INCEYS ESS IONS COPY] Pi 1 iL TITLE r’7 5*.'^ "i I THE LIBRARY OF THE UNIVERSITY OF NORTH CAROLINA DIALECTIC AND PHILANTHROPIC SOCIETIES PRU53U .c6^ 1896 This book is due at the LOUIS R. WILSON LIBRARY on the last date stamped under “Date Due.” If not on hold it may be renewed by bringing it to the library. DATE DUE RET. DATE DUE RET. CELL’S ENGLISH :lassics. ;ONFESSIONS OF AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EATER Digitized by the Internet Archive in 2020 with funding from University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill https://archive.org/details/dequinceysconfesOOdequ 1 DE QUINCEY’S ' . / . CCd I 87-Y lONFESSIONS OF AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EATER WITH INTRODUCTION AND NOTES BY MARK HUNTER, B.A., OxoN., PRINCIPAL OF THE COIMBATORE COLLEGE LONDON GEORGE BELL & SONS AND BOMBAY 1896 CO^^TEOTS. PAGK Introduction— I. Thomas de Quincey, . . . . vii II. De Quincey’s Writings, . . • III. The Confessions, . . . • xxxi IV. The Daughter of Lebanon, . . . xlvii V. De Quincey and Opium, . . . li Preface to Edition of 1822, .... Lxvii Preface to Edition of 1856, .... lx:xii The Confessions of an English Opium-Eater, . 1 The Daughter of Lebanon, . . . • Appendices to Text, . . ■ ■ • Notes, Appendix to Notes, ..... '^^2 ^ Index, . . . • • • ERRA TUM. On page 114, place as note : Vacuus : I am afraid, though many a year has passed since I last read Juvenal, that the true classical sense of vacuiis is careless^ clear from^ all harden of anxiety, so that vacuitas will be the result of immunity from robbery. But suffer me to understand it in the sense of free from the burden of iiroperty ; in which sense vacuitas would be the cause of such an immunity. INTRODUCTION. I. THOMAS DE QUINCEY. The story of the earlier, and, in some respects, far more important part of De Quincey’s life has been told by him¬ self, partly in his Confessions of an English Opium-Eater, and partly in a series of autobiographical sketches con¬ tributed to an Edinburgh periodical.^ There are, besides, scattered throughout De Quincey’s other writings, many passages of an autobiographical character. De Quincey lived to the age of seventy-four, busily work¬ ing to the close ; and yet a full three-quarters of his life furnishes the biographer with little beyond a catalogue of more or less fugitive writings, frequent notices of change ■of residence, two or three domestic occurrences, and a miscellany of anecdotes characteristic of the personality and eccentricities of the man. De Quincey’s autobiographical writings cover the first twenty-three years of his life (1785-1808). During that period, and for some time afterwards, he produced no original literary work. The work comes later, but the whole nature of the work was determined by the circumstances of the earlier life. Something like this is, of course, true with all ^ The autobiographical writings of De Quincey make up the first three volunres of Masson’s Collected Edition. DE QUINCEY. viii men. In all cases the child is, in a sense, “ the father of the man,” hut with De Quincey it is true in a quite peculiar sense, and for the following reasons :— (1) The most prominent features in De Quincey’s genius were shaped by the unique circumstances of his childhood and youth. He came into the world with certain inherited physical ailments, which were aggravated by particular episodes in his boyhood; more especially did the period that intervened between the close of his school education and his matriculation at Oxford—a period spent in lonely wanderings on the Welsh hillsides, and afterwards in a sort of vagabond existence in the streets of London — bring about a species of extreme bodily suffering, from which refuge was afterwards found in opium-eating. Add to this a peculiar precociousness in the boy from earliest childhood; a capacity, far above the common, for receiving and retain¬ ing impressions ; add to this an almost painful craving for love and sympathy ; the death of a dearly-loved sister; an elder brother, selfish, exacting and tyrannical; a father lost before he could be said to have been known; a mother who, in spite of many admirable qualities, seems never to have understood her son; guardians who, blind or indifferent, persisted in doing exactly the wrong thing by their ward. (2) Until the age of thirty-five De Quincey published nothing. With the exception of a metrical translation of an ode of Horace, written when he was fifteen, we have in Do Quincey’s writings nothing of the nature of “Juvenilia,” When De Quincey appeared before the i^ublic as a man of letters, he had reached the turning point of the allotted three-score years and ten : his knowledge was multifarious and extensive ; his opinions and tastes, the whole bent of his mind and feelings, were thoroughly formed ; and his literary powers were also practically developed to the full. Thus, in a review of his actual work, extending as it does over nearly forty years, we have no development to trace, either INTRODUCTION. IX in the external qualities of style or in the more important internal qualities of thought or predominant feeling. That is to say, whether regarded as thinker or artist, De Quincey advances little or not at all beyond the standard of his earliest works. The subject varies infinitely ; the method and treatment remain much the same. (3) Another reason lies in the peculiar nature of the work itself. With nothing to record as to development of thought or artistic skill, there might still have remained some history as to the form in which the early period of receptiveness reproduced itself, and periods might have been marked off in which such and such works were prepared and executed. We can do this with regard to most great authors; but De Quincey is again peculiar. A chrono¬ logical list of his writings can be, and indeed has been, drawn up; but it remains a catalogue, and nothing more, De Quincey produced no single great Avork. Only two of his Avritings appeared at first in book form, one a novel of no great value, and the other a short treatise on Political Economy. “ He may be said, ” remarks his editor and biographer, Professor Masson, “ to have taken his place in our literature as the author of a hundred and fifty magazine articles.” These articles vary to an extraordinary degree, both as regards subject and character. But, seemingly, subject and character are controlled not at all by the date of composition, or, if at all, only through circumstances Avhich are purely accidental, and which are, for the most part, un¬ known. Almost every year betAA^een 1821 and 1859 has its article or articles assigned to it, but there is nothing in the date Avhich appears to have determined the nature of the article, and nothing in the nature of the article Avhich would enable us to determine the date. The life of De Quincey has been related by Dr A. H. Japp, and again by Professor Masson. To their volumes the student must be referred for anything approaching a X DE QUINCEY. ■detailed narrative. Only the merest sketch can be at¬ tempted here. The family of De Quincey was originally noble. An ancestor of the opium-eater “ came over with the Con¬ queror : ” afterwards certain De Quinceys are found Earls of Winchester, and made some small or great noise in the Barons’ War and the Crusades. But these Earls of Win¬ chester, as De Quincey tells us, “ suddenly came to grief; ” in fact, the family sank considerably in the world’s estimation. The aristocratic prefix “De” appears to have been dropped, and the author’s father signed his name and was known amongst his acquaintances as plain Thomas Quincey.^ This Thomas Quincey married a Miss Elizabeth Benson, a lady of very good family connections. There were eight children by this marriage, of whom Thomas, the fifth child and the second son, was born on the 15th of August 1785, at Manchester. At the age of six, De Quincey lost that elder sister Elizabeth, to whom he was so devotedly attached, and whose death made so strange an impression on the child’s mind. Shortly afterwards the family removed to Greenhay, a place at that time some miles distant from Manchester, but long since swallowed up in the great manufacturing city. Not long after, the elder Thomas Quincey died. The education of De Quincey, after the elementary stage of home instruction, was entrusted to a private tutor. In the child’s twelfth year the De Quinceys removed to Bath, and De Quincey entered the Bath Grammar School. Other changes followed. In 1798 he was sent to a private school at Winkfield in Wiltshire, and, at the end of 1800, to the Manchester Grammar School, where he remained till July 1802. ^ In his boyish letters De Quincey always signs himself “ Thomas Quincey ”; the “ De ” appears to have been re-assumed by his mother. INTRODUCTION. XI De Quincey easily excelled in the various branches of knowledge imparted at school. He obtained a singular mastery over the Greek and Latin languages. He showed a remarkable facility in the composition of Latin verse, and he tells us that he acquired the power of writing and epeaking Greek with fluency—a very rare accomplishment in a schoolboy, or, for the matter of that, in any one. But he was not content with the knowledge and acquirements demanded by the standard of a public school education ; he struck out a line for himself, and early became ac¬ quainted, amongst other things, with the literature of his own country, even in its byways. He was throughout his life a voracious and omnivorous reader. Southey, a com¬ petent judge on such matters, once declared him to be the best informed man for his years he had ever met. Manchester Grammar School, for more than one reason, proved unendurable to De Quincey. He earnestly en¬ treated his mother and guardians to remove him. His prayers were unheard; and so, unable to bear the torment any more (his health was breaking down), he took the bold course of running away. One evening he appeared at Chester, where his family had now taken up their quarters. On the advice of his uncle. Captain, afterwards Colonel, Penson, at that time staying with his sister, Mrs De Quincey, the truant was, as he himself desired, suffered to go on a walking tour in Wales, and a guinea a week was allowed him to support existence as best he might. Accordingly, from July to November, De Quincey wandered about Wales. The guinea a week proved miser¬ ably insufficient; the boy was obliged to undergo the severest privations, and the result was a permanent injury to his constitution. Worse still; in an evil hour he formed the resolution to cut himself adrift from his family and plunge into London. Then followed greater suffering : hunger, wanderings by xii DE QUINCEY. night and day about the London streets, intense bodily pain and sickness. This is the period of his life (Manchester Grammar School, the Welsh wanderings, and the vagabondism in London) which is recounted in The Confessions of an English Opium-Eater, for it was then that the disease, apparently hereditary, was aggravated to such an extent that the only possible refuge waS found in the consumption —sometimes in enormous quantities—of opium. Bitter as these experiences were to the boy himself, painful as were the consequences in after years, they have served to enrich English literature with some of its most magnificent “ impassioned prose.” Without the sufferings, without the oj)ium, De Quincey’s contribution to literature might have been as great as it is, might have been even greater; but it could not have been exactly the same. The boy of seventeen assuredly “ went down into hell ” in those terrible London days, and he carried with him through life an ever present remembrance of that vision of darkness visible.^ At last an accident, the exact nature of which we do not know, restored him for a while to his family, and, in 1803, he was sent to Oxford and matriculated at Worcester College. At Oxford he remained —apparently— till 1807, when, in the midst of his final examination, and with the certainty of a triumphant success before him, he suddenly and unaccountably left. While at Oxford, in addition to the prescribed course of Latin and Greek, De Quincey had further pursued his studies in English literature, had mastered German, and ^ Compare Carlyle’s recollection of him:—“Blue-eyed, blonde¬ haired, sparkling face,—^had there not been a something too, which said, ‘ Eccovi, this child has been in hell.’ ”— Carlyle's lieminiscences, ed. Norton, ii. 153. INTRODUCTION. xin had plunged into German metaphysics. It was also during the Oxford period that De Quincey first learnt to take opium. At the age of twenty-one he had entered upon a moderate fortune, and was under no necessity of working for his living. Accordingly, for two years, he seems to move hither and thither as his fancy bade him. Sometimes he is to he found in London, •sometimes in the Lake Country, sometimes in Bath and the West of England, He had made the acquaintance of various men of letters, amongst whom the most conspicuous were Charles Lamb, Coleridge, Wordsworth, Southey, and John Wilson. In 1809 he took up his abode at Grasmere in Westmore¬ land, in a cottage recently vacated by Wordsworth. This cottage remained his home for twenty-one years. About four years afterwards a pecuniary calamity, the nature of which is nowhere definitely stated, fell upon De Quincey. He appears to have been partially relieved by the liberality of the Colonel Penson already mentioned. Simultaneously, his constitutional malady induced him to resort to excessive opium-eating. It was at this time, he tells us, that he became a “ regular and confirmed opium- •“eater.” His worst experience, however, of the “ pains of opium ” was to follow some years later. Meantime the metaphysical studies went on ; and a great work on ethics shadowed itself in his mind—never to be realised. In these years he seems to have visited London occasionally, and was once in Edinburgh, where the last years of his life were to be spent. Still, De Quincey is merely a scholar ; a student known to some eminent persons as a man of extensive information and wide reading, and as a verv brilliant talker : to the outside world not known at all. In 1816 De Quincey married. His wife was a Miss Margaret Simpson, daughter of a Westmoreland farmer, or XIV DE QUINCEY. “ statesman.” She bore him eight children, five of whom^ survived him. She herself died in 1837. The marriage appears to have been in every respect a happy one—save for the opium spell; for, soon afterwards, there followed an outburst of opium-eating. De Quincey was utterly incapaci¬ tated from all work, “ wound round,” as he describes it, “ by some Circean spell.” He was visited nightly by the most fearful dreams. He dreaded the night, for night brought sleep, and sleep brought the dreams. These dreams play a great part in De Quincey’s impassioned imaginative writings. Especially he has described them in the Confes¬ sions, and in the “ prose phantasies ” entitled The Glory of Motion and the Dream Fugue. From this “ Circean spell ” De Quincey was liberated in a somewhat curious fashion. He chanced upon the writ¬ ings of the economist David Eicardo, and conceived an extraordinary enthusiasm for Eicardo and his gospel: he even projected a great work himself upon the same subject. This work was destined never to see the light. Instead of it we have, at intervals, various essays on Political Economy, being chiefly elucidations and expositions of Eicardo’s theories, particularly of his theory of Value. These essays, however, were still in the future. Meantime, necessity drove De Quincey to write. In 1819 he obtained the editorship of the Westmoreland Gazette, a newly established paper. He held the editor¬ ship for one year only. Next year he was in Edinburgh, looking for work in connection with the Magazines. But it was London, not Edinburgh, in which De Quincey was to make his first appearance as a literary power of unquestioned importance. In 1821, in The London Magazine, there appeared The Confessions of an English Opium-Eater. The London Magazine at this time numbered amongst its contributors several who have since taken their places amongst the immortals. Month by INTRODUCTION. xv month were appearing the Elia Essays of Charles Lamb. Keats had sent verses; Hood was a sort of sub-editor; and Carlyle was publishing in separate parts his first consider¬ able work, The Life of Friedrich Schiller. The Confessions achieved an immediate success. Had the popularity obtained by writings of the kind equalled in extent the popularity of a successful novel to-day, De Quincey’s fortune would have been made. As it was, he could henceforth rely upon steady work from the editors of magazines. Accordingly from this date, almost to his death, each year bears with it its quota of periodical literature from De Quincey’s pen. He wrote, as has been said, on almost every conceivable subject. Little, there¬ fore, is gained by cataloguing his essays, nor is it easy to single out a few for special mention, since, although some certainly are either slight in aim or not very successful in result, the large majority, both as regards matter and manner, possess great importance. A glance at the contents of the fourteen volumes, forming Masson’s new and admir¬ able edition of his works, will impress us sufficiently with the wide range of De Quincey’s contribution to literature. At first The London Magazine received most of his work. Then, in 1826, he began to contribute to the Edinburgh periodical, Blackioood’s Magazine. From that time Edin¬ burgh, and, occasionally, Glasgow, gave his writings to the world ; and De Quincey, without a particle of Scotch blood in his composition, or of Scotch feeling in his heart, takes his place amongst the Scotch literati. In 1830 De Quincey finally severed his connection with the Lakes, and took up his abode permanently in, or in the vicinity of Edinburgh. Besides his work for Blackwcod, De Quincey wrote a number of articles for Tails Magazine, and afterwards for Hogg's Instructor, and contributed several biographies to the Encyclopeedia Britannica. About 1851, De Quincey being between sixty and seventy XVI DE QUINCEY. years of age, Mr Hogg, the proprietor of The Instructor, conceived the idea of publishing an edition of De Quincey’s collected works. An American publisher had anticipated him. De Quincey was induced to fall in with the scheme, and, from this time to his death, he was mainly occupied in collecting, revising, and enlarging his widely-scattered writings. Thirteen volumes appeared during his life, and the fourteenth, prepared by himself, in the year following his death.i Meanwhile, De Quincey’s family was breaking up. His w’ife had died in 1837 ; of his five sons three were dead and the other two abroad; two of his three daughters were married; the youngest, Emily, lived generally either with her married sister in Ireland or in De Quincey’s cottage at Lasswade, near Edinburgh. De Quincey himself, in order to he within convenient reach of the press, had found it necessary to take rooms in Edinburgh itself ] and he passed his time between the Lasswade cottage and the Edinburgh rooms. Latterly, however, he was compelled to live almost entirely in Edinburgh, and there, in his lodgings at 42 Lothian Street, on the 8th of January 1859, he died. Two of his daughters were with him to the end, and one of them has told the story of her father’s last hours.^ 11. DE QUINCEY’S WRITINGS. In considering the contribution of De Quincey to litera¬ ture, the first thing that strikes us is the extraordinary ^ The first collected edition contained fourteen volumes. In 1861 the copyright passed to Messrs A. & C. Black, who issued a fifteenth volume, and a sixteenth in 1871. In 1889-1890 Masson’s fourteen volume edition appeared. This contains all that the sixteen volume edition contained, and some other pieces, together with highly useful notes and introductory essays. A few later De Quincey papers have been published by Mr T. Hogg in his “Uncollected Writings of Thomas De Quincey,” and a few more are still un¬ collected. 2 See Japp, Dc Quincey's Life and Writings, pp. 450-451. INTRODUCTION. xvii range and extent of liis writings. A “ Polyhistor,” Masson calls him ;—one who knew and wrote about everything. No eminent man of letters, perhaps, has ever come to his task armed with so large an amount of information ; with such wide-spread and minute knowledge of so many subjects ; with such familiarity with so many branches of literature. De Quincey gives us the impression of having been a specialist in everything, and in everything at the same time. In history he is equally at home in ancient, mediaeval, and modern ages ; and he writes, and writes learnedly, as one thoroughly acquainted with original authorities and the latest modern theories. He travels not only over the highways of history, but also in the byways. He can discourse, not only on Herodotus and Tacitus and Michelet, on Cicero and Caesar and Joan of Arc, but on such out of the way subjects as the Essenes and the Rosicrucians, and such minute archaeological topics as Roman dinners and breakfasts, and the toilette of a Hebrew lady. In the literatures of Greece and Rome he w'as a finished scholar, as his essays on Homer, on Hero¬ dotus, on Greek tragedy, on Style and Rhetoric, abundantly show. In modern European literature he shows the same amazing omniscience ; he writes of German poets, philo¬ sophers and literati ,—he has not even neglected obscure German novelists ; he is familiar with the classics of France and Spain ; he has mastered Danish, and can prove the Danish origin of the lake-country dialect. His knowledge of English literature is minute and profound, and there is hardly a great or even second-rate English writer with whose Avorks he does not show himself thoroughly familiar. He knows the literature of the past, and he keeps pace with the literature of the present. He was one of the first who made English readers acquainted with German thought and German literature; he translated pieces of varying importance from Kant, Richter, Tieck, as well as h DE QUINCEY. xvlii from others whose names are less familiar. He has wandered far into the deep forests of philosophy : he ex¬ pounds Kant and criticises Plato. Science, too, is not neglected. Political economy was for a while a specially cultivated held ; he has papers on the theory of states- craft, as well as on contemporary and practical politics. He was a gladiator in the arena of theological controversy. He writes biographies of eminent persons of the past, and reminiscences of eminent contemporaries. He wrote one novel and several shorter tales—one of especial excellence—; and there remaini^ besides, his “impassioned prose”—of which branch of literature he declares himself the solitary exponent—his Confessions, his English Mail Coach, and his Suspiria de Profundis. Moreover, his works teem with allusions and references to every branch of knowledge, and his footnotes often bear evidence of much exact scholarship and much curious research. Such then, roughly, are the contents of De Quincey’s “ hundred and fifty magazine articles ; ” and, if there is variety in the subject, so also, in the same degree, is there variety in the treatment. De Quincey more than once insists upon a distinction between what he calls the Literature of Power and the Literahire of Knotoledge. The last seeks merely to instruct —(he instances a cookery book); the first seeks to move —(he instances Milton’s Paradise Lost). The cookery book aims at teaching us something new in every paragraph : Paradise Lost teaches us nothing ; its greatness consists in its power to move. The literature of knowledge appeals simply to the intellectual faculties; the literature of power to the emotions. Upon some such distinction, De Quincey attempted a classification of his own works. He added, however, a third class, a class which, seeking in the first place merely to amuse or interest the reader, rises, nevertheless, at times I Nr ROD UCTION. XIX into the character of “impassioned prose,” that is, into the literature of power. De Quincey’s distinction is a useful one for several pur¬ poses, but it fails as a basis on which to classify his own writings, or, indeed, the writings of any other master of prose. The literature of power, pure and simple—that literature from which the idea of instruction is entirely absent, is limited almost entirely to poetry, and, perhaps, prose fiction: the literature of knowledge, pure and simple —literature which entirely abstains from all attempts to move, is limited perhaps altogether to dictionaries and technical manuals. Wherever a work has resort to eloquence, pathos, figurativeness, style, in short, there we have the literature of power, though the primary object may have been to instruct. Accordingly, Professor Masson, in his recent edition of Du Quincey’s Works, for the most part discards classifica¬ tion according to treatmeirt, and proceeds merely upon the commoner basis of subject. iSTevertheless, it is well to bear in mind De Quincey’s distinction, for, though it is impossible to rank all his writings under one or the other head, the distinction illustrates certain very marked qualities of De Quincey’s temperament. These qualities, as Dr Japp has pointed out, are :—(1) the logical, analytic faculty; and (2) the dreamy or purely imaginative faculty. Wide apart as these mental characteristics appear to be, they exist side by side in De Quincey: in both he excels. He is amongst the acutest of reasoners; he is amongst the most sublimely passionate of rhapsodists. Either faculty, it is true, has a dangerous tendency. The dreamy, imaginative propensity comes at times perilously near to morbid introspection; to an effeminacy of over-refined sensibility: the logical, argumentative propensity leads not seldom to “ hair-splitting,”—to what Carlyle called “ wire-drawn ingenuity.” XX DE QUINCE Y. Let us now very briefly glance at De Quincey’s contri¬ bution to literature under the following heads:-—(1) literary criticism ; (2) speculative writings ; (3) history; (4) auto¬ biography; (5) biography; (6) political papers; (7) purely imaginative prose; (8) novels and tales; (9) humorous writings. (1) De Quincey’s Literary Criticism is very valuable. His immense knowledge of literature, ancient and modern, his amazing memory, his keen analytic power and minute observation, give especial weight to his critical utterances. He is admirably free from all conventional and insincere enthusiasm. He refuses to accept on faith the superiority of Greek and Roman over modern literature, merely because few critics before him had ventured to deny it: he examines both on their own merits, and often decides in favour of the moderns, even when pitted against such claims as those of Homer and Demosthenes. Again, he is quick to detect and expose any fallacy of traditional criticism, criticism which has acquired through age a certain venerableness. His masterly examination of Pope’s claims to “ correctness,” and of Homer’s claim (in any transcendent degree) to sublimity, may serve as examples. Lastly, his taste is, on the whole, decidedly catholic. It was amongst the characteristics of those of De Quincey’s contemporaries whom he most admired—Wordsworth, Coleridge (the so-called Lakists)—to denounce the poets of the Annian Era and all their works. De Quincey, on the other hand, is remarkably just to these writers, and has done much to draw attention to those qualities in which they really excelled. Nevertheless, De Quincey has his own prejudices, and few competent judges have followed liim in his depreciation of Plato and of Goethe. (2) De Quincey’s Speculative Writings are often subtle and immensely “ clever,” but are, perhaps, not marked by any special depth. He seldom cares to go to the root of a INTRODUCTION. XXI matter, to dive down to great underlying principles. In fact, he appears to have no great strength of opinion on matters of vital importance. He expresses his adherence to certain great causes and systems of belief, often with considerable vehemence j but it is not4ihese that he is at pains to reason upon. A brilliant controversialist, he has small claim to he regarded as a great thinker. (3) In his Historical Essays he is hardly at his best, if we except the Revolt of the Tartars, which is, however, rather to be regarded as a “ study in historical narrative ” than a contribution to historical scholarship. De Quincey himself divides historical literature into three classes :—(1) pure narrative, i.e., a bare record of facts; (2) scenical history; (3) philosophical history.^ Of the first class De Quincey naturally has no example; the second is brilliantly exemplified in the Revolt of the Tartars, and in passages of Joan of Arc. To the third class belong most of his histori¬ cal papers, and here, as Professor Masson points out, he has a tendency to “ run to points; ” to concentrate ail interest upon some disputed matter, often of comparatively trifling importance. Again, as a “philosophical” historian, his prejudices frequently mar the value of his rvork. In his enthusiasm for the purity of the Christian religion, in his belief in Christianity as a civilising agency, he will allow nothing good to pre-Christian or non-Christian civilisations. He does scant justice to Mahomet. Greek and Roman religions and systems of thought he is inclined to unite in one sweeping condemnation. Of the contribu¬ tion of old Horse paganism to modern European civilisation, of that northern character stamped upon Northern Europe, before the advent of Christianity, he seems never to have heard. Nevertheless, where these prejudices do not inter¬ vene, as in the paper on Herodotus, the estimate of Julius 1 Works, ed. Masson, vol. v. p. 354. xxii DE QUINCEY. Ceesar, and in several other essays, De Qnincey’s historical writings are really valuable, and are, of course, always ingenious and interesting, (4) The AutohiogmpMcal Sketches of De Quincey contain some of his noblesLimaginative work,—imaginative, not in the sense of being fictitious, but in its power to invest the external facts of life with a certain spiritual or transcen¬ dental significance. Amongst such writings, most notable are The Confessions of an English Opium-Eater, and the piece which now forms the second chapter of the Auto¬ biography, and which is entitled The Affliction of Childhood. (5) The Biographical Essays are of two sorts:—First, sketches and reminiscences of interesting and important people whom the writer had known personally, s\ich as Wordsworth, Coleridge, Southey, Charles Lamb, Professor Wilson, and others; secondly, biographies which may be called historical, such as those of Charlemagne, Joan of Arc, Shakespeare, Milton, Bentley, Kant, &c. These last are of varying value and have varying claims to rank as complete accounts of the subjects they deal with. The paper on Kichard Bentley, however, is of very considerable importance. For the rest, what has been said of the characteristics of De Quincey’s historical writings applies equally to his historical biography. The portraits of his own contemporaries are marked by a keen and shrewd penetration, and are apparently very just. These papers are at times very amusing, and abound in delightful anecdotage, but at times they descend almost to the level of gossip ; and prattle about dull, insignificant people whom there was no necessity to remember at all. It is, again, in the biographies, that De Quincey’s sin of digression is most apparent. But on this point we shall afterwards have more to say. (6) The few papers on current politics which De Quincey has left, such as his essay on China and the opium trade. INTRODUCTION. xxiii are marked by a masculine vigour of reasoning and clear common sense, which we should hardly expect from a dreamer of dreams and a visionary. (7) Of the purely imaginative work, other than appears in the autobiographical writings, parts of Going doion with Victory, The Vision of Sudden Death, and the entire Dream Fugue, furnish good examples; but, without doubt, Professor Masson is right when he says of the fragment entitled Levana and Our Ladies of Sorrow, that it is as noble as anything De Quincey ever wrote, “ It is prose poetry,” he adds; “ but it is more; it is a permanent addition to the mythology of the human race.” It is indeed one of the most flawless pieces of writing in the whole field of English literature. (8) Amongst De Quincey’s tales Klosterheim is the longest, but the admirable Spanish Military Nun will, perhaps, best reward the reader. The interest is sustained throughout, and there is an ever-present vein of kindly half-tender humour, which is not generally characteristic of De Quincey. The other tales, not counting translations, tend very much to the horrible.^ It remains to speak of De Quincey’s humour. Tliere are several papers of his which are entirely humorous, which have been written with the sole intention of amusing. Of these the finest specimen is undoubtedly Murder considered as One of the Fine Arts, in which a gruesome subject is made the occasion of the wildest and most reckless merriment. But humour of a peculiar kind is scattered throughout a very large part of De Quincey’s works. Of this humour two features call for especial attention:—(1) It is eminently a ^ The Spanish Military Nun is a translation from the French “De Quinceyfied ” ; that is to say, the best and most prominent features in it are the gift of the “translator.” One might, we imagine, venture an assertion that the same is true of the ridiculous tale, “ Mr Shackenberger,” said to be “ from the German. ” The humour is all De Quincey’s own, or there is a German De Quincey. XXIV DR QUINCE Y. scholar’s humour; scholarly, not in treatment but in subject. It delights De Quincey to draw upon his vast erudition for the purpose of making boisterous fun of it. He loves, as it were, to cut ridiculous capers in the groves of Academus. Several instances of this occur in The English Mail Coach. Galileo, Lord Macartney’s embassy to China, the French Revolution, ancient ethical systems, Von Troil’s Iceland, Virgil’s ^neid, Marengo, the Treason Laws, Ulysses’ bow, Jus Dominii, the Cyclops—these in the course of a few pages afford food for various mirth. In the Confessions, there is not much scope for merriment, yet De Quincey contrives to drag in not a few learned jests. The “transcendental philosopher” (Coleridge) is made to quote Shakespeare in a ridiculous fashion; nothing less majestic than a Miltonic phrase is judged sufficient to describe the physique of Mr Lawson’s groom, and nothing less scholarly than the rolling stone of Sisyphus (the Aaas avaihrjf) to be compared with the schoolboy’s trunk trund¬ ling down the stairs. The “ bore ” at Chester calls up, first the avw TroTagwv of Euripides, and then the flood of Deuc¬ alion, in which the unsophisticated Chester woman, soon to figure as Pandora, does duty for “Thessalian Pyrrha.” In other parts of the narrative, Homer, Juvenal, Lucan and Suetonius are quoted, all more or less humorously, and there is a good deal of learned trifling introduced in un¬ expected places. Elsewhere we have much playing with the transcendental philosophy in connection with an absurd eulogy of Westmoreland sheep: the most erudite illustra¬ tions are employed in the lecture on Murder as a Fine Art ; — the Jewish Sicarii, Aristotle, Descartes, Spinoza. Classical poetry, ancient and modern, comes in useful at other times, and we have quotations burlesqued and introduced with the happiest incongruity. (2) De Quiucey’s humour is utterly extravagant ; it delights in whimsical exaggeration and huge caricature: often INTRODUCTION. XXV as not, it is mere rollicking fun—a sort of schoolboy horse¬ play. He is reviewing, for instance, a literary history by a grave German Professor, and he hails his author aff'er this fashion:—“How, Mr Schlosser, I have mended your harness: ail right ahead; so drive on once more. But, oh ! Castor and Pollux, whither—in what direction is it that the man is driving us? Positively, Schlosser, you must stop and let me get out. Pll go no further with such a drunken coachman.” He salutes Josephus as “Mr Jo,” or plain “Jo.” A bishop who writes on a theological subject under the nom de plume, “ Phileleutherus Angli- canus,” he calls “ Phil ” through a whole paper, and dubs himself “ Philo-phil ” or “ Phil-phil.” He frequently hses slang—“ O crimini,” “ fash,” “ the old boy’s hoofs,” “spanking,” &c., &c. Again, he is sometimes utterly irreverent, especially with regard to themes usually referred to with veneration, or, at least, becoming seriousness. Here is a passing allusion to the death of Socrates :—“ Two centuries before the Christian Era, a favourable opinion upon a man or a family from the Oracle of Delphi was almost equal to a friendly review at present in the London Quarterly. Perhaps the Delphic concern never rose exactly to the level of the London Times. Spenser notices that, after all, ‘ Not to have been dipped in Lethe’s flood Could save the son of Thetis from to die.’ OTTO Tov 6vr]o-i<€Lv. And so neither could a first-class esti¬ mate of Socrates by the venerable, but palsy-stricken Oracle of Delphi, save that cunning and libidinous old fellow from to die by hemlock. Lauda,tur et alget: the wicked old man finds his vanity tickled, but his feet getting rigid and cold.” Nevertheless, his humour is often delightfully playful. The writer is not seldom his own butt, and plays with his own shortcomings and eccentricities in a very charming xxvi DE QUINCE V, fashion. The papers on Sortilege and Astrology and The Antigone of Sophocles afford very pleasing specimens of this. It is not the highest form of humour, this of De Quincey —far from it. Not the humour of Shakespeare, the humour which Carlyle says “ has justly been regarded as the finest perfection of the poetic genius ; ” the humour which “ sees common life, even mean life, under the new light of sport¬ fulness and love : ” not the humour of Charles Lamb at his best, the humour which, in the fine phrase of a critic, is near akin to “an acute and painful sympathy:” not the humour of Carlyle himself, a humour which serves but as a cloak for a passionate earnestness which, in its nakedness, would be almost unendurable. It is the humour, on the whole, of pure nonsense, the nonsense which De Quincey somewhere tells us was so “ congenial to himself,” to John Wilson and to Charles Lamb (we see it in Lamb’s letters); and it is a very acceptable kind of humour after all, more especially as it is entirely innocent. It would indeed require a “ morbidly virtuous person ” to be really shocked even at the astounding “William’s lecture” on “ Murder.” Sometimes, however, it is a little forced and heavy, and —which is a more serious fault—it sins against the law of harmony, and somewhat jars upon the reader as intruding in incongruous places, It is a common charge against De Quincey that he, more than any other writer of eminence, digresses on the slightest provocation from the subject in hand. And this charge it would not be easy to refute successfully, But De Quincey’s discursiveness differs from that of Mrs Nickleby. De Quincey is quite aware of it, points it out often enough, and, to the readers of those magazine articles of his who INTRODUCTION. XXVli still objected, he would probably have answered after the manner of Chaucer:— “And therefore who so list it nat to heere, Turn over the leef, and cheese another tale.” We must take De Quincey as we find him; for, though abnormally discursive, he is seldom tedious. Nevertheless, these digressions are at times, it mmst be confessed, annoy¬ ing. If the subject in itself, for its own sake, has for the reader a peculiar interest, apart from his appreciation of De Quincey’s treatment of any subject, he may be inclined to resent De Quincey’s flying off on the slightest occasion to another topic, only indirectly, or perhaps scarcely at all, connected with the matter in hand. Dor example, if the subject be Charles Lamb, most readers will feel that Charles Lamb is far too interesting a personality to be made a mere peg on which to hang De Quincey’s views of things in general; and yet the two papers on Lamb are each of them marred by extremely long digressions upon subjects as little related to “ Elia ” as anything well could be. De Quincey’s tendency to digress does not confine itself to discursiveness on a large scale. He is also apt to admit extraneous matter into the body of his paragraphs and even sentences. The causes of this habit of overloading his writings with matter hardly bearing upon the principal theme, are mainly, no doubt:—(1) the astonishing amount of multifarious information which De Quincey always carried with him; (2) his passion, already mentioned, for “making points,”drawing subtle distinctions, and confuting current errors. The opportunity occurs, and De Quincey cannot refrain from seizing it. Often the extraneous matter is relegated to a footnote, Footnotes are a prominent feature in De Quincey’s writings. They are frequently inordinately long; they are generally but remotely connected with the text; they are generally highly instrrffcting or extremely amusing. But it must be xxviii DE QUINCE Y. admitted that they sometimes seriously interfere with a proper enjoyment of the text. To be pulled up suddenly in the middle of a sentence — a sentence perhaps of singular pathos and dignity — and to find a long excursus on some point of etymology, or an exposition of the correct meaning of some word popularly misapplied, is a little exasperating; but the reader has an easy remedy. Let him ignore all reference numbers, let him finish the text, and afterwards go back to the footnotes. De Quincey once quotes with approval a saying of Wordsworth’s to the effect that “style is the incarnation of thought.” Carlyle, in his own peculiar fashion, said much the same when, in defence of those mannerisms which at one time gave so much offence, he declared that a style was not to be put off and put on like a coat; it was rather a skin—“ a skin, really a product and close kinsfellow of all that lies under it; exact type of the nature of the beast, not to be plucked off without flaying and death.” The character of any man’s literary style is solely determined by the character of his mental and emotional qualities: as he thinks and feels, so, inevitably, he will write. Hence, in speaking of De Quincey’s range of subject and mode of thought and opinion, we have already seen some of the chief features of his style. As variety is one of the most striking characteristics of De Quincey’s literary work, so is it of his style. There are some styles —excellent in their way— which move always in the same narrow channel, which seem able to express but one dominant vein of thought and emotion. De Quincey’s style is not of these. It has, of course, its own striking qualities, but it has little or nothing of mannerism. It is an instrument of many varying tones, capable of expressing many varying shades of emotion ; an instrument, moreover, under the most perfect control, sis an organ i ^ A 1 NT ROD UC TION. xxix beneath the touch of a master musician. Eor, as De Quincey began his career as man of letters with a full equipment of knowledge and definitely formed opinions and ways of thinking, so also, from the first, he was a finished master of literary expression. He is never hesitating or weak. He knows exactly what he Avishes to say ; he knows how to say it as well as it can be said. Again, Ave have seen that one of the predominant qualities of De Quincey’s mind is his keen intellectuality. Of necessity his style bears the exact impress of his mind, “ The style of De Quincey,” says Professor Masson, in a passage of masterly criticism, “is prevailingly intellectual. .It is a beautiful style,” he goes on, “ uniquely De Quincey’s, the characteristic of which, in its more level and easy specimens, is intellectual nimbleness, a light pre¬ cision and softness of spring ; while, in the higher specimens, Avhere the movement becomes more involved and intricately rhythmical, there is still the same sense of a leisurely intel¬ lectual instinct rather than glow and rapture, as regulating the feat.” Intellect, keen understanding, exact discrimina¬ tion, these are the characteristics of De Quincey’s style, whatever be the theme, whether the language employed be studiously simple or studiously ornate. De Quincey’s style, again, is an instrument of great poAver; but his power comes not from the strength of a fierce moral conviction or earnestness of belief. Impassioned he is at times, keenly sensible to all impressions that are sublime, or beautiful, or terrible, or awful; his pathos, too, is genuinely sincere; but he is never the preacher or prophet. His language is the language of the scholar, the critic, or the master-artist; never that of the “ teacher.” Perhaps, in his more ambitious Avritings, the art-quality is sometimes too apparent; but that, necessarily, is not a fault in the style, but of the underlying nature of which the style is but the outer embodiment. XXX DE QUINCEY. According to Professor Miuto, De Quincey’s vocabulary is particularly large. He uses a much larger proportion of Komance than of Teutonic words, not from any preference, but because the fuller sounding Latin words generally suit his purpose best. He is peculiarly careful in his use of words; solicitous that the word should always carry its exact scholarly sense. He is careful of euphony too, with the anxiety of a keenly sensitive ear. He shuns religiously all vestige of what he calls “ cacophony,”—awkward repetition of the same sounds, and so on. Melody is a special feature in all his writings. He is amongst the most musical of prose-writers. He prefers, in his higher flights, the periodic structure of sentence; long, swelling harmonies, intricate “ evolution,” and magnificent cadences. He has many passages of noble and sustained eloquence. In this respect he has been compared to Milton. Ruskin, among modern authors, when writing at a white heat, excels in the same qualities of eloquence. De Quincey, however, is simple and direct when it suits his purpose. He uses periods, as he uses Latin words, when the theme seems to demand a stately elaborate diction; not otherwise. That De Quincey took great pains to polish his writings is evident, not only from explicit utterances of his own, but from a comparison of his essays as they originally appeared in the magazines, with the same after having undergone revision at the author’s hands. Alterations—many of them the minutest—frequently occur, with a view to improving a phrase in exactness of meaning or in sound. He was, as has been said, a thorough artist, and ho worked in the spirit of an artist. De Quincey is, as might be expected, one of the most correct of writers, scrupulously exact in limiting, with necessary qualifications, every statement he makes or opinion he commits himself to. Neither can it be said of him that he takes any liberties with grammar. INTRODUCTION. XXXI III. THE CONFESSIONS. The Confessions of an English Opium-Eater, whatever its other qualities, is by far the most famous of all De Quincey’s writings. From the very first it secured for itself a wide-spread popularity, and, judging from the many editions which of recent years have been issued, its popu¬ larity shows no sign of waning. Perhaps the strange title of the book lent it, for many, a morbid charm which its real subject could not bestow. If it were so, those readers who opened the Confessions thinking to find therein some startling chronicle of vicious self-indulgence, some history of the road to ruin, must have been grievously disappointed. Even in the form in which the Confessions first aj^peared, a large part of the book has no direct bearing upon the mysterious drug, the qualities of which were, in the England of 1822, so little understood. It is only the story of the childhood of a man of genius, curious indeed, full of strangely pathetic incidents, but, from the ordinary stand¬ point, morally blameless. In the second version of the book—the enlarged edition of 1856 (which is reprinted in the present volume)—this is still more the case. The Confessions, as we have them here, are mainly a chapter in De Quincey’s autobiography, the greater part of which is not at all, or at best only remotely, connected with opium. There are, it must be remembered, two distinct versions of the Confessions. The first version Avas written in 1821 : it appeared in two parts in the London Magazine, and was published in book form in 1822. This is the version which is commonly met with—for the simple reason that the copyright has long since expired, and any publisher is at full liberty to reprint it. The second version was written much later in life (in 1855—6), and is still copyright. It is about three times as long as the original edition, and is, XXXll DE QUINCE V. as could not help being the case with De Quincey, very prolix and discursive. It contains practically the whole of the earlier work, with minute alterations indeed, and comparatively trifling omissions, the hulk of the new matter being purely autobiographical, save for the usual digressions, and for some twenty pages or so (at the beginning and towards the end), which set forth De Quincey’s matured views on the subject of opium, its real nature, its immediate and remote effects, and other kindred matters. The history of The Gonfesdons of an English Opium- Eater is as follows : — -In 1821, De Quincey was in London, his wife and children having been left behind in Westmore¬ land. He was still suffering from the effects of a terrible period of prostration beneath the spell of opium. He had come seeking for work, for his financial circumstances were embarrassed, and ..there were others who depended entirely upon his exertions. He had influential friends amongst the London literati; and one of them. Sergeant Talfourd, the friend and biographer of Lamb, introduced him to the proprietors of the London Magazine, Messrs Taylor and Hessey. The result was that in the September number of this journal there appeared the first part of the Confessions of an English Opium-Eater, being an Extract from the Life of a Scholar, signed “X. Y. Z.” Part I. comprised the “Introductory narration,” that is to say, it covered the ground occupied by the first 160 pages of the present edition, but, as then written, would have extended to no more than about thirty or forty pages of the same size. Curiously enough, in the same number of the London Magazine there is to be found an autobiographical chapter from the childhood of another man of genius — the Elia essay of Charles Lamb, entitled Witches and other Night Fears. INTRODUCTION. XXXlll To the first part of the Gonfessions was appended an editorial note—“ The remainder of this very interesting article will be given in the next number.” Accordingly, in October appeared those concluding sections of the Gonfessions called The Pleasures of Opium and The Pains of Opium, to which again an editorial note, probably from the pen of Thomas Hood, was added :—“ We are not often in the habit of eulogizing our own work, but we cannot neglect the opportunity .... of calling the attention of our readers to the deep, eloquent, and masterly paper which stands first in our present number.” These Gonfessions, as we have seen, received an immedi¬ ate recognition, and more on the same subject was de¬ manded. In fact De Quincey, in a letter which appeared in the December number of the London Magazine, actually promised the public that they should have more ; but, save for the curious “Appendix” which the reader will find at the end of the present volume, the promise was not fulfilled until thirty-five years afterwards. This “ Appendix ” was added to the Gonfessions when they were issued in book form in 1822, and was also printed separately in the London Magazine of December of the same year. Of the circumstances under which the Gonfessions were actually written we know the following interesting par¬ ticulars. Mr H. G. Bohn writes in Lowndes^ Bibliog¬ rapher’s Manual, “ These ‘ Confessions ’ were written in a little room at the back of Mr H. G. Bohn’s premises, Ho. 4 York Street, Covent Garden, where Mr De Quincey re¬ sided, in comparative seclusion, for several years. He had previously lived in the neighbourhood of Soho Square, and for some years was a constant visitor to the shop of Mr Bohn’s father, then the principal dealer in German books. The writer remembers that he always seemed to speak in a kind of whisper.” From De Quincey himself we gather that he wrote the c XXXIV DE QUINCE Y. greater part of the opium Confessions in the autumn of 1821. “ The introductory part \i.e., the narrative part], written for the double purpose of creating an interest in what followed and of making it intelligible, since without this narrative the dreams (which were the real object of the whole work) would have had no meaning, hut would have been mere incoherences—this narrative part was written with singular rapidity. The rest might be said to have occupied an unusual length of time ; since, though the mere penmanship might have been performed within moderate limits (and, in fact, under some pressure from the printer), the dreams had been composed slowly, and by separate efforts of thought, at wide intervals of time, accord¬ ing to the accidental prevalence, at any particular time, of the separate elements of such dreams in my own real dream experience.” ^ As has been said, the Confessions were republished in book form in 1822. Five other editions of the original version were published between that date and 1853. Since the copyright expired there have been many editions, by far the best being that of Dr Richard Garnett (London : Kegan Paul, Trench & Co.), which, besides the text, con¬ tains much matter of special interest to students of De Quincey. Two eminent French poets have undertaken to translate the Confessions into their own language—Alfred De Musset and Charles Bj^audelaire. De Musset’s trans¬ lation was written as early as 1823. When De Quincey was engaged in gathering together his writings for Hogg’s collective edition of his Works, he determined that the Confessions should not appear in their original form, but should be expanded so as to form a volume by themselves. With infinite labour and trouble, as De Quincey himself assures us, the task was performed, and an entirely new version of the Confessions appeared in ^ Recollections of Charles Lamb (Works, iii. 75, 76). INTRODUCTION. XXXV 1856. It formed the fifth volume of the collected edition! Dr Japp, in his Life of De Qnineey, has pub¬ lished several extremely interesting letters relating to the enlarged Confessions. To parts of these it vpill become necessary to refer when comparing the earlier and later versions of the Confessions —they are too long to be repro¬ duced in full. At present it will be enough to remark that we gather from De Quincey’s letters to one of his daughters that he did not regard the revision of 1856 as in any way final, hut contemplated issuing another and still further revised edition, which was, moreover, to he published at a lower price. This project he either aban¬ doned or did not live to fulfil. At this point it may be helpful to give a brief sketch of the general scheme (in so far as the book may be said to have a scheme) and subject of the enlarged Confessions. The book opens with an interrogation—“ How, and through what series of steps, was it that the writer first became an opium-eater 1 ” and the question is answered “ in passionate anticipation,” that it was “ on a sudden, over¬ mastering impulse derived from bodily anguish,” and not, as Coleridge had stated, in a spirit of purely voluptuous indulgence. Then De Quincey proceeds to a somewhat forcible and entertaining refutation of Coleridge’s position —which refutation occupies about eight pages, and con¬ cludes with the assertion that he (De Quincey) deliberately took opium to mitigate certain evils which had their origin in hardships endured in boyhood ; these hardships, again, wel e occasioned by an “ extravagance of childish folly, which precipitated me into scenes naturally producing such ^ When the copyright of the Works passed to Messrs A. & 0. Black, that firm issued in 1862 a new and cheaper edition, of which the Confessions form the first volume. In Mr Masson’s edition the Con¬ fessions fill the latter half of volume iii. XXXVl DE QUINCE Y. hardships.” These scenes, he goes on, he is now “ called upon to retrace,” since they furnish “ a key to the proper understanding of all which follows.” “ For in these inci¬ dents ... is found the entire substratum, together with the secret and underlying motive, of those pompous dreams and dream-sceneries which were in reality the true objects —first and last—contemplated in these Confessions.” After this exordium the autobiographical part of the Confessions begins, but has hardly begun when the writer is swept away into a long discussion on the dangers inevitably associated with the guardianship of children, not only amongst the Pagan Eomans, but also amongst the Christian English. After this follows an account of the boy De Quincey’s life in Manchester, under the guardianship of the Rev. Samuel Hall and Mr Kelsall. Then, his life at Bath Grammar School and Winkfield having been just touched upon, De Quincey launches into the Manchester Grammar School episode, which occupies nearly fifty pages, and contains very much besides straightforward narrative. There is a full-length portrait of the head-master, Mr Lawson, another of an incompetent apothecary, and various digressions, as little connected with the professed aim of the book—opium and the pompous dream-pageantry—as the value of English literature in any scheme of education, the merits of Grotius “ on the evidences of Christianity,” and the imperfect orthography of the French nobility. The upshot of all, however, is, that owing to certain deficiencies in the school life at Mr Lawson’s establishment, for which the head-master himself was largely to blame, combined with the gross stupidity of an apothecary, whose prescriptions were as unpalatable as they were useless, and the harsh obstinacy of Mr Hall, who refused to listen to De Quincey’s entreaties to be removed from Manchester, things became so bad that the only possible remedy seemed to resolve itself into running away. The escape was INTRODUCTION. xxxvii effected; and here what may be called the first chapter of the Confessions (though the work, rather unfortunately, is not so divided) closes. The second chapter, not counting its digressions, which are as numerous and diverse as usual, relates the story of the flight, the arrival at Chester, the unexpected capture of the truant by his uncle Captain Penson, Mrs De Quincey’s profound displeasure, the pain it caused her son, and the final decision that De Quincey should be permitted to go on a walking tour through the mountainous districts of Wales, on an allowance of a guinea a week. The third chapter deals with the Welsh wanderings, the hardships to which the hoy was subjected from want of money, and, of course, much, both grave and gaj', that is delightfully beside the point. It ends with the sudden resolution to fly from relatives and friends and plunge into the unknown world of London, a resolution the maddest and most disastrous of all. The London experiences, together with a fruitless journey to Windsor, occupy two chapters, which contain some of the noblest and most pathetic pieces of writing that ever came from De Quincey’s pen. There is the picture, half- humorous, half-tragic, of the scandalous attorney who cheated De Quincey, and at the same time gave him shelter; the pathetic account of the homeless, friendless child, who sle^ amid the rats and the law-papers in the solitary mansion in Greek Street; and lastly, most beautiful and most deeply affecting of all, the story of the strange friend¬ ship between the precociously learned boy and the poor London prostitute—the story oh Ann of Oxford Street. Aft ^: relating the disappearance of Ann, her friend’s fruit¬ less search for her, and the restoration of the truant to his family, the first part of the Confessions ends in a splendid and generous eulogy of the writer’s wife. The second part, entitled The Pleasures of Opium, relates xxxvin DE QUINCEY. the circumstances under which De Quincey was first led to take opium. Then follows the declaration “ of the true Church ” concerning opium, and an account of the immedi¬ ate eflects of opium-eating in general, and on De Quincey in particular, together with a description of the “ pleasures ” which in Loiidon De Quincey used to associate with indulgence in opium, his delight in the Italian Opera, and in frequenting the London markets on Saturday nights. For the latter form of amusement, he tells us, he had to suffer in subsequent years. Afterwards, skipping over a period of eight years (which, however, can be more or less filled up from the autobiographical sketches), De Quincey gives some account of himself as an inmate of Grasmere Cottage, of his opium-eating there, of his metaj^hysical studies, of the happiest year in his life, of a somewhat startling visit from a Malay, of the opium-eater’s “ exterior,” of his books, of his wife, and so on, up to the year 1817. Of the third part {The Pains of Opium), considerably more than half is practically a defence of opium-eating in certain cases, and contains De Quincey’s final views on the subject. The later pages narrate De Quincey’s terrible prostration under opium in the years l'^17-18, and the temporary and partial deliverance effected by Political Economy and David Ricardo; and finally, some seventeen pages (out of 236) are devoted to a description of those opium-dreams which we are bidden believe formed the sole object, “ first and last,” of the Confessions. This completes the enlarged version of 1856, save for the short romance, or dream, or allegory, entitled The Daughter of Lebanon, which is to be taken in connection with the actual history of Ann of Oxford Street; and two Appendices, the first of which is a sort of humorous history of the De Quincey family from the Conquest downwards, while the second deals with the doctrine of the immortality of the soul, with Bishop War- burton and “ our own Dr Dodwell,” with Job and Josephus, INTRODUCTION. XX, XIX with Plato and Mr Wordswortli, with Barbara Lewthwaite and little Margaret De Quincey, and other congruous subjects. There is one question which cannot fail to present itself to the student of De Quincey: — Are the enlarged Confessions an improvement upon the earlier work ? Most critics appear to answer in the negative, and De Quincey himself seemed to be in doubt as to the wisdom of what he had done. To completely recast a book which, on its first appearance, had been generally acknowledged as a master¬ piece, and which thirty-five years had converted into a classic, was, to say the least of it, a dangerous experiment, hardly to be justified by the precedent of Pope’s Rape of the Loch, which De Quincey cites by way of apology. It seems certain that De Quincey himself was not satisfied : he contemplated, as we have seen, another and better edition; he was anxious to convince himself that the recast was an improvement upon the original work, but we can see that he did not quite succeed in doing so. “Volume V. is on the point of closing, viz.. The Confessions,^’ he writes to his daughter Emily, in the later part of 1855. “ It is almost rewritten ; and there cannot be much doubt that here and there it is enlivened, and so far improved. To justify the enormous labour it has cost me, most certainly it ’ought to be improved. And yet, reviewing the volume as a whole, now that I can look back from nearly the end to the beginning, greatly I doubt whether many readers will not prefer it in its original fragmentary state to its present full-blown development.” Then he goes on to say that .le could not help himself. A volume of some 360 pages had to be completed. The original CoTphssfo/zs would “present only a beggarly amount of 120 pp.” If he did not enlarge the Confessions, he must either throw in alien matter — a course which was to him “ eminently disagree- xl DE QUINCE Y. able”—or else bring together a number of unpublished “Suspiria,” and thus complete the volume. With regard to the latter course, he tells his daughter that “a doubt had arisen whether, with my own horrible recoil from the labour of converging and unpacking all hoards of MSS., I could count upon bringing together enough of the ‘ Suspiria ’ materially to enlarge the volume . . . Nothing re¬ mained but that he should doctor the book, and expand it into a portliness that might countenance its price.” And then, obviously feeling that he had “ given himself away,” and stood convicted of having merely added so much “ padding,” he hastens to assure his daughter that he “ had not eked out the volume by any wiredrawing process; on the contrary, nothing had been added which did not originally belong to his outline of the work, having been left out chiefly through hurry at the period of first, i.e. original, publication in the autumn of 1821.” ^ Again, at the end of the next year (1856), he writes to another daughter, Margaret (Mrs Craig):—“A copy of the ‘Confessions’ was sent to you on Tuesday; it was the earliest that could be made ready. Criticise furiously and without mercy. The next will be the final edition, far different and far better. I am weary to death of my six months’ exertion. Surely, whatever blots I may have left, in some things I must have improved the book.”