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ARTHUR, Au‘rnox or “Anvxcx TO YOUNG Max.” “TEN NIGHTS m A BAR-Room," "No-rams Bur Mossy," “ \VHAT CAME Aprnnwums,” “001: m 1'83 WORLD," Era, ETC. ———~-——.— / A‘V/ PHILADELPHIA : THE KEYSTONE PUBLISHING CO. 1889. COPYRIGHT BY JOHN E. POTTER 8: COMPANY ymunmm QUNIVERSITY 3 OF BENNSYLVAMA LIBRARIES PREFACE. WOMAN’S mission in life contemplates more than the ordinary routine of home life. It covers the field of com- panionship, sympathy and love also. The way of life has many dreary places in it, and her cheerful companion- ship is needed in effecting a happy passage. Man is some- times overtaken by misfortunes; he meets with failure and defeat; trials and temptations beset him; and he needs not only true companionship, but a corresponding sym- pathy. He has some stern battles to fight with poverty, with enemies, and with sin, and he needs the words of counsel that shall encourage and impart new inspirations. All through life—through storm and through sunshine, conflict and victory, through adverse and favoring winds—- man needs a woman’s love. ’ Young ladies entering the portals of womanhood should thoroughly study their mission in life, their duties, and especially their conduct in the routine of duties that may be placed before them. Much depends upon this, as thereby only can they properly qualify themselves for the mission which Providence has designed for them; Upon its proper comprehension depends not only their own per- sonal happiness, but that of their companions in life also. The author has endeavored to place before young ladies a few fitting words on their duties and conduct in life, and trusts that every young lady that reads them may profit by them, and her experiences in life be the better through a. due and proper observance of his friendly counsel. bl' L-- i.» 'f’f-B: .i’ff‘jfi' w: 3 9 a; :‘7-{»‘.;m{ «(guts fix? qizia ‘ . _ 3., filmmtwmafi‘ "a; Vigfim ilfififmyzsfiiab iguamfl wagwm 3m: “91$” 30;: swag: firm-1a wé a3 ., CONTENTS Gupta!- I. 1monucnox.............................. ............. IL 11mm- Vmws or LIFE.....................-......n..u III. ENTERING Upox LIFI......»........................... IV. Ham or ORDER AND Numzss.................. V. Dons'no AND CULINARY Arums.................. VI. Ixmovnnm'r or flu: an........................... VIL Ex'rxnxu. Coxmnox..................... ............... VIII. Gossrpme m EVIL-Spun"...................... IX. Danna..." .......... ......... ......... ............... X. HEALTH...... ..... ............... ......... ......... mm... XI. Bnornzns.................................................. XII. Connor roman: P133313 .......................... XIII. Equmfl or THE Suns............................... XIV. Comma-x- erAnns MEN................................ XV. Cannon}: 01! ml: Max WHO ARE ucnwnn As szrrons................................................ XVI. RECEIVING Amx'rxons mom MEN.................. XVII. EARLY MABBIAGXS. ......... ........................... XVIII. MARRIAGE...; ............. XIX. Tm: YEAR Arum MAmuGE........................ XX. A coxnox MIs'rAxx.......,............................. XXI. Coxcwsxox...... . .................... ...... ...... ......... (3) 95 107 126 148 158 175 188 201 207" 225 231 239 : L. 3316: M33133; :2: , wmaa’ii 6%; 5131313121? £3 , ‘ ‘ .. gamer: nmzmmafl .1“: ‘_ 1‘ ‘ “.3. 33:3: wrmfimwwd‘ W , it? "1.3:. K " s3- finiav-v‘. « vs” AQfi-“I‘u’H-ng‘ '31}- ~92 .: 4. mg, “mum 1.”, m ..- I ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES CHAPTER. L INTRODUCTION RIGHT modes of thinking are the basis 01 .H correct action. This is just as true of one .ex as the other. Although man has the power of abstract thought and the faculty of reasoning in a higher degree than woman, yet woman is none the less a rational being, and must, in all the various relations in life, come under the guidance of right reason. It is from this cause that we shall, in addressing our young itends on their duties and conduct in life. appeal at once to their rational faculty. Specific forms and rules of action, to be observed on certain occasions, are very well as far as they go; but a mere for mulary of good manners and right conduct is a poor substitute for that enlightened reason. by which a woman can at once determine for he!" 6 ADVICE r0 YOUNG LADIES. self how she should speak and act under any and all circumstances. In society, as well as in books, we constantly near it said .hat a young lady should act thus and thus in a specified case; but a sound reason why she should thus act is too rarely given. She is expected to take the mere dictum of those more experienced than herself, whether the rea- sonableness of the thing be apparent to her own mind or not. The consequence is, nat what parents and friends see and declare to be right, a young lady too often thinks an indifferent matter, and, led on by her inclinations or pecu- .iar temperament, sees no harm in acting directly in opposition to the views and wishes of those older and wiser than herself. Many fatal errors have arisen from this cause The advice thus given is, in most cases, good; but, being unac- companied by a comprehensible reason, it is not regarded when it opposes a strong inclination to act differently. Right modes of thinking are the basis of all correct action. This we repeat, as a most im portant truism, and one which every young lady should regard as the foundation upon which her whole character should be laid. If she do not think right, how can she act right? To learn to think right. is, therefore, a marter of primary INTRODUCTION 7 concern. If there be right modes of thinking, right actions will follow as a natural conse- quence. To aid in the attainment of this most desirable state, is one of the objects which will be kept in view by the writer, who will seek rather to give principles of action than rules of conduct; although the latter will not be entirely neglected. False VleWS of life every where prevail. We meet with them in our daily intercourse, in the social circle, and in books. From these flow many and various errors in life, the effects of which are often felt when it is too late to remedy them. And too frequently it happens that the sad experiences of a whole lifetime fail to correct the original error, or give the ability to guard by right precepts, the young and inexperienced. It is from this reason, that, in giving advice many persons, who have attained an advanced age, urge the opposite extreme of their own early life as the true mode of conduct. The foundation of all error, in regard to life, lies in a single misconception — that of imagining self to be the centre, instead of clearly under- standing that each individual is only a part of a great whole, a member of a common body. This is a truth so essential to the well-being of i society, and to the happiness of each individual, S ADVICE T0 YOUNG LADIES. that it will be kept prominent throughout (hid volume. It is a truth as essential to a woman’s, as to a man’s happiness. Feeling and perception are the peculiar dis- tinguishing features of a woman’s mind; and by these, more than by a process of reasoning on a subject, does she ordinarily arrive at conclu- sions, and determine her actions. By virtue of this her peculiar form of mind, she is able, in most cases, to determine a question of right and wrong correctly; but this she cannot always do: her reason must, after all, be, in the main, a guide to her perceptions; and this reason, to be an unfailing guide, must be enlightened by truth. There must be true modes of thinking, or there cannot be uniform, correct action. The one is absolutely essential to the other. Our fair young friends will see, by these few introductory remarks, that we shall, as already said, address their reason. It is the highest gift bestowed upon them by God. It is, in fact, that which makes a man or a woman distinctively human. For a woman to think in her Sphere, is as essential as for a man to think in his; and the more truths she has from which to think, the more accurate will be her conclusions. Still, there is a very great difference between the mind of a woman and the mind of a man — a difference RIGHT news or LIFE. 9 .hat all should clearly see, and which we shall let forth in its proper place. CHAPTER II. RIGHT VIB‘VS OF LIFE. A RELIGIOUS view of life ought to be taken, in the beginning, by every woman. What is meant nere by a religious view, is simply the forming of a correct idea of the true relation of man to man, and of man to his Creator. Such a rela- tion does exist, and it is essential to the well- being of every one to understand it. Blindly to shutall this out, and to press forward in thought- less uncertainty, is surely not the course which a wise man or a, wise woman would take. As we are created beings, there must be an orderly relation in which we stand to God and to each other, and any violation of this order by us, either through ignorance or design, must pro- ducc unhappiness. In fact, all the unhappIness that exists in the world is produced from thIs cause How essential, then, is it for every one, in starting out in life, to have right views on an Important a subject! 10 ADVICE T0 YOUNG LADIES. The first thing to be considered, in the effo to arrive at correct ideas here, is man’s origin, and the fact of his having fallen from his origi< nal state. Man, in the order of his creation, did not love himself. His love flowed out and sought objects of affection. Supremely he loved God; and next to this love was the love of his fellow-man. That this was so, is plain from the statement made in the Bible, that man was created in the image and likeness of God. Now, God is love; not self-love, but a love of making others happy out of himself. Such being his nature, the beings created by his hand, in his image and likeness, must have been, in their original state, lovers of others more than them- selves, and seekers of the happiness of others. How different is all now! Man not only loves himself supremely, but seeks his own good with an almost total disregard to the good of his neighbor. Nay, his love of self is so strong, that hatred to others too often takes possession of his mind. The fall of man, in which he lost the image and likeness of his Creator, consisted in his ceasing to love God and his neighbor, and becoming a lover of self and the world; and re ligiou is nothing more nor less than the return- ing of man to this true order, and the restoration of the lost image and likeness of God in his -4‘ RIGHT VIEWS OF LIFE. ll mind. Perfect happiness resulted from this true order; and misery has accompanied, and wi.l continue to accompany, its loss. To love self, and to seek for the gratification of selfish ends, never has, and never will, produce happiness; for it is in direct contrariety to the original law of our being. It is opposed to the very nature of things. How important, then, is it, that every young woman, when she first begins to think, should think correctly on this subject, so vital to her happiness! But it is one thing to think right, and another thing to be able to bring right thoughts down into correct actions in our ordi- nary life in the world. To do this is a great achievement; it is, in fact, RELIGION. There is a great deal said about religion; and numerous enough are those who profess to have what they call religion. But, at this day, there is very little of true religion in the world. There are external forms of sanctimoniousness and acts of piety; but these do not make religion, and too often serve only as cloaks for covering up the most direful and soul-destroying selfish- ness. It is no hard matter, however, to distin- guish the true coin from the base counterfeit. There is a test by which the quality of all may be known and this test must be applied to their 12 ~ ADVICE 'ro YOUNG LADIES. every-day, not to their Sunday life. Do they .ove God or self, the neighbor or the world, most? Look at their conduct in all that per- tains to their business and social intercourse with the world, not at what they say, and you will soon be able to decide the question. The tree is easily known by its fruits, the quality of the fountain by the water it sends forth. To be religious is not to be an ascetic, nor is it necessary to give up any of the pleasures or orderly enjoyments of life. The world, not the cloister, is the place where religion can alone find a permanent abiding-place—a real» growth. What is called the religion of the cloister is no religion at all, but mere selfishness— a retiring from actual duty in the world, into an imaginary state of sanctimoniousness. It is only in life’s actualities, in the real every-day business and social contact of man with man, that there can be any genuine religious growth; for religion is love to the neighbor; and all love, to be genuine, must have an actual existence in deeds, as well as in words—must come into exercise in the every-day affairs of life. It is an easy matter for any one to sit in his closet and imagine that he feels a love for all mankind; but let him go into the world, and meet his fellow-man as he is, md feet the encroachments and rude contact of .ENTERING UPON LIFE ~23 domestic duties. One has already been stated. Another reason is to be found in the fact, that, . sooner or later, she will, in all probability, be at the head of a family, when the health, conitart, and happiness of those best beloved by her will depend upon her knowledge of household and domestic economy. This knowledge can only be gained by practical experience. A man, when he marries, is expected to be master of son e business, trade, or profession, by which he can earn sufficient money to. maintain his wife and family in comfort; and a woman,"when she marries, is expected to be able to take charge of her husband’s household, and do her part with as much skill and industry as he does his. That this latter is not always the case, is much to be regretted But few, very few young ladies, at the time of their marriage, know any thing about domestic economy. Not one in ten can bake a ' loaf of good bread, or cook a dinner. In fact, their ignorance on these subjects is a matter, ordinarily, more of pride than shame. We have over and over again hé’aii young ladies boast of their deficiencies on these points, in a way to make it plainly apparent that such deficiency was considered by them as meritorious, instead of censurable. If to be useful —-—if to be able to make ow best and dearest friends comfortable 24 ADVICE T0 YOUNG LADIES. and happy—be disgraceful, then we can under stau—r why such ignorance is a matter of pride, but on no other supposition. A singular error prevails to a very great ex- tent, that there is something degrading in useful domestic employments. Some young ladies would almost as lief be detected in a falsehood, as dis- covered by their young acquaintances, especially of the other sex, in the performance of any house- hold duty. It is no unusual thing to see them with ornamental needle-work in their hands; but you can never find them making a garment, or doing any work that is really needed in the fam- ily. The former is a pleasing pastime, but the latter is something useful, and the useful is esteemed vulgar and. common, and, if engaged in at all, must be done so secretly that no one will have a suspicion of the fact. Besides engaging in, and becoming thoroughly conversant with, domestic afl'airs, there is another matter which every young woman should se riously consider, be her condition in life what it may. In this country, more than in any other, mutability is stamped upon the form and features of society. The rich man of to-day is the poor man of to-morrow, and the poor man of to-day the rich man of to-morrow. There is no perma: nence, no stabil'ty. A man may count his thou- -‘:~' 1“, \. ENTERING URN use. 25 lands—may lay his hand firmly upon his wealth. "and be sure of holding it in a firm grasp; but in a few years his gold has all melted away like snow-wreaths in the sunshine. Why this is so, is not the question now to be discussed. The fact, is, the thing that demands most serious con— sideration. No woman can know at what period of her life reverses may overtake those upon whom she is dependent for all her external com- forts. Her father may become poor while she yet lingers in the old homestead, or her husband ~ may be reduced from affluence to poverty, at a time when children are springing up around her with their thousand wants, few of which can now be supplied. And worse than all this, death ofien‘comes in and strikes down the very prop 7 V and stay of life, leaving the widow and mother . ‘ friendless and penniless. ~‘ “ \Vhy should I think of these things now?! i , ' asks a light-hearted maiden. “If I am to have trouble like this, it will be bad enough when it ' comes, I will be happy while I can.” That such trouble, if it should ever come to you, may be lighter and more easily borne, is the reason why it is alluded to now. The sailor, when he puts forth to sea, does not know that he will encounter a storm. But he know: that storms do frequently occur, and that manr x 26 ADVICE T0 YOUNG LADIES. ships have been lost. With wise forethought, he provides himself with boats, in case his ship should be wrecked; he has all his rigging in such perfect order, that his sails can be furled at a moment’s warning, on the approach ofa storm, so that nothing but spars and ropes can be ex- nosed to its fury. By such wise precautions, he is able, if a tempest arise, in most cases, to save his ship and the lives of all in it. Life is a voyage, and to most of us a rough and stormy one. In commencing this voyage, let each one emulate the wisdom, prudence, and - forethought of the sailor.- \‘Thepweaker we ,are, and the leSs able tn'endure: the shock _of a tem. ' pest, the more careful should we be that every ' thing is right before we push off from the shore I It is clear, then, that, in the beginning of life, 7 a woman who has less ability to contend in the ‘ 'vaOrId, and is more exposedto evils-and hard- ships, should reverses ‘come, ought to furnish“ herself thoroughly with; the means of self-suste- nance and self-protection. This she can only :do by acquiring some knowledge or skill, the exercise of which will enable her to supply not , i ' ionly her own wants, but the wants of all who " may be dependent upon her. There is no time in which this can be done so wel as in the few years which succeed the period of a young lady’ c \ ENTERING WON urn. , 27 final wiiadrawal from school. These vears ought to be employed by all, no matter how high their station, in thoroughly mastering some branch of knowledge, u.’ in acquiring some skill, from the exercise of which, as a regular employment, should necessity ever require it to be done, a livelihood may be obtained. ' [ Those young ladies who have had the advan- ages of a liberal education will find it only necessary to take up some one of the branches to which they have been giving attention, and per- fect themselves in that. To some, music will present the best means of obtaining the desired end,—to others, the languages, and particu- larly the French language. A good French teachercan always obtain a fair salary; and one well skilled in'the principles and practice of musical science willfind no difficulty-in making her skill available, should necessity require her to do so. - _ \J To those who have not enjoyed these advan tages, or who have not sufficient taste for music 7 to enable them to acquire much skill, or for the langua {es to give hope of great proficiency in mastering them thoroughly, some trade, such as dress or bonnet-making, ought, by all means, to be learned. Six months or a year’s devotion to one or the other of these may give the ability. - \ 28 - ADVICE TO YOUNG mores. ' long afterwards, to live in independence, or t: ‘ keep a parent or children above the pressure'oi want. A case in point may give force to what we are trying to impress upon the minds of our readers. ~ .. a. Some years ago, a merchant, who had expe- rienced one or two vicissitudes, and who had seen a good deal of the rising'and falling of fam- ilies around him, was led to think of this subject by seeing the wife of a mercantile friend sud- denly widowed, and left without a dollar in the -worid She had been raised in affluence and I'luxury, and had lived in the same way until' the , death of her husband, whose estate proved to be bankrupt. *7 Poverty found her without any re- _ Jources in herself. She had three children de- _ Eupendent upon her for sust nance and education; but she could do nothing to sustain and. educate “ 2 them The consequence Was, that they were all separated from her . a distant relative took one, : a friend of her husband’s another, and the third, I ' a boy thirteen years of age, was apprenliccd to a trade; while the mother, almost broken-hearted, ' sought refuge from want in the family of a poor i cousin. r , , ~ - - - , The merchant. had three daughters The two oldest had just left school, and were licparing to .. corne 0‘" “1’0“ the “FM," “ageiand take thei.r ENTERING UPON LIFE. 29 places as women. He possessed consrderable wealth, and was doing a large, and, he believed, a safe business. But he had seen enough of life to be satisfied of the uncertainty of all things, and of the wisdom of making every possible pro vision for the future. “Jane,” he said to his oldest daughter, one day, “I have been thinking a good deal about you and Edith lately, and have at last come to a conclusion that may surprise you. It is se- riously my opinion that you ought to qualify yourselves fully for gaining your own livelihoods, in case any reverse should meet you in after life.” Jane was the daughter of a rich man, and had all her life been so far removed from any thing . like want, that the idea of ever being in the situation supposed by her father, had not once entered her mind. His remark might well 00- casion surprise, as it did. Jane looked doubt- ingly into her father’s face for a few moments, and then said, — “Is there any danger of such a ~reverse. father?” “ There is nothing certain in this life, Jane. Out of every ten families raised in affluence, at least one half, perhaps two thirds, are reduced to poverty, often even before the younger members ENTERING UPON LIFE. 2. on hand. Thus his wealth diminishes as tap idly as it had accumulated, and, in the course 01 one or two years, the rich man is poor. Still the instances in which men retain their wealtl throughout life are not rare. Many large for tunes are divided among children at the death of their parents. But the instances are rare, indeed, in which these children retain the wealth they have inherited longer than a few years.” “ Can this be really so!” inquired the daugh ter, with much surprise. “It is a truth known to all who have lived long enough to make any observations on the state of society around them,” replied the father. “ It is only a few days since I noticed 'this re- mark in one of the newspapers, founded upon the very fact to which I have just alluded— ‘ Nothing, afier all, is the best legacy a man can leave his children in this country.’ ” I “ Why nothing, father? ” “ Because a man with nothing feels the neces- sity of exertion, and wealth is the result of in- telligent, unremitting exertion. But a young man who inherits wealth does not feel this ne- cessity. He rarely makes a sagacious, enterpris- ing, business man, and is almost sure to lose all he has in a very few years. Usually, such a one 30 _ ADVICE 'ro YOUNG LADIES. have attained their majority. Do you see that young woman who has just rung the bell at the I house opposite? ”__ “ Yes, sir; she is a seamstress, and works for 1 Mrs. .” ~ ~ g I i “ Do you know who she is? ” “ No, sir.” ' “That poor girl,_Jane, who now goes Out to, sew for her living, is the daughter of a man who was once considered among the richest of our merchants. But he lost all he possessed, and _:,died penniless.” . “Indeed!” fl i i L “ Yes, Jane. And I- could point you 'to mo.e chan a dozen such instances. The tenure by .which wealth is held in this country is a very luncertain one. Industry, enterprise, and sa- ggacity in business, are almiist sure to make a man rich; but they do not always prove suf- ficient for the retention of wealth. It sometimes happens that a man goes on, year after year, suc- cessful-in every thing. Whatever he touches turns, to ‘use a common saying, into gold._ Then _a change comes. Every thing goes wrong. Men to whom he has'sold goods for years, and who have always paid him promptly, f'ail. He sends .an adventure to sea, and meets a heavy loss, Prices. fall while_he has a large stock of goods. \ 32 run on T0 YOUNG mum-is marries into a rich family, and o‘btains‘therehy a good addition to‘ his wealth. But the more he gets in this way, the more extended, generally, become his business operations, and the more certain hisiultimate ruin.” aging one, at least,” said the daughter, half smiling, half serious. ’ , “ But you may depend upon its being a true one,” replied her father. “All thatI describe ,1 have seen [over and over again, in real life.”_ “Then we are in as much danger of being '53reduCed to poverty as any around us.” -'~' "‘Just as much, Jane. Twice have I lost every dollar I possessed in the world. Years . I. and severe experience have made me more wary and prudent than I was earlier in life, and the chances of my retaining what I now have are .quite in my favor. . But I shall pass away, long, it may be, before you, and you will receive and ‘commit into the hands of another the portion of ‘my property that will fall to your share. .As I have been unfortunate, sot-nay he; and from ' "~-._»-ease andaflluence you‘may sink into poverty. God grant that it may not be so,” the father 'said with emotion, "‘ but the chances are greatly 1n favor of its occurrence. Warned in time, my child, as you now are, if you are wise, 34.," ,. ,, «, ...\\,» . v. .4,_ ’ “ The picture you draw is not a very encour- ENTERING UPON LiFE. 33 you will prepare yourself, while you can, for meeting even such a sad reverse of fortune. You have abilities of some kind, that may be so improved as to be to you a means of subswtence. should all external sources fail. - W'isely improve them while you can. The very act of doing so will give you more real pleasure than you now suppose.” . I This wise counsel was not lost. Both Jane and her sister Edith had the good sense to un- derstand their father, and the decision to act fully up to the spit it of his advice. To one of them he recommended the thorough study of , ' French, Spanish, and Italian, and to the other \ music; but the tastes of neither of them seemed to lie much in this way. Somewhat to the dis- appointment of their father, and\the utter aston- ishment of their gay young friends, Jane com? 7' menced. learning the millinery, and Edith the dress-making business; and they. persevered steadily for a year in what they had undertaken, going four days in each week to the work-rooms of .a fashionable milliner and dress-maker, and gaining a knowledge of the art and mystery they — I sought to acquire by actual labor with their hands. Five years had not elapsed from this period, before, in one of the periodical commercial I!- 8 34 "ADVICE To YOUNG LADIES. Svulsions to which this country is subjected, the father lost every dollar he possessed. This mis- fortune was followed by one still more severe and afflicting; a stroke of the palsy deprived " ‘ him of all physical power, and shut him up,a permanent invalid, in his chamber. Soon after the occurrence of these unlocked- for and saddening events, Jane and Edith issued circulars, announcing their intention to com- mence the millinery and dress-making business. V and had them distributed among their old . ""-'fI’-and fashionable acquaintances. The two girls i 2 had always been remarked for their exquisite taste in dress: this fact, added to the two others, their reverses, and their piactical knowledge of the business they had under-- -E,.,taken, at once brought them as much as their, iii-hands could do, and, in a very short time, so ' ‘ ‘filled their rooms with work, that they were. 7 obliged to employ from fifteen to twenty assist- ants. It was not, long before their establish- “ ment was the largest and most 'ashionable in the city, because their taste was good, and their skill was equal to their taste. The result need hardly be stated. Neither want nor privation,‘ except such as were imposed by sickness, visited the parent, for whom they had a most tender Ifl'ection." Their household was sot broxen up .a‘ ». .‘ ’5 '4'». -t‘..‘-:__ ~ g ENTERING UPON LIFE. , 35 nor were any of the advantages of a liberal edu. cation withheld from the younger members of the family. The income from the sisters business was ample for all their wants, and it was dispensed with the most unselfish freedom. Can any young lady, no matter how morbidly sensitive she may be about the false opinions of fashionable acquaintances, feel otherwise than proud of such representatives of her sex as Jane and Edith ’l :Did they not act well and wisely? If every young lady, be her station as high as it may, would qualify herself for gaining , a livelihood in some useful calling or pursuit, as ' ' they did, the yearly reverses that visit so many families would bring far less of suffering, both bodily and mental, than now result from these ~ causes. A man without a trade or profession, who is thrown suddenly upon his own resources, "' finds it a very hard matter to keep his head l‘airly above the water. A woman reduced to the same condition is, in every respect, far more helpless. But we need urge this point no fur- ther. If, from what has already been presented, heed will not be taken by the young, nothing ' further that we could say would be of any avail. To be useful is the highest achievement of our lives, and the only certain means of becoming happy. If every young woman could be made "A.” ' ' 36 - ADVICE T0 YOUNG LADIES. ‘ i to comprehend“ this vital truth, tnere would he " ~ far less of doubt hanging over her future. Fewer ~ disappointments, and‘ more of life’s blessings, would be in store for her. If,.instead of seek- mg for pleasure, as the chief object in view, she _ t, ., . would seek to be useful in her sphere of life, she ’ ‘ i would lay 1n her mind the basis of a true char- acter, that active virtue would build up into a beautiful, harmonious, and ever-to—be—loved and 'admired superstructure of moral excellence and , beauty. Wherever her path through the world > f . ‘ ‘ might leal her, blessings would attend her way; i . I and, in blessing others, she would herself be Lgidoubly blessed. 9 a -_ : J _ v' CHAPTER 11v ' ’ HABITS, or ORDER AND V’NEVATNESS.” , T1113 habits of early life are those that remain 4 ‘ .L with us longest. In fact, it is almost impossible, afterwards, fully to correct them, if badu Habits of order are among the most important that can \ be formed; for, without them, every efl'ort made it" through life to accomplish any thing will be him 3 dated by defects. In seeking to form these ~ 39 HABITS 0F ORDER AND NEATNESS. 37 habits, if a disposition to be orderly do not exist, a young lady should begin by having in her own room a place for etery thing, and next she should be very careful always to have every thing in its place. This will require a little thoughtful arrangement at first, and afterwards call for only a moderate degree of resolutionand watchfulness. The fact of being in a hurry should never be admitted as an excuse for break- ing through this rule. The time gained by throwing a thing down upon the bed, a chair, or a table, instead of restoring it to its appropriate place in the drawer, or closet, is so small that it is not worth considering. Fifteen or twenty! seconds, or a minute at most, are always suf- ficientvfor this purpose. A proper regard for time is a thing of great importance, and absolutely necessary to the for-. mation of an orderly habit of, doing things. ‘ Some persons will waste one hour, and then crowd into the next the duties of both. Of course, the duties are discharged imperfectly It could not be otherwise. This habit is the parent of much disorder. How often is it the case that a young lady has an engagement to pay some visits with a friend, for whom she is to call at a certain hour. The friend is ready pre- cisely at the time appointed but the young lad] 88 ADVICE T0 YOUNG LADIES. does not make her appearance for thirty or forty minutes. “0 dear!” she exclaims, coming in all out of breath, and exhibiting sundry defects in her toilet arrangements, “I hope I haven’t kept you waiting. I got so interested 1n :1 book, that I entirely forgot the time, until I heard the clock strike the hour at which I was to be here. 'Ihave had almost to throw my clothes on, and no doubt look like a perfect fright!” Again, the same young lady is making .a visit, and be- ?comes so much interested in her c1n1panions that she lets the hour at which she is to take her ' JJeSson in French or music go by, ‘eaVing her teacher to wait impatiently for her, and neglect- ing a matter of real importance for the enjoy- .' ;, 1ner1t,it may be, of a little frivolous chit-chat. There 15 a time for all things, as well as a place ,places, are essential to the orderly and efficient discharge of life’s most serious as well as most trivial duties. The importance of orderly habits is never K .~,f,fully understood by the young who have friends to care for them and supply their wants. But ~ there comes a time in life when duties, various _ and pressing, meet a woman at every turn— . duties which it will be impossible for her to :' ‘ for every thing, and the doing of things at proper _‘ times, and the keeping of things in their proper.” HABITS 0F ORDER AND NEATNESS. 39 discharge well, unless all be done in an orderly series. If thus done, they will rarely seem bur- densome. It is the confiiction of duties that frets the mind, not the number of them, and there is always this confliction where there is no habit of order. One of the strongest reasons for urging upon the young the formation of habits of order, is the indisputable fact, that at the time in life when such habits are most needed, it is almost, if not quite, impossible to form them, the opposite habit of disorder having become, by long indulgence, too fixed for eradication. Want of order in a woman is not a defect the evils of which are visited upon herself alone. Every woman, as well as every man, must lead an active life, in some sphere or other. Nearly every thing that we do has reference to and affects others. There is scarcely a single action ,‘ that is not felt, with the good or evil that apper- tains to it, by others. If, from any cause, we perform our allotted offices in the world defec- tively, we do others a wrong; and defect must attend every effort, which is not made and con- tinued in an orderly way. If the mother have no habits of order, will not her children suffer In consequence? If the wife have similar de .5618, will they not be felt by her husband“ 40 ADVICE '1‘0 YOUNG LADXES. Such must be the inevitable result, not only in these instances, but in every thing that pertains to a woman’s domestic and social relations. Order, then, is the essential prerequisite of every truly efficient action. Without it, nothing can be done well; with it, there is no duty in life that may not be rightly performed. With- out it, the lightest task is burdensome; with it, that which to look at seems almost herculean becomes a matter of easy accomplishment. But let it not be forgotten that the habit of order must be'formed in early "years. When / , life’s most serious duties press upon the mind and demand the exercise of all its energies, there 1s no time to think about systems of order, and little inclination to attempt doing so. i N eatness almost invariably accompanies order; 7, indeed, the one is nearly inseparable from the ' other When we see a neat person, we expect to find one who Is orderly 111 all her habits, and We are rarely mistaken. Neatness in dress should be regarded as much as neatness in everv thing that 1s done. A want of neatness, as Well as a want of order, shows a defect in the mind ~ 3" i the correction of which 13 essential to happiness. ,The only way to correct any such defect is to I act in opposition to it. Into every action there * Inst come down, as its principle of. life, some HABITS or ORDER AND NEATNESS. 