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 TWeGenera^\ EdutaifvonB 
 
Digitized by the Internet Archive 
 in 2015 
 
 https://archive.org/details/spoildchildintwoOjord 
 
THE] 
 
 SPOIL'D CHILD; 
 
 / N T W 0 A C T 
 
 AS PERFORMED AT THK 
 
 T H E A T R E-R O Y A L, 
 
 SMOKE-ALLEY. 
 
 DUBLIN; 
 
 PRINTED FOR THOMAS BURNSIDE<( 
 lOWfiR LIFFEY-STREfiT# 
 
DRAMATIS PERSONS. 
 
 Little Pickle, - 
 Pickle, 
 
 John, 
 
 Thomas, - 
 
 Mifs Pickle, « 
 
 Maria, 
 
 Margery, 
 
 Sufan, (cook-maic 
 
 MEN. 
 
 Mrs. Jordan^ 
 iVTr. Inneu 
 Mr. R. Palmer* 
 Mr. Burton. 
 Mr. Lyons. 
 
 WOMEN. 
 
 Mrs. Hopkins, 
 Mifs Heard. 
 Mrs. Booth. 
 • Mrs, Edwards* 
 
THE SPOILED CHILD. 
 
 ACT L 
 
 SCZ^Z^A Dining Parlour* 
 Enter Mifs Picl^Ie and Pickle. 
 
 W Pickle. 
 ELL, well, Sifter, have a little patience, and ihcfe 
 holidays will foon be over, and the boy then goes back 
 to fchool, and all will be quiet, 
 
 Mifs P. Yes, till the next breaking up — no, no, 
 brother, unlefs he is fevereiy punifh'd for what he hij^ 
 already done, depend upon it, this vicious humour wiil 
 be conMrmsd 'into habit^ and his follies increafe in pro- 
 portion with his years. 
 
 Pick. Now 'wou'dn't any one think to hear you talk, 
 that my Ton had a£lually fome vice in him? For my parr, 
 I own there is fomething fo whimfical in all his tricks^ 
 that I can'c in my heart but forgive him ; aye, and for 
 aught I know, love him the better into the bargain, 
 
 Mifs P, Yes, truly ; becaufe you have never been a- 
 fufferer by them— had you been rendered ridiculous as L 
 have been by his tricks, as you call 'em, you wou'd^havc 
 been the Hrll to complain, andpanifli* 
 
 Pick, Nay, as to that, he hasn't fpar'd even his father j 
 is there a day paffes I do not break my (hins over ftum- 
 bling blocks he lays in my way ?-— why, there isn't a 
 door in the houfe but is arm'd with a bafoa of water on 
 lop, and left juft a jarr ; fo that I can^ walk over my 
 own houfe, without running the hazard of a (liower-batti, 
 or being wet ihrough, 
 (g A 2 Mi/s 
 
 (So 
 
i 4 ) 
 
 Mifs P, Aye, no wonder the child's fpoIIM, fince 
 you will fuperintend his education yourfelf. — you indeed. 
 
 Pick, Siller, fjfler, don't provoke me — at any rate 
 I have wit enough to conceal my ignorance— —I don't 
 pretend to v,rrlte verfes and ncnfenfe, as foir>e folks-do. 
 
 Mifs P, Nov/ v;ouM you rail at me for ihe difpofuion 
 I was born with ? Can I help it, if the gods have made 
 me poetical, as the divine bard fays ? 
 
 Pick. Made you pcetTGal, indeed — 'Sblood, if you 
 had been born in a flreet near a college, or even next 
 door to a day fchool", I fTiou'dn't have been farprifed ; 
 but damn ii, raadam^ vvhat have you to do with poetry and, 
 
 Mifs P» Provoking ignorarice ! 
 
 Pick, Hav'n't you render'd yourfelf the fneer of all 
 your acqnaintancc, by your refined and poetical inter- 
 courfe with Mr, Tagg, the author ; a ftllow ihat ftrolls 
 about the country, fpouungand aQing in every barn he 
 comes to — and wasn't he found conceai'd in your clofcf, 
 to the ut'er fcandal of my houje, and the ruin ofyour re- 
 putaiion ? 
 
 Mifs P. If you bad the fmalleft fpark of tafle, you 
 wou'd admire the efFufior.s of Mr. Tagg's pen, and been- 
 (ihanted with his admirable ailing as much as I am — but 
 as to this {lory, it may ferve as another fi/nplfC oF my ne- 
 phew's fweet difpofuion, to coin bafe falfe hoods agairJl 
 his aunt's chara^ltr. 
 
 Pick, Do you tell me I can't educate my own child^ 
 snd make a Lord Chancellor oFhim-, or an Archbilhop of 
 Canterbury — which ever I like, juflas 1 pleafe ? 
 \' During ike laf fpeech Pickle leans on the tahk^ which 
 is drawn away by a fringe and hz frJls,'] 
 
 Mifs P, I'll lay my life ihat this is another trick of 
 ihisiittle mifchievous wretch. 
 
 Pick, f getting up) An ungrateful little rafcal ! to 
 fefve me fuch a trick juft as I had made an Archbilhap 
 €f Canterbury of him — >butar, he can't be far olf, I'll i(n- 
 
 mediately correal him H?^re, Thomas— (^^oin/r mati 
 
 Thomas, zvh& enters with tabk covered^ two plates^ knives 
 snd jdrks, roaflcd fowl, caftor^ butter-boat^ &c, — plates 
 taldc kiwecn two chairs^ andcydt,) 
 
 * rid. 
 
