^^«nS ijpi iyx^ 
 
LIBRARY or the: commandery or 
 
 THC STATE OFMASSACHUSETTS MILITARY 
 ORDER OFTHE LOYAL LEGION OF THE 
 UNITED STATES 
 
 CADET ARMORY, BOSTON 
 
 V. 
 
 ^ 
 
 ■''''/' 
 
 )/..../;.' 
 
 THE UNIVERSITY OF 
 
 NORTH CAROLINA 
 
 LIBRARY 
 
 THE WILMER COLLECTION 
 
 OF CIVIL WAR NOVELS 
 
 PRESENTED BY 
 
 RICHARD H. WILMER, JR. 
 
^-/^- / 
 
Guy Averall 
 
 A PATRIOTIC SKETCH. 
 
 AS WRITTEN BY 
 
 A PRIVATE SOLDIER OF THE U. S. ARMY. 
 
 PHILADELPHIA: 
 E. CLAXTON & COMPANY, 
 
 No. 930 Market Street. 
 1881. 
 
Copyright. 
 E. CLAXTON & COMPANY. 
 
PROEM. 
 
 litis Boohe which is ivntten hy a Private 
 Soldier of the United States Ariny^ tells loho 
 Guy AveraU was, tvhere he has heen, and 
 also ivhat training he received. It further- 
 more mentio'ns the various hinds of 2mtriots 
 xvhom he met ; and ho'io these latter hehaved 
 tJiemselves in a lively, agreeahle, and inter- 
 esting manner tvhen hefore him. . 2h all good 
 enlisted men tlie worlc is dedicated. 
 
Digitized by the Internet Archive 
 
 in 2010 with funding from 
 
 University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill 
 
 http://www.archive.org/details/guyaverallpatrioOOwilm 
 
CONTENTS, 
 
 Pagk 
 
 PRELIMINARY 9 
 
 SUR LE PAVE 58 
 
 AFLOAT, 85 
 
 FURTHER PROGRESS, 123 
 
 THE SUNNY SOUTH 170 
 
 SWEET WILLIAM, . . ... 216 
 
 OLD FRIENDS 244 
 
 ALL FOR LOVE 279 
 
 PRACTICAL I'TPIICS 310 
 
 SUBSEQUENT PROCEEDINGS, .... 353 
 
 A CHANGE OF QUARTERS 399 
 
PRELIMINARY. 
 
 A GOOD many years ago, longer in fact than we 
 think necessary to tell, a stately vessel, belonging to 
 the Black Ball Line of Packets, then plying between 
 Europe and America, was seen slowly approaching 
 the harbor of New York. The ship, named the Im- 
 perial, had previously been boarded by a pilot, Avho 
 now in conformity with maritime regulations, was 
 making preparations for bringing his charge into 
 port. The studding sails ; the staysails ; the spanker ; 
 the t'gallant sails, fore, main, and mizzen, had all 
 been taken in ; nothing, in fact, was now spread, 
 save a jib and top sail, under which the vessel kept 
 her course. Finally too these were clewed up ; a 
 number of sailors had previously heaved out the 
 Anchor by means of a tackle ; Mr. Barr, the chief 
 mate, was giving orders so that the chain which was 
 ultimately to hold the vessel could not possibly get 
 foul when the anchor was dropped ; the Captain, a 
 dark featured, weather beaten man, kept up the show 
 of authority, by " overhauling " a sailor now and 
 then ; while the pilot, a bluff looking old son of 
 Neptune, was so much occupied with his charge, 
 that he seemed as calm and imperturbable as the 
 great sea divinity himself. At length the word " let 
 
lo Guy Ave rail. 
 
 go" was given from the quarter-deck; a splash was 
 lieard in the water : the immense iron cable rattled 
 through its hawse-holes ; the Imperial swung round 
 with the tide ; and before those on board, both pas- 
 sengers and sailors, was spread the magnificent har- 
 bor of New York. On one side lay Staten Island ; 
 the slopes of which were covered with many pictu- 
 resque edifices, painted generally, in accordance 
 with established rules, a pure white ; to leeward, at 
 some distance, a couple of forts were to be seen, 
 with tier upon tier of formidable looking guns ; fur- 
 ther inland, a few rounded islets Avere observed, 
 clothed apparently in a uniform tint of green ; a 
 busy steamer, here and there, plied backward and 
 forward through the waters ; while beyond all, the 
 spires and prominent edifices of the mighty Gotham 
 itself loomed up, in distant perspective, on the far 
 off horizon. A cheer was at once given by the emi- 
 grants on board the Imperial, for now that their 
 voyage was terminated, they all seemed gratified 
 that the hope of placing their feet on tei-ra finna 
 would soon be realized. 
 
 Among the passengers who appeared on the 
 deck of the Imperial at this time, was a youth of 
 rather slim appearance as far as externals are con- 
 cerned, and whose name we have already promul- 
 gated on our title page, Guy Averall. Guy's father 
 was a man who had led a somewhat irregular life ; 
 and who, as far his influence could possibly extend, 
 intended apparently that his son .should lead an ir- 
 regular life also. When young the boy had the 
 promise of a fair education ; but unfortunately for 
 him his father, who followed the profession of gen- 
 
 R8C 
 
Guy Ave rail. ii 
 
 tleman at large, could not sustain him in this career; 
 so the higher knowledge had to be abandoned, and 
 in its place was substituted such training as an ordi- 
 nary National School could give. The elder Aver- 
 all now resolved to emigrate to the Colonies, and 
 accordingly Guy was turned over to the care of a 
 widowed aunt, and the father set off for Australia. 
 How he prospered in that far off country no one 
 ever learned ; meanwhile, however, the aunt be- 
 stowed on the boy that care which most women will 
 exhibit to a woe-begone nephew and a sister's moth- 
 erless child. She accordingly gave Guy such instruc- 
 tions in morality and religion as his age seemed to 
 demand ; permitted him, when not employed on 
 errands or working in her garden, to read such vol- 
 umes of a devotional and theologic nature as her 
 house contained ; saw that he was dressed for 
 Church on Sunday, and could repeat, in a credita- 
 ble manner, the ten Commandments and the Lord's 
 Prayer ; warned him against all boys of his age 
 who told lies or swore ; and if at any time, in sheer 
 waywardness, he evinced a taste for rowdying ser- 
 vant men, itinerant ballad singers or other low 
 company, the aunt endeavored to impress on the 
 youth a proper idea of his own station in life, telling 
 him that the Averalls after all, were not so degen- 
 erate a stock as they might seem, that some of them 
 actually kept out of jail and paid their debts ; and 
 that none of the breed ever came to disgrace, except 
 through the pressure of the hard times, when 
 coupled perhaps with their own extravagance, want 
 of foresight, or other accidental fault. 
 
 As to Guy himself, he listened to this recital over 
 
12 Guy Ave rail. 
 
 and over again till he knew it all by heart, and 
 resolved within himself, to retrieve the fortune of 
 the Averalls, if he only had a chance of escaping 
 to the continent of America. He pondered on this 
 subject long and earnestly, but was nevertheless 
 afraid to broach the matter to his aunt, so much 
 was he fearful of the disapproval of his worthy old 
 relative. He however, kept the plan concealed in 
 his secret heart, and whenever he could gather any 
 scrap of information from some traveller who had 
 visited the great West, he was careful to hide away 
 the knowledge as so much "treasure trove," whose 
 use would depend on future opportunities. " If I 
 were only free from this state of servitude in which 
 I am now placed," he would exclaim, " how happy 
 I would be with unlimited freedom before me." At 
 length the wishes of our hero for rambling were 
 gratified, for one morning his aunt approached him 
 with tears in her eyes, saying she had just received 
 a letter from Australia, that his father, who had 
 recently been employed as assistant on a sheep 
 farm, was now dead ; that what was worse, he bade 
 adieu to the world without leaving a penny to his 
 name; that the funds left in her hands belonging to 
 Guy were nearly all exhausted ; that she had noth- 
 ing in the world but a mere maintenance for herself; 
 and since the boy in the natural cause of events 
 must soon leave her side, she therefore recom- 
 mended him to take his proper portion, seven 
 pounds, ten shilling and one penny, go to Liverpool, 
 secure a passage to Kamchatka, to Calcutta, to the 
 Straits of Babelmandel or anywhere else, provided 
 only he would get well out of the way, and never 
 
Guy Ave rail. ij 
 
 trouble her in the future for clothing, advice, assist- 
 ance or anything else. Guy received this news 
 with fear and trembling ; was sorry, of course, as 
 all boys of sixteen are, to hear that his father was 
 really dead ; cogitated for some time on his future 
 prospects ; told his aunt that America was the soil 
 that had always been dearest to his heart ; and then 
 declared his resolution to follow the course that 
 his guardian had suggested. " Never in the future," 
 said he, " will I impose myself in any way on my 
 relatives, even if the obligation should only entail 
 the expenditure of half an hour's trouble, or the 
 outlay of a groat, in ready cash, on their part." 
 
 As he stood on the deck of the Imperial the 
 bosom of the young rambler was filled with a fine 
 enthusiasm, while his meditations ran somewhat in 
 the following way. "Well, here I am, with the 
 vast American continent before me— a continent 
 which some have abused and some have praised, but 
 in which I am determined to earn an honest living, 
 as far as the laws and my own strength will allow 
 me. To be sure my purse is light, but what of that 
 —as long as I have hands by my side, I need not 
 be afraid for food and raiment. Friends and advi- 
 sers I have none, but must not every one eventually 
 become chief counsel to himself, and why may I not 
 assume, at this instant, a task which in the long run 
 becomes inevitable.? As to books, I never have 
 had any very regulaj instruction in them, and that, 
 I suppose, is some loss ; still I have common sense,' 
 and two good eyes in my head, and that surely must 
 count for something. Let the world then be my 
 mstructor, as it has been to many others ; let me do 
 
14 Guy Aver all. 
 
 the duty that is set before me day after day; and as 
 to the rest, let those who are blessed with worldly 
 pelf, enjoy their future as they choose, but Guy 
 Averall will remain satisfied provided he be allowed 
 to earn his bread in decent guise, and suffered to 
 live and die as an honest man." 
 
 II. 
 
 The sentiments thus uttered by our friend Guy 
 were commendable in the extreme, as every well 
 disposed person will admit ; how far his subsequent 
 actions corresponded with his words will sufficiently 
 appear in the sequel. The day after the arrival of 
 the Imperial at her anchorage, a tug came alongside 
 that vessel, the passengers got aboard, and in a 
 couple of hours were transferred to one of the 
 wharves in the lower part of New York. Guy 
 found no difficulty in securing a boarding house, 
 such as suited his humble means, and after perform- 
 ing his ablutions and examining the contents of his 
 wallet, he determined to take a stroll around the 
 streets of the metropolis. He accordingly sought 
 the extremities of Greenwich and of Washington 
 Streets, and wandered up and down them for a 
 while. The first thing that attracted his attention 
 was the number of signs in German letters, stuck 
 here and there on the houses in that particular 
 region, a fact strongly suggestive of the cosmopoli- 
 tan nature of the residents of tiiat particular locality. 
 Guy entered one of these establishments in sheer 
 listleness, and forthwith began to note the various 
 incidents that he saw. The inhabitants of the 
 place, as far as he was able to observe, seemed to 
 
Guy Averall. 15 
 
 be an extremely good natured race ; for three or 
 four stalwart looking fellows, with stomachs of com- 
 fortable dimensions, were congregated round a small 
 table in a " saloon ; " shouting, gesticulating, and 
 kissing each other over their glasses of lager, in a 
 way which utterly confounded our young adven- 
 turer. Guy now began to look around for some of 
 his own countrymen, nor were they hard to find ; 
 bold, haughty, independent fellows, with a certain 
 Erin-go-bragh air about them which did his heart 
 good ; and served on the instant to recall the war- 
 like deeds of Wellington, Beresford, Meagher, 
 Mitchell and other illustrious heroes, who had made 
 the name of Irishmen illustrious in all quarters of 
 the globe, where the Hibernian accent is heard, or 
 the praise of the Hibernian people is spoken. Next 
 Master Averall wandered into Broadway, and in 
 spite of his best efforts to appear indifferent, the 
 youth found himself amazed and stupefied by the 
 noise and bustle which surrounded him on all sides. 
 What a wonderful place, to the stranger, this Broad- 
 way is ! How alert and withal how determined each 
 person appeared to be ; how eagerly each one 
 seemed to fulfil his particular errand ; how energetic 
 the accents with which all spoke ! Guy felt as 
 though he were a mere infant in such a busy throng, 
 and wondered if ever he would be able to hold his 
 own in sucli a bustling locality as this thoroughfare. 
 Walking ©n, his eyes were soon greeted by a new 
 sight. This was an edifice, four or five stories in 
 height, painted all over with the most grotesque 
 combination of mermaid, animal and woolly horse, 
 and supporting a balcony from which six stalwart 
 
1 6 Guy Averall. 
 
 .musicians, with brass trumpets in hand, diffused 
 celestial harmony on the breeze. It is needless to 
 say that the house, now before our friend, was ap- 
 propriated by the great Barnum, the prince of 
 showman, the man who had exhibited Joice Heath 
 and General Tom Thumb, and whose efforts in 
 parading himself before the public, in a profes- 
 sional sense, had made him the idol and wonder of 
 most young Americans, Still going onward, a church 
 was next seen with outlying tombstones, and images 
 of dear though half-forgotten saints ; and after this 
 other streets and other edifices, big with trade, were 
 passed, and still the great tide of humanity swept 
 onward, in either direction, on the sidewalks. Tiie 
 absence of the mere lounger was somewhat remark- 
 able to the eye of the stranger, none of your well- 
 to-do professional gentlemen, such as are met with 
 in other capitals, appeared to be in sight; everyone 
 present seemed to have some object in view, and 
 was anxious apparently to accomplish it, in as little 
 time as possible. At length Guy became tired of 
 this ceaseless activity, and stopping before a house 
 in process of construction, he asked the Superin- 
 tendent the time of day, and Avas duly informed it 
 was about noon. As dinner with a youngster is a 
 most important item, our friend now resolved to 
 retrace his steps, and seek that part of the city from 
 from which he had started a few hours previous. 
 
 On his way back, to his lodgings, quite a little 
 incident occurred, for Averall was fortunate enough 
 to encounter a most interesting acquaintance. As 
 he sauntered along the foot-path, in the vicinity of 
 the park, a gentleman in black broadcloth, with 
 
Gfjy Ave rail. 17 
 
 white neck tie and patent leather boots, who looked 
 very much as though he were a clergyman of the 
 Episcopal church, overtook our friend, and asked if 
 an emigrant vessel had not discharged her passen- 
 gers that morning near the Battery ? Guy informed 
 the stranger that such was the case, when his rever- 
 ence volunteered the information that he was in 
 search of some friends of his, whom he expected 
 on the Imperial that very morning. Guy now 
 asked the name of these expected friends when that 
 of Smith was given, and the question afterwards 
 put if our. adventurer had heard of any person, 
 who had answered to that title, among the passen- 
 gets ? Now Smith being such an uncommon name, 
 it did indeed- seem strange that any one answering 
 to that cognomen should have been on board. Guy, 
 however, made answer that two distinct Smiths were 
 known to him, as passengers on the Imperial ; one 
 of them he believed had intended to emigrate to 
 the Far West ; and the other, a young man, was in 
 search of a relative who was now a resident of New 
 York. 
 
 " That is he — that is he — I've found him out," 
 said the stranger, glad evidently to get the informa- 
 tion, " the young rascal shall soon be within my own 
 clutches. I've just had a letter from his sister-in- 
 law, my own cousin, telling me to look out for the 
 good for nothing scapegrace." And without more 
 ado, Master Averall and his new found friend, set 
 out in company towards the Battery. 
 
 During the ramble the stranger became very 
 communicative, and imparted a whole host of infor- 
 mation about the United States in general, and him- 
 
1 8 Guy Ave rail. 
 
 self in particular. It now appeared that Guy's 
 friend was not in reality a clergyman, but simply a 
 retired merchant, for, according to his account, he 
 had emigrated from the town of Belfast some 
 twenty-five years previously. His first employment 
 he said, after landing in New York, was to roll a 
 barrel of sugar into a cellar, for which achievement 
 he received the princely sum of twenty-five cents. 
 His next move was to open a small grocery store, 
 where families were supplied with most excellent 
 tea ; afterwards he sent out a schooner to the West 
 Indies, with a cargo of flour on board, and in re- 
 turn brought back a load of molasses. The follow- 
 ing season he sent out two schooners instead of one, 
 which fleet was subsequently increased to half a 
 dozen. Thus he had gone on, sending out more 
 vessels, year after year, till now he had no less than 
 fifty full-rigged ships at sea, and was worth five 
 million of dollars if he was worth a cent, *' It is all 
 owing to the spirit of enterprise and a protecting 
 Providence," said the merchant with a sigh, " these 
 things I look to as the efficient cause of my good 
 luck — if young men would only exhibit the correct 
 spirit of enterprise, and trust to Divine Providence, 
 when they land on these shores, they might be all 
 worth their millions, like me, before they reach the 
 age of thirty." 
 
 Just at that instant the wayfarers approached a 
 *• store " in which a great clatter was audible, and 
 looking in, Guy observed a man, standing on a 
 chair behind the counter, repeating at the same 
 time the words " twenty-five, twenty-five, twenty- 
 five," with a sort of crazy volubility which was in 
 
Guy Aver all, 19 
 
 itself almost astounding- The youth was now about 
 to proceed onward, when the sugar merchant stop- 
 ped him and said "hold on for a second or two, let 
 us see what this is." Young Averall accordingly- 
 glanced in once more, and noticed the auctioneer, 
 for such he was, holding a watch in his hand, and 
 bidding it off at the same time, for the sum of six 
 dollars and twenty-five cents. 
 
 " Twenty-five, twenty-five, twenty-five only offer- 
 ed," said the seller of chronometers, starting for- 
 ward once more in his mad career, " who says six 
 dollars and fifty cents for that beautiful Geneva 
 watch, made in the city of Paris, jewelled in four 
 holes, lever movement, compensation balance, and 
 all the modern improvements. Cost price eighteen 
 dollars and a half as imported by myself — selling 
 off the lot so as to make room for a new invoice — 
 determined to sacrifice them at almost any price. 
 Young man don't you wish to invest in this time- 
 keeper — just look at it if you please — worth twenty- 
 five dollars if it is worth a single dime at this in- 
 stant. 
 
 Guy took the watch and examined it for an in- 
 stant. It was a beautiful article, such as any young 
 man of sixteen might be proud of ; the back was 
 enameled with jet and gold, while the dial presented 
 the figure of a cupid surrounded by roses, the most 
 captivating picture that could possibly be imagined. 
 As was quite natural our friend Averall Vanted the 
 watch, but recollecting he had but six dollars and a 
 half in his purse, he deemed it somewhat imprudent 
 to spend so much of his cash capital in a single 
 article of luxury- He accordingly was on the point 
 
20 Guy Aver all. 
 
 of handing back the time-keeper, when his friend, 
 the sugar merchant, stepped up to his side and whis- 
 pered sotto voce : '* I'd recommend you to bid upon 
 that watch — cheap as dirt — nothing like commercial 
 enterprise — made all my money by investing, at 
 times in a proper way ; you'll certainly double your 
 capital on that watch before this day week." 
 
 This announcement was pleasant, and filled Guy 
 Averall with the highest hopes. He certainly should 
 have liked to double his money in the course of the 
 ensuing seven days, but recollecting his means were 
 but small, he judged it somewhat imprudent to stake 
 his entire wealth on a single venture. He accord- 
 ingly hesitated for a while, and then informed his 
 friend that the contents of his purse at present, were 
 but limited, and therefore he did not care about 
 making the purchase. 
 
 "But nonsense, my dear young man," was the 
 answer, *' you make a great mistake if you allow this 
 chance to slip. Why, that beautiful gold watch with 
 the enameled back is a treasure, and is offered for 
 one-third of its real value." 
 
 " That may be," was the response, "but a bird 
 in the hand is worth two in the bush, as my grand- 
 mother once said, and at present I am inclined to 
 hold on to my money." 
 
 "Oh pshaw! nonsense," said the merchant, 
 " these are only your old-fashioned conservative 
 notions. Enterprise, my dear sir, is the only thing 
 one requires to succeed in New York. Won't buy 
 it! I'm really sorry you hav'nt more discernment. 
 But stay, I'd like to purchase that watch myself, so 
 I'll make a bid. Six fifty, Mister Auctioneer,' if you 
 
Guy Avcrall. 21 
 
 please." The auctioneer accepted the additional 
 sum, and commenced rattling off the words "six 
 fifty, six fifty, going at six fifty," in the same mad 
 tone as before. 
 
 This seemed all right, but in another second an 
 additional quarter of a dollar was offered, and the 
 chance of getting the chronometer seemed to be 
 against our friend. 
 
 " I'll have that watch or I'll die," said the ship 
 owner in apparent desperation." Here take my 
 pocket book and bid for it. Hold on, though, I've 
 nothing on hand less than a ten thousand dollar 
 check, and they cannot change that here. Just bid 
 for the watch and hold on to it, till I come back 
 from the Bank, when I promise to refund your 
 money with interest." 
 
 " But stay," said Guy, " I don't " 
 
 " Nonsense, man," said the sugar merchant with- 
 out permitting Guy to finish the sentence. "I'll 
 have that watch in spite of fate. You can even bid 
 seven dollars for it, rather than that I should miss 
 it when away." 
 
 The auctioneer now saw proper to take up the 
 cry of seven dollars, as if really bid, and before 
 Guy had time to bless himself, the beautiful Swiss 
 watch, manufactured in the city of Paris, and jew- 
 elled in four holes, was knocked down to our friend 
 for the aforesaid sum. 
 
 " There now, it's a bargain ; I'm glad of it," 
 said the shipowner. " Just pay the seven dollars 
 and take the watch, and I'll be back with you in 
 ten seconds." 
 
 "But," said Guy, by way of expostulation, "there 
 
22 Guy Ave rail. 
 
 surely is a mistake in this thing. I certainly did 
 not bid for the watch. You yourself are respon- 
 sible for the bargain." 
 
 " So I am — responsible for anything I say^ust 
 settle with the clerk yonder, and we will soon make 
 the matter all right." 
 
 " But, my dear sir, you are in error," said Guy. 
 
 " Nonsense, man, nonsense," was the response, 
 "I'm not in error. I know very well what I'm 
 about." 
 
 Guy now found that there was no use in trifling 
 any longer with his acquaintance, and although 
 somewhat sorry to differ from the sugar merchant, 
 he nevertheless did look that individual straight in 
 the face, paused for a second or two, and then 
 remarked that he would neither take the watch nor 
 pay a penny towards completing the bargain. 
 
 *' Who is to settle for this 1 " shouted the auc- 
 tioneer, who meanwhile seemed tired of the noisy 
 altercation. 
 
 " You are," said the sugar merchant, pointing to 
 Guy. 
 
 " No I'm not," remarked our hero quite boldly. 
 
 " Yes you are," was the response. 
 
 " I deny it," was the rejoinder. 
 
 " We heard you bid for the watch," shouted a 
 gentleman with a large gold ring on his finger in the 
 opposite corner of the room. 
 
 " Who ? " said Guy. 
 
 " You," was the answer, 
 
 " I never did such a things in the course of my 
 life, never on my word of honor," responded Guy, 
 who was now pretty well frightened at the predica- 
 
Guy Ave rail. 23 
 
 ment in which he found himself, and only wished he 
 was rid of sugar merchant, auctioneer, the man with 
 the large ring on his finger, and every one else in 
 the establishment. 
 
 " We'll carry you off to jail," shouted the auc- 
 tioneer who forthwith laid hold of Guy's coat. 
 
 " Police ! Police ! " shouted Guy, But no police 
 were to be found, for as soon as the tumult became 
 audible, the members of that efficient force all took 
 to their heels and fled. 
 
 A grand uproar now followed. The auctioneer 
 taking hold of Guy, dragged him in one direction, 
 while the sugar merchant, who still seemed his 
 friend, undertook to pull him in another. They 
 hauled and twisted Guy about in various directions, 
 and it is possible that Master Averall w^ould have 
 been torn in pieces among them, when luckily a 
 dcus ex machina appeared at this instant in the per- 
 son of a man, of about twenty-eight or thirty years of 
 age, who possessed a handsome, well-formed figure 
 and erect bearing, and who seemed to be passing 
 down Broadway at that instant. Hearing the noise, 
 the stranger came to a halt ; when Guy, after a little 
 delay, contrived to inform him of all that had hap- 
 pened, how he met his clerical friend up town, how 
 the latter pretended to be in quest of a relative 
 whom he had expected that morning, how Guy had 
 been induced to attend the watch auction, and 
 finally how an attempt had been made to force an 
 article on him that he neither desired nor felt him- 
 self able to purchase. As soon as this recital was 
 finished, the stranger paused for a second or two, 
 looked at the auctioneer, sugar merchant and clerk I 
 
24 Guy Aver all. 
 
 revealed the letters U. S. on his cap, and then 
 coupled the demonstration with a tirade, Avhich cer- 
 tainly was not unmerited when applied to the per- 
 sonages before him. 
 
 " You contemptible set of fellows," said he, 
 "have you no way to exist except by defrauding 
 every stranger that falls a victim to your clutches ? 
 Why do you not go and earn an honest living in 
 some fashion, rather than exist as miserable cheats ? " 
 Then turning to Guy the lecturer continued. " You 
 are a stranger here, I see, let me therefore give you 
 a word of advice. Leave this place in as little time 
 as possible ; for older personages than you have 
 been swindled in New York. And, if at any time 
 you visit this city in the future, beware of these 
 large sugar merchants whom we meet occasionally on 
 Broadway. They may be honest, for Heaven forbid 
 that I should deny that honest men may not be 
 found even here ; but when a big millionaire, with 
 thirty ships in the ocean, chooses to exhibit the pro- 
 found interest in you that this gentleman has shown, 
 it is ten to one he has a design on your purse, and 
 the sooner you get out of his way the better." 
 
 Such were the words of the speaker, which Guy 
 received open-mouthed, not knowing what answer 
 to attempt, although feeling somewhat ashamed at 
 the time of being cauglit in such a ridiculous situa- 
 tion. Guy would have thanked his protector for his 
 good offices on the occasion, but somehow or other 
 his tongue stuck to his palate, and he could not find 
 a single word to say, either by way of excuse, 
 thanks or justification. The stranger seeing the 
 lad's embarrassment, did not care apparently to add 
 
Guy Averall. 25 
 
 to It by prolonging the discourse — he simply made 
 Guy a bow, and then took the opposite direction on 
 the street. Going away, Guy looked at him for a 
 while, as if he were a veritable saviour, and then in 
 a demure and very quiet manner, the young man 
 sought the retirement of his own " hotel." Recall- 
 ing the events of that day, he thought he had 
 discovered a great deal that was admirable and 
 interesting in the metropolitan city of America. 
 He commended the length of its streets, the height 
 of its houses, the width of its avenue, and above all 
 the spirit of enterprise and industry that was every- 
 where displayed. But how a respectably dressed 
 gentleman, with a clerical necktie, and patent leather 
 boots, should so far demean himself as to be impli- 
 cated in an attempt to palm off a trumpery, worth- 
 less watch on a poor emigrant, was more than he 
 could exactly determine. 
 
 III. 
 We have it on record, that when that eminent 
 philosopher, Benjamin Franklin, first visited the 
 city of Philadelphia, he bought three large loaves 
 for a penny a piece, ate one of them for breakfast 
 and putting the others, each under an arm, he car- 
 ried them round several squares in the city of Broth- 
 erly Love, and finally gave them away to some des- 
 titute person whom he met on his travels. Now 
 although we cannot pretend to the same degree of 
 circumstantial exactness, in describing the adven- 
 tures of young Averall, yet this much appears cer- 
 tain, that on the morning following his encounter 
 with the sugar merchant, Guy did eat his breakfast 
 
26 Guy Aver all. 
 
 in seasonable time ; and after yawning and cogita- 
 ting and perambulating around, as a good-for-noth- 
 ing fellow is apt to do. he finally resolved to take 
 the advice always proferred, and seek his fortunes 
 in the country. " Yes, yes," said he to himself, as 
 he strolled around and thrust his hand contentedly 
 into his pocket, "my adviser of yesterday was right, 
 I see quite distinctly the way the land lies in this 
 vicinity. New York, I have no doubt is a very cap- 
 tivating place, and I should love very dearly to take 
 another promenade in Broadway, yet if I venture 
 there, some other sugar merchant or large million- 
 aire might come across my path, and if I should be 
 so unfortunate as to fall into his clutches, then lack- 
 a-day, what would become of Guy Averall ? No, 
 no, I wont trifle with this Delilah any longer, I will 
 take my bundle in hand, cross the broad and ma- 
 jestic Hudson, seek the quiet of a country life 
 among the glades and sequestered by-paths of New 
 Jersey, and as soon as I get settled down to the 
 enjoyment of my new existence, I will laugh at all 
 the sugar merchants and ship owners that ever set 
 foot on Broadway. Gracious! who knows, in the long 
 run, but I might find that chief treasure that every 
 man is seeking, a wife, in that very land on the 
 opposite side of the river. There is luck in store 
 for Guy Averall as yet, even admitting that his first 
 adventure in America was somewhat unpropitious. 
 Yes, yes, I have it ; the great object I should aim at 
 is simply a quiet farm nouse, with rural simplicity 
 and rustic ease, and a " maid who is lovely to soul 
 and to eye," as my countryman Moore sings — ah, 
 yes ! that indeed would be felicity. And here 
 
Guy Ave rail. 
 
 27 
 
 Guy Averall, who was not by any means entirely 
 destitute of poetical sentiment, began repeating the 
 words of the author just mentioned. 
 
 "I knew by the smoke that so gracefully curled 
 Above the green elms that a cottage was near, 
 And I said if there's peace to be found in the world 
 For a heart that is humble, it should seek for it here, 
 A heart that is humble, should seek for it here." 
 
 Just as Guy had finished this beautiful lyric, 
 from which the foregoing verse is an extract, his 
 meditations were cut short, for three or four gentle- 
 men in military uniform passed him in the street. 
 Guy, of course, had seen soldiers before— British 
 soldiers, in red coats, if you please, and at times 
 had even felt a sort of enthusiasm for the fife and 
 drum; but with the prospect immediately before 
 him, does any one imagine he should seriously 
 adopt the profession of arms ! Certainly not, the 
 thing was impossible, his own heart told him there 
 was better things than a musket and bayonet in 
 store for him among the corn fields, and green cap- 
 ped woods of America, So without reflecting any 
 further on " battle shout, and waving plume," our 
 friend once more sought the interior of his lodging 
 hoijse, where he instantly completed such prepara- 
 tions as were necessary before leaving the city. 
 
 In due time after this. Master Averall sought one 
 of the ferry boats which cross the North River, and 
 before many minutes he found himself on the oppo- 
 site bank of the Hudson. Entering the railway 
 car, which was to convey him for some distance 
 into the Jerseys, he picked up an old newspaper, 
 lying on a seat, and began to read. The first thing 
 
2 8 Guy Ave rail, 
 
 that attracted the attention of our adventurer was"a 
 paragraph about the respective merits of the Whigs 
 and the Democrats, the two parties who then con- 
 trolled the destinies of the country. But as Guy, at 
 this time, was totally uninformed respecting the 
 characteristics of these factions, he found it impos- 
 sible to decide on their respective claims. Further 
 on, he came to a leading article, in which the sub- 
 ject of slavery was discussed, and wonderful as it 
 may now seem, that old wretch, Horace Greeley, was 
 delivered to all the pains of purgatory, because for- 
 sooth he advocated the strange and monstrous doc- 
 trine that the institution of slavery was shameful in 
 itself, and that no person had a right to sell another 
 person, just as if he were a beast of the field, even 
 supposing the skin of the unfortunate victim were 
 black. Now Guy was not an abolitionist at this 
 time, he never had attempted the role of liberator 
 of the human race, his own necessities in fact, were 
 so urgent, just then, that he had hardly time to 
 think of freedom or liberty or emancipation or any- 
 thing of the kind. Still it did seem to him, that the 
 tone of the article he had been reading was sadly 
 out of place in a Christian land, and was utterly at 
 variance with the best thoughts and instincts of the 
 age in which he lived. But here was something 
 which pleased him much better. It was a long 
 article, written on Ireland, in which the rascally 
 oppressions of the English were mentioned with 
 appropriate comments; and then the virtues, the 
 valor, the generosity, the bravery and the beauty of 
 the down-trodden race were eulogized in terms 
 which we need hardly quote in this place, but whose 
 
Guy Ave rail. 29 
 
 fervid style of eloquence was well calculated to 
 arouse one's inmost heart. The breast of Guy 
 Averall warmed with sympathy as soon as he glanced 
 over this article ; he was an Irishman himself, and 
 felt an Irishman's sympathy with his country, he was 
 glad to see that here, on the western side of the 
 Atlantic, the wrongs, the sufferings and the merits 
 of his native land were fully understood ; and al- 
 though scant justice was given to an Irishman at 
 home, in this country he was properly appreciated. 
 " I see, I see," said he, " the generous tone of senti- 
 ment which prevails in the western world — I see 
 that even here in the vicinity of New York, the 
 down-trodden patriot has a welcome, such as is 
 rarely accorded him in other places. My success in 
 America is certainly assured ; those bright anticipa- 
 tions in which I indulged this morning will all be real- 
 ized. I'll rise like a phoenix from my burning nest; 
 and watch like an eagle or turkey buzzard for my 
 prey, the whole of New Jersey will be spread under 
 my observing eye, and zounds when the proper time 
 comes, and a fair and virtuous widow, for instance, 
 with a few hundred dollars in her own name, is seen 
 far beneath me, as my quarry, I'll descend from the 
 sky above her, in one fell swoop, and never will cease 
 billing and cooing, till I can claim her as my own 
 personal perquisite and plunder." 
 
 Such were the sentiments that found place in the 
 mind of Averall at that instant ; do not, however, 
 kind reader, set him down as a mere picaroon on 
 that account, for many a man as lofty and generous 
 as Ccesar himself, would under similar circumstances 
 have acted and felt in the same way. 
 
30 Guy Aver all. 
 
 «■ 
 IV. 
 The iron horse travelled onward, and Guy kept 
 f cogitating and laying out plans for the future ; 
 [ finally the engine gave a screech, the bell on it 
 I began to ring, the train came to a halt, and in less 
 ' than five seconds, our friend found himself standing 
 on the railway platform at Newark. "Hack, sir, do 
 you want a hack," vociferated half a dozen voices 
 as Averall moved to the street outside. But Guy, 
 like another Gloriana, passed unharmed through the 
 surging mass of his countrymen who endeavored to 
 entrap him, and ere many minutes he emerged safe 
 and sound into the street. 
 
 Yes, there he had it f Those red brick houses 
 and those green window shutters, the usual concom- 
 itants of an American town, what a sermon could 
 be preached on that theme ! But we forbear, since 
 some critics choose to characterize the combination 
 as beautiful, picturesque and even grand, so we 
 have no desire to destroy the pleasing illusion. 
 Guy doubtless thought Newark a very fine place, so 
 on he went, wondering at everything he saw, yet 
 anxious meanwhile as to his possible chance of 
 obtaining employment. The chief enigma with him 
 then was, in what direction he should seek for work ; 
 for Averall, owing to the lazy, half-gentlemanly way 
 in which he had been brought up, had never thought 
 it necessary heretofore to apply himself to any given 
 occupation. Just as he was passing a livery stable, 
 however, a man hailed him, and asked him if the 
 "greenhorn" wished to earn a few dollars. Guy 
 was only too glad to get the opportunity, and made 
 
Guy Ave rail. 31 
 
 answer accordingly, when numerous questions were 
 put as to the lad's previous training, to what labor 
 he had been accustomed, and other inquiries of a 
 similar nature. These questions having been an- 
 swered in as satisfactory a manner as possible, a 
 bargain finally was struck, and it was agreed that 
 Guy was to be taken on trial for a month by his 
 employer. " All right," said Averall. " I am con- 
 tent. I'll endeavor to do my best. What is your 
 name, may I ask ? " 
 
 " Gore," was the answer, " no matter, however, 
 about that, for it wont affect the bargain in any way. 
 If you are inclined to take me at my word, get into 
 this wagon, and before very long you'll find your- 
 self in East Greenville." 
 
 According to command, Guy got into the vehicle 
 as directed, and while driving on, he entered into 
 conversation with the farmer, and found him to be 
 quite a companionable man. " How much is land 
 worth in this vicinity ? " said Guy, who seemed to 
 be animated with a laudable desire of gaining infor- 
 mation on all subjects of general interest. 
 
 " From fifty to seventy-five dollars an acre, more 
 or less, some of it is probably worth a hundred. 
 How much is land worth in Ireland, may I ask.? " 
 
 "Don't know exactly. I can only guess by the 
 rent that is commonly paid. This rent, at present, 
 may be as much as one pound, or one pound ten, 
 the English acre." 
 
 " Well, let me see," said the farmer. " A pound 
 is equal to five dollars, is it not, so one pound ten is 
 seven dollars and a half. Allowing five per cent, 
 interest as a fair equivalent for the purchase money, 
 
32 Guy Ave rail. 
 
 your land in Ireland then must be somewhat higher 
 in price there, than it is here, though after all the 
 difference is not so very great." 
 
 "Yes," said Guy, who now spoke as a native, 
 " but if it was not for those rascally landlords who 
 always oppress us, we might have it much cheaper. 
 These scoundrels rack and harass their tenants, in 
 every possible way, and finally drive them out of the 
 country. If it were not for the landlords we might 
 all live like princes in Ireland. In a certain sense I 
 must say I have been the victim of landlord oppres- 
 sion myself." 
 
 "Sorry to hear you say that," said the farmer, 
 *' but every Irishman I have met for the last ten 
 years complains in the same way." So with these 
 and similar discourses both parties contrived to pass 
 away the time, while they travelled along the com- 
 mon country road which leads from East Greenville 
 to Newark. 
 
 In less than a couple of hours from the time he 
 was engaged, our friend reached the farm of his 
 employer. The homestead was situated just under 
 a spur of the Orange mountains, and was a place of 
 rural simplicity, at the time of which we write ; 
 although latterly it has been invaded by a host of 
 people from New York City, who have taken up 
 their residence in East Greenville, and have some- 
 what demoralized the early training of the inhabi- 
 tants. At the time spoken of everything in East 
 Greenville was free from the contamination of the 
 city, and as a consequence there were none of the 
 bickerings, rivalries, and evil comparisons which we 
 are told now exist there. The immediate neighbor- 
 
Guy Aver all. ^-^^ 
 
 hood of Mr. Gotc's habitation seemed pleasant 
 enough, and everything around the farm appeared 
 to be in excellent order. The house itself was sur- 
 rounded by a neat white-washed paling; at a short 
 distance from it was a large wooden barn, half filled 
 with hay, and between these two was the barnyard, 
 which contained a number of sleek looking cattle, 
 no very unpleasant looking objects, be it remem- 
 bered, to the thrifty agriculturist. Dinner was ready 
 in some ten or fifteen minutes after the arrival of 
 Mr. Gore, when master and man, as is the custom in 
 America, sat down to a very plentiful meal. There 
 was ham and eggs, potatoes and choice butter, a cup 
 of coffee and a pumpkin pie, all provided in regal 
 profusion. The farmer's wife, a very neat looking 
 woman, was present ; and to crown all her niece. 
 Miss Jones, a young lady somewhat older than Guy, 
 made her appearance, and with a most engaging 
 smile she actually sat down and commenced to sip 
 her coffee. The youth now thought that his lines 
 ♦ indeed had fallen on pleasant places, and that be- 
 fore him lay a goodly heritage. After the repast 
 was over Guy got up, and assisted his employer in 
 attending to some outside work till evening ; and 
 when all was over and supper was finished our 
 friend sat down and penned a most dutiful and 
 respectful epistle to his aunt, telling her of the suc- 
 cess that had already attended his steps in life ; and 
 expatiating at great length on the simplicity, the 
 good manners, and the absence of anything approach- 
 ing to aristocratic pride, that was to be found 
 among the rural population of the State of New 
 Jersey. 
 
34 Guy Averall. 
 
 V. 
 
 For the next month or two following his engage- 
 ment with Mr. Gore, our friend and adventurer led 
 a truly contented and happy life. He rose up early 
 in the morning; chopped \vood ; fed the hogs, 
 horses and cows about the establishment ; carried 
 water from the pump into the house ; and now and 
 then, by way of variety, he started a fire in the 
 kitchen. At six o'clock precisely he marched in to 
 breakfast ; an event, by the way, which was always 
 heralded by the music from a big tin horn, said 
 instrument being usually blown by the sylph-like 
 Miss Jessie herself. The breakfast over, Guy took 
 the field and amused himself in sundry innocent 
 ways — ploughing corn, pitching hay, hoeing pota- 
 toes, and so forth, till dinner. Sometimes the pro- 
 prietor accompanied him in these toils ; sometimes 
 Guy Averall was left alone at work while his em- 
 ployer started off for Newark. In almost every 
 respect there seemed to be perfect harmony between 
 the two, all of which was in happy contrast with 
 that " come-here-my-man " system which Guy had 
 occasionally witnessed in the plains and valleys of a 
 certain old island. At twelve, the big tin horn 
 sounded once more as the signal for dinner ; and as 
 Guy was blessed with a glorious appetite at this 
 time, it is needless to say he did ample justice to the 
 cheer that was habitually set before him. On one 
 of these occasions Mr. Gore asked Averall " if there 
 were any common schools in Ireland .-* " 
 
 " Plenty of them, " said Guy. 
 
 " Then why should the inhabitants of your isle be 
 
Guy Aver all. 35 
 
 accused of such deplorable ignorance ? " inquired 
 the one. 
 
 "That," said Guy, "is a question which I can- 
 not properly answer. " 
 
 The dinner over, both parties usually sought the 
 field again, and amused themselves in muscular ex- 
 ertion of various kinds, till the horn gave the signal 
 for supper. After dispatching this meal, the cows 
 were again milked, the hogs and horses were duly 
 fed, the necessary amount of wood was split for the 
 ensuing day, and at the hour of half-past seven or 
 eight, our friend and adventurer had permission to 
 retire to bed. As to sleep, Guy rested like a top, he 
 usually closed his eyes in ten minutes after he lay 
 down, and never opened them till the usual trumpet 
 awoke him from his slumbers in the morning. 
 
 As to Guy's educational progress at this particular 
 epoch, it was in. mere book matters decidedly slow. 
 Except indeed for an hour or two each Sunday after- 
 noon, he found no time for reading whatever. A 
 good many little scraps of information were never- 
 theless picked up now and then by our friend as a 
 peripatetic philosopher, for Mr. Gore, although desir- 
 ous of a good day's work, was not a Sphinx by any 
 means when employed in the fields, and as far as his 
 knowledge went, he was always happy to give Guy 
 the benefit of his information. Sometimes they dis- 
 cussed politics ; when the master generally saw fit 
 to give his opinion on current events as a New Jersey 
 whig, sometimes they chatted away on farming, when 
 the advantages of each particular crop was discussed, 
 then George Washington and the Mexican war came 
 in for a turn ; and Guy Averall was duly enlightened 
 
36 Guy Aver all. 
 
 on these subjects. And thus it came to pass that 
 our young friend came to consider his employer, on 
 the whole, as a very intelligent and well informed 
 man, and did not see the slightest objection to him 
 as a possible relative in the future. And indeed 
 this admiration seemed mutual, for Mr. Gore on one 
 occasion, saw fit to flatter the self love of Averall, 
 by telling him that he was the most intelligent and 
 conversable young Irishman that ever he had seen in 
 the course of his whole life, an encomium doubtless 
 rather high flown, even supposing that Guy was 
 somewhat anxious to merit the compliment. Sunday 
 afternoon, the only portion of the week he had to 
 himself, hung somewhat heavily on Averall's hands, 
 for outside the regular supply of newspapers, and an 
 old gazetteer, there was rather a dearth of reading 
 matter in the house, and Guy was too tired with 
 his efforts during the week, to relish anything 
 approaching mere muscular exertion. One day 
 however a book peddler came round, and on look- 
 ing over his stock, Averall was fortunate enough to 
 discover a brand new life of Napoleon. Now Napo- 
 leon is almost certain to be a favorite with most young 
 persons — indeed there is a certain halo about your 
 ideal conqueror which no juvenile can resist, so long 
 as there is a particle of youthful daring about him. 
 Whether it is the young Alexander taming Buce- 
 phalus, or David attacking the giant Goliath ; or 
 Bruce riding out at Bannockburn, in front of the 
 troops of King Edward — the effect is still the same. 
 We all admire the hardihood evinced on these occa- 
 sions, even should we feel disposed, at a more mature 
 age, to criticise the moral aspect of their actions. 
 
Guy Aver all. 37 
 
 Now Guy, being an Irishman, had of course a due 
 proportion of this valorous sentiment about him ; 
 and when he opened the volume, and saw all the 
 beautiful pictures that the book contained, he in- 
 stantly concluded that a wonderful treasure was 
 within his grasp, and fumbling in his pockets for a 
 dollar, he purchased the volume in an instant. 
 Gracious goodness ! What delightful wood cuts 
 were scattered, here and there, through the produc- 
 tion. In one place were chargers neighing, and horse- 
 men with drawn swords ; and Prussians and Austri- 
 ans stretched on the ground, like so many sheep, 
 while Napoleon the grand, with an aspect more than 
 human, sat calm and imperturbable in the midst of 
 the conflict. Need we characterize any further the 
 leading features of this far seeing and highly inter- 
 esting work.? It was printed in New York, it was 
 published by a strictly moral house ; the name of its 
 author was the Reverend John S. C. Abbott; and 
 begging pardon of all connected with the volume at 
 the time, we have here only one question to ask, how 
 could any one purchase such a treasure as this, and 
 at the same time remain one of your ignorant 
 stupid, whiskey-loving Irishmen, such as we occa- 
 sionally see depicted in the Harper periodicals .? 
 
 VI. 
 
 But it was not only with simple inhabitants of the 
 county, that Guy was brought in contact at this pe- 
 riod ; for on a certain occasion he Avas fortunate 
 enough to meet with a fine lady. One day when our 
 hero was at work in the fields, a somewhat anti- 
 quated looking dog-cart, drawn by a couple of mules, 
 
38 Guy Ave rail. 
 
 came thundering down the road that passed in front 
 of Mr. Gore's house, Guy, who had reached the 
 fence at this instant, was on the point of turning his 
 horse, so as to run a furrow in the opposite direc- 
 tion, when suddenly the vehicle came to a halt, and 
 some person or other, from one of the seats, made a 
 motion as if to beckon the young agriculturist. Guy 
 paused a moment so as to be certain that his im- 
 pression on the matter was right, when the hand was 
 waved even more rapidly than before, and the words 
 " farmer, farmer " were enunciated in very distinct 
 tones from the equipage. This demonstration 
 seemed to imply the desire for an immediate confer- 
 ence, so Guy accordingly left his plough, and leap- 
 ing over the fence he walked quite leisurely to the 
 speaker. On approaching nearer, he discovered that 
 the individual who thus addressed him, was a woman 
 of decidedly majestic proportions, dressed in a 
 somewhat faded suit of black silk, with a red shawl 
 on her shoulders, a brown straw hat on her head, and 
 armed in one hand with an immense cotton um- 
 brella. Guy wondered in the world who this strange 
 nondescript could be, when the latte/ once more 
 thrust her head out of the vehicle, and commenced 
 a regular oration : " Oh farmer I'm so glad to see 
 you, and how do you do this morning ? Quite well, 
 I'm very glad to hear that ! And how are the fields 
 this morning, and how is the horse you plough with, 
 and how is everything also in the country ! Farmer 
 I very seldom ask questions of strangers you know, 
 but at the same time my curiosity is somewhat ex- 
 cited on one point. Is not that vegetable you now 
 are ploughing called Indian corn ; and if so is it not 
 
Guy Ave rail. 39 
 
 occasionally used as food for cows, horses, oxen and 
 other animals such as we usually find in the rural 
 districts ? 
 
 "Why yes, ma'am," said Guy, somewhat puz- 
 zled by this strange question, " we occasionally 
 make use of it in that way. Sometimes however it 
 is turned to higher and better uses, for the fruit of 
 that plant, as I am creditably informed, is transferred 
 in some localities to certain large buildings with 
 vats and other curious things in them, and there it 
 is manufactured into first rate whiskey." 
 
 " The dear good buildings," exclaimed the lady, 
 " with the vats and the other curious things in them, 
 how much satisfaction it would afford me, if I could 
 have the pleasure of looking at them for an instant. 
 But farmer, I have one further question to ask. Is 
 Indian corn considered a farinaceous vegetable?" 
 
 " Indeed, madam, I don't know whether to con- 
 sider it farinaceous or not. We feed it night and 
 morning to both horses, and hogs, and they all seem 
 to relish it heartily." 
 
 " Relish ! do you say. Then it must be farinace- 
 ous or live animals such as horses and swine could 
 not possibly fatten on it. But farmer, one further 
 question if you please. Do you love to work in the 
 fields ?" 
 
 "Don't object," said Guy, "I consider it my 
 business to do so, as long as I am paid for it." 
 
 " So it is, so it is, it is your business to plough, 
 just as it is the business of those who are more for- 
 tunately situated to paint, to dress, to observe the 
 beauties of nature, or if they happen to be an Em- 
 peror of la belle France, to crush the haughty xVustri- 
 
40 Guy Aver all. 
 
 ans. But, farmer, how long each day do you work 
 in the field ? " 
 
 " From six to twelve, and from half past one to 
 seven" said Guy, " about ten or eleven hours in all." 
 
 " Why dear me ! that is terrible," was the rejoin- 
 der. I could never continue at any occupation for 
 more than half an hour at a time. But do you not 
 feel tired when at work in the fields.'' " 
 
 " No I cannot say that I do," answered Guy, 
 " ploughing corn is, after all, but light work ; beside 
 which I have permission to give the horse a rest, 
 once in a while, whenever the weather is more than 
 usually warm." 
 
 " The poor dear horses, I do love them so very 
 much" said the lady, with a sympathetic sigh. " The 
 horse indeed is a noble animal; and was created by 
 the god Neptune, according to the heathen conchol- 
 ogy, who struck the earth with his trident. But 
 farmer, I have one further inquiry to make — how 
 long have you followed this occupation of tilling the 
 soil ? " 
 
 Here Guy was on the point of making an appro- 
 priate answer, when the driver of the vehicle, who 
 did not seem in the least to appreciate this talk 
 about agriculture and the animal kingdom, saw fit to 
 interpose with the remark, that their time was but 
 limited, and they must go, "else," said he " I'll be 
 durned if you don't be left behind, by the train, 
 which shortly will be due for Newark." 
 
 "Thank you, thank you, coachman," said the 
 lady with the most exalted air imaginable, as if utter- 
 ly unconscious of the style of address which her 
 Jehu S4W fit to adopt. "I declare if my servants 
 
Guy Aver all. 41 
 
 and others did not remind me of my duties now 
 and then, I'm afraid that some of them would be sadly- 
 neglected. I'm sorry farmer, that I have not time 
 to stay — if I remained with you I should have a great 
 many questions to ask on the subject of agriculture. 
 Coachman you can now drive on, for I would not 
 miss, on any account, the train that is now starting 
 for the city. Good bye, farmer, good bye." 
 
 And with these words the lady raised the big 
 cotton umbrella over her head, and the dog-cart 
 started off at a gallop, leaving the astonished Guy in 
 complete ignorance as to the real character and sta- 
 tion of the strange catechiser with whom he had just 
 came in contact. He afterwards discovered, how- 
 ever, that the personage in question was simply a 
 woman of magnificent proportions, such as we occa- 
 sionally discover in the highest and best circles in 
 America. 
 
 VII. 
 
 The attentive reader will meanwhile enquire how 
 Guy Averall was progressing in that deep design 
 which he at a previous period had formed to lay 
 claim to the heart and hand of the first fair maiden 
 that came across his path, so as to erect a home and 
 habitation for himself in the middle of that sovereign 
 State, of which he then was a resident. In reply to 
 this inquiry, let us answer in brief, that master 
 Averall succeeded in this matter as well as any 
 young man of his age and endowments could reason- 
 ably expect. One Sunday afternoon, having already 
 finished a chapter or two of Napoleon, a brilliant 
 idea entered the mind of our hero ; to write a love 
 
42 Guy Ave rail. 
 
 letter. He accordingly took pen ink and paper, and 
 commenced his billet doux in the following style "• 
 
 Greenville, State of New Jersey, 
 
 September 12 th, 18 — . 
 
 Dear and tnost estimable Miss Jones : — 
 
 " He jests at scars who never felt a wound," and 
 none but those who have experienced the pangs of 
 love can appreciate the feelings by which I, for a 
 long time, have most grievously been tormented — ." 
 But having written thus far Guy came to a sudden 
 halt. " Oh pshaw ! " said he, " if I write to the girl 
 in this way, she will only giggle at me as a perfect 
 fool, and then all the chance I have with her will be 
 lost. It wont do to attack the citadel by force ; I 
 must rather make my way to it by slow approaches." 
 So on a sudden Guy threw the letter that he had already 
 begun into the fire ; and inwardly resolved to bide 
 the issue for some time, and be governed in his gen- 
 eral course by subsequent events and appearances. 
 Nor in truth was he without a warrant for indulging 
 in some expectations. At this period in his history, 
 our friend was on the whole, a rather comely looking 
 fellow. His form indicated good bodily strength ; 
 his face was expressive of a bright open disposition; 
 his sunny locks, curling round his temples, had 
 something positively bewitching in them ; while his 
 eye, so full of hope, seemed the synonym of health- 
 ful, boyish activity. Nor was Miss Jessie on the 
 other hand, without her attractions; bright, cheerful 
 lass that she appeared ; our friend, in the long run, 
 began to look on her as an almost absolute piece of 
 
Guy Averall. 43 
 
 perfection. As to the previous history of the young 
 lady, it may be briefly told. Miss Jones, or as the 
 neighbors chose to call her, Jess Jones, had been left 
 an orphan by the death of her parents some six 
 years previous ; and hence, in lack of a more fitting 
 guardian, her bringing up had devolved on her aunt, 
 in whose house she was accordingly installed as a 
 member. And well and dutifully did Mrs. Gore dis- 
 charge the trust thus reposed in her; for after Miss 
 Jessie had been subjected to the regular curriculum 
 of the district school, she was brought home, and 
 then initiated into all those useful arts, without which 
 no family can prosper in the country, and which 
 stand for a good round sum in the rural parts of 
 America. Talk of your piano threshing and parlez 
 vous francais, and stuff in which ladies, now-a-days 
 lay so much stress .'—Miss Jones, of course, ignored 
 such follies as these ; but as far as the baking of the 
 whitest and nicest bread, and the washing and iron- 
 ing of the cleanest and snowiest linen, and the man- 
 ufacture of tarts, jellies, and pumpkin pies, she could 
 hold her own against any young housewife in the 
 country. With all these manifold accomplishments 
 in her possession, is it any wonder that the praise 
 of Miss Jessie should be on every tongue, and that 
 Guy Averall, tuft hunting young miscreant that he 
 was, should in reality and sincerity, cast a longing 
 eye towards her. 
 
 After disposing of his first love letter in the way 
 already described, the condition of affairs remained 
 for some time in statu quo. Master Averall loved 
 the girl, there was no doubt about that, the difficulty 
 with him was to fmd an appropriate way of convey- 
 
44 Guy Aver all. 
 
 ing his sentiments to his inamorata. He thought of 
 asking permission to escort her to church, but that 
 as a proper strategic movement, might possibly have 
 been too bold ; the thought of writing another love 
 letter and then quietly dropping it into the post 
 office, but that might subject him to a rebuff, he 
 thought of fifty other things in succession, but in 
 the end he gave them all up. So the utmost he 
 could do was to assist Miss Jessie in some of the 
 delicate little tasks that fell to her lot, such as hang- 
 ing out the clothes to dry after they were washed, or 
 in shelling a few pease for dinner on Sunday, or in 
 taking hold of a pail of household slop intended for 
 the hogs, and emptying it himself into the swill 
 barrel, or better than all, if chance were given, of 
 applying his own mouth to that big tin horn, which 
 Miss Jessie usually blew, and summoning the family 
 together, in proper form to dinner. Once indeed 
 he had thought of telling Miss Jessie that he should 
 consider himself the happiest man alive, if he were 
 the owner of a small farm in the Jerseys, and had 
 such a wife as she to share his lot, but when the 
 opportunity presented itself for making this speech, 
 the tongue of Guy Averall clave to his palate, and 
 he slunk away, just as if he had been apprehended 
 in the crime of petty larceny. Oh woman, woman ! 
 what a magical power thou hast, once we yield our- 
 selves to thy influence — you frown, you smile, you 
 coquette, you command, and in all your varying 
 moods, we are nothing but your slaves and humble 
 servants. 
 
 At length a grand opportunity came. One day 
 towards the end of October it was announced that 
 
G?iy AveralJ. 45 
 
 the great showman, T. T. Barnum, was to visit the 
 town of East Greenville with a circus, and would 
 exhibit an infinite number of lions, tigers, and other 
 wild animals for the amusement and edification of 
 the inhabitants of that vicinity. Master Averall 
 now thought that this was his chance, he would com- 
 bine the useful and agreeable in one act, equip him- 
 self in fitting apparel, and ask Miss Jones to accom- 
 pany him to the exhibition. 
 
 He meditated on this subject for a while, and in 
 due time found a fitting opportunity of stating his 
 case. The young lady was just leaving the garden 
 with a big cucumber in her hand, when Guy Averall 
 broached his project in the most polite and fitting 
 terms of which he was master. " Would Miss Jessie' 
 be so kind and condescending as to accompany him 
 to the show — if so he would do his very best to 
 make the occasion agreeable." Miss Jessie snick- 
 ered and smiled, in the first instance, when the 
 request was made, and then a calm expression of 
 placid delight passed over her own angelic face as 
 she prudently made answer that she was very much 
 obliged to Mister Averall for his kind offer, but indeed 
 she must speak to her aunt on the subject. The aunt, 
 as Guy was informed that evening after tea, had no 
 objection whatever to make — Miss Jessie was will- 
 ing to place herself under his protection — Guy Av- 
 erall was now in the seventh heaven of delight, so 
 away he went, the very next day into Newark, 
 invested all the money he had in a brand new suit 
 of clothes, and then and there he took a solemn 
 oath that although these garments had cost him a 
 goodly sum he was bound and resolved to look 
 
46 Guy Averall. 
 
 every whit as respectable as any young man of his 
 age within the limits of " old Essex," the very fore- 
 most county in the State of which he was a resident. 
 At length the time for the representation came, 
 when lack-a-day ! what an amazing display of 
 bucolic elegance was to be seen, as the citizens of 
 the said " old Essex," poured into East Greenville 
 from all directions. Some were on foot and some 
 on horse, some rode in buggies and some in wagons, 
 but all alike were bent on seeing that prince of 
 showmen — the great Barnum. How jovial looking 
 some of the young sparks from the mountains west 
 of Orange were, — one could distinguish them at the 
 distance of half a mile, by the red and green neck- 
 'ties which 4;hey wore. Guy put up his horse at a 
 livery stable, and after resting for a while, he sallied 
 out in company with his Dulcinea, to view the sur- 
 roundings. The usual crowd of peddlers, mounte- 
 banks and quacks that accompany one of P. T. 
 Barnums exhibitions was in sight. The first person 
 who attracted the attention of our friend, was a 
 cheap Jack near a corner — this eloquent citizen was 
 mounted on a stand, and was willing to sell the* 
 entire lot of jewelry which he held in his hand, 
 watch chain, wedding ring, gold sleeve-buttons made 
 of brass, along with that elegant topaz breast pin 
 for the insignificant sum of twenty-five cents. What 
 a stream of glib nonsense the fellow has at his com- 
 mand — no wonder an occasional auditor here and 
 there, is persuaded to purchase from him. Further 
 on, an operator in thimble rig offers you the chance 
 of becoming quite rich, provided you are willing to 
 take the risk — " you put down one dollar, gentle- 
 
Gi/y Ave rail. 47 
 
 men, and receive back eight, and there is no non- 
 sense about it either." Yonder a professor of leger- 
 demain takes a number of rings, hands them to the 
 crowd, so that everyone can satisfy himself that there 
 is not a flaw in the series, and ihtn p>-esto, he tosses 
 them up in the air, joins them in a chain, and after- 
 wards snaps the chain in pieces and presents each ring 
 separately to the audience. To older persons than 
 Guy this all seems marvellous, and they really wish 
 that the sleight-of-hand man would make them the 
 confident of his wonderful secret. But hark ! what 
 noise is this ! the band playing ! yes, and I vow 
 behind it comes the giant procession, headed by the 
 great Phineas himself. There we have it all ; the 
 lion, the tiger, the dromedary, the hippopotamus, the 
 woolly horse that John C. Fremont chased for three 
 •whole days and nights on the top of the Rocky 
 Mountains, the Japanese mermaid compounded of a 
 fish and a monkey, the old colored woman who 
 nursed our venerated Washington when a child, as 
 well as the thousand and one other curiosities. Guy 
 immediately purchased a couple of tickets, and 
 after a little pushing and squeezing, he finally suc- 
 ceeded in escorting his charge into the tent where 
 the exhibition took place. Here all was wonder 
 and novelty to Master Guy, for indeed it was the 
 first circus he ever had attended in the whole course 
 of his life. Was it not wonderful how that man 
 walking on stilts could pick up a handkerchief by 
 leaning backward ; and how the tumbler could 
 make the somersault over twenty-five horses ; and 
 how that young lady, with the short skirt, could 
 stand on the back of a horse going at full gallop, 
 
48 Guy Aver all. 
 
 and afterwards jump through a hoop, covered all 
 over with tissue paper ! She did it all, however, 
 quite gracefully ; and what is more, alighted on her 
 feet, and then bounded into the side tent. And 
 after all this came the explanations. 
 
 " This animal, ladies and gentlemen, as you will 
 perceive, is the hippopotamus. He differs from all 
 the beasts of the field and the fowls of the air, in 
 breathing exclusively through his skin. He is 
 found along with the crocodile and other wild quad- 
 rupeds at the bottom of the river Nile, and was 
 purchased by Mr. P. T. Barnum for the sum of 
 twenty-five thousand dollars in cash." Here the 
 crowd signified their approval by the words "well 
 done," *' he knows what he is talking about," "he 
 is none of your wild Irishmen at any rate," "he is 
 able to show us the beast in a respectable and intel- 
 ligent way." 
 
 " This personage, ladies and gentlemen, whom I 
 now bring out before you is a descendant of the 
 Egyptian priest Manetho. You perceive he wears 
 a long beard, and is dressed in loose flowing robes. 
 "■He was discovered inside of the pyramid of the 
 monarch Cheops, by an agent of Mr. P. T. Barnum, 
 who was engaged at the time in oriental research. 
 He speaks no language but the Coptic, and writes 
 no characters but the ancient hieroglyphics, such as 
 were employed in the valley of the Nile, more than 
 thirty-five thousand years ago." The priest makes 
 several figures on the ground, and Guy, at the same 
 time thinks that his reverence bears an uncommon 
 likeness to that identical old rascal who met him six 
 months previously on Broadway, and who almost 
 
Guy Ave rail. 49 
 
 forced him into the purchase of that worthless trum- 
 pery watch. 
 
 "These, ladies and gentleman," continued the 
 instructor are two savages, who were imported some 
 time ago from the island of Timbuctoo. Their his- 
 tory is this, they were caught in a piratical expedition, 
 and were sentenced to be eaten by the king of that 
 country ; but an agefft of Mr. P. T. Barnum, who 
 happened to be present, at the time fortunately 
 secured them for exhibition for the space of three 
 years, by giving bonds in the sum of ten thousand 
 dollars for their safe return at the end of that period, 
 when the monarch intends to follow out his original 
 design of making a feast for his court. But any one 
 who is acquainted with Mr. P. T, Barnum is thor- 
 oughly aware that he never will submit to such 
 an outrage as that. He has accordingly dispatched 
 a messenger to the king of Timbuctoo to state that 
 he is willing to pay the ten thousand dollars, just as 
 he stipulated, by way of forfeit at the end of the 
 three years, but he can never agree that such innocent 
 strangers as these poor savages are, should swell the 
 hungry gullet of wild cannibals." 
 
 This interesting trait of benevolence on the part of 
 the showman, seemed to produce a great effect on 
 the crowd ; and amidst the cries of " Barnum" " Bar- 
 num" "Barnum," the head of the establishment was 
 finally induced to come forth. 
 
 " Ladies and gentlemen," said the manager, " I 
 feel flattered at receiving this mark of attention from 
 the large and highly interesting audience now before 
 me. I say interesting, for to me there is nothing 
 more satisfactory than seeing a goodly array of 
 
JO Guy Aver all. 
 
 pleasant faces when I happen to visit your own 
 beautiful village. And here I wish to indulge in a 
 boast, namely that during my professional career as 
 a manager, it has been my aim on all occasions, to 
 furnish my patrons such amusements as would tend 
 to the elevation of their taste, and their moral im- 
 provement also, whenever they saw fit to visit my 
 show. I say all this emphatical^ly, for no one, either 
 here or elsewhere, can instance an occasion where I 
 have catered to a prurient taste, no matter what 
 might be the tempation. In furnishing you, there- 
 fore, with a series of cheap and popular amusements, 
 I think I have enabled you to pass an hour or two 
 in an agreeable manner, and at the same time have 
 done some little service to myself and my country. 
 But perhaps some one will object that Barnum is an 
 old humbug. Well perhaps he is, but even admit- 
 ting that to be the case, still there are other hum- 
 bugs in the world much bigger than himself. Why, 
 my dear friends, if the actions and motives of one 
 half of the great statesmen who figure in history 
 were analyzed, what a pitiful array of aims, purposes 
 and proceedings would we have ! you yourself would 
 not like the dissection any more than I, and there- 
 fore it is better that the scrutiny should never begin. 
 Further than this I believe we all admire a little 
 humbuggery, now and then in a good natured way, 
 and provided the penalty inflicted is not an exorbi- 
 tant one, we laugh, and feel more contented with the 
 world and with each other in consequence. For 
 myself, I can only say, my desire has always been to 
 amuse my patrons as well as I possibly can ; and 
 provided I succeed in this, my aim in visiting your 
 
Guy Aver all. 51 
 
 very beautiful and interesting village will be more 
 than accomplished." 
 
 Here an immense cheer was given for Barnum, 
 and after witnessing the rest of the performance the 
 crowd separated. 
 
 VIII. 
 
 But let us dismiss these minor topics and pro- 
 ceed with the main current of events. Guy Averall 
 was indeed a happy youth after his return from the 
 town of East Greenville that evening. He had 
 seen the great showman, on whom all agriculturalist 
 far and near do most fondly doat ; and better than 
 that he had the pleasure of accompanying the 
 bright cynosure of his eyes to the place of meeting. 
 As to Miss Jessie he loved her more deeply than 
 ever, and almost vowed in his heart of hearts, that 
 she was simply the very dearest piece of perfection 
 that ever existed. Yet it must not be supposed from 
 all this that there was anything mean or servile in 
 the bearing of Guy Averall, either to his Dulcinea 
 herself, or to those relatives under whom the young 
 lady was placed. On the contrary our hero, on all 
 occasions contrived to sustain his dignity as a man; 
 and instead of being wholly mercenary as regards 
 ]\Iiss Jones, he proposed in an open-hearted man- 
 ner to do his very best to support her himself, nay 
 further than this, he even saw fit to enter into some 
 very elaborate calculations as to the cost of living 
 in case Miss Jessie and he should actually get mar- 
 ried. Let us see — the girl was healthy, industrious 
 and accustomed to work, so instead of being a dead 
 weight, as many young ladies in America now unfor- 
 
52 Guy Averall. 
 
 Innately are, she would rather be a helpmate and 
 assistant. Then suppose Guy in the first instance 
 should rent a small farm on " shares," all he would 
 have to do would be to provide a couple of horses 
 and a plough to begin work, and provisions suffi- 
 cient to last a year — three or four hundred dollars 
 at the utmost would be sufficient to secure these 
 articles. Need any young man, in America, who 
 contemplates matrimony, hesitate for such a trifle 
 as this ? Certainly not, the thing was a mere baga- 
 telle, and as to personal clothing and kitchen uten- 
 sils, that much would come in as Miss Jessie's pro- 
 vision toward housekeeping. Yes, yes, the course 
 open to Guy Averall was plain, he was to continue 
 working with Mr. Gore for the next two or three 
 years, save his money, invest it like another Jacob 
 in live stock, and as soon as the increase of these 
 proved sufficient for his requirements, he was to 
 purchase that pair of horses of which we have already 
 spoken, and then he could press his suit as a man 
 and a citizen of the most lofty intentions. The 
 only obligation on him just now was not to be too 
 hasty in speaking of his future plans, especially as 
 there was no need in disclosing them to any one 
 just yet, even supposing they were all finally fixed 
 and determined on. 
 
 This programme although feasible and well ma- 
 tured required nevertheless much time for its accom- 
 plishment. Meanwhile Guy Averall resolved to 
 observe a discreet silence in regard to his intentions, 
 especially as he became somewhat suspicious even- 
 tually, of a certain member of the family with which 
 he now sought to be domesticated As to Mr. Gore, 
 
Guy Aver all. 53 
 
 he was a hard working, well meaning and independ- 
 dent Jerseynian in every respect ; but as to the old 
 lady, his wife, Guy thought at times she was slightly 
 supercilious. What was the use of her watching 
 him like a hawk, for instance, every time that he 
 and Miss Jessie were together, even for a few min- 
 utes. Bless her heart. Master Averall had talked to 
 fair maidens before now, and was not such a bandit 
 as to whisk off the girl without speaking to her rel- 
 atives on the subject. But one evening Miss Jessie 
 told Guy a somewhat pitiful tale. She said her 
 aunt, the very day previous, had called her aside 
 into their only parlor, and then and there had 
 uttered due words of caution against all Irishmen. 
 She recounted a very pathetic story of a certain 
 young friend of her's, who lived on the other side 
 of the mountains and who allowed a strange Pat- 
 lander to approach her with insinuating and deceit- 
 ful words. This man induced the girl to leave her 
 home and go west with him, where they worked for 
 a while on a farm ; but eventually the husband, 
 after the manner of his countrymen, took to demo- 
 cratic politics and strong drink; beat his wife and 
 was hauled up before a civil magistrate ; and finally 
 to cap the climax, he forsook his home and com- 
 panion; joined a set of strolling play actors who 
 were going through the place ; and is now, if reports 
 be correct, the associate of the worst possible class 
 of criminals and mountebanks. Master Averall 
 felt puzzled, at first, when this strange adventure 
 was recounted ; he however made answer that any 
 person who acted in that way, was deserving of a 
 very severe censure, but hoped nevertheless that 
 
54 G'ty Aver all. 
 
 Mrs. Gore did not consider every Hibernian a scape- 
 grace, because one of them proved a black sheep, 
 and a casual acquaintance of hers was the victim. 
 To this very pertinent suggestion, Miss Jessie made 
 answer that she really did not know ; she only 
 felt certain that her aunt had taken great care to 
 impress the whole recital on her, and had evidently 
 some very particular reasons for doing so. Guy 
 said nothing further by way of extenuation, except 
 that he was sorry for the mishap, he resolved never- 
 theless to be very careful for the future in his beha- 
 viour, and above all things to give no occasion of 
 offense either to Mrs. Gore herself or to her husband. 
 For the future, therefore, Master Averall resolved 
 to remain quietly to himself. Sometimes in the 
 evenings, when his usual tasks were over, he pro- 
 duced his Life of Napoleon, and pondered and 
 mused over the deeds and achievements of that 
 amiable and interesting hero. Sometimes the far- 
 mer, when disposed to be communicative, would 
 enlighten Guy as to the true intent and meaning of 
 those old Whig doctrines in which he had been nur- 
 tured ; and how Andy Jackson, the hero of New 
 Orleans, had promised on a certain occasion to 
 hang the obstreperous John C. Calhoun of South 
 Carolina as high as Haman. Then the Revolu- 
 tionary war, and mad Anthony Wayne came in for 
 their share of attention ; or General Scott and the 
 war with Mexico were duly brought on the carpet. 
 One thing which occasioned considerable surprise 
 to Guy Averall at this time was the unrestrained 
 and apparently unwarrantable abuse which Mr. 
 Gore, now and then, heaped on certain ex-Presidents. 
 
Gtiy Averall. 55 
 
 It was nothing but " old Martin Van Buren " or 
 "old Polk of Tennessee" or some other epithet 
 equally irreverent ; although, after all, it is to be 
 presumed that both these gentlemen only obeyed 
 the will of the popular majority who elected them- 
 At any rate this constant abuse of ex- Presidents in 
 America, appeared to Guy Averall, in the first in- 
 stance, as extremely singular. After all, is it not 
 true that there is this objection to making the chief 
 authority of a country elective to wit : — that let his 
 intentions be ever so honest, he never, even at the 
 best of times, can be more than the chief of a party, 
 instead of commanding that universal loyalty, to 
 which an executive otherwise ordained might be 
 entitled ? This feature of Presidential forms of 
 government, has been noticed in a very distinct 
 manner by one of the most able of modern writers; 
 and certainly the judicial impartiality of Mr, Mill, 
 when speaking of these and similar themes, entitles 
 him to a candid hearing on the part of all who are 
 interested in political science, either in our own or in 
 other countries. 
 
 But a truce to this theme ; let us go on with our 
 story. After the warning given him by Miss Jones, 
 the behavior of Guy was in itself truly admirable. 
 He went to church, but it was alone ; he attended 
 an evening spelling school, on one occasion, but 
 remained very quietly in a corner ; he even endeav- 
 ored to disarm suspicion by allowing Miss Jessie 
 to hang up the washing herself, without offering in 
 a single instance to take the clothing from her deli- 
 cate little hand and place it on the lines stretched 
 in front of the kitchen. But it was all to no pur- 
 
56 Guy Ave rail. 
 
 pose — the eyes of the gods were upon him. The 
 story is a pitiful one but it shall be brief. One 
 morning Master Averall arose at a seasonable hour 
 so as to haul a load of coal from Newark, After 
 feeding his team and attending to his chores in the 
 usual manner, our friend, as was his wont, strayed 
 into that part of the house devoted to culinary 
 operations. Miss Jessie was there grinding the 
 coffee for breakfast, when Guy in an unguarded mo- 
 ment took hold of her hand, gave the mill a turn or 
 two, and then vowed that the lady in question was 
 the prettiest little coffee grinder in existence. Here- 
 upon Miss Jessie laughed and made reply that she 
 considered Guy Averall the biggest humbug in the 
 State of New Jersey. This speech was too much 
 for poor Averall, he really liked the girl, and at the 
 same time felt indignant on account of being the 
 subject of so much suspicion. So he popped down 
 on his knees, and began delivering a speech, on 
 which he had been meditating for the last fortnight, 
 when all in a sudden, he thought he heard a rust- 
 ling behind him, and on looking round, oh horror 
 of horrors ! there stood the old vinegar-faced aunt, 
 Mrs. Gore herself, who unobserved by either party, 
 had been quietly listening to every word that had 
 been uttered. The situation, to say the least, was a 
 very embarrassing one ; so Guy in an instant drop- 
 ped the hand of Miss Jessie, sprang to his feet, hur- 
 ried back into the barn, and only reappeared wh^n 
 the usual summons was given for breakfast. That 
 meal was consumed in moody silence. Mr. Gore 
 spoke a few words it is true, but as to the other 
 members of the family, they hardly opened their 
 
Guy Ave rail. 57 
 
 mouths during the time they were together. When 
 dinner came the situation of affairs did not seem to 
 be much different— the ** boss " was now absent on 
 business, and as to Miss Jessie and her aunt they 
 both seemed perfectly dumb. This silence was 
 ominious, indeed Guy already suspected his fate. 
 It came in due time, for that very evening, Mr. 
 Gore called the offender aside, paid him his wages, 
 and then remarked that he considered him a very 
 interesting and intelligent young man in many re- 
 spects, yet as the year's work was about completed — 
 the corn was all gathered, the potatoes had long 
 since been dug, the wood for the winter was mostly 
 chopped — everything finished, in fact, he thought 
 he himself would attend to whatever little tasks 
 might be necessary till spring, and therefore, for 
 the present, he would dispense with Guy Averall and 
 his ervices. 
 
 This is the first phase in the education of the 
 principal personage of this history. Its subsequent 
 development will appear in successive Chapters. 
 
SUR LE PAVE. 
 
 Next morning Master Guy bundled up his 
 effects, and in rather thoughtful mood, he once more 
 took the road to Newark. As he sauntered along, 
 his cogitations ran in something approaching the 
 following : — " Well, what an unlucky dog I am — 
 fated, it seems, lo be constantly in trouble. A few 
 weeks ago, I was ready to presage for myself all 
 sorts of felicity, when suddenly the ground gives 
 way under my feet, and I am plunged into an abyss 
 from which I scarcely know how to extricate my- 
 self. It was an unfortunate thing making love to 
 Miss Jessie so early in the morning ; if there had 
 been the smallest particle of common sense in my 
 composition, I might have known that her old 
 hatchet-faced aunt, was likely to be stirring about 
 at that time. I do not see, though, why Mrs. Gore 
 should have taken such a stand against me — I really 
 loved Miss Jessie, and would have done anything in 
 the world to make her comfortable. Well, well, 
 the fates that rule the sky have seen fit to deny me 
 that privilege. Some persons seem born to good 
 luck, and some are not — now there is that fellow 
 Blasedell, whom I saw sneaking round the house* 
 night before last, and who by the way is no more fit 
 to be Jessie's husband than I am fit to be President, 
 and yet because he owns fifty acres of land, and has 
 58 
 
Guy Ave rail. 59 
 
 a little money in bank, I suppose Mrs. Gore will be 
 inclined to assist him as far as lies in her power. 
 Still, I don't know after all why I should care so 
 much for Miss Jessie — I saw her standing in the 
 garden, this very morning, and although I was walk- 
 ing away from the house, she never once cast a 
 single glance towards me. Now that in a young 
 woman, such as she, was certainly uncomplimentary, 
 so confound the whole thing — let it go, — for the 
 present I must look out for myself. I'm sorry I 
 invested four months wages in this suit — if I had 
 the price of it just now, the cash would remain in 
 my pocket till I got something or other by way of 
 employment. I'm lucky, however, in one respect — 
 I have no distinguished relatives in this part of the 
 world to chide me for my misdoings, and read long 
 homilies in regard to the perversity of the present 
 generation. I wonder, by the way, if that venerable 
 aunt of mine, that I left behind me, some time ago, 
 ever deigns to think of me — if she does, I suppose 
 she imagines I'm riding in a coach and four with a 
 liveried servant behind my back, and all this becauil 
 I'm here six months in the United States of Amer- 
 ica ! What a delightfully imaginative people, by 
 the way, these Irish are — bless me ! they fancy that 
 gold dollars can be picked up, like pebble stones, in 
 every other part of the world except their own. 
 Hard times with me just now, yet I don't know, 
 after all, that I can blame Mrs. Gore so much for 
 what she has done — I suppose she thought it neces- 
 sary that Miss Jessie should have an adviser at 
 present rather than a protector. Still it is very 
 unpleasant to be thrown out of work at this time of 
 
6o Guy Averall. 
 
 the year, when employment is scarce — especially in 
 a part of the world where you have rather a slim 
 acquaintance. Some of the people, though, who 
 are better off than I, don't seem to realize the goods 
 ' within their reach ; on the contrary they grumble 
 continually, just as if they were the mere puppets 
 of fortune. Well, well, let the worst come to the 
 worst, I'll endeavor to be content, for a walking phi- 
 losopher saw fit to inform me, on one occasion, not 
 many years ago, that in our own breasts we can 
 make or mar felicity." 
 
