THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR By JAMES FORBES SAMUEL FRENCH, 25 West 45th St., New York MRS. PARTRIDGE PRESENTS Comedy in 3 acts. By Mary Kennedy and Euth Haw thorne. 6 males, 6 females. Modern costumes. 2 interiors Plays 2y<t hours. The characters, scenes and situations are tnorougnly up-t date in this altogether delightful American comedy. The heroine 8 a woman of tremendous energy, who manages a business &P she manages everything with great success, and at home pre- aides over the destinies of a growing son and daughter. Her struggle to give the children the opportunities she herself had missed, and the children s ultimate revolt against her well-meant management that is the basis of the plot. The son who is cast for the part of artist and the daughter who is to go on the stage offer numerous opportunities for the development of the comic possibilities in the theme. The play is one of the most delightful, yet thought-provoking American comedies of recent years, and is warmly recommended to all amateur groups. (Royalty on application.) Price, 75 Cents. IN THE NEXT ROOM Melodrama in 3 acts. By Eleanor Kobson and Harriet Ford. 8 males, 3 females. 2 interiors. Modern costumes, Plays 2*4 hours. "Philip Vantine has bought a rare copy of an original Boul cabinet and ordered it shipped to his New York home from Paris, "When it arrives it is found to be the original itself, the pos session of which is desired by many strange people. Before th mystery concerned with the cabinet s shipment can be cleared up, two persons meet mysterious death fooling with it and th happiness of many otherwise happy actors is threatened" (Burns Mantle). A first-rate mystery play, comprising all the element? of suspense, curiosity, comedy and drama. "In the Next Boom" is quite easy to stage. It can be unreservedly recommended to high schools and colleges, (Royalty, twenty-five doiiara.} Price, T5 SAMUEL FRENCH. 25 West 45th Street, New York City Our New Catalocne Will Be Sent on Becwipt *f Five >t*. The Famous Mrs. Fair A PLAY IN FOUR ACTS BY JAMES FORBES COPYRIGHT, 1919, BY JAMES FORBES COPYRIGHT, 1920, BY GEORGE H. DORAN COMPANY All Rights Reserved CAUTION Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that "THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR," being fully protected under the copyright laws of the United States and Great Britain, is subject to a royalty and anyone presenting the play without the consent of the owner or his authorized agents will be liable to the penalties by law provided. Application for amateur acting rights must be made to SAMUEL FRENCH 25 West 45th Street, New York. New York: London: SAMUEL FRENCH SAMUEL FRENCH, Lm Publisher 26 Southampton Street 25 West 45th Street Strand "The Famous Mrs. Fair" All rights reserved Especial notice should be taken that the possession of this book without a valid contract for production first having been obtained from the publisher, confers no right or license to professionals or amateurs to produce the play publicly or in private for gain or charity. In its present form this play is dedicated to the reading public only, and no performance, representation, produc tion, recitation, or public reading, or radio broadcasting may be given except by special arrangement with Samuel French, 25 West 45th Street, New York. This play may be presented by amateurs upon payment of a royalty of Twenty-Five Dollars for each performance, payable to Samuel French, 25 West 45th Street, New York, one week before the date when the play is given. Whenever the play is produced the following notice must appear on all programs, printing and advertising for the play: "Produced by special arrangement with Samuel French of New York." Attention is called to the penalty provided by law for any infringement of the author s rights, as follows: "SECTION 4966: Any person publicly performing or rep resenting any dramatic or musical composition for which copyright has been obtained, without the consent of the proprietor of said dramatic or musical composition, or his heirs and assigns, shall be liable for damages thereof, such; damages, in all cases to be assessed at such sum, not less than one hundred dollars for the first and fifty dollars for every subsequent performance, as to the court shall appear to be just. If the unlawful performance and representation be wilful and for profit, such person or persons shall be guilty of a misdemeanor, and upon conviction shall be im prisoned for a period not exceeding one year." U. S. Revised Statutes: Title 60, Chap. 3. THE PERSONS OF THE PLAY JEFFREY FAIR NANCY FAIR ALAN FAIR SYLVIA FAIR PEGGY GIBBS ANGELICA BRICE E. DUDLEY GILLETTE NORA MRS. GILBERT WELLS MRS. LESLIE CONVERSE MRS. KELLETT BROWN MRS. NORMAN WYNNE MRS. STUART PERRIN The Scenes of the First and Second Acts are laid at the home of JEFFREY FAIR on Long- Island, in the months of May and June; the occurrences of the succeeding acts take place in his apartments in a New York hotel during an evening in October. f~ 296 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR Original cast, as first presented at the Henry Miller Theatre, New York, December 22, 1919 It is arranged in the order in which they first appear. SYLVIA FAIR Margalo Gillmore ALAN FAIR Jack Devereaux NORA Betty Hall E. DUDLEY GILLETTE Robert Strange ANGELICA BRICE Virginia Hammond NANCY FAIR Blanche Bates JEFFREY FAIR Henry Miller MRS. NORMAN WYNNE Dallas Tyler MRS. KELLETT BROWN Marian Lord MRS. STUART PERRIN Maude Allan MRS. LESLIE CONVERSE Alice Baxter MRS. GILBERT WELLS Florence Williams PEGGY GIBBS Kathleen Comegys The Famous Mrs. Fair THE FIRST ACT The living-room of JEFFREY FAIR S home on Long Island. The walls are panelled and painted in soft tones ; at the left is a fireplace, at the right a door into a hall, and at the back three French windows opening onto a terrace, beyond which is a vista of wooded hills. The room is charm ingly and luxuriously furnished, everything de noting wealth and refinement. A large table with a lamp, ^vriting materials, photographs, books and bowls of flowers is at the right. Be hind it is a chair and in front of it a couch. Be tween the windows are consoles and, on either side of them, small chairs. In the corner of the room is a lacquer cabinet. There are two large wing chairs, one in front of the fireplace, the other against the left wall below the fireplace. Bowls and vases of flowers are in every avail able place, giving a festive aspect to the room. Above the centre window is a floral piece fash ioned of laurel and red, white and blue flowers , in the centre the words "Welcome Home Our Heroine at the base red, white and blue rib bons fastened with a cockade and projecting from its upper corners are miniature flags of the United States, Great Britain and France. SYLVIA FAIR is coming from the garden through the sunshine of a May morning. In a simple ging- 5 6 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR ham dress with her hair hanging in a golden cloud about her shoulders, her arms filled with lilacs, she is a radiant picture of sweet, un spoiled girlhood, not at all the usual modern miss of eighteen. She runs up the steps and into the room, where she flits about arranging the flowers, humming the air of a gay little song. Her task completed, she stands looking at the result with joyful satisfaction when the voice of ALAN FAIR is heard outside in the hall. ALAN. (Calling) Oh, Sylvia! SYLVIA. Yes, Alan. (ALAN FAIR, a fine example of American youth, comes in hurriedly.) ALAN. Hello, Sis. SYLVIA. Hello, Alan! ALAN. Mother not here yet? SYLVIA. No. But she will be any moment. The boat docked an hour ago. ALAN. Did you get in touch with Dad ? SYLVIA. Yes. Last night as soon as I received the wireless. ALAN. Why didn t you meet mother? SYLVIA. They won t let you on the pier without an alibi or something. ALAN. Hello! Give me John 6780! SYLVIA. What are you going to do? ALAN. Phone Peggy. I motored her in this morning. Tire went bad. She was afraid I wouldn t be here in time. SYLVIA. I wonder why mother didn t cable that she had changed from the French Line to the Olym pic? ALAN. Oh, hello! Is this 6780 John? I d like THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 7 to speak to Miss Gibbs. (To SYLVIA,) Say, but you re going to be a big surprise to mother. SYLVIA. Yes. Two years makes a lot of differ ence in a woman. ALAN. You ! You re only a kid. SYLVIA. Why, I m eighteen ! ALAN. Oh, hello ! Is that you, Peggy ? Yes, I got here in time. Boat s docked. SYLVIA. Give Peggy my love. ALAN. Sylvia says to give you her love. That goes double for me. Oh, that s all right. I m go ing to tell Sylvia. No, I won t say a word to any one else. I promise. (SYLVIA, astonished, goes to ALAN and suddenly reaches over, turns the transmitter towards her self and talks into it.) SYLVIA. Oh, Peggy, I ve been hoping you were going to be my sister-in-law. ALAN. (Greatly surprised) Why, how did you know? SYLVIA. (Taking the telephone from ALAN^ Peggy, Alan wants to know how I knew. Isn t that funny? When did you say "yes"? Last night? (ALAN is impatiently trying to take the telephone from SYLVIAJ I m so glad. Yes, I m awfully ex cited. I can hardly wait until mother gets here. ALAN. (Grabbing the telephone) Good-bye, dar ling ! Don t get so fresh ! What number do I want? You ve cut me off ! (ALAN irritably moves receiver hook up and down. SYLVIA, laughing, takes the telephone from ALAN and puts it on the table. ALAN goes sulkily to the armchair.) ALAN. How did you know I was in love with Peggy? SYLVIA. (Coming to him) Oh, you weren t run ning up to Connecticut every other minute since you ve been demobilised to see your "buddy," even 8 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR if he is as nice a one as Tom Gibbs. Why, the very first time I met Peggy, I knew. ALAN. I didn t know it myself then. (Pie sits.) SYLVIA. (Leaning over the back of the chair) Are you going to tell mother and daddy? ALAN. Not right away. SYLVIA. Afraid they won t like your marrying beneath you? ALAN. Where do you get that stuff? SYLVIA. Peggy is a stenographer, and you are the son of Jeffrey Fair. ALAN. Yes, and Peggy s been self-supporting and, except what Uncle Sam paid me, I ve never earned a nickel. Marrying beneath me! I m marrying above me. SYLVIA. (Sitting on the arm of the chair) I hope they think so. Of course, mother s been helping for four years to save the world for Democracy. I sup pose that s made her democratic, and daddy has no use for his ancestors. Still, it s going to be an awful shock to everyone here. ALAN. I should worry about shocking the neigh bors. SYLVIA. Then why keep it a secret? ALAN. Peggy thinks it might spoil the family reunion for mother if I well, spring a new member on her. SYLVIA. That s very thoughtful, very sweet of Peggy. ALAN. Everything about her is sweet. I m crazy about the whole family. They have the homiest kind of a home. You know, at night Mrs. Gibbs sewing and Mr. Gibbs reading his paper and a bowl of apples on the table. SYLVIA. Of course, an apple at night would give me the pip, but it must be lovely. ALAN. It would be great if you liked Tom. THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 9 SYLVIA. Oh, Alan, I don t believe I could marry a policeman. ALAN. He s not a policeman. He s a detective and the best pal. Sylvia, you re not going to be a rotten snob about a man who fought for you, side by side with your own brother ? SYLVIA. You know I m not a snob. I love Peggy and I like Tom. But I can t marry all the men who fought for me. I don t want to marry, anyway. All I want to do is get acquainted again with my mother. (NORA, a housemaid, enters.) NORA. Mr. Alan, a gentleman to see you. (ALAN takes the card, looks at it.) SYLVIA. Why, Nora, we can t see anyone to-day. NORA. That s what I told him. It s something to do with your mother. SYLVIA. (Going to ALAN,) Who is he? ^ ALAN. (Reading) "E. Dudley Gillette of the Gillette Lecture Bureau." NORA. He says it s very important. ALAN. Show him in. SYLVIA. What can he want? ALAN. (Reading) "Business Representative for Tommy Perkins, the Flying Ace; Montague Trav- ers, War Correspondent." Seems to specialize in war heroes. SYLVIA. I ll bet he s selling tickets. (She sits in the armchair.) (NORA shows in E. DUDLEY GILLETTE, a man of thirty -five, of good appearance and address, but not a gentleman. His manner is over-suave, his clothes too correct.) io THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR GILLETTE. Good morning, Captain Fair. ALAN. No, just plain Mr. Fair now. GILLETTE. (Bowing to SYLVIA,) I hope you ll excuse this intrusion (To ALANJ but I have something here for Major Fair that was too im portant to entrust to a -messenger, as I want her to receive it immediately on her arrival. (He takes from his pocket an envelope and hands it to ALAN.J ALAN. Won t you sit down? GILLETTE. Thank you. ALAN. (Indicating the envelope) Something of a confidential nature? GILLETTE. Well, no. It s an offer to make a lec ture tour of the country under my management. ALAN. A what? (He opens the envelope.) SYLVIA. Mother lecture ? Oh, how ghastly ! ALAN. (Reading the contract) This wouldn t in terest her. GILLETTE. Oh, I don t know. My London repre sentative cabled that she would give my offer her consideration. ALAN. That s my mother s way of being polite. GILLETTE. Possibly. Still she did go to London to see my man. ALAN. You know that mother was arriving on the Olympic? GILLETTE. Yes, that s why I am here. I wanted to be the first on the ground. There will be a keen competition for her among the lecture bureaus. ALAN. Why ? GILLETTE. The newspapers have been full of the work done overseas by Major Fair and her Unit; her decoration by the French Government, all that with her social position here SYLVIA. (Indignantly) Why, I think it s per fectly awful of you or anyone else to think that our mother is going around the country showing off her Croix de Guerre. THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 11 ALAN. Mother has no desire to boast of her work. There is not the slightest use leaving this. (He re places the contracts in the envelope, which he offers to GILLETTE, who rises.) GILLETTE. Because her family wouldn t permit her to accept it ? ALAN. (Snubbing him) My mother makes her own decisions. GILLETTE. (Very suavely) Then why can t I leave it for her? ALAN. (Coldly) No reason. GILLETTE. Well, then (ALAN looks at GILLETTE, then, turning away, places the envelope in the pocket of his coat. SYLVIA is looking at GILLETTE. GILLETTE looks at her interestedly, in fact rather rudely "sizes her up." SYLVIA is puzzled and a little embarrassed, being utterly unaccustomed to that kind of scrutiny. ALAN turns. GILLETTE quickly assumes a suave smile.) GILLETTE. Thank you. Good morning. ALAN. Good morning. (GILLETTE goes. SYLVIA rises and runs over to ALAN.J SYLVIA. (Distressed almost in tears) Oh, Alan, mother wouldn t do it. Surely, when she s been home only once in four years she won t want to go away again. ALAN. (Soothingly) Certainly not. (He puts his arms around SYLVIA.J (ANGELICA BRICE, a pretty blonde widow in the thirties, fragile, appealing, essentially feminine 12 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR and charmingly gowned, appears at the door to the terrace.) ANGY. Hello, Sylvia. ALAN. (Impatiently) Oh (He turns away in disgust. SYLVIA runs to ANGY.J SYLVIA. Oh, Angy, darling. Come in. ANGY. Oh, no. I simply wanted your mother to have this little welcome from her next-door neighbor. SYLVIA. That s lovely of you. Come in and tell me if you think the place looks nice. (She takes the violets, places them in a bowl on the table. ANGY comes into the room. She looks at the decorations.) ANGY. Oh, it s charming ! How do you do, Alan ? ALAN. (Coldly) How do you do, Mrs. Brice. ANGY. Oh, it s charming. (She sits in the arm chair. ) SYLVIA. (Running over to her) I m so glad mother came home in May. She loves the Spring flowers. ANGY. I suppose your father s at the dock. SYLVIA. I hope so. I had such a time getting him last night at Washington. ANGY. Oh ? darling, I could have told you he d be here to-day. I m so glad for you that your mother s coming home at last. ALAN. (Significantly) I m so glad for father s sake. (He looks meaningly at ANGY, who, although thoroughly understanding the implication in his speech, is apparently oblivious. SYLVIA is wholly unaware of ANGY S and ALAN S fencing.) ANGY. He must have missed her. Hasn t it been awfully sporting of him never to have complained? SYLVIA. If it hadn t been for you, we d have died of loneliness. I ll never forget how good you ve been to me and daddy. ALAN. Neither will I. You ve tried your darn- dest to take mother s place. And even if you haven t THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 13 succeeded, you ve made a corking good stab at it. ANGY. (To ALAN, very sweetly) So glad you appreciate it. ALAN. Why, no one in this family appreciates you as I do. SYLVIA. (Delightedly runs to ALAN) I knew you d like Angy when you understood her. ALAN. Why, Sylvia, I ve always understood Mrs. Brice. (He is standing, his arm about SYLVIA, smil ing at ANGY, who is furious with him, although she seems to be unruffled. The voices of NANCY and JEFFREY are heard in the hall.) NANCY. (Outside) Oh, children! Where are you? SYLVIA. Mother ! ALAN. It s mother! (They rush into the hall calling excitedly, "Mother! Mother!" There is a babel of excited greeting. ANGY rises and retires to a position where she can watch unobserved the advent of NANCY FAIR, who appears presently, between SYLVIA and ALAN, her arms about their shoulders. In her Overseas uniform of horizon blue, Sam Browne belt^ beret and ribbon of the Croix de Guerre, she is a vividly arresting figure, the per sonification of those American women brought into prominence during the war because of their executive ability, gay courage and unselfish de votion. NANCY is overjoyed at the meeting with her children. She hugs and kisses SYLVIA re peatedly. ALAN is trying to attract his mother s attention and finally taps her affectionately on the shoulder.) ALAN. Mother, I could do with a little of that^ NANCY. Alan ! Alan ! i 4 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR (She turns to him and he takes her in his arms. She kisses