( 5 ■) 
 
 Pich But odfi) here's dinner—well, I'll defer my re* 
 fentment till that's over — bat if I don't remember thi^ 
 trick one while, fay my name is not Pickle. — '[cuts up tk^ 
 fowl) Sitter, this is the (iril: pheafant we have had this 
 feafon — it looks well — fhall I heipyoi;? They fay anger 
 inakes people dry; mine has made me hungry I think-— 
 come here's a wing for you, and fome of the breaft, 
 
 £?2^^r Susan, running, 
 
 Su, O dear, Sir! O dear, ma'am ! my young maflef 
 ma'am! the parrot, mi'am O dear ! 
 
 Pick» Parrot and young mailer — what the deuce does 
 the ^irl mean ? 
 
 Mifs P*^ Mean ! why as fura as I live, that viie boy 
 has been hurtiug my poor dear bird. 
 
 Su. Hurting, ma'am ! no, ma'am irideed — befides Vm 
 mortally certain it was the iirange cat kill'd it this morn- 
 ing. 
 
 Mifs P» How ! kill'd it, fay you ! but go on, let's 
 hear the whole. 
 
 Sit* \¥hy, ma'am, the truth is, I did but juft flep 
 out of the kitchen for a moment, but in comes my young 
 mailer, whips the pheafant that was roalllng for dinner 
 off the fpit, and claps down your ladyfhip's parrot, ready 
 pick'daiid trufs'd in its place. 
 
 Pick, The parrot ! the devil !' 
 
 Su, Tkept bafJIng and balling, and never thought I 
 was balling, the parrot— till juO: now 1 found the phea* 
 fan t and the parrot's feathers hid in the kitchen cupboard', 
 
 Alijs P, O my fweet, my beautiful young bird ; 1 had 
 but jufl learn'd it to talk too. 
 
 Pick. You taught it to talk — it taught you to talk, yon, 
 mean — I'm fure 'twas old enough — why 'twas haich'd 
 in (he hard froit. 
 
 Mifs P, Well, brother, what excufe now ? But run . 
 Sufan, d'ye hear, take John, and--^ — * 
 
 Enter ]oil^ flomly^ and lame ^ his face hund* ■ 
 Jphcy here^s Sue piece of bufinefs I . 
 
 A. 3, Jol,n,, 
 
John, Aye, ma'am, fure enough— -What, you've 
 neard I fee— bufinels indeed — the poor thing will never 
 recover, 
 
 :\Mifi What, John, is it a miflake of Sufau^s ? is t 
 itil cj/ive ? but where i*— where is it, John ? 
 
 J^n. Safe in the Ibble, an' it were as found, a* 
 made a hot mafh — wou'dn'c touch it — fo crippled/ will- 
 never have a leg to put on ground again. 
 
 Pick, No, iMl fwear to tha^ — for here's one of ihem. 
 
 [^holdin^ it up on the fork» 
 
 Mifs P\ What does the fool mean V what, what's in the 
 flable ? what are you talking of ? 
 
 john^ Mailer's favourite mare, Daifey, ma'am,, poor 
 ihing.. — 
 
 Pick, What? how? any thing the matter with Dai- 
 fty— wou'dn't part with her tor- i 
 
 J-ohn, Aye, aye; quite done up — won't letch five 
 pounds at next fair. 
 
 Mifs P. This dunce's ignorance diilraQs me — come 
 along Su fan. \^Exit zoith sAn^ 
 
 Pick, Why what can it be? what the devil ails her ? 
 
 ^ohn* Why, Sir, the long and the feort of the affair 
 is as hov/- — ht has cut me all acrofs the face — mercy I did 
 Botlofe my eye*. 
 
 Pick* This curfed fellow will drive me mad— the 
 ii>are, the mare, you fcoundrel, the mare. 
 
 John, Yes, Sir, the mare-^then to my lliins — Maf- 
 t*er Slave, the furgeon, fays 1 mu fl'noint wi 
 
 PicK Plague o^your fliins, yo u dog- — what's the mat- 
 ter with the mare ? 
 
 John, Why, Sir, as I was co ming this morning over 
 Biack Bownj v^hat does I fee, bu t young mailer ttaring 
 over the turf upon Daifey ; fo 1 calls to hnn to Hop, 
 iho'f 1 knew your honour had forbid him to ride he r~ 
 hut what does he me, but fen 3 cks , his whip fuU in my 
 face, anddaih over the gate int.o Sfoney-Lane. 
 
 I ick, Stoney-lane- — well aud.what ? 
 
 John, Earmer Flail iv.ct ' ein, and had but jufl time to 
 hide himfelf in the hedge, before down f/oujcs rr.are and 
 ^uaftcr over a Hone heap- — and whai's worfe, when I 
 jated him about it, he fnatches up Tom Carter's long 
 ■whip, aiid lays nr.e^ over the legs, and before I cou'd 
 
 catch 
 
(7 ) 
 
 .^atch hold of him, he whips out oFthe flable, and was, 
 oft' like a fliot. 
 
 Pick, Well, if ever I forgive him for this — no — I'll 
 fcftd him this moment back to fchooi— fchooU Zounds, 
 I'll fend hirn to Tea. 
 
 Enter Isliss Pickle, 
 
 Mifs P, Well, brocher, yonder corpes your precions 
 child — he's muttering ail the way up Hairs to hiiiifeif 
 fo me fre ih ml fchief, 1 .warrant. 
 
 Fick* Aye, here he comes — ^fland bax^k, let's watch 
 him — ihougii I can never coniam my paffijn long. 
 
