THE LIBRARY OF THE
UNIVERSITY OF
NORTH CAROLINA
THE COLLECTION OF
NORTH CAROLINIANA
ENDOWED BY
JOHN SPRUNT HILL
CLASS OF 1889
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UNIVERSITY OF N.C. AT CHAPEL HILL
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FOR USE ONLY IN ^-^-^^^B!
THE NORTH CAROLINA COLLECTION
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A
LIFE AND WRITINGS
OF
©( 13otoninflbiU«,
AWAY DOWN EAST IN THE STATE OF MAINE.
WEITTEN BY HIMSELF.
What makes all doctrines plain and clear?
About two hundred pounds a year.
And that which was proved true before,
Prove false again ? Two hundred more.'
HUDIBRAS.
s.
THIRD EDITION.
BOSTON:
LILLY, WAIT, COL MAN, & HOLDER.
1834.
Entered, according to Act of Congress, in the year 1833,
By Lilly, Wait, Colman, & Holden,
In the Clerk's Office of the District Court of the District of JNIassachusettg.
STKRF.OTTPED BY LYMAX THUi
BOSTON.
N
GINERAL ANDREW JACKSON,
PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES,
IS RESPECTFULLY INSCRIBED,
BY HIS FAITHFUL FRIEND AND nu:WBLE SERVANT,
MAJOR JACK DOWNING.
PREFACE.
Arter I got my book all done, and had looked it
over every day as the prmter went along with it, till
I got clear to the last page, so as to see it was done
right, the printer comes to me, and says he, we want
a Preface now. A preface! says I, what in nater is
that? Why, says he, it is something to fill up the
two first pages with. But, says I, aint the two first
pages filled up yet? I thought we had jest got
through the last page; I hope our cake aint all turn-
ing to dough again. O, it's all right, says he, we
always print the first pages last; all we want now is
the preface, to fill up them are two first pages. Well,
says I, but this is a pretty curious piece of business,
this duin work backwards. I've hearn tell that
Freemasons when they build their chimneys, begin
at the top and work down, and that's what's got the
Anti Masons so mad about it, that they are going to
tear 'em all up, root and branch; but I never knew
afore that folks printed the first end of a book last.
But now, says I, Mr. printer, if I've got to make
this ere preface that you tell about, what must I put
into it? O, says he, you must tell 'em something
about the book; how you come to make it, and what's
in it, and what it's good for, and the like of that.
X PREFACE.
Well, says I, if that's all, I guess I can work it out
in short metre. In the first place then, I made the
book because I couldn't help it; if I hadn't made it,
I dont believe but what I should have split. And in
the next place, I made it so as to get my letters all
together, out of the way of the rascally counterfeits,
so that folks might know the good eggs from the rot-
ten ones. And about these counterfeits, I see the
New York Daily Advertiser says they are going to
print a book of the counterfeit letters somewhere there
or at Philadelphia. All I have to say about it is,
they are welcome to print as many letters as they are
a mind to, if they will only jest put their own names
to 'em. But he that will print his letters and put my
name to 'em, I think would steal a sheep.
And in the next place, as to what is in the book, I
gupss folks will find that out fast enough, without my
telling them.
• And in the last place, as to what it is good for, it
will tell folks more about politics, and how to get
offices, than ever they knew before in all their lives;
and what is the best ont, it will be pretty likely to get
me in to be President.
MAJOR JACK DOWNING.
Boston, Nov. 14, 1833.
CONTENTS.
MY LIFE.
In which I tell considerable more about my Grandfather, than
I do about myself, Page 19
MY LETTERS.
Together with a few from Cousin Nabby, and Uncle Joshua,
and Cousin Ephraim, and so on ; containing a pretty considera-
ble account of my public life, from Jinuary 1830, to November
1833, 41
Letter L— In which Mr. Downing tells about choosing Speak-
er, 41
Letter II.— In which Mr. Downing tells about poor Mr.
Roberts' having to stand up, 46
Letter III. — In which Cousin Nabby advises Mr. Downing to
come home, 49
Letter IV. — In which Uncle Joshua tells how he went to Bos-
ton, and took dinner with the Gineral Court, 51
Extracts from the Portland Courier, 58
Letter V. — In which Mr. Downing tells what a hobble the
Legislature got into, in trying to make so many Governors, 61
Letter VI. — In which Mr. Downing describes a sad mishap
that befell the House of Representatives, 64
Letter VII. — In which affairs take a more favorable turn, 65
Letter VIIL— In which Mrs. Downing urges her son to come
home, 66
Letter IX.— In which Mr. Downing tells about trigging the
wheels of government, 67
Letter X.— In which Mr. Downing advises his Uncle Joshua
to hold on to his bushel of corn, because the Legislature
had begun ' to rip up their duins,' 71
Letter XL— In which Mr. Downing describes some qaeer
duins in the Senate. ^ 73
Xll CONTENTS.
Letter XII. — In which Mr. Downing hits upon a new idea for
making money out of the office-seekers that were swarming
round tlie new Governor, 76
Letter XIII. — Cousin Ephraim in trouble, 77
Letter XIV. — In which 3Ir. Downing describes a severe tug
at the wheels of government, 78
Letter XV.-^In which Mr. Downing tells what it means to
set up a candidate for office, 80
Letter XVI. — In which Mr. Downing tells how the Legisla-
ture cleared out, and how Elder Hall went home, 83
Letter XVII. — In w^hich Mr. Downing hints to Uncle Joshua
that he has a prospect of being nominated for Governor, 85
Letter XVIII. — In which Uncle Joshua discovers remarkable
skill in the science of politics, and advises Mr. Downing by all
means to stand as a candidate for Governor, 8d
Letter XIX. — In which Mr. Downing gives his opinion about
newspapers, 91
Letter XX. — In which Mr. Downing tells how to distinguish
one republican party from another, 93
Grand Caucus at Downingville, 95
Letter XXI. — In which Mr. Downing tells about the Portland
Town-meeting, 100
Letter XXII.— Return of votes from Downingville, 103
Letter XXIII. — In which Mr. Downing hits on a new plan to
get an office, 104
Letter XXIV. — In which Cousin Sarah compares the Society
of Portland with that of Downingville, 105
Letter XXV. — In which Mr. Downing tells how Cousin Jehu
went to the Legislature, and had to go back after his primy
facy case, 107
Letter XXVI. — In wliich Cousin Nabby describes the temper-
ance of Downingville, 110
Letter XXVII. — In which Mr. Downing gives a description
of the Ladies' Fair, 112
Letter XXVIII.— In which Mr. Downing tells how the Jack-
CONTENTS. XUl
sonites in the Legislature had a dreadful tussle to pour a ' heal-
ing act, down the the throats of the Huntonites, 121
Letter XXIX.— In which Mr. Downing tells how the Jack-
sonites at last got the ' healing act ' down the throats of the
Huntonites, ^'^
Letter XXX.— In which Mr. Downing dreams some poetry,
Letter XXXI.— In which Mr. Downing tells how he got a
new kink into his head, in consequence of the blow-up of Pres-
ident Jackson's first Cabinet, 133
Letter XXXIL— In which Cousin Sarah tells about Cousin
Jack's toes and elbows, 1"^^
Letter XXXIII.— In which Mr. Downing tells about the talk
he had with the Boston Editors on his way to Washington, 137
Letter XXXIV.— In which Mr. Downing relates his interview
with Major Noah, 141
Letter XXXV.— In which Mr. Downing tells how he stript
up his sleeves and defended Mr. Ingham on his front door
steps during the after-clap that followed the blow-up of the
Cabinet, 14^
Letter XXXVL— In which Cousin Ephraim tells about the
persecution of poor Mrs. No-tea, 150
Letter XXXVII.— Mr. Downing receives a Captain's com-
mission in the United States' Army, with orders to go and
protect the inhabitants of Madawaska, 15^
Letter XXXVIII.— In which Capt. Downing describes his
return to Downingville, after an absence of two years, 157
Letter XXXIX.— Capt. Downing's first Military Report to
the President, 159
Letter XL.— Capt. Downing visits the Legislature of Maine
again, 1°^
Letter XLL— Progress of proceedings in the Legislature, 165
Letter XLIL— Capt. Downing is suddenly called to his com-
pany at Madawaska, 1"'
Letter XLITL— Capt. Downing returns to Augusta. The
value of a bear-skin, 1^"
Letter XLIV.— In which Capt. Downing tells about the Leg-
islature's making Lawyers, I'^l
Xiv CONTENTS.
Letter XLV. — Capt. Downing is in a peck of trouble about
the Legislature's selling Madawaska to the General Govern-
ment to be given up to the British, and sits down and figures
up the price, 173
Letter XLVL — Capt. Downing declines the office of Mayor
of Portland, 177
Letter XLVIL — In which Capt. Downing relates a confiden-
tial conversation with President Jackson, while on a journey
to Tennessee, 178
Letter XLVIIL — In which Capt. Downing runs an Express
from Baltimore to Washington, and foots it through Pennsyl-
vany Avenue to the President's House, 18J
Letter XLIX. — In which Capt. Downing receives a Major's
commission, and is appointed to march against the Nulli-
fiers, 186
Letter L. — In which Uncle Joshua tells what a tussle they
had in Downingville to keep the Federalists from praising the
President's Proclamation against the Nullifiers, 189
Letter LI. — In which Major Downing describes the arrival
of Sargent Joel, with the Company, at Washington, 192
Letter LII. — In which Major Downing gives his opinion about
Nullification, and illustrates it with a lucid example, 195
Letter LIII. — In which Cousin Ephraim tells the Major how
matters get along at Augusta, and gives a specimen of the
value of political promises, 197
Letter LIV. — In which Major Downing goes up top the Con-
gress house and listens to see if he can hear the guns in South
Carolina, and also has a talk with the President about the
slander of the newspapers, 200
Letter LV. — In which Cousin Ephraim explains the science
of hand speculation^ 202
Letter LVI. — In which Major Downing tells how Mr. Clay
put a stop to that fuss in South Carolina, besides hushing up
some other quarrels, 205
Letter LVII. — In which Major Downing gives the result of
a consultation amongst the Government on the question,
whether the President should shake hands with the Federalists
during his journey down East, 208
CONTENTS. XV
Letter LVIII. — In which Major Downing d 'ends the Presi-
dent from the assault of Lieut. Randolph on ooard the steam-
boat Cygnet, 210
Letter LIX. — In which Major Downing shakes hands for the
President at Philadelphia, while on the grand tour down East,
212
Letter LX. — In which the President and Major Downing
have a very narrow escape at the breaking down of the bridge
in New York, 214
Letter LXI. — In which Major Downing describes the visit of
the President at Boston, and also complains of the rascally
counterfeiters that write letters in his name for the news-
papers, 218
Letter LXII. — In which the President and the rest of 'em'
turn a short corner at Concord and set their faces towards
Washington, 221
Letter LXIII. — In which Cousin Nabby describes the unutter-
able disappointment at Downingville because the President
didn't come, and tells what a terrible pucker Ant Keziah was
in about it, 222
Nomination of Major Downing for the Presidency, 226
Letter LXIV. — In which Major Downing tells about going to
Cambridge and making the President a Doctor of Laws, 227
Letter LXV.— In which Major Downing tells about the
quarrel that he and Mr. Van Buren had at Concord, after they
went up chamber to bed ; and also declares his intention to
run for the Presidency, 231
Letter LXVI. — In which Cousin Ephraim describes the me-
thod of putting ' dimocrats' over on to the federal side, 239
Letter LXVII. — In which the President begun to say some-
thing about vie and Daniel, 241
Letter LXVIII. — In which the President finished what he
was going to say about me and Daniel, 247
Letter LXIX. — In which Cousin Nabby describes her visit to
Mr. Maelzel's Congregation of Moskow, 2ol
Letter LXX. — In which Major Downing concludes it is best
to put some of his poetry into his book, 253
Major Downing's biography of Sam Patch, 255
CONTENTS.
Letter LXXI. — In which Major Downing tells the President
about his book and the pictures in it, and prevents a bobbery
in the Seriate chamber. 254
APPENDIX.
In which are published some of Major Downing's letters, that
he never wrote, "26S
No. I. — Being the genuine letter of old Mr. Zophar Downing,
' amost eighty three yere old,' 271
No. II.— The Bank Report, 272
No. III. — Giving some account of Peleg Bissel's Churn, 277
No. IV. — The public crib at Washington, 280
No. V. — Preparation of the Message, 284
No. VI. Sir George Downing, 286
7
hi which I tell considerable more about my Grand-
father, than I do about Myself.
Whex we read about great men, we always want
to knov/ something about the place where they live;
therefore I shall begin my history with a short ac-
count of Downing ville, the place where I was born
and brought up.
Downingville is a snug, tidy sort of a village, sit-
uated in a valley about two miles long, and a mile
and a half v/ide, scooped out between tv/o large rug-
ged hills that lie to the east and west, having a thick
forest of trees to the north, and a clear pond of water,
•v/ith a sandy beach, to the south. It is about three
miles from the main road as you go back into the
country, and is jest about in the middle of down east.
It contains by this time a pretty considerable number
of inhabitants, though my grandfather Downing was
the first person that settled there, jest after he got
back from sogering in the revolutionary war. It has
a school Jiouse, and a tavern, and a minister, and a
doctor, and a blacksmith, and a shoe-maker, and folks
that work at most all sorts of trades. They have n't
got any meetin house up yet, but the school house is
pretty large and does very well to hold meetins in, and
they have meetins very regular every Sunday, the
men filling up all the seats on one side of the school
house and the women on the other.
20 LIFE OF
They have n't got any lawyer in Downingville ; there
was one come once and sot out to settle there, and
hired a room and put a sign up over the door with his
name on it, and the word office in great large letters,
so big you could read 'em clear across the road. A
meeting of the inhabitants was called at the school
house the next day, and after chawing the matter
over awhile, it was unanimously agreed if the man
wanted an office he should go somewhere else for it,
for as for having an office-seeker in Downingville
they never would. So they voted that he should
leave the town in twenty-four hours, or they would
take him down to the pond and duck him, and ride
him out of town on a rail. A committee of twenty
of the stoutest men in Downingville was appointed to
carry the message to him, at which he prudently took
the hint, and packed up and cleared out that afternoon.
All the quarrels, and disputes and law-cases are al-
ways left out to uncle Joshua Downing, and he settles
them all, by and large, at two shillings apiece, except
where they have come to blows, and then he charges
two and sixpence apiece.
The land in Downingville is most capital rich land,
and bears excellent crops. I would 'nt pretend to say
it 's equal to some land I've hearn tell of away oft' in
Ohio, where the corn grows so tall they have to go
up on a ladder to pick the ears oft*; and where a boy
fell into the hole that his father had dug a beet out
of, and they had to let down a bed-cord to draw him
up again; and where pigs are so plenty that they run
about the farms ready roasted, and some of 'em with
knives and forks in their backs for any body who
wants to eat. I wouldn't pretend that Downingville
is any such sort of a place as that; but this I do say,
he that is diligent and will plant his potatoes and corn
early, and hoe them well, may always get a good crop,
and live above board.
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 21
As I said afore, my grandfather, old Mr. Zebedee
Downing, was the first settler in Downingville. Bless
his old heart, he's living yet, and although he is
eighty-six years old, he attended a public caucus for
the good of his country about two years ago, and
made a speech, as you will find somewhere before you
get through this book, where it tells about my being
nominated for Governor of the State of Maine.
As it is the fashion, in writing the lives of great
folks, to go back and tell something about their pos-
terity, I spose I ought to give some account of my
good old grandfather, for he was a true patriot, and
as strong a republican as ever uncle Joshua was. He
was born somewhere in the old bay State away back
of Boston, and when the revolutionary war come on
he went a sogering. Many and many a time, when
I was a little boy, I've sot on the dye-pot in the cor-
ner till most midnight to hear him tell over his going
through the fatigue of Burgivine. If one of the neigh-
bors came in to chat awhile in an evening, my grand-
father was always sure to go through with the fatigue
of Burgwine ; and if a stranger was travelling through
Downingville and stopt at my grandfather's in a warm
afternoon to get a drink of water, it was ten chances
to one if he could get away till my grandfather had
been through the whole story of the fatigue of Burg-
wine. He used to tell it the best to old Mr. Johnson,
who used to come in regularly about once a week to
spend an evening and drink a mug of my grandfather's
cider. And he would set so patiently and hear my
grandfather through from beginning to end, that I
never could tell v/hich took the most comfort, Mr.
Johnson in drinking the cider, or my grandfather in
going through the fatigue of Burgwine. After Mr.
Johnson had taken about two or three drinks he would
smack his lips, and says he, I guess, Mr. Downing,
you would have been glad to get such a mug of cider
as this in the battle of Burgv/ine. Why yes, said my
22 LIFE OF
grandfather, or when we was on the march from
Cambridge to Peekskill either, or from Peekskill to
Albany, or from Albany to Saratogue, where we went
through the fatigue of Burg wine. Old Schyler was
our gineral, said my grandfather, bracing himself back
in his chair, and he turned out to be a traitor, and was
sent for, to go to Gineral Washington to be court-
martialed. Then gineral Gates was sent to us to take
the command, and he was a most capital officer every
inch of him. He had his cocked hat on, and his
regimentals, and his furbelows on his shoulders, and
he looked nobly, said my grandfather. I can see him
now as plain as if 'twas yesterday. He wore a plaguy
great stub cue, as big as my wrist, sticking out at the
back of his neck as straight as a handspike. Well,
when Gates came we were all reviewed, and every
thing was put in complete order, and he led us on, ye
see, to take Burgwine. By daylight in the morning
we were called out by the sound of the drum, and
drawn up in regiments, and the word was, ' on your
posts, march.' And there we stood marching on our
posts without moving forward an inch; heads up,
looking to the right; we did n't'dare to move an eye,
nor hardly to wink.
By and by along comes the old Gineral to inspect
us, riding along so stately, and that old stub cue stick-
ing out behind his head so straight, it seems as though
I can see him now right here before me. And then
he addressed us, like a father talking to his children.
Fellow soldiers, says he, this day we are going to try
the strength of Burgwine's forces; now let every man
keep a stiff* upper lip, go forward boldly and attack
them with courage, and you 've nothing to fear. O,
he addressed us completely; and then we marched off
to meet the inemy. By and by we begun to hear the
balls whizzing over our heads, and the incmy's guns
begun to roar like thunder. I felt terribly for a minute
or two, but we kept marching up, marching up, said
MAJOR JACK DOWMiN'G. 23
my grandfather, rising and marching across the floor,
for we had orders not to fire a gun till we got up so
near we could almost reach 'em with our bagonuts;
and there was a hundred drums all in a bunch rat-
tlino; enouDfh to craze a nation, and the fifes and
the bugles, continued my grandfather, still marching
across the floor, went tudle, tudle, tudle, tudle — O,
I can hear that very tune ringing in my ears now,
as plain as if 'twas yesterday, and I never shall
forget it to my dying day. When we got up so near
the inemy that we could fairly see the white of their
eyes, the word was ' halt,' said my grandfather, sud-
denly halting in the middle of the floor, and sticking
his head back as straight as a soldier — ' make ready;'
'twas did in a moment, continued my grandfather,
throwing his staff* up against his shoulder, — ' take
aim' — 'twas did in a moment, fetching his staff* down
straight before his eyes — ' fire' — then, O marcy, what
a roar, said my grandfather, striking his staff down
on the floor, and such a smother and smoke you
could n't hardly see your hand afore you. Well in
an instant the word was ' prime and load, ' and as fast
as we fired we fell back in the rear to let others come
up and take their turn, so by the time we were loaded
we were in front and ready to fire again, for we kept
marching all the time, said my grandfather, beginning
to march again across the floor. But the inemy
stood their ground and kept pouring in upon us tre-
mendously, and we kept marching up and firing,
marching up and firing, but did n't gain forward an
inch. I felt streaked enough, for the balls were
whistling over our heads, and sometimes a man
would drop down on one side of me and sometimes on
t'other, but it would n't do for us to flinch a hair; we
must march up and fire and wheel to the right and
left, and keep it going. By and by the word was,
'advance column;' then, heavens and earth, how
light I felt, said my grandfather, quickening his
24 LIFE OF
march across the floor. I knew in a moment the
inemy was retreating, and it seemed to me I could
have jumped over the moon. Well, we marched
forward, but still kept firing, and presently we begun
to come on to the inemy 's ground; and then, O
marcy, such a sight I never see before and never
want to again: stepping over the dead bodies, and
the poor wounded wretches wallowing in their blood,
mangled all to pieces, and such screeches and groans,
some crying out dont kill me, dont kill me, and others
begging us to kill 'em to put 'em out of misery. O,
it was enough to melt the very heart of a stone,
said my grandfather, wiping the tears from his eyes
But they need n't have been afraid of being hurt,
for our Gineral was one of the best men that ever
lived. He had the carts brought up immediately and
all the poor wounded souls carried off as fast as pos-
sible where they could be taken good care of He
would n't let one of 'em be hurt any more than he
would one of his own men. But it was a dreadful
hot battle ; we fit and skirmished all the afternoon
and took a good many prisoners, and some cannon
and ammunition. When it come night the inemy
retreated to their fortifications, and we camped all
night on the ground with our guns in our hands,
ready at a moment's warning to pitch battle again.
As soon as it was daylight we were all mustered and
paraded again, and round come the old Gineral to
see how we looked. He held his head up like a
soldier, and the old stub cue stuck out as straight as
ever. I can see it now as plain as I can see my
staff, said my grandfather. And O, my stars, how he
addressed us ; it made our hearts jump to hear him.
Fellow soldiers, says he, this day we shall make Bur-
gwine tremble. If you are only as brave as you were
yesterday we shall have him and all his army before
night. But Burgwine had slipped away in the
night and got into a place stronger fortified. But he
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 25
could n't get away; he was hemmed in all round; so
we got him before it was over. We were five or six
days skirmishing about it; but I cant tell you all,
nor a quarter part ont.
But how was it you took Burgwine at last? said
Mr. Johnson, taking another drink of cider. O, he
had to give up at last, said my grandfather. After
we had skirmished a day or two longer, Gineral
Gates sent word to Burgwine, that if he had a mind
to march his army back into Canada, and leave every
thing this side unmolested, he'd let him go peaceably.
But Burgwine would n't accept it; he sent word back
that ' he was going to winter with his troops in Bos-
ton.' Well, after we had skirmished round two or
three days longer, and Burgwine got into such close
quarters that he could n't get away any how, he sent
word to Gineral Gates that he'd accept the offer and
march back to Canada; but Gates sent word back to
him again, ' You said you meant to winter in Boston,
and I mean to make you as good as your word.' At
last Burgwine see it was no use for him to hold out
any longer, so he give all his men up prisoners
of war. Then we were all paraded in lines a little
ways apart to see them surrender. And they march-
ed out and marched along towards us ; and it was
a most noble sight to see them all dressed out in
their regimentals and their bagonuts glistening in the
sun enough to dazzle any body's eyes. And they
marched along and stacked their arms, and they all
marched through between our lines looking homesick
enough. I guess we felt as well as they did if our
clothes want so good.
Well that was the end of the war in the northern
states. There was a little skirmishing away off to the
south afterwards, but nothing to be compared to that.
The battle of Burgwine was what achieved our inde-
pendence; it was the cap-stone of the war; there
never was sicb a gloris battle as that since the days
3
26 LIFE OF
of Cesar, nor Methuselah, no, nor clear back to
Adam. I dont think there ever was, said Mr. Johnson,
handing me the quart mug and telling me to run and
get another mug of cider; for before my grandfather
could get through the fatigue of Burgwine Mr. John-
son would most always get to the bottom of the mug.
When I brought in the second mug, Mr. Johnson
took another sip and smacked his lips, and says he,
Mr. Downing I should like to drink a toast with you ;
so here 's health and prosperity to the apple-trees
of Downingville. Mr. Downing, what will you drink
to us? said he, handing the mug to my grandfather.
Why, I dont keer about any cider, said my grand-
father [for he is a very temperate man, and so are
all the Downings remarkably temperate] but I will
jest drink a little to the memory of the greatest and
the bravest Gineral that this world ever see yet; so
here 's my respects to old Gineral Gates' stub cue.
By this time my Grandfather having poured out of
him the whole fatigue of Burgwine ; and Mr. John-
son having poured into him about three pints of ci-
der, they would both of them feel pretty considerably
relieved, and Mr. Johnson would bid us good night
and go home.
I take it that it was hearing these stories of my
grandfather's bravery told over so often in my young-
er days, that made me such a military character as to
induce the President to appoint me to the command
at Madawaska, and also to go to South Carolina to
put down the Nullifiers. But I 'm getting a little
before my story, for I have n't got through with my
grandfather yet, and my father comes before I do too.
As I said afore, my grandfather Avas the first set-
tler in Downingville. When he got through sogering
in the revolutionary war, he took a notion he 'd go
and pick him out a good lot of land away down east
to settle on, where there was land enough to be had
jest for whistling for it, and where his boys would
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 27
have a chance to do something in the world. So he
took grandmother and the two boys, for father and
Uncle Joshua were all the boys he had then, and
packed them into a horse waggon, and took an axe
and a hoe and a shovel, and some victuals, and a bed
tick to put some straw in, and a gun and some blank-
ets and one thing another, and started off down east.
He drove away into Maine till he got clear to the
end of the road, and then he picked his way along
through the woods and round the pond five miles
further, till he got to the very spot where Downing-
ville now is, and there he stopt and baited his horse,
and while grandmother and the boys sot down and
took a bit of a luncheon, grandfather went away up
top of one of the hills to take a view of the country.
And when he come down again, says he, I guess we
may as well ontackle, for I dont believe we shall
find a better place if we travel all summer. So he on-
tackled the old horse, and took the waggon and turn-
ed it over against a great oak tree, and put some
bushes up round it and made a pretty comfortable
sort of a house for 'em to sleep in a few nights, and
then he took his axe and slashed away amongst the
trees. But that old oak never was cut down; it 's
the very same one that stands out a little ways in
front of grandfather's house now. And poor old grand-
mother as long as she lived, for she 's been dead about
five years, always made a practice once a year, when
the day come round that they first camped under the
old oak, to have the table carried out and set under the
tree, and all hands, children and grand-children, had
to go and eat supper there, and the good old lady
always used to tell over the whole story how she
slept eight nights under the waggon, and how they
were the sweetest nights' rest she ever had.
Well, grandfather he smashed away among the
trees, and he soon had a half a dozen acres of 'em
sprawling, and while they were drying in the sun he
28 LIFE OP
went to work and built him a snug little log house,
and made two stools to set on, one for him and one
for grandmother, and a couple of blocks for the boys.
He made a stone fireplace in one corner of the house,
and left a hole in one corner of the roof for the smoke
to go out, and he got it all fixed as nice as a new pin,
and then they moved into it; and I've heard grand-
mother say more than a hundred times, that she raly
believed she took more comfort in that log house,
than ever a queen took in a palace.
When the leaves and the twigs of the trees that
grandfather had cut down had got considerable dry
in the sun, he went out one warm clear afternoon and
sot fire to 'em. The wind was blowing a considera-
ble of a breeze from the southward, and the fire
spread almost as fast as a horse could run. Grand-
mother used to say it was the grandest sight she ever
see, to see them are six acres of trees all in a light
fiame at once, and the fire streaming up as high as
the tallest pines, sometimes in a broad red sheet, and
sometimes in narrow strips that went up rolling and
bending like ten thousand fiery dragon's tongues.
After the fire had gone through it grandfather went
to work to clear it up. He picked up the limbs and
bits that were left and threw 'em in heaps and sot fire
to 'em again, and he laid sticks across the large logs
that were too heavy to move, and niggered them off
with fire, and then rooUed them up in piles and sot
fire to 'em again and burnt 'em all up smack smooth.
Then he went to work and planted the ground all
over to corn, and potatoes, and punkins, and beans,
and squashes, and round near the house he planted
water-millions, and mush-millions, and cowcumbers,
and beats and carrots and tarnips; and grandmother
carried out a whole apron full of seeds of all kinds of
arbs that ever grew in old Massachusetts, and sowed
'em all round, and they come up as thick as hops.
After this the family of old Mr. Zebedee Downing
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 29
always lived like heroes and never knew what it was
to be in want. They had ten children, and a smart
likely set of boys and gals they were too, and they
all lived to grow up, and were all married and well
to do in the world. Father, whose name was Solo-
mon, was the oldest boy, and as they grew up, the
hardest of the work naturally fell upon him, and as
grandfather begun to get along considerable in years,
father had to take the principal care of the farm. So
that he was always called a hard-working boy and *a
hard-working man. He had a quiet peaceable dispo-
sition, and was never known to quarrel with any body,
and scarcely ever to speak a hash word. He was
always out as soon as it was light in the morning,
and worked as long as he could see at night, and let
the weather be what it would, cold or hot, rain or
shine, his day's work was never left undone. But
this hard work, and going out in the wet and cold so
much, brought on the rumaties and made an old man
of him before he was fifty. For ten years past he
has n't been able to do hardly any thing, and he
can't get about now half so smart as grandfather,
although he is twenty-two years younger.
Uncle Joshua was the next oldest, and he was as
different from father as a toad wants a tail. He was
a clear shirk, and never would work if he could help
it. But he was always good-natured, and full of his
pranks, and kept his clack agoing the whole day
long; so that the boys used to like him, and whenever
they wanted to have any frolic or fun they always
used to go to him to take the lead. As he grew up
he took to reading considerable, and after they begun
to have newspapers at Downingville he was a master
hand to read newspapers and talk politics, and by the
time he was twenty-five years old he knew more
about politics than any other man in Downingville.
When he was thirty years old he was chosen Mod-
erator of the town meeting, and has been chosen to
3*
30
LIFE OF
that office every year since. He's been a squire a
good many years, and has held most all the offices
in town one after another, and is on the whole con-
sidered the foremost man in Downingville. He is
now Post Master of the United States for Downing-
ville, an office which I was the means of helping him
to by my acquaintance with the President. Uncle
Joshua has been a considerable of a trading sort of a
character, and he 's got pretty well afore hand, so
that he lives in a nice two story house, painted red,
with a good orchard round it, and owns a good farm,
and a saw-mill, besides considerable wild land.
I cant stop now to tell about the rest of my uncles
and ants, for I've got so many letters to put into this
book that if I stop to tell about one half of my rela-
tions there would n't be room enough for the letters;
and it would n't do to leave them out, for they con-
tain all the history of my public life. So I may as
well break right off froi^ the rest of 'em, and begin
to tell about myself.
I believe I was born somewhere about the year
seventeen hundred and ninety-five, more or less, and
mother says I was the smartest baby that she ever
see. I dont speak of this by way of bragging, but as
I am writing a history to go before the world, I'm
bound to be impartial. She says before I was a week
old I showed that I was real grit, and could kick and
scream two hours upon the stretch, and not seem to
be the least bit tired that ever was. But I dont re-
member any thing about this. The first I remember,
I found myself one cold November day, when I was
about five years old, bareheaded and barefoot, sliding
on the ice. It had been a snapping cold night, and
in the morning the pond was all froze over as smooth
as glass, and hard enough to bear a horse. All the
boys in the neighborhood, and most all the gals,
turned out and had a fine frolic that day, sliding and
running on the pond. JVlost of tlie larger boys had
MAJOR JACK DOWNi:\G. 31
shoes, but we little tellers that want big enough to
wear shoes had to tuff it out as well as we could.
I carried a great pine chip in my hand, and when my
feet got so cold I could n't stand it no longer, I'd put
the chip down and stand on that a little while and
warm 'em, and then at it to sliding again like a two
year old.
When I got to be considerable of a boy I used to
have to work with father on the farm. But it always
seemed to go rather against my grain, and father used
to say that I did n't love work a bit better than uncle
Joshua did, without he'd give me my stent, and then he
said I would spring to it and get it done by noon, and
go off round the pond in the afternoon fishing or hunt-
ing musquash. I think I took the most comfort in
catching musquash of any thing I used to do. There
was a good deal of pleasure in catching pickerel; to
take a long fishing pole and line, and go down to the
pond in the morning, and stand on a log whose top
limbs run away off" into the water, and throw the hook
off* and bob it about on the top of the water, and see
a great pickerel jump and catch it, and wait a minute
or two for him to get it v/ell into his mouth, and then
pull him ashore, kicking and jumping and flouncing —
this was most capital fun, but it want quite equal to
musquashing. I had a little steel trap, and I used to
go down at night to the bank of a brook that run into
the pond, and set the trap on the bank just under
water, and fasten it by a line to a stake or a tree, and
put a bit of a parsnip on a stick and place it over the
trap a little above the water, and then go home and
sleep as well as I could for dreaming of musquashes,
and as soon as it was cleverly light in the morning go
down to the pond and creep along where the trap was
sot, with my heart in my mouth, wondering if it was
sprung or no, and come along to the stake and see no
trap, but the line drawn straight out into the water,
then take hold of the line and draw up the trap, and
52 LIFE OF
see it rising up through the water fast hold of a great
plump musquash, as dead as a drownded rat and full
of fir as a beaver, this was fun alive; it made me feel
as nicely as though I was hauling up a bucket of dol-
lars. The summer I was fourteen years old I catch-
ed enough to buy me a fur hat, and a pair of shoes,
and a new jacket and trowses; and enough to buy me
, a pretty good new suit of clothes almost every summer
after that till I was twenty. Howsomever I used to
stick to the farm pretty well, and help father along all
I could, for after I got old enough to think more about
it, it used to hurt my feelings to see the old gentleman
work so hard. And many a time v*hen he has taken
hold of a hard job to do, I have gone to him and took
it out of his hands, and said, now father you go into
the house and set down and rest you, and let me do
this. And the old gentleman would turn round, but
I could seethe water come into his eyes, and he would
say, ' Well Jack, you are a kind boy, let folks say
what they will of you ; ' and then he would take his
staff and walk away into the house.
We used to have a school in Downingville about
three months in the winter season and two months in
the summer, and I went to the winter school three
winters, from the time I was twelve till I was fifteen.
And I was called about the best scholar of my age
that there was in school. But to be impartial, I must
confess the praise did n't always all belong to me, for
I used sometimes to work headwork a little in order to
get the name of being a smart scholar. One instance
of it was in reading. I got along in reading so well,
that the master said I read better than some of the boys
that were considerable older than I, and that had been
to school a dozen winters. But the way I managed
it was this. There was cousin Obediah was the best
reader there was in school, and as clever a boy as
one in a thousand, only his father had n't got no or-
chard. So I used to carry a great apple to school in
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 33
my pocket every day and give to him to get him to set
behind me when I was reading, where he could peak
into my book, and when I come to a hard word, have
him whisper it to me, and then I read it out loud.
Well, one day I was reading along so, pretty glib, and
at last I come to a pesky great long crooked word,
that I could n't make head nor tail to it. So I waited
for Obediah. But it proved to be a match for Obedi-
ah. He peaked, and squinted, and choked, and I
was catching my breath and waiting for him to speak;
and at last he found he could do nothing with it, and
says he ' skip it.' The moment I heard the sound I
bawled out, skij) it. What's that? said the master,
looking at me as queer as though he had catched a
weazel asleep. I stopt and looked at the word again,
and poked my tongue out, and waited for Obediah.
Well, Obediah give me a hunch, and whispered again,
' skip it.' Then I bawled out again, ship it. At that
the master and about one half the scholars yaw-hawed
right out. I could n't stand that; and I dropt the book
and streaked it out of school, and pulled foot for home
as fast as I could go, and I never showed my head in
school again from that day to this. But for all that, I
made out to pick up a pretty good education. I got
sol could read and spell like a fox, and could cypher
as far as the rule of three. And when I got to be
about twenty years old, I was strongly talked of
one winter for schoolmaster. But as a good many
of the same boys and gals would go to me, that were
in the school when I read ' skip it,' I did n't dare to
venture it for fear there would be a sort of a snicker-
ing among 'em whenever any of the scholars come to
a hard word.
So I jogged along with father on the farm. But
let me be doing what I would, whether it was hoeing
potatoes, or pitching hay, or making stone wall, or
junking and piling logs, I never could feel exactly
easy ; some thing seemed to keep ringing in my ears
34 LIFE OF
all the time, and saying I was made to do something
else in the world besides this. And an old woman
that come along and told fortunes, when she come to
tell mine, said that wherever I should go and what-
ever I should undertake to do, I should always get to
the top of the ladder. I believe I. have mentioned it
somewhere in one of my letters. Well, this made
me keep a thinking so much the harder, and wonder-
ing what I should be in the world, and although I
used to stick to my work as steady as any of the boys,
yet I used to feel as uneasy as a fish out of water.
But what made me think most about it was father.
He always used to stand to it I was smarter than
common boys, and used to tell mother she might de-
pend upon it, if I lived and nothing did n't happen to
me, I should some day or other raise the name of the
Downings higher than it ever had been yet.
At last father dreampt a dream, that put the cap-
stone upon the whole of it. He dreampt that I was
out in the field hoeing potatoes, and he stood leaning
over his staff, as he very often used to do, looking at
me. By and by he said I stopt hoeing, and stood up
and leaned my chin on my hoe handle, and seemed to
look up towards the sky; and he said I looked as
calm as the moon in a clear summer night. Present-
ly my hat begun to rise up gradually, and dropt off
on the ground, but I stood still. Then he said the
top of my head begun to open, and a curious green
plant begun to sprout up out of it. And it grew up
about two feet, and sent out ever so many young
branches with broad green leaves, and then the little
buds begun to open and roll out great clusters of the
most beautiful bright flowers one above another that
ever he see in all his life. He watched 'em till they
all got blowed out into a great round bunch, as big as
a bushel basket; and then he waked up, and he felt
so he got right out of bed and walked the floor till
morning. And when we all got up, he sot down and
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 35
told the dream over to I and mother. Mother sot
with her pocket handkerchief wiping the tears out of
her eyes all the time he was telling of it ; and I felt
as though my blood was running cold all over me.
But from that time I always felt sure the time would
come when Downingville would n't be big enough to
hold me, and that I should do something or other in
the world that would be worth telling of; but what
it would be I couldn't think.
Well, I kept jogging along on the farm after the
same old sort, year after year, so long, and there
didn't nothing happen to me, that sometimes I almost
begun to give it up, and think sure enough it was all
nothing but a dream. Still I kept having spells that
I felt terrible uneasy, and was tempted forty times to
pack up and go and seek my fortune. I might tell a
good deal more about my life, and my uncles and ants
and cousins, and the rest of the neighbors: but I be-
gin to feel a most tired of writing my life, and believe
I shall have to serve it pretty much as I planted my
watermillion seeds. And that was this. When I
was about six or seven years old, our folks give me
a pint of watennillion seeds and told me to go out
into the field and plant 'em for myself, and I might
have all I could raise. So off 1 goes tickled enough.
And I went to work and punched little holes down in
the ground and put in one seed to time along in a row,
three or four inches apart, till I got about half the
seeds planted. It was rather a warm afternoon and
I begun to feel a little tired, so I took and dug a hole
and poured the rest of the seeds all in together, and
covered 'em up, and went into the house. Well,
mother asked me if I 'd planted my seeds; yes mam,
says I. What, all of 'em, says she? Yes mam, says
I. But you 've been very spry, says she, how did
you get them done so quick ? O, says I, easy enough;
I planted 'em in a hill and a row. And when they
begun to come up they found 'em in a hill and a row
36 LIFE OF
sure enough. So I believe I shall have to pour the
rest of my life into a hill, and let it go.
To come then right to the pint — I dont mean the
pint of watermillion seeds, but the pint in my life
which seemed to be the turning pint — In the fall of
the year 1829 I took it into my head I 'd go to Port-
land. I had heard a good deal about Portland, what
a fine place it was, and how the folks got rich there
proper fast; and that fall there was a couple of new
papers come up to Downmgville from there, called
the Portland Courier and Family Reader; and they
told a good many queer kind of things about Portland
and one thing another; and all at once it popped into
my head, and I up and told father, and says I, I 'm
going to Portland whether or no; and I'll see what
this world is made of yet. Father stared a little at
first, and said he was afraid I should get lost; but
when he see I was bent upon it, he give it up; and
he stepped to his chist and opened the till, and took
out a dollar and give to me, and says he, Jack, this
is all I can do for you; but go, and lead an honest
life, and I believe I shall hear good of you yet. He
turned and walked across the room, but I could see
the tears start into his eyes, and mother sot down and
had a hearty crying spell. This made me feel rather
bad for a minute or two, and I almost had a mind to
give it up; and then again father's dream came into
my mind, and I mustered up courage, and declared
I 'd go. So I tackled up the old horse and packed
in a load of ax handles and a few notions, and mother
fried me some dough-nuts and put 'em into a box
along with some cheese and sassages, and ropped me
up another shirt, for I told her I didn't know how
long I should be gone; and after I got all rigged out,
I went round and bid all the neighbors good bye, and
jumped in and drove off for Portland.
Ant Sally had been married two or three years be-
fore and moved to Portland, and I inquired round till
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 37
I found out where she lived, and went there and put
the old horse up and eat some supper and went to
bed. And the next morning I got up and straightened
right off to see the Editor of the Portland Courier,
for I knew by what I had seen in his paper that he
was jest the man to tell me which way to steer. And
when I come to see him I knew I was right ; for soon
as I told him my name and what I wanted, he took
me by the hand as kind as if he had been a brother;
and says he, Mr. Downing, I '11 do any thing I can
to assist you. You have come to a good town; Port-
land is a healthy thriving place, and any man with a
proper degree of enterprise may do well here. But
says he, Mr. Downing, and he looked mighty kind
of knowing, says he, if you want to make out to your
mind, you must do as the steamboats do. Well, says
I, how do they do? for I did n't know what a steam-
boat was, any more than the man in the moon. Why,
says he, they go ahead. And you must drive about
among the folks here jest as though you were at home
on the farm among the cattle. Dont be afraid of any
of 'em, but figure away, and I dare say you will get
into good business in a very little while. But says
he, there 's one thing you must be careful of, and
that is not to get into the hands of them are folks that
trades up round Huckler's Row; for there's some
sharpers up there, if they get hold of you, would
twist your eye teeth out in five minutes. Well after
he had gin me all the good advice he could I went
back to Ant Sally's again and got some breakfast,
and then I walked all over the town to see what
chance I could find to sell my ax handles and things,
and to get into business.
After I had walked about three or four hours I
come along towards the upper end of the town where
I found there were stores and shops of all sorts and
sizes. And I met a feller, and says I, what place is
this.^ Why this says he, is Huckler's Row. What,
4
38
LIFE OF
sajs I, are these the stores where the traders in
Hucklcr's Row keep? And says he, yes. Well
then, thinks I to myself, I have a pesky good mind
to go in and have a try with one of these chaps, and
see if they can twist my eye teeth out. If they can
get the best end of a bargain out of me, they can do
what there aint a man in Downingville can do, and I
should jest like to know what sort of stuff these ere
Portland chaps are made of So in I goes into the
best looking store among 'em. And I see some bis-
cuit lying on the shelf, and says I, Mister, how much
do you ax apiece for them are biscuit? A cent apiece,
says he. Well, says I, I shant give you that, but if
you've a mind to, I'll give you two cents for three
of 'em, for I begin to feel a little as though I should
like to take a bite. Well, says he, I would n't sell
'em to any body else so, but seeing it's you I dont
care if you take 'em. I knew he lied, tor he never
see me before in his life. Well he handed down the
biscuits and I took 'em, and walked round the store
awhile to see what else he had to sell. At last, says
I, Mister, have you got any good new cider? Says
he, yes, as good as ever you see. Well, says I,
what do you ax a glass for it? Two cents, says he.
Well, says I, seems to me I feel more dry than I do
hungry now. Aint you a mind to take these ere
biscuit again and give me a glass of cider? And
says he I dont care if I do; so he took and laid 'em
on the shelf again, and poured out a glass of cider.
I took the cider and drinkt it down, and to tell the
truth it was capital good cider. Then, says I, I guess
it's time for me to be a going, and I stept along to-
wards the door. But, says he, stop Mister. I believe
you have n't paid me for the cider. Not paid you for
the cider, says I, what do you mean by that? Didn't
the biscuit that I give you jest come to the cider?
Oh, ah, right, says he. So I started to go again;
and says he, but stop, Mister, you didn't pay me for
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 39
the biscuit. What, says I, do you mean to impose
upon me? do you think I am going to pay you for the
biscuit and let you keep 'em tu? Aint they there
now on your shelf, what more do you want ? I guess
sir, you dont whittle me in that way. So I turned
about and marched off, and left the feller staring and
thinking and scratching his head, as though he was
struck with a dunderment. Howsomever, I did n't
want to cheat him, only jest to show 'em it want so
easy a matter to pull my eye teeth out, so I called
in next day and paid him his two cents. Well I staid
at Ant Sally's a week or two, and I went about town
every day to see what chance I could find to trade
off my ax handles, or hire out, or find some way or
other to begin to seek my fortune.
And I must confess the editor of the Courier was
about right in calling Portland a pretty good thriving
sort of a place; every body seemed to be as busy as
so many bees; and the masts of the vessels stuck up
round the wharves as thick as pine trees in uncle
Joshua's pasture; and the stores and the shops were
so thick, it seemed as if there was no end to 'em.
In short although I have been round the world con-
siderable, from that time to this, all the way from
Madawaska to Washington, I 've never seen any
place yet that I think has any business to grin at
Portland.
At last I happened to blunder into the Legislator;
and I believe that was the beginning of my good luck.
I see such queer kinds of carrying on there, that I
could n't help setting down and writing to cousin
Ephraim to tell uncle Joshua about it; because he
always wanted to know everything that's going on in
politics. So I went to the editor of the Portland
Courier, for I had got out of money, and asked him
if he would be so good as to lend me ninepence to
pay the postage. And he said he would with all his
heart. But he could tell me a better way than that;
40 LIFE OF MAJOR JACK DOWNING.
if I had a mind to let him have the letter he would
send it up in the Courier and it would'nt cost any
postage at all. So I let him have it, and fact, he
went right to work and printed it in the Courier as
large as life. He said he would n't let any body see
it but cousin Ephraim; but somehow or other it
leaked out and was all over the Legislator the next
morning, and every body was inquiring for Mr. Down-
ing. Well this kind of got me right into public life
at once; and I 've been in public life ever since, and
have been writing letters and rising up along gradu-
ally one step after another, till I 've got up along side
of the President, and am talked of now pretty strong
for President myself, and have been nominated in a
good many of the first papers in the country.
All my public life pretty much may be found in my
letters. And I shall put 'em into this book along one
after another jest as they come, from the time I first
sent that letter in the Portland Courier to cousin
Ephraim till this time. I don't know but some of the
politics in 'em will want a little explaining along by
the way, so I have got my friend the editor of the
Portland Courier, to put in some notes wherever he
thinks they want 'em.
Tosiether with a few from Cousin JVabby, and Uncle
Joshua, and Cousin Ephraim, and so on; containing
a pretty considerable account of my public life from
Jinuary 1830 to JVovember 1833.
[Xote hy the Editor. The political struggle in the Legislature
of Maine in the winter of 1830 will long be remembered. The
preceding electioneering campaign had been carried on with a
bitterness and personality unprecedented in the State, and so
nearly were the parties divided, that before the meeting of the
Legislature to count the votes for Governor both sides confidently
claimed the victory. Hence the members came together with
feelings highly excited, prepared to dispute every inch of ground,
and ready Ilo take fire at the first spark which colhsion might
produce. A fierce war commenced at the first moment of the
meeting, and continued for about six weeks without intermis-
sion, before they succeeded in organizing the government. It
was during this state of things that Mr. Downing fortunately
happened lo drop into the Legislature, when his prolific genius
was at once fired to record th^e scenes that were passing before
him, for the edification not only of the present generation but of
remote posterity. In explanation of the first letter, it may be
remarked, that as soon as the Representatives had assembled,
Albert Smith, Esq. of Nobleborough, the present Marshal of
Maine, called them to order, and nominated Mr. White of Mon-
mouth, Chairman, who was declared elected without ceremony,
and took the chair. After he had occupied it two days Mr.
Goodenow was elected Speaker.] -^
LETTER I.
In which Mr. Downing tells about choosing Speaker.
Portland, Monday, Jan. 18, 1830.
To Cousin Ephraim Downing up in Dowingville.
Dear Cousin Ephraim. — I now take my pen in
hand' to let you know that I am well, hoping these
4#
42 LETTERS OF
few lines will find you enjoying the same blessing.
When I come down to Portland I did n't think o'
staying more than three or four days, if I could
sell my load of ax handles, and mother's cheese, and
cousin Nabby's bundle of footings; but when I got
here I found Uncle Nat was gone a freighting down
to Quoddy, and ant Sally said as how I should n't stir
a step home till he come back agin, which wont be
this month. So here I am, loitering about this great
town, as lazy as an ox. Ax handles dont fetch noth-
ing, I could n't hardly give 'em away. Tell cousin
Nabby I sold her footings for nine-pence a pair, and
took it all in cotton cloth. Mother's cheese come to
five-and-sixpence; I got her half a pound of shushon,
and two ounces of snuff, and the rest in sugar. When
uncle Nat comes home I shall put my ax handles
aboard of him, and let him take 'em to Boston next
time he goes; I saw a feller tother day, that told me
they'd fetch a good price there. — I've been here now
a whole fortnight, and if I could tell ye one half I've
seen, I guess you'd stare worse than if you'd seen a
catamount. I've been to meeting, and to the museum,
and to both Legislators, the one they call the House,
and the one they call the Sinnet. I spose uncle Josh-
ua is in a great hurry to hear something about these
Legislaters; for you know he's always reading news-
papers, and talking politics, when he can get any
body to talk with him. I've seen him, when he had
five tons of hay in the field well made, and a heavy
shower coming up, stand two hours disputing with
squire W. about Adams and Jackson, one calling
Adams a tory and a fed, and the other saying Jack-
son was a murderer and a fool ; so they kept it up,
till the rain began to pour down, and about spoilt all
his hay.