 As Guy pondered on these themes he proceeded 
 onward, and was already within a short distance of 
 his destination when suddenly he heard a footstep 
 behind him, and on turning round a somewhat 
 sprightly specimen of humanity, of apparently thirty- 
 five years or thereabouts, hailed him with the classi- 
 cal formula quo te Mceri pedes ? an quo via ducit in 
 urbem ? Guy, whose classical knowledge was not 
 sufficient to enable him to catch the sense of what 
 was said, was somewhat surprised at this singular 
 style of address, and after saying something or 
 other by way of response, he took a deliberate sur- 
 vey of the stranger. The personage, now before 
 him, was somewhat below the middle stature, with 
 chest and shoulders well developed ; his complex- 
 ion, never very fair, was much tanned by exposure ; 
 his upper lip was garnished with a moustache ; 
 while a pair of restless black eyes, sunk under his 
 brows, seemed to be in constant motion, as if in 
 search of some object on which they might rest for 
 a second. The dress of the wayfarer was a com- 
 mon suit of Scotch tweed, and an ordinary felt hat 
 
Guy Aver all. 6i 
 
 was stuck, with a sort of mock dignity on his head, 
 while a bundle, held in one hand, and a stout stick, 
 carried in the other, seemed to complete his outfit. 
 
 " Heigh ho ! young fellow," said the man as he 
 approached, and spoke at the same time in an excel- 
 lent Tipperary accent, " and which way are you 
 bound ? To Newark, eh ? Do you know what, I 
 have noticed you pondering before me for the last 
 half hour. That is bad — you must not think too 
 much, for as Caesar says of lean Cassius, such men 
 are dangerous. Why, by the hole o* my coat, if 
 you go on meditating in that way, you'll reduce your- 
 self to the thickness of a wafer ; and wafers, you 
 know, serve no other purpose except now and then 
 to fire off a gun, and once in a while to close an 
 envelope. Do you know, sir, that there is a law to 
 be passed by the State of New Jersey, at the next 
 meeting of the legislature, against any person, un- 
 less he has passed the age of sixty, who shall pre- 
 sume to hang his head down, and indulge in solitary 
 speculative cogitation ! Just think of that law, if 
 you please, and think of your fate in like manner if 
 ever the enactment is put in force against you." 
 
 Guy was forced, in the first instance, to smile at 
 this very absurd statement ; and then made answer 
 that he, for one, was entirely aware of the power of 
 the state in which he lived; and in case the law 
 were passed he should take notice thereof, and 
 govern himself accordingly. 
 
 " Because if you dont," was the remark, " the 
 state, or some of its officers may take the case in 
 hand, indict you before one of its judges for a seri- 
 ous misdemeanor, sentence you to pay a heavy fine, 
 
62 Guy Ave rail. 
 
 and in case the amercement is not met — why, by 
 the powers above, they will consign you to the lock 
 lip at the capital city of Trenton, or what is still 
 worse, they will turn you over to some of the con- 
 solidated Railways that now rule this part of the 
 country, and once you are in the power of these 
 corporations they will grind you to powder." 
 
 Guy smiled once more at this sally, and seeing 
 that his acquaintance was a fellow of humor, he de- 
 termined to avail himself of the opening thus accord- 
 ed, so as to ascertain if there were any possibility of 
 obtaining employment in that part of the State. 
 
 " Employment avick ! Is it employment you 
 are after," said the other, " well, sir, let me inform 
 you that this word employment is a very indefinite 
 term. There is plenty of work to be obtained both 
 here and elsewhere, but the question is, are you 
 ready to take hold of it ? In plain terms, have you 
 a trade — are you a harness-maker, saddle-maker, 
 trunk-maker, coach-maker, have you in short been 
 educated to any specialty ? If you have, and the 
 business has not been stiffled by some accident, you 
 can doubtless obtain work in Newark. If, on the 
 contrary, you are nothing more than a gentleman of 
 elegant leisure, such as I, ready to turn your hand 
 to anything that comes in your way, then woe is me ! 
 — I'm afraid you're going to have a somewhat hard 
 time of it. Your case, in short, will resemble that 
 of the cat and the fox." 
 
 •* The cat and the fo.\," said Guy, " what is that ? " 
 
 " Well," said the stranger, "as I'm a gentleman 
 and poet, and not overburdened with much business 
 just now, I'll tell you the story. The cat and the 
 
Guy Ave rail. 63 
 
 fox were once travelling together, when the former 
 remarked she had only one way to get clear of the 
 dogs. * Oh nonsense,' said the other, ' I have ten 
 such tricks in hand, and ten times ten in a bag.' 
 Soon after the hounds were heard. Puss ran to the 
 top of a tree and was safe ; while Reynard, in spite 
 of all his resources, was caught and mangled by the 
 dogs. The story is a short one, but I wish I could 
 impress the moral of it on all those who contem- 
 plate trying their fortune in America." 
 
 " In plain terms," said Guy, " you would not 
 advise them to come to this part of the world, unless 
 they have a special training, or else are willing to 
 rough it till they find their proper level. Well, I am 
 no flatterer, but permit me to say you talk like a 
 philosopher." 
 
 "Philosopher, pooh," was the answer, "I beg 
 your pardon. I never made any pretension to that 
 dignity. My father intended me for the church, 
 and gave me a tolerable education, I believe, as far 
 as it went ; but I was too big a fool to profit by his 
 intentions. I got into an ugly scrape, ran away from 
 home, threw theology to the dogs, and have ever 
 since been content to remain as a layman. In 
 fine, as to this charge of being a philosopher, I have 
 only one word to say, and that is this, if ever I 
 appear sage-like or didactic, I most humbly ask your 
 pardon for the offence, for it most certainly was not 
 intended." 
 
 " What a happy frame of mind you seem to pos- 
 sess ! " said Guy, " I only wish I could indulge in 
 the same mood on all occasions." 
 
 " There is no reason who you should not indulge 
 6 ^ 
 
64 Guy Aver all. 
 
 in it," was the answer, " My panacea for this melan- 
 cholic feeling is to enjoy the present and let the 
 future take care of itself. Did you ever read the 
 song in Gammar Gurtin's Needle, which I take spe- 
 cial pride in, since it was written by a priest ? 
 
 ' I cannot eat but little meat 
 My stomach is not good ; 
 But sure I think, that I can drink 
 
 With him that wears a hood. 
 So back and side, go bare, go bare. 
 
 Both foot and hand go cold ; 
 But belly, God, send thee good ale 
 Whether it be new or old.' 
 
 That is pretty well quoted, is it not, by one of 
 your perambulating plebeians 1 " 
 
 "You impress me more and more every instant," 
 said Guy, " for I find you are not only a philosopher 
 but a wit. But here, without wishing to appear 
 inquisitive, I would ask one question ? If you are 
 a poet and gentleman of leisure, how does it happen 
 that you are not able to gain a livelihood in such a 
 place as the United States, where every one who 
 makes the slightest pretensions to learning or liter- 
 ary taste is sure to be amply appreciated." 
 
 The stranger came to a pause, suspended his 
 bundle on the end of his staff, and then placed the 
 latter very carefully on his shoulder. " Well sir," 
 said hct " there is a secret connected with the affair 
 which I do not care to impart except by saying that 
 shortly after I landed in these United States, I acci- 
 dentally came across a good natured relative of 
 mine, a very respectable old gentleman by the way, 
 who took me into his family, treated me very well. 
 
Guy Averall. 65 
 
 and on his bounty 1 have lived ever since. His 
 name I wont mention at present, but perhaps I will 
 find an opportunity of presenting you to my uncle 
 one of these days. You will like him exceedingly, 
 I have no doubt, when you see him ; for I assure 
 you he is as honest and kind-hearted an old gentle- 
 man as ever you met in the course of your life. 
 But a truce to this matter — there is one subject on 
 which my mind is greatly perplexed at present, that 
 is to say the precise value of beans." 
 
 " Of beans," said Guy, " I don't understand. 
 Why in the world should you interest yourself par- 
 ticularly in beans." 
 
 " Ah pardon me my friend," was the immediate 
 answer " the bean is a plant which has a mighty 
 influence on the life of a hero, especially in America. 
 Sometimes I think long and devoutly on my uncle, 
 and then beans go up ; sometimes I suffer him to 
 escape my mind, and as soon as I do, beans go 
 down. It is one of those occult principles which 
 philosophers have endeavored in vain to explain ; 
 and which I, for my part, shall not attempt to 
 unravel. " At present the words of the Sage Pythag- 
 oras, aTtexov Hua/.iGoi^, beware of beans, are sound- 
 ing in my ear, but whether I shall take heed of his 
 warning or not, is more at present than I can answer 
 So adieu ! adieu ! for the present I must hie on- 
 wards. I'll determine the value of beans, before 
 many more hours are over. Meanwhile let me add 
 one word of advice, don't wear such a melancholy 
 countenance, my dear young friend, or you will 
 greatly distress me. We will meet again, I know we 
 will, although not at Philippi." 
 
66 Guy Averall. 
 
 And shifting his bundle to the other shoulder, 
 the stranger started off, leaving Guy to the solitude 
 of his own reflections. 
 
 II. 
 
 Master Averall enjoyed his liberty during 
 the whole of that day. He wandered around New- 
 ark, asked a few questions here and there in regard 
 to employment ; was told that work, at that season 
 of the year, was somewhat scarce, and then in lack 
 of anything more definite he stuck his hands in his 
 pockets and said nothing. Once he sauntered into 
 a lodging house, called for something to eat, and 
 afterwards sauntered into the street. Here a couple 
 of musicians attracted his attention. They were 
 Italians, a little boy and a little girl, one carried a 
 harp and the other a fiddle, and to these as an 
 accompaniment, the lad gave the following words, 
 which by a happy circumstance we are able to 
 translate. 
 
 Ho r arpa al collo, son viggianese ; 
 Tutta la terra e il mio paese, 
 Come la rondin che lascia il nido 
 Passo cantando di lido in lido : 
 E fincl.e in seno mi batte il cor 
 Dir6 canzoni d'armi e di amor. 
 
 which may be thus rendered : — 
 
 My harp on my shoulder, I wander and roam, 
 No nation is mine, for the world is my home, 
 Like the warbler that flies from its parent birds' nest 
 I sing in each clime, without pausing to rest. 
 And while a true heart in this bosom beats strong 
 Of arms and of love shall be ever my song. 
 
Guy Ave rail. 67 
 
 " Happy souls ! " said Guy as he stood and lis- 
 tened for awhile, " you Italians are greasy and dirty 
 looking, no doubt, but nevertheless seem contented 
 and happy as you twang your instruments through 
 the streets. I wish I understood Italian. It is a 
 beautiful language, at least so I've been told by 
 those who are instructed in it ; judging per contra 
 by the persons who speak it habitually, in this part 
 of the world, I cannot conceive why so much 
 romance should be connected with its sounds, while 
 our noble tongue, the Irish, is altogether contemned 
 and neglected. There is no accounting for tastes in 
 this matter — all we know is simply this, that Ferrara 
 and Fiesole are supposed to be very fine places, 
 while no one in America even wishes to acknowl- 
 edge he has ever dwelt in Birr or Ballyraggat. 
 Well, well, people will discover in the long run that 
 the Irish are not such a nation of savages as some 
 suppose them to be ; still it will require time and 
 and good conduct on the part of such exiles as 
 inhabit this pait of the world, before the old pre- 
 judice is indicated." And with these sage com- 
 ments running through his head, Guy Averall soon 
 sought some other locality. 
 
 He sauntered up Market Street, and there saw 
 two butcher boys driving a bargain for a dog ; he 
 purchased a copy of the Newark Advertiser, and 
 noticed that those old Whig doctrines, which Mr, 
 Gore commended, were thoroughly expounded in 
 that sheet ; he wandered into a tavern and read the 
 advertisement for a negro minstrel entertainment 
 stuck on the wall ; he then sought the repose of 
 another establishment, of a similar kind, and was 
 
68 Guy Ave rail. 
 
 happy to discover that back of it was a bowling 
 alley, and that for the sum of twenty-five cents, any 
 person present had the privilege of participating in 
 that game. Guy took one of the balls, whirled it 
 down the alley, made a four stroke at one time and 
 a six stroke at another, and finally after rolling and 
 whirling with all his might, the boy who kept the 
 count told our friend that he had won the game. 
 His opponent paid the forfeit, and Guy left the 
 place, but all this did not bring Master Averall that 
 employment which he sought. The truth was Guy 
 was somewhat more inclined to speculate than to 
 work at that particular instant, for at one place he 
 was offered his board and a couple of dollars a 
 month, provided he would drive team all winter 
 but having already earned three times that sum 
 while under the protection of Mr. Gore, the young 
 man did not care to submit to such a terrible reduc- 
 tion in what he chose to consider his proper wages. 
 Had he been an ardent enthusiast in this matter of 
 money making, just then ; had he adhered to those 
 high resolutions with which his mind was filled when 
 he proudly trod the deck of the Imperial, Guy 
 Averall might have commenced his career in this 
 good city of Newark, toiled at all sorts of ignoble 
 occupations for ever so many years, and then per- 
 chance ended, in due solemnity, by becoming one 
 of your big millionaires. But a kind providence 
 reserved him for a different fate. The day following 
 his arrival in Newark he happened to pass a small 
 house in the vicinity of the Railway Depot on 
 Centre Street, and there he observed an advertise- 
 ment. " Wanted for the United States Army able- 
 
Guy Averall. 69 
 
 bodied men, to whom will be given good pay, clothing 
 and subsistence." And then followed a statement 
 of the amount paid each grade in the service, with 
 the full sum that Private, Corporal, and Sergeant 
 would receive during the full enlistment of five 
 years. Guy read' the account very attentively, 
 asked himself if he would like to be a soldier, and 
 feeling somewhat undecided on the matter was on 
 the point of proceeding onwards, \yhen his atten- 
 tion was attracted by the voice of a person, engaged 
 apparently in scrubbing and singing inside the prem- 
 ises. The individual thus employed, although hid 
 by an intervening wall from the gaze of the public, 
 seemed nevertheless to be as industrious as if the 
 eyes of the whole world were fixed on him. He 
 rubbed away apparently very contentedly, while at 
 intervals his labors were enlivened by a song, which 
 ran in something approaching the following strain : 
 
 "Oh the boys in Kilkenny are sweet roving 
 blades" — "a little more wather here if ye plaise " 
 — " whenever they meet with a pretty fair maid "— 
 " that's it Sullivan, down here " — " they kiss her, 
 and they court, spind their money quite free "— 
 " bad luck to it, here is a spot of dirt as big as a 
 plate "—"oh, of all towns in Oireland, Kilkinny for 
 me — oh of all towns in Oireland, Kilkinny for me." 
 
 "Well," said Guy to himself, this is no uncertain 
 sound, I rather opine that the singer of these verses 
 is none of your sentimental ItaHans, at any rate. 
 I'll see who he is." And in an instant Master 
 Averall, who had been completely captivated by the 
 music, entered the room, and was somewhat sur- 
 prised to see his acquaintance of the previous even- 
 
yo Guy Ave rail. 
 
 ing in soldier's uniform, with trowsers tucked up to 
 his knees, his feet bare, a flannel shirt on his back, 
 and a corn broom in his hand, the whole man being 
 engaged apparently in cleaning out the premises in 
 the manner already indicated. 
 
 "Heigh ho! young fellow," was the salutation 
 after Guy had made the customary obeisance. " I 
 told you we Avould meet again ; although not at 
 Philippi." 
 
 III. 
 
 Master Averall at first felt somewhat discon- 
 certed at this free and easy style of address ; but 
 recovering himself he made the usual greeting; and 
 then on glancing round discovered that the person 
 he heard addressed as Sullivan was a broad-shoul- 
 dered, stout, little Irishman ; in shape somewhat 
 resembling his friend, but possessing, in the whole a 
 countenance of less intellectual character than that 
 with which his assistant was gifted. At one side of 
 the room was a plain wooden table, with a couple of 
 chairs ; while near the window stood an ordinary 
 office desk, whose pigeon hole compartments seemed 
 to contain a number of official papers. No other 
 furniture was in the room beyond the above articles ; 
 unless indeed we except an old coal scuttle, which 
 was artfully secreted in a corner. 
 
 After a pause of a few seconds Guy's interlo- 
 cutor again began, " yes, yes," said he as he shook 
 the broom he held in his hand, " I knew well enough, 
 my dear friend, we would meet before long ; although 
 I did not care to specify the exact locality in which 
 the encounter would take place. I knew well 
 enough by the cast of your face, yesterday morning. 
 
Guy Averall. 71 
 
 that before long you would drift into this receptacle 
 for the unfortunate. Still, there are worse places 
 in the world than this, let me assure you. Don't 
 look so hard at that mud puddle before us. Here 
 we are, sir, on the banks of the Styx, waiting for 
 old Charon to ferry us over. Troth that water is 
 black enough and dirty enough in all conscience, 
 but when you have swept out as many barrack 
 rooms as I have, you will cease to wonder at the 
 circumstance." 
 
 Without waiting for any reply to the foregoing 
 observations, a vigorous application of the broom to 
 the floor once more took place, and mingled with an 
 occasional splash of water, the chant was again 
 renewed. 
 
 " Though the town of Kilkenny there flows a 
 clear straim — Faix, Sullivan, it wasn't like the one 
 now before us at any rate — In the town of Kilkenny 
 there lives a fair dame — I suppose there does, the 
 dames are all fair, both in Kilkenny and everywhere 
 else — Oh her cheeks are like roses and her lips 
 much the same — Sullivan we must hurry up or else 
 we'll not be ready for inspection. Like a dish of 
 sweet strawberries smothered in craime — like a dish 
 of sweet strawberries smothered in craime." 
 
 " Why," said Guy, by way of observation, after 
 the last vestige of the black liquid was swept out of 
 doors. " I hardly expected to find any troops in 
 this vicinity. I thought that United States Soldiers 
 were kept on the frontier; excepting, of course, the 
 few who are stationed in permanent forts." 
 
 " So they are, but this you see is a peculiar case " 
 said the other. "We are here after recruits. Do 
 
72 Guy A vera//. 
 
 you want to join the noble Twenty-sixth Artillery, 
 one of the best Regiments in the service — a regi- 
 ment, by the way, that numbers among its officers 
 the gallant Captain Daisy, Major by Brevet in the 
 United States Army, as honest an old fellow as ever 
 drew a sword, while his wife is a lady of rare excel- 
 lence, able to take care of herself and a whole gar- 
 rison beside. Willing to enlist, eh ! Just think of 
 the noble profession of arms, sir, a calling that any 
 young man might be proud of. Or, if you are of a 
 practical turn of mind and eschew romance, let me 
 privately assure you that you cannot do a better 
 thing in the beginning of winter than to turn 
 soldier." 
 
 " Is the service of the United States an agree- 
 able occupation } " said Guy. 
 
 " Faith that it is, and profitable too," was the 
 answer — " the very greatest service for promo- 
 tion in the world. You enlist for instance one day. 
 The next, in all probability, your captain takes 
 notice of you as a handsome, well-behaved young 
 fellow, and in an instant you are made Corporal. 
 You continue a Corporal for a few months, for you 
 see it wont do to hurry matters too rapidly, and 
 forthwith you are made Sergeant. War is declared 
 v/ith some foreign power, Mexico for instance, and 
 before you have time to bless yourself, your com- 
 mission as Lieutenant is forwarded to you from 
 Washington. Once an officer you have nothing but 
 plain sailing before you, for in our Army, the per- 
 son who lives the longest is sure to rank the highest, 
 even if he should attain to the age of Methuselah. 
 All you have to do is not to waste your opportu- 
 
Guy Ave rail. 73 
 
 nities by falling into bad habits; for by my con- 
 science, if I were not an unmitigated blackguard 
 myself, and a constant imbiber of a bad article of 
 whiskey, Private Hogan at your service, might at this 
 moment be a Colonel commanding a Department, 
 or what is still higher, a Brigadier General." \ 
 
 " I'm sorry for you really," said Guy, "if such 
 be indeed the case ; mend your manners, however, 
 and you will be all right. One question, mean- 
 while, let me ask — how does it happen that you 
 have selected Newark as the theatre of your opera- 
 tions. New York, it seems to me, is the proper 
 place to obtain recruits." 
 
 " The story is briefly told," was the answer. 
 "About three weeks ago, our Company, then sta- 
 tioned in New York Harbor, was reduced by deaths, 
 desertions and persons discharged, to less than its 
 proper complement of men. I saw at once that 
 this state of things could not be tolerated, so one 
 morning 1 wrote a letter to the Adjutant General 
 of the Army, asking permission to open a recruiting 
 office in this place, and for the form of the thing I 
 brought the letter to the Captain of our Company, 
 who immediately signed it. Now the Adjutant Gen- 
 eral and I are great friends ; we correspond once or 
 twice a month at the very least, and indeed there are 
 {t\f requests that I make, provided that they are at all 
 reasonable, but sooner or later he sees fit to allow 
 me. In the present case Colonel Jones was particu- 
 larly gracious, for by return mail there came an 
 official letter granting me all I desired. The whole 
 affair was now settled — Ernest Heidenrick our first 
 Sergeant, who by the way has a flourishing regard 
 
74 G'O' Aver all. 
 
 for me, was ordered to pack up the company effects, 
 the desk with its official records was assigned to 
 my care, our cook, Mr. Sullivan — allow me to pre- 
 sent him — took charge of the camp kettles, and so 
 in the end we all started for Newark, hired this 
 house, put out our advertisement in due form, and 
 here we are, ready to welcome any one who will 
 evince his patriotism, by laying aside the habiliments 
 of a civilian, and assuming the clothing that prop- 
 erly is connected with the glorious Stars and Stripes 
 which float resplendently over our heads." 
 
 "Then if I understand you correctly," said Guy, 
 "you are at present engaged in recruiting for the 
 Army." 
 
 " Recruiting, why yes, and also cogitating on the 
 value of beans. Delicious vegetable, I assure you, 
 possessed of the most wonderful properties when 
 duly administered to the soldier. Whenever a batal- 
 lion or two for instance are sent pell mell against 
 the enemy, they are always treated to a plate of 
 soup, concocted in a hasty manner from the escu- 
 lent. Sullivan give the pot a stir. Hie coyuus scith 
 ac munditer condit cibos — Plautus my boy ; a fine old 
 dramatist, full of archaic spelling. But perhaps I 
 am worrying you with my Latin — if so, I can only 
 offer as an excuse the fact that now and then a few 
 phrases from that tongue will drift through my head, 
 just to remind me of the time when I repeated ray 
 Ave and Credo, with due solemnity, among the boys 
 and black heaths of the old soil itself. But enough 
 on this subject — the Sergeant, God-bless him, will 
 be here before many minutes, and as we are to have 
 an inspection this evening, I must proceed with my 
 
Guy Ave rail. 75 
 
 work, so as to have every thing neat and respectable 
 in anticipation of the event." 
 
 IV. 
 
 A FEW flourishes of the broom completed the 
 process of sweeping, after which Mr. Hogan ap- 
 peared once more in the room ; and remarked that 
 after all he believed he had been in too much of a 
 hurry, that he had full twenty minutes as yet, at his 
 disposal; and therefore he deemed it proper and 
 right to indulge in a " whiff of a smoke." He then 
 lit his pipe with great dignity, stuck his hat on 
 three hairs, asked Guy if he indulged in the weed, 
 and after receiving an answer in the negative, he 
 seated himself on the table, crossed his bare feet in 
 front of it, and then began to puff away with all 
 the solemnity of a Pacha. 
 
 " Would you advise a fellow, like me, to enlist," 
 said Guy after a pause of a few seconds. 
 
 "I wont advise you either one way or the other," 
 was the answer, " lest at some time you should 
 blame me for urging you to accept what might pos- 
 sibly seem a bad bargain. Still, this much I will^ 
 say, that in certain respects the United States deals 
 in a very liberal manner towards its servants ; and 
 as far as pay, clothing and allowances are con- 
 cerned, there is probably no army in the world so 
 well provided for as our own. Of course there are 
 some hardships and annoyances connected with the 
 service, as every one must admit, but still after try- 
 ing both citizen and soldier life, I give the prefer- 
 ence to the latter. You saw me yesterday morning 
 with a bundle on my back ; well, sir, I was just on 
 
•J 6 Guy Aver all. 
 
 my return from an expedition in the country. The 
 story is as follows, — it may save to illustrate what I 
 have said. About three weeks ago, my term of 
 enlistment had expired, when as luck would have it, 
 I happened to see an advertisement in the papers 
 saying that an assistant was required at a cele- 
 brated literary place known as the " Laurel Hill 
 Institute of Gentlemen Cadets " near Newark. This 
 name " Institute " rather captivated my fancy, so in 
 default of anything more definite I thought I would 
 apply for the place. Away accordingly I started. 
 Without much difficulty I found the principal of 
 the school, and after a little conversation and exam- 
 ination of some length, I was formally accepted as 
 tutor. The bargain was this, I must teach the boys 
 ten hours a day, live on cabbage and Graham rolls, 
 like the rest of the fraternity, watch the students 
 from morning till night, report their delinquencies 
 to the head of affairs, superintend such drills as they 
 had in the establishment, blow the organ on Sun- 
 days, and dress like a gentleman beside on the small 
 sum of twenty-five dollars a month. I stood the 
 thing for a while ; but in the end the constraint of 
 the place was too much forme. One morning I had 
 a quarrel with an insignificant scrub of a boy, son 
 of the Principal, who seemed to think, Heaven save 
 the mark, that the care of the entire place rested on 
 his shoulders. He reported a boy for taking half a 
 biscuit from a plate that stood in the pantry ; the 
 boy, who was hungry and afraid of getting a whip- 
 ping, began to cry — I seeing the affair took the lad's 
 part, and said it was a mean, insignificant piece of 
 business to report such a trifle. The young gentle- 
 
Guy Averall. 77 
 
 man whom I had taken to task then began to make 
 faces at me, and call me a Paddy of an Irisliman, 
 an insinuation which I am sorry to say I could not 
 deny. I repaid the compliment by giving the youth 
 a slap, the father came in and took his son's part, 
 one word brought on another, till finally I went to 
 my room, bundled up my effects, demanded my 
 wages, came into town and enlisted once more, and 
 and am now Private Tim Hogan of the Twenty- 
 sixth Artillery, at your very good service."* 
 
 "And so you like the Army, after all," said Guy, 
 somewhat amused meanwhile at Mr. Hogan's account 
 of his efforts at school-teaching. 
 
 " Like it ! certainly," was the answer, " else I 
 would not be in it. Glorious place for promotion as 
 I told you before. Only eschew a bad article o^ 
 whiskey, as I already have hinted, and you will be 
 a Brigadier General, at the very least, "before you 
 die. Of course there are some annoyances — I and 
 the Sergeant, for instance, have an odd spat now 
 and then, just byway of amusement; but what of 
 that, — it is all a sort of by-play. Heidenrick is a 
 good fellow at the bottom of his heart, and I like 
 him, at this instant, even in spite of his little pecca- 
 dillos and faults. But speak of old Satan and he 
 will appear — in the passage I hear the footsteps of 
 the great Ernest himself." 
 
 In a few seconds a long, lanky, cadaverous look- 
 ing Teuton, with a squint in one eye and a nose 
 slightly inflamed, entered the room, and after gazing 
 around him for some time, he commenced his ora- 
 tion in the following manner. 
 
 " Hogan — I vants you to hurry up — get de room 
 
78 Guy Ave rail. 
 
 vixed so as to be ready for de Major. Vere are 
 dose babers I dolt you to get ready. Eh ! not 
 ready yet. Dunner and blitzen they ought to have 
 peen two hours ago. I zuppose you were talking 
 und gabbling here ven you ought to have peen 
 attending to pusiness." 
 
 " I have been attending to business as closely as 
 you," said Hogan, who in spite of the Sergeant's 
 leprimand, did not seem at all abashed. 
 
 " No you hav'nt, I huve peen overrun mit pusi- 
 ness all de morning, bud dunner und blitzen again, 
 vat does dis ere veller vant here ? " 
 
 " I don't know, you can ask him yourself," 
 responded the clerk. 
 
 " Ask him yourself ! ist dat de respects you 
 show to your superior non-commissioned officer," 
 exclaimed the Sergeant- "For what you not know 
 petter un that ? " 
 
 " My education in some respects was rather neg- 
 lected," replied the other with admirable sang froid^ 
 *' I suppose I must learn an accommodating style of 
 address from you." 
 
 ''Address — veil I'll improve your address. Go' 
 und finish dose babers, as soon as we gets dru de 
 inspection. Und zee that before evening you don't 
 get trunk." 
 
 " If I do, I know my fate," was the answer, 
 " but at present I have no relish either for the guard 
 house or for a general court martial. The papers 
 will be finished before evening," 
 
 " Und you knabe, vat wants you here, eh ? " said 
 the Sergeant, who having disponed of Hogan in the 
 first instance now turned his attention to Guy. 
 
Guy AvcraU. 79 
 
 "I have a free foot in this part of llic world," re- 
 sponded our friend, " and as a necessary consecjuence 
 I have made up my mind to enter the Army." 
 
 " Vot you enlists — ist dat vot you say. Free 
 man, eh ? Land of the brave and home of the free, 
 eh ! who taught you dat .'' " 
 
 " I learned it myself," said Guy. 
 
 " You learned it yourself,. vot in New Jersey ! Veil 
 den you knabe, let me ask you one question. Do 
 you expects to be any more free vonce you enlists } " 
 
 " I don't know" was the anwer. 
 
 " You don't know just now, but before long you 
 will find it out. However, I enlists you. Come 
 here to-morrow morning at nine o'clock, und we vill 
 see vat we can do mit you. I vill talk to the Major." 
 
 While this dialogue was progressing between 
 Guy and the Sergeant, the clerk Hogan saw fit to 
 retire to a back room which contained his accoutre- 
 ments ; and in a, few minutes afterwards he re-ap- 
 peared in clean boots, clean trousers, and clean 
 jacket, his tout ensemble being the verypersonifica- 
 cation of military neatness. How any person could 
 change his habiliments in the few seconds that 
 Hogan required for that purpose was a mystery 
 which Guy Averall could not comprehend. Having, 
 however, completed his examination of the clerk, 
 Master Averall sauntered out of the premises. As 
 he was going down the hallway, a very quiet look- 
 ing little man in uniform passed him ; and shortly 
 afterwards the voice of the Sergeant was heard giv- 
 ing the word " attention," a polysyllable which is 
 always pronounced in military circles, when an 
 officer of the United States Army enters a room that 
 
8o Guy Ave rail. 
 
 is occupied by enlisted men. Guy Averall immedi- 
 ately surmised that the inspection, to which refer- 
 ence had been made already, was now going on ; 
 and that the personage who had passed him, when 
 making his exit, was neither more or less than that 
 gallant Captain Daisy. 
 
 V. 
 During the evening Guy Averall retired to his 
 lodging house, and while there began to cogitate on 
 the career now open before him. He thought of 
 that wonderful history which he had been reading 
 a short time previous; he though of Austerlitz, 
 Jena, and the terrible passage of the bridge of Lodi, 
 he thought of the possibility of rivalling these feats 
 of arms in the United States of America; enlisting, 
 in short, as a simple private, and finishing his course 
 as chief of some brigade in the Republican service. 
 Was there anything impossible in this. Certainly 
 not ; — did not Ney, Victor, and a score of others, 
 all originally rise from the ranks, and can it be said 
 that such a country as the United States, the 
 chances of promotion are less than in the older 
 nations of Europe ! The thing is preposterous, 
 Guy Averall will be Brigadier General yet — that's 
 settled. But here a slight suspicion passed over 
 the mind of our hero — perhaps, after all, the chances 
 for elevation in the American Army were not so 
 brilliant as at first sight they may seem — perhaps 
 the man who enlists under the Stars and Stripes is 
 uncertain, in default of patronage, to attain the 
 higher grades, and that when the clerk Hogan spoke 
 of rapid promotions the words were uttered in pure 
 
Guy Ave rail. 81 
 
 irony. Well, even so — the life of a soldier, after 
 all, is not to be despised. The changes from sta- 
 tion would afford an excellent opportunity of seeing 
 the country, and as to the mere act of enlisting, 
 there was certainly nothing disreputable in it. 
 Yes, a soldier's calling, let people say as they may^ 
 is an honest, and as the world is now constituted a 
 necessary one ; and although sentimental humanita- 
 rians may preach, it will be a long time before we 
 can dispense with a uniform. As to the individuals 
 in the Army, it is only natural to suppose that there 
 are the good, the bad and the indifferent among 
 them, just as we have these several classes every- 
 where else. A truce then to this hesitation — to- 
 morrow our adventurer will enter in a new career — 
 perhaps the step he is now about to take may be 
 attended with good luck; but even if the contrary 
 should happen, Guy Averall will surely inflict no 
 injury on any one but himself. 
 
 Next morning, therefore, according to command, 
 Master Averall appeared at the recruiting office, 
 where the usual formalities pertaining to enlistment 
 were dispatched. Guy underwent a medical exami- 
 nation, took the customary oath, signed his papers 
 before a notary public, and now stood a full private 
 in the United States service. At first an objection 
 was made on account of his age, but when Guy 
 stated that he was his own master, and consequently 
 no officious relative could claim him as a runaway, 
 the demurrer was withdrawn. It is but right to say 
 that in this entire transaction, even in spite of 
 Hogan's exaggerated statements, there was nothing 
 but fair dealing exhibited on the part of the govern- 
 
82 Guy Aver all. 
 
 ment. The amount of the private's pay, which was 
 then seven dollars a month, was clearly stated ; the 
 clothing given to him was mentioned ; while no 
 attempt was made to conceal the fact that the 
 engagement itself was a somewhat lengthy one, and 
 could not be terminated on either side by mere 
 caprice. In fact all efforts at misrepresentation, in 
 order to induce young men to enlist, is steadily dis- 
 countenanced at Washington; and indeed the good 
 Captain Daisy was by nature too inert to extol the 
 service to anything beyond its merits. When Guy 
 had taken the required oath, he simply contented 
 himself, as Hogan had already done, with adminis- 
 tering some seasonable advice on the prevailing 
 offence of intoxication. 
 
 "When you get into the Darmy," said the 
 official speaking through his nose, and looking at 
 the same time very earnestly at Guy, " when you 
 get in the Darmy, be careful to avoid pad trink. 
 Young men ruin their constitution by too much 
 stimulant, now a days — pad trink causes fights after 
 bay day and garrison court martials and that sort 
 of thing — whiskey, my dear young man, is the 
 source of an infinite amount of trouble." 
 
 " I never, as yet, have been guilty of any excess 
 in that way," said Guy. 
 
 " Yes, I know, I know," was the answer, " but still 
 the temptation is too much for young men, even in 
 spite of their good resolutions. Let pad trink alone, 
 and you will be all right. Dat will do. Sergeant, if a 
 good strong man, fit to look after a horse and work 
 a bangle should enlist, send him to me or Mrs. 
 Daisy by all means. I want a man of that sort, but 
 
Guy Aver all. 83 
 
 see that he is regular in his habits, at tlie same time; 
 for this thing of pad trink has given me more trouble 
 than all the other evils in the Army put together." 
 
 At this instant the clerk Hjgan appeared with 
 some papers requiring the Captain's signature, and 
 Averall stepped out. Five or six other recruits 
 were accepted that morning in due form ; for in 
 truth the cold weather seemed to have a magical 
 effect on New Jersey patriotism, as far as one branch 
 of the service was concerned. Of those enlisted 
 on the present occasion, two were Irishmen, two 
 were Germans, one was an American and one was a 
 native of Canada — these members indeed may serve 
 as an indication of the different nationalities which 
 are found under ordinary circumstances in the 
 Army. The Irishmen and Germans were like Guy 
 fresh importations ; the Canadian had been drifting 
 around Newark for some time ; as to the American, 
 whose name was Petersen, he was a good-natured 
 whimsical fellow, who at one time had been a printer 
 in the interior of Pennsylvania, more recently a lec- 
 turer on phrenology, and now seemed resolved to 
 turn soldier as he expressed it "just for a lark." 
 One appendage which he carried in his hand must 
 not be forgotten in this place — a box containing a 
 collection of skulls, and on these, as fragments of 
 phrenological science, an immense value seemed to 
 be placed. Guy, nevertheless, in talking with Peter- 
 sen found him a man of considerable information, 
 and hence he determined to cultivate his acquaint- 
 ance as thoroughly as possible. In return, the 
 printer gave Guy a long description of such man- 
 ners and usages as were prevalent among the Ger- 
 
84 Gvy Aver all. 
 
 man population of his native state; told him of the 
 Mennonites, Dunkards, and other religious bodies 
 found among them ; and finally, wound up with an 
 account of that curious custom called " bundling," 
 which permits a couple who contemplate marriage 
 to occupy temporary the same nocturnal couch, but 
 visits with the most condign punishment any viola- 
 tion of the seventh commandment. 
 
AFLOAT. 
 
 I. 
 
 The morning after the enlistment of Master Guy 
 a grand discussion took place in the recruiting depot 
 on a point to which the mind of the military man nat- 
 urally reverts; namely, the composition and character 
 of the armies of the different countries of Europe at 
 the present time. The place of meeting was the 
 mess room ; the speakers were the more verdant 
 recruits, who had joined the service the day pre- 
 vious, and the particular theme which engaged their 
 attention, in the first instance, was the famous battle 
 of Waterloo, and the part that was borne in it by 
 the several contestants, French, Prussians and En- 
 glish, who were there engaged. A profound admi- 
 ration for barbaric force was evidently the promi- 
 nent trait during the debate, while each interlocutor 
 spoke according to his individual predilection, and 
 endeavored above all things to uphold the honor of 
 that nation which he was inclined to claim as his own. 
 
 " The Frinch, I maintain, are the best troops 
 that the world has ever seen," exclaimed one 
 speaker, an Irishman from the County Cork. 
 
 " In steadiness and discipline, they cannot for a 
 moment be compared to those under John Bull," 
 was the appropriate answer, as given by a Canadian. 
 
 " Yes, but by gar, when the old Brussians came 
 in, both Vrench and English have to submit," was 
 the rejoinder, put forward by the German. 
 ^^5 
 
S6 Guy Averall. 
 
 "Bosh, nonsense, the Prussians were whipped 
 again and again, during the wars with Napoleon; 
 while the English under Wellington were never 
 beaten," said the Canadian. 
 
 " How do you account for Wellington's exclama- 
 tion about wishing for night on Blucher, during the 
 progress of the fight ? " asked the Irishman with a 
 proud look. 
 
 " How do you account for the repulse of the old 
 guard, with the shouts of tout est perdu which fol- 
 lowed .'' " was the reply. 
 
 " The Frinch took one of the positions in front 
 of the English, even in spite of their teeth," re- 
 marked the one. 
 
 " The English held the chateau of Hogoumont, 
 notwithstanding the best efforts of their adversaries 
 to dislodge them," replied the other. 
 
 " During the last hours of the fight, the British 
 reserves were all in line, and even then they were 
 almost used up." 
 
 " The French outnumbered their opponents in 
 the beginning of the affray, and were repulsed again 
 and again by inferior forces." 
 
 " Yes, but if it had not been for the old Brus- 
 sians what could Wellington have done.? Napoleon 
 would have renewed the attack, and would have 
 whipped the British, spite of their teeth." 
 
 It is not known how long this discourse would 
 have lasted, or where it would have ended, had not 
 the amiable Heidenrick appeared at this juncture 
 and cut it somewhat short. " Dunner und blitzen," 
 said he, as he thrust his head into the room, " for 
 what are all you vellers making this tammed noise 
 
Guy Avcrall. 87 
 
 for. You two Irish vellers, I can hear your voice 
 all over de house, und you tammed Dutchman too, 
 you are every pit as pad as the rest. For what you 
 not know that I expects peace and quietness in 
 these quarters till I gives you leave to speak. Zo 
 you learn good manners and keep quiet at once," 
 
 The peremptory style in which these words were 
 uttered, served as a damper upon any further de- 
 bate ; after all was quieted however, an old Scotch- 
 man, called Moldwell, who had formerly served in 
 the Twenty-sixth Artillery, and who had re-enlisted 
 that very morning remarked: "Is there not some- 
 thing senseless," he said, in this exaltation of human 
 slaughter, as the most sublime of earthly qualities. 
 Some of the greatest pests the world has ever seen 
 were remarkable for their love of fighting, but in 
 spite of the pyramid of skulls which they erect, here 
 and there, every one despises and abhors them. As 
 to Napoleon Bonaparte, he was undoubtedly a very 
 great man ; but it is not the number of persons 
 that he killed that constitutes his claim in our admi- 
 ration, but rather the skill he evinced in command- 
 ing men and in bringing his own country under the 
 dominion of order, at a time when it was com- 
 pletely disorganized. Without these qualities he 
 would have been nothing better than a Gengis Khan 
 or an Attila." 
 
 " I understand your meaning," replied Guy, " but 
 after all, your conqueror, be he good or bad, is a 
 mighty interesting fellow ; and in addition it seems 
 to me that a people who do not advocate a proper 
 sentiment of honor in the profession of arms leave 
 a poor legacy to their successors. I have lately 
 
88 Guy Averall. 
 
 been reading one of the greatest work on history, 
 that probably ever was written, and as long as I 
 have Abbott and his narrative at my back, I care 
 little for these petty cavillings." And having deliv- 
 ered himself in this truly oracular manner Guy 
 Averall made his escape from the recruiting station, 
 and in company with the clerk Hogan, he afterwards 
 sought the street. 
 
 "Thank Heaven we are free from the tongue of 
 that old boor, at any rate — I mean Heidenrick of 
 course," said the scribe as soon as he had gained 
 the outer air, " we can now go round the city, like 
 free men. Wont you come along with me, till we 
 see some of the sights ? " 
 
 To this proposition Guy immediately assented, 
 but they had not proceeded very far before Averall 
 noticed a couple of rather rough looking fellows, of 
 the Irish persuasion, coming out of a whiskey shop, 
 and swaggering before him down the street. They 
 were both dressed in a half-ragged, half-careless 
 style, but seemed to be in the best possible spirits, 
 for after proceeding a few paces they struck up the 
 following chorus : 
 
 Where'eer we go we make a noise, 
 
 Paint blue eyes black, and flatten noses. 
 Kick up a row among the boys. 
 
 And level those who dare oppose us. 
 Bow, wow, wow. Yankee Doodle now. 
 Give us a chance for a while to maltreat you. 
 Bow, wow, wow. 
 
 " Humorous certainly," said Guy, " our country 
 is occasionally honored, in the representatives that 
 are thrust before the public." 
 
Guy Averall. 89 
 
 " Honored ! of course it is," was the response. 
 "There is no Irishman, in these United States, who 
 does not feel proud of the fact that he has such 
 compatriots as these. But listen once more to the 
 music." 
 
 After a while the swaggerers continued, 
 
 No Tory Judge in the land of the free, 
 To hang, draw, quarter and abuse us, 
 No Justice of the Peace, save those that we elect. 
 To souse a bully boy, if he happens to abuse us. 
 Bow, wow, wow. Yankee Doodle now, 
 Give us a chance for a while to maltreat you. 
 Bow, wow, wow. 
 
 "What an unmitigated couple of ruffians," said 
 Guy, speaking in this instance from the bottom of 
 his heart. " Do you find many such as these in the 
 United States service 1 " 
 
 " Why no," was the answer " military discipline 
 hardly agrees with them. Such fellows as these 
 prefer the freedom of citizen life, where they can 
 roam at large. They run to fires ; act as repeaters 
 at election time; vote the democratic ticket; and, 
 generally speaking, contrive to pick up a living in 
 all sorts of ways, provided they can get clear of 
 continuous, steady work. In this particular locality 
 we call such fellows as these the * livelies ; ' a word 
 which expresses the free and easy disposition which 
 is habitual to them. All Irishmen, my dear friend, 
 in these parts, are divided into two classes the 
 'livelies,' and the 'dulls.' The last contrive to 
 save a little money, now and then, and do not differ 
 essentially from the great body of citizens by whom 
 they are surrounded. The others manage to spend 
 
9© Guy Aver all. 
 
 even more than they earn ; yes, and what is still 
 better, spend it with considerable eclat ! " 
 
 *' Eclat ! that may be," said Guy, "but somehow 
 or other, I cannot say that I admire their free and 
 easy style of living. Still, let us not be too hasty, 
 perhaps they may not be as bad as they seem, and 
 therefore it would be wrong to prejudge them." 
 
 At this instant the two worthies were joined by a 
 confederate, somewhat bigger than either, and the 
 three remained together in consultation respecting 
 some question of local politics which then engaged 
 their attention. After a few seconds, a woman who 
 was peddling oranges, came into the street ; and as 
 an orange to the mobocracy is a fruit somewhat dis- 
 tasteful, it was resolved forthwith to attack her. No 
 sooner said than done, in a trice the poor woman 
 was upset, her fruit was scattered over the pave- 
 ment, and while two of the rowdies ran away, the 
 third began to pick up the contents of the basket 
 and transfer them instantly to his pocket. But he 
 had hardly proceeded any length, when the woman 
 bethought her of her remedy ; and began scream- 
 ing " police, police " at the top of her voice. 
 
 There was a long pause before any policeman 
 appeared, but finally a gentleman, in citizen attire, 
 with a star on his breast, became visible, and asked 
 the woman what was the matter ? 
 
 "What's the matter, is it, yer after axin " was 
 the response " Faix plinty iv matter, I assure you. 
 Look at that hangdog looking ruffian, who has just 
 ran round the corner. He has upset me basket iv 
 daicent oranges into the gutter; and that other 
 main looking villain, with the dirty brown coat, has 
 
Guy Ave rail. 91 
 
 stolen the half of them, och hone ! och hone ! that 
 iver I should see this day ! Here are all my savings 
 and scrapings, after struggling for tin long years in 
 Amerikay, scattered abroad in an instant." 
 
 " Well, what do you wish me to do in this mat- 
 ter?" 
 
 " Wish you to do in the matter ! And are ye 
 after axin me such a question as that. Why arrest 
 the bloody villian of course; and put him in jail; 
 and let him be tried for insultin and abusin as daicent 
 and respectable a woman, as ever trod the streets of 
 Newark." 
 
 "It is your fault, not his," said the Policeman 
 with a grunt. 
 
 " Well did I ivir — " said the woman. But just 
 at this moment the official began to reflect that per- 
 haps, after all, it was better for him to put the law 
 in force, and arrest the plunderer, who was now pro- 
 ceeding leisurely up the street. 
 
 He started forward in order to put this design 
 into execution, but hardly had he touched the first 
 offender, when one of the other confederates ap- 
 peared on the scene. This man seemed to be an 
 adept in the arts of the street ; for just as the police- 
 man was on the point of making the arrest, he came 
 behind the latter, tripped him up very skilfully with 
 one foot, hit the official a blow on the neck when 
 falling, and then both he and his friend scampered 
 off, as fast as their feet could carry them. Mean- 
 while the unfortunate v/oman, on whom the assault 
 had been made, collected such remnants of her fruit 
 as she could secure, and then started home, mutter- 
 ing her discontent as best she could. 
 
92 
 
 Guy Aver all. 
 
 " Well, well," said Guy when the whole thing was 
 over, "this certainly is one of the most wonderful af- 
 fairs I ever saw in the whole course of my life. Is this 
 the popular government which we have in America ? " 
 "Speak reverentially of .the gods" said Mr. 
 Hogan with a look which defied criticism, " else 
 their majesties will visit you, on a sudden, with 
 Nemesis at their heels. You are how in a part of 
 the world where valor is supreme, accompanied with 
 occasional flashes of wit and humor. Democracy 
 makes us all happy. This is what is known as the 
 buily sixty-fourth ward ; and we are now standing 
 in the city of Newark." 
 
 Mr, Hogan was facetious; his parts indeed shone 
 out on several occasions, during the day ; and to- 
 wards evening, as they were returning together to 
 the recruiting station, Guy Averall took the liberty 
 of suggesting once more that a gentleman of the 
 varied attainments of the clerk, could readily find 
 more profitable occupation than in the Army. At 
 first Hogan made no direct reply to this remark, but 
 after both friends were seated in the company office, 
 the scribe heaved a sigh, and then observed that 
 there was indeed a fatality connected with the 
 service, for once a person had joined it he was 
 doomed again and again to re-enlist. " Still," said 
 he, " I enjoy the army heartily, spite of Heidenrick, 
 and following out this notion, I on one occasion, 
 composed a few verses on the subject, which with 
 your kind permission I should like to sing, as ex- 
 pressive of the feelings of an old soldier like myself, 
 after he has taken refuge for the third or fourth 
 time under the United States flag." 
 
Guy Aver all. 93 
 
 " Let us hear them," exclaimed Guy, 
 And in accordance with this invitation, the bard, 
 after sitting down on a chair, crossed his legs, and 
 when his cap had been adjusted in proper style, he 
 favored Private Averall with the following ode. 
 
 Where'er I've wandered, and calmly pondered, 
 
 On back pay squandered, 'twixt me and you, 
 There comes a twitching, mild and bewitching, 
 
 That urges me for to don the blue. " 
 Whether kissing, courting, or drinking, sporting. 
 
 With chums consorting, the same is true. 
 For some gentle spirit, that I inherit, 
 
 Whispers, " Hogan, boy, put on Army blue." 
 
 I've oft resisted, and turned and twisted. 
 
 And still insisted, for some other hue. 
 But the thing's so taking, there's no forsaking. 
 
 That piece of cloth they call Army blue. 
 Since then I'm fated, thus to be mated. 
 
 To the dear coat is full honor due, 
 I long have known it, ne'er will disown it. 
 
 That piece of cloth they call Army blue. 
 
 These stanza's sung to that well-known air, " The 
 Groves of Blarney," were received with fitting ap- 
 plause, and after the conclusion of the ode both 
 parties proceeded to their supper. 
 
 II. 
 
 In a couple of days after the foregoing events, the 
 men already enlisted were assembled, and put into 
 uniform, after which Sergeant Heidenrick informed 
 them that he had orders to dispatch the party with- 
 out delay to their ultimate resting place, Fort Co- 
 lumbus, New York Harbor. A grand bundling of 
 effects now followed ; and as Sullivan, the cook, had 
 
94 Guy Ave rail. 
 
 shown himself to be a man of mettle, in a dispute 
 ■with a noisy recruit, the day previous, he was accord- 
 ingly put in charge of the party. As to Guy 
 Averall the news of this transfer to a regular military 
 station delighted him exceedingly ; he longed, in 
 fact, to buckle on his armor, and show himself a 
 soldier, ready for fight. Respecting his old flame 
 Miss Jessie, he had already banished her from his 
 mind, and was -resolved to maintain a warlike atti- 
 tude towards her, and also to the rest of her sex, as 
 long as he remained in the service. So he strapped 
 on his knapsack, slung his haversack over one 
 shoulder, and in company with the rest of the re- 
 cruits, he marched to the Market Street Depot in 
 Newark, so as to take the cars for his ultimate desti- 
 nation at as early a period as possible. 
 
 On their way across those salt marshes that lie 
 on the road to New York, a very pleasant conversa- 
 tion took place among the members of the party, for 
 after the battle of Waterloo had been again dis- 
 cussed, and the Prussian, English, and French armies 
 had all been arranged in their respective order of 
 merit, the bard Mr. Hogan, saw proper to prefer a 
 request to the phrenologist Peterson, so as to obtain 
 a glance at the box which contained the collection 
 of skulls belonging to the latter. " My dear sir, 
 won't you let us have a look at your curiosities ?" 
 
 "With all my heart, with all my heart," was the 
 immediate answer. " Glad, sir, to find that you take 
 an interest in the form of heads. Phrenology, let 
 me assure you, is really one of the most sublime and 
 useful of the sciences." And, in an instant, the box 
 which contained the craniological specimens, under 
 
Guy Averall. 95 
 
 charge of the printer, was dragged from its resting 
 place, under his seat, and a very fine sample of the 
 upper portion of the human frame was placed in the 
 hands of the speaker. 
 
 " Why may not this be the skull of a lawyer C 
 said Hogan, who chose to quote Hamlet, after he 
 had obtained possession of the relic. "Where be 
 his quiddits now, his quillets, his cases, his tenures, 
 and his tricks ? Humph ! This fellow might be in 's 
 time a great buyer of land, with his statutes, his re- 
 cognizances, his fines, his double voucliers, his re- 
 coveries. Is this the fine of his fines, and the recov- 
 ery of his recoveries, to have his fine pate full of fine 
 dirt ? Will his vouchers vouch him no more of his 
 purchases, and double ones too, than the length and 
 breadth of a pair of indentures ? The very convey- 
 ance of his lands will hardly lie in this box ; and 
 must the inheritor himself have no more ? I presume, 
 Mr. Peterson, you have studied Shakspeare?" 
 
 "Gad, I have," said Peterson; and what is bet- 
 ter have acted him too, and just as soon as we get 
 established in regular quarters, I propose that some 
 of us gentlemen of taste, should form a Thespian 
 society, so as to give a proper representation of 
 Hamlet. Can I count on you, sir, as one of our 
 members. Glad to see you have an appreciation of 
 that noble science of which I am a devotee ; although 
 in point of fact, that head over which you have been 
 spouting, did not belong to a lawyer at all, but to a 
 French carter, a man of an enormous appetite, just 
 feel his bump of alimentativeness, if you please, who 
 died in consequence of eating a large quantity of 
 watermelons. Indeed, I secured his skull on ac- 
 
96 Guy Averall. 
 
 count of his untimely end, and now consider it one 
 of the most precious reUcs in my collection." 
 
 " I understand," said Hogan. " Meanwhile let 
 me ask has it not been objected to phrenology, that 
 while there may be some general truth in the science, 
 it is folly to suppose that there are so many minute 
 divisions in the brain, each one connected with a 
 particular faculty, as its advocates suppose ? " 
 
 " Such an objection as that savors of ignorance," 
 was the reply. " The truths of phrenology, my dear 
 sir, rest on a basis which cannot be shaken. Obser- 
 vation and induction are all we rely on, in support 
 of our claims ; the philosophy "of Bacon, neither 
 more or less,«if you please. The world has seldom 
 seen two greater men then Doctors Gall and Spurz- 
 heim, to whom we are indebted for the formation of 
 this new system. Here sir, in this part of the head, 
 we have the animal propensities ; while the intel- 
 lectual faculties such as comparison and causality 
 are found in another. For ages men have been 
 groping in the dark, with the so-called science of 
 metaphysics, and what is the result.? Why simply 
 a conglomeration of systems, in which each philoso- 
 pher says all his predecessors are wrong, and he alone 
 is right. But with phrenology the case is different. 
 Nothing is assumed till it is proven, and as a conse- 
 quence we have positive results, instead of mere 
 speculation, as is the case with the earlier meta- 
 physicians. At present, gentlemen, the subject of 
 phrenology is only half appreciated by the general 
 public; the time will come, nevertheless, when its 
 claims will be better understood, and I verily be- 
 lieve, that the day is not far distant, when in.stead of 
 
Guy Aver all. 97 
 
 selecting officers for public trusts, by random elec- 
 tions, as we now do, the candidates for office will 
 have their heads submitted to a college of experts, 
 who after handling their bumps, in due order, will 
 decide which person among them is best fitted for 
 public confidence." 
 
 Hogan was on the point of protesting against 
 the grovelling view of human life and human actions 
 which the phrenologist had enunciated, but just as 
 he was entering his objection the train reached 
 Jersey City. In due time the party got out of the 
 cars, crossed the North River in a ferry boat, marched 
 to the Battery, and getting into a barge that seemed 
 to be awaiting them, they were soon conveyed to 
 Governors' Island. This place as is well known, is 
 situated at the distance of about one thousand yards 
 from the southern extremity of New York city, and 
 is separated from the shore of Long Island by a 
 channel of considerable depth. According to offi- 
 cial report, its whole extent is something over sixty 
 two acres, all of which is devoted to military pur- 
 poses. On the north-western extremity of the 
 Island, a somewhat conspicuous object is presented in 
 a structure known as Castle Williams, a circular 
 stone building, with three tiers of casemates and a 
 battery in barbette. The Fort itself occupies the 
 highest points of the Island, and is described as an 
 " old-fashioned, four bastioned Fort, with a deep 
 ditch." During the summer months the surface of 
 the Island is covered with a green sward, and pre- 
 sents a very pleasing appearance, when viewed from 
 the deck of vessels, goiug into or leaving the Harbor. 
 In one portion of the place is the ground appro- 
 
98 Guy Averall. 
 
 priated to the Ordnance Department, and as Guy 
 Averall proceeded from the boat which conveyed 
 him to his final resting place, a curious feeling came 
 over him, for the piles of shot and shell which he 
 passed, the rows of guns placed on skids awaiting 
 shipment, and afterward the grim outline of the fort 
 itself, all served to fill him with a sort of military 
 awe which even his best philosophy was not able to 
 conquer. At this particular juncture, however, Pri- 
 vate Sullivan, the soldier in charge, was graciously 
 pleased to remind our friend that he need not be 
 gaping around, just as if he had never heard of a 
 Fort, to close up the ranks, and take the proper 
 step, instead of staring around him like a wild " om- 
 hadoun." 
 
 After disposing of their effects in a suitable man- 
 ner, the squad was marched to the kitchen, where 
 the orthodox dinner of bread, meat, and that beau 
 soup which Hogan had already eulogized, was 
 served. After this, the recruits were turned out and 
 put through the first principles of the drills" by 
 the right flank" — "about face" — and above all 
 " the position of the soldier." As to marching for- 
 ward in line, that at present was beyond the power 
 of any one individual of the party, for in spite of 
 all the explanations which Sullivan made, some 
 would face to the. right when the command was 
 given to the left ; and vice versa the left would be 
 mistaken for the right on some other occasion. 
 There is a legend current at most military posts of 
 a certain tyro in arms, who was so stupid that all 
 efforts to teach him his drill were futile, so a rope of 
 hay was fastened round one foot, and a rope of 
 
Guy Aver all. 99 
 
 straw round another ; and then by giving the com- 
 mands " hay foot," " straw foot," " hay foot," " straw 
 foot," in succession, the young man was finally 
 taught to march. But not one of Guy's party, we 
 are happy to say, was so dull as to require anything 
 of this kind. In the course of three or four weeks 
 indeed, they were all adjudged to be competent sol- 
 diers, and were accordingly assigned to the same 
 duties as the other members of the command. 
 
 III. 
 
 After his transfer to Governor's Island, Guy 
 Averall remained on the whole in a very contented 
 and happy frame of mind. He walked around the 
 Island, watched the steamboats and shipping as they 
 moved up and down the bay; cast a wistful eye, now 
 and then, at the big city which lay on the opposite 
 side of the harbor, and when in company with some 
 friend he discussed such questions of morals and 
 metaphysics as the circumstances or the times might 
 suggest. As to the reading pursued at this time by 
 Master Guy, it is only necessary to say that for the 
 present the Life of Napoleon was laid aside, and in 
 its place was substituted such knowledge as could be 
 gathered from the daily press. The Sun, the Her- 
 ald^ and the Tribune ; all of them New York papers^ 
 were laid under contribution. And here we would 
 forewarn your terribly wise and terribly learned per- 
 sonage, not to affect the bearing supercilious, when 
 this particular description of reading matter is men- 
 tioned. It plays a very important part in modern 
 life ; and for that very reason, if for no other, we 
 cannot afford to either despise or ignore it. News- 
 
lOO Guy Ave rail. 
 
 papers, we grant, in many cases, are anything rather 
 than oracles ; indeed, as far as public events are 
 concerned, the opinions expressed in them, are often 
 hastily formed ; and are frequently forgotten as soon 
 as uttered. Yet after all they form the best vehicle, 
 by all odds, that has yet been invented for informing 
 the general public respecting current events. What 
 • a treasure to us a series of Athenian newspapers, for 
 instance, would be ; what an insight they would give 
 us regarding the every day life of the violet-crowned 
 city. How much might an opinion be modified, of 
 this or that public character, if only their actions 
 and speeches were periodically reported.? Some 
 newspapers may be mercenary, but at the very most, 
 a mercenary press is surely much better than a muz- 
 zled press. No country can long preserve its lib- 
 erty where a free expression of opinion is not at all 
 times tolerated. 
 
 So much on this subject, let us now proceed to 
 another. As to the officers then stationed at Fort 
 Columbus — Master Averall, of course, saw them 
 every now and then. Sometimes he met them on 
 parade ; sometimes he passed them on the sidewalk, 
 and on such occasions he touched his cap, in a duti- 
 ful and respectful manner, as each and every soldier 
 in the American Army is bound by Regulations to 
 do. But to criticise them, even in the smallest mat- 
 ter, he found himself utterly incapable of doing, 
 and therefore he never attempted anything of the 
 kind. To be candid, however, they all seemed to 
 be well behaved, well conducted gentlemen, who 
 attended to their military duties day after day ; and 
 if there were any exceptions to the rule, it certainly 
 
Guy Ave rail. loi 
 
 did not appear upon tlie surface. Indeed, in the 
 favorable opinion thus formed, Guy Averall was 
 happy to find that the notions of other enlisted men 
 coincided exactly with his own, for they all spoke in 
 praise of their officers, considering them evidently 
 the finest set of young fellows that drew the breath 
 of life at that instant. One evening, for instance, as 
 Guy Averall was walking round the Island, in com- 
 l)any with the old Scotchman whose name has already 
 been mentioned, he enquired the title of the present 
 commandant. 
 
 " Why Captain Le Froy," was the answer " as 
 gallant and polite a gentleman as ever lived. He 
 comes from an old French family, in the State of 
 South Carolina, and has embraced the military pro- 
 fession, from pure ardor and love of country. He 
 graduated very high in West Point, I am told, has an 
 immense amount of scientific and other lore, and is 
 always devising some new improvement in tactical 
 manoeuvres. If a quarrel were to break out with 
 Mexico, or any other foreign country, I'll venture 
 Ito prophesy, that Le Froy, line officer although he 
 now is, will be a full Brigadier-General before many 
 months are over." 
 
 " And the Lieutenants of our Company, who are 
 they?" 
 
 " The senior, a very good man by the way. is at 
 present absent on detached service ; those present 
 are two young gentlemen, recent graduates of West 
 Point, the name of the one is George F. Spruce, and 
 the name of the other is Theophilus Z. Taper, Esq., 
 both as handsome and polite young men, as ever 
 wore shoe leather. The knowledge that these officers 
 
I02 Giiy Ave rail. 
 
 have is immense. Calculus, the science and art of 
 war, grand strategy, and the most recondite princi- 
 ples of engineering, are all on their finger ends like 
 so many chopsticks. For one thing, however, I will 
 give them credit ; namely, that they are both excel- 
 lent drill instructors, as indeed most of our young 
 officers are ; and in a couple of years, when they get 
 rid of their lady love notions, and have a little more 
 practical experience of us rough soldiers, they will 
 both become very useful and valuable men." 
 
 " The course of training at West Point is quite a 
 severe test ; at least so I have been led from news- 
 paper stories to believe," said Guy. 
 
 " In a certain sense it is," was the answer. " Of 
 course it is purely technical, as is the case in all mili- 
 tary colleges, yet to master it thoroughly, in the four 
 or five years allotted to study, requires both capacity 
 and considerable powers of application. The moral 
 training at West Point is also, in my opinion, much 
 superior to that which prevails in most American 
 colleges, where the students prevaricate, and play 
 dirty, nasty litle tricks on each other, in a way that is 
 almost beyond belief. I shrewdly suspect, however, 
 as far as West Point is concerned, that while great 
 credit is due a portion of each class, for their techni- 
 cal skill, another section, per contra, are extremely 
 slip-shod in their acquirements. It is the old story 
 of the really good student, and the one who has just 
 sufficient ability to pass. Why it is only a few days 
 since I had to show a West Point man how to per- 
 form a very common arithmetical computation. The 
 case, no doubt, was an exceptional one, and yet the 
 circumstance in itself served to suggest, either that 
 
Guv Ave rail. 103 
 
 the mind of this functionary was not much given to 
 exact formula ; or else that a very large portion of 
 that mathematical lore, on which so much care is ex- 
 pended, is very soon forgotten after the student leaves 
 the Academy." 
 
 " Are young men ever sent to West Point through 
 family influence ?" said Guy, who really was then 
 ignorant of the usual mode of appointment, 
 
 " My dear young friend," was the answer," this 
 thing of a family possessing hereditary influence, in 
 political affairs is one of your wild uncultivated 
 notions, and is almost entirely unknown in America. 
 Even an Adams or a Washington, could hardly rally 
 at the present time a score of followers, by virtue of 
 his name, with us personal merit, or perhaps I should 
 say personal exertions at election time are every thing ; 
 and since each representative in Congress is vested 
 with the power of nominating the cadet to which his 
 district is entitled, the appointment is made from 
 political considerations alone. Hence the young 
 aspirant for military honors may belong to a family 
 in which mental culture is hereditary ; or on the con- 
 trary he may belong to one in which the opposite is 
 the case. But in either contingency his treatment is 
 precisely the same as at the Military Academy, once 
 he is admitted there ; indeed I know an instance, 
 which occured not long ago, Avhere the son of a great 
 millionaire, was at the foot of his class, and as a con- 
 sequence was consigned to the Infantry; while the 
 son of a working miller graduated first and became 
 an Engineer. This is all as it should be, and is cer- 
 tainly an improvement on the usages which obtain in 
 other departments of public life. Further than this, 
 
T04 Guy Averall. 
 
 the number of men under military rule is sufficiently- 
 large to constitute a society, with its own code of 
 propriety and usages, and to this code, which is in 
 the main I think, an honorable one, all the members 
 are bound by general opinion to conform. Among 
 the officers of the Army we have occasionally one, it 
 is true, who now and then ventures on some extra- 
 ordinary thing; but these wild birds, as a general 
 rule, are not found among those who graduate in a 
 regular way. The deficiency then falls upon the 
 other subdivision who receive commissions ; I mean, 
 of course, those appointed from civil life ; for as to 
 the few persons at present promoted from the ranks, 
 their number is so small as to be left entirely out of 
 the count. In our political system, indeed, promo- 
 tion from the ranks, in ordinary circumstances is 
 almost an impossibility." 
 
 " Then Hogan was merely quizzing me when he 
 stated that any well-conducted youth, who enlisted 
 in the United States Army, might ultimately expect 
 to reach the position of Brigadier General," re- 
 marked Guy. 
 
 " I imagine so," was the answer. 
 Just at that instant, in the shade of the evening, 
 two nice little dandified fellows passed Guy, and 
 commenced humming an air which Master Averall did 
 not very well understand, but which seemed to have 
 the words, "cigars " and "cogniac," mixed together, 
 pell mell, with each other, and which he afterwards 
 understood ran in the following way : 
 
 When we march into a country town. 
 Prudes may fly from us, and dames may frown, 
 But that's absurd. 
 
Guy Averall. 105 
 
 When we march away, we leave beliind, 
 Prudes and dames who've been vastly kind, 
 Pray take my word. 
 
 Off, off, we go and say we're on duty. 
 Smoke our cigars, or flirt with some new beauty, 
 Vive, vive Tamour ! cigars and cogniac ! 
 Hurrah ! hurrah boys ! Vive le bivouac ! 
 
 As they passed him, Guy touched his cap to the 
 young officers, and then asked his friend who they 
 were, and was told in reply that they were neither 
 more than less, than his own Lieutenants ; Messrs. 
 Spruce and Taper, now out on an evening stroll. 
 Guy paid them the compliment of being very hand- 
 some fellows, and then added that with such officers 
 in the rear of his company, and the good Captain 
 Daisy in front, he felt certain the honor of the ser- 
 vice would be upheld on each and every occasion. 
 But hardly were these words out of his mouth, when 
 two more officers passed him, one of whom he no- 
 ticed was swearing quite violently " by Jupiter," that 
 they might all talk as they pleased, but he understood 
 more about military law, and the theory and practice 
 of general court martials than all the other officers 
 in the service put together, Guy looked at this in- 
 dividual very attentively, while giving him the cus- 
 tomary salute, and then asked who his serene high- 
 ness might be, who spoke of himself in such mild and 
 modest terms. 
 
 "Why is it possible, sir, that you don't know!" 
 was the response. " That, sir, is the greatest genius 
 in the whole wide world, under guise of a Second 
 
io6 Guy Averall. 
 
 Lieutenant. He is a citizen appointment recentl;' 
 made. His name is Blodgett." 
 
 IV. 
 
 Master Averall kept cogitating on the informa- 
 tion thus furnished, for some time ; and to say the truth 
 it rather upset some of the notions he hitherto had 
 entertained concerning promotion in the Army. "I 
 see the case plainly," said he, "that confounded 
 scribbling fellow has indeed been making fun of me, 
 when he mentioned the word Brigadier after I met 
 him in Newark. Still, five years is not the whole of 
 one's lifetime; and provided I am dissatisfied with 
 the service, it is easy to leave it, on the expiration of 
 my enlistment. Meanwhile, it will cost nothing to 
 behave myself properly ; and that under all circum- 
 stances I am resolved to do. One thing, however, I 
 hardly approve of; the nonsensical baggy clothes 
 which they issue to recruits at this place ; confound 
 it, was the author and finisher of the habiliments in 
 which I am at present encased, in dread that Guy 
 Averall should feel snobbish In the suit .? Just look at 
 these trowsers — they have seats in them big enough 
 for a couple of men ! And this jacket too — I im- 
 agine the pattern by which it was cut must have 
 been neither more nor less than a meal sack ! Well, 
 well, in a few weeks, at the very farthest, I'll get a 
 brand new uniform from the tailor, and never mind, 
 Private Averall of the gallant Twenty-sixth, will yet 
 be as handsomely dressed a young fellow, as ever 
 found place in the Regiment." And following out 
 the idea thus enunciated, our friend, in due time, ap- 
 peared in trim uniform, and inwardly vowed that for 
 
Guy Aver all. 107 
 
 the future he would present a picture of neatness, and 
 good order, such as would do credit to that particular 
 organization of which he found an integral part. 
 
 But while improving his outward appearance in 
 the way described, Guy Averall did not neglect his , 
 manners, by any means, and in forming these, he 
 found very material assistance by observing the habits 
 and customs of the better instructed portion of the 
 community, with whom his lot was cast. One day it 
 was rumored that some of the officers were going 
 over to New York City, a boat's crew was in requisi- 
 tion, and as Guy had the reputation of being a good, 
 stout, healthy recruit, he was ordered out for that 
 purpose. Hogan was designated as coxswain, and 
 with that worthy at their head, the party sallied out, 
 got the port barge in readiness, and drawing it along- 
 side the principal wharf they quietly waited for the 
 passengers. 
 
 They were not long in coming — the two young 
 graduates singing their song about " vive 1' amour '' 
 and " cogniac," as usual, while behind them appeared 
 the irrepressible Blodgett, running at full speed. As 
 soon as the latter approached the boat, it became 
 fBlnfuUy evident that neither his linen nor his coat 
 was of the neatest ; but who in the world pays any 
 attention to such a trifling circumstance as a clean 
 shirt, when he happens to encounter a man of genius.? 
 As Blodgett approached, both Lieutenants cast a 
 somewhat reproachful glance at their irregular look- 
 ing associate ; but Blodgett, scatterbrain animal that 
 he was, did not apparently pay much attention to 
 these indications of dislike, for as soon as he got on 
 board the boat he began to talk 
 
io8 Guy Averall. 
 
 " Gad, Spruce — almost too late — just in time how- 
 ever. Have been very busy this morning. Studied 
 a little tactics at first, and then turned my thoughts to 
 electricity. Have just been inventing the greatest 
 machine that ever was known ; it will run by means 
 of a galvanic battery, and I prophesy that before five 
 years are over, it will revolutionize the whole of 
 Europe and America. Worked it all out in my head 
 last night, while awake in bed, and reduced it to 
 paper in an hour and a half this morning. Will show 
 the whole thing to you, as soon as we come back 
 from the city, and if you don't acknowledge it is the 
 most perfect invention of the kind, I'll give you my 
 head for a halfpenn}'." The other officers still 
 glanced at Blodgett, as he thrust his greasy looking 
 fingers, through his fiery wisps of hair, and inwardly 
 wished that the electrican would discard inventions 
 for the present, and pay a little attention to the rules 
 of ordinary neatness. But who, as we said before, can 
 account for the aberrations of genius ? 
 
 After a pull -of some fifteen or twenty minutes, 
 the boat reached the wharf, when the officers started 
 up town, having previously given orders for the crew 
 to remain at the landing, and Guy, in the absenceWt 
 anything more important, purchased a newspaper, sat 
 down on the steps, at whose foot the barge was 
 moored, and began to read. Meanwhile the bard 
 Hogan, having stuck his cap on one side of his head, 
 saw proper to observe, that one officer might speak 
 of " cigars " and " cognaic " ; and another might ex- 
 patiate on the wonders of electricity ; but for his part 
 there was only one subject which troubled him at that 
 instant. 
 
Guy Ave rail. 109 
 
 "What is that?" said Guy. 
 
 "The real nature of beans." And hereupon the 
 clerk burst into one of those absurd rhapsodies in 
 which he now and then saw fit to indulge, mention- 
 ing among other things, that both Theophrastus and 
 Pliny had recommended the bean very highly as a 
 proper eatable, that Horace, anticipating no doubt 
 the fare of the United States soldier, had spoken of 
 beans and fat pork as an article of diet, and it was 
 undoubtedly from reading the line faba Fyt/iagorce 
 cognata and so forth, that the Commissary General of 
 Subsistence, gave three-quarters of a pound of pork, 
 and two and a half ounces of beans, more or less per 
 diem, to each young Artilleryman, and commanded 
 him to eat accordingly. But in the midst of this 
 dessertation Guy Averall glanced toward the head of 
 the wharf ; and there, wonderful to relate, he espied 
 the image of his own Captain, while in front of that 
 officer walked the self-same lady who had puzzled 
 him by her questions, some three months previous, 
 when at work in the corn field ; armed, as usual, with 
 a big cotton umbrella. Guy would willingly have ex- 
 tended kis observation, especially as the lady seemed 
 to be engaged in earnest conversation with the gay 
 and festive Taper, who accompained her down the 
 wharf, and who bowed and smiled at every word 
 which his protectress uttered. But on a sudden, up 
 came Hogan, who in a very unceremonious manner 
 took hold of Guy's unmentionables, and jerked him 
 into the boat, with an expression the reverse of cere- 
 monious. " Get out of the way, get out of the way 
 confoimd it," said he, *' else the whole crew will be 
 exposed to the glance of the Brigadier General." 
 
no Guy Aver all. 
 
 " The who ! " exclaimed Guy, somewhat puzzled 
 at this movement on the part of the bard. 
 
 ** Why, Mrs. Daisy," Avas the answer, " confound 
 it, don't you see her coming down on the top of us. I 
 understand her like a book. If she happens to 
 notice a single soldier loitering about the wharf, we ail 
 know our destiny. She will order us away, on some 
 fool expedition or other, and we possibly won't get 
 back to our quarters till nightfall." 
 
 " Is that really her custom?" asked Averall. 
 
 " Of course it is," was the rejoinder. "Get out 
 of the way at once, else she'll be down on us in five 
 minutes." 
 
 In a few seconds after this, the sound of footsteps 
 could be heard overhead ; and Mrs. Daisy, for such 
 she really was, seemed engaged in earnest conversa- 
 tion with her protege. And certainly if the Brigadier 
 was patronizing and inquisitive when addressing a 
 *' young peasant " at Avork in the fields ; she surely 
 was not a whit less benignant when speaking to a 
 subaltern of Artillery, for the conversation between 
 Mrs. Daisy and the young officer, was carried on in 
 the following style. 
 
 " Oh Mr. Taper ! Mr. Taper ! you're so handsome 
 this morning ! How delighted I am to see you. I 
 just brought you down to the end of the wharf, so 
 that I might ask a few questions. I always take a 
 certain interest in any one connected with the Island. 
 How are you all over there. Plow is that dear man 
 the Doctor.? And how is that excellent soldier, the 
 Ordnance Sergeant, and how are his two children, 
 Alice and Jane } How is the cook in the Hospital, 
 and how is the sutler's secretary, and how is every- 
 
Guy Ave rail. 1 1 1 
 
 body else at ihe Fori ? All well you say — my dear 
 Mr. Taper I'm so glad to hear that. I never interest 
 myself about the affairs of a garrison — never, never, as 
 you well know — all I do is to simply ask for the few 
 friends I have in the army, and once I find they are 
 well I remain content. As to the management of the 
 military department, I leave all that to the proper 
 authorities, to the officer in charge of the guard ; to 
 the surgeon as guardian of the sick ; to the sutler as 
 vender of bread, butter and cheese ; and to my own 
 husband, as commandant of the station, the best and 
 dearest man that ever existed. Is not that so Tom .?" 
 
 "Don't know," was the answer on the part of 
 Captain Daisy, who at the same time took occasion 
 to rub the end of his nose with one hand, as if he had 
 heard that particular phrase about the ' best and 
 dearest man ' so very often, that the words to him 
 had really lost all particular significance. 
 
 " I have been wandering round the world to the 
 sound of the drum," continued Mrs. Daisy, "for the 
 last eighteen years, packing up my knapsack whenever 
 I was told, and camping wherever the law would al- 
 low me, and during all that time I have never had 
 occasion to find fault with my own good husband — 
 no never, never, for a single instance. He took me 
 very young and very early, I never was in love with 
 any one but him, and to him my heart has since been 
 resigned on each and every occasion. But where are 
 all the soldiers by the way — the poor dear children. I 
 just came here to hunt them up, so that all of us 
 might have a little excursion among the vessels of the 
 harbor. Would you not like, Mr. Taper, to proceed 
 down the bay. for a little distance, just by way of di- 
 
112 Guy Averall. 
 
 vertisement ? Do you know I have the greatest curi- 
 osity to see one thing — an oyster boat. I wish to see 
 how people on oyster boats live, and ascertain beside 
 if the bivalves in their original state are the same sort 
 of animal that is usually set before one in the city. 
 Does not that strike you as a proper subject for en- 
 quiry." 
 
 " Why no, I don't see why it should be a subject 
 for enquiry at all," said Taper. Indeed I never heard 
 that the point was doubted." 
 
 "Well then we'll say the point is not doubted, but 
 even granting this much, I am nevertheless resolved 
 to have my excursion. I hold it to be the true and 
 undeniable right of any woman, who follows her hus- 
 band in the Army as I do, to insist on all reasonable 
 indulgences in a general way, provided of course they 
 do not involve too much expense or fatigue to those 
 directly interested." 
 
 "I declare, I never thought of that," said Taper. 
 "I'll go with you madam, after oysters or anything 
 else." 
 
 " I'm so glad to hear you express your willingness 
 'to do so," responded the lady, "for do you know 
 what, I have been arguing the same point into my own 
 dear Tom, for the last half hour, and he still seems 
 as unwilling to subscribe to my notions as ever." 
 
 " I'm very much surprised to hear that," said 
 Taper, who spoke at, the same time with a truly en- 
 gaging smile. 
 
 " My good Tom is a very excellent man," continued 
 the lady, " and I love and obey him as a wife and 
 helpmate ought to do, still there are some theoretical 
 subjects, such as oysters, on which we occasionally 
 
Guy Ave rail. u^ 
 
 differ. Still, in the present case I have no doubt that 
 Major Daisy will accede to my wishes. If we only 
 had those dear children, the soldiers, we could all 
 start off at once, make our examination, and then I 
 could return in a seasonable hour to the city, where I 
 am engaged at present in the study of general science 
 French, literature and painting. I wonder, by the' 
 way, where the men are— up Washington Street, I 
 suppose, in some of the filthy places where they sell 
 that abominable whiskey. Do you know, I really 
 never understood what soldiers did with their money, 
 till one evening, a few weeks ago, my principal cook 
 saw proper to inform me that after pay day, they fre- 
 quently get drunk, and then the poor dear children 
 are thrust into the guard house, and are subsequently 
 tried by genuine court martial," 
 
 " I'm somewhat surprised you did not know that 
 much before," was the immediate answer on the part 
 of the officer. 
 
 " How could I though," was the reply. " You 
 understand I never, never concern myself in the affairs 
 of a garrison. My home and my husband are the only 
 objects that possess any interest to me, and in my 
 opinion that is all any woman, with a well-regulated 
 mind, should think about. I was brought up in the 
 lap of luxury, as everyone knows, but when I met 
 Tom I surrendered it all for his sake." 
 
 " Only what we should expect from your good- 
 ness of heart," was the reply with a bow. 
 
 *• Oh my dear Mr. Taper, my dear Mr. Taper," 
 said the lady, "don't talk in that way, or you really 
 will expose to a cruel world my dearest and best af- 
 fcctions. In some respects my situation when young, 
 
LI 4"^ Guy Averall. 
 
 was very unfortunate, for I was never denied anything 
 that I desired or wanted. I could go to the largest 
 and best furnished store on Broadway, ordered what- 
 ever I wished for, and all I know, in addition, was 
 simply this — the bills were sent to our home on 
 Twenty-Fifth Avenue, and poor dear papa would in- 
 stantly settle them all. I don't have many luxuries 
 in the Army just now, for Tom and I are too poor for 
 that, still I glory in the uniform that my husband 
 wears, and would follow him from one end of the 
 world to the other." 
 
