GIFT OF 
 .ti. Rogers 
 
OUR SUCCESS IN 
 CHILD- TRAINING 
 
OUR SUCCESS IN 
 CHILD -TRAINING 
 
 PRACTICAL EXPERIENCES 
 OF MANY MOTHERS 
 
 EDITED BY 
 
 GUSTAV POLLAK 
 
 n 
 
 EDITOR OF "BABYHOOD" AND JOINT 
 AUTHOR, WITH DR. L. M. YALE, OF 
 "THE CENTURY BOOK FOR MOTHERS" 
 
 THE CONTEMPORARY PUBLISHING CO. 
 5 BEEKMAN STREET 
 
 NEW YORK 
 
Copyright, 1902 
 By THE BABYHOOD PUBLISHING Co. 
 
 Rooney & Otten Printing Co., 114-120 West aoth St., N. Y. 
 
PREFACE 
 
 THE subjects of this volume are all discussed 
 in the light of practical experience. They re- 
 present the views of intelligent mothers in every 
 part of the country upon the question of nursery 
 discipline and child-training-. Not a few of the 
 articles, on their first appearance in the columns of 
 BABYHOOD, attracted wide attention and provoked 
 comment in other journals. It is hoped that 
 the collection may now command a still wider 
 hearing. The occasional intrusion of an interested 
 father into the discussion of a particularly knotty 
 educational problem will not be resented by the 
 audience to which this volume appeals. 
 
 369914 
 
CONTENTS 
 
 PAGE 
 
 i. Problems of Discipline 9 
 
 A Modern Philosopher in the Nursery Justice in the 
 Home Untruthful Children Consistency in Gov- 
 ernmentThe Injustice of Haste A Firm Father 
 and a Tender-Hearted Mother A Dilemma Ways 
 Out of the Dilemma Who Was Right? Answers 
 to "Who Was Right?" Good Habits Learned Auto- 
 matically Raising by Rule An Effectual Method 
 of Subduing Restlessness Incorrigible, and Only 
 Four When Children Rule A Medical View of 
 Nursery Discipline Laying Wrong Foundations. 
 
 ii. Morals and Manners 85 
 
 Deceiving Our Children Around the Table The 
 Moral Tone of a Child How to Deal with the 
 Children of Our Neighbors The Early Formation 
 of Regular Habits Sharp and Forward Children 
 Babies at Public Meetings Religious Education of 
 Children Parental Example at the Table Who 
 Deserves the Credit ? 
 
 in. Ways and Means in the Nursery 123 
 
 What Not to Do Self-Control in the Household 
 Commemoration of Birthdays Advantages of "Play- 
 ing Doctor" The Baby's Bank Account Still 
 Seeking the Nursery Maid The Need of Educated 
 Mothers The Charms of Bed-Time How the 
 Laddies Go to Sleep Children's Questions Early 
 Use of Memory The Care of Delicate Children 
 
viii CONTENTS. 
 
 The Convalescent Baby Imagination Running Riot 
 
 The Companionship of Animal Pets Children of 
 Large Families A Mother's Fright. 
 
 iv. Unusual Traits i 79 
 
 A Remarkably Precocious Child Imaginary Play- 
 mates Sensitiveness to Strange Sounds Cultiva- 
 ting or Curbing the Imagination of Young Children ? 
 
 A Youthful Admirer of Uncle Remus How 
 Children Connect Ideas Little Rob's First Dream 
 
 Youthful Obstinacy The Bump of Destruction 
 Dislike of a Pillow Trouble with Early Bad 
 Habits Dangerously Overwrought Feelings Vi- 
 carious Virtue and Vice A Pretty Bed-Time Fancy 
 Children's Ideas of Time A Baby's First Words 
 The Different Dispositions of Two Devoted Little 
 Brothers A Remarkable Memory Sensitiveness 
 and Self-Restraint Conscientious, yet Inclined to 
 Tell Falsehoods Children's Views on Matters of 
 Dress The Child's World. 
 
I 
 
 PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE 
 
A MODERN PHILOSOPHER IN TttE NUR- 
 SERY. 
 
 Whoever has had experience in caring for children 
 and in studying them has been amazed to find on some 
 inciting occasion that the baby of but a few brief 
 months has developed a will to all appearance as stub- 
 born and as old as eternal evil. With what a sense of 
 relief must a mother whose aims are high turn to any 
 system which offers guidance through the tangled path 
 which lies before her! 
 
 The system proposed by Herbert Spencer in his 
 "Education" is simple and easily understood, and may 
 be adapted to children in any condition of life. It is 
 not the purpose of this article to give, even in outline, 
 the complete theory, but to call attention to one or two 
 points only which have been especially helpful in the 
 homes where they have been tried. 
 
 When the mother is convinced that the baby under- 
 stands her words and is capable of seeing that actions 
 in his world are divided into two classes that he may 
 do some things, and may not do some others it is safe 
 for her to conclude that the tender bud has become 
 the twig which may be bent. One way of determin- 
 ing whether this change has occurred in your child is 
 by observing carefully the child of some friend who is 
 of the same age as your own. "Did you notice the 
 
12 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 Ktile S noy? K a father asked a mother not long 
 
 ago. "Yes. I did," she replied. "Did it occur to you 
 thai h^ is old e-iough to mind?" he continued. "Why, 
 certainly he is." "Well, he was born the same week 
 that our boy was, and we have never thought him old 
 enough to be governed at all." There is a great deal 
 of enlightenment gained from dispassionate judgment 
 of other people's children. 
 
 It is at this serious period, when some course must 
 be settled upon, that the suggestions in Spencer's work 
 on "Education" will be found most helpful. First of 
 all, the mother must be so uniformly and reasonably 
 gentle with the child that an unkind look or word will 
 really mean something to him, and will make an im- 
 pression upon his mind ; he is not to be repelled unless 
 it is done with a purpose; he is not to be harshly 
 spoken to because some one else has done wrong, or 
 because his mother has a headache or is tired; she is 
 to be his wise and kind friend, who controls herself, 
 and so may hope to control him. The wisdom of this 
 course will be justified continually, as the child grows 
 strong and climbs about, endangering his head and 
 limbs ; for a word or look will sometimes restrain him. 
 Just so far as possible the penalties exacted by nature 
 for disobedience to her laws should be allowed to teach 
 the little offender. If, for example, a child persists in 
 playing about the stove, let him burn himself, watch- 
 ing and taking care that the burn shall not be a serious 
 one, but only a complete and emphatic exposition of the 
 nature of fire. To illustrate this still further, a little 
 
PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE. 13 
 
 boy who is living under the sway of an enlightened 
 mother found great delight in climbing into a chair 
 in order to pull things from a shelf; he could not be 
 left a moment in safety; repeatedly taking him down 
 and telling him about falling, and that falling hurts 
 little boys, did no good; at last he was allowed to 
 fall far enough to become thoroughly frightened, and 
 after a few repetitions he exercised greater caution. 
 The same child found a peculiar fascination in whir- 
 ling himself around until he became dizzy; he heeded 
 no injunctions to stop or to be careful ; so one day his 
 mother moved the tables and chairs out of his way and 
 let him fall to the floor. Of course he was not in any 
 way injured, but, the fall being the natural result of 
 his act, he was taught effectually what falling is, and 
 a few trials convinced him that it always hurts more 
 or less, while mother's punishment is not so invariable. 
 The youngest child soon learns this, and in that is 
 found the cause or source of much of the failure in 
 good government. "Your penalties," says Spencer, 
 "should be like those of nature, inevitable; no threats, 
 but a silent, rigorous performance. If a child runs a 
 pin into its ringers, pain follows ; if it does it again, 
 there is the same result; and so on perpetually, in all 
 its dealings with surrounding inorganic nature, it finds 
 this unswerving persistence which listens to no excuse 
 and from which there is no appeal ; and very soon rec- 
 ognizing this stern though beneficent discipline, it be- 
 comes extremely careful not to transgress." 
 
 There are occasionally burnt children who do not 
 
14 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 dread the fire, but such cases are rare, and there seems 
 to be nothing better to be done than to keep careful 
 watch over the child. Then there are cases where a 
 parent must take the place of nature, and must step 
 in with authority. To illustrate this : A little boy of 
 five constantly annoyed a baby-brother; if the baby 
 were quietly seated in a little chair, or playing con- 
 tentedly with toys, the elder boy was certain to take 
 him up and place him somewhere else, or to interrupt 
 his play and insist upon the baby's adapting himself 
 to his notion of the right kind of play. One day the 
 father, without making his purpose known, began a 
 series of similar operations upon the elder boy. At 
 first the child took it for play, and smiled a rather 
 reluctant smile; but after being taken away from his 
 picture-book, or top-spinning, for half-a-dozen times, 
 the truth dawned upon him, and he said: "Why, 
 papa, I didn't know it felt like that; I will not do so 
 to brother again." 
 
 The idea of punishment which is set forth by Mr. 
 Spencer is that of correction, with the purpose of 
 making the child capable of self-control; and nothing 
 is to be done in a spirit of revenge or anger. As the 
 child advances in months and years it requires the 
 exercise of ingenuity and patient investigation to seek 
 out the consequences of the wrong act ; but success is 
 almost certain, and by making an ally of nature the 
 admonitions of the mother acquire great force. If this 
 course were carried out in the every-day life of child- 
 ren, there would be a lessening of friction in the house- 
 
PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE. 15 
 
 hold which would be observed and appreciated by each 
 member of it. To illustrate: 'The labor of putting 
 things in order is the true consequence of having put 
 them in disorder." Let us imagine, if possible, what 
 would be the result if this were acted upon. If the 
 children refuse to pick up and put away their play- 
 things, when next they wish to have them tell 
 them soberly and with the calm manner of one whose 
 words are final that they cannot take them because they 
 did not pick them up. This lesson is not likely to be 
 forgotten, and the value of it is of the kind that in- 
 creases with time and length of days. "If education 
 be a preparation for the business of life, then every 
 child should also from the beginning have daily ex- 
 perience of this fact, that the natural consequence of 
 putting things in disorder is to put things in order!" 
 The truth is emphasized by Mr. Spencer that by this 
 method "the child is early taught the lesson, which 
 cannot be learned too soon, that in this world of ours 
 pleasures are rightly to be obtained only by labor." 
 
 "Proper conduct in life is much better guaranteed 
 when the good and evil consequences of actions are 
 rationally understood than when they are merely be- 
 lieved on authority. A child who finds that his want 
 of care is followed by the loss or breakage of some 
 much-prized possession not only experiences a keenly- 
 felt consequence, but gains a knowledge of causation." 
 
 This natural system of discipline is upheld by Mr. 
 Spencer also because it is "a system of pure justice, 
 and will be recognized by every child as such. Take 
 
1 6 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 the case of a boy who is habitually careless of his 
 clothes and is utterly regardless of mud. If he is 
 beaten or sent to bed he is apt to regard himself as 
 ill-used, and his mind is more likely to be occupied in 
 thinking over his injuries than in repenting his trans- 
 gressions. But suppose he is required to rectify so far 
 as he can the harm he has done, will he not feel that 
 the evil is one of his own producing ? will he not, while 
 paying this penalty, be continuously conscious of the 
 connection between it and its cause? and will he not, 
 spite his irritation, recognize more or less clearly the 
 justice of the arrangement? Any mother who has 
 pursued this plan will say, I am sure, that it is far 
 more efficacious than a reprimand or the slight punish- 
 ment she is likely to give, unless greatly angered." 
 
 A great gain in firmness is made if a mother resolves, 
 calmly and unvaryingly, to carry out this system. She 
 will be able to guide -and control children much better 
 than if, with no definite idea in her mind, she acts often 
 simply in accordance with her feelings. There is a 
 gain also in self-respect and in dignity, for there are 
 two results of success ; and when she has settled upon 
 a reasonable plan for administering justice to the 
 children she will do away entirely with the custom, 
 common in some households, of "telling your father," 
 thus relegating the responsibility and authority to him 
 and diminishing her own power to govern. Possibly 
 there are mothers who never thought that in doing 
 this they were evading a duty, that of requiring obe- 
 dience of their children, or who pondered deeply the 
 
PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE. 17 
 
 effect upon character of daily and cheerful obedience. 
 4 The tempers both of parents and children," says Mr. 
 Spencer, "are much less liable to be ruffled under this 
 system than under the ordinary system. Penalties 
 which are inflicted by impersonal agency produce an 
 irritation that is comparatively slight and transient, 
 whereas penalties which are voluntarily inflicted by a 
 parent, and are afterwards remembered as caused by 
 him or her, produce an irritation both greater and more 
 continued. A father who punishes his boy for care- 
 lessly or wilfully breaking a sister's toy inflicts an 
 artificial penalty on the transgresor and takes the 
 natural penalty on himself, his own feelings and those 
 of the transgressor being alike needlessly irritated. 
 If he simply required restitution to be made he would 
 produce far less heart-burning." Mr. Spencer urges 
 that if this course were habitually pursued the rela- 
 tions between parent and child would be more intimate 
 and friendly, and that in order to cultivate a child's 
 moral nature occasions of personal resentment should 
 be avoided ; and it is to be remembered that "the 
 father's and mother's approbation or disapprobation is 
 one of the ordained agencies for guiding the child. 
 The moral reactions called forth from you by your 
 child's actions you should as much as possible assim- 
 ilate to those which you conceive would be called forth 
 from a parent of perfect nature." 
 
 To be sparing of commands is one of Mr. Spencer's 
 maxims; but if you tell a child to do or not to do, 
 follow the injunction with a firm purpose to be obeyed. 
 
1 8 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 How many mothers in their futile attempts at govern- 
 ment remind a looker-on of the nursery rhyme, when 
 
 "The King of France, with forty thousand men, 
 Marched up the hill, and then marched down again," 
 
 so ill-considered are their commands and counter- 
 commands. "Consider well beforehand what you are 
 going to do, weigh all the consequences, think whether 
 your firmness of purpose will be sufficient, and then, 
 if you finally make the law enforce it uniformly at 
 whatever cost. If the consequences you tell your child 
 will follow certain acts follow with uniformity, he will 
 soon come to respect your laws as he does those of 
 nature." The aim to be constantly borne in mind is, 
 that all our discipline is "to produce a self-governing 
 being," so that when the child can no longer be re- 
 strained and guarded by father and mother he will 
 be able in some degree to realize the ideal so dear to 
 all wise men, and be governed by his reason. In order 
 to cultivate the reason what better method can be pur- 
 sued than the one thus imperfectly sketched ? 
 
 There are other points regarding the moral develop- 
 ment of children where the ideas of Mr. Spencer are 
 full of comfort, an inspiration to constant and careful 
 study, and sources of encouragement to those mothers 
 whose babies do not seem to come "trailing clouds of 
 glory," as does the typical boy of the poet, but whose 
 footsteps are followed by evidences of naughtiness and 
 mischief, not very bad in themselves, but which fill the 
 mind of the mother with anxious fears for the future. 
 
PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE. 19 
 
 To such a mother he says: "Do not expect from a 
 child any great amount of moral goodness; as the 
 child's features flat nose, forward-opening nostrils, 
 large lips, wide-apart eyes, and absent frontal sinus, 
 etc. resemble for a time those of a savage, so, too, do 
 his instincts. The popular idea that children are inno- 
 cent, while it may be true in so far as it refers to evil 
 knowledge, is false in so far as it refers to evil im- 
 pulses, as half-an-hour's observation in the nursery 
 will prove to any one." 
 
 "Be content," say our philosopher, "with moderate 
 measures and moderate results. Constantly bear in 
 mind the fact that a higher morality, like a higher in- 
 telligence, must be reached by a slow growth, and you 
 will be less prone to that constant scolding and threat- 
 ening and forbidding by which many parents induce 
 a chronic domestic irritation, in the foolish hope that 
 they will thus make their children what they should 
 be." It is a new thought to some mothers that morals 
 may grow. They do not expect their children to be 
 wise without knowledge or experience, but they do 
 expect them to be good and to exhibit virtues that can 
 only be gained from triumphs over temptation. We 
 are not to be too deeply distressed if our children are 
 not faultless ; if they do seek to evade the justice which 
 is sure to overtake them after wrongdoing, or if they 
 show signs of a strong will and plenty of temper; or 
 even if they rise at times in rebellion at all things, and 
 exclaim, as a little boy did a few days ago: "O mam- 
 ma ! I wish God wasn't around everywhere, seeing 
 
20 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 everything;" or like the son of a friend of the writer, a 
 clergyman, who said to his mother, in a burst of bed- 
 time confidence : "I will not say my prayers, for I hate 
 the dear Lord." 
 
 Even in the case of grave offences Mr. Spencer be- 
 lieves that the discipline of consequences may be re- 
 sorted to. "For what are the natural consequences of 
 a theft? They are of two kinds, the direct and in- 
 direct. The direct consequence, as dictated by pure 
 equity, is that of making restitution. An absolutely 
 just ruler (and every parent should aim to be one) 
 will demand that wherever it is possible a wrong act 
 shall be undone by a right one. The indirect and more 
 serious consequence is the displeasure of parents, and 
 this will be most deeply felt by a child who is in sym- 
 pathy with his parents, and who values their good 
 opinion of him." 
 
 It is not easy to govern a child in accordance with 
 the suggestions given by Herbert Spencer ; it cannot be 
 attempted without a great deal of thought and of self- 
 control, and certainly not without the exercise of that 
 crowning virtue, which comes very late into some of 
 our lives patience. It may be that for some there will 
 be strength in the thought that in thus applying high 
 principles to the management of their children they 
 are educating themselves as well. We suppose that, if 
 we knew how to study him, our baby might become our 
 best text-book. 
 
 To the mother who is greatly wearied with the cease- 
 less toil, the constant doing of the same things over 
 
PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE. 21 
 
 and over; who sees her youth and early womanhood 
 fleeing away, and who feels that she is not attaining 
 those mental heights to which she looked so long ago 
 with expectation, one thought of Mr. Spencer's will be 
 like a breeze from those very hills: "It is a truth yet 
 remaining to be recognized that the last stage in the 
 mental development of each man and woman is to be 
 reached only through the proper discharge of the 
 parental duties, and when this truth is recognized it 
 will be seen how admirable is the ordination in virtue 
 of which human beings are led by their strongest affec- 
 tions to subject themselves to a discipline which they 
 would else elude." 
 
 A fair-haired, blue-eyed baby-boy sat on the floor 
 the other day playing with a doll. A child of four 
 years old was paying a call with his mamma to the 
 mother of the baby, who, not knowing the child's 
 name, and seeing nothing in its dress to indicate sex, 
 pulled his mother's sleeve, and said in a loud whisper : 
 "Mamma, what's that going to be when it grows up ?" 
 
 This pertinent question will be kept in mind hourly 
 by the woman who studies the "Education" of Herbert 
 Spencer, and the answer to the question ought to be 
 this : "A self-governing being" a being capable of 
 self-control. 
 
22 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 JUSTICE IN THE HOME. 
 
 One incident of my childish days is indelibly im- 
 printed on my mind. Without effort does memory 
 bring before my mental vision a vivid picture of a 
 pleasant dining-room, with its doors and windows open 
 wide to let in the tropical light and air. As the family 
 are gathered at the table, the Chinese cook appears, 
 wrathful, holding aloft a dripping cork. 
 
 "What is the matter, Acho?" inquires the mistress. 
 
 "This cork I fin' him stuffee down my sink-spout ! 
 Makee him runnee over! No use! Missee Lucy, he 
 do it!" 
 
 And he points a menacing finger at my four-year- 
 old self. It is a very innocent little self that looks 
 up in astonishment at this unexpected and undeserved 
 accusation. 
 
 "Why, no, Acho," I exclaim, "I didn't do it, truly!" 
 
 I am not an untruthful child, yet on the cook's accu- 
 sation, unsupported by any evidence, I am summarily 
 sentenced to a dark closet, a dinner of bread and water, 
 and a whipping first, because I had "been in mis- 
 chief," and then because I had denied it. 
 
 Every time that memory has conjured up this 
 vision, in the years that have passed since it was a 
 present reality, my heart has been stirred with a great 
 pity for that unjustly treated little self, and a burning 
 indignation on her behalf. It was a comfort to me 
 then, and has been ever since, to remember that it 
 
PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE. 23 
 
 was not the dear one who held a mother's place toward 
 me who had thus abused me, but a temporary substi- 
 tute. I say "abused" me. The good woman would 
 have started back in horror at the harsh term. Yet 
 the worst form of abuse that one can give a child is 
 to withhold from him a justice afs perfect as human 
 liability to error makes possible. \ Certainj^JfiLjihst-Su 
 child is peculiarly quick to recognize and to resent 
 injustice. And with equal certainty he will be morally 
 injured by it. j There is the evil of it ; the present harm 
 done is seldom serious, but a little injustice may be 
 one of the hinges upon which the door of the child's 
 life will open out into a perverted path. Those who 
 stand over children parents, guardians, teachers 
 cannot be too careful on this point. Better pass by 
 nine transgressions unpunished than punish unjustly 
 once. That once may so shake the child's confidence 
 in you that it never will recover its equilibrium. At 
 best it will leave a sore spot which even time will 
 hardly heal. 
 
 Sometimes, indeed, since "to err is human," there 
 may be an involuntary injustice. If this is apologized 
 for as soon as discovered, it may be made a bond of 
 closer union between parent and child. Do not grudge 
 the frank apology when it is due. Offer it even more 
 promptly to the child than you would in like case to 
 your equal in years. Your dignity will not suffer in 
 his eyes; rather will his respect for you be enhanced, 
 and the courteous justice which you show to him will 
 surely engender the like in him. 
 
24 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 One more incident may illustrate another branch of 
 this wide and important subject. In a family of which 
 I know there are two children, a boy of ten and a girl 
 some years younger. The girl rules her brother like 
 a small despot, in which she is supported by her par- 
 ents as her prime ministers. "/ want that, Tom," is 
 the announcement whenever her brother has a new 
 treasure. It is invariably emphasized by the parental 
 edict, "Let Totty have it, Tom." One instance may 
 serve as a sample of the many : It was the chief ambi- 
 tion of the boys in Tom's set to own bladder footballs. 
 Tom had become possessed of a particularly fine one. 
 With infinite pains he had rubbed it, and filled it, and 
 tied it, and dried it. At last it was finished, and the 
 boy regarded it with fond pride. But alas ! "Totty" 
 spied it. "I want that, Tom." The usually yielding 
 boy rebelled, but promptly came the word, "Let Totty 
 have it, Tom !" With an agony as real as a man could 
 feel over the loss of his earthly all, and far more 
 pathetic, the boy relinquished his treasure, begging the 
 child to "be careful of it." She tossed it about till she 
 was weary of the sport, and then deliberately took up 
 a sharp stone and hacked and crushed the ball to a 
 shapeless mass. Childish malevolence could go no 
 farther. Of the poor boy's heartache our own hearts 
 ache to think. 
 
 Yet far more than the child are those parents to 
 blame. That one is utterly wrong, as a parent, who 
 will allow, much less foster, such selfishness and in- 
 justice. ( Justice toward all the children alike, and from 
 
PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE. 25 
 
 each child toward every other one, should be practiced 
 and enforced by the parents. J "What's mine is my 
 own; my brother Juan's is his and mine," says the 
 Spanish proverb. It is the principle on which many 
 a child is allowed to base his conduct, to the inevitable 
 weakening of the fraternal tie which should be felt in 
 early years, only to strengthen with maturity. The 
 doctrine of mine and thine should be taught early. It 
 need not shut out, by any means, the teaching of a 
 generous consideration for others. No tyranny should 
 be tolerated, whether it be the despotism of the elder or 
 the younger, the weaker or the stronger, the boy or 
 the girl. A scrupulous respect for the rights of others 
 should be inculcated, and a proper defence of one's own 
 rights allowed. It is the only way to train up law- 
 abiding citizens, and high-minded men and women. 
 For mercy all may hope, but to justice all have in- 
 alienable claim, and all should be taught to render it 
 to others in their turn. 
 
 UNTRUTHFUL CHILDREN. 
 
 "What I prize so highly in my little daughter," said 
 a mother to me of her four-year-old child, "is her strict 
 truthfulness. She has never, so far as I have been able 
 to discover, told me anything but what was strictly 
 true." 
 
 Truth is beautiful always, and never more so than 
 
26 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 when childish lips utter it. But all parents cannot 
 rejoice, as could this one, in the strict truthfulness of 
 their little ones. Sorry as we may be to admit it, we 
 all know that there are little children who tell false- 
 hoods, and that some of them are notorious for this 
 propensity even at a very tender age. Many a parent 
 grieves deeply over this failing in a little one, and won- 
 ders in despair what can be done to make the child 
 more truthful. 
 
 Some of the methods employed to correct the fault 
 are worse than the fault itself, especially so since it 
 is the parent who employs them, the one who ought 
 to understand the child's nature and be able to adopt 
 kind and intelligent treatment suited to its wants. In- 
 stead of seeking the cause of untruth, the first effort is 
 to impress upon the child's mind the enormity of a lie 
 and its direful consequence something entirely be- 
 yond the child's comprehension; then it is made to 
 understand that severe penalty must and will be meted 
 out for such offences. It was not uncommon, when 
 the writer was a child, for parents, after inflicting 
 punishment, to tell their children, with all the sem- 
 blance of truth and earnestness that if they (the chil- 
 dren) continued to tell lies the "black man" would 
 surely get them a fabrication which has caused many 
 a little heart to palpitate with terror. 
 / Of course children should be taught that it is wrong 
 I to lie, taught to speak the truth and to act the truth, 
 I but irrational and false teaching will not convince them 
 \>f the one or incline them to the other; for they are 
 
PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE. 27 
 
 close observers, and they will soon detect the deception 
 and injustice of such teaching, and its effect upon 
 them, if continued, will be potent in developing the/ 
 very traits which the parent would suppress. 
 
 In dealing with an untruthful child the cause or 
 motive for falsehood should first be ascertained, if 
 possible. A careful study of the disposition and char- 
 acteristics of the child will, in most cases, disclose this. 
 It should be remembered always that a child's mind is 
 immature; that its understanding and interpretation 
 of things may be very incorrect, and its statements 
 concerning them correspondingly so, yet intentionally 
 true. To punish a child for lying under such condi- 
 tions is a sad and cruel mistake. 
 
 A timid, nervous child, truthful in other things, may 
 lie to hide an offence, hoping thereby to escape a 
 dreaded punishment. When we understand that the 
 usual punishments are agonizing to its sensitive, 
 shrinking nature, we cannot wonder that it makes 
 use of its only hope of escape. Let the parents of 
 such children consider that their own moral courage 
 might not be sufficient to keep them always on the 
 grounds of strict truthfulness, were penalties equally 
 severe for them impending which they could escape 
 through the agency of untruth. It is painfully true 
 that parents, through inflexible sternness and undue 
 severity, often cause their children to lie; not only the 
 above mentioned class, but those far more dauntless. 
 /Discipline is necessary in bringing up a child, but not / 
 ( such as will cause him to stand in awe of the parent, ! 
 
28 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 afraid to confess all that he has clone in a moment 
 of disobedience or forgetfulness. 
 
 A child may learn to lie from associates just as it 
 would learn to use obscene or profane language. The 
 choice of playmate is, therefore, of gravest consider- 
 ation, ^and parents cannot be too watchful in this direc- 
 tion, i Children are such ready imitators, so quick to 
 follow the examples of their associates, that, before 
 one suspects danger, contamination may begin.) It is 
 well for the mother to join her children and their 
 playmates often in their sport. When she cannot 
 spend the time in actual play with them, let them play 
 near her, where she can have an eye and ear open to 
 all that is said and done. Even this precaution will 
 not insure perfect safety, for she cannot possibly be 
 with them at all times, and there are children of shock- 
 ing habits who can be very discreet in the presence of 
 their elders. A knowledge of the child's home life, of 
 the teachings and influences that it is subject to there, 
 will aid the mother in determining if it is a suitable 
 playmate for her own child. 
 
 Some children lie almost unconsciously. A strong 
 imagination dominates them, filling their minds with 
 such vivid creations that they do not readly distinguish 
 between the real and the imaginary. Everything 
 which would stimulate or excite the imagination should 
 be withheld from such children, and patience and for- 
 bearance exercised in teaching them to discriminate 
 between fancies and real things, until the development 
 of other faculties checks the too active imagination and 
 
PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE. 29 
 
 brings it in time under the control of truth and reason. 
 Vanity, selfishness, egotism, or some other marked 
 characteristic may furnish the motive for falsehood. 
 A vain child may lie to gratify its pride, a selfish one 
 to secure the best of things for itself, an egotistical one 
 to make its own acts appear greater than those of 
 others. Whatever the characteristic, it should be care- 
 fully restrained and discipline maintained which will 
 tend to symmetrical development. 
 
 Last of the causes of untruthfulness to be mentioned 
 here, and the most difficult with which to deal, is that 
 of heredity. If the trait is transmitted directly from 
 parent to child, in addition to the natural tendency will 
 probably be the example of the parent, with its per- 
 nicious influence. Where both parents are afflicted 
 with this moral taint, the case appears hopeless indeed. 
 In the case of one truthful parent, the best that he or 
 she can do is to bring to bear unceasingly and persist- 
 ently the most powerful influences for truth and up- 
 rightness. 
 
 The cause of falsehood having been ascertained, the 
 admonition, reproof, or punishment suited to the de- 
 gree of the offence and the disposition of the child must 
 be determined. And here there is fine opportunity as 
 well as great necessity for tact and discrimination on 
 the part of the parent. Discipline effective with one 
 child may fail entirely with another child of the same 
 parents; not only may it fail, but it may be the most 
 hurtful treatment that could be given. Yet there are 
 parents who mete out to each child like punishment 
 
30 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 for like offence, then attribute the failure of discipline 
 to the great depravity of the child. To be able to 
 discriminate nicely and suit the treatment to the ex- 
 igencies of the case is a most fortunate thing for the 
 parent as well as the child. However flagrant the of- 
 fence, the child should be dealt with truthfully and 
 kindly. Other treatment is unjust and subversive of 
 the end sought. To attempt to make a child truthful 
 by telling it things which are untrue would seem so 
 absurd and unreasonable as to need no comment, were 
 it not so often demonstrated that parents do resort to 
 falsehoods to frighten their children into telling the 
 truth. "White lies" they call them, and think if a 
 second thought is given that they will do no harm. 
 But the child is deceived; it discovers it in time and 
 learns to suspect and distrust, and ultimately to practise 
 deceptions of various kinds. The effects of "white 
 lies" are so plainly and positively bad that it is hard 
 to understand how any parent who desires the purity 
 of truth in a child can resort to such doubtful and 
 dangerous measures. / Example is more powerful than 
 precept with little ones, and parents must be truthful 
 themselves, both in word and act, if they would have 
 their children so. / 
 
 Stern and severe treatment is hurtful and unneces- 
 sary. Firm and gentle discipline is safe with every 
 ( child, and it will lead the little feet into higher and 
 happier ways than can possibly be reached by other 
 means. Corrections made in kindness and consider- 
 ation have a very different effect from those made in 
 
PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE. 31 
 
 stormy haste, as often to satisfy the anger of the parent 
 as to benefit the child. Children feel keenly the wrong 
 of such treatment. Resenting it in spirit, they submit 
 to it while they must, and when old enough they defy 
 it openly and are considered wilful, impudent, dis- 
 obedient, ungovernable ; correctly so, doubtless, for the 
 parent has made them what they are. The treatment 
 has produced legitimate results. It is strange that 
 parents will employ discipline that robs their little 
 ones of a happy childhood, injures or ruins their dis- 
 positions, and ofttimes embitters their whole lives. 
 
 Many of the falsehoods which children tell may be 
 traced directly to stern and severe discipline. An inci- 
 dent whch came under the writer's observation will 
 serve as an illustration in one instance. 
 
