for ? " " That is the way I prophesy fine weather," said the cock ; " but, because grand guests are coming for the Sunday, the housewife has no pity, and has told the cook-maid to make me into soup for the morrow ; and this evening my head will be cut off. Now I am crowing with a full throat as long as I can." " Ah, but you, Red-comb," replied the ass, " rather come away with us. We are going to Bremen, to find there something better than death ; you have a good voice, and if we make music together it will have full play." The cock consented to this plan, and so all four traveled on ^ogether. They could not, however, reach Bremen in one day, i\nd at evening they came into a forest, where they meant to pass the night. The ass and the dog laid themselves down under a large tree, the cat and the cock climbed up into the branches, but the latter flew right to the top, where he was most safe. Before he went to sleep he looked all round the four quarters, and soon thought he saw a little spark in the dis- tance ; so, calling his companions, he said they were not far from a house, for he saw a light. The ass said : " If it is so, we had better get up and go farther, for the pasturage here is very bad " ; and the dog continued : " Yes. indeed ! a couple of bones with some meat on would be very acceptable ! " So they made haste toward the spot where the light was, and which shone now brighter and brighter, until they came to a well- lighted robber's cottage. The ass, as the biggest, went to the window and peeped in. " What do you see, Gray-horse ? " asked the cock. " What do I see ? " replied the ass ; " a table laid out with savory meats and drinks, with robbers sitting around enjoying themselves." " That would be the right sort of thing for us," said the cock. " Yes, yes, I wish we were there," replied the ass. Then these animals took counsel together how they should contrive to drive away the robbers, and at last they thought of a way. [78] TALES OF LAUGHTER The ass placed his forefeet upon the window ledge, the hound got on his back, the cat climbed up upon the dog, and, lastly, the cock flew up and perched upon the head of the cat. When this was accomplished, at a given signal they commenced to- gether to perform their music : the ass brayed, the dog barked, the cat mewed, and the cock crew; and they made such a tre- mendous noise, and so loud, that the panes of the window were shivered ! Terrified at these unearthly sounds, the robbers got up with great precipitation, thinking nothing less than that some spirits had come, and fled off into the forest, so the four com- panions immediately sat down at the table, and quickly ate up all that was left, as if they had been fasting for six weeks. As soon as they had finished, they extinguished the light, and each sought for himself a sleeping-place, according to his nature and custom. The ass laid himself down upon some straw, the hound behind the door, the cat upon the hearth, near the warm ashes, and the cock flew up on a beam which ran across the room. Weary with their long walk, they soon went to sleep. At midnight the robbers perceived from their retreat that no light was burning in their house, and all appeared quiet ; so the captain said : " We need not have been frightened into fits " ; and, calling one of the band, he sent him forward to recon- noiter. The messenger, finding all still, went into the kitchen to strike a light, and, taking the glistening, fiery eyes of the cat for live coals, he held a lucifer match to them, expecting it to take fire. But the cat, not understanding the joke, flew in his face, spitting and scratching, which dreadfully frightened him, so that he made for the back door ; but the dog, who laid there, sprang up and bit his leg; and as he limped upon the straw where the ass was stretched out, it gave him a powerful kick with its hind foot. This was not all, for the cock, awaking at the noise, clapped his wings, and cried from the beam : " Cock- a-doodle-doo^ cock-a-doodle-do ! " Then the robber ran back as well as he could to his captain, and said : " Ah, my master, there dwells a horrible witch in the house, who spat on me and scratched my face with her long [79) TALES OF LAUGHTER nails ; and then before the door stands a man with a knife, who chopped at my leg ; and in the yard there lies a black monster, who beat me with a great wooden club ; and besides all, upon the roof sits a judge, who called out, ' Bring the knave up, do ! ' so I ran away as fast as I could." After this the robbers dared not again go near their house ; but everything prospered so well with the four town musicians of Bremen, that they did not forsake their situation ! And there they are to this day, for anything I know. The Fox and the Cat /T happened once that the cat met Mr. Fox in the wood, and because she thought he was clever and experienced in all the ways of the world, she addressed him in a friendly manner. " Good-morning, dear Mr. Fox ! how are you, and how do you get along in these hard times ? " The fox, full of pride, looked at the cat from head to foot for some time, hardly knowing whether he would deign to an- swer or not. At last he said : " Oh, you poor whisker-wiper, you silly piebald, you starve- ling mouse-hunter ! what has come into your head ? How dare you ask me how I am getting on? What sort of education have you had ? How many arts are you master of ? " " Only one," said the cat meekly. " And what might that one be ? " asked the fox. " When the dogs run after me, I can jump into a tree and save myself." " Is that all ? " said the fox. " I am master of a hundred, arts, and I have a sackful of cunning tricks in addition. But I pity you. Come with me, and I will teach you how to escape from the dogs." Just then a huntsman came along with four hounds. The cat sprang trembling into a tree, and crept stealthily up to the topmost branch, where she was entirely hidden by twigs and leaves. " Open your sack, Mr. Fox ! open your sack ! " cried the cat, but the dogs had gripped him, and held him fast. " Oh, Mr. Fox ! " cried the cat, " you with your hundred arts, and your sackful of tricks, are held fast, while I, with my one, am safe. Had you been able to creep up here, you would not have lost your life." [8i] The Golden Key X^VNE winter, when a deep snow was lying on the ground, a m 3 poor boy had to go out in a sledge to fetch wood. As V-^ soon as he had collected together a sufficient quantity, he thought that before he returned home he would make a fire to warm himself, because his limbs were so frozen. So, sweep- ing the snow away, he made a clear space, and presently found a small gold key. As soon as he picked it up, he began to think that where there was a key there must also be a lock ; and, dig- ging in the earth, he found a small iron chest. " I hope the key will fit," thought he to himself ; " there are certainly great treasures in this box ! " He looked all over it, but could not find any keyhole ; but at last he did discover one, which was, however, so small that it could scarcely be seen. He tried the key, and behold ! it fitted exactly. Then he turned it once round, and now, if you will wait until he has quite unlocked it, and lifted up the lid, then we shall learn what wonderful treasures were in the chest ! [82] Doctor Know-All ^ LONG time ago there lived a peasant named >^# " Crabb," who one day drove into a certain city his ^ JL cart laden with a bundle of faggots, drawn by two oxen. He soon found a purchaser for his wood in the person of a learned doctor, who bought it for two dollars, and, while the money was being counted out, the peasant, peeping in at the door, saw how comfortably his customer was eating and drinking; and the thought thereupon came into his head that he would like to be a professor, too. So he waited a little while, and at last mustered courage to ask whether he could not be a doctor. " Oh, yes," replied the doctor, " that can soon be managed ! " " What must I do ? " asked the peasant. " First of all, buy an A B C book, one which has a cock-a- doodle-do for a frontispiece ; secondly, sell your cart and oxen, and turn them into money to buy good clothes with, and what else belongs to a doctor's appearance; lastly, let a sign be painted, with the words, ' I am the Doctor Know-All/ and nail that over your house door." The countryman did all that he was told, and after he had practised a little time, but not to much purpose, a certain very wealthy baron had some money stolen from him. Mention was made to the baron of Doctor Know-Ail, who dwelt in such a village, and who would be sure to know where the money was gone. As soon as the baron heard of him, he ordered his horses put to his carriage and drove to the place where the doctor lived. The baron inquired if he were the Doctor Know-All, and he replying " Yes," the baron said he must return with him and discover his money. "Very well," replied the doctor; "but my wife Gertrude must accompany me." [83] TALES OF LAUGHTER To this the baron agreed, and, all being seated in the car- riage, away they drove back again. When they arrived at the house a splendid collation was on the table, of which the doctor was invited to partake. " Certainly," said he, " but my wife Gertrude, too " ; and he sat down with her at the bottom of the table. As soon as the first servant entered with a dish of deli- cate soup, the doctor poked his wife, saying, " He is the first ! " meaning he was the first who had brought in meat. But the servant imagined he meant to say, " He is the first thief ! " and because he really was so, he felt very much disturbed, and told his comrades in the kitchen, " The doctor knows all ; we shall come off badly, for he has said I am the first ! " When the second servant heard this he felt afraid to go ; but he was obliged, and as soon as he entered the room with the dish, the man poked his wife again, and said : " Gertrude, that is the second ! " This frightened the servant so much that he left the room as soon as possible ; and the third servant who entered fared no better, for the doctor said to his wife, " That is the third ! " The fourth servant had to bring in a covered dish, and the baron said to the doctor he must show his powers by telling truly what was in the dish. Now, there were crabs in it, and the doctor looked at the dish for some minutes, considering how to get out of the scrape. At last he cried out : " Oh, poor Crabb that I am ! " When the baron heard this, he exclaimed : " Good ! he knows it ! he knows, too, where my money is ! " The servant, however, was terribly frightened ; and he winked to the doctor to follow him out. When he had done so, he found all four servants there who had stolen the money, and were now so eager to get off that they offered him a large sum if he would not betray them; for if he did their necks would be in danger. They led him also to the place where the money lay hid, and the doctor was so pleased that he gave them the required promise, and then returned to the house, where he sat down again at table, and, producing his book, said : " I will now look in my book, baron, and discover the place where the money lies." A fifth servant, who had had a share in the robbery, wished to hear if the doctor knew more, C84] TALES OF LAUGHTER and so he crept up the chimney to listen. Below sat the coun* tryman, turning the leaves of his book backward and for- ward, forward and backward, looking for the cock-a-doodle- doo. However, he could not find it, and he at length exclaimed, " You must come out, for I know you are in it ! " This made the servant up the chimney believe he meant him, and down he slipped, and came out, crying, " The man knows all, the man knows all ! " Then Doctor Know-All showed the baron where the money lay ; but he said nothing about who had stolen it, so that from both sides he received a large sum of money as a reward, and,, moreover, he became a very celebrated character. I 8 5 ] The Fair Catherine and Pif-Paf Poltrie >^>OOD DAY, Father Hollenthe. How do you do?