 " Oh mother of Moses," said Hogan at that in- 
 stant, sotto voce, " if ever there was a persecuted 
 mortal in this world, the same good natured Tom is 
 the individual. Well, well, this will all do as part of 
 my essay on beans. But thunder and turf here she 
 comes. She will soon find us out under the wharf." 
 
 " Where are the children, where are the children" 
 continued Mrs. Daisy. " I declare I must look for 
 them down here below." And in a few seconds, the 
 somewhat stout looking pedestal of the Brigadier, was 
 seen descending the steps toward the place where the 
 boat lay concealed, and shortly afterwards the lady's 
 own melodious voice was heard, giving the customary 
 salute. " Oh Hogan, Hogan, I'm so glad to see you. 
 And how are the rest of the children, and how is the 
 cook at the Hospital, and how is the sutler's secre- 
 tary, and how are you all on the Island. All well ! 
 glad to hear that!" Then the crew were ordered to 
 bring out the barge, the party got into it, and direc- 
 tions were next given to let the oars fall. In due time 
 they reached the object of the Brigadier's solicitude, 
 an old schooner lying up the East River, when Mrs. 
 
Guy Aver all. 115 
 
 Daisy went on board, and after worrying the life out 
 of the commander of the craft, in regard to the real 
 nature of acephals, she finally bade him adieu. Then 
 other Captains and other oyster boats had to be 
 visited, Mrs. Daisy climbing over the bulwarks in a 
 very suitable manner, and questioning and examining 
 as before. Meanwhile, the men began to feel the 
 pangs of hunger, but still the gallant Brigadier con- 
 tinued her persecutions, for several ships in the harbor 
 had to be next seen. That brig from Genoa must be 
 boarded ; that barge from Monte Video, with the 
 beautiful ensign must be approached ; finally an in- 
 spection must be made of that old schooner, from Key 
 West, which had a load of sponges on board. In the 
 end, however, the lady was forced to give up her ex- 
 amination ; and then with strong arms but empty 
 stomachs, the crew pulled back to the Island. 
 
 V. 
 
 In a week or two after this adventure, the recruit- 
 ing rendezvous at Newark was broken up ; and Cap- 
 tain Le Froy having been ordered to take charge of 
 the Light Battery belonging to the Regiment at 
 another station ; his successor, the good and amiable 
 Major Daisy, assumed command of the military es- 
 tablishment at Fort Columbus. His wife, of course, 
 accompanied him, and as soon as she arrived on the 
 Island, her presence was instantly felt ; for a number 
 of men from each of the companies, then in garrison, 
 were sent to the quarters of the commanding officer, 
 so as to assist in cleaning rooms, Avhitewashing entries, 
 putting down carpets, and other work of a similar 
 nature. In all these operations, it may be noted, our 
 
Ii6 Guy Ave7-all. 
 
 friend Averall bore an honorable part ; and acquitted 
 himself in this work with more than ordinary ability. 
 As to Mrs. Daisy, just then, she was as gracious as 
 any person in the Army could possibly be ; indeed on 
 one occasion, she was pleased to recognize the hero 
 of this narrative as the "agriculturalist" she once 
 saw on the farm in New Jersey ; and then after styling 
 our friend a " fine young recruit " she hoped he long 
 would remain in that regiment with which she and 
 her husband were so closely connected. 
 
 Being now a member of a regular command, Guy 
 Averall had an excellent opportunity of observing the 
 usual routine of garrison life. In reorganizing, 
 Messrs. Spruce and Taper still remained as Lieu- 
 tenants with Company " E " ; that model soldier, 
 Ernest Heidenrick, held his position as First Ser- 
 geant ; Sullivan was made full Corporal, the phrenolo- 
 gist Peterson was detailed as Hospital Steward ; such 
 other non-commissioned officers, as were then ap- 
 pointed were selected from the old soldiers belonging 
 to the organization. At the same time, the former 
 list of calls was continued in the Garrison ; which as 
 near as can be recollected ran in the following way : 
 
 Reveille, ...... Day Break, 
 
 Fatigue, . . . Immediately after Reveille. 
 
 Breakfast 6:45 A.M. 
 
 Surgeon's Call, .... 7:00 A.M. 
 
 First Call for Guard Mount, . . 8:15 A.M. 
 
 Guard Mount 8:30 a.m. 
 
 Drill 9:30 A.M. 
 
 Recall from Drill lliooA.M. 
 
 Dinner and 1st Sergeant's Call, . , i2:oo M. 
 
 Fatigue i:oo'p.m. 
 
 Recall from Fatigue, .... 4:00 p.m. 
 
 Drill for Recruits and Awkward Soldiers, Same Hour. 
 
 Recall from Drill, .... 5:00 P.M. 
 
Guy Ave rail. 117 
 
 Parade, 1st Call, . 30 minutes before Sundown. 
 
 Retreat, ..... At Sundown. 
 
 Tattoo 9:00 P.M. 
 
 Taps, 9:15 P.M. 
 
 This list of signals explains itself sufficiently ; and 
 will enable any one who is versed in military matters 
 to understand how the day at Fort Columbus was 
 passed. To those who are novices in such affairs we 
 might explain that in a regular garrison the most in- 
 significant transaction seems sufficient to evoke some- 
 thing of that pomp, pride and circumstance on which 
 the soldier doats ; and hence the bugle, or drum and 
 fife are in constant requisition. The reveille obliges 
 the men to get up, the tattoo to lie down ; the fatigue 
 call to go out to work ; the doctor's call to report 
 to the Post Surgeon. Then there are calls for going 
 to meals ; calls for coming away from meals ; calls 
 for going to church, calls for returning from church, 
 and numberless other calls beside ; but to extend the 
 list any further would simply be worse than useless. 
 As an excuse for these, however, as well as for that 
 severe and somewhat ceremonious discipline which 
 obtains in the Army, let us quote the words of the 
 great Shakspeare : 
 
 Degree being vizarded. 
 The unworthiest shows as fairly in the mask, 
 The heavens themselves ; the planets and this centre. 
 Observe degree, priority, and place, 
 Insisture, course, proportion, season, form. 
 Office and custom, in all line of order ; 
 And therefore is the glorious planet, Sol, 
 In noble eminence enthroned and sphered 
 Among the others ; whose med'cinable eye 
 Corrects the ill aspects of planets evil. 
 And posts, like the commandments of a king. 
 Sans check, to good and bad. 
 
1 1 o Gi/y Aver all. 
 
 But enough on this subject — let us here end the 
 quotation and say that on Governor's Island, just as 
 in Newark, the good and amiable Heidenrick pre- 
 served his urbane manners on every possible occasion. 
 One morning Guy Averall made arrangements with 
 his chum Moldwell, for a day's absence, so as to visit 
 New York city. A pass was accordingly written and 
 presented to Captain Daisy, by the ist Sergeant of 
 the Company, when the latter carried in what is tech- 
 nically known as the "morning report." As the Cap- 
 tain seldom refused an indulgence of the kind, unless 
 indeed he, or Mrs. Daisy, required the performance 
 of some job of work around his own quarters, the 
 permission was accordingly signed, and in due time 
 was handed to the applicants. Guy and his friend 
 now began to felicitate themselves on a day's enjoy- 
 men'; in the city ; but just as they were ready to start, 
 Sergeant Heidenrick came into the room, in a great 
 hurry, and said "your bass is revoked — yoifr bass is 
 revoked — I vants you fellers to get ready for inspec- 
 tion. Dere is a Sheneral here from Ni York to-day, to 
 inspect the command — all the basses are revoked, and 
 no one is to leave the Island till it all is over. Hurry 
 up, hurry up, donner und blitzen as quick as you 
 can, and get everything in order." The usual com- 
 motion that exists under such an announcement now 
 began ; the cook commenced putting things to rights 
 in the kitchen ; the non-commissioned officers, in 
 charge of squads, gave directions as to the cleaning 
 of their respective rooms ; here one private Avas 
 sweeping a pile of dust into a hall ; there another 
 was pushing a torrent of black dirty water down a 
 stairway, by means of a broom ; yonder, a dormitory. 
 
Cw/V Ave rail. 
 
 19 
 
 having undergone its purgation, the occupants were 
 walking around in bare feet, some engaged in whiten- 
 ing a set of belts, others in rubbing a musket with 
 buffstick and emery, while probably the Corporal in 
 charge amused himself by shouting every now and 
 then to some unlucky wight that happened to approach 
 the sacred precincts, in dirty boots. " Oh blast yir 
 soul, take those things off your trotters, don't ye 
 see the place is clain." Meanwhile Sergeant Heiden- 
 rick, as if fully conscious of his burdens, was all 
 anxiety that Company " E " should present as neat 
 an appearance as possible. He accordingly went 
 round in every direction, giving orders as to the 
 police of the place, here he detects a pair of old 
 shoes in their hiding place ; yonder a pair of socks 
 is discovered secreted in a bunk ; anon a couple of 
 blankets are noticed as improperly folded, and so on 
 to the end of the chapter. Next the Sergeant has a 
 word or two with Hogan, as to having the Company 
 records all ready ; afterwards the cook in the 
 kitchen is reminded that a certain set of knives and 
 forks, purchased from the savings o'f the Company 
 some six months previous, and which are usually kept 
 at the bottom of the mess chest, wrapped up in an 
 old shirt, should now be laid on the table, as if for 
 every day use. At length everything is completed ; 
 the squad rooms, office, and dining hall look suffi- 
 ciently fine ; Sergeant Heidenrick's mind is at rest, 
 so he dons his parade uniform and belts, puts on a 
 pair of white gloves, takes his musket in hand, in a 
 few minutes after this the '* assembly " is beaten, and 
 the order is given to " fall in." 
 
 Well, as we have advanced thus far, and as these 
 
.720 Guy Averall. 
 
 minute details of garrison life may possibly interest 
 some who are not soldiers, we may as well complete 
 our description of this ceremony. The words " fall 
 in," having been enunciated, the men belonging to 
 Company " E " now form in line, in front of their 
 quarters, and are arranged according to size, so that 
 the tallest man and tallest Corporal should be on the 
 right ; and the smallest man, and smallest Corporal 
 on the left. The command " in two ranks form com- 
 pany " is next given, which is executed by each per- 
 son in succession taking alternately the place of a 
 front and a rear rank man. Next the roll is called* 
 when each soldier answers his name, and brings his 
 piece to an " order "; after all this is over we have a 
 " rest," and an " attention " — the last command being 
 given on the approach of the good Captain Daisy, 
 going out to the parade ground, who strange to say, is 
 armed cap-a-pie, as a soldier should be, with both of 
 his epaulets actually on. Soon the band is heard, 
 and Mr. Spruce, as superior to Taper in point of 
 rank,takes charge of the Company, the word "shoulder 
 arms " is given, the Company is marched out, takes 
 its place in line, is " dressed " by its commander, and 
 brought to a " support arms," the irrepressible Blod- 
 gett as Adjutant takes his place on the right of the 
 battalion, and after waiting there for some little time 
 the work of inspection now begins. 
 
 The first feature in this part of the programme is 
 the approach of the inspecting officer, and without 
 disparagement to present inspectors let us say, that a 
 finer, or more noble-looking, fat, plethoric old fellow 
 than the one in sight, probably never stood in front 
 of a Regiment. Then Captain Daisy as post com- 
 
Guy Aver all. 12I 
 
 mander draws near ; the Adjutant brings the bat- 
 talion to a "present," and reports it formed, after- 
 wards he takes his place in line, Captain Daisy draws 
 his sword and exclaims " prepare for review — to the 
 rear open order— march." The ranks are then 
 opened, another " present " takes place, followed by 
 a "carry arms," and the inspecting general, in com- 
 pany with the commanding ofificer approaches the 
 right of the line. Then the band strikes up some 
 martial tune, such as " See the conquering hero 
 comes," as if to signalize the achievements of the 
 warlike personages then present. This part of the 
 ceremony being accomplished, we have the words 
 " close-order march ; companies right wheel, march." 
 Then the column, in due form, steps off ; and the re- 
 quirements of Scott on the subject of reviews are im- 
 plicitly followed. Next the column trots around, 
 once more, in double time, fat officers puffing, lame 
 officers halting, and young and gallant officers shining 
 in all their glory. After all, the companies are 
 wheeled into line, then comes another " present," 
 then a " carry," then a " wheel," v/ith other directions 
 too numerous to mention. Finally the real work of 
 inspection begins. The " Ni York General " conies to 
 the first company, looks at its arms and equipments, 
 afterwards arms are stacked, knapsacks are unslung, 
 and examined, and after being again repacked, the 
 arms are once more taken, and the company is 
 marched back to its quarters. Here another exami- 
 nation takes place, when bunks, bedding, cooking 
 utensils and company records all undergo a scrutiny. 
 The inspecting officer may then offer, if he sees fit, a 
 word of comment on the appearance of the garrison, 
 
122 Guy Aver all. 
 
 but if the contray should be the case, the circumstance 
 is. not noticed. In the present instance Captain Daisy 
 being somewhat of a personal favorite with his su- 
 perior, was fortunate enough to receive a very gen- 
 erous approval ; for the inspecting officer pronounced 
 Company " E," of the Twenty-sixth Artillery, to be in 
 excellent order; its arms well kept; its clothing 
 clean ; its instruction exact ; its discipline good ; and 
 its Captain, as a matter of inference, one of the most 
 energetic and discerning ofificers in the service. This 
 complimentary description puts every one in good 
 humor, the " Ni York General " marches off, telling 
 long stories about the fields and fights in which he 
 participated during the war of 1812, while Guy 
 Averall obtains his pass, and is allowed to visit the 
 city on the following day. 
 
FURTHER PROGRESS. 
 
 I. 
 
 Meanwhile that educational training, on which 
 our young friend was bent, and which he had fully re- 
 solved to accomplish, was not by any means neg- 
 lected. As to history, the subject of course was 
 exhausted in the person of Napoleon ; and as to politi- 
 cal knowledge, Guy Averall, after reading the New 
 York Herald, could really contain no more. Hence 
 it became necessary to seek out some new field of 
 investigation. At this crisis polite literature naturally 
 suggested itself, and Averall finally determined to at- 
 tack the novel. Now novels may be regarded by 
 many as very trifling affairs ; books to be read one 
 day and consigned to their resting place the next ; 
 still, in the present instance our hero contrived to 
 unite the useful and agreeable in a manner which 
 did liim infinite credit. His first purchase in imagi- 
 native literature was a book well calculated to ad- 
 vance his knowledge in that noble profession which 
 he had selected for his career ; for the volume was 
 one which had long been a favorite with both 
 civilians and military men, and was neither more nor 
 less than " Charles O'Malley," the ' Irish Dragoon.' 
 The hero of this book, it is hardly necessary to say, 
 is a most wonderful fellow, he is a gentleman, born in 
 the West of Ireland, where his father is the owner of 
 a landed estate, he joins a regiment of English Cav- 
 123 
 
124 Gt^y AvcralL 
 
 airy, goes out to the Peninsula, fights and is wounded 
 under the Duke of Wellington, encounters the great 
 Napoleon the night before the battle of Waterloo, and 
 finally comes home to the land of his birth, where^ he 
 is duly married to Miss Lucy Dashwood. The plot 
 is not very regular, and some of Charley's adventures 
 are rather improbable, it is true ; but what of that — 
 in company with such personages as W^ebber, or 
 Major Monsoon, or the renowned Mickey Free, can 
 any young reader presume to be hypercritical ? Guy 
 Averall certainly was not, this composition of Doctor 
 Lever's he simply considered the greatest effort of 
 genius that mankind probably ever saw, and only 
 wondered why the united voice of mankind, did not 
 assign to that volume the very highest place in the 
 world's literature. 
 
 The next novel that our friend read, was also by 
 the author of " O'Malley "; and the book beside has 
 this attraction that the principal character in it was a 
 hero after Guy Averall's own heart, while his adven- 
 tures and encounters were not dissimiliar to his own. 
 Con Cregan is a sort of Scapin or Gil Bias, and is in- 
 vested with that interest which belongs to all persons 
 who rise in the world through sheer pluck and perse- 
 verance. His origin is very humble, for his father is 
 nothing but the inhabitant of a little cabin on the 
 border of Meath and Kings County ; yet in spite of 
 this, the subject of the story rises to great eminence; 
 he flirts with Spanish beauties, becomes an officer in 
 Africa hobnobs with ambassadors, and on one occa- 
 sion is honored so far that the Princess de Verneuil, 
 daughter of Louis Phillippe, actually " pours out tea,*' 
 for him in the Tuileries itself. As to that ** pouring 
 
Guy Ave rail. 125 
 
 out tea," it is a stroke of genius, only to be expected 
 from an Irishman, like Doctor Lever ; meanwhile let 
 us assure our readers, that the history of Mr. Cregan 
 is not by any means destitute of a certain touch of 
 humor, now and then, and as to the pathos of the 
 work, let the following passage speak for itself. The 
 father of the hero, it must be premised, was the 
 owner of a small estate on the border of two counties, 
 which circumstance enables him to vote in both lo- 
 calities, without paying taxes in either. The way 
 Mr. Cregan gets possession of the land is character- 
 istic. 
 
 " The farm," says the author, speaking of the 
 place where Con was born, " belonged originally to 
 an old farmer called Harry M'Cabe, that had two 
 sons, who were always fighting with each other, as to 
 who was to have the old man's money. Finally, the 
 younger one, Mat, grew tired of the struggle, and in 
 a fit of disgust started off for Dublin and enlisted. 
 Three weeks after he sailed for India, when the old 
 man, overwhelmed by grief, took to his bed, and never 
 arose from it again. 
 
 " One evening after midnight a knock came to the 
 door of the cabin occupied by Mr. Cregan. * Con 
 Cregan, Con, I say, open the door, were the words 
 heard outside from the mouth of the elder brother. 
 
 * Oh, Mr. Peter, what's the matter ? Is the old 
 man worse ?' said the senior. 
 
 * Faix that's what he is, for he's dead !' 
 
 ' Glory be to his bed, when did it happen V 
 
 * About an hour ago,' said Peter in a voice 
 greatly agitated, ' he died like an old haythen, and 
 never made a will.' 
 
126 Guy Aver all. 
 
 ' That's bad,' said Mr. Cregan, who being a very 
 polite man, never said anything that could possibly 
 offend the present company. 
 
 * It is bad,' said Peter, ' but it would be worse if 
 we couldn't help it. Listen to me. Con ; I want you 
 to assist me in this business, and here is five guineas 
 in gold for you if you do as you are bid. You know 
 you were always reckoned the image of my father ; 
 and before he took ill, you were mistaken for him 
 every day.' 
 
 ' Anan,' said Mr. Cregan, now getting somewhat 
 frightened. 
 
 ' Well, what I want you to do is for to come over 
 to the house and get into bed.' 
 
 ' Not beside the corpse ' said Mr. Cregan tremb- 
 ling ? 
 
 * By no means, but by yourself, and you're to pre- 
 tend to be my father, and that you want to make your 
 will before you die, and then I'll send for the neigh- 
 bors and Billy Scanlin the schoolmaster, and you'll 
 tell him what to write, leaving all the farm and every 
 thing to me, you understand. And as the neighbors 
 will see ye, and hear your voice it will never be be- 
 lieved but it will be himself that did it.' 
 
 "The plan succeeded admirably. Mr. Cregan, 
 senior, got into the bed in due time, the neighbors 
 and Billy Scanlin, the schoolmaster, were sent for, 
 and the old gentleman commenced making his will, 
 the room in which the occurrence took* place being 
 as much darkened as possible. ' I bequeath to my 
 son Peter,' said he, * the whole of my two farms of 
 Killmadooney and Knocksheboora, with the fallow 
 meadows behind Lynches' house, the forge and the 
 
Guy Aver all. 127 
 
 right of turf on the Uooran bog. I give him, and 
 much good may it do him, Launty Casson's acre, and 
 the Laury field, and the limekiln, and that reminds 
 me that my mouth is somewhat dry, so let us have a 
 taste of the jug.' 
 
 * Here the jug was handed to Mr. Cregan, and 
 after he had wet his lips, the poor fellow continued, 
 
 * I leave him — that is Peter, I mean — the two 
 potato gardens at Noolan's well, and it is a fine 
 elegant crop grows there. And hold on, are the 
 neighbors listening, is Peter Scantlan listening ? 
 
 ' Yes, sir ; yes, father, we're all listening ; chorused 
 the audience. 
 
 ' Well then, it is my last will and testament and 
 may — give me the jug — there is poor Con Cregan, as 
 honest and as hard a working man as ever lived, who 
 has a heavy family on his hands. To him I bequeath 
 the little plot, near the cross roads, on which his cot- 
 tage stands, and to his heirs in secula seculorum. Ah ! 
 blessed be the saints after that, it makes one's heart 
 light after he has done a good deed, and now I'll 
 drink all the companies good health and many happy 
 returns " 
 
 " What Mr. Cregan was going to add it is impossi- 
 ble to say, but at this point the son Peter, who was 
 now terribly frightened at the lively tones the sick 
 man began to assume, hustled all the people to 
 another part of the house so that his father might die 
 in peace. 
 
 When all had left, Peter slipped back to Cregan, 
 senior, who at that instant was putting on his brogues. 
 
 * Con,' said he, ' ye did it all well, but shure that 
 
 was a joke about the two acres and a half at the cross.' 
 9 
 
128 Guy Aver all, 
 
 * Of course it was, Peter, ' said he, * shure it was 
 all a joke for the matter of that — won't I make the 
 neighbors laugh heartily when I tell them all about it.' 
 
 * Shure you would not be mean enough to betray 
 nic ?' said Peter, trembling with fright. 
 
 ' Shure you would not be main enough to go against 
 yir father's dying words ' And hef e a sly laugh suc- 
 ceeded that was perfectly intelligible. 
 
 ' Very well, Con,' said Peter, ' a bargain is a bar- 
 gain. You are a deep fellow that is all' And so the 
 matter ended while Mr. Cregan became possessed of 
 the property." 
 
 ***** 
 
 Such was the story as told by the novelist, and 
 which Guy Averall, all devouring reader as he then 
 was, swallowed Avith much satisfaction. Some persons 
 may possibly object that if our friend were a real 
 hero, as he pretends to be, his reading matter ought 
 to have been more choice at this epoch, that young 
 men of his age are expected to know something of 
 the longs and the shorts in trimeter catalectic verse, 
 and as to that particle av it should not have been so 
 much neglected. Perhaps not, for the said particle 
 is a very important syllable in its way, still are there 
 not enough young men in the world who make them- 
 selves familiar with its use, year after year, without 
 dragging the principal personage of our story into 
 the category ? 
 
 II. 
 
 But reading Con Cregan was not the only enor- 
 mity which Guy Averall committed at this time — 
 still worse than that, he was guilty of violating the 
 police regulations of Fort Columbus, and as a conse- 
 
Guy Aver all. 129 
 
 quence was committed in due form to durance vile. 
 And thereby hangs a tale. In the first place it may- 
 be stated our hero again fell in love. It was not a 
 very deep fall, still it was a fall for all that — the object 
 of his affections being neither more nor less than a 
 certain Miss Kitty Traynor, niece of one of the mu- 
 sicians who made her home with her uncle and aunt 
 in that series of decayed, one-story houses, appro- 
 priated to the use of enlisted men, and which is 
 known as Rotten Row by the various residents of the 
 Island. As to Miss Kitty, she was acknowledged to 
 be the prettiest girl in the garrison ; she had black 
 laughing eyes, and sweet cherry lips, and teeth that 
 looked like so many pearls, with a figure as lithe and 
 graceful as Hebe herself. Indeed, the only fault that 
 could possibly be found with Miss Kitty was possibly 
 this, that like a good many other persons belonging 
 to her sex, the young lady was something of a 
 coquette. Guy fell the victim of her sly glances the 
 very first time he met her, and forthwith began play- 
 ing the dearly devoted to this belle of Fort Columbus ; 
 but before many evenings he made the awkward dis- 
 covery that he had a rival in the person of a certain 
 Private Lawless, a member of Company " E," who 
 was then acknowledged to be the most handsome man 
 of his rank, on the whole Island. The history of 
 Lawless, at that time, was sufficiently well known. 
 Like Averall himself he was a native of Ireland, had 
 enlisted in the English Cavalry, remained a while 
 there, deserted thence, and was now a member of the 
 same Company in which Guy was serving. The lat- 
 ter considered him a man of exceedingly irregular 
 habits, and somewhat unprincipled withal, but what 
 
130 Guy Aver all. 
 
 of that — the fellow was good-looking ; while the smil- 
 ing face and black silken locks which he habitually 
 wore, seemed to produce an effect on Miss Kitty that 
 could not be resisted. Still the young lady did not 
 discard Guy entirely, spite of that ; indeed, she gave 
 him a little encouragement now and then, as if to 
 sustain his hopes, and on the whole held the balance 
 of power pretty evenly between the two rivals. But 
 at this particular juncture an untoward event took 
 place as far as Guy's hopes were concerned, for his 
 opponent was made a Corporal. The fact of the 
 matter was that both the subalterns, while on drill, 
 had frequently noticed the erect, soldier-like bearing 
 of Lawless, and his " about face " and " carry arms " 
 were so much superior to these evolutions when exe- 
 cuted by other recruits, that they instantly determined 
 to advance him. So away they both posted to the 
 good Captain Daisy, and opened their case ; and 
 Captain Daisy, as in honor bound, was graciously 
 pleased to receive their suggestion. "Well," said 
 that functionary, speaking as usual through his nose, 
 " if Lawless is a goot ban, and you really think he 
 will discharge the duties required,' I'll bake him 
 Corporal." 
 
 " He is one of the most intelligent and capable 
 soldiers, I ever saw," said Taper, who acted as prin- 
 cipal spokesman on the occasion. 
 
 " Very well, I'll bake him Corporal. Mrs. Daisy 
 what do you say to that.? Don't you think it would 
 be a goot idea to bake Lawless a Corporal .?" 
 
 " I'he dear, sweet child !" exclaimed Mrs. Daisy. 
 "I'm very glad indeed to hear you suggest it. Why 
 Lawless is the most polite soldier that ever I knew. 
 
Guy Aver all. 131 
 
 Indeed, it was only the other day, as I was entering 
 the garrison when the child was on duty as sentinel. 
 As soon as I came within the customary distance, he 
 immediately brought his musket to a ''present," and 
 he remained in that position too, till I had returned 
 the acknowledgement. Now any one who is so gal- 
 lant and well behaved as Lawless evidently is, de- 
 serves promotion most certainly, in my opinion." 
 
 " I'll bake him, I'll bake him," exclaimed the 
 eager Captain Daisy. And sure enough that very 
 same evening an order was read on parade, which 
 made the formal announcement that Private Patrick 
 Lawless was hereby appointed a Corporal in Com- 
 pany " E," Twenty-sixth Artillery, and was to be 
 obeyed and respected accordingly. 
 
 Now Guy Averall, although a good enough fellow 
 in his way, was not a perfect paragon in all respects ; 
 and if the truth must be told, he felt a momentary 
 annoyance at the promotion of Lawless, not on ac- 
 count of the advancement in itself, for that was a 
 thing of minor importance, but for the advantage it 
 might possibly give his rival in pressing his suit. But 
 this feeling only lasted for a second ; a moment's re- 
 flection, indeed, served to convince Guy that it was 
 perfectly competent for the officers of his Company 
 to promote any member of it that they chose ; and 
 if Miss Kitty Traynor was such an enthusiast 
 about rank as to prefer one man, with a couple of 
 worsted stripes, to another man without them, why 
 that was her affair, not his. And the consequence 
 was, that when Miss Kitty, a few days afterwards, 
 met our adventurer, and told him in her usual laugh- 
 ing way, that she had got a new Corporal, just then 
 
132 Guy Aver all. 
 
 for a beau ; and what was better, had almost made 
 up her mind to stick by him too, our friend took the 
 observation in the spirit in which it was given, and 
 asked who the Corporal was. 
 
 " Why Corporal Lawless, of course," was the im- 
 mediate answer. 
 
 ** Oh pshaw," said Averall, " I can cut him out 
 any day that I choose." 
 
 " No you cannot," was the rejoinder, "he is the 
 best looking non-commissioned officer in the garri- 
 son." 
 
 ** No matter for that, no matter for that," answer- 
 ed Averall, " I'll just draw off, and let him go ahead 
 for a while, and then when he thinks everything se- 
 cure, I'll come in once more and show him his real 
 place." 
 
 The coast was now clear as far as Master Guy 
 was concerned, and had that young gentleman kept 
 aloof both from Miss Kitty and her inamorato, he 
 would have avoided all future difficulties. But this 
 unluckily he did not do. One morning Guy was on 
 the point of starting to New York, as a member of a 
 boat's crew, when Lawless came up to him, and 
 thrust a silver half-dollar into his pocket. " I want 
 you to get something for me," said he. " I am very 
 sick, and you are the only person in the garrison on 
 whom I can depend in making the purchase." 
 
 " What is it you wish me to get for you .?" said Guy. 
 
 " Hold on, by the way," rejoined the other laugh- 
 ing, " I have a big story to tell you. I was over at 
 Rotten Row last night, and saw Kitty Traynor there. 
 She is a great flirt, but I am going to give her up this 
 very night, and once I am out of the way, you will 
 
Guy Averall. X33 
 
 have nothing further to trouble you, and then you 
 can have her all to yourself." 
 
 " Oh," said Guy, " as far as that is concerned I 
 have made up my mind to abandon flirtation. I 
 never was very successful in that way. Still, let me 
 know what you want in New York, and I will get it 
 for you if I can." 
 
 " I wish you to get me a bottle of whiskey. I tell 
 you again, you are the only person in the garrison I 
 would trust in such a thing as that." 
 
 Won't I render myself liable to punishment by 
 doing so .?" asked Guy. 
 
 "No, you won't," said the Corporal, " go about 
 the thing quietly, just take the bottle and keep it well 
 concealed in your coat. AVhen you land on the 
 Island come up to my room, hand the liquor to me, 
 and the whole affair will be right." 
 
 Alas ! alas ! for Guy Averall on that fatal morn- 
 ing, he was foolish enough to oblige Lawless in the 
 way he suggested. Facilis descensus Averni, says 
 |the poet when speaking of Hades ; and easy is it for 
 the United States soldier, once he has taken the path 
 of error, to go further and further astray. Hardly 
 had Averall touched the wharf, on his return to Gov- 
 ernor's Island, before he was arrested. In point of 
 fact the renowned Heidenrick happened to be stroll- 
 ing around the landing at that instant, and noticing a 
 somewhat suspicious looking protuberance under 
 Guy's coat, he approached the latter, seized hold of 
 the forbidden article, asked Guy what it was, and on 
 the latter ejaculating the word "whiskey " he ordered 
 the offender into the guard house. There lay poor 
 Averall, in most doleful plight, regretting his want of 
 
134 G'l'y Averall. 
 
 resolution in not acting according to the card, and 
 promising mentally all sorts of good behavior in the 
 future. All this, however did not avail him — in the 
 guard house he was allowed to stay, for Heidenrick, 
 gallant soldier as he was, had carried off the bottle and 
 exhibited it to the good Captain Daisy as proof 
 positive of the fact that he, Heidenrick, had a watch- 
 ful eye on the officers of the garrison, and that if he 
 got a fair chance, he could capture more bottles of 
 whiskey than all the other Sergeants of the Island 
 put together. And thus the consequence was that in 
 a few days a court martial was assembled ; and, 
 Averall, as a culprit, was brought before it. 
 
 Ah me ! what a dread appearance a military 
 tribunal presents, the first time an unhappy offender 
 is brought before it. To see that glittering array of 
 officers, with sashes around their waists and swords 
 by their sides, all sitting in a circle around a table, 
 on which are spread charges and specifications and 
 law books without number, Guy appeared, her- 
 alded in by the Sergeant of the Guard, when the 
 order convening the Court in the first instance was 
 read. Then the prisoner was asked if he objected 
 to any officer present, named in the detail, to which 
 question he replied in the negative. The Court was 
 then sworn, "in presence of the accused," the 
 charges were read, and Guy Averall was asked to 
 say whether he was guilty or not guilty. 
 
 " Guilty," said Guy, 
 
 " How do you plead to the specification which 
 alleges that you, Private Averall, Company "E," 
 Twenty-sixth Artillery, did introduce a quantity of 
 intoxicating hquor into the garrison ?" 
 
Gtiy Aver all. 135 
 
 " Guilty also," was the rejoinder. 
 
 "Have you anything to say in your defence?" 
 asked Lieutenant Spruce, who was at the time acting 
 as Recorder. 
 
 "Nothing whatever," was the reply. 
 
 " Have you any evidence to submit in regard to 
 character ?" 
 
 "If there is no objection, I should like to call on 
 my Company Commander, Captain Daisy, who is 
 present," said Guy. 
 
 Here Captain Daisy rose to his feet, and after 
 giving his dear old nose a twist or two, with one 
 hand, he was sworn. 
 
 " Do you know the accused ?" said Spruce, who 
 in his office as Recorder, put the necessary ques- 
 tions. 
 
 " Tow the accused ! — yes I tow him as a member 
 of my company." 
 
 " How long has he served in your company ?" 
 
 " Don't tow exactly — maybe one or two months 
 — cannot tell without looking at the morning re- 
 port." 
 
 " Has he ever been in the guard house before ?" 
 
 " Don't tow, but think not — good man — pulls in 
 the boat's crew now and then, and has never given 
 me any trouble, as far as I know." 
 
 "Then you think this is his first offence ?" 
 
 "Think so, but am not sure — if he had been a 
 pad man, I should have recollected him better. I 
 think he has always done well." 
 
 Guy Averall, if the truth must be told, felt some- 
 what surprised that his own Captain had not a bet- 
 ter recollection of him than was exhibited ; the case, 
 
136 Guy Aver all. 
 
 however, was here closed, and the Court being 
 cleared for deliberation, our friend in due form was 
 conducted to the guard house. There he remained 
 for three or four days, and at the expiration of that 
 time his sentence was read. He was marched up by 
 a file of the Guard, in company with three or four 
 other culprits, placed alongside the battalion, and 
 with due formality received his doom. Blodgett, 
 the irresistible, who still acted as Adjutant an- 
 nounced the sentence. It's terms were to forfeit to 
 the United States, three dollars of his monthly pay 
 for one month, and to be confined at hard labor in 
 charge of the guard for a fortnight. This sentence 
 was certainly no more than the offence deserved, 
 but in consideration of the youth and inexperience 
 of the prisoner, as well as the excellent character 
 which was furnished him by his Captain, the main 
 portion of it was afterwards remitted. And thus 
 ended this little rencontre on the part of our hero. 
 As to the gay and pleasant looking Lawless, he still 
 continued his attentions to Miss Kitty Traynor, just 
 as if nothing had happened ; and as to Averall he 
 made a solemn resolution that let him commit what- 
 ever follies he might in the future, from Corporal 
 Lawless, and all men of his kind, he ever would 
 keep himself apart. And to the credit of Guy be it 
 said, this vow was fully kept. 
 
 in. 
 
 Now about this time there was another member 
 of Company '* E," who began to attract considerable 
 attention, both on account of the position he then 
 held, and of the career that was evidently open to 
 
Guy Aver all. 137 
 
 him as a soldier, a gentleman, and an official in the 
 American Army. This man's name was Ryan, a 
 countryman of Guy's, a broad-shouldered, swagger- 
 ing, half ruffian-like looking fellow ; who in conse- 
 quence of his strength of arm, and depth of chest, 
 was selected as half orderly, and half working man, 
 to the good and amiable Mrs. Daisy. " I want a 
 strong ban to work a bangle," was the constant ex- 
 clamation of the gallant Captain himself, every time 
 the Company was formed. So one morning after 
 the clothing of the recruits was reduced to proper 
 dimensions, Private Ryan was selected as a fitting 
 orderly, and directed to report to his commanding 
 officer. The duties of Ryan were of a somewhat 
 variegated nature. He had to milk a cow, to work a 
 mangle, to run errands to the Commissary, to pull 
 Mrs. Daisy in a boat, now and then, round the Island, 
 and perform other little offices of a kindred nature. 
 As to his meals, Private Ryan obtained them at 
 Headquarters ; a circumstance sufficient to suggest 
 to the other members of the Company that their 
 quondam associate had abandoned his legitimate 
 sphere as a soldier, and was now transferred into the 
 useful, but at the same time not very exalted occu- 
 pation of a " dog robber," the name by which a per- 
 son in Ryan's position is commonly known. Still, 
 as far as that fact was concerned no one in the Com- 
 pany felt very sorry for it ; indeed they were all 
 rather glad to be rid of the Tipperary man, for a 
 more brazen faced, open mouthed bully there prob- 
 ably never existed. 
 
 The first time that Guy Averall took particular 
 notice of the orderly, was in that recruiting depot in 
 
138 Gt(y Aver all. 
 
 Newark, where our friend became a soldier. He 
 swaggered into that room which Captain Daisy oc- 
 cupied as an office, said he wished to enlist, and 
 when ordered by Heidenrick to remove his cap, he 
 jerked it off with a suppressed grin, just as if he 
 enjoyed a little browbeating. After the ceremony 
 was over, and he was duly sworn in as a soldier, he 
 made an assault on poor Guy, for he came into the 
 room where that somewhat disconsolate youth was 
 sitting, and after setting his teeth he expressed the 
 desire of having a "bloody Enniskillener " or two 
 to eat, and then his growing appetite for such food 
 would remain satisfied for the present. A couple of 
 very quiet Germans, who were sitting together, look- 
 ing over the poems of Schiller, were the next object 
 of his compliments. But finally the bully caught a 
 Tartar, in the person of the cook, Sullivan. Supper 
 being served, Private Hogan and the cook had pur- 
 chased a half pound of butter, as an agreeable addi- 
 tion to their meal, which consisted merely of the 
 usual six ounces of dry bread that falls to the sol- 
 dier's lot, and the ordinary pint of black coffee. No 
 sooner did Ryan notice the butter than it immediateiy 
 attracted his eye ; and forthwith the bully expressed 
 his intention of having a share of it. 
 
 "Aisy," exclaimed Sullivan," aisy if you plaise — 
 don't be so rash. Supposin' you had said ' by yir 
 laive ' before takin' it. As the case stands, if you 
 had axed me civally for a rub, I don't know but I 
 might have obliged ye, but since you are so obstrepu- 
 ous, I now say that the butter before me is mine, not 
 yours, and as such I shall treat it till the last ounce 
 of the article is demolished." 
 
Guy Aver all. 139 
 
 " Yours!" answered Ryan, " I know a confounded 
 sight better. I heard you and the Company Clerk 
 makin' up a plot to have something good for supper. 
 That butter belongs to me, and to every man at the 
 table. I suppose bekase you are an owl soldier, you 
 think you can impose on us innocent recruits." 
 
 " Innocent or not," was the rejoinder, " it makes 
 but little difference. The butter belongs to Hogan 
 and me, and you for one, shall not touch it." 
 
 " Not touch it," said the other. " I'll let you see 
 whether I will or not." And at this instant the friend 
 of equal rights put out his hand, as though he would 
 appropriate the article to himself. 
 
 This movement on the part of Ryan rather stimu- 
 lated the ire of his opponent ; who having paid his 
 own money for the condiment, could not see why he 
 was not entitled to possession of the same. Sullivan 
 now felt that his rights as an individual were some- 
 what in jeopardy, and to be browbeat or overriden in 
 the matter was opposed alike to his sense of justice, 
 and to his personal taste. So to put a quietus on the 
 attempt of the other, the cook jumped into a corner, 
 seized hold of a big carving knife, swung it over his 
 head, and then swore that if the other laid a finger 
 on anything that did not belong to him, he would 
 make him acquainted with cold steel, even if it cost 
 him his life. 
 
 That threat proved a pacifier. In spite of his 
 bluster there was a certain method in the madness of 
 Private Ryan. He weighed the delight to be derived 
 from appropriating an article that was not his own, 
 especially when that article was an eatable, he coun- 
 terbalanced the annoyance and possibly the harm 
 
140 Guy Aver all. 
 
 that might result if the knife wielded by Sullivan 
 should really make a hole in his side, and on a quiet 
 calculation of the possible chances in the case, he 
 resolved to forego the expected good for fear of the 
 anticipated evil. Had Sullivan appeared less resolute, 
 his course of procedure would undoubtedly have 
 been different ; for butter, be it observed, is a very 
 agreeable article to have on a soldiers' supper-table, 
 especially if it costs you nothing. So all the patriot 
 could accomplish on the present occasion was to scold. 
 
 " Och, it is yourselves are a nice set of fellows," 
 said he, as he planted his big hobnailed pumps on the 
 floor. " If this is the way you manage things in 
 Amerekay, I have my own opinion of life, liberty and 
 the parshoot of happiness. Nice liberty, eh ! Bad 
 luck to me, but there is every bit as much oppression 
 here as in Oireland itself, with this difference, that 
 there you have no one but a rale owl-fashioned gintle- 
 man to ride over ye, and here you must submit to the 
 whim of every little "Jack that you meet." 
 
 "I'll let that word go for once," exclaimed the 
 irate Sullivan, "but by the holy teapot, Ryan, if you 
 call me a Jack again, I'll knock every tooth in your 
 head down your ill-mannered throat." 
 
 " Oh, I see how it is," answered Ryan, " I must'nt 
 spaik. Land iv the brave and home iv the free, eh ! 
 So it is, in me eye. Oh ye are all combined against 
 a poor dissolute stranger, and I must howl me tongue." 
 
 " Give the poor fellow a piece of butter and let 
 him go," shouted Hogan at this juncture by way of 
 banter. 
 
 "Not so much as the tenth part of an ounce," 
 replied Sullivan, " but to show him that I am not 
 
Guy Ave rail. 141 
 
 mane or stingy, I'll make a divide of all I have with 
 the rest of the crowd." 
 
 And hereupon Sullivan proceeded round the table 
 with the paper full of butter in one hand, and a knife 
 in the other, and laid a dab of yellow grease on the 
 plate of every single recruit in the room. 
 
 " Come boys," said he when this work of love was 
 accomplished, " I want you all to ate and be merry. 
 A soldiers' supper is not a very sumptuous one, but 
 such as it is, let us enjoy it. As to that butter it is 
 mine, and not Mr. Ryan's, and in bestowin' it I say 
 here is life, liberty, and happiness to us all." 
 
 " Oh, I see what you are afther. I see what you 
 are afther," exclaimed Ryan once more. " Strivin' 
 to raise a prejudice against me. But no matter. I'll 
 have butter meself one of these days, and you'll see 
 with whom I will divide it. Long lane has no turn — 
 did ye iver hear them words, Misther Sullivan. But 
 no matter, I see I can't open me mouth here. Well 
 there is no justice for Oireland, at all, at all. But 
 I'll keep quiet, and we'll see how things will come 
 out in the long run. That is all I have to say on the 
 subject, friend Sullivan." 
 
 And with these words, and sundry mutterings to 
 himself, Private Ryan finally left the supper table and 
 sought his own room. This, then, was the man who 
 was now selected as orderly to Mrs. Daisy, and 
 whom that lady afterswards designed for still higher 
 honors. 
 
 IV. 
 
 After his release from the Guard House on Gov- 
 ernor's Island, Guy Averall took to his studies once 
 
142 Guy Aver all 
 
 more, and in that haphazard discursive v/ay, which was 
 now habitual to him, he read quite a number of 
 works of an imaginative and historical nature, such 
 as are in common use among the rank and file of the 
 Army. The " Knight of Gwynne," *" Harry Lorre- 
 quer," "Tom Burke of Ours," and so forth came 
 duly into requisition ; all of which compositions 
 proved to be both interesting and instructive. Mean- 
 while it must be noted that in another direction Guy 
 Averall was constantly improving. That polished 
 tone of manners which is only found in the highest 
 and best circles of life, was set forth in proper form be- 
 fore his eyes, and as such was duly appreciated by him. 
 It happened, for instance, one day that our friend 
 was detailed, in the usual manner, as member of a 
 boat's party ; and while waiting very conscientiously 
 for the return of the Officers at Castle Garden, the 
 gallant Brigadier again hove in sight. 
 
 "Oh, Mr. Spruce, Mr. Spruce," said the lady on 
 the approach of the officer, " I have a great project 
 on hand. I intend in the course of a week or two, to 
 put the Hospital on Governor's Island in proper 
 order ; and then issue invitations to some of the rich- 
 est and most fashionable people in New York City. 
 As soon as I get them on the Island, we can all have 
 a delightful time. I fully intend that we shall dance 
 the Chapeau Bras." 
 
 " The Chapeau Bras,'' repeated the officer some- 
 what puzzled, " I am sure I shall be delighted to par- 
 ticipate in it. Meanwhile let me ask one question ? 
 Will you be kind enough to tell me what the dance, 
 just named, really is.''" 
 
 " My dear Mr. Spruce," was the rejoinder, " can 
 
Guy Ave rail. 143 
 
 it be possible in this enlightened age and country, 
 that you should remain ignorant of the real nature of 
 the Chapeau Bras. The Chapeau Bras, let me inform 
 you sir, is the most fashionable dance in Europe at 
 the present time. Its origin is due to the Emperor 
 Louis Napoleon, who introduced it in proper form 
 into the Tuleries, Its leading characteristic is that 
 each gentleman present, instead of leaving his hat in 
 a certain apartment, carries it with him during the 
 whole of the evening; and while in that condition 
 goes through his evolutions on the floor. The whole 
 thing is perfectly delightful, I assure you." 
 
 " It would afford me infinite pleasure to partici- 
 pate in anything which is brought out under such 
 auspices," was the rejoinder. 
 
 " Then I shall appoint you master of ceremonies 
 on the occasion," was the reply. 
 
 Thus ended the conversation for the present, and 
 in due time both officers and lady returned to the 
 Island. Shortly after, it must be noted, the most ex- 
 tensive preparations were inaugurated at Fort Col- 
 umbus in view of the grand display which the good 
 Mrs, Daisy had resolved to make. Invitations were 
 issued in the name of Major Daisy and his excellent 
 sjpouse to the families of the several officers, then sta- 
 tioned in the Harbor ; in which the words on dansera 
 and chapeau bras appeared in a corner. Men in 
 squads were sent down to the Hospital, so as to put 
 it in proper order, festoons were made of cedar, lau- 
 rel, and other evergreens ; cakes, ices and similar del- 
 icacies were engaged in large quantities in the city, 
 while to crown all, those elegant young gentlemen, 
 Messrs. Spruce and Taper, pledged their pay accounts 
 10 
 
144 ^^y Aver all. 
 
 for a couple of months in advance, and then each or- 
 dered a suit from Ackerman, the mihtary tailor, who 
 keeps the well-known establishment on Broadway. Not 
 that the suits now spoken of were to be military suits, 
 — far from that — for Messrs. Spruce and Taper, in a 
 spirit of innovation which was in itself, almost auda- 
 cious, resolved to throw their regimentals aside and 
 show themselves in the swallow tail coat and black 
 trousers which properly belong to the civilian. These 
 preliminary arrangements having been completed, 
 there was nothing more to do but to wait with pa- 
 tience till the eventful evening arrived. Finally it 
 came, and at the hour of nine o'clock on the twenty- 
 sixth of November, eighteen hundred and blank, the 
 triumph of Mrs. Daisy, wife of Captain and Brevet. 
 Major Daisy of the United States Army, was com- 
 plete, for in the presence of the whole garrison of 
 Fort Columbus she inaugurated that highly aristo- 
 cratic affair which is known in foreign countries, es- 
 pecially in France, by the name already mentioned. 
 The whole thing Avas a tremendous success, so tre- 
 mendous that the fame of it extends through the length 
 and breadth of Governor's Island even to the present 
 day, and men date events from Mrs. Daisy's ball in 
 the same way that the Romans reckoned their time 
 from the building of their city ; or the people of Ori- 
 ental countries from the flight of the prophet. The 
 grand idea was to make the thing as much like the 
 Imperial Court of France as possible. But lest we 
 should appear to slight so important an event as the 
 chapeau bras by a mere hint, let us say here, that those 
 powers of persuasion with which Mrs. Daisy was 
 endowed had all been exercised in a proper manner 
 
Guy Aver all. 145 
 
 "on the best and dearest man that ever existed," so 
 that as far as the preHminary arrangements are con- 
 cerned, the Brigadier had every thing pretty much 
 her own way. The floor of the dancing room was 
 well waxed, the whitewashed walls of the building 
 were ornamented with evergreens, the garrison flag 
 gracefully draped at one end of the apartment, where 
 a small platform had been erected, formed a gay can- 
 opy over the spot where the Brigadier intended 
 standing to receive her guests. Chandeliers com- 
 posed of bayonets belonging to the company were 
 to light the room, emblems in the shape of that flower 
 from which the lady derived her name were placed 
 here and there throughout the apartment, while in 
 order to impart an air distingue to the occasion, it was 
 arranged that half a dozen soldiers, with Corporal 
 Sullivan at their head, were to represent the " Garde 
 Imperiale " of France, and to give Captain and Mrs. 
 Daisy a *' present arms " as they passed, Guy 
 Averall, it may be noted, was a member of the afore- 
 said " Garde," on that eventful night, and when 
 the word of command was given in proper form 
 by Sullivan, he brought down his musket with a 
 certain reverential awe, which certainly must have 
 sent a thrill of delight through the heart of his pa- 
 troness. " How are you all my dear children — that's 
 very well — why Corporal how do you do 1 And Guy 
 why you really are becoming a very fine soldier. 
 Corporal don't keep the men very long at a present." 
 And after giving the military acknowledgement 
 to the salute, in a bold and warlike manner, the 
 gallant Brigadier passed into the interior of the 
 building. 
 
146 Guy Ave rail. 
 
 But let us leave this outward show and proceed 
 to the great centre of attraction, the dancing room 
 itself. Here the commanding officer and his excel- 
 lent wife received their guests — the former being 
 dressed in grande tenue with his sword by his side 
 and his hat stuck under his arm, while his beloved 
 spouse was arrayed in a pale, peach blossom colored 
 satin, very low in the neck, and very short in the 
 sleeves, so as to reveal the imperial charms of the 
 wearer to each and every beholder. After receiving 
 her guests, with what delight did Mrs. Daisy seat 
 herself upon that particular fauteuil which she had 
 reserved for her own especial use, and gaze majes- 
 tically on the scene before her ! What satisfaction 
 she felt on beholding the success of her undertaking, 
 for every person around her had an undoubted 
 Prench air, while all the gentlemen carried their hats 
 under their arms just as if they were walking 
 through the Tuileries. There was Taper, with his 
 budding moustache, waxed from end to end, as if he 
 were an incipient Napoleon, and wondering mean- 
 while if that Princess Louise, then before him, whose 
 home is on Twenty Fifth avenue, has a sufficient 
 quantity of " rocks." There is Spruce on the other 
 hand, the ferocious little rascal, he does not care 
 about " rocks " at all, he only meditates on ** la 
 gloire," for he innocently tells that young girl, lean- 
 ing on his arm, that to die on a battle field is his 
 only aim and desire, and provided he were sure of 
 this boon, his heart would remain content forever. 
 Some of the heavy fellows, the Engineers be it 
 understood, contrive to say a word of compliment to 
 Mrs. Daisy now and then; one of them indeed, who 
 
Guy Ave rail. j^- 
 
 has visited Paris the year previous, assures his hostess 
 that the Hospital as it now stands, although only an 
 ordinary two story brick building, reminds him very 
 much of the Tuileries, and that madam herself 
 would almost be mistaken for the Empress Eu-enie 
 I3ut hark! the band strikes up; we have a m^arch 
 and a quadrille, and a waltz, and a polka, and durin^^ 
 all this time the hats of the gentlemen remain glued 
 to their arms, just as if they could not be given up 
 — mdeed the only person who chooses to violate the 
 customary etiquette is the easy going Commandant 
 himself, for in spite of the frequent reminders of his 
 wife that this was a real chapeau bras, not a common 
 ball, the old fellow, after a time, saw proper to sling 
 the_ covermg of his upper story into a corner, just 
 as if It were a pea wisp, and then vowed, in addi- 
 tion, that It was all nonsense for plain Americans 
 to assume those ridiculous French airs; that the 
 United States was as good a country, at any time 
 as that ruled by any foreign Emperor, and if he 
 had any voice in the matter he would banish these 
 chapeau bras, and other exotic dances, away in an 
 instant, and in their place would substitute a good 
 plain, old fashioned Virginia reel, such as he himself 
 had led off when he was twenty. 
 
 The supper was eaten, the dancing was over, and 
 the guests were going away, and as the Garde' Im- 
 perials presented Arms in the usual manner, Guy 
 Averall noticed a young lady, in company with the 
 Commandant, not richly attired like the Brigadier's 
 great friends from New York, it is true, but dressed 
 very becomingly in spite of all that, and with a face 
 such as a woman of good heart and high principle 
 
148 Guy Averall. 
 
 alone could wear. The features were delicately chis- 
 elled, a certain breadth between the eye brows gave 
 an expression of intelligence and good sense which 
 was unmistakable ; the figure, somewhat under the 
 usual size, was rounded so as to present a series of 
 graceful curves, while a prettily shaped foot and 
 hand gave indication of the pure blood that coursed 
 through that woman's veins. Guy glanced at the 
 stranger for a second or two in a true and unre • 
 served spirit of reverence, and after she had passed 
 out, he could not help asking the name of the visitor. 
 " Do you not know," said Hogan, who for once 
 did not choose to be irreverent, " that, sir, is the 
 Queen of the Island, -at least so she is esteemed by 
 some of us rough soldiers. That lady, sir, I verily 
 believe, would rather find occupation in doing some 
 little unostentatious work of charity, even supposing 
 that the recipient were nothing but an ordinary 
 private in the Company, like you or me, than in 
 attending all the fool dances that ever were invented. 
 Her name is Miss Davis; her father, an old officer 
 in the Regiment, was killed during the Mexican war, 
 and his only child has lived ever since with her uncle 
 on the mothers side. Captain Daisy. That relative, 
 I really believe^ is disposed to be as kind as his gen- 
 eral indolence will permit ; as to his wife, she certainly, 
 at the very least, is patronizing. However as far as 
 that point is concerned, her good offices are not lost; 
 for Miss Davis relieves her aunt of most of those 
 household cares which the other is too " aristocratic " 
 to assume. She takes almost entire charge of that 
 cub of a boy, belonging to the Brigadier, doing her 
 utmost to instil into his head a little elementary 
 
Guy Aver all. 149 
 
 French and music. The girl earns her own living, I 
 assure you." 
 
 " That is news to me," said Gtiy. " I was not 
 aware that Mrs. Daisy had any family but herself 
 and Tom." 
 
 " Faith she has. The sprig is twelve years old, 
 more or less ; and as thoroughly spoiled a brat as 
 you can find in the country. But don't you know 
 Hector.''" 
 
 V. 
 
 La jeunesse est un ivresse contimcelle says Roche- 
 foucould, and in illustration of this maxim, as well as 
 in evidence of her gaity of heart, it may be noted 
 that after the customary acknowledgments were paid, 
 and Mrs. Daisy had sketched landscapes and ex- 
 amined oysters and other marine curiosities for a 
 while, she finally made up her mind to give another 
 chapeau bras. This announcement, innocent although 
 it may seem, was not received with much favor by 
 the men of Company " E," who had already enough 
 of hospital scrubbing and decorating to satisfy them. 
 But what of that— a woman like Mrs. Daisy is a sort 
 of avalanche, and once she is set in motion, there is 
 no other alternative but to let her have her own way. 
 So as a natural result the floors of the Hospital were 
 waxed once more ; and one or two sick men, who 
 happened to be there, were hoisted like so much 
 lumber into the garret. It was in consequence of 
 this latter act, that the bard Hogan resolved on a 
 soldier's revenge — to get drunk. For this act of his, 
 reprehensible though it was, the clerk had every 
 reasonable excuse. The muster rolls, for instance. 
 
150 Guy Aver all. 
 
 were all completed ; the Company returns had been 
 properly signed ; the usual official letters to the Adju- 
 tant-General, tfte Quartermaster-General and the 
 other authorities in Washington had all passed from 
 his hands ; his mind, in fact, was free as far as his 
 own immediate duties were concerned, so by way of 
 indignation, if not of jollification, Private Hogan as 
 before intimated, resolved to rejuvenate himself. Not 
 that Hogan by any means was a habitual toper — far 
 from that — he loved his wine, of course, in the way 
 that an Irishman naturally does ; still, if his official 
 duties required him to sit up to twelve at night, 
 during half the year, he never would have abandoned 
 his place till every scrap of paper under his charge 
 was properly disposed of ; and the last return under 
 his cognizance was signed and sent to its ultimate 
 destination. But these duties once completed, a 
 certain latitude had to be allowed. Shortly after 
 tattoo therefore, on the night that Hogan was in- 
 formed of Mrs. Daisy's intentions, the clerk very 
 4 quietly sought the shades of Rotten Row, and going 
 into the quarters occupied by one of the laundresses 
 in that classic vicinity, he procured a bottle. From 
 this he took a couple of good pulls, just to see how 
 the liquor would taste, and feeling somewhat refreshed 
 by the draught, he thought he would pay a visit to 
 his friends in the Fort. He accordingly started off, 
 and before many minutes he was standing by the 
 side of that bunk which contained the sleeping form 
 of Guy Averall. 
 
 "Here young fellow," said he, "wake up and 
 take some comfort. Best whiskey that is to be found 
 on Governor's Island." 
 
Guy Avi-rall. l^i 
 
 " What do you want ?" said Guy, raising his head 
 from under the blanket, 
 
 " Don't make any noise, confound it, or old 
 Heidenrick will discover us. Here is something that 
 will do you good." 
 
 " What is it ?" asked Guy. 
 
 ** Here take hold of it, and don't ask any ques- 
 tions. I have always had a liking for you. You are 
 every whit as good a man, at the bottom, as Heiden- 
 rick or Lawless or any one else." 
 
 ** What do you want though .?" said Guy. 
 
 " Why, I say you're as good a man as any one of 
 them, even supposing you have been a fcAV days in 
 the guardhouse. Come take a swig of this, and be 
 a soldier at once." 
 
 At this instant Guy Averall from the sheer desire 
 of getting rid of his troublesome friend, put out his 
 hand and took the bottle that was offered, but hardly 
 had he tasted its contents, than he spat out all over 
 the floor, just as if he had been imbibing so much 
 fire. Of all the diabolical compounds in existence this 
 seemed to be the very worst, for it almost suffocated 
 the young soldier ! 
 
 " There now," said the bard, " you are all right — 
 I wanted to show you that you have one or two 
 friends in the Company, at any rate, even supposing 
 that you and I differ somewhat on this or that contro- 
 verted point. You are as good a man as Heidenrick, 
 I say, even supposing you have not so much rank." 
 
 " You had better keep quiet," said Guy, who in 
 return for the bards civility thought it only becoming 
 and proper in him to afford the latter a bit of sea- 
 sonable advice. 
 
152 Guy Ave rail. 
 
 ** Hold your whist," rejoined the other. " I know 
 how to behave myself as well as any other person in 
 this place. I wasn't born — hie — in a cave exactly, 
 even supposin' that my tongue is inflicted with a small 
 bit of the brogue. I endeavor to behave myself dis- 
 creetly — hie — so that even Sergeant Heidenrick him- 
 self cannot find much fault with me, unless indeed he 
 happens to be uncommonly severe." 
 
 Hogan's behavior was in general terms unexcep- 
 tionable, as every candid person will admit, but at this 
 particular instant the obnoxious Sergeant himself 
 appeared, armed with a tallow candle in his hand, so 
 as to institute a proper search as to the cause of the 
 disturbance. At the same time it may be noted 
 that Hogan having taken a few additional mouth- 
 fulls from the bottle, now began to feel decidedly 
 exalted, while at the same time this unaccommoda- 
 ting hiccup became worse and worse each instant, 
 so as materially to affect his enunciations as he 
 spoke. 
 
 " Here comes Di-og — hie — Diogenes in search of 
 an honest man -^ but being a simple Private he can 
 hardly select me. However I'll stand the glare as 
 well as I can." 
 
 " For what are you up here, at dis ere hour of the 
 night you veller, Hogan, I says," exclaimed the 
 Sergeant. 
 
 At this moment the bard began to nod his head 
 in a way that was very significant, for in truth the 
 last pull he took from the bottle, now began to pro- 
 duce a miraculous effect. He pointed to Guy, and 
 then muttered, in a sort of solemn undertone, that he 
 was simply speaking to one of his friends. 
 
Gi(y Ave rail. 153 
 
 " Speaking — for what you speaks at all at this hour 
 of the night — you go to ped." 
 
 " I'm keeping good company," replied the bard, 
 ** the boy is not bad — hie. Est bonus, ut melior vir 
 non — hie — " 
 
 " Vat's that you say ?" exclaimed Heidenrick, 
 
 ''''Est bonus, ut melior vir non alius — hie — " 
 
 " You quit talking your wild Irish, and go to 
 ped." 
 
 " The boy's not bad — \nc—formosa fades fnuia 
 commendatio — hie — well no matter I know the rest, 
 but let it go — hie. The boy Averall is not bad." 
 
 " You go to ped at once, or I'll put you in the 
 guard house." 
 
 " Oh, guard house — hie — guard house be hanged. 
 Well by the hole of my coat, Governor's Island is a 
 funny place — full of the high falutin', is it not ? I've 
 been to Rotten Row this evening, I have, and of all 
 the places for bad whiskey, I say that Rotten Row " 
 
 " Donner und blitzen — you shut up or I'll knock 
 your head off. Go to ped." 
 
 Here Guy spoke up, and advised his friend for the 
 sake of peace to lie down, but Hogan having the- 
 spirit of opposition roused in him, partially through 
 the effects of the whiskey, and partially by the words 
 of the Sergeant, did not care apparently whether he 
 went to the guard house or not. 
 
 ''Sergeant Heidenrick," said he, "do you know 
 what — a few days ago — hie — I saw an extract from 
 an old book, which with your kind permission I 
 should like to relate." 
 
 " Tont vant to hear anything of your relate. You 
 shut up." 
 
154 Guy Aver all. 
 
 " Sergeant Heidenrick, did you ever carry round 
 a monkey and organ in the course of your life ?" 
 
 " Dunner und blitzen vats that you have to say ?" 
 
 " The story I have to tell is from an old book, 
 whose name I need not mention. It is about an 
 elephant and a hog." 
 
 " I tont vant to hear anythings about elephants 
 or hogs. You take off your clothes and lie down." 
 
 *' You need not apply the thing to yourself unless 
 you are particularly anxious to do so. The story is 
 to this effect, that Noah when in the ark, being in 
 want of a scavenger, stroked down the back of the 
 elephant, and the elephant in due time brought forth 
 a pig, so between this pig and another animal in the 
 human form, with three stripes on his jacket, we 
 have been able to make away with all the dirty gar- 
 bage that is to be found, inside or out, far or near, 
 in a company of Artillery, even to the present day." 
 
 This humorous recital, picked up by Mr. Hogan 
 in his miscellaneous reading, was rather too much 
 /for the first Sergeant. To have Hogan drunk was 
 certainly bad enough, but to be compared to an 
 animal of the genus porcus, was really more than 
 the official could stand. His command in conse- 
 quence was both quick and sharp. " Dat vill do — 
 I've heard your story — you walk." Hogan seemed 
 to understand intuitively that the Sergeant now 
 really meant business, for he gathered up his blanket 
 without saying another word, and then trudged off 
 to the guard house without delay. 
 
 In due time a Court was assembled for his trial, 
 and the bard was arraigned under the usual charge: 
 " Conduct to the prejudice of good order and mill- 
 
Guy Ave rail. 155 
 
 tary discipline," the specification setting forth, in the 
 first place, that the offender was drunk and disorderly 
 in his quarters ; and secondly, that he had compared 
 Sergeant Ernest Heidenrick to a hog. To all these 
 indictments the bard chose to plead "guilty"; a 
 confession which the Court saw fit to approve. At 
 the end of a few days the sentence was read, " to 
 forfeit to the United States, six dollars of his month- 
 ly pay for one month ; and to be confined at hard 
 labor, in charge of the guard, for the period of ten 
 days," Hogan had the privilege of telling his little 
 legend about Noah and the ark, but as a necessary 
 consequence he paid the corresponding equivalent. 
 
 During the period of his confinement, the bard 
 had an opportunity of composing an imitation of 
 one of the best known lyrics in the language, which 
 ran in something approaching the following : — 
 
 I 
 There came to the guard house an Exile of Erin, 
 The mud on his shoe tops lay heavy and thick, 
 For his bitters he sighed, as the morning was wearing. 
 For the truth was the man was most terribly sick. 
 The evening before all was free and delightful. 
 But the close of a 'bender' it always is frightful. 
 The soldier is thrust, in a way low and spiteful. 
 To the depths of some cell by severe martial law. 
 
 2 
 
 Sad is my fate, said this child of affliction. 
 
 How I envy the life of the Tom cat so gay ! 
 By moonlight he crawls over housetops and fences. 
 In lover-like courtship the time glides away. 
 
 But oh ! if by night I should seek the low bower 
 Where the bottle's replenished, I'm doomed from that hour, 
 I never am freed from the shackles of power. 
 Till tried and convicted by stern martial law. 
 
156 Guy Ave rail. 
 
 3 
 Sweet Rotten Row ! in the midst of my wailings, 
 Oft to your shades does my mind take its flight, 
 Still do I dream on your backyards and palings. 
 
 Your clothes lines and wash tubs are still in my sight. 
 Oh cruel fate ! how I silently ponder, 
 On that dear chosen spot, where I nightly did wander. 
 And still of my jorum grew fonder and fonder, 
 Till trapped and imprisoned by stern martial law. 
 
 4 
 Friends and companions that with me have sported 
 
 Where, may I ask are you now one amd all, 
 Ye that have with me so often consorted, 
 Your joyous features I here will recall. 
 One o'er his tactics is silently poring. 
 One on his guard bunk is quietly snoring. 
 One plenus veteris bacchi is roaring, 
 
 While I am imprisoned by stern martial law. 
 
 5 
 But all these sad recollections suppressing. 
 
 One joyous thought my lone bosom may fill. 
 Though the time lags, yet the month is progressing. 
 Nearer and nearer to pay day I'm still. 
 
 When that time comes, with my cash in my pocket, 
 (Some sure is mine, though courts martial may dock it), 
 I to New York would then speed like a rocket. 
 And sink for a* day there, this stern martial law. 
 
 VI. 
 
 During the time that the bard was in confine- 
 ment, a dastardly attempt was made on the person 
 of a plain, hard working girl, a resident of Rotten 
 Row, whose character, as far as any one knew, had 
 always been unexceptionable. This affair caused a 
 good deal of indignation among all classes; for sol- 
 diers, although prone occasionally to minor misde- 
 meanors, are very rarely downright ruffians, and are 
 every whit as likely to condemn an act of this kind 
 
Guy Aver all, 157 
 
 as the most staid and sedate person in the commu- 
 nity. Lawless, in particular, was very indignant on 
 this theme ; he was acting as Corporal of the Guard 
 on the night that the attempt was made, and when 
 informed of the real occasion of the fracas, he 
 rushed over to Rotten Row in an instant, inquired 
 of the sentinel whose house was attacked, and then 
 vowed if he had his way, and could discover who 
 the transgressor was, he would pinion him with his 
 .bayonet, before the villain had time to draw another 
 breath. After such earnest protestations as these, 
 no one, of course, could suspect the handsome Cor- 
 poral Lawless of having a finger in the pie ! But 
 all attempts to discover the malefactor were in vain, 
 the utmost that was known was simply this, that 
 Corporal Lawless was standing outside the guard 
 house, according to his account, at about half past 
 eleven at night, when he heard a screech given ap- 
 parently by a woman, and immediately afterwards 
 recognized the call of the sentinel, at post No. 4, 
 that without even waiting for his musket, he ran in 
 the direction of the voice, and was told by the sen- 
 tinel, after challenging, where theory had originated, 
 and on entering the quarters indicated, the aggressor 
 had evidently fled. This was about all the informa- 
 tion that could be elicited oruthe subject, during the 
 investigation which took place at Head Quarters 
 next morning — the night was dark, and beyond the 
 fact that the person who had entered Mrs. Levigart's 
 house was a soldier in uniform, it did not seem that 
 anything more could be discovered. So after a 
 while the affair blew over, and the peace and quiet- 
 ness of Governor's Island was not disturbed again, 
 
158 Guy Aver all. 
 
 in this way, as long as Guy Averall remained 
 on it. 
 
 During the commotion occasioned by this affair 
 a rumor was circulated around Fort Columbus that 
 the Indians in Florida were committing the most 
 unruly depredations — stealing cattle, burning houses, 
 and so forth — and that there was a strong probability 
 that the Twenty sixth Artillery would be sent to that 
 part of the world, as a police force for the occasion- 
 This news, on the whole, was not unpleasant to the 
 various residents of the Island, Hogan had been 
 released from the guard house, and felt free to go 
 wherever he was bid ; Messrs. Spruce and Taper 
 both wished to dye their maiden swords in blood; 
 while as far as Guy Averall was concerned, he had 
 already seen a sufficient amount of garrison service, 
 and therefore longed for the more active duties of 
 the field. The same round of guard meetings, and 
 inspections and boat parties, and garrison Courts 
 Martial had been observed at Fort Columbus, ever 
 since he arrived there, so that the prospect of a little 
 campaigning had something absolutely exciting in 
 it ; and hence it' was that most of the soldiers began 
 to look forward to the expected transfer with a good 
 deal of pleasurable anticipation. Florida, the land 
 of the palmetto and the mangrove; the home of the 
 Seminole and the alligator; the place where those 
 early Spanish adventurers sought for that perennial 
 spring, which was to impart the vigor of youth to 
 every one who bathed in its waters — even in the very 
 name of the state there was something enchanting! 
 Guy accordingly began to collect all the miscel- 
 laneous information he could gather respecting this 
 
Guy Aver all. 159 
 
 particular part of the earth's surface, and taking up 
 an old history of the state, which was lying in the 
 Orderly room, he soon became cognizant of the fact 
 that Florida was first seen by Ponce de Leon, who 
 landed near St. Augustine in the year 15 13, and that 
 the country received its name, either on account of 
 the beauty of its vegetation, or because of its being 
 discovered on St. Flores day. In 1539, according 
 to the same authority, Fernando de Soto explored 
 Florida, and after passing through a series of ro- 
 mantic adventures he appears to have died on the 
 banks of the Mississippi in the year 1542. In the 
 middle of the sixteenth century, many Huguenots 
 visited the country, but only to experience greater 
 evils than they had endured at home. In 1564 they 
 were attacked by the Spaniards, and many of them 
 were hung on the trees with the inscription that they 
 were destroyed, " not as Frenchmen but as heretics," 
 an act which serves to indicate the civility and good 
 manners that existed during these times ; and which 
 was requited soon after by the Huguenots attacking 
 the Spanish fort, and hanging up its garrison with 
 the inscription that " they were hung up, not as 
 Spaniards but as cutthroats," a Roland for the Oliver 
 formerly bestowed. Florida remained in the pos- 
 session of Spain till the year 181 9 when it was ceded 
 to the United States, and formally surrendered in the 
 year 182 1. In 1835 the war with the Seminole 
 Indians broke out, the occasion being their removal 
 to the country west of the Mississippi. Three years 
 previous, a treaty had been signed by some of the 
 chiefs at a place called Payne's Landing, in which 
 they agreed to relinquish their claim to the land in 
 
i6o Guy Ave rail. 
 
 the State, and to emigrate to the Indian territory. 
 On presenting this treaty, however, to the Indians 
 at a subsequent period, man> of them declared 
 against being bound by it, and as an immediate result, 
 one of their chiefs, Osceola, was put in irons, by the 
 United States Commissioner, General Thompson, for 
 alleged abusive language. In a few days after, 
 Osceola was released, but this did r\pt prevent an 
 attack on Thompson, who was murdered at the seat 
 of the Indian Agency, Fort King. Troops were now 
 marched into the country, and on the 24th of 
 December occurred the well-known battle between 
 the command of Major Dade and the Indians, in 
 which the whole of the former were cut off, v.ith the 
 exception of three men. Subscfjuenlly several officers 
 commanded in Florida; Clinch, Gaines, Scott and 
 others; but in 1837, while holding a conference, 
 under a flag of truce, with General Jesup, Osceola 
 was treacherously seized, with a number of his fol- 
 lowers, and kept at Fort Moultrie till the time of 
 his death, which occurred about six months after- 
 wards. The war lingered on for four or five years 
 after this, costing meanwhile a good many dollars in 
 money, and the lives and the health of a good many 
 officers and soldiers ; but it finally was settled by a 
 compromise in which part of the Indians were per- 
 mitted to live in the southern part of the peninsula ; 
 and the remainder of them consented to Emigrate to 
 the land set apart for their use, west of the Mis- 
 sissippi. 
 
 Such was the intormation that Guy Averall, at 
 this particular time, was able to collect, respecting 
 that i)ortion of the aborigines who inhabit what some 
 
Guy Aver all. i6i 
 
 are pleased to characterize as one of the most beau- 
 tiful and interesting States in the American Union. 
 
 m 
 
 VII. 
 
 Reports still continuing of further depredations 
 in Florida, it was at length announced, in official 
 orders, that the Twenty-sixth Artillery should pro- 
 ceed at once to the sunny south ; and take post in 
 various stations in that part of the country. This 
 news, although fully anticipated, was the occasion of 
 some little flurry at Governor's Island ; for in the 
 first place Messrs. Spruce and Taper had to start 
 over to New York, to make their adieus to those two 
 "lovely girls" on whose merits they had been ex- 
 patiating for the last twelve months ; while Blodgett, 
 the irresistible, although willing to serve his country 
 like a man, just wanted " by Jupiter " a day or two 
 in addition so as to put the finishing touch to some 
 wonderful machine on which he had been spending 
 his best efforts for the last couple of months. Cor- 
 poral Lawless too — he had his affaire d' amour; for 
 when off duty he was constant in his devotions to 
 Miss Kitty Traynor, and was even reported as hav- 
 ing pressed his suit so far as to ask that somewhat 
 inconstant belle, to accompany him to Florida, as his 
 wife. But the girl, spite of her apparent thought- 
 lessness, seemed to understand the non-commissioned 
 officer pretty thoroughly. " Indeed Corporal Law- 
 less," said she, " you surely don't want me to make 
 a ballyhaise of myself, and have all the garrison 
 talkin' of me. I'll never marry a man unless he is 
 willing to court me, at the least, for two or three 
 years. Just go down to Florida, and remain there, 
 
i6» Guy Ave rail. 
 
 and try and do your duty as a soldier, and if I hear a 
 good account of you when the Company comes 
 back, perhaps then I may tako^-our case into con- 
 sideration." 
 
 " Do you not wish me to write to you ?" was the 
 somewhat cautious retort on the part of the non- 
 commissioned officer. 
 
 " Write to me ! now what is the use of talking 
 about writing to one of your plain spoken, camping 
 women, as a friend of mine, high in authority, once 
 chose to call me. No, no, Corporal Lawless, we must 
 forego this thing of writing for the present. Things 
 that are put down on paper, you know, are apt to 
 stick. Just behave yourself properly, and try and do 
 your duty in Florida, as I told you before, and if 
 you come back to Fort Columbus with a good char- 
 acter, you certainly will have an oi)portunity of 
 speaking to Kitty Traynor." And unsatisfactory 
 though it was, the gallant Corporal was obliged to 
 remain content with the foregoing very indefinite 
 answer. 
 
 These manifold preparations being all completed, 
 trunks packed, bills paid, friends blessed, and extra" 
 baggage sold, the twelfth of February, eighteen 
 hundred and blank, was finally selected as the day 
 on which the troops were to take their departure for 
 the land of the .Seminole. On the afternoon of that 
 date, therefore, the good ship Peerless, of the New 
 Orleans Packet Fine, appeared opposite the wharf at 
 Governor's Island, in her quality of transport. A 
 judicious care had been exercised by the Quarter- 
 master's Department in selecting the vessel, and when 
 the troops went on board, they found every possible 
 
Guy Averall. 163 
 
 accommodation for their comfort. Some of the 
 older soldiers saw fit to thank the proper staff officers 
 for this kindness, and only wished that a like solici- 
 tude would be exhibited in providing a good, clean 
 vessel for voyaging at sea, on all future occasions, 
 for some of the rotten old hulks, that occasionally 
 serve as transports to United States troops, are a dis- 
 grace to the country, and have cost the lives of a 
 good many officers and men. On going on board 
 the Peerless, it was discovered that a particular set 
 of bunks were assigned to the use of Company " E " ; 
 Guy therefore and his friend, the Scotchman, selected 
 one of these ; put their knapsacks in it, and then 
 going on the upper deck, they took their seats on the 
 forecastle and indulged for some time in that care- 
 less chit-chat which constitutes the usual style of con- 
 versation among persons of even greater weight and 
 importance than those who, in the words of Falstaff, 
 serve as mere " food for powder." 
 
 Every person being on board ; officers, men and 
 all, the Captain of the Peerless gave orders to heave 
 anchor, when soldiers and sailors alike stationed 
 tliemselves round the Captain, took hold of its bars, 
 and circling round and round, the heavy anchor was 
 finally dragged up. During this process one of the 
 tars chanted an ode, written by some American 
 Dibdin, the only verse of which preserved, at present, 
 is the following : — 
 
 The Peerless is a saucy boat, 
 
 Heave-he, heave-ho. 
 And a bully crew's on her afloat, 
 
 Heave-he, heave-ho. 
 
l64 Guy Arerall. 
 
 So here's farewell, my own love true, 
 
 Heave-he, heave-ho. 
 Before me speeds the water blue, 
 \ Heave-he, heave-ho. 
 
 These lines, prosaic though they may seem, pro- 
 duced a really capital effect, when chanted by the 
 sailors, one of whom gave the words themselves, in 
 a clear, manly voice, and the others, after heaving on 
 the bars, joined in the chorus. After a while, the 
 anchor itself came up, and was secured in its proper 
 place by a tackle ; the little tug that had been puff- 
 ing and fretting alongside the Peerless took her in 
 tow ; a few sails were set, and the vessel slowly pro- 
 ceeded down the harbor. Governor's Island, with 
 its guns and red castle slowly receded from view ; 
 the Narrows finally were reached ; Fort Hamilton, 
 Staten Island and a lightship were all passed ; and 
 before long the Peerless aod her pilot were well 
 out on the broad ocean. In the long run the pilot 
 himself was taken off, by means of a boat; and a 
 guard and sentinels, having been stationed in various 
 parts of the vessel, the usual routine of life at sea 
 now began. Some of the men got sick, in the course 
 of a few hours, and crawled into their bunks ; others 
 remained manfully at the forecasde, as if determined 
 to brave that unenviable malady to which " land 
 lubbers " are pretty sure to be subject. In the end, 
 a considerable proportion of these succumbed to sea 
 sickness ; while the remainder, deeming it useless to 
 sit up much longer, retired to their bunks, so that by 
 the time " four bells " were sounded, at night, noth- 
 ing was stirring save the officer in charge of the 
 watch, who kept pacing the quarter deck, and the 
 
Guy Averall. 165 
 
 sentinels who were stationed in appropriate places 
 in the vessel, both above and below. 
 
 White is the glassy deck, without a stain 
 
 Where on his watch, the staid Lieutenant walks ; 
 
 Look on that part which sacred doth remain 
 For the lone chieftain, who majestic stalks. 
 
 Silent and feared by all— not oft he talks 
 
 With aught beneath him, if he would preserve 
 
 That strict restraint, which broken over balks 
 Conquest and Fame : but Yankees rarely swerve 
 From law however stem, that tends their strength to nerve. 
 
 And so Guy Averall is on a vessel bound to 
 Florida, in order to fight the Indians ! Query, is it 
 not possible to manage these same Indians, without 
 fighting them eternally? 
 