4 power or faculty of the mind. If, insteau of doing every thing carelessly, and letting all things around us fall into confusion, we compel ourselves to act with order and neatness, an orderly principle of the mind comes into activ- ity, in an orderly form of ultimate life, and the disorderly principle, finding no form in the ulti- mate life for its activity, lies dormant on the cir- cumference of the mind, and, un-‘ecs there be a relapse into disorderly action, will lie there for- ever dormant. We would urge upon our young readers most earnestly to reflect upon what we have just said, and to endeavor, before passing on, to fully un- derstand it; for the last paragraph we have written contains the most simple, and, at the same time, the only true philosophy of reforma- tion. It is applicable as well to the whole life, and all that appertains to it, as to the particular thing to which we have applied it. It is only by compelling ourselves to act right, that we can do any thing towards correcting the inherited dis- orders of our minds. We may have right ‘thoughts, but if we only think right, and make no efl'o't to do right, we do not advance a single step in the work of reformation. This is .3 reason why we so often meet With ‘2 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADXES. persons who seem fully to understand the theory of right living, but who actually live in a manner very different from the ideal perfection which they presented with so much vividness and beauty. We remember once hearing a lady discourse with great eloquence on the use and power of order in all domestic arrangements. She spoke of its effects upon childrenpand drew a most glowing picture of a family in which order reigned in all things supreme. Some months afterwards, on becoming more intimately acquainted with this lady, who was a woman of ‘ some literary attainments, we ancepted an invita— f " " . tion to take tea and spend an evening with her. ' ys The conversation alluded to was still fresh in our recollection, and we fully expected to see a family-model of neatness and order. But 'we . _ 'gwere sadly disappointed. Worse behaved chil? I ' dren, or a more disorderly household we have never seen. - The mother was a. capital thinker. but that was all nonas'rtc AND CULINARY AFFAIRS. ‘43 CHAPTER V. DOMESTIC AND CULINARY AFFAIRS. A BRIEF allusion has already been maue to domestic duties. But their importance requires some more particular reference. At the outset, it may be as well to notice a singular, but very prevalent error, which has, strangely enough, crept into the minds of a great many, especially those who have acquired some literary taste, and have imbibed the modes of thinking of a certain philosophical school of literary ladies. This error lies in the notion that there is something in domestic duties, that, if not actually degrad- ing to a refined and intelligent woman, is rather below the plane of her true SOClal sphere. The ’ consequence is, that to housekeepers, and nurses, and cooks, are given up, not only the actual doing of all that pertains to the household econ- omy; but their intelligence, such as it is, and their government, pervade the whole, instead of the intelligence and government of the true mis- tress and head of the family. Men who not only see, but deeply feel, the evils arising from this error, and who strongly 44 ADVICE To YOUNG moms ' condemn it, as accused of wishing to degrade woman into the condition of a mere hcusehold drudge. But this is altogether a false issue: A household drudge, and a woman who rightly governs in her own family, are very difl'erent. But it is not to be concealed that 'no'woman \ can properly govern in her family, and lead a, life of idleness. The one is incompatible with the other. She can no more do it than a man can carry on his business successfully without _ _, . industry and attention. To prepare‘himself to / of that calling in life by which he expects to sustain himself and all who may be dependent woman. Her sphere of use is in the domestic when the time comes for her to assume them than he would be to discharge his duties, if he were alike neglectful ' x be, perhaps, in a comparison of what a man has 5 to do 1n busineSs and a woman at home, and to dec1de whether the one is more burdensome and .l‘m honorable than the other. We will take a p . do this, a man has, early in 'life,‘ to spend years i ~' in attaining to 'a full_a'nd practical knowledge on him ; and the same must be true of every p and home circle, and she must pass throngh a like course of preparation; or she _will be 1163 ,mOre able to discharge her duties efficiently, r The simplest mode of viewing this matter may i i 1. BODIESTIC AND CULINARY AFFAIRS. 45 norekeeper, for instance— a grocer or a dry goods’ dealer. He has served, in the first place, an apprenticeship at the business, industriously worling with his hands, as well as with his mind, for ne, two, three, or four years. At length, he go}- into business for himself, and, after a few ytars, takes a wife, and makes her the mistress of his household. His business we will suppose to be successful. This beingthe case, we know that he must diligently attend to it, and give it the strength of his very best thoughts. Early in the morning, he goes to his store, and there he remains through the day, except when called out, on business, or during a brief intermission of his duties for dinner. He stands at his counter, and serves out his goods to his customers; he looks over his accounts, and sees that all is done cor- rectly; be carefully_ watches the markets, in order to buy with safety. In fact, all the 7 powers of his mind and body are devoted to his business. He knows that there is no other way of success. If he were to pause to take his case, or to think about the drudgery of his'life, he knows too well that all would be in danger, —- that he would be ‘unable to secure, for those best beloved by him, the comforts he now brings into his household. Now, is it requiring too much of the wife of 46 ADVICE .TO YOUNG LADIES. such a man— is it degrading her into a house- hold d'udge —-to ask her to see that, when he comes home wearied from his store, his meals are in time, and well and healthily cooked‘?;—— to ask her to think of his comfort, and to even work some with her hands to secure for him this comfort, if it can be done 1n no other way? 'Does she degrade herself by consulting his appe- tite, for instance, and seeking to gratify him by having something on the table that she knows I will please him”! or by seeing that order and com- fort are in all parts of her household? We can- " not believe that any woman truly loves her hus- band, who leaves all these matters to the cook or the housekeeper. What do they know of his peculiar tastes, or, knowing, care? They do - their part for hire; but she should do her part ’ for love, and love is ever seeking some new mode \ ,x\ ‘ I“ L :of blessing its object x»: :1-1. ‘1 How there is any thirig more degrading in, inaking up and baking a loaf Of bread, for in- stance, or in thinking about and giving direc— tions for a dinner, than in selling goods over the counter, is something inconceivable to us 1’ False, indeed, are her ideas of life, Who can See any degrading distinctions here. .In matters of ‘ this kind, our modern ladies have reached a degree of refinement far in'advance of the ladies ,..-1.‘- 7‘ ,~.1‘ "‘ -‘ ‘-« , -: M'L. “._ '. ’-O DOMESTIC AND CULINARY AFFAIRS. 47 of former times, whose chief pride consisted in their being thoroughly acquainted with every branch of household economy. Nor were they less intelligent than those of the present day, who eschew these things as below them. . In order that she may be qualified to act well her part in life, a young lady should acquire a thorough knowledge of all domestic and culinary affairs, so that, even if she should never be re- quired by circumstances to go into the kitchen to cook a dinner, she will yet be able to give directions how to do it, and know when it is properly done. No one knows what a day may bring forth. Life is ascene of perpetual changes We have known ladies who have been raised in entire freedom from labor, suddenly reduced to poverty, and compelled, for a time, to do what might well be called household drudgery, or see . - .heir husbands. and children subjected to the aeverest privations. ' And even where no such revierse, but only a change from one section of the country to another, has taken place, the necessity for a practical knowledge of everv thing pertaining to housekeeping is frequently foupd to exist. ' A very beautiful and delicately-raised girl was married, not long since, ’0 a young man on the 48 ‘ ADVICE T0 ,Yonne names. eve of his departure, with a stock of goods, to a small but thriving town in the west. Her parents were in moderate circumstances; but she was their only daughter, and they had raised her most tenderly. Every dollar that could be spared was expended on her education; The highest accomplishments were sought for her. At the time of her marriage, she was a young, slender, sylph-like creature, that looked as ’if time had never showered any thing but blossoms on her head. She could dance with the grace » of a fairy, perform with great skill upon the piano, harp, or guitar, and sing exquisitely But she knew as little about housekeeping as a boy just let loose from school. A few weeks after their marriage, the young couple started for their new home in the west. On arriving there, they found alittle village of '. ' ‘ three or four hundred inhabitants, in which was . «hiya stage-house, or tavern, kept by a drunken Irish— ' man. ~At this house they were compelled to stay for two or three weeks, until their furniture ’arrived There was no other warding-place in the village. By the time their furniture was re- . ceived, they had rented the only vacant house there was. This was a. small frame tenement containing four rooms, two below and two above. It stood alone, on the outskirts of the r DOMESTXC AND CULINARY AFFAIRS. ‘9 village. Without, all was cheerless enough. The yard contained about an eighth of an acre, and was enclosed by a post and rail fence. There was upon it no tree nor shrub; but plenty of rubbish from the house, which had just been built. Inside, every thing was as meagre and common as could well be. There were win- dows, but no shutters; rooms, but no closets; walls, but no paper—not even whitewash. All was as brown and coarse as when it came from he hands of the plasterer. The young bride shed many tears in prospect of being compelled to occupy so miserable and lonely a place, and the young husband was made to feel as wretched as could well be, in consequence. At length their furniture arrived; but there were no upholsterers to make and put down the ‘ carpets. Nor could any body, with the ability to ply a needle, be obtained, in the village, to do the work. After yarions efforts and inquiries on the subject, the bride was coolly told by a plain-spoken matron, that she guessed she would have to make her carpet herself, adding, “ People in these ’ere parts have to help themselves.” The making and putting down of carpets was more serious work than she had been used to, or ever thought of doing. But it was out of the questionrto think of living on bare floors: 30, £ a 50 ADVICE T0 YOUNG LADIES. afier taking a good hearty cry to herself, she went to work, and, 'after two or three days of steady application, got the carpets made and tacked down, It is not to be denied that some of the figures were a long ways from matching, and that a number of rough places in the seams attested the young lady’s want of skill in such matters. But the work was done, after a fashion, and that was a good deal. The bedsteads were» then put up, the furniture arranged, and the young couple took possession of their new home. But here anew and undreamed-of difficulty ’arose. A servant could not be had for lo_ve nor money. There was not a woman in the village who had any help, unless she were fortunate enough to have a grown-up daughter, a niece, or ‘ an unmarried sister living with her. . “What am I to do?” asked the bride in 'V despair, after she fully understood the disabil- ities with which'housekeeping wasto be attend- ed. “ I can’t cook and do all the work about the house. I never got a meal’s victuals in my life.” 7' .“ We can go back to the tavern and continue boarding, I suppose,” said the young husband, uttering what he did with great reluctance; for the accommodations at the stage-house were httlc better than no accommodations at all. pt DOMESTIC AND CULINARY AFFAIRS. 51 “I wouldn’t be paid to stay another night in that house,” was the quick reply. “The worst fare we can have here Will be better than going back to that wretched place.” “I fully agree with you,” said the husband ‘Bread and water here would be preferable to the richest food there. Try and do the best you can, and I will help you all I know how. It would be a pity, it seems to me, if two young people, with health, and the means of living as we have, could not take care of themselves.” So it seemed to the young wife; but, then, how was she to do at all? She could make a 1 cup of tea, but that was about the most ‘she could do. As to baking a loaf of bread, she knew no more about doing it than if she had never heard of bread; and the cooking of meat, or the making of pies or puddings, were mys- 7 teries of the culinary art far beyond her compre- ‘hension. The attempt to buy bread for the first meal proved unavailing. There was no baker yet in the village. The effort to beg or borrow was more successful. The young man called in at the house of their nearest neighbor, and frankly stated his difliculty. The woman to whom he applied understood the position of ".a young auple in a moment She was of the 52 ADVICE T0 YOUNG LADIES. better sort, and not only supplied them ’with a couple of large fresh loaves of good bread, but promised to step_over in the morning, and give the inexperienced bride some little instruction in household affairs. She was as good as her word, and her young scholar was quite an apt one; The situation in which the latter found herself so "unexpectedly placed caused ‘her to reflect upon and to be ashamed of her deficiencies. ' She had spent years in the acquirement of va- f—V-rious branches of information, many'of them , little better than useless , but not one of them . '»_.was now available in this her first essay in life. Her education had been confined almost en- tirely to the ornamental, while the useful had . been totally neglected. She had married, and _ commenced the world with her‘husband. 4He‘: v. V , was fully prepared to do his part, but she was_":* "‘i”'~",entirely deficient in ability to do hers. " But she had the merit of possessing afair proportion of common sense; had some quickness of percep- tion, ° and. being willing to do the best she could, was not long, under the kind instruction of her neighbor, in acquiring a very fair knowledge of housekeeping. For six months, she did all her own ,cooking, baking, washing, and ironing. There was no help for it; unless she did it, it 'vwould have ’to remain undone. j After that,"she \ DOMESTIC AND CULINARY AFFAIRS 58 Was fortunate enough to obtain a good domestic, brought from the East by her husband, when he went on to purchase goods. A little previous instruction in housekeepng affairs would have saved this person from a good deal of mortification, trouble, and perplexity. A friend of ours, remarkable for his strong good sense, married a very accomplished and fashionable young lady, attracted more by her beamy and accomplishments that. by any thing else. In this, it must be owned that his strong good sense did not seem very apparent. His wife, however, proved to be a very excellent com< panion, and was deeply attached to him, though she still loved company, and spent more time abroad than he exactly approved. But, as his income was good, and his house furnished with a full supply of domestics, he was not aware of any abridgments of comfort on this account, and he therefore made no objection to it. , One day, some few months after his marriage, our friend, on coming home to dinner, saw no appearance of his usual meal, but found his wife in great trouble instead. “ VVhat’s the matter?” he asked. “ N ancy went off at ten o’clock this morning,” replied his wife, “ and the chamber-maid known .yj’ 54 _ honor: TO YOUNG LADIES. no more about cooking a dinner than the man in the moon.’ ~ “ Couldn’t she have done it 1111\ch your direc- tion?” inquired the husband, very coolly. “Under my direction? Goodness! I should like to see a dinner cooked under my direction.” “ Why so?” asked the husband in surprise “\ou certainly do not mean that you cannot cook a dinner.” “I certainly do, then,” replied his wife. “ How should I know any thing about cooking?” The husband was silent, but his look of aston- 7 . i - ishment perplexed and worried his wife ‘ f “‘ '- “ You look very much surprised,” she said, after a moment or two had elapsed. ,- ‘fAnd so 1 am,” he answered, “as much isur- , prised as I should be at finding the captain of _ .- i Cone of my ships unacquainted withhavigation. ,1 Don’t know how to cook, and the‘mistress of a ' ' ' family! Jane, if there is a'cooking school any where in the city, go to it, and complete your education, for it is deficient in’a very important particular.” , The wife was hurt and offended at the words ,I and manner of her husband; but She soon got over this. The next time the cook went away, there was no t ouble about the dinner. ‘ ' r \ “1. nomns'rm AND CULINARY AFFAIRS. 55 , in. er ordinary circumstances, a woman whose nusband enjoys a moderate income has no need to do much in the way of cooking; but as most of the domestics to be obtained know very little about this very important branch of house- hold economy, it is absolutely necessary that the mistress of a family should herself be able to give the most particular directions on the subject -— should, in fact, know how to cook every dish ordinarily served'upon the table. But there are , occasions when to no second hand should be delegated the task of preparing certain articles of food. We now allude to sickness. No hand but the. hand of a wife should prepare the food of her husband when he is sick; and no hand but the hand of a mother, the food of her child A remembrance of the badly-prepared, tasteless ‘food, which almost every woman has had served to her, in sickness, from her own cook, will be felt as asufficient reason for this declaration‘ To cook for the sick requires an experienced hand. A woman who knows nothing at all about cook- ing will fail entirely in the attempt, and if her husband be sick, he will be fortunate, indeed, if he can take more than a few spoonfuls of the tea, or a few morsels of the toast, that is brought to his bedside as he begins to convalesce. If for no other purpose, a young lady should 56 ADVICE 'ro YOUNG LADIES. learn the art of cooking, in order that she may 'be able to prepare the food of her parent, her brother, her sister, or, at some future time, the food of her husband, when sick. This may seem a little matter. .But no one who has been sick will think it so. , ' ‘ ’This subject is one that admits of a great deal more being said on it than we have brought for- ward. Enough to cause every thinking young woman to reflect seriously on its importance, has, however, been introduced It must not be inferred that we would shut every woman up,a -‘f,pr1soner in her house, and cause her to devote j every hour of her time to domestic duties. All we contend for is, that a woman should govern ‘ 1n her household, as fully as a man governs in f _ ,his store, oflice, counting-room, manufactory, or 1 workshop, and that, ’in order to do this, she . __ should qualify herself beforehand for her par- ticular dunes, as he has to qualify himself for his NPROVEMENT OF THE MIND. 5‘? CHAPTER VI. XMPROVEMENT OF THE M ND. We often find two persons, who have been equally well educated at school, one of whom is greatly in advance of the other, in point of in- telligence. This does not always arise from the superior ability of one, but because one of them had read, thought, and» observed, more than the other. What we gain at school is only the means of becoming wise and useful. If we let it lie inactive in our minds, it will do us no good. How quickly does a young lady lose her power over the piano, if she neglect the instru- ment! How soon is a language forgotten, if we do not attempt to speak or write it! And this is true of' nearly every thing that. is acquired at school. It lies merely in the outer court of the memory, and does. not enter and make any permanent impression upon the mind, until it is practised and made‘useful in every-day life. We often hear it said of a woman, in societv, that she is a well-educated woman; and the in- ference usually drawn is, that she has received a liberal education at school. But the‘remark 58 ADVICE T0 YOUNG LADIES. means something more; it means that she is a reading, observing, and reflecting woman. Hun- dreds have their memories crowded with the rudiments of an education, that lie there as in- active as food in the stomach of a-dyspeptic;. and they imagine themselves to be well edu- cated; but it is all an imagination. To be well educated is something very different from this. All-real improvement of the mind commences ‘ at the time we first begin to think for ourselves; g and this is after we have lefl: school At school, _we merely acquire the means to be used in that V true and higher order of education which every one must gain for himself. It matters not how many studies a young lady may have pursued at school, nor how thoroughly she may have mas- tered all she attempted to learn: if, after leaving schdol, she do not read, Observe, and think, she will never make an intelligent woman. In every company a young lady will find two .classes of persons, distinctly separated from each *other. If she mingle with those of one class, she will find their conversation to Consist almost ' _ entirely of light and frivolous remarks on peo‘ ple’s habits, dress, and manners, with the occa- - sional introduction of a graver theme, that is 'quickly set aside, or treated with a levity entirely , at variance with its merits. _But if she mingle, _ \ IMPROVEMENT on THE Miss. 59 With those of the other class, she will find her- self at once upon a higher plane, and be An- pressed with the pleasing consciousness that she has a mind that can think and feel interested in subjects of general and more weighty interest. An hour spent with the one class leaves her mind obscure and vacant; while an hour. spent with the other elevates, expands, and strengthens its powers, and causes it to see in a clearer at- mosphere. With one or the other of these classes a young lady is almost sure to identify herself, and rise into an intelligent woman, or remain nearly upon the level she at first occupied. We need not say how important it is for her to identify herself with the right class. Of course, her own tastes and preferences will have much to do in this matter. But, if she incline towards the unthink- . ing and frivolous, she will be wise if she resist such an inclination, and compel herself, for a time, to mingle with those who look upon life with the eye of rational intelligence, and seek to live to some good purpose. The mental food received during the time she thus compels her- self to mingle with them will create an appetite that unsubstantial gossip and frothy chit-chat can no longer satisfy. The importance and necessity of reading need 60 ADVICE 'ro YOUNG LADIES. hardly be affirmed. Its use is fully understood and admitted. But there is great danger of enervating the mind by improper reading. For a young girl to indulge much in novel-reading is a very serious evil. Few of the popular novels of the day are fit to go into the hands of a young and imaginative girl. Apart from the ‘ false views of life which they present, and the false philosophy which they too often inculcate, they lift an inexperienced reader entire-y above the real, from whence she has too little inclina- tion to come down; and whenever she does ‘ - come down, she is unh'appy,‘because she finds g none of the ideal~ perfections around her, with which her imagination has become filled, but is forever coming into rude contact with something that shocks her over-refined sensibilities. Her own condition in life she will be in great danger ’of contrasting 'with that of some favoriteheroine of romance. If she do this,.she will be almost sure to make herself miserable. ,A young lady who indulges much in novel-reading never be- comes a woman of true intelligence. She may be able to converse fluently, and to‘ make-herself at times a very agreeable companion, even, to those who are greatly her superiors; but she has no strength of intellect, nor las she right Views of life - ‘ ‘ IMPROVEMENT OF THE MIND. 6] All works of fiction, however, are not bad. Where the author’s aim is to give right it ews oflife, and to teach true principles, if he possess .the requisite ability to execute his design well, he may do great good. The reading of works of this kind forms not only a healthy mental recreation, but creates a true sympathy in the mind for virtuous actions, and inspires to emula- tion in good deeds. It is by means of this kind of writing that the broadest contrasts between right and wrong are made, and so presented to the reader that he cannot but love the one while he abhors the other Who can read one of Miss Sedgwick’s admirable little books— “ The lioor Rich Man and the Rich Poor Man,” “ Live and Let Live,’ or “ Home,”—without rising from its perusal with healthier views of life, and a more earnest desire in all things to do justly and t to love mercy. Of this class of books them are),l a great many. The novels and tales of Miss Edgeworth, Miss Bremer, Mrs. Howitt, and Mrs. Opie, are good, and may be .read with not only pleasure, but profit, by every young lady. The time spent in their perusal will not be loss. In- d zed, some portion of the time occupied in read- ing just such books, is necessary to a weihbal- anced mind. In reading history, we sympathize only with masses of people, or admire some pow - ‘ 62 ADVICE T0 YOUNG mums. ‘ erful léader; books of philosophy lift the inind up into an abstract region of thought; and poetry warms, inspires, and delights the imagi- nation, while it purifies and refines the taste. All these are necessary to right intellectual cul- ture; they form the very groundwork, solid walls, and inward garniture of a well-educated mind. But if reading be confined to these' alone, there is danger of bedoming cold and unsympathizing—of living in an intellectual world, more than in a real world of people, with like thoughts and like afl'ections‘with ourselves. It is liererthat well-wroughtfiction “comes in _With a humanizing tendencyf‘g‘iving to mania, love for his fellow-man, and inspiring him with a wish to do good. In history, travels, and ‘ biography, we see man on the outside, as it - were, and regard him at a distance, as a think- ,i .7 ing and efl'éctive being; bu in fiction, ’We p'erg ceive'that he is fashioned‘in‘all things as we are; ,that he has like hopes and fears, joys and sor- rows, and like aspirations after the good and the ‘ true, and we are gradually led to feel with and for him as a brother,-——we hold him by the hand, we look in his face, 'we "See the very pul- sations of his heart. All this is 'good'-—~ all'this is necessary to the true formation-of character. But for a young lady t.- limit her reading to \ N IMPROVEMENT OF THE MIND. 63 this order of books, or even to spend a large part of the time allotted to reading to their perusal, will hinder her advancement in mental improvement. She will be very apt, also, to sink into the mere waste of sympathy toward ideal personages, without seeing in them type! of real classes that are in the world, and all around her. _ i All right improvement of the mind will depend upon the leading motive which a young lady has in view, when she reads, thinks, or observes, with a careful eye, what passes around her. If her end be to acquire the power of conversingi intelligently on yarious topics, and of exhibiting an acquaintance with books, in order to appear well in society, or to gain the reputation of being an intellectual and well-read woman, her ad- vancement will not be as real as she supposes. All knowledge has its appropriate sphere of ‘ action, and that is in the doing of something useful; and until it comes into this its true sphere, it never rises into intelligence. If therefore, a Woman reads and thinks merelg with an end to be thought wise, she never be- comes more than a mere pedant, who betrays, on all occasions, the shallowness of her preten sions; but if she use the truth she acquires in seeking to advance the cause of truth for the 64 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. sake of the power it gives to do good, the!) is she in the way of becoming intelligent and wise. ‘ ‘3 M-.- A woman of true intelligence is a blessing a: ‘ home, in her circle of friends, and in society. Wherever she goes, she carries with her a health- ’ ‘ giving influence. There is a beautiful harmony _ about her character that at once inspires a re- spect which. soon warms into love. The inc fluence of such a woman upon society is of the pi most salutary kind. She strengthens right- prin- ciples in the virtuous, incites the selfish and in- different to good actions, and gives to even the light and frivolous a taste for food more substan- tial than-the frothy gossip with which‘they seek ! to recreate their minds. fl) To give particular rules for self-improvement, and to specify the books to be read, and the order of reading Ohem, is a thing not easily done. Indeed, what would be a right order for one to ’ pursue, Would not suit another; and therefore, we shall: not attempt to lay down any rules on this subject. Extensive reading is all” very good; but right thinking on what We read, even if the amount be small, is far better. The only sound advice we are prepared to give is, for a young -'ady to suffer herself to be attracted towards the class of intelligent persons which she will always find in society, and to which we have alluded in A. EXTERNAL CONDITION 65 this chapter. If she permit herself to become interested in the subjects that interest them, and be guided by what they mainly approve, she will find no difficulty in the choice of books. And if she seek improvement more from a love of truth than to be thought intelligent, she will soon be able to see truth so clearly in the light of her own understanding, as to be at no loss in making right discriminations on nearly all sub- jects that are presented to her mind. CHAPTER VII. EXTERNAL CONDITION. THE lina of distinction, on account of con- dition, are more clearly drawn in reference to women than men, and they are also much more difficult to pass. A poor young girl, without the advantages of education, finds it very difficult to rise above her original condition, while lads in the same circumstances, if they possess quick- ness and intelligence, are almost sure, when they become men, to take a higher place in society, than they seemed at first destined to occupy. 5 766 horren- 'ro YOUNG: LADIES ~ Not one cause alone, but many causes combined, go to produce this result. There is much of actual disability to rise far above her condition, which tends to keep a young girl down, resulting from want of education, refined and~ intelligent companionship, and the almost invariable neces city for constant and wearying labor with her hands. These all unite to hinder mental im- provement, a cultivation of the taste, refinement of manner, and the attainment of those accom- plishments so indispensable to a woman, and withOut which a poor girl cannot rise above her i first estate in life. But all these combined need I i not hinder her elevation if she will but look up and strive after the attainment of real virtue, in telligence, and grace of mind and body. It 13 not so much the condition into which a young woman is born, that excludes her from familiar intercourse with the intelligent and refined of her own and the other sex, as it is her lack of that intelligence and refinement which is in itself _the social bond of union among them. Pride in those above her is not so strong. to '_ keep her down,fas disabilities and unfitnesses in ”herself. .These,‘ at first, are her misfortunes; ‘ but, afterwards, they may beCome her faults. ~ The mere introduction of one, born and edu, cated in a low condition in life. into the society I . @ EXTERNAL CONDITION. 6‘? nfthose who are born into, or have been elevated into, a higher, more intelligent, and refined con- dition, would )e rather an injury than a benefit, if she were not at the same time gifted with some portion of a corresponding intelligence and re- finement. She could neither give nor receive any thing—could add nothing to the general good and general enjoyment, nor receive any genuine good or true enjoyment in return. The wish to be thus introduced, without the requisite qualifications for such an introduction, has its origin in pride, as much as the wish to keep out from the benefits of refined society those who are in an humble condition, because they are poor and humble, has its origin in pride.- Among the poor, uneducated, and humble, there exists the same natural ability to be refined and intelli- gent, as among those born to a better condition: the difference lies in the difference of means available to each, arising from the peculiarity of external circumstances. ‘ While it is possible for a poor, uneducated girl to become a highly-accomplished and intel- ligent. woman, yet, from the very nature of the disabilities surrounding her, this is a very dith- cult matter, and a thing but rarely attained. The chief end we have in view in particularly Introducing this subject now, is to show that a 68 ADVICE 'ro YOUNG LADIES. certain degree of intelligence and refinement, while it adds to the happiness and means of doing good, is attainable by all, no matter how low their original condition, and should be striven after by all. The influence of an igno- rant, vulgar-minded woman is necessarily bad, whether it be felt by her companions, relatives, husband, or children. As a maiden, she ine spires no virtuous resolves in those with whom she associates; as a wife, she does not elevate the mind of her husband, and make him love what is really excellent, because in her person- ified; as a mother, she does not implant in the minds of her children that love of truth by which, in after life, they may be raised from the baseness and disorder of their. natural condition From this simple fact, it is at once seen, that upon the elevation of woman depends the eleva- tion of the lower classes of society. Every one should bear this in mind, and especially woman herself -— woman in an humble as well as in a high condition. - A young girl who .is poor, and unblessed _, by. the advantages of , a good education, will _ find little to awaken a desire for improvement, refinement, and self-elevation. Nearly all that surrounds her tends to hold her just where she is. Obeying the social law of: her being, she EXTERNAL CONDITION. .69 seeks companions; and these are young persons of her own age, and in a like condition. Too rarely does she find {mong them a desire for self-improvement, and too often a love of what is low and vulgar. The time she passes with them is frequently spent in the most senseless frivolities, or in conversation about dress and beaux, and such matters as tend to give false views of life, and excite the lowest passions. Of the excellence of virtue, the love of being useful to others, the beauty of a modest deport- ment, she hears little, if any thing at all, in this thoughtless circle. There is little to elevate her, little to awaken in her mind an earnest aspiration after the truly good and beautiful; but every thing to hold her where she is, or to drag her down lower. Every one thus situated, however, who really desires to elevate herself above the low position in which she finds herself placed, will always meet with some one or more among her associates of a better class than the rest. If she make these, rather than the others, her companions, she will find much to aid, encourage, and strengthen her. Once in the upward movement, and self. ‘elevation will be, comparatively, an easy thing. To sketch briefly the history of one thus sir. aated, and to show how she elevated herself, will . 7‘0 annex 'ro YOUNG LADIES. make a stronger impression upon the mind than any mere declaration of the means by which. such an elevation is to be gained. This we shall attempt to do. Ann Liston was the daughter of a. poor me- chanic, who had a large family and a small income. The father was industrious, and so was, , his wife; but the income was so small, and the wants so many, that, with all their industry and efforts to save, they could get nothing ahead.“ As soon as Ann was old enough to do any thing useful, she was under the necessity of assisting her mother. She was not over nine years of ‘ age when first obliged to work about the house, or to nurse the baby. But she was handy and willing, and this made her very useful to her mother, notwithstanding she was so young. The condition of Ann necessarily excluded her from the advantages of a good education: She ‘went to school only a few quarters, and merely learned to read and to write a little, besides gaining some small acquaintance with figures. There was nothing at home 'to excite a taste for reading, and few books within her reach to gratify that taste, had it been excited. The whole family library consisted of the Bible, Prayer Book, Pilgrim’s Progress, and one or two old books of history and travel.. The father \ EXTERNAL roum'nox. 71 was not a reading man, nor was the mother at all inclined to books. But both were members of the church, and on Sunday read their Bible, and regularly attended worship with their chil- dren, teaching them to fear God and rev erence sacred things. ‘ At the age of fourteen, Ann went from home to learn .the trade of dress-making. Up to this period, her home duties had been so constant and engrossing as to allow her but little time to mingle with young girls of her own age and condition. Her habits, feelings, and tastes were not, as may be supposed, at all refined, nor was there more than a rough polish to her manners. Five years of pretty constant and pretty hard labor about the house had taken from her limbs and movements the natural grace of childhood, and left her somewhat ungainly and awkward. To counterbalance thesn defects of habit and education, Ann had an honest mind, and pos- sessed a natural independence of thought and action, with some shrewdness, and a good deal of common sense. Thus furnished, she left her father’s house, and went forth to gain an inde- pendent livelihood in the world. Her first ex- periences were rather painful. She found her- self in the midst of some ten or fifteen young girls, from her own age up to twenty, all en 72 ADVICE T0 YOUNG LADIES- gaged, like herself, in acquiring a knowledge of the business she had come to learn. Some of ' these, who had been blessed with advantages greater than hers, or who had seen more of the world, were not backward in ridiculing the 1m- polished girl for her defects Of speech, dress, and manner. iAnnvwas sensitive, and these things hurt her; but the result was good, for it caused her to think of the defects pointed out so rudely, and to make an effort to correct them. It like- wise caused her to be retiring and observant—- to think of her words, her manners, and her conduct. Many months did not pass, before there was a change in her external appearance, ' and in her manners, that was very apparent — a change that had been so gradual as not to attract i sudden attention. She had also learned to think, and to contrast the good principles she had been A}; taught at home with what she saw and heard. Early impressed with a regard for the truth, to her great surprise she too often found it violated ’ by those around her; and she was no less sur- prised to find in many of the young girls in the . _ work-room a total disregard to the interests of the person with Whom they were learning their trade. ’ ' " Among her fellow-apprentices was one named Florence, to whom Ann early attached herself A. EXTERNAL CONDITION. 