 In a family where the mother was a great scold and 
 a practical advocate of "spare the rod and spoil the 
 child," a little daughter, just old enough to assist with 
 the dishwashing, accidentally dropped and broke a 
 glass tumbler. Being in the pantry alone at the time 
 of the accident, and dreading the storm which would 
 burst upon her when her mother discovered it, she 
 climbed quickly up to a high shelf and dropped the 
 broken dish into a pitcher there which was used only 
 on rare occasions. Time, however, brought the hidden 
 tumbler to light, and the little girl to strict account, 
 along with a brother and sister a few years older than 
 herself. Each child denying any knowledge of the 
 accident, and threats and scolding failing to bring a 
 confession, a number of rods were brought in, the 
 
32 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 children placed in line, the eldest at the head, the little 
 tumbler-breaker at the foot, and informed by the 
 mother that they would be whipped by turns until the 
 one who broke the dish confessed it. The elder chil- 
 dren took their places in the center of the room accord- 
 ing to their respective turns, and submitted to a hard 
 whipping, crying piteously and protesting truthfully 
 their innocence. The youngest took her whipping in 
 the same manner, still declaring stoutly that she knew 
 nothing about the broken dish. When the eldest was 
 called out again and the rod uplifted, pity broke the 
 stubborn resolution of the little one and she sobbed 
 out: "Don't whip her any more; I broke it." The 
 brother and sister were released from further punish- 
 ment, but the little offender received a double portion. 
 If that mother had been less severe she would have 
 known of the accident at once. The child would not 
 have thought of hiding the dish, much less of lying 
 about it, nor would two innocent children have been 
 severely punished for something about which they 
 knew nothing. Where a child is afraid to tell its 
 parent of any accident, trivial or great, the discipline 
 is essentially wrong and detrimental. Some may at- 
 tribute such treatment as has been cited to the low and 
 ignorant alone. If it were so it would be less de- 
 plorable. In the instance given, the mother was well 
 educated, of more than ordinary intelligence, exem- 
 plary in many ways, and careful and watchful of her 
 children's habits. She either failed to see that her own 
 severity caused her child to lie, or made a serious mis- 
 
PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE. 33 
 
 take in thinking that a little child's moral courage 
 should be strong enough to enable it to resist tempta- 
 tion and to bear great bodily pain for the sake of truth. 
 The most careful, earnest, and discriminating 
 parents will err sometimes, but, for the good of the 
 little ones, let it be in kindness rather than cruelty. 
 Let it be remembered, too, that childhood and youth 
 will merge into manhood or womanhood bearing the 
 lasting impress of early treatment, and marred or em- 
 bellished by it. It is the duty of the parent to make the 
 child happy, as happiness is the one condition favorable 
 to the highest and noblest development of child-life. 
 No fault or peculiarity of the child should cause the 
 parent to forget this duty or to employ discipline which 
 is not conducive to this end. 
 
 CONSISTENCY IN GOVERNMENT. 
 
 If ever consistency is a jewel it is when adorning 
 a mother's crown. Few of us, until we enter this new 
 life of motherhood, realize the sublime difficulty of 
 being like our Great Example, "The same yesterday, 
 to-day and forever/' And yet who can measure the 
 effect of this firm, consistent government upon the 
 characters of our little ones?/ What can a mother 
 who has no control over her own moods and temper 
 expect but a very imperfect and fitful obedience from 
 her children? ) 
 
 Two-year-old Johnnie feels the sting of injustice 
 
34 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 as well as an older child when mamma scolds or whips 
 him to-day for the very thing that yesterday or to- 
 morrow would not be noticed, because her mood is 
 different. His mamma has told him, perhaps, that 
 he must not run outside the gate, and has punished him 
 repeatedly for doing so. Then she announces in his 
 hearing that it is of no use to punish that child ; he 
 will run away and she can't do anything with him. 
 Liberty for Johnnie for several days without protest. 
 Then comes an unexpected trouncing when mamma's 
 nerves are unstrung, or the disobedience brings about 
 some specially trying result. Or little Alice may be 
 distinctly told that if she cannot eat her meals without 
 whining or teasing for forbidden articles she is to 
 leave the table at once. She leaves until mamma tires 
 of the tears and the disorder, when very possibly she 
 was just on the eve of success. Then indulgence is 
 tried for a while. "There! Take the pickle and hush 
 your crying. Anything to stop that noise." Hence- 
 forward "that noise" is unfailingly resorted to as the 
 surest road to victory. Then suddenly a pent-up chas- 
 tisement breaks loose, and nearly takes the child's 
 breath away. 
 
 These are only examples, but they teach the chil- 
 dren just this : If mamma is in the right mood they 
 can have and do about what they like; and sometimes 
 the poor little things guess wrong. 
 
 In an article on "Home Government" Edward Ever- 
 ett Hale writes : "A good rule for family education is 
 this: If you grant, grant cheerfully; if you refuse, 
 
PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE. 35 
 
 refuse finally. This means that your children are to 
 understand that you have not given your directions 
 thoughtlessly, and that importunity, or what they 
 would call 'teasing,' is not going to change the de- 
 cision. As you watch the children on a hotel piazza 
 in summer, in their intercourse with their mothers, you 
 can tell in a minute whether the mothers live by this 
 rule or do not. One set of children will expect to 
 carry their points by making fuss enough about them, 
 while the other set will accept the inevitable at once, 
 and make their arrangements accordingly. The latter 
 set, it may be said in passing, are not only the better 
 children of the two, but they are, in fact, the happier; 
 they get a great deal more out of life." 
 
 I believe that punishment of an offense should have 
 but one aim and object, and that is to prevent a similar 
 offense occurring again. And if all parents, before 
 they raised their hand or their voice in rebuke, would 
 stop a moment and think what would be the wisest 
 way to send that lesson home to the child's heart, there 
 would be fewer ungovernable children in our land. 
 There are parents who do this ; the behavior of their 
 children testifies for them. Such parents do not scold. 
 
 I admire the mother whose voice is always lowered 
 instead of raised when a disturbance arises. A child 
 quickly learns to govern itself accordingly, and will 
 check its storm of wrath to catch the quiet words which 
 are sure to be few and guarded. But where there are 
 two who are willing to hold themselves in check for 
 the good of their child, there are ten who will make 
 
36 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD TRAINING. 
 
 use of whatever punishment affords greatest relief to 
 their own feelings for the time being. As I heard a 
 a young mother exclaim not long ago, "There! If 
 that whipping didn't do you any good, it did me so !" 
 
 We do not all give our children credit for the far- 
 sightedness they really possess. A very small child 
 knows by the simple look in a mother's eye whether 
 she means exactly what she says or not. The look 
 and the words of an ungoverned temper will fill the 
 little soul with either fury or fear; while he will take 
 instant advantage of the yielding look which says: 
 "Oh, dear, I suppose you will have your own way 
 whatever I do." Another look is hailed with triumph 
 by the youthful offender. It is the look of unwise ad- 
 miration which says: "That is very naughty of you, 
 but you do look too 'cute for anything." 
 
 If any mother would see herself as others see her, 
 in the government of her children, let her watch her 
 little girl while governing her doll. If the child scolds 
 and shakes and spanks and uses abusive words, let 
 the mother, for the cause, "inquire within." I heard 
 a little three-year old, not knowing she was listened 
 to, say to her doll : "Dear, Mamma must punish you. 
 You have said naughty words and must have some 
 soap on your tongue. And when your hands do 
 naughty things Mamma must tie them. But Mamma 
 loves you just the same. She has to punish you to 
 make you good." I thought the mother of that child 
 might well rejoice that her little daughter had so early 
 learned the lesson of trust and obedience. 
 
PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE. 37 
 
 It is not easy, in all cases, to know just the best/ 
 thing to do ; but in puzzling over the best way to control! 
 our little ones, do not let us forget that our own wills! 
 and tempers and tongues must first be controlled, if! 
 we would be really consistent fathers and mothers. 
 
 JTHE INJUSTICE OF HASTE. 
 
 Two incidents in my experience as a mother often 
 make me sorrowful yet, although the second occur- 
 rence is now three years away. 
 
 My first little girl was to be obedient. On this I 
 was determined, and I conscientiously labored to that 
 end. When she was just three, a friend visited me to 
 whom she took a great dislike, on account of her teas- 
 ing and chaffing. It was hard to keep things smooth 
 and to make the offended little one seem as agreeable 
 as I wished her to appear, and one night came a 
 climax. She sat upon the floor looking at a book. 
 When she put it down my friend said: "Let me see 
 your book." Instantly my child said : "I don't know 
 where it is." I was shocked at a supposed falsehood 
 and said : "Let Alice take your book at once." My 
 baby looked up and said : "I can't give it to her when 
 I don't know where it is." I felt that the time for 
 firmness had arrived. I said : "If you do not get up 
 and do as I tell you I shall punish you. You have told 
 a naughty story." W T ith tears and protestations my 
 little girl arose, looked under the furniture and every- 
 
38 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 where but at the book lying plainly on the floor, and 
 declared she could not see it. So I punished her 
 sharply not with unnecessary severity; this I never 
 did. Still she said she could not find it and I pun- 
 ished her a second time. Sobbing, she put her arms 
 around my neck and said: "May I see if it's on the 
 shelf, mamma? I guess you put it on the shelf, and 
 I truly want to mind." "Put what on the shelf?" 
 I asked. "Why, the hook, mamma." Now here was 
 the misunderstanding. She had just before been play- 
 ing with a fancy button hook, which I took from her, 
 and when I said : "It was the book Alice asked for," 
 she cried, "Why, mamma, here's the book. I didn't 
 know you said book." My friend cried, and so did 
 I when the innocent, flushed child handed her the book 
 willingly. 
 
 The other circumstance was as follows : My hus- 
 band was getting the carriage to take friends to the 
 station when we discovered that the time of train de- 
 parture was ten minutes earlier than we had supposed. 
 I told my little girl to hurry to the barn and tell her 
 papa. As she did not promptly return I went to the 
 barn, found she had not been there, and, searching, 
 found her three houses away, down the street, where 
 she had been repeatedly told not to go on account of 
 a dangerous dog. Bringing her in I told her she must 
 stay at home for a punishment, instead of riding to the 
 station as she had expected. Her screams of disap- 
 pointment did not move me. Too late I learned that 
 I myself was in fault. When she was calm she said : 
 
PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE. 39 
 
 "What made you send me there, then, if it was 
 naughty ?" And on inquiry I found she had mistaken 
 my direction and gone to a barn down the street where 
 the carriage had been kept several months before. 
 Unadvised of the change she had flown to do my bid- 
 ding as she supposed. 
 
 These things may seem trivial, but they cost me 
 real agony. And I have talked them over with my 
 child, now nearly seven, who generously said : "Why, 
 mamma, we were not either of us to blame." Yet, I 
 well know that I was, for too great haste in punishing 
 for a supposed fault. I am more careful now, and my 
 second little girl has the benefit of it. I have never 
 been a severe mother; I believe I have been judicious 
 in the main, but I have had to learn that authority 
 needs to take care lest it become injustice or tyranny. 
 
 A FIRM FATHER AND A TENDER-HEART- 
 ED MOTHER. 
 
 /Where the discipline of a child is concerned there 
 are very apt to be conflicting opinions between the 
 father and mother, which often lead the one to inter- 
 fere with a method of punishment which is being car- 
 ried out by the other, j This should never be done in the 
 presence of the child, who will quickly appreciate the 
 situation and take advantage of it, for our children 
 are often wiser than we realize. For instance, we de- 
 cided that our little boy should have his ringers snapped 
 
 \ 
 
40 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 as a reminder of the determination to break up the 
 habit of sucking his thumb ; and whenever his father 
 and I were in the room with him, and the little fellow 
 would forget himself, he would bravely come up to 
 me, and, holding up his wet little thumb, he would ask 
 me to "please snap it." I was much touched by his 
 honesty until I found that his father snapped very 
 much harder than I did, and, rather than risk discovery 
 from his watchful eyes, the culprit would turn "state's 
 evidence" and plead guilty. 
 
 This same firm father is a much better disciplinarian 
 than the tender-hearted, yielding mother, and most of 
 the discipline falls to his lot. He always explains 
 quietly afterward to our boy why the punishment was 
 inflicted, and never lets him go away angry or until he 
 realizes that true love prompted the seeming harshness. 
 
 Once when this father was chastising the naughty 
 boy I ran up and begged that he might not be pun- 
 ished any more. To the surprise of both of us, the 
 brave little three-year-old checked his sobs, and, look- 
 ing up with the big tears in his eyes, he cried out: 
 "You go away, mamma, and let us alone. Papa will 
 look after me !" I confess that I meekly stole away, 
 resolving that I would never again be guilty of inter- 
 fering with the edict of justice, however severe. The 
 little sinner knew that he would not be punished a bit 
 more than he deserved, and that it was all done for 
 his good, hard as it might be. 
 
PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE. 41 
 
 A DILEMMA. 
 
 My little grandson, nearly four years of age, has al- 
 ways been difficult to manage, and yet I may say that 
 he is one of the most affectionate children I have ever 
 seen. He shows an almost passionate love for his 
 mother and grandma, and dozens of times a day he will 
 stop us for a kiss, "only one kiss," which generally de- 
 velops into a good many, accompanied by the fervid 
 declaration : "I have the dearest mamma (or grand- 
 ma) in the world." In this affection his baby sister 
 shares, but only as long as she is as good as, accord- 
 ing to his standard of ethics, she ought to be. By 
 some inexplicable process of reasoning, he has of late 
 come to the conclusion that for her to cry unless she 
 is ill, is the one unpardonable sin which must be pun- 
 ished. He has himself always accepted punishment 
 for his own transgressions in the spirit of a stoic, look- 
 ing upon it as the natural consequence of sin. More 
 than once he has come up to his papa or mamma with 
 some such remark as: "Papa, dear, I was naughty, 
 I took candy and feel sick; I must be punished." 
 Now, the same inexorable logic he would have us 
 apply to his little sister. As soon as she begins to 
 cry he will ask : "Is May sick ?" and if he is told, no, 
 he says emphatically: "She must be punished." A 
 few days ago he began to inflict the punishment him- 
 self, striking her whenever he had a chance. As long 
 as he limited himself to what appeared a playful slap, 
 
42 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 the case seemed to call for nothing more serious than 
 a corresponding punishment administered to him ; but, 
 unfortunately, the tendency to constitute himself high- 
 executioner has become stronger and stronger, until it 
 culminated yesterday in the following incident : 
 
 May awoke from her midday nap in a cross humor, 
 and Rollins asked his mother the usual question : "Is 
 sister sick?" 
 
 "No," was the reply, "but she is out of sorts and 
 uncomfortable." 
 
 "Am I sometimes out of sorts and uncomfortable?" 
 answered the little fellow. 
 
 "Yes, dear," said his mother. 
 
 "Do you let me cry when I am out of sorts and un- 
 comfortable ?" continued the logician. 
 
 "No, dear, not long." 
 
 "Must I be punished when I am out of sorts and un- 
 comfortable, and cry and cry?" 
 
 "Yes, if you go on too long." 
 
 "Then sister must be punished, too, and I will pun- 
 ish her," was his verdict. 
 
 "Sister is much younger than you and does not 
 know any better, and you can't punish her; only papa 
 and mamma can do that." 
 
 "I am going to punish sister," was the determined 
 reply ; "sister must be punished, like me," 
 
 "If you punish sister, you will be punished much 
 more severely." 
 
 "I know," he said, "but I will punish her." 
 
 And saying so, he rushed, before his mother could 
 
PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE. 43 
 
 stop him, to the crib where his sister lay, and dealt 
 her a blow on the forehead with all his might. 
 
 You may imagine the horror of his mother. The 
 little culprit stood for a moment as if dazed, then, see- 
 ing his mother's distress and hearing the redoubled 
 cries of Baby, he burst into tears and shrieked passion- 
 ately : 
 
 "I am naughty, you must punish me, and you must 
 punish sister, too ; I am bad and sister is bad." His 
 mother, being busy with the baby, paid no attention 
 to him ; but when the children had calmed down some- 
 what, she told Rollins that papa would have to punish 
 him this timie. "Will you let me tell papa?" was the 
 contented reply, and being assured that he would be 
 allowed to do so, he flew to his mamma and showered 
 kisses upon her and his sister, exclaiming: "Isn't she 
 the sweetest baby sister in the world?" 
 
 Papa had no sooner entered the house towards even- 
 ing than Rollins ran towards him with an impetuous : 
 "Papa, dear, I must be punished, I was very, very 
 naughty ; I hit baby sister because she cried and cried 
 and was not sick." 
 
 Papa dropped the little fellow whom he had just 
 taken up to kiss and said sternly: "Did my boy dis- 
 obey again ? I am very sorry to hear this. Go out of 
 the room and do not come in until I call you." 
 
 A hurried conversation between papa and mamma 
 resulted in a plan of action. Rollins was to be put to 
 bed at once, and to have no supper until he repented 
 and solemnly promised to mend his ways. True to 
 
44 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 himself, Rollins cheerfully consented to this pro- 
 gramme. He merely asked, when led to his bed-room : 
 "Will I never eat supper again?" 
 
 "Oh, yes," answered papa, "as soon as you promise 
 faithfully, like a little man, never, never to strike baby 
 sister. You may have half a glass of milk and a piece 
 of bread now, but nothing else to-night." 
 
 "I won't promise," was the answer. "I'll whip sis- 
 ter when sister is bad." 
 
 "We'll see," answered his father. 
 
 Rollins went to bed in his usual cheerful mood, chat- 
 tering to papa, who never answered. When the child 
 lay down on his pillow his father merely told him good- 
 night, without kissing him, and left the room. 
 
 Two hours passed, and papa and mamma were curi- 
 ous to know what had become of the little sinner. 
 Mamma went up-stairs, approached the door of his 
 room on tip-toe, and put her ear to the keyhole. Rol- 
 lins was tossing in his crib. She entered. He looked 
 at her quietly and said: "I am hungry, mamma." 
 
 "I am sorry," she answered, "but you know you 
 can't have any supper until you promise to be good, 
 and never to strike sister again." 
 
 "I can't promise, and I will strike sister if she is 
 bad." 
 
 Out went mamma and reported to papa who listened 
 with an angry frown. "The little fellow will have 
 to be taught a lesson, once for all," he said. 
 
 Another hour passed. This time papa went up. He 
 
PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE. 45 
 
 gently opened the door, and Rollins turned towards 
 him with wet eyes. 
 
 "I am hungry, papa." 
 
 "You know you can have your supper whenever you 
 want to, but you must first promise," etc. 
 
 "I won't promise, and I'll whip sister if she is bad," 
 sobbed the little fellow. 
 
 "Do not talk in this way," his father called out in 
 his sternest voice. "It pains me to hear you speak 
 so cruelly. Don't you love baby sister ?" 
 
 "I do love baby sister and I love papa and mamma 
 and grandma, but baby sister must not cry when she is 
 not sick." And the child sobbed convulsively. 
 
 Papa was puzzled. At last he went up to Rollin's 
 crib and said : "I know my boy will be more sensible 
 to-morrow. I'll kiss you good-night, and now go to 
 sleep." 
 
 "Good night, papa dear," sobbed Rollins; "will I 
 never eat any more?" 
 
 "Yes, to-morrow morning," answered papa, with a 
 lump in his throat, as he went out. 
 
 When his parents retired for the night, Rollins was 
 still awake. Not a word passed between them and him ; 
 only, when the light was extinguished, Rollins said : 
 "Will it soon be to-morrow morning?" 
 
 "No, you must first sleep; good-night!" said his 
 mamma. 
 
 An hour passed and another hour, and neither mam- 
 ma nor papa nor the child had fallen asleep. Rollins 
 tossed and turned, but said nothing. His father was 
 
46 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD TRAINING. 
 
 pondering upon what seemed to him the most serious 
 problem he had ever been called upon to solve. Toward 
 three o'clock in the morning the boy's deep breathing 
 at last showed that he was asleep; but he was still 
 restless, moving from side to side. "I am naughty, I 
 am naughty," he called out after a while, and again a 
 little later. 
 
 In the morning he awoke at his usual hour. He 
 was pale, but cheerful. He came to the breakfast table 
 and no one alluded to yesterday's happenings, but be- 
 fore taking his seat he asked papa: "May I eat to- 
 day?" 
 
 "Yes, you may." 
 
 "But I will strike baby sister if she is bad," said 
 Rollins. 
 
 His father did not answer, but when Rollins had 
 eaten his breakfast he said: "Now I am going to my 
 office, but before I go I want to know whether you 
 can promise me to be a good boy and love your little 
 sister." 
 
 "I am a good boy and I love my little sister and I 
 love my mamma and papa and grandma, but I will 
 strike sister when she is bad." 
 
 "You will not strike your sister and you will not 
 kiss your sister, to-day, and you will not kiss papa 
 and mamma and not grandma either, until you learn 
 that it is wrong to speak as you do," said papa as he 
 left the house. 
 
 Rollins said nothing, but his eyes filled with tears. 
 
 And here my story ends, for I write it down with all 
 
PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE. 47 
 
 the incidents fresh in my mind, and my heart full of 
 misgivings, and before we have come to any conclusion 
 as to what to do. How is this rebellious and yet loving 
 spirit to be curbed ? What has the future in store for 
 this child ? My heart bleeds as I look at the dear little 
 fellow, whose face is so expressive of manliness, and 
 whose ways are so sweet and winning, and who yet 
 is a source of deep concern to his parents as well as 
 to myself. I do not know what his father intends to 
 do if the child persists in his strange mood. That it 
 must be dealt with I clearly see ; but I dread to think 
 that sterner measures than have hitherto been em- 
 ployed may be necessary. I fervently hope that we 
 may soon find a way out of the dilemma. Perhaps 
 my perplexity and doubts may find an echo, if not an 
 answer, in the opinions of others. 
 
 WAYS OUT OF THE DILEMMA. 
 
 L 
 
 Would you allow one who has considerable ex- 
 perience in the teaching of children to make a remark 
 or two on the subject of "A Dilemma?" My advice 
 is : Leave the boy alone ! Before punishing the child, 
 pray examine the parent's words as given by the writer 
 of the article. 
 
 "Am I sometimes out of sorts and uncomfortable?" 
 asked the boy. 
 
48 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 "Yes, dear," said his mother. 
 
 "Do you let me cry when I am out of sorts and 
 uncomfortable ?" 
 
 "No, dear, not long." 
 
 "Must I be punished when I am out of sorts and 
 uncomfortable, and cry and cry?" 
 
 "Yes, if you go on too long." 
 
 Now, if instead of the last answer, the mother had 
 said: "No, because I try to make you comfortable 
 as quickly as I can," it would have been an answer 
 more according to truth, and would have satisfied the 
 boy. At the utmost he would have wondered why 
 mother is so slow about it with baby, and might then 
 have been answered by a few words, explaining how 
 he could easily locate his discomfort, while baby can- 
 not, and that it requires time for mamma to find out 
 what ails baby. 
 
 There is an innate sense of justice in children which 
 must never be disturbed. My experience is that just 
 punishment is borne by children as a fit consequence 
 of their transgression, provided they are treated fairly ; 
 that is, without partiality. 
 
 One thing children must, however, be taught very 
 early in life, namely, that punishment must be meted 
 out by the proper authorities, that even where they 
 notice an apparent discrimination in favor of some one, 
 they must not take the law into their own hands. Had 
 all the children of this land received this lesson as 
 they should, we surely would not hear of so many 
 lynchings in the South. 
 
PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE. 49 
 
 II. 
 
 In reading the article entitled "A Dilemma," I felt 
 very sorry for the little grandson as well as for his 
 parents. 
 
 My experience has taught me that, as we man- 
 age and discipline our children, so will they man- 
 age and discipline whatever they come in contact 
 with. It may be their playthings or their pets, as cats, 
 dogs or other animals. It may be their nurse, their 
 neighbor's children, those of our own flock younger 
 than themselves, as it was with this little fellow. How 
 often we see them playing with their hobby-horse, or 
 chair they have converted into one for the time being, 
 whipping and scolding it because it wouldn't mind 
 just as we, perhaps, have punished them because they 
 would not mind and obey us. 
 
 If this little grandson struck his sister, whose fault 
 was it? Was it his? How did he learn to strike? 
 Who taught him ? There must have been a time he did 
 not know how. It seems to me that the logic which 
 the little fellow used was better than most children 
 of his age are able to put into words. Nearly all 
 parents .unknowingly teach their children what they 
 afterwards punish them for doing. We do not all be- 
 lieve in inborn depravity of children, so deep that it 
 may not be overcome by the right kind of surroundings 
 and teachings. Not long since I heard a quite noted 
 physician say that it was within the power of every 
 mother to give to the world any kind of child that 
 
50 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 she may choose. How mothers may do this is a ques- 
 tion for them to ponder. 
 
 There are three forces at work that make each in- 
 dividual what he or she may be: Inheritance, en- 
 vironments and will power. ( Now, if it is by example 
 and surroundings that our little ones learn, ought we 
 not to purify ourselves and their surroundings, that 
 there may be no stumbling blocks in their way?) Let 
 us study the true method of child development as 
 taught in the principles of Froebel's philosophy and 
 by his true followers. A kindergarten training ought 
 to be free to or within the grasp of every mother. 
 Here is a chance for philanthropy, until the true kinder- 
 garten is established as a part of every public school 
 in the land. All hail the day when every mother shall 
 be a true kindergartner and every home a kinder- 
 garten. 
 
 III. 
 
 In the case of "A Dilemma," the punishment idea 
 has evidently been so strongly impressed on the boy 
 that he believes it to be his duty to administer it to 
 his baby sister when no one else does so. He believes 
 he is acting rightly and has the courage of his con- 
 victions, hence his persistence. Both courage and per- 
 sistence are admirable qualities when turned in the 
 right direction. The remedy is to convince him that 
 he is wrong no easy task, I admit. 
 
 There are many means to be used without resort- 
 ing to deprivation of food. As appealing to his lower 
 nature seemingly failed, it might answer to appeal to 
 
PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE. 51 
 
 his sense of justice. After explaining to him why 
 parents are the only ones to administer punishment to 
 children, he might be asked if he were able to provide 
 his baby sister with food, clothing and shelter, and told 
 that unless he can assume these duties and provide for 
 all her needs, he cannot expect to be allowed to pun- 
 ish her. Of course, the language used must be suited 
 to his comprehension. If this failed, restraint could 
 be tried. In this particular case I should deem it un- 
 wise to tie the offending hands, as it would probably 
 be too long a period before the lesson was learned; 
 but a strip of soft, strong cloth might be fastened 
 around his waist and attached at the other end to 
 some immovable piece of furniture, giving the child 
 freedom of movement in a limited space. Into this 
 circle the baby is on no account to be taken, as brother 
 cannot be trusted at present. As there is a grand- 
 mother available, it might be possible to separate the 
 boy from the rest of the family until he is willing to 
 obey. 
 
 His loving nature would probably succumb before 
 the chill of disapprobation manifested by all, and as 
 a last resort a severe letting alone and ignoring of all 
 but physical needs might be tried. In all cases it is 
 well to temper justice with mercy and never deny the 
 love that is unquenchable. 
 
 IV. 
 
 As the writer of "A Dilemma" is evidently in doubt 
 as to the wisest course to be pursued, and, in fact, 
 
52 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 asks a direct question, perhaps I may be permitted to 
 offer some suggestions. I do so in all humbleness, for 
 I have the greatest respect for the wisdom of grand- 
 mothers; but I have been making a study of kinder- 
 garten principles, and two things suggest themselves 
 to me in this connection. 
 
 The first is that between little Rollins's misdemeanor 
 and his punishment there seems to be no natural rela- 
 tion, no logical sequence. Rollins is very logical him- 
 self, and probably sees no reason whatever in his going 
 to bed hungry because he slapped his sister. Rollins 
 is very affectionate and really loves the little sister. 
 How would it have been, then, had he been told quietly 
 and firmly: "You have been unkind to the baby and 
 have hurt her; you may not see her again until you 
 promise to treat her well ?" Perhaps it would take but 
 a few hours of separation, perhaps even a few days, 
 but I am quite sure the punishment would have a last- 
 ing effect. 
 
 Apparently little Rollins was not animated by a cruel 
 motive in striking the baby, but merely by a logical 
 desire to punish her as he himself had been punished. 
 This brings us to the much debated ground of corporal 
 punishment. The pros and cons of this subject are 
 too well known to need repetition. From the short 
 account of Rollins, I should judge he was a child upon 
 whom striking would have the worst possible effect. 
 He is so affectionate and loving, surely he can be man- 
 aged without it. 
 
 One other point : The words "good" and "naughty" 
 
PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE. 53 
 
 seem to have been used a great deal as applied to 
 Rollins's actions. I sometimes wish these two words 
 could be eliminated from the language. To my mind 
 there is nothing so demoralizing to a child as to be 
 alternately styled a "bad boy" and a "good boy." The 
 antithesis is sharply drawn; he is praised and petted 
 when he is "good," denounced and punished when 
 he is "bad." Sometimes, I venture to say, he himself 
 does not know which is which. In my experience, the 
 very quickest way to rouse a child to anger and wil- 
 fulness is to call him "a naughty boy." As naughti- 
 ness is evidently expected of him, he will not disappoint 
 you, and he doesn't. 
 
 I have tried in my nursery always to presuppose that 
 my little boy (now three years old) is going to do 
 right, i. o., what mother wishes for; as yet he knows 
 no higher law. Any divergence is met with amaze- 
 ment on the part of his nurse and myself. We are 
 sure that he could not have meant to do wrong, and 
 we know it will never happen again. I often pass over 
 brief acts of disobedience which I know are committed 
 purely from fun or mischief or a desire to create an 
 excitement ; but if I think he really means to be dis- 
 obedient or disagreeable my surprise is great. He 
 knows well what I expect of him, however, and rarely 
 indeed 1 have to resort to more severe punishment. 
 We all know how it stimulates us to be with those who 
 expect a good deal of. us, and it is the same thing with 
 little children. 
 
 Mv heart goes out to little Rollins, lying supperless 
 
54 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 and wakeful in his crib, wondering why things are so ; 
 and I fear that he has been greatly misunderstood. 
 Such an affectionate, loving little heart should be very 
 easily led. I lay great stress on motives, and his 
 motive in striking his sister was, to his mind, a just 
 one. He did not do it from malice or unkindness, 
 and therefore he was not cruel, and he was naughty 
 only in disobeying his parents. When he fully under- 
 stands that his act deprives him of seeing the baby, 
 and when he himself is punished by gentler means than 
 being struck, I think he will be perfectly amenable. 
 
 V. 
 
 In answer to "A Dilemma," may I say that from this 
 distance the problem does not seem so very difficult ? 
 
 The parents, I think, excited by their fear for the 
 baby's safety, were rather hasty in their punishment, 
 and would have done better to defer it until the next 
 day; but the child who labored under a misunder- 
 standing, and refused to promise anything in which 
 his reason could not concur, showed only an upright 
 and veracious mind. He appears to have been reason- 
 ing in this manner : "When I cry and am not sick I am 
 punished, but when little sister cries and is not sick 
 she is not punished, therefore, either my parents love 
 her better, which is not true,' or they are not doing 
 their duty by her. They are not doing their duty by 
 her, and so I shall punish her myself." He thinks, 
 it seems, that it is his sense of justice which makes 
 
PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE. 55 
 
 ' ': Iliirti 
 him wish to punish her; but it seems to me that the 
 
 feelings of the affectionate little fellow have been most 
 aroused by the suggestion that perhaps his parents do 
 not love him so much as they do that little sister. It 
 is this, at the bottom, which makes it seem so necessary 
 to him that justice should be done. 
 
 Herbert Spencer reasons that the most effective and 
 suitable punishments are those which resemble the 
 natural consequences; that is, if a child is told not 
 to put his ringer on the stove and persists, the slight 
 burn he may get by his naughtiness is the most effective 
 punishment he can have. The most natural thing to 
 do in this case, it seems to me, would be to keep the 
 little fellow persistently away from his little sister, as 
 if he were dangerous to her. Otherwise, without men- 
 tioning the subject, the parents should soothe the in- 
 jured feelings by every loving attention they can de- 
 vise, and then, when harmony of feeling has been re- 
 established, some one might tell a story about the in- 
 jury which comes to young babies from rough hand- 
 ling, something to impress upon him their great 
 delicacy. This should not be told to him, but in his 
 presence. Another story might be told about some 
 other child, to illustrate how wrong it is for anybody 
 to punish except parents, or somebody they authorize, 
 and what mistakes such a bad person might make. 
 
 As for his refusing to promise what he could not 
 feel, nothing should be done, because if that strong 
 will should be overcome by force it certainly would 
 be injured. 
 
56 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 WHO WAS RIGHT? 
 
 "Mamma, don't punish me before you hear what 
 I have to say." Thus spoke my little fellow of eight 
 on my return from a visit the other day. 
 
 "What did you do?" I inquired, "why should I 
 punish you?" 
 
 "I brought my express wagon full of earth from the 
 woods for Mrs. Thomas, and she gave me five cents 
 for doing the work." 
 
 "You know I never allow you to take money for 
 doing favors," I replied. "You must take the money 
 back to Mrs. Thomas and tell her that you were glad 
 to do the work, but that mamma does not allow you 
 to take money for it." 
 
