9 1 
 
ONE MAN 
 
ONE MAN 
 
 A NOVEL 
 
 BY 
 
 ROBERT STEELE 
 I* 
 
 NEW YORK 
 
 MITCHELL KENNERLEY 
 MCMXV 
 
Copyright ip/S by 
 Mitchell Kennerley 
 
ONE MAN 
 
 CHAPTER I 
 
 ON that September morning when I enter r ito 
 the world, both my mother and I were very 
 near death. She has often told me of it since, 
 how the family doctor could not be found and they had 
 to send for a young doctor who had recently moved into 
 the neighborhood. Father has never forgiven him for 
 the way he handled the case and to this day curses him 
 when his name is mentioned. 
 
 When I look back over these thirty-odd years I won 
 der sometimes why God let me live that morning. I 
 have brought nothing but sorrow and trouble to them. 
 
 My earliest memory of my parents is an incident that 
 happened when I was two and one-half years old. My 
 father and mother were standing on the brow of a hill 
 back of our home watching the dirty waters of the 
 spring flood. Father was holding me in his arms and, 
 stepping to the edge of the water, he swung me out 
 over it as if to throw me in. The fright that his action 
 gave me caused this scene to remain always in my mem 
 ory. I think that my great fear of him during the 
 next fifteen years began that day. 
 
 Father was a big, powerful, dark-haired man with 
 dark brown eyes and a stern face. I cannot look back 
 and remember his ever having given me any loving pats 
 
 856447 
 
6 O N E M A N 
 
 , , > i i * . i > * 
 
 l ei* haling talked gently with me. He was a so-called 
 self-made man, having worked his way through the Uni 
 versity at Chicago and afterward moving West to teach 
 school in a small, country town. 
 
 There among his more advanced pupils he met the 
 girl who was to be my mother. She was a slender, lit 
 tle thing with light hair and blue eyes. Mother as a 
 girl was fond of music and dancing. Father became, 
 superintendent of schools in the small town where 
 Mother lived and at the age of thirty he married her. 
 She was then seventeen. They moved farther West 
 where my father taught school for the first year. He 
 then experted for one of the machine companies for a 
 season and again went back to teaching school. 
 
 During the second year of their marriage I was born. 
 They built a home of their own that year and Father 
 was made superintendent of schools. 
 
 Two years later my oldest sister, Mary, was born. 
 I cannot remember much about her until she was five 
 years old. 
 
 In my own life, one of the earliest things I can re 
 member is a Christmas tree and receiving a drum and 
 a little train of red cars. One of the little cars and 
 the drum hang up in the attic at Mother s home to 
 day. 
 
 Church and Sunday School are also early memories 
 with me. It seemed as if Sunday was the longest day 
 in the week and I grew to despise it. The folks were 
 great church goers and my little sister and myself had 
 to go with them to each service. 
 
O N E M A N 7 
 
 Father and Mother sang in the church choir and also 
 taught classes in the Sunday School. During church 
 services Mary and I sat in the front pew with an old 
 man who was deaf. I can remember so well that he 
 was there every Sunday and I grew to like him because 
 he used to put his arm around me and let me rest my 
 head on his shoulder during the long sermons. 
 
 Somehow I was always afraid of my father and I 
 can remember sitting there in the high-backed pew and 
 looking up to where he sat in the choir loft and wishing 
 I was somewhere where he could not look at me. 
 
 Mother had a beautiful voice and on those Sundays 
 in my early childhood when she sang the solos, it seemed 
 to me that she was the most beautiful woman on earth. 
 I can remember as if it was only yesterday the musty 
 little room with its little red chairs where we had to sit 
 during Sunday School while some old lady told us 
 about Jesus. We received a little card for every time 
 we attended and I did not miss getting one for many 
 years. The first money I can remember is the pennies 
 my parents gave me for Sunday School. 
 
 I never liked Mary, she was always mean and I can 
 not remember ever having been proud that she was my 
 sister. She tattled on me for every little thing that I 
 did wrong and seemed to think she was my guardian. 
 
 As a child I was an angel-faced big baby with long 
 yellow curls. When the boys got to scuffling in Sun 
 day School I would shrink out of the way in deathly fear 
 of getting hurt. I was very fond of sweets. 
 
 Father commenced teaching me the letters from a big 
 
8 O N E M A N 
 
 chart when I was five years old. He would make me 
 stand up straight in front of the thing and with a long 
 pointer in his hands would designate a certain letter 
 and holler at me to tell him what it was. Failure on 
 my part meant a rap over the head with the pointer. 
 With these methods it did not take me long to learn. 
 
 Sunday afternoons Mary and I were given a little 
 candy with the warning not to get it on our clothes. 
 
 Two things I hated particularly at this age, baths 
 and those stiffly starched, wide, white collars that I had 
 to wear on Sundays. I was not allowed to play out-of- 
 doors very much and it was considered a terrible thing 
 in our home if either Mary or myself attempted to play 
 with the neighbors children. We had a big lawn 
 around the house, cut off from the street and neigh 
 bors by a brown, picket fence. We were not allowed 
 to play in the grass for fear of our catching cold or 
 spoiling our clothes. Never until I was ten years old 
 did I have any clothes that I dared to roll around in. 
 
 When I was about five years old, my mother began 
 to scold a little and it used to hurt me terribly when she 
 would speak crossly to me. She would lose her temper 
 once in a while and slap me. I can remember so well 
 a little switch she kept in the hall that opened off the 
 dining-room. Many and many a time has my heart 
 jumped into my throat when she started for the hall 
 threatening to get the switch. 
 
 I believe to this day that my first thoughts of not 
 being loved by my parents were caused by seeing 
 either her or Father stand in front of me and 
 
ONE MAN 9 
 
 deliberately strike me with that switch. It didn t seem 
 to me even then, although I was only a child, that any 
 one could hurt anything they loved. 
 
 Only two or three times can I remember of her hav 
 ing taken me in her lap or having put her arms around 
 me. 
 
 Just before I was sent to school Mother decided 
 to have my curls cut off and I can remember so well 
 the morning Father took me down to Jones s barber 
 shop and told Mr. Jones to cut my curls off. Mr. 
 Jones put a board across the arms of the big chair and 
 lifted me up on to it. Then he took a pair of shears 
 and asked Father if he should take off my ears too.. 
 This scared me so that I cried and they had a lot of 
 trouble getting me to let him cut off the curls. Father 
 took home three of the curls and a few years ago while 
 at home I happened to see Mother pinning up a little 
 package. She was crying and when I asked her what 
 was the matter she silently opened the package and 
 showed me the one curl that was left. 
 
 At seven I was sent to the public school and Father 
 and Mother both accompanied me on that memorable 
 day. Father had given up his teaching and was work 
 ing in a bank and at the same time studying law. 
 
 That first day at school was a terrible one for me. 
 I began to cry shortly after my parents left and the 
 teacher took me up in her lap and talked to me about 
 being a brave little man. 
 
 The lonely feeling wore off in a few days and I be 
 gan to take an interest in the things going on around 
 
10 O N E M A N 
 
 me. It seems that my home training had been very 
 thorough and I made rapid progress that first year. 
 I formed likes and dislikes regarding my studies which 
 stuck to me until the day I left school. There was al 
 ways a desire to have absolutely correct everything I 
 did. I hated arithmetic, but liked reading, music, writ 
 ing and drawing. 
 
 Along about my third year in school I began to have 
 spells of dreaming while supposed to be studying and 
 many times the teacher would tell me not to stare out 
 of the window but to go on with my studying. 
 
 I liked the Fall of the year best of all the seasons 
 and this liking is as strong to-day as then. The days 
 when the sun shone dimly through a haze were my great 
 delight and when a day like this dawned, my spirits 
 were at their best and my studies seemed easier. The 
 Indian Summer days were to me the best of all the 
 year. 
 
 Once in a while I would get spells of not wanting to 
 go to school. There was nothing wrong with my ap 
 petite but it just seemed as if I could not study. At 
 first Mother petted me a little and let me stay home 
 on one or two occasions, but after Father spoke to her 
 about it, she made me go to school whether I felt like 
 it or not. 
 
 I can remember my sister, Mary, as she was at this 
 time. She was dark like my father and was always 
 healthy. She would run to Mother every time I did 
 anything which she thought was naughty and I grew 
 to dislike her very much. Mother made me walk to 
 
ONE MAN 11 
 
 school with her and I certainly hated to do it. The 
 boys called me " sissy " and " baby tender " and made 
 life miserable for me on account of her. She was des 
 tined to make me a world of trouble in later years. 
 
 While it is not uncommon in a great many families 
 for one child to believe that the other is better beloved, 
 yet it was true in our family. Mary was the pride of 
 the family and as early as I can remember she was 
 brought out in front of assembled guests and made to 
 sing " Poor Bumpy is dead and laid in his grave." I 
 used to wonder if some of the men present liked it as 
 well as they seemed to. Mary had a way of tilting her 
 head and flirting her little pink skirts around her as 
 if to say, " See me. Ain t I great? " Since those days 
 I have heard her sing before audiences of thousands 
 and end her songs with something of that same little 
 peacock strut, but people were usually more intent on 
 applauding the voice than in noticing any little man 
 nerism. But of all the things she ever wore or did or 
 said, I hated worst of all that dinky little string of im 
 itation beads she always wore around her neck. I used 
 to want to tear them off and stamp on them. The 
 folks petted her a great deal, saying she was born with 
 a wonderful voice. They spent considerable money 
 on her in later years and she became a very successful 
 singer. 
 
 Both of my parents were very musical. Mother 
 often said that she never should have married but in 
 stead should have been a great artist. Father would 
 look at her when she said this in such a strange way 
 
12 ONE MAN 
 
 that I used to wonder if he liked to hear her say it. 
 
 Mother could sing beautifully, yet she stayed at 
 home and brought us children up. To me her singing 
 always has been and alwa3 T s will be the sweetest on 
 earth. They used to send me to bed early and I would 
 lie awake up in my little room and listen to her and 
 Father singing " The Little German Home Across the 
 Sea." Even when I was only a child that song would 
 go straight to my heart. The blending of their voices 
 was something way above and beyond all earthly things 
 to me and in the days when I came to believe that I 
 was despised and hated by them, this old song coming 
 up through the long dark hall at night would many 
 times cause me to say to myself, " I guess they do love 
 me some to-night or else they couldn t sing like that. * 
 
 Up to my tenth year I was a fairly well-behaved 
 child, though very self-conscious and bashful. Father 
 did not make very much money up until this time. He 
 would give me a penny for spending money once in a 
 while although I had no chance to spend it until Mother 
 would take me down town with her, but I always had to 
 ask for it and I hated to do it. I was always afraid of 
 Dad and never dared to call him anything but " Papa." 
 When I wanted to ask him anything I would sort of 
 slink up to him and ask him in a very timid voice. He 
 never reached out and pulled me into his lap and ex 
 plained things. I can remember his taking me for walks 
 into the woods on an occasional Sunday, and on one of 
 these trips he made me a willow whistle that I kept for 
 years afterwards, long after it ceased to work. 
 
ONE MAN 13 
 
 I can look back to those days and I wonder some 
 times what I would have turned out to be had my dad 
 made me a pal of his and had my mother been gentle 
 and sweet tempered with me. God, but it makes my 
 heart ache to think of it even now. After all these 
 years of sorrow and deviltry I have learned to be 
 strong in my own right and I can hew my own way 
 with God s help, but oh, how different it would all have 
 been ! They did the best they knew how but how lit 
 tle they knew. And the thousands and the hundreds 
 of thousands of parents to-day who bring the little 
 ones forth and who know so little and who think so lit 
 tle of the child s first years ! This story is of only 
 one, just one of these little ones, and it only shows how 
 one man child can bring either sorrow or joy to many 
 men and women in his later years and so much of this 
 a direct result of his early bringing-up. 
 
 Thank God for one thing, that through the crucial 
 years of my life, between twenty and thirty, I was 
 strong enough to imagine at least that I, and I alone, 
 was responsible for my life, its success or its failure, 
 but these last few years have shown me that after all 
 some one else was responsible to a certain degree. 
 
CHAPTER II 
 
 IN the Spring of my tenth year, while a few of the 
 neighbors boys were building a dam in a little 
 stream that flowed under a bridge near our 
 house, they found a few old coins in the mud. The 
 news spread through the neighborhood and excited me 
 so that I sneaked out of the house the following day, 
 which was Saturday, and went down to " dig up the 
 treasure." 
 
 The other boys had already thoroughly dug up the 
 place where the first coins were found, so Bill, the boy 
 from across the street, and I started our digging fur 
 ther up stream. We finally found about two dozen 
 coins. We divided them up according to number and 
 while we were engaged in this a man came along and 
 saw us. He was particularly interested in a big yel 
 low coin I had among my dozen and offered me a dollar 
 for it. I gave him the yellow one and, putting the dol 
 lar in my pocket, ran home with the rest of my share 
 of the coins. Something prompted me not to say any 
 thing there about the dollar which I had received, so 
 I hung on to it and hid it in the woodshed, waiting for 
 a chance to get it changed. The rest of the coins I 
 gave to Father and he sold the lot for fifteen dollars, 
 
 putting the money in my bank. 
 
 14 
 
ONE MAN 15 
 
 No one could ever explain how the coins came to be 
 buried in the stream. An old kettle containing a few 
 more pieces was found near the same spot a few days 
 later. 
 
 This, I think, is the first bad thing I can remember 
 having done. The feeling of unholy joy and fear in 
 having in my possession secretly that first big dollar 
 was to be repeated later on in life, time after time, 
 when hundreds of dollars came to me unlawfully. 
 
 One morning I got the grocery driver to change the 
 dollar. Then Bill, whose folks let him "run wild," 
 would buy candy for me and sneak it through the back 
 fence to me, when Mother wasn t looking. He usually 
 took his share before giving me the bag. I had no 
 chance to buy anything on the way to and from school, 
 as Mary was always tagging along. 
 
 While I yet had part of this dollar, Father took me 
 down town with him one Saturday morning and let me 
 come home alone. On the way home I bought candy 
 and gum. After this trip I was frequently sent to town 
 alone on errands and had a chance to spend money. 
 
 Soon my dollar was gone and wanting money to 
 spend secretly I began to fish coins out of my bank 
 and spend them. Mother caught me fooling with the 
 bank one day and locked it up. I can remember even 
 now how she looked at me, so hurt and surprised, and 
 how she took me in her lap and cried for a long time. 
 That night when I kneeled at her knee to say my pray 
 ers, she told me to ask God to help me always to be 
 honest. Usually all the prayer I said was the simple 
 
16 O N E M A N 
 
 little " Now I lay me down to sleep." This incident 
 affected me considerably and I went without candy for 
 several days. 
 
 Finally during that year the craving for buying 
 things became so strong that I looked around the house 
 for money. On a little tray on Mother s dressing table 
 was a little gold dollar with a hole punched in it. She 
 had formerly worn this coin on a little gold chain 
 around her neck, but for some reason had laid it to one 
 side. I was several days getting up nerve enough to 
 take it and I have never forgotten the feeling of fear 
 and also exultation that came over me when I finally 
 grabbed it. It was my first real theft, the first of a 
 chain of thousands of similar actions, extending through 
 nearly my whole life, each one to exact its toll of regret 
 and sorrow in later years. 
 
 It was on a Saturday morning that I stole this keep 
 sake of Mother s and I took it down town and sold it 
 for seventy-five cents to a man who kept a candy store. 
 I spent a few cents of the money and took the rest 
 home and hid it in the usual hiding place in the wood 
 shed, where I had kept the change from the dollar I 
 had obtained for the yellow buried coin. 
 
 It being vacation time, I went down town on Monday 
 afternoon and bought a dozen bananas. I could not 
 eat them all so I took what was left home, telling Mother 
 that a man had given them to me. She became sus 
 picious and asked me where I got the money to buy 
 them. She kept at me and finally I confessed. She 
 pried terribly about it and after having dressed me up 
 
ONE MAN 17 
 
 in my Sunday clothes, took me down to Father s of 
 fice. 
 
 I can remember now how he looked as he sat at the 
 big, flat-topped desk, which was littered with legal 
 papers, his big notarial seal standing on a big law 
 book. I hid behind Mother s skirts while she told him 
 the whole story. He got up out of his chair and com 
 ing over to me, pulled me up to his desk. He stood 
 there with his hand grasping my shoulder, looking at 
 me for what seemed to be hours. Then he started to 
 talk to me and question me and I could see he was grow 
 ing angrier every minute. 
 
 There is only one thing he said that I can remember, 
 but that sentence rang in my ears for years afterwards. 
 He had grasped me by both shoulders and shaken me 
 considerably when he said, " You dog ! You would 
 steal the pennies from off your dead mother s eyes." 
 Then he threw me away from him into the corner. I 
 lay there on the floor screaming until Mother picked 
 me up and quieted me. 
 
 At last Father put on his hat and took me down to 
 the candy store, where he gave the man a dollar and 
 got back the keepsake. After supper that nightjfwas 
 soundly whipped and sent to bed. 
 
 I lay there a long time brooding over what had hap- A 
 pened that day. It was not the whipping that hurt, 1 
 it was what Father had said. I could see my mother, 
 laid out in her coffin with the pennies on her eyeslto] 
 keep them shut, but in no way could I imagine how; any! 
 one, no matter how bad, could steal those pennies^ \It 
 
18 O N E M A N 
 
 seemed to me that he had put me witlTail the other 
 wholly bad things to stay there forever; that he would 
 not forgive me. He treated me in such a way that it 
 did not seem possible that he could ever forgive me or 
 even give me the measure of notice slight though it 
 was which he had accorded me up to that time. 
 
 In this hour began my journey downward into the 
 depths of hell. I felt that all hope was lost and that 
 no one cared for me. 
 
 I had never looked up to Father as a model, for I 
 was afraid of him. I had no pattern to go by, no one 
 to imitate or follow, for somehow I did not want to be 
 busy and cross like he was. 
 
 I could not see how my own father could say such a 
 thing to me. It made me believe that he did not love 
 me and from that day and until I was past twenty- 
 five, I never looked for any love from him. That re 
 mark of his killed something in me; something which 
 never came back to me in all these years. Of course, 
 he was shocked and angry to think that his own flesh 
 and blood would do such a thing as steal. Yet if he 
 had taken me that day and talked to me and appealed 
 to my childish sense of manliness which existed even 
 then to a small degree, the results would have been so 
 different. If he had made a pal of me in those next 
 few years and had put me on my own honor to do right 
 and to be manly, my life would have been different. 
 
 But never in my later years did I ever take refuge 
 in any such thoughts as an excuse for my devilishness. 
 
 From the day Mother discovered this, my first real 
 
ONE MAN 19 
 
 theft, until the penitentiary doors opened to receive 
 me, I felt that my parents did not love me and did not 
 have any faith in me. 
 
CHAPTER III 
 
 IN the beginning of my thirteenth year, a friend of 
 the family gave me a little camera. Learning to 
 operate it and finish my own work gave me a 
 great deal of pleasure. It took up my spare time 
 after school and my early evenings. In the Fall Fa 
 ther gave me permission to carry papers and earn a 
 little spending money, but when the snow got deep he 
 made me quit. 
 
 The lesson learned from stealing the gold dollar had 
 sort of worn away by this time and I took to stealing 
 small sums from Mother s pocketbook. I would sneak 
 up into her bedroom and look for the pocketbook. 
 Never will I forget how my heart would beat and my 
 hands tremble when I grabbed it and opened it quietly 
 so that the coins would not rattle. To see a dozen 
 coins in there would make me feel safe in taking one. 
 In my childish ignorance I did not think any one would 
 remember just how much they had when there were so 
 many coins. Mother never caught me at this trick, 
 but she became very suspicious and hid her pocketbook 
 so I quit it. 
 
 Next door to us lived a married couple who were 
 quite wealthy and their only son had a big glass bank 
 
 nearly full of coins. He used to invite me over to his 
 
 20 
 
O N E M A N 21 
 
 house Saturdays and nights after school. One day I 
 asked him if he had ever counted his money and he said 
 " No." So he asked his mother if we could count it 
 and she gave him the key to the bank and told us we 
 could. It had over sixty dollars in it and when we had 
 finished counting it, I had over a dollar in my pocket. 
 This was a new way for me to get money. So I helped 
 him count it frequently during the Winter, always get 
 ting something out of it. 
 
 One day while I was alone in their sitting-room, I 
 noticed a pocketbook on a shelf. I opened it and 
 found three five-dollar bills. I took one of them and 
 put the purse back on the shelf. This was in the morn 
 ing and right after lunch Mrs. T came over and 
 
 told Mother she had lost five dollars and Mother asked 
 me if I knew anything about it. I denied it and she 
 went home. 
 
 She was one of Mother s best friends and after she 
 had gone Mother sat there looking at me. Suddenly 
 she reached out and grabbed me, holding me with one 
 hand she went through my pockets with the other and 
 found the five-dollar bill. I had kept it in my pocket 
 instead of hiding it. She began to cry and after lock 
 ing me in a room went over to Mrs. T s and told 
 
 her I had taken the money. Then she came home and 
 
 made me take the five-dollar bill back to Mrs. T s 
 
 and tell her I was sorry. That night Father whipped 
 me so hard that I had to stay in bed for two days. 
 
 About this time I began to read dime novels. I kept 
 them hid in the woodshed and carried them back and 
 
22 ONE MAN 
 
 forth inside of my shirt. We boys used to go over to 
 Bill s barn and sneak up into the hay mow where we 
 could read in safety. We traded novels with each other 
 and kept a good supply on hand. 
 
 During this year I had to return to the schoolhouse 
 one night after school with a note from Mother to the 
 music teacher who was a member of Mother s musical 
 club. While going through the empty hall, I noticed 
 several of the teachers cloaks hanging in one of the 
 ward rooms. It seems that the teachers were attend 
 ing some meeting in the assembly room upstairs. I 
 took a look around and then went through the pockets 
 of the cloaks. I got eleven dollars out of the pocket- 
 books, in each case taking only a part of the contents. 
 Then I skipped out without delivering the note, telling 
 
 Mother that Miss A was not at the schoolhouse. 
 
 Somehow I was sly enough to figure that if I had not 
 been seen around there, they could not suspect me. 
 
 I was getting careless about what I did these days. 
 It seemed that I naturally turned to thieving as I sin 
 cerely believed I was of no account to my folks and that 
 they were disgusted with me and actually hated me. 
 Was I predestined to be a thief? No. I don t believe 
 it. I naturally turned to something abnormal, be 
 lieving as I did that I was to be denied the usual and 
 normal things in life. 
 
 At this time Mother began to prophesy terrible 
 things for me and among them, the Reform School. 
 But the worst of all came one bright, spring morning. 
 She was ironing out in the kitchen and I can see her 
 
O N E M A N 2S 
 
 now as she stood there at the ironing-board, the sun 
 streaming in through the open window at her side. 
 She had been scolding me about what I had been doing 
 and suddenly she looked up and said, " Robert, you 
 will end up on the gallows yet I know you will." 
 I was only a boy and it seemed when I heard those 
 words as if I had lost my mother. I couldn t see how 
 she could say anything like that to me. Those words 
 of hers have followed me down through all these years 
 and many a night I have wakened covered with a cold 
 sweat, in the midst of a dream where the hangman had 
 placed around my neck the heavy rope with the big 
 knot under my ear and the black cap over my head. 
 Once or twice during these years I have come near to 
 this same end. 
 
 I was a sensitive lad in many ways. Sad music in 
 church made me want to cry and going to a funeral 
 was more than I could stand. Yet with that constant 
 hunger for home love and care unsatisfied I got deeper 
 into deviltry every day. My school work was not hard 
 for me and I stood well in my classes. 
 
 In the Spring of this year, together with some of the 
 neighbors kids I formed a " gang." One of our first 
 jobs was a neighbor s barn. The people had left town 
 for the Summer and we found their barn full of the 
 sort of plunder that delights young thieves. There 
 were guns and ammunition galore and stationery of 
 all kinds. The man who owned the place had been the 
 head of some bankrupt insurance company and the sur 
 plus supplies of the company had been stored in his 
 
24 ONE MAN 
 
 barn. He was also an official in some gun club and a 
 great sportsman. We sold about a hundred boxes of 
 shotgun shells and hid the shotguns and rifles in Bill s 
 barn for use later. The gang had many a laugh over 
 the inability of the local police force to find out who 
 had stolen the stuff. 
 
 It was in the Fall of that year that I first learned of 
 there being any such thing as jealousy. Father had 
 been down town in the evening and Mary and I had 
 been sent to bed, when Mr. G , one of the neigh 
 bors, came over to see Father. Mother told him that 
 Father was down town and asked him to come in and 
 wait. He stayed about a half hour and then left. 
 Mary and I could hear them talking downstairs. When 
 
 Father came home Mother told him about Mr. G 
 
 having been there. Father got angry and commenced 
 to swear. He made so much noise that I jumped out 
 of bed and knelt down at the stovepipe hole that was 
 in the floor. He was swearing at her and telling her 
 she was a flirt and threatening to throw her out. She 
 was crying and denying everything he accused her of 
 being. When they quit talking Mother came upstairs 
 to bed and Father slept all night on the lounge down 
 in the library. When we got up in the morning, he had 
 already gone down town without any breakfast. Some 
 how after this I never respected him quite so much. I 
 knew my mother was good. 
 
CHAPTER IV 
 
 FOR some time past I had been brooding over 
 being spied on at home and over being con 
 demned as an utterly worthless boy. In Jan 
 uary of that next year I made up my mind to run away. 
 I thought that my grandmother, who lived three hun 
 dred miles away and who had visited us once or twice, 
 would be good to me, so I planned on the trip for sev 
 eral days. One evening, after quietly breaking open 
 my bank and taking the contents, about thirty dollars, 
 I told the folks I was going to Bill s house for a min 
 ute, and instead hiked for the depot. I bought a 
 
 ticket to K and got on the train. Being lonesome 
 
 and scared at the last moment, I told the conductor 
 who I was and he, knowing my father, kept an eye on 
 me during the night. 
 
 In the morning I reached B , where I had to 
 
 change cars. It was Sunday morning, and I found 
 
 there was no train to K until Monday. I stayed 
 
 around the big depot all day Sunday and there met a 
 young fellow who also had run away from home. We 
 ate our meals at the lunch counter in the depot and I 
 paid for everything. 
 
 Along about ten o clock Sunday night a big police 
 man asked me where I was going. I became scared and 
 
 25 
 
26 O N E M A N 
 
 told him I was waiting for my father. At eleven 
 thirty I was pretty sleepy and had curled up on a 
 bench to sleep, when this same policeman came up again 
 and said, " Robert, where are you going to sleep to 
 night ? " I asked him how he knew my name and he 
 laughed. Then he said for me to come with him and 
 he would give me a nice place to sleep and that my fa 
 ther would come and get me the next day. I cried all 
 the way to the police station. 
 
 The big policeman took me up into the operators 
 room where the patrolmen s and fire calls came in on 
 a big switchboard. I was in deathly fear of being 
 locked up and I can remember begging the man at the 
 desk downstairs not to put me into jail. They told 
 me to stay in the room with the operator and that I 
 could sleep on a couch there. 
 
 After the policeman had gone, I asked the operator* 
 who was a young man, if I could look out of the win 
 dow, and he said, " Sure, kid." I can remember so 
 well how I looked out across the big river to the rows 
 and rows of lights burning over there. There was a 
 big moon that night and its light flooded the snowy 
 banks of the river and the hills over beyond. From the 
 part of the city across the river came the clang of street 
 car gongs and the whistle and roar of many trains. 
 Then and there I made up my mind that some day I 
 would lose myself in a big city and get a new start. 
 I was only fourteen years old and already wanting to 
 lose my identity. That night I slept on the couch for 
 a few hours and in the morning Father came and took 
 
ONE MAN 27 
 
 me back home. He talked to me for hours on the train 
 that day, but it was all along the lines of my being no 
 good and that if I did not mend my ways I d sure land 
 in jail, and he ended up by saying that when I did, I 
 could rot there before he would lift a hand to get me 
 out. 
 
 My trip made me quite a hero among the boys and 
 I began immediately to plan another one. I had had 
 my first taste of the city. But while I enjoyed in a 
 way the notoriety my escapade brought me, still I 
 didn t want any one to know that I had been in the po 
 lice station. 
 
 The boys in the neighborhood commenced collect 
 ing stamps about this time and I was soon busy at the 
 same thing in my spare moments. We would send 
 away for stamps 0*1 approval and sell them to each 
 other, making a small commission. I made consider 
 able money this way. Then Bill found among his fa 
 ther s old papers a lot of unused Department stamps. 
 I managed to get most of these and sell them at a good 
 price. Then I sent away for a lot of stamps on ap 
 proval under an assumed name and had them sent 
 care of General Delivery. They came all right and I 
 sold part of them, sending the money and balance of 
 stamps back to the company. Then under the same 
 name I sent for a large quantity and on the strength 
 of my former return, the company sent them. I kept 
 the whole lot and never heard anything more from the 
 senders. I stayed away from the postoffice altogether 
 and did not seek for any mail under the assumed name. 
 
28 ONE MAN 
 
 The money from this source was used to buy a small 
 revolver, ammunition, dime novels, belts and other plun 
 der for a robber s outfit. 
 