him, puts him away from her, looks at him fondly, then embraces him again and again. SYLVIA has run across to JEFFREY FAIR, who has followed them and is watching, happily, the reunion of his family. He is fifty and repre sents the highest type of the American man of affairs. ANGY, coming forward, is seen by JEF FREY. He is slightly startled and visibly an noyed, but controlling himself he bows, smil ingly, then tries to attract NANCY S attention.) JEFFREY. Oh, Nancy! (NANCY does not hear him. He raises his voice.) Oh, Nancy ! (NANCY turns to him. He indicates ANGY.J This is Mrs. Brice. (ALAN, annoyed, moves away. NANCY turns to MRS. BRICE, smiling, and is about to go to her, when SYLVIA runs to ANGY and, taking her by the hand, brings her to NANCY.J SYLVIA. Mother, this is Angy! NANCY. (Very cordially) Oh, you are Sylvia s Angy. The child s letters have been full of you. You ve been so kind to my little girl. ANGY. (Very sweetly) Sylvia and her father have been very kind to me. I hadn t meant to in trude. SYLVIA. Oh, Mother, Angy brought these. (She picks up the bowl of violets, shows them to NANCY, who exclaims at the sight of them.) NANCY. Oh, how sweet of you! ANGY. I must go. Good-bye, Sylvia. (She starts toward the door to the terrace.) NANCY. You ll come again very soon, won t you ? ANGY. Oh, I ll be sure to! (She smiles very THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 15 sweetly at NANCY, turns, looks at JEFFREY, waves her hand airily.) Bye-bye, Jeffie ! (She goes.) (A slight pause. NANCY is surprised, amused JEFFREY annoyed, confused.) NANCY. (Imitating ANGYJ "Jeffie"- (Very innocently.) Darling, have you been carrying on a little bit? JEFFREY. Certainly not. (NANCY laughs. ALAN is amused. SYLVIA oblivious. JEFFREY, embar rassed, pretends to search for something on the table.) Damn it all, you never can find a match in this house ! SYLVIA. Here they are. You never look. (JEFFREY goes to SYLVIA, who gives him a match. NANCY laughs. She looks about her.) NANCY. Well, Alan, some swell dugout. SYLVIA. Daddy, listen to mother talking slang. ALAN. Get our decorations? NANCY. Bless your hearts ! They are lovely ! SYLVIA. Our decorations ! I did it all. NANCY. Sylvia, that placard s going it a bit strong. Your mother isn t a heroine. SYLVIA. (Expostulating) Aren t you a Major, and decorated, and everything? NANCY. (With mock seriousness) N everything ! SYLVIA. Mother, when you were given the Croix de Guerre, did the General kiss you on both cheeks ? (JEFFREY advances towards them.) NANCY. Ask me some other time, darling; your father is listening. JEFFREY. If he didn t, he was a poor fish! 16 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR (NANCY blows him a kiss.) \ SYLVIA. Poor daddy! When I think how you slaved in that old Quartermaster s Department, I don t see why they didn t decorate you. JEFFREY. They don t pin any medals on you for trying to save the people s money. NANCY. (Looking about her) Is all this mag nificence mine? JEFFREY. Are you referring to me? ALAN. No. She means me. NANCY. I mean Sylvia. Gracious, child, what have you been taking to make you grow ? Jeff, isn t she the prettiest daughter that ever was? JEFFREY. Look at her father. NANCY. Oh, you ! Alan, you look simply scrump tious! JEFFREY. (Sitting in the armchair) What about me? NANCY. You! You haven t pined away for me at all. I m frightfully disappointed. SYLVIA. Oh, Mother! Why? NANCY. He should be pale and wan, and look at him! He s fat, positively fat! JEFFREY. (Indignantly) I am not fat! SYLVIA. He s not! NANCY. (Laughing) Alan, we ll have to take him in hand. You know (Illustrating ) fifty times before breakfast. ALAN. (Laughs.) Too late. (He sits on the couch.) SYLVIA. You two stop picking on my daddy. I think he s perfectly grand. NANCY. He has me hypnotized just that same way, darling. ALAN. Yes. Taken by and large, he s not a bad old scout. JEFFREY. Here, son, my wife has been mingling THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 17 with the flower of the youth of both hemispheres, so cut that old. (NANCY goes to JEFFREY, sits on the arm of his chair and hugs him.) NANCY. None of them so nice as you. JEFFREY. Sure ? NANCY. Well, pretty sure. SYLVIA. Oh, Mother, you look so young! NANCY. Nobody ever had a nicer daughter. ALAN. They ve got to go some to tie you, Mother eh, Dad? JEFFREY. I ll say it ! NANCY. Such compliments from my family! You re not getting me in a good humor so that you can spring something on me? ALAN. How does it seem to be home, Mother? NANCY. If Sylvia won t be shocked by my lan guage, I ll confess I m having a pippin of a time! (JEFFREY puts his arm around her.) ALAN. You are going to find it awfully flat. (NANCY is smiling. Her expression changes. She looks at ALAN curiously. SYLVIA turns. JEF FREY leans forward in his chair. They also look in surprise at ALAN.) NANCY. What do you mean? JEFFREY. (Indignantly) Yes, I d like to know what he means. SYLVIA. Alan ! The idea ! She didn t find it flat when she was here the last time. ALAN. Mother was busy getting money for her Unit, and she was going back. Take it from me. I ve been through it. You re going to miss the some- i8 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR thing I don t know what it is but life over there gets you. You know that, Mother. You ll find yourself thinking more about the people you left over there than your old friends here. (NANCY rises and moves toward SYLVIA. She is thinking. The others watch her closely. Seeing that SYLVIA is looking at her anxiously, she smiles and goes to her.) NANCY. What are you worrying about, dear? SYLVIA. You won t get bored at home, will you, Mother ? JEFFREY. Sylvia, don t pay any attention to this young kill- joy. (He rises and advances on ALAN.J What the devil is the matter with you? (He glares in indignation at ALAN, who rises and goes to the door to the terrace. SYLVIA, even with her mother s arms around her, is still unconvinced.) SYLVIA. But you won t get bored, will you? NANCY. No. No. No. You silly little goose! (She has taken SYLVIA S face in her hands, kissing her after each "No" and at the end of the speech, then, taking her over to the armchair, swings her onto the arm of the chair, where SYLVIA perches, all smiles again, her arm around NANCY, who is seated. JEFFREY is sitting on the couch, looking at them and smiling happily.) JEFFREY. It s good to see you over there, Nancy. We missed you eh, Sylvia? SYLVIA. You missed us, didn t you, Mother? ALAN. When she had the time to think about you. But you never had the time JEFFREY. Say, will you let your mother speak for herself? ALAN. Just the same, I m right, aren t I, Mother ? NANCY. Perhaps in a way. But I had lots of THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 19 time to be lonesome for all of you. (She looks lov ingly at JEFFREY.,) (NORA comes in, bringing a tray.) NANCY. Well, if it isn t Nora ! I am glad to see you. (She rises, greeting NORA warmly.) NORA. It s glad I am to see you, Mrs. Fair, safe and sound out of them trenches ! (NANCY moves toward the tray .and begins to ex amine its contents. JEFFREY and SYLVIA join ALAN. They stand watching her, much amused.) NANCY. What s this ? NORA. Luncheon s a couple of hours off and cook thought you might like a snack. NANCY. Don t tell me it s honest-to-God Ameri can boiled coffee? And sugar! And butter! And real cream from a cow ! I simply can t bear it ! NORA. It s starved you ve been by them Paris chefs ! NANCY. You ve said it, Nora. Give cook a kiss. How are all the others? NORA. Oh, fine, and waiting in the kitchen to wel come you. NANCY. I ll be there very soon. NORA. Oh, Mrs. Fair, take no notice of William if he s kinda short with you. He s that annoyed; he didn t know you were coming. He was for hav ing a triumphal arch over the front door. NANCY. I won t. (They laugh. NORA goes. NANCY sits on the couch. SYLVIA brings a chair and sits beside her.) SYLVIA. Now, Mother, tell us everything. 20 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR JEFFREY. Oh, let your mother drink her coffee. We ve all the rest of our lives to hear about it. ALAN. Oh, Mother, they won t understand. You can t talk about it. SYLVIA. What? JEFFREY. (Guyingly) You ve done nothing else since you ve been home. (Tenderly.) But you ve always had one proud listener, son. ALAN. (Shyly) Dad ! NANCY. And here s another! Come over here this instant and kiss your proud mother. ALAN. Oh, Mother! NANCY. This instant minute. JEFFREY. Captain Fair, the Major is talking to you. (ALAN snaps to a salute. NANCY jumps to her feet, returns it. They laugh. ALAN kisses NANCY and she sits on the couch with ALAN and SYLVIA beside her. JEFFREY, in the armchair, looks fondly at the group.) ALAN. Say, we re going to have some great talks ! NANCY. We re going to fight this old war right from the beginninng ! JEFFREY. Sylvia, it s going to be great to hear just what Foch should have done. SYLVIA. You don t need to think you re going to sneak off by yourselves. NANCY. You can trail right along, darling. Well, Alan, I suppose you can t wait to get back to Yale. JEFFREY. He s not going back. NANCY. What? ALAN. I m going in for mining. NANCY. Going to be a horny-handed son of toil with a little lamp in your hat and everything. Now, I m only teasing. Bless your heart, you do what you THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 21 want to do. You would, anyway. (To SYLVIA,) How are Biddy Wynne and all my girls ? SYLVIA. Oh, fine. They re coming over later. JEFFREY. (Annoyed) To-day? SYLVIA. Yes. I phoned them last night. I knew mother s Unit would want to welcome her home. NANCY. Quite right, dear. I m crazy to see them. JEFFREY. (Grumbling) I think people might let us have you to ourselves the first day. NANCY. (Changing the subject) Now, Sylvia, tell me all the news, and I wouldn t mind a little gossip. SYLVIA. The Wellington- Smiths have a new baby. NANCY. So? Who s been divorced? SYLVIA. Not a soul. NANCY. What ? ALAN. Yes, this war has done that for the coun try. Fighting in France has given a lot of husbands a rest from battles at home. JEFFREY. Old stuff, Alan. Possibly gave the wives a rest, too. NANCY. Thank you, Jeffrey. Sylvia, no matter how many times you marry, always select a gentle man like your father. Who is this Angy Brice? ALAN. Oh, Mother, just as we were all so happy! SYLVIA. Why, I wrote to you about her. NANCY. Yes, darling, I know your Mrs. Brice. (Meaningly.) I want to know Jeff s Mrs. Brice. JEFFREY. (Irritably) She s not my Mrs. Brice. NANCY. Why, Jeffrey, don t you want to tell me about your little playmate? JEFFREY. (Casually) Of course. She s a little widow who lives next door. Wasn t she here when you came over last time? NANCY, No SYLVIA. Daddy, don t you remember we met her just after mother sailed? 22 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR JEFFREY. (Indifferently) Oh, yes, I believe we did. I d forgotten. She s a charming woman. NANCY. Uhmm. JEFFREY. Took a great shine to Sylvia. NANCY. Oh, I think she likes you, too. SYLVIA. She s devoted to us. We ve seen her every day. We three had great times. Motor rides, picnics NANCY. Just a moment, Sylvia. Did I hear cor rectly? Your father on a picnic? JEFFREY. Sylvia liked them. NANCY. Oh, I hope Angy did, too. Alan, don t you like picnics? SYLVIA. Alan ! Oh, he hasn t been here. NANCY. Where have you been ? Now, Alan, f ess up. Who is she? (ALAN is embarrassed, confused. SYLVIA enjoys it for a moment, then comes to his rescue.) SYLVIA. Alan has been visiting his "buddy." NANCY. Oh! (ALAN looks gratefully at SYLVIA. ) SYLVIA. So you see, Mother, I had to depend on Angy. I Red Crossed with her in town. NANCY. Rather a fag, going to New York, wasn t it? SYLVIA. Oh, daddy drove us in and out. Some times we dined on the way home, and when I was too tired I let Daddy and Angy dine together. They didn t mind. NANCY. (Quizzically) No ? SYLVIA. Wasn t it sweet of them? NANCY. That was thoughtful. What made you tired, dear? JEFFREY. (Irritably) Oh, the heat and one thing and another. But let us drop Mrs. Brice. THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 23 NANCY. Oh, my dear, I couldn t. What would people say when she has been so kind to you ? I am going to be very nice to her. (NoRA enters.) NORA. Oh, Mr. Alan, Mr. Gillette has just tele phoned. ALAN. Yes ? NORA. I told him you couldn t be disturbed and he asked me to remind you about the contract he left for Mrs. Fair. (She takes the tray and goes. ALAN and SYLVIA exchange glances.) NANCY. Contract? What contract? ALAN. Oh, it s nothing you need bother about now, Mother. SYLVIA. It can wait. NANCY. (Rising) Children, I am dying of curi osity. ALAN. Honestly, it s of no importance. JEFFREY. Your mother is the best judge of that. Give it to her. ALAN. (Giving NANCY the envelope) Oh, all right. (To JEFFREY,) It s a contract for a lecture tour. JEFFREY. A wha a lecture tour! Oh, this is immense! (JEFFREY shrieks with laughter. NANCY, who has been reading the contract, goes toward him.) NANCY. Well, Mr. Jeffrey Fair, there is nothing funny about the money he offers me. Alan, what s a hundred times $300? ALAN. $30,000. NANCY. Help ! JEFFREY. Oh, it s a fake. SYLVIA. (Rising) Mother, you couldn t lecture. You don t know how. NANCY. Oh, don t I, miss? I gave a little talk 24 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR one night to the boys on the boat and they assured me that I was a riot. JEFFREY. What did you talk about ? NANCY. My experiences. SYLVIA. Did you like doing it ? NANCY. It was rather fun. Of course, if I did it here it wouldn t be for money. JEFFREY. But, Nancy, you re not going to do it here. ALAN. That contract calls for a Coast-to-Coast tour. NANCY. I ve never been to California. JEFFREY. Why, you haven t been home for more than twenty minutes. You re surely not contem plating going away again? (NANCY is silent.) Nancy, what are you thinking about? NANCY. I was just thinking that $30,000 would do a lot of reconstructing ALAN. She s back in France. What did I tell you? JEFFREY. (Rising) This home could do with a little "reconstructing." NANCY. (Meaningly) Oh, come now, Jeff ! Af ter what I ve seen and heard to-day, you can t tell me that you really need anything. SYLVIA. We need you, Mother, awfully. (She goes to NANCY.J NANCY. (Kissing her) Well, my lamb, you are going to have me. JEFFREY. The question is, for how long? NANCY. It s a wise wife who keeps her husband guessing. Come along, Sylvia, and watch mother get the glad hand from the help. (SYLVIA laughs as they leave the room with their arms about each other.) THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 25 ALAN. I could choke Nora. I was going to hide that contract. JEFFREY. Oh, this Gillette individual would have got to her sooner or later. (There is a slight pause.) Alan, I don t want you to misunderstand about Mrs. Brice. ALAN. I don t on your end of it. But she s after you, Dad. JEFFREY. Maybe. But that ll be finished. As a matter of fact, I didn t mean to go it so strong. Lonely. ALAN. Oh, Hell ! I know, I know. JEFFREY. Do you think there s been any talk? ALAN. You can bet your life not where I could hear it. JEFFREY. Alan, you re a great old son. ALAN. You re some dad ! (A pause.) Say, Dad, do you mind if I say something to you? JEFFREY. If you have some advice up your sleeve, shake it out. ALAN. Kind of fresh, me advising you. JEFFREY. You ve seen things. You re not a kid any longer. You fought for me. It seems to me that gives you the right to speak your mind. ALAN. You know, mother is the greatest (JEFFREY has started to say "greatest ever" also. He stops.) JEFFREY. If you are going to do this as a duet, let s get together. ALAN and JEFFREY. Mother is the greatest ever. JEFFREY. That s unanimous. Now, fire away ! ALAN. Mother made a whale of a hit in France. JEFFREY. Yes, I know. If she wanted to she could call Pershinng "Jack" and Haig "Doug." ALAN. Not forgetting "Ferdie" Foch. (They 26 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR laugh.) Over here, they are going to be there strong with the palaver. JEFFREY. Yes, I expect that. ALAN. Mother s going to fall for it. JEFFREY. Yes, I ve discounted that, too. ALAN. Have you discounted the effect on her when it s all over? JEFFREY. I hadn t gotten as far as that. ALAN. Take a running jump and arrive there. JEFFREY. Humm. ALAN. You ve got to heel yourself for the day when mother takes a look around and says : "France never was like this." JEFFREY. Humm. ALAN. And when that cold gray morning arrives, don t be too busy to make life very damned interest ing for mother. JEFFREY. That s a pretty tall order for a man without any gold lace on his chest, but I ll do my damnedest. ALAN. And if I see the symptoms coming, hav ing been through it myself, I ll give you the high sign. JEFFREY. Do. Have a cigarette? ALAN. Thanks. (They go out to the terrace, stopping to light their cigarettes. They go down the steps into the gar den. NORA appears, showing in MRS. WYNNE.,) NORA. I ll tell Mrs. Fair you re here. MRS. WYNNE. Thank you, Nora. (NoRA goes. From the hall, arm in arm, like three musketeers, come MRS. BROWN, MRS. PERRIN and MRS. CONVERSE. These women, including MRS. WYNNE, arc members of the Unit which has served with NANCY in France. They are THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 27 of contrasting types; all of them in their thirties; they wear uniforms similar to that of NANCY. MRS. BROWN, MRS. PERRIN and MRS. CON VERSE are gay, excited; MRS. WYNNE is rather tearful.) MRS. BROWN. I m so excited. I can hardly wait to see Nancy. MRS. PERRIN. First real thrill I ve had since I ve been home. MRS. CONVERSE. Soft pedal on that, Lila, when your hubby s around. (She sits on the couch.) MRS. BROWN. Look at Biddy ! Biddy, you poor old fish, wake up ; your buddy s home. MRS. WYNNE. (Tearfully) I can t seem to real ize it. MRS. CONVERSE. Cut out the sob stuff, darling. (She sits beside MRS. PERRIN. Their laughter is interrupted by the appearance of the remaining member of the Unit, MRS. WELLS, a woman of dominating personality, about fifty years of age ; she also is in uniform, and carries a large and very elaborate bouquet.) MRS. BROWN. Get Wellsie! MRS. WELLS. Now, girls, after the salute and for goodness sake get some snap in it you advance, Bridget, and