^ Whatever the final verdict may he—and it is probable that the critic must decide that, as a finished work of art, the earlier is to be preferred to the later version—it is certain that the student of De Quincey could not afford to lose the additional matter inserted in the enlarged work. The Confessions may not have been improved; the Works of De Quincey have assuredly been enriched. It seems almost a pity that Professor Masson did not in his edition ^ Japp’s Life and Writings of De Quincey, in one volume, 387-389. 2 Ibid., 402. INTRODUCTION. xli of the Works reprint tlie original Confessions in one of the later volumes. The earlier version should not he allowed to pass into oblivion; and it is to he trusted that, even when the copyright of the enlarged Confessions h''.s expired, the smaller Confessions will still he an easily attainable book. For purposes of comparison the edition of 1822 is essential to the student, whilst to the general reader it offers definite attractions to which the edition of 1856 cannot lay claim. Even the original Confessions cannot he styled a complete, rounded whole, governed by one motive, inspired throughout by one leading idea, moving straightforward to one clearly marked goal. Little or nothing that De Quincey has left is of this character; but in discursiveness, confusion of motive, absence of guid¬ ing plan, the Confessions of 1856 sin three times more grievously than did the earlier work. The additions of 1856 are, save for the discussions on opium at the beginning and towards the end, partly autobiographical, partly digressions in De Quincey’s usual style ; that is to say, digressions which are not even in them¬ selves consistent wholes—digressions within digressions. Thus, the very first digression we meet with—that on the subject of “ guardianship ”—contains a short discussion on the effects of positive law on national morals, another on the shocking idleness of Spaniards and Italians when con¬ trasted with Englishmen, another on the corruption of Roman governors of provinces, and a fourth on the difference of meaning attached to the word “ merchant ” in England and Scotland respectively. In themselves these digressions are excellent reading: some of them are in¬ genious and suggestive, characterised by dexterous arguing, beautiful intellectual fencing j others are full of genial, sunny humour; a few again are pathetic or sublime in language and thought. But there can be no doubt that they mar the unity of the work, they check the steady sweep of the xlii DE QUINCE Y. narrative, and they tend at times to arouse in the mind of the reader a sense of tediousness or impatient resentment. If the reader of the early Confessions was left, when he closed the hook, in a state of uncertainty as to what De Quincey’s real meaning was,—whether he meant to praise opium or condemn it, whether there was a moral to be drawn or merely a piece of interesting and highly imagi¬ native literature to be enjoyed,—the reader of the later Confessions, unless he watches very carefully, is likely to be still more confused. In the course of another thirty- five years’ experience, De Quincey’s views on the effects of opium generally, and of the service it had rendered him, had been very considerably modified ; and yet he reproduces, with merely verbal alterations, whole passages from the earlier work which are inconsistent with the opinions expressed in the additional matter. Thus, in places De Quincey seems to condemn himself remorselessly, in others he sets up an unqualified justification ; in one place he speaks of himself as an “ eudsemonist,” eating opium for the sake of the pleasurable sensations it afforded ; in another he tells us he was from the first in possession of therapeutic secrets unknown to the professional physician of the day, and that he persevered in opium-eating because he knew that therein lay the only road of safety. It is not to be supposed that these discrepant statements are any of them consciously false. De Quincey’s reputation for absolute veracity, even in unimportant matters, is by this time thoroughly established ; but it is very likely that, uncon¬ sciously, in 1856, he imagined that in his earlier years he was aware of the mysterious properties of opium as resisting pulmonary consumption, whereas that knowledge had in reality been arrived at much later. It must be admitted that the revised Confessions are very largely patchwork,—curious patchwork, indeed, seeing that the new pieces are in size much greater than the old garment; INTRODUCTION. xliii —neither has the patching been very skilfully executed. The reader must he constantly on the look-out if he is to avoid being misled. Unless he be very familiar with the earlier version, it will not always he easy for him to determine at once whether he is reading De Quincey’s final opinions, or the views he held in 1821, and w'hich in 1856 he had retracted. The chronology, too, is terribly complicated by the reproduction of the old matter with the tenses unaltered. “ My studies have now been long interrupted ” are the opening words of one paragraph, and the reader requires an editorial note to enable him to understand that the “ now ” refers to 1816, forty years previous to the period indicated by the present tense in the concluding lines of the paragraph immediately preceding. But from the introduction of the new matter, another, and from an artistic point of view, more serious result follows. The tone and colour of the hook have been changed. The earlier Confessions might, on the whole, rank with that class of prose which De Quincey styled the “literature of power.” The book was generally an example of his “ pas¬ sionate prose ”; it appealed to the higher and deeper emotions rather than to the intellect; and comparatively few passages are couched in the lighter or merely humorous vein. But the additions of 1856 are mainly, as De Quincey himself admits, calculated to enliven a work which in its original form seemed, from its very subject and treat¬ ment, to exclude merriment. The new matter is almost altogether intellectual or amusing—a low'er forur of litera¬ ture, according to De Quincey—the “ literature of know¬ ledge,” or the literature which seeks merely to amuse; and the new, by its bulk, almost swallows up the old. We lay the hook down with impressions confused and indistinct. The strings seem false ; the original harmony is lost; the De Quincey of 1856 could no longer feel as did the De Quincey of 1821 j and the matter he adds in 1856 is in a xliv DE QUINCEY. different key from that which fell from him in 1821, when the strife with the opium-spell was still unfinished, when the memory of the horrors he had endured, of the scenes of hardship and suffering and sorrow he had passed through, were fresher and livelier in his mind. And the result is that the old matter, so often sublime or terrible or tragically pathetic, rising into the highest region of intense eloquence, confronts the reader of the later Confessions as so many purpurei panni, brilliant gems starting up here and there amid a setting which, though excellent in itself, is com¬ posed of a far less precious material. But we must take De Quincey as we find him. “ Of all our great writers,” says Dr Garnett, in his admirable intro¬ duction to his edition of the Confessions, “ De Quincey is the most deficient in concentration.” To keep one aim steadily in view, to keep the whole under the influence of one dominant motive, was an end which he neither sought nor attained, save in such brief passages of prose-poetry as The Daughter of Lebanon, the Dream Fugue, and Levana and our Ladies of Sorrow. The comparative directness of the early Confessions was, as Dr Garnett points out, rather due to adventitious circumstances than to the author’s deliberate judgment and artistic instinct. To begin with, the early Confessions had to be confined within the limits of two magazine articles ; secondly, any protracted effort in literary composition was at that time, owing to opium, impossible to De Quincey; and finally, a great deal which the later version contains could not, out of consideration to persons then living (his mother for one), have been made public; neither had De Quincey as yet won the public ear so thoroughly as to lead him to suppose that the public would take any interest in the narration of so many things of so purely personal or domestic a nature. By 1856 all this had changed. The English reading public had abundantly testified its willingness to receive INTRODUCTION. xlv anything that De Quincey thought fit to give it, and to listen to him attentively, no matter what subject bethought fit to talk about. He had already published many chapters of an autobiographical nature. One gap remained to be filled, and that directly connected with his opium ex¬ periences. He had also long since recovered his power of sustained literary effort; and, at the same time, those con¬ siderations which at the period of the early Confessions enforced reticence, now no longer existed. Mrs De Quincey was dead; so were Colonel Penson and Mr Hall. He had told nothing but the truth in the original version; he could now, without hesitation, tell the whole truthd And so the “ extract from the life of a scholar ” became a long chapter in De Quincey’s autobiography, characteristic of the writer in every way. It is written as it was natural in De Quincey to write, as he loved to write. It is largely talk, eloquent talk indeed, but still talk ; the talk of a wonderful old man, taking the listener into his confidence, recalling all manner of little details in his past life, turning aside every now and then in pursuit of some intellectual problem which by chance presents itself to his mind, and spending unstintingly in the chase the wealth of a mind richly stored with knowledge, with intellectual subtlety and imaginativeness. Such are the enlarged Confessions, various, many-coloured, grave and gay, intellectual and imaginative, humorous and sublime, garrulous and eloquent; a strange medley, but eminently De Quinceyish, and, to the reader who has learnt to pardon in De Quincey his discursiveness and his “wiredrawn ingenuity,” affording a plentiful fund of intellectual enjoyment. Whether the enlarged Confessions, taken as a whole, be inferior as a work of art to the original edition, no critic 1 See De Quincey’s letter to the London Magazine of December 1822. (Appendix to the Notes.) xlvi DE QUINCE Y. doubts that in separate passages the early work has been immensely improved. It was characteristic of De Quincey never to rest satisfied with anything he had written, never to neglect an opportunity to improve if improvement were at all possible. In some respects he lacked true artistic perception, but in his passion for minute finish of execu¬ tion he was an artist in the highest sense. Accordingly, a comparison of the later with the earlier Confessions will furnish numerous examples of the most minute touching-up. He has added a little here, and omitted a little there. Here and there a simple inversion has given still further force and dignity to a sentence by no means lacking these qualities in its original form. Some of the most eloquent passages, such as the magnificent apostrophe to opium— “ Oh ! just, subtle, and mighty opium ”—have been entirely recast. Words or phrases which, for one reason and another, seemed to strike a discordant note, have been altered : a “ barrel-organ ” has become a “ street-organ ” ; a sense of tenderness and almost ethereal delicacy in speaking of the unhappy Ann of Oxford Street has changed the phrase which describes her as belonging to that class which subsists on the wages of prostitution, into a phrase which invests the same idea with something of pathos and sympathy :—she was “ one of that unhappy class who belong to the outcasts and pariahs of our female popu¬ lation.” Again, the conventionally compassionate epithet “ poor ” has been omitted as weak and inadequate in the passage which describes the loss of, and fruitless search for, the friend he loved so much—“ Meantime, what has become of poor Ann 1 ” These are but a few examples. The student may discover many more for himself. At the time of the early Confessions, grave doubts were expressed in various quarters as to the genuineness of the events narrated as actually falling within the writer’s personal experience. Was the story true, it was asked, or INTRODUCTION, xlvii were the Confessions a mere romance ? De Quincey himself, in the letter he wrote to the London Magazine in 1822,^ assured his readers that they might trust implicitly every word he had written. In spite of this assertion, the sceptical have continued to doubt. Dr Japp, however, in his De Quincey Memorials, has proved incontestably the strict accuracy, even in unimportant details, of the Confes¬ sions, and the reader of his volumes may peruse the actual letters from the Marquis of Sligo which De Quincey showed to the Jews in London. Errors of memory there may be ; but, with such trifling exceptions, the Confessions of an English Opium-Eater is a record of actual fact, as Do Quincey intended it to be. IV. THE DAUGHTEE OE LEBANON. De Quincey, in his preface to the enlarged edition of the Confessions, has explained the meaning of this little idyll or allegory, and the reason of its being placed as the closing passage of the Confessions. Originally one of the “Sus- piria,” it connects itself with the story of Ann of Oxford Street—“ Ann the outcast ’’—which “ formed not only the most memorable and the most suggestively pathetic inci¬ dent ” in the Confessions, but also “ shaped, moulded and remoulded, composed and decomposed the great body of opium dreams.” The sinning and repentant Daughter of Lebanon is Ann, idealised and glorified, and her end is the endDe Quincey hoped, and perhaps believed, had overtaken the poor friend who had saved his life when he was a starving boy in the streets of London. He had hoped that Ann had “ found the grave of a Magdalen ”—repentance and reconciliation, not with man in the world of respecta¬ bility, but with Him who judges not as man judges or can 1 See Appendix to the Notes. xlviii DE QUINCE Y. j udge ; restoration, not to her earthly father’s house and her early innocence,—for that was impossible,—but to her Heavenly Father’s house, from which she had been absent too long. De Quincey seems to have felt that the episode of Ann, as it stood, was unfinished; that something was required to remove the sense of incompleteness, occasioned by the abrupt disappearance of the “ heroic girl ” from the opium- eater’s life and story. De Musset also felt this, and pro¬ ceeded to remedy the deficiency after a style which seemed agreeable to French taste. De Musset, in his translation of the Confessions, has added a chapter of his own, in which the opium-eater discovers Ann in the flesh under circum¬ stances extremely proper to sensational romance, but ludi¬ crously unlike anything that could possibly have happened to De Quincey. The opium-eater is taken by a friend of his—a military officer—to a demi-monde ball. There, dressed in black, and leaning against a column, with his arms gloomily folded, he once more has sight of Ann, blaz¬ ing with diamonds, on the arm of the Marquis of C-. Next day, by secret appointment, he visits her in the house, where, it transpires, she is held close prisoner by the wicked nobleman. The Marquis unexpectedly arrives ; the opium- eater strikes him on the cheek ; a duel ensues, in which the Marquis is discomfited, and the triumphant opium-eater takes Ann in his arms, and in two hours he is flying with her in a post-chaise to some spot where, no doubt, they “ lived happily ever afterwards.” Such was the French poet’s conception of the proper consummation of De Quincey’s simple and pathetic episode; and, to use Dr Garnett’s words, it “ definitively brings poor Ann down from the stars to the streets.” De Quincey’s Daughter of Lebanon, on the other hand, raises her above the stars, to the “ infinite revelation that can be made visible only to dying eyes.” INTRODUCTION. xlix The Daughter oi Lebanon is an example of De Qiiincey’s “passionate prose.” It can scarcely rank in pathos or awful sublimity with the unrivalled Levana, or in spec¬ tacular magnificence with The Dream Fugue, but it is nevertheless a noble piece of imaginative narrative, exquisitely restrained and finished, and pervaded throughout by a spirit of pure and exalted religious emotion. Professor Masson has suggested that the connection between The Daughter of Lebanon and The Con¬ fessions is rather forced; and many, no doubt, will feel that there is something of unreality in transforming the poor London outcast and pariah into a lady of transcendent beauty and the daughter of a prince; in taking her from the unlovely London pavements and placing her amid the garden of the world. In such criticism there is perhaps much justice. The pathos of the real story is not heightened by idealising the circumstances; but De Quincey had the authority of his dreams for the change, and to his dreams he always attached an extraordinary and even extravagant importance. Perhaps, too, he wished to enforce this lesson— that sympathy and love, helpfulness and heroism, are the only royal insignia of the soul, and that the joy in heaven over one sinner that repenteth is one and the same, whether the sinner be a poor London prostitute or the daughter of a line of kings. The following will show clearly the difference between the two versions of the Confessions in point of length, and will help the student to distinguish between the original and later work. Enlarged Edition of “ The Confessions.” Pp. 1-11: entirely new, substituted for about two pages in the original. Pp. 11-26 : entirely new, save for one line. d I DE QUINCEY. Pp. 26-70: replaces about two and a half pages in the original, in which De Quincey (1) briefly mentions his own attainments in Greek; (2) speaks rather contemptuously of the head-master of Manchester Grammar School; (3) tells us of his own desire to be removed, the opposition on the part of his guardians, his own determination to run away, and the £10 received from a lady friend;—nothing, it is to be noticed, about his bad health. Pp. 70-75 (“It is a just and feeling remark” to “I should inflict upon him ”): an expansion of a single paragraph in the original. Pp. 75-7 9: expansion of a single paragraph; the “ whispering gallery ” incident being added. Pp. 79-80: practically reproduced from the edition of 1822. Pp. 80-104 : entirely new. Pp. 104-109 : reproduced from the original edition, but considerably altered. Pp. 109-119 : entirely new, replacing some twenty lines in the edition of 1822. Pp. 119-121 : reproduced, with slight change, from the original. Pp. 121-139 : entirely new. Pp. 139-164 : practically reproduced from the edition of 1822. Pp. 164-182 : practically reproduced from the edition of 1822. Pp. 182-198 : the same in both editions. Pp. 199-217 : save for a few sentences, quite new; the corre.sponding passage in the original occupying about two pages. Pp. 217-237 : the same in both editions, except that two paragraphs near the end have been completely altered. Finally, an Appendix written for the edition of 1822 was omitted in the edition of 1856, and two other Appendices INTRODUCTION. li and The Daughter of Lebanon added. The original preface was reprinted (considerably altered), and a new prefatory note supplied. V. DE QUl^^CEY ANT) OPIUM. The reader of the enlarged edition of De Quincey’s Confessions will, from that work alone, find it extremely difficult, if not impossible, to arrive at any definite con¬ clusions as to the actual history of De Quincey’s career as an opium-eater, and as to the writer’s mature opinion on opium generallyj/l)oes De Quincey seek to justify the habit of opium-eating on ethical grounds, or does he not ? On the lower platform of prudence and expediency, is the reader warned against opium, or encouraged to look to it as a means of safety and support ? What were the effects of opium on De Quincey himself,—baneful or the reverse ? All these questions receive in the course of the Confessions various and not always mutually consistent answers. The narrative, moreover, is rendered still more intricate and confused by the multitudinous digressions with which it is sprinkled, and by the minute treatment which the writer bestows upon incidents which have only an indirect bearing upon the subject in hand. Lastly, although De Quincey’s attitude of mind had undergone considerable modifications between the years 1821 and 1856, that is to say, between the date of the original and that of the enlarged Confessions, he, notwithstanding, reproduces in the latter, with few alterations, long passages from the former, which very largely contradict statements and expressions of opinion standing side by side with them. This last point, which has already been dwelt upon, is one which the student must bear carefully in mind. If he finds contradictions in the Confessions, he must ascertain which of the mutually inconsistent passages appeared for the first time in the Hi DE QUINCEY. edition of 1856; and, so far as De Quincey’s matured con¬ victions are concerned, lie must ignore the passage which is reproduced from the edition of 1822. The following pages will, it is hoped, make clear much that De Quincey in the Confessions leaves dark, or at any rate somewhat obscure. And first as to actual facts : De Quincey’s first introduction to opium was in the spring or autumn of 1804 (165, 1661). He was then an Oxford undergraduate of nineteen years of age, and had come up to London to spend his vacation. A college friend, accidentally encountered in the street, recommended opium as a remedy for rheumatic toothache, from which De Quincey had been suffering “ excruciating pains ” for about twenty days. The drug was procured at a chemist’s “ near the stately Pantheon,” and De Quincey discovered that it not only performed the negative office of immediately banishing the bodily pain, but also the positive office of revealing an “ abyss of divine enjoyment” (167). From this date (1804) to 1812 De Quincey became an intermitting opium-eater. “ He used to fix beforehand how often within a given time, when and with what accessory circumstances of festal joy, he would commit a debauch of opium ” ; and this debauch used to occur about once in every three weeks (175). The effects of opium are, during tliis period, nothing but pleasant; he takes an enhanced delight in the Italian Opera, in the ^perraveXo) of the divine Grassini; he finds an additional pleasure in wander¬ ing in the poorer districts of London on Saturday nights, and mingling and conversing with the humbler section of .>^the population (175-182). In the spring of 1812 De Quincey is in the Lake Country, is ** pretty well,” and is taking a great quantity of opium. Still he is only a “ dilletante ” opium-eater ; he 1 The references are to the pages of the present edition of 1 he Confessions, INTRODUCTION. liii allows sufficient intervals between every indulgence, and consequently opium has not become necessary as “ an article of daily diet” (185). But in 1813 comes a “different era.” Do Quincey had M in the summer of 1812 “ suffered much in bodily health from distress of mind connected with a melancholy event ” (the death of little Kate Wordsworth). This may have brought on the terrible disorder which attacked him in 1813, a “ most appalling irritation of the stomach,” identical with the pains he had suffered in the old days when he slept beneath the roof of Mr Brunnel, or wandered along the London pavements with Ann of Oxford Street. The old dreams, too, are revived. From this year De Quincey became “ a regular and confirmed (no longer an intermitting) opium- eater” (185). Misery drove him to opium, and in opium he found the only available relief. There are no longer “ intervals between every indulgence.” He eats opium every day ; daily he calls for “a glass of laudanum-negus, warm, and without sugar ” (175). For three years this sort of thing continued. In 1816, however—the year of De Quincey’s marriage—there was a change for the better. The daily allowance of opium suddenly dropped from 320 grains (or 8000 drops of laudanum) to 40 grains (or 1000 drops), and this year is described as the happiest in De Quincey’s life (188). But the happiness was of brief duration. The very next year (1817) De Quincey was utterly prostrated. “For nearly two years,” he says, “I believe that I read nothing and studied nothing.” A great work on metaphysics wa^ abandoned. For a time De Quincey was aroused from his mental lethargy by Ricardo’s Prmcijples of Political Economy (1818-1819?), and he was able to draw up a “ Prolegomena to all future systems of Political Economy,”— never destined to see the light; for the period of activity was but “ a momentary flash ” (220). De Quincey was liv DE QUINCE Y. again under the “ Circean spell.” The years 1819 to 1820 are those in which De Quincey’s sufl'erings appear to have been greatest. This is the period of those terrible dreams— With dreadful faces thronged and fiery arms, described in the closing pages of the Confessions. De Quincey was afraid to sleep. Sometimes he kept aloof from sleep “by sitting up the whole night and following day.” Then, apparently in 1820, a crisis arrived, and De Quincey saw that he must die if he continued the opium.^ ^ The present editor cannot be certain as to these dates. Dr Japp, in a note contributed to Dr Garnett’s edition of the early Confessions (p. 266), si)eaks of the second period of De Quincey’s prostration under opium lasting only during the years 1817-1818. Professor Masson says that De Quincey freed himself from the opium bondage in 1819, or perhaps later. In the original Confessions De Quincey gives the year 1819, not 1818, as the date on which he received Ricardo’s book ; and he expressly tells us that the emancipation brought about by Ricardo was only a very temporary business. Again, De Quincey, in the original Confessions, says that he was under the ‘ ‘ Circean spell of opium for four years. ” The word ‘ ‘ four ” is omitted in the enlarged edition ; and in the paper entitled Recollections of Charles Lamb (Works, iii. 71-73), written in 1838, he ^ , seems to say expressly that it was in 1821, and in London, that he “descended the mighty ladder” and freed himself from opium. At the same time, the supposed opium-dreams belong to the years 1817-1820. The last dream is, in the original Confessions, dated 1820 ; and the original Confessions, which are much more consistent as to facts than the enlarged edition, lead one to understand that the “ unwinding of the cursed chain ” took place after the period to which the dreams that are described belong. On the other hand, in the year 1819 De Quincey could not have been irtterly prostrated by opium, for he was then busily engaged in editing the Westmore¬ land Gazette, and was perhaps—though this is doubtful-writing for Blackwood’s and The Quarterly. Perhaps we shall not be far wrong if we conclude that the worst years were 1817 and 1818 ; that after the temporary awakening effected by Ricardo (perhaps in 1819), De Quincey again gave way, but not so completely, and that it was not till the spring of 1821 that the “triumph” spoken of in the Confessions was realised. INTRODUCTION. Iv Accordingly, he reduced his allowance to forty, thirty, and even twelve grains a day. This is the triumph ” which he records in the Confessions. In 1822, we learn from De Quincey’s appendix to the earlier Confessions, he made a violent effort to abstain from opium altogether, hut the experiment was only successful for half a week, and had to be abandoned. De Quincey’s third “ fall,” the biographers tell us, was in 1823-24. But as this was a period of great intellectual activity on De Quincey’s part, a period in which a great deal of literary work was produced, his prostration could not have been so severe as on the former occasions. For the next twenty years we are to regard De Quincey as a regular but not an excessive opium-eater, but in 1844 the old complaint brought on another plunge into the opium abyss, and De Quincey took as much as 5000 drops a day. A severe struggle again liberated him from thraldom. Once, in 1848, he gave up opium entirely for two months, but with this exception he continued to take opium in small quantities until his death in 1859. Towards the end he ceased to suffer from the agonies of the disease which had made opium a necessity. Such is the history of De Quincey’s career as an opium eater. To recapitulate. From 1804 to 1812 De Quincey was an “ intermitting,” but not confirmed opium-eater. From 1813 to his death he may be termed an inveterate, and practically incurable, opium-eater, but, save for four periods, not indulging to excess. The periods of prostration were 1813-14, 1817-20, 1823-24, 1843-44. On four occasions—the dates of which are difficult to fix precisely— opium was abandoned altogether. The next question is of a more difficult and at the same time more important nature. What are De Quincey’s final convictions on the practice of opium-eating, and how far is Ivi DE QUINCE Y. he to be blamed or exonerated for making public those views ? The answer to the latter part of the question will of course depend upon the answer to the former part, that is to say, upon the judgment pronounced on the soundness or unsoundness of De Quincey’s position. De Quincey was entirely conscious that, at the time he wrote, any com¬ mendation of opium whatsoever was sure to meet with a storm of popular prejudice,—a prejudice which even to-day has not died out, as may be seen from the late agitation in connection with the opium question in India. In the Confessions, the practice of opium-eating in moderation is defended on two grounds, which are perfectly distinct,—first as a luxury, secondly as a medicine. The second is a matter which can only be decided by the final verdict of medical science, the first lies within the province of the moralist. May opium-eating be justified when the drug is resorted to merely on account of the pleasurable sensations it is capable of calling forth 1 On this point De Quincey dwells but lightly. It cannot be said that he anywhere advises the consumption of opium for such a purpose; he only argues that it is unfair to condemn the opium-eater as such, while the moderate consumer of alcoholic liquors, or the moderate smoker of tobacco, is allowed to rank as a respectable member of society. If we demur, De Quincey poses us with a problem in ethics: “Is pleasure, if harmless, ever to be sought for its own sake, and not merely as a means to some definite end ? ” If it is, then, provided that it can be shown that the consumption of opium in small quantities is not harmful, there can be no vice in occasionally, and with due precautions, indulging in it. If, on the other hand, it is always vicious to seek gratification, save when the means of gratification is also a means towards increased bodily health, or increased bodily or mental activity, then the practice of opium-eating is exactly on the same moral INTRODUCTION. Ivii platform as the practice of wiiie-drinking or tobacco¬ smoking. Such, then, seems to be De Quincey’s attitude on the ethical side of the question, and it is mainly a negative one. If it be urged that the use of opium is to be con¬ demned even when taken in moderation, since moderate opium-eating has a tendency to develop into excessive eating, of which the effects are ruinously harmful, De Quincey answers that all these arguments are equally powerful when urged against alcohol, and even more so, since in ordinary circumstances the habit of wine-drinking can less easily be thrown off than the habit of opium-eating, and the immedi¬ ate effects of a bout of drunkenness are far more pernicious and morally lowering than the effects of a “ debauch ” of opium. Here, then, we may leave the ethical question. That the opium-eater is not necessarily a depraved person is all that De Quincey contends for. He recommends no one, hitherto unacquainted with the seductive drug, to cultivate a taste for it. He strongly and even passionately urges those who have unfortunately become excessive opium-eaters to strive as far as possible to free themselves from the overmastering tyranny; and he increases the value of his exhortation by showing the steps by which such a deliverance may be most safely and most surely accomplished. Coleridge, as we know, accused De Quincey of con¬ sciously playing the diabolical part of tempter. The Confessions had been, he wrote, “ the occasion of seducing others into the withering vice through wantonness.” Such an accusation was manifestly unjust, and De Quincey may be more than pardoned for resenting it bitterly. It is difficult to believe that any sane and intelligent reader could be allured into indulging in opium-eating from a study of De Quincey ’s C'o^i'/em'ows— could be tempted, with De Quincey’s example before him, into a habit so hard to Iviii DE QUINCEY. shake off, of which the consequences were at times so terribly painful. Some may have been so seduced, but for them De Quincey cannot be held responsible. Such persons, if they ever existed, must have read into the book a moral which the author never put there, which no impartial reader ever found there. We have now to consider De Quincey’s personal use and recommendation of opium on grounds perfectly distinct from its pleasure-giving capacities. Dr Eatwell, in his medical view of De Quincey’s case—a paper to which we shall have to make many references—declares that in the Confessions De Quincey “entirely removes his case from the region of ethics into that of therapeutics. De Quincey’s was not a case of opium-eating in the ordinary and objectionable sense of the word.” This statement, perhaps, requires some modification. It is perfectly true that De Quincey first took opium as an anodyne, and for no other reason; it is also true that from the year 1813 to his death, opium in moderate quantities was a physical necessity, and was latterly consciously taken as such; but we have De Quincey’s own statement, repeated more than once, that between the year 1804 and 1812 he took opium on account of the pleasure it afforded him. It is very probable, nay, almost certain, that during that period opium was actually playing a useful part in counteracting the effects of a painful disease contracted long before, as well as resisting a still more fatal malady which he had inherited, but he appears to have been unconscious ^ of this at the time, and con- 1 A passage added in the enlarged edition seems inconsistent with this. There (pp. 212-218) De Quincey asserts that even in the period between 1804 and 1812 he took opium for its medicinal properties, and by its aid effected an ‘ ‘ absolute conquest over all pulmonary symptoms.” Now, this is a question not of opinion, but of fact ; and in matter of fact the earlier Confessions —if an equal desire for truth INTRO D UCTION lix sequently must be judged after a consideration of the motives he consciously placed before his eyes. These motives, on his own confession, were purely hedonistic. But it must be remembered, in mitigation of any harsh sentence which might be pronounced against De Quincey, that exactly during the period in which he indulged in opium for its own sake, he was not in any sense a slave to opium. He was then able to regulate his opium doses so carefully that no evil effects, bodily or mental, accrued from them. De Quincey’s various prostrations under the influence of opium were due to physical causes which had their origin in agencies quite other than opium. That origin must be traced to a painful disease, brought on in part, and in part intensified by the sufferings which De Quincey underwent in his youth. The whole subject has been thoroughly examined by Dr Eatwell in the paper already alluded to. A careful study of Dr Eatwell’s paper will show that the account given by De Quincey of the beneficial effects wrought on his own constitution by opium is, in all its main points, amply borne out by specialists who have given particular attention to opium, and who have had the most favourable opportunities of studying the matter in countries where indulgence in opium is most common. It will be remembered that De Quincey in the enlarged Confessions (p. 203) solemnly declares that, but for opium, he would have been in his grave thirty-five years before the date at which he wrote (1856). Opium pro¬ longed his life, and that against two separate enemies : first, pulmonary consumption, which he had inherited from his father (p. 212); and second, that painful on the part of the author in both cases be admitted—are to be pre¬ ferred to the later. If De Quincey had been in those years actually aware of the service opium was rendering him in resisting inherited consumption, it seems impossible to believe that he would not have mentioned the fact in the Confessions of 1821. lx DE QUINCE Y. internal disease, wliicli first manifested itself when De Quincey was a schoolboy at Manchester, and which, intensified by the Welsh wanderings and the vagabond life in London, brought on the most excruciating physical agonies, first in London, secondly in Westmoreland in 1813, and at intervals in later periods of De Quincey’s life. For both these afflictions De Quincey believed opium to be the sole remedy. As regards consumption he is sup¬ ported by a medical authority. Dr Brinton, quoted by Dr Eatwell; and in the case of the other malady, which Dr Eatwell describes as “gastrodynia . . . combined probably with ulceration (chronic gastric ulcer) of the mucous membranes of the stomach,” both by Dr Brinton and, most emphatically, by Dr Eatwell himself. The latter goes very carefully into all the symptoms described or hinted at by De Quincey himself in the Confessions and in the autobiographical sketches, and quotes also from information gathered from Mrs Baird Smith, De Quincey’s daughter, and Mr Hogg, his publisher and friend. All this he com¬ pares with cases of the same disease which have come within his own and other physicians’ experience in India, —cases in which the causes were the same as with De Quincey (for instance, insufficient diet^), in which the symptoms were also the same, namely, “ gnawing pains ” in the stomach, torment so ghastly that “ the unfortunate sufferer was frequently driven to the commission of suicide,” inability to retain solid food, &c., &c., and for which opium is acknowledged as “pre-eminently the remedy.” In conclusion. Dr Eatwell does not hesitate to ^ Dr Eatwell especially quotes a passage omitted by De Quincey in the later Confessions, in which he tells us that during the latter part of his Welsh wanderings he “subsisted either on blackberries, hips, haws, &c., or on the casual hospitality which I now and then received in return for such little services as I had an opportunity of rendering. ” INTRODUCTION. Ixi say that, in his opinion, “ whatever might have been the degree of abuse of opium, the drug had in reality been the means of preserving and prolonging his life ”; and again, “as far as human aid went, it was to opium that De Quincey was indebted for relief from grievous bodily anguish, and for the prolongation of his life to a ripe old age.” In other respects it would not be difficult to show that several of De Quincey’s “ ex cathedra ” utterances on the question of opium receive the support of recent pro¬ fessional investigations. The report of the recent Opium Commission will afford abundant proof of this, and the present editor has before him a copy of the Transactions of the South Indian Branch of the British Medical Association, 1894, which contains a very interesting paper by Surgeon- Major W. B. Browning on the subject of opium, as well as testimony borne by a number of others who took part in the discussion which followed, and who were thoroughly qualified, from scientific knowledge and professional ex¬ perience, to speak with certainty on the matter. This dis¬ cussion in some respects serves as a very curious com¬ mentary to De Quincey’s Confessions. De Quincey maintains that opium, “judiciously regu¬ lated,” “ tranquillises all irritations of the nervous sys¬ tem” (p. 2) ; and again, it is “ an anodyne against nervous irritation,” which is “the secret desolator of human life.” Dr Browning says, “ According to Wilks, by its action on the nervous system it diminishes the functional activity, thus lessening wear and tear of tissue, and so tends to sus¬ tain or prolong life.” “ My own impression is,” he adds, “we don’t use it enough.” Again, De Quincey claims for opium a power of “ stimulating the capacities of enjoyment ” (p. 2), and, further on, denies that the consumption of a dose of ojiium is necessarily followed by a period of drowsi¬ ness or torpor (p. 174). Dr J. JSffiild Cook, recording his observations of opium-eating amongst the feudal retainers Ixii DE QUINCE Y of a Eajpoot chief in Kathiawar, says : “Asa matter of fact, I noticed no effect at all, except that they all got very jolly ; none of them showed any symptoms of drowsiness, I believe they were all accustomed to take it twice a day. . . After about an hour, all the opium having been finished, they got up and went away.” Thirdly, De Quincey de¬ clares that opium, “ under any call for extraordinary exertion, sustains . , . the else drooping animal energies.” This contention is supported by Colonel Baird Smith (quoted by Dr Eatwell), and also very emphatically by Dr Browning in the address already referred to. “ One of the shrewdest natives I have ever met,” he says, “ regularly consumed opium during his business hours ; and when he had any specially important business to transact, he invariably took a preliminary dose of opium.” Again, agricultural labourers take opium because “ it helps them to stand ex¬ posure and fatigue ” ; and a “ Munshi ” declared that “by the help of opium he had compiled a three volume book, of 1200 pages a volume.” Testimonies to the same purport might be easily multiplied. In the latter part of the Confessions, De Quincey inveighs against the injustice caused by insurance companies refusing policies to applicants merely on the ground of their being confessed opium-eaters. This appears to have been the general practice at the time he wrote (1856), although he looks for a change in the rule at no very distant date. It would, no doubt, have gratified the venerable “ opium- eater,” who had battled so vehemently against what he considered a pernicious popular prejudice, to have heard an influential physician declare, as Dr Browning declares, that “ as an examiner for life insurance, he had rejected many in connection with alcohol, none for the opium habit.” ^ ^ Mr Duncan M^^Laughlan Slater, Manager and Actuary of the Oriental Government Security Life Assurance Company, in his evidence before the Royal Commission on Opium, at Bombay, 13th- INTRODUCTION. Ixiii Enough has been said to show that De Quincey in his views on the uses and effects of opium was far in front of his generation; and this, allowing for every advantage arising from a personal experience extending over half a century, was a very remarkable thing in a writer who Avas only a man of letters, and whose medical knowledge must have been derived merely from desultory reading. In two points De Quincey undoubtedly overvalued the virtues of opium, first in its power to clear the intellect and elevate the emotions, secondly in its power to summon up majestic dreams and pompous or awful visions. De Quincey declares that opium introduces amongst the mental faculties the most exquisite order, regulation, and harmony ; “ that in the opium-eater ” the diviner part of hi? nature is paramount—that is, the moral affections are in a state of cloudless serenity, and, high over all, the great light of the majestic intellect. On this point we cannot do better than quote Dr Eatwell. “ It is requisite,” he says , “ not to be carried away by these eloquent utterances. Opium cannot communicate to the brain any power or faculty of which it is not already possessed; although (as in De Quincey’s case), by subduing an enemy which had by its painful assaults on a remote part of the nervous system, temporarily jiaralysed the central power of the intellect, it might again restore harm ony of actiqD --ta J'.hese powe rs. It could in no w^ ■ create moraTlS^tions, though it might resuscitate them by removing from them an overwhelming load of physical suffering. It could add no iota to the great light of the majestic intellect, although, when this might be suffering a temporary eclipse—as was too frequently the 17th February 1894, declared that no extra premium was charged in the case of moderate opium-eaters, and that all the medical referees of the Company had, without exception, advocated that eaters of opium in modei’ate quantities should be taken without any extra premium. DE QUINCE Y. Ixiv case with this great writer, when his gnawing malady pervaded his entire consciousness with torments which dominated the power of thought—it might, under such circumstances, restore that great light hy dissipating the shadow that obscured it.” With regard to the dreams which De Quincey has depicted so gorgeously, the fallacy is no less apparent. The dreams were born of De Quincey’s own nature, not of opium. He was a dreamer of dreams, a seer of visions, from his earliest childhood ; as, indeed, we learn from the autobiographical sketches. Endowed with a temperament the most imaginative, he was wont, even in the daytime, under the influence of strong emotions, to conjure up involuntarily all manner of unsubstantial visions, beautiful, deeply pathetic, or at times awful and sublime. If his “ opium dreams ” were terrible and soul-afflicting, so also were the dreams that visited him when he lay asleep with the little friendless waif in the attorney’s desolate house in Greek Street. These dreams, too, were “tumultuous,” and “ were only not so awful as those which I shall have here¬ after to describe as produced (as he believed) by opium.” During the first period of opium-eating we hear of no terrific dreaming : only when once more attacked by the fierce internal disorder were his nightly visions oppressive and awe-inspiring. In conclusion, the student should perhaps be warned against being misled by the chapter entitled -The Pleasures of Opium. The “delights” De Quincey describes are not those lower and sensual pleasures which opium and alcohol provide to savage and scholar alike, but pleasures of the mind and higher senses,—philosophic or poetical reverie, keen delight in exquisite music, acute sympathy with the joys and sorrows of one’s fellow-creatures. These joys, as we have seen, opium cannot bestow, save in a negative, indirect way, by removing temporarily agencies which I NT ROD UC TION. Ixv militate against them ; and even thus can only bestow to those favoured individuals who are by nature and training, morally and intellectually, capable of receiving them. The “happiest year in De Quincey’s life,” described in The Pleasures of Oipium, owed to the drug none of its blessed¬ ness. Indeed, it was only when the quantity of opium doses was diminished that the happiness began. De Quincey, it is easy to see, was happy in that year because he was once more restored to health and cheerfulness of spirit; because, once again, he could turn with pleasure and enthusiasm to the intellectual pursuits which had been his food for so long; because, above all, he then found in his newly-wedded wife a comrade and an helpmate, to whom more than any other he could “ fly for comfort.” If the world owes anything to opium, in that it preserved De Quincey’s life and enabled him to enrich English literature with so much superb prose, it owes more to Margaret Simpson, in that she guided the great writer through his blackest hours, and saved him from sinking irretrievably beneath the spell of that drug which, at first and at last a legitimate support, had all but become a ruinous destroyer. e m ^ t^Uj « _ IpH’/, J}?rflvjffrt»!V>'ij :i'> iC'».f>^*.'^iJj^.'t TI'wIJ -**i? f ll^^r t*-»» ^ T **• f t i : i ♦ . > . . fc. • J. ___ 'SW fi ^ >. H •>. *4h- w - f» lA.*. 1 I'.r**# - «>.. ’ ^ T T ^ -r.. ” . .'. ■ ..'fV^ ■ ■> ^ ‘S' ,'i''''’ 4’»"- -*rn,‘V': - r*'’ PEEFACE TO THE ORIGINAL EDITION OF 1822. TO THE READER I HERE present you, courteous reader, with the record of a remarkable period of my life : according to my application of it, I trust that it will prove not merely an interesting record, but, in a considerable degree, useful and instructive. In that hope it is that I have drawn it up; and that must be my apology for breaking through that delicate and honour¬ able reserve which, for the most part, restrains us from the public exposure of our own errors and infirmities. Nothing, indeed, is more revolting to English feelings than the spec¬ tacle of a human being obtruding on our notice his moral ulcers, or scars, and tearing away that decent drapery ” which time, or indulgence to human frailty, may have drawn over them : accordingly, the greater part of our confessions (that is, spontaneous and extra-judicial confessions) proceed from demireps, adventurers, or swindlers; and, for any such acts of gratuitous self-humiliation from those who can be supposed in sympathy with the decent and self-respecting- part of society, we must look to French literature, or to that part of the German which is tainted with the spurious and defective sensibility of the French. All this I feel so forcibly, and so nervously am I alive to reproach of this tendency, that I have for many months hesitated about the propriety of allowing this, or any part of my narrative, to come before the public eye until after my death (when, for many reasons, the whole will be published): and it is not without an Ixviii ORIGINAL PREFACE. anxious review of the reasons for and against this step that I have, at last, concluded on taking it. Guilt and misery shrink, by a natural instinct, from public notice : they court privacy and solitude; and, even in their choice of a grave, will sometimes sequester themselves from the general population of the churchyard, as if declining to claim fellowship with the great family of man, and wishing (in the affecting language of Mr. Wordsworth) -‘ ‘ humbly to express A penitential loneliness.” It is well, upon the whole, and for the interest of us all, that it should he so ; nor would I willingly, in my own person, manifest a disregard of such salutary feelings; nor in act or word do anything to weaken them. But, on the one hand, as my self-accusation does not amount to a confession of guilt, so, on the other, it is possible that, if it did, the benefit re¬ sulting to others, from the record of an experience purchased at so heavy a price, might compensate, by a vast overbalance, for any violence done to the feelings I have noticed, and justify a breach of the general rule. Infirmity and misery do not, of necessity, imply guilt. They approach, or recede from, the shades of that dark alliance, in proportion to the probable motives and prospects of the offender, and the palliations, known or secret, of the offence; in proportion as the temptations to it were potent from the first, and the resistance to it, in act or in effort, was earnest to the last. For my own part, without breach of truth or modesty, I may affirm that my life has been, on the whole, the life of a philosopher: from my birth I was made an intellectual creature; and intellectual in the highest sense my pursuits and pleasures have been, even from” my school-boy days. If opium-eating be a sensual pleasure, and if I am bound to confess that I have indulged in it to an excess, not yet recorded ^ of any other man, it is no less true that I have ^ “ Not yot recorded,” I say ; for there is one celebrated man of the present day who, if all be true which is reported of him, has greatly exceeded me in quantity. ORIGINAL PREFACE. Ixix struggled against this fascinating enthralment with a reli¬ gious zeal, and have at length accomplished what I never yet heard attributed to any other man—have untwisted, almost to its final links, the accursed chain which fettered me. Such a self-conquest may reasonably he set off in counter¬ balance to any kind or degree of self-indulgence. Not to insist that, in my case, the self-conquest was unquestionable, the self-indulgence open to doubts of casuistry, according as that name shall he extended to acts aiming at the hare relief of pain, or shall he restricted to such as aim at the excitement of positive pleasure. Guilt, therefore, I do not acknowledge; and, if I did, it is possible that I might still resolve on the present act of confession, in consideration of the service which I may thereby render to the whole class of opium-eaters. But who are they 1 Reader, I am sorry to say, a very numerous class indeed. Of this I became convinced, some years ago, by computing, at that time, the number of those in one small class of English society (the class of men distinguished for talents, or of eminent station) who were known to me, directly, or indirectly, as opium-eaters : such, for instance, as the eloquent and benevolent-; the late Dean of - ; Lord-; Mr-, the philosopher; a late under¬ secretary of state (who described to me the sensation which first drove him to the use of opium in the very same words as the Dean of-, viz. “ that he felt as though rats were gnawing and abrading the coats of his stomach ”) ; Mr-; and many others, hardly less known, whom it would be tedious to mention. Now, if one class, comparatively so limited, could furnish so many scores of cases (and that within the knowledge of one single inquirer), it was a natural inference that the entire population of England would furnish a proportionable number. The soundness of this inference, however, I doubted, until some facts became known to me, which satisfied me that it was not incorrect. I will mention two. 1. Three respectable London druggists, in widely remote quarters of London, from whom I happened lately to be purchasing small quantities of opium, assured Ixx ORIGINAL PREFACE. me that the number of amateur opium-eaters (as I may term them) was, at this time, immense; and that the difficulty of distinguishing these persons, to whom habit had rendered opium necessary, from such as were purchasing it with a view to suicide, occasioned thpm daily trouble and disputes. This evidence respected London only. But, 2 (which will possibly surprise the reader more), some years ago, on passing through Manchester, I was informed by several cotton manu¬ facturers that their Avork-people were rapidly getting into the practice of opium-eating •, so much so, that on a Saturday afternoon the counters of the druggists were strewed with pills of one, two, or three grains, in preparation for the known demand of the evening. The immediate occasion of this practice was the lowness of wages, which, at that time, would not allow them to indulge in ale or spirits; and, wages rising, it may be thought that this practice would cease : hut, as I do not readily believe that any man, having once tasted the divine luxuries of opium, will afterwards descend to the gross and mortal enjoyments of alcohol, I take it for granted “ That those eat now who never ate before. And those who always ate now eat the more.” Indeed, the fascinating powers of opium are admitted even by medical writers, who are its greatest enemies : thus, for instance, Awsiter, apothecary to Greenwich Hospital, in his “ Essay on the Effects of Opium ” (published in the year 1763), when attempting to explain why Mead had not been sufficiently explicit on the properties, counter-agents, &c,, of this drug, expresses himself in the following mysterious terms (^wmvTa o-weToia-t) : “ Perhaps he thought the sub¬ ject of too delicate a nature to he made common ; and, as many people might then indiscriminately use it, it would take from that necessary fear and caution which should pre¬ vent their experiencmg the extensive power of this drug; for there are many properties in it^ if universally knoum, that would habituate the use, and make it more in request with us than the Turks themselves; the result of which knowledge,” ORIGINAL PREFACE. Ixxi he adds, “must prove a general misfortune.” In the necessity of this conclusion I do not altogether concur; hut upon that point I shall have occasion to speak at the close of my Confessions, where I shall present the reader with the moral of my narrative. Ixxii P RE FA TOR V NO TICE PREFATOEY NOTICE TO THE NEW AND ENLARGED EDITION OF 1856. When it had been settled that, in the general series of these republications, the Confessions of an English Opium- Eater” should occupy the Fifth Volume, I resolved to avail myself most carefully of the opening thus made for a revision of the entire work. By accident, a considerable part of the Confessions (all, in short, except the Dreams) had originally been written hastily; and, from various causes, had never received any strict revision, or, virtually, so much as an ordinary verbal correction. But a great deal more was wanted than this. The main narrative should naturally have moved through a succession of secondary incidents; and, with leisure for recalling these, it might have been greatly inspirited. Wanting all opportunity for such advantages, this narrative had been needlessly impoverished. And thus it had happened that not so properly correction and retrenchment were called for as integration of what had been left imperfect, or amplification of what, from the first, had been insufficiently expanded. With these views, it would not have been difficult (though toilsome) to re-cast the little work in a better mould; and the result might, in all reason, count upon the approbation at least of its own former readers. Compared with its own former self, the hook must certainly tend, by its very principle of change, whatever should he the execution of that change, to become better: and in my own opinion, after all drawbacks and allowances for the faulty exemplification of a good principle, it is better. This should he a matter of mere logical or inferential necessity; since, TO THE ENLARGED EDITION. Ixxiii in pure addition to everything previously approved, there would now he a clear surplus of extra matter—all that might he good in the old work, and a great deal beside that was new. Meantime this improvement has been won at a price of labour and suffering that, if they could be truly stated, would seem incredible, A nervous malady, of very peculiar character, which has attacked me intermittingly for the last eleven years, came on in May last, almost con¬ currently with the commencement of this revision ; and so obstinately has this malady pursued its noiseless, and what I may call subterraneous, siege, since none of the symptoms are externally manifested, that, although pretty nearly dedicating myself to this one solitary labour, and not intermitting or relaxing it for a single day, I have yet spent, within a very few days, six calendar months upon the re-cast of this one small volume. The consequences have been distressing to all concerned. The press has groaned under the chronic visitation; the compositors shudder at the sight of my handwriting, though not objectionable on the score of legibility; and I have much reason to fear that, on days when the pressure of my complaint has been heaviest, I may have so far given way to it as to have suffered greatly in clearness of critical vision. Sometimes I may have overlooked blunders, mis-statements, or repetitions, implicit or even express. But more often I may have failed to appreciate the true effects from faulty management of style and its colourings. Sometimes, for instance, a heavy or too intricate arrangement of sentences may have defeated the tendency of what, under its natural presentation, would have been affecting; or it is possible enough that, by unseasonable levity at other times, I may have repelled the sympathy of my readers—all or some. Endless are the openings for such kinds of mistake—that is, of mistakes not fully seen as such. But, even in a case of unequivocal mistake, seen and acknowledged, yet, when it is open to remedy only through a sudden and energetic act then or never,—the press being for twenty minutes, suppose, free to receive an alteration, but beyond that time closed Ixxiv P RE FA TOR y NO TICE and sealed inexorably ; sncli being supposed the circum¬ stances, the humane reader will allow for the infirmity which even wilfully and consciously surrenders itself to the error, acquiescing in it deliberately rather than face the eruel exertion of correcting it most elaborately at a moment of siekening misery, and with the prevision that the main correction must draw after it half-a-dozen others for the sake of decent consistency. I am not speaking under any present consciousness of such a case existing against myself : I believe there is none such. But I choose to suppose an extreme case of even conscious error, in order that venial cases of oversight may, under shelter of such an outside license, find toleration from a liberal critic. To fight up against the wearing siege of an abiding sickness imposes a fiery combat. I attempt no descrqDtion of this combat, knowing the unintelligibility and the repulsiveness of all attempts to communicate the incommunicable. But the generous reader will not, for that forbearance on my part, the less readily show his indulgenee, if a case should (unexpectedly to myself) arise for claiming it. I have thus made the reader acquainted with one out of two cross currents that tended to thwart my efforts for im¬ proving this little work. There was, meantime, another, less open to remedy from my own uttermost efforts. All along I had relied upon a crowning grace, which I had reserved for the final pages of this volume, in a succession of some twenty or twenty-five dreams and noon-day visions, which had arisen under the latter stages of opium influence. These have disappeared: some under circumstances which allow me a reasonable prospect of recovering them; some unaccountably; and some dishonourably. Five or six, I believe, were burned in a sudden conflagration which arose from the spark of a eandle falling unobserved amongst a very large pile of papers in a bedroom, when I was alone and reading. Falling not on, but amongst and within the papers, the fire would soon have been ahead of conflict; and, by communicating with the slight woodwork and draperies of the bed, it would have immediately enveloped TO THE ENLARGED EDITION. Ixxv tlie laths of a ceiling overhead, and. thus the house, far from fire-engines, would have been burned down in half-an-hour. My attention was first drawn by a sudden light upon my book : and the whole difference between a total destruction of the premises and a trivial loss (from books charred) of five guineas was due to a large Spanish cloak. This, thrown over, and then drawn doAvn tightly, by the aid of one sole person, somewhat agitated, but retaining her presence of mind, effectually extinguished the fire. Amongst the papers burned partially, but not so burned as to be absolutely irretrievable, Avas the “ Daughter of Lebanon ” ; and this I have printed, and have intentionally placed it at the end, as appropriately closing a record in which the case of poor Ann the Outcast formed not only the most memorable and the most suggestively pathetic incident, but also that which, more than any other, coloured—or (more truly I should say) shaped, moulded and remoulded, composed and de¬ composed—the great body of opium dreams. The search after the lost features of Ann, which I spoke of as pursued in the crowds of London, Avas in a more proper sense pursued through many a year in dreams. The general idea of a search and a chase reproduced itself in many shapes. The person, the rank, the age, the scenical position, all varied themselves for ever; but the same leading traits more or less faintly remained of a lost Pariah AAmman, and of some shadoAvy malice which withdrew her, or attempted to Avith- draAv her, from restoration and from hope. Such is the explanation Avhich I offer Avhy that particular addition which some of my friends had been authorised to look for has not in the main been given, nor for the present could be given ; and, secondly, Avhy that part Avhich is given has been placed in the conspicuous situation (as a closing passage) which it noAV occupies. November 1856. 