 Many of the boys in our end of town hung out 
 around the candy store owned by a man named Tommy. 
 He would buy any small article of jewelry which the 
 boys might bring to him and he would not ask where 
 it was obtained. He had slot machines of all kinds 
 and we boys spent a lot of money with him. On one 
 of these machines we could play with pennies and on 
 another one we could use nickels. My first gambling 
 on these machines brought me a queer sensation. It 
 made my heart beat fast to watch the wheel spin around 
 and slowly draw near a winning number. Here was 
 where I first learned to believe in luck. I stole many a 
 dollar just to feed into those machines. Tommy had 
 bent the pins behind the winning numbers and we used 
 to tilt the machine to beat him when we found he was 
 trying to cheat us. 
 
 Two or three of the boys used to go with me on ex 
 cursions to the woods on Saturday. We always car 
 ried our revolvers and lots of shells and it is a wonder 
 that some of us were not killed. I loved to shoot, to 
 feel that I had and controlled, in my own hands, the 
 power of destruction. 
 
 At this time Mother had a servant by the name of 
 Benga and she had been saving her money for years, 
 most of it being in five-dollar gold-pieces which she kept 
 in an old stocking in her trunk. She used to leave the 
 key in her trunk. One day I saw her putting some 
 
O N E M A N 29 
 
 money into the stocking and I made up my mind to get 
 something out of it. I waited for a chance and took 
 five dollars. This was not noticed, so I kept " touch 
 ing it up " until I had taken fifty-five dollars and I did 
 not dare to take any more. Most of this I " planted," 
 waiting for a chance to run away again. 
 
 In the Spring of this year I took what money I had 
 
 planted and ran away to B , to which city my 
 
 grandmother had moved. This time I didn t tell any 
 one where I was going and I managed to reach her 
 house safely. She immediately notified Father and in 
 a few days he came after me. In the meantime, Grand 
 mother bought me a lot of new clothes and took me 
 around the big city, showing me the points of interest. 
 It was on this trip that I had my first street car ride. 
 When Father arrived, he gave me a beating the minute 
 he got hold of me and I carried the marks for many 
 days. 
 
 When Father got home with me from this trip, he 
 paid Benga the fifty-five dollars I had stolen and made 
 a rule that I was to stay in the house every evening. 
 Many and many are the nights that I have gone up to 
 my room and kneeled down by the window looking out 
 at the moonlit lawn and shrubbery and hearing the 
 other boys playing and calling to each other. On 
 nights like these when I could feel the cool evening 
 breeze laden with the scent of the flowerbeds and lawn 
 blowing through the screens on to my hot little head, I 
 would cry and cry and swear to myself that I would 
 run away for good and never come back. I was en- 
 
30 O N E M A N 
 
 tirely sincere in my belief that I was useless to my folks 
 and really not wanted. And yet, while these thoughts 
 made me sad, there was somewhere within me an un 
 named pleasure of some kind that made me glad that I 
 was an outcast. I was also glad in a way that I was 
 foxy enough to get away with some of my deviltry. I 
 took a certain pride in the many little deals I pulled off 
 without getting caught. 
 
 During the fall of the year, when school opened, I 
 found a new source of income ; stealing school books 
 and selling them to the second-hand bookstores and to 
 Tommy. I would erase names or tear out flyleaves and 
 sell the books for what I could get. I was never caught 
 at this trick. 
 
 Father never refused me spending money when I 
 asked for it but I always had to ask. During all these 
 days Mary looked upon me with a sort of horror and 
 would not have anything to do with me except to watch 
 me and tattle to Father and Mother. 
 
 One queer thing about me through all my hell-raising 
 was that I never let a night go by without getting down 
 on my knees beside my bed and saying the prayers that 
 my mother had taught me. And while the form of these 
 prayers has changed, yet I have seldom missed a night 
 during all my life when alone, that I did not kneel down 
 and ask God to forgive my sins and help me to be bet 
 ter. During the first years of my stealing and devil 
 try, I had a conscience, but by the time I was fifteen 
 years old, it was dead, as far as stealing was concerned, 
 
O N E M A N 31 
 
 and it died as far as about everything else was con 
 cerned as I grew older. 
 
 In all these days the thought never came to me that 
 I couldn t help doing as I did. I simply did these 
 things because I felt bitter towards the world. I had 
 heard somewhere about society owing some one a living 
 and I figured that it applied to me. I had been doing 
 a great deal of reading; in fact, much more than the 
 average boy of my age. This reading was a queer mix 
 ture and ran the gamut from the Decameron to the 
 Golden Bottle, but my favorite reading was stories 
 of hidden treasure. 
 
 The Fourth of July was always a great time for me. 
 I loved to handle explosives and to watch the effect of 
 some of my home-made bombs. Christmas was another 
 red-letter day for me, not for the presents I received, 
 but for the presents I could give. 
 
 Winter of that year saw me busily engaged in ex 
 perimenting with electricity and putting up electric 
 door-bells. This work, together with my photography, 
 brought me in a little money. Together with Bill I 
 used to go down town on Saturdays and steal small ar 
 ticles from the stores. Once in a while we would get 
 a little cash, but usually it was pens, perfume, drug 
 sundries and such stuff as usually is displayed on the 
 counters. I worked a few Saturdays and nights after 
 school in a drug store and stole all kinds of small things. 
 Tommy bought much of this stuff, giving me about half 
 what it was worth. 
 
CHAPTER V 
 
 WHEN Spring came, I began to feel a 
 longing to run away again, but Father 
 forestalled the action by promising 
 that I should spend the Summer at a lake near by. 
 Some friends who owned a cottage there had invited 
 Mary and me to spend the Summer with their children. 
 
 I had the time of my life that Summer and did not 
 steal anything for the simple reason there was nothing 
 to steal. Father sent me considerable spending money, 
 but I did not have much of a chance to buy anything. 
 Being out in the open air so much did me a world of 
 good. I was getting to be a good-sized lad by this 
 time but still retained that blue-eyed look of innocence. 
 
 Upon my return home in the Fall I started in to 
 school as usual. I commenced stealing school books 
 again and came near getting caught ; so near, in fact, 
 that I dropped this source of income. 
 
 The gang got together again and we had a lot of what 
 seemed to be fun for us, in stealing the refreshments 
 from parties and sociables. We would steal ice cream, 
 cake, candy, oysters and such things right out of 
 church basements and gorge ourselves until we were 
 sick. We were fortunate in not getting caught, al 
 though we had several narrow escapes. 
 
O N E M A N 33 
 
 During this Winter I formed -a habit that has been a 
 curse to me for over fifteen years. Some of the gang 
 smoked and finally they persuaded me to smoke a cig 
 arette and taught me how to inhale it. I was as 
 anxious to learn as they were to teach me and I shall 
 never forget how sick I was the first evening I tried it. 
 Father had gone down town after supper and I sneaked 
 out of the house to meet the gang. I smoked one 
 cigarette and then began to get dizzy. When I stood 
 up to go home the sidewalk rose up towards me and I 
 sat down hard. Then I wanted to get home as quick 
 as I could and although I tried to run it seemed as if 
 I never would get there. I tried to sneak up to bed, 
 but Mother caught me in the hall and seeing I was sick, 
 she got the story out of me and then beat me with a 
 cane. But my getting sick did not stop my smoking 
 and I was soon smoking five or six cigarettes a day. 
 
 Of all the bad influences that have in any way affected 
 my life, I know beyond all doubt that the inhaling of 
 cigarette smoke from the time I smoked only five or six 
 a day until I was smoking forty has been the most ter 
 rible. It saps the mental strength and weakens a 
 boy s or a man s morals, it creates in the average man a 
 taste for liquor and the craving for liquor tends to de 
 velop sensuality and the combination of cigarettes and 
 liquor, while it may stimulate at first, will in time de 
 crease a man s earning power and take away the joy 
 of living just as surely as the night follows the day. 
 
 Up to this time I had not had much to do with girls. 
 I was always bashful and kept out of their way. Tha 
 
34 O N E M A N 
 
 boys in the gang were getting old enough to learn 
 things about the world and when the gang would as 
 semble at the camp down in the weeds and light up their 
 cigarettes, the talk would run to girls. The collecting 
 of cigarette pictures became very popular and it was 
 not long until a picture showing a woman dressed in 
 tights was called a " peach " and in trading was worth 
 any two of the common kind such as flags, or women s 
 heads. 
 
 There were a few tough girls among our schoolmates 
 and some of the older boys in our gang ran around with 
 them. The stories these boys told us filled our heads 
 with a lot of curiosity and new thoughts. 
 
 I spent considerable time around Tommy s new pool 
 room that year and if there is anything on earth that 
 can be likened unto the Vestibule of Hell, it s the pool 
 room where young boys are allowed to congregate. I 
 believe this applies to men as well. 
 
 I have never yet had the pleasure of knowing a con 
 stant frequenter of pool halls who amounted to a damn 
 in a business way. 
 
 Along in the Spring the Wanderlust overtook me 
 again and one evening in May, with nine dollars in my 
 pocket, and in company with Pete, one of the " gang," 
 I dug out for the East. 
 
 We climbed into an empty car of an east-bound 
 through freight and left the town, as we supposed, for 
 good. Along about four o clock we woke up chilled 
 to the bone. If there were ever two homesick lads who 
 
O N E M A N 35 
 
 wished they were home in their own warm beds, we were 
 the two. 
 
 We shivered and shook until the train reached a 
 small junction where we crawled out. A few tramps 
 got off the train at the same time and built a fire down 
 under the railway bridge. We went over to the fire 
 to get warm and the tramps began to ask us questions. 
 We told them some yarn about being bell hops out of a 
 job and they let us sit down with them. 
 
 Along about seven o clock two of the hobos started 
 over to the one little store at the junction saying they 
 would get some " punk " and other grub. I offered to 
 pay for part and right then and there the hobos fell on 
 me in a bunch. They took every cent Pete and I had 
 and almost tore our clothes off. Then they told us to 
 shut up or they would kill us. 
 
 They got an old can, filled it full of water and put 
 it over the fire to boil. The hobos who had gone to 
 the store came back with some bread, meat and onions. 
 They put the meat and onions in the can of water and 
 made up a mess which they called " Mulligan." They 
 gave Pete and me a chunk of meat and some bread and 
 told us they would give us back our money later. A 
 little later another east-bound freight came along and 
 the bunch made a run for it and caught it. Pete and I 
 held back and the hobos and our money were soon out 
 of sight. 
 
 We were pretty well discouraged by this time and I 
 went over to a little house near the depot and asked 
 
36 O N E M A N 
 
 the old hag who came to the door for something to eat. 
 She said she would give me something if I would cut 
 some wood. I sawed and split three big sticks and 
 when I was through she gave me three slices of bread 
 spread with bacon grease. I was so tired and disap 
 pointed that I cried, but Pete and I ate that mess. 
 During the afternoon another long freight pulled in and 
 off dropped another gang of tramps. 
 
 About seven o clock in the evening I went over to 
 the dinky little hotel and told the girl at the kitchen 
 door that I was a bell hop " on the bum " and that I d 
 had nothing to eat all day. For a wonder she took pity 
 on me and asked me to come in. Making up a half- 
 dozen cold meat sandwiches and putting them into a 
 paper bag together with some cake and a piece of pie, 
 she led me to the door again with a caution to keep 
 away from the tramps over at the depot as they would 
 take my " hand-out " away from me. 
 
 Sure enough, the moment that I came out of the back 
 door of the hotel, over they came with a rush. I 
 jammed the pie, cake and one sandwich inside my shirt, 
 and with a sandwich in one hand and the bag in the 
 other ran as fast as I could toward the open country. 
 But it was of no use; they were gaining on me so rap 
 idly that I dropped the bag and kept on running. 
 
 The hobos stopped when they reached the bag and 
 fought over it while I put a good distance between us. 
 Pete watched the performance and took a run down 
 the railway tracks, so I cut across country to meet 
 him. I gave him his share of the grub I had hidden 
 
O N E M A N 37 
 
 inside my shirt. We built a little fire beside the track 
 and when a west-bound freight came along, we climbed 
 into a car loaded with wood and about five in the morn 
 ing reached our home town. 
 
 I sneaked up home by the back way and lay in the 
 old weeds back of the house. When I saw Father go 
 down town, I climbed over the back* fence and went 
 into the house. Mother looked at me and said, " You 
 poor boy," and fussed over me a great deal. She was 
 baking fresh biscuits and I ate about a dozen. Then 
 I went into the sitting-room and laid down on a couch 
 after asking her to wait until evening before telling Fa 
 ther I was back. The next thing I knew I was being 
 picked up and thrown half-way across the room and 
 there stood Father ready to grab me when I got to my 
 feet. After waiting till I was sound asleep Mother 
 had called him up and he had come home in a hurry. 
 AVhen he got through beating me I was a sight to be 
 hold. Mother washed the blood from my face and put 
 me to bed. That licking took the " run away " idea 
 out of my head for a few weeks. 
 
 After school closed that Summer, the folks sent me 
 down to the lake on a camping trip with a bunch of 
 boys from the Sunday School. I was not very much at 
 home with that crowd, but I stuck it out because it 
 gave me a chance to be on the water. 
 
 After I returned home, a friend of Father s who had 
 charge of a general store out in a small nearby town 
 suggested that it would be a good idea for me to go 
 out on a farm near there and pull mustard for a farmer. 
 
38 O N E M A N 
 
 I was to get seventy-five cents a day and my board, so 
 Father shipped me out to this friend. 
 
 I got into the little town in the evening and had to 
 stay all night with Father s friend. The next morn 
 ing I had to wait around the store until the farmer 
 showed up. So I put in my time in " annexing " a 
 few articles for my own use. I got five dollars in cash, 
 a perfectly new Smith & Wesson revolver and two boxes 
 of shells. I sneaked the gun and shells over to the 
 friend s room at the hotel and put them into my little 
 telescope. The farmer drove into town about twelve 
 o clock and after we had dinner, I started with him 
 for the farm. We arrived there about two o clock and 
 drove up to the barn. 
 
 The farmer told me to take my telescope into the lit 
 tle room in the front part of the barn, so I did. When 
 I looked in the door of that room my heart sank. 
 There was only one piece of furniture, an old wooden 
 bed with a dirty mattress and an old quilt thrown over 
 it. On the footboard of the bed sat a big hen. There 
 were two or three more of them in the room. I asked 
 the farmer if I was to sleep there and he said, " Sure, 
 but you want to keep that door shut or those damned 
 hens will be in there all the time." 
 
 I made up my mind then and there that I simply 
 would not stay. But first I had to find some way to 
 get away. The farmer told me to come with him and 
 we walked down into a field where some boys and men 
 were pulling mustard out of the wheat. I noticed 
 that the front of the barn and the road to town were 
 
O N E M A N 39 
 
 out of sight of where the men were working, so I worked 
 a little while and then said I was going to the barn to 
 get my gloves. When I reached the barn I grabbed 
 my telescope and hiked out for town, six miles away. 
 I didn t get there until after dark and I slept in a little 
 room over a restaurant. In the morning I got on the 
 train without seeing Father s friend. When I reached 
 home I was scolded good but Mother said she did not 
 blame me for not wanting to sleep in a hen roost. 
 
 Shortly after reaching home, Grandmother sent me 
 money to buy a bicycle. This kept me busy and I cut 
 out the stealing for a few days. 
 
CHAPTER VI 
 
 FINALLY there came a temptation too big to 
 resist. A big wholesale house burned out and 
 the owners stored thousands of cigars in an 
 empty barn near our house. The doors had the reg 
 ular old-fashioned locks and by hunting around I found 
 a key that fitted one of them. I took Bill and Pete 
 into the deal and for several nights we carried away 
 boxes of cigars until our arms ached. The owners 
 finally noticed that something was missing and while 
 they did not know how much had been stolen, they be 
 gan investigating. All they ever found was a few 
 boxes of cigars hidden in a pigeon house. 
 
 We sold our loot to a junk dealer and made a lot of 
 money out of it. 
 
 Then I decided to run away on my wheel. I started 
 early one morning with most of the proceeds of my 
 share of the cigars in my pocket, and about six o clock 
 that evening I reached the lake where I had camped 
 earlier in the Summer. Here I found some of the older 
 boys from my home town camping out. They let me 
 sleep in their tent and I stayed several days with 
 them. 
 
 It was here that I took my first drink of beer. The 
 
 boys used to send to town and get a keg and have a 
 
 40 
 
O N E M A N 41 
 
 regular blow-out about twice a week. I was present 
 at one of these performances and was awful sick that 
 night. When I got up in the morning, they made me 
 drink some of the stale beer left in the keg, telling me 
 it would stop my sickness. It did. 
 
 My father found out where I was and had the Town 
 Marshal at the lake put me on the train and send me 
 home. I received the usual beating and a few days 
 later school opened. 
 
 I was sixteen years old at this time and getting old 
 for any more petty thievery. That Fall I got five bi 
 cycles when their owners were not riding them. I had 
 some trouble selling them, but managed to get away 
 with it. My father was City Attorney at this time 
 and I felt that I could bluff out any suspicion. 
 
 During the late Fall I went to work nights after 
 school and Saturdays in a photo gallery helping with 
 the finishing and other work. I had been trading 
 around for several years among the boys and had ob 
 tained a fine kodak. Working with this had given me 
 considerable experience and the photographer paid me 
 four dollars a week for helping him. After I had 
 worked there some time one of the older boys who had a 
 large camera asked me to get him some plates at whole 
 sale. So I helped myself to two dozen and sold them 
 to him. 
 
 This started me and soon I was doing a good busi 
 ness in photographers supplies. The man who owned 
 the place was a poor business man but a genuine artist 
 and he had more business than he could take care of. 
 
42 O N E M A N 
 
 He never knew how much he bought or what stock he had 
 on hand. 
 
 In his dark room, he had a little tin bank, one of 
 these affairs that open with a two-number combination. 
 The bank had a slot in the top of it and the old man 
 was always dropping in the silver money which he re 
 ceived in payment of bills. Once in a great while he 
 would empty it and deposit the money or pay bills with 
 it. I made up my mind to get that thing open and I 
 started out to try every combination commencing with 
 one or both dials. After considerable experimenting I 
 got the combination and thereafter I had three or four 
 dollars a week out of that bank. Finally after a par 
 ticularly bold steal of printing paper, he became sus 
 picious and I quit the job. 
 
 In the Spring of 1897 the " gang " got busy build 
 ing a shack. We dug out a space eight feet square in 
 the side of the hill back of my house and at night we 
 would forage around new residences in course of con 
 struction, and steal lumber, tools and nails. We soon 
 had a comfortable den fitted with a stove, hanging lamp, 
 ventilator pipes and everything we needed. When the 
 younger members of the " gang " stole refreshments 
 they brought them to the " shack," as we called it, and 
 we would have a feast. I was smoking a good many 
 cigarettes these days and they were already beginning 
 to have an effect upon me. 
 
 In this neighborhood was a young boy whose folks 
 were very well-to-do. They bought him a fine kodak 
 
O N E M A N 43 
 
 and complete outfit and engaged me to teach him how 
 to use it. 
 
 For two weeks I went to his house nearly every night 
 and helped him finish his work. I received fifty cents 
 each trip, and the first day I was there I noticed that 
 the boy took the money out of a big glass dish on a 
 shelf in the kitchen. This shelf was right over the 
 kitchen sink where we used the running water most of 
 the time. So on my second trip I left the brush in 
 our dark room and made him go and get it. While he 
 was gone I investigated and found this dish to be half 
 full of small change. I stole a couple of dollars this 
 first time and touched it up regularly during those two 
 weeks. It seems that the boy s father put whatever 
 silver he had in his pockets each night into this dish. 
 The boy s mother paid for vegetables and groceries and 
 such things out of this fund. The last time I was 
 there I lifted over six dollars out of it. 
 
CHAPTER VII 
 
 ALL this Spring Mother had been feeling poorly 
 and one day she told me that some day soon 
 there would be another child in the house. I 
 was dumbfounded at first and could scarcely believe 
 it. I did not know much about such things, only what 
 the older boys had told around the gang camp fires 
 and what little I had read in books and magazines. 
 
 I noticed that Mother read a good many boy stories 
 and around the house appeared a lot of new pictures 
 of children, mostly boys, and I heard Father and her 
 discussing something which they called " Prenatal In 
 fluences." I remember so well looking up the words 
 and then how the thought came to me like a blow that 
 they wanted another boy because the first one had 
 turned out no good. I think in that hour I became 
 suddenly a great deal older. I know that I had hope, 
 just a little, now that there was a substitute for me on 
 the way. I felt that I could get away out of their 
 sight and hoe my own row. I somehow felt confident 
 that once I was away from there I could grow into a 
 good business man at least. I looked forward to that 
 baby s coming with a great deal of boyish anxiety. 
 I can remember so well asking God in my prayers 
 
 each night to have the baby be a boy. On several oc- 
 
 44 
 
O N E M A N 45 
 
 casions I forgot to ask God about the baby and I can 
 remember crawling out of bed and getting down on my 
 knees again to ask him for the boy. 
 
 One morning in July Father called me in a hurry 
 and I had to take my wheel and ride to the livery barn, 
 get a hack and go after the nurse. When I reached 
 home, Father told me there would be a little baby up 
 stairs soon. It was the first time he had mentioned 
 the subject to me. 
 
 I went out on the porch and sat down on the front 
 steps. I could hear my mother moan and cry out once 
 in a while and my heart ached. I thought she was go 
 ing through all that pain on account of me, because if 
 I had been a good boy, they would not have needed 
 another baby. And if ever a child s prayer was earnest 
 it was mine that bright summer morning as I sat 
 there in the sunshine, thinking a man s thoughts and 
 praying for a brother not a brother that I could 
 play with, but a brother who would be The Boy of the 
 family and an honor to my father and mother. I can 
 remember a few pangs of jealousy over how he would 
 be loved and trusted and I would be roaming around the 
 world alone. Somehow as I had grown older I had 
 come to think it would be desertion on my part to run 
 away and leave them without a boy, even though I was 
 only a bad one. I felt somehow that if the baby was 
 a boy they would be good to him and he would grow up 
 nice. 
 
 When the doctor came downstairs at last, I was 
 afraid to ask him what the baby was and he smiled at 
 
6 ONE MAN 
 
 me as he drew on his gloves and said, " Bob, you have 
 another sister upstairs." 
 
 I didn t answer him but I ran into the house and 
 threw myself face down on the couch where my mother 
 had lain so many afternoons and I cried and sobbed for 
 what seemed hours. Father came into the room about 
 noon and, pulling me up from the couch, asked me what 
 I was crying about. I shrank away from him and 
 could not answer, but as I looked at him the queerest 
 expression came over his face and he said something 
 about " being damned." I wonder sometimes if he read 
 my disappointment. 
 
 From the moment I saw that baby I loved her. She 
 is sixteen now and I have almost worshipped her since 
 that morning. 
 
 That Summer I got a job in a wholesale grocery 
 house and worked hard and behaved myself. 
 
 When school opened in the Fall, I settled down to 
 hard work and began to take an interest in my studies. 
 I also joined the Y. M. C. A. and attended all their 
 meetings. At one of the Sunday afternoon meetings 
 I became greatly repentant and when the evangelist 
 asked the ones who wished to go on the Lord s side to 
 step forward, I stood up and walked forward. This 
 action on my part greatly pleased my folks and the 
 friends of the family. Even my school teacher spoke 
 to me about it one afternoon after school. They 
 crowded and jammed religion down my throat until I 
 was dazed, and finally I became disgusted with the 
 whole thing. 
 
O N E M A N 47 
 
 I started to work evenings and Saturdays on the 
 stage at the Opera House. Sundays I was singing in 
 the Episcopal Church choir. This soon became tire 
 some and I spent my Sunday mornings back of the big 
 pipe organ with the minister s son, Percy. 
 
 Percy was an adept at " touching up " the collection 
 baskets just as the services were over. After he put 
 me wise to this, we both had spending money. 
 
 It was during this Winter that my father came very 
 near killing me. My mother interfered just in time to 
 save me. 
 
 One evening when Father had particularly cautioned 
 me against going out, Percy and his sister came along 
 and urged me to go over on the other side of town with 
 them for an hour. Father was suffering with rheuma 
 tism but had gone down town to Lodge. I figured that 
 I could get back before he did and so I sneaked out 
 without asking Mother. We went over to a friend s 
 house and I got to scuffling with one of the girls out in 
 the hall and pushed her through the glass panel 
 in the front door. Her mother was very angry and 
 sent us all home, and shortly after we left she called 
 up my home on the phone. 
 
 Father had returned and he answered the call. The 
 woman told him about my pushing her daughter 
 through the glass door and Father got crazy mad. He 
 put on his hat and coat and started out to hunt me. 
 
 I passed him on the way and had sneaked into the 
 house and hung up my hat and coat when he came in. 
 He let out a roar and made a dive for me, but slipped 
 
48 O N E M A N 
 
 on the polished floor and fell against a little stove, 
 which was standing in the corner. He knocked this 
 stove over and parts of it rolled across the room. 
 Luckily there was no fire in it. He grabbed one of the 
 stove legs with one hand and me with the other and 
 jammed me up into a corner. His hand was around my 
 throat and his knee in my stomach when he struck at 
 me with the stove leg. The piece of iron caught on the 
 edge of the shelf, glanced down onto my shoulder and 
 slipped out of Father s hand. He did not let go of 
 me but smashed me in the face with his fist and then 
 Mother pulled him backwards to the floor and I got 
 away. She quieted him and then patched me up but it 
 was a week before I could go out anywhere. 
 
 This brutality made me worse than ever and the 
 next thing I started was stealing overcoats. I stole 
 two from church sociables and three from a denomina 
 tional college which was located near our house. I had 
 to go there twice a week to take music lessons. I did 
 not want to study music but Mother paid me to take 
 lessons and practise. The overcoat thefts were dan 
 gerous and when the police began to investigate, I laid 
 low for a while. 
 
 During this Spring Mother decided to have me bap 
 tized. She had often spoken of it and finally one 
 Wednesday night I went to prayer meeting with her 
 and had it done. I cried during the service and so did 
 Mother. She sat there looking at me so strangely just 
 as if she had faith that the placing of God s seal upon 
 my head would save me from damnation. 
 
O N E M A N 49 
 
 That Spring I had to work hard to pass in my 
 studies on account of the poor attention paid to them 
 during the late Winter. 
 
CHAPTER VIII 
 
 IN the early Summer Mother and the baby, together 
 with Mary and myself, went to visit my grand 
 mother who had moved back to her old home, the 
 town I had tried to reach on my first run-away trip. 
 
 After we had been there a few days I started to work 
 for the telephone company doing local repair work and 
 putting in instruments. I had fooled around with 
 electricity considerable during the preceding three 
 years and it was not difficult for me to do this kind of 
 wdrk. After a month of it, the General Store people, 
 who were friends of my grandmother s, offered me a job 
 at five dollars a week in the store. 
 
 This store carried a stock of groceries, tobacco, jew 
 elry, drugs, and had a large patent medicine manufac 
 turing business which was operated under the same 
 management as the store. 
 
 This sort of a position was a snap for my thieving 
 hands and I got busy right away. One of the first 
 things I stole was a small keg of port wine and in com 
 pany with several of the telephone men went to the 
 cemetery one evening where the " gang " proceeded to 
 get drunk. I was so sick afterwards that from that 
 day to this I have never touched port wine. 
 
 While working in the store, I had a chance to meet 
 
 50 
 
ONE MAN 51 
 
 many of the girls living in the town. Some of them 
 were terrors and while I was ignorant regarding many 
 things, yet I found a great fascination in going with 
 them and letting them make love to me. They must 
 have sized me up right for they certainly teased the life 
 out of me. 
 
 One of the girls in particular was very beautiful and 
 seemed to take a liking to me. Finally I commenced 
 giving her things out of the store a ring or two, per 
 fumery, candy and such things. 
 
 The patent medicine business was booming at this 
 time and the firm bought thousands of revenue stamps 
 to put on the packages. These stamps, of all denomi 
 nations, were kept in a big cabinet in a side room. I 
 commenced grabbing off a sheet or two a day and hid 
 ing them in a tin box out in the warehouse. 
 
 When this girl whose name was Mabel decided to go 
 
 to R , a nearby town, and visit her aunt, I decided 
 
 I would go and see her later on and at the same time 
 
 go around by W , which was a good-sized town, and 
 
 dispose of the revenue stamps. 
 
 This I did, receiving about fifty dollars for the bunch 
 worth over a hundred. Also I had grabbed off a couple 
 of watches, a few league base balls, fountain pens, some 
 
 gold rings and such stuff. I sold all of this in W 
 
 and had nearly a hundred dollars in cash when I started 
 
 for R . I arrived there in the morning and went 
 
 to the hotel. After breakfast I went to see Mabel. 
 She was glad to see me and told me she would meet me 
 that evening. 
 
52 O N E M A N 
 
 I went back to the hotel and as I was sitting at din 
 ner I heard some loud talking out in the little office. 
 The queerest faint feeling came over me and a moment 
 later the hotel clerk came into the dining-room and 
 walked over to me. His face was red and he looked 
 angry. He told me to go out in the office as a man 
 wanted to see me. I knew something was wrong and 
 the moment I stepped into the office and saw the heavy, 
 thick-set man with a star on his coat, I knew I was 
 going to be arrested. I did not know just what for as 
 there were so many things back of me and I can re 
 member going over a lot of them mentally in a very 
 few seconds. 
 
 The village marshal, for such he proved to be, asked 
 me my name and I told him. Then he said I was under 
 arrest for the authorities at grandmother s home. I 
 knew then that it was for the stamps and things I had 
 taken out of the store. 
 
 The marshal made me pay my hotel bill and then get 
 my little satchel and go to the jail with him. 
 