present the bouquet to Major Fair. MRS. WYNNE. (Protesting) Why is this presen tation stuff wished on me ? MRS. WELLS. Weren t you Nancy s buddy? MRS. WYNNE. (Sarcastically) I never handed her any bouquets. MRS. BROWN. Now s your chance. (She sits on the armchair.) MRS. WYNNE. (Scornfully) It seems such a damn silly thing to do. 28 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR MRS. GONVERSE. It is kind of sissy. MRS. WELLS. (Indignantly) I think it s a sweet idea. MRS. WYNNE. How in blazes can I salute and hand her a bouquet at the same time ? (She salutes with her right hand, presenting the bouquet ivith her left. It is obviously awkward.) MRS. PERRIN. I have an idea. MRS. CONVERSE. (Guyingly) No! MRS. WELLS. Impossible! MRS. WYNNE. Really! MRS. PERRIN. (Going to MRS. BROWN,) Why couldn t you hold it at your side like a sword and draw it see? MRS. WYNNE. (Disgusted) Oh! You poor simp! MRS. CONVERSE. Oh, Lila, awful ! MRS. BROWN. Terrible ! MRS. PERRIN. Oh, if any of you had thought of it! MRS. WELLS. (Witheringly) Throw the old thing out the window. I don t care. (She sits be side MRS. CONVERSE on the couch.) MRS. WYNNE. I was the goat of this Unit for four years. MRS. BROWN. (Teasingly) Well, won t you be our little nanny for one more day? MRS. CONVERSE. (Innocently) What are you go ing to say, darling, when you give it to her? MRS. WELLS. (Casually) A few graceful words of welcome. MRS. WYNNE. (Furiously) I haven t got to make a speech? MRS. PERRIN. Why, sweetie, you can t just shove it at her. MRS. WYNNE. Here, Wellsie, take your pretty posies. I m going home. (She throws the bouquet THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 29 on the couch where MRS. WELLS is seated, then starts to go. MRS. PERRIN stops her, bringing her over to MRS. BROWN. They expostulate with her.) MRS. PERRIN. Why, Bridget! Nancy would be sick if you weren t here. MRS. WYNNE. No, I ve stood enough. No, I tell you it s "finis." MRS. WELLS. I seem to be the one at fault. I ll go. (She starts to the door. MRS. CONVERSE stops her.) MRS. CONVERSE. Oh, Wellsie, what s the matter with you ? Behave ! It s like old times, hearing you two scrap. NANCY. (Outside) Hurry up, Sylvia. MRS. BROWN. (Joyously) She s coming! MRS. WELLS. (In great excitement) Fall in. Wynne here. Then Brown. Converse next. (She turns in irritation to MRS. CONVERSE, who has started to the door.) Converse! (MRS. CONVERSE runs to MRS. WELLS, who grabs her and places her next to MRS. BROWN.) Perrin! (She shoves MRS. PERRIN into place next to MRS. CONVERSE, then takes her own position at the end of the line. The women "dress" to a perfect formation.) Attention! (NANCY rushes in, followed by SYLVIA. ) NANCY. Oh, girls! MRS. WELLS. Salute ! (All the women snap to a salute, which is returned by NANCY. MRS. WYNNE takes two paces for ward in military manner and salutes again. NANCY returns it.) MRS. WYNNE. Major Fair, in the name of your Unit, I wish to extend Oh, Buddy ! Buddy ! 30 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR (She breaks down and, rushing to NANCY, throws her arms about her. They embrace wildly.) NANCY. Biddy! Biddy! My dear old Biddy! Oh, Billy Brown! And Mary Anne! Oh, Lila! and Wellsie, old girl ! Oh, this is wonderful ! (She embraces them all in turn. They are laughing, cry ing, in hysterical joy over their reunion. SYLVIA, who has been watching them, is much affected.) MRS. PERRIN. (Tearfully) Hello, Sylvia. SYLVIA. (Tearfully) Hello. MRS. CONVERSE. (Tearfully) Oh, Sylvia! Isn t it wonderful, having mother home ? SYLVIA. (Crying) Wonderful. MRS. WYNNE. (Suddenly seeing the bouquet on the couch.) . Oh, damn it all, I forgot the bouquet! (She picks up the bouquet and gives it to NANCY, who laughs.) MRS. BROWN. Everybody cried all they re going to? MRS. CONVERSE. Well, Nancy, spill us the news. NANCY. What do you want to know? MRS. PERRIN. How s Clementine? NANCY. Splendid. Sent all of you her dearest love. MRS. CONVERSE. Was there ever a cook like Clementine ! MRS. PERRIN. Never. NANCY. You know that tin Lizzie she used to drive? "Ma chere Lizette." I gave her "Lizette" and four new tires. I marked it on my report "abandoned." MRS. WELLS. What will she do with it? NANCY. I suppose she ll move the pig out of the parlor. Oh, God love her, how I hated to say good bye! I hope the people at the Gare du Nord wore rubbers. W r e wept buckets! THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 31 (The women are seated, clustered about NANCY. SYLVIA stands beside her.) MRS. CONVERSE. My, doesn t it bring it all back ! MRS. WELLS. Yes, if somebody would only drop a bomb I d feel perfectly at home. MRS. BROWN. Speaking of bombs remember Coucy ? MRS. PERRIN. Oh, Billy, don t. MRS. WYNNE. (To NANCYJ Buddy, I ll always remember you driving that first ambulance down the road with those Jerrys overhead, shooting at you. SYLVIA. Oh, Mother, how could you? NANCY. Thank heaven, the Boche who followed me couldn t hit anything smaller than the Hippo drome. MRS. BROWN. That s why they decorated your mother for that and a few such trifles. SYLVIA. Did they only give her one measly little Croix de Guerre for that ? Why, they ought to have hung medals all over her! NANCY. Oh, girls, I have a lovely letter from Poincare and a screed from Petain, thanking us for our four years work with the French Army. MRS. CONVERSE. Some Unit! MRS. PERRIN. I ll say it was. MRS. BROWN. Not so worse. MRS. WELLS. We ll frame those letters and hang them in the club. MRS. BROWN. Yes. In the smoking-room, where all the women will be sure to see it. NANCY. (Giving SYLVIA the bouquet) Oh, Syl via, will you put these in my room? Then look in my despatch box. Here are the keys. Bring those kodaks. I had them finished at last. (She gives the keys to SYLVIA, who runs out.) NANCY. Now, girls, tell me and tell me true: 32 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR How does it feel to be at home ? (There is silence.) Don t everybody shriek with joy at once! MRS. WYNNE. Seems to me I ve been home a mil lion years. MRS. PERRIN. After a couple of days with my kiddies, I sighed for the peace and quiet of an air raid. MRS. BROWN. You re in luck to have them. I ve been driven to card-indexing my hens ! MRS. CONVERSE. I wish you d come over and card- index my Swede ! MRS. WELLS. I must confess that after I had kissed my old man and all the grandchildren, they looked sort of strange to me. NANCY. Girls, this sounds awful ! Possibly Alan was right. He said I would find it flat. MRS. WYNNE. After being on the hop, skip and jump for four years, it s the very devil to sit around "Bla." MRS. PER.RIN. Have you any plans? NANCY. I had thought of buying all the clothes in New York, seeing all the shows, playing around with my family . . . MRS. CONVERSE. We ve done all that. And then what? NANCY. Why, eh- MRS. PERRIN. Exactly. "Why, eh- MRS. BROWN. You see, Nancy, now we have time to burn and no matches. NANCY. What are all the other war workers do ing? MRS. BROWN. Kicking about being demobilised. NANCY. It s a burnning shame that Washington couldn t have used all this organized talent. MRS. WELLS. Oh, what could you expect from Congress ? SYLVIA. (Entering) Here are the photographs! THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 33 Oh, Mother, there are a lot of reporters here to see you. NANCY. Where ? SYLVIA. On the front door-step. NANCY. (Rises quickly) Goodness, child ! Run and ask your father for some of his best cigars. (SYLVIA runs into the garden, calling "Daddy" The women have risen excitedly at the news of the reporters arrival They are congregated about the table, examining the photographs, selecting those they think most suitable for publication. NANCY is adjusting her uniform.) NANCY. My hair s a sight. MRS. WELLS. You look lovely. MRS. WYNNE. I d give them these, Nancy ; they re bully of you. NANCY. I don t think I want any photographs. Jeff mightn t like it. MRS. CONVERSE. If you don t, they are sure to dig up some horror. NANCY. Well, give me some of the bunch. MRS. BriowN. Nancy, where s your Croix de Who s Whoser? NANCY. Would you wear it ? MRS. PERRIN. Certainly. (NANCY is pinning on the Croix de Guerre as SYL VIA, JEFFREY and ALAN appear from the ter race.) JEFFREY. Hello. ALL. Hello, Jeff. JEFFREY. Which one of you girls wants a cigar? NANCY. They re for the reporters. JEFFREY. What reporters ? NANCY. From New York. Come on, girls. 34 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR JEFFREY. You re not going to see them? ALAN. (Whispering) Careful, Dad. NANCY. Not if you don t wish it. JEFFREY. Well, all right. MRS. WELLS. Hurry up, dear, before he changes his mind. (The women surround NANCY and leave the room, SYLVIA in the lead. They are laughing and talking. JEFFREY stands watching them, bewil dered.) JEFFREY. My wife! Can you beat it ? ALAN. That s not your wife, Dad; that s Major Fair. CURTAIN THE SECOND ACT The scene is the same as that of the previous act. It is an afternoon in June. MRS. BROWN, MRS. WELLS, MRS. CONVERSE, MRS. WYNNE and MRS. PERRIN and GILLETTE are seated, all of them engrossed in the afternoon editions of the New York newspapers. The women, in contrast to the uniforms of the first act, are now wearing very charming afternoon gowns. MRS. WELLS. This reporter knows what he s talk ing 1 about. MRS. CONVERSE. Nancy s lecture sure made a hit last night. MRS. BROWN. A hit! Listen to this: (Read- ing) "Another Platform Star. Major Fair Wins an Ovation. Thrills Her Audience." GILLETTE. I should say she did. I ve managed a great many lecturers, but I have never seen so suc cessful a first appearance. MRS. WYNNE. Did you hear what Angy Brice said last night? MRS. CONVERSE. No. MRS. WYNNE. (Imitating ANGY S manner) Nan cy s account of our work overseas made her quite envious that she had never been one of the Thank- God- For-The- War- Women . MRS. CONVERSE. Kitty, kitty, kitty. MRS. BROWN. Meow! Meow! 35 36 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR MRS. PERRIN. Oh, Mr. Gillette, is Mrs. Fair go ing to sign that contract with you? GILLETTE. I hope so. You all might help me to persuade her. MRS. WELLS. When do you want her to go ? GILLETTE. In July. MRS. BROWN. Isn t that too early? GILLETTE. The coast is full of tourists then ; be sides, I want her to go out and get the money before the people forget that there has been a war. MRS. WYNNE. But she s only been home a month. MRS. PERRIN. A month! Isn t that punishment enough ? (From the hall come NANCY and SYLVIA, both of them in pretty summer frocks. NANCY has in her hand the contract offered her by GILLETTE and has evidently been considering it.) NANCY. Hello, girls. EVERYBODY. Hello, Nancy; hello, Sylvia. NANCY. Mr. Gillette, there s a photographer out side who wants to see me. GILLETTE. It s the man to take the photographs for that Syndicate story. NANCY. Which one? GILLETTE. "A Day in the Life of Major Fair." It s toVshow your domestic side. NANCY. Oh, I don t know. Girls, don t you think it s rather intimate? MRS. PERRIN. Not at all. MRS. CONVERSE. Go on, Nancy ; be a sport. SYLVIA. (Going to him) Mr. Gillette, what pho tographs are you going to take? GILLETTE. Major Fair with her morning s mail. NANCY. Can t you use that one at my desk that was published ? THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 37 GILLETTE. That ll be fine. Then one in the gar den. NANCY. (Satirically) Another on my knees to the cook. GILLETTE. (Enthusiastically) One in the kitchen would be great stuff. SYLVIA. I had better go out and break it to Hulda. NANCY. She ll say, "Ay ban goin quit." MRS. CONVERSE. Put her in the photograph and she ll stay for life. NANCY. I hope so. She s the seventh in four weeks. GILLETTE. We ll have the first picture in the gar- denT I ll go and arrange it. Come on, Sylvia. NANCY. Don t put me among the lilies. They toil not, neither do they spin. (GILLETTE laughs and exits with SYLVIA to the gar den. MRS. WELLS rises and goes to NANCY, who has joined MRS. CONVERSE. ) MRS. WELLS. Now, Nancy, you re not going to refuse this great opportunity Mr. Gillette s offering you? Think what we could do with the money. NANCY. Reconstruction work in France? MRS. WELLS. No. We could reconstruct some slums in this country. MRS. WYNNE. Great idea, Wellsie! MRS. CONVERSE. Splendid scheme! MRS. PERRIN. It s what we ought to do. MRS. BROWN. And right now. MRS. WELLS. We could keep the unit together. MRS. BROWN. (Rising) I m for that. MRS. PERRIN. (Rising) I m for anything that would give us all something real to do. MRS. WYNNE. You ve said it. NANCY. I can t make up my mind. I don t be- 38 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR lieve Jeff would approve, and unless he did I wouldn t want to go. MRS. WELLS. Wasn t he very proud of your suc cess last night? NANCY. If he was, he has concealed it most care fully. MRS. BROWN. Hasn t he congratulated you? NANCY. Not a congrat. "Kinda" took the joy out of it. MRS. CONVERSE. Don t let that worry you, Nancy. A husband hates to admit that his wife can do any thing. MRS. WELLS. He s likely making himself a bore at the club right now, bragging about you. NANCY. Do you think so? But if I went, what about Sylvia? MRS. WYNNE. Why not take her with you? NANCY. I don t believe she d want to leave her father. And I don t know that I d be happy think ing of Jeff here alone again. MRS. PERRIN. Alan would be here. NANCY. I hadn t thought of that. Well, I ll think it over. MRS. WELLS. Think it over seriously. (SYLVIA appears at the door to the terrace.) SYLVIA. Oh, Mother, Mr. Gillette s ready. NANCY. All right. Come on, girls. How do I look? MRS. BROWN. Fine. MRS. WELLS. Nancy, I ought to go to market and get Gilbert s fruit for breakfast. It s Saturday and all the melons may be sold. NANCY. Oh, Wellsie, you should worry. Give him prunes. THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 39 (The women laugh. NANCY takes MRS. WELLS by the arm and leads her up to door, MRS. WELLS expostulating. They all go down the steps to the garden, talking. NANCY has given SYLVIA the contract. SYLVIA places it on the table and is about to follow the women when ALAN ap pears from the hall. He is in golf clothes.) ALAN. Oh, sis. SYLVIA. What? ALAN. Did you fix it with Peggy? SYLVIA. Yes. She s coming to tea. ALAN. That s great. SYLVIA. Are you going to tell mother and daddy this afternoon ? ALAN. Sure. SYLVIA. Before Peggy arrives? ALAN. No. SYLVIA. You should. ALAN. Not at all. If I tell them I m going to marry a stenographer they might be prejudiced. Once they see her they won t care what she is. SYLVIA. I hope so. ALAN. Oh, she ll bowl them right over as she did me. SYLVIA. Where s Daddy? JEFFREY. (Entering) Right here. SYLVIA. How was your game? JEFFREY. Rotten! Why didn t you and your mother join us at luncheon? SYLVIA. Mr. Gillette came and we couldn t. ALAN. (Sitting) Is that pest here? SYLVIA. (Indignantly) Dudley s not a pest. (Smiling.) He s charming. ALAN. Since when, "Dudley"? SYLVIA. I can t go on calling a man I ve seen al most every day for a month Mr. Gillette. Can I, Daddy? 40 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR ALAN. (Coming over to her) Don t let me catch you flirting with him. SYLVIA. Why, Alan Fair, I don t know how. JEFFREY. Alan, don t talk such damn nonsense. SYLVIA. Thanks, Daddy. (ALAN returns to the armchair.) JEFFREY. Where s your mother? SYLVIA. In the garden, being photographed. JEFFREY. Again? ALAN. What s the idea this time? SYLVIA. It s for a magazine article showing her domestic side. JEFFREY. I hope the camera can find it. (As he passes the table he sees the contract lying on it. He picks it up, sits, and begins to read it.) (SYLVIA goes over to ALAN, who is seated.) SYLVIA. Oh ! Have you seen the afternoon papers ? JEFFREY. We have. SYLVIA. Aren t they wonderful ? (ALAN is silent. SYLVIA goes to JEFFREY. ) Aren t they won derful? (JEFFREY does not answer.) Oh, I think that you are both as mean as you can be about mother! I should think you d be proud of her! JEFFREY. We were. SYLVIA. Why aren t you now? Everybody was crazy about her last night and neither of you so much as congratulated her. ALAN. I couldn t get near her. SYLVIA. You didn t try very hard. And, Daddy, you left us flat and went home with Angy Brice. JEFFREY. Angy was feeling seedy. SYLVIA. Humph ! Maybe. Sometimes I think Angy doesn t like mother. kk THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR " Act 1 42 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR (He laughs. SYLVIA kisses him, then runs down the steps, calling "Oh, Mother!" NANCY and the women who are at the right of the garden call to her. JEFFREY follozvs SYLVIA to the door, where he stands looking off into the garden, from which comes the sounds of laughter and conver sation.) JEFFREY. Gosh, I d like to come into this place just once and not find that bunch of women here. A man would have more privacy in the Grand Cen tral Depot. ALAN. You said it. Whenever mother is at home this house looks like a club women s Old Home Week. JEFFREY. Wouldn t you think, after four years together, they d be tired of each other? (ALAN joins JEFFREY at the door.) ALAN. And the line of flattery they hand out and mother lapping it up like a cat does cream ! JEFFREY. I know. Even a woman as level headed as your mother will soon believe she s the greatest thing in the world. (He goes to the arm chair and sits.) ALAN. Why don t you take her away, out of it all? JEFFREY. She s booked up a month ahead. Ban quets, receptions, although I thought she had been given one by everybody from the Mayor down to the Conductorettes Union. ALAN. And they have almost worn out that Coix de Guerre passing it around from hand to hand. JEFFREY. Yes, and what are you going to do about it? ALAN. Why did you let her start? JEFFREY. Who told me to keep her busy ? THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 43 ALAN. I did I did. I wasn t counting on the endurance of women. If I had hit a gait like mother s JEFFREY. She hasn t rested a day since she ar rived. ALAN. It s a wonder to me that she hasn t had a nervous breakdown. JEFFREY. Son, the only thing that makes a woman have a nervous breakdown nowadays is having to stay at home. (A noise of laughter and high-pitched gabble conies from the garden.) Listen to that cackle. What are they doing ? ALAN. They re