Uncle Joshua may set his heart at rest about the
bushel of corn that he bet long with the post-master,
that Mr. Ruggles would be Speaker of that Legisla-
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 43
ter, they call the House; for he 's lost it, slick as a
whistle. As I had n't much to do, I 've been there
every day since they 've been a setting. A Mr. White
of Monmouth was the Speaker the two first days;
and I cant see why they did n't keep him in all the
time; for he seemed to be a very clever good-natured
sort of man, and he had such a smooth pleasant way
with him, that I could n't help feeling sorry when
they turned him out and put in another. But some
said he was n't put in hardly fair; and I dont know
as he was, for the first day when they were all com-
ing in and crowding round, there was a large fat man,
with a round, full, jolly sort of a face, I suppose he
was the captain, for he got up and commanded them
to come to order, and then he told this Mr. White to
whip into the chair quicker than you could say Jack
Robinson. Some of 'em scolded about it, and I heard
some, in a little room they called the lobby, say 'twas
a mean trick; but I could n't see why, for I thought
Mr. White made a capital Speaker, and when our
company turns out you know the captain always has
a right to do as he 's a mind to.
They kept disputing most all the time the two first
days about a poor Mr. Roberts from Waterborough.
Some said he should n't have a seat, because he
adjourned the town meeting, and was n't fairly elect-
ed. Others said it was no such thing, and that he
was elected as fairly as any of 'em. — And Mr. Ro-
berts himself said he was, and said he could bring
men that would swear to it, and good men too. But
notwithstanding all this, when they came to vote,
they got three or four majority that he should n't
have a seat. And I thought it a needless piece of
cruelty, for they want crowded, and there was a
a number of seats empty. But they would have it
so, and the poor man had to go and stand up in the
lobby.
Then they disputed awhile about a Mr. Fowler's
44 LETTERS OF
having a seat. Some said he should n't have a seat,
because when he was elected some of his votes were
given for his father. But they were more kind to
him than they were to Mr. Roberts; for they voted
that he should have a seat; and I suppose it was be-
cause they thought he had a lawful right to inherit
whatever was his father's. They all declared there
was no party politics about it, and I dont think there
was; for I noticed that all who voted that Mr. Roberts
should have a seat, voted that Mr. Fowler should
not; and all who voted that Mr. Roberts should not
have a seat, voted that Mr. Fowler should. So, as
they all voted both ways, they must have acted as
their consciences told them, and I dont see how there
could be any party about it.
It 's a pity they could n't be allowed to have two
speakers, for they seemed to be very anxious to
choose Mr. Ruggles and Mr. Goodenow. They two
had every vote, except one, and if they had had that,
I believe they would both have been chosen; as it
was, however, they both came within a humbird's
eye of it. Whether it was Mr. Ruggles that voted
for Mr. Goodenow, or Mr. Goodenow for Mr. Rug-
gles, I can't exactly tell; but I rather guess it was
Mr. Ruggles voted for Mr. Goodenow, for he appear-
ed to be very glad that Mr. Goodenow was elected,
and went up to him soon after Mr. Goodenow took
the chair, and shook hands with him as good-natured
as could be. I would have given half my load of
ax handles, if they could both have been elected and
set up there together, they would have been so happy.
But as they can't have but one speaker at a time,
and as Mr. Goodenow appears to understand the
business very well, it is not likely Mr. Ruggles will
be speaker any this winter. So Uncle Joshua will
have to shell out his bushel of corn, and I hope it
will learn him better than to bet about politics again.
If he had not been a goose, he miorht have known he
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 45
would loose it, even if he had been ever so sure of
getting it; for in these politics there's never any t^ell-
ing which way the cat will jump. You know, before
the last September election, some of the papers that
came to our town had found out that Mr. Hunton
would have five thousand majority of the votes. And
some of the other papers had found out that Mr.
Smiili would have five thousand majority. But the
cat jumped 'tother way to both of 'em; for I cant find
yet as either of 'em has got any majority. Some say
Mr. Hunton has got a little majority, but as far from
five thousand as I am from home. And as for Mr.
Smith, they dont think he has any majority at all.
You remember, too, before I came from home, some
of the papers said how there was a majority often or
fifteen national re'puhlicans in the Legislator, and the
other papers said there was a pretty clever little
majority o^ democratic republicans. Well, now every
body says it has turned out jest as that queer little
paper, called the Daily Courier, said 't would. That
paper said it was such a close rub, it could n't hardly
tell which side would beat. And it 's jest so, for they
've been here now most a fortnight acting jest like two
boys playin see-saw on a rail. First one goes up,
then 'tother; but I reckon one of the boys is rather
heaviest, for once in awhile he comes down chuck,
and throws the other up into the air as though he
would pitch him head over heels.
In that 'tother Legislator they call the Sinnet,
there has been some of the drollest carryins on that
you ever heard of If I can get time I '11 write you
something about it, pretty soon. So I subscribe my-
self, in haste, your loving cousin till death.
JACK DOWNING.
46 LETTERS OF
LETTER II.
In which Mr. Doivning tells about poor Mr. Roberts
having to stand up.
[Xote by the Editor. It was the rule at the meeting of the
Legislature to admit all to a seat who could produce a certificate
of their election, which certificate was considered prima facia
evidence that they were duly returned as members. The Port-
land Argus and Advertiser were the leading papers of the two
parties ; and as matters began to grow worse and worse in the
Legislature, the Argus constantly affirmed that the democratic
republicans used every endeavor in their power to organize the
government and proceed in the public business, but that the
Huntonites would not let them. And the Advertiser as con-
stantly affirmed, that the national republicans used their utmost
endeavors to proceed in the public business, but the Jacksonites
would not let them.]
Portland, Jan. 22, 1830.
To Uncle Joshua Downing up in Downingville.
Dear Uncle Joshua. — I spose you learnt by my
letter t'other day to cousin Ephraim, that you had
lost the bushel of corn you bet about the Speaker in
the Legislater; I mean that Legislater they call the
House; for Mr. White got it first, and then Mr.
Goodenow got it, and he's kept it ever since. And
they say he'll be Speaker all winter, although he
don't speak near so much as some the rest of 'em.
There's lawyer Ruggles, of Thomaston, that used to
be Speaker, and folks say he made a very smart one.
And there's lawyer Boutelle, of Waterville, who's
got eyes sharp enough to look through any body, and
who makes 'em all as still as mice when he speaks.
And there 's lawyer Smith of jVobleborough ; he looks
very much like a man I saw in the museum, that they
called Daniel Lambert, only he is'nt quite so large;
but my patience, he's a real peeler for speaking, and
sometimes he pours out his voice so as to make me
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 47
jump right up on my feet. If I was going to bet who
would be Speaker next year, I should bet upon him
before any body else. And there 's lawyer Bourne,
of Kennebunk, and lawyer Kent, of Bangor, and
lawyer Norton, of Milburn, and doctor Burnham, of
Orland, and doctor Shaw of Wiscasset, and doctor
Wells, of Freeport, and parson Knowlton, of Mont-
ville, and parson Swett, of Prospect, and some others,
if I could only think of 'em. Now, most any of these
speak more than Mr. Goodenow does; and still Mr.
Goodenow is called the Speaker, because they voted
that he should be. They've disputed two days more
about that poor Mr. Roberts having a seat. I can't
see why they need to make such a fuss about it. As
they've got seats enough, why don't they let him have
one, and not keep him standing up for three weeks in
the lobby and round the fire; its a plaguy sight worse
than being on a standing committee, for they say the
standing committees have a chance to set most every
day. But in the dispute about Mr. Roberts last
Wednesday and Thursday, the difficulty seemed to
be something or other about a primij facij case. I
don't know what sort of a case 'twas, but that's what
they called it. Some said he hadn't got any primy
facij case, and he mus'nt have a seat till he had one.
The others stood to it that he had got one, and a very
good one; Mr. Ruggles said it was full as good a
one as the gentlemen from Portland had. And they
read above twenty papers that they called depositions,
about the town meeting at Waterborough; but they
didn't seem to say any thing about the primy jacy
case. About one half of 'em said the town meeting
was adjourned, and t'other half said twas'nt. And
one of the depositions said there was some of 'em at
the meeting agreed that Mr. Roberts should n't be
elected at any rate; and if they could n't prevent it
any other way, they agreed to keep up a row till
midnight. And when they brought in candles in the
48 LETTERS OF
evening, they knocked 'em all over, and put 'em out.
So they all had to clear out; and some said there was
a vote to adjourn the meeting, and some said Mr.
Roberts adjourned it alone, and some said 'twasn't
adjourned at all. And one of the depositioners said
Mr. Roberts offered to give him as much rum as he
would drink, if he would only say the meeting was
fairly adjourned. But all the depositions didn't con-
vince but sixty-nine members of the House that Mr.
Roberts had a primy facij case; and there were
seventy-five convinced t'other way. So, after they
had disputed two days, they voted again that Mr.
Roberts shouldn't have a seat yet.
O dear, uncle Joshua, these Legislaters have got
the State into a dreadful pickle. I've been reading
the Portland Argus and the Portland Advertiser, and
it's enough to scare a Bunker Hill sojer out of his
seven senses, to see what we are all coming to. Ac-
cording to these papers, there are two very clever
parties in the State, that are trying with all their
might to save us from ruin. They are called demo-
cratic republikins, and national o'ejniblikins ; and you'd
be perfectly astonished to see how hard they've work-
ed, as these papers say, in both Legislaters, to set
things right, and get business a going on well, so that
we can have a governor, and live in peace and har-
mony, and not break out into a civil war, and all be
ruined in a bunch. But it's doubtful if they'll make
out to save us after all; for there is such a set of
Jacksonites and Huntonites, that are all the time a
plotting to bring us to destruction, that I tell ye what
'tis, if something isn't done pretty soon, it'll be gone
goose with us.
These Jacksonites and Huntonites seem to have a
majority in the Legislaters; and they've been making
a proper bother for a most three weeks, so that the
democratic republikins and the national republikins
couldn't do nothing at all. And sometimes Pm really
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 49
afraid they'll have to break up and go home without
doing any thing; and if they do, they say we shall
all be afloat, and there's no knowing where we shall
land. The repubhkins appointed a committee to count
the votes for governor, and the committee told 'eir.
t'other day, there was 39 majority for Mr. Hunton,
and he was elected. But then these Jacksonites and
Hiintonites went to disputing about the matter; and
some say they will dispute it this fortnight yet. What
a blessing it would be if the Legislators were all
democratic and national republikins. The people
are growing pretty mad at all this botheration, and I
can't tell what '11 be the end on't. But I shall write
again to you or cousin Ephraim pretty soon. So I
remain your loving neefu till death.
JACK DOWNING.
P. S. I concluded to send my letters in the Daily
Courier to save postage — the printer said he would n't
show them to any body.
LETTER m.
In which Cousin JVabby advises Mr. Downing to come
home.
Downingville, Jan. 30, 1830.
Dear Cousin Jack. — If you were only here, I
would break the handle of our old birch broom over
your back for serving me such a caper. Here I have
been waiting three weeks for that cotton cloth you
got for the footings; and you know the meeting-house
windows were to have been broke a fortnight ago, if
I had got it. And then I had to tell Sam, I was
waiting for some cotton cloth. He tried to keep in
5
60 LETTERS OF
with all his might, but he burst out a laughing so,
I'm a good mind to turn him off". But if I do, you
and he loill he both in the same pickle. You had better
let them legislaters alone; and if you can't sell your
ax handles, take 'em and come home and mind your
business. There is Jemima Parsons romping about
with the school-master, fair weather and foul. Last
Wednesday she went a sleigh-riding with him, and
to-night she's going to the singing-school, and he is
going to carry her. Last night she came over to our
house, and wanted me to go to uncle Zeke's to borry
their swifts, she said, when she knew we had some,
and had borried them a dozen times. I said nothing,
but went with her. When we got there, who should
we find but the school-master. — I know Jemime knew
it, and went there purpose to have him go home with
her. She never askt for the swifts. Coming home,
the master askt her if she had seen your last letter.
She said yes, and began to laugh and talk about you,
just as tho' I was no relation. She said she guessed
them legislaters would try to make a governor out of
you next, if you staid there much ledger. One of
them steers you sold to Jacob Small that week you
went to Portland, died t'other day; and he says if v/e
have no governor this year, he wont pay you a cent
for 'em. So you have lost your steers and Jemima
Parsons, jest by your dallying about there among
them legislaters. I say you had better come home,
and see to your own business. I spose father and
brother Eph. would like to have you stay there all
winter and tell 'em about the governors and legisla-
ters, but ant wants her tea, and I want my cotton
cloth, so I wish you'd make haste home and bring 'em.
Your loving Cousin,
NABBY.
7h Mr. Jack Downing.
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 51
LETTER IV.
In which Uncle Joshua tells hoiu he ivent to Boston, and
took dinner with the Gineral Court.
[jXote hy the Editor. This letter came through the Boston
Daily Advertiser, and there has always been some doubt whether
it was really written by that respectable and stanch patriot,
Joshua Downing, Esq. The Major says he has often asked him
the question, at which his uncle Joshua would always shake his
head and lauffh, but give no answer. It is written, however, m
the pure style of the Downing family, which is the strongest
evidence we can have that the letter is genuine.]
LeUer from Joshua Downing, in Boston, to his nepheiv, Jack
Downing, in Portland.
Dear Nephew,— I left home just after your letter
to your cousin Ephraim got there, and I didn't get a
sight of your letter to me that you put into the Cou-
rier at Portland, until I saw it in the Daily Adver-
tiser in Boston, and I guess Mr. Hale is the only
person in Boston who takes that are little Courier, so
you was pretty safe about the letter not being seen,
as the printer promised you. — How I happened to see
it here, you will find out before I have got through
with this letter. I guess you wont be a little struck
up when you find out that I'm in Boston — but I had
best begin at the beginning and then I shall get thro'
quicker.
After seeing your letter to Ephraim as I said before,
I concluded it wouldn't be a bad scheme to tackle up
and take a load of turkies, some apple-sauce, and oth-
er notions that the neighbors wanted to get to mar-
ket, and as your uncle Nat would be in Boston with
the ax handles, we all thought best to try our luck
there. Nothing happened worth mentioning on the
road, nor till next morning after I got here and put
up in Elm street. I then got off my watch pretty cu-
riously, as you shall be informed. I was down in the
52 LETTERS OF
bar room, and tho't it well enough to look pretty con-
siderable smart, and now and then compared my watch
with the clock in the bar, and found it as near right
as ever it was — when a feller stept up to me and
ask'd how I'd trade? and says I, for what? and says
he, for your watch — and says I, any way that will be
a fair shake — upon that says he, I'll give you my
watch and five dollars. — Says I, its done! He gave
me the five dollars, and I gave him my watch. Now,
says I, give me ijour watch — and, says he, with a
loud laugh, I han't got none — and that kind aturn'd
the laugh on me. Thinks I, let them laugh that
lose. Soon as the laugh was well over, tiie feller
thought he'd try the watch to his ear — why, says he,
it dont go — no, says I, not without its carried — then
I began to laugh — he tried to open it and couldn't
start it a hair, and broke his thumb nail into the bar-
gain. Won't she open, says he? Not's I know on, says
I — and then the laugh seemed to take another turn.
Don't you think I got off the old Brittania pretty
well, considerin? And then I thought I'd go and see
about my load of turkies and other notions, I ex-
pected to have gone all over town to sell my load, but
Mr, Doolittle told me if I'd go down to the new-
market, I should find folks enough to buy all I had at
once. So down I goes, and a likely kind of a feller,
with an eye like a hawk and quick as a steeltrap for
a trade, (they called him a 4th staller,) came up to
the wagon, and before you could say Jack Robinson,
we struck a bargain for the whole cargo — and come
to weigh and reckon up, I found I should get as much
as 10s6d more than any of us calculated before I left
home, and had the apple-sauce left besides. So I
thought I'd jist see how this 4th staller worked his
card to be able to give us so good a price for the
turkies, and I went inside the market house, and a
grander sight I never expect to see! But it was the
3d staller, instead of the 4th, had my turkies all sort-
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 53
ed and hung up, and looking so much better that I
hardly should known 'em. Pretty soon, a gentleman
asked the 3d staller what he asked for turkies ? Why,
says he, if you want something better than you ever
saw before, there's some 'twas killed last night pur-
pose for you. You may take 'em at 9d, being it's
you. I'll give you 12 cents, said the gentleman, as
I've got some of the General Court to dine with me,
and must treat well. I shant stand for half a cent
with an old customer, says he. And so they traded;
and in about the space of half an hour or more, all
my turkies went into baskets at that rate. The 4th
staller gave me 6d a pound, and I began to think I'd
been a little too much in a hurry for trade — hut's no
use to cry for spilt milk. Then I went up to the
State House to see what was going on there; but I
thought I'd get off my apple-sauce on my way — and
seeing a sign of old clothes bartered, I stepped in
and made a trade, and got a whole suit of superfine
black broadcloth from top to toe, for a firkin of apple-
sauce, (which didn't cost much I guess, at home.)
Accordingly I rigged myself up in the new suit,
and you 'd hardly known me. I did n't like the set
of the shoulders, they were so dreadful puckery; but
the man said that was all right. I guess he '11 find
the apple sauce full as puckery when he gets down
into it — but that 's between ourselves. Well, when
I got up to the State House I found them at work on
the rail road — busy enough I can tell you — they got
a part of it made already. I found most all the
folks kept their hats on except the man who was
talking out loud and the man he was talking to
— all the rest seemed to be busy about their own
consarns. As I did n't see any body to talk to I kept
my hat on and took a seat, and look'd round to see
what was going on. I had n't been setting long
before I saw a slick-headed, sharp-eyed little man,
who seemed to have the principal management of the
54 LETTERS OF
folks, looking at me prety sharp, as much as to say
who are you? but I said nothing and looked tother
way — at last he touched me on the shoulder — I
thought he was feeling of the puckers. Are you a
member? says he — sartin says I — how long have you
taken your seat? says he. About ten minutes, says
I. Are you qualified? says he. I guess not, says I.
And then he left me. I did n't know exactly what
this old gentleman was after — but soon he returned
and said it was proper for me to be qualified before I
took a seat, and I must go before the governor! By
Jing! I never felt so before in all my born days.
As good luck would have it, he was beckoned to come
to a man at the desk, and as soon as his back was
turned I give him the slip. Jest as I was going off,
the gentleman who bought my turkies of the 4th staller
took hold of my arm, and I was afraid at first that he
was going to carry me to the Governor — but he began
to talk as sociable as if we had been old acquaint-
ances. How long have you been in the house, Mr.
Smith, says he. My name is Downing, said I. I
beg your pardon, says he — I mean Downing. It 's
no offence, says I, I hav'nt been here long. Then
says he in a very pleasant way, a few of your brother
members are to take pot-luck with me to day, and I
should be happy to have you join them. What 's
pot-luck said I. O, a family dinner, says he — no
ceremony. I thought by this time I was well quali-
fied for that without going to the Governor. So says
I, yes, and thank ye too. How long before you '11
want me, says I. At 3 o'clock, says he, and gave
me a piece of paste board with his name on it — and
the name of the street, and the number of his house,
and said that would show me the way. Well, says I,
I dont know of nothing that will keep me away. And
then we parted. I took considerable liking to him.
After strolling round and seeing a great many
things about the State House and the marble immage
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 55
of Gin. Washington, standing on a stump in the
Porch, I went out into the street they call Bacon
street, and my stars! what swarms of women folks I
saw all drest up as if they were going to meeting.
You can tell cousin Polly Sandburn, who you know
is no slimster, that she need n't take on so about being
genteel in her shapes — for the genteelest ladies here
beat her as to size all hollow. I dont believe one of
'em could get into our fore dore — and as for their
arms — I should n't want better measure for a bushel
of meal than one of their sleeves could hold. I shant
shell out the bushel of corn you say I 've lost on
Speaker Ruggles at that rate. But this puts me in
mind of the dinner which Mr. wants I should
help the Gineral Court eat. So I took out the piece
of paste board, and began to inquire my way and got
along completely, and found the number the first
time — but the door was locked, and there was no
knocker, and I thumpt with my whip handle, but
nobody come. And says I to a man going by, dont
nobody live here ? and says he yes. Well, how do
you get in? Why, says he, ring; and says I, ring
what ? And says he, the bell. And says I where 's
the rope? And says he, pull that little brass nub; and
so I gave it a twitch, and I 'm sure a bell did ring;
and who do you think opened the door with a white
apron afore him? You could n't guess for a week
a Sundays — so I '11 tell you. It was Stephen Furlong,
who kept our district school last winter, for 5 dollars
a month, and kept bachelor's hall, and helped tend
for Gineral Coombs a training days, and make out
muster rolls. We was considerably struck up at
first, both of us; and when he found I was going to
eat dinner with Mr. and Gineral Court, he
thought it queer kind of doings — but says he, I guess
it will be as well for both of us not to know each
other a bit more than we can help. And says I, with
a wink, you 're half right, and in I went. There was
66 LETTERS OF
nobody in the room but Mr. and his wife, and
not a sign of any dinner to be seen any where — though
I thought now and then when a side door opened, I
could smell cupboard, as they say.
I thought I should be puzzled enough to know
what to say, but I had 'nt my thoughts long to myself.
Mr. has about as nimble a tongue as you ever
heard, and could say ten words to my one, and I had
nothing to do in the way of making talk. Just then
I heard a ringing, and Stephen was busy opening the
door and letting in the Gineral Court, who all had
their hats off, and looking pretty scrumptious, you
may depend. I did 'nt see but I could stand along
side of 'em without disparagement, except to my
boots, which had just got a lick of beeswax and tal-
low — not a mite of dinner yet, and I began to feel as
if 'twas nearer supper-time than dinner-time — when
all at once two doors flew away from each other right
into the wall, and what did I see but one of the gran-
dest thanksgiving dinners you ever laid your eyes on
— and lights on the table, and silver candlesticks and
gold lamps over head — the window shutters closed —
I guess more than one of us stared at first, but we
soon found the way to our mouths — I made Stephen
tend out for me pretty sharp, and he got my plate
filled three or four times with soup, which beat all I
ever tasted. I shan't go through the whole dinner
again to you — but I am mistaken if it cost me much
for victuals this week, if I pay by the meal at Mr.
Doolittle's, who comes pretty near up to a thanksgiv-
ing every day. There was considerable talk about
stock and manufactories, and lier bilities, and rimi-
dies, and a great loss on stock. I thought this a
good chance lor me to put in a word — for I calculat-
ed I knew as much about raising stock and keeping
over as any of 'em. Says I to Mr. , there's
one thing I've always observed in my experience in
stock — just as sure as you try to keep over more stock
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 57
than you have fodder to carry them well into April, one
half will die on your hands, to a sartinty — and there's no
remedy for it — I've tried it out and out, and there's no
law that can make a ton of hay keep over ten cows,
unless you have more carrots and potatoes than you
can throw a stick at. This made some of the folks
stare who did 'nt know much about stock — and Steve
give me a jog, as much as to say, keep quiet. He
thought 1 was getting into a quog-mire, and soon
after, giving me a wink, opened the door and got me
out of the room into the entry.
After we had got out of hearing, says I to Steve,
how are you getting on in the world — should you like
to come back to keep our school if I could get a vote
for you ^ — not by two chalks says Steve — I know which
side my bread is buttered better than all that — I get
12 dollars a month and found, and now and then some
old clothes, which is better than keeping school at 5
dollars and find myself and work out my highway tax
besides — then turning up the cape of my neio coat, says
he, I guess I've dusted that before now — most likely,
says I, but not in our district school. And this brings
to mind to tell you how I got a sight of your letter.
They tell me here that every body reads the Boston
Daily Advertiser, because there is no knowing but
what they may find out something to their advantage,
so I thought I would be as wise as the rest of them,
and before I got half through with it, what should I
find mixed up among the news but your letter that you
put into that Uttle paper down in Portland, and I knew
it was your writing before I had read ten fines of it.
I hope I've answered it to your satisfaction.
Your respectful uncle, JOSHUA DOWNING.
P. S. Mr. Tophff*says your uncle Nat is telegraph-
ed, but I'm afraid the ax handles wont come to much
— I find the Boston folks make a handle of most any
thing they can lay hold of, and just as like as not
58 LETTERS OF
they'll make a handle of our private letters if they
should see them.
jV. B. You spell dreadful had, according to my
notion — and this proves what I always said, that our
district has been going down hill ever since Stephen
Furlong left it.
[jYote by the Editor. In order that the reader may understand
the progress of the war in the Legislature, it should be remarked
that the parties in the Senate were equally divided. There were
eight Huntonites, or national republicans, and eight Smithites,
or democratic republicans, and four vacancies. The battles there-
fore in the Senate were more serious, obstinate, and protracted,
than they were in the House. They balloted regularly for Pres-
ident every day for about a fortnight. To illustrate the state of
affairs at that time, a couple of extracts from the Portland Cou-
rier in relation to the balloting in the Senate are subjoined.]
From the Portland Conner, Jan. 1830.
Saturday forenoon the House having adjourned at
an early hour, we repaired to the Senate Chamber
with the view of standing watch awhile. We arrived
just in the height of a spirited skirmish, or what might
almost be called a battle; but the room was crowded,
and the doorway so impenetrably thronged, that we
could gain no entrance. There was scarcely room
for a man to wedge his nose in, unless it were a re-
markably thin and sharp one. From the subdued and
regular hum within, there was evidently a debate go-
ing on, but we being somewhat low in stature, and a
solid phalanx of sixfooters standing before us, we were
left in the unpleasant predicament of stretching up on
tiptoe without catching a single glimpse of the scene,
and holding our hands behind our ears without distin-
guishing a syllable that was uttered.
The debate however soon subsided. We learnt af-
terwards from inquiry, that it related to the subject of
forming a convention with the House for the purpose
of filling vacancies, before the Senate was organized;
the 8 Huntonites voting in favor of the proposition,
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 59
and the 8 Smithites against it. A vote was then pass-
ed to proceed to ballot for President again; and
luckily for us, the ballot boxes were out in the lobby,
and out came the messenger, cutting his way like a
hero, (we like to have said, hero of New Orleans, but
happened to think some would say we were taking
sides,) we simply say then, he cut his way through
the dense ranks of spectators, like a hero, and we
crept in through the breach he had made. The com-
mittee collected the votes for President, and retired.
In about ten minutes they returned, and declared the
result; 7 for Mr. Dunlap, 7 for Mr. Kingsbury, and 2
scattering.
They collected the votes again, and retired as be-
fore, and returned as before, and declared the same
result. Again they proceeded in the same round, and
came in the third time, and stood ready to declare.
The spectators had become so accustomed to the re-
port, that they were whispering it off in advance of
the committee, like a mischievous and sinful boy run-
ning ahead of some good old country Deacon, who
always uses the same words in prayer. — Judge then,
ye readers of the Courier, what unspeakable aston-
ishment prevailed, when from the lips of the Chairman
fell the startling words, 8 for Sanford Kingsbury, 6
for Robert P. Dunlap, and 2 scattering.
The effect was like that of a clap of thunder in the
dead of winter: some faces grew longer, and some
grew shorter; in some eyes there was a look of wild-
ness; in others a leering complacency, that seemed
to say, ' your're dish'd at last; while some confound-
ed knowing glances from other quarters visibly replied,
'not as you know on.' And to be sure these last
were in the right; for round they went the fourth time,
collected the ballots, counted them, and came in again
— expectation was on tiptoe, and speculation was very
busy. Some thought this ballot would settle the ques-
tion, but others doubted. The Committee declared.
60 LETTERS OF
and the same old tune greeted the ears of the audi-
ence — 7 for Mr. Dunlap, 7 for Mr. Kingsbury, and 2
scattering.
Another extract from the same,
A new Time. — We have to pitch our pipe to a new-
tune this morning. The second great battle of the
session was fought, or rather terminated yesterday af-
ternoon. After a regular engagement for eight days
in succession, during which time the regular armies
of Huntonites and Smithites in the Senate were drawn
up face to face, forenoon and afternoon, exchanging
some half a dozen shots every day, and then retiring
by mutual consent, and sleeping upon their arms, the
conflict was ended yesterday afternoon by a ruse de
guerre on the part of the Huntonites, which led them
to victory without bloodshed. The Senate met in the
afternoon at three o'clock, and proceeded to their
usual round of duties. The committee received the
votes for President, and retired, and came in again,
and declared in the strains of the old tune, 7 for Mr.
Dunlap, 7 for ]Mr. Kingsbury, and 2 scattering. They
proceeded again, and came in as before. It was the
fftieth ballot since the commencement of the session;
and had a fifty pounder been unexpectedly discharged
in the room, it would hardly have produced a stronger
sensation, than the declaration of the Committee,
when they piped away in the following new tune:
whole number of votes 15. Necessary to a choice 8:
Joshua Hall has 8, Robert P. Dunlap 6, James
Steele 1, Blank 1. We shall not attempt to describe
the coloring of faces, the wildness of eyes, or the bit-
ing of lips that ensued; for, not arriving in season we
did not see them. But we have no doubt from the
remarks of those who were present, that the occasion
would have furnished a scene for painting, full equal,
if not surpassing, that in the House on the choice of
Speaker. After the first consternation had subsided,
MAJOR JACK DOWNING, 61
Mr. Hall was declared duly elected President of the
Senate. Whereupon he rose in his place, and thank-
ed the gentlemen of the Board for the confidence
they had placed in him. He doubted his abilities
to discharge properly the duties assigned him; but
under present circumstances he would accept the
trust. He accordingly took the Chair.
[JS'ote hy the Editor. Mr. Hall, or Elder Hall, as he was usu-
ally called, was a democratic republican, but was chosen Presi-
dent exclusively by the national republican votes, he throwing
a blank vote himself. He was a short, fleshy, good hearted old
gentleman, a minister of the Methodist denomination, and knew
much more about preaching than he did about politics. The
democratic repubhcans after their first consternation at his elec-
tion had subsided, fearing that he had actually gone over to
the enemy, took measures to have a private consultation with
him immediately after adjournment. This interview resulted in
nailing the old gentleman to his former political faith, and he
stack to the party like wax during the remainder of the session.
So the Senate was still divided, eight to eight, except when the
four new Senators elected by the national republicans to fill the
vacancies, attempted to act.]
LETTER V.
In which Mr. Downing tells ivhat a hobble the Legisla-
ture got into, in trying to make so manij Governors.
Portland, Feb. 1, 1830.
To Cousin Ephraim Downing up in Downingville.
Dear Cousin Ephrai3i. — I spose you expected
me to write to you agin long afore now and tell you
something more about these legislators, and I meant
to, but I could n't very well: for I'll tell you jest
how twas. — Some days, when the legislator would get
into a plaguy hobble, I would think to myself, well,
soon as they get out of this snarl, I'll write to cousin
Ephraim and tell him all about it ; but before they got
fairly out of that, they'd be right into another; and if I
6
62 LETTERS OF
waited till next day to see how that ended, my keesers!
before night they'd all be higgledy piggle in a worse
hobble than they 'd ever been in afore. So if I wait
to tell you how it comes out, I believe I shall have
to wait till haying time. Another thing I've been
waiting for, was to tell you who was Governor. — But,
dear, I cant find out half so much about it now,
here in this great city of Portland, where all the
Governors live, as I could six months ago among the
bear traps and log houses in our town, way back in
the woods. Last August, you know, according to the
papers we were going to have two Governors right off,
sure as rates; Mr. Hunton and Mr. Smith. Well now
its got to be the first of February, and we haven't got
one yet. And although the governor-makers have had
four or five under way for a month past, some think
it very doubtful whether they will get one done so as
to be fit to use this year. There's Mr. Hunton, and
Mr. Smith, and Mr. Cutler, and Mr. Goodenow, and
Mr. Hall, have all been partly made into Governors;
but when in all creation any of 'em will be finished,
1 guess it would puzzle a Philadelphy lawyer to tell.
I stated in my letter to uncle Joshua, that there were
two very clever parties in the legislater, the demo-
cratic republikans and the national republikans; and
they are so, and very industrious, and try to make
things go on right; and I really believe, if the con-
founded Jacksonites and Huntonites didn't bother 'em
so, they'd make us a Governor, as quick as I could
make an ax handle. It is enough to do any body's
heart good to see how kind and obliging these demo-
cratic republikans and national republikans are to each
other, and how each party tries to help the other
along; and its enough to make any body's blood boil to
see the Jacksonites and Huntonites, jest like the dog in
the manger, because they cant cat the hay themselves,
snap at these two clever parties the moment either of
'em sets out to take a mouthful. I'll jest give you an in-
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 63
stance of the kindness that these two clever parties
show to each other. — You know the constitution says
when we haven't any Governor the President of the Sin-
net must be Governor, and when we have 'nt any Pres-
ident of the Sinnet, the Speaker of the House must be
Governor. So when Governor Lincoln died Mr, Cutler
was Governor for awhile, because he was last year
President of the Sinnet. Mr. Goodenow is a nation-
al republikan, and when he was elected Speaker of
the House, the democratic republikans told him as
there was no President of the Sinnet elected yet, it
belonged to him to be Governor, and tried as hard as
though he had belonged to their own party, to en-
courage him to go right into the council chamber and
do the Governor's business. But the national repub-
likans didn't dare to let him go, for he was elected
by only one majority, and they said if he should leave
the chair, it wouldn't be five minutes before a Jack-
sonite would be whisked into it, and then the two
clever parties would all be up a tree. Well, jest so
twas in the Sinnet after Elder Hall was elected Pres-
ident, only the bread was buttered on tother side.
Elder Hall is a democratic republikan, and there was
a great deal tougher scrabble to elect him, than there
was to choose the Speaker of the House. But as
soon as he was elected, the n^itional republikans went
to him very kindly, and said, ' Elder Hall, by the pro-
visions of the constitution you are now fairly Gov-
ernor of the State till another governor is qualified.
Dont be bashful about it, but please to walk right
into the Council chamber, and do the governor's
business.' But the democratic republikans said, that
would never do, for if he should, the Sinnet Board
would be capsized in an instant and the Huntonites
would rule the roast. — So there was a pair of Gov-
ernors spoilt when they were more than half made,
jest by the mischief of the Jacksonites and Hunton-
ites. And the consequence is, that Mr. Cutler has
64 LETTERS OP
to keep doing the Governor's business yet, whether
he wants to or not, and whether it is right for him to,
or not. They say the poor man is a good deal dis-
tressed about it, and has sent to the great Judges of the
Supreme Court to know whether it's right for him to
be Governor any longer or not. If the Judges should
say he mus 'nt be Governor any longer, we shall be
in a dreadful pickle. Only think, no Governor, and
no laws, but every body do jest as they're a mind to.
Well, if that should be the case, I know one thing,
that is, Bill Johnson will get one good flogging for
calling me a mean puppy and a coward last summer;
I've longed to give it to him ever since; and if the
Legislater don't make a governor this winter, I shall
come right home, and Bill must look out. What a
pity 'tis they should waste so much time trying to
make so many Governors; for, if they should make
a dozen, we shouldn't want to use but one this year;
and it is thought if they had all clapt to and worked
upon one instead of working upon so many, they
might have had him done more than three weeks ago.
Your lovin cuzen till death,
JACK DOWNING.
LETTER VI.
In tvhich Mr. Downing describes a sad mishap that
befell the House of Representatives.
[JVote by the Editor. After a stormy debate in the House in
relation to forming a Convention of the two branches to fill the
vacancies in the Senate, the national republicans finally carried
the day; whereupon the democratic republicans, havintj remon-
strated to the last, took their hats and marched out of the House in
a body, about sixty in number, headed by Mr. Smith of Noble-
borough. The national republicans of the two branches, how-
ever, held the Convention, and filled the vacancies in the Sen-
ate, and the next day the democratic republicans returned to
their seats.]
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. B5
Portland, Tuesday, Feb. 2, 1830.
Dear Cousin Ephraim, — I have jest time to write
you a short postscript to a letter that I shall send you
in a day or two. We have had a dreadful time here
to-day. You know the wheels of government have
been stopt here for three or four weeks, and they all
clapt their shoulders under to-day, and give 'em a
lift; and they started so hard, that as true as you're
alive, theij split both Legislaters right in tu. Some
say they are split so bad, they can't mend 'em again,
but I hope they can though; I shall tell you all about
how 'twas done, in a day or two. I've been expect-
ing a letter from you, or some of the folks, sometime.
As I've got pretty short of money, I wish you would
send 'em in the Daily Courier, so I shant have to
pay the postage.
Your hearty cousin,
JACK DOWNING.
LETTER VII.
In which affairs take a more favourable turn.
Portland, Feb. 3, 1830.
Cousin Ephraim, — I thought I would jest write
you another little postscript to my letter that I was
going to send you in a day or tu, and let you know
that the legislaters want split so bad as some folks
tho't for. They've got 'em both mended agin, so
that they set 'em agoing to day afore noon. But in
the arternoon, that legislator they call the Sinnet,
got stuck, and in trying to make it go, it rather
seemed to crack a little; so they stopt short till to-
morrow. Its been jostled about so, and got so weak
an' rickety, some are afraid it will give out yet, or
split in tu agin. JACK DOWNING.
6*
66 LETTERS OF
LETTER VIII.
In which Mrs. Downing urges her son to come home.
BovnmigviWe, Feb. 6, 1830.
My Dear Son, — Its a good while since I writ a
letter, and I almost forget how; but you stay down
there to Portland so long, I kind of want to say
something to you. I have been churning this morn-
ing, and my hand shakes so I cant hardly hold my
pen still. And then I am afraid the news I've got
to tell, will be such a blow to you, it makes me feel
sort of narvous. Last Sunday the schoolmaster and
Jemima Parsons had their names stuck up together
in the meeting-house porch. — Now I hope you wont
take on, my dear Jack; for if I was you, I should be
glad to get rid of her so. I guess she's rather slack,
if the truth was known: for I went in there one day,
and she'd jest done washing the floor; and I declare,
it looked as gray as if she'd got the water out of
a mud puddle. And then she went to making pies
without washing her hands, or shifting her apron.
They made me stop to supper, but I never touched
Jemime's pies. There's Dolly Spaulding, I'm sure
she's likelier looking than Jemime Parsons, if 'twant
for that habit she's got of looking two ways at once.
If she's making a soup, one eye is always in the
pot, if t'other does look up chimney. She's as good
a cook as ever v/as born, and neat as wax-work.
Sally Kcan was to our house spinning linen t'other
day, because I burnt my hand so bad trying out lard
I couldn't hold the thread, and she said Dolly had
more sheets and pillow-cases than you could count
for one while, and she is always making blankets and
coverlids. She has sold footings enough to buy her
half a dozen silver spoons and a case of knives.
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 67
When I was young, such a gal would had a husband
long ago. The men didn't use to ask if a gal looked
one way, or two ways with her eyes, but whether
she was neat and smart ; only if she had thin lips and
peaked nose, they were sometimes a little shy of her.
Jack, I'm afraid these legislators will be the
ruination of you ! 'Twill make you jest like your
uncle Joshua. You know he had rather stand and
dispute about politiks any time, than work on his
farm, and talking will never build a stone wall or pay
our taxes.
1 dont care so much about the shushon as your
poor cousin Nabby does about the cotton cloth. But
your father has got the rumatise dreadfully this win-
ter; and its rather hard for him to have to cut all the
wood and make the fires this cold winter, I cant
see what good twil do for you to stay in Portland
any longer, and I think you had better come home
and see a little to the work on the farm.
Your loving mother,
MARY DOWNING,
LETTER IX.
In which Mr. Downing tells about trigging the wheels
of government.
Portland, Thursday, Feb. 11, 1830.
Dear Cousin Ephraim. — I 've wrote you three
postscripts since I wrote you a letter, and the reason
is, these Legislators have been carryin on so like all
possest, and I 've been in looking at 'em so much, I
could n't get time to write more than three lines at
once, for fear I should be out of the way, and should
68 LETTERS OF
miss seeing some of the fun. But thinkin you 'd be
tired of waiting, I tried to get the printer to send my
letter yesterday; but he told me right up and down
he could n't. I told him he must, for I ought to
sent before now. But he said he could n't, and
would n't, and that was the upshot of the matter, for
the paper was chock full, and more tu, of the Gov-
ernor's message. Bless my stars, says I, and have
we got a Governor done enough so he can speak a
message.'* Yes, indeed we have, says he, thanks be
to the tivo great repuhlikin parties, who have saved the
State from the anarkee of the Jacksonites and Hun-
tonites; the Governor is done, and is jest a going
into the Legislater, and if you '11 go right up there,
you can see him. So I pushed in among the crowd,
and I got a pretty good squeezin tu; but I got a
good place, for I could elbow it as well as any on
^em. And I had n't been there five minutes, seem-
ingly, before we had a Governor sure enough; and a
good stout, genteel looking sort of a man he was tu,
as you would see in a whole regiment, taking in
captains and all. Nobody disputed that he was fin-
ished pretty workmanlike; and he ought to be, for
they 'd been long enough about it. So they con-
cluded to swear him in, as they call it, and he took a
great oath to behave hke a Governor a whole year.
Some say the wheels of government will go along
smooth and easy now, as a wheel-barrow across a
brick yard; but some shake their heads, and say the
wheels will be jolting over rocks and stumps all
winter yet; and I dont know but they will, for the
Governor had n't hardly turned his back upon 'em
and gone out, before they went right to disputing
agin as hard as ever. I was a good mind to run out
and call the Governor back to still 'em. But I
could n't tell where to look for him, so they got clear
of a drubbing that time. I know he 'd a gin it to 'em
if he 'd been there; for what do you think was the
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 69
first thing they went to disputing about? It was how
many Governor's speeches they should print this
winter; jest as if the Governor could n't tell that
himself. Some wanted three hundred, and some five
hundred, and some seven or eight hundred. Finally
they concluded to print five hundred; and I should
think that was enough in all conscience, if they are
all going to be as long as that one they printed in the
Courier^'yesterday. In the next place, they took up
that everlasting dispute about Mr. Roberts' having a
seat; for if you '11 believe me, they 've kept that poor
man standing there till this time.
I'll tell you how tis. Cousin Ephraim, we must con-
trive some way or other to keep these Jacksonites and
Huntonites owt of the Legislator another year, or we
shall be ruin'd; for they make pesky bad work, trig-
ing the wheels of government. They've triged 'em
so much that they say it has cost the State about fij-
teen thousand dollars a'ready, more than 'twould, if
they had gone along straight without stopping. So
you may tell uncle Joshua that besides that bushel of
corn he lost in betting about the Speaker, he'll have
to shell out as much as tivo bushels more to pay the
cost of triging the wheels. Jingoe! sometimes when
I've seen the wheels chocked with a little trig not
bigger than a cat's head, and the whole legislator
trying with all their might two or three days, and
could'nt start it a hair, how I've longed to hitch on
my little speckled four-year-olds, and give 'em a pull;
if they wouldn't make the wheels fly over the trigs in
a jifiy, I wont guess agin. 'Tother day in the great
convention, when both Legislators met together to
chuse some Counsellors, Mr. Boutelle and Mr. Smith
of Nobleborough tried to explain how 'twas the wheels
of government were trig'd so much. Mr. Boutelle,
as I have told you a-fore, is a national republican,
and Mr. Smith is a democratic republican. They dif-
fered a little in their opinion. Mr. Boutelle seemed to
70 ^ LETTERS OF
think the trigs were all put under by 07ie class of poli-
ticians, and trom what he said, I took it he meant the
Jacksonites. He said ever since the Leojislater be-
gan, the moment they started the wheels, that class
of politicians would throw under a chock and stop
'em; and which ever way they turned, that class of
politicians would meet 'em at every corner and bring
'em up all standin. Mr. Smith seemed to think another
class of politicians had the greatest hand in it, and it
was pretty clear that he meant the Huntonites. He
said when they first got here, that class of politicians
sot the wheels of government rolling the wrong waij;
they put the big wheels forward, and the Legislater
had been going backwards ever since, jest like a lob-
ster. And the Huntonites not only trig'd the wheels,
whenever they begun to roll the right way; but as
soon as the ' blessed Governor ' was done they trig'd
him tu; and though he had been done four days, they
wouldn't let him come into the Legislater so that their
eyes could be blest with the sight of him. So from
what I can find out, the Jacksonites and Huntonites
both, are a troublesome contrary set, and there must
be some way contrived to keep 'em out of the Legis-
later in future.
It seems soon after you got my first letter, uncle
Joshua tackled up, and started off to Boston with a
load of turkeys and apple-sauce. I had a letter from
him t'other day, as long as all out doors, in the Boston
Advertiser. He says he got more for the turkeys
than he expected tu; but I think it's a plaguy pity he
did'nt bring 'em to Portland. I know he'd got more
than he could in Boston. Provision kind is getting
up here wonderfully, on account of these Legislaters
being likely to stay here all winter; and some think
they'll be here half the summer tu. And then there's
sich a cloud of what they call lobby members and
office hunters, that the butchers have got frightened,
and gone to buying up all the beef and pork they can
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 71
get hold on far and near, for they are afraid a famine
will be upon us next. Howsomever, uncle Joshua did
well to carry his ' puckery apple-sauce ' to Boston.
He could 'nt get a cent for't here; for every body's
puckery and sour enough here now.
Give my love to father and mother and cousin
Nabby. I shall answer their letters as soon as I can.
Your lovin Cousin. JACK DOWNING.
LETTER X.
In which Mr. Downing advises his uncle Joshua to hold
on to his bushel of corn, because the Legislature had
begun to ' rip up their duins.'
Portland, Friday, Feb. 12, 1830.
Postcript to uncle Joshua.
fCT' THIS WITH CARE AND SPEED.
Dear Uncle, — If you have'nt paid over that are
bushel of corn yet, that you lost when you bet Mr.
Ruggles would be Speaker, hold on to it for your life,
till you hear from me agin, for I aint so clear but you
may save it yet. They've gone to rippin up their
duins here, and there's no knowing but they may go
clear back to the beginning and have another tug
about Speaker. At any rate, if your bushel of corn
is'nt gone out of your crib yet, I advise you by all
means to keep it there.
Tell 'squire N. the question is'nt settled yet; and
you wont shell out a single kernel till it is fairly nailed
and clinched, so it can't be ript up agin. I'll tell you
what tis, uncle Josh, the Supreme Court beats the
Jacksonites and Huntonites all hollow for trigging the
wheels. You know after they had such a tussle for
72 LETTERS OF
about a week to choose Elder Hall President of the
Sinnet, and after he come in at last all hollow, for they
said he had a majority of eight out of sixteen, they
went on then two or three weeks nicely, duin business
tie and tie, hard as they could. Then up steps the
Judges of the Supreme Court and tells Mr. Hall
he was governor, and ought to go into the Council
Chamber. They seemed to be a little bit thunder
struck at first. But they soon come to agin, and
Elder Hall got out of the chair and Mr. Kingsbury
got into it, and they jogged along another week, duin
business as hard as ever. They said all the chairs
round the table ought to be filled, so they changed
works with the House and made four more Sinneters.
So having four good fresh hands come in, they took
hold in good earnest and turned off* more business in
two days, than they had done in a month before.
Then up steps the Supreme Court agin and tells
'em their cake is all dough; for they hadn't been duin
constitutional. This was yesterday: and it made a
dreadful touse. They went right to work rippin up
and tarrin away what they'd been duin; and before
nine o'clock in the evening they turned out the four
new Sinneters, out of their chairs and appointed a
committee to begin to make four more. They took
hold so hash about it, I spose some the rest of the
Sinneters begun to be afraid they should be ript up
tu; so they clear'd out, I guess near about half on
'em, and have n't been seen nor heard of to-day.
Some of 'em that had more courage went in and tried
to du business; but there wasn't enough of 'em to
start an inch. They sent a man all round town in the
forenoon and afternoon to tell 'em to come in and go
to work, but he could n't find hide nor hair of one of
'em. Elder Hall said he guessed they must be some-
where in a convention.
Some say they'll rip up the new Councillors next,
and then the Governor, cause the new Sinneters helpt
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 73
make 'em all. But there's one comfort left for us,
let the cat jump which way 'twill; if Mr. Hunton is
'nt a constitutional Governor, Elder Hall is; the
Judges have nailed that fast. So I think Bill John-
son will get off with a whole skin, for I shant dare to
flog him this year. If they go clear back to the
Speaker, and decide it in favor of your bushel of
corn, I shall let you know as soon as possible.
Your lovin neffu,
JACK DOWNING.
LETTER XI.
In which Mr. Downing describes some queer duins in
the Senate.
[J\'ote by the Editor. Tlie democratic republicans insisted that
the Convention which filled the vacancies in the Senate was
not constitutional, and refused to recognise the new members
at the Board, and the President refused to count their votes.
After considerable turmoil the four new Senators withdrew ; in
consequence of which several others of the same party withdrew
also, so that there was not a quorum left to do business. After
two or three days, hovvever, they returned, and the new sena-
tors re-asserted their claims to a seat. Great confusion ensued ;
the President refused to count their votes ; and taking the votes
of the other members, he declared the Senate adjourned. The
national republicans refused to consider it an adjournment, kept
their seats, and began to talk of re-organizing the Senate by
choosing a new President. Elder Hall, therefore, fearing the
chair would be immediately filled again if he left it, kept his
seat, but still repeatedly declared the Senate adjourned. The
particulars of the scene are more minutely described in the fol-
lowing letter.]
