University of California • Berkeley 
 
 THE LIBRARY 
 
 OF 
 
 THE UNIVERSITY 
 
 OF CALIFORNIA 
 
 GIFT OF 
 
 PROFESSOR 
 GEORGE R. STEWART 
 
ETIQUETTE 
 
 OF 
 
 SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. 
 
 BY 
 
 MRS. MADELEINE VINTON DAHLGREN. 
 
 FIFTH EDITION. 
 
 PHILADELPHIA: 
 
 J. B. LIPPINCOTT & CO. 
 
 1881. 
 
V2. 
 
 Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1873, by 
 
 MRS. MADELEINE VINTON DAHLGREN, 
 
 In the Office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington, D. C. 
 
 Copyright, 1881, by Madeleine Vinton Dahlgren. 
 
PEEFAOE. 
 
 We desire, in issuing this fifth edition of our 
 little work on the "Etiquette of Social Life in 
 Washington/^ anew to express our gratification at 
 the favorable reception it has met with, and also to 
 renew our thanks for the assurances received from 
 many official personages, as well as others of dis- 
 tinction in our society here, that the views herein 
 given are considered correct and logical, and a7'e 
 accepted as authority. 
 
 We have been repeatedly requested to enlarge 
 this treatise on the peculiarities of Washington 
 Social Life, so as to combine with it a Manual of 
 Etiquette, and make it a text-book of good breeding. 
 While we are very sensible of the implied compli- 
 ment of supposing us capable of giving such large 
 instructions as would form polished manners, yet 
 we would be appalled at the magnitude of such an 
 undertaking ! 
 
 There is a trite saying, " that it takes three gener- 
 ations to make a lady or a gentleman." While we 
 can in no wise admit a statement so greatly at vari- 
 ance with the most cherished maxims of our repub- 
 lican institutions, which justly base all distinction 
 upon personal merit alone, yet this axiom of the 
 Old World has this significance for us : It implies 
 
 3 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 that sensibility is an innate gift which must be 
 " born with us," and no book or set of rules ever 
 written or invented can confer refinement where 
 the nature is coarse and the education has been neg- 
 lected. We, therefore, hold in slight estimation all 
 treatises purporting to form good manners, which, to 
 be genuine, must have a deeper foundation than any 
 book can give. But the official life here leads to 
 perplexing social questions, and demands a special 
 code of social laws to meet it ; and this is the pecu- 
 liar phase of life at the seat of government that our 
 " Etiquette'^ is intended to explain. 
 
 We have not, therefore, materially enlarged our 
 first work, other than to add a chapter to the Ap- 
 pendix with regard to '^ Some Points'' which we had 
 not at first elucidated with the requisite care. 
 
 It has been suggested that the rapidly increasing 
 demands of Washington life require some change 
 of hitherto accepted forms in order to make it pos- 
 sible to meet the weight of social obligation. These 
 contemplated innovations we shall allude to. 
 
 The charming musical fragment, ^^ If order is 
 Heaven^ s first law,^^ was written by the great maestro 
 Hans von Biilow as a prelude to this fifth edition 
 of " Etiquette of Social Life in Washington," and 
 presented to us with the request to have it so pub- 
 lished. We are happy to give it the first place, which 
 it so well merits, and we do so with sincere thanks 
 to this gifted artist for the graceful compliment. 
 
If Order is Heaven's First Law." 
 
 Canto, 
 
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ETIQUETTE 
 
 OP 
 
 SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. 
 
 If order is Heaven's first law, we should not re- 
 gard as beneath careful attention the proper recog- 
 nition of rules which may tend to avoid confusion 
 in social life. 
 
 Because we are a rej^ublic we are not necessarily 
 to be deprived of those amenities which render life 
 agreeable and assist to cultivate good feeling. 
 
 Courtesy may be considered but as the mirror of 
 charity, and, although it may often become an un- 
 meaning semblance of benevolence, yet, if we as- 
 siduously cultivate, if only but the shadow, we may 
 finally hope to gain the reality. Thus, by placing 
 ourselves in excellent relations towards others, we 
 may eventually acquire that sentiment of good will 
 which may at first have been but a mere appearance. 
 
 That which is called good breeding is actually the 
 Golden Kule carried into practice, and is therefore a 
 very Christian accomplishment. Since egotism is the 
 most dreaded bane of society, if we can learn so 
 
 13 
 
14 ETiqUETTE OF 
 
 far to forget ourselves as to consider the just claims 
 of others, we shall have gained a victory over self- 
 ishness. But our intention is not to moralize or 
 present trite truisms, but to place within the scope 
 of a few pages the true state of the present phase 
 of Washington society life. 
 
 There are several unsettled questions with regard 
 to which we do not, of course, expect or intend to 
 do more than to indicate how it seems to us these 
 points may be amicably adjusted. 
 
 Washington society life is principally official, or, 
 rather, society here is composed in so great a degree 
 of official personages who represent the mechanism 
 of the state, that the social obligations and customs 
 have become about as complex as the constitutional 
 laws upon which the official are based, and yet we 
 have no constitution or defined code which makes 
 our social laws as clear as our political. Yet this 
 should be the case. 
 
 No reader of history, however superficial his view, 
 but must have noticed how constantly the gravest af- 
 fairs of state have become complicated with the thou- 
 sand seeming nothings of every-day life. Nor have 
 we been at all exempt from such entanglements. On 
 the contrary, every one at all familiar with the past 
 social incidents of Washington is perfectly aware of 
 various occasions in which animosities have been 
 engendered by the omission, or the commission, of 
 certain requirements exacted by some and not so 
 
SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. 15 
 
 understood by others. It is, indeed, extraordinary 
 that this subject has not compelled a more explicit 
 understanding long ago, in view of the many em- 
 barrassments, and some of them not unimportant, 
 that have already arisen from alternate neglect or 
 ignorance of social observances which, in order to 
 avoid confusion, should be well understood and 
 carefully weighed. 
 
 Nor can ignorance of the official etiquette prevail- 
 ing here be construed into any want of general society 
 training elsewhere, because we have in Washington 
 a very exceptional basis. 
 
 When the republic Avas first organized, we all 
 know that the venerated Washington and his stately 
 wife compelled a rigid observance of social etiquette 
 towards the administration in its various branches. 
 Jefferson, in consequence of his radical sentiments, 
 introduced various innovations, but General Jack- 
 son, when he became President, first broke down 
 the barriers of careful respect, and received all 
 comers without any formal or 'special rules; and 
 the consequence was that a disorder and rudeness 
 characterized those receptions hitherto unknown, and 
 which no private gentleman in the country would 
 have tolerated in his own home. 
 
 If our stanch republicanism renders us unwilling 
 to acknowledge that the President and his wife are 
 the " first gentleman and lady" of the land, yet we 
 may assuredly, without danger to our social inde- 
 
16 ETIQUETTE OF 
 
 pendence, accord them socially that respectful defer- 
 ence which the Constitution gives to the Executive 
 in the exercise of his granted prerogatives. Begin- 
 ning here, we may well concede to the various De- 
 partments that social recognition which is in harmony 
 with the Constitution. 
 
 Not a winter passes but we hear the same questions 
 asked over and over again by scores of persons enter- 
 ing for the first time into public life, or by strangers 
 who come here to participate in our social festivities, 
 who do not know what are the peculiar social re- 
 quirements the official element has introduced. We 
 may justly commence our remarks upon these pecu- 
 liar exigencies by a consideration of the position of 
 the Presidential family. 
 
 The President, as the executive head of the nation, 
 is properly entitled to precedence. This first place 
 is, of course, accorded to him whenever and wher- 
 ever he appears in social life. His social privileges 
 entitle him to receive all calls without being expected 
 to return any. In conversation he is addressed as 
 " Mr. President." Some choose to use the phrase 
 "Your Excellency," but this is a matter of taste 
 only. Usage has not required any special prelimi- 
 nary formalities in order to make the acquaintance 
 of the President. During the session of Congress 
 he gives stated receptions, and all persons who de- 
 sire to do so may attend these levees. Upon entrance 
 you give your name to an usher and are announced. 
 
SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. ♦»17 
 
 You are thereupon introduced to the President by 
 the Marshal of the District, or, at times, by some 
 otlier person who may have been designated for such 
 purpose, and you are immediately after presented to 
 the different members of the Presidential family who 
 may be present. Occasionally some embarrassment 
 has arisen because persons on entering, in place of 
 merely giving their own name to the official who 
 makes the presentations, stop to introduce themselves 
 the friends who accompany them. This causes a de- 
 lay, which arrests the throng of persons who are 
 coming in, and consequent confusion ensues. In 
 making this suggestion we refer, of course, only to 
 the public levees, which are usually much crowded, 
 and where a positive form of introduction insures 
 equal justice to all. 
 
 In case you are precise, you leave your card be- 
 fore your departure from the Executive Mansion. 
 If the reception is held in the morning, the usual 
 costume for morning receptions suffices. If in the 
 evening, a full toilette is demanded. It is not re- 
 spectful to appear in less than evening dress at an 
 evening reception given by the President. Even in 
 making an evening call, at any time, it is more proper 
 to make at least a demi-toilette. Those ladies who 
 are fastidious do not wear a bonnet in making an 
 evening visit at the President's. We have seen the 
 wives of Foreign Ministers call in full evening dress. 
 If the President have a wife, she also receives the 
 
ig ETiqUETTE OF 
 
 first visit from every one, nor is slie expected to re- 
 turn any visits. Of course, if she desires to be espe- 
 cially kind, she is at liberty to make visits, although 
 we believe it has been found a safer rule not to make 
 distinctions. But other members of the Presidential 
 family are allowed by custom to return visits and 
 acknowledge civilities tendered. At the state din- 
 ners of the President the usual etiquette prevails as 
 at other dinner-tables where official personages are 
 entertained. 
 
 It is not permissible to decline a dinner or other 
 invitation of a social nature sent by the President, 
 unless in case of your own illness or that of any 
 member of your family, or of the death of a relative. 
 When, however, it is imperative to send a regret, ex- 
 plain in your note the reasons which compel a non- 
 acceptance. Indeed, it is more respectful to state the 
 cause rather than to send a merely formal regret, 
 whenever an excuse of sufficient gravity may be as- 
 signed ; so that it may plainly appear that your 
 absence is unavoidable. 
 
 This may also apply to other invitations which 
 you desire to treat with especial consideration. Any 
 invitation of a social nature extended by the Presi- 
 dent of the United States must be considered, by 
 courtesy, as a command ; and, therefore, it is allow- 
 able to waive all other previous engagements made 
 which may conflict with your acceptance, even if it 
 happen to be a dinner. But in no other instance 
 
SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. 19 
 
 may an invitation to dine, onoe accepted, be re- 
 voked; and even in such case you should mention 
 the nature of the obligation which compels you. 
 