 VIII. 
 But before going any further we wish to correct 
 a slight mistake. It has previously been stated that 
 all the members of Company " E," both ofificers and 
 men, were on board the Peerless when she sailed, 
 'in the strict sense of the word, however, this is not 
 true; since the former orderly at Headquarters,* 
 Private Timothy Ryan, was absent, he being at that 
 time in New York, a prisoner in the hands of the 
 civil authority. The state of the case was this. A 
 few nights previous, that gentleman had been prowl- 
 ing round the lower extremities of the city, in a 
 lively manner, when wishing to regain his quarters, 
 as quietly as possible, he offered a boatman a stipu- 
 lated sum, provided he were willing to bring him 
 back to Governor's Island. According to the code 
 of honor, however, which that patriot had adopted, 
 
1 66 Guy Averall. 
 
 there was no great need in fulfilling his part of the 
 obligation, once the service was performed ; so 
 instead of paying the money as agreed, Ryan turned 
 on the boatman and gave him a most unmerciful 
 beating. The latter, nevertheless, was determined 
 to seek satisfaction in his own way ; so without 
 more ado, he went to the office of the District Attor- 
 ney, procured a warrant for the arrest of the offen- 
 der, and sent a deputy marshal over to Governor's 
 Island to execute it, Just as Guy's company was 
 embarking on the transport, this official handed the 
 warrant to the officer in command, who was obliged, 
 as a matter of necessity, to acquiesce in it. So 
 away went the Marshal, and away went the prisoner 
 to New York city; and if the truth must be told, 
 there were not many men in the Company who 
 seemed very sorry to lose him. " I wish him no 
 harm," said Sullivan, who probably still recollected 
 the encounter in the recruiting depot at Newark, 
 ** but I do not like Ryan's ways, and I sincerely 
 hope I never may see the gentleman again." And 
 well would it have been for poor Sullivan if this 
 desire had been gratified, but the fates willed it oth- 
 erwise. Yet notwithstanding this general indiffer- 
 ence it is but fair to say that the prisoner had at 
 least one friend in the Company, for the excellent 
 Mrs. Daisy, who was standing on the wharf, at the 
 lime of the arrest, saw fit to exhibit those sympa- 
 thetic feelings which she, as a kind-hearted lady, 
 had always at command. 
 
 Oh the child ! the dear child ! mine own good 
 orderly " said that truly excellent woman, as she 
 applied the tip of her handkerchief to her eye for 
 
Guy Ave rail. 167 
 
 an instant, "my poor heart aches to see him go away 
 under charge of that cruel monster of a law officer. 
 I always respected poor Ryan as one of the best 
 men in the Company, and it really is a great shame 
 that a United States Soldier, belonging to my hus- 
 band's command, should be subjected to such an 
 indignity." 
 
 " Don't mind it, don't mind it," said the gallant 
 Heidenrick, who seeing the distress of Mrs. Daisy, 
 thought it proper and right to offer a word of con- 
 solation. " De madam must know that Ryan was 
 at times a little pit troublesome ; and now that he is 
 gone, I'll say the Company wont miss him one pit. 
 Still, if the lady cries, I cries too, for I cannot bear 
 to see distress on the part of any one who is related 
 to mine goot old commanding officer." And here- 
 upon the virtuous Teuton, put his hand in his pocket, 
 pulled out a dirty red handkerchief, and applied it 
 to his eye, in sympathetic accord with a similar mo- 
 tion on the part of the Captain's wife. 
 
 At this instant a rather irreverent titter was heard 
 among the crowd of soldiers, assembled on deck ; 
 and it was observed in particular, that Hogan beat 
 a somewhat rapid retreat to the other side of the 
 ship. 
 
 '' Come, Hogan," said some one present, " it 
 wont do to laugh in that way, or you'll have the 
 Sergeant among us, and then you know your fate." 
 
 " Yes, but I cannot help it," was the answer. 
 "Such loyalty as is exhibited on the part of old 
 Heidenrick. Oh ! Richard, oh ! mon roi ! Well, 
 by the holy teapot, this will do as an incident in my 
 chapter on beans." And here the bard, who had a 
 
1 68 C//>' Avei-all. 
 
 keen eye for whatever was ridiculous, saw fit to 
 indulge in a most immoderate fit of laughter. 
 
 " Don't make so much noise, or we all will be in 
 the guard house," was the next exclamation. 
 
 "Yes, but such love and affection as I see every 
 day around me, how can I resist it ? Never did I 
 see Platonic principle properly exemplified till I 
 came to this place. But I'm not a Plato — I'm ordi- 
 nary flesh and blood, and how can I control my 
 risibilities. But who have we here — the Steward, 
 Petersen, with his box under his arm, running at 
 full speed. I'll venture to bet, though, that he can- 
 not pass the Brigadier, without subjecting himself to 
 a cross examination. 
 
 Private Hogan spoke with full knowledge of the 
 subject, for in spite of the pretensions to the contrary 
 there was something positively ridiculous in the curi- 
 osity of Mrs, Daisy — she always contrived to ferret 
 out the most trifling circumstances that happened in 
 any place where she happened to be. To think of 
 a soldier like Peterson attempting to pass the author 
 of the chapeau bras, with a box under his arm, 
 without the other prying into its contents, was a 
 sheer impossibility. No sooner had the Steward 
 come within hailing distance, than the Brigadier 
 immediately commenced her attack. 
 
 ** Oh Petersen, how well you look this morning — 
 going down to Florida, with the other soldiers, so 
 as to fight the battles of your country. That is a 
 good child, Petersen, I'm sure the Major will be 
 proud of you. What have you got in that box, 
 may I ask ? " 
 
 " Curiosities, ma'm," replied Petersen with naive 
 
Guy Ave}- all. 169 
 
 simplicity, while at the same time he made an inef- 
 fectual attempt to get away, 
 
 " Curiosities ! why Petersen there is nothing in 
 the world on which I doat so much as curiosities. 
 What are your curiosities, may I ask ? 
 
 " Skulls if you please ma'am — human skulls, at 
 that. Have four or five of them here. Can exam- 
 ine them whenever you chosse." 
 
 *' Oh the dear good skulls, I do love them so 
 very much ! " was the rejoinder. " But you need not 
 mind, Petersen, ,you need not mind opening the 
 box, my curiosity for the present is gratified. Gen- 
 erally speaking I have the greatest possible desire to 
 examine scientific subjects, skulls included, but for 
 the present I will forego that pleasure," 
 
 And with these words the phrenologist was 
 allowed to pass, while Mrs. Daisy casting her eyes, 
 now and then, on Ryan, saw that worthy fast dis- 
 appearing in a boat ; or anon she turned them 
 towards the afterpart of that vessel, where sat the 
 bodily image of Captain and Brevet-Major Thomas 
 Daisy of the Regular Army, " the best and dearest 
 man that ever existed." 
 
THE SUXXV SOUTH. 
 
 I. 
 
 Before long the usual routine of guard mount- 
 ing, washing of decks, drawing of rations and so 
 forth was established on board the Peerless ; and 
 then in default of anything more exacting, the Clerk 
 Hogan contrived to start a manuscript newspaper, 
 in which the trifling events of the voyage were 
 recorded. For instance, it was announced, as a very 
 propitious event, that the coffee furnished the com- 
 mand, the day previous, was of very excellent quality, 
 and that a certain member of Company " E," Twen- 
 ty-Sixth Artillery, was seen making love to a big 
 cucumber, such as are usually served out to troops 
 of the United States when on board a government 
 transport. Then followed a short dissertation on 
 the cucumber as an esculent, in which it was noted 
 among other tilings that the Hebrews long ago, when 
 in the desert, longed for it; that Aristophanes men- 
 tions it among the multifarious good things, such as 
 apples, pomegranates, garlic and little cloaks for 
 slaves ; that Theophrastus has fully described it in 
 his treatise on plants ; that Hippocrates recom- 
 mended it, and Sergeant Heidenrick ate it, and there- 
 fore the soldiers of the Twenty-Sixth Artillery had no 
 other alternative than to follow these illustrious 
 examples. Next the song, " as slow our ship its 
 foamy track " was furnished with a new dress to suit 
 170 
 
Guy Averall. 171 
 
 the circumstances of the voyage ; while in the follow- 
 ing paragraph a very touching inquiry was made 
 respecting the health of some unlucky wight on board, 
 who still suffered from the effects of mal de iner. Of 
 course that old joke about the string and the piece 
 of fat pork could not be omitted, for this was rec- 
 ommended as a sovereign remedy to all persons who 
 felt qualmish on board. But the masterpiece appeared 
 to be a transcript of the book of Proverbs, in which 
 " Hogan, the wise, now ser^-ing in his third enlist- 
 ment," laid down sundry rules for the guidance of 
 the young recruit, when doing duty in the Twenty- 
 Sixth Artillery. A very agreeable pastime was fur- 
 nished by the Germans onboard, who usually assem- 
 bled in the forecastle in the morning ; and there gave 
 some song that spoke of home and friends and their 
 own dear fatherland, their voices rising together, in 
 unison, with very happy effect. But one amusement, 
 story telling, must not be forgotten, and in this con- 
 nection our friend Corporal Sullivan, certainly bore 
 away the p?'n., for the Corporal, spite of the fact 
 that he had been carrying a musket in the United 
 States service for the space of some five or six years, 
 still retained no inconsiderable portion of Irish 
 credulity ab0t.t him, and as to this question of ghosts 
 and fairies and other weird spirits, he had not quite 
 made up his mind as to whether they really existed 
 or not. One of his recitals, given on board the Peer- 
 less, may not be out of place in this connection, as 
 it will serve to illustrate the Corporal's conception of 
 a really good narrative, such as a person in his situa- 
 tion may naturally recount. The story, an old one 
 by the way, has on more than one occasion been 
 
172 Guy Ave rail. 
 
 given in print, but as it has the merit of being a 
 genuine legend, not a manufactured one, and was 
 frequently repeated by the Corporal, we here take the 
 liberty to introduce it, especially as it contributed 
 somewhat to the amusement of Guy Averall at the 
 time. The tale gives the history of three men. Hud- 
 den and Dudden and Donald O'Leary, and has a 
 
 moral obvious enough to those who read. 
 * * * * 
 
 Hudden and Dudden and Donald O'Leary were 
 three neighbors, who lived in the townland of Bally- 
 magad. There they had each a small farm, which 
 according to the custom of the country they tilled 
 with an ox, that animal indeed constituting the prin- 
 cipal article of live stock which cither of them pos- 
 sessed. But Hudden and Dudden, being of an 
 envious nature, got together and laid down a jjlan to 
 kill Donald's ox, hoping by that means to embarrass 
 him so much that they might eventually get his farm, 
 and then divide it, in equal portions, among them- 
 selves. So one night they came to Donald's house, 
 poisoned the ox, and then told the people all around 
 that the animal had died of sickness. 
 
 When Donald got up in the morning and went to 
 his outhouse, he there saw the condition of the poor 
 animal, and immediately suspected who were the real 
 culprits, even in spite of his neighbors protestations. 
 ** No matter," said he to himself, " they have killed 
 my ox, that I know, but they have not deprived him 
 of his skin, so I'll take it off, bring it to the market 
 and sell it." Donald accordingly took his knife, 
 skinned the ox, and away he started with the hide 
 sluns over his shoulders. 
 
Guv Aver all. 173 
 
 As he went along, up came a magpie and lit upon 
 the hide, and immediately commenced picking at 
 such little pieces of meat as were attached to the 
 skin. Donald, after a while, happened to look be- 
 hind him, and saw the bird, so without more ado, he 
 stretched out his hand, took the magpie, and put it 
 into his pocket. 
 
 Now this magpie, it may be remarked, was a very 
 singular creature. It had travelled a great deal in 
 its early youth, and among other places had visited 
 the land of Cream of Tartar. 
 
 "Crim Tartary, you probably mean," said Hogan 
 by way of suggestion. 
 
 "It is all the same in Frinch," replied the gallant 
 Corporal with a wave of his hand which was truly 
 magnificent. " The magpie had visited the land of 
 Cream of Tartar, in his early youth, and while there 
 had been taught Latin. So after a while it began 
 chattering in Donald's pocket; asking, no doubt, to 
 be set free, but in the long run it got tired of com- 
 plaining, and went to sleep, in which condition it 
 remained till after Donald entered the market. 
 
 In due time Donald sold the hide, took the money 
 he had received for the same, counted it carefully, 
 and feeling somewhat tired he went over to a tapster, 
 and asked for a dram of his best. The tapster 
 accordingly went to a keg, and commenced filling a 
 gill, when at that instant the bird awoke from his 
 doze and began to speak. The tapster was astonished, 
 and accordingly asked Donald what sort of an 
 animal that was which he carried along with him .'' 
 ** It is a bird," said Donald. 
 "What kind of a bird may I ask.?" inquired the other. 
 
174 Guy Ave rail. 
 
 Now Donald in spite of his misfortunes was some- 
 what of a wag, and when an impertinent question 
 was put to him he did not hesitate to give a corres- 
 ponding answer. So without thinking of the conse- 
 quences that might ensue, he informed the tapster 
 that the bird in question was one of the most valuable 
 animals that man ever possessed, for it invariably- 
 told him all sorts of secrets. 
 
 " He should not have prevaricated though," said 
 Hogan who for the nonce seemed to adopt the char- 
 acter of censor. " Only stock speculators and news- 
 paper men are guilty of such enormities as that." 
 
 " I can't answer for his conduct," rejoined Sulli- 
 van. "I simply tell the tale as it was told to me, so 
 let me go on with my history." 
 
 "A bird that tells you all sorts of secrets !" ejac- 
 ulated the vender of John Barlycorn. " And what 
 secret, pray, does he impart to you now .?" 
 
 " Why he says," was the answer, " that you have 
 liquor, a great deal better than that you now sell, in 
 your cellar." 
 
 " Dear me," replied the tapster, " how in the 
 world can a magpie know so much. Why I'd give 
 almost all I have in the world to possess such a 
 bird." 
 
 " Could not sell him at any price," said Donald 
 who still fibbed like a fox. 
 
 " Could not sell him," repeated the tapster, "why 
 if you choose I am willing to give you my hat full of 
 gold." 
 
 " Done, it is a bargain," was the answer. So 
 Donald took the gold, put it in his pocket, and home 
 he started. 
 
Guy Ave rail. 175 
 
 Just as he was within sight of his own house, who 
 should he meet but Hudden and Dudden walking 
 towards him. " You are a couple of nice fellows," 
 said Donald, " sharp as steel traps, I suppose. You 
 thought you had done me a great injury by killing 
 my ox ; but it was the luckiest accident that could 
 possibly have happened. You were not aware of the 
 demand for oxhides that exists at present in town. 
 Everybody is crazy over them ; you can get almost 
 any price for one of them that you please. I sold my 
 hide early in the morning for a hat full of gold, and 
 if I had held on for a while, and not parted with it 
 so readily I might have doubled the price. Look, 
 look, here are some of the shiners." And with these 
 words Donald pulled out a handful of guineas, and 
 exhibited them to his astonished neighbors. 
 
 ** A hatful! of gold for an oxhide !" replied Hud- 
 den and Dudden. " If that be so, we will kill our oxen, 
 without delay, and get a couple of hatfulls also." So 
 both the fellows started off to their farms and slaught- 
 ered their beeves ; but when they brought their hides 
 to the market they soon discovered that oxskins 
 would not command more than the usual price, and 
 that meanwhile they had destroyed their chief de- 
 pendence for cultivating their own soil. So back 
 they came to their homes, vowing all sorts of venge- 
 ance on their more fortunate neighbor. 
 
 Their next plot was even more diabolical than 
 their former one. In the first instance they had 
 simply killed their neighbor's steer ; in the second 
 they determined to make an assault on the life of 
 Donald himself. But Donald already suspected their 
 designs, and resolved to circumvent them if possible. 
 
176 Guy Ave rail. 
 
 Now about this time Donald's aunt, who kept 
 house for him, and who by the way was not a partic- 
 ularly agreeable old woman, took it into her head to 
 die. Donald of course was very sorry for this, and 
 in order to honor the remains in a proper manner, he 
 took them up very carefully, and put them in the best 
 room in the house. He then procured a sheet, 
 wrapped it round his own shoulders, and sat down 
 before the fire for comfort. 
 
 He had not been long in that position before 
 Hudden and Duddcn approached the house, under 
 cover of the night, with the full intention of murder- 
 ing him. They accordingly burst in through the 
 window of that room where Donald's aunt lay 
 stretched ; but seeing the old woman, in the first in- 
 stance, lying dead, and catching a glimpse of Donald, 
 soon after, enveloped in a sheet,- they immediately 
 thought that tlie latter object was the old lady's 
 ghost. So away they took to their heels, leaving 
 Donald in possession of his own premises. 
 
 Next morning he determined to bury his aunt, 
 and having no one to assist him, he took up the old 
 woman on his shoulder, and thus started for the grave 
 yard. Feeling somewhat tired after a while, he de- 
 posited the corpse by the side of the road, propping 
 it up by means of a staff, so that it remained entirely 
 erect. Donald then went to a house near by, to pro- 
 cure a cup, in order that he might obtain a drink of 
 water. Now inside that house was an old miser, who 
 spent most of his time counting his money, and in 
 wishing that some rich lady or other would marry 
 him. The old fellow being a great curmudgeon, re- 
 ceived our friend very bluntly. " I can't lend you a 
 
Guy Ave rail. lyy 
 
 cup or anything else," said he to Donald, after the 
 latter had made his request for the use of that article. 
 
 " Can't lend me a cup !" replied Donald. " I'm 
 sorry for you then, for you hardly know what you 
 have missed. Do you see that old woman yonder, 
 standing by the side of the well .?" 
 
 " 1 do," replied the miser, 
 
 " You do, and yet you would wantonly disoblige 
 her nephew. That woman let me say, sir, is the most 
 extraordinary person in the kingdoms, for although 
 a female, she can keep her tongue quiet from year's 
 end to year's end, and as far as money is concerned, 
 she would not sell herself, to any man living, for all 
 the coin in the world." 
 
 " If she is so rich," said the miser, " I must go 
 over and address her, for I have been hunting such a 
 woman as she for a wife this many a day." 
 
 As soon as the old miser could secure his hat, he 
 started off in order to pay his respects, and induce 
 Donald's aunt to enter his house. He accordingly 
 addressed her two or three times without receiving 
 any answer, and at length, being somewhat worried 
 with the dame's apparent want of attention, he applied 
 his hand to his side, and gave her a shake. But 
 before he had time to bless himself the corpse fell 
 over and tumbled into the water. 
 
 " Heigh ho ! " said Donald, who although a true 
 born native of the Isle of Saints, could, now and 
 then invent tales like a Chinaman. " Heigh-ho — a 
 nice state of affairs we have here ! Knocked my 
 aunt into the well, and in all probability drowned 
 her too! Oh ! by all that is handsome, the woman 
 is as dead as a door nail." 
 
lyS Guy Ave rail. 
 
 " Is that really so ? " exclaimed the miser, 
 " Yes," was the answer, " and I dare say before 
 long we will have a coroner's jury in this place ; and 
 they will sit in judgment on that corpse, and they 
 will say that you yourself were the wilful cause of 
 her decease, and they will recommend you to be 
 hanged, and when you are going to the gallows tree 
 top, you will feel both sorry and indignant with your- 
 self, because you did not exercise some little care 
 when applying your hand to that venerable dame, 
 instead of thrusting her, like a dead rat, into the 
 water." 
 
 By this time the miser began to be terribly fright- 
 ened, and said he would give anything to comi)ro- 
 mise the matter, even to a hat full of gold, rather 
 than run the chance of being hung. 
 
 " It is a bargain," said Donald. " I'll not be too 
 hard on you, I'll take the hatful. Just help me to 
 dig a grave and bury the old woman in decency, and 
 then we can settle all the rest." The miser was only 
 too glad to accept a settlement of any kind, so he 
 assisted Donald to bury his aunt, and afterwards paid 
 the cash, according to the agreement. 
 
 Donald now started home with his hat full of 
 money as usual, when on approaching his farm, he met 
 his old friends Iludden and Dudden. " You are a 
 nice pair of fellows," said he once more, " you in- 
 tended, I suppose, to kill one of your offensive neigh- 
 bors, but instead of that you only frightened to death 
 my poor old housekeeper. And as luck would have 
 it I have received a proper reward for her venerable 
 remains. See here, I have the full of my hat of gold ! 
 You never heard, I dare say, of the wonderful de- 
 
Guy Aver all. 179 
 
 mand for old wives bones that exists at present in all 
 parts of the country." 
 
 " Dear me," said they, " that is strange — why 
 what in the world could any person require with old 
 wives bones in this intelligent age and nation ?" 
 
 "Why to make them into gunpowder," was the 
 immediate answer, 
 
 "Well if that be so," said Hudden and Dudden 
 " we will both go, and each kill one of our aunts, 
 and see if we cannot obtain a couple of hatfulls of 
 gold likewise." They accordingly perpetrated the 
 deed, just as they had said, slung the remains over 
 their shoulders, started into town and began shout- 
 ing at the top of their voices " who will buy old wives 
 for gunpowder ! who will buy old wives for gunpow- 
 der !" But all the boys of the place, instead of buy- 
 ing the wives from them as they had anticipated, 
 gathered together in a crowd, and commenced pelt- 
 ing them with stones till they drove them out of the 
 place, Hudden and Dudden therefore left the vil- 
 lage, in a terrible fit of disgust, went home, and 
 vowed all sorts of vengeance on their more fortunate 
 neighbor. 
 
 The day following the two worthies met, so they 
 then and there contrived another plot, namely, that 
 they would both go, seize hold of Donald, carry him 
 off, and drown him. This design, before long, they 
 put in execution. They got a big sack, put it over 
 Donald's head, thrust him into it, tied it fast, and 
 then carried both it and its contents towards a river 
 that ran at some distance from their house. They 
 had not gone far when they met a hound running 
 after a fox, and as the fox seemed to be pretty well 
 
I So Guy Ave rail. 
 
 exhausted, they thought they would enjoy the sport. 
 So away they started for some distance, thinking they 
 would see the termination of the chase. Meanwhile 
 Donald, being left on the road, tied up in a sack, 
 began to sing. Soon a drover came along with a 
 herd of cattle, and as the man came near to Donald, 
 he stopped and asked him what he was singing 
 about ? 
 
 "I!" said Donald, speaking from the inside of 
 the sack, " Do you really wish to know ? I am sing- 
 ing because I am going straight to the Kingdom of 
 Heaven. I am sure any person ought to feel well 
 satisfied on account of leaving this wicked, envious 
 world, and having all the blessed joys of Paradise be- 
 fore him." 
 
 "Going to Paradise!" exclaimed the drover. 
 ** And are you really sure you are going to that blessed 
 place ?" 
 
 "Certain of it," responded Donald, "it is on 
 account of that certainly I am now enjoying myself 
 here." 
 
 *' If you really are certain of your destination," 
 said the drover, " I willingly would exchange with 
 you, for the more I see of this wicked world, the more 
 disgusted am I with its deceit, pretension and selfish- 
 ness." 
 
 " If you wish to exchange places with me," 
 answered Donald, " I am willing to do so provided 
 you allow me that drove of cattle, now under your 
 care, by way of bounty in the transfer." 
 
 " A bargain," exclaimed the drover. So, in an 
 instant the sack was opened, Donald came out, the 
 drover took his place, and Donald taking possession 
 
Guy Ave rail. i8i 
 
 of the cattle, brouglit them home, and drove them to 
 pasture on his farm. 
 
 Meanwhile, as soon as Hudden and Dudden had 
 satisfied themselves by chasing the fox, they both 
 came back, took the sack in their arms, and deposited 
 it and its contents in the river. Great however was 
 their surprise when they came home, to see the farm 
 of Donald filled with the choicest cows, and the man 
 whom they had supposed to be drowned, sitting 
 quite contentedly at his own door ! 
 
 "You are a nice pair of fellows," shouted Donald 
 once more. " You thought, forsooth, you would ruin 
 me by carrying me off to the river, and attempting to 
 drown me in it. Instead of all that, however, it was 
 the most fortunate circumstance that could possibly 
 have happened. Such droves and herds of cattle as 
 there are grazing down under the water ! Why, if I 
 had proper assistance I could have secured not only 
 the paltry collection of animals now before me, but a 
 herd ten times as great. I never saw such splendid 
 longhorns as there are down at the bottom of that 
 river. It would do any person good to look at 
 them." 
 
 " If that is so," said they, *' we too would like to 
 secure a portion of them ourselves. Are you willing 
 to show us the way ?" 
 
 " I am," said Donald, " on two conditions. First 
 that you will let me alone in the future ; and second, 
 that you will give me a third of the cattle you may 
 secure in that place." 
 
 " Agreed," said they, as if anxious to make a big 
 haul. 
 
 Away they started, while Donald was careful to 
 
iSa Guy A vera 11 
 
 lead his persecutors to the broadest and deepest part 
 of the river. " That is the place," said he, " where 
 the cattle are grazing — all you have to do is to fol- 
 low my movements. I'll just step back, a few yards, 
 so as to make a good jump ; and as soon as I dis- 
 appear under the water you can follow me. If we 
 do not soon afterwards secure some of the finest 
 beeves in existence, why then you need never address 
 me afterwards as Donald O'Leary. 
 
 *' Hold on," said they, " since you have shown us 
 the way we have no further need of your assistance. 
 Wm are both healthy and strong, and can secure the 
 cattle for ourselves." 
 
 Led away by their greed in tliis manner, they 
 now thrust Donald aside, and first one jumped into 
 the river, and soon he was followed by the other. 
 Two little whirlpools, in the water, marked the spot 
 where each went down, so that was the end of Ilud- 
 den and Dudden. 
 
 * « * * 
 
 Such was Corporal Sullivan's recital, the story 
 being enlivened by many interpolations which we 
 have not seen fit to reproduce. After all was over, 
 the clerk Hogan remarked : " A very good story. 
 Corporal, a very good story indeed — that is to tell to 
 a crowd of soldiers, although it would hardly answer 
 to print in a child's magazine." 
 
 " I know nothing about children's magazines," 
 was the answer. *' I have told the history as it was 
 told to me, and have no further care in the matter. 
 I wonder though, if such adventures as these did 
 really ever happen ?" 
 
 "Of course they did," was the reply on the part 
 
Guy Ave rail. 1S3 
 
 of the bard, who never vouchsafed a single smile. 
 "There -is a certain air of probability about the 
 the thing, which gives it all the appearance of a real 
 transaction." 
 
 " There were many strange things that happened 
 in those old ancient times," said the philosophic Sulli- 
 van, with a sigh, " although I very much doubt tlie 
 reality of all that is said concerning Hudden and 
 Dudden." 
 
 " Why so ?" asked Hogan. 
 
 " Hold your whist, man," was the rejoinder, " for 
 in the first place how could a lot of live cattle live 
 under the water ; and again how could a common 
 magpie learn such an elegantly written language as 
 the Latin." 
 
 II. 
 
 The voyage to Florida was, on the whole, a 
 pleasant one, with little variety in it beyond the 
 change from a cold, to a more genial climate. Occa- 
 sionally, during the passage, might be seen that most 
 majestic object at sea, a ship in full sail, appearing at 
 one time as an indistinct patch on the horizon, and 
 later, as the many winged cruiser of the deep that 
 she really is. Sometimes a column of water, ascend- 
 ing into the air, indicated the spot where a porpoise 
 was blowing ; or anon, in the immediate vicinity of 
 the Peerless, a gay colored " Portuguese man-of-war," 
 the Physalia arcthusa of naturalists, might be ob- 
 served, drifting over the surface of the blue sea, and 
 challenging many an incjuiry, as to its place of 
 departure, and ultimate destination. On the fifth 
 or sixth day after leaving New York, that singular 
 
184 Gtiy Aver all. 
 
 curiosity, the " Hole in the Wall " became visible ; 
 the ** Hole " being neither more nor less than a 
 perforation through one of the smaller islands be- 
 longing to the Bahamas, occasioned, no doubt, by 
 the action of the sea on the soft rock of which the 
 group is composed. Then the southern extremity of 
 Florida was passed, a light-house, here and there 
 rising apparently out of the water, marked the general 
 direction of the long line of reefs which extended 
 for fully a hundred miles into the Gulf of Mexico. 
 At Tortugas, the extreme point of this reef, the vessel 
 stopped for several hours, in order to discharge some 
 stores intended for the use of the Engineers at work 
 on the fort just commenced at that place. Here a 
 couple of residents belonging to the island came on 
 board, and offered for sale some of the coral that is 
 found at this place, along with several samjjles of the 
 sea-shells and other curiosities which abound in the 
 vicinity. The general appearance of these islands 
 was not inviting, indeed they are nothing but a 
 collection of low beaches of sand, standing in the 
 midst of the ocean, and covered in some places with 
 a collection of bushes, and a few mangrove trees, 
 here and there on them. The phrenologist, Petersen, 
 however, being a scientific man, chose to consider 
 the Tortugas as very interesting spot, and mentioned 
 among other things that the growth of coral, as 
 observed in these places, had furnished pretty accu- 
 rate data for estimating the age of the adjacent coast 
 of Florida, a portion of the country of a very recent 
 origin, in a geological sense, but which, according to 
 scientific evidence, must nevertheless, have been ever 
 so many hundreds of thousands of years in forming. 
 
Guy Aver all. 185 
 
 After disposing of her freight at Tortugas, the Peer- 
 less finally cleared for Tampa Bay, distant one 
 hundred and fifty or two hundred miles from the 
 spot where they now were, and on the twelfth day 
 after leaving New York, she eventually reached her 
 destination. With some feelings of interest and curi- 
 osity, such soldiers as had not yet visited the South, 
 now examined the outline of the country, which was 
 to be, for several months, the scene of their future 
 service. It presented the features usually found in 
 the Gulf coast; a low beach of white sand, just 
 above the line of the water, a blue sky and blue 
 waves, with interminable forests of the dark colored 
 pitch pine of the South in the distance. On account 
 of the shallowness of the water, the vessel could not 
 approach any nearer the town than the outside bay. 
 From this point a boat was dispatched to Tampa, 
 with intelligence that the Twenty-sixth Artillery had 
 arrived ; and accordingly in the course of a few hours 
 a lighter appeai'ed to convey the troops on shore. All 
 got on board, and the sails were hoisted ; before long, 
 however, the wind died away and the schooner re- 
 mained on the water " as idle as a painted ship upon 
 a painted ocean." This was vexatious, for officers 
 and men were alike tired of their long imprisonment, 
 and heartily longed to set their foot on terra firma 
 once more. In the end, however, a kedge anchor 
 was dropped in a boat, carried some distance ahead 
 and then let go ; when Guy, with some other soldiers 
 were sent to haul it in, so that by dint of lifting and 
 hauling, and again lifting and hauling the command 
 finally reached the shore. The troops were then 
 marched from the wharf to their barracks, a set of 
 
1 86 Guy Ave rail. 
 
 low buildings one story in height with a piazza in front 
 and rear. Here the men were dismissed, and imme- 
 diately the work of setting their house in order 
 commenced, muskets were cleaned, rooms swept, 
 wood procured for cooking, and provisions drawn 
 from the Commissary. The quarters occupied by the 
 officers had also to be "emptied, swept and garnished," 
 and for this a number of men were specially sent. 
 The older soldiers, who had been in Florida before, 
 went through these preparations in a half mechanical 
 sort of a way, as if they had long been acustomed to 
 the various incidents of campaigning. As to the 
 younger ones, they could not resist the temptation 
 as soon as their quarters were cleaned, of sallying 
 out, so as to institute an examination into the sur- 
 roundings of the place. No life-giving fountains, 
 such as were dreamed of by the early discoverers in 
 Florida were visible — these had all dried up — but to 
 the right, left, and front, as far as the neighborhood 
 was examined, a weary waste of ftidificrcnt sandy 
 soil was visible, although in one group, inside the 
 garrison grounds, were a number of those live oaks 
 which are peculiar to the Southern States, and which 
 were covered over with a drapery of that grey Spanish 
 moss, characteristic of that part of the country, 
 hanging from the branches of the trees in long 
 bearded-looking festoons. The latitude of the place, 
 or if we choose to change the phrase, the mildness of 
 the climate, was sufficiently indicated by the collec- 
 tion of semi-tropical plants and fruit trees which 
 ■were congregated around the officers' quarters. The 
 orange, lime, lemon, cape jessamine, banana, guava, 
 crape myrtle and several varieties of camellias were 
 
Guy Averall. 187 
 
 found here, or else around some of the better class 
 of houses in the adjoining village. But the thing 
 which chiefly interested Guy at that epoch were some 
 specimens of the country peopje that he saw ap- 
 proaching the barracks, long, tall, gaunt, sallow-look- 
 ing fellows these Florida " crackers " were ; without 
 shoes on their feet, at this time, but with immense 
 broad brimmed straw hats on their heads, as a sort 
 of equivalent for the former deficiency. They are 
 the same people, in fact, whom Edmund Kirk, in his 
 book, "Among the Pines" has described with so 
 much accuracy. Talk of intelligent and enlightened 
 citizens, as people frequently do in America ! There 
 never was a more inappropriate term given to any 
 set of human beings, unless indeed it were applied 
 by way of irony. And yet these men could talk 
 very dogmatically about their constitutional rights, 
 as citizens ; and argue at the same time that a white 
 person, in the Southern States, had a perfect right to 
 buy and sell a negro ! As to that unfortunate class 
 a number of them were seen, assembled under a shed, 
 engaged in piling up a quantity of corn, which was 
 intended for the use of the quartermaster of the 
 Post. Some of the " darkies," it was observed, had 
 profiles which strongly suggested the probability of 
 the Darwinian hypothesis ; one or two, however, had 
 countenances which might have done credit to many 
 a European. Guy spoke to one of these Africans, 
 whose face seemed to indicate more than average in- 
 telligence, and learned from him that he was born in 
 Maryland, was subse(iucntly brought into Virginia, 
 where he married, was afterward separated from his 
 wife, and then sold to a planter in Florida, who had 
 
1 88 Guy Ave rail. 
 
 now hired him out for tlie sum of twelve dollars a 
 month to the United States government. There 
 was no use of denying the fact, the man spoke with 
 evident feeling and sense, and Guy certainly thought 
 it curious that a country which boasted of its free- 
 dom, the person before him should be bought and 
 sold like a chattel. 
 Eut — 
 
 Vice is a monster of so frightful mien, 
 That to be hated, needs but to be seen ; 
 But seen too oft, familiar with her face 
 We first endure, then pity, then embrace. 
 
 And in this connection, it may be observed, that 
 some of the greatest admirers of slavery in days gone 
 by, were to be found among those who were brought 
 up under far different auspices. The fate of the 
 negro has been a singular one in America ; at one 
 time shamefully oppressed ; at another successively 
 elevated, he has never had exact justice done him 
 by either his friends or his enemies. What the col- 
 ored man really wants, at present, in America, is 
 protection for life and property according to law, 
 as he would haVe in any civilized country in the 
 world with the opportunity of bettering his condition, 
 just as we afford the same chance to every white 
 emigrant who comes to our shores. And if any cer- 
 tain African shows himself to be a capable and hon- 
 est person for a public position, for heaven's sake do 
 not let the color of his skin be an obstacle in attain- 
 ing it. But on the other hand do not let so-called 
 ** political necessities," serve as an excuse for thrust- 
 ing him into a place for which he has no possible 
 qualification ; do not let the fact that all men are 
 
*Guy Averall. 1S9 
 
 entitled to protection as citizens of the same country 
 be confounded with the equally important fact that the 
 art of government is in reality one of the most diffi- 
 cult of arts ; and spite of the universal suffrage 
 which at present obtains support, that no person 
 should be allowed to dabble in politics, unless he has 
 some previous training, either by education, habits 
 of life or a converse with universal principles. 
 
 III. 
 
 The day after the arrival of the Twenty-sixth 
 Artillery at Tampa, a part of Guy's company was 
 sent out, as an escort, to a train of wagons about to 
 proceed into the interior of the country ; and of this 
 detachment Blodgett the irresistible was given com- 
 mand. The remaining portion of Company "E" 
 was ordered to unload a government transport, the 
 Fashion, then running between the coast of Florida 
 and New Orleans ; and as Guy Averall had already 
 established a reputation for good natural bodily 
 strength he was elected for the latter duty. The boat 
 was loaded with hay, oats, and such commissary 
 stores as are required for the use of troops, so 
 that while occupied in the way he now was, our 
 friend had a very good opportunity of developing his 
 muscular abihty by rolling up barrels of pork, lifting 
 up bales of hay, slinging bags of grain over his 
 shoulders, and amusing himself generally in these and 
 various other interesting ways. Some persons, spend- 
 ing their lives in academies and schools and other 
 high places of learning, may object that the occupa- 
 tion of Averall, at this time, was neither statesman- 
 like nor intellectual. Alas ! is it not true, that the 
 
1 9© Gtty Averall. 
 
 -world, at present, is devoured with too much intel- 
 lect ; and for the hard manual labor of life no one is 
 left to perform its functions. 
 
 In the labor of love in which Guy was at present 
 engaged, he found a chum and associate , Paddy 
 Oakley by name, who deserves in this connection, a 
 passing notice. Patrick was by nature one of the 
 most stupid men that probably ever lived ; big, 
 broad^ fat, and lazy ; he was the occasion of a few 
 laughs, and a good many scoldings, but seemed as 
 insensible to the one as the other. If Patrick was 
 lifting a bundle of provisions or rolling a bale of 
 hay with Guy, and the thing seemed too heavy, the 
 fellow would instantly let it go with a "be gorra, 
 that thing is too much for mc," and then the whole 
 weight would come on Averall. On one occasion a 
 barrel having slipped out of his hand, and fallen on 
 Guy's toes, the latter was tempted to give his friend 
 Patrick a smart cuff, by way of requital, but the other 
 took the affront so good naturedly that from that 
 day henceforth, Guy could never lay a finger on the 
 offender. For all this Private Oakley paid him in 
 full, for many and frequent were the burdens that 
 Guy was compelled to bear. On only one emergency 
 could Oakley be relied on for doing his duty — that 
 was to say when dinner was served ; for Paddy was 
 always blessed with a generous appetite. On these 
 occasions Hogan seemed to take peculiar delight in 
 teasing him ; for if Paddy seemed to be i)articularly 
 engaged with the victuals before him, some nonsensi- 
 cal question was sure to be propounded as a means 
 of interrupting the Irishman's satisfaction, and then 
 the scowl that passed over Oakley's face gave sufH- 
 
Guy Aver all. 191 
 
 cient evidence of the indignation which was felt by 
 that worthy individual. 
 
 Before his advent at Tampa Bay, it is related, 
 that Oakley on one occasion had an opportunity of 
 bettering his condition, for the Doctor on Governor's 
 Island, being in want of a cook, saw fit to apply to 
 Sergeant Heidenrick, who promised to send a " good, 
 useful, intelligent man" to wait upon that func- 
 tionary. Paddy's appearance when he reported 
 to the Doctor was somewhat against him, so the 
 latter thought it proper and right to institute 
 some inquiry as to the attainments of his servant. 
 "Have you ever cooked before, was the ques- 
 tion ?" 
 
 " Best cook in the Company, sir," said Oakley 
 with that modest assurance so acceptable in one of 
 his race. 
 
 "Very well that will do. I have ordered some 
 lettuce, to-days, from New York. Be careful how you 
 prepare it for table, for at this season of the year I 
 consider it a very great delicacy." 
 
 Oakley promised to obey, and in due time placed 
 a covered dish on the table. The Doctor, on sitting 
 down, saw proper to ask for his favorite vegetable, 
 when Oakley without moving another muscle, pointed 
 like a finger post to a particular spot on the board. 
 The Surgeon in his anxiety removed the cover, and 
 there to be sure, was the lettuce, well boiled, with a 
 big piece of pork stuck in its midst by way of sea- 
 soning. It is needless to say that after this proof of 
 his skill, the Doctor saw fit to dispense with the 
 services of his subordinate. 
 
 Paddy's end was, on the whole, a tragical one, 
 13 
 
192 Guy Aver all. 
 
 and his fate ought to serve as a warning to all fat 
 recruits when stationed in such a place as Florida. 
 One day, when engaged in his usual labors at the 
 wharf, an officer appeared, bound for New Orleans; 
 but who, in the hurry of departure, seemed appa- 
 rently to have forgotten his baggage. " I want some 
 of you men," said an old irascible martinet. Major 
 Jewett by name, who was standing at the time on 
 board the Fashion, " I want some of you men to 
 run up to Lieutenant Brown's quarters, and bring 
 down his carpet-bag." No one appeared immedi- 
 ately to attend to the summons, so in the end Oakley 
 was singled out, and told to start for the missing 
 article without delay. 
 
 " Run, sir, run," shouted old Jewett, " and don't 
 keep the boat waiting here all morning. If you 
 don't move those big, lazy legs of yours, sir, Fll let 
 you feel the weight of this stick before you are many 
 minutes older." 
 
 The threat thus enunciated proved suflicient to 
 stir up Paddy. Away he went on what is known as 
 a jog trot, and after a reasonable delay he re- 
 appeared with iln old grain-bag, suspended between 
 his thumb and forefinger. 
 
 What is that you have got, you thundering 
 scoundrel ?" again shouted Jewett at the top of his 
 voice. 
 
 " The bag sir — the Liftinant's bag, just as you 
 told me," responded Paddy, to whose mind a bag for 
 clothing and a sack for grain were evidently one and 
 the same article. 
 
 " You thundering rascal, go back," roared out 
 the Major. "Ask my servant for Lieutenant Brown's 
 
Guy Averall. 193 
 
 carpet-bag, and hurry back, or I'll break every bone 
 in your body." 
 
 Oakley once more hurried off, and in due time 
 appeared with the intended article in his hand — 
 doubtless the servant at Major Jewett's quarters had 
 handed it to him, and thus prevented any further 
 mistakes. But the race and the excitement, and the 
 scolding of the irritable old Major on that eventful 
 day, proved too much for poor Patrick. " Oakley," 
 said Ilogan, as he surveyed his comrade with a half- 
 comical smile, "I have seen you do a thing to-day 
 that I never supposed you capable of accomplish- 
 ing, that is to run, but mark my words, that race for 
 the carpet-sack will yet be the cause of your death." 
 These words, although uttered in jest, proved pro- 
 phetical, for the very next day Oakley complained 
 of a headache and wervt to the Hospital. The head- 
 ache finally developed into a fever, and in spite of 
 all the care of a nurse and the skill of a physician, 
 ^ the poor fellow got worse and worse, till in the long 
 run he was forced to succumb. lie died in the 
 Hospital, was carried out of it and buried in the 
 little graveyard belonging to the Military Post at 
 Tami^a. So that was the end of Private Patrick 
 Oakley. 
 
194 G'^y Avcrall. 
 
 IV. 
 In the same graveyard, at a short distance from 
 the spot where the worthy Irishman is interred, is a 
 plain slab, on which appears the following inscription : 
 
 t 
 
 SACRED 
 
 TO THE MEMORY 
 
 OK 
 
 LIEUT. LUCIUS O'BRIEN, 
 
 of the 8th Reg't, U. S. Infy, 
 
 who died at Tampa Bay, Fla., 
 
 7th Jan'y, l34i, 
 
 aged 37 years. 
 
 — o — 
 
 Rtquiescat in pacf. 
 
 Erected by his brother ofEcers. 
 
 This simple monument deserves more than a 
 passing notice, for under it lies buried the author of 
 tliat song, which 'api^eals so kindly to the American 
 soldier's heart : 
 
 Come fill your glasses, fellows, and stand up in a row, 
 To singing sentimentally, we're going for to go, 
 In the Army there's sobriety, promotion's very slow, 
 So we'll join in reminiscences of Benny Haven's oh ! 
 
 Oh Benny Haven's oh ! Oh Benny Haven's oh ! 
 
 So we'll join in reminescences of Benny Haven's oh ! 
 
 O'Brien, a native of Baltimore, was educated as 
 a Surgeon, and served in that capacity in the Army 
 for some time, but, afterwards resigned, and was sub- 
 
Guy Avcrall. 195 
 
 sequently appointed a Lieutenant in that Regiment 
 where he died. Tradition informs us that while 
 sharing a soldier's weakness, he was a great favorite 
 in his Regiment, and as a consequence a supple- 
 mentary stanza of the song is dedicated to his memory . 
 
 From the courts of death and danger, from Tampa's deadly shore. 
 
 Comes up a wail of manly grief, O'Brien is no more ! 
 
 In the land of sun and flowers, his head is pillowed low, 
 
 No more he'll sing " petite coquille " or '* Benny Haven's oh !" 
 
 "Well, peace to his ashes ! there have been greater 
 names and persons of more exalted rank in the 
 service, but none appeals more tenderly to the feel- 
 ings of the Army, than does the author of Benny 
 Haven's. 
 
 In some four or five weeks after the arrival of the 
 Twenty-Sixth Artillery in Florida, that excellent 
 gentleman and scholar. Private Timothy Ryan, made 
 his appearance, and as some compensation for the 
 indignities he had suffered while under the civil 
 authorities in New York, he was promoted to the 
 position of Corporal. To the good Mrs. Daisy was 
 given the credit of this movement, but be the fact as 
 it may, the Corporal assumed his new fledged honor 
 with sufficient ostentation ; indeed he contrived to 
 pick up a quarrel with Averall the very morning after 
 he put on his stripes, the question in dispute being 
 the right of ownership in a set of belts, which Guy 
 had cleaned and pipeclayed with the utmost care. 
 After a few thrusts and parries on either side, by way 
 of logical discussion, the Corporal saw fit to adopt 
 the knock-down argument — that is to say he briefly 
 informed his opponent that if he did not cease talk- 
 
196 Guy Ave rail. 
 
 ing and " spaikin " in the way he was now doing, he 
 the Corporal, would be obliged to "level him." A9 
 Guy did not consider the matter at issue of sufficient 
 importance to bring before his commanding officer, 
 he was obliged to surrender the set of equipment! 
 which he thought were undoubtedly his own ; and, 
 in order to avoid any further difficulty with a man 
 whom he inwardly despised, he ceased all attempts at 
 argument, and quietly subsided. But Averall, as the 
 event proved, was not entirely without friends, for 
 Hogan immediately took up his case, and with some 
 of that light banter, of which he was master, soon 
 contrived to turn the tables on the non-commissioned 
 officer. " "What a wild-mannered youth you are 
 Corporal, and what a placid method you have of 
 enforcing your rights. Plow many miles of bog are 
 there between your family estate, and the nearest 
 horse fair in Ireland.''" A few thrusts like this pro- 
 duced the desired effect, and off the Corporal started 
 at a tangent. " Oh I see very well how you are all 
 here — in a regular combination to abuse and brow- 
 beat every poor dissolute stranger who does not hap- 
 pen to plaise yoli. The sorra such a Company as 
 this in the United States service." But as Ryan's 
 protestations were not accompanied with any overt 
 act, he was allowed to talk for a while, and then 
 ceased grumbling. 
 
 After some time, the detatchment of men under 
 the command of Lieutenant Blodgett having returned 
 to Fort Brooke, it was determined to send three 
 companies of the Regiment down the coast to the 
 Caloosahatchie River, so as to establish a new post 
 in the Indian country. Orders to that effect were 
 
 I 
 
Guy Aver all. 197 
 
 accordingly issued ; and the troops designated were 
 directed to take passage on the Fashion, and proceed 
 to the southern part of the peninsular. The old 
 scene of shifting quarters was now repeated, blankets 
 were folded, knapsacks packed, and a supply of fat 
 pork and biscuit was thrust into each man's knap- 
 sack. Finally the command was on the way to its 
 ultimate destination. 
 
 The coast of Florida, south of Tampa Bay, pre- 
 sents the same general outline as that portion already 
 described. The climate still seemed genial ; the sky 
 and water were still blue, the land flat, the lead was 
 kept constantly going from the bow of the boat lest 
 she should run aground. Sometimes, towards the 
 shore, a few turkey buzzards could be seen, circling 
 around and around in the air, or perhaps keeping 
 watch and ward over a fallen carcass from the top 
 branches of an old blasted pine. Sometimes the sea 
 seemed full of medusae, which kept moving back- 
 ward and forward through the water with the curious 
 Iconvulsive motion characteristic of that group of 
 animals ; anon the boat passed over a bottom cov- 
 ered apparently with sponges, for in this particular 
 part of the Gulf of Mexico our chief supply of these 
 animals is obtained. Here and there, when the 
 waters appeared brackish, could be seen a long life- 
 less looking object, stretched on the shore ; this was 
 an alligator, taking his ease, in the sun, unconscious 
 apparently of every thing that was going on around 
 him. Finally the site of the new post was reached, 
 the troops went ashore, hunted up a spring of some- 
 what indifferent water that was known to exist in 
 the vicinity ; cleared a spot of ground a few rods in 
 
198 Guy Aver all. 
 
 extent, landed some supplies, and then slept on their 
 arms during the night. Next morning, work was 
 resumed, a further piece of ground was cleared of 
 its undergrowth of stunted palmetto and cacti, the 
 remaining part of the stores belonging to the com- 
 mand were landed, and after this was effected, the 
 Fashion again took her departure for New Orleans. 
 A tent for the officers was now put up, and the men, 
 after their days' work was over, amused themselves 
 in various ways, telling stories, singing songs, and 
 manufacturing witticisms chiefly of a broadly comic 
 nature, till the call for tattoo was beaten. A guard 
 had meanwhile been selected and a cordon of sen- 
 tinels was established at some distance from the 
 camp, with orders to be particularly vigilant during 
 the night, lest the Redskins should attack the cam- 
 mand, Indians, however, rarely attack when troops 
 are vigilant, and in the present instance every thing 
 remained quiet on the Caloosahatchie till morning. 
 
 For the next three months the command was 
 about equally divided — one half of it was regularly 
 employed on Guard duty, and to the remainder was 
 assigned the erection of such buildings as are neces- 
 sary to constitute a military post. Logs had to be 
 cut, shingles made, and houses put up, while the 
 ground, for a certain distance around the camp, was 
 cleared of the usual growth of chapparal. As to the 
 rest, the situation of the soldiers at Fort Myers, in 
 many respects, was not an unpleasant one, for the 
 weather during the winter months, except when a 
 "norther "set in, was remarkably fine ; while game 
 was plentiful in the woods, and the fish in the river 
 was also quite abundant. The great drawback to 
 
Guy Aver all. 199 
 
 the place was the want of good water, and as the 
 season advanced, the sand-fleas and mosquitoes be- 
 came almost unendurable. 
 
 ' V. 
 
 Books at this time, of course, were out of the 
 question ; but as an offset, it may be mentioned that 
 during that period, Averall's friend, Moldwell, took 
 considerable interest in him ; and in their rambles 
 here and there, when not employed in any particular 
 duty, our young friend received a good many very 
 valuable hints from the Scot. The history of Mold- 
 well may be briefly told. When young he had fol- 
 lowed the occupation of weaver in Glasgow, but in 
 a season of commercial distress he had enlisted as a 
 soldier in the English Army, served some time in 
 India, and afterwards emigrated to the United States. 
 Here he had put in three successive enlistments, of 
 five years each, and although now close on the age 
 of fifty, he still seemed willing to devote himself as 
 food for powder. But the creditable thing about 
 Moldwell was this, that whatever leisure time he had 
 was devoted to mental improvement ; and hence he 
 furnished an excellent example of the well conducted 
 soldier, such as we occasionally find among the en- 
 listed men of the Army. And let no one say that 
 the account which we give of the Scot is an exagger- 
 ated one ; for knowledge, in this age of the world, 
 cannot by any possibility be a sealed book. Indeed, 
 as far as mental discipline is concerned, Private 
 Moldwell had all the characteristics that a liberal 
 training could give. Seated in his barrack room, a 
 book was constantly in his hand, and in this way he 
 
200 Guy Averall. 
 
 had gained a very capable knowledge of the literature 
 of his own country. Such compositions as the Para- 
 dise Lost of Milton, the poems of his countryman, 
 Bums, or that marvellous concentration of wit, wis- 
 dom, and sense, the Essays of Bacon, were all 
 dilligently studied by him, and as a consequence his 
 mind and heart was fully imbued with their ideas 
 and sentiments. With one foreign language, in addi- 
 tion, he was so familiar as to read it with tolerable 
 ease ; and was thus enabled to compare the habits of 
 thought most prevalent in another country with these 
 which were current in his own. Indeed the only 
 defect that was observable in Moldwell's character 
 was this, that he had not that enviable knack of 
 money-making, which is at present a prime refjuisite 
 in modern life ; and although the man could discuss 
 questions of morals and metaphysics at length, yet 
 in mere pecuniary matters, he was almost as unsophis- 
 ticated as a child. Yes, and what was still worse, 
 there was not the slightest likelihood that, in this 
 direction, there would be any marked improvement 
 for the better. 
 
 One day, the two friends were rambling together 
 through the woods, when Guy Averall seemed some- 
 what inclined to indulge in pitiful complaints, " I 
 know," said he, " that in certain directions I am pro- 
 gressing, for in all the labors necessary to the public 
 service at Fort Myers, I bear an honorable, if not a 
 very distinguished part. I handle a musket, I now 
 and then pull an oar, I help to unload a steamboat, 
 engage in carrying logs, or perchance, undertake a 
 rough job of carpentry, in the way that any well- 
 disposed and able-bodied soldier is supposed to do. 
 
Guy Aver all. 201 
 
 All ibis, no doubt, is very well, and I am only glad 
 that I am able to acquit myself so creditably. And 
 yet, I candidly confess, I think I have some cause 
 for discontent. There is that brute, Ryan, whom I 
 inwardly despise, and whom I certainly think is in- 
 ferior to me, in many respects, both as a man and a 
 soldier. And yet for some reason or other he is 
 selected as a functionary in the command to which I 
 belong, and I must submit to him as if he were a 
 demigod. I really believe it is a matter of principle 
 with him to annoy me in every possible v.-ay; for if 
 there is a dirty, disagreeable job of work to be per- 
 formed round the quarters, I am sure to be the one 
 that is selected for that purpose. How does it happen, 
 in many cases, the greatest bullies and scoundrels in 
 a company are chosen as non-commissioned officers 
 in it } That is a point that I do not very well under- 
 stand. There are Petersen, Hogan and some others 
 — all of them respectable, well educated soldiers, and 
 yet they have never been advanced beyond the grade 
 of private, while Ryan, who can scarcely spell his 
 name, is placed before them all. Oh ! if our friend 
 and protector, the gallant Brigadier, would only study 
 the welfare of those * dear children,' of whom she 
 seems so very, very fond, how comfortable she might 
 make us all ! How easy it would be to keep those 
 double fisted gentlemen in their proper place, that is 
 to say as her body servants, while some worthy and 
 respectable man, such as one of those whom I have 
 named, would fill the place which they at present 
 occupy." 
 
 These reflections, querulous though they may 
 seem, were nevertheless perfectly natural to a young 
 
202 Guy Aver all. 
 
 soldier, situated as Guy was, he was nevertlieless 
 disabused of these prepossessions to a very consid- 
 erable extent by the Scotchman, who chose to act as 
 mentor on the occasion. " My dear sir," responded 
 Moldwell, after Guy had finished his story, " you 
 form a very wrong conception of the position and 
 occupation of the soldier in an army. A man does 
 not join the service for the purpose of teaching 
 geometry, or studying ethics, or attempting the quad- 
 rature of the circle, nor is he valued on account of 
 possessing all these qualities. On the contrar)^, the 
 understanding in our army is, that a good deal of 
 severe laborious work must be done ; and some duty 
 of a sufficiently unpleasant nature must be per- 
 formed. With the troops on the frontier this is par- 
 ticularly the case ; for barracks must be built, roads 
 must be made, and in many cases supply trains, and 
 surveying parties must be guarded. Now in super- 
 intending such labor as this, it frequently happens 
 that a man of inferior calibre, but with a certain 
 amount of brute courage, is really a more effective 
 person than one of more mental attainments. The 
 consequence is, that in our army, at least, the man 
 of education frequently remains a private ; or at 
 best is transformed into a clerk at Regimental or 
 Department Headquarters ; while some robustious 
 periwig-pated fellow, such as some of our non-com- 
 missioned officers now are, enjoy such rank and 
 position as the Army affords them." 
 
 " What you say,",responded Guy, " in all proba- 
 bility is true, and yet this state of things does not 
 render the service a very comfortable place for those 
 who are very sensitive about their present dignity. 
 
Guy Ave rail. 203 
 
 when subjected to the dictates of men who in essen- 
 tial matters may be decidedly their inferiors." 
 
 " Then the remedy is," said Moldwell, " not to 
 afford such persons the opportunity to bully or to 
 sneer at you. Nothing however is gained by attempt- 
 ing a discussion with a mere animal ; let him exhibit 
 his ignorance and prejudice as he may, you should 
 never make any effort to reason with him, or ten to 
 one the thing will end in some attempt at violence 
 on the part of your antagonist. The best thing 
 that can be done with such men as Lawless and 
 Ryan is to obey them in official matters, and outside 
 of that to let them severely alone. Read Mrs. Bar- 
 bauld's little essay on Inconsistent Expectations — it 
 contains a whole world of wisdom, which is applica- 
 ble to all conditions of men. Even under all possi- 
 ble disadvantages, there any many things well worth 
 your attention in the Army. There are books to 
 read, facts to be learned by observation, and that 
 general communication with external nature to be 
 kept up which every man who is not a mere clod, 
 must have enjoyed and experienced. In short, situ- 
 ated as we are, midst these pine woods and green 
 palmetto trees in the Southern extremity of Florida, 
 I cannot do better than repeat the advice once 
 given by Polonius. 
 
 Give thy thoughts no tongue, 
 Nor any unproportion thought its act ; 
 Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar. 
 The friends thou hast, and their adoption tried, 
 Grapple them to thy soul with hooks of steel 
 But do not dull thy palm with entertainment 
 Willi each new hatched, unfledged comrade. Beware 
 
2 ©4 Guy Ave rail. 
 
 Of entrance to a quarrel ; but being in 
 Bear it that the opposer may beware of them. 
 Neither a borrower nor a lender be ; 
 For a loan oft loses both itself and friend, 
 And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry. 
 This above all— To thine own self be true. 
 And it must follow, as the night the day. 
 Thou canst not then be false to any man. 
 
 " A very pretty quotation truly," replied Guy, 
 "but at present I'm so much disgusted with the 
 service that I would prefer a clean discharge from 
 it, to all the wise saws in existence. Still one thing I 
 will never do. I will never desert my colors, even if 
 every other soldier in the Company were a Ryan. 
 But already I hear the beat of the drum, so let us 
 return to our encampment." 
 
 VI. 
 
 A FEW days after, the two friends were enjoying 
 a peripatetic ramble together, when the name of the 
 American poet, Edgar A. Poe. was mentioned. 
 
 " An undoubted genius," said Guy, " that poem 
 of the Raven, vhich I read when on Governor's 
 Island, impresses itself indelibly on the memory. 
 And yet, if I understand the case aright, Edgar A. 
 Poe, who was sent in early life to the Military 
 Academy at West Point, failed to graduate there ; 
 indeed he was found " deficient," as the phrase goes, 
 the first semi-annual examination to which he was 
 subjected, and as a consequence was dismissed from 
 the institution." 
 
 " True," said Moldwell in reply, " and yet of those 
 who had Poe in charge, I doubt if there was one who 
 could compose the Raven ; or produce anything 
 
Guy Aver all. 205 
 
 approaching the grace evinced in the well-known lines : 
 
 Helen they beauty is to me, 
 
 Like those Nicean barks of yore. 
 That {rently, o'er a perfumed sea. 
 
 The weary, way-worn traveller bore 
 
 To his own native shore. 
 
 On desperate seas, long wont to roam 
 Thy hyacinth hair, thy classic face. 
 
 Thy Naiad airs, have brought me home. 
 To the glory that was Greece, 
 And the grandeur that was Rome. 
 
 Lo ! in yon brilliant window-niche. 
 
 How statue like, I see thee stand ! 
 
 The agate lamp within thy hand ! 
 
 Ah, Psyche, from the regions which. 
 Are Holy Land ! 
 
 It has been said of these verses that nothing could 
 be more dainty, airy, amber-like than them ; in point 
 of fact they are Horatian. We are told that these 
 verses were written when Poe was only fourteen ; but 
 we must either reject the statement, or reconcile our- 
 selves to a miracle. In delicacy, exquisitcness and 
 pathos the poem is unmatched by any of his later 
 compositions. And yet, it seems from the fact of 
 Poe*s dismissal from the Academy, that he either 
 could not, or would not master the very elementary 
 matter, that is taught there during the first year of 
 the student's course." 
 
 " And yet many an inferior person has accom- 
 plished this task," remarked Guy. 
 
 "All of which goes to show, in spite of some 
 di :ta to the contrary, that the poetic and technic 
 powLis are essentially different," responded Mold- 
 
2o6 Guy Averall. 
 
 well. " The former may be the more brilliant 
 quality ; but for very good reasons, the military 
 authorities prefer the latter. Poe could write verses 
 whose finish is almost unapproachable, and yet he 
 could not master the prescribed course at the Military 
 Academy, and therefore he was very properly dis- 
 missed fiom it " 
 
 " An aberration of geniu?, an evident aberration of 
 genius," exclaimed Guy. "And yet this unfortunate 
 aspirant for military honors afterwards composed the 
 the Gold Bug, and the Murder in the Rue Morgue." 
 
 " He did," replied the other speaker, " nevertheless 
 I must candidly acknowledge that on the whole the 
 ultimate proficiencies of Poe as a literary man hardly 
 corresponded with the expectations we naturally form 
 from the ability he displayed in early life. One thing 
 we must never forget, that to be great in either art, 
 literature or science, a capacity for labor is one of 
 the essential requisites. Shakspeare, Goethe and 
 Voltaire ; Titian, Rubens and Michael Angelo ; New- 
 ton, Cuvier, and Herschel ; were all as much cele- 
 brated for their application to work as for their 
 transcendent ability. Now the objection to such 
 men as Poe is this, that let their capacity be ever so 
 great, they are by nature too dissipated and reckless 
 to apply themselves steadily in any one direction, 
 Poe's life was a singularly irregular one, his history 
 being given in a biography to which I need not par- 
 ticularly advert. He was bom in Baltimore in the 
 year i8i i. His father and mother died while he was 
 a child, and the future writer was afterwards adopted 
 by a Mr. Allan, a rich merchant who had no children 
 of his own. In 1816 the little Edgar came to England, 
 
Guy Ave rail. 207 
 
 with Mr. and Mrs. Allan, and was sent to school 
 there. Some five or six years afterwards he returned 
 to America, and attended an academy at Richmond ; 
 from which he was, in due time, transferred to the 
 University of Virginia. His talent from the first was 
 conspicuous, but unhappily he developed along with 
 it, and continued throughout life to exhibit a profli- 
 gacy, almost without a parallel in the degradations of 
 genius. Expelled from College on account of his 
 whims, he returned to Mr. Allan, with whom he 
 frequently quarreled on account of that gentleman's 
 reluctance to become responsible for his debts. 
 Quitting the home of his benefactor, he started for 
 Greece, in foolish parody of Lord Byron, to take 
 part in the war of Independence against the Turks. 
 Greece he did not reach, but we find him turning up 
 at St. Petersburgh, drunk and disorderly as usual, 
 and becoming the tenant of a police cell. The min- 
 ister of the United States interested himself to pro- 
 cure his release, and send him back to i\merica. By 
 the good Mr. Allan the returning prodigal was wel- 
 comed, and on his expressing a wish to follow the 
 profession of arms, an appointment was secured for 
 him as a cadet. After his dismissal from West Point, 
 he once more had recourse to Mr. Allen ; but rumor 
 asserts that he forfeited the good will of his bene- 
 factor in a way which we hope, even for the sake of 
 Poe's reputation, is not authentic. But this we know 
 for certain, that Mr. Allan ejected Poe in a summary 
 manner from his house, and would never afterwards 
 hold any communication with him. Cast on his own 
 resources, Poe now took the same step that you and 
 I once did, that is to say he enlisted as a private 
 
2o8 Guy AvcralL 
 
 soldier, but some friends recognizing him in this 
 position, busied themselves to procure his discharge. 
 Shortly after this he began to contribute regularly to 
 the periodicals, for which he wrote in his drunken, 
 desultory way, poems, tales, criticisms and so forth. 
 His brilliant and known ability readily procured him 
 employment ; and his frantic habits of dissipation, 
 on the other hand, insured his early and ignominious 
 dismissal. He now married a cousin of his own, but 
 she shortly afterwards died, broken-hearted, it is 
 supposed by the course which her husband led. A 
 feeble attempt at teetotalism which Poe ultimately 
 made was indirectly the cause of his death. He 
 joined a temperance society, and was for some 
 months actually sober, but chancing to pass through 
 Baltimore, he was waylaid by some ancient cronies, 
 and on the morning afterwards he was found as usual, 
 lying in a gutter, from which he was carried after- 
 wards to an hospital, where he died. Such was the 
 end of this erratic nondescript." 
 
 "A somewhat strange story," remarked Guy, "As 
 far as I myself am concerned, I am thankful, never- 
 theless for one thing." 
 
 " What is that pray 1 " asked Moldwell. 
 
 "Why simply this," was the answer, "that even 
 admitting Mr. Spruce and Taper have their youth- 
 ful follies; that United States officers as a general 
 thing are more regular in their habits than Edgar A. 
 Poe was. 
 
 " The mere fact that Lieutenants Spruce and 
 Taper are graduates of the Military Academy," re- 
 sponded Moldwell, " is of itself a sufficient guarantee 
 that th:y both are reasonably well conducted men ; 
 
Guy Aver all. 209 
 
 for, let us criticize as we may, common honesty com- 
 pels us to acknowledge that most of the West Point 
 officers are of that class. And this in my opinion is 
 the great recommendation of our national school. 
 The course of instruction there may be somewhat 
 narrow ; and a few of the graduates of West Point, 
 I am sorry to say, do not seem to readily surmount 
 the narrow notions which they there imbibe, but this 
 we all must admit, that it is impossible to pass the 
 scrutiny of the instructors there unless the graduate 
 be possessed of fair technical abilities ; and is willing 
 in addition to submit to the restraints of Army dis- 
 cipline. I only wish we had a military academy for 
 the other side of the house." 
 
 " What do you mean .' " asked Guy, 
 
 " I mean for the ladies," responded Moldwell. 
 " If we only had a Military Academy to bring these 
 wives of Army officers under proper discipline. I 
 think it would be much better for us all." 
 
 " You surely jest," said Guy. 
 
 " I don't jest at all," was the rejoinder. " I con- 
 sider some of these feminine followers of Bellona, as 
 simply horrid, and among the rest, I think our good 
 friend Mrs. Daisy is one of the worst I ever met. 
 Among other things the way she tyrannizes over that 
 girl. Miss Davis, who is living with her, is simply 
 atrocious. We all had a sample of the P>rigadier's 
 spirit, the very evening before she had that fool 
 Chapeau Bras at the Hospital on Governor's Island. 
 Every one was intent on making preparations for the 
 event, and as the night was somewhat unpleasant, 
 Mrs. Daisy chose to order out the cart and the 
 Quartermaster's old horse, so as to reach the scene 
 
2IO Guy Ave rail. 
 
 of her labors at the Hospital. Afterwards, while 
 engaged in giving directions about decorating the 
 room, the Brigadier was as lovely and amiable as 
 usual ; but on a sudden she seemed to take offence 
 at some trifling thing which Miss Eleanor had cither 
 said or done. Well, sir, do you know how she chose 
 to show her lady-like temper ? Why simply by order- 
 ing back the vehicle in which she had come ! She 
 gOt into the cart, rode back to her own quarters, 
 directed the horse to be put up " lest the poor dear 
 child should catch a cold," and as a consequence 
 her niece had to trudge back to her quarters, though 
 sleet and snow, without as much as an ordinary 
 escort ! Is it a wonder, after such a transaction as 
 this, that I should long for a Military Academy in 
 order to discipline such personages as the Brigadier? 
 And am I not justified in making the prophecy that 
 if Mrs. Daisy were sent to a feminine school, of the 
 same kind that exists on the Hudson, before the first 
 six months were over she would be expelled from the 
 institution as an erratic and unruly character .?'* 
 
 VH. 
 
 On another occasion, Averall and his associate 
 were on their way to their tents, having already 
 enjoyed a short ramble in the vicinity of the camp. 
 Returning, they glanced for a moment at a small 
 howitzer which had been planted in a particular posi- 
 tion, as a protection against Indians. This piece of 
 ordnance served as the occasion of a very acute dis- 
 cussion, for Guy in the first instance saw proper to 
 remark, that he never passed by a gun of that char- 
 acter without thinking of the words of old General 
 
Guy Averall. 211 
 
 Taylor at Buena Vista, " a little more grape, Captain 
 Bragg," as an indication of the martial qualities of 
 that hero. 
 
 " A significant expression truly," was the rejoinder, 
 " and yet I doubt very much if it really ever were 
 uttered." 
 
 "But the thing has been repeated from mouth to 
 mouth all over the land," answered Averall. " No 
 life of General Taylor that ever I saw omits the 
 sentence." 
 
 " That may be so," was the reply, " still, as I said 
 before, I see great reason to doubt if the speech 
 were really ever utterred. With guns in the field, 
 we have solid shot, whose character is denoted by its 
 name ; we have shells, which are intended to be burst 
 by an interior charge ; we have shrapnell, a shell 
 filled with powder and bullets, and lastly we have 
 canister formed by compressing a number of small 
 iron balls in a tin case. As to grape, nine big bullets 
 bound together by a ring and a screw, it is reserved 
 entirely in our Service for guns in position. How 
 then, in the name of common sense, could General 
 Taylor order Captain Bragg to use grape in a place 
 where no grape was to be had, and with a kind of 
 gun which never employed it." 
 
 "I'm sure," said Guy, " I don't know — the thing 
 I admit is something of a puzzle." 
 
 " The fact that a phrase is frequently repeated in 
 this way," said the Scot, " is no proof whatever that 
 it is true ; it merely shows that it is popular. In the 
 case now before us the explanation is as follows : 
 General Taylor was nominated as a candidate for 
 the Presidency, a catch word was wanted that would 
 
«i2 Guy A vera! I. 
 
 appeal to the sentiments of the masses, everyone in 
 America at that time felt jubilant over the results of 
 the Mexican war, the phrase " a little more grape 
 Captain Bragg " was invented as a formula well 
 adapted to tickle the fancy ; the thing took ; the 
 words spread ; Captain Bragg and his grape was 
 mentioned everywhere ; and as a final result the 
 good-natured, well-meaning, hard-fighting, honest old 
 veteran, who is said to have employed these terms on 
 the battle field, was triumphantly proclaimed the first 
 magistrate of the country." 
 
 " If that be true," responded Guy, " I have noth- 
 ing more to say. 1 only regret to find that you have 
 destroyed the coherence of a very pretty little story, 
 which we all loved to repeat." 
 
 " It is a pity to mention it," continued Moldwell, 
 " yet nevertheless the fact remains true, that some of 
 the most celebrated mots in existence, would hardly 
 obtain credence if submitted to a critical test. Take 
 for instance that attributed to the Duke of Welling- 
 ton " up guards and at them," said to be delivered 
 to a portion of the English troops by their com- 
 mander on the field of Waterloo. Now this saying 
 has passed from mouth to mouth as a veritable fact, 
 and has been incorporated even into some respecta- 
 ble histories, was nevertheless most stoutly denied by 
 Wellington himself, on every possible occasion. So 
 with the words " the guard dies but never surrend- 
 ers." This phrase attributed to Cambourne was also 
 vehemently repudiated by him. In fact we know 
 that the saying was invented by Rougemont, a pro- 
 lific author of mots, a couple of days after the battle.'' 
 
 " Well," said Guy, somewhat astonished, for in 
 
Guv Averall. 
 
 213 
 
 truth the information thus given to him was quite 
 new, ** you almost destroy my credence in events 
 whose authenticity, a short time ago, I ahiiost imagined 
 to be beyond the reach of controversy." 
 
 " I would not destroy your credence," was the 
 reply, " but this I wish to point out that history, as it 
 is called, is usually compounded of fact and fable ; 
 and any person would surely contribute to our intel- 
 lectual progress who might compile a code of exami- 
 nation by which we can separate the one from the 
 other. Indeed the times seem propitious for such 
 an organon, since our trust even in lettered books is 
 no longer so enduring as it once was. A few hints 
 perchance may suffice. For instance, your own 
 experience in the Army convinces you, that with 
 some local differences of sentiment the natives of far 
 distant countries are at bottom essentially the same. 
 Now is it too much to extend this principle in another 
 direction, and assume that the men who lived eighteen 
 hundred or two thousand years ago, did not, in their 
 natures, differ very greatly from us ? This assumption 
 is the leading characteristic of the critical spirit of 
 which we all have heard so much of late. It pre- 
 sumes that the world of Numa or of Augustus is essen- 
 tially the same world that now surrounds us, and 
 then seeks to explain the current belief of past ages 
 by an examination of the circumstances under which 
 these beliefs may have been formed. For instance, 
 if a city at any time becomes great and powerful, 
 there is a strong disposition to deify its founders, 
 and hence such persons as Theseus or Romulus are 
 invested with the most extraordinary gifts. The lives 
 of the saints may be laughed at, and yet to me they 
 
214 Guy Aver all. 
 
 arc full of instruction. They show mc the opinions, 
 the purjioses and the prejudices of the men who 
 V. rote these lives ; the code of criticism that they 
 employed, and how far a glorious ideality tempered 
 the severity of their judgment. We may doubt if the 
 good Saint Denis walked two full miles with his head 
 under his arm, after that portion of the body had 
 been cut off ; and question if Saint George of Cap- 
 padocia really slew the famous dragon at Beyrout 
 with which he is credited. But never will we find 
 fault with a meek grey-headed old cordelier if he 
 really happens to believe these ancient verities." 
 
 " I think I understand your way of looking at 
 things " said Guy. 
 
 " In reading history too," continued Moldwell, 
 " we must take into account the prejudices and pur- 
 poses of the author who composed the narrative ; for 
 it is very rare, indeed, to find a historian who is 
 strictly impartial. If one man wishes to extol mon- 
 archical principles, he gives us a history of Europe, 
 in which everything in favor of republicanism is 
 studiously suppress«.d ; if another has a liking for 
 Napoleon the gerierous acts of his life are displayed 
 to full advantage ; wliilehis selfishness, his meanness, 
 and his despotic will are passed over as leniently as 
 possible. Macaulay gives us a huge whig essay, 
 while writing his account ; and Hume, on the other 
 hand, takes pleasure in portraying the. fate of one of 
 the Stuarts. Finally, it must not be forgotten that 
 the elements of time and place are important ingredi- 
 ents in estimating the credibility of writers in an 
 uncritical age ; for those who live near the period or 
 locality they describe, are usually much more trust- 
 
Guy Aver all. 215 
 
 worthy than those who live far away from them. 
 Livy tells us that wonderful story about Hannibal 
 breaking rocks in the Alps by means of vinegar ; 
 while Polybius, who lived much earlier, does not 
 notice the circumstance. In the same way your 
 countryman, Saint Patrick, writes a life of himself, 
 which is as uiiostentatious and apparently as truth- 
 ful as anything of the kind can possibly be. But 
 when the MonkColgan, who wrote in the seventeenth 
 century, is required to submit his compilation, all 
 the foolish old legends that could be collected about 
 the patron Saint, previous to the time that Colgan 
 composed his work, are thrust haphazard into the 
 record." 
 
SWEET WILLIAM. 
 
 I. 
 
 In about three months from the date of the estab- 
 lishment in Fort Myers, the term of enHstment in 
 the case of Sergeant Ernest Heidenrick had expired; 
 that official, therefore, received his discharge and 
 went north, so that his connection with the Twenty- 
 sixth Artillery was now severed. About the same 
 time Captain Daisy was obliged to leave Florida ; 
 his health had indeed been suffering a good deal of 
 late, the climate of Fort Myers was not a desirable 
 one for an invalid; and hence he had been obliged 
 to apply for a leave of absence. In consequence of 
 this change, the command of Company *' E " was 
 now transferred to I-ieutenant Spruce; while, as a 
 result of Heidenrick's discharge, it became necessary 
 to choose a I St Sergeant, in order to properly admin- 
 ister the affairs of that organization. For this office 
 the names of several soldiers were proposed, and 
 Ryan in particular was strongly recommended on 
 account of the bodily strength he was supposed to 
 possess ; an all important quality according to some 
 authorities, in choosing the non-commissioned officers 
 of a Company. But, in the long run. Corporal Law- 
 less was selected as the proper man, because, in the 
 first place, he was a good drill instructor, and sec- 
 ondly a handsome fellow, while one of the officers 
 argued very astutely, that if a row arose after pay 
 216 
 
Gtiy Ave rail. 217 
 
 day, in consequence of a little -too much whiskey 
 among the troops, and it became necessary to knock 
 down a man or too, that Lawless could readily call 
 in Ryan as his assistant, settle the case in a moment, 
 and then each of these subordinates could return to 
 their appropriate duties. This plan, which evinced 
 considerable ingenuity, seemed to meet with un- 
 qualified approval, so Lawless and Ryan were both 
 made Sergeants, and to the former was assigned the 
 charge of the Company. These appointments seemed 
 to gratify those immediately benefited — indeed it was 
 noted that Ryan and Lawless both sat down and 
 played cards from retreat to reveille on the day when 
 the announcement was made — yes, and what is better 
 too, they kept up the same amusement, night after 
 night, for a whole week in succession. 
 
 Now regarding this practice of playing cards, 
 there is no use denying the fact, that American 
 soldiers, now and then, do indulge in it occasionally; 
 nay more than this, that at the bi-monthly pay day, 
 in particular, it becomes a common if not a some- 
 what expensive amusement. Among the games that 
 may be mentioned, in the connection, are "euchre,", 
 "forty-five," and "seven up;" but the palm after all 
 seems to be given to that identical mode of hazard 
 which Minister Schenck is said to have taught the 
 young diplomats at the Court of Saint James — we 
 mean the ancient and venerable game of "poker." 
 And indeed it was both an amusing and cheerful 
 sight, to see a number of soldiers, sitting round a 
 blanket, spread in a tent, with their pile of quarters 
 and half dollars before them, indulging in a fifty- 
 cent "ante," going one or two dollars "better," or 
 
2.8 Guy Avcrall. 
 
 perchance " doubling the stakes," and tlien " calling " 
 their opponent. Lawless and Ryan, as we said before, 
 both indulged iri this game ; so did Sullivan, and the 
 bard Hogan ; but the latter, after a while, took; offence 
 at something which was either done or said at one of 
 these meetings. He accordingly left the place in a 
 very abrupt manner, said he would have nothing to 
 do with Lawless any more, and which was rather 
 singular, he ever afterwards adhered to this resolution. 
 Some of the outsiders endeavored to allay this family 
 quarrel, by promising to propitiate the other powers, 
 if Hogan would only bestow his confidence, and 
 candidly tell what was the matter. But the bard was 
 by nature too polite and conscientious a man to 
 indulge in any underhand cavillings. He merely 
 said he had formed his opinion of one of the gentle- 
 men, with whom he had sat down in a friendly 
 manner, but further than this he would not say any- 
 thing against him. So the play went on — Sullivan, 
 Lawless, and Ryan with this or that other person 
 making up a game; while Hogan for the future kept 
 aloof from all such proceedings. At length even 
 Sullivan got tired of this amusement ; for in the first 
 place he discovered he constantly lost money by the 
 operation, and in addition he thought he noticed 
 something very queer on the part of Lawless one 
 night, when the ist Sergeant supposed there was no 
 one looking on him, and as a consequence the 
 Corporal finally came to the conclusion he could not 
 afford to sit down and play with any one who took 
 such an underhand advantage as Sergeant Lawless 
 evidently did. He therefore resigned his seat at the 
 gambling board, to seme of the other gentlemen who 
 
Guy Ave rail. 219 
 
 were to be found in the Company and who still 
 seemed to take sufficient interest in this game of 
 hazard to "double the stakes" "chip twenty-five 
 cents," "call" an adversary or "go two dollars 
 better." 
 