To Cousin Ephraim Downing up in DowningvUle.
Portland, Wednesday, Feb. 17, 1830.
Dear Cousin Ephraoi, — Here I am yet, and
have n't much else to du, so I might as well keep
writin to you ; for I spose uncle Joshua 's in a peck
7
74 LETTERS OF
of trouble about his bushel of corn. I'm pesky fraid
he'll lose it yet; for they dont seem to rip up worth a
cent since the first night they begun. The truth was
they took hold rather tu hash that night; and rippin
up them are four new Sinneters so quick, they scart
away four or five more old ones, so they did n't dare
to come in again for tu days. And that threw 'em
all into the suds, head and ears. It was worse than trig-
ging the wheels, for it broke the Sinnet wheel right
in tu, and left it so flat, that all Job's oxen never
could start it, if they hadn't got it mended again.
They tried, and tried, to keep duin something, but
they couldn't du the leastest thing. One time they
tried to du something with a little bit of a message
that was sent to 'em on a piece of paper from the
House. The President took it in his hand, and held
it up, and asked 'em what was best to du with it.
Some of 'em motioned that they'd lay it on the table;
but come to consider on it, they found they couldn't
according to the constitution, without there was more
of 'em to help. They said they couldn't lay it on the
table, nor du nothin at all with it. I was afraid the
poor old gentleman would have to stand there and
hold it till they got the wheel mended agin. But I
believe he finally let it drop on the table ; and I spose
there was nothin in the constitution against that.
They got the wheel mended Monday about eleven
er clock, so they could start along a little. But them
are four new Sinneters that they ript up Thursday
night, come right back agin Monday, and sot down to
the great round table; and stood tu it through thick
and thin, that they want ript up, and no sich thing. —
Well, this kicked up a kind of a bobbery among 'em,
so they thought they'd try to journ. The President
counted 'em, and said they were journed and might go
out. One of the new Sinneters said the President
didn't count right, and they want journed a bit; and
they must set still and have an overhauling about it.
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 75
So they set down agin, all but four or five that put
on their hats and great coats and stood backside of
the room. The room was chock full of folk slooking
on, and the President told 'em the Sinnet was journed
and they might as well go out, but they did not seem
to keer tu, and they put their hats on and began to
lau<Th like fun. The President sot still in his cheer,
fori spose he thought if he left it, some of them are
roguish fellers would be gettin into it. The man that
keeps order, told the folks they must take their hats
off when they were in the Sinnet; but they said they
v/ouldn't, cause the Sinnet was ajourned. Then the
man went and asked the President if the Sinnet was
all ajourned, and the President said 'twas, and there
was no doubt about it. And the folks felt so tickled
to think they could wear their hats when the Sinneters
were setting round the great table, that they kind of
whistled a little bit all over the room.
Finally, after settin about half an hour, another
man got up and motioned to ajourn, and the Presi-
dent got up and put it to vote agin. He told 'em if
they wanted to ajourn, they must say ah, and they
all said ah this time, and cleared out in five minutes.
But about this rippin up business; instead of rippin
up the councillors, as some thought they would, both
legislators met together to-day, and called in four of
the councillors, and nailed 'em down harder with an
oath.
They've sot the committees to work like fun now,
and its thought they'll turn off business hand over
hand; for you know its almost March, and then the
great Supreme Court meets here. And they say
they have a grand jury that picks up all disorderly
and mischievous folks, and carries 'em in to court,
and the court puts 'em in jail. These legislators
have been cuttin up such rigs here all winter, that
they begin to look pretty shy when any thing is said
about the first of March, and I dont believe the grand
76 LETTERS OF
jury '11 be able to find a single mother's son of 'em
when the court gets here.
From your cousin,
JACK DOWNING
LETTER XII.
In which Mr. Dowtiing hits upon a new idea for mak-
ing money out of the office-seekers that were swarming
round the new Governor.
Postscript to Ephraim.
Portland, Feb. 23, 1830.
Dear Cousin. — As soon as you get this, I want
you to load up the old lumber-box with them are
long slick bean-poles, that I got out last summer. I
guess I shant make much by my ax handles, for I
can't sell 'em yet; I han't sold but tu since I've
been here; and the sea's been froze over so that un-
cle Ned bant got in from Quoddyyet, and I bant had
any chance to send my ax handles to Boston. But
if I loose on the ax handles, I shall make it up on
the bean poles if you only get 'em here in season.
Do make haste as fast as you can, and you shall
share half the profits.
It ant to stick beans with nuther; and I guess you
'11 kind o' laff, when I tell you what tis for. You know
when we went to the court there was a man sot up
in a box, that they called a Sheriff, and held a long
white pole in his hand. Well I heard somebody say
tother day that there was more than a hundred folks
here that wanted to get a Sheriff's pole; and I hap-
pened to think that them are bean poles would make
cute ones. But you must get 'em here afore the Gov-
kAJOR JACK DOWNING. 77
ernor makes his appintments, or it '11 be gone goose
with us, about it, for we couldn't sell more than half
a dozen arter that.
From your Cousin
^ JACK DOWNING.
LETTER XIII.
Cousin Ephraim in trouble.
Feb. 25, 1830.
Dear Jack.— Here I am, about halfway to Port-
land, with one shu of the old lumber box broke down,
and tother one putty rickety. Its about half the way
bare ground, and the old boss begins to be ruther
wheezy. But you know I don't give up for trifles,
when there's a chance to make a spec. Soon as I
got your letter bout the bean poles, I made business
fly. Mother put me up a box of beef and dough-nuts,
and I fed old gray, and tackled up, and all loaded
and ready to start in tu hours; and if I live I shall
get the bean poles there at some rate or other fore
long; but I'm fraid I may be late. If you know the
Governor, I wish you'd just ask him to keep his ap-
pointments back a little while; he shant loose nothin
by it, if the poles sell well. I shall have to go the
rest of the way on wheels, and I want you to see if
you cant hire one of the government wheels and
come and meet me, for the plagy fellers here wont
trust me with their wheels till I get back. Besides
if I could get one of the wheels of government, I'm
thinking I could get along a good deal faster; for I
met a man jest now from Portland that said they've
got them are wheels going now like a buz. He
said there was no wheels in the country that could
go half so fast; and he thinks they work a good
deal better for being split up and mended so much.
7*
78 LETTERS OF
Grandfather said they would want as many cockades
as Sheriff polls; and so he put in his old continental
one, that he had in the revolution.
P. S. I hope you'll get the government wheels
to come arter the poles, for I want some that are putty
easy trig'dj cause the hills are ruther slippery.
Your Cusin,
EPHRAIM DOWNING.
LETTER XIV.
In which Mr. Downing descnbes a severe tug at the
wheels of government.
yVote bij the Editor. The opinion of the Judges of the Su-
preme Court having been asked, they decided that the vacancies
in the Senate were not constitutionally filled, and that the sub-
sequent doings of the Legislature were consequently void.]
Portland, March 3, 1830.
To Cousin Ephraim Downing, stuck by the way.
You sent word to me in your letter t'other day,
that you had got to bare ground, and broke down one
shu of the lumber box, and wanted me to get the
wheels of Government and come up after the poles.
I tried to get 'em, but they would 'nt let 'em go; and
they said 'twould 'nt be any use if I did; for I could
'nt get more than ten rods before the wheels would
be trig'd. They were expecting of 'em to be trig'd
every day, they said; for the Judges had sent a mon-
strous great trig to the Governor, and told him if
they went to start the wheels forward any, he must
clap it under; for they must 'nt go forward a bit more,
and must roll the wheels back a good ways, till they
found the right road. Well, sure enough, Tuesday,
when they was goin along a little easy, some on 'em
threw the trig right under, and it brought 'em up with
a dreadful jolt.
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 79
And then, my stars, if the Sinneters didn't go at
it tie and tie, like smoke. The national republi-
cans pulled one way, and the democratic republicans
'tother, with all their might, jest as you and I used
to set down and brace our feet against each other,
and take hold of a stick to see which could pull tother
up. They pulled and grinned all day, but nary side
couldn't pull up tother. The national repubhcans
said they wouldn't stop for that little trig, nor no
notion of it; and they pulled the wheels forward as
hard as they could. The democratic republicans
braced their feet tother way, and said the wheels
shouldn't move another inch forward; they had got
on to a wrong road, and the Judges had put that trig
there to keep 'em all from goin to destruction; and
they tried all day as hard as they could to roll the
wheels back to find the right road. They pulled like
my little tu year olds all day, but I couldn't see
as they started the wheels backwards or forwards a
single hair. This morning they hitched on and took
another jest sich a pull. The national republicans
said they knew the road as well as the Judges did,
and they were goin right and wouldn't touch to go
back; the road was a good plain smooth road, and
there wasn't a mite of danger in goin on. The de-
mocratic republicans said they could hear some pretty
heavy thundering along that road, and they'd not go
another step that way; but they stood tu it they want
afraid of the thunder. The national republicans said
they'd heard thunder before now, and seen dreadful
black clouds all over the sky, and they'd seen a fair
afternoon and a bright rainbow after all that. So
they pulled and disputed, and disputed and pulled,
till most noon, and then they concluded to stop and
breath upon it till to-morrow, when I spose they will
spit on their hands to make 'em stick and begin as
hard as ever.
I hope you'll make haste and get the poles along;
80 LETTERS OF
if you cant get any wheels up there, you better tie
up a couple of bundles of 'cm and swing 'em acrost
the old horse, saddle-bags fashion. You'll get well
paid for it, if you get 'era here in season.
Your cousin,
JACK DOWNING.
LETTER XV.
In which Mr. Downing tells what it means to set up a
candidate for office.
Portland, Tuesday, March 16, 1830.
To Uncle Joshua Downing up in DowningvUle.
Dear Uncle Joshua — I guess by this time, its
so long since I writ home, you almost begin to think
Jack is sick or dead, or gone down to Quoddy long
with uncle Nat, or somewhere else. But you needn't
think any sich thing, for here I am sticking to Port-
land like wax, and I guess I shant pull up stakes
agin this one while. The more I stay to Portland the
better Hike it. Its a nation fine place; there's things
enough here for any body to see all their life time.
I guess I shall tell you something about 'em before
summer's out. These Legislaters haven't done nothin
scarcely worth telling about this most a fortnight.
I've been in most every day jest to take a squint at
'em. There was n't hardly a bit of a quarrel to be
heard of from one day's end to another. They were
all as good-natured and loving as a family of brothers,
that had been living out all summer, and had jest got
home together at thanksgiving time. They kept to
work as busy as bees upon pieces of paper that they
called Bills. Sometimes they voted to read 'em once,
sometimes twice, and sometimes three times. At
last the sun begun to shine so warm, that it made 'em
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. bl
think of planting time, and at it they went, passing
Bills by the gross, [probably a mistake for to be en-
grossed, — Editor,] till they settled 'em away like a
heap of corn at a husking, before a barnful of boys
and gals. And they've got so near the bottom of the
heap, they say they shall brush out the floors in a day
or two more, and start off home. I spose they wont
mind it much if they do brush out some of the ears
without husking; they've had their frolic and their
husking supper, and I guess that's the most they
come for. It seems to me, uncle Joshua, it costs our
farmers a great deal more to husk out their law-corn
every winter than it need tu. They let tu many noisy
talking fellers come to the husking. I've always
minded, when I went to a husking, that these noisy
kind of chaps seem to care a good deal more about
v/hat they can get to eat and drink, than they du about
the corn; and them are that don't make much fuss,
are apt to husk the most and make the cleanest work.
O dear, uncle, there's a hot time ahead. I almost
dread to think of it. I'm afraid there is going to be
a worse scrabble next summer to see who shall go to
the great State husking than there was last. The
Huntonites and Smithites are determined to have
each of 'em a governor agin next year. They've sot
up their candidates on both sides; and who in all the
world should you guess they are? The Huntonites
have sot up Mr. Hunton, and the Smithites have sot
up Mr. Smith. You understand what it means, I
spose, to set up a candidate. It means the same
that it does at a shooting match to set up a goose or
a turkey to be fired at. The rule of the game is that
the Smithites are to fire at Mr. Hunton, and the
Huntonites are to fire at Mr. Smith. They think it
will take a pretty hard battle to get them both in. But
both parties say they've got the constitution on their
side, so I think likely they'll both beat.
They've been piling up a monstrous heap of ammu-
82 LETTERS OF
nition this winter, enough to keep 'em firing all sum-
mer; and I guess it wont be long before you'll see
the smoke rising all over the State, wherever there's
a newspaper. 1 think these newspapers are dreadful
smokj things; they are enough to blind any body's
eyes any time. I mean all except the Daily Conner
and Familij Reader, that I send my letters in; I never
see much smoke in them. But take the rest of the
papers, that talk about politics, and patriotism, and
republicanism, and federalism, and Jacksonism, and
Hartford Conventionism, and let any body read in
one of 'em half an hour, and his eyes will be so full
of smoke he can't see better than an owl in the sun-
shine; he would n't be able to tell the difference be-
tween a corn-stalk and the biggest oak tree in our
pasture.
You know, uncle, these Legislaters have had some
dreadful quarrels this winter about a book they call
the constitution: and had to get the Judges of the
great Court to read it to 'em. They made such a
fuss about it I thought it must be a mighty great book,
as big agin as grandfather's great bible. But one day
I see one of the Sinneters have one, and my stars,
it was n't so big as my old spelling book. Thinks I
to myself, if ax handles will buy one, I'll have one
and see if I cant read it myself. So I went into a
store where they had a nation sight of books, and
asked 'em for a constitution. They showed me some
nice little ones, that they asked a quarter of a dollar
apiece for. I was out of money, so I told the man
I'd give him four good white oak ax handles, well fin-
ished, for one: and he said, being 'twas me, I might
have it. So now I've got a constitution of my own,
and if I find I can read it, I shall let you know some-
thing about what's in it before a great while.
Your neflfu,
JACK DOWNING.
MAJOR JACK DOWNING.
LETTER XVI.
In which Mr. Downing tells how the Legislature cleared
out, and hoio Elder Hall went home.
To Cousin Ephraim Downing up in Downingville.
Portland, Monday, March 22, 1830.
Cousin Ephraim, — I kind of want to say a few
more words to you about the Legislaters. You know
they came together here in the first of the winter in
a kind of a stew, and they had storms and tempests
among 'em all the time they staid here, and finally
they went off" Friday in a sort of whirlwind or hurri-
cane, I dont know which. Some folks say they hope
it will blow 'em so far they wont get back again. —
But I guess there aint much danger of that ; for you
know squire Nokes always used to say the bad penny
will return. They were dreadful kind of snappish the
last day they were here; they couldn't hardly touch
a single thing without quarrelling about it. — They
quarrelled about paying some of the folks they hired
to work for 'em; and they quarrelled ever so long
about paying them are four Sinneters that were
chosen in the convention; and at last they got to
quarrelling hke cats and dogs to see if they should
thank the President and Speaker for all the work
they've done this winter. But they had to thank 'em
at last. And then Mr. Goodnow, the Speaker in that
Legislater they call the House, got up and talked to
'em so pleasant, and kind, and scripture-like, it made
'em feel a little bad; some of 'em couldn't hardly
help shedding tears. I tho't them are, that had been
quarrelling so, must feel a little sheepish.
That are Elder Hall, that was President of the
Sinnet, seemed to be the most poplar man in the
whole bunch of both Legislaters. There wasn't one
of the rest of 'em that could work it so as to make
84 LETTERS OF
both parties like 'em. But some how or other, he
did. The national republicans liked him so well,
that thej all voted for him for President; and the
democratic republicans liked him so well, that they
all voted to thank him when they went away. And I
dont so much wonder at it, for he seemed to me to be
about the cleverest, good-natured old gentleman that
ever I see.
Its true the old gentleman had rather hard work to
keep the wheels of government going in the Sinnet
this winter; and they would get trig'd every little
while in spite of all he could do. I spose this made
him rather shy of all kinds of wheels; for he wouldn't
go home in a stage, nor a wagon, nor a shay. These
kind of carts all have wheels, and I spose he thought
they might get trig'd and he wouldn't hardly get home
all summer. So he concluded to go by water; and
he went aboard a vessel Saturday night, and sailed
for down east; and as true as you are alive, before
the next day noon the wheels of the vessel got trig'd;
tho' they said the vessel didn't go on wheels, but
some how or other it got trig'd, and back they came
next day into Portland again, and there they had to
stay till Monday, because the wind didn't blow ac-
cording to the constitution. But President Hall you
know isn't the man to leave his post in time of diffi-
culty; so he never adjourned, nor camiC ashore, but
stuck to the rack till Monday, when a good constitu-
tional breeze sprung up, and they sot sail again. And
I wish him a pleasant passage home, and peace and
happiness after he gets there; for as I said afore, I dont
think there's a cleverer man any where down east.
I was going to tell you something about a town meet-
ing that I've been tu to-day; but as uncle Joshua is
sleckman and survayor I spose he would like to hear
about it more than you, so I guess I shall write to him.
From your cousin,
JACK DOWNING.
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 85
LETTER XVII.
In which Mr. Downing hints to Uncle Joshua that he
has a prospect of being nominated for Governor.
To Uncle Joshua Downing up in Downingville.
Portland, April 14, 1830.
Uncle Joshua, — I spose you remember that are
story about the two dogs, that uncle Joe Downing
used to tell; how they got to fighting, and snapped
and bit, till they eat each other up, all but jest the tip
ends of their tails. Now I never could exactly see
through that story, enough to know how it was done,
till lately. I almost thought it was a kind of tough
yarn, that had been stretched a good deal. But fact,
uncle, I begin to think it 's true, every word on't;
for there 's something going on here as much like it
as two peas in a pod. The Portland Argus and the
Portland Advertiser, have fell afowl of each other
and gone to biting one another's noses off. And if
they keep on as they 've began, I guess before sum-
mer is out they '11 not only eat each other all up, tails
and all, but I believe they are going to devour them
are tu outrageous wicked parties, that plagued the
legislature so all winter; I mean the Jacksonites and
the Huntonites. They 've only been at it a week or
two, and they 've made quite a hole into 'em aready.
The Advertiser eats the Jacksonites, and the Argus
eats the Huntonites, and they are thinning of 'em
off pretty fast. This will be a great comfort to the
State, as it will give the two republican parties a
chance to do something another winter. The Adver-
tiser has eat up the Jacksonites in some places away
down east, such as Eastport and so on, and away
up tother way in Limerick, and Waterborough, and
Fryeburg.
And the Argus has eaten up the Huntonites in
8
86 LETTERS OF
Newfield, and Sanford, and Berwick, and Vinalha-
ven, and so on. All these towns on both sides now
have good fair republican majorities. I spose about
by the middle ot" next August they '11 get 'em all
killed off so there wont be the skin of a Jacksonite
or Huntonite left to be sent to the next legislature.
I hope, uncle Joshua, you will be more careful
about meddling with politics; for so sure as you get
hitched on to the Jackson party or the Hunton party,
these barking, deep mouthed creatures will fix their
teeth upon you, and you '11 be munched down before
you know it.
There 's one thing, uncle, that seems to wear pretty
hard upon my mind, and plagues me a good deal; I
have n't slept but little this tu three nights about it.
I wish you would n't say any thing about it up there
amongst our folks, for if it should all prove a fudge,
they 'd be laughing at me. But I tell it to you,
because I want your advice, as you 've always read
the papers, and know considerable about political mat-
ters; tho' to be honest I dont spose any one knows
much more about politics by reading the papers, after
all.
But what I was going to tell you, is — now, uncle,
dont twist your tobacco chaw over to tother corner
of your mouth and leer over your spectacles, and
say Jack 's a fool — what I was going to tell you, is
this: I see by a paper printed down to Brunswick,
that they talk of nominating me for Governor to run
down Smith and Hunton. Think of that, uncle;
your poor neefu Jack, that last summer was hoeing
about among the potatoes, and chopping wood, and
making stone walls, like enough before another sum-
mer comes about, will be Governor of the State. I
shall have a better chance to flog Bill Johnson then,
than I should last winter, if we had n't had no Gov-
ernor nor no laws; for I spose a Governor has a
right to flog any body he 's a mind to.
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 87
But that 's nither here nor there, uncle; I want
your serious advice. If they 7iominate me, had I better
accepil Sometimes I 'm half afraid I should n't
understand very well how to du the business; for I
never had a chance to see any governor business
done, only what I see Elder Hall du in the Smnet
chamber last winter. Poor man, that makes me
think what a time he had going home. I wrote to
you before that he went by water, and that the vessel
got trig'd by an unconstitutional wind the first day
and had to come back again. And he must have
found a good many hard trigs after that, for he did n't
get home til 2d day of April.
Where he was, in that dreadful storm the 26th of
March I have 'nt heard. But I should think after
standing the racket he did last winter in the legislator,
and then this ere storm at sea, he never need to fear
any thing on land or water again in this world.
I wish you 'd write me what you think about my
being a candidate for Governor, and whether you
think I could get along with the business. Consider-
able part of the business I should n't be a mite afraid
but what I could du ; that is, the turning out and put-
tino- in. I know every crook and turn of that busi-
ness; for I dont believe there 's a boy in our county,
though I say it myself, that 's turned out and tied up
mortcattle than I have. And they say a Governor
has a good deal of this sort of work to du.
No more at present from your loving neefu,
JACK DOWNING.
88 .LETTERS OP
LETTER XVIII.
In which Uncle Joshua discovers remarkable skill in the
science of politics, and advises Mr. Downing by all
means to stand as a candidate for governor.
Downingville, April 18, 1830.
To my neffu, Jack Downing, at Portland.
Dear Jack — I never felt nicer in my life than I
did when I got your last letter. I did think it was a
kind of foolish notion in you to stay down there to
Portland all winter, and then hire out there this sum-
mer. I thought you better be at home to work on
the farm; for your father, poor old gentleman, is
hauled up with the rumatize so, he wont be able to
du hardly a week's work this summer. But I begin
to believe Jack knows which side his bread is but-
tered yet. For if you can only run pretty well as
a candidate for Governor, even if you shouldn't be
elected, it will be worth more to you than the best
farm in this County. It will be the means of getting
you into some good office before long, and then you
can step up, ye see, from one office to another till
you get to be Governor. But if the thing is managed
right, I am in hopes you'll get in this time, and the
Downings will begin to look up, and be somebody.
Its a very good start, your being nominated in that
are paper down to Brunswick. But there's a good
deal to be done yet, to carry it. I'm older than you
are, and have seen more of this kind of business done
than you, and of course ought to know more about
it. Besides, you know I've always been reading the
papers. Well, in the first place, you must fix upon
the name of your party; I'm thinking you better call
it the democratic national I'epiiblican party, and then,
ye see, you'll haul in some from both of the two
clever parties in the State. As for the Jacksonites
and Huntonites, I wouldn't try to get any support
MAJOR JACK DOWNING, 89
from them; for after such rigs as they cut up in the
Legislater last winter, the people back here in the
country dont like 'em very well. I think it would hurt
you to have any thing to do with 'em. Then you
must get a few of your friends together in Portland,
no matter if there aint no more than half a dozen, and
pass some patriotic resolutions, and then publish the
duins of the meeting in the paper, headed the voice
OF THE People: and then go on to say, at a nume-
rous and respectable meeting of democratic national
republicans held in Portland at such a time, &c.
Resolved unanimously, that we have perfect confi-
dence in the exalted talents, the unspotted integrity,
and well known patriotism of Mr. Jack Downing, [or
perhaps it should be the Hon. Jack Downing] and that
we cheerfully recommend him to the people of this
State as a candidate for the office of Governor.
Resolved, that his well known attachment to the
interests, the principles, and usages of the democratic
national republican party, eminently entitles him to
their confidence and support.
Resolved, as the sense of this meeting, that nothing
short of the election of that firm patriot, the Hon.
Jack Downing, can preserve the State from total, ab-
solute, and irretrievable destruction.
Resolved, that a County Convention be called to
ratify the doings of this meeting, and that the demo-
cratic national republicans in other counties be re-
quested to call conventions for the same purpose.
Resolved, that the proceedings of this meeting be
published in all the democratic national republican
newspapers in the State.
We will then get up such a meeting in this town,
and pass some more highly patriotic resolutions and
send 'em down, and you must have 'em put into the
paper headed a voice from the country. And then
we must get a few together somewhere, and call it a
county convention, and keep rolling the snow ball over,.
8*
90 ' LETTERS OF
till we wind up the whole State in it. Then, ye see,
about the first of August we must begin to pin it down
pretty snug in the papers. Kind of touch it up some
how hke this: extract of a letter from a gentleman of
the first respectability in York County to the central
committee in Portland. ' The democratic national
republicans here are wide awake; York County is
going for Mr. Downing, all hollow: we shall give him
in this county at least a thousand majority over both
Smith and Hunton.' Another from Penobscot: ' three
quarters of the votes in this county will be given to
Mr. Downing: the friends of Smith and Hunton have
given up the question, so satisfied are they that there
is no chance for them.'
Another from Kennebec: ' from information receiv'
ed from all parts of the State, upon which perfect
reliance may be placed, we are enabled to state for
the information of our democratic national republican
friends, that there is not the least shadow of doubt
of the election of Mr. Downing. It is now rendered
certain beyond the possibility of mistake, that he will
receive from five to ten thousand majority over both the
other candidates.'
If this don't carry it, you'll have to hang up your
fiddle till another year. And after the election is over,
if you shouldn't happen to get hardly any votes at all,
you must turn about with perfect indifference, and say
the democratic national republicans didn't try — made
no effort at all — but will undoubtedly carry the elec-
tion next year all hollow.
P. S. If you get in, I shall expect my son Ephraim
to have the office of Sheriff in this County, for he's
got some of the bean poles left yet, that he sot out to
carry to market last winter. The other offices we'll
distribute at our leisure.
Your affectionate old uncle,
JOSHUA DOWNING.
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 9J
LETTER XIX.
In which Mr. Downing gives his opinion about newspapers.
Portland, March 30, 1830.
Dear Uncle Joshua — In my last letter to Ephraim,
I said I should write to you pretty soon something
about the Portland Town Meeting. As you've been
sleckman and survare a good many years, I spose
you'd like to hear about sich kind of things. And I
spose I might tell you about a good many other things
tu, that you don't have much chance to know about
away up there; and aunt Sally says I ought tu; for
she says I have a great many advantages living here
in Portland, that folks can't have up in the country,
and if I should write to some of you once or twice a
week, she thinks it would be time well spent. So I
shall spend part of my evenings, after I get my day's
work done, in writing letters. I don't know but I
forgot to tell you that I had hired out here this sum-
mer. I get eight dollars a month and board, and
have the evenings to myself I go to school three
evenings in a week, and aunt Sally says she can be-
gin to see that I spell better already. The printer
of the Courier and the Family Reader, that sends my
letters for me, is very kind; he does'nt ask any thing
for sending my letters, and he gives me as many
newspapers as I can get time to read. So I spend
one evening in a week reading newspapers, and set
up pretty late that evening tu. And besides I get a
chance to read awhile most every morning before the
rest of the folks are up ; for these Portland folks are
none of your starters in the morning. I've known my
father many a time, before the rhumatiz took the poor
old gentleman, to mow down an acre of stout grass
in the morning, and get done by that time one hedf
92 LETTERS OP
the Portland folks leave off snoring. Sometimes I
think I better be up in the country tu, mowing or
hoeing potatoes, or something else, instead of reading
newspapers. Its true they are bewitching kind of
things, and I like well enough to read 'em, but jest
between you and me, they are the worst things to
bother a feller's head about, that you ever see. In
one of my letters, you know, I said newspapers were
dreadful smoky things, and any body couldn't read in
'em half an hour without having their eyes so full
of smoke they couldn't tell a pig-sty from a meeting-
house.
But I'm thinking after all they are more like rum
than smoke. You know rum will sometimes set quite
peaceable folks together by the ears, and make them
quarrel like mad dogs — so do the newspapers. Rum
makes folks act very silly — so do the newspapers.
Rum makes folks see double — so do the newspapers.
Sometimes rum gets folks so they can't see at all — so
do the newspapers. Rum, if they take tu much of it,
makes folks sick to the stomach — so do the newspapers.
Rum makes folks go rather crooked, reeling from one
side of the road to t'other — and the newspapers make
one half the politicians cross their path as often as
any drunkard you ever see. It was the newspapers,
uncle Joshua, that made you bet about the Speaker
last summer, and lose your bushel of corn. Remem-
ber that, uncle, and dont believe any thing you see
in the papers this summer, unless you see it in the
Daily Courier or Family Reader; and dont you be-
lieve them neither if ever you see them smoke like
the rest of the papers.
As I was a saying about my evenings, I spend one
evening a week reading that little book called the con-
stitution, that kept our legislators quarrelling all win-
ter. You know I bought one for four ax-handles; I
find I can read it considerable easy, most all of it
without speUing, and when I get through I shall tell
you something about it.
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 93
A queer thought, uncle, has just popt into my head:
I guess I should make a capital member of Congress —
for this letter is just like one of the Congress speech-
es. It begun about the town meeting, but not a bit
of a word is there in it from beginning to end about
the town meeting, after you get over the text. But
I hnd by reading the papers that when a Congress
man speaks all day without touching his subject, he
makes a motion to adjourn, and goes at it again the
next day. So I believe I must say good night to you
now, and try it again the next leisure evening.
Your loving neffu,
JACK DOWNING.
LETTER XX.
In which Mr. Downing tells how to distinguish one re-
publican party from another.
Uncle Joshua, — Did you ever see tu dogs get to
quarrelhng about one bone.^ How they will snap and
snarl about it, especially if they are hungry. Some-
times one will get it into his mouth and hook it away
hke smoke, and t'other arter him full chisel. And
when he overtakes him they'll have another scratch,
and drop the bone, and then t'other one '11 get it, and
off he goes hke a shot. And sometimes they both get
hold together, one at one end and one at t'other, and
then sich a tugging and growlin you never see. Well
now, when they act so, they act jest like the Portland
Argus and Portland Advertiser; two great big growl-
ers, they are all the time quarrelling about their Re-
94 LETTERS OF
publikin, to see which shall have it. If the Advertiser
says any thing about his republikin, the Argus snaps
at it, and says 'tisn't your republikin, its mine. You
no business to be a republikin, you are a Federalist.
And when the Argus says any thing about his re-
publikin, the Advertiser flies up, and says, you no
business to be a republikin, you're a Jacksonite. And
so they have it up hill and down, bark, bark, and tug,
tug, and which'll get the republikin at last I cant tell.
Sometimes they get so mad, seems as though they'll
tear each other all to pieces, and there's forty thou-
sand folks setting of 'em on and hollering stooboy.
Now there wasn't any need of all this quarrel, for
each of 'em had a republikin last winter; the Argus
had a democratic one, and the Advertiser had a na-
tional one, and they got 'em mixed by leaving off the
chrissen names. And I guess it would puzzle a Phil-
adelphy lawyer to tell 'em apart without their names,
for their republikins are as much alike as tu peas in
a pod.
The Advertiser never should say republikin alone,
but national republikin, and the Argus never should
say republikin alone, but democratic republikin. And
then it seems as though each one might know his
own bone and knaw it without quarrelling.
I thought, uncle, I'd jest tell you a little about this
ere business, because I know you always want to find
out all the kinks about politiks.
Your neffu,
JACK DOWNING.
P. S. I dont hear any thing yet about the con-
vention up there that you promised to make to nom-
inate me for Governor. I think its time it was out;
for I am afraid Mr. Hunton and Mr. Smith will get
the start of me, if I aint under way soon. J. D.
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 95
Grand Caucus at Downingmlle.
From the Portland Courier of July 21, 1830.
]ST THE LONG AGONY OVER, XD
Jlnd the domination out.
We delay this paper something beyond the usual
hour of publication in order to lay before our readers
the important intelligence received yesterday from
Downingville. — This we have been able to accomplish
tho' not without extraordinary exertions and extra
help. But the crisis is important, we had almost said
appalling, and demands of every patriotic citizen of
Maine the highest sacrifices in his power to make.
The important proceedings of the grand convention
at Downingville reached here, by express, yesterday
about a quarter before 3 o'clock P. M. having trav-
elled the whole distance, notwithstanding the extreme
high temperature of the weather, at the rate of thir-
teen and a half miles an hour. And but for an
unfortunate occurrence, it would undoubtedly have
reached here at least three hours earlier. Capt. Jehu
Downing, who with his characteristic magnanimity
and patriotism volunteered to bring the express the
whole way, having taken a very high spirited steed
for the first ten miles, was unfortunately thrown to
the ground in attempting to leap a barrier which lay
across the road. Two of his ribs were broken by the
fall, and his right arm so badly fractured that it is
feared amputation must be resorted to, besides seve-
ral other severe contusions on various parts of the
body. We are happy to hear however that Doctor
Zachariah Downing, who on hearing the melancholy
intelligence very promptly repaired to the spot to
offer his professional services, pronounces the Cap-
tain out of danger, and also that the Captain bears
his misfortune with his accustomed fortitude, ex-
pressly declaring that the only regret he feels on the
96 LETTERS OF
occasion is the delay of the express. Here is patri-
otism, a devotedness to the welfare of the country,
and to genuine democratic national republican prin-
ciples, worthy of the days of the revolution.
Lieut. Timothij Downing forwarded the express the
remainder of the way with the utmost despatch,
having run down three horses, one of which died on
the road. — But we keep our readers too long from
the gratifying intelligence received.
Grand Democratic JYational Republican Convention.
Downingville, Monday, July 19, 1830.
At a large and respectable meeting of the demo-
cratic national republicans of Downingville and the
neighboring parts of the state, convened this day at
the centre school house, the meeting was called to
order by the venerable and silver-haired patriarch,
old Mr. Zbbedee Downing, who had not been out to a
political meeting before for the last twenty-five years.
The venerable old gentleman stated in a few feeling
remarks the object of the meeting; that he had not
meddled with politics since the days of Jetferson; but
that now in view of the awful calamities which threat-
ened to involve our country in total ruin, he felt it
his duty the little remaining time he might be spared
from the grave, to lift up his voice and his example
before his children, grand children, and great grand
children whom he saw gathered around him, and en-
courage them to save the country for which he had
fought and bled in his younger years. After the en-
thusiastic applause elicited by these remarks, the old
gentleman called for the nomination of a chairman,
and Joshua Downing, Esquire, was unanimously
called to the chair, and Mr. Ephraim Downing ap-
pointed Secretary.
On motion of Mr. Jacob Downing, voted, that a
committee of five be appointed to draft resolutions to
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 97
lay before this meeting. Whereupon Jotham Down-
ing, Ichabod Downing, Zenas Downing, Levi Down-
ing, and Isaiah Downing, were appointed said com-
mittee, and after retiring about five minutes, they re-
turned and reported the following preamble and reso-
lutions.
Whereas an awful crisis has arrived in the political
affairs of our country, our public men all having turned
traitors, and resolved to ruin the country, and make
us and our children all slaves forever; and whereas
our ship of state and our ship of the United States,
are both driven with tremendous violence before the
fury of the political tempest, and are just upon the
point of being dashed upon the breakers of political
destruction; and whereas, nothing short of the most
prompt and vigorous exertions of the patriotic de-
mocratic national republicans of this state and of the
United States can avert the impending danger,
And whereas, the Jacksonites, and Adamsites, and
Huntonites, and Smithites, have so multiplied in the
land, and brought things to such a pass, that our lib-
erties are unquestionably about to receive their doom
forever:
Therefore Resolved, that it is the highest and most
sacred duty of every patriotic Democratic National
Republican in the State, to arouse himself and buckle
on his political armour, and make one last, one mighty
effort, to save the state and the country, and place the
constitution once more upon a safe and firm foundation.
Resolved, that the awful crisis of affairs in this State
requires a firm devoted patriot, a high-minded and
gifted statesman, and a uniform unwavering Demo-
cratic National Republican, for chief magistrate.
Resolved, that in this awful crisis, we believe the
eyes of all true patriots are turned upon
THE HON. JACK DOWNING,
late of Downingville, but since last winter a resident
in Portland, the capital of the State.
9
98 LETTERS OF
Resolved, that we have the fullest confidence in the
talents, integrity, moral worth, tried patriotism, and
unwavering and unchangeable sterling Democratic
National Republicanism of the Hon. Jack Downing,
and that his election to the office of Governor in Sep-
tember next, and nothing else, can save the State
from total, unutterable, and irretrievable ruin.
Resolved therefore. That we recommend him to the
electors of this State as a candidate for said office,
and that we will use all fair and honourable means,
and, if necessary, will not stick at some a little dis-
honourable, to secure his election.
Resolved, That we disapprove of personal crimina-
tion and re-crimination in political contests, and there-
fore will only say of our opponents, that we think
them no better than they should be, and that they
unquestionably mean to destroy the land we live in.
Resolved, That it be recommended to all the patri-
otic democratic national republicans throughout the
State, to be up and doing; to call county meetings,
town meetings, school district meetings, and village
and bar-room meetings, and proceed to organize the
party as fast as possible, by appointing standing com-
mittees, and central committees, and corresponding
committees, and bearers and distributers of handbills;
and in short by doing every thing that the good of
the cause and the salvation of the country requires.
Resolved, conditionally, That in case General Jack-
son should be likely to be re-elected, we highly and
cordially approve of his administration, and believe
him to be second to none but Washington; but in,
case he should stand no chance of re-election, we re-
solve him to be the ignorant tool of a corrupt faction,
plotting to destroy the liberties of the country.
Resolved, That the thanks of this convention 'be
presented to Miss Abigail Dowmng, for the use of her
school room this afternoon, she having with a gener-
ous patriotism dismissed her school for that purpose.
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 99
Resolved, That the proceedings of this convention,
signed by the Chairman and Secretary, be published
in the Portland Daily Courier, and the Family Reader,
the official organs of the Hon. Jack Downixg's cor-
respondence, and any other genuine Democratic Na-
tional Republican papers in the State.
JOSHUA DOWNING, Chairman.
Attest: Ephraim Downing, Secretary.
We are assured by Lieutenant Timothy Downing,
with whom we had a short interview, that the best
spirit prevailed in the convention; not a dissenting
voice was heard, and all the resolutions passed unan-
imously. We add an extract or two from private
letters.
From, Ephraim Downing, to the Hon. Jack Downing.
" Well Jack, if you don't acknowledge we've done
the thing up in style, you're no gentleman and not
fit for Governor. I wish you to be very particular to
keep the Sheriff^'s office for me. — Father says cousin
Jeremiah has thrown out some hints that he shall
have the Sheriff*'s office. But butter my ristbands, if
you do give it to him you'll go out of office again next
year, that's positive. Jere's a clear factionist, you
may rely upon that. No, no, stick to your old friends,
and they'll stick to you. I'm going to start to-morrow
morning on an electioneering cruise. I shall drum
'em up about right. You only keep a stiff' upper lip,
and you'll come in all hollow."
From Joshua Downing, Esq. to the Hon. Jack Downing'
"Dear Jack, things look well here; with proper
exertions I think you may rely upon success. I am
in great haste, and write this jest to tell you to be
sure and not promise a single office to any mortal
living, till I see you. These things must be manag-
ed very prudently, and you will stand in need of
the counsel of your old uncle. I think I could do as
100 LETTERS OF
much good to the State by being appointed Land
Agent, as any way; but I'll determine upon that
when I see you.
N. B. Make no promises. Your affectionate uncle,
JOSHUA.
LETTER XXI.
In which Mr. Downing tells about the Portland town-
meeting.
Portland, September 15, 1830.
Dear Uncle Joshua. — The great battle, that 's
been coming on all summer, is over, and the smoke
jest begins to blow away a little, so that we can look
round and see who 's killed, and who 's wounded so
bad they cant get over it, and who 's driven off the
field, and who stands their ground and cries victory.
I 've been looking out for you here ever since yes-
terday noon, for I thought if it looked up there, as
though I stood any chance to be elected governor,
you would be right down here as quick as possible,
driving night and day, to see about them are offices.
For you know you promised to help me fix 'em, and
told me I must not give away one of 'em till you come.
And you may depend on it I should a held on to 'em
to the bat's end, till you did come, let who would
come arter 'em. But as you have n't got here yet,
I 'm afraid I did n't run very well up there, so I
thought I would write to you and see what 's the
matter. If I did n't run any better up there than I
did down here to Portland, I would n't give a cent
to be a candidate any longer this year; for I might
run till I was gray, and not be elected. However,
worst come to worst, I know what I can do. If
Judge Smith's got in, and they say about here he 's
gone all hollow, I '11 see if I cant work it so as to get
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 101
an office under him.— You see I kept pretty still along
for some time before election, and I guess I can
manacle it so as to make him think I lectioneered for
him and then I '11 follow him up, tooth and nail, till
he gives me an office. I 'U try for sheriff first, and
if I cant get that, I '11 try for Clark of the Courts,
for they say that 's a pretty good office. And if he
says he has given them all away, I '11 try for Land
Agent for you know I 've been about the woods a
good deal; and if he says that belongs to Dr. Rose,
I '11 try to be a Post Master somewhere, or a door
keeper to the Legislater, or some sich like. And if
he says these are all gone tu, I '11 tell him if he 11
give me a fair price, I '11 water his horse and brush
his boots. And if he wont let me do that, I say burn
his boots, I '11 run against him again next year.
1 spose you would like to know something about
how the election turned out down here. Soon as the
bell rung, I sot out to go to the town hall, but before
I got half way there, I met chaises, and wagons, and
another kind of chaises, that went on four wheels and
was shut up close as a hen-coop, all driving Mother
way, jehu like. What is the matter? says I; who s
beat? But along they went snapping their whips
without answering me a word, and by their being m
sich a terrible hurry I thought sure enough they had
got beat, and the enemy was arter 'em. So I steered
round into another street to get out of the way for
fear they should get a brush at me; but there was as
many more of 'em driving like split down that st_reet
tu. Where upon arth are they all going, says I, to
a feller that overtook me upon the full run. Going?
says he; why to bring 'em to the polls, you goose
head: and away he went by me m a whisk. When
he said poles, I thought that cousin Ephraim must
have come in with a load, as they 'd be likely to fetch
a good price about this time, and I concluded all that
running and driving was to see who should have the
9*
102 LETTERS OP
first grab at 'em. I called to him to tell me where
Ephraim was, but he was out of hearing.
So I marched along till I got to the town hall, and
they were flocking in thick as hops. When I got
within two or three rods of the house a man come
along and handed me a vote for Mr. Smith; I stept
on the side walk and another man handed me a vote
for Mr. Hunton ; and I went along towards the door
and another man handed me a vote for Mr. Smith,
and then another handed me one for Mr. Hunton.
And then I went to go up stairs into the hall, and
there was a row of about twenty men, and all of 'em
gave me a vote, about one half for Smith and one half
lor Hunton. And before I got through the hall to the
place where they were firing off* their votes, they gave
me about twenty more; so if I had been a mind to
vote for Smith or Hunton I could have gin 'em a
noble lift; but that wasn't what I was arter. I was
looking out for the interests of my constituents at
Downingville. And when I come to see among so
many votes, not one of 'em had my name on it, I be-
gan to feel a little kind of streaked.
I went out again, and I see the chaises and wag-
ons kept coming and going, and *I found out that
bringing of 'em to the polls meant bringing of 'em to
vote. And I asked a feller that stood there, who
them are men, that they kept bringing, voted for.
Why, says he, they vote for whichever goes arter
'em, you goose-head you. Ah, says I, is that the
way they work it .'' And where do they bring 'em
from? O, says he, down round the wharves, and the
outskirts of the town and any where that they can
catch 'em. Well, well, thinks I to myself, I've got a
new rinkle, I see how this business is done now. So
off* I steered and hired a horse and wagon, and went
to hunting up folks to carry to town meeting. And
I guess before night I carried nearly fifty there, of
one sort and another; and I was sure to whisper to
every one of 'em jest as they got out of the Wagon,
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 103
and tell 'em my name was Jack Downing. They all
looked very good-natured when I told 'em my name,
and I thought to be sure they would all vote for me.
But how was I thunderstruck when the vote was de-
clared, and there was 1008 for Mr. Smith, 909 for
Mr. Hunton, 4 for Mr. Ladd, and one or two for
som.ebody else, and not one for me. Now was 'nt
that too bad, uncle? Them are faithless politicians
that I carried up to the town meeting! if I only knew
who they were, they should pay for the horse and
wagon, or we'd have a breeze about it.
Write soon, for I am anxious to know how they
turned out in Downingville.
Your loving neffu, JACK DOWNING.
LETTER XXII.
Return of votes from Downingville.
To the Hon. Jack Downing, Poiiland.
DoA\Tiingville, Monday Eve, September 13, 1830.
Dear Jack, — I have just returned, puffing and
blowing, from town meeting, and have only time to
tell you that we gave you a confounded good run here.
If your friends in the rest of the State have done their
duty, you are elected by an overwhelming majority.
The vote in this town for governor stood as follows : —
Hon. Jack Downing, 87
Hon. Samuel E. Smith, GO
Hon. Jonathan G. Hunton, 00
Capt. Jehu Downing is elected representative; it
was thought to be due to him by the party for his
magnanimous exertions in carrying the express to
Portland at the time you were nominated by our
grand convention. In great haste.
Your uncle, JOSHUA DOWNING.
104 LETTERS OP
LETTER XXIII.
In which Mr. Downing hits on a new plan to get an office.
Portland, Dec. ]3, 1830.
Dear Uncle Joshua: — I am tired of hard work,
and I mean to have an office some how or other yet.
Its true I and all our family got rather dished in the
governor business; if I'd only got in, they should
every soul of 'em had an office, down to the forty-
ninth cousin. But its no use to cry for spilt milk.
I've got another plan in my head; I find the United
States offices are the things to make money in, and
if I can get hold of a good fat one, you may appoint
a day of thanksgiving up there in Downingville, and
throw by your work every one of you as long as you
live.
I want you to set me up for member of Congress
up there, and get me elected as soon as you can, for
if I can get on to Washington I believe I can work
it so as to get an office some how or other. — I want
you to be particular to put me up as a Tariff man. I
was agoing to take sides against the tariff so as to
please Gineral Jackson and all his party, for they
deal out the offices nowadays, and you know they've
been mad enough with the tariff to eat it up. But
the Portland Advertiser has been blowin away lately
and praising up the tariff and telling what a fine thing
lis, and fact, it has brought the old gineral round. His
great long message to Congress has just got along
here, and the old gentleman says the tariff wants a
little mending, but on the whole it's a cute good thing,
and we must n't give it up.
Your lovin neffu, JACK DOWNING.
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 105
LETTER XXIV.
In which Cousin Sarah compares the society of Portland
with that of Downingville.
[jXotc hij the Editor. This is not aunt Sally who was married
and living- in Portland ; but a niece who had been there a short
time at school.] _ ^^ ^^„^
Portland, Dec. 22, 1830.
To Cousin JVabby Downing.
Now I do beg of you, my dear Nabby, never to
ioke me, as you did in your last letter, about the
Portland beaux. Why, if I thought any thing about
sich matters, I would a great deal sooner marry Sam
Josslyn. He is educated enough to know the age of
• his cows and oxen, to know how to cultivate a field
of corn, or a patch of potatoes; can read his bible,
and say the ten commandments, and what is better,
Sam can keep them all. Besides these accomplish-
ments, you know Sam has a snug little farm of his
own, free from mortgages or any other embarrass-
ments, is sober, active, and industrious, and I doubt
not, has cast many a sheep's eye at my good cousin
JNabby. These are good substantial prospects, which
it is hardly worth while to overlook, and which it
would be rather difficult to find among the Portland
beaux. I have often heard uncle Joshua, who is now
the most wealthy man in Downingville, tell how he
commenced business with a capital of only one dollar,
and how some young wags of the village came in and
made a good deal of sport by purchasing up all his
stock. But he didn't care for their jokes, he added
the profits of his sale to his capital, and commenced
business again; and by good management, economy
in his dress and frugality in his living, he soon put
himself beyond the reach of want or wagery. I have
always admired the perseverance and economy of my
good uncle, and have contrasted it with the manage-
106 LETTERS OF
ment of our Portland merchants. They often com-
mence business with even less capital than uncle
Joshua; but then their stock is worth perhaps five or
six thousand dollars. They cut a great dash for a
few months, and then, if they are unmarried, begin
to ogle the girls in order to choose a wife. And
what do you think are the requisites for a wife here,
Cousin Nabby.'' You say she must be capable, neat,
industrious and amiable. No indeed, my dear, such
things are scarcely ever thought of here. She must
have a smattering of French, must be able to drum
the music out of a piano, to sing and dance, or all
in one word, she must be genteel. Well, such girls
are plenty enough down here, and a wife is soon ob-
tained. They hire a large house, furnish it elegantly,
obtain servants, go to parties, balls and the theatre,
make jams, and morning calls, and then fail. The
wife goes home again to her mother's, with the ad-
dition of an innocent babe, and the young broken
merchant is off to the south to look after business
again. Now do you not think this a refined and
intellectual state of society.^ You will not wonder
that I am attached to the unsophisticated manners
and simple habits of our own village. Do not think
from what I have said, there are no people of intel-
lect here, for I assure you there is a choice brother-
hood whom we sometimes meet at social parties and
lectures, but they are so accustomed to the weak and
frivolous of our sex, that their conversation is almost
wholly confined to each other. Have you made any
additions to our little library since I left home.'* If
you are not too bashful, tell Sam to read these long
winter evenings, instead of spending his time in
making axe handles and goad sticks. Cousin Jack
has got his head so full of politics, that I doubt
whether he sells one for him, this winter. Tell Uncle
Joshua if he has any more apple sauce to sell this
winter, to send it down in the old lumber box by Ned,
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 107
and if he must needs send his letters to Jack through
the Courier, be sure and not to say one word about
the apple sauce, for you dont know how queer it
looks to see governors and goad sticks, politics and
pan-dowdy, ballot-boxes and bean-poles, all jumbled
up together. Your loving Cousin,
SARAH DOWNING.