'ij rjVI', ^ ^ Tfi^woiTii t’Vloil" 9^0^!)^;-?"- li-. \'C:^ '. ■ ... ,.^ ■ ./••‘ICj,.-'-.' *. t^- ■ “? 2 :' 1 .^ fej^' V * i-Vfc .■■i, -31 !.^- ,,. ..vwia-’* CONFESSIONS OF AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EATEE. PAET I. INTRODUCTORY NARRATION, I HAVE often been asked how it was, and through what series of steps, that I became an opium-eater. Was it gradually, tentatively, mistrustingly, as one goes down a shelving beach into a deepening sea, and with a knowledge from the first of the dangers lying on that path ; half-courting those dangers, in fact, whilst seeming to defy them ? Or was it, secondly, in pure ignorance of such dangers, under the misleadings of mercenary fraud ? since oftentimes lozenges for the relief of pulmonary affections found their efficacy upon the opium which they contain,—upon this, and 10 this only, though clamorously disavowing so suspicious an alliance,—and under such treacherous disguises multitudes are seduced into a dependency which they had not foreseen upon a drug which they had not known ; not known even by name or by sight: and thus the case is not rare that the chain of abject slavery is first detected when it has inextri¬ cably wound itself about the constitutional system. Thirdly, and lastly, was it (Fes, by passionate anticipation, I answer, before the question is finished)—was it on a sudden, over¬ mastering impulse derived from bodily anguish ? Loudly 1 20 repeat. Yes; loudly and indignantly—as in answer to a wilful calumny. Simply as an anodyne it was, under the 2 CONFESSION'S OF mere coercion of pain tlie severest, that I first resorted to opium; and precisely that same torment it is, or some variety of that torment, which drives most people to make acquaintance with that same insidious remedy. Such was the fact; such by accident. Meantime, without blame it might have been otherwise. If in early days I had fully understood the subtle powers lodged in this mighty drug (when judiciously regulated), (1) to tranquillise all irritations of the nervous system ; (2) to stimulate the capacities of 10 enjoyment; and (3) under any call for extraordinary exertion (such as all men meet at times) to sustain through twenty-four consecutive hours the else drooping animal energies—most certainly, knowing or suspecting all this, I should have inaugurated my opium career in the character of one seeking extra power and enjoyment, rather than of one shrinking from extra torment. And why not ? If that argued any fault, is it not a fault that most of us commit every day with regard to alcohol ? Are we entitled to use that only as a medicine ? Is wine unlawful, except 20 as an anodyne ? I hope not : else I shall he obliged to counterfeit and to plead some anomalous tic in my little finger; and thus gradually, as in any Ovidian metamorphosis, I, that am at present a truth-loving man, shall change by daily inches into a dissembler. No: the whole race of man proclaim it lawful to drink wine without pleading a medical certificate as a qualification. That same license extends itself therefore to the use of opium ; what a man may lawfully seek in wine surely he may lawfully find in opium; and much more so in those many cases (of which 30 mine happens to be one) where opium deranges the animal economy less by a great deal than an equivalent quantity of alcohol. Coleridge, therefore, was doubly in error when he allowed himself to aim most mifriendly blows at my supposed voluptuousness in the us’e of opium; in error as to a principle, and in error as to a fact. A letter of his, which I will hope that he did not design to have published, but which, however, has been published, points the attention of his correspondent to a broad distinction separating my case AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TEE. 3 as an opium-eater from his own. He, it seems, had fallen excusably (because unavoidably) into this habit of eating opium—as the one sole therapeutic resource available against his particular malady; but I, Avretch that I am, being so notoriously charmed by fairies against pain, must have resorted to opium in the abominable character of an adventurous voluptuary, angling in all streams for variety of pleasures. Coleridge is Avrong to the Avhole extent of what was possible ; Avrong in his fact, wrong in his doctrine ; in his little fact, and his big doctrine. I did not do the lo thing which he charges upon me; and, if I had done it, this Avould not convict me as a citizen of Sybaris or Daphne. There never was a distinction more groundless and visionary than that which it has pleased him to draAV between my motives and his OAvn; nor could Coleridge have possibly OAved this mis-statement to any false information ; since no man surely, on a question of my own private experience, could have pretended to be better informed than myself. Or, if there really is such a person, perhaps he will not think it too much trouble to re-write these Confessions 20 from first to last, correcting their innumerable faults; and, as it hajapens that some parts of the impublished sections for the present are missing, Avould he kindly restore them— brightening the colours that may have faded, rekindling the inspiration that may have drooped; filling up all those chasms which else are likely to remain as permanent dis¬ figurations of my little Avork 1 Meantime the reader Avho takes any interest in such a question will find that I my¬ self (upon such a theme not simply the best, but surely the sole authority) have, Avith.out a shadoAV of variation, ahvays 30 given a different account of the matter. Most truly I have told the reader that not any search after pleasure, but mere extremity of pain from rheumatic toothache—this and nothing else it was that first drove me into the use of opium. Coleridge’s bodily affliction Avas simple rheumatism. Mine, Avhich intermittingly raged for ten years, Avas rheumatism in the face combined Avith toothache. This I had inherited from my father; or inherited (I should rather say) from my 4 CONFESSIONS OF own desperate ignorance; since a trifling dose of colocynth, or of any similar medicine, taken three times a-week, would more certainly than opium have delivered me from that terrific cursed In this ignorance, however, which misled me into making war upon toothache when ripened and manifest¬ ing itself in elfects of pain, rather than upon its germs and gathering causes, I did but follow the rest of the world. To intercept the evil whilst yet in elementary stages of formation was the true policy ; whereas I in my blindness sought only 10 for some mitigation to the evil when already formed, and past all reach of interception. In this stage of the suffering, formed and perfect, I was thrown passively upon chance advice, and therefore, by a natural consequence, upon opium — that being the one sole anodyne that is almost notoriously such, and which in that great function is universally ap¬ preciated. Coleridge, therefore, and myself, as regards our baptismal initiation into the use of that mighty drug, occupy the very same position. We are embarked in the self-same boat; nor 20 is it within the compass even of angelic hair-splitting to show ^ That terrific curse” :— Two things blunt the general sense of horror which would else connect itself with toothache : viz., first, its enormous diffusion ; hardly a household in Europe being clear of it, each in turn having some one chamber intermittingly echoing the groans extorted by this cruel torture. There — viz., in its ubiquity—lies one cause of its slight valuation. A second cause is found in its immunity from danger. This latter ground of undervaluation is noticed in a saying ascribed (but on what authority I know not) to Sir Philip Sidney—viz., that, supposing toothache liable in ever so small a pro¬ portion of its cases to a fatal issue, it would be generally ranked as the most dreadful amongst human maladies ; whereas the certainty that it will in no extremity lead to death, and the knowledge that in the very midst of its storms sudden changes may be looked for bringing long halcyon calms, have an unfair effect in lowering the appreciation of this malady considered as a trial of fortitude and patience. No stronger expression of its intensity and scorching fierceness can be imagined than this fact — that, within my private knowledge, two persons who had suffered alike under toothache and cancer have pro¬ nounced the former to be, on the scale of torture, by many degrees the worse. In both, there are at tivies what surgeons call “lancinating’ pangs —keen, glancing, arrowy radiations of anguish ; and upon these the basis of comparison v'as rested — paroxysm against paroxysm— with the result that I have stated. AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 5 that the dark shadow thrown by our several trespasses in this field, mine and his, had by so much as a pin’s point any assignable difference. Trespass against trespass (if any tres¬ pass there were)—shadow against shadow (if any shadow were really thrown by this trespass over the snowy disk of pure ascetic morality)—in any case, that act in either of us would read into the same meaning, would count up as a debt into the same value, would measure as a delinquency into the same burden of responsibility. And vainly, indeed, does Coleridge attempt to differentiate two cases which ran into 10 absolute identity, differing only as rheumatism differs from toothache. Amongst the admirers of Coleridge, I at all times stood in the foremost rank ; and the more was my astonishment at being summoned so often to witness his carelessness in the management of controversial questions, and his demoniac inaccuracy in the statement of facts. The more also was my sense of Coleridge’s wanton injustice in relation to myself individually. Coleridge’s gross mis¬ statement of facts, in regard to our several opium experiences, had its origin, sometimes in flighty reading, sometimes in 20 partial and incoherent reading, sometimes in subsequent forgetfulness; and any one of these lax habits (it will occur to the reader) is a venial infirmity. Certainly it is; but surely not venial when it is allowed to operate disadvantage- ously iqDon the character for self-control of a brother, who had never spoken of him but in the spirit of enthusiastic admiration ; of that admiration which his exquisite works so amply challenge. Imagine the case that I really had done something wrong, still it would have been ungenerous—me it would have saddened, I confess, to see Coleridge rushing 30 forward with a public denunciation of my fault:—“ Know all men by these presents that I, S. T. C., a noticeable man with large grey eyes^ am a licensed opium-eater, whereas this other man is a buccaneer, a pirate, a flibustier,^ and can have ^ See Wordsworth’s exquisite picture of S. T. C. and himself as occasional denizens in the “Castle of Indolence.” ^ This word—in common use, and so spelled as I spell it, amongst the grand old French and English buccaneers contemporary with our 6 CONFESSIONS OF none but a forged licence in his disreputable pocket. In the name of Virtue, arrest him ! ” But the truth is, that in¬ accuracy as to facts and citations from books was in Coleridge a mere necessity of nature. Hot three days ago, in reading a short comment of the late Archdeacon Hare (“ Guesses at Truth ”) upon a bold speculation of Coleridge’s (utterly base¬ less) with respect to the machinery of Etonian Latin verses, I found my old feelings upon this subject refreshed by an instance that is irresistibly comic, since everything that 10 Coleridge had relied upon as a citation from a book in support of his own hypothesis turns out to be a pure fabrication of his own dreams; though, doubtless (which indeed it is that constitutes the characteristic interest of the case), without a suspicion on his part of his own furious romancing. The archdeacon’s good-natured smile upon that Etonian case naturally reminded me of the case now before us, with regard to the history of our separate careers as opium-eaters. Upon which case I need say no more, as by this time the reader is aware that Coleridge’s entire state- 20 ment upon that subject is perfect moonshine, and, like the sculptured imagery of the pendulous lamp in “ Christabel,” “All carvM from the carver’s brain.” This case, therefore, might now be counted on as disposed of; and what sport it could yield might reasonably be thought exhausted. Meantime, on consideration, another and much deeper oversight of Coleridge’s becomes apparent; and, as this connects itself with an aspect of the case that furnishes the foundation to the whole of these ensuing Confessions, it cannot altogether be neglected. Any attentive reader, 30 after a few moments’ reflection, will perceive that, whatever may have been the casual occasion of mine or Coleridge’s opium-eating, this could not have been the permanent own admirable Dampier, at the close of the seventeenth century—^has recently been revived in the journals of the United States, with a view to the special case of Cuba, but (for what reason I know not) is now written always as/Wibusters. Meantime, written in whatsoever way, it is undei’stood to be a Franco-Spanish corruption of the English word freehooter. AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 7 ground of opium-eatiug; because neither rheumatism nor toothache is any abiding affection of the system. Both are intermitting maladies^ and not at all capable of accounting for a permanent habit of opium-eating. Some months are requisite to found that Making alloAvance for constitutional differences, I should say that in less than 120 days no habit of opium-eating could be formed strong enough to call for any extraordinary self-conquest in renouncing it, and even suddenly renouncing it. On Saturday you are an opium- eater, on Sunday no longer such. What then was it, after 10 all, that made Coleridge a slave to opium, and a slave that could not break his chain 1 He fancies, in his headlong care¬ lessness, that he has accounted for this habit and this slavery; and in the meantime he has accounted for nothing at all about which any question has arisen. Kheumatism, he says, drove him to opium. Very well ; but with proper medical treatment the rheumatism would soon have ceased; or even without medical treatment, under the ordinary oscillations of natural causes. And when the pain ceased, then the opium should have ceased. Why did it not 1 Because 20 Coleridge had come to taste the genial pleasure of opium ; and thus the very impeachment which he fancied himself in some mysterious way to have evaded recoils upon him in undiminished force. The rheumatic attack would have retired before the habit could have had time to form itself. Or suppose that I underrate the strength of the possible habit—this tells equally in my favour; and Coleridge was not entitled to forget in my case a plea remembered in his own. It is really memorable in the annals of human self- deceptions that Coleridge could have held such language in 30 the face of such facts. I, boasting not at all of my self¬ conquests, and OAvning no moral argument against the free use of opium, nevertheless on mere prudential motives break through the vassalage more than once, and by efforts which I have recorded as modes of transcendent suffering. Cole¬ ridge, professing to believe (without reason assigned) that opium-eating is criminal, and in some mysterious sense more criminal than wine-drinking or porter-drinking, —having. 8 CONFESSIONS . OF therefore, the strongest moral motive for abstaining from it,— yet suffers himself to fall into a captivity to this same wicked opium, deadlier than was ever heard of, and under no coercion whatever that he has anywhere explained to us. A slave he was to this potent drug not less abject than Caliban to Prospero—his detested and yet desjDotic master. Like Caliban, he frets his very heart-strings against the rivets of his chain. Still, at intervals through the gloomy vigils of his prison, you hear muttered growls of impotent 10 mutineering swelling upon the breeze : ‘ ‘ Irasque leonum Vincla recujautum-” recusantum it is true, still refusing yet still accepting, pro¬ testing for ever against the fierce, overmastering curb-chain, yet for ever submitting to receive it into the mouth. It is notorious that in Bristol (to that I can speak myself, but probably in many other places) he went so far as to hire men—porters, hackney-coachmen, and others—to oppose by force his entrance into any druggist’s shop. But, as the 20 authority for stopping him was derived simply from himself, naturally these poor men found themselves in a metaphysical fix, not provided for even by Thomas Aquinas or by the prince of Jesuitical casuists. And in this excruciating dilemma would occur such scenes as the following :— “ Oh, sir,” would plead the suppliant porter—suppliant, yet semi-imperative (for equally if he did, and if he did not, show fight, the poor man’s daily 5s. seemed en¬ dangered)—“ really you must not; consider, sir, your wife and-” 30 Transcendental Philosopher. —“ Wife ! what wife 'I I have no wife.”^ Porter- —“ But, really now, you must not, sir. Didn’t you say no longer ago than yesterday-” Transcend. Philos. —“ Pooh, pooh ! yesterday is a long time ago. Are you aware, my man, that people are known to have dropped down dead for timely want of opium ? ” 1 rae “Othello.” AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 9 Porter .—“ Ay, but you tell’t me not to hearken-” Transcend. Philos .—“ Oh, nonsense ! An emergency, a shocking emergency, has arisen—quite unlooked, for. No matter what I told you in times long past. That which I now tell you is—that, if you don’t remove that arm of yours from the doorway of this most respectable druggist, I shall have a good ground of action against you for assault and battery.” Am I the man to reproach Coleridge with this vassalage to opium 'I Heaven forbid ! Having groaned myself under 10 that yoke, I pity, and blame him not. But, undeniably, such a vassalage must have been created wilfully and con¬ sciously by his own craving after genial stimulation; a thing which I do not blame, but Coleridge did. For my own part, duly as the torment relaxed in relief of which I had resorted to opium, and laid aside the opium, not under any meritorious effort of self-conquest; nothing of that sort do I pretend to ; but simply on a prudential instinct warning me not to trifle with an engine so awful of consolation and support, nor to waste upon a momentary uneasiness Avhat might eventually 20 prove, in the midst of all-shattering hurricanes, the great elixir of resurrection. What was it that did in reality make me an opium-eater h That affection which finally drove me into the habitual use of opium, what was it 1 Pain was it ? No, but misery. Casual overcasting of sunshine was it^ No, but blank desolation. Gloom was it that might have departed? No, but settled and abiding darkness— ‘ ‘ Total eclipse, Without all hoi)e of day ! ” i Yet whence derived? Caused l)y what? Caused, as 1 30 might truly plead, by youthful distress in London, were it not that these distresses were due, in their ultim^e origin, to my own unpardonable folly ; and to that folly I trace many ruins. Oh, spirit of merciful interpretation, angel of forgiveness to youth and its aberrations, that hearkenest for ever as if to some sweet choir of far-off female mtercessions ! ^ “ Samson Agouistes. ” lo CONFESSIONS OF will ye, choir that intercede—wilt thou, angel that forgivest —^,join together, and charm away that mighty phantom, born amidst the gathering mists of remorse, which strides after me in pursuit from forgotten days—towering for ever into proportions more and more colossal, overhanging and over¬ shadowing my head as if close behind, yet dating its nativity from hours that are fled by more than half-a-century 1 Oh heavens ! that it should be possible for a child not seventeen years old, by a momentary blindness, by listening to a false, 10 false whisper from his own bewildered heart, by one erring step, by a motion this way or that, to change the currents of his destiny, to poison the fountains of his peace, and in the twinkling of an eye to lay the foundations of a life-long repentance ! Yet, alas ! I must abide by the realities of the case. And one thing is clear,—that, amidst such bitter self-reproaches as are now extorted from me by the anguish of my recollections, it cannot be with any purpose of weav¬ ing plausible excuses, or of evading blame, that I trace the origin of my confirmed opium-eating to a necessity growing 20 out of my early sufferings in the streets of London. Because, though true it is that the re-agency of these London sufferings did in after years enforce the use of opium, equally it is true that the sufferings themselves grew out of my own folly. What really calls for excuse is not the recourse to opium, when opium had become the one sole remedy available for the malady, but those follies which had themselves produced that malady. I, for my part, after I had become a regular opium-eater, and from mismanagement had fallen into miserable excesses 30 in the use of opium, did nevertheless, four several times, contend successfully against the dominion of this drug; did four several times renounce it; renounced it for long in¬ tervals j ‘and finally resumed it upon the warrant of my enlightened and deliberate judgment, as being of two evils by very much the least. In this I acknowledge nothing that calls for excuse. I repeat again and again that not the application of opium, with its deep tranquillising powers to the mitigation of evils, bequeathed by my London hardships, AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 11 is what reasonably calls for sorrow, but that extravagance of childish folly which precipitated me into scenes naturally producing such hardships. These scenes I am now called upon to retrace. Possibly they are sufficiently interesting to merit, even on their own account, some short record but at present, and at this point, they have become indisjiensable as a key to the proper understanding of all which follows. For in these incidents of my early life is found the entire substratum, together with the secret and underlying motive,^ of those 10 pompous dreams and dream-sceneries which were in reality the true objects—first and last—contemplated in these Confessions. My father died when I was in my seventh year, leaving six children, inclucMng myself (viz., four sons and two daughters), to the care of four guardians, and of our mother, who was invested with the legal authority of a guardian. This word “ guardian ” kindles a fiery thrilling in my nerves; so much was that special power of guardian¬ ship, as wielded by one of the four, concerned in the sole 20 capital error of my boyhood. To this error my own folly would hardly have been equal, unless by concurrence with the obstinacy of others. Prom the bitter remembrance of this error in myself—of this obstinacy in my hostile guardian—suffer me to draw the privilege of making a moment’s pause upon this subject of legal guardianship. There is not (I believe) in human society, under what¬ ever form of civilisation, any trust or delegated duty which has more often been negligently or even perfidiously admin¬ istered. In the days of classical Greece and Rome, my own 30 private impression, founded on the collation of many in¬ cidental notices, is—that this, beyond all other forms of domestic authority, furnished to wholesale rapine and pecu¬ lation their very amplest arena. The relation of father and 1 << Motive” : _The word motive is here used in the sense attached by artists and connoisseurs to the technical word motivo, applied to pictures, or to the separate movements in a musical theme. 12 CONFESSIONS OF son, as was that oi' patron and client, was generally, in the practice of life, cherished with religious fidelity ; whereas the solemn duties of the tutor {i.e., the guardian) to his ward, which ha’d their very root and origin in the tenderest adjurations of a dying friend, though subsequently refreshed by the hourly spectacle of helpless orphanage playing round the margins of pitfalls hidden by flowers, spoke hut seldom to the sensibilities of a Roman through any language of oracular power. Few indeed, if any, were the obligations 10 in a proper sense moral which pressed upon the Roman. The main fountains of moral obligation had in Rome, by law or by custom, been thoroughly poisoned. Marriage had cor¬ rupted itself through the facility of divorce, and through the consequences of that facility (viz., levity in choosing, and fickleness in adhering to the choice), into so exquisite a traffic of selfishness that it could not yield so much as a phantom model of sanctity. The relation of husband and wife had, for all moral impressions, perished amongst the Romans. The relation of father and child had all its 20 capacities of holy tenderness crushed out of it under the fierce pressure of penal and vindictive enforcements. The duties of the client to his patron stood upon no basis of simple gratitude or simple fidelity (corresponding to the feudal fealty), but upon a basis of prudential terror; terror from positive law, or from social opinion. From the first intermeddling of law with the movement of the higher moral affections, there is an end to freedom in the act—to purity in the motive— to dignity in the personal relation. Accordingly, in the France of the pre-revolutionary period, and in the China of 30 all periods, it has been with baleful effects to the national morals that positive law has come in aid of the paternal rights. And in the Rome of ancient history it may be said that this one original and rudimental wrong done to the holy freedom of human affections had the effect of extin¬ guishing thenceforward all conscientious movement in what¬ ever direction. And thus, amongst a people naturally more highly principled than the Greeks, if you except ebullitions of public spirit and patriotism (too often of mere ignoble 13 AjV ENGLISH OPIUM^EA TER. nationality), no class of actions stood upon any higher basis of motive than (1) legal ordinance, (2) superstitious fear, or (3) servile compliance with the insolent exactions of popular usage. Strange, therefore, it woulddiave been if the tutor of obscure orphans, with extra temptations, and extra facilities for indulging them, should have shown himself more faithful to his trust than the governor of provinces— praetorian or proconsular. Yet who more treacherous and rapacious than he ? Rarest of men was the upright gover¬ nor that accepted no bribes from the criminal, and extorted 10 no ransoms from the timid. He nevertheless, as a public trustee, was watched by the jealousy of political competitors, and had by possibility a solemn audit to face in the senate or in the forum; perhaps in both. But the tutor, who ad¬ ministered a private trust on behalf of orphans, might count on the certainty that no public attention could ever be attracted to concerns so obscure, and politically so uninterest¬ ing. Reasonably, therefore, and by all analogy, a Roman must have regarded the ordinary domestic tutor as almost inevitably a secret delinquent using the opportunities and 20 privileges of his office as mere instruments for working- spoliation and ruin upon the inheritance confided to his care. This deadly and besetting evil of Pagan days must have deepened a hundredfold the glooms overhanging the death¬ beds of parents. Too often the dying father could not fail to read in his own life-long experience that, whilst seeking special protection for his children, he might himself be in¬ troducing amongst them a separate and imminent danger. Leaving behind him a little household of infants, a little fleet (as it might be presented) of fairy pinnaces, just rais- 30 ing their anchors in preparation for crossing the mighty deeps of life, he made signals for “ convoy.” Some one or two (at best imperfectly known to him), amongst those who traversed the same seas, he accepted in that character •, but doubtfully, sorrowfully, fearfully ; and, at the very moment when the faces of his children were disappearing amongst the vapours of death, the miserable thought would cross his prophetic sold that too probably this pretended “ convoy,” CONFESSIONS OF 14 under the strong temptations of the case, might eventually become pirates ; robbers, at the least; and by possibility wilful misleaders to the inexperience of his children. From this dreadful aggravation of the anguish at any rate besetting the death-beds of parents summoned away from a group of infant children, there has been a mighty deliverance wrought in a course of centuries by the vast diffusion of Christianity. In these days, wheresoever an atmosphere is breathed that has been purified by Christian charities and 10 Christian principles, this household pestilence has been con¬ tinually dwindling: and in the England of this generation there is no class of peculation which we so seldom hear of : one proof of which is found in the indifference with which most of us regard the absolute security offered to children by the Court of Chancery. My father, therefore, as regarded the quiet of his dying hours, benefited by the felicity of his times and his country. He made the best selection for the future guardianship of his six children that his opportunities allowed; from his circle of intimate friends, he selected the 20 four who stood highest in his estimation for honour and practical wisdom : which done, and relying for the redress¬ ing of any harsh tendencies in male guardians upon the dis¬ cretional power lodged in my mother, thenceforth he rested from his anxieties. Not one of these guardians but justified his choice so far as honour and integrity were concerned. Yet, after all, there is a limit (and sooner reached perhaps in England than in other divisions of Christendom) to the good that can be achieved in such cases by prospective wisdom. For we, in England, more absolutely than can 30 be asserted of any other nation, are not faineans: rich and poor, all of us have something to do. To Italy it is that we must look for a peasantry idle through two- tbirds of their time. To Spain it is tliat we must look for an aristocracy physically^ degraded under the ignoble training of women and priests, and for princes ^ It is asserted by travellers—English, French, and German alike— that the ducal order in Spain (as that order of the Spanish peerage most carefully withdrawn from what Kentucky would call the rou^- AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EATER. 15 (such as Ferdinand VII.) that make it the glory of their lives to have embroidered a petticoat. Amongst our¬ selves of this current generation, whilst those functions of guardianship may be surely counted on which presume con¬ scientious loyalty to the interests of their wards, on the other hand all which presume continued vigilance and pro¬ vision from afar are, in simple truth, hardly compatible with our English state of society. The guardians chosen by my father, had they been the wisest and also the most energetic of men, could not in many conceivable emergencies have 10 fulfilled his secret wishes. Of the four men, one was a merchant (not in the narrow sense of Scotland, derived originally from France, where no class of merchant princes has ever existed, but in the large noble sense of England, of Florence, of Venice) : consequently, his extensive relations with sea-ports and distant colonies continually drawing off his attention, and even his personal presence, from domestic affairs, made it hopeless that he should even attempt more on behalf of his wards than slightly to watch the administra¬ tion of their pecuniary interests. A second of our guardians 20 was a rural magistrate, but in a populous district close upon Manchester, which even at that time was belted with a growing body of turbulent aliens—Welsh and Irish. He therefore, overwhelmed by the distractions of his official station, rightly perhaps conceived himself to have fulfilled his engagements as a guardian if he stood ready to come forward upon any difficulty arising, but else in ordinary cases devolved his functions upon those who enjoyed more leisure. In that category stood, beyond a doubt, a third of our guardians, the Rev. Samuel H., who was at the time of 30 my father’s death a curate at some church (I believe) in Manchester or in Salford.^ This gentleman represented a and-tU 7 )ible discipline of a popular education) exhibit in their very persons and bodily development undisguised evidences of effeminate habits operating through many generations. It would be satisfactory to know the unexaggerated truth on this point, the truth unbiassed alike by national and by democratic prejudices. 1 Salford is a large town legally distinguished from Manchester for parliamentary purposes, and divided from it physically by a river, but i6 CONFESSIONS OF class—large enough at all times by necessity of human nature, but in those days far larger than at present—that class, I mean, who sympathise with no spiritual sense or spiritual capacities in man ; who understand by religion simply a respectable code of ethics, leaning for support upon some great mysteries dimly traced in the background, and commemorated in certain great church festivals by the elder churches of Christendom ; as, e.g., by the English,—which does not stand as to age on the Reformation epoch,—by the 10 Romish, and by the Greek. He had composed a body of about 330 sermons, which thus, at the rate of two every. Suirday, revolved through a cycle of three years ; that period being modestly assumed as sufficient for insuring to their eloquence total oblivion. Possibly to a cynic some shorter cycle might have seemed equal to that effect, since their topics rose but rarely above the level of prudential ethics, and the style, though scholarly, was not impressive. As a preacher, Mr H. was sincere, but not earnest. He was a good and conscientious man; and he made a high valuation 20 of the pulpit as an organ of civilisation for co-operating with books ; but it was impossible for any man starting from the low ground of themes so unimpassioned and so desultory as the benefits of industry, the danger from bad companions, the importance of setting a good example, or the value of perseverance, to pump up any persistent stream of earnest¬ ness either in himself or in his auditors. These auditors, again, were not of a class to desire much earnestness. There were no naughty people among them ; most of them were rich, and came to church in carriages : and, as a natural 30 result of their esteem for my reverend guardian, a numbei of them combined to build a church for him—viz., St else virtually, as regards intercourse and reciprocal influence, is a quarter of Manchester ; in fact, holding the same relation to Man¬ chester that Southwark does to London ; or, if the reader insists upon having a classical illustration of the case, the same relation that in ancient days Argos did to Mycense. An invitation to dinner given by the public herald of Argos could he heard to the centre of Mycense, and by a gourmand, if the dinner promised to be specially good, in the remoter suburb. AJV ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 17 Peter’s—at the point of confluence between Mosely Street and the newly projected Oxford Street, then existing only as a sketch in the portfolio of a surveyor. But what con- ^ nected myself individually with Mr. H. was that two or three years previously I, together with one of my brothers (five years my senior), had been placed under his care for classical instruction. This was done, I believe, in obedience to a dying injunction of my father, who had a just esteem for Mr, S. H. as an upright man, but apparently too exalted an opinion of his scholarship : for he was but an indifferent 10 Grecian. In whatever way the appointment arose, so it was that this gentleman, previously tutor in the Roman sense to all of us, now became to my brother and myself tutor also in the common English sense. From the age of eight, up to eleven and a-half, the character and intellectual attain¬ ments of Mr, H. were therefore influentially important to myself in the development of my powers, such as they were. Even his 330 sermons, which rolled overhead with such slender effect upon his general congregation, to me became a real instrument of improvement. One-half of these, indeed, 20 were all that I heard ; for, as my father’s house (Greenhay) stood at this time in the country, Manchester not having yet overtaken it, the distance obliged us to go in a carriage, and only to the morning service; but every sermon in this morning course was propounded to me as a textual basis upon which I was to raise a mimic duplicate'—sometimes a pure miniature abstract—sometimes a rhetorical expansion, but preserving as much as possible of the original language, and also (which puzzled me painfully) preserving the exact succession of the thoughts ; which might be easy where they 30 stood in some dependency upon each other, as, for instance, in the development of an argument, but in arbitrary or chance arrangements was often as trying to my powers as any feat of rope-dancing. I, therefore, amongst that whole congregation,^ was the one sole careworn auditor—agitated ^ That whole congregation" •.—Oh^nally a.t chmdh&s which I do not remember, where, however, in consideration of my tender age, the demands levied upon my memory were much lighter. Two or three B i8 CONFESSIONS OF about that which, over all other heads, flowed away like water over marble slabs'—’Viz., the somewhat torpid sermon of my somewhat torpid guardian. But this annoyance was not wholly lost: and those same sermons, which (lasting oidy through sixteen minutes each) were approved and forgotten by everybody else, for me became a perfect palaestra of intellectual gymnastics, far better suited to my childish weakness than could have been the sermons of Isaac Barrow or Jeremy Taylor, In these last the gorgeous imagery would 10 have dazzled my feeble vision, and in both the gigantic thinking would have crushed my efforts at apprehension. I drew, in fact, the deepest benefits from this weekly exercise. Perhaps, also, in the end it ripened into a great advantage for me, though long and bitterly I complained of it, that I was not allowed to use a pencil in taking notes : all was to be charged upon the memory. But it is notorious that the memory strengthens as you lay burdens upon it, and becomes trustworthy as you trust it. So that, in my third year of ])ractice, I found my abstracting and condensing powers 20 sensibly enlarged. My guardian was gradually better satisfied : for unfortunately (and in the beginning it loas unfortunate) always one witness could be summoned against years later, when I must have been nearing my tenth year, and when St. Peter’s had been finished, occurred the opening, and conserpiently (as an indispensable pre-condition) the consecration of that edifice by the bishop of the diocese (viz., Chester). I, as a ward of the incum¬ bent, was naturall}'- amongst those specially invited to the festival; and I remember a little incident which exposed broadly the conflict of feelings inherited by the Church of England from the Puritans of the seventeenth century. The architecture of the church was Grecian 5 and certainly the enrichments, inside or outside, were few enough, neither florid nor obtrusive, I3ut in the centre of the ceiling, for the sake of breaking the monotony of so large a blank white surface, there was moulded, in plaster-of-Paris, a large tablet or shield, charged with a cornucopia of fruits and flowers. And yet, when Ave were all assembled in the vestry waiting—rector, churchwardens, architect, and trains of dependants—there arose a deep buzz of anxiety, Avhich soon ripened into an articulate expression of fear, that the bishop would think himself bound, like the horrid eikonoclasts of 1645, to issue his decree of utter averruncation to the simple decoration overhead. Fearfully did we all tread the little aisles in the procession of the prelate. Earnestly my lord looked upwards ; but finally—were it courtesy, or doubtful¬ ness as to his ground, or approbation—he passed on. AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 19 me upon any impeachment of my fidelity—viz., the sermon itself ; since, though lurking amongst the 330, the wretch was easily forked out. Eut these appeals grew fewer ; and my guardian, as I have said, was continually better satisfied. Meantime, might not I be continually less satisfied with him and his 330 sermons ? ISlot at all. Loving and trusting, without doubt or reserve, and with the deepest principles of veneration rooted in my nature, I never, upon meeting some¬ thing more impressive than the average complexion of my guardian’s discourses, for one moment thought of him as 10 worse or feebler than others, but simply as different; and no more quarrelled with him for his characteristic languor than with a green riband for not being blue. By mere accident, I one day heard quoted a couplet which seemed to me sublime. It described a preacher such as sometimes arises in difficult times, or in fermenting times,—a son of thunder, that looks all enemies in the face, and volunteers a defiance even when it would have been easy to evade it. The lines were written by Richard Baxter—who battled often with self-created storms from the first dawn of the Parliamentary War in 1642, 20 through the period of Cromwell (to whom he was personally odious), and, finally, through the trying reigns of the second Charles and of the second James. As a pulpit orator, he was perhaps the Wdiitfield of the seventeenth century—the Leuconomos of Cowper. And thus it is that he describes the impassioned character of his own preaching— “ I x)reaclied, as never sure to preach again,” (Even that was telling ; but then followed this thunder-y^eai) “And as a dying man to dying men.” This couplet, which seemed to me equally for weight and for 30 splendour like molten gold, laid bare another aspect of the Catholic Church; revealed it as a Church militant and crusading. Rot even thus, however, did I descry any positive imper¬ fection in my guardian. He and Baxter had fallen upon different generations. Baxter’s century, from first to last, 20 CONFESSION'S OF was revolutionary. Along the entire course of that seven¬ teenth century the great principles of representative govern¬ ment and the rights of conscience ^ were passing through the anguish of conflict and flery trial. Now again in my own day, at the close of the eighteenth century, it is true that all the elements of social life were thrown into the crucible— hut on behalf of our neighbours, no longer of ourselves. No longer, therefore, was invoked the heroic pleader, ready for martyrdom,—preaching, therefore, “ as never sure to 10 preach again ”; and I no more made it a defect in my guardian that he wanted energies for combating evils now forgotten than that he had not in patriotic fervour leaped into a gulf, like the fabulous Roman martyr, Curtius, or in zeal for liberty had not mounted a scaffold, like the real English martyr, Algernon Sidney. Every Sunday, duly as it revolved, brought with it this cruel anxiety. On Saturday night, under sad anticipation, on Sunday night, under sadder experimental knowledge, of my trying task, I slept ill: my pillow was stuffed with thorns ; and until Monday morning’s 20 inspection and armilustrium had dismissed me from parade to “ stand at ease,” verily I felt like a false steward sum¬ moned to some killing audit. Then suppose Monday to be invaded by some horrible intruder,—visitor perhaps from a band of my guardian’s poor relations, that in some undis¬ covered nook of Lancashire seemed in fancy to blacken all the fields, and suddenly at a single note of “ caw, caw,” rose in one vast cloud like crows, and settled down for weeks at the table of my guardian and his wife, whose noble hospitality would never allow the humblest among them to he saddened 30 by a faint welcome. In such cases, very possibly the whole week did not see the end of my troubles. On these terms, for upwards of three and a-half years— ^ The rights of conscience" :—With which it is painful to know that Baxter did not S3rmpathise. Religious toleration he called ‘ ‘ soul- murder.” And, if you reminded him that the want of this toleration had been his own capital grievance, he replied, “Ah, but the cases were very different: I was in the right ; whereas the vast majority of those who will benefit by this newfangled toleration are shockingly in the wrong.” AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 21 that is, from my eighth to beyond my eleventh birth-day— niy guardian and I went on cordially : he never once angry, as indeed he never had any reason for anger; I never once treating my task either as odious (which in the most abomin¬ able excess it was), or, on the other hand, as costing but a trivial effort, which practice might have taught me to hurry through with contemptuous ease. To the very last I found no ease at all in this weekly task, which never ceased to be “a thorn in the flesh”: and I believe that my guardian, like many of the grim Pagan divinities, inhaled a flavour of 10 fragrant incense from the fretting and stinging of anxiety which, as it were some holy vestal fire, he kept alive by this periodic exaction. It gave him pleasure that he could reach me in the very recesses of my dreams, where even a Pariah might look for rest; so that the Sunday, which to man, and even to the brutes within his gates, offered an interval of rest, for me was signalised as a day of martyrdom. Yet in this, after all, it is possible that he did me a service : for my constitutional infirmity of mind ran but too determinately towards the sleep of endless reverie, and of dreamy abstrac- 20 tion from life and its realities. Whether serviceable or not, however, the connexion between my guardian and myself was now drawing to its close. Some months after my eleventh birthday, Greenhay^ was sold, and my mother’s establishment—both children and servants—was translated to Bath: only that for a few months I and one brother were still left under the care of Mr. Samuel H. ; so far, that is, as regarded our education. Else, as regarded the luxurious comforts of a thoroughly English home, we became the guests, by special invitation, 30 of a young married couple in Manchester—viz., Mr. and Mrs. K-. This incident, though otherwise without results, I look back upon with feelings inexpressibly pro¬ found, as a jewelly parenthesis of pathetic happiness—such 1 " Greenhay" A country-house built by my father ; and at the time of its foundation (say in 1791 or 1792) separated from the last outskirts of Manchester by an entire mile ; but now, and for many a year, overtaken by the hasty strides of this great city, and long since (I presume) absorbed into its mighty uproar. 22 CONFESSIONS OF as emerges but once in any man’s life. Mr. K. was a young and rising American mercliant; by which I mean that he was an Englishman who exported to the United States. He had married about three years previously a pretty and amiable young woman—well educated, and endowed with singular compass of intellect. But the distinguishing feature in this household was the spirit of love which, under the benign superintendence of the mistress, diffused itself through all its members. 10 The late Dr. Arnold of Rugby, amongst many novel ideas, which found no welcome even with his friends, insisted earnestly and often upon this—viz., that a great danger was threatening our social system in Great Britain from the austere separation existing between our educated and our working classes, and that a more conciliatory style of inter¬ course between these two bisections of our social body must be established, or else—a tremendous revolution. This is not the place to discuss so large a question; and I shall content myself with making two remarks. The first is this 20 —that, although a change of the sort contemplated by Dr. Arnold might, if considered as an operative cause, point forward to some advantages, on the other hand, if considered as an effect, it points backward to a less noble constitution of society by much than we already enjoy. Those nations whose upper classes speak paternally and caressingly to the working classes, and to servants in particular, do so because they speak from the lofty stations of persons having civil rights to those who have none. Two centuries back, when a military chieftain addressed his soldiers as my children,” 30 he did so because he was an irresponsible despot exercising uncontrolled powers of life and death. From the moment when legal rights have been Avon for the poorest classes, inevitable respect on the part of the higher classes extin¬ guishes for ever the affectionate style which belongs naturally to the state of pupilage or infantine bondage. That is my first remark : my second is this—that the change advocated by Dr. Arnold, whether promising or not, is practically impossible; or possible, I should say, through AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 23 one sole channel—viz., that of domestic servitude. There only do the two classes concerned come hourly into contact. On that stage only they meet without intrusion upon each other. There only is an opening for change. And a wise mistress, who possesses tact enough to combine a gracious affability with a self-respect that never slumbers nor permits her to descend into gossip, will secure the attachment of all young and impressible women. Such a mistress was Mrs. K-. She had won the gratitude of her servants from the first by making the amplest provision for their comfort; 10 their confidence, by listening with patience, and counselling with prudence; and their respect, by refusing to inter¬ meddle with gossiping personalities always tending to slander. To this extent, perhaps, most mistresses might follow her example. But the happiness Avhich reigned in Mrs. K-’s house at this time depended very much upon special causes. All the eight persons had the advantage of youth ; and the three young female servants were under the spell of fascination, such as could rarely be counted on, from a spectacle held up hourly before their eyes,—that spectacle 20 which of all others is the most touching to womanly sensi¬ bilities, and which any one of these servants might hope, without presumption, to realise for herself,—the spectacle, I mean, of a happy marriage union between two persons who lived in harmony so absolute with each other as to be independent of the world outside. How tender and self- sufficing such a union might be, they saw with their own eyes. The season was then mid-winter, which of itself draws closer all household ties. Their own labours, as generally in respectable English services, were finished for 30 the most part by two o’clock; and, as the hours of evening drew nearer, when the master’s return might be looked for without fail, beautiful was the smile of anticipation upon the gentle features of the mistress : even more beautiful the reflex of that smile, half-unconscious, and half-repressed, upon the features of the sympathising hand-maidens. One cliild, a little girl of two years old, had then crowned the happiness of the E-s. She natui’ally lent her person 24 CONFESSIONS OF at all times, and apparently in all places at once, to the improvement of the family groups. My brother and myself, who had been trained from infancy to the courteous treat¬ ment of servants, filled up a vacancy in the graduated scale of ascending ages, and felt in varying degrees the depths of a peace which we could not adequately understand or appreciate. Bad tempers there were none amongst us ; nor any opening for personal jealousies ; nor, through the privi¬ lege of our common youth, either angry recollections 10 breathing from the past, or fretting anxieties gathering from the future. The spirit of hope and the spirit of peace (so it seemed to me, when looking back upon this profound calm) had, for their own enjoyment, united in a sisterly league to blow a solitary bubble of visionary happiness— and to sequester from the unresting hurricanes of life one solitary household of eight persons within a four months’ lull, as if within some Arabian tent on some untrodden wilderness, withdrawn from human intrusion, or even from knowledge, by worlds of mist and vapour. 20 How deep was that lull! and yet, as in a human atmos¬ phere, how frail! Did the visionary bubble burst at once ? Not so : but silently and by measured steps, like a dissolving palace of snow, it collapsed. In the superb expression of Shakspere, minted by himself, and drawn from his own aerial fancy, like a cloud it “ didimned ” ; lost its lineaments by stealthy steps. Already the word ^‘parting ” (for myself and my brother were under summons for Bath) hoisted the first signal for breaking up. Next, and not very long after¬ wards, came a mixed signal: alternate words of joy and 30 grief—marriage and death severed the sisterly union amongst the young female servants. Then, thirdly, but many years later, vanished from earth, and from peace the deepest that can support itself on earth, summoned to a far deeper peace, the mistress of the household herself, together with her first-born child. Some years later, perhaps twenty from this time, as I stood sheltering myself from rain in a shop within the most public street of Manchester, the master of the establishment drew my attention to a gentleman on the AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EATER. 25 opposite side of the street—roaming along in a reckless style of movement, and apparently insensible to the notice which he attracted. “ That,” said the master of the shop, “ was once a leading merchant in our town; but he met with great commercial embarrassments. There was no im¬ peachment of his integrity, or (as I believe) of his discretion. But, what with these commercial calamities, and deaths in his family, he lost all hope; and you see what sort of consola¬ tion it is that he seeks ”—meaning to say that his style of walking argued intoxication. I did not think so. There 10 was a settled misery in his eye, but complicated with ilmt an expression of nervous distraction, that, if it should increase, would make life an intolerable burden. I never saw him again, and thought with horror of his being called in old age to face the fierce tragedies of life. For many reasons, I recoiled from forcing myself upon his notice : but I had ascertained, some time previously to this casual encounter, that he and myself were, at that date, all that remained of the once joyous household. At pre¬ sent, and for many a year, I am myself the sole relic from 20 that household sanctuary—sweet, solemn, profound—that concealed, as in some ark floating on solitary seas, eight per¬ sons, since called away, all except myself, one after one, to that rest which only could be deeper than ours was then. When I left the K-s, I left Manchester; and during the next three years I was sent to two very different schools : first, to a public one—viz., the Bath Grammar School, then and since famous for its excellence ; secondly, to a private school in Wiltshire. At the end of the three years, I found myself once again in Manchester. I was 30 then fifteen years old, and a trifle more ; and as it had come to the knowledge of Mr. G., a banker in Lincolnshire (whom hitherto I have omitted to notice amongst my guardians, as the one too generally prevented from interfering by his remoteness from the spot, but whom otherwise I should have recorded with honour, as by much the ablest amongst them) that some pecuniary advantages were attached to a residence at the Manchester Grammar School, whilst in other respects 26 CONFESSION'S OF that school seemed as eligible as any other, he had coun¬ selled my mother to send me thither. In fact, a three years’ residence at this school obtained an annual allowance for seven years of nearly (if not quite) £50 ; which sum, added to my own patrimonial income of £150, would have made up the annual £200 ordinarily considered the proper allow¬ ance for an Oxford under-graduate, No objection arising from any quarter, this plan was adopted, and soon afterwards carried into effect. 10 On a day, therefore, it was in the closing autumn (or rather in the opening winter) of 1800 that my first intro¬ duction took place to the Manchester Grammar School. The school-room showed already in its ample proportions some hint of its pretensions as an endowed school, or school of that class which I believe peculiar to England. To this limited extent had the architectural sense of power been timidly and parsimoniously invoked. Beyond that, nothing had been attempted ; and the dreary expanse of whitewashed walls, that at so small a cost might have been embellished 20 by plaster-of-Paris friezes and large medallions, illustrating to the eye of the youthful student the most memorable glorifications of literature—these were bare as the walls of a poor-house or a lazaretto ; buildings whose functions, as thoroughly sad and gloomy, the mind recoils from drawing into relief by sculpture or painting. But this building was dedicated to purposes that were noble. The naked walls clamoured for decoration : and how easily might tablets have been moulded—exhibiting (as a first homage to literature) Athens, with the wisdom of Athens, in the jDerson of Pisis- 30 tratus, concentrating the general energies upon the revisal and the re-casting of the “ Iliad.” Or (second) the Athenian captives in Sicily, within the fifth century b.c., as winning noble mercy for themselves by some ‘ ‘ Repeated air Of sad Electra’s poet,” Such, and so sudden, had been the oblivion of earthly passions wrought by the contemporary poet of Athens that in a moment the wrath of Sicily, with all its billows, lan AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EATER. 27 down into a heavenly calm ; and he that could plead for his redemption no closer relation to Euripides than the accident of recalling some scatterings from his divine verses suddenly found his chains dropping to the ground, and himself, that in the morning had risen a despairing slave in a stone-quarry, translated at once as a favoured brother into a palace of Syracuse. Or, again, how easy to represent (third) “the great Emathian conqueror,” that in the very opening of his career, whilst visiting Thebes with vengeance, nevertheless relented at the thought of literature, and 10 “ Bade spare The house of Pindarus, when temple and tower Went to the ground.” Alexander might have been represented amongst the colon¬ nades of some Persian capital—Ecbatana or Babylon, Susa or Persepolis—in the act of receiving from Greece, as a nuzzur more awful than anything with in the gift of the “ barbaric East,” a jewelled casket containing tbe “ Iliad ” and the “ Odyssey ”; creations that already have lived almost as long as the Pyramids. 