 "All right, mamma," he answered promptly, and 
 away he marched like a little man. But when he came 
 back, oh, what a change! His eyes were filled with 
 tears, his lips were quivering, and he was unable to 
 control himself sufficiently to eat his supper. 
 
 "Edward, now try to be a good boy," I finally said, 
 "or you will have to eat in the kitchen." 
 
 "I can't be good," he answered, "and it is all your 
 fault. I worked so hard, I think I deserved that 
 money." 
 
 _ "But you know I have often told you that you must 
 be willing to do things without being paid." 
 
 "Mamma, I did not ask for the money, and I 
 only wanted to buy little books with it, and you 
 
PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE. 57 
 
 never give me a penny, and" here he burst out into 
 sobs. 
 
 My heart ached for the poor little fellow, but I felt 
 that I was right, and I had to appear firm. Later on, 
 when the child had calmed down sufficiently to eat his 
 supper, and when I reflected on the evil effects of the 
 deprivation on his temper, doubts began to arise as 
 to the wisdom of my course. 
 
 Had I looked at the matter from the right point of 
 view? Ought I not to have made allowance for the 
 little fellow's honest pride in his labor and its just 
 reward? Should I not have shown some appreciation 
 of his desire to spend his money in a sensible way? 
 
 Similar questions may have agitated other mothers 
 in dealing with childish whims. Perhaps some may 
 enlighten me. 
 
 ANSWERS TO "WHO WAS RIGHT?" 
 I. 
 
 SHE WAS WRONG. 
 
 My heart aches for that poor boy so unjustly treated 
 by the writer on "Who Was Right?" who evidently 
 means to be conscientious, but errs so frightfully in 
 judgment. The very first sentence throws a clarify- 
 ing side-light on her utterly mistaken system : "Don't 
 punish me before you hear what I have to say!" 
 Think of the experience a child must have gone 
 through in eight unhappy years, to teach him the 
 
58 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 necessity of making a plea like that ! Think of the 
 utter incompetence for the discharge of her most im- 
 portant duties it portrays on the part of a mother when 
 a helpless child can even dream of the possibility of 
 her punishing him before a fair hearing! Then, fur- 
 ther on, "he was unable (the words are quoted, I only 
 italicize) to control himself sufficiently to eat his sup- 
 per," and his mother threatened to send him from 
 the table in disgrace! Think of punishing a person, 
 whether child or adult, because grief has spoiled his 
 appetite ! 
 
 Then, as to the main question : It is all very well 
 to tell children not to take pay for doing small favors. 
 But this is a different matter altogether. It is not a 
 small favor for a child to do hard work for a neigh- 
 bor. Would your correspondent expect Mrs. Thomas's 
 eight-year-old boy to "work so hard" for another 
 neighbor, herself, for instance, without compensation? 
 Would she be capable of the meanness of letting him 
 do it for herself without offering him some trifling 
 reward? I did hope that the story would end by her 
 giving Edward a half-dime herself as a free-will gift 
 not as payment for anything, but for "love and affec- 
 tion," as I tell my children in doubtful cases some- 
 times to buy his poor "little books" with. But no 
 she wronged him to the end, and the only redeeming 
 feature of the case is that she was sufficiently tormented 
 by misgivings, as well she might be, to induce her to 
 ask whether she was right. May God grant her grace 
 to see her error before she not only loses her boy's 
 
PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE. 59 
 
 love by embittering his most sensitive years with her 
 absurd severity, but also perhaps a more serious in- 
 jury distorts forever his sense of common justice and 
 perverts his (now apparently sound) conceptions of 
 right and wrong. 
 
 II. 
 
 SHE WAS RIGHT. 
 
 The interesting story of the writer on "Who Was 
 Right?" must have set many readers thinking. The 
 mother is evidently an intelligent person, who is de- 
 termined to carry out conscientiously her plan of edu- 
 cation. That she has doubts as to its wisdom is evi- 
 dent from her own confession, but, with all her ap- 
 parent severity, I think she was right. Her little 
 boy had been disobedient and disobedient from mer- 
 cenary motives. He must have been in the habit, if not 
 of soliciting, at least of expecting, a pecuniary reward 
 for such slight services as he was able to render to 
 others, and that is not a good habit for an eight-year- 
 old to form. 
 
 I remember reading in my school days a parable by 
 Krummacher, which turns on the disposition made of 
 three peaches given to three young boys, brothers, who 
 had never before seen the fruit. The youngest ate his 
 peach with much enjoyment and without much reflec- 
 tion, the second sold his, while the oldest gave his to 
 a sick friend. I could not then understand why Krum- 
 macher makes the father chide the second son for 
 
60 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAIXIXG. 
 
 selling his peach, with the remark, "May Heaven pre- 
 serve you from becoming a "trader;" but I have 
 learned to appreciate the wisdom of the remark. We 
 must beware of fostering unduly in our children the 
 trading instinct ; therefore, while it is easy to sym- 
 pathize with the little fellow in his disappointment, we 
 must also sympathize with the mother in her just effort 
 to encourage unselfishness in her son's heart. 
 
 The question at issue is a very important one, and 
 goes to the very root of the problem of education. The 
 little fellow reasoned well from his point of view, and 
 doubtless felt that he had a strong case, but the mother 
 looked to his future good, and wisely chose to inflict 
 what appeared to her, as well as to him, a momentary 
 hardship, rather than sacrifice a principle the justice 
 of which will be apparent to him long after the tears 
 and woes of his childhood are forgotten. 
 
 III. 
 
 BOTH WERE RIGHT. 
 
 The author of the article entitled "Who Was Right ?" 
 is evidently a conscientious parent, and not only con- 
 scientious, but fair, willing to question her own wis- 
 dom for the sake of justice to her child. 
 
 In this particular case of home government, the 
 writer must say that her sympathies are on the side 
 of the small boy, who doubtless, with proper encour- 
 agement, will develop into a sensible, industrious little 
 fellow. 
 
PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE. 6l 
 
 The idea of doing favors for the sake of kindness 
 and without reward is a good one, but subject to limita- 
 tion. True, it is not right to rear our children so that 
 they shall expect and demand a material reward for 
 every service. Virtue is its own reward to a certain 
 extent, and the true Christian gentleman, whether he 
 be eight or eighty years old, is a presence that brings 
 warmth to the soul. But when a reward, unasked for, 
 is offered, the case is different. Whether it should 
 be accepted or not depends on the sincerity of the per- 
 son offering it, and on its value relative to the worth 
 of the service rendered. And any lady would hesitate 
 about asking a child to do a task like the one men- 
 tioned unless she felt that she could compensate him 
 for his labor. When people accept our gratitude in 
 some material form, we are free to ask again for favors 
 without feeling that the obligation is entirely on our 
 side. 
 
 As to the general question of paying children, why 
 not let them have some little work for which a specified 
 sum will be given? If there is developed an unwil- 
 lingness to give unpaid-for service, this can be checked 
 by authority, parental discipline, and by the endeavor 
 to teach the principles of Christian duty and gener- 
 osity. 
 
 Most of us need a spur to labor. Little and big, we 
 all like to receive something for our work. Theoreti- 
 cally, we ought to do right because it is right, not for 
 fear of punishment nor for desire of reward ; but who 
 of us is there that is not more or less influenced bv 
 
62 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 both motives? And let us remember that the system 
 of rewards and punishments has been offered to man 
 from on high, since the time of our ancestors of the 
 Garden of Eden. In our dealings with children we 
 rarely forget the punishments; let us not forget the 
 rewards. 
 
 The writer well remembers the sense of independ- 
 ence and pleasure derived from ten cents a week, 
 earned when a little girl by "doing" all the dishes 
 during the summer vacation. Probably the money 
 was not all spent wisely, nor saved carefully ; perhaps 
 the work ought to have been done without reward 
 for the sake of "helping mother." But the weekly 
 dime gave a zest to labor, and did not lessen gratitude 
 toward the kind parent who gave the sum for the 
 sake of the pleasure it afforded a small girl to have 
 "her very own money." 
 
 A little boy whose parents encouraged his under- 
 taking little jobs about home early learned to save 
 his pennies. A small sum accummulated, the father 
 taking it at interest, until it finally purchased a bit of 
 profitable bank stock for the lad. 
 
 Without encouraging selfishness or overestimating 
 the importance of propriety, there are various ways 
 of teaching children the true value and sensible use 
 of money. Most of us can afford a penny, a "nickel," 
 \ or an occasional dime, for some special service. Why 
 not give a few pennies a week for the cheerful doing 
 of all errands asked? A little work about the gar- 
 , the weeding of flower-beds, cutting out plantain 
 
PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE. 63 
 
 and dandelion roots from the lawn, a little fuel car- 
 ried, or water brought all are tasks which, if done at 
 all regularly, are worthy of a small reward. 
 
 Beginning parental life with rather strict ideas and 
 theories on training children, the writer has, neverthe- 
 less, been brought to adopt this principle : "Give your 
 child every privilege which you can, without sacri- 
 ficing his obedience to the other parent and duty to 
 others, or running the risk of 'spoiling' him, i.e., mak- 
 ing him selfish and exacting." Let this be the feeling : 
 "I know mamma will let me if it's good for me." 
 
 IV. 
 
 THE COMPROMISE. 
 
 "Who was right?" the anxious question asked, 
 brings a desire to talk with the mother. My husband 
 and myself hold similar views, but in the town where 
 we live it is a custom to give a child who does an 
 errand or other favor (for others than the parents) 
 some money. It may be only a cent, or it may be five 
 or ten. The children expect to be paid for each and 
 every favor done. 
 
 When our little son became old enough to be called 
 on by neighbors and friends, and came home with 
 his first penny, saying: "See mamma, Mrs. So- 
 and-So gave me a cent because I went on an 
 errand," I tried to teach him to be willing to do 
 a kindness for anyone cheerfully, without expecting 
 
64 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 or desiring payment. I also spoke to such of the 
 neighbors as were likely to call on him, and requested 
 them not to pay him, saying that it was a matter of 
 principle with me, and that I was trying to teach him 
 it was a pleasure to help others. 
 
 I met strong disapproval, receiving such answers 
 as "I think you are wrong; you allow him to be 
 called from play, go up-town, and then say he must not 
 be paid for it." "\Ylvy should your child do an er- 
 rand for me or anyone else, except you, for nothing 
 when all the other children get money for it?" "It 
 is worth a few cents to me to get an errand done, and 
 if your boy goes he is going to have the money 
 whether you like it or not." "If you don't want him 
 to have the pennies you must refuse to let him do the 
 errands ; other children get cents, why shouldn't he ?" 
 
 Here was a quandary. To refuse to allow him to 
 accommodate anyone was to make him, in a way, sel- 
 fish ; to allow him to take money, ditto. What should 
 we do? Finally, we decided that, while deploring the 
 system, we could not alter the existing facts, and so 
 we say, "Do not, then, pay him every time ; if he must 
 be paid, let it be only part of the time," and we tell 
 him a child should be willing to go on an errand with- 
 out expecting payment. He is not allowed to spend 
 his money for candy, so he adds what he receives in 
 this way to various "funds." There is always the 
 Christmas bank ; stray pennies dropped in through 
 the year make the fund large enough by holiday time 
 to purchase his gifts for others, and we have great 
 
PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE. 65 
 
 secrets and plannings to get a present for each one 
 on the list. 
 
 Quite a while ago he especially wanted a certain 
 kind of cart, costing more than we felt we could af- 
 ford. We told him so, but he said no other kind 
 would make him "feel happy." A cart fund was 
 started, and slowly grew. When September came he 
 decided, without any suggestion, to let the cart fund 
 wait until after Christmas and save up the rest of the 
 year for Christmas. At Christmas he fell a trifle short 
 and decided to take some "cart money" to make up. 
 After Christmas he began to save again for a cart. In 
 February his seventh birthday came, and papa decided 
 to take what the boy had saved, adding enough to it 
 to get the long hoped-for cart, and since then he has 
 again saved for Christmas. He understood the cart 
 was bought with his money partly and was a present 
 also. I heard him tell a playmate who asked what it 
 cost, that he did not know, "because papa paid part of 
 it and part I saved up.'" 
 
 Incidentally he learned to count money and the 
 fractional parts of a dollar, exchanging cents for dimes 
 and nickles, and these for quarters and halves, and 
 again those for bills. It is not what we wished to do, 
 but it seems the best we could do under existing cir- 
 cumstances. A child feels often that a parent is un- 
 kind and hard when he is refused what other children 
 have as unquestioned rights. 
 
 Perhaps the writer of the letter may find a com- 
 promise with her boy. Might it not be well to allow 
 
66 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 him to earn money and spend it under a supervision, 
 as long as the custom is so universal that one doing 
 otherwise is thought to be strange and even cruel? 
 
 I note another point in her letter. Her little boy 
 came bravely home and told her the circumstances, 
 even though half expecting punishment. In such a 
 case it behooves us, as parents, to think twice before 
 justice is meted out. With some children, to punish 
 a fault self-confessed would tend to teach concealment 
 in future. Some children would argue, "I told and I 
 was punished; next time I'll keep still and perhaps I 
 won't be found out." Here lies a danger for some, 
 though the writer may happily not have this to fear 
 in her case. 
 
 I will add that I am accustomed to meet disapproval 
 of our "new-fangled ideas" in child-training, and in 
 many cases I am so firmly convinced of their being 
 right that I take no heed of disapprobation; but in 
 this matter I could easily see there was more than 
 one view to be taken, hence the compromise. If it 
 helps the mother even slightly to know how another 
 decided the question, I shall not have written in vain. 
 
 GOOD HABITS LEARNED AUTOMAT- 
 ICALLY. 
 
 There is only one way to eradicate badness in a 
 baby or in a man. Direct scolding is of very little 
 avail; good feelings must be made to take the place 
 
PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE. 67 
 
 of angry ones; right habits must be substituted for 
 wrong ones; happiness must be induced where peev- 
 ishness and irritation have held sway. 
 
 A baby is too young and weak and unformed to ex- 
 ercise self-control at the command of its mother. 
 But its attention is easily led away, and it can forget 
 in a minute the sources of its discomfort. Every art 
 and every device by which angry feelings can be kept 
 down, and smiles and sunshine maintained in their 
 stead (provided, of course, it is an honest art; prom- 
 ises should be sacred with the youngest babies), are so 
 much real assistance towards the formation of a gentle 
 and lovable character. Some people get their faces 
 so practiced in bright and sunny looks that they be- 
 come as automatic as the complicated movements of 
 the fingers of a pianist. Such people have a great ad- 
 vantage over those who have to make a conscious 
 effort to preserve their good temper. 
 
 Babies as well as older children can often be taught 
 to play at being good, and the moment they have begun 
 to enjoy the play they are good. I know a baby who 
 has learned to cry at command that is, she will cover 
 her face with both hands and make a very pretty noise 
 of crying. Often when she is crying in bitter earnest 
 I say to her, "Margaret, cry," and she stops at once 
 the real cry, puts her hand on her face, and begins the 
 make-believe cry. The make-believe is shown in this 
 \vay to be so poor an imitation that I wonder she is 
 taken in by it ; but, all the same, the ruse has had the 
 effect to make her forget her sorrows. This baby 
 
68 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 hates to leave her mamma and go with her nurse to 
 her own room ; but there is a painting in that room 
 that she is very fond of. Every time I say to her, 
 "Go with Annie," she cries as hard as she can cry; 
 but if I say, "Go see picture-mamma," she goes at 
 once without a word of protest. It is quite as if she 
 were a little automaton and worked exactly accord- 
 ing as her springs were touched. Another baby I 
 know is learning to talk and obey at the same time. 
 Often when she sits in her high chair and throws her 
 playthings down again and again, her mamma has 
 said to her, "No, no, no!" The other day she held 
 something out over the edge of her table, ready to let 
 it fall ; but then she stopped, shook her head, and 
 said, "No, no, no," and looked up in her mamma's face 
 for approval. It was evident that she took so much 
 delight in the newly-acquired power of co-ordinating 
 the movements of the head and of speech and of the 
 understanding, that it quite overshadowed the pleasure 
 of throwing down the toy. 
 
 RAISING BY RULE. 
 
 We have just had some visitors at our house whom 
 I was heartily glad to see depart. I hope they won't 
 come again very soon not, at least, until they can 
 come without bringing a year-and-a-half-old baby with 
 them. It was not the baby that made me lose my 
 usual serenity of soul. It was the father and mother. 
 
PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE. 69 
 
 The child was good enough better than most babies 
 would have been under similar circumstances, better 
 by far than I should have been had I been in its place, 
 knowing half as much as I know now. 
 
 These parents were raising their little Charles by 
 rule. No one must dare call the child "Charley" or 
 by any of the "baby-names" dear to baby-lovers. It 
 was "against the rule" to do so. They had called that 
 poor little thing "Charles" since the day of its birth. 
 It lived and breathed and had its being according to 
 "rules" as unalterable as the law that "changeth 
 never," of which we have all read. 
 
 The trouble began the first night. At exactly six 
 o'clock they took the baby, kicking rebelliously, away 
 from my little boy of the same age, and one a year 
 older, and carried him off up-stairs, where he was un- 
 dressed and put to bed. His parents immediately 
 rejoined us in the parlor, leaving the child kicking and 
 screaming in actual fright in the room above. 
 
 "We always put him to bed in the dark," said the 
 child's mother complacently, heedless of the shrieks 
 above. 
 
 "But he may not feel quite well after his ride of a 
 hundred miles to-day," said my wife. "Then, too, the 
 little fellow is in a strange room and a strange house." 
 
 "That makes no difference at all ; I never go to him 
 after I put him to bed, no matter how long he cries," 
 said the mother. 
 
 "Mamma! mamma! mamma!" shrieked the child. 
 "Baby 'fraid! baby 'fraid!" 
 
70 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 Then father stepped into the hall and cried out 
 harshly : 
 
 "Charles! lie still and hush right up." 
 
 Charles didn't "hush up." He was a delicate, ner- 
 vous child, and had worked himself into such an ex- 
 cited state of mind that he could not control himself. 
 His cries were pitiful. 
 
 "Charles!" cried out the father a second time. 
 
 "Would you mind if I ran up to the poor little fellow 
 for a moment?" asked my wife, greatly distressed by 
 the child's cries. 
 
 "We never have any one go to him," said the 
 mother, coldly. "He must learn to obey us." 
 
 They do not know it to this day, but I slipped out 
 into the kitchen and ran up the back-stairs and went 
 to that baby myself. The poor little soul was fairly 
 quivering with fear and excitement. His little fingers 
 clutched at me as I bent over him, and when I lay 
 down by him he clasped both arms tight around my 
 neck and lay trembling and sobbing in my arms. 
 
 I believe in rules and in systems for raising babies, 
 but there is not a rule or a system that cannot some- 
 times be set aside to the advantage of the baby. I 
 have seen children whose every movement was regu- 
 lated by a fixed and unalterable rule, and they were not 
 the happiest or the most pleasing children in the world. 
 I have known such children to break away from the 
 restraint and the irksome rules of home at a surpris- 
 ingly early age, and, once free and rejoicing in their 
 unrestrained liberty, they did things they might never 
 
PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE. 7! 
 
 have done had they not been held with such a tight 
 rein all their lives. We need wisdom and the con- 
 stant recollection that we were once children and like- 
 minded with these little ones of ours, in the making 
 and enforcing of rules for their guidance and happi- 
 ness. 
 
 AN EFFECTUAL METHOD OF SUBDUING 
 RESTLESSNESS. 
 
 I have discovered a new mode of punishment for my 
 little masculine mischief-maker of two short summers, 
 which I think may prove a source of relief to some 
 overwrought mothers. Being a boy, he actually took to 
 climbing as soon as he could walk, and as the months 
 accumulated upon his head I found that not a 
 thing was safe from his chubby grasp though it 
 reposed upon a book-case seven feet high. If a cov- 
 eted article towered above his reach after getting upon 
 the high chair, he would take his little broom and 
 brush it down, for have it he must. I spatted his 
 hands until I was tired, and punished him in every way 
 that I knew of that seemed proper with so small a 
 child but with no good results. Reason with him 
 I could not, for he would look at me with a mischiev- 
 ous smile and a twinkle in his eye, while I lectured 
 him, and seemed to enjoy his mischief in a redoubled 
 manner immediately afterward. 
 
 Something must be done, for I must have my time 
 a part of it at least for the many labors that crowded 
 
72 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 upon me, so I devised the plan of tying him up when 
 he disobeyed me in any way. I took an old "fascin- 
 ator," such as ladies used to wear upon their heads 
 for evening, which was soft and broad, easy to tie and 
 untie, fastened one end of it to a door-knob and tied 
 the other around his waist, and presto! I had solved 
 my problem. He realized that it was a punishment 
 and the effect was most salutary. Finally, I resorted 
 to the tying sometimes on other occasions. If I was 
 very busy, and he annoyed me by detaining me, I 
 would tie him, and give him his little rocker and play- 
 things with a safe length of string, and he would play 
 happily for a long time, and my mind was absolutely 
 at rest about him, while at the same time I was not 
 required to run every minute to see if he was in mis- 
 chief. The quiet of mind that this plan has afforded 
 me is of incalculable value to a mother with overfill 
 hands and overwrought nerves. A grateful relief it 
 will prove itself, I believe, to any one who will try it. 
 I am looking forward to the frequent usefulness of 
 my discovery during the approaching summer, when 
 I shall tie him with a dress-braid, allowing him the 
 full length of it, while he plays in the yard, thus pre- 
 venting his disappearing through the gate every few 
 minutes, as I have known such little ones to do. To 
 demonstrate that I have gained my point in using it 
 as a punishment, I. will say, that now if little Chubby- 
 hands starts upon a tour of mischief, a call of "Mamma 
 will tie him !" brings him to a full stop speedily. 
 
PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE. 73 
 
 INCORRIGIBLE, AND ONLY FOUR. 
 
 What advice may wisdom give to a mother at her 
 wits' end ? A certain healthy, lively boy of four years 
 seems incorrigible. No punishment affects long his 
 serenity or comfort, and nothing makes him sulky or 
 "cross." His sweet-hearted, cheerful acceptance of 
 correction betrays its non-effect upon his sense of 
 moral obligation. 
 
 Care has been taken never needlessly to punish him, 
 but he is not allowed to disobey "not allowed," and 
 yet the never-prompt obedience of this happy, irrespon-' 
 sible morsel is an unending regret to his parents. 
 Manifestations of parental sorrow induce most affec- 
 tionate sympathy and eager protestations, and the 
 blue-eyed culprit, upon whom remorse rests lightly, 
 looks cherubic in face and attitude. Punishment 
 which would crush most childish hearts disturbs this 
 happy-go-lucky hardly at all. Here is an instance 
 from countless such. A visit to the toy-shops is 
 promised, conditionally, with other rosy plans for a 
 day's amusement, all unusual, and considered to- 
 gether "great treats." Undisguised rebellion, follow- 
 ing very simple admonitions, prevents the little ex- 
 cursion. Does Lord Lawless repine? Not he. 
 "Never mind, mamma, we can go some other day !" 
 This is all he expresses of regret or contrition, and 
 fresh deeds of venture are planned at once. 
 
 This child is intelligent, most reasonable, and imita- 
 
74 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 live. He is charmingly well behaved when no es- 
 pecial temptation lures him from the path of rectitude. 
 In fact he may be a Turveydrop or a Topsy at will, 
 and how to guide so honest a little sinner is very puz- 
 zling. No deprivation nor mortification affects long 
 this dauntless spirit, and alas! "spanking" seems to 
 be the only effectual means of impression. After a 
 sorrowful talk from papa, who very reluctantly pre- 
 pares to give this punishment, the little fellow meets 
 his doom pluckily, and immediately afterward protests 
 his penitence and love and implores forgiveness. 
 
 For a day following almost angelic demeanor is 
 shown. Pantry doors are safely left unlocked. The 
 garden is not found too small for feet forbidden to 
 roam, and a very obedient, happy child greets tri- 
 umphantly the father, who has hoped much from the 
 effect of his chastisements. 
 
 Twelve hours of docility pall upon the restless boy, 
 and once more he is on mischief bent. What can be 
 done with him? Mischief alone is not a deadly sin, 
 but wilful disobedience long continued must blunt a 
 child's conscience. His mother wishes to trust the 
 little man, but out of her sight he is not to be de- 
 pended upon. He is not sly, nor is he deceitful ; he 
 simply estimates his roguery and its result, and, vogue 
 la galcre, he submits. 
 
PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE. 75 
 
 WHEN CHILDREN RULE. 
 
 I am not a patient mother, and I have a little boy, 
 twenty months old, who is not perfect by any means, 
 and almost constantly in mischief. But having been 
 an auntie before I was a mother, I learned many 
 things about little ones' ways before my baby came. 
 One truth was expressively brought out by my little 
 four-and-a-half -year-old nephew, when his mother re- 
 proved him for getting into so much mischief. He 
 said very plaintively, "Well, mamma, I must do some- 
 thing" That is it in a nutshell ; babies must be kept 
 busy or they will find mischief. One good rule for 
 even the younger babies is : never take anything away 
 from them, for my eyes were opened to the apparently 
 innocent beginnings by an older sister, the mother of 
 two children. I was visiting my former home with 
 my little boy, twenty-one months of age, where he was 
 surrounded by relatives of every class, who were all 
 too fondly ready to humor, pet, and consequently spoil 
 my little man. It was the custom to meet together 
 every morning in the family sitting-room, and before 
 going to breakfast I would ask : "Whom does Baby 
 choose this morning to carry him downstairs?" The 
 little fellow would stand uncertain, surrounded by the 
 fond grandpa and uncles, each with outstretched arms. 
 It was indeed "cunning" to see him make a feint of 
 going to his grandpa, and, just when about to be 
 caught up, whisk about and fly to the arms of one 
 of his uncles. 
 
76 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 It was a litttle scene we all enjoyed every morning, 
 until one day my sister said to me, as if paving a way 
 for something unpleasant: "I think you manage your 
 baby remarkably well, but you will not object to a 
 suggestion, will you ?" Fully assured upon that point, 
 she went on: "If I were in your place I would not 
 let my baby decide each morning as to who shall carry 
 him down to breakfast. It is very cunning to see 
 him, but I think it would be far better for you to take 
 the matter in your own hands, and tell him who is 
 to carry him down, and let him abide by your decision. 
 You think the matter a trifling one, no doubt, but let 
 me give you a little of my experience with Mary when 
 she was a year-and-a-half old. We were spending a 
 summer in the country, and every morning after 
 breakfast I walked with her in the garden. There 
 were paths which led in every direction, and when we 
 came to a turn I always let her decide which way we 
 should walk. The subject was an unimportant one, 
 and I thought if it gave the child pleasure she might 
 continue to do so. Upon our arrival at home, how- 
 ever, I found out my mistake. She at once began 
 to assert herself unpleasantly in many ways, and be- 
 came very wilful if she could not carry her point. She 
 had found it pleasant to have her own way in regard 
 to our walks, and wanted it at all times. Whenever 
 there was a point at issue I had difficulty with her, 
 and had I not been very firm with her from the first 
 my trouble with her would have continued to this 
 day." 
 
PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE. 77 
 
 It is hardly necessary to state that next morning 
 my baby was told that his grandpa would carry him 
 down to breakfast. He looked surprised, but went. 
 Since then I have been very observing, and have fre- 
 quently noticed the mistakes other mothers are making 
 in this line. Not long ago a friend called upon me 
 with her little child, not yet two years of age. It was 
 not long before the child became restless and said she 
 wanted to go home. The mother said: "O darling, 
 let mamma stay a little longer, please?" "No, I want 
 to go now," petulantly exclaimed the child. The rest 
 of the call was made up of vain pleadings with the 
 child for permission to stay a little longer; but it was 
 of no use, and off they went. It is not difficult for us 
 to see where the fault lay. The mother, of course, 
 is blind. 
 
 I have heard of a mother who wanted to spend the 
 day with some friends, but before she could accomplish 
 the setting-out was obliged to spend some time teasing 
 her little daughter to accompany her. Would it not 
 be more kind to both mother and children to take upon 
 ourselves the character of arbiter, to let them feel that 
 mother's word is not to be gainsaid, that she is wise 
 and knows best on every point? If we do not begin 
 wrong and teach our children this self-assertion by 
 appealing to them concerning every little thing we do 
 for them, our troubles in this line will be few. If 
 we do just what is best, without saying anything to 
 them about it, our law will never be questioned. 
 "Mother savs so" will be an all-sufficient reason. 
 
78 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD TRAINING. 
 
 A MEDICAL VIEW OF NURSERY DISCI- 
 PLINE. 
 
 Not long ago I had an experience that awakened 
 in my mind a train of thought which, though not in 
 any sense new, impressed me strongly. In the prac- 
 tice of the medical profession we see a side of life 
 which is not so prominent from any other standpoint. 
 I was called to attend a child of eight years severely 
 ill with that most deadly and contagious disease, diph- 
 theria. In the treatment of this malady it is a well- 
 known fact that the expedients for relief and for pro- 
 motion of recovery, in the way of sprays, gargles, and 
 kindred applications, are as multifold as they are val- 
 uable. This little girl had been allowed her own sweet 
 way in all things, and now, when she most needed to 
 be controlled, she was absolutely uncontrollable. A 
 request to open the mouth, even, was answered by 
 an outburst of passion; medicine, however palatable, 
 was rejected ; in fact, nothing could be done for her 
 relief, unless the means met her approval, without such 
 a struggle as to exhaust the little one, and so the bene- 
 fit derived from the treatment was nearly or quite coun- 
 ter-balanced by the fatigue entailed. Under these cir- 
 cumstances, the outcome of the case and the result of 
 the treatment can be easily guessed by any one who has 
 had any experience with this disease. 
 
 Now, parents, don't let this case find a parallel in 
 your family. Deal with the children in all ways as 
 
PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE. 79 
 
 you would with any one else under your authority. 
 Remember that a slight act of insubordination to-day, 
 unless corrected, is sure to be followed by greater 
 and more flagrant acts to-morrow. Long before a 
 child reaches the second birthday he understands the 
 meaning of a request or a command as well as he does 
 at twelve years, and also knows with tolerable ac- 
 curacy whether it is safe to disobey or not. We all, 
 old and young together, have an innate desire to have 
 our own way. Civil laws which are not enforced are 
 not, as a rule, obeyed, and it is an undeniable fact that 
 a rule unobserved is a hindrance to good government. 
 If we do not obey the laws of the land when they do 
 not suit our convenience, unless compelled to do so, 
 can we expect our children to do more than we our- 
 selves do? How often I have heard it said of even 
 small boys, "When his father is at home he minds 
 well enough!" Mothers, do not think you are doing 
 a kindness to your boys in overlooking their shortcom- 
 ings and screening their misdeeds. During the eigh- 
 teen years that I lived with my parents, with a single 
 exception, every promise made me by either of them, 
 whether of a pair of skates or a spanking, was fulfilled. 
 And that one exception, though certainly excusable, 
 was so unusual an event that I remember it to this 
 day. If a child will not obey when in health, you 
 may be sure that when sick he will do no better, and 
 the time is then unfavorable to begin to discipline him ; 
 yet submission at these times in some cases means re - - 
 covery, while rebellion incurs extreme danger. 
 
So OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 Do not understand me that I advocate frequent and 
 severe punishments. On the contrary. If the trans- 
 gressor is SURE to suffer the penalty of his acts, the 
 transgressions will rapidly diminish. 
 
 There is a fascination in speculation. The child 
 speculates just like his elders. When the boy tries 
 to see just how near the edge of the ice he can skate 
 he is speculating on the strength of the ice. When a 
 little larger he wants to know just how much rocking 
 a boat will stand without being overturned, and when 
 he has learned the exact state of the case he is often 
 wet through. Not infrequently children try to learn 
 the exact amount of patience possessed by their pa- 
 rents. I made the acquaintance some time ago of a 
 little two-year-old who would repeatedly defy author- 
 ity until punishment was imminent and then desist, but 
 obey just in time to escape the consequences of his 
 misdeeds. He was a very successful little speculator. 
 He would run the risk of chastisement as long as he 
 dared, and then, as sporting men say, begin to "hedge," 
 gambling on his judgment in measuring his father's 
 patience, and almost invariably was correct in his es- 
 timate. 
 
 Of all things, don't deceive your children, for they 
 will detect you, sooner or later, just as certainly as 
 your neighbor would. Don't threaten them by telling 
 them that the "rag-man" or the "black-man," or any 
 other man, will carry them off if they do not obey. 
 But especially, for the good of the child, do not tell 
 him that "the doctor will carry him off in his bag." 
 
PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE. 8l 
 
 You would wish that you had done otherwise when 
 sickness comes and the physician is unable to approach 
 the child without terrifying him, thus lessening his op- 
 portunity of treating the case successfully. If you 
 disregard everything I have thus far written, this 
 last point you are bound to observe out of regard to 
 your friends and associates. Don't make contracts 
 with the children for other people without their au- 
 thority for so doing. Many times mothers have said 
 to the little ones during my professional calls, "Now, 
 Johnny, put out your tongue like a good boy, so that 
 the doctor can see, and he will give you some candy," 
 when there was no candy within a mile; or, "the doc- 
 tor will give you a ride with his horse," when the 
 poor child might be too ill to leave his bed. If you 
 wish to be known to your children as a liar and a 
 cheat no one can prevent you, but your friends may 
 be unwilling to be a party to your deception. It makes 
 me feel as if I had been detected in a dishonest act 
 when the little innocent looks to me for his reward 
 after performing his part of the contract. 
 
 LAYING WRONG FOUNDATIONS. 
 
 Last evening, as I walked along one of the quiet 
 streets where people of more than average means and 
 culture live, my attention was drawn to a picturesque 
 group of bright, active children from three years old 
 upward, playing on the sidewalk. As is always the 
 
82 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 case where there are children of any grade or condi- 
 tion, the scene was full of interest; for one cannot 
 forget that the coming man or woman lies in every 
 child, and that, in every group of children, is the soci- 
 ety of thirty years hence good or not, as we make 
 it. And I said to myself, "Here is promise! These 
 children look as if they were understood and wisely 
 cared for." And, probably, they are exceptionally 
 favored children. The parents would say, and think 
 they said it intelligently, that the safety of the indivi- 
 dual and of the nation lies in education, and that we 
 are, therefore, justified in making it compulsory. 
 
 But what do we mean by education? And, as 
 fathers and mothers, and as citizens, how do we relate 
 ourselves to this very correct theory? What founda- 
 tion do we lay, theoretically or practically, for securing 
 the high ideal we all have as the result of a complete 
 education? Our inconsistencies are, indeed, many in 
 this respect, and grave enough to make all the differ- 
 ence between success and failure in the lives of these 
 children who are supposed to be so entirely educated 
 at the public schools. 
 
 On the evening mentioned, I saw an illustration of 
 the preparation we give that may be duplicated, in 
 spirit, in every street in the city. An hour later I 
 returned through the same street and lingered a few 
 minutes with a friend opposite where I had seen the 
 children at play. It had been very warm, and through* 
 the open windows I could hear the children fretting 
 with the oppressive heat as they were being put to bed 
 
 
PROBLEMS OF DISCIPLINE. 83 
 
 by their nurses. The fathers and mothers were on 
 the steps and sidewalk struggling with the heat, as 
 were the little ones upstairs. One little girl of two 
 or three refused to be quieted by the nurse, and the 
 mother called up to her to "bring Tillie down and put 
 her in the cellar if she did not stop crying." Here 
 were three mistakes, and one sentence expressed them 
 all.. There was entire lack of sympathy with the 
 child's discomfort fvihere was delegating authority to 
 a servant, and threatening (which is never wise dis- 
 cipline ).a cruel punishment. And probably there was 
 an untruth, for the mother could not have meant to 
 put the child in the cellar at all. 
 
 Scarcely five minutes had passed when another 
 mother called up to her baby of three who had failed to 
 go to sleep: "Mary, there is a policeman down here 
 and he wants to know what that dreadful noise is!" 
 There was silence immediately, but at what a cost to 
 mother and child ! Each of these mothers was edu- 
 cating her child to put no confidence in her statements, 
 and this education was the more emphatic and dan- 
 gerous because it was entering unconsciously into the 
 growing life. 
 
 Later, when the full-grown plant of disobedience 
 confronts these mothers, they will murmur at this 
 "degenerate age" and wonder at the influence of "bad 
 companions." Perhaps they will take the children out 
 of the public school, and place them, at great expense, 
 in some school where the "influences are not so de- 
 moralizing." Little will they suspect that they planted 
 
84 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 the tiny seed with their own hand, far back in the baby 
 life, and nourished the growing plant while it took 
 deep root among virtues which would have possessed 
 the ground alone but for this unfortunate planting. 
 And they will fail to find, in any school in the world, 
 an opportunity to undo these mistakes of their own. 
 
II 
 
 MORALS AND MANNERS 
 
DECEIVING OUR CHILDREN. 
 
 I Of necessity the mother, in nine instances out of ten, 
 forms the character of her children. If a child cannot 
 believe his mother, whom can he trust? Yet so 
 few of us are perfectly truthful to our children in both 
 "spirit" and "letter." 
 
 Can any motive in deceiving apparent necessity, 
 convenience, or even a desire to increase pleasure or 
 spare pain compensate for the injury done a child by 
 loss of perfect faith in his mother? He is sure to 
 discover a deception sooner or later. 
 
 How often a mother who would warmly resent an 
 insinuation that she is untruthful will say: "There 
 is no more candy for you, Jamie," quieting her con- 
 science with the letter of the decree. Next day when 
 Jamie sees more candy taken from the same box he 
 remembers the "no more candy," but does not realize 
 the force of "for you," and a little faith in mamma 
 is gone. Or, when Baby has a forbidden treasure, 
 mamma says: "Let me look at it, dear;" trustful 
 Baby allows mamma to "look," and the prize is placed 
 safe out of reach. It is doubtful if that request will 
 be so readily granted next time. 
 
 A few days ago, upon hearing her mother relate a 
 startling fact, I saw an expression of doubt, instantly 
 suppressed, pass over the mobile face of a bright girl 
 friend. When opportunity offered she said: "Do 
 
88 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 you know I would give anything I can think of if 
 mamma had never told me there were fairies and a 
 Santa Claus. Until I was a great girl I believed in 
 those myths, against all ridicule and reason, solely 
 upon faith in her assurances. I shall never forget 
 the shock I received when she lightly told me that 'such 
 ideas were for little girls,' and I was now old enough 
 to 'know better.' I lost then what I can never re- 
 gain implicit faith in mamma's word. If she says 
 anything surprising that horrible doubt of its truth 
 always flashes over me." 
 
 A lovely mother, one whose life is bound up in her 
 children, said to her eight-year-old daughter: "I 
 would not be a little girl and not believe in elves and 
 fairies for anything; it is one of the greatest delights 
 of being a little girl. Of course there is a Santa 
 Claus." Marjorie's trust was severely taxed last 
 Christmas, but, though she cast troubled glances at 
 mamma, the beautiful cable of perfect trust seemed 
 able to bear the strain. It must snap some day. 
 
 In most instances, as in this, the motive in such 
 deceptions is purely kindness, the idea that to believe in 
 these creations of fancy adds to a child's enjoyment of 
 them. Even if this notion were true, would the 
 pleasure gained pay for the deception practised? I 
 think, however, that comparison will invariably lead 
 to the conclusion that children who laugh most merrily 
 at and enjoy most heartily Santa Claus with his pack 
 and bells are those who know it is "all for fun ;" and 
 those who listen with keenest zest to fairy tales are 
 
MORALS AND MANNERS. 89 
 
 they who regard them as flights of fancy. As flights 
 of fancy such stories fulfil their mission. 
 
 Free play of imagination should, indeed must, form 
 an important element in the balanced development of 
 every mind. Anything but Thomas Gradgrind's : "In 
 this life we want nothing but Facts, sir ; nothing but 
 Facts !" And Dickens graphically shows some results 
 of that system. But in allowing or teaching children 
 to believe these tales written to feed their imagination 
 we defeat their very object and utility. 
 
 Another form of deception is in answers to ques- 
 tions which are beyond the years of the little inquirers. 
 Instead of saying, "When you are old enough to un- 
 derstand I will explain," so many mothers silence in- 
 quiry with palpably silly or untrue replies. Such 
 answers are a positive injury to children, hurting their 
 pride and making them suspicious. Their keen in- 
 tuition detects the deceit, though unable to correct it. 
 We know how we feel on that point, and we are only 
 grown-up children. 
 
 It is not necessary to hurt their self-respect by tell- 
 ing them that -"that is nothing for little boys and girls 
 to know ; children should not be too inquisitive ;" but 
 simply explain that when they have learned enough 
 to understand it you will tell them. I think any child 
 would be most benefited and best pleased by such a 
 reply. 
 
 Two little boys who felt too manly to believe in 
 Santa Claus were discussing their fear in the dark. 
 Both had been afflicted with the same nurse and filled 
 
90 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 with the same dread though intangible terrors 
 of the dark. They finally decided to talk it over 
 with the mammas. One came from the interview as 
 brave as a lion, his fears removed; the other very 
 doubtful. "Why aren't you afraid any more?" asked 
 timid Frank. "Because mamma says there is nothing 
 to be afraid of!" was the beautiful reply. "So does 
 mine," said Frank. "Well, don't you believe her?" 
 "Y-e-s, I suppose so; but well, she told me there 
 was a Santa Glaus, and she said Dr. Clarke brought 
 the baby in his pocket, and I know that's not so, for 
 he hadn't a pocket big enough to carry a good-sized 
 doll in." "My mamma says the way God makes 
 babies is one of the most wonderfulest things there 
 is, and when I get big enough she is going to tell me 
 all about it." Which mother was wiser? 
 
 One little girl was told to ask the doctor when she 
 wondered "how Baby got here." After struggling 
 with her shyness for days and finally screwing her 
 courage to the sticking point, she propounded the 
 momentous question. W T ith a most exasperatingly 
 patronizing manner the doctor told her that "my wife 
 says they come from Heaven in a raindrop." She 
 detested that doctor ever after. 
 
 As a child, the most distasteful expressions I knew 
 were : "Little children should not ask questions," and 
 "Children should be seen, not heard." I am grateful 
 that these former axioms are now almost dead letters. 
 Children learn far more from their questions than 
 from books. 
 
MORALS AND MANNERS. 91 
 
 Many of their queries would puzzle sages, and to 
 tell them the truth only we are often obliged to say, 
 "I do not know." Though some of us may dislike 
 to have our children feel that mamma does not know 
 everything, it is certainly better than to discourage 
 their natural inquisitiveness or give them misleading 
 replies. 
 
 Would that the children of all of us might say from 
 faith, with the little fellow: "It is so, for ma says 
 so, and what ma says is so if it ain't so!" 
 
 AROUND THE TABLE. 
 
 In these times of extremes it may be that the chang- 
 ing etiquette of the table receives an amount of thought 
 and consideration better bestowed on things of more 
 real importance. It is perhaps true that the violation 
 of society laws affects too largely the social standing 
 of an offender. A mere glance at the host of books 
 on etiquette, social customs, good manners, etc., gives 
 an inkling of this. Yet it is an unalterable fact that 
 the apparently trivial details of courteous social inter- 
 course are and must be an -index of character, and 
 among these details none stamp a man more definitely 
 than those concerning his table conduct. Nowhere 
 can the effect or lack of early training be more readily 
 remarked. It is lamentable, in view of this, to observe 
 how little thoughtful attention this matter receives 
 from otherwise careful parents. Mothers, particti- 
 
92 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 larly, often spend hours on details of the little ward- 
 robe in themselves quite trivial and unimportant 
 and utterly neglect or overlook the mistakes and 
 faulty ways at table, many of which will become more 
 pronounced with age. It is an error to suppose that 
 time will correct these. Time does not correct every- 
 thing. An observant child may, as it grows older, 
 perceive that its ways are not those sanctioned by good 
 society, and will perhaps make strong efforts to acquire 
 these, but the indescribable easy grace of one to the 
 manner born, which never slips and is never betrayed, 
 is something derived unconsciously from the surround- 
 ings of childhood. 
 
 It falls to the mother's lot chiefly to keep watch over 
 the individual ways of the little people, and often she 
 is led into one of two errors concerning them; a 
 Scylla and a Charybdis are ever ready to engulf her. 
 If she take thought for the grown-up members of her 
 household, she will perhaps consign the children dur- 
 ing meal-times to the care of a servant, and expect 
 them to acquire neat, dainty ways from one who pos- 
 sibly received her notions of the fitness of things 
 around a board where each one, armed with a two- 
 pronged fork, speared his potato in an iron pot, and 
 devoured it at his ease, jacket and all. It is unnec- 
 essary to describe in detail the unhealthy, disagreeable 
 habits of eating in vogue at some kitchen tables, and 
 these are the ways to which many little ones fall heir. 
 There are no doubt nurses and servants having the 
 natural instincts of ladies, who would lead the children 
 
MORALS AND MANNERS. 93 
 
 into correct habits as carefully as a parent could, but 
 such are rare, and a mother should see for herself 
 that certain faults, such as rapid eating, noisy drink- 
 ing, etc., faults which seem to belong as naturally to 
 childhood as to kittenhood, are patiently corrected. 
 
 Again, if, to avoid the risk of depending upon 
 others, the children are allowed to eat at the table with 
 their elders, mother often bestows so much attention 
 upon them and permits their wants and needs to trench 
 so largely upon the comfort of those about them that 
 all pleasure and repose are destroyed, and meal-times 
 become merely wearisome periods of unrest and con- 
 fusion, to be endured but not enjoyed. Yet if man- 
 aged rightly, it is perhaps the very best way for both 
 to have the little ones sit at table with their parents. 
 If made comfortable, provided with suitable food and 
 occasional quiet directions, they can have many ad- 
 vantages of which they would otherwise be deprived. 
 
 I point out then, merely as hints, a few matters 
 which have fallen under my own observation. First, 
 as to a comfortable chair. Our Dutch grandfathers, a 
 hundred years ago, settled that question summarily by 
 dispensing with a seat altogether, and a child stood by 
 the parental board until he had attained the dignity of 
 years befitting a chair. That was an uncomfortable 
 error, we think, of those Van Hasbroucks and Van 
 Ripers, and one utterly at variance with the feelings 
 and taste of their opposites, the old Greeks, who 
 pushed their love of ease to the other extreme, and 
 brought their couches to the side of the table. We of 
 
94 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 course occupy the happy mean with one fault, how- 
 ever: our dining chairs are as a rule of one height 
 for short or tall, young or old, and, as often happens, 
 are quite as uncomfortable on this account for grown- 
 up people as they must be for little ones. For these 
 latter I have often had a keen sympathy, and indeed 
 it is quite painful to witness the efforts of a child with 
 its chin just reaching above the table, or, on the other 
 hand, with its knees on a level with the dish, struggling 
 to convey a spoonful of liquid from the bowl to its 
 mouth without deluging its lap. If the high-chair, 
 then, is not outgrown, see that its occupant is not too 
 high above the plate for easy use of spoon, fork, etc. ; 
 or if an ordinary chair be used, let a cushion be pro- 
 vided to fix the desired height. But it is, in any case, 
 wise to have some little protection for the table-cloth 
 in the shape of an extra napkin, or a daintily worked 
 piece of linen, but let that ancient abomination, a 
 square of oil-cloth, or a gaudily painted tin tray, be 
 tabooed. Hungry children are not over-sensitive to 
 coarseness of texture and crudeness of coloring, I ad- 
 mit; yet I think no dinner could taste perfectly well 
 served so untastefully. 
 
 Then if there be special china for the little one's use, 
 have it good of its kind. Do not think that anything 
 bright and unbreakable is the right sort of thing for 
 a child. One seldom sees nowadays our old-time friend, 
 the gilded mug, with its unfailing inscription, "a good 
 child," or the plate with the uninteresting, badly drawn 
 monochrome of landscape in the center, but there are 
 
MORALS AND MANNERS. 95 
 
 modern perversions of form and taste to supplant them, 
 and these should be avoided. If attractive, truthfully 
 decorated china cannot be provided, there is always 
 good, plain white ware, which is at least harmless. 
 Let us, whenever we can, keep our children from con- 
 tact with the false in art as in everything else. 
 
 In the matter of neatness, a child's pride may often 
 be made an efficient help ; or perhaps some little induce- 
 ment be offered to tempt to careful ways. I remember 
 hearing of one family where after each dinner the little 
 ones were given a penny if the cloth about their plates 
 was perfectly clean, and were required to forfeit one 
 for every spot found there. This plan, however good, 
 I must confess did not always work as it was intended. 
 On one occasion a visitor observed the little girl rub- 
 bing her finger softly on the table-cloth. "What are 
 you doing, dear?" she asked. "Keep still, auntie," she 
 answered, "keep still, I'm just rubbing two spots into 
 one." 
 
 Then, as to the food itself, there is always needed 
 some careful forethought to provide enough and of the 
 right sort for the hungry little mouths. Of course the 
 menu should not be planned solely for the children, but 
 if, as often happens, some of the dishes served are for 
 various reasons unfit for childish digestions, there can 
 be some suitable substitute provided. I think that is 
 particularly true in the matter of dessert. There are 
 many things included in this course which a child is 
 by necessity denied, and I have often watched with 
 sympathetic admiration the fortitude which was exer- 
 
96 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 cised to master the overwhelming disappointment when 
 something of a very attractive appearance was set aside 
 as "not good for little folks." Some harmless dainty, 
 if but a bunch of grapes or an orange, might have 
 taken the place of the indigestible compound, and the 
 disappointed little soul been made happy. Do not 
 think I make too much of the pleasure of eating: I 
 merely look at it from the standpoint of a child, who 
 lives in its joys and sorrows rather more intensely than 
 we older folks do. To a child few things count for 
 trifles. 
 
 Last and most important, the ways of the child it- 
 self the reverent quiet during grace, the polite answer, 
 the right use of fork and knife, spoon, glass, bowl, etc., 
 the manner of masticating the food, the part he should 
 take in the conversation all these are matters over 
 which a mother must keep constant guard for at least 
 three or four years and often much longer. But what- 
 ever correction has to be made, let it be done unob- 
 trusively, particularly when others are present. No 
 one, least of all a parent, would willlingly wound the 
 childish sensitiveness, which, after all, is infinitely more 
 precious than faultless manners and dainty ways. 
 
 THE MORAL TONE OF A CHILD. 
 
 The father of a bright little boy of five years was 
 surprised one day, as they were taking a walk to- 
 gether, by the child's saying gravely, after a long and 
 
MORALS AND MANNERS. 97 
 
 unusual silence : "Papa, I don't know but I ought to 
 offer up my mamma!" 
 
 "Offer up your mamma, my son ! What do you 
 mean?" 
 
 When thus asked to explain himself, with a manner 
 that indicated the relief it was to ease his full heart, 
 the child told of the doubts or perplexities which had 
 beset him since one Sunday, two weeks before, his 
 Sunday-school teacher had dwelt with fervor upon 
 Abraham's sacrifice of Isaac. It had seemed to the 
 bewildered little boy that to please God by offering up 
 the mamma he loved and depended on, and never lost 
 sight of if he could help it, would be an act worthy 
 of his performance. 
 
 He was doubtless a peculiarly ambitious boy. He 
 had told his mamma one day that he intended to be 
 so much better than Jesus that the people would love 
 and worship him, instead of Jesus, after he got to be 
 a man. 
 
 A child like this, whose confidence in his mother is 
 absolute, so that he may be said to think aloud to her, 
 gives insight into the mind. There is a readiness to 
 accept statements, and yet at the same time to ponder 
 over them and adapt them to their own use ; to make 
 practical the ideas and theories of teachers, which 
 should be borne in mind by those dealing with children. 
 The tendency of children to dwell upon the notion of 
 God springs undoubtedly out of the attraction they 
 feel for all that is mysterious. All observing parents 
 have noticed with interest, and in some cases with 
 
98 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 alarm, the fascination children find in the thought of 
 the omnipresence of God. This is expressed by the 
 little boy who said that he did wish God wasn't always 
 around seeing everything, and by the girl of four, who, 
 vexed with her dog for following her after he had 
 been sent back several times, gave utterance to this 
 withering remark: "It is bad enough to have God 
 always tagging around, without having you!" Still 
 another little boy expressed this same feeling by say- 
 ing to his mother in a whisper, after he was in bed: 
 "If God keeps being around so, I shall send a police- 
 man after him." 
 
 These children have not been taught to look upon 
 God as a bug-a-boo, but have developed the notion 
 from being taught to pray to Him as a loving Father. 
 There is, however, nothing in this interest in these 
 conceptions which has much effect upon the real life 
 of the child; it does not seem to bear much relation 
 to his acts ; and if from it we infer that he has a clear 
 perception of right, we will wrong him. Herbert 
 Spencer says that all parents and teachers should guard 
 against a tendency to demand too high a moral tone 
 in a child. We must not expect his acts to conform 
 to a high standard until his moral nature is developed 
 and cultivated. Upon this point all philosophers agree 
 Spencer, who, with Darwin, has studied the English 
 child ; M. Perez, who has observed the French child 
 with minuteness all agree with that older student of 
 human nature whose statement that the heart is desper- 
 ately wicked has never been successfully controverted. 
 
MORALS AND MANNERS. 99 
 
 To feel, then, that our children, in committing 
 naughty acts, are straying away from goodness, are 
 losing some fine qualities which they brought into the 
 world with them, are detaching those "trailing clouds 
 of glory," which the poet's eye, not the mother's, sees 
 clinging to them, at their advent into this world, is 
 far wide of the truth. 
 
 "Our child," says the German philosopher, Rosen- 
 kranz, "is only a possibility capable of growth in all 
 directions." And Tolstoi makes Dolly, a Russian 
 mother, say: "You speak of the moral training; you 
 can't imagine how hard it is ; just as soon as you have 
 conquered one crop of weeds, others spring up and 
 there is always a fight." 
 
 "Do you know," said a young mother, the other day, 
 "I am afraid the baby has a terribly selfish disposition, 
 he is really selfish!" She had yet to learn that it 
 would be impossible for him to be anything else, for 
 some time; that selfishness like a rough and thorny 
 hedge protects the individuality of each soul. I Because 
 the moral nature is undeveloped, we are not to be 
 discouraged if the child is actuated by the lower, when 
 there are two motives for action. For example: if a 
 boy refrains from retaliating when stones are thrown 
 at him, because he is likely to be punished at home 
 for it, instead of from the purely moral reason that 
 it is wrong to throw stones, a gain is made. He has 
 refrained, and has controlled himself to that extent. 
 This is one step, and possibly not a short one, in hh 
 upward progress in morals. 
 
100 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 A philosophic study of childhood is not only a 
 delight to the intellect, but is a sustaining power in 
 the heart. It becomes an incentive to patience and 
 to hope amounting to an inspiration. The old cat who 
 cherishes with a beautiful devotion her family of blind 
 kittens, has never been seen to manifest impatience 
 with them because of their blindness. She waits with 
 a placid wisdom worthy of our thoughts until day 
 dawn for them also. 
 
 That children sometimes know that what they do 
 is wrong, is of course true, but let any reflecting mother 
 speak candidly, and she will tell you if she has coun- 
 seled, as she ought, with her memory that she has 
 condemned in her own children acts which she her- 
 self, as a child, committed, unconscious of their of- 
 fensive qualities. Take this most common practice 
 of childhood : taking advantage of mother when she 
 has visitors. She used to do it herself, and she knows 
 that the one feeling that filled her mind was an urgent 
 and unquenchable desire. She saw that circumstances 
 rendered it possible to gratify it, and so she asked for 
 what she knew would, under ordinary conditions, be 
 denied. In her own children she thinks it a lack of 
 respect and even of affection, but in herself as a child 
 she knows it was not. It was wrong, but not so 
 wrong as it appears; just as the breaking into the 
 conversation, and trying to show off pretty little ways 
 which have been laughed at and admired, may not 
 spring from wholly wrong motives, and ought not 
 to be so considered. 
 
; MORALS AND MANNERS. IOI 
 
 To keep the thought in mind that the moral plane 
 of the child is distinct and different from that of the 
 mature man and woman must certainly help parents 
 to exercise tenderness, which, however, need not in- 
 terfere with the dictates of common $ence. 
 
 HOW TO DEAL WITH THE C 
 OF OUR NEIGHBORS. 
 
 I flatter myself that I have solved satisfactorily the 
 problem of how to deal with the children of neighbors 
 so as to avoid annoyances. 
 
 In the first place, I go on the principle that while 
 the children of neighbors are playing on my premises, 
 without their parents, they must obey me exactly as 
 my own child does. Experience has taught me that 
 they will mind what is said to them, if you will only 
 speak to them as firmly as you would to your own child 
 who might be transgressing in a similar manner. 
 
 If the parents are with the children it is quite a 
 different matter. I remember one occasion on which 
 two little girls of a neighbor were playing here very 
 quietly with my little boy, when, presently, their 
 mother came to call upon me. During the half hour 
 that she stayed her little ones acted about as badly 
 as they could, and as they never before had acted 
 when in my house. They raced through the house, 
 slamming doors after them, ran between their mother 
 and me, and made so much disturbance that we could 
 
102 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 hardly hear ourselves speak; and yet, beyond saying 
 in a despondent tone that she "did not know what 
 did make the children act so," the mother made no 
 effectual effort to restrain their lawless conduct. Had 
 any or*.e,e$sje<;j3en the visitor I would have sent them 
 from the room without any compunctions, but I felt 
 -that if.tfteir mother could endure such behavior I had 
 no right to interfere. 
 
 I find that I can force obedience on my domain 
 even from children who are in the habit of doing 
 pretty much as they please at home. But I will say 
 that I did not begin in this way. At first I was as 
 timorous about reproving other people's children as 
 any one could be, but I soon found that I should be 
 completely at the mercy of the young tormentors if 
 I should let that continue; and so I took a decided 
 stand, and since then have had but little trouble. 
 
 And yet I can recall only one instance when 1 actu- 
 ally sent a child home, and that was a little girl who 
 had the whooping-cough, from which I was sedulously 
 guarding my boy. But I have often managed in such 
 a way that the children have gone voluntarily, and that 
 without feeling in the least hurt, although a few min- 
 utes before they might not have thought of leaving. 
 To illustrate: my little boy has so many admiring 
 relatives that he rejoices in a large number of hand- 
 some toys and picture-books. Most of his playma:es 
 are from two to five years older than himself (he is 
 only three), and I have often noticed a tendency in 
 them to come here not for the sake of John, but on 
 
MORALS AND MANNERS. 103 
 
 account of his possessions. I do not object to this 
 in the least, as long as peace reigns among them ; but 
 if, by reason of their neglect, my little one becomes 
 fretful and unhappy, I feel that an injustice is done 
 him, and I have a very simple way of adjusting the 
 difficulty. 
 
 If it is a pleasant day I send the visitors all out-of- 
 doors; if not, then into another room to play, thus 
 parting them from the fascinating playthings. Under 
 these circumstances they will either be contented with 
 something which will amuse them all equally, or else 
 will go quietly home without a suspicion that I have 
 wanted them to do that very thing. Again, if they 
 linger when it is time for John to eat his early supper, 
 I say: "Now, dear, say good-night to your little 
 friends and ask them to come again to-morrow." Al- 
 though this is a practical dismissal, it does not hurt 
 their feelings as they would be hurt if I should say 
 bluntly: "Now, children, it is time for you to go 
 home." 
 
 My most sensible neighbor limits her little daughter 
 as to time when she lets her go anywhere, and this 
 child will say when she first enters the house: 
 "Mamma says I may stay an hour." And when the 
 hour is passed she expects to be told of it. I commend 
 this practice to the mothers of all children who are 
 old enough to go visiting without their parents. 
 
 I was once tried with a regular "Paul Pry," but 
 she is cured now, since I have kindly but firmly re- 
 fused to let her into rooms or closets where I may 
 
104 
 
 OUR SUCCESS IX CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 be working while she is around. As to the parlor, I 
 never allow my little boy to take his company there, 
 although he enters it freely when alone, for he has 
 been trained not to touch the pretty things which it 
 contains. If little visitors go in there of their own 
 accord, I quietly call them out. A child who is rude 
 enough to do such a thing will not have its dignity 
 much offended by a rebuke. 
 
 Occasionally mothers have said to me: "I hope 
 that my children do not trouble you. They like to 
 play with your little boy and I trust you to send them 
 home when you are tired of them." I invariably 
 answer them that I do not mind their coming at all 
 as long as they will obey me while in my house. 
 
 If after that a mother should be offended at me 
 because I had taken her at her word, I should simply 
 consider her too inconsistent to be worth minding. 
 But as a matter of fact I have never had a dispute 
 with a neighbor on any subject, and as the children 
 continue to flock here, 1 conclude that the parents can- 
 not consider them much abused. 
 
 THE EARLY FORMATION OF REGULAR 
 HABITS. 
 
 The little people come into the world in utter igno- 
 rance ; and why, since they must learn one way, should 
 we not teach them the right way, the way most con- 
 ducive to their good and our mutual comfort? Why 
 
MORALS AND MANNERS. 105 
 
 teach them a hard way, a wrong way, and then give 
 them and ourselves the trouble of "breaking them in" 
 afterward? A responsibility rests on the parents' 
 shoulders that is worthy of thought. 
 
 The first day of their lives is none too soon to 
 lay them down awake and let them fall asleep when 
 they get ready; the first day is none too soon to feed 
 them at regular hours, or to begin to establish any 
 good habit. It will be the work not of one day but of 
 many; but let us take care never to teach them any- 
 thing they will have to unlearn, f Habits are much 
 easier to form than to break.") The great point will 
 be for us to keep firmly on in tne good way, and there 
 can be little doubt that our cares will be greatly les- 
 sened thereby. It is not severe treatment, because the 
 children know nothing else, and because they are 
 spared many trials and sufferings consequent on over- 
 indulgence in any way. 
 
 Do not keep the children away from the family 
 table. Better spoil the table-cloth and break a plate 
 than spoil the children. They soon learn. Many 
 good habits may be established without their con- 
 sciously performing any task punctuality, by having 
 to be always ready when "Bessie rings the bell ;" neat- 
 ness, by having to be neatly dressed, with hair nicely 
 brushed, and by having hands always washed after 
 a meal before being allowed to play ; deference, by not 
 being allowed to interrupt conversation, at the same 
 time taking part in it. It will strengthen the family 
 bond, and surely there should be no safer place for 
 
Io6 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TKAINING. 
 
 them than with their parents. Let us remember that 
 "example is better than precept;" the little imitators 
 will learn much more readily and effectually what 
 they see us do than what we tell them to do. 
 
 SHARP AND FORWARD CHILDREN. 
 
 If in the former days of New England children were 
 repressed and kept in the background, surely to-day 
 that objection cannot be brought forward. On the 
 other hand, our children East and West are nowadays 
 encouraged to "speak their minds," their opinions are 
 listened to, and often their advice asked, as if their 
 experience were fully equal, if not superior, to that 
 of their elders. While the former method had its 
 serious drawbacks, our modern custom certainly has 
 its disadvantages. 
 
 The pretty little golden-haired girl toward whom 
 your heart inclines, as she enters your friend's sitting- 
 room, fresh from her bath, rather checks your ardor 
 when in answer to your "How do you do, my dear?" 
 she answers, "I don't do at all, but I feel pretty well," 
 and nods her head and looks at you as if waiting for 
 your applauding laugh. The mother says reproach- 
 fully, "Why, child !" but smiles approvingly. 
 
 The little boy of another acquaintance is reading. 
 You ask him if he is fond of stories, and remember- 
 ing your own delight in certain famous books, mention 
 them. "Oh! they're rather nice" patronizingly 
 
MORALS AND MANNERS. 107 
 
 "but he made two or three mistakes I noticed;" or, 
 "That book I liked rather well, but the last half has 
 too little adventure, and the hero grows rather stale 
 on your hands." You open your eyes, and have some 
 curiosity to know what book the boy does like. You 
 ask rather timidly in regard to this, that, and the 
 other, but all have their faults and drawbacks, and are 
 dissected coolly and critically. The mother, who en- 
 ters before you are through, says : "Yes, Stephen is 
 so quick to see all defects in the books that he reads ; 
 his teacher says it is very remarkable in so young a 
 boy, and shows unusual quickness of perception." 
 You say nothing, but the thought will intrude itself, 
 is not the loss of warm enthusiasm and keen delight 
 over a book and author something? Will such pre- 
 cociousness make up for this loss ? We remember that 
 even the great Macaulay dearly loved certain not very 
 fine works of fiction, and could not see their faults. 
 It rather comforts us to think of this. We remember 
 how our childish heart glowed over some noble action, 
 and how we longed to be better ourselves after reading 
 of it. 
 