73 She was the daughter of a widow, suddenly re- duced from comfortable to needy circumstances, and was acquiring a knowledge of dress-making as a means of adding to their small and insuf- ficient income. This girl had received an ex- cellent education, and had moved in very good society. She was intelligent, polished in her manners, and possessed a finely-cultivated taste. The loss of friends, and a change in external circumstances, had subdued her whole character, and made her thoughtful. There was something about Ann, rude as she at first was, that caused . her to respect the poor girl. Instead of ridicul- ing her for her deficiencies, she gently SOUght to correct them. This evidence of good-will touched the feelings of Ann, who hearkened to all her suggestions, and sought to correct every little defect of manner, or roughness of speech, that was kindly pointed out to her. Thevease, grace, and womanly dignity of Florence were beautiful in the eyes of the humble-minded girl. She saw in them something really true and ex- cellent, when contrasted with the rudeness and bold vulgarity of others in the work-room. Her whole character was a model of excellence in her eyes—a standard of emulation. We first begin to rise towards excellence of any kind, when we first begin to admire and love it. ,u - .74 ADVICE T0 YOUNG LADIES. Sr .t was with Ann Liston. She no sooner l‘eg'tn to admire and love the whole cl‘“acter of Florence, than she began to form her own character, as far as she could do so, after a like model. In her leisure moments, she read such books as were placed in her hands by Flor- ence. These were not the popular and exciting novels of the day; that were read by too many of her young companions; but books that made her think truly of life, and her own duties and ~ , responsibilities. By the time Ann had finished learning her _ gtrade! she was very much changed for the better. " "'IThe whole expression of her face was altered. _ Her step was more graceful, her speech more . polished, and her mind more enlightened. Con- trasted with several of those who had \ridiculed , her'for her deficiencies, when she first left her , ‘tjghome, the difference ‘was qu1te as strong as 7' before; but now it was in her'favor. The > _. achievement of this much was not without pass- ing through many temptations from some of the vulgar, low-minded girls around her. Several ‘ . of these had their beaux, whom they used fre- , 3. quently to meet and walk with in the evening , md they often persuaded Ann to join them. Once or twice she did do so; but the young men she met were even more vulgar mindid than her EXTERNAL :ONDITION. 75 companions, who were, as it seemed to her, most unblushingly familiar with the young men. Shocked and disgusted with all this, she ven- tured no more into such company, cementing herself with reading alone, when not at work, or in congenial intercourse with Florence, and one or two others more like her than the rest. After having learned her trade, the next busi- ness of Ann was to go out and sew for her living. Modest in her deportment, quiet, and what might now be called lady-like in her manners, indus- trious and capable, Ann soon had as much, and moreithan she could do in families of good standing, in all of which she was respected and treated as she deserved. She continued in this capacity for about three years, during which time both mind and person steadily improved, until she became a really interesting and quite intelligent young woman. ,But, withal, she was exceedingly modest and retiring. A very fine young man, a clerk in the store of the husband of one of the ladies for whom she worked, had noticed Arm for more than a year; Her appear- ance, manner, and conversation, whenever he did hear her speak, which was seldom, pleased him very much. At last, encouraged by. the lady Just alluded to, who spoke in the highest praise of Ann, he formally addressed her, and 76 ADVICE 'ro YOUNG LADIES. was, after a time, fortunate enough to gain her consent to be married. She made him a frugal, industrious wife, and an excellent companion. About five years afterwards, he went into busi- ness on a small capital, which they had saved from his salary, and was quitesuccessful. He did not become, it is true, a very rich man, nor his wife a great lady; but they were in good cir- cumstances, and able to give their children every advantage of education, and the means of useful- ness and advancement in the world. Out of ten young girls in the. work~room where Ann learned her trade, all withno better advan- tages than" she had possessed, seven married men of low minds and vulgar habits, and never rose above their. original condition. Two were more like Ann, and theywere sought by young men of a'betten class. ’One of them did not marry at all. 1. fl— ' ’4 No matter how many and great may be the disadvantages under which a yOung’ girl may labor,——she inay yet rise, if she will, very much above the points, in external condition, from which she started in life. And in proportion. as she thus rises will she find a higher degree 9f happiness, and be able to do far more good than otherwise would be possible to her. Every thing that tends to elexate the lower XTERNAL corvm r on. '77 classes of the community above what is rude, ignorant, and vulgar, adds to their happiness, oecause it makes them better and wiser; but this rudeness, ignorance, and vulgarity will pie vail just so long as woman is ‘kept down by. the pressure of circumstances; for, in her influence upon the other sex, but mainly upon‘her chil dren, lies the all-potent principle of social refor mation. Let every young woman, if her lot be humble, and her advantages few, remember that she has a duty to perform to society as well as herself, and wisely seek to fulfil the obligations that rest upon her. ,At the same time, every young woman, who is blessed with the superior advantages of education and refinement, should as earnestly seek to lift up those below her and inspire them with a love of what is useful, refined, and truly good. Those whose external condition is very dif- ferent from what we have been describing, who are blessed with all the comforts, luxuries, and advantages attainable by wealth, are in some danger of entertaining false notions in regard to themselves, and of valuing themselves, more on account of their condition in life, than for the virtues they possess. This is of course a false valuat'on; and whoever makes it commits an error that will lead to unhappiness sooner or 78 ADVICE T0 YOUNG LADIES. iater. . Wealth affords great advantages, but it makes no one any the better. ' Gold never pur- chases virtue nor excellence of character; it is possessed alike by the good and the bad; and whoever values himself, as a man, on account of his wealth, shows himself to be a very weak man. A young girl, who has all the advantages tnat wealth affords, will be very apt to feel that she is superior to those in a lower condition, simply because she is surrounded with more of the ele- gances of life than they are, and moves in what ‘ is called a higher circle. But~ this feeling she should strive against as ignoble; for what have the elegances of life with which others have surrounded her, and the circle of friends into Which a happy concurrence of circumstances has introduced her, to do with her real worth? _ Nothing whatever! One _. far below her in the reception and enjoyment of these blessings, may really be far above her in all that goes to ' make up the true woman. Let her, then, make virtue the standard of excellence, and let her seek to do some good with the ability and supe- rior advantages that God has given her, instead ’of sitting idly down in the vain imagination of her own superiority. GOSSIPKNG AND EVIL SPEAKING. 7“ CHAPTER VIII. GOSSIPING AND EVIL SPEAKING. THESE are faults into which the young and thoughtless are very apt to be betrayed, and to indulge in to a most unjustifiable and sometimes pernicious extent, whereby the most trivial fail- ing of a companion is magnified into a very serious offence against propriety, or an unw guarded word made todo an injury never in» ‘ tended by the one who uttered it. A young lady should be very guarded, indeed~L about speaking evil of any one, and equally so how she repeats the disparaging remarks of another. ,Much of this evil speaking arises from thoughtless misjudgments of those who happen not to be very much liked. Whatever they do or say is seen through a false medium, that gives to it an unnatural distortion, or an improper coloring. Of the injustice of this nothing need be said, for all can see and ac- knowledge it. The difficulty is, to make each one, who indulges this evil practice, conscious that she is really guilty of doing so, and there- fbre a wrong-deer to others. 80 . ADVICE TO YOUNG mores. A disposition to see the faults and defects of others, instead of what is good in them, is one of our most common failings; and what we see. or think we see, is what we are most apt to Speak of. This is the reason why we generally hear more evil than good spoken of as appertain~ ing to other people. The very common habit of making the sayings and doings of our acquaintances the principal subjects of conversation is by no means a good one, and should be avoided as much as possible, for the reason that Such conversation is rarely profitable, and very apt to betray us into allu- skins to their defects, as much more prominent ' ‘ than their excellences. And as it does us no good to think of the faults of our friends, nor them any good for 11s to speak about them, the 1 -- -least said on such matters the better. It is not 1' possible, however, alivays to avoid allusions to what .has been said and done by our friends, or ' to the appearance made by them on certain oc'- casions. Two young ladies, for instance, will meet on the day after a fashionable party, and f one of them will allude to the dress, appearance, or manners of some one or more, who either ex- hibited a sad want of taste, or whose conduct attracted attention for its freedom and want of delicacy. Such things always occur, and always ,. 3;“ 1‘ I GOSSIPING AND EVIL SPEAKING. 81 cause disparaging remarks. The other young lady, even though she do not ordinarily take pleasure in noticing the faults of her acquaint- ances, cannot help assentiug to what is said, and the temptation to express herself freely on the subject will be'very strong. She should guard herself, however, and avoid magnifying what did really occur, and should seek to change the subject as quickly as possible. Something like the following mode of reply, in such cases, should be adopted : — “ Did you ever see such horrid taste as Miss P displayed?” remarks one young friend to another. “ She looked like a stage-dancer.’ “ She certainly was very much over-dressed.” “ Over—dressed -! Goodness! She was dressed to death. Every body remarked it. How silly it is for a girl like her_to render herself so con apicuous!” ' “ You noticed Miss L—, did you not? ” “ 0, yes! Wasn’t she dressed sweetly? I think I never saw her look so beautiful in my life.” “ Miss L is a girl of good taste.” “ And, you may add, good temper and good sense. Did you notice how Sarah J—— flirted with young 8' 1 She is a.terrible coquette. I had my eye on her all the evening. Although 6 82 ' ADVICE T0 YOUNG nAans. she doesn’t care the snap of a finger for S , she makes him believe that his company is most agreeable to her.” “ She is very wrong to do so. Truth and hon- _ esty should ever distinguish a young lady’s con- .duct. Such a charge, I am sure, cannot be made against Ellen G . “ No, you may well say that. She is the very soul of truth and honor. If all were like her, society would present far more beautiful and attractive features than it now does. There was ' another at the party who resembled her— g :Flora F ‘ l ’ “Truly said. I love Flora as tenderly as I do my own sister. ‘How exquisitely do good taste, good feelings, and good principles blend in her character! You never hear her speak of ~~another unless in praise, or palliation of faults: .- “"magnified- by the less charitable. I always feel that I am better afier spending an hour with ‘Floraf’ ' ‘ And so do I. I often wish that I was like _ her.” . '_ ‘i' I“ All of us may become like her, if we en- ;deavo/r to act from the same good principles that ' govern in her'whole life and conduct. ” “I don’t know. Were I to try ever so hard, I do not think I could become like Flora F GOSSIPING AND EVIL SPEAKING. 83 [feel that there is as much difference between her character and mine, as between mine and Sarah J “Should not such thoughts and such a con- sciousness make us very careful how we judge, too severely the defects of others? Some persons are naturally deficient in true taste, and others have had their taste perverted by a bad educa- tion; some are naturally of an amiable temper, while others have much that is perverse to con- tend with. In all there is some good; let us magnify that rather than the evil we see.” “I believe you are right,” was the reply to this. “ We are all too apt to see that in our friends which calls for censure rather than praise.” How much better is it thus to lead away the i . thoughts of a young friend, disposed to be crit- ical and fault-finding, to the contemplation of excellences in others! A great deal of unhappiness is created, and a great deal of harm done, by indulgence in the bad habit we are now condemning. Numerous instances might be given in illustration of this We shall introduce but one, and this with the hope of making the fault appear in its truly odious light. Ellen B :, n b. was much given to the use of 84 ADVICE T0 YOUNG LADIES. disparaging remarks in reference to her com panions. Like most others who indulged in ' this reprehensible practice, she did not always confine herself strictly to the truth. Not that she designedly, and with evil intent, uttered falsehoods. She only embellished a little too highly, without seeing that, in doing this, she ' was magnifying foibles into faults, and pervert ing language from the true’ meaning it was in- . tended to convey. ' . > “Your friend, Emily R ,seems to be a _ very fine girl,” said a lady to her one day, after having spent her first half hour with the person referred to. _ “Yes,” replied Ellen; “she is certainly a fine girl, but, like all the rest of us, she has her faults.” ,- “Not very serious ones, I hope, ” said the '“lady. .\ . ~ ' i, - “ Why, that will depend pretty much upon how you view them. She has one fauit that I call a pretty serious one.” ‘ '- I“ What is that? ” _- ‘: A disposition to tattle.” 7 _ :» ”“ Indeed! That is bad.” - i i f‘ Not so bad as some other faults, but still had enough. Whenever ~I am with her, I consider it necessary to be guarded in what I. say; ‘or, in GOSSIPING AND EVIL SPEAKING. 85 consequence of her having once repeated some remark of mine, she involved me in a very un pleasant difficulty with a friend, and created a difference that has not been reconciled to this day." “ \Vith such a person I am sure I should want as little to do as possible,” replied the lady. “ I am sorry to hear what you say, for I had ' formed a very good opinion of Emily, and felt like add- ing her to the number of my friends. But there is no telling what people are. As for her, the ast fault I should have supposed her to be guilty of is the one you mention.” , “ I did not mean to convey quite so strong an - impression to your mind,” said Ellen B , perceiving that she had really injured-Emily. “I would not have you understand that Emily is a common tattler and busybody in other people’s matters, for she is not. I only meant to put you on your guard, in case you became well acquainted with her. Myself a sufferer from having: a thoughtless remark repeated by her, it seemed to me only right that I should warn a friend in time.” “ Perfectly right, Ellen, and I thank you for what you have done. As to Emily R— —, I believe I shall not follow up the acquaintance I‘have a large circle of intimate friends, with Q6 anvwn T0 YOUNG LADIES. \whom I can be unreserved, without fear of hav- ing my confidence betrayed, or my unguarded words repeated to my own and the injury of others.” In this decision the lady was firm. When she again met Emily, she was coldly polite to her, and that was all. The young girl, who had been )leased with her character, and strongly drawn towards her, felt this change severely. It was an unexpected repulse from one whose principles she had approved, and whose character had been . “resented to her as one of no common loveliness. 7 That there was some cause for this change she knew; but of its nature she had not even a remote idea. Months passed, during which period Emily * was thrown several times into the company of this lady, who always maintained towards her a coldness and reserve entirely at variance with the cordiality of manner exhibited on the occa- sion of their introduction to each other. This unaccountable difference caused Emily much pain of mind. It was, perhaps, a year subsequent to the time - this lady had received her 1mpression of Emily’s character arid after her marked coldness towards the latter had caused her to omit the usual word Gossrpme AND EVIL SPEAKING. 87 or nod of recognition on meeting, that a friend made some casual remarks about Emily. “1 know very little about her,” the lady re- plied, indifferemly, “ and that little has not pre- possessed me much in her favor.” “ 'I‘hat’s strange,” returned the friend; “ for a person with fewer faults and more sterling qual- ities of mind and heart, than Emily R. ', is rarely met.” “She has one fault that overshadows many good qualities,” said the lady, coldly. “ What is that?” was asked. . “ The fault of being a tattler.” “If she is freer from any one fault more than from another, it is that you name.” “ Perhaps you don’t know her,” said the lady. “ Don’t know Emily R ! If that was the case, I should almost begin to think I didn’t know myself. We have been like sisters for years.” “ Then you ought to know her.” “I think so; and I know that she is 'not a tattler; and I must again express my wonder that you should have formed such an erroneous opinion in regard to her. From whom did you obtain it ’! ” “ From a very good source, I believe. Ellen B--— wa ned me to be on my guard, and stated ’88 ADVICE T0 YOUNG LADIES." that she was herself a sufferer ~on account of Emily’s tattling propensities.”' “ She did ?” “ Yes. My first impression of Emily’s char- acter was good; but when I learned this, I i thought it as well to have nothing to do with her, for I think a tattler a verydespicable person.” “I believe 'I understand it all, now,” said the friend, after musing a while. “Ellen is herself 'a little given to the very thing she charges upon an innocent person. ‘On one Occasion, she re? peated something she had heard alleged against a young girl, and considerably embellished her narrative Emily was present. The impression , made was very unfavorable to the individual alluded to. Of all who heard these unfavorable - remarks, made to the great disparagement of an .i I ‘ absent companion, Emily was the only one'who was honest enough to goto her and apprize her i of what had been said to her real injury, in order that, if innocent, ‘she might vindicate her char- acter. ' The allegations were at once pronounced false, and the author of them demanded. Ellen B was named by Emily, who volunteered to . go to her 1n company with the aggrieved person, in order to ascertain from her the source of the injurious charge. Ellen was very angry with . ,Einily for what she had done, and refused at first GOSSIPING AND EVIL SPEAKING. 89 to give any authority for what she had said. But Emily mildly argued with her on the folly of this, and, in extenuation of what she had done, assured her, that, if she herself had been the sub- ]ect of the remarks in question, she would have felt it to be equally her duty to apprise her of the injury she was suffering. But Ellen could not see the matter in any better light than as a betrayal of confidence on the part of Emily. The result was, that, on tracing the charge made to the person given.as her authority by Ellen, more than half of the averments of Ellen were denied, and a very difl'erent version of the whole ' awry given, by which it was clear that she had added nearly all of the offensive matter; not as sheer fabrications, but as inferences from. what . had been said. It seems she has not forgiven Emily for honestly putting it into the power of an innocent person to vindicate herself from in- jurious charges, but has as grossly misrepre- sented and injured her, as she did the person whom Emily warned of the evil things said against her. You can now judge how far Emily R is to be condemned as a tattler 'on the estimony of Ellen B .” “ Clearly enough,” replied the lady, with some warmth of manner. ”I must at once renew my acquaintance with Emily. As for the other, on 90 ADVICE 'ro YOUNG LADIES. some suitable occasion I shall refer to the sub- ject, and endeavor to make her see that she has been guilty of a very serious fault. I feel stroneg tempted to drop her altogether; but as I com mitted z 11 error in doing this with Emily K I will seek rather to correct her faults and strengthen her good qualities than to decline all friendly intercourse.” ‘ This is the way in which false impressions about almost every one are propagated. The slightest fault, or peculiarity, is magnified into something serious, and the censorious whisper goes round, while the subject of it remains in entire ignorance of the detriment she suffers Let every young lady set her face against this as i a serious evil. Let her place a bridle upon her tongue, and upon her thoughts, lest she be be- trayed, in an unguarded moment, into saying something against her young friend that may injure her in the estimation. of others. The surest way to avoid this fault is to look more at the good in our friends than the evil. VVe' a/re all perverse enough, all have evil tenden cies enough, and are all frequently enough he- trayed into acts and words that are wrong, to prompt us to be charitable towards others; and such reflections, if no others, should make us thoughtful and prudent in th’s matter. on sss. 9; CHAPTER IX DRESS. ON this subject we do not feel competent to give any particular. directions. In matters of female attire, a woman’s taste is, as a general thing, always superior to a man’s. Still, we see a great many badly-dressed women, where the defect does not arise from any want of the means to dress, but from bad taste. The fault of over- dressing is the most common, and this is almost ' always attended with an unharmonious arrange- ment of colors. All that pertains to the particular modes of dress, and to the harmony of colors, has been so fully set forth in the various books prepared for and accessible to young ladies, that for us to attempt any thing of the kind here would be entirely useless, even if we had given sufficient attention to the subject to be able clearly to set the matter forth, which we confess that we have not. We can tell when we see a lady dressed in good taste, but we cannot tell a lady exactly how she should dress to be in good taste; It is much easier to detest a fault than to produce a bar : ,- this, as in all other things, thehappy fiediumr is. 92 ADVICE T0 YOUNG LADIES. l W S for a man to see faults m a lady’s dress than to i 4/; monious arrangement. [And it ismuch easier give directions for dressing faultlessly. ? i As we have just said, we do not feel compe~ tent to give particular directions here, and there- fore shall not attempt to do so. We refer \to 7 dress, in this place, merely for the purpose of making one or two rather general remarks on the .. subject. . .As in almost every thing else in this world people are very apt to run into opposite extremt . in the matter of dress. While we have‘one cla s .. of persons who seem to think of “nothing else lut ‘ _’ " dress, and who load thEmselves with gay clotling \‘ and ornaments until they appear ridiculous in i V the eyes of sensible people, there is another class that asrunwisely reject all ornaments, and array ‘ . i '7- themselves in garments of the dullest hue. . In (.{i' an is." ‘the true onef In order to attain _.his happy ‘ _7 g L .» medium, some attention must be p?‘ 1 to the end ii 4‘7 for which dress is regarded. If a love of admi- ‘ ' i ration, and a mere fondness for a ,pearing in gay , i'attire, alone prompt a woman 1; give attention ’ " to dress, she will be almost su e to overstep the bounds of good sense and goof “taste. The hand of either pride Or vanity always shows itself in a woran’s dress,'in spite of every effort to hide it . ‘.. mucss. 93 To dress with neamess, taste, and propriety, is the duty of every young lady ;.nd_ she should give just as much thought and 'tion to the subject as will enable her to do ‘, and no more. Unless she do give to it both thought and atten- tion, however, she will not be able to dress with taste and propriety. Occasionally we meet with instances where young ladies affect, or really feel, indifference in' regard to dress. Every thing like ornament is eschewed as beneath the dignity of an intelligent being. The higher colors never appear in any of their garments, and ribbons are used with a degree of caution that is- quite amusing. All this might be tol- Grated if good taste accompanied their simplicity of attire; but, unfortunately, a want of good taste is, in most cases, the primaryxcause of the indifference they manifest. But, as there exists in woman a natural fondness for dress, the oppo- site extreme to this is the one into which young girls most frequently run, unless they are guided and controlled, as is usually the case, by the sounder and purer taste of a mother, an elder sister, or some judicious friend. In order tn keep herself from running into this extreme, a young lady should guard against the common fault of dressing for the purpose of attracting attention. Iishe have a fondness for gay colors 94 . ADVICE TO YOUNu LADIES. let her use them, but not to excess; on the con trary, if her taste lead her to select those'rnore subdued and less attractive, let her taste be her guide In regard to ornaments, they are proper to be used, and, when worn by a person of good -'taste in their selection ,and arrangement, padd very'much to a woman’s appearance. An idea prevails very generally, among some persons, that all attention to dress, or the follow- ing of the fashions, 'as they usually term it, is a useless waste of money and time, and an actual injury to the moral state of the person who thus pays a regard to dress. There is no doubt that ' following the fashions to an»e1{cess, and thinking about little else than dress, is just as great an evil as it is here alleged to be. But it is one thing to do this, and another thing to have such a regard for external order, beauty, and pros, , priety, as shall make Our appearance pleasing to 1 3 our friends, and our presence'welcome in circles ' ' of taste and refinement. If we dress with a sin- gularity because of a weak prejudice against the prevailing fashions, or outrage all true taste by moongruities of attire, our presence cannot be pleasing to our friends, nor welcome in refined and intelligent circles. ' The true standard of dress for a young ladv is that which happens to prevail in the present HEALTH. 93 but, in adopting it, she should carefully avoid its extremes. If it trenches upon modesty, or en- dangers her health, let her so far not fellow it These extremes she can easily avoid, and yet 40‘ appear singular. CHAPTER X. HEALTH. Tm: highest degree of happiness and useful~ ness attainable in this world is not to be had by any one who does not possess a sound mind in a sound body. Attention to health, therefore, is one of the first duties we owe to ourselves and society, because without a healthy body we can- not have a sound mind, nor efficiently perform our duties in life. This is so plain a proposition that all can at once comprehend it. Young ladies are proverbial for being careless in regard to health; and this, strangely enough, is particularly the case with those who have the most delicate constitutions. The- hundreds who die annually of pulmonary affections, owe, in two cases out of every hree, their early death to Bf) ADVIQE 'ro vmmn LADIES. unwise and unnecessary exposure of themselves thinly clad, in cold and damp weather; The warnings of physicians and friends seem alike unavailing; and their earnest representation of the real danger that threatens them is treated as a chimera, 'conjured up by over-anxiety, to frighten them. Even the fearfully rapid encroachments of a deadly disease do not, in too many instances, give the requisite prudence; and the unhappy victim sinks speedily into the grave, with little less than the crime of self-murder upon her Xhead These things are sad to think about; ‘and their frequency and familiarity make them_ none the less painful subjects of reflection. ' But, as the only hope of reformation here lies in con tinued precept, we deemit a solemn duty, when- , 'ever an opportunity ofl'ers, to add our voice to 'Vfthe general voice of warning heard every where ‘on this subject. - ~ ~ K A The doing of any thing that requires self- denial, or more than ordinary care, is dependent upon an adequate motive. One w )uld think that there were motives strong enough to prompt every young lady to be careful of her health; and so there are; the difficulty is, that she cannot be . ‘ ' made to feel that what she does, or omitstto do, really injures her, because the ill-effects do' not become immediately apparent, She is told that HEALTH. 97 irregularity in eating, late hours, exposure to draughts of air, the atmosphere of crowded rooms, thin dressing, tight lacing, and various other things, injure her health. But she eats four meals to-day, and two to-morrow; she stands at the front door without additional cov- ering to her neck, or any thing on her head, to talk with a departing friend; and she attends balls, the theatre, and concerts, two or three times a week, wearing thin dresses and thin shoes : all this she does for a time, without feel- ing in herself any ill effects; or, if she feels them, she will not believe in the true cause. Such being the case, it is almost impossible to make her sensible that she is sowing in her system the seeds of incurable diseases, the germination and growth of which no after care will prevent, and which will either bring her early to the grave, or entail upon her a life of suffering, attended with inability to discharge her duty to those most dearly loved, and for whose happiness and wel- far: she would be willing to make almost any sacrifice. That such is really the fact, the sad resu.ts of just such an abuse of health are to be seen all around us — results that all intelligent physicians, and all persons of observation and common sense, know must flow from the causes just set forth. Surely, then, an adequate motive 7 98 anvrce T0 YOUNG LADIES. for prudence and care in these things is to be found in the fact, that, if no regard be paid to them, the health will be undermined, or de- stroyed altogether. In “ The Young Lady’s Friend,” a most ex- cellent book, written by Mrs. Farrar, there is a chapter on the “ Means of Preserving Health,” which we would particularly recommend to the attention of every young girl. By a careful perusal of that chapter, she will be able so fully to comprehend the laws of health, and to see the . reason why an abuse of those laws necessarily brings disease, as to require no further argument from relatives and friends, to induce prudence land carefulness on her part. 7 ,Where a hereditary predisposition to con- sumption exists, as it always does, if that disease have manifested itself in either parent, ‘ the necessity for carefulness in regard to health is of more vital importance than if such predis- position did not exist. Abuse of health in others may lay the foundation for 'diseases that only entail suffering in after life; but abuse of health in these is almost sure to lead to premature death. ' ' By some it is supposed and asserted, that who- ever is born of consumptive parents will be sure to die of consumption; and that a. large proper: HEALTH 99 tion are destined to die. before the prime of life is reached. That this is most general y the case is certainly true; but we do not believe that the result follows a an absolute consequence of the hereditary predisposition, but from an abuse of health, by whichlatent causes are excited into active causes. On this subject, it may be useful to quote the remarks of a French medical writer by way of authority. He says, “Besides the occasional causes of chronic pneumonia, (con- sumption,) which are all the agents that excite, stimulate, or irritate the organs of respiration, and consequently the same as those of acute pneumonia, there are predisposing causes. Pre- disposition consists in a peculiar irritability of the lung, which renders it more sensible to the impression of irritating agents, and, conse- quently, more apt to contract irritation. There is no age, no sex, no temperament, which may not be affected with pneumonia; but experience has demonstrated that the predisposition, the peculiar irritability of which we speak, is most frequently found among individuals who have the constitution which has been named phthis— ical, the characters of which are the following . narrow chest, long and small neck, slender limbs, a tall, thin stature, delicate skin, circumscribed redness cf the cheek, the lymphatico—sanguinn 100 anvrcn TO YOUNG LADIES. temperament. The scrot‘ulous constitution like wise gives a predisposition to tubercles, and con sequently to chronic pneumonia. As the organic structure transmits an hereditary character, it results that in the same family we may often encounter the same irritation, derived from this cause; or, what is the same thing, we meet with a predisposition to the same maladies; It does not, however, follow that these individuals are irrevocably condemned to contract the diseases of their parents; but, to secure aneumption from theni, they must avoid the influence of the ocea- sional causes more carefully .than individuals not predisposed” ’ ’ ' “Those who have great pulmonary irritability should make up their minds to practise self-denial in a great many things. They‘should avoid the vicissi- ' tudes of heat and cold, singing, hallooing, dec- ‘ lamation, stimulating food and drink, &c.” From-this it is seen, that while a person who inherits a predisposition to lung diseases is in great danger, yet exemption from their effects may be secured; but only by great prudence, and a cautious regard to health. In some con- _ stitutions,‘where there exists a great suscepti‘ bility. to inflammation of the throat and lungs, exrsts also a predisposition to the formation in the lungs of what are called tubercles, or little -)‘ A'LlL Nit-t \' HEALTH. 101 foreign bodies that irritate the surrounding parts, and produce ulcerations. When these tubercles are once formed, the disease assumes, in most cases, an incurable type. The necessity to life of the unceasing activity of the lungs, every por- tion of which is made up of little vessels for the reception and purification of the blood, makes it almost impossible for any healing process to go on after ulceration has once commenced. We mention this form of the disease here, in order that the necessity for avoiding all the exciting causes may be fully seen. The formation of these tubercles, and the production of other in-. curable changes in the lungs, may be prevented 7 by wisely abstaining from every thing that would in any way interfere with the healthy functions of the body; or, rather, by giving to the Subject of ‘ health the most careful attention, and by wisely following the advice of 'those whose age, experience, and position, entitle their opinions to respect and consideration. The mere avoid- ance of draughts of air and crowded rooms, thin dressing and damp feet, are not all that is new cessary to guard the individual, who has a predis position to consumption, against its fearful at tacks. The health of each part of the\ body is deper. 