 There were no other prisoners in the jail, which was 
 a small, ramshackle, wooden affair. The big man led 
 me through a sort of office into a room containing three 
 little cells, or cages, made out of iron bars. Opening 
 the door of the first one, he pushed me in and shut it ; 
 then reaching up on the wall he took down a big key 
 and locked me in. After getting me a tin pail of water, 
 he left the cell room and a little later I heard the jail 
 door slam shut and I knew I was alone. 
 
 I looked around the cell I was in and found a narrow 
 
O N E M A N 53 
 
 iron cot fastened to the wall and covered with a dirty 
 grey blanket. I can remember the awful feeling that 
 came over me as I realized that at last I was in jail. 
 
 I stood at the cell door and looked out of the grated 
 window across the narrow corridor. The sun was shin 
 ing brightly and I could hear a wagon going by. The 
 birds sang outside in the trees and I couldn t see how 
 they could. Then the realization of where I was came 
 to me all of a sudden and I grabbed the cold, iron bars 
 in the door and shook them and rattled them, for I was 
 fearfully alone and afraid in that moment. Then I 
 began to cry and to grow more afraid and I called and 
 screamed but there wasn t any snswer. Then the 
 thought came to me, " Suppose the jail gets on fire? " 
 That made me yet more afraid and I screamed and 
 kicked at the bars until I wore myself out and sank to 
 the floor. 
 
 About four thirty the marshal came back and with 
 him came the county attorney and Grandmother s old 
 family doctor, who had an interest in the store. 
 
 I can remember how, after the marshal had unlocked 
 my cell door, the old doctor came into the cell and 
 leading me out into the sunlit corridor said, " Bobbie, 
 why did you do it? " I put my head on the old man s 
 shoulder and cried like a baby. 
 
 After a few moments, the doctor pushed me away 
 from him and said to the others, " I guess you can leave 
 us alone for a few minutes." Then he hesitated and 
 said, " Wait a minute," and ran his hands all over my 
 body, feeling to see if I had a weapon hidden in my 
 
54 N M A N 
 
 clothes. I have often wondered where the old doctor 
 learned that trick. 
 
 He then told the marshal and the attorney to go, 
 saying at the same time that he guessed I would not 
 try to hurt him. After they left the cell room, the 
 doctor got at me and made me tell him the whole story. 
 Finally he called in the county attorney and told him 
 to make out a list of all the things I had stolen and to 
 also take down the names of the people to whom I 
 had sold them. 
 
 It was late when we got through with this and the 
 old doctor, after taking every cent I had, gave me five 
 
 dollars and told me to go to C and stop at a 
 
 certain hotel, giving me at the same time a note to the 
 hotel people, stating that my mother would call for 
 me in two days and would pay my board bill. 
 
 I got on the train that night with a thankful heart, 
 swearing I would never steal again. Mother came a 
 few days later and took me home. She had written to 
 father about the trouble and he seemed heartbroken 
 when he met us at the train. That night I heard him 
 talking to Mother for hours after I had gone to bed. 
 He did not beat me this time. My grandmother later 
 paid the store in full for everything I had stolen. 
 When she died a few years afterward her entire estate 
 went to my mother and Mary. 
 
CHAPTER IX 
 
 WEN school opened that Fall, I took up my 
 pork in a half hearted way and nights 
 Lfter school and Saturdays worked in a 
 bookstore. After a few days in the store I commenced 
 to hold out money from my sales and in this way soon 
 had a few dollars ahead. 
 
 About this time, I began to drink considerable for a 
 boy of my age. I was somewhat ignorant regarding 
 women. Despite my companions and their stories I 
 was absolutely innocent regarding sex relationship. 
 
 On the night of my eighteenth birthday I went down 
 town with Bill, one of the other boys belonging to our 
 old gang. We had several drinks and finally wandered 
 into a gambling room connected with the saloon. This 
 was the first time I had seen such a lay-out and I 
 became excited immediately. I only had fourteen cents 
 in my pocket and obtaining another cent from Bill I 
 started to play a dice game. This game consisted of 
 a big single dice with a picture and name of some 
 famous horse painted on each face and a strip of oil 
 cloth fastened to a table and marked off into six divi 
 sions in each one of which was painted a horse and 
 name to correspond with one of the faces of the dice. 
 
 I laid my fifteen cents on the oil cloth space marked 
 
 55 
 
56 O N E M A N 
 
 " Saxon, " the man running the lay-out spun the dice 
 around on a little wooden platform and when it stopped, 
 the side of the dice which turned up read " Saxon " 
 and I had won. I kept this up for half an hour and 
 then had something over six dollars. 
 
 Then we went to the roulette wheel and I quit there 
 with a little over ten dollars. After this I shot craps 
 and lost all but three dollars. Then we went across 
 the street to a saloon which catered to the wine room 
 trade. 
 
 After a couple of drinks in the bar we went down 
 stairs to the wine rooms to " see what we could see." 
 I cannot forget even the walk down those heavily 
 carpeted stairs, the scent of the cigarettes being 
 smoked behind the closed doors of those little rooms and 
 I wondered at the time if I would see a woman smoking 
 a cigarette. I had heard of their doing it but had 
 never quite believed it. I know I was trembling a 
 little when I went down there and I guess most men 
 when they approach the turning of the way in life do 
 so with some fear. It seems to be but natural. Why 
 I should choose the night of my eighteenth birthday 
 for such an action I don t know but I suppose it had 
 to come then as well as any other time. 
 
 Bill and I went into the little room which was open 
 ad I pushed the button for the waiter. We ordered 
 a drink and I paid for it and ordered another immedi 
 ately. I felt reckless and for the first time in my 
 life, a little vicious. I was beginning to feel the effects 
 of what I had imbibed and was ready for any deviltry 
 
O N E M A N 57 
 
 that might develop, but I can remember being glad 
 that Bill was there. 
 
 While we were sitting there drinking our second round 
 a pretty dark-eyed girl looked into the room and said, 
 Hello, kids." Bill and I both said, " Hello." 
 
 She stood there in the door a moment looking at us 
 and finally came in and asked us if we would buy a 
 drink. I jumped up quick and after pushing the button 
 for the waiter, pulled out a chair for her to sit on. She 
 looked at me kind of funny when I did it. 
 
 I sized her up while the waiter was bringing in the 
 drinks. She did not have on any paint or powder. 
 Her hands and hair were well cared for and she was 
 dressed very simply in a dark skirt and clean white, 
 tailored shirt waist. Her hat was small and very be 
 coming. She was the first woman of her kind that I 
 had ever met and somehow I couldn t believe she was 
 " one of them." I was all eyes and ears and, in fact, 
 could not take my eyes from hers for very long. She 
 seemed to look at me in such a queer way. She didn t 
 pay much attention to Bill. 
 
 Her big brown eyes were clear and her cheeks had 
 plenty of color. I could not believe that any man could 
 have her until I saw her swallow that big drink of 
 whiskey. Then my natural boyish respect for her as 
 a woman sort of faded a little. 
 
 Then she came over and asked if she could sit on my 
 knee. I let her sit there and she put one arm around 
 my neck and kissed me. At that something flared up 
 within me. I turned to Bill but he began to get red in 
 
58 O N E M A N 
 
 the face and getting on to his feet said, " Bob, I m going 
 out of doors for some fresh air." After Bill left, the 
 girl jumped up from my knee and went over and locked 
 the door. 
 
 She came back to me and sat down on my knee again 
 and putting her arm around me began telling me the 
 story of her life. She talked particularly about her 
 splendid education. Then she asked me all about my 
 self and I was just drunk enough to tell her who I was 
 and to answer all her questions. My answers to one or 
 two of her questions seemed to tickle her immensely and 
 she laughed and kissed me several times. She told me 
 she liked me and wanted to know if I liked her and I 
 said " Yes " in a strong voice although I was trembling 
 from head to foot. 
 
 When I left that room a half hour later I was per 
 fectly sober yet dazed. My childhood and my inno 
 cence were a part of the past and I shall never as long 
 as I live cease to remember my feelings as she unlocked 
 the door. I was oddly happy over what had taken 
 place and somehow considered myself at last to be a 
 man. I knew that on the morrow I should look at 
 women in a different light. I did not feel. that I had 
 done any wrong but that I had only taken from life 
 something which belonged to me. 
 
 I looked around for Bill and found him upstairs 
 eating free lunch. I asked him to buy me a drink 
 as I had given the girl downstairs what money I had, 
 a dollar and twenty cents. She had not wanted to 
 take it at first, especially as I had counted out the 
 
O N E M A N 59 
 
 nickels and dimes on to the table. I can remember how 
 her face flushed as I put the last nickel down but I 
 had insisted on her taking it and told her I wished I 
 had more to give her. I can remember even now how 
 ashamed I was that I did not have more money with me. 
 
 I was pretty quiet walking home with Bill and he 
 wanted to know all about what had taken place but I 
 would not tell him. I wanted to get away from him 
 to think over this new thing which had come into my 
 life. 
 
 I lay awake a long time that night trying to peer 
 into the future and wondering what it held for me. 
 
 A few days after this I quit school and told Father 
 I was going to business college and learn to earn my 
 own living. He told me he would not pay any tuition 
 for me but that I could have my board as long as I be 
 haved myself. 
 
 I went down town to the business college and asked 
 them if there was any way I could earn my tuition. 
 The principal laughed at me at first. My father was 
 then one of the city officials and it probably did sound 
 queer to hear his son asking for a chance to work his 
 way through school. But I persisted in my efforts to 
 convince the principal, telling him that my father had 
 worked his way through college and that I was not too 
 proud to do the same thing. 
 
 Finally he told me he would give me my tuition and 
 books and two dollars and a half a week if I would see 
 that the fires in the four big stoves were built each 
 morning and kept up through the day, the rooms swept 
 
60 O N E M A N 
 
 every morning and the desks dusted. I was to have a 
 Swede boy to help me at this work. The wood for the 
 stoves was kept in a big shed on the ground floor and 
 had to be carried up two flights of stairs. 
 
 I took the job and started to work the next Mon 
 day morning. Our whole neighborhood talked about it 
 and several men patted me on the back and said, " Good 
 boy, stick to it." 
 
 It was hard work and it took all my nerve and grit 
 to stick it out. My former school mates kidded me 
 continually and called me, " Janitor Bob." Yet I 
 learned more in those few months than in any two years 
 I attended public school. Also I had more of an excuse 
 to go out evenings and that meant a great deal to me. 
 
 Before I had been very long at the janitor work I 
 saw an opportunity to do a little stealing and I made 
 the most of it. The school sent out many letters 
 and booklets to prospective students and this neces 
 sitated their using a great many postage stamps in the 
 office. I managed to get a key to the stamp drawer 
 and in this way kept myself in spending money. 
 
 The students hung their coats and hats in a big 
 room which opened onto the hall. A person standing 
 in this room could easily hear any one coming down the 
 hall and one morning after school was opened I made 
 a tour of investigation through the room and gathered 
 in a few dollars. 
 
 I had noticed that some of the students who came 
 from the country districts received money from home 
 every Monday so I decided that Monday afternoons 
 
O N E M A N 61 
 
 ought to be a good time to make a " clean-up." 
 
 One girl in particular always had plenty of money 
 and the principal always cashed a check for her Monday 
 mornings. So I awaited my chance and the next Mon 
 day afternoon I went through her coat and found a 
 pocket book containing about thirty dollars in bills. 
 I took a twenty dollar bill and left the rest. She 
 never made any holler about it but I was nearly caught 
 during the following week so I decided to find another 
 source of income. 
 
 About this time I became acquainted with a boy 
 named Fred who worked for the phone company. He 
 had recently moved into our neighborhood and we soon 
 came to be good friends. He gave me a lot of wire and 
 stuff from the telephone warehouse and I used to go 
 to the warehouse with him on Sunday mornings. On 
 my first visit there I noticed thousands of dollars worth 
 of copper lying around and it looked to me as if it 
 might be a " source of income." 
 
 I laid for Fred s keys and one Sunday morning 
 while he was up in the warehouse office I " lifted " the 
 bunch which he had left hanging in the padlock. This 
 was not an unusual thing for him to do and when he 
 was ready to go home, he pulled the door shut and 
 snapped the padlock, never missing his keys. Early 
 the next morning I took the warehouse key to a lock 
 smith and had a duplicate made. The following Sun 
 day I dropped Fred s bunch in an open keg of insulators 
 where it was found a few days later. 
 
 The question now was how to get the wire out. Sat- 
 
62 O N E M A N 
 
 urday night was the best time as Jack usually went 
 to see his girl and the crew foreman, the only other 
 man who had a key, always went on a drunk that even 
 ing. 
 
 I took Bill into my confidence and on our first trip 
 we took nothing but spools of insulated copper wire. 
 This netted about twenty dollars for the evening s 
 work. The next Saturday night we took Bill s horse 
 and buggy and drove down near the warehouse. We 
 tied the horse and walked to the place, opened the door 
 and rolled out two of the big coils. We then shut and 
 locked the door and hurried back after the horse and 
 buggy which we drove into the alley and, lifting the 
 coils into the buggy, we threw a robe over them and 
 drove back to Bill s barn where w T e hid the wire. 
 
 For two months we seldom missed a Saturday night s 
 trip and we had about a dozen coils of wire hid around 
 Bill s home, some in the barn and some in the lumber 
 pile. 
 
 One Sunday morning Fred told me that some one 
 was stealing copper from the company and they were 
 going to station a man in the warehouse to watch. 
 This warning was lucky for us and I threw my key 
 away that same day. 
 
 Bill and I were afraid to dispose of the wire in the 
 coils so we decided to cut it up in short lengths. We 
 borrowed from a neighbor an old strap iron cutter and 
 sharpened it. We rigged the affair up in Bill s hay 
 loft and started in to cut up the lot. After we had cut 
 up two rolls, we loaded the short pieces into the spring 
 
O N E M A N 63 
 
 wagon and drove out to a junk man s place. This old 
 man was a thorough crook and we had no trouble in 
 selling our load. 
 
 We finally became tired of the work involved in cut 
 ting up the wire and made a dicker with the old crook 
 to buy the remaining rolls. He drove up back of Bill s 
 barn one night and we sold him the whole lot. We 
 received a good-sized bunch of money for this work but 
 when I look back at the risk we ran I cannot see how 
 we ever got away with it. 
 
 I was getting tired of the janitor work and had fal 
 len into the habit of chasing around with one of the 
 girls who went to the business college. She was a ter 
 ror and led me a merry chase. 
 
 One night when I had a date with her, Father cau 
 tioned me to be home by eleven o clock and I did not get 
 back until twelve. I rang the bell and hammered on 
 the door and finally Father opened the window upstairs 
 and hollered, " You can t get in here, young man. Go 
 and sleep with the other night owls." 
 
 For a few moments I stood there in the moonlight 
 looking up at the house, half expecting that Mother 
 would open the door for me but she did not. I walked 
 to the gate under the tree and turned again and looked 
 up to her window, hoping she would at least tell me 
 where to go, but she did not speak. 
 
 When I realized that I was locked out I opened the 
 gate and walked away. I have never since felt so ut 
 terly God forsaken and alone as on that night when I 
 was refused entrance to my own home. That home 
 
64 ONE MAN 
 
 was never the same after that evening. The closing 
 of the door against me seemed like a still small voice 
 saying, " See, Bob, they don t care a damn for you ; go 
 on your way." And while I was hurt and heartbroken 
 yet I was glad in a way, for it seemed to be a sign that 
 I should shake the dust of the place from my feet. 
 
 That night I went to a hotel and slept. I had the 
 bill charged to Father, who paid it the next day with 
 out a word. That night I was home early. 
 
 Several times during that Fall I hesitated over con 
 tinuing my way downward. Many an evening at home 
 when the family would be sifting around the big library 
 table, I have wanted to get up and go around to Father 
 and tell him how sorry I was for what I had done and 
 that I wanted to make a clean start. But when he 
 would look over at me it would be with such a hopeless 
 look and with such disgust that my pride and anger 
 would get the best of me and my good resolutions go 
 a-glimmering. 
 
 During that Winter it seemed that anything pe 
 culiarly or unusually sinful appealed to me as I had 
 grown hopeless of ever being anything, and if I was to 
 be a crook and a bum, I wanted to be a good one. 
 
 Up to this time I had never been in any of the re 
 sorts in the town and one night in company with Bill 
 and some of the other boys I went on a tour of inspec 
 tion through the houses. 
 
 In one of the places I met a girl named Agnes, with 
 whom I " fell in love." She took a fancy to me and I 
 became a frequent visitor at the resort. Agnes finally 
 
O N E M A N 65 
 
 gave me a key to the front door so that when I reached 
 the house on my frequent visits, I could open the door 
 and walk right into the hall. The old nigger maid 
 used to come running into the hall and holler up the 
 stairs, " Miss Agnes, youah lovah hab done come," 
 and Agnes would yell, " Come on up, Sweet." I was 
 very proud of my " stand-in " at the place but it be 
 came noised around town before long and Father heard 
 of it. 
 
 One Saturday night I stayed there all night and 
 when I went home Sunday noon I told the folks that I 
 had stayed at a boy friend s all night. Father did not 
 say very much but looked at me rather queerly. 
 
 The next Saturday night I planned to stay down 
 there all night again. Early in the evening when I 
 was coming up the stairs from the barber shop I met 
 Father and he said, " If you go down to that Hell hole 
 again to-night, I ll come down there and beat you to 
 death." Nevertheless, I went but I did not stay all 
 night. Father did not say anything when I came home 
 about eleven o clock. 
 
 The Swede had been doing most of the work at 
 school and I had been giving him the two dollars and a 
 half per week for some time, when I decided to quit the 
 janitor work. Agnes had told me several times to 
 quit and that she would give me spending money if I 
 would come to see her regularly. I never spent much 
 in the place and God only knows how it would have 
 turned out if it had not been for a row in the place 
 one night. 
 
66 O N E M A N 
 
 I was trying to dance with Agnes when I stepped 
 on the foot of a big Norwegian who worked in one of 
 the local clothing stores. He was half drunk and when 
 I stepped on him he picked me up and threw me through 
 the window into a snow bank, cutting my hands and 
 limbs badly on the edges of the broken window pane. 
 Agnes hit the Norwegian on the head with a piano 
 stool and laid him out cold. They dug me out of the 
 snow bank, patched me up and put me to bed. I went 
 home the next afternoon and that night Father ordered 
 the place closed. I never saw Agnes again. 
 
CHAPTER X 
 
 ABOUT this time I met a young man named 
 Daniels who had come up from the South and 
 started a small manufacturing plant. He 
 asked me one day if I would like to learn the business 
 and I took the job at nine dollars a week. I learned 
 to run the machines and also had to pack and help de 
 liver goods. 
 
 Jack was a hustler in every way but he would get 
 drunk. He worked up a big business and managed to 
 get out in society a little. He was a great ladies man 
 and they took an immediate liking to his Southern 
 ways. 
 
 One girl in particular he wanted to meet and one 
 day he said to me, " Bob, can t you get Florence to 
 come in here sometime?" I told him, "Sure," and 
 next time I saw her I asked her to come in to the office 
 some day. She belonged to one of the wealthiest fam 
 ilies in town and was very popular among the young 
 society people. She dropped in a few days later and 
 I introduced her to Jack. They became interested in 
 each other immediately, and when she left he had an in 
 vitation to call. 
 
 Several nights later I came into the office about nine 
 
 o clock for something and as the switch for the elec- 
 
 67 
 
68 N E M A N 
 
 trie light was in the back of the office, I had to stumble 
 over bags and packages to get to it. I had almost 
 reached it when some one swore and grabbed me and 
 threw me out. I was so surprised that I could not see 
 anything but I knew from the odor of violets which was 
 noticeable in the room, that Florence was in there with 
 him. He laughed at me next morning when I came in 
 and said, " For the love of Mike, knock when you come 
 in here late at night." The realization that a girl 
 like Florence would come in to a place like that at 
 night with Jack opened my eyes to the fact that society 
 was not all that it seemed to be. She got into serious 
 trouble a few months later with another man and he 
 was square enough to marry her and take her away, 
 but the shame of it all killed her father. 
 
 Jack drank more and more as Spring lengthened out 
 and finally he left overnight. He paid me on a Thurs 
 day for the entire week and Friday he was gone. His 
 brother took the business and kept me in his employ. 
 
 I did not like him so I made up my mind to get out. 
 I had been offered a position with a big wholesale house 
 
 in C and I wrote to them asking them if they 
 
 could use me July first. I received an answer saying 
 they could use me at any time so I made up my mind 
 
 to leave home for good. Fred had moved to C 
 
 and had a good position, so I wrote to him and asked 
 him if he wanted a roommate. He wrote back to come 
 ahead. Then I had to skirmish around and get money 
 enough to get out of town. I had been spending my 
 money as fast as I made it and I finally decided to 
 
O N E M A N 69 
 
 pawn Father s shotgun for enough money to get out 
 of town. 
 
 I sneaked the gun awaj the night of July second and 
 pawned it for a small amount. 
 
 Something seemed to tell me that I was leaving town 
 for good this time. When the evening of July third 
 came, I sneaked into the nursery where the baby was 
 asleep and leaned over her crib. The night light shone 
 faintly on the crib and I can remember to this day how 
 sweet she looked with her little fist curled up under her 
 cheek as she lay asleep. I stood there a minute look 
 ing down on her, then leaning over I kissed her once on 
 the forehead and slipped out of the house without so 
 much as a look at the rest of the family. 
 
CHAPTER XI 
 
 THE next morning, Fourth of July, I reached 
 C with exactly four cents in my pocket. I 
 walked to Fred s room and found him there. 
 He was glad to see me and took me to breakfast with 
 him. After breakfast I walked over to the factory of 
 the people with whom I had corresponded. Although 
 
 it was a holiday Mr. M was there and after a 
 
 little talk with me he offered me a position at seven 
 dollars a week. This was much less than I had ex 
 pected to get but I had to take it as I was a stranger 
 in the city and had to live. Fred loaned me enough to 
 pay my first week s board and let me room with him. 
 
 At the factory I was placed in charge of the packing 
 room where some twenty girls were engaged in packing 
 coffee in small packages. These girls worked under 
 the direct supervision of a tall, slender blond girl 
 named Maud. She was about nineteen years old and 
 very good looking. From the day I commenced work 
 there she was respectful toward me regarding the work 
 but in a personal way she took great delight in teasing 
 me. She called me " Bobbie " from the beginning and 
 it was not long until I asked her if I could come and 
 see her. She told me to come any evening and finally 
 
 I summoned up nerve enough to make a call. 
 
 70 
 
O N E M A N 71 
 
 She lived in a small frame house in a respectable 
 neighborhood. Her mother was a worn, tired-looking 
 woman and did not look as if she particularly enjoyed 
 life. Her father was a big good-natured sort of a man 
 and was employed as a switchman in the railway yards. 
 Maud was all dressed up that evening and ready to 
 make an impression, which she certainly did. 
 
 When I left that night I kissed her and promised to 
 come and see her again the next Saturday evening. It 
 was not long until we were going round together a 
 great deal. 
 
 I had considerable trouble to make both ends meet 
 these days ; my board and room costing me five dollars 
 a week, left me only two dollars a week for laundry 
 and spending money. 
 
 I can remember one evening in particular. I had 
 just twenty cents in my pocket and I jumped on a 
 street car and rode out to a lake near the city. This 
 place was a sort of an amusement park with a big pa 
 vilion extending out into the lake. They had a very 
 good band and when I reached the place I hunted up 
 an unoccupied bench and sat down to listen to the 
 music. It was here that I had my first real touch of 
 homesickness and I was completely discouraged and 
 disheartened. I thought that if I could get a boat and 
 go away out into the lake and jump overboard, it 
 would be a fitting end to my life. 
 
 While these thoughts were running through my mind 
 the band commenced to play Schubert s " Serenade " and 
 I crumpled up on the seat and cried until I thought my 
 
72 O N E M A N 
 
 heart would break. And to this day whenever I hear 
 Schubert s " Serenade " it brings back in every detail 
 that night when I sat out there on the lake shore prac 
 tically penniless and without a real friend in the world. 
 
 After reaching the room that night, I wrote to my 
 mother and told her I was working and earning my own 
 living and asked about the baby. She answered my 
 letter and gave me some good advice and wished me 
 good fortune. We corresponded regularly after that. 
 Father only wrote once, to threaten me with arrest for 
 stealing his gun and to tell me never to darken his door 
 again. 
 
 After I had been in C about five weeks, Fred 
 
 wanted to move so we found a couple of rooms in an 
 apartment building. Fred paid most of the rent. He 
 was getting a good salary and could afford it. 
 Shortly after we moved, his employers promoted him to 
 a travelling position. In the meantime, my pay had 
 been raised to ten dollars a week. Fred wanted to keep 
 the rooms and as long as he was willing to pay most 
 of the rent and was in town only every other week, it 
 more than suited me. 
 
 I had been telling Maud about our cute little rooms 
 and one evening she said she wanted to see them. We 
 went to the rooms and remained there all the evening. 
 While there, I found that she was not anywhere near 
 as innocent and demure as she had appeared to be. I 
 had begun to care a great deal for her and after this 
 night I loved her with all my boyish heart. She came 
 to the rooms very often during the next few months. 
 
O N E M A N 73 
 
 It was getting late in the Fall when I lost my posi 
 tion through a combination of unfortunate circum 
 stances. 
 
 I had been taking my meals at a boarding house near 
 the factory and had fallen behind in my board bill. 
 Finally I quit eating there when I owed them eight dol 
 lars. The woman who owned the place called me up at 
 the factory twice and threatened to tell my employers 
 about it. It scared me when she called the second time 
 and I promised to pay her the next Saturday noon. 
 
 Just before noon Saturday I had occasion to go to 
 one of the upper floors in the plant. We had no at 
 tendant on the freight elevator as all the employes knew 
 how to run the car. 
 
 At the third floor one of the boys, a big, awkward, 
 ungainly kid, wanted to ride up. So I stopped the car 
 and he got on with a four-wheeled truck which he was 
 pulling. The truck was empty and he sat down on it 
 facing the elevator entrance and with the handle of the 
 truck held upright between his knees. After I started 
 the elevator he began to push the truck back and forth 
 while he was still sitting on the front part of it. His 
 knees were only about six inches from the edge of the 
 elevator shaft and the only protection over the shaft 
 entrances at each floor was an automatic half gate. I 
 was afraid that he would slide the truck out far enough 
 to catch his knees between some floor and the ascending 
 car. I told him twice to stop moving around but he 
 paid no attention to me. 
 
 Between the fifth and sixth floors the truck slipped 
 
74 O N E M A N 
 
 forward just as we were reaching the sixth and the 
 boy s legs were both caught between the edge of the 
 truck and the floor. We were going to stop at the 
 sixth floor and I was intent on stopping the car cor 
 rectly when I heard the boy scream and his bones 
 crack. I stopped the car and reversed the ropes, send 
 ing it down a foot or two. The men on the sixth floor 
 came running to the elevator and lifted the boy off the 
 truck. Both his legs were broken and the men sent 
 him to the hospital in an ambulance. 
 
 The owner of the plant called me in to the office and 
 asked me to tell him about the accident and he asked 
 me if I would sign a statement which he would make out 
 and I said I would be glad to. He told me to come 
 back to the office after lunch. 
 
 It was now about one o clock and on account of the 
 excitement I forgot to go to the cashier and draw my 
 wages. So when I went to lunch I could not go around 
 to pay the bill at the boarding house. 
 
 When I returned to the factory the owner called me 
 in to the office and handed me the statement he had pre 
 pared and I signed it. Then he handed me two salary 
 envelopes, each containing a week s pay and told me 
 he would have to let me go as I did not seem to be able to 
 support myself on my wages, and that the extra week s 
 pay was given in place of the usual week s notice. * 
 
 Because I had not paid the landlady at noon as I 
 agreed, she had called up the office and told them. 
 
 So I was out of a job and with only a few dollars in 
 my pocket. 
 
CHAPTER XII 
 
 MY folks had some friends in B , a large 
 city near C , and I went over there one 
 morning to hunt them up. 
 
 One man in particular, a prominent judge, gave me 
 
 a letter to the owner of a big department store in C , 
 
 and I returned immediately to C and presented 
 
 the letter. 
 
 I had on a good suit of clothes and as I always kept 
 myself neat and clean, I made a good appearance. In 
 side of twenty minutes I had accepted a position as 
 floor walker at fourteen dollars a week. Of course, the 
 letter from the judge was in a great measure responsi 
 ble for my obtaining the position. The owner of the 
 store was under heavy obligations to the judge, who 
 was distantly related to me. 
 
 Maud was very glad to see me get this position and 
 used to come to the store Saturday nights at closing 
 time and walk to my rooms with me. During the next 
 three months Maud and I became very intimate and 
 both of us were sincere in our love for each other. 
 
 Of course, there were many temptations for me in 
 the store among the girls. Some of them were devils 
 just for the sake of deviltry and others made such small 
 
 wages they had to become immoral in order to exist. 
 
 75 
 
76 O N E M A N 
 
 We had about four hundred girls in the store and there 
 were dozens of them who had been ruined since coming 
 
 to work there. I used to look at Mr. K , the owner, 
 
 and wonder how he could sleep at night knowing as he 
 did the conditions existing among his employes and 
 also knowing that the low wages he paid were forcing 
 so many of them into a life of shame. 
 
 Among them there was a beautiful, dark-eyed little 
 girl who worked at a bundle desk. Her first name was 
 Bertha and her last name was the same as mine. She 
 lived near my rooms with an uncle who was a cab 
 driver. She often met me in the store and on the way 
 to and from work, and on one or two occasions we 
 walked home together. 
 