 A child of an acquaintance of the writer sat in the 
 room during a call. After the visitor left the child 
 said immediately: "That lady made one mistake in 
 grammar while she sat there, and mispronounced two 
 words," quoting them. The same evening she over- 
 hears her mother saying to the father : "It is remark- 
 able how Elsie notices mistakes in language; it seems 
 to jar upon her sensitive ear as discords affect a 
 
IOS OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 musician." The child fancies herself at once an excep- 
 tion and marvel, and prides herself upon it accordingly. 
 How much better if that mother had said to the child 
 after her criticism upon her caller: "Yes; but, my 
 dear, is that all you noticed? Just think of failing 
 to hear that beautiful account Mrs. Clare gave of her 
 trip down the St. Lawrence, and of the wonderful work 
 of the Children's Aid Society. You see you only half 
 heard these, and they were worth many little slips in 
 language, however important they may be." 
 
 We remember, too, the little child who, amid a 
 chorus of admiring relatives urging him on, goes the 
 length of calling his grandfather an extremely offen- 
 sive nickname. The mother exclaims : "O Freddy !" 
 in a shocked voice, but Freddy hears mamma and 
 aunts repeating it to callers next day amid peals of 
 laughter. Freddy thinks that he is an extremely 
 bright boy, and longs for another opportunity of dis- 
 playing his smart speeches. 
 
 The young girl from school enters the parlor as 
 you and the mother are discussing matters of keen 
 interest to you. Laura seats herself, after bestowing 
 on you a good-humored nod of recognition, and im- 
 mediately joins in the conversation. If she interrupts 
 you, no matter. Her mother turns to her and waits 
 to hear her opinion first. It gives the girl ease in 
 conversation ; and timid girls are so awkward and un- 
 interesting! Your talk is interrupted, and your little 
 chat with your friend is spoiled. 
 
 Then there is the child on the street-car and railway- 
 
MORALS AND MANNERS. 109 
 
 train, showing off for the benefit of the passengers ; and 
 this is not always the child of vulgar, common people, 
 but of the so-called "upper classes." And as a rule 
 its efforts are not checked, but encouraged by a sweet 
 smile. 
 
 Nothing can be, nothing is, lovelier than bright, nat- 
 ural, even if faulty, children; but do not let us en- 
 courage them to be sharp and pert. Very few Young 
 Americans need such encouragement. Rather do they 
 need the restraint and wholesome neglect of mother 
 and friends. Thus, without being a whit less bright 
 and observing, they may gain the grace of modesty, 
 and the unconsciousness than which nothing is more 
 charming and attractive. 
 
 BABIES AT PUBLIC MEETINGS. 
 
 I should like to say a word on the impropriety of 
 taking young children to public meetings and assem- 
 blies not especially intended for little folks ; and, lest 
 I. should say too much, I will merely give an experi- 
 ence of mine last summer. 
 
 I then attended an out-door meeting of considerable 
 interest and importance, where several .prominent gen- 
 tlemen were to speak, and, being awarded a seat near 
 the platform, settled myself for an afternoon's enjoy- 
 ment. But I "reckoned without my host," for a short 
 distance from me sat a lady with a child of about two 
 and a half years ; directly behind her was a boy of about 
 
{10 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 the same age, while a few seats further back was a 
 babe of perhaps fifteen months. The day was warm 
 and the large audience was for the most part unshaded, 
 except by umbrellas ; so it was not surprising that these 
 children were soon hot, tired, and restless. The little 
 one nearest me was an incessant talker, and all her 
 mother's commands, added to the black looks of the 
 persons within earshot, did not serve to still the tongue, 
 which prattled on unweariedly. Presently the boy be- 
 gan. He was "tired" and wanted "to go home;" and 
 the poor baby joined in the chorus, fretted and fussed, 
 was handed from mother to father and back again, 
 promised unlimited supplies of cake and ice-cream if 
 she would be "good," but without avail, until at last 
 the pitiful whine degenerated into a regular scream, 
 and baby was carried off on papa's arms, with "Come, 
 get a 'nana," and the mamma's stage whisper following 
 them, "Don't think of giving her one." By this time 
 the services were nearly over. I had strained every 
 nerve in my effort to hear, and heard only enough to 
 tell me what I was missing; while the annoyed faces 
 around, and the comments I heard as I passed out, told 
 plainly enough what others besides myself had experi- 
 enced. 
 
 Now, why could not these children have been left 
 at home ; or, if there was no one with whom they could 
 be safely left, would it not have been better, more con- 
 siderate at least, for the mothers to have also stayed 
 at home than to have spoiled the afternoon's pleasure 
 of a number of people? And surely parents cannot 
 
MORALS AND MANNERS. Ill 
 
 feel very comfortable in seeing their little ones a source 
 of trouble and annoyance to their neighbors, whether 
 they be friends or strangers. 
 
 RELIGIOUS EDUCATION OF CHILDREN. 
 
 That the children of many pious parents fall away 
 from the beliefs and even from the morals taught in 
 their childhood homes is too commonly known to be 
 contradicted. It is often said that a minister's son is 
 usually wild, and not long since a discouraged mother 
 remarked : "The woman with no children ought to be 
 thankful. It seems as though the children who have 
 been taken the most pains with were most ungrateful." 
 Her son had disgraced his family by the vilest dissipa- 
 tion and ended his home career by an escapade that 
 took him into the far West to hide himself. I have 
 heard many wonder about this boy. He was always 
 sent to Sunday-school and taken to prayer-meeting 
 when he was yet small enough to be controlled. And 
 all the strictest denominational discipline was brought 
 to bear on his rearing. 
 
 Some who view this sort of ruin after a similar fam- 
 ily history say at once that it is the natural outcome of 
 repression; that they who have cards and dancing at 
 home, they whose families have liberty to come and 
 go, will not by and by suffer from the antics of the 
 children who violently break away to freedom. It is 
 well for the world that besides those who advocate the 
 
112 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 encouragement of indulgence, believing that "like cures 
 like" even if given in allopathic doses, and those who 
 make child life distasteful and irksome through re- 
 straint and unyielding opinion, there are others who 
 add good judgment to good intention, and so rear good 
 citizens. "The worst punishments in life are the pun- 
 ishments for ignorance/' and these punishments bow 
 down many a loving parent, and are visited upon 
 children even to the third and fourth generation. 
 
 In spite of "black sheep," it can never be true that 
 the children who "are taken the most pains with" do 
 not repay it. There would be no hope in life for a 
 mother if this were so. On the contrary, the child re- 
 ligiously educated may have his future pretty surely 
 forecast. The promise is to us and to our children. 
 
 The trouble seems to be that there is a misapprehen- 
 sion as to what religious education is. Countless num- 
 bers who have been from infancy familiar with church 
 services in every form, and with family worship also, 
 have no religious education. Christian training in- 
 cludes these things, but it is not complete without other 
 helps. Even the addition of much Scripture, though 
 in the Scriptures we think we have eternal life, v/ill not 
 complete it. The most dangerous infidels can quote 
 Scripture enough to confound the faith of many. Only 
 the right food, assimilated, gives strength to the body. 
 Only the right food, assimilated, gives religious 
 strength to the character. The fruit of the Spirit is 
 love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, 
 faith, meekness, temperance. No amount of teaching 
 
MORALS AND MANNERS. 113 
 
 that produces not this fruit is toward religious edu- 
 cation. 
 
 I It is usually the mother on whom the child depends 
 
 i for the upbuilding of moral character. What, then, 
 
 ' shall the mother do ? Scores of maxims spring to 
 
 mind "Line upon line, precept upon precept;" "here 
 
 a little, there a little ;" "example is better than precept," 
 
 and many of that kind. More and dearer, "Suffer little 
 
 children to come unto me." 
 
 In the task before us the church and home must 
 work together. From the home into which the child 
 is first received, those of us who favor infant baptism 
 take our babies and assume for them solemn vows. 
 Most of us mean it at the time. But how many of us 
 live with the pledges before us ? I have known plenty 
 of children to grow to adult age ignorant of the fact 
 that they had ever been baptized. Whether or not the 
 child has been taken to the house of God for consecra- 
 tion, he certainly should early become acquainted with 
 church service. My oldest child has seldom been ab- 
 sent from morning service since she was twenty months 
 old unless I was myself detained. Her sister, after a 
 trial, at twenty months proving more restless, was kept, 
 at home until two years of age. After that she soon 
 learned suitable decorum. 
 
 Many consider it a cruelty to oblige little ones to go 
 to church. It may be so. I never found mine any- 
 thing but glad to go; I think I have not been im- 
 portuned to take them home half a dozen times. I 
 never left the church before dismissal except once. 
 
II 4 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 What can a little child do at church? It can keep still 
 if it has been taught to obey, and obedience is the first 
 step toward religious education. The mother who 
 helplessly declares, "I can't prevail on John to go to 
 church," when John is fourteen years old, simply didn't 
 prevail early enough. Doubtless many children could 
 not attend church for physical reasons before four or 
 five. Each mother must judge for herself. But 
 mothers who will shut up five-year-old children in 
 school-rooms for five or six hour a day, to breathe 
 vitiated air and grow stoop-shouldered, need not fear 
 to keep the same children in church once a week for 
 one hour and a half. 
 
 The question of behavior in church is a serious one. 
 Half the grown people are not too decorous. If there 
 is to be a better showing twenty years hence it should 
 begin now. Then teach the child to observe order. 
 It is Heaven's first law. When the congregation stands 
 the child should stand; when the choir or congrega- 
 tion sings let the child, old enough to do it, find the 
 hymn and keep the place. In prayer time what rever- 
 ence may be taught by the bowed head and closed 
 eyes ! Though this last is too hard for the very small 
 child, yet as soon as it and like observances can be 
 taught, the child becomes a participant, to a certain 
 extent, and not a mere observer. And we learn to love 
 what we share. 
 
 Were children early taught a decent regard for 
 proper forms of worship, we should see less disrespect 
 among adults. Yet reverence for these things depends 
 
MORALS AND MANNERS. 115 
 
 not alone on conduct in public. If, on returning to its 
 home, the child hears the sermon criticised, the man- 
 ners of the preacher discussed, his faulty language, 
 construction of sentences and mispronunciation of 
 words deplored, and the shortcomings of members 
 commented upon, surely neither reverence nor love, 
 nor gentleness, will be the fruit of that spirit. 
 . The avidity with which children learn all uncharit- 
 ableness is simply appalling. Having thought myself 
 usually free from the habit of criticism, I fell, as those 
 do who think they stand. One morning at table, after 
 attending prayer-meeting the night before, I took ex- 
 ceptions to the harrowing account, given by a good 
 brother, of his struggle with a gold ring he had worn, 
 and his final triumph, the banishment of the ring, and 
 his great advance, spiritually, thereafter. After my 
 next prayer-meeting my daughter of seven asked: 
 "Well, mamma, did you have any more fun at prayer- 
 meeting after hearing that silly man talk about rings ?" 
 To attempt to make a grown Christian out of a child 
 is an awful wrong. "I'll be a good child, indeed I 
 will !" is as far as it can profitably get. I have wit- 
 nessed such overcrowding of children in prayer-meet- 
 ings as must make angels weep. It is not uncommon 
 in some communities to see those so young that they 
 ought to be in bed and asleep, not only robbed of rest, 
 but of ingenuousness, by the mistaken persuasions of 
 those who mean well but do ill. Children cannot com- 
 prehend the spiritual experiences of their elders, and 
 as soon as they affect them they become hypocrites. 
 
Il6 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 Often urged on by the desire to be made much of, 
 these small dissemblers pray and speak publicly with 
 the assurance of vanity. The papers not long since 
 gave accounts of a girl of ten who read the Scriptures 
 and exhorted night after night. The mouths of babes 
 shall speak praise and a little child lead, but not thus. 
 
 Our children should early learn to know how to 
 answer the question, "Is it right?" as applied to their 
 daily actions toward their parents, brothers, sisters 
 and playmates. To bring a child's conscience to 
 healthy sensitiveness is half of its religious education. 
 To teach the child honest and ready obedience to the 
 dictates of such a conscience is the other half. All 
 other things follow the added knowledge, the clearer 
 vision, the more perfect comprehension of the mean- 
 ing of doctrines and beliefs. 
 
 The children need religious education. They would 
 get more of it if parents would bear in mind that it 
 cannot be successfully imparted without common 
 sense. 
 
 PARENTAL EXAMPLE AT THE TABLE. 
 
 I chanced to take dinner at the Bottoms' cottage not 
 long since. The Bottomses are good people, who lit- 
 erally live by the sweat of their honest brows. They 
 are farmers in easy circumstances, and, though plain 
 country people, the paternal Bottomses are well edu- 
 cated, and are endeavoring to give their children a 
 good education also. During the repast little Jimmie, 
 
MORALS AND MANNERS. 117 
 
 the youngest of the Bottoms' scions, tilted or propped 
 his plate on one side with a bit of bread in order to 
 keep his molasses in due bounds. His mother in- 
 stantly rebuked him for doing so. I confess I could 
 not see that the little fellow deserved the reprimand; 
 for we must all agree that it is much more pleasant, 
 where a saccharine fluid like molasses or honey is 
 eaten from a plate in conjunction with sundry other 
 viands (as children in the country are wont to eat), 
 to have the sweet, semi-liquid biscuit lubricator con- 
 fined to one side of the plate to prevent its dissemin- 
 ating itself over all the available surface of the piece 
 of table crockery. 
 
 But even admitting that Jimmie did infract the laws 
 of table propriety a little in behalf of his gastronomic 
 pleasure or convenience, his disapproving mother had 
 no right to rebuke him ; for before the meal was over 
 I observed her dip her knife into the dish of boiled 
 rice and shovel out a mouthful more than once! I 
 had heard before that Mrs. Bottoms made a habit 
 of removing what butter was left upon the plates after 
 a meal, and putting it back into the butter-dish, and 
 that she would even take the bits of bread and biscuit 
 which the children left, and cook them up into a 
 bread-pudding for the next day's dinner; but I was 
 surprised to see her guilty of such a breach of table 
 manners as to eat from the dish of Vice. That was 
 such a striking contrast to Jimmie's tilting his plate 
 that I could not fail to notice it. 
 
 But this was not the only shock my delicate nerves 
 
118 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 were destined to suffer ere the close of that memor- 
 able dinner. The old gentleman, finding an incon- 
 venient quantity of "pot liquor" in his plate, with 
 the utmost nonchalance drained it off into the dish 
 of turnip-greens which sat near him! 
 
 Now, if the Bottomses were uneducated people 
 these gross violations of good breeding might be over- 
 looked on the score of ignorance; but they are not 
 uneducated. The old gentleman (for he is a gentle- 
 man despite his infractions of the proprieties of life) 
 has a genuine Latin vellum diploma from an old and 
 once very popular college; and Mrs. B. was for a 
 number of years a successful teacher in a high-school. 
 Her inconsistency in rebuking her little boy for tilting 
 his plate, and then, within five minutes, dipping into 
 the rice-dish with her knife, forcibly reminded me of 
 the beam and the mote. 
 
 It also reminded me of the little three-year-old 
 whose paternal relative was harshly scolding him for 
 some childish misdemeanor, winding up his parental 
 philippic with: 
 
 "What makes you do such naughty things, anyhow, 
 Tommy ?" 
 
 For a moment little Tommy was silent apparently 
 at a loss how to answer such a weighty question ; but 
 he suddenly adopted the Yankee's tactics by asking 
 in reply: 
 
 "What makes you do naughty things yourself 
 sometimes, papa ? You are such a great big man, and 
 I am such a little boy, too!" 
 
MORALS AND MANNERS. 1 19 
 
 Ah, what a rebuke! 
 
 How can we reasonably expect our children to grow 
 up into kind, courteous, and considerate men and 
 women, unless we set them proper examples? 
 
 WHO DESERVES THE CREDIT? 
 
 If there is anything that will exasperate a sensible 
 woman, married or single, it is to hear a mother, 
 whether from weakness of character or indifference 
 it matters not which say that her children are not to 
 be restrained in any manner, for she wishes them to 
 be perfectly natural. 
 
 The average child in its natural state is usually 
 voted a nuisance by disinterested parties. No one 
 would allow a pet animal to have its own way, to live 
 uncurbed. Does any one expect an ivy to grow in 
 a desired direction without any training? Yet there 
 are mothers who regard children as not coming under 
 the range of natural laws. 
 
 I once knew a mother of several small children who 
 allowed them to jump with their boots covered with 
 mud upon richly upholstered furniture, to trample 
 upon the newly made flower-beds, and to play ball 
 in the parlor. The children's wills were never curbed ; 
 their manners were rude. The house showed that 
 the children had full liberty; everything was out of 
 repair. In justification of their conduct, the mother 
 would blandly reply that she had never spoken a cross 
 
120 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 word to any one of them, nor had she punished in 
 any manner any child, for she wished to be remem- 
 bered as a kind and affectionate mother. 
 
 "You will see," said she, "if my children don't turn 
 out as well as those children whose mothers are train- 
 ing them all the time." 
 
 The three youngest, a girl of nine, and two boys 
 of seven and six years, were sent to a primary school, 
 the principal of which was a lady of mild but firm 
 discipline. The management of these children was 
 difficult, and it seemed at times as if she must ask 
 to have them removed from the school. In the course 
 of a few months, however, she had conquered them, 
 and they were polite and obedient. Instead of greet- 
 ing their teacher in the street with, "Hello, Miss 
 Brown!" the boys would raise their hats, and the 
 little girls would bow gracefully. The mother, entire- 
 ly unmindful of all the trouble the teacher had under- 
 gone with these little ones, coolly said that she knew 
 her children would grow up all right, for any one 
 could see that they were improving all the time. 
 
 "Jennie will be a nice girl when she gets older and 
 has more sense," said an amiable mother, in answer 
 to a grandmother's remark that Jennie was self-willed 
 and ought to be controlled. Child though she was, 
 she had the power to make guests wish to shorten 
 their visits. By the time Jennie was eleven years old, 
 her mother found herself unable to control her. She 
 made life at home unbearable for her two younger 
 brothers, so she was sent to a boarding-school. The 
 
MORALS AND MANNERS. 121 
 
 first year she was there it took the combined efforts 
 of all the teachers to look after her. Undisciplined in 
 every way, untidy, impertinent, never saying anything 
 without whining, the child was unpopular with teach- 
 ers, pupils and servants. In course of time she found 
 that she had to come under rules. Her voice assumed 
 a more cheerful tone. Habits of neatness were 
 formed, and her manners greatly improved. Yet in 
 contrast with children carefully trained from infancy 
 she does not now appear to very great advantage. 
 The watchful care of conscientious teachers may pos- 
 sibly overcome the mother's lack of discipline, and 
 Jennie develop into a refined, gentle young woman. 
 The mother does not yet acknowledge any fault on 
 her part in the training of her daughter, but con- 
 fidently expects that she will be an accomplished, love- 
 ly young lady. 
 
 How much credit does this mother deserve? Do 
 not such examples prove the rule, rather than the 
 exception, that a child properly trained will be more 
 likely to turn out well than one that is neglected? 
 When a boy or girl, whom a mother has not trained, 
 develops into a noble man or a lovely woman, it is be- 
 cause some one else has performed the mother's duty. 
 
Ill 
 
 WAYS AND MEANS IN THE 
 NURSERY 
 
WHAT NOT TO DO. 
 
 One of the most important, and yet seemingly one 
 of the hardest, lessons for busy mothers to learn, is 
 what not to do. Every mother of little children who 
 has but little help and moderate means must always 
 find many more things that seem necessary to be 
 done than she has time and strength to do, and it is 
 important that she choose wisely which she will do 
 and which neglect. If she does too much she wears 
 out her own strength and indirectly that of her family. 
 If she does the less important and neglects the more 
 important, she directs the thought and energies of 
 her w r hole family into trivial and unworthy channels. 
 
 One of the worst tendencies among women of mod- 
 erate means is to do too much. / Many mothers of 
 families have I known, and douotless every one can 
 say the same, who at fifty, just the age 'when they 
 ought to have been in their prime and to have enjoyed 
 the fruits of their labors and sufferings, and when 
 their children needed them as companions in their 
 work and pleasures, were broken-down women, either 
 invalids or at least very near it.] This is a sin not 
 merely against the women themselves, but against 
 their families. As I look around among my middle- 
 aged acquaintances, the women who are strong and 
 well, who are not obliged constantly to give up duty 
 
126 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 and pleasure on account of ill-health, are wofully in 
 the minority. Sometimes this comes of necessity, but 
 often, partially at least, from their own lack of wis- 
 dom. Most of them would say that they couldn't do 
 otherwise, and would be horrified at the suggestion 
 that the rooms shouldn't be dusted every day. Yet 
 who would be the worse if the infinitesimal layer of 
 dust that collects in a day were allowed to remain an- 
 other day, or if the windows were not washed just 
 so often? Who would be the worse if a dessert was 
 sometimes omitted in great press of work, or the 
 family supped occasionally on simple bread and milk? 
 No one. In fact, all would be better off. No one 
 would be the worse if the children's clothes were 
 plainer or some of the elaborate bits of fancy work 
 left undone. Men might have a few less tidies to 
 execrate, but that would be a gain to the family peace. 
 A rosy, smiling face on the mother would be pleasanter 
 to look at than all the pretty knickknacks one could 
 crowd into a room. 
 
 And, furthermore, many a child born of a tired-out 
 mother has suffered for it all its life. Is not that a 
 sin on a mother's part? No mother has any right, if 
 she can in any way help it, to bequeath a legacy of 
 ill-health and suffering to her child. It is, too, simply 
 a patent sin for a pregnant mother to overwork her- 
 self. It is a strange and twisted conscientiousness 
 which looks only at present petty details instead of 
 at future larger ends. Study, and study earnestly, to 
 see what things you do that are really unimportant, 
 
WAYS AND MEANS IN THE NURSERY. 127 
 
 and then omit them. My old college professor in 
 moral philosophy used to say that it was possible to 
 be extremely busy doing nothing, by which I supposed 
 him to mean that there was danger of feeling that we 
 were doing something when we were occupied about 
 what was of no real value whatever. For some reason 
 that saying of his stayed by me and proved a warning 
 more than once. Not that I mean to encourage slack- 
 ness or laziness, but in many families I have seen 
 things done constantly, absorbing much time and 
 strength, that were absolutely unessential to the com- 
 fort or happiness of the family. Studv^J^Qi,.jeconomize 
 time and strength as well as money. Their waste is 
 more sinful than that of money. Look at it in the 
 light of a duty to your children as well as yourself. 
 
 It is a mistake, when one has but one servant, to 
 emulate those who have more, and to overwork one's 
 self in order to keep one's house as perfectly and serve 
 as many courses at meals and dress one's children as 
 finely as do those who have more help. One of three 
 things must certainly be neglected : your children's 
 welfare, your own health (and indirectly, through you, 
 that of your children), or your housework. Who will 
 question which of the three is the least important? 
 
 Here it may not be amiss to suggest that economy in 
 the matter of hired labor should be one of the last 
 economies a tired mother ought to practise. I know 
 more than one family that has many luxuries and 
 economizes by going without needed help. The conse- 
 quences are almost invariably irremediable. One such 
 
128 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 family I knew where the daughter instead of the 
 mother was the victim. Further, many a woman who 
 tries to save herself does the less important things 
 and neglects the more important, either from ignorance 
 or lack of thought. One mother who hadn't time and 
 strength, she thought, to give her little son a daily air- 
 ing, yet rigidly adhered to several less important 
 things. Another young mother of two rollicking baby 
 boys, who says her boys are almost too much for 
 her, and often looks tired, and seldom reads, made 
 during the winter a crazy quilt of elaborate design. 
 Something entailing one-tenth the work would have 
 served the purpose just as well, if indeed any quilt 
 at all was needed. Women often argue that they 
 do those things in odd minutes when they couldn't 
 do anything else. That may be partially so, but the 
 odd minutes are often better spent in resting; and 
 almost invariably when once started on such a piece of 
 work one gets so interested in it that it consumes a 
 good deal more than the odd minutes. Then too 
 much of it makes one like a toper with drink, unable 
 to resist any novel device. A mother has no right 
 to use up her strength in such ways. Her children 
 have a right to the best of it. 
 
 To sum up all, tired mothers, study to learn what 
 parts of your daily programme of work may be 
 omitted without detriment to the highest good of your 
 family, and then omit them, using the time for rest. 
 Study carefully to see if you do not do some unnec- 
 essary things which if left undone would leave time 
 
WAYS AND MEANS IN THE NURSERY. 129 
 
 for that haunting duty which you feel is important and 
 ought to be done. Remember, too, that if you use all 
 the odd minutes in little useless things you will have 
 no time for reading, without a certain amount of 
 which you will certainly grow rusty and be unequal 
 to the pleasant duty of directing the education of 
 your dear ones. 
 
 SELF-CONTROL IN THE HOUSEHOLD. 
 
 There is no more important factor in the household 
 than self-control ; and its value is seldom rightly esti- 
 mated until a threatened danger is promptly averted, 
 or some dire consequence follows from want of its 
 possession. 
 
 A scene in my childhood stands out in bold relief 
 as I write these words. I was about eight years old, 
 and my mother had taken me to visit a friend where 
 there were several children, one an infant of a few 
 months ; and as night came on, the half-grown nurse- 
 girl took a lighted candle into an adjoining room, put 
 the baby in its crib, and left two other little ones asleep 
 on the bed, both bed and crib protected by closely 
 drawn mosquito netting. All was quiet, when sud- 
 denly a bright blaze shot up from the inner chamber, 
 and in an instant my mother's hand on my shoulder 
 pressed me down in my seat, and the tone I never dis- 
 obeyed whispered, "Keep perfectly still until I come 
 back." The next moment she was standing by the crib 
 tearing down the blazing net that covered the sleeping 
 
130 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 babe, and which had already set fire to the bed net. 
 Mrs. T. gave one horrified glance and went into a fit 
 of screaming hysterics, utterly incapable of being of 
 any use, and wakening the two elder children, who 
 added their terrified cries to the confusion. In less 
 than five minutes the danger was over, and the only 
 damage done was the loss of the netting and some 
 burns on my mother's hands. But the contrast be- 
 tween the self-control of one woman and the helpless- 
 ness of the other left an indelible impression upon 
 my mind. 
 
 At an early age I was taught to exercise self-re- 
 straint, and I am now trying to impress its value upon 
 the little ones of my own family ; and though the task 
 may not be easy, especially with nervous, high-strung 
 temperaments, yet it can be done. A child may be 
 taught at an early age that its wants and feelings are 
 subservient to its will, and then half the lesson is 
 taught. I have seen my little girl stand quiet while 
 a wasp or bee took a walk on her arm and shoulder ; 
 and once I heard her explain to a companion who was 
 bobbing from side to side at the approach of such an 
 insect, and who wondered at her being able to keep 
 still, "Why, it won't sting me if I let it alone and 
 don't move; but if I went fussing round as you do, 
 I should expect it would !" When only six years old 
 she had to undergo some exceedingly painful treat- 
 ment, and though the tears rolled down her cheeks 
 each time, she would clinch her hands and never move 
 until told she might; and yet she is so nervous and 
 
WAYS AND MEANS IN THE NURSERY. 131 
 
 excitable I am often surprised that she can exercise 
 such a degree of self-control. 
 
 Nor is the physical the only or most important side 
 of the question. The boy who learns to control his 
 appetite in early years, whether it be for the sweets 
 that are unwholesome for his body, the literature that 
 is poison to his mind, or the passions that sully his 
 soul, will seldom, if ever, yield to the temptations that 
 throng his manhood's path ; and the mother who would 
 impart this valuable lesson must do so as much by 
 precept and example as by word of mouth. She must 
 keep watch and ward over her own life, that the wise, 
 tender counsel be not lost by her own shrinking from 
 painful duty or the giving way to undue passions; 
 for children are keener observers than we think. 
 
 One of the highest compliments I ever heard was 
 paid a mother by her little boy who was being tempted 
 to evil by an older companion "My mother wouldn't 
 do that, so I won't," and he walked away, proudly 
 conscious that he had acted exactly as his mother 
 would have done in his place. 
 
 OMMEMORATION OF BIRTHDAYS. 
 
 r 
 
 le constantly recurring anniversaries of festive 
 occasions are a possible source of good of which few 
 people compute the importance. It has long ago been 
 conceded that a common interest does much toward 
 engendering good feeling between different members 
 
132 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 of the human race, as may be proved, whenever we 
 wish to prove it, by assisting some one whom we 
 really dislike. By the time the work is accomplished, 
 a certain measure of good feeling is established, which, 
 perhaps, will never again be broken down. The com- 
 mon interest has produced a certain amount of good 
 fellowship. Napoleon fully recognized the value of 
 this principle when he directed that the dome should 
 be gilded in order that the common eye of Paris be 
 turned toward an object of interest instead of in- 
 surrection. 
 
 In the preparation for the various anniversaries of 
 the seasons, the different members of the family are 
 brought together in closer communion. Little ani- 
 mosities are forgotten and pleasant thoughts are 
 stitched into the little pincushion for brother Ned's 
 pocket or into the hair-pin case for sister Sue. But 
 of all the anniversaries which return to us season after 
 season, none are so cherished as the birthdays. A 
 birthday is the peculiar property, owned in common 
 with no other, of the child itself, and to have it remem- 
 bered and observed, even in the slightest way, gives 
 pleasure incomparable. It seems to the child as if the 
 parents were so glad, in the possession of the little 
 daughter or son, that they never forgot when time 
 brought round the anniversary of thanksgiving for 
 his or her birth. Remember the birthdays, if only 
 with the tiniest gift a bunch of flowers laid on the 
 little one's plate with a loving word and a kiss. And 
 teach the children to remember each other's birthdays. 
 
WAYS AND MEANS IN THE NURSERY. 133 
 
 They in turn will want to remember yours, and you 
 will find their remembrance and thought very precious. 
 On a recent birthday, a mother received from her son 
 a cake of fine soap and from her daughter a lead- 
 pencil with a rubber on the end. Nothing very elab- 
 orate, you may well say, but bought with their own 
 little savings and given with the heartiest good- will 
 and love and received by the mother with quite as 
 much pleasure as if they had been a diamond ring and 
 a seal-skin coat. In another family where birthdays 
 have always been remembered, when the day arrives 
 the distant children remember and are remembered 
 exactly the same as when they were little. Only a box 
 of candy for mother, perhaps, or a loaf or two of 
 "mother's ginger-bread," for the absent son; but the 
 day is not forgotten, and each feels that the others are 
 glad in their possession of each other. 
 
 ADVANTAGES OF "PLAYING DOCTOR/' 
 
 I find children, as well as grown persons, are saved 
 much trouble and annoyance if their medicine can be 
 arranged in pills. Now, the difficulty is to make a 
 child take a pill ; but if the mother will waste (?) a 
 little time when the children are perfectly well, let 
 her encourage them to play at being a doctor and 
 having their sisters and brothers as patients, making 
 for them some very minute bread-pills, or even break- 
 ing into very tiny pieces some loaf-sugar as pills ; she 
 
!34 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 will find they will soon learn to swallow them as pills, 
 and the next time an illness occurs where medicine 
 can be given in this way she will reap the comfort and 
 benefit of the few moments she has thus spent. 
 
 Another plan I think good is, when a child has got 
 to take a nauseous dose, not to ask or coax it into 
 taking it. This seeming kindness only prolongs the 
 agony ; take the dose already prepared, and, with a 
 firm look right into the child's eyes, say : "Now, So- 
 and-so, take this at once, like a brave boy." And 
 do not flinch; arguing with a child only irritates it. 
 Insist, and, if you like, pet and encourage and praise 
 afterwards. 
 
 Let the doctor always be looked upon as a friend; 
 never allow a nurse to frighten with threats of the 
 doctor, but let his visits be spoken of as those of a 
 friend who is going to try and make the little ones 
 well. 
 
 THE BABY'S BANK ACCOUNT. 
 
 It is not to a baby-millionaire I wish to call your 
 attention, nor even to any baby, but to the finances 
 of a baby in very humble circumstances. 
 
 You, of course, know all about what the little fellow 
 has cost, and know what he is likely to cost, not only 
 in dollars and cents, but in wakeful, watchful hours 
 and anxieties innumerable. But after a while the 
 now costly baby will require not only schooling, but 
 business education, and a foundation upon which to 
 stand in the great money-getting world. 
 
WAYS AND MEANS IN THE NURSERY. 13$ 
 
 There are so many tips and downs with prosperous 
 people that the child of wealth to-day may twenty 
 years hence be eking out a scanty living as clerk, 
 and, on the other hand, the little fellow whose baby- 
 wardrobe is plain and limited by the same time may 
 be on the broad road to fortune. 
 