leaving. JEFFREY. All of them? ALAN. No. Mrs. Wynne, the bodyguard, is stick ing around. JEFFREY. What s Sylvia doing? ALAN. Standing there, adoring mother as usual. JEFFREY. She is the sweetest kid. ALAN. (Coming to JEFFREY,) She is that. Doesn t even see that mother is neglecting her. Why can t she settle down and devote herself to Sylvia? JEFFREY. She would if it weren t for those women and that damn Gillette! He ll have her signed, sealed and delivered. ALAN. Why don t you tie a can to him? JEFFREY. How? By forbidding him to come here ? My boy, I haven t lived with your mother all these years without realizing that, if you want her to do something, tell her she can t. ALAN. I m "kinda" that way. JEFFREY. Yes. It works with you, too. (They laugh. JEFFREY, rising, sees ANGY, who has come from the left side of the garden, and is now at the top of the steps.) JEFFREY. Hello, Angy! 44 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR ANGY. May I corne in? JEFFREY. Certainly. ANGY. Sure I m not intruding? ALAN. (Sarcastically) Oh, not at all. Won t you sit down ? ANGY. Oh, I simply wanted to see Jeff a min ute ALAN. Might as well be comfortable while you re looking at him. (With elaborate politeness, he indicates the armchair. ANGY looks at him sharply. ALAN smiles sweet ly. ANGY controls her annoyance, smiles at him and sits. JEFFREY, oblivious, sits on the couch on the opposite side of the room. ALAN wan ders over back of ANGY S chair, and takes up his position in the center of the room between ANGY and JEFFREY.,) JEFFREY. All right again? ANGY. Oh, yes. It was very close in the club- room last night. Then I got quite worked up over Mrs. Fair s lecture. It was so harrowing. ALAN. (Very pleasantly) Quite a success, though. ANGY. (Smiling szveetly at him) Yes, being a woman in uniform helped a lot, don t you think? I m sure she ll be a great success on tour. She s so well advertised. You can t pick up a magazine with out seeing your mother s picture under "In the Pub lic Eye." JEFFREY. (Annoyed) She s not on tour yet. ANGY. (Innocently) She s going, isn t she ? ALAN. It isn t decided. ANGY. (Affecting great surprise) Wh, Mr. Gillette told me the other day that it was practically settled. He was afraid that the family might inter fere. I laughed at the idea. Why should you ob- THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 45 ject to Mrs. Fair going away for a few months when she had left you all alone so long? ALAN. That was kind of you to reassure him. ANGY. Of course you could go too, Jeff. JEFFREY. I ? ANGY. (Sympathetically) I suppose it would get tiresome, being merely the husband of Major Fair. JEFFREY. Yes, one can get fed up on it. ANGY. I d be perfectly willing to take charge of Sylvia again. ALAN. Mother hasn t gone yet. ANGY. (Protesting) If she wants to, I think she should. It isn t as though Mrs. Fair were a home body like me, just content to make a man comfort able and happy. You can t expect anyone so bril liant as your mother not to get bored with her home and her family. Not that I m insinuating that she is. ALAN. Oh, no. JEFFREY. (Tired of the discussion) What did you want to see me about, Angy ? ANGY. This letter, but there s no hurry. (There is a pause; ANGY looks at ALAN and turns away, an noyed, ALAN smiles. Finally ANGY, determined to be rid of him, turns and smiles sweetly.) Oh, Alan, been to see your "buddy" lately ? ALAN. (Confused) " Why, yes. ANGY. He must be awfully attractive to have you so devoted to him. (Meaningly.) Sylvia says he has a very charming sister. ALAN. (More confused) Yes yes, he has. JEFFREY. (Rising) What s this I hear? ALAN. (Very much embarrassed) I think I ll go change. (He hurriedly leaves the room. JEF FREY watches, amused. ANGY smiles to herself, pleased at having rid herself of ALAN. JEFFREY goes to ANGY.) JEFFREY. Well, Angy, let me see the letter. ANGY. The letter was only an excuse. I saw, 46 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR those stupid women in the garden and I knew how it bored you to have them around, so I came over to give you an excuse to get away. JEFFREY. Good for you, Angy, but I ll stay here. They have to go home some time, if it s only to sleep. (He goes to a chair below the fireplace, where he sits facing ANGY, who looks annoyed at the failure of her ruse; as JEFFREY turns to her she smiles sweetly.) ANGY. (Sighing) I d like to be celebrated and have women like me. JEFFREY. They do. ANGY. They don t. All their nasty husbands do. JEFFREY. Why aren t you as nice to the wives ? ANGY. I don t get a chance. The husbands al ways grab me and rush me off to a corner. The next man I marry has to build me a house that s per fectly round. I m sick of corners. (JEFFREY laughs.) And I m sick of other women s husbands, too. JEFFREY. Including me? ANGY. I haven t had enough of your society since your wife came home to get tired of you, and as I m not going to have any of it to-day, I may as well go home. (She rises and starts toward the terrace. JEFFREY follozvs her.) JEFFREY. Oh, wait, Angy, I (He stops, ar rested by the appearance of NANCY and MRS. WYNNE entering from the terrace. NANCY is surprised at the sight of ANGY, then conies toward her. NANCY S manner is polite but not cordial.) NANCY. How do you do, Mrs. Brice? Oh, Jeff! I was so sorry we couldn t come to the club. JEFFREY. (Coldly) That s all right. Sylvia ex plained. ANGY. Oh, Mrs. Fair, I don t know what you must have thought of me running away with Jeff last night. NANCY. Didn t even know you did ! THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 47 ANGY. I wanted to stay and tell you how splendid you were, but I was rather upset. MRS. WYNNE. (Smiling) Yes. Don t you hate to hang around where another woman is making the hit? NANCY. That doesn t often happen where Mrs. Brice is. Does it, Jeff? ANGY. Oh, really. NANCY. You will have to excuse me. I have to put on my hat and powder my nose. Come along, Biddy. JEFFREY. Are you going out again, Nancy? NANCY. Yes, dear, going over to the Club. ANGY. Oh, then may I borrow your nice hus band to help me with some stupid business things ? NANCY. If you ll be sure to return him. ANGY. I always have, haven t I ? See you later, Jeff. JEFFREY. If I can manage it. ANGY. Good-bye, Mrs. Wynne ; give my love to dear old Wynne. Good-bye, Mrs. Fair. Hope the photographs are a success. I wish somebody wanted to take mine. It must be lovely to be notorious. (She smiles very sweetly, then goes down the steps through the garden to the left.) NANCY. Sweet woman! MRS. WYNNE. She s some fast worker with the harpon. Bye-bye, Jeff. (She goes. NANCY is fol lowing her, but at the door to the hall she stops, looks at JEFFREY, who is standing at the fireplace, then ad vances toward him.) NANCY. Jeff, dear, why don t you come with us ? JEFFREY. What are you going to do? NANCY. Mr. Gillette wants a photograph of me with my girls on the steps of the clubhouse. JEFFREY. Absurd idea! NANCY. Why, what s absurd about it ? You and 48 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR Alan were photographed in the Father and Son Tournament. JEFFREY. That s different. I m guyed enough by the crowd as it is. I can t pick up a magazine at the club without someone asking me if I m looking for the Major s picture. (He comes to her angrily.) I can t come into this house without falling over a camera, or finding some interviewer smoking my best cigars. NANCY. (Taken aback) I m sorry. I don t know quite how I would explain to Mr. Gillette and the girls that you object JEFFREY. Don t let me embarrass you. If you want to go on making yourself and your family ri diculous, don t let me stop you. (He starts toward the door to the terrace. NANCY is indignant, then controls herself.) NANCY. (Expostulating) Jeff ! JEFFREY. (Turning) Yes? NANCY. I didn t think JEFFREY. No. You never think about anybody but yourself. (NANCY stands, annoyed, hurt, speechless. GIL LETTE enters hurriedly from the terrace.) GILLETTE. Oh, Mrs. Fair (Sees JEFFREY.,) I beg your pardon. JEFFREY. Oh, that s all right. (He goes, meeting SYLVIA at the foot of the steps to the garden. They talk. GILLETTE watches NANCY narrowly. There is a slight pause, then NANCY turns to go.) GILLETTE. Mrs. Fair, are you going to .sign that contract to-day? NANCY. I haven t decided. I ll let you know be fore the day is out. I ll be right down. (She goes, GILLETTE looking after her, annoyed. JEFFREY leaves SYLVIA and goes through the garden in the THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 49 direction taken by ANGY. SYLVIA runs up steps and comes into the room. GILLETTE turns to her.) GILLETTE. Aren t you coming with us ? SYLVIA. No. Miss Gibbs is coming to tea. GILLETTE. Who s she? SYLVIA. Alan s buddy s sister. GILLETTE. (Thoughtfully) Gibbs? What s her brother s name? SYLVIA. Tom Gibbs. GILLETTE. (Quickly) Tom Gibbs? What does he do? SYLVIA. Arrests people. GILLETTE. (Startled) What? SYLVIA. He s a detective. Same thing as a police man, only he doesn t wear a uniform or stand on the corner. GILLETTE. I know what a detective is ! Are these Gibbs friends of yours? SYLVIA. Oh, yes. GILLETTE. That s queer. They don t belong in your set. SYLVIA. Oh, Dudley, you mustn t be a snob. It isn t being done since the war. GILLETTE. What does Miss Gibbs do now? SYLVIA. She is a stenographer. Why are you so interested in her? GILLETTE. Interested in her! With you here! (He goes over to SYLVIA, who is seated in the arm chair. His manner becomes subtly, almost impu dently, familiar. He flatters SYLVIA in order to ex tract information from her.) SYLVIA. You re not interested in me. GILLETTE. I wouldn t dare tell you how much. SYLVIA. Why not ? GILLETTE. Your mother wouldn t like it. SYLVIA. She s not here. GILLETTE. But she will be. Think your mother will sign that contract? 50 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR SYLVIA. I don t know. (Girlishly, but not flirta tiously) Why don t you tell me why you re inter ested in me ? GILLETTE. (Leaning over the arm of chair.) Don t tempt me, you little siren. SYLVIA. I m not. GILLETTE. You re a regular little baby vamp. SYLVIA. You mustn t. You re dreadfully bold. GILLETTE. You like it, don t you ? SYLVIA. Uh huh. (Giggling.) It s funny, but you shouldn t GILLETTE. (Leaning over so that his face is very close to SYLVIA S,) You shouldn t be so fascinating. (SYLVIA is a little embarrassed, but is enjoying it. GILLETTE, feeling that he has impressed her suffi ciently, turns away and in business-like tone and man ner begins to question her.) Has your mother said anything about signing the contract? SYLVIA. (Disappointed) I don t know. (She rises slowly and goes to the mantel, her back toward GILLETTE, who is not looking at her.) GILLETTE. Do you think your father will object? SYLVIA. (Impatiently) I don t know. GILLETTE. Do you think that Alan will put his oar in to prevent your mother SYLVIA. (Angrily) Oh, I don t know! (She stamps her foot and starts to go. GILLETTE realizes his mistake.) GILLETTE. Why, Sylvia, what s the matter? SYLVIA. (Flaring out) Oh, it s always mother, mother, mother. I m sure Alan needn t worry about my flirt (She stops abruptly and turns away, confused. GILLETTE smiles.) GILLETTE. About your what? SYLVIA. Oh, nothing. GILLETTE. Flirting with me? SYLVIA. I didn t say it. GILLETTE. You were going to. THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 51 SYLVIA. I won t tell you. (Very much embar rassed, she runs away to the other side of the room. GILLETTE loo-ks at her as though what she had said had given him an idea.) GILLETTE. (Slowly) It had never occurred to me. (SYLVIA turns quickly.) I mean, that you would. SYLVIA. Well, I wouldn t, Mr. Dudley Gillette, so there ! (She goes toward the door to the hall. GIL LETTE is much amused. NORA shows in PEGGY GlBBS.J SYLVIA. Oh, Peggy, dear! Nora, tell Mr. Alan that Miss Gibbs is here. (NoRA exits. GILLETTE has turned and starts slight ly at the sight of PEGGY, who is a girl of twenty- five, sincere, clear-thinking, practical, yet not lacking in feminine charm and humor. She wears a severely plain yet modish frock.) SYLVIA. Peggy, may I present Mr. Gillette? GILLETTE. (Bowing) Miss Gibbs. PEGGY. (Pussled) I think we ve met before. GILLETTE. (On his guard) Really? SYLVIA. Where? PEGGY. At the War Relief Bazaar in 1914. I was a volunteer there. SYLVIA. The one there was all the scandal about ? GILLETTE. (Casually) I do remember something about it. But I wasn t in New York then. PEGGY. Then I m mistaken. GILLETTE. (Impressively) Yes. I m sure if I ever had the pleasure of meeting you it would have been utterly impossible for me to forget you. (PEGGY, annoyed at the flattery, turns away. SYLVIA is pleased and smiles at GILLETTE. NANCY en ters, wearing a hat, carrying gloves and a para sol. She is followed by MRS. WYNNE.,) 52 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR NANCY. I m ready, Mr. Gillette. SYLVIA. Oh, Mother (NANCY turns SYLVIA and PEGGY advance to her.) NANCY. (Shaking hands) Oh, is this Miss Gibbs ? Sylvia told me you were coming to tea. I m so glad to meet you. I ve heard of you from Sylvia and of course Alan s told me all about your wonder ful brother. PEGGY. This is a great pleasure for me. I ve heard so much of you and I ve been so thrilled by all the great things you ve done. NANCY. Oh, Sylvia, isn t that sweet ! Oh, Biddy, isn t that charming! (To PEGGYJ This is Mrs. Wynne, one of my unit. I wonder if you are going to be very generous and forgive me if I run away for a few minutes ? Something unexpected and im portant. I ll hurry back as fast as I can, for I want to have a real visit with you. PEGGY. Of course. Don t let me interfere. NANCY. That s all very understanding of you. I won t be ten minutes. Sylvia will take excellent care of you. (She goes, followed by MRS. WYNNE and GILLETTE. They disappear through the garden, PEGGY watching them from the door as they go.) SYLVIA. Well? PEGGY. Oh, Sylvia, she s charming. SYLVIA. Have I said too much about her? PEGGY. Not half enough. (ALAN, in immaculate flannels, comes rushing in from the door to the hall.) ALAN. Peggy! (PEGGY turns. ALAN goes to her quickly and puts his arms around her.) Don t look, Sylvia. PEGGY. (Expostulating) Oh, Alan! THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 53 (ALAN kisses her.) ALAN. Now, where s mother ? SYLVIA. She s gone to be photographed at the Club. ALAN. What! That s the limit! Didn t she know Peggy was coming? PEGGY. I ve just met her and she s made her ex cuses and is coming right back. ALAN. Oh ! PEGGY. You d better | Oh." Sylvia, has he al ways spoken before he thinks? SYLVIA. Always. ALAN. Where s Dad? SYLVIA. I ll get him. He is at Mrs. Brice s. (She goes.) PEGGY. Oh, Alan, I m going to love your mother. I hope she likes me. ALAN. You should worry. PEGGY. That s just what I m doing worrying. ALAN. Well, if anybody in my family doesn t like you, you know what they can do, don t you? PEGGY. Yes. Make it distinctly uncomfortable for you. ALAN. Well, anyway, I m going to announce our engagement to-day. PEGGY. Why, if Sylvia had told me that I wouldn t have come. She said that you simply wanted to in troduce me to your father and mother. ALAN. I didn t tell her in what capacity. PEGGY. Please, Alan, let your mother get to know me first. If you thrust me at her it may prejudice her. ALAN. Nonsense. What s more, I m going to tell them that we are to be married right away. PEGGY. We are not. I m not going to be rushed into marriage. 54 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR ALAN. Rushed? Why, I ve known you eight weeks. PEGGY. Yes, you had me engaged to you before I knew what was happening to me. ALAN. Only way to handle you. If you get too much time to think PEGGY. I m going to have a good long think be fore I get married. ALAN. It s cold, then. Good-bye, darling. (He moves away. PEGGY follows him.) PEGGY. Oh, be sensible. How can we be mar ried? ALAN. Why, you have a license and a ring and a minister PEGGY. Yes, and money that you ve earned, not that you get from your father. ALAN. Don t need his money. I ve got a job. PEGGY. What? What sort of a job? ALAN. That s my secret. PEGGY. Oh, is it so bad that you re ashamed of it? ALAN. Bad enough to pay me thirty dollars a week! PEGGY. I knew that you had hypnotic charm for women. What did you do to the man? Frighten him? ALAN. No. He used to be my top sergeant. PEGGY. Oh, that explains it. ALAN. I thought you d be pleased. PEGGY. Did he get himself a little job? Oh, dar ling, I m only funning. I m very proud of you. ALAN. Then you ll marry me? PEGGY. Can t we wait until ALAN. Look here. I postponed our marriage to wait for a family reunion that didn t "reune." Then I had to wait until I got a job. Well, I have one. Now it s up to you. If you don t want to marry me, say so. THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 55 PEGGY. I do, Alan. You know I do. But I want your father and mother to appprove. There is a chance they mightn t like me. ALAN. You re not marrying them. Who are you marrying, darling? PEGGY. (Mischievously) None of your business. ALAN. Just for that, you sassy little devil (He tries to take PEGGY in his arms. She dodges and runs away. ALAN catches her and swings her around into his arms. They are laughing and strug gling, their backs to the door to the terrace at which JEFFREY appears. He stands amazed at what seems to be ALAN S efforts to kiss a girl against her will. He frowns in annoyance and starts toward them.) JEFFREY. (Sharply) Alan ! ALAN. (Over his shoulder) It s all right, Dad. We re engaged. (PEGGY, who has ceased to struggle at the sound of JEFFREY S voice, is kissed by ALAN, then released. She is much embarrassed. ALAN crosses to JEFFREY, leading PEGGY by the hand.) Dad, this is Peggy. JEFFREY. Peggy ? ALAN. Peggy Gibbs. JEFFREY. (Coldly) How do you do, Miss Gibbs ? PEGGY. Mr. Fair. ALAN. Well, Dad, I suppo se you re surprised. JEFFREY. (Sarcastically) Has the engagement just occurred? ALAN. Oh, no ; it s a month old. JEFFREY. Really, Alan, I ALAN. Dad, don t be hurt because we didn t tell you. PEGGY. Alan didn t want to spoil his mother s home-coming by the announcement. ALAN. It wasn t my idea at all : it was Peggy s. JEFFREY. Why should this engagement distress your mother? 