4 I' upon the health of the Wh \te body, as m' ‘. ' e health of the whole ii demrdent ‘ 102 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. upon the health of each part. Any thing that . .deranges the general health will be felt most quickly in the part that is weakest; and therefore any thing that deranges the general health of a person who has a predisposition to consumption, will affect the lungs. The strictest regard to ' health should therefore be paid, in every par- ticular, by those who are at all liable to‘pul— monary affections, if they would escape the _ danger that threatens. them. They should take plenty of exercise, and use daily cold ablutions - of the whole body, followed by active friction, to '1 , restore fully the circulation to the skin. »By ' exercise they will invigorate the whole system, and by the free use of water they will keep the skin healthy, and take away the liability to, cold, on any sudden exposure. Strict regard should " also be had to the food that is eaten, and to the 1 manner of eating it. The diet should be nutri- ‘ tious, but not stimulating-and the quantity of food taken ought never to be so great as to . oppress the system. Such articles of food as do not digest well — and what they are every one can easily decide from experience—should be ‘ avoided, because indigestion weakens the powers of the stomach, and by sympathy those of the. , » whole body; and worse, as it is the business of the stomach to prepare the food for use in - the body, . \ HEALTH. 103 in supplying the waste that is always going on if it be in an unhealthy state from any cause, its work cannot be properly done, and the conse- quence must be, that every part of the body will suffer. A good digestion, however, does not always depend upon the quality of the food taken; the best food in the world will be ren- dered indigestible if it be not sufficiently masti- cated, or is eaten too fast. Great care should also be taken to keep the chest well protected, and on no account to sit in draughts of air, nor to _ venture out of doors in cold weather without put- ting on additional clothing, and covering the head. Often we see young ladies running in to a neighbor’s three or four doors off, in midwin- ter, without even the addition of a light shawl ‘over the head or shoulders. It is no wonder that colds are the result of such indiscretion, often leading to serious inflammation of the air- tubes, or lungs. If, in spite of all her best precautions, a young lady, who has every reason to believe that she inherits a tendency to disease of the lungs, takes cold, and is attacked with hoarseness and a slight cough, she should feel sufficient concern to prompt her to take the greatest possible care of herself. The advice of the family physician ought immediately to be obtained, and she 104 anvws 'ro YOUNG LADIES. should, in the strictest manner, abide by his. directions. While the cold remains, she should, on no account, go out in damp, chilly weather, nor attend any ball, concert, or public assembly, where the air, necessarily impure from being . breathed by so many, must increase, instead of allaying, the irritation of her lungs. Our best advice here, however, is to enjoin a strict ad- herence to the directions of the family physicians Slight colds, in some constitutions, are matters of little moment; but in others they are frequently attendedby the most serious consequences, and t _ always increase a natural predisposition to dis- v "eases of the throat and chest. The habit of Jhinking and speaking lightly of colds, among he former, causes the latter too often to regard . them as of little account; but in this they com- ~ , mit a dangerous and too ofien fatal error. -Al- ' most 'every case of confirmed and hopeless disease of the lungs may be traced back to a relight cold 1 We dwell upon this subject because of its great importance", beyond the mere fact of the retention of health and preservation of life by the individual. The fearful encroachments of the disease now under consideration -is one that is lamented by all. So certainly does it, in most cases. early find its victims, especially among the -E. ~4— HEALTH. 105 female sex, that the instances are becoming rare, that the daughter of a mother who has died of consumption attains her thirtieth year. Too frequently she sinks into the grave ere she has passed more than a few summers beyond the bright period of womanhood. But this is by no means a necessary consequence. If the present generation of young persons, constitutionally ’ liable to the disease in question, would success- fully strive to keep it from developing itself in them, they would transmit to their offspring a predisposition to the disease in a less active form; and if they would, in turn, be equally as prudent as their parents, they might transmit the tendency in a still less active form to their 0&1 spring, so that, in a few generations, this destruc- tive foe of the young, the pure, and the beautiful, would no longer occupy its present prominent place in ouricatalogue of diseases. If any of our young readers can see the im- portance of the subject, viewed in this light, they cannot but feel more deeply than ever the duty that rests upon them to preserve their health for the sake of the happiness of others, and the gen- eral well—being of society. The consequences arising from abuse of health does not always rest with an individual; and a knowledge of this, if 106 ADVICE 'ro YOUNG LADIES. . no other motive be strong enough, should prompt every one to seek its preservation. Every young girl knows that she will, in a few years, have to take her p ace in society as a woman. Let her look at her mother and her - moth: r’s friends, and see how much the well- being and happiness of others are dependent upon the retention of their lives and the preser- v ration of their health. In a few years, she will, in a‘l probability, stand in the same relation to society as her mother now does, and have as many duties to perform, involving the comfort and happiness of olthers.: If, {when this time ‘ come, through her youthful folly and indiscre— tion, her health be gone, her lot will be a sad one indeed. Pain and disability will attend the performance of even the most trifling duty, and shr- will be a burden to herself, and the source ' '7' of anxiety and grief to her nearest and best " __ friends; and, .it may be, just as the tenderest ties that can bind aiwoman to earth are formed, death iiwill rudely break them asunder. What other considerations can we urge upon our fair young friends to induce them to regard the admonitions of those who love them, and are 4; wiser than they are? The means of preserving health are accessible t: all There is not so BROTHERS. 107 much ignorance on this subject as disin-zlination to make a temporary sacrifice of present desires, in order to secure a great and lasting good. Such being the case, we have sought rather to present motives for the preservation of health, than rules for attaining the so much desired object. Where a disposition to take proper care of the health exists, a knowledge of the means necessary to be used are easily attained CHAPTER XI. BROTHERS. OLDER brothers are not usually as attentive to their younger sisters as the latter would feel to be agreeable. The little girls that were so long known as children, with the foibles, faults, and caprices of children, although now grown up into tall young ladies, who have left or are about eaving school, are still felt to be children, or but a little advanced beyond childhood, by the young men who have had some three or four years’ experience in the world.’ “71th these older brothers, there will not usually be, arising 08 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. from this cause, much confidential and unre- served intercourse; at least, not until the sisters have added two or three years more to their ages, and assumed more of the quiet dignity 0" womanhood. Upon these older brothers, therefore, the con- ‘ duct of sisters cannot, usually, have much efi‘ect. They are removed to a point chiefly beyond the circle of their influence. But upon brothers near about their own age, and younger than themselves, the influence of sisters may be ' brought to bear with the most salutary results. ' The temptations to which young men are ex- posed, when first they come in contact with the world, are many, and full of the strongest allure- ' ments. Their virtuous principles are assailed in a thousand ways; sometimes boldly, and some- times by the most insidious (arts of the vicious and evil-minded. All, therefore, that can make, virtue lovely in their eyes, and vice hideors, ,they need to strengthen the good principles stored up, from childhood, in their minds. For their sakes, home should be made as attractii-e as possible, in order to induce them frequently to spend their evenings in the place where, of all othersL they will be safest. To do this, a young ady' must consult the tastes of her brothers, and endeavor to take sufficien interest in the pm BROTHERS. 109 suits that interest them, as to make herself corn. panionable. If they are fond of music, one of the strongest incentives she can have for attain- ing the highest possible skill in per firming upon the piano, will be the hope of making home, thereby, the most attractive place where they can spend their evenings: If they are fond of read- ing, let her read, as far as she can, the books that interest them, in order that she may take part in their conversations; and let her, in every other possible way, furnish herself with the means of making home agreeable. There is no surer way for a sister to gain an influence with her brother, than to cultivate all exterior graces and accomplishments, and im- prove her mind by reading, thinking, and obser- vation. By these means she not only becomes his intelligent companion, but inspires him with a feeling of generous pride towards her, that,more than any thing else, impresses her image upon his mind, brings her at all times nearer to him, .md gives her a double power over him for good. The indifference felt by brothers towards their sisters, when it does exist, often arises from the fac; that their sisters are inferior, in almost every thing, to the women they are in .the habit of meeting abroad. \Vhere this is the case, such indifl'erence is not so much to be wondered at. HO ADVICE 'ro YOUNG LADIES. Sisters should always endeavor .to gain, a much as possible, the confidence of their broth ers, and to give them their confidence in return Mutual good offices will result from this, am; attachments that could only produce unhappi- ness may be prevented. A.man sees more of men than a woman does, and the same is true in regard to the other‘sex. .AThis being so, a brother has it in his power at once to guard his sister against the advances of an unprincipled , man, or a man whose habits he knows to be bad , , ‘ and‘a sister has it in her power to reveal to her _ brother traits of character in a woman, forwhorn 7 . l he is about- forming an attachment, that would. ' repel rather than attract him. Towards her younger brother a sister should be particularly considerate, In allusion to this subject,’ Mrs. . Farrar has written 80 well that twecannot repress our wish‘ to quote her, \“‘If . your brothers are younger than you, encourage " them to be perfectly confidential with you; win ‘ their friendship by your sympathy in all their concerns, and let them see that their interests and their pleasures are liberally provided for in the "family arrangements, LNeverT-disclose their little secrets, however unimportant they _may seem to you; never pain them by an ill-timed ,oke; never repress their feelings by ridicule -_. r. ) nno'rnsns. 111 out be their tenderest friend, and then you may become their ablest advrser. If separated from them by the course of school and college educa- tron, make a point of keeping up your intimacy by full, free, and affectionate correspondence; and when they return to the paternal roof, at that awkward age between youth and manhood, when reserve creeps over the mind like an 'im- penetrable veil, suffer it not to interpose between you and your brothers. Cultivate their friend- ship and intimacy with all the address and ten- derness you possess; for it is of unspeakable importance to them that their sisters should be their confidential friends. Consider the loss of a ball or party, for the sake of making the even- ing pass pleasantly to your brothers at home, as a small sacrifice —one you should unhesitatingly i‘make. If they go into company with you, see that they are introduced to the most desirable acquaintances, and show them that you are in- terested in their acquitting themselves well.” Having quoted so much from the “ Young Lady’s Friend,” we feel inclined to give a few passages more from the author’s admirable re« marks on the relation of brother and sister. “ So many temptations beset young men, of which young women know nothing, that it is of he utmost importance that your brothers’ eve!» 112 ADVICE T0 YOUNG mums. ings should be happily passed at home; that their friends should be your friends: that their engage merits should be the same as yours; and that various innocent amusements should be pro- vided for them in the family circle: Music is an accomplishment usually valuable. as a home enjoyment, as rallying round the piano the various members of a family,’ and harmonizing their hearts, as well as their voices, particularly in devotional strains. I know no more agree- able and «interesting spectacle than that of brothers and sisters playing and singing together- those elevated compositions in music and poetry ', which gratify the taste and purify the heart, while their parents sit delighted _by._ I have seen and heard an elder sister thus leading the family choir, who was the soul 0! harmony to the whole household, and whose life was a per-i;- .. i fect example of thOse virtues which I am here , endravoring to inculcate.'_ Let no one say, in reading this chapter, that tea much is here re- quired of sisters , that no one can be expected to ‘ ‘Iead such a Self-sacrificing life; for the sainted one to whom I refer was all that _I would ask my sister to be; and a happier perSOn never ived. ‘To do good and make others happy,’ was the rule of her life; and in this she fouuo the art of making herself so.” 7 BROTHERS. 113 “Brothers will generally be found strongly opposed to the slightest indecorum in sisters. Their intercourse with all sorts of men enables them to judge of the construction put upon certain actions, and modes of dress and speech, much better than women can; and you will do well to take their advice on all such points.” . i “I have been told by men, who had passed unharmed through the temptations of youth, that they owed their escape from many dangers to the intimate companionship of affectionate 'and pure.minded sisters. They have been saved from a hazardous meeting with idle company by some home engagement, of which their sisters were the charm; they have refrained from mix- ing with the impure, because they would not bring home thoughts and feelings which they could not share with those trusting and loving - friends; they have put aside the wine-cup, and abstained from stronger potations, because they would not profane with their fumes the holy kiss, with which they were accustomed to bid their sisters good-night.” ‘ 7 And here let us relate an incident in illustration of a remark made in the preceding paragraph. A young man in the ardor and inexperience of youth, had been drawn into the company of men 3 : 114 ADVICE T0 YOUNG LADIES. who gave freer rein to appetite and passion than was either safe or innocent. He felt, when away from them, that the association was dangerous, and often resolved that he would break loose from it: but the attraction of their companionship was usually stronger than his good resolutions, and he returned to them again and again, and shared in their vices and indulgences. ‘ He had a sister to whom he was warmly at- tached, and for good reasons. She was not, like too many sisters, all eyes for her brothers’ faults ; a contender with them about trifles, or for prece- A .dence; critical in regard to their words, manners, and conduct; captions, wrangling. No, nothing like this, but a kind, loving, thoughtful, self- ‘ denying sister, who did all in her power to render _, home a pleasant place for her brothers. ~Except .for her,t this brother, who had too early in life shown a disposition to self—indulgence, and a fond- ness for mere sensual pleasures, would have been drawn away from the right path when younger _ and weaker. But with the instinct of true love, she had endeavored, always, to lift his mind into higher and purer regions, to cultivate his taste for music, art, and literature, to make everything at home as attractive as possible. Many times, when he had on his hat and coat ready to go out, in the evening, would this sister \, Bnorums. 115 entice him to remain at home; or, suggesting a call which she desired to make, retain him as her companion in a visit to some pleasant friend, where he would be interested and improved. He often resisted these efforts to change his purpose for the evening; sometimes even petulantly, and with hasty words; but his sister was so loving and gentle, and at the same time so firm, that he could rarely refuse her requests. And so she not only retained the early influence acquired over her brother; but kept strengthening that influence, and sending it forth after him out into the world, to close around him there like a protecting sphere. Unhappily, as we have intimated, this brother fell among dangerous companions, and commenced acquiring habits, which if permitted to strengthen into maturity, would drag him down to ruin. The sister marked, with anxious concern, a change. He was not as he had been. There was a waver- ing of his eyes, as she gazed into them steadily ; a certain change in the expression of his mouth that troubled her; a look in his countenance, when it was in repose, that bafied her efi‘orts to read the meaning. And so, taking the alarm, she was all on the alert; but with the wisdom of true love, concealed from him 1h: anxiety which had ob- tained possession of her mind. 116‘ ADVICE ro YOUNG LADIES. [t was not, now, so easy a thing to retain him at home. The simple request to give her his com— pany for the evening, or to go with her on a visit to a friend, was not sufficient to keep him away i from his new pleasures and companionship. He was ready1 to accompany her, if she wished to go ‘ out, and to call for her on her return; but this did not meet the casein her eyes; for, many times, when he thus called for her, there was about him ‘ too unmistakable evidence that he had been in places that are always dangerous to young men, bar- rooms and eating saloons. She must win him away from his new pleasures, or he might gradually ‘ fall never to rise again. But, how was she to do this? Remonstrance would not answer , for when a sister’s attractive love fails to hold back a young man from the paths of vice and folly, remonstrance is of little use, and'often does harm instead of good. Nor would it do to show much concern, for this also repels. i i i 7 Tears and anxious thoughts were often the . companions of this true-hearted sister’s waking hours in the long nights, as she pondered the dan- gers that beset her brother’s feet; but always she met him with a smile and a kiss, and put On for ~ him her most winning ways. And so, she was able to keep close to him, and always to make him feel how pure and true and loving she was. Not nnorems. 117 for the world would he have had her know wLere, and in what company, his evenings were some- times spent. He felt that such knowledge would distress her beyond measure; and worse even than this, turn from him that sweet sisterly love which he had learned to regard as a thing of priceless value. One day he met a friend, or rather, in true phrase, an enemy, who invited him to join a party of young men who were going to have a supper at a noted restaurant. 'A promise to join the festive company was on his lip, when he recol- lected an engagement, and said, “ I am sorry, but I promised to go out with my sister to-night.” “With your sister!” replied the other, shrug- ging his shoulders and arching his brows. “Is that all ? Let her wait. Break your engagement. A sister is nothing.” The young man felt shocked at this; but with- out any particular mark of feeling, replied, ' “ Oh ! beg your pardon, a' sister is something ; and an engagement with a sister is as binding as that made with any other person.” “ Pshaw! you are innocent? Why, man, I would go past forty sisters’ engagements, rather than miss an afi'air such as we are to have this evening. Wine, oysters, terrapins, and good- 118 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. fellowship I S is to be there, and you know him! I-—, and R , and M I tell you what, if you give up the promise of to-night- for-your sister, you are a greater fool than I took you for. You mustn’t be offended; I’m a plain- spoken fellow in my way, and have sisters of my own. But as to being tied to their apron-strings, that is _another affair. ' Let them look but for‘ milk-and-water beaux. There are Iilenty of such ‘ about.” I ‘ “I shall not be there!” said the young man, a feeling of indignation warming in his heart. _. J‘Qh. ' very well, go with your sister, and play the agreeable to her friends,’ replied the other, in a half bantering, half insolent way, that was felt to be offensive. , I The young man bowed, and hade his acquaint. ance a good morning. This brief interview set‘ V, e i 3, him to thinking “ Is it possible?” he said to himself, " that I co‘uld ever come to speak of my sister after that ’ ~ bad fashion ? My kind, good, loving sister! Shall I break an engagement with her, that I may enjoy the company of men of this stamp? _I am afraid the way I have been going is the wrong way; and the associates with whom so many of my evenings are spent, are hurtful tome instead of beneficial. Am I gaining in manly strength of character; or, ‘,7?.0 ‘ BROTHERS. 119 are appetite and passion acquiring undue power over me ?" Thus he talked with himself as he moved along the street; and the answers to his own queries were by no means satisfactory. Every little while, the light way in which the young man from whom he'had just parted, had spoken of his sisters, crossed his memory, and hurt him as if his own dear sister were the real subject of the remarks. It seemed like the desecration of' something sacred to have her named with such levity by a man whose life he knew to be corrupt. 'It is altogether probable, that, but for the coarse, indifferent manner in which sisters were spoken of in this brief talk, our young friend would have felt so strongly the allurement of a convivial evening, that promised so much to the mere animal appetites, as to have led to a. setting aside of‘ the prior engagement. As it was, his mind was thrown into a new state, and new and better thoughts gained a certain predominance. He did not ask his sister to be released from his engagement to spend an evening at the house of a friend; but went with her, and enjoyed himself beyond his anticipatious. 0n the next day, the town was shocked by the news of a painful tragedy, whichroccurred at a fashionable restaurant. The party of young men UV. 120 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIEs. referred to, getting overheated with wine, became rather noisy towards twelve o’clock at night, and the proprietor of the establishment remonstrating with them, one of the excited revelers threw an empty bottle at his head, and cut him badly His call brought several waiters to the scene of disor- der, when a desperate fight ensued, in which one man was killed, and several of the combatants se- riously injured. The whole party was arrested, and carried to prison. ' “Saved by my sister!” exclaimed the young. man, as he read, in painful surprise, the newspaper record of this unhappy afi'air. “ If she had not been to me the truest, best, and most loving of sisters, the thought of her could not have had power to hold me back from this allurement. - Thank God for such a sister. ' May I be worthy ~{of her unselfish love. "' - ~ From that time, he kept himself free from all . _ ‘ dangerous associations, and is now a man of char. acter and wealth.- To this day he'retains a lively consciousness of the debt he owes to that sister. . He was not held back in that last temptation through any direct appeal, for she Was not present. ‘ A ‘It was the silent influence of her true, consistent, self-denying life, which came in at thesright mo- ment to save. Her love had become to him a panoply of defence. Had she been like too many "in BROTHERS. 121 sisters we have seen, her brother might have gone far, very far astray, and suffered evil consequences beyond repair. Do not permit yourselves to think that too much is here required of you, nor say, as has been said, that brothers are everything and sisters nothing. It is the glorious work of angels to help andto save. Your brothers are exposed, while out in the world, to a great variety of temptation from which you are free, and if you can, by any means, give them more strength to resist, and thus help to make them good and true men, have you not done what will give your heart pleasure through . all the years of your life? , In all human probability, your brothers will marry Thus, the happiness of others of your sex will > be made to depend on their characters, habits, and moral qualities. Think of the wretchedness that must blight the heart of some gentle, loving girl, who is lured into marriage by a man of debased feelings and a corrupt life. ' _Not only for their own sakes, but for the sake of their future wives and families, he to your brothers guardian angels. It has been said, that the instances are extremely rare in which brothers who have been blessed with lovinnr Gentle sisters, 5’ 3 .over go far astray on first entering life; and we 122 ADVICE T0 YOUNG names can wel. believe that the remark is fcunded in truth. , _ I i In the question of choosing a wife, a sister may be of the greatest use to her brother; more, per‘ I haps, in preventing an unsuitable connection, than. in guiding to a right choice, and as her own, and the happiness of the whole familyis very much involved in the marriage of each member, what- ' ever service she can render here is most important. Young ladies as well as young gentlemen, put on ._ counterfeit presentments of themselves; and the well-attired, smiling, amiable girl we meet in the . parlor, may be really a slovenly, ill-natured,‘aim- less individual, who is not as careful as she might ._ ' be in the presence of her own sex.‘ Sisters have quick eyes for the defects and pecu- liarities of those towards whom. their brothers Show any special attention, and may drop in a» 'yword, judiciously, just at the right moment, and prevent the progress of‘ an attachment which had begun to rest on an unworthy object. . “Dont you think Jane S—— a charming girl?” said a young man to his sister. “ Charming when it pleases her to be so,” was the reply. i l h “ And doesn't it always please her to be so ?” was asked. .unbecoming. Jane persisted in wearing the ar- BROTHERS. 123 “ Not always I have seen her, when I thought her very disagreeable." “ Indeed 1 Under what circumstances I?" “I happened once to call upon her, when she was dressing to go out. She sent for me to come up from the parlor to her room, and I went. Her mother was with her, and they were, I found, in \ a little contention about some article that Jane ..‘?.~~t v: desired to wear, and which her mother thought. ticle, and her mother firmly, but kindly opposed, " her. The latter was right in my view. The spirit shown by Miss S , on this occasion, was bad. She‘was unreasonable and unkind in her. manner of speaking to her mother. Altogether, ( she made on my mind so unfavorable an impres- 51‘ .aion, that I never meet her without an unplea— i sant feeling.” This was enough for the brother. The young lady never afterwards looked attractive in his eyes. He knew his sister well, and bad faith in her. The general conduct of a sister towards her bro- ther-as well as her disposition and character—— will of course modify her influence in any matter of this kind. Let us give a difl‘erent picture. “ Don’t you think Mary Webb a lovely girl?" is asked of a sister. 124 ADVICE 'ro YOUNG LADIES. P! “ Lovely. like sneer. “ Yes, lovely 1” The brother’s voice has grown suddenly deeper, and he repeats the word in a positive way, i “ N o; anything but lovely!” is responded. “ Prejudice 1” says the brother, with something of contempt in his tone. 4 “ No sir! -"Not a. bit of it! vMary Webb has a showy face, and an attractive way with her among men. But she isn’t lovely here.” And i the sister laid her hand on her bosom; “ I know 'hcr.,”. .. 7‘ .—, . 1 \g » “ Just the way with you girls. Never ‘can say a good word of one another l”‘ retorts the brother. “ Oh, just as you like i I’m used to such com- fpliments from you. You asked my opinion, I i have given it. ” ' - ~ ~ - > “And I shall held it for what it is worth.” i _ y “ In that case, you may save yourself from an i ' eutangling alliance,” replied the sister, tossing her head in a half contemptuous way; ‘j for it is worth all that it assumes ‘to be. ” “A vain conclusion which I shall hold myself free to doubt,” retorted the brother. ' ‘ “Doubt if you please, you are the one most interested,” she answered, and the interview on ‘ this subject closed. And a lip is curled with an unlady BR( runs. 125 The sister was right. in her estimate; but she had not gained, by a true sisterly regard for her brother, that influence over him which she might and should have secured; and so her correct ob- servation failed to be of any use at a. time when it was most needed. 'We might keep on with incidents and sugges- tions, still, for many pages; but enough has been said on the subject of a sister’s conduct towards her brother, to make the high responsibility of her position clear to every right-thinking girl. She has it in her power to save him from many mistakes, and to throw around him a sphere of her love, that may protect him from evil in some hour 0‘ imminent peril. “12,6 ADVICE TC 11mm LADIES CHAPTER XII. CONDUCT TOWARDS PARENTS. Ir oilen happens that a daughter possesses greatly superior advantages to those enjoyed, in , early years, by either her father or mother. She 1s not compelled to labor as hard as they were obliged to labor when young; and she is blessed with the means of education far beyond what they 'had. Her associations, too, are of a dif " ferent order, all tending to elevate her views of life, to refine her tastes, and to give her admis? sion into a higher grade of society than they, ‘ were fitted to move in. a. ‘ Unless very watchful of herself and very thoughtful of her parents, a daughter so situated - ,will be led at times to draw comparisons between A ner own cultivated intellect and' taste and the want of such cultivation it her parents, and to’ think indifl'erently of them, as really inferior, be- * cause not so well educated and accomplished as she is. A distrust of their judgment and a dis- respect of their opinions will follow, as a natural consequence, if these thoughts ‘and feelings be indulged. This result often takes place with CONDUCT TOWARDS PARENTS. 127 thoughtless, weak—minded girls; and is fol.owed by what is worse, a disregard to their feelings, wishes, and express commands. A sensible daughter, who loves her parents, will hardly forget to whom she is indebted for all the superior advantages she enjoys. She will also readily perceive that the experience which her parents have acquired, and their natural strength of mind, give them a real and great superiority over her, and make their judgment, in all matters of life, far more to be depended upon than hers could possibly be. It may be that her mother has never learned to play upon the piano, has never been to a dancing-school, has never had any thing beyond the merest rudiments of an education; but she has good sense, prudence, industry, economy; understands. and practises 7 all the virtues of domestic life; has a clear, dis- criminating judgment; has been her husband’s faithful friend and adviser for some twenty or thirty years; and has safely guarded a'nd guided her children up to mature years. These evr- dances of a mother’s title to her respect and full- est confidence cannot long be absent from a daughter’s mind, and will prevent her acting in direct opposition to her» judgment. Thoughtless indeed must be that child who can permit an emotion of disrespect towards her 128" ADVICE 'ro YOUNG LADIES. parents to dwell in her bosom for more than a singlemoment! . Respect and love towards parents are abso- lutely necessary to the proper formation of the character upon that true basis which will bring into just order and subordination all the pow- ers of the mind. Without this order and sub- ordination there cah be no true happiness. A child loves and respects his parents, because from them he derived his being, and from them reo ceives every blessing and comfort. To them, and _ to them alone, does his mind turn as the authors of all the geod gifts he possesses- As a mere child, It is right for him thus to regard his parents as the authors of his being and the originators of all his blessings. But as reason gains strength and he sees more deeply into the nature and causes of things; which only takes place asthe child ap- proaches the years of maturity; it is then seen ' that the parents‘werev only the agents through which life, and all the blessings accompanying it, came from God, the great Father of all. If the parents have been loved with a truly filial‘love, then the mind has been suitably opened and pre- pared for love towards God, and an obedience to his divine laws, without which there can be no « true happiness. When this new and higher truth takes possession of the child’s mind, it in i commc'r TOWARDS PARENTS. 129 no way diminishes his respect for his earthly parents, but increases it. He no longer obeys them because they command obedience, but he regards the truth of their precepts, and in that truth hears the voice of God speaking to him. More than ever is he now careful to listen to their wise counsels, because he per- ceives in them the authority of reason, which is the authority of God. Most young ladies, on attaining the age of responsibility, will perceive a difference in the . manner of their parents. Instead of opposing them, as heretofore, with authority, they will oppose them with reason, where opposition is deemed necessary. The mother, instead of say- ing, when she disapproves any thing, “No, my child, you cannot do it;” or, “No, you must not go, dear;” will say, “I would rather not have you do so ; ” or, “I do not approve of your going.” If you ask her reasons, she will state them, and endeavor to make you icompre- hend their force. It is far too often the case, that the daughter’s desire to do what her mother disapproves is so active, that neither her mother’s objections nor reasons are strong enough to counteract her wishes, and she follows her own inclinations instead of being guided by her mother’s better judgment. In these instances, 9 130 ADVICE To YOUNG LADIES ‘ ‘ she almost always does wrong, and sufl'ers there- from either bodily or mental pain; Obedience in childhood is that by which we are led and guided into right actions. When we become men and women, reason takes the place of obedience; but, like a young bird just fluttering from its nest, reason at first has not much strength of wing; and we should therefore suffer the reason of those who love us, like the mother-bird, to stoop under andbear us up in our earlier efforts, lest we fall bruised and wounded to the ground. To whose reason ‘ _ should a young girl look to strengthen her own, so soon as to her mother’s, guided as it is by love? But it too often happens that, under the first impulses of consc1ous freedom, no voice is regarded but the voice of inclination and pas- sion; The mother may oppose, and warn, and urge the most serious considerations, but the i - daughter turns a deaf ear to all. She thinks . that she knows best. Let us gble a case in point . - a r “ You are not going to-night, Mary? ” said a mother, coming into her daughter’s room, and finding her dressing for a ball. She had been rather seriously indisposed, for some days, with a cold that had fallen upon hervthroat and chest, which was weak, .but was now something better .— CONDUCT TOWARDS PARENTS. 