 While you sit by the darling's cradle is the time 
 to thoughtfully mature your plans for the future. 
 There are so many little trifles bought for baby that 
 might be dispensed with and the money allowed to 
 accumulate for future use. It is wonderful how nice 
 a sum may repose in one of the many saving- fund in- 
 stitutions by just a little forethought and economy. A 
 mayor in a Southern city gave on Saturday evenings 
 to his four little daughters all the dimes he happened 
 to have in his pocket. A lady of my acquaintance 
 saved all her gold-pieces for her son, depositing them 
 in bank to his credit, she acting as trustee. Another 
 lady, having a small house renting for $8 a month, 
 put the sum to her children's account in the savings 
 fund, and carefully refrained from using any of it. 
 
 I know of many instances of well-to-do parents who 
 are faithfully laying up for the children, and that in 
 a small, matter-of-fact way which would astonish 
 many with whom they mingle in society. A pencil 
 and paper and a half-hour or less spent in calculating 
 the possible accumulation of even $20 a year for 
 twenty years will show what can be done. 
 
 I had this winter in my employ as nurse a widow 
 with a little girl. She came in great distress of mind 
 
136 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 to me one day in reference to her money matters. 
 Her husband, a coachman, had had from his employer 
 each year a gift of $50, which, with other earnings, 
 had been deposited in a bank to the credit of the 
 child. The father and trustee died, and the woman, 
 in ignorance of how to proceed, had been for three 
 years unable to use any of the interest for the child. 
 The sum had accumulated until the interest would 
 clothe the little girl. I had the pleasure of securing a 
 faithful guardian for the child and relieving the poor 
 woman's mind of much anxiety, she having supposed 
 the sum could not be touched until the little girl was 
 of age. 
 
 It is a wise course for a woman to acquaint herself 
 with the process of the law in regard to the money 
 belonging to children, also to know the rates of in- 
 terest and values of property. While money in the 
 bank sometimes accumulates as fast as that otherwise 
 invested, and can be secured and used in emergencies 
 in less time than by other forms of investment, there 
 are many other ways of using the sum saved a piece 
 of land can be bought and put in baby's name, or 
 sold again and the money turned over and over. 
 
 My baby is now worth fifty dollars in his own name 
 at one year, and I trust the day will come when he 
 can begin his way in life with thoughtful preparation, 
 and be successful in what he undertakes. 
 
WAYS AND MEANS IN THE NURSERY. 137 
 
 STILL SEEKING THE NURSE-MAID. 
 
 When baby was five or six weeks old, I began mak- 
 ing inquiries for a nurse-maid for him. I was spend- 
 ing the summer in a small town where there were 
 neither intelligence offices nor newspapers to aid me 
 in my search; so I applied to the family physician, 
 thinking that in his daily rounds he might have hap- 
 pened to come across a good nurse-maid out of a 
 situation. "So you want a little nurse-girl to mind 
 the baby," said he. I replied emphatically that I did 
 not want "a little nurse-girl," but that I did want 
 a reliable woman, who understood the care and man- 
 agement of young babies. He answered that he 
 "thought there were none such to be found in the 
 town, as there was no demand for them." In country 
 places, as a rule, those mothers who have any help 
 at all in the care of their children, employ young girls 
 of from eleven to sixteen years old. In large cities, 
 among the wealthy, of course the case is different. 
 
 Every one can call to mind terrible instances of 
 bodily deformity resulting from accidents in infancy. 
 At best, the road which baby must travel is none too 
 smooth for such tender little feet, and a mother does 
 wrong who intrusts him to any but careful and ex- 
 perienced hands. The time is short when little ones 
 need such fine handling, and money is well spent in 
 securing the best possible service for them; but if 
 the luxury of a good nurse cannot be afforded, by all 
 
138 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 means let there be none at all. When I returned to 
 the city, I easily found a middle-aged woman accus- 
 tomed, as she said, to the ''entire charge of babies." 
 In spite of her experience, I preferred to keep my 
 baby with me at night, to bathe him, and, in short, to 
 overlook the management of him. This mode of pro- 
 ceeding did not suit the nurse at all, and she refused 
 to be convinced that while I did not want my baby 
 taken quite off my hands, I did not distrust her. 
 
 I had a similar experience with several of her suc- 
 cessors, and, in this way, my eyes were gradually 
 opened to the fact that, in the majority of cases where 
 mothers employed nurses of the quality that I had 
 been having, they did so with the idea of freeing 
 themselves from the care and responsibility of their 
 children. The bathing, feeding, even punishing, is in 
 the hands of the nurse. One society-loving young 
 mother, whose baby was emaciated and bore every evi- 
 dence of bad management, calmly said to a friend who 
 advised a change of diet for the little one, "My dear, 
 I have a nurse whom I pay to care for that child, 
 and I propose to let her do it. She says the baby 
 is all right, and as it is her business to know about 
 babies I don't intend to interfere. How should I know 
 anything about babies ? I never had one before." 
 
 I wish it were possible to make such mothers realize 
 that when they give birth to children, they relinquish 
 their right to sit in idle ignorance of proper methods 
 of child rearing. Of the many progressive features of 
 this period, there is none which promises more for 
 
WAYS AND MEANS IN THE NURSERY. 139 
 
 becoming a science. It already has teachers and text- 
 books. What is the meaning of the mothers' meetings 
 which one hears of all over the country, if it is not 
 that the women of to-day wish to give their children 
 the best possible chance for right development, moral- 
 ly and physically, and that they realize their need of 
 instruction as to the best methods ? The illusion that 
 a mother's love and intuition are sufficient guides in 
 bringing up a child, is a dangerous one, and every en- 
 lightened, earnest mother ought to lend a hand in 
 dispelling it. Few seem to realize that the impres- 
 sions received before the seventh year are the most 
 lasting in life. It is then that habits of thought and 
 action are formed, and "habit molds character and 
 character makes destiny." 
 
 Then can we be too careful about the environments 
 and influences which surround little children? The 
 part that the nurse-maids play in a child's life is a \ 
 prominent one. Are they, as a class, fit persons to 
 put an everlasting impress upon the tender minds of 
 little children? The genus nurse has been under my 
 close observation for several years. In city and coun- 
 try, on the street cars, in the parks, in my own nursery 
 and in those of my friends, everywhere that children 
 and nurses were, I have watched and listened. As a 
 class (though there are many exceptions), they are 
 ignorant, superstitious, untruthful, ililogical; unable 
 even if they would, to reply properly to the earnest 
 questionings of their little charges, governing them 
 
140 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 by exaggerated threats, and by arbitrary, unreasonable 
 punishments, and amusing them with far-fetched and 
 pointless stories. 
 
 The truth is, we need, in the nursery, a higher grade 
 of woman, both as to physical education and moral 
 development. We must begin far enough back in our 
 training, so that there shall be no false impressions 
 and bad habits to overcome. The ideal nurse for 
 children will be a person of vigorous health, buoyant 
 and optimistic, and yet even in temperament. Con- 
 sciously or unconsciously, she will be imbued with 
 the ideas found in such books as Harriet Martineau's 
 Household Education, Spencer's Education, and Rous- 
 seau's Emile. She will have a rudimentary knowledge 
 of the Froebel System, and will have acquired correct 
 ideas of diet, baths, ventilation and all matters per- 
 taining to hygiene during babyhood. 
 
 At present no person even approaching this standard 
 is to be had as nurse-maid, and what is to be done? 
 It is well for a mother to be separated for a time, 
 each day, from her children ; she comes back refreshed, 
 and brings new life with her. But all mothers agree 
 that half the pleasure and benefit of an outing is gone 
 if she leaves the little brood with the haunting fear 
 that some harm may befall them in her absence, that 
 they are not happily employed, or that hurtful ideas 
 are being instilled into their young minds. As a dis- 
 ciple of the theory that "there are no inevitable evils," 
 I believe that the training-school for nurse-maids will 
 be the next step in the progress of education. In the 
 
WAYS AND MEANS IN THE NURSERY. 141 
 
 knowledge of the importance of their influence, those 
 who have the care of children would find an inspira- 
 tion in their work, and the position would become a 
 dignified one in the household. Many girls are study- 
 ing the Froebel System who have not the originality, 
 nor the executive ability, to be successful kindergart- 
 ners. As trained nurses for children such young 
 women would fill a needed place, and in fulfilling their 
 duties with heartfelt conscientiousness, they would be 
 helping on the progress of humanity. 
 
 THE NEED OF EDUCATED MOTHERS. 
 
 There seems to be a somewhat prevalent opinion 
 that a college education fits a woman for almost any 
 position she may wish to occupy but that of wife and 
 mother. She may with propriety be a teacher, or per- 
 haps a physician ; but if she use the same qualities 
 that so well adapt her to be the guardian of the minds 
 and health of the children of others in rearing her 
 own children, her education is deemed as lost or 
 worthless. 
 
 The same opinion also exists in regard to girls 
 who, although not college-bred, have received the ad- 
 vantages of a so-called liberal education. Public opin- 
 ion finds expression in such phrases as "How much 
 better off is she than such-an-one who never had any 
 education?" "She'd better have done something with 
 her education before she settled down." 
 
142 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 The place above all others^ where an educated 
 \Voman is needed is the home, especially the home of 
 those in moderate circumstances, where the mother, 
 with a little outside help, does her own work and at- 
 tends to her own babies. The influence of an educated 
 woman in such a home can hardly be estimated. It 
 may look to others as if her time had been wasted and 
 her education were useless, but she herself feels the 
 advantage. It is probable she did not have a special 
 training for her duties, but her habits of study, her 
 interest in the advancement of the race, and her de- 
 sire to do whatever she does in the best possible way, 
 lead her to select the best methods of caring for her 
 children. 
 
 I claim that a girl with a college or a liberal educa- 
 tion does have a special training for motherhood. Not 
 in the sense, of course, that she has experimental 
 knowledge of baby-tending. That is the lot of com- 
 paratively few. Her course of study has given, or 
 should have given, her a comprehensive knowledge of 
 physiology, and what it teaches in regard to food for 
 different ages; a practical knowledge of hygiene, in- 
 cluding baths, ventilation, exercise, and a few general 
 rules in regard to care for the sick; a knowledge of 
 chemistry, including the chemistry of food; a knowl- 
 edge of psychology, giving her an interest in the de- 
 velopment of the mind and the formation of habits. 
 An additional knowledge of other "isms" and "olo- 
 gies" is by no means to be despised. Happy is the 
 mother who has the assurance within her that she 
 
WAYS AND MEANS IN THE NURSERY. 143 
 
 is capable of leading her sons and daughters in their 
 studies and occupations until they reach manhood and 
 womanhood, and happy are the children of such a 
 mother. 
 
 If, however, the mother instinct, with good common 
 sense, is lacking, neither a college education, nor a 
 liberal education, nor any amount of special training 
 can supply the deficiency. Educating or training is 
 only a drawing out or developing the qualities one al- 
 ready possesses and no system, nor teacher, nor book 
 can furnish the qualities that go to make a good 
 mother. 
 
 THE CHARMS OF BED-TIME. 
 
 How often do we hear a mother say, in tones of 
 intense self-approval: "I never have any trouble 
 putting my children to sleep. I put them to bed and 
 leave them, and they know it's no use crying or mak- 
 ing a fuss ; they have to lie there and go to sleep, 
 whether they want to or not." And the woman will 
 smile complacently, and show you by her manner that 
 she thinks you very foolish to waste your time rocking 
 your children to sleep, singing to them, and telling 
 them stories. The thought of tender little children 
 being put to bed as soon as undressed, and left to go 
 to sleep by themselves, perhaps conjuring up visions 
 of "hobgoblins" or other dreadful things, is actually 
 barbarous to my mind. I think the little hour or half- 
 hour before the "sand-man" comes should be entirely 
 given over to the little ones. 
 
144 
 
 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 Does a mother ever feel so intimately drawn to her 
 child as when she is holding the little white-robed 
 figure tightly clasped in her arms, rocking it to sleep 
 caressing and caressed in turn? This is the time 
 when confidences and confesions are easiest made. 
 The little offender feels so close to mother, and she 
 is so loving and tender, the confesion of the little 
 sins is not half so hard. 
 
 Fond memories of my own early childhood come 
 to me as I sing my baby's lullaby, and loving thoughts 
 of the dear mother who held me in her arms, and sang 
 me to sleep, until long after I was a "big little girl." 
 To this day I never hear the sweet old lullaby, "Hush, 
 my child, lie still and slumber," without going back 
 to those days. 
 
 HOW THE LADDIES GO TO SLEEP. 
 
 It is really refreshing to find that other mothers' 
 children will not lie still in bed, and that my wee laddie 
 is not alone in refusing to rest quietly in his bed of in- 
 nocence when his mother wants to claim the evening 
 as her own. One evening I had sung, in as charming 
 a manner as possible, Martin Luther's sweet cradle- 
 song, and my small boy, from beneath the white cov- 
 erlets, assured me in his soft, sweet voice that his old 
 friend the sandman was throwing sand in his eyes, 
 and he was fast asleep. I heartily rejoiced at that 
 worthy's appearance and gave a sigh of comfort and 
 relief, for I was aweary with the long day's cares. 
 
WAYS AND MEANS IN THE NURSERY. 145 
 
 Thirty little dirty fingers that testified to dabbling in 
 real estate had been duly cleansed ; three sets of small 
 white teeth brushed with their tiny brushes; three 
 sleepy brown heads smoothed to prevent the "funny 
 little rat," as Ted says, from making a nest of tangles 
 in the brown locks ; two reverent "Now I lay me's" had 
 been said, and Bertie says his too, "cause the ozzer 
 boys do," in a language somewhat Sanscritic. My 
 last labors for the small olive branches being com- 
 pleted, I seated myself to read. But alas ! for human 
 hopes on this night. Suddenly the dark eyes of the 
 sleeper opened bright as a sunbeam; then first one 
 little white foot gave a vigorous kick, then two were 
 lifted high, making, as their owner informed me, a 
 lovely tent, which reared itself up and fell alternately. 
 No ; I had reckoned without my host ; Bertie was evi- 
 dently not asleep. He began an animated conversa- 
 tion, accompanied by his sweetest of smiles, but, find- 
 ing his mamma non-communicative, he would fain 
 content himself singing, "Dare to be a Daniel," his 
 elder brother having labored patiently with him until 
 he had mastered the tune and acquired a most beau- 
 tiful growl, which was rendered under the rising and 
 falling tent. During the gymnastic and concert pro- 
 ceedings my eyes happened to rest on an ancient friend 
 of the small people, a most disconsolate-looking ele- 
 phant of a race wholly extinct. A long residence in 
 the family clothes-basket, whither he had been depos- 
 ited for the heinous offence of stealing a Christmas- 
 pie from Jack Horner and setting fire to the toe of the 
 
146 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 old woman's shoe, thereby burning her most beautiful 
 child, had told on his once noble and well-stuffed 
 frame. He was sadly dejected, minus one gleaming 
 tusk and half of an ear sadly disfigured but still be- 
 loved for the dangers he had passed. So I said to 
 the tent-maker : "Here is old Chief ; he is very, very 
 sleepy and tired, poor thing; couldn't you get him 
 to sleep, Bertie? You must be very quiet and shut 
 your eyes tight." Then Chief, whose mighty ances- 
 tors had perished 'neath African skies, went meekly 
 to bed with my little, brown-haired baby, lovingly 
 clasped in two tiny white arms. In a few moments 
 I heard a faint "Now I lay me," said in Chief's be- 
 half, then together they journeyed away to Dream- 
 land. 
 
 Another bedtime I gave the small boy a Santa Claus 
 doll, which had the same happy, soporific effect. The 
 litttle brothers often repeat the kindergarten rhymes 
 and verses we have learned together through the day 
 after they go to bed until sleep overtakes them. But 
 the old elephant, Santa, a beautiful white cat whose 
 pristine beauty and paint disappeared long since in 
 the bath-tub and a fat little pug on wheels all have 
 a quieting effect on my small boy, and I fain would 
 have you resort to the same simple experiment when 
 the sandman at night tarries long in his coming. 
 
WAYS AND MEANS IN THE NURSERY. 147 
 
 CHILDREN'S QUESTIONS. 
 
 There is an ancient piece of humor which, in slightly 
 varying form, goes the rounds of the newspapers from 
 time to time. It is perennial in its freshness and seems 
 never to pall upon the (editorial) taste. It runs usu- 
 ally in the form of a dialogue between a mother and 
 her child. The mother poses as a languid martyr 
 under the torture of an endless stream of questions, 
 poured out upon her by her voluble and altogether 
 irrepressible little son. The dialogue usually occurs 
 in a public museum or railway car, or some place 
 equally suggestive and stimulating to the infantile 
 mind, and the mother's part through it all consists 
 chiefly in such answers as "Yes," "No," "Do be quiet !" 
 "If you ask me another question, I'll have your father 
 whip you when we get home." 
 
 Now, it is not the humor of the piece that strikes 
 me. My sense of humor fails me when the victim 
 is a tender baby groping his way among unknown 
 facts. I am sure that many mothers are not aware 
 of the injury inflicted upon little children by such 
 careless treatment of their questionings. We have 
 become accustomed to surroundings that are full of 
 wonder and surprise to their young lives. Let one 
 of us suppose herself suddenly set down in a city 
 in Japan, having a guide who is intimately acquainted 
 with the place ; what more natural than that she should 
 :>ly him with questions about the strange sights; and 
 
148 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 the language being only partially familiar, what won- 
 der if the questions often seemed puzzling and absurd ? 
 How depressing it would be to the traveler should 
 her guide put off her eagerness with "Don't bother 
 me," or "Wait until you have been here longer and 
 then you will understand these things." 
 
 The child who is thus treated suffers great injury. 
 If he be a shy child, easily rebuffed, he is driven in 
 upon himself; if not, he finds elsewhere his confidant 
 and teacher, and in either case the mother loses an 
 untold influence in the child's life. The mingling of 
 the curious and the grotesque is as evident to the child 
 in the appointments and occurrences of the simplest 
 home as the same element would be to an older person 
 in a Japanese bazaar. There is the same half-learned 
 language, with its daily surprises, and the questions 
 asked indicate the difficulties in these first language 
 lessons. 
 
 Observation and common-sense both teach us that 
 a child does not ask questions merely for the sake 
 of keeping up a conversation. The question, however 
 absurd, indicates an imperfect knowledge of the sub- 
 ject, and a desire for enlightenment. For example: 
 At the table a few days ago my little son, aged five, 
 was eating the meat from that part of the chicken 
 commonly called the "wish-bone." Suddenly he 
 asked, "Mamma, why do chickens have wish-bones?" 
 I was puzzled to know how to answer this query, but 
 made a mental note of it, and the very next time a 
 chicken was sent home from market, Willie was in- 
 
WAYS AND MEANS IN THE NURSERY. 149 
 
 vited to bring his high chair up to the kitchen table 
 and see mamma dissect the fowl. Each part of the 
 anatomy was explained, together with its name and 
 function, not leaving out the "wish-bone." 
 
 Those mothers who keep a record of the happen- 
 ings and sayings of the 'nursery, will find it quite as 
 satisfactory to compare the "first questions" of differ- 
 ent children as the ages at which the first tooth came 
 through or the first step was taken. The successive 
 steps along the line of intellectual progress should not 
 be less interesting than physical growth, but more so. 
 
 V, 
 
 EARLY USE OF MEMORY. 
 
 A little boy's memory ! So receptive, so retentive ! 
 /Vhy not use it now, although so young, to fasten 
 some things in his mind that will never leave him? 
 The page is so white now, and whatever is written 
 there is almost indelible. We all know how the 
 rhymes of "Mother Goose" cling to one all through 
 life. Give him "Mother Goose" by all means. I al- 
 ways felt that I had been defrauded of one of my 
 infant rights because I was not allowed to have it ; and 
 it was almost the first book I bought for my baby boy. 
 But while learning these and the many other nursery 
 rhymes that are found in the exquisite books which are 
 now published for children, why not teach some things 
 that will be like an "anchor to the soul" in days to 
 come? 
 
1 50 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 Long before my little boy was three years old I 
 commenced to teach him a verse of Scripture regularly 
 each week. Surely that could hardly be called "forc- 
 ing his mind. We took them alphabetically, and each 
 night the little fellow repeated his "Ask and it shall 
 be given you," "Blessed are the pure in heart," "Come 
 unto me," etc., with a great deal of pleasure, and each 
 new verse was an acquirement to be proud of. 
 
 Some one may say : "He doesn't understand them ; 
 what is the use of filling his mind with what to him 
 are meaningless words?" I don't think they are 
 wholly meaningless to him. He frequently asks me 
 what they mean, and I try to tell him. But though 
 he but dimly grasp the force of what he learns, I firmly 
 believe the "Word of God" stored in his mind now 
 will come to him with help and power in time of 
 temptation in years to come. 
 
 He has several ways of earning money, and this is 
 one of them : each Saturday night he receives two cents 
 when he has learned his verse perfectly during the 
 week. The other ways are mostly by little self-denials 
 or self-restraints, so his money is really earned. 
 When his bank was first opened he wanted his mamma 
 to use half the money in buying stockings for the poor 
 little bare-footed children he saw in the streets of our 
 neighboring city, who had greatly excited his pity. So 
 it was sent to a friend who is a city missionary, with 
 the request that she should spend it for stockings, as 
 the little one wished. He is nearly four years old 
 now; and when the letter came back telling how the 
 
WAYS AND MEANS IN THE NURSERY. 151 
 
 money was disposed of, and the gratitude of the 
 children to whom the gifts came, and of the little 
 girl who said she would "pray for Harold every night" 
 for sending her the stockings, he was old enough to 
 think a great deal about it, and his mother felt that at 
 least that step in his education had been taken in the 
 right direction. 
 
 I don't know why all this doesn't apply to girls as 
 well as boys, but "my girl was a boy," so I only speak 
 of what I do know. 
 
 THE CARE OF DELICATE CHILDREN. 
 
 Perhaps one example like that of the late Emperor 
 William I. might have convinced the Spartans that the 
 practice of destroying their feeble children was not 
 always for the good of their state. The future power 
 and usefulness of the puny William were not probable 
 when Queen Louise was caring for and teaching him 
 in his early childhood. But the example remains, an 
 encouragement to all mothers of weak children and 
 a rebuke to any latter-day Spartan who would labor 
 only for the survival of the strongest. 
 
 The atmosphere of "love, rest, and home," oftenest 
 found in the mother's presence, is especially needful 
 for the delicate child. This condition is necessary to 
 secure that rest which is a point more liable to neglect 
 with the child than with a grown person of infirm 
 health. Rest is often all that is necessary to restore 
 
152 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 health to the adult, and it is equally potent with chil- 
 dren. But grown people, having many sources of 
 mental refreshment, can compel themselves to rest in 
 varying circumstances, while the young, weak child 
 fails of perfect rest without the upholding mother- 
 love. The look of listless endurance on the face of a 
 little, feeble child may as often indicate lack of the 
 continual sunshine of a loving presence and care as 
 physical ailment. 
 
 Said one young mother: "I had to learn that a 
 very small child does not yield to its feeling of weari- 
 ness, as I supposed, but is as liable as an adult to 
 overtire itself when interested in its own play or 
 watching others." 
 
 The half-invalid of the household can describe the 
 knife-like" pain in her head when a sharp voice breaks 
 out in her presence ; but the little child, after suffering 
 from a similar cause, shows only by nervousness and 
 ill-temper the pain it has undergone. Even in cases 
 of acute illness in children, quiet in the house is not 
 always so carefully attended to as with adults. There 
 is difficulty in keeping a houseful of children quiet dur- 
 ing the sickness of a grown person; but to keep as 
 many adults quiet when a child is ill is nearly impos- 
 sible. 
 
 An employment for which a child has shown special 
 adaptation may sometimes be turned to account as a 
 means of rest. One litttle boy had always shown 
 great delight in machinery of any kind. Delicate from 
 birth, he was one summer, when three years old, recov- 
 
WAYS AND MEANS IN THE NURSERY. 153 
 
 ering from an attack of severe illness, and a weary 
 road it was. When amusements and doing nothing 
 had become alike a weariness, one thing was sure to 
 refresh and rest him. This was for mamma to hold 
 him, and on a sheet of paper to paint small wheels. 
 He would choose the color from the box for the time, 
 and wheel after wheel appeared, until he was either 
 soothed for sleep or refreshed to take up his little 
 interest in the world about him. "I must have painted 
 thousands of wheels that summer," said the mother 
 afterwards. 
 
 Children thrive best in country air, but it is not 
 wise to transfer them from city to country in all cir- 
 cumstances. The annual summer exodus from the 
 cities is not of occupants of heated tenement-houses, 
 but, for the most part, of those who leave commodious 
 houses, pleasant yards, and shaded streets. Nearly 
 every day a boy runs past my door whose summers 
 were spent in his city home till he had passed his fifth 
 year. Up to that age the question had arisen every 
 summer whether he should be taken from home. 
 Apart from care about local sanitary conditions, there 
 were involved change of climate, diet, and medical 
 care, with the abridgment of much of the comfort and 
 quiet of home, and his parents decided that he had 
 not acquired strength enough to meet such changes. 
 
 People who require two days to rest after one day's 
 excursion will perhaps be thoughtful as to the kind 
 of short excursions they allow to a feeble child. Will 
 the outing in its carriage be best, or a visit for play 
 
154 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 and rest in an unaccustomed room ? Is a day's excur- 
 sion to the sea-beach or the every-day digging in home 
 grounds better for its health? These questions need 
 careful judgment. Violent changes in temperature 
 and diet compressed into one day often produce their 
 natural results in acute disease. 
 
 A mother's care is particularly necessary in the diet 
 of a weak child, not merely in choice of food, but in 
 seeing that the child really is sufficiently fed. Eating 
 too much proper food at regular intervals is not often 
 a difficulty with feeble children. To induce them to 
 take enough of food that is palatable to them and 
 that they can assimilate is the great problem. 
 
 Careful study and experiment in foods are usually 
 necessary in providing for a delicate child. The 
 regimen for one will probably suit no other. An old 
 school-friend was speaking to me of her little girl, 
 nearly four years old. "You know the prophecies 
 about Alice," she said. "We should 'never raise her,' 
 it was said, and her diet has sometimes brought me 
 to despair. I have read every treatise on medicine, 
 nursing, and cookery that I could obtain, and have 
 listened to physicians', nurses', and grandmothers' ex- 
 perience and suggestions. Adding all to my own 
 thought and judgment, I have succeeded in finding 
 food that she liked and that nourished her, until now 
 the chief study is how to vary her diet sufficiently." 
 
 One ground of hope for the future lies in the im- 
 j proved education of the mothers of the present day. 
 iThese better opportunities have existed so few years, 
 
WAYS AND MEANS IN THE NURSERY. 155 
 
 comparatively, that it is impossible to get statistics for 
 a full judgment. But, so far as records show, the 
 very small percentage of deaths among the children 
 of women who are college graduates, and the interest 
 which these graduates are taking in all home and sani- 
 tary matters, give much reason for encouragement. 
 With mothers acquainted with the laws of body and 
 mind, and trained intellects applied to the business of 
 rearing chldren, we may look for still greater increase 
 in health and strength of the little ones. 
 
 THE CONVALESCENT BABY. 
 
 There are few persons whose pitiful sympathy is not 
 awakened at sight of a sick baby. Whether the little 
 sufferer lies in a chamber of luxury or in one poor 
 and bare, whether meek and languid or fretfully wail- 
 ing, the small, pinched face, wistful, hollow eyes, tiny, 
 wasted hands appeal to every tender chord of our 
 hearts. 
 
 While the frail life is in absolute danger, when it 
 seems that at any moment the panting breath may 
 cease, the flickering pulse ebb away for ever, then 
 quiet is rigorously enforced in the house, in the dark- 
 ened room, and softened tones and steps are taken 
 about the little bed or crib. But when the shadow 
 of the dread Angel is withdrawn, and life's forces are 
 slowly but surely rallying back to duty, what is the 
 treatment of the weak but convalescent baby? 
 
 With every loving thought, care, and sympathy on 
 
I5 6 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 the alert, mother or nurse, usually both, now exhaust 
 themselves, every ingenious device (and the baby as 
 well), in attempts to amuse, interest, or pleasure the 
 little one. He is talked to and at constantly; he is 
 told over and over in animated tones all he said, and 
 did, and wanted to do during his illness, and assured 
 of all that he may, can, and shall do when quite well. 
 He is told of the welfare or mishaps of every cat, dog, 
 calf, or chicken on the home or neighboring premises ; 
 he is duly informed whenever the doctor ("who gave 
 him such bad medicine" or "made him well") passes, 
 until the tired, bewildered little brain must be all 
 a-throb with nervous excitement. Long-staying, loud- 
 talking callers are freely admitted to his chamber, 
 or he is borne down to receive them and their friendly 
 comments and condolences, which, if a child is old 
 enough to understand and he understands sooner 
 than many are aware are as distasteful as a bitter 
 medicine. He is carried here and there by loving, 
 indiscreet relatives, not all of Avhom know just how to 
 bear the small, emaciated body with greatest ease to 
 it. He must submit also with good or ill-grace to 
 frequent and ill-timed caresses. An older invalid 
 would plead fatigue, nervousness, and beg, if not in- 
 sist, to "be excused," or perhaps more bluntly to be 
 "let alone;" but baby grows faint and weary, with 
 no protest but querulous wails. And if there is a rise 
 of fever, or unwonted restlessness or languor, the 
 anxious mother wonders why the child should be 
 worse. 
 
WAYS AND MEANS IN THE NURSERY. 157 
 
 Spare the convalescent baby too much talking to, 
 too much attempt to make him talk ; do not excite him 
 even by the introduction of too many playthings. 
 Company is often a serious evil to the adult con- 
 valescent, and it may prove so to the baby invalid 
 when too many sympathetic but voluble friends strive 
 to out-talk each other in the sick-chamber or sitting- 
 room. 
 
 Do not clothe the baby too soon in his ordinary 
 wear ; soft, loose wrappers easily put on and off, with 
 warm but not heavy flannel underwear, are better for 
 the little one than even Mother Hubbard gowns. 
 While open air and sunshine are invaluable medicines 
 for the baby as soon as he can take them, do not give 
 him too long rides, and be careful that the carriage 
 is moved evenly and not too fast; sudden jolts and 
 jars are cruel and hurtful to the weak little passenger. 
 And, above all, do not keep him out long enough to 
 be in any way chilled. 
 
 Cheerful, quiet, low, even tones, pleasant but not 
 too frequent surprises in the way of little gifts, in 
 preparation and serving of food, in small changes 
 about the room, etc. all these have as great an ef- 
 fect upon convalescent children as upon those of larger 
 growth, and should be. practised and insisted upon by 
 every mother and nurse, or whoever it may be that 
 cares for the convalescent baby. 
 
158 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 IMAGINATION RUNNING RIOT. 
 
 What pretenders most children are! They love to 
 impose upon themselves as well as upon others. "I 
 must sit down and study this scholar stuff," says a 
 little boy in petticoats who can neither read nor write. 
 "O brother, you smile like the dawn of the day !" says 
 one infant to another, and then in an undertone asks : 
 "Mamma, what is the 'dawn of the day'?" To chil- 
 dren the mysterious always appears imposing. Wil- 
 lie, hearing his father say that Willie's grandmother 
 had expressed the wish to be cremated when she dies, 
 listened in open-mouthed wonder, and went to a neigh- 
 bor's at once to communicate the intelligence that his 
 "grandma is going to be cream-tartared." The same 
 boy, aged five, though several years younger than 
 his sister, feels an almost manly superiority over her. 
 They were talking of something, when he said: "I 
 knew that before you were born." Alice, meekly in- 
 dignant, said: "Why, Willie, you were not born 
 then." "Well, the lump of dirt I was made of knew 
 it." What shall we think of Ruth, aged three, who 
 tore a valuable book in the presence of her father, and 
 when the sorrowing question was asked, "Who tore 
 papa's dear book ?" said with perfect gravity, pointing 
 to the cat sleeping behind the stove, "Tommy did it ?" 
 
 It is not that children like little Ruth are wilful liars, 
 but that the child's imagination often outruns its 
 capacity of selecting proper objects upon which to 
 
WAYS AND MEANS IN THE NURSERY. i$ 
 
 exercise it. I think that a young child's ideas of life 
 must often be as unrelated as the bits of glass in a 
 kaleidoscope, before trfe mirrors which reflect and so 
 make the perfect form are put in place; and it is only 
 when the child can reason that it becomes responsible, 
 and should be expected, and indeed required, to con- 
 trol its imagination. 
 