56 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR ALAN. You see, Dad, Peggy is my "buddy s" sister. JEFFREY. Yes ? PEGGY. Oh, Alan, let us be frank. (To JEF FREY,) It annoys him when I say it, but I m not of your class. I m a stenographer. ALAN. (Proudly) She s a private secretary. JEFFREY. What is the difference? PEGGY. Twenty dollars a week. JEFFREY. Thank you ; I deserved that. ALAN. Well, Dad, are you for me or "agin" me ? JEFFREY. That depends. ALAN. On what? PEGGY. (Hastily) On me. You can t expect your father to give a snap judgment on a person he has just met. Suppose you leave us together so that we can have a little talk. (She moves away.) JEFFREY. A very good idea. (ALAN goes to PEGGY.) ALAN. (Whispering) Don t be nervous, dear. Dad s aces. (He kisses PEGGY, then goes to JEF FREY.) Now, Dad, no heavy father stuff. (He leaves them.) JEFFREY. Won t yon be seated ? PEGGY. Thank you. (She sits on the couch. JEFFREY brings a chair and sits facing her.) JEFFREY. Well, Miss Gibbs? PEGGY. To begin with, Mr. Fair, my family and I are, socially speaking, a total loss. JEFFREY. In what way? PEGGY. My father is the village postman. My brother is now in the Detective Bureau, but was a policeman. JEFFREY. I see. PEGGY. (Drily) Yes, I thought you would. My THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 57 mother does her own work, but the weekly washing is sent out. JEFFREY. Very interesting, especially that bit about the laundry. PEGGY. I graduated from High School, then went to Brown s Business College. I am now employed at forty dollars a week as a private secretary in the office of a firm of lawyers, O Brien and Rosenweber. JEFFREY. I know of them. PEGGY. I am twenty-three years old, quite healthy, am supposed to have a good disposition. Oh, there is one thing more: I m a suffragette, and while I am not militant, I do parade. I believe that is all. JEFFREY. And you have Thursdays off? My dear Miss Gibbs, I m not interviewing you as a prospec tive servant, but as a possible daughter-in-law. PEGGY. Well, you wanted to know about me, didn t you ? JEFFREY. You suggested the interview. I appre ciate that it s a very difficult one for you. It isn t exactly easy for me. Yet, if I didn t learn some thing of the girl my son wishes to marry, I would be failing in my duty as a father, wouldn t I ? PEGGY. Yes. JEFFREY. Why are you so on the defensive? PEGGY. Possibly because I m a little afraid. JEFFREY. Surely not of me ? Unless you re mar rying Alan for PEGGY. For money and this sort of thing? No! Not that I wouldn t like it and enjoy it, but only if Alan earned it. And he will in time. He s made a start He has a job. JEFFREY, Why didn t he come to me for a po sition ? PEGGY. Oh^ Mr. Fair, please don t help him. That would spoil all my plans. JEFFREY. (Surprised) How ? 58 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR PEGGY. It s better for him to be entirely on his own. JEFFREY. (Puzzled) Why ? PEGGY. The dear boy is full of the brotherhood of man. He got that from the trenches, and if he is going to keep it, it s necessary for him to live simply for a time at least. JEFFREY. Sounds to me like a very serious court ship. PEGGY. Is anything more serious than marriage] I m scared to death of it. JEFFREY. (Amused) Why ? PEGGY. I have to give up a great deal of my lib erty and I want to be sure it s worth it. Oh, dear life and what to do with it and Alan s problem anc mine seems so much simpler on our back veranda I suppose my family are right. JEFFREY. (Surprised) Doesn t your family ap prove of the marriage? PEGGY. Not at all. JEFFREY. (Indignantly) Well, I Don t the} like my son? (He rises.) PEGGY. (Smiling) I like you for that. JEFFREY. (Sputtering) Well, I PEGGY. Oh, they are devoted to Alan, but the) can t see any happiness in the marriage for me They re afraid that the two families won t harmon ize. JEFFREY. That s true; they mightn t. (There i: a slight pause.) It seems to me you love my son. PEGGY. Very much. JEFFREY. Then if I were Alan and you were you I d marry you and say damn the families. PEGGY. Oh, Mr. Fair! (She rises impulsively starts as though to embrace him, catches herself anc recedes a little. JEFFREY follows her, inviting her U embrace him. They laugh.) THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 59 JEFFREY. Now we will put Alan out of his misery. (Calls) Alan! Come here, young man. (ALAN, who has been in the hall awaiting the ver dict, comes in quickly. He looks anxiously at JEFFREY.,) ALAN. Well? JEFFREY. Son, I hope you appreciate how lucky you are. ALAN. (Joyfully) Dad ! (He goes quickly to PEGGY./ Excuse us. (He kisses her.) JEFFREY. I could do with one myself. (PEGGY crosses to JEFFREY and offers her lips to him shyly. He kisses her tenderly.) Now, young man, what is this job? ALAN. It s with the Iverson Construction Com pany. Time-keeper. JEFFREY. Well, you held the interscholastic record of America for wasting time. It s up to you to keep a little. ALAN. Dad, that s pretty awful. JEFFREY. Peggy smiled. ALAN. Brazen truckling to her father-in-law. SYLVIA. (Running in) Is it all right? JEFFREY. If you mean Peggy, she s very much all right. SYLVIA. (Delightedly) Oh, wait until you know her. Now I wish mother would come. JEFFREY. So she went to the club after all. SYLVIA. Yes. She won t be long. (She goes up to the door to the terrace and looks off toward the entrance to the garden.) JEFFREY. (Annoyed) Did she know that Peggy was coming here this afternoon? PEGGY. (Hastily) Oh, yes, I met Mrs. Fair and she explained. 60 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR JEFFREY. Left you here. That s most annoying. SYLVIA. Here is mother now. (NANCY hurries in.) NANCY. You see, Miss Gibbs, I haven t been long. Oh, you haven t had tea. Sylvia, clear, take mother s things and tell them to bring tea right in. (SYLVIA, taking NANCY S hat and gloves, runs out. NANCY goes to the telephone on the table.) I must phone to the Colony Club right away. JEFFREY. (Irritably) Can t that wait? NANCY. It s very important. JEFFFREY. (Severely) More important than to pay some attention to the girl your son is going to marry ? (NANCY looks at JEFFREY, dazed, then slowly turns her regard upon PEGGY, then on ALAN.^ NANCY. Alan, how long have you been engaged? ALAN. Since the day before you came home. NANCY. A ntonth ago. Why didn t you tell me ? PEGGY. I m to blame, Mrs. Fair. I didn t want Alan to tell you because I feared it might distress you and spoil your home-coming. NANCY. Why should it do either ? ALAN. Peggy s afraid that because she s a sten ographer you NANCY. What right had Miss Gibbs to judge how I would receive the news of my son s engagement? PEGGY. I can see now what I did might be mis judged, but really my motives ALAN. It isn t necessary to explain your motives. JEFFREY. I can vouch for Peggy. ALAN. Thank you, Dad, but no one needs to vouch for her. The fact that I am going to marry THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 61 her, that Sylvia loves her, and that you approve, should be enough for mother. (NANCY flinches, but is so shocked by the news that she says nothing, simply looks at ALAN. Her eyes fill with tears, her lips quiver, and to con ceal her emotion she turns away and goes to the door to the terrace.) PEGGY. Mrs. Fair, I know what you are thinking feeling. (NANCY is silent. PEGGY, distressed, turns to . JEFFREY.,) It is much better that I should go- JEFFREY. Perhaps it would be as well. Alan, take Peggy to the station. (ALAN and PEGGY go. NANCY turns, stretches out her hand as if to stop them. Then, covering her face with her hands, she stands crying silently. JEFFREY, ashamed of his outburst, manlike takes refuge in irritation. He goes to the table, picks up a paper and sits, making a pretence of read ing. He waits, expecting NANCY to speak, then breaks the silence.) JEFFREY. You ve made a nice mess of things. NANCY. (Surprised) I ? JEFFREY. Yes. If you hadn t been so keen on publicity, all this needn t have happened. NANCY. (Coming toward him) Do you suppose if I had been told why Miss Gibbs was coming here that I would have allowed a stupid photograph to in terfere? Isn t Alan s engagement something that could have been told me without shocking me, be wildering me so that Oh, you ve made me seem ungracious to my boy. It was wicked, cruel of you. (She turns away and sits on the couch, crying.) 62 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR JEFFREY. How did I know you were going to take it like this? NANCY. What did you expect me to do? JEFFREY. Open your arms to her as any mother should. NANCY. How long have you known of this en gagement ? JEFFREY. Not until to-day. NANCY. And did you welcome her with out stretched arms at once? JEFFREY. Frankly, I was surprised ! But aft er I had had a talk with her NANCY. Exactly. You had an opportunity to judge of her before you gave your approval, but I am expected to give at once the son I ve loved, watched over, prayed for, to a girl of whom I know nothing. JEFFREY. I told you I vouched for her. (NANCY, in a rage, springs to her feet.) NANCY. What s that to me ? He s my son, too. JEFFREY. That s jealousy talking. NANCY. Is it strange that I should be jealous? Isn t it hard for any mother at first to give her son to another woman ? If Alan had had any right feel ing for me he would have told me tenderly, tactfully, that he loved someone else more than me. Instead, he let you thrust the fact at me. I don t know what I have ever done that he should have told you, even Sylvia, before me ; made me feel like an outsider. JEFFREY. Who is to blame for that? You put yourself outside your home. You can t hope to re ceive Alan s confidence if you are never here to get it. You can t go on neglecting you/ family NANCY. (Indignantly) What? I give up every body and everything belonging to me and endure privations, horrors, because I think it s my greatest THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 63 duty, and then I am neglecting my family! (Bit terly) My family seems to have gotten along very well without me. Ever since I came home you and Alan have resented everything I ve done. JEFFREY. We don t approve of what you ve been doing. (He rises and begins to pace up and down.) NANCY. (Scornfully) Approve! Must I secure the approval of my husband and my son for what I think best to do? JEFFREY. Your desire to appear in public, for in stance ? NANCY. (Very calmly) If you had been over seas and had been urged to appear in public, would you have had to ask my approval? No. It would have been the perfectly natural thing for you to do. JEFFREY. It s not the same thing. NANCY. Because I m a woman. Well, this war has settled one thing definitely. A woman s work counts for just as much as a man s and she is en titled to all the rewards it brings her. (Her calm ness maddens JEFFREY. He advances on her furi ously.) JEFFREY. You ve done your duty by your coun try, but, by God, you re capitalizing it. NANCY. (Turning upon him) Jeffrey! JEFFREY. Ever since you ve been home you ve thought of everything but your duty to your family. All you think of is your appearance at public func tions, getting your name and photograph in print. Can you deny that you are eager to sign that con tract so that you can make a triumphant tour of the country, telling the great American public how you helped win the war? Well, you ll put an end to all this publicity. You ll stop all these ridiculous lec tures. You ll tear up that contract. You ll give up this tour and remain where you belong. NANCY. (Very quietly) And why must I do all this? Why must I remain here where I belong? 64 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR JEFFREY. (Emphatically) Because I am your husband and I forbid you to go. (They look at each other for an instant in silence. JEFFREY, feeling that he is master of the situa tion, walks slowly away and stands at the fire place, his back toward NANCY, who smiles satiri cally, then goes quietly to the table. She sits, draws the contract, which is on the table, to her, and signs it. At the sound of the scratching of her pen JEFFREY turns quickly. He crumples the folded newspaper in his hand and throws it irritably on the chair. NANCY rises. They are standing facing each other in defiance as the CURTAIN FALLS THE THIRD ACT The sitting-room of JEFFREY FAIR S apartment in a Nezv York hotel. The decorations, furnishings and appointments are tasteful, luxurious and characteristic of a modern "smart" hotel. On the left are double doors to the private hall and a door to a bedroom; at the back is a large win dow and at the right a fireplace and a door to another bedroom. A console table with a mir ror over it stands against the right wall below the fireplace, in front of which is a Lawson sofa. On the opposite side of the room is a writing desk, near the window a small table with a tele phone, and in the centre an oval table to the left of which is an armchair. There is a small chair in front of the desk, another at the window and a third at the back of the centre table. There are no photographs, books nor flozvers; in fact, there is a noticeable lack of any attempt to create a homelike atmosphere, and, although the room is brilliantly lighted, the curtains drawn and a fire in the grate, the effect is one of dreari ness in contrast to the charm in the environment in the preceding acts. It is an evening in Octo ber. As the curtain rises JEFFREY enters from the door at the right of the room. He wears infor mal evening dress and carries an overcoat and a hat which he places on the sofa. Then going to the doors to the hall, he opens them, showing across the hall a door, on which he knocks. 65 66 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR There is a slight pause and he knocks again, call ing, "Sylvia." There is no response. He opens the door, looks into the room, then closing the door returns and goes to the telephone. JEFFREY. Give me the desk, please. (A pause.) Is this the desk? This is Mr. Fair speaking. Are you quite sure my daughter did not leave a note for Mrs. Fair? If you find one, send it up. By the way, what is the correct time ? Nine twenty-three. Thank you. (JEFFREY sets his watch, then takes a cigarette, lights it and sits on the couch. His attitude is one of deep dejection. There is a slight pause, then ALAN enters from the room at the right.) JEFFREY. (Turning to him) Well, son? ALAN. (Happily) It s all right. JEFFREY. Made it up with your mother ? (ALAN nods.) That s fine. Did she mention Mrs. Fair, Jr. ? ALAN. Yes. She inquired very cordially for Peggy. (He sits.) JEFFREY. Did she accept Peggy s invitation for dinner ? ALAN. She couldn t.- Her secretary reminded her that she was to be the guest of honor at some ban quet or other. JEFFREY. (Satirically) I suppose that s why she came home. ALAN. Why wasn t Sylvia here to meet mother? JEFFREY. She wasn t expected until the day after to-morrow and Sylvia had made a dinner engage ment that she didn t care to break. ALAN. That s queer. I wonder if they ve had a quarrel ? JEFFREY. What gave you that idea? ALAN. Well, Peggy and I have never been able THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 67 to get anything out of Sylvia as to why she remained only a month on tour with mother. JEFFREY. I can understand just what happened. Her mother was entertained a great deal. That was :>art of the game of being the famous Mrs. Fair. It wasn t possible to include Sylvia in all of the func- :ions. Naturally she was bored. So she came home. ALAN. Considering they haven t seen each other For two months and that this is mother s first night at home, it is very selfish of Sylvia not to give up one party. JEFFREY. (Irritably) Sylvia s had to make her ife without her mother and can t be expected to drop everything whenever she chooses to appear on the scene. ALAN. All right, Dad, all right. You are so ouchy about Sylvia. JEFFREY. You ve shown a disposition of late to criticize your sister, and I don t like it. ALAN. Don t let us scrap about Sylvia. I m sorry f I have seemed unkind. But you know, Dad, you are spoiling her. JEFFREY. Oh, Hell, why not? A man s got to lave some woman to spoil. Sylvia s sweet and lov- ng to me. I was mighty glad to have her home again. It would have been a damn sight better for me if I had never let her go away. ALAN. Now with mother at home, I suppose you ll give up these rooms and go back to the coun- ry? JEFFREY. She s going on another tour. (He rises ind begins to walk about the room restlessly.) ALAN. I am disappointed. Damn Gillette. JEFFREY. It isn t his fault. ALAN. (Surprised) You re not sticking up for nm? JEFFREY. He s not a bad sort when you get to mow him. 68 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR ALAN. You don t like him? JEFFREY. No. But I no longer hold him respon sible for your mother going lecturing. If it hadn t been he it would have been some other manager. ALAN. Gillette s around here a good deal, isn t he ? JEFFREY. Yes. (Bitterly.) I wouldn t deprive Sylvia from seeing a man who knows a damn sight better what her mother s doing than I do. (He sits behind.) ALAN. Sylvia is around with Gillette and his crowd a lot, isn t she? JEFFREY. Yes, he s been very kind to her. He s introduced her to his friends. ALAN. You ve met them? JEFFREY. Casually. ALAN. Dancing a good deal, isn t she? JEFFREY. Everybody does. Keeps good hours, al ways tells me where she s going. ALAN. Where is she to-night? JEFFREY. I ought to know. I don t remember. (Defiantly) Why? ALAN. (Apologetically) Oh, nothing. It s get ting late and I wondered if I would see her before I go home. JEFFREY. (Smiling) She ll come toddling in soon, bless her. I hope she s had a good time. ALAN. By the way, what s become of Angy Brice? Sylvia never mentions her. JEFFREY. (Slightly confused) She hasn t seen Mrs. Brice. Don t you remember I had this place ready for Sylvia when she came home? I thought she d find the country dull without her mother. (Slightly embarrassed, he picks up a magazine, turns over its leaves. ALAN watches him narrowly as JEF FREY replies to his questions.) ALAN. (Casually) Hasn t Mrs. Brice been in town? JEFFREY. Yes. THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 69 ALAN. Have you seen her? JEFFREY. (Carelessly) Occasionally. ALAN. Odd Sylvia hasn t looked her up. They used to be such great pals. JEFFREY. Angy s too old for Sylvia, and