 The United States is so vast a nation, and the re- 
 quirements upon the time and attention of the Presi- 
 dent are so pressing and unceasing, that the physical 
 possibility of meeting the demands of the exalted 
 position becomes a serious matter. The arrangement 
 of the Executive Mansion, assigned to the President 
 for such various uses, would seem, in our humble 
 opinion, greatly to add to the weight of the burden 
 which has to be borne. This mansion, even in the 
 present youth of this great country, is already hal- 
 lowed by so many interesting associations that it 
 has become dear to the hearts of the people, and it 
 must ever be regarded as a place of treasured mem- 
 ories. But, in })oint of fact, the country, by reason 
 of its immense and increasing development, now re- 
 quires a more liberal provision to be made as to the 
 surroundings of the President of the United States. 
 
 The present Executive Mansion does not exceed in 
 size, if, indeed, it is sufficient, for executive and official 
 purposes, — we mean for the transaction of public 
 business and for all official acts. Belonging to the 
 purely official life should be classed the public levees, 
 the state dinners, and all formal presentations and 
 receptions. 
 
 The present Executive Mansion should be held 
 and assigned exclusively to these purposes; but there 
 
20 ETIQUETTE OF 
 
 should also be erected a home for the President, — 
 a spot more secure from intrusion, — where, after 
 the official round of duties has been met, he may 
 claim and obtain for some slight portion of each 
 day a measure of that dignified retiracy Avhich is the 
 privilege of every other gentleman of consideration 
 in the land. Then, to be presented privately to the 
 President and his family in their home circle, should, 
 as in the days of our beloved Washington, require 
 the same evidence of respectable social standing that 
 other gentlemen of refinement expect in the choice of 
 their special acquaintances and personal friends. 
 
 Whenever a Presidential Mansion, in addition to 
 the present Executive Mansion, shall be provided, 
 it will be found to solve many displeasing problems 
 that now exist, and to spare much harassing fatigue 
 now involved. As it is, the need for rest from rou- 
 tine and for change of air are alike so imperative, 
 that for many years past it has grown into a sort of 
 custom that the President becomes the guest of the 
 invalid soldiers at their hoaie during the summer. 
 It is quite disgraceful that the nation should fail to 
 make their elected chief magistrate their own hon- 
 ored guest at all times; but we are sure that all that 
 may be needed, is to call attention to the insufficiency 
 of the present arrangements, and point out how very 
 incommensurate they are with the dignity of the 
 country. 
 
 Certainly no country exceeds our own in large ex- 
 
SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. 21 
 
 penditiire, where any measure is once recognized as 
 necessary; and here we crave permission to call atten- 
 tion to that apartment known by courtesy as " the 
 State Dining-Room" of the present Executive Man- 
 sion. This room is miserably small for a banquet- 
 hall. Its size will not permit over forty guests to 
 be comfortably seated at a dinner ; and this number 
 can never represent the various elements that should 
 meet at a state dinner. The nation should provide 
 a banqueting-hall of sufficient space to entertain, 
 upon occasions of state, the Diplomatic Corps, the 
 Justices of the Supreme Court, the Cabinet, and the 
 Senate at one dinner. 
 
 The President may properly be addressed in writ- 
 ing as "His Excellency, the President of the United 
 States," or as " President of the United States." The 
 various members of the Cabinet are to be addressed 
 respectively, in writing, as "The Honorable, the Sec- 
 retary of State," "The Honorable, the Secretary of 
 the Treasury," "The Honorable, the Secretary of 
 War," "The Honorable, tlie Secretary of the Navy," 
 "The Honorable, the Secretary of the Interior," 
 "The Honorable, the Postmaster-General," and 
 "The Honorable, the Attorney-General ;" the Vice- 
 President and the Chief Justice as Mr. Vice-President 
 and Mr. Chief Justice. Do not abbreviate words in 
 sending a ceremonious note. When an official title, 
 as in the case of diplomatic functionaries, is very 
 long, whatever portion of the prefix you give, use the 
 
22 ETIQUETTE OF 
 
 entire word, and then add " etc., etc./^ in an under 
 line, which is supposed to include all that is claimed. 
 All abbreviations are in bad taste in formal notes, 
 whatever may be the title, whether civic, military, 
 or naval. The word "Present," written on an en- 
 velope, formerly much used, is now quite obsolete, 
 except as confined to communications of a business 
 nature, such as bills sent, and the Avord Addressed 
 or the French words "jEVi Ville^' have superseded its 
 use. Although we are decidedly opposed to the in- 
 troduction of Gallicisms, as likely to emasculate the 
 vigorous Saxon of our noble language, yet in mat- 
 ters of polite usage we may well continue to imitate 
 our ancestors and introduce the courtly Norman 
 phrases : they so aptly turn aside the blunt edge of 
 much that is disagreeable in this busy, material life 
 we lead. But we do object to that hybrid term, the 
 ^'Republican Court, ^ which we so often hear. It is 
 senseless, and an anomaly; or if it have a meaning, 
 it is still more to be deprecated, as incompatible with 
 the spirit of the framers of our excellent Constitu- 
 tion. We have no "Court Circle," nor do we ex- 
 pect to remain a republic and at the same time ape 
 "Court" manners. We have a social as well as a 
 political autonomy. Let us preserve these with an 
 equal jealous care and dignity. Our official etiquette 
 is not intended as a personal compliment, but ad- 
 dresses itself to the office borne; so that it remains 
 strictly in harmony with our republican sentiments. 
 
SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. 23 
 
 When the incumbent loses office he becomes ag-ain 
 only a private citizen whom the republic has hon- 
 ored. This is such a very beautiful provision of our 
 legal Constitution, that we should never lose sight of 
 its bearing on social life and manners. It is the 
 counteracting and saving element, as opposed to all 
 hereditary distinction, and holds each man and wo- 
 man intact in the exercise of those talents by which 
 he or she may regulate the individual destiny. The 
 very words '* Republican Court'^ have a fatal sound 
 of Csesarism ; and, as we have already remarked, 
 words become facts,— they are the expression of the 
 souFs aspirations. We should prove to the world 
 that republican manners are the very acme of true 
 elegance in their unaffected simplicity. 
 
 It has always been, and still remains, a matter of 
 discussion as to whom properly belongs the second 
 place in social precedence, and equally accomplished 
 persons differ on this point. This position is claimed 
 for both the Chief Justice and the Vice-President, 
 and so many good reasons may be given on either 
 side that until a social congress can be convened to 
 decide this and some other controverted points there 
 can be no decision attained. It seems ta us, how- 
 ever, that the Chief Justice exercises functions of 
 such sacred importance and of such a nature that 
 the second place should be given to him. He pre- 
 sides over the tribunal of ultimate appeal, he holds 
 his office for life, he is placed beyond all the muta- 
 
24 ETiqUETTE OF 
 
 tions incident to most other officials, however exalted. 
 We have only to read the Constitution of the United 
 States to be impressed with the immense dignity of 
 his position. The same immutability characterizes 
 the functions of the other Justices of the Supreme 
 Court, who hohl their positions for life, and are 
 placed on a higher plane, and one above the polit- 
 ical excitements of the country. These gentlemen 
 are to be respectively addressed in conversation as 
 Mr. Chief Justice and as Mr. Justice; and it has 
 been usual to accord them precedence over Cabinet 
 Ministers and Senators, for at times they may exer- 
 cise a controlling influence over the Executive. At 
 least we have seen this precedence given, although 
 we can recall, in our earlier life, some bitter feuds 
 on this score between the wives of Court and Cabi- 
 net dignitaries, and we never yet remember to have 
 heard of a feminine warrior retreating when she once 
 was committed to open battle. So these ladies may 
 have left a legacy of contested honors to those who 
 came after them. If so, in the name of Heaven's first 
 law, let us have peace. 
 
 If, then, — for we tread on shaking ground, — these 
 Justices walk in their silken robes so high, why not 
 give the Chief Justice precedence over the Vice- 
 President? And this we venture to suggest without 
 any derogation to the exalted position of the Vice- 
 President, whose chief dignity arises from his being 
 President of the United States Senate ; for, as Vice- 
 
SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. 25 
 
 President simply, he has no cares, no special duties, 
 no political significance. His political importance is 
 rather anticipatory than actual. Yet we must say 
 that we would only rather avoid this difficulty at 
 our own table by being careful not to invite these 
 two high dignitaries to meet at the same time. 
 
 Succeeding the President, the Vice-President, the 
 Chief Justice, comes the Speaker of the House, who, 
 as well as the Vice-President, is a possible successor 
 to the Presidency, and although he may be, and 
 generally is, a political power of the first impor- 
 tance, yet socially he comes in the fourth place. 
 He is addressed in conversation as " Mr. Speaker.^' 
 All these gentlemen we have mentioned receive the 
 first visit from all others. 
 
 The General of the Army and the Admiral of the 
 Navy occupy very exceptional positions. They fill 
 stations made for them by a grateful country in 
 recognition of special services, and the rank they 
 hold has been bestowed upon them for life. Yet, 
 properly speaking, they leave no successors except 
 as the roll of fame shall proclaim these trumpet- 
 tongued to the nation. As to the social precedence 
 their rank entitles them to, inasmuch as they move, 
 as it were, in eccentric orbits, they may be allowed 
 the brilliant revolutions of lumiuaries which appear 
 in the heavens and disappear without interruption to 
 the general plan ; in plain words, they are special 
 creations, and not an essential part of the machinery 
 
26 ETIQUETTE OF 
 
 of the state, and leave no successors to their places. 
 We believe they come after the four classes of officials 
 we have mentioned, and, we suppose, relatively to 
 each other, according to the order of the creation of 
 the Army and Navy Departments by the Govern- 
 ment. This rank, it seems to us, is theirs by right, 
 and not by courtesy alone, as the General of the 
 Army and the Admiral of the Navy represent the 
 two arms of the Government through whom it must 
 act directly in case of war. Some are of opinion that 
 these special creations should hold social positions of 
 precedence subordinate to the Cabinet and to the 
 Senate. Regarding this, we would ask. To what 
 dizzy height may the Senate, expressing the acclaim 
 of the nation, and vested with the confirming power 
 by the Constitution, raise those whom they delight 
 to honor? Does this august body take these patri- 
 otic defenders of the republic from the gates of the 
 Temple of Janus, which these heroes have closed, 
 invest them with titles as with a shining raiment, 
 and, at the same moment, limit thei?^ own power of 
 conferring this lustre of renow^n? Does not the very 
 precedence which may be thus assigned them — this 
 place set apart by common consent, as in the case of 
 the Chief Magistracy — present the utmost possible 
 inducement the country may offer to stimulate mili- 
 tary and naval achievement? Nor can the Senate 
 be less in honor when It thus assists to build so high 
 the bulwarks of the Executive in time of war; and 
 
SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. 27 
 
 it must not be overlooked, as we have already said, 
 that no general rule can become established here, for 
 at the death of the incumbents the stations disappear. 
 It will then anew require the Promethean spark of 
 genius aiding opportunity to revive the rank. Until 
 such time may again come, the Army and Navy will 
 once more be commanded by the Senior Officer of 
 tlie service, and, routine resuming its sway, the old 
 place under the respective Departments will be as- 
 signed. 
 