 THE COMPANIONSHIP OF ANIMAL PETS. 
 
 One of the educational agencies that often appear 
 to be left far more to chance than is at all necessary 
 is the cultivation of a love of animals. I mean, espe- 
 cially, of those domesticated animals which may safely 
 be introduced into our nurseries. I do not urge this 
 only as a means of present amusement although any 
 one who has watched how an intelligent child will play 
 with a pet cat or dog for almost any length of time 
 with complete satisfaction will readily admit that there 
 is much to be said in favor of it on those grounds also 
 but it is rather with a view to the benefit likely to 
 accrue to the children in the future from these early 
 associations that I venture to think it is worth while 
 for mothers to take some trouble to secure them. 
 
 I do not suppose that every child can be taught to 
 like animals. There may be natural antipathies that 
 cannot be overcome, but these would always be excep- 
 tional individual cases, and do not alter the fact that, 
 generally speaking, there is room for much to be done 
 in this direction. The habits of complete fearlessness 
 
160 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 in coming in contact with animals is invaluable in later 
 years, and is a source of pleasure always. Nothing 
 insures this with so much certainty as early nursery 
 familiarity with them. Watching the ways and do- 
 ings of animals, particularly if their various charac- 
 teristics are constantly pointed out to a child as soon 
 as it is beginning to observe the world around it, will 
 probably inspire an interest in them that will become 
 habitual, and which cannot possibly be produced in an 
 equal degree afterwards. 
 
 There can be no doubt that we retain impressions 
 from a very early age, and our likes and dislikes 
 through life are much influenced by our first experi- 
 ences. No detail of nursery management is altogether 
 trivial if looked at from this point of view, and it is 
 this reflection which leads wise mothers to bestow so 
 much thought and pains upon apparently insignificant 
 things. 
 
 "I cannot put up with dogs and cats about besides 
 the children!" is the exclamation of a well-meaning 
 but overworked mother sometimes; and with many 
 children playing around, perhaps in small quarters, 
 such a statement at first sight does not appear un- 
 reasonable But if the said mother realized that asso- 
 ciation with these animals was likely to have a bene- 
 ficial effect upon the children she would not usually 
 be slow to submit to the additional inconvenience. 
 
 Some care must be taken in selecting animals that 
 may safely be trusted in the nursery; for it is as im- 
 portant to avoid giving a child a fright as it is to 
 
WAYS AND MEANS IN THE NURSERY. 161 
 
 directly cultivate a friendly feeling for the household 
 pet. Many a man or woman can trace back an aver- 
 sion to dogs and cats strong enough, in some cases, 
 to require all their self-control if they are to sit quietly 
 in a room with these inoffensive creatures to some 
 shock received through an unlucky incident connected 
 with one of the species in childhood; and thus what 
 might have been a lasting pleasure becomes a positive 
 source of discomfort in the ordinary conditions of life. 
 Very young animals are apt to be rough in their play, 
 and so it is not well to let them come in contact with 
 children who are too young to understand this; but 
 as soon as they are of an age to fully realize that the 
 roughess is only play there is no risk in so doing. It 
 is curious to notice, too, how gentle most animals are 
 with children if they have been brought up with them, 
 and to watch the amount of pulling about that tRey 
 will stand from childish hands with undisturbed 
 equanimity. 
 
 As children grow more observant and thoughtful 
 the care of living pets is a most useful means of de- 
 veloping their sympathies. To let a child help in the 
 process of feeding birds, squirrels, silk-worms, etc., 
 will not only be a daily delight, but will gradually teach 
 a thoughtfulness for things dependent upon us; thus 
 lessons of lasting importance will be combined with 
 the transient amusement. I have heard, some parents 
 say that they do not wish their children to possess 
 live pets until they are of an age to look after them 
 properly. It has always seemed to me a mistake to 
 
162 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 adopt this plan. Sustained effort of any sort is too 
 much to expect from children. It is a fatal mistake 
 to associate the care of any living thing with constant 
 reproaches concerning it, and some occasional neglect 
 will almost inevitably occur and render these necessary 
 if a child has sole charge of any pet when too young 
 for the responsibility. When the novelty has worn 
 off the trouble of daily attending to any of these liv- 
 ing creatures will soon outweigh the charms of pos- 
 session, and if it is desired to make them objects of 
 affection a different course must be pursued. 
 
 When children have been interested in watching 
 the attention paid to birds or pet animals from early 
 days, and learned to regard it as a privilege to be 
 trusted to give them the needed care occasionally, un- 
 til they are fit to be allowed to look after them with- 
 out assistance, the result will be far more satisfactory. 
 The interest already established will do more to pre- 
 vent neglect than any amount of subsequent scolding 
 and reminding on the subject; so children and pets 
 will both derive benefit from this arrangement. 
 
 Children brought up in the country are infinitely 
 better off than town children in the matter of gaining 
 an insight into the ways and doings of living things; 
 but it is noteworthy that even those children brought 
 up in their midst gain comparatively little knowledge 
 of their nature and habits if the eager interest which 
 children generally feel in everything new to them is 
 not wisely encouraged and directed. Of the two, it 
 seems to me more important that mothers living in 
 
WAYS AND MEANS IN THE NURSERY. 163 
 
 the city should turn their attention to this matter, and 
 see how much may be accomplished with their com- 
 paratively limited opportunities; for, although it is 
 possible not to make the most of the advantages of- 
 fered by the country in this respect, it is not likely that 
 country children will grow up with that profound in- 
 difference to the various forms of animal life around 
 them which is only too frequent an occurrence in 
 towns. 
 
 To provide nearly all children at an early age with 
 live pets of some kind needs careful attention from 
 mothers, but no special knowledge on their part. It 
 will be much easier to supplement the interest in ani- 
 mals, which has become a part of the child's daily 
 life, with more detailed instruction concerning them 
 by and by, if that is considered desirable, than to en- 
 deavor to create this interest in the first instance later 
 on. That this is a useful means of teaching children 
 gentleness and consideration must be obvious to all; 
 and, as nearly all cruelty arises from fear and ignor- 
 ance, we can scarcely do better than cultivate their 
 imagination by turning it in this practical direction. 
 
 We cannot provide children with too many objects 
 of interest in the world around them, nor are we likely 
 to overestimate the extent to which the habit of ready 
 interest in everything may enrich their future lives. 
 Everything which concentrates a child's interest on 
 some fact outside its own personal existence is of 
 service to that child, even though in early days it can 
 only think of the object that arrests its attention as 
 
1 64 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 invested with the same feelings as itself. "Why are 
 you pulling up all those sticks from your garden?" I 
 asked a small boy of three years a few weeks ago. 
 "Because I'm going to bed, and perhaps if the little 
 sticks were to wake up in the night they mightn't 
 like to find themselves standing up," he replied, with 
 a serious expression. 
 
 The fancies, so real to children, which they connect 
 with inanimate things can be utilized with still greater 
 profit when associated with living creatures: The 
 companionship which children manage to extract from 
 dolls and toys by investing them with imaginary pow- 
 ers can be obtained with at least equal facility from 
 the familiar canine friend; and the idea that the dog 
 or cats "wants to play" often renders a game specially 
 attractive to a child left to amuse itself. I know of 
 a bright little boy who went up to the breakfast-table 
 to finish bread and milk, when one of his sisters 
 stopped him with the remark: "Don't take that, 
 Harry; the dog has been drinking out of the basin." 
 "But I thought he had had all he wanted," replied the 
 child, evidently perceiving no drawback to their using 
 the same vessel, provided the dog had a fair share ! I 
 would not be supposed to advocate that children and 
 dogs should take their meals together in this fashion ; 
 but I thought a child brought up on such friendly 
 terms with the four-footed member of the family had 
 a distinct advantage over those children who are 
 brought up in a vague terror of dogs or cats, or taught 
 to disregard them. 
 
WAYS AND MEANS IN THE NURSERY. 165 
 
 We must not forget, in our endeavor to instil what 
 we believe to be desirable into these young minds, that 
 our example will have more influence than our pre- 
 cepts. It will be of no service to tell children how 
 animals ought to be treated if we behave capriciously 
 towards them ourselves, because children are essen- 
 tially imitative, and what we do has infinitely greater 
 effect upon them than what we say. If a mother 
 jumps upon a chair at the sight of a mouse, or screams 
 at the appearance of a frog or a toad, it is more than 
 probable that her children will conceive an aversion for 
 them that they will not easily overcome afterwards. 
 It may be difficult for her to avoid showing her own 
 inveterate antipathies, but if it is clear to her that this 
 self-control will benefit her children, I think nearly 
 every woman would prove equal to the demand made 
 upon her. "For the sake of the children" is a powerful 
 incentive to most mothers ; and if its effect is proverbial 
 in great matters I do not think its utility should be 
 despised as a motive to consistent action in small ones. 
 It seems to me that mothers are often careless and in- 
 judicious in the management of their little ones, not so 
 much because they shrink from any amount of self- 
 sacrifice, whether in small things or great, but because 
 they fail to perceive the relative importance, with re- 
 gard to the general education, of things that in them- 
 selves are mere trifles. 
 
 I have known several children in different families 
 with a curious horror of common flies and flying in- 
 sects of any kind. I can recall one little girl in par- 
 
1 66 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 ticular, who would play fearlessly with the cat and 
 the dog before she could toddle, but who screamed 
 violently at the sight of a fly on the window or ceiling, 
 and if one alighted on herself her terror was pitiable 
 to see. Luckily for the child in question, she was the 
 youngest of a family where such a peculiarity was pa- 
 tiently dealt with, and by dint of gentleness when the 
 child was frightened, and constantly calling her at- 
 tention to flies crawling on her mother's hands, or on 
 her little brothers and sisters, she was gradually con- 
 vinced how harmless they were. She quite overcame 
 her aversion by slow degrees, and, now that she is a 
 woman, no vestige of her dislike lingers, and she re- 
 fers with a smile to her childish terror, though she 
 distinctly remembers how vivid it was. 
 
 To quote the words of a wise writer : "The blessed- 
 ness of life depends far more on its interest than upon 
 its comfort ;" and the more mothers recognize this the 
 more earnest will be their endeavors to inculcate such 
 habits in the nursery as will provide the rising genera- 
 tion with interests that are not likely to forsake them, 
 whatever may be the circumstances of their future 
 lives. Whether we consider the positive or negative 
 advantages of a careful bringing up in respect to this 
 subject, we shall find it worth our attention. It is 
 much to be spared sensations of fear that may cause 
 us frequent annoyance in every-day life, and if the 
 very source of our discomfort can be transformed into 
 a means of actual pleasure, surely a definite good will 
 have been achieved. 
 
WAYS AND MEANS IN THE NURSERY. 167 
 
 CHILDREN OF LARGE FAMILIES. 
 
 "Talk about enjoying one's children I endured 
 mine," said a lady who had had five babies in as many 
 years. Though not in the least lacking in natural 
 affection, she had neither time nor strength to enjoy 
 her babies. Others might admire and cuddle them in 
 their dainty clothes, but how was she to do other than 
 endure them, with their ever-recurring demands upon 
 her time and her health ? Her case is rather an excep- 
 tional one; but that any mother of a comparatively 
 large family may be permitted to enjoy her children, 
 requires much wisdom in management and some sacri- 
 fice of vanity, unless her purse be a very long one. 
 
 There are women who rear large families of chil- 
 dren, do their housework, and make their own and 
 their children's clothes, accomplishing all creditably, 
 and with more equanimity, than another woman shows 
 in managing her lone chicken, with all the aids im- 
 aginable. There are still others who do not cover quite 
 so wide a field, but run large families without an 
 abundance of help, and yet escape being utterly dis- 
 tracted and overcome by the exigencies of the case. 
 The question is as to how they do it, since to many 
 women falls the lot of motherhood in the prime of life. 
 
 The mother who is to rear a large number of chil- 
 dren should have fairly good health, which can often 
 be had by a little prudence at the right time. Many a 
 woman reared in luxurv overworks herself on the eve 
 
1 68 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 of some journey or social event. A little foresight and 
 resolution will preserve to most women, in any station, 
 a fair amount of health. An even allowance of exercise 
 is good; it is usually the undue strain put suddenly 
 upon an unaccustomed frame which works mischief. 
 
 As a rule, the "smart woman," who fills her sister- 
 hood with amazement and a sense of shame in view 
 of their own meaner performances, is beforehand with 
 her work. She takes the quieter, expectant months 
 of motherhood to do many things that would crowd 
 her sadly while under the sway of a young baby. The 
 layette is not only made, and made of a good size, that 
 the garments may last a year by shortening, but her 
 own wardrobe is put in good condition, that she may 
 not be caught in the distressed, semi-dressed condition 
 which created in her a horror of motherhood when she 
 was a girl. Closets and drawers are put in order, and 
 all the little things accomplished which require time, 
 while she has still time to spare. If she has older 
 children, their clothes are also prepared with an eye 
 to the future, while the youngest is gently but firmly 
 weaned from his baby privileges and trained to com- 
 parative independence, that the wrench may not come 
 upon him and his mother too suddenly in the time of 
 her prostration. All these little activities, if indulged 
 in with moderation, give the expectant mother a health- 
 ful amount of exercise, a hopeful prospect for the 
 future, and occupy her mind so that it is not a prey to 
 nervous fancies and forebodings. 
 
 During the trying reign of the new baby that is, 
 
WAYS AND MEANS IN THE NURSERY. ^1169 
 
 from the time he is born until he walks, and is thus 
 comparatively independent she is resolute not to be 
 too much enslaved. She knows that what regards his 
 health is of the utmost importance to herself as well 
 as to him; but she will insist upon his entertaining 
 himself as much as possible by his own resources and 
 not too much at the expense of her time and strength. 
 Any one who observes young children will see that 
 those who are judiciously neglected are, as a rule, bet- 
 ter-natured and healthier than those who are constantly 
 in arms. Thus her house and her other children do 
 not suffer materially, and she escapes the fretful feeling 
 of being forever tied down in view of duties which are 
 always postponed and ever accumulating. Of course, 
 there may come a time when she has an exceptional 
 child, a baby invalid the most exacting of all invalids 
 who must be cared for at the expense of all else; 
 and the mother must resolutely close her eyes to all 
 the undone things around her. Then what has been 
 accomplished beforehand will stand her in good stead. 
 The woman who is rearing a goodly lot of children 
 should rigidly eschew that which goes for mere dis- 
 play in dress. A handsome child, handsomely dressed, 
 is an attractive sight; but who that loves children has 
 not been as well pleased with a bright little sun-tanned 
 face above a neat gingham apron, which is so sugges- 
 tive of freedom and good times? Fine dress has a 
 doubtful effect on children's manners and morals, par- 
 ticularly where the family purse is strained and the 
 mother's health and nerves are sacrificed in its inter- 
 
170 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD TRAINING. 
 
 est. In such a case, the attention which she should 
 be giving to the internal furniture of the little bodies, 
 the directing of thought and habits, is expended upon 
 external decoration, at a great expense to herself as 
 well. 
 
 A child's dress may indicate refinement and taste 
 without any great outlay of time or money. For young 
 children a fine material, simply made, is far better than 
 an overloading of trimming. 
 
 In the dress of a baby there is nothing so desirable 
 as cleanliness. A mother can make a dozen plain, white 
 dresses while she is laboring over two or three elabor- 
 ate ones. But there is the laundrying. Too much 
 must not be put upon faithful Bridget, where there 
 are so many little ones to wash for. But it is not the 
 washing of the small, soft garment, it is the "doing 
 up," which makes the labor. Then let the little every- 
 day frocks go without starch, which is an inartistic 
 element, and let baby have his two or three plain 
 dresses a day, if need be, to keep him sweet and clean, 
 rather than have him exist much of the time in soiled 
 furbelows, and hastily ram him into something clean 
 when any one comes. 
 
 For older children, boys and girls, strong, dark 
 aprons, neatly made and well-fitted, are a great com- 
 fort and economy. They may be worn in the house, 
 at play, or in the country, out-of-doors. A child's 
 dress should be such that he may be allowed as much 
 freedom of exercise as possible without constant ad- 
 monitions from worried mamma, who sees her work 
 
WAYS AND MEANS IN THE NURSERY. 171 
 
 rapidly going to destruction. The mother should put 
 vanity aside, and resolutely save herself undue anxiety 
 about trifles, and her children the tormenting nagging 
 which makes her voice a terror to them. 
 
 Children of a large household are happier and better 
 disciplined for life than those raised singly. The last 
 baby eagerly joins in the plays of his brothers and sis- 
 ters as soon as he can toddle after them, and leaves 
 his mother to comparative liberty. The children of 
 a large family do not pine for companionship and are 
 early trained to rub against and bear with their equals 
 an invaluable lesson, while they unconsciously ac- 
 quire strong natural affections, despite their frequent 
 disagreements. 
 
 The wise mother of a large family cultivates inde- 
 pendence in all her children. They are early allowed 
 to learn to care for their own persons with due super- 
 vision, they are permitted to settle their own disputes 
 as much as is consistent with justice and good train- 
 ing, and they are forced to depend on their own re- 
 sources for entertainment, thus becoming more in- 
 ventive and active. If she have fair health, resolution 
 and energy, such a mother may order her little com- 
 munity with success, accomplish wonders in the eyes 
 of her less spirited sisters, and still find time to enjoy 
 her children and lay the foundation for that good un- 
 derstanding between parent and child which makes 
 her a force in their future and so in the future of the 
 race. 
 
172 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 A MOTHER'S FRIGHT. 
 
 For almost a year Elizabeth had thought 'that the 
 only thing her home lacked to make it perfect was 
 the presence of a baby boy; she dreamed of him by 
 night and planned for him by day. 
 
 He came at length, and he and she made acquaint- 
 ance with each other as they lived for a time in that 
 peaceful world inhabited only by the new-born baby 
 and its mother. A great many thoughts came to 
 Elizabeth, and one which grew alarmingly was this, 
 that the day would soon arrive when she would be 
 left alone with him in earnest and with her own 
 judgment to rely upon. She remembered a great 
 many things how she had once forgotten to feed her 
 canary; how her little dog had been obliged to beg 
 for his dinner sometimes by means of hard wagging 
 of his tail and licking of his chops. Her old, care- 
 less way of leaving pins and needles and her thimble 
 around seemed to rise before her ; a remark her grand- 
 mother had made years before came to her mind; it 
 seemed to her that she could hear her grandmother's 
 voice saying, "A button box under certain circum- 
 stances is as dangerous as a loaded pistol." She won- 
 dered how she would know when the baby was hun- 
 gry or sick; she planned out worries and troubles for 
 herself. 
 
 There came to her, when she was thought to be 
 strong enough to bear them, letters of admonition from 
 
WAYS AND MEANS IN THE NURSERY. 173 
 
 distant friends; those who had no children seemed, 
 strangely enough, to have the clearest conception of 
 a mother's duty and of a child's capacity. To a natur- 
 ally timid, excitable, and totally undisciplined nature 
 these warnings and suggestions added fuel to a fire 
 that had burned not dimly since the baby's birth. If 
 anything had happened to him she would have felt 
 herself entirely to blame; if he had died she would 
 have felt like a murderer. 
 
 He did not die, but commenced an active career by 
 falling out of a rocking-chair, where she had placed 
 him on a pillow ; a lump rose on his temple, and she 
 put a piece of brown paper wet with vinegar on it, 
 and they both cried till he went to sleep. When the 
 father came home and saw the bruise, the look of 
 questioning, not unmixed with reproach, which he 
 cast upon her cut like a knife. 
 
 The second fright which Elizabeth experienced oc- 
 curred when the baby was about six months old; he 
 fell off the bed and fainted away. The shock was so 
 great to her that she fainted too, for the first time in 
 her life, after the baby had revived and seemed to be 
 all right again. 
 
 Six months later she was standing by the window 
 watching her trusty nurse-girl as she drew the baby 
 up and down the pleasant, shady street; suddenly, as 
 the girl turned the carriage, the baby, pillows, wraps, 
 and all rolled out and off down into the gutter. She 
 flew breathlessly down the stairs and out of the house 
 just as the nurse had gathered up the smiling baby, 
 
I 7 4 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 who actually seemed to have enjoyed his tumble; but 
 his mother's hands trembled all the rest of the day and 
 she woke crying in the night. She watched, just as 
 she had after the fall from the bed, for signs of cerebral 
 excitement, and for days after, if the baby made an 
 unexpected movement, the mother's heart hammered 
 against her side and gave those big throbs which it is 
 believed no heart but a weak and anxious mother's 
 ever gives. 
 
 The bumps, tumbles, and bruises which the venture- 
 some baby experienced during the year furnished a 
 great deal of exercise for the mother, which tended 
 to reduce flesh and to deepen the two little lines over 
 the nose which are the trade-mark of trouble. A 
 chronic condition of being startled gave a wildness to 
 the expression of Elizabeth's eyes, and her friends all 
 said they never saw a girl grow old so fast. 
 
 Not long after the boy had reached his third year, 
 he disappeared one morning up the stairs slightly in 
 advance of his mother, and was found immediately af- 
 ter where he had crawled through a half-open window, 
 sitting astride an eaves-trough, and looking about with 
 an abandon of delight not participated in by the mother, 
 who dragged him back to a safer if less interesting 
 position. 
 
 By the time Elizabeth's boy was five years old she 
 had learned a few things: her child had both eyes, 
 all his fingers, and had no scars worth mentioning, but 
 during these years his mother's heart had never been 
 truly tranquil; every child's cry appealed to her, she 
 
WAYS AND MEANS IN THE NURSERY. 175 
 
 felt that she was wanted if any child anywhere called 
 "mamma." She even fancied that she heard herself 
 called when she knew she was not. 
 
 Comparing notes with other mothers, she finds that 
 her experience is not an uncommon one, and she has 
 sought an answer to the question: Is it possible to 
 avoid this friction between spirit and body which has 
 almost worn her out? 
 
 She is convinced that in her case the lamentable con- 
 dition of her nerves is due largely to a defect in her 
 education. She does not blame her mother for not be- 
 ing in advance of her time; she believes it is due in 
 some degree to the notion that prevailed when she was 
 a girl, that the perfectly womanly woman is no Prin- 
 cess Ida as Tennyson pictures her, with calm nerves 
 and clear brain, with warm interest in the large affairs 
 of the world. No sentiment was so loudly applauded 
 at that time as that expressed by meek Evangeline's 
 sweet and humble answer: "I cannot reason; I can 
 only feel." Herein lay the difficulty, and to some 
 extent it exists still; the susceptibility to feeling was 
 cultivated ; to be easily moved to tears indicated, or was 
 supposed to indicate, a tender heart, a depth of feeling 
 which was not only interesting, but vastly helpful. 
 
 To be afraid of little harmless things was sweeter 
 far and more winning than to have a knowledge of 
 their structure; the girl who climbed the fence, shut 
 her eyes and screamed at sight of a snake, was more 
 attractive than the one who calmly stood her ground 
 and frightened it away or killed it. 
 
176 .OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 Elizabeth says, were she to begin life over again in- 
 stead of just going on with the later part of it, she 
 would endeavor to cultivate in herself and in her chil- 
 dren the reason, even if, as a zealot, she did it at the 
 expense of the feelings. But this is by no means neces- 
 sary; the well-developed reasoning faculties, the quick 
 control over rebellious forces, may exist without cor- 
 responding loss. If from the first dawn of intelligence 
 a child were guided with this object in view, an un- 
 doubted gain in character would result, and the reflex 
 action upon the mother would be invaluable. 
 
 If children were taught self-control, and also to take 
 a reasonable interest in their own disposition; if their 
 own peculiar temper were to be described to them seri- 
 ously, and not, as it so frequently is, in passionate 
 moments only, good would result. It does not require 
 large knowledge and experience to see how preferable 
 in almost all cases is calm judgment to a spasmodic, 
 emotional way of dealing with people. "The impulse 
 is the man," as Emerson says, but it is the man's busi- 
 ness in life to control the impulse on many occasions ; 
 and it is assuredly the woman's place to teach her chil- 
 dren to keep some reserve forces with which to deal 
 with emergencies. 
 
 The child who screams and shudders at the sight of 
 a harmless little worm crawling on the skirt of her 
 dress, should be taken in hand and be helped to look 
 at it just as it is, and not allow her perhaps natural 
 repugnance to creeping things to overcome her reason. 
 Nerve-training ought to be a part of the education we 
 
WAYS AND MEANS IN THE NURSERY. 177 
 
 give our children; our girls especially need it, since 
 so many of them seem to have inherited a distorted and 
 grotesque habit of thought and feeling. Let us teach 
 our children to be ashamed of exhibitions of ground- 
 less fear. Appeals to their self-respect are rarely lost. 
 
IV 
 UNUSUAL TRAITS 
 
A REMARKABLY PRECOCIOUS CHILD. 
 
 I send a brief account of my little nephew, whose 
 natural mental development seems to be remarkable. 
 At two years old, or thereabouts, he learned his letters 
 (the large ones) from playing with a set of alphabet 
 blocks. At a little over three he had a present of a 
 box of "sliced birds" with names attached. From 
 these he at once taught himself to read, learned the 
 small letters without assistance, and at three-and-a-half 
 could read almost any word or words he saw ; at four 
 he could read in any book, and now at four years and 
 five months he will read for hours for his own amuse- 
 ment in any book he prefers, his present favorite 
 being the Bible the last was the Encyclopedia Bri- 
 tannica. He has never been taught to spell, but can 
 spell any word he has ever seen, the length presenting 
 no difficulty; thus, it is quite as easy for him to spell 
 hippopotamus as cat, etc. He never seemed to mind 
 the differences in English spelling, a little confusion of 
 the hard and soft c being his only trouble, as when he 
 would speak of "ankent Rome," having seen but not 
 heard the word "ancient." He punctuates and ac- 
 cents very correctly. While learning to read he took 
 up the study of geography, which he pursued from 
 maps. He now knows all the countries in the world, 
 
1 82 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 their principal rivers, cities, etc., and their situation 
 in respect to each other; the States of the Union, and 
 their capitals and principal towns; the English coun- 
 ties, and much else which I have not space to write 
 about all as readily without the map as with it. He 
 has several dissected maps, and puts them together 
 with absolute certainty, as easily with the wrong side 
 up as with the right, and will name any piece by seeing 
 it on the wrong side. When asked to bound a country 
 selected at random he does so slowly but correctly, 
 evidently from a picture in his mind. How much he 
 could learn if he were instructed, or even encouraged, 
 it is impossible to tell. His friends at first used to 
 amuse themselves a little with playing with him giv- 
 ing him letters to make into words, which, at three- 
 and-a-half he could do with wonderful quickness, etc. 
 but now have long endeavored to keep him back. He 
 is kept out-of-doors as much as possible, where he is 
 very happy and content and fond of play, but indoors 
 he cares little for anything in comparison with books, 
 to which he is always recurring, and if the one he 
 especially wants is hidden he will take the first he 
 can find, and when forgotten once or twice has spent 
 from two to three hours over them without stirring. 
 He is very persevering, and if he hears the name of 
 any place new to him will hunt for it for hours, and 
 even days, till he finds it, and will work over long, 
 foreign geographical names, pronouncing one syllable 
 at a time, and combining them by degrees till he gets a 
 very fair approximation to the sound. 
 
UNUSUAL TRAITS. 183 
 
 I wonder if there are any parallel cases and what 
 others would advise. Charlie was a very small, deli- 
 cate baby, and when at six months his mother was 
 forced to wean him he would probably not have lived 
 but for the best of wet-nursing, which seemed to work 
 a change in his constitution. He is now a blooming 
 healthy-looking child, and very rarely ill, with a very 
 good appetite, and a sound sleeper. He is tall and 
 slender in build (like both his parents), very fair, with 
 a well-shaped head of the high and narrow type, but 
 rather small than otherwise in proportion. His teeth 
 came very late. He has a nervous temperament, and 
 is rather excitable, but by good care and country air 
 this is so counteracted that he does not manifest it 
 much. He is playful and sometimes very mischievous, 
 and, although he makes a great many clever speeches, 
 which sound more so because his language, derived 
 from books, is curiously mature, he is still very much 
 of a baby in his ways of thinking. His memory for 
 people and faces has always been remarkable. When 
 he was eighteen months old I went away for four 
 months ( I had always lived in the next house and 
 seen him daily), and he knew me immediately on my 
 return, recognizing my voice before he saw me. 
 There have been children of similar precocity in the 
 family on both sides who lived to grow up, and I can- 
 not see that he has any symptoms to cause present 
 anxiety, but I am rather worried about possibilities. 
 To deprive him of books altogether would be very 
 nearly impossible, and would, I think, result in irrita- 
 
184 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 tion of spirits and temper, which would do him more 
 harm than the reading, but I am apprehensive about 
 injury to his figure and chest by reading in cramped 
 positions. Then we have to think of his eyes the par- 
 ticular danger in using them so much at so early an 
 age. He is not allowed to read by artificial light. When 
 studying crowded maps he uses a hand-magnifying- 
 glass, as he has seen his grandfather do. He has two 
 younger brothers, and gets a good deal of companion- 
 ship from the elder, a healthy, easy-tempered little 
 fellow, who shows as yet no signs of forwardness. 
 
 IMAGINARY PLAYMATES. 
 
 My little daughter was an only child for many 
 years, and our house was often besieged with imagin- 
 ary playmates, with whom she took walks, played 
 games, and enjoyed herself. At an early age she 
 showed a strong distaste to being kissed, especially 
 by strangers, and by the time she was three years old 
 a certain corner of the sitting-room was inhabited by 
 a personage named "Harry," who sold kisses of all 
 kinds diamond, gold, red, blue, etc. and whenever 
 a visitor asked for a kiss Alice would trot off to the 
 corner, when something like the following colloquy 
 Vvould ensue: 
 
 "Harry, has you got any kisses this morning?" 
 "No; they're all gone." "Haven't you even one 
 little stale one? Mrs. B. wants one." "No; but I'll 
 have some fresh ones after awhile." 
 
UNUSUAL TRAITS. l8$ 
 
 Then she would come back and tell Mrs. B. that 
 she had given away all she had yesterday, and "Harry" 
 had none made yet, which settled the matter. A "bad 
 monkey" lived with us for several years, and this fancy 
 was of rather more importance, since whenever the 
 child did wrong the "bad monkey" was to blame either 
 for the act or for having prompted it. I overcame 
 this difficulty, however, without much trouble, for 
 when the "monkey" had committed the fault, I talked 
 to her seriously, telling her that her hands, her tongue, 
 or her feet, as the case might be, had really done the 
 naughty thing, so they must be punished, and they 
 were, and when the "monkey" had told her to do it she 
 must be punished for having taken bad advice. Let 
 me say here that I never whipped, and never punished 
 a fault voluntarily confessed, nor a first offence, with 
 the exception of direct disobedience. Naughty hands 
 or feet were tied together, but more often I put her 
 on the lounge for a certain length of time, and many 
 times when she was "good again" she made the "bad 
 monkey" sit awhile longer he always shared her pun- 
 ishments because "he's the worst, mamma; he made 
 me do it !" "Eva" and "Bessie" were also daily com- 
 panions who slept, ate, and played with Alice. One 
 or the other, sometimes both, went with her on little 
 errands, and never failed to accompany her into a 
 dark room or upstairs, when she went alone, and on 
 these occasions the "bad monkey" was left behind. 
 She would also fabricate stories regarding these and 
 other imaginary friends, to which I listened in good 
 
1 86 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 faith, pointing out the faults she mentioned generally 
 her own and telling her what "Eva" should have 
 done in the circumstances. I took frequent opportun- 
 ities of explaining the difference between truth and 
 falsehood on the broad basis that only an im:ntion to 
 deceive was an untruth, and as she grew older she 
 drew right distinctions for herself. 
 
 SENSITIVENESS TO STRANGE SOUNDS. 
 