131 “ I think I will, mother, for I am much better than I was yesterday, and have improved since morning. I have promised myself so much pleasure at this ball, that I cannot think of being disappointed.” The mother shook her head. “ Mary,” she replied, “you are nr-t well enough to go out. The air is damp, and you will inevitably take more cold. Think how badly your throat has been inflamed.” “I don’t think it has been so very bad, mother.” “ The doctor told me it was hadlyinflamed, and said you would have to be very careful of yourself, or it might prove serious.” “ That was some days ago. It is a great deal better now.” “But the least exposure may cause it to return.” “I will be very careful not to expose myself. [will wrap up warm and go in a carriage. I am sure there is not the least danger, mother.” “While I am sure that there is very great danger You cannot pass from the doorto the krrriage without the damp air striking upon your face, and pressing into your lungs." “ ButI must not always exclude myself {mini 132 ADVICE T0 YOUNG LADIES. the air. mother. Air and exercise, you know, the doctor says, are indispensable to healtl .” “Dry, not damp a.r. This makes the dif- ference. But you must act for yourself, Mary. You are now a woman, and must freely act in the light of that reason which God has given you. Because I love you. and desire your welfare, I thus seek to convince you that it is wrong to expose your health to-night. Your great desire to go blinds you to the real danger, which I can fully see.’ . “ You are over- anxious, mother,” urged Mary. " “I know how I feel. much better than you pos- sibly can, and I know I am well enough to go.” “\I have nothing more to say, my child,” returned the mother. “I wish you to act freely, but wisely. Wisely I am sure you will not act if you go to-n-ight. A temporary illness may not _ alone be the consequence; your health may receive a shock from which it will never re- cover." “ Mother wishes to frighten me,” said Mary to herself, after her mother had left the room. , “ But I am not to be so easily frightened. I am sorry she makes such a serious matter about my going, for I never like to do any thing that is not agreeable to her feelings. But I must go to this I! CONDUCT TOWARDS PARENTS. 133 hall. William is to call for me at eight, and he would be as much disappointed as myself ifI were not to go. As .0 taking more cold, what of that? I would willingly pay the penalty of a. pretty severe cold rather than miss the ball.” Against all her mother’s earnestly urged objec- tions, Mary went with her lover to the ball. She came home, at one o’clock, with a sharp pain through her breast, red spots on her cheeks, oppression of the chest, and considerable fever. On the next morning she was unable to rise from her bed. When the doctor, who was sent for, came in, he looked grave, and asked if there had been any exposure by which a fresh cold could be taken. “She was at the ball last night,” replied the mother. “Not with your approval, madam?” he said quickly, looking with a stern expression into the mother’s face. “ No, doctor. I urged her not to go; but Mary thought she knew best. She did not be- lieve there 'was any danger.” A strong expression rose to the doctor’s lips, but he repressed it, lest he should needlessly alarm the patient. On retiring from her charm her, he declared the case to be a very critical one: and so it proved to be. Mary did no! 134 ADVICE T0 YOUNG LADIES. leave her room for some months, and when she did, it was with a constitution sb impaired that she Could not endure the slightest fatigue, nor hear the least exposure. Neither'change of eumate nor medicine availed any thing towards restoring her to health; ' In this feeble state, she married, about twelve months afterwards, the young man‘ who had accompanied her to the ball. 'One‘ year from the period at which that .happy event took place, she died, leaving to stranger hands a babe that needed all her ten- derest care, and a husband almost broken-hearted at his loss 3‘ ‘ j. . " This is not merely a picture from the imagina- tion, and highly colored. It is from nature, at '1 every line is drawn with, the pencil of truth/ Hundreds of young women yearly sink into tin ’ grave, whose friends can trace to some simila act of imprudence, committed in direct opposi -tion to the earnest persuasions of parents or ' friends, the cause of their premature decay and . death. And too often other, and sometimes even worse, consequencesthan death, follow a disregard of the mother’s voice of ’warning. ’ Let no young lady, then, consider herself free to follow the impulse of her own feelings, bo- eause she is no longer u'nder the authority of her parents. Let her remember that she is still to live CONDUCT TOWARDS PARENTS. 135 in the strictest obedience, —— obedience to reason, — and that, at her tender age, her own reason is not sutliciently matured, but must be strengthened and guided towards sound conclusions by the experience of others. To her parents she must, therefore, still look; and she is as much bound to obey the voice of reason speaking through them, as she was before bound to obey the voice of authority. If heedless of this voice of reason thus speaking, she must not wonder if she commit serious errors, that may entail upon her years, it may be a lifetime, of sufi'ering and repentance. From what has been said, let it not be sup- posed that a young lady should not cultivate the habit of thinking for herself, nor seek the guid- ance of her Own reason, properly enlightened. No; this is essential to the moral health and true Well-being of every individual. All that is meant is, that every young lady should willingly receive the aid of others’ reason and experience, to enable her to decide in her own mind what is right for her to do under certain circumstances. So much inclined will she be to act from feeling and impulse, that she will find all such aids of the first importance; and she will be in much more danger of acting from her own impulse! 136 ADVICE ro YOUNG LADIES. and passions, and thus acting wrong, than she will be of acting blindly from the advice of parents'or friends. _ | \Vhile on this subject, we must direct your thoughts particularly to your mother. You are nineteen, twenty, or may be twenty-two; her years are past two score. You are in the bloom and vigor of young life; her strength has been wasted. Look at her colorless cheeks—sunken it may be; at her eyes, which have lost much of their brightness ; at her slender form, which re- tains scarcely anything of its youthful roundness _V _ Her stephis often slow from weariness; her brows ' often knit with pain; she falters many times in her movements from simple weakness. And yet, as it has been from your earliest re- ‘ collections of your mother, she rises before you in the morning, and takes upon her stooping should-- -» ., ers the day’s heavy burden of care‘and work ;_ and with scarcelyfan intermission, keeps at her ‘ tiresome round of duties through all the day. \3 Have you thought of this? Do you let the sober facts of the case come up to your mind dis- tinctly? Think back for twenty yearse—twenty, long, long years. [Whose arms carried you in helpless infancy? From whose breast flowed the 4 - life—streams that sustained your tender life? Who bent over you through the long night watches, in CONDUCT TOWARDS Panama. 137 sickness, and counted her own strength as nothing, so that health might be given back to her darling child? Ah, have not your arms wearied of the weight of a baby brother or sister, held only for a brief season ? It was so tiresome to be a nurse. But your mother has been nurse to five children. You cannot realize all the pain and anxious care; all the exhaustion, weariness, selfldenial, and pa- tience which have been included in the past twen- ty-five years of her life. But if you will only think soberly about this; if, from what you have seen, you will make the effort to come into some distinct realization of what your mother has done ‘and sufi'ered for her children, we are sure you will not only feel difierently towards her, but also act differently. ' You will begin to ask yourself if there is no way by which you can lighten her burdens, still as heavy for her as when her strength Was double what it is now. If you are really in earnest, you will find some difliculties in your way. Your mo- ther has so long been household manager and worker, and so long been in the habit of serving her children instead of being served by them, that ‘she will not readily delegate her duties. She will, perhaps, feel as if it would be easier to do things herself, than to take the time to instruct you. She is satisfied with your musical accomplishments '138 _ ADVICE T0 YOUNG. LADIES. —is proud of your school achievements, but looks upon you as a child in household duties. 7 Now, you cannot come in and push her aside officiously.‘ She will not bear this; for she is the governess and directress in the household, and whoever acts must do so under her permission or instruction. If, now that your thought is alive to this subject, it should happen, as it will, that you find your mother engaged in doing something beyond the warrant of her strength, or while suf~ fering from one of her exhausting nervous head- -' aches, do not address her in an imperative way, i i ' nor endeavor to take her work out of her hands. -' Do not say- —“ There,'now, mother, why will you” do so? Let me have that work ; I can do it just- as well as you can. If you would only go to bed and rest when you feel so badly’ . The probabilities are, that your efi'orts to relieve , “-your mother, if made after this fashion, will be ' fruitless. The right way is very different. You ‘ must begin by showing an interest—such as you ought really, as a grown~up daughter, to feel—in - the general economy of the household, and put in ‘_ a helping hand here and there, unobtrusively, as ~Viloccasion ofi‘ers, and always in a. way, if possible, L ’ to lighten your mother’ s burdens. Your own eyes, if you open them, and your own good sense, ifyou ‘ exerM'se it, will show you how, and when,iand CONDUCT TOWARDS PARENTS. 139 where to take hold in this judicious manner. Your mother will be pleased, even if for a time. She only makes her observation of your movements in silence. and regards you with a changed feeling. And in your affection for her will now be per- ceived a new element. Thinking about and really caring for your mother, will cause you to feel for her a tenderer interest. Insensibly your manner towards her, your tone of voice, and the character of your language, will change—and all this her quick perception will recognize. After this, she will yield more readily to all your efiorts to share her duties, which she knows are too great for her strength, and which, as she is often too painfully conscious, are daily sapping the foundations of her life. . Thus gradually you may lighten your mother’s care and toil, give rest to her weary limbs, re- pose to her exhausted nerves, and ease the pains that rob her days of pleasure and nights of, sleep. You have not thought that, now, the balance of her bodily health hangs most delicately adjusted, and that a feather’s weight on the wrong side may be equivalent to death I But it is even so. How many mothers die just at her age! Look around, and count the desolate households within the circle of your own vision. It may be your turn next to weep in unavailing sorrow for the 140 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. loss of the best and dearest friend you have ever known. ' , 7 Be up, then, and doing 1 Stand by the side of your mother, a thoughtful young woman, and let a part of the burden under which she stoops now so wearily, rest upon your stronger shoulders. It will make light for both, what is now almost crush ing her down. i ' Self-denial will often be required of you, in this new assumption of cares and duties; but self denial you will have to learn, and this is the easiest school in which the virtue can ever be acquired. ‘But the pain of self-denial will, in most cases, change to interior delight, when, as a con. sequence, you see your patient, over-tasked mother ‘ enjoying rest or ease from pain. ‘ Some years ago, a young lady was getting ready to spend a few weeks at a fashionable summer resort with a party of gay friends, who promised themselves much enjoyment. Dresses had to be made; and there was a world of busy preparation in the family. Of course, as is usual in such cases, her mother had the largest share of the ad- ditional labor to perform. Naturally, she desired her daughter to make as good an appearance as the ether girls; and so she tasked herself beyond all prudence, sitting up late at night, in order to have her wardrobe in the best possible condition k l CONDUCT TOWARDS PARENTS. 141 In the midst of this preparation, an aunt of the young girl, her father’s sister, and a lady of just views and right feelings, came to spend a few days. She noted what was going on with observ- ant eyes. Being alone with her niece on the evening that followed the day of her arrival, she made this remark to her: “ I am sorry to see, Helen, that your mother is failing in health.” “ Do you think so 7” was the niece’s almost sur- prised inquiry. “ I certainly do. It is nearly six months since I was here; but in that time, the change to my eyes is very marked. She is thinner and weaker. Her eyes are larger and brighter, and I notice times of the day in which there are little flushed spots on her cheeks. Do you know that her mo- ther died when about her age ?” “Why, aunt Agnes I” ‘ exclaimed the young girl, with almost a. cry of pain. ~ “ It is true, my dear. I rememberiher mother very well. A pale, overtasked, wasted woman at forty-five, just as she is now; taxed beyond her ' strength every day, and falling at last under the weight of duties that no one thought of sharing with her. J ustas your mother will fall, Helen, unless you are more considerate of her ” “ Me, aunty !” said Helen, in astonishment 142 ADVICE T0 YOUNG LADIES; “When I say you, child, I mean all in the house, your father not excepted. Is she going to the sea-shore, or to the mountains this year?” “I think not. No one has suggested it; or, I presume, thought of it.” “ Yet no one in the family, except her, really stands in need of the invigorating sea or mountain air; or so much requires change of scene," and freedom from work and care. You are well. I never saw you look better.” “Oh, I am well, aunt Agnes l” . ‘ “And yet you are going to the sea-shore, while . your mother remains ,athome. It strikes me, that there is something wrong here, Helen. Think it over a little.” _ "‘ It doesn’t require any thinking, aunty,” plied her niece. “The case is exactly as you have stated. it. If any one in this house goes" away, for health, pleasure, or rec1eat10n, it should be mother. I see that clearly enough " ‘ “ I am glad you do, my dear,” said the aunt, in a. pleased way; “ for I have great faith in your love for your‘m'other.” Helen looked a little puzzled at this last remark. “ I am sure I love her dearly, aunty, and never had a child better cause to love a mother.” “ I know that, dear; or I should not hava ven- tured to speak to you so plainly.” CONDUCT TOWARDS PARENTS. 143 “ Say all that is in your thoughts, aunt Agnes.” “There is much in my thoughts, dear,” replied the aunt, “ and what I have already said must suggest some of them to your mind. You are the oldest daughter, and the only one in the family who can really take your mother’s place, or lighten materially the burden of her duties. If you go away, she cannot. You do not require the change she does. Your summer jaunt will be only a trip of pleasure; hers, if she were to take it, might add years to her life. Is there any question as to which ought to go '3” “None," was the answer. “Then let your mother go.” “ Gladly, dear aunt, would I give up all my promised pleasure, if mother could be induced to leave home for even a single week. But she will not hear to such an arrangement.” “ There are difliculties in the way, I can see,” answered aunt Agnes. “ But I hardly think them insurmountable. If I have you fully on my side, they can be overcome.” “I am wholly on your side,” returned Helen. “ What you have said about her health, and the death of her mother when at her age, has fright- ened me. Are a few days or weeks of gay life anything to me, in comparisor with my mother? 144 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES] No No! I could not now enjoy myself for a single moment,'if I went from home.” “ \Ve must bring your father into our counsels,” saidthe aunt. “ He will be on the right side of this question, of course.” . “ If mother goes, he will have to accompany her.” i “ Yes; and he also needs change and recreation, for I notice that he exhibits signs of failure. His profession ,tries the health. severely.” “. And you and I will remain at home, and take 7 charge of the house,” said Helen. “That is just the arrangement which I am ready to enter into, if. you are fully agreed.” “ Which, of course, I am,” said the niece, with a heartiness that left no doubt of her being en- tirely in earnest. ' Nearly all the preparations for Helen’ s depar- ture were completed by the next day. On the very night of this conversation, the mother sat up until two o’clock, at work on a lacecape for Helen, the style of which she wished to'change, so as to bring it nearer the present fashion. Her head . ached so as almost to blind her for two hours of this time, and she had, finally, to stop, because of a. nervous trembling in her bands, which made it impossible to guide a needle any longer.‘ In the morning that followed this night of ex- CONDUCT TOWARDS PARENTS. 145 oessive exhaustion, the mother,in attempting to rise, was attacked with violent headache, sick- ness of the stomach, and partial numbness of one side of her body. She was subject to attacks of this kind, which lasted for a few hours, and then gradually wore off. So she thought of it only as a periodic nervous condition. But the husband, sister, and daughter, made it the occasion of send- ing for the doctor, who, taking his one from them, gave it as his opinion, that safety demanded an immediate relaxation from her hard duties. “ You must spend a week or two at Cape May,” said he. “ Impossible, doctor,” she replied. “Why impossible ?” “ Oh, there are twenty reasons, I can’t leave home. - . “ If there were forty, they must be set aside,” answered the doctor. . “ You will have to change the prescription, doctor, for I can’t' take this one,” said the patient. “ It is out of the question, I cannot leave home.” “ You had better leave voluntarily for a brief period, than involuntarily for ever,” was the phy- sician's response to this. The mother turned her eyes upon Helen, and thought of the disappointment she would suffer; for both could not go away from home. The W 146 ADVICE T0 YOUNG LADIES. daughter understood what was in her thoughts, and leaning down over her said, in a tone of voice which left no doubt as to her sincerity, ' “I am not going to-morrow, nor this summer. You must go, I am strong and well; you weak, wasted, and Sick.” Her eyes filled with tears, and her voice choked, but she added, “Aunty and I will take charge of the family.” And she glanced towards her aunt for confirming words. “Yes, that arrangement will just‘suit me,” re- plied the aunt. , “ You must go. The. doctor is righ.’ I K The invalid, for such she really was, turned her large bright eyes upon her husband’s face with questioning looks. He understood what was in her thoughts . “ The doctor’ s prescription must be followed. I have thought as much before. Helen has spoken the truth, and in the right spirit; :‘She is strong and well; you weak, wasted, and sick. She does 'not require change, rest, and recreation, but you do; and if any one goes from home in search of health, let it be the one who most needs it.” a “I cannot go alone”, Shegwas yielding; , 3‘ Of course not. If you go, I must accompany _ you.” . - . .. . V “ And you need the relaxation and strengthen- inginfluence of sea air, almost as much as mother I CONDUCT TOWARDS PARENTS. 147 does,” said Helen. “ I shall be so glad to have you both go.” And she struck her hands together in real de. light. There was no use now in opposition, though still the mother objected feebly. All was over- ruled, and in three days Helen saw her father and mother leave for Cape May. In a few weeks the mother returned, looking so well, and feeling so well, that it seemed like a par- tial rejuvenation. “ Dear Helen,” said the aunt, before returning to her own home, “let me impress on your mind what you already perceive, that if you desire to keep your mother, you must lessen her cares and duties.” ' This injunction was scarcely needed, for love, now that it had been given eyes to see, was press- ing her forward into the breach, that she might save her mother. And through her timely aid and . loving care, that mother’s life was spared for many years. Like Helen, fair young reader, you may be all unconscious of the fact, that your mother, taxed beyond her strength, is in imminent danger of falling by the way. You take the summer jaunts. You get the fresh mountain air and the invigora« ting sea breezes, while she remains in the hot \ 148 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. city, bending wearily, or in pain, over her unrep- mitted tasks. ' ’ Is all this right? We leave you to answer the question‘ to your own heart. CHAPTER XIII. EQUALITY VOF THE SEXES. firNGULARLY enough, we have in this day a was: of intellectual ladies, who boldly contend r mr rite absolute equality of the sexes, and who write nooks for the purpose of proving this doc- trine, and spreading it throughout society. As far as we are able to understand what they do believe, we infer that they hold the only radical difference that exists between a. man, and a ‘ woman to be the difference of physical con- formation—the social difference that is seen everywhere, arising from man’s superior phys- ical power, by which he is able to keep woman in subjection. They claim for woman equal civil and political privileges with man. and see , * nothing but tyranny in the law, or usage that has the force of law, which keeps a woman out EQUALXTY OF THE SEXES. 149 of her country’s legislative halls. Every where would these reformers place women in contest with men for the honors and emoluments which society bestows upon the successful;—in the camp, on the bench, at the bar, in the pulpit, in the dissecting-room, or hospital, with the opera- tor’s knife in her hand,—in fact, wherever strong nerve, powerful intellect, decision, and firmness are required. Some of the books written by advocates of these doctrines contain views of a most. per- nicious character, striking still more deeply at he very foundations of social well-being. As ,might be supposed, few of their writers under- stand or teach what is true in regard to mar- riage. And this is no matter of wonder; for how can any one, who is not able to see the true difference between the sexes, teach what is true in regard to their union? {— In order to guard our young friends against the false reasonings, and equally false conclu— sions, of these advocates of the equality of the sexes, we will, in as plain and comprehensive a way as possible, set forth what is the true rela- tion of one sex to the other; and in doing this we must explain the radical difference. As to equality in itself, this, no doubt, exists; but it is in the equal right of both to be useful and happy 150 ADVICE 'ro YOUNG LADIES in the particular spheres for which God created them. The main point of equality which is contended for, and upon which all the rest is made to depend, is intellectual equality; and here the great error is committed, and it is com- mltted by " intellectual” or “masculine” wo- men, who hoid the same false relation to their sex, that “ efi‘eminate” men hold to theirs. It is a little curious that the first use made, by these intellectual women, of their great mental powers, is to lead their followers into a most dangerous error! , i ‘\ll That there does exist as great a difference between the mental as between the physical structure of the sexes, is clear, from common perception, to almost every one. That it must be so, will be seen from this: Every physical form that we see in nature is the outbirth of i' 1-1 some spiritual and invisible cause; and the pe- r 'culiarity of its form and quality depends solely upon the peculiarity‘of its cause. The cause that produces a rose is different from that which 7 produces a lily, and ever remains difl'erent. The a ,cause that‘ produces a lion is different from that which produces a lamb. It is not circumstances, ‘the peculiarity of education, nor any other ex- ternal thing, that makes this difference, for it is radical. ‘ And as this is true in the broader, so EQUALITY on THE snxns. 151 is it true in all the minuter, shades of difi'erence that exist in the world of nature. If there be any difference in form, there is a corresponding difference, be it ever so minute, in the producing cause. Keeping this in view, it may readily be seen, that what makes man a man, and woman a woman, is not the body, but the mind; and, as the body is formed from, by, or through the mind as a cause, the mind of a man must be dif- ferent from the mind of a woman, because he has a different external conformation. This dif- ference 18 not a slight one , it is a difference tha. pervades every part of the body The question now comes—“ In what does this difference specifically consist?” Before attempting to answer this fully, let‘ it be re? marked, that this difference is a uniting dif- ference, not a separating one; and that inherent in the two sexes is an instinct that tends to a union of one with the other. This union, let it be further stated, is necessary to the formation of'a perfect being: until it does take place, both the man and the woman must be, in a certain sense, imperfect— he only a thinking man, and she only a loving man. But when it is effected, then both unite to form one truly perfect man, with thought and affection in their fullest powu'. As clearly as it is possible for us to do it, will 152 ADV-CE T0 YOUNG LADIES. we now endeavor to show in what the difference of the sexes‘consists. The mind is composed of two faculties, Will and Understanding; the one the seat of afi'ection, and the other of thought. The brain is that organ by which the mind acts, and is marked by two grand divisions, the cere- brum and the cerebellum. The cerebrum occu- pies the highest and anterior part of therskull, while the cerebellum, or- little brain, as it is sometimes called, occupies the lower and pos- terior part of the skull. It is by means of the cerebellum that the will acts, and by means of . the cerebrumi that the understanding acts. By the will, affections are excited; and by the under standing, thoughts. »The will feels, or loves; the understanding thinks. The understanding is the agent of the’will, and bodies forth or gives-~ forms, to its peculiar affections. _The will is man’s life or love, and the understanding is only the means by which the life or love of a man . comes into activity, and thence into power. By keeping this division in the mind, the dif- ference between the sexes, when stated, will be clearly apparent. A man has will and under- standing. and a cerebellum and cerebrum by which they act; and so has a woman. In this they are alike. But in man the understanding predominates, and in woman the will ; and, hero EQUALITY or THE snxns. 153 they are different. If this be so, we may, of course, expect to find a larger development of the cerebrum, or upper brain, in man, and a larger development of the cerebellum, or lower brain, in woman; and this is so. A man’s head is higher, and fuller in front, than a woman’s; while a woman’s head is broader and larger behind than a man’s. From this it will be seen that man has a will and an understanding , and so has a woman; —-that both are thinking and loving beings, but that in one the understanding or intellect preponderates, and in the other“ the will or affections; and there- fore to claim mental equality is absurd. A man is not equal to a woman, nor a woman equal to a man. As to the question of superiority, we .— -.1. 'W—MMWGW W “e“ however wthaLthawillhasreferencehto good,.an nd 5001' +54 the hunderstanding to truth; the afl‘ectjow WWCX gauging; quality or goo and the understand- Liz/140‘ fl ing being merely the discriminating powerJnL mm which truth is perceived. Some think good higher than truth; and this is our own opinion Good is, in fact, the essence, and truth the form, of a thing. The true difference between the sexes is that which we have just stated. Now, let any sen- sible woman reflect upon the nature of this dif- I54 ADVICE T0 YOUNG LADIES. ference, and she will at once see that the claim of equality which is set up is altogether an erro- neous one, and that the attempt to make woman equal in the way some contend that she should be, would be to do the greatest possible wrong, ‘both to herself and society. That she has not the strong intellectual'power that man possesses no woman, but one blinded“ by her own pride and self-love, will for a moment attempt to maintain. There are men of weak intellect, and women of strong intellect;'but take the whole mass of women and the whole mass .of men, and every one can see that there is“ an immense pre ponderance-of intellect in the one over the other. By intellect do not understand us to say mind: we are only speaking of a faculty of the mind by which man is peculiarly distin-» guished. Love, the sweeter, purer, stronger quality of mind, is woman’s. ' In the beginning, God made man male and fe~ male. There is a deep significance in this peculiar language. It is said in the Bible, speaking of a man and his wife, that They twain shall be one flesh. And the common, perception of man- kind, brought down into common language, is, that “a man and his wife are one." This is not. a mere figure of speech, a beautiful 4 EQU‘LITY OF THE sexes. 15" Q. Idealism. It is the truth. A man and his wife. truly so, are one. Now, how can two things, precisely alike, become one? A man and a man are alike, and so are a woman and a woman; but the not become one. There needs to be a uniting difl‘erence; and this we have in the preponderance of intellect in man, and ufl'ection in woman; and their union, mystical and holy, is needed to make one truly perfect, effective man. Of the nature of this mystical union we had thought of speaking here at some length; but the subject is rather difficult of comprehension, and- handly in place in a work like this. ‘ It follows, from what has been said, that mar- riage is essential to human perfection. This we firmly believe, and we also believe that where marriage is opposed from principle, (it never is from any other than a selfish principle,) the mind becomes perverted from its true order, and- the intellect weakened. ‘ It may seem to some, that to say ‘equality of the sexes is not the true mode of speaking, as a denial of this equality, leaves on themind an idea of inferiority of one to the other. To some, the terms used will doubtless convey this mean- , ing. The difficulty of choosing terms that ex- press with perfect exactness what we desire to 1156 AD nor: an YOUNG LADIES. convey, is often very great, especially as to the same set of terms different persons attach pecu- liar, and sometimes very important, shades of difl'erence. By equal, as used in this chapter, is meant being alike as to mental conformation and mental power—which is denied. As 1.0 which is highestor lowest, superior or inferior, that is another matter. Here we believe woman to be the equal of man; not born to obedience but to be his intelligent and loving companion. Let no young woman be deceived by the class offreformers, to which we made allusion in the? commencement of this chapter. Some of them,',5 stepping out of the sphere for which God 311de 3 a n". A their own peculiar mental qualities designed them, are assuming the place of men as itinerant rand‘public lecturers; and most of them speak almost with a species of scofling of the holy 7 , state of Wedlock. No good, in any case, has ' .ever arisen, but much evil, from the promulga- tion of their pernicious doctrines. Man they are too much in the habit of representing as a selfish tyrant, and woman as his plaything or slave; and they are full of intemperate appeals to their sex to throw off the yoke that man has placed upon their necks. That there are men who are selfish tyrants, and make slaves of their wives,‘is not to, be denied; but just as man, 1‘ 5\J< .y; 15/ EQUALITY OF THE SEXES. women tyrannize over their husbands. These form the exceptions, not the rule; and to judge of all, by these exceptions,_shows either a weak head or a bad heart. A . ~ WM 3 cc C; Silvie. As far as we have observed these social re- formers, we find that the great evil complained of, the head and front of all the wrong they sufi‘er, lies in the necessity there is for the female sex to attend to domestic duties, while man steps abroad into the world, and makes himself a name and a place therein. They complain, that every avenue to wealth, place, and preferment, is blocked up by men, and that a woman is not permitted, by the absurd customs of society, to contend for honors and wealth, but must meekly withdraw into her little circle at ,home, and be content with her husband’s honor, or the portion of his wealth he may choose to dole out to her. ' With this idea set steadily before their minds, at the same time that they are profoundly igno- rant of what really makes the difference between man and woman, they see nothing but wrong and oppression in the usages of society, and charge upon man the authorship of what is only the legitimateresult of a law impressed by the H hand of God upon the human mind. In thus speaking, it is not meant to denv that ' \ Ms" {L I58 anvwn 'ro YOUNG LADIES. many evils exist in Society, and that women do not suffer sorely from these evils. This, alas! we know too well. But that which is pointed 1ut by the persons we allude to, as the cause, is 'i dot the true one. There is something really so absurd and re- volting in the idea of taking woman out of her present sphere, and her present high and holy uses in society, and placing her side by side with man in the world’s rough arena, and in contest with him for honor, and fame, and wealth, that , i we cannot seriously argue against it. We, have deemed it sufficient to show that, in the very nature of things, such can never be the case. 1 CHAPTER. XIV. , CONDUCT 'rowanns mam ‘THERE are two extremes which we. constantly see among young women on first going into com— pany, and coming into the society of men. The ' - one is a simpering bashfulness, that looks and is very s1lly, while the other is exhibited in a bold. counuc'r TOWARDS MEN. - 159 free air, that is even more offensive to ‘good sense and propriety. A little more confidence will correct the one, and a little more modesty the other. Both are exceedingly unpleasant to meet with, though the former is much more tol-‘ erable to men of true feeling and discernment than the latter. These latter will always find plenty of young men ready to gossip, and flirt, and take liberties of speech with them, that the self-respect of any modest girl would cause her at once to repel; but the crowd they gather around them is far from being a crowd of real admirers; or, if weak enough to admire,rthey are far from being such admirers as a true; woman would wish to have. They are mostly silly boys, or men who have lost all true respect for W! man. ‘ - _ On first going into company, a pure-mind , truly modest, inexperienced girl, will naturally feel a degree of reserve and embarrassment, especially on meeting with and being introduced to strange young men. This feeling of reserve she should not seek to throw off, unless the men have received their introduction to herthrough her father or brother, or some particular friend of the family, in whom her parents evident'y place great confidence. When this is the case. politeness requires that she should endeavor to '/ 1 t 160 ADVICE To sum“ LADXES. make herself agreeable and entertaining to’the person so introduced, by joining in conversation with him upon some general topic, instead of merely replying in monosyllables to every remark he may offer -— a custom that is very annoying to a person who is politely endeavoring toentertain another. Don’t say that you cannot do it—that you don’t know what to say. Compose your mind. and think, and thought will soon dictate what you ought to say. If, however, the person _ who is seeking your acquaintance, has been in- troduced, without your consent, by some other than your father, brother, or your parents’ par- ticular friend, you NeannWflsguewElf him. You have no guaranty for his character or—his principles, and therefore you should not let him be upon easy and familiar terms ‘with' you. . I , ‘ ‘ In regard to her acquaintances of the other 7 sex a ouncr lad cannot be too articular. It 1 Y a y P is no proof that a young man is worthy to be i numbered among her friends, because he is well dressed, good looking, 'converses intelligently, and yisits at the house, or attends the parties .given by this, that, or the other respectable person. The error of believing this is a too ‘ common, but a very dangerous one. Unfor- tunately, su'c'n evidences are no proofs of true '» 3- ,‘ CONDUCT TOWARDS MEN. 161 respectability and virtue. As society is now constituted, the worst class of young men, as well as the best, are equally free to mingle in fashirnable circles: all that is needed to give them access are family, education, and good manners. The most depraved, alike with the must virtuous, may possess these external advan- tages. How often is it the case that we see a young man, whose habits are as bad as a de- praved heart can make them, in close and friendly conversation, and, it may be, impiously venturing to touch the hand of a pure-minded, _ innocent girl, who, if the quality of his mind could be made apparent to her, would shrink from him with horror! It is, we regret to say, an almost everyday occurrence. To prevent this as far as possible, a young lady should de- cline all proposed