LETTER XXV.
In which Mr. Downing tells how Cousin Jehu went to
the Legislature, and had to go back after his primy
facy case.
Portland, Tuesday, Jan. ]1, 1831.
Dear Uncle Joshua, — Cousin Jehu and I got
down here the Monday before the Legislater met,
and sich a dragging time of it, as we had through
the mud, I guess you never see. More than three
quarters of the way, it was as bad as ploughing mash-
meadow in April. The wagon wheels sometimes
went in almost up to the hub, and we had to get out
and lift and pry as hard as the Legislater used to,
last winter, to get the wheels of government agoing.
Your poor old boss is nearly done tu. But we shall
doctor him up as well as we can, so as to get him
home again. Next day we went round to see how
the market was. Your apple-sass fetched a good
price. We sold it to a Jacksonite tavern-keeper. He
said he wanted a little something to sour his dinners a
little mite ; for his boarders were all Jacksonites, and
they'd got the upperhand so now days, that they com-
plained their victuals was all too sweet. Your boiled
cider went off at a real round price tu. Why, how
much did you boil that cider down ? It was so strong,
that a gill of it would knock a man down any time.
We sold it to a Huntonite tavern-keeper. He said
108 LETTERS OF
his boarders were all Huntonites, and he didn't know
what the matter was, but they seemed to be rather
down in the mouth lately, and he wanted a little some-
thing to start their ideas and keep their sperits up.
So he gin us jest what we asked. Ax handles dont
fetch nothing hardly. The bean poles turned middling
well, though they dont go off so glib as they did last
year. I find folks are a little more shy about buying
of 'em for sheriff poles than they used to be, for they
say when a man gets one, there's no knowing as it
will be any use to him more than one year. How-
somever, we sold a few of 'em right out, and made a
pretty good spec in 'em. And we bargained away a
number more upon condition that they should want 'em.
Cousin i^abby's footings fetched the same they did
last year, that is ninepence a pair, and we got her a
nice piece of cotton cloth for 'em. Tell aunt Keziah
we got for her bundle of urbs a pound of good shushon
and a quarter of snuff. We shall send 'em all up in
the wagon by Jim.
But Jim will have to wait here till cousin Jehu gets
back again, for he took the other boss Wednesday
and started off like a stream of lightning for Downing-
ville. Now I spose you will be a little struck up at
that, till I tell you the reason of it, but the fact was
he came away from home and forgot to bring his primy
facy case. And we met one of the members Tuesday
night and got to speaking about it, and he said it
would be of no use to think of getting a seat in the
House without one, for they were going to be very
particular, and nobody would be allowed to take a
seat in the House unless he could show a good fair
primy facy case. AVell then, said cousin Jehu, the
jig is up with me, for as true as eggs is bacon I left
mine at home. But, finally, after considerin upon it,
we concluded 'twas best for him, as he was a pretty
smart rider, to start off and get it, and come back
again as quick as possible. But he might have been
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 109
saved all that trouble, if he had only known how it
would turn out. For when the members got together
Wednesday morning, they appointed a committee to
go round among 'em and take the primij fncy cases
and count 'em, and see it^ there was enough to make
a corum. I dont know as I can tell exactly what sort
of a thing a corum is, but they said the constitution
wouldn't let 'em do any thing till they had a corum,
and it took a hundred and thirty primij facij cases to
make one.
One of the Huntonites made a motion that the com-
mittee should examine the primy facy cases, and not
count any but what was good, — But the Jacksonites
said no, they should count 'em all first, and they'd
take their seats and go to work, and have another com-
mittee afterwards to examine 'em. They disputed
about it a little while pretty sharp; but at last the re-
publicans begun to get a notion that it was only jest
meant to trig the wheels of government, and it stuck
in their crops so they couldn't bear it any longer, and
they up foot and gave the trig such a kick, 1 guess
the Huntonites nor Jacksonites neither wont find it
again this winter.
So they let them all take their seats with such kind
of primy facy things as they had got, and went to
choosing officers.
There aint but a few Huntonites and Jacksonites
in the Legislater this year, and its lucky there isn't,
for there is no telling how much mischief they did last
winter. There is so few of them are two rascally par-
ties here now, that are trying to ruin the country, that
'tis thought the republicans will be able to keep the
wheels agoing and get along without much trouble.
I have a good deal more to write to you, but haven't
time in this letter. Elder Hall is here, but he is not
President this year. He thinks rotation in office is
all the beauty of republicanism, so he gave up the
chair this year to Mr, Dunlap.
10
110 LETTERS OF
Cousin Sally has got most through her second quar-
ter's schooling here, and when she gets through, I
dont know but I should advise you to take her home,
for she grows so vain and accomplished, as they call
it, that I dont think it '11 do her much good. Jest
look at her last letter that she sent up in the Courier,
and see how lady-like she talks. And then in order
to be mighty nice, she must needs sign it Sarah; as
if the good old name of Sally, that her mother gave
her, wasn't good enough for her.
Tell cousin Jehu to make haste back again, for the
Legislater's rattling along so with their business that
he'll hardly get a finger in the pie if he isn't here soon.
They've made a Governor, and some Councillors, and
a Secretary of State, and a Treasurer, and a State
Printer, besides doing a good many other things, and
it hasn't took half so long as it did last winter to say
poor Mr. Roberts shouldn't have a seat. This in
haste. Your lovin neffu, JACK DOWNING.
LETTER XXVI.
In which JVabhy describes the temperance of DoumingvUle,
Do-wnmgville, Jinerwaiy 20, 1831.
To Cousin Sarah Downing^ at School down to Portland.
I should like to know, cousin Sarah, if you have
heard down there to Portland any thing about a tern-
jperance societij. If you have just write and tell me
what it means. You know father wants to know the
meaning of every thing, and so I walk tu miles over
to the school-master's to borry Mr. Walker's dic-
tionary to see what it meant; and after all I want no
wiser than I was afore, for there was n't one word in
it about temperance societies. Tother day father sot
in the shop door, wondering if Jack would go to the
Congress or not, when a proper great fat red-faced
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. Ill
man came in, and opened a long paper with more
names on it than I could read in a week,— and says
he, Mr. Downing, I want you to sine your name to
this paper. Father took hold of the paper with one
hand, and run tother up under his hat, jest as he al-
ways does when he tries to think; and, my friend,
says he, I dont know as I quite understand what this
ere means. Why, says he, by putting your name
down, you promise not to drink any rum yourself, nor
to let any of your family. My conscience, father un-
derstood it then, I can tell you, he hopped rite out
of his chair, and I guess the temperance man was
gone in no time. Well, after father had time to con-
sider a little he began to feel afraid he had n't used
the man exactly right; for, said he, may be all places
aint like Downingville. I remember reading in the
newspaper of some places where they drink rum as
we do water, and get so drunk that they tumble about
on the ground. And may be the man did n't know
but what we drank it here. And if he was trying to
do good he was n't so much to blame after all. In-
deed, Sam, said he, for Mr. Josslyn came in while
he was talking, I 've been told there are shop keepers
who retale rum by the half jill, to men who drink it
at their counters, and some can actually bare that
enormous quantity two and three times in a day. I
never see Sam's eyes so big, Sarah; he look'd as if
he wanted to say, that 's a whacker, Mr. Downing;
and so thinks I, I will write to Sarah, and she '11 tell
me all about it. Your loving cousin, NABBY.
P. S. I tried to tell what father said in his own
words, cause you always like to hear him talk. Sam
says Sarah dont understand such things; the libry is
only fit for folks like her and the schoolmaster. A
farmer ort to stick to his ox bows and goard sticks.
And I believe he 's half rite, Sarah, for I dont be-
lieve you are so happy for trying to no so much; ever
112 LETTERS OF
since you took to study, I see you dont laugh half so
hearty as you used to, and you look sober three times
as often, I 'm afraid you will be a spoilt girl for the
country, Sarah; you 'd better leave your hard words
and come up here and sing at your wheel all day.
churn butter aud milk the cows, go to slay rides and
quiltings, and be as good and happy as you used to
be. I love you, Sarah, and always shall, and I be-
lieve Sam would like you as well as he duz me, if
twant for your learnin. There, I wont say another
word, for I 'm half cryin now.
LETTER XXVII.
In which Mr. Downing gives a description of the
Ladies' Fair.
Portland, Friday, Jan. 28, ia31.
My Dear Cousin Nabby, — It's a great while since
I writ to you, for you know when I write politics I
always have to send it to uncle Joshua, cause he
loves dearly to dig into sich things, and when I write
about bringing bean poles and apple-sass to market,
I have to send to cousin Ephraim, cause he's the boy
to do that are; but when I write about the ladies and
sich like I send it right to you; and I've got a master
mess to tell you this time, as ever you heard in all
your life. I dont know where bouts to begin, and
when I get begun I'm afraid I never shall know where
to leave off; for if I should try to tell you all about
it, I dont know but you would get to be as old as aunt
Keziah before I should get through. Howsomever,
I'll try to give you a little smattering of it, and I
might as well begin before I go any further, for I
spose by this time you're all of a didder to know what
I mean. Well then, to let you into the mistery, we've
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 113
had the ladies fair here, and of all the scrapes that
ever I see this beats the cap-shief; Independant was
nothmg tu it hardly. I'll tell you how they come to
have it. There's a woman here that takes care of a
whole flock of little gals, what hant got nobody else
to take care of 'em; they call her the Orphan Asy-
lum. And they said she hadn't got money enough
to buy bread and milk for 'em all, and clothes to
wear in this cold weather. And so the ladies, for
you know Nabby, they are always kind hearted sort
of creatures, thought they'd put their heads together
and see if they couldn't get some money for her. So
they agreed to have what they call a fair — that means
a place where every sort of nicknack that was ever
made or thought of, and some that never was thought
of before, are brought together to sell. Well, you
know the women can do most any thing if they set out.
So, as soon as they set this afloat, it went through the
town like a buzz. All the ladies and gals went to
work like smoke, making up things for the fair.
And they were in sich a taking about it, they
couldn't do any thing else for two months. — When
the men went home to their dinners they'd fret and
scold 'cause 'twant ready. Now dont scold, the
woman would say, for the gals have been so busy
making them are little frocks and pin-cushions and
needle-books for the fair, that they never thought
of its being one o'clock so soon. And when the old
bachelors went up to bed, down they'd come again
sputtering along, and want to know what's the reason
their bed want made. Then the chamber gal would
jump as if she'd gone out of her skin; well there
now, says she, as true as I'm alive, I've been so busy
to-day making that are dicky for the fair, that I never
thought a word about the beds. Well, last Tuesday
they got 'em all ready, and carried 'em into the great
town hall, that's as big agin as uncle Joshua's forty
ioot barn, and paraded 'em out to sell. And they put
10*
114 LETTERS OF
it into the papers that they should be ready by six
o'clock in the evening for customers. But the fun-
niest of it all was, they charged every body ninepence
a piece jest for coming in to buy their things whether
they bought any thing or not. And if they went out
a minute or two and come in again, they had to pay
ninepence more. That's a plaguy good way to keep
shop, they make money so fast by it. — Some of the
young fellers kept going out and coming in again
every few minutes, I spose jest to show the gals that
come with 'em that they'd a good pocket full of nine-
pences and want stingy of 'em.
But I'm getting before my story. All day Tuesday
the chaps were flying round getting their 5 dollar bills
changed to go to the fair. As for me, I hadn't only
a one dollar bill, and I did n't dare to show that to
nobody for fear of the debety sheriffs, for they begin
to look out pretty sharp after we disappointed office
seekers now-a-days, and if they catch us with a dollar
they nab it quick enough I tell ye. Howsomever, I
borried a ninepence of a feller that used to work long
with me last summer, and I told him I didn't doubt
but what I could pay him next day, for most all the
lobby members of the Legislater would be to the fair,
and bein the sheriffs aint appointed yet, I should
stand a good chance to bargain away a few of cousin
Ephraim's bean poles; and I'm to have half for sel-
ling. So as soon as the clock struck six, I took
my ninepence, and up I trudged and went right into
the fair, jest like any body else; and my stars! sich
another sight I dont think there ever was afore. I
thought I'd seen most all the world since I left
Downingville, but bless me, come to look around
here I found I hadn't hardly begun to see it yet. I
never see any thing that lookt so bright before,
unless it was when uncle Zekiel's barn burnt down.
There was a master sight of candles and lamps stuck
up round the windows and all over the great hall, and
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 117
along in the middle of it there hung down two great
bunches of green spruce tops as big as a hogset, and
they were stuck full of lamps all over 'em. 1 believe
they called 'em tallow chandlers, or some sich name.
The folks kept coming and pouring in as thick as
bees, and at last the hall got chock brim full, and
then if there wasn't a crowdin and squeezin time I'll
never guess agin. They had to look out for toes, I
can tell 'em; 1 was glad I left my corns to home, for
if I hadn't I should had 'em smashed all to pieces
forty times.
You might as well try to crawl through a woodpile
as to think of getting round any where in the hall,
only jest where the crowd happened to carry you. A
chap that stood pretty near me said to an old white
headed gentleman, have you been over there to the
old witch tother side of the hall to have your fortune
told; O no, says he, / have nH been jam''d that way
yet. As I was tussling along to try to get a peep at
some of the tables, I got stuck fast between three
stout women, and to move another inch I couldn't
if I was to be whipped. And some how or other my
head got jam'd under one of their bonnets, but 'twas
none of my duins though, and says she, sir, I'll thank
you to take your head out of my face. Yes mam,
says I, I will as soon as that lady's head behind mine
gets a little loose, so I can pull mine back. But I
had tough work to breath before I could get command
of my own head agin, I tell ye. Well, at last I tus-
sled along or was jam'd along some how or other
pretty near some of the tables, so that I could kind
o' peep over on to 'em sometimes. And sich a mess
of pretty things and queer things as they had there
to sell I never set eyes on before. And then, O sich
a pretty row of gals along behind the tables for shop-
keepers, all dressed up so fine, and laugning out of
both of their eyes so like little witches, and holding
up their pretty things in their little white hands, and
118 LETTERS OF
asking every body to buy 'em. O Nabby, I never
felt the want of money so much before in all my life.
Soon as I looked at 'em I wished I had a thousand
dollars to spend. And if Fd only been elected Gov-
ernor', as I ought to have been, and should have been
if our party had only been a Httle better organized,
I'd a made the money fly well, you may depend
upon't; for I think governors at sich times ought to
be generous and set good examples. Now I think
on't tell uncle Joshua I've seen the real genuine re-
publican ])ariy. It was at the fair; there was old
folks and young folks, and men and women, and boys
and gals, and all sorts and sizes of folks mixed up to-
gether higgledy piggledy, and every one said and did
jest what they'd a mind to. If this wasn't the repub-
lican party I dont know what is.
It looked funny to see every body buying every
thing that was offered to 'em, and paying jest what
they asked for it. And the queerest of it was, if you
bought a thing that came to a ninepence, and handed
'em a quarter of a dollar to pay for it, they would
chuck the quarter into the money draw, and you
might whistle for your change; they would n't give
you back a cent. Only think; if the stupid shop-
keepers would only learn that are fashion, and charge
all the gals that come arter patterns ninepence every
time they come into their stores, and when any body
buys any thing of 'em never give any change back,
how fast they might get rich. There was young
fellers buying pin-balls, and old bachelors buying
doll-babies, and some of 'em nigger babies tu, and
every body buying what they did n't want, more than
a toad wants two tails.
At one end of the hall there was a great table
covered all over with cakes and candy and apples
and plums, and all kinds of luscious things, all
brought in to help along the Orphan Asylum. A
man would send in some apples that he sold in his
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 119
store at two for a cent, and then go and get his chil-
dren and post off to the hall, and pay ninepence
apiece to go in, and then buy the apples and give two
cents apiece for 'em.
One gal come along nibbling off a piece of cake
about as big as two fingers, and another one says to
her, what did you give for that? A shilling, says she; I
thought I would do something to help along the Asy-
lum. By and by she come along again cramming down
a handful of plums and a great apple. Says 'tother
one, says she, what did you give for them ? Ninepence,
says she; I should n't think of buying any thing at
all, if it want for helping along the Asylum. By and
by I saw her crounching a stick of candy, such as
commonly sells for a cent. What did you give for
that, says t'other one. Three cents, says she. Dear
soul, thinks I, how very kind you are to help along
the Asylum.
By and by I got joggled along up towards another
table, and who should I see there, but a witch! Some
called her the witch of Endor, that we read about in
the Bible, and some said it was one of the Salem
witches. She looked bad enough to be any one of 'em.
She was a little peaked nosed dried up thing; about
two feet high, and she stood there upon the table to tell
folks their fortunes. She had a little staff in her hand
that pointed down on to a little wheel that had every
body's fortune written down on it. They'd give the
wheel a whirl and when it stopped, the fortune they
wanted to tell any body would be right where the staff
pointed. The old witch could n't, or else would n't,
read herself, so she had a pretty little roguish looking
miss stand beside her to tell it off. They called her
the priestess, but my stars, she did n't look no more
like a minister's wife than you do, Nabby. They
asked fourpence happeny apiece for telling fortunes.
— Up stepped a smart looking little miss and gave the
wheel a whirl and asked what her fortune was. Why,
120 LETTERS OF
said the little witchee with a rogueish look ' at the
annual return of this fair you will be introduced by
your husband.' La me, said the miss, blushing, I 'm
sure you cant make nothing by telling fortunes at
fourpence apiece; so she threw down half a dollar,
and off she went. Then there came up a sober, thin,
clever looking sort of a man, and gave a whirl, and
the little priestess look'd him up in the face with a
curl of the lip, and says she, ' a wolf in sheep's cloth-
ing — that suits your case exactly, sir.' And he
turned away muttering, ' how upon earth come that
little witch of a creature to know me.'' '
Then up stepped another man, that they said was one
of the Legislaters, and says he, how much do you ask
for telling fortunes ? Only fourpence happeny says
she. Well, says he, I believe I '11 have mine told,
so he give a whirl, and after he heard his fortune, he
handed a dollar to take out the fourpence happeny,
and the rogueish priestess slipped it into the draw and
turned rij^ht about, and v/ent to waiting upon some-
body else. And the poor man waited and waited for
his change till he got tired — and then he drawed
back out of sight.
But there, Nabby, I must stop before I tell you
half ont, or I shall get my letter so long the printer
wont send it ; for he threatens to charge me postage
if I send sich long ones. But they had jest sich a
scrape all the next day and next evening; and the
next evening after that, they sold all the trinkets they
had left at vandue. I dont know how much money
they got in the whole, but you may depend upon it
't was a real swad; and I guess the Orphan A«ylum
woman might give the little gals gingerbread to eat
this two years if she 's a mind to, and let 'em have
new warm gowns and good shoes and stockings into
the bargain. So here I must stop, and when I go
to another fair you shall hear from me again.
Your loving cousin, JACK DOWNING.
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 121
LETTER XXVIII.
In which Mr. Downing tells how the Jacksonites in the
Legislature had a dreadful tussle to pour a ' healing
act ' doivn the throats of the Huntonites.
[jYote by the Editor. The bitterness of feeling occasioned by
the struggle for the ascendency between the two parties in 1830,
still rankled in the breasts of the members of the Legislature in
1831 , The Huntonites had acquired the ascendency the preced-
ing session, but now the Jacksonites were in power, and they
contended that the acts of the Huntonites in 1830 were uncon-
stitutional and void. They therefore set about preparing a ' heal-
ing act ' to declare all the doings of the preceding Legislature
redid in the lump. When this Bill was brought forward, it pro-
duced a storm in the Legislature, almost unparalleled. The Hun-
tonites considered it altogether a useless provoking piece of
political trickery. They contended that if the acts of the former
Legislature were in fact unconstitutional, no law passed by this
Legislature could make them constitutional ; and considering it
a wanton attempt to heap insult and odium upon them, they
fought against it almost while life and breath remained. A fierce
debate on the passage of this Bill was carried on for several days.
But the Jacksonites had the power in their own hands, and the
Bill was finally passed. The scene is somewhat minutely de-
scribed in the two following letters.]
Portland, Feb. 4, 1831.
Dear Uncle Joshua. — If you got my postscript
to this letter that I sent you yesterday, I spose you
wont sleep nor eat much till you hear something more
about it. So I thought I'd try to send you a little
bit of a letter to-day. O dear, uncle, there 's terrible
times here again, and I'm half afraid it's agoing to
be worse than it was last winter. The Legislater 's
been all in the wind this two or three days, pulling
and hauhng and fighting like smoke. The wheels
of government are all stopt; I cant say as they are
trigged, as they used to be last winter, but they are
fairly stopped, because nobody dont pull 'em along; for
when the members are all pulling each other's caps,
how can they pull the wheels of government ? They
seemed to get along very well ever since they 've
11
122 LETTERS OF
been here till now, and I thought they most all be-
longed to them are two clever parties that tried so
hard to save the State last winter; I mean the demo-
cratic republicans and the national republicans. But
somehow or other this week a quarrelsome gang of
Jacksonites and Huntonites has got into the Legis-
lator and kicked up such a bobbery, it seems as though
they 'd tare the State all to pieces. My heart 's been
up in my mouth a dozen times for fear the State would
go to ruin before I could get out of it; and I 've
scratched round and picked up what few bean-poles and
ax-handles I had left, and got all ready to set sail to
Boston, for I'me determined to be off before the state
goes to rack. And I advise you and all our friends
at Downingville to pack up as soon as you get this
letter, and be all ready as soon as you hear a crack-
ing down this way to fly for your lives away back into
New-Hampshire or Vermont. The trouble as near
as I could understand it begun in this way. The Jack-
sonites said the Huntonites worked so hard last winter
in trying to trig the wheels of government, and tare the
constitution to pieces, that they made themselves all
sick, dreadful sick, and had n't got well yet; and it was
time to do something to try to cure 'em; for their
sickness was so catching that all the State would be
taken down with it in a little while, if they want cured.
But the Huntonites said they want sick a bit; they
never was better in their lives; and moreover, it was
false that they had tried to trig the wheels of govern-
ment last winter, or tear a single leaf out of the con-
stitution; if any thing of that kind was done, they said
the Jacksonites did it, and as for taking doctor's stuff
they'd no notion of it. But the Jacksonites said 'twas
no use, the Huntonites were all sick, and they must
take some doctor stuff, and if they would n't take it
willingly they must be made to take it. So they went
to work and fixed a dose that they called a healing
act, that they said would cure all the Huntonites and
any body else that had catched the sickness of 'em.
MAJOR JACK DOWNING.
123
The Huntonites declared 'twas no use for 'em to fix
it, for they never would take it as long as they Hved,
that's what they wouldn't; they were as well as any
body, and they'd fight it out till next June before they'd
take it. Howsomever, ihe Jacksonites got their dose
ready, and yesterday they carried it into the House
of Representatives and told the Huntonites they must
take it, and 'twould do 'em good. As soon as the
Huntonites smelt of it, they turned up their noses, and
said no, before they'd take that are plaguy dirty stuflT
they'd fight 'em all over the State, inch by inch. But
the Jacksonites said 'twas no use, they might sniflT as
much as they pleased, it was the only thing that would
cure 'em, and they must take it, and more than all
that, they was the strongest and they should take it.
Some of the Huntonites looked pale as tho' they
were a little grain frightened, and some of them looked
red as though they were mad as a March hair. And
some of 'em begun to talk to the Jacksonites and tell
'em how unreasonable it was to make 'em take doc-
tor stuff when they want sick. They were well now,
and like as not if they should take it t 'would make
'em all sick.
One of 'em, that talked like a very clever man
got up and coaxed 'em to ask the Judges of the great
Court if they thought there was any need of their
taking sich a dose, or if it would do 'em any good
if they did take it. But the Jacksonites said no, they
shouldn't ask no sich questions. They understood the
business well enough, they knew the Huntonites were
sick, and they knew this would cure 'em, and swal-
low it they should. Well, the Huntonites see how
'twas gone goose with 'em, and they thought the only
chance left was to put their hands over their mouths
and fight and kick and scrabble with all their might
and keep it out of their throats as long as they could.
Still they tried to talk and reason with the Jacksonites
about it. They asked 'em to let them have time to
examine the medicine carefully and see what it was
124 LETTERS OF
made of, or that they would tell 'em what it was made
of, or why they thought it would do any good to take
it. But the Jacksonites said they shouldn't tell 'em
any thing about it, it would be 'casting pearls before
swine,' and the good book said they mustn't do so.
The men who had fixed the dose knew what they
were about, they had fixed it right, and the Hunton-
ites must open their mouths and take it, and not par-
ley any more about it. And now the real tussle and
the hard fight begun. The house seemed to be so full
of Jacksonites and Huntonites that I guess there
was n't but a few republicans left. And I could
n't help minding that the Jacksonites took the seats
of the democratic republicans, and the Huntonites
took the seats of the national republicans. Well, the
Jacksonites took the dose in one hand, and grab'd the
Huntonites with the other, and tipped their heads
back, and were jest agoing to pour it down their
throats, when the Huntonites fetched a spring and
kicked it away to the fourth day of April. But the
Jacksonites run after it and got it back again in about
half an hour, and clinched 'em again, and got all
ready to pour it down; but jest as they got it almost
to their lips, the Huntonites fetched another spring
and kicked it away to the fourth of March. Away
went the Jacksonites after it again, and brought it
back, and clinched the Huntonites in the same man-
ner as before, and they kicked it away again, but they
did n't kick this time quite to the end of February.
So they kept it agoing all the forenoon, but every
time the Huntonites kick'd the bitter dose away, it
didn't go so far as it did the last time before. I spose
they begun to grow tired and could n't kick so hard.
Well, then they tried to adjourn so as to get some
dinner, but the Jacksonites would n't let 'em. And
they kept 'em there till four o'clock in the afternoon
without any dinner, and I dont know but they thought
the Huntonites would get so hungry after awhile that
they would swallow it down without much fuss. But
AJOR JACK DOWNING. 125
it all would n't do, the nearer it come to 'em, the
ghter the Huntonites gritted their teeth oge her,
and I guess they'd a starved before they would take t
Well after the Jacksonites had ".ed nearly twen^^
times to pour down the bitter dose and the Hunton
ites had kicked it away as many times, both parties
seemed to be nearly tired out, and so they finally
agreed to adjourn till nine o'clock this mo™'"!^ J
thought the -Huntonites, if they once got ou , wouM
cut and run home and get clear ol the pl^g"/ ^'""^
But instead of that they all come J" fS^^'"'^^,^ "^""j
in., and they've been at it agam all day hammei and
loSgs, the Jacksonites trying to pour it down and the
Huntonites fighting against it, too'^f 1"^' he State
How it '11 come out I cant te 1. Whethei the State
will be ruined if they dont take it, I cant tell oi
whether it will cure them it they do take it I can t
tell But I can assure you, dear uncle, theies a
greater fuss here, than there was when the little boy
laid he run and jumped over a fence and tore hi.
trowses as if the heavens and earth were coming to
pieces If we live through it, I shall let you know
Lmething more about it. Your^'-'-^oWNING.
LETTER XXIX.
In whicli Mr. Downing tells how the Jacksonites at last
got the ' healing act ' down the throats of the Hun-
'""''"■ Portland, Saturday, March 5, 1831.
Dear Uncle Joshua.— I aint dead, but I spose you
begin to feel kind of uneasy about me, bein I have n t
wrl home so long. Well, I'll tell you how 'twas;
I've had thk ere cold and one thing another, so bad,
I did n't feel hardly smart enough to write. And De-
11*
126 LETTERS OF
sides I got so skeer'd that night the Jacksonites poured
their doctor stuff, what they call the healing plaster,
down the throates of the Huntonites, that I did n't dare
to go nigh 'em agin for a good while for fear they'd
pour some of their pesky stuff down my throat. But
I'm sorry I did n't write afore, for I've let it alone so
long now, that my work has got desputly behindhand.
When I writ to you before, the Jacksonites were
holding the Huntonites by the hair of the head with
one hand and trying to cram the healing plaster down
their throats with 'tother, and the Huntonites were
kicking and scrabbling, and gritting their teeth to-
gether with all their might, and doubling up their fists
and stamping, and declaring up hill and down, that they
would never take it. And they were so upstropulous
about it for awhile, I did n't know as they ever would
swallow it. But the Jacksonites were the stoutest,
and held on to 'em like a dog to a root, and kept 'em
there all day and all the evening till about midnight,
and then the poor Huntonites seemed to be a most
dragged out. I fairly pitied 'em. Along in the first
of it they threatened pretty stoutly, and declared by
every thing that's black and blue, if they had to take
this dirty dose and should happen to be strongest next
year, they'd make the Jacksonites ta|e a dose worth
two of this. But all the threateningfdid n't do any
good; and then they fell to begging and coaxing, and
that did n't do any good nother. iftie Jacksonites
said they should not only take it, but they should take
it that night before they slept. At last they got their
hands and feet tied, and kept bringing it up a little
nearer and little nearer to their mouths, and the Hun-
tonites, got so they could n't do nothing but spit. But
the Jacksonites did n't mind the spitting, for you know
it is n't for the doctor to stand about being spit upon
a little, when he's giving medicine. Just before the
last ont, the poor Huntonites rolled their eyes dread-
fully, and I believe some on 'em lost their senses a
little ; one of 'em took a notion that they were agoing
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 127
to make him swallow a whole live goose, feathers and
all ; and he begged of 'em, if they would n't take out the
gizzard and 'tother inside things, that they'd jest pull
-out tlie pin feathers, so that it would n't scratch his
throat going down. But they did n't pay no attention
to him, and just before the clock struck twelve they
grabbed 'em by the throat, and pried their mouths
open, and poured it in. The Huntonites guggled a
littk, but they had to swallow it. A day or two ar-
terwards they made some of the Sinneters take it in
the same way. They had a considerable tussle for
it, but not quite so bad as they had in the House.
Some thought this healing dose would make the
Huntonites worse, and some thought it would make
'em better. I've watched 'em ever since they took
it whenever I dated to go near the Legislater, and I
cant see much alteration in 'em. But that or some-
thing else has kicked up a monstrous dust amongst
other folks all over the world amost. I've been look-
ing over the newspapers a little, and I never see the
world in such a terrible hubbub before in all my life.
Every body seems to be running mad, and jest ready
to eat each other up. There's Russia snapping her
teeth like a great bear, and is just agoing to eat up
the Poles, I dont mean Ephraim's bean poles, but
all the folks that live in Poland; not that are Poland
up there where Mr. Dunn lives, but that great Po-
land over along side of Russia. And there's the
Dutch trying to eat up Holland, and the Belgians are
trying to eat up the Dutch, and there's ' five great
powers' trying to pour a healing dose down the throat
of the king of the Netherlands, and there's Mr.
O' Connell trying to make the king of England and
Parliament take a healing dose, and there's Ireland
jest ready to eat up Mr. O'Connell, and all the kings
of Europe are trying to eat up the people, and the
people are all trying to eat up the kings.
And our great folks in this country too, away off
128 LETTERS OF
there to Washington, have got into such a snarl, I
guess it would puzzle a Philadelphy lawyer to get
'em out of it. There's the President and Mr. Cal-
houn and Mr. Van Buren and the two great republi-
can papers, and half a dozen more of 'em, all togeth-
er by the ears; but which of 'em will eat up the rest
I don't know. I've heard a good many guess that
Mr. Van Buren would eat up the whole toat of 'era;
for they say although he's a small man, there isn't
another man in the country, that can eat his way
through a political pudding so slick as he can. These
are dreadful times, uncle; I don't know what '11 be-
come of the world, if I dont get an office pretty soon.
It seems to me there must be something out of the
way to made so much confusion in the world; and
I hope the Legislater before they adjourn will pass
a general healing act to cure all these difficulties.
They've been talking about passing a healing act to
cure our state house up to Augusta, for they say its
too small, and they intend to bring it down here to
Portland to cure it. But I guess it '11 give 'em a
pull, for they say the Kennebeckers are master fel-
lers to hold on.
They had a kind of a flusteration here to-day in
the Legislater. The Speaker 's cleared out, and left
'em, because the Governor said he'd taken his turn
sitting in the Chaii' long enough, and he must go and
sit on the Beiich awhile now. And then they went
to work and chose that good-natured man from Mon-
mouth for Speaker. I meant to a told you about
them are two great meetings they 've had here to
make Governors and Presidents and one thing anoth-
er: but I hav'nt time to-day.
One of 'em made Mr. Smith Governor for next
year and Gineral Jackson President; and 'tother
made Mr. Sprague governor, and kind of put Mr.
Clay a brewing for President.
If you think its best for me to run again for gov-
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 129
ernor another year I wish you'd call our friends to-
gether up there and have me nominated, for there's
nothing like starting in season in these matters.
Your loving nefiu,
JACK DOWNING.
LETTER XXX.
In which Mr. Downing dreams some poetry.
From the Portland Courier, April, 1831.
[Legislative proceedings extra. — On the evening before the ad-
journment of the Legislature, while the members of the House
were waiting for some bill to be engrossed, 3Ir. Shapleigh of
Berwick presented an order, that a Committee be appointed to
consider the expediency of assessing an annual tax upon a cer-
tain class of gentlemen commonly called Old Bachelors, to be
appropriated for the use and support of a certain class of ladies
usually known by the name of Old Maids, with leave* to report
by Bill or otherwise. Mr. McCrate of Nobleborough hoped the
mover would offer his reasons for the passage of the order. Mr.
Delesdernier said he understood the order reflected upon his
friend from Nobleborough ; he therefore moved it be laid on the
table, which motion was decided in the negative.
Mr. Baxter then remarked that he hoped gentlemen woulff
reflect before they went too far, and not commit an impropriety
by way of amusement. He moved that the order be indefinitely
postponed, which motion prevailed. While we were puzzling
ourselves to know what report we should make of these Legis-
lative proceedings our friend Jack Downing very opportunely,
as he often does, came in to our aid as follows.]
Portland, Saturday, April 2, 1831.
Dear Cousin Nabby, — I dont hardly know wheth-
er to send this letter to you, or uncle Joshua. You
know I always send all the politics and Legislators to
uncle; but this ere one's most all poetry, and they
say that stuff belongs to the ladies. So I believe on
the whole I shall send it to you. Dont you be skeer-
'd now because I 've made some poetry, for I dont
130 LETTERS OF
think it '11 hurt me ; I dont feel crazy nor nothing.
But I 'II jest tell you how it happened. Last night I
was in the Legislator and they sot out to make a law
to tax old bacheldors. They tried pretty hard to make
it, and I thought one spell they'd get it. I felt kind
of bad about it because I knew it would bear so hard
upon cousin Obediah. Well, I went home and went
to bed, and I dont know what the matter was, but I
had a kind of a queer night of it; and when I got up
in the morning there was a soft sort of sickish stuff
kept running off of my tongue, jest like a stream of
chalk. Pray tell me what you think of it; here it is.
I dreamed a dream in the midst of my slumbers,
And, as fast as I dream'd, it was coined into numbers,
My thoughts ran along in such beautiful metre,
I 'm sure I ne'er saw any poetry sweeter.
It seem'd that a law had been recently made,
That a tax on old bachelors' pates should be laid.
And in order to make them all willing to marry,
The tax was as large as a man could well carry.
The Bachelors grumbled, and said 'twere no use,
'Twas cruel injustice and horrid abuse,
And declar'd that to save their own heart's blood from spilling,
Of such a vile tax they would ne'er pay a shilling.
But the Rulers determined their scheme to pursue,
"^o they set all the bachelors up at vendue.
A crier was sent thro' the town to and fro,
To rattle his bell, and his trumpet to blow.
And to bawl out at all he might meet in the way,
^' Ho ! forty old bachelors sold here to day,"
And presently all the old maids in the town,
Each one in her very best bonnet and gown,
From thirty to sixty, fair, plain, red and pale,
Of every description, all flocked to the sale.
The auctioneer then in his labors began.
And called out aloud, as he held up a man,
" How much for a bachelor ? who wants to buy ? "
In a twink every maiden responded — " I —I."
In short, at a hugely extravagant price,
The bachelors all were sold off in a trice ;
And forty old maidens, some younger, some older,
Each lugged an old bachelor home on her shoulder.
JACK DOWNING.
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 133
LETTER XXXI.
Jn which Mr. Downing tells how he got a new Mnk into
his head, in consequence of the blow-up of President
Jackson's first Cabinet.
Portland, April 26, 1831.
Dear Uncle Joshua.— I'm in considerable of a
kind of a flusteration to-day, because I 've got a new
scheme in my head. New ideas, you know, are
always apt to give me the agitations a little; so you
mustn't wonder if my letter this time does have some
rather odd things in it. I don't know when I've had
such a great scheme in my head afore. But you know
I was always determined to make something in the
world, and if my friends '11 only jest stick by me, I
shall make common folks stare yet. Some thought
it was a pretty bold push my trying to get in to be
o-overnor last year; and some have laughed at me,
and said I come out at the little end of the horn about
it, and that I'd better staid up to Downingville and
hoed potatoes, than to be fishing about for an office
and not get any more votes than I did. But they can't
see through a millstone so fur as I can. Altho' 1
didn't get in to be governor, its made me known in
the world, and made considerable of a great man of
me, so that I shall stand a m.uch better chance to get
an office if I try again. But I must make haste and
tell you what I am at, for I am in a great hurry. I
guess you'll stare when I tell you the next letter you
'11 get from me will be dated at Washington, or else
somewhere on the road between here and there.
O, uncle, we have had some great news here from
Washington; every body's up in arms about it, and
can't hardly tell what to think of it. They say the
President's four great Secretaries have all resigned;
only think of that, uncle. And they say their salaries
134 LETTERS OP
were six thousand dollars a-year; only jest think of
that, uncle. Six thousand dollars a year. Why, a
governor's salary is a fool to it. On the whole, I'm
glad I didn't get the governor's office. I shall start
for Washington to-morrow morning; or I don't know
but I shall start to night, if I can get ready, and
travel all night. Its best to be in season in such
things, and I shall have to go rather slow, for I've got
pretty considerable short of money, and expect I shall
have to foot it part way. I shall get there in about a
fortnight, and I'm in hopes to be in season to get one
of them are offices. I think it's the duty of all true
republicans that have the good of the country at heart,
to take hold and help the President along in these
trying difficulties. For my part, I am perfectly will-
ing to take one of the offices, and I hope some other
good men will come right forward and take the others.
What a shame 'twas that them are Secretaries should
all clear out, and leave the poor old General to do all
the work alone. Why, uncle, the'd no more patriot-
ism than your old boss.
But I must n't stop to parley about it now; what I
want to say is, I wish you to write a recommendation
to the President for me to have one of his offices, and
go round as quick as you can and get all our friends
at Downingvillc to sign it, and send it on to Washing-
ton as fast as possible ; for it would be no more than
rio-ht that I should show the President some kind of
recommendation before he gives me the office. I
want you to tell the President that I've always been
one of his strongest friends; and you know I always
have spoke well of him, and in fact he is the best Pres-
ident we ever had. It might be well for you to quote
this last sentence as an ' extract from a letter of the
Hon. Jack Downing.' It would give the President
some confidence in my friendship, and the ' Hon.'
would convince him that I am a man of some stand-
ing in this State.
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 135
Now you keep up a good heart, uncle; you have
always had to delve hard all your days up there on the
old farm, and you've done considerable to boost me
up into an office, and if I get hold of these six thous-
and dollars a year, you shall have a slice out of it that
will make your old heels feel light again. I haven't
named it to a single soul here except cousin Sally,
and I want it to be kept a profound secret till I get
the office, so as to make them are chaps that have
been a sneering at me here, stare like an owl in a
thunder shower. And, besides, if it should leak out
that I was going, I'm afraid somebody else might get
the start of me, for there are always enough that have
their mouths open when it rains such rich porridge.
But its like as not, the newspapers '11 blab it out be-
fore I get half way there. And you needn't think
strange, if you see some of the Boston or New York
papers in a few days saying, ' The Hon. Jack Down-
ing passed through this city yesterday, on his way
to Washington. It is rumored, that he is to be called
upon to fill one of the vacant offices.' But I must
stop, for it is time I was picking up my duds for a
start. Sally has been darning my stockings all the
morning. Love to Aunt and Cousin Nabby, and all
of 'em. Good by. Your loving nephew,
JACK DOWNING.
LETTER XXXII.
In which cousin Sarah tells about cousin Jach^s toes and
elbows.
Portland, April 29, 1831.
Dear Nabby. — One would suppose from Jack's
letter to Uncle, that I was doing all in my power to
assist him in prosecuting his ridiculous plans. But
the truth is, Penelope's trials with her impatient lov-
136 LETTERS OF
ers were nothing compared to mine with Jack. When
the news came of the resignation of the members of
the Cabinet at Washington, I had not seen him for
some weeks; I sat by the window sewing, when in
came Jack, and O JVabby, I shall despair of giving
you a description. His toes and elbows, you know,
were always lovers of freedom, and there they were
peeping from their prison houses, so demure and so
wo-lDegone, it almost made my heart ache. — Jack
tried at first to make me swear secrecy; but I re-
fused, and told him if he could not rely upon my dis-
cretion he better not say any thing. He seemed in
high spirits, called me a dear cousin, and then reveal-
ed all his plans. I told him never to fear that I should
divulge such ridiculous schemes; so preposterous, I
wondered how they ever entered into the head of a
Downing. I exhausted all my powers of persuasion
and argument, to prevail upon him to let politics alone,
and go back to Downingville, and take care of his
farm and his poor infirm father and mother. He call-
ed me a little foolish school girl, that did n't know
which side my bread was buttered; said I had better
stick to my books and such kind of things, and let the
business of the men alone; what did I know about
politics! I must mind my work like a good gall, and
when he was Secretary of State, he 'd give me as fine
a gownd and shorl as any lady in Portland wore.
And finally he insisted upon my going to work to
mend his old footings, and patch his coat. I told him
they were too much worn to be worth mending; but
he guessed they 'd hold on till he got to Washington,
and when he got his six thousand dollars a year, he
'd have some new ones, and send the old suit home
to cousin Ephraim.
I laughed right out, and led him to the glass to see
what an elegant looking object he would be to stand
before the President of the United States. Jack
could not help laughing himself, but said the looks
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 137
would make no difference ; all President Jackson
wanted was a good man, and one who had been firm
in support of him.
I went to work, but with no very good will I assure
you; and though Jack fretted and coaxed, I had no
disposition to hurry, and once when he went out to
get the toes of his shoes mended, I ventured to pick
out all I had done. It was of no use, for he was so
eagerly determined to go, that if I had not finished
his coat, he would certainly have started without it, for
he said he could swop his watch on the road any time
for a new coat, or any one would be willing to trust
him for one till he procured his salary, when he told
his name. He says the President must be aware of
his integrity and high-minded patriotism, and will un-
doubtedly reserve one of the salaries for him, as a
compensation for his arduous public services. The
public papers, he says, will give him a lift in his pre-
tensions, and there is no doubt but that he shall be
successful. One thing is certain, the same town will
never hold Jack and me. He is always coming to
me for advice when he gets what he calls the ' agita-
tions,' and I have talked myself almost into a con-
sumption to infuse a little common sense into him;
but all to no purpose, he will ask advice and then do
as he is a mind to.
Your loving cousin, SARAH DOWNING.
LETTER XXXIII.
In which Mr. Downing tells about the talk he had with
the Boston Editors on his way to Washington.
City of New York, May 4, 1831.
Dear Uncle Joshua, — I have got so fur at last,
and a pretty hard run I've had of it to get here, I can
tell ye. This running after offices is pretty tuff work
138 LETTERS OF
for poor folks. Sometimes I think there aint much
profit in it after all, any more than there is in buying
lottery tickets, where you pay a dollar and sometimes
get four shillings back, and sometimes nothing. Hovv-
somever I dont mean to be discouraged yet, for if 1
should give out now and go back again, them are sassy
chaps in Portland would laugh at me worse than they
did afore. What makes me feel kind of down hearted
about it, is because I've seen in the newspapers that
tu of them are good offices at Washington are gone
a ready. One Mr. Livingston's got one of 'em, and
Mr. Woodbury that lives up in New Hampshire 's
got tother, and I'm considerable afraid the others will
be gone before I get there.
I want you to be sure and get my recommendation
into the post-office as soon as you can, so it may get
there as soon as I do. It's a week to-day since I
started from Portland, and if I have good luck I'm
in hopes to get there in about a week more. Any
how, I shall worry along as fast as I can. I have to
foot it more than three quarters of the way, because
the stage folks ask so much to ride, and my money's
pretty near gone. But if I can only jest get there
before the offices are gone I think I shall get one of
'em, for I got a good string of recommendations in
Boston as I come along. I never thought of getting
any recommendations of strangers, till a man I was
travelling with, kind of talked round and round, and
found out what I was after. And then says he, if you
want to make out, you must get the newspaper folks
to give you a lift, for they manage these matters.
And he told me I better get some of the Boston edi-
tors to recommend me, or it would be no use for me
to go.
I thought the man was more than half right, so
when I got into Boston I called round to see the
editors. They all seemed very glad to see me, when
I told 'em who I was; and I never see a better set of
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 139
true republicans any where in the State of Maine.
And when I told 'em that I was always a true repub-
lican, and my father and grandfather were republi-
cans before me, they all talked so clever about patri-
otism, and our republican institutions, and the good
of the people, that I could n't help thinking it was a
plaguy shame there should be any such wicked par-
ties as Federalists, or Huntonites, or Jacksonites, to
try to tare the country to pieces and plague the re-
publicans so.
This dont include President Jackson. He is n't a
Jacksonite, you know; he 's a true republican as there
is in Downingville. I had a talk with the Boston
Patriot man first. He said he would give me a re-
commendation with a good deal of pleasure; and when
I got my oiiice at Washington I must stick to the
good old republican cause like wax; and if all true
republicans were only faithful to the country, Henry
Clay, the republican candidate, will come in all hollow
He'll be next President, says he, jest as sure as
your name is Jack Downing. Then I went to see the
editor of the Boston Gazette. He said he certainly
should be very happy to give me a recommendation;
and he trusted when I got to Washington where I
should have considerable influence, I should look
well to the interests of the republican party. He said
there was an immense sight of intrigue and underhand
work going on by the enemies of the country to ruin
Mr. Calhoun, the republican candidate for President,
But he said they would 'nt make out; Mr. Calhoun
had found out their tricks, and the republicans of old
Virginny and South Carolina were all up in arms
about it, and if we republicans in the northern states
would only take hold and fight for the good cause,
Mr. Calhoun would be elected as true as the sun will
rise to-morrow.
The next I went to see was the editor of the Boston
Statesman. He seemed to be a little shy of me at
140 LETTERS OF
first, and was afraid I want a true republican; and
wanted to know if I did n't run against Governor
Smith last year down there in Maine. I told him I
had seen Governor Smith a number of times in Port-
land, but I was sure I never run against him in my
life, and did n't think I ever come within a rod of
him. Well he wanted to know if I was n't a candi-
date for Governor in opposition to Mr. Smith. I told
him no, I was a candidate on the same side. Was n't
you, said he, looking mighty sharp at me, ^vas nH you
one of the federal candidates for governor! INIy stars,
uncle Joshua, I never felt my hair curl quicker than
it did then. My hand kind of draw'd back and my
fingers clinched as if I was jest agoing to up fist and
knock him down. To think that he should charge me
with being ^ federal candidate! it was too much for
flesh and blood to bear. But I cooled down as quick
as I could, for fear it might hurt me about getting my
office. I told him I never was a federal candidate,
and there never was a drop of federal blood in me;
and I would run from a federalist if I should meet
one as quick as I would from poison. That's right,
says he, I like that, that's good stuff, and he catched
hold of my hand and gave it such a shake, I did n't
know but he'd a puU'd it off*.
He said he would give me the best recommendation
he could write, and when I got to Washington I must
stick to the old Gineral like the tooth ache, for the
federalists were intriguing desperately to root him
out of his office and upset the republican party. If
the republicans could only be kept together, he said
President Jackson, the repubhcan candidate, could
be elected as easy as a cat could lick her ear; but if
we suffered ourselves to be divided it would be gone
goose with us, and the country would be ruined. So
you must stick to the re-election of Gineral Jackson,
said he, at all events; and then he kind of whispered
in my ear, and says he, in case any thing should
MAJOR JACK DOWNING.
141
happen, if Gineral Jackson should be sick or any-
thing, you must remember that Mr. Van Buren is
the republican candidate.
I told him he never need to fear me; I should
stick to the republican party thro' thick and thin.
So I took my recommendation and trudged along. I
have n't time to-day to tell you how I got along with
the rest of the editors, and a thousand other things
that I met with along by the way, and all the fine
things in this great city, and so on. But I shall
write to you again soon.
Your loving neffu, JACK DOWNING.
To Uncle Joshua Dotvning, Doivmngville, State of Maine.
LETTER XXXIV.
In which Mr. Downing relates his interview with Major
JVoah.
Washington City, May 30, 1831.
To the Portland Courier, if it ever gets there, away down east
in the State of Maine, to be sent to Uncle Joshua Downing,
up in Downingville, with care and speed.