20 Puritanically bald and odious, therefore, in my eyes, was the hall up which my guardian and myself paced solemnly— though not Miltonically “ riding up to the Soldan’s chair,” yet, in fact, within a more limited kingdom, advancing to the chair of a more absolute despot. This f)otentate was the head-master, or arcJddidascalus, of the Manchester Gram¬ mar School; and that school was variously distinguished. It was (1) ancient, having in fact been founded by a bishop of Exeter in an early part of the sixteenth century, so as to be now, in 1856, more than 330 years old; (2) 30 it was rich, and was annually growing richer ; and (3) it was dignified by a beneficial relation to the magnificent University of Oxford. The head-master at that time was Mr. Charles Lawson. In former editions of this work I created him a doctor ; my object being to evade too close an approach to tbe realities of the case, and consequently to personalities, which (though indifterent to myself) would have been in some cases dis- 28 CONFESSIONS OF pleasing to others. A doctor, however, Mr. Lawson was not; nor in the account of law a clergyman. Yet most people, governed unconsciously by the associations surround¬ ing their composite idea of a dignified schoolma.ster, in¬ vested him with the clerical character. And in reality he had taken deacon’s orders in the Church of England. But not the less he held himself to be a layman, and was ad¬ dressed as such by all his correspondents of rank, who miglit be supposed best to understand the technical rules of English TO etiquette. Etiquette in such cases cannot entirely detach itself from law. Now, in English law, as was shown in Horne Tooke’s case, the rule is. Once a clergyman, and always a clergyman. The sacred character with which ordination clothes a man is indelible. But, on the other hand, who is a clergyman? Not he that has taken simply the initial orders of a deacon,—so at least I have heard,—but he that has taken the second and full orders of a priest. If other¬ wise, then there was a great mistake current amongst Mr. Lawson’s friends in addressing him as an esquire. 20 Squire or not a squire, however, parson or not a parson— whether sacred or profane—Mr Lawson was in some degree interesting by his position and his recluse habits. Life was over with him, for its hopes and for its trials. Or at most one trial yet awaited him ; whicii was—to fight with a pain¬ ful malady, and fighting to die. He still had his dying to do : he was in arrear as to that: else all was finished. It struck me (but, with such limited means for judging, I might easily be wrong) that his understanding was of a narrow order. But that did not disturb the interest which sur- 30 rounded him now in his old age (probably seventy-five, or more), nor make any drawback from the desire I had to spell backwards and re-compose the text of his life. What had been his fortunes in this world 1 Had they travelled up¬ wards or downwards? What triumphs had he enjoyed in the sweet and solemn cloisters of Oxford ? What mortifi¬ cations in the harsh world outside ? Two only had survived in the malicious traditions of “ his friends.” He was a Jacobite (as were so many amongst my dear Lancastrian AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TEE. 29 compatriots) ; liad drunk the Pretender’s health, and had drunk it in company with that Dr. Byrom who had graced the symposium by the famous equivocating impfomptu ^ to the health of that prince. Mr. Lawson had therefore been obliged to witness the final prostration of his political party. That was his earliest mortification. His second, about seven years later, was that he had been jilted, and with circum¬ stances (at least so I heard) of cruel scorn. Was it that he had interpreted in a sense too flattering for himself ambig¬ uous expressions of favour in the lady ? or that she in 10 cruel caprice had disowned the hopes which she had author¬ ised ? However this might be, half-a-century of soothing and reconciling years had cicatrised the wounds of Mr. Lawson’s heart. The lady of 1752, if living in 1800, must be furiously wrinkled. And a strange metaphysical question arises : Whether, when the object of an impassioned love has herself faded into a shadow, the fiery passion itself can still survive as an abstraction, still mourn over its wrongs, still clamour for redress. I have heard of such cases. In Words¬ worth’s poem of “ Ruth ” (which Avas founded, as I happen to 20 know, upon facts) it is recorded as an affecting incident that, some months after the first frenzy of her disturbed mind had given way to medical treatment, and had lapsed into a gentler form of lunacy, she was dismissed from confinement; ^^‘Equivocating impromptu”'. — The party had gathered in a tumultuary way ; so that some Capulets had mingled with the Mon¬ tagues, one of whom called uj)on Dr. Byrom to drink The King, God bless him ! and Confusion to the Pretender! Upon which the doctor sang out— “ God bless the king, of church and state defender ; God bless (no harm in blessing) the Pretender ! But who Pretender is, and rvho the King— God bless us all! that’s quite another thing.” Dr. Byrom was otherwise famous than as a Jacobite—viz., as the author of a very elaborate shorthand, which (according to some who have examined it) rises even to a philosophic dignity. David Hartley in particular said of it that, “if ever a philosophic language (as projected by Bishop Wilkins, by Leibnitz, &c.) should be brought to bear, in that case Dr. Byrom’s work would furnish the proper character for its notation.” 30 CONFESSIONS OF and, upon finding herself uncontrolled among the pastoral scenes where she played away her childhood, she gradually fell hack to the original habits of her life whilst yet undis¬ turbed by sorrow. Something similar had happened to Mr. Lawson ; and sometime after his first shock, amongst other means for effacing that deep-grooved impression, he had laboured to replace himself, as much as was possible, in the situation of a college student. In this effort he was assisted considerably by the singular arrangement of the house 10 attached to his official station. For an English house it was altogether an oddity, being, in fact, built upon a Roman plan. All the rooms on both storeys had their windows looking down upon a little central court. This court was quadrangular, but so limited in its dimensions that by a Roman it would have been regarded as the impluvium: for Mr. Lawson, however, with a little exertion of fancy, it transmuted itself into a college quadrangle. Here, therefore, were held the daily “callings-over,” at which every student Avas obliged to answer upon being named. And thus the 20 unhappy man, renewing continually the fancy that he was still standing in an Oxford quadrangle, perhaps cheated himself into the belief that all had been a dream which con¬ cerned the caprices of the lady, and the lady herself a phantom. College usages also which served to strengthen this fanciful alibi —such, for instance, as the having tAvo plates arranged before him at dinner (one for the animal, the other for the vegetable, food)—were reproduced in Millgate. One sole luxury also, someAvhat costly, which, like most young men of easy income, he had allowed himself at 30 Oxford, was now retained long after it had become practi¬ cally useless. This Avas a hunter for himself, and another for his groom, AAdiich he continued to keep, in spite of the increasing war-taxes, many a year after he had almost ceased to ride. Once in three or four months he would have the horses saddled and brought out. Then, with considerable effort, he SAvung himself into the saddle, moved off at a quiet amble, and in about fifteen or twenty minutes might be seen returning from an excursion of two miles, under the AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 31 imagination that he had laid in a stock of exercise sufficient for another period of a hundred days. Meantime Mr. Lawson had sought his main consolation in the great classics of elder days. His senior alumni were always working their way through some great scenic poet that had shaken the stage of Athens ; and more than one of his classes, never ending, still beginning, were daily solacing him with the gaieties of Horace, in' his Epistles or in his Satires. The Horatian jests indeed to /wm never grew old. On coming to the jAagosus Orhilius, or any other sally of pleasantry, he still 10 threw himself back in his arm-chair, as he had done through fifty years, with what seemed heart-shaking bursts of sympa¬ thetic merriment. Mr. Lawson, indeed, could afford to be sincerely mirthful over the word plagosus. There are gloomy tyrants, exulting in the discipline of fear, to whom and to whose pupils this word must call up remembrances too degrading for any but affected mirth'. Allusions that are too fearfully personal cease to be subjects of playfulness. Sycophancy only it is that laughs ] and the artificial merri¬ ment is but tbe language of shrinking and grovelling de- 20 precation. Different, indeed, was the condition of the Manchester Grammar Scliool. It was honourable both to the masters and the upper boys, through whom only such a result was possible, that in that school, during my knowledge of it (viz., during the closing year of the eighteenth century and the two opening years of the nine¬ teenth), all punishments that appealed to the sense of bodily pain bad fallen into disuse; and this at a period long before any public agitation bad begun to stir in that direction. How then was discipline maintained? It was maintained 30 through the self-discipline of the senior boys, and through the efficacy of their example, combined with their system of rules. Noble are the impulses of opening manhood where they are not rffterly ignoble; at that period, I mean, when the poetic sense begins to blossom, and when boys are first inade sensible of the paradise that lurks in female smiles. 1 lad the school been entirely a day-school, too probable it is that the vulgar brawling tendencies of boys left to themselves 32 CONFESSIONS OF would have prevailed. But it happened that the elder section of the school—those on the brink of manhood, and hy incalculable degrees the more scholar-like section, all who read, meditated, or began to kindle into the love of litera¬ ture—were boarders in Mr, Lawson’s house. The students, therefore, of the house carried an overwhelming influence into the school. They were bound together by links of brotherhood; whereas the day-scholars were disconnected. Over and above this, it happened luckily that there Avas no 10 playground, not the smallest, attached to the school; that is, none was attached to the upper or grammar school. But there was also, and resting on the same liberal endowment, a loioer school, where the whole machinery of teaching was applied to the lowest mechanical accomplishments of read¬ ing and writing. The hall in which this servile business was conducted ran under the upper school; it was, therefore, I presume, a subterraneous duplicate of the upper hall. And, since the upper rose only by two or three feet above the level of the neighbouring streets, the lower school should 20 naturally have been at a great depth helow these streets. In that case it would he a dark crypt, such' as we see under some cathedrals ; and it would have argued a singular Avant of thoughtfulness in the founder to have laid one part of his establishment under an original curse of darkness. As the access to this plebeian school lay downwards through long flights of steps, I never found surplus energy enough for investigating the problem. But, as the ground broke aAvay precipitously at that point into lower levels, I presume, upon consideration, that the subterranean crypt will he found open 30 on one side to visitations from sun and moon. So that, for this base mechanic school, there may, after all, have been a playground. /But for ours in the upper air, I repeat, there Avas none ; riot so much as would have bleached a lady’s pocket-handkerchief j and this one defect carried along Avith it unforeseen advantages. Lord Bacon it is who notices the subtle policy which may lurk in the mere external figure of a table. A square table, having an undeniable liead and foot, two polar extremities AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EATER. 33 of what is highest and lowest, a perihelion and an aphelion together with equatorial sides, opens at a glance a large career to ambition ; whilst a circular table sternly represses all such aspiring dreams, and so does a triangular table. Yet, if the triangle should be right-angled, then the Lucifer seated at the right angle might argue that he subtended all the tenants of the liypothenuse ; being, therefore, as much nobler than they as Atlas was nobler than the globe which he carried. It was, by the way, some arrangement of this nature which constituted the original feature of distinction 10 in John o’ Groat’s house, and not at all (as most people suppose) the high northern latitude of this house. John, it seems, finished the feuds for precedency, not by legislating this way or that, hut by cutting away the possibility of such feuds through the assistance of a round table. The same principle must have guided King Arthur amongst his knights, Charlemagne amongst his paladins, and sailors in their effectual distribution of the peril attached to a muti¬ nous remonstrance by the admirable device of a “round- robin.” Even two little girls, as Harrington remarks in his 20 “ Oceana,” have oftentimes hit upon an expedient, through pure mother-wit, more effectual than all the schools of philosophy could have suggested, for insuring the impartial division of an orange ; which expedient is that either of the two shall divide, hut then that the other shall have the right of choice. You divide, and I choose. Such is the formula ; and an angel could not devise a more absolute guarantee for the equity of the division than by thus forcing the divider to become the inheritor of any possible disadvantages that he may have succeeded in creating by his own act of division. 30 In all these cases one seemingly trivial precaution opens, in the next stage, into a world of irresistible consequences. And, in our case, an effect not less disproportionate followed out of that one accident, apparently so slight, that we had no playground. We of the seniority, who, by thoughtfulness, and the conscious dignity of dealing largely with literature, were already indisposed to boyish sports, found, through the defect of a playgrorind, that our choice and our pride were 0 34 CONFESSIONS OF also our necessity. Even the proudest of us benefited by that coercion ; for many would else have sold their privilege of pride for an hour’s amusement, and have become, at least, occasional conformists. A day more than usually fine, a trial of skill more than usually irritating to the sense of special superiority, would have seduced most of us in the end into the surrender of our exclusiveness. Indiscriminate familiarity would have followed as an uncontrollable result; since to mingle with others in common acts of business may 10 leave the sense of reserve undisturbed: but all reserve gives way before a common intercourse in pleasure. As it was, what with our confederation through house-membership, what with our reciprocal sympathies in the problems sug¬ gested by books, we had become a club of boys (amongst whom might be four or five that were even young men, counting eighteen or nineteen years) altogether as thoughtful and as self-respecting as can often exist even amongst adults. Even the subterraneous school contributed something to our self-esteem. It formed a subordinate section of our own 20 establishment, that kept before our eyes, by force of contrast, the dignity inherent in our own constitution. Its object was to master humble accomplishments that were within the reach of mechanic efforts : everything mechanic is limited ; whereas we felt that our object, even if our name of grammar school presented that object in what seemed too limited a shape, was substantially noble, and tended towards the infinite. But in no long time I came to see that, as to the name, we were all of us under a mistake. Being asked what a grammar school indicates, what it professes to teach, 30 there is scarcely any man who would not reply, “ Teach 1 why, it teaches grammar : what else ? ” But this is a mistake : as I have elsewhere explained, grammatica in this combination does not mean grammar (though grammar also obeys the movements of a most subtle philosophy), but literature. Look into Suetonius. Those “ grammatici ” whom he memorialises as an order of men flocking to Rome in the days of the Flavian family, were not grammarians at all, but what the French by a comprehensive name style AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 35 litterateurs —that is, they were men who (1) studied litera¬ ture, (2) who taught literature, (3) who practically produced literature. And, upon the whole, grammatica is perhaps the least objectionable Latin equivalent for our word literature. Having thus sketched the characteristic points distin¬ guishing the school and the presiding master (for of masters, senior and junior, there were four in this upper school), I return to my own inaugural examination. On this day, memorable to myself, as furnishing the starting-point for so 10 long a series of days, saddened by haughty obstinacy on one side, made effective by folly on the other, no sooner had my guardian retired than Mr. Lawson produced from his desk a volume of the “ Spectator,” and instructed me to throw into as good Latin as I could some paper of Steele’s—not the whole, but perhaps a third part. Ho better exercise could have been devised for testing the extent of my skill as a Latinist. And here I ought to make an explanation. In the previous edition of these “ Confessions,” writing some¬ times too rapidly, and with little precision in cases of 20 little importance, I conveyed an impression which I had not designed with regard to the true nature of my preten¬ sions as a Grecian; and something of the same correction will apply to that narrower accomplishment which was the subject of my present examination. Heither in Greek nor in Latin was my knowledge very extensive; my age made that impossible; and especially because in those days there were no decent guides through the thorny jungles of the Latin language, far less of the Greek. When I mention that the Port Royal Greek Grammar translated by Dr. Hugent was 30 about the best key extant in English to the innumerable perplexities of Greek diction, and that, for the res metrica^ Morell’s valuable ‘‘ Thesaurus,” having then never been reprinted, was rarely to be seen, the reader will conclude that a schoolboy’s knowledge of Greek could not be other than slender. Slender indeed was mine. Yet stop ! what was slender 1 Simply my knowledge of Greek ; for that know¬ ledge stretches by tendency to the infinite ; but not therefore 36 CONFESSIONS OF my command of Greek. The knotoledge of Greek must always hold some gross proportion to the time spent upon it, —probably, therefore, to the age of the student; but the command over a language, the power of adapting it plastically to the expression of your own thoughts, is almost exclusively a gift of nature, and has very little connexion with time. Take the supreme trinity of Greek scholars that flourished between the English Eevolution of 1688 and the beginning of the nineteenth century—which trinity I suppose to be, 10 confessedly, Bentley, Valckenaer, and Person : such are the men, it will be generally fancied, whose aid should be invoked, in the event of our needing some eloquent Greek inscription on a public monument. I am of a different opinion. The greatest scholars have usually proved to be the poorest composers in either of the classic languages. Sixty years ago, we had, from four separate doctors, four separate Greek versions of “Gray’s Elegy,” all unworthy of the national scholarship. Yet one of these doctors was actually Person’s predecessor in the Greek chair at 20 Cambridge. But, as he (Dr. Cooke) was an obscure man, take an undeniable Grecian, of punctilious precision—viz., Richard Dawes, the well-known author of the “ Miscellanea Critica.” This man, a very martinet in the delicacies of Greek composition—and who should have been a Greek scholar of some mark, since often enough he flew at the throat of Richard Bentley—wrote and published a specimen of a Greek “ Paradise Lost,” and also two most sycophantic idyls addressed to George II. on the death of his “ august ” papa. It is difficult to imagine anything meaner in concep- 30 tion or more childish in expression than these attempts. Now, against them I will stake in competition a copy of iambic verses by a boy, who died, I believe, at sixteen—viz,, a son of Mr. Pitt’s tutor. Tomline, Bishop of Winchester.^ ^ “ A copy of iambic verses ” :—They will be found in the work on the Greek article by Middleton, Bishop of Calcutta, who was the boy’s tutor. On this occasion I would wish to observe that verses like Dawes’s, meant to mimic Homer or Theocritus, or more generally dactylic hexameters, are perfectly useless as tests of power to think freely in Greek. If such verses are examined, it will be found that A A' ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 37 Universally I contend that the faculty of clothing the thoughts in a Greek dress is a function of natural sensi¬ bility, in a great degree disconnected from the extent or the accuracy of the writer’s grammatical skill in Greek. These explanations are too long. The reader will under¬ stand, as their sum, that what I needed in such a case was, not so much a critical familiarity with the syntax of the language, or a co^ia verhorum, as great agility in reviewing the relations of one idea to another, so as to present modern 10 and unclassical objects under such aspects as might suggest periphrases in substitution for direct names, where names could not he had, and everywhere to colour my translation with as rich a display of idiomatic forms as the circumstances of the case would allow. I succeeded, and beyond my expectation. For once—being the first time that he had been known to do such a thing, but also the very last—Mr. Lawson did absolutely pay me a compliment. And with another compliment more than verbal he crowned his gracious condescensions—viz., with my provisional instalment in his 20 highest class; not the highest at that moment, since there was one other class above us; but this other was on the wing for Oxford within some few weeks; which change being accomplished, we (viz., I and two others) immediately moved up into the supreme place. Two nr three days after this examination—viz., on the Sunday following—I transferred myself to head-quarters at Mr. Lawson’s house. About nine o’clock in the evening, I was conducted by a servant up a short flight of stairs, through a series of gloomy and unfurnished little rooms, having small 30 windows but no doors, to the common room (as in Oxford it would technically be called) of the senior boys. Everything had combined to depress me. To leave the society of accom- the orchestral maguiticence of the metre, and the sonorous cadence of each separate line, absolutely force upon^ the thoughts mere necessity of being discontinuous. From this signal defect only iambic senarii are free ; this metre possessing a power of plastic interfusion similar in kind, though inferior in degree, to the English blank verse when Miltouically written. 38 CONFESSIONS OP plished women —that was already a signal privation. The season besides was rainy, which in itself is a sure source of depression ; and the forlorn aspect of the rooms completed my dejection. But the scene changed as the door was thrown open: faces kindling with animation became visible; and from a company of boys, numbering sixteen or eighteen, scattered about the room, two or three, whose age entitled them to the rank of leaders, calne forward to receive me with a courtesy which I had not looked for. The grave 10 kindness and the absolute sincerity of their manner impressed me most favourably. I had lived familiarly with boys gathered from all quarters of the island at the Bath Gram¬ mar School: and for some time (when visiting Lord Alta- mont at Eton) with boys of the highest aristocratic preten¬ sions. At Bath and at Eton, though not equally, there prevailed a tone of higher polish ; and in the air, speech, deportment of the majority could be traced at once a pre¬ mature knowledge of the world. They had indeed the advantage over my new friends in graceful self-possession ; 20 but, on the other hand, the best of them suffered by com¬ parison with these Manchester boys in the qualities of visible self-restraint and of self-respect. At Eton high rank was distributed pretty liberally ; but in the Man¬ chester school the parents of many boys were artisans, or of that rank ; some even had sisters that were menial servants; and those who stood higher by pretensions of birth and gentle blood were, at the most, the sons of rural gentry or of clergymen. And I believe that, with the exception of three or four brothers, belonging to a clergyman’s family at 30 York, all were, like myself, natives of Lancashire. At that time my experience was too limited to warrant me in expressing any opinion, one way or the other,, upon the relative pretensions—moral and intellectual—of the several provinces in our island. But since then I have seen reason to agree with the late Dr. Cooke Taylor in awarding the pre-eminence, as regards energy, power to face suffering, and other high qualities, to the natives of Lancashire. Even a century back, they were distinguished for the culture of AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 39 refined tastes. In musical skill and sensibility, no part of Europe, with the exception of a few places in Germany, could pretend to rival them : and, accordingly, even in Handel’s days, but for the chorus-singers from Lanca¬ shire, his oratorios must have remained a treasure, if not absolutely sealed, at any rate most imperfectly revealed. One of the young men, noticing my state of dejection, brought out some brandy—a form of alcohol which I, for my part, tasted now for the first time, having previously 10 taken only wine, and never once in quantities to affect my spirits. So much the greater was my astonishment at the rapid change worked in my state of feeling—a change which at once reinstalled me in my natural advantages for conversation. Towards this nothing was wanting but a question of sufiicient interest. And a question arose naturally out of a remark addressed by one of the boys to myself, implying that perhaps I had intentionally timed my arrival so as to escape the Sunday evening exercise. Ho, I replied , not at all; what was that exercise % Simply an 20 off-hand translation from the little work of Grotius ^ on the Evidences of Christianity. Did I know the book % Ho, I did not ; aU the direct knowledge which I had of Grotius was built upon his metrical translations into Latin of various fragments surviving from the Greek scenical poets, and these translations had struck me as exceedingly beautiful. On the other hand, his work of highest pretension, “ De Jure Belli et Pacis,” so signally praised by Lord Bacon, I had not read at all; but I had heard such an account of it from a very thoughtful person as made it probable that Grotius was 30 stronger, and felt himself stronger, on literary than on philoso¬ phic ground. Then, with regard to his little work on the Mosaic and Christian revelations, I had heard very disparag¬ ing opinions about it; two especially. One amounted to no more than this—that the question was argued with a logic far inferior, in point of cogency, to that of Lardner and Paley. Here several boys interposed their loud assent, as regarded ^ Entitled “ De Veritate Cliristiaiioa Religionis.” 40 CONFESSIONS OF Paley in particular. Paley’s “ Evidences,” at that time just seven years old, had already become a subject of study amongst them. But the other objection impeached not so much the dialectic acuteness as the learning of Grotius—at least, the appropriate learning. According to the anecdote current upon this subject. Dr. Edward Pococke, the great oriental scholar of England in the seventeenth century, when called upon to translate the little work of Grotius into Arabic or Turkish, had replied by pointing to the idle legend of 10 Mahomet’s pigeon or dove, as a reciprocal messenger between the prophet and heaven—which legend had been accredited and adopted by Grotius in the blindest spirit of credulity. Such a baseless fable, Pococke alleged, would work a double mischief; not only it would ruin the authority of that par¬ ticular book in the East, but would damage Christianity for generations, by making known to the followers of the Prophet that their master was undervalued amongst the Franks on the authority of nursery tales, and that these tales were accredited by the leading Frankish 20 scholars. A twofold result of evil would follow : not only would our Christian erudition and our Christian scholars be scandal¬ ously disparaged; a consequence that in some cases might not be incompatible with a sense amongst Mahometans that the strength of Christianity itself was left unaffected by the errors and blunders of its champions; but, secondly, there would he in this case a strong reaction against Christianity itself. Plausibly enough it would he inferred that a vast religious philosophy could have no powerful battery of 30 arguments in reserve, when it placed its main anti-Maho¬ metan reliance upon so childish a fable : since, allowing even for a blameless assent to this fable amongst nations having no direct intercourse with Mussulmans, still it would argue a shocking frailty in Christianity that its main pleadings rested, not upon any strength of its own, but simply upon a weakness in its antagonist. At this point, when the cause of Grotius seemed utterly desperate, G- (a boy whom subsequently I had reason AJV ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 4i to admire as equally courageous, truthful, and far-seeing) suddenly changed the whole field of view. He offered no defence for the ridiculous fable of the pigeon ; which pigeon, on the contrary, he represented as drawing in harness with that Christian goose which at one time was universally believed by Mahometans to lead the vanguard of the earliest Crusaders, and which, in a limited extent, really had been a true historical personage. So far he gave rrp Grotius as indefensible. But on the main question, and the very ex¬ tensive question, of his apparent imbecility when collated ]0 with Paley, &c., suddenly and in one sentence he revolu¬ tionised the whole logic of that comparison. Paley and Lardner, he said, what was it that they sought ? Their object was avowedly to benefit by any argument, evidence, or presumption whatsoever, no matter whence drawn, so long as it was true or probable, and fitted to sustain the credibility of any element in the Christian creed. Well, was not that object common to them and to Grotius 1 Hot at all. Too often had he (the boy G-) secretly noticed the abstinence of Grotius (apparently unaccountable) from certain obvious 20 advantages of argument, not to suspect that, in narrowing his own field of disputation, he had a deliberate purpose, and was moving upon the line of some very different policy. Clear it was to him that Grotius, for some reason, declined to receive evidence except from one special and limited class of witnesses. Upon this, some of us laughed at such a self¬ limitation as a wild bravado, recalling that rope-dancing feat of some verse-writers who, through each several stanza in its turn, had gloried in dispensing with some one separate con¬ sonant, some vowel, or some diphthong, and thus achieving a 30 triumph such as crowns with laurel that pedestrian athlete who wins a race by hopjjing on one leg, or wins it under the inhuman condition of confining both legs within a sack. “iVb, no," impatiently interrupted G-. “All such fantastic conflicts with self-created difficulties terminate in pure ostentation, and profit nobody. But the self-imposed limita¬ tions of Grotius had a special purpose, and realised a value not otherwise attainable.” If Grotius accepts no arguments CONPESSIONS OP A± or presumptions except from Mussulmans, from Infidels, or from those who rank as Neutrals, then has he adapted his hook to a separate and peculiar audience. The Neutral man will hearken to authorities notoriously Neutral; Mussulmans will show deference to the statements of Mussulmans j the Sceptic will bow to the reasonings of Scepticism. All these persons, that would have been repelled on the very threshold from such testimonies as begin in a spirit of hostility to themselves, will listen thoughtfully to suggestions offered 10 in a spirit of conciliation ; much more so if offered by people occupying the same ground at starting as them¬ selves. At the cost of some disproportion, I have ventured to rehearse this inaugural conversation amongst the leaders of the school. Whether G-were entirely correct in this application of a secret key to the little work of Grotius, I do not know. I take blame to myself that I do not; for I also must have been called upon for my quota to the Sunday evening studies on the “De Veritate,” and must therefore 20 have held in my hands the ready means for solving the question.^ Meantime, as a solitary act of silent observation in a hoy not fifteen, this deciphering idea of G-’s, in direct resist¬ ance to the received idea, extorted my admiration; and equally, whether true or false as regarded the immediate fact. That any person, in the very middle storm of chase, when a headlong movement carries all impulses into one current, should in the twinkling of an eye recall himself to the unexpected “ doubles ” of the game, wheel as that wheels, 30 and sternly resist the instincts of the one preoccupying assumption, argues a sagacity not often heard of in boyhood. Was G-right? In that case he picked a lock which ^ Some excuse, however, for my own want of energy is suggested by the fact that very soon after my matriculation Mr. Lawson substi¬ tuted for Grotius, as the Sunday evening lecture-book, Dr. Clarke’s Commentary on the New Testament. “ Out of sight, out of mind” ; and in that way only can I account for my own neglect to clear up the question. Or perhaps, after all, I did clear it up, and in a long life-march subsequently may have dropped it by the wayside. AN ENGLISH OPiUM-EA TEP. 43 others had failed to pick. Was he wrong % In that case he sketched the idea and outline of a better work (better, as more original and more special in its service) than any which Grotius has himself accomplished. Hot, however, the particular boy, but the particular school, it was my purpose, in this place, to signalise for praise and gratitude, In after years, when an under-graduate at Oxford, I had an opportunity of reading as it were in a mirror the characteristic pretensions and the average success of many celebrated schools. Such a mirror I found 10 in the ordinary conversation and in the favourite reading of young gownsmen belonging to the many different colleges of Oxford. Generally speaking, each college had a filial connexion (strict ^ or not strict) with some one or more of our great public schools. These, fortunately for England, are diffused through all her counties : and, as the main appointments to the capital offices in such public schools are often vested by law in Oxford or Cambridge, this arrange¬ ment guarantees a sound system of teaching; so that any failures in the result must presumably be due to the in- 20 dividual student. Failures, on the whole, I do not suppose that there were. Classical attainments that might be styled even splendid were not then, nor are now, uncommon. And yet in one great feature many of those schools, even the very best, when thus tried by their fruits, left a painful memento of failure ] or rather not of failure ae in relation to any purpose that they steadily recognised, but of wilful and intentional disregard, as towards a purpose alien from any duty of theirs, or any task which they had ever undertaken —a failure, namely, in relaticm to modern literature—a 30 neglect to unroll its mighty charts : and amongst this modern literature a special neglect (such as seems almost brutal) of our own English literature, though pleading its patent of pre¬ cedency in a voice so trumpet-tongued. To myself, whose ^ “Strict or not strict" ;—In some colleges the clainis of alumni from certain schools were absolute ; in some, I believe, conditional; in others, again, concurrent with rival claims from favoured schools or favoured counties. 44 COIVFESSIONS OF homage ascended night and day towards the great altars of English Poetry or Eloquence, it was shocking and revolting to find in high-minded young countrymen, burning with sensibility that sought vainly for a corresponding object, deep unconsciousness of an all-sufficient object—namely, in that great inheritance of our literature which sometimes kindled enthusiasm in our public enemies. How painful to see or to know that vast revelations of grandeur and beauty are wasting themselves for ever—forests teeming 10 with gorgeous life, floral wildernesses hidden inaccessibly; whilst, at the same time, in contraposition to that evil, be¬ hold a corresponding evil—viz., that with equal prodigality the great capacities of enjoyment are running also to waste, and are everywhere burning out unexercised—waste, in short, ill the world of things enjoyable, balanced by an equal waste in the organs and the machineries of enjoyment! This picture—would it not fret the heart of an Englishman'? Some years (say twenty) after the era of my own entrance at that Oxford which then furnished me with records so ‘20 painful of slight regard to our national literature, behold at the court of London a French ambassador, a man of genius blazing (as some people thought) with nationality, but, in fact, with something inexpressibly nobler and deeper—viz., patriotism. For true and unaffected patriotism will show its love in a noble form by sincerity and truth. But nation¬ ality, as I have always found, is mean; is dishonest; is ungenerous; is incapable of candour ; and, being continually besieged with temptations to falsehood, too often ends by becoming habitually mendacious. This Frenchman above 30 all things valued literature ; his own trophies of distinction were all won upon that field : and yet, when called upon to review the literature of Europe, he found himself conscien¬ tiously coerced into making his work a mere monument to the glory of one man, and that man the son of a hostile land. The name of Milton, in Ms estimate, swallowed up all others. This Frenchman was Chateaubriand. The personal splendour which surrounded him gave a corresponding splendour to his act. And, because he, as an ambassador, was a repre- AN ENGLISH OPIUM-RA TER. 45 sentative man, this act might he interpreted as a representative act. The tutelary genius of Trance in this instance might be regarded as bending before that of England. But homage so free, homage so noble, must be interpreted and received in a corresponding spirit of generosity. It was not, like the testimony of Balaam on behalf of Israel, an unwilling sub¬ mission to a hateful truth : it was a concession, in the spirit of saintly magnanimity, to an interest of human nature that, as such, transcended by many degrees all considerations merely national. 10 Now, then, with this unlimited devotion to one great luminary of our literary system emblazoned so conspicuously in the testimony of a Frenchman—that is, of one trained, and privileged to be a public enemy—contrast the humiliating- spectacle of young Englishmen suffered (so far as their train¬ ing is concerned) to ignore the very existence of this mighty poet. Do I mean, then, that it would have been advisable to place the “ Paradise Lost,” and the “ Paradise Eegained,” and the “ Samson,” in the library of schoolboys 1 By no means. That mode of sensibility which deals with the 20 Miltonic sublimity is rarely developed in boyhood. And these divine works should in prudence be reserved to the period of mature manhood. But then it should be made known that they are so reserved, and upon what principle of reverential regard for the poet himself. In the meantime, selections from Milton, from Dryden, from Pope, and many other writers, though not everywhere appreciable by those who have but small experience of life, would not generally transcend the intellect or sensibility of a boy sixteen or seventeen years old. And, beyond all other sections of literature, the two which I am going to mention are fitted (or might be fitted by skilful management) to engage the interest of those who are no longer boys, but have reached the age which is presumable in English university matriculation— viz., the close of the eighteenth year. Search through aU languages, from Benares the mystical, and the bardvs of the Ganges, travelling westwards to the fountains of the Hudson, I deny that any two such hibliothecm for engaging youthful 46 CONFESSIONS OF interest could be brought together as these two which follow ;— First, In contradiction to M. Cousin’s recent audacious assertion (redeemed from the suspicion of mendacity simply by the extremity of ignorance on which it reposes) that we English have no tolerable writer of prose subsequent to Lord Bacon, it so happens that the seventeenth century, and specially that part of it concerned in this case —Viz., the latter seventy years (a.d. 1628—1700)—produced the highest 10 efforts of eloquence (philosophic, but at the same time rhetorical and impassioned, in a degree unknown to the prose literature of France) which our Literature possesses, and not a line of it but is posterior to the death of Lord Bacon. Donne, Chillingworth, Sir Thomas Browne, Jeremy Taylor, Milton, South, Barrow, form a pleiad, a constellation of seven golden stars, such as no literature can match in their own class. From these seven writers, taken apart from all their contem¬ poraries, I would undertake to build up an entire body of philosophy ^ upon the supreme interests of humanity. One 20 error of M. Cousin’s doubtless lay in overlooking the fact that all conceivable problems of philosophy can reproduce themselves under a theological mask: and thus he had absolved himself from reading many English books, as pre¬ sumably mere professional pleadings of Protestant polemics, which are in fact mines inexhaustible of eloquence and philosophic speculation. Secondly, A full abstract of the English Drama from about the year 1580 to the period (say 1635) at which it was killed by the frost of the Puritanical spirit seasoning all 30 flesh for the Parliamentary War. No literature, not ex¬ cepting even that of Athens, has ever presented such a ^ “Philosophy” ;—At this point it is that the main misconception would arise. Theology, and not philosophy, most people will fancy, is likely to form the staple of these writers. But I have elsewhere maintained that the main bulk of English philosophy has always hidden itself in the English divinity. In Jeremy Taylor, for instance, are exhibited all the practical aspects of philosophy ; of philosophy as it bears upon Life, upon Ethics, and upon Transcendent Prudence— i,e,, briefly upon the Greek summum ionirni. AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EATER. 47 multiform theatre, such a carnival display, mask and anti¬ mask, of impassioned life — breathing, moving, acting, suffering, laughing. “Quicquid agunt homines—votum, timor, ira, voluptas, Gaudia, discursus ” ; ^ —all this, but far more truly and adequately than was or could be effected in that field of composition which the gloomy satirist contemplated,—whatsoever in fact our medi¬ aeval ancestors exhibited in their “Dance of Death,” drunk with tears and laughter,—may here be reviewed, scenically 10 grouped, draped, and gorgeously coloured. What other national drama can pretend to any competition with this ? The Athenian has in a great proportion perished; the Roman was killed prematurely by the bloody realities of the amphitheatre, as candle-light by day-light; tire Spanish, even in the hands of Calderon, offers only undeveloped sketchings; and the French, besides other and profounder objections, to which no justice had yet been done, lies under the signal disadvantage of not having reached its meridian until sixty years (or two generations) after the 20 English. In reality, the great period of the English Drama was exactly closing as the French opened : ^ consequently ^ “All that is done by men—movements of prayer, panic, wrath, revels of the voluptuous, festivals of triumph, or gladiatorship of the intellect.”— Juvenal, in the prefatory lines whieh rehearse the prevail¬ ing themes of his own Satires gathered in the great harvests of Rome. ° It is remarkable that in the period immediately anterior to that of Corneille, a stronger and more living nature was struggling for utterance in French tragedy. Guizot has cited from an early drama (I forget whether of Rotrou or of Hardy) one scene most thoroughly impassioned. The situation is that of a prince who has fixed his love upon a girl of low birth. She is faithful and constant : but the courtiers about the prince, for malicious purposes of their own, calumniate her ; the prince is deluded by the plausible air of the slanders which they disperse : he believes them ; but not with the result (anticipated by the courtiers) of dismissing the girl from his thoughts. On the contrary, he is haunted all the more morbidly by her image ; and, in a scene which brings before us one of the vilest amongst these slanderers exerting himself to the uttermost in drawing off the prince’s thoughts to alien objects, we find the prince vainly attempting any self-control, vainly striving to attend, till he is over¬ ruled by the tenderness of his sorrowing love into finding new occa- 48 CONFESSIONS OF the French lost the prodigious advantage for scenical effects of a romantic and picturesque age. This had vanished when the French theatre culminated; and the natural result was that the fastidiousness of French taste, by this time too powerfully developed, stifled or distorted the free move¬ ments of French genius. I beg the reader’s pardon for this disproportioned digres¬ sion, into which I was hurried by my love for our great national literature, my anxiety to see it amongst educational 10 resources invested with a ministerial agency of far ampler character, hut at all events to lodge a protest against that wholesale neglect of our supreme authors which leaves us open to the stinging reproach of “ treading daily with our clouted shoon ” (to borrow the words of Comus) upon that which high-minded foreigners regard as the one paramount jewel in our national diadem. That reproach fell heavily, as my own limited experience inclined me to fear, upon most of our great public schools, otherwise so admirably conducted.^ But from the Man- 20 Chester Grammar School any such reproach altogether re¬ bounded. My very first conversation with the boys had arisen naturally upon a casual topic, and had shown them to be tolerably familiar with the outline of the Christian polemics in the warfare with Jew, Mahometan, Infidel, and Sceptic. But this was an exceptional case ; and naturally it happened that most of us sought for the ordinary subjects of our conversational discussions in literature—viz., in our own native literature. Here it was that I learned to feel a deep respect for my new school-fellows ; deep it was, then ; sions for awakening thoughts of the lost girl in the very words chiefly relied on for calling off his feelings from her image. The scene (as Guizot himself remarks) is thoroughly Shaksperian ; and I venture to think that this judgment would have been countersigned by Charles Lamb. ^ It will strike everybody that such works as the “Microcosm,” conducted notoriously by Eton boys, and therefore, in part, by Canning as one of their leaders at that period, must have an admirable effect, since not only it must have made it the interest of each contributor, but must eveu have made it his necessity, to cultivate some acquaint¬ ance with his native literature. AN ENGLISH OP/UM^EA TER. 49 and a larger experience has made it deeper. I have since known many literary men; men whose profession was literature; who were understood to have dedicated them¬ selves to literature and who sometimes had with some one special section or little nook of literature an acquaint¬ ance critically minute. But amongst such men I have found hut three or four who had a knowledge which came as near to what I should consider a comprehensive knowledge as really existed amongst those boys collectively. What one boy had not, another had; and thus, by continual inter- 10 course, the fragmentary contribution of one being integrated by the fragmentary contributions of others, gradually the attainments of each separate individual became, in some degree, the collective attainments of the whole senior common room. It is true, undoubtedly, that some parts of literature were inaccessible, simply because the books were inaccessible to boys at school,—for instance, Froissart in the old translation by Lord Berners, now more than three centuries old \ and some parts were, to the young, essen¬ tially repulsive. But, measuring the general qualifications 20 by that standard which I have since found to prevail amongst professional litterateurs, I felt more respectfully towards the majority of my senior school-fellows than ever I had fancied it possible that I should find occasion to feel towards any boys whatever. My intercourse with those amongst them who had any conversational talents greatly stimulated my intellect. This intercourse, however, fell within narrower limits soon after the time of my entrance. I acknowledge, with deep self-reproach, that every possible indulgence was 30 allowed to me which the circumstances of the establishment made possible. I had, for example, a private room allowed, in which I not only studied, but also slept at night. The room being airy and cheerful, I found nothing disagreeable in this double use of it. ISTaturally, however, this means of retirement tended to sequester me from my companions : for, whilst liking the society of some amongst them, I also had a deadly liking (perhaps a morbid liking) for solitude. D 50 CONFESSIONS OF To make my present solitude the more fascinating, my mother sent me five guineas extra, for the purchase of an admission to the Manchester Library; a library which I should not at present think very extensive, hut which, how¬ ever, benefited in its composition, as also in its administra¬ tion, by the good sense and intelligence of some amongst its original committees. These two luxuries were truly and indeed such ; hut a third, from which I had anticipated even greater pleasure, turned out a total failure; and for a 10 reason which it may he useful to mention, by way of caution to others. This was a pianoforte, together with the sum required for regular lessons from a music-master. But the first discovery I made was that practice through eight or even ten hours a-day was indispensable towards any great proficiency on this instrument. Another discovery finished my disenchantment: it was this. For the particu¬ lar purpose which I had in view, it became clear that no mastery of the instrument, not even that of Thalherg, would be available. Too soon I became aware that to the 20 deep voluptuous enjoyment of music absolute passiveness in the hearer is indispensable. Gain what skill you please, nevertheless activity, vigilance, anxiety must always accompany an elaborate effort of musical execution : and so far is that from being reconcilable with the entrancement and lull essential to the true fruition of music, that, even if you should suppose a vast piece of mechanism capable of executing a whole oratorio, but requiring, at intervals, a co-operating impulse from the foot of the auditor, even that, even so much as an occasional touch of the foot, would 30 utterly undermine all your pleasure. A single psychological discovery, therefore, caused my musical anticipations to evanesce. Consequently, one of my luxuries burst like a bubble at an early stage. In this state of things, when the instrument had turned out a bubble, it followed naturally that the music-master should find himself to be a bubble. But he was so thoroughly good natured and agreeable'^that I could not reconcile myself to such a catastrophe. Mean¬ time, though accommodating within certain limits, this music- AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 51 master was yet a conscientious man, and a man of honourable pride. On finding, therefore, that I was not seriously making any effort to improve, he shook hands with me one fine day, and took his leave for ever. Unless it were to point a moral and adorn a tale, the piano had then become useless. It was too big to hang upon willows, and willows there were none in that neighbourhood. But it remained for months as a lumbering monument of labour misapplied, of bubbles that had burst, and of musical visions that, under psychological tests, had foundered for ever. 10 Yes, certainly, this particular luxury—one out of three •—had proved a bubble; too surely this had foundered; but not, therefore, the other two. The quiet study, lifted by two storeys above the vapours of earth, and liable to no unseasonable intrusion; the Manchester Librarj', so judi¬ ciously and symmetrically mounted in all its most attractive departments—no class disproportioned to the rest: these were no bubbles; these had not foundered. Oh, where¬ fore, then, was it—through what inexplicable growth of evil in myself or in others—that now in the summer of -20 1802, when peace was brooding over all the land, peace succeeding to a bloody seven years’ Avar, hut peace AA'hich already gave signs of breaking into a far bloodier war, some dark sympathising movement within my OAvn heart, as if echoing and repeating in mimicry the political menaces of the earth, swept with storm-clouds across that otherwise serene and radiant dawn which should have heralded my approaching entrance into life 1 Inexylicahle I have allowed myself to call this fatal error in my life, because such it must appear to others; since, even to myself, so often as I 30 fail to realise the case by reproducing a reflex impression in kind, and in degree, of the suffering before which my better angel gave way—yes, even to myself this collapse of my resisting energies seems inexplicable. Yet again, in simple truth, noAv that it becomes possible, through changes Avorked by time, to tell the whole truth (and not, as in former- editions, only a part of it), there really was no absolute mystery at all. But this case, in common Avith many 52 CONFESSIONS OF others, exemplifies to my mind the mere impossibility of making full and frank “Confessions,” whilst many of the persons concerned in the incidents are themselves surviving, or (which is worse still), if themselves dead and buried, are yet vicariously surviving in the persons of near and loving kinsmen. Rather than inflict mortifications upon people so circumstanced, any kindhearted man will choose to mutilate his narrative; will suppress facts, and will mystify explana¬ tions. For instance, at this point in my record, it has 10 become my right, perhaps I might say my duty, to call a particular medical man of the penultimate generation a blockhead; nay, doubtfully, to call him a criminal block¬ head. But could I do this without deep compunction, so long as sons and daughters of his were still living, from whom I, when a boy, had received most hospitable attentions? Often, on the very same day which brought home to my suffering convictions the atrocious ignorance of papa, I was benefiting by the courtesies of the daughters, and by the scientific accomplishments of the son. Not 20 the less this man, at that particular moment when a crisis of gloom was gathering over my path, became effectually my evil genius. Not that singly perhaps he could have worked any durable amount of mischief; but he, as a co-operator unconsciously with others, sealed and ratified that sentence of stormy sorrow then hanging over my head. Three separate persons, in fact, made them¬ selves unintentional accomplices in that ruin (a ruin reaching me even at this day by its shadows) which threw me out a homeless vagrant upon the earth before I 30 had accomplished my seventeenth year. Of these three persons, foremost came myself, through my wilful despair and resolute abjuration of all secondary hope; since, after all, some mitigation ivas possible, supposing that perfect relief might not he possible. Secondly, came that medical ruffian through whose brutal ignorance it happened that my malady had not been arrested before reaching an advanced stage. Thirdly, came Mr. Lawson, through whose growing infirmities it had arisen that this malady ever reached its AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EATER. 53 very earliest stage, Strange it was, but not the less a fact, that Mr. Lawson was gradually becoming a curse to all who fell under his influence, through pure zealotry of conscien¬ tiousness. Being a worse man, he would have carried far deeper blessings into his circle. If he could have reconciled himself to an imperfect discharge of his duties, he would not have betrayed his insufficiency for those duties. But this he would not hear of. He persisted in travelling over the appointed course to the last inch : and the consequences told most painfully upon the comfort of all around him. By IQ the old traditionar;^ usages of the school, going in at seven A.M., we ought to have been dismissed for breakfast and a full hour’s repose at nine. This hour of rest was in strict justice a debt to the students—Hable to no discount either through the caprice or the tardiness of the supreme master. Yet such were the gradual encroachments upon this hour that at length the bells of the collegiate church,—which, by an ancient usage, rang every morning from half-past nine to ten, and through varying modifications of musical key and rliythmus that marked the advancing stages of the half-hour, 20 —regularly announced to us, on issuing from the school¬ room, that the bread and milk, which composed our simple breakfast, must be dispatched at a pace fitter for the fowls of the air than students of Grecian philosophy. But was no compensatory encroachment for our benefit allowed upon the next hour from ten to eleven ? Not for so much as the fraction of a second. Inexorably as the bells, by stopping, announced the hour of ten, was Mr. Lawson to be seen ascending the steps of the school; and he that suffered most by this rigorous exaction of duties could not allege that 30 Mr. Lawson suffered less. If he required others to pay, he also paid up to the last farthing. The same derange¬ ment took place, with the same refusal to benefit by any indemnification, at what shoidd have been the two- hours’ pause for dinner. Only for some mysterious reason, resting possibly upon the family arrangements of the day-scholars,—which, if once violated, might have pro¬ voked a rebellion of fathers and mothers,—he still adhered 54 CONFESSIONS OF ft faithfully to five o’clock p.m. as the closing hour of the day’s labours. Here then stood arrayed the whole machinery of mischief in good working order; and through six months or more, allowing for one short respite of four weeks, this machinery had been operating with effect. Mr. Lawson, to begin, had (without meaning it, or so much as perceiving it) barred up all avenues from morning to night through which any bodily exercise could he obtained. Two or three chance intervals 10 of five minutes each, and even these not consecutively ar¬ ranged, composed the whole available fund of leisure out of which any stroll into the country could have been at¬ tempted. But in a great city like Manchester the very suburbs had hardly been reached before that little fraction of time was exhausted. Very soon after Mr. Lawson’s increasing infirmities had begun to tell severely in the contraction of our spare time, the change showed itself powerfully in my drooping health. Gradually the liver . became affected ; and connected with that affection arose, 20 what often accompanies such ailments, profound melancholy. In such circumstances, indeed under any the slightest dis¬ turbance of my health, I had authority from my guardians to call for medical advice : but I was not left to my own discretion in selecting the adviser. This person was not a physician, who would, of course, have expected the ordinary fee of a guinea for every visit; nor a surgeon ; but simply an apothecary. In any case of serious illness a physician would have been called in. But a less costly style of advice was reasonably held to be sufficient in any illness 30 which left the patient strength sufficient to walk about. Certainly it ought to have been sufficient here : for no case could possibly be simpler. Three doses of calomel or blue pill, which unhappily I did not then know, would no doubt have re-established me in a week. But far better, as acting always upon me with a magical celerity and a magical certainty, would have been the authoritative prescription (privately notified to Mr. Lawson) of seventy miles’ walking in each week. Unhappily my professional adviser was a A/V ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 55 comatose old gentleman, rich beyond all his needs, careless of his own practice, and standing under that painful necessity (according to the custom then regulating medical practice, which prohibited fees to apothecaries) of seeking his remuneration in excessive deluges of medicine. Me, however, out of pure idleness, he forbore to plague with any variety of medicines. With sublime simplicity he confined himself to one horrid mixture, that must have suggested itself to him when prescribing for a tiger. In ordinary circumstances, and with plenty of exercise, no 10 creature could be healthier than myself. But my organisa¬ tion was perilously frail. And to fight simultaneously with such a malady and such a medicine seemed really too much. The proverb tells us that three “ flittings ” are as bad as a fire. Very possibly. And I should think that, in the same spirit of reasonable equation, three such tiger- drenches must be equal to one apoplectic fit, or even to the tiger himself. Having taken two of them, which struck me as quite enough for one life, I declined to comply with the injunction of the label pasted upon each several phial—viz., 20 Repetatur hatistus ; ^ and, instead of doing any such danger¬ ous thing, called upon Mr. - (the apothecary) beg¬ ging to know if his art had not amongst its reputed in¬ finity of resources any less abominable, and less shattering to a delicate system than this. “ Hone whatever,” he replied. Exceedingly kind he was; insisted on my drinking tea with his really amiable daughters; but continued at intervals to repeat “ Hone whatever—none whatever ”; then, as if rousing himself to an eflbrt, he sang out loudly “ Hone Avhatever,” which in this final utterance 30 he toned down syllabically into “ whatever — ever — ver — er.” The whole wit of man, it seems, had exhausted itself upon the preparation of that one infernal mixture. How then we three—Mr. Lawson, the somnolent apothe¬ cary, and myself—had amongst us accomplished a climax of j)erplexity. Mr. Lawson, by mere dint of conscientiousne^ had made health for me impossible. The apotheca||^^H 1 “ Let tlie draught be repeated.” 