 Among officers of the Army and Navy there exists 
 a corresponding rank, — the Lieu ten ant-General and 
 the Vice- Admiral, the Major-General and the Rear- 
 Admiral, the Brigadier-General and the Commodore, 
 the Colonel of the Army relatively to the Captain 
 of the Navy, and so on pari passu. Upon this rule 
 a social precedence can alone be placed whenever 
 formal or ceremonious occasions require it. In 
 England the Navy has precedence over the Army, 
 inasmuch, we suppose, as the British nation in the 
 highest degree owes its grandeur and prosperity to 
 the perfection of its naval power and to its commer- 
 cial marine. Hence every possible incentive to aim 
 at brilliant success is given by England to the Navy. 
 But the American nation, considering the magnitude 
 of its seaboard and interior seas, is strangely apathetic 
 about granting the highest form of encouragement to 
 naval achievement, and social Jionor is recognized the 
 world over as the very culmination of success. In 
 
28 ETIQUETTE OF 
 
 this matter, as in all others, the political uses domi- 
 nate with us. It is one of the vices of our system. 
 The soldier votes, while the sailor at sea makes even 
 this highest sacrifice of his " birthright" for his un- 
 grateful country. And sometimes poor Jack does 
 not receive his " mess of pottage" in return. 
 
 We have now to consider the Cabinet; and here 
 we must remark that so much confusion at once 
 appears as really to make the whole subject a dis- 
 couraging one. 
 
 As to the Cabinet, relatively to each other, the 
 order observed is that priority in which these offices 
 were created, — thus : the State, the Treasury, the 
 War, the Navy, the General Post-Office, the Inte- 
 rior, and the Department of Justice. The chiefs of 
 these Departments form the Executive Council of the 
 Administration, but at the same time they are actual 
 Heads of Departments of State. These functionaries 
 alike expect to receive calls, and alike claim the same 
 privileges; and it is only upon state occasions, such 
 as official receptions, or formal state dinners, or other 
 state ceremonials, that their order need be specially 
 defined. Yet these situations are of not unfrequent 
 occurrence, and no embarrassment should arise when 
 they do present themselves. 
 
 It has been a contested point as to who should pay 
 the first visit upon each other, — the Cabinet officer or 
 the Senator, — but there would seem to be a growing 
 tendency to yield to the Senatorial claim. This claim 
 
SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. 29 
 
 is based on the argument that the Senator represents 
 State sovereignty, and that the dignity is, consequently, 
 superior to that of the Cabinet officer, whose nomi- 
 nation the Senate confirms by its vote, and who is 
 appointed constitutional aid and adviser of the Presi- 
 dent. Yet the Cabinet officer is something more 
 than this ; for, presiding over an entire Department 
 of the Government, he possesses both power and 
 dignity of function. As to his confirmation being 
 subject to the vote of the Senate, the Senator, in turn, 
 is subject to the State Legislature for his appoint- 
 ment, and this line of reasoning would place a State 
 Senator above a United States Senator, and the 
 Great Unwashed above the State Senator. Evidently, 
 we cannot go back to first principles too closely in a 
 republic in order to regulate our ceremonial. 
 
 But we do not propose to enter the domain of 
 constitutional law, but simply to explain points, 
 some established and others controverted, of social 
 law, and give reasons, where any exist, for certain 
 customs. 
 
 To our apprehension, leaving grave Cabinet Min- 
 isters and Senators to arrange questions of relative 
 social importance, — or rather their wives to do this for 
 them, for it is women who are social agitators in the 
 Republic, — we really think that Senators' wives might 
 safely yield this point to the Cabinet, when all the 
 circumstances are considered; or if this cannot be 
 effected, at least let a compromise be made, that cer- 
 
30 ETIQUETTE OF 
 
 tain privileges are to be accorded by courtesy, still to 
 be held in reserve as a 7nght. 
 
 The ladies of the Cabinet have literally the pub- 
 lic at their doors, and no one woman can possibly 
 have health, strength, and endurance to enable her 
 to meet the heavy burden imposed. These ladies 
 are few in number, their residence here is fixed, 
 central, and well known, while the families of Sen- 
 ators often come here for a short period of time only, 
 and unless they call in person, or send their card 
 giving their address, the utmost vigilance may not 
 detect their momentary presence. It is true that many 
 Senators have permanent residences here also, and 
 even live in a superior style to Cabinet officers, yet we 
 now speak of the general rule. The rapidly-increas- 
 ing size of our society really demands that there should 
 be some exemption allowed by custom to the higher 
 officers of the executive, with regard to the personal 
 notice of visits. If it were once understood that to 
 return a call by a card sent, and afterwards acknowl- 
 edge the visit received (in all cases where *the person 
 who calls has any social claims that are recognized 
 in general society) by cards of invitation to recep- 
 tions, these ladies would then be allowed some res- 
 pite. To return a thousand visits in person is a 
 hardship none can realize except those who have 
 attempted the task. And, moreover, it becomes an 
 utterly senseless formality. Why are these calls 
 made by society in general ? They are made as a 
 
SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. 31 
 
 mark of respect for the elevated station, and also in 
 order to participate in the receptions which these 
 functionaries give from time to time. These objects 
 could be better met if it were permissible to send 
 cards in recognition of visits, and if, where personal 
 visits were made, the exceptions simply included 
 the Supreme Court, the United States Senate, the 
 Diplomatic Body, the General, and the Admiral, 
 while outside of these functionaries an exception 
 was allowed ; and if this rule were once established, 
 no invidious comments could be made. That which 
 renders it so very disagreeable now to receive a card 
 in place of a personal visit, is the knowledge that 
 your c^U is not treated with the same respect that 
 is paid to that of others ; but a general rule could 
 not produce ill-feeling. We see this notably in the 
 case of the President and his wife. No one feels 
 aggrieved because his or her visit is in no manner 
 returned by these personages. 
 
 Again, the card receptions that Cabinet Ministers 
 find it incumbent to give are of necessity so large 
 that they are unpleasantly crowded for both host and 
 guest. Why not select some suitable public hall for 
 these receptions, and let each Cabinet Minister hold 
 therein one, two, or more card receptions during what 
 is called " the season" ? We know of no social ex- 
 perience so disagreeable as to make one of a dense 
 mass of human beings literally packed into rooms 
 of ordinary dimensions. It forms no compensation 
 
32 ETIQUETTE OF 
 
 that it is the " polite worlcF^ that suffocates you ! 
 Let any cue, philosophically or cynically disposed, 
 gain, if he can, a few inches of space in a corner, 
 and become a spectator of such scenes as occur every 
 winter at our crowded receptions, and the sheer ab- 
 surdity of calling this aggregation, social life, be- 
 comes at once apparent. It is rather to be wondered 
 at that dreadful accidents have not before now re- 
 called society to its senses in this matter. We have 
 entered many a hospitable door, and looking upward 
 beheld such a surging mass of human beings on the 
 stairway that, dismayed at the idea of wedging our- 
 selves into this fearful crowd, we have sent our wraps 
 back into the carriage from the door, rather than at- 
 tempt to gain the dressing-room, and, only venturing 
 far enough to pay our respects to the beleaguered 
 host and hostess, have made a speedy exit : society, 
 conversation, beauty of effect, were all lost, all ren- 
 dered impossible, through want of space. 
 
 And this evil will go on increasing, unless some 
 changes are effected. We understand that the Cabi- 
 net of the present administration, alarmed at the 
 heavy burdens borne by their predecessors, contem- 
 plate making some change with regard to the per- 
 sonal return of visits. But it seems to us that any 
 departure from hitherto established usage must be 
 made by common consent^ to be well received or ef- 
 fective. 
 
 This change, doubtless, could be brought about if 
 
SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. 33 
 
 the wives of all the leading functionaries of state 
 would publish a card defining their position in such 
 a way as to make it evident that no personal dis- 
 courtesy was intended, but rather the reverse. For 
 if physical strength can by any device be saved for 
 hospitable effort, the public is thereby better served. 
 Yet this is a most difficult and hazardous experiment 
 to make. The result would be that in some cases a 
 card would be left in reply to a personal visit, while 
 for others exceptions would be made. 
 
 The question arises at once — especially among 
 people of consideration who are not in official life, 
 and who would thus be overlooked — whether they 
 will consent to receive so partial an equivalent for 
 their visit. While it is not to be denied that official 
 life constitutes a leading element in Washington so- 
 ciety, yet the official, however brilliant, is after all 
 so very ephemeral that, in real solidity of social im- 
 portance, the resident society must always form an 
 essential feature, and be classed as of the very 4lite. 
 
 Now, this resident society has reason to be jealous 
 of its privileges, for these are securely based upon 
 the highest respectability. The peculiar influences 
 and cosmopolitan atmosphere of the National Capi- 
 tal have given it refinement and breadth, which make 
 it too valuable an accessory to be overlooked. If 
 ladies whose husbands occupy official positions here, 
 fail to recognize with due consideration the resident 
 social circle, it is to be feared that sufficient reason 
 
34 ETiqUETTE OF 
 
 will not exist to induce this society to add the charm 
 of its life-long training to their more transitory ex- 
 istence. Even in Paris, where the Minister rarely 
 makes a call in person, except upon his colleagues 
 or upon a representative of a foreign Power, yet if 
 the Minister wishes to accord particular respect to 
 eminent private worth, he does not hesitate to do so. 
 For instance, aged people of distinction or others of 
 extraordinary merit may be called upon without any 
 rule existing to prevent it. Certainly it is disagree- 
 able to receive a card in return for a personal visit, 
 and people of independent social position who have 
 equal society favors to offer in exchange will hesitate 
 long and perhaps refuse entirely to subject themselves 
 to such treatment. 
 
 The fact, however, cannot be overlooked, that all 
 of society in Washington who entertain much, suffer 
 from the present custom of being expected to ex- 
 change visits in person. An emancipation, therefore, 
 needed more or less by all, is the substitution of 
 exchange of cards for exchange of visits. Such sub- 
 stitution would give more time and a fuller measure 
 of strength for an exchange of hospitality. If we 
 could ever claim this happy freedom, and an ex- 
 emption be mutually accorded from the never-ceas- 
 ing, never-ending, meaningless round of calls, society 
 life in this city would reach its acme. Then tlie 
 personal visit could be limited to the recognition of 
 invitations, or as a mark of personal regard, for 
 
SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. 35 
 
 special reasons. What an ocean of inane talk would 
 be avoided, what painful, irreparable loss of precious 
 time saved ! 
 
 No great importance can be attached to the mo- 
 mentary morning call, other than as the formal prel- 
 ude to a better acquaintance at the social reunions 
 they are intended to precede. If society would only 
 consent to assume that an exchange of cards was to 
 be considered as but a complimentary prelude to a 
 higher exercise of hospitality, the card would then 
 be graciously received. Of course no one person 
 will be allowed to initiate such an innovation. Our 
 social customs, like our language, can only be altered 
 in their polite uses by that common consent that makes 
 law. 
 
 If ever a woman's parliament ought to be con- 
 vened, it would be to relieve our social life in Wash- 
 ington from the senseless waste of time involved in 
 the tread-mill routine of social visits. A clever 
 woman, whom we met making a round of reception 
 visits last winter, said to us, "You do not see my 
 chain, but I am a galley-slave none the less !" 
 
 In the name of Liberty, who will arise to strike 
 off our shackles? 
 