Dear Uncle Josh, — I've got here at last, to this
great city where they make offices, and I'm deter-
mined not to leave it till I get one. It is n't sich a
great city after all as New York, though they do a
great deal more business here than they do at New
York. I dont mean vessel business and trade, for
there's no end to that in New York, but in making
offices and sich like; and they say its the most profit-
able business in the country. If a man can get hold
of a pretty good office, he can get rich enough by it
in three or four years, and not have to work very
hard neither. I tell you what, uncle, if I make out
to my mind here, I shall come back again one of
these days in a rather guess way than what I come
142 LETTERS OF
on. I dont have to foot it again Til warrant you,
and guess poor cousin Sally wont have to set up
all night to mend my coat and darn my stockings.
You'll see me coming dressed up like a lawyer, with
a fine carriage and three or four hosses. And then
them are chaps in Portland that used to laugh at me
so about being Governor, may sneeze at me if they
dare to, and if they dont keep out of my way I'll ride
right over 'em. I had a pretty tuff time coming on
here. Its a long tiresome road through the Jarseys.
I had to stop twice to get my shoes tapt, and once
to get an old lady to sow up a rip in my coat while I
chopped wood for her at the door to pay for it. But
I shant mind all the hard work I've had of it, if I
can make out to come home rich.
I got a pretty good boost in Boston, as I writ you
in my last, by the editors giving me recommenda-
tions. But it was nothing at all hardly to what I got
in New York, for they gave me a public dinner there.
I cant think what's the matter that it hasn't been pub-
lished yet. Major Noah promised me he'd have it
all put into the New York Courier and Enquirer the
very next day after I left New York, so that it should
get to Washington as soon as I did; and now I've
been here about a week and it hasn't come yet. If
it does'nt come soon, I shall write an account of the
dinner myself, and send it home and get it put in
the Portland Courier. It was a most capital dinner,
uncle; I dont know as I ever eat hartier in my life,
for being pretty short of money I had pinched rather
close a day or two, and to tell the truth I was as hun-
gry as a bear. We had toasts and speeches and a
great many good things. I dont mean sich toast as
they put butter on to eat, but toast to drink. — And
they dont exactly drink 'em neither; but they drink
the punch and speak the toasts.
I cant think Major Noah meant to deceive me
about publishing the proceedings of the dinner, for
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 143
he appeared to be a very clever man, though he was
the funniest chap that ever I see. There wasn't a
man in New York that befriended me more than he
did; and he talked to me very candidly, and advised
me all about how to get an office. In the first place,
says he, Mr. Downing, you cant get any kind of an
office at Washington, unless you are a true blue
genuine democratic republican. I told him I had
recommendations coming to prove that I was all that.
They are very strict, says he, in regard to that at
Washington. If James Madison should apply for
an office at Washington, says he, he couldn't get it.
What, says I, him that was President! for it kind of
startled me a little if such an old republican as he
was couldn't get an office. It's true, says he, if
James Madison should apply for an office he could
n't get it. — Why not, says I? Because, says he, he
has turned federalist. It's melancholy to think, says
he, how many good old republicans at the south are
turning federalists lately. He said he was afraid
there wasn't more than one true genuine old demo-
cratic republican left in Virginny, and that was old
Mr. Ritchie of the Richmond Enquirer; and even
he seemed to be a little wavering since Mr. Calhoun
and some others had gone over.
Well there's Mr. Clay, says I, of Kentucky, I
dont think he'll ever flinch from the republican cause.
Henry Clay, says he, turning up his nose, why he's
been a federalist this six years. No, no, Mr. Down-
ing, if you think of going that gate, you may as well
turn about and go home again before you go any
further. What gate, says I.? Why to join the Clay
party, says he. I told him I never had sich a thought
in my hfe; I always belonged to the republican par-
ty, and always meant to. He looked rather good-
natured again when he heard that; and says he, do
you know what the true republican doctrine is? I
told him I had always had some kind of an idea of
144 LETTERS OF
it, but I didn't know as I could explain it exactly.
Well, says he, I'll tell you; it is to support Gen-
eral Jackson for re-election, through thick and thin.
That is the only thing that will save the country from
ruin. And if general Jackson should be unwell or
any thing jest before election, so he could not be a
candidate, the true republican doctrine is to support
Mr. Van Buren. I told him, very well, he might
depend upon my sticking to the repubhcan party, all
weathers. Upon that he set down and wrote me a
recommendation to the President for an office, and
it almost made me blush to see what a master sub-
stantial genuine republican he made me. I had a
number more capital recommendations at New York,
but I havn't time to tell you about 'em in this letter.
Some were to Mr. Clay, and some to Mr. Van
Buren, and some to Mr. Calhoun, I took 'em all,
for I thought it was kind of uncertain whose hands I
might fall into hereafter, and it might be well enough
to have two or three strings to my bow.
I havn't called on the President yet, though Pve
been here about a week. My clothes had got so
shabby, I thought I better hire out a few days and
get sHcked up a little. Three of the offices that I
come after are gone slick enough, and the other one's
been given away to a Mr. White, but he wouldn't
take it; so I'm in hopes I shall be able to get it.
And if I dont get that, there's some chance for me
to get in to be Vice President, for they had a great
Jackson meeting here 'tother day, and they kicked
Mr. Calhoun right out doors, and said they wouldn't
have him for Vice President no longer. Now some
say they think I shall get it, and some think Mr.
Van Buren '11 get it.
Howsomever, I feel pretty safe, for Maj. Noah told
me if I couldn't get any thing else, the President
could easily make a foreign mission for me. I shall
call on the good old Gineral in two or three days and
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 145
find out what my luck is, and then I shall let you
know. Give my love to ant and cousin Nabby, and
all of 'em. It makes me feel kind of bad when I think
how fur I've got from home.
Your loving neffu, JACK DOWNING.
LETTER XXXV.
In ivhich Mr. Downing tells how he striptup his sleeves
and defended Mr. Ingham on his front door-steps
during the after-clap that followed the blow-up of the
Cabinet,
Washington City, June 21, 1831.
To the Portland Courier again away down there in the State of
Maine, to be sent to Uncle Joshua Downing, up in Downing-
ville, or else to Cousin Nabby, it is n't much matter which,
being that some of it is about the ladies.
Dear Uncle Josh. — It's pretty trying times here.
They carry on so like the old smoker, I dont hardly
know what to make of it. If I had n't said I would
n't leave Washington till I got an office, I dont know
but I should come back to Downingville and go to
planting potatoes. Them are Huntonites and Jack-
sonites down there in Maine last winter were pretty
clever sort of folks to what these chaps are here.
Cause down there if they got ever so mad, they did
n't do nothing but talk and jaw one another; but here
if any body does n't do to suit 'em, fact they '11 up
and shoot him in a minute. I did n't think getting an
office was such dangerous kind of business, or I dont
know as I should have tried it. Howsomever, it's
neck or nothing with me now, and I must do some-
thing to try to get some money here, for I about as
lieves die as to undertake to foot it away back again
clear to the State of Maine. And as the folks have
to go armed here, I want you to put my old fowling
piece into the stage and send it on here as quick as
13
146 LETTERS OF
possible. I hope you'll be as quick as you can about
it, for if I get an office I shant dare to take it till I
get my gun. They come pretty near having a shoot-
ing scrape here yesterday. The Telegraph paper
said something about Mr. Eaton's wife. It was noth-
ing that I should think they need to make such a fuss
about; it only said that some of the ladies here re-
fused to visit her. But some how or other it made
Mr. Eaton as mad as a March hair. He declared
he'd fight somebody, he did n't care who.
The first man he happened to come at was Mr.
Ingham. So he dared Mr. Ingham out to fight. Ts ot
to box, as they do sometimes up in Downingville,
but to stand and shoot at each other. But Mr. Ing-
ham would n't touch to, and told him he was crazy.
That made Mr. Eaton ten times more mad than he
was before; and he declared he'd flog him any how,
whether he was willing or not. So he got a gang of
gentlemen yesterday to go with him to the Treasury
office where Mr. Ingham does his writing, and waited
there and in a grog shop close by as much as two
hours for a chance to catch him and give it to him.
Mr. Ingham was out a visiting in the city, and when
he got home his folks told him what was going on,
and begged him not to go to the office for he would
certainly be killed. Poh, says he, do you think I'm
afraid of them are blustering chaps? There's more
smoke than fire there, I can tell ye; give me my
pistols, it is time for me to go to the office. Some of
the ladies cried, and some almost fainted away. But
he pacified 'em as well as he could, and then set out
for the office, and three or four men went with him,
and I guess they carried something under their arms
that would make daylight shine through a feller pretty
quick. And I guess the gang of gentlemen waiting
for him begun to smell a rat, for they cleared out
pretty soon and never touched him. But their cour-
age came again in the evening, and this same gang
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 149
of gentlemen turned out and marched up to Mr.
Ingham's house, and threatened to burst tlie doors
open and drag him out by the hair of the head and
skin him aUve. I thought this was carrying the joke
rather too far, so I tho't I'd put in my oar; for when
I see any body run upon too hard I cant help taking
their part.
So I stepped up on to Mr. Ingham's front door
steps, and threw my hat down, and rolled up my
sleeves, and spit on my hands; and by that time the
chaps began to stare at me a little. And now, says I,
Major Eaton, this is quite too bad. A man's house
is his castle. Here's Mr. Ingham in his house as
peaceable as a lamb; he is n't a meddling with no-
body, and you need n't think to drag him out here
to-night, I can tell ye. If you really want to take a
bit of a box, just throw away your powder and ball,
and here's the boy for you. I'll take a fist or two
with you and glad of the chance. You impudent
scoundrel, says he, who are you? what business is it
to you what I done? Clear out, or I'll send you
where you ought to been long ago. Well, then,
you'll send me into some good office, says I, for
there's where I ought to have been more than two
years ago. Well, says he, clear out, and up he come
blustering along towards the steps. But I jest put
my foot down, and doubled up my fist, and now, says
I, Major Eaton, it wont be healthy for you to come
on to these steps to-night.
Says he, I'm going through that door whether or
no. Says I, you dont go through this door to-night,
without you pass over the dead body oi Jack Downing
of the State of Maine. My stars, when they heard
that, they dropt their heads as quick as though they
had been cut off, for they did n't know who I was be-
fore. Major Eaton and the whole gang of gentlemen
with him turned right about and marched away as still
as a pack of whipped puppies. They were afraid \
13*
150 LETTERS OF
should have 'em all up before the President to-day,
and have 'em turned out of office; for it's got whis-
pered round the city that the President sets a great
deal by me, and that I have a good deal of influence
v/iih him.
This morning Mr. Ingham started for Philadelphy.
Before he left, he thanked me a thousand times for
defending his house so well last night, and he wrote
a letter to the President, telling him all about the
scrape. I v/ent a piece with him to see him safe out
of the city on the great road towards Baltimore.
About my prospects for an office, I cant tell you yet
how I shall come out. I've been in to see the Presi-
dent a number of times, and he talks very favorable.
I have some chance to get in to be Secretary of War,
if old Judge White dont take it; and if I dont get
that the President says he '11 do the best he can for me.
I never had to be so strict a republican before in my
life as I've had to be since I've been here in order to
get the right side of the President. I'll tell you some-
thing about it in my next, and about my visits to the
President, and a good many other famous things here.
P. S. Be sure and send the old gun as quick as
possible. Your loving neffij,
JACK DOWNING.
LETTER XXXVI.
In which Cousin Ephraim tells about the persecution of
poor Mrs. JVo-tea.
TROUBLE IN DOWiNINGVILLE.
To cousin Jack Downing, down to Portland, if he's got back,
if he hasn't I want the Portland Courier to send this on to
Washington.
Dear Cousin Jack. — Your uncle Joshua has been
turned out of General Combs' employ only jest be-
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 161
cause your cousin Naby, Mrs. Inkhorn, and Mrs.
Thimblebury, and a few other of the topping-folks,
wouldn't invite poor Mrs. No-tea to their husking and
quilting parties. I had a long talk with the General
t'other day — he was hopping mad, and declared he
would turn every man and woman off of his farm and
out of his mills rather than that good woman should
be treated in the manner she had been. She was as
good as the best of 'em any day, and he could prove
it. He did n't care so much about her going to their
afternoon visits when they went sociable without
stays, and took their knitting-work and got home
again before milking time; but when there was a
grand husking or quilting, he thought it pesky hard
and lonely for her to stay at home, while every body
else in Downingville was trying the double shuffle
and the cutting out jigg. I tho't so too; but I told
the General it was no use for him to make such a fuss
about it; that he had better attack old Ticonderogue
in front and rear than undertake to make women haw
or jee if they want a mind to — they always would
have their own way in spite of every body and Tom
Walker besides, and the less he had to do with them
the better. With that he up and smashed his pipe
into the fire-place and stompt like fury and bedlame.
I scampered off" in less than no time to inform you
how matters were going. You had better come up
and try to put things to rights.
As you have no wife nor children, I think you can
manage affairs more to your own and the General's
liking than any one else of the family.
Your luvin cousin,
EPHRAIM.
152 LETTERS OF
LETTER XXXVII.
Mr. Downing receives a Captain's Commission in the
United States Army with orders to go and protect the
inhabitants of Madawaska.
Washington City, the 20th day of Oct. 1831.
To the Portland Courier away down in the State of Maine, to
be sent to Uncle Joshua Downing up in Downingville, this
with care and speed, and dont let any body see it.
Dear Uncle Josh, — I 've got it at last as true as
you 're alive, and now I dont keer a snap for the fat-
test of 'em. I '11 teach them are young chaps down
to Portland that used to poke fun at me so because I
did n't get in to be Governor, that they must carry a
better tongue in their heads, or they '11 find out who
they are talking to. I guess they '11 find out by and
by it wont be healthy for 'em to poke fun at an officer
of my rank. And as for Jemime Parsons that married
the school master winter before last, when she had
promised as fair as could be that she would have me,
she may go to grass for what I keer; I would n't have
her now no more than I 'd have a Virginny nigger.
And I guess when she comes to see me with my reg-
imentals on she 'II feel sorry enough, and wish her
cake was dough again. Now she 's tied down to that
clodpole of a school master, that was n't fit for a
school master neither, for he has had to go to hoeing
potatoes for a living, and much as ever he can get
potatoes enough to keep 'em from starving, when if
she had only done as she had promised, she might now
be the wife of Capt. Jack Downing of the United
States Army. But let her got as I said afore, I dont
care a snap for her or all old White's cattle. I '11 tell
you what 'tis uncle, I feel about right now. It seems
to me I could foot it home in two days, for my feet
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 153
never felt half so light before. There's nothing like
trying, in this world, uncle; any body that tries can
be something or other, if he dont get discouraged too
soon. - When I came on here, you know, I expected
to get one of the great Secretaries' offices; but the
good old President told me they had got him into such
a hobble about them are offices that he could n't give
me one of 'em if he was to die. But he treated me
like a gentleman, and I shall always vote for him as
long as I live, and I told him so. And when he found
out that I was a true genuine republican, says he,
Mr. Downing, you must be patient, and I'll bear you
in mind, and do something for you the very first
chance. And you may depend upon it Mr. Downing,
he added with a good deal of earnestness, I never
desert my friends, let that lying Stephen Simpson
of Philadelphy say what he will about it, a good for
nothing ungrateful dog. And he fetched a stomp with
his foot and his eyes kind of flashed so fiery, that I
could n't help starting back, for I did n't know but he
was going to knock me over. Bat he look'd pleasant
again in a minute, and took me by the hand, and now,
says he, Mr. Downing, I give you my honor that I'll
do something for you as soon as I possibly can. I
told him I hoped he would be as spry as he could about
it, for I had but jest ninepence left, and I did n't know
how I should get along very well, in a strange place
too. But he told me never to mind that at all; I might
come and eat my meals at his house whenever I'd a
mind to, or he would be bondsman for my board where
I put up. So I've worked along from that time to this,
nearly four months, as well as I could, sometimes get-
ting a little job of garden-work, and sometimes get-
ting a little wood to saw, and so on, nearly enough to
pay my expenses. I used to call and see the Presi-
dent once in a while, and he always told me I must
be patient and keep up a good heart, the world was n't
made in one day, and something would turn up forme
154 LETTERS OF
by and by. But fact, after digging, and sawing, and
waiting four months, my patience got most wore out,
and I was jest upon the point of giving up the chase,
and starting oif for Downingville with the intention
of retiring to private hfe; when last night, about sev-
en o'clock, as I sot eating a bowl of bread and milk
for my supper, a boy knocked at the door and wanted
to see Mr. Downing. So they brought him into the
room where I was, and says he, Mr. Downing, the
President wants to see you for something very par-
ticular, right away this evening. My heart almost
jump'd right up in my mouth. My spoon dropt out
of my hand, and to eat another mouthful I could n't if
I was to starve. I flew round, and washed my face and
hands, and combed my head, and brushed up as well
as I could, and should have looked tolerable spruce
if it had n't been for an unlucky hole in the knee of
my trouses. What to do I did not know. It made
me feel bad enough I can tell you. The woman
where I boarded said she would mend them for me if
I would take them off, but it would take her till about
nine o'clock, and the President was waiting for me,
and there 'twas. Such a hobble I never was in be-
fore. But this woman is a kind good creature as ever
was; she boards me for four and sixpence a week, con-
sidering that I split wood for her, and bring water, and
do all sich kind of chores. And she always had some
contrivance to get out of every difficulty ; and so she
handed me a neat little pocket handkerchief and told
me to tie that round my knee. Being thus rigged
out at last, I started off as fast as I could go for the
President's.
When I went into his room, the old gentleman was
setting by a table with his spectacles on, and two great
lamps burning before him, and a bundle of letters and
papers in his hand. He started up and took me by the
hand, and says he, good evening Mr. Downing, I 'm
very glad to see you ; you are the very man I want
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 155
now, above all others in the world. But how is this,
said he? looking at my knee. Not lame, I hope?
That would be a most unfortunate thing in this criti-
cal moment. It would knock my plan in the head at
once. I felt kind of blue, and I guess I blushed a
little ; but I turned it off as well as I could ; I told him I
was n't lame at all, it was nothing but a slight scratch,
and by to-morrow morning I should be as well as ever
I was in my life. Well then says he, Mr. Downing,
set down here and see what I 've got to tell you.
The old gentleman set himself back in his chair and
pushed his spectacles up on his forehead and held up
the letter in his hand, and says he, Mr. Downing,
here is a letter from Governor Smith of Maine, and
now Sir, I 've got something for you to do. You see
now that I was sincere when I told you if you would
be patient and stick to the republican text, I would
look out for you one of these days. I 'm always true
to my friends; that lying Stephen Simpson might have
had an office before now if he had behaved himself.
Well, dear sir, said I, for I felt in such a pucker to
know what I was going to get that I could n't stand
it any longer, so says I, what sort of business is it
you 've got for me to do? Says he, Mr. Downing, I
take it you are a man of courage; I have always-
thought so ever since you faced Mr. Eaton so boldly
on Mr. Ingham's door steps. Tho' I was sorry your
courage was not displayed in a better cause, for that
Ingham is a rascal after all. I told him as for courage
I beheved I had some of the stuff about me when
there was any occasion for it, and that I never would
stand by and see any body abused. Well, says he,
we must come to the point, for the business requires
haste.
Governor Smith writes me that there are four of
your fellow citizens of Maine in a British jail at Fred-
ericton, who have been taken from their farms by
British constables and sheriffs and other officers and
156 LETTERS OF
carried off by force to prison. By this time my very
hair begun to curl, I felt so mad, and I could n't help
jumping up and smiting my fists together, and saying
pretty hard things about the British. Well, says the
President, I like your spunk Mr. Downing; you 're
jest the man I want in this business. I 'm going to
give you a captain's commission in the United States'
army, and you must go down there and set that busi-
ness right at Madawaska.
You must go to Maine and raise a company of
volunteers, as quick as possible, tell 'em I '11 see 'em
paid, and you must march down to Fredericton and
demand the prisoners, and if they are not given up
you must force the jail, and if the British make any
resistance you must fire upon them and bring the
prisoners off at some rate or other. Then write me
and let me know how affairs stand, and I '11 give you
further orders. At any rate you must see that the
rights of Maine are well protected, for that state has
come round so in my favor since last year I 'm deter-
mined to do every thing I can for them; I tell you
Mr. Downing, I never desert my friends. So after
he gave me the rest of my orders, and my commis-
sion, and a pocket full of money, and told me to be
brave and if I wanted any thing to let him know, he
bid me good night, and I went home. But I could n't
sleep a wink all night. I was up before day light
this morning, and I 've got two women to work for
me to day fixing up my clothes, and I shall be ready
to start to-morrow morning. I want you to keep this
matter pretty still till I get there, except that you may
let cousin Ephraim know it and get him to volunteer
some of the Downingville boys for my company. I
want to get them pretty much all there if I can, for
I know what sort of stuff the Downingville boys are
made of, and shall know what I've got to depend upon.
In haste, your loving neffu,
CAPT. JACK DOWNING.
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 157
LETTER XXXVIII.
In which Captain Dovming describes his return to
Doivningville, after an absence of two years.
Do^vniugvilie, Nov. 8, 1831.
To the Editor of the Portland Courier.
My dear old Friend, you. — I got home to Down-
ingville last night after an absence of nearly two
years. I meant to stop at Portland as I come on from
Washington, but some how or other, I got into the
wrong stage somewhere in New Hampshire, and come
the upper road before I knew it. So the first thing I
knew, when I thought I had got almost to Portland,
I found myself plump in Downingville. But the dear
folks were all so glad to see me, I didn't feel much
sorry. Cousin JVabby hopped right up and down,
like a mouse treed in a flour barrel; and Ephraim
snapped his thumb and finger, and spit on his hands
as though he had a cord of wood to chop; and poor
ant Keziah set down and cried as much as two hours
steady. Uncle Joshua catched down his pipe, and
made the smoke roll out well; I never saw him smoke
so t^ast before in my life; he finished two pipes full of
tobacco in less than five minutes. I felt almost like a
fool myself, and had to keep winking and swallowing,
or I should have cried as hard as any of 'em. But
you know it wouldn't do for a captain to cry, espe-
cially when he was going to enlisting soldiers.
Well, I must hurry along with my letter, for I
haven't got much time to write to-day. I have been
round among the folks in Downingville this forenoon
to see how they felt about the Madawaska business,
and whether any of 'em would go a sogering down
there with me. I find some of 'em are right up about
14
158 LETTERS Of
it, and ready to shoulder their guns and march to-
morrow if I say the word, and others are a Httle offish.
I guess I shall get about half enough for a compa-
ny here pretty easy, and if I find it hard dragging to
pick up the restj I shall come right down to Portland
to fill up my company there. For uncle Joshua tells
me he has had some letters from Portland within a
few days, and he says there are a number of chaps
down there as warm as rnustard about going to war
down to Madawaska, and are only waiting for a good
chance to list, and some of 'em he thinks will make
capital sargents and corporals. I should be glad if
you would send me word whether you think I could
pick up some good lusty fellows there in case I should
want 'em. I pay a month's wages cash down. But
there is one subject that I feel rather uneasy about,
and that is the greatest reason of my writing you to-
day, to see if you can tell me any thing about it. Last
night uncle Joshua and I sot up talking politicks pret-
ty late, after all the rest of the folks had gone to bed.
I told him all about one thing another at Washington,
and then we talked about the affairs of this State.
I found uncle Joshua didn't stand jest where he
used to. You know once he was a little might in
favor of Mr. Huntoon; and then, when I was up for
Governor, he was altogether in favor of me; and then
he was pretty near equally balanced between Mr.
Smith and Mr. Goodenow; but now, when I come to
talk with him, I found he was all plump over on the
democratic republican side. You know I've been
leaning that way tu, ever since I got in to be good
friends long with President Jackson. So says I,
Well, uncle, our party is strong enough now to carry
all afore 'em in this State. I guess governor Smith
will have more than three quarters of the votes next
time. At which uncle turned round towards me, and
rolled up his great eyes over his spectacles, and took
his pipe out of his mouth and put on a mighty know-
MAJOR JACK DOWNING.
159
iii^ look, and says he, Jack, jest between you and me,
a much better man and a much greater republican than
Gov. Smith, will be Governor of the State of Maine
after another election. t ^ j
I was kind of struck with a dunderment. I sot and
looked at him as much as two minutes, and he all the
time looked as knowing as a fox. At last, says 1,
Uncle, what do you mean ? Didn't all the democrat-
ic republican papers in the State, when Gov. Smith
was elected, say he was the very best republican
there was in the State for Governor? Well, well
Jack, said he, mark my words, that's all. ^^t, said
I uncle, what makes you think so? O, said he, 1
have read the Argus and the Bangor Republican, and
I have had a letter from a man that knows all about
it and when the time comes you'll see. And that
was all I could get out of him. Now I wish you
would let me know what this mystery means. And 1
remain your old friend, ^^^-r^r^
CAPT. JACK DOWNING.
LETTER XXXIX.
Captain Downing' s first Militanj Report to the President.
Madawaska, Nov. 15, 1831.
To his Excellency, Gineral Jackson, President of the United
Slates, fyc.
My good old Sir.— The prisoners are out and no
blood spilt yet. I had prepared to give the British a
most terrible battle, if they hadn't let 'em out. 1 guess
I should made 'em think old Bonapart had got back
among 'em again, for a keener set of fellows than my
company is made up of never shouldered a musket or
trod shoe-leather. I was pesky sorry they let em out
160 LETTERS OF
quite so soon, for I really longed to have a brush with
'em; and how they come to let 'em go I dont know,
unless it was because they heard I was coming. And
I expect that was the case, for the prisoners told me
the British Minister at Washington, sent on some
kind of word to governor Campbell, and I suppose
he told him how I had got a commission, and was com-
ing down upon New Brunswick like a harrycane.
If I could only got down there a little sooner and
fit sich a great battle as you did at ^ew Orleans, my
fortune would have been made for this world. I should
have stood a good chance then to be President of the
United States, one of these days. And that's as high
as ever I should want to get. I got home to Down-
ingville in little more than a week after I left you at
Washington, for having a pretty good pocket full of
money, and knowing that my business was very im-
portant I rid in the stage most all the way. I spose I
needn't stop to tell you how tickled all my folks were
to see me, I did'nt know for awhile but they'd eat
me up. But I spose that's neither here nor there in
making military reports, so I'll go on. I found no
difficulty in getting volunteers. I believe I could have
got nearly half the State of Maine to march if I had
wanted 'em. But as I only had orders to list one
good stout company, I took 'em all in Downingville,
for I rather trust myself with one hundred genuine
Downingville boys, than five hundred of your common
run, I took one supernumerary however, when I got
to Bangor, The editor of the Bangor Repubhcan
was so zealous to go, and said he'd fight so to the last
drop of his blood, that I could'nt help taking him, so
I appointed him supernumerary corporal. Poor fellow,
he was so disappointed when he found the prisoners
were out that he fairly cried for vexation. He's for
having me go right on now and give all New Bruns-
wick a real thrasliing.
But I know what belongs to gineralship better than
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 161
that; I haven't had my orders yet. Well, after we
left Bangor we had a dreadful rough and tumble sort
of a journey, over rocks and mountains and rivers and
swamps and bogs and meadows, and through long
pieces of woods that I did n't know as we should find
the way out. But we got through at last, and arrived
here at Madawaska day before yesterday. I thought
I better come this way and make a little stop at Mad-
awaska to see if the prisoners' wives and little ones
were in want of any thing and then go down to Fred-
ericton and blow the British ski high.
When our company first came out in sight in Mad-
awaska, they thought it was the British coming to
catch some more of 'em; and such a scattering and
scampering I guess you never see. The men flew
into the woods like a flock of sheep with forty dogs
after 'em, and the women catched their babies up in
their arms and run from one house to another screech-
ing and screaming enough to make the woods ring
again. But when they found out we were United
States troops come to help 'em, you never see any
body so glad. They all cried for joy then. The wo-
men run into the woods and called for their husbands
to come back again, for there was nobody there that
would hurt them, and back they came and treated us
with the best they had in their houses. And while
we sot chatting, before the women hardly got their
tears wiped up, one of 'em looked up towards the
woods and screamed out there comes the pnsoners.
Some turned pale a little, thinking it might be their
ghosts, but in a minute in they come, as good flesh
and blood as any of us, and then the women had an-
other good crying spell.
I asked one of the prisoners how they got away,
for I thought yo,u would want to know all about it;
and says he we come away on our legs. Did you
break out of jail, said I? I guess there was no need
of that, said he, for we want locked in half the time.
14*
162 LETTERS OF
Did you knock down the jruard, said I, and fight your
way out? Humph! said he, I guess we might have
hunted one while before we could find a guard to
knock down. IN'obody seemed to take any care of
us, if we wanted a drop of grog we had to go out and
buy it ourselves. Well but, said I, if you were left
in such a loose state as that, why did you not run
away before? Tut, said he, shrugging up his shoul-
ders, I guess we knew what we were about; the longer
we staid there the more land the state of Maine would
give us to pay us for being put in jail, but when they
turned us out of jail, and would'nt keep us any longer,
we thought we might as well come home.
And now, my good old sir, since matters are as
they are, I shall take up my head quarters here at
Madawaska for the present, and wait for further or-
ders. I shall take good care of the people here, and
keep every thing in good order, and not allow a single
JVew Brunswicker to come any where within gun-shot.
As for that Leftenant Governor, Mr. Archibald Camp-
bell, he better keep himself scarce; if he shows his
head here again, I shall jest put him into a meal bag
and send him to Washington. I shall expect to hear
from you soon, and as I shall have to be here some-
time, I dont know but you had better send me on a
little more money. My uniform got rather shattered
coming through the woods, and it will cost me some-
thing to get it fixt up again.
This from your old friend and humble servant,
CAPT. JACK DOWNING.
MAJOR JACK DOWNING.
163
LETTER XL.
Capt. Downing visits the Legislature of Maine again.
Augusta, State of Maine, Jan. 4, 1832.
To the Editor of the PoHland Courier.
My de^r old Friend,— Here I am right among
the Lecrislater folks, jest as I used to he down there
to Portland. I got here last night after a pretty hard
iourney from Madawaska, rather lame, and my teet
and ears froze pretty bad. I hope I shant lose any
one of 'em, for if I should lose my feet I should n t
stand much of a fag with the British down there to
Fredericton in case we should have a brush with^em.
And all my hopes about ever being President of the
United States depends on the woful whipping 1 m
eoing to give the British. And I 'm afraid I should
n't be much better off if I should lose my ears for a
President without ears would cut rather a sorry figure
there to Washington. I sent on to the old President
to see if he would let me have a furlough to come up
to AutTusta, while the Legislaters were here, for 1
thought I could n't Stan it without bemg here to see
how they get along. The President said he did n t
think there would be any fighting down to Madawaska
before the spring opens, so he did n't care if 1 went.
I jest hobbled into the Legislator to-day to see em
chuse officers; but I have n't any time to tell you
what a great fine house they 've got into. I believe
it 's vastly better than the one they had to Portland
though And I guess there '11 be no stopping the
wheds of government this year, for I believe they
have got the house fixed so as to carry the wheels by
steam* They got the steam up before I went in, and
* .Yote. The State House being new and the walls not dried
when fires came to be made in the rooms, it filled them with
thick vapor for several days, which led Capt. Downmg to sup-
pose the Legislature was going by steam.
164 LETTERS OP
it was so thick sometimes, that I should think the
wheels might go like a buzz.
They told me there was a good many new members,
and a good many more of 'em, than there was last
year; so I did n't know as I should see hardly any
body that I knew. But I never was more agreeably
disappointed in my life than I was by the first voice I
heard calling the members to order.
I knew it as quick as I could tell the fife and drum
of my own company at Madawaska. And if I should
hear that fife and drum this very minute it would n't
give a pleasanter thrill to my feelings. I look'd
round and sure enough there was the sandy honest
look, and the large fleshy figure, of my old friend
Mr. Knowlton of Montville, holding abroad brimmed
hat in his hand, and calling upon the great jam of
folks to come to order. I could n't hardly help
crowding right in among 'em to shake hands with
him, I was so glad to see him. But as I was only a
lobby member 1 thout it would n't do.
But I '11 tell you what 't is, you may depend upon
the business going off glibb here this winter; for
having a building go by steam and Mr. Knowlton here
too to drive it, it aint all the Jacksonites and Hunton-
ites in the state that can stop it. And besides I c^nt
find out as yet that there is any more than one party
here ; if there should be hereafter, I '11 let you know.
I was glad they chose Mr. White to be speaker, for
he 's always so good-natured and uses every body so
well, I cant help liking him. I have n't been in the
Sinnet yet, but they say Mr. Dunlap is President.
I was in hopes to see Elder Hall here this winter, but
I believe he has n't come
Your old Friend,
CAPT. JACK DOWNING.
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 165
LETTER XLI.
Progress of proceedings in the Legislature.
Augusta, State of Maine, Jan. 19, 1832.
To the Editor of the Portland Courier.
My dear old Friend. — If I could n't write to you
once in a while, I don't know but I should die. When
any thing has kept me from writing two or three
weeks, I get in such a taking it seems as though I
should split, and the only way I can get relief is to
take my pen and go at it. The reason why you have
n't heard from me this fortnight past, is this dreadful
furenza. We've all got it here, and it's nothing but
cough, cough, the whole time. If a member gets up
to speak, they all cough at him. If he says any thing
that they like, they cough at it; and if he says any
thing that they dont like, they cough at it. So let
him say what he will they keep a steady stream of
coughing. I've been amost sick for a week. Some
days I want hardly able to set up. But I'm getting
cleverly now, and I hope I shall be able to let you
hear from me once or twice a week during the session.
The wheels of government go pretty well this win-
ter. Some say that some folks have tried to trig ^em
two or three times, but I dont hardly think that is the
case, for they havn't been stopt once. And, as I
said in my last letter, if my friend Mr. Knowlton
stands as foreman, and keeps his broad shoulders to
the wheels, I dont believe they will stop this winter.
By the way, I made a little small mistake about Mr.
Knowlton's hat. I should n't have thought it worth
while to mention it again, if the Augusta Courier of
this morning had n't spoke of it as though I did n't
mean to tell the truth. Now you know Mr. Editor,
I would n't be guihy of telling a falsehood for my
right hand. When Mr. Knowlton called the members
166 LETTERS OF
to order the first day of the session, I certainly thought
I saw him holding in his hand a broad brimmed white
hat. It might be my imagination, remembering how
he used to look, or it might possibly be the hat of
the member standing by the side of him, for I was
some ways off.
I'm pesky fraid the general government may settle
that hash down there to Madawaska as Mr. Nether-
lands that they left out to, recommended. If they
should I'm afraid my jig would be up about fighting a
battle very soon, or getting in to be President.
Our party's got into a dreadful kind of a stew here
about who shall be next Senator to Congress and one
thing another. We've got into such a snarl about it,
I'm afraid we never shall get unravelled again without
cutting off the tangles, and that would divide us so
we never should hold together in the world. I wrote
to the Argus yesterday, to be sure not to reply to
the Age for its ungentlemanly remarks about Judge
Preble, and hope it will be prudent enough to follow
my recommendation. We must try to hush these
matters up, or it 'U be the death of the party. I've
had a serious talk with friend Ruggles, and am in
hopes he'll put his hand over the Thomaston paper
and not let it belch out any thing that our enemies
can make a handle of And I guess we shall have a
caucus and try to put a cooler on the Bangor Repub-
lican and the Age.
The Legislators like Augusta considerable well, if
it did n't cost 'em so much more than it did in Port-
land for a living. Such as had to pay two dollars and
a half in Portland for board have to pay three and
four dollars here. When I was in Portland, I used
to get boarded for seven and six pence a week, and
here the cheapest I could get boarded any where,
was ten and sixpence. The Augusta Courier last
week said something about the folks here giving me a
public dinner. I should like it pretty well, for 1 have
rather slim dinners where I board.
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 167
If you see cousin Sally, I wish you'd jest ask her
if she has time before and after school, if she'll knit
me a pair of footings and send 'em up by the stage-
driver, for mine have got pretty full of holes, and I
have n't any body here to mend 'em.
Your old friend,
CAPT. JACK DOWNING.
LETTER XLIL
Capt. Downing is suddenly called to his company at
Madawasha.
Augusta, State of Maine, Jan. 23, 1832.
To the Editor of the Portland Cowier, again.
Dear Friend, — The more I write to you, it seemss
to me the better I like you. I believe there is n't
but one person that I set so much by, and that i^
Gineral Jackson, who was so kind as to give me a
commission, and let me have spending money besides.
I 'm pretty much out of money now, and them an
that I board with keeps dunning me for pay; so I
wish you would be so kind as to send me four or five
dollars till I get some more from the President. I
writ for it last week, and I think I shall get it in a
few days. 1 told you in my last letter, if I got over
the furenza, you should hear from me pretty often.
I 'm getting nicely again now. I dont cough more
than once in five minutes or so, and my toes and
ears that were froze so bad coming up from Mada-
waska are nearly healed over. All I have to do to
'em now is jest to grease 'em a little when I go to
bed at night and in the morning when I get up. I
have to keep a handkerchief over my ears yet whea
I go out, but my toes are so well I dont limp hardly
a mite. As to our Legislater business we get along
middling well, but not quite so fast as I thought we
168 LETTERS OF
should considerin it goes by steam. One reason I
suppose is because Mr. Knowlton has been a good
deal unwell and could n't take hold and drive it right
in end as he used to. But he 's got better now, so
I hope the wheels will begin to buzz again.
About the quarrel that our party's got into, I'm
pesky fraid it '11 blow us up yet; and 1 don't know
what we shall do to stop it. We 've had a caucus as
I told you we should in my last letter, and tried to
hush matters up as well as we could. But some of
'em are so grouty, I expect nothing but what they'll
belch out again.
I w^as glad the Argus took my advice and kept back
the reply to the Age.
We had a little bit of a tussle here to see who
should be appointed agent to go to Washington to
tell the President to hold on to the territory down to
Madawaska. Mr. Preble and Mr. Deane and I were
the three principal candidates. — Some thought Mr.
Preble ought to go because it would be for the inter-
est of the republican party; and some thought Mr.
Deane ought to go because he had been down there
a good deal and knew all about the Madawaska coun-
try; and some thought I ought to go because I had
been down there the last of any body, and because I
was such good friends with the President I should be
likely to do better than any body else could. I thought
my claims were the strongest, and the Governor said
he thought so too. But he said as affairs now stood
it would n't do to appoint any body but Mr. Preble.
And besides I dont know as I ought to go off jest
now, for I had a letter yesterday from one of my sub-
alterns down to Madawaska, that there 's some trouble
with my company there: some of the Sarjents been
breaking orders, &c. and I dont know but I shall
have to go down and Court Martial 'em.
Your friend,
CAPT. JACK DOWNING.
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 169
LETTER XLIII.
Capt. Downing returns to .Rugusta. Is saved from
freezing by a bearskin.
Augusta, State of Maine, Feb. 8, 1832.
To the Editor of the Portland Courier.
Here I be again, my dear friend, right back on
the old spot, poking about the Legislator to see what's
going on, and to help take care the interests of our
party. I got down there to Madawaska jest in the
nick of time; for I got a hoss and rid day and night;
and it was well I did, for Sargant Joel had got so
outrageous mad, I raly believe if I had n't got there
the day I did, he would have strung one or two of
'em right up by the neck. But I quashed matters at
once and sot 'em to studying that are little court mar-
tial book, and told 'em when they had any more fuss
they must try all their cases by that, and they would
n't find any law for hanging in it.
It's dreadful cold down there to Madawaska, I froze
my toes and ears again a little, but not so bad as I
did afore, for I took care to rop up in a great bear-
skin. I see the Legislator's been disputing about
passing a law to kill off all the bears and wolves and
sich kind of critters.
I dont know whether that's a good plan or not.
There's a good deal might be said on both sides.
Them are bears are pesky mischievous. I heard a
story while I was gone, but I dont know how true 'tis,
how a great bear chased the Councillor that the Gov-
ernor sent down to Fredickton to carry provisions to
our prisoners in jail there. Some reckoned the bear
smelt the bread and cheese that he had in his saddle
bags, and so took after him to get some of it. How-
15
170 LETTERS OF
ever, the Councillor got back safe. But I think this
is a great argument in favor of killing off the bears.
And on the other hand I believe the bear skin was all
that kept me from freezing to death going to Mada-
waska tother day. So it seems we ought not to kill
'em quite all off, but raise enough to keep us in
bear-skins; fori suppose my life would be worth as
much to the State as the Councillor's.
I feel a little put out with Dr. Burnham for an
unhansome running he gave me 'tother day in the
Senate. He called me an ' old rogue.' I cant swal-
low that very well; for that's a character I never bore
in Downingville nor Washington, nor any where else.
He was disputing about paying Mr. Deane and Ca-
vano for going to Madawaska. He said they had n't
ought to pay so much, for if they went at this rate,
next thing that old rogue, Capt. Jack Downing,
would be sending in his bill.
But he need n't trouble himself about that, for as
long as I have President Jackson to look to for pay-
master, I dont care a snap about sending in any bills to
the Legislator. But as for being called an old rogue,
I wont. I dont mean to make a great fuss about it in
the papers, as the Argus and Age did, so as to break
up the harmony of the republican party. But if Dr.
Burnham dont give me satisfaction, I'll call a caucus
of the party and have him over the coals and du him
over. *
Your loving friend,
CAPT. JACK DOWNING.
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 171
LETTER XLIV.
In which Captain Downing tells about the Legislature's
making Lawyers.
Augusta, State of Maine, March 1st, 1832.
To the Editor of the Portland Courier.
My dear old Friend, — I begin to feel as uneasy
as a fish out of water, because I havn't writ to you
for most two weeks. Now, old March has come,
and found us digging here yet; and sometimes I'm
most afraid we shall be found digging here, when we
ought to be at home digging potatoes, or planting of
'em at least. I've been waiting now above a week
for the Legislator to do something, that I could write
to you about; but they dont seem to get along very
smart lately. Sometimes the wheels almost stop;
and then they start and rumble along a little ways,
and then they drag again. I dont think we shall get
through before sometime next week, if we do before
week arter. These secret sessions take up a good
deal of time. I dont see what in natur they have so
many of 'em for. I tried to get into some of 'em,
but they wouldn't let me; they said lobby members
had no business there, and shot the door right in my
face. There's one kind of business though that they
carry on here pretty brisk lately, and that is, making
lawyers. Some days they make 'em almost as fast
as uncle Ephraim used to make sap-troughs; and I've
known him to chop off and hew out two in fifteen
minutes.
But for all the Legislator can make 'em so fast, it
is as much as ever they can get along with all that
come and want to be made over into lawyers. And
'tother day, when the law committee got pretty well
stuck, having so many of 'em on hand, a new batch
172 LETTERS OF
come up, and Mr. Hall of your town moved to refer
them to the committee on manufactures. This is a
capital committee to make things, and I havn't heard
any complaint since, but what they can turn 'em out
as fast as they come. It rather puzzled me at first
to know what made every body want to be worked
over into lawyers; so I asked one of 'em that stood
waiting round here a day or two, to be put into the
hopper and ground over, what he wanted to be made
into a lawyer for? And he kind of looked up one
side at me, and give me a knowing wink, and says
he, don't you know that the lawyers get all the fat
things of the land, and eat out the insides of the ois-
ters, and give the shels to other folks? And if a
man wants to have any kind of an office, he can't get
it unless he's a lawyer; if he wants to go to the Leg-
islator, he can't be elected without he's a lawyer;
and if he wants to get to Congress, he cant go
without he's a lav>^yer; and any man that don't get
made into a lawyer as fast as possible, I say, is a
fool. The whole truth come across my mind then,
as quick as a look, why it was that I spent two or
three years trying to get an office, and couldn't get
one. It was because I wasn't a lawyer. And I dont
believe I should have got an office to this day, if my
good friend President Jackson hadn't found out I
was a brave two fisted chap, and jest the boy to go
down to Madawaska and flog the British.
We've agreed unanimouslij to support Governor
Smith for re-election; and he'll come in all hollow,
let the Jacksonites and Huntonites say what they
will about it. Our party know too well which side
their bread is buttered, to think of being split up this
heat. I should write you more to day, but I feel
so kind of agitated about these secret sessions,* that
I cant hardly hold my pen still. I'm a little afraid
" The Legislature about this time held several secret sessions
on the subject of the North-Eastern Boundary.
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 173
they are intriguing to send on to the President to
take my commission away from me. It has been
thrown out to me that I ought to be down to Mada-
waska, instead of being here all winter. Some have
hinted to me that Mr. Clifford has taken a miff against
me, because the other day when he was chosen
Speaker pro. tem. one of my friends voted for me;
and he thinks I was a rival candidate, and means to
have me turned out of office if he can.
I am your loving friend,
CAPT. JACK DOWNING.
LETTER XLV.
Capt. Downing is in a peck of trouble about the Legis-
lature's selling Madawaska to the General Govern-
ment to be given up to the British, and sits down and
figures up the price.
Madawaska, State of Maine, or else Great Britain, I dent
know which, March 12, 1832.
To the Editor of the Portland Courier — this with care and
speed.
My dear old Friend, — I cleared out from Au-
gusta in such a kind of a whirlwind, that I hadn't time
to write you a single word before I left. And I feel
so kind of crazy now, I dont know hardly which end
I stand upon. I've had a good many head-flaws and
worriments in my life time, and been in a great many
hobbles, but I never, in all my born days, met with
any thing that puzzled me quite so bad as this ere
selling Old down here. I fit in the Legislator as long
as fighting would do any good, that is, I mean in the
caucus, for they wouldn't let me go right into the
15*
174 LETTERS OF
Legislate!" in the day time and talk to 'em there, be-
cause I was only a lobby member. But jest let them
know it, lobby members can do as much as any of
'em on sich kind of business as this. I laid it down
to 'em in the caucus as well as I could. I asked 'em
if they didn't think I should look like a pretty fool,
after marching my company down there, and stand-
ing ready all winter to flog the whole British nation
the moment any of 'em stept a foot on to our land, if
I should now have to march back again and give up
the land and all without flogging a single son-of-a-gun
of 'em. But they said it was no use, it couldn't be
helped: Mr. Netherlands had given the land away to
the British, and the President had agreed to do jest
as Mr Netherlands said about it, and all we could
do now was to get as much pay for it as we could.
So I set down and figured it, up a little to see how
much it would come to, for I used to cypher to the
rule of three when I went to school, and I found it
would come to a pretty round sum. There vv^as, in
the first place, about two millions of acres of land.
This, considerin the timber there was on. it, would
certainly be worth a dollar an acre, and that would
be two millions of dollars. Then there was Uvo or
three thousand inhabitants, say twenty-five hundred;
we must be paid for them too, and how much are they
worth ? I've read in the newspapers tliat black slaves,
at the south, sell for three or four hundred dollars
apiece. I should think, then, that white ones ought
to fetch eight hundred. This, ficcording to the rule
of three, would be two hundred thousand dollars.
Then there's the pretty little town of Madawaska that
our Legislator made last winter, already cut and
dried with town officers all chosen, and every thing
ready for the British to use without any more trouble.
We ought to have pay for this too, and I should think
it was worth ten thousand dollars.
And then the town of Madawaspa has chosen Mr.
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 175
Lizote to be a representative in the Legislator, and
as the British can take him right into the Parliament
without choosing him over again, they ought to pay
us for that too. Now I have read in the newspapers
that it sometimes costs, in England, two hundred
thousand dollars to choose a representative to Par-
liament, reckoning all the grog they drink and all
the money they pay for votes. But I wouldn't be
screwing about it, so I put Mr. Lizote down at one
hundred thousand dollars. And then I footed up,
and found it to be, —
For land, including timber, two millions
of dollars, $2,000,000
For inhabitants, including women and
children, two hundred thousand dollars, 200,000
For the town of Madawaska, officers and
all, ten thousand dollars, 10,000
For Mr, Lizote, all ready to go to Par-
liament, one hundred thousand dollars, 100,000
Total, $2,310,000
This was a pretty round sum, and I begun to think,
come to divide it out, it would be a slice a-piece
worth having; especially if we didn't give the Feds
any of it, and I supposed we shouldn't, as there
wasn't any of 'em there in the caucus to help see
about it.
' Li this view of the subject,' I almost made up my
mind that we ought to be patriotic enough to give it
up, and help the general government out of the hob-
ble they had got into. And I was jest a-going to
get up and make a speech and tell 'em so, when Mr.
McCrate of Nobleborough, and Capt. Smith of West-
brook, two of the best fellers in our party, came along
and see what I was figuring about, and, says they,
Capt. Downing, are you going to sell your country?
In a minute I felt something rise right up in my
throat, that felt as big as an ox-yoke. As soon as
176 LETTERS OF
I got SO I could speak, says I, JVo, never, while my
name is Jack Downing, or my old rifle can carry a
bullet. They declared too, that they wouldn't sell
out to the 'general government, nor the British, nor
nobody else. And we stuck it out most of the even-
ing, till we found out how it was going, and then we
cleared out, and as soon as the matter was fairly set-
tled, I started off for Madawaska; for I was afraid if
my company should hear of it before I got there, it
would make a blow up among 'em, and I should have
to court-martial 'em.
When I first told 'em how the jig was up with us,
that the British were going to have the land, without
any fighting about it, I never see fellows so mad before
in my life, unless it was Major Eaton at Washington
when he sot out to flog Mr. Ingham. They said if
they could only have had one good battle, they would
n't care a snap about it, but to be played tom-fool
with in this way they wouldn't bear it. They were
so mad, they hopped right up and down, and declared
they never would go back till they had been over to
Fredericton and pulled the jail down, or thrashed
some of the l^ew Brunswick boys. But, after a while,
I pacified 'em by telling 'em if we didn't get a chance
to fight here, I rather thought we might away off to
Georgia, for there was something of a bobbery kick-
ing up, and if the President should want troops to go
on there, I was very sure my company would be one
of the first he would send for.