Sylvia s made new friends. ALAN. (Disarmed) When mother goes, Peggy and I must see Sylvia oftener. I m afraid we ve been rather selfish. JEFFREY. Every newly married couple has that right. My boy, if your wife wants to associate with you, don t discourage her. ALAN. Peggy works all day. I study all evening, so we don t have time to get bored with each other. JEFFREY. I wish Peggy would give up her job. What the devil s the good of all my money? I can t spend it all on Sylvia. ALAN. Well, Dad, if a wife wants to work these days, you have to let her. JEFFREY. Yes, but sometimes I wonder in this modern scheme of things where in hell the husband belongs. ALAN. Why don t you put up an argument about this new tour? JEFFREY. I put up a good one once, but she went, didn t she? No, son. ALAN. (Eagerly) Perhaps if I talked to her JEFFREY. (Rising) Don t you complicate things with her by trying to force anything for me. Let me give you a bit of advice. Never try to play God for your family. You only raise the devil. ALAN. Very well, Dad, you know best. JEFFREY. (Ruefully) Son, I don t know anything any more. Don t you worry about me. So long as I have Sylvia I can stagger along. (He crosses and gets his hat and coat.) ALAN. (Surprised) Are you going out? JEFFREY. Yes. 70 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR ALAN. (Rising) But mother? JEFFREY. I wouldn t dream of intruding. She took great pains to tell me at dinner that she had a stack of mail waiting for her a mile high. Can I drop you at the subway? ALAN. I m not going home. Peggy s at the office to-night, working on an important case. I m going to call for her. Anyway, I think I ll leave a little line for Sylvia. JEFFREY. (Pleased) Fine ! Good night. ALAN. Good night. JEFFREY. Give my love to Peggy. (He turns to leave the room, stops, hesitates, turns to ALAN.J Tell her if she wants me to-morrow night, I d be very glad to come. ALAN. (Going to him quickly) Why, Dad, we always want you. (JEFFREY takes ALAN S outstretched hand, puts his arm around his shoulder.) JEFFREY. (Smiling) Good night. (He goes.) (ALAN -watches him. His lips quiver; there are tears in his eyes. He brushes them away and is -start ing towards the desk, when from the door at the left of the room NANCY enters. She wears a simple evening gown.) NANCY. Oh, Alan, I m so glad you haven t gone. I have been thinking it over and I m not going to that boring banquet. I m going to dine with you instead. ALAN. That s bully of you, Mother. But it isn t necessary. You can come another night. NANCY. No, no. I insist. I want to telephone your wife now. ALAN. Peggy s not at home. She s at the office to-night. I m going down to fetch her. THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 71 NANCY. I ve a nice idea. I wonder if she would be too tired to drop in on the way home? ALAN. (Surprised) To-night ? NANCY. It s early, and (Shyly) if Peggy is willing, I d love to kiss and make up. ALAN. Mother ! (He goes quickly to NANCY and takes her in his arms. She begins to cry. He kisses her and soothes her.) NANCY. My boy, my boy ! ALAN. (Very much affected) There there mother. NANCY. Alan, promise me you ll never be on the "outs" with me again? ALAN. I won t. I won t. NANCY. It s almost made an old woman of me. ALAN. It s been tough on me. I was wrong. NANCY. No, no, I was to blame. ALAN. I won t stand for that. NANCY. Oh, my dear, it doesn t matter who was wrong, so that it s all right now. ALAN. You bet it is, but but NANCY. We won t spoil this by any post-mor tems. (She kisses him.) Did you see your father? ALAN. Yes. NANCY. Where is he? ALAN. He went out. NANCY. (Disappointedly) Oh ! ALAN. He thought you~were too busy to be dis turbed. NANCY. I sent my secretary away, but it doesn t matter. ALAN. I must go for Peggy. She ll be on her ear. NANCY. Don t you think you had better rescue her ? Now hurry right back. Oh, Alan, I have some- 72 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR thing for her and I want you to see if you think she will like it. (Tenderly.) I m going to see you and Peggy very often before I go away again. ALAN. When do you go? NANCY. I don t know just what arrangements Mr. Gillette has made. He is coming to see me about them to-night. ALAN. Mother, do you think you ought to go ? I mean ought to come to us instead of to that ban quet? NANCY. That s all settled. I put them on the trail of another celebrity. (She laughs and goes into her room. ALAN is smil ing happily, humming a little tune, when the doors to the hall open and SYLVIA enters. She is completely transformed. In dress, coiffure and manner, she is the modern "cutie." Her face is rouged, her lips painted. On her head at a rakish angle is an ermine toque and wrapped about her throat is an ermine stole. She saun ters over to the mirror at the right, greeting ALAN as she passes him.) SYLVIA. (Indifferently) Hello, Alan. ALAN. Hello, Sylvia. SYLVIA. Mother here yet? ALAN. Yes. SYLVIA. ("Primping") What about friend wife? ALAN. It s all right. (Indignantly.) Why weren t you here to meet mother ? SYLVIA. (Carelessly) I had a very special date. ALAN. (Disgustedly) With that Gillette, I sup pose. SYLVIA. That s my affair. ALAN. How you or anyone else can SYLVIA. (Crossly) Alan Fair, don t you dare to knock Gillie. You don t like him I do. THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 73 (Enter NANCY, smiling happily. She sees SYLVIA and is so shocked by the change in her appear ance that she stops, speechless. The little jewelry box that she is carrying falls from her hand. SYLVIA, quite oblivious of the effect she has made on NANCY, runs towards her.) SYLVIA. Oh, hello, Mother. (NANCY cannot speak. SYLVIA, surprised, stops. There is a slight pause.) NANCY. (Inarticulately) Sylvia! (Heart-brok enly) Sylvia ! Sylvia ! (She rushes to SYLVIA, folds her in her arms, kiss ing her frantically. SYLVIA is happy, but rather puzzled.) SYLVIA. I was awfully sorry not to be here. You got my note? NANCY. No. SYLVIA. Isn t that the limit? I gave it to the clerk myself. I ll just ask him "what s the idea." (She turns toward the telephone, and sees a hat box on the table.) Oh, the darn thing came at last. (She opens the box and takes out a "freakish" hat.) I was going to wear this to-night. (She holds it up admir ingly.) Isn t that a sweetie ? ALAN. (Disgustedly) Where did you get it? SYLVIA. (Going to the mirror) At Francine s. She makes for all the smart chorus girls. (She puts it on, then strikes a pose.) How do I look? ALAN. Just like a movie "cutie." NANCY. (Reprovingly) Alan ! SYLVIA. Oh, Mother, don t mind Alan. He s al ways knocking my taste in clothes. (She is furious, and, snatching the hat off her head, throws it into 74 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR the box and tosses it into a corner of the room. As she turns away, NANCY, who has been watching her in amazement, goes to ALAN.J NANCY. Oh, what have you all done to her ? ALAN. It isn t our fault. NANCY. No, it s mine. (A slight pause.) Alan, say good night to your sister. SYLVIA. Where s daddy? ALAN. He s gone out. Mad? SYLVIA. (Kissing him) Not so you d notice it. ALAN. See you later, Mother. (He goes.) NANCY. Well, darling, glad to have your mother home again? SYLVIA. Believe me, I am. (She is wearing her hair in exaggerated curves over her ears. NANCY puts her hands on either side of SYLVIA S face and pushes the hair gently off her cheeks.) NANCY. Why do you wear your hair like that ? SYLVIA. Everyone in my crowd does. NANCY. Come and sit down. I want to know all that you ve been doing. SYLVIA. I wrote to you. NANCY. Not so often lately. SYLVIA. (Resentfully) With somethin doin every minute I didn t have the time. NANCY. (Quickly) I m not reproaching you, darling. Let s have a nice snuggly time. (She sits in the armchair, taking SYLVIA on her lap. Then drawing SYLVIA S head down on her shoulder, puts her arms about her, kisses her. SYLVIA begins to cry.) SYLVIA. My, I ve missed this. NANCY. (Very much affected) So have I, dear. (She takes her handkerchief and wipes SYLVIA S eyes and at the same time seises the opportunity to re move a little of the rouge from SYLVIA S face and lips.) NANCY. Now let s begin at the beginning. THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 75 SYLVIA. Let s skip the beginning. It was horrid. NANCY. (Surprised) In what way, dear? SYLVIA. I was so lonesome. NANCY. As soon as I knew you were to be at :his hotel, instead of at home, I wired to Bridget Wynne. Didn t she look you up? SYLVIA. Oh, all the women came once. Mrs. Wynne gave me a luncheon and a box party and asked all the girls in our set. It was a perfect lemon. NANCY. How? SYLVIA. For all the attention they gave to me I might as well not have been there. NANCY. Why should they be rude to you ? SYLVIA. They didn t mean to be. I didn t know all the little intimate things they talked about. One girl s mother was doing this for her, and another one s mother was doing that anyway, I felt like an outsider in what should have been my own crowd. When I got home I just bawled my head off, and daddy said we wouldn t bother with any of them again, but it was pretty awful, especially as I didn t lave Angy to fall back on. NANCY. No ? SYLVIA. Daddy said you didn t like me to be inti mate with her. NANCY. I see. Haven t you seen Alan and Peggy ? SYLVIA. It s terribly dull at their flat. They are so crazy about each other that half the time they don t know you re around. (They laugh.) NANCY. Didn t father go about with you ? SYLVIA. Oh, yes, daddy s a darling, but he is old. Gillie s been my life-saver. NANCY. (Mystified) Who is Gillie? SYLVIA. Mr. Gillette. He took me to a tea one day at a dancing place and introduced me to his Friends. When he found I liked them, he said, "Sylvia, this little old town is yours. We ll take it all apart and see what makes it tick." 76 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR NANCY. That doesn t sound like Mr. Gillette. SYLVIA. Oh, he puts on his grand manners with you. You don t know the real Gillie. NANCY. (Thoughtfully) No, I don t believe I do. (A slight pause.) Who are these friends ? SYLVIA. I don t know. Just New Yorkers. NANCY. Has your father met them ? SYLVIA. Oh, yes. NANCY. Has he gone around with you? SYLVIA. Not to the lively parties. NANCY. (Shocked) My dear, who chaperoned you? SYLVIA. A woman pal of Gillie s. NANCY. Is she a married woman? SYLVIA. (Giggling) Is she ? Three times. NANCY. How awful ! SYLVIA. (Protestingly) She s terribly nice. You must know her. So sweet to me. Takes me motor ing in the park almost every afternoon. NANCY. Where did you meet her, dear? SYLVIA. At a party at "The Drowsy Saint." NANCY. Where s that? SYLVIA. It s a new freak place in the Village. NANCY. Who took you there? SYLVIA. Gillie. He s a sweetie lamb, and so gen erous. He spends money like water. NANCY. (Puzzled) He does? SYLVIA. Yes, he s taken me on parties to all the cabarets, V everywhere. NANCY. Does your father know that you go to these places? SYLVIA. Sure. NANCY. He never objects ? SYLVIA. Why should ,he when you go with your own crowd ; there s no harm in them, is there ? NANCY. They are not exactly the places for a girl who has been brought up as you have been. Is Mr. Gillette always your escort to these parties ? THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 77 SYLVIA. (Smiling) He s my "gentleman friend." NANCY. He doesn t make love to you ? SYLVIA. (Giggling) No, but I guess he d like to. NANCY. Darling, you mustn t say such things. It isn t nice. SYLVIA. (Sulkily) Why not? NANCY. Well, nice girls don t that s all. SYLVIA. (Resentfully) What else don t they do? NANCY. (Hesitatingly) Well, dear, they don t go to the places you have been going, and they don t use rouge, or wear hats from Francine s. SYLVIA. All the women in my crowd do. NANCY. Then I think you re going with the wrong crowd. SYLVIA. (Indignantly) How do you know? You ve never seen any of them. They may not be long, but they know how to be kind. NANCY. Sylvia, I m sorry. I don t mean to criti cize SYLVIA. (Rising in a fury of rage) But you are, you are ! Daddy is the only one that never finds fault with me. He s the only one that loves me really. (NANCY, horrified at the implication that she does not love SYLVIA, rises quickly, grasps her in her arms, and almost roughly places her hand over SYLVIA S mouth. She stands there crucified by the realisation of the fact that she has appar ently lost the love of her child.) NANCY. Oh, my dear, my dear never say that to me again. (She pauses a moment, then very ten derly) It isn t always kind to allow you to do just as you please. SYLVIA. (Sullenly) Doesn t everyone else in this family do as they darn please? NANCY. (Hopelessly) Yes, I suppose we do. 78 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR (There is a slight pause. SYLVIA looks defiantly at NANCY, who moves slowly across to the fireplace where she stands, her elbows resting on the man telpiece, her face buried in her hands. The tele phone bell rings sharply. SYLVIA turns quickly to answer it.) SYLVIA. Yes. (Turning to NANCY. ) Dudley s downstairs. If you don t want to be bothered I can see him in the lounge. NANCY. Ask him to come up. SYLVIA. Have Mr. Gillette come right up. (To NANCY,) Were you expecting him ? NANCY. Yes, he s coming to talk to me on busi ness. SYLVIA. I want to talk to him, too, but I hadn t better butt in on your party. NANCY. It won t interfere, dear. SYLVIA. I ve a message for Gillie from the bunch. NANCY. Can t you give it to Mr. Gillette now ? SYLVIA. (Defiantly) Any objection to my seeing him alone? NANCY. Why, none at all, dear ; I ll let you know as soon as we have finished. (The buzzer at the double door sounds.) SYLVIA. Come in. (GILLETTE enters. He wears informal evening dress.) Oh, there you are. I thought you were going with us to dinner to-night. (GILLETTE, who has entered smilingly, frowns in an noyance at SYLVIA, and motions her to silence; then, smiling suavely, advances toward NANCY.,) GILLETTE. Good evening, Mrs. Fair. It s a very great pleasure to see you again. THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 79 (NANCY acknowledges GILLETTE S greeting coldly.) SYLVIA. Mother, when you re through with Gil lie, have them page me in the lounge. I ll go down and hear a little jazz. (She smiles sweetly at GIL LETTE, who, turns and smiles at her. She starts towards the door into the hall. NANCY crosses quickly to her.) NANCY. No, Sylvia, you wait in my room, please. (SYLVIA turns angrily, looks at NANCY; there is a brief clash of wills, then SYLVIA goes into - NANCY S room, slamming the door. NANCY sinks wearily into the chair and sits staring be fore her, lost in thought. GILLETTE places his hat, cane and gloves on the soja, then approaches NANCY.J GILLETTE. (Effusively) Mrs. Fair, I must con gratulate you on the success) of your tour. It was phenomenal. I am proud to have had the privilege of presenting you to the American public. (NANCY makes no reply. GILLETTE looks at her in surprise.) I trust that you have found it agreeable to appear under my management. (There is no response and GILLETTE looks at her again.) I hope our associa tion will continue. I ve secured even better terms for the new tour. (He sits.) NANCY. I am not going on another tour. GILLETTE. (Astounded) You are not going on but, Mrs. Fair, all the arrangements have been made. NANCY. They will have to be cancelled. GILLETTE. But you agreed to it by letter. You phoned me to bring these contracts to-night. NANCY. Things have occurred that have made me change my mind. GILLETTE. Are you dissatisfied with me? 8o THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR NANCY. No. But I can t go on. GILLETTE. You can t mean that you are going to give up all your triumphs? NANCY. (Satirically) "Triumphs !" GILLETTE. Why, Mrs. Fair, I am leaving to-night for Montreal to arrange for your appearance in Can ada. The people in the East haven t heard you talk of your great work. NANCY. Mr. Gillette, there is nothing that could induce me to talk of my great work again. (A pause.) I will be very much obliged if you will bring me an accounting to-morrow. GILLETTE. (Nervously) To-morrow? (He rises quickly.) NANCY. Yes. I think there is about fifteen thou sand dollars due. GILLETTE. (Stammering) Why why I won t be able to make a settlement to-morrow. It will take the bookkeeper several days to make out a state ment. NANCY. Let me have it as soon as possible, as I am going to re-open our house in the country. And now I believe Sylvia has some message for you. I will send her in and you can say good-bye to her. (She rises and goes to the door of her room.) GILLETTE. (Astonished) Good-bye? NANCY. (Turning to him) I think it wiser. Sylvia has been telling me of your kindness to her. I don t wish to seem ungrateful, but I would rather you did not see her again, at least for the present. GILLETTE. (Angrily) Are you insinuating that I am not good enough to associate with your daugh ter? NANCY. I never insinute, Mr. Gillette. If I must speak more plainly, I will, and I hope you will not resent it. GILLETTE. (Rudely) Well NANCY. Sylvia s story of her friendship with you THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 81 has made me realize that you and I have rather dif ferent standards as to the sort of associates and amusements that are suitable for girls of her age and up-bringing. GILLETTE. (Sneeringly) She enjoyed the asso ciates and the amusements. NANCY. Possibly, but I am sure that she will like much more the ones I intend to provide for her from now on. When may I expect the statement ? GILLETTE. The. day after to-morrow. NANCY. Good night, Mr. Gillette. GILLETTE. Good night, Mrs. Fair. (NANCY goes into her room. GILLETTE walks up and down. He is deeply annoyed, worried. En ter SYLVIA. She runs across to him.) SYLVIA. Oh, Gillie, the bunch said to tell you GILLETTE. (Irritably) Oh, hang the bunch ! SYLVIA. Why, Dudley, what s the matter? GILLETTE. Your mother has thrown me down. She has cancelled her tour. SYLVIA. (Surprised) Mother s not going away? GILLETTE. No, and she has put me in an awful hole. SYLVIA. How ? GILLETTE. Oh, you wouldn t understand about business. Where the devil am I going to find fifteen thousand dollars by the day after to-morrow? SYLVIA. I m so sorry you re so