 The sensitiveness of my baby to strange sounds may 
 perhaps be of interest to others. He is a very bright 
 little fellow, whose senses of sight and of hearing seem 
 very acute. He sometimes catches sounds so faint 
 that I only become conscious of them on being made 
 attentive to them by his listening attitude. He de- 
 lights in noisy toys drums, shrill horns, bells, etc. 
 and the most showy, brilliant pieces played on the 
 piano please him hugely; he is very much entertained 
 by the mewing of cats and barking of dogs, imitating 
 the latter quite faithfully and with infinite zest. When 
 he was about five months old his papa took him for 
 a ride in his perambulator, and on bringing him home 
 told me that baby had had a violent screaming fit dur- 
 ing his ride. They had passed a garden in which 
 there was a cow tied to a tree, and this cow had 
 greeted them with a loud "moo," whereupon baby 
 had taken to crying loudly and long. In relating this 
 little episode my husband imitated the cow ; baby, who 
 was sitting quietly on my lap, instantly set up a shriek, 
 
UNUSUAL TRAITS. 187 
 
 and it took a long time to comfort him. The next day 
 I took him out, and walking by the same garden saw 
 the identical cow, who welcomed us also with a pro- 
 longed and rather angry "moo." Baby cried again, 
 but I kept on going by with him, stopping occasionally 
 and laughingly imitating the animal till he gradually 
 became accustomed to the sound, and at last, after 
 spending about half-an-hour in helping to overcome 
 his dread of the cow's voice, he was much interested 
 and pleased, and even laughed when she lowed. 
 When he was six months old Eis grandmamma bought 
 him a very pretty choral humming-top. When shown 
 to baby he was delighted with the bright colors of his 
 new toy, held it in his hand and shook it gleefully, but 
 when the top was set spinning and humming there was 
 a sudden and quite unforseen end to baby's fun. He 
 cried bitterly, refusing to be comforted, and wouldn't 
 even look at the toy when held up to him, but hid his 
 face in apparent terror. His grandmamma was much 
 disappointed, and as there was no particular use in 
 teaching him to overcome this fear of the top, I quietly 
 put it away. The other day baby is now nearly four- 
 teen months old I happened to see the offending top 
 and took it to him. He grasped it eagerly, threw it 
 about the floor, thumped the furniture with it, and was 
 very happy with it. As soon as I set it spinning, how- 
 ever, and the humming grew decided, he was quite 
 as terrified as before, toddled back to me and cried 
 and sobbed so bitterly that I once more packed the top 
 away. The humming is not at all loud, and quite 
 
188 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 melodious, and it is an unaccountable thing to me that 
 a child who likes to make all sorts of noises pound- 
 ing on his dinner-tray, joyfully blowing a horrid, shrill 
 whistle and an equally unpleasant tin horn should 
 have such a strong objection to the humming of a 
 choral top. 
 
 CULTIVATING OR CURBING THE IMAGI- 
 NATION OF YOUNG CHILDREN? 
 
 It is very pretty to hear my little two-year-old ex- 
 claim gleefully over a colony of chattering sparrows: 
 "Hear those little birds laugh, mamma!" or, when 
 watching a couple of birds one snowy morning : "The 
 mother-bird and the little girl-bird eat on a snow table 
 with a white cloth." But it becomes an important 
 problem when I find that her information on all sub- 
 jects is colored by the surroundings of the moment. 
 In speaking first to her of the good God I unconscious- 
 ly pointed heavenward, where some great fleecy clouds 
 were floating in the summer sky, and to this day clouds 
 for her represent the Deity, and in spite of remon- 
 strance call forth expressions of delight over "all those 
 beautiful good Gods up there." For more than a year 
 "Santa Claus" was a terror to her because of the black 
 empty fire-place beside which she first hung her tiny 
 sock and heard the legend of the children's saint. 
 
 Unusually accurate in her statements as a rule, she 
 sometimes fabricates a tale, with her own or some one 
 else's vices or virtues as a theme, to which she adheres 
 
UNUSUAL TRAITS. 189 
 
 with a pertinacity worthy of a better cause. Espec- 
 ially is this true of "My two little brudders" (myths), 
 whose names and adventures seem as real to her as 
 the bona-fide baby sister in the cradle. How to culti- 
 vate an appreciation of her obligations toward the 
 truth, without destroying her pretty fancies, which will 
 make poetry out of the prose of every-day life, is my 
 problem. 
 
 A YOUTHFUL ADMIRER OF UNCLE RE- 
 MUS. 
 
 Elizabeth, five years old, is devoted to the "Uncle 
 Remus" stories, which I read in their dialect; and 
 though she has never come in contact with negroes, 
 she thoroughly understands and delights in the tales. 
 Norwald, trotting about the room, listens as babies do, 
 and likes to look at the absurd illustrations, and can 
 point out "Bwer Tehpim" which is his nearest ap- 
 proach to "Tarrypin" and "The day," as he calls 
 "Miss Meadows and the gals." For some time a 
 couple of weeks Uncle Remus has been rather in the 
 background, and stories about Santa Claus have been 
 uppermost. At dinner to-day Norwald, who likes to 
 feed himself, struggled vainly to get some minced 
 chicken on his fork, but only a few bread-crumbs re- 
 mained where the chicken had been. After several 
 vain efforts this small boy turned to me and said: 
 "He diggy, diggy, diggy, but no meat da." The 
 words are an exact quotation from the story of "How 
 Brer Rabbit saved his Meat." We were so astonished 
 
1 9 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 that we made the child repeat his words, which he did, 
 and added, "Man in booka." The little fellow is just 
 putting words together, and is two years and three 
 weeks old. Is it not an unusual sign of mental vigor 
 to remember and to apply such a saying? 
 
 HOW CHILDREN CONNECT IDEAS. 
 
 When my oldest boy was twenty months old he 
 pushed his dish of oatmeal toward me and said, "Peel 
 it." "What does he want ?" I asked ; but no one knew, 
 and he himself was able to explain no farther than 
 that I knew how to "peel it." After some minutes 
 spent in vain endeavor to get at the nature of 
 the request, I put on a few more grains of sugar. 
 That seemed to please him, but it was not yet 
 "peeled." A little more milk was frowned upon 
 as not being at all what he wanted. Finally in 
 desperation I mashed it with my fork. His face 
 lighted immediately. I had peeled it. The child 
 was satisfied, for his problem was solved"; but mine 
 was only begun. Here a distinct idea had been given 
 a name by my child. The name in connection with 
 the idea seemed to be original with himself, yet he was 
 so well satisfied with it that he clung through milk and 
 sugar to that name as representing that idea. Where 
 did he get it? From the source where I fancy all 
 children get new ideas the big outside world. To 
 explain I must add that, like all children, he was very 
 fond of apples, but I would never allow him to eat one 
 
UNUSUAL TRAITS. 191 
 
 until it was peeled. Often he would bring me one 
 from the plate, and I would always say, "Papa will 
 peel it, then Ralph can eat it." To him, then, "peel" 
 meant to fix for eating. His request to have his oat- 
 meal peeled was a transference of the same idea from 
 his apple to his oatmeal. Shortly after he wanted 
 his meat "sharpened" an idea gained from his at- 
 tempts to mark with a dull pencil. I would explain 
 to him that the pencil needed to be sharpened, which 
 meant, to him, cut with a knife. When he wanted his 
 meat cut with a knife, what more natural than that he 
 should ask to have it "sharpened?" In similar man- 
 ner my little girl objected to a pillow which had no 
 cover upon it, saying, "I do not want to sleep upon a 
 raw pillow." To her the dark color of the bare pillow 
 suggested the dark skins of the raw potato in contrast 
 to the whiteness of the cooked ones. This term she 
 clung to for many months. Now for a complex idea. 
 Last week my baby, then fifteen-and-a-half -months 
 old, was in my arms at dusk while her mother prepared 
 tea. She watched the process with her usual interest 
 for a while; then, instead of urging me toward the 
 table, as she often had, she turned and pointed toward 
 the lamp, which was on the centre-table. She not only 
 pointed, but urged me toward it. I could not under- 
 stand her idea, until I remembered that it was our 
 custom, when tea was ready, to move the lamp from 
 the centre-table to the dining-table. Wishing to see 
 if she had that idea in her mind, I took the lamp in my 
 hand to carry it to the dining-room, when she laughed 
 
192 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 with delight. These instances have led me to think 
 that all the ideas which children have are connected 
 with something which they have seen or heard. The 
 two former might suggest why it is that rude peoples, 
 having but a limited vocabulary, express several con- 
 nected ideas by the same word. 
 
 LITTLE ROB'S FIRST DREAM. 
 
 I have hardly ever seen or heard anything in baby 
 annals much sweeter than my little three-year-old 
 Rob's description of his dream the other night. I think 
 I should call it sweet even if somebody else's boy had 
 said it. He had been crying very pitifully in his sleep, 
 and I had to partly wake him to stop the sobbing. In 
 the morning I asked him why he had sobbed, and if he 
 had been dreaming. His eyes grew big and dark. "Fy, 
 mamma, was dat a dweam ? Is dat what dweams are ? 
 Fy, I sought 'ittle Ella fell vay, vay down in a deep, 
 such a deep, veil, and we toodent det her out you, 
 nor papa, nor anybody. And I didn't know what to 
 do, and I cwied. And den I 'membered, and I wote a 
 letter to Dod to help her, and He des flied down and 
 took her wite out and dave her to us aden! Wasn't 
 dat dood of Him, mamma?" 
 
 YOUTHFUL OBSTINACY. 
 
 I subjoin an account of one or two peculiar traits 
 that I have observed in my little girl, and which seem 
 
UNUSUAL TRAITS. 193 
 
 to belong to herself alone. One of them is very 
 marked scepticism. She is now within a month of 
 her third birthday, but she was only about twenty- 
 seven months when I first noticed this trait, which 
 does not grow less. She has never been deceived in 
 the slightest manner, to my knowledge, yet she posi- 
 tively refuses to believe, and, when to convince her 
 by proof is impossible, "holds her own opinion still." 
 For instance, a few evenings ago I poured some milk 
 in the cat's saucer, when she asked, "Did you give all 
 dat milk to pussy?" I said no, there was plenty left 
 for her. She seemed to think about it for a minute, 
 then asserted, "You did give it all to pussy;" and 
 though I told her no again and again she would not 
 be satisfied until she had looked into the pitcher. She 
 will ask her papa for candy when he comes in, and 
 when told that he hasn't any insists that he has, even 
 after she has searched every pocket, though she has 
 never once found any when told there was none there. 
 Any statement she makes, no matter how absurd, she 
 will persist in until convinced by ocular demonstration 
 (and not always then) that she is wrong. 
 
 She is very fond of music and dearly loves to 
 "pacsy" (practice). I do not hinder her, for she 
 never bangs and hammers on the piano as most chil- 
 dren do, and seldom makes discords, but touches the 
 keys lightly with one finger at a time until she finds 
 two notes that accord ( one with each hand), when she' 
 plays them. She does not always hunt out notes in 
 this manner, but often enough to make it noticeable. 
 
194 Ot; R SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 She is a restless little body, full of mischief one of 
 the children who are "into everything," but from her 
 second year she would sit quiet as long as any one 
 would play for her, and invariably makes a third at 
 her sister's music lesson, always asking the teacher 
 to "p'ay for me," and at the end of each piece comes 
 "Nozer ! more p'ay for me." 
 
 THE BUMP OF DESTRUCTION. 
 
 As a word of encouragement to mothers who have 
 destructive children, I would like to relate my experi- 
 ence with one boy, who annoyed me more than all of 
 the others, by destroying everything that was given 
 to him in the shape of a toy. It really seemed a per- 
 fect delight to him to investigate the fundamental prin- 
 ciples of a toy, especially if there was any wire or 
 machinery connected with it. Then it was a source of 
 the greatest pleasure to take a knife and cut it out. 
 I remember that one of his most expensive toys, a 
 hobby horse on wheels with carriage attachment, suf- 
 fered by being decapitated, merely to gratify his curi- 
 osity. I finally was compelled to lock up all his play- 
 things, and refused to buy any more until he learned 
 how to take care of them. Then he was forced to be 
 contented by playing with odds and ends around the 
 house, and amused himself for hours inventing all 
 kinds of queer things with spools, cord and wire. 
 Lately he has developed quite a mechanical genius, and 
 seems to enjoy regulating a lock or adjusting anything 
 
UNUSUAL TRAITS. 195 
 
 out of order, and the work is so nicely done that we 
 find him very useful about the house, and feel almost 
 repaid for the amount of destruction he did some 
 years ago. 
 
 DISLIKE OF A PILLOW. 
 
 My little girl, when only six or seven weeks old, 
 showed a decided dislike to a pillow. I noticed that 
 after I had settled her in her crib, with her head on 
 the little pillow, in an apparently comfortable position, 
 she would be restless until she succeeded in working 
 herself down in the crib far enough to get her head en- 
 tirely off the pillow, when she would be quiet and take 
 a long nap. After this had happened several times I 
 began to suspect that, although so young, Miss Baby 
 did not like the pillow ; so I removed it from the crib, 
 and put her down with her head on the same level 
 as her body. The result was that she stayed just 
 where I put her. 
 
 I never used a pillow again for her till she was over 
 a year old, and then only a very small one. 
 
 TROUBLE WITH EARLY BAD HABITS. 
 
 I will relate at some length a few of the habits of 
 a three-year-old boy in my own family, and the success 
 with which we have combated them. The first one 
 which I noticed was a most alarming habit of heavy 
 breathing, which appeared when the child was no 
 
196 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 more than six months old. The breathing at times 
 was perfectly normal, but at frequently recurring in- 
 tervals it was thick and labored to a painful degree. 
 Strangers invariably thought it premonitory of croup, 
 and those who knew him better feared the lungs were 
 already diseased. Constant watchfulness on the part 
 of those nearest him confirmed the impression that the 
 heavy breathing was only a habit, and we set our- 
 selves to correct it. Always during sleep the breath 
 came as quietly and softly as with any child, and it 
 was only when under excitement that it became alarm- 
 ing. The first thing, then, was to have as little ex- 
 citement as possible, and upon the first symptom of 
 labored breathing to remove the child to perfect quiet. 
 As he grew older, and more capable of comprehending 
 our wishes, we gradually taught him to know that it 
 displeased us and to stop it at our command. By de- 
 grees the intervals during which the breathing was 
 normal became longer and longer, until this was the 
 general state, interrupted only by occasional departure. 
 Now, at three and one-half years, there is not a trace 
 of it. As the same child began talking he tried to 
 speak faster than he could form the words, and a 
 habit of stammering was rapidly forming. We did 
 not wait until we had a fully formed habit to 
 battle with, but attacked it immediately, not allow- 
 ing a single sentence to be uttered until the one 
 preceding it was slowly spoken and distinctly enun- 
 ciated. It took time and patience, but the process in- 
 volved less of suffering to the child than it would have 
 
UNUSUAL TRAITS. 197 
 
 done at any later time, and he speaks now much more 
 clearly and distinctly than his mates. A habit of 
 squinting, and another of sitting stooped in his car- 
 riage, were cured by constant care. There was an- 
 other, the cause of which we never could determine, 
 which proved most obstinate. This was, at first, 
 thought comparatively harmless, and was simply the 
 turning forward and downward of the upper part of 
 the ear. It soon became evident that, if persisted in, 
 it would ruin the shape of the ears, and thus the whole 
 appearance of the head, and we set to work to correct 
 it. The task seemed almost hopeless at first, for 
 watchfulness, commands, and even punishment pro- 
 duced but little effect. We persisted, however, and 
 in time were rewarded by a complete victory. 
 
 DANGEROUSLY OVERWROUGHT FEEL- 
 INGS. 
 
 That children have feelings will, of course, not be 
 gainsaid, but to what extent the little ones suffer when 
 punishment is inflicted upon them or some one dear 
 to them I am inclined to think very few understand. 
 A case in point occurred in my own household. My 
 little daughter, age seven years, had been troubled with 
 a fester upon her finger, which was very painful in 
 its necessary dressing and attention. Her little 
 brother of three-and-a-half years has always shown 
 great sympathy for her; he would entreat me not to 
 hurt Lulu. This was all considered as nothing more 
 
198 OUR SUCCESS IX CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 than childish sympathy, as after each occurrence he 
 would resume his play; but it would appear that I 
 unwittingly taxed his feelings past endurance. At 
 the last dressing of the finger he begged me, as usual, 
 not to "hurt Lulu," standing by the basin in which 
 I was washing the hand, when suddenly he fell faint- 
 ing to the floor, and it was two or three minutes be- 
 fore he could be revived. In future he will, of course, 
 be taken out of the room whenever I again am called 
 upon to play the nurse ; but think how much he must 
 have suffered. I am convinced that it was mental 
 anguish that caused him to faint, for both previous to 
 and after the faint he played around the room with the 
 other children, and, while he had been suffering from 
 a slight cold, he was in no other way unwell. We 
 have never had to call the doctor to him since his birth, 
 neither had he been similarlv affected before. 
 
 VICARIOUS VIRTUE AND VICE. 
 
 My three-year-old girl, growing up like a wild 
 flower, has something worth noticing a good deal of 
 self-control. Like all children she is fond of seeing 
 pictures. This quiet evening amusement is made bv 
 me a lesson in morality, without preaching. One girl 
 from her picture book, called Lottie, I have raised to 
 be the bearer of all those childish virtues and good 
 qualities I should like my little Lili to possess; an- 
 other, who with an angry face throws away her doll, 
 is called simply "naughty girl," and to her are ascribed 
 
UNUSUAL TRAITS. 199 
 
 Lili's own faults and little vices. I have succeeded so 
 well in arousing her interest in those two girls that 
 they have grown to be living examples to her, and 
 comparing her to Lottie or to the naughty girl who 
 causes headache to her mamma, is for her real reward 
 or punishment. Several times, when she was going 
 to do a little mischief, I had only to say, "Remember 
 Lottie, who would not do such a thing," to make her 
 stand still and reflect. Probably good and bad were 
 struggling for mastery within the little heart; and in 
 nine cases out of ten the good proved to be victorious. 
 Then a tender kiss and the assurance that she was as 
 good as Lottie are her reward. 
 
 For a long time she could not bear to be laughed at, 
 even when she intentionally said a funny thing. So 
 one day I told her that "naughty girl" did the same 
 thing, but that Lottie always laughed when she saw 
 her papa and mamma laugh. Since that time she 
 heartily laughs with us at her own blunders. She has 
 a swing. The other day her Javanese playmate, 
 Oomi wanted to sit in it. But children of three are 
 egoists ; and so Lili refused to Oomi the use of her 
 swing, which made poor Oomi shed bitter tears. I am 
 a believer in the doctrine of Jean Paul and do not force 
 my girl to be kind. But I told her of good Lottie, 
 who always pities the poor Javanese babies that have 
 no playthings at all, and allows them to borrow her 
 own things when they want them. "Will not my 
 sweet Lili follow Lottie's example?" I asked her. 
 And ves, Oomi was allowed to sit with her in the 
 
200 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 swing. Since that day she invites Oomi to share the 
 pleasure with her every time she is going to sit in 
 her swing. She enjoys the happy face of the brown 
 baby and calls me to see Oomi laugh. So she has 
 learned that it is better to make a playmate laugh 
 than cry. 
 
 In the same way I keep her from taking away Baby 
 Fred's playthings, and she even lets him play with her 
 own when he wants to. This method saves a good 
 deal of scolding, spanking and compromise by means 
 of sweets and money. All this may not be new ; but as 
 in the time of King Solomon there was nothing new 
 under the sun, it may be good now and then to dig 
 up old things again. 
 
 A PRETTY BED-TIME FANCY. 
 
 An odd fancy of my little daughter may not be un- 
 interesting to other mothers. From her babyhood I 
 have sung to her, among other lullabies, the little Ger- 
 man one: 
 
 "Sleep, baby, sleep; 
 The large stars are the sheep," etc. 
 
 One day, when she was two-years-and-a-half old, I 
 heard her singing to her dolly, 
 
 "Sleep, darlin' sleep, 
 Dream o' snow-white sheep." 
 
 My attention was caught, because although I recog- 
 nized the resemblance to the lullaby, those words had 
 not been used, there being no mention of "snow-white" 
 sheep or any dreaming of sheep. I concluded her 
 
UNUSUAL TRAITS. 2OI 
 
 auntie must have sung her another song with these 
 words, but on inquiry I found she had not. The child 
 had picked up the words somewhere and put them 
 together of her own accord, though I don't know 
 where she got the expression "snow-white sheep," as I 
 never remember saying it to her. I have a habit of 
 saying when I tuck her into her crib, "Good-night! 
 Sweet dreams!" and after that time she would repeat 
 the words, and add: "Dream o' snow-white sheep." 
 After going through that form every night for a 
 while, she shortened it to "Good-night ! Sweet dreams 
 o' snow-white sheep." 
 
 It is nearly a year since she commenced it, and it is 
 now just as much a part of going to bed as the evening 
 prayer. After repeating the magic words she expects 
 me to return the compliment, and, if I fail to, will 
 cry till I come back and say "my piece." Whether 
 bed-time is stormy or sunshiny, the last words mur- 
 mured, out of tears or smiles, are, "Good-night ! Sweet 
 dreams o' snow-white sheep." She has never enlight- 
 ened me as to whether she really does dream of said 
 animals, but I am quite curious to see how long she 
 will keep up the custom. 
 
 CHILDREN'S IDEAS OF TIME. 
 
 How can we give a young child a clear idea of time 
 past and future? 
 
 Our little Ethel, three-and-a-half years old, asked 
 her mother one day, "Where do the other days go to?" 
 
202 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 and she was told, "Into the past.'' A day or two after, 
 as she was at lunch, she asked the same question 
 again and got the same answer. "What is the 
 past, mamma?" she added. "O Ethel, dear!" her 
 mamma said, "the other days gone behind you." All 
 this her papa did not know about. One morning soon 
 after, Ethel went down-stairs to eat her breakfast with 
 her papa, before mamma and the sisters came down. 
 "Papa," she said, fixing her big blue eyes earnestly on 
 him, as she sat in her chair with her back toward the 
 door into the hall "Papa, mamma said the other days 
 went behind me, and I went and looked into the hall, 
 and I couldn't find them." This papa couldn't under- 
 stand until inquiry brought out the explanations which 
 her mamma had attempted. Ethel's sister Edith (who 
 is two years older) had learned the order and suc- 
 cession of days, months, and seasons, and explains to 
 Ethel that every day that passes will come back next 
 year. "For," she argues, "will not the sixth of March 
 come after the fifth of March next year?" 
 
 Ethel's latest way of explaining a day of the past is, 
 that such a thing happened such a day, "that went 
 away from now." Can we clear it up any better? 
 
 A BABY'S FIRST WORDS. 
 
 It seems to me that the first words of both my two 
 boys (besides "mamma") were rather unusual. The 
 youngest, who is nine-and-a-half months old, surprised 
 us the other day by answering the jocose query, "Did 
 
UNUSUAL TRAITS. 203 
 
 you sleep well?" with the very distinct affirmation, "I 
 did." He has since repeated these words, both in 
 response to the same question and of his own accord, 
 dozens of times, and his parents are very proud of 
 his accomplishment, although they do not claim that 
 he is fully conscious of the meaning of what he says. 
 Baby's brother at about the same age hit upon "tick- 
 tack" as a good word to start the English language 
 with, following it up with "drum," uttered with a 
 peculiar, rolling sound which seemed to imitate the 
 noise of the instrument that was the delight of his 
 babv davs. 
 
 THE DIFFERENT DISPOSITIONS OF TWO 
 DEVOTED LITTLE BROTHERS. 
 
 We have in our home two very devoted little 
 brothers, Baby Louis, who will be two years old in 
 April, and Sam, nearly four-and-a-half years old. 
 Sam is as sensitive and timid as a little girl, and will 
 sit down for hours with his kindergarten sewing or 
 dissected pictures, while Louis is absolutely fearless, 
 bubbling over with mischief equally ready to kiss and 
 hug, and to seize the corner of a table-cover and "clear 
 the table" without a moment's notice. He says "nice 
 little Sam" in the gentlest tone one moment, and the 
 next plants his fingers in his brother's hair and pulls 
 it vigorously. I found him one day picking out the 
 brightest pennies from his little barrel-bank and put- 
 ting them into a gay little box. When I inquired what 
 
204 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 he was going to do with them he said, "I thought it 
 was time we were saving pennies for little Precious." 
 It was his great delight last summer to "dress the baby 
 up" with pansies, drawing the long stems through the 
 open-work of his little cap and dress. Some one sug- 
 gested to Sam that a good way to cure baby of pulling 
 his hair would be to pull back once, so Louis would 
 know how it feels. He replied in amazement, <f Oh! 
 I wouldn't do it for the world." These mischievous 
 little hands of Baby Louis are our great study now. 
 We have found that tying them together is only a 
 source of amusement to him, while to Sam it would be 
 a dreadful punishment. A sudden, thorough "spank- 
 ing" is the most effective cure we have found. 
 
 A REMARKABLE MEMORY. 
 
 Our oldest boy, now two years and two months old, 
 remembers a great deal about our last summer's stay 
 in the country, and months after our return surprised 
 us by mentioning all sorts of animals, flowers, people, 
 and occurrences connected with our summering. He 
 knows over thirty different songs, in German and 
 English, word for word ; and on turning over the pic- 
 tures is able to repeat all the contents of one German 
 and one English book of nursery rhymes, and all only 
 from having them repeated for his entertainment, not 
 in order to impress them on his memory. We try to 
 keep him back and on no account wish to cram him. 
 
UNUSUAL TRAITS. 205 
 
 But his great forte is remembering localities. At the 
 age of twenty-three months he went out with his mam- 
 ma and in some way or other stumbled and fell, getting 
 himself extremely dusty, the vigorous brushing mam- 
 ma was obliged to give him with her handkerchief 
 evidently making a great impression. The other day 
 nearly three months afterwards his mamma took 
 him through the same street in his perambulator, and 
 on coming to the identical spot on which the accident 
 happened he turned and said to her "Here Arthur 
 fell." 
 
 After our return from the country, last September, 
 his mamma delegated the duty of taking Arthur out 
 to other members of the family for a while. Grandpa 
 took him out walking frequently, and usually to a 
 street called Grace Court, which runs down to the 
 water, and where a double row of elms gives abundant 
 shade and at the same time furnishes Arthur with 
 switches. One sunny day between Christmas and 
 New Year's, when the streets were foot-deep with 
 snow, mamma rode Arthur out, and incidentally 
 passed this street, which he had not seen since the end 
 of September, and on crossing it Arthur looked down 
 towards the water and ecstatically called out, "Gay 
 Cou't, Gay Cou't ; g'anpa and Arthur pick up whips." 
 
 One other instance. He has an aunt who resides 
 at a distance, and whom he rarely sees, but who is 
 nevertheless a great favorite. Auntie calling one day 
 as mamma and Arthur were just starting on their 
 daily constitutional, she joined them, and walked with 
 
206 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 them up Henry street for some distance and then 
 turned down a side street. He looked longingly after 
 her till he could see her no longer, and then turned his 
 attention to other objects of interest. Several weeks 
 after mamma took him up Henry street again, and 
 as he was wheeled across Carrol street he pointed 
 down it and said, "Auntie went down there." 
 
 SENSITIVENESS AND SELF-RESTRAINT. 
 
 Gertrude, eighteen months of age, has always been 
 a particularly sociable baby, not afraid of any one a 
 fact which proceeded, I suppose, from her being my 
 companion so much, and seeing nearly all my friends, 
 as I kept no nurse for her. One day, not many weeks 
 ago, a gentleman was calling, and Gertrude was in the 
 room. She exerted all her pretty wiles to elicit a word 
 of kindness, such as she had never been denied; but 
 the gentleman, not being a lover of children, took no 
 notice. From that day she has been extremely shy, 
 and shrinks away when spoken to by persons whom 
 she does not know well; whereas before she always 
 responded prettily and was as entertaining as possible. 
 
 Apropos of self-control, a certain kind has been 
 taught her namely, that of self-restraint from crying. 
 My method has always been to take her falls and 
 bumps cheerfully, talking to her about the floor or 
 chair against which she hurt herself. Consequently 
 she never cries, unless she is severely hurt, and then 
 
UNUSUAL TRAITS. 207 
 
 only as long as the hard pain lasts. Sometimes she 
 has looked up with a frightened air from a fall, and, 
 seeing me smiling at her, the fright has vanished from 
 her face and she has smiled herself; while, one day, 
 when she was slightly hurt, the condolences of a mis- 
 taken friend nearly set her crying. I think this 
 method has gone far to prevent the formation of a 
 habit of crying. 
 
 CONSCIENTIOUS, YET INCLINED TO TELL 
 FALSEHOODS. 
 
 Our elder child, a girl four years of age, has within 
 a few months past begun a habit of telling, occasion- 
 ally, deliberate falsehoods, supporting them by fancied 
 circumstances to bear out her assertions. She is usu- 
 ally a good child, very conscientious and obedient, and 
 of an amiable disposition. We have heretofore re- 
 frained from punishing her in any way, except for dis- 
 obedience; and in the matter of falsehood we have 
 simply drawn her attention to the fact that she had 
 stated what was not true, fearing that severity would 
 aggravate rather than cure the tendency. In fact we 
 have generally avoided placing her in situations where 
 she would be tempted to tell an untruth. We have no 
 servants, and the child associates regularly only with 
 her younger sister, who is not yet able to talk, and 
 we are therefore satisfied that the disposition to mis- 
 represent comes naturally. 
 
208 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 CHILDREN'S VIEWS ON MATTERS OF 
 DRESS. 
 
 An ardent lover of mine, aged five, left my side un- 
 ceremoniously and could not be induced to return. "I 
 am going to sit next to Cousin Flora ; I am not going 
 to sit by you. I like her better than I do you." "But 
 why? Does she tell you better stories than I do?" 
 "No ; but her dress is prettier than yours." The earli- 
 est distinct recollection of a woman now thirty is of a 
 new red dress purchased for her when she was three 
 years old, and the feeling of exultation when she first 
 put it on was one expressed by the little girl in Hans 
 Andersen when she said: "Mamma, what will the 
 dogs say to me now?" or was felt by Dr. Johnson 
 when, arrayed in the gay dress which he thought fit 
 for a dramatic author, he went to witness his play of 
 "Irene." It is so entirely natural for children to care 
 about clothes that the feeling ought not to be disre- 
 garded or condemned. 
 
 THE CHILD'S WORLD. 
 
 Thinking over my own childish experiences, and 
 seeking by my memories to have a deeper sympathy 
 with children, I have questioned whether we realize 
 yet, with all our child study, how much the child 
 lives in an imaginary world. It may not be true of 
 all, but I think it is of most, that the beings children 
 
UNUSUAL TRAITS. 209 
 
 imagine are far more real than the people of flesh and 
 blood who live with them. 
 
 My world, when I was six years old, was largely 
 made up of an imaginary family who were sharers in 
 all my interests. They were Episcopalians, because 
 I attended that church; they lived as I did, and I 
 played with the little girl of the family, as I do not 
 remember playing with any of my little friends. To 
 this day that dream-child is as vivid in my memory 
 as any member of my own family. The house in 
 which I fancied her living stands out in my mind as 
 clearly as does my own home of that period, and yet 
 no such house existed. I often played for hours in 
 a room alone, but surrounded in my fancy by many 
 people, to each of whom I talked, and all of whom 
 were very important to me. My fears were of my 
 imagination also. Naturally I was very brave, fear- 
 ing nothing when quite young, but as my mind became 
 filled with creations of fancy I began to fear many 
 absurd things ; for example, when I went to bed I 
 pulled the clothes close up around my head and cov- 
 ered my ears, lest some one should box them in the 
 night; never being thus struck, I yet had a horror of 
 it, and it was all to no purpose that my mother 
 reasoned with me that no one would touch me in the 
 night. 
 
 Many other terrors beset me, as unreasonable as 
 this, and all the result of imagination, not the conse- 
 quence of some punishment or of some injury. 
 
 Try as best we may, children will not tell the fancies 
 
210 OUR SUCCESS IN CHILD-TRAINING. 
 
 that haunt their minds. We do wrong when we make 
 children go to sleep in dark rooms if they shrink from 
 the darkness, and compel them to go to some place 
 they fear because we know that it is safe. A child 
 whom I knew well suddenly began to show fear of a 
 certain room, and, after daylight had faded, would not 
 go into it alone. Her mother tried in all ways to find 
 by observation what it was that she feared, but it was 
 not till long after that the child told what she dreaded. 
 A piece of furniture in the room had upon it a round 
 piece of fancifully grained wood; when the gaslight 
 fell across it, it looked a little like a man's face, and, 
 while she knew it was not a person or anything that 
 could harm her, she still feared it. 
 
 Many similar things have come to my notice, and I 
 am convinced that, unless we can fathom the numer- 
 ous fancies that a child lives in, we cannot hope to 
 get at the real child and know him so that we can 
 study and teach him to advantage. Let us touch with 
 delicate hands these fears, loves, and hates of his, and 
 be gentle in our treatment of him. Few children need 
 heroic handling, but many do require sympathy and 
 forbearance with what looks like an obstinate persis- 
 tence in whims. The great secret of reaching children 
 is sympathetic knowledge of them. 
 
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