 In presenting the foregoing sketch of Messrs. 
 Lawless and Ryan, short and imperfect though it be, 
 we hope the reader will give us credit for being 
 actuated by no mean or unworthy motive. In the 
 first place we disclaim the fact that either of those 
 gentlemen ever inflicted on us any real or personal 
 injury. They never threatend to knock off our head 
 for saying that they both were not the very greatest 
 and most gentlemanly personages in the whole world, 
 they never cheated us out of a dollar of money at 
 " poker," " forty-five," " seven up," or any other game 
 at cards ; they never thrust us into the guard house 
 in a violent and despotic manner for grumbling at 
 any of their exactions ; in short, they never injured 
 us to the breadth of a hair in mind, body, or estate. 
 We consequently have not the first particle of ill- 
 feeling towards them, in any one way. Our duty, 
 as recorder of this narrative, is simply to put into 
 proper form such incidents as relate to the same. 
 Had either of these non-commissioned officers been 
 very different from the personages they really were, 
 we willingly would have admitted the fact. Had 
 they been highly accomplished and intellectual schol- 
 ars, instead of the lively gentlemen that they appeared 
 to be, the circumstances would be duly chronicled in 
 this history. But to write an eulogy, under existing 
 conditions, is impossible for us to do, and therefore 
 we dismiss the whole matter with the foregoing notice. 
 
220 Guy Avcrall. 
 
 II. 
 
 During the spring of that year, two distinct expe- 
 ditions were sent out from Fort Myers, for the 
 purpose of finding the Indians, but both of these un- 
 fortunately met with little success. The first one 
 consisted of about one hundred men, and was dis- 
 patched eastward, along the southern bank of the 
 Caloosahatchie River, with directions to reach Lake 
 Okce-chobee ; and after examining the country there, 
 to return by the opposite bank of the stream to the 
 point of starting. In this affair, Guy Averall took 
 part, marching with his lump of fat pork, and his 
 four pounds of biscuit in his haversack, as manfully 
 as the oldest soldier in the command. This expe- 
 dition was absent five days, during which time it 
 marched a distance of something over one hundred 
 and twenty miles, but did not accomplish any thing 
 definitely. Traces of Indians, no doubt, were to be 
 seen here and there ; but still no braves were captured, 
 indeed a moment's reflection might be sufficient to 
 convince any one that all these attempts must prove 
 futile, for in sOch a country as Florida, covered over 
 as it is with chapparal and hammocks, every Indian 
 in it might conceal himself at the distance of a few 
 hundred yards from the place actually occupied by 
 the troops, and there remain undiscovered for an 
 indefinite length of time. The next expedition was 
 sent out in about a week after the return of the 
 former one, and from the account given by the par- 
 ticipants, it must have been a delightful one. The 
 purpose, as given out, was to penetrate the country 
 in the direction of the Everglades, capture the 
 Indians there, and then return. Eut this too was 
 
Guy Averall. 221 
 
 unavailing. The men sent out, marched a day, got 
 into a country partially covered with water, waded 
 through it, ate their hard biscuit and salt pork, while 
 standing up, and having reached the spot where the 
 post of Fort Simon Drum was afterwards established, 
 they were actually obliged to erect temporary bunks, 
 by means of boughs, cut from pines, in order to 
 secure a place sufficiently dry for them to rest on 
 during the night. A large portion of the southern 
 extremity of Florida, is in fact a mere swamp ; 
 covered with water to the depth of from one to six 
 feet. In the everglades this water serves to support 
 a coarse species of reed-like grass, which grows to 
 the height of several feet above its surface, and it 
 was in this part of the country that General Harney, 
 by means of flat-bottomed boats, attempted to cap- 
 ture the Indians toward the close of the first Florida 
 war. In the present case these repeated wanderings 
 and counter marchings, on the part of the Twenty- 
 sixth Artillery, began to be somewhat monotonous, 
 and their uselessness having been again and agam 
 demonstrated, it was fmally resolved to abandon 
 them. Why they should have been instituted, in 
 the first instance, was a fitting theme for inquiry; 
 as the case, however, now stood, the mountain would 
 not come to Mahomet, so Mahomet was forced to go 
 to the mountain ; in plain terms, since the Indians 
 could not be entrapped and brought into Fort Myers, 
 it was necessary to have recourse to the charms of 
 persuasion for that purpose. At various times during 
 the war in Florida, which ended in 1842, instalments 
 of Seminoles had agreed to accept the terms offered 
 by the United States government, and had emigrated 
 
222 Guy Ave rail. 
 
 to the Indian territory beyond the Mississippi. To 
 these accordingly, an agent was sent, asking that one 
 or two Red men should return to Florida, to act as 
 interpreters, and endeavor at the same time to per- 
 suade their relatives in that state, to follow the foot- 
 steps of those living under the protection of the 
 general government in that section of country set 
 part exclusively for the use of the Indians in the 
 West. This plan succeeded so far that a number of 
 Scminoles were actually persuaded to come into 
 Fort Myers, so as to hold a conference with the 
 commanding officer of the Department, old General 
 Twiggs, in relation to their wants and desires. Guy 
 Averall had already seen the interpreters on board 
 the Fashion, as she steamed up to the wharf at P'ort 
 Myers, on her return from New Orleans, and doubt- 
 ed not but a conference would soon take place. 
 'J'he next morning these ambassadors started into 
 the woods by themselves, and after the lapse of a 
 week or therabouts they returned with the intelli- 
 gence that the celebrated warrior. Bowlegs, accom- 
 panied by several other chiefs, would come into Fort 
 Myers the follcAving day. 
 
 In due time the Indians made their appearance, 
 and certainly their first approach, as they strode into 
 the post, one after another, was a remarkably im- 
 posing one. Tall, straight, well shaped fellows, with 
 graceful limbs, and a bearing that on the whole, was 
 sufficiently dignified ; there seemed to be nothing 
 whatever of that squalid repulsiveness about them, 
 which travellers assure us is commonly associated 
 with the Red men of the plains. On the forehead 
 of each was a small silver plate, in the shape of a 
 
Guy Ave rail. • 223 
 
 crescent, while above their head was a tuft of plumes 
 from a species of eagle found in Florida. Leggins 
 of deerskin and the customary blankets completed 
 the outfit, and as they sat down, one after another, 
 in front of the tent occupied by General Twiggs, a 
 feeling of involuntary respect for them was awakened 
 in the breast of every one present. AVhy should 
 they be compelled, merely becifuse their enemies, 
 the whites, desired it, to abandon those woods and 
 hammocks in which they and their fathers had hunt- 
 ed for ages, and then seek new homes for themselves 
 in a country to which they were strangers ? Would 
 the palefaces themselves submit to be driven about 
 like so many dumb cattle, at the will and beck of 
 some fancied superior ? But these feelings of rever- 
 ence on the part of the enlisted men were un- 
 fortunately of short duration, for after a while the 
 conference with General Twiggs broke up, and then 
 the genuine character of the Indian appeared. In 
 their " talk " with the officers, they had manifested 
 a quiet dignity, but after this was over, a decided 
 change took place. They invaded the tents of the 
 officers and soldiers, they begged for whatever they 
 could get ; their chief, William, appropriated Guy 
 Averall's shirt ; and with this garment over his 
 shoulders, and an old sword by his side, the fellow 
 cut up the most curious antics. He marched, he 
 strutted, he drew the weapon, he enunciated his word 
 of command, he uttered all the persiflage of a mock 
 emperor. None of the other Indians, except the 
 chief, could speak English, and his regard for Guy 
 was expressd in a somewhat singular manner. " If 
 
 we go to war, me will kill you — shan't fall by the 
 15 
 
224 ■ Guy Aver all. 
 
 hand of any other brave — fine fellow like you should 
 be killed by a brave warrior like me, not by an old 
 woman like Tiger tail." Guy, of course, thanked 
 William for this mark of his esteem ; although when 
 the former, by way of barter demanded back his 
 shirt, Mr. Bowlegs expressed his desire to keep it, 
 just as a mark of his love and affection — " never 
 mind, when you come out to the Everglades again, 
 me will fight and kill you, shan't fall by the hand of 
 any other brave except myself, Tiger tail is nothing 
 but an old woman, he not fit to kill you." Tow- 
 ards evening, the Indians by some means or other, 
 obtained a supply of "fire-water," and then they 
 assembled and gave one of their characteristic dances. 
 A fire was lighted in the woods at sundown ; the 
 warriors, in various trappings, assembled around it 
 their hands were joined, a curious sort of see-saw 
 chorus was struck up, they circled round and round 
 the flame, gesticulating in the most extraordinary way 
 then on a sudden a whoop was given; a noise evi 
 dently intended as an imitation of a turkey gobbler, 
 next followed, and lastly, each one present took d 
 pull from that' all-potent spirit which seemed to in- 
 fuse itself into the very life of the demons. A 
 couple of black negro wenches, who accompanied 
 the warriors as attendants, joined in these revels, 
 and seemed to relish the exercise every bit as well 
 as their sovereign lords and masters. Doubtless, 
 they served an important purpose, for beside taking 
 charge of such household cares as devolved on them, 
 they had the foresight to hide the knives that were 
 in possession of the warriors ere the fun commenced, 
 Had this precaution not been adopted, some ugly 
 results might possibly have happened. 
 
Guy Ave rail. ^225 
 
 At a subsequent visit to the Fort, the Indians 
 brought in several of their children ; lads of from 
 twelve to fourteen years of age, and the skill which 
 these exhibited in the use of the bow and arrow 
 was, in itself, something remarkable. Now and then 
 these youngsters would follow a flock of young quail, 
 that ran through the underbrush outside the Fort, 
 fire an arrow at one, kill it and witliout stopping to 
 pick up the bird, would proceed to the next one 
 within reach, and after it was pinioned, a third and 
 fourth victim would follow. After their arrows had 
 all been exhausted, they would return, pick up the 
 birds, and then attack another flock in the same 
 manner as before. A silver coin suspended from a 
 tree, at the distance of six or eight yards, was almost 
 sure to be struck in the same manner. But the 
 almost fiendish character of their sires, whenever 
 they got excited, seemed to banish all the romance 
 of the Indian character, and the promise of Mr. 
 Bowlegs to kill Guy, in return for the use of his 
 shirt, fully demolished any regard that young gentle- 
 man might otherwise have for the aboriginal inhabi- 
 tants. Oh! James Fennimorc Cooper, author of tiiose 
 Leatherstocking 'i'alcs, on which so many juvenile 
 readers have doted, why didn't these not portray the 
 Indian as he is, sneaking and dirty and merciless, in- 
 stead of being the moral philosopher and expounder 
 of the doings of the great Wahconda, that these 
 would'st fain make us believe he is. Oh ! famous 
 Jean Jacques, thou that hast taken so much pains to 
 extol the savage state, dids't thou ever see a real 
 savage? You never did, for if you had, that dis- 
 course of thine, which attributes all possible virtue 
 
226 Guy Ave rail. 
 
 to the ■svild man, and all the meanness and decep- 
 tions of life to his tame brother, would never have 
 been written. 
 
 The position of women among the Indian tribes, as 
 is well-known, is not a very elevated one. A melan- 
 choly instance of this was once presented at a station 
 where Guy Averall subsequently served, in which 
 the daughter of a respectable citizen of London was 
 the sufferer. The girl had actually eloped with a 
 Chippewa Chief who happened to be on exhibition 
 at the British metropolis. Her mind was apparently 
 captivated by those stories which she heard of the 
 prowess of the dusky warrior ; she fancied herself 
 sitting as a queen, wielding royal sway over obe- 
 dient subjects, honored and respected by all who 
 surrounded her. Great indeed was her disappoint- 
 ment, when she awoke to the sad realities of the 
 case ; to find herself thrust into a miserable hut, the 
 companion of savages, whose habits were in every 
 way unendurable. To submit to such a mode of 
 life, year after year, was more than she could bear, 
 she fled for protection to a good Catholic priest, 
 who was then endeavoring to introduce the habits 
 of civilized life into the tribe. By him she was 
 placed in charge of the mission school, where she 
 remained for a couple of years till she died. The 
 amount of attention she might receive from those 
 "buskined chiefs of swarthy lineament," as the poet 
 Campbell chooses to call them, is indicated by the 
 following harangue which was spoken by one of 
 those identical braves. 
 
 '* When the white man court," said the chief in 
 his broken English, " he court maybe for a whole 
 
Guy Aver all. 227 
 
 year— maybe for two year before he marry— maybe 
 he gets a good wife— maybe not— maybe he works 
 for him well— maybe he scolds all day. Still white 
 man can do nothing— must keep his wife— never put 
 him away once they are married. But with Indians 
 things are different! When he sees squaw that 
 works hard which he likes— he goes to him places his 
 two fingers close beside each other— make two look 
 like one— see him smile which is all one he says yes, 
 so he takes him to live with him." No danger that 
 he be cross or scold now ! Squaw knows too well 
 what Indian does if he be cross ! Throw him away 
 and take another ! Squaw loves to eat meat— no 
 husband no meat. Squaw do anything to please 
 husband. He do the same to please squaw— both 
 be happy." 
 
 There is a common sense method in the senti- 
 ments thus advocated by the chief, which we would 
 heartily recom^nend to that celebrated lecturer, Miss 
 Annie C. Dickinson, and to all the other feminine 
 advocates of social progress. 
 
 r 
 III. 
 
 But beside the two expeditions already men- 
 tioned, which left Fort Myers ; another, in addition, 
 was fitted out under command of Lieutenant Blodgett, 
 who kept loudly swearing all the time that he, " by 
 Jupiter," knew more of the woods in Florida than 
 all the officers of the United States Army put to- 
 gether ; and if that confounded nonsensical fool, old 
 Twiggs, would only entrust him with supreme com- 
 mand, he would capture every Indian in the country 
 in less than a fortnight. Much was expected from 
 
228 Guy Averall. 
 
 Blodgelt, on account of this braggadocio ; but on 
 the very day that this party set out, its commander 
 got separated from his detachment, wandered through 
 the woods, and was lost. A report was now circu- 
 lated that the Lieutenant had fallen into the hands 
 of the Indians who had probably scalped him, and as 
 a consequence every officer in the Regiment felt pre- 
 disposed to commiserate the unfortunate man's fate. 
 "Well poor fellow," one would say, "he had his 
 faults, just as we all have, still he had his redeeming 
 qualities in spite of all that, and when I think of his 
 untimely end, ti^ up to a tree, in all probability and 
 tortured to death, I forget his ridiculous self-conceit, 
 and every disagreeble quality that he had." But 
 Blodgett, it seemed, had as many lives as a cat, for 
 on the second night after his disappearance, as 
 Averall was walking post, he thought he heard the 
 voice of a man shouting on the opposite side of the 
 river. Guy accordingly called for the Sergeant of 
 the Guard, and after listening for a while they again 
 thought the noise was repeated. The Sergeant now 
 deemed it advisable to report the circumstance to the 
 officer of the day, Lieutenant Taper, who after buck- 
 ling on his sword, and listening for a while came to 
 the conclusion he heard a man's voice also. A boat 
 was accordingly sent over the river to the point 
 from which the noise seemed to come ; and there, 
 wonderful to relate, the resolute son of Mars was dis- 
 covered, sitting under the shade of a mangrove bush, 
 his face haggard and dirty, his clothes torn into 
 shreds by the palmettos among which he had been 
 wandering, while his tout ensemble presented a 
 picture of distress such as is seldom seen, even in a 
 
Guy Aver all. 229 
 
 Florida soldier. Still the Lieutenant to do him justice 
 appeared as firm and resolute as ever. " Well, by 
 Jupiter," said he as the crew made its apperance, 
 with Taper in charge, " you fellows have been treat- 
 ing me in a handsome way." 
 
 "Treating you in a handsome way!" repeated 
 Taper, " why what is the matter ?" 
 
 "What is the matter!" exclaimed Blodgett. 
 *' Matter enough I assure you. Here I have been 
 stationed, shouting to you for the last twenty-four 
 hours, and not a single soul in the Fort seems to pay 
 any attention to me. The deuce take it, if I ever, 
 after such usage as this, will volunteer to hunt 
 Indians in Florida." The officer was taken at his 
 word, for he never afterwards was entrusted with 
 the charge of another party. How it happened that 
 he got separated from his command, crossed the 
 river, and wandered down the opposite bank always 
 remained a mystery, even in spite of his numerous 
 explanations. 
 
 In the midst of these marchings and counter- 
 marchings and wandering through the woods, the 
 men, it must be noted, exhibited a very commenda- 
 ble spirit, most of them, indeed, seemed to rather 
 enjoy this mode of existence. Among these in par- 
 ticular, the bard Hogan appeared on all occasions to 
 be in the best of humor, for to him his present exist- 
 ence was so habitual as to be part almost of his nature. 
 " Finest occupation that ever a young man followed," 
 was his customary remark, " gives you an excellent 
 opportunity of seeing the country and testing the 
 virtues of beans. And if beans should happen to be 
 absent, as is frequently the case with us, why a 
 
230 Guy Averall. 
 
 soldier is no soldier, unless he can live for three days 
 and three nights on the smell of an oil rag." And 
 when some one advocated the superior advantages of 
 teaching Latin to a class of young gentlemen in New 
 Jersey, rather than following his present occupation, 
 the clerk immediately deprecated the ignoble idea, 
 embraced in this remark ; and then, by way of illus- 
 trating this point, he favored his auditory with the 
 following narrative : — 
 
 ***** 
 
 You must know, gentlemen, that according to 
 Epictetus every subject has two handles, and that a 
 soldier's life, in particular, resembles that of Prince 
 Bladud of Bath, of whom as is well known, we have 
 exactly opposite legends. On a former occasion I 
 gave the imaginary cause of my leaving that famous 
 Laurel Hill Institute of gentlemen cadets, in which 
 I taught the young idea how to shoot ; at present I 
 propose to narrate the real cause of this separation. 
 It is a melancholy affair, I assure you, from begin- 
 ning to end ; and was all brought about by means 
 of that truly insignificant and despicable animal 
 which is known by the name of a mouse. My story 
 shall be told in as few words as possible, let the final 
 catastrophe serve as a warning to all ambitious 
 school-teachers. 
 
 Well, gentlemen, you must know in the first place, 
 that the situation of the Laurel Hill Institute is one of 
 the most pleasant I ever saw in the whole course of my 
 life. It is not like this Florida coast, low flat land^ 
 with nothing but palmettos, and yellow pitch pine on 
 its surface ; but stands, on the contrary, on the top 
 of a hill, with a fresh green sward in front, while 
 
Guy Aver all. 231 
 
 below the lawn is a lake on which the gentlemen 
 cadets sometimes exercised themselves in sculling 
 boats, rowing races, skipping flat stones over its sur- 
 face, and other manly and warlike exercises. The 
 head of the Laurel Hill Institute, the Reverend Dr. 
 Skinner, was also a remarkable man in his way ; 
 learned in all the languages ; a proficient in music, 
 sculpture, painting, and the fine arts generally ; 
 orthodox in all matters of Church discipline and 
 faith ; and endowed beside with the very enviable 
 faculty of blowing his own trumpet as loudly as any 
 man in the State of which he is a resident. Talk of 
 learning and ability — there never was such a family 
 as the Skinners; speak of accomplishments and 
 great natural gifts — the Skinners were absolutely 
 without a parallel. And in order to give the place a 
 greater reputation, it was noised about, that every 
 thing around the Laurel Hill Institute was copied 
 exactly after West Point. The cadets wore the same 
 grey uniform in the one locality as the other ; they 
 all recited in a similar way, and were classified 
 accordingly ; the only difference between the two 
 localities was this, that whereas in West Point, a 
 certain number of bad marks is sure to expel a mem- 
 ber ; at the Laurel Hill Institute, on the other hand, 
 justice was tempered with mercy, and a young man 
 was permitted to undo his deficits by performing any 
 useful piece of work that might be needed around 
 the establishment. Sometimes the cadets at Laurel 
 Hill were permitted to weed the garden ; sometimes 
 they were sent out to the Lake to catch fish for 
 breakfast ; at other times, it is said, they were 
 allowed to peel the potatoes for dinner, just by way 
 
232 Giiy Aver all. 
 
 of variety ; and if, in any of these cases, their efforts 
 proved satisfactory, a certain number of bad marks 
 were taken off their account, and then the happy 
 recipient of this favor was allowed to go on as before. 
 This much is offered by way of explanation. 
 
 Now it so happened that at the particular epoch 
 of which I treat, a large colony of mice had invaded 
 the premises occupied by Dr. Skinner ; and had 
 committed sad havoc among such eatables and 
 drinkables as were to be found scattered here and 
 there in it. Bread, flour, cheese and butter were all 
 attacked ; nay, even the old shoe strings that Dr 
 Skinner conscientiously gathered up, were assailed 
 one night in a manner, as daring as it was perfidious. 
 This outrage finally moved the anger of the chief 
 personage in the establishment. ** Betsy Jane," said 
 he, one morning, to his wife, as they lay stretched 
 on their marital couch, " I have an idea running 
 through my head." 
 
 " What is that, Gideon ? " said Mrs. Skinner, who 
 had just awoke from her slumbers. 
 
 "It is this, my dear heart," said the Doctor^ 
 "these mice are beginning to be very troublesome ; 
 they have actually attacked the blue pill, which I 
 now and then use, by way of medicine. If this 
 thing goes on, they will drive us out of both house 
 and home. I am resolved to wage war against them 
 in every form I possibly can, and this very morning 
 I intend to set the boys to catch mice, so as to rid 
 ourselves of these troublesome invaders." 
 
 "Very well, my dear, do as you see fit," was the 
 response. 
 
 " I'll exterminate them, even if it costs me an 
 
Guy Aver all. 233 
 
 empire," said the Doctor. So the very next morning 
 the battalion was formed in line, thirty-five men in 
 all ; and the Doctor then and there made proclama- 
 tion that any boy who caught and killed a mo;.se, 
 and would exhibit it, in due form to the principal in 
 his study, he, the said boy would have five bad con- 
 duct marks taken off his list, and would, in addition, 
 receive a day's leave of absence, before the end of 
 the term." 
 
 " Well, how did the plan succeed ? " asked several 
 of the auditors, who were evidently much interested 
 in the recital which the bard thus presented. 
 
 " How did it succeed ! " ejaculated Hogan, " why 
 admirably in every respect. The thing simply worked 
 like a charm. The Colonels, the Lieutenant Colonels, 
 the Majors, the Captains and Lieutenants belonging 
 to the Laurel Hill battalion of Cadets attacked the 
 mice, in due order, and captured them by the dozen. 
 Never was there such slaughter of rodents, from the 
 days of the Pied Piper of Hamlin till the present. 
 Meanwhile, the head of the Institute sat in his study, 
 counted the spoils as they were brought in, and 
 took off the black marks accordingly. Judging from 
 the printed reports which were furnished them, there 
 never was a better behaved set of young men than 
 flourished under the care of Dr. Skinner. But in 
 the long run, a disastrous result followed. The 
 supply of mice at the Laurel Hill Institute became 
 exhausted." 
 
 "Well, how did that affect the school ?" enquired 
 Private Petersen. 
 
 " Affect the school!" was the answer, "it affected 
 it badly in every way. The boys now knew there 
 
234 ^^^y Aver all. 
 
 was no other method of effacing bad marks, except 
 by ^oing out once more into the garden to pull 
 weeds, and that let me assure you, in the cold month 
 of November, is anything but pleasant. The dis- 
 appearance of the mice, sir, was simply disastrous. 
 
 "Well, what did they do?" asked Petersen, Avho 
 still seemed somewhat interested, just then, in Ho- 
 gan's narrative. 
 
 "What did they do!" was the rejoinder. "They 
 could not have done anything at all, if it had not 
 been for me. On the spur of the moment I made a 
 suggestion." 
 
 " A suggestion — what was it, pray ?" 
 
 " One, I think, that evinced both ingenuity and 
 common sense. I simply said that since mice were 
 beginning to get scarce, it^were better not to attempt 
 any very extensive captures. Let one animal be 
 caught, taken in, and shown to the doctor, brought 
 back and handed to the next student, and so on in 
 succession, till the wants of the whole institute were 
 served." 
 
 " How did that plan succeed ?" was the next 
 inquiry. 
 
 "Admirably, admirably," was the answer, "every- 
 thing that I saw fit to hint, seemed to succeed. 
 There sat Doctor Skinner, representative of the 
 oldest, and noblest, and most aristocratic family in 
 New Jersey, with his antiquated grey shawl around 
 him, busily engaged in looking over a list of charges 
 against each boy, and now and then effacing a de- 
 merit. The Doctor was satisfied, the boys were 
 satisfied, I was satisfied, every one around the estab- 
 lishment was satisfied, till in the long run the prin- 
 
Guy Averall. 235 
 
 cipal person in the school, to use a slang phrase, 
 literally began to ' smell a mice.' " 
 ''Well, what was the result ?" 
 "The result might easily be foreseen," was the 
 rejoinder. " The Doctor stationed himself behind 
 a door, in the way a New Jerseyman alone could do, 
 watched one boy handing the animal to another, and 
 was thus the discoverer of my ingeniously contrived 
 plot." 
 
 "That was too bad," said Petersen. 
 "Bad! I rather imagine it was," responded the 
 bard. *' It put an end to one of the most capitally 
 devised plans that I ever had the honor of invent- 
 ing. The doctor, in particular, seemed very indig- 
 nant, and told his wife that the double dealing and 
 waywardness of young men of the present genera- 
 tion was simply beyond his comprehension, and this 
 mouse affair, in particular, had a very bad look 
 about it. Next morning he assembled all the boys 
 in his study and gave them a long lecture on the 
 numerous enormities of which they had been guilty. 
 He told them that any body of young men, who 
 would behave in such a disingenuous manner towards 
 their teacher, as they evidently had done, could 
 never expect to succeed in this world, and as to the 
 world to come, their case was simply desperate. 
 He then ordered the students to still continue their 
 exertions against the mouse as a truly mischievous 
 and destructive animal. "But boys," said he, by 
 way of conclusion, "in case any more mice are 
 caught, I shall insist on having the prize brought 
 into my study. I shall place him lengthwise on 
 a chopping block, and there and then, as a safe- 
 
236 Guy Averall 
 
 guard against double dealing, I shall instantly order 
 his tail to be cut off !" 
 
 This cutting off the tail of a mouse, for the sake 
 of good order and discipline, was rather too much 
 for me. I was completely disgusted, in fact, with 
 this sample of New Jersey ingenuity. So the very 
 next morning I bundled up my effects, sought my 
 beans in another quarter of the world, came into 
 Newark and enlisted. 
 
 IV. 
 But notwithstanding the story-telling capacity 
 evinced in this and in other similar narratives, the 
 life in Florida began, in the long run, to pall. As to 
 the natural curiosities of the State, the subject had 
 long ago been exhausted; rattlesnakes had been 
 killed, alligators had been caught with hook and line, 
 and as to nests of scorpions, they had been exter- 
 minated again and again, till the thing had lost all 
 novelty; nay further, even these wonderful epiphytes, 
 which grow on the trees along the water-courses, and 
 of whose beauty and variety your genuine Floridian 
 is resolved eternally to boast — even these were dis- 
 missed as things of very little account. " Better 
 twenty years of Europe than a cycle of Cathay" 
 became eventually the prevailing sentiment. As to 
 the progress of the *' war," its history might be given 
 in the words of the old song : 
 
 For thirteen long months did I serve in the Everglade, 
 Neck deep in debt, and full waist-deep in mud; 
 
 O'er dirty lagoon, and through streams I could never wade, 
 Battling it bravely but spilling no blood. 
 
 As the summer wore on, the heat at Fort Myers 
 
Guy Ave rail. 237 
 
 became at times oppressive, and a good many of the 
 men began to suffer from the complaints incident to 
 such a climate; indeed, Averall himself was a martyr, 
 for a while, in this respect; and only escaped the 
 boneyard by the aid of liberal doses of quinine and 
 sulphuric acid, assisted by Avhat must candidly be 
 set down as a good natural constitution. The ex- 
 perience already obtained of the interior of Florida, 
 back of Fort Myers, was not a pleasant one; and in 
 addition it was recollected that during the previous 
 war very grave blunders had been committed by the 
 officers sent in charge of troops, and the question 
 now presented itself, were these errors likely to be 
 repeated, in case it became necessary to drive the 
 Indians to extremities ? Some of the soldiers had 
 heard the narrative of Private Ransom Clarke, who 
 went out as a member of the command under Major 
 Dade, in December, 1835, and who fortunately 
 escaped the massacre which took place on the route 
 between Tampa Bay and Fort King, on the 28th of 
 that month. Of the 117 men in that expedition, 
 three only escaped the general slaughter; and the 
 inquiry now was made, would officers be so ignorant 
 as to march men in solid column, through the 
 woods, without either scouts or skirmish line before 
 them. It was hoped not, and yet what guarantee 
 could be obtained against errors of a similar nature? 
 So all that was left to the Twenty-sixth Artillery was 
 to remain at their posts, like good soldiers; to do as 
 they were ordered on all occasions; and to preserve 
 even amidst the mosquitoes and rattlesnakes of 
 Florida, a cheerful, contented, and willing spirit. 
 As the event however turned out, the fortitude of 
 
238 Guy Averall. 
 
 the Regiment was not put to a very severe test; for 
 the authorities in Washington, warned probably by 
 the expense and waste of life that were incurred 
 during the previous war, made up their minds not to 
 drive the Indians to hostilities. General Twiggs 
 again came to Fort Myers, another deputation was 
 sent into the woods, and again Master Bowlegs, and 
 some of his braves, entered into a fresh " talk " with 
 the pale-faces. This time it was proposed that any 
 of the Indians who would emigrate west, should re- 
 ceive a tract of land for their use, a year's provisions, 
 four blankets, a pint of beads, and a rifle; but any of 
 them who remained in Florida and ventured north 
 of a line drawn from Fort Myers to Lake Okee-cho- 
 bee, would be hung. Mr. Bowlegs received the latter 
 part of the proposition in sullen silence, and then 
 said that Florida belonged to him and there he pro- 
 posed to remain. Some of his people, however, 
 chose to look at the matter in a different light, and 
 finally about one-half of the Seminoles agreed to 
 accept the terms offered by the United States, and 
 emigrate west of the Mississippi. Mr. Bowlegs then 
 made his acknowledgments, and said he had no desire 
 to go to war, that bad men in Florida, for their own 
 purposes, had represented him as an enemy to the 
 Great Father, but such was not the case, that the 
 Seminoles had already suffered enough in encounter 
 with the United States, that all he desired was to be 
 left alone in the possession of his own dear swamps 
 and Everglades, and provided he were allowed to 
 hunt deer, and kill bear in that romantic locality, he 
 would ever remain as good and as quiet an Indian 
 as could be found between the rising and setting sun. 
 
Guy Ave rail. 239 
 
 On these terms then a bargain was struck; Mr. Bow- 
 legs returned to the country south of the Caloosa- 
 hatchie, the Indians who had consented to emigrate 
 came to Fort Myers, and in due time were dispatched 
 to New Orleans by the Fashion, while to crown all, 
 in about a month from this period, some troops who 
 had been serving at Fort Pickens in the western part 
 of the State, were sent to Fort Myers, in order to 
 exchange stations with the garrison at that place. 
 This change of posts, it may be observed, seemed 
 almost a matter of necessity, for fully one-third of 
 the garrison on the Caloosahatchie, at the time the 
 transfer was made, were prostrated by a sort of in- 
 termittent fever, which seemed to bid defiance to all 
 the drugs and physic that could be employed against 
 it. Even Spruce and Taper, gallant soldiers though 
 they were, both vowed they had enough of the south- 
 ern extremity of Florida. 
 
 A vast amount of sentiment has been expended 
 on the Indians of America; and in particular their 
 fighting qualities have been highly extolled, but if 
 we examine carefully into the case, we will find that 
 this particular characteristic has been much exag- 
 gerated, and that in real willingness to face danger 
 the Indian is, after all, decidedly inferior to the 
 white. The savage is the creature of wiles, of pre- 
 tences, of stratagems; give him the advantage of 
 number and position, station him in a hammock or 
 swamp, till his enemy is completely in his grasp, and 
 he will soon exterminate him. But he is not the per- 
 son to defy a whole host, by any means; or even to 
 expose himself to marked danger, from a mere sense 
 
 of duty, in the way that the professional soldier habitu- 
 16 
 
240 Guy Aver all. 
 
 ally does. Still as compared with other savages, the 
 American Indian has, in many respects, the advan- 
 tage. "Attentive observers," says Doctor Prichard, 
 " have been struck with manifestations of greater 
 energy and martial vigor, of more intense and deeper 
 feeling, of a more reflective mind, of greater fortitude 
 and more consistent perseverance in enterprises than 
 is found among the volatile and almost animalized 
 savages who are still to be found in some quarters of 
 the old continent." All of this, of course, is in the 
 Indian's favor; but when we attribute to the Semi- 
 nole and Pawnee the elevated sentiments of the 
 cultivated white man, in the way Mayne Reid or 
 James Fenimore Cooper have done, the attempt at 
 the very best is simply preposterous. 
 
 V. 
 
 That portion of the Twenty-sixth Artillery of 
 which Guy Averall was a member, remained only a 
 short time at Fort Pickens, when it was sent to Camp 
 Twiggs in the State of Mississippi; and thence, 
 after a stay of a few weeks, it was ordered to take 
 post at New Orleans Barracks. At the latter place 
 it remained about a month, when fresh directions 
 came to pack up once more and proceed to its old 
 rendezvous at Fort Columbus. During these changes 
 of station, nothing of much moment occurred, as 
 far as an immediate narrative is concerned, unless 
 indeed we notice one or two trifling circumstances 
 which certainly ought to have had some little influ- 
 ence in showing Guy Averall that there are rogues as 
 well as honest men in the world, and that it will not 
 answer to trust too much to specious pretensions. At 
 
Guy Aver all. 241 
 
 Fort Pickens was a Corporal, Alexander A. Brown 
 by name, who gloried in the fact that he was an 
 Englishman, The occupation of Corporal Brown 
 was not a very elevated one, for by a strange viola- 
 tion of those orders which forbid the employment of 
 an enlisted man in a menial capacity, he had been 
 lately engaged as cook in the officers' mess. The 
 Corporal, nevertheless, bore himself with great dig- 
 nity, in spite of all that, and even ventured to boast, 
 now and then, of that superlative honesty which is 
 supposed to be the characteristic of every native of 
 proud Albion. " Yes, sir, talk as you please, Hing- 
 land, sir, is the country where hall men are obliged 
 to do right ; no chance of a man being a swindler 
 there, with the Queen, lords and commons above 
 him." And so impressed was Averall with this con- 
 stant talk of the " Queen, lords and commons," that 
 he fondly imagined the good Corporal to be one of 
 the most honest personages in the world, spite of 
 some warnings he had received to the contrary. 
 
 Now among the possessions of Averall, at this 
 time, was a very pretty copy of Gray's poems, given 
 to him by a relative, just before he set out on his 
 adventures, and prized as a memento accordingly. 
 Corporal Brown, on one occasion, when returning a 
 visit from Guy, espied the volume as it lay in the 
 bottom of Averall's locker, and immediately request- 
 ed the loan of it. " I think a great deal of Gray as a 
 poet," was his cunning remark, born in Lunnun on 
 the twenty-sixth day of December, 17 16, he died at 
 Cambridge, of the gout, on the thirteenth day of July, 
 177 1, aged fifty-five years. Gray wrote that beautiful 
 poem they call the Helegy." Was it possible to resist 
 
242 Guy Averall. 
 
 an array of sentiment and statistics such as this ? Guy 
 could not, and when his friend asked permission to 
 borrow the volume, Averall told the Corporal to take 
 the book, retain it as long as he liked and afterwards 
 return it at his convenience. 
 
 In about a fortnight afterwards, Averall heard 
 that the non-commissioned officer was to be dis- 
 charged, his term of service having now expired, so 
 he thought it no harm to go over to the cook house 
 and ask for the volume already borrowed. As soon 
 as the word " Gray's poems " was mentioned, a blank 
 expression passed over the features of the unfortu- 
 nate Brown. *' Oh, my friend, my friend, my very 
 dear friend, I ham so sorry for you. I hintended to 
 to return the poems before now, and should certain- 
 ly have done so haccording to my intentions, but the 
 book is stolen — the book is stolen — hand I now can 
 find neither 'ed or tail of hit." Guy felt, at first, 
 somewhat disconcerted at this untoward accident ; 
 he nevertheless told the Corporal not to pay any 
 attention to the affair ; that the money value of the 
 article, after all, was not great, and since it was gone, 
 there was now no use in uttering any further regrets 
 on the subject. 
 
 Two days afterwards a discovery was made; for 
 Averall, while passing the bunk occupied by a fel- 
 low-soldier, happened to spy the volume reported as 
 lost, thrust between a pair of blankets. An expla- 
 nation soon followed. '' Where did you get that 
 book, you rascal.?" exclaimed the irate Guy, to the 
 occupant of the place. 
 
 *' Don't call me a rascal or I'll punch your eye 
 out. I purchased that book this morning from 
 Corporal Brown, for the sum of fifty cents." 
 
Guy Averall. 243 
 
 " Purchased that book from Corporal Brown for 
 the sum of fifty cents !" repeated the astonished Guy. 
 " He told me the book was stolen from him a couple 
 of days ago, and that he had been hunting high up 
 and low down, for the missing volume, but could not 
 find it." 
 
 " He did ! Why the sneaking, hungry, dog-rob- 
 bing thief, he does not utter a word of truth in the 
 matter. As to myself I did not care about purchas- 
 ing the book at all, since it contains nothing but a 
 lot of fool poetry; but the mean little hound came 
 to me the second time, and said that in case I ever 
 fell in love, the book would be a very nice present 
 for a lady; so in order to get rid of the troublesome 
 little insect, I gave him the money and let him go." 
 
 "Well, well," said Guy," this really astonishes 
 me, I never will trust a human being, as long as I 
 live. This man made the most specious pretences, 
 and after all I find him to be the most despicable 
 little rascal that ever I met. However, he has not 
 got his discharge as yet, so I will go over to the offi- 
 cers' cook house and frighten him if I do nothing else." 
 
 Guy accordingly did go over to the officers') 
 quarters, and found Corporal Brown there, who dared 
 not deny a single word of the charge laid against 
 him. At first Averall threatened to report the facts 
 of the case to Brown's Captain; but finally, after 
 thinking over the affair, he determined to let the 
 matter go, rather than injure a man who was just on 
 the point of leaving the service. 
 
OLD FRIENDS. 
 
 I. 
 
 It was a bright and cheerful morning, in the early 
 spring, when the Twenty-sixth Artillery, after an 
 absence of some fifteen months, again reached their 
 old quarters at Fort Columbus. As they approached 
 Governor's Island, everything they saw seemed to 
 remind them of their former residence at that place. 
 The dear old barracks, in which they once were 
 quartered, were still there; the familiar flag-staff, 
 situated in one of the bastions of the fort; the row 
 of poplar trees, near the water edge, where Guy 
 Averall first met that Mentor, who had proved him- 
 self to be his best friend while serving in Florida; 
 nay, further, the quiet, sleek-looking Quartermaster's 
 horse, which was turned out to graze, hear the foot 
 of the glacis, all seemed to be unchanged since the 
 Twenty-sixth Artillery had left the place. And let 
 no one imagine that Uniied States soldiers are desti- 
 tute of love and affection as respects those localities 
 in which they once more quartered. Indeed the con- 
 trary is well known to be the case, for in the absence 
 of more specific ties they learn to cherish the memory 
 of those particular localities in which any very con- 
 siderable proportion of their life is spent. Every 
 spot in such circumstances has its chain of associa- 
 tions; every nook and corner its little tale of adven- 
 ture on romance; at one place the soldier, perchance, 
 244 
 
Guy Aver all. 245 
 
 remembers he was entrapped, while passing a chain 
 of sentinels, by a vigilant officer of the day; at 
 another he actually succeeded in evading a wily 
 Sergeant of the Guard, spite of the fact that the hour 
 was long after tattoo, and that the adventurous run- 
 nagate had in his possession at the time, no less an 
 article than a closely corked bottle of whiskey. But 
 whatever sentimental notions the Twenty-sixth Artil- 
 lery might have on this particular occasion were all 
 quickly dispelled; for then and there, upon the wharf 
 of Governor's Island, stood the gallant Brigadier her- 
 self, waiting anxiously to receive them. " Oh my 
 dear good children, my dear good children, I am so 
 very glad to see you," was her exclamation as the 
 troops touched the shore, " why what a very delight- 
 ful excursion you have had, during the past few 
 months, in that very charming country, Florida. 
 Why Sergeant Lawless, you are the very beau ideal 
 of a noble-looking non-commissioned officer; and 
 Averall, you are really, to my notion, the finest 
 young soldier at present in the Army." And then 
 as the officers came up in succession, Mrs. Daisy 
 threw her magnificent arms around each one in the 
 most motherly way imaginable, and gave him a good 
 sound buss, as expressive of the joy she felt at see- 
 ing her old Regiment once more in New York 
 Harbor. This preliminary matter being settled, both 
 officers and men were then informed that during the 
 absence of the Regiment in Florida, she had met 
 with an unusual piece of good luck, that Captain 
 Daisy, " her own good Tom," the *' best and dearest 
 man that ever existed," had been promoted to a full 
 Majority in the United States Army, and was now 
 
246 Guy Aver all. 
 
 assigned to duty with the Twenty-sixth Artillery. 
 " My dear Mr. Spruce," said the lady, after detailing 
 this piece of good fortune, "I fully intend to cele- 
 brate the event, in a manner befitting the occasion, 
 I propose that Tom shall apply for a six months' 
 leave of absence, and as soon as he can obtain it, I 
 intend we both shall set off, in order to visit some of 
 the principal cities of Europe. A trip of this kind 
 I'm sure would be delightful, and it is nothing more 
 than the Major's due, considering his rank and 
 length of service. This morning, by the way, I had 
 quite a little excursion of my own. I was visiting 
 that dear and delightful country, Switzerland; and in 
 the course of an hour or two, I had already seen 
 Lake Zug, and climbed on the top of Mount Righi, 
 and sailed on the Lake of the Four Cantons; and 
 after taking Unterseen and Interlaken in my way, I 
 came down to Vevey and the Castle of Chillon, where 
 I spent a short time, and I finally got into the vale of 
 Chamouni, by way of the Tete Noire, nor did I rest 
 for a moment till I ascended the top of Mount 
 Blanc, which we all know to be the very highest 
 mountain in the -whole of Europe. The trip was 
 delightful I assure you." 
 
 "I dare say it was," rejoined the officer, "but 
 did you not find it somewhat fatiguing, to travel so 
 
 very far during one cold morning? " 
 
 " It was all done in the imagination — it was all 
 done in the imagination and I was perfectly charmed 
 with it. Tol-de-re-lol-lol, tol-de-re-lol-lol, oh the 
 vale of Chamouni. Tol-de-re-lol-lol, tol-de-re-lol- 
 lol, the vale, the vale of Chamouni." And in a 
 thrice, the good Mrs. Daisy began rattling off a well- 
 
Guy Avcrall. 247 
 
 known air from Linda di Chamouni in a way that 
 was perfectly astonishing. 
 
 In the course of a short time, the men had un- 
 loaded their effects from the transport ; and on their 
 way up to the barracks, it was noticed that Miss 
 Davis, the lady whom Averall had particularly 
 observed the night of the Chapeau bras, was on her 
 way in the direction of the wharf, accompanied by a 
 somewhat obstreperous specimen of humanity in the 
 person of young Hector Daisy. The boy was shout- 
 ing in a way which was almost terrific ; his precept- 
 ress, however, endeavored to pacify him as well as 
 she possibly could, and then shook hands with such 
 of the officers as she knew, by way of welcome to 
 their old station. And the officers if the truth must 
 be told, were somewhat glad to see Miss Davis, for 
 in spite of the love and affection displayed by her 
 aunt in meeting them, they could not forget that the 
 younger lady was generally recognized as the more 
 evenly balanced personage in the domestic establish- 
 ment of the good Major; although as far as questions 
 of taste and talent and bon ton were concerned, the 
 Brigadier of course, was acknowledged to be the 
 better authority. And Guy Averall, it must be con- 
 fessed, shared in this feeling to some extent also ; 
 for as he looked for a moment at that pretty and 
 sensible face, he felt inclined to take a good deal on 
 trust in the case of its owner ; even admitting that 
 as far as fine manners were concerned, Mrs. Daisy 
 was decidedly the superior woman. 
 
 The first few days after the arrival of the troops, 
 they were occupied in putting their quarters in order; 
 this work completed, Guy applied for leave of absence 
 
248 Guy Ave rail. 
 
 for twenty-four hours, and was fortunate enough to 
 obtain this indulgence. The time employed in this 
 vacation passed away very pleasantly ; for after 
 reaching New York, our young friend saw fit to 
 cross the North River, and before very long, he 
 gained the commercial capital of the Jerseys. The 
 farm occuoied by Mr. Gore, his former employer, 
 was soon reached, and there he met with a very 
 hearty greeting. " What kind of a place is the 
 Army.' " " Are soldiers severely punished in it ? " 
 ** Is there much chance of a person who enlists be- 
 coming a General ? " Guy endeavored to answer 
 these questions as well as he could, but was compelled 
 to acknowledge that the chance of an enlisted man 
 obtaining a commission in the Army, as things now 
 stood, was very small indeed ; that not a single pro- 
 motion of this kind has taken place for several years, 
 and in short that some of the authorities seemed 
 rather indisposed to advance enlisted men in this 
 way. This information, which was correct enough 
 just then, served to create considerable surprise 
 on the part of Mr. Gore, who added that if this 
 were so, the Atnerican Army was not a fit place for 
 any decent, respectable, well disposed young man. 
 In response, nevertheless, Averall endeavored to ex- 
 plain, that in spite of untoward circumstances, many 
 soldiers were both honest and honorable men. But 
 the farmer chose to exhibit his prejudice by saying 
 if they were honest and honorable men, the service 
 was no place for them. To which remark Guy made 
 answer that he was sorry to hear Mr. Gore express 
 himself in this way, and thus the subject was dropped. 
 Still Averall was doomed to disappointment in an- 
 
Guy Averall. 249 
 
 other direction. During his absence, he had occa- 
 sionally imagined that perchance his former flame, 
 Miss Jones, might remain true to him. But Jessie, 
 that dear, sweet Jessie on whom Averall had once so 
 fondly doated, had gone the way of all flesh — that 
 is to say she had undertaken the responsibilities 
 and care of wedded life. Some months previous 
 to this time, she and her old admirer, John Harry 
 Blasedell, had been married. 
 
 II. 
 
 On returning to Fort Columbus, after his visit to 
 the Jerseys, Guy Averall began cogitating on the 
 present aspect of his affairs. He still felt somewhat 
 annoyed that his old flame had got married, but on 
 reflecting on the subject for a moment, he had to 
 acknowledge that in all probability the thing was for 
 the best. "If I were to get mated," said he, "what 
 would become of my wife ? Descend to the grade 
 of laundress in the Company ? Well, that to Miss 
 Jessie and also to me would certainly be a step in 
 the wrong direction. So as to this thing of marry- 
 ing or giving in marriage, while serving in the ranks, 
 I suppose I will simply have to give it up. Still I 
 have some of my old resources at hand; and books, 
 we must admit, are never quarrelsome compan- 
 ions. By the way, would it not be well to take up 
 some subject, as a study, instead of wasting my 
 time in desultory efforts ? There is Moldwell, for 
 instance, a well informed and sensible man, perhaps 
 I could get him to join me in some one line of 
 investigation. And yet, per contra, does it follow 
 that this pursuit of knowledge under difficulties, is 
 
250 Gity Ave rail. 
 
 worth one-half of the pains expended on it ? Will it 
 make me more contented with my lot; or better 
 able to discharge such duties as I am required to 
 perform in the Army ? Might I not say with 
 Milton : 
 
 Alas ! what boots it with incessant care, 
 
 To tend the homely slighted shepherd's trade; 
 
 And strictly meditate the thanlcless Muse ? 
 
 Were it not better done, as others use, 
 
 To sport with Amaryllis in the shade, 
 
 Or with the tangles of Neaera's hair ? 
 
 And with this quotation, which Guy had picked 
 up by accident in his miscellaneous reading, all 
 effort at mental improvement for the present termi- 
 nated. In truth, an event occurred, just then, which 
 gave the thoughts of Averall an entirely new direc- 
 tion; for that very evening he was informed the 
 gallant Major Daisy had selected the youth as his 
 orderly. 
 
 Guy received the intelligence implied in this an- 
 nouncement in the way that a good soldier is bound 
 to do. He accordingly spruced himself up, so as to 
 look as neat and tidy as possible, and on reporting 
 at the quarters of the commanding officer, he was 
 received by the amiable Brigadier herself, in a man- 
 ner which sufficiently expressed her usual goodness 
 of heart. '' Oh, Averall, I'm so glad to see you. 
 How do you do '' Just take a seat in the hallway, 
 after you report to the Major, so as to be within 
 call. Why, Averall, I understand you are very 
 much interested in some of the young ladies in 
 Rotten Row." 
 
 ** I was not aware of the fact," responded Guy 
 very meekly. 
 
Guy Aver all. 251 
 
 " Well I must have been misinformed," was the 
 rejoinder, " but then, I have so little curiosity, that 
 I seldom take the trouble of making any inquiry on 
 these subjects. I really never concern myself in the 
 affairs of a garrison." 
 
 In spite of the self denial implied in the fore- 
 going remark, it was evident to Averall that Mrs. 
 Daisy would gladly have prosecuted her inquiries 
 on the present occasion. But at this juncture, un- 
 fortunately, the catechising was cut short, for the 
 gallant Hector siow made his appearance, howling 
 as usual at the top of his voice. 
 
 " Mamma, mamma, mamma [howl] I can't stand 
 this — I can't stand this — I can't stand this. Cousin 
 Eleanor has taken away my cake. She says I can't 
 have any sponge cake for breakfast, and that's a 
 shame. I want my cake — I want my cake — I want 
 my cake." And here the gallant Hector emitted a 
 series of bawls which made the house resound from 
 basement to garret. 
 
 "Why, Hector, Hector," said Mrs, Daisy in 
 reply. " Sponge cake, you know, is not a proper 
 article to eat so early in the morning. The night 
 before last you ate a whole plateful of it, and the 
 consequence was, you were very sick indeed, and 
 had to take medicine, and that you know is not 
 pleasant. You should strive to be a little man, and 
 not think so much of eating. Before very long we 
 intend to send you to West Point, to be educated 
 for an officer, so mathematics is the thing you ought 
 to be thinking of at present, not that vile sponge 
 cake. Now go to cousin Eleanor, and commence 
 saying your lessons. You will be a great, brave, 
 
252 Guy Ave rail. 
 
 noble, and gallant officer yet; one that will do excel- 
 lent service for your country." 
 
 *' Bah, bah, bah," was the rejoinder. " I don't 
 care about mathematics, or I don't care about being 
 an officer, or I don't care about West Point; all I 
 want is cake, cake, cake, and you wont give me a bit 
 of it from morning to night. Bah, bah, bah. You 
 have just made up your mind to starve me." 
 
 And with these words the noble Hector started 
 down the hallway, howling all the time, till finally 
 Miss Davis took him in charge, ana commenced her 
 usual morning task; drumming a little music into 
 Master Daisy's head, and teaching him the varia- 
 tions of the verbs avoir and etre. 
 
 III. 
 
 During his tour of duty at the quarters of the 
 commanding officer, Guy Averall had frequent 
 opportunities of observing, once more, those customs 
 which obtain in polite society; and was moreover 
 pleased to find that although somewhat eccentric in 
 her ways, a sincere desire for mental improvement 
 was very evident on the Brigadier's part. One day, 
 for instance, it was noticed that Miss Eleanor and 
 Mrs. Daisy were closeted together, with a big book 
 before them; and that the latter lady seemed much 
 interested in the science of astronomy. 
 
 *' Now Eleanor," said Mrs. Daisy, " there is one 
 question in which I am very much concerned. What 
 does the .word ecliptic mean ?" 
 
 ''Why aunt," said the other, by way of explana- 
 tion, " the plane of the ecliptic is that plane in 
 which the earth revolves in the course of a year." 
 
Guy Aver all. 253 
 
 "And the equator ?'* 
 
 "The plane of the equator is a plane passing 
 through the centre of the earth, perpendicular to its 
 axis." 
 
 " Then the ecliptic and the equator are not the 
 same thing, are they ?" asked Mrs. Daisy. 
 
 "By no means," was the response. And here 
 Miss Davis, who seemed to have a very good knowl- 
 edge of the subject, vouchsafed an explanation 
 which seemed to set the matter in a very clear light. 
 That explanation was not lost on the Brigadier, for 
 the very next morning, when crossing over to the 
 city, the lady broached the subject of astronomy to 
 Messrs. Spruce and Taper, and astonished both the 
 officers by a discussion on the nature of the ecliptic 
 which would almost have done credit to the great 
 Newton himself. In point of fact the information 
 extracted from Miss Davis, was given word for word, 
 with such addenda as her aunt saw fit to interpose. 
 Could any one say, after this deny the fact that the 
 Brigadier was destitute of scientific attainments ? 
 
 Before very long indeed, Guy Averall had reason 
 to suspect that a very considerable proportion of the 
 knowledge possessed by Mrs. Daisy was supplied 
 second hand the same way; for whenever the elder 
 lady was at a loss for information on any subject, 
 the intelligence of the younger one was pretty sure 
 to be called into requisiton. " Eleanor," said Mrs. 
 Daisy to her vade meciim one morning, within Aver- 
 all's hearing, how do you pronounce h-u-i-1-e, the 
 French word for oil ?" 
 
 "Why aunt, that word is pronounced almost as 
 if written wheel" was the reply. 
 
254 Guy Averall. 
 
 "And olive oil is called — " 
 
 " Wheel-dole-leeve," said Miss Davis. 
 
 ** Wheel-dole-leeve, wheel-dole-leeve," repeated 
 Mrs. Daisy, as if to impress the pronounciation on 
 her memory. That repetition was enough, for dur- 
 ing the afternoon the orderly was sent over to the 
 " sutler's secretary," who resided in Rotten Row, in 
 order to make inquiry as to the present price of 
 wheel-dole-leeve in that establishment. After ob- 
 taining the desired information, Averall came back 
 to the Brigadier, repeated the current price, when the 
 lady ordered Guy to procure a bottle. But such in- 
 cidents as these, familiar though they be, should not 
 be spoken of outside the pale of aristocratic society. 
 
 The only person who caused the good Mrs. Daisy 
 any annoyance at this time was the irrepressible 
 Blodgett. That person was an officer sui generis^ a 
 man who would uphold his rights on every possible 
 occasion, and consequently, would not permit any 
 body in the land to dictate to him ; even supposing, 
 by Jupiter, it was the great Brigadier herself. And 
 truth to say, the Lieutenant was as good as his word, 
 as our friend Guy happened to know. One morning 
 Blodgett was in charge of the Company on drill, 
 when Mrs. Daisy sent word over to him, with "her 
 compliments," that she would like to have Averall at 
 her .quarters. This request or command, as the case 
 might be, immediately excited the officer's sense of 
 duty. "Go and tell Mrs. Daisy, with my compli- 
 ments," was the rejoinder, " that Averall is turned 
 over to me for the purpose of military instruction, 
 and that I intend he shall remain here till the cus- 
 tomary re-call is sounded." This response on the 
 
Guy Aver all. 255 
 
 part of the Irrepressible, was the occasion of an in- 
 definite amount of chagrin, as far as Mrs. Daisy was 
 concerned. " I always suspected," said she, " that 
 Lieutenant Blodgett v/as a low-born and impolite 
 man ; and further than this, I now say that any one 
 who calls habitually on the god Jupiter, in the way 
 he does, is utterly destitute of the grace and dignity 
 of a gentleman, and as such should be instantly dis- 
 carded." 
 
 IV. 
 
 After a short term of service Guy Averall be- 
 came tolerably familiar with his sphere of duties at 
 Headquarters; and found them on the whole to be 
 not of a very exacting nature ; much lighter indeed 
 than those that fell to his lot, when he carried logs 
 or helped to load or unload the steamer Fashion in 
 Florida. To run to the commissary on an errand; 
 to ask the price of wheel-dole-leeve at the sutler's ; 
 to procure Mrs. Daisy some erudite volume at the 
 public library, or to ask that ** dear man," the doctor, 
 to pay the wife of the commandant a professional 
 visit, such were some of Averall's tasks at this period 
 of his career. As to pulling the gallant Brigadier in 
 a boat round the Island, that for the present was 
 fortunately discarded, as Mrs. Daisy now looked for 
 amusement and exercise in a different way. The 
 great trouble at this time was with Hector; and in- 
 deed the very day after the encounter with Blodgett, 
 Guy Averall had quite a little adventure with that 
 worthy. Miss Davis required the youngster, so as 
 to set him to work in studying his lessons. But 
 Hector was not to be found, and in spite of Miss 
 Eleanor's assertion that she saw the boy go into the 
 
256 Guy Aver all. 
 
 garden, a short time previous, Guy was unable to 
 discover him in that place. The orderly then shouted 
 for Master Daisy by name; but no answer was made, 
 and in the end every one became somewhat afraid 
 that Hector was lost. A grand hunt was now the 
 result ; and although each person in the garrison was 
 questioned concerning Hector, yet no one could give 
 any information about the absentee. At this junc- 
 ture the entire family began to be really very uneasy, 
 but finally their anxiety was set at rest, for just after 
 sundown Guy Averall Avent once more into the 
 garden, and while there he noticed that an old vine- 
 gar barrel, stuck in one corner, which had been used 
 of late as a resting place for Mrs. Daisy's hens, began 
 to move. This of course excited Averall's attention, 
 and on going up to it, the orderly was much sur- 
 prised to find the gallant Hector crouched up in the 
 straw, with a piece of plum-cake in one hand, and a 
 book of fairy tales in the other, resting and reading 
 as contentedly as possible. Guy naturally felt some- 
 what provoked at the conduct of the greedy little 
 rascal; so he jerked him out of the barrel in an in- 
 stant. " Did you not hear me calling you, sir," said 
 Guy, after Hector was on his feet, " you have occa- 
 sioned us all a nice amount of trouble. I want you 
 to go into the house at once, and say your lessons to 
 Miss Eleanor." But the gallant Trojan was in no 
 humor to submit. " I don't care about my lesson, 
 and I don't care about Miss Eleanor, as you call 
 her," was his immediate reply, " and more than that, 
 I'll complain to papa, about the way you have pulled 
 and dragged me round, just for nothing. And I'll 
 see if I can't get you put in the guard house too, you 
 
Guy Aver all. 257 
 
 Averall." It subsequently appeared that the noble 
 Hector had indeed entered a complaint against our 
 friend, and fully expected, no doubt, that Guy would 
 suffer condign punishment as a necessary conse- 
 quence; but fortunately the commandant did not 
 pay any attention to the matter, and Averall con- 
 tinued to discharge his duties as heretofore. So much 
 for domestic affairs in the household of Major Daisy. 
 On one occasion, while serving as orderly at 
 Headquarters, Private Averall was the recipient of 
 some very well-intended advice on the part of Miss 
 Davis, the substance of which may as well be set 
 down in this place. To begin at the beginning, it is 
 perhaps necessary to state, that our friend having 
 expended his best efforts on the subject of ghosts 
 and disembodied spirits, without coming to any very 
 definite conclusion concerning them, began cogi- 
 tating within himself if there was no other study to 
 which he might properly direct his attention. Filled 
 with these thoughts, he happened to saunter into the 
 hallway one day, and noticing a book lying on the 
 stairway, he took it up and began to read. The vol- 
 ume was in French, and proved to be a collection of 
 short stories, which the immortal Hector was sup- 
 posed in the course of time to study, Guy glanced 
 at the first chapter which proved to be a translation 
 of Addison's paper, the " vision of Mirzah," and after 
 a little examination he found he could readily turn 
 tho narrative inro English. At this instant Miss 
 Eleanor made her appearance, so Guy laid down the 
 book and stood at " attention," as was always his 
 custom, when any member of the family entered the 
 room where he was. 
 
258 Guy Aver all. 
 
 " Never mind, Averall, you need not trouble 
 yourself about me. I'm only Miss Davis," was the 
 observation which escaped in a half involuntary 
 manner from the lady. But recollecting herself she 
 instantly added, " I see you are examining one of 
 Hector's books. Do you understand anything of 
 French, Averall ? " 
 
 "A little, very Httle, I should say, Miss," respond- 
 ed Guy. 
 
 " Where did you study the language .? " 
 
 " What little I know was learned a very long time 
 ago, long before I became a soldier." 
 
 " Where was that, Averall .? " 
 
 " If the truth must be told on the subject. Miss, 
 it was in the Kingdom of Ireland," said Guy. 
 
 " In Ireland indeed! " exclaimed the lady. " Well 
 I should never connect the study of the French lan- 
 guage with Ireland. But now that you are in America, 
 why do you not keep up your knowledge of the 
 tongue, by reading, occasionally, a French book.? " 
 
 " For the most obvious reason in the world," was 
 the rejoinder. " I'm nothing but a soldier, and in 
 the Army I find that any one who deviates from the 
 beaten track, which soldiers usually follow, is sure 
 to meet with a good deal of contempt. I might 
 tipple after pay-day, get into the guard house, spend 
 my money, and even occasionally be the subject of 
 a garrison court-martial, and no one would think the 
 worse of me on that account ; but if it were known 
 that I was in the habit of poring over a French 
 book, or hunting up words in a dictionary, why every 
 one would set me down as an odd fish at the best ; and 
 that is a reputation which no enlisted soldier cares 
 to sustain.' 
 
Guy Aver all. 259 
 
 "Yes, Averall, but on the other hand let me 
 assure you," said Miss Davis, "that no sensible per- 
 son will think the worse of you, even if you do not 
 choose to follow the beaten track ; but will rather 
 honor you for keeping away from it, when that track 
 appears to be wrong." 
 
 " I know, I know," was the rejoinder, " but 
 officers and their families. Miss Eleanor, can afford 
 to be more independent than members of the rank 
 and file. There are a number of good men in the 
 company, it is true, who do not care to dissipate ; 
 but there are others of a very different disposition, 
 and it actually seems, at times, that no one can stand 
 well in the estimation of these latter, unless he 
 chooses to follow exactly in their steps. These are 
 the persons I am obliged to contend with." 
 
 "Why Averall," was the rejoinder, "I see no 
 necessity for contending with them, at all. Try and 
 do what is right, and let your own character vindi- 
 cate itself. For my part, Averall, I shall always 
 consider you as a gentleman, as long as you behave 
 well. And as to this matter of French, I certainly 
 should not let the opinion of a few men prevent me 
 from studying it, if I felt so inclined. Any books I 
 have on the subject are at your service ; and if you 
 have any grammatical difficulty, at any time, why I 
 should always be glad to assist you, as far as it lies 
 in my power." 
 
 " Thank you. Miss Eleanor," said Averall, who at 
 that instant spoke from the bottom of his heart, for 
 the truth of the matter was, the bearing of Miss 
 Davis toward our friend was different from that which 
 he had experienced from any other lady at Fort Colum- 
 
a6o Gjiy Averall. 
 
 bus, as yet ; and this to Guy at the time, was a very 
 great consideration. And then our adventurer could 
 not help reflecting that if all the other ladies in the 
 Army only acted and spoke in the way Miss Davis 
 did, the service would be greatly improved, and every 
 one around them would remain much better satisfied. 
 "Yes," said he, but this was after a long pause, and 
 only when he had secured possession of the hall-way 
 to himself, " I am sorry that Mrs. Daisy, who pretends 
 to be a gentlewoman, and who is always boasting of 
 her fine acquaintances, both in New York and else- 
 where, cannot treat me as though I were a civilized 
 being, instead of spending her eternal soft soap over 
 my countenance. I'm not a savage, I wasn't born in 
 the wilds of Africa, even supposing my name is Pat. 
 But here comes the gallant Hector with his books in 
 his hand, prepared, I suppose, to fight for an hour or 
 two over his lessons. The day before yesterday I 
 heard him make an honest confession, as far as his 
 geography was concerned, for he said that as to those 
 two nations, Russia and Prussia, he never could dis- 
 tinguish the one'from the other. But as to Turkey 
 in Asia, he knew all about it, for that was the country 
 where figs were produced ; and no one who had once 
 eaten good, nice figs out of a round box, could pos- 
 sibly forget anything about them. 
 
 Vli. 
 
 But let us abandon this theme and proceed to 
 other subjects. As to the chief non-commissioned 
 officer in Company " E," Twenty-sixth Artillery, he 
 certainly deserved all the encomiums which his 
 friemis and admirers showered on his head. Sergeant 
 
Guy Aver all. 261 
 
 Lawless was, in fact, the beau ideal of all that is 
 graceful in the ranks, and amply deserved the favor 
 which many of the fair sex were disposed to bestow 
 on him. Handsome, active, and well-proportioned, 
 with sufficient self-appreciation to create the impres- 
 sion that he himself sufficiently understood the merits 
 of his own case, he habitually sought the shades of 
 Rotten Row, just as soon as evening parade was dis- 
 missed, and there continued till the first call for tattoo 
 was beaten. He was a prime favorite among the 
 young ladies of the garrison, that was evident ; 
 although they themselves, if questioned as to the 
 reason of this preference, could hardly give a very 
 satisfactory answer. Sergeant Lawless was not learned, 
 he was not intelligent, he was not honest, and no per- 
 son certainly thought him good, and yet every 
 unmarried female in Rotten Row seemed to idolize 
 him. Some may perchance ask the cause of this 
 strange infatuation. As far as this inquiry is con- 
 cerned, we must candidly admit we cannot tell, 
 it is a mystery to us, all we can say by way of 
 explanation is simply this, we have frequently heard 
 of such things before, and only know that there are 
 certain women, in all stations of life, who will fall 
 head and ears in love with any man, let his general 
 character be ever so worthless, provided he is in out- 
 ward appearance, a handsome, dashing fellow, ob- 
 serves a tolerable regard for the proprieties of life, 
 and, above all, enjoys the reputation of having some 
 deviltry in him. This, after all, was the character- 
 istic feature in the case of Sergeant Lawless, and to 
 it his success as a gay cavalier, must in the main be 
 attributed. 
 
262 Guy Aver all. 
 
 There was only one person in Rotten Row with 
 whom Sergeant Lawless was not quite successful, 
 and, as might naturally be expected, it was on this 
 particular person that his heart was most set. Miss 
 Kitty Traynor knew that she was good-looking, just 
 in the same way as Sergeant Lawless was acquainted 
 with his own graces; and what was still better, she 
 loved a little flirtation too. She was careful not to 
 give the non-commissioned officer any good ground 
 of challenge, but kept playing him off and on, with 
 all the arts of a coquette. Once, indeed, she told 
 Sergeant Lawless that she had almost half made up 
 her mind to become a soldier's wife; but the veiy 
 next evening when the case was mentioned, the little 
 minx chose to laugh in his face, said she had only 
 spoken in fun, and as to this thing of turning wash- 
 erwoman in the Army, just for the sake of a living, 
 it had never entered her calculations. And then, 
 on the following evening, she was careful to invite all 
 the non-commissioned officers, she could find, to her 
 uncle's house; and Sergeant Lawless, to his chagrin, 
 discovered that be was not treated one whit better 
 than anyone of the others. 
 
 This treatment on the part of Miss Kitty discon- 
 certed the handsome Sergeant a good deal, he bit 
 his lip, it is said, and looked anything but pleased, 
 when the fact of this indifference was mentioned. 
 But the Sergeant, during life, had been too much of 
 a lovemaker to venture on any very active demon- 
 stration. Indeed, he very gallantly vouchsafed the 
 opinion that in this matter of flirtation there was no 
 royal road, that he or any other man on earth could 
 follow; that women in this particular province were 
 
Guy Aver all. 263 
 
 resolved to have their own way; and that in the 
 peculiar circumstances in which he was placed, there 
 was no resource left for him except to behave him- 
 self in an even, modest and good-tempered manner; 
 and then accommodate himself according to future 
 developments. 
 
 At length the good Mrs. Daisy, hearing of the 
 facts of the case, resolved to take Kitty Traynor to 
 task on account of her manner towards such a dash- 
 ing non-commissioned officer as the Sergeant. " Why 
 Kitty," said the Brigadier one day as she stopped 
 the unoffending girl on the sidewalk, " I hear that 
 ever so many of the Sergeants and Corporals of the 
 garrison are so very attentive to you." The first 
 impulse of poor Kitty was to resent this unwarranta- 
 ble intrusion in the way it deserved; but on second 
 thought she determined to answer Mrs. Daisy accord- 
 ing to her folly, and with a quickness of manner, 
 that did her infinite credit, she assumed at once a 
 sufficiently innocent demeanor, and stood ready to 
 respond to such questions as were propounded by 
 her amiable protectress. 
 
 " Among other things, I hear that excellent man, 
 Sergeant Lawless, is disposed to be very attentive at 
 Rotten Row, is he not ?" 
 
 "Perhaps he is," was the rejoinder, "but really, 
 Mrs. Daisy, you don't expect I should know all about 
 Rotten Row. Why, I am nothing but one person in 
 that place, and have not the faculty of discovering 
 what happens among my neighbors." 
 
 " I commend your prudence in that, my dear 
 child," said Mrs. Daisy, who in her quality of pro- 
 tectress of the military establishment at Fort Colum- 
 
264 Guy Averall. 
 
 bus, thought it her duty to advise the commonality 
 on all sorts of subjects. I commend your prudence, 
 indeed, for if there is anything I utterly despise, it 
 is this inquisitive, meddling disposition. I have 
 always held the notion that in this busy world of 
 ours, every one has enough to do to attend to his or 
 her own proper vocation. But is Sergeant Lawless 
 so very attentive, after all ? " 
 
 "Indeed, I cannot answer for Sergeant Lawless," 
 was the response, " I just know as much of him as of 
 any other non-commissioned officer in the garrison." 
 
 '' I saw Sergeant Lawless standing among several 
 soldiers the other evening ; and I really thought him 
 the most handsome man in the Fort. So Sergeant 
 Lawless is not the favored one then ? How is it with 
 the Steward, Petersen 1 He is very attentive also, I 
 hear." 
 
 " I really dont know," said Kitty, giving a very 
 significant shake of her head. 
 
 " Upon my word," said Mrs. Daisy, " I really 
 think that Petersen is a very excellent man. Some 
 persons was sayfng, the other day, that he was study- 
 ing medicine, so as to be in time, a doctor; and that 
 I am sure, is a very commendable thing. Then there 
 is another very good man, Sergeant Ryan, what may 
 I ask, do you think of him ? " 
 
 " I know nothing of Sergeant Ryan, any more 
 than of any other soldier in the garrison," was the 
 answer. 
 
 " Oh, I see how it is, Kitty," said Mrs. Daisy 
 " Sergeant Lawless, after all, is the favorite." 
 
 " Well, since you speak of Sergeant Lawless so 
 highly," replied Kitty with a cunning little smile, "I 
 
 I 
 
Guy Aver all. 265 
 
 certainly must acknowledge that I am inclined to 
 take him on your recommendation. He is, as you 
 say a remarkably fine-looking soldier, and may pos- 
 sibly make a very good husband. At any rate, I 
 should never think of venturing on marriage, with- 
 out taking you in as my counsellor, for do you know 
 what, Mrs. Daisy, you have the reputation of knowing 
 more about the affairs of the garrison than any other 
 person in it." 
 
 The good Mrs. Daisy was a woman of vast and very 
 accurate erudition, as is well-known, yet in certain 
 directions, she was not so very high spirited, spite of 
 all that. She thought that the words of Kitty sound- 
 ed somewhat strangely, coming as they did from a 
 "camp woman," and the concluding part of the girl's 
 speech seemed to be intended as a quiet cut. Still 
 Mrs. Daisy could not absolutely take offence at it ; 
 and as Kitty was a very proper subject for catechiz- 
 ing again, the Brigadier resolved to take the whole 
 thing in good part. 
 
 "You are a very excellent girl, Kitty," said she 
 with a most engaging smile, " and I have always 
 taken the greatest possible interest in you, ever since 
 I first saw you at this Fort, Of one thing, in addition, 
 you may be certain, that whenever you do get mar- 
 ried, I certainly shall dance at your wedding." 
 
 VIII. 
 It was not among the enlisted men alone, that the 
 baby god, Cupid, played his cunning tricks at this 
 time. Both of the subalterns of Guy's company felt 
 the power of his dart. As soon as the Twenty-sixth 
 Artillery had returned to their old quarters, Messrs. 
 
266 Guy Averall. 
 
 Spruce and Taper immediately started to New York 
 city, in order to pay their respects to those " fine 
 girls " on whom their best affections were placed. 
 Spruce, on this occasion, it is said, indited a set of 
 verses, which subsequently found their way into 
 print, and which eventually became quite popular 
 among the gallant young officers of the time. 
 
 Lady, no cap is on my head, 
 
 No visor on my brow, 
 I've lost my plume, and lost my heart, 
 
 I'm not a soldier now ! 
 My uniform I've taken off, 
 
 My " cits " I've just put on. 
 And silk I've substiuted for 
 
 The leather stock I've worn. 
 No more the sound of cannon grates 
 
 Upon my ear, as when 
 It waked me up at break of day — . 
 
 I was a soldier then. 
 
 As to Taper, he was every bit as devoted as 
 Spruce, the difficulty in his case was to decide which 
 one of the two "-fine girls " he had then on hand was 
 the more eligible — the one who played the piano so 
 dehghtfully, and affected to despise the Army ; or 
 the one who did not play, and seemed to have a 
 sentimental inclination for the stars and stripes. 
 Both of them had " rocks," and that was the great 
 recommendation in this particular case, so Taper, 
 prudent little gentleman that he was, determined to 
 keep both of the " fine girls " in leading strings. 
 
 T 
 
 He who wears the regimental suit. 
 Is oft as gay as a raw recruit, 
 But what of that? 
 
Guy Averall. 267 
 
 The girls will follow when they hear the drum. 
 To view the tassel and the waving plume, 
 Which decks his hat. 
 CHORUS. 
 Off, off, we go and say that we're on duty. 
 Smoke our cigars, or flirt with some new beauty, 
 Vive, vive I'amour ! cigars and cogniac ! 
 Hurrah ! hurrah ! hurrah boys ! Vive le bivouac ! 
 
 2 
 
 When we mareh into a country town. 
 
 Prudes may fly from us and dames may frown, 
 
 But that's absurd ! 
 When we march away, we leave behind, 
 Prudes and dames who've been vastly kind. 
 
 Pray take my word. 
 
 CHORUS. 
 
 Off, off, we go, and say that we're on duty, &c. 
 
 Such was the sonsc which Messrs. Spruce and 
 
 Taper still chirruped at this time, with renewed 
 
 vigor; as they wandered once more round the borders 
 
 of'^Governor's Island, and occasionally pulled out the 
 
 picture of this " fine girl " or that " fine girl " in order 
 
 to show her visible form and likeness to one another. 
 
 And yet in spite of their self-appreciation, it 
 
 must be acknowledged, that neither one of these 
 
 gallants were insensible to modest worth; even when 
 
 that undemonstrative quality was not connected with 
 
 the possession of glittering pelf. One day, Guy 
 
 Averall had the luck to be sent with a message from 
 
 Major Daisy to the young officers, and on entering 
 
 their quarters, both Messrs. Spruce and Taper were 
 
 discovered in a state of dishabille, the first with 
 
 cravat untied, being engaged in looking over a novel, 
 
 written by that most famous of authors. Monsieur 
 
268 Guy Averall. 
 
 Alexander Dumas, while the other, in slippers and 
 dirty smoking-cap, was putting the finishing touches 
 to the letter which he was in the act of penning to 
 his lady love, at that instant. After selecting a 
 sentence which seemed particularly fine, and reading 
 it to his companion, Mr. Spruce assured Mr. Taper 
 that no woman living could read such gushing ex- 
 pressions as the ones just enunciated, and at the 
 same time remain insensible to the claims of the 
 writer. This assurance seemed to gratify Taper 
 immensely, but on a sudden the young man heaved 
 a sigh, and then on the instant laid down his pen. 
 
 " Do you know what Spruce," said Taper speak- 
 ing in a low tone, *' when I was a Cadet, at West 
 Point, I missed a glorious chance." 
 
 "How was that, my boy," asked Spruce as if 
 somewhat interested. 
 
 "I'll tell you all about it," was the rejoinder. "It 
 was the year before I graduated, when I accidentally 
 became acquainted with a young lady from Rochester, 
 in the State of New York. She was an angel I assure 
 you if there ever>vas one on the face of this earth." 
 
 " I am sure she was," responded Spruce with a 
 sympathetic air, "else you would not say so." 
 
 " I might have been a Count of IMonte Cristo, or 
 something of the sort, and achieved all manner of 
 magnificent things, if I had married that girl at the 
 first start. Her father, a wholesale druggist by pro- 
 fession was as rich as Croesus; and would have given 
 her two hundred thousand dollars, if he would have 
 given her a cent. The girl was desperately in love 
 with me beside; in fact, she as much as offered her- 
 self to me, not less than half a dozen times." 
 
Guy Ave rail. 269 
 
 " You were in bad luck on that occasion/' said 
 the other speaker. '' Why did you not take the 
 woman at her word?" 
 
 " Because I was a confounded fool, that is all, 
 and it is now that I am sensible of my mistake. But 
 that creature was an angel if there ever was one on. 
 earth. Her heart was as pure as crystal and " 
 
 "Also as cold," interposed Spruce. 
 
 " No it wasn't, it wasn't cold, one bit," replied 
 Taper, with much ardor. *' I might have had that 
 woman, as I said before, any day that I liked, but I 
 was a fool, and hadn't sense to properly press my 
 su't. Indeed, the only thing that my flame had 
 against me was my unfortunate name; jEnd even that 
 would not have made any difference, had it not been 
 for the sneers and banter of a certain little miscreant 
 from Massachusetts, who ran away Avith my prize." 
 
 " Who was that }" asked Spruce, who was evi- 
 dently interested in the recital thus offered by his 
 friend. 
 
 " Why do you not know ?" was the rejoinder. 
 " It was that little whelp Twitchell, belonging to the 
 Twenty-first, who was then acting as assistant Pro- 
 fessor at the Academy. I'd pistol that fellow just as 
 readily as I'd eat my breakfast, on account of the 
 way he treated me. By some means or other he 
 scraped acquaintance with my inamorata, and imme- 
 diately began to twit her with my name, Theophilus 
 Zanguebar Taper, till he laughed her out of what I 
 almost considered an engagement, and then finally 
 married her himself." 
 
 " That was unfortunate," said Spruce, " But 
 wont the lady on Twenty-fifth Avenue, to whom you 
 
Guy Aver all. 270 
 
 are at present so much devoted, possibly object to 
 Zanguebar also ? My dear fellow, do you never think 
 of that ? 
 
 " Of course I do, of course I do, I think of it 
 every day," was the rejoinder. " But I'll never inform 
 any women on the face of the earth that Zanguebar 
 is part of my name, at least till I'm married. After 
 that event it wont make much difference." 
 
 " You are right, my boy, you are right," responded 
 Spruce, who now commenced twitching his moustache 
 with a pair of silver-handled tweezers. " But suppo- 
 sing Taper," said he at length, " that by some accident 
 your present undertaking should fail, what then 1 " 
 
 " Why, try again my boy, try again, like a good 
 soldier, what else should I do." And here Mr. 
 Taper came to a pause and then added. " Perhaps 
 in a fit of desperation, I might be tempted to marry 
 a girl, poor but worthy, like Miss Eleanor then, who 
 as far as I know, would make a rough Artilleryman, 
 like me, a most excellent wife." 
 
 *' Right Taper, right, I say, I admire your pluck," 
 was the instant Response. " Only I would recommend 
 you to expend your efforts in another quarter, fordo 
 you know what, I've half an eye on Miss Eleanor 
 myself." 
 
 " Pshaw ! nonsense ! Now Spruce that is all 
 fudge," responded Taper. " How in the world can 
 a person have half an eye on one woman, and at the 
 same time be wholly devoted to another ? " 
 
 " I have always considered Miss Davis an excel- 
 lent lady," said Spruce. 
 
 " So have I," responded Taper, " and possessed, 
 by the way, of a very thorough education beside." 
 
Guy Ave rail. 271 
 
 " She understands the parley vous like a native, 
 at least so I've been told," said the one. 
 
 '* While her skill, in music, is beyond all ques- 
 tion," replied the other. 
 
 " She manages the whole household as a kind of 
 deputy general to her aunt," said the first speaker. 
 
 " And looks after that greedy young Hecto'-, in 
 addition," remarked the second. 
 
 " I wonder if she has any of the ready.? " asked 
 Spruce, who now gave his beautiful little moustache 
 a contemplative twist. 
 