 The same controversy as to the first visit, which 
 implies precedence, has always existed as regards the 
 Diplomatic Body, who represent other countries near 
 our own. We have known some ladies of the Sen- 
 ate who have refrained from making the first visit 
 
36 ETIQUETTE OF 
 
 upon the wives of Foreign Ministers, assigning the 
 same reason, that the Senators represented a State 
 sovereignty, while the Minister was only an accred- 
 ited functionary from a foreign power, it being 
 held that the Ambassador or Envoy alone properly 
 represented the sovereignty of a State, and this rank 
 is not often sent to us. Yet the Minister Plenipo- 
 tentiary and Envoy Extraordinary certainly has a 
 special mission, and may be said to represent State 
 sovereignty, if not the person of the sovereign. This, 
 of course, involves the question of relative dignity, 
 and this in turn involves a veritable treatise on in- 
 ternational law, and places the whole subject beyond 
 the patience of our feminine disputants. We would 
 make the womanly appeal, in behalf of the foreigner, 
 of courtesy to the stranger. Based upon this senti- 
 ment, which should dominate us in their case, we 
 would grant a Foreign Minister precedence wher- 
 ever it can at all be given. In England Foreign 
 Ambassadors take precedence of the English nobles. 
 This precedence relatively to each other, rank being 
 equal, is accorded to priority of residence among us. 
 The Dean or Doyen enters upon his functions in 
 virtue of length of stay near our Government. Yet 
 we have witnessed very grave offence given at a 
 dinner-table, where the host led in the wife of a 
 Foreign Minister, the fair belligerent being the wife 
 of a Senator who claimed the honor as her due. 
 Now, since it is to be presumed that the special 
 
SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. 37 
 
 object of every entertainment is to promote good 
 will and not to foster ill will, it is to be regretted 
 that no definite rule as regards social official classi- 
 fication prevails. A carefully adjusted ceremonial 
 would be no more incompatible with republican 
 institutions than the legal classification which now 
 exists, and which must continue to endure. These 
 have a fixedness coexistent with the republic, and 
 our social life is their complement. Let us not un- 
 dervalue its importance. Daniel Webster called a 
 well-appointed dinner "the climax of civilization." 
 We ought to be able to reach this climax smoothly. 
 The breakfast, the luncheon, the kettle-drum, the 
 four-o'clock tea, the " matinee dansante/' the musicole, 
 the soiree convet^sationale, and the assembly are all 
 and each charming in their degree as adjuncts of 
 social life, yet the dinner is " the climax J^ 
 
 Now, there are some dinner rules which are abso- 
 lute, although we fear at times they are either mis- 
 understood, or at all events disregarded. It seems 
 needless to recapitulate; and yet the very fact that 
 mistakes are so often made must serve as our apol- 
 ogy here. For instance, an invitation to dine must 
 be precise, and should be couched in some such 
 formula as the following : 
 
38 ETIQUETTE OF 
 
 
 MR. JONES 
 
 
 
 BEQUESTS THE HONOR OF 
 
 
 
 MR. SMITH'S 
 
 
 
 COMPANY AT DINNER 
 
 
 On 
 
 Monday, the 1st December, at 7 o' 
 
 clock. 
 
 JV^oi 
 
 . 22, '75. i?. ;S'. 
 
 r.p. 
 
 When such an invitation is received, an answer 
 should not only be given in writing, but it should 
 be sent at the very earliest moment at all practica- 
 ble. 
 
 We knew a diplomat here, renowned for courtly 
 manners, and for the incomparable dinners which 
 he gave, whose answer to a dinner invitation came 
 on one occasion so promptly that our own messenger, 
 who also returned to us quickly, had not reached the 
 house when the acceptance arrived. And the fine 
 point on this piece of good manners was that this 
 was an acceptance, too, not a regret, which is con- 
 sidered to" demand greater expedition, even, in the 
 sending. This gentleman entertained his friends so 
 constantly at dinner that he understood the import- 
 ance of prompt attention. In writing an answer to a 
 formal dinner invitation we should be careful to 
 make it as exact as the note we have received. In- 
 deed, we should repeat this note. If our host has a 
 
SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. 39 
 
 title, — for instance, The President, — repeat his title 
 just as he himself may indicate to you. In answer 
 to Mr. Jones, you reply : 
 
 
 
 MR. SMITH 
 
 
 
 HAS 
 
 THE HONOR TO 
 
 MR. JONES' 
 
 ACCEPT 
 
 
 KIND 
 
 INVITATION TO 
 
 DINNER 
 
 For 
 
 Monday, the 1st December, at 7 o'clock. 
 
 Nov. 
 
 22, 75. 
 
 
 
 The reason for this repetition is to show that you 
 have perfectly comprehended the invitation, so that 
 no error may have been committed as to time or place. 
 
 We have known awkward mistakes to occur from 
 want of attention in this matter. 
 
 Tlien, again, there should be no possibility of mis- 
 take as to your acceptance or non-acceptance. Let 
 your answer be positively "Yes/^ or " No.^' At 
 any other entertainment we may perhaps avail our- 
 selves of a reasonable uncertainty, but not so with 
 the dinner. 
 
 We once knew a poor little lady, " on hospitable 
 thoughts intent," who went to live in a small town 
 in the West. She had been accustomed to the well- 
 regulated dinner at home, and had been taught to 
 
40 ETiqUETTE OF 
 
 consider that the highest form of compliment was 
 to ask a friend to dinner. Wishing to be on the 
 best terms with her new neighbors, she sent out the 
 usual written cards of invitation to a score of guests, 
 — a formidable undertaking in a country village, — 
 but she was in no wise daunted, and all the prepa- 
 rations went on bravely. Everything bade fair to 
 make her dinner a success, except the dreadful fact 
 that up to the very last moment she remained uncer- 
 tain as to the number of her guests. In reply to her 
 written invitations came a score of verbal messages, 
 such as, " They hoped to come ;" "" Would come if 
 they could ;" ^' Could not tell exactly if their engage- 
 ments would permit;" "If well enough, w^ould 
 come." But in no one case was a positive response 
 received. So the banquet had to be prepared on this 
 score. The hour came and passed, and, after a fam- 
 ishing delay which spoiled everything, two tardy 
 guests dropped straggling in, and four rueful people 
 sat down to a superb dinner prepared for twenty 
 covers. This actually took place. 
 
 This grand collapse is just what may be expected 
 where no one knows his own intentions, and society 
 would receive its final doom did such conditions 
 widely exist. Yet very disagreeable complications 
 have arisen, even in Washington, from not paying 
 due attention to the importance of a definite answer. 
 Suppose, for example, there are fomieen covers at 
 your dinner ; and fourteen forms a pleasant and favor- 
 
SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. 41 
 
 ite number, suiting very well the size of the home 
 dining-room ordinarily. Let fourteen be all counted, 
 and suppose one guest disappoints ! He leaves 
 thirteen miserable souls to tell ghost-stories and 
 wonder if the dinner will poison them, which very 
 likely it may do, since they were all so *^ blue" in the 
 discussing of it. It must be remembered that the 
 guests at a dinner-table must be properly placed in 
 advance, each plate marked with the name of the 
 expected guest written on a card, or on the menu, 
 or bill of fare, and the dinner chart mapped out, as 
 if by line and compass, so as to avoid all these 
 sunken rocks and breakers we have been considerincr, 
 so as to place people who will like each other in 
 proximity, so as to give ^' honor where honor is due," 
 so as to keep husband and wife from treading on each 
 other's toes, so as to please those you entertain by 
 giving widows and marriageable young ladies de- 
 sirable '^ partis^^ to captivate, so as to put the decan- 
 ter of old Madeira near the bon-vivant, so as to leave 
 the ends of your table open and unoccupied and the 
 central places filled with your most distinguished 
 guests. Now, how is all this, and more too, to be 
 done — pleasure to reign, confusion to be avoided, 
 exact distribution of this cornucopia of blessings to 
 be showered on your blissful guests — unless there 
 is certainty f Is not life miserable because of the 
 uncertainty of all its enjoyments, and are we thus 
 ever to be cheated of even momentary happiness? 
 
42 ETIQUETTE OF 
 
 A thousand times, say yes or no, and let the 
 pleasure of this supreme social gratification be un- 
 impaired ! 
 
 The length of time preceding the dinner invitation 
 marks the degree of formality which it is expected 
 will characterize the arrangements. A card of invi- 
 tation sent ten days in advance informs us of a state 
 dinner. Eight days of notification is the ustial time; 
 after that even four or five days may be allowed, as 
 simply inviting to a social dinner, or even two 
 or three days if "en petit comitej' We once had 
 the honor to be " one of seven" at such a dinner,* 
 where Seward, Stanton, and a foreign celebrity were 
 entertained by a diplomat, the short stay in the city 
 of the guest of the occasion, whom we were invited 
 to meet, being the reason mentioned for the hurried 
 summons. But the informal dinner is rather the 
 privilege of private life, and we are now considering 
 the official etiquette of Washington, where state 
 functionaries are expected to invite eight days in 
 advance. To allow so much time is certainly the 
 highest compliment, since it more surely secures 
 the original number selected. The time designated 
 having arrived, punctuality is imperative. Dinner 
 rules do not allow over fifteen, or at the most twenty, 
 minutes of delay, in order to await the arrival of any 
 guest, no matter how exalted his functions in the 
 State may be. Courtesy to those present requires 
 that you give the company assembled their dinner 
 
SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. 43 
 
 before it spoils or grows cold. So pray arrive, if 
 yon can, at the precise moment at which you are 
 invited. If you reach the house the first guest at a 
 dinner, in place of waiting until some one else shall 
 appear, rather pride yourself upon your superior 
 good breeding for the nonce, and enter at once. La- 
 dies attend formal dinners " en grande toilette/' or 
 "full dress," and gentlemen in the corresponding 
 and conventional dress suit of black, with white 
 '^choker," — only, messieurs, do not wear white gloves; 
 take lavender or any delicate tint in preference. At 
 times officers of the army or navy prefer to show 
 their respect by appearing in uniform ; and we love 
 this dress so well — it appeals so gratefully to our 
 patriotism — that we are always glad to see it. Yet 
 senior officers especially, having been *^in harness," 
 as these old "war-horses" call it, all their lives, are 
 not sorry to get rid of the constraint and wear the 
 dress suit of black also. However, if the occasion is 
 one of state, this will scarcely be permitted. Gloves 
 must be worn upon entrance to the drawing-room, 
 but must always be taken off at the moment one is 
 seated at the table. A recent innovation, which, if 
 the fashionable world could suspect was an economy, 
 would probably be at once scouted, but which we 
 like anyway, permits that the gloves shall not be 
 replaced at all after their removal at the table. 
 This, however, may be only one of those flitting 
 fashions, worn like the glove for the moment, and 
 