 [They retire • 
 
 Enter Little Picjcle, with a kite at his hack, 
 Littk P. Well, fo far all goes on rareiy — dinner mufi 
 be near ready — Old Poll will tafte well, I dare fay- — 
 Parrot and bread fauce, ha, lia, ha! they iijppofe they 
 are going to have a nice young pheafani — an old parrot 
 is a greater rarity, I'm fure ; I can't help thinking hov^ 
 
 deviliih tough the drumlHcks will be a fine piece of 
 
 V'ork .aunt will make when 'tis found out ; ecod, for 
 ought I know, that may be belter fun than t'other- — ^^no 
 doubt Sukey will tell, and John too, about the mare ; 
 a parcel of fneaking fellows, always teil, tell, tell— I 
 only wifh I cou'd catch *em at fchooi once, th^.t's all— 
 I'd pay 'em well for it, I'd bebound— O here they are, 
 and as I live, my father and aunt — to be fure I'm not got 
 it)to a pretty fcrape now — 1 almoft wifli I was fafe back 
 at fchooi again — \'futs down the kite, they come fortoaid'] 
 O, Sir, how do you do.? I wasjuft coming to— 
 
 Vick, Come, come, no fooling now ; how dare you 
 iook m.e in the face, after the mi fchief you have done ? 
 
 LittleV, Mirchief, Sir I what mifchief have I done? 
 ^ Fick. This impudence provokes me ^b'^^^yond all — you 
 know the value I let upon the mare you hdve fpoil'd for 
 ever. 
 
 Little But, Slrj. hear me — indeed I was not fo 
 Ifiuch 10 blame. Sir, not fo i;(r^' much, 
 
 MifsW 
 
( 8 ) 
 
 Mifi P. Don't aggravate your faults by pretending %q 
 excuie them ; your father is too kind to you. 
 
 Little P. Dear 3ir, I own I was unfortunate, but I 
 heard you often complain how wild and vicious Daifey 
 was ; and fo, Sir, looner than you fliould fuffer, I was 
 refolved to venture nay own neck, and try to tame her 
 for you, ihai's ail, Sir — and fo 1 was no fooner mounted 
 
 than oft flie fet — 1 cou'dn't help that you know. Sir' 
 
 and fo this misfortune happen'd — but indeed, Sir . 
 
 Vick, Cou'd 1 be fare, this was your motive, that it 
 was me'.dy love and regard for your old father makes you 
 thus tieze and torment him, perhaps I mi£;ht be inclined— 
 
 John, Yes, Sir, but 'twas no love and regard that 
 made mm beat rue fo. 
 
 Link P. J^^ni'S you know you v/ere to blame- — indeed 
 Sir, the tiuih is, John was fcoiding me for it, and when 
 I loid htm, as I have told ycu, why I did it, and that it 
 was to hinder your being hurt, he faid that^ was no bufi- 
 ncfsofmine, <ind if your neck ry^zj broke, 'twas no fuch 
 great matier. 
 
 PtcA. What ! no great matter to have my neck broke ? 
 
 Little P. No, Sir, fo he faid ; and I was vexM to hear 
 bimfpeak foof you- and 1 believe 1 might take up the 
 whip and give him a cut or two on the legs — it cou'd not 
 hurt him much. 
 
 Vick* Well, child, I believe I muft forgive you, and 
 fo fnall John too— but I had forgot poor Poll — what did 
 you roah the parrot tor, you young dog you ? 
 
 Little P. Why, Sir, 1 knew you and my aunt were 
 both fo fond of it. I thought fbe'd like lo fee it well dreft: 
 
 butdearauat \ to hhfs?iCKi^'] I know you mufi. be 
 
 angry with me, and you think, with realon. 
 
 Mifs "P Don't (peak to me— i'm not fo weak.as your* 
 father, whcttveryou may fancy. 
 
 Little P. But indeed aunt you muft hear me ; had I 
 not I lovM you as 1 do, 1 Ihou'dn't have thus offended 
 you— but it was merely my regard for your charafter. 
 
 lick. Ch,ira6kr! 
 
 John. Charaaer !— O Lord, O Lord ! 
 Pick, Get your bufmefsp you f€oundrcI. 
 
 ^Exit John 4 
 
C 9 ) 
 
 Lutk P» Wiiy,, dear aunt, I had heard that ladies 
 l<epi parrots or lap-dogs, till they were no longer able to 
 keep Iwer^^and when at fchool I told 'em you kept a 
 parrot, tlie boysfaid, then you muft be a foolifli old maid. 
 Mifs^. Indeed! impudent young wretches. 
 Liitk V* Yes, aunt, and 1 refoiv'd you fliou'd no 
 longer be thought fo-.-for I think you are a great deal 
 too handfonie for an old maid. [^^^If^^ ^"^'^ hand* 
 
 Fick, Come, Sifter, faith you mufl forgive hi m-^' no 
 fenf^ale heart can wlthlland that. 
 
 Mi/s P. Broiher, I can forgive where I fee occafion ; 
 but though th^fe faults are thus ej^cuied, how will you 
 anfwer to a cba/ge of fcandal and ill -nature ? 
 
 Little '?. Ill-nature, ma'am— I'm fare nobody can ac- 
 cufe me of that. 
 
 Mifs P. How will you julHfy the report you fpread 
 of my being^ lock'd up in my clolet with Mr. Tagg, the 
 author ?--c3n you defend fo vile an attempt to injure my 
 d-ear reputation ? 
 
 Tick. What ! that too I fuppofe was from your care 
 of her charafter— and fo to hinder your aunt from b<ting 
 thought an old maid, you lock'd her up in her clofet 
 with this author, as he's call'd ? 
 
 Little P. Nay, indeed dear ma'am-— I befeech you 
 *iwas no fuch thing— all 1 faid was, you were amufing 
 } oufelf in your clofet with a favourite author. 
 
 MiJs P. I amufe myfelf in my clofet with a favourite 
 author I worfe and worfe. 
 