 " Oh hang the cent, hang the cent," was the 
 answer, " and that is the vexatious part of the sub- 
 ject ; for her father, as I understand the case, had 
 saved a sufficient amount, out of his pay, to provide 
 for his family ; but unfortunately before setting out 
 to Mexico, he put all his money into the hand of one 
 of those wretched sham bankers, Avho infest New 
 York city. After a while the fellow failed and 
 insisted on turning the funds that were delivered to 
 him, as a trust, into an asset for the benefit of his 
 creditors ; and Miss Eleanor, having no one to 
 defend her rights was forced to give up all she had. 
 The consequence then is, that the girl is now obliged 
 to teach French for a living ; while the rascal who 
 defrauded her is looked on as a paragon of excel- 
 lence ; has his fine house on Twenty-fifth Avenue, 
 his liveried servants and all that sort of thing, and 
 finally as the crowning act of a swell, his aristocratic 
 "coat of arms." But who in the noble Twenty- 
 sixth cares for this vulgar display on the part of a 
 shabby pretender ? Not you or I, my dear fellow, 
 certainly not you or I." 
 18 
 
272 Guy Ave rail. 
 
 " I'll tell you what, if I was'iit already half 
 engaged," said Spruce, " I don't know that I could 
 do any better than spend my evenings at Head- 
 quarters." 
 
 " The very remark I was going to make," re- 
 sponded Taper, as if moved on a sudden by a noble 
 generosity. 
 
 "But we both cannot marry the same girl," said 
 the one. 
 
 "No, not in this civilized country," rejoined the 
 other. 
 
 " Let us then arrange the thing between us, so as 
 to see who will go in and win," suggested Spruce. 
 
 " Arrange the thing ! oh, Spruce, hang it, there 
 would be no sentiment in that. If we don't succeed 
 in New York, according to our expectations, let us 
 both rather try for Miss Eleanor, so as to give the 
 girl a fair chance." 
 
 "Right, my boy, right. The suggestion is in 
 every Avay worthy of your own noble heart," re- 
 sponded Spruce. " And, in short, there is nothing 
 left for us but to let events take their course, and 
 feel assured, with Pope, that 'whatever is, is right."* 
 
 "That's it, my boy — that's the very plan," re- 
 joined Taper. " I'll follow the idea suggested just 
 as you do." 
 
 And with this judicious remark, and the quota- 
 tion from the Essay on Man, just noticed, this 
 famous conversation between two of the younger 
 officers of the Twenty-sixth Artillery, came to a*con- 
 clusion. 
 
 IX. 
 
 It was at this particular juncture that the irre- 
 
Guy Aver all. 2^;^ 
 
 pressible Blodgett, as a bold and ardent spirit, re- 
 solved to take the affairs of the garrison in charge 
 and conduct himself accordingly. "By Jupiter," 
 said he to himself, one evening, just after he had 
 completed the plan of some wonderful machine or 
 other, which was destined to revolutionize the world. 
 " By Jupiter, I don't see why I should not have a 
 little pleasure, just as well as any one else; and if 
 Spruce and Taper enjoy the felicity of making love 
 to their girls, I cannot see why I myself should not 
 have the same satisfaction also." 
 
 So on the spur of the moment he buttoned up his 
 coat, and away he started to Headquarters. But 
 here his progress was barred by an untoward event 
 The good Mrs. Daisy still recollected that Blodgett, 
 when on drill, had denied her the services of Av- 
 erall, and the insult still lingered in her memory. 
 So she quietly stole into the drawing room, during 
 the interval that Blodgett was in waiting, and 
 informed him, in the first place, that her niece was 
 not at home; and secondly, that any one who went 
 about in a careless, indifferent mariner, calling on 
 the god Jupiter in the way Mr. Blodgett usually did, 
 gave proof sufficient by that single act, that his spirit 
 and disposition were anything but those of a gentle- 
 man, and till he had learned more agreeable manners 
 he had better not come into her presence. 
 
 "By Jupiter, ma'am, I will keep away then," re- 
 sponded the irresistible. And off he bolted in an 
 instant. 
 
 A few days after the foregoing event, while Guy 
 Averall was going round the Island, in company with 
 the bard Hogan, the latter saw fit to introduce the 
 
274 Gtiy Aver all, 
 
 name of the Brigadier. " Do you know what," said 
 he, " I have a very pretty story to tell in relation to 
 our lady Glumdalclitch," 
 
 " What is it pray ?" responded Averall, somewhat 
 interested, for to him about this time, the leading 
 traits and peculiarities of his lady patroness began 
 to be pretty well known. 
 
 " The thing is characteristic," said the Bard, "but 
 is told sub rosay for I would not for my life, that a 
 single word by way of disparagement, in regard to 
 so excellent a woman as Mrs. Daisy should be re- 
 peated. You know she is very fond of us soldiers, 
 she calls us her dear children, and never troubles us 
 for anything, except just what she wants; still, at the 
 same time, I don't know but I should like her much 
 better if she were a little less profuse of her compli- 
 ments, and exhibited some consideration for those 
 immediately around her. She occasionally pretends, 
 I believe, to be very charitable; but to my mind the 
 way she prevaricates and fibs, whenever it suits her 
 purpose, is perfectly shameful. You have heard of 
 her hunting Blodgett away from her house; because, 
 forsooth, he swears by the god Jupiter. Now that is 
 all fudge — Mrs. Daisy does not care one whit about 
 Jupiter, any more than anyone else, except just as 
 the notion strikes her. The truth of the matter is, 
 she is so much afraid of Miss Eleanor getting mar- 
 ried, she will stoop to any kind of meanness to pre- 
 vent it. Accordingly it so happened that when 
 Blodgett made his call, Miss Davis was made to«ap. 
 pear as if away from home, while the officer was 
 sent about his business. The story was told last 
 night on kitchen authority; and now the whole affair 
 is spread among us Philistines." 
 
Guy Ave rail. 275 
 
 "What an atrocious piece of imposition!" said 
 Guy, who uttered the exclamation, be it observed, 
 from the very bottom of his heart. 
 
 " The truth of the matter is," said Hogan, " that 
 in the Army those terribly aristocratic personages 
 play the very mischief with us, once they get into 
 power, since there is absolutely no way of keeping 
 them under control. Such persons as Mrs. Daisy 
 could hardly exist in civil life. People before long 
 would get tired of her, some would even express 
 their opinion in a way that could not possibly be 
 misunderstood. But with us the case is different, 
 Everything in the service is regulated by authority; 
 and if a woman, like the Brigadier, has an indolent, 
 easily led husband, she can inflict a great many an- 
 noyances on every one in the place where she is 
 quartered Like the trumpeter in ^sop, she may 
 remain guiltless of war herself, but blowing the 
 blasts which set other people fighting. Why I recol- 
 lect one incident which happened at a post where I 
 was serving, some years ago; and which, although 
 perpetrated by a so-called lady, seemed such a piece 
 of stupid barbarism, that even at this distance of 
 time I occasionally recall it." 
 
 '* What were the circumstances, pray ?" asked 
 Guy. 
 
 " The thing took place before the Mexican War. 
 At the place mentioned the wife of the commandant 
 bore a general resemblance to the Brigadier, was 
 always boasting of her family connections, and other 
 claims to consideration. One day she missed a silk 
 dress, and immediately charged a colored servant 
 with taking it. The negro denied the implication, 
 
276 Gxty Averall. 
 
 when the mistress reiterated the charge, and then 
 told the servant that if the dress were not produced 
 immediately, the person who took it would be 
 whipped." 
 
 ' I don't care whether I am whipped or not,' was 
 the reply, ' that will not make me produce the dress. 
 I never took it and know nothing as to where it is.' 
 
 'You did, you huzzy,* was the response on the 
 part of this Brigadier, ' and now I'll get you punished 
 for your insolence, if it were for nothing else.' 
 
 ' Very well, I can't help it,' was the reply on the 
 part of the darkey. The mistress, however, carried 
 out her threat, the servant was sent to the guard 
 house, and there she received a most outrageous 
 lashing, under the direction of the husband of the 
 mistress, who was himself present on the occasion. 
 Three or four days after, the dress, which was the 
 occasion of all this clamor, was discovered in the 
 bottom of an old trunk, where the wife of the com- 
 mandant had carelessly thrown it. So much for 
 plebeian aristocracy." 
 
 "Well," said Guy, "such things are atrocious, 
 although as far as our Brigadier is concerned, boast- 
 ful and imperious though she may seem, I hardly 
 think she would be guilty of such conduct as that. 
 But why are all our officers so infatuated about their 
 New York acquaintances ? Are all the excellencies 
 of the earth concentrated in a little spot of Manhat- 
 tan Island, three-quarters of a mile long and one- 
 quarter broad ? Our marriageable officials are young, 
 handsome, agreeable, and have their salaries, at least, 
 as a means of support. Mrs. Daisy cannot chase 
 them all away, and as to Miss Eleanor, I'm sure she 
 
Guy Aver all. 2'j'j 
 
 would make any person in the Army a good wife; a 
 much better one, in all probability, than some of 
 those ' fine girls ' on Twenty-fifth Avenue, to whom 
 both Spruce and Taper seem so very, very attentive. 
 On one occasion, indeed, I heard them both speak 
 very favorably of Miss Eleanor." 
 
 At this suggestion which was put forward in the 
 utmost good faith, the bard gave a shrill whistle, then 
 came to a halt, and afterwards commenced beating 
 his knees, in imitation of the gallop of a horse. 
 
 " Quadrupe-dante pa-trem soni-tu quatit-ungula- 
 campum. They are all in a trot, up Broadway, to 
 those blessed abodes, where nobody save saints and 
 angels are supposed to dwell. I dare say you have 
 heard of the famous doggerel, which was perpetrated 
 by the English footman." 
 
 When the Duke of Leeds shall married be, 
 To a fine young lady of high quality, 
 How happy will that gentlewoman be. 
 In his grace of Leeds good company. 
 
 She shall have all that is fine and fair, 
 And the best of silk and satin to wear, 
 And ride in a coach to take the air. 
 And have a house in Saint James' Square. 
 
 Now reverse the she for the he, and you have the 
 precise situation. In short, sir, I do not wish to be 
 severe on any one; and as to our officers, I do not 
 accuse them of any very flagrant crime. They do 
 not usually dissipate, they do not gamble, they are 
 reasonably attentive to their military duties, and if 
 the country were in danger, I'm sure they would all 
 do their duty towards it. But at the same time they 
 have the prevailing fault of the age, unmitigated 
 
278 Guy Aver all. 
 
 selfishness in money matters, and I am afraid in this 
 universal hunt for wealth, Miss Davis, even in spite 
 of her good qualities, will receive but scant justice 
 from them. Fifty or a hundred years ago, according 
 to current reports, young men had their failings, but 
 they were somewhat different from those that now 
 exist. They roystered, they got drunk, they fought 
 duels, and made beasts of themselves generally, 
 whenever they got the opportunity. At present we 
 have changed all that. But the question still remains, 
 is the change for the better?" 
 
 " I understand," responded Guy, " the general 
 conclusion from what you say." 
 
 " Is what ?" asked Hogan. 
 
 " It simply is this," replied Averall, " that Miss 
 Davis, for want of a better offer, will turn round 
 some bright morning, and marry that scatterbrain 
 Blodgett." 
 
ALL FOR LOVE. 
 
 Previous to this time a somewhat untoward event 
 took place. A man who had been confined, as a 
 prisoner, at the guard house, met with his death in 
 consequence of the harsh treatment he received at 
 that place. The unfortunate fellow, whose name 
 was Grady, had been on leave of absence for twenty- 
 four hours; and at the expiration of his term, he 
 came back from the city, pretty drunk. He was 
 accordingly thrust into durance vile, and while there 
 was undoubtedly very noisy. Taper, at that time 
 was officer of the day; and finding that the man's 
 bellowings could not be stopped, he ordered Ryan, 
 who was then Sergeant of the Guard, to take him out 
 of the prisoner's room and make a " spread eagle" 
 of him. This operation, which was then quite preva- 
 lent, but has now fortunately been laid aside, con- 
 sisted in taking the offender and pinioning him on 
 the ground, so that he could not stir, his arms and 
 feet being extended as far as possible for that pur- 
 pose. Still the man continued his ravings; and 
 among other things he charged the Sergeant of the 
 Guard with that familiar crime of selling the provi- 
 sions belonging to the men, and then sitting down, 
 with certain other non-commissioned officers of his 
 own stamp, and squandering the proceeds over cards. 
 Whether the accusations were true or not, in this 
 279 
 
28o Guy Ave rail, 
 
 particular case, is not known; the charge, however, 
 made the Sergeant furious, so without any more ado, 
 he thrust a big stick into the prisoner's mouth, and 
 secured it there as a gag. Meanwhile the man was 
 lying exposed to the rays of the sun, but before long, 
 either the whiskey or the heat produced its natural 
 effect, for he was senseless. Seeing him in a state of 
 coma, Guy Averall instantly ran for the doctor, who 
 on his arrival ordered the prisoner to be untied. 
 Such remedies as were available, were now employed 
 to restore Grady to his senses, but unfortunately 
 with little effect, for the man died in the course of a 
 couple of hours. A report of the case soon reached 
 Headquarters, a paragraph or two on the subject 
 appeared in the newspapers, a clamor was raised, and 
 an investigation was ordered in Washington. Before 
 long down came old General Fuzzy, the same official 
 who on a former occasion had reviewed the troops; 
 intent no doubt on enquiring into all the circum- 
 stances of the case. After the usual review and 
 inspection, the men were dismissed, and then the 
 Officer of the Day, and Sergeant cf the Guard was 
 summoned into the j)resence of the old chief. What 
 explanations were made in regard to the matter is 
 not positively known; this much appears certain that 
 the officer was not by any means allowed to go scot 
 free ; the General, in fact, was reported as adminis- 
 tering a pretty severe repremand in the connection, 
 and eventually an official order was published for- 
 bidding the use of tlie " spread eagle " in the future, 
 and limiting punishments on prisoners, to those 
 which may be regularly inflicted by sentence of an 
 appropriate courtmartial. As to Lieutenant Taper, 
 
Guy Aver all. 281 
 
 he was only loo glad to get rid of the affair on such 
 easy terms; for since Grady had died he wa§ some- 
 what apprehensive of being tried for manslaughter. 
 But Ryan being of a different temperament took the 
 thing very unconcernedly ; in fact he swaggered 
 about, day after day, just as if the loss of an odd 
 soldier or two, through his brutality, were a thing of 
 the most trifling consequence. 
 
 Meanwhile the good and amiable Mrs. Daisy re- 
 solved to mitigate this little unpleasantness in as 
 effectual a manner as possible ; and in pursuance of 
 this design she finally determined to give another 
 chapeau bras. Invitations were accordingly issued 
 in the accustomed form, and the Hospital once more 
 was put in order. The floor of the dancing hall was 
 waxed, so that you could almost see your face in it, 
 such bayonets as could be spared were arranged in 
 the form of a heart on the ceiling, the name Daisy, 
 in large Roman capitals, was painted directly over 
 the spot where the hostess intended receiving her 
 guests, while to crown all, Messrs. Spruce and Taper 
 both went over to New York and ordered another 
 suit of clothes, so as to appear properly in mufti. 
 As to the Garde Imperiale, that of course could not 
 be omitted, for Corporal Sullivan had already ac- 
 quired ample credit in that role, and Hogan, Averall 
 and Moldwcll were all detailed in order to pay proper 
 respect to her Imperial Highness on the occasion. 
 When the guests began to arrive, it was noticed that 
 a very large number of staff officers were present, 
 for Mrs. Daisy seemed resolved to crush all adverse 
 criticism in regard to the management of the post, 
 as far as her gallant husband was concerned. She 
 
282 Guy Avcrall. 
 
 did not condescend to wlieedle or deal in elaborate 
 compliments, as other ladies would do in like cir- 
 cumstances, be it observed; her mind was altogether 
 too lofty for any such pitiful attempts as these, her 
 great strength lay in her capacity as a gusher, and as 
 far as this quality was available, it was certainly 
 exerted to the utmost on the occasion. " I under- 
 stand Madam," said Captain Triangle of the Topo- 
 graphical Engineers, who probably understood what 
 subject was most agreeable. " I understand, Madam, 
 that it is your intention to go abroad during the en- 
 suing summer." These words were spoken in the 
 interval between two successive dances, and were 
 intended as a very delicate compliment on the part 
 of the speaker; for to go abroad, as the phrase is 
 understood in New York, implies both wealth and 
 leisure, the two greatest gifts that fortune can possibly 
 bestow. 
 
 "I intend to visit Europe, most certainly," was 
 the reply of Mrs. Daisy to the inquiry made on the 
 part of Captain Triangle. " I intend of course to 
 go abroad ; that is provided Major Daisy is willing 
 to enter into those arrangements which I propose. 
 And in case I do, I certainly intend taking Hector 
 with me, so as to give him every possible advantage. 
 Do you know that I really believe Hector to be one 
 of the most extraordinary boys I ever met. His 
 genius for foreign languages and mathematics is per- 
 fectly astonishing." 
 
 " Does Miss Davis intend to accompany you» 
 may I ask } " said Triangle, who chose to exhibit 
 some curiosity in regard to that somewhat obscure 
 personage. 
 
Guy Aver all. 283 
 
 "Of course, of course, as my assistant," replied 
 Mrs. Daisy. " We both intend to take care of 
 Hector, and give him all the advantages that a tour 
 on the continent of Europe can possibly confer." 
 
 " A very judicious resolve indeed," responded 
 Triangle, " I'm sure the advantage will not be lost^ 
 on Hector. By the way, somebody or other men- 
 tioned to me that you intended to remain for several 
 months in the city of Paris." 
 
 " Of course I do, of course I do," rejoined Mrs. 
 Daisy, I should be a monster to neglect doing so. 
 La belle Paree ! La belle Paree, what would the 
 world be without its belle Paree! We would be 
 monsters, savages, Hottentots— whatever you like— 
 anything, in fact, rather than civilized beings. Really 
 and truly I think it is to France we are indebted for 
 almost all that is elegant and great in this present 
 age. Look at the progress of that country in the 
 fine arts ; look at the majestic personage who at 
 present rules that realm ; look at the painters, the 
 poets, the sculptors, the dramatic writers, the musi- 
 cians, and everything else, which we find in lagratulc 
 nation. Really, Captain Triangle, you must forgive 
 me, if I feel a little enthusiastic on this subject." 
 
 " I have no doubt that France, in Mrs. Daisy, 
 will find an appreciative spectator of her greatness," 
 said Triangle with a very polite bow. And with these 
 important words this very elaborate conversation 
 came to a termination. 
 
 The programme for the evening consisted of the 
 usual mixture of round and square dances; and the 
 supply of delicacies on the supper table was both 
 varied and abundant; for Mrs. Daisy, to do her 
 
284 Guy Aver all. 
 
 justice;. had a certain animal love of good eating, and 
 as long as every person around her did exactly as 
 she wished, and gratified her whims in every possi- 
 ble respect, she was certainly the most liberal woman, 
 as far as provender was concerned, that probably 
 ever existed. During the festivities it was noticed 
 that Miss Davis, by some strange mishap was absent; 
 and the Brigadier on more than one occasion was 
 obliged accordingly to explain. ** The poor dear 
 child, whom I love so very much, has one of those 
 miserable headaches, to which she is constantly 
 subject; and knowing the state in which she usually 
 is, on those occasions, I could not help insisting on 
 her returning home." Then turning to another officer 
 whose well-cut chin, although half hidden by a mous- 
 tache, served to denote the man of resolution, the 
 amiable hostess continued : — 
 
 "Oh, Mr. Square, I am so very glad, indeed, to 
 see you here — I hope you are enjoying yourself this 
 evening. I should be very glad to welcome you 
 back, at any time, to the Regiment; but then your 
 position, as a riiember of General Scott's military 
 family, is so very desirable, that I do not imagine 
 you are particularly anxious to join us in either fort 
 or field. By the way, what are all those stories 
 which I have heard of you lately ? I am told you 
 are quite attentive to that very pretty little cousin of 
 yours, who lives half way between Twenty-fifth 
 Avenue and Gramercy Park — report indeed says it 
 will be a match, as a matter of consequence. I 
 should wish ycu all happiness, in the connection, I 
 am sure ; and am certain you could not select a 
 more accomplished lady for a wife." 
 
Guy Aver all. 2 85 
 
 " My cousin is indeed a woman of intelligence," 
 was the reply, " but then you must not pay too much 
 attention to what report says, for Madam Rumor, 
 you must recollect, is a great gossip. To tell the 
 truth, I have enjoyed my bachelor freedom so long, 
 that I almost hesitate to give it up for any consid- 
 eration. Am I not right in delaying somewhat in 
 this matter ?" 
 
 " Why no, I cannot see that there is any neces- 
 sity for delay," was the answer. "Judging from my 
 own experience, I should certainly give my opinion 
 in a contrary direction. There is my own good 
 Tom, the best and dearest man that ever existed, 
 and I'm sure we have had a good deal of hap- 
 piness together. He was the only person whose 
 attention I ever encouraged, he married me after a 
 courtship of a fortnight, and in spite of the short- 
 ness of an engagement, we certainly have had nothing 
 but unalloyed pleasure ever since, in each other's 
 society." 
 
 Here the officer was forced to smile on account 
 of this very candid confession on the part of his 
 hostess. As he turned away his head, Guy Averall 
 caught a glimpse of his face, standing as the latter 
 was in the hallway. On a sudden it occurred to him 
 that he had seen that same personage before. Where 
 could it have been ? Somewhere, he felt certain, in 
 New York. At length the truth flashed across his 
 mind. It was the same individual who, long ago, 
 
 had delivered him from the mock auction, in Broad- 
 
 •» 
 
 way. 
 
 II. 
 
 By instituting proper inquiries during the next 
 
286 Guy Aver all. 
 
 few days, Guy Averall was enabled to ascertain a 
 few items in regard to the previous history of his 
 benefactor. Lieutenant Square, was a man whom 
 fortune had favored in many respects; and who, at 
 the same time, had not abused her gifts. His an- 
 cestors, the Squares of Madison Square, were of an 
 old Knickerbocker stock; and as such, had occupied 
 a somewhat prominent place in the history of his 
 native State, at a time when family influence, and 
 perhaps we may add, personal merit, passed for more 
 than they do now. As to himself, the Lieutenant 
 had received all the advantages that a liberal train- 
 ing could give. He had passed through the usual 
 fitting schools in a creditable way, and had already 
 graduated at one of our eastern colleges, when the 
 tender of an appointment to the military academy 
 was made, and this, after a little hesitation, he saw 
 proper to accept. His course at that institution was 
 such as to gain him the good will of both instructors 
 and cadets. Of studious habits, and attentive to his 
 duties, he, at the same time, avoided that offensive 
 smartness, which seems to take delight in "pinking" 
 a brother soldier; and as a natural consequence he 
 Kas regarded as a "fine fellow," who was justly en- 
 titled to all the favors that the institution heaped on 
 him. His friends visited him occasionally while at 
 West Point; and among others, that little cousin of 
 his, to whom report said he was now engaged, had 
 frequently met him there. After receiving his com- 
 mission, he served for a couple of years with his 
 regimeTit, and at the termination of that time, he 
 was selected by General Scott, as a member of his 
 staff. Here, he had the honor of being entrusted 
 
Guy Averall. 287 
 
 with several missions of a sufficiently delicate and 
 important nature to testify the esteem in which the 
 General himself held him. Such advantages as 
 study and travel could confer, were not meanwhile 
 neglected by Lieutenant Square; he had crossed the 
 American Continent, on two successive occasions, 
 for the purpose of examining its topographical fea- 
 tures, and on his return from one of these, had made 
 a very elaborate report on the subject to his military 
 superiors. Nor had good luck neglected him in 
 other regards— an uncle of his died about this time, 
 who left him a very considerable sum of money, 
 safely invested in a United States loan. And thus, 
 on the whole, it may be said of him, as was formerly 
 said of the Danish King, he had 
 
 A combination and a form, indeed, 
 Where every god did seem to set his seal 
 To give the w^orld, assurance of a man. 
 
 And is this account, laudatory although it may 
 seem, an exaggerated, or an unnatural one .? Do we 
 not, every now and then, meet in the Army men who 
 seem to unite in themselves all the good qualities 
 attributed to this officer ? Are such persons as Bay- 
 ard and Sidney now extinct in the military profes- 
 sion ? We hope not, even in this time serving, 
 money making age of ours. For our part, we utterly 
 despise that sneering, fault-finding disposition, which 
 refuses to see anything good in those by whom we 
 are surrounded. It is only the fiend Mephistopheles 
 himself, and his followers, who habitually exhibit 
 this unenviable trait. 
 
 As to the officer's fiancee^ nothing was known at 
 19 
 
288 Guy Averall. 
 
 the time by Guy Averall, beyond the fact that she 
 was reported pretty; and like Square himself was 
 believed to be wealthy; indeed the union of their 
 respective fortunes was commented on, as a thing of 
 mutual advantage. Further than this neither Guy 
 Averall, nor any of the enlisted men then serving at 
 Fort Columbus knew anything of the lady; although 
 it was a fair matter of inference, that a person like 
 Lieutenant Square would never seek an alliance with 
 any one whom he could not esteem and value as a 
 friend, 
 
 III. 
 
 The chapeau bras was now over, the inquiry as 
 to the death of Private Grady was ended, the indig- 
 nation of the Inspector General was satisfied; so 
 Mrs. Daisy had an opportunity to expatiate once 
 more on those amiable dignitaries in Europe, on 
 whom her mind as an aristocratic member of society 
 seem to constantly dwell; while Guy Averall once 
 more took, to his studies with renewed vigor. He 
 commenced mathematics, and having a natural apti- 
 tude in that direction, he soon made considerable 
 progress in these studies; in a year indeed, he was 
 able to go through the entire discussion of curves of 
 the second degree, as deduced from the expression 
 between two variables, a fact which indicated a very 
 considerable amount of geometrical skill. In 
 French, the want of a teacher was somewhat severely 
 felt; for although he read his Gil Bias and Charles 
 the Twelfth in due order, his pronunciation of the 
 language was really no pronunciation at all, while his 
 knowledge of the niceties of the tongue was, like 
 that of most foreigners v/ho study it, never very accu- 
 
Guy Aver all. 289 
 
 rate. We all remember the criticism of Macaulay, 
 as applied to this subject, when speaking of Fred- 
 erick the Great. Some encouragement Averall re- 
 ceived, at this time, from looking over the grammar 
 of William Cobbett, who gives a very interesting ac- 
 count of the way he studied French. Cobbett was 
 like Averall, an enlisted soldier, but while serving in 
 the ranks he indulged in none of the dissipation 
 common in barrack life. Among other circumstances 
 which the Englishman mentions, is an expedient, 
 adopted while serving with his Regiment in Canada, 
 in order to impress on his memory the various forms 
 of irregular verbs. This was a piece of pasteboard 
 containing a list of these words, written alphabeti- 
 cally, which was carried round by Cobbett in his 
 pocket, and whenever a particular termination was 
 forgotten, the card was always forthcoming to re- 
 fresh his memory. And the industry and self 
 restraint, implied in such a course as this, ultimately 
 obtained its reward,- for many years from that date, 
 William Cobbett, once Sergeant Major of the 54th 
 Foot, stood up as a candidate for the borough of 
 Oldham, and for that borough was elected a member 
 of the British Parliament. 
 
 But there were other students beside Guy Averall 
 at the Fort, and while discharging his every day 
 duties as Orderly at Headquarters, our friend had 
 frequent opportunities of observing the wonderful 
 genius of Hector, not only in regard to mathematics, 
 but to such other subjects as he was taught. "We 
 will have to send the child to West Point, on his 
 return from Paris, he has such commanding talents, 
 that it would be a pity to neglect him," was the con- 
 
290 Guy Averall 
 
 stant exclamation of Mrs. Daisy; and certes the 
 talents of Hector were of a most extraordinary de- 
 scription, as far as Guy was capable of judging. One 
 day the Brigadier went over to town, and Averall 
 was told to assist Miss Davis, in fixing a set of 
 window curtains in the parlor. Hardly had he began 
 the task, when Blodgett, who in spite of his declara- 
 tion to keep away from Headquarters, apparently 
 took advantage of the absence of Brigadier to play 
 the dearly devoted to Miss Davis. In he came to 
 the parlor, sat down to the piano, and commenced 
 drumming away in a very brilliant style, his hair as 
 long and as fiery as usual, and his shirt, if the truth 
 must be told, very clean indeed for a person of his 
 habits. The piece chosen was one from a selection 
 of miscellaneous music, and as the irrepressible 
 stretched himself back on the music stool, he gs,ve 
 Guy and Miss Davis his rendering of the following 
 song: 
 
 I 
 
 In days of ancient chivalry, 
 A Knight of noble name, 
 
 Had lost his lordly lands and state, 
 But not his well-earned fame. 
 
 " I care not for my vanished wealth, 
 " My gold and silver flown, 
 
 "I still can wit-Id uy trusty sword, 
 " And honor's stil. my own. 
 
 " I still can wield my trusty sword, 
 " And honor's still my own." 
 
 2 
 
 His life blood ebbing fast away 
 
 Upon the battle plain 
 That Knight siill grasped his gallant sword, 
 
 Though human help was vain. 
 
Gtty Aver all. 291 
 
 " My soul to God, my heart to her 
 
 " Who fills this bosom's throne, 
 " My life is for my country given, 
 
 •' But honor's still my own, 
 " My life is for my countr.' given, 
 
 •' But honor's still my own." 
 
 "Well by Jupiter," said Blodgett, when he had 
 finished the last Une, " if they had only given me a 
 fair chance, when I was a boy, in the way of a musi- 
 cal education, I would have been one of the greatest 
 of opera singers, by this time, that was ever heard, 
 either in this or any other country." 
 
 " Do you really think so," said Miss Davis as if 
 somewhat amused at the officer's appreciation of 
 himself. 
 
 "Certainly," said Blodgett again returning to the 
 charge, " I have naturally one of the best tenor voices 
 that ever was known. I can go over a good two 
 octaves and a half— all the way from A flat to D 
 sharp — just hear me." And in an instant the irre- 
 pressible Lieutenant was running over the notes, just 
 as if he were at a New England Singing School. 
 
 "Why, Mr. Blodgett," said Miss Davis with a 
 smile, as if determined to humor the foible of her 
 visitor. " I really had no idea that you possessed 
 such a magnificent organ. Why if you only had a 
 proper training, you might go on the stage at any 
 time, and acquire a reputation in opera." 
 
 "By Jupiter, so I might Miss Davis," said 
 Blodgett, who accepted the compHment without a 
 moment's hesitation. "And you, by the way, are 
 not the first person who has told me the same thing. 
 Why, I have a friend in New York, who assures me 
 
292 Guy Aver all. 
 
 that Brignoli is no singer at all in comparison to me; 
 and that if I had tried the part of Manrico, I could 
 have beat him all hollow. Miss Davis, I have a 
 proposition to make. I can get an arrangement of 
 ah chela morte in the city; and let us both see what 
 we can accomplish in that duet. I'll do my best I 
 assure you." 
 
 *'I have no doubt, Mr. Blodgett," said Miss 
 Davis, " that a person of your musical skill, would 
 be able to acquit himself in a piece, such as that, 
 with great credit." 
 
 "By Jupiter, Miss Davis," responded Blodgett, 
 who now threw back his head, and gave himself an 
 appreciative shake. " By Jupiter, Miss Davis, it 
 does me real good to hear a sensible woman, like 
 you, talking in that way. Other ladies of my ac- 
 quaintance might repeat my praises from morning 
 to night, and from night to morning, and yet their 
 words would be to me mere phrases, signifying noth- 
 ing. Miss Davis, I do not know that I can express 
 my feelings, on this occasion, in any more appropri- 
 ate way, than by saying that I am willing to sing 
 duets with you, not only when serving on Governor's 
 Island, but also during life. Miss Davis, just think 
 of these words for a moment. During life, Miss 
 Davis, during life !" 
 
 "Oh dear me, Mr. Blodgett," said Miss Eleanor, 
 who did not care apparently to take the words of the 
 irrepressible Lieutenant in the way these were evi- 
 dently intended. "I like a little music, now and 
 then, and shall be always glad to have you to accom- 
 pany me, when at your leisure. But singing duets 
 through life, I'm afraid, would be a somewhat mo- 
 
Guy Averall. 293 
 
 notonous occupation. For my part, I should cer- 
 tainly desire a more varied existence than that." 
 
 " Then I am willing to make it as varied as you 
 please, Miss Davis, provided you give^ne the chance, 
 I'll dance, I'll sing, I'll ride with you. I'll do every- 
 thing in the world to make you happy, if only — " 
 
 "Oh dear me, Mr. Blodgett," said Miss Eleanor, 
 somewhat embarrassed. "I have always been sensible 
 of your politeness as an officer at this post." And 
 then as if to change the subject, the lady asked the 
 irrepressible how he liked some music which had 
 been given the week previous in New York ? 
 
 "Very well, indeed," responded Blodgett, who 
 was now all aglow on one subject, " I like the per- 
 formance very much, the barcarolle, for instance, was 
 very fine; although, as I've said before, I'd beat that 
 ass of a Brignoli, in this matter of singing, com- 
 pletely. But that was not the matter. Miss Davis, 
 we were discussing, just now, if you recollect. We 
 were simply speaking of singing duets together. Miss 
 Davis, you do not know how happy I should be, if 
 only I were able to sing and talk, and play accom- 
 paniments, on the piano, with you, whenever I like." 
 
 " Let us change the subject to something more 
 agreeable," said Miss Eleanor, who now began to 
 perceive that Blodgett was in no humor to be put off. 
 And at the same instant our friend Averall, who 
 overheard all their conversation from his seat in the 
 hallway, was angry enough with the pertinacious fel- 
 low, now arguing his cause, to take him bodily, and 
 throw him out of the house. But the Lieutenant 
 was in no humor to be put off. 
 
 "Oh! Miss Davis," exclaimed he in a way that 
 
294 Guy Averall. 
 
 was almost irresistible, " why do you talk in that 
 cruel, cruel manner! You do not know how long I 
 have cherished you as the queen of my inmost 
 thoughts ! You do not know how long I have 
 doated, have dreamed on you; how during the silent 
 watches of the night I have dwelt on your image; 
 how even in my midnight sleep I have — " 
 
 " Mr. Blodgett," said Miss Eleanor with some 
 indignation, "have I ever done or said anything to 
 encourage such a declaration as this?" 
 
 Such a question as the foregoing, put to any or- 
 dinary mortal, ought to have been sufficient ; but 
 Blodgett, as the reader is probably aware, was one of 
 those consumate asses, spite of his vast scientific 
 knowledge, who would not remain satisfied with a 
 mere refusal, so he resolved to carry the fortress by 
 a coup de main, and down he went accordingly on 
 his knees. Miss Davis would willingly have told him 
 that the subject he had insisted on was really a very 
 painful one ; but Blodgett would not listen to any 
 remonstrance on her part, so with hands clasped, and 
 head thrown to one side, he began pouring out his 
 phrases in the most extravagant way. But at this 
 juncture the interview was cut short; for Averall, 
 hearing the ui)roar in the parlor, determined at all 
 risks to come to the assistance of his mistress, and 
 therefore sans ceremonic, he strode into the room. As 
 soon as Guy made his appearance, Blodgett jumped 
 to his feet, and Miss Eleanor as if anxious to termin- 
 ate the interview in this way, directed the orderly to 
 put a few sticks of wood on the fire. 
 
 "You wont listen to me then," said Blodgett to 
 Miss Eleanor, by way of a parting shot. But the 
 
Guy Averall. 295 
 
 latter simply looked at the officer, without saying a 
 word, and the other understanding the silence of the 
 lady as his conge, quietly left the room. At the same 
 time Guy Averall was ready to give him his blessing, 
 " You greasy compound of dirt and braggadocio," 
 said he to himself, " if you had a little cleanliness 
 and modesty; just like any one else, you would pass 
 muster well enough. However, as the case now 
 apparently stands, I'm not much afraid for Miss 
 Davis." 
 
 It was some little time after the disappearance of 
 Blodgett, before Miss Davis could recover her usual 
 self-possession ; the matter nevertheless was set at 
 rest in a very commonplace way, by the appear- 
 ance of young Hector, who now made his entrance 
 into the room, and began shouting at the top of his 
 voice, " Bah ! bah ! bah ! bah ! I want some cake, I 
 want some cake. Bah ! bah ! bah ! bah ! wont you 
 come away at once and get me some cake .'* " 
 
 ** For heaven's sake, Hector," said Miss Davis, as 
 if distressed beyond measure at the obstreperous 
 noise, ** go and get your book, and study your lessons* 
 and dont think eternally of your stomach. Where 
 is that little French grammar of yours ? Go and 
 learn your lessons in it, as soon as you can, and I will 
 be ready to hear you in a few minutes." 
 
 "Yes, but who can study his French lessons, or 
 anything else, without his cake. I cant, I tell you 
 cousin Eleanor, I cant, so that is an end of the mat- 
 ter." In twenty minutes or therabouts, however, the 
 gallant youth again made his appearance, with a dog- 
 
t96 Guv Ave rail. 
 
 eared book in one hand, and a slate in the other. 
 Miss Davis sat down on a lounge, and cunimcnced 
 teaching school. 
 
 " Come now, Hector, go on with your French, let 
 me hear you read," was the first expression on the 
 part of the promj)tress. 
 
 *' I want some cake, I want some cake, I cant 
 read French without my cake." And forthwith 
 Hector opened his book. 
 
 ** Juh ai un bon " 
 
 " Not jah ai, Hector — fai is tlie word, jironounced 
 as one syllable." 
 
 " Very well, j'ai un bon pcre, et un bonne mere." 
 
 " Not un bonne mere. Hector, une bonne mere — 
 mere, you must recollect, is feminine." 
 
 " Very well, une bonne mere. Men pere a vu la 
 maison et le jardins," 
 
 "Not le jardins, Hector, jardins is plural — les 
 jardins is the word." 
 
 "Very well, les gardins. J'ai une grammaire, 
 une ardoise, et June crayon." 
 
 " That will do, now shut your book, and lot me 
 ask a few questions in grammar. How many numbers 
 have we in French V 
 
 " Two," said Hector quite boldly. 
 
 " Two, that is very well. Now what are their 
 names.?" 
 
 " Masculine and feminine," responded Hector 
 with great alertness. 
 
 " Masculine and feminine numbers !" exclaimed 
 Miss Eleanor, " why Hector, you surely know better 
 than that." 
 
 " Well the books says so, that there are two numb- 
 
Guy Aver all. 297 
 
 ers, masculine and feminine, and if the book is wrong 
 I don't know what to say." 
 
 " Hector ! Hector !" replied Miss Davis. " I 
 almost despair of you. There are two numbers, 
 singular and plural, now try and recollect that." 
 
 " Very well, two numbers, singular and plural, 
 go on," said Hector, who evidently cared less for his 
 lesson than for something to eat. 
 
 " How many genders have we in French V 
 
 "Three, masculine, feminine, and neuter. That 
 is all I can think of, though there may be more." 
 
 This was rather too much for Miss Eleanor. She 
 had been using her utmost endeavors to drum a little 
 French into a greedy, stupid, boy, for a period of six 
 months, and behold the result ! Finally she told 
 him to take his slate, and set down a sum in addition, 
 according to her dictation. 
 
 " Twenty-eight." 
 
 " Very well, twenty-eight," said Hector. 
 
 "Three hundred and twenty-four," said Miss 
 Davis. 
 
 "Three hundred and twenty-four," repeated 
 Hector, setting down the sum at the same time. 
 
 ** Sixty-two," said the one, 
 
 *' Sixty-two," repeated the other. 
 
 " Five hundred and ninety-eight," enunciated 
 Miss Davis. 
 
 "Five hundred and ninety-eight," rejoined the 
 other. 
 
 " Very well, now see how much the sum total is," 
 said Miss Eleanor. 
 
 Hector rubbed and worked, and added for a 
 while, and finally announced the result as sixty-seven 
 
29S Guy Ave rail. 
 
 thousand one hundred and ninety-eight, as clearly 
 appears by the following count : 
 
 28 
 324 
 62 
 
 598 
 
 67198 
 
 Sixty-seven thousand one hundred and ninety- 
 eight, sixty-seven thousand one hundred and ninety- 
 eight " exclaimed Miss Davis in absolute despair; 
 while Guy Averall, in spite of his best efforts to 
 appear unconcerned, w as forced to laugh outright at 
 this elaborate specimen of stupidity. The Brigadier 
 for the last four or five months has been commending 
 Hector's powers of calculation, on every possible 
 occasion, and now behold the evidence of this im- 
 portant fact. For ourselves, as historians of this 
 simple but well authenticated narrative, we have 
 nothing more to say than to recommend Hector 
 Daisy's method of addition to all imaginative mothers, 
 in the Army, who contemjjlate sending their sons to 
 this or that scientific institution, 
 
 VI. 
 
 And yet Miss Davis had opportunities enough to 
 exercise her patience with other personages beside 
 Hector. During the week following the chapcau bras 
 a call as a matter of duty, was obligatory on those 
 who had participated in the festivities at Governor's 
 Island ; so Miss Eleanor had another opportunity of 
 seeing the guests who assembled on that eventful oc- 
 casion. There was Captain Le Froy, of the Twenty- 
 sixth, an excellent soldier in every respect, who 
 
Guy Ave rail 299 
 
 strange to say, passed through the war of the Rebel- 
 lion without attracting any marked attention m spite 
 of the fact, that he was almost constantly in the field. 
 There was Colonel Guliston, per contra, of the En- 
 gineers, a big, broad, fat, red-faced old man; o 
 coarse, ungainly manners, who was always talking of 
 the way that a certain Major Switzer of his corps, 
 contrived to rob him of the reputation he had ac- 
 quired at the seige of Vera Cruz, by toadying, m the 
 most infamous manner, to the whims and caprices of 
 a well-known General officer. There was Doctor 
 Lambert, of the Medical Staff, a small, dark visaged 
 wiry little fello^v, who enjoyed the reputation of being 
 a great manufacturer of puns-a man who would 
 twist the most commonplace expression into any 
 conceivable shape, in order to have an opportunity 
 to give vent to some jingling resemblance of sounds, 
 in words and ideas which have no possible resem- 
 blance to each other. There was Captain Backus, a 
 rather undemonstrative individual, in ordinary mat- 
 ters although considered learned in the law. Captain 
 Backus was a firm supporter of a Judge Advocate s 
 Department in the Army; and certes he lived long 
 enough to see it established too ; although considered 
 rather too old, when this event took place, to receive 
 any of the appointments which that branch of the 
 Service then offered. There was Forkes, the Pay- 
 master, a fat, happy-looking personage, who took the 
 world easy. Major Forkes got his place on account 
 of the way he had voted during an election for 
 Senator in the legislature of Pennsylvania ; and held 
 on to it ever since, in the way that a sensible, witty 
 fellow might naturally be expected to do. Ihere 
 
300 Guy Ave rail. 
 
 was Colonel Cotters of the Subsistence Department ; 
 a regularly trained soldier at West Point, whose strong 
 point, when discussing military matters was the vast 
 and illimitable distance that lay between an officer of 
 the Staff and an officer of the line, and how much 
 more polite, affable and intellectual the former class 
 of gentlemen were, than the latter. There was 
 Square of the Twenty-sixth Artillery, with Avhose 
 merits the reader is already sufficiently acquainted- 
 There was Triangle of the Topographical Engineers, 
 who made himself somewhat obnoxious to the good 
 Mrs. Daisy, the night of the chapeau bras, by asking 
 for her niece, on that momentous occasion. Now 
 regarding the characteristics of Captain Triangle, a 
 few words will suffice. He was really, a good sub- 
 stantial, hard-working fellow, with a very tolerable 
 head and heart, a man in short, to whom a sedulous 
 matron might well entrust the keeping of a ward, be 
 the latter niece or daughter. The habits of Triangle 
 were regular, he had saved a considerable portion of 
 his pay, his temperament was such that there was no 
 very great likelihood of his ever indulging in whim- 
 sical follies, and although he could hardly be called 
 brilliant, yet he certainly had sound sense sufficient 
 to acquit himself with decent credit, in any matter of 
 duty that was ever likely to come under his cogniz- 
 ance. In short, Triangle had a great many points in 
 his favor; while the objections that could be urged 
 against him, as a marrying man, were not of very 
 great moment. But this only caused Mrs. Daisy to 
 be more careful in the way she received him, and 
 after his name was announced. Miss Eleanor, as if 
 by accident, was directed to superintend some house- 
 
Guy Aver all. 301 
 
 hold work, which "that dear Irish servant girl," 
 according to Mrs. Daisy, was then perpetrating in 
 the kitchen. So away went Miss Eleanor to her task, 
 and in the mean time the lady of the house did her 
 very best to entertain her visitor ; and after he was 
 gone she even saw fit to congratulate herself, that 
 she had contrived to circumvent both the officer and 
 her niece without exciting the suspicion of either 
 the one or the other. As to the officer, she certainly 
 did out-manoeuvre him ; for Captain Triangle was 
 too honest and upright a man to believe that any 
 person, worthy the name of a woman, would throw 
 obstacles in the way of the settlement of a relative, 
 merely because the one had heretofore secured in the 
 person of the other a useful drudge around her 
 household. But Miss Eleanor understood her aunt 
 pretty thoroughly, and after she had discharged her 
 school-teaching and culinary duties that day, with 
 evert more than her customary care, and had retired 
 in the evening to her own little room, the girl being 
 in a soliloquizing mood, saw proper to give scope to 
 her reflections in the following way, 
 
 " Well, well," .said she, " it will not be the fault 
 of Mrs. Daisy, if anything happens to disturb the 
 serenity of this household, at least, as far as I am 
 personally concerned. I don't know but I should 
 feel complimented in having so much store set on 
 my services. I suppose, if I were careless or untidy 
 or ill-tempered, or were even blessed with a head- 
 ache all the time, my aunt would be glad to get rid 
 of me. But because I have none of these things, 
 my connection with her is indissoluble. She need 
 not have been at the trouble, though, of sending me 
 
302 Guy Ave rail. 
 
 down so abruptly to the kitchen, when Captain Tri- 
 angle made his appearance, for I have heard so many- 
 sneers and innuendos, of late, on this subject of 
 husband hunting, that I declare I would hardly move 
 two inches out of my way to catch the best man in 
 the universe. My aunt imagines, forsooth, I am 
 somewhat afraid of descending into the category of 
 old maids! She never committed a greater error in 
 her life. Old maids! Why should this thing of get- 
 ting married, I ask, be made the be-all and end-all 
 of our feminine existence ? For my part I could 
 never see that there was any reason or justice in the 
 sentiment. Some of the best women I have ever 
 known were old maids — women who have been an 
 honor to their sex, and whose shoe latchets, I feel I 
 am unworthy to loosen. In short, as far as being a 
 nun is concerned, I neither court the condition, nor 
 on the other hand do I fly away from it. One thing 
 is very certain, if it is the wish of heaven for me to 
 remain as I am, I shall never indulge in repining or 
 ill natured thoughts on that account. Let me rather 
 strive to grow. old well, and with good words and 
 charitable thoughts, endeavor to diffuse a spirit of 
 contentment and forbearance among those that sur- 
 round me. For the present, therefore, let a faithful 
 discharge of my every day duties be my first object, 
 and a firm trust in a protecting providence my chief 
 consolation, under any little annoyance to which I 
 may be subjected." 
 
 VII. 
 
 During the progress of the foregoing events, the 
 bard, Mr. Hogan, saw fit to entertain the enlisted 
 
Guy Averall. 303 
 
 men of Company "E," of the Twenty-sixth Artillery, 
 with a very pleasant little expedition on his part. 
 At one end of Rotten Row, as already hinted, was a 
 trader's establishment, kept by a man called Cole- 
 gate, which place was famous for the exorbitant 
 charges levied on the rank and file, belonging to the 
 post. Every thing in it seemed to be sold at a rate 
 fully one hundred per cent, over New York prices. 
 Cheese, for instance, ten cents a pound in town, 
 twenty with Colegate; butter fifteen cents in one 
 place, thirty in the other; crackers five cents in New 
 York, were charged at double that sum on the Island. 
 In addition to all this, Mr. Colegate had the privilege 
 of issuing credit tickets to the enlisted men for one- 
 half of their pay, and afterwards collecting the 
 amount charged from the paymaster, a system of un- 
 doubted benefit to himself, but at the same time of 
 very questionable advantage to the soldier. Dis- 
 putes frequently arose in the settlement of these ac- 
 counts, and as the charges of Colegate were well 
 known to be extortionate, it is easy to conceive that 
 the sutler was anything rather than a prime favorite 
 with one part of the military establishment at Fort 
 Columbus. *' If I could browbeat that old rascal 
 out of a few dollars at pay day, I should consider it 
 no sin, in any sense of the term," said a member of 
 the Company on one occasion, 
 
 "That man has no feeling, in any one way," said 
 another. " He charged me two dollars and a quar- 
 ter for that bottle of cogniac," here the complainant 
 held up a bottle, which at one time contained the 
 liquor — " and I know if the same article were sold to 
 an officer, the price would be only one-half." 
 20 
 
304 Guy Aver all. 
 
 " Let me look at that bottle," said Hogan with a 
 smile. " It is empty I see — all gone. Allow me to say 
 you have no feeling, yourself, to drink it up in that 
 way, without dividing it properly with your comrades. '' 
 
 *' I did divide it, though — I divided the brandy 
 as far as it went; but, confound it, when every one 
 in a squad room has a swig out of such a bottle as 
 that, the thing will not last a great many minutes." 
 
 " I forgive you," responded Hogan. " I take 
 back, every word that I said, and in proof of my 
 sincerity I promise to procure you a bottle of the 
 same article, from Mr. Colegate, for the small sum of 
 seventy-five cents, provided you will share the con- 
 tents with the four persons who are in this room at 
 present."" 
 
 " I accept your proposal, the money will be forth- 
 coming, in due time," was the reply. 
 
 " Hand me the empty bottle," said Hogan. The 
 bottle was immediately produced. 
 
 " AVhere is the cork and the tinfoil that was over 
 
 it r 
 
 "Here they are, if you want them," was there- 
 joinder. 
 
 '* Very well, that will do." 
 
 And immediately Mr. Hogan went over to the 
 bucket that was standing in one corner of the squad 
 room, took a quantity of water out of it, filled the 
 empty bottle, put in a small portion of brown sugar, 
 which he procured in the cook house, gave the mix- 
 ture a shake, corked it securely, put on the tinfoil so 
 as to make it look as if the bottle had never been 
 opened, and then pronounced the contents to be 
 brandy of first rate quality ! 
 
Guy Averall. 305 
 
 " Let me sec if I cannot persuade friend Colegate 
 as to the genuineness of the article," said the bard. 
 And forthwith the so-called brandy was whisked 
 under the skirt of his great coat, and the clerk sallied 
 out in the direction of the trading establishment. 
 
 Before long Private Hogan was face to face with 
 that august personage whom Mrs. Daisy had desig- 
 nated the " Sutler's Secretary. " After a few winks 
 given in his own facetious style, the " Secretary" was 
 induced to come into a little back room, that opened 
 from the trading establishment, and there and then 
 Private Hogan opened his case. 
 
 " I want you to sell me a bottle of your best 
 cogniac," said the bard. 
 
 '' Dare not do it — in fact there is no brandy in 
 the place," was the reply. 
 
 " Oh nonsense, hold your tongue, I know a great 
 deal better. There is Private So-and-So, who got a 
 bottle from you this very morning, for two dollars 
 and a quarter." 
 
 " Two dollars and a quarter, did you say — well 
 perhaps he did. At any rate I must speak to Mr. 
 Colegate himself, for he has forbidden me strictly to 
 sell any liquor to enlisted men, unless with his per- 
 mission." 
 
 " Well I v,-;!! wait here till you see him on the 
 subject. I am very dry, have been sitting up all 
 night finishing a set of muster rolls, and would give 
 almost any amount of money for a drop." 
 
 The secretary now disappeared, and in a few 
 seconds returned with the intelligence that he had 
 spoken to his chief, who had only one bottle of liquor 
 left but for it he must ask the sum of three dollars 
 and a half." 
 
3o6' Guy Aver all. ^ 
 
 '* Pretty big price," ejaculated Hogan ; still, as 
 I have come after the beverage, a dollar here or there 
 won't frighten me. Hand me the bottle." 
 
 The brandy was now presented to the bard, who 
 on receiving it, thrust the bottle under the skirt of 
 his coat and immediately walked off, 
 
 " Hold on, hold on," said the secretary, '' you 
 forgot to pay for that. Three dollars and a half, 
 my dear sir, if you please." 
 
 " Don't you credit ? " asked Hogan with a look 
 of infinite disgust. 
 
 '* Credit — no — brandy is a contraband article, as 
 you well know, in this place ; and it would never do 
 to put such an item as that in an account rendered 
 at a pay table." 
 
 '* Well if you don't credit, I don't want the bran- 
 dy," rejoined the bard. And in an instant the bottle 
 or one very like it, was handed back to the sutler's 
 deputy. The latter took the article in happy uncon- 
 sciousness as to the real merits of his present pos- 
 session, which was simply the water and the brown 
 sugar already concocted by Hogan in the squad 
 room, while that worthy personage marched back to 
 the garrison with the genuine article under his coat 
 tail, very much elated, no doubt, at the success of his 
 scheme. He indignantly spurned the offer of the 
 seventy- five cents, which was made him by his 
 brother private, but spoke of pilfering a sutler, as if 
 it was no great enormity, considering the charges 
 which the latter constantly imposed on members of 
 the rank and file. 
 
 We have it on record that before the bard De- 
 modicus commenced his song, they gave him wine ; 
 
G7iy AveralL 307 
 
 and under the influence of such stimulant as he 
 obtained that evening, Private Hogan recited a 
 combination of Tom Moore and himself, which as 
 an illustration of his peculiar genius may as well be 
 inserted in this place. 
 
 Lesbia hath a beaming eye, 
 
 But no one knows for whom it beameth, 
 Right and left its arrows fly, 
 
 But what they aim at no one dreameth. 
 Sweeter 'tis to gaze upon 
 
 My Norah's lid that seldom rises, 
 Few her looks, but every one 
 
 With unexpected light surprises. 
 Oh my Norah Creina dear ! 
 
 My gentle bashful Norah Creina ! 
 Beauty lies in many eyes, 
 
 But love in thine my Norah Creina ! 
 
 Lesbia's daughter I knew well, 
 
 She was endowed with many graces, 
 And yet with spirit oft would tell 
 
 How womankind should keep their places. 
 " Where is the use of slinging darts 
 
 From eyes, since now they're ineffectual. 
 Here we can't pierce lover's hearts 
 
 Unless we don— the intellectual," 
 Oh my Norah Creina dear ! 
 
 My gentle bashful Norah Creina ! 
 You are fine, but more divine, 
 
 I deem your daughter Norah Creina ! 
 
 3. 
 Lesbia wore a robe of gold, 
 
 But all so tight the nymph had laced it, 
 Not a charm of beauty's mould. 
 
 Presumed to stay where nature placed it. 
 
3o8 Guy Ave rail. 
 
 Oh my Norah's gown for me 
 
 That floats as wild as mountain breezes, 
 Leaving every beauty free 
 
 To sink or swell as heaven pleases ! 
 Yes my Norah Creina dear ! 
 
 My simple graceful Norah Creina ! 
 Nature's dress is loveliness, 
 
 The dress you wear my Norah Creina ! 
 
 4- 
 Lesbia's daughter had a dress 
 
 But what it was I cannot state it, 
 Still I know her lovehness 
 
 Was such that you could seldom mate it. 
 Still her elders air she blamed, 
 I As o'er the wash tub she kept rubbing, 
 
 When a nymph at nonsense aimed 
 
 That nymph she thought deserved a drubbing. 
 Oh my Norah Creina dear ! 
 
 My gentle bashful Norah Creina ! 
 For solid sense, without pretence, 
 
 I laud your daughter, Norah Creina ! 
 
 5. 
 Lesbia hath a wit refined. 
 
 But when its points are glancing round us, 
 Who can tell if they're designed 
 
 To dazzle merely, or to wound us. 
 Pillowed on my Norah's breast, 
 
 In safer slumber love reposes, 
 Bed of peace, whose roughest part, 
 
 Is but the crumpling of the roses. 
 Oh my Norah Creina dear ! 
 
 My mild, my artless Norah Creina ! 
 Wit though bright, has not the light 
 
 That virarms your eyes my Norah Creina ! 
 
 6. 
 Lesbia's daughter always said. 
 
 That none but flirts in wit kept dealing. 
 
Guy Aver all. 309 
 
 Hands for honest work were made 
 
 And hearts should not be got by stealing. 
 Still, if Lesbia were no prude 
 
 Against her fame no word I'd utter, 
 Wit and love to some are food, 
 
 While others ask plain bread and butter, 
 Oh my Nora Creina dear ! 
 
 My gentle, simple Norah Creina ! 
 While I bless your loveliness, 
 
 I'd wed your daughter Norah Creina ! 
 
 But halt Mr. Hogan with thy nonsensical witti- 
 cisms ! Dost thou not know that at this very date, 
 a fitting model for that Lesbia whom thou endeavor- 
 est to turn into ridicule, assumes the most important 
 step that it is possible for a woman to take. Yes, 
 Miss Kitty Traynor, the belle of Rotten Row, the 
 little flirt whom Mrs. Daisy endeavored to patronize, 
 and who would not be patronized by her, the admired 
 of many admirers, assumes the yoke of matrimony ! 
 And the person to whom she is married is not the 
 gay and festive Lawless, the dashing white Sergeantt 
 who is acknowledged by every one to be tlie hand- 
 somest man on the Island. On the contrary, thai 
 very plain, unpretending matter of fact and entirely 
 unsophisticated member of Company " E," Corporal 
 Jeremiah Sullivan is the fortunate individual ! 
 
PRACTICAL ETHICS. 
 
 I. 
 
 The career of Mrs. Daisy on Governor's Island 
 had hitherto been one of unalloyed pleasure, it now 
 becomes our duty, as historian of this narrative, to 
 record a melancholy event. Those bright anticipa- 
 tions of a visit to Europe, in which that lady had 
 indulged for some time past, were doomed to a sud- 
 den collapse. In the first place it was ascertained 
 that the War Department, at Washington, was some- 
 what unwilling to give leaves of absence to officers 
 at that particular juncture. But even worse than 
 this, was the fact that Major Daisy, after a critical 
 examination of the situation of affairs, expressed an 
 entire unwillingness to enter into that " financial 
 , arrangement," which his beloved wife had proposed 
 with reference to" the journey, involving as it did the 
 pledge of his pay accounts for several months in ad- 
 vance, and also the disbursement, of the small sum 
 of money then in his possession, and which he had 
 saved from his salary as an officer of the Army. In 
 short. Major Daisy said that to Europe, under present 
 circumstances, he would net go; and as the gallnnt 
 Major was now and then sufficiently obstinate to ad- 
 here to his resolution, when once taken, his wife 
 quickly saw that there was no likelihood of moving 
 him. So all that was left to the Brigadier was to 
 accept the situation with amiable resignation. "As 
 310 
 
Guy Aver all. S^i 
 
 to that dear foreign tour," said she, on one occasion, 
 to a particular friend, "on which my heart was set, I 
 am willing, perfectly willing to give it up, since my 
 husband, the best and dearest man that ever existed, 
 thinks it injudicious for us to undertake it, under 
 present circumstances. Of course it would be charm- 
 ing to visit that beautiful city of Paris, which all 
 Americans admire so much, but what is Paris to that 
 love which a true and faithful wife owes to her hus- 
 band! It is absolutely as nothing I assure you." 
 And then, to show that she appreciated worth, and 
 that devotion to duty was sure to be remembered, 
 the good Mrs. Daisy was pleased to tell Guy Averall 
 that since he had been such a faithful, diligent 
 orderly, he could always get a pass to visit New 
 York, whenever he Hked; while Miss Davis was 
 made happy by receiving a photograph of her aunt, 
 in that pale pink dress, which she wore on the night 
 of the chapeau bras; along with a copy of a volume 
 which the elder lady had been examining of late, 
 and which in her opinion contained a great deal of 
 very useful and agreeable information, to wit, the 
 justly celebrated and erudite Lempriere Classical 
 Dictionary. 
 
 One morning, shortly after this time, a boat was 
 seen approaching the wharf at Governor's Island, 
 and on its landing, no less a personage than Guy's 
 old protector, Lieutenant Square, came on shore. 
 The advent of the officer, at that very early hour, 
 for it was not yet guardmount, occasioned consider- 
 able comment among the enlisted men, then stationed 
 on the Island. " I wonder what is up, that Square 
 is stirring so early ? Perhaps General Scott has sent 
 
312 Guy Aver all. 
 
 him over to make an inspection of the command, 
 and report its general condition." These surmises, 
 however, were set at rest toward evening; for it then 
 became known that the Twenty-sixth Artillery had 
 to pack up their effects and proceed at once to the 
 South, their imniediate destination being the post of 
 Charleston, This change of quarters was occa- 
 sioned, in a great measure, by the belligerent attitude 
 which several of the states chose to assume, just 
 then, on the question of slavery. Long before the 
 great rebellion, as it is called, broke out, there were 
 occasional indications of the tempest that was brew- 
 ing; and at this particular time, the Legislature of 
 South Carolina saw fit to adopt some highly censur- 
 able resolutions in regard to the fugitive slave law; 
 declaring, among other things, that if their property 
 in negroes was not amply protected; it was the duty 
 and the privilege of that portion of the country to 
 secede immediately from the Union, The admission 
 of California, as a state, was also a bone of con- 
 tention at this time; one party claiming the right 
 that slavery should be recognized in its constitution; 
 and another denying the privilege. The growing 
 dissatisfaction which was thus manifested, received 
 a fitting notice from the then President, Mr. Fill- 
 more, in his annual message to Congress. *' Cases 
 have arisen," said he, " in which individuals have 
 denied the binding authority of Acts of Congress, 
 and even states have proposed* to nullify said acts, 
 upon the ground that the Constitution was the su- 
 preme law of the land, and that these acts of Con- 
 gress were repugnant to the instrument; but nullifi- 
 cation was now aimed, not so much against particular 
 
Guy Aver all. 313 
 
 laws, as being inconsistent with the Constitution, as 
 against the Constitution itself; and it is not to be 
 disguised that a spirit exists, and has been actively 
 at work, to rend asunder this Union, which is our 
 cherished inheritance from our forefathers." 
 
 All this was uttered in the year 185 1, It was ten 
 years from that time ere these threateaings assumed 
 a definite shape, and the first gun in the conflict was 
 fired. Meanwhile, on receipt of orders to move, the 
 usual scene of bustle and confusion was presented 
 on Governor's Island. Furniture was sold, trunks 
 were packed, and adieus were made, all of which 
 being completed, the Twenty -sixth Artillery took 
 their departure for the Sunny South, once more. As 
 General Scott desired a special report on the condi- 
 tion of the country, he ordered his aide. Lieutenant 
 Square, to accompany the command, so as to obtain 
 the best possible information that could be furnished 
 by an intelligent observer regarding the condition of 
 the country in that particular State to which the 
 troops were sent. For some time Lieutenant Square 
 was regarded as on the staff of the General in Chief; 
 but finally he was assigned to duty as Adjutant to 
 that command which was under command of our old 
 and venerated friend, Major Daisy. 
 
 IL 
 
 The transport which conveyed the Twenty-sixth 
 Artillery to Charleston was an exceedingly rickety 
 one, the space between decks, allotted to the enlisted 
 men, was both dirty and confined, and the conven- 
 iencies for cooking were anything but satisfactory. 
 All, however, put up with the annoyances, incident 
 
314 G^O' Ave 7- all. 
 
 to such a situation, in a truly adtnirable manner; 
 and even the pretty Mrs. Sullivan, then a passenger, 
 did not seem to complain any more than the others. 
 As a means of amusement, the old custom of story- 
 telling was observed on board in due form; and 
 among others the Steward Peterson, on one occasion, 
 saw fit to favor the Company, then assembled on the 
 forecastle, with his narrative, which as well as can 
 be recollected ran in the following style : 
 
 You must know, gentlemen, said he, that I 
 have had my little adventures as well as others; on 
 one occasion, indeed, my zeal for scientific knowledge 
 'got me into a rather serious difficulty. You have 
 doubtless noticed a particular skull which I usually 
 carry in that box. Now thereby hangs a tale, and 
 for reasons which will presently appear, I can hardly 
 pay a visit to Burlington, in the State of Vermont, at 
 least for the present. Not but I like Burlington, 
 which is in itself a very pleasant place, with a College 
 set on its highest hill, and a broad expanse of lake 
 at its foot, and majestic mountains around it on every 
 side, while the inhabitants thereof are as pleasant a 
 set of people as you will find anywhere in New Eng- 
 land. And yet, as I remarked before, I can hardly 
 hope to return to that place in the course of my 
 natural life, for while there I was so unfortunate as 
 to incur the ill will of a certain Frenchman, called 
 Antoine, who has taken a high oath, before all the 
 saints in Heaven, to embrace the very first oppor- 
 tunity that is offered, to arm himself with a loaded 
 pistol and then and there to shoot me. 
 
 The reason of this state of affairs may be told in 
 a few words. As already hinted, it was partly owing 
 
Guy Ave rail. 315 
 
 to the desire I had to secure this particular skull, 
 and partly owing to that inherent propensity to 
 blunder, which in spite of my best efforts to the con- 
 trary, occasionally breaks out as part of my nature. 
 
 It is something more than two years since I first 
 made my entrance into Burlington, and then engaged 
 as a journeyman printer in the office of the daily 
 newspaper published in that place. As companion 
 in my labors I had a little fellow from Connecticut, 
 by the name of Caffee. Now Caffee, if you please, 
 was a very lively little cricket in his way; and among 
 his vagaries he was somewhat desirous of being a 
 Doctor. So one evening he came to me with a propo- 
 sition that we would both start to a graveyard, steal 
 a body from its last resting place, and then make a 
 fair divide of our plunder; that is to say, that he 
 should take the trunk of the cadaver as his proper 
 proportion, and I should have the head. 
 
 At first I felt horrified at the proposal. To steal 
 a body out of the grave, after it had been confided 
 to its last resting place by sorrowing friends, was to 
 my mind an act that was simply sacrilegious. I 
 presented my views on the subject to Caffee, with 
 proper force, but it was all in vain — the man only 
 laughed at my scruples. 
 
 '' My dear fellow," said he, "what is this poor 
 carcass, once life is gone ? Nothing, I assure you, 
 but a heap of air and ashes. The only possible 
 use of the human body, after life is extinct, is to 
 forward the cause of science. Why the doctors, 
 up at the Medical College, on the top of the hill, get 
 their subjects from New York, at the rate of five 
 dollars apiece ; and shall we, who are every whit as 
 
3i6 Guy Aver all. 
 
 desirous of knowledge as they, shall we, I say, be 
 debarred the same privilege ? As to this reluctance 
 to avail ourselves of such means of information as 
 are within our grasp, it is nothing but mere senti- 
 mentalism. To my knowledge, a certain little carter 
 in Frenchtown has died within the past few days, 
 and is now buried near the church of St. Joseph, on 
 Geoch Street. Let us go up to the cemetery this 
 very night, and steal the body for dissection. In 
 case we are successful in exhuming the remains, I 
 will surrender to you the man's head, as a proper 
 reward for your trouble." 
 
 " Let me take an hour or two for reflection,'' 
 said L " The head, I'll acknowledge, is a tempta- 
 tion ; but to steal a body out of the grave for its 
 sake, is an act of which I never have been guilty." 
 
 Without compromising myself any further, I now 
 went down to my boarding-house, and on making 
 inquiry there, I discovered that the Frenchman, then 
 defunct, whose name, by the way, was Cabana, was 
 a real curiosity when alive, in regard to his capacity 
 for eating. Eat did I say ! He hardly seemed 
 capable of any thing else. Sitting on his little 
 vehicle, near the Market house, waiting for an occa- 
 sional job, surrounded by a crowd of eager, gossiping 
 Canadians, he rarely allowed his jaws to rest for a 
 minute. That trait in the character of Cabana, de- 
 termined my action. I resolved, on the instant, to 
 get possession of the head, if it were only to examine 
 his bump of alimentativeness. I accordingly com- 
 municated my design to my associate. 
 
 About two o'clock the next morning we set out 
 on our expedition, each one bemg equipped with a 
 
Guy Averall. 317 
 
 shovel. It snowed quite heavily at the time, although 
 it was only the beginning of November; but then in 
 Burlington, it must be recollected, there are only six 
 months of winter. The storm which was falling did 
 not in the least interrupt our labors ; we worked 
 away like a couple of railway hands, exhumed the 
 remains of poor Cabana, hoisted them over our 
 shoulders, and in this style we proceeded to a little 
 out-house, back of the Free Press office, and there 
 deposited our treasure. No sooner was the corpse 
 laid on the ground than Caffee, with a big carving 
 knife, cut the head off the unfortunate man, and de- 
 livered it immediately to me. I put it in a carpet- 
 bag, and carried it to my boarding-house. But what 
 became of the trunk, which remained, I never could 
 discover. 
 
 That portion, however, which was delivered to 
 me was in itself a treasure ; for if I ever had any 
 doubt, as to the truth of phrenology before, that 
 doubt was removed by an examination of this crani- 
 um. As soon as I had pickled it and got rid of the 
 superfluous flesh, I instantly began to look out for 
 that organ which Spurzheim and Gall have indicated 
 as the proper concomitant of a generous appetite ; 
 and let me assure, in all honor, gentlemen, my search 
 did not end in disappointment. Caution was full, 
 philoprogenitiveness was large, inhabitiveness was 
 moderate, adhesiveness was fully developed, but 
 when you come to alimentativeness you had the bump 
 in the shape of a mountain ! And if any one should 
 doubt the accuracy of what I say, I will produce 
 that same individual skull, which I have ever since 
 carried around with me, and then let him dispute, if 
 he will, the virtues of cranological science. 
 
3i8 Guy Ave rail. 
 
 But meanwhile, without being conscious of it, a 
 difficulty arose. The dead Cabana had a brother 
 called Antoine, who owned a lot of ground in the 
 cemetery where the defunct carter had been deposit- 
 ed, and on going up to look at it one day, he acci- 
 dently stumbled against something in the snow, which 
 Ion examination, proved to be nothing either more 
 lor less than the head dress of his brother Lewis, that 
 by some extraordinary mistake had been dropped by 
 Caffee and me, when on our way homeward as res- 
 urrectionists. Soon the news spread far and wide 
 over Burlington, that a certain vestment belonging to 
 the defunct Frenchman had been discovered. Some 
 said one thing, and some said another by way of 
 explanation, and finally Antoine, a strictly religious 
 man, thought it better to make the case known to his 
 priest. He found the good cure walking backward 
 and forward, in his hallway, reading his breviary, 
 and taking off his hat in the most reverential manner 
 possible, Antoine opened his case. The father 
 heard him patiently, and after all was over, he quietly 
 replied : " Soyez tranquille, soyez tranquille mon fils, 
 voire frere est parmiles saints — he is in paradise, and 
 that head dress was left as a token that all is well — 
 restez content, restez content, la chose est un vrai 
 miracle," And then he recited some instances of 
 extraordinary signs which had happened in recent 
 times, and which certainly went to show that the age 
 of special manifestations was not yet past. As soon 
 as I understood that the good father had pronounced 
 the finding of the head cloth an indication of the will 
 of heaven, I was delivered from a sore tribulation ; for 
 I knew but too well that if my share in the mailer 
 
Guy Averall. 319 
 
 were discovered, I certainly would be subjected to 
 some serious consequences. So I again resumed my 
 work in the printing office, and was only too glad to 
 have escaped the danger with so little apparent dif- 
 ficulty. 
 
 But I had not as yet escaped, as I found to my 
 cost. The pertinacious Antoine kept running back- 
 wards and forwards among the inhabitants of French- 
 town, exhibiting the head dress wherever he went, as 
 proof positive that his brother was now in glory, and 
 lauding the extraordinary gift which had been 
 vouchsafed on the occasion. But eventually he en- 
 countered another Frenchman, called Chauvin, who 
 having travelled a good deal of late, as a tin peddler 
 in northern Vermont, had, as a consequence, lost 
 something of his faith in extraordinary events. *' Le 
 diable ! betise ! " exclaimed he " that article was 
 never sent to you in that way. I'll tell you the mir- 
 acle that has happened. Some person, not a loup 
 garou either, has violated your brother's g'-ave and 
 has dropped that head dress when going away from 
 it. Go, get a spade, and examine the grave at once, 
 and I'll venture to say you'll discover nothing in the 
 place but an empty coffin." As soon as I heard of 
 that speech, I began to bundle up my effects, for I 
 did not know what might be the next step in the ad- 
 venture. 
 
 . Before night set in, down came Antoine, with a 
 pistol in his hand, swearing Hke a trooper. He had 
 been to the grave, had discovered that the body of 
 his brother was gone, and what was still worse, he 
 
 suspected that d d phrenologist, as he called me, 
 
 of making off with the plunder. I met the fellow in 
 21 
 
320 Guy Averall. 
 
 the street and asked him why in the world he should 
 leave the charge on me ? " 
 
 " You ! ventre bleu ! " was the response. " be- 
 cause you are always going round with your box of 
 old skulls, exhibiting them as such strange objects, 
 and offering to feel the head of any person you meet 
 for the sum of twenty-five cents. Who else but you 
 could have robbed the grave, and if I were only sure 
 of the thing" — here the rascal flourished a pistol in 
 my face — "I'd blow out your confounded brains, 
 before you are many minutes older." 
 
 I endeavored to pacify the mad Frenchman, as 
 best I could, but he still kept twirling his pistol 
 round and round, and on one occasion I really 
 thought he was going to shoot me. On returning to my 
 lodging that evening, I opened the case to Caffee, 
 and told him candidly that he really had been the 
 means of leading me into a very embarassing situation. 
 
 "I'll acknowledge it," said he, " there is how- 
 ever one consolation in the matter, we typo's are by 
 nature a wandering race, and one town is about as 
 much a home to us as another. As the thing now 
 rests, I am fortunately not suspected, so in order to 
 make the best amends possible, I will make a tender 
 of my purse, so as to afford you a fitting equipment 
 for your travels. Here it is, you will find twenty- 
 five dollars in it — that sum, I am sure, will serve to 
 keep you going till you get employment somewhere 
 else. And in case you ever attempt to rob a grave 
 again, let me give you a word of advice. In the first 
 place, be careful about leaving any tracks in the 
 snow ; and secondly don't be too anxious to estab- 
 lish your reputation as a scientific expert." 
 
Guy Aver all. 321 
 
 I took the purse from the fellow in the spirit in 
 which it was offered, started from Burlington that 
 very night, stopped in Troy, where I worked a few 
 days, and at the end of a weeks time, I found myself 
 in the city of Newark, and there I enlisted. 
 
 III. 
 
 The indulgent reader who has followed us so pa- 
 tiently in the course of. this narrative may possibly 
 object that Guy Averall, Avho is dubbed a hero, does 
 not exhibit any very adventurous spirit after all ; 
 and that he should initiate, as far as possible, the 
 example set by his countryman, Con Cregan, even 
 so far as to make love to Spanish beauties, go to Al- 
 giers and become a general, and finally sip tea in the 
 Tuileries in company with the Princess of Verneuil. 
 But Averall and Cregan it must be remembered are 
 two very different personages; for while the one rushes 
 into the most perilous undertakings, the other adheres 
 conscientiously to the most common-place facts. Still 
 Guy, we maintain, is a hero in spite of all that ; his 
 bravery being shown by the willingness with which 
 he accepts the situation in which he is placed, and 
 endeavors, so far as possible, to discharge his duties 
 in a creditable way. He does not grumble unneces- 
 sarily, he does not tell long stories about that vener- 
 able aunt of his who might accomplish all sorts of 
 things for him, his ragamuffin father is never men- 
 tioned, he knows he is a private soldier, in the 
 American Army, nothing more, and' as a private sol- 
 dier he is determined to perform his duty. His 
 spirit is further evinced by the care with which he 
 chooses his associates. Whatever is good around 
 
32 2 Guy Aver all. 
 
 him he accepts, the muck-rake, on the other hand, 
 he carefully avoids, his companions are the very best 
 his company contains, and by conversing with them 
 occasionally his understanding is improved, his ob- 
 servations of right and wrong become more accu- 
 rate, and he gradually becomes conscious of what 
 are his duties, his privileges, and his opportunities 
 as a man and a citizen. 
 
 During the voyage to Charleston, Guy Averall 
 held a conversation with his old friend Moldwell on 
 the subject of liberty, which conversation deserves a 
 short notice in this place, not only on account of its 
 connection with subsequent events, but also because 
 of the sentiments therein contained. At several 
 times, during his period of service, our friend had 
 heard that divinity lauded in the most exalted terms, 
 by certain members of his barrack room acquaintance; 
 he hardly knew, however, what value was to be 
 attached to these encomiums; for in the first place, 
 V he was occasionally inclined to distrust the judg- 
 ment of those who were loudest in liberty's praise; 
 and again, he now and then had occasion to notice, 
 that persons who are strong supporters of freedom 
 as a sentimental illusion, are often the very ones to 
 show themselves to be the most arbitrary and tyran- 
 nical, once they are invested with supreme power. 
 There were Ryan and Lawless, for instance, who 
 could hardly be considered patterns of correctness ; 
 and whose faults in certain directions, we have rather 
 hinted at, than attempted, with anything approach- 
 ing accuracy, to sketch. And yet these men were 
 always talking about " freedom and independence," 
 just as if these were the most exalted of virtues. 
 
Gjty Ave mil. 323 
 
 The question which now presented itself was simply 
 this, could men, like Lawless and Ryan, be intrusted 
 with supreme power in any condition of life, regard 
 being paid to the welfare of those by whom they are 
 surrounded ? 
 
 " My dear sir," said Moldwell in reply to the 
 inquiries of Guy, " the subject you have broached 
 is one that admits of a very lengthened discussion, 
 Liberty may be a good, or it may be a very bad 
 thing, just as it is entrusted to those who are capable 
 of using it, or are not so qualified. As to personal 
 liberty, there are certain obligations due to the state 
 which protects us; and after these are discharged, 
 enlightened opinion would say that every person has 
 a right to act as he pleases, provided that in so 
 doing, he inflicts no harm on any other member of 
 the community. As soon, however, as he does this, 
 his liberty must be restrained. We cannot allow 
 thieves and murderers to go at large; we are obliged 
 to confine and even to punish them, as a protection 
 to the rest of our associates. The first restriction 
 then on personal liberty is this, that injurious acts 
 cannot be permitted, and that those who commit 
 them, do so at their peril." 
 
 "What is your notion of political liberty, may I 
 ask ?" said Guy. 
 
 " Political liberty is a good thing, in itself, when 
 admissable," responded Moldwell, " although at the 
 same time, it is somewhat difficult to define its exact 
 limit. It is not of necessity the first thing that a 
 state need attain, indeed in some countries, such as 
 Hindoostan, its existence is clearly impossible, while 
 in other places, such as the United States, we have 
 
324 Guy Ave rail. 
 
 political liberty in an almost unlimited degree. But 
 of one thing we may be certain, these institutions, 
 on which political liberty depends, and without 
 which its existence is but temporary, are in them- 
 selves things of slow growth, and cannot be created 
 in a day. It is in this sense that Burke's observation 
 holds good, that constitutions grow and are not 
 made. Our own Constitution was not formed in the 
 year 1787, but had been growing for centuries. Its 
 foundation was laid in those laws which were brought 
 from the mother country, in the right of trial by 
 jury, in the equality of all classes before the law, 
 and in unwillingness to submit to taxation without 
 representation. The American Constitution, in 
 short, is but the embodiment of principles that have 
 existed from time immemorial among English speak- 
 ing people. So it is with the British Constitution, 
 which is not a written article at all, but a collection 
 of usages that have been in process of formation, 
 from the time that the first parliament was sum- 
 moned in the thirteenth century. On the other hand 
 we sometimes express surprise at the want of order 
 in the so-called South American Republic. The 
 true explanation of this condition of things is the 
 simple fact that the Spaniards never allowed free 
 institutions in their colonies ; and as yet such coun- 
 tries as Mexico and Ecuador have been unable to 
 create them." 
 
 " What do you think of the progress of liberty in 
 France," said Guy. *' They had a Republic there a 
 few years ago, and now, it appears, they have an 
 Empire." 
 