56 CONFESSIONS OF subscribed his little contribution, by ratifying and trebling the ruinous effects of this sedentariness. And for myself, as last in the series, it now remained to clench the operas- tion by my own little contribution, all that I really had to offer—viz., absolute despair. Those who have ever suffered from a profound derangement of the liver may happen to know that of human despondencies through all their infinite gamut none is more deadly. Hope died within me. I could not look for medical relief, so deep being my own 10 ignorance, so equally deep being that of my official coun¬ sellor. I could not expect that Mr. Lawson would modify his system—his instincts of duty being so strong, his inca^ pacity to face that duty so steadily increasing. “ It comes then to this,” thought I, “ that in myself only there lurks any arrear of help ”: as always for every man the ultimate reli¬ ance should be on himself. But this self of mine seemed absolutely bankrupt; bankrupt of counsel or device—of effort in the way of action, or of suggestion in the way of plan. I had for two months been pursuing with one of my 20 guardians what I meant for a negotiation upon this subject j the main object being to obtain some considerable abbrevia¬ tion of my school residence. But negotiation was a self- flattering name for such a correspondence, since there never had been from the beginning any the slightest leaning on my guardian’s part towards the shadow or pretence of a compromise. What compromise, indeed, was possible where neither party could concede a part, however small: the tvhole must be conceded, or nothing : since no mezzo termine was conceivable. In reality, when my eyes first 30 glanced upon that disagreeable truth—that no opening offered for reciprocal concession, that the concession must all be on one side—naturally it struck me that no guardian could be expected to do that. 4t the same moment it also struck me that my guardian had all along never for a moment been arguing with a view to any practical result, ^iWsimply in the hope that he might win over my assent reasonableness of what, reasonable or not, was |mioveably. These sudden discoveries, flashing AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EATER. 57 upon me simultaneously, were quite sufficient to put a summary close to the correspondence. And I saw also, which strangely had escaped me till this general revelation of disappointments, that any individual guardian^even if he had been disposed to concession — was but one after all amongst five. Well: this amongst the general black¬ ness really brought a gleam of comfort. If the whole object on ,which I had spent so much excellent paper and midnight tallow (I am ashamed to use so vile a word, and yet truth forbids me to say oil), if this would have JO been so nearly worthless when gained, then it became a kind of pleasure to have lost it, All considerations united now in urging me to waste no more of either rhetoric, tallow, or logic upon my impassive granite block of a guardian. Indeed, I suspected, on reviewing his last com¬ munication, that he had just reached the last inch of his patience, or (in nautical diction) had “ paid out ” the entire cable by which he swung ; so that, if I, acting on the apothecary’s precedent of repetatur haustus,” had endeavoured to administer another bolus or draught of 20 expostulation, he would have followed my course as to the tiger-drench, in applying his potential No to any such audacious attempt. To my guardian, meantime, I owe this justice—that, over and above the absence on my side of any arguments wearing even a colourable strength (for to him the suffering from biliousness must have been a mere word), he had the following weighty consideration to offer, “ which even this foolish boy ” (to himself he would say) “ will think material some three years ahead.” My patri¬ monial income, at the moment of my father’s death, like 30 that of all my brothers (then three), was exactly £150 per annum,^ Now, according to the current belief, or boldly, one might say, according to the avowed traditional 1 “ £150 per annum Why in a long minority of more than four¬ teen years this was not improved, I never could learn. Nobody was open to any suspicion of positive embezzlement: and yet this case must be added to the other cases of passive neglects and nega¬ tive injuries which so extensively disfigure the representative picture of guardianship all over Christendom. 58 CONFESSIONS OF maxim throughout England, such an income Avas too little for an under-graduate, keeping his four terms annually at Oxford or Cambridge. Too little—by how much 1 By £50 : the adequate income being set down at just £200. Consequently the precise sum by which my income was supposed (falsely supposed, as subsequently my own experi¬ ence convinced me) to fall short of the income needed for Oxford, was that very sum which the fun^s of the Manchester Grammar School allocated to every student 10 resident for a period of three years ; and allocated not merely through a corresponding period of three years, but of seven years. Strong should have been the reasons that could neutralise such overwhelming pleadings of just and honourable prudence for submitting to the further resid¬ ence required. 0 reader, urge not the crying arguments that spoke so tumultuously against me. Too sorrowfully I feel them. Out of thirty-six months’ residence required, I had actually completed nineteen— i.e., the better half. Still, on the other hand, it is true that my sufferings 20 were almost insupportable ; and, but for the blind uncon¬ scious conspiracy of two persons, these sufferings would either (1) never have existed, or (2) Avould have been instantly relieved. In a great city like Manchester lay, probably, a ship-load of that same mercury which, by one fragment, not so large as an acorn, would have changed the colour of a human life, or would have intercepted the heavy funeral knell—heavy, though it may be partially muffled—of his own fierce self-reproaches. But now, at last, came over me, from the mere excess 30 of bodily suffering and mental disappointments, a frantic and rapturous re-qgency. In the United States the case is well knoAvn, and many times has been described by travellers, of that fuilous instinct AA^hich, under a secret call for saline variations of diet, drives all the tribes of buffaloes for thousands of miles to the common centre of the “ Salt-licks.” Under such a compulsion does the locust, under such a compulsion does the lemming, traverse its mysterious path. They are deaf to danger, deaf to the AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EATER. 59 cry of battle, deaf to the trumpets of death. Let the sea cross their path, let armies with artillery bar the road, even these terrific powers can arrest only by destroying; and the most frightful abysses, up to the very last menace of engulfment, up to the very instant of absorption, have no power to alter or retard the line of their inexorable advance. Such an instinct it was, such a rapturous command— even so potent, and alas ! even so blind—that, under the whirl of tumultuous indignation and of new - born hope, suddenly transfigured my whole being. In the twinkling io of an eye, I came to an adamantine resolution—not as if issuing from any act or any choice of my own, but as if pas¬ sively received from some dark oracular legislation external to myself. That I would elope from Manchester—this was the resolution. Abscond would have been the word, if I had meditated anything criminal. But whence came the indignation, and the hope ? The indignation arose naturally against my three tormentors (guardian, Archididascalus, and the professor of tigrology); for those who do substantially co-operate to one result, 20 however little designing it, unavoidably the mind unifies as a hostile confederacy. But the hope—how shall I explain that? Was it the first-born of the resolution, or was the resolution the first-born of the hope ? Indivisibly they went together, like thunder and lightning; or each interchange¬ ably ran before and after the other. Under that tran¬ scendent rapture which the prospect of sudden liberation let loose, all that natural anxiety which should other¬ wise have interlinked itself with my anticipations was actually drowned in the blaze of joy, as the light of the 30 planet Mercury is lost and confounded on sinking too far within the blaze of the solar beams. Practically I felt no care at all stretching beyond two or three weeks. Not as being heedless and improvident; my tfendencies lay generally in the other direction. ISTo ; the cause lurked in what Wordsworth, when describing the festal state of France during the happy morning-tide of her First Revolu¬ tion (1788-1790), calls “ the senselessness of joy ” : this it 6o CONFESSIONS OF was, joy—headlong-—frantic—irreflective—and (as Words^ worth truly calls it), for that very reason, sublime ^—which swallowed up all capacities of rankling care or heart- corroding doubt. I was, I had been long, a captive : I was in a house of bondage : one fulminating word— Let there he freedom —spoken from some hidden recess in my own will, had, as by an earthquake, rent asunder my prison gates. At any minute I could walk out. Already I trod by anticipation the sweet pastoral hills, already I breathed JO gales of the everlasting mountains, that to my feelings blew from the garden of Paradise ; and in that vestibule of an earthly heaven it was no more possible for me to see vividly or in any lingering detail the thorny cares which might hereafter multiply around me than amongst the roses of June, and on the loveliest of June mornings, I could gather depression from the glooms of the last December. To go was settled. But when and irhither ? When could have but one answer; for on more reasons than one I needed summer weather, and as much of it as pos- 20 sible. Besides that, when August came, it would bring along with it my own birth-day : now, one codicil in my general vow of freedom had been that my seventeenth birth-day should not find me at school. Still I needed some trifle of preparation. Especially I needed a little money. I wrote, therefore, to the only confidential friend that I had—-viz.. Lady Carbery. Originally, as early friends of my mother’s, both she and Lord Carbery had distinguished me at Bath and elsewhere, for some years, by flattering attentions; and, for the last three years in particular, Lady 30 Carbery, a young woman, some ten years older than myself, and who was as remarkable for her intellectual pretensions as she was for her beauty and her benevolence, had maintained a correspondence with me upon questions of literature. She thought too highly of my powers and attainments, and everywhere spoke of me with an enthusiasm that, if I had ^ “The senselessness of joy was then sublime.” — Wordsworth at Calais in 1802 (see his sonnets) looking back through thirteen years to the great era of social resurrection, in 1788-89, from a sleep of ten centuries, AN ENGLISH OPIUM-UATUR, 6i been five or six years older, and had possessed any personal advantages, might have raised smiles at her expense. To her I now wrote, requesting the loan of five guineas. A whole week passed without any answer. This perplexed and made me uneasy; for her ladyship was rich by a vast fortune removed entirely from her husband’s control; and, as I felt assured, would have cheerfully sent me twenty times the sum asked, unless her sagacity had suggested some suspicion (which seemed impossible) of the real purposes which I contemplated in the employment of the five IG guineas. Could I incautiously have said anything in my own letter tending that way ? Certainly not; then why-. But at that moment my speculations were cut short by a letter bearing a coroneted seal. It was from Lady Carbery, of course, and enclosed ten guineas instead of five. Slow in those days were the mails; besides which. Lady Carbery happened to be down at the seaside, Avhither my letter had been sent after her. Now, then, including my own pocket-money, I possessed a dozen guineas; which seemed sufficient for my immediate purpose ; and all 20 ulterior emergencies, as the reader understands, I trampled under foot. This sum, however, spent at inns on the most economic footing, could not have held out for much above a calendar month ; and, as to the plan of selecting secondary inns, these are not always cheaper; but the main objection is that in the solitary stations amongst the mountains (Cambrian no less than Cumbrian) there is often no choice to be found : the high-priced inn is the only one. Even this dozen of guineas it became necessary to diminish by three. The age of “ vails ” and perquisites to three or four 30 servants at any gentleman’s house where you dined—this age, it is true, had passed away by thirty years perhaps. But that flagrant abuse had no connexion at all with the English custom of distributing money amongst that part of the domestics whose daily labours may have been increased by a visitor’s residence in the family for some considerable space of time. This custom (almost peculiar, I believe, to the English gentry) is honourable and just. I personally 62 CONFESSIONS OF had been trained by niy mother, who detested sordid habits, to look upon it as ignominious in a gentleman to leave a household without acknowledging the obliging services of those who cannot openly remind him of their claims. On this occasion, mere necessity compelled me to overlook the housekeeper : for to her I could not have offered less than two or three guineas j and, as she was a fixture, I reflected that I might send it at some future period. To three inferior servants I found that I ought not to give less than one ■lO guinea each : so much, therefore, I left in the hands of Gr-, the most honourable and upright of boys; since to have given it myself would have been prematurely to publish my purpose. These three guineas deducted, I still had nine, or thereabouts. And now all things were settled, except one: the lohen was settled, and the how; but not the lohither. That was still suh judice. My plan originally had been to travel northwards—viz., to the region of the English Lakes. That little mountainous district, lying stretched like a pavilion between four well- 20 known points,—viz., the small towns of Ulverstone and Penrith as its two poles, south and north ; between Kendal, again, on the east, and Egremont on the west,—measuring on the one diameter about forty miles, and on the other perhaps thirty-five,—had for me a secret fascination, subtle, sweet, fantastic, and even from my seventh or eighth year spiritually strong. The' southern section of that district, about eighteen or twenty miles long, which bears the name of Furness, figures in the eccentric geogTaphy of English laAv as a section of Lancashire, though separated from that 30 county by the estuary of Morecambe Bay : and therefore, as Lancashire happened to be my own native county, I had from childhood, on the strength of this mere legal fiction, cherished as a mystic privilege, slender as a filament of air, some fraction of denizenship in the fairy little domain of the English Lakes. The major part of these lakes lies in West¬ moreland and Cumberland : but the sweet reposing little water of Esthwaite, with its few emerald fields, and the grander one of Collision, with the sublime cluster of AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA PER. 63 mountain groups, and the little network of quiet dells lurk¬ ing about its head ^ all the way hack to Grasmere, lie in or near the upper chamber of Furness; and all these, together with the ruins of the once glorious abbey, had been brought out not many years before into sunny splendour by the great enchantress of that generation—Anne Eadcliffe. But more even than Anne Eadcliffe had the landscape painters, so many and so various, contributed to the glorification of the English lake district; drawing out and impressing upon the heart the sanctity of repose in its shy recesses —its alpine 10 grandeurs in such passes as those of Wastdale-head, Lang- dale-head, Borrowdale, Kirkstone, Hawsdale, &c., together with the monastic peace which seems to brood over its peculiar form of pastoral life, so much nobler (as Words¬ worth notices) in its stern simplicity and continual conflict with danger hidden in the vast draperies of mist over¬ shadowing the hills, and amongst the armies of snow and hail arrayed by fierce northern winters, than the effeminate shepherd’s life in the classical Arcadia, or in the flowery pastures of Sicily, 20 Amongst these attractions that drew me so strongly to the Lakes, there had also by that time arisen in this lovely region ^ “ Its head” :—That end of a lake which receives the rivulets and brooks feeding its waters is locally called its head ; and, in continua¬ tion of the same constructive image, the counter terminus, which discharges its surplus water, is called its foot. By the way,_ as a suggestion from this obvious distinction, I may remark that in all cases the very existence of a head and a foot to any sheet of water defeats the malice of Lord Byron’s sneer against the lake poets, in calling them by the contemptuous designation of ‘^pond poets”; a variation which some part of the public readily caught up as a natural reverberation of that spitefulness, so petty and apparently so ground¬ less, which notoriously Lord Byron cherished against Wordsworth steadily, and more fitfully against Southey. The effect of transforming a living image—an image of restless motion—into an image of foul stagnation was tangibly apprehensible. But what was it that contra¬ distinguished the vivilacus” of Virgil from rotting ponds mantled with verdant slime ? To have, or not to have, a head and a foot (i.e., a principle of perpetual change) is at the very heart of this distinction ; and to substitute for lake a term which ignores and negatives the very differential principle that constitutes a lake—viz., its current and its eternal mobility—is to offer an insult in which the insulted party has no interest or concern, 64 CONFESSIONS OF the deep deep magnet (as to me only in all this world it then was) of William Wordsworth. Inevitably this close con¬ nexion of the poetry which most of all had moved me with the particular region and scenery that most of all had fastened upon my affections, and led captive my imagination, was calculated, under ordinary circumstances, to impress upon my fluctuating deliberations a summary and decisive bias. But the very depth of the impressions which had been made upon me, either as regarded the poetry or the scenery, was 10 too solemn and (unaffectedly I may say it) too spiritual, to clothe itself in any hasty or chance movement as at all adequately expressing its strength, or reflecting its hallowed character. If you, reader, were a devout Mahometan, throw¬ ing gazes of mystical awe daily towards Mecca, or were a Christian devotee looking with the same rapt adoration to St. Peter’s at Rome, or to El Kodah, the Holy City of Jerusalem (so called even amongst the Arabs, who hate both Christian and Jew),—how painfully would it jar upon your sensibilities if some friend, sweeping past you upon a 20 high road, with a train (according to the circumstances) of dromedaries or of wheel carriages, should suddenly pull up, and say, “ Come, old fellow, jump up alongside of me; I’m off for the Red Sea, and here’s a spare dromedary,” or “ Off for Rome, and here’s a well-cushioned barouche.” Season¬ able and convenient it might happen that the invitation were; but still it would shock you that a journey which, with or without your consent, could not hut assume the character eventually of a saintly pilgrimage, should arise and take its initial movement upon a casual summons, or upon a 30 vulgar opening of momentary convenience. In the present case, under no circumstances should I have dreamed of pre¬ senting myself to Wordsworth. The principle of “ venera¬ tion ” (to speak phrenologically) was by many degrees too strong in me for any such overture on my part. Hardly could I have found the courage to meet and to answer such an overture coming from Mm. I could not even tolerate the prospect (as a bare possibility) of Wordsworth’s hearing my name first of all associated with some case of pecuniary ENGLISH OPIUM-EATER. 65 embarrassment. And, apart from all that, it vulgarised the whole “interest” (no other term can I find to express the case collectively)—the whole “ interest ” of poetry and the enchanted land—equally it vulgarised person and thing, the vineyard and the vintage, the gardens and the ladies, of the Hesperides, together with all their golden fruitage, if I should rush upon them in a hurried and thoughtless state of excitement. I remembered the fine caution on this subject involved in a tradition preserved by Pausanias. Those (he tells us) who visited by night the great field of Marathon 10 (Avhere at certain times phantom cavalry careered, flying and pursuing) in a temper of vulgar sight-seeing, and under no higher impulse than the degrading one of curiosity, were met and punished severely in the dark, by the same sort of people, I presume, as those who handled Falstaff so roughly in the venerable shades of Windsor : whilst loyal visitors, who came bringing a true and filial sympathy with the grand deeds of their Athenian ancestors, who came as children of the same hearth, met with the most gracious acceptance, and fulfilled all the purposes of a pilgrimage or sacred mission. 20 Under my present circumstances, I saAV that the very motives of love and honour, Avhich would have inclined the scale so powerfully in favour of the northern lakes, were exactly those which drew most heavily in the other direction—the circumstances being what they were as to hurry and per¬ plexity. And just at that moment suddenly unveiled itself another powerful motive against taking the northern direction —viz., consideration for my mother—which made my heart recoil from giving her too great a shock; and in what other way could it be mitigated than by my personal presence in 30 a case of emergency? Por such a purpose North Wales would be the best haven to make for, since the road thither from my present home lay through Chester,—where at that time my mother had fixed her residence. If I had hesitated (and hesitate I did very sincerely) about such a mode of expressing the consideration due to my mother, it was not from any Avant of decision in my feeling, but really because I feared to be taunted with this act of E 66 CONFESSIONS OF tenderness, as arguing an exaggerated estimate of my OAvn importance in my mother’s eyes. To he capable of causing any alarming shock, must I not suppose myself an object of special interest? No: I did not agree to that inference. But no matter. Better to stand ten thousand sneers than one abiding pang, such as time could not abolish, of bitter self-reproach. So I resolved to face this taunt without flinching, and to steer a course for St. John’s Priory,—my mother’s residence near Chester. At the very instant of 10 coming to this resolution, a singular accident occurred to confirm it. On the very day before my rash journey com¬ menced, I received through the post-office a letter bearing this address in a foreign handwriting— A Monsieur Monsieur de Quincy, Chester. This iteration of the Monsieur, as a courteous French fashion^ for effecting something equivalent to our own Esquire, was to me at that time an unintelligible novelty. The best way to explain it was to read the letter ; which, to the extent of mon possible, I did, but vainly attempted to decipher. So much, however, I spelled out 20 as satisfied me that the letter could not have been meant for myself. The post-mark was, I think, Hamburgh: but the date within was from some place in Normandy; and event¬ ually it came out that the person addressed was a poor emigrant, some relative of Quatrem^re de Quincy,^ who had ^ “As a courteous French fashion”-. —And not at all a modern, fashion. That famous Countess of Derby (Charlotte de Tremouille) who presided in the defence of Lathom House (which, and not Knows- ley, was then the capital domicile of tlie Stanleys), when addressing Prince Eupert, sometimes superscribes her envelope A Monseigneur le Prince Rupert', but sometimes A Monsieur Monsieur le Prince Rupert. This was in 1644, the year of Marston Moor, and the penultimate year of the Parliamentary War. ^ “ De Quincy” : —The family of De Quincey, or Quincy, or Quincie (spelt of course, like all proper names, under the anarchy prevailing as to orthography until the last one hundred and fifty years, in every possible form open to human caprice), was originally Norwegian. Early in the eleventh century this family emigrated from Norway to the South ; and since then it has thrown off three separate swarms— French, English, and Anglo-American—each of wliich writes the name with its own slight variations. A brief outline of their migrations will be found in the Appendix. AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 67 come to Chester, probably as a teacher of French, and now in 1802 found his return to France made easy by the brief and hollow peace of Amiens. Such an obscure person was naturally unknown to any English post-office ; and the letter had been forwarded to myself, as the oldest male member of a family at that time necessarily well known in Chester. I was astonished to find myself translated by a touch of the pen not only into a Monsieur, but even into a self-multi¬ plied Monsieur; or, speaking algebraically, into the square of Monsieur; having a chance at some future day of being 10 perhaps cubed into Monsieur. From the letter, as I had hastily torn it open, out dropped a draft upon Smith, Payne, & Smith for somewhere about forty guineas. At this stage of the revelations opening upon me, it might be fancied that the interest of the case thickened : since un¬ doubtedly, if this windfall could be seriously meant for myself, and no mistalce, never descended upon the head of man, in the outset of a perilous adventure, aid more season¬ able, nay, more melodramatically critical. But alas! my eye is quick to value the logic of evil chances. Prophet of 20 evil I ever am to myself: forced for ever into sorrowful auguries that 1 have no power to hide from my own heart, no, not through one night’s solitary dreams. In a moment I saw too plainly that I was not Monsieur. I might be Monsieur, but not Monsieur to the second power. Who indeed could be niy debtor to the amount of forty guineas ? If there really teas such a person, why had he been so many years in liquidating his debt 1 How shameful to suffer me to enter upon my seventeenth year before he made known his debt, or even his amiable existence. Doubtless, in strict 30 morals, this dreadful procrastination could not be justified. Still, as the man was apparently testifying his penitence, and in the most practical form (viz., payment), I felt perfectly willing to grant him absolution for past sins, and a general release from all arrears, if any should remain, through all coming generations. But alas ! the mere seasonableness of the remittance floored my hopes. A five-guinea debtor might have been a conceivable being : such a debtor might 68 CONFESSIONS OF exist in the flesh : Mm I could believe in; but further my faith would not go ; and, if the money were, after all, hond fide meant for myself, clearly it must come from the Fiend : in which case it became an open question whether I ought to take it. At this stage the case had become a Sphinx’s riddle ; and the solution, if any, must be sought in the letter. But, as to the letter, 0 heaven and earth! if the Sphinx of old conducted her intercourse with Oedipus by way of letter, and propounded her wicked questions through the post- 10 offlce of Thebes, it strikes me that she needed only to have used French penmanship in order to baffle that fatal decipherer of riddles for ever and ever. At Bath, where the French emigrants mustered in great strength (six thousand, I have heard) during the three closing years of the last century, I, through my mother’s acquaintance with several leading families amongst them, had gained a large experience of French caligraphy. From this experience I had learned that the French aristocracy still persisted {did persist at that period, 1797—1800) in a traditional contempt 20 for all accomplishments of that class as clerkly and plebeian, fitted only (as Shakspere says, when recording similar pre¬ judices amongst his own countrymen) to do yeoman’s service.” One and all, they delegated the care of their spelling to valets and femmes-de-chamhre; sometimes even those persons who scoured their blankets and counterpanes scoured their spelling—that is to say, their week-day spell¬ ing ; but, as to their Sunday spelling, that superfine spelling which they reserved for their efforts in literature, this was consigned to the care of compositors. Letters written by the 30 royal family of France in 1792-93 still survive, in the memoirs of C14ry and others amongst their most faithful servants, which display the utmost excess of ignorance as to grammar and orthography. Then, as to the penmanship, all seemed to write the same hand, and with the same piece of most ancient wood, or venerable skewer ; all alike scratching out stiff perpendicular letters, as if executed (I should say) with a pair of snuffers. I do not speak thus in any spirit of derision. Such accomplishments were wilfully neglected, AJV ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TEE. 69 and even ambitiously, as if in open proclamation of scorn for the arts by ■which humbler people oftentimes got their bread. And a man of rank -would no more conceive himself dishonoured by any deficiencies in the snobbish accomplish¬ ments of penmanship, grammar, or correct orthography, than a gentleman amongst ourselves by inexpertness in the mystery of cleaning shoes, or of polishing furniture. The result, ho-wever, from this systematic and ostentatious neglect of caligraphy is oftentimes most perplexing to all -who are called upon to decipher their MSS. It happens, indeed, 10 that the product of this carelessness thus far differs : al-ways it is coarse and inelegant, but sometimes (say in 1-2 0 th of the cases) it becomes specially legible. Far other-wise -was the case before me. Being greatly hurried on this my fare¬ well day, I could not make out two consecutive sentences. Unfortunately, one-half of a sentence sufficed to show that the enclosure belonged to some needy Frenchman living in a country not his own, and struggling probably with the ordinary evils of such a condition—friendlessness and exile. Before the letter came into my hands, it had already suffered 20 seme days’ delay. When I noticed this, I found my sympathy with the poor stranger naturally quickened. Already, and unavoidably, he had been suffering from the vexation of a letter delayed ; but henceforth, and continually more so, he must be suffering from the anxieties of a letter gone astray. Tliroughout this farewell day I was unable to carve out any opportunity for going up to the Manchester Post-office ; and, without a distinct explanation in my own person, exonerating myself, on the written acknowledgment of the post-office, from all farther responsibility, I was most 30 reluctant to give up the letter. It is true that the necessity of committing a forgery (which crime in those days was punished inexorably with death) before the money could have been fraudulently appropriated would, if made Itnoion to the public, have acquitted any casual holder of the letter from all suspicion of dishonest intentions. But the danger was that, during the suspense and progress of the case whilst awaiting its final settlement, ugly rumours should arise and 70 CONFESSIONS OF cling to one’s name amongst the many that would hear only a fragmentary version of the whole affair. At length all was ready. Midsummer, like an army with banners, was moving through the heavens; already the longest day had passed; those arrangements, few and imper¬ fect, through which I attempted some partial evasion of disagreeable contingencies likely to arise, had been finished: what more remained for me to do of things that I was able to do 1 None ; and yet, though now at last free to move off, 10 I lingered; lingered as under some sense of dim perplexity, or even of relenting love for the very captivity itself which I was making so violent an effort to abjure, but more intel¬ ligibly for all the external objects, living or inanimate, by which that captivity had been surrounded and gladdened. What I was hastening to desert, nevertheless I grieved to desert; and,) but for the foreign letter, I might have long continued to loiter and procrastinate. That, however, through various and urgent motives which it suggested, quickened my movements; and the same hour which 20 brought this letter into my hands witnessed my resolution (uttered audibly to myself in my study) that early on the next day I would take my departure. A day, therefore, had at length arrived, had somewhat suddenly arrived, which would be the last, the very last, on which I should make my appearance in the school. It is a just and a feeling remark of Dr. Johnson’s that we never do anything consciously for the last time (of things, that is to say, which we have been long in the habit of doing) without sadness of heart. The secret sense of a fare- 30 well or testamentary act I carried along with me into every word or deed of this memorable day. Agent or patient, singly or one of a crowd, I heard for ever some sullen echo of valediction in every change, casual or periodic, that varied the revolving hours from morning to night. Most of all I felt this valedictory sound as a pathetic appeal when the closing hour of five p.m. brought with it the solemn evening service of the English Church—read by Mr. Lawson; read now, as always, under a reverential stillness of the entire AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 71 school. Already in itself, without the solemnity of prayers, the decaying light of the dying day suggests a mood of pensive and sympathetic sadness. And, if the changes in the light are less impressively made known so early as five o’clock in the depth of summer-tide, not the less we are sensible of being as near to the hours of repose, and to the secret dangers of the night, as if the season were mid-winter. Even thus far there was something that oftentimes had pro¬ foundly impressed me in this evening liturgy, and its special prayer against the perils of darkness. But greatly was that 10 effect deepened by the symbolic treatment which this liturgy gives to this darkness and to these perils. E^aturally, when contemplating that treatment, I had been led vividly to feel the memorable rhahdomancy ^ or magical power of evocation ^ Rhabdomancy”: —The Greek word manteia (yaurela), repre¬ sented by the English form mancy, constitutes the stationary element in a large family of compounds : it means divination, or the art of magically deducing some weighty inference (generally prophetic) from any one of the many dark sources sanctioned by Pagan superstition. And universally the particular source relied on is expressed in the prior half of the compound. For instance, oneiros is the Greek word for a di’eam; and therefore oneiromancy indicates that mode of pro¬ phecy which is founded upon the interpretation of dreams. Ornis, again (in the genitive case ovnithos), is the common Greek word for a bird; accordingly, ornithomancy means prophecy founded on the par¬ ticular mode of flight noticed amongst any casual gathering of birds. Gheir (x^^p) is Greek for the hand; whence cheiromancy expresses the art of predicting a man’s fortune by the lines in his hand, or (under its Latin form from palma) palmistry; Nekros, a dead man, and conse¬ quently necromancy, prophecy founded on the answer extorted eitlaer from phantoms, as by the Witch of Endor, or from the corpse itself, as by Lucan’s witch Erictho. I have allowed myself to wander into this ample illustration of the case, having for many years been taxed by ingenuous readers (confessing their own classical ignorance) with too scanty explanations of my meaning. I go on to say that the Greek word rhahdos (pd^Bos), a rod—not that sort of rod which the Roman lictors carried, viz., a bundle of twigs, but a wand about as thick as a common cedar pencil, or, at most, as the ordinary brass rod of stair-carpets—this, when made from a willow-tree, furnished of old, and furnishes to this day in a southern county of England, a potent instru¬ ment of divination. But let it be understood that divination expresses an idea ampler by much than the word prophecy: whilst even this woxdiprophecy, already more limited than divination, is most injuriously narrowed in our received translation of the Bible. To unveil or de¬ cipher what is hidden — that is, in effect, the meaning of divination. 72 CONFESSIONS OF \ which Christianity has put forth here and in parallel cases. The ordinary physical rhahdomantist, who undertakes to evoke from the dark chambers of our earth wells of water lying far below its surface, and more rarely to evoke minerals, or hidden deposits of jewels and gold, by some magnetic sympathy between his rod and the occult object of his divination, is able to indicate the spot at which this object can be hopefully sought for, Not otherwise has the marvellous magnetism of Christianity called up from dark- 10 ness sentiments the most august, previously inconceivable, formless, and without life; for previously there had been no religious philosophy equal to the task of ripening such sentiments; but also, at the same time, by incarnating these And, accordingly, in the writings of St. Paul the phrase gifts of pro¬ phecy never once indicates what the English reader supposes, hut exegetic gifts, gifts of interpretation applied to what is dark, of analysis applied to what is logically perplexed, of expansion applied to what is condensed, of practical improvement applied to what might else be overlooked as purely speculative. In Somersetshire, which is a county the most ill-watered of all in England, upon building a house, there arises uniformly a difficulty in selecting a proper spot for sinking a well. The remedy is to call in a set of local rhabdomantists. These men traverse the adjacent ground, holding the willow rod horizontally : wherever that dips, or inclines itself spontaneously to the ground, there will be found water. I have myself not only seen the process tried with success, but have witnessed the enormous trouble, delay, and ex¬ pense accruing to those of the opposite faction who refused to benefit by this art. To pursue the tentative plan (i.e., the plan of trying for water by boring at haphazard) ended, so far as I was aware, in multi¬ plied vexation. In reality, these poor men are, after all, more philoso¬ phic than those who scornfully reject their services. For the artists obey unconsciously the logic of Lord Bacon: they build upon a long chain of induction, upon the uniform results of their life-long experience. But the counter faction do not deny this experience: all they have to allege is that, agreeably to any laws known to themselves a priori, there ought not to he any such experience. Now, a sufficient course of facts overthrows all antecedent plausibilities. Whatever science or scepticism may say, most of the tea-kettles in the vale of Wrington are filled by rhahdomancy. And, after all, the supposed a priori scruples against this rhahdomancy are only such scruples as would, antecedently to a trial, have pronounced the mariner’s compass im¬ possible. There is in both cases alike a’blind sympathy of some unknown foree, which no man can explain, with a passive index that practically guides you aright—even if Mephistopheles should be at the bottom of the affair. AJV ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. n sentiments in images of corresponding grandeur, it has so exalted their character as to lodge them eternally in human hearts. Flowers, for example, that are so pathetic in their beauty, frail as the clouds, and in their colouring as gorgeous as the heavens, had through thousands of years been the heritage of children—honoured as the jeAvellery of God only by them —when suddenly the voice of Christianity, counter¬ signing the voice of infancy, raised them to a grandeur transcending the Hebrew throne, although founded by God 10 himself, and pronounced Solomon in all his glory not to be arrayed like one of these. Winds again, hurricanes, the eternal breathings, soft or loud, of Hlolian power, wherefore had they, raving or sleeping, escaped all moral arrest and detention? Simply because vain it were to offer a nest for the reception of some new moral birth whilst no religion is yet moving amongst men that can furnish such a birth. Vain is the image that should illustrate a heavenly sentiment, if the sentiment is yet unborn. Then, first, when it had become necessary to the purposes of a spiritual religion that 20 the spirit of man, as the fountain of all religion, should in some commensurate reflex image have its grandeur and its mysteriousness emblazoned, suddenly the pomp and mysteri¬ ous path of winds and tempests, blowing whither they list, and from what fountains no man knows, are cited from darkness and neglect, to give and to receive reciprocally an impassioned glorification, where the lower mystery en¬ shrines and illustrates the higher. Call for the grandest of all earthly spectacles, what is that ? It is the sun going to his rest. Call for the grandest of all human sentiments, 30 what is that ? It is that man should forget his anger before he lies down to sleep. And these two grandeurs, the mighty sentiment and the mighty spectacle, are by Christi¬ anity married together. Here again, in this prayer “ Lighten our darkness, we beseech thee, 0 Lord ! ” were the darkness and the great shadows of night made symbolically significant: these great powers, Night and Darkness, that belong to aboriginal Chaos, 74 CONFMSSIONS OF were made representative of the perils that continually menace poor afflicted human nature. With deepest sympathy I accompanied the prayer against the perils of darkness— perils that I seemed to see, in the ambush of midnight solitude, brooding around the beds of sleeping nations; perils from even worse forms of darkness shrouded within the recesses of blind human hearts; perils from temptations weaving unseen snares for our footing; perils from the limitations of our own misleading knowledge. Prayers had finished. The school had dissolved itself. Six o’clock came, seven, eight. By three hours nearer stood the dying day to its departure. By three hours nearer, therefore, stood we to that darkness which our English liturgy calls into such symbolic grandeur, as hiding beneath its shadowy mantle all perils that besiege our human infirmity. But in summer, in the immediate suburbs of midsummer, the vast scale of the heavenly movements is read in their slowness. Time becomes the expounder of Space. And now, though eight o’clock had struck, the sun was still lingering above the horizon : the light, broad and gaudy, having still two hours of travel to face before it would assume that tender fading hue prelusive to the twilight.^ Now came the last official ceremony of the day: the students were all mustered; and the names of all were challenged according to the order of precedency. My name, as usual, came first.^ Stepping forward, I passed Mr. Lawson, and ^ “ To the twilight" :— i.e., to the second twilight: for I rememher to have read in some German work upon Hebrew antiquities, and also in a great English divine of 1630 (namely, Isaac Ambrose), that the Jews in elder times made two twilights, first and second: the first they called the dove’s twilight, or crepusculum of the day ; the second they called the raven’s twilight, or crepusculum of the night. ® •' First” :—Within the school I should not have been first: for in the trinity which composed the head class there was no absolute or meritorious precedency, but simply a precedency of chance. Our dignity, as leaders of the school, raised us above all petty competitions; yet, as it was unavoidable to stand in some order, this was regulated by seniority. I, therefore, as junior amongst the three, was tertius inter pares. But my two seniors happened to be day-scholars: so that, in Mr Lawson’s house, I rose into the supreme place. There, I was princeps senatils. Such trivial circumstantialities I notice, as checks AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EATER, 75 bowed to him, looking earnestly in his face, and saying to myself, “ He is old and infirm, and in this world I shall not see him again.” I was right; I never did see him again, nor ever shall. He looked at me complacently; smiled placidly; returned my salutation (not knowing it to be my valediction); and we parted for ever. Intellectually, I might not have seen cause to reverence him in any emphatic sense. But very sincerely I respected him as a conscientious man, faithful to his duties, and as, even in his latter ineffectual struggle with these duties, inflicting more suffering upon himself than 10 upon others; finally, I respected him as a sound and accurate (though not brilliant) scholar. Personally I owed him much gratitude; for he had been uniformly kind to me, and had allowed me such indulgences as lay in his power; and I grieved at the thought of the mortification I should inflict upon him. The morning came which was to launch me into the world ; that morning from which, and from its consequences, my whole succeeding life has, in many important points, taken its colouring. At half after three I rose, and gazed 20 with deep emotion at the ancient collegiate church, “ dressed in earliest light,” and beginning to crimson with the deep lustre of a cloudless July morning. I was firm and im¬ moveable in my purpose, but yet agitated by anticipation of upon all openings to inaccuracy, great or small. It would vitiate the interest which any reader might othermse take in this narrative, if for one moment it were supposed that any feature of the case were var¬ nished or distorted. From the very first, I had been faithful to the most rigorous law of accuracy—even in absolute trifles. But I became even more jealous over myself, after an Irish critic, specially brilliant as a wit and as a scholar, but also specially malicious, had attempted to impeach the accuracy of my narrative, in its London section, upon alleged internal grounds. I wish it could have been said with truth, that we of the leading form were, not a triad, but a duad. The facts, however, of the case will not allow me to say this. Facts, as people generally remark, are stubborn things. Yes, and too often very spiteful things ; as in this case, where, if it were not for them, 1 might describe myself as having one sole assessor in the class, and in that case he and I might have been likened to Castor and Pollux, who went up and down like alternate buckets—one rising with the dawn (or Phosphorus), and the other (viz., myself) rising with Hesperus, and reigning all night long. 76 CONFESSIONS OF uncertain danger and troubles. To this agitation the deep peace of the morning presented an affecting contrast, and in some degree a medicine. The silence was more profound than that of midnight: and to me the silence of a summer morning is more touching than all other silence, because, the light being broad and strong as that of noonday at other seasons of the year, it seems to differ from perfect day chiefly because man is not yet abroad, and thus the peace of nature, and of the innocent creatures of God, seems to be 10 secure and deep only so long as the presence of man, and his unquiet spirit, are not there to trouble its sanctity. I dressed myself, took my hat and gloves, and lingered a little in the room. For nearly a year and a-half this room had been my “ pensive citadel ” ; here I had read and studied through all the hours of night; and, though true it was that, for the latter part of this time, I had lost my gaiety and peace of mind during the strife and fever of contention with my guardian, yet, on the other hand, as a boy passionately fond of books, and dedicated to intellectual pursuits, I could not 20 fail to have enjoyed many happy hours in the midst of general dejection. Happy hours ? Yes ; and was it certain that ever again I should enjoy hours as happy ? At this point it is not im¬ possible that, left to my own final impressions, I might have receded from my plan. But it seemed to me, as too often happens in such cases, that no retreat was now open. The confidence which unavoidably I had reposed in a groom of Mr. Lawson’s made it dangerous. The effect of this distracted view was, not to alter my plan, but to throw despondency for 30 one sad half-hour over the whole prospect before me. In that condition, with my eyes open, I dreamed. Suddenly a sort of trance, a frost as of some death-like revelation, wrapped round me; and I found renewed within me a hateful remembrance derived from a moment that I had long left behind. Two years before, when I wanted about as much of my fifteenth birth-day as noAV of my seventeenth, I happened to be in London for part of a single day, with a friend of my own age. Naturally, amongst some eight or ten great AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EATER. 77 spectacles which challenged our earnest attention, St. Paul’s Cathedral had been one. This we had visited, and conse¬ quently the Whispering Gallery.’- More than by all beside I had been impressed by this ; and some half-hour later, as we were standing beneath the dome, and I should imagine pretty nearly on the very spot where rather more than five years subsequently Lord Nelson was buried,—a spot from which we saw, pompously floating to and fro in the upper spaces of a great aisle running westwards from ourselves, many flags captured from Prance, Spain, and Holland,— I, lo having my previous impressions of awe deepened by these solemn trophies of chance and change amongst mighty nations, had suddenly been surprised by a dream as profound as at present, in which a thought that often had persecuted me figured triumphantly. \This thought turned upon the fatality that must often attend an evil choice.| As an oracle of fear I remembered that great Eoman warning, Nescit vox missa reverti (that a word once uttered is irrevocable), a freezing arrest upon the motions of hope too sanguine that haunted me in many shapes. Long before that fifteenth year 20 of mine, I had noticed, as a worm lying at the heart of life and fretting its security, the fact that innumerable acts of choice change countenance and are variously appraised at varying stages of life—shift with the shifting hours. Al¬ ready, at fifteen, I had become deeply ashamed of judgments which I had once pronounced, of idle hopes that I had once encouraged, false admirations or contempts with which once I had sympathised. And, as to acts which I surveyed with any doubts at all, I never felt sure that after some succession of years I might not feel withering doubts about them, both 30 as to iwinci^Dle and as to inevitable results. This sentiment of nervous recoil from any word or deed that could not be recalled had been suddenly re-awakened ^ To those who have never visited the Whispering Gallery, nor have read any account of it amongst other acoustic phenomena described in scientific treatises, it may be proper to mention, as the distinguishing feature of the case, that a word or a question, uttered at one end of the gallery in the gentlest of whispers, is reverberated at the other end in peals of thunder. 78 CONFESSIONS OF on that London morning by the impressive experience of the '\^^lispering Gallery. At the earlier end of the gallery had stood my friend, breathing in the softest of whispers a solemn but not acceptable truth. At the further end, after running along the walls of the gallery, that solemn truth reached me as a deafening menace in tempestuous uproars. And now, in these last lingering moments, when I dreamed ominously with open eyes in my Manchester study, once again that London menace broke angrily upon me as out of 10 a thick cloud with redoubled strength; a voice, too late for warning, seemed audibly to say, “ Once leave this house, and a Kubicon is placed between thee and all possibility of return. Thou wilt not say that what thou doest is altogether approved in thy secret heart. Even now thy conscience speaks against it in sullen whispers; but at the other end of thy long life-gallery that same conscience will speak to thee in volleying thunders.” A sudden step upon the stairs broke up my dream, and recalled me to myself. Dangerous hours were now drawing 20 near, and I prepared for a hasty farewell. I shed tears as I looked round on the chair, hearth, writing-table, and other familiar objects, knowing too cer¬ tainly that I looked upon them for the last time. Whilst I write this, it is nineteen ^ years ago; and yet, at this moment, I see, as if it were but yesterday, the lineaments and expressions of the object on which I fixed my parting gaze. It was the picture of a lovely lady, which hung over the mantelpiece; the eyes and mouth of which were so beautiful, and the whole countenance so radiant with divine 30 tranquillity, that I had a thousand times laid down my pen, or my book, to gather consolation from it, as a devotee from his patron saint. ^ Whilst I was yet gazing upon it, the deep tones of the old church clock proclaimed that it ^ Written in the August of 1821. ^ The housekeeper was in the habit of telling me that the lady had lived (meaning, perhaps, had been horn) two centuries ago ; that date would better agree with the tradition that the portrait was a copy from Vandyke. All that she knew further about the lady was that either to the grammar school, or to that particular college at Oxford with AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EATER. 79 was six o’clock. I went up to the picture, kissed it, then gently walked out, and closed the door for ever. So blended and intertwisted in this life are occasions of laughter and of tears that I cannot yet recall without smiling an incident which occurred at that time, and which had nearly put a stop to the immediate execution of my plan. I had a trunk of immense weight; for, besides my clothes, it contained nearly all my library. The difficulty was to get this removed to a carrier’s, my room being at an 10 aerial elevation in the house ) and (what was worse) the staircase which communicated with this angle of the building was accessible only by a gallery, which passed the head¬ master’s chamber-door. I was a favourite with all the servants; and, knowing that any of them would screen me and act confidentially, I communicated my embarrassment to a groom of the head-master’s. The groom declared his readiness to do anything I wished; and, when the time arrived, went up-stairs to bring the trunk down. This I feared was beyond the strength of any one man: however, 20 the groom was a man of Atlantean shoulders,” and had a back as spacious as Salisbury Plain. Accordingly he per¬ sisted in bringing down the trunk alone, whilst I stood waiting at the foot of the last flight, in great anxiety for the event. For some time I heard him descending with steps slow and steady; but, unfortunately, from his trepida¬ tion, as he drew near the dangerous quarter, within a few steps of the gallery, his foot slipped; and the mighty burden, falling from his shoulders, gained such increase of impetus at each step of the descent, that, on reaching the 30 which the school was connected, or else to that particular college at Oxford with which Mr. Lawson personally was connected, or else, fourthly, to Mr. Lawson himself as a private individual, the unknown lady had been a special benefactress. She was also a special bene¬ factress to me, through eighteen months, by means of her sweet Madonna countenance. And in some degree it serves to spiritualise and to hallow this service that of her who unconsciously rendered it I know neither the name, nor the exact rank or age, nor the place where she lived and died. She was parted from me by perhaps two cen¬ turies ; I from her by the gulf of eternity. 