So here we are, lying upon our arms, not knowing
what to do. I have written to the President, and
hope to hear from him soon. If the land is to go, I
want to know it in season to get oft" before it's all
over; for I'll be hanged if ever I'll belong to the
British.
Your distrest friend,
CAPT. JACK DOWNING.
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 177
LETTER XLVI.
Capt. Downing declines the office of Mayor of Portland.
Portland, State of Maine, April 10, 1832.
To the citizens of Portland.
When I arrived in this city, last night, from Mad-
awaska, jest after the hubbub was over about the
election, I was informed some of my friends in Ward
No. 7, had voted for me for Mayor, I believe the
votes are put in the papers long v/ith the scattering
votes, as I see they dont publish my name.
Now the upshot ont is, I cant take that are office,
I've got so much other business to attend to. And
so I take this opportunity to declare that I absolutely
decline being a candidate. I have a great regard for
the citizens of Portland, for it was they that first gave
me a boost up towards an office, and I should be very
glad to do any thing for 'em that I could; but I must
beg to be excused from being Mayor this year.
I am with respect,
CAPT. JACK DOWNING.
178 LETTERS OF
LETTER XLVII.
In which Capt. Downing relates a confidential conver-
sation with President Jackson vjhile on a journey to
Tennessee.
Washington City, October 20, 1832.
To the Editor of the Portland Courier, away down east iti the
State of Maine : [ O dear, seems to me I never shall get
there again.]
Mr DEAR OLD Friend, — I have n't done anything
this three months that seemed so natural as to set
down and write to you. To write the name of the
Portland Conner raises my sperits right up. It
makes me feel as if I was again talking with you,
and uncle Joshua, and cousin Ephrairn, and cousin
Nabby, and ant Sally, and all of 'em. I and Presi-
dent Jackson got back here yesterday from Tennes-
see, where we've been gone most all summer. And
a long journey we've had of it too. I thought that
from here to Portland was a dreadful ways, but it's a
great deal further to Tennessee. I did n't think be-
fore that our country was half so large as I find it is.
It seems as if there was no end to it; for when we
got clear to Tennessee the President said we want
half way acrost it. I could n't hardly believe him,
but he stood tu it we want. Why, says he, Jack,
I've got the largest country in the world, and the
hardest to govern tu. Say what you will of free
governments, where folks will act pretty much as
they are a mind to, it's the hardest work to adminis-
ter it that ever I did. I had rather fight forty ]Vew
Orleans battles than to govern this everlasting great
country one year. There are so many, you see,
want to have a finger in the pye, it's the most diffi-
cult business you can imagine. You thought you
had a tou{(h time of it, Jack, to take care of them
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 179
are small matters down to Madawaska last winter,
with your brave company of Downingville boys.
But that's no more than a drop in the bucket to being
President one montli. I tell you, Jack, there is n't
a monarch in Europe who has so hard a time of it as
I have. There are so many cooks, the broth most
always comes out rather bad. If I have to write a
message, one must put in a sentence, and another
a sentence, and another, till it gets so at last I can't
hardly tell whether I've written any of it myself or
not. And sometimes I have a good mind to throw it
all in the fire and say nothing at all. But then again
that wont do, for since I've undertaken to be Presi-
dent, I must go through with it. And then there
was such a pulling and hauling for offices along in
the outset, it seemed as though they would pull me
to pieces. If I gave an office to one, Mr. Ingham
or Mr. Branch would be mad, and if I gave it to an-
other Mr. Van Buren would n't like it, and if I gave
it to another, perhaps Mrs. Eaton would make a
plaguy fuss about it. One wanted me to do this
thing and another wanted me to do that; and it was
nothing but quarrel the whole time. At last Mr. Van
Buren said he'd resign, if I would turn the rest out.
So I made a scattering among 'em and turned 'em
all out in a heap. All but Mr. Lewis and Mr. Ken-
dall who staid to give me their friendly advice and
help me through my trying difficulties.
And then again to be so slandered as I have been
in the papers, it is enough to wear the patience
of Job out. And if I got a little angry at the con-
trariness of the Senate, they must needs call me a
' roaring lion,' the rascals. But that Senate did use
me shamefully. The very best nominations I made,
they always rejected. To think the stupid heads
should reject Mr. Van Buren, decidedly the greatest
man in the country, it was too provoking. Yes, Mr.
Van Buren is the first man in this country, and jest
180 LETTERS OP
between you and me, Jack, he's the only man in it
that is well qualified to succeed me in the govern-
ment of this great nation of twenty-four republics.
And he must come in too, or the country wont be
worth a stiver, much longer. There's Clay, he
would make pretty work of it, if he should come in.
Why, Jack, he would gamble one half of the country
away in two years, and spend the other half in dig-
ging Canals and building rail-roads; and when the
funds in the Treasury failed he would go to the
United States Bank and get more.
Calhoun would break the Union to pieces in three
months if he was President. He's trying all he can
now to tear off something of a slice from it at the
south. And as for Wirt, he's a fiddling away with
the Anti-masons. Letting Anti-masonry alone, he's
a pretty good sort of a man; but he has n't energy
enough to steer our crazy ship of state in these
stormy times. I would sooner trust it in the hands
of Mrs. Eaton than him. There's no one fit for it
but Mr. Van Buren ; and if it was not for getting
him in I would n't have consented to stand for an-
other term.
But, my dear friend, by stopping to tell you some
of the conversation I and the President had along
the road, I have almost forgot to tell you any thing
about myself and the thousand things I met with on
my journey. But I can not write any more to-
day. I expect to start from here Monday on my way
to Portland. You may hear from me a few times
before I get there, as I shall stop along by the way
some to see how matters go in Pennsylvany and New
York.
If you have a chance, send my love to all my folks
up at Downingville, and tell 'em old Jack is alive
and hearty.
I remain your loving friend,
CAPT. JACK DOWNING.
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 181
LETTER XLVIII.
Imohich Capt. Downing runs an Express from Baity
more to Washington, and foots it through Pennsyl-
vany avenue to the President's house.
Washington City, Nov. 5, 1832.
To the editor of the Portland Courier, in the Mariners' Church
bmldrnTsdltory, eastern end, Fore Street, Portland, away
down elist, in the State of Maine.
My dear old Friend.— Here I am back again to
Washington, though I've been as far as Baltimore
on my way down east to see you and the rest of my
uncles and aunts and couzins. And what do you
think I posted back to Washington for? I can tell
vou When I got to Baltimore I met an express
com'ing on full chisel from Philadelphia, to carry the
news to Washington that Pennsylvania had gone all
hollow for Old Hickory's second election. The poor
fellow that was carrying it had got so out of breath,
that he declared he couldn't go no further if the
President never heard of it. , , ^
Well thinks I, it will be worth a journey back to
Washino-ton, jest to see the old gineral's eyes strike
fire when he hears of it. So says I, I'll take it and
carry it on for you if you are a mmd to. He kind ot
hesitated at first, and was afraid I might play a trick
upon him; but when he found out my name was Jack
Downincr, he jumped off his horse quick enough; 1 11
trust it with you, says he, as quick as I would with
the President himself. So I jumped on and whipped
up And sure enough, as true as you are alive, 1 did
get to W^ashington before dark, though I had but three
hours to go it in, and its nearly forty miles. It was
the smartest horse that ever I backed, except one
that belongs to the President. But, poor fellow, he s
so done tu I guess he'll never run another express.
Jest before I got to Washington, say about two miles
16
182 LETTERS OP
from the city, the poor fellow keeled up and could n't
go another step. I had lost my hat on the way and
was too much in a hurry to pick it up, and he had
thrown me off twice and torn my coat pretty bad, so
that I did n't look very trig to go through the city or
go to the President's fine house. But notwithstand-
ing, I knew the President would overlook it, consid-
erin the business I was coming upon; so I catched
the express and pulled foot, right through Pennsyl-
vany Avenue, without any hat, and torn coat sleeves
and coat tail flying. The stage offered to carry me,
but I thought I wouldn't stop for it.
Almost the first person I met was Mr. Duff Green.
Says he, Capt. Downing, what's the matter? I held
up the express and shook it at him, but never an-
swered him a word, and pulled on. He turned and
walked as fast as he could without running, and fol-
lowed me. Pretty soon I met Mr. Gales of the In-
telligencer, and says he, for mercy sake, Captain
Downing, what's the matter? Have you been chased
by a wolf, or Governor Houston, or have you got
news from Pennsylvania? I did n't turn to the right
nor left, but shook the express at him and run like
wild-fire.
When I came up to the President's house, the old
gentleman was standing in the door, He stepped
quicker than I ever see him before, and met me at
the gate. Says he, my dear friend Downing, what's
the matter? Has the United States Bank been trying
to bribe you, and you are trying to run away from
'em? They may buy over Webster and Clay and such
trash, but I knew if they touched you they would get
the wrong pig by the ear. As he said this, Duff
Green hove in sight, pufhng and blowing, full speed.
Oh, said the President, Duff Green wants to have
a lick at you, does he? Well dont retreat another
step, Mr. Downing, I'll stand between you and harm.
Upon that he called his boy and told him to bring his
n cc
M O
CO C
r"
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 185
pistols in a moment. By this time I made out to get
breath enough jest to say Pennsylvany, and to shake
the express at him. The old man's color changed in
a minute. Says he, come in, Mr. Downing, come
in, set down, dont say a word to DufF. So in we
went, and shut the door. Now, says the President,
looking as though he would route a regiment in five
minutes, now speak and let me know whether I am a
dead man or alive.
Gineral, says I, its all over with 1 wont hear
a word of it, says he, stomping his foot. His eyes
flashed fire so that I trembled and almost fell back-
v/ards. But I see he did n't understand me. Dear
gineral, says I, its all over with Clay and the Bank —
at that he clapt his hands and jumpt up like a boy.
I never see the President jump before, as much as
I've been acquainted with him. In less than a min-
ute he looked entirely like another man. His eyes
were as calm and as bright as the moon jest coming
out from behind a black thunder cloud.
He clenched my hand and gave it such a shake, I
did n't know but he would pull it off. Says he. Jack,
I knew Pennsylvany never would desert me, and if she
has gone for me I'm safe. And now if I dont make
them are Bank chaps hug it, my name is n't Andrew
Jackson. And after all. Jack, I aint so glad on my
own account, that I'm re-elected, as I am for the
country and Mr. Van Buren. This election has all
been on Mr. Van Buren's account; and we shall get
him in now to be President after me. And you know,
Jack, that he's the only man after me, that's fit to
govern this country.
• The President has made me promise to stop and
spend the night with him, and help him rejoice over
the victory. But I have n't time to write any more
before the mail goes.
Your loving friend,
CAPT. JACK DOWNING.
16*
186 LETTERS OF
LETTER XLIX.
In which Capt. Downing receives aMajor^s commission,
and is appointed to march against the jYuUijiers.
Washington City, Dec. 8, 1832.
To the Editor of the Portland Courier, in the Mariners' Church
building, second story, eastern end. Fore Street, Portland,
away down east, in the State of Maine.
My dear old Friexd. — I believe the last time I
wrote to you, was when I come back with the express
from Baltimore, and Duff Green chased me so through
the street to find out what I was bringing, and the
President thought he was running to get a lick at
me, and called for his pistols to stand between me
and harm, you know. Well, I intended to turn right
about again after I had made the old gentleman's
heart jump up by telling him that he had got Penn-
sylvany and would be elected as sure as eggs was
bacon, and make the best of my way towards Port-
land. For you cant think how I long to see you and
uncle Joshua and ant Kesiah and cousin Ephraim
and cousin Nabby and all the res't of the dear souls
up in Downingville. It seems as though it was six
years instead of six months since I left that part of the
country, and when I shall be able to get back again
is more than I can tell now; for I find when a man
once gets into public life he never can say his time is
his own; he must always stand ready to go where his
country calls. The long and the short of it is, the
President has got so many other fish for me to fry,
it's no use for me to think of going home yet. That
evening after I got back with the express, the Presi-
dent said we must honor this victory in Pennsylvany
with a glass of wine. I am sure, said he, Capt.
Downing, you will have no objection to take a glass
with me on this joyful occasion. I told him as for
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 187
that matter, I supposed I could take a glass of wine
upon a pinch, even if the occasion was not half so
joyful. So he had two or three bottles full brought
in, and filled up the glasses. And now, says the
President, I will give you a toast. The state of Penn-
sylvania, the most patriotic State in the Union; for
though I go against all her great public interests, still
she votes for me by an overwhelming majority.
He then called for my toast. And what could I
give but my dear native Downingville; the most gen-
uine unwavering democratic republican town in New
England.
Good, said the President; and that Downingville
has never been rewarded yet. You shall have a Post
Office established there, and name to me which of
your friends you would like should be Post Master,
and he shall be appointed.
The President than gave his second toast; Martin
Van Buren, the next President of the United States,
and the only man in the country that is fit for it. Capt.
Downing, your toast if you please. So I gave Uncle
Joshua Downing, the most thorough going republican
in Downingville.
Good, said the President, I understand you, Cap-
tain Downing; your Uncle Joshua shall have the
Post Office.
His third toast was the editor of the Washington
Globe; and mine was the editor of the Portland Cou-
rier. But I told him he mustn't ask me for any more
toasts, for that was as fur as I could go.
The President toasted several more of his friends,
sich as Major Eaton, and Mr. Kendall, and Mr.
Lewis, and the Hon. Isaac Hill, and so on, till it got
to be pretty late in the evening, and I told the Pres-
ident I would be glad if he would excuse me, for I
wanted to start early in the morning on my way down
east, and I thought I should feel better if I could get
a little nap first. And besides I had got to go and get
188 LETTERS OF
the old lady that used to do my washing and mending,
to patch up my coat that got such a terrible ship-
wreck by being thrown off the horse with the express.
Start down east to-morrow morning, Capt. Down-
ing, said he, you must not think of it. I have an im-
portant and delicate job on hand which I cant get
along with very well without your assistance. There's
that miserable ambitious Calhoun has been trying this
dozen years to be President of the United States;
but he can't make out, so now he is determined to lop
off a few of the southern States and make himself
President of them. But if he don't find himself mis-
taken my name is n't Andrew Jackson. As he said
this he started up on his feet, and begun to march
across the floor with a very soldier-like step, and his
eyes fairly flashed fire. No, said he, Capt. Downing,
he must wait till somebody else is President besides
me before he can do that. Let him move an inch by
force in this business, if he dares. I'll chase him as
far beyond Tennessee as it is from here there, but
what I'll catch him and string him up by the neck to
the first tree I can find.
I must send some troops out there to South Caro-
lina to reconnoitre and keep matters strait, and your
gallant defence of Madawaska last winter points you
out as the most suitable man to take the command. —
I shall give you a Major's commission to-morrow, and
wish you to enlist two or three companies of brave
volunteers and hold yourself in readiness to obey or-
ders. In case we should have to come to a real brush,
said the President, I shall take command myself, and
make you Lieutenant General. But I wish you to
bear in mind, let what will come, never to shoot that
Calhoun. Shooting is too good for him. He must
dance upon nothing with a rope round his neck.
As for your coat, Capt. Downing, dont trouble the
old lady with it. It looks as though it had seen ser-
vice enough already. I'll give you one of mine to
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 189
wear till you have time to get a suit of regimentals
made. I told him I felt a little uneasy about taking
the command among strangers, unless I could have
my Dovvningville company with me. Send for them,
said the President, by all means, send for them.
There are no troops equal to them except it is some
of the boys from Tennessee. So I shall forthwith
send orders to Sargeant Joel to march 'em on here.
As I am to have my commission to-morrow, I shall
venture to subscribe myself your friend,
MAJOR JACK DOWNING.
LETTER L.
In which uncle Joshua tells what a tussle they had in
Downingville to keep the Federalists from praising the
President's Proclamation against the JSulliJiers.
Downingville, State of Mame, Dec. 27, 1832.
To Major Jack Downing, at Washington City, or if he is gone
to South Carolina I want President Jackson to send this along
tu him.
My dear Neffu,— We had almost gin you up for
dead, you had been gone so long, before we got your
letter in the Portland Courier telling how you had
been away to Tennessee along with President Jackson.
Your poor mother had pined away so that she had
nothing left, seemingly, but skin and bones, and your
cousin Nabby had cried her eyes half out of her
head, poor girl. But when the Portland Courier
came bringing that are letter of yourn, Downingville
was in a complete uproar all day. Sargent Joel had
come home from Madawaska and dismissed your
company, and gone to work in the woods chopping
190 LETTERS OF
wood. But as soon as he heard your letter had come,
he dropped his ax, and I dont think he 's touched it
since; and he put on his regimentals and scoured up
the old piece of a scythe that he used to have for a
sword, and stuck it into his waistband, and strutted
about as big as a major gineral. Your mother begun
to pick up her crums immediately, and has been
growing fat ever since. And Nabby run about from
house to house like a crazy bed-bug, telling 'em Jack
was alive and was agoing to build up Downingville
and make something of it yet.
We got your last letter and the President's Proc-
lamation both together, though I see your letter was
written two days first. That Proclamation is a cap-
ital thing. You know I 've made politics my study
for forty years, and I must say it 's the most ginuine
republican thing I ever come acrost. But what was
most provoking about it, was, all the old federalists
in town undertook to praise it tu. Squire Dudley, you
know, was always a federahst, and an Adams man
tu. I met him the next day after the Proclamation
come, and he was chock full of the matter. Says he,
Mr. Downing, that Proclamation is jest the thing.
It 's the true constitutional doctrine. We all support
the President in this business through thick and thin.
My dander began to rise, and I could not hold in
any longer. Says I, squire Dudley, shut up your
clack, or I '11 knock your clam-shells together pretty
quick. It 's got to be a pretty time of day indeed,
if after we 've worked so hard to get President Jack-
son in, you Federalists are going to undertake to
praise his proclamation as much as though he was
your own President. You 've a right to grumble
and fine fault with it as much as you like; but dont
let me hear you say another word in favor of it, if
you do I '11 make daylight shine through you. The
old man hauled in his horns and meeched off looking
shamed enough.
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 191
The next day we concluded to have a public meet-
ino- to pass resolutions in favor of the Proclamation.
I was appointed chairman. The federal party all
come flocking round and wanted to come in and help
praise the President. We told 'em no; it was our
President, and our Proclamation, and they must keep
their distance. So we shut the doors and went on
with our resolutions. By and by the federal party
begun to hurra for Jackson outside the house. At
that I told Sargent Joel and your cousin Ephraim
and two or three more of the young democrats to go
out and clear the coast of them are fellers. And
they went out and Sargent Joel drew his piece of a
scythe and went at 'em and the federalists run like a
flock of sheep with a dog after 'em. So we finished
our resolutions without getting a drop of federalism
mixed with 'em, and sent 'em on to the President by
Sargent Joel. ' He got his company together last
week and they filled their knapsacks with bread and
sasages and doe-nuts, and started for Washington
according to your orders.
I was glad to see that hint in your letter about a
post office here. W"e need one very much. And if
the President should think I ought to have it, being
I 've always been such a good friend to him, why
you know, Jack, I 'm always ready to serve my
country.
So I remain your loving Uncle,
JOSHUA DOWNING.
P. S. If the President should n't say any thing
more about the post office, I think you had better
name it to him again before you go to South Carolina;
for if any thing should happen to you there, he might
never do any more about it.
192 LETTERS OF
LETTER LI.
In which Major Downing describes the arrival of Sar-
gent Joel with the Company at Washington.
Washington City, Jan. 4, ]833.
To my dear Cousin Ephraim Downing, what watches the Leg-
islater at Augusta, away down east, in the State of Maine,
while I stay here and look arter Congress and the President.
Dear Cousin, — Sargent Joel got here day before
yesterday with my hearty old company of Downing-
ville boys, that went down to Madawaska with me
last winter. They cut rather a curious figure march-
ing through Pensilvany Avenu. One half of 'em had
worn their shoes out so that their toes stuck out hke
the heads of so many young turtles, and t'other half
had holes through their knees or elbows, and Sargent
Joel marched ahead of 'em swinging his piece of an
old scythe for a sword, and inquiring of every one he
met for Major Jack Downing. They all told him to
keep along till he got to the President's house, which
was the biggest house in the city except the Congress
house, and there he would find me. I and the Presi-
dent were setting by the window in the great east
room, looking out and talking about Mr. Calhoun
and so on, when the President begun to stare as
though he saw a catamount.
He started up on his feet, and says he, Major
Downing, if my eyes dont deceive me there 's Nulli-
fication now coming up Pensilvany Avenu. He be-
gun to call for his pistols, and to tell his men to fasten
up the doors, when I looked out, and I knew Joel's
strut in a minute. Says I, dear Ginneral, that's no
nullification, but its what '11 put a stopper on nullifi-
cation pretty quick if it once gets to South Carolina.
It 's my Downingville Company commanded by Sar-
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 193
trent Joel. At that the President looked more pleased
Than I 've seen him before since he got the news of
the vote of Pensilvany. He ordered 'em into the
east room and gave 'em as much as they could eat
and drink of the best the house affords. He has
found quarters for 'em in the neighborhood, and says
we must be ready to march for South Carolina when-
ever he says the word.
But I '11 tell you what 't is, cousm Ephraim, 1
begin to grow a little kind of wamble-cropt about
going to South Carolina, arter all. If they 've got
many such fellers there as one Ginneral Blair there
is here from that State, I 'd sooner take my chance
in the woods forty miles above Downingville, fightmg
bears and wolves and catamounts, than come within
gun-shot of one of these Carolina giants. He 's a
whaler of a feller, as big as any two men in Down-
ingville. They say he weighs over three hundred
pounds. About a week ago he met Ginneral DufF
Green in the street and he fell afoul of him with a
great club and knocked him down, and broke his arm
and beat him almost to death, jest because he got
mad at something Mr. Green said in his paper. And
what makes me feel more skittish about getting into
the hands of such chaps, is, because he says he could
n't help it. He says all his friends persuaded him
not to meddle with Ginneral Green, and he tried as
hard as he could to let him alone, but he ' found him-
self unequal to the effort.' So Green like to got
killed.
The folks here sot out to carry him to court about
it, but he said he would n't go, and so he armed him-
self with four pistols and two dirks and a great knife,
and said he 'd shoot the first man that touched him.
Last night he went to the Theatre with all his arms
and coutrements about him. And after he sot there
a spell, and all the folks were looking to see the play
20 on, he draws out one of his pistols and fires it at
^ 17
194 LETTERS OF
the players. Then there was a dreadful uproar.
They told him he must clear out about the quickest.
But he said if they 'd let him alone he 'd behave like
a gentleman. So they went on with the play again.
By and by he draws out another pistol and points
it towards the players. At that there was a whole
parcel of 'em seized him and dragged him out into
another room, big as he was. But pretty soon he
got upon his feet, and begun to rave like a mad ox.
He pulled off his coat and threw it down, and declar-
ed he 'd fight the whole boodle of 'em. The consta-
bles were all so frightened they cut and run, and
nobody dared to go a near him, till he got cooled
down a little, when some of his friends coaxed him
away to a tavern. Now as for going to South Caro-
lina to fight such chaps as these, I 'd sooner let nul-
lification go to grass and eat mullen.
Sargent Joel told me when he left Downingville
you had jest got loaded up with apples and one thing
another to go down to Augusta to peddle 'em out;
and that you was a going to stay there while the
Legislator folks were there. So I thought it would
be a good plan for you and I to write to one another
about once a week or so, how matters get along.
Give my love to the folks up in Downingville
whenever you see 'em.
So I remain your loving Cousin,
MAJOR JACK DOWNING.
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 19^
LETTER LII.
In which Major Doioning gives his opinion about Nulli-
fication, and illustrates it with a lucid example.
Washington City, Jail. 17, 1833.
To the editor of the Portland Courier, in the Mariners' Church
BuUd'nrse^ story, eastern end, Fore street, away down
east in the State of Maine.
My KIND and dear old Friend,— The President's
Message to Congress makes cracking work here.
Mr Calhoun shows his teeth Uke a hon Mr. IVic-
Duffie is cool as a cowcumber, though they say he s
got aterible tempest inside of him, that he 11 let out
before long. For my part I think the President s
Message is about right. I was setting with the fre-
sident in the east room last night, chatting about one
thing and another, and the President says he. Major
Downing, have you read my message that I sent to
Con-ress to day. I told him I had n't. Well, says
he, 1 should like to have you read it and give me
your opinion upon it. So he handed it to me and 1
sot down and read it through.
And when I got through, now says 1 Crineral 1 11
tell you jest what I think of this ere business. When
I was a youngster some of us DowningviUe boys used
to go down to Sebago Pond every sprmg and hire
out a month or two rafting logs across the Pond
And one time I and cousin Ephraim, and Joel, and
Bill Johnson, and two or three more of us had each
a whapping great log to carry across the Pond. It
was rather a windy day and the waves kept the logs
bobbing up and down pretty considerable bad, so^we
agreed to bring 'em along side and side and lash 'em
together and drive some thole-pins in the outermost
logs and row 'em over together. We went along
two or three miles pretty well. But by and by Bill
196
LETTERS OF
Johnson begun to complain. He was always an un-
easy harumscarum sort of a chap. Alv/ays thought
every body else had an easier time than he had, and
when he was a boy, always used to be complaining
that the other boys had more butter on their bread
than he had. Well, Bill was rowing on the leward
side, and he begun to fret and said his side went the
hardest, and he would n't give us any peace till one
of us changed sides with him.
Well Bill had n't rowed but a little ways on the
windward side before he began to fret again, and
declared that side went harder than 'tother, and he
wouldn't touch to row on that side any longer. We
told him he had his choice, and he should n't keep
changing so. But he only freted the more and begun
to get mad. At last he declared if we did n't change
with him in five minutes, he'd cut the lashings and
take his log and paddle off alone. And before we
had hardly time to turn round, he declared the five
minutes were out, and up hatchet and cut the lashings,
and away went Bill on his own log, bobbing and
rolling about, and dancing like a monkey to try to
keep on the upper side. The rest of us scrabbled too
as well as we could, and fastened our logs together
again, though we had a tuff match for it, the wind
blew so hard. Bill had n't gone but a little ways
before his log begun to role more and more, and by
and by in he went splash, head and ears. He came
up puffing and blowing, and got hold of the log and
tried to climb up on to it, but the more he tried the
more the log rolled; and finding it would be gone
goose with him pretty soon if he staid there, he begun
to sing out like a loon for us to come and take him.
We asked him which side he would row if we would
take his log into the raft again. O, says Bill, I'll
row on either side or both sides if you want me to,
if you'll only come and help me before I sink.
But, said the President, I hope you did n't help
MAJOR JACK DOWNING.
197
the foolish rascal out till he got a pretty good soaking.
He got soaked enough before we got to him, says 1,
for he was jest ready to sink for the last time and
our lofTs come pesky near getting scattered, and it
they hlid, we should all gone to the bottom together.
And now Gineral, this is jest what I think: if you
let South Carolina cut the lashings you'll see such
a log-rolling in this country as you never see yet.
The old Gineral started up and marched across the
floor like a boy. Says he, Major Downing she
sha'nt cut the lashings while my name is Andrew
Jackson. Tell Sargent Joel to have his company
sleep on their arms every night. I told him they
should be ready at a moment's warning.
I wish you would jest give cousin l^phraim up to
Augusta a jog to know why he dont write to me and
let me know how the Legislator is getting along.
I remain your loving friend,
MAJOR JACK DOWNING.
LETTER LIII.
In which cousin Ephraim tells the Major how matters
get along at Augusta, and gives a specimen oj the
value of political promises.
Augusta, State of Maine, Jan. 30, 1833.
To the Editor of the Portland Courier, that we take up in
Downingville : dear sir, 1 want you to send this on o cousin
Jack to Washington City, 'cause he told me you would send it
and not charge any postage.
To Major Jack Downing.
Dear cousin Jack,— I got your letter some time
ago, but I had n't time to answer it afore now, be-
cause I had to go back up to Downingville to get an-
other load of apples. These Legislator folks cronch
17*
198 LETTERS OF
apples down by the wholesale between speeches,
and sometimes in the middle of speeches tu. That
arternoon that Mr. Clark spoke all day, I guess I
sold nigh upon a half a bushel for cash, and trust-
ed out most three pecks besides. The folks up to
Downingville are all pretty well, only your poor old
mother; she 's got the reumatics pretty bad this win-
ter. She says she wishes with all her heart Jack
would come home, and not think of going to South
Carolina. Ever since she heard about Ginneral Blair
she cant hardly sleep nights, she 's so afraid you '11
get shot. I tell her there 's no danger of you as long
as you have President Jackson one side of you and
Sargent Joel 'tother.
The Legislator is jogging along here pretty well;
I guess they '11 get through about the first of March,
if they dont have too many boundary questions come
along. We made some Major Ginnerals here 'tother
day, and I tried to get you elected. Not because I
thought you cared much about the office now, but
jest for the honor of Downingville. I tried most all
the members, and thought to be sure you would come
in as slick as greese. For about forty of 'em told
me they thought it belonged to you. They said it
was against their principles to pledge their votes to
any body ; but they whispered in my ear that they
would do what they could, and they had n't scarcely a
doubt but what you 'd be elected. Sixty-eight of 'em
told me you was the best man for it, and would un-
doubtedly be chosen as a mattter of course. And
twenty-five of 'em promised me right up and down
by the crook of the elbow, that they would vote for
you.
Well Jack, after all this, you did n't get but two
votes. By that time I begun to think it was n't so
strange that it took you two years hard fishing before
you could get an office.
This is the most democratic Legislater that they
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 199
have ever had in this state yet. They are most
all real ginuine democrats, and they have give Mr.
Holmes and Mr. Sprague a terrible basting for being
federalists, and they have turned Mr. Holmes out and
put Mr. Shepley in.
The Legislater is talking of moving the seat of gov-
ernment back to Portland again. They say it will be
better all round. They wont have to go so fur through
the snow-drifts to their boarding houses, and wont
have to pay much more than half so much for their
board. And here they have to pay four pence apiece
every time they are shaved ; but in Portland they can
get shaved by the half dozen for three cents apiece.
I hope they will go, for I can get more for my apples
in Portland than I can here.
P. S. Bill Johnson was married last week, and
he quarrelled with his wife the very next day. So
you see he is the same old sixpence he used to be.
He says he '11 send a petition to the Legislater to be
divorced, and he declares if they don't grant it, he '11
cut the lashings as he did once on the raft on Sebago
Pond, sink or swim.
N. B. Uncle Joshua wished me to ask you to ask
the President about that post office again, as his com-
mission has n't come yet.
I remain your loving Cousin,
EPHRAIM DOWNING.
200 LETTERS OP
LETTER LIV
In ichich Major Downing goes up top the Congress house
and listens to see if he can hear the guns in South Car-
olina, and also has a talk ivith the President, about
the slander of the newspapers.
[Note. The first of February, 1833, was the day appointed by
South Carolina for putting in force her nullifying Ordinance.]
Washington City, Feb. 1, 1833.
To the editor of the Portland Courier, in Mariners' Church Build-
ing, second story, eastern end, Fore Street away down east, in
the State of Maine.
My dear Friend. — This is nunification clay, and
it's most night, and I aint dead yet, and hant been
shot at once to-day. I got up this morning as soon
as it was light, and went out and looked away towards
South CaroHna, and Hstened as hard as I could to
see if I could hear the guns crackin and the cannons
roarin. But it was all still as a mouse. And I've
been up top the Congress house five or six times to-
day, and listened and listened, but all the firing I could
hear was inside the Congress house itself, where the
members were shooting their speeches at each other.
I had my company all ready this morning with their
dinners in their napsacks, to start as quick as we heard
a single gun. We shant go till we hear something
from these nullifiers, for the President says he aint
agoing to begin the scrape, but if the nullifiers begin
it, then the hardest must fend off.
Yesterday a friend handed me a couple of papers
printed at Hallowell away down pretty near to Augus-
ta in the State of Maine, called the American Advo-
cate, and I found something in 'em that made me as
mad as a March hair. The first one mentioned that
Capt. Dow was chosen Mayor of Portland, and then
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 201
said he is the reputed author of the Jack Downing let-
ters that have been pubUshed in the Portland Courier.
The other paper that was printed two or three days
afterwards, said Mr. Dow the new Mayor of Portland
is not the author of Jack Downing 's letters; they are
written by Mr. Seba Smith, the Editor of the Portland
Courier. Now, Mr. Editor, my good old friend, is
n't this too bad.^ I have n't come acrost any thing
that made me feel so wamble-cropt this good while.
Jest as if Major Jack Downing could n't write his own
letters.
I've been to school, put it altogether, off and on,
more than six months; and though I say it myself, I
always used to be called the best scholar among all
the boys in Downingville, and most always used to
stand at the head of my class. I'd been through Web-
ster's spelling book before I was fifteen, and before I
was twenty I could cypher to the rule of three. And
now to have it said that I dont write my own letters,
is too bad. It's what I call a rascally shame. I was
so boiling over with it last night, that I could 'nt hold
in; and so I took the papers and went in and showed
them to the President. I always go to the President
when I have any difficulty, and when he has any he
comes to me; so we help one another along as well
as we can. When the President had read it, says he,
Major Downing, it's strange to see how this world is
given to lying. The public papers are beginning to
slander you jest as they always do me. I have n't
written scarcely a public document since I've been
President, but what it's been laid off to Mr. Van
Buren, or Mr. McLane, or Mr. Livingston, or Mr.
Taney, or somebody or other. And how to help this
slanderous business I dont know. But it's too pro-
voking, Major, that's certain. Sometimes I've a good
mind to make Congress pass a law that every editor
who says I dont write my proclamations and messages,
or that you dont write your letters, shall forfeit his
202 LETTERS OF
press and types; and if that dont stop him, that he
shall be strung up by the neck without Judge or Jury.
And now, Mr. Editor, I wish you would jest give
that Hallowell man a hint to mind his own p's and
q's in future, and look out for his neck. And as you
know very well that I do write my own letters, I would
thank you jest to tell the public so.
I remain your sincere and loving friend,
MAJOR JACK DOWNING.
LETTER LV.
In which Cousin Ephraim explains the science of Land-
Speculation.
Augusta, State of Maine, March 4, 1833.
To Major Jack Downing, at President Jacksoii's house in
Washington City.
Dear Cousin Jack, — The Legislater folks have
all cleared out to-day one arter t'other jest like a flock
of sheep; and some of 'em have left me in the lurch
ti^^for they cleared out without paying me for my
apples. Some of 'em went off in my debt as much
as twenty cents, and some ninepence, and a shilling,
and so on. They all kept telling me when they got
paid off, they'd settle up with me. And so I waited
with patience till they adjourned, and thought I was
as sure of my money as though it was in the Bank.
But, my patience, when they did adjourn, such a
hubbub I guess you never see. They were flying
about from one room to another, like so many pigeons
shot in the head. They run into Mr. Harris' room
and clawed the money off of his table, hand over fist.
I brustled up to some of 'cm, and tried to settle. I
come to one man that owed me twelve cents, and he
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 203
had a ninepence in change, but he wouldn't let me
have that, because he should lose a half cent. So,
while we were bothering about it, trying to get it
changed, the first I knew the rest of 'em had got their
money in their pockets and were off like a shot, some
of 'em in stages, and some in sleighs, and some footing
it. I out and followed after 'em, but 'twas no use; 1
couldn't catch one of 'em. And as for my money, and
apples tu, I guess I shall have to whistle for 'em now.
Its pesky hard, for I owe four and sixpence here yet
for my board, and I've paid away every cent I've got
for my apples, and dont know but I shall have to come
down with another load to clear out my expenses.
Howsomever, you know uncle Joshua always told us
never to cry for spilt milk, so I mean to hold my head
up yet.
I dont know but I shall have to give up retailing
apples, I meet with so many head-flaws about it. I
was thinking that, soon as the Legislator adjourned,
I'd take a load of apples and apple-sass, and a few
sassages, and come on to Washington, and go long
with your company to South Carolina. But they say
Mr. Clay has put a stopper on that nullification busi-
ness, so that its ten chances to one you wont have to
go.
I dont care so much about the apple business after
all; for I've found out a way to get rich forty times
as fast as I can by retailing apples, or as you can by
hunting after an office. And I advise you to come
right home, as quick as you can come. Here's a
business going on here that you can get rich by, ten
times as quick as you can in any office, even if you
should get to be President. The President dont have
but twenty-five thousand dollars a year; but in this
ere business that's going on here, a man can make
twenty-five thousand dollars in a week if he's a mind
to, and not work hard neither.
I spose by this time you begin to feel rather in a
204 LETTERS OP
pucker to know what this business is. I'll tell you:
but you must keep it to yourself, for if all them are
Washington folks and Congress folks should come on
here and go to dipping into it, I'm afraid they'd cut
us all out. But between you and me, its only jest
buying and selling land. Why, Jack, its forty times
more profitable than money digging, or any other bu-
siness that you ever see. I knew a man here t'other
day from Bangor, that made ten thousand dollars, and
I guess he want more than an hour about it. Most
all the folks here and down to Portland and Bangor
have got their fortunes made, and now we are begin-
ning to take hold of it up in the country.
They've got a slice up in Downingville, and I mis-
sed it by being down here selling apples, or I should
had a finger in the pie. Uncle Joshua Downing, you
know he's an old fox, and always knows where to
jump; well, he see how every body was getting rich,
so he went and bought a piece of a township up back
of Downingville, and give his note for a thousand
dollars for it. And then he sold it to uncle Jacob and
took his note for two thousand dollars; and uncle Ja-
cob sold it to uncle Zackary and took his note for
three thousand dollars; and uncle Zackary sold it to
uncle Jim, and took his note for four thousand dollars;
and uncle Jim sold it to cousin Sam, and took his note
for five thousand dollars; and cousin Sam sold it to
Bill Johnson, and took his note for six thousand dol-
lars. So you see there's five of 'em that want worth
ninepence apiece before, have now got a thousand
dollars apiece clear, when their notes are paid. And
Bill Johnson's going to logging off of it, and they say
he'll make more than any of 'em.
Come home. Jack, come home by all means, if you
want to get rich. Give up your commission, and
think no more about being President, or any thing
else, but come home and buy land before its all gone.
Your loving cousin,
EPHRAIM DOWNING.
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 205
P. S. Didn't Mr. Holmes and Mr. Sprague look
rather blue when they got the resolutions that our
Legislater passed, giving them such a mortal whip-
ping?
LETTER LVI.
In which Major Downing tells how Mr. Clay put a stop
to that fuss in South Carolina, besides hushing up
■^ome other quarrels.
Washington City, March 10, 1833.
To the editor of the Portland Courier, in the Mariners' Church
building, 2nd story, eastern end, Fore street, away down east,
in the State of Maine, to be sent to Cousin Ephraim Downing,
up in Downingville, cause I spose he 's gone home before this
time from A ugusta.
Dear Cousin Ephraim, — I got your letter this
morning. It was a shame for them are Legislater
folks to skulk off without paying you for your apples.
But they are the worst folks about standing to their
word that I know of They've promised me an office
more than twenty times, but some how or other, come
to the case in hand, their votes always went for some-
body else. But I dont care a fig for 'em as long
as I've got the President on my side, for his offices
are as fat again as the Legislater offices are. The
President's offices will support a man pretty well
if he does n't do any thing at all. As soon as Mr.
Clay's Tariff Bill passed, the President called me
into his room, and says he. Major Downing, the nul-
lification jig is up. There'll be no fun for you in
South CaroUna now, and I guess you may as well let
Sargent Joel march the company back to Downing-
ville, and wait till somebody kicks up another bobbery
somewhere and then I'll send for 'em, for they are
18
206 LETTERS OF
the likeliest company I've seen since I went with my
Tennesse rangers to New Orleans. And as for you
Major Downing, you shall still hold your commission
and be under half pay, holding yourself in readiness
to march at a moment's warning and to fight when-
ever called for.
So you see. Cousin Ephraim, I am pretty well to
live in the world, without any of your land specula-
tions or apple selling down east. I cant seem to
see how 'tis they all make money so fast in that land
business down there that you tell about. How could
all our folks and Bill Johnson and all of 'em there in
Downingville make a thousand dollars apiece, jest a
trading round among themselves, when there aint fifty
dollars in money, put it all together, in the whole
town. It rather puzzles me a little. As soon as I
see 'em all get their thousand dollars cash in hand,
I guess I'll give up my commission and come home
and buy some land tu.
But at present I think I rather have a bird in the
hand than one in the bush. Our Congress folks here
cleared out about the same time that your Legislator
folks did, and I and the President have been rather
lonesome a few days. The old gentleman says I
must n't leave him on any account; but I guess I
shall start Joel and the company off for Downingville
in a day or two. They've got their clothes pretty
much mended up, and they look quite tidy. I should
'nt feel ashamed to see 'em marched through any city
in the United States.
It is n't likely I shall have any thing to do under
my commission very soon. For some say there '11 be
no more fighting in the country while INIr. Clay lives,
if it should be a thousand years. He's got a master
knack of pacifying folks and hushing up quarrels as
you ever see. He's stopt all that fuss in South
Carolina, that you know was jest ready to blow the
whole country sky high. He slept up to 'em in Con-
MAJOR JACK DOWNING, 207
gress and told 'em what sort of a Bill to pass, and
they passed it without hardly any jaw about it. And
South Carolina has hauled in her horns, and they
say she'll be as calm as a clock now. And that is
n't the only quarrel Mr. Clay has stopt. Two of the
Senators, Mr. Webster and Mr. Poindexter, got as
mad as March hairs at each other. They called
each other some pesky hard names, and looked cross
enough for a week to bite a board nail off. Well,
after Mr. Clay got through with South Carolina, he
took them in hand. He jest talked to 'em about five
minutes, and they got up and went and shook hands
with each other, and looked as loving astv^^o brothers.
Then Mr. Holmes got up and went to Mr. Clay,
and almost with tears in his eyes asked him if he
would n't be so kind as to settle a little difficulty there
was between him and his constituents, so they might
elect him to come to Congress again. And I believe
some of the other Senators asked for the same favor.
So as there is likely to be peace now all round the
house for some time to come, I'm in a kind of a quan-
dary what course to steer this summer. The Presi-
dent talks of taking a journey down east this summer,
and he wants me to go with him, because I'm ac-
quainted there, and can show him all about it. He
has a great desire to go as fur as Downingville, and
get acquainted with Uncle Joshua, who has always
stuck by him in all weathers through thick and thin.
The President thinks uncle Joshua is one of the re-
publican pillars of New England, and says he shall
always have the post office as long as he lives, and
his children after him.
I rather guess on the whole I shall come on that
way this summer with the President. But wherever
I go, I shall remain your loving cousin,
MAJOR JACK DOWNING.
52U» LETTERS OP
LETTER LVII.
In which Major Downing gives the result of a consulta-
tion amongst the government on the question^ whether
the President should shake hands with the Federalists
during his journey down East.
Washington City, April 20, 1833.
To the Editor of the Portland Courier, in the Mariners' Church
building, second story eastern end, Fore Street, away down
East in the State of Maine.
My Dear Old Friend, — Bein I hant writ to you
for some time, I'm afraid you and our folks up in
Downingville will begin to feel a little uneasy by and
by, so I '11 jest write you a little if it aint but two
lines, to let you know how we get on here. I and
the President seem to enjoy ourselves pretty well
together, though its getting to be a little lonesome
since the Congress folks went off, and Sargeant
Joel cleared out with my Downingville Company.
Poor souls, T wonder if they have got home yet; I
have n't heard a word from 'em since they left here.
I wish you would send up word to Sargeant Joel to
write to me and let me know how they got along.
He can send his letter in your Currier, or get uncle
Joshua to frank it; either way it wont cost me any
thing. Now I think of it, I wish you would jest ask
cousin Nabby to ask uncle Joshua to frank me on
two or three pair of stockings, for mine have got ter-
ribly out at the heels. He can do it jest as well as
not; they make nothing here of franking a bushel
basket full of great books to the western States.
And they say some of the members of Congress used
to frank their clothes home by mail to be washed.
I and the President are getting ready to come on
that way this summer. We shall come as far as
Portland, and I expect we shall go up to Downing-
ville; for the President says he must shake hands with
uncle Joshua before he comes back, that faithful old
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 209
when we come that way. J.ii«y ^<^y .
„ Massachusetts want to keep the P^-f^*/!^^^
hPtnselves when he comes there. But Mr. v an
Bu en says That '11 never do; he must stick to the
±5uren ^^.y^ ""; , ^ake hands with a fed-
■^'Tronce infwMe Tthe democrats dont see him
ston advise him tother way. They ^eH n^^ ii
hXr treat the federalists pretty civil, and shake
S w.lh Mr. Webster as quick as he wouH w^^
America He's got the beat'em-est tongue that ever
iTee if you had a black hat on, he could go to
LlMng to /ou and in ten minutes he could make you
*'aive mrC'et our folks up in Downingvi.le wh^n
you have a chance to send it to 'em, and believe me
your old friend, ^^^^ ^^^^ DOWNING.
210 LETTERS OP
LETTER LVIII.
In which Major Downing defends the President from
the assault of Lieut. Randoljoh on board the Steam-
boat Cygnet.
On board tlie Steam-boat Cj^gnet, near tlie city of Alexan-
dria, down a little ways below Washington, May the Gth,
1833.
To tlie Editor of the Portland Courier in the Mariners' Church
Building, '^d story, Eastern end, Fore-street, away down East,
in the State of Maine.
My dear OLf) Friexd. — We've had a kind of a
hurly burly time here to-day. I did n't know but we
should burst the biler one spell; and some of us, as
it was, got scalding hot. You see, I and the Presi-
dent and a few more gentlemen got into the steam-
boat this morning to go round into old Virginny to
help lay the foundation of a monument, so they should
n't forget who Washington's mother was.
W^hen we got down along to Alexandria, the boat
hauled up to the side of the wharf awhile to let some
more folks get in, and while she lay there, I and the
President and a few more of 'em sot in the cabin
reading and chatting with one another. The Presi-
dent had jest got through reading a letter from uncle
Joshua Downing, urging him very strongly to come
up as fur as Downingville when he conies on that
way. And says he. Major Downing, this uncle
Joshua of yours is a real true blue republican as I
know of any where. I would n't miss seeing him
when I go down east for a whole year's salary.
Says I, your honor, Downingville is the most
thorough going republican town there is any where
in the eastern country; and you ought not to come
back till you have visited it. Jest as I said that
there was a stranger came into the cabin and stept
along up to the President, and begun to pull off his
MAJOR JACK DOWxNiNG. 211
Move I thought there was some mischief bruing,
hLohrL was tryin" to get his gloves off to shake
&w.th M^,! Ld the^ood old -„ 's ahvays ,
i-padvto shake hands with a fnend; so he leached
out L hand to him and smiled, and told l„m never
to stand for the gloves, and the words want hardly
out of his mouth^when dab went one of the fellow's
hands slan into the President's face.
?„ a moment I levelled my umbrella at the villain s
head and came pesky near fetchmg him to the tioo,.
Tvvo more gentlemen then clenched him by the collar
and had him down as quick as ever you see a beef
:" knocked down with an ax. In a minute there was
a crowd round him as thick as a swarm of bees.
BuT, my stars, I wish you could have seen the
President jest at that minute. If you ever see a lion
Wing down asleep and a man come along with a great
club%nd hit him a polt with all his might, and then
see that lion spring on his feet, and see the fire flah
in his eyes, and hear him roar and gnash his eeth
you might give some sort of a guess what kind of a
harrvcane we had of it. „„ ,
¥he old Gineral no sooner felt the fellow's paw m
his face than he sprung like a steel-trap, and catched
his cane and went at him. But there was such a
crowd of men there in an instant, that it was as much
impossible to get through 'em as it was for t 'e Butish
to get through his pile of cotton wool bags at New-
Oifeans If it had n't been for that, I dont think but
he would have kicked the feller through the side of
the steam-boat in two minutes. , , i, i„j
However, somehow or other the rascal go hussled
out of the boat on to the wharf and fled I'ke a dog
that had been stealing sheep. They have sent some
officers after him, but where they will overtake him
nobody knows.
212 LETTERS OF
The President has got cleverly cooled down again,
and we are going on to lay the foundation of the
monument.
My love to all the good folks up in Downingville.
In haste your old friend,
MAJOR JACK DOWNING.
LETTER LIX.
In which Major Downing shakes hands for the Presi-
dent at Philadelphia, while on the grand tour down
East.
To Uncle Joshua Downing, Post Master, up in Downingville,
in the State of Maine. This to be sent by my old friend, the
Editor of the Portland Courier, with care and speed.
Philadelphia, June 10, 1833.
Dear Uncle Joshua, — We are coming on full
chisel. I've been trying, ever since we started, to
get a chance to write a little to you; but when we've
been on the road I couldn't catch my breath hardly
long enough to write my name, we kept flying so fast;
and when we made any stop, there was such a jam
round us there wasn't elbow room enough for a mis-
keeter to turn round without knocking his wings off.
I'm most afraid now we shall get to Downingville
before this letter does, so that we shall be likely to
catch you all in the suds before you think of it. But
I understand there is a fast mail goes on that way,
and I mean to send it by that, so I'm in hopes you'll
get it time enough to have the children's faces wash-
ed and their heads combed, and the gals get on their
clean gowns. And if Sargent Joel could have time
enough to call out my old Downingville Company and
get their uniform brushed up a little, and come down
the road as fur as your new barn to meet us, there's
nothing that would please the President better. As
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 213
for victuals, most anything wont come amiss; we are
as hungry as bears after travelling a hundred miles a
day. A little fried pork and eggs, or a pot of baked
beans and an Indian pudding would suit us much bet-
ter than the soft stuff they give us here in these great
cities.