 " No country," was the reply, *' could furnish a 
 
Guy Aver all. 325 
 
 more appropriate illustration of the principles just 
 laid down. 'Tis true, the general tendency of the 
 present age is towards freedom; and yet, at the same 
 time, it must be remembered that in France, free 
 institutions, as we understand them, have had only 
 as yet a limited existence. As a natural consequence 
 they cannot be established at once in full, by the 
 mere fiat of a new government, even should that 
 government be a Republic. The well known writer, 
 De Tocqueville, has taken the trouble to explain that 
 France has always been a centralized government, 
 and has so continued under successive changes. He 
 shows that under the ancient regime, for instance, a 
 road could not be constructed, a bridge built, or a 
 clerk appointed in a petty office without sanction 
 from the central authority in Paris, and the result 
 has been that Paris has continued to rule the nation 
 ever since. The same remark applies to other 
 countries on the continent of Europe. Constitutions 
 and liberal forms of government were established in 
 several of them in the year 1848, but we all know 
 how many of these so called republics now exist. One 
 thing we should never forget, that truth and honor 
 and respect for the rights of others, are essential 
 requisites in those who would derive any benefit from 
 the operations of independence. To be free men 
 must be moral. In short I would say that the steps 
 from servitude to absolute equality with a governing 
 class, is a sheer impossibility, and those who look for 
 the sudden regeneration of States, by a mere change 
 in the form of government, are doomed eventually 
 to be most bitterly disappointed. 
 
326 Guy Averall.^ 
 
 IV. 
 
 That portion of the Twenty-sixth Artillery, of 
 which Guy Averall was a member, remained but a 
 short time in Charleston, for almost immediately 
 after its arrival, Companies "E" and "I" of the 
 Regiment were ordered to take post at a place know 
 as Camp Scott, some forty or fifty miles northeast of 
 Charleston, near the mouth of the Santee River. 
 Some four or five years previous, when a somewhat 
 similar trouble was brewing, the place had been se- 
 lected as a station for United States troops; and on 
 the arrival of the Twenty-sixth Artillery, at their new 
 halting place, it Avas discovered that the so called 
 '* camp," consisted of a series of low, one-story 
 houses, facing the river, and a town of some five or 
 six hundred inhabitants back of it. The country in 
 the neighborhood, like that found everywhere along 
 the Southern coast of the United States, Avas ex- 
 tremely sandy; with the eternal pitch pine as the 
 principal feature in the landscape. Guy Averall and 
 his comrades soon put their quarters in proper 
 order, and after the lapse of a week or thereabouts, 
 the good and amiable Mrs. Daisy was gratified by 
 receiving the customary calls from the three or four 
 heads of families who constituted the " real //i/^ " 
 of the place. Of course, Mrs. Daisy was delighted 
 to see them ; and after the usual preliminaries, in 
 the way of conversation, were disposed of, the gal- 
 lant Brigadier gave vent to those feelings which were 
 ever uppermost in her mind. " Had it not been for 
 circumstances, untoward . in themselves, but over 
 which she had no control, she intended residing 
 
Guy AveralL 327 
 
 abroad that very summer ; her husband, one of the 
 best and dearest men in existence; was to accom- 
 pany her, and in addition, an officer of the Regi- 
 ment, Lieutenant Square, and his excellent wife, 
 were to be of the party." And then in a half casual, 
 half braggadocio way it was mentioned that the said 
 Square "was one of the most worthy and accom- 
 plished subalterns in the service, while the lady he 
 was on the point of marrying was a woman with 
 every charm that could possibly be named, and as 
 good and beautiful, as she was polite and fasci- 
 nating." Of course, the three or four persons who 
 constituted the true and leading aristocracy of 
 Jonesville, were fully impressed with the importance 
 of everything that Mrs. Daisy said, and wondered 
 how a lady of such parts and prospects as she evi- 
 dently was, should at the same time be so extremely 
 gracious and condescending. 
 
 Meanwhile it must be noted that Miss Davis had 
 to attend, as usual, to most of the drudgery around 
 the house. She saw that the packing boxes belong- 
 ing to her uncle's equipment were opened, the car- 
 pets put down, and the few pictures belonging to 
 the household were properly hung, and when young 
 Hector made himself sick, by eating too much cake, 
 she had all the watching and waiting to do, which 
 that amiable youngster required. She would have 
 attended to all these tasks nevertheless in a cheerful 
 spirit, if her aunt had only been wilhng to render 
 her common justice; but in spite of her gifts and 
 fine phrases, Mrs. Daisy, as has already been hinted, 
 was not a particularly kind woman, and as a neces- 
 sary consequence Miss Eleanor had often to suffer. 
 
328 Guy Aver all. 
 
 Guy Averall was already pretty well acquainted with 
 the whims of the Brigadier, and was prepared to be- 
 lieve almost anything in regard to her ; but one day, 
 about this time, a little incident occured within the 
 sphere of our hero's own observation, and which 
 from the spirit of wilful misrepresentation which it 
 exhibited, almost caused that young Artilleryman to 
 hate Mrs. Daisy. During the forenoon. Miss Eleanor 
 had been busy arranging the furniture in the draw- 
 ing room, and having completed her task, she for a 
 moment stepped out on the piazza in front of the 
 quarters. Now on the piazza there happened to be 
 lying a piece of rope, which had been used in bund- 
 ling some of the household effects. " Averall," said 
 Miss Eleanor, in her quality of manager of the estab- 
 lishment, " I wish you to put that rope in the store 
 house, and here is a book that you may have, which 
 will probably interest you." Guy opened the vol- 
 ume, as soon as his task was completed, and dis- 
 covered it to be a copy of Sir Walter Scott's novel of 
 Rob Roy, a work which has afforded pleasure to 
 many persons both young and old. 
 
 " I think I shall read this book with a great deal 
 of interest," said Guy, *' I always have admired these 
 old Scotch stories, there is so much romance and 
 adventure about them." 
 
 " And I admire them too," responded Miss Davis, 
 *' and like Sir AV alter especially — his sentiment is 
 always the correct one on the subject of which he 
 writes, and that to me is one of his strongest recom- 
 mendations." 
 
 Guy assented, of course, to this observation, and 
 at the same time could not help reflecting once more, 
 
Guy Aver all 329 
 
 how much better the Brigadier would appear, if she 
 could only learn to talk in the sensible way adopted 
 by Miss Eleanor, instead of bragging eternally about 
 her Twenty-fifth Avenue, and other great relations 
 But just at this instant, Mr. Spruce was observed 
 coming up the sidewalk. ''Miss Davis," said he 
 'Sve are getting up a little party to visit the old 
 wreck at Porter's Point-several of the young ladies 
 in town are going-wont you do us the honor to 
 accompany us?" Without thinking much on the 
 matter, Miss Davis asked when the party mtended 
 to start, and then gave her consent to become a 
 member. But hardly had the officer taken his de- 
 parture when Mrs. Daisy saw fit to institute a series 
 of inquiries as to the object of his visit, and when 
 informed of the true state of the case, and that 
 Blodgett and Taper would possibly both be members, 
 that excellent lady proceeded to administer a most 
 unmerciful lecture, telling Miss Eleanor, among 
 other things, how that poor child Hector must be 
 ne-lected every time her " assistant " took it into her 
 head to thrust herself before gentlemen! Miss 
 Eleanor endeavored to reply as well as she could, 
 but the other lady would do nothing but sermonize 
 on the " proprieties of life," just as if Miss Davis 
 had been guilty of some terrible enormity m accept- 
 ing the invitation. And when Miss Davis after list- 
 enln- to this long harangue went once more into her 
 own room, and began thinking of all she had done 
 for her aunt, how she furnished her with the French, 
 and botany and astronomy and everything else, that 
 was necessary to spread before company; howshe 
 watched over Mrs. Daisy's household, just as if it 
 
330 Guy Averall. 
 
 were her own ; and, in addition, took care of that 
 greedy young boy night and day ; how she had done 
 everything for her aunt that it was possible for one 
 woman to do for another; and then to be abused and 
 misunderstood as she had been during that after- 
 noon, it really seemed more than she could bear. 
 And yet before long her own good sense came to the 
 rescue. " Yes," said she, " my aunt can censure and 
 misrepresent as she likes, but my own heart tells me 
 I have endeavored to do what is right. And as long 
 as I think so, it would ill become me to indulge in 
 pitiful complaints. No one, not even uncle, shall 
 ever know but I am treated both kindly and justly 
 under this roof. And in spite of all that the so called 
 wise may say to the contrary, I fully believe in a good 
 Providence, who will reward me sooner or later, 
 according to my deserts." 
 
 From these little incidents in the domestic affairs 
 of Mrs. Daisy to the career of Private Petersen, is 
 both an easy and' natural transition; sufifice it to say 
 ill the connection that at tliis period the easy going, 
 good natured steward drove quite a flourishing trade 
 by examining the crania of such residents of Jones- 
 ville, as chose to present themselves for an inspec- 
 tion. Seated on a chair, in the dispensary, some 
 long, lank native of the place might be seen, while 
 over him stood the " Doctor," as he was sometimes 
 called, who with his fingers in his skull, in the posi- 
 tion of a barber, was delivering a paneg>'ric in some- 
 thing approaching the following style : 
 
 " Head well formed, sir, size twenty-two inches, 
 
Guy Ave rail. 331 
 
 temperment somewhat bilious. In your case we 
 have amativeness fully developed. You are fond of 
 domestic life, would make a good husband, are 
 naturally inclined to be affectionate to a wife; and 
 if now a single man you certainly should marry." 
 
 " Is that so ?" would be the probable question at 
 this juncture. 
 
 " By all means — I should certainly advise you to 
 marry. The next organ we have is philo-progeni- 
 tiveness, or the love of offspring. In this case, also, 
 the bump is quite full. You are naturally fond of 
 the young, and have much sympathy with infantile 
 weakness. As the head of a family, you would be 
 an admirable man, since we find in your case all 
 the organs necessary to constitute a good husband 
 and father." 
 
 "How would I do as an astronomer.?" would 
 probably be the next inquiry. 
 
 "Astronomer! let me see. You have individu- 
 ality, form, size, number, order and comparison all 
 large. Why, sir, let me tell you, you would make an 
 excellent astronomer; all that would be necessary is 
 a little practice in the science, and a supply of the 
 proper instruments." And on receiving this assur- 
 ance, the latent star-gazer would pay his fee of 
 twenty-five cents very readily, and only hoped that 
 the time was not far distant when he would develop 
 into an Airy or Herschel. It was evident that 
 Petersen, spite of his simplicity, had read the story 
 of Gil Bias and the Bishop of Oveida. 
 
 Whatever were the faults and failings of these 
 " crackers " in the piney districts of the South, and 
 they have been charged with poverty, shiftlessness, 
 
332 Guy Aver all. 
 
 ignorance, and fifty other things beside, they cer- 
 tainly were by nature anything but aggressive; and 
 it was only by the continual urging and suggestions 
 of the rascally politicians on the subject of slavery, 
 that the poor whites in the South were forced into 
 the position of hostility to the United States govern- 
 ment, which they eventually assumed. Indeed, the 
 Twenty-sixth Artillery had not been quartered at 
 Camp Scott more than a fortnight, when evidence 
 was afforded of the dangerous character of these 
 political demagogues, whose leading principle of 
 action seems to be to intensify whatever discontent 
 may happen to be ctirrent at the moment, for the 
 sake of advancing their own interests. Right or 
 wrong it makes no difference; all is grist that can be 
 ground in their mill; the great end of the orthodox 
 "statesman" is to make himself "popular," and 
 provided this can be accomplished the ultimate con- 
 sequences of his harangue, are to him a subject of 
 very little consideration. On the present occasion, 
 the Circuit Court happened to be in session; and the 
 country people f6r miles around flocked into Jones- 
 ville. That evening a political meeting was held in 
 the public square, and some furious resolutions were 
 passed, denouncing several of the Northern states in 
 regard to alleged violations of the fugitive slave law. 
 A light-haired, curly-headed little upstart, originally 
 from Pennsylvania, was on the platform; and in his 
 own glib way, was urging his " fellow citizens of 
 Jonesville," to resent the affront put on them, by 
 every means in their power; and if necessary to pass 
 an ordinance of secession, declaring their state free 
 and independent, and the federal compact broken ! 
 
Guy Avcrall. 2>2>'S 
 
 This harangvie had proceeded some length, when 
 suddenly a voice was heard in the crowd. 
 
 *' It will be a grave mistake if that ordinance of 
 secession be passed," said the unknown stranger. 
 
 " Why so, may I ask ?" rejoined the orator. 
 
 " It will be the death blow of that very institu- 
 tion you seek to preserve," was the reply. 
 
 " It will be the beginning of a new and glorious 
 era for the South," remarked the Orator. 
 
 "We will see," said the interlocutor from be- 
 neath. 
 
 "We will see also," said the speaker from above. 
 
 And thus the controversy ended. Who the per- 
 son was that uttered this protest against the Orator, 
 no one could tell; nor did any one in the crowd sus- 
 pect that it was spoken by an officer belonging to 
 the garrison, who certainly was neither Mr. Spruce 
 nor Taper, nor yet the gallant Major Daisy. 
 
 VI. 
 
 It now becomes our duty, as historian of this 
 record, to relate an event of a sufficiently calamitous 
 nature, an event well remembered by all officers and 
 men who served in the Twenty-sixth Artillery at this 
 time; and which may serve to illustrate the diabolical 
 passions by which persons who pretend to be human 
 are occasionally influenced. For some time back it 
 had become evident that bad blood existed between 
 two of the non-commissioned officers of Company 
 "E"; for Sergeant Lawless, on the one hand, and 
 Corporal Sullivan on the other, were constantly com- 
 plaining and wrangling with each other. First one 
 would run with a certain statement to Major Daisy, 
 
334 Guy Aver all. 
 
 and then the other, so that it was impossible to de- 
 cide between the rival contestants. The origin of 
 the quarrel was involved in obscurity, although this 
 much appeared evident, that at one time Lawless 
 did all in his power to belittle Sullivan, both before . 
 his commanding officer and also in the eyes of the 
 men of the Company. It had already been hinted 
 that the education of Sullivan was somewhat limited; 
 so Lawless took advantage of this circumstance, 
 and on every possible occasion, ordered the Corporal 
 on some duty where this defect would appear in as 
 glaring a manner as possible. And then, if any 
 error was committed, the unfortunate Sullivan was 
 pretty certain to hear of it. One trick, much prac- 
 ticed by Lawless at this time, was to send Sullivan 
 to draw rations; and on his return to cross-question 
 him as to how many pounds of pork or rice he got 
 at the commissary, and when the other could not 
 give him the correct answer, to make some sneering 
 rejoinder regarding the qualification of such a per- 
 son for the grade of Corporal. At length it seemed 
 as though Sullivan had determined not to be put 
 down in that way; for he went into Jonesville, pur- 
 chased a few books, and then, under the guidance of 
 his wife, he proceeded to study the principles of 
 numerical calculation. As soon as Lawless noticed 
 this, he immediately changed his tactics in regard to 
 the Corporal; for now instead of finding fault with 
 him, on account of his want of knowledge, he chose 
 to make fun of Sullivan for his studious habits. 
 "There is Corporal Sullivan, if you please; studies 
 reading, writing and the rule of three; is resolved to 
 be a professor in a college, or something of the sort 
 
Guy Ave rail. 335 
 
 one of these days, I suppose." Sullivan stood this 
 banter without saying a word, he knew very well 
 that Lawless had the advantage in regard to rank, 
 and that it would not serve any good purpose to 
 crack jokes with him. He therefore paid no atten- 
 tion to these witticisms on the part of his superior, 
 but simply did his duty as he was bid, and on one or 
 two occasions, when he thought he was somewhat 
 imposed on, he lodged a complaint with the com- 
 mandant, who in spite of his habitual indolence, 
 really endeavored to render him some justice. At 
 length an unexpected advantage was thrown in Sul- 
 livan's way. One night it so happened that he was 
 acting as Sergeant of the guard; when Lawless, 
 having sold a half barrel of pork, belonging to the 
 Company, sat down with a few friends, so as to enjoy 
 a sociable game of cards. They gambled away till 
 tattoo; when having answered their names, they 
 again returned to the room, and putting up a blanket 
 in the window, so as to conceal the light, they all sat 
 down in order to continue their operations. Some- 
 time during the night. Lieutenant Square, who was 
 acting as officer of the day, visited the guard, and 
 then and there called Sullivan aside. " Corporal," 
 said he, " I think there is a candle burning in the 
 quarters of Company " E." It is your duty as non- 
 commissioned officer, in charge of the guard, to see 
 that it is extinguished. I wish you to go over at 
 once, order the light out, and then report to me." 
 According to directions Sullivan started to the 
 quarters, and there, around a blanket, spread 
 on the floor, he discovered both Lawless and 
 Ryan, with three or four other gentlemen of like 
 
5:^6 Guy Averall. 
 
 stamp, all engaged in the innocent amusement of 
 "poker." 
 
 And here it is necessary that an explanation 
 should be made. Lawless was undoubtedly a very 
 unprincipled man, and anything rather than a fit 
 person for the position he held in a Company, yet in 
 spite of these drawbacks, he had some qualities 
 which made him a favorite with a certain proportion 
 of the men under him. Every scoundrel, unless he 
 is an arrant coward, is sure to have his followers, 
 who look up to him, applaud his bad deeds, and are 
 ready to follow him, as far as their capacity will per- 
 mit The present case was no exception to the rule, 
 as to the reason of the preference extended towards 
 the non-commissioned officer, it is not difficult to 
 explain its origin. In the first place. Lawless was 
 not very exacting in the way of duty; in the second 
 place, he was liberal with every thing that he had, 
 no matter whether he stole it or not; in the third 
 place, he was a great "patriot," and that, we are 
 sure, is the sum of all excellencies. With tliese 
 recommendations in his favor, the man could not go 
 amiss, for there were certainly a half dozen persons 
 in the Company, more or less, who thought Lawless 
 the ne plus ulh-a of all that was excellent, and who 
 were ready to follow him, through thick and thin, on 
 every possible occasion. In point of fact, it so hap- 
 pened that these Avorthies had established a code of 
 honor of their own, in the Company; it was not con- 
 sidered wrong for Lawless to cheat, to bully, or to 
 squander the earnings of others; but to utter a 
 single word in disparagement of him, or to peach on 
 him to the authorities, Avas regarded as simply infa- 
 
Guy Aver all. 337 
 
 mous. When Sullivan, therefore, put his head into 
 the room where I>a\vless was seated, the simple 
 injunction was given: "Tell the officer of the day 
 that everything is quiet, and that you did not see 
 anyone here." And strange as it may seem, the 
 first Sergeant of Company " E " of the Twenty-sixth 
 Artillery, really expected that this command should 
 be obeyed to the letter. 
 
 Sullivan, however, was in no mood to do as 
 directed. He had already suffered enough from his 
 superior to prevent him seeking to palliate his faults; 
 and beside this, he considered it his duty, at all 
 events, to tell the truth when questioned on a sub- 
 ject, such as the present. On reporting to Lieuten- 
 ant Square, he informed him of what he had seen. 
 As a consequence charges were preferred against 
 Lawless and his friends, the following day; but 
 owing to the listlessness or indifference of Major 
 Daisy, these charges were never prosecuted, and the 
 offenders in the affair were finally allowed to go scot 
 free, with a mere reprimand. 
 
 A few evenings after this encounter, a group of 
 soldiers were sitting in front of their quarters at Camp 
 Scott. Some were smoking their pipes ; some were 
 speculating on their future plans, once their enlist- 
 ment had expired ; and others, again, were engaged 
 in the customary occupation of story telling. Among 
 these latter was Corporal Sullivan, who having just 
 fought his way through some profound calculation 
 in mathematics, thought it only proper and right to 
 amuse those present with that old recital about Hud- 
 den and Dudden and Donald O'Leary; which, we 
 need hardly say, was given with much gusto. Just 
 
338 Gity Ave rail. 
 
 as the non-commissioned officer had concluded his 
 tale, some one from behind him, slung a brickbat 
 with murderous intent ; for the missile, after touch- 
 ing the cap of the Corporal, struck the ground a few 
 yards behind him, and hopped into the middle of the 
 parade, In an instant Sullivan turned round, and 
 noticing a group of soldiers, standing at some dis- 
 tance behind him, he immediately spoke up. 
 
 "Well," said he," I did not know that I had 
 given any occasion for this, but whoever has slung 
 that brickbat at me had better step up to the front, 
 and perhaps he Avill find before long, that I am not 
 afraid to settle with the gentleman." 
 
 And with these words the Corporal left his seat* 
 and proceeded a few paces in the direction of the 
 suspected aggressors. But just at that instant the 
 tattoo sounded, and all the members of Company 
 ** E," the Corporal himself included, fell into the 
 ranks, and answered their names in the customary 
 manner. And after the ranks were broken, Guy 
 Averall, and most of the other soldiers proceeded 
 quietly to their b'eds. 
 
 VII. 
 Next morning it was reported everywhere 
 throughout the garrison that Corporal Sullivan had 
 deserted, and as a necessary consequence, the good 
 Mrs. Daisy saw fit to exhibit a very high state of 
 indignation. "Can it be possible," said she, "that 
 the dear child who has just wedded his wife, should 
 without provocation leave her in this undutiful man- 
 ner ? I pity Katy Traynor, I really pity her from 
 the bottom of my heart, but then the poor girl was 
 
Guy Averall. 339 
 
 determined to have her way, and now, as a conse- 
 quence, she must suffer. Had she married some 
 intelligent, well-conducted soldier, according to my 
 advice, he would have protected and shielded her as 
 long as she lived, instead of deserting her as that 
 child Sullivan had done. For my part, I only wish 
 I were rid of the Army in general, and of Camp 
 Scott in particular, for ever since we came here I 
 have been subjected to all sorts of annoyances. First 
 it is one thing, and then it is another, so really, I 
 think, the sooner Tom and I make preparations for 
 leaving the Army, so much the better. But then the 
 misfortune is, that neither my husband or I have 
 means sufficient to enable us to do so, and therefore 
 we must stick to the service as best we can." And 
 with this most lame and impotent conclusion the 
 speech of the good Mrs. Daisy terminated. 
 
 Meanwhile the first Sergeant of the Company 
 went round, collected the equipments of the absent 
 non-commissioned officer, and turned them into the 
 store room, as the property of a deserter. When! 
 asked if he could offer any explanation why Sullivan! 
 had left his command so abruptly. Sergeant Lawless 
 shook his head, and said he did not know; but Ryan, 
 who seemed to take some interest in the case, saw 
 proper to observe that in his opinion the cause was 
 simply — jealousy — that Sullivan had taken offence at 
 some little attention shown his wife by the first Ser- 
 geant, and remembering that the latter, at one time, 
 had been a suitor for the hand of Miss Kitty Tray- 
 nor, he chose to terminate the matter somewhat 
 abruptly by taking '' French leave." But all the men 
 of the Company thought the story, thus told, to be 
 
34° Guy Aver all. 
 
 a very improbable one, for Sullivan, as far as was 
 known, had never any occasion to quarrel with his 
 wife, who was simply as faithful and devoted a 
 creature, as any woman could possibly be, and seemed 
 fully resolved ever since her marriage to belie those 
 stories, in regard to her being nothing but a mere 
 flirt, which at one time had been circulated against 
 her. 
 
 At a late hour in the day, as Guy Averall, Ilogan 
 and a number of other men, were standing in their 
 quarters, it was noticed that Ryan, on a sudden, 
 entered the room and went directly to his knapsack. 
 From it he took out some article of clothing, a shirt 
 apparently, held it up for a second or two, asked the 
 question " will not some one give- me six cents for 
 this." And before any answer could be returned, he 
 threw the article into the fire. He immediately after- 
 wards left the room, but hardly had he gone when 
 Hogan gave a start. 
 
 " Did you see that fellow burn that shirt?" was 
 his remark. 
 
 " I did," was the answer from several. 
 
 "And I noticed blood on it," said Guy. 
 
 ** Well, depend on it," was the rejoinder, " there 
 is more in that simple act than appears upon the sur- 
 face. That fellow would never destroy his clothing 
 unless there were some cause for it. I'll venture my 
 life that this story of Sullivan's desertion is all 
 fudge. The man has been foully dealt with, and the 
 principal object with these two rascals, who are now 
 non-commissioned officers, is to gain time so that this 
 affair may blow over. Do you recollect that brick- 
 bat which was fired at the Corporal last night ? It 
 
Guy Averall. 341 
 
 certainly was done with some evil intent. I'll go this 
 very instant to Major Daisy and give him my impres- 
 sion of the entire transaction." 
 
 This resolution on the part of Hogan was in- 
 stantly approved by every one in the room ; so in a 
 second the clerk put on his jacket, and after but- 
 toning it up, away he started to the quarters of the 
 commanding officer. After ringing at the hall door, 
 in the usual manner, a servant directed him to re- 
 main, and before many seconds in came Major 
 Daisy, with a slipper on one foot, and a shoe down 
 in the heel on tlie other, rubbing his nose as was 
 usually his habit. 
 
 " Well Hogan what do you want } " was the 
 fatherly inquiry on the part of the old veteran. The 
 bard related his story in as few words as possible, 
 and dwelt particularly on the fact that Ryan had 
 destroyed an article of clothing, without apparent 
 cause, that morning, and that blood had been 
 observed on it. 
 
 " Veil, what if he did destroy his clothing ? " was 
 the reply. " Any good soldier may destroy his 
 clothing if he pleases. That's nothing pad. Ryan 
 was always a goot man, when he worked with me, 
 and that is the reason I made him Corporal. Pad 
 soldiers get trunk and goot soldiers do not. Ryan 
 never got trunk and so he is a ^ood soldier. How- 
 ever if you choose you can zee Lieutenant Spruce 
 on the subject. I am not well to-day, and at any 
 rate he is in command of the Company." 
 
 And with this recommendation ringing in his 
 ear, away went Hogan to see that officer. 
 
 On reaching the quarters of Lieutenant Spruce, 
 
342 Guy Aver all. 
 
 the clerk again opened his case but without much 
 success. Of course Lieutenant Spruce would not 
 habor a suspicion against such a gentlemanly person 
 as Ryan appeared to be. " Sergeant Lawless has 
 been here already this morning," was the rejoinder, 
 " and has reported the facts in the case. If I under- 
 stand the matter rightly Corporal Sullivan had a 
 quarrel with his wife, a few days ago, and had 
 already made preparations for leaving the Company. 
 However, I'll attend to the thing." And really and 
 truly Lieutenant Spruce did attend to the matter in 
 an admirable way ; for having just received a letter 
 from that " fine girl " of his, on whom his heart was 
 set, he turned the whole investigation over to his 
 friend Taper, sat down to read his billet doux, and 
 thus for the present the entire thing was neglected. 
 
 Disappointed in his endeavors, Hogan now 
 thought of returning to his quarters, when fortu- 
 nutely he met the Adjutant, Lieutenant Square, on 
 the sidewalk. Again the old story was rehearsed, 
 that Sullivan's absence had something mysterious in 
 it, that instead of 'quarreling with his wife, as Law- 
 less alledged, it was well known that both had lived 
 very happily together, that a brickbat had been flung 
 at Sullivan, the previous evening, as if for the pur- 
 pose of provoking a quarrel, that Ryan's demeanor on 
 the whole, was suspicious ; and his general character 
 among the men was not good. 
 
 " Very v/ell," said the other, '' I'll speak to the 
 commanding officer on the subject. I shall probably 
 obtain authority to get a squad of men, and with 
 them I intend to examine the neighborhood and see 
 if any traces of Sullivan are visible." 
 
City Averall. 343 
 
 While Hogan was employed in this way, Guy 
 Averall was not permitted to remain in quiet, for 
 some person, probably a confederate, chose to go to 
 Sergeant Ryan and inform him that the bard had 
 already paid a visit to the quarters of the command- 
 ing officer, and that Averall, in addition, had urged 
 his comrade to do so. The occasion being one of 
 importance, it was deemed advisable, on the part of 
 Ryan, to try what a little bluster would do, and Guy 
 was accordingly selected as a proper subject of attack. 
 
 " Well, parlez vous," said the Sergeant as he swag- 
 gered into the quarters. " How do you feel this 
 morning?" The non-commissioned officer could 
 sneer at Averall's attempts to study French, if he 
 could do nothing else. 
 
 " I am quite well," said Guy, at least as well as 
 could be expected under existing circumstances." 
 
 ** Well, as could be expected under existing cir- 
 cumstances," said Ryan, repeating Averall's words. 
 " Parlez vous, I understand you have been quite 
 busy this morning." 
 
 " In what way ?" asked Averall. 
 
 " In rubbing your musket, in whitening your 
 belts, and in other affairs beside." 
 
 "Well," said Guy, "I'm sure it is the duty of a 
 soldier to keep his gun and equipments cleaned, and 
 as to the other affairs of which you speak, I really do 
 not know exactly what you mean." 
 
 " What story was that you told to Hogan, before 
 he started to the quarters of Major Daisy?" 
 
 " I told him," said Guy, " that the shirt which 
 you offered for six cents in this room, and afterwards 
 burned, had blood on it, and I now repeat the same 
 story." 
 
344 G^y Ave rail. 
 
 "Blood on it!" again repeated Ryan, "how do 
 you know that there was blood on it?" 
 
 "Because I saw it with my own two eyes," said 
 Guy. 
 
 " Might not your eyes deceive you ?" asked 
 Ryan, 
 
 " Not in such a case as that," was the answer. 
 
 " What business have you with me or my shirt ! 
 Cannot you mind your own business ! Is not that 
 enough for you !" 
 
 " Sergeant Ryan," answered Averall, " I did not 
 thrust my head into a corner to spy into your effects. 
 You took that shirt of yours, and burned it in the 
 presence of several men in the squad room. I was a 
 witness of the fact, and have an undoubted right to 
 mention the circumstance to any one that I choose, 
 and also to draw my own inference from the same." 
 
 " What is your inference ?" asked Ryan. 
 
 " That I am not bound to tell," was the answer 
 on the part of Averall," for it might possibly happen 
 that my inference is wrong, and then I would be 
 doing an act of* injustice both to you and also to 
 myself." 
 
 "You are a great raisoner, parlez vous," said the 
 non-commissioned officer, " but do you know what, 
 I think a good slap in the face, at this instant, would 
 suit you as well as anything else." And at this 
 juncture Ryan assumed an attitude, as if he intended 
 to inflict bodily chastisement on Guy Averall. 
 
 The latter, however, understood the situation of 
 affairs too well to be bullied. It was not an object 
 with Ryan, at present, to provoke a quarrel with 
 Averall, since such a course would be simply adding 
 
Guy Ave rail. 345 
 
 fire to the flames already in existence. His purpose 
 was merely to frighten Guy with silence in regard to 
 the burning of the clothing that morning ; and pro- 
 vided this end were accomplished, it was not his 
 intention to strike a single blow. But the sympathies 
 of Averall were already enlisted on the side of right 
 and justice ; and as to Ryan, he was determined not 
 to give him any advantage. 
 
 " Sergeant," said he, " there is no use in talking 
 any further on this matter. A member of the Com- 
 pany is now absent, and some of us are determined 
 to find out where he has gone, your bluster there- 
 fore, is of no avail, especially as I have now been 
 , long enough in the service to understand the differ- 
 ence between an official and a purely personal matter. 
 As to the first, you are a Sergeant in this Company, 
 and as such I will obey you. But when you attempt 
 to provoke a quarrel, in the way you now do, I will 
 give you to understand you are no better than any 
 other man. Of course you are stronger and bigger 
 than I, and in an affair of fisticuffs would doubtless 
 have the advantage. But I, on the other hand, do 
 not choose to submit to such an appeal as that. If ■ 
 you strike me you do it at your peril. There is 
 my musket and bayonet now standing in the gun rack. 
 At present they are injuring no one. But if I am 
 hit the case will be very different. I will then use 
 them on you, just as I would on the meanest private 
 in the Company." 
 
 As soon as Ryan felt satisfied that Averall could 
 neither be frightened or cajoled, he instantly changed 
 his demeanor. A smile spread over his brutal counte- 
 nance, for he now wished to ingratiate himself as far 
 
346 Guy Aver all. 
 
 as possible. It was better that Averall, under present 
 circumstances should remain at least passive, than 
 that he should become an avowed enemy. The 
 sneering allusion to Guy's studies was accordingly 
 dropped, and in its place was substituted a reference 
 to the supposed locality of his birth. 
 
 "You are a brave fellow after all," was the excla- 
 mation of the non-commissioned officer, "well done 
 for the Enniskillener, well done for the Enniskill- 
 ener ! " 
 
 VIII. 
 
 As far as the plan proposed by Lieutenant Square 
 was concerned, the good Major Daisy at first seemed 
 disposed to throw obstacles in the way, " I should 
 like to obtain a detail, Major, to go into the woods," 
 said the Adjutant while addressing his superior. " It 
 has been reported to me that an attempt was made 
 last night to pick a quarrel with Corporal Sullivan, 
 now absent, and although nothing definite in regard 
 to the matter is known, I should like to ascertain if 
 any traces of him can be discovered in the neigh- 
 borhood. 
 
 " I have already heard of this case of Corporal 
 Sullivan, and have turned over the affair to his Com- 
 pany commander. Lieutenant Spruce has the mat- 
 ter in charge." 
 
 "But Lieutenant Spruce, as I understand the 
 case, does not chose to exert himself in it. He has 
 turned the whole thing over to Lieutenant Taper." 
 
 " Very well, I have done with it. I have done 
 with it. I have given the necessary orders, and the 
 responsibility no longer rests on me." 
 
 " Major Daisy, permit me to say," was the answer, 
 
Guy Aver all 347 
 
 " that as long as a transaction of this kind remains 
 in doubt, you cannot get rid of the responsibility. I 
 have already been balked in an official matter, at 
 this post ; but am determined not to be turned aside 
 in this. As the case stands, a member of the com- 
 mand has disappeared in a way that no one can 
 sufficiently explain. Now, allow me to say, that an 
 affair of this kind is of too much importance to be 
 hushed up. You may refuse me a detail of men if 
 you choose, but be assured of this, if the circum- 
 stances are brought to the notice of the proper 
 authorities, and I am asked for any opinion in respect 
 to it, that opinion will be given without regard to 
 the rank or position of any one in this command. 
 Now you can act as you choose in the matter." 
 
 These words, which were uttered in a pretty de- 
 termined tone, soon brought the gallant Major to 
 terms. "Well, well, I will give you the detail— I 
 will give you the detail. Mrs. Daisy will have to let 
 her work go. Averall, go and tell the acting Ser- 
 geant Major to send a party of eight men to report 
 to the Adjutant." 
 
 In less than an hour from that time the squad just 
 mentioned was called out, and leaving Camp Scott, 
 they took the road which led to Hammerton Court 
 House-. After proceeding for some distance a couple 
 of negroes were met, and to these Lieutenant Square 
 proposed a few questions, as to whether any soldier 
 had been seen going that way ? According to the 
 answer then given by the ** darkies," they had not 
 noticed any enlisted man leaving camp. The next 
 person addressed was the toll keeper of the bridge 
 over the Santee River; but he, in like manner, was 
 
34^ Guy Ave rail. 
 
 certain no soldier had passed in that direction. The 
 conclusion then was, even in spite of the smiles and 
 assertions of Lawless, that if Sullivan had really de- 
 serted, he certainly had not taken the road to the 
 upper country. On the way back the party went 
 into some of the houses occupied by the " crackers," 
 the name applied to the poor Avhites in the South. 
 These edifices were constructed of round, unhewn 
 logs, and covered with clapboards; the chinks be- 
 tween the logs that formed the walls, being large 
 enough for a dog to jump through, and a doorway, 
 that in one case, was covered with a dirty old qailt, 
 in default of the proper appendage. Spite of all 
 that is said of social progress in the new world, the 
 whole appearance of the buildings did not indicate 
 a very exalted civilization. On making inquiry of 
 the inmates, the same answer was always returned — 
 they had not seen any soldier going that way, nor 
 did they believe any had left for the other side of 
 the river. At length one of the residents suggested 
 that perhaps the missing man might have sought the 
 road to Hammerton, by a certain cross-cut which led 
 towards a little stream that empties into the Santee, 
 and which is known by the name of John's creek. 
 In this direction the squad accordingly went, and 
 soon met a couple of whites, who seemed to be out 
 on a hunting expedition, for they both carried rifles 
 on their shoulders. To them, in like manner, the 
 usual question was put, but neither of them seemed 
 to know anything of a deserter. And then one of 
 the men spoke up. " If it is a dead soldier you are 
 looking for, I reckon I know whar you'll find one, 
 for I saw a man in uniform, all haggled and cut, 
 
Guy AveralL 349 
 
 lying in a heap of brush, near the creek this very- 
 morning." The nonchalant manner in which these 
 words were uttered, seemed to indicate that a dead 
 man or two was a thing of very little consequence in 
 that part of South Carolina; on being requested, 
 however, to do so, the stranger accompanied the 
 party in the direction of Camp Scott. In doing so, 
 it was noticed he kept pretty close to the creek, and 
 when within a quarter of a mile or thereabouts of 
 the barracks, he went into the brush, which lined 
 the edge of the stream. There, sorrowful to relate, 
 the dead body of poor Sullivan was discovered, cut 
 and mangled in the most frightful manner. On his 
 face were several gashes, his breast was stabbed in 
 four or five places, some of his fingers were almost 
 severed from his hand, while his legs and arms all 
 presented evidence of the violence he hadjsuffered. 
 At this instant a feeling of horror was visible in the 
 face of every one present, but after it had subsided 
 to some extent, the body was brought back, placed 
 in the Hospital, and after a little investigation, all 
 the circumstances connected with the case were de- 
 veloped. From the testimony of several of the men 
 it appeared, that after tattoo, on the previous even- 
 ing, Sullivan saw fit to accuse Ryan of throwing the 
 brickbat at him, a fact which the other did not choose 
 to deny, and after a short parley, it was determined 
 that they should both go into the woods, and ascer- 
 tain which of the two were the better man. It was 
 also shown that Lawless consented to act as umpire 
 between the contestants ; and further, that a couple 
 of knives were purchased at the sutler's establishment 
 belonging to the place, these being the weapons with 
 
35° Guy Aver all. 
 
 which the fight was conducted. What took place 
 after this it was impossible to tell, as Ryan and Law- 
 less when separately questioned, told different stor'es 
 from each other, and there was no reason to believe 
 that either of them was strictly true. This much, 
 however, was evident, that while Sullivan was cut and 
 mangled in a manner that was fearful, neither one of 
 the other members of the party received any injury, a 
 ' state of things which justified the suspicion that Law- 
 less and Ryan, after exciting the anger of the Corporal, 
 by an unprovoked attack, got him into the woods, 
 and when within their power, they fell on him and 
 butchered him. Both of these worthies, as was well 
 known, had some cause for disliking Sullivan ; and 
 now, as a consequence, the poor fellow has met his 
 untimely fate. On the whole, the officer in com- 
 mand of the garrison, had no other alternative but to 
 place Lawless and Ryan in close confinement ; and 
 after an inquest was held on Sullivan's body, to turn 
 them over, for further prosecution, to the civil au- 
 thority. 
 
 On examining the knapsacks oi the prisoners after 
 their arrest, a number of interesting relics were dis- 
 covered, which served to show that both of the non- 
 commissioned officers were men of a sufficiently 
 lively nature; for in that belonging to Lawless were 
 found a number of ladies' favors of various kinds, 
 kid gloves, billets doux and so forth; some of 
 which, by the way, had about them a certain strange 
 look of suspicion. Mixed with these gifts, per contra, 
 was a very well considered plan for the invasion of 
 Ireland, duly elaborated, in which it was stated that 
 a column of well-armed men, proceeding from the 
 
Guy Aver all. 351 
 
 Cove of Cork might advance north, and then be 
 joined by another column coming from the west, 
 that these united bodies might then proceed in the 
 direction of the Capital, and when within a shorty 
 distance of the hill of Tara might there defeat the 
 EngHsh and then proclaim liberty to the Hibernian 
 people. The other knapsack, which was the prop- 
 erty of Ryan, was still more curious, for in it was 
 found a humorous description of the celebrated 
 Puck, of national fame, whose business it was to de- 
 molish Patrician landlords, from behind a hedge, at 
 the rate of five pound sterling a head, provided he 
 got in addition a sufficient supply of aqua vitse to 
 sustain his faltering courage to the trigger stretch. 
 And then followed a number of signs, passwords, 
 and grips, evidently belonging to a Molly Maguire, 
 or other secret society. " Are you straight ?" " I 
 am." " How straight .?" "As straight as a rush." *' For 
 what do you fight?" "For liberty." "Gracious 
 heaven !" exclaimed Hogan, after he had examined 
 this somewhat strange catechism, "liberty forsooth! 
 Are we to hear of nothing but liberty ! Or rather, 
 what has liberty in common with such lively gentle- 
 men as these." The existence of this paper served 
 to explain a curious paradox which had appeared for 
 some time back, to wit, that every now and then a 
 murderous attack was made on some member of the 
 Company, in the dark, usually with a sling shot or 
 some such instrument, and that the perpetrators of 
 these deeds could never be discovered. Was it pos- 
 sible, that these non-commissioned officers, whom the 
 good Mrs. Daisy seemed to estimate so highly, were 
 after all nothing but "a couple of vile Thugs; and 
 23 
 
352 Guy Aver all. 
 
 that a whole Company had to submit to the whims 
 and caprices of such a pair of rascals ? 
 
 But the most pitiful sight of all was presented 
 after the remains of the unfortunate Corporal was 
 laid in the Hospital. His wife appeared, threw her- 
 self on the corpse, and in phrases which it would be 
 impossible to translate, lamented the fate of her 
 husband. " I know," said she, " how this has all 
 happened. 1 always told him to beware of Lawless, 
 but the poor fellow had a spirit that could not brook 
 an insult; and so he died the victim of his crafty, 
 treacherous enemy." And then referring to her efforts 
 as a school teacher she would say, " up in his own 
 room is the copy book, on which he wrote his last 
 line, and the slate on which he did his last sum, for 
 after he was made Corporal he always wished to be a 
 scholar, and I was willing to assist him, as far as I 
 possibly could; but now he is gone — he is gone — 
 and I never henceforth will whisper a word in his 
 ear, or see, even for a moment the light of his eyes." 
 
 And then, when she began thinking on her hard 
 fate, it almost seemed as if the heart of the unfortu- 
 nate woman would break. She cried, and cried, till 
 she could hardly contain herself. But where is the 
 use in repining — in all these matters there is but one 
 course. The body of Corporal Sullivan was con- 
 signed to the dust from whence it was taken, and 
 after a little delay, his wife bid adieu to the scene of 
 these disasters. A subscription was opened to re- 
 lieve her immediate necessities, to which both officers 
 and men freely contributed, and with the sum, raised 
 in this way, she obtained the means of defraying her 
 expenses to the north. 
 
SUBSEQUENT PROCEEDINGS. 
 
 i I- 
 
 The events already narrated, disastrous though 
 they were, had one good effect ; they delivered the 
 well-disposed men of Company " E '! from an odious 
 tyranny to which, for a long time, they had been 
 subjected. The disgrace of Lawless and Ryan de- 
 stroyed the power of a dangerous clique, and sub- 
 stituted a better class of men in power. No longer 
 were there any offensive demands for the money of 
 this or that person, under color of a loan, said loan 
 to be afterwards repaid or not, just as the borrower 
 might choose ; and if forsooth the money were de- 
 manded back again at pay day, the applicant was 
 instantly set down as a mean spirited, penurious, 
 low fellow ; insensible alike to the claims of gener- 
 osity, and the code of honor of a soldier. A visit to 
 Camp Scott was made about this time by old Gen- 
 eral Fuzzy ; and it was arranged, among other things, 
 that the command of Company '* E," should be en- 
 trusted to Lieutenant Square, Major Daisy being 
 meanwhile left in charge of the garrison. As to 
 Taper, he was detailed on duty as instructor in the 
 science of ethics at the Military Academy, and the 
 gay and handsome Spruce was made Adjutant. The 
 affairs of the Twenty-sixth Artillery were now regu- 
 lated on military principles. By a singular piece of 
 good fortune, the Scotchman, Moldwell, was selected 
 353 
 
354 Guy Aver all 
 
 as first Sergeant ; and under his guardianship the 
 smallest private in the Company was treated as if he 
 had the same natural right as the biggest, instead of 
 being subjected to the whims and caprices of the 
 latter. As to Hogan, he was too irregular and care- 
 less in his habits to be entrusted with a military 
 command, but having pledged his honor, as a gen- 
 tleman, not to get drunk more than three or four 
 times in the course of a year, he finally was assigned 
 to the charge of the commissary. Here the bard had 
 ample opportunities to exhibit his knowledge of the 
 value of beans, as part of the soldiers' fare ; and ere 
 long the command was convinced that the various 
 proportions of that vegetable, along with the other 
 constituents of the soldiers' ration in America, pork, 
 beef, flour, rice, coffee, sugar, vinegar, candles, soap 
 and salt, were all as familiar to Private Hogan, as 
 were certain knotty points in scholastic divinity ; or 
 the sayings, translations and imitations of his whim- 
 sical countryman, Father Prout. In short, in his 
 management of the Company, Lieutenant Square 
 seemed to act on the principle that all the virtues of 
 the organization do not rest exclusively with those 
 who happen to be possessed of vigorous arms and 
 muscles ; that some remnants of common understand- 
 ing and honesty are to be found even among indi- 
 viduals of less exalted mould ; and that by making 
 a proper use of the sense of right and wrong, which 
 undoubtedly exists in all communities, it is pos- 
 sible to govern a number of soldiers very well, 
 without having constant recourse to such little whims 
 as " bucking and gagging," " tying up by the thumbs," 
 manufacturing " spread eagles," and other little 
 
Guy Averall. 355 
 
 eccentricities with which the United States private 
 was unhappily but too familiar at this period. 
 
 As to the good and amiable Mrs. Daisy, her 
 mind was greatly exercised at this time. In the first 
 place, her spirit, as she herself said, had received a 
 severe shock on account of the fall of those " dear 
 children " Sergeants Lawless and Ryan ; and in 
 addition to all this, Mr. Blodgett, the irrepressible, 
 still seemed to be a source of trouble. But the 
 greatest annoyance of all was in reference to that 
 dear Vale of Chamouni, on which her heart was 
 still set, for her own darling Tom, as yet, seemed 
 somewhat indifferent to the charms of that place, 
 and having made up his mind not to forestall his 
 pay, he felt disposed apparently to disparage that 
 far-famed locality, whenever the subject was men- 
 tioned. *' What fools our beople bake of themselves," 
 he would sometimes say, "when they begin talking 
 about these foreign blaces. Bale of Chamouni ! My 
 wife, Mrs. Daisy, is a perfect bonobaniac on the sub- 
 ject ; and after all what is it ! A kind of gully, I 
 suppose, between a couple of mountains, with a road 
 running through it, from end to end, and a few tav- 
 erns stuck here and there, just by way of variety. 
 Why I could find you plenty of bales, such as this, 
 within fifty miles of New York, if Mrs. Daisy would 
 only be satisfied with them." 
 
 " Oh Tom ! oh Tom!" would be the rejoinder "you 
 have not a particle of poetry or romance in your 
 composition." And with this sage remark on the 
 part of his spouse, the discussion usually terminated. 
 
 At length it seemed as though that kind Provi- 
 dence which watches over the destinies of nations, 
 
35^ Guy Aver a II. 
 
 and has ever an eye on the deserving, looked down 
 in pity on the good Mrs. Daisy, and actually relieved 
 her from two of her principal difficulties. In the 
 first place, it may be remarked that Blodgett, taking 
 example apparently from Lieutenant Square, began 
 to be somewhat attentive to a cousin of his at this 
 time, a fact which did not remain long undiscovered, 
 so Mrs. Daisy immediately came to the conclusion that 
 all sources of anxiety on account of that scatterbrain 
 subaltern were now removed ; and that her ward, 
 Miss Davis, was not destined to fall into his clutches. 
 In the second place, it deserves to be recorded, that 
 just about this time, an uncle of the Brigadier hap- 
 pened to die in New York ; and on examining his 
 will it was discovered that a legacy of a few thous- 
 and dollars had actually been left to his niece. It 
 was with feelings of mingled joy and sorrow that the 
 lady received the news. " The poor dear man ! " 
 said she by way of exclamation, " it pains my heart 
 so much to think that he is gone. I always loved 
 him very dearly, and had long looked on him as a 
 second father to me, and so indeed he was, since my 
 own dear pa took his departure to a better world 
 than this. But now his struggles and anxieties are 
 all over, he is laid at rest, and I shall never enjoy the 
 felicity of seeing his dear face again. But Tom, Tom," 
 continued Mrs. Daisy still sticking to her text. " I 
 have one question to ask. As soon as I obtain the 
 money, cannot we get that six months leave of 
 absence, that we have been speaking of, for so 
 long a time, and enjoy ourselves, by taking our little 
 ramble as we originally intended in far off countries." 
 ** Ramble as we originally intended in far off 
 
Guy Ave rail. 357 
 
 countries ! Ramble as we originally intended in far 
 off countries ! " exclaimed Major Daisy in despair, 
 " I see we will have no peace or quietness till we 
 find ourselves in motion. Yes, yes, Sophia, you can 
 have your own way in this, as you already have had 
 it in a good many other things. There is only one 
 request I have to present. Don't mention Europe 
 to me till we are ready to start ; for I already have 
 heard enough on that subject to last me my lifetime." 
 
 " Then I shall see the dear vale of Chamouni," 
 said Mrs. Daisy, ** with my own two eyes, and we 
 shall both visit the Lake of Geneva, and the castle 
 of Chillon, with Clarens, Vevey, Lausanne, and all 
 the other localities.. Tol-de-re-lol-lol ! Tol-de-re- 
 lol-lol ! Oh the vale of Chamouni. Tol-de-re-lol- 
 lol ! Tol-de-re-lol-lol ! Oh the vale, the vale of 
 Chamouni." 
 
 " Major Daisy I have only one word to say in 
 the connection, I consider myself one of the most 
 fortunate women in the world, and you as simply 
 the best and dearest man that ever existed." 
 
 II. 
 But it must not be supposed that the good Mrs, 
 Daisy depended altogether on those exotic pleas- 
 ures as a means of enjoyment ; on the contrary her 
 mind was too well disciplined to rest entirely on 
 foreign attractions, such as far off places afford, and 
 hence it happened that as long as she remained in 
 her own country, she resolved to participate in its 
 society and customary gratifications. And in proof 
 of this we would mention, that after remaining in 
 Camp Scott for about three months, the troops were 
 
358 Gvy Aver all. 
 
 ordered to one of the Forts in Charleston Harbor, 
 The third or fourth day after their arrival it was 
 reported that a boating party, having returned at a 
 somewhat late hour in the night, Lieutenant Square, 
 instead of going to his quarters, as he ought, was 
 actually seen with Mrs. Daisy on one arm, and Miss 
 Eleanor on the other, taking a moonlight stroll round 
 the brick covered ramparts of Fort Moultrie. Now 
 no one pays any regard to a midnight stroll in Amer- 
 ica, during the lovely month of August, when the 
 voice of the mocking bird is heard in the grove, and 
 the buzz of the mosquito is heard in the ear, and 
 the thermometer is standing at ninety ; and yet this 
 particular excursion was regarded with a good deal 
 of suspicion. Why could not Mrs. Daisy, if sentiment- 
 ally inclined, go and plump at once into her downy 
 bed, and allow Miss Eleanor, who was a marriageable 
 woman, to have this little stroll with Lieutenant 
 Square in quietude ? But no, such a thing as this 
 would be highly improper, so the Brigadier, who by 
 the way did not object to a little soft nonsense her- 
 self, would not suTDJect the niece to this vile offence 
 of lovemaking. 
 
 " By all that is handsome," said a big recruit, 
 when the circumstance was mentioned, " I should 
 consider it the greatest joke in the world, if the 
 Lifftenant should steal a march on old Jazabel, and 
 marry Miss Eleanor, in spite of her teeth. It is the 
 greatest pity in the world he is not a free man, for 
 if Square and Miss Davis, by some accident, should 
 become husband and wife, I'm blessed but every 
 soldier in the company would dance a hornpipe on 
 the occasion. It is easy to see who is the real lady, 
 
Guy Aver all. 359 
 
 after all, in that house, even in spite of the Briga- 
 dier's mighty pretensions. I guess, if Miss Davis 
 left, the Brigadier would have to look after young 
 , Hector himself, and teach him French too ; and as 
 to his face, it might remain dirty or not, just as 
 chance should direct, for by the powers above, the 
 mother is too lazy to trouble herself with such trifles 
 as that, in the way of household discipline. She is 
 always talking of Kings and aristocracy." 
 
 "Of course she does," was the reply from some 
 one else, " and well entitled is she to the privilege. 
 Do we not know, as she has often told us, that she 
 was brought up in the lap of luxury, all her life, and 
 how can a person who has enjoyed such privileges 
 as these, venture to attend to a few every-day cares .^ 
 Didn't I hear her tell a rousing whopper, the other 
 evening, in addition to a few of the same sort, which 
 I have already set down in my catalogue." 
 
 " What was that ? " was the rejoinder. 
 
 " I will tell you, just as the lady herself rehearsed 
 the narration, for I heard her going over the whole 
 thing, from beginning to end. According to her 
 account, the present A. T. Stewart, of New York, is en- 
 titled to the family of the Brigadier for all his great- 
 ness. The ' child ' was originally nothing but a boy, 
 very poor and very ignorant, who landed at New 
 York in a pair of corduroys, and afterwards went 
 about the street selling newspapers. The father of 
 Mrs. Daisy, seeing the urchin, called him in; gave 
 him his supper and sent him to school ; and from 
 such humble beginnings as these, arose all of A. T. 
 Stewart's subsequent greatness. He never forgets 
 his old benefactor, be it told ; for any time that Mrs. 
 
360 Guy Averall. 
 
 Daisy goes into Stewart's warehouse, the head book- 
 keeper is sent immediately to wait on her. She can 
 order as many goods as she likes, they are instantly 
 sent down to her house, and she can pay for them or 
 not, just as it suits her convenience." 
 
 " It is a wonder," said the other, " that a person 
 like Mrs. Daisy is not ashamed to tell such fables." 
 
 "Fables!" was the rejoinder, "these are not 
 fables at all — the woman has been telling these stories 
 so very, very often, that she really now believes in 
 the truth of them. Still after all, I will give Mrs. 
 Daisy credit for one thing. She every now and then 
 will release a soldier from the guard house, provided 
 she requires some work from him. Perhaps after 
 all, she will grow lenient towards one of her best 
 friends, I mean towards Miss Davis herself." 
 
 "Oh, indeed she wont," was the reply. "The 
 place of Miss Eleanor is fixed. Mrs. Daisy considers 
 her niece as her own particular perquisite ; and to 
 allow the latter to leave her house, is a thing that a 
 woman like the Brigadier will never consent to. She 
 requires the service of Miss Davis now, particularly, 
 in view of that foreign gallop on which she seems so 
 much bent. Beside all this, I have my private reasons 
 for supposing that Miss Eleanor has pretty tho- 
 roughly abandoned this notion of matrimony." 
 
 III. 
 
 It was subsquent to the foregoing events that the 
 principal personage in Fort Moultrie was obliged to 
 stand up and explain. The immediate occasion of 
 this adventure was the inimitable Hector. One day 
 his mother hearing that the Secretary of War was 
 
Guy Averall. 361 
 
 inclined to be propitious, resolved to* take time by 
 the forelock, and accordingly wrote that, when the 
 proper time came, she was very desirous that her son 
 should receive an appointment as a cadet. The 
 Secretary, supposing that the request was an urgent 
 one, posted off immediately to the President, and 
 laid the claims of Major Daisy before him. That 
 dignitary was disposed to be complaisant, and as a 
 consequence, down came a letter from the War De- 
 partment, saying that the President, in consideration 
 of the services of Major Daisy, had been pleased to 
 act favorably on the application for his son to a place 
 at West Point ; that all which was now necessary 
 was to send the age of the boy, and the State in 
 which he was born, in order to have his name prop- 
 erly entered as a candidate for examination. The 
 brave and gallant Brigadier was now forced to apolo- 
 gize. Her son had not as yet attained the proper 
 age, so that the boon she asked was a prospective, 
 rather than an immediate favor. " If, however." 
 said she, " a vacancy should be open, say five or six 
 years from now, I shall be most proud to accept the 
 favor, for I certainly consider the Army the noblest 
 profession in the country. 
 
 As to those officers of the Twenty-Sixth Artillery 
 whose names have already appeared in this history, 
 their love affairs, let us assure the reader, now pro- 
 ceeded in as prosperous a way as could be expected. 
 First, as regards the irrepressible, he actually did 
 write a couple of letters to his cousin ; but just at 
 that juncture he happened to get hold of a book 
 which caused considerable talk at that time, the "'Ves- 
 tiges of Creation," and noticing that an English 
 
362 Guy Aver all. 
 
 physicist, Andrew Crosse byname, while experiment- 
 ing with a solution of silicate of potash, and an ordi- 
 nary galvanic battery, was surprised to see " as if 
 gradually growing from specks, between the poles of 
 the battery," certain animals of the genus acarus ! 
 Now this notion of producing animals by means of 
 electricity, was too captivating in itself to escape the 
 attention of Blodgett ; for the irrepressible was one 
 of those half crazy individuals, who are always on the 
 lookout for anything that can militate against the ac- 
 curacy of the first three chapters of Genesis ; and 
 provided they see something new in that direction, 
 they consider themselves to be immortal discoverers. 
 He accordingly dispatched an order to New York 
 for a galvanic apparatus, and as soon as it came to 
 hand, he commenced dabbling with his chemicals. 
 But somehow or other, the insects would not come ; 
 and although silicate of potash, cyanide of potassium, 
 bromide of silver, and carbonate of soda were all used 
 in succession, yet that did not mend the matter, for 
 the experiment was a failure. So Blodgett had no 
 resource but to lay the blame on the means within 
 his reach. " By Jupiter, Square," said he one day, 
 " I can make as big bugs, and as fine bugs, as any 
 person in the whole universe — all I want is the proper 
 kind of instrument." 
 
 " You can do anything, Blodgett, that mortal man 
 ever accomplished, except one," said Square. 
 
 "Except one," repeated Blodgett. "What is 
 that one, may I ask ?" 
 
 '' Persuade a woman, who is unwilling to do so, 
 to marry you," was the answer." 
 
 The irrepressible made no reply to this observa- 
 
Guy Averall. 363 
 
 tion, but at the same time he colored as if his face 
 was a carrot. Was it possible that Square, even in 
 the midst of his nonchalant existence, had suspected 
 Blodgett of a more than ordinar good will towards 
 Miss Eleanor ; and took this method of curbing the 
 somewhat ino dinat self-conceit of his brother offi- 
 cer ? Or was the expression which had just escaped, 
 a mere hap-hazard phrase, which beyond its general 
 application signified nothing ? For our part we must 
 confess that ha ing studied this problem for a very- 
 considerable space of time, we are obliged to let the 
 whole matter rest, with the customary Spanish in- 
 quiry, quien sabe ? 
 
 As to our old friends, Messrs. Spruce and Taper, 
 we have only this much to say that during their term 
 of duty, in the South, they were both as merry as 
 crickets. They carolled that song about " cigars " 
 and '' cognac," just as usual ; and after Taper was 
 transferred to West Point, he Avent a step further and 
 proposed, first, to that " lovely girl " on Twenty-fifth 
 Avenue, and some other street ; and afterwards to 
 the other " lovely girl " who lived a square further 
 up town, but the answer, unfortunately, was alike in 
 both cases— kind papa thought Mr. Taper a very ex- 
 cellent young man, and in other circumstances would 
 be disposed to give him every possible consideration; 
 but then the profession which Taper followed pre- 
 sented an insuperable objection, and neither person- 
 age would consent that a member of his family should 
 adopt such a wandering, half-gypsy calling as that to 
 which the suitor was bound. So the officer was 
 obliged to take his hat in hand and make his depart- 
 ure. With Spruce, on the contrary, the result was 
 
364 Guy Ave rail. 
 
 totally different. The father of that gentleman ; a 
 cross, vinegar-faced old felloAv, who lived in the 
 neighborhood of Madison Square, had the reputation 
 of being tolerably rich, owing to a fortunate specula- 
 tion in Western lands. It was currently supposed 
 that the officer, at some time or other, would be the 
 inheritor of a considerable proportion of this wealth; 
 a fact which was duly taken into account when that 
 gallant young Subaltern presented his claim. The 
 venerable papa, in this case, did not like the army 
 any more than other persons did, but gold is omni- 
 potent everywhere ; and >the fact that Spruce had 
 his great expectations before him outweighed all 
 minor considerations. After the customary doubts 
 and hesitations were removed, the reluctant head of 
 the family assented. In a couple of months from 
 that time, the marriage was celebrated with proper 
 solemnity ; and the happy couple both started on 
 their wedding tour. What presents they received and 
 what places they visited, it becomes us not to say ; 
 but after the lapse of a month or six weeks, the final 
 result followed, for the gallant Lieutenant brought 
 his wife to Fort Moultrie. After a due exchange of 
 calls, examination of wedding gifts, etc., " bride is a 
 lovely creature, you know," the lady herself came up 
 as a proper subject for examination, and on a close 
 and searching inspection, it was officially declared 
 that Mrs. Spruce was a lady of many excellent qual- 
 ities, a woman who was calculated in every way to 
 make her husband happy ; and do honor besides to 
 the Army, in every respect. All the ladies at Fort 
 Moultrie were loud in their praise of Mrs. Spruce, 
 but Mrs. Daisy was loudest of all ; indeed as far as 
 
Guy Averall. 365 
 
 that point was concerned, the way the Brigadier took 
 Mrs. Spruce under her charge was one of the most 
 touching sights that could well be conceived. " I'll 
 be a dear, good mother to you, my child. I'll be a 
 dear, good mother to you, as long as you remain in 
 the service," was the affectionate exclamation of 
 Mrs. Daisy after making her first call, " an innocent 
 creature, such as you, wants some one to look after 
 her interest. I'll never forget you as long as you 
 live — your husband is a gallant officer and gentle- 
 man, who fully deserves any attention I may bestow 
 on his wife." 
 
 " Thank you, Mrs. Daisy," said Spruce, with a 
 bow, 
 
 " No thanks at all — no thanks at all — it is merely 
 my duty as wife of the commanding officer of this 
 garrison. Now, Mr. Square, when are we going to 
 have the pleasure of bestowing the same attention 
 on you V 
 
 " As far as that point is concerned, I really 
 cannot say," was the reply. 
 
 " Bring the dear child here as soon as possible — 
 bring the dear child here as soon as possible, don't 
 make any delay, and I'll do all in my power to make 
 it agreeable for her. I was brought up in absolute 
 elegance; as I've often said, I was never controlled 
 in any way when young, but I did not mind the 
 change into the Army one bit. I willingly surren- 
 dered every thin sj I had in the world for the sake of 
 my own good Tom, and now there is nothing that 
 gives me so much pleasure as seeing his friends and 
 my friends all together. Once Mrs. Square joins us 
 m the Army, we will soon clear out the Hospital in 
 
366 Guy Averall. 
 
 the usual way, and then we all can dance the chapeau 
 bras. 
 
 V. 
 
 As to Guy Averall, he had nothing whatever to 
 do with love at this time; the truth of the matter 
 being that the pay which he then drew as a private 
 soldier, seven dollars a month, would hardly allow 
 him to indulge in that somewhat expensive luxury. 
 He still kept up his studies as iisual; and after get- 
 ting through his Charles the Twelfth and Gil Bias, 
 he made a further advance in the usual French 
 course, by translating Corinne, Louis Quatorze and 
 two or three of the plays of Moliere. He now felt 
 himself fully prepared to dip into those beautifu', 
 though somewhat eccentric works, which constitute 
 the great bulk of modern Gallic literature — George 
 Sand and Paul de Kock, Monsieur Balzac, and the 
 Author of the Mysteries of Paris, But luckily for 
 Guy, he was saved from this degradation, for about 
 this time he succeeded in making the acquaintance 
 of Shakspeare. But here, perchance, some persons 
 may ask, how does it happen that Averall, who 
 seems to have a tolerable appreciation of mathe- 
 matical science, and is even able to understand a 
 political discussion, should yet remain ignorant of 
 the greatest of English poets ? But Guy, it must be 
 recollected, was born in a curious part of the world, 
 the north of Ireland; a region that for narrow puri- 
 tanical prejudices is exceeded by none; and where 
 these prej udices exercise a tyranny that in other places 
 would be simply unendurable. In his youth the boy 
 had access to books, it is true, and was occasionally 
 allowed to rejuvenate himself by an inspection of 
 
Guy Ave rail. 367 
 
 such entertaining volumes as " Blair on the Grave " 
 or "Harvey's Meditations Among the Tombs," but 
 to think of glancing at the productions of an irre- 
 ligious play actor, like Shakspeare, the thing was 
 impossible! And the fact was, that while there was 
 a tolerable collection of volumes of a miscellaneous 
 character in his aunt's house, which he could read as 
 he chose, yet Shakspeare, at that time, was to him a 
 sealed book, so that till he was stationed at Fort 
 Moultrie, he never read a single play of the greatest 
 of dramatists. But this restraint, after all, was any- 
 thing rather than an injury; for do we not become 
 insensible of the force and beauty of the best passages 
 of English poetry, by a mechanical repetition of 
 them, at a time when our inexperience of life renders 
 us incapable of appreciating their excellence ? 
 Almost any boy of fourteen years of age, for in- 
 stance, has gone over the passage " To be or not to 
 be," till it has lost half its meaning, and has become 
 little more than a mere conglomeration of words. 
 The same remark applies to other quotations beside 
 the one mentioned; some of which, spite of their 
 merits, are even parodied and ridiculed in every pos- 
 sible way. At any rate, when Guy Averall began 
 reading the bard of Avon it was with the freshness 
 of a new occupation, and certes the enjoyment and 
 instruction which he received at that time, was a 
 subject on which he long after loved to dilate. It 
 was pure pleasure — pleasure of the loftiest kind — 
 pleasure derived from sympathy and contact with 
 beings higher than we meet on earth, but who had 
 this much of humanity about them that they have 
 
 loved and suffered, just as we have, and as a coiise- 
 
 24 
 
368 Guy Averall. 
 
 quence they present a reflex image of those feelings 
 which every one among us may claim as his own; 
 but as his own, intensified and beautified by the art 
 of the poet. 
 
 The first play that Averall read was King Lear, 
 a tragedy which, as an expression of sublime sorrow 
 has not, we believe, its equal in the world, Then 
 followed Macbeth, and Othello and lastly, Hamlet, 
 Prince of Denmark, works that were absolutely new 
 revelations of power to Guy, and full of the most 
 glorious imagery. Even in their minute aspects, 
 what evidence do we find of that divine ideality, 
 which all true poets possess in a greater or less 
 degree, but which none have exhibited Avith greater 
 opulence than Shakespeare. Here, for instance, is 
 sentence after sentence, Avhich on account of its 
 appositeness and suggestiveness, has been quoted 
 again and again, but of whose origin Guy Averall 
 knows nothing till he discovers it in Hamlet or Mac- 
 beth. How universal Shakespeare seems, living in an 
 age when polemical and political controversy was 
 rife, he is neither Romanist nor Puritan, a friend of 
 the people or an admirer of kings ; but nature's 
 great poet, who feels himself at liberty to illustrate 
 his sentiments by allusions drawn from the most 
 opposite sources. What exquisite pictures of exter- 
 nal nature do we find here and there scattered 
 through his plays, of which the lines in which Horatio 
 informs Marcellus that daylight is approaching, are an 
 instance. In sketching a person what masterly power 
 is exhibited ; the disposition of Cordelia, for instance, 
 is revealed by the very first sentence which she 
 utters. This power of indicating a scene or a char- 
 
Guy Ave rail. 369 
 
 acter by a few words, is the very highest excellence 
 in poetic art, and is constantly exhibited by our 
 great dramatist. But it is useless to attempt to 
 enumerate other examples of the very highest quali- 
 ties. 
 
 Guy Averall was not a critic at this period, and 
 understood little or nothing about those varieties of 
 time, place and action on which French writers lay 
 so much stress ; he was conscious, nevertheless, even 
 when first examining Shakespeare, that in his principal 
 plays there is at least a unity of sentiment, from 
 beginning to end, and to the illustration of this, all 
 the incidents of the piece are subordinate. This 
 characteristic has been duly noticed by the German 
 critics and also by Coleridge. In Romeo and Juliet^ 
 for instance, we have youthful love and its unfortu- 
 nate requital ; in Macbeth guilty ambiti'on and its 
 downfall ; in Lear the ingratitude of an old man's 
 offspring is exemplified. Instead of there being a 
 want of symmetry in Shakespeare, as many of the 
 French writers seem to suppose, there is the most 
 carefully developed plot, while his neglect of the 
 so-called classic rules, gives his plays a freedom, 
 variety and vigor to which those who write after the 
 French model, can make no possible pretension. 
 
 It was the habit of Guy's aunt, as a strict Puritan, 
 to disparage those works of imagination of which 
 Shakespeare's plays are an example; calling them 
 nothing, in short, but mere " bundles of lies " ; it is 
 a noteworthy fact nevertheless, that some of these 
 falsehoods, as she still chooses to designate them, 
 possess a durability to which works of mere infor- 
 mation can lay no possible claim. Nor is this fact 
 
270 Guy Aver all. 
 
 difficult to explain. A play, a poem, or a novel is 
 a work of art, and as such may approach perfection 
 in its kind ; and hence become a source of perma- 
 nent pleasure ever afterwards. But in mere science, 
 the case is different. Books of that sort can be 
 constantly improved. Knowledge is not only pro- 
 gressive, but it is yearly put into a more and more 
 convenient shape; and hence it happens that the 
 works of the early discoverers are first read, and 
 after a time absolutely neglected. There probably 
 was never a greater mathematical genius than Sir 
 Isaac Newton, yet who is there that studies the 
 Principia now ? Absolutely no one, in its entirety 
 unless perchance it is some historian of the progress 
 of physical science, who examines the book from 
 motives of curiosity. The fact is, the knowledge 
 contained in that production has been put into more 
 convenient shape by subsequent writers. But with 
 Othello and Macbeth the case is different. These 
 appeal to the feelings of the heart, which are per- 
 manent in- all ages and countries ; and as a conse- 
 quence are sure 'to be always read and appreciated. 
 
 VI. 
 
 Dropping Guy Averall and his Shakespeare for 
 the present, and proceeding with our direct narrative 
 we would say, that during the epoch under consid- 
 eration, were still continued the most extensive 
 preparations, by the good Mrs. Daisy, in view of 
 that foreign excursion, on Avhich her mind was now 
 wholly bent, while Miss Davis, in her inferior and 
 dependent character as an " assistant," was obliged 
 to render her aunt all the service she could afford in 
 
Guy Aver all. 371 
 
 the connection. Sometimes the former lady would 
 spread out the map of Europe, and debate, within 
 herself, which was the best possible route of travel 
 to take. At one time, for instance, she would im-v 
 agine herself going down the Rhine, examining those 
 old castles and towns of which so many romantic 
 stories are told ; anon she was stopping at Inter- 
 laken or Berne, or sailing at will on the Lake of 
 Geneva. But it was not in these ideal rambles 
 alone that her mind was exercised at this period ; 
 for Mrs. Daisy was by nature too well informed and 
 acute a woman to remain ignorant of the fact that 
 in order to derive proper advantages from travel, 
 much preparatory study is needed; and the history, 
 language and literature of the country one proposes 
 to visit, should all be subjected to a. preliminary 
 inspection. And the truth of the matter was, that 
 the Brigadier, ill-trained and badly constituted per- 
 sonage though she might be, had yet a wonderful 
 knack of gathering random misinformation on all 
 sorts of subjects ; so that painting, sculpture, 
 astronomy, the use of the globes, and a hundred 
 other things beside, had all to pay tribute to her com- 
 manding intellect. In no one direction, as may 
 readily be surmised, was her knowledge either cor- 
 rect or well digested ; she was erratic and wilful, 
 but not a stupid woman by any means. Indeed the 
 readiness with which she acquired a smattering of 
 knowledge on this and that topic, was in itself some- 
 what remarkable. By glancing over a book, here 
 and there, she was generally able, in a couple of 
 hours, to obtain a tolerably accurate notion of its 
 contents ; and that was all that was required, for the 
 
372 Guy Ave rail. 
 
 time being, to gratify her curiosity. As to serious 
 study, it was a thing of which she never had been 
 guilty in the course of her life; everything was done 
 by fits and starts, and once her curiosity on one topic 
 was exhausted, another was taken up, to be pursued 
 and dropped in the same desultory manner. 
 
 At the present period, Mrs. Daisy appeared to 
 take a profound interest in the fine arts ; and when- 
 ever she happened to be in the dark, on any particu- 
 lar subject, her usual source of information, Miss 
 Eleanor, was always on hand, and was sure to be 
 called in to supply the desired information, if possible. 
 
 But it was, after all, when talking of those dear 
 princes and princesses on whom the heart of Mrs. 
 Daisy was so constantly set, that the superiority of 
 this excellent woman became clearly manifested^ and 
 in his passages backward and forward between Fort 
 Moultrie and Charleston City, Guy Averall had fre- 
 quent opportunities of hearmg how intimate Mrs. 
 Daisy was with the Queen of Great Britain and Ire • 
 land, among other notables ; and also what a supreme 
 interest she took in the affairs of her family. " There 
 was that poor dear angel Victoria, whom I love so 
 very much; and her good husband Prince Albert 
 whom I esteem so very highly; and their children the 
 Princess Royal, born on such a day in the year one 
 thousand eight hundred and forty; and the Prince of 
 Wales born on such a day in the year eighteen hun- 
 dred and forty-one; and the lovely Alice, born on 
 such a day in the year eighteen hundred and forty- 
 three." And so Mrs. Daisy would go on, giving day 
 and date for the birth of the queen's somewhat 
 numerous family, till the whole list was exhausted. 
 
Guy Ave rail. 373 
 
 After such a painstaking effort as this, it will readily 
 be granted that if any one were entitled to rub noses 
 with majestic royalty while paying a visit to foreign 
 lands, the Brigadier was certainly that fortunate in- 
 dividual. But why Mrs. Daisy, as a stern republican, 
 should ascribe such superlative honor to crowned 
 heads, was to Guy Averall, at least, a mystery. 
 
 On some occasions it seemed as though Lieuten- 
 ant Square took note of this little foible on the part 
 of Mrs. Daisy ; and endeavored to curb it as far as 
 possible, while avoiding at the same time, anything 
 that might seem absolutely offensive. One day, for 
 instance, it was remarked that the Brigadier, who 
 seemed to have been refreshing her mind on the 
 topography of the west end of London, chose to ven- 
 tilate her ideas on the subject. 
 
 " Oh Mr. Square," said she, " I have the greatest 
 possible desire to ask you a few questions in regard 
 to England. I believe Pall Mall is the great centre 
 of the clubs in London, is it not ?" 
 
 " Yes, ma'am," replied Square, " there are quite a 
 number of them there. They frown like so many 
 fortresses on you, in that part of the metropolis." 
 
 " And near the extremity of the street stands 
 Marlborough House, where it is expected that the 
 Prince of Wales will in time reside ; and at some 
 distance farther off is Saint James' Palace, where the 
 good queen usually holds her drawing rooms and 
 levees." 
 
 "I believe you are correct," said Square. 
 
 " I suppose the palace of St. James is a very 
 beautiful structure," said Mrs. Daisy. 
 
 " It did not appear to me to be so," responded 
 
374 Giiy Aver all. 
 
 the officer. '' My recollection of it is, a somewhat 
 clumsy -looking, brick building ; in front of which I 
 once saw the usual guard mounting, at about ii 
 o'clock, in the forenoon of a hot summer day. Still 
 the place, in itself, is certainly anything but romantic." 
 
 " The dear brick palace, before which they 
 mount guard at ii o'clock, how much pleasure it 
 would afford me to see it ! And what a delightful 
 thing a levee or a drawing-room must be ! " 
 
 " It doubtless must, to those who are interested 
 in such matters^" said Square, " for my part, how- 
 ever, I was never much inclined that way. Indeed, 
 I am such a believer in the natural equality of man- 
 kind, that if the fact of a presentation at court 
 would subject me to the charge of toadyism to 
 those who possibly think themselves better than me ; 
 why I, for one, would be the very last person to lay 
 myself open to a charge of that sort. Like Lord 
 Thurlow, I would say it is necessary for the peers to 
 seek me, rather than I the peerage. I consider the 
 upper classes of ^^ngland, nevertheless, a very useful 
 body of men, even in spite of all that." 
 
 " I am glad to hear you talk in that way," said 
 Mrs. Daisy, *' for do you know what, I am frequently 
 annoyed and disgusted, when noticing the manner 
 in which our penny politicians are in the habit of 
 constantly disparaging every one who is not as com- 
 mon-place and vulgar as themselves. I was brought 
 up with certain prejudices, in favor of rank, as I am 
 free to confess. My ancestors, long before the time 
 of the Revolution, were among the best known and 
 most aristocratic people in the city of New York ; 
 indeed, during the time that the Army under Sir 
 
Guy Ave mil. 375 
 
 Henry Clinton occupied that place, its officers were 
 always solicitous to be received at my great-grand- 
 father's house, who usually entertained them in a 
 truly magnificent way," 
 
 "Ah," said Square with a sympathetic sigh, " I 
 understand now the true state of the case. Your 
 great-grandfather was one of those unfortunate 
 Tories I presume." 
 
 " No, I do not wish to be understood as quite 
 conveying that notion," was the reply, "for as far 
 as the Ivories are concerned, I utterly despise them. 
 But something, as you probably are aware, is due to 
 those venerable old associations on which we fondly 
 doat ; and such was the position of my great-grand- 
 father, under the colonial regime, that he could not 
 refuse certain civilities to the representatives of 
 British rule ; although at bottom, I believe, a more 
 sincere or true-hearted patriot than he, probably 
 never existed." 
 
 Here the conversation ended, and the officer 
 kept wondering at the warped ideas of Mrs. Daisy 
 on almost every subject she mentioned. " What a 
 woman this is," said he to himself, " and to how 
 many false criticisms such a person as she is, must 
 subject the better disposed and more sensible ladies 
 of the Army. Yes, yes, take him all in all, man is 
 an exceedingly peverse animal. The good and the 
 bad are both equally open to the gaze of the world; 
 but individuals and communities are almost sure to 
 be judged by their defects, rather than by the pos- 
 session of the opposite qualities. A stranger who 
 should hear the Brigadier talk, would form a very 
 queer opinion of the Twenty-sixth Artillery; yet 
 
376 Guy Aver all. 
 
 surely the great majority of the ladies of the Army 
 are women of genuine merit, and not fools and 
 pretenders like Mrs. Daisy. 
 
 VII. 
 
 Without being very much disconcerted, how- 
 ever, by the oddities of the Brigadier, Lieutenant 
 Square continued to visit Head Quarters now and 
 then as if for the purpose of whiling away his time, 
 and making himself as agreeable as possible to its 
 various inmates. Sometimes he and Mrs. Daisy 
 occupied themselves in playing a game of chess; 
 sometimes Miss Eleanor gave those present a little 
 music on the piano, anon the old Major would recite 
 some of those time-honored legends about the con- 
 duct of the Indians, during the first Florida war, 
 as for instance, how Mr. Bowlegs, on one occasion, 
 professed a great desire of peace, and even persuad- 
 ed General Harney, then stationed on the Caloosa- 
 hatchie, to send away the boats belonging to his 
 command, so as to receive some of the Seminoles on 
 the opposite side of the river ; and while the camp 
 was thus depleted of men, the crafty old savage, who 
 had collected all his braves for the purpose, nmde an 
 attack on the place, and commenced slaughtering 
 the soldiers within his reach, so that Harney only 
 escaped by taking to the swamps, clothed as he was 
 in a pair of old drawers and a night shirt. At Avhich 
 rather ridiculous denouement the Major, although 
 relating the story for the fifteenth time, would 
 laugh most heartily. And to tell the truth, Lieuten- 
 ant Squire was sometimes obliged to laugh quite 
 heartily too, not on account of there having been 
 
Guy Aver all. 377 
 
 anything said that was so very remarkable, but solely 
 on account of the persistency with which the same 
 identical story was repeated. 
 