 Vick, Siller, have patience— hear 
 
 Mijs P, 1 anr^ alhamed to fee you fupport your boy in 
 filch infolence---! indeed! Viho any fcrup ulcus to a fault 
 but no longer will 1 remain fiibjeel to fuck iajper- 
 tinence ; 1 quit your houfe, Sir, and you ihall quit all 
 claim to my foriunc'—ihis mi mtnt 1*11 alter my vvii!, and 
 Jeave my raoticy to a itranger iooner than to your family, 
 
 f Exit* 
 
 Irirk, Her money to a ftranger! O the three per cent, 
 confols— O the India ftcek— go ehild— fly, throw your- 
 ft lf at yoiir 3iJ!U*s feet ; fay any tking to pleafe her— I 
 Hiail run diftrafled— O thofe'confok ! 
 
 Little P» X am gone, Sir.—fliali I ifxy fiie may die as 
 
 iooa 
 
( lo t 
 
 foon as file pleafes, but fiie muft not leave her money to, 
 a ft ranger. 
 
 Pick. Aye, aye, there's a good boy ; fay any thing to 
 pleafe her— that v/ili do very well j fay fhe may die as 
 foon as fhe pleafes, but flie mull not leave her money to a 
 i^ranger. [Exit Little' Pickl 
 
 Well, never man was fo tormented. I thought when 
 my poor dear wife, Mrs, Pickle, died, and left me a dif- 
 confolate widower, I had fome chance of being a happy- 
 man- — but 1 know not how it is— I cou'd bear the vexa- 
 tions of my wife's bad temper better than this woman's— 
 all my married friends were as miferable as myfelf, that 
 v/as fome relief, but now— —faith here fhe comes, and 
 in a fine humour no doubt. 
 
 £7iter Miss Pickle. 
 
 Mifs P. Brother, I have given direfticns for my im- 
 mediate departure, and 1 am now to tell you, I will per- 
 fill in my dtfign, unlefs you this moment adopt the fcheme 
 I y(?ilerday laid down for my nephew's amendm,ent. 
 
 Tick, Why, my dear filler, you know there's nothing 
 1 WQu'dnt readily do to fatisfy and appeafe you, but lo 
 abandon my own child, and take a beggar's brat into my 
 arms — impoffible! 
 
 ^' ig^^^^*! Very well^ Sir, then I'm gone. 
 
 Vick, But, Sifler, {lay— was ever man fo ufed ?— 
 how long is this fcherne of your's to iail ?— -how long am 
 1 to be depnv'd of him ? 
 
 Mifs P, How iongi why till he*s brought duly to re- 
 flect on his bad behaviour, which nothing will induce 
 him to do, fooner than thinking he is no longer your 
 fon, bu^ the child of poor parents— I yefierdajr fpokc to 
 Margaret, cur old nurfe, and (he fully comprehends the 
 whole affair, 
 
 Fick» But why, in addition to the quitting my own 
 child, am I to have the torment of receiving her's— won't 
 
 the fending him away befulScient? 
 
 Mtjs F. Unlefs the plot's mawag'd my way, I'll have 
 nothing to fay to it, but begone— can't you tell that his 
 4iiiiefs, at iooiing his iituation, will be auguiented, by 
 
 feeipn; 
 
fee.ng u ,n poffeflion of another ? come, come, brother, 
 
 and as we fliali have an eye upon him all the while 
 and Margaret was his own nurfe. ' 
 
 Well finceth,s,s fettle^ 'he fooner it is done the bet- 
 Lr herl ' C^"'^'- Th omas] fend your young mas- 
 Pir^* Tr r „ Thomas, 
 
 will conf- . T ''"'^ "° "'f*^'- way 
 
 M,r P >'°"-7^^"' '^<=*^en Fotea my poor child. ^ 
 ^y'P- Brother, you are fo blinded by your fooli/h 
 fond,,efs that you ceafe to receive what is f Jr his bene- 
 tit.~ t,s happy for you, there is a perfon to dire£l vou of 
 aiy fuperior difcernmem. ^ . " ""^"^ y°"jOt 
 
 £n<er Little Pickle. 
 
 i-^cA. Child, come hither, I have a fecret to difclofe to 
 you, at which you will be furpris'd. "ucioie to 
 
 link P. A fecret, Sir! 
 
 rz,T£Z:r X.^''' ^"'^ 'f'^t '■equires your utmoft cou- 
 rage to bear—You are no longer to confider that nprfnn 
 as your father— he is not fo-Marjraret who nnr 'f 
 has confefs'd-and the thing is fuEn^J^p" ov^d' 'tha! 
 J'ouarenoUwfon, but '^^'"'.-ihe exchany Tou Chen 
 an -nfam, for my real nephew, and her coffcience ^7 Jaft 
 compell'd her to make the difcovery . at Jalt 
 
 IttikP. I another perfon's child? impoffible '— Ah 
 you are only a jok.ng with me now, to fee whether" I love 
 
 .iifn^fb^iiev^SrUvt^L^'^'-r^ t 
 
 ^p all Irefpeaand love^ rhe^pJSoTjf a tTerfZ 
 beheve, S,r, 'tisn't the fpiendor of riches I renin 
 
( 12 ) 
 
 S°; o v.t Sir for an inftant hear me— pity me, 
 Xt«^eP. Yet, Sr^ to intercede .n n,y 
 
 dear aunt, if yet I ^^^^^ Ah ! then loO 
 
 behalf-Heaven I '^^ ^^""^h.ldlor would that dtftrefe 
 fure I know lam n°7°"' 1" ^ them, faU not to move 
 -hich . dra.. "^.^^^^Saway'-but at leaft for- 
 S"™elp"nthT faults I have commuted, you can- 
 not in pity deny tne that. 
 