44 ETIQUETTE OF 
 
 then cast aside. Yet do not forget that during the 
 serving of a dinner the waiters in attendance alone 
 wear gloves ! And even the waiter serves with 
 greater elegance w^ith the thumb of the hand 
 wrapped in a damask napkin. Previous to the an- 
 nouncement that " dinner is served," the host in- 
 forms each gentleman which lady he is expected to 
 lead in to dinner, and introduces them to each other 
 in case they happen not to be acquainted. Indeed, we 
 think at a dinner of moderate size the convives should 
 all know each other, and should be introduced, if 
 need be, by the host. Dinner announced, the host 
 offers his left arm to the lady who has the highest 
 official position present, and the hostess leaves the 
 drawing-room last, led in by the gentleman of the 
 first official distinction present. On leaving the 
 table, this order is reversed, the hostess leading the 
 way. We once knew of a lawless old diplomat who 
 would lead in with the prettiest young girl of the 
 company at his own splendid dinners ; but his de- 
 moralizing course met that grave reprobation it de- 
 served from all virtuous matrons ! As a just pun- 
 ishment for such discreditable conduct, he fell a 
 victim finally to an innocent and confiding young 
 creature of seventeen, left the country, and took his 
 American bride to his foreign home, where he lives 
 doubtless a reformed man, if indeed he still survive! 
 Thus our polite host and hostess take the central 
 seats opposite to each other, being supported on either 
 
SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. 45 
 
 side by their most distinguished guests. The reason 
 the extreme ends of a table should be left open, no 
 seats placed there if possible, and at all events never 
 occupied by the entertainers, is very obvious; since 
 from a central position one can better care for one's 
 guests, and promote conversation and a genial and 
 measured degree of hilarity ; while on the other 
 hand, if guests are given the extreme ends, it may 
 seem to place them "below the salt." Courtesy to 
 the hostess requires that the guests, upon being as- 
 signed to their places, should remain standing until 
 she is seated. Then the ladies are seated next; 
 afterwards their escorts place themselves. As to the 
 suitiible service of a table, Washington has many 
 good caterers and intelligent waiters, whose attend- 
 ance can readily be procured, in case the home estab- 
 lishment needs to be reinforced — as indeed it gen- 
 erally does — in order to meet^he requirements of a 
 banquet. So the chief care of the host and hostess 
 should be to forget that the dinner is being served, 
 and try to interest their guests. As to the menu, or 
 bill of fare, which it is better to put at each plate, for 
 the information of the epicurean appetite, we would 
 suggest not to yield implicitly to the caterer, who 
 will be sure to prolong your dinner beyond the 
 bounds of good taste. Especially should this be the 
 case where a sudden acquisition of fortune gives 
 hospitable people the means of entertaining. Such 
 persons, quite unaccustomed to judge for themselves 
 
46 ETIQUETTE OF 
 
 of what is really proper, are readily imposed upon 
 by those whose interest it is to provide lavish feasts. 
 A banquet must be sumptuous rather in the careful 
 choice and quality than in the profuse quantity of 
 the selected dishes. If you desire to spend money 
 without stint when giving dinners, do so rather by 
 the artistic elaboration of that which you present 
 than by an endless repetition of courses which pall 
 upon the taste. Do not be persuaded to exceed ten 
 courses — it is wearisome; let the wines be delicate, 
 and do not mix wines in which tastes conflict. The 
 French custom (and the French are unrivalled in all 
 matters of taste) of only presenting each wine once 
 is excellent; it effectually prevents all inebriating 
 excess, which is so utterly disgraceful if it happen to 
 occur. 
 
 A very great reform, however, has taken place in 
 the j)ast few years Avith regard to the use of wines. 
 Doubtless the agitation kept up by temperance soci- 
 eties has had something to do with this; but much 
 also has been effected by the happy introduction of 
 light native wines among us at moderate prices. 
 When the vin-du-pays becomes as cheap here as it is 
 in France or Italy, we shall have effectually swept 
 away the intoxicating poisons which as yet are de- 
 manded. We recollect hearing our father, the Hon. 
 S. F. Vinton, say that when he came here in 1823, 
 the then youngest member of the House, and a bach- 
 elor, he absolutely dreaded a dinner, on account of 
 
SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. 47 
 
 the social tyranny in the matter of drinking. Old 
 English customs then prevailed at the dinner, and 
 the calibre of a man's brain was measured at dinner 
 by the capacity of his stomach to guzzle bumpers. 
 For a man of exceedingly delicate nerve organiza- 
 tion, such as Mr. Vinton had, who considered a clear 
 head as absolutely needful for a wise legislator, this 
 custom was torture. Let us rejoice that this enforced 
 dissipation has given way to more Christian ideas. 
 If we could only, when we exercise hospitality, learn 
 to set aside such lavish luxury as sinful, and share 
 with the poor of the Lord by dividing this excess 
 somewhat with them, we would in this way, if only 
 in an imperfect degree, obey the injunction to call in 
 from the highways and the by-ways the suffering 
 multitude. As we write of costly banquets our 
 pen falters, and tearful visions of pale faces and of 
 starving children rise before us. As a Christian 
 woman, and as we hope for mercy hereafter for 
 ourselves, we can but implore society to let the 
 crumbs that fall from its table console the Lazarus 
 at its door. Winter is always a time of unusual 
 hardship for these little children of our common 
 Father, and we wish some united action could be 
 had to avoid waste. But we turn our saddened eyes 
 from the cold and chill and hungry gaze without, to 
 the light and warmth and glow within, and we again 
 ask our pleasant hostess not to be afraid of exercising 
 her own individual taste in the matter of adornment 
 
48 ETIQUETTE OF 
 
 of her table. An original thought, if it is graceful, 
 pleases the old diner-out, who wearies of the monot- 
 ony of conventional elegance. It is too tiresome to 
 see the same hired ornaments day after day, and to 
 go through the same unvarying routine. Rather 
 use a simple vase of flowers than a piece of finery 
 hired for the occasion. Personal care bestowed is 
 more flattering than the hired glitter. We once said 
 to our hostess, " You have produced a fine effect," 
 when we were shocked by the disclaimer, " And yet 
 we took no pains." Now, it was for this very " pains," 
 for the thoughtful care to please, we were thanking 
 her. 
 
 Our dinner talk is over, the hostess rises first, and 
 all proceed to the drawing-room, where coffee, the 
 demie-tasse, cordials, and, an hour later, tea are served. 
 The hostess usually serves the tea herself, but this is 
 not de rigueur; and although we love to see a hostess 
 exercise '^les petlts soins,'' — those little acts of hos- 
 pitable care, — yet we confess to being most bent upon 
 conversation, and to our dislike of anything that in- 
 terrupts the '^ feast of reason and the flow of soul." 
 The after-dinner hour is precious in its genial exer- 
 cise of intellect or for music. At such times a gracious 
 play of fancy is stimulated, and even the cup of tea 
 should be used " to cheer," and not to interfere. Yet 
 many a gentle dame presides so gracefully at the tea- 
 board, and dispenses the grateful beverage with such 
 pleasant words, that none may cavil. We have in 
 
SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. 49 
 
 our eye now one of our most honored matrons, her 
 placid face almost hidden by the burnished silver, 
 the hissing tea-urn, the snowy bowl of sugar, and as 
 she handles the quaint old china we hear her say, 
 " For twenty-five years have I made tea, seated just 
 here, at this board,^' — -just twenty-five years! And 
 "Aere,'' then, the raonarchs of thought, who have 
 toiled to bring about the culmination of our nation's 
 grandeur, have sipped their Bohea. The " old fam- 
 ilies" of Washington have an interest for us which 
 none other in the land may claim, for their social life 
 has gone hand in hand with that of the nation. But 
 we have not yet bade our hostess adieu, — a formality 
 we may dispense with at a soirie, but not at a dinner. 
 
 The gentlemen, some of them, are still in the 
 smoking-room. We feel sorry that they smoke so 
 long, for charming women are here, and it is the 
 common loss. Perhaps, like social cowards, they 
 retreat from an apprehended captivity. 
 
 We are at liberty to leave after the coffee, but we 
 linger still and sip our tea. However, during what 
 is called the season, social festivities become so mul- 
 tiplied that one may have several engagements to 
 meet later than the dinner. It is therefore admis- 
 sible to leave as soon as the coffee is handed. Suc- 
 ceeding the dinner a visit, which the French wittily 
 call visite de digestion^ must be made within the week. 
 While descanting on dinner-table topics and of enter- 
 tainments in general, we would strive anew to call 
 
 4 
 
50 ETIQUETTE OF 
 
 attention to some finer points too often misunderstood. 
 In the first place, let it be held as a cardinal prin- 
 ciple thai a mere outlay of money, unless directed by 
 refinement of taste, can never attain successful results. 
 The dinners that marked the era of the Caesars, the 
 banquets, for instance, of JSTero and of Caligula, liave 
 scarcely, if ever, been equalled through the succeed- 
 ing ages in lavish expenditure. The gastronomic 
 excesses of pagan days, when thousands of dollars 
 were spent upon a single dish, were followed by the 
 sumptuous feasts of the Middle Ages, during which 
 the perfumed air, delicious strains of music, and an 
 infinitude of fanciful conceits were intended to cap- 
 tivate and enthrall the senses. 
 
 The barbaric glitter of these entertainments has 
 been in turn succeeded by a higher civilization, 
 which calls for something more than gastronomic 
 chefs-d^oeuvre, and aims to promote festive wit. To 
 secure this end the first consideration must be a care- 
 ful choice of guests. No dinner, however superb in 
 prandial show, can be agreeable if the convives are 
 dullards. If perfection is sought for, let the guests 
 and the courses not exceed the Muses in number. 
 No sordid computation of dollars can buy or meas- 
 ure the Promethean light of conversational effect. 
 The "glad circle," then, must have this highest 
 requisite. When music is introduced as an acces- 
 sory, it should not be bruyante, but must be placed at 
 such distance as to form, as it were, an undertone to 
 
SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. 51 
 
 the dinner-table talk, mingling with, harmonizing, 
 but never overpowering, its effect. This is the true 
 musical province of an accom^paniment. 
 
 Avoid the growing taste for dining your friends 
 at a club-house or outside of your own house. There 
 is no savor of hospitality of so fine flavor as that of 
 bringing your friends into your own home. Noth- 
 ing can replace the Lares and Penates. Even the 
 heathen understood this. Strive to individualize 
 the style of your dinner, so as to give the zest of 
 "something new'' to its elegance. In this connec- 
 tion the artistic hand-painted menus and dinner-cards 
 now so much in vogue are to be commended. We 
 would also like to see more originality in the floral 
 decorations of the dinner-table. This ornamenta- 
 tion is often more elaborate than tasteful. The 
 poets sing to us of the '' language of flowers." Why 
 not speak to each guest in this style of graceful com- 
 pliment ? If the china-merchants, stationers, or other 
 similar dealers would furnish alphabetical f onus in 
 grooves^ to be filled in and hidden from sight by 
 flowers, we could thus express with these floral let- 
 ters ideas which would produce a new and pleasing 
 variety. 
 