worried. GILLETTE. I can do with a little sympathy. She s made me feel like a yellow dog. SYLVIA. Did mother say something unkind to you? GILLETTE. (Bitterly) Did she? She spoke "plainly" and "hoped I wouldn t resent it." Me doing all I could so that you wouldn t be lonely. A lot of thanks I got. Told me I wasn t good enough 82 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR to associate with you. (He laughs.) Well, if she objects to me, what s she going to say about your father and Angy Brice? SYLVIA. Dudley! What do you mean? GILLETTE. The minute your mother s wise, she ll get a divorce. SYLVIA. (Shocked) Divorce ! GILLETTE. Why, you poor kid, aren t you onto your father and Angy Brice? Everybody else in town is. SYLVIA. Oh, I never thought my daddy would go back on me. (Broken-hearted, she sinks into a chair, sobbing.) GILLETTE. Your whole family, has gone back on you. That selfish brother of yours has no time for anybody but his wife. Your mother leaving you alone for years at a stretch, and your father running around with Angy Brice. A lot they care about you. SYLVIA. Nobody wants me. (GILLETTE, suddenly alarmed lest SYLVIA S sobs may be overheard by her mother, crosses quickly to her and quiets her.) GILLETTE. I want you. I m the only one that cares anything about you, and I ve been ordered to say good-bye to you. SYLVIA. (Bewildered) Good-bye? GILLETTE. Yes, you re going to be taken down to the country. SYLVIA. I won t go. GILLETTE. You ll have to go and you ll soon for get all about me. SYLVIA. I won t. GILLETTE. Oh, yes, you will. SYLVIA. I won t. GILLETTE. No? Then prove it. SYLVIA. How ? THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 83 GILLETTE. Come with me to Montreal to-night. SYLVIA. Oh, Dudley ! GILLETTE. We ll be married as soon as we get there. SYLVIA. I couldn t. They d never forgive me. GILLETTE. Sure they will. Didn t they forgive Alan ? Forgive you ! Why, they ll be on their knees to you, and to me, too. SYLVIA. I don t know what to do. GILLETTE. Oh, all right. I might have known you wouldn t come through. You pretend to care for me. It s only a bluff. Well, stay here where nobody wants you. Good-bye. (He makes a pretense^ of leaving hurriedly. SYLVIA rises and runs to him.) SYLVIA. Oh, Dudley, please don t go. GILLETTE. Well, what are you going to do about it? SYLVIA. (Pathetically) You re sure you really want me? GILLETTE. Of course I want you. We can t talk here. Meet me downstairs in the lounge and we will talk it over. Now you won t weaken? (He opens the door to the hall. SYLVIA crosses it to her room. He closes the door and stands for an instant, smiling in triumph as he looks at the door to NANCY S room, then chuckling, goes hurriedly and gets his hat and cane from the sofa, and is starting to leave the room quickly when NANCY enters from her room. He stops and assumes a nonchalant attitude.) NANCY. (Surprised) Oh, Mr. Gillette, where is Sylvia ? GILLETTE. I ve said good-bye to her. She s gone to her room. Good night, Mrs. Fair. NANCY. Good night. 84 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR (GILLETTE bows smilingly and leaves the room, clos ing the door. NANCY stands thinking, then goes towards the door on her way to SYLVIA S room. Her hand is on the knob when the telephone rings sharply, then again. NANCY answers it.) NANCY. Hello. Put her on, please. Who? Mrs. Brice? Oh, this is Mrs. Fair. Yes. I ll give Mr. Fair your message. (Enter JEFFREY .) That was Mrs. Brice on the telephone. JEFFREY. (Surprised) Really? Why, I saw her NANCY. Yes, I know. She said that you had just been there, but she wants to see you to-morrow. JEFFREY. Oh, all right. (He goes towards his room.) Sylvia home? NANCY. Yes, she is in her room. Jeffrey (He stops.) I hardly know how to say it. I understand about Mrs. Brice, but has it ever occurred to you that other people mightn t? JEFFREY. What do you mean ? NANCY. The worst of these platonic friendships is, that people will talk. JEFFREY. Have you heard any talk ? (He places his overcoat and hat on a chair and goes toward NANCY.J NANCY. Well, Bridget Wynne isn t a gossip, but even she wrote to me that you and Mrs. Brice were about a good deal together. JEFFREY. Oh, she is still reporting to her senior officer. (He sits at the right of the table. NANCY sits at the left of it.) NANCY. Jeffrey, frankly, do you think it courte- THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 85 ous to go to see Mrs. Brice a few hours after my arrival ? JEFFREY. You were busy with your own affairs as usual. NANCY. I have some pride. JEFFREY. I don t understand. NANCY. I was very glad to have the excuse of letters so that I need not prolong your boredom at dinner. JEFFREY. I wasn t bored. Sorry if you were. I thought I was very entertaining. You ll have to make allowances for me. I haven t had the advan tage of mingling with the mighty minds of two con tinents. NANCY. Jeffrey, I d like you to be serious. JEFFREY. Oh, haven t we been? I think being told by your wife that you are a bore is fairly seri ous. Still if there s more, let s have it. (There is a slight pause.) NANCY. Jeffrey, long ago we decided that if we ever came to the conclusion that our marriage had been a mistake JEFFREY. I haven t said so. NANCY. Words aren t necessary. Actions some times JEFFREY. When it comes to actions, I haven t for saken my bed and board. NANCY. We needn t go into that. JEFFREY. Pardon me, but that is the crux of the whole affair. NANCY. Oh, no, Jeffrey, your attentions to Mrs. Brice are the crux of the affair. JEFFREY. What right have you to object to any thing I do? NANCY. My right as your wife. JEFFREY. Haven t you forfeited that right? NANCY. How ? JEFFREY. If you prefer the public to your hus- 86 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR band, you mustn t kick at the price you have to pay. NANCY. Meaning that I am not to protest if you choose to make me conspicuous by your attentions to that woman? Really this is delicious. (She laughs, rises and goes to the desk, at which she sits.) JEFFREY. Are you paying me the compliment of being jealous of me? NANCY. Jealous of a man who doesn t want me ! JEFFREY. Oh, Nancy, you know damn well I want you. You may not be jealous of me, but I am of you, and of everything that concerns you. I m jeal ous of your career because it takes you away from me. (He rises.) I tried to live up to our agree ment. Haven t I the right to expect that you d live up to it, too? If it was my job to provide the home, wasn t it your job to take care of it? Had you the right, be honest, Nancy, to go on this tour? You can t be married and be a free agent without making someone suffer. I m so damned sick of my life, as I m living it now but there, I don t want to keep you if you want to be free. (He turns away from NANCY, who rises and follows him quickly.) NANCY. I don t want to be free. (As JEFFREY turns to take her in his anns, she stops him.) Oh, wait, I want to be honest with myself and with you. I couldn t go back to my life as I lived it four years ago. It isn t that I don t want a home. While I was in France there were glorious moments and honors and flattery, but there were nights when I was so sick of the horrors, the pain, the misery, that it seemed to me if I couldn t put my head on your shoulder and cry out the loneliness of my heart against yours I couldn t go on. (JEFFREY takes her in his arms, kisses her.) With death on every side I used to worry for fear you weren t taking 1 care of yourself. They decorated me for bravery. They never knew what a coward I was about you. Why, on this tour the nights when I had had a great sue- THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 87 cess and while people were crowding around me congratulating me, I d see some wife tuck her hand ;hrough her husband s arm, just as I had tucked mine so many times through yours, and she would rot away home with her man and I would go to a onely hotel room and think about you. Then is >vhen I would realize that success meant nothing if [ had to give up you. (She breaks down and cries. JEFFREY S arms are about her. He murmurs her ^ame and kisses her.) JEFFREY. Then, Nancy, I ve got you again. NANCY. Yes, and hang on to me. If I ever try o go away again, lock me up on bread and water. JEFFREY. What about this supplementary tour ? NANCY. (Laughing in hysterical relief) There "ain t going to be no tour." JEFFREY. Fine! When did you decide that? NANCY. To-night. But don t ask me why. JEFFREY. I don t care a damn why, just so you re not going. (He kisses her.) NANCY. Bless you. The first thing we ll do will be to get out of this hole. (She moves away from him.) JEFFREY. I don t believe Sylvia will like the country. NANCY. She ll like it with me. She s going to have all the fun she s missed in four years crowded into as many months. It s going to be very expen sive for you, darling. (She laughs and sits on the sofa. JEFFREY follows her and sits beside her.) JEFFREY. Go as far as you like. NANCY. She and I are going out to-morrow and buy a lot of frills. And if the exchequer runs to it I want new curtains for the living-room and then I am going to give the grandest party for my two daughters ! JEFFREY. (Pleased) You re going to take Peggy up? 88 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR NANCY. No, I m going to try to make her love me, that s all. JEFFREY. She will. After that, what? Remem ber, Nancy, I don t want to tie you down to the home. NANCY. If you can have a career and do your duty to the family too, can t I? I ought to be as smart as you. But you ll help me find some welfare work to keep me and my unit out of mischief, won t you? JEFFREY. Sure. NANCY. That s settled. Oh, Jeff, you are a nice old thing ! (She leans back in his arms.) JEFFREY. Nancy, you re a darling ! NANCY. (Teasingly) And you re quite sure that I am as well suited to you as Angy Brice ? JEFFREY. Oh, forget her. I discharged all my obligations to her to-night. NANCY. I am kind of sorry for poor Angy. (A pause.) Obligations? What obligations? (JEF FREY does not reply. NANCY draws herself away from him; looks at him.)- Has she any real claim on you? Tell me the truth. Tell me the truth. JEFFREY. Nancy, for God s sake, be big enough to understand. NANCY. Oh ! (She shudders away from him, rises, goes to the mantelpiece and buries her face in her hands.) JEFFREY. It was just after you had gone on this tour. You know how we parted. You didn t write to me. I was lonely, reckless. But I ve never loved her. You won t believe it, but I ve never ceased lov ing you. NANCY. Stop, stop! Everything you say only makes it more horrible ! (She moves away from him across the room. JEFFREY rises, moves about and THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 89 finally stands looking into the fireplace. There is silence. Then NANCY goes towards the door to her room. She stops.) I will go West and establish a residence. We won t drag in Mrs. Brice. Your lawyer will make all the necessary arrangements and communicate with me. (She turns to go.) JEFFREY. You re going to divorce me ? NANCY. (Turning to him) You don t think I d go on living with you ? JEFFREY. Nancy,- you re not going to hold me en tirely to blame? You re not going to dodge your own responsibility? NANCY. For what am I responsible? JEFFREY. Surely you don t think my affair with Mrs. Brice was a greater sin against our love than your craving for a career ? NANCY. And surely you are not daring to place me in the same category as yourself? JEFFREY. Why not ? Do you think you can starve my affections, my passion, for years, without moral guilt? NANCY. You must be mad to think such thoughts, and lost to all sense of decency to express them. JEFFREY. I NANCY. I refuse to listen to anything more. All I want to know is, are you going to try to keep me against my will, or must I make a scandal to get free? (JEFFREY is silent.) Surely you don t want to blacken the name of the woman you are going to marry? JEFFREY. I m not going to marry her. She knows* it. I m not in love with her, nor she with me. A sum of money will console her. NANCY. Your bargain with her has no interest for me. You may make what use of your freedom you choose. I mean to have mine. JEFFREY. Very well. My lawyer knows the 90 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR amount of my income. You may have what you wish of it. NANCY. I wouldn t take any of it, were it not for Sylvia. JEFFREY. What do you mean? Sylvia? NANCY. Do you think I would allow her to re main with you? Look what your neglect has made of her. Through your .carelessness Mr. Gillette has been allowed to introduce her to a sort of life until she is no more the child I sent home to you than Do you think when I realize that you are responsible that I would trust her to you again ? Never f Never ! JEFFREY. And do you think I m going to let you have her ? She s the biggest thing in my life. I ll never let her go. NANCY. She s the only thing in mine. If you force me to do it, I ll tell her the truth about you. JEFFREY. So that is your threat! She is in her room, you say. Well, you tell her the truth about me and let her decide. (He starts toward the door to the hall. NANCY stands aghast. ALAN rushes in, followed by PEGGY.J ALAN. Dad! Mother! Where is Sylvia? NANCY. She is in her room. ALAN. She is not. (To PEGGY,) I was right. It was Sylvia in that taxicab with Gillette. (To JEF FREY) They drove away just as we arrived. PEGGY. I found this letter on Sylvia s dressing- table. (She gives the letter to ALAN, who hands it to JEFFREY.) ALAN. For you, Dad. (JEFFREY takes the letter. The others watch him ap prehensively as he opens it.) JEFFREY. (Reading) "Dear Daddy I " (He mumbles indistinctly } then, overcome by its contents, THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 91 he cruples it in his hand and drops his head in misery. NANCY, who has been watching him in fear, starts toward him. She is trembling and can scarcely walk. Her hands are outstretched toward the letter.) NANCY. (Hoarsely) Jeff, Jeff ! (JEFFREY looks at NANCY, then hands her the letter.) JEFFREY. Sylvia has decided. (He rushes to the telephone.) Hello, hello, give me police headquar ters quickly, quickly. (JEFFREY is at the telephone, frantically calling Police Headquarters. ALAN and PEGGY are beside him. NANCY, with the letter crushed against her breast, leans for support against the table. She stares straight ahead, her face drawn with agony, as the curtain falls.) THE FOURTH ACT The scene is the same as that of the previous act. The room is in semi-darkness, the curtains drawn aside showing through the window, blurred by the drizzling rain, the lights of a building across the street. Two hours have elapsed. NANCY is standing at the window, peering into the street. Presently PEGGY, a wrap over her arm, enters from NANCY S bedroom. NANCY, with a little cry, turns quickly at the sound of the closing door, then with a sigh of disappointment resumes her watching attitude. PEGGY goes to her and places the wrap about her shoulders.) NANCY. Thank you, Peggy dear. (PEGGY switches on the light in the chandelier. The bell of the telephone on the writing-desk rings shrilly. PEGGY rushes to it. NANCY turns sharply and during the telephone conversation, to which she listens intently, moves down and stands behind PEGGY. ) PEGGY. (Excitedly) Hello, yes. Police Head quarters. Oh, yes, Tom. Any news? None. Oh Gillette went to his apartment. Was Sylvia with him then? She waited outside in the taxi. You haven t any idea where they went from there. Your men are watching all the depots and ferries. (She breaks down.) Oh, Tom, you ve got to find her. No. I won t. He s there with you? Hello, 92 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 93 Alan. Your mother? Why (Not knowing what to say, she turns to NANCY, who takes the tele phone. PEGGY bows her head on the desk, crying.) NANCY. Yes, dear, I m all right. Don t worry about me, there s a good boy. Your father? He s gone out. I don t know where. Now, Alan, dear, you mustn t give up hope. You ll find her. That s better. That s more like my boy. Of course you ll bring her back to me. I know you will. That s it. Good-bye, dear. (She puts the telephone on the table and, smiling bravely, places her hand on PEGGY S head.) Don t cry, Peggy dear ; they ll find her. They ll find her. (Then, beginning to lose her self-control, she turns away to the window, her hands folded as though in prayer.) Oh, God, find her! Find her ! Find her ! (She goes to the window and, leaning against it, her face pressed against the panes, breaks into long shivering sobs. PEGGY goes to her and, putting her arms about her, leads her to the fireplace and places her in the couch, where NANCY sits, hold ing out her hands to the blase. PEGGY kneels beside her. There is a pause, then NANCY looks at the clock on the mantel.) NANCY. It s almost twelve o clock. PEGGY. We ll hear some good news very soon now. (Rising.) Wouldn t you like a cup of tea? (NANCY shakes her head.) Not if I sent for the things and made it myself? I make very nice tea. NANCY. I m sure you do. But I couldn t. (There is a pause.) , \ PEGGY. Oh, Mrs. Fair ! I wouldn t keep on read ing that letter. NANCY. Oh, Peggy, I know it by heart. "I m in everybody s way. Nobody wants me. Dudley does, 94 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR so I m going with him. . . . Sylvia." Oh, my baby ! (She breaks down again.) PEGGY. Please don t cry please ! NANCY. No, I mustn t. I mustn t. (A slight pause.) Oh, if I could only do something! PEGGY. There is nothing to do but wait. (She sits on the arm of the couch, her arms around NANCY. Again there is a pause.) NANCY. (Wildly) Oh, Peggy, tell me again that they ll find her! PEGGY. Of course they will. Now, Mrs. Fair, you mustn t. Please don t cry. NANCY. (Controlling herself) Why are you so good to me? PEGGY. (Very tenderly) Because you re Alan s mother. And because you re you. NANCY. I don t deserve this, my dear, but I m very grateful. PEGGY. I ve been wanting to do this ever since that day we hurt you so cruelly. (NANCY pulls PEGGY S head down to her and kisses her. PEGGY sits beside NANCY and, taking NANCY S hand in hers, strokes it affectionately. There is a pause. Both of them are lost in thought.) PEGGY. The one thing I can t understand is Syl via s leaving her father. She would never have gone if she hadn t felt that in some way he had turned against her. She might have left (She stops abruptly.) NANCY. You could understand her leaving me. I m beginning to understand that, too. I m begin ning to see that he has more right to her than I have. PEGGY. Oh, I don t mean that she doesn t love THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 95 you, but the love Sylvia had for her father was won derful. NANCY. He had earned it. PEGGY. I don t think Mr. Fair realized it, but he didn t want her to love anyone more than she did him. NANCY. This is going to be terrible for Jeffrey. (A pause.) It s strange, Peggy, how one can seem to be doing one s duty and fail so miserably go so hopelessly wrong. (A pause, then NANCY looks toward the telephone.) Queer they don t telephone. I wonder where Jeffrey is? If they don t find Syl via PEGGY. Oh, they will, they will. NANCY. (Rising) Oh, what is her father going to do without her? PEGGY. Thank God, you re here. At least, what ever happens, he has you. (NANCY winces and turns away as the door opens to admit JEFFREY, tired, haggard. Both the women turn to him inquiringly. He shakes his head. Then places his hat and coat on the chair beside the door. PEGGY goes to him.) JEFFREY. Any news? PEGGY. (Cheerfully) Not yet. But there will be very soon. JEFFREY, You all right, Nancy? NANCY. Yes, Jeffrey. JEFFREY. Did Alan telephone? PEGGY. Yes, just a moment ago. JEFFREY. No trace of them ? (PEGGY shakes her head. JEFFREY moves slowly down to the chair at the desk, where he sits, brooding. PEGGY sits in the armchair at the table. A pause.) 