 », I'm doom'd this fad reverfe to prove, 
 Since then 1 m doom ^^^^^ 
 
 II. 
 
 And hap ly with a tender tear. 
 
 You ttilU.ay greet me w rjSXittJW* 
 
 Ah I then forgive roe, &c. &c. 
 
 EKD O^F THE ri«ST ACT. 
 
( ^3 )^ 
 
 ACT IL 
 
 SCENE^A Pdrl6ur4 
 EnUr Miss PtcKtE tzrti Manger** 
 Margery. 
 
 A N^D fd as I was telling your lady flifp, poor little 
 mafter does fo take it to heart, and fo weep and wail, it 
 almoft makes me cry to hear him. 
 
 Mtfs F. Well, well, fince he begins already to repenf, 
 his punishment fball be but fliorl* — But have you brought 
 your boy with you ? 
 
 Marg» Aye, have I — poor Tommy-— he came from 
 aboard of fiiip but now — and is fo grown and alter'd.— 
 Sure enough, he believes every word I have told him^ 
 as your honour ordered me-— and, I warrant, is fo fheep- 
 ifii and QiameFac'd me-— here comes ray matter— he 
 has heard it ail already— 
 
 Enter Pickle* 
 
 But^ my lady, fhall I fetch my pa©r Tommy to you ?— 
 he's wailing wiihout* 
 
 Pkk. What J that ilKlooking young rafcal in the hall; 
 he with the jacket and trowfers ? 
 Marg^ Aye, your honour— then you have feen him? 
 Pick* him!— aye, 2Lndfdt him too— the booby* 
 
 met me bolt at the corner— run his curd carrotty poll in 
 my face, and has loofen'd every tooth in my head, L 
 believe. 
 
 Marg. Poor lad— he's a failor, and but awkward a« 
 yet ; and fo fliy, I Vi?arrdnt,~Ba£ will your honouri c 
 
 kind to him ? 
 
 Pick, Kindtohlm-^vihy I'm tc pals far his father^ 
 aVti? 
 
 B Marg. 
 
( M I 
 
 Marg, Aye, I wlfii your iionour had been poor 
 Tommy's father — but no fuch luck for me, as I fay to my 
 hufband. 
 
 Pick. Indeed!— your hufband muft be very much • 
 obliged to you, and fo am I. 
 
 Marg, But do, your honour, one e'et me fee my Tom-, 
 my drell in his fine fmart cloath?. 
 
 Pick. Dam*me ! I don'{ half like that Tommy, 
 
 Mifs ,P^ Yes, yes, you fliall — but now go and fetch 
 him here to us — I (hou'd like much to fee him. 
 
 Marg. Do you now madam fpeak kindly to him, for 
 poor boy, he's quite dafliM. 
 
 Pick. Dafh'd !— yes, and hehas dafh'd fome of my 
 tee^h out, plague on him, 
 
 Mifs P. Now, Mr. Pickle, I infill upon your ob- 
 ferviijg a proper behaviour and decorum towards this 
 poor lad— obferve the condefcenfion of my deportment— 
 methinks I feel a ftrange inclination already in his fa« 
 vour — perhaps I may advance him by and by to be my 
 
 page — lhall 1 brother ?- here he comes, and 1 declare, 
 
 as prepofTeflTing a countenance as 1 ever beheld. 
 
 MnUr Ma r g e r y , and Little Pickle ai a Sailor^ 
 red hair. 
 
 Mifs P. Come hither, child — was there ever fuch an 
 ergaging air ? 
 
 Mar^* Go, Tommy, do as you're bid, that's a good 
 toy— ihank his honour for his goodnefs to you. 
 
 Jjittle P. Be you the old fellow that's juft come to be 
 my father? 
 
 Pick. i^Aftde']0\d fellow— he's devilifh dafli'd to be 
 
 re— yes, i the old fellowj as you call it — will you 
 be a good child ? 
 
 Little P. Aye, but what will yougi'me? — mufti 
 he good for nothing ? 
 
 Pickm Good for nothing ! nay, that I'll fwear you are 
 already— well, and how long have you been come from fca 
 «h ?— how do you like a failor's life, eh ? 
 
 SONG 
 
( 15 ) 
 
 SONG— AM^^n Oyprs. . 
 Little Pickle, 
 
 I am a brifk and fprightly lad, 
 
 fuR come home from fea, Sir ; 
 Ofaii the lives 1 ever ledj 
 A faiior's life for m?, Sir. 
 
 Yeo, yeo, yeo! yeo, yeo, yeo ! 
 While the boatfwain pipes ail hands, 
 With yeo, yeo, yeo I Sir. 
 What girl but loves the merry tar, 
 That o'er the ocean roams, Sir ; 
 In every clime we find a port, 
 In every port a home, Sir. 
 yeo, yeo, &c. 
 But when our country's foes are nigh, 
 
 Each haftens to his gun, Sir ; 
 We make the boafted Frenchman fly, 
 And bang the haughty Don, Sir, 
 yeo, yeo, &c. 
 Oar foes^fubdued once more on fhore, 
 
 We fpend our cafli with glee, Sir; 
 And when all's gone, we drown our care. 
 And out again to fea, Sir, 
 
 Yeo, yeo, yeo J yeo, yeo, yeo ! 
 And when ail's gone, again to fea. 
 With a yeo, yeo, yeo ! Sir. 
 
 Fkk, So, this is the way I'm to be entertained la fu- 
 ture, with forecafrle jokes, and tarpaulin fongs. 
 
 Mifs P. Brother, don't fpeak io harfliiy to the poor 
 lad — ^come to me, my pretty boy, I'll be your friend. 
 