 Precedence at the dinner-table is the grand subject 
 of social wrangling in Washington, and the need of 
 a fixed rule is here so painfully apparent that those 
 who have been taught to be careful by sad experience, 
 will simply avoid asking those functionaries to meet 
 
52 ETiqUETTE OF 
 
 each other whose claims may conflict. Yet the Vice- 
 President, the Chief Justice, the Speaker, the General 
 of the Army, the Admiral of the Xavy, Foreign Min- 
 isters, Cabinet Ministers, and Senators, they and their 
 wives, ought to be able to meet and dine in peace 
 together. Let a social congress or woman's parlia- 
 ment be convened, composed of these ladies, where, 
 after all the arguments and respective claims have 
 been duly weighed, some positive rules may be 
 agreed upon. It is surprising what natural aristo- 
 crats women are. In the army and navy, for ex- 
 ample, the wives of officers adhere more rigidly to 
 designated and relative social rank than the officers 
 do themselves ; nor do our American women object 
 to bear foreign titles of distinction. Indeed, in this 
 they reason wisely ; for in countries where class dis- 
 tinctions exist, these usually imply respectable lineage. 
 We would here remark that Cabinet officers are 
 addressed as *'Mr. Secretary." We do not like this, 
 for it designates the lowest rather than the highest 
 functions which these officials fill. They are in one 
 sense *' secretaries" of the President, appointed by 
 the Executive head and confirmed by the United 
 States Senate ; but at the same time they are active, 
 if not responsible, heads of vast departments of the 
 Government, with a power, patronage, and influence 
 which, if it were permanent, would exceed that of 
 many petty potentates of other countries. Names 
 become things in history, and we believe if "Mr. 
 
SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. 53 
 
 Secretary" were changed to " Mr. Minister," " The 
 Premier," and so on, it would help to adjust the 
 matter of social precedence. 
 
 Senators are addressed as " Mr. Senator," and this 
 is as it should be. Members of the House of Rep- 
 resentatives are introduced as the " Honorable Mr.," 
 but simply addressed in conversation as " Mr.," that 
 is, if a plain Mister can be found in that popular 
 body. But we venture to say, from an intimate 
 knowledge of our rural districts, that every man of 
 them bears a title at home. He is " Squire," " Judge," 
 "Captain," "Colonel," "General," and so through 
 all the gamut of the key-board of possible or im- 
 possible prefixes ! The republic seems to avenge 
 itself for having made the permanency of families 
 unattainable by piling Pelion upon Ossa during a 
 man's natural life! And now come women who 
 claim to be Miss Doctor and Mrs. Reverend on their 
 own account ! 
 
 With regard to women's titles, it is becoming 
 more and more the custom to say " Mrs. Secretary," 
 "Mrs. Senator," *'Mrs. General," "Mrs. Admiral," 
 and so on. They do this in Europe, to be sure, so 
 that it cannot be laughed at as ridiculous. Yet, 
 since we are a republic, we are supposed to stand on 
 the basis of personal merit and distinction won for 
 ourselves. But perhaps, when a woman captures a 
 President or other dignitary, she has won the right 
 to claim the title too. Some are said to " wear the 
 
54 ETIQUETTE OF 
 
 breeches/' " rule the roast," be the " better half/' and 
 "captain of the ship." From our own observation 
 at the Capital of this great nation, something more 
 of substance than the empty title is wielded by the 
 women who represent the country here. And we 
 should be very sorry to see our fair and very able 
 sisters disturbed in their privileges and right wo- 
 manly prerogatives. How much nicer, for example, 
 to be the wife of a President than to be Mr. Presi- 
 dent! for, as it is, one has a good share of the 
 power and none of the responsibility. But of course 
 we don't mean exactly what we say : women often do 
 not. We think, however, that while it may be in 
 good taste to give a lady these titular distinctions, 
 held really by their husbands, yet it would be in bad 
 taste to use them for one's self. Certainly it is very 
 convenient, when introducing ladies, to give such 
 nominal rank as may at once clearly and distinctly 
 designate them in the very fact of introduction. It 
 would often save a long explanation, or an uncertainty 
 still more disagreeable. 
 
 Members of the House of Representatives and 
 their wives are expected to make the first visit upon 
 all classes of functionaries we have mentioned ; but 
 citizens of Washington, and those in private life, owe 
 them in turn the first visit. 
 
 There is a form of government in this city, but 
 we really can have no idea of what its social claims 
 may be ; but it seems to us, as compared to the Na- 
 
SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. 55 
 
 tional Government, it must stand as a separate crea- 
 tion and take a subordinate position. Perliaps the 
 Commissioner's office may be exceptional to this rule. 
 
 If this mode of government continue in existence, 
 those who write on this theme ten years hence will be 
 able to judi^e better. Yet, thus far, everything con- 
 nected with the management of this District has been 
 subject to so various change that we can only ex- 
 claim, Ounne prlncipium grave ! 
 
 The citizens of Washington form among them- 
 selves, outside of the consideration of official life, a 
 body of society to be regulated by the same rules 
 which dominate other societies; yet, as we have said 
 before, Wasliington life is essentially official life, and 
 we can scarcely separate the two. 
 
 When you attend a reception, do not omit to leave 
 your card with the usher in the hall. In some houses 
 it is the custom always to give your name to the usher, 
 who then announces you cl haute voix. Of course, in 
 a society where so many strangers meet, and which is 
 so cosmopolitan in its nature, it may often be essen- 
 tial to announce in this way. In public receptions 
 it is entirely so; but we must enter a protest against 
 the awkward usher who murders your name out- 
 right, cuts you into halves, and shows you no quar- 
 ters. As to those foreigners who have a quartering 
 to their names, they must be fearful sufferers ! Let 
 the usher- be well trained to announce, or dispense 
 with his services in this respect altogether, as an un- 
 
56 ETIQUETTE OF 
 
 mitigated nuisance. A gentleman of distinction once 
 came into our presence with a sigh of relief as we 
 greeted him by the well-known cognomen. 
 
 "How good it is," said he, "to hear my name 
 once more ! I began to be uncertain as to my own 
 identity." 
 
 We laughed, and asked what he meant. "Well, 
 simply this: I have been attending receptions all the 
 morning, and have heard my name so mangled by 
 the ushers, and have found myself repeated under so 
 many different titles, that I am bewildered." 
 
 Use a plain card, if you do not wish to be sup- 
 posed fanciful; and never have it printed. Great 
 men, whose autographs are precious, confer a favor 
 certainly by writing the name on the card, but it is 
 more convenient and more elegant for society in gen- 
 eral to have the name engraved on the card. It is 
 also very comfortable for old ladies who read through 
 glasses if these letters are plain and legible. 
 
 The clergy take a signal position, and we think 
 should always be accorded the place of honor when 
 present in society. They are Envoys of a Higher 
 Power, and have the most important and sacred mis- 
 sion of all. We were once at a dinner where a cler- 
 gyman was present, and there were Foreign Minis- 
 ters and Cabinet Ministers, Senators, and others of 
 dignity, when the venerable Doyen of the Corps Di- 
 plomatique asked the hostess to assign the place at 
 her side, for which he had been designated, to the 
 
SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. 57 
 
 clergyman. And this wise old gentleman, who un- 
 derstood so well all matters of social courtesy, decided 
 on true principles based upon that Divine law which 
 is above human law and goes beyond it. In Eng- 
 land, Archbishops rank with Dukes. A similar, or 
 a greater, appreciation for the cl.ergy is everywhere 
 held as of polite usage. 
 
 Very aged persons, also, should be treated with 
 peculiar respect. God has stamped upon them the 
 majesty of years, and we must give them a deferen- 
 tial place. Not long since, the nation beheld a touch- 
 ing example of filial respect in the family of its Chief 
 Magistrate, and it seems to us that it was a provi- 
 dential spectacle at a time w^hen insubordination to 
 parents is a growing evil throughout the land. Many 
 years since, a friend of ours, the wife of a public 
 man, was led in to dinner by the then President. 
 The aged father of His Excellency being present, it 
 was made a question if the President should precede 
 his own father. By right as President, yes ; by 
 filial courtesy as son, no. A similar question may 
 now also arise as regards the venerable mother of our 
 present President. The nation is fortunate to have 
 repeated the beautiful lesson of filial affection for its 
 example. Exceptions to ordinary claims of social 
 or even official precedence may also be allowed by 
 courtesy to strangers of distinction who make us 
 passing visits, to remarkable worth and merit, such 
 as philanthropists and other benefactors of mankind 
 
58 ETiqUETTE OF 
 
 exhibit, or to extraordinary and acknowledged scien- 
 tific, artistic, or literary excellence. Deference to 
 these conditions illnstrates the existence of that ad- 
 vanced state of civilization which it is our aim to 
 acquire. 
 
 In making visits always send in or leave your 
 card. At receptions the usher takes your card. At 
 other times the person called upon not being at home, 
 you turn down the right-hand upper corner of the 
 pasteboard to indicate that you came in person ; and 
 if the visit is intended for the various members of a 
 family, you either give several cards or leave one 
 with the entire right side folded over. The choice is 
 immaterial. When you go away from the city alto- 
 gether, do not omit to send a card upon which P. P. 
 C. is written on the right-hand lower corner, and if 
 this visit of adieu is made in person turn down the 
 right-hand lower corner. A prompt notice should 
 be taken of the first visit received, and when such 
 visit inaugurates an acquaintance, the card or call 
 should be at once honored. An intervening period 
 not exceeding three days marks high breeding, as it 
 evinces your pleasure at forming the acquaintance, so 
 that a return visit within a day or so is therefore a 
 delicate compliment. Dignitaries of state should 
 make instant return of the first visit. This also 
 is navy etiquette. With regard to entertainments 
 other than the dinner, one is at liberty not to send 
 a written answer of acceptance ; but in case of non- 
 
SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. 59 
 
 acceptance it is certainly more polite to send a regret. 
 Of course, if an answer is requested (the R. S. V. P. 
 means the same thing) an answer should be given 
 accordingly. When one has a small house it is im- 
 portant to know what number of guests may be ex- 
 pected, and always more pleasant for a hostess to be 
 thus assured. In making calls the usual visiting 
 hours are from two until five. This portion of the 
 day is particularly set apart for formal calls. An 
 evening visit implies some degree of social acquaint- 
 ance, and should never be made as a first call, unless 
 you are invited to come unceremoniously. A call of 
 condolence should always be made on occasions of 
 death in the family of an acquaintance. Turn down 
 the left-hand lower corner of the card. 
 
 Persons in private life, having no official position 
 in Washington, are in a measure exempt from the 
 necessity of making the official round of visits or of 
 giving large entertainments ; yet any one who enters 
 into general society here must of course conform to 
 the official rules of precedence and etiquette. Pri- 
 vate life here has its advantages as well as its disad- 
 vantages. It is pleasant to select your own company, 
 even though choice extend to but a limited number ; 
 and the private citizen is free to do this. Washing- 
 ton will certainly become more and more a central 
 social point of attraction to persons of wealth and re- 
 finement who can exercise freedom of selection, and 
 who will also add to the already charming variety 
 
60 ETIQUETTE OF 
 
 of society. Such persons must surely appreciate our 
 social advantages over all other cities of the Union. 
 