* | — " Very well, I thank you, Pif-paf Poltrie." " May I V^ marry your daughter?" "Oh, yes! if the mother Malcho (Milk-Cow), the brother Hohenstolz (High and Mighty), the sister Kasetraut (Cheese-maker), and the fair Catherine are willing, it may be so." " Where is, then, the mother Malcho ? " " In the stable, milking the cow." " Good day, mother Malcho. How do you do ? " " Very well, I thank you, Pif-paf Poltrie." " May I marry your daughter?" "Oh, yes! if the father Hollenthe, the brother Hohenstolz, the sister Kasetraut, and the fair Catherine are willing, it may be so." " Where is, then, the brother Hohenstolz ? " " In the yard, chopping up the wood." " Good day, brother Hohenstolz. How are you ? " " Very well, I thank you, Pif-paf Poltrie." " May I marry your sis- ter ? " " Oh, yes ! if the father Hollenthe, the mother Malcho, the sister Kasetraut, and the fair Catherine are willing, it may be so." " Where is, then, the sister Kasetraut ? " " In the garden, cutting the cabbages." " Good day, sister Kasetraut. How do you do ? " " Very well, I thank you, Pif-paf Poltrie." " May I marry your sis- ter? " " Oh, yes! if the father Hollenthe, the mother Malcho, the brother Hohenstolz, and the fair Catherine are willing, it may be so." " Where is, then, the fair Catherine ? " [86] TALES OF LAUGHTER " In her chamber, counting out her pennies." " Good day, fair Catherine. How do you do ? " " Very well, I thank you, Pif-paf Poltrie." " Will you be my bride? " " Oh, yes ! if the father Hollenthe, the mother Malcho, the brother Hohenstolz, and the sister Kasetraut are willing, so am I." " How much money have you, fair Catherine ? " " Fourteen pennies in bare money, two and a half farthings owing to me, half a pound of dried apples, a handful of prunes, and a handful of roots; and don't you call that a capital dowry? Pif-paf Poltrie, what trade are you? Are you a tailor?" " Better than that." " A shoemaker ? " " Better still ! " A plowman i " Better still ! "A joiner?" "Better still! "A smith?" " Better still ! "A miller?" " Better still ! "Perhaps a broom-binder?" that a pretty trade ? " Yes, so I am; now, is not [87] The Wolf and the Fox yd WOLF, once upon a time, caught a fox. It happened /-m one day that they were both going through the for- age JL est. and the wolf said to his companion : " Get me some food, or I will eat you up." The fox replied : " I know a farmyard where there are a couple of young lambs, which, if you wish, we will fetch." This proposal pleased the wolf, so they went, and the fox, stealing first one of the lambs, brought it to the wolf, and then ran away. The wolf devoured it quickly, but was not con- tented, and went to fetch the other lamb by himself, but he did it so awkwardly that he aroused the attention of the mother, who began to cry and bleat loudly, so that the peasants ran up. There they found the wolf, and beat him so unmercifully that he ran, howling and limping, to the fox, and said : " You have led me to a nice place, for, when I went to fetch the other lamb, the peasants came and beat me terribly ! " " Why are you such a glutton, then ? " asked the fox. The next day they went again into the fields, and the covet- ous wolf said to the fox : " Get me something to eat now, or I will devour you ! " The fox said he knew a country house where the cook was go- ing that evening to make some pancakes, and thither they went. When they arrived, the fox sneaked and crept around round the house, until he at last discovered where the dish was standing, out of which he stole six pancakes, and took them to the wolf, saying, " There is something for you to eat ! " and then ran away. The wolf dispatched these in a minute or two, and, wishing to taste some more, he went and seized the dish, but took it away so hurriedly that it broke in pieces. The noise of its fall brought out the woman, who, as soon as she saw the [88] TALES OF LAUGHTER wolf, called her people, who, hastening up, beat him with such a good will that he ran home to the fox, howling, with two lame legs ! " What a horrid place you have drawn me into now," cried he ; " the peasants have caught me, and dressed my skin finely ! " " Why, then, are you such a glutton ? " said the fox. When they went out again the third day, the wolf limping along with weariness, he said to the fox : " Get me something to eat now, or I will devour you ! " The fox said he knew a man who had just killed a pig, and salted the meat down in a cask in his cellar, and that they could get at it. The wolf replied that he would go with him on con- dition that he helped him if he could not escape. " Oh, of course I will, on mine own account ! " said the fox, and showed him the tricks and ways by which they could get into the cel- lar. When they went in there was meat in abundance, and the wolf was enraptured at the sight. The fox, too, had a taste, but kept looking round while eating, and ran frequently to the hole by which they had entered, to see if his body would slip through it easily. Presently the wolf asked : " Why are you running about so, you fox, jumping in and out?" "I want to see if any one is coming," replied the fox cunningly ; " but mind you do not eat too much ! " The wolf said he would not leave till the cask was quite empty; and meanwhile the peasant, who had heard the noise made by the fox, entered the cellar. The fox, as soon as he saw him, made a spring, and was through the hole in a jiffy ; and the wolf tried to follow his example, but he had eaten so much that his body was too big for the opening, and he stuck fast. Then came the peasant with a cudgel, and beat him sorely; but the fox leaped away into the forest, very glad to ^et rid of the old glutton. [89] Discreet Hans T~ X"ANS'S mother asked: "Whither are you going - , A-y Hans?" " To Grethel's," replied he. " Behave well, JL JL Hans." " I will take care ; good-by, mother." " Good- by, Hans." Hans came to Grethel. " Good day," said he. " Good day," replied Grethel, "what treasure do you bring to-day?" "I bring nothing. Have you anything to give ? " Grethel pre- sented Hans with a needle. " Good-by," said he. " Good-by, Hans." Hans took the needle, stuck it in a load of hay, and walked home behind the wagon. " Good evening, mother." " Good evening, Hans. Where have you been?" "To Grethel's." "And what have you given her ? " " Nothing ; she has given me something." "What has Grethel given you?" "A needle," said Hans. " And where have you put it ? " " In the load of hay." "Then you have behaved stupidly, Hans ; you should put needles on your coat-sleeve." " To behave better, do nothing at all," thought Hans. " Whither are you going, Hans? " " To Grethel's, mother." " Behave well, Hans." " I will take care ; good-by, mother." " Good-by, Hans." Hans came to Grethel. " Good day," said he. " Good day, Hans. What treasure do you bring?" "I bring nothing. Have you anything to give ? " Grethel gave Hans a knife. " Good-by, Grethel." " Good-by, Hans." Hans took the knife, put it in his sleeve, and went home. " Good evening, mother." " Good evening, Hans. Where have you been? " " To Grethel's." " And what did you take to her ? " "I took nothing ; she has given to me." " And what did she give you?" "A knife," said Hans. "And where [9o] TALES OF LAUGHTER have you put it? " " In my sleeve." " Then you have behaved foolishly again, Hans ; you should put knives in your pocket." '*' To behave better, do nothing at all," thought Hans. " Whither are you going, Hans ? " " To Grethel's, mother." " Behave well, Hans." " I will take care ; good-by, mother." " Good-by, Hans." Hans came to Grethel. " Good day, Grethel." " Good day, Hans. What treasure do you bring?" "I bring nothing. Have you anything to give? " Grethel gave Hans a young goat. " Good-by, Grethel." " Good-by, Hans." Hans took the goat, tied its legs, and put it in his pocket. Just as he reached home it was suffocated. " Good evening, mother." "Good evening, Hans. Where have you been?" " To Grethel's." " And what did you take to her ? " "I took nothing; she gave to me." " And what did Grethel give you? " " A goat." " Where did you put it, Hans ? " " In my pocket." " There you acted stupidly, Hans ; you should have tied the goat with a rope." " To behave better, do nothing," thought Hans. " Whither away, Hans ? " " To Grethel's, mother." " Be- have well, Hans." " I'll take care ; good-by, mother." " Good- by, Hans." Hans came to Grethel. " Good day," said he. " Good day, Hans. What treasure do you bring?" "I bring nothing. Have you anything to give ? " Grethel gave Hans a piece of bacon. " Good-by, Grethel." " Good-by, Hans." Hans took the bacon, tied it with a rope, and swung it to and fro so that the dogs came and ate it up. When he reached home he held the rope in his hand, but there was nothing on it. " Good evening, mother," said he. " Good evening, Hans. Where have you been ? " " To Grethel's, mother." " What did you take there ? " "I took nothing ; she gave to me." " And what did Grethel give you ? " "A piece of bacon," said Hans. " And where have you put it? " " I tied it with a rope, swung it about, and the dogs came and ate it up." " There you acted stupidly, Hans ; you should have carried the bacon on your head." " To behave better, do nothing," thought Hans. [91] TALES OF LAUGHTER "Whither away, Hans?" "To Grethel's, mother." "Be- have well, Hans." " I'll take care ; good-by, mother." " Good- by, Hans." Hans came to Grethel. " Good day," said he. " Good day, Hans. What treasure do you bring ? " "I bring nothing. Have you anything to give?" Grethel gave Hans a calf. " Good-by," said Hans. " Good-by." Hans took the calf, set it on his head, and the calf scratched his face. " Good evening, mother." " Good evening, Hans. Where have you been ? " " To Grethel's." " What did you take her ? " " I took nothing; she gave to me." "And what did Grethel give you ? " "A calf," said Hans. " And what did you do with it?" "I set it on my head, and it kicked my face." " Then you acted stupidly, Hans ; you should have led the calf home, and put it in the stall." " To behave better, do nothing," thought Hans. "Whither away, Hans?" "To Grethel's, mother." " Be- have well, Hans." " I'll take care ; good-by, mother." "Good- by, Hans." Hans came to Grethel. " Good day/' said he. " Good day, Hans. What treasure do you bring?" "I bring nothing. Have you anything to give ? " Grethel said : " I will go with you, Hans." Hans tied a rope round Grethel, led her home, put her in the stall, and made the rope fast ; and then he went to his mother. " Good evening, mother." " Good evening, Hans. Where have you been ? " " To Grethel's." " What did you take her ? " " I took nothing." " What did Grethel give you ? " " She gave nothing; she came with me." " And where have you left her, then? " " I tied her with a rope, put her in the stall, and threw in some grass." " Then you acted stupidly, Hans ; you should have looked at her with friendly eyes." " To behave better, do nothing," thought Hans ; and then he went into the stall, and made sheep's eyes at Grethel. And after that Grethel became Hans's wife. [92] King Thrush-heard ^ CETRAIN king had a daughter who was beautiful X-i above all belief, but withal so proud and haughty, that J. jL no suitor was good enough for her, and she not only turned back every one who came, but also made game of them all. Once the king proclaimed a great festival, and invited thereto from far and near all the marriageable young men. When they arrived they were all set in a row, according to their rank and standing: first the kings, then the princes, the dukes, the marquesses, the earls, and, last of all, the barons. Then the king's daughter was led down the rows, but she found something to make game of in all. One was too fat. " The wine-tub ! " said she. Another was too tall. " Long and lanky ; has no grace," she remarked. A third was too short and fat. " Too stout to have any wits," said she. A fourth was too pale. " Like Death himself," was her remark, and a fifth, who had a great deal of color, she called " a cockatoo." The sixth was not straight enough, and him she called " a green log scorched in the oven ! " And so she went on, nicknaming every- one of the suitors, but she made particularly merry with a good young king whose chin had grown rather crooked. " Ha, ha ! " laughed she, " he has a chin like a thrush's beak " ; and after that day he went by the name of Thrush-beard. The old king, however, when he saw that his daughter did nothing but mock at and make sport of all the suitors who were collected, became very angry, and swore that she should take the first decent beggar for a husband who came to the gate. A couple of days after this a player came beneath the win- dows to sing and earn some bounty if