 Little P. Friend! Oh, whatyour'rc my grandmoibcr ? 
 [^^? iVIifs P. ) Father, muftn'c i call her granne? 
 
 Pickx VVhat, he wants encouragement, fifter — he's 
 found out one relation however,.-— .This boy's affaran^re 
 diverts mcj 1 like h'mp—^aftdej 
 
 B 2 Little Pv 
 
( i6 ) 
 
 Little P. Granne's mortal crofs and frumpini-— la, fa^ 
 ther 1 what makes your mo.her there fo plaffuy foul wea- 
 Jiier'd ? r 5 - . 
 
 Mifs P. Mother, indeed ! 
 
 ¥ick, O nothing at all, my dear ; Ihe's the befl hu- 
 niour'd perfon in the world— go, throw yourfelf at her 
 feet, and afk her bleffing — perhaps ftie may gi* ye feme - 
 thing. Iviimics.l 
 
 hittk P. A bledingl — I ={han't be much richer fot 
 that, neither — -perhaps &e may give me half-a-crown— 
 1*11 throw myfelf at.her feet, and afk for a guinea — [kneels^ 
 dear granne, gi' me *that>pretty plOure. [^catches at tVj 
 
 Mifs P. Stand off, wretch, am I to be robb'd as well 
 asinfuited? 
 
 Marg, Fie, child ! l^^m to behave yourfelf better. 
 Little P« Behave cpyjelf! Jearn you t9 hehdive yourfelf 
 —1 fbou'nd't have thought of you, indeed — 'get you gone 
 — Pm a young getpman now, and muftn't remember old 
 Siccjuaintanccs— get out, I fjiy, 
 
 , [^drives her oj-, and follows* 
 Pick* Wdl. fitter, this , plan of y.our's, I hope, fuc- 
 ceeds to yau fatisfaQion — ^he'll make a mighty pretty 
 page, fifter— what an engaging air he has, filler,— This 
 is fome revenge for her treatment of my poor boy. [ Aftde 
 MifsT. I perceive this to be all a contrivance " and 
 this boy is taught 4o if^fult .me thus— but ere long, you 
 may repent this iMiparall^lcd treatment of unprotefted 
 innocence. [Exit. 
 
 Pick. What, (be means to go 6lF with her lover, the 
 player man, 1 fuppofe^ — but Pll watch her and her con- 
 fols too— and if I catch him in my boufe, it fiiall he his 
 lail appearance this feafon* L^^^K 
 
 Re-enter Little Pickle. 
 Little V. There they go — ha, ha,, ha! my fcheme has 
 jrone on rarely — rather better than their's, I think ;— 
 bleiTings on the old nurfe for confenting to it. Til teach 
 ^^in to turD|)eop!e out of doors — let me fee — what trick 
 
 fcsil I play'em now fuppofe I fet the houfe on fire — j 
 
 xii>5.no, its toofoon for that — that will do very wcil by 
 ^ ,4 by— let me fee— I wifh I could fee my fitter — Vil 
 
 difcover 
 
( i? ) 
 
 dlfcover myfelfto her, and'then we might contrive {birte- 
 thing together nicely— that flaircafe ieaJi) to her room— 
 III try and call her— [goes and liftens'] there's nobody m 
 the way — hlft, hift! Maria, Maria !— (he hears me— {he's 
 coming this way [rum and hides him/clf] 
 
 Eiiter Maria. 
 
 Mar. Sure fomebody call'd me — no, there's nobody 
 liere — heigho ! I've almofl cried myfelf bhnd about my 
 Door brother, for fo I (hall always call him^aye, and 
 love him too — [going'] 
 
 Litile P. Maria !— Sifter !• — flop an irsflant. . 
 
 Mar. My Brother,. Charles ! impoflibie ! 
 
 hittle P. Tis e'en fo, faith 'twas ail a trick abcit 
 
 the nurfe and child — I coax'd the old woman to confefs 
 the whole tome — fo borrowing thisdrefs as you fee, re- 
 turned to plague 'em a little more, that's all — now you 
 and I muft confult together how to revenge ourfelvcs- — - 
 let me fee — how fhall we vex'em ?— I'll let'em fee who'a 
 bell at plotting— what lhall it be ? — you can't contrive 
 to kill yourfe^lf for the lofs of me, can you ? — that would 
 have a fine effe^— is there nothing I can think of? — fup* 
 pofe you pretend to fall in love with me, and we may run 
 away together. . 
 
 Mar. That will do admirably ; and you may depend 
 on my playing m^^ part with a good will, for I owe them 
 fome revenge for their treatment pf you — befdes, yoii 
 know 1 can refufe you nothing. 
 
 Enter Pickle behind. 
 
 Little P. Thank you a thoiifand times, my dear M,a- 
 Jia — thus we'll contrive it. 
 
 {Seeing Pigkle they pretend to zvhifper^ 
 
 Pick. What!— how 's this?--*' Dear Maria,^' and-' I'll 
 lefufe you nothing' *-~Death and the devil ! my daucrh ter 
 has fallen in love with that young rafcal, and his"" yeo, 
 yco, yeo!— :fce too, they embrace [comes for zoard^mi^hiy^ 
 wellycung madam, mighty weil-^but come, J^ou 'ihall 
 be lock'd up inifmediaely, and you, young raicai be whipc 
 
{ r . ■ 
 
 JLittleV. You won't be fo hard-hearted fure— —we 
 ^ill not part — here is my anchor fix'd — here I am mopr'd 
 
 for ever- i?icki.k endeavours to take Ma ria from him 
 
 -^Jhe rejijis, and Little P. detains her by the hand.] 
 
 Mar, [romanticUy] No — we'll never, never part— 
 O cruel, cruel fate ! 
 