 Young people amongst us have never as a common 
 rule been allowed to tyrannize over society as they 
 do in New York and in other cities; and the inef- 
 fable vulgarity of coteries presided over by young 
 ladies, and not dignified by the presence of their 
 seniors, has not, we believe, had much if any encour- 
 agement here. Probably the presence of so many 
 personages of importance in the State assists to keep 
 the young in their proper place. One may here see, 
 what we fear is not so usual elsewhere, young ladies 
 remain standing, as they should do, until the mother 
 or married lady may be seated, and at all events an 
 appearance of subordination which speaks well for 
 the future. Our young people are not often invited 
 to dinners, but left to participate in the simpler forms 
 of gayety. We have heard it said that a woman did 
 not enjoy a dinner-conversation, or play a good hand 
 at whist, under thirty ! 
 
 On New- Year's day ladies are not expected to 
 make visits. Gentlemen call to pay the compliments 
 of the season, and ladies stay at home to welcome 
 visitors. 
 
 We think our ladies make a mistake, and also 
 fatigue themselves unnecessarily, by receiving stand- 
 ing. This is a great tax on the strength, and much 
 more formal than is apt to be agreeable. In very 
 large receptions a lady who receives can scarcely be 
 
SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. Ql 
 
 seated; but in the usual morning at home would 
 not our guests remain longer, and be more at ease, if 
 seated in pleasant circles, rather than left standing in 
 formal groups in the middle of the room ? Magnet- 
 ism counts for something the world over, and stiif 
 constraint destroys electric currents. 
 
 As to the refreshments proper to provide at a 
 morning reception, the choice is quite optional here, 
 as in other of our cities. A cup of chocolate is, how- 
 ever, usually offered, and many still preserve the old 
 custom, and add other refreshing drinks and many 
 tempting comfits. 
 
 The idea of writing this little pamphlet was first 
 suggested to us by a distinguished personage here, 
 who thought something of the kind would be well 
 received and ought to be published. The very lim- 
 ited scope we have given ourselves shows for itself 
 in the size of this little essay; for we have not pro- 
 posed to attempt the history of social customs since 
 pre-Adamitic periods, nor yet to instruct in all the 
 rules of a manual of good manners, nor to give the 
 rounded polish of a Chesterfield, but simply to in- 
 dicate certain peculiarities of Washington society. 
 
 We have heard some of the subjects we have just 
 hinted at, commented upon from our first acquaint- 
 ance with official social life here ; and although we 
 have alluded to many little matters which must seem 
 rather puerile and perhaps unworthy of serious at- 
 
62 SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. 
 
 tention, yet these are the very questions one asks 
 most often upon first arrival in Washington. We 
 do not endeavor or presume to instruct, but rather 
 desire to recapitulate mooted points, show how trou- 
 blesome their unsettled condition makes them, and 
 ask for a woman's congress, or '' kitchen cabinet," to 
 define them in the interest of society. 
 
 So far as we have noted some customs, we have 
 preferred to leave as many more unnoted, on the sup- 
 position that our reader forms a "court that knows 
 something." 
 
APPENDIX. 
 
 As far back as 1825 the President held a levee 
 every other Wednesday evening, and it was custom- 
 ary to make the announcement in the National In- 
 telligencer, The hour was at that time from 8 to 10 
 P.M., and it was usual to oiFer some refreshments, 
 which were placed on trays, and carried about the 
 rooms by waiters. Gentlemen then appeared in 
 small-clothes, which was the accepted full dress of 
 the period ; and we remember hearing our father say 
 that so great was the precision that, although some 
 gentlemen occasionally wore boots, it w^as considered 
 more proper to go in silk stockings and pumps. Of 
 course the usual dress suit of black has long since 
 taken tlie place of this more courtly, though less 
 convenient, style of dress. It was not at first the 
 custom to have music, except on New- Year's day, 
 when a government band discoursed patriotic airs ; 
 but in the time of Mr. Adams, and after the East 
 Room was opened, in 1828, music and dancing en- 
 livened these receptions, and splendid suppers were 
 given. So long as such degree of exact form marked 
 
 63 
 
64 APPENDIX. 
 
 these receptions as to assure only the presence of 
 well-bred people of decorous manners, this style of 
 entertainment prevailed; but finally such excesses 
 took place in the greater latitude that was afterwards 
 allowed as to make it unadvisable either to have 
 dancing or to give suppers, except at invited enter- 
 tainments; but of these we remember some very 
 memorable and elegant receptions that have been 
 given, on special occasions, at the Executive Man- 
 sion. 
 
 We desire to append the following letter from 
 John Quincy Adams, written when Secretary of 
 State, and addressed as a private communication to 
 the Vice-President of the United States. It strikes 
 us that the eminent writer is somewhat illogical when 
 he speaks of the ^' whole affair'^ as " of very little 
 importance,'' while at the same moment he shows by 
 the very subject-matter of his letter the " impor- 
 tance'' then, as now, of adopting some more fixed and 
 exact code. Until this is done, it will become more 
 and more difficult to avoid misconstructions and un- 
 pleasant relations in a state of society where the 
 social intercourse cannot be separated from official 
 position and its exigencies. Even the public service 
 requires this. 
 
 Washington, Dec. 29, 1819. 
 The Vice-President of the United States : 
 
 Dear Sir, — It has been suggested to me, that some of 
 the members of the Senate, entertaining the opinion that 
 
APPENDIX. (55 
 
 a formal visit in person or by card is due from each of the 
 executive departments, at the commencement of every ses- 
 sion of Congress, to every Senator upon his arrival at the 
 seat of government, have considered the omission on my 
 part to pay such visits as the withholding from them of a 
 proper mark of respect, or even as implying a pretension 
 to exact such a formality from them. Disclaiming every 
 such pretension and every such claim on my part, I take 
 the liberty of submitting to you the following explanation 
 of the motives which have governed my conduct in relation 
 to this subject. 
 
 I have invariably considered the Government of the 
 United States as a Government for the transaction of busi- 
 ness, and that no ceremonial for the mode or order of in- 
 terchanging visits between the persons belonging to the 
 respective departments in it had ever been established. I 
 was myself five years a member of the Senate, and at four 
 of the five sessions of Congress which I attended was ac- 
 companied at this place by my wife. During that time I 
 never once received a first visit from any one of the heads 
 of departments, nor did my wife ever receive a first visit 
 from any one of their ladies, except perhaps once, when 
 she was sick, from Mrs. Madison. We always called upon 
 them soon after our arrival at Washington, not from any 
 opinion that it was an obligation of duty, but because we 
 understood and believed it to be usual, and because we did 
 not think it improper. We made an exception, after the 
 first session, with regard to Mr. Gallatin, who, never having 
 returned my first visit, was supposed not to incline to that 
 sort of intercourse with us. 
 
 When I came to reside at this place, two years since, I 
 was under the impression that the usages, with regard to 
 visiting, were as I had known and practised them ten years 
 before, — that, as a member of the administration, I had no 
 sort of claim to a first visit from any member of either 
 
66 APPENDIX. 
 
 house of Congress, but that neither had any member of 
 Congress any claim to a first visit from me, that the in- 
 terchange and order of visits was entirely optional on both 
 sides, and that no rule of etiquette whatsoever existed 
 which required that either party should pay the first visit, 
 or indeed any visit, to the other. 
 
 In the course of the winter of 1817-18, two members of 
 the Senate, for both of whom I entertained the highest 
 respect, and with one of whom I had had the pleasure of 
 sitting several years in the Senate, called at my oflice, and 
 informed me that there was a minute of a rule agreed upon, 
 not officially but privately, by the members of the Senate 
 of the first Congress, that the Senators of the United States 
 paid the first visit to no person except the President of the 
 United States. I observed to them that, as during five 
 years' service as a Senator I had never seen or heard of 
 this rule, I could hardly consider it as having been much 
 observed ; that I could, however, have no possible objection 
 to the Senators prescribing to themselves any rule of visiting 
 which they might think proper. But I asked them if they 
 understood the rule as implying an order that other persons 
 should first visit them ? They answered, if I recollect right. 
 By no means. And I suppose they viewed the whole 
 affair as I did, — that is, of very little importance. I have, 
 therefore, paid no visits of form to members of the Senate; 
 and, although always happy to receive and return the 
 visits of those who please to call upon me, and happy to 
 invite to my house every member of the Senate, whether 
 he had or had not paid me a visit, who would give me the 
 honor of his company, I yet always respected the motives 
 of those who declined paying me any visit, or even fre- 
 quenting my house at all. I exacted nothing from them 
 which they might think incompatible with their dignity. 
 I presumed they would exact nothing from me not within 
 the line of my official duty. I soon learned that, if I 
 
APPENDIX. 67 
 
 should make it a rule to pay the first visit to every Senator 
 at each session, the same compliment would be claimed, if 
 not by all, at least by a large proportion of the members 
 of the House of Representatives ; and I could find no re- 
 publican principle which would, to my own mind, justify 
 me in refusing to the members of one house that which I 
 should yield as due to the members of another. At the com- 
 mencement of each session I have visited the presiding 
 member of each house, not from a sense of obligation, but 
 of propriety. I have not felt it my duty to pay first visits 
 to any individual member of either house ; nor has it en- 
 tered my imagination that a first visit was due from any 
 member of either house to me. 
 
 If there is a body of men upon earth for whom, more 
 than for any other, I ought to cherish every feeling of at- 
 tachment, superadded to every sentiment of reverence, it 
 is the Senate of the United States. Its importance and 
 dignity, as one of the branches of the legislature, as one of 
 the component parts of the supreme executive, and as the 
 tribunal of official honor and virtue, cannot be more highly 
 estimated by any man than by me. My father had the 
 honor of being its first presiding officer. I had, for five 
 years, that of being one of its members ; and through every 
 successive administration of this Government, from the 
 establishment of the national Constitution to this time, I 
 have received frequent tokens of its confidence, which can 
 never be obliterated from my memory, and claiming all 
 my gratitude. For every individual member of the body 
 I feel all the respect due to his public character ; and there 
 is not one member towards whom I entertain a sentiment 
 other than that of regard and esteem. If, therefore, 
 the principle upon which I have omitted to pay them first 
 visits of form should ultimately fail of meeting their ap- 
 probation, it will be serious cause of regret to me ; but, at 
 
(}S APPENDIX. 
 
 all events, I hope they will impute it to any other cause 
 than intentional disrespect to them. 
 