introductions, unless made by her nearest and best friends—those whom she knows to be discriminating, and who have deeply at heart her welfare. If introductions are forced upon her without her consent, she can do no less than treat the person so introduced with politeness; but she should ’imit the acquaintance to the particular occasion. Afterwards she should be careful to treat the individual as a stranger If be, however, taking advantage of his introduc- tion, should force himself upon her, she should o 162 ADVICE 'ro YOUNG moms. not treat him with rudeness,—no lady will do that,—but with a degree of coldness that will sooner or later cause him to feel that his ac- quaintance is not agreeable. Reserve like this is absolutely necessary to the protection of a pure-hearted maiden, in a society constituted as ours at present is. The semblances of all that is honorable and noble- minded are so perfect, that even age, with all its penetration, cannot sometimes see through the veil that hides corruption and moral deformity, much less the eyes of a young and inexperienced girl. Treated by the other sex as a woman, a . _ maiden of seventeen, eighteen, or even twenty, \‘V is apt to forget that she knows little or nothing‘ ‘. of the world, and that her knowledge of char- acter is very limited. All around her, it seems ‘ as if a book were laid open, and she has but to read and obtain the fullest information on what-» ever appertains to life. But she has yet to learn that she sees only the appearances of things, and that realities are hidden beneath them, and can- not be seen by her except through the eyes of those who are older and more experienced. If she will believe this, it will make her modest and reserved; modesty and reserve will make her thoughtful; thinking is the mind’s seeing \ CONDUCT TOWARDS MEN 165 power, and by it, and it alone, will a young lady be able to see for herself what is right, and form her own judgment of the world into which she has been introduced, and where she has an im- portant part to act as a woman. The men with whom she comes in contact are often from two to three, and sometimes from s V to seven, years older than herself. They have seen more and thought more than she has. The first deceitful appearances of life have passed- away with them, and they can see beneath the surface. When in company with men, therefore, a young lady should seek rather to follow than lead in the conversation; for, by doing this, she will gain much useful information and many desirable hints -in regard to manners, character, socim usages, books, and various other matters useful to be known. If, as will not [infrequently be the case, young men begin some trifling chit-chat or idle gossip about fashion, or call attention to some peculiarity of dress, person, or manner in individuals present, a young lady should as adroitly as possible change the subject, and en- deavor to lead her companion into a conversation on topics of more interest and importance. If she fail'in doing this, she should maintain a rigid silence on the subjects introduced ; they are un worthy of her. and their introduction should be / I 164 ADVICE 'ro YOUNG LADIES. . felt as no compliment. It may be, that her com- panion is not able to talk about any thing more sensible; if that be the case, the quicker he seek to entertain those like him, the better, and a young lady of good sense will think stooping to gossip with him too dear a price to pay for his favorable opinion. Never converse with young men about your own private and personal matters, not of the concerns of your family. They are merely your acquaintances, not your confidential friends, and I ‘never: should be admitted to that-distinction. Some y'oung men will take a dishonorable ad- . vantage of such things, 'and repeat what you have said in order to make it appear» that you entertain for them a particular preference. If ' what you have really said be not. sufficient to’ __ give that construction to it, they will add a little‘ -. coloring, so as to make ,it suit their purpose. Many a young lady, could she hear her own 'fiwords repeated, with- a certain construction. placed upon them by young men, would weep .with shame and mortification. It is impossible ,for you to be too guarded in this particular, If you could but once hear, as the writer has dozens j pf times heard, young men, after spending an evening in free, social intercourse with young ladies, relate what this, that, and the other one I u" CONDUCT TOWARDS MEN. 165 said to them, and the manner of saying it, with the construction placed upon both words and manner, you would amost be tempted to seal your lips in silence when again in company. In matters like this, the vanity of some young men causes them to see far more than ever existed, Be modest, thoughtful, and rather reserved than free in your manner; repel with" coldness and silence all familiarity; take but little part inE sentimental conversati< ins, if introduced, and . repress any free expression of admiration for poetry, starlight, and moonshine, no matter how strong you may feel it.; be careful how you com- . pliment a young man’s appearance, his manners, or his talents; and, above all, let your intentions and thoughts be right, and you need not fear any serious misjudgment of your feelings or char- acter. _ ' " Among the errors which young ladies are .very prone to commit is one that all men notice, and which some men feel to be very annoying, es- pecially as the error, in too many cases, is one that mature years does not seem to correct. In this country, politeness, deference, and attention to ladies, are considered cardinal virtues among well-bred men. The best places at table, the most comfortable seats in public conveyances: me most delicate and choice viands at a. repast. 4 ‘166 A1. VICE T0 YOUNG LADKESV — in fact, every thing that is most comfortable, 0: that can at all be a matter of preference, — is gen. erously yielded by gentlemen toladies, not as their right, but from feelings of kindness, or ‘- from the dictate of that genuine politeness that always prefers another. So habitual is this to ”mm-v _ gentlemen, that a young lady meeting with def- N- .i. w... Hrs“ m- w“ 4‘“; {run ~>...-........~..«- A. .. \ erence and attention every where, _ie apt to fall into the error of supposing th‘atmit‘belmdngs to her 7 sex as a right instead of being yielded by good“. feelmg we can suppose no other to be the _ . ea50n why so many ladies, instead of waiting,“ for these preferences to be shown boldly claim them or, when shown never seem to imagme“ “ma“. “.1... ”1..., in»: m»... MM.» . a "6. mt; aclihowledgment of the kindness is , - ,....-, :- 52de I“ “the smallest return they can make. How often “do we see ‘a lady at a concert or Other public. Wp‘lace, walk deliberately tip to a gentleman who haS.Come much earlier than she has, in' order to secure a good seat and” stand in front of him, With a lock or manner. the says as plain as Mmmnwm wzumf A * ‘“‘ wor “Come sir! Ngwe place. I wish to w w «“1“ wwflljm 11¢~~~ ave that seat.” The same rudeness and want _ w W? tomghts of the other sex are daily seen by those who ride in omnibuses. The ‘ stage is stopped, and a lady of this class comes to the door for the purpose of entering, and finds every seat taken. Instead} of at once retiring. «r 41,- , We,“ mm ”Mesh MM ,-..,,V CONDUCT 'rowmns MEN. ' 167 the coon waits for the gentleman hearest the door to get out of the vehicle, in order that she may get in; and it most generally happens that, For the sake of appearances alone, some one of _ them yields his place, — no matter whether he be too much indisposed to walk without great Fa- tigue, or be in haste on important business, — and the lady gets in, perfectly unconscious of the fact that every one of her male fellow-passengers , feels that she has trespassed upon their good feelings as men. Wmnt she discovers thaLJhfiflfilage is full, retires; but ‘1.-‘.._.L_p. “We‘au.4»-:-* it is very rareiy that she is not immediately ‘ recalled by someiohemiiho says he has: but a ‘ short distance farther to go, (or who will stand outSI Eartha professes to be in no hurry, and would just as lief walk as ride. When pains are thus takéif'to make room for a lady, she should, in most cases, accept the offered seat with an - expression of thanks, as, by so doing, she will' afford the person who tenders it far more pleasure than if shewere to decline the politeness. There is often more lady-like feeling displayed in ac- cepting an ofl'ered kindness, than in declining it. It is not a little curious to see how these very ladies, who expect so much from gentlemen, Ieem to forget that any thing is due from them. Who has not come to the door of an omnibus. ”n, ‘ '_yielIl every preference. 183 ADVICE 'r-o YOUNG LADIES. one side of which had its complement of six, While upon the other lside four ladies had Spread themselves out, from end to end of the seat, not one of whom ' would move an inch to make place for ‘7 another, who had an absolute right to a part they were ungenerously occupying? It is usually a matter of indifference whether the new passenger be a lady or a gentleman; no offer .of a seat is made, and the passenger has to retire, while the owners of the vehicle are wronged out of a por- tion of their profits. All these things are noticed in a moment by gentlemen, and fOrm subjects of remark among \them. Some, with more independent firmness than others, make it a rule never to yield their rights to any woman Who thus rudely demands a deference to her convenience; while to a true lady they voluntarily render every attention, and Young ladies should, on entering society, learn to think correctly, that they may act cor-. rectly, m ail matters relating to their intercourse with gentlemen. By always remembering that they have no real title to a preference in every thing, they will be sure to receive with a proper ‘ » feeling, and a proper acknowledgment of the kindness, all polite attentions and preferences that are accorded to them by the other 39.: CONDUCT TOWARDS MEN. 16: Instead of expecting to be always receiving atten- tions fxom gentlemen, there should be an effort made to reciprocate kind offices in every possible and proper way. The preference yielded, the at tention offered, the generous self-denial made for your comfort, at the same time that it is accepted, should always be acknowledged with an air that shows that you feel it to be a favor, and not a right to which you are entitled. The manner in which young ladies conduct themselves in public, is noticed and' often remem- bered against them. It once happened to a gen- tleman, that he came to the door of an omnibus in which was room for one additional passenger. He had been sick, and this was his first day out for several weeks. After spending a few hours at his place of business, he found his strength so much exhausted, that be deemed it prudent to re- turn home. Being within a single square of an, omnibus'route, he walked to the next street, where he was compelled to stand for nearly ten minutes before a stage came by. It was full, as we have said, with the exception of one seat. That is, on one side were six passengers, and on the other, five. Three'young ladies were near the door. “ Move up, Kate,” said one of them to the girl next her. But ,Kate did not move an inch. She 170 ADVICE 'ro YOUNG LADIES. Was not going to crush her fine clothes for any man. i The gentleman stood on the step of the omni- bus and waited for a place to be made for him. “ Move, Kate,” was repeated in a whisper. “ I shall not move 1" wasthe low, petulant an- swer. “ Let him stand.” \ And the gentleman had to stand, weak and ex~ hausted as he was, upon the unsteady step of the omnibus, clinging to the swaying door, for a dis- tance of eight long squares. His quick car had caught the girl’s reply to her 'kinder and more - . thoughtful companion: So, as he stood in his un- . comfortable position, he looked into her face often enough to get her features imprinted on his mem- 7 cry. But she did not once turn her eyes towards him. She might have repented of her disoblig— ., ing Spirit; if so, from. false pride and persistence, she refused to acknowledge her wrong, by making a place for the passenger she had treated in so “selfish and unladylike a manner. So, when the gentleman came to his home and stepped feebly and wearily across the. pavement to his door, the _ fair face of that young girl was in his memory as the face of one who possessed few if any good qualities. _ i This gentleman had daughters—gentle, loving girls, to whom he was very precious. They had CONDUCT TOWARDS MEN. 171 scarcely ceased to think of him since he left them in the morning. And when he came in with his pale face and exhausted steps, they gathered anx- iously around him, one taking his hat and coat, and another drawing:r him into the parlor that he might lie down and rest on the sofa. As he lay there, he told them how he had been kept from a seat in the omnibus by a selfish youngr girl, who would not move to make room for him. How that girl’s cheek would have burned if she could have heard the comments then and there made upon her de- portment l The fatigue of going to his store, and the atten- tion to business required While there, had ex- hausted the gentleman’s strength. No ill effects, however, would have occurred from this, if, in re- turning, he had not been compelled to stand tossed and jolted on the step of an omnibus for over twenty minutes. This threw the balance against .him, produced fever, and brought on a relapse, by which his life was endangered. It was several weeks before he was able to return again to his business. A year after this occurrence, he happened to say in the hearing of a gentleman with whom he had a business acquaintance, that he was desirous of procuring for his daughters the services of a lady who understood French, and was skilled in 172 ADVICE 'ro YOUNG LADIES. music. “ If I could find the right one,” he added, “I would like her to‘reside in my fam- ily.” . I. “I think,” said the gentleman, “ that I know a young lady who will just suit. She is the ' . daughter of a friend who died about six months ago, and left his affairs in a bad condition. He was lavish ineverything while he lived, and spared no expense on his family. His oldest daughter, ‘ who is said to be a splendid performer on the piano, and highly acComplished in other respects, ‘ is now giving lessons in music, and I am sure vwould be glad to exchange her present uncertain way of maintaining herself, for the eomfort and retirement of a home such as you could offer.” “ You know her family I” said the other. “ Very well, ” was answered. ‘ ,.“It 15 good. 7” , " _ ’ “ 0 yes. You knew Adam L 7” _ “ It 13 not of his daughter that you are speak- ing- 7” “ Yes, of his daughter.’ “Is it possible. ' I was not aware that he had i left his family destitute}? ' 4 “ It 13 even so.’ “ I will talk to my daughters on the subject, ” ' said the gentleman, and see you about Miss L 7 - to-morrow. On the next day, word was CONDUCT TOWARDS MEN. 173 sent to Miss L—-——-— to call at the gentleman’s house with a view to making arrangements for re‘ siding in his family as instructor of his daughters, if such an arrangement should seem to be agreeable ' to all parties. At the time specified, she was thero. Imagine the gentleman’s surprise and disappointment, when he recognized, in mourning attire, the young lady whose selfish conduct had come near costing him his life. She did not re- member him. But her face he recollected but too well. The daughters were pleased with the girl’s manners, and after her retirement at the close of the interview, spoke very favorably in regard to her. But their father, without then giving the true reason that influenced him, decided against any arrangement with Miss L———-. He knew nothing of her but that one act ; but her conduct in a public conveyance had left so unfavorable an impression on his mind, that he could not push it aside. “I do not wish to be unjust,” he said, as he- reasoned the matter with himself. “ But the spirit which that girl displayed is so opposite to- the spirit I seek to cultivate in my children, that I am afraid to bring her in among them. It is easier to keep out what is objectionable, than to get it out after it has once got a lodgement. If 7174 ' ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES there had not been in her heart a selfish disregard for others, she could not have remained stiffly seated in her place, while I rode standing for twenty minutes; and this, after she had been reminded that by a slight inconvenience to herself room for another passenger might easily be made. A good fountain does not pour out such bitter waters. No—no—I cannot bring her into my family, for she may exhibit qualities that would render her presence there in the highest degree objectionable. I regret the necessity that requires this action on V p n : my part, but duty must take the precedence of f if ' feeling.” And so that young lady lost an opportunity for improving her condition 1n life that was in every way desirable, and all because 'she had, in a spirit __of selfish-disregard of another’s right and comfort, 'refused to make room for a gentleman" in an ' "omnibus. She never knew why her services were . : ‘1 not accepted. Our opinions of others are thus often based . upon a single act which may have been a thought- less one, and not an index of the real, character. As we see people, so we learn to estimate them. If the acts be forward, rude, or selfish, we" nat- ‘ - urally conclude that these external siwns express truly the characters of those we meet. “I don’t care what peOple think. l” you hear CHARACTER or MALE VISITORS. 175 said frequently by young girls, when spoken to in regard to their conduct. In the lives of all such, the time Will come when this disregard of other’s opinions Will operate to their serious disadvantage. “Ye forget our own actions and sayings, but others hold them often in the sharpest remembrance, and judge of us, it may be erroneously, but, neverthe- less, to our hurt. It is not true independence, but folly that inspires the indifi'erence which we here condemn. CHAPTER XV. CHARACTER OF THE MEN WHO ARE RECEIVED AS VISITORS. A YOUNG lady always has it in her power to limit her visiting acquaintances to those whose characters she fully approves. And this she owes it to herself to do. In forming an estimate of character, a. young lady will always find some dil’ficulty, because she must be ignorant of a young man’s habits, if bad, except so far as a knowledge of them hap-~ pens to come to her through common report. To a very considerable extent, however, the in- 176 ADVICE~TO YOUNG LADIES. stinctive perceptions of a virtuous young woman will materially aid her in forming an estimate of the young men into whose society she is thrown If, from the first, the presence of any one is re- pugnant to her, she will ,do well to avoid the society of that person, no matter how persever-V ingly he may seek to gain her good opinion. Around the mind of every one is a sphere of its quality, as certainly as odor surrounds a flower; and this quality is perceived in attractions or repulsions, by all who are Similar or dissimilar. [The good are instinctively drawn towards each other, and so are the evil, without the real cause coming into the mind’s consciousness. The quality of .the affections, likewise, whether good or evil, are expressed in the eye and on the face; 7 and although we have no key totheir interpreta- g‘tion, and cannot say, except in certaincasesg what the mind’s true quality is, from 'what it stamps upon the face, yet we have an instinctive perception of it as good or evil, and are repelled; or attracted involuntarily. To her first impres- 'sions of character, it will, herefore, always be well for a young lady to pay‘ great respect, and always admit with caution any one who was at first repugnant to a friendly relation. She who will keep her mind pure, and carefully observe and be guided by her first impressions of char- CHARACTER 0F MALE VISITORS. 177 acter, will not be in much danger of making the acquaintance of young men of bad moral prin- ciples. But this test is not alWays practicable, and, from many causes not necessary to be explained here, not always to be relied upon. Nor will the dislikes and prejudices of a young lady, as they will be called, always be considered by her friends sufficient reasons for her declining the visits of certain young men who to them seem very unexceptionable. If she have brothers, their unfavorable opinion of a young man, even if no allegations are made against him, should generally be considered by a young lady a sufficient reason for keeping him at a distance. Her brothers have opportunities of knowing more about young men than she pos- sibly has; for amongst young men, the habits and principles of each other are pretty wel. known. If she be in doubt, let her ask her brother’s opinion; and sufficient evidence to warrant a young man’s encouragement or re- pulsion as a visitor, will, in most cases, be soon furnished. ‘Vhen the character of a young man is known to be bad,—if he have betrayed. innocence, or been guilty of any dishonorable act,-—- 'et him not, on any consideration, be admitted to 12 ‘ R“ May...- 4 . “178 ADVICE T0 YOUNG LADIES a visiting acquaintance, nor, even in public as- semblies, noticed, except with coldness and for. mality. His family connections, his education, manners, polish, intelligence, or ability to enter- tain, should be considered as nothing when put in the scale against his evil principles, and the irreparable wrong he has done in society. It has always been a matter of surprise and regret to the writer to; see so different a custom from this prevailing in society; and he has often been led to question the purity of mind of those -‘ young girls who seemed so eager to gain-the notice and return the attentions of certain» young men, .. notorious for their want of virtue. 4Until women themselves mark with appropriate condemnation the known vicious conduct of young men, and‘ rigidly exclude all such from intimate intercourse with them, they suffer the moral atmosphere [around them to remain in an unhealthy state; i ; and its respiration, as a natural consequence, is ' detrimental to all who breathe it. ‘ \ . One reason, and a most important one, why a young lady should not admit to a friendly ac- quaintance any young man whomshe has not the very best reasons for believing to be. vir; tuoua and honorable, is this: The highest and p best, and therefore the happiest, social relation is that of marriage. A young lady cannot visu CHARACTER or- MALE vrsr'rons. 179 young men for the purpose of making a Selection of a husband: she has to remain at home and wait until some one chooses her out from all the rest, and asks her to become his partner through life. This is a matter in which, although she must remain passive, she is deeply and vitally, interested; and she cannot but desire that her/,1 hand may be sought by one who has every," 1 .a‘.‘_,L.-“l'.- V?" virtue written upon his heart. To accept or " ’ reject an offer of marriage is always in her power, and this right she should exercise with deliberation, wisdom, and firmness. It will almost always follow, that he who seeks her hand will be of those who have been for a time her visiting friends, and with whom she has been on terms of more unrestrained intercourse than with any others. Viewed in this light, the im- portance of not admitting any but men of known excellence of character as visiting friends will be clearly seen;' for it may happen, that, if this rule be. not followed, the most unsuitable, be- cause the most unprincipled of all, may be the one who makes the offer of marriage; and the young woman thus addressed may be led, from being flattered by the preference and dazzled by a specious exterior, to forget or disbelieve the common estimatiOn in which he is every where i ”(0/ ,3»: 190 ADVICE T0 YOUNG LADIES. held, .nd accept an offer that may entail upolv her a 1ifetime of regrets, perhaps of misery. It Vlll, likewise, almost always happen that a young ladv will be judged of by the company she keeps. A man of strict integrity and virtue will be very apt to think lightly of any one at whose house he meets a person that he knows to be bad, especially if he seem to be on good terms there; and he Will also be very apt to visit less fre- quently than would otherwise be the case. ' Thus, for want of sufficient firmness, it may be, to repel the advances of a bad man, a young lady - . may have to give up the benefits Of the society of a good man ——a consequence that she should be most careful to avoid. In selecting from her casual acquaintances those that she feels willing and desirous of ad- mitting to the privilege of visiting her on terms - of social intimacy, a young lady should be care- ful that brilliant qualities of mind, a cultivated taste, and superior cinversational powers, do not overcome her virtuous repugnance to base prin- ciples and a depraved life; or cause her to forget that these may exist under the most polished exterior. Those who possess sterling qualities ;J§’9f mind are not always as highly gifted as some other, and often, at first, seem very dull and very g‘minteresting persons Their silent and close Vii CHARACTER OF MALE VISITORS. 1.81 observation of all that is passing around them is not unfrequently mistaken for dulness, when at the very time this false estimation of them has been formed, they have read thoroughly, and without mistaking a letter, the whole characters of those who had misjudged them. No matter how well educated a young man may be, nor how varied may be his powers of entertainment no young lady should permit him to visit her fa- miliarly, if she have undoubted evidence of his moral depravity. There is pollution in the very atmosphere that surrounds him. The more attractive his exterior, the more dangerous he is as a companion for a young and inexperienced girl, and the more likely to dazzle and bewilder her mind, and give her false estimates of things .where true estimates are of the very first im- portance. . A young lady who admits to'her acquaintance a well-educated, polished, accomplished, but cold- hearted, unprincipled man of the world, has placed herself in a dangerous position. She is ‘ no equal for such a one. He can, with a subtlety almost beyond the power of her detection, change her ordinary views of things, confuse her judg— men , and destroy her rational confidence in the discriminating powers of her own mind; at the lame time that, by the most judicious and deb 182 ADVICE T0 YOUNG LADIES. icatcly-ofi'ered flattery, he keeps her always in a good opinion of herself. All this may be done without his having any particular design in view. He is fond of the company of ladies, and, while with them, from the abundance of his heart will utterance come forth. i In choosing her acquaintances, then, let a young lady look to good sense, good taste, and good prin- ciples, rather than to brilliancy of exterior without these. In doing so, she will find more upon which . to base a true, improving, elevating, and refining companionship, than if she select from a difi'erent ' but more imposing class. It happened in one of our large cities, that a. young man of good mind and unblemished char- acter, who had, by the death of a. relative, come intorthe possession of _a moderate fortune, be: thought him, in this improved condition of his '- _ affairs, of taking to himself a companion for life. Among his female acquaintances, was a young lady whom he had always admired for her intel- ligence, native good humor, sensibility, and taste. Towards her his thoughts first turned, and he called in to see her one evening at her father’s house. Something to his surprise, he found there a young man of whom he happened to know certain very disreputable things. which were conclusive , ~k CHARACTER or MALE VISITORS. 188 against him as to the quality of his life. With the most careful attention he noted the young lady’s‘manner of treating this individual, and was pained to observe that she was almost as familiar with him as if he had been her brother. They sang together,‘ both having fine voices and being fond of music ; talked of certain popular amusements, and certain singers and performers, with a pleased agreement of sentiment, and in other ways showed a mutual good will. Now, it so happened, that she was wholly igno- rant of this young man’s bad principles and had life. She had been in the habit of meeting him in com- pany for two or three years at the house of friends, and their love of music had drawn them together, -and created a degree of familiarity, when they met, almost like that which exists between a bro. ther and a sister. He understood her perfectly—- knew that she was pure and true ; and so guarded his conduct and his words when in her company with the most scrupulous care. He felt that it was something in his favor, as a man of tainted reputation, to be known. as the friend and visitor of this young lady. The young man who now called upon her, with new thoughts and purposes, had never before met the objectionable person at her house. " I have been mistaken in her, I fear,” was his 184 ADVICE To YOUNG LADIES. thought, as he noticed her ease and freedom of manner. “She knows this man of course, or ought to know him. No right-minded girl would admit to a familiarity like this an individual about whom she knew scarcely anything. And more than this, admitting her to be in ignorance of his 'real character, the native perceptions of a pure minded woman should have given her instinctive warning." So he thought, and so he concluded. And, moreover, he too hastily acted upon his conclusions ; -—'deciding against the very young woman who 7- ‘ had, in a higher degree than any one of his lady, ' acquaintances, the qualities of a true wife. He never called to see her again. In another case, a young lady, who had been ra- ther flattered by the attentions of a man to whom it she was introduced at the house of an acquaint-- ance, recognized him in the street a few days afterwards, a thing she ought by no means to have done, until she knew from reliable authority some- thing about his character and standing. It will not do to take it for granted that, because you meet a gentleman at the house of a friend, he is therefore all fair as to reputation. Unfor. ‘tunately, there is too little of the spirit of exclus- iveness exercised towards men of known immoral habits. You encounter them almost everywhere, CHARACTER or MALE vrsm‘oas. 185 and too often at the houses of people whose friendly notice of such characters gives them a standing that is hurtful to good morals. A young lady, therefore, is not bound by any rule of cour- tesy or politeness to recognize on the street, or in public places, any man to whom she has been only casually introduced in company or at the house of a friend. In the case now referred to, there was an unwise recognition, which was responded to by a formal bow and lifting cf the hat. People on the street who knew the man and his reputation, turned to look at his lady acquaintance, and made up an un- ' favorable opinion in regard to her on the instant. She walked on for a square or two, all unconscious of the impression which her simple recognition of ‘the man had created, when some one coming up from behind spoke to her. Turning, she saw the gentleman whom she had passed a little while be- fore. He was very gracious in manner, a little deferential, and exceedingly agreeable, as he walked with her along a fashionably crowded pavement, on a beautiful spring day, for the dis- tance of half a dozen blocks. “I was greatly surprised this afternoon,” said one young man to another, as they met on the evening of the day on which this little incident 186 ADVICE ro YOUNG LADIES. occurred, “ to see Anna T walking on Chests nut street with that fellow L “ What I” The friend to whom this was said, ejaculated the word in atone of astonishment. “ It 13 even so.’ “ You are certainly mistaken,” said the other. ~“ Not I. They are both perfectly well known to me. Anna was chatting with him in the most familiar way, and looked as pleased as if she Were in company with the best and greatest man in the nation; If she could only have seen how people turned and looked at her, or heard some of the remarks that 'came to my ear, she would not have been very much flattered.” ' “I am confounded,” was the reply to this, made l . .7 in a voice that waskfull of disappointment and re. l pf :» - r . gret. “I thought Anna one of the purest girls ‘ in my acquaintance.’ . . ’ “ so did I. But this staggers me.’ “ Still, ” said the young man, “ I must believe ' that you are in error. The young lady may have borne a striking resemblance to Miss T . You i know what singular likenesses sometimes exist be- - tween persons in no way related, and perhaps stran-_ 'gers to each other. N o, no. It could not have been Anna. That man’s presence could be nothing less than an offence to her.” . CHARACTER or MALE VISITORS. 187 “ I am just as certain as of my own existence,” was the reply to this. There was a brief pause, when the young man said : _ “ She must know L ’s reputation.” “ Of course. His bad deeds are on the lips of every one.” But Anna T did not know the vile charac- ter of this agreeable, polished, accomplished man. The fact, however, of being seen in his company, was conclusive against her in the minds of these two young men, one of whom had begun to feel for her a. tenderer sentiment than friendship. And in her heart a similar sentiment had been kindled, but that pure fire was now left to burn to ashes on their hearts, never to be again rekindled. She had, thoughtlessly, placed herself in a. wrong position, and misjudgment came in to do its evil Work. ' . ‘ It is useless to say that such misjudgments are wrong, and that young men should not make up their minds in this hasty manner. We are look- ing at consequences, and these are the real things that must claim our sober attention, for they are the hard rocks against which we are thrown in the end, and often hurt for life by the concussion. Too great circumspection cannot, therefore, be exercised by a young lady in regard to her- male 188 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. acduaintances; for by these she is judged. If they are frivolous, she will be considered like them by the casual observer; if they are known to have stained reputations—to be men without princi- ple or sure moral character, she will be esteemed lightly. But, if they be men of correct deport- _ ment in life, honorable and virtuous as well as in- telligent, her association with them will give a double benefit. She will be elevated in her thoughts and feelings, and, at the same time, acquire a rep. utation for qualities such as they possess; and on this reputation may depend associations in which her happiness in this life, and even the next may be involved. 7 ‘ CHAPTER XVI. A ‘-K RECEIVING ATTENTIONS FROM MEN. As there is always danger of misunderstanding what is meant by the particular attentions of young men, it is best to attach no partic- ular meaning to them whatever, but to hold the mind in a state of rational equilibrium. If a young girl do not think about marriage and a lover, she will not be in much danger of misin ug 7., . , I RECEIVlNG ATTENTIONS FROM MEN. 189 «31a eting either the words or manner of her man. acquaintances, nor will they be in much danger of making mistakes as to the character of her regard for them. ' In the free, social intercourse of a young lady with her friends of the other sex, the idea of love, or a particular preference of one over the other, should never be permitted to enter her mind. She should look upon them as her intel- ligent friends, and feel that their association was for mutual advantage in elevating the mind, im‘ proving the taste, and strengthening the moral principles. It will frequently happen, however, that some of her acquaintances will be more marked in their attentions than the rest, and, from the privilege of being occasional visitors, seek to establish a still more familiar and unreserved intercourse. 'lhis will be shown, it may be, in the offer of presents, and in invitations to attend balls, the theatre, .a concert, or some other place of public resort? regard to presents, a lady of much good use and true discernment has thus written: “Accepting presents from gentlemen ts a dangerous thing. Some men conclude from your taking. one gift that you will accept another, and think themselves encouraged by it to offer their hearts to you but, even when no misap- \l y) k.‘ x 190 » ADVICE '1‘0 YOUNG LADIES. ~ prehension of this kind follows, it is better to avoid every such obligation; and, if you make it a general rule never to accept a present from a gentleman, you will avoid hurting any one’s feelings, and save yourself from all further per- plexity. Where ladies are known to be in the habit o efusing presents, and yet are objects of great admiration and devotion, they will often receive anonymous gifts, which it is impossible to elude. When this is the case, it is a good' way to put them by, out of sight, and never to mention them. The pleasure of seeing them on your table, and hearing them talked about, and I. the donor’s name speCulated upon, is often suf- ficient to induce'a repetition of the anonymous ‘deed, or an acknowledgment of it, which is very embarrassing, as you must either break your, ' rule, or hurt the feelings of the donor. Of all 7: '5'7jthe votive ofi‘erings made~to the foung and the " vifair, flovvers are the most-beautiful and most unexceptionable. -Where it is the fashion for' gentlemen to present bouquets to their female friends, so many are given that it seems more like a tribute to the sex, than a mark of partic- * Qular regard, and their perishable nature exempts them from the' ban put upon more enduring ‘ memorials; You can accept and wear flowers . withc ut committing yourself, and to refuse them ?