 One night after I had retired there came a knock on 
 my sitting-room door and I asked who was there. A 
 girl s voice answered, " Let me in quick." So I jumped 
 up and pulling on some clothes over my pajamas 
 opened the door. Bertha slipped into the room and 
 closed the door after her. She looked to be about fif 
 teen years old standing there in a dress that came only 
 to her shoe tops. I had never before noticed closely 
 how much of a child she seemed to be. Her face was 
 flushed and she was evidently ill at ease. With con 
 siderable hesitation she told me that she had been locked 
 out and wanted to know if I could find her a place to 
 sleep. I asked her if any one had seen her come in and 
 she said, " No." Finally I told her she could sleep 
 in my room and I would get another. No, she would 
 not do that; she would not think of driving me out. 
 
N E M A N 77 
 
 Then I asked her how old she was and she said eighteen. 
 I thought she lied but she stuck to her story. So I 
 told her I would sleep on the couch in the sitting-room 
 and she could sleep in my bed in the other room. She 
 agreed to this and I went out into the hall to smoke 
 a cigarette while she retired. 
 
 When I came back into the sitting-room the light 
 was turned out in the bedroom and she was in bed. 
 I told her good night, pulled the portieres together in 
 the doorway between the two rooms and without un 
 dressing lay down on the couch. 
 
 About one o clock she called me and I went to the 
 door and asked her what was the matter. She said 
 she was afraid to stay in there alone, so I went in and 
 turned on the b ght. 
 
 I sat down on the edge of the bed and gave her a 
 good talking to. She looked so much like a child lying 
 there in my bed, it did not seem possible that she could 
 know anything of wrongdoing. She cried and moaned 
 for an hour or two and finally fell asleep. 
 
 In the morning I took her to breakfast and then 
 walked to work with her. On the way to the store she 
 asked me to loan her five dollars and I let her have the 
 money. The last time I heard of her she was in a re 
 sort in C * where some man had placed her. Thank 
 God, I, at least, did not contribute to her downfall. 
 My actions that night were among the few decent ones 
 in my life. 
 
 Shortly after Easter I had a row with the superin 
 tendent of the store over the conduct of a girl he was 
 
78 O N E M A N 
 
 keeping. I told him what I thought of him and his 
 lady and quit the job. I was sick of it anyway. I 
 
 asked Mr. K for a letter of recommendation and 
 
 received it. 
 
 My next position was with an instalment house, one 
 of those concerns which sell lace curtains, clocks, rugs 
 and such stuff on weekly payments. 
 
 This position paid fifteen dollars a week and my du 
 ties consisted of checking up the wagons and accounts 
 of the salesmen and collectors. I had not stolen any 
 thing for the preceding nine months for the simple rea 
 son that I had had no chance, but here was a golden 
 opportunity. I began to steal lace curtains, silk por 
 tieres and similar goods and sell them to pawnshops 
 
 over in B . I made these trips at night usually 
 
 and cleaned up quite a little money. Our stock was 
 large and my thefts were not noticed. 
 
 About this time I began to take Maud to the thea 
 tres a great deal. I was wearing tailor-made clothes 
 and my expenses were heavier than my income despite 
 my thefts. So I went to see a salary loan man of 
 whom I had heard. He was a very cordial sort of a 
 man and I borrowed twenty-five dollars of him. I be 
 came well acquainted with him in a short time and as I 
 always paid promptly, I could always get money on 
 short notice. 
 
 There was a lame jeweler who kept a big store around 
 the corner from our office and I went in to see him one 
 day about buying a ring for Maud. He showed me 
 some beautiful opals but I told him they were too ex- 
 
O N E M A N 79 
 
 pensive for me. He asked me where I worked and I told 
 him I worked in a lace curtain and rug house. He said 
 he needed some curtains for his home and I offered to 
 trade him two pair of fifteen dollar curtains for the ring 
 I wanted. I told him I could get the curtains at whole 
 sale. He winked at me and told me to bring them in 
 that evening and if they were all right he would make 
 the trade. 
 
 I took them in that evening and we traded. Then 
 he wanted some more stuff and inside the next few 
 weeks I sold him about three hundred dollars worth of 
 goods for about one hundred and seventy-five dollars 
 worth of jewelry. I sold most of the jewelry to 
 friends. 
 
 One evening early in June, while we were sitting in 
 the parlor at Maud s home, she suddenly told me that 
 she feared she was in deep trouble. I shall never for 
 get the look in her eyes as she told me this. For sev 
 eral days she had not been feeling well and her mother 
 had wanted her to see a doctor. 
 
 The following Saturday afternoon I told her mother 
 that I was going to take Maud to a doctor with whom 
 I was well acquainted. She made no objection to this 
 and we went to the doctor s office that evening. 
 
 When he told us that what we feared was true, we 
 could not speak for a minute. Finally I asked him 
 for some information regarding the matter and he gave 
 it to me. 
 
 After leaving his office Maud and I went to my rooms 
 and talked the matter over. She wanted me to consent 
 
80 O N E M A N 
 
 to her undergoing an operation but I would not do so. 
 We worried more over the possibility of her folks dis 
 covering her predicament than over any other phase 
 of the matter. At last I suggested a plan which met 
 with her approval. 
 
 When we reached her home that evening I told her 
 mother that the doctor had said Maud must take a 
 long rest and I suggested that she come out to visit my 
 folks who were going to take a cottage for the season 
 
 at a summer resort near B . Her mother did not 
 
 know my folks and, of course, had no way of knowing 
 that they had no intentions of going to any summer 
 resort but she did have a great deal of faith in me. 
 She consented to this arrangement and it was decided 
 that Maud should work until July first and then take 
 her rest. 
 
 The next day I went to see one of the foremen at the 
 factory where Maud and I had worked. He had al 
 ways liked Maud and on several occasions we had spent 
 an evening with him and his wife at their little home in 
 one of the suburbs. 
 
 I told him frankly of our trouble and offered to pay 
 him well if his wife would take care of Maud for a few 
 weeks. He said he would talk it over with her that 
 evening and let me know the day following. 
 
 The next noon I went to see him again and he said 
 that his wife would be glad to help us out of our trou 
 ble. 
 
 A few days later my employer sent me out on the 
 road to collect a lot of old instalment accounts. Mj 
 
O N E M A N 81 
 
 instructions were to settle all the claims for as much 
 cash as I could get. This was a snap for me and I 
 worked hard to get the money. I did well and when I 
 returned after a three weeks trip, I turned in about six 
 hundred dollars to the office and kept a hundred and 
 fifty dollars. The firm had no way of knowing just 
 how much money I had collected as I had settled up 
 every account in full and taken what I could get. 
 
 The day after my return I took Maud to the home of 
 the foreman. I made arrangements with a friend at 
 the summer resort to forward Maud s mail and to re- 
 mail the letters which I would send to him. Maud s 
 mother cried when she bid us good-bye and perhaps 
 she knew intuitively that her daughter was destined to 
 suffer much before she would see her again. I prom 
 ised to come to the house every week and let her know 
 how Maud was getting along, saying that I would, of 
 
 course, keep on with my work in C and only go out 
 
 to the lake for the week-ends. 
 
 While Maud s mother knew we were not engaged, yet 
 I think she believed we would marry some day. 
 
 The foreman s wife, Mrs. M , gave Maud a nice 
 
 little room and took good care of her from the begin 
 ning of her stay. I went to their home every evening 
 and did my best to keep Maud cheerful. We had no 
 trouble over receiving and mailing letters from and to 
 her mother. I wanted Maud to marry me but she 
 would not hear of it, saying that some day I might say 
 that I had married her because I had had to. She was 
 a brave girl as subsequent events showed. 
 
82 N E M A N 
 
 During the latter part of July I quit my position 
 suddenly as my employer became suspicious over the 
 disappearance of some bronze clocks. He did not give 
 me any letter of recommendation and there I was with 
 out a job, Maud in trouble and with only sixty dollars 
 to my name. 
 
 I applied for and obtained a position collecting in 
 stalment book accounts on the road with a firm in 
 B . I paid a lawyer five dollars to get me a bond. 
 
 Just as I was ready to leave on my trip my mother 
 
 wrote me that the family were moving to B to 
 
 live, as by the terms of Grandmother s will Mother 
 came into the possession of the nice, new home which 
 Grandmother had recently built for herself in B . 
 
 I went out on my trip and worked honestly for the 
 first few weeks. Then I began to hold out on my col 
 lections and managed to get ahead some seventy dollars. 
 
 It made it very lonesome for Maud not to have me 
 there to cheer her up each day, but she realized that 
 we had to have money to live and she was very patient 
 and sweet about it. 
 
 In the middle of September she wrote me asking me 
 
 to return to C at once. I took the first train and 
 
 when I reached the M home found her suffering a 
 
 great deal. My return seemed to help her in some 
 ways and I gave up my work to remain beside her. I 
 took a small room down town and journeyed back and 
 forth from this place to Maud s room each day. 
 
 On September twentieth, the day before my twenty- 
 first birthday, I was down town on some errand and 
 
ONE MAN 83 
 
 went to my room for a few moments. While there a 
 messenger boy brought me a note from Maud asking 
 me to come to her immediately. 
 
 I hurried out there at once and upon reaching the 
 house found the front door unlocked and no one around 
 the lower part of the house. Hurrying upstairs to 
 Maud s room, I found her in bed. The window cur 
 tains were pulled down and the room was nearly dark. 
 I walked over to the bed and never until I die will I for 
 get the look on that girl s face. It was white as death 
 with the exception of her lips which showed splotches 
 of red where she had bitten them through in some great 
 agony. 
 
CHAPTER XIII 
 
 AS I kneeled down beside her, my heart filled with 
 fear, she put her arms around my neck and 
 whispered to me, " It s over, Bobbie." I 
 asked her what she meant and then she told me her 
 baby was there beside her on the bed. It seemed hours 
 before I could realize what had happened. Maud was 
 crying and sobbing and suddenly asked me if I wasn t 
 glad. Before I had a chance to say " Yes," Mrs. 
 
 M looked in at the door and asked how she was. 
 
 We did not answer and she went downstairs to get 
 supper. She had been out visiting all the afternoon 
 and Maud had been all alone during that hour of agony. 
 
 I had been so dazed and surprised at what had hap 
 pened that I had not wondered at the child s not mak 
 ing any noise. I asked Maud why it did not cry, and 
 drawing her arms more closely around my neck she 
 whispered, " Bobbie, it s dead." I thought the horror 
 of the thing would kill me. 
 
 A half hour later I left the house, carrying in the 
 black leather hand bag, which I had given Maud, the 
 little body. 
 
 I had called the doctor and he had promised to come 
 at once. I did not tell him over the phone what the 
 
 trouble was, for I was afraid he would not come if he 
 
 84 
 
O N E M A N 85 
 
 knew. I reasoned that after he did arrive, he would 
 not refuse to take care of her. 
 
 I was right in this, for he did take care of her when 
 he saw what she had been through. 
 
 When I reached my room, I put the hand bag in my 
 trunk and sat down to figure out the next step. I did 
 not sleep all that night, and early in the morning, leav 
 ing the bag locked in the trunk, I went out to see Maud. 
 She was resting easily and seemed so happy that the 
 trouble was all over. She made me sit beside her all 
 day. I think I loved her more that day than ever be 
 fore. 
 
 This being my twenty-first birthday, I was expected 
 to sign over to my mother an insurance policy on my 
 father s life. Mother had asked me to come over on 
 that day and sign the papers. 
 
 So about seven o clock in the evening I went to my 
 room, and taking the hand bag started for B , in 
 tending to get off the car at the bridge and drop the 
 bag into the river. There were too many people walk 
 ing across the bridge when I arrived, so I car 
 ried the bag on over to Mother s with me and 
 left it in the hall upstairs while I went in to her room 
 and signed the papers. Father gave me a few pleas 
 ant words as a birthday present and Mother handed 
 me a dollar. 
 
 As I came out into the hall, I saw my little sister 
 trying to lift from the floor the hand bag I had left 
 outside the door of the room. I almost screamed when 
 I saw this, and dropping to my knees I gathered her 
 
86 O N E M A N 
 
 into my arms. She put both little arms around my 
 neck and hugged as hard as she could. It was several 
 moments before I recovered strength enough to get up 
 and after I had kissed the little sister good-bye I left 
 the house, carrying the hand bag with me. 
 
 On the return trip, just before the car reached the 
 bridge, I got off and walked out on to the bridge. 
 When about half way across I looked around to see if 
 any one was watching and then dropped the bag over 
 the rail into the river. I never heard of it again. 
 
 In this way I began my twenty-first year and a few 
 days later I was destined to go yet further along on the 
 road to Hell. 
 
 When I reached my room in C that night, I went 
 
 to bed completely tired out, but could not sleep. I 
 lay awake for hours. Somehow I realized that I stood 
 on the threshold of life, and that it was up to me to 
 decide which road I was going to take. I was respon 
 sible now for my every act and the law would act ac 
 cordingly. I knew that if I committed any more 
 crimes I could be made to suffer a severe penalty. 
 There would be no more excuses on the grounds that I 
 was not of age. 
 
 I can remember of going back over my life step by 
 step and I realized that so far I had made a terrible 
 mess of it. Father and Mother were living only a few 
 miles away, yet they did not want me and the little sis 
 ter that I had loved so much had hardly known me at 
 first when I went to the house that night and Mary 
 had not even spoken to me. 
 
N E M A N 87 
 
 I could see that dead baby s face in the shadows of 
 the room as I lay there and it would not let me sleep 
 and I can remember sobbing and crying for hours. 
 When daylight came at last I had made up my mind to 
 go on to Hell and have it done with. 
 
 That morning I went to Maud s room and sat beside 
 her, holding one of her hands in mine and talking with 
 her. She did not seem to care quite so much for me, 
 and once she spoke of the man who had been going with 
 her when I came into her life. This made me insanely 
 jealous, and coupled with my thoughts of the night be 
 fore caused me to decide to get out of town. I did not 
 want to leave until she was out of danger and ready to 
 go home. 
 
 Three days later Maud wanted to be taken home 
 and I had considerable difficulty in persuading her that 
 it would be dangerous to move her then, but she fretted 
 so much over my refusal to move her that I finally de 
 cided to risk it. 
 
 Just a week from the day her child was born I car 
 ried her in through the door of her own home and laid 
 her on her bed. I had chosen an hour when her father 
 would not be there. Her mother nearly fainted upon 
 seeing her, and it took me some little time to persuade 
 her that Maud was not in a serious condition. 
 
 I left the house immediately and to this day do not 
 know what took place between mother and daughter 
 that afternoon. 
 
 That evening when I called, her mother met me at 
 the door and silently motioned to me to go into Maud s 
 
88 O N E M A N 
 
 room. I found Maud smiling and cheerful and she 
 seemed so glad to be home again. I did not stay very 
 long and when I left the room it seemed as if the world 
 had been lifted from my shoulders. 
 
 Her mother walked to the gate with me and thanked 
 me for taking such good care of Maud, and I knew 
 then that she knew the whole story. 
 
 The next morning I again went to Maud s home and 
 she was feeling so much better that I decided to make 
 my " get-away " immediately. 
 
 That afternoon I was passing one of the banks down 
 town and the thought came to me at once, why not forge 
 my father s name to a few checks, pass them and get 
 out. I went into the bank and stood at one of the wall 
 desks looking over the blank checks in the rack. Finally 
 I selected a bank in B . The cities were close to 
 gether and the banks in each city carried blank checks 
 on all the banks in both cities. I took about two 
 dozen of the checks on the bank I had selected and 
 walked out. 
 
 That evening I bought two kinds of ink, one black and 
 one blue and practised for hours on a tablet, writing my 
 father s name like he wrote it, big and sprawling. 
 Then I practised a signature for myself so as to have 
 the two different, and when I went to bed that night, 
 there lay on the table five checks for amounts running 
 from forty to sixty dollars and signed with the forged 
 signature of my father. 
 
 The next afternoon, after banking hours I took the 
 checks and started out. I paid a little bill at a cloth- 
 
O N E M A N 89 
 
 ing store with a sixty-dollar check and received some 
 fifty-odd dollars in change. I did the same thing at 
 two other clothing stores with fifty and fifty-five-dollar 
 checks. A tailor to whom I owed ten dollars cashed a 
 forty-five-dollar check, giving me the change, and a 
 stationery store where I was acquainted cashed the 
 forty-dollar check. I had two hundred and eighteen 
 dollars in cash by five o clock and was ready to get 
 out of town. 
 
 The excitement of cashing those checks was almost 
 as much to me as the money. To see that I could take 
 away other people s money so easily dumbfounded me. 
 I had no thought of retribution and perhaps I may 
 have thought Father would make the checks good. 
 But in this case, like all of my other thieving, the pos 
 sibility of any one s really catching me at my thefts 
 never scared me. I, somehow, in common with other 
 young thieves, had an idea that I was smarter than those 
 who make a business of catching crooks. I was buck 
 ing against not only society and its laws but also 
 against a bunch of men who have been trained to catch 
 just my like. My innocent appearance and so-called 
 " engaging way " helped me more than any other one 
 thing to get away with my thefts up to this time. I 
 also had yet to learn that the law in the end usually ex 
 acts full payment for crime, particularly the crime of 
 stealing. 
 
 That evening I went up to Maud s home and sat be 
 side her bed for an hour. At last I told her I had to 
 go away for a day or two, and I left a ten-dollar bill 
 
90 ONE M A X 
 
 under her pillow with a request that she have fresh 
 flowers put in her room ever}* day. I said nothing to 
 her about the doctor s hills, which it was my duty to 
 pay. I knew that I was leaving her for good and some 
 thing within me made me hesitate at the last moment 
 before I kissed her good-bye, but it was too late then, 
 for I knew they would be after me the next day. So I 
 kissed Maud and left her with my tears on her cheek. 
 That was all that she received as the reward of our love 
 and sin. Her bravery and courage brought her no 
 reward in the way of a lasting love from the one for 
 whom she had suffered in agony and silence. 
 
 My desertion of this girl in her hour of sorrow was 
 one of the most contemptible tilings I have ever done. 
 The fact that men usually desert girls when they get 
 them into trouble was no excuse for my action. 
 
 This was my first lesson proving that an illicit and 
 sinful love never brings any lasting happiness, but on 
 the contrary only sorrow and misery. 
 
 That night I burned up everything I could not crowd 
 into a suit case and bought a ticket for Chicago. I 
 had heard a great deal of the city and felt that I could 
 lose myself there. 
 
CHAPTER XIV 
 
 UPON my arrival in Chicago, I went to a hotel 
 and registered under my own name. By this 
 time I had figured it out that my father 
 would make the checks good and consider himself rid 
 of me cheaply. 
 
 That morning when I was walking down Randolph 
 Street, I ran square into my old employer, Jack. I 
 was more than glad to see him and he greeted me very 
 cordially. He took me into a bar and bought me a 
 drink and when I came to buy I pulled out my roll, 
 which was nearly all fives and tens. He nearly fell 
 over at the sight of so much money and said that he 
 had been on the "rocks " for a month. I loaned him 
 ten dollars and he was certainly glad to get it. He 
 had a room over on the West Side but hung around 
 with me most of the time I remained in the city. 
 
 One afternoon I met a man whom I had known in 
 
 C . He was connected with a picture enlarging 
 
 house located in Chicago. After asking me what I 
 was doing in the Windy City and being told that I 
 was looking for work of some kind, he asked me to 
 come and see him the following week. In the mean 
 time, Jack and I loafed around and drank consider 
 able. 
 
 91 
 
9* O N E M A N 
 
 One evening he took me over to Custom House Place 
 and " introduced " me to a bunch of women who were 
 friends of his and inhabitants of the house. One of 
 the girls in particular, Bon Bon by name, paid consid 
 erable attention to me and before I knew it I was 
 spending a great deal of time with her. For the first 
 few visits she let me blow my money in, but after I had 
 been there a few times she would not let me spend a 
 cent. She slept with a little stiletto under her pillow 
 and I was deathly afraid that she would stab me some 
 time when she was half drunk. She treated me as nice 
 as she knew how and tried to give me money on several 
 occasions. 
 
 My money was getting low and I hunted up my 
 friend in the enlarging business. He offered me a 
 chance to go out on the road with a crew of men, so 
 liciting photo enlargements in the small towns of a 
 neighboring State. I was so near broke that I took 
 the job. He sent me away that night and I said good 
 bye to Jack, telling him I would return in a week or 
 so. 
 
 When I reached my destination I was thoroughly 
 sick of everything. The excitement of the big city 
 and the drinking and carousing around had put me in 
 poor physical condition and when I had sized up the 
 old man who had charge of the crew and noticed the 
 half starved look of the whole bunch, I did not think 
 much of the proposition. 
 
 The old man spent the next morning teaching me 
 prices and how to talk up the enlargements. In the 
 
O N E M A N 93 
 
 afternoon he took me out and showed me how he landed 
 the sales. He made six dollars during the afternoon 
 and that cheered me up a lot. 
 
 The next day he started me out, telling me to walk 
 along certain roads and work all the farm houses. It 
 was a thickly populated section and I did better than I 
 expected the first day. At night I slept at a farm 
 house, paying seventy-five cents for supper, lodging 
 and breakfast. I kept this work up for four weeks, 
 coming in to some agreed-upon meeting point with the 
 rest of the crew each Saturday night, when we were 
 allowed to draw in advance a certain portion of our 
 commissions on orders sold. 
 
 While in from my work the first Sunday, I sat down 
 and wrote a letter to Maud, telling her that she would 
 never see me again, that I was no good and that it was 
 better for her that I was down and out. This letter 
 cost me her love, as I was to find out a few years later. 
 
 Among the crew was a minister s son who lived in 
 
 E , and the next Sunday I went home with him on 
 
 the Interurban. That evening he took me over to see 
 some friends at a boarding-house and we had a very 
 good time. 
 
 After four weeks of this road work I decided to pass 
 it up, as it was getting too cold to tramp around. 
 The last week I worked I turned in in addition to my 
 legitimate orders about twenty false orders with pic 
 tures I managed to steal in homes where I had obtained 
 orders. I collected my advance commissions on all 
 these and dug out for E . Arriving there I went 
 
94 N E M A N 
 
 to the boarding-house where I had visited and engaged 
 a small room. 
 
 During this time I had no particular ambition to be 
 anything. I did not know what was going to become 
 
 of me and, in fact, did not care. I hung around E , 
 
 spending what money I had in company with a young 
 fellow whose first name was Carl. Finally we both 
 went broke. I had no overcoat and the snowstorms 
 were becoming frequent. I can remember pawning my 
 razor for twenty-five cents and I lived on that quarter 
 for two days and let Carl rustle for himself. 
 
 Carl and I were occupying one little room together 
 at this time and we owed considerable room rent. 
 Finally I became desperate. I could find no work and 
 it was awful cold. I can remember Carl and I one 
 morning standing in front of a little restaurant where 
 they made a specialty of pig sausages and wheat cakes. 
 We could see the man in the window flopping the wheat 
 cakes over and over and there was a big pan of those 
 little sausages sizzling away alongside the griddles. 
 
 We went back to the room and I looked for the rest 
 
 of the blank checks I had obtained in C . I found 
 
 them tucked away in a flap inside of my grip. 
 
 That evening after Carl had gone out I sat down 
 and practised some signatures and finally made out 
 four checks, ranging in amounts from twenty-five to 
 sixty dollars, using my father s and my own name as 
 before. 
 
 The next morning I started out to get them cashed. 
 First I went to a music teacher whom I had met at the 
 
O N E M A N 95 
 
 boarding-house and persuaded him to take me to a 
 piano store and identify me so I could get a check 
 cashed. They made him endorse it before they gave 
 me the money. Next I went to a prominent lodge 
 man and told him who I was. He looked up my fa 
 ther s name in a national list of lodge members and 
 finding it there, consented to endorse my check for me. 
 This was a forty-dollar check. 
 
 Then I went to a clothing store where I had pur 
 chased a few things before and these people cashed an 
 other check for me when I bought a hat. 
 
 In all these places I would take out a letter and un 
 pin the check from the letter while talking to the pros 
 pective victim. Between calls I would pin a new check 
 to the letter and put it back into the envelope. If any 
 one had asked to see the letter or the envelope I would 
 have been up against it. 
 
 My last call was at the men s clothing department of 
 a big department store, where I knew one of the clerks, 
 who had been a frequent visitor at the boarding-house. 
 I asked him to wait on me while I selected an overcoat 
 costing twenty dollars. When it came to paying for 
 it I pulled out the letter, unpinned the check and 
 asked him for a pen with which to endorse the check. 
 He called the manager and this man looked at me pretty 
 sharply. He asked me about the check and I told 
 him my father had sent it to me. He asked the clerk 
 if he knew me and the clerk said, " Oh yes, I know Bob 
 bie well." The manager pulled out a pencil and O. 
 K. d the check, saying, " I hope it s all right, young 
 
96 O N E M A N 
 
 man; God help you if it isn t." I endorsed the check 
 and they gave me the coat and forty dollars change. 
 Then I hurried back to the room wearing the overcoat 
 and in my pockets I had a hundred and fifty-five dol 
 lars in cash. 
 
 Carl was sitting on the bed with his head in his 
 hands. Neither of us had had anything to eat that 
 morning. I said to him, " Carl, do you remember those 
 cakes and sausages?" He looked at my overcoat and 
 said, "What do you mean? What s happened?" I 
 told him to come along with me, that we were each go 
 ing to eat about five dollars worth of grub. 
 
 I can remember how we did eat and how good every 
 thing tasted. 
 
 After we had redeemed our things in the pawnshopg 
 and returned to the room, Carl asked me where I got 
 the money and I told him my father had sent it. Then 
 I asked him if he wanted to go to Chicago and he said, 
 " You bet." 
 
 So that evening, without telling any one where we 
 were going, we took a train for Chicago. 
 
 Upon our arrival there we took a cheap room at a 
 hotel and Carl started looking for a job. He had a 
 friend connected with one of the big stores, and this 
 friend promised to put him to work in a few days. 
 
 The first thing I did was to hunt up Jack, and I 
 found him in one of his usual haunts, a basement res 
 taurant and wine room on Monroe Street. He was 
 sitting at a table with two pretty girls and when he 
 saw me, he called me over and introduced me to them. 
 
O N E M A N 97 
 
 They were sisters, one named Fay and the other Julia. 
 
 Fay in particular took my eye and it was not long 
 until we were both interested in each other. Jack and 
 I met them again that evening and after a dinner and 
 a good many drinks we took them home. When I said 
 good night to Fay we were alone in the lower hall of 
 the flat building where she and her sister lived, and 
 she put her arms around me and kissed me. 
 
 When I returned to the hotel, Carl was sitting up 
 waiting for me. He had had nothing to eat since noon, 
 so I took him out and bought him a big lunch. He 
 knew where I had spent the evening, as I had told him 
 I usually hung out around there with Jack. 
 
 The next day I spent with Jack, and he suggested 
 that I get a room near him and save hotel bills. So he 
 went with me to the hotel and there we found Carl wait 
 ing. He was angry and hungry again and wanted me 
 to loan him ten dollars. I gave it to him and told him 
 I was going away. He set up a big howl at this and 
 wanted to know what he was going to do. I told him 
 he ought to be glad he had a job waiting for him. But 
 he cringed around and still wanted to go with me. I 
 told him flatly that I could not take him with me and I 
 left him there in the hotel, a picture of misery because 
 I would not support him any longer. 
 
 Jack found a room for me on the ground floor of a 
 flat building near his room. 
 
 The next evening we took the girls out to dinner 
 and then over to my room. Jack and Julia finally went 
 over to his room leaving Fay and me alone. That girl 
 
98 O N E M A N 
 
 was a devil if ever one lived, and when I took her home 
 that night I held her in my arms a long time before I 
 would let her go upstairs. 
 
 It was getting along into the middle of November by 
 this time and my money was getting low. 
 
 Fay was coming to my room every day. She was a 
 cigarette fiend and between the two of us we had about 
 fifty empty cigarette boxes piled on a table in my room. 
 Jack was an inveterate cigarette smoker also and he 
 helped contribute to the pile of empty boxes. 
 
 He received a little money from the South once in a 
 while, but was usually broke. One thing I always ad 
 mired about him, he dressed well. 
 
 Finally I ran out of money entirely and I can re 
 member standing on Jackson Boulevard one cold, 
 drizzly morning, hungry and penniless, watching the 
 men trying to work on the new Postoffice, and envying 
 them the fact that they had work and some place to go 
 when night came. 
 
 That afternoon I locked myself in my room and 
 wrote out the last six checks I had left, filling them out 
 and signing them as before. In all this time I had heard 
 nothing from the checks passed in C and in 
 
 Somehow in these days I did not look ahead to what 
 I would do when my means of obtaining money ran out. 
 I evidently must have thought also that I could keep 
 on going the downward path forever and not get 
 caught. 
 
 The next morning I took the six checks and passed 
 
ONE MAN 99 
 
 one at a drug store; one at a stationery store where I 
 had bought some little things and had on order some 
 monogram stationery which I paid for out of the check ; 
 one in a saloon where I was known ; one in a drug store 
 near the apartment building where I roomed and the 
 other one I took to Bon Bon. 
 
 She laughed when I asked her to cash it and said, 
 " Kid, your damn check is no good to me. Get my 
 pocketbook out of the bottom of that wardrobe." I 
 got it for her and she pulled out a roll of bills, wrapped 
 the check in them and shoved the whole thing into my 
 trousers pocket. I objected to this, but she took me 
 to the door and pushed me out into the hall, saying, 
 " Kid, you re welcome to all I ve got any time. Get 
 out now, I want to sleep, but you be sure to come back 
 to-night." She was a good-hearted girl and I never 
 saw her again. There was fifty-two dollars in the roll 
 of bills. 
 