8o CONFESSIONS OF bottom, it triTiidled, or rather leaped, right across, with the noise of twenty devils, against the very bedroom door of the Archididascalus. My first thought suggested that all was lost, and that my sole chance for effecting a retreat was to sacrifice my baggage. However, on reflection, I determined to abide the issue. The groom, meantime, was in the utmost alarm, both on his own account and mine: but, in spite of this, so irresistibly had the sense of the ludicrous, in this unhappy contretemps, taken possession of his fancy that he sang out 10 a long, loud, and canorous peal of laughter, that might have wakened the “Seven Sleepers.” At the sound of this resonant merriment, within the very ears of insulted author¬ ity, I could not forbear joining in it; subdued to this, not so much by the comic wilfulness of the trunk, trundling down from step to step with accelerated pace and multiply¬ ing uproar, like the Xaa 9 amtdry? ^ (the contumacious stone) of Sisyphus, as by the effect it had upon the groom. We both expected, as a matter of course, that Mr. Lawson would sally out of his room; for, in general, if but a mouse 20 stirred, he sprang out like a mastiff from his kennel. Strange to say, however, on this occasion, when the noise of laughter had subsided, no sound, or rustling even, was to be heard in the bedroom. Mr. Lawson had a painful com¬ plaint, which, oftentimes keeping him awake, made his sleep, when it did come, peculiarly deep. Gathering courage from the silence, the groom hoisted his burden again, and accomplished the remainder of his descent without acci¬ dent. I waited until I saw the trunk placed on a wheel¬ barrow, and on its road to the carrier’s: then, “with 30 Providence my guide,” or, more truly it might be said, with my own headstrong folly for law and impulse, I set off on foot ] carrying a small parcel with some articles of dress under my arm, a favourite English poet in one pocket, and an odd volume, containing about one-half of Canter’s “ Euripides,” in the other. On leaving Manchester, by a south-western route, to- ^ “ AStis iireira weStiySe KvXlySfTo Aaas ayaiST/s,” — Horn. Odyss, AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 8i wards Chester and Wales, the first town that I reached (to the best of my remembrance) was Altrincham—colloquially called Aiotrigem. When a child of three years old, and suffering from the hooping-cough, I had been carried for change of air to different places on the Lancashire coast j and, in order to benefit by as large a compass as possible of varying atmospheres, I and my nurse had been made to rest for the first night of our tour at this cheerful little town of Altrincham. On the next morning, which ushered in a most dazzling day of July, I rose earlier than my nurse fully 10 approved : but in no long time she found it advisable to follow my example j and, after putting me through my morning’s drill of ablutions and the Lord’s-prayer, no sooner had she fully arranged my petticoats than she lifted me up in her arms, threw open the window, and let me suddenly look down upon the gayest scene I had ever beheld—viz,, the little market-place of Altrincham at eight o’clock in the morning. It happened to be the market-day ; and I, who till then had never consciously been in any town whatever, was equally astonished and delighted with the novel gaiety 20 of the scene. Fruits, such as can be had in July, and flowers were scattered about in profusion : even the stalls of the butchers, from their brilliant cleanliness, appeared at¬ tractive : and the bonny young women of Altrincham were all tripping about in caps and aprons coquettishly disposed. The general hilarity of the scene at this early hour, with the low murmurings of pleasurable conversation and laughter, that rose up like a fountain to the open window, left so pro¬ found an impression upon me that I never lost it. All this occurred, as I have said, about eight o’clock on a superb 30 July morning. Exactly at that time of the morning, on exactly such another heavenly day of July, did I, leaving Manchester at six a.m., naturally enough find myself in the centre of the Altrincham market-place, hTothing had altered. There were the very same fruits and flowers; the same bonny young women tripping up and down in the same (no, not the same) coquettish bonnets; everything was apparently the same : perhaps the windovr of my bedroom was still p 82 CONFESSIONS OF open, only my nurse and 1 were not looking out; for alas ! on recollection, fourteen years precisely had passed since then. Breakfast time, however, is always a cheerful stage of the day; if a man can forget his cares at any season, it is then; and after a walk of seven miles it is doubly so. I felt it at the time, and have stopped, therefore, to notice it, as a singular coincidence, that twice, and by the merest accident, I should find myself, precisely as the clocks on a July morning were all striking eight, drawing inspiration of 10 pleasurable feelings from the genial sights and sounds in the little market-place of Altrincham. There I breakfasted; and already by the two hours’ exercise I felt myself half restored to health. After an hour’s rest, I started again upon my journey: all my gloom and despondency were already retiring to the rear; and, as I left Altrincham, I said to myself, “ All places, it seems, are not Whispering Galleries.” The distance between Manchester and Chester was about forty miles. What it is under railway changes I know not. 20 This I planned to walk in two days : for, though the whole might have been performed in one, I saw no use in exhaust¬ ing myself j and my walking powers were rusty from long disuse. I wished to bisect the journey ; and, as nearly as I could expect— i.e., within two or three miles—such a bisec¬ tion was attained in a clean roadside inn, of the class so commonly found in England. A kind, motherly landlady, easy in her circumstances, having no motive for rapacity, and looking for her livelihood much less to her inn than to her farm, guaranteed to me a safe and profound night’s rest. 30 On the following morning there remained not quite eighteen miles between myself and venerable Chester. Before I reached it, so mighty now (as ever before and since) had be¬ come the benefit from the air and the exercise that often¬ times I felt inebriated and crazy with ebullient spirits. But for the accursed letter, which sometimes “ Came over me, As doth the raven o’er the infected house,” I should have too much forgot my gravity under this new- AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 83 bom health. For two hours before reaching Chester, from the accident of the south-west course which the road itself pursued, I saw held up aloft before my eyes that matchless spectacle, “New and yet as old As the foundations of the heavens and earth,” an elaborate and pompous sunset hanging over the moun¬ tains of North Wales. The clouds passed slowly through several arrangements, and in the last of these I read the very scene which six months before I had read in a most 10 exquisite poem of Wordsworth’s, extracted entire into a London newspaper (I think the “ St. James’s Chronicle ”). It was a Canadian lake, ‘ ‘ W ith all its fairy crowds Of islands that together lie As quietly as spots of sky Amongst the evening clouds.” The scene in the poem (“ Ruth ”), that had been originally mimicked by the poet from the sky, was here re-mimicked and rehearsed to the life, as it seemed, by the sky from the 20 poet. Was I then, in July 1802, really quoting from Wordsworth? Yes, reader ; and I only in all Europe. In 1799 I had become acquainted with “We are Seven” at Bath. In the winter of 1801—2 I had read the whole of “Ruth”; early in 1803 I had written to Wordsworth. In May of 1803 I had received a very long answer from W ords worth. The next morning after reaching Chester, my first thought on rising was directed to the vexatious letter in my custody. The odious responsibility, thrust upon me in 30 connexion with this letter, was now becoming every hour more irritating, because every hour more embarrassing to the freedom of my own movements, since it must by this time have drawn the post-office into the ranks of my pur¬ suers. Indignant I was that this letter should have the power of making myself an accomplice in causing anxiety, perhaps even calamity to the poor emigrant—a man doubly 84 CONFESSIONS OF liable to unjust suspicion j first, as by his profession pre¬ sumably poor, and, secondly, as an alien. Indignant I was that this most filthy of letters should also have the power of forcing me into all sorts of indirect and cowardly move¬ ments at inns; for beyond all things it seemed to me important that I should not be arrested, or even for a moment challenged, as the wrongful holder of an important letter, before I had testified, by my own spontaneous trans¬ fer of it, that I had not daUied with any idea of converting 10 it to my own benefit. In some way I must contrive to restore the letter. But was it not then the simplest of all courses to take my hat before sitting down to breakfast, present myself at the post-office, tender my explanation, and then (like Christian in Bunyan’s allegory) to lay down my soul-wearying burden at the feet of those who could sign my certificate of absolution ? Was not that simple ? Was not that easy ? Oh yes, beyond a doubt. And, if a favourite fawn should be carried off by a lion, would it not be a very simple and easy course to walk after the robber, 20 follow him into his den, and reason with the wretch on the indelicacy of his conduct I In my particular circumstances, the post-office was in relation to myself simply a lion’s den. Two separate parties, I felt satisfied, must by this time be in chase of me; and the two chasers would be confluent at the post-office. Beyond all other objects which I had to keep in view, paramount was that of fencing against my own re-capture. Anxious I was on behalf of the poor foreigner ; but it did not strike me that to this anxiety I was bound to sacrifice myself. How, if I went to the post- yo office, I felt sure that nothing else would be the result; and afterwards it turned out that in this anticipation I had been right. For it struck me that the nature of the en¬ closure in the French letter—viz., the fact that without a forgery it was not negotiable—could not be known certainly to anybody but myself. Doubts upon that point must have quickened the anxieties of all connected with myself, or connected with the case. More urgent consequently would have been the applications of “ Monsieur Monsieur ” to the AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TEE. 85 post-office; and consequently of the post-office to the Priory; and consequently more easily suggested and con¬ certed between the post-office and the Priory would he all the arrangements for stopping me, in the event of my taking the route of Chester—in which case it was natural to suppose that I might personally return the letter to the official authorities. Of course, none of these measures was certainly known to myself; but I guessed at them as reasonable probabilities ; and it was evident that the fifty and odd hours since my elopement from Manchester had 10 allowed ample time for concerting all the requisite prepara¬ tions. As a last resource, in default of any better occurring, it is likely enough that my anxiety would have tempted me into this mode of surrendering my abominable trust, which by this time I regarded with such eyes of burning malice as Sinbad must have directed at intervals towards the venerable ruffian that sat astride upon his shoulders. But things had not yet come to Sinbad’s state of desperation ; so, immediately after breakfast, I took my hat, determining to review the case and adopt some final decision in the 20 open air. For I have always found it easier to think over a matter of perplexity whilst walking in wide open spaces, under the broad eye of the natural heavens, than whilst shut up in a room. But at the very door of the inn I was suddenly brought to a pause by the recollection that some of the servants from the Priory were sure on every fore¬ noon to be at times in the streets. The streets, however, could be evaded by shaping a course along the city walls ; which I did, and descended into some obscure lane that brought me gradually to the banks of the river Dee. In the 30 infancy of its course amongst the Denbighshire mountains, this river (famous in our pre-Hornian history for the earliest parade ^ of English monarchy) is wild and picturesque ; and even below my mother’s Priory it wears a character of ^ “ Earliest parade" :—It was a very scenical parade, for somewhere along this reach of the Dee—viz., immediately below St, John’s Priory —Edgar, the first sovereign of all England, was rowed by nine vassal reguli. 86 CONFESSIONS OF interest. But, a mile or so nearer to its mouth, when leaving Chester for Parkgate, it becomes miserably tame j and the several reaches of the river take the appearance of formal canals. On the right bank^ of the river runs an artificial mound, called the Cop. It was, I believe, origin¬ ally a Danish work ; and certainly its name is Danish {i.e., Icelandic, or old Danish), and the same from which is derived our architectural word coping. Upon this bank I was walking, and throwing my gaze along the formal vista 10 presented by the river. Some trifle of anxiety might mingle with this gaze at the first, lest perhaps Philistines might be abroad ; for it was just possible that I had been watched. But I have generally found that, if you are in quest of some certain escape from Philistines of whatsoever class—sheriff- officers, bores,no matter what—the surest refuge is to be found amongst hedgerows and fields, amongst cows and sheep: in fact, cows are amongst the gentlest of breathing creatures ; none show more passionate tenderness to their young when deprived of them ; and, in short, I am not ashamed to pro- 20 fess a deep love for these quiet creatures. On the present occasion there were many cows grazing in the fields below the Cop : but all along the Cop itself I could descry no per¬ son whatever answering to the idea of a Philistine : in fact, there was nobody at all, except one woman, apparently middle-aged (meaning by that from thirty-five to forty-five), neatly dressed, though perhaps in rustic fashion, and by no possibility belonging to any class of my enemies ; for already ^ ‘ ‘ Right hanJc ” : —But which bank is right, and which left, nnda’ circumstances of position varying by possibility without end ? This is a reasonable demur ; but yet it argues an inexperienced reader. For always the position of the spectator is conventionally fixed. In military tactics, in philosophic geography, in history, &c., the uniform assumption is that you are standing with your back to the source of tlie river, and your eyes travelling along with its current. That bank of the river which under these circumstances lies upon your right is the right bank absolutely, and not relatively only (as would be the case if a room, and not a river, were concerned). Hence it follows that the Middlesex side of the Thames is always the left bank, and the Surrey side always the right bank, no matter whether you are moving from London to Oxford, or reversely from Oxford to London, AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 87 I was near enough to see so much. This woman might he a quarter-of-a-mile distant, and was steadily advancing towards me—face to face. Soon, therefore, I was beginning to read the character of her features pretty distinctly; and her countenance naturally served as a mirror to echo and reverberate my own feelings, consequently my own horror (horror without exaggeration it was), at a sudden uproar of tumultuous sounds rising clamorously ahead. Ahead I mean in relation to myself, but to her the sound was from the rear. Our situation was briefly this. Nearly half-a-mile behind 10 the station of the woman, that reach of the river along which we two were moving came to an abrupt close ; so that the next reach, making nearly a right-angled turn, lay entirely out of view. From this unseen reach it was that the angry clamour, so passionate and so mysterious, arose : and I, for my part, having never heard such a fierce battling outcry, nor even heard of such a cry, either in books or on the stage, in prose or verse, could not so much as whisper a guess to my¬ self upon its probable cause. Oidy this I felt, that blind, un¬ organised nature it must be—and nothing in human or in 20 brutal wrath—that could utter itself by such an anarchy of sea-like uproars. What was it ? Where was if? Whence was if? Earthquake was if? convulsion of the steadfast earth ? or was it the breaking loose from ancient chains of some deep morass like that of Solway ? More probable it seemed that the avw Trordfxwv of Euripides (the flowing backwards of rivers to their fountains) now, at last, after ages of expectation, had been suddenly realised. Not long I needed to speculate ; for within half-a-minute, perhaps, from the first arrest of our attention, the proximate cause of this 30 mystery declared itself to our eyes, although the remote cause (the hidden cause of that visible cause) was still as dark as before. Round that right-angled turn which I have mentioned as wheeling into the next succeeding reach of the river, suddenly as with the trampling of cavalry—but all dressing accurately—and the water at the outer angle sweep¬ ing so much faster than that at the inner angle as to keep the front of advance rigorously in line, violently careered 83 CONFESSIONS OF round into our own placid watery vista a huge charging block of waters, filling the whole channel of the river, ancl coining down upon us at the rate of forty miles an hour. Well was it for us, myself and that respectable rustic woman, as the Deucalion and Pyrrha of this perilous moment, sole survivors apparently of the deluge (since by accident there was at that particular moment on that particular Cop nothing else to survive), that by means of this Cop, and of ancient Danish hands (possibly not yet paid for their work), 10 we could survive. In fact, this watery breastwork, a per¬ pendicular wall of water carrying itself as true as if con¬ trolled by a mason’s plumb-line, rode forward at such a pace that obviously the fleetest horse or dromedary would have had no chance of escape. Many a decent railway even, among railways since born its rivals, would not have had above the third of a chance. Naturally, I had too short a time for observing much or accurately; and universally I am a poor hand at observing; else I should say that this riding block of crystal waters did not gallop, but went at a long 20 trot; yes, long trot—that most frightful of paces in a tiger, in a buffalo, or in a rebellion of waters. Even a ghost, I feel convinced, would appal me more if coming up at a long diabolical trot than at a canter or gallop. The first impulse to both of us was derived from cowardice ; cowardice the most abject and selfish. Such is man, though a Deucalion elect; such is woman, though a decent Pyrrha. Both of us ran like hares; neither did I, Deucalion, think of poor Pyrrha at all for the first sixty seconds. Yet, on the other hand, why should I ? It struck me seriously that St. George’s 30 Channel (and, if so, beyond a doubt, the Atlantic Ocean) had broke loose, and was, doubtless, playing the same in¬ sufferable gambols upon all rivers along a seaboard of six to seven thousand miles; in which case, as all the race of woman must be doomed, how romantic a speculation it was for me, sole relic of literature, to think specially of one poor Pyrrha, probably very illiterate, whom I had never yet spoken to ! That idea pulled me up. Not spohen to her f' Then I loould speak to her; and the more so because the AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EATER. 89 sound of the pursuing river told me that flight was useless. And, besides, if any reporter or sub-editor of some Chestei’ chronicle should, at this moment, with his glass he sweep¬ ing the Cop, and discover me flying under these unchivalrous circumstances, he might gibbet me to all eternity. Halting, therefore (and really I had not run above eighty or a hundred steps), I waited for my solitary co-tenant of the Cop. She was a little blown by running, and could not easily speak; besides which, at the very moment of her coming up, the preternatural column of waters, running in the very opposite 10 direction to the natural current of the river, came up with us, ran by with the ferocious uproar of a hurricane, sent up the sides of the Cop a salute of waters, as if hypocritically pretending to kiss our feet, but secretly understood by all parties as a vain treachery for pulling us down into the flying deluge; whilst all along both banks the mighty refluent wash was heard as it rode along, leaving memorials, by sight and by sound, of its victorious power. But my female associate in this terrific drama, what said she, on coming up with me? Or what said I? For, by accident, 20 I it was that spoke first; notwithstanding the fact, notorious and undeniable, that / had never teen introduced to her. Here, however, be it understood, as a case now solemnly adjudicated and set at rest, that, in the midst of any great natural convulsion—earthquake, suppose, waterspout, tor¬ nado, or eruption of Vesuvius—it shall and may he lawful in all time coming (any usage or tradition to the contrary notwithstanding) for two English people to communicate with each other, although, by affidavit made before two justices of the peace, it shall have been proved that no 30 previous introduction had been possible : in all other cases the old statute of non-intercourse holds good. Meantime, the present case, in default of more circumstantial evidence, might be regarded, if not as an earthquake, yet as ranking amongst the first-fruits or blossoms of an earthquake. So I spoke without scruple. All my freezing English reserve gave way under this boiling sense of having been so recently running for life ; and then, again, suppose the water column 90 CONFESSIONS OF should come bad?;—riding along loith the current, and no longer riding against it—in that case, we and all the County Palatine might soon have to run for our lives. Under such threatenings of common peril, surely the -irapp-qa-La, or un¬ limited license of speech, ought spontaneously to proclaim itself without waiting for sanction. So I asked her the meaning of this horrible tumult in the waters ; how did she read the mystery ? Her answer Avas, that, though she had never before seen such a thing, yet from her grandmother she had often heard of it; and, if she had run before it, that was because I ran; and a little, perhaps, because the noise frightened her. What was it, then ? I asked. “ It was,” she said, “ The Bore ; and it was an affection to which only some few rivers here and there were liable; and the Dee was one of these.” So ignorant was I that, until that moment, I had never heard of such a nervous affection in rivers. Subsequently I found that, amongst English rivers, the neighbouring river Severn, a far more important stream, suffered at spring-tides the same kind of hysterics, and perhaps some few other rivers in this British Island; hut amongst Indian rivers only the Ganges. At last, when The Bore had been discussed to the full extent of our united ignorance, I went off to the subject of that other curse, far more afflicting than any conceivable bore —viz., the foreign letter in my pocket. The Bore had certainly alarmed us for ninety or a hundred seconds, but the letter would poison my very existence, like the bottle- imp, until I could transfer it to some person truly qualified to receive it. Might not my fair friend on the Cop be marked out by Fate as “ the coming woman ” born to deliver me from this pocket curse 1 It is true that she displayed a rustic simplicity somewhat resembling that of Audrey in “ As you like it.” Her, in fact, not at all more than Audrey had the gods been pleased to make “ poetical.” But, for my particular mission, that might be amongst her best qualifica¬ tions. At any rate, I was wearied in spirit under my load of responsibility ; personally to liberate myself by visiting AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EATER. 91 the post-office too surely I felt as the ruin of my enterprise in its very outset. Some agent must be employed; and ^here could one be found promising by looks, words, manners, more trustworthiness than this agent, sent by accident 1 The case almost explained itself. She readily understood how the resemblance of a name had thrown the letter into my possession; and that the simple remedy was to restore it to the right owner through the right channel, which channel was the never-enough-to-be-esteemed General Post-office, at that time pitching its tents and bivouacking nightly in Lorn- 10 bard Street, but for this special case legally represented by the Chester head-office ; a service of no risk to her, for which, on the contrary, all parties would thank her. I, to begin, begged to put my thanks into the shape of half-a-crown : but, as some natural doubts arose with respect to her precise station in life (for she might be a farmer’s wife, and not a servant), I thought it advisable to postulate the existence of some youthful daughter : to which mythological person I begged to address my offering, when incarnated in the shape of a doll. 20 I therefore, Deucalion that was or had been provisionally through a brief interval of panic, took leave of my Pyrrha, sole partner in the perils and anxieties of that astounding Bore, dismissing her—Thessalian Pyrrha—not to any Thes¬ salian vales of Tempo, but—0 ye powers of moral ana¬ chronism !—to the Chester Post-office; and warning her on no account to be prematurely wheedled out of her secret. Her position, diplomatically speaking, was better (as I made her understand) than that of the post-office: she having some¬ thing in her gift—viz., an appointment to forty guineas; 30 whereas in the counter-gift of the proud post-office was nothing ; neither for instant fruition nor in far-off reversion. Her, in fact, one might regard as a Pandora, carrying a box with something better than hope at the bottom j for hope too often betrays; but a draft upon Smith, Payne, & Smith, which never betrays, and for a sum which, on the authority of Goldsmith, makes an English clergyman “passing rich” through a whole twelvemonth, entitled her 92 CONFESSIONS OF to look scornfully upon every second person that she met. In about two hours the partner of my solitary kingdom upon the Cop re-appeared, with the welcome assurance that Chester had survived the Bore, that all was right, and that any tiling which ever had been looking crooked was now made straight as the path of an arrow. She had given “ my love ” (so she said) to the post-ofiice ; had been thanked by more than either one or two amongst the men of letters 10 who figured in the equipage of that establishment; and had been assured that, long before daylight departed, one large cornucopia of justice and felicity would be emptied out upon the heads of all parties in the drama. I myself, not the least afflicted person on the roll, was already released—suddenly released, and fully—from the iniquitous load of responsi¬ bility thrust upon me; the poor emigrant was released from his conflict with fears that were uncertain, and creditors too certain ; the post-office was released from the scandal and embarrassment of a gross irregularity, that might eventually 20 have brought the postmaster-general down upon their haunches; and the household at the Priory were released from all anxieties, great and small, sound and visionary, on the question of my fancied felony. In those anxieties one person there was that never had condescended to participate. This was my eldest sister Mary —just eleven months senior to myself. She was among the gentlest of girls, and yet from the very first she had testified the most incredulous disdain of all who fancied her brother capable of any thought so base as that of meditating 30 a wrong to a needy exile. At present, after exchanging a few parting words, and a few final or farewell farewells with my faithful female ^ agent, further business I had none to detain ^ Some people are irritated, or even fancy themselves hisnltecl, by overt acts of alliteration, as many people are by puns. On their account let me say that, although there are here eight separate f s in less than half a sentence, this is to be held as pure accident. In fact, , at one time there were nine f’s in the original cast of the sentence, until I, in pity of the affronted people, snbstituted female agent for female friertd. AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 93 me in Chester, except what concerned this particular sister. My business with her was not to thank her for the resolute justice which she had done me, since as yet I could not know of that service, hut simply to see her, to learn the domestic news of the Priory, and, according to the possibilities of the case, to concert with her some plan of regular correspondence. Meantime it happened that a maternal uncle, a military man on the Bengal establishment, who had come to England on a three-years’ leave of absence (according to the custom in those days), was at this time a visitor at the Priory. My mother’s 10 establishment of servants was usually limited to five persons —all, except one, elderly and torpid. But my uncle, Avho had brought to England some beautiful Arab and Persian horses, found it necessary to gather about his stables an extra body of men and boys. These Avere all alert and active; so that, when I reconnoitred the windows of the Priory in the dusk, hoping in some way to attract my sister’s attention, I not only failed in that object, seeing no lights in any room which could naturally have been occupied by her, but I also found myself growing into an object of special attention to 20 certain unknown servants, who, having no doubt received instructions to look out for me, easily inferred from my anxious movements that I must be the person “ wanted.” Uneasy at all the novel appearances of things, I went aAvay, and returned, after an hour’s interval, armed with a note to my sister, requesting her to Avatch for an opportunity of coming out for a feAv minutes under the shadows of the little ruins in the Priory garden,^ Avhere I meantime would be 1 “ The little ruins in the Priory garden” :—St. John’s Priory had been part of the monastic foundation attached to the Aery ancient church of St. John, standing beyond,the walls of Chester. Early in the seventeenth century, this Priory, or so much of it as remained, was occupied as a dwelling-house by Sir Robert Cotton the antiquary. And there, according to tradition, he had been visited by Ben Jonson. All that remained of the Priory when used as a domestic residence by Cotton Avas upon a miniature scale, except only the kitchen—a noble room, with a groined roof of stone, exactly as it had been fitted to the uses of the monastic establishment. The little hall of entrance, the dining-room, and principal bedroom, were in a modest style of elegance, fitted by the scale of accommodation for the abode of a 94 CONFESSIONS OF waiting* This note I gave to a stranger, whose costume showed him to he a groom, begging him to give it to the young lady whose address it bore. He answered, in a respectful tone, that he would do so ; but he could not sincerely have meant it, since (as I soon learned) it was impossible. In fact, not one minute had I waited, when in glided amongst the ruins—not my fair sister, but my bronzed Bengal uncle ! A Bengal tiger would not more have startled me. How, 10 to a dead 'certainty, I said, here comes a fatal barrier to the prosecution of my scheme. I was mistaken. Between my mother and my uncle there existed the very deepest affection; for they regarded each other as sole reliques of a household once living together in memorable harmony. But in many features of character no human beings could stand off from each other in more lively repulsion. And this was seen on literary bachelor, and pretty nearly as Cotton had left them two cen¬ turies before. But the miniature character of the Priory, which had dwindled by successive abridgments from a royal quarto into a pretty duodecimo, was seen chiefly in the beautiful ruins which adorned the little lawn, across which access was gained to the house through the hall. These ruins amounted at the most to three arches—which, be¬ cause round and not pointed, were then usually called Saxon, as con¬ tradistinguished from Gothic. What might be the exact classiflcation of the architecture I do not know. Certainly the very ancient church of St. John, to which at one time the Priory must have been an append¬ age, wore a character of harsh and naked simplicity that was repul¬ sive. But the little ruins were really beautiful, and drew continual visits from artists and sketchers through every successive summer. Whether they had any architectural enrichments I do not remember. But they interested all people—first by their miniature scale, which would have qualified them (if portable) for a direct introduction amongst the ‘ ‘ properties ” and dramatis personce on our London opera boards ; and, secondly, by the exquisite beauty of the shrubs, wild flowers, and ferns, that surmounted the arches with natural coronets of ■ the richest composition. In this condition of attractiveness my mother saw this little Priory, which was then on sale. As a residence, it had the great advantage of standing somewhat aloof from the city of Chester, which, however (like all cathedral cities), was quiet and respectable in the composition of its population. My mother bought it, added a drawing-room, eight or nine bedrooms, dressing-rooms, &c., all on the miniature scale corresponding to the original plan ; and thus formed a very pretty residence, with the grace of monastic antiquity hanging over the whole little retreat. AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 95 the present occasion. My dear excellent mother, from the eternal quiet of her decorous household, looked upon every violent or irregular movement, and therefore upon mine at present, much as she would have done upon the opening of the seventh seal in the Revelations. But my uncle was thoroughly a man of the world; and, what told even more powerfully on my behalf in this instance, he was a man of even morbid activity. It was so exquisitely natural in his eyes that any rational person should prefer moving about amongst the breezy mountains of Wales to a slavish routine 10 of study amongst books grim with dust and masters too probably still more dusty, that he seemed disposed to regard my conduct as an extraordinary act of virtue. On his ad¬ vice, it was decided that there could be no hope in any contest with my main wishes, and that I should be left to pursue my original purpose of walking amongst the Welsh mountains; provided I chose to do so upon the slender allowance of a guinea a-week. My uncle, whose Indian munificence ran riot upon all occasions, would gladly have had a far larger allowance made to me, and would himself 20 have clandestinely given me anything I asked. But I my¬ self, from general ignorance (in which accomplishment I excelled), judged this to be sufficient; and at this point my mother, hitherto passively acquiescent in my uncle’s pro¬ posals, interfered with a decisive rigour that in my own heart I could not disapprove. Any larger allowance, most reasonably she urged, what was it but to “make proclama¬ tion to my two younger brotliers that rebellion bore a premium, and that mutiny was the ready road to ease and comfort ” ? My conscience smote me at these words : I felt 30 something like an electric shock on this sudden reference, so utterly unexpected, to my brothers ; for, to say the truth, I never once admitted them to my thoughts in forecasting the eventual consequences that might possibly unroll them¬ selves from my own headstrong act. Here now, within three days, rang like a solemn knell, reverberating from the sounding-board within my awakened conscience, one of those many self-reproaches so dimly masked, but not cii- 96 CONFESSIONS OF cumstantially prefigured, by the secret thought under the dome of St. Paul’s Cathedral about its dread Whispering Gallery, In this particular instance I know that the evil consequences from my own example never did take effect. But, at the moment of my mother’s sorrowful suggestion, the fear that they might take effect thrilled me with re¬ morse. My next brother, a boy of generous and heroic temper, was at a school governed by a brutal and savage master. This brother, I well know, had justifying reasons, 10 ten times weightier than any which I could plead, for copy¬ ing my precedent. Most probable it was that he would do so j but I learned many years subsequently from himself that in fact he did not. The man’s diabolical malice at last made further toleration impossible. Without thinking of my example, under very different circumstances my brother won his own emancipation in ways suggested by his own views and limited by his own resources : he got afloat upon the wide, wide world of ocean; ran along a perilous seven-years’ career of nautical romance; had his name 20 almost blotted out from all memories in England j became of necessity a pirate amongst pirates; was liable to the death of a pirate wherever taken; then suddenly, on a morning of battle, having effected his escape from the bloody flag, he joined the English storming party at Monte Video, fought under the eye of Sir Home Popham, the commodore, and within twenty-four hours after the victory was rated as a midshipman on board the Diadem (a 64-gun ship), which bore Sir Home’s flag. All this I have more circumstantially narrated elsewhere. I repeat the sum of it 30 here, as showing that his elopement from a brutal tyrant was not due to any misleading of mine. I happen to know this now—but then I could not know it. And, if I had so entirely overlooked one such possible result, full of calamity to my youthful brothers, why might I not have overlooked many hundreds beside, equally probable— equally full of peril ^ That consideration saddened me, and deepened more and more the ominous suggestion—the oracle full of woe—that spoke from those Belshazzar AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EATER. 97 thunderings upon the wall of the Whispering Gallery. In fact, every intricate and untried path in life, where it was from the first a matter of arbitrary choice to enter upon it or avoid it, is effectually a path through a vast Hercynian forest, unexplored and unmapped, where each several turn in your advance leaves you open to new anticipations of what is next to be expected, and consequently open to altered valuations of all that has been already traversed. Even the character of your own absolute experience, past and gone, which (if anything in this world) you might 10 surely answer for as sealed and settled for ever—even this you must submit to hold in suspense, as a thing condi¬ tional and contingent upon what is yet to come—liable to have its provisional character affirmed or reversed, ac¬ cording to the new combinations into which it may enter with elements only yet perhaps in the earliest stages of development. Saddened by these reflections, I was still more saddened by the chilling manner of my mother. If I could presume to descry a fault in my mother, it was that she turned the 20 chilling aspects of her high-toned character too exclusively upon those whom, in any degree, she knew or supposed to be promoters of evil. Sometimes her austerity might seem even unjust. But at present the whole artillery of her dis¬ pleasure seemed to be unmasked, and justly unmasked, against a moral aberration that offered for itself no excuse that was obvious in one moment, that was legible at one glance, that could utter itself in one word. My mother was predisposed to think ill of all causes that required many words : I, predisposed to subtleties of all sorts and 30 degrees, had naturally become acquainted with cases that could not unrobe their apparellings down to that degree of simplicity. If in this world there is one misery having no relief, it is the pressure on the heart from the Incommuni¬ cable. And, if another Sphinx should arise to propose another enigma to man—saying. What burden is that which only is insupportable by human fortitude ? I should answer at once —It is the burden of the Incommunicable. Q 98 CONFESSIONS OF At this inoiiieiit, sitting in the same room of the Priory with my mother, knowing how reasonable she was—how patient of explanations—how candid—how open to pity— not the less I sank away in a hopelessness that was im¬ measurable from all effort at explanation. She and I were contemplating the very same act; but she from one centre, I from another. Certain I was that, if through one half¬ minute she could realise in one deadly experience the suffering with which I had fought through more than three 10 months, the amount of pliysical anguish, the desolation of all genial life, she would have uttered a rapturous absolution of that Avhich else must always seem to her a mere ex¬ plosion of wilful insubordination. “ In this brief experi¬ ence,” she would exclaim, “ I read the record of your acquittal; in this fiery torment I acknowledge the gladia¬ torial resistance.” Such in the case supposed would have been her revised verdict. But this case was exquisitely impossible. Nothing which offered itself to my rhetoric gave any but the feeblest and most childish reflection of any 20 past sufferings. Just so helpless did I feel, disarmed iiato just the same languishing impotence to face (or make an effort at facing) the difficulty before me, as naost of us have felt in the dreams of our childhood when lying down with¬ out a struggle before some all-conquering lion. I felt that the situation was one without hope; a solitary word, which I attempted to mould upon my lips, died away into a sigh j and passively I acquiesced in the apparent confession spread through all the appearances—that in reality I had no pallia¬ tion to produce. 30 One alternative, in the offer made to me, was that I had permission to stay at the Priory. The Priory, or the mountainous region of Wales, was offered freely to my choice. Either of the two offered an attractive abode. The Priory, it may be fancied, was clogged with the lia¬ bility to fresh and intermitting reproaches. But this was not so. I knew my mother sufficiently to be assured that, once having expressed her sorrowful condemnation of my act, having made it impossible for me to misunderstand her AA^ ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 99 views, she was ready to extend her wonted hospitality to me, and (as regarded all practical matters) her wonted kind¬ ness j but not that sort of kindness which could make me forget that I stood under the deepest shadows of her dis¬ pleasure, or could leave me for a moment free to converse at my ease upon any and every subject. A man that is talking on simple toleration, and, as it were, under per¬ manent protest, cannot feel himself morally at his ease, unless very obtuse and coarse in his sensibilities. Mine, under any situation approaching to the present, lO were so far from being obtuse that tliey were morbidly and extravagantly acute. I had erred : that I knew, and did not disguise from myself. Indeed, the rapture of anguish with which I had recurred involuntarily to my experience of the Whispering Gallery, and the symbolic meaning which I had given to that experience, manifested indirectly my deep sense of error, through the dim misgiving which attended it that in some mysterious way the sense and the conse¬ quences of this error would magnify themselves at every stage of life, in proportion as they were viewed retrospec- 20 tivcly from greater and greater distances. I had, besides, through the casual allusion to my brothers, suddenly become painfully aware of another and separate failure in the filial obligations resting on myself. Any mother who is a widow has especial claims on the co-operation of her eldest son in all means of giving a beneficial bias to the thoughts and pur- [)Oses of the younger children : and, if any mother, then by a title how special could my own mother invoke such co-opera¬ tion, who had on her part satisfied all the claims made upon her maternal character by self-sacrifices as varied as privately 30 I knew them to be exemplary. Whilst yet comparatively young, not more than thirty-six, she had sternly refused all countenance, on at least two separate occasions, to distin¬ guished proposals of marriage, out of pure regard to the memory of my father, and to the interests of his children. Could I fail to read, in such unostentatious exemplifications of maternal goodness, a summons to a corresponding earnest¬ ness on my part in lightening, as much as possible, the lOO CONFESSIONS OF burden of her responsibilities ? Alas ! too ' certainly, as regarded that duty, I felt my own failure : one opportunity had been signally lost. And yet, on the other hand, I also felt that more might be pleaded on my behalf than could by possibility be apparent to a neutral bystander. But this, to be pleaded effectually, needed to be said—not by myself, but by a disinterested advocate : and no such advocate was at hand. In blind distress of mind, conscience-stricken and heart-stricken, I stretched out my arms, seeking for my one 10 sole auxiliary 3 that was my eldest sister Mary ; for my younger sister Jane was a mere infant. Blindly and mechanically, I stretched out my arms as if to arrest her attention; and, giving utterance to my labouring thoughts, I was beginning to speak, when all at once I became sensible that Mary was not there. I had heard a step behind me, and supposed it hers ; since the groom’s ready acceptance of my letter to her had pre-occupied me with the belief that I should see her in a few moments. But she was far away, on a mission of anxious, sisterly love. 20 Immediately after my elopement, an express had been sent off to the Priory from Manchester; this express, well mounted, had not spent more than four hours on the road. He must have passed me on my first day’s walk; and, within an hour after Ms arrival, came a communication from the post-office, explaining the nature and value of the letter that had been so vexatiously thrust into my hands. Alarm spread through the Priory : for it must be confessed that the coincidence of my elopement with this certified delivery of the letter to myself gave but too reasonable grounds for con- 30 necting the two incidents. I was grateful to dear Mary for resisting such strong plausibilities against me; and yet I could not feel entitled to complain of those who had not resisted. The probability seemed that I must have violated the laws to some extent, either by forgery or by fraudulent appropriation. In either case, the most eligible course seemed to be my instant expatriation. France (this being the year of peace) or Holland would offer the best asylum until the affair should bo settled; and, as there could be no AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EATER. loi anxieties in any quarter as to the main thing concerned in the issue—viz., the money—in any case there was no reason to fear a vindictive pursuit, even on the worst assumption as regarded the offence. An elderly gentleman, long connected with the family, and in many, cases an agent for the guardians, at this moment offered his services as counsellor and protector to my sister Mary. Two hours therefore from the arrival of the Manchester express (who, starting about 11 A.M., had reached Chester at 3 p.m.), all the requisite steps having been concerted with one of the Chester 10 banks for getting letters of credit, &c., a carriage-and-four was at the Priory gate, into which stepped my sister Mary, with one female attendant and her friendly escort. And thus, the same day on which I had made my exit from Mr. Lawson’s saw the chase after me commencing. Sunset saw the pursuers crossing the Mersey, and trotting into Liverpool. Thence to Ormskirk, thirteen miles, and thence to 'proud Prestoti, about twenty more. Within a trifle, these three stages made fifty miles; and so much did my chasers, that pursued when no man fled, accomplish before sleeping. On 20 the next day, long and long before the time when I, in my humble pedestrian character, reached Chester, my sister’s party had reached Ambleside—distant about ninety-two miles from Liverpool; consequently somewhere about a hundred and seven miles from the Priory. This chasing party, with good reason, supposed themselves to be on my traces ever after reaching “ proud Preston,” which is the point of confluence for the Liverpool and Manchester roads northwards. Por I myself, having originally plairned my route for the English Lakes, purposely suffered some indi- 30 cations of that plan to remain behind me, in the hope of thus giving a false direction to any pursuit that might be attempted. The further course of this chase was disagreeably made known to me about four years later, on attaining my ma¬ jority, by a “little account” of about £150 against my little patrimonial fortune. Of all the letters from the Priory (which, however, from natural oversight were not 102 CONFESSIONS OF thought of until the day after my own arrival at the Priory — i.e., the third day after my sister’s departure), not one caught them: which was unfortunate. For the journey to and from the Lakes, together with a circuit of more than one hundred ami fifty miles amongst the Lakes, would at any rate have run up to nearly four hundred miles. But it happened that my pursuers, not having time to sift such intelligence as they received, were misled into an excursus of full two hundred miles more, by chasing an imaginary “ me ” to the 10 caves, thence to Bolton Abbey, thence nearly to York. Altogether, the journey amounted to above six hundred miles, all performed with four horses. Now, at that time the cost of four horses—which in the cheapest hay and corn seasons was three shillings a-mile, and in dear seasons four— was three and sixpence a-mile; to which it was usual to compute an average addition of one shilling a-mile for gates, postilions, ostlers; so that the total amount, with the natural expenses of the three travellers at the inns, ran up to five shillings a-mile. Consequently, five shillings being the 20 quarter of a pound, six hundred miles cost the quarter of £600. The only item in this long account which consoled me to the amount of a solitary smile for all this money thrown away was an item in a bill at Patterdale (head of Ulleswater)— To an echo, first quality.£0 10 0 To do., second quality. 0 6 0 It seems the price of echoes varied, reasonably enough, with the amount of gunpowder consumed. But at Low-wood, on Windermere, half-crown echoes might be had by those base 30 snobs who would put up with a vile Brummagem substitute for “ the genuine article.” Trivial, meantime, as regarded any permanent conse¬ quences, would have been this casual inroad upon my patri¬ mony. Had I waited until my sister returned home, which I might have been sure could only have been delayed through the imperfectly concerted system of correspondence, AN ENGLISH OPIUM^EA TER. 103 all Avoiild have prospered. From her I should have received ! the cordiality and the genial sympathy which I needed; I j could have quietly pursued my studies; and my Oxford matriculation would have followed as a matter of course, j But, iinhappily, having for so long a time been seriously shaken in health, any interruption of my wild open-air system of life instantly threAv me hack into nervous derangements. Past all doubt it had now become that the al fresco life, to Avhich I had looked with so much hopefulness for a sure and rapid restoration to health, was even more 10 potent than I had supposed it. Literally irresistible it seemed in re-organising the system of my languishing powers. Impatient, therefore, under the absence of my sister, and agitated every hour so long as my home wanted its central charm in some household countenance, some awrpo^ov o/Ap.a, beaming with perfect sympathy, I resolved to avail myself of those wild mountainoirs and sylvan attrac¬ tions which at present lay nearest to me. Those parts, indeed, of Flintshire, or even of Denbighshire, which lay near to Chester, were not in any very eminent sense attrac- 20 tive. The vale of Gressford, for instance, within the Flint¬ shire border, and yet not more than seven miles distant, offered a lovely little seclusion ; and to this I had a privi¬ leged access ; and at first I tried it; hut it was a dressed and ornamented pleasure-ground : and two ladies of some distinction, nearly related to each other, and old friends of my mother, were in a manner the ladies paramount within the ring fence of this Arcadian vale. But this did not offer what I wanted. Everything was elegant, polished, quiet, throughout the lawns and groves of this verdant 30 retreat : no rudeness was allowed here j even the little brooks were trained to “ behave themselves ” ; and the two villas of the reigning ladies (Mrs. Warrington and Mrs. Parry) showed the perfection of good taste. For both ladies had cultivated a taste for painting, and I believe some executive poAver. Here my introductions were rather too favourable ; since they forced me into society. From Gressford, however, the character of the scene, considered 104 CONFESSIONS OF as a daily residence, very soon repelled me, however other¬ wise fascinating by the accomplishments of its two posses¬ sors. Just two-and-twenty miles from Chester, meantime, lay a far grander scene, the fine vale of Llangollen in the centre of Denbighshire. Here, also, the presiding residents were two ladies, whose romantic retirement from the world at an early age had attracted for many years a general interest to their persons, habits, and opinions. These ladies were Irish — Miss Ponsonby, and Lady Eleanor 10 Butler, a sister of Lord Ormond. I had twice been for¬ mally presented to them by persons of a rank to stamp a value upon this introduction. But, naturally, though high¬ bred courtesy concealed any such open expressions of feel¬ ing, they must have felt a very slight interest in myself or my opinions.^ I grieve to say that my own feelings were not more ardent towards them. Nevertheless, I presented myself at their cottage as often as I passed through Llan¬ gollen ; and was always courteously received when they happened to be in the country. However, as it was not 20 ladies that I was seeking in Wales, I now pushed on to Carnarvonshire ; and for some weeks took a very miniature suite of rooms—viz., one room and a closet—at Bangor. My landlady had been a lady’s-maid, or a nurse, or some¬ thing of that sort, in the Bishop of Bangor’s family ; and had but lately married away from that family, or (to use her own expression) had “settled.” In a little town like Bangor, barely to have lived in the Bishop’s family con- ^ It is worthy of notice that, when I, in this year 1802, and again in after years, endeavoured to impress them favourably with regard to Wordsworth as a poet (that subject having not been introduced by myself, but by one of the ladies, who happened to have a Cambridge friend intimate with the man, and ])erhaps with his works), neither of them was disposed to look with any interest or hopefulness upon his pretensions. Rut, at a period long subsequent to this, when the House of Commons had rung with applause on Sergeant Talfourd’s mention of his name, and when all American tourists of any distinc¬ tion flocked annually to Rydal Mount, Wordsworth’s own poems bear witness that a great revolution had been worked at Llangollen. I mention this anecdote, because I have good reason to think that a large proportion of the “ conversions ” in the case of Wordsworth took place under the same influence. AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 105 ferred some distinction ; and my good landlady had rather more than her share of the pride natural to that glorious advantage. What “ my lord ” said, and what “ my lord ” did, how useful he was in Parliament, and how indispen¬ sable at Oxford, formed the daily burden of her talk. All this I bore very well; for it cost no great effort to make allowance for the garrulity of an old servant; and luckily nothing in our daily routine of life brought us often into each other’s company. Sometimes, however, we met; and of necessity, on such occasions, I must have appeared in 10 her eyes very inadequately impressed with the Bishop’s importance, and with the grandeur of having lived in a palace ; and, perhaps, to punish me for my indifference, or it might, after all, be mere accident, she one day repeated to me a conversation in which I was indirectly a party con¬ cerned. She had been to the palace ; and, dinner being over, she had been summoned into the dining-room. In giving an account of her household economy, she happened to mention that she had let what she styled somewhat magnificently her “ apartments.” The good Bishop (it 20 seemed) had thence taken occasion to caution her as to her selection of inmates ; “ for,” said he, “ you must recollect, Betty, that Bangor is in the high road to the Head ” (the Head was the common colloquial expression for Holyhead), “so that multitudes of Irish swindlers, running away from their debts into England, and of English swindlers, running away from their debts to the Isle of IMan, are likely to take this place in their route.” Such advice was certainly not without reasonable grounds, but rather fitted to be stored up for Mrs. Betty’s private meditations than specially 30 reported to me. What followed was worse :—“ 0 my lord,” answered my landlady (according to her own representation of the matter), “ I really don’t think that this young gen¬ tleman is a swindler j because-” —“ You don’t think, me a swindler?” said I, interrupting her, in a tumult of indignation ; “ for the future I shall spare you the trouble of thinking about it.” And without delay I prepared for my departure. Some concessions the good woman seemed io6 CONFESSIONS OF disposed to make ; but a harsh and contemptuous express sion, which I fear that I applied to the learned dignitary himself, roused her indignation in turn; and reconciliation then became impossible. I was, indeed, greatly irritated at the Bishop’s having suggested any grounds of suspicion, however remotely, against a person whom he had never seen ; and I thought of letting him know my mind in Greek ; which, at the same time that it would furnish some presumption in behalf of my respectability, might also (I 10 hoped) compel the Bishop to answer in the same language ; and in that case I doubted not to make good my superiority, as a versatile wielder of arms rarely managed with effect, against all the terrors of his lordship’s wig. I was wrong if I said anything in my anger that was disparaging or sceptical as to the Bishop’s intellectual pre¬ tensions •, which were not only very sound, but very appro¬ priate to the particular stations which he filled. For the Bishop of Bangor (at that time Dr. Cleaver) was also the head of Brasenose, Oxford—which college was indebted to 20 him for its leadership ’ at that era in scholarship and dis- ^ The rank to which Brasenose had suddenly risen in the estimation of the world was put to the test in the following year. The leading family in the house (the gms) of Grenville was, at this time, that of the Marquis of Buckingham, not long after elevated to the ducal rank. The second son of this nobleman—viz., Lord George Grenville (subse¬ quently succeeding to the peerage of Nugent, and known in his literary character only as Lord Nugent)—happened, in this or the following year, to be ripe for college ; which means, in England, that he was a young man, and not a boy ; generally, at the very least, eighteen years old. According to all known precedent, he should have gone to Christ Church. But, on such a question arising, natur¬ ally bis uncle. Lord Grenville, under whose patronage the Grenville “ Homer” had been published, and who was reputed an accomplished scholar, assisted at the family council ; and by Ms advice, to the astonishment of Oxford, Brasenose was selected in preference to Christ Church ; and, I believe, on the one sole ground of deference for the administrative talents (combined with singular erudition) of Dr. Cleaver. This casual precedency, however, of Brasenose, resting (as it did) on a mere personal basis, ran down as suddenly as it had ran up, and has long since been forgotten. The fact is that rustic families, at a distance from Oxford, naturally presume some superior dignity in any college that should happen to have a bishop for its ruler ; not knowing that, in Oxford and Cambridge, all heads of considerable AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 107 cipline. In this academic character I learned afterwards that he might be called almost a reformer,—a wise, temper¬ ate, and successful reformer; and, as a scholar, I saw many years later that he had received the laudatory notice of Porson. But, on the other hand, the Bishop was not altogether without blame in unchaining his local influence, were it only by hint or insinuation, against a defenceless stranger. For so great a man, in so small a town as Bangor, was really as much of an autocrat as a post-captain on the quarterdeck of his own vessel. A “ sea-lawyer ” in such a 10 case must contrive to pocket his wrongs, until he finds himself and the captain on shore. Yet, after all, my scheme was not altogether so absurd ; and the anger, in which perhaps it might begin, all melted away in the fun which would have accompanied its execution. It will strike the reader that my plan of retaliation must have failed by arming against me the official pride of the Bishop. Any man, it will be thought, occupying so dignified a place in public life—a lord of Parliament, holder of a prize in the episcopal lottery (for Bangor was 20 worth six thousand a-year), a leading Don at Oxford—in short, a splendid pluralist, armed with diocesan thunder and lightning—would never stoop from his Jovian altitude to notice any communication whatever from a boy. But it would make all the difference in the world that this com¬ munication by the supposition was to be in Greek, Mere curiosity in such a case would compel the Bishop to read colleges hold themselves (and are held) equals in rank and dignity to the bench of bishops. In Oxford more especially this doctrine receives a standing illustration ; for there the dean of the diocese is necessarily and ex officio the head of Christ Church, which (by the number and the rank of its population) is beyond all competition the supreme college in the whole university. In that character, therefore (of college head), Mr. Dean is a very much greater man than my lord the Bishop. This virtual inferiority in the face of an ostensible superiority was, until the new regulations for somewhat equalising the bishoprics, further reinforced by the poverty of Oxford as an episcopal see. It ought to be added that to hold the headship of a college in combina¬ tion with a bishopric, considering the burdensomeness of irreconcilable functions attached to each of the offices, is a scandalous violation of public duty, such as ought never to have won an hour’s toleration. io8 CONFESSIONS OF it. And then, shockingly irregular as such a course would be, a fatal temptation would arise to the hazardous experi¬ ment of answering it in Greek. It would not be pleasant to shrink from the sort of silent challenge thrown out by such an eccentric form of epistle, when worded in the tone of respect due to the Bishop’s age and spiritual office. And certainly the degradation would be conspicuously less in replying even to a boy, if armed with that sort of accomplishment. But was not the Bishop a learned man, 10 well qualified to answer, whose reading must naturally he greater by a score of times than mine ? I had heard so; and I was told also, but long after, that he had written well and learnedly {hut not in Greek) on the Arundel marbles ; even to attempt which, in our days, when the forestalling labours of two centuries have so much narrowed the field open to original sagacity, argues an erudition far from common. But I have already given it as my opinion that there is no proportion held between a man’s general know¬ ledge of Greek and the special art of writing Greek ; that 20 is, using it as a vehicle for ordinary and familiar intercourse. This advantage, not necessarily or usually belonging to the most exquisite Greek scholarship, I myself wielded with a preternatural address for varying the forms of expression, and for bringing the most refractory ideas within the harness of Grecian phraseology. Had the Bishop yielded to the temptation of replying, then I figured to myself the inevitable result—the episcopal hulk lying motionless on the water like a huge three-decker, not able to return a gun, whilst I, as a light agile frigate, should have sailed 30 round and round him, and raked him at pleasure as oppor¬ tunity offered. He could have had no opening for his erudition (as, for instance, upon the Arundel marbles), without too flagrantly recalling the cosmogony man in the “Vicar of Wakefield,” with his avap^ov apa Kal areXevTaLov TO TTctv. Once falling into the snare of replying at all, his lordship would not be at liberty either to break off the correspondence abruptly, or to continue it without damage to his episcopal pomp. My anger, meantime, sudden and AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 109 fiery, as under a sense of real injury, had not been malici¬ ous ; and it was already propitiated beforehand by the mere fun and comic eifect of the picture which I thus prefigured as arising between us. In no case could I have found pleasure in causing any mortifications to the Bishop—morti¬ fications which the Methodists (by this time swarming in Carnarvonshire) would exultingly have diffused. In the end I should probably have confined myself to a grave and temperate remonstrance, simply stating the distressing consequences which were likely to result to me from the too 10 unguarded insinuations of his lordship. But these consequences travelled fast upon the traces of those insinuations; and already, upon the very day when my foolish landlady (more, perhaps, in thoughtlessness than with any purpose of mischief) had repeated the Bishop’s words in what seemed to me so insulting a tone, and so entirely without provocation (since there never had been the smallest irregularity in our little weekly settlements), one of those consequences was that I became houseless. For I disdained to profit by the shelter of a house from 20 which truth and courtesy seemed alike banished. And from that one consequence naturally enough flowed others ; for, having, at any rate, to seek a new home, I left Bangor ^ at once, and rambled away to Carnarvon—distant about two-and-a-half hours’ smart walking. At Carnarvon I found no lodging that altogether suited my purposes,— hired lodgings being then thinly sown in North Wales ; ^ In this, except for what concerned the cheapness and the brilliant cleanliness of the lodgings, under the management of an English housemaid approved by an English bishop’s housekeeper, there was little to regret. Bangor, indeed, had few attractions, fewer than any other spot in Carnarvonshire. And yet, was there not the cathe¬ dral ? Certainly there was ; and that might have been a great resource to me had there been the regular choir services ; but there were none. Indeed, there could be none ; for, so far as I ever heard, there was no choir. The cathedral cemetery was at that time famous as the most beautiful in the whole kingdom. But the beauty was scarcely appropriate : it was the beauty of a well-kept shrubbery, and not of a cemetery. It contrived to look smiling and attractive by the entire dissembling of its real purposes. no CONFESSIONS OF and for some time, therefore, having a small reserve of guineas, I lived very much at inns. This change of abode naturally drew my thoughts away from the Bishop. And thus gradually all my thoughts of expostulation faded away. This I am disposed to regard as an unfortunate solution of the affair, which otherwise would probably have taken the following course :—The Bishop, as I afterwards heard when resident myself at Oxford and personally acquainted with men of Brasenose 10 (to which college, indeed, subsequently, my own youngest brother belonged), was a reasonable and even amiable man. On receiving, therefore, my Greek remonstrance, he was sure as a scholar to have taken some interest in the writer j and he was too equitable to have neglected any statement, Greek or not Greek, which reflected, with some apparent justice, upon his own conduct as not sufficiently considerate. He would, therefore, almost certainly have replied to me in courteous terms; regretting the accident Avhich had made me houseless; but reminding me that all 20 communications made to a dependent within a man’s own gates, and never meant as grounds of action, but simply as cautions—general and not special—are in law and usage held to be privileged communications, and equally Avhether written or spoken*. The insulting use made of this caution he would have treated as due simply to the woman’s coarseness, but ill part, perhaps, as due to a cause which has much to do with the harsh and uncivil expressions of uneducated people—viz., their very limited command of language. They use phrases much stronger than naturally belong to their 30 thoughts and meaning, simply because the narrowness of their vocabulary oftentimes suggests to their embarrassed choice no variation of expression wearing a character less offensive. To such a letter I should have made a suit¬ able reply ; and, thenceforward, it is probable that, until the Michaelmas term drew the Bishop’s family away to Oxford, I should have found my abode in Bangor, or its neighbourhood, much improved as regards the command of books. That advantage would have been fugitive. But AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. Ill other and remoter advantages might have been more serious. It happened that the college to which the IManchester Grammar School would have consigned me as a privileged alumnus was that very college over whicli the Bishop presided. I have no reason to think that the Bishop would have had i)Ower to retrieve for me any part of the privileges Avhich by my elopement I had Avilfully forfeited: but he would have had it abundantly in his ]>ower to place the ordinary college advantages of Fellow¬ ships, &c., Avithin my reach: whereas aftervAmrds, going lo under erroneous counsel to a college disconnected from my own county and my OAvn schools, I never enjoyed those ordinary opportunities of advancement, and consequently of literary leisure, which the English universities open to almost every man Avho qualifies himself duly to obtain them. All this, however, was throAvn into the world of dreams and fable by my hasty movement to Carnarvon, and that region Avhich Pennant first distinguished by the name of Snowdonia. There were already, even in those days of 1802, numer¬ ous inns, erected at reasonable distances from each other, 20 for the accommodation of tourists : and no sort of disgrace attached in Wales, as too generally upon the great roads of England, to the pedestrian style of travelling. Indeed, the majority of those Avhom I met as felloAv-tourists in the quiet little cottage-parlours of the Welsh posting-houses ■Vvere pedestrian travellers. All the Avay from Shrewsbury through Llangollen, Llanrwst,^ CoiiAA^ay, Bangor, then turning to the left at right angles through Carnarvon, and so on to Dolgelly (the chief town of Merionethshire), Tan-y-Bwlch, Harlech, Barmouth, and through the sweet 30 solitudes of Cardiganshire, or turning back sharply towards the English border through the gorgeous Avood scenery of Montgomeryshire—everywhere, at intermitting distances of twelve to sixteen miles, I found the most comfort¬ able inns. One feature, indeed, of repose in all this 1 Llanrwsf' :—This is an alarming word for the eye ; one vowel to what the English eye counts as seven consonants ; but it is easily pronounced as Tlanroost. I 12 CONFESSIONS OF chain of solitary resting-houses—viz., the fact that none of them rose above two storeys in height—was due to the modest scale on which the travelling system of the Princi¬ pality had moulded itself in correspondence to the calls of England, which then (but be it remembered this then was in 1802, a year of peace) threw a very small proportion of her vast migratory population annually into this sequestered channel, hlo huge Babylonian centres of commerce towered into the clouds on these sweet sylvan routes ; no hurricanes 10 of haste, or fever-stricken armies of horses and flying chariots, tormented the echoes in these mountain recesses. And it has often struck me that a world-wearied man, who sought for the peace of monasteries separated from their gloomy captivity —peace and silence such as theirs, combined with the large liberty of nature—could not do better than revolve amongst these modest inns in the five northern Welsh counties of Denbigh, Montgomery, Carnarvon, Merioneth, and Cardigan. Sleeping, for instance, and breakfasting at Carnarvon; then, by an easy nine-mile walk, going forwards to dinner at 20 Bangor, thence to Aber,—nine miles; or to Llanberris; and so on for ever, accomplishing seventy to ninety or one hundred miles in a week. This, upon actual experiment, and for week after week, I found the most delightful of lives. Here was the eternal motion of winds and rivers, or of the Wandering Jew liberated from the persecution which com¬ pelled him to move and turned his breezy freedom into a killing captivity. Happier life I cannot imagine than this vagrancy, if the weather were but tolerable, through endless successions of changing beauty, and towards evening a 30 courteous welcome in a pretty rustic home—that, having all the luxuries of a fine hotel (in particular some luxuries ^ that are almost sacred to alpine regions), was at the same time liberated from the inevitable accompaniments of such hotels in great cities or at great travelling stations—viz., the tumult and uproar. ^ But a luxury of another class, and quite peculiar to Wales, was in those days (I hope in these) the Welsh harp, in attendance at every inn. AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EATER. 