96 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR JEFFREY. (Savagely) Curse the day the swine came into my house ! NANCY. Oh, Jeff, don t make me feel my respon sibility for it all any more than I do. I can t bear it. I can t bear it. JEFFREY. I m sorry, Nancy. NANCY. That s all right, Jeff. (NANCY goes to the window and looks down into the street, shading her eyes with her hands to cut off the light from the chandelier. Presently she rubs the moisture off the pane and peers out again. Then she lifts the sash and leans out, looking down into the street. Suddenly she gives a little start.) NANCY. Jeff ! Here comes a taxi ! (JEFFREY and PEGGY run to the window and look out over NANCY S shoulder.) PEGGY. (Excitedly) Is it stopping? NANCY. No, it s going on. (PEGGY and JEFFREY return to their chairs; NANCY remains at the window. A pause, then JEFFREY takes out his watch.) PEGGY. (Whispering) What time is it? JEFFREY. (Whispering) A quarter past twelve. (PEGGY, sighing, sinks back into the chair, and after a moment JEFFREY turns and looks at NANCY.) JEFFREY. Mother, you d better come away from that window ; there is a draught. You ll take cold. (NANCY does not reply.) Nancy, you ll take cold. (NANCY does not answer. Another pause. Then THE FAMOUS MRS, FAIR 97 JEFFREY, rising, goes to PEGGY, touches her quietly on the shoulder.) Peggy, get her away from that window. I can t stand it. I can t stand it. (Pro foundly moved, he walks over to the sofa and sits. PEGGY goes to NANCY and touches her on the shoul der.) NANCY. Yes, dear? PEGGY. I wouldn t watch for them, dear. NANCY. No ? PEGGY. You know a watched kettle never boils. (NANCY smiles, but remains at the window. PEGGY returns to the armchair and stands behind it.) Is it raining now, Mr. Fair? JEFFREY. Yes. NANCY. (Quite unemotionally) I hope Sylvia hadn t on thin shoes. She takes cold so easily. At least, she used to. (JEFFREY buries his face in his hands. PEGGY S lips quiver. Her eyes fill with tears. They wait.) JEFFREY. Nancy, did Gillette owe you any money ? NANCY. (Intently watching the street) Yes, sev eral thousand. JEFFREY. That s it ! NANCY. (Indifferently) What do you mean? JEFFREY. I found out from Tom Gibbs to-night that Gillette was the man who was mixed up in that Bazaar scandal. He has stolen your money or was going to. NANCY. I don t understand. JEFFREY. Don t you see you can t prosecute him now without bringing Sylvia into it? ... Damn him! (It all seems of little moment to NANCY, and she turns again to the windoiv. The door to the hall opens very softly and ALAN stands in the door- 98 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR way, unseen by JEFFREY and NANCY. PEGGY, moving to sit in the chair, sees ALAN and goes quietly to him. He whispers to her and she darts out and across the hall into SYLVIA S room. He comes in quickly, closing the door. At the sound NANCY and JEFFREY turn. JEFFREY springs to his feet.) NANCY. (With a great cry) Alan! ALAN. She s here! JEFFREY. Thank God! (NANCY makes a rush for the door.) ALAN. (Stopping her) Wait, Mother. What are you going to say to her? What are you going to do? NANCY. Oh, Alan, what would I do? ALAN. I didn t know. JEFFREY. Where did you find her? ALAN. At I25th Street station. They were on their way to Montreal. JEFFREY. Where is he ? ALAN. I ve taken care of him. He s NANCY. (Hysterically, and trying to pass ALAN) What does it matter where he is? All that matters is that she s here. Don t shut her outside. Alan, do you hear me ? Let me go to her ! JEFFREY. Easy, Nancy, easy ! ALAN. (Taking her in his arms) All right, Mother, all right. But be careful treat her very gently. (He goes.) NANCY. Jeffrey, I m giving up my claims to her. She s yours. So be kind to her. (SYLVIA enters, white-faced, defiant, -followed by PEGGY and ALAN. NANCY rushes toward her to embrace her. SYLVIA, stretching out her hands, THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 99 stops her. NANCY, surprised, stunned for the moment, looks toward JEFFREY bewilderedly.) NANCY. Jeff (JEFFREY looks at SYLVIA, who looks coldly at him.) NANCY. Won t you sit down, dear? SYLVIA. I can take what everybody has to say, standing. NANCY. (Very tenderly) Darling, don t be afraid. SYLVIA. I m not afraid. NANCY. We re not going to scold you. We re not going to say anything. SYLVIA. No ? Well, I am. JEFFREY. (Sternly) Very well. Go on. I m in terested to hear what you have to say. NANCY. (Turning to him) Jeff, please ! JEFFREY. I ll handle this, Nancy. Alan, take Peggy into your mother s room. SYLVIA. She needn t go. She s in on this. PEGGY. I ? SYLVIA. You were responsible for our arrest, weren t you? ALAN. You weren t arrested. SYLVIA. We would have been if you hadn t been there. PEGGY. No, no, dear. Tom would have brought you here to us. SYLVIA. Oh, then you did arrange it all? Don t you think, for a new member of this family, you were taking a good deal on yourself to JEFFREY. Come, come, Sylvia; it was I who got Tom Gibbs on the wire. You should be very grate ful to Peggy and her brother. God knows we are. SYLVIA. (Turning upon him) I m not. What TOO THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR right has she what right have any of you to butt in on my affairs? NANCY. Why, my dear, we all love you. SYLVIA. You acted like it, didn t you ? What have you all got against Dudley? ALAN. Sylvia, I ve told you that he was an em bezzler, and that his only idea in marrying you was to use you to prevent mother prosecuting him. SYLVIA. That s what you say. Mother, has Dud ley taken any money from you ? NANCY. No. SYLVIA. Well, Alan, mother ought to know. ALAN. He confessed that he was short in his ac counts. SYLVIA. I didn t hear him. ALAN. You weren t there when he was begging Gibbs to let him go. SYLVIA. No. I was being made conspicuous, seated on a bench on the platform between two offi cers. Oh, I ll never forget it ! (She puts her hands to her face as though to shut out the memory. Mo mentarily her spirit is broken.) NANCY. (Whispering) Jeff, go to her now. JEFFREY. (Going to SYLVIA) I am sorry, dear, that all this had to happen that you feel we ve all conspired to disgrace you. But we were only trying to protect you. SYLVIA. Protect me? If you wanted to protect me, why wait? You knew that I was going about with him. NANCY. But, Sylvia, dear, your father didn t realize the sort of friends that Mr. Gillette had introduced SYLVIA. He introduced me to the only friends he had. What do you know about them? You never met them. JEFFREY. Sylvia, I forbid you to use that tone to your mother. THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 101 NANCY. Sylvia is right, Jeff. I judged them solely by what she told me of them. SYLVIA. And while you were judging you passed sentence on Dudley, too, didn t you? You forbade my best friend seeing me again. JEFFREY. Your mother had every right to do that. SYLVIA. She had no right to make him feel that he wasn t fit to associate with me, when it was she who introduced him to me. JEFFREY. She did not know that you were asso ciating with him so intimately. SYLVIA. No. She wasn t here, was she? NANCY. No, Sylvia, I wasn t here. JEFFREY. But I was. I m to blame. I should have watched over you. SYLVIA. But you didn t care what I was doing, where I was going, just so you were free to run around with Mrs. Brice. (JEFFREY flinches as though he had been struck.) NANCY. Sylvia, how dare you talk like that to your father? ALAN. Haven t you any respect? Haven t you any feeling? Can t you see that you are hurting father and mother cruelly? SYLVIA. Well, haven t they hurt me? ALAN. (Indignantly) Hurt you ! You ought to be down on your knees, thanking them for saving you from a marriage SYLVIA. Were you worrying about how cruelly you hurt mother when you told her about Peggy? Would you have been on your knees thanking them if they had tried to save you from marrying her? JEFFREY. Stop, Sylvia! How can you? If it hadn t been for Peggy SYLVIA. I wouldn t have had to stand all this. 102 THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR ALAN. You don t think it s pleasant for us, do you? SYLVIA. There s an easy way of stopping it. JEFFREY. How ? SYLVIA. (Hysterically) Let me get out of here. (She makes a rush for the door. ALAN stops her.) JEFFREY. Where do you want to go ? SYLVIA. (Jerking herself away from ALAN^ Any where away from all of you! Why am I dragged back here, where nobody loves me, wants me ? (She throws herself in the armchair at the table, sobbing wildly.) NANCY. Your father loves you, wants you. SYLVIA. A lot he loves me! He loves Angy Brice. ALAN. Who told you this damn lie ? SYLVIA. (Sobbing) It s not a lie. Everybody has known but us that he was going to get rid of mother and marry Angy. ALAN. Dad my God! this isn t true? SYLVIA. (Rising) It is true. Mother, aren t you going to leave Daddy? (There is a pause. SYLVIA, ALAN and PEGGY are waiting for the answer. JEFFREY stands with bowed head.) NANCY. No. JEFFREY. (Turning, makes an effort to speak, and finally articulates) Nancy! (Then, overcome, he turns away to the window.) SYLVIA." (Going to NANCY) Why, Dudley said That s why I went away with him. I didn t know what would become of me when you separated. I thought my daddy had gone back on me. (NANCY folds her in her arms, kissing her. JEF FREY comes to them.) THE FAMOUS MRS. FAIR 103 JEFFREY. Your daddy will never go back on you, if you will only NANCY. Jeff, don t make conditions ; we ve both been wrong. We must be content with whatever Sylvia wants. SYLVIA. I only want you all to want me. NANCY. Oh, my dear ! my dear ! PEGGY. (Snivelling) Alan, where is Gillette? ALAN. In an ambulance. (He smiles and shows his clenched fist.) THE END POtLYANNA r< The glad play/ in 3 acts. By Catherine Chisholnt Cashing. Based on the novel by Eleanor H. Porter. 5 males, 6 females. 2 interiors. Costumes, modern. Plays 2% hours. The story has to do with the experiences of an orphan girl who is thrust, unwelcome, into the home of a maiden aunt. In spite of the tribulations that beset her life she manages to find something to be glad about, and brings light into sunless lives. Finally, Pollyanna straightens out the love affairs of her elders, and last, but not least, finds happiness for herself in the heart of Jimmy. "Pollyanna" is a glad play and one which is bound to give one &> better appreciation of people and the world. It reflects the humor, tenderness and humanity that gave the story such wonderful popularity among young and old. Produced at the Hudson Theatre, New York, and for two sea^ eons on tour, by George 0. Tyler, with Helen Hayes in the part of "Pollyanna." (Royalty, twenty-five dollars.) Price, 76 Cents. THE CHARM SCHOOL A comedy in 3 acts. By Alice Duer Miller and Bober% Milton. 6 males, 10 females (may be played by 5 males and 8 females). Any number of school girls may be used in the ensembles. Scenes, 2 interiors. Modern costranea Plays 2% hours. The story of "The Charm School" is familiar to Mrs. Miller * readers. It relates the adventures of a handsome young auto* mobile salesman, scarcely out of his teens, who, upon inheriting a girls boarding-school from a maiden aunt, insists on running it himself, according to his own ideas, chief of which is, by th$ way, that the dominant feature in the education of the young girls of to-day should be CHARM. The situations that arise are> teeming with humor clean, wholesome humor. In the end tho young man gives up the school, and promises to wait until the most precocious of his pupils reaches a marriageable age. The play has the freshness of youth, the inspiration of an extravagant but novel idea, the charm of originality, and the promise of whole some, sanely amusing, pleasant entertainment. We strongly ree oxnmend it for high school production. It was first produced at the Bijou Theatre, New York, then toured the country. Two companies are now playing it in England. (Royalty, twenty-five dollars.) Price, 75 Cents. SAMCTEL FBENCH, 25 West 45th Street, New York City Oar Nw Catalogue Will Be Sent on Receipt of Five Cent*. ARE YOU A MASON? farce in 3 acts. By Leo Ditrichstein. 7 males, 7 $e* aiales. Modern costumes. Plays 2*4 hours. 1 interior. "Are You a Mason?" is one of those delightful farces like "Charley s Aunt" that are always fresh. "A mother and a daughter," says the critic of the New York Herald, "had hus bands who account for absences ^from the joint household on. frequent evenings, falsely pretending to be Masons. The men do not know te^ch other s duplicity, and each tells his wife of having advanced to leadership in his lodge. The older woman was so well pleased with her husband s supposed distinction in the order that she made him promise to put up the name of a visiting triend for membership. Further .perplexity over the principal liar arose when a suitor for his second daughter s hand proved to be a real Mason. ... To tell the story of the play would require volumes, its complications are so numerous. It if a house of cards. One card wrongly placed and the whole thing would -collapse. But it stands, an example of remarkable in genuity. You wonder at the end of the first act how the fua can be kept up on such a slender foundation. But it continues and grows to the last curtain." One of the most hilariously amusing farces ever written, especially suited to schools and Masonic Lodges. (Royalty, twenty-five dollars.) Price, 7 ft KEMPY A delightful comedy in 3 acts. By ^.0. Nugent *n<$ Elliott Nugent. 4 males, 4 females. 1 interior throughout, Costumes, modern. Plays 2% hours. Wo wonder "Kempy" has been such a tremendous hit in New *ork, Chicago wherever it has played. It snaps with wit and numor of the most delightful kind. It s electric. It s small" Sown folk perfectly pictured. Full of types of varied sorts, each one done to a turn and served with zestful sauce. An ideal entertainment for amusement purposes. The story is about a high- falutin daughter who in a fit of pique marries the young plumber- architect, who comp- to fix the water pipes, just because he "understands" he Aaving read her book and having sworn to marry the authoress. But in that story lies all the humor that hept the audience laughing every second of every act. Of course there are lots of ramifications, each of which bears its own brand of laughter-making potentials. But the plot and the story are not the main things. There is, for instance, the work of the company. The fun growing out of this family mixup is lively and clean. (Royalty, twenty-five dollars.) Price, 75 Cents. 8 \MUEL FRENCH, 25 West 45th Street, New York City Our New Catalogue Will Be Sent on Ueceipt of Five Cent*. FRENCH S Standard Library Edition George M. Cohaa Winchell Smith Booth Tarkington Wiiiiam Gillette Frank Craven Owen Davis Austin Strong A. A. Milne Harriet Ford Paul Green James Montgomery Arthur Richman Philip Barry George Middletoa Chanuing Pollock George Kaufman Martin Flavin Victor Mapes Kate Douglas Rida Johnson Young Margaret Mayo Roi Cooper Megrue Jean Webster George Broadhurst George Hobart Frederick S. ifhatt Fred Ballard Percy MacKaye Willard Mack Jerome K. Jerome R. C. Carton William Cary Duncan Sir Arthur Conan Doyle Includes Play* by Augustus Thomas Rachel Crothers W. W. Jacobs Ernest Denny Kenyon Nicholson Aaron Hoffman H. V. Esmond Edgar Selwyn Laurence flousman Israel Zangwill Waiter Hackett A. E. Thomas Edna Ferber John Henry At ears Mark Swan John B. Stapleton Frederick LonsdaR Bryon Onjfley Rex Beach Paul Armstrong H. A. Du Souchet George Ade J. Hartley Manners Barry Conners Edith Ellis Harold Brighouse Harvey J. O Miggiit* Clare Kumnier James Forbes William C. DeMille 1 hompson Buchanan C. ritddon Chambers Rioljard Harding Davis George Kelly Louis N. Parker Anthony Hope Lewis Beacb Guy Bolton Edward E. Rose Marc Connelly Frederick Pa Hiding Lynn Starling Clyde Fitch Earl Derr Bigger* Thomas Broadhurs* Charles Klein Bayard Veiller Grace L. Furnlss Martha Morton Robert Housum Carlisle Moore Salisbury Field Leo Dietrichstein Harry James Smith Eden Phiilputts Brandoa Tynan Clayton Hamilton Edward Sheldon Richard Ganthony Julie Lippman Paul Diekey Frank Bacon Edward Paulton Adelaide Matthew* A. K. W. Mason CCUMHO Gordon-Lennox Catherine Chisholm Cashing J. C. and Elliott Nflgent Edward Childs Carpenter Justin Huntley McCarthy Madeline Lucette Ryley Joseph K Peabody French s International Copyrighted Edition contain* plays, comedle- and farces ef international reputation; also recent professional successes by famous American and English Author*. Scad a four-cent stamp for our new catalogue describing thousands of plays. SAMUEL FRENCH Oldest Play Publisher in the World 25 West 45* Street, NEW YORK CITY "%jmyf& &&XH& ^ *T^