 It had taken me most of the day to pass the checks 
 and that evening the girls, together with Jack and me, 
 went on a slumming trip. We took in a lot of places 
 in the old Twenty-second Street District, and we were 
 all half drunk by twelve o clock. 
 
 Coming back we rode on the front seats of one of the 
 grip-cars, which were then running on State Street. 
 I reached in my pocket for the carfare and found that 
 my roll was gone. It sobered me in a minute and we 
 all started back to find it, but it was gone for good. I 
 don t know to this day where it went. I had thirty dol 
 lars in another pocket when I reached my room. I was 
 
100 ONE MAN 
 
 half crazed over my loss and did not know which way 
 to turn. I had figured on getting out of town with 
 that money the next day and now I was nearly broke. 
 Jack somehow did not believe that I had lost any such 
 sum, as he knew I had been broke that morning and I 
 had refused to tell him where I obtained the money. 
 
 The next morning I stopped in at the stationer s 
 and got the expensive stationery which I had paid for 
 the day before and took it over to the Monroe Street 
 place and left it at the cashier s desk. My name was 
 written on the outside of the package. 
 
 Along toward evening I went down to the restaurant 
 and waited for the others to show up. I had given up 
 hope of getting away and had about made up my mind 
 to kill myself. I wanted to see Fay, though, once 
 more. 
 
 While I sat there at a table alone I noticed a couple 
 of men walk in and sit down at a table near me and en 
 gage Jules, the head waiter, in conversation. I did 
 not pay much attention to them, although I felt awful 
 queer and uneasy, as if something were about to hap 
 pen. 
 
 Along about five-thirty Jack showed up and a little 
 later Fay came in. Julia was at home ill and unable 
 to meet us. 
 
 The three of us sat down at the table and had a 
 few drinks before we ordered the dinner. I was laugh 
 ing and talking with Fay when Jules, the head waiter, 
 came up to our table. I jumped on him for the delay 
 in serving the dinner. His face flushed and he turned 
 
ONE MAN 101 
 
 away stammering out something abont 5< seeing : ti> it." 
 I was puzzling over this when a heavy, thick-set man 
 stepped up to our table. 
 
CHAPTER XV 
 
 THIS man still had his overcoat on and was car- 
 Tying his hat in his hand. I supposed he was 
 some friend of Jack s until he leaned over in 
 front of me, and calling me by name, asked me to step 
 to one side, as he wished to speak to me. I got up from 
 the table and stepped over behind a pillar with him. 
 He reached in his pocket, and pulling out a paper of 
 some kind said, " Robert, I ve got a warrant here for 
 you and I ll have to ask you to come with me." I al 
 most fainted, but he put out his hand and steadied me. 
 
 " All right," I said, " I ll go with you, but I have or 
 dered a dinner and these other people are my guests." 
 He hesitated a minute, then told me to go ahead with 
 the dinner and he would wait for me. He took off his 
 overcoat and sat down at a vacant table where he could 
 keep an eye on me. I had not asked him as to where I 
 was wanted, but somehow took it for granted that I was 
 under arrest for the job in C . 
 
 I went back to my table and sat down. I was very 
 weak and my hands trembled a great deal, because 
 w r hen I lifted the glass of wine which stood by my plate, 
 I spilt a lot of it on the table. Jack and Fay both 
 asked me what was the matter and I told them that 
 after dinner I had to go out on some business with the 
 
 man who was waiting. 
 
 102 
 
O N E M A N 103 
 
 We did not eat very much, as we all seemed to realize 
 in some way that I was in serious trouble of some kind. 
 
 I paid the check, and putting on our wraps we went 
 upstairs to the street. I said good night to Jack and 
 kissed Fay. I knew somehow that it would be many 
 days until I saw her again. 
 
 The detective, for such he proved to be, walked with 
 me over to the Central Station, and on the way over 
 asked me if I was not glad that the worry was over and 
 I was to go back North. I told him " Yes," thinking 
 he meant C . 
 
 When we reached the Central Station, he took me to 
 the chief s office and a man who sat at a big roll-top 
 desk asked me my name and age and who my folks 
 were and a lot of other questions which I answered. 
 Then he told me that I had been " picked up " for the 
 
 police of E , where I was wanted for obtaining 
 
 money under false pretences. My heart sank when I 
 heard this and I began to sob. I had thought all the 
 
 time that I was going back to C , where my folks 
 
 would get me out of trouble. Instead of this, I was 
 going further away from them and among total stran 
 gers. 
 
 The official spoke to me in a kindly way and said he 
 was sorry but they would have to lock me up to await 
 
 the arrival of the E officer, who would be there 
 
 the next day. At the same time, he asked me if I 
 would go back without extradition papers and I said 
 " Yes." 
 
 They then searched me and took everything out of 
 
104 ONE MAN 
 
 my pockets. I only had twelve dollars and they took 
 all of this except two dollars, telling me the balance 
 would be returned the next day when I went North. 
 I asked the man at the desk to telegraph my father 
 and he said he would. 
 
 I found out years afterward how, when the telegram 
 reached home very late at night, Father was in bed, 
 sick. He got up and dressed, and as the suburban 
 cars had stopped running, he had to walk two miles 
 through the deep snow to one of the lines that ran 
 all night so that he could get to the newspaper offices 
 in time to prevent any items appearing in the morning 
 papers. Mother has told me how heartbroken he ap 
 peared when he reached home. 
 
 After the men in the office were through questioning 
 me, the official told the detective to take me downstairs 
 and lock me up. He took me downstairs and through a 
 long corridor to a big, dark cell. He said I would find 
 a cot in the corner and some blankets, and for me to 
 lie down and go to sleep. The turnkey gave me some 
 water and locked me in. After they had been gone a 
 while, the turnkey came back and asked if there was 
 anything I wanted. I gave him a dollar and asked him 
 to get me a couple of packages of cigarettes. After a 
 while he returned with the cigarettes and the change 
 and I gave him a fifty-cent tip. He thanked me and 
 gave me a bunch of matches. 
 
 It was pitch dark in the cell, and while there was an 
 electric light hanging in the corridor, the wide iron 
 crossbars in the cell door kept out all the light. 
 
ONE MAN 105 
 
 I had taken off my hat and coat and after I was left 
 alone, lit a match so as to examine the interior of the 
 cell. It contained nothing but a tin bucket, a tin cup 
 and an iron cot with a cheap, dirty mattress and a dirty 
 blanket. The walls and floor were of stone and the 
 place smelled terrible. 
 
 The shock of my being arrested had not yet worn 
 off, but after I had walked back and forth for an hour 
 and smoked several cigarettes I quieted down consid 
 erable. 
 
 Suddenly a full realization of the horror of it all 
 came over me like a flash and I dropped to my knees 
 on the stone floor. I moaned and sobbed and prayed, 
 asking God to take me out of there and let me be a 
 man. I have suffered much in the years since, but the 
 agony of that night stands out above all my other suf 
 fering. It seemed as the hours crept on that I would 
 become insane. In my agony I threw my hands above 
 my head as I walked back and forth and beseeched God 
 to help me. I guess there were no other prisoners in 
 the section where I was, because no one said anything 
 to me or came near me. I tried to lie down, but I 
 could hear the rats in the cell as soon as I became 
 quiet and I was afraid of them. It was nearly morn 
 ing when I finally fell into a troubled sleep. 
 
 If my father could have walked into my cell at that 
 hour and talked to me right there, as he talked to me 
 years after, I could have gone out of there with him, 
 a man, without any further punishment. 
 
 The horror of it all was so powerful it would have 
 
106 O N E M A N 
 
 been all the lesson I needed, could I have been released 
 then, before I became hardened to prison life. 
 
 But after that morning it was too late, for my only 
 hope after that first effect wore off, lay in my working 
 out my own salvation behind the walls of the peniten 
 tiary. 
 
 There was a rattling at the cell door about seven 
 o clock and I got up to see what it was. The turnkey 
 stood there with a can of coffee and a plate containing 
 meat and potatoes. He told me he had brought 
 me an extra good breakfast. Opening the door, he 
 gave me the food and then locked me in again. I gave 
 him my other dollar and asked him to get me some more 
 cigarettes. He soon returned with them and I gave him 
 a quarter tip. I had smoked during my frenzy of the 
 night, at least a part of each of the twenty cigarettes 
 he had obtained for me when I was first locked up. I 
 ate every bit of the breakfast and after smoking a 
 cigarette, felt better. 
 
 About eight o clock the detective who had arrested 
 me came to my cell and, after looking me over, said he 
 guessed I had passed a tough night. Then he took me 
 into a wash-room, and after allowing me to clean up, 
 returned me to my cell, telling me to cheer up as the 
 officer from E would be there about ten o clock. 
 
 About nine o clock my cell door was unlocked and I 
 was told to " come out of there." I came out and 
 stood in front of a big, burly detective and some busi 
 ness man. The business man looked at me closely and 
 the detective said, "Is that the crook?" The man 
 
O N E M A N 107 
 
 said " No," and the detective pushed me into the cell 
 and locked the door. Then I began to fear that the 
 Chicago people on whom I had passed the other checks 
 would see the news in the paper and come to identify 
 me, but no one came. 
 
 At eleven o clock the detective from E arrived 
 
 and came to my cell to talk with me. He asked me if 
 I was willing to go back with him without any trouble, 
 and I told him " Yes." Then he said he would go to 
 my room with the detective who had arrested me and 
 get my things, and I asked him to also get the package 
 of stationery I had left at the restaurant. He smiled 
 and said, " Yes, but I shouldn t think you would want 
 to see that package again. That is what identified 
 you." 
 
 It seems that a few days before Carl had written to 
 the boarding-house at E concerning some laun 
 dry, and asked them to forward it to him. Of course, 
 the police had already been there looking for me and 
 found that we both had left at the same time. So 
 when his letter arrived, the landlady called up the po 
 lice and they at once communicated with the Chicago 
 police, instructing them to get hold of Carl. After a 
 little persuasion he told them where I formerly hung 
 out and when they inquired for me at the restaurant, 
 the cashier showed them the package with my name on 
 it and told them I had left it there saying I would call 
 for it. 
 
 About three in the afternoon, the detectives returned 
 with my things. They came to my cell and took me up- 
 
108 ONE MAN 
 
 stairs, saying that it was no wonder I was in jail if I 
 had smoked all the cigarettes that had been in the 
 empty boxes which they found in my room. As we 
 were passing along the corridor in the basement, I no 
 ticed in a little room to my left two men holding a 
 rough-looking young fellow while another man was try 
 ing to photograph him. The detective from E 
 
 asked the local man if they had " mugged " me and 
 he told him they had not as yet. He then told him to 
 never mind, as perhaps the matter would be fixed up. 
 I pricked up my ears at this remark and began to have 
 a little hope. 
 
 When we arrived at the office upstairs, they gave me 
 back the things they had taken the night before, with 
 
 the exception of my knife, which Detective A said 
 
 he would keep until we reached E . 
 
 They put me into a patrol wagon, and the two de 
 tectives got in with me. We rode to the depot, where 
 
 the local man watched me while A purchased the 
 
 tickets. After I had said good-bye to the local de 
 tective, we boarded the train. A made me sit 
 
 next to the window and said he hoped that I would see 
 the wisdom of not attempting to escape. I told him 
 he needn t fear that and so in this manner we returned 
 to E , arriving there late at night. 
 
CHAPTER XVI 
 
 UPON our arrival at E we found the pa 
 trol wagon awaiting us and I was at once 
 taken to the Central Station, where I was 
 searched and then locked in a cell. 
 
 In the morning, after the usual station-house break 
 fast, I was taken to the police court. There some one 
 read the complaint, which charged me with obtaining 
 forty dollars in cash and an overcoat on a check which 
 had been returned marked, " No account." I remem 
 bered then the words of the department store man 
 ager. 
 
 Detective A whispered to me to plead " Not 
 
 guilty," and I did so and was then bound over to the 
 District Court under fifteen hundred dollar bonds. 
 
 After we left the court room A took me into a 
 
 big room where a lot of detectives were standing around. 
 
 The officer in charge talked to A a few moments 
 
 and then turned to the men, telling them to take a good 
 look at me. He also told them my name and why I 
 was under arrest. 
 
 After this he told A to take me " upstairs." I 
 
 was taken upstairs into another big room fitted up as 
 a photo gallery and here I was photographed in two 
 
 positions, front view and profile. Then I was meas- 
 
 109 
 
110 ONE MAN 
 
 ured by the Bertillon system. I could not under 
 stand this action, in view of what A had said in 
 
 the station at Chicago, and I asked him why they 
 " mugged " me. He simply said it was customary. 
 Those two pictures of mine were in the Rogues Gallery 
 
 at E for two years, and copies of them were sent 
 
 to many of the larger cities throughout the country. 
 
 Detective A then told me he was going to take 
 
 me to the county jail and that he would not hand 
 cuff me, but cautioned me not to try to escape. I can 
 remember how suggestively he patted his overcoat 
 pocket as he said it. 
 
 At the county jail I was thoroughly searched and 
 
 then locked in a cell. Detective A left, telling me 
 
 not to worry, as my folks would probably square up 
 the matter. Somehow I did not have much hope of 
 this, on account of the fact that they had let the checks 
 come back to E . 
 
 About eleven o clock the under-sheriff came to my 
 cell, and entering, asked me all about my trouble. I 
 told him the whole story. He sympathized with me 
 and said he would send up writing materials so that I 
 could write to my folks right away. 
 
 Just before noon I was taken to a bathroom and al 
 lowed to bathe, after which the jail doctor examined me 
 and said I was in need of medical attention, which was 
 given me. 
 
 I was then taken to a very large cell, which was usu 
 ally used for holding important witnesses. It was 
 equipped with hot and cold water, electric lights and 
 
ONE MAN 111 
 
 other modern conveniences, together with a comfortable 
 cot, two chairs and a table. 
 
 At noon I was given a pan of boiled meat, several 
 slices of bread and a big cup of jail coffee. These 
 things were shoved through an opening in the cell door. 
 
 That afternoon I wrote to my folks asking them to 
 help me. This letter I had to leave unsealed, so that 
 the under-sheriff could read it. The rules of the jail 
 required that all letters written or received by the pris 
 oners be read by the under-sheriff. 
 
 The daily routine in jail was very simple. In the 
 morning we were awakened by a gong in the corridor, 
 and at Seven o clock received a small pail of coffee and 
 all the bread we wanted. At noon we received a pan of 
 stewed or boiled meat, together with brea d and coffee, 
 and at night bread and coffee. I was furnished with 
 reading matter, but spent most of my time pacing the 
 floor. 
 
 It took several days for a reply to come from home, 
 and in the meantime a young man belonging to one of 
 the church societies came to my cell to see me. I be 
 came well acquainted with him and told him my story. 
 He took a great interest in me and was very good to 
 me, giving me a Bible and coming to see me every day. 
 
 Out of all the hundreds of so-called Christian men 
 whom I have met, Ed was one of the very few I have 
 found to be absolutely sincere and unselfish. He held 
 a poorly paid position in a railway office and supported 
 a mother and sister. All his spare time was devoted 
 to helping others. 
 
ONE MAN 
 
 When the letters from home arrived the under-sheriff 
 brought them to me and before he gave them to me 
 told me to cheer up and be a man. 
 
 There were two letters, one from Father and one 
 from Mother. In Father s letter, which was very 
 short and began with " Robert," he simply said that 
 he was sorry, but I would have to take my medicine 
 and that he hoped I would profit by the lesson. He 
 also said he could not afford to settle with the people 
 who had cashed my checks. The letter was written on a 
 typewriter and signed with his typewritten initials 
 only. 
 
 Mother s letter was long and contained many re 
 proaches. She, too, wrote that they were unable to 
 pay the people I had robbed, and that she was very 
 sorry for me and hoped that the judge would not give 
 me the long sentence. Also she hoped that when I was 
 released I would go somewhere and begin life anew. 
 
 I think that what little good there was left in me 
 passed out of my life entirely as I read those letters. 
 They were able to repay every cent I had obtained and 
 those who had been defrauded were wiUing to settle. 
 My father s influence would have saved me from any 
 sentence after the complaints had been adjusted. Of 
 course, my parents were disgusted with me and I sup 
 pose they had lost all hope of my ever being of any 
 value as a man. I often think that their anger over 
 being disgraced and shamed by my arrest was the real 
 reason for their not giving me any assistance in my 
 hour of trouble. 
 
ONE MAN 113 
 
 But, please God, if anything like this should ever 
 come to any son of mine, I would forget self-pride 
 and family pride and I would even sell the clothes from 
 off my back before I would ever let him enter the doors 
 of a penitentiary. I would do almost anything to 
 save him. For once a man enters the big doors of a 
 State s prison, as a convicted criminal, he leaves hehind 
 him forever that cloak of visible honor which is given 
 to us all equally at birth. No wealth, no prayer, in 
 fact nothing can ever make him as he was before he 
 enters the City of the Dead. He enters the doors as 
 a man even though he be battered and a wreck, but he 
 emerges a Thing, haunted day and night through the 
 rest of his life by his secret. Any hour, no matter 
 how many years he has striven to make good, his se 
 cret may become public and he becomes in the sight of 
 practically all the world a Thing to be shunned and 
 avoided. His real right to be a husband and a father 
 is taken from him forever, for what clean, decent man- 
 soul with the brand of " ex-convict " wants to be the 
 father of little innocent children w r ho could some day 
 be made to suffer too as a result of the father s old mis 
 take? Crime should be punished without doubt, but 
 at my age and under the existing circumstances I could 
 not by any process of imagination have been wisely 
 deemed a criminal in the true sense of the word. 
 
 And if my parents were to give me a million to 
 morrow it would not help one bit. Nothing, absolutely 
 nothing, can erase that terrible stain which spreads 
 through and through, even to the last little letter of 
 
114 ONE MAN 
 
 my name. The tears, the misery, the prayers, the hard 
 work and struggles of ten years have not changed it. 
 
 And one man, born no better than I, but seated on a 
 high, wooden throne by a political power, had the au 
 thority to tear from me, a fellow-man, my last weapon 
 of defence, my only remaining asset my name. And 
 his authority did not cease there, for he placed on 
 parents, on sisters, and on children yet unborn a last 
 ing shame. Still it is the law. 
 
 No man living knows or can know, by any process 
 of reasoning or imagination, what the ex-convict feels, 
 unless he, himself, has paid the price of knowing, which 
 is serving time. No man has lost his reputation un 
 til the law takes it from him. Until that hour he can 
 always rebuild, and wipe out his former indiscretions. 
 
 No one living man to-day has the ability to prop 
 erly judge as to just how much punishment any fellow- 
 man should suffer. 
 
 I wrote to my folks and told them I was sorry to 
 learn that they would not help me and that I would not 
 bother them any more. I also told them I was going to 
 plead guilty when my case came up. 
 
 When Ed read the letters, he cried with me and said 
 he would write to my folks, which he did, but with no 
 
 better results. Then I wrote to the judge in C 
 
 and asked him to give me a letter which I could show 
 to the judge who would sentence me. 
 
 He wrote me a very dignified letter, stating that I had 
 always been a good boy up to that time and that he 
 hoped the judge who sentenced me would take into con- 
 
ONE MAN 115 
 
 sideration my family and all the circumstances con 
 nected with the case and a lot of other stuff. 
 
 By this time I had decided to plead guilty and had 
 said so to the county attorney. I had no money for 
 a lawyer, anyway. He said this was the best thing I 
 could do. It would save the expense of their having 
 
 to send for some one connected with the bank in B 
 
 to be present at my trial and by his testimony prove 
 that my father had no account in that bank at the 
 time I issued the check, and that besides this the sig 
 nature was a forgery. My pleading guilty, he said, 
 would help to get me a short sentence. 
 
 As the time drew near for my appearance in court 
 and we found out which judge was to hear my case, 
 Ed wrote to Father begging him to write a letter to 
 the judge asking him to be lenient with me. 
 
 Father wrote a short letter addressed to the judge, 
 telling him that I was, no doubt, sick in mind and body 
 when I passed the checks, and went on to say that he 
 hoped the judge would take into consideration my 
 youth and my family. The letter was a cold one and 
 I did not have much hope of its doing any good. 
 
 In the meantime, I told Ed of all my other forgeries, 
 giving him the names of the victims and the amounts. 
 I did not know why he wanted these details, but I was 
 to learn later. 
 
 Soon I received another letter from Mother and also 
 a Bible. She asked me to read a little in it every day. 
 I was in a hopeless mood all this time and had no care 
 as to what was to become of me. 
 
116 ONE MAN 
 
 A few people came to look at me through the bars, 
 among them the music teacher and the former land 
 lady, who seemed horrified to see one of her former 
 lodgers behind the bars. I refused to talk to any one 
 except Ed and the jailers. 
 
 Christmas came and the only present I received came 
 from Ed. Mother sent me a little card containing 
 some good wishes for the season. We had a chicken 
 dinner that day. 
 
 New Year s Day the prisoners were treated to a 
 concert by the choir from Ed s church. One of the la 
 dies stood in the corridor near my cell and sang " The 
 Ninety and Nine " in a beautiful voice. I cried my 
 self to sleep that night. 
 
 On the afternoon of January the sixth, I was hand 
 cuffed to another prisoner, and together with three 
 other couples, similarly cuffed, was taken to court by 
 deputy sheriffs. 
 
 It was a cloudy, gloomy afternoon, and the streets 
 were filled with snow and slush. 
 
 Upon our arrival at the court room we were con 
 ducted to a long bench up near the judge s desk. Our 
 handcuffs were unfastened and we sat back to await the 
 calling of the cases. 
 
 I looked down the row of men sitting on the bench 
 with me and noticed what a tough-looking lot they 
 were. I was the youngest in the row. 
 
 There were only a few spectators in the court room 
 and I did not even look at them. 
 
CHAPTER XVII 
 
 SOME one rapped with a gavel and called a name 
 and the deputy sheriff sitting beside me told me 
 to stand up. A man read the complaint against 
 me and I was told to plead. I hesitated a minute, and 
 then, looking up at the judge, who was sizing me up, 
 I answered in a clear voice, " Guilty." 
 
 The judge, who was a big man, sat back in his chair 
 and looked at me steadily for a moment, then, calling 
 me by my first name, said, " Robert, why did you do 
 this?" 
 
 I told him I was cold and hungry and without work 
 at the time and had signed my father s name to the 
 checks to get money to live on. 
 
 The judge then asked me what my father said about 
 this thing. From an inside pocket I took the bunch of 
 letters which Ed had arranged for me and handed them 
 to a court attache who gave them to the judge. He 
 took them and read them over slowly. 
 
 Meanwhile I stood there, looking across the court 
 room to the windows. I could see the rain falling out 
 side and the dirty smoke blowing from the chimneys 
 on the buildings across the street. The tears started 
 to come, but I gritted my teeth and held myself in as 
 best I could. 
 
 117 
 
118 O N E M A N 
 
 The judge looked up at last and said, " Robert, I 
 am sorry for you, but I think you need a lesson. I 
 
 will sentence you to the penitentiary at M for the 
 
 term of two years. I sincerely hope you will make a 
 man of yourself yet and be an honor to your parents." 
 
 I sat down in my seat and the man next to me was 
 told to stand up. I can remember nothing that was 
 said to him, nor can I remember any of his answers. 
 The tears were rolling down my cheeks, and I had all I 
 could do to keep from putting my hands up to my face. 
 
 A few moments later I was told to stand up, and 
 after I had been cuffed to the man next to me, a dep 
 uty led us out and back to the jail. Upon our arrival 
 there, the under-sheriff came up to my cell and handed 
 me the letters I had given the judge. Then he took 
 my razor from the stationary wash basin and after 
 telling me to bear up like a man, locked my door and 
 left me alone. 
 
 I threw myself down on the bed and lay there, sob 
 bing and crying until Ed came at supper time. They 
 locked him in the cell with me and he stayed all evening. 
 His talk with me did have an influence on me and just 
 before he left we both kneeled down beside my cot and 
 prayed. After the prayer I calmed down and felt 
 much better. I have never forgotten that prayer of 
 Ed s. I believe that I could repeat it word for word 
 to-day. Never have I heard any one pray with such 
 faith and conviction. His words seemed to make me 
 know that God anyway had not deserted me and that 
 my sentence was all for the best. Ed was the only 
 
O N E M A N 119 
 
 man who had ever exerted a good influence over me. 
 
 That night I wrote to my folks, to Jack, and to Fay, 
 telling them I was going away for a couple of years 
 and giving them my address. 
 
 The next morning I was told to get ready to go to 
 the penitentiary. I packed up my few belongings and 
 the under-sheriff gave me my suit case and the few dol 
 lars which remained of my money. The overcoat they 
 sent back to the department store. Ed came to the 
 jail and said good-bye to me and hurried back to work 
 with a promise that he would write and would come to 
 see me later. 
 
 One of the deputies was to take me to M , and 
 
 after fastening a handcuff to my right hand he told 
 me that he would not fasten me to him, but would sim 
 ply hold the other cuff in his hand and that I should 
 walk close to him so people would not know I was a 
 prisoner. 
 
 He had suggested that we walk to the depot, saying 
 it would be some time before I would again look upon 
 the busy streets of a big city. I was glad of the chance 
 and we walked slowly to the depot. One or two peo 
 ple noticed the glint of the handcuffs as we were jos 
 tled by the crowds and turned to look at us. I had the 
 suit case in my left hand, and having the cuff on my 
 right and without the use of that hand, somehow could 
 not walk easily. 
 
 When we reached the station we went to the ticket 
 window in the big waiting-room. There was a brass 
 railing, inside of which people were filing past the win- 
 
120 ONE MAN 
 
 dow and purchasing their tickets. The deputy let go 
 of his part of the handcuff and told me to stand out 
 side the railing while he stepped into the line and pur 
 chased our tickets. 
 
 The sun was shining brightly that morning, and 
 now that I knew that I had to go to the penitentiary 
 and that the suspense was over, I felt much better. I 
 stood there in the sunlight which streamed through the 
 windows, waiting for the deputy to get the tickets, 
 and before I noticed what I was doing, I was swinging 
 the other handcuff, which was fastened to the one on 
 my hand by a short steel chain. The flash of the 
 metal in the sunlight caught the eye of an old lady 
 sitting on one of the long benches in front of me. The 
 look of horror that came over her face caused me to 
 notice what I was doing. I can remember smiling bit 
 terly at her "expression, and the thought came to me 
 that pity usually comes too late. 
 
 Shortly after the train got under way the " news 
 butcher " came along and the deputy offered me a 
 cigar which I refused, saying that I had cigarettes. 
 He told me I would have to smoke them up on the train 
 as I would not be allowed to smoke in the penitentiary. 
 The " news butcher " tried to sell me a railway guide 
 but the deputy laughingly told him it would be con 
 siderably out of date by the time I took my next ride. 
 
 We reached M early in the afternoon and took 
 
 a hack to the prison. Upon arrival at the place I 
 stepped out of the hack first and stood looking up at 
 the big building while the deputy paid the bill. At 
 
O N E M A N 
 
 that moment it seemed to me that the prison itself filled 
 the entire universe. It was a big, white building with 
 a high tower in the centre and a long wing extending 
 on each side filled with countless little windows. The 
 whole appearance and air of the place filled me with 
 horror. It seemed as if I did not have strength enough 
 left to walk up the long walk leading to the entrance. 
 
 The deputy told me to come along and I started up 
 the walk with him. When we were nearly up to the 
 door I turned around to take a last look at the " out- 
 of-doors." It was a beautiful day and I stood there a 
 moment looking up at the sky and taking deep breaths 
 of fresh air. Then I turned and walked up the steps 
 and through the door with the deputy. 
 
CHAPTER XVIII 
 
 I WAS first taken to the warden s office, where my 
 complete record was written out and all my per 
 sonal property taken from me. 
 
 Then I was taken through a hall and up a flight of 
 steps to a big steel-barred door. I could see through 
 these bars into a big room where a man in uniform sat 
 reading. He saw us at the door and came over. After 
 he had examined the commitment papers he unlocked 
 the big door with a big key and let us in, shutting and 
 locking it after us. 
 
 The clang of that big door closing made me shudder 
 from head to foot. Many a weary day was destined 
 to pass before I should again hear its clang. 
 
 The walls on two sides of this room were composed 
 of vertical steel bars placed about four inches apart. 
 The cell blocks in the two main prison wings could be 
 seen through these bars. On the wall of this room, 
 which was called the guard room, were gun racks, par 
 tially filled with Winchesters. The sight of these guns 
 brought me my first realization of how serious my posi 
 tion was. 
 
 We were taken across the guard room to a smaller 
 door, which was also opened with a big key. Passing 
 
 through this door, which was quickly locked behind us, 
 
 122 
 
ONE MAN 
 
 we went down a winding iron stair to a corridor and, 
 turning to our right, we entered the executive office of 
 the prison proper. 
 
 In passing down these stairs, I noticed for the first 
 time the prison smell. There is no other odor like it 
 on earth. It almost overpowered me and it was many 
 days before I became accustomed to it. 
 
 In the office my commitment papers were delivered 
 to the deputy warden and I was again subjected to a 
 thorough search. 
 
 The deputy-sheriff then shook hands and, telling me 
 to be a good boy, went back up the winding stair. I 
 was sorry to see him go as he seemed to be the last 
 link connecting me with the outside world. 
 