113 Life on this model was bnt too delightful; and to myself especially, that am never thoroughly in health unless when having pedestrian exercise to the extent of fifteen miles at the most, and eight to ten miles at the least. Living thus, a man earned his daily enjoyment. But what did it cost? About half-a-guinea a-day : whilst my boyish allowance was not a third of this. The flagrant health, health boiling over in fiery rapture, which ran along, side by side, with exercise on this scale, whilst all the Avhile from morning to night I was inhaling mountain air, soon passed into a hateful scourge. 10 Perquisites to servants and a bed would have absorbed the whole of my weekly guinea. My policy therefore was, if the autumnal air were warm enough, to save this expense of a bed and the chambermaid by sleeping amongst fems or furze upon a hillside ; and perhaps, with a cloak of sufficient weight as well as compass, or an Arab’s burnoose, this would have been no great hardship. But then in the daytime what an oppressive burden to carry ! So perhaps it was as well that I had no cloak at all. I did, however, for some weeks try the plan of carrying a canvas tent manufactured by myself, 20 and not larger than an ordinary umbrella : but to pitch this seciu'ely I found difficult; and on windy nights it became a troublesome companion. As winter drew near, this bivouack¬ ing system became too dangerous to attempt. Still one may bivouack decently, barring rain and wind, up to the end of October. And I counted, on the whole, that in a fortnight I spent nine nights abroad. There are, as perhaps the reader knows by experience, no jaguars in Wales—nor pumas—nor anacondas—nor (generally speaking) any Thugs, What I feared most, but perhaps only through ignorance of zoology, 30 was lest, whilst my sleeping face was upturned to the stars, some one of the many little Brahminical-iooking cows on the Cambrian hills, one or other, might poach her foot into the centre of my face. I do not suppose any fixed hostility of that nature to English faces in Welsh cows : but every¬ where I observe in the feminine mind something of beauti¬ ful caprice, a floral exuberance of that charming wilfulness which characterises our dear human sisters, I fear, through H CONFESSIONS OF 114 all worlds. Against Thugs I had Juvenal’s license, to be careless in the emptiness of my pockets {cantahit vacuus coram latrone viator'). But I fear that Juvenal’s license will not always hold water. There are people bent upon cudgelling one who will persist in excusing one’s having nothing but a bad sliilling in one’s purse, without reading in that Juvenalian vacuitas any privilege or license of exemption from the general fate of travellers that intrude upon the solitude of robbers. 10 Dr. Johnson, upon some occasion which I have forgotten, is represented by his biographers as accounting for an iin- deserving person’s success in these terms ; “ Why, I sup¬ pose that his nonsense suited tlieir nonsense.” Can that be the humiliating solution of my own colloquial success at this time in Carnarvonshire inns ? Do not suggest such a thought, most courteous reader. No matter ; won in what¬ soever way, success is success; and even nonsense, if it is to be victorious nonsense—victorious over the fatal habit of yawning in those who listen, and in some cases over the 20 habit of disputing—must involve a deeper art or more effective secret of power than is easily attained. Nonsense, in fact, is a very difficult thing. Not every seventh son of a seventh son (to use Milton’s words) is equal to the task of keeping and maintaining a company of decent men in orthodox nonsense for a matter of two hours. Come from what fountain it may, all talk that succeeds to the extent of raising a wish to meet the talker again must contain salt; must be seasoned with some flavouring element pungent enough to neutralise the natural tendencies of all 30 mixed conversation, not vigilantly tended, to lose itself in insipidities and platitudes. Above all things, I shunned, as I would shun a pestilence, Coleridge’s capital error, which through life he practised, of keeping the audience in a state of passiveness. Unjust this was to others, but most of all to himself. This eternal stream of talk which never for one instant intermitted, and allowed no momentary oppor¬ tunity of reaction to the persecuted and baited auditor, was absolute ruin to the interests of the talker himself. AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. IIS Always passive, always acted upon, never allowed to react, into what state did the poor afflicted listener—he that played the role of listener—collaj)se? He returned home in the exhausted condition of one that has been drawn up just before death from the bottom of a well occupied by foul gases ; and, of course, hours before he had reached that perilous point of depression, he had lost all power of dis¬ tinguishing, understanding, or connecting. I, for my part, without needing to think of the unamiable arrogance in¬ volved in such a habit, simply on principles of deadliest 10 selfishness, should have avoided thus incapacitating my hearer from doing any justice to the rhetoric or the argument with which I might address him. Some great advantages I had for colloquial purposes, and for engaging the attention of people wiser than myself. Ignorant I was in a degree past all imagination of daily life —even as it exists in England. But, on the other .hand, having the advantage of a prodigious memory, and the far greater advantage of a logical instinct for feeling in a moment the secret analogies or parallelisms that connected things 20 else apparently remote, I enjoyed these two peculiar gifts for conversation : first, an inexhaustible fertility of topics, and therefore of resources for illustrating or for varying any subject that chance or purpose suggested ; secondly, a pre¬ maturely awakened sense of art applied to conversation. I had learned the use of vigilance in evading with civility the approach of wearisome discussions, and in impressing, quietly and oftentimes imperceptibly, a new movement upon dialogues that loitered painfully, or see-sawed, unpro- fitably. That it was one function of art to hide and mask 30 itself (artis est artem cel are), this I well knew. Heither was there much art required. The chief demand was for new facts, or new views, or for views newly-coloured im¬ pressing novelty upon old facts. To throw in a little of the mysterious every now and then was useful, even with those that by temperament were averse to the mysterious ; pointed epigrammatic sayings and jests—even somewhat worn— were useful; a seasonable quotation in verse was always CONFESSIONS OF 116 effective; and illustrative anecdotes diffused a grace over the whole movement of the dialogue. It would have been coxcombry to practise any elaborate or any conspicuous art: few and simple were any artifices that I ever "-employed ; ■ but, being hidden and seasonable, they were often effective. And the whole result was that I became exceedingly popular within my narrow circle of friends. This circle was necessarily a fluctuating one, since it was mainly com¬ posed of tourists that happened to linger for a few weeks in 10 or near Snowdonia, making their headquarters at Bethgellert or Carnarvon, or at the utmost roaming no farther than the foot of Cader Idris. Amongst these fugitive members of our society, I recollect with especial pleasure Mr. De Haren, an accomplished young German, who held, or had held, the commission of lieutenant in our British navy, hut now, in an interval of peace, was seeking to extend his knowledge of England, and also of the English language; though in that, as regarded the fullest command of it colloquially, he had little indeed to learn. ‘20 From him it was that I obtained my first lessons in German and my first acquaintance with German literature. Paul Richter I then first heard of, together with Hippel, a humourist admired by Kant, and Hamann, also classed as a humourist, but a nondescript writer, singularly obscure, whom I have never since seen in the hands of any English¬ man, except once of Sir William Hamilton. With all these writers Mr. De Haren had the means of making me usefully acquainted in the small portable library which filled one of his trunks. 30 But the most stationary members of this semi-literary circle were Welshmen; two of them lawyers, one a clergy¬ man. This last had been regularly educated at Oxford—as a member of Jesus (the Welsh college)—and was a man of extensive information. The lawyers had not enjoyed the same advantages, but they had read diligently, and were interesting companions. Wales, as is pretty well known, breeds a population somewhat htigious. I do not think the worse of them for that. The martial Butlers and the heroic AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 117 Talbots of the fifteenth century, having no regular opening for their warlike fury in the seventeenth century, took to quarrelling with each other j and no letters are more bitter than those which to this day survive from the hostile corre¬ spondence of the brother Talbots contemporary with the last days of Shakspered One channel being closed against their martial propensities, naturally they opened such others as circumstances made available. This temper, widely spread amongst the lower classes of the Welsh, made it a necessity that the lawyers should itinerate on market-days through all 10 the principal towns in their diskicts. In those towns con¬ tinually I met them; and continually we renewed our liter¬ ary friendship. Meantime alternately I sailed upon the high-priced and the low-priced tack. So exceedingly cheap were provisions at that period, when the war taxation of Mr. Pitt was parti¬ ally intermitting, that it was easy beyond measure upon any three weeks’ expenditure, by living with cottagers, to save two guineas out of the three. Mr. De Haren assured me that even in an inn, and not in a poor man’s cottage (but an un- 20 pretending rustic inn, where the mistress of the house took apon herself the functions of every possible servant in turn —cook, waiter, chambermaid, boots, ostler), he had passed a day or two; and for what he considered a really elegant dinner, as regarded everything excejDt the table equipage (that being rude and coarse), he had paid only sixpence. This very inn, about ten or twelve miles south of DolgeUy, I myself visited some time later; and I found Mr. De Haren’s account in all points confirmed : the sole drawback upon the comfort of the visitor being that the fuel was 30 chiefly of green wood, and with a chimney that smoked. I suffered so much under this kind of smoke, which irritates and inflames the eyes more than any other, that on the following day reluctantly I took leave of that obliging pluralist the landlady, and really felt myself blushing on settling the bill, until I bethought me of the green wood, 1 See especially a book written by Sir Egerton Brydges (I forget the title) on the Peerage in the reign of James I. CONFESSIONS OF ii 8 which, upon the whole, seemed to balance the account. I could not then, nor can I now, account for these preposter¬ ously low prices; which same prices, strange to say, ruled (as Wordsworth and his sister often assured me) among the same kind of scenery—amongst the English Lakes—at the very same time. To account for it, as people often do, by alleging the want of markets for agricultural produce, is crazy political economy; since the remedy- for paucity of markets, and consequent failure of competition, is, certainly 10 not to sell at losing rates, hut to forbear producing, and con¬ sequently not to sell at all.^ So cheap in fact were all provisions which one had any ^ Thirteen years later—viz., in the year of Waterloo—happening to walk through the whole Principality from south to north, beginning at Cardiff and ending at Bangor, I turned aside about twenty-five miles to inquire after the health of my excellent hostess, that determined pluralist and intense antipole of all possible sinecurists. I found her cleaning a pair of boots and spurs, and purposing (I rather think) to enter next upon the elegant office of greasing a horse’s heels. In that design, however, she was thwarted for the present by myself and another tourist, who claimed her services in three or four other char¬ acters previously. I inquired after the chimney—was it still smoking ? She seemed surprised that it had ever been suspected of anything criminal; so, as it was not a season for fires, I said no more. But I saw plenty of green wood, and but a small proportion of peats. I fear, therefore, that this, the state-room of the whole concern, still poisons the peace of the unhappy tourists. One personal indemnifica¬ tion, meantime, I must mention which this little guilty room made to me on that same night for all the tears it had caused me to shed. It happened that there was a public dance held at this inn on this very night. I therefore retired early to my bedroom, having had so long a walk, and not wishing to annoy the company, or the excellent land¬ lady, who had, I daresay, to play the fiddle to the dancers. The noise and uproar were almost insupportable; so that I could not sleep at all. At three o’clock all became silent, the company having departed in a body. Suddenly from the little parlour, separated from my bed¬ room overhead by the slightest andimost pervious of ceiliugs, arose with the rising dawn the very sweetest of female voices perhaps that ever I had heard, although for many years an habitue of the opera. She was a stranger ; a visitor from some distance ; and (I was told in the morn¬ ing) a Methodist. What she sang, or at least sang last, were the beautiful verses of Shirley, ending— “ Only the actions of the just Smell sweet, and blossom in the dust. ” This incident caused me to forget and forgive the wicked little chimney. AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EATER. 119 chance of meeting with in a labouring man’s house that I found it difficult under such a roof to spend sixpence a-day. Tea or coffee there was none : and I did not at that period very much care for either. Milk, with bread (coarse, hut more agreeable by much than the insipid wMty-grey bread of towns), potatoes if one wished, and also a little goat’s, or kid’s, flesh—these composed the cottager’s choice of viands; not luxurious, hut palatable enough to a person who took much exercise. And, if one wished, fresh-water fish could be had cheap enough; especially trout of the very finest 10 quality. In these circumstances, I never found it easy to spend even five shillings (no, not three shillings, unless whortleberries or fish had been bought) in one week. And thus it was easy enough to create funds for my periodical transmigrations hack into the character of gentleman-tourist. Even the half of five shillings I could not always find means to spend : for in some families, raised above dependence upon daily wages, when I performed any services in the way of letter-writing, I found it impossible at times to force any money at all upon them. Once, in particular, near the small 20 lake of Talyllyn (so written, I believe, hut pronounced Taltlyn), in a sequestered part of Merionethshire, I was entertained for upwards of three days by a family of young people, with an affectionate and fraternal kindness that left an impression upon my heart not yet impaired. The family consisted, at that time, of four sisters and three brothers, all grown uj), and remarkable for elegance and delicacy of manners. So much beauty, or so much native good breeding and refinement, I do not remember to have seen before or since in any cottage, except once or twice in 30 Westmoreland and Devonshire. They spoke English; an accomplishment not often met with in so many members of one Welsh family, especially in villages remote from the high road. Here I wrote, on my first introduction, a letter about prize-money for one of the brothers, who had served on hoard an English man-of-war ; and, more privately, two letters to sweethearts for two of the sisters. They were both interesting in appearance; and one of 120 CONFESSIONS OF uncommon loveliness. In the midst of their confusion and blushes, whilst dictating, or rather giving me general instructions, it did not require any great penetration to discover that they wished their letters to be as kind as was consistent with proper maidenly reserve. I contrived so to temper my expressions as to reconcile the gratification of both feelings; and they were as much pleased with the way in which I had given expression to their thoughts as (in their simplicity) they were astonished at my having so 10 readily discovered them. The reception one meets with from the women of a family generally determines the tenor of one’s whole entertainment. In this case I had discharged my con¬ fidential duties as secretary so much to the general satisfac¬ tion, perhaps also amusing them with my conversation, that I was pressed to stay; and pressed with a cordiality which I had little inclination to resist. I slept unavoidably with the brothers, the only unoccupied bed standing in the chamber of the young women : but in all other points they treated me with a respect not usually paid to purses as light 20 as mine; making it evident that my scholarship and courteous demeanour were considered sufficient arguments of gentle blood. Thus I lived with them for three days, and great part of a fourth; and, from the undiminished kindness which they continued to show me, I believe that I might have stayed with them up to this time, if their power had corre¬ sponded with their wishes. On the last morning, however, I perceived upon their countenances, as they sat at breakfast, the approach of some unpleasant communication; and soon after one of the brothers explained to me that, on the day 30 before my arrival, their parents had gone to an annual meet¬ ing of Methodists, held at Carnarvon,^ and in the course of ^ At Carnarvon'' :—It was on this occasion that I learned how vague are the ideas of number in unpractised minds. “ What number of people, do you think,” said I to an elderly person, “will be assembled this day at Carnarvon ? ”—“What number?” rejoined the person addressed—“what number? Well, really now, I should reckon—perhaps a matter of four millions.” Four millions of extra people in little Carnarvon, that could barely find accommodation (I should calculate) for an extra four hundred. AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EATER. 121 that day were expected to«return ; “ and, if tliey should not he so civil as they ought to be,” he begged, on the part of all the young people, that I would not take it amiss. The parents returned with churlish faces, and “ Dym Sassenach ” {no English) in answer to all my addresses. I saw how matters stood; and so, taking an affectionate leave of my kind and interesting young hosts, I went my way. For, though they spoke warmly to their parents on my behalf, and often excused the manner of the old people by saying that it was “ only their way,” yet I easily understood that 10 my talent for writing love-letters would do as little to recom¬ mend me with two sexagenarian Welsh Methodists as my Greek Sapphics or Alcaics; and what had been hospitality, when offered with the gracious courtesy of my young friends, would become charity, when connected with the harsh demeanour of their parents. ' About this time—just when it was becoming daily more difficult to eke out the weekly funds for high-priced inns by the bivouacking system—as if some overmastering fiend, some instinct of migration, sorrowful but irresistible, were 20 driving me forth to wander like the unhappy lo of the Grecian mythus, some oestrus of hidden persecution that bade me fly when no man pursued—not in false hope, for my hopes whispered but a doubtful chance—not in reason¬ able fear, for all was sweet pastoral quiet and autumnal beauty around me,—suddeirly I took a fierce resolution to sacrifice my weekly allowance, to slip my anchor, and to throw myself in desperation upon London. Not to make the case more frantic than it really was, let the reader remember what it was that I fouird grievous in my present 30 position, and upon what possibilities it was that I relied for bettering it. With a more extended knowledge of life than T at that tiirre had, it would not have been so hopeless a speculation for a boy having my accomplishments to launch himself on the boundless ocean of London. I possessed attainments that bore a money value. For instance, as a “ Reader ” to the Press in the field of Greek re-publications, I might perhaps have earned a hvelihood. But these 122 CONFESSIONS OF chances, which I really had, nev-er occurred to me in the light of useful resources; or, to speak the truth, they were unknown to me ; and those which I chiefly relied on were most unlikely to prove available. But what, meantime, was it that I complained of in the life that I was at present living ? It was this : the dilemma proposed to my choice was that, if I loould —positively would —have society, I must live at inns. But, if I reconciled my¬ self to a quiet stationary abode in some village or hamlet, in 10 that case for me, so transcendency careless about diet, my weekly guinea would have procured all that I wanted, and in some houses the advantage, quite indispensable to my com¬ fort, of a private sitting-room. Yet even here the expense was most needlessly enhanced by the aristocratic luxurious¬ ness of our English system, which presumes it impossible for a gentleman to sleep in his sitting-room. On this footing, however, I might perhaps have commanded clean and com¬ fortable accommodations in some respectable families, to whom my noiseless habits, and my respectful courtesy to 20 women, would have recommended me as a desirable inmate. But the deadly drawback on this scheme was the utter want of access to books, or (generally speaking) to any intel¬ lectual intercourse. I languished all the day through, and all the week through—with nothing whatever, not so much as the county newspaper once in seven days to relieve my mortal ennui. I have told the reader how inexplicably cheap was the life in poor men’s cottages. But this did not affect the prices at the first-class hotels, where only I had any chance 30 of meeting society. Those, and chiefly on the plea that the season was so brief, charged London prices. To meet such prices, it would no longer be possible, as winter came on, to raise one-half the funds by passing half the time in a less costly mode. There was an end of any feasible plan for interleaving days of hardship with days of ease and intel¬ lectual luxury. Meantime, whilst this perplexity was re¬ sounding in one ear, in the other were continually echoing the kind offers of my Welsh friends, especially the two AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EATER. 123 lawyers, to furnish me with any money which I might think necessary for my visit to London. Twelve guineas, at length, I mentioned as probably enough. This they lent me on the spot. And now, all at once, I was—ready for London. My farewell to the Principality was in the same unassum¬ ing character of pedestrian tourist as that in which I had entered it. Impedimenta of any kind—that is, the encum¬ brances of horse or baggage—I had none even to the last. Where I pleased, and when I pleased, I could call a halt, 10 My last halt of any duration was at Oswestry. Mere accident carried me thither, and accident very naturally in so small a town threw me across the path of the very warmest amongst my Welsh friends, who, as it turned out, resided there. He, by mere coercion of kindness, detained me for several days; for denial he would not take. Being as yet unmarried, he could not vivify the other attractions of his most hospitable abode by the reinforcement of female society. His own, however, coming recommended as it did by the graces of a youthful frankness and a kindling intellect, was 20 all-sufficient for the beguiling of the longest day. This Welsh friend was one of many whom I have crossed in life, chained by early accident or by domestic necessity to the calls of a professional service, whilst all the while his whole nature, wild and refractory, ran headlong into intellectual channels that could not be trained into reconciliation with his hourly duties. His library was already large, and as select as under the ordinary chances of provincial book- collection could be reasonably expected. For generally one- half, at the least, of a young man’s library in a provincial -^0 town may be characterised as a mere dropping or deposition from local accidents, a casual windfall of fruits stripped and strewed by the rough storms of bankruptcy. In many cases, again, such a provincial library will represent simply that part of the heavy baggage which many a family, on removing to some distant quarter, has shrunk from the cost of transporting,—books being amongst the heaviest of household goods. Sometimes also, though more rarely, 124 CONFESSIONS OF it happens that,—an ancient family, dying out, having un¬ avoidably left to executors the duty of selling every chattel attached to its ancient habits of life,—suddenly with meteoric glare there emerges from its hiding-place of centuries some great jewel of literature, a First Folio of the 1623 Shakspere, an uncastrated Decamerone, or other dazzling K€ifLri\iov. And thus it is that a large provincial library, though naturally and peacefully accumulated, yet sometimes shows mute evidence of convulsions and household tragedies; 10 speaks as if by records of storms, and through dim mementoes of half-forgotten shipwrecks. Eeal shipwrecks present often such incoherent libraries on the floors of the hungry sea. Magnificent is the library that sleeps unvexed by criticism at the bottom of the ocean, Indian or Atlantic, from the mere annual contributions and keepsakes, the never-ending Forget- me-nots, of mighty English Indiamen. The Halsewell, with its sad parting between the captain and his daughters, the Grosvenor, the Winterton, the Abergavenny, and scores of vessels on the same scale, with populations varying by 20 births, deaths, and marriages, populations large as cities, and rich as gold mines, capable of factions and rebellions, all and each have liberally patronised, by the gift of many Large- Paper copies, that vast submarine Bodleian, which stands in far less risk from fire than the insolent Bodleian of the upper world. This private Oswestry library wore something of the same wild tumultuary aspect, fantastic and disordinate, but was not for that reason the less attractive; everything was there that you never expected to meet anywhere, but certainly not to meet in company; so that, what between the library 30 and the mercurial conversation of its proprietor, elated by the rare advantage of fraternal sympathy, I was in danger of finding attractions strong enough to lay me asleep over the proprieties of the case, or even to set me a-dreaming over imaginary cases. In fact, I had some excuse for doing so; since I knew very imperfectly the common routine of my friend’s life; and, from Ms lofty Castilian sense of the obligations imposed by the great goddess Hospitality, I never should have been suffered to guess at the extent in which I AJV ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 125 was now gradually and unconsciously coming daily into collision with the regular calls upon his time. To ride off, under mask of “ business,” upon a circuit of a week, would, in his eyes, have iDeen virtually, as regards the result,— meanly and evasively, as regards the mode,—to turn me out of his house. He would sooner have died. But in the mean¬ time an accident, which revealed to me the true state of things, or at least revealed a suspicion of it, all at once armed my sense of delicacy against any further lingering. Suddenly and peremptorily I announced my departure— that, and the 10 mode of it. For a long time he fought with unaffected zeal against my purpose, as nowise essential to his own free action. But at last, seeing that I was in earnest, he forbore to oppose my plan, contenting himself with guiding and improving its details. My plan had been to walk over the border into England, as far as Shrewsbury (distant from Oswestry, I think, about eighteen miles), and there to ascend any of the heavy stages which would convey me cheaply to Birmingham —the grand focus to which all the routes of England in its main central area converge. Any such plan moved on the 20 assumption that rain would be falling steadily and heavily— a reasonable assumption at the close of November. But, in the possible event of fair weather lasting over four or five days, what should prevent me from traversing the whole distance on foot h It is true that the aristocratic scowl of the landlord might be looked for as a customary salutation at the close of each day’s journey ; but, unless at solitary posting-houses, this criminal fact of having advanced by base pedestrian methods, known only to patriarchs of older days and to modern “ trarri'ps ” (so they are called in solemn acts 30 of Parliament), is easily expiated and cleansed by distributing your dust, should you fortunately have any to show, amongst the streets that you have invaded as a stranger. Happily the scandal of pedestrianism is in one respect more hopefully situated than that of scrofula or leprosy ; it is not in any case written in your face. The man who is guilty of pedes¬ trianism, on entering any town whatever, by the simple artifice of diving into the crowds of those untainted by that 126 CONFESSIONS OF guilt, will emerge, for all practical purposes, washed and re¬ baptized. The landlord, indeed, of any one inn knows that you did not reach him on horseback, or in a carriage; but you may have been visiting for weeks at the house of some distinguished citizen, whom it might be dangerous to offend; and you may even be favourably known at some other inn. Else, as a general imputation, undoubtedly pedestrianism, in the estimate of English landlords, carries with it the most awful shadow and shibboleth of the pariah. My Welsh 10 friend knew this, and strongly urged me to take advantage of the public carriages, both on that motive and others. A journey of a hundred and eighty miles, as a pedestrian, would cost me nine or ten days ; for which extent the mere amount of expenses at inns would more than defray the fare of the dearest carriage. To this there was no sound reply, except that corresponding expenses would arise, at any rate, on these nine or ten days, wherever I might be—in London, or on the road. However, as it seemed ungracious to offer too obstinate a resistance to suggestions prompted so entirely by considera- 20 tion for my own comfort, I submitted to my friend’s plan in all its details; one being that I should go by the Holyhead Mail, and not by any of the heavy coaches. This stipulation pointed to a novel feature in the machinery of travelling just then emerging. The light coaches charged almost mail prices. But the heavy coaches were at that time beginning to assume a new and dreadful form. Locomotion was so prodigiously on the increase that, in order to meet its demands, the old form of coach (carrying at most six insides) was exchanging itself, on all great roads, for a long, boat- 30 like vehicle, very much resembling our modern detestable omnibus, but without our modern improvements. This carriage was called a “ long coach ,and the passengers, twelve or fourteen insides, sat along the sides; and, as ventilation was little regarded in those day.s—the very existence of an atmosphere being usually ignored—it fol¬ lowed that the horrors of Governor Holwell’s black cage at Calcutta were every night repeated, in smaller proportions, upon every great English road. It Avas finally agreed that AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 127 I should leave Oswestry on foot, simply with a view to the best enjoyment of the lovely weather; but that, as the mail passed through Oswestry, my friend should secure a place for me the whole way to London, so as to shut out competitors. The day on which I left Oswestry (convoyed for nearly five miles by my warmhearted friend) was a day of golden sunshine amongst the closing days of November. As truly as Jessica’s moonlight (“Merchant of Venice”), this golden sunshine might be said to sleep upon the woods and the 10 fields; so awful was the universal silence, so profound the death-like stillness. It was a day belonging to a brief and pathetic season of farewell summer resurrection, which, under one name or other, is known almost everywhere. In North America it is called the “ Indian Summer.” In North Germany and Midland Germany it is called the “ Old Wives’ Summer,” and more rarely the “ Girls’ Summer.” It is that last brief resurrection of summer in its most brilliant memorials, a resurrection that has no root in the past nor steady hold upon the future, like the lambent and fitful 20 gleams from an expiring lamp, mimicking what is called the “ lightning before death ” in sick patients, when close upon their end. There is the feeling of a conflict that has been going on between the lingering powers of summer and the strengthening powers of winter, not unlike that which moves by antagonist forces in some deadly inflammation hurrying forwards through fierce struggles into the final repose of mortification. For a time the equilibrium has been maintained between the hostile forces; but at last the antagonism is overthrown; the victory is accomplished for 30 the powers that fight on the side of death; simultaneously with the conflict, the pain of conflict has departed : and thenceforward the gentle process of collapsing life, no longer fretted by counter-movements, slips away with holy peace into the noiseless deeps of the Infinite. So sweet, so ghostly, in its soft, golden smiles, silent as a dream, and quiet as the dying trance of a saint, faded through all its stages this departing day, along the whole length of which I bade fare- 128 CONFESSIONS OF well for many a year to Wales, and farewell to summer. In the very aspect and the sepulchral stillness of the motionless day, as solemnly it wore away through morning, noontide, afternoon, to meet the darkness that was hurrying to swallow up its beauty, I had a fantastic feeling as though I read the very language of resignation when bending before some irresistible agency. And at intervals I heard—in how different a key!—the raving, the everlasting uproar, of that dreadful metropolis which at every step was coming nearer, 10 and beckoning (as it seemed) to myself for purposes as dim, for issues as incalculable, as the path of cannon-shots fired at random and in darkness. It was not late, hut it was at least two hours after night¬ fall, when I reached Shrewsbury. Was I not liable to the suspicion of pedestrianism ? Certainly I was : hut, even if my criminality had been more unequivocally attested than it could he under the circumstances, still there is a locus peni- tentice in such a case. Surely a man may repent of any crime; and therefore of pedestrianism. I might have 20 erred; and a court of pie poudre (dusty foot) might have found the evidences of my crime on my shoes. Yet secretly I might he forming good resolutions to do so no more. Certainly it looked like this, when I announced myself as a passenger “ hooked ” for that night’s mail. This character at once installed me as rightfully a guest of the inn, however profligate a life I might have previously led as a pedestrian. Accordingly I was received with special courtesy; and it so happened that I was received with something even like pomp. Four wax-lights carried before me by obedient 30 mutes, these were hut ordinary honours, meant (as old experience had instructed me) for the first engineering step towards effecting a lodgment upon the stranger’s purse. In fact the wax-lights are used by innkeepers, both abroad and at home, to “ try the range of their guns.” If the stranger submits quietly, as a good anti-pedestrian ought surely to do, and fires no counter-gun by way of protest, then he is recognised at once as passively within range, and amenable to orders. I have always looked upon this fine AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 129 of live or seven shillings (for wax that you do not absolutely need) as a sort of inaugural honorarium, entrance-money,— what in jails used to be known as smart money,—proclaim¬ ing me to be a man comme il faut ; and no toll in this world of tolls do I pay so cheerfully. This, meantime, as I have said, was too customary a form to confer much dis¬ tinction. The wax-lights, to use the magnificent Grecian phrase iTro/xTreve, moved pompously before me, as the holy —holy fire, the inextinguishable fire and its golden hearth, moved before Csesar semper Augustus, when he made his 10 official or ceremonial avatai'S, Yet still this moved along the ordinary channels of glorification; it rolled along ancient grooves: I might say, indeed, like one of the twelve Csesars when dying, Ut puto, Deus fio (It’s my private opinion that at this very moment I am turning into a god); but still the metamorphosis was not complete. That was accomplished when I stepped into the sumptuous room allotted to me. It was a ball-room^ of noble propor¬ tions—lighted, if I chose to issue orders, by three gorgeous chandeliers, not basely wrapped up in paper, hut sparkling 20 through all their thickets of crystal branches, and flashing back the soft rays of my tall waxen lights. There were, moreover, two orchestras, which money would have filled within thirty minutes. And, upon the whole, one thing only was wanting—viz., a throne—for the completion of my apotheosis. It might be seven p.m. when first I entered upon my kingdom. About three hours later I rose from my chair, and with considerable interest looked out into the night. For nearly two hours I had heard fierce winds arising; and 30 the whole atmosphere had, by this time, become one vast laboratory of hostile movements in all directions. Such a chaos, such a distracting wilderness of dim sights, and of 1 '‘It was a hall-room” : —Tlie explanation of the case was simply that the hotel was under some extensive ])rocess of purification, adornment, and, I believe, extemsion ; and, under the accident of being myself on that particular night the sole visitor of the liouse, I slipped unavoidably into the honours of a semi-regal reception. I CONFESSTOjVS of 130 those awful “sounds that live in darkness” (Wordsworth’s “ Excursion ”), never had I consciously witnessed. Rightly, and by a true instinct, had I made my farewell adieus to summer. All through the day, Wales and her grand moun¬ tain ranges—Penmaenmawr, Snowdon, Cader Idris—had divided my thoughts with London. But now rose London —sole, dark, infinite—brooding over the whole capacities of my heart. Other object, other thought, I could not admit. Long before midnight the whole household (with 10 the exception of a solitary waiter) had retired to rest. Two hours, at least, v’ere left to me, after twelve o’clock had struck, for heart-shaking reflections. More than ever I stood upon the brink of a precipice; and the local circum¬ stances around me deepened and intensified these reflections, impressed upon them solemnity and terror, sometimes even horror. It is all but inconceivable to men of unyielding and callous sensibilities how profoundly others find their reveries modified and overruled by the external characters of the immediate scene around them. Many a suicide that 20 hung dubiously in the balances has been ratified, and carried into summary effect, through the forlorn, soul-revolting aspect of a crazy, dilapidated home. Oftentimes, without extravagance, the whole difference between a mind that spurns life and the same mind reconciled to life turns upon the outside features of that particular domestic scenery Avhich hourly besieges the eyes. I, in this Shrewsbury hotel, naturally contemplated a group of objects tending to far different results. And yet in some respects they agreed. The unusual dimensions of the rooms, especially their 30 towering height, brought up continually and obstinately, through natural links of associated feelings or images, the mighty vision of London waiting for me afar off. An alti¬ tude of nineteen or twenty feet showed itself unavoidably upon an exaggerated scale in some of the smaller side-rooms, meant probably for cards or for refreshments. This single feature of the rooms—their unusual altitude, and the echo¬ ing holloAvness which had become the exponent of that altitude—this one terrific feature (for terrific it was in the AN ENGLISH OPIUILEATER. effect), together with crowding and evanescent images of the flying feet that so often had spread gladness throngli these halls on the wings of yonth and hope at seasons when every room rang with music : all this, rising in tumultuous vision, whilst the dead hours of night were stealing along,—all around me, household and town, sleeping,—and whilst against the windows more and more the storm outside was j raving, and to all appearance endlessly growing,—threw me into the deadliest condition of nervous emotion xuider contradictory forces, high over which predominated horror recoiling from the unfathomed ahyss in London into which I was now so wilfully precipitating myself. Often I looked out and examined the night. Wild it was beyond all description, and dark as “ the inside of a wolf’s throat.” But at intervals, when the wind, shifting continually, swe^xt in such a direction as to clear away the vast curtain of vapour, the stars shone out, though with a light unusually dim and distant. Still, as I turned inwards to the echoing chambers, or outwards to the wild, wild night, I saw London expanding her visionary gates to receive me, like some dreadful mouth of Acheron (^Aclierontis avari). Thou also. Whispering Gallery! once again in those moments of conscious and wilful desolation didst to my ear utter monitorial sighs. For once again I was preparing to utter an irrevocable word, to enter upon one of those fatally tortuous paths of which the windings can never he unlinked. Such thoughts, and visions without number correspond¬ ing to them, were moving across the camera ohscnra of my fermenting fancy, when suddenly I heard a sound of wheels; which, however, soon died off into some remote quarter. I guessed at the truth—viz., that it was the Holyhead Mail ^ 10 ■20 .30 1 The Holyhead depending in its earliest stages upon winds and waters (though not upon tides), could not realise the same ex¬ quisite accuracy as mails that moved exclusively upon land. Sixty miles of watery transit between Dublin and Holyhead were ])erroi’med with miraculous precision. The packets were intrusted by the General Post-office to none but post-captains, who had commanded frigates. And the salaries were so high as to make these commands confessedly prizes in nautical life, and objects of keen conqietition. No evil, therefore, which care, foresight, and professional skill could 132 CONFESSIONS OF wheeling off on its primary duty of delivering its bags at the post-office. In a few minutes it was announced as having changed horses; and off I was to London. All the mails in the kingdom, with one solitary excep¬ tion (that of Liverpool), in those days, were so arranged as to reach London early in the morning. Between the hours of four and six a.m., one after the other, according to their station upon the roll, all the mails from the ^[orth], the E[ast], the W[est], the S[outh]—whence, according to some 10 curious etymologists, comes the magical word NEWS — drove up successively to the post-office, and rendered up their heart-shaking budgets; none earlier than four o’clock, none later than six. I am speaking of days when all things moved slowly. The condition of the roads was then such that, in order to face it, a corresponding build of coaehes hyperbolically massive was rendered necessary : the mails were upon principle made so strong as to be the heaviest of all carriages known to the wit or the experience of man ; and, from these joint evils of - ponderous coaches and roads 20 that were quagmires, it was impossible for even the picked breed of English coach-horses, all bone and blood, to carry forward their huge tonnage at a greater rate than six-and-a- half miles an hour. Consequently, it cost eight-and-twenty massy hours for us, leaving Shrewsbury at two o’clock in the dead of night, to reach the General Post-office, and faithfully to deposit upon the threshing-floors of Lombard Street all that weight of love and hatred which Ireland had found herself able to muster through twenty-four hours in the great depot of Dublin, by way of donation to England. 30 On reflection, I have done myself some injustice. Hot altogether without a plan had I been from the first; and in eoming along I had matured it. kly success in such a plan remedy, was suffered to exist. Yet, after all, baffling winds would now and then (especially in three or four weeks a/(e7- the equinox) make it impossible for the very ablest man, under tlie total defect of steam resources, to keep his time. Six hours, I believe, were allowed by the Post-offlce for the sixty miles ; but at times this must have proved a very inadequate allowance. AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 133 would turn upon my cliance of borrowing on personal security. £200, without counting any interest upon it, would subdivide into four sums of £50. JN'ow, what inter¬ val was it that divided me from my majority ? Simply an interval of four years. London, I knew or believed, was the dearest of all cities for three items of expenditure : (1) servants’ wages; (2) lodgings ; ^ (3) dairy produce. In other things, London -was often cheaper than most towns. Now, in a London street, having no pretensions beyond those of decent respectability, it has always been possible 10 for the last half-century to obtain two furnished rooms at a weekly cost of half-a-guinea. This sum (or say £25) de¬ ducted would leave me annually about the same sum for my other expenses. Too certainly I knew that this would suffice. If, therefore, I could obtain the £200, my plan was to withdraw from the knowledge of all my connexions until I should become mei juris by course of law. In such a case, it is true that I must have waived all the advantages, fancied or real, small or great, from residence at a uni¬ versity. But, as in fact I never drew the slightest advan- -zQ tage or emolument from any university, my scheme when realised would have landed me in the same point which tinally I attained by its failure. The plan was simple enough, but it rested on the assumption that I could melt the obdmacy of money-lenders. On this point I had both hopes and fears. But more irritating than either was the delay which eventually I came to recognise as an essential element in the policy of all money-lenders : in that way only can they raise up such claims on behalf of their law- agents as may be fitted for sustaining their zeal. 30 ^ Not universally. Glasgow, if you travel from Hammerfest southwards (that is, from the northernmost point of Norway, or Swedish Lapland, traversing all latitudes of Europe to Gibraltar on the west, or Naples on the east), is the one dearest place for lodgings known to man, A decent lodging for a single person, in Edinburgh which could be had readily for half-a-guinea a-week, will in Glasgow cost a guinea. Glasgow, except as to servants, is a dearer abode than Loudon. 134 CONFESSIONS OF I lost no time in opening the business which had brought me to London. By ten a.m., an hour when all men of business are presumed to be at their posts, personally or by proxy, I presented myself at the money-lender’s office. My name was already known there : for I had, by letters from Wales, containing very plain and very accurate statements of my position in life and mj'- pecuniary exjoectations (some of which statements it afterwards apjDcared that he had per¬ sonally investigated and verified), endeavoured to win his 10 favourable attention. The money-lender, as it turned out, had one fixed rule of action. He never granted a personal interview to any man ; no, not to the most beloved of his clients. One and all—myself, therefore, among the crowd—he referred for information, and for the means of prosecuting any kind of negotiation, to an attorney, who called himself, on most days of the week, by the name of Brunell, but occasionally (might it perhaps be on red-letter days'?) by the more common name of Brown. Mr. Brunell-Brown, or Brown- 20 Brunell, had located his hearth (if ever he had possessed one), and his household gods (when they were not in the custody of the sheriff), in Greek Street, Soho. The house was not in itself, supposing that its face had been washed now and then, at all disrespectable. But it wore an un¬ happy countenance of gloom and unsocial fretfulness, due in reality to the long neglect of painting, cleansing, and in some instances of repairing. There were, however, no frac¬ tured panes of glass in the windows; and the deep silence which invested the house, not only from the absence of all 30 visitors, but also of those common household functionaries, bakers, butchers, beer-carriers, sufficiently accounted for the desolation, by suggesting an excuse not strictly true—viz., that it might be tenantless. The house already had tenants through the day, though of a noiseless order, and was destined soon to increase them. Mr. Brown-Brunell, after reconnoitring me through a narrow side-window (such as is often attached to front-doors in London), admitted me cheerfully, and conducted me, as an AJV ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 135 honoured guest, to his private officina diiAomatum at the back of tlie house. From the expression of his face, but much more from the contradictory and self-counteracting play of his features, you gathered in a moment that he was a man who had much to conceal, and much, perhaps, that he would gladly forget. His eye expressed wariness against surprise, and passed in a moment into irrepressible glances of suspicion and alarm. Ho smile that ever his face naturally assumed but was pulled short up by some freezing counteraction, or was chased by some close-following expression of sadness. 10 One feature there was of relenting goodness and nobleness in Mr. BruneH’s character, to which it was that subsequently I myself was most profoundly indebted for an asylum that saved my life. He had the deepest, the most liberal, and unaffected love of knowledge, but, above all, of that specific knowledge which we call literature. His owui stormy (and no doubt oftentimes disgraceful) career in life, that had en¬ tangled him in perpetual feuds with his fellow-men, he ascribed, with bitter imprecations, to the sudden interruption of his studies consequent upon his father’s violent death, and 20 to the necessity which threw him, at a boyish age, upon a professional life in the lower branches of law—threw him, therefore, upon daily temptations, by surrounding him with opportunities for taking advantages not strictly honourable, before he had formed any fixed principles at all. From the very first, Mr. Brunell had entered zealously into such con¬ versations Avith myself as either gave openings for reviving his own delightful remembrances of classic authors, or brought up sometimes doubts for solution, sometimes perplexities and cases of intricate construction for illustration and disentangle- 30 ment. Hunger-bitten as the house and the household genius seemed, Avearing the legend of Famine upon every mantel¬ piece and “ coigne of vantage,” and vehemently protesting, as it must have done through all its echoes, against the introduction of supernumerary mouths, nevertheless there Avas (and, I suppose, of necessity) a clerk, Avho bore the name of Pyment, or Pyemont, then first of all, then last of all, made 136 CONFESSIONS OF known to me as a possible surname. Mr. Pyment had no alias —or not to my knowledge—except, indeed, in the vituperative vocabulary of Mr. Brunell; in which most variegated nomenclature he bore many scores of opprobrious names, having no reference whatever to any real habits of the man, good or bad. At two rooms’ distance, Mr. Brunell always assumed a minute and circumstantial knowledge of what Pyment was doing then, and what he was going to do next. All which Pyment gave himself little trouble to 10 answer, unless it happened (as now and then it did) that he could do so with ludicrous effect. What made the necessity for Pyment was the continual call for “ an appearance ” to be put in at some of the subordinate courts in Westminster —courts of conscience, sheriff courts, &c. But it happens often that he who is most indispensable, and gets through most work at one hour, becomes a useless burden at another; as the hardest working reajDer seems, in the eyes of an ignor¬ amus, on a wet, wintry day, to be a luxurious idler. Of these ups and downs in Pyment’s working life Mr. Brunell 20 made a most cynical use ; making out that Pyment not only did nothing, but also that he created much work for the afflicted Brunei!. However, it happened occasionally that the truth vindicated itself, by making a call upon Pynient’s physics—aggressive or defensive—that needed an instant attention. “ Pyment, I say ; this way, Pyment—you’re wanted, Pyment.” In fact, both were big, hulking men, and had need to be so ; for sometimes, whether with good reason or none, clients at the end of a losing suit, or of a suit nominally gained, but unexpectedly laden with 30 heavy expenses, became refractory, showed fight, and gave Pyment reason for saying that at least on this day he had earned his salary by serving an ejectment on a client whom on any other plan it might have been hard to settle with. But I am anticipating. I go back, therefore, for a few explanatory words, to the day of my arrival in London. How beneficial to me would a little candour have been at that early period ! If (which was the simple truth, known AN ENGLISH OPIUI/-EA TEE. 137 to all parties but myself) I had been told that nothing would be brought to a close in less than six montlis, even assuming the ultimate adoption of my proposals, I should from the first have dismissed all hopes of this nature, as being unsuited to the practicabilities of my situation. It will be seen further on that there was a real and sincere intention of advancing the money wanted. But it was then too late. And universally I believe myself entitled to say that even honourable lawyers will not in a case of this nature move at a faster pace : they will all alike loiter upon 1C varied allegations through six months; and for this reason, —that any shorter period, they fancy, will hardly seem to justify, in the eyes of their client, the sum which they find themselves entitled to charge for their trouble and their jore- liniinary correspondence. How much better for both sides, and more honourable, as more frank and free from disguises, that the client should say, “ Eaise this sum ” (of, suppose, £400) “ in three weeks,—which can be done, if it can be done in three years ; and here is a bonus of £100. Delay for two months, and I decline the whole transaction.” Treated 20 with that sort of openness, how much bodily suffering of an extreme order, and how much of the sickness from hope deferred, should I have escaped! Whereas, under the system (pursued with me as with all clients) of continually refreshing my hopes with new delusions, whiling me on with pretended preparation of deeds, and extorting from me, out of every little remittance I received from old family friends casually met in London, as much as possible for the purchase of imaginary stamps, the result was that I myself was brought to the brink of destruction through pure inanition ; 30 whilst, on the other hand, those concerned in tliese deceptions gained nothing that might not have been gained honourably and rightfully under a system of plain dealing. As it was, subject to these eternal deceptions, I continued for seven or eight weeks to live most parsimoniously in lodgings. These lodgings, though barely decent in my eyes, ran away with at the least two-thirds of my remaining guineas. At length, whilst it was yet possible to reserve a CONFESSIONS OF 138 solitary half-guinea towards the more urgent interest of find¬ ing daily food, I gave up my rooms, and, stating exactly the circumstances in which I stood, requested permission of Mr. Brunell to make use of his large house as a nightly asylum from the open air. Parliament had not then made it a crime, next door to a felony, for a man to sleep out-of- doors (as some twenty years later was done by our benign legislators) ; as yet that was no crime. By the law I came to know sin, and, looking hack to the Cambrian hills from 10 distant years, discovered to my surprise what a parliamentary wretch I had been in elder days, when I slept amongst coAvs on the open hill-sides. Lawful as yet this was; but not, therefore, less full of misery, l^aturally, then, I was delighted when Mr. Brunell not only most readily assented to my request, hut begged of me to come that very night, and turn the house to account as fully as I possibly could. The cheerfulness of such a concession brought with it one drawback, I now regretted that I had not, at a much earlier period, applied for this liberty; since I might thus have •20 saved a considerable fund of guineas, applicable, of course, to all urgent necessities, hut at this particular moment to one of clamorous urgency—'Viz., the purchase of blankets. O ancient women, daughters of toil and suffering, amongst all the hardships and hitter inheritances of flesh that ye are called upon to face, not one—not even hunger—seems in my eyes comparable to that of nightly cold. To seek a refuge from cold in bed, and then, from the thin, gauzy texture of the miserable, worn-out blankets, “ not to sleep a wink,” as Wordsworth records of poor old women in Dorsetshire, where 30 coals, from local causes, were at the very dearest—what a terrific enemy was that for poor old grandmothers to face in fight! Hoav feelingly I learned at this time, as heretofore I had learned on the wild hill-sides in Wales, what an unspeak¬ able blessing is that of warmth ! A more killing curse there does not exist for man or woman than that bitter combat between the Aveariness that prompts sleep and the keen, searching cold that forces you from the first access of sleep to start up horror-stricken, and to seek warmth vainly in AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EATER. 