- $2 : 1-,; Sr 3: T1; it '4 nucnrvmo APTENTIONS FROM MEN. 191 would be unnecessary rigor. If any peculiar' circumstance make you desirous of distancing a gentleman, you can take the flowers without wearing them.” In regard to invitations from young men to go with them to places of public amusement, we think, as a general rule, they should he declined. And this for several reasons. We do not believe “any young lady should appear at a ball, the theatre, or concert, except in company with her parents, brother, cousin, or some very intimate friend of the family, unless she be under engage- ment ofmarriage, and then her lover becomes her legitimate protector and companion. In the first place, to accept of such attentions would be for a young lady to lay herself under an obliga- tion that might, at some after period, he very ‘ embarrassing, or so interfere with her feelings “of independence, as to make it difficult for her to act towards an individual, who had thus sought ‘ to gratify her, as both feeling and judgment dic- tated; and in the second place, her thus ap- pearing in public with a young man known not i to be an intimate friend of the family, would naturally give rise to the belief ‘that she enter-r tained for him a preference that did not exist, and thus place her in a false light in the eyes of he: acquaintances; and this would more cer- 192 ADVICE 'ro YOUNG mums. tainly be the case, if some other friend, whose imitation she felt compelled to decline, were to offer a like attention. If a young lady is fond of riding on horseback and among her male acquaintances are those who are equally fond of the healthful exercise, there will be no impropriety in her accepting an invitation to ride, if one or more young ladies are to be of the company. But, in doing so, she should make it a rule always to have the horse she is to ride ordered from the stable by a ser- ' vant, at her own or father’s expense. It may so . happen that the circumstances of a young lady’s family are such, that the hire of a horse, even occasionally, is a matter of outlay that cannot be afforded. Where this is the case, she ough - by all means to deny herself the gratification of riding out, rather than permit any young man, not ' her accepted lover, to bear the expense. _ We need hardly refer to the outrageous want ‘ lof all decent respectvfor herself, that would prompt a young lady to invite, by adroit ref- ’lerence‘s to an approaching concert, or to her extreme fondness for horseback exercise, a lyoung man to be at the cost of gratifying the ‘ desire she feels to participate in these, or in any other pleasures. And yet such things are of too frequent occurrence, and among those who RECEIVING ATTENTIONS FROM MEN. 193 ought to have much better sense, and more mod- esty, than to even desire to be the companions of young men not entitled to the privilege, on such occasions. Those who do it gain the pleasure of present gratification at the expense of dimin- ished respect in the eyes of the very men who seemed to take so much delight in obligingvthem. But little flattered would a young lady, who had been guilty of so flagrant a violation of good sense, good manners, and politeness, feel, to overhear a conversation like this:— I “ Didn’t I see you at Hertz’s concert with Caroline T ’l” “ Yes." “How in the world came you to have that honor”! ” . The young man addressed shrugs his shoul ders and arches his eyebrows, but makes no reply. ‘ l “ How was it, Harry? Tell me! I had no idea of your being particularly taken in that quarter.” . “Noriam I very much taken. The fact is,I couldn’t help myselfi” “ Indeed! ” “ No, the gypsy asked me to take her, and] couldn’t refuse, of course.” 18 .194 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. “0, no, Harry! That can’t be. Caroline would hardly do than”- “ She could, and she did. Not, it‘ is true, in so many words; but she talked about Hertz in such a way that she left me no alternative but to ask her if I should not have the pleasure of accompanying her to his concert. I was in hopes she would have the good taste, on reflec- tion, to decline; but no, she took‘me up on the spot; and I was compelled to go with her, and T . leave my sister Jane, who is almost dying to hear . this great performer, at home.” ‘ “Is it possible! Why, I never heard of such a thing. The girl cannot have a particle of respect for herself ” “ If she has, it is a very strange kind of re- spect. I wonder whom she Will get to take her to Sivori’s concert. She alluded to him two or three times, but couldn’t make me understand V ' - her. Suppose you invite her to go.” “ 0, no, I thank you. I’d rather be excused. I’m not at all ambitious of the honcr.” “Nor I. The next time I am in her com« pany, and any allusionis made to an approaching concert, I will change the subject.” But little flattered, we repeat, would any young lady feel to overhear a conversation like RECEXVING ATTENTIONS FROM MEN. 19:) this, of which she was the subject; and yet this is precisely the light in which conduct such as we now allude to is viewed, and young men do not hesitate to s_ eak of it, among each other, in even stronger terms than we have given. Before a young lady reaches the age of twenty years, she should, as a general rule, discourage all particular attentions from young men, and en- deavor to hold her mind as balanced and inde- pendent in regard to all her male acquaintances as possible.. The subject of marriage, except as an abstract question upon which certain opinions are held, should never be allowed to come up when thinking of, or in company with, her young friends and acquaintances. To have a lover before me is twenty, is, in most cases, a misfortune for a young girl. In nine cases out of ten, this lover is not the one that would be accepted if the affections were free at twenty or twenty-one. The love of boys and girls is never founded upon a true basis, but is merely the offspring of blind passion. It may turn out well. The parties, when their minds expand, and they become men and women, may ‘ be exactly suited to each other; but the chances are altogether against it. Nor is the love of a man, whose mind has attained maturity, for a girl who is st ill too young to accept wisely an offer of marriage, a love that promises happiness 3! a 196 ADVICE ro roam; LADIES the fruit. He cannot know her as a man ought ‘ to know the woman who becomes his wife, nor can she possibly know him as a woman ought to know the man she marries. Viewing the matter, then, in any light you please, the acceptance of a lover before twenty involves a great risk. If to accept a lover before this ago he, then, a hazardous thing, the permission of any» marked attentions from any particular young man is un- wise. Better treat all alike, and endeavor to feel for all alike; that is, as nearly as it can be done. Of course there must and will be preferences; but let these be the preferences of your taste and judgment, not of your heart. Thus, holding your affections free at this most important age, when the mind is first looking out intelligently upon ‘ the world, you will acquire a clearness of mental vision, a power of discrimination, and an insight into character, otherwise unattainable. But, if you permit yourself to fall in love, the balance of your mind is gone; you see nothing, you hear noth- ing, you feel nothing, that does not in some way connect itself with the object of your afl'ections. All improvement of the mind ceases; the judg- ment, not yet arrived at its full stature, ceases to grow, and hardens into a diminutive form; your powers of discrimination expand no farther. You ‘ Itop where you are, and rarely, if ever, make a RECEIVING arrsxrroxs FROM MEN. 197 woman whose influence in society is beneficially perceived. This is blind love—a very different thing from the strong, deep, intelligent affection of a true woman. How any man can be satisfied with the immature love of a silly young girl is be. yond our conception. Indeed, we do not believe, as a general thing, that a man who is thus satisfied is worthy of the affection he seeks to gain. ' Diale flirts, as they have been called, are, to the discredit of their sex, quite a. numerous class. Boys just verging on to manhood, and some who, are old enough to have more sense and right feel- ing, often think it quite an achievement to draw forth the affection of susceptible young ladies, and after trifling with them for a time, go off in weari- ness or dislike. It is always best to be reserved towards men who aertentions, or who show too sudden a fondness for your company. Don’t be flattered, by their marked devotion, out of your mental equipoise; and especially, don’t show unusual pleasure when they visit you. These young male flirts are sometimes adopts at writing meaningless notes, that read superficially, seem very charming; and those to whom they are ’ written are too often betrayed ii to the indiscretion of writing answers that, for the world, they would not like any eyes but those of the favored one to 198 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. see. Young men have confidants as well as young ladies; and your male flirt, in nine cases out of ten, has a particular friend of his own sex, who is familiar with all his flirtatious, and reads all the sweet love letters of which he is the favored re- cipient. Don’t then be drawn aside into a correspondence with any young man. If he sends you a note, answer, if possible, by a verbal message. If this is inconvenient, and you must write, let your terms be brief and confined to a simple answer of his question or request. Avoid all pretty sayings, compliments, or suggestions; Write just such a. reply as you would be willing to have read he room full of strangers. .There is no prud‘ery in all this, but simple pru- ’ deuce. And if you observe the rule here sug- ~ gested, you will be saved the mortification, which i ’so many have experienced, of having todemand a return of letters, which they would'not for any " consideration have pass from the hands of the persons to whom they were addressed, unless to reach them own. ' Don’t permit a young man who is a simple visi- tor, even though quite intimate with yourself, and other members of the family, to take away your daguerreotype on any pretense. If he is an ac- cepted lover, the case is difi'erent, assuming that RECEIVING ATTENTIONS FROM MEN. 199 he is sincere and worthy. For (hen your “ coun- terfeit presentment” is a. sacred thing. But in any other case, kindly but firmly refuse the im- proper request. A scene like this, your picture as the subject, would hardly be agreeable: Three or four young men are together, no mat~ ter where. It may be in one of their rooms, at a place of business, in a barber or cigar shop, or— but as we have said, no matter where. One of them draws something from his pocket, and with "an air of mystery or importance. “What’s that?” asks one of the company. “ Guess ?" “Oh, I know! It’s the picture of his lady- loye," breaks out another in a coarse way. “Of his tenth lady-love,” says a third, who leans forward, and adds, as he catches at a mo- rocco case now visible: “Here, my boy, let me ' have a peep at this new captive l” Thecase is opened, and all eyes are bent upon the picture. “ Who is it ?” asks one. “ Whewl I know that face l” says another. “I’ll bet you fifty cigars of that,” replies the one .who has your daguerreotype. And you are named. "‘You know her, then?” remarks the partie- 200 ADVICE 'ro YOUNG LADIES. ular friend who has made free with your pro- perty. ‘ “I have never had the pleasure of making her acquaintance, but I know her very well by sight. And so this is your new flame?” “ If you will have it so.” “ Showy looking girl,” says one. “Nose not exactly Grecian,” remarks another. “‘Squints a little, doesn’t she ? or was the light too strong ?” adds a third. “ Light a little too strong,” says your discreet friend. “How did you get this picture ?”'is asked. ' “ How ?” in afl'ected surprise. “ She gave it to me, of course.” Is this scene pleasant, assuming that the picture is yours? ’We could draw other scenes, but we will notshock you as we might, and yet keep far within the range of truthful portraiture. Let, then, nothing that is personal to yourself, your picture, ring, or locket, go out of your possession into that of any young man who is nothing more to you than a visiting acquaintance. If you are still unconvinced, question your brother on the subject, if you have one. ' We might extend this chapter still further; and give other reasons why young ladies should be ex. ceedingly cautious how they receive attentions RECEIVING ATTENTIONS FROM MEN. 201 from men, as well as careful in their deportment towards.them; but enough has been said to make clear to every modest, right thinking girl, the pro- priety of our‘ admonitions. So much of future happiness or misery depends on the associations, habits, and inclinations that pertain to this period of life that it cannot be guarded too carefully. CHAPTER XVII. EARLY MARRIAGES. ON the subject of early marriages, a diversity of opinions prevails: and they generally vibrate like the pendulum of a clock, from one extreme to the other. A young lady will hear some one» ~strongly advocate early marriages to-day, and ‘ .to-morrow hear an opposite opinion advanced and vigorously maintained. It is but rarely the case that those who enter into these discussions really understand the subject of marriage, and therefore _ cannot declare what is absolutely true on this disputed question. And, besides, ‘what one means by early marriage is a different thing from «'5... 202 ADVICE T0 YOUNG LADIES. what another means In most cases, these opin- [0115 are based upon the evil or good that has happened to result from what are considered early marriages, in instances that have fallen under the notice of those 'who advocate or con- demn, instead of flowing from aknowledge of the true laws that ought to govern in marriage. The writer is an advocate of early marriages between men and women—not between boys and girls. That which makes man truly a man, and woman truly a woman, is rationality—not the legal age. Freedom from the restraints of youth, and an acquirement of the legal rights of - majority, are very far from giving this. It comes from experience, to which have been added think- ing and observation. Nothing is seen in its true ' aspect when we “first enter upon me;- and it is Only after our judgments have been matured by y a few years of experience, that we can really See ‘ things around us in their true relation one to the other. 'A few years, too, makes. us see not only ‘ deeper into what is yithout us, but also into what is within us; and scarcely a month of this period passes without our. being led to correct ;. some error or misconception into which we had A fallen. If, during this period, mistakes. are (3011- ' stantly made inmatters of trivial importance, what ecurity is there that a mistake will not be made \ EARLY MARRIAGE.‘ 208 I m that most important of all th.- uh A' a wo- man’s life—marriage? There is none, and the ”act that the saddest possible mistakes are made almost every day, ought to warn, if proper reflec- tion will not, a young lady against the error of permitting her affections to be drawn out before at least two years have passed from the time of her leaving school as a young woman. Usually, she has it in her power to do this. , ,Marriage from the age of twenty to twenty- two or three, we think an early marriage for a woman, and believe that evils almost always arise from an earlier consummation of a marriagecon- tract. Mr. Combe is of opinion, “that many young people of both sexes fall sacrifices to early marriages, who might have withstood the ordinary risks of life, and lived together in happiness, if 7 they had delayed their union for a few years, and allowed time for the consolidation of their consti- tutions.” And this must strike every reflecting mind as true, without the necessity of looking round to see the hundreds of young mothers with shattered constitutions, lingering over the grave, or sinking down into its chilling precincts. Neither physical nor mental health can follow a marriage that takes place too early. It is almost impossible to make a right choice, and the consti- 104 ADVICE T0 YOUNG LADIES. tution is not well enough formed to bear th‘ great physical changes that usually occur. If young ladies would learn to think above the fact of marriage, and not consider it a state in which they were merely to find the highest possi- ble delight attainable on earth, but a state in which they could be most useful, and impart blessings and dispense happinessto others, they would not rush so thoughtlessly into this impor- tant relation, but would be very sure that what they loved in another was really worth loving, and that they were loved in return for their men- tal and moral qualities, and not merely for their ' person. “ i ” ' ‘ True'love—that which abides —— has its founda- tion in a knowledge and appreciation of moral qualities. These cannot be known without the ,power of discerning them, and this power is 'not sufliciently developed, in very'young persons, to enable them‘to decide upon the fitness of another to become a wife or a husband. ‘ Fam- ily connections, talents, beauty of person, and exterior grace, may all be decided upon; but other qualifications are required—without which marriage‘is only an external union —‘- that call for ' a deeper discrimination than any one possesses in " the first years of hiseor her majority. Too early marriages from the causes briefly EARLY MARRIAGE. 205 luded to here, are productive of much unhappio uess. From their bewildering dream, a young couple, who have unwisely rushed into marriage before either of them was old enough really to understand what love meant, not unfrequently awake, in the course of a very short time, to the painful consciousness that they have wedded unwisely. If in the mind of each is a ground- work of good sense and good feeling, the conse- quences may not be so very bad, although through life there will be times when each will deeply and sadly regret their early act of folly But in numerous cases, either in one or the other, there exists a peculiarity of temperament that entirely mars the happiness of both. Open dis- agreements or secret bickerings turn the holy and happy state of marriage into a condition of inexpressible misery, the larger share of which usually falls upon the head of the one least able to bear it—the wife. Or actual hatred of one towards the other is engendered, and they are driven asunder, and stand in society as the disfigured and disfiguring mementoes of the folly of a too percipitate marriage. ‘Vhen, however, a young lady has reached the age we have named, and a man, known to be urtnous and honorable, has formally ofl'ered let his hand, and been accepted, the marriage 206 ADVICE 'ro YOUNG LADIES. ought not long to‘be delayed, if no impediment exist, such as inability on the part of the young man to support a wife. Among the reasons that have been urged against a young lady’s contracting marriage im- mediately, is the following by Mrs. Farrar,,which is well worth considering. She says, “The married school-girl deprives herself of a most delightful and useful stagein her existence — that of a grown-up daughter, maturing under the eye of a mother, and the influence of a home circle, with time enough for mental culture, and a use- ful experience of domestic affairs, without the care which belongs to the mistress of a family. She loses all the varied pleasures of ‘a young , lady, and skips at once from childhood to mar- ried life. Early marriage also prevents the liter- ary education of a girl being carried far enough i for it to go forward easily amid the cares of. a 7' . family, and therefore it often ceases altogether; i . in a few years, she loses what little she acquired at school, and degenerates into a mere house- keeper and nurse.” * * * ,“I would fain believe that I am writing for a class of ladies too ‘ young to need much advice upon that, [love and marriage,] and though I occasionally hear of schoolgirls who forfeit the privileges and pleas- ures of being grown-up young ladies, 'and jump MARRIAGE. 207 at once into the cares of married life, I trust that increased knowledge and wisdom, On the part of the young and old, will prevent such im- mature marriages, and give women an opportu- nity of being more fully developed in body and mind, before they subject either to the severe trials which belong to wives and mothers ” CHAPTER XVIII. MARINA GB THIS is a subject upon which a great deal nas been written and a great deal thought: but the world is yet very slow in perceiving and adopting what is true in relation to it; and such will con- tinue to be the case until this important law is clearly understood and acknowledged, viz.: that the end for which a thing is done gives quality to the act. Whoever ‘ma.ries without having .just ideas of so important a relation, runs great danger of committing an error that will render turbid for life all the well-springs of her happi- ness. This being the case, we ask of our fair young friends to consider deeply what we shall The law last stated — that the end for Which a thing is done qualifies the act —— is one that ap- plies with particular force to marriage. Marriage is a divine institution,-irdained for the highest purposes; and a marriage contract between two persons is the most important and solemn act of their whole iives; for it not only efi'ects a change most intimate possible two minds, that, if they do not harmonize, must act upon and react against each other with a disturbing force that neces- sarily precludes the soul’s true development and perfection. Now, unless the end for which a . marriage contract is formed be _a right end, the marriage cannot be a happy one; and just in the degree that the end has been selfish, and has regarded things external, as wealth, con- nections, beauty, or other mere personal attrac- ‘ 'tions, so far will unhappiness be the result. To make this plainly apparent, let us suppose that a young lady is attracted by the brilliant talents-of the man who addresses he and that ne is more' attracted by her beauty of person, or the wealth she inherits, than by her virtues. Now, both of these reasons for lovimr (we should MARRIAGE. 209 rather say for a preference, for there is no love in the question) are merely selfish. The lady does not desire a union with the man because she loves the moral perfections of his character, and seeks to become one with him; but her pride, . overshadowing all such holy considerations, seeks to unite her name with his that she may stand higher in the world’s estimation. That this is so will be plain to any one who will think calmly on the subject. On the other hand, the man does notiseek a union with her because he regards marriage witha high and sacred regard, as a means whereby a pure, virtuous, and loving spirit may become blended as one with his own, and both be more perfected by the union; he does not love her because she imbodies the very virtues and perfections that seem purest and best in his eyes. No! He wants more money than he has yet been able to possess, and, loving money better than any thing else, be takes her because she has enough of this valuable com— modity to satisfy to some extent his cupidity. Or, having an admiration for beauty, and vanity enough to consider the erlat attached to a bean- tiful wife as something desirable, he is guided in his choice by beauty alone, unregardful of the more important qualifications necessary to make a woman his true and loving companion. 14 210 ADVICE 1‘0 YOUNG LADIES. Here, it will be seen that the end which each had in view has given quality to the act of each. The choice has been made to rest on external considerations alone, and must be productive of disappointment and consequent unhappiness. It will take but a short time for the lady to make the sad discovery, that the brilliant reputation of i her husband is no compensation for a morose temper, a love of dissipation, indifference to his wife, captio‘usness, want of principle, or, even worse, infidelity. Nor will it take him long to C'tire of her beauty, or to discover that, n0w he has full possession of her property, her person is of little value. x I This is presenting an extreme case; yet such are every day occurring In most cases of mar- i riage, even when selfish considerations like these are predominant, there 18 yet in the parties sutli-_ 7 i . cient good sense to be aware that indifference to qualities of mind 'is an error that might prove fatal to happiness; and therefore they are careful to see that in those who possess the main pre- requisites, there are noifaults or peculiarities of - character that could not well be home. These marriages prove unhappy just in the degree that , the leading end was of a selfish and external char- acter; but the good sense that prompted some regard to qualities of mind, shows itself alter- ,\a MARRIAGE. 211 wards in an effort to make the very best of a bad bargain. Although the parties never know, by experience, what true felicity flows from a true marriage, they, nevertheless, in most cases, man- age to get along as comfortably as possible, and avoid, as far as it can be done, all bickerings and collisions, for the sake of peace, their reputation, or their children. But, where qualities of mind are considered the first essential of marriage, and where it is entered into with all external things regarded as subordinate, from a pure love of the moral beauty of the one with whom a union is about to be formed, happiness must flow as a natural conse- quence. This result, however, cannot follow, unless both be influenced by right ends; and it is, therefore, of as much consequence to a young lady, that he who seeks her band should do so from right motives, as that she should accept him from right motives. To be as well assured of the purity of her lover’s ends as .her own, she will find to be a matter of some difficulty. But, until all reasonable doubts on the subject are removed, she should hesitate about accepting his offer of marriage; for to do so would be running a risk greater than any young lady should incur. If, from evidence not to be questioned, a young lady is fully 8‘12 - ADVICE 'ro YOUNG LADIES. satisfied that only for her wealth, connections. beauty, accomplishments, or personal attractions, and not for something within her which is loved independent of these, her hand is sought in mar riage, she should reject the overture at no matter what cost of feeling to herself; for this will be a slight thing indeed, compared to the suffering which such a marriage might entail upon her. All these are unstable attractions; but qualities of mind are enduring, and grow brighter and in- ‘crease in power with the lapse of years. And besides, what woman of right feeling would think of accepting a-man who did not love her, but , was only induced to ‘offer his heartless hand in marriage, in order that he might gain something from the union more desirable to his sordid feelings than the devotion of a pure and loving I heart? ‘ ' _ 7 A In many of the high-Wrought ‘and unnatural ‘flctionsjof the day, which are the offspring of’ perverted and impure minds, or of such as are , really ignorant of what love is in its essence and true activity, we often find an innocent and pure- minded woman, represented as loving, with a de- votion little less than idolatry, a man whose heart teerris with evil passions, and whose life is little else than one act after another of vice, brutality, and crime All his neglect, outrage, and passion MARRIAGE. 213 she bears with meek endurance, loving on with a deeper and more fervent love; and she is, in most cases, at last rewarded by a union with one from whom such a woman as she is said to he, would shrink in disgust and horror. This union is represented as the high reward of her devotion, and the writer generally has the unblushing efi'rontery to tell us that she is supremely happy. As well could an angel be happy in the arms of a spirit from the bottomless pit! It is all falsel, Such things never take place as represented. A woman may love, with the wild passions of an impure heart, a bold, bad man, whose brilliant qual- -ties have dazzled her imagination, and caused it to gloss over his evils and magnify what she is pleased to call his generous qualities; she may be true to him, amid neglect, outrage, and wrong, and she may' at last receive her reward, and become his wife. But we can neither ad- »mire her fidelity nor rejoice in her reward, for we know that happiness will not result from her marriage, but that her last days will be the most wretched of her life. A right-minded woman—- one with a pure heart and a clear head — would rather shrink from than be attracted by such a man. , These pictures, set forth often in the most brilliant and attractive colors, do much to mis- 214 ADVICE T0 YOUNG LADIES. lead the young, and give them false viev‘vs on I subject in regard to which every thing depends upon their having the clearest perceptions. The heroine is admired, and her constancy and devo- tion believed to 'be virtues of the highest order, and worthy of imitation, when she is but too often the mere false creation of a corrupt mind, and has no counterpart in real life, because she cannot have. From' this fault even our best novelists are not wholly free. True love is not a wild, strong, fiery, iinpetur ous passion. ‘ It is, on the contrary, calm, deep, and clear-seeing. It is attracted by qualities \ alone, and in search of these it looks through all that is merely external, at the same time that it sees in external thingsthe images of things in- ternal. .There may be». faults of character,y.there ' "mmay be external defects, there may be much wanting to give perfection to its object; but if the ruling ends be right, and if there be nothing in external thingsto mar and destroy the true V development‘of what is 'within, and if, in addi- tion to all this, there be that mysterious attraction of heart for heart which comes from above, and guides all aright who will wait for and be guided by its heavenly influences, then it finds its blest fruition, but not till then. It is mere passion that loves blindly and irrationally; but true love , . -~—~: w». MARRIAGE. 215 is wise and discriminating, and its devotion more real and lasting. Marriage without such love is no marriage at all. It is merely an external union, from external grounds, and cannot be expected to, as it never does, yield any true happiness. Where no posi- tively bad qualities exist in those who have con¢ tracted marriage from mere external considera- tions, it not unfrequently happens that the par- ties lead quiet and order.y lives, and seem to enjoy themselves very well, and imagineithat they have all the pleasures attainable in the conjugal state. But they are more in error than they imagine. In the chapter on the “ Equality of the Sexes,” something of the real difference between man and woman was shown; and we there called that diflerence a ‘.‘ uniting difference.” In the ori ginal creation of the sexes, God designed that a union should take place between them, and so organized them, spiritually, that such a union must take place, or both would be imperfect, and consequently unhappy; and the existence of the human race itself was made to depend upon this union. Marriage is, therefore, of divine ordina- tion, and can never be entered into properly, except from the purest and the highest motives. But enough has been said, we won d fain be- 216 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. lieve, to make any young lady see the importance - of being governed by right ends in a matter in- volving so deeply as this does her best and dear~ est interests. As to the giving of any particular rules by which a young lady is to square her conduct :‘n matters of the heart, we neither feel inclined to the task norcompetent to perform it. Our lead- ing object is, to give such general principles as will enable each one for herself to decide upon a right course of action in agmatter that is fraught with consequences of such vital importance. If a young lady have correct views on the subject of marriage, she will not be in much danger of committing any serious error. We would, however, say, that in all cases the mother ought to be fully advised of the state of her daughter's affections. This is due to her relation, lur ex- perience, and her deep and unselfish love for her child. 'Many a young girl, who has fully con- fided every thing to her mother, has been saved from blindly loving one who had been able to mislead her as to his true character, but could not deceive the mother. ’ , - ‘ When an ofl'er ol marriage is made, whether it come unexpectedly or not, it should neither be accepted nor rejected by a young lady without time for reflection, and a reference of the matter . , \ j_ . . . w A- A.~._.‘___._-__‘._'_...J~_t r) .' .._._,.,..._, . MARRIAGE. 217 to her parents, or, if they be not living, to some friend whose age and experience give her the position of a sound adviser. If the person who makes the offer is not considered by the young lady as a suitable partner, let her firmly decline him, no matter how strongly her parents or friends urge a different course. If, on the con- trary, she approve and they object, let her see riously consider the ground of their objections, and if they stand against his moral character, and are undoubtedly true, let her, as she values their happiness, respect their objections. But if they are merely extrinsic, and ,do not touch his character and personal fitness to make her hap- py, and she is calmly and deeply conscious of loving him with a pure, fervent, and undying love, that has its origin in a knowledge and regard for his moral excellences, let her not reject his offer. The objections of her parents will be a good reason for her not at once accepting the ofi'er; but this reason she should state to her lover, and both should be content to wait patiently, if it be even as long as one or two years, in the hope of over- coming the prejudices that exist, before deter- mining to marry against the wishes of her friends. This deference to their objections may have the. efi'ect of overcoming them, and the marriage be allowed to take place with their fullest sanction, 218 ADVICE T0 YOUNG LADIES. without which, no matter how much she may love her husband, nor how wortiry he may be of her love, a wife can never, be truly happy. As to runaway matches, they usually turn out the worst. Of course, there are many exceptions to this; but, as a general thing, where parents positively forbid their daughter to keep company with a young man, there are pretty good reasons for it; and if the daughter be mad enough, in 'c. moment of passion, to run away with and marry him, she generally has cause, in a few years, bitterly to repent her folly. It is much better to wait a long time, in the hope of overcoming ob- 'jections, than to take this rash and generally im- prudent step. The position of an heiress is almost always a a _ difficult and dangerous one. There are a great many unprincipled men in the world, who seek to better their fortunes by marriage, and who are .'_ constantly on the look-out for some rich young girl, whose affections they can win, and, thus acquire a fortune without the labor of making it themselves Some of these persons cultivate every exterior grace of body and mind, with no other end than to make themselves attractive in the eyes of the other sex, and render more cer tainany conquest that may seem to them worth making. To fall a victim to the heartless en- l l l MARRIAGE. 219 :icements of such a man, would be, for any right- minded young woman, a sad misfortune; for hap- piness could not follow her union with him. Ana it. is not to be concealed that her danger is very great. Money is so convenient and desirable a thing, and the attainment of it by marriage so much easier than farning it, that in a day when there is soilittleftrue appreciation of marriage as a divine and holy ordinance, instituted for the highest purposes b'y'iiié“ Creator, as there is at present, the temptation for young men to seek for wealth in a union with some one who possesses ‘ it, is very great. The utterly unprincipled are not alone those whose regard for a young girl is ‘ greatly biased by the amount of her father’s, fortune, or the income she may hold in her own right. So absorbing is the universal desire for money, and so much in the habit is almost every one of looking at it as the greatest good, and of ~ seeking it rather as an and than as a means of usefulness, that even those who, in the ordinary matters of life, are governed by the best of mo- tives, are apt to think money a virtue indispen- sable in a wife, and suffer themselves to be in- fluenced in their choice by the grovelling and disgraceful consideration of dollars and cents. As the end for which marriage is contracted will inevitably qualify the union, and bring un 220 ADVICE T0 YOUNG LADIES. happiness just in the degree that the end selfishly regards external things, it is not diflicult to per- ceive that, if a young lady’s money have been the. principal virtue in the eyes of her lover, 3. mar riage With him must result in disappointment, and, perhaps, in the most heartfelt misery. One, therefore, who has the misfortune (shall we say 1') to inherit riches, needs to be more watchful than any other, lest her. hand be yielded .to one who thinks more of her wealth than of her person and virtues. She will be in less danger from accept- ing the. hand of one, born,'like hei‘self, to the i possession of wealth, if he be virtuous, high- , '_ minded, and actively engaged in some useful ~ - employment as a professional man, or merchant, than in accepting the hand of one whose exter- nal condition is unequal to her own. In the ‘ _ , former case, tastes, habits, and social relations, ~_ 7 will be more equal,‘and the chances of happi- ; ' ' ‘ nessmuch more in her favor. But, if she be- " lieve herself to be sincerely loved for herself i alone, by one who possessesintelligence, manly virtue, and tastes that harmonize with her own, _ and she truly and sincerely love him in return, .