 I take this occasion of observing that, with my approba- 
 tion and advice, my wife has acted upon the same principle 
 with regard to the ladies connected with members of the 
 Senate or House of Eepresentatives, who have visited this 
 place during the sessions of Congress, that I have pursued 
 in relation to the members themselves. She has paid 
 no visits to ladies with whom she had not the advantage of 
 being acquainted. She has received with pleasure and 
 returned the visits of all ladies who have called upon her, 
 whether connected with members of Congress or otherwise. 
 She has visited her friends on the usual footing of private 
 citizens, without pretension to claim, and without being 
 sensible of any obligation to pay any first visit. She would 
 have paid, with much pleasure, this compliment to the 
 ladies of members of Congress, had it been proper, in her 
 opinion, to confine it to them. But she was aware that 
 many other ladies equally strangers to her, and, though 
 not immediately allied to members of Congress, of charac- 
 ter and standing in society equally respectable, occasionally 
 came to spend some time in the city ; and, knowing it to 
 be impossible that she should visit them all, she declined 
 the invidious task of discriminating whom she should and 
 whom she should not first visit. If, in observing this rule, 
 she has deviated from the practice of some other ladies in 
 situations similar to her own, she has conformed to that 
 which she constantly observed when she was herself the 
 wife of a Senator at the seat of government. She then 
 always called upon the ladies of the heads of departments 
 when she came to Washington, and always understood it 
 to be the common practice. She lays no claim, however, 
 to the same attention from any other lady, and, having no 
 pretension to visits of etiquette herself, thinks herself 
 amenable to none from others. She has invited to her 
 
APPENDIX. 69 
 
 house, without waiting for formal visits, every lady of a 
 member of Congress to whom she had not reason to believe 
 such an invitation would be unwelcome ; and, while feeling 
 it as a favor from those who have accepted her invitations, 
 she has only regretted the more rigorous etiquette of those 
 who have declined, inasmuch as it bereft her of the happi- 
 ness which she would have derived from a more successful 
 cultivation of their acquaintance. She would regret still 
 more the error which should, in any instance, attribute her 
 conduct to a pretension of any kind on her part, or to a 
 disregard of what is due from her to others. 
 
 I have thought this candid explanation of the motives 
 of my conduct particularly due to those members of the 
 Senate who, it has been intimated to me, have thought 
 there was something exceptionable in it. I submit it to 
 your indulgence and to their candor, with the sincere and 
 earnest assurance of my perfect respect for yourself and 
 them. 
 
 John Quincy Adams. 
 
SOME POmTS OF ETIQUETTE. 
 
 Inasmuch as it is somewhat of a mooted point 
 with regard to the social official precedence to which 
 the Speaker may be entitled as the presiding officer 
 of the House of Representatives, especially as rela- 
 tively to the Chief Justice, who is the head of one of 
 the three great Departments of the Government, it 
 may not be uninstructive to give an opinion from a 
 source of such recognized high authority as Mr. Rob- 
 ert C. Winthrop, of Boston. We desire, therefore, 
 and it has been suggested to us that it would be well, 
 to publish some extracts from a letter we had the 
 pleasure to receive from Mr. Winthrop, in which he 
 says, "Your * Etiquette' interested me not a little, 
 and recalled some experiences of my own. On being 
 elected Speaker in 1847, I consulted John Quincy 
 Adams, then a member of the House, and the con- 
 sequence was that I felt bound to call first only on 
 the President and Vice-President. I believe I made 
 an exception in favor of Chief- Justice Taney, but 
 only as a matter of grace. There cannot be a doubt 
 that the President, Vice-President, and Speaker 
 70 
 
APPENDIX. 71 
 
 stand before all others as the representatives of the 
 Executive and Legislative branches. I remember 
 how earnestly this was enforced upon us by Colonel 
 Benton, a great stickler for ^ etiquette/ and who said 
 to me on one occasion, ^ You may be as modest as 
 you please in regard to any matter personal to your- 
 self, but you have no right to waive the priority of 
 your position and the dignity of the House of Kep- 
 resentatives.' Everybody called on me first accord- 
 ingly, except the President and Vice-President." 
 
 In addition to this very decided opinion of MV. 
 Winthrop, we are informed that the late Chief-Jus- 
 tice Chase also held that the Speaker should receive 
 the first visit, taking the ground that the Speaker, 
 being one of the possible contingent successors to the 
 Chief Magistracy, had a prior claim of social prece- 
 dence over the Chief Justice. How far the well- 
 known preference and proclivities of the late Chief 
 Justice for political rather than judicial pre-eminence 
 may have shaped his judgment on this point is to be 
 considered. 
 
 We were taught to view the office of Chief Jus- 
 tice as the second place in the republic ; indeed, our 
 dear father, the late Hon. S. F. Vinton, than whom 
 the country has never had a wiser statesman, held it 
 to be the first in true dignity, as raised far above the 
 strife and passions that must ever mark the political 
 career. Now, Mr. Vinton, having been a member of 
 the Lower House for nearly a quarter of a century, 
 
72 APPENDIX. 
 
 during which he shaped some of its most important 
 legislation, must have been fully aware of all the 
 possible claims attached to the position of Speaker. 
 We know that he held this opinion in common with 
 many other competent persons who are equally ac- 
 complished and instructed. 
 
 But, as we have already declared in this essay on 
 " Etiquette," our sole object is to collate various ex- 
 pressions on these and other mooted points, in the 
 hope that their presentation may lead to the estab- 
 lishment of more clearly defined rules. We are 
 therefore equally pleased to publish opinions of 
 weight when presented to us, whether they may 
 happen to coincide with any preconceived notion of 
 our own or not. 
 
 No one can overlook the almost supreme 'political 
 significance to be attached to the office of Speaker, 
 especially when this place is filled by an able states- 
 man, as the incumbent is apt to be, nor the actual 
 dignity of the position as apart from personal ability. 
 The Speaker is the chosen head of that legislative 
 branch which most truly and immediately represents 
 the people, — not the irresponsible masses, but the 
 organized people, which is sovereign. 
 
 In England the office of Speaker of the House of 
 Commons is, as we all know, one of signal impor- 
 tance, and in point of social rank takes place next to 
 the peers of Great Britain. A very large salary is 
 attached to the office in order to enable the Speaker 
 
APPENDIX. 73 
 
 to hold Parliamentary levees and to give dinners to 
 the members of the House. However, no comparison, 
 it seems to us, may be properly instituted between 
 the office of the Speaker of the House of Commons 
 and that of the House of Kepresentatives. The in- 
 herited successorship to the crown, we believe, gives 
 precedence in England above all other considera- 
 tions, and perhaps, in viewing the positions of the 
 Vice-President and of the Speaker, the contingent 
 Presidential successorship may be made to weigh in 
 the same sense. Yet it does not strike us as a very 
 republican view of the case, or one to which any 
 special weight ought to be attached in determining 
 the relative places of Vice-President, Speaker, and 
 Chief Justice. It would be more in accordance with 
 republican ideas to assign the real relative place ac- 
 cording to their real functions, respectively as pre- 
 siding officers of the various branches, legislative and 
 judicial. 
 
 Although the Chief Justice is appointed by the 
 President and confirmed by the Senate, yet once cre- 
 ated he becomes the grand conservative element and 
 head of the nation, before whom the President him- 
 self may be arraigned in case of impeachment. He 
 moreover holds his exalted station for life, so that he 
 may do justice without fear or favor. He embodies, 
 in fact, the ultimate human conception and govern- 
 mental shadowing forth of godlike prerogatives, 
 and should receive the highest tokens of respect. 
 
74 APPENDIX. 
 
 We cannot too jealously guard intact such conser- 
 vative force as the Constitution gives us to be used 
 as safeguards against the aggressive tendencies of a 
 democracy. 
 
 There is also another matter upon which much con- 
 fusion exists, and that is with regard to first visits to 
 be made between persons holding relatively the same 
 office, as among Senators for instance. There exists a 
 rough paper, endorsed in Mr. Jefferson's hand, con- 
 cerning the etiquette of the Government, as agreed 
 upon by General Washington, and it may serve a 
 good purpose in this connection to transcribe it entire. 
 It may assist to elucidate some other points equally 
 unsettled at present. We have already republished 
 the letter of John Quincy Adams, and when this 
 paper of Mr. Jefferson is added we shall have given 
 perhaps the only other published authority which 
 may be brought to bear. Mr. Jefferson says : 
 
 " In order to bring the members of society together 
 in the first instance, the custom of the country has 
 established that residents shall pay the first visit 
 to strangers, and, among strangers, first comers to 
 later comers, foreign and domestic, the character of 
 stranger ceasing after the first visit. To this rule 
 there is a single exception. Foreign ministers, from 
 the necessity of making themselves known, pay the 
 first visit to the ministers of the nation, which is re- 
 turned. 
 
APPENDIX. 75 
 
 " I. When brought together in society, all are per- 
 fectly equal, whether foreign or domestic, titled or 
 untitled, in or out of office. All other observances 
 are but exemplifications of these two principles, 
 
 " First. The families of foreign ministers arriving 
 at the seat of government receive the first visit from 
 those of the national ministers, as from all other 
 residents. 
 
 " Second. Members of the legislature and of the 
 judiciary, independent of their offices, have a right as 
 strangers to receive the first visit. 
 
 " II. First. No title being admitted here, those of 
 foreigners give no precedence. 
 
 " Second. Differences of grade among the diplo- 
 matic members give no precedence. 
 
 " Third. At public ceremonies, to which the Gov- 
 ernment invites the presence of foreign ministers and 
 their families, a convenient seat or station will be 
 provided for them, with any other strangers invited, 
 and the families of the national ministers, each taking 
 place as they arrive and without any precedence. 
 
 " Fourth. To maintain the principle of equality or 
 of p^le-m^le, and prevent the growth of precedence out 
 of courtesy, the members of the executive will prac- 
 tise at their own houses and recommend an adherence 
 to the ancient usage of the country, of gentlemen in 
 mass giving precedence to the ladies in mass in pass- 
 
76 APPENDIX. 
 
 ing from one apartment where they are assembled to 
 another." (Vol. ix., pp. 454-55, Jefferson's Works.) 
 
 Several points are to be noted in the perusal of this 
 paper. Foreign ministers were " to pay the first visit 
 to the ministers of the nation" simply " from the ne- 
 cessity of making themselves known" to the Govern- 
 ment near which they are accredited ; nor does this 
 visit seem to have been exacted of them in other 
 cases. Nor yet did this necessity extend to their fami- 
 lies, but the reverse. 
 
 These rules, as given by Jefferson, enforce some 
 official distinctions for the actual incumbent of office, 
 and at the same time "perfectly equal" social status 
 for all when brought together in society. 
 
 Of course, in a purely social point, one must ex- 
 pect and receive recognition as an "equal," or other- 
 wise there can be, properly speaking, no social life. 
 Yet there will arise public and other occasions of 
 mere formal ceremony, in which the official position 
 cannot be lost sight of, and at such times there should 
 be no social misunderstanding. 
 
 There are customs which make a sort of supple- 
 mentary law ; as, for instance, in the case of address- 
 ing the President in writing. Here polite usage sanc- 
 tions the address to " His Excellency," although the 
 legislative enactment resolved that the address should 
 be, "To the President of the United States," without 
 addition of title. 
 
APPENDIX. 77 
 
 Yet the very sentiment which caused so many- 
 divers committee reports before this resolution was 
 reached has, notwithstanding, led to the adoption of 
 some added title of respect among cultured people. 
 In fact, a distinguished committee of conference, 
 originally selected by both Houses to consider this 
 matter, reported " that, in the opinion of the commit- 
 tee, it will be proper thus to address the President : 
 ^ His Highness, the President of the United States 
 and Protector of their Liberties/^' Undoubtedly 
 the great personal veneration in which Washington 
 was held swayed the republican minds of these legis- 
 lators in this instance, although, fortunately for the 
 permanence of our freedom, we escaped the inflic- 
 tion of the title of " Highness," as addressed to any 
 American citizen.