 I was next taken to a bath room by a convict trusty 
 and made to bathe in an old galvanized iron tub and 
 given one little, rough towel with which to dry my 
 body. Then I sat shivering until a bundle of clothes 
 was brought to me. I was told to dress and be quick 
 about it. 
 
 The underwear was coarse and rough and looked like 
 a suit of overalls. The socks were thick and heavy 
 and came half way to my knees. The shirt was dark 
 blue with fine white lines in it. The coat, vest and 
 trousers were of a heavy grey cloth and about two 
 sizes too large for me but I got into them as best I 
 could. The shoes were the coarsest, roughest things I 
 had ever seen and fastened with buckles. They were 
 at least three sizes too large and hurt my feet from the 
 minute I put them on. 
 
ONE M A N 
 
 After I had dressed myself, I was taken to the prison 
 barber shop by a trusty and was shaved and had my 
 hair cut by one of the prison barbers. There were five 
 of them in the room with a guard watching them. It 
 seemed so queer not to hear a word spoken by any one. 
 From there I was taken to the tailor shop where I was 
 measured for clothes and shoes and given a heavy grey 
 cap. I was then returned to the executive office and 
 told to sit down on a bench. It was while returning to 
 the office that I saw something which I have never for 
 gotten. 
 
 Standing a short way down the corridor talking to 
 a guard, was a little grey-haired man dressed in stripes. 
 The feeling of horror and revulsion which came over 
 me was terrible. I could not believe that a human be 
 ing could look like that old man did. 
 
 About five o clock I was taken through the corridor 
 to a short, wide flight of steps, down these and along a 
 wide corridor. On one side of me was the whitewashed 
 inner wall of the cell house and on the other side was 
 the whitewashed cell block just filled with row upon 
 row of narrow, steel doors opening onto narrow gal 
 leries. It was getting dusk and I could not see into 
 the cells. I was led clear to the end of the cell block 
 and then up a little flight of stairs to a gallery and 
 along this until the trusty ahead of me stopped, pulled 
 open a cell door and motioned for me to go in. When 
 I stepped in he closed the door after me. 
 
 It was dark and I could not see but I found a little 
 stool inside and sat down on it for a few minutes. The 
 
ONE MAN 125 
 
 place smelled horribly. I explored around and found 
 a steel cot folded up against the wall, a heavy tin 
 bucket with a wooden cover and a shelf upon which 
 were a tin wash basin and two big tin cups. The cell 
 was about four feet wide and eight feet long and I 
 could stand up without my head quite touching the 
 ceiling. The walls were of stone covered with a rough 
 plaster and the floor and ceiling were of wood. 
 
 In about half an hour my door was pulled open by a 
 guard and I was told to go to the big table in the cor 
 ridor and get my supper. I found a long table piled 
 high with loaves of bread and little tins of sauce. A 
 big convict was standing behind the table cutting the 
 bread in thick slices, and a guard who was standing 
 beside him told me to take what bread I wanted and one 
 tin of sauce and get back to my cell. I did as directed 
 and the guard who had remained on the gallery shut 
 my door but did not lock it. A few minutes later I 
 heard the marching of many men down the steps, 
 through the corridor and up on to the galleries. I 
 stood inside my door peering down at them through the 
 steel slats. There were hundreds of men walking along 
 in single file, stopping only long enough at the table, 
 which was just below me, to grab some bread and one 
 of the tins. The sight of all these men seemed to 
 hearten me a lot. There were only a few in stripes, 
 the majority wearing grey clothes like those given me. 
 
 A few minutes later I heard a peculiar sound which 
 seemed to fill the big corridor, " Clickety clack," 
 " Clickety clack," coming nearer all the time. Finally 
 
126 O N E M A N 
 
 a guard stopped at my door and I saw he had a big 
 key in his hand. " Hey," he said, " where s your 
 light? " I told him I did not know. He looked up at 
 the top of the door and said, " Oh, I see. Feel around 
 on that back wall and you ll find an electric light. 
 Turn it on." Sure enough I found it and turned it on. 
 Then he told me to pull my door shut and hold it until 
 he locked it. 
 
 A few minutes later I heard a little noise at the door 
 and, looking up, saw a long tin spout sticking through 
 between the slats and a whisper floated in, " Say, you 
 fresh fish, put a cup on the shelf here on the door." 
 I got a cup and put it on the little shelf which was fas 
 tened down low on the inside of the door. The trusty 
 tipped up the can he was carrying and filled my cup 
 with so-called coffee. A few minutes later along came 
 another trusty with a big can of water and filled my 
 wash basin and my other cup. 
 
 I ate my supper with a relish and let down my cot. 
 I found it equipped with a straw tick, two sheets, a 
 blanket and a pillow. I lay down on the bed and 
 stretched out my aching body. While lying there I 
 happened to look at the door. Two fingers were 
 hooked through one of the openings and I could see 
 that some one was standing there looking in at me. I 
 did not know it at the time, but that little fellow was 
 destined to be my best friend, among all those convicts. 
 
 About seven o clock that evening my door was un 
 locked by a guard who told me to come to the office 
 with him. Here I was given two sets of printed rules 
 
O N E M A N 127 
 
 and sent to the doctor s office. He examined me and, 
 after giving me some medicine, told me to come in every 
 morning and noon at sick call. I was then taken back 
 to my cell and locked in for the night. I read the 
 rules all over a couple of times and when the lights 
 went out tumbled into bed. 
 
 That night was a horror as the cell was running over 
 with vermin. I did not sleep much and every hour 
 or so some one would come sneaking up to my door and 
 flash a light into my cell. It was a night guard mak 
 ing his usual rounds. 
 
 At the clang of the bell in the morning I jumped up, 
 washed and dressed, turned out my light and stood 
 with my hand on the door as the rules directed. The 
 guard came along unlocking the doors and when I heard 
 the two raps on the gallery railing, which signified that 
 the convicts on our gallery should open their doors, 
 I grabbed the tin bucket and stepped out into the 
 line. 
 
 We filed out around the corner of the building to a 
 big square filled with men flushing out hundreds of 
 buckets. Placing ours on the edge of the square, we 
 took up the march to the dining-room. 
 
 It was just dawn and I took a look around me. We 
 were in a big yard surrounded on three sides by high 
 stone walls on top of which were stationed guards who 
 paced back and forth carrying rifles. The fourth side 
 was taken up by the penitentiary administration build 
 ing and cell houses. The yard was about a block 
 square and contained many big work shops. There 
 
128 ONE MAN 
 
 was also a big lawn, in the centre of which was a big 
 flower bed covered over with straw and burlap. 
 
 The sight of all those men marching in single file 
 across that yard in the early light of the dawn seemed 
 all of a sudden to drag me down to the lowest levels of 
 life. The expression on the faces of those around me 
 was one of utter hopelessness and as we marched into 
 the dining-room through a haze of smoke and steam 
 from the kitchens, I felt as if I were indeed among the 
 lost. 
 
 The men filed into the big room and seated themselves 
 on low stools in front of tables which were only fifteen 
 inches wide and extended half across the room to a cen 
 tre aisle. At each place were set a plate, two bowls, a 
 knife, fork and spoon. The men were crowded close 
 together in rows, all facing the front of the room, and 
 in the early light of morning were a hard-looking 
 crowd. Guards stood in the centre aisle and around 
 the sides of the room. Each one carried a heavy cane 
 and down in the front part of the room on a raised 
 platform stood the deputy warden. Trusties passed 
 along between the rows of men, dishing out boiled pota 
 toes, bread, water, a thick gravy and coffee. There 
 was not a word spoken during the meal. 
 
 At a signal from the deputy, the men got up and 
 started marching to the shops by companies. When I 
 reached the door I was pulled out of the line and old 
 to go to sick call. The doctor doped me up and I was 
 then sent after my bucket, upon which was painted a 
 number corresponding to my cell number, and told to 
 
ONE M A N 129 
 
 go to my cell. At noon I was sent to the dining-room 
 early and had more potatoes, some spoiled meat, gravy, 
 bread and water. At night I went through the same 
 performance as on the previous night. 
 
 I followed this routine for three days, when upon re 
 turning to my cell one morning I found my new clothes 
 and shoes. A guard later came to my cell and told me 
 to change my clothes and come to the office, bringing 
 the old clothes with me. The new ones fitted nicely 
 and I was glad to get shoes that did not hurt me so 
 much. I took the old clothes to the office and was then 
 questioned as to what kind of work I had done. The 
 deputy asked me if I could sing and I told him that I 
 had sung in a church choir. 
 
 Finally he told me he would assign me to the shop 
 where they made garden tools and that my cell would be 
 changed that day so I would be among the men work 
 ing in that particular shop. I was then taken to the 
 prison photograph gallery and photographed again, 
 profile and front view. This time they hung a little 
 steel frame around my neck and inserted some numbers 
 in it so that my prison number would show in the pic 
 tures. I did not know what this number was but when 
 I was taken to my new cell I saw the number 7246 
 printed on a card and stuck in a holder on the door and 
 I knew that it was I. The next afternoon I was taken 
 to the shower baths and made to bathe. 
 
 The next day was Sunday and after breakfast we 
 went to church in the prison chapel, where the chaplain 
 preached to the men. There was a prison choir made 
 
130 ONE MAN 
 
 up from among the convicts and they sang very well. 
 They were dressed a little more neatly than the main 
 body of men, wearing in addition to the regular prison 
 clothes, stand-up collars and four-in-hand ties of the 
 same dark material as their shirts. Their clothes were 
 made to measure by the prison tailors and they were 
 allowed to wear regular shoes such as are for sale in 
 any store. 
 
 Sunday we were given a better dinner, including a 
 piece of pie. A Bible had been left in my cell and I 
 spent most of the afternoon reading it. 
 
CHAPTER XIX 
 
 MONDAY morning I went to work with the men 
 in the wood-working shop. I was put at 
 work on the sander, smoothing down handles 
 for garden tools. I had to sand a certain number a 
 day as a " task." Somehow the work was not hard for 
 me and I began to take more of an interest in my sur 
 roundings. 
 
 The shop guard sat up at one end of the room on a 
 raised platform where he could see the whole shop. 
 The foreman for the contractors who hire the labor 
 from the State took a liking to me and I did not have 
 a great deal to do. The silent system was in force in 
 the prison and we were not allowed to speak to each 
 other. If we even wanted a drink of water, we had to 
 raise an arm in the air and get the keeper s nod of as 
 sent before we could leave our work. On visiting days 
 when outsiders were shown through the prison the con 
 victs were not supposed to look up from their work. 
 Our keeper often came down from the platform and 
 walked around the shop, stopping for a few words with 
 some of the men. He spent considerable time talking 
 to me and I grew to like him as much as was possible 
 under the circumstances. 
 
 Friday nights we always found clean underclothing, 
 
 131 
 
132 ONE MAN 
 
 shirts and socks in a bundle in our cells. Each sepa 
 rate piece was stamped with our number, as were our 
 clothing and shoes. Saturday mornings we carried out 
 our soiled clothing in a bundle on our way to breakfast 
 and dropped the bundle onto a big pile in the corridor. 
 
 Every Saturday each company was taken separately 
 to the bath house, which was fitted up with enough 
 showers to accommodate a whole company. There 
 each man was compelled to bathe thoroughly under the 
 watchful eye of his guard. 
 
 After I had been there a few weeks, I was put in the 
 choir and had two evenings a week for choir practice. 
 The members of the choir were allowed to talk to each 
 other at these meetings which were held in the big, 
 gloomy chapel and were always in charge of the deputy 
 warden. The organist was a young man serving a life 
 sentence for killing his wife with a flatiron. The nine 
 men in the choir included all kinds of criminals. 
 
 A few days after entering the choir I obtained per 
 mission to attend prayer meeting and this gave me two 
 other evenings a week out of my cell. I had always 
 cared a great deal for music and even the chance to 
 sing hymns at the prayer meetings meant a great deal 
 to me. Many of the men who attended these meetings 
 were sincere in their professions of faith. To hear 
 some of those old men who had been there for ten or 
 fifteen years stand up and tell of the peace which God 
 had put into their hearts would bring tears to the eyes 
 of any one with any knowledge of sorrow whatever. 
 
 The little fellow who had stood at my door the night 
 
ONE M A X 133 
 
 of my arrival was the shipping clerk in my shop and a 
 trusty. He was doing a life sentence for murder and 
 had been in prison fourteen years. Evenings he deliv 
 ered the second-class mail to the cells. 
 
 After I had been at work a while I was put to 
 helping him in the shipping room. There was no guard 
 in this room although old Pete came in every hour or 
 so and looked around. 
 
 Charlie, for that was the name of the little trusty 
 with whom I worked, was very good to me, slipping 
 many a paper and magazine into my cell evenings. 
 
 Shortly after my arrival at the prison, the letters my 
 mother had written, together with those from Fay, Ed 
 and Jack, were given to me. 
 
 Mother had become very sympathetic and was sorry 
 that she had let me go to prison. Fay wrote very 
 nicely and told me she would " wait for me until I got 
 out." Jack wrote a very righteous letter, saying he 
 hoped I would profit by the lesson. He expressed sur 
 prise at what he called my vicious conduct. This was 
 the thanks I received for spending my money on him. 
 Ed wrote in cheerful vein and promised to come and see 
 me before long. 
 
 I was allowed to write one four-page letter a week. 
 The first I wrote was to Mother, telling her how I was 
 getting along. I also wrote to Ed the first chance I 
 had. Mother sent me some magazines and promised to 
 send more every month, which she did. 
 
 Each man in prison was given a plug and a half of 
 chewing tobacco each week. These plugs were very 
 
134. ONE M A N 
 
 small and made up in the prison. My craving for 
 cigarettes was terrible and finally I began chewing to 
 bacco. We were not allowed to smoke anything, al 
 though some of the men obtained cigarette papers and 
 smoking tobacco via the " underground route," which 
 was worked through the free foreman and drivers for 
 the contractors. These men lived outside the prison 
 walls and some of them could be bribed to bring in stuff. 
 There was considerable silver money in circulation in 
 side the prison unknown to the officials. This money 
 was sneaked in through the free men by relatives and 
 friends outside. 
 
 The convicts were shaved weekly by the prison bar 
 bers who came through the shops with their kits. 
 
 Shortly after I came into prison Charlie gave me a 
 Prudential calendar, showing all the days, weeks and 
 months of that year and the succeeding one. I hung 
 this calendar on the wall of my cell, and each night as I 
 came in from work I marked off the day which had 
 just passed. I had figured out my " good time " al 
 lowance and found that I would be released in Septem 
 ber of the following year if I behaved myself. 
 
 The men who had money on deposit in the front office 
 were once a month allowed to buy, through a purchas 
 ing agent, a few things on what was called purchasing 
 day. This was always a great event. We were al 
 lowed to purchase liquorice, soap, toilet articles, certain 
 musical instruments, music and a few other things. 
 
 Charlie, who received a few dollars each month from 
 the contractors^ had considerable money saved and pur- 
 
ONE MAN 135 
 
 chased several little articles for me. Also on Sundays 
 he would manage to get an extra piece of pie which he 
 would cut up and slip through my cell door. 
 
 One day I was called to the office and found Ed 
 there. I was glad to see him and we visited for an hour, 
 a guard being in the room with us, but not always 
 within hearing. I asked Ed what was going to happen 
 to me when I got out as I was afraid that the other 
 
 E people and the Chicago people would get me. 
 
 He said he would write to Mother about it. He told 
 me in parting that he was glad to see such an improve 
 ment in me. 
 
 The Summer was one long period of suffering from 
 the heat. Sundays especially were terrible as we had 
 to stay in our cells most of the day. Many a Sunday 
 afternoon I have stripped and, spreading a newspaper 
 on the floor, have lain there all afternoon with my head 
 close to the holes in the cell door, trying to get a breath 
 of fresh air. 
 
 Late in the Fall of that year I began to be affected 
 by the prayer meetings and began to read and study my 
 Bible in a thorough manner. Every night since enter 
 ing the prison, I had kneeled down and asked God to 
 help me, to bless my folks and those around me. My 
 suffering and the lesson of those about me was begin 
 ning to have an effect. 
 
 I had to wage a constant warfare against the ver 
 min in the cell and many a night I have been wakened 
 by the rats running across my face. I did not sleep 
 well, anyway. On one side of me slept a nigger lifer 
 
136 ONE MAN 
 
 who had killed a white girl and on the other side was 
 a man sent up for highway robbery. I have been 
 wakened many a night by the screams of the nigger 
 when he would see in his dreams the face of the girl he 
 had killed. There were many in my section of the cell 
 block who in their dreams would hear things and see 
 things out of their pasts. Once in a while some poor 
 devil would go insane. Usually the attack would come 
 on at night, and in the noise of getting him out every 
 one would wake up. Then there would be howling and 
 yelling and cursing from the awakened convicts. 
 
 Then again there would be evenings when things 
 would not be so bad. We were allowed to read or play 
 certain musical instruments every evening until eight 
 thirty, when the lights went out. It was surprising 
 to see the number of men who loved music and who 
 played some instrument. We had a violinist on our 
 gallery who was one of the finest musicians I have ever 
 heard. There was also a lifer who played the cello. 
 For ten years he had lived crowded into that little tiny 
 cell with his cello. He played beautifully, and many an 
 evening when he was playing I have heard the others 
 gradually cease playing until there was no other sound 
 in the place. Even the guards were still. Many a 
 time since have I paid three dollars to hear playing 
 that could nowhere near equal his. 
 
 Charlie told me one day that he had often seen the 
 old fellow sitting there in his cell playing and the tears 
 rolling down his cheeks. Charlie said he always seemed 
 to be talking to God through his music. 
 
N E M A N 137 
 
 Often in the still hours of the night I have heard 
 some one sobbing in his cell in an agony of repentance 
 or hopelessness. The night sounds in a prison are ter 
 rifying, and after all it is not strange that so many of 
 the convicts go insane. 
 
 The days dragged along slowly until Christmas, 
 when we were given an extra good dinner. In the aft 
 ernoon the men were turned loose in the corridors and 
 allowed to laugh and talk with each other. That night 
 the guard unlocked my cell door and Charlie slipped 
 in a package wrapped with newspaper. In this pack 
 age was half a fried chicken, half a mince pie and three 
 doughnuts. It was the only decent meal I had in all 
 those months. He would never tell me where or how he 
 obtained it. 
 
 Mother sent me two handkerchiefs for Christmas and 
 Mary sent me a little book of quotations from different 
 authors. 
 
 I spent a great deal of time evenings, marking and 
 underlining with red ink many verses in my Bible. 
 
 The first of April it became noised among the men 
 that we were to have a new warden. The old one had 
 never bothered me any, but some of the men hated him. 
 
 April the tenth a new warden was appointed and 
 after he took charge prison life took on a better aspect. 
 
 That night when the men were locked in their cells an 
 awful din arose. The convicts began beating their 
 wash basins and cups on the cell doors and howled, 
 whistled and sang until the place was a bedlam. It 
 was their way of showing their joy over the resigna- 
 
138 ONE MAN 
 
 tion of the old warden. One of the first things the new 
 warden did was to grant a half holiday every Saturday 
 in the big prison yard. We were also allowed to have 
 smoking materials in our cells, although cigarettes were 
 barred. A committee of convicts was to be selected 
 by the chaplain to work with the warden for the better 
 ment of the men. 
 
 Never as long as I live will I forget that first Sat 
 urday on the lawn. For fifteen months I had not set 
 foot on the soil, always walking on wood, iron, stone or 
 cement. When we marched out of the dining-hall that 
 bright, sunny afternoon and the company ranks were 
 broken at the edge of the lawn I was actually afraid to 
 step on the grass. When I did step on to it, my knees 
 bent under me and I dropped down full length and bur 
 ied my face in the lawn and thanked God. I noticed 
 hundreds of others doing the same thing. 
 
 Shortly after this happened I had a letter from 
 Mother in which she said she was paying up all my bills 
 and was trying to get me out, but that it would take a 
 long time. I did not have much hope, though, that 
 she would be able to do anything. 
 
 In addition to my choir work I was now teaching a 
 class two nights a week in the convict night school. It 
 was pitiful to see big, grown men trying to learn long 
 division. 
 
 One day while talking to Charlie I mentioned the fact 
 that I did not know what I would do when I got out, 
 as I would only have a few dollars coming from the 
 State. He said he was going to transfer ten dollars 
 
O N E M A N 139 
 
 from his account to mine so that I would have some 
 thing. He did this a few days later. 
 
 During the first part of May I was returning one 
 evening from choir practice and in starting down the 
 steps to the cell house I noticed that the wooden doors 
 which opened out on to the big lawn inside the prison 
 walls were open, but the outer steel-barred doors were 
 pulled to and locked. Through the bars I could see 
 the moonlight on the lawn, and I stepped over to the 
 door where the night guard stood and asked him if I 
 could look out. He said " Sure," and I pressed my 
 face close to the bars. For the first time in sixteen 
 months I saw the moon riding high in the heavens. 
 There was a soft spring breeze blowing and the smell 
 of growing things and freshly turned earth put new life 
 into me. I stood there for five minutes taking deep 
 breaths of the delicious air, and it seemed so hard to be 
 lieve that only those few bars stood between me and 
 freedom. 
 
 And to this day, whenever I become gloomy and dis 
 contented with my lot, I have only to remember stand 
 ing at that prison door that night, shut in from all en 
 joyment of nature and God s own fresh air, to immedi 
 ately realize that I should be thankful that I am now 
 free to enjoy these things. 
 
 A few days after this the Pardon Board met at 
 the prison and while they were in session I was called 
 over to the office. I hurried over, not knowing what 
 was wanted. When I reached the deputy s office he 
 asked me what I wanted and I told him that I had not 
 
140 N E M A N 
 
 sent in a request to see him. He said there must have 
 been some mistake and sent me back to the shops. In 
 going through the hall leading from the office I noticed 
 three men visitors talking to one of the guards. 
 
 The next morning I was working with Charlie in the 
 shipping-room, when I was again ordered to the office. 
 
 I hurried over, and when I reached the office found 
 the deputy warden and another official waiting. The 
 deputy looked at me and said, " Robert, I have some 
 news for you." This was the only time he had ever 
 addressed me by my first name, and I was more sur 
 prised at that than at the rest of his remark. I stam 
 mered out, " What is it, sir ? " and he laughed and 
 said, " I guess we will have to let you go home. The 
 Governor signed your pardon last night." I dropped 
 to the floor in a faint and when they brought me to, I 
 began to laugh and cry alternately. It did not seem 
 possible that it could be true. 
 
 The deputy took me to the tailor shop and they out 
 fitted me with a black suit, a soft hat, a white shirt and 
 collar and a black necktie. The shoes I was wearing 
 were good enough. 
 
 While these clothes were being pressed, I obtained 
 permission to go back to the shop and say good-bye to 
 the keeper and Charlie. The keeper shook hands and 
 wished me luck. 
 
 Out in the back room I took both of Charlie s hands 
 in mine and told him the news. The tears came into 
 his eyes and he told me he was glad I was free. Then 
 putting his arm around my neck, he kissed me on the 
 
ONE MAN 141 
 
 cheek, and so I left one of the best friends I ever had. 
 He, too, was pardoned a few years later. 
 
 I then returned to my cell and gathered together 
 what few treasures I had there, among them my Bible 
 and the calendar upon which I had marked off the days 
 as they passed. I kept that calendar locked up in the 
 safety deposit vault among my papers until only a few 
 months ago. 
 
 After I had put on my new clothes I was taken up 
 the winding stair to the guard room, where I said good 
 bye to the chaplain, and then after over sixteen months 
 the same guard threw open the big door and I walked 
 out a free man. The clang of that big door s closing 
 sounded joyous to me at this time. 
 
 I went to the warden s office, where I received the ten 
 dollars in cash which the State gives the convicts when 
 they are released, all the things I had left there upon 
 entering and the money remaining to my credit, which 
 amounted to about fourteen dollars. This included the 
 ten dollars Charlie had transferred to my account; in 
 addition the warden gave me fifteen dollars as a reward 
 for my services in the choir and handed me a telegram 
 from Ed saying he would be there at two o clock and 
 instructing me to wait at the boarding-house across the 
 street from the prison. I shook hands with the warden 
 and walked out of the big front door and down the 
 steps. 
 
 The scene as I stood there on the sidewalk comes 
 back to me now. It was nearly noon, and the sun 
 shone very brightly. Down the street I could see an 
 
N E M A N 
 
 electric car. Two boys were riding bicycles across the 
 street and a little girl was sitting on the steps of the 
 boarding-house playing with a kitten. 
 
 I walked slowly down the walk and across the street 
 to the boarding-house. It seemed somehow that I 
 could not walk easily. My steps lagged and I was 
 afraid to move. When I stepped into the boarding- 
 house office the man behind the little desk asked me what 
 he could do for me. I told him I wanted dinner and ex 
 pected a friend on the two o clock train. He told me 
 to make myself comfortable and that dinner would be 
 ready soon. I went out on the steps and sat down. 
 Just then the foreman of the prison contract put his 
 head out of the door of the company s office across the 
 street and called to me to come over. I went over and 
 he shook hands with me and took me to the cashier, 
 who gave me a ten-dollar gold piece for " luck," as the 
 foreman said. 
 
 Then the company s secretary came out of his pri 
 vate office and said I had to eat with him over at the 
 boarding-house. I had talked with him in the prison 
 many times, and liked him very much. 
 
 So I went to dinner with him and at the table with us 
 sat two of the prison guards in their uniforms. They 
 called me by name and talked with me just as if I had 
 never been a convict. It seemed so strange to be sitting 
 there eating at the same table with them. I could not 
 eat much ; every mouthful seemed to choke me, and I 
 wanted to raise my hand each time before I spoke to 
 the others. 
 
ONE MAN 
 
 After lunch the secretary gave me a cigar and sat 
 with me on the steps for a long time. Shortly after he 
 left, Ed came down the street on a run and when he 
 came up to me he threw both arms around me, he seemed 
 so pleased to see me free. 
 
 He told me that Mother had squared up all my other 
 troubles and that Father wanted me to come home and 
 had sent him twenty-five dollars for me. He also said 
 that Mother had done most of the work toward getting 
 my pardon, but that Father had obtained the signature 
 of the governor of our own State to the application for 
 the pardon. 
 
 Ed took me down town and I bought a suit of clothes, 
 a hat and some other things out of the twenty-five dol 
 lars Father had sent me. 
 
 I can remember how afraid I was to cross the busy 
 streets, thinking I would surely be run over. I was 
 just like a little child in some ways that day. 
 
 Seeing that I was completely tired out with all the 
 excitement, Ed suggested that we get a room at the 
 hotel and rest for the balance of the day. We not 
 only did this, but also decided later to remain there all 
 night. 
 
 Before going to bed that night Ed and I kneeled 
 down beside the bed and thanked God for my release 
 and asked for help for me in the new life. 
 
 In the morning we got up early and I bought a ticket 
 home via Chicago. Ed and I both cried when we said 
 good-bye. 
 
 I reached Chicago late in the afternoon and the first 
 
144 O N E M A N 
 
 thing I did was to buy cigarettes. Then I tried to 
 find Fay, but she had moved. 
 
 The balance of the time until my train left I spent 
 in walking the streets and in getting a good meal. 
 Every time a person looked at me I imagined that he 
 could notice the prison smell or that my pallor told 
 where I had been. I did not get over this feeling for 
 several days. 
 
 Somehow my supper did not taste good to me, al 
 though it was as good as money could buy. 
 
 I bought a berth in the Pullman that night and never 
 knew a thing until the porter woke me in the morning. 
 I rode out home on a street car, and, arriving at the 
 house, walked around to the back door. 
 
CHAPTER XX 
 
 I KNOCKED and soon a little tot opened the 
 door. I asked her if Mrs. was at home. 
 She said " Yes, sir," and then I asked the little 
 one if she would call her. The little tot stood looking 
 at me a minute and then said, " You are my bruvver," 
 and held out her arms to me. I dropped to my knees 
 and gathered her into my arms with the tears running 
 down my cheeks and thus my mother found us. 
 
 Mother cried a great deal and called me " her boy." 
 She said I looked pale and sick and she made me sit 
 down to the table and eat something, the little sister 
 insisting on sitting on my knee while I ate. Mother 
 phoned my father that I was home and he came out at 
 the lunch hour. He was very severe and stern, but 
 told me he was glad to see me home at last. Mary was 
 in the hospital recovering from an operation and Father 
 told me to come to his office during the afternoon and he 
 would take me to the hospital. 
 
 I went to his office that afternoon, and as we passed 
 out of the building he told me to walk a few steps be 
 hind him. He did not say why, but I knew why. I 
 did look like a jail bird all right with my pale, sallow 
 face and furtive air. But I think when he told me to 
 walk behind him that he undid right there most of 
 
 the good my serving time had done me. 
 
 145 
 
146 O N E M A N 
 
 I walked along behind him until we were out of the 
 business district, and then he motioned for me to come 
 up beside him. The rest of the way he talked to me 
 and told me he was going to give me a chance to make a 
 man out of myself. I was still smarting from the com 
 mand to walk like a dog at his heel and I am afraid 
 that his talk did not do me much good. I had already 
 made up my mind not to do anything more that would 
 take me behind the bars again. 
 
 At the hospital Mary said she was glad to see me and 
 hoped I would be a good boy from then on. She looked 
 at me with a great deal of curiosity while I was there, 
 just as if I was some strange kind of an animal. I 
 did not remain long at the hospital but hurried home. 
 
 That night I sat out on the front porch looking up 
 at the sky counting the stars, and God knows I was sin 
 cere in my resolutions to begin life anew. It seemed 
 so good to be free to breathe the fresh air, to walk and 
 run as I wanted to and not to see any stone walls or 
 iron bars. 
 