~ .. g _ let her accept the offer of his hand, even if he 7 ‘ if}: have not a tithe of the wealth that has fallen -to' her lot. ~ - ' - a. T\ In marriage there should always exist a hat» MARRIAGE. 221 montzmg equality in intellect, education, taste, and habits of thinking. No woman should ever accept the hand of a man of weaker intellect and grosser tastes than herself; for a union with him would be an unnatural one. Man, as we have shown, is characterized by intellect and woman by afl‘ection; and a true marriage never takes place unless where a woman can love the moral wisdom of her husband; and this she can- not do if his intelligence and moral perceptions be inferior to her own. This is self-evident. “’6 often see a woman of fine mind married to a man who is altogether her inferior in educa- tion, taste, refinement, good sense, and strength of intellect; and in such cases we always per- ceive sad evidences enough that by both the union is felt to be an unequal one; and often the yoke that binds her to her companion is plainly enough seen to be deeply galling. Men of inferior minds are usually attracted by a woman of brilliant talents; and, strangely enough, women of this class are too apt to unite their fortunes with them,— in too many instances, it is feared, on account of the mere external advantages that such a union will give them. But dearly enough do they usually pay for their unnatural folly. \_ All genuine love is founded upon respect. No woman can have the kind of respect for‘a man who l r 222 ADVICE T0 YOUNG LADIES. is inferior to herself upon which love is founded and therefore no woman can truly love a man \ who is her inferior in mental and moral endow‘ , ments If she cannot truly love him, she cannot be happy with him; and to marry him can only be an act of folly and madness. Similarity of religious faith should also be considered indispensable. Where there is a regard for religion, it forms the central idea in the mind; and a difference on a matter of so much importance cannot fail, at some time or other,to produce a jar of discord. It may not' come until the interests of children are to be regarded, when one or the other will have to yield in a matter involving principles felt to be of the most vital importance. Who shall yield? Can the mother, in conscience, consent to have her children instructed in doctrines that she- believes will lead them far away into the‘mazes of error, and endanger their best and highest \interests'l' Can the father believe a system of ‘eligion to be true, and not teach it to his chil- dren'l Will he not be deeply culpable if he neg- lect to do so? Here there can be no neutral ground, no yielding on the part of either, if both be equally well convinced of the importance of giving the1r cniidren early religious instruc- tion. Painfully embarrassing, indeed, is the com MARRIAGE. 223 d‘tion of parents thus situated, and sad are the. results that too often flow therefrom. If what we have alleged in regard to marriage be really so, as we certainly believe it to be, then true internal marriage cannot take place between those who think differently in matters of religion. A man is truly a man by virtue of his ability to grow wise, and the true internal union which takes place between a husband and wife is in her love of his wisdom and his love of her, because she is the love of his wisdom, or of those things that his intellect sees to be wisdom, and which he, by a life corresponding thereto, acquires to himself. By wisdom is not here meant mere knowledge of things, as of natural sciences. A man may possess the most extended knowledge, and yet not be truly wise. A wise man is a just man, and regards the good of all. He not only sees what is true, but he conforms his life to the truth. he seeks to gain all knowl- edge within his ability to acquire, in order that be may be useful to his fellow-man. Now, it is this kind of wisdom in a man that a woman truly loves in a true marriage relation; and this is what conjoins them—this is what makes their union an internal one. And, if this be so, how is it possible for a woman to love her husband’s wisdom, if, at the very outset, she cannot believe 224 ADVICE TO YOUNG 1.1mm with him in the most vital thing that concern: them—religion ? Instead of internal union, there must exist internal discord. How can she respect his intelligence, when in a matter so plain to her he cannot see any thing but error? How can he love the reflection of his own intel- ligence and wisdom in her, when no such reflec- tion is given? If this be not plain to any one, let her consider well what‘has been said in regard to the religious education of children, and see in that a sufficient reason for making a similarity of faith an indis- pensable thing in the man she consents to marry. Much more could be said on the very impor- tant subject of marriage; but the limit of this work will not admit of our dwelling upon it any longer. From what‘we have,set forth, almost ‘ any one may deduce rules of action for her own government; and by strictly obeying them, she 1 will save herself from the wretchedness of I marriage based upon false instead of true prmcipieo. ‘ TEE YEAR AFTER MARRIAGE .225 CHAPTER ‘ XIX. ' THE YEAR AFTER MARRIAGE. A‘APPY beyond expression in finding herself the wadded wife of the man in whom are centred, she would fain believe, all the virtues of his sex, a young woman is apt to forget that the new position in which she is placed is not without its trials. But she must remember that neither herself nor her. husband is perfect. Both are young and inexperienced, with characters not yet fully developed, and the hereditary taint of 7 selfishness uncorrected. ; The first year after marriage is that which usually tries most severely the young wife, and awakens her [to realities that sometimes, for a ‘brief season, deeply sadden her spirit. It is by no means improbable that her husband sufi'ers equally with herself. The cause lies in the fact that neither the one nor the other is faultless. Both, by nature, are selfish. They have this selfishness by hereditary transmission from their parents; and it cannot be removed until they have attained mature age, and then resist its per- verting influences as evil. All their education 15 j , his main master for some two or three years. He: , 1 7V -‘ ,. a", 226 V ADVICE 'ro YOUNG moms. from childhood up, with all the good principles taught them by parents and teachers, becomes means in their hands whereby they are to resist their natural tendencies to evil and overcome them. But this is not the work of a moment, but of a whole lifetime. At‘the period when marriage usually takes place, but little progress has been made in overcoming the natural incli- v nations. From pride, interest, a love of repu- tation, or other causes, they are concealed from View; but whatever they are, they will inevitably . show themselves to the young wife or young hus- . 5: band before much time passes beyond the honey-‘ V -75- moon. The selfishness of one or both, in some L i' ' i i . little or great matter, will inevitably'exhibit. itself, ,. , . to the surprise and grief of the other. V i The young man has been, we will suppose; has been in the habit of thinking for himself, and i. ._ "consulting his own reason and inclinations ing ,. every thing. He has been in perfect freedom. W But now he finds that he can no longer do this, ‘ , he is no longer free. Another has come into so" close a relationship with him, that he can Scarcely L i “i‘ . think without in some way afi'ecting her. There I . i 4|. is another will, also, whose promptings have to V ' A be regarded. It is hardly to be supposed that he , will at once be able to see his duty to his young _, - i4 THE YEAR AFTER MARRIAGE. in wife, and do it at the sacrifice of feeling a —i in- clination. Another source of unhappiness will arise from this fact: During the period of couitship, the young man consults the tastes, wishes, incli- nations, and preferences of the young lady, and makes them his own. In every thing, he defers to her. It is his highest delight to make her happy,'and to effect this he is ready for almost any sacrifice. After marriage, the bride still expects this entire devotion to her, and the same deference. But erelong she finds that the has. band is less assiduous than the lover, and is un- reasonable enough to have a will of his own, tastes of his own, inclinations and preferences of his own, and, what is worse, disposed to consult them where they differ from hers, instead of yield- ing all, as before. It may be, that, in the first excitement of the moment, on discovering" this, she will set her will in opposition to her hus- band’s, and endeavor to put him down. Usually, this experiment proves a difficult one, and causes her to shed many bitter tears; She may become angry, and bring accusations of want of affection, and selfishness, and all that, against her husband, and be, surprised and confounded at this unex- pected turn of affairs, may act and speak in a very unreasonable, and perhaps unkind manner. Attw 228 ADVICE T0 YOUNG LADIES. All thls had better be avoided, if possible, and might be avoided, if each party were more given to reflection than young couples usually are; but it is not so very serious a matter, nor so much to be wondered at, and will work its own cure, but not until, by being made very unhappya good many times, the young wife perceives her error, and the young husband is conscious that he is a little too self w1lled ' It 13 not a trifling thing for two minds to come into such close contact and relationship with each other as marriage efl'eCts. And when we . reflect that each inherits a tendency to love self supremely, and that eachhas indu1ged and given strength to this tendency, it is not at all to be wondered at, that there should at first be some strings of discord jarred. It would be stranger still were it otherwise; for every selfish affection, > 1 when it becomes active,seeks itsown ends, re-R- ‘ ‘ ‘ gardless of the good of another. From these causes, the first year after mar riage will usually be found the most trying and . difficult one that a young couple has to pass. During that period, howev,er they will begin to understand themselves and each other better, ' and mutually correct the faults that produced unhappiness. It does not always happen that the yot'mg wife THE YEAR AFTER MARRIAGE. 229 Its her will against that of her husband; but it almost always happens that she finds him much more disposed to consult his own tastes and ins clinations than he was previous to marriage; and the will, very naturally, feel disappointed at this, and be led to think that he does not love her as much as she was led to believe that he did. The perfections with which young lovers are apt to invest the objects of their choice are usu- ally about as much in imagination as reality. F aultlessness appertains to no human being. All have defects, and all are born in evils.‘ These evils, or the tendencies to them, cannot, as has before been said, be removed, except by each in- dividual for himself, after he reaches the age of rationality and freedom. At the time when mar riage takes place, but little has been done ,towards the removal of these evils, and their existence must therefore affect, in some measure, all who come into the very intimate relationship of man and wife. If, instead of being surprised and made unhappy, on feeling these effects, every young wife would seek to correct what was selfish and evil in her own heart, she would so far enable her husband to do the same, and so far really help to make him what, in the fond idolatry of her young heart, she at first was inclined to believe him. 230 anvwn 'ro YOUNG LADX‘ES. Let every voung wife remember, that, to be' truly happy, both herself and her husband must be governed by religious principles in all their conduct towards each other and society. If they give themselves up to a mere life of pleasure, 'hey will commit a great mistake; for pleas- ure, sought as an end, always defeats itself. To'do this is to act from mere selfishness—a motive entirely unworthy-of the human mind. The majority of young persons who marry do not seem to have any idea of the true importance of the relation they have assumed. It does not seem to strike them as a very serious matter, or as involving duties and responsibilities of the most weighty character. They love, and, in sim- ply attaining the object of their love, believe that they have arrived at the summit of happiness, and that happiness must continue to be theirs so long as this object is in possessiOn. But, there being in this so much of mere selfishness, it is i no wonder that, in a very short time, the scales fall from their eyes, and they are made sensibly to feel that something more is required of then: than idly to rest in the supreme felicity of loving and being helm ed. It usually takes as long a period as a year to. correct the misconceptions of a young married couple; and during this time, they often feel the 'A COMMON MISTAKE. 231 jarring of discordant strings both in themselves and each other. Then they begin to see with a more purified vision, and to enter more seriously upon their duties in life, which call for earnest- ness of purpose, and a mutual looking to the same end. The very pressure of external circum- stances brings them into a more intimate near- ness to each other; and the efi'ort to do right, in the various relations they hold to each other and -society, hides more and more the faults of each,.and brings forth into a clearer view the excellences that form the true groundwork of their characters. CHAPTER XX. A COMMON MISTAKE. ' A chMON mistake which most young couples commit is that of commencing the world in too imposing a manner. The desire to make an ap- pearance is usually quite strong; and it often her-pens that the young husband is more disposed for a “dash,” than the wife, especially if she have always been usei to a good stvle cf living 232 “Nice TO YOUNG nADIEs. - in her nther’s house. Pride will not perm1t him to place her in a lower external position than the one she left when she became his wife. Nor is he always content with this. A little more ele- gance and style is often assumed, and a rate of expenditure adopted that is not unfrequently . entirely out of all fair proportion to the income. It matters little whether this income be five thou‘ sand or five hundred per annum; in the outset, the temptation to draw too heavily, or even to go beyond it, is very great. It most generally happens that the young wife never thinks of inquiring how far the means of ’ her husband will warrant the rate of eitpenditure at which they are living. She naturally enough supposes that he will not go beyond his ability. Deceived by the freedom with which he spends ’ his money, she is often led into extrava- .‘ gances of dress entirely at variance with that ireal condition in life, and remains utterly un- ” consciousot' the fact that she is an object of remark and censure to those who are much better vauainted with the real circumstances of her husband than she xs. The consequences of errors of this kind are often very severely felt. Many" : a young couple’ 5 fair prospects in life have been blighted by early extravagance, the result of . weak pride on the part of the husband am' A COMMON MISTAKE. 233 thoughtlessness and pride on the part ef the wife. After marriage, the interests of a young couple become one, and the feeling of delicacy that pre- vents the wife from inquiring into her husband’s affairs, and becoming thoroughly acquainted with them, should be laid aside. All reserve on this subject ought now to cease, and the fullest con— fidence begin. The style of living ~adopted should be that which the judgments of both de termine to be right, after clearly understanding the real or probable amount of their income; and it should be a matter of fixed principle never to go beyond, but always to keep within, this income. It will be much easier to begin right than to get right after having made a wrong be ginning. The error of young married persons beginning the world in the style of those who have been en, twenty, or thirty years in acquiring the means whereby to live in elegance or luxury, is a very common one. In order to support this style, they often expend every dollar of income, and too frequently are tempted to go-beyond this, involving themselves in debt, and creating em- oarrassments that are never entirely got over. It will almost always be in the power of a young wife to prevent this. By assuming a modest style 234 ADVICE 'ro YOUNG LADIES. ofliving, and exercising economy in every thing, in the first few years of married life, when all ex- penditures for real wants are never large, enough may always be saved to meet the increasing demands of later years. The pleasure of spend- ing money uselessly never compensates for its want, but rather imbitters the privations that such want entails. If the husband’s means of supnorting the style in which he wishes to see his wife live, and in which he proposes that she shall live, are really insufficient, he cannot be . wholly unaware of the fact, and will not feel . inclined to oppose her strongly, if she voluntarily suggest that it may be better for them to assume a less expensive style. That she may have some distinct idea, in the outset, and before an error is committed, of how they ought to live, a young I bride should always consult her parentson the subject. ”They know pretty nearly the extent of her husband’s income, how much he ought to spend, and what style it will be best’for them {0 live in. Having this information, she will be able to act the part of a true wife, and wisely . restrain her husband, if he should be disposed to run into extravagance, from beginning the world in a style of expenditure that cannot be long supported. ‘ A little prudence and economy in the outset A COMMON MISTAKE. 235 will go far towards preventing the reverses that so frequently overtake us in this life; for the modes of living with which we start, usually become habits with us. If these are extravagant, it will be a diflicult matter ever afterwards to overcome them entirely; but if they are prudent and eco- nomical, they will not only save us from going beyond our means in the outset, but prove a guaro antee of our success in the future. 7 \Ve cannot close this chapter without directing the young wife’s attention, with some earnestness, to the dangers, disabilities, and humiliations of debt; in order that, so far as in her power lies, she may save her husband from that unhappy con- dition, and herself from the evil consequences Which inevitably follow. In this country, the readiness with which credit is given by persons in trade, is a great temptation to those whose wants run in advance of their means, and will require some firmness to resist the allurements which ofl‘er themselves in ready accommodation to the de- sires. L Steadily, therefore, from the beginning of your married life, refuse to make bills with any one Don’t have an account at the grocer’s, nor With the dry goods dealer. Pay down the cash for what you buy, and if your purse is slender, buy with the grove: mdence. If your fond young husband, in 236‘ ADVICE T0 YOUNG LADIES. the desire to give you pleasure, falls into the 1 ix common error of buying useless finery, or even useful things that you do not need, come to an understanding ‘with him on the subject with as little delay as possible. Of course, these thought- ful attentions are gratifyingto a. young wife, and you will feel that it is hardly kind in you to chill his generous impulses; but if you know that these things cannot be afforded, and especially, if you have reason to believe that your husband, not hav- ' ing the ready cash to pay down for them, is run- ning up accounts with the jeweler or storekeeper, which will eventually have to be paid, and at a. time, too, when the money may be needed for other things, firmly, but kindly interpose, and make him understand that these tokens of his re-_ gard are not required to convince you that you are Very dear to him. Your means being limited, if you begin with buying only what you want, and for the cash down, and encourage your husband to do the same, a habit of carefnlness and economy will be formed; and thus a wall against the encroachments of debt be reared upon your very threshold. There is scarcely a more fatal enemy to domes- tic peace and comfort than debt; and it is too often but the tempter to dishonor and crime. There is many a disgraced and ruined man to-day, who A COMMON MISTAKE. 237 can point to the first three or four years after mar- riage, as the period when he commenced a course of petty extravagance in buying useless things to gratify either himself or his wife, which left him al. ways in debt, and which, growing into greater magnitude as the years progressed, led his feet. astray from virtue, or involved him in hopeless bankruptcy. We urge this point strongly, for we have seen the evil against which we write, in so many un. happy forms, and understand so well its fatal ef'-’ fects on hearts and homes, that we dwell upon the theme, and beg you to consider it as one that claims your earnest attention. Ornamental things soon cease to attract the eyes of those who possess them. The costly vase or urn 3 the picture, the elegant nothings that young people who cannot really afford the expense, scat. ter through their dwellings, really afford but little pleasure, and actually become sources of disquie- tude or mortification, if the money spent for them is needed for the payment of hills which are de- manded, when the purse is low. And the same is true of costly jewelry. The diamond pin, or ring, may give your heart a pleasant throb of pride as you notice that its glitter attracts an envious or admiring glance, but how poor :1 recompense 238 ADVICE 'ro YOUNG LADIES. is this for the humiliation your husband may feel 7 at being obliged to bear the repeated demands of a creditor for money which he is unable to pay. Small debts, to persons of small means, become sources of the keenest annoyance. Therefore, so far as in you lies, keep far away this curse from your dwelling. A young wife once heard this brief conversation between a jeweller’s clerk and a gentleman who had spoken admiringly of a diamond ring which she had received from her husband a few months after their marriage. ‘It was at an evening'party. and she happened to be in the conservatory, and \ separated from the speakers only by a curtain. . “Did you notice that brilliant diamond on Mrs. J ’sfinger. 7” “I did,” replied the one addressed, and in all .___~: L tone that at once drew the attention of Mrs. J “It is of the first water, I presume? yen are ' a judge of these things.” . ,. , “ I know the ring very well, ” said the other. “Ah! you sold it to her husband ?” “Yes.” The “yes” had in it something very equivocal. 1 . - ~ -, . 1. .“ Well—” The friend was curious. t‘ It isn’t paid for. ” “ Not as’it should be. I thought J honorable In such matters’ I "‘ No doubt he 1s, asto his intentions. But he r \ , CONCLUSION. 239 could not afi'ord that ring: never should have bought it. He may be able to pay. for it one of these days; but I’m afraid we shall have to wait a long time for our money.” The young wife heard no more. But she was a. sensible woman, and repeated the conversation to her husband, adding, “ Of course I can never wear this ring again; so take it, and return it. I would not have you spoken of in that way for all the diamonds in the world.” CHAPTER XXI. CONCLUSION. IT would have been an easy matter to have said much more than we have said on each of the topics discussed in this book, and to have intro- duced others. But if, in matters of primary 1n~ terest, we have correct views, these will guide us in all things subordinate. Right thinking, as we stated in the outset, is the basis of all right action; and it is therefore much better to learn to think right than to burden the memory with modes of action in which no principle of right 13 clearly perceived. \‘u‘ 240 ADVICE T0 YOUNG LADIES. In the beginning, we called especial attention so the necessity of acting from a religious prin. ciple, as the only means of becoming truly use. ful and truly happy We showed in the chapter on marriage, that the end gives quality to the act. This is as true of one act as of another. The dictates 0: common politeness prompt to a regard for the comfort and pleasure of others; but the end that governs in mere politeness is a selfish one, for it is grounded in a love of reputa‘ tion, or a wish to be thought well-bred, and does ‘ not flow from a desire for the good of ' another‘ But a religious principle is a sincere desire for another’s good, based upon a denial of mere self~ ‘ ish feelings, because they are seen to be evil, and opposed to the divine laws which were originally ~written upon the heart, and which prompted, every one to seek the good of his neighbor. -. To act, therefore, from religious principles, is to act ii from the highest, purest, and best end that can influence a human being—an end that will ~ surely lead to true usefulness and happiness. Where religious principles govern any one, the danger of committing important errors is very small; for selfishness, which always blinds and deceives, is subordinate, and the wish to do‘good toothcn uppermost in the mind. Every act is then mli considered, lest its eflect be injuriou \. ,. 3 CONCLUSION. 24.1 to another, or entail disabilities upon the actor that will prevent him from discharging, at sOme future period, his duties to others, which would be to wrong them. i To one who is inexperienced in life, and who feels that the most desirable thing in the world is the gratification of her own wishes and the seek- ing freely her own pleasures, there is nothing attractive in the idea of regarding the good of others in all she does. This seems to her like giving up every thing that makes life desirable. But she has yet to learn the meaning of this ~divine law, that “it is more blessed to give than to receive.” She has yet to have her‘inind opened to the higher truth, that in seeking to make others happy, there is a delight inconCeiv— ably beyond what-is to be found in any mere selfish and exclusive regard for our own happi— N ness. Indeed, happiness is a thing that, when sought for as an end, never comes. It is not a positive something that the mind can seek for 'and find, but a consequence that flows from good actions. Idle pleasure-Seeking is, therefore, a vain and worse than useless employment. It dis- appoints the expectations, and leaves the mind restless and dissatisfied. -But a diligent and faithful performance, every day, of what tug hands and intellect find to do, brings with it Q 10 242 ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. heartfelt reward, a deep satisfaction. Thus dili gently to perform our every—day duties, because to neglect them would be to injure others, at the same time that we look to the Giver of all good for ability to enable us faithfully to do what is right, is to act from '1 religious, because an un selfish, principle. That which separates us from God, and produces all the mental disorders under ‘ which we labor, is selfishness. There is n( \ means of returning to God, and to true order, ' except by denying self; and this we do when we seek; in all- the various relations of life, to dis- _, j. charge our duties for the sake of good to others. Of ourselves we cannot act from this high mo- live; it comes from God, who alone is good, and from whom all good flows. But we can shun the ‘_ evil of selfishness, by denying it the gratification , L . i i , of its inordinate desires, and compelling ourselves - 7 , ‘ faithfully to do whatever useful thing comes in 'our way; and then the love of doing goodwill flow into our minds, and we shall feel a higher delight than ever before thrilled through our‘ bosoms. ' , _ 5 ‘ A woman,’ from the time she steps forth upon ' the stage of life, is surrounded by the‘means of _ being useful to and doing good to others. She need not go out of her way to seek for objects to « benefit. She need not lay down pl ms of useful. ‘ CONCLUSION. 243 ness that extend beyond the circle of her everr day domestic life. All around her are clustered .he means of doing good to others; and one would think that a harder struggle were required to turn from them than to enter diligently into the use of these means. How much good may not a sister do among her brothersiand sisters! There is not a day, nor an hour in the day, that she may not, by some act or word, do a lasting good. In the divine providence she is thus placed, with ability in the midst of those who need the exercise of her ability to do them good. She is thus placed, in order that she may do than good. In like circumstances, Providence pro- vided those who could guide and instruct her, ano minister to'her wants. If, instead of faithfully performing her duty, she seek rather her own pleasures, she acts from a selfish and debasing end, that, while it does wrong to others, leaves her own mind unsatisfied or positively unhappy, but if, from a love of these little ones, or a sense of her duty to them, she supply their wants. and do all in her power to elevate their thought! and affections, and lead them to good, she wil; experience an inward peace and satisfaction tha; will be felt as a sufficient reward. ' To her mother, the grown-up, unmarried daughter may, if she will, prove a comfort and a 244 ADVICE 'ro YOUNG LADIES. blessing. She can lighten her cares by assuin mg many of them herself; she can become her sympathizing friend and companion, and warm her heart with the sweet consciousness of being loved by her child with that genuine affection that ever Seeks to bless its object. It is a pain ‘ ful sight to see a daughter manifesting indiffer- ence towards her mother, and seeming to think of her only when she wants some service. The unselfishness of a mother’s love—its untiring devotion—its anxious .care—merit a better reward. If love prompt. not a young lady to 7 think of her mother and seek to do her good, let a sense of duty compel her to act with due con- sideration towards her, and she will soon find that to be a pleasure which at first seemed irk- . some, and wonder at theselfishness of her heart that could have made her indifferent towards one who has so many claims upon her love and grati- tude. VVheneverl we compel ourselves to do right, we come into new‘and better states, and are then enabled to persevere in well-doing from the warmth of a genuine affection, rather than from a coercive sense of duty. This truth should be. laid up in the memory of every young lady; it will encourage her to well-doing even under the disheartening sense of a want of high and generous motives, which we all sometimes feel. To her companions every young ladyihas a CONCLUSION 245 duty to perform, which she will fail to do. unles- governed by a religious principle. It is a very easy thing, in our associations with others, to think only of ourselves. To this we are all natu- rally inclined. But to do so, is to be unjust; for when we think only of our own pleasures and our own interests, we are sure to seek them at the expense of the pleasures and interests of others. This is the inevitable result of all selfish action. It is impossible for us to act in society without In some way affecting others, and according to the. ends which govern us will be the quality of our acts. If we have a generous regard for others in what we do, we shall be sure to make others happy; but if only a regard for ourselves, we shall as certainly, in something, trespass upon the rights or feelings of others. In the society of her . light-hearted friends, a young lady will often‘find herself tempted to say, or respond affirmatively to, a disparaging word of an absent one; or she will feel disposed, from not wishing to disturb the self-complacency of a friend, to hear unfavorable things said of another that she knows are untrue, land which a single remark from her can cor- rect; or she may have an eager desire to secure some good to herself, at the expense of bitter disappointment in one less able to bear it than herself In fact, there are a hundred ways in which the well-being, good name. or hapoiaefl 246 ADVICE T0 YOUNG LADIES. of another is placed in her hands, and which she will be tempted to sacrifice. We need not . say what her duty is under such circumstances. The higher and better perceptions of every one will point to that. As year after year passes by, a young lady will be brought into circumstances of closer and closer relationship 'with others, until at length she finds herself occupying the important posi- tion of a wife and mother, in which every act of her life, and almost every thought and word, must necessarily have either a good or a bad effect upon others. Self-denial and regard for ‘ the good of others she is now more than ever called upon to exercise; and in their exercise she can alone find true peace of mind. All ‘ turning of thought inward upon self as an ob- f . ject of primary consideration, all looking to the x ' attainment of selfish ends and selfish gratificzi- I -. tion, will react upon her. with a disturbing forcet for she cannot do this Without interfering in some way with the comfort or happiness of those in whose comfort and happiness her own is inex tr‘cably involved. ‘ The mothergwho neglects her child in the eager pursuit of some phantom of pleasure, or for the attainment of ease, will make - that child unhappy, and herself doubly so; for she can no more expel from her mind a cons M ‘ Iciousness of having wronged that child, than CONCLUSION. 247 she can prevent being dis urhed by the evi- dences of her neglect. The same will be true if she think more of her own ease and pleasure than she does of her husband’s comfort. He cannot but feel this want of true consideration for him both in mind and person; and he will certainly exhibit what he feels in a way to dis- turb the self-complacency of his wife, even though his regard for her may be so strong as to make him careful not to do so intentionally. Thus, in any and all positions where a woman is placed, she will find that. only in a faithful dis- charge of life’s varied duties, from a regard to'the good of others, is there any true happiness; for this is to act from a religious principle. To act thus brings more than an earthly reward; by such a life, she is prepared for heavenly felicities, which consist alone in the delight that springs from doing good. In heaven no one thinks of self, nor seeks his own gratification; but all, from genuine love, seek the good of others, and their happiness consists in the delight that springs from the attainment of their ends. If we wish to come into a heavenly society at death, we must act from heavenly principles here. There is no other way. This is the straight and narrow path that leads to eternal felicity and all who wish to gain that desirable state must walk therein. 248 ADVICE TO YOUNG Limes. "And now, in conclusion, we beg of our fair , young friends to .ay deeply to heart the matters contained in this book, and to strive in all things to act from those godlike principles of love to others that were at first written on the human heart by the Creator. Every act of our lives affects some one either for good or for evil. We are constantly lending an impulse to the great effort in human society to return to true order and ‘ happiness, or retarding its movements. Ofcourse, the effects of our actions are not limited to the individuals who first feel them, nor to the time in which we live. Our act is felt and re-' Hproduced with a greater or diminished force by the one who receives it. If we help others in the development of good principles, we give them power to do good that may efl'ect beneficially hundreds, yea, thousands. There is no telling ‘where the widening circle of influence may stop i ii i And the same is true when by our acts we .I strengthen or forced. into activity the evil qualities i Which any one has inherited. ‘ From this it may be seen how great is the re- sponsibility resting upon each one of us, and how ‘ much good or evil we may do in our way through _ _ life. 3‘ NEW AND LATE BOOKS. a - THE OLD MAN’S BRIDE; or, The Lesson of the Day. Showing the fatal error committed by those who, in disregnrd of oil the better qualities of our nature, make marriage a. matter of bargain end sale. By T. S. ARTHUR. Cloth. 81 25. THE HAA’D TVITHOUT THE HEART; or, The Life Trials of Jessie Loring. 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