The President wouldn't miss of seeing you for any
thing in the world, and he will go to Downingville if
he has legs and arms enough left when he goes to
Portland to carry him there. But for fear any thing
should happen that he shouldn't be able to come, you
had better meet us in Portland, say about the 2!2d,
and then you can go up to Downingville with us, you
know.
This travelling with the President is capital fun
after all, if it wasn't so plaguy tiresome. We come
into Baltimore on a Rail Road, and we flew over the
ground like a harrycane. There isn't a horse in this
country that could keep up with us, if he should go
upon the clean clip. When we got to Baltimore, the
streets were filled with folks as thick as the spruce
trees down in your swamp. There we found Black
Hawk, a little, old, dried up Indian king. — And I
thought the folks looked at him and the prophet about
as much as they did at me and the President. I gave
the President a wink that this Indian fellow was
taking the shine off of us a little, so we concluded
we wouldn't have him in our company any more, and
shall go on without him.
I cant stop to tell you in this letter how we got
along to Philadelphy, though we had a pretty easy
time some of the way in the steam-boats. And I cant
stop to tell you of half of the fine things I have seen
here. They took us up into a great hall this morn-
ing as big as a meeting-house, and then the folks
begun to pour in by thousands to shake hands with
the President; federalists and all, it made no differ-
ence. There was such a stream of 'em coming in
214 LETTERS OP
that the hall was full in a {e\v minutes, and it was so
jammed up round the door that they couldn't get out
aor^in if they were to die. So they had to knock out
some of the windows and go out t'other way.
The President shook hands with all his might an
hour or two, till he got so tired he couldn't hardly
stand it. I took hold and shook for him once in
awhile to help him along, but at last he got so tired
he had to lay down on a soft bench covered with
cloth and shake as well as he could, and when he
couldn't shake he'd nod to 'em as they come along.
And at last he got so beat out, he couldn't only
wrinkle his forward and wink. Then I kind of stood
behind him and reached my arm round under his,
and shook for him for about a half an hour as tight
as I could spring. Then we concluded it was best
to adjourn for to-day.
And I've made out to get away up into the garret
in the tavern long enough to write this letter. We
shall be off to-morrow or next day for York, and if I
can possibly get breathing time enough there, I shall
write to you again.
Give my love to all the folks in Downingville, and
believe me your loving neffu,
MAJOR JACK DOWNING.
LETTER LX.
Jn which the President and Major Doicning have a
very narrow escape at the breaking down of the
bridge in JVeiu York.
To unele Joshua Downing, Post Master up in Downingville,
State of Maine, to be sent in the Portland Courier with care
and speed.
New York City, Friday evening, Jime 14, 1833.
Dear Uncle Joshua, — Here we are amongst an
ocean of folks, and cutting up capers as high as a
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. ^17
cat's back. I spose you will see by the papers how
we all like to got drowned yesterday going across a
little bridge between the castle and the garden.
It was a pesky narrow squeak for me and the Pres-
ident. He was riding over on a great fine boss, and
I was walking along by the side of him and trying to
clear the way a little, for they crowded upon us so,
there was no getting along, and hardly a chance to
breathe. When we got under the arch we stopped a
little bit for the crowd to clear away, when all at once
I thought I heard something crack. Says I, Gineral,
you better go ahead, I'm afraid there's mischief bru-
ing here. At that he gave his boss a lick and pushed
through the crowd, but we had n't got more than a
rod, before crash went the bridge behind us, all down
in a heap, and two toll-houses on top of it and as
many as a hundred folks splashed into the water, all
mixed up together one top of 'tother. The President
looked over his shoulder, and seeing I was safe be-
hind him, called out for Mr. Van Buren, and asked
me to run and see if he was hurt. I told him he had
forgot himself, for Mr. Van Buren was n't in the
company; but Mr. Woodbury and Mr. Cass were in
for it, for I could see them floundering about in the
water now. Run, Major, said the President, run
and give them a lift. Take Mr. Woodbury first, you
know I can't spare him at any rate.
So there was a parcel of us took hold and went to
hauling of 'em out of the water like so many drownd-
ed rats. But we got 'em all out alive, except a few
young things they called dandies; they looked so after
they got wet all over that Ave could n't make out wheth-
er they were alive or dead. So we laid 'em up to
dry and left 'em; and I went on to help the President
review the troops on the battery, as they call it; and
a grand place it is tu. Pve seen more fine shows
here, it seems to me, than ever I see before in my
life. Such a sight of folks, and fine ladies, and fine
19
218
LETTERS OF
houses, and vessels, and steamboats, and flags a fly-
ing, and cannons firing, and fire works a whisking
about, I never seethe beat of it. I didn't think there
was so much fiin in this world before, for all I've
been about so much at Madawaska and among the
nullifiers and all round.
But 1 cant tell you much about it till we get there,
for I cant find any time to write. I've only catched a
few minutes this evening while the President is gone
into Mr. Niblo's garden. One of the master sights
that I've seen yet was that balloon that went up this
afternoon, carrying a man with it. Poor fellow, I
dont much think he'll ever get back again, for he
looked to me the last I see of him as though he would
land in England, or the moon, or some other country.
All these sights keep us back a little longer than
we expected. I dont think now we shall be in Port-
land before the 28th or 29th of this month. So I
thought I'd jest write you a line that you might be
down there about that time.
In haste your loving nefl'u,
MAJOR JACK DOWNING.
LETTER LXI.
In which Major Downing describes the visit of the
President at Boston, and also complains of the ras-
cally counterfeiters that ivrite letters in his name for
the newspapers.
\Kote by the Editor. It will be recollected that the President
while in Boston, was for a few days seriously ill.]
Boston, Tuesday, June 25, 1833.
To the Editor of the Portland Courier.
My dear old Friend, — I'm keeping house with
the President to-day, and bein he's getting consider-
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 219
able better, I thought I'd catch a chance when he
was taking a knap, and write a little to let you know
how we get along. This ere sickness of the Presi-
dent has been a bad pull-back to us. He hasn't been
able to go out since Sunday afternoon, and I've been
watchin with him this two nights, and if I wasn't as
tough as a halter, I should be half dead by this time.
And if the President want tougher than a cata-
mount, he'd kick the bucket before he'd been round
to see one half the notions there is in Boston. Poor
man, he has a hard time of it; you've no idea how
much he has to go through. It's worse than being
dragged through forty knot holes.
To be bamboozled about from four o'clock in the
morning till midnight, rain or shine, jammed into one
great house to eat a breakfast, and into another great
house to eat a dinner, and into another to eat supper,
and into two or three others between meals, to eat
cooliations, and to have to go out and review three
or four rigiments of troops, and then to be jammed
into Funnel Hall two hours, and shake hands with
three or four thousand folks, and then to go into the
State House and stand there two or three hours and
see all Boston streaming through it like a river through
a sawmill, and then to ride about the city awhile in a
fine painted covered waggon with four or five horses
to draw it, and then ride awhile in one without any
cover to it, finney-fined off to the top notch, and then
get on to the horses and ride awhile a horseback, and
then run into a great picture room and see more fine
pictures than you could shake a stick at in a week,
and then go into some grand gentleman's house, and
shake hands a half an hour with a flock of ladies, and
then after supper go and have a little still kind of a
hubbub all alone with three or four hundred particu-
lar friends, and talk an hour or two, and take another
cooliation, and then go home, and about midnight get
ready to go to bed, and up a^ain at four o'clock the
220 LETTERS OF
next morning and at it. — If this aint enough to tuck-
er a feller out I dont know what is. The President
wouldn't have stood it till this time if he hadn't sent
me and Mr. Van Buren and the rest of us to some
of the parties, while he staid to home to rest.
The President's got so much better I think we
shall be able to start for Salem to-morrow, for we
must go through with it now we've begun, as hard
work as 'tis. I think we shall get to Portland about
the 4th of July; so if you get your guns and things
all ready you can kill two birds with one stone. I
hope you'll be pretty careful there how you point
your guns. They pointed 'em so careless at New
York that one of the wads come within six inches of
making daylight shine through the President.
Now I think ont, there is the most rascally set of
fellers skulking about somewhere in this part of the
country that ever I heard of, and I wish you would
blow 'em up. They are worse than the pick-pock-
ets. I mean them are fellers that's got to writing
letters and putting my name to 'em, and sending of
'em to the printers. And I heard there was one sassy
feller last Saturday down to Newburyport that got
on to a horse, and rid about town calling himself
Major Jack Downing, and all the soldiers and the
folks marched up and shook hands with him, and
thought it was me. — Now, my dear old friend, isn't
this too bad.^ What would you do if you was in my
case.'' I say again they are worse than the pick-
pockets. Isn't it Mr. Shakespeare that says some-
thing about ' he that steals my munny-pus steals trash,
but he that steals my name ought to have his head
broke? ' I wish you would find that story and print it.
There, the President's jest waked up, so I must
subscribe myself, in haste,
Your friend,
MAJOR JACK DOWNING.
MAJOR JACK DOVvxMNG. 221
LETTER LXII.
In which the President and the rest of 'em turn a short
Corner at Concord and set their faces towards Wash-
ington.
Concord, Nu Hamsheer, Juiie 30, 1833.
To the Editor of ike PoHland Courier.
My dear old Friend, — The jig is all up about
our going to Portland and Downing ville. I've bat-
tled the watch with the President this two days about
it, and told him he must go there if he had the breath
of life in him; and he kept telling me he certainly
would if horses could carry him there.
But the President is n't very well, and that aint
the worst of it; there 's been a little difficulty bruin
among us, and the President's got so riled about it,
that he's finally concluded to start on his way back
to morrow. 1 cant help it; but I feel bad enough
about it. If I wasn't a military man I could cry a
barrel of tears.
I dont know how they will stan it in Downingville
when they come to get the news. I'm afraid there
will be a master uproar there, for you know they are
all fuUblooded democrats.
But the stage is jest agoing to start, and I've only
time to write you this line, in haste from your
friend,
MAJOR JACK DOWNING.
19*
222 LETTERS OF
LETTER LXIII.
In which cousin JVabbij descAhes the unutterable disap-
pointment at Downingville because the President did
nH come, and tells what a terrible pucker ant Keziah
was in about it.
GREAT UPROAR IN DOWNINGVILLE.
Letter from Major Downing's Cousin Nabby to the editor of the
Portland Courier.
Respectable Sir: — As cousin Jack is always so
mity budge in writing letters to you, and as he and
the President has showed us a most provoking trick
and run off like a stream of chalk back to Washington
without coming here, after they had promised over
and over again that they would come, and we had got
all slicked up and our clean gownds on, and more
good victuals cooked, than there ever was in all
Downingville before, I say, Mr. Editor, I declare it's
tu bad; we are all as mad as blazes about it, and I
mean to write and tell you all about it if I live, and
if cousin Jack dont like it he may lump it, so there
now.
Ye see cousin Jack writ to us that he and the Presi-
dent and some more gentlemen should be here the 4th
of July, and we must spring to it and brush up and
see how smart we could look and how many fine things
we could show to the President. This was a Saturday
before the 4th of July come a Thursday. The letter
was to Uncle Joshua, the Post Master. Most all the
folks in Downingville were at the Post Office waiting
when the mail come in, for we expected to hear from
Jack.
Uncle Joshua put on his spettacles and opened the
mail and hauled out the papers and letters in a bunch.
In a minute I see one to Uncle Joshua with the Presi-
dent's name on the outside; so I knew it was from
Jack, for the President ahvavs puts his name on Jack's
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. ^23
letters. We all cried out to Uncle Joshua to open it
and let us know what was in it. But he's such a pro-
voking odd old man he would n't touch it till he got
every one of the papers and letters sorted and put up
in their places. And then he took it and set down in
his arm chair, and took out his tobacker box and took
a chaw of tobacker, and then he broke open the seal
and sot and chawed and read to himself. We all
stood tiptoe with our hearts in our mouths, and he
must needs read it over to himself three times, chaw-
ing his old quid and once in awhile giving us a know-
ing wink, before he would tell us what was in it. —
And he would n't tell us arter all, but, says he, you
must all be ready to put the best side out Thursday
morning; there'll be business to attend to, such as
Downingville never see before.
At that we all cut and run, and such a hubbub as
we were in from that time till Thursday morning I
guess you never see. Such a washing and scrubbing
and making new clothes and mending old ones and
baking and cooking. Every thing seemed to be in a
clutter all over the neighborhood. Sargent Joel flew
round like a ravin-distracted rooster. He called out
his company every morning before sun-rise and march-
ed 'em up and down the road three hours every day.
He sent to the store and got a whole new set of but-
tons and had 'em sowed on to his regimental coat,
and had a new piece of red put round the collar. And
had his trowses washed and his boots greesed, and
looked as though he might take the shine off of most
any thing. But the greatest rumpus was at uncle
Joshua's; for they said the President must stay there
all night. And ant Keziah was in such a pucker to
have every thing nice, I did n't know but she would
fly off the handle.
She had every part of the house washed from gar-
ret to cellar, and the floors all sanded, and a bunch
of green bushes put into all the fire places. And she
224 LETTERS OF
baked three ovens full of dried punkin pies, besides
a few dried huckleberry pies, and cake, and a great
pot of pork and beans. But the worst trouble was to
fix up the bed so as to look nice; for ant Keziah de-
clared the President should have as good a night's
lodging in her house as he had in New York or Bos-
ton. So she put on two feather beds on top the straw
bed, and a bran new calico quilt that she made the
first summer after she was married and never put it
on a bed before. And to make it look as nice as the
New York beds, she took her red silk gown and rip-
ped it up and made a blanket to spread over the top.
And then she hung up some sheets all round the bed-
room, and the gals brought in a whole handful of
roses and pinks and pinned 'em up round as thick as
flies in August.
After we got things pretty much fixed, uncle
Joshua started off to meet cousin Jack and the Presi-
dent, and left Sargent Joel to put matters to rights,
and told us we must all be ready and be paraded in
the road by nine o'clock Thursday morning. Well
Thursday morning come, and we all mustered as soon
as it was daylight and dressed up. The children
were all washed and had their clean aprons on and
their heads combed and were put under the care of
the schoolmarm to be paraded along with her scholers.
About eight o'clock all the village got together
down the road as fur as uncle Joshua's new barn;
and Sargent Joel told us how to stand, as he said, in
militery order. He placed Bill Johnson and cousin
Ephraim out a little ways in front with each of 'em a
great long fowling piece with a smart charge in to
fire a salute, and told 'em as soon as the President
hove in sight to let drive, only be careful and pint
their guns up so as not to hurt any body. Then come
Sargent Joel and his company; and then come the
schoolmarm and the children; and then come all the
women and gals over sixteen with ant Keziah at their
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 225
head; and then come all the men in town that owned
horses riding on horseback; and all the boys that
Sargent Joel did n't think was large enough to walk
in the profession got up and sot on the fences along
by the side of the road.
There we stood till about nine o'clock, when sure
enough we saw somebody come riding out of the
woods down the hill. The boys all screamed ready
to split their throats hoorah for Jackson, and Bill
Johnson fired off his gun. Cousin Ephraim, who
aint so easy fluttered, held on to his and did n't fire,
for he could n't see any body but uncle Joshua on
his old gray horse. Along come uncle Joshua on a
slow trot, and we looked and looked, but could n't see
any body coming behind him.
Then they all begun to look at one another as wild
as hawks and turn all manner of colors. When uncle
Joshua got up so we could see him pretty plain he
looked as cross as a thunder cloud. He rid up to
Sargent Joel, and says he, you may all go home about
your business, and put away your knick-nacks, for
Jack and the President are half way to Washington
by this time.
My stars! what a time there was then. I never see
so many folks boiling over mad before. Bill Johnson
threw his gun over into the field as much as ten rods,
and hopped up and down and struck his fists together
like all possessed. Sargent Joel marched back and
forth across the road two or three times, growing red-
der and redder, till at last he drew out his sword and
fetched a blow across a hemlock stump and snapped
it off like a pipe stem. Ant Keziah fell down in a
conniption fit; and it was an hour before we could
bring her tu and get her into the house. — And when
she come to go round the house and see the victuals
she had cooked up, and go into the bed-room and see
her gown all cut up, she went into conniption fits again
and had 'em half the night. But she's better to day,
226 LETTERS OF
and has gone to work to try to patch up her go^vn
again.
I thought I would jest let you know about these
things, and if you are a mind to send word on to cousin
Jack and the President, I'm willing. You may tell
'em there aint five folks in Downingville that would
hoorah for Jackson now, and I dont believe there's
one that would vote for him unless 'tis uncle Joshua,
and he would n't if he was n't afraid of losing the
post office.
But there, uncle Joshua has called to me and says
he wont keep the mail open another minute for my
letter, so I must prescribe myself your respected friend,
NABBY DOWNING.
NOMINATION FOR THE PRESIDENCY.
From the National Intelligencer.
We do not know whether it be necessary, in copy-
ing the subjoined effusion, to enter into a protest
against misinterpretation of our motives. We should
be sorry to be understood, whilst humoring a jest, as
meaning to . burlesque so serious an action as the
choice of President of the United States. We copy
the following for the sake of its moral, as well as its
wit, and we do not like the moral the less for being
taught with a smiling countenance.
From the Mauch Chunk Courier.
Our next President.
Many of the papers in the United States have al-
ready manifested a disposition to agitate the subject
of the next Presidency, and several distinguished in-
dividuals have been informally named for that office,
among whom are Mr. Van Buren, Mr. M 'Lean,
Mr. Cass, Mr. Clay and Mr. Webster. As we are
opposed to a premature discussion of this ticklish
question, we have not hitherto committed ourself in
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 227
favor of either of these individuals. Indeed, we have
considered it very imprudent in these times, for any-
one who wishes to be an orthodox politician, to " come
out " for any body until he can ascertain who will be
most likely to succeed. Accordingly we have stood
upon our ' reserved rights ' of neutrality, to watch
the signs of the times, and see who would probably be
the most popular candidate. Recent indications have
satisfactorily convinced us on that point, and as we
wish to be considered among the ' originals' — the real
Simon Pures, we would lose no time in nominating
For President,
MAJOR JACK DOWNING,
Of Doivningville.
In recommending this distinguished personage to
our fellow citizens, it will be scarcely necessary to
enumerate his various claims to their suffrages. Suf-
fice it to say, his military renown, his valuable public
services in assisting President Jackson to put down
the Nullifiers, especially in shaking hands with the
Yankees " down east," and last though not least, the
fidelity with which he and his uncle Joshua stuck to
the Old Hero after he found he was going to be Pres-
ident, eminently qualify him for that exalted station.
LETTER LXIV.
In lohich Major Downing tells about going to Cam"
bridge and making the President a Doctor of Laws.
On board tlie Steam-boat, going from Providence to York,
July 2, 1833.
To ray old friend, the Editor of the Portland Courier, in the
Mariners' Church building, second story, eastern end, Fore
street, away down east in the State of Maine.
My dear Friend. — We are driving back again full
chisel, as fast as we come on when we were on the
Rail Road between Washington and Baltimore. And
228 LETTERS OF
we 've been drivin so fast on a round turn in all the
places where we've been, and have had so much
shaking hands and eating and one thing another to
do, that I could n't get time to write to you at half
the places where I wanted to, so I thought I'd set
down now, while the President's laid down to rest him
awhile, and tell you something about Cambridge and
Lowell. Ye see when we were at Boston they sent
word to us to come out to Cambridge, for they want-
ed to make the President a Doctor of Laws. What
upon arth a Doctor of Laws was, or why they wanted
to make the President one, I could n't think. So
when we come to go up to bed I asked the Gineral
about it. And says I, Gineral, what is it they want
to do to you out to Cambridge? Says he they want to
make a Doctor of Laws of me. Well, says I, but what
good will that do? Why, says he, you know Major
Downing, there's a pesky many of them are laws
passed by Congress, that are rickety things. Some
of 'em have very poor constitutions, and some of 'em
have n't no constitutions at all. So that it is neces-
sary to have somebody there to Doctor 'em up a little,
and not let 'em go out into the world where they
would Stan a chance to catch cold and be sick, with-
out they had good constitutions to bear it. You know,
says he, I have had to doctor the Laws considerable
ever since I've been at Washington, although I was
n't a regular bred Doctor. And I made out so well
about it, that these Cambridge folks think I better be
made into a regular Doctor at once, and then there '11
be no grumbling and disputing about my practice.
Says he. Major, what do you think of it? I told him
I thought it was an excellent plan; and asked him if
he did n't think they would be willing, bein I'd been
round in the military business considerable for a year
or two past, to make me a Doctor of War. He said
he did n't know, but he thought it would be no harm
to try 'em. But says he. Major, I feel a little kind
MAJOR JACK DOWNING?.
of streaked about it after all; for they say they will
go to talking to me in Latin, and although I studied
it a little once, I dont know any more about it now
than the man in the moon. And how I can get along
in that case I dont know. I told him my way, when
any body talked to me in a lingo that I did'nt under-
stand, was jest to say nothing, but look as knowing
as any of 'em, and then they ginerally thought 1 knew
a pesky sight more than any of 'em. At that the
Gineral fetched me a slap on my shoulder, and haw
hawed right out. Says he, Major Downing, you are
the boy for me ; I dont know how I should get along
in this world if it was n't for you.
So when we got ready we went right to Cambridge
as bold as could be. And that are Cambridge is a
real pretty place; it seems to me I should like to live
in them Colleges as well as any place I've seen.
We went into tlie Libry, and I guess I stared a little,
for I did n't think before there was half so many books
in the world. I should think there was near about
enough to fill a meetin house. I dont believe they
was ever all read or ever will be to all ages.
When we come to go in to be made Doctors of,
there was a terrible crowding round; but they give
us a good place, and then sure enough they did begin
to talk in Latin or some other gibberish; but whether
they were talking to the Gineral, or who 'twas, 1
could n't tell. I guess the Gineral was a little puz-
zled. But he never said a word, only once in a while
bowed a little. And I spose he happened sometimes
to put in the bows in the wrong place, for I could see
some of the sassy students look up one side once in a
while, and snicker out of one corner of their mouths.
Howsomever the Gineral stood it out like a hero, and
got through very well. And when 'twas over, I stept
up to Mr. Quincy and asked him if he would n't be
so good as to make me a Doctor of War, and hinted
to him a little about my services down to Madawasca
20
230 LETTERS OF
and among the nullifiers. At that he made me a very
pohte bow, and says he, Major Downing, we should
be very happy to oblige you it" we could, but we never
give any degrees of war here; all our degrees are
degrees of peace. So I find I shall have to practise
war in the natural way, let nullification, or what will,
come. After 'twas all over we went to Mr. Quincy's
and had a capital dinner. And on the whole had
about as good a visit to Cambridge as most any where.
I meant to a told you considerable about Lowell,
but the steamboat goes so fast, I shant have time to.
We went all over the Factories; and there! I wont
try to say one word about 'em, for I've been filled
with such a wonderment ever since, that my ideas are
all as big as hay stacks, and if I should try to get one
of 'em out of my head, it would tear it all to pieces.
It beat all that ever I heard of before, and the Gine-
ral said it beat all that ever he heard of. But what
made the Gineral hold his head up and feel more like
a soldier, than he had before since he was at New
Orleans, was when we marched along the street by
them are five thousand gals, all dressed up and look-
ing as pretty as a million of butterflies. The Gineral
marched along as light as a boy, and seems to me I
never see his eyes shine so bright afore. After we
got along about to the middle of 'em, he whispered
to me, and says he, Major Downing, is your Cousin
Nabby here among 'em; if she is, I must be intro-
duced to her. I told him she was not; as they were
expecting us to come to Downingville, she staid to
home to help get ready. Well, says he, if any thing
should happen that we can't go to Downingville, you
must send for your Cousin Nabby and Uncle Joshua
to come on to Washington to see me. I will bear all
the expenses, if they will only come, says he; these
northern gals are as much afore our southern and
western gals as can be, and I've thought of your
Cousin Nabby a great deal lately — he looked as
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 231
though he was going to say something more, but Mr.
Van Buren and the rest of 'em crowded along up so
near that it broke it off, and we had to go along.
I see we've got most to York, and shall have to go
ashore in a few minutes, so I can't write any more
now, but remain your sincere and loving friend,
MAJOR JACK DOWNING.
LETTER LXV.
In which Major Downing tells about the quarrel that he
and Mr. Van Buren had at Concord after theij went
up chamber to bed ; and also declares his intention to
run for the Presidency.
Washington City, July 20, 1833.
To my old friend, the editor of the Portland Courier, away down
east in the State of Maine.
My dear old Friend, you. — I dont know but you
might think strange on 't, that I should be back here
to Washington more than a fortnight, and not write
to you. But I hant forgot you. You need n't never
be afraid of that. We aint very apt to forget our
best friends; and you may depend upon it Jack
Downing will never forget the editor of the Portland
Courier any more than Andrew Jackson will forget
Jack Downing. You was the first person that ever
give me a lift into public life, and you 've been a
boosting me along ever since. And jest between you
and me°I think I 'm getting into a way now where I
shall be able by and by to do something to pay you
for it. The reason that I have n't writ to you before,
is, that we have had pretty serious business to attend
to since we got back. But we 've jest got through
with it, and Mr. Van Buren has cleared out and gone
back about the quickest to New York, and I guess
with a bed-bug in his ear. Now jest between you
232 - LETTERS OF
and me in confidence, I '11 tell you how 't is; but pray
dont let on about it to any body else for the world.
Did n't you think plaguy strange what made us cut
back so quick from Concord without going to Port-
land or Portsmouth or Downingviller You know the
papers have said it was because the President want
very well, and the President had to make that ex-
cuse himself in some of his letters; but it was no
such thing. The President could a marched on foot
twenty miles a day then, and only let him been at the
head of my Downingvilie company and he 'd a made a
whole British regiment scamper like a flock of sheep.
But you see the trouble ont was, there was some
difficulty between I and Mr. Van Buren. Some
how or other Mr. Van Buren always looked kind of
jealous at me all the time after he met us at JVew
York; and I could n't help minding every time the
folks hollered ' hoorah for Major Downing' he would
turn as red as a blaze of fire.
And wherever we stopped to take a bite or to have
a chat, he would always work it, if he could, some-
how or other so as to crowd in between me and the
President. Well, ye see, I wouldn't mind much
about it, but would jest step round 'tother side. And
though I say it myself, the folks would look at me,
let me be on v/hich side I would; and after they'd
cried hoorah for the President, they'd most always
sing out 'hoorah for Major Downing.' Mr. Van
Buren kept growing more and more tidgety till we
got to Concord. And there we had a room full of
sturdy old democrats of New Hampshire, and after
they had all flocked round the old President and
shook hands with him, he happened to introduce me
to some of 'em before he did Mr. Van Buren. At
that the fat was all in the fire. Mr. Van Buren
wheeled about and marched out of the room looking
as though he could bite a board nail off*. The Presi-
dent had to send for him three times before he could
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 235
get him back into the room again. And when he did
come, he didn't speak to me for the whole evening.
However we kept it from the company pretty much;
but when we come to go up to bed that night, we had
a real quarrel. It was nothing but jaw, jaw, the
whole night. Mr. Woodbury and Mr. Cass tried to
pacify us all they could, but it was all in vain, we
didn't one of us get a wink of sleep, and shouldn't if
the night had lasted a fortnight. Mr. Van Buren
said the President had dishonored the country by
placing a military Major on half pay before the
second officer of the government. The President
begged him to consider that I was a very particular
friend of his; that I had been a great help to him at
both ends of the country; that I had kept the British
out of Madawaska away down in Maine, and had
marched my company clear from Downingville to
Washington, on my way to South Carolina, to put
down the nullifiers; and he thought I was entitled to
as much respect as any man in the country.
This nettled Mr. Van Buren peskily. — He said he
thought it was a fine time of day if a raw jockey from
an obscure village away down east, jest because he
had a Major's commission, was going to throw the
Vice President of the United States and the heads
of Departments into the back ground. At this my
dander began to rise, and I stepped right up to him;
and says I, Mr. Van Buren, you are the last man
that ought to call me a jockey. And if you'll go to
Downingville and stand up before my company with
Sarjeant Joel at their head, and call Downingville
an obscure village, Pll let you use my head for a
foot-ball as long as you live afterwards. For if they
wouldn't blow you into ten thousand atoms, Pll never
guess again. We got so high at last that the old
President hopt off the bed like a boy; for he had laid
down to rest him, bein it was near daylight, though
he couldn't get to sleep. And says he, Mr. Donald-
236 LETTERS OF
son, set down and write Mr. Anderson at Portland,
and my friend Joshua Downing at Downingville, that
I can't come. I'm going to start for Washington
this morning. What, says Mr. Cass, and not go to
Portsmouth and Exeter and round there! I tell you,
says the President, I'm going to start for Washing-
ton this morning, and in three days I'll be there.
What, says Mr. Woodbury, and not go to Portland,
where they have spent so much money to get ready
for us! I tell you, says the President, my foot is
down: I go not a step further, but turn about this
morning for Washington. What, says I, and not go
to Downingville, what will Uncle Joshua say.'' At
this the President looked a little hurt; and says he,
Major Downing, I can't help it. As for going any
further with such a din as this about my ears, I can-
not, and will not, and I am resolved not to budge
another inch. And sure enough the President was
as good as his word, and we were all packed up by
sunrise, and in three days we were in Washington.
And here we've been ever since, battling the watch
about the next Presidency. Mr. Van Buren says the
President promised it to him, and now he charges me
and the President with a plot to work myself into it
and leave him out. It's true I've been nominated in
a good many papers, in the National Intelligencer,
and in the Munch Chunk Courier printed away off
among the coal diggers in Pennsylvany, and a good
many more. And them are Pennsylvany chaps are
real pealers for electing folks when they take hold;
and that's what makes Mr. Van Buren so uneasy.
The President tells him as he has promised to help
him, he shall do what he can for him; but if the folks
ivill vote for me he can't help it. Mr. Van Buren
wanted I should come out in the National Intelli-
gencer and resign, and so be put up for Vice Presi-
dent under him. But I told him no; bein it had
gone so fur I wouldn't do nothing about it. I hadn't
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 237
asked for the office, and if the folks had a mind to
give it to me I wouldn't refuse it. So after we had
battled it about a fortnight, Mr. Van Buren found it
was no use to try to dicker with me, and he's cleared
out and gone to New York to see what he can do
there.
I never thought of getting in to be President
so soon, though I've had a kind of hankering for it
this two years. But now, seeing it's turned out as it
has, I'm determined to make a bold push, and if I
can get in by the free votes of the people, I mean to.
The President says he rather I should have it than
any body else, and if he hadn't promised Mr, Van
Buren beforehand, he would use his influence for me.
I remember when I was a boy about a dozen years
old, there was an old woman come to our house to tell
fortunes. And after she'd told the rest of 'em, father
says he, here's Jack, you haven't told his fortune yet,
and I dont spose it's worth a telling, for he's a real
mutton-headed boy. At that the old woman catched
hold of my hair, and pulled my head back and looked
into my face, and I never shall forget how she looked
right through me, as long as I live. At last, says
she, and she gin me a shove that sent me almost
through the side of the house, Jack will beat the
the whole of you. He '11 be a famous climber in
his day, and wherever he sets out to climb, you may
depend upon it, he will go to the top of the ladder.
Now, putting all these things together, and the nom-
inations in the papers, and the ' hoorahs for Major
Downing,' I dont know what it means, unless it
means that I must be President, So, as I said
afore, I'm determined to make a bold push. I've
writ to Col. Crocket to see if I can get the support
of the western States, and his reply is, ^ go ahead.'
I shall depend upon you and uncle Joshua to carry
the State of Maine for me; and, in order to secure
the other States, I spose it will be necessary to pub-
238 LETTERS OF
lish my life and writings. President Jackson had
his life published before he was elected, and when
Mr. Clay was a candidate he had hisn published.
I've talked with the President about it, and he says,
publish it by all means, and set the printer of the
Portland Courier right about it.
So I want you to go to work as soon as you get
this, and pick up my letters, and begin to print 'em
in a book; and I'll set down and write a history of
my life to put into it, and send it along as fast as I
can get it done. But I want you to be very careful
not to get any of them are confounded counterfeit let-
ters, that the rascally fellers have been sending to
the printers, mixed in long with mine. It would be
as bad as breaking a rotten egg in long with the good
ones; it would spile the whole pudding. You can
tell all my letters, for they were all sent to you first.
The President says I must have a picter of me
made and put into the book. — He says he had one
put into his, and Mr. Clay had one put into his. So
I believe I shall write to Mr. Thatcher that prints
the little Journal paper in Boston, and get him to
go to some of the best picter-makers there, and get
them to do me up some as slick as they can. These
things, you know, will all help get the free votes of
the people; and that's all I want. For I tell you
now, right up and down, I never will take any office
that doesn't come by the free votes of the people.
I'm a genuine democratic republican, and always
was, and so was my father before me, and uncle
Joshua besides.
There's a few more things that I want to speak to
you about in this letter, but I'm afraid it will get to
be too lengthy. That are story that they got in the
newspapers about my being married in Philadelphy
is all a hoax. I aint married yet, nor I shant be till
a little blue-eyed gal, that used to run about with
me, and go to school and slide down hill in Down-
MAJOR JA6K DOWNING. 239
ingville is the wife of President Downing. And that
are other story, that the President give me a Curnel s
commission jest before we started down east, isn't
exactly true. The President did offer me one, but i
thanked him, and told him if he would excuse me, I
should rather not take it, for I had always noticed
that Majors were more apt to rise in the world than
Curnels.
I wish you would take a little pains to send up to
Downingville and get uncle Joshua to call a public
meeting, and have me nominated there. I'm so well
known there, it would have a great effect m other
places. And I want to have it particularly under-
stood, and so stated in their resolutions, that I am the
genuine democratic republican candidate. 1 know
you will put your shoulder to the wheel in this busi-
ness and do all you can for me, for you was always a
good friend to me, and, just between you and me,
when I get in to be President you may depend upon
it you shall have as good an office as you want.
But I see it's time for me to end this letter. The
President is quite comfortable, and sends his res-
pects to you and uncle Joshua. I remain your sin-
cere friend. MAJOR JACK DOWNIJNG.
LETTER LXVI.
In which Cousin Ephraim describes the method of put-
ting ' dimocrats ' over on to the federal side.
Downingville, State of Maine, August 12, 18^3.
To Cousin Major Jack Downing, at Washington city, or else
gone long with the President down to the Rip Raps. To be
sent privately in the Portland Courier.
Dear Cousin Jack.— I've got something pretty
heavy on my mind that I want to tell ye about, and
ask your advice, and may be I shall want you to lend
me a hand a little. I've been watching poUtics pretty
240 LETTERS OF
snug ever since I was a little boy, and that's near
about forty years; and I believe I know most as much
about it as uncle Joshua, although he's twenty years
older than I be. Now about this republicanism and
federalism, I've minded that it always keeps changing,
and always has, ever since I can remember. And
I've minded tu it most always keeps going round one
way; that is, the young federalists keep turning dim-
ocrats, and the old dimocrats keep turning federalists.
What it's for I dont exactly know, but that's the way
it goes. I spose a man, on the whole, is n't hardly
fit to be a dimocrat after he gets to be fifty years old.
And here is old uncle Josliua in the Post Ofiice, he's
got to be about sixty, and he's hanging on to the dim-
ocratic side yet, like the tooth-ache; and it begins to
worry me a good deal. I think it's high time he went
over. You know Downingville has always been a
genuine republican town, and I want it should always
go according to the usages [I think that's what they
call it] of the dimocratic party.
When it gets to be time for an old dimocrat to go
over on the federal side, I believe the Argus always
puts 'em over. You remember there was old Mr.
Insley in Portland, and old Gineral Wingate in Bath,
as much as a dozen years ago, were some as big re-
publicans as there was anywhere about. Well, they
got to be considerable old, and had been in office
sometime, so the Argus took and clapt 'em right over
on to the federal side. And you know there was
Mr. Holmes, he was a whapping great republican.
But he begun to grow old, and so the Argus put him
over. And there was JMr. Sprague; he was such a
nice dimocrat every one said it was a pitty to put him
over. But bein he'd been to Congress sometime, the
Argus would n't hear a word, but shoved him right
over.
And this summer the Argus is putting of 'em over
considerable younger on to the federal side. It has
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 241
put Judge Preble over, and Judge Ware, and Mr.
Mitchell, the Post Master at Portland, and he isn't
near so old as uncle Joshua, and it has put Mr. Meg-
quier over, only think, such a young man as Mr.
Megquier, that's only been in the Sinnet three or
four years. Now dont you think, according to dimo-
cratic usage, it is high time old uncle Joshua was put
over? I wish you would jest write to the Argus and
have it done, for I feel a good deal worried about it.
And as soon as it comes out in the xVrgus that he
is fairly over, I want you to tell the President that
uncle Joshua is a federalist, and have him removed
from the Post Office, for it would be an everlasting
shame to have the Post Office in Downingville kept
by a federalist.
N. B. If uncle Joshua should be removed I wish
you would use your influence to get the President to
give the office to me; for next to Uncle Joshua I
spose I've done more for the republican party than
any man in Downingville. I can have a recommen-
dation from Sargent Joel and all the company. By
attending to this vou will much oblige your friend
and cousin, ' * EPHRAIM DOWNING.
LETTER LXVII.
In which, the President begun to say something about
ME and Daniel.
Washington City, Sept. 14, 18^3.
To the Editor of the Portland Courier, away down East, in the
State of Maine.
My dear old Friend, — Its got to be a pretty con-
siderable long while now since I've writ to you, for I
never like to write, you know, without I have some-
thing to say. — But I've got something on my mind
now, that keeps me all the time a thinking so much
21
242 LETTERS OF
that I cant hold in any longer. So jest between you
and me I'll tell you what 'tis. But I must begin a
little ways beforehand, so you can see both sides of it,
and I'll tell you what 'tis as soon as I get along to it.
You see 1 and the President has been down to the
Rip Raps a few weeks to try to recruit up a little; for
that pesky tower away down East like to did the job
for the old Gineral. So, after we got things pretty
much to rights here, we jest stepped aboard the steam-
boat and went down to the Rip Raps. That are Rip
Raps is a capital place; it is worth all the money we
ever paid for it, if it was for nothing else only jest to
recruit up the Government. It is one of the most
coolest places in the summer time that you ever see.
Let a feller be all worn out and wilted down as limpsy
as a rag, so that the doctors would think he was jest
ready to fly off the handle, and let him go down to
the Rip Raps and stay there a fortnight, and he'd
come up again as smart as a steel-trap. The Presi-
dent got recruited up so nicely, while we were down
to the Rip Raps, that ever since we got back till two
or three days ago, he has been as good-natured and
sociable as ever I should wish to see a body. And
now I'm coming, pretty soon, to what I was going to
tell you about, that bears so heavy on my mind.
You see the President likes, every morning after
the breakfast is out of the way, to set down and read
over the newspapers, and see what is going on in the
country, and who's elected and so on. So when we
've done breakfast, we take the letters and papers
that come from the Post-Office, and go away by our-
selves into the great East Room where we can say
jest what we've a mind to, and nobody not hear us,
and the President sets down in his great arm rocking-
chair and smokes his segar, and I set down by the
table and read to him. Last Monday morning, as I
was reading ever the papers one arter another, I come
to a Pennsylvany paper and opened it, and, says I,
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 246
hullow, gineral, here's a speech of Mr. Webster at
Pittsburg, as large as life. Ah, said he; well, let us
hear what Daniel has been talking to them are Penn-
sylvany and Ohio chaps about. So I hitched back in
my chair, and read on. And by and by I begun to
get into the marrow of the story, where he told all
about Nullification, and what a dark time we had of
it last winter, and how the black clouds begun to rise
and spread over the country, and the thunders of civ-
il war begun to roll and rumble away off to the South,
and by and by how the tempest was jest ready to burst
over our heads and split the country all into shivers,
and how, in the very nick of time, the President's
Proclamation came out and spread over the whole
country like a rain-bow, and how every body then took
courage and said the danger was all over. While I
had been reading this, the President had started up on
his feet, and walked back and forth across the room
pretty quick, puffing away and making the smoke roll
out of his mouth like a house a fire; and by the time
I had got through, he had thrown his segar out of the
window, and come and sot down, leaning his elbow
on the table and looking right in my face. I laid the
paper down, and there he sot looking right at me as
much as five minutes, and never said a word; but
he seemed to keep a thinking as fast as a horse could
run. At last, said he. Major Downing, were you
ever told that you resembled Daniel Webster.''
Why, Gineral, says I, how do you mean, in looks
or what?
Why perhaps a little of both says he, but mostly
in looks.
Bless my stars, says I, Gineral, you dont mean to
say that 1 am quite so dark as he is.
Perhaps not, says he; but you have that sharp
knowing look, as though you could see right through
a millstone. I know, says he, that Mr. Webster is
rather a dark looking man, but there is n't another
21*
246 LETTERS OF
man in this country that can throw so much light on
a dark subject as he can.
Why yes, says I, he has a remarkable faculty for
that; he can see through most any thing, and he can
make other folks see through it too. I guess, says I,
if he 'd been born in old Virginny he 'd stood next to
most any body.
A leetle afore 'em, says the Gineral, in my way of
thinking. I '11 tell you what 't is Major, I begin to
think your New Englanders aint the worst sort of
fellows in the world after all.
Ah well says I, seeing is believing, and you 've
been down that way now and can judge for yourself.
But if you had only gone as fur as Downingville I
guess you would have thought still better of 'em than
you do now. Other folks may talk larger and blus-
ter more, says I, but whenever you are in trouble,
and want the real support in time of need, go to 'New
England for it and you never need to be afraid but
what it will come.
I believe you are right, says the Gineral; for not-
withstanding all I could do with my proclamation
against nullification, I believe I should have rubbed
hard if there had been no such men in the country as
Major Downing and Daniel Webster.
But this nullification business is n't killed yet. The
tops are beat down, but the roots are alive as ever,
and spreading under ground wider and wider, and one.
of these days when they begin to sprout up again
there '11 be a tougher scrabble to keep 'em down than
there has been yet; and I 've been thinking, says he,
and he laid his hand on my shoulder and looked very
anxious, I 've been thinking says he, if ijou and Dan-
iel and here the door opened and in comethAmos
Kendil with a long letter from Mr. Van Buren about
the Bank and the safety fund and the Government de-
posites and I dont know what all; and the President's
brow was clouded in a minute; for he always ieels kind
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 247
of pettish when they plague him about the safety fund.
I have n't had any chance to talk with him since,
there 's so many of 'em round him; and I 'm as un-
easy as a fish out of water, I feel so anxious to know
what the President was going to say about me and
Daniel. I shall watch the first chance when I think it
will do to talk with him, and find out what he was going
to say. I cant hardly sleep a nights, I think so much
about it. When I find out I '11 v/rite to you again.
Send my love to the folks up in Downingville when
you have a chance.
I remain your sincere friend,
MAJOR JACK DOWNING.
LETTER LXVIII.
In which the President finished what he was going to
say about Me and Daniel.
Washington City, Sept. 30, 1833.
To the Editor of the Portland Courier, away down east in the
State of Maine.
My dear Friend, — Havn't you been in a terrible
kind of a pucker ever since my last letter to you, to
know what the President was going to say about
me and Daniel? If you havn't, I have. I never felt
so uneasy for a fortnight hardly in my life. If I went
to bed t couldn't sleep, and I've got up and walked
the floor as much as half the night almost every night
since. — I've wished the Bank to Guinea more than
fifty times, for there's been such a hubbub here about
the Bank this fortnight past, that I couldn't get a mo-
ment's chance to talk with the President about any
thing else. We'd have cabinet meetings once in awhile
to see about moving the deposites, and Mr. Duane and
Mr. Cass and Mr. McLane would talk up to the
President so about it, that he'd conclude to let 'em
248 LETTERS OF
alone and do nothing about it, and let Congress man-
age it jest as they'd amind to. And then we'd go
home and Mr. Kendle would come in and talk the
matter over, and read some great long letters from
Mr. Van Buren, and get the President so confused
that he would lose all patience a most.
But Mr. Kendle is the master feller to hang on
that ever I see; he's equal to the tooth ache. And
he talked and palavered with the President till he
finally brought him over, and then the President put
his foot down, and said the deposites should be moved
whether or no. And then the botheration was to see
who should move 'em. The President told Mr. Du-
ane to do it; but he said his conscience wouldn't let
him. Then the President told Mr. Taney to take
Mr. Duane's place, and see if his conscience would
let him. Mr Taney tried it and found his conscience
went easy enough, so Mr. Duane packed up and went
home to Philadelphy. We were all dreadful sorry to
lose Mr. Duane, for he was a nice man as you will
see one in a thousand. It's a pity he had such a
stiff conscience; he might have staid here in the
Treasury jest as well as not, if it hadn't been for that.
But this storm about the bank begins to blow over,
and the President's got in a manner cooled down
again. This morning after breakfast we took the pa-
pers and letters jest as we used to, and went away into
the east room to read the news and chat awhile; and
it really did my heart good to see the President set
down once more looking so good natured in his great
arm chair smoking his segar. After I had read over
the news to him awhile, and got him in pretty good
humor, I made bold to out with it, and says I Giner-
al, there's one question I want to ask you. — And says
he, you know INIajor, I always allow you to ask me
any thing you're a mind to, what is it? Well says I,
when we had that talk here about a fortnight ago,
you begun to say something about me and Daniel;
and jest as you got into the middle of it, Mr. Kendle
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 249
came in and broke it right off short as a pipe stem.
It's been running in my head ever since, and I've
been half crazy to know what it was you was going
to say. Well, let us see, says the Gineral, where
was it I left off; for this everlasting fuss about the
Bank has kept my head so full I can't seem to re-
member much about it.
Why says I, you was talking about nullification;
how the tops were beat down a little, but the roots
were all running about under ground as live as ever,
and it would n't be long before they'd be sprouting
up again all over the country, and there 'd be a tough-
er scrabble to keep 'em down than ever there had
been yet; and then you said if I and Daniel and
there that plaguy Kendle came in, I've no patience
with him now when I think of it, and broke it right
off. Ah, now I remember, says the Gineral, how
twas. Well, says he, Major Downing, it is a solemn
fact, this country is to see a blacker storm of nullifi-
cation before many years comes about than ever it
has seen yet; the clouds are beginning to gather now;
I've seen 'em rolling over South Carolina, and hang-
ing about Georgia, and edging along into old Vir-
ginny, and I see the storm's a gathering; it must
come, and if there is n't somebody at the helm that
knows how to steer pretty well, the old ship must go
down. I aint afraid, says he, but vv'hat I can keep
her up while I have the command, but I'm getting to
be old and must give up soon, and then what '11 be-
come of her I dont know. But what I was going to
say was this; I've been thinking if you and Daniel,
after I give up, would put your heads together and
take charge of her till the storm has blown over, you
might save her. And I dont know who else can.
But how do you mean, Gineral, says 1} Why to
speak plain, says he, if nullification shows its head,
Daniel must talk and you must fight. There's noth-
ing else will do the job for it that I know of Daniel
250 LETTERS OF
must go into the presidential chair, and you must take
command of the army, and then things will go straight.
At this I was a little struck up; and I looked him
right in the eye, and, says I, Gineral, do you mean
that Daniel Webster ought to be President after you
give up? Certainly, says he, if you want to keep the
country out of the jaws of nullification. But, says I,
Gineral, Daniel is a federalist, a Hartford Convention
federalist, and I should like to know which is worst,
the jaws of nullification, or the jaws of federalism.
The jaws of a fiddle-stick! said the President, start-
ing up and throwing his segar out of the window as
much as two rods; but how do you know, Major
Downing, that Daniel is a federalist.'' Because, says
I, I've heard him called so down east more than a
hundred times. And that's jest all you know about
it, says he. Now I tell you how 'tis, Major Down-
ing, Daniel is as thorough a republican as you be, or
as I be, and has been ever since my Proclamation
came out against nullification. As soon as that Pro-
clamation came out Daniel came right over on to the
republican ground and took it upon his shoulder and
carried it through thick and thin where no other man
in the country could have carried it. Says I, Gine-
ral, is that a fact.'' And says he yes, you may de-
pend upon it, 'tis every word truth. Well says I,
that alters the case a little, and I'll write to Uncle
Joshua and the editor of the Portland Courier and
see what they think of it, and if they think it's best
to have Daniel for President we'll have him in, and
I'll take my turn afterwards: for seeing the people
are bent upon having me for President I wont decline,
though if it is thought best that I should wait a little
while, I wont be particular about that. I'm willing
to do that which will be best for the country.
So I remain your loving friend,
MAJOR JACK DOWNING.
MAJOR JACK DOWMNG. 251
LETTER LXIX.
In which Cousin jyabhij describes her visit to Mr. MaeU
zeVs Congregation of Moshow.
Portland, October 22, 1833.
To Cousin Sally Downing, up in Downingville, in the care of
Uncle Joshua, Post Master.
Dear Cousixx: — I got here about noon yesterday,
muddy and wet enough. Such dreadful muddy roads
for the time of year, seems to me there never was be-
fore. Butter fetches a grand price. They would n't
offer but eighteen cents at first, but soon as they come
to see it and taste of it, they give me twenty cents
right off for all of yours and mine, and never said a
word. — So much for keeping a neat churn and clean
milk-pans. The yarn and footins sold pretty well too,
but I wont stop to tell you about that till I get back.
I'm going to stop here with ant Sally till next week,
and I want you to come down if you can any way in
the world, for here's a sight here that would make you
jump higher than the cat's back if you should see it.