 Pick, He has infe£ied her with his afTaranee already* 
 —What, you young minx, do you own you love him ! 
 
 Mar. Zot/e him, Sir, I ^li/^jre him ! and fpite of your 
 V tmoil oppofuion, ever, ever {hall. 
 
 Pick* O ruin'd ! undone 1 — what a wretched old man 
 am I — ^but Maria \ child! 
 
 Mar. Think not to difluad me, Sir, vain attempt ! 
 no, Sir, my afFeftions are fix*d, never to be recallM. 
 
 Pick* O dear ! what fhall I do ? what will become of 
 me? — Oh! a plague on my plot, I have loft my daugh- 
 ter, and for ought I know, my fon too Why, child, 
 
 he's a beggar— he's not worth a fixpence. 
 
 Mar. My foul abhors fo low a thought— know, Sir^ . 
 J-cherifh nobler fenlimenis 
 
 " The generous youth fhall ov/n 
 I love him for himfelf alone. 
 
 Pick. What} poetry too! nay, then 'tis time to prevent 
 briber mi3fchief--^[/>w//j A^r] Go to your room — a good 
 key lhall enfure your fdfety, and that young rafcal may 
 gp back to Ara, with his yeo, yeo, y6o, if ne will. 
 
 Mar* I obey your harfh command. Sir, and am gone 5 
 bur, alas! I leave irny heart behind. 
 
 ^Exit—^iCKhi£. locks her in 
 l^fc^,. Now^ Sir? fpr jqu — don't look fo audacieiis, 
 you young villain— don't fancy you belong to me— -1 at- 
 Icrjy difclaicq ypu. 
 
 %iUlef 'o '. r^«5^'K|"1 BtK that's rather too late now, 
 old one— ^you faaY<^^ faid I was. your fon, and 
 
 ^am^me I'll make ]foulland to it» 
 ' Picl^y 1^]^^ an afaif— John ! Thomas' 
 
 EnUr 
 
Enter ]oKKf Thomas, and Su^san. 
 
 Take that fellow, and turn him out of doors unmedlatelv'. 
 Tha* Fellow ! who, Sir ? 
 
 Pick. Who I why zounds! him there, don't yoa fee 
 him ? 
 
 John. What! my new young mafter ! no. Sir, IVe^ 
 lurn'd oat one already — I'll turn oat no more. 
 
 Fick, He's not your young mafter— — »he's no fon of 
 mine — ^away with him, 1 fay, 
 
 Su, No, Sirj we know our young mailer too well for 
 all that — why, he's as like your honour as^ one pea is like 
 another. 
 
 John, Aye, heaven blefs him 1— and may he fhortly^ 
 fucceed your honour in youreflate and fortune. 
 
 Fick. Rogues! villains ! l*m abufed, robhed — [drives' 
 Servants off] there's a confpiracy form'd againil me, and 
 this little pirate is at the head of the gang 
 
 Enter Thomas, gives Pickle a letter^ and exit. 
 
 Odfo ! here's a letter from> my poor boy— this is a com- 
 fort indeed — well, I'll fend for him home without far- 
 ther delay — [reads'] — Honoured Sir, I heartily repent 
 
 of having fo far abufed your goodnefs, while blefs'd 
 *' with your prote61ion~but as 1 fear no penitence will 
 
 reftore me to your favour, have refolv'd to put it out 
 of my power again to offend you, by bidding adieu to 
 ^* my country for ever."— —Here, John ; go, run di- 
 Fe£lly to Margery's, fetch home my fbn, and v 
 
 Li(tle P. You may fave yourfelf the trouble— -'tis too 
 late — vQu'll never bring hitn too, now, make as many 
 ijgnals, and fire a^ many guns as you plea fe. 
 
 jPick. Whal d'ye n^ean ? 
 
 Little P, Mean — why he and I have chang'd blrth% 
 ^a('s all. 
 
 Pick. Chang'd births !} 
 
 Little P. Aye- — I'm got into Im hamtnock, and he's 
 ^ot into mine, that's all— he's fome leagues ©fF at fea by 
 * Jhis time — the (^i^ fe-rv^es, the win<i'» faif. and Eotanyf 
 B^y^'s the wordj my old boy, 
 
 Pkh 
 
( 20 .) 
 
 Pick. Botany Bay-— then my mifery h complete— «a 
 unhappy Pickle— bat rilinftantly fee about this myfelf; 
 and it its true, I'll come back juft to blow out your brains, 
 arid fo be either hang'd, or fetit to Botany Bay after him. 
 
 \ Exeunt. 
 
 SCENE— ^ Garden. 
 
 Enter Miss Pickle. 
 
 Mifs P* This is the hour of my appointment with Mr. 
 npagg — and my orother's abfence is favourable indeed.— 
 Well, after fuch treatmenr, can he be fur'pns'd if I throw 
 myfelF into the arms of fo palhonate an admirer? — my flat- 
 terinp little heart tells me thij is an important erifis in 
 mv happinefs,— How much thefe vile men have to anfwerj 
 in'thus bewitching us filly girls, 
 
 Ta GG [behind) 
 
 The heavy hours are almofl pa/^, 
 That part my love and me." 
 
 Enters* 
 
 My longing eyes may hope at laB, 
 <« Their only joy to fee»" 
 
 ThtiS5moft charming of your fex, let me proflra^e myfelf 
 at the Ihrine of beauty. ^neels^ 
 
 Mifs p. Mr. Tagg, I fear I never can be your's. 
 
 Jagg* Adorable, lovely I the moH beautified Ophelia! 
 f« beautified is a vile phrafe.'* 
 
 Mifs?* Indeed, Mr. Tagg, you make me blulh with 
 your compliments^. 
 