he could. As soon as the king saw him he ordered him to be called up, and presently he came into the room in all his dirty, ragged clothes, and sang [93 J TALES OF LAUGHTER before the king and princess, and when he had finished he begged for a slight recompense. The king said : " Thy song has pleased so much that I will give thee my daughter for a wife." The princess was terribly frightened, but the king said : " I have taken an oath, and mean to perform it, that I will give you to the first beggar." All her remonstrances were in vain ; the priest was called, and the princess was married in earnest to the player. When the ceremony was performed, the king said : " Now, it cannot be suffered that you should stop here with your husband, in my house ; no ! you must travel about the country with him." So the beggarman led her away, and she was forced to trudge along with him on foot. As they came to a large forest, she asked : "To whom belongs this beautiful wood?" The echo replied : "King Thrush-beard the good! Had you taken him, it had been thine." "Ah, silly," said she, "What a lot had been mine Had I happily married King Thrush-beard!" Next they came to a meadow, and she asked : " To whom belongs this meadow so green ? " " To King Thrush-beard," was again the reply. Then they came to a great city, and she asked : "To whom does this beautiful town belong?" " To King Thrush-beard," said one. " Ah, what a simpleton was I that I did not marry him when I had the chance ! " exclaimed the poor princess. " Come," broke in the player, " it does not please me, I can tell you, that you are always wishing for another husband ; am I not good enough for you ? " [94] TALES OF LAUGHTER By and by they came to a very small hut, and she said : " Ah, heavens, to whom can this miserable, wretched hovel belong? " The player replied : " That is my house, where we shall live together." The princess was obliged to stoop to get in at the door, and when she was inside, she asked : " Where are the servants ? " " What servants? " exclaimed her husband. " You must your- self do all that you want done. Now make a fire and put on some water, that you may cook my dinner, for I am quite tired." The princess, however, understood nothing about making fires or cooking, and the beggar had to set to work himself, and as soon as they had finished their scanty meal they went to bed. In the morning the husband woke up his wife very early, that she might set the house to rights, and for a couple of days they lived on in this way, and made an end of their store. Then the husband said : " Wife, we must not go on in this way any longer, stopping here, doing nothing; you must weave some baskets." So he went out and cut some osiers and brought them home, but when his wife attempted to bend them the hard twigs wounded her hands and made them bleed. " I see that won't suit," said her husband ; " you had better spin, perhaps that will do better." So she sat down to spin, but the harsh thread cut her tender fingers very badly, so that the blood flowed freely. " Do you see," said the husband, "how you are spoiling your work? I made a bad bargain in taking you ! Now I must try and make a business in pots and earthen vessels ; you shall sit in the mar- ket and sell them." " Oh, if anybody out of my father's dominions should come and see me in the market selling pots," thought the princess to herself, " how they would laugh at me ! " However, all her excuses were in vain ; she must either do that or die of hunger. The first time all went well, for the people bought of the princess, because she was so pretty-looking, and not only gave her what she asked, but some even laid down their money and [95] TALES OF LAUGHTER left the pots behind. On her earnings this day, they lived for some time as long as they lasted ; and then the husband pur- chased a fresh stock of pots. With these she placed her stall at a corner of the market, offering them for sale. All at once a drunken hussar came plunging down the street on his horse, and rode right into the midst of her earthenware, and shat- tered it into a thousand pieces. The accident, as well it might, set her a-weeping, and in her trouble, not knowing what to do, she ran home crying : " Ah, what will become of me ; what will my good man say ? " When she had told her husband, he cried out : " Who ever would have thought of sitting at the corner of the market to sell earthenware? but well I see you are not accustomed to any ordinary work. There, leave off crying; I have been to the king's palace, and asked if they were not in want of a kitchen-maid ; and they have agreed to take you, and there you will live free of cost." Now the princess became a kitchen-maid, and was obliged to do as the cook bade her, and wash up the dirty things. Then she put a jar into each of her pockets, and in them she took home what was left of what fell to her share of the good things, and of these she and her husband made their meals. Not many days afterward it happened that the wedding of the king's eld- est son was to be celebrated, and the poor wife placed herself near the door of the saloon to look on. As the lamps were lit and guests more and more beautiful entered the room, and all dressed most sumptuously, she reflected on her fate with a saddened heart, and repented of the pride and haughtiness which had so humiliated and impoverished her. Every now and then the servants threw her out of the dishes morsels of rich delicacies which they carried in, whose fragrant smells increased her regrets, and these pieces she put into her pockets to carry home. Presently the king entered, clothed in silk and velvet, and having a golden chain round his neck. As soon as he saw the beautiful maiden standing at the door, he seized her by the hand and would dance with her, but she, terribly fright- ened, refused ; for she saw it was King Thrush-beard, who had wooed her, and whom she had laughed at. Her struggles were [96] TALES OF LAUGHTER of no avail ; he drew her into the ball-room, and there tore off the band to which the pots were attached, so that they fell down and the soup ran over the floor, while the pieces of meat, etc., skipped about in all directions. When the fine folks saw this sight they burst into one universal shout of laughter and derision, and the poor girl was so ashamed that she wished herself a thousand fathoms below the earth. She ran out at the door and would have escaped ; but on the steps she met a man, who took her back, and when she looked at him, lo ! it was King Thrush-beard again. He spoke kindly to her, and said : " Be not afraid ; I and the musician, who dwelt with you in the wretched hut, are one ; for love of you I have acted thus ; and the hussar who rode in among the pots was also myself. All this has taken place in order to humble your haughty disposi- tion, and to punish you for your pride, which led you to mock me." At these words she wept bitterly, and said : " I am not worthy to be your wife, I have done you so great a wrong." But he replied : " Those evil days are passed ; we will now celebrate our marriage." Immediately after came the bridesmaids, and put on her the most magnificent dresses ; and then her father and his whole court arrived, and wished her happiness on her wedding-day ; and now commenced her true joy as queen of the country of King Thrush-beard. [97] The Three Luck-Children rHERE was once upon a time a father, who called his three sons to him, and gave the first a cock, the second a scythe, and the third a cat, and then addressed them thus : " I am very old, and my end draweth nigh, but I wish to show my care for you before I die. Money I have not, and what I now give you appears of little worth ; but do not think that, for if each of you use his gift carefully, and seek some country where such a thing is not known, your fortunes will be made." Soon after, the father died, and the eldest son set out on his travels with his cock, but wherever he came, such a creature was already well known. In the towns he saw it from afar, sitting upon the church steeples, and turning itself round with the wind ; and in the villages he heard more than one crow, and nobody troubled himself about another, so that it did not seem as if he would ever make his fortune by it. At last, however, it fell out that he arrived on an island where the people knew nothing about cocks, nor even how to divide their time. They knew, certainly, when it was evening and morning, but at night, if they did not sleep through it, they could not comprehend the time. " See," said he to them, " what a proud creature it is, what a fine red crown it wears on its head, and it has spurs like a knight ! Thrice during the night it will crow at certain hours, and the third time it calls you may know the sun will soon rise ; but, if it crows by day, you may prepare then for a change of weather." The good people were well pleased, and the whole night they laid awake and listened to the cock, which crowed loudly and clearly at two, four, and six o'clock. The next day they asked if the creature were not for sale, and how much he asked, and he replied : " As much gold as an ass can bear." " A ridicu- [98] TALES OF LAUGHTER Iously small sum," said they, " for such a marvelous crea- ture ! " and gave him readily what he asked. When he returned home with his money, his brothers were astonished, and the second said he would also go out and see what luck his scythe would bring him. But at first it did not seem likely that fortune would favor him, for all the country- men he met carried equally good scythes upon their shoulders. At last, however, he also came to an island whose people were ignorant of the use of scythes ; for when a field of corn was ripe, they planted great cannons and shot it down ! In this way. it was no uncommon thing that many of them shot quite over it ; others hit the ears instead of the stalks, and shot them quite away, so that a great quantity was always ruined, and the most doleful lamentations ensued. But our hero, when he arrived, mowed away so silently and quickly, that the people held their breath and noses with wonder, and willingly gave him what he desired, which was a horse laden with as much gold as it could carry. On his return the third brother set out with his cat to try his luck, and it happened to him exactly as it had done to the others ; so long as he kept on the old roads he met with no place which did not already boast its cat ; indeed, so many were there that the new-born kittens were usually drowned. At last he voyaged to an island where, luckily for him, cats were un- known animals ; and yet, the mice were so numerous that they danced upon the tables and chairs, whether the master of the house were at home or not. These people complained continu- ally of the plague, and the king himself knew not how to de- liver them from it ; for in every corner the mice were swarming, and destroyed what they could not carry away in their teeth. The cat, however, on its arrival, commenced a grand hunt ; and so soon cleared a couple of rooms of the troublesome visitors, that the people begged the king to buy it for the use of his kingdom. The king gave willingly the price that was asked for the wonderful animal, and the third brother returned home with a still larger treasure, in the shape of a mule laden with gold. [99] TALES OF LAUGHTER Meanwhile the cat was having capital sport in the royal pal- ace with the mice, and bit so many that the dead were not to be numbered. At last she became very thirsty with the hot work, and stopped, and, raising her head, cried : " Miau, miau ! " At the unusual sound, the king, together with all his courtiers, were much frightened, and in terror they ran out of the castle. There the king held a council what it were best to do, and at length it was resolved to send a herald to the cat, to demand that she should quit the castle, or force would be used to make her. " For," said the councilors, " we would rather be plagued by the mice, to which we are accustomed, than surrender our- selves a prey to this beast." A page was accordingly sent to the cat to ask whether she would quit the castle in peace ; but the cat, whose thirst had all the while been increasing, replied noth- ing but " Miau, miau ! " The page understood her to say, " No, no ! " and brought the king word accordingly. The councilors agreed then that she