I'll jest tell you a little about it. When I got here
yesterday, I found ant Sally all in a flutter about go-
ing to see the congregation of Moskow. She said she
was going to carry the children, and nothing would do
but I must go too. She said it would n't cost but two
and thrippence, and she would pay it rather than not
have me go, for she should 'nt mind the pay, as all
that was paid that evening would be given to the so-
cieties what takes care of little orphan children and
carries wood to poor freezing widows. When she said
that, I felt as though I should be willing to give two
pounds of butter myself So we all fixed and off we
went up to Union Hall about seven o'clock.
252 LETTERS OP
I cant stop to tell you much about the sights I see
there, but you must come and see 'em without fail. I
dont know but they 've nigh upon scared me out of a
year's growth; they showed us first a little feller they
called a fidler. I dont know what he was made of but
he acted jest as though he was alive. He was n't
more than a foot long, and he sot down in a chair as
pretty as a little man. And somebody played some
music to him and that sot him all of a didder, and he
made his little fiddle stick fly so I did n't know but he
would shake his arm off. Then they brought out a
little doll baby; a sweet looking little creature, dress-
ed up as neat as a pink. And they brought it along
up to us, and as true as you are alive it spoke right
out and said ma-ma. I could n't hardly believe my
own ears at first, but it said ma-ma again, and pa-pa,
more than twenty times.
Then they sot a couple of little fellers up on a rope,
and they went to hopping and jumping and dancing
about, and whirling over and over round the rope, till
I thought they would fall and break their necks more
than fifty times. The prettiest one would sit up so
straight, and turn his head round and look at us, and
hold his hands out to us, that I told ant Sally I knew
he was alive and I'd go and take the dear little crea-
ture down before he fell and killed himself. But she
held on to me and declared I should n't go, for he had
n't any more life in him than an ax handle; but I cant
hardly believe it now.
Then they said they would show us the Congrega-
tion of Moskow. And presently I begun to hear a
racket and drums and fifes agoing, and bells a dinging,
and by and by they pulled away some great curtains,
that hung clear across the Hall, and there was a sight
that beat all I ever see before. I jumped and was go-
ing to run for the door at first, for I thought Portland
was all afire; but ant Sally held on to me till I got
pacified a little, and then I sot down.
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 253
And, there, I must say it was the grandest sight
that ever I did see. A thousand buildings and meet-
ing houses all in a light flame, and the fire and smoke
rolling up to the clouds, and thousands and thousands
of soldiers marching and riding through the streets,
and the drums and the fifes and the bugles and the
bells and the guns; O Sally, you must come and see
it, if you have to come afoot and alone as the gal
went to be married. The man says in the papers he
aint agoing to keep it here only till next Friday night;
but I'll coax him as hard as I can to stay till next
week, so you can have a chance to see it. In haste
your loving Cousin,
NABBY DOWNING.
LETTER LXX.
In which Major Doivning concludes it is best to put some
of his poetry into his book.
Washington, Oct. 20, 1833.
To the Editor of the Portland Courier, away down east in the
State of Maine.
My dear old Friend, — I am glad you have got
Mr. Lilly, Wait, and Company, in Boston to print
my book, for they say they print about the prettiest
books there is agoing now days, and as many of 'em
too as most any body. I shall go on to Boston in a
few days, so as to see to it, and have it well done.
I've been a thinking it might help the matter along
some towards my getting in to be President, if you
would look up that are piece of poetry that I writ for
you three or four years ago about Sam Patch, and
put it into the book. I dont know as many of the
Presidents have wrote much poetry; but they say
Quincy Adams has considerable, and it's helped him
22
254 LETTERS OF
along a good deal. And as I dont want to leave any-
stone unturned that would be likely to help me in, I
think it's best to put that in the book.
I remain your loving friend,
MAJOR JACK DOWNING.
LETTER LXXI.
In which Major Downing tells the President about his
book, and the pictures in it, and prevents a bobbery
in the Senate chamber.
Washington City, Dec. 28, 1833.
To the Editor of the Portland Courier in the Mariners' Church
building, 2d story, eastern end, Fore Street, away down east
in the State of Maine.
My dear old Friend, — Ever since I got back
here from Boston where I'd been to see about print-
ing my book, we've been in a kind of a harrycane
here, and I and the Gineral has had to hold on so
tight to keep things from blowing away, that I could
n't hardly get a chance to write to you afore now,
though I have wanted to twenty times. You know
I come away from Boston as soon as they got done
printing the book, before they had time to bind any
of 'em up, so I could n't bring any of 'em with me,
and the President is in a great taking to see one, so
I wish you would tell Mr. Lilly, Wait and Co. to
send one to the President the first chance, and I
think they better send one to Mr, Clay too, and one
to Daniel; and I dont care if they send one to Mr.
Van Buren if they 've a mind to, though I dont know
as he will like it very well because they have made
him look so thunderin cross in that picter about the
MAJOR JACK DOWNING.
255
quarrel we had at Concord. But it's no more than
what's true, for he did look cross enough to bite a
board nail off; and Mr. Cass and Mr. Woodbury will
say the same any time of day. The President was
very glad to see me when I got back from Boston,
for he had had a tough scrabble to keep things going
on straight while I was gone. But before he would
stop to tell me a word about what he had been doing
and what the Cabinets had been about, I had to set
down and tell him the whole story about the book
from beginning to end. So we went into the east
room and lit our pipes and set down and had a good
long chat. Well, Major, said the President, how
many pages have you got? Almost three hundred,
says I. °And how many picters, says he? Ten, says
I. Well, says he, how do they look? Why, says I,
I think they are some of the prettiest things I have
laid my eyes on this long time! Well how many of
'em have got me in 'em, says he? Three, I believe,
says I, let us see, there is the shaking hands at Phil-
adelphia, where you got so tired I had to shake for
you; and there is the one at Concord, where you
jumped off the bed and give us such a scolding when
i and Mr. Van Buren was jawing of it up hill and
down; and there is the one where I was reading
newspapers to you here in the east room and you
was walking across the floor smoking ; and I believe
that's all that's got you in 'em. Well, says he, who
made 'em. Well, says I, Mr. Johnston made 'em,
and a good natured funny sort of a chap he is too as
I've seen any where this side of Downingville,
Johnston, says he, Johnston, why he has made
picters of me before, and made me look worse than
ten thousand Indians. How has he made me look in
these?— Why pretty well, says I, considering, ex-
cept in the last one where you was walking across
the floor smoking. In that one he's made your legs
so monstrous long, it seems as though you could
256 LETTERS OF
wade across the Potomac with three steps, and run
from here to Tennessee in half a day. I felt so cross
when I first see it, I almost wished it burnt up. But
stop, says the President, let us think of that a minute.
I aint so clear, says he but what Johnston is about
right after all. Had n't a feller ought to have as
long legs as them to run as well as I did, both heats
for the Presidency? Why you know, Major, there
wasn't another candidate could come within gun-shot
of me any where. And if I should run again for a
third heat, says he, I should leave 'em all behind,
Van Buren and all, unless you should be a candidate,
Major, said he, giving me a slap on the shoulder; if
you should run against me, says he, I think it would
be rather a tough pull, for I find the people have
taken most as much of a liking to you as they have
to me. But I told him he need n't be concerned
about that, for I knew too well what belonged to
friendship and good manners to think of doing that, —
After we got our smoke out, we let the subject drop,
and the President is waiting to see one of the books.
It seems as if this Congress come together de-
termined to have a real whirlwind all winter. Mr.
McDutBe raves like a mad lion; I thought when he
was making a speech 'tother day that he would stave
his bench all to pieces, he slat things round so. And
Mr. Clay is as full of mischief as he can live. He's
been bothering us with some pesky thing or other the
whole time snice he has been here. When the Sen-
ate sent to the President for that document that he
read to the Cabinet last September about removing
the Deposites, I did n't know one spell but the old
Gineral would a took his cane and gone right into
the Senate room and drove 'em all out together and
told 'em to go home about their business. But I
talked to him and pacified him, and got him pretty
well cooled down at last. And then says he, INIajor,
what would you do about it.'' Well, says I, Gineral,
MAJOR JACK DOWNING. 259
supposin the Senate should ask you to send 'em one
of my letters, what would you tell 'em? Why, says
he I would tell 'em that they had no busmess with
it ' Well says I, Gmeral, what is the difference
between one of my letters to you and one of your
letters to the Cabinet? None at all, says he and i 11
be hanged if they get^ it; and he sot right down and
wrote to 'em and told 'em so. , ., x n •
Well then we sot and smoked a little while, talking
about one thing another, and at last the President
broke out again about the Senate sendmg to him tor
that document that he read to the Cabinet; and all at
once he started up and catched his hat and cane, and
says he, Maior, if I dont put a veto upon them chaps
my name is n't Andrew Jackson, and he whisked out
of doors before I had time to think. I had my shoes
off and my feet up against the jam, but I shpped em
on as quick as I could, and out after him. But by
the time I got out he was away down Pennsylvany
Ayenu eyer so far pulling for the Congress house
as fast as he could go. I pulled on after him and
overtook him jest as he was going into the benate
room. And I took hold of his arm, and says 1
Gineral, have n't I always advised you well? And
he stopt and looked round at me, and the rinkles
begun to smooth out of his face, jest as they always
do when he looks at me, and says he yes. Major, 1
must say that. Well, says I, gineral, then my opin-
ion is, that you better stop and think of this busmess
a little before you go into the Senate to kick up a
bobbery. There's Mr. Clay making a speech now;
and if you should make a drive right m amoiig em
it would be like going into a hornet's nest. 1 he op-
position you know have the majority, and they d flock
round Clay as thick as though he was the queen bee
in a beehive, and they might be too many for you.
Says he. Major, I should n't be afraid of 'em if there
was five times as many; but I never did know your
260 LETTERS OF MAJOR JACK DOWNING.
advice to prove wrong yet, so if you think it 's best
I'll stop and consider of it a little. After awhile 1
got him to go back to the house again and be con-
tented with sending the letter that they should n't
have the document.
There was a man come along here tother day with
some capital picters of me, engraved from that one
painted by Mr. Harris that lives down there in Port-
land. The President was very much tickled with
'em. He bought one and had it hung up right by
the side of Mr. Van Buren's, and I've seen him
stand there since by the hour together looking at
'em, first at me and then at Mr. Van Buren.
I'll write to you again pretty soon and let you know
something more about matters and things here. If
Cousin Ephraim goes down to the Legislater to
Augusta this winter I wish he would write to me and
let me know how they get along there, for I feel a
kind of a hankering to hear from 'em always ever
since that first winter I spent with 'em in Portland.
P. S. I had a letter tother day from Mr. Lilly,
Wait and Co. telling that two editions of my book
was most all sold, and they were jest agoing to work
to sterrytype it; and they did n't know but they should
want a little something to fill up two or three more
pages. So if they should v/ant any thing, I dont
know but you had better let 'em have this letter to
put in.
The President sends his respects to you, and to
Uncle Joshua if you should have a chance to send
them up to him.
I remain your faithful friend,
MAJOR JACK DOWNING.
BIOGRAPHY OF SA.M PATCH. 261
MAJOR DOWNING'S BIOGRAPHY OF SAM PATCH,
THE JUMPER.
Note, by the Editor. There are some striking
parallels between the race run by the renowned Sam
Patch, of jumping memory, who figured in this jump-
ing world in the year, i^anno Domini) one thousand
eight hundred and twenty-nine, and the no less re-
nowned Major Jack Downing, who is figuring away
* in the full tide of successful experiment' at this pres-
ent era. We think it fortunate for the memory of
the jumping hero, as well as for the world, that his
wonderful achievements have been recorded by so il-
lustrious a genius and accomplished writer as Major
Downing. It is fitting that their memory should go
down to posterity together. They were both humble
in their origin, and both were aspiring and lofty in
their ambition. Neither of them however ever stoop-
ed to run after popularity, for popularity always run
after them. Sam commenced with taking small jumps,
and Jack ^^ommenced with reaching after small offi-
ces. Sam's ambition soon led him to leap from high
bridges and factory walls, and Jack began anon to
think of a Governor's chair and a seat in the Cabinet
at Washington. Sam at length would stop nothing
short of jumping down the falls of Gennesee and Ni-
agara, and Jack has fixed his eye upon the lofty
mark and is pressing forward with full vigor for the
Presidency of the United States. Sam's last jump
was a fatal one, and we sincerely hope the parallel
may not be carried out, but that the Major may yet
see many good days, and continue to serve his coun-
try as faithfully as he has hitherto done.
But we must explain how Major Downing came to
be the biographer of Sam Patch.
While Mr. Downing (we say Mr., because it was
262 MAJOR downing's biography
before he received any office) was attending upon
the Legislature of Maine in 1830, one day when the
wheels of government were clogged and some of the
Senators had run away and there was nothing doing,
Mr. Downing came into our room, and sat down and
looked over a file of newspapers. He soon got upon
the achievements of Sam Patch, whose career had
a short time before closed, and he read his history
through. Mr. Downing's head was full of the mat-
ter. He never read any thing before that filled him
with such intense interest. He had got upon the
track of a kindred spirit, and he was all animation.
He went home with us and spent the night ; but he
could talk of nothing and think of nothing but Sam
Patch. He had got his story by heart, and he was
talking it over in his sleep all night. In the morning
he rose pale and nervous. Says he, ' I believe that
story of Sam Patch has been ground over in my
head more than forty times to-night, and its got so
now it comes through my head in lines all about the
same length, jest like rolls out of a carding machine;
and if you '11 give me some paper and pen and ink,
I'll put it down.' We furnished him accordingly,
and he sat down and wrote the following splendid
piece of biography, which we published in the Cou-
rier at the time and now insert in the volume of his
life and writings.
BIOGRAPHY OF S.V3I PATCH.
Pawtucket is a famous place,
Where cotton cloth is made,
And hundreds think it no disgrace
To labour at the trade.
Among the spinners there was one,
Whose name was Samuel Patch ;
He moped about, and did his stent —
Folks thought him no great scratch.
OF SAM PATCH. 263
But Still a maggot, in his head,
Told Sam lie was a ninny,
To spend his life in twirling thread,
Just like a spinning Jenney.
And if he would become renown'd,
And live in song or story,
Twas time he should be looking round
For deeds of fame and glory.
' What shall 1 do ? ' quoth honest Sam,
' There is no war a-brewing ;
And duels are but dirty things.
Scarce worth a body's doing.
' And if I would be President,
I see I'm up a tree,
For neither prints, nor Congress-men,
Have nominated me.'
But still that maggot in his head
Told Sam he was a gump,
For if he could do nothing else,
Most surely he could jump.
Ay, right, quoth Sam, and out he went,
And on tiie bridge he stood.
And down he jump'd full twenty feet.
And plung'd into the flood.
And when he safely swam to land,
He stood thei-e like a stump.
And all the gaping crowd cried out,
'O what a glorious jump.'
New light now shone in Samuel's eyes,
His heart went pit a pat ;
' Go, bring a ladder here,' he cries ;
' I'll jump you more than that.'
264 MAJOR downing's biography
The longest ladder iu the town
Against the factory was rear'd,
And Sam clomb up, and then jump'd down,
And loud and long the gapers cheer'd.
Besides the maggot in his head,
Sam's ear now felt a flea ;
'I'll raise some greater breezes yet:
What's this dull town to me ? '
And off he went on foot, full trot.
High hopes of fame his bosom fired,
At Paterson, in Jarsay State,
He stopt awhile, for Sam was tired ;
And there he mounted for a jump.
And crowds came round to view it,
And all began to gape and stare.
And cry, ' How dare you do it ? '
But Sam ne'er heeded what they said.
His nerves want made to quiver.
And down he jump'd some fifty feet.
And splash'd into the river.
' Hoo-rah,' the mob cried out amain,
' Hoo-rah,' from every throat was pouring,
And Echo cried, 'Hoo-rah' again,
Like a thousand lions roaring.
Sam's fame now spread both far and wide,
And brighter grew from day to day.
And wheresoe'er a crowd convened,
Patch was the lion of the play.
From shipmasts he would jump in sport,
And spring from highest factory walls;
And proclamation soon was made,
That he would leap Niagara falls
,,PifF
" While Sam approached those awful falls,
And leapt them like a frog."
OF SAM PATCH. 267
* What for ?' inquired an honest Hodge,
' Wliy scare to death our wives and mothers ? '
'To show that some things can be done,'
Quoth Sam, ' as well as others.'
Ten thousand people thronged the shores,
And stood there all agog,
While Sam approached those awful falls.
And leapt them like a frog.
And when they saw his neck was safe,
And he once more stood on his feet.
They set up such a deafening cheer,
Niagara's roar was fairly beat.
Patch being but a scurvy name,
They solemnly did there enact.
That he henceforward should be call'd
* Squire Samuel O'Cataract.'
And here our hero should have stopt.
And husbanded his brilliant fame ;
But, ah, he took one leap too much,
And most all heroes do the same.
Napoleon's last great battle prov'd
His dreadful overthrow.
And Sam's last jump was a fearful one,
And in death it laid him low.
'Twas at the falls of Genessee,
He jump'd down six score feet and five,
And in the waters deep he sunk.
And never rose again alive.
The crowd, wiih fingers in their mouths,
Turn'd homeward, one by one.
And oft with sheepish looks they said,
' Poor Sam's last job is done.'
APPENDIX.
t
In which are published some of Major JDowning's
letters J that he never wrote.
JVote by the Editor. The following paragraph from
Mr. Walsh's National Gazette, published some two
or three months ago, comes in so pat upon the pres-
ent occasion, that we cannot refrain from copying it.
' It has been the fate of all successful authors, to
have counterfeits who deal with their originals as
Hamlet says that some players imitate nature. The
Rabelais, the Swifts, the Voltaires suffered in their
day by the productions of interlopers of the sort; —
mere bunglers attempted to personate them, and con-
founded the less discriminating or critical part of the
reading public. Major Jack Downing has paid in
like manner, the penalty of genius and popularity;
and he has complained of the hardship and injustice,
in a characteristic vein. We humbly advise him to
write over the whole story of President Jackson's
late expedition. It might confidently be predicted
that a full narrative from his pen, duly authenticated,
would obtain as much vogue in these United States,
as did Peter Plymley's Letters in Great Britain.'
Major Downing's letters were commenced in the
Portland Courier, in January 1830, and have been
APPENDIX. 269
continued in that paper regularly up to the present
time, Nov. 1833. The real Major has never sent
any letter to any other paper. Though counterfeit
or imitation letters occasionally appeared in other
papers, it was not till President Jackson's tour to
New England, that they were published in any con-
siderable numbers. At that time the counterfeiters
took a new start. Roused by the Major's account of
their ' coming on full chisel,' and of his shaking hands
for the President at Philadelphia, every body betook
themselves to writino- Jack Downing;, till their letters
almost overshadowed the land. The great mass of
them were about as much like the original letters, as
a hawk is like a hand-saw. Most of them had noth-
ing to recommend them but extreme bad spelling,
without point, wit, or moral. Others, which were
written with some ability, were often deformed by
low blackguardism, indelicacy, or profanity, qualities
which it is believed are not to be found in the writ-
ings of the genuine Major. A few of the best speci-
mens of the imitations are copied in the following
pages. We cannot but remark however, in passing,
that it appears to us to be an unjustifiable invasion of
the Major's rights, for others to assume his name.
It is really as much a forgery in point of honor and
equity, as it would be for them to affix to their letters
the name of Andrew Jackson. If they choose to at-
tempt to write in the Major's style, they are at lib-
erty to do it, as they would be to attempt the style of
any other author; but we believe all honorable men
will say, they have no moral right to assume his name.
23*
270
APPENDIX.
No. I.
Being the genuine letter of old Mr. Zophar Downing,
' amost eighty-three yere old.'
[JVote. — The following letter, we believe, was sent originally in
the New York Commercial Advertiser, though we are not sure
but it was a Baltimore paper. We regard it as the best picture,
* drawd off from nater,' that we have seen among the numerous
imitations of the true letters of the Downing family. One thing
is certain about it, whether the Major has an uncle in the west-
ern States or not, this letter bears indubitable evidence of having
been written by a person eighty three years old.}
S Uppington, Western Resarve,
} Tuesday, June 5, A. D. 1833, N. S.
To MY Nefew John Downing: — I am got to be
amost eighty three Yere old, and I'm in my eighty
third year now, and its so long since I have took any
Pen in my hand to write any thing nor a Letter to any
Boddy living for now going on a very long Time.
And what makes it particular bad for me is that my
Fingers is got stiff with Rhumatiz and cold, and is all
Thums, as much as tho they was froze in the Winter.
— Your Aunt is sick abed; slie ketch'd cold some
Time in Aperil, and I don't know when she will ever
git over it; she is in her eighty second Year most as
old as I be, we are both very old and prety much
done with this World, so to speake. I did not ever
expect to write any more Letters to my Frinds because
I'm in my eighty third Year and am too old most to
write Letters. But you writ a Letter to me from the
Citty of Washington and it was throw 'd out of the
Stage Wensday as it drove by. And when I redd
about your goin to take the President of These
United States to Downingvil then I said to your Aunt
my dear I must try and write an Answer to Jenny's
Letter.
APPENDIX. 271
I was jeest about as old as you be John when the
Great Washington died, 14 day of December, and was
with him and spoke with him seventeen year before,
when he left the Army and wisht I might live many
yeares, and what you writ to me makes me think a
good deal of that time. I shant forget it to my dyin
day — but I hope you wont have Ardint Sperrits in
your Town on the Occasion. I dont drink any more
Flip nor Tody sence 17 August A. D. 1831 and am
better fort, and hope Brother Joshua has stopped.
Two of my Cows was lost last year by Destemper and
one of Mr. Doolittles who lives oposite, is a hard
worken Man. Some Destemper was here this yere
but I follerd what was said in the Temperance
Almanick and they was cured in time to git over it.
I desire that my Brother Joshua woud write a Letter
to me to let me know whether he is going to make out
as well with his Ternips as he did 3 year ago, he
wrote to your Aunt about it. I tryde that Plan here,
but it dont do in this Soil, it is to dry most of it.
Your Aunt tells me she dont think Brother Joshua
can be so strong of his Age as I be, seeing he hant
writ any of us since that Account of his Garding
Sauce turnin out so remarkable good that year.
It is thirty-two years ago next month since I was
in Downingville, how is Deacon Wiloby and his fam-
ily and his daughter Sooky was uncommon humer-
some, but your aunt always used to say she thot
Sooky was a little too fond of seeing peeple perlite
and that she was too espirin for Downingvil when she
was young and a comely child. I thank you John for
some newspapers you sent to me last when so much
was writ about the President and the Vice Presi-
dent, one spell I was afeard that the poor salvages in
Georgia State was agoin to suffer till the great Pro-
clamation to the Nuliphiers as they are called which
you sent to me, but I hope they are not now, they are
a sufferin Peeple certin. If you do take the Presi-
272 APPENDIX.
dent east I hope there is no boddy but what will treat
him respect. You know John I dont know much
about politix, but I know something of my bible, and
I hope I shall ahvais read in it while I continue to live,
and it says in the 2nd Book of Samuel, about Absa-
lom's setting by the gate and shakin hands and kissin
every boddy that passed by, and whisperin in their
ears what he would do if he was king, and you know
mor about the Vice President, and I ask you if that man
aint adoin so too, and if it is not some boddys duty to
speak to the President about it. But my hand shakes
some, writin so much, and give my love and aunts to
all our relations and to the neighbours of yours that I
used to know. I am your loving Uncle,
ZOPHAR DOWNING.
No. 11.
BANK REPORT.
To the Editor of the JV*. Y. Daily Advertiser.
Major Downing's Official Report on the United States Bank.
Published by ' authority.'
Rip Raps, August 4th, 18a3.
Dear Sir, — I have jest got here after examinin
the Bank; and it was the toughest job, ever I had in
my life. The Gineral was so bent on my doing it,
that I had to ' go ahead,' or I'd sneak'd out the first
day. I was nigh upon a week about it, figerin and
siferin all the while. Mr. Biddle see quick enuf it
was no fool's journey I come on; and I made some
of his folks scratch their heads, I tell you. I gin 'em
no notice of my comin, and I jump'd right in the
thickest on 'em there one day, when they were tum-
APPENDIX. 273
blin in and shellin out the munny like corn ' Now,
says I ' my boys, I advise all on ye to brush up your
multiplication tables, for I am down upon you with
aligation, and the rule of three, and vulgar fractions;
and if I find a penny out of place, the Gineral shall
know it. I'm no green horn, nor member of Congress,
nor Judge Clayton, nor Mr. Cambreleng, neither,
says I. As soon as Mr. Biddle read the letter the
Gineral sent by me, says, he ' Major, I'm glad the
Gineral has sent some one at last that knows some-
thins and can sive a strait account;' and with that
he called all the Bank folks, and tell'd 'em to bnng
their books together. ' Now,' says he, ' Major, which
eend shall we begin at first.' ' It makes no odds
which,' says I, ' all I care about is to see if both eends
meet; and if they don't, Mr. Biddle,' says I i ts all
over with you and the bank— you'll all go, hook and
line '—and then we off" coats and went at it. 1 tound
some of them are fellers there plagy sharp at siferin.
They'd do a sum by a kinder short Dilworth quick as
a flash I always use a slate— it comes kinder natu-
ral to me; and I chalk'd her off* there the first day
and fiaur'd out nigh upon 100 pretty considerable tut
sums." There was more than three cart load of books
about us, and every one on 'em bigger than the Dea-
con's family Bible. And sich an etarnal batch ot hg-
erin I never see, and there wasn't a blot or scratch in
the whole on 'em.
I put a good many questions to Mr. Biddle, tor the
Gineral gin me a long string on 'em; and I thought
some would stagger him, but he answered them all jest
as glib as our boys in Downingville do the catakize,
from the chief ' eend of man,' clean through the peti-
tions—and he did it all in a mighty civil way too, ther
was only one he kinder tried to git round, and that
was— how he come to have so few of the Gineral s
folks among the Directors until very lately? ' Why,'
says he, ' Major, and Major,' says he (and then he got
274 ArPENDix.
up and tpok a pinch of snuff and offered me one) says
he, ' Major, the Bank knows no.party ; and in the first
go off, you know, the Gineral's friends were all above
matters of so little importance as Banks and Banking.
If we had put a branch in Downingville,' says he,
' the Gineral would not have had occasion to ask such
a question,' and with that he made me a bow; and I
went home and took dinner with him. It is plagy
curious to hear him talk about millions and thousands;
and I got as glib too at it as he is; and how on earth
I shall git back agin to ninepences and four-pence-
happenies, I can't tell.
Arter I had been figerin away there nigh upon a
week, and used up four or five slate pencils, and spit
my mouth as dry as a cob, rubbin out the sums as fast
as I did them, Iwrit to the Gineral, and tell'd him it was
no use; I could find no mistake; but so long as the
Bank was at work, it was pretty much like counting
a flock of sheep in a fall day when they are jest let
into a new stubble, for it was all the while crossing
and mixing, and the only way was, to lock up all the
Banks, and as fast as you can count 'em black their
noses.
' Now,' says I one day to Squire Biddle, ' I'll jest
take a look at your money bags, for they tell the Gin-
eral you han't got stuff enuf in the Bank to make him
a pair of spectacles; none of your rags,' says I, ' but
the real grit;' and with that he call'd two or three
chaps in Quaker coats, and they opened a large place
about as big as the ' east room' and sich a sight I
never see — boxes, bags and kags, all full, and should
say nigh upon a hundred cord. Says I, ' Squire
Biddle," what on earth is all this.? for I am stumped.'
*0,' says he, 'Major, that's our Safety Fund.'
' How you talk!' says I. ' Now,' says I, ' is that all
genwine?' ' Every dollar of it,' says he. ' Will you
count it. Major?' says he. 'Not to-day,' says I;
'but as the Gineral wants me to be particular, I'll
APPENDIX. ^"75
lest hussle some of 'em;' and at it I went, hammer
and file. It raly did me good for 1 did not think
there was so much real chink in all creation. So when
I got tired, I set down on a pile, and tooK ou my wd-
let and begun to count over some of the safety fund
notes I gotlhaved with on the grand towe. Here
says I, 'Squire Biddle, I have a small trifle I should
1^'e to' barter with you ; it's all ;' safety und,'' says
I • ' and Mr Van Buren's head is on most all on em.
But as soon as he put his eye on '^m, he shook h
head. I see he had his eye teeth cut Well, say. I,
' it's no matter;' but it lifted my dander considerable.
'Now,' says 1, 'Mr. Biddle, I've got one more
question to put to you, and then I'm through. You
say your bills are better than the hard dollars this
puzzles me, and the Gineral too Now, how is this?
^Vell,' says he, 'Major, I'll tell you: Suppose you
had a bushel of potatoes in Downingville, and you
wanted to send them to Washington, how much would
it cost to get them there?' ' Well,' says I, 'about
two shillinslawful-for I sent a barrel here to the
Gineral, last fall, and that cost me a dollar freight
' Well ' says he, ' suppose I've got potatoes in VVash-
incton'iest as good as yours, and I take your potatoes
in Downingville, and give you an order to receive a
bushel of potatoes in Washington, wouldn t you save
two shillins lawful by that? We sometimes charge,
<.avs he ' a trifle for drafts, when the places are dis-
tant but never as much as it would cost to carry the
dollars;' and with that we looked into the accounts
agin, and there it was. Says I, ' Squire Biddle, I see
it'^now as clear as a whistle.' i ,u r^-
When I cTot back to Washmgton, I found the Gin-
eral off- to the 'Rip Raps,' and so I arter him One
feller there tell'd me I couldn't go to the Rip Raps—
that the Gineral was there to keep off" business; but
. as soon as I told him who I was, he ordered a boat
and I paddled off".
276 APPENDIX.
The Gineral and I have talked over all the Bank
business; he says it is not best to publish my report,
as he wants it for the message; and it would only set
them Stockfish nibblin agin in Wall Street. I made
him stare when I tell'd him about the dollars I saw
there; and once and awhile he would rinkle his face
up like a ball of ravilins; and when I tell'd him Bid-
die would n't give me any of his ' Safety Fund' for
any of Mr. Van Buren's that I had with me, the
Gineral took out his wallet, and slung it more than
five rods into the brakers.
We are now pretty busy, fitting and jointing the
beams and rafters of the message; and if Mr. Van
Buren dont get back before we begin to shingle it,
I guess that his Safety Fund will stand but a poor
chance.
The Gineral don't care much about having his head
for a sign board, but says he, ' Major, when they put
my head on one eend of a Bank Bill, and Mr. Van
Buren's on tother eend, and " promise to pay Andrew
Jackson," and then blow up, it's too bad — I won't al-
low it — it shant be.' The Gineral says, if he allows
Amos Kendle to make his report about the State
Banks, it is but fair to let me publish mine about
Square Biddle's Bank. So I am getting mine ready.
We have a fine cool time here, and ain't bothered
with Office seekers; we can see 'em in droves all
along shore, waitin for a chance. One fellow swam
off* last night to get appointed to some office — the
Gineral thinks of making him minister to the King
of the Sandwich Islands, on account of their being
all good swimmers there. Yours,
J. DOWNING, Major, Downingville
Militia, 2d Brigade.
APPENDIX, 277
No. III.
Giving some account of Peleg BisseVs Churn.
Rip Raps, Aug. 17, 1833.
To the Editor of the JVeiv-York Daily Advertiser.
My Good Friend. — "The Government'' will lesive
here on Saturday, so you must tell all our friends to
stop sending any more letters here. We go strait to
Washington, to put things to rights there for winter.
I and the Gineral have got things now pretty con-
siderable snug; and it is raly curious to see how
much more easy and simple all the public affairs go
on than they did a spell ago, when Mr. Adams was
President. If it warnt for Congress meetinwe cou'd
jest go about pretty much where we pleased, and keep
things strait too: and I begin to think now with the
Gineral, that ater all, there is no great shakes in man-
agin the affairs of the nation. We have pretty much
all on us ben joggin about now since last grass; and
things are jest as strait and clear now as they was
then. The Gineral has nigh upon made up his mind,
that there is no use to have any more Congress. They
only bother us — they wou'd do more good to stay at
home, and write letters to us tellin what is goin on
among 'em at home. It would save a considerable
sum of money too; and I'm also sartin that there is a
plagy raft of fellows on wages that dont earn nothin.
Howsoever, we are goin on makin things more sim-
ple every day, and we once and a while nock off a
pretty considerable number of cogg wheels and trun-
nel heads.
The Gineral says he likes things simple as a mouse
trap. But what I like most is, he wont have no one
about him who outranks me, so there is me, and
24
278 APPENDIX.
Major Barry, and Major Smith, and Major Earl, and
Major Donaldson, and Major Lewis, and Major Ea-
ton; — and the major part of a pretty considerable of
a man to do the printing, and tell the folks where we
be, and once and a while where the land sales and
contracts be too. There is enuff on us to do all that's
wanted. Every day jest ater breakfast, the Gineral
lights his pipe, and begins to think pretty hard, and I
and Major Donaldson begin to open letters for him;
and there is more than three bushels every day, and
all the while coming. We dont git through more than
a bushel a day; and never trouble long ones, unless
they come from Mr. Van Buren, or Mr. Kindle, or
some other of our great folks. Then we sort 'em out,
jest as Zekel Bigelow does the mackerel at his Pack-
in Yard, for tho' there are plagy many more sorts
than he finds among fish, we ony make three sorts,
and keep three big baskets, one marked ' not red,*
another ' red, and worth nothin,' and another ' red,
and to be answered.' And then all the Gineral has
to do is to say, ' Major, I reckon we best say so
and so to that,' and I say 'jest so,' or not, as the no-
tion takes me — and then we go at it.
We keep all the Secretaries, and the Vice Presi-
dent, and some District Atlornys, and a good many
more of our folks, and Amos Kindle, moving about;
and they tell us jest how the cat jumps. And as I
said afore, if it warnt for Congress meetin once a
year, we'd put the Government in a one horse wagon
and go jest where we liked.
The Gineral was amazingly tickled t'other day.
Peleg Bissel — (you know Peleg, who is all the while
whitlin, and sawin, and makin clocks, and apple par-
ers, and churns, and lives nigh Seth Sprague's School
house, down to Downingville,) well, Peleg sent the
Gineral a new churn of his own invention; and he
calls it the ' Jackson Churn,' he wants a patent for it.
The cute critur says, in his letter to the Gineral, that
APPENDIX. 279
that are churn is jest like his government — its ony
got one wheel, and a smasher; and that it will make
more butter than any other churn, and out of eny
most anything. The Gineral is so well pleased with
it, he will set and turn it nearly all day. Says he,
* Major, I like this ere churn amazingly, that Bissel
is a knowin fellow. If that churn had been made by
Congress, it would have more than fifty wheels and
springs, and make no more butter ater all. Major,'
says he, ' tell Peleg I thank him; and send him a pa-
tent.'
And so I did; and I telled him in the letter, that
the Gineral would keep his churn in the hall of the
white house, to let folks see that it did n't require as
many cog wheels to make butter as they think on, and
then when they come up chamber, in the Cabinet
Room, and find ony me and the President, they '11 un-
derstand it the better. When the Gineral come to
sign this letter, 'well,' says he, 'Major, that's just
what I was thinkin on. We get every day an ever-
lastin bach of letters from Mr. Van Buren and Amos
Kindle, and they are so plagy jagged, that we cant
make 'em fit exactly with some others, eny most as
jagged, from the South and West, and all from our
folks too. One wants one thing, and one wants t'oth-
er. Some of our folks down South say, if the Bank
is put down, we shall all be split up into splinters
there. And jest so, ony t'other way, they say, we
shant find in a week any of our folks north if the
Bank is re chartered, and some talk of the Nulhfiers
in Georgia going for ]\Ir. Van Buren, and that ^ve
must look out sharp, and not do nothin agin 'em.
And some say that are tower of Mr. Webster away
West, and his speeches, bother some on 'em plagily.
I was a little stumped for a spell myself; and I tell'd
the Gineral, says I ' Gineral, if you expect me to
satisfy all these folks, you're mistaken, we cant do
it,' says I. 'Well then,' says he, ' we must send for
280 APPENDIX.
Mr. Van Buren.' This kinder nettled me, and says
I, ' Gineral, you ha'nt forgot that are churn already'
— 'no, no,' says he, 'we'll stick to that Major.'
' Well then,' says I, ' do you think that Mr, Van Bu-
ren will use that are churn? he keeps his bread but-
tered,' says I, * by more wheels than that are churn's
got.' ' Well Major,' says the Gineral, ' he is a plagy
curious critter, ater all — he'll make wheels turn some-
times right agin one another, yet he gits along — and
when he lets his slice fall, or some one nocks it out of
his hand, it always somehow falls butter side up' —
' well,' says I, ' Gineral, dont you know why? ' ' not
exactly,' says he, ' Major' — ' well, 'says I, — ' I'll tell
you— he butters both sides at once,' says I. The
Gineral drew his face all into a rumple for about a
minute, and then he snorted right out.
The Gineral talks of goin to the Hermitage next
spring — he says he thinks he has done enuf for the
country — and I think so too — he says I may go along
with him or stay and lend Mr. Van Buren a hand —
we'll say something about this in the Message.
Yours as before,
J. DOWNING, Major.
Dovningville Militia, 2d Brigade.
No. IV.
The Public Crib at Washington.
Washington, August 30, 1833.
To Mr. Divight-^JVeiv-York Daily Advertiser.
Ml GOOD OLD Friend — Ever since we got ' the
Gove nment' back here from the Rip Raps, we have
been 3 busy as if we was all on us cocking hay jist
afore i shower.
APPENDIX. 281
I tell'd you some time ago that I and the Gineral
was fittin and jointin the beams and rafters of the
message, but almost every day some plaguy new mo-
tion comes in from Mr. Van Buren, and some other
of our folks, and we have to chizzle new mortises, and
run new braces and string pieces, so that I begin to
think it will look curious enuf when its done. The
Gineral says he dont care how it fronts, only he is
determined to show a sharp corner to the NuUifiers.
We shall have a good deal to say about the Grand
Tower; there is nothin since the 8th of January
at New-Orleans tickles the Gineral half so much.
Every time we talk about it, the Gineral gits right
up, and says he, ' Major, I ony wish I was fifty years
younger, and then,' says he, 'give me the yankees
east of Horse Neck, and I'd like no better sport than
to have nullification all over the rest of creation.'
When things dont go right, and the Gineral gits a
little wrathy, if I ony tell him the yankees are ready
to back him, he is as firm as granite. It would make
you crawl all over to read that letter we writ to
France, when we come to hear that the King there
kinder shuffled round that bill we drawed on him.
' He wont pay it, wont he? ' Says he — ' Major, what
do you think of that }' — 'why,' says I, ' Gineral, I
think its a nasty mean action — and a rascally one
too, says I.' 'Well,' says he, 'that's enuff*,' — and
then we writ the letter, — its jest like Zekel Bigelow's
speech — it cuts, shaves, and makes the hair fly — and
if it dont bring the money, I'm mistaken.
If Mr. Livingston had stayd one week longer in
York, the Gineral was for sending me right out.
The most curious part of ' the Government' here,
is to manage the office seekers. You see, things aint
now as they was afore Mr. Van Buren 's time, then
it was kinder divided round among the Departments.
The Post Master Gineral appointed all the Post
Masters and their folks. The Secretary of the
282
APPENDIX.
Treasury appointed all the folks in the Custom
Houses, and all folks who collected money. These
two had an everlastin batch of fellers to appint, and
made them feel pretty considerable big, and then the
War Secretary had a good slice in appinting the ca-
dets, and Ingen Agents, and all the contracts was
kinder sifted round among the Departments; and so
by the time a new President was to be made, some
of these Secretaries was aleetle bigger than the Pres-
ident himself. Now this is the way they kinder jock-
ied Mr. Adams, who got to be the smallest man at
Washington, by lettin other folks plant his corn, and
do his huskin; and afore he knowd it, his own held
was all in weeds — and theirs well bowed, rich and
clean as a whistle.
But things aint so now, we've got ony one crib,
and that's awhappin one too, and ony one door to it;
and when we shell out our corn, we take good care
and know well who gets it, and where he is going to
plant it; and that aint all — we make 'em agree about
the Huskin Frolic * for that's the best ont arter all.
The longer I am in ' the Government ' the more
I larn. But I must allow that of all the inventions
I've hearn on of Mr. Van Buren's, this is about the
slickest.
There is ony one thing wantin, and that he is tryin
for pretty hard — and that is the Bank. If he can ony
get that in the crib too, Virginy fences would n't
stop our cattle.
Ony think what an everlastin raft of fellows we
should have — all the Presidents and Cashiers, and
Clerks, and Money Counters, about the crib, from
Downingville to New-Orleans! — and that aint the
best ont; we would have a branch alongside every
post office to keep our postages safe.
* The Major, we presume, means the Elections, or Hustings^
by this metaphor.
APPENDIX. 283
I should like this well enuf if I was sartin I and
the Gineral and Mr. Van Buren was to be here all
the while, to keep a good look out on the crib door.
But the Gineral talks of goin hum to put the Hermit-
age to rights; and I am in the notion that Congress
is a leetle too strong for ' the Government' when the
Gineral aint in it — and I shall go with him. I am
eny most fag'd out myself, and I begin to think with
the Gineral, I have done enuf for the country.
We are lookin for Amos Kindle now every hour.
He writ the Gineral tother day, and teld him my
' Bank Report' warn't true, and that I must have got
a loan of Squire Biddle. Now that's jist the way
with some folks. What they dont know they guess
at; and it's jist so with old Miss Crane, who keeps
the tavern this side Downingville — ^jist as sure as any
one goes by without stopping, the old critur says,
* There goes so and so, and has got no money, too,
and he knows I would n't trust him.'
Howsumever, no one can make the Gineral rathy
with me. He knows I am the best friend about him;
whenever they gets things in any kind of a twist or
a snarl, says he, ' Major, do you unravel that. I'm
the big wheel and you are the smasher,' says he; and
then we jist give Peleg Bissel's churn a turn or two
and all is right.
You don't print my letters right — you git some
words wrong and spell 'em bad. Jist so the printers
sarved the Gineral s letters too; and folks thought
he didn't know nothin, till we got to Cambridge,
where they made a doctor on him.
Your friend,
J. DOWNING, Major,
Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade.
284
APPENDIX.
No. V.
Preparation of the Message
Washington, 2d Nov. 1833.
To my old friend, Mr. Dwighf, of the J^few York
Daily Advertiser.
The Congressmen are jest beginnin to arrive here,
and I suppose in a short time we shall have them here
as thick as huckleberries; and the Gineral is brushin
round now, and says the Message must be finished
and painted offhand, and we are all as busy as bees
in gittin it dove tailed together; and after next week,
the Gineral says, there cant be any more alterations.
It is the first message I ever had any hand in; and
tho' I say it, I guess you will say it is about as com-
plete a thing as ever was sent express any where.
I have been to work on it ever since we was at the
Rip Raps; and tho' it has been sometimes all pulled
to bits, to git in some notions we did n't think on, yet
it will look pritty slick, I tell you when it's done;
and we will lay on paint enuf to kiver up all the
cracks and seams.
We shall give a pritty good lick at the Bank, and
won't leave as much on 't standing as would make a
good sized oven. It is curious now to see how easy
it is to build up, or nock all to bits, any thing on pa-
per. Now jest see about the Bank. There it stands
in Chestnut street, with its hundred cord of specie,
and its cart load of books; and its branches here and
there, and all busy and full of clarks, and directors,
and folks in Europe, and all about creation dealin
with it; and the brokers in Wall street all busy about
it; and Biddle's bills goin about, and most folks
APPENDIX. 285
thinkin they are better than hard dollars; and all the
old men and women holdin the stock, supposin it will
go up agin as high as they paid for it; and I and the
Gineral, and Amos Kindle, and Mr. Van Buren,
talkin over it; and one line in the Message nocks it
all into kindlin wood. For you see when ' the Gov-
ernment' says a thing must be jest so! there is no help
for it. We can't stand to chat about trifles. The
Gineral has smashed three pipes the last time we
talked about it. ' Biddle and the Bank must be
smashed,' says he, ' Major;' — and so smash they go,
Congress or no Congress,
The next thing was the Ingins. Here the Gineral
is at home, and I don't pretend to say nothin for I
never did like an Ingin, and never can. The Cher-
okees give us a good deal of trouble in Georgia last
year; but the Gineral took sides with Georgia, be-
cause he had a good many friends there, and Mr. Van
Buren had too; for that State was the ony one that
nominated him Vice-President a spell ago; and if he
had got in there, and Mr. Crawford President, who
was ailin all over with some plagy applephxy — I and
the Gineral would never have been hearn on arter-
wards. But no matter — the Gineral says he didn't
make that treaty with the Cherokees; and it was
made so long ago, he has enymost forgot it: and
treaties oughtent to last forever. But this treaty with
the Creeks in Alabama he did make, and he knows
all about it ; and he means to stand by it, and turn all
the squatters off the land in Alabama, jest as they
wanted him to do in Georgia; but he would n't.
There is trouble enuf about it, I tell you; and you
dont know nothing about it in York. But the Gin-
eral is tickled to death about it; and as soon as he
saw the Proclamation of the Governor of Alabama,
you never see a critur so spruced up as the Gineral
was. Major, says he, we shall have another Nullifi-
cation this Congress, arter all. You need 'nt say
286 APPENDIX.
much about it, says he, in the Message, — we'll keep
that for a Proclamation. Well, says I, Gineral, you
are a master hand at gettin into trouble. But, says
he, IMajor, aint I a master one in gittin out of one,
says he.^
We've got an old trunk up chamber, full of troubles
— old Laws, and Treaties, and Contracts, and State
Claims; and whenever we want any powder, all
we 've got to do is to open that, and look among old
papers and get up a row in no time. The Gineral
likes this a leetle better than I do; for the most of
the labor falls on me, and the ony way I can git rid
of it, is to make our folks down stairs do it, if I see
it gives any of 'em a boost with his party — for I dont
care nothin about any thing here but the Gineral; and
if I can git him threw this Congress, its pretty much
all I care about, and he too; for ater that I'm goin
with him to the Hermitage, for I expect by that time
there wont be much more left of us than our beards
and shoe strings.
Your friend, J. DOWNING, Major,
Downingville Militia, 2d Brigade.
No. VI.
Sir George Downing.
Some account of Sir George Downing of London, sup-
posed to be one of Major Doivnhig^s ancestors.
From the New York Daily Advertiser.
The Downings. — The celebrity of Major Jack
Downing has created an intense and very natural
curiosity in the public mind to know something of his
origin and ancestry. Hoping that some of the down-
APPENDIX.
287
east antiquaries and genealogists will favor the world
with the information desired, I submit to your dis-
posal the following imperfect notice of Sir George
Downing, one of the IMajor's ancestors, which I have
drawn from an interesting and learned work now in a
course of publication, in numbers, entitled ' Memorial
of the graduates of Harvard University, in Cam-
brido;e, Mass. Commencing with the first class,
1G42. By John Farmer, Cor. Sec. of the N. H.
Hist. Society.
George Downing v/as born in London in 1624, and
accompanied his parents to this country when about
thirteen years of age. His father, Emanual Down-
ing, a great friend of New England, was brother-in-
law to John Winthrop, one of the principal founders
and first governor of Massachusetts. George receiv-
ed his education at Harvard College. About 1646
he returned to England, when he was soon brought
into notice, being, as Gov. Winthrop says, ' a very
able scholar, and of ready wit and fluent utterance.'
He was appointed chaplain in the regiment of Col.
John Okey, in the army of Lord Fairfax, who had
command of the Parliament forces in the north. In
1653 he was commissary general, and about the same
time scout-master-general of the English army in
Scotland. In the same year he v/as employed in ne-
gotiations with the Duke of Savoy. He seems to
have been fitted by nature for scenes of political ma-
noeuvering; and his principles were of such flexible
character, that he could easily accommodate them to
any service which the times required.
In 165-5 he visited the French king on public busi-
ness, and communicated his instructions in Latin.
In 1657 he was appointed minister to Holland. In
March, 1662, while in that country, in order to show
his zeal and love for his majesty, he procured the ar-
rest of John Okey, Miles Corbet, and John Bark-
stead, three of the Judges who had condemned to
288 APPENDIX.
death Charles I., and sent them to England for trial.
Okey had been the friend of Downing, who served in
his regiment as chaplain. With the other two he had
co-operated in the cause of the Parliament. His
conduct, therefore, in this transaction, was justly
reprobated.
He also spake of Cromwell as a traitor and rebel.
In 1663, he was created a baronet. He informed
Pepys that, when in Holland, ' he had so good spys,
that he hath had the keys taken out of De Witt's
(the Dutch minister) pocket when he was abed, and
his closet opened and papers brought to him and left
in his hands for an hour, and carried back and laid in
the place again, and the keys put into his pocket.
He says he hath had their most private debates, that
have been between but two or three of them, brought
to him, and in an hour after that hath sent word
thereof to the king.' In 1671, he was again sent to
Holland, but returning before he had executed the
business of his mission to the satisfaction of the king,
was imprisoned in the tower. He was afterwards
restored to royal favor. In the difficulties which the
New England colonies had with Charles II., from
1669, Mr. Downing was represented as having been
very friendly to Massachusetts. He died in 1624 at
the age of 60.
Major Jack Downing, of Downingville, seems to
have inherited his distinguished ancestor's talents for
war, business, and diplomacy, and, like him, to pos-
sess ready wit and fluent utterance, and to bask in
the sunshine of royal favor. Whether he resembles
him in other respects, time must disclose.
THE END.
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