 A well timed compliment paid now and then to 
 Mrs. Daisy, served to put that lady in excessively 
 good humor, and as a consequence of his politeness, 
 Lieutenant Square had permission to take Miss 
 Eleanor out, whenever he liked, and to chat and 
 ramble with her, not only around the brick covered 
 ramparts of the Fort ; but also in every other place 
 in the vicinity. What words passed between the 
 officer and Miss Davis, on these occasions, we have 
 not the means of telling, but one fact was clearly 
 apparent — they both seemed to enjoy these rambles, 
 and laughed and chatted together, as if in default of 
 more serious occupation. The only possible excep- 
 tion that can be taken to all this was the somewhat 
 unseemly levity on the part of a man like Square ; 
 who, as every one in the Fort well knew, was now 
 bound to propriety by ties of a more than ordinary 
 nature. But here are some extracts from a diary 
 which Miss Eleanor kept at this time ; extracts which 
 may possibly indicate the cause of Lieutenant Square's 
 course ; and show also how far he allowed his natural 
 bonhomie to carry him beyond those boundaries 
 which prudence seemed to prescribe for a person in 
 his circumstances. 
 
 November 21st. A wet, unpleasant morning. 
 The rain kept descending from the sky in a con- 
 tinual pour, a big puddle of water is formed in front 
 of our quarters, while the half dozen chickens which 
 constitute the poultry family, in Major Daisy's estab- 
 lishment, are huddled together, in forlorn looking 
 
37S Guy Averall. 
 
 attitude, under the wood shed. Attended as usual 
 to my customary task — drumming a little French into 
 the head of my worthy cousin. I really now have 
 achieved a success, for after an effort of a couple of 
 years, I have" succeeded in getting him through the 
 forms of the two principal auxiliary verbs, without 
 his committing any very extravagant blunder. In 
 the evening, Mr. Square came round and made a 
 call. Brought a copy of Hazlett's Essays with him, 
 and showed us also a few pencil sketches he had 
 made the day previous. During his visit Mrs. Daisy 
 took occasion to ask what the name of that heathen 
 god, who descended from the celestial abodes in the 
 shape of a golden shower, when Square told her it 
 was Jupiter and gave the story embraced in the 
 legend. I wonder if the officer is supplied with a 
 duplicate of that wonderful present which aunt once 
 made me — I refer, of course, to Lempriere's Classical 
 Dictionary. Still, I admire the thirst for information 
 possessed by my aunt; and only regret that ladies 
 generally do not improve their time in the way she 
 does. 
 
 2 2. Had a stroll with Mr. Square along the 
 beach which extends north and south from the Fort, 
 and which is used as a promenade by most of the 
 people who live on the Island. Rather enjoyed the 
 walk, for the officer rehearsed, in a somewhat amus- 
 ing manner, a number of his West Point experiences; 
 and in particular how his instructor in Cavalry Tac- 
 tics, a certain formidable personage, Major Billings 
 by name, made him ** cut heads " in the riding hall. 
 It seems that the cadets at the Academy are not, at 
 heart, one whit more respectful to their superiors, 
 
Guy Aver all. 379 
 
 than are some of the soldiers in garrison; but the 
 rigid discipline enforced in both places served to 
 keep all within the bounds of decorum. Some of 
 the ballads and songs which I have seen, and which 
 are said to emanate from the young men at that insti- 
 tution, are very amusing in their way; and if col- 
 lected together in a permanent form would make a 
 very interesting compendium. On returning from 
 our rambles the officer was pleased to pay Mrs. Daisy 
 a compliment which the latter evidently took in good 
 part. Finding her out in the garden, with a pair of 
 scissors in her hand, clipping some of the dead 
 leaves off her flowers, Mr. Square remarked that 
 whenever he saw Mrs. Daisy occupied in that way, 
 he always thought of the burden of a popular song, 
 which Avas neither more nor less than " love among 
 the roses." Aunt immediately laughed at this sally, 
 and afterwards told me that, in her opinion, Mr. 
 Square was one of the most polite gentlemen she ever 
 had met in the whole course of her existence. 
 
 25th. While rambling out with my escort this 
 afternoon, the subject of novel reading was intro- 
 duced, and incidentally it was noticed that most 
 words depended on one theme, the passion of love, 
 to give them interest. To which observation I hap- 
 pened to reply, that if love were altogether omitted 
 in a novel, most readers would undoubtedly consider 
 it a very tame production. To this the officer made 
 answer, that talk as we would, love in itself was cer- 
 tainly not a silly theme; its universality indeed 
 proved quite the contrary. What he objected to in 
 most novels was this, that they gave false views of 
 life, and as a consequence they sometimes made 
 
380 Guy Ave rail. 
 
 young people discontented with their present condi- 
 tion. I suppose what was then said is true, although 
 even if I read an occasional novel, I hope I am not 
 discontented with mine. Some fictions, in my 
 opinion, teach a very noble purpose — who is there, 
 for instance, that does not admire the conduct of 
 Jeanie Deans, who cannot be tempted to tell an un- 
 truth, even for the sake of saving the life of her 
 sister. I think there is something truly splendid in 
 this heroism, exhibited as it is by a person in humble 
 life. 
 
 30th. Have made an important discovery. For 
 some reason or other aunt is very much afraid of 
 Captain Triangle of the Topographical Engineers, 
 who has lately been ordered from New York city to 
 this place. This evening she introduced his name, 
 and said she "loved him very much," but at the 
 same time regretted that the " family connection " of 
 Captain Triangle should be so very indifferent. But 
 Lieutenant Square, who was present, chose to take 
 up the cudgels for his friend, and said he never 
 understood that the family connections of Triangle 
 were indifferent; and even supposing such to be the 
 case, he hoped we were sufficiently independent in 
 the Army to value a man for his own sake, rather 
 than for the sake of his relatives. My aunt seeing 
 the tone which the officer chose to adopt, appeared to 
 agree with him perfectly. I wonder, though, what can 
 be the objection of Mrs. Daisy to the antecedents of 
 the person whose name she had mentioned! Can it 
 be possible that Triangle has neglected to pay the 
 wife of the commandant at Fort Moultrie the proper 
 modicum of compliments t Or on the other hand is 
 
Guy Aver all. 381 
 
 she apprehensive that the topographical official 
 should prove somewhat too attentive to this poor and 
 unfortunate me ? 
 
 Dec. 3. This being a rather unpleasant day, and 
 having nothing in particular to do, I sat down and 
 glanced over Madam de Stael's work on Germany. 
 Without professing to be able to give an opinion of 
 the book, as a work of information, I can admire, 
 nevertheless, the genuine love of freedom evinced 
 therein, and can readily conceive how the writer 
 should be hated very cordially by such a despotic 
 tyrant as Napoleon. It is often said by those who 
 sneer at the better half of creation, that woman can- 
 not generalize ; but does not the existence of such a 
 book, as the one I have been reading prove quite the 
 contrary ? And yet, after all, such a woman as 
 Madam de Stael is almost sure to be anything rather 
 than a favorite with persons of her own sex. She 
 was undoubtedly looked on, during her day, as a 
 noisy demonstrative talker ; and as such was con- 
 demned by what was then known as " society." 
 Woman, as a general thing, admire gracefulness, 
 delicacy and a regard for the proprieties of life ; and 
 always account it much safer in their sisters to re- 
 main becoming, and even commonplace, rather than 
 attempt or say anything which has the appearance of 
 being unconventional. 
 
 4th. To-day I heard of a very contemptible act on 
 the part of that elegant little gentleman. Lieutenant 
 Taper, an officer who notwithstanding his dandified 
 ways, I never saw much cause to admire. In spite 
 of his constant bragging about his fine connections, 
 his origin is really very unpretending, although that 
 
382 Guy Aver all. 
 
 circumstance is certainly nothing to be ashamed of, 
 but rather the contrary, and is anything but a reason 
 why he should turn his back on his best friend. 
 Such, however, is reported to be the case, for some 
 time ago, when stationed at West Point, a plain, 
 although a very decent-looking woman, called there, 
 and asked for Lieutenant Taper, and when some per- 
 son enquired who the visitor was, the contemptible 
 little fellow chose to say, " a woman he once boarded 
 with !" Boarded with ! I imagine he did, for the 
 visitor was neither more nor less than his own mother! 
 If Mr. Taper only knew how much he has lessened 
 himself, by this affair, in the estimation of his best 
 friends, he certainly would never have committed 
 this faux pas. But noblesse oblige, I am afraid, in 
 many cases, is a very poor rule of conduct. 
 
 6th. Felt somewhat dispirited to-day, for Hector, 
 somehow or other seemed determined to give me a 
 good deal of trouble. Some time ago, I congratu- 
 lated myself in having him thoroughly grounded in 
 the forms of avoir and etre, but to-day he returned to 
 one of his old errors, and would insist \}s\:x.\.f avals eu 
 signified " I had been." My cousin has curious 
 humors, take him all in all. The other afternoon 
 while I was absent in the city, he amused himself by 
 taking the lock of my trunk to pieces, and scattering 
 the works here and there over the house, so that I 
 had to employ a soldier to put them together once 
 more. Still I must exercise my patience with the boy 
 as well as I can, although at times this is somewhat 
 difficult. Yesterday he informed me that when he 
 grew up he intended to turn pirate — that a pirate 
 had nothing to do but to go aboard a vessel, and 
 
Guy Aver all. 3^3' 
 
 sail on the seas, and capture ships, with rich ladies 
 on them, who would fall in love with him immedi- 
 ately, and this to Hector is the acme of felicity. 
 
 7th. To-day while walking out with Mr. Square, he 
 made a somewhat strange announcement. He said 
 Mrs. Daisy was constantly questioning him about his 
 cousin in New York, and asking when he intended 
 bringing her down to Fort Moultrie; but in spite 
 of aunt's belief to the contrary, he did not know if 
 he should bring his cousin to Fort Moultrie at all. 
 And then, after a pause, he added that if he could 
 fmd some one whom he liked, and who would not 
 feel dissatisfied with the haphazard existence one 
 leads in the Army, he would set up his household 
 gods without delay. I could not take the thing to 
 myself; and consequently felt somewhat at a loss in 
 regard to a reply ; for the observation, which seemed 
 to have a purpose in it, came to me very unexpect- 
 edly. I only know this much, that during the re- 
 maining half hour of our ramble we spoke to each 
 other with less freedom than before ; and as to any 
 attempt at pleasantry, the thing had vanished. As 
 to Lieutenant Square, he undoubtedly has my good 
 will and respect ; for every one acknowledges that a 
 more high-minded and honorable man does not exist 
 in the service. But it would ill become me as a 
 woman, and I trust as a friend, to do or say anything 
 under present circumstances, which would influence 
 his course of action in any way. 
 
 VIII. 
 
 For some time after the events recorded in the 
 the foregoing chapter, the life of the various residents 
 
384 Guy Ava-all. 
 
 at Fort Moultrie glided along without any very great 
 change. But at length a circumstance took place 
 'which seemed to modify the bearing of Lieutenant 
 Square and Miss Davis toward each other. This 
 was the removal of the famous Triangle from Charles- 
 ton Harbor; an event which relieved Mrs. Daisy 
 of a portion, at least, of her fears. Triangle was 
 gone, therefore there was no danger of Mrs. Daisy 
 being deprived of the services of her "assistant," at 
 least for the present. So the preparation for the 
 great European jaunt proceeded as heretofore, and 
 Mrs. Daisy even talked of taking a few lessons from 
 a dancing-master, who gave instructions in the Polo- 
 naise, as a needful requisite for a person whose 
 great aim, at present, was to cut a proper figure 
 among the crowned heads and other dignitaries of 
 the old continent. But at this instant, a strange 
 suspicion entered the mind of the gallant Brigadier, 
 What if Lieutenant Square had some sinister design 
 in showing so much attention as of late was mani- 
 fested to Miss Eleanor.? Was it proper that an 
 officer who was just on the point of getting married, 
 should carry on this unseemly flirtation with any one 
 but \\\s fiancee ! Or again, might not Lieutenant 
 Square also be in want of an "assistant" to his 
 future wife ; and knowing Miss Davis to be a useful 
 personage, might he not have a place for her in this 
 capacity } Yes, yes, that was the clue ; Spruce was 
 to be married before long, and Miss Davis was to be 
 a governess in his family. On reflecting on this 
 subject, Mrs. Daisy became convinced that both 
 Square and Miss Eleanor deserved to be watched. 
 And sure enough, before long the good and amiable 
 
Guy Aver all. 385 
 
 feminine who presided over the affairs of the garrison 
 at Fort Moultrie, saw enough to confirm her worst 
 suspicions. Lieutenant Square and Miss Davis were 
 approaching the Major's quarters that very afternoon ; 
 tlie one looked very grave, and the other was evi- 
 dently urging some matter on the attention of his 
 associate for the time being. This circumstance was 
 enough to determine Mrs. Daisy. So that very same 
 evening the astonished officer was hurried out of 
 Head Quarters, on some flimsy pretext or other, in 
 the same way that Blodgett had formerly been dis- 
 carded, while Miss Davis, for the future, was forbid- 
 den to take any more strolls in the vicinity of the 
 Fort, and in short, was relegated, once more, to her 
 ordinary duties with the noble Hector, as the proper 
 subject of her keeping, 
 
 A few days after this event, spite of Mrs. Daisy's 
 restriction, the Lieutenant and Miss Davis again met, 
 when the former took occasion to denounce the 
 Brigadier in the most unmeasured terms. " With 
 all due respect to your aunt," was his exclamation, 
 " I think her treatment both of you and also of mj- 
 self, is simply outrageous. That woman is nothing 
 more than a coarse overbearing tyrant, and if I were 
 situated the same way Miss Davis now is, I would 
 not submit to her imposition, no not for a single 
 hour." But Miss Eleanor with that feminine regard 
 for the proprieties of life which seemed inherent in 
 her as a woman, simply shook her head as if she had 
 no other alternative than to submit to her aunt's 
 dictation, and then quietly walked home again. 
 
 This conduct, on the part of Miss Davis, served 
 to arouse the indignation of the bard Hogan ; who 
 
3 "6 Guy Aver all. 
 
 of course, heard the whole story, on kitchen authori- 
 ty, almost as soon as it happened, and who could not 
 understand those delicate scruples which prevented 
 Miss Eleanor from acceeding to the Lieutenant's prop- 
 osition, no matter what the nature of this proposition 
 might be. " With all her piano playing accomplish- 
 ments and pretty looks," said the bard, "I humbly 
 give it as my opinion that the girl has no common 
 sense, else she would accede at once to Squares' propo- 
 sal, for the latter is too honorable a man, as every 
 enlisted soldier well knows, to offer anything to Miss 
 Eleanor that the latter could not with safety accept. 
 And yet, forsooth, on account of some whimsical no- 
 tion of her own, the lady cliooses to disregard the offer 
 of a man, who wishes to be her husband. She will 
 never meet with a better protector than Square, no 
 not if she should search the universe." 
 
 "Yes," said his companion, who for the nonce 
 happened to be old Moldwell, "but perhaps Miss 
 Davis does not like to give people occasion to talk — 
 women, you know, are somewhat sensitive in that 
 way." 
 
 " Talk be hanged," was the rejoinder, " why need 
 Miss Eleanor care particularly about what people 
 may say. All she need care about is to get out of 
 old Jezebel's clutches as soon as possible; and pro- 
 vided this is attained, why Mrs. Grundy may talk as 
 much as she pleases." 
 
 " Yes," said Moldwell, " but are there not such 
 things as objections on another score. Supposing 
 that the proposition of Lieutenant Square were a 
 runaway match, or something else that Madam 
 Grundy might not approve, would it be consistent 
 
Guy Aver alii. 387 
 
 with a proper sense of dignity for Miss Eleanor to 
 accept it ?" 
 
 " Dignity be hanged," said the bard, " who in the 
 world should care about dignity when dealing with 
 such a selfish old blood-sucker as the aunt is. No sir, 
 I'll tell you what the final issue of this whole affair 
 will be. The occasion will pass; Lieutenant Square, 
 who is now indignant with the vice-commandant, will 
 suffer his resentment to cool; Miss Eleanor will still 
 adhere to her prim, prudish ways; the officer, no 
 matter how intent on matrimony, just now, will get 
 tired of delay; some new whim will take his fancy; 
 and then as a final result, Miss Eleanor will be 
 obliged to submit once more to her unthankful task- 
 mistress, who will lord it over her supremely from 
 morning to night, and from night to morning, just as 
 long as she lives. Yes sir, that will be the whole end 
 of the business — the whole end of the business." 
 
 IX. 
 
 From the dire catastrophe which Hogan pre- 
 dicted, Miss Eleanor was nevertheless saved by a 
 fortunate event. Some resolute Jenkins or other 
 who was prowling around the city of Charleston for 
 news, accidentally got hold of the fact that Square 
 was reported as about to be married, so availing 
 himself of the circumstance he wrote a very elab- 
 orate account of the bridegroom and bride, sent the 
 letter to the leading journal of fashion, the New 
 York HeralJy where it was duly printed, and in time 
 was read by every officer and enlisted man at the 
 Fort. The article served to throw the old Brigadier 
 completely off her guard, for it distinctly stated that 
 
3S8 Guy At^erall. 
 
 the future Mrs. Square was not only quite wealthy 
 but was also one of the most practical women in the 
 city of New York, and as to this thing of having an 
 "assistant" in the management of her domestic 
 affairs, she utterly spurned the idea. This statement 
 on the part of the correspondent served to satisfy 
 Mrs. Daisy, she saw in an instant that there was not 
 the slightest danger of losing Miss Eleanor through 
 the agency of Square, so she resolved accordingly 
 to dismiss any unjust suspicions that she heretofore 
 had entertained against that officer, and hold out the 
 olive branch the very first time she met him. It was 
 not long before the occasion was presented, for that 
 very afternoon she came across Square, who was 
 strolling out by himself in the vicinity of the Fort. 
 ■'My dear good gentleman," was the exclamation of 
 Mrs. Daisy, almost before the officer had time to re- 
 turn her bow of recognition. " I am so very glad 
 indeed to meet you. But why do you look so dis- 
 consolate .? In love, that is very evident! And how 
 is it that you do not come over and see us now and 
 then at Headquarters } Why both I and the Major 
 will be delighted to see you; and Eleanor, the dear 
 child, who always seems so willing to oblige, will 
 give you a little music whenever you like." And 
 thus, in spite of his protestations, the Lieutenant was 
 installed in favor with Mrs. Daisy once more; and 
 on visiting his old post he had the satisfaction of 
 answering, at large, such quebtions as the amiable 
 Brigadier propounded, and hearing, in addition, that 
 famous story about Mr. Bowlegs and General Har- 
 ney, just as if nothing had happened. 
 
 One day, about three or four weeks after the pre- 
 
Guy Averall. 389 
 
 ceeding events, a party consisting of the officers and 
 ladies belonging to the Fort, were proceeding as 
 usual in an open boat, between the garrison and 
 Charleston ; when Mrs. Daisy who had already ex- 
 hausted the city of London, in her numerous dis- 
 cussions, next resolved to invade the city of Paris. 
 
 " What a superb place, the chateau of the Tuile- 
 ries must be !" exclaimed the lady, as if for the pur- 
 l^ose of eliciting some remark, from some one of the 
 officers then in the boat, 
 
 " Yes, certainly," replied Square who happened 
 to be present. *' Some of the architects, at least, 
 who have been employed on that edifice, have en- 
 joyed considerable reputation. It is a very different 
 building from Saint James' I assure you." 
 
 "And on one side of the Tuileries," continued 
 the Brigadier, " runs that famous Rue de Rivoli, of 
 which we have all heard so much." 
 
 " As usual. Madam, you are perfectly coTrect," 
 responded Square. 
 
 " The dear Rue de Rivoli !" exclaimed Mrs. 
 Daisy. " How I should like to to wander along its 
 arcades, and view the tasteful treasures that are ex- 
 hibited in its magasins and boutiques." 
 
 " That surely would be delightful," said the 
 officer. 
 
 " Then west of the chateau, as I understand it, 
 is situated the garden of the Tuileries ; and beyond 
 it we have the Place de la Concorde ; and after the 
 latter comes the Champs Elysees, the usual place of 
 promenade for the Parisians." 
 
 " Your notion of the situation of those localities 
 is perfectly accurate," rejoined Square. 
 
39° Guy AveralL 
 
 "The dear Champs Elysees!" exclaimed the 
 lady. "What a romance there is in its winding 
 paths ! I already imagine myself mingling among the 
 crowd, who frequent its sequestered shades." 
 
 "Yes, Madam; or perchance you might hear 
 Partant pour la Syrte, in a cafe chantant, although 
 that is not ' aristocratic ' ; or listen to the music at 
 the Concert Musard, which is as fashionable a place 
 as possibly can be desired," 
 
 " The dear Concert Musard ! I hope the time 
 may arrive when I can harken to the ravishing 
 strains which float on its air — that is to say under 
 the favor of the AVar Department, and my own good 
 Tom." 
 
 " I hope so, too, Mrs. Dais}^" said the officer, 
 *' Nothing like trusting in Providence. AVhenever 
 the War Department and Major Daisy prove pro- 
 pitious, I hope those of us who visit Paris may have 
 an agreeable time." 
 
 " I anticipate as much," rejoined the Brigadier. 
 " I have always been predisposed toward French- 
 men, and if I were in the chief city of that country, 
 I should certainly feel assured of much pleasure, if 
 I only had such an excellent guide and instructor as 
 you." 
 
 " Oh Mrs. Daisy !" exclaimed Square. " You 
 are pleased to compliment me. I am somewhat 
 afraid I hardly deserve so much." 
 
 " On the contrary, I cannot imagine anything 
 more delightful than to examine Paris under your 
 auspices," responded the Brigadier. " You have not 
 made your application for a leave yet, I suppose, but 
 I'm sure if you put the thing in proper form, the 
 
Guy Averall. 391 
 
 War Department will be perfectly willing to grant 
 you that indulgence, at the same time Major Daisy 
 is allowed his," 
 
 " And perhaps on the other hand the War De- 
 partment might deny the favor," responded Square. 
 "Oh, no, that is impossible," exclaimed Mrs. 
 Daisy. " Such a highly deserving officer as you, 
 must certainly secure such a trifling favor without a 
 moments delay. But apropos, I have one observation 
 to make in regard to France. I think the Emperor 
 Napoleon a very great man. He seems so success- 
 ful in everything he has undertaken, ever since he 
 ascended the French throne." 
 
 " In a certain way he undoubtedly has succeeded," 
 responded Square. " Under his rule France has 
 remained quiet, and that is saying a great deal ; and 
 in addition he has shown himself to be a person of 
 capacity, as far as the development of the resources 
 of the Empire are concerned, and that is still another 
 point in his favor." 
 
 "I am glad to hear you speak in that way," 
 replied Mrs. Daisy, " for do you know what, I have 
 frequently been annoyed and grieved to notice how 
 some persons attempt to belittle and disparage that 
 dear good Louis trots whenever they speak of him. 
 To me that sort of thing seems pitiful indeed." 
 
 " Yes," responded the other, " but, Mrs. Daisy, let 
 me ask one question. Has not the French Emperor, 
 by his conduct, laid himself liable to these disparag- 
 ing remarks.^ When he was elected President, he 
 had a grand opportunity of showing himself a friend 
 of that constitutional freedom which the best minds 
 of the age recognize as the natural development of 
 
39 2 Guy Aver all. 
 
 this century. But instead of doing so, instead of 
 showing himself to be a Washington or Henry the 
 Fourth, Louis Napoleon, like a true Bonaparte availed 
 himself of the position he held, to gratify his own 
 selfish ends. The circumstances connected with his 
 famous coup d' etat are odious and in fact infamous, 
 and it will be very difficult to convince thinking 
 people, either in Europe or America, that the French 
 Emperor is a far seeing, much less an honest man." 
 
 " I'm sure I know nothing of the matter of which 
 you speak," said Mrs. Daisy, with a distressed look, 
 " I'm sure I know nothing about it at all ; in fact I 
 was never able to look at political economy or that 
 sort of matter, in anything approaching a metaphysi- 
 cal way. Indeed I have nothing but my own heart 
 and affections to guide me, when I think of so exalted 
 a personage as the occupant of a throne. We all 
 know, however, that the French people have never 
 been able to govern themselves, and as a natural 
 consequence have always been obliged to submit to 
 some self-imposed master. That single fact seems 
 to me to be an all-sufficient reason why the Emperor 
 should be supported in his place. In addition to 
 all this, I have, as I remarked before, a very deep 
 affection for that dear child, the Empress, whom I 
 love very much, and I'm sure as a mother myself, I 
 may be allowed to say that 1 hope the young Louis 
 Napoleon, now eighteen months old, may eventually 
 inherit all the power and prerogatives of his sire." 
 
 " Why aunt," exclaimed Miss Davis, who could 
 not help depreciating the insane admiration which 
 her. relative exhibited for persons with hereditary 
 titles, '■ how can you speak in that ridiculous way, 
 
Guy Ave rail. 393 
 
 why one would almost imagine you were not an 
 American at all." 
 
 Now Mrs. Daisy was a truly elegant and aristo- 
 cratic woman ; a little loud, perhaps, in her manners 
 and way of thinking, but such presumptuous inso- 
 lence as was indicated by this speech of Miss Davis, 
 was simply more than she could endure. She ac- 
 cordingly resolved to give the latter a good setting 
 down, and as a necessary preliminary to this business, 
 the gallant Brigadier drew herself up to a command- 
 ing height. 
 
 " Miss Davis," said she, " you entirely forget 
 yourself, I was speaking to Mr. Square, not to you, 
 when you saw fit to interrupt me. Any remark you 
 made, under the circumstances was uncalled for, and 
 entirely out of place, and I have only to beg, that in 
 the future you will confine yourself to such matters 
 as are within the proper sphere of your duty." 
 
 *' I shall endeavor to do so," said Miss Davis, who 
 at the same time bit her lip, lest some unguarded 
 expression should escape her. "I'll strive and ob- 
 serve a discreet silence as long as I possibly can." 
 ***** 
 
 Miss Davis had heretofore been snubbed pretty 
 frequently ; but her aunt unfortunately attempted 
 that manoeuvre a little too often that day ; for before 
 very long a very important event transpired in the 
 quarters occupied by the commandant. That even- 
 ing his amiable spouse was there, arrayed in most 
 resplendent style, while on one side of her stood 
 Hector, the invincible, who wore on this occasion, a 
 truly commanding look. After a while Mr. Square 
 was announced, and Mrs. Daisy, who had been read- 
 
394 ^^y -Overall. 
 
 ing both history and biography that afternoon, chose 
 to dilate on the character of OHver Cromwell as a 
 very extraordinary man ; but heaped the most un- 
 measured abuse, per contra, on that guilty wretch, 
 Voltaire, in consequence of his attacks on such 
 religion as prevailed in France during his time. At 
 this point in the conversation, Lieutenant Square, 
 who still seemed to fill the role of instructor, saw fit 
 to draw a distinction. 
 
 " The character of Voltaire," said he, " has been 
 the subject of frequent debate ; he was doubtless a 
 man of some virtues and of many faults ; and as far 
 as these latter are concerned, I certainly do not care 
 to extenuate them. As to his books, one of them is 
 justly considered a scandal to French literature, 
 while in questions connected with religion he was 
 the very genius of irreverence, and hence the hostili- 
 ty with which his memory has been followed. But 
 on the other hand Voltaire's manliness, love of jus- 
 tice, and hatred of oppression must never be forgotten 
 in the general estimate ; indeed his conduct in such 
 cases as that of the persecuted Protestant, Jean Galas, 
 shows that his notions of right and justice were 
 immensly in advance of some of the ecclesiastical 
 authorities in his country during the age in which he 
 lived." 
 
 Mrs. Daisy received this statement with perfect 
 astonishment; for she never supposed that a word 
 should be spoken by a Christian gentleman, in favor 
 of such a despicable fellow as Voltaire. But at this 
 instant. Miss Davis, who had previously been absent, 
 entered the room, when immediately she was at- 
 tacked by Hector. " I want some cake — I want 
 
Guy Aver all. 395 
 
 some cake. I'll go and rub out my exercise, so that 
 you can't read it, if I don't get some cake." Miss 
 Davis without minding the clamor raised by the 
 prospective candidate for West Point, went over to 
 the piano, opened her music book, and commenced 
 playing one of her usual pieces, with the evident in- 
 tention of -driving away her little annoyance. But 
 the aunt, somehow or other, did not care to condone 
 this apparent neglect of Hector, for hardly had her 
 niece touched the keys, when the Brigadier went 
 over to the instrument, and attempted to shut it 
 down with the customary formula. 
 
 " Don't play that cherished thing; don't play that 
 cherished thing, ' Home, Sweet Home,' Eleanor 
 dear. *You wound my most tender sensibilities 
 whenever you force me to hear it. Mr. Square, you 
 can hardly understand the associations connected 
 with an early hearth from which I have long, long 
 been separated." But hardly had the Brigadier com- 
 menced her oration about her wounded heart, than 
 Square, to whom the words were addressed, jumped 
 from his chair, and going over to the seat which was 
 occupied by Miss Eleanor he quietly said : 
 
 "I can stand this nonsense no longer. Miss 
 Davis, I have had the desire for some time past, to 
 take a moonlight stroll with you. Can I avail my- 
 self of that privilege now ?" 
 
 The denouement was now a surprise to every one 
 present, not excepting the gallant Brigadier herself. 
 Miss Davis glanced at the officer for a moment, as if 
 there had been some previous understanding with 
 him, and then to the astonishment of those looking 
 on, she accepted Mr. Square's invitation, and the 
 two left the room. 
 
396 Guy Avcrall. 
 
 But when she returned and it was formally an- 
 nounced that the two were now engaged to be mar- 
 ried, was there not a pretty fracas! In the first 
 place Mrs. Daisy seemed greatly shocked at what 
 she designated this sudden resolution ; and then she 
 enquired if the officer had not compromised his own 
 cousin in a very unseemly way ? To this the answer 
 M'as given that Square had not compromised his 
 cousin at all; that nothing but mere civilities, such 
 as are coip.mon between relatives, had passed be- 
 tween himself and Miss Madison; that he had once 
 stated to Mrs. Daisy she must not trust Madam 
 Rumor in these matters ; and, in short, that a pre- 
 vious engagement having existed between himself, 
 and any person living in New York, was all assump- 
 tion on Mrs. Daisy's part. 
 
 "And so the gentleman has availed himself of 
 my misinformation, in order to worm himself into 
 this family and deprive me of the legitimate prop on 
 which I depend during my declining years!" 
 
 " I do not know'that I have been guilty of any 
 social or moral impropriety," said Square, " in pay- 
 ing my addresses to Miss Davis in the way I have 
 done." 
 
 "And must I wander alone and unattended 
 through that beautiful Paree, with no one but the 
 child Hector by my side ?" 
 
 " Why you'll have bee Sophia," said Major Daisy, 
 who now deemed it proper and right to speak up. 
 "I'll act as your escort through Paree, as you call 
 it. As long as you have bee, you need not care for 
 any one else." And here the Major indulged in a 
 sly little laugh, and then added, " But couldn't you 
 
Guy Ave rail. 397 
 
 see all along, for the last three or four months at the 
 least, that the fellow was after Eleanor ?" 
 
 " I could see nothing of the kind, Major Daisy," 
 was the appropriate reply, "the man has completely 
 deceived me, and having said this much, I wish you 
 to remain perfectly quiet, till I have finally disposed 
 of this case. In the first place I wish to inform my- 
 self, before going any further, respecting this double 
 dealing and want of candor on the part of Mr. 
 Square." 
 
 "Eut aunt," replied Miss Eleanor, "Mr. Square 
 says he forewarned you, long ago, when we were sta- 
 tioned on Governor's Island, not to place too much 
 reliance on current rumors; and even intimated that 
 he and his cousin might not be engaged after all." 
 
 "If that be the case," said the Brigadier," the 
 man has wilfully deceived me, and I have only a 
 few words more to say, and these words are expres- 
 sive of my opinion of Mr. Square. That subaltern 
 is a clown, an ape, a monster, an intruder into an 
 innocent household, a person in whom no confidence 
 should be placed, a boastful hypocrite, an officer 
 unworthy of the position he holds, an arrogant pre- 
 tender, a man that has not a drop of aristocratic 
 blood in his veins, a low born pest, a peeping 
 scoundrel — yes and worse than all that, since he has 
 chosen on one or two occasions, while in my pres- 
 ence, to make light of those feelings of reverence and 
 devotion which we all possess ; and has even gone 
 so far as to laud an unhallowed infidel like Voltaire ; 
 I hereby pronounce Mr. Square to be a person of an 
 unbelieving and sceptical turn of mind, one that has 
 not a particle of true religion in his heart, and is 
 
39 3 Guy Aucrall. 
 
 utterly destitute of the grace and charity of a Christ- 
 ian ! I pity you, Eleanor Davis, I pity you from the 
 very bottom of my heart, there is nothing in this 
 world but misery in store for you." 
 
A CHANGE OF QUARTERS. 
 
 I. 
 
 After a while orders came for the Twenty-sixth 
 Artillery to pack up their effects, and proceed to one 
 of the stations on the Northern Lakes, which was 
 then known by the name of Fort Pleasanton. This 
 shifting of quarters was attended with one or two 
 changes. In the first place the gallant Brigadier, 
 having been made the actual recipient of that legacy 
 to which she was entitled, on the settlement of her 
 uncle's estate, was now enabled to indulge in her 
 peregrinating proclivities ; and accordingly Major 
 Daisy, Mrs Daisy, and the young Hector Daisy, all 
 set-out on their travels. What places they visited 
 and what fine acquaintances they made, while abroad, 
 becomes us not to say ; meanwhile Captain Square, 
 now promoted to this rank, and Miss Davis had been 
 married ; and under their auspices that particular 
 organization, in which Guy Averall had been serving, 
 really enjoyed a very considerable portion of peace 
 and quietness. Moldwell, who showed himself to be 
 a sensible and well-conducted man, was still retained 
 as ist Sergeant of Company " E," and under the 
 wise and beneficent management of the officer in 
 charge, the cause of good morals and correct prin- 
 ciples still continued to flourish. Drills were kept 
 up at regular intervals ; non-commissioned officers 
 were selected for their attention to duty, rather than 
 26 399 
 
400 Gtiy Aver all. 
 
 for their bullying demeanor and pl\ysical strength ; 
 while rowdyism and ruffianism, in all their forms, 
 were completely discouraged. In addition to all 
 this, Captain Square was able to devise means of 
 instruction and of amusement for his men. A garden 
 for the. use of the post Avas cultivated; books for a 
 library were purchased ; a reading room with periodi- 
 cals in it was opened ; and to crown all a Thespian 
 society was organized ; which after a while favored 
 the residents of Fort Pleasanton, with those well 
 known and highly venerated pieces " Box and Cox," 
 " The Loan of a Lover," " Slasher and Crasher," and 
 other performances of a similar character. In these 
 dramatic performances, it deserves to be noted that 
 Guy Averall himself took part, and on one occasion 
 had the honor of acting Mr. Box, and on another 
 " old Swizell " in the " Loan of a Lover," in both of 
 which roles he endeavored, as in duty bound, to 
 acquit himself with decent credit. At any rate this 
 dramatic club was noted a great success by those 
 who took part in it; and if the outside spectators 
 were disposed, now and then to be critical, why no 
 one, I'm sure, will deny them that privilege. 
 
 But the greatest change which took place in re- 
 gard to Company " E," at this time, consisted in the 
 remodelling of the female department. When the 
 good Mrs. Daisy took her departure for Europe, she 
 seemed perfectly willing to throw the veil of oblivion 
 over the past ; and provided Mrs. Square were will- 
 ing to give her a little assistance, in regard to Hector, 
 she saw no reason why the latter lady should not 
 accompany her. But as Square himself objected to 
 this arrangement, it followed as a necessary conse- 
 
Guy Aver all. 401 
 
 quence that Mrs. Daisy had to exist as best she could, 
 while abroad ; and that young Hector had to look 
 out for himself without cousin Eleanor's assistance. 
 This was an undoubted hardship, especially when it 
 is recollected that the Brigadier had never been 
 obliged heretofore to endure any annoyance of this 
 sort. Still, she saw fit to submit to the new arrange- 
 ment of affairs, Avith as good a grace as possible, and 
 even seemed disposed occasionally to take no small 
 amount of credit to herself for doing so. 
 
 In the meantime what can be recorded of the 
 demeanor of Mrs. Square, now that she was installed 
 in the place formerly occupied by her aunt ni the 
 Regiment ? Briefly then, let us say that she con- 
 ducted herself like a plain sensible woman, and we 
 do not know that we can bestow on her any higher 
 encomium than that. If we attempted to praise her 
 the thing would have to be done by negatives. She 
 did not boast of her high ancestry ; she did not call 
 the enlisted men her " dear children," and worry 
 the very life out of them, at the same time, by her 
 nonsensical tasks ; the amount of personal service 
 which she required from these latter was very small 
 indeed ; and as to this thing of throwing her arms 
 round a young officer, and kissing him in public, in 
 the way her aunt occasionally did, why Mrs. Square 
 would as soon have attempted to fly. And yet in 
 spite of these negative traits, both officers and soldiers 
 were willing to vote their Captain's wife a genuine 
 lady, and as such were disposed to show their fealty 
 and allegiance to her by every means in their power. 
 And in this connection we have only one question to 
 ask — does not a good and noble woman make her 
 
402 Guy AveralL 
 
 influence felt in a thousand ways ? Is there not an 
 instinctive reverence for her, in the breast of every 
 man whatever may be his rank or condition ? And 
 on the other hand, how often has rudeness been 
 shamed and lawlessness put to flight by the appear- 
 ance of a high-minded and sensible woman among 
 those, who on ordinary occasions, pay very little 
 attention to legitimate restraints ? And no one, we 
 are sure, more truly admired Mrs. Square, and re- 
 joiced in her present happiness to a greater extent 
 then did our old friend Guy Averall. 
 
 II. 
 
 One feature in the mental improvement of the 
 subject of this narrative at this time is worthy of 
 record. During the winter months, such personages 
 as were good men and true, among the soldiers of 
 Company " E, " of the Twenty-sixth Artillery, would 
 frequently assemble in the room occupied by the first 
 Sergeant, where the books belonging to the library 
 were kept; and during these assemblages many ex- 
 cellent conversations took place, the subject being 
 generally suggested by some event of current inter- 
 est, some incident in the life of this or that speaker, 
 or possibly the ideas that were presented in some 
 volume which a member of the party Jiad been read- 
 ing. And here, without more ceremony, we beg to 
 present an outline of the talk which took place at 
 one of these meetings, as evidence of the character 
 and mode of thinking of soldiers; those taking part 
 in it being our old friends Sergeant Moldwell, and 
 Privates Petersen, Hogan and Averall. The former 
 speaks : 
 
Guy AveralL 403 
 
 Moldwcll. A cold Canadian evening, is it not. 
 The wind has lately shifted round to the northeast, 
 with the promise of a couple of feet of snow, on the 
 ground, before morning. We need hardly expect a 
 mail at this gait of going, for the next week or ten 
 days, now that the Lake is frozen over. 
 
 Hogan. True, yet de'el take it — the fewer official 
 letters I get, the fewer of them I'll have to answer. 
 Beside which, "^vith good quarters, and this rousing 
 log fire before us, we need only cogitate on the doc- 
 trine of the Pythagoreans — that beans contain the 
 soul of the world. % 
 
 Moldwell. You are right, man — you are right. 
 Beans, as you say, are very good food — when used 
 discreetly. On such an occasion as this, neverthe- 
 less, I often think of the verse of Burns, which 
 serves to describe the outside scene : 
 
 When biting Boreas, fell and doure, 
 Sharp shivers through the leafless bower. 
 When Phuubus gives a short lived glower 
 
 Far south the lift ; 
 Dim, darkhng through the flaky shower 
 
 Or whirling drift. 
 
 Is it not a good thing though, that we have these 
 books and that theatre to amuse us, else we might 
 grumble, perchance, at these bleak winds and incle- 
 ment skies, I have heard it said that the Icelanders 
 amuse themselves, during such weather as this, by 
 reciting their long songs and sagas; so it is to the 
 inclemency of their skies that we owe the preserva- 
 tion of their literature. By the way, I fancy that 
 last piece of ours, at the theatre, was quite a success; 
 at least the audience, then present^ seemed to be as 
 
404 Guy Ave rail. 
 
 well satisfied as usual, and as long as they don't 
 complain, I'm sure we have no reason to find fault 
 with them. 
 
 Petersen. Admirable, admirable, indeed. And 
 that song, Hogan, which you gave us about " the 
 widow McFegg, and her leg, which was washed and 
 hung up on a peg, by a keg," was indeed an ad- 
 mirable thing. But confound it — I always seem to 
 be in bad luck. I never atterripted anything in the 
 way of acting, but something or other is sure to go 
 amiss. 
 
 Zr<9^««. Amiss! my dear fellow. Why amidst 
 the bustle and confusion of the stage, there is no one 
 in the audience who notices your mistakes. You are 
 the best actor in the whole company, as every person 
 of sense will immediately allow. 
 
 Petersen. Yes, but on the very last occasion, 
 when we appeared in public, I was sent into a garden 
 to climb an apple-tree, in order to secure some of 
 the fruit growing thereon. As Jimmy Twitcher, in 
 the Golden Farmer, I performed the part to perfec- 
 tion ; got hold of the plunder, and was on the point 
 of descending the tree, when, on a sudden, the branch 
 on which I was walking gave way, my posterior was 
 caught on a twig in descending, my unmentionables 
 were rent in twain, exposing my naked pedestals to 
 the audience ; and to crown all, the bottle of medi- 
 cine which I had previously stolen, was smashed in 
 the descent, and the cussed liquor came trickling 
 down my legs, just as if I had been immersed in a 
 shower-bath. To say the least, the situation was 
 not a pleasant one, especially as the male portion of 
 the audience chose to set up a roar at that instant, 
 
Guy Ave rail. 4o5 
 
 while the ladies held down their heads and pretended 
 not to see anything. I am not one of your sensitive 
 persons, who are easily embarrassed, but I did not 
 feel quite at home, on the stage, at that instant, I 
 assure you. 
 
 Hogan. No matter man, no matter man, ^ you 
 did the whole thing admirably. There is not a single 
 person in the company who could act that piece any 
 better than you. We intend having a five act comedy 
 before long, the " Poor Gentleman," for instance, and 
 you shall have the character of Doctor Ollapod in 
 it, " at your very good service." 
 
 Petersen. Bravo! bravo! hurrah for the Fort 
 Pleasanton Dramatic Club, of which we are all 
 accredited members. And Hogan, you can give us 
 the " Groves of Blarney " as an interlude, in your 
 usual style, to which we all will be attentive listeners." 
 Averall. Is it not singular, as many pieces as we 
 have played, that they are all of one pitch, either 
 broad farce or low comedy. I have been reading 
 Shakespeare of late, portions of which I have gone 
 over twice. I like his plays immensely, I consider 
 the perusal of them an epoch of my life. Cannot 
 we have one or two of them on the stage, Hamlet or 
 Othello, for instance, just by way of variety ? 
 
 Moldwell. I admire your pluck, Averall, but as 
 to this acting of the plays you mention, the thing is 
 more easily said than done. Shakespeare is a genius 
 by himself, as different from other dramatists, as the 
 sun in his splendor above our heads, differs from the 
 brightest star that may shine in the firmanent. In 
 brief then, we cannot obtain actors who will do 
 justice to the prominent characters in Shakespeare's 
 
4o6 Guy Averall. 
 
 works. Your would be histrionic can spout Metam- 
 ora, or saw tlie air as Spartacus ; but when he is 
 required to define Hamlet, for instance, with his 
 thought, his sense of calumity, and his Avayward 
 irresolution, the speech of the would-be Roscius fails 
 him, his face will not convey the impression which 
 Shakespeare evidently intended ; he is by turns either 
 weak or bombastic, and the consequence is that those 
 who have read Shakespeare in the solitude of the 
 closet, turn away with infinite disappointment and 
 disgust, and vow they will not go to hear that author 
 murdered anymore. Such, at least, has been my 
 experience on all these occasions ; and many there 
 are, beside myself, who will tell the same story in 
 regard to the living theatre. It is the old battle be- 
 tween the ideal and real. The latter, however near 
 it may approach, can never equal our notion of the 
 former. 
 
 Petersen. Which of the plays of Shakespeare do 
 you admire the most ? 
 
 Mohhvell. A somewhat difficult question to 
 answer, although as complete works of art, I have 
 heard the palm given to Macbeth or Othello. Any of 
 them, however, contain food enough for reflection, 
 
 Hogan. You are right sir, you are right, and if 
 at any time, I have under my charge, an all prevail- 
 ing genius who is resolved to woo the muse Mel- 
 ponene, I will explain to him the correct principles 
 on which a tragedy should be written. But here I 
 have discovered something, which occurs in a drama, 
 not written by Shakespeare, and which I should like 
 to repeat to our lady Glumdalclitch, who seems to be 
 always doating on those dear foreign potentates, of 
 whom she so frequently speaks. 
 
Guy Ave rail. 4^7 
 
 I 
 There was a king, right stately, 
 
 Who had a great big flea, 
 And loved him very greatly. 
 
 As if his own son wefe he. 
 He called the knight of stitches. 
 
 The tailor came straightway, 
 " Ho ! measure the youngster for breeches 
 
 And make him a coat to-day." 
 
 2 
 
 In silk and velvet splendid 
 
 The creature no\y was dressed. 
 To his coat were ribbons appended ; 
 
 A cross was on his breast ; 
 He had a great star on his shoulder ; 
 
 Was a minister, in short ; 
 And his relatives, greater and smaller, 
 
 Became fine people at court. 
 
 3. 
 
 The lords and ladies of honor, 
 
 Fared worse than if they were hung. 
 The queen, she got them upon her. 
 
 And all were bitten and stung. 
 And did not dare to attack them 
 
 Nor scratch, but let them stick ; 
 We choke them, and vte crack them. 
 
 The moment we feel one prick. 
 
 Hurrah! for the Baron Von Goethe! Best thing, 
 I'm sure, that he ever wrote." 
 
 Petersen {who rises to his feet with an astonished 
 look). Private Hogan, I'm somewhat afraid you 
 have forgotten yourself. The great Goethe, the im- 
 mortal Goethe, if you please. 
 
 Hogan. Please allow me to explain. I do not 
 utter a word of disparagement against that divine 
 
4o8 Guy Averall. 
 
 writer, and even if I did, the attempt would be 
 simply ridiculous, on my part, but this I perceive, 
 that there are a number of readers, both in England 
 and America, who express the most unbounded ad- 
 miration for the German, and some there are who 
 are ready to laud every thing that he has written, 
 both good and bad, as if it all were supremely ex- 
 quisite. Now that to me savors of affectation, and 
 against affectation, of all sort, I am the sworn foe. 
 To illustrate what I mean, it may be mentioned, that 
 a few days ago, while looking over a very respectable 
 periodical, published in the city of Boston, I noticed 
 an article on Wilhelm Meister, in which that work is 
 praised to the skies, and in proof of this admiration, 
 it is stated, by the author, that he has read the pro- 
 duction of Goethe " three several times in succes- 
 sion," in order to discover its true intent, meaning 
 and purpose. Now in the first place, let me observe, 
 that a literary composition which requires to be read 
 over and over again, in order to be understood, can- 
 not by any possibility be a well written book; and, 
 taking the critic oA his own grounds, Wilhelm Meis- 
 ter is certainly deficient in one prime excellence, I 
 mean, clearness of purpose. ^ In spite of this warn- 
 ing, I nevertheless did attack the volume on the 
 recommendation of my New England friend, and 
 speaking as a barbarian, I must certainly say I was 
 greatly disappointed in it. In no way does the pro- 
 duction correspond with our notions of an English 
 novel. The discussions in it are heavy, the plot is 
 loosely constructed, the story is by no means inter- 
 esting, and there is a certain grossness in nearly 
 every one of the characters presented, which to my 
 
Guy Aver all. 409 
 
 mind is perfectly astonishing. No wonder Lord 
 Jeffrey condemns it. And yet our learned critic can 
 say that this production of the great Goethe is simply 
 unapproachable! A truce, I say, to such paltry and 
 barefaced balderdash as this. 
 
 Moldwell. And yet, it must be recollected that 
 Goethe has a whole nation at his back; for the Ger-. 
 mans, one and all, seem to consider this Wilhelm 
 Meister as a veritable chef d'oeuvre. 
 
 Hogan. And I, for one, do not find fault with 
 them if they discover beauties in the book, which I, 
 as a stranger, am not permitted to see. But when 
 I notice the extensive worship of every thing Teu- 
 tonic, which now prevails, I am always tempted to 
 think of one of Hans Andersen's tales. 
 
 Moldwell. Which one do you mean ? 
 
 Hogan. That one about the rogues and the cloth 
 of gold, which according to the version I read, runs 
 in this way. On one occasion, it is recorded, a 
 couple of rogues came into a capital city, set up a 
 loom, and declared they would commence immedi- 
 ately to weave a web of gold. " But," said they, 
 " the web is of so extraordinary a texture, that any 
 person who may be unqualified for the office he 
 holds, cannot see anything but a piece of common 
 cloth in the same." 'A few days after they had com- 
 menced operations, the King of the country, hear- 
 ing of their skill, thought he would pay a visit to the 
 strangers, and going into the house where they were, 
 and looking at their Avarp and weft, he really thought 
 the piece was nothing more than a web of ordinary 
 cloth. But being afraid, at the same time, that any 
 one would suspect him as unfit for his office, he in- 
 
410 Gtiy Aver all. 
 
 stantly exclaimed " what a beautiful web of gold ! 
 What a beautiful web of gold !" And then, in order 
 to impress himself properly on the weavers, he handed 
 them a valuable gift, and took his departure. The 
 next day the chief vizier came on a similar errand, 
 and although he likewise could see nothing extra- 
 ordinary in the web, yet rather than have it sup- 
 posed he was unfit for the place he held, he deemed 
 it prudent also to exclaim ** what a beautiful web of 
 gold ! What a beautiful web of gold !" And then 
 he gave his present, in like manner, to the rogues, 
 and away he started. In the same way, each official 
 in the city paid his visit, and offered his gift, while 
 in the mean time the two rascals were secretly laugh- 
 ing in their sleeves, at the way they had cheated these 
 mighty potentates At length a common fool was 
 brought in to see the wondrous web; but instead of 
 praising it, as was expected, this individual observed 
 that there was nothing remarkable in the cloth, as 
 far as he could see, and as to the gold which was 
 said to be there, he could not notice a particle of 
 that metal in its composition. " If that be your 
 opinion," said the weavers, " we are resolved to de- 
 camp as soon as possible, for depend on it, as soon 
 as it is suspected that fools speak the truth, the king 
 himself will discover we are nothing but cheats, and 
 it wont be long till we have to suffer, either from the 
 bowstring or bastinado." Now to my mind some of 
 our book critics, when they write for periodicals, 
 resemble the officials in this tale — in short, they are 
 afraid of saying a word against such a writer as 
 Goethe, lest they should be suspected as unfit for 
 their office. 
 
Guy Ave rail. 411 
 
 Moldwell. A vera guide story — a vera guide story, 
 and I think I understand the application. You mean 
 to say that the German's volume is not a great vol- 
 ume, in the best sense of the word, nor his hero, 
 Wilhelm, a great man, and that in all essential re- 
 spects, any soldier now sitting in this room, who 
 would write a true account of his mental development, 
 from the time he commenced reading, Con Cregan 
 for instance, to the present time, would give a much 
 more worthy exhibit, take it all in all, than the great 
 privy-councilor has left us. Well, sir, for the honor 
 of the Twenty-sixth Artillery the point will not be 
 disputed — the point will not be disputed, and this 
 much I will say by way of explanation respecting 
 Wilhelm's shortcomings, that at the time Goethe 
 wrote, the social condition of Germany was such that 
 any person in it, less than a baron was never thought 
 of ; and even at the present time we cannot expect 
 much elevation of sentiment in a country where rank 
 is everything, and the personal pride of the plebeian 
 is almost unknown. Yet after all deductions are 
 made, we nevertheless must acknowledge that the 
 German is indeed a giant in literature. Who is 
 there, for instance, that has looked over a translation 
 of his great work Faust, that has not been impressed 
 with the power evinced in that poem. As an exam- 
 ple of this I cannot help quoting the lines addressed 
 to Margaret herself. 
 
 Who dare express him. 
 And who profess him, 
 Saying, I believe in him ! 
 Who feeling, seeing, 
 Deny his being 
 
412 Guy Aver all. 
 
 Saying, I believe him not ! 
 The all unfolding 
 Folds, and upholds he not 
 Me, Thee, H imself 
 * * * * 
 
 Vast as it is, fill with that love thy heart, 
 And when thou in the feeling blessed art, 
 Call it Bliss, Heart, Love, God, 
 I have no name to give it ! 
 
 Petersen. These are wonderful lines indeed ; 
 and expressive of the thoughts of a great mind on 
 a great theme. But hark ! there is the first call for 
 tattoo, and we must now separate. This evening 
 we have discussed the drama and Goethe; to-mor- 
 row we will take up some other matter as a proper 
 subject for our cogitations. In this same room, 
 then, we will have another social meeting. 
 
 ***** 
 
 Such is a sample of the discourses which were 
 held, at this time, among the enlisted men of Com- 
 pany " E," Twenty-sixth Artillery. Is it any wonder 
 that under such influences and auspices as these, 
 the mind of Guy AVerall should be constantly and 
 gradually improving 1 
 
 III. 
 
 The reader who has followed the thread of this 
 narrative thus far, will probably enquire what be- 
 came of Ryan and Lawless, the offenders in the case 
 of the unfortunate Corporal Sullivan. The state- 
 ment in this matter is but a brief one, but may serve 
 to illustrate the beautiful uncertainty of the law. 
 After remaining in the county jail at Jonesville, till 
 the assembly of the circuit court, an application was 
 
Guy Ave rail. 413 
 
 made for a change of venue, on the ground that an 
 unprejudiced jury could not be assembled in the 
 place where Sullivan was killed, and this application 
 the court saw proper to grant. The trial, by one 
 expedient or another, was put off for a year ; and 
 when it actually did take place, the jury did not see 
 fit to convict the accused of a criminal act, A 
 powerful argument was made in the case by the 
 prosecuting attorney, who insisted that all the cir- 
 cumstances of the transaction pointed to the fact 
 that Sullivan was the victim of a conspiracy on the 
 part of Ryan and Lawless. In particular, he argued 
 that if anything approaching to fair play had existed 
 when they met for the purpose of settling their dis- 
 pute, that Ryan would certainly have borne some 
 marks of the resistance of Sullivan in the encounter. 
 The contrary, however, was the case; Sullivan had 
 been cut and gashed, in the most horrible manner, 
 while the body of his opponent did not afford evi- 
 dence of a single scar. But it was all to no purpose, 
 the jury held to the opinion that as Sullivan had 
 accepted a challenge to fight, the party who gave it 
 was relieved from all responsibility as to the result, 
 and as a consequence, the prisoners were entitled to 
 their freedom. Both Ryan and Lawless had how- 
 ever been previously discharged from the United 
 States service, by order of the War Department, and 
 hence it followed that neither of these worthies, who 
 had long been the pests of Company "E," ever 
 afterwards joined that organization. What became 
 of them finally was not known ; but a report was 
 circulated at one time, that Ryan was killed in a 
 street quarrel in New Orleans ; and that Lawless, 
 
414 Guy Aver all. 
 
 finally met with the fate he justly deserved, at a 
 small town in the interior of Texas. But whether 
 this was really so or not, we have no means of de- 
 termining, we merely repeat the rumor for what it is 
 worth, as the last intelligence ever received concern- 
 ing the good Mrs. Daisy's " dear children." As to 
 the unfortunate Kitty Traynor, her history may be 
 dispatched in a few words. Shortly after the arrival 
 of the Twenty-sixth Artillery at Fort Pleasanton, 
 she somehow or other found her way to that station, 
 and then entered the service of Mrs. Square, who 
 treated her with every possible consideration. In 
 the course of a couple of years she was married to 
 Petersen, and made him a very good wife. But her 
 old laughter-loving spirit had somehow disappeared ; 
 the murder of her first husband had evidently made 
 an impression on her which could not be eradicated. 
 Meanwhile, it affords us much pleasure to state 
 that the good Mrs. Daisy had a perfect feast of 
 delight while abroad ; and the following letter, which 
 was written by her, while visiting the city of Paris, 
 will explain her feelings on this occasion in a more 
 graphic Avay, than could possibly be done by any 
 words which we might offer. 
 
 Hotel de L' Imperatrice, 
 
 Rue de Rivoli, Jutie. 23^, 18 — 
 My Dear Friend : 
 
 Here we are in this delicious city of Paris, sur- 
 rounded by all the elegance and pleasure that the 
 world can possibly contain, and enjoying ourselves 
 in a way that is perfectly delightful. I have visited 
 the Louvre, I have promenaded in the garden of the 
 
Guy Aver all. 415 
 
 Luxenbourg, I have traversed the Place de la 
 Concorde, and have inspected the interior of the 
 Cathedral church of Notre Dame, and find the topo- 
 graphical situation of these places to be just as I 
 had already depicted them. My own good Tom 
 has accompanied me in these excursions, back and 
 forward through the city ; and although by no means 
 enthusiastic as regards la belle France, I have yet 
 found him to be a very useful guide and cicerone on 
 all occasions. I attended the opera, the night before 
 last, and saw the Empress there, and can assure you 
 that the reports we have in America, concerning her, 
 do not begin to do her justice. In my opinion, she 
 is really one of the most beautiful and charming 
 women that the world has ever seen ; and if that 
 churub of a son of hers, in whom I take such a 
 profound interest, is only her counterpart, he must 
 be a perfect angel in himself, and the glory also of 
 his father. The Empress on the occasion referred 
 to, sat quite near to me — indeed the box which she 
 occupied was in the same tier as that in which I was 
 placed, so that I had a very good opportunity of 
 observing her, which I did in as quiet and un- 
 obtrusive a manner as I possibly could. I believe it 
 is not considered etiquette to stare at august person- 
 ages in Europe, through a lorgnette ; I consequently 
 was obliged to be somewhat discreet in the use of 
 my glass. I however paid particular attention to the 
 toilette of her Imperial Majesty, which I am enabled 
 to describe in full. This consisted of a dress of 
 white moire antique, trimmed with point lace, berthe 
 and manchettes, looped with clusters of pale pink 
 
 roses, and a wreath of the same flower in her hair. 
 27 
 
41 6 Guy Aver all. 
 
 The effect of the whole, I assure you, was perfectly- 
 elegant; and I am determined to provide myself 
 with a similar outfit in as short a time as possible. 
 To-morrow I will visit Worth, and the day after I 
 am to be honored by a presentation at the Tuileries. 
 
 As to that good man, the Emperor, he accom- 
 panied his wife, and was received with much applause 
 when he entered the box. Yesterday, I was fortu- 
 nate enough to again catch a glimpse of him while 
 crossing the Place de la Concorde. He was riding 
 in a carriage, drawn by four glossy black horses, and 
 preceded by a couple of officers, dressed in very ele- 
 gant uniform. The Emperor bowed repeatedly to 
 the crowd, as the carriage rolled past. This I con- 
 sider a mark of gracious manners on his part; and 
 shows at a glance that his Imperial Majesty most 
 thoroughly understand the wants and wishes of the 
 French people. Next Tuesday, being a holiday, the 
 family are to hear mass at the Church of Saint Roch, 
 which is on the Rue Saint Honore, at a short dis- 
 tance from the Tuileries. Of course I intend to be 
 there, for to worship'under the same roof, Avith such 
 exalted company, is a privilege of too high a char- 
 acter to be wilfully neglected. 
 
 As to the inferior order of French people, I like 
 them ever so much, they seem so polite — indeed I 
 have noticed that your genuine Parisian takes off his 
 hat to every lady of his acquaintance whom he meets, 
 without regard to her dress, and I have been told, 
 without regard to her character also. As far as I 
 have been able to observe the chief occupation of a 
 Frenchman is to amuse himself, and certainly this 
 city of Paris, affords him every opportunity of doing 
 
Guy Aver all. 417 
 
 so. Seated by the side of his little table, watching 
 the crowd that hurries past him on the boulevards, 
 glancing perchance on the columns of the Siecle or 
 Moniteur, how happy and contented the ordinary 
 Frenchman seems! Then he has the theatre, the 
 opera, the Musee de Cluny, which contains such a 
 vast collection of objects from the most distant 
 ages, the Louvre with its array of paintings, and the 
 circus inside the Champs Elysees, where the most 
 skillful riding and tumbling is exhibited for the ben- 
 efit of the crowd. Quelle belle ville que Paris — for 
 myself I live in a perfect whirl of delight. As to 
 that famous Jardiii Mabille, of which so many ridic- 
 ulous stories have been told, I can only say I visited 
 the place, in company with my own good Tom, and 
 I can assure you found nothing but perfect pro- 
 priety there. 
 
 This city of Paris, as I find *by my own experi- 
 ence, affords an excellent opportunity of observing 
 the customs of foreign nations; for in truth there 
 are representatives of almost every country in the 
 world to be found here. At the hotel where I am at 
 present quartered, a Russian prince is said to be 
 among the guests. He is a singular looking man, 
 with a black moustache and a bald head. He always 
 dines by himself, and the day before yesterday, I 
 was creditably informed, that he had a live ox slaugh- 
 tered for his especial benefit in the kitchen belong- 
 ing to the establishment. I consider this very 
 singular, although Tom, I am sorry to say, does not 
 take one particle of interest in these charming httle 
 eccentricities. Mais je vive en espoir, I still have 
 hopes that my own good husband, whom I love so 
 
4i8 Gziy Ave rail. 
 
 very much, will yet be cured of a portion of his sav- 
 agery, and then he will simply be to me — the best 
 and dearest man that ever existed. 
 
 Your affectionate friend, 
 
 Sophia Daisy. 
 
 IV. 
 Time wore on, and at length the enlistment in 
 the case of Private Averall expired. He received 
 his discharge from the service of the United States, 
 with the word "unexceptionable," written in the 
 space appropriated to the character which is given 
 to the soldier, Averall was rather gratified at re- 
 ceiving this word of commendation from Captain 
 Square; although, to tell the truth, he hardly thought 
 he deserved the encomium on all occasions, for where 
 is the soldier, living or dead, who has not been 
 guilty, now and then, of his little sins of omission 
 and commission. As his commanding officer never- 
 theless chose to say this much in his favor, Guy 
 Averall did not object. He received his final docu- 
 ments with thanks, and after bidding adieu to his old 
 comrades, and singing " Auld lang syne" in a select 
 company consisting of Petersen, Moldwell and Ho- 
 gan, the enterprising hero of this narrative prepared 
 himself once more to take his chance of citizen life. 
 But the attempt was not a thing of long duration 
 
 for— 
 
 The lad that to roaming is early inclined, 
 To stick to one duty is never resigned. 
 And to give a young gentleman right education 
 The Army's the only good school in the nation. 
 
 To tell the honest truth, Guy Averall, after five 
 
Guy Aver all. 419 
 
 years' continued service in the ranks, found himself 
 somewhat out of place among civilians, and as a 
 natural consequence of this unenviable state of feel- 
 ing, he came back, and shouldered the musket once 
 more. His absence from the Army was spent in 
 paying a visit to his old habitation in New Jersey; 
 but, lack a day, his quondam employer, Mr. Gore, 
 was dead; Mrs. Gore herself was living with her 
 former protege, John Henry Blasedell; the pretty 
 Miss Jessie, now somewhat stout in person, was sur- 
 rounded by two or three flaxen-haired children, and 
 how could Guy Averall content himself while con- 
 templating these mutations } To repeat what has 
 been already said in this paragraph, before two 
 months W'ere over, our friend returned to the mili- 
 tary station at Fort Pleasanton, expressed his will- 
 ingness to again enlist, was examined in due form by 
 the Surgeon, and before many more months were 
 over was once more a "soldier laddie," under the 
 guidance of Uncle Sam. 
 
 The second term of service which Averall per- 
 formed was of a somewhat variegated nature. As 
 regards his mental development he studied assidu- 
 ously, so as to make considerable progress, not only 
 in classical, but also in mathematical learning. At 
 this time Guy made the acquaintance of both Homer 
 and Horace in the original tongues, the two authors 
 that seemed to him the most interesting of all those 
 that have descended to us from antiquity, since they 
 both afford pictures of society, different, it is true, 
 from each other, but yet very real in regard to the 
 respective periods which they describe. Nor was 
 his duty as a soldier more laborious than that which 
 
420 Giiy Ave rail. 
 
 falls to the lot of the average enlisted man. As the 
 case stood, Guy's Company spent a while at Fort 
 Pleasanton, and was then ordered out on the Utah 
 expedition; and although the winter at Fort Bridger 
 was a very trying one, as every person who was at 
 that place will confess, yet with the establishment of 
 peace among the Mormons, the Twenty-sixth Artil- 
 lery had a taste of garrison duty once more. At 
 this time, it may be observed, our friend received the 
 first instalment in the way of promotion, for at the 
 post of Fort Leavenworth he was made Corporal, 
 and in about four months afterwards he was advanced 
 to Sergeant, a position which Guy held for a consid- 
 erable length of time afterwards. In the march be- 
 tween Fort Leavenworth and Laramie, made subse- 
 quent to his promotion. Sergeant Averall had an 
 encounter with a party of Sioux, for having been 
 sent out on the prairie in order to secure a supply of 
 hay for the horses of his Battery, the execrable sav- 
 ages almost overwhelmed the small party of men 
 who were under charge of our friend. But Guy, in 
 the first instance, retired to such cover as his wagons 
 afforded, and from thence he opened such a fire on 
 his enemies that after a little while these latter were 
 forced to decamp, with the loss of three or four war- 
 riors killed, and double that number wounded. For 
 his skill and bravery in this affair. Sergeant Averall 
 received the thanks of the officer in command of his 
 Regiment, while his name was subsequently mentioned 
 in General Orders. The only objection to the con- 
 duct of Guy in this matter came from a somewhat sin- 
 gular source. As subsequently appeared, the old ras- 
 cal, who had attempted to swindle Averall in the mock 
 
Guy Ave rail. 421 
 
 auctioneer's on Broadway, and afterwards acted as 
 the priest Manetho in P. T. Barnum's circus, event- 
 ually turned penitent, confessed his sins, ingratiated 
 himself with the Quakers, and was appointed a peace 
 commissioner to the Sioux, in which capacity he 
 wrote a terrific account of Guy's inhuman slaughter 
 of the Red men, a report which subsequently formed 
 the basis of a pathetic attack on the Army, by a 
 celebrated orator in Boston, who singled out Guy 
 Averall as the most inhuman personage that the 
 world had ever seen, and as such held him up to the 
 execration of humanity. But every one knows what 
 an artist in words is the justly celebrated Phillips. 
 
 It was only in his third enlistment that Guy 
 thought he had some reason to complain. The war 
 "of the Rebellion " had broken out; the Artillery in 
 common with the other branches of the service was 
 completely demoralized; in the Regiment in which 
 he had been serving some twenty or thirty appoint- 
 ments of officers had been made from citizen life; 
 when Averall conceived the foolish notion, that some 
 little attention was due those old soldiers who under 
 all circumstances had remained faithful to the flag; 
 and who had borne the burden and heat of the day 
 in Florida, in Utah, in the Indian country and else- 
 where. He was further emboldened in this notion, 
 for of those who had received appointments lately, 
 hardly one, as far as he was aware, knew anything 
 whatever of the ordinary routine of duty with troops; 
 the only exception, indeed, being a certain young 
 gentleman of his acquaintance, who having failed in 
 his first semi-annual examination at West Point, now 
 took the short cut to office, and received a commis- 
 
42 2 Guy Ave rail. 
 
 sion without graduating at all. So with much fear 
 and trembling, Averall ventured to make known his 
 view of the case to the former Captain of his Com- 
 pany, now Major Square, when that kind-hearted 
 gentleman was pleased to say, that he really did not 
 know but Averall, take him all in all, would do no 
 discredit to a commission, " Still," said he, " we 
 officers are helpless in this matter— indeed I should 
 have taken occasion to present your name to the War 
 Department before now, but am creditably informed 
 that it would be useless for me to do so, as the wants 
 of the public are not yet satisfied. All I can say in 
 the connection therefore is, do your duty faithfully 
 in the field, and be assured as far as my personal ex- 
 ertions are concerned, your case will not be forgot- 
 ten." So with this commendation, Guy Averall went 
 back to his Regiment; and advanced and retreated 
 with the Army of the Potomac, in a very gallant 
 manner, for a couple of years, at the end of which 
 time he again appeared before his old commanding 
 officer, who meanwhile had been promoted to the 
 position of Lieutenant Colonel. 
 
 "Well, Averall, what can I do for you ?" was the 
 inquiry which Colonel Square now made. Hereupon 
 Guy was under the painful necessity of again re- 
 stating his case. " I don't pretend to be immaculate, 
 sir," said he, "I, no doubt, have my defects, as well 
 as anyone else; but this I will say, that if I have an 
 unfortunate love of books, it never has prevented 
 me from attending to my duty; and now, after fif- 
 teen years' service, and disqualifying myself for 
 almost every other occupation, I shall consider my 
 case a very hard one indeed if I find any number of 
 
Guy Aver all. 423 
 
 green striplings are placed over my head, and I, as 
 an old soldier, am left out in the cold." 
 
 " Your claim is certainly a meritorious one," said 
 Colonel Square, " but what can I do for you as long 
 as I am destitute of personal influence at the De- 
 partment ? The trouble with our military system, as 
 the case stands, is simply this, that it has never been 
 sincerely contemplated that any one should be pro- 
 moted from the ranks of the Army to the grade of 
 officer, and as a consequence of this a person who 
 recommends a soldier for a commission is regarded 
 as doing an out-of-the-way thing; no matter how 
 guarded he may be in the premises. As the case 
 stands, you may get an appointment, and again you 
 may not — the thing is all luck — my advice to you on 
 the whole is, if you can use any congressional influ- 
 ence, do so, by all means, without delay, for any one 
 of us old soldiers are only too conscious of the fact, 
 that ten words from a Senator or Member of the 
 House of Representatives will avail more in secur- 
 ing advancement, than if you fought in the field for 
 half a century, and were covered from head to foot, 
 with scars received in battle." 
 
 The words thus spoken, although containing 
 little that was novel, produced quite an impression 
 on Guy Averall. After thanking his old commander 
 for his advice, he turned away, and while walking 
 down Pennsylvania Avenue, he began to cogitate. 
 " Well, well," said he, " it is somewhat hard after 
 doing my very best to be honest, for a considerable 
 number of years to find myself so utterly helpless 
 and dependent as I am now. Yes, three successive 
 enlistments in the Army, now almost completed ; and 
 
424 Guy Aver all. 
 
 to find myself placed under a lot of green boys, some 
 of whom, to my knowledge, can hardly spell ! I am 
 sensible of the sad mistake I committed in separat- 
 ing myself from the great body of civilians when I 
 first enlisted ; had I commenced life in a proper 
 form, attended a caucus, ran with a fire-engine, acted 
 as a repeater at election time, or even denounced the 
 effiete aristocracy of the old world, I might now be a 
 free man, entitled to all the rights and privileges of 
 an ordinary resident of the United States, instead of 
 being the mere shuttlecock I now am. But never 
 mind'; once this enlistment expires, I will turn over 
 a new leaf ; and then if puffing and blowing and 
 sounding my own trumpet is fit to effect anything, I 
 will yet be a power in America." 
 
 Just at that moment, if the truth must be told, 
 our friend felt somewhat indignant at what he 
 was pleased to designate the unjust favoritism of 
 Washington city, when turning the corner towards 
 Lafayette Square, he saw a large tall woman coming 
 down the street, and by her side was walking the 
 young and gallant 'Lieutenant Daisy. Hector, for 
 such he was, had grown during the last year to be a 
 fleshy, dogmatic-looking fellow, with a stomach on 
 him like a beer barrel. The mathematician was ex- 
 patiating on the qualities of a certain cotelette de 
 becasse a la supreme, of which he had partaken the 
 previous evening at a senatorial dinner, and whose 
 excellencies were such as to satisfy the wants of the 
 susceptible young gourmand. As to the lady who 
 walked alongside of the officer, it is hardly neces- 
 sary to say a word in regard to her identity. In a 
 few seconds after he first saw her, our hero was en- 
 
Guy Aver all. 425 
 
 gaged in making a most profound bow, while in 
 front of him stood that very majestic personage, the 
 Brigadier General himself. 
 
 " Why Averall, I am so glad to see you ! What 
 a very fine soldier you have become ! A Sergeant 
 too, I notice ! Let me congratulate you. And how 
 are all the dear children ? " 
 
 "As well, madame, as could be expected," said 
 Guy. 
 
 " I am very glad indeed to hear that," responded 
 the lady. And what has become of that excellent 
 old soldier — I mean Sergeant Moldwell ? " 
 
 " He is at present stationed, as Ordinance Ser- 
 geant, at Fort Pike." 
 
 " Ordinance Sergeant at Fort Pike ! why that is 
 in Louisiana, is it not .? " 
 
 "Yes, ma'am," said Guy. 
 
 " And that good man, Hogan, where is he now ? " 
 
 " Hogan, at present, is employed as clerk in the 
 AVar Department," responded Averall. 
 
 " Clerk in the War Department ! Arid Petersen ? " 
 
 " Practicing phrenology, madame, in Pittsburgh." 
 
 " Practicing phrenology in Pittsburgh. Why that 
 indeed is wonderful. And what has become of that 
 good man. Lieutenant Blodgett, who worked so hard 
 at manufacturing the bugs? " 
 
 " Lieutenant Blodgett is the most lucky person 
 with whom I am acquainted," was the answer. "He 
 left his command, and started off to Washington a 
 few days ago, and then by dint of sounding his own 
 praises, he got an appointment in the volunteers as 
 Brigadier General." 
 
 "The dear good child ! " exclaimed Mrs. Daisy. 
 
426 Guy Averall. 
 
 *' Oh ! how I did love that man ! And, Averall, 
 what position beside Sergeant, do you hold ? 
 
 " The same, madame, that I have for a good 
 many years, I attend to my duties, look after my 
 squad, keep to myself in my tent, aad now and then 
 pore over a book. That is all, I assure you." 
 
 " Why that is too bad," said the lady. " In a 
 democratic country like ours, and in such stirring 
 times as these, when every one is advanced, they 
 ought certainly to have given you some promotion." 
 " I have been foolish enough to think I was en- 
 titled to some, but 
 
 Aspettare, e non venire ; 
 
 Stare in letto, e non dormire ; 
 
 Ben servire, e non gradire ; 
 
 Son tre cose da morire. 
 
 To expect what never came, to lie in bed and 
 not sleep, to serve well and not to be advanced, are 
 three things to die of. Thus say the Italians." 
 
 " But Averall you shall not die, not if I have the 
 means of preventing it. Your services, as orderly, 
 during the time you'were under Major Daisy's com- 
 mand were of too valuable a nature to be forgotten 
 in that way, and beside all this, any person who 
 quoted those dear Italian proverbs in the way you 
 do, should not be allowed to die. Let me know 
 what you want ? " 
 
 " Well, Madam, to be candid, I have of late been 
 in search of a commission in the Army," said Guy. 
 *' It may be a piece of vanity on my part, but I con- 
 sider my general education as good, and my services 
 to the government as valuable, as that rendered by 
 the majority of those who have lately received 
 appointments." 
 
Guy Aver all. 427 
 
 " And, indeed, I think so too," responded Mrs. 
 Daisy. " I have always considered you as one of the 
 most intelligent soldiers we have in the service." 
 
 " Oh, Madam," said Guy with a profound bow. 
 " I certainly have no right to claim that distinction. 
 There are many persons, now serving in the ranks, 
 whose deservings and attainments are surely much 
 greater than mine." 
 
 " Let me see, you are a native of Canada, are you 
 not ?" asked Mrs. Daisy. 
 
 " I am an Irishman, Ma'am, by birth," responded 
 the other, " but spite of adverse criticism, an Amer- 
 ican, I trust, by feelings and habits, as every soldier 
 in the Army of the United States should be. I have 
 no desire to live in any other country than the one 
 where I now am." 
 
 " Well, let us see, have you ever spoken to any 
 one in regard to your commission .''" 
 
 " I have, Ma'am, to Colonel Square, but that 
 officer regrets his inability to assist me in any very 
 material way." 
 
 " The dear, good Colonel Square, I think him an ad- 
 mirable man. And his sweet, amiable wife ! I consider . 
 her one of the most perfect persons who ever lived." 
 
 " I consider Mrs. Square a queen among women," 
 responded Averall, who still retained no inconsidera- 
 ble share of the loyalty "he once felt towards that lady. 
 
 " And so do I too," was the rejoinder. " I con- 
 sider Mrs. Square a real queen, and have always 
 treated her as such. But reverting to our former 
 subject, the service, Averall, and particularly the Ar- 
 tillery, is in a much better condition now, do you 
 not think, than when you first joined the Army ? " 
 
428 Guy Averall. 
 
 " In many respects it certainly is," was the re- 
 joinder. The officers and men seem to be very well 
 disposed to each other at present ; and in addition 
 we are now relieved in a great measure from the 
 presence of these extremely lively gentlemen with 
 whom we once were blessed. Such persons as Law- 
 less and Ryan are not now very often met as non- 
 commissioned officers " 
 
 " The poor dear children," exclaimed Mrs. Daisy. 
 " I did love them so very much ; and only felt too 
 much mortified when I understood that they both 
 had been accused of the most horrible crimes. But 
 let it pass. Averall, I am glad to hear you speak in 
 the way you do, and now in regard to this commis- 
 sion that we have been discussing. I suppose, as 
 you say, that Colonel Square has been exerting him- 
 self in your behalf, with very indifferent success, and 
 such being the case, I presume I may be allowed to 
 interfere, I will take your matter in hand and will 
 see what can be done for you. Sergeant Averall, 
 we ladies can usually effect our purpose in Washing- 
 ton, when we choosfe to put our shoulders to the 
 wheel. I certainly think it a hardship that a few 
 months recruiting duty, in the case of that dear 
 child, Von Gingroski, the Polish count, should meet 
 with a reward which your twelve or fifteen years of 
 service cannot secure, and if Mrs. Colonel Johnson 
 can get a commission for her pro/e^^, by running to 
 the Secretary, I certainly ought to secure a like 
 favor for mine." 
 
 And after making the customary obeisance, and 
 with these words as a final understanding, Guy 
 Averall pursued the even tenor of his way, and the 
 
Guy Ave rail. 429 
 
 next evening he was with his battery on the Rappa- 
 hannock. 
 
 Two days after this interview with Mrs. Daisy, 
 the Captain of Guy's Company, the former Lieuten- 
 ant Spruce, called him up to his tent, and handed 
 him an official letter with a grin. Guy opened it, 
 and found that it contained a notification of his 
 appointment to the grade of Second Lieutenant. 
 Poor Averall was never more surprised in his life. 
 He positively had given up all notion of succeeding 
 in the Army. Not to any merit of his own, either 
 as regards length of service or general good conduct 
 was his promotion due ; but to the excellent Mrs. 
 Daisy all his fortune in the Army was to be attrib- 
 uted, and the hero of this narrative was always proud 
 to acknowledge the obligation. 
 
 After a pause of a i^y^ minutes Guy Averall 
 attempted to speak. He thanked his immediate 
 commander for his kind wishes in the matter and 
 then added, " I have reason to think that a friend in 
 Washington has assisted me in obtaining this grace, 
 as the case now stands my duty is plain." 
 " What is that ?" asked Captain Spruce. 
 " To s^rve that government which has entrusted 
 me with its confidence in a loyal and honorable 
 spirit ; to take proper care of the office with which I 
 am invested ; and while remembering that control 
 which it is my duty to exercise on all occasions, to 
 never forget the rights and deservings of all condi- 
 tions of men." 
 
 " Bravo ! bravo ! my dear fellow," exclaimed 
 Spruce with a most engaging smile, " I admire your 
 sentiments." 
 
RARE BOOK 
 COLLECTION 
 
 THE LIBRARY OF THE 
 
 UNIVERSITY OF 
 
 NORTH CAROLINA 
 
 AT 
 
 CHAPEL HILL 
 
 - Wilmer 
 520