should feel their power, and cannons were brought out and fired, so that the castle was presently in flames. When the fire reached the room where the cat was, she sprang out of the window, but the besiegers ceased not until the whole was leveled with the ground. [ioo] The Three Sluggards M CERTAIN king had three sons, all of whom he loved >^f so much that he did not know which he should name jl JL to be king after him. When the day of his death ap- proached, he called them to his bedside, and thus spoke to them : " Dear children, I have something on my mind that I wish to tell you ; whichever of you is the laziest, he shall be king when I am dead." " Then, father, the kingdom belongs to me," said the eldest «on ; " for I am so lazy, that if I lie down to sleep, and tears come into my eyes, so that I cannot close them, I yet go to sleep without wiping them away ! " " The kingdom belongs to me," cried the second son ; " for I am so lazy that when I sit by the fire to warm myself, I allow my boots to scorch before I will draw away my feet ! " But the third son said : " The kingdom is mine, father, for I am so lazy that, were I about to be hanged, and even had I the rope round my neck, and any one should give me a sharp sword to cut it with, I should suffer myself to be swung off be- fore I took the trouble to cut the rope ! " As soon as the father heard this, he said to his youngest son : " You have shown yourself the laziest of all, and you shall be king." [ioi] The Fisherman and his Wife rHERE was once a fisherman who lived with his wife in a miserable little hovel close to the sea. He went to fish every day, and he fished and fished, and at last one day, when he was sitting looking deep down into the shin- ing water, he felt something on his line. When he hauled it up there was a great flounder on the end of the line. The flounder said to him : " Look here, fisherman, don't you kill me ; I am no common flounder, I am an enchanted prince ! What good will it do you to kill me ? I sha'n't be good to eat ; put me back into the water, and leave me to swim about." " Well," said the fisherman, " you need not make so many words about it. I am quite ready to put back a flounder that can talk." And so saying, he put back the flounder into the shining water, and it sank down to the bottom, leaving a streak of blood behind it. Then the fisherman got up and went back to his wife in the hovel. " Husband," she said, " hast thou caught nothing to- day?" " No," said the man ; " all I caught was one flounder, and he said he was an enchanted prince, so I let him go swim again." " Didst thou not wish for anything then ? " asked the good wife. " No," said the man ; " what was there to wish for? " " Alas ! " said his wife ; " isn't it bad enough always to live in this wretched hovel? Thou mightest at least have wished for a nice clean cottage. Go back and call him ; tell him I want a pretty cottage ; he will surely give us that ! " "Alas," said the man, " what am I to go back there for?" " Well," said the woman, " it was thou who caught him and [102] TALES OF LAUGHTER let him go again ; for certain he will do that for thee. Be off now ! " The man was still not very willing to go, but he did not want to vex his wife, and at last he went back to the sea. He found the sea no longer bright and shining, but dull and green. He stood by it and said : "Flounder, flounder in the sea, Pry thee, hearken unto me: My wife, Ilsebil, will have her own way Whatever I wish, whatever I say." The flounder came swimming up, and said : " Well, what do you want? " " Alas ! " said the man ; " I had to call you, for my wife said I ought to have wished for something, as I caught you. She doesn't want to live in our miserable hovel any longer; she wants a pretty cottage." " Go home again, then," said the flounder ; " she has her wish fully." The man went home and found his wife no longer in the old hut, but a pretty little cottage stood in its place, and his wife was sitting on a bench by the door. She took him by the hand, and said : " Come and look in here — isn't this much better ? " They went inside and found a pretty sitting-room, and a bedroom with a bed in it, a kitchen, and a larder furnished with everything of the best in tin and brass, and every possible requisite. Outside there was a little yard with chickens and ducks, and a little garden full of vegetables and fruit. " Look ! " said the woman, " is not this nice ? " " Yes," said the man ; " and so let it remain. We can live here very happily." " We will see about that," said the woman, and with that they ate something and went to bed. Everything went well for a week or more, and then said the wife : " Listen, husband ; this cottage is too cramped, and the garden is too small. The flounder might have given us a big- [ 103 ] TALES OF LAUGHTER ger house. I want to live in a big stone castle. Go to the flounder, and tell him to give us a castle." " Alas, wife ! " said the man ; " the cottage is good enough for us ; what should we do with a castle ? " " Never mind," said his wife ; " do thou but go to the floun- der, and he will manage it." " Nay, wife," said the man ; " the flounder gave us the cot- tage. I don't want to go back ; as likely as not he'll be angry." " Go, all the same," said the woman. " He can do it easily enough, and willingly into the bargain. Just go ! " The man's heart was heavy, and he was very unwilling to go. He said to himself : " It's not right." But at last he went. He found the sea was no longer green ; it was still calm, but dark violet and gray. He stood by it and said: "Flounder, flounder in the sea, Prythee, hearken unto me: My wife, Ilsebil, will have her own way Whatever I wish, whatever I say." " Now, what do you want ? " said the flounder. " Alas," said the man, half scared, " my wife wants a big stone castle." " Go home again," said the flounder ; " she is standing at the door of it." Then the man went away, thinking he would find no house, but when he got back he found a great stone palace, and his wife standing at the top of the steps, waiting to go in. She took him by the hand and said : " Come in with me." With that they went in and found a great hall paved with marble slabs, and numbers of servants in attendance, who opened tlj£ great doors for them. The walls were hung with beautiful tapestries, and the rooms were furnished with golden chairs and tables, while rich carpets covered the floors, and crystal chandeliers hung from the ceilings. The tables groaned under every kind of delicate food and the most costly wines. Outside the house there was a great courtyard, with stabling for horses, and cows, and many fine carriages. Beyond this [104] TALES OF LAUGHTER there was a great garden filled with the loveliest flowers, and fine fruit trees. There was also a park, half a mile long, and in it were stags and hinds, and hares, and everything of the kind one could wish for. " Now," said the woman, " is not this worth having? " " Oh, yes," said the man ; " and so let it remain. We will live in this beautiful palace and be content." " We will think about that," said his wife, " and sleep upon it." With that they went to bed. Next morning the wife woke up first ; day was just dawning, and from her bed she could see the beautiful country around her. Her husband was still asleep, but she pushed him with her elbow, and said : " Husband, get up and peep out of the window. See here, now, could we not be king over all this land? Go to the flounder. We will be king." " Alas, wife," said the man, " what should we be king for ? I don't want to be king." " Ah," said his wife, " if thou wilt not be king, I will. Go to the flounder. I will be king." " Alas, wife," said the man, " whatever dost thou want to be king for? I don't like to tell him." " Why not ? " said the woman. " Go thou must. I will be king." ' So the man went; but he was quite sad because his wife would be king. " It is not right," he said ; " it is not right." When he reached the sea, he found it dark, gray, and rough, and evil-smelling. He stood there and said: "Flounder, flounder in the sea, Prythee, hearken unto me: My wife, Ilsebil, will have her own way Whatever I wish, whatever I say." " Now, what does she want ? " said the flounder. " Alas," said the man, " she wants to be king now." " Go back. She is king already," said the flounder. [105] TALES OF LAUGHTER So the man went back, and when he reached the palace he found that it had grown much larger, and a great tower had been added, with handsome decorations. There was a sentry at the door, and numbers of soldiers were playing drums and trumpets. As soon as he got inside the house, he found every- thing was marble and gold ; and the hangings were of velvet, with great golden tassels. The doors of the saloon were thrown wide open, and he saw the whole court assembled. His wife was sitting on a lofty throne of gold and diamonds ; she wore a golden crown, and carried in one hand a scepter of pure gold. On each side of her stood her ladies in a long row, each one a head shorter than the next. He stood before her, and said : " Alas, wife, art thou now king?" " Yes," she said ; " now I am king." He stood looking at her for some time, and then he said : " Ah, wife, it is a fine thing for thee to be king ; now we will not wish to be anything more." " Nay, husband," she answered, quite uneasily, " I find the time hangs very heavy on my hands. I can't bear it any longer. Go back to the flounder. King I am, but I must also be emperor." " Alas, wife," said the man, " why dost thou now want to be emperor ? " " Husband," she answered, " go to the flounder. Emperor I will be." " Alas, wife," said the man, " emperor he can't make thee, and I won't ask him. There is only one emperor in the coun- try ; and emperor the flounder cannot make thee, that he can't." " What? " said the woman. " I am king, and thou art but my husband. To him thou must go, and that right quickly. If he can make a king, he can also make an emperor. Emperor I will be, so quickly go." He had to go, but he was quite frightened. And as he went, he thought : " This won't end well ; emperor is too shameless. The flounder will make an end of the whole thing." With that he came to the sea, but now he found it quite black, [106] TALES OF LAUGHTER and heaving up from below in great waves. It tossed to and fro, and a sharp wind blew over it, and the man trembled. So he stood there, and said : "Flounder, flounder in the sea, Prythee, hearken unto me: My wife, Ilsebil, will have her own way Whatever I wish, whatever I say." " What does she want now ? " said the flounder. " Alas, flounder," he said, " my wife wants to be emperor." Jt Go back," said the flounder. " She is emperor." So the man went back, and when he got to the door, he found that the whole palace was made of polished marble, with ala- baster figures and golden decorations. Soldiers marched up and down before the doors, blowing their trumpets and beat- ing their drums. Inside the palace, counts, barons, and dukes walked about as attendants, and they opened to him the doors, which were of pure gold. He went in, and saw his wife sitting on a huge throne made of solid gold. It was at least two miles high. She had on her head a great golden crown, set with diamonds, three yards high. In one hand she held the scepter, and in the other the ball of empire. On each side of her stood the gentlemen-at-arms in two rows, each one a little smaller than the other, from giants two miles high, down to the tiniest dwarf no bigger than my little finger. She was surrounded by princes and dukes. Her husband stood still, and said : " Wife, art thou now em- peror ? " " Yes," said she ; " now I am emperor." Then he looked at her for some time, and said : " Alas, wife, how much better off art thou for being emperor ? " "Husband," she said, "what art thou standing there for? Now I am emperor, I mean to be pope ! Go back to the flounder." "Alas, wife," said the man, "what wilt thou not want? Pope thou canst not be. There is only one pope in Christen- dom. That's more than the flounder can do." [107] TALES OF LAUGHTER " Husband," she said, " pope I will be ; so go at once. I must be pope this very day." " No, wife," he said, " I dare not tell him. It's no good ; it's too monstrous altogether. The flounder cannot make thee pope." " Husband," said the woman, " don't talk nonsense. If he can make an emperor, he can make a pope,, Go immediately. I am emperor, and thou art but my husband, and thou must obey." So he was frightened, and went ; but he was quite dazed. He shivered and shook, and his knees trembled. A great wind arose over the land, the clouds flew across the sky, and it grew as dark as night; the leaves fell from the trees, and the water foamed and dashed upon the shore. In the distance the ships were being tossed to and fro on the waves, and he heard them firing signals of distress. There was still a little patch of blue in the sky among the dark clouds, but toward the south they were red and heavy, as in a bad storm. In despair, he stood and said : "Flounder, flounder in the sea, Prythee, hearken unto me: My wife, Ilsebil, will have her own way Whatever I wish, whatever I say." " Now, what does she want ? " said the flounder. " Alas," said the man, " she wants to be pope." " Go back. Pope she is," said the flounder. So back he went, and he found a great church, surrounded with palaces. He pressed through the crowd, and inside he found thousands and thousands of lights, and his wife, en- tirely clad in gold, was sitting on a still higher throne, with three golden crowns upon her head, and she was surrounded with priestly state. On each side of her were two rows of candles, the biggest as thick as a tower, down to the tiniest little taper. Kings and emperors were on their knees before her, kissing her shoe. " Wife," said the man, looking at her, " art thou now pope ? " [108] TALES OF LAUGHTER " Yes," said she ; " now I am pope." So there he stood gazing - at her, and it was like looking at a shining sun. " Alas, wife," he said, " art thou better off for being pope ? " At first she sat as stiff as a post, without stirring. Then he said : " Now, wife, be content with being pope ; higher thou canst not go." " I will think about that," said the woman, and with that they both went to bed. Still she was not content, and could not sleep for her inordinate desires. The man slept well and soundly, for he had walked about a great deal in the day ; but his wife could think of nothing but what further grandeur she could demand. When the dawn reddened the sky, she raised herself up in bed and looked out of the window, and when she saw the sun rise she said : " Ha ! can I not cause the sun and the moon to rise ? Hus- band ! " she cried, digging her elbow into his side, " wake up and go to the flounder. I will be lord of the universe." Her husband, who was still more than half asleep, was so shocked that he fell out of bed. He thought he must have heard wrong. He rubbed his eyes and said : " Alas, wife, what didst thou say ? " " Husband," she said, " if I cannot be lord of the universe, and cause the sun and moon to set and rise, I shall not be able to bear it. I shall never have another happy moment." She looked at him so wildly that it caused a shudder to run through him. " Alas, wife," he said, falling on his knees before her, " the flounder can't do that. Emperor and pope he can make, but that is indeed beyond him. I pray thee, control thyself and remain pope." Then she flew into a terrible rage. Her hair stood on end; she panted for breath, and screamed : " I won't bear it any longer; wilt thou go? " Then he pulled on his trousers and tore away like a mad- man. Such a storm was raging that he could hardly keep his feet; houses and trees quivered and swayed, mountains [109] TALES OF LAUGHTER trembled, and the rocks rolled into the sea. The sky was pitchy black; it thundered and lightened, and the sea ran in black waves, mountains high, crested with white foam. He shrieked out, but could hardly make himself heard : "Flounder, flounder in the sea, Prythee, hearken unto me: My wife, Ilsebil, will have her own way Whatever I wish, whatever I say." " Now, what does she want ? " asked the flounder. " Alas," he said, " she wants to be Lord of the Universe." " Now she must go back to her old hovel," said the flounder " and there you will find her." And there they are to this very day! [no] The Nose-tree y^VlD you ever hear the story of the three poor soldiers M M who, after having fought hard in the wars, set out on -*— ^ their road home, begging their way as they went? They had journeyed on a long time, sick at heart with their bad luck at thus being turned loose on the world in their old days, when one evening they reached a deep, gloomy wood, through which lay their road. Night came fast upon them, and they found that they must, however unwillingly, sleep in this wood ; so, to make all safe as they could, it was agreed that two should lie down and sleep, while a third sat up and watched, lest wild beasts should break in and tear them to pieces. When he was tired he was to wake one of the others, and sleep in his turn; and so on with the third, so as to share the work fairly among them. The two who were to rest first soon lay down and fell fast asleep ; and the other made himself a good fire under the trees, and sat down by its side to keep watch. He had not sat long before, all of a sudden, up came a little dwarf in a red jacket. " Who is there ? " said he. " A friend," said the soldier. " What sort of a friend ? " " An old, broken soldier," said the other, " with his two comrades, who have nothing left to live on ; come, sit down and warm yourself." "Well, my worthy fel- low," said the little man, " I will do what I can for you ; take this and show it to your comrades in the morning," So he took out an old cloak and gave it to the soldier, telling him that whenever he put it over his shoulders anything that he wished for would be done for him. Then the little man made him a bow and walked away. The second soldier's turn to watch soon came, and the first iaid him down to sleep; but the second man had not sat by [in] TALES OF LAUGHTER himself long before up came the dwarf in the red jacket again. The soldier treated him in as friendly a way as his comrade had done, and the little man gave him a purse, which he told him would be always full of gold, let him draw as much as he would out of it. Then the third soldier's turn to watch came ; and he also had little Red-jacket for his guest, who gave him a wonderful horn, that drew crowds around it whenever it was played, and made every one forget his business to come and dance to its beautiful music. In the morning each told his story, and showed the gift he had got from the elf: and as they all liked one another very much, and were old friends, they agreed to travel together to see the world, and, for a while, only to make use of the won- derful purse. And thus they spent their time very joyously, till at last they began to be tired of this roving life, and thought they should like to have a home of their own. So the first sol- dier put his old cloak on and wished for a fine castle. In a moment it stood before their eyes : fine gardens and green lawns spread around it, and flocks of sheep and goats ; herds of oxen were grazing about ; and out of the gate came a grand coach with three dapple-gray horses, to meet them and bring them home. All this was very well for a time, but they found it would not do to stay at home always ; so they got together all their rich clothes, and jewels, and money, and ordered their coach with three dapple-gray horses, and set out on a journey to see a neighboring king. Now this king had an only daugh- ter, and as he saw the three soldiers traveling in such grand style, he took them for king's sons, and so gave them a kind welcome. One day, as the second soldier was walking with the princess, she saw that he had the wonderful purse in his hand. Then she asked him what it was, and he was foolish enough to tell her — though, indeed, it did not much signify what he said, for she was a fairy, and knew all the wonderful things that the three soldiers had brought. Now this princess was very cunning and artful; so she set to work and made [112] TALES '" "OF LAUGHTER a purse, so like the soldier's that no one would know the one from the other ; and then she asked him to come and see her, and made him drink some wine that she had got ready for him, and which soon made him fall fast asleep. Then she felt in his pocket, and took away the wonderful purse, and left the one she had made in its place. The next morning the soldiers set out home ; and soon after they reached their castle, happening to want some money, they went to their purse for it, and found something indeed in it ; but to their great sorrow, when they had emptied it, none came in the place of what they took. Then the cheat was soon found out; for the second soldier knew where he had been, and how he had told the story to the princess, and he guessed that she had played him a trick. " Alas ! " cried he, " poor wretches that we are, what shall we do ? " " Oh ! " said the first soldier, " let no gray hairs grow for this mishap ; I will soon get the purse back." So he threw his cloak across his shoulders and wished himself in the princess's chamber. There he found her sitting alone, telling up her gold, that fell around her in a shower from the wonderful purse. But the soldier stood looking at her too long; for she turned around, and the moment she saw him she started up and cried out with all her force, " Thieves ! thieves ! " so that the whole court came running in and tried to seize on him. The poor soldier now began to be dreadfully frightened in his turn, and thought it was high time to make the best of his way off; so, without thinking of the ready way of traveling that his cloak gave him, he ran to the window, opened it, and jumped out; and unluckily, in his haste, his cloak caught and was left hanging, to the great joy of the princess, who knew its worth. The poor soldier made the best of his way home to his comrades on foot, and in a very downcast mood ; but the third soldier told him to keep up his heart, and took his horn and blew a merry tune. At the first blast a countless host of foot-and-horse came rushing to their aid, and they set out to make war against their enemy. The king's palace was at once [113] TALES OF LAUGHTER besieged, and he was told that he must give up the purse and cloak, or that not one stone should be left upon another. So the king went into his daughter's chamber and talked with her; but she said, " Let me try first if I cannot beat them one way or another." So she thought of a cunning scheme to over-reach them ; and dressing herself out as a poor girl, with a basket on her arm, she set out by night with her maid, and went into the enemy's camp, as if she wanted to sell trinkets. In the morning she began to ramble about, singing ballads so beautifully that all the tents were left empty, and the sol- diers ran round in crowds, and thought of nothing but hear- ing her sing. Among the rest came the soldier to whom the horn belonged, and as soon as she saw him she winked to her maid, who slipped slyly through the crowd, and went into his tent where it hung and stole it away. This done, they both got safely back to the palace, the besieging army went away, the three wonderful gifts were all left in the hands of the princess, and the three soldiers were as penniless and forlorn as when little Red-jacket found them in the wood. Poor fellows ! they began to think what was now to be done. " Comrades," at last said the second soldier, who had had the purse, " we had better part ; we cannot live together, let each seek his bread as well as he can." So he turned to the right, and the other two went to the left, for they said they would rather travel together. The second soldier strayed on till he came to a wood (which happened to be the same wood where they had met with so much good luck before), and he walked on a long time till evening began to fall, when he sat down tired beneath a tree and soon fell asleep. Morning dawned, and he was greatly delighted, on opening his eyes, to see that the tree was laden with the most beauti- ful apples. He was hungry enough, so he soon plucked and ate first one, then a second, then a third apple. A strange feeling came over his nose; when he put the apple to his mouth something was in the way. He felt it — it was his nose, that grew and grew till it hung down to his breast. It did not stop there — still it grew and grew. " Heavens ! " thought he, (114] TALES OF LAUGHTER " when will it have done growing ? " And well might he ask, for by this time it reached the ground as he sat on the grass — and thus it kept creeping on till he could not bear its weight or raise himself up; and it seemed as if it would never end, for already it stretched its enormous length all through the wood, over hill and dale. Meantime his comrades were journeying on, till on a sud- den one of them stumbled against something. " What can that be ? " said the other. They looked, and could think of nothing that it was like but a nose. " We will follow it and find its owner, however," said they. So they traced it up, till at last they found their poor comrade, lying stretched along under the apple-tree. What was to be done? They tried to carry him, but in vain. They caught an ass that was passing, and raised him upon its back; but it was soon tired of carrying such a load. So they sat down in despair, when before long up came their eld acquaintance, the dwarf with the red jacket. " Why, how now, friend, " said he, laughing : " well, I must find a cure for you, I see." So he told them to gather a pear from another tree that grew close by, and the nose would come right again. No time was lost; and the nose, to the poor soldier's joy, was soon brought to its proper size. " I will do something more for you, still," said the dwarf : take some of those pears and apples with you ; whoever eats one of the apples will have his nose grow like yours just now ; but if you give him a pear, all will come right again. Go to the princess, and get her to eat some of your apples ; her nose will grow twenty times as long as yours did : then look sharp, and you will get what you want from her." The friends thanked the dwarf very heartily for all his kindness ; and it was agreed that the poor soldier, who had already tried the power of the apple, should follow out the sug- gestion. So he dressed himself up as a gardener's boy, and went to the king's palace, and said he had apples to sell, so fine and so beautiful as were never seen there before. Every one that saw them was delighted, and wanted to taste ; but he said they c rALES OF LAUGHTER were for the princess only ; and she soon sent her maid to buy his stock. They were so ripe and rosy that she soon began eating ; and had not eaten above a dozen before she too began to wonder what ailed her nose, for it grew and grew down to the ground, out at the window, and over the garden, and away, nobody knows where. Then the king made known to all his kingdom that whoever would heal her of this dreadful disease should be richly re- warded. Many tried, but the princess got no relief. And now the old soldier dressed himself up very sprucely as a doctor, and said he would cure her. So he chopped up some of the apple, and, to punish her a little more, gave her a dose, saying he would call to-morrow and see her again. The mor- row came, and, of course, instead of being better, the nose had been growing on all night as before ; and the poor prin- cess was in a dreadful fright. So the doctor then chopped up a very little of the pear and gave her, and said he was sure that would do good, and he would call again the next day. Next day came, and the nose was, to be sure, a little smaller, but yet it was bigger than when the doctor first began to med- dle with it. Then he thought to himself, " I must frighten this cun- ning princess a little more before I shall get what I want from her " ; so he gave her another dose of the apple, and said he would call on the morrow. The morrow came, and the nose was ten times as bad as before. " My good lady," said the doctor, " something works against my medicine, and is too strong for it ; but I know by the force of my art what it is ; you have stolen goods about you, I am sure ; and if you do not give them back, I can do nothing for you." But the prin- cess denied very stoutly that she had anything of the kind. " Very well," said the doctor, " you may do as you please, but I am sure I am right, and you will die if you do not own it." Then he went to the king, and told him how the matter stood. " Daughter," said he, " send back the cloak, the purse, and the horn, that you stole from the right owners." Then she ordered her maid to fetch all three 2 and gave them [116] TALES OF LAUGHTER to the doctor, and begged him to give them back to the sol- diers ; and the moment he had them safe he gave her a whole pear to eat, and the nose came right. And as for the doctor, he put on the cloak, wished the king and all his court a good day, and was soon with his two friends, who lived from that time happily at home in their palace, except when they took an airing to see the world, in their coach with the three dapple-gray horses. The Adventures of Chanticleer and Partlet I. HOW THEY WENT TO THE HILLS TO EAT NUTS X>HANTICLEER said to Partlet one day: "The nuts m must be ripe ; now we will go up the hill together and ^-* have a good feast before the squirrel carries them all off." " All right," said Partlet, " come along ; we'll have a fine time." So they went away up the hill, and, as it was a bright day, they stayed till evening. Now whether they really had grown fat, or whether it was merely pride, I do not know, but, whatever the reason, they would not walk home, and Chanticleer had to make a little carriage of nut-shells. When it was ready, Partlet took her seat in it, and said to Chanticleer, " Now you get between the shafts." " That's all very fine," said Chanticleer, " but I would sooner go home on foot than put myself in harness. 1 will sit on the box and drive, but draw it myself, I never will." As they were squabbling over this, a duck quacked out: " You thievish folk ! Who told you to come to my nut-hill ? Just you wait, you will suffer for it." Then she rushed at Chanticleer with open bill, but he was not to be taken by surprise, and fell upon her with his spurs till she cried out for grace. At last she allowed herself to be harnessed to the carriage. Chanticleer seated himself on the box as coachman, and cried out unceasingly : " Now, duck, run as fast as you can." I nil TALES OF LAUGHTER When they had driven a little way they met two foot pas- sengers, a pin and a needle, who called out : " Stop ! stop ! " They said it would soon be pitch dark, and they couldn't walk a step farther, the road was so dirty ; might they not have a lift ? They had been to the Tailor's Inn by the gate, and had lingered over their beer. As they were both very thin, and did not take up much room, Chanticleer allowed them to get in, but he made them promise not to tread either on his toes or on Partlet's. Late in the evening they came to an inn, and as they did not want to drive any farther in the dark, and the duck was getting rather uncertain on her feet, tumbling from side to side, they drove in. The landlord at first made many objections to having them, and said the house was already full ; perhaps he thought they were not very grand folk. But at last, by dint of persuasive words, and promising him the egg which Mrs. Partlet had laid on the way, and also that he should keep the duck, who laid an egg every day, he consented to let them stay the night. Then they had a meal served to them, and feasted and passed the time in rioting. In the early dawn, before it grew light and every one was asleep, Partlet woke up Chanticleer, fetched the egg, pecked a hole in it, and between them they ate it all up, and threw the shells on to the hearth. Then they went to the needle, which was still asleep, seized it by the head and stuck it in the cush- ion of the landlord's arm-chair ; the pin they stuck in his towel, and then, without more ado, away they flew over the heath. The duck, who preferred to sleep in the open air and had stayed in the yard, heard them whizzing by, and bestirred herself. She found a stream, and swam away down it ; it was a much quicker way to get on than being harnessed to a carriage. A couple of hours later the landlord, who was the first to leave his pillow, got up and washed. When he took up the towel to dry himself, he scratched his face and made a long red line from ear to ear. Then he went to the kitchen t~* light [i*9] TALES OF LAUGHTER his pipe, but when he stooped over the hearth the egg-shells flew into his eye. " Everything goes to my head this morning," he said angrily, as he dropped on to the cushion of his grandfather's arm-chair. But he quickly bounded up again, and shouted, " Gracious me ! " for the needle had run into him, and this time not in the head. He grew furious, and his suspicions immediately fell on the guests who had come in so late the night before. When he went to look for them, they were no- where to be seen. Then he swore never to take such raga- muffins into his house again ; for they ate a great deal, paid nothing, and played tricks, by way of thanks, into the bargain. II. THE VISIT TO MR. KORBES Another day, when Partlet and Chanticleer were about to take a journey, Chanticleer built a fine carriage with four red wheels, and harnessed four little mice to it. Mrs. Partlet seated herself in it with Chanticleer, and they drove off to- gether. Before long they met a cat, who said, " Whither away ? " Chanticleer answered: "All on our way A visit to pay To Mr. Korbes at home to-day." " Take me with you," said the cat. Chanticleer answered : " With pleasure ; sit down behind, so that you don't fall out forward." "When we're off, away we roam, To visit Mr. Korbes at home. My wheels so red, pray have a care From any splash of mud to spare. Ye wheels sweep on with speed inclined, Ye mice outstrip the whistling wind, When we're off, away to roam, To visit Mr. Korbes at home." [ 120] TALES OF LAUGHTER Then came a millstone, an egg, a duck, a pin, and, last of all, a needle. They all took their places in the carriage and went with the rest. But when they arrived at Mr. Korbes's house, he wasn't in. The mice drew the carriage into the coach-house, Partlet and Chanticleer flew on to a perch, the cat sat down by the fire, the duck lay down by the well-pole. The egg rolled itself up in the towel, the pin stuck itself into the cushion, the needle sprang into the pillow on the bed, and the millstone laid itself over the door. When Mr. Korbes came home, and went to the hearth to make a fire, the cat threw ashes into his eyes. He ran into the kitchen to wash, and the duck squirted water into his face ; seizing the towel to dry himself, the egg rolled out, broke, and stuck up one of his eyes. He wanted to rest, and sat down in his arm-chair, when the pin pricked him. He grew very angry, threw himself on the bed and laid his head on the pillow, when the needle ran into him and made him cry out. In a fury he wanted to rush into the open air, but when he got to the door, the millstone fell on his head and killed him. What a bad man Mr. Korbes must have been! III. THE DEATH OF PARTLET Partlet and Chanticleer went to the nut-hill on another occasion, and they arranged that whichever of them found a nut should share it with the other. Partlet found a huge nut, but said nothing about it, and meant to eat it all herself ; but the kernel was so big that she could not swallow it. It stuck in her throat, and she was afraid she would be choked. She shrieked : " Chanticleer, Chanticleer, run and fetch some water as fast as you can, or I shall choke ! " So Chanticleer ran as fast as he could to the well, and said : " Well, well, you must give me some water ! Partlet is out on the nut-hill; she has swallowed a big nut, and is choking." [121] TALES OF LAUGHTER The well answered : " First you must run to my bride, and tell her to give you some red silk." Chanticleer ran to the bride, and said : " Bride, bride, give me some red silk ; I will give the silk to the well, and the well will give me some water to take to Partlet, for she has swallowed a big nut and is choking." The bride answered : " Run first and fetch me a wreath which I left hanging on a willow." So Chanticleer ran to the willow, pulled the wreath off the branch, and brought it to the bride. The bride gave him the red silk, which he took to the well, and the well gave him the water for it. Then Chanticleer took the water to Partlet ; but as it happened, she had choked in the meantime, and lay there dead and stiff. Chanticleer's grief was so great that he cried aloud, and all the animals came and condoled with him. Six mice built a little car to draw Partlet to the grave ; and when the car was ready they harnessed themselves to it and drew Partlet away. On the way, Reynard the fox joined them. " Where are you going, Chanticleer?" said he. " I'm going to bury my wife, Partlet." " May I go with you ? " "Well, yes, if ride you will, you must jump up behind, To carry weight in front, my horses aren't inclined." So the fox took a seat at the back, and he was followed by the wolf, the bear, the stag, the lion, and all the other animals of the forest. The procession went on till they came to a stream. " How shall we ever get over ? " said Chanticleer. A straw was lying by the stream, and it said : " I will stretch myself across, and then you can pass over upon me." But when the six mice got on to the straw it collapsed, and the mice fell into the water with it, and they were all drowned. So the travelers' difficulty was as great as ever. Then a coal [I22\ TALES OF LAUGHTER came along and said : " I am big enough ; I will lie down and you can pass over me." So the coal laid itself across the stream, but unfortunately it just touched the water, hissed, went out, and was dead. A stone, seeing this, had pity on them, and, wanting to help Chanticleer, laid itself over the water. Now Chanticleer drew the car himself, and he just managed to get across with Part- let. Next he wanted to pull the others over who were hang- ing on behind, but it was too much for him, and the car fell back and they all fell into the water and were drowned. So Chanticleer was left alone with the dead hen, and he dug a grave himself and laid her in it. Then he made a mound over it, and seated himself upon it and grieved till he died ; and then they were all dead. l 12 3j The Golden Goose rHERE was once a man who had three sons. The youngest of them was called Simpleton ; he was scorned and despised by the others, and kept in the background. The eldest son was going into the forest to cut wood, and, before he started, his mother gave him a nice sweet cake and a bottle of wine to take with him, so that he might not suffer from hunger or thirst. In the wood he met a little, old, gray man, who bade him good day, and said : " Give me a bit of the cake in your pocket, and let me have a drop of your wine. I am so hungry and thirsty." But the clever son said: " If I give you my cake and wine, I sha'n't have enough for myself. Be off with you ! " He left the little man standing there, and went on his way* But he had not been long at work, cutting down a tree, be- fore he made a false stroke, and dug the ax into his own arm, and he was obliged to go home to have it bound up. Now, this was no accident ; it was brought about by the little gray man. The second son now had to go into the forest to cut wood, and, like the eldest, his mother gave him a sweet cake and a bottle of wine. In the same way the little gray man met him, and asked for a piece of his cake and a drop of his wine. But the second son made the same sensible answer: "If I give you any, I shall have the less for myself. Be off out of my way ! " and he went on. His punishment, however, was not long delayed. After a few blows at the tree, he hit his own leg, and had to be car- ried home. Then Simpleton said : " Let me go to cut the wood, father." [ 124] TALES OF LAUGHTER But his father said : " Your brothers have only come to harm by it; you had better leave it alone. You know noth- ing about it." But Simpleton begged so hard to be allowed to go that at last his father said : " Well, off you go then. You will be wiser when you have hurt yourself." His mother gave him a cake which was mixed with water only and baked in the ashes, and a bottle of sour beer. When he reached the forest, like the others, he met the little gray man, who greeted him, and said : " Give me a bit of your cake and a drop of your wine. I am so hungry and thirsty." Simpleton answered : " I have only a cake baked in the ashes, and some sour beer ; but, if you like such fare, we will sit down and eat it together." So they sat down ; but when Simpleton pulled out his cake, it was a sweet, nice cake, and his sour beer was turned into good wine. So they ate and drank, and the little man said: " As you have such a kind heart, and are willing to share your possessions, I will give you good luck. There stands an old tree ; cut it down, and you will find something at the roots." So saying, he disappeared. Simpleton cut down the tree, and when it fell, lo, and be- hold ! a goose was sitting among the roots, and its feathers were of pure gold. He picked it up, and taking it with him, went to an inn, where he meant to stay the night. The landlord had three daughters, who saw the goose, and were very curious as to what kind of bird it could be, and wanted to get one of its golden feathers. The eldest thought : " There will soon be some opportunity for me to pull out one of the feathers," and when Simpleton went outside, she took hold of its wing to pluck out a feather ; but her hand stuck fast, and she could not get away. Soon after, the second sister came up, meaning also to pluck out one of the golden feathers; but she had hardly touched her sister when she found herself held fast. Lastly, the third one came, with the same intention, but the others screamed out : " Keep away ! For goodness sake, keep away ! " [125] TALES OF LAUGHTER But she, not knowing why she was to keep away, thought, " Why should I not be there, if they are there? " So she ran up, but as soon as she touched her sisters she had to stay hanging on to them, and they all had to pass the night like this. In the morning, Simpleton took up the goose under his arm, without noticing the three girls hanging on behind, so they had to keep running after, dodging his legs right and left. In the middle of the fields they met the parson, who, when he saw the procession, cried out : " For shame, you bold girls ! Why do you run after the lad like that? Do you call that proper behavior ? " Then he took hold of the hand of the youngest girl to pull her away ; but no sooner had he touched her than he felt him- self held fast, and he, too, had to run behind. Soon after the sexton came up, and, seeing his master the parson treading on the heels of the three girls, cried out in amazement: " Hallo, your Reverence! Whither away so fast? Don't forget that we have a christening ! " So saying, he plucked the parson by the sleeve, and soon found that he could not get away either. As this party of five, one behind the other, tramped on, two peasants came along the road, carrying their hoes. The parson called them, and asked them to set the sexton and himself free. But as soon as ever they touched the sexton they were held fast, so now there were seven people running behind Simpleton and his goose. By and by they reached a town where a king ruled whose only daughter was so solemn that nothing and nobody could make her laugh. So the king had proclaimed that whoeve* could bring her laughter should marry her. When Simpleton heard this he took his goose, with all his following, before her, and when she saw these seven people running, one behind another, she burst into fits of laughter, and seemed as if she could never stop. Thereupon Simpleton asked her in marriage. But the king did not like him for a son-in-law, and he made all sorts of [126] TALES OF LAUGHTER conditions. First, he said Simpleton must bring him a man who could drink up a cellar full of wine. Then Simpleton at once thought of the little gray man, who might be able to help him, and he went out to the forest to look for him. On the very spot where the tree that he had cut down had stood, he saw a man sitting with a very sad face. Simpleton asked him what was the matter, and he an- swered : " I am so thirsty, and I can't quench my thirst. I hate cold water, and I have already emptied a cask of wine; but what is a drop like that on a burning stone ? " " Well, there I can help you," said Simpleton. * Come with me, and you shall soon have enough to drink and to spare." He led him to the king's cellar, and the man set to upon the great casks, and he drank and drank till his sides ached, and by the end of the day the cellar was empty. Then again Simpleton demanded his bride. But the king was annoyed that a wretched fellow called " Simpleton " should have his daughter, and he made new conditions. He was now to find a man who could eat up a mountain of bread. Simpleton did not reflect long, but went straight to the forest, and there in the self-same place sat a man tightening a strap round his body, and making a very miserable face. He said : " I have eaten up a whole ovenful of rolls, but what is the good of that when any one is as hungry as I am. I am never satisfied. I have to tighten my belt every day if I am not to die of hunger." Simpleton was delighted, and said : " Get up and come with me. You shall have enough to eat." Then he took him to the court, where the king had caused all the flour in the kingdom to be brought together, and a huge mountain of bread to be baked. The man from the forest sat down before it and began to eat, and at the end of the day the whole mountain had disappeared. Now, for the third time, Simpleton asked for his bride. But again the king tried to find an excuse, and demanded a ship which could sail on land as well as at sea. [ 127 ] TALES OF LAUGHTER " As soon as you can furnish it, you shall have my daugh- ter," he said. Simpleton went straight to the forest, and there sat the lit- tle gray man to whom he had given his cake. The little man said : " I have eaten and drunk for you, and now I will give you the ship, too. I do it all because you were merciful to me." Then he gave him the ship which could sail on land as well as at sea, and when the king saw it he could no longer with- hold his daughter. The marriage was celebrated, and, at the king's death, Simpleton inherited the kingdom, and lived long and happily with his wife. [128] The Young Giant X^VNCE upon a time there lived a husbandman who had | J a son who, when he was born, was no bigger than the \^r length of a thumb, and who for many years did not grow a hair's breadth taller. One morning, just as the countryman was about to set out to plow his field, little Thumbling said: " Father, I want to go, too." " I dare say you do," said the man ; " but you are much bet- ter at home. If I took you out I should be sure to lose you." Thereupon Thumbling fell a-crying, and cried so much that at length his father picked him up and put him in his pocket and set forth to his work. When they reached the fields the man took his son out and set him down on the ridge of a newly turned furrow, so that he might see the world around him. Then suddenly from over the mountains a great giant came striding toward them. " See, son," said the husbandman, " here is an ogre coming to fetch you away because you were naughty and cried this morning." And the words had scarcely passed his lips when, in two great strides, the giant had reached little Thumbling's side and had picked him up in his great hands and carried him away without uttering a sound. The poor father stood dumb with fear, for he thought he should never see his little son again. The giant, however, treated little Thumbling very kindly in his house in the woods. He kept him warm in his pocket, and fed him so heartily and well that Thumbling became a young giant himself, tall, and broad. At the end of two years the old giant took him out into the woods to try his strength. X I2 9l TALES OF LAUGHTER " Pull up that birch-tree for a staff to lean upon," he said, and the youth obeyed and pulled it up by the roots as if it had been a mere weed. The old giant still thought he should like him to be stronger, so, after taking great care of him for another two years, they again went out into the wood. This time Thumb- ling playfully uprooted a stout old oak, and the old giant, well pleased, cried : " Now you are a credit to me," and took him back to the field where he first found him. Here the young giant's father happened to be just then plowing ; so Thumbling went up to him and said : " See, father, to what a great big man your son has grown ! " But the peasant was afraid. "Be off with you! I don't know you," he cried. " But really and truly, father, I am your son," he said. " Let me take the plow, for I can guide it quite as well as you." The father very unwillingly let go of the plow, for he was afraid of the giant, and sat down to watch. Then Thumbling laid one hand on the plowshare and straightway drove it so deep into the ground that the peasant cried : " Now you will do more harm than good, if you drive so deep into the earth." Thereupon the young giant unharnessed the horses and be- gan to draw the plow himself, first saying: " Now, father, get you home and tell mother to cook a hearty meal, while I just run round the field." And in a very short time he had done what the peasant would have taken two whole days to do. When all was finished, he laid plow, horse, and harrow over his shoulders and carried them home as easily as though they were a truss of hay. When he reached the house, he saw his mother sitting on a bench in the courtyard. " Oh, who is this frightful monster of a man ? " she cried. [130] TALES OF LAUGHTER " That is our son," said her husband. " I cannot believe that," replied the woman, " for our child was a tiny little thing," and she begged the young giant to go away. However, he did not take any notice of what she said, for, after feeding the horse in the stable, he came into the kitchen and sat himself down upon the edge of the dresser. " Mother, mother," he said, " I am so hungry. Give me my dinner." " Here it is," said his mother, and set two enormous dishes of smoking stew upon the table. It would have been enough to last the husbandman and his wife for eight whole days, but the giant ate it all up in five minutes, and then asked if they could give him more. But the woman shook her head, and said they had no more in the house. " Mother," he said, " I am fainting with hunger. That was a mere bite." The woman was so frightened at this that she ran and made some more stew in the largest fish kettle. " Ah," sighed the young giant, " this is something like a meal!" But when he had finished he still felt hungry, and said : " Well, father, I can see I shall starve if I come here to live. I will go and seek my fortune in the wide world, if you can procure me a bar of iron so strong that I cannot break it across my knee." The peasant quickly harnessed his two horses to the wagon, and from the smithy in the village he fetched an iron bar so heavy that the horses could hardly drag it. This the giant tried across his knee. Snap ! it cracked in half, like a twig. Then the peasant took his wagon and four horses to the smithy and brought back as heavy a bar as they could carry. But in a second the giant had broken it into two pieces and tossed them each aside. V- Father," he said, " I need a stronger one yet. Take the TALES OF LAUGHTER wagon and eight horses to the smithy, and fetch me back as heavy a one as they can draw." This the countryman did, and again the youth broke it in two as easily as if he had cracked a nut. " Well, father, I see you cannot get me anything strong enough. I must go and try my fortune without it." So he turned blacksmith and journeyed for many miles, un- til he came to a village, where dwelt a very grasping smith, who earned a great deal of money, but who gave not a penny of it away. The giant stepped into his forge and asked if by any chance he were in want of help. " What wages do you ask ? " said the smith, looking the young man up and down ; for, thought he : " Here is a fine, powerful fellow, who surely will be worth his salt." " I don't want money," replied the giant. " But here's a bargain : every fortnight, when you give your workmen their wages, I will give you two strokes across your shoulders. It will be just a little amusement for me." The cunning smith agreed very willingly, for, he thought, in this way he would save a great deal of money. However, next morning when the new journeyman started work, with the very first stroke he gave the red- hot iron, it shivered into a thousand pieces, and the anvil buried itself so deep in the earth that he could not pull it out again. " Here, fellow," cried his master, " you won't suit me ; you are far too clumsy. I must put an end to our bargain." " Just as you please," said the other, " but you must pay me for the work I have done, so I will just give you one little tap on the shoulder." With that he gave the greedy smith such a blow that it knocked him flying over four hay-ricks. Then, picking up the stoutest iron bar he could find for a walking-stick, he set forth once more on his travels. Presently he came to a farmhouse, where he inquired if they were in need of a bailiff. Now, the farmer just happened [132] TALES OF LAUGHTER to need a head man, so he was engaged at once upon the same terms as he had arranged with the old blacksmith. Next morning the farm servants were to go and fell trees in the wood, but just as they were ready to start they found the new bailiff was still in bed and fast asleep. They shook him and shouted at him, but he would not open his eyes ; he only grumbled at them and told them to be gone. " I shall have done my work and reached home long before you," he said. So he stayed in bed for another two hours, then arose, and after eating a hearty breakfast he started with his cart and horses for the wood. There was a narrow pathway through which he had to pass just before entering the wood, and after he had led his horses through this he went back and built up a barrier of brambles and furze and branches so thick that no horse could possibly force its way through. Then he drove on and met his fellow-servants just leaving the wood on their way home. " Drive on> my friends," he said, " and I will be home be- fore you even now." Then he pulled up a giant elm by its roots just on the border of the woods, and laying it on his cart, he turned and quickly overtook the others. There they were, staring helplessly at the great barricade which barred their path, just as he had expected to find them. " Ha, ha ! " he chuckled, " you might just as well have slept an hour or two longer, for I told you you would not get home before me." Then, shouldering the tree, the horse and the cart, he pushed a way through the barrier as easily as if he had been carrying a bag of feathers. When he got back to the farm he showed his new walking- stick, as he called the tree, to his master. " Wife," said the farmer, " we have indeed found a capital bailiff, and if he does need more sleep than the others, he works much better." [ 133] TALES OF LAUGHTER So the months rolled by, until a whole year had come and gone, and the time had arrived to pay the servants their wages. But the farmer was overcome with fright when he remembered the blows the giant had to give him. So he begged him to change his mind and accept his whole farm and lands instead. " No," said the giant, " I am a bailiff, and a bailiff I intend to remain, so you must pay me the wages we agreed upon." The farmer now obtained a promise that he would give him a fortnight to think the matter over, and he secretly assembled all his friends and neighbors to discuss what he should do. The only thing they could suggest was to slay the bailiff, and it was arranged that he should be told to bring a cartload of millstones to the edge of the well, and then the farmer was to send him down to the bottom to clean it out. When the giant was safely at the bottom, all the friends and neighbors would come and roll the millstones down upon him. Everything happened as had been planned, and when the bailiff was at the bottom of the well the millstones were rolled in. As each one fell, the water splashed over the top in a great wave. It seemed impossible that the bailiff should not be crushed to death, but suddenly the neighbors heard him call out: " I say, you up there, shoo away the chickens ; they are scattering the gravel in my eyes ! " Then he quickly finished his task, and presently jumped out of the well with one of the millstones hanging round his neck. " Have not I got a handsome collar? " he said. Again the farmer was overcome with fear, and again he called together all his friends and relations. The only thing they could think of was to advise the farmer to send the bailiff to the haunted mill by night, and order him to grind eight bushels of corn. " For," said they, " no man who has spent a night there has ever come out alive." So the bailiff went and fetched the corn from the loft. He put two bushels in his right-hand pocket, and two in his left, and the rest he carried in a sack across his shoulders, [134] TALES OP LAUGHTER When he reached the mill the miller told him it was haunted, and he had best come to grind his corn in the day- time if he did not wish to lose his life. " Tush, tush ! " said the giant. " Make haste and leave me alone. Come back in the morning, and I promise you will find me all safe and sound." Then he entered the mill and emptied his sacks into the hopper, and by twelve o'clock he had finished his work. Feel- ing a little weary, he sat down to rest, but noticed with great interest the door opening very slowly, all by itself. Then a table laden with rich food and wines came and set itself before him. Still there was no living creature to be seen. Next the chairs came and placed themselves round the festive board, and then he noticed fingers handling the knives and forks and placing food upon the plates. The giant soon got tired of watching this, and as he felt quite ready for a meal himself, he drew up his chair to the table and partook of a hearty repast. Just as he finished he felt a breath of air blow out all the 'ights, and then a thundering blow fell upon his head. " Well, I'm not going to put up with this," he said. " If I feel any more taps like that one I will just tap back." Then a great battle raged, and blows fell thickly all around, but he never let himself feel any fear, but only gave back as many as he could. When morning came the miller hastened to the mill expect- ing to find the giant dead ; but he was greeted with a hearty laugh. " Well, miller," said the giant, " somebody has been slap- ping me in the night, but I guess they have had as good blows as they have given, and I have managed to eat a hearty sup- per into the bargain." The miller was overjoyed to find the evil spell had been broken, and begged the giant to accept some money as reward, but this he refused. Slinging the meal on his shoulders, he went back to ask his wages from the farmer. The farmer was furious to see his bailiff safe and sound [135] TALES OF LAUGHTER again, and paced his floor to and fro, shivering and shaking like a leaf. He felt he could not breathe, so he threw the window open, and before he knew what had happened the giant had sent him flying out of the window straight over the hills into Nowhere Land. And as the farmer had not waited to receive the second stroke, the giant gave it to his wife, and she flew out to join her husband, and for aught I know they are flying through the air still. [US] The Sweet Soup ^*\NCE on a time there was a poor but very good little f m & r h who lived alone with her mother, and when my V^ story begins, they had nothing in the house to eat. So the child went out into the forest, and there she met an old woman, who already knew her distress, and who presented her with a pot which had the following power. If one said to it, " Boil, little pot ! " it would cook sweet soup ; and when one said : " Stop, little pot ! " it would immediately cease to boil. The little girl took the pot home to her mother, and now their poverty and distresses were at an end, for they could have sweet broth as often as they pleased. One day, however, the little girl went out, and in her absence the mother said : " Boil, little pot ! " So it began to cook, and she soon ate all she wished ; but when the poor woman wanted to have the pot stop, she found she did not know the word. Away, therefore, the pot boiled, and very quickly was over the edge ; and as it boiled and boiled the kitchen presently became full, then the house, and the next house, and soon the whole street. It seemed likely to satisfy all the world, for, though there was the greatest necessity to do so, nobody knew how to stop it. At last, when only a very small cottage of all the village was left unfilled with soup, the child returned and said at once : " Stop, little pot ! " Immediately it ceased to boil ; but whoever wishes to enter the village now must eat his way through the soup ! ! ! im! Seven at one Blow ^ TAILOR sat in his workroom one morning, stitch- J-J ing away busily at a coat for the Lord Mayor. He «