 Tagg> Compliments! — " O caH not by that hacknied 
 << name the voice of tnuh."—**' Lovely nymph, O deiga 
 
 to hear me — I'll teach you what it is to love," 
 
 Mi/s P. Love, Mr. Tagg !— ~0 mode rate your t ran ^» 
 pons, be advii^ed«-think no more of this fa^tal pffion. 
 
f 21 J 
 
 .Tagg* Think no more of it!— —**can love be con* 
 *',troul'd by advice ?~wiir Gupid our mother obey?" 
 O then confent, my angel, to join our hand* in one — or 
 give me death in a frown, 
 
 Mifs P. Can I refufe any thing to fach a lover ?--^but 
 my dear friend, were I to confent to our tender union, 
 how cou'd we contrive our efcape ? — my brother's vigi- 
 lance would overtake us — and you might have fome caufc 
 to repent of his anger. 
 
 p Little 1^ levi uil - enters, /ces them, and rms- pffunper- 
 ceived^l 
 
 Tagg, O he'saCoth, a mere Vandyke, my love !— 
 but f^ar makes the danger fcem double — fay Hymen, 
 what mifchief and trouble— fay what men will, wed- 
 " lock's a pill— bitter to fwillow, and hard of digeftion," 
 •--rve contriv'd the plot,"^ and every fcene of the elope- 
 ment — ^here in this fiiady bleft retreat will I urifold it ai!; 
 -^[reaches chairs] let's fit down like Jeifiica and the fair 
 Lorenzo here- [theyjit,} 
 
 y Wo\i*6 you t3L^c iht moon tied haiff 
 
 To; y^on^^i^r^^??^ bower repair ; 
 Where mixing with the^opiar bough. 
 The bantling/ine fhelter you. 
 Since mufic is the food, of love. 
 We'll to the nightingale's complacent notes, 
 ^' Terne our drftrefTes, and record our woes," 
 
 \ During the. xihovef pitch LiTTt-rPiCKLE fteah on he^ 
 hiiid them^facosr their clvihes together, and runs off unfeen'^ 
 
 Mijs P. O I ceufd l?Reji thus for ever to the charms 
 ofloveantl harmony — But how are v/e to plan our efcape? 
 
 Tagg, In a low and n^ean attire, miifHed .up in a. great 
 clo&kj will I await you in this happy fpot — but why, my 
 foul, why iiot this iRfiantily ?— thus let me feize my ten- 
 der bit of lamb, ■ Tiiere, I think^ 1 had her as dead as 
 mutton. [_Afide* 
 
 Mifs P. No, I'm not yet equjpp'd for an elopement ! 
 and what is more of confequence ftill, 1 havVt got with 
 me a ca lket of je wels I have prepared; rather too valuabb 
 to-be left behind. 
 
f 22 f 
 
 Xt«&P. O noth^ngat all-only father's coming, .haf. i' 
 
 r/.. r-°,"!l'^^'T me— won't you let me 
 L^^r^PiCKLz runs oftvith the l4 of TAoi^sco, 
 
 Tag^. Dam'me ,fl .hiak we ihalliver parr 
 t/L r°°"4'^"'T me-won't you let me go? 
 Tagg Go ! Zounds I I wilh you was goucf 
 M,fs Pickle runsoffr^iththekpofTAolhcoat, zchick 
 
 Tick, Well all's „ot fo bad as I fea.'d-he is not yet 
 gone to fea, and Margery affures me I ftall fee him qui.e 
 ano.her thmg fro„, what he was-but now let me look 
 dZri ff'-^y flie let play the fool, I'll X ca"e 
 i ZJ'n' T} ' S've up the confois-but odfo. 
 
 I hav n t yet feen my daughter,— I'U ,o herfirfl, left 
 young yeo yeo ftou'd realiy get her ftipt off-and 
 Avhen 1 ve fecured fifteen, I'll look after fiftvLbm tvho's 
 
 7i::&::/ ^'^'—'-K^if-awati-r,.^ 
 
 Enter Miss Pickle, with a cafizt. 
 
 trenu'le— kindCup.d aid your vot'ry's feeble .Icps 
 
 Enttr 
 
f 23 ) 
 
 f ^' IM^r^ghcr hand] Thu way^thfs way. 
 M^y ar^ going Old Picklb cmex /"r^^, a 
 
 Tiiomasi youfliaU nor -I ^'^^'John! WilliamJ 
 
 -[Enter iZSl o ZTLoT^Ta' '"■^'^'X P""- 
 caftle, great hero2J h.Z ^ " rather ileep i„ a 
 
 ^'^^/^ P. A iail 17) / ""T 'lluHnous chief 
 
 -a v4im ,0 h Vov? fer^ • Mr. Tag. 
 
 ^z^^ff -^^'^ w c ill'; 
 
 'eme, andfcrgetauJaaMicTp ' ' fincerelyfor. 
 
(' 24 ) 
 
 PLk,. Forget them— ah, had you vexM me as mucE 
 again, Lfhoufi have been more than^jrepaid by thb hap- 
 pineft of this moment. 
 
 hittk Pk Kind Sil", my joy is then complete^ and I 
 will never more offend* ^ Com^s forward.) And yet 
 
 wou'd thefe, our fair and gracious fpe^tors, condcfcend 
 to own they have been amufed by my tricks, (and if 1 
 can judge, or am fkill'd in the language of ^yes^ they • 
 deign to fmile affent} I Ihall be.tempted again to trans- 
 grefi. 
 
 FINIS. 
 
i 
 
RARE BOOK 
 COLLECTION 
 
 THE UNIVERSITY OF 
 NORTH CAROLINA 
 LIBRARY 
 
 PR3318 
 
 S7 
 1799