139 renewed exercise, though long since fainting under fatigue. However, even without blankets, it was a fine thing to have an asylum from the open air, and to be assured of this asylum as long as I was likely to want it. Towards nightfall I went down to Greek Street, and found, on taking possession of my new quarters, that the house already contained one single inmate,—a poor, friend¬ less child, apparently ten years old; hut she seemed hunger- bitten ; and sufferings of that sort often make children look older than they are. From this forlorn child I learned that 10 she had slept and lived there alone for some time before I came; and great joy the poor creature expressed when she found that I was in future to be her companion through the hours of darkness. The house could hardly be called large-—that is, it was not large on each separate storey; but, having four storeys in all, it was large enough to im¬ press vividly the sense of its echoing loneliness; and, from the want of furniture, the noise of the rats made a pro¬ digious uproar on the staircase and hall; so that, amidst the real fleshly ills of cold and hunger, the forsaken child 20 had found leisure to suffer still more from the self-created one of ghosts. Against these enemies I could promise her protection; human companionship was in itself protection; but of other and more needful aid I had, alas ! little to offer. We lay upon the floor, with a bundle of law-papers for a pillow, but with no other covering than a large horse¬ man’s cloak; afterwards, however, we discovered in a garret an old sofa-cover, a small piece of rug, and some fragments of other articles, which added a little to our comfort. The poor child crept close to me for warmth, and for security 30 against her ghostly enemies. When I was not more than usually ill, I took her into my arms, so that, in general, she was tolerably warm, and often slept when 1 could not; for, during the last two months of my sufferings, I slept much in the daytime, and was apt to fall into transient dozings at all hours. But my sleep distressed me more than my watching; for, besides the tumultuousness of my dreams (which were only not so awful as those which I shall have 140 CONFESSIONS OF hereafter to describe as produced by opium), my sleep was never more than what is called dog-sleep; so that I could hear myself moaning ; and very often I was awakened sud¬ denly by my own voice. About this time, a hideous sensa¬ tion began to haunt me as soon as I fell into a slumber, which has since returned upon me, at different periods of my life—viz., a sort of twitching (I knew not where, but apparently about the region of the stomach), which com¬ pelled me violently to throw out my feet for the sake of re- 10 lieving it. This sensation coming on as soon as I began to sleep, and the effort to relieve it constantly awaking me, at length I slept only from exhaustion •, and, through increas¬ ing weakness (as I said before), I was constantly falliiig asleep and constantly awaking. Too generally the very attainment of any deep repose seemed as if mechanically linked to some fatal necessity of self-interruption. It was as though a cup were gradually filled by the sleepy over¬ flow of some natural fountain, the fulness of the cup expressing symbolically the completeness of the rest: but 20 then, in the next stage of the process, it seemed as though the rush and torrent-like babbling of the redundant waters, when running over from every part of the cup, interrupted the slumber which in their earlier stage of silent gathering they had so naturally produced. Such and so regular in its swell and its collapse—in its tardy growth and its violent dispersion—did this endless alternation of stealthy sleep and stormy awaking travel through stages as natural as the increments of twilight, or the kindlings of the dawn ; no rest that was not a prologue to terror; no sweet tremulous 30 pulses of restoration that did not suddenly explode through rolling clamours of fiery disruption. Meantime, the master of the house sometimes came in upon us suddenly, and very early; sometimes not till ten o’clock; sometimes not at all. He was in constant fear of arrest. Improving on the plan of Cromwell, every night he slept in a different quarter of London; and I observed that he never failed to examine, through a private window, the appearance of those who knocked at the door. AA^ ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 141 before he would allow it to be opened. He breakfasted alone; indeed, his tea equipage would hardly have ad¬ mitted of his hazarding an invitation to a second person, any more than the quantity of esculent material, which, for the most part, was little more than a roll, or a few biscuits, purchased on his road from the place where he had slept. Or, if he had asked a party, as I once learnedly observed to him, the several members of it must have stood in the relation to each other (not sat in any relation whatever) of succession, and not of co-existence; in the relation of jjarts 10 of time, and not of the parts of space. During his break¬ fast, I generally contrived a reason for lounging in ; and, with an air of as much indifference as I could assume, took up such fragments as might chance to remain; sometimes, indeed, none at all remained. In doing this, I committed no robbery, except upon Mr. Brunell himself, who was thus obliged, now and then, to send out at noon for an extra biscuit; but he, through channels subse¬ quently explained, was repaid a thousand-fold j and, as to the poor child, she was never admitted into his study (if I 20 may give that name to his chief depository of parchments, law-writings, &c.); that room was to her the Bluebeard room of the house, being regularly locked on his departure to dinner, about six o’clock, which usually was his final departure for the day. Whether this child was an illegiti¬ mate daughter of Mr. Brunell, or only a servant, I could not ascertain ; she did not herself know ; but certainly she was treated altogether as a menial servant. No sooner did Mr. Brunell make his appearance than she went below- stairs, brushed his shoes, coat, &c.; and, except when she 30 was summoned to run upon some errand, she never emerged from the dismal Tartarus of the kitchens to the upper air until my welcome knock towards nightfall called up her little trembling footsteps to the front-door. Of her life during the daytime, however, I knew little but what I gathered from her own account at night; for, as soon as the hours of business commenced, I saw that my absence would be acceptable; and, in general, therefore, I Avent 142 CONFESSIONS OF off and sat in the parks or else\vhere until the approach of twilight. But who, and what, meantime, was the master of the house himself 1 Reader, he was one of those anomalous practitioners in lower departments of the law who, on prudential reasons, or from necessity, deny themselves all indulgence in the luxury of too delicate a conscience. In many walks of life a conscience is a more expensive en¬ cumbrance than a wife or a carriage; and, as people talk of 10 “ laying down ” their carriages, so I suppose my friend Mr. Brunell had “ laid down ” his conscience for a time ; meaning, doubtless, to resume it as soon as he could afford it. He was an advertising attorney, who continually notified to the public, through the morning papers, that he undertook to raise loans for approved parties in what would gen¬ erally be regarded as desperate cases—viz., where there was nothing better than personal security to offer. But, as he took good care to ascertain that there were ample funds in reversion to be counted on, or near connexions 20 that would not suffer the family name to be dishonoured, and as he insured the borrower’s life over a sufficient period, the risk was not great; and even of this the whole rested upon the actual money-lender, who stood aloof in the background, and never revealed himself to clients in his proper person, transacting all affairs through his proxies learned in the law,—Mr. Brunell or others. The inner economy of such a man’s daily life worrld present a monstrous picture. Even with my limited opportunities for observing what went on, I saw scenes of intrigue and complex chicanery at which I some- 30 times smile to this day, and at which I smiled then in spite of my misery. My situation, however, at that time, gave me little experience, in my own person, of any qualities in Mr. Brunell’s character but such as did him honour; and of his whole strange composition I ought to forget every¬ thing, but that towards me he was obliging, and, to the extent of his power, generous. That power was not, indeed, very extensive. However, in common with the rats, I sat rent free; and, as Dr. AN ENGLISH OLIUM-RA TER. 143 Johnson has recorded that he never hut once in his life had as much wall-fruit as he wished, so let me he grateful that, on that single occasion, I had as large a clioice of rooms, or even of apartments, in a London mansion—viz., as I am now at liberty to add, at the north-west corner of Greek Street, being the house on that side the street nearest to Soho Square—as I could possibly desire. Except the Bluebeard room, which the poor child believed to he permanently haunted, and which, besides, was locked, all others, from the attics to the cellars, were at our service. 10 “ The world was all before us,” and we pitched our tent for the night in any spot we might fancy. This house I have described as roomy and respectable. It stands in a conspicuous situation, and in a well-known part of London. Many of my readers will have passed it, I doubt not, within a few hours of reading this. Eor myself, I never fail to visit it when accident draws me to London. Aboiit ten o’clock this very night (Aiigust 15, 1821, being my birthday), I turned aside from my evening- walk along Oxford Street, in order to take a glance at it. 20 It is now in the occupation of some family, apparently respectable. The windows are no longer coated by a paste composed of ancient soot and superannuated rain ; and the whole exterior no longer wears an aspect of gloom. By the lights in the front drawing-room, I observed a dome.stic party, assembled, perhaps, at tea, and apparently cheerful and gay—marvellous contrast, in my eyes, to the darkness, cold, silence, and desolation, of that same house nineteen years ago, when its nightly occupants were one famishing scholar and a poor, neglected child. Her, by the bye, in 30 after years, I vainly endeavoured to trace. Apart from her situation, she was not what would be called an interesting- child. She was neither pretty, nor quick in understanding, nor remarkably pleasing in manners. But, thank God ! even in those years I needed not the embellishments of elegant accessories to conciliate my affections. Plain human nature, in its humblest and most homely apparel, was enough for me; and I loved the child because she was f44 CONFESSIONS OF niy partner in wretchedness. If she is now living, she is probably a mother, with children of her own; but, as I have said, I could never trace her. This I regret; but another person there was, at that time, whom I have since sought to trace with far deeper earnest¬ ness, and with far deeper sorrow at my failure. This person was a young woman, and one of that unhappy class who belong to the outcasts and pariahs of our female popula¬ tion. I feel no shame, nor have any reason to feel it, in 10 avowing that I was then on familiar and friendly terms with many women in that unfortunate condition. Smile not, reader too carelessly facile ! Frown not, reader too un¬ seasonably austere ! Little call was there here either for smiles or frowns. A penniless schoolboy could not he supposed to stand within the range of such temptations; besides that, according to the ancient Latin proverb, “ sine Gerere et Baccho,'^ &c. These unhappy women, to me, were simply sisters in calamity; and sisters amongst whom, in as large measure as amongst any other equal number of 20 persons commanding more of the world’s respect, were to he found humanity, disinterested generosity, courage that would not falter in defence of the heljFess, and fidelity that would have scorned to take bribes for betraying. But the truth is that at no time of my life have I been a person to hold myself polluted by the touch or approach of any creature that wore a human shape. I cannot suppose, I will not believe, that any creatures wearing the form of man or woman are so absolutely rejected and reprobate outcasts that merely to talk with them inflicts pollution. On the con- 30 trary, from my very earliest youth, it has been my pride to converse familiarly, more Socratico, with all human beings —man, woman, and child'—that chance might fling in my way; for a philosopher should not see with the eyes of the poor limitary creature calling himself a man of the world, filled with narrow and self-regarding prejudices of birth and education, but should look upon himself as a catholic creature, and as standing in an equal relation to high and low, to educated and uneducated, to the guilty and the AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EATER. 145 innocent. Being myself, at that time, of necessity a peripatetic, or a walker of the streets, I naturally fell in more frequently Avith those female peripatetics who are technically called street-walkers. Some of these Avomen had occasion¬ ally taken my part against Avatchmen who Avished to drive me off the steps of houses Avhere I was sitting; others had protected me against more serious aggressions. But one amongst them—the one on Avhose account I have at all introduced this subject—yet no ! let me not class thee, 0 noble-minded Ann - , Avith that order of women; let 10 me find, if it he possible, some gentler name to designate the condition of her to Avhose bounty and compassion— ministering to my necessities Avhen all the Avorld stood aloof from me— I owe it that I am at this time alive. For many weeks I had Avalked, at nights, with this poor friend¬ less girl up and down Oxford Street, or had rested Avith her on steps and under the shelter of porticos. She could not be so old as myself : she told me, indeed, that she had not completed her sixteenth year. By such questions as my interest about her prompted, I had 20 gradually draAvn forth her simple history. Hers Avas a case of ordinary occurrence (as I have since had reason to think), and one in Avhich, if London beneficence had better adapted its arrangements to meet it, the poAver of the hiAV might oftener be interposed to protect and to avenge. But the stream of London charity floAVs in a channel Avhich, though deej) and mighty, is yet noiseless and under¬ ground ;—not obvious or readily accessible to poor, houseless wanderers; and it cannot be denied that the outside air and framework of society in London, as 30 in all vast capitals, is unavoidably harsh, cruel, and repulsive. In any case, hoAvever, I saAV that part of her injuries might have been redressed ; and I urged her often and earnestly to lay her complaint before a magistrate. Friendless as she was, I assured her that she would meet Avith immediate attention; and that English justice, Avhich was no respecter of persons, Avould speedily and amply avenge her on the brutal ruffian Avho had plundered her little pro- K 146 CONFESSIONS OF perty. She promised me often that she would; hut sh,e> delayed taking the steps I pointed out, from time to time; for she was timid and dejected to a degree which showed how deeply sorrow had taken hold of her young heart; and perhaps she thought justly that the most upright judge and the most righteous tribunals could do nothing to repair her heaviest wrongs. Something, however, would perhaps have been done; for it had been settled between us at length (but, unhappily, on the very last time but one that I was 10 ever to see her) that in a day or two I, accompanied by her, should state her case to a magistrate. This little service it was destined, however, that I should never realise. Mean¬ time, that which she rendered to me, and which was greater than I could ever have repaid her, was this :—One night, when we were pacing slowly along Oxford Street, and after a day when I had felt unusually ill and faint, I requested her to turn off with me into Soho Square. Thither we went; and we sat down on the steps of a house, which to this hour I never jjass without a pang of grief, and an 20 inner act of homage to the sj^irit of that unhappy girl, in memory of the noble act which she there performed. Suddenly, as we sat, I grew much worse. I had been leaning my head against her bosom, and all at once I sank from her arms, and fell backAvards on the steps. From the sensations I then had, I felt an inner conviction of the liveliest kind that, Avithout some poAA'erful and reAuving stimulus, I should either have died on the spot, or should, at least, have sunk to a point of exhaustion from Avhich all re-ascent, under my friendless circumstances, would soon ■30 have becoine hopeless. Then it Avas, at this crisis of my fate, that my poor orphan companion, vAdio had herself met Avith little but injuries in this Avorld, stretched out a saving hand to me. Uttering a cry of terror, but Avithout a moment’s delay, she ran off into Oxford Street, and, in less time than could be imagined, returned to me Avith a glass of port-Avine and spices, that acted upon my empty stomach (avIucIi at that time would have rejected all solid food) with an instantaneous power of restoration ; and for this AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 147 glass the generous girl, without a murmur, paid out of her OAvn humble purse, at a time, he it remembered, when she had scarcely wherewithal to purchase the bare necessaries of life, and when she could have no reason to expect that I should ever be able to reimburse her. 0 youthful benefactress ! how often in succeeding years, standing in solitary places, and thinking of thee with grief of heart and perfect love—how often have I wished that, as in ancient times the curse of a father was believed to have a super¬ natural power, and to pursue its object with a fatal necessity 10 of self-fidfilment, even so the benediction of a heart op¬ pressed with gratitude might have a like prerogative; might have power given it from above to chase, to haunt, to waylay, to pursue thee into the central darkness of a London brothel, or (if it were possible) even into the darkness of the gTave, there to awaken thee with an authentic message of peace and forgiveness, and of final reconciliation ! Some feelings, though not deeper or more passionate, are more tender than others; and often when I walk, at this time, in Oxford Street by dreamy lamp-light, and hear those 'h airs played on a common street-organ which years ago solaced me and my dear youthful companion, I shed tears, and muse with myself at the mysterious dispensation whicli so suddenly and so critically separated us for ever. How it happened, the reader will understand from what remains of this introductory narration. Soon after the period of the last incident I have recorded, I met in Albemarle Street a gentleman of his late Majesty’s household. This gentleman had received hospitalities, on different occasions, from my family ) and he challenged me 30 upon the strength of my family likeness. I did not attempt any disguise, but answered his questions ingenuously; and, on his pledging his word of honour that he would not betray me to my guardians, I gave him my real address in Greek Street. The next day I received from him a ten- pound bank-note. The letter enclosing it was delivered, with other letters of business, to the attorney; but, though 148 CONFESSIONS OF his look and manner informed me that he suspected its con¬ tents, he gave it up to me honourably, and without demur. This present, from the particular service to which much of it was applied, leads me naturally to speak again of the original purpose which had allured me up to London, and which I had been without intermission prosecuting through Mr. Brunell from the first day of my arrival in London. In so mighty a world as London, it will surprise my readers that I should not have found some means of staving 10 oft’ the last extremities of penury; and it will strike them that two resources, at least, must have been open to me : viz., either to seek assistance from the friends of my family, or to turn my youthful accomplishments, such as they were, into some channel of pecuniary emolument. As to the first course, I may observe, generally, that what I dreaded beyond all other evils was the chance of being reclaimed by my guardians ; not doubting that whatever power the law gave them would have been enforced against me to the utmost; that is, to the extremity of forcibly restoring me 20 to tire school which I had quitted,—a restoration which, as it would, in my eyes, have been a dishonour even if sub¬ mitted to voluntarily, could not fail, when extorted from me in contempt and defiance of my own known wishes and earnest resistance, to have proved a humiliation worse to me than death, and which would, indeed, have terminated in death. I was, therefore, shy enough of applying for assist¬ ance even in those quarters where I was sure of receiving it, if at any risk of furnishing my guardians with a clue for tracing me. My father’s friends, no doubt, had been many, 30 and were scattered all over the kingdom ; but, as to London in particular, though a large section of these friends would certainly be found there, yet (as full ten years had passed since his death) I knew very few of them even by name; and, never having seen London before—except once, in my fifteenth year, for a few hours—I knew not the address of even those few. To this mode of gaining help, therefore, in part the difficulty, but much more the danger which I have mentioned, habitually indisposed me. In regard to AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 149 the other mode—that of turning any talents or knowledge that I might possess to a lucrative use—I now feel half inclined to join my reader in wondering that I should have overlooked it. As a corrector of Greek proofs (if in no other way), I might surely have gained enough for my slender wants. Such an office as this I could have dis¬ charged with an exemplary and punctual accuracy that would soon have gained me the confidence of my employers. And there was this great preliminary advantage in giving such a direction to my efforts, that the intellectual dignity 10 and elegance associated with all ministerial services about the press would have saved my pride and self-respect from mortification. In an extreme case, such as mine had now become, I should not have absolutely disdained the humble station of “ devil.” A subaltern situation in a service in¬ herently honourable is better than a much higher situation in a service pointing to ultimate objects that are mean or ignoble. I am, indeed, not sure that I could adequately have discharged the functions of this office. To the perfec¬ tion of the diabolic character I fear that patience is one of 20 the indispensable graces; more, perhaps, than I should be found on trial to possess for dancing attendance upon crotchety authors, superstitiously fastidious in matters of punctuation. But why talk of my qualifications? Qualified or not, where could I obtain such an office? For it must not be forgotten that even a diabolic appointment requires interest. Towards that I must first of all have an intro¬ duction to some respectable publisher; and this I had no means of obtaining. To say the truth, however, it had never once occurred to me to think of literary labours as a source 30 of profit, hlo mode sufficiently speedy of obtaining money had ever suggested itself hut that of borrowing it on the strength of my future claims and expectations. This mode I sought by every avenue to compass; and amongst other persons I applied to a Jew named D- 1 At this period (autumn of 18.56), when thirty-five years have elapsed since the first publication of these memoirs, reasons of delicacy can no longer claim respect for concealing the Jew’s name, or at least 150 CONFESSIONS OF To this Jew, and to other advertising money-lenders, I luid introduced myself, with an account of my expectations; which account they had little dilhculty in ascertaining to he correct. The persozi there mentioned as the second son of - was found to have all the claims (or more than all) that I had stated : but one question still remained, which the faces of the Jews pretty significantly suggested,—was I that person? This doubt had never occurred to me as a possible one ; I had rather feared, whenever my Jewish the name which he adopted in his dealings with the Gentiles. I say, therefore, without scruple, that the name was Dell: and some years later it was one of the names that came before the House of Commons ill connexion with something or other (I have long since forgotten lohat) growing out of the parliamentary movement against the Duke of York, in reference to Mrs. Clark, &c. Like all the other Jews with whom I have had negotiations, he was frank and honourable in his mode of conducting business. What he promised he performed ; and, if his terms were high, as naturally they could not hut be, to cover his risks, ho avowed them from the first.-To this same Mr. Dell, by the way, some eighteen months afterwards, I applied again on the same business; and, dating at that time from a respectable college, I was fortunate enough to win his serious attention to my proposals. My necessities had not arisen from any extravagance or youthful levities (these my habits forbade), but simply from the vindictive malice of my guardian, who, when he found himself no longer able to prevent me from going to the university, had, as a parting token of his regard, refused to sign an order for granting me a shilling beyond the allowance made to me at school—-viz., £100 izer annum. Upon this sum it was, in my time {i.e., in the first decennium of this century), barely possible to have lived at college ; and not possible to a man who, though above the affectation of ostentatious disregard for money, and without any expensive tastes, confided, nevertheless, rather too much in servants, and did not delight in the petty details of minute economy. I soon, therefore, became embarrassed : in a movement of impatience, instead of candidly avowing my condition to my mother, or to some one of the guardians, more than oue of whom would have advanced me the £250 wanted (not in his legal character of guardian, but as a private friend), I was so foolish as to engage in a voluminous negotiation with the Jew, and was put in possession of the sum I asked for, on the “regular” terms of paying seventeen and a-half per cent, by way of annuity on all the money furnished ; Israel, on his part, graciously resuming no more than about ninety guineas of the said money, on account of an attorney’s bill (for what services, to whom rendered, and when—whether at the siege of Jerusalem, or at the building of the Second Temple—I have not yet discovered). How many perches this bill measured I really forget; but I still keep it in a cabinet of natural curiosities. AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 151 friends scrutinised me keenly, that I miglit be too well known to he that person, and that some scheme might he passing in their minds for entrapping me and selling me to my guardians. It was strange to me to find my own self, mateft'ialiter considered (so I expressed it, for I doated on logical accuracy of distinctions), suspected of counterfeiting my own self, formaUter considered. However, to satisfy their scruples, I took the only course in my power. Whilst I was in Wales, I had received various letters from young friends; these I produced, for I carried them constantly in my pocket. Most of these letters were from the Earl of Altamont, who was at that time, and had been for some years hack, amongst my confidential friends. These were tlated from Eton. I had also some from the Marquis of Sligo, his father; who, though absorbed in agricultural ))ursuits, yet having been an Etonian himself, and as good a scholar as a nobleman needs to he, still retained an affection for classical studies and for youthful scholars. He had, accordingly, from the time that I was fifteen, corresponded with me—sometimes upon the great improvements which 20 he had made, or was meditating, in the counties of Mayo and Sligo, since I had been there; sometimes upon the merits of a Latin poet; at other times, suggesting subjects oil wliich he fancied that I could write verses myself, or lueathe poetic inspiration into the mind of my once familiar companion, his son. On reading the letters, one of my JeAvish friends agreed to furnish two or three hundred pounds on my personal security, provided I could persuade the young earl—Avho Avas, liy the way, not older than myself—to guarantee the payment on 30 our joint coming of age; the Jew’s final object being, as I noAV suppose, not the trifling profit he could expect to make by me, but the prospect of establishing a connexion Avith my noble friend, Avhose great expectations AvereAvell known to him. In pursuance of this proposal on the part of the JeAV, about (iight or nine days after I had received the £10, I prepared to visit Eton. Nearly three guineas of the money I had giA^en to my money-lending friend in the background ; or. 152 CONFESSIONS OF more accurately, I had given that sum to Mr. Brunell, alias Brown, as representing Mr. Dell, the Jew ; and a smaller sum I had given directly to himself, on his own separate account. AVhat he alleged in excuse for tlms draining my purse at so critical a moment was that stamjDs must he bought, in order that the writings might be prepared whilst I was away from London. I thought in my heart that he was lying, but I did not wish to give him any excuse for charging his own delays upon me. About fifteen shillings I had employed 10 in re-establishing (though in a very humble way) my dress. Of the remainder, I gave one-quarter (something more than a guinea) to Ann, meaning, on my return, to have divided with her whatever might remain. These arrangements made, soon after six o’clock, on a dark winter evening, I set off, accompanied by Ann, towards Piccadilly; for it was my intention to go down as far as the turn to Salt Hill and Slough on the Bath or Bristol mail. Our course lay through a part of the town which has now totally disappeared, so that I can no longer retrace 20 its ancient boundaries—having been replaced by Eegent Street and its adjacencies. Sivalloio Street is all that I remember of the names superseded by this large revolution¬ ary usurpation. Having time enough before us, however, we bore away to the left, until we came into Golden Square. There, near the corner of Sherrard Street, we sat down, not wishing to part in the tumult and blaze of Piccadilly. I had told Ann of my plans some time before, and now I assured her again that she should share in my good fortune, if I met with any, and that I would never forsake her, as soon 30 as I had power to protect her. This I fully intended, as much from inclination as from a sense of duty ; for, setting aside gratitude (which in any case must have made me her debtor for life), I loved her as affectionately as if she had been my sister; and at this moment with sevenfold tender¬ ness, from pity at witnessing her extreme dejection. I had apparently most reason for dejection, because I was leaving the saviour of my life ; yet I, considering the shock my health had received, was cheerful and full of hope. She, AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 153 on the contrary, who was parting with one Avho had bad little means of serving her, except by kindness and brotherly treatment, was overcome by sorrow, so that, when I kissed her at our hnal farewell, she put her arms abont my neck, and wept, without speaking a word. I hoped to return in a week, at furthest, and I agreed with her that, on the fifth night from that, and every night afterwards, she should wait for me, at six o’clock, near the bottom of Great Titch- field Street; which had formerly been our customary haven of rendezvous, to prevent our missing each other in the great 10 Mediterranean of Oxford Street. This, and other measures of precaution, I took ; one, only, I forgot. She had either never told me, or (as a matter of no great interest) I had forgotten, her surname. It is a general practice, indeed, with girls of humble rank in her unhappy condition, not (as novel-reading women of higher pretensions) to style them¬ selves Miss Douglas, Miss Montague, t^c., but simply by their Christian names, Mary, Jane, Frances, &c. Her sur¬ name, as the surest means of tracing her, I ought now to have inquired ; but the truth is, having no reason to think 20 that our meeting again could, in consequence of a short interruption, be more difficult or uncertain than it had been for so many weeks, I scarcely for a moment adverted to it as necessary, or placed it amongst my memoranda against this parting interview; and, my final anxieties being spent in comforting her with hopes, and in pressing upon her the necessity of getting some medicine for a violent cough with which she was troubled, I wholly forgot this precaution until it was too late to recall her. When I reached the Gloucester Coffee-house in Picca- 30 dilly, at which, in those days, all the western mails stopped for a few minutes in going out of London, it was already a (|uarter-of-an-hour past eight o’clock ; the Bristol Mail was on the point of going off, and I mounted on the outside. The fine fluent motion ^ of this mail soon laid me asleep. 1 The Bristol Mail was at that time the best appointed in the king¬ dom—owing that advantage, first of all, to an imnsually good road— and this advantage it shared with the Bath Mail (their route being 154 CONFESSIONS OF It is somewhat remarkable that the first easy or refreshing sleep which I had enjoyed for some months was on the outside of a mail-coach—a bed which, at this day, I find rather an uneasy one. Connected with this sleep was a little incident which served, as hundreds of others did at that time, to convince me how easily a man who has never been in any great distress may pass through life without knowing in his own person, and experimentally testing, the possible goodness of the human heart, or, as unwillingly 10 I add, its possible churlishness. So thick a curtain of manners is drawn over the features and expression of men’s natures that, to the ordinary observer, the two extremities, and the infinite field of varieties which lie between them, are all confounded under one neutral disguise. The case was this ;--For the first four or five miles out of London, I annoyed my fellow-passenger on the roof by occasionally falling against him when the coach gave a lurch; and, indeed, if the road had been less smooth and level than it was, I should have fallen off from weakness. Of this 20 annoyance he complained heavily ; as, perhaps, in the same circumstances, most people would. He expressed his com¬ plaint, however, more morosely than the occasion seemed to warrant ; and, if I had parted with him at that moment, I should have thought of him as a surly and almost brutal fellow. Still I was conscious that I had given him some cause for complaint; and therefore I apologised, assuring him that I would do what I could to avoid falling asleep for the future ; and, at the same time, in as few words as possible, I explained to him that I Avas ill, and in a Aveak 30 state from long suffering, and that I could not afford to take an inside place. The man’s manner changed upon hearing this explanation in an instant : and, when I next Avoke for a minute, from the noise and lights of HounsloAV (for, in spite of my efforts, I had again fallen asleep within tAVo minutes), I found that he had put his arm round me exactly the same for a hundred and five miles) ; hut, secondly, it had the separate advantage of an extra sura for expenses subscribed by the Bristol merchants. AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. J 55 to protect me from falling off; and for the rest of my journey he behaved to me with the gentleness of a woman. And this was the more kind, as he could not have known that I was not going the whole way to Bath or Bristol. Unfortunatcily, indeed, I did go further than I intended; for so genial and refreshing was my sleep, being in the open air, that, iijmn the sudden pulling up of the mail (possibly at a post-office), I found that we had reached some place six or seven miles to the west of Salt Hill. Here I alighted ; and, during the half-minute that the mail stopped, I was 10 entreated by my friendly companion (who, from the transient glimpse I had of him under the glaring lights of Piccadilly, might he a respectable upper servant) to go to bed without delay. This, under the feeling that some con¬ sideration was due to one who had done me so seasonable a service, I promised, though with no intention of doing so; and, ill fact. I immediately moved forward on foot. It must then have been nearly eleven j but so slowly did I creep along that I heard a clock in a cottage strike four as I was on the point of turning down the road from Slough 20 to Eton. The air and the sleep had both refreshed me j but I was weary, nevertheless. I remember a thought (obvious enougb, and pointedly exjiressed by a Koman poet) which gave me some consolation, at that moment, under my poverty. There had been, some weeks before, a murder committed on Hounslow Heath, which at that time was really a heath, entirely unenclosed, and exhibiting a sea-like expanse in all directions, except one. I cannot be mistaken when I say that the name of the murdered person was Steele, and that he was the owner of a lavender plantation 30 in tliat neighbourhood. 1 Every step of my regress (for I ^ Two men, Holloway and Haggerty, were long afterwards con¬ victed, upon very questionable evidence, as the perpetrators of this murder. The main testimony against them was that of a Newgate turnkey, who had imperfectly overheard a conversation between the two men. The current impression was that of great dissatisfaction with the evidence ; and this impression was strengthened by the pamphlet of an acute lawyer, exposing the unsoundness and iiicohei'ency of the statements relied upon by the court. They were executed, however, in 156 CONFESSIONS OF now walked with my face towards London) was bringing me nearer to the heath ; and it naturally occurred to me that I and the accursed murderer, if he were that night abroad, might, at every instant, be unconsciously approaching each other through the darkness ; in which case, said I, supposing myself—instead of being little better than an outcast, “ Lord of my learning, and no land beside ”— like my friend Lord Altamont, heir, by general repute, to £30,000 per annum, what a panic should I be under at this 10 moment about my throat! Indeed, it was not likely that Lord Altamont should ever be in my situation; but, never¬ theless, the spirit of the remark remains true, that vast power and possessions make a man shamefully afraid of dying; and I am convinced that many of the most intrepid adventurers who, being poor, enjoy the full use of their natural energies, would, if at the very instant of going into action news were brought to them that they had unex¬ pectedly succeeded to an estate in England of £50,000 a-year, feel their dislike to bullets furiously sharpened,^ and 20 their efforts at self-possession proportionably difficult. So true it is, in the language of a wise man, whose own experi¬ ence had made him acquainted equally with good and evil fortune, that riches are better fitted “ To slacken virtue, and abate her edge. Than tempt her to do aught may merit praise. ” Paradise Regained, I dally with my subject, because, to myself, the remem- the teeth of all oppo.sition. And, as it happened that an enormous wreck of life occurred at the execution (not fewer, I believe, than sixty persons having been trampled under foot by the unusual pressure of some brewers’ draymen forcing their way with linked arms to the space below the drop), this tragedy was regarded for many years by a section of the London mob as a providential judgment upon the passive metropolis. ^It will be objected that many men, of the highest rank and wealth, have, notwithstanding, in our own day, as well as throughout our history, been amongst the foremost in courting danger on the field of battle. True ; but this is not the case supposed. Long familiarity with power and with wealth has, to them, deadened their effect and attractions. AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 157 brance of these times is profoundly interesting. But my reader shall not have any further cause to complain; for now I hasten to its close. In the road between Slough and Eton I fell asleep; and, just as the morning began to daAvn, I was awakened by the voice of a man standing over me, and apparently studying mj physics, whilst to me—upon so sudden an introduction to him in so suspicious a situation —his morals naturally suggested a more interesting subject of inquiry. I knoAv not what he AA^as. He Avas an ill- looking fellow, but not, therefore, of necessity, an ill-meaning 10 fellow; or, if he Avere, I suppose he thought that no person sleeping out-of-doors in winter could be worth robbing. In Avhich conclusion, however, as it regarded myself, I have the honour to assure him, supposing him ever to find himself amongst my readers, that he was entirely mistaken. I Avas not sorry at his disturbance, as it roused me to pass through Eton before people Avere generally astir. The night had been heavy and misty; but toAvards the morning it had changed to a slight frost, and the trees Avere now covered with rime. 20 I slipped through Eton unobserved; washed myself, and as far as possible adjusted my dress, at a little public-house in Windsor; and, about eight o’clock, went down towards the precincts of the college, near Avhich were congregated the houses of the “ Dames.” On my road I met some junior boys, of whom I made inquiries. An Etonian is always a gentleman; and, in spite of my shabby habili¬ ments, they ansAvered me civilly. IMy friend Lord Alta- mont was gone to Jesus College, Cambridge. “ Ibi omnis effusus labor! ” I had, hoAvever, other friends at Eton; 30 but it is not to all who wear that name hi prosperity that a man is willing to present himself in distress. On recollect¬ ing myself, hoAvever, I asked for the Earl of Desart,^ to ^ I had known Lord Desart, the eldest son of a very large family, some years earlier, when bearing the title of Lord Castlecutfe. Cuffe was the family name ; and I believe that they traced their descent from a person of some historic interest—viz., that Cuffe who was secretary to the unhappy Earl of Essex during his treasonable imeute against the government of Queen Elizalieth. 158 CONFESSIONS OF whom (though my acquaintance with him was not so inti mate as with some others) I should not have shrunk from presenting myself under any circumstances. He was still at Eton, though, I believe, on the wing for Cambridge. I called, was received kindly, and asked to breakfast. Lord Desart placed before me a magnificent breakfast, It was really such; hut in my eyes it seemed trebly magni¬ ficent from being the first regular meal, the first “ good man’s table,” that I had sat down to for months. Strange 10 to say, I could scarcely eat anything. On the day when I finst received my ten-pound bank-note, I had gone to a baker’s shop and bought a couple of rolls; this very shop I had some weeks before surveyed with an eageiaiess of desire which it was humiliating to recollect. I remembered the story (which, however, I now believed to be a falsehood) about Otway, and feared that there might be danger in eating too rapidly. But there was no cause for alarm j my appetite was utterly gone, and I nauseated food of every kind. This effect, from eating what approached to a meal, 20 I continued to feel for Aveeks. On the present occasion, at Lord Desart’s table, I found myself not at all better than usual; and, in the midst of luxuries, appetite I had none. I had, however, unfortunately, at all times a craving for Avine : I explained my situation, therefore, to Lord Desart, and gave him a short account of my late sufferings; Avith AAdiich he expressed deep sympathy, and called for wine. This gave me instantaneous relief and immoderate pleasure ; and on all occasions, when I had an opportunity, I never failed to drink Aviue. Obvious it is, however, that this in- 30 dulgence in wine Avould continue to strengthen my malady, for the tone of my stomach was apparently quite sunk ; but, by a better regimen, it might sooner, and, perhaps, effectu¬ ally, have been restored. I hope that it Avas not from this love of Avine that I lingered in the neighbourhood of my Eton friends ; I per¬ suaded myself then that it was from reluctance to ask Lord Desart, on Avhom I Avas conscious of having no sufiicient claims, the particular service in quest of which I had come A A ENGLISH OPIUM-EATER. 159 to Eton. I was, Low ever, unwilling to lose my journey, and •—I asked it. Lord Desart, whose good-nature was un¬ bounded, and which, in regard to myself, had been measured rather by his compassion, perhaps, for my condition, and his knowledge of my intimacy with several of his relatives, than by an over-rigorous inquiry into the extent of my own direct claims, faltered, nevertheless, at this request. He acknow¬ ledged that he did not like to have any dealings with money¬ lenders, and feared lest such a transaction might come to the ears of his connexions. Moreover, he doubted whether Ms 10 signature, whose expectations were so much more bounded than those of his cousin, would avail with my unchristian friends. Still he did not wish, apparently, to mortify me by a refusal perenq^tory and absolute; for, after a little con¬ sideration, he promised, under certain conditions, which ho pointed out, to give his security. Lord Desart v^as at this time not above eighteen years of age; but I have often doubted, on recollecting since the good sense and prudence which on this occasion he mingled with so much urbanity of manner (which in him wore the grace of youthful sincerity), 20 whether any statesman, the oldest and the most accom¬ plished in diplomacy, could have acquitted himself better under the same circumstances. Re-comforted by this promise, which was not quite equal to the best, but far above the worst that I had anticipated, I returned in a Windsor coach to London three days after I had quitted it. And now I come to the end of my story. The Jews did not approve of Lord Desart’s conditions, or so they said. Whether they would in the end have acceded to them, and were only seeking time for making further in- y-u quiries, I know not; but many delays were made—time passed on—the small fragment of my bank-note had just melted away, and before any conclusion could have been put to the business I must have relapsed into my former state of wretchedness. Suddenly, at this crisis, an oi)ening was made, almost by accident, for reconciliation with my guardians. quitted Loudon in haste, and returned to tlie Priory; after some time, I proceeded to Oxford ; and it was not until i6o CONFESSIONS OF many months had passed away that I had it in my power again to revisit the ground which had become so interesting to me, and to this day remains so, as the chief scene of my youthful sufferings. Meantime, what had become of Ann? Where was she? Whither had she gone? According to our agreement, I sought her daily, and waited for her every night, so long as I staid in London, at the corner of Titchfield Street; and during the last days of my stay in London I put into 10 activity every means of tracing her that my knowledge of London suggested, and the limited extent of my power made possible. The street where she had lodged I knew, hut not the house; and I remembered, at last, some account which she had given of ill-treatment from her landlord, which made it probable that she had quitted those lodgings before we parted. She had few acquaintance ; most people, besides, thought that the earnestness of my inquiries arose from motives which moved their laughter or their slight regard; and others, thinking that I was in chase of a 20 girl who had robbed me of some trifles, were naturally and excusably indisposed to give me any clue to her, if indeed they had any to give. Finally, as my despairing resource, on the day I left London I put into the hands of the only person who (I was sure) must know Ann by sight, from having been in company with us once or twice, an address to the Priory. All was in vain. To this hour I have never heard a syllable about her. This, amongst such troubles as most men meet with in this life, has been my heaviest affliction. If she lived, doubtless we must have been sometimes in 30 search of each other, at the very same moment, through the mighty labyrinths of London; perhaps even within a few feet of each other—a barrier no wider, in a London street, often amounting in the end to a separation for eternity ! Luring some years I hoped that she did live; and I suppose that, in the literal and unrhetorical use of the word myriad, I must, on my different visits to London, have looked into many myriads of female faces, in the hope of meeting Ann. I should know her again amongst a thousand, and if seen JtN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. i6i but for a moment. Handsome she was not; but she bad a sweet expression of countenance, and a peculiarly graceful carriage of the head. I sought her, I have said, in hope. So it was for years; but now I should fear to see her; and her cough, which grieved me when I parted with her, is now my consolation. How I wish to see her no longer, but think of her, more gladly, as one long since laid in the grave —in the grave, I would hope, of a Magdalen; taken away before injuries and cruelty had blotted out and transfigured her ingenuous nature, or the brutalities of ruffians had completed 10 the ruin they had begun. * ^ * ifc ^ * * So then, Oxford Street, stony-hearted stepmother, thou that listenest to the sighs of orphans, and drinkest the tears of children, at length I was dismissed from thee ! The time was come that I no more should pace in anguish thy never- ending terraces, no more should wake and dream in captivity to the pangs of hunger. Successors too many to myself and Ann have, doubtless, since then trodden in our footsteps, 20 inheritors of our calamities. Other orphans than Ann have sighed; tears have been shed by other children; and thou, Oxford Street, hast since those days echoed to the groans of imiumerable hearts. For myself, however, the storm which I had outlived seemed to have been the pledge of a long fair weather; the premature sufferings which I had paid down to have been accepted as a ransom for many years to come, as a price of long immunity from sorrow ; and, if again I walked in London, a solitary and contemplative man (as oftentimes I did), I walked for the most part in serenity and 30 peace of mind. And, although it is true that the calamities of my novitiate in London had struck root so deeply in my bodily constitution that afterwards they shot up and flourished afresh, and grew into a noxious umbrage that has over¬ shadowed and darkened my latter years, yet these second assaults of suffering were met with a fortitude more con¬ firmed, with the resources of a maturer intellect, and with alleviations, how deep ! from sympathising affection. L CONFESSIOIVS OF 163 Thus, however, with whatsoever alleviations, years far asunder were hound together by subtle links of sufFerhig derived froui a common root. And herein I notice the short¬ sightedness of human desires—that oftentimes, on moonlight nights, during my first mournful abode in London, my con¬ solation was (if such it could he thought) to gaze from Oxford Street up every avenue in succession which pierces north¬ wards through the heart of Marylehone to the fields and the woods; for that, said I, travelling with my eyes up the long 10 vistas which lay part in light and part in shade—“ that is the road to the north, and, therefore, to Grasmere ” (upon which, though as yet unknown to me, I had a presentiment that I should fix my choice for a residence) ; “and, if I had the wings of a dove, that way I would fly for rest.” Thus I said, and thus I wished in my blindness : yet, even in that very northern region it was, in that very valley to which my erroneous wishes pointed, that this second birth of my suffer¬ ings began, and that they again threatened to besiege the citadel of life and hope. There it was that for years I was 20 persecuted by visions as ugly, and by phantoms as ghastly, as ever haunted the couch of Orestes ; and in this unhappier than he—that sleep, which comes to all as a respite and a restoration, and to him especially as a blessed balm for his wounded heart and his haunted brain, visited me as my bitterest scourge. Thus blind was I in my desires. And yet, if a veil interposes between the dim-sightedness of man and his future calamities, the same veil hides from him their alleviations; and a grief which had not been feared is met by consolations which had not been hoped. I, therefore, who 30 participated, as it were, in the troubles of Orestes (excepting only in his agitated conscience), participated no less in all his supports; my Eumenides, like his, were at my bed-feet, and stared in upon me through the curtains; hut, watching by my pillow, or defrauding herself of sleep to hear me com¬ pany through the heavy watches of the night, satiny Electra; for thou, beloved M-, dear companion of my later years, thou wast my Electra, and neither in nobility of mind nor in long-suffering affection wouldst permit that a Grecian sister AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 16.3 should excel an English wife. For thon thonghtest not much to stoop to humble offices of kindness, and to servile minis¬ trations of tenderest affection; to wipe away for years the unwholesome dews upon the forehead, or to refresh the lips when parched and baked with fever; nor even when thy own peaceful sluml)ers had by long sympathy become infected with the spectacle of my dread contest with phantoms and shadowy enemies that oftentimes bade me “ sleep no more ” —not even then didst thou utter a complaint or any murmur, nor withdraAV thy angelic smiles, nor shrink from thy ser- 10 vice of love, more than Electra did of old. For she, too, though she was a Grecian woman, and the daughter of the king of men,^ yet wept sometimes, and hid her face^ in her robe. But these troubles are past, and thou wilt read these records of a period so dolorous to us both as the legend of some hideous dream that can return no more. Meantime I am again in London, and again I pace the terraces of Oxford Street by night; and oftentimes—when I am oppressed by anxieties that demand all my philosophy and the comfort of 20 thy presence to support, and yet remember that I am separated from thee by three hundred miles and the length of three* dreary months—I look up the streets that run northward from Oxford Street, upon moonlight nights, and recollect ray youthful ejaculation of anguish; but then, remember¬ ing that thou art sitting alone in that same valley, and mistress of that very house to which my heart turned in its blindness nineteen years ago, 1 think that, though blind indeed, and scattered to the winds of late, the promptings of my heart may yet have had reference to a remoter time, and 30 ^ Agamemnon— avdpoov. ^ ‘'Ofifia 6e7s' ets treiTKov. I’lie scholar will know that thi’onghout this passage I refer to the early scenes of the Orestes ,—one of the most beautiful exhibitions of the domestic affections which even the dramas of Euripides can furnish. To the unlearned reader it may be neees- sary to say that the situation at the opening of the drama is that of a brother attended only by his sister during the demoniacal possession of a suffering conscience (or, in the mythology of the play, haunted by the Furies), under circumstances of immediate danger from enemies, and of desertion or cold regard from nominal friends. 164 ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. may be justified if read in another meaning ; and, if I could allow myself to descend again to the impotent wishes of childhood, I should again say to myself, as I look to the north, “ Oh, that I had the wings of a dove ! ” and with how just a confidence in thy good and gracious nature might I add the other half of my early ejaculation—“ and that way I would fly for comfort! ” PAET II. THE PLEASUBBS OP OPIUM. It is very long since I first took opium ; so long that, if it had been a trifling incident in niy life, I might have forgotten its date: hut cardinal events are not to he forgotten; and, from circumstances connected with it, I remember that this inauguration into the use of opium must he referred to the spring or to the autumn of 1804; during which seasons I was in London, having come thither for the first time since my entrance at Oxford. And this event arose in the following way :—From an early age I liad been accustomed to wash my head in cold water at least once 10 a-day. Being suddenly seized with toothache, I attributed it to some relaxation caused by a casual intermission of that practice, jumped out of bed, plunged my head into a basin of cold water, and with hair thus wetted went to sleep. The next morning, as I need hardly say, I awoke with excruciating rheumatic pains of the head and face, from which I had hardly any respite for about twenty days. On the twenty-first day I think it was, and on a Sunday, that I went out into the streets ; rather to run away, if possible, from my torments, than with any distinct purpose of 20 relief. By accident, I met a college acquaintance, who recommended opium. Opium ! dread agent of unimagin¬ able pleasure and pain ! I had lieard of it as I had heard of manna or of ambrosia, but no further. How unmeaning a sound was opium at that time ! what solemn chords does it now strike upon my heart! wliat heartquaking vibrations of sad and happy remembrances ! Keverting for a moment CONFESSION'S OF 166 to tliese, I feel a mystic importance attached to the minutest circumstances connected with the place, and the time, and the man (if man he was), that first laid open to me the paradise of opium-eaters. It was a Sunday afternoon, wet and cheerless; and a duller spectacle this earth of ours has not to show than a rainy Sunday in London. My road homewards lay through Oxford Street; ami near “ the stately Pantheon ” (as Mr. Wordsworth has obligingly called it I saw a druggist’s shop. The druggist (uncon- 10 scious minister of celestial pleasures !), as if in sympathy with the rainy Sunday, looked dull and stupid, just as any mortal druggist might he expected to look on a rainy London Sunday; and, when I asked for the tincture of opium, he gave it to me as any other man might do ; and, furthermore, out of my shilling returned to me what seemed to he real copper halfpence, taken out of a real wooden drawer. Nevertheless, and notwithstanding all such indica¬ tions of humanity, he has ever since figured in my mind as a beatific vision of an immortal druggist, sent down to earth 20 on a special mission to myself. And it confirms mo in this way of considering him that, when I next came up to London, I sought him near the stately Pantheon, and found him not; and thus to me, who knew not his name (if, indeed, he had one), he seemed rather to have.vanished from Oxford Street than to have flitted into any other locality, or (which some abominable man suggested) to have • absconded from the rent. The reader may choose to think of him as, possibly, no more than a sublunary druggist; it may be so, but my faith is better. I believe 30 him to have evanesced.^ So unwillingly would I connect 1 “Stately” : — It is but fair to say that Wordsworth meant to speak of the interior, which could very little be inferred from the mean, undistinguished outside, as seen presenting itself endways in Oxford Street. ‘^“Evanesced ”:—This way of going off from the stage of life appears to have been well known in the seventeenth century, but at that time to have been considered a peculiar privilege of royalty, and by no means open to the use of druggists. For, about the year 1686, a poet of rather ominous name (and who, apparently, did justice to his name) — viz., Mr. Flai man— in speaking of the death of Charles II., AN ENGLISH OPIUM-EA TER. 167 any mortal remembrances with that hour, and place, and creature that first brought me acquainted with the celestial drug. Arrived at my lodgings, it may he supposed that I lost not a moment in taking the quantity prescribed. I was necessarily ignorant of the whole art and mystery of opium¬ taking, and what I took I took under every disadvantage. But I took it; and in an hour, 0 heavens ! what a revul¬ sion ! what a resurrection, from its lowest depths, of the inner spirit ! Avhat an apocalypse of the world within me ! 10 That my pains had vanished was now a trifle in my eyes ; this negative effect was swallowed up in the immensity of those positive effects which had opened before me, in the \ abyss of divine enjoyment thus suddenly revealed. Here was a panacea, a (jxxpfxaKov vq7rev6i