 After I had fallen asleep that night, I woke up to find 
 Mother standing beside my bed. She was holding a 
 lighted lamp in her hand and looking down at me. I 
 asked her then never to bring a light into my room after 
 I had fallen asleep and explained to her why I could 
 not stand it. And to this day, if any one brings a 
 light into my bedroom while I am asleep, it wakes me 
 and my first thought is " The Night Guard," and I 
 nearly always dream that night that I am again back 
 in prison. 
 
O N E M A N U7 
 
 For the next few days I lay around home resting and 
 eating three square meals a day. 
 
 In the mornings when I wakened from a good night s 
 sleep my first thought would be, " I wonder how soon 
 that gong will ring? " Then I would miss the sounds 
 to which I had become accustomed and instead would 
 hear the birds in the trees outside my window. Then 
 I would hear Mother moving around downstairs and I 
 would know that I was free at last. 
 
 The greater part of my time for the next few days 
 was spent in getting acquainted with my little sister. 
 The reaction experienced in coming from prison life to 
 home life, the change in diet and surroundings, had a 
 tendency to upset my whole system. After resting for 
 a week, I began doing a little work around home. 
 
CHAPTER XXI 
 
 ONE morning I was at work in the basement, 
 and happening to glance out of the window, 
 I noticed a beautiful young girl coming 
 across the lawn. I heard her come into the house, 
 where she sat talking to Mother for some little time. 
 After she left Mother told me she was one of the girls 
 in the neighborhood and that she came to the house 
 quite often. 
 
 A few days later Mother introduced us and I fell 
 head over heels in love with her the moment I met her. 
 She was the purest, sweetest-looking girl I had ever 
 seen, and her accent, owing to her Southern birth, was 
 the quaintest thing I had ever heard. She seemed to 
 take an immediate liking to me and we became good 
 friends in a short time. 
 
 A day or so later I went over to C and found 
 
 that Maud was working in a department store. I went 
 up to see her and she treated me very coolly. I asked 
 her what was the matter and she said that upon receipt 
 of the letter I had written after leaving her she had 
 suffered a relapse and had been taken to the hospital. 
 She told me that it was best that we should not see each 
 other again. 
 
 I saw her only once after that day in the store. 
 
 148 
 
O N E M A N 149 
 
 I also called on the salary loan man and he was glad 
 to see me, because I still owed him thirty dollars. He 
 persuaded me to give him a note for fifty dollars and 
 returned my old note. I agreed to pay him two dollars 
 a week on the new note as soon as I obtained work. 
 
 After I had been home two weeks one of the neigh 
 bors offered me a position at nine dollars a week work 
 ing in his warehouse. I went to work on a Monday 
 and lasted just ten days. There was a lot of heavy 
 lifting to do and I could not stand it. On the day I 
 was taken sick and had to quit work, one of the girls 
 who lived across the street from our house gave a party 
 for me. I had been dreading it, as I did not feel like 
 meeting a lot of people. I seemed to feel as if people, 
 by talking with me, might find out where I had been. 
 During my stay in prison Mother had told the neigh 
 bors I was down East. My being taken sick while at 
 work gave me a good excuse for not being present at 
 the party. The girl who was giving it never forgave 
 me for this. 
 
 A few days after this, I obtained a temporary posi 
 tion in a railway office making out checks in the pay-roll 
 department. 
 
 While engaged at this work, I heard of an opening 
 in a wholesale hardware house, and applied for the 
 position. When asked for references I gave the one or 
 
 two I had kept from my former positions in C and 
 
 also gave the name of the secretary of the prison con 
 tractor at M , and the same day wrote him asking 
 
 him to help me get the start. 
 
150 ONE MAN 
 
 I was put to work at once as an assistant bookkeeper. 
 For two weeks I worked at this when one day the Pres 
 ident of the company, a so-called Christian man, called 
 me into his private office. He informed me that he 
 had heard w r here I had been and that, while he had at 
 first decided to let me go, still he would keep me on if 
 I would consent to a decrease in salary. He was then 
 paying me twelve dollars a week and wanted to cut it 
 to ten. I told him that I would be willing to stay at 
 the reduced salary and would endeavor to show him I 
 was worthy of his confidence ; and in this way this God 
 fearing man took advantage of my misfortune and 
 saved two dollars a week on his payroll. 
 
 I kept on with my work that Summer, as the firm was 
 a big one and I was willing to put up with anything in 
 order to get a start. 
 
 In the early Fall another one of our neighbors who 
 owned a factory in the city asked me if I would like to 
 work for him. I jumped at the chance, and while this 
 
 Mr. K told me he would not hire me away from the 
 
 hardware people, yet he would have a place for me any 
 time I was free to accept it. I immediately gave notice 
 at the hardware house and they offered to raise my sal 
 ary, but I refused to remain. 
 
 A few days later I went to work in Mr. K s fac 
 tory as bookkeeper. His business was a good one and 
 a little out of the ordinary. He was a self-made man 
 in every sense of the word and one of the squarest men 
 who ever lived. 
 
 He was a hard worker, and always willing to show 
 
N E M A N 151 
 
 me how to do anything around the office. In the office 
 was a young girl named Carrie, who did the steno 
 graphic work. She was a pretty little dark-eyed girl, 
 an orphan, and lived with an aunt. 
 
 The factory employed about thirty people, and my 
 work kept me very busy. Mr. K trusted me im 
 plicitly with everything. He was a man who managed 
 to keep all the details of the business at his fingers 
 ends without much effort, and occasionally he would 
 go over the books with me. He was an inveterate 
 cigarette smoker and told me to smoke all I wanted to 
 in the office. I took advantage of this permission and 
 was soon smoking on an average of ten cigarettes a 
 
 day. Mr. K paid me ten dollars a week and soon 
 
 increased this to twelve dollars. 
 
 During the Fall and Winter I saw Jean, the girl 
 with whom I had fallen in love, quite often, and went 
 to call on her at her home a few times. 
 
CHAPTER XXII 
 
 IN January of the next year, I wrote to Fay s old 
 address and in a few days received a reply from 
 her. We corresponded for a couple of weeks and 
 then I decided to go down to Chicago, Mr. K hav 
 ing said I could have a three days vacation. I wrote 
 to Fay and told her I was coming and where I would 
 stop. Shortly after my arrival in Chicago she called 
 me up and said she was in the drug store across the 
 street and would come up to the hotel parlor. She 
 came over a few minutes later and met me in the parlor, 
 looking just as she had the last time I had seen her, 
 over two years before. 
 
 The first thing she told me was of her marriage a 
 year previous, but she said that need not make any dif 
 ference in our relations. I can remember being a little 
 surprised at this, because I had always believed that a 
 wife should be true to her husband. Fay said she knew 
 of a place where we could go and get a few drinks with 
 out any one seeing us. We went over there immediately 
 and obtained a small private dining-room and ordered a 
 drink. 
 
 For nearly a year I had been voluntarily decent, 
 keeping away from drink and trying to make a man 
 
 out of myself ; but after Fay and I had had a few drinks 
 
 152 
 
O N E M A N 153 
 
 I forgot my good resolutions entirely. The liquor had 
 considerable effect on both of us. Fay said that it was 
 the first time she had " broken away " since her mar 
 riage, and went on to tell me what a shrimp she 
 had married and how he ran around with other 
 women. 
 
 We had lunch, and then Fay asked me to come out to 
 her flat. I can remember our climbing the steps at 
 the elevated station, and how hard it was for us to keep 
 from falling down, as we were both well under the influ 
 ence of liquor. 
 
 Fay s flat was on the first floor of a flat building on 
 the north side. When we went into her flat, she slipped 
 the chain bolt on the door so that if " Hubby " came 
 home he could not get in until she unfastened it. 
 
 About five o clock in the afternoon, just as I was 
 getting ready to leave, we happened to look out of the 
 window and saw a young man coming to the door. Fay 
 said it was her husband and that I must skip out 
 the back way. I grabbed my overcoat and hat and 
 she let me out, at the same time telling me to come again 
 the next morning at nine o clock. 
 
 As I was coming out of the turnstile gate at the L 
 station near her home the next morning, I saw her hus 
 band coming up the street. I stepped into a news store 
 and bought a morning paper and stood in the shop 
 reading it while he went by. I don t know what made 
 me wait, but about a minute afterward he passed the 
 store again going in the direction of his home. I re 
 mained in the store about five minutes longer until he 
 
154 O N E M A N 
 
 came past again and went up the steps to the elevated 
 station. This time I watched until a city-bound train 
 pulled out and then I walked slowly to the flat. 
 
 I remained there until noon and then took Fay down 
 town to lunch. After lunch we went back to the flat, 
 where I remained until four o clock, talking over old 
 times. Finally I told her good-bye and promised to 
 come to Chicago again soon. 
 
 The next day when I reached home, Mr. K told 
 
 me that my eyes looked like burnt holes in a blanket. 
 
 Mr. K had raised my salary to fifteen dollars 
 
 January first, and I was saving a few dollars. My love 
 for Jean had kept me pretty well straightened up with 
 the exception of my trip to Chicago. She was a good 
 girl in every respect, and while I had never told her 
 that I loved her, yet she seemed to know that I thought 
 a great deal of her. 
 
 About this time I joined my mother s church, and as 
 Jean was also a member there we attended services to 
 gether nearly every Sunday evening. 
 
 In the latter part of February my sister Mary, Jean 
 and I went to Chicago to attend the opera. We reached 
 Chicago in the morning and after taking the girls to a 
 hotel and promising to return at five o clock, I went to 
 meet Fay. We had a few drinks and went out to her 
 flat, where I remained until nearly five o clock. 
 
 When I returned to the hotel I dressed for dinner 
 and went to meet the girls. When I saw Jean standing 
 there in the hotel parlor, looking so sweet and innocent, 
 I was thoroughly ashamed of what I had done that day, 
 
N E M A N 155 
 
 and vowed to myself that I would never see Fay again. 
 I kept that vow. 
 
 That night at the opera I sat beside Jean, and the 
 beautiful music of " The Magic Flute " seemed to weave 
 a spell over us. Unconsciously our hands met in the 
 semi-darkness, and when the curtain went down I real 
 ized that her hand had been clasped in mine for several 
 moments. I can remember the blush which spread over 
 her face and neck, and how she would not look at me 
 for a long time. I was happy that night, happier than 
 I had ever been. 
 
 June saw me in Chicago again, on business for Mr. 
 
 K this time. I remained several days, but kept 
 
 away from Fay. While in the city I received my first 
 letter from Jean, and immediately answered it. She 
 had promised to write to me and her letter helped me 
 to keep straight. It was a simple, friendly little note, 
 yet she had written it, and for that reason it meant 
 much to me. My love for her was entirely different 
 from that which I had had for Maud. 
 
 Jean was only seventeen years of age, and the pet 
 of her father. I felt deep in my heart that I did not 
 dare to tell her of my love on account of the fact that I 
 was an ex-convict. This thought bothered me more and 
 more as the days passed, and I began to brood over it. 
 And then, for the first time since leaving the peniten 
 tiary, I began to feel hopeless. It seemed more than 
 I could bear, to think that I could not marry a decent 
 woman and have little children of my own. Somehow 
 I did not feel that it would be right to marry a good 
 
156 ONE MAN 
 
 girl, because our children might grow up some day to 
 hear some other child say, " Your father was a con 
 vict." Yet I kept on going to see her and getting 
 deeper in love. 
 
 About this time a young girl relative of ours came to 
 visit us. She was a very odd girl, and had made her 
 father and mother a great deal of trouble. Her par 
 ents were very wealthy and she had been well educated, 
 especially along musical lines. She was of a very pas 
 sionate nature and full of the devil. 
 
 One evening she asked me to take her slumming and I 
 did so. We both drank considerable in the different 
 resorts and she seemed to enjoy herself immensely. 
 
 While we were down in the slums she asked me to get 
 a room in a lodging house and I was just drunk enough 
 to do it. 
 
 After the old hag had shown us up to the room and I 
 had closed the door I stood looking at my companion. 
 She was taking off her hat when she saw my look of sur 
 prise. She hesitated just a moment and then, putting 
 the pins back into her hat, said : " Come on, you fool, 
 we ll go home." 
 
 On the way home she sulked, and I asked her what 
 was the matter, and she told me I was a chump and 
 that at that we were only distant relatives. 
 
 It was very late when we reached home and she took 
 off her shoes in the hall and sneaked upstairs. The 
 house was full of company and I was sleeping on a couch 
 in the library down stairs. I lay awake a long time 
 thinking that perhaps after all I was not the only 
 
N E M A N 157 
 
 wicked one on earth, yet in the next few days I came to 
 think an awful lot of this girl and was sorry to see her 
 go back home. 
 
CHAPTER XXIII 
 
 ONE Saturday morning one of the neighbor s 
 boys and I rented a rig and Mary and Jean 
 having put up a nice lunch we drove out to a 
 nearby lake on a fishing trip. We fished until noon 
 and then ate our lunch out under the trees. After 
 lunch the girls lay down under a tree and the other 
 fellow and myself went for a stroll. 
 
 When we returned the girls were lying asleep under 
 the tree. Jean had on a plain black dress, made with a 
 little square Dutch neck. She was lying on her left 
 side, with her head resting on one outstretched arm. 
 A ray of sunlight shining down through the treetops 
 rested on her face and hair. As I stood there looking 
 at her, it seemed as though the One Great Love which 
 comes to most men at some time in their lives, had come 
 into my heart. It was a pure, unselfish love, and I felt 
 that I would give my life to make her happy. I forgot 
 all about prison and the life I had led and thought only 
 of my love for her. 
 
 And although I have loved and been loved by many 
 women since that day, yet I know that a pure, unselfish 
 God-given love seldom comes to any man more than 
 once. The second and other loves are usually founded 
 
 on either passion, loneliness or a desire for wealth. 
 
 158 
 
ONE MAN 159 
 
 As I stood there, she opened her eyes and looked into 
 mine, and I knew that she knew what was in my heart 
 and that she did not find it unwelcome. She jumped up, 
 and arousing my sister we four spent the afternoon 
 roaming through the woods. 
 
 During the ride home through the moonlight, Jean 
 and I occupied the back seat in the carriage. We did 
 not talk much, seeming to be contented in enjoying the 
 beautiful night. I wanted to take her in my arms, but 
 did not dare to, and somehow I was unable to tell her 
 what I wanted to. 
 
 When we reached her home and I helped her out of 
 the carriage she seemed to be a little displeased over 
 something, but said she had had a beautiful time and 
 whispered to me to come over the next evening. 
 
 I was afraid to call on her the next evening, for I 
 knew that I would tell her of my love, so, sending my 
 sister over to tell her that I could not come until the 
 following evening, I went for a long walk alone. I 
 wanted a chance to fight this thing out with myself 
 and to kill it once and for all, as I thought I was doing 
 wrong. When I reached home, late that night, I had 
 decided to give her up for her own sake and to sacrifice 
 my love. 
 
 Early the next evening she came over to our house 
 and I walked home with her in the moonlight. When 
 we reached her home she invited me to sit down with her 
 on a rustic bench out on one side of the lawn. 
 
 I had been very quiet during our walk, and after we 
 sat down she asked me what the trouble was. I told 
 
160 O N E M A N 
 
 her I was feeling a little blue and had been working hard 
 that day. She sympathized with me and tried to cheer 
 me up. 
 
 Dressed in a simple white gown, with her hair brushed 
 straight back from her forehead, she was more beautiful 
 to me that night than ever before. 
 
 I sat there looking down into her eyes for a few mo 
 ments, and then, before I knew it, I was telling her of 
 my love for her. She waited until I was through talk 
 ing, and then, placing her hands in mine, said, " I love 
 you, Bob. I always have." There were tears in her 
 eyes when she held her lips up to mine, and that first 
 kiss seemed to blot out all my past and give me some 
 thing to live for. She sat there with her head on my 
 shoulder and her hands clasped in mine for a long 
 time, and the thought came to me that surely God had 
 forgiven me my sins and would yet give me a place 
 among men. 
 
 That night I could not sleep, and I lay awake until 
 dawn planning for the future. 
 
 When I passed her house on my way to the car line 
 in the morning she was sitting on the porch. She came 
 down the walk to me, her face radiant with happiness, 
 and walked with me to the car. 
 
 That Summer was the happiest of my life, and we 
 were together nearly every evening. Mornings she 
 would walk to the car with me, putting her arm through 
 mine as soon as we were out of sight of her house. 
 
CHAPTER XXIV 
 
 IN September I was offered a chance to buy an in 
 terest in a retail store in the city, and while I only 
 had a few dollars saved, I took the time to look 
 into the proposition. It required an investment of five 
 hundred dollars more than I had saved, and I told Mr. 
 K one day in the office how I wished I had five hun 
 dred dollars more. He laughed and said, " Want to 
 marry the little girl and go into business, don t you? " 
 I told him yes, but that I did not want to leave his em 
 ploy. Then he told me that if I knew of any one who 
 would loan me the money on my note, he would endorse 
 the note. I knew an old Jew who was a customer of 
 ours, and that night I went down to see him at his 
 store. He said that he would loan me the money on my 
 
 note if Mr. K would endorse the note, but that he 
 
 would have to charge me eight per cent, interest and a 
 bonus of twenty dollars. 
 
 The next day I told Mr. K that I had a friend 
 
 who would loan the money on his endorsement. He 
 pulled a blank note out of a drawer, and writing his sig 
 nature across the bottom of it he handed it to me, say 
 ing, " That is what I think of you, Bob. You have 
 been a faithful worker and I am sorry to lose you." 
 
 That noon I filled out the note to the Jew and received 
 
 161 
 
162 O N E M A N 
 
 the four hundred and eighty dollars and a promise from 
 
 him that he would not tell Mr. K that he had the 
 
 note. He was one of Mr. K s customers and I 
 
 was afraid he would not like my going to him for the 
 money. 
 
 That afternoon the papers were signed and the money 
 paid over to the retail people. I was made treasurer of 
 the firm and taken to their bank and arrangements 
 made for me to handle the financial end of the business 
 and to sign all checks. 
 
 There was one active partner with me in the business 
 and one silent partner. We each owned one-third of 
 the capital invested. I had looked over the books, 
 which showed an undivided profit of six hundred dollars, 
 and as the retiring partner was a good church member, 
 I did not take an inventory, but thought, after looking 
 over the stock, that it would come to -about the amount 
 they claimed. 
 
 That night I told my folks about my new venture. 
 Father did not act very enthusiastic, but Mother was 
 greatly pleased. 
 
 Jean went into raptures over the news, and I know 
 that both of us were thinking of marriage that night 
 as we sat in the hammock. 
 
 For the next few days I was very busy with my new 
 work, and I was very enthusiastic over its possibilities. 
 Most of my evenings were spent with Jean, and I began 
 to think more seriously of marriage. Her father wajs a 
 retired business man and very wealthy. Both he and 
 
O N E M A N 163 
 
 his wife had taken a great liking to me but I was afraid 
 that when I came to ask for Jean he would say that I was 
 too poor to marry his daughter. 
 
 During all these days the old fear and dread that my 
 past life would become known had not bothered me so 
 much, but when I came to think of asking Jean to 
 marry me it all came back a thousand fold. Night 
 after night I lay awake wondering if I should tell her 
 the whole story before I asked her to marry me. 
 
 Finally I decided that it was my duty toward her to 
 tell her. I was twenty-four years of age at this time 
 and old enough to know what I was doing. 
 
 One Sunday morning, on the way home from church, 
 I told her I wanted to take her for a walk that evening 
 and discuss something with her. 
 
 That night I called for her and we walked north to 
 the edge of the city and out along a country road under 
 the trees. It was a typical October evening, a little 
 chilly and just the kind of a night I loved, with the 
 wind blowing the dead leaves across the road. 
 
 After we had left the city behind us I told Jean that 
 I was going to tell her several things that would hurt 
 her a great deal and asked her not to say a word to me 
 until I was all through. 
 
 Then I began with my coming to C years before 
 
 and told her everything that had happened, but leaving 
 out all reference to the girls I had known. I told her 
 all about my having been in prison and all that I had 
 been through. Then I .told her that I loved her with 
 
164 ONE MAN 
 
 all my heart and soul, that she had changed my whole 
 life and that I worshipped even the ground on which 
 she walked. 
 
 Then I asked her to marry me, but told her not to 
 give me any answer until she had had time to think it 
 all over. I told her frankly and brutally that some 
 day my past might come out and if she had married 
 me people might point to her and say, " There goes 
 that ex-convict s wife " ; that our children, if we had 
 any, might hear other little ones say to them some day, 
 " Your father is a convict," and refuse to play with 
 them. I painted the future in the blackest possible col 
 ors, so that she might never say that I had not warned 
 her. 
 
 Then I told her I was going away for five days and 
 that at the end of that time I would look for a letter 
 from her at the store telling me yes or no. I told her 
 that it was best for her to write the answer so that my 
 presence could not have any influence over her when 
 she gaVe it. 
 
 During all this time we had continued our walk and 
 when I was through talking we were standing in the 
 road at the top of a hill. I turned to her and saw she 
 wa sobbing and that her cheeks were wet with tears. 
 
 I can remember turning with her so that the moon 
 light shone full upon her and asking her to look at me. 
 She lifted her head and looked straight into my eyes, 
 with what seemed to me all the love on earth. Then she 
 threw both arms around my neck and kissed me, whisper 
 ing^ " Bobbie, Bobbie," and would not let me go. We 
 
O N E M A N 165 
 
 stood, there a few minutes, her cheek against mine and 
 the cool wind blowing her hair across my face. 
 
 On the way home she did not say much, except that 
 she did not want me to go away even for a few days. 
 She asked me to come to her on the fifth day and hear 
 her answer right from her own lips, but I told her that 
 the other way was best. 
 
 When I kissed her good-bye that night I did not 
 know for certain that I would ever hold her in my arms 
 again. She clung to me and kissed me again and again, 
 and at last I had to use a little force to release myself 
 from her embrace. 
 
 The next night I went to Chicago on business con 
 nected with the store and did not return for five 
 days. 
 
 The afternoon of the day I returned I received a 
 special delivery letter at the store. My hand shook so 
 that I could not open it until I had bowed my head on 
 the desk and asked God to grant that it contained good 
 news. Here is her letter: 
 
 My dearest boy: 
 
 At last these five long days without you have passed. 
 This week has been dreadful, and so you could think for 
 an instant that I could put you out of my life ! You 
 don t know how I have missed you. Still I have known 
 all the time that you were wise in insisting upon my 
 taking plenty of time to think. 
 
 And I have thought deeply and earnestly. I don t 
 believe that there has been a moment since I saw you 
 
166 O N E M A N 
 
 Sunday evening when I have not been thinking of you 
 my own dear, dear love. 
 
 Before Sunday it seemed to me that I loved you all I 
 could but now I love you a thousand times more and I 
 think that a thousand fold the respect and honor is due 
 you. How glad I am that you told me, for I long to 
 share your sorrows as well as your joys and it is not 
 with the slightest hesitation but with gladness that I 
 give you the keeping of my life in the future " for 
 better, for worse, for richer or poorer, till death do us 
 part " and I do not believe it will end there. And I 
 will be only too willing to go with you wherever you 
 think best. 
 
 I am waiting for you to come to me. Surely you 
 know now that I love you I love you. 
 
 Yours forever, 
 
 JEAN. 
 
 It was dark when I reached her home and she was 
 waiting. As I came up the walk she met me, holding 
 out her hands to me. I gathered her into my arms and 
 held her, while she cried with her face hidden in my 
 shoulder. 
 
 She told me that night that there had not been any 
 doubt that she would marry me, even while I had been 
 telling her the blackest part of my story. 
 
 We talked over the question of my telling her father 
 about my past life and decided not to do so. That 
 night I took away with me a little ring which she had 
 worn for years and the next day bought an engagement 
 
O N E M A N 167 
 
 ring costing a hundred and fifty dollars. I ran into 
 debt a hundred dollars for this. 
 
 When I gave her the ring that evening she told me to 
 place it on her finger with a wish and I did so. I asked 
 her where her father was and she took me in to him and 
 then slipped out of the room. The old gentleman laid 
 down his paper and asked me how I was getting along. 
 I told him, and then asked him for Jean. This took 
 him by surprise, although he smiled a little. 
 
 He told me she was too young to marry and that 
 he wanted her to wait two years longer. He said that 
 he had no objections to me and that he was willing she 
 should marry me at the end of that time. I asked him 
 if he had any objections to our becoming engaged, and 
 he said he had not, providing we would promise not to 
 get any foolish notions into our heads regarding a run 
 away marriage. I thanked him and then went to her 
 mother, who gave us her blessing and said she believed 
 we were suited to each other. Of course, Jean and I 
 were terribly disappointed over her father s decision, 
 but she told me to cheer up, that she would be able to 
 bring him around to our way of thinking in no time. 
 
 When I told my folks about it that night they were 
 both pleased, although Father looked at me rather 
 queerly. He came into my room late in the night and 
 asked me if I had told Jean about my past life and I 
 said, "Yes." Then he asked me if I had told her fa 
 ther and I answered that I had not. He sat on the 
 edge of my bed without saying anything for a few min 
 utes, and then said, " You will have to tell him some 
 
168 O N E M A N 
 
 time." He seemed to think that I should have told her 
 father that evening. 
 
 In the first part of December my partner asked me 
 to go to a " house of call " and help him collect a bill 
 which the landlady owed us. I went with him and, as is 
 customary, he ordered a few bottles of beer. While we 
 were sitting there a girl came in and sat down on the 
 couch beside me. We had a few more drinks and be 
 fore I knew it I had my arms around the girl. 
 
 This was in the afternoon, and I did not go home 
 until late that night, having forgotten all about Jean 
 for the time being, and in this way a few drinks started 
 me again on the downward road. 
 
 For the next few days I was very sorry for what I 
 had done, but it was only a few days later when I again 
 went to see the girl. Within a week I had fallen back 
 into the old life. One night I would be with Jean and 
 the next night at the flat. 
 
 This cost money, and soon I was juggling the firm s 
 books and appropriating money for my own use. My 
 partner was a hard drinker and sometimes failed to turn 
 in the money he collected. The business was in a bad 
 shape and I began to put away a few dollars in face of 
 the storm which soon would break. 
 
 During December Jean s folks allowed us to have the 
 parlor to ourselves and many times we were alone for 
 the whole evening. A few days before Christmas I went 
 up to the flat. It was late in the afternoon and the 
 girl was not there. I drank considerable and remained 
 for dinner with the landlady. I finally became dis- 
 
ONE MAN 169 
 
 gusted with the whole outfit and went out to see Jean. 
 
 I was still a little under the influence of liquor when 
 I reached her home. She was all alone in the house. 
 While she noticed a slight odor of liquor upon me she 
 did not say anything, knowing as she did that I took a 
 drink occasionally. 
 
 After I had removed my overcoat Jean gave me this 
 letter and told me to go into the library and read it 
 while she changed her gown. The letter was in answer 
 to one I had written the day before and read as follows : 
 
 My dearest: 
 
 I have just received your letter and oh, I do so wish 
 that right now you could feel and know the depths of 
 the love that I give you. 
 
 Such a thought as doubting you never enters my 
 mind. I would truly as soon doubt God himself as to 
 doubt you, so great is my confidence and trust. Please 
 remember this, there is absolutely nothing that could 
 shake my faith even for an instant. I have given my 
 life and heart and my all unreservedly into your keep 
 ing and I haven t a shadow of a fear for now or the 
 future. You will always be my lover and I your sweet 
 heart. I no longer worry over the two years we are 
 supposed to wait, for we will do about that as seems 
 best. 
 
 What worries me is seeing you grow thin and know 
 ing you don t eat or sleep as you should, the two things 
 that you so sorely need. 
 
 Sometimes I am strongly tempted to throw all rea- 
 
170 O N E M A N 
 
 son to the winds and go with you now, away somewhere, 
 where we may always be together and when this feeling 
 comes over me I am just as I was Wednesday evening. 
 It takes every bit of self-control I have to do as my 
 common sense tells me is best in many ways. When I 
 was quiet on that evening, I was thinking and longing 
 to do something to stop the ache that seems to be always 
 in your heart. I do love you so much. Far more than 
 you know of, because it is only rarely that I show it 
 to its full extent. Don t think, dear, that I don t want 
 you to talk over your business with me. I never meant 
 that you should get that impression. I always want 
 to share your trials and your sorrows. I don t ever 
 want the smallest thing to come between us and I do 
 want to be your chum and best friend as well as your 
 sweetheart and sometime your wife. I have given 
 you my implicit confidence and trust and respect. I al 
 ways doubt others, some more than others, and all but 
 you a little. I would stake my very soul on you and I 
 know it would not be lost. 
 
 When you come to-night you shall see that I do love 
 you above everything else. 
 
 Please try to eat and sleep. It will break my heart 
 if you don t, for I love you so much. I can t see you 
 get so thin. 
 
 If I don t have a chance to mail this I will give it to 
 you to-night. Remember I love you always. 
 
 Your own, 
 
 LITTLE GIRL. 
 
ONE MAN 171 
 
 That letter of Jean s seemed to show me the road I 
 was travelling and I walked out of the library and 
 waited at the foot of the stairs until she came down. 
 I promised her that I would not drink again. After 
 that night I did not go near the " house of call." 
 
 There was no excuse for my deviltry, absolutely none 
 while I was engaged to Jean. I have no excuse to offer 
 for it. I loved her without doubt and loved her with a 
 clean love, but it is more than hard for any man who 
 had pampered, fed and gratified his passions as I had 
 done for a number of years to live clean and alone for 
 any length of time. I wanted her for my wife and 
 wanted her in the right way, but after all I was as yet 
 only a child when it came to real love, though I knew 
 it not. 
 
 In January I decided to give up my interest in the 
 store. I had seven hundred dollars put away and the 
 business was in bad shape. My partner was drinking 
 heavily and not turning in his collections. 
 
 So, telling Jean where I was going for a few days, I 
 left the city and waited for the storm to blow over. 
 I had juggled the books so that no one could untangle 
 them and I knew that there would be some difficulty in 
 fastening the thing on me. 
 
 A week later, when I returned to the city, I went to a 
 good lawyer and told him the whole story. He immedi 
 ately wrote to both the active and silent partners 
 " demanding a settlement of the affair." There were a 
 lot of accusations and counter-accusations on both 
 
172 N E M A N 
 
 sides and we threatened my active partner with arrest 
 for embezzling collections. They claimed that I had 
 wrecked the business and removed some of the books. 
 
 Finally they paid me three, hundred and eighty dol 
 lars for my interest in the business and the good Chris 
 tian brother who had sold out to me went back to the 
 store and took charge. Long before this, when I had 
 come to fix up the books so no one could understand 
 them, I had found that he had also been doing some 
 " fancy bookkeeping," and that there had been no un 
 divided profits when he sold out to me. So I did not 
 feel very sorry for him when I knew he was to be the one 
 to straighten out the tangle I had left. But I was not 
 to be let off so easily, as later events proved. 
 
 For the next few days Jean and I were together all 
 the time. Then I decided to go to Seattle and go into 
 
 some kind of business. I kept out of Mr. K s way 
 
 during the trouble at the store and was not worrying 
 much about the note, as it did not fall due until the fol 
 lowing September. 
 
 Jean cried a great deal over my going away, but I 
 told her that it was only that I might make a home for 
 her that I went. 
 
 The morning I left, Jean came to the train with rny 
 folks and was the last one to kiss me good-bye. 
 
 Father thought that I had sold out my interest in 
 the store, so did not object to my going. 
 
CHAPTER XXY 
 
 ON the train I became acquainted with a busi 
 ness man from Toronto, Canada. He was on 
 his way to investigate one of his branch 
 stores at Vancouver. Before he reached Seattle he of 
 fered me a position in his Toronto office and made me 
 promise to consider the matter. 
 
 I stayed on the Coast two weeks and then decided to 
 go to Toronto. I wrote to the man at Vancouver 
 and he answered immediately, instructing me to be in 
 Toronto in two weeks. I took the train for home, re 
 mained there five days and then went on to Toronto. 
 Jean wanted me to stay at home, but somehow I felt 
 that I could not. 
 
 For two months I worked in Toronto, earning consid 
 erable money. It was a cold, lonesome place, and if it 
 had not been for Jean s letters and telegrams I could 
 not have stood it. 
 
 During my stay in Canada, my sister Mary was mar 
 ried to a young man from Chicago and went there to 
 live. 
 
 One day I received word in a roundabout way that a 
 receiver had been appointed for our old store. This 
 worried me some, and finally I came home, wiring Jean 
 to meet me in C . We rode over to B to- 
 
 173 
 
174 O N E M A N 
 
 gether and after leaving my bag at home went to her 
 house. 
 
 Her father, who was sitting in the library when we 
 came in, looked up at me rather queerly and asked me 
 
 why I got off the train at C instead of coming 
 
 through to B . I was a little startled at his ques 
 tion. I had feared that perhaps some one would be 
 looking for me at the train with a warrant, but I told 
 him that I had thought it would be nice for Jean to 
 
 come over to C and ride back with me. The old 
 
 gentleman made no answer to my remark but looked at 
 me rather strangely. 
 
 This was on a Wednesday, and the following day 
 Jean and I were together all day. In the afternoon we 
 took a long walk and when we reached a part of the 
 city not very thickly populated we sat down on the 
 edge of the sidewalk. Jean laid her head on my knee 
 and Iregan to cry. I asked her what was wrong and she 
 said she did not know, she just felt as if something ter 
 rible was going to happen. The dear, brave little girl 
 suggested that we go out and get married that after 
 noon and then nothing could happen to separate us. 
 I told her that I was afraid she would regret it after 
 wards on account of her folks and finally persuaded her 
 to give up the idea. 
 
 On the way home I suggested that we go and visit 
 
 the penitentiary at D the next day. It was only a 
 
 two hours ride on the electric car and we could get 
 back early. She looked at me rather strangely when I 
 suggested this, but agreed to go. 
 
ONE MAN 175 
 
 The next morning, early, we started out for D- 
 
 A guard took us all through the prison and for the 
 first time in her life, Jean had an opportunity to see a 
 lot of convicts. She came near fainting when shown 
 the little cells where the men slept and she clung to me 
 closely for the rest of the trip. 
 
 On the car going home she was taken ill, and when 
 we reached home she was utterly exhausted. 
 
 After lunch I went over to see her, but was told by 
 her sister, who opened the door, that Jean was sick and 
 could not see me. 
 
 I returned home and was reading in the library when 
 her father came to our front door. He was greatly ex 
 cited over something and asked me to take a walk with 
 him. I put on my hat and we started out. He was 
 breathing very heavily, and when I asked him what was 
 the matter and where we were going, he answered, " To 
 the church, you will see what is the matter." 
 
 The church to which both of our families belonged 
 was only three blocks away, and when the old man took 
 me into the pastor s study we found the good man await 
 ing our arrival. 
 
 I began to get scared when I noticed the increasing 
 excitement of Jean s father. We three sat down, and 
 the old man told the pastor that he had some questions 
 that he wanted to ask me and wished him to be present. 
 
 He then asked me if I had not been in the peniten 
 tiary at E . I said, " Yes." He asked me if I had 
 
 not been released owing to the work of the Y. M. C. A. 
 and I answered him that my mother had obtained my 
 
176 O N E M A N 
 
 release. He then asked me if I had told Jean of my 
 past life and I answered that I had done so. He would 
 not believe this and I, beginning to get angry, told him 
 that I did not care whether he believed it or not. 
 
 Then he went on to tell me how he had traced back my 
 whole history, how I had been going to see the girl in the 
 " house of call." He also said that he had gone over 
 the books left in the store and together with the receiver 
 had found me out to be a crook and a thief. He said 
 that he had had a detective on my trail for weeks and 
 that I would be in jail in a few days. 
 
 Then he got up out of his chair and raising his hands 
 above his head, swore in the sight of God that as long 
 as he lived, his daughter should never marry an ex-con 
 vict. Then he turned to the pastor and asked him if 
 he thought a pure, innocent young girl should marry 
 me and this noble-minded man of God arose and said, 
 " No, Robert should never expect to marry with a past 
 such as he has." Then the old man told me that Jean 
 never wanted to see me again and that if I did not write 
 to her there in his presence and tell her that I could not 
 marry her because of certain physical reasons which 
 should prevent such a step for all time to come, he 
 would kill me and himself. I refused flatly and told 
 him to go ahead with his killing. He reached behind 
 him with one hand and the worthy minister jumped at 
 him and held him. 
 
 I figured that this was a good time for me to go and 
 had started for the door when the pastor called me back, 
 saying there was no telling what the old man would do 
 
ONE MAN 177 
 
 and that surely I did not want to have his blood on my 
 head. He went on to say that for the good of all con 
 cerned it was best that I write as the old man desired. 
 
 So I sat down and wrote as the old man dictated. 
 
 This was the most cowardly thing I ever did and I 
 have suffered deeply for it. I wrote as the old man 
 dictated and signed it. Then I wrote across the bot 
 tom of the letter, " Dictated by your father." He de 
 manded that I write the letter over and omit that. I 
 told him I would not and walked out of the church. 
 
 That evening he came to our house with a big pack 
 age of letters which I had written to Jean. Handing 
 them to me, together with the engagement ring which I 
 had given Jean, he demanded that I give him the letters 
 she had written me. I told him to call in the morning 
 for them and shut the door in his face. 
 
 That night I went over her letters and destroyed all 
 those wherein she had written little things pertaining 
 to our relations. I kept a few of the most precious 
 ones and when the old man came in the morning I gave 
 him the balance. 
 
 That morning I told Father and Mother that Jean s 
 father had broken off our engagement, claiming that I 
 was in no fit condition to contract a marriage. Father 
 immediately took me to the best doctor in the city, who 
 thoroughly examined me and gave me a letter stating 
 that I was in perfect health. 
 
 In the afternoon I walked past Jean s house and saw 
 her standing in the window of her room. When she 
 saw me she threw me a kiss and with her hands made 
 
178 N E M A N 
 
 some signs which I could not understand. That even 
 ing a policeman was stationed at her home and I did 
 not dare to try to communicate with her. She stood in 
 the window of her room and, while I could see her, she 
 could not see me. She was still there when I went by 
 the house the last time at eleven o clock. 
 
 The next day was Sunday and about three o clock 
 Jean rushed into our house, asking me to hide her as 
 she had run away. I immediately took her over to a 
 private park near our home and sat down with her on 
 a bench. She put her arms around me and burst out 
 crying, begging me to take her away with me some 
 where and saying over and over that she did not believe 
 there was anything wrong with me and that she would 
 go with me to the ends of the world. I let her read 
 the doctor s letter and finally persuaded her that the 
 best thing for her to do was to go back home and wait 
 until the thing blew over. 
 
 She walked back to my home with me and into the 
 library, where, after shutting the door, she drew me 
 over to the window and put her arms around my neck. 
 Looking into my eyes for a moment, she kissed me full 
 upon my lips and, turning, walked out of the house. 
 Her folks took her away the next day and it was over 
 a year before she returned. 
 
 I learned afterward that her father scared her into 
 believing that if she married me it would kill him and 
 she promised finally that she would never marry me 
 without his consent and would not talk to me at any 
 time. She kept her promise. Three times since I have 
 
O N E M A N 179 
 
 met her on the street and each time she has only nodded 
 to me. 
 
 The next few days I spent loafing around and in a 
 
 mood to end my life. Mr. K sent for me to come 
 
 to his office. He had sold out his business and had an 
 office in one of the big buildings down town. I was 
 looking very poorly and he asked me what ailed me. I 
 told about losing Jean and he was so sympathetic that 
 I broke down and told him all about my former life. 
 He was greatly shocked at my story but told me to 
 cheer up. He asked me about the note and I told him 
 I had loaned the proceeds, coming from the settlement, 
 to my brother-in-law. He believed me and in every 
 way showed his faith and confidence in me. 
 
 During these past few months I had been smoking 
 on an average of fifteen cigarettes a day. 
 
 I finally decided to go to Portland, Oregon, and after 
 selling Jean s engagement ring for a hundred dollars, I 
 again went West. 
 
 During the trip out I brooded over the events of my 
 life and when the car ferry was crossing the Willamette 
 River, I tried to jump overboard but was held back by 
 the other passengers. I stayed in Portland just one 
 day and then took the train for home. 
 
 Upon my arrival Mr. K sent for me and when 
 
 I called at his office he told me he had invested some 
 money in a big instalment store with the idea of buying 
 a half-interest later. He wanted me to go in and take 
 care of the office and cash, and I accepted the position 
 at twenty dollars a week. 
 
CHAPTER XXVI 
 
 THE firm in which he had invested his money was 
 in a bad way financially and after a thorough 
 examination of the books, I found a leak in the 
 cashier s department. We discharged the cashier and 
 placed Carrie, the girl who had formerly worked for 
 Mr. K , in the position. 
 
 I worked hard and faithfully and earned my money 
 the first three months. In July I received a letter 
 from the receiver of the old store, stating that unless 
 I settled up for the shortage in the accounts, they 
 would bring suit against me. A few days later, I 
 
 showed this letter to Mr. K and he, having a great 
 
 personal dislike for the receiver, told me to give him 
 the letter and he would settle it. He came back in an 
 hour and said that I could settle the whole thing for a 
 hundred dollars cash and advised me to do it. I told 
 him I had no money, so he made me sign a note for a 
 hundred dollars and advanced me the money, telling 
 me I could repay him at the rate of five dollars a week. 
 This was only another example of the man s great kind 
 ness to me during those years. 
 
 A few nights before the five-hundred-dollar note fell 
 due I went down to Mr. K s home and there in his 
 
 library told him I would be unable to pay the note when 
 
 180 
 
N E M A N 181 
 
 it came due. He seemed a little put out, but said he 
 would take care of it and I could give him a new note 
 for the old one and pay the interest later, which I did. 
 It took me three years to pay the entire note. 
 
 Early in October, I learned of Maud s disappearance 
 from C . This was the last I ever heard of her. 
 
 In May of the next year my father showed that he 
 had at last gained faith in my efforts. He put in my 
 application to his lodge and I was made a member. 
 This was the greatest evidence of his love and faith that 
 he had ever given me. I determined to be worthy of it. 
 
 I had worked hard during the Fall and Winter and 
 had behaved myself. I longed for word from Jean but 
 none came, even though I wrote twice to her Southern 
 address. 
 
 I shall always believe that she saw truth in the mass 
 of evidence against me which her father laid before her. 
 She saw in time, too, for I know now that a girl brought 
 up as she had been could not have stood the whispers 
 which in some unknown way would surely circulate 
 among her friends regarding my old record. No mat 
 ter how decent I became some people would always re 
 member the old stories and be constantly keeping them 
 alive. And anyway, I had not yet learned my lesson. 
 She had everything to lose and, after all, nothing to 
 gain. 
 
 Her marriage two years ago has brought her a world 
 of happiness as I could see by her expression when I 
 met her on the street recently in a far Western city. 
 She spoke to me kindly as we stood there talking a few 
 
182 ONE MAN 
 
 moments but she did not know how glad I was for her 
 sake that she had not married me. 
 
 About May 15th, Mr. K decided not to buy into 
 
 the store and went West. A few days later he sent for 
 me and I went out to him. 
 
 He started up a new business and I travelled on the 
 road all Summer and Fall for him, leaving his employ 
 when the weather turned cold. 
 
 I came home to rest up, but within a few days was 
 asked to take charge of a factory in the city. I ac 
 cepted the position and held it for fifteen months, dur 
 ing which time I quit stealing and braced up. After 
 going for a year without getting into any deviltry, I 
 began to see daylight ahead, but in January at a mu 
 sical I met a married woman who lived in an apartment 
 house in the best part of the city. We took a liking 
 to each other and as her husband was away I spent a 
 good many evenings with her. 
 
 He came home unexpectedly one evening and I had 
 to get out the back way in a hurry. This scared me 
 so I did not make any more calls there. 
 
 Shortly after this incident, I received an offer of a 
 position in a big factory in Chicago and accepted it. 
 
 I was now past twenty-seven years of age and had 
 given up all hope of ever getting married and having a 
 home, a wife and babies of my own, but I was determined 
 to make a big success of my business life. The trouble 
 in the store had not become generally known and my 
 past was never mentioned by any one. My little sis 
 ter was being brought up in entire ignorance of this 
 
O N E M A N 183 
 
 part of my life and to this day does not know of it. 
 Father had begun to make a companion of me and 
 Mother was very proud of my progress. For the past 
 two years I had been drawing a salary of fifteen hun 
 dred dollars a year and I had a host of acquaintances 
 who in some ways made life very pleasant for me. 
 
 Of course, there were some people, particularly 
 friends of Jean s father, who talked about me consider 
 ably, but as we lived in a community composed princi 
 pally of gossips this was nothing to worry about. I 
 had begun to realize the terrible sorrow and suffering 
 which I had brought upon my father and mother and I 
 tried to atone for it by being decent. I drank very 
 little and once in a great while went on a quiet little 
 tear on a Saturday night. It was but natural that 
 after all of my dissipation in the preceding years, the 
 beast in me should crop out once in a while and I figured 
 it was best to go among the other beasts at such times. 
 And to this day, I believe my attitude on this question 
 was correct. 
 
 The one thing that held me down and helped make 
 a beast of me had a more powerful grip on me at this 
 time than ever before. I was smoking and inhaling on 
 an average of twenty cigarettes a day. They were 
 gradually sapping up my health and vitality and try 
 as I would I could not stop using them. 
 
CHAPTER XXVII 
 
 WHEN I took up my work in Chicago, I went 
 to live with my sister Mary at her earnest 
 request. She had married one of these 
 clean young men, who have never done wrong and know 
 nothing of. sin and its so-called pleasures. He held a 
 very good position which, together with the dividends 
 on his stock, netted him close to five thousand a year. 
 They lived in a flat in a very fashionable neighborhood 
 and their living expenses amounted to three-fourths of 
 their income. 
 
 Mary still had her violent temper and snobbish ways 
 and I used to look at her husband and wonder how he 
 stood it all in silence. It seemed to me at times that 
 if he would " gentle her down " a little, she would have 
 more respect for him. I don t believe any wife to 
 day respects and admires a husband she can order 
 around like a house dog. 
 
 Owing to my work in the factory and the distance 
 to town, I had to get up every morning at five-thirty. 
 The maid served my breakfast and I took my lunch at 
 a saloon near the factory. Dinner at night was al 
 ways kept awaiting my arrival. Mary was very good 
 
 to me during the weeks I lived at her home. 
 
 184 
 
O N E M A N 185 
 
 Mj work kept me on the jump and after five weeks 
 of it I quit without giving the owners any notice. Mr. 
 
 D , the president of the company, had been very 
 
 good to me. One day just before I quit he called me 
 into his office and said to me, " Robert, you should go 
 about your work more quietly. You get too excited 
 and you have an idea that the whole plant depends on 
 you for existence. You have an exaggerated idea of 
 your own importance around here. Go about your 
 work in a sane, quiet way and I hope to see you become 
 a very valuable employe of this concern." 
 
 This talk hurt me, because I had worked hard, but 
 his words did me a lot of good later. I also had occa 
 sion later on to sincerely regret leaving him without 
 notice. This was where I made my first serious mis 
 take in my new business career. 
 
 Within the next few days I made application to the 
 Chicago branch of a Cleveland factory for a position. 
 The branch manager took the matter up with the Cleve 
 land people and a few days later I was told to proceed 
 to Cleveland for an interview at the factory. 
 
 At this time I was nearly broke, having only about 
 five dollars above the railroad fare. My clothes were 
 not very good and I was greatly worried over the im 
 pression I might make at the factory. The branch 
 manager was very anxious for me to get a position with 
 his firm, as the concern which had employed me in Chi 
 cago was his worst competitor and I suppose he figured 
 that I would be grateful for his assistance and give 
 
186 ONE MAN 
 
 away to him the business secrets of my former employer. 
 So he agreed to pay my expenses down to Cleveland 
 and back if I did not land the position. 
 
 I knew that I could handle the work and figured that 
 I could, with my knowledge of the business, overcome 
 any bad impression which might be created by my 
 somewhat shabby appearance. 
 
 When I landed in Cleveland I had just three dollars 
 in my pocket, but I had made up my mind to land that 
 position. 
 
 After an hour s talk with the general manager and his 
 son, who was his assistant, I was given a position as JL 
 travelling salesman and had signed a year s contract. 
 They gave me a hundred dollars expense money and 
 after a few days in the factory I returned to Chicago on 
 my way to my Western territory. 
 
 I stayed in Chicago two days, and was with the local 
 manager most of the time. He attempted to pump me 
 regarding the inner workings of my former employer s 
 business and the prices at which he sold goods to the big 
 State Street stores. I claimed ignorance regarding 
 the price question, and what little information I gave 
 him did not hurt my former employer in any way. I 
 may not have had much sense of honor, but somehow 
 I did not want to betray my former employer s busi-< 
 ness secrets. 
 
 I learned several months afterwards that after I left 
 Chicago on my first trip, the local manager went to 
 several of the large State Street buyers saying that I 
 had quit my former employer and had entered the em- 
 
O N E M A N 187 
 
 ploy of his firm and that he had found out from me that 
 some of the stores were getting better prices than oth 
 ers from my former employer. This sounded plausible 
 to some of the buyers and caused a lot of trouble for 
 
 Mr. D . There happened to be considerable truth 
 
 in the claim of our local manager, and while I had not 
 betrayed my former employer, yet he took it for granted 
 that I had. In this way our local manager put another 
 blot on my business reputation. 
 
 My work on the road was very interesting and I made 
 good from the beginning. All my expenses were paid 
 and I received a salary of fifteen hundred dollars a year. 
 The firm was the largest of its kind in the world and I 
 was very hopeful for the future. 
 
 July saw me in Chicago for a month s work at the 
 local branch. 
 
 During the latter part of the month, in company 
 with another salesman in our employ, I went out to 
 Riverview Park one evening. We had had several 
 drinks and were feeling somewhat elated. 
 
 On the car going out to the Park I noticed a very 
 beautiful girl sitting in the seat across the aisle and 
 called Frank s attention to her. He made several re 
 marks with the idea of attracting her attention, but she 
 did not turn around. When we reached the Park, this 
 girl was met by another girl, and we followed them 
 through the entrance gate. 
 
 They stopped near the big candy wheel and stood 
 watching the crowd. I had made several remarks re 
 garding the appearance of the girl whom we had no- 
 
188 ONE M A N 
 
 ticed on the car and Frank, who was feeling pretty 
 good, said that he would go over and bring her over to 
 me. Sure enough, he went over to them and after a 
 little hesitation on their part brought them over and 
 introduced them to me. 
 
 We bought a number of chances on the candy wheel, 
 and after the girls had each won we walked around, 
 taking in the different attractions. Finally Frank sug 
 gested a drink, and we sat down at one of the little 
 round tables in front of the orchestra shell. The girls 
 were willing to drink, and by eleven o clock the bunch 
 was a little the worse for liquor. We then went across 
 the street from the Park entrance to a big wine room 
 and stayed there for a half hour. 
 
 In here I had a chance to talk to the pretty girl and 
 found out that her name was Marie. She was a quiet 
 girl and very refined and I could not understand her 
 picking up with strange men. From her attitude that 
 evening she appeared to be a girl who had had some 
 serious trouble and was trying to forget it in a rather 
 reckless existence. 
 
 I took her home on the car and at the gate of the 
 house where she lived with her mother and brother, we 
 stood talking for a long time. She promised to call 
 me up the next day and said she had enjoyed meeting 
 me, as I was a little different from most men and that 
 there was nothing " fresh " about me. As I was leav 
 ing I asked her if she was going to kiss me good night. 
 She stepped back from the gate a little and said that 
 she did not know me well enough yet to do that. I re- 
 
O N E M A N 189 
 
 spected her for this and made up my mind then and 
 there to see her again. 
 
 I met Frank on the corner, as agreed upon, and 
 we rode to the hotel together. He had taken a liking 
 to the girl to whom he had been paying attention during 
 the evening, but he said that I must have fallen 
 in love with Marie, seeing that I raved so much about 
 her. 
 
 We hardly expected the girls to call us up next day, 
 but they did, and we made an appointment to meet them 
 at a Monroe Street restaurant the next evening. 
 
 We met them as a*greed upon, and had a nice dinner. 
 In order to make an impression, I ordered two bottles 
 of wine with the dinner, and after I had paid the check, 
 which amounted to nineteen dollars, we left the place 
 in rather a wobbly condition. After a visit to a few 
 down-town wine rooms, we took the girls home on the 
 car. Frank s girl was sick, so we all stood out in the 
 front vestibule, where there was more air. 
 
 Arriving at Marie s home, I sat out on the front 
 steps with her in the moonlight until two o clock, and 
 when I went home she seemed more than willing to kiss 
 me good night. 
 
 A few evenings later I took her to dinner with me and 
 after dinner took her home in a taxi-cab. On the way 
 home I asked her if she did not want to ride around 
 Lincoln Park a little while, and she said " Yes." 
 
 When I came to pay the driver, after we reached her 
 home, I owed him eleven dollars, and this taught me a 
 lesson regarding love rides in a taxi. 
 
190 ONE MAN 
 
 Marie was very affectionate with me that evening 
 and when I finally left we had agreed to meet again the 
 next evening. 
 
 Upon the following evening we had quite a few drinks 
 with our dinner and later in the evening we finally went 
 to one of the hotels on Wabash Avenue. 
 
 We had to take an elevator to get to the hotel office, 
 and when the car stopped and the door had been opened, 
 we saw a nigger bell hop standing there. He motioned 
 Marie to the parlor, and I went to the desk and regis 
 tered under an assumed name. We had no baggage, 
 and I was surprised at the ease with which we obtained 
 a room. The hotel clerk asked me how old Marie was, 
 and I asked him how old she had to be. He laughed 
 and said, " Eighteen," so I told him she was nineteen. 
 I had been told about the place before, but was afraid 
 we could not get in, as Marie looked so young. 
 
 We went to this place several times during the month, 
 and I began to think a great deal of Marie. She was 
 willing to meet me any evening upon short notice, and 
 from this I judged she was not running around with 
 other men. She was employed in the office of one of 
 the universities and was well educated. During all the 
 time I went with her I never heard her use a coarse or 
 vulgar expression. 
 
 She had one bad habit, smoking cigarettes, but at 
 that time I thought it looked cute to see her puffing 
 away on a cigarette. She inhaled the smoke and 
 showed a familiarity with different brands. 
 
O N E M A N 191 
 
 The first of August I took up my road work, and on 
 each trip back to Chicago Marie always came to the 
 train to meet me. I began to seriously think of asking 
 her to marry me. While she had not been a good girl, 
 yet I felt that that fact should not make any differ 
 ence. 
 
 My own life had been anything but decent, and I 
 thought that I should not expect to receive more than 
 I could give. I had known of several cases where girls 
 like Marie had married and been happy with their hus 
 bands, but never a case where a girl had happily mar 
 ried the man responsible for her downfall. 
 
 In September I received a letter from the Cleveland 
 office ordering me to come there at once. At first I 
 thought I was to be discharged, but I knew I had done 
 exceedingly well in my work and could see no reason for 
 such a thing happening unless my old history had 
 leaked out. 
 
 It was with considerable trepidation that I entered 
 
 Mr. G s private office one morning. He was not 
 
 at his desk, but his son sat at another desk in the room. 
 While waiting for the manager I sat sizing up his son 
 for the first time, and somehow I did not like his ap 
 pearance. He looked tricky and deceitful. Finally 
 he turned from his desk and said, " I suppose you won 
 der why we sent for you. Do you expect to be fired? " 
 I told him I had no idea what they wanted of me, but 
 that I did know I had tried hard to make my work a 
 success. He turned back to his desk with a mut- 
 
192 ONE M A N 
 
 tcrcd, " Bet you have." I did not like his remarks at 
 all, especially in view of the fact that he was just about 
 my age. 
 
 When his father came in he shook hands with me 
 and asked me to wait until he was through with his 
 mail, which had been opened for him by a tall, blonde 
 girl sitting at a small table in the corner of the room. 
 This girl s big grey eyes had attracted my attention 
 the moment I came into the room, but I could not re 
 member having noticed her before. She was a soft- 
 spoken girl and very quiet at her w r ork. 
 
 Finally Mr. G. turned to me and told me he was 
 greatly pleased with my work. I had heard that he 
 was a man who seldom praised any one s work, and my 
 heart began to beat high with hope. He then told me 
 that after considerable thought he had decided to offer 
 me a position in the office as sales manager at a salary 
 of two thousand dollars a year. He went on to tell 
 me the duties attached to the position and that I would 
 be in charge of all the salesmen and the branch houses. 
 He then told me to take time to think over his proposi 
 tion if I so desired, but I told him after considerable 
 stammering that I would take the position immediately. 
 His son turned around and said, " I ll help you to make 
 a big success of the work, old man," and so the matter 
 was settled. As I rose from my chair, I caught a 
 glimpse of the peculiar expression on the face of the 
 girl sitting at the little table. She seemed pleased over 
 something. 
 
 The next day I was initiated into my new duties, 
 
O N E M A N 193 
 
 and Mr. G decided to turn part of his work over 
 
 to his son, whose name was Harry, and to have Harry 
 turn some of his work over to me. They then gave me 
 the grey-eyed girl from their office to help me. This 
 girl, whose name was Hattie, was given a flat-topped 
 desk immediately back of mine. Part of her duties in 
 assisting me was to take down the special letters I 
 wished to dictate, the bulk of my dictation being han 
 dled through talking machines. She also attended to 
 ,many of the minor details of my work. During the 
 next few days I was very busy learning the ropes and 
 did not have any chance to notice anything around me. 
 I wrote to Marie telling her of my good fortune, and 
 received a mournful little letter in reply, congratulating 
 me on my promotion. 
 
 On my twenty-eighth birthday, which came the lat 
 ter part of the month, I mentioned the fact to Hattie, 
 and during our few moments conversation she told me 
 her age, but would not believe that I was only eight 
 years older than she. Then, when I had said some 
 thing about its being a lonely city, she invited me to 
 call and see her some evening. I thanked her and told 
 her I would do so after I had settled down to my work. 
 
 A few days later Harry came to me late one after 
 noon and said he wanted me to go home with him for 
 dinner that night. I hesitated somewhat, but he told 
 me there would be no one else there but his wife and 
 babies and that I simply had to come. 
 
 When I was introduced to his wife, upon our arrival 
 at his flat, I was so flustered I could hardly acknowledge 
 
194 N E M A N 
 
 the introduction. She was of the blonde type and one 
 of the most beautiful women I had ever seen. When 
 our eyes met the strangest feeling came over me, just as 
 if we had met somewhere before. 
 
 She was very gracious toward me, and succeeded in 
 making me feel at home in a very few moments. They 
 brought the two baby girls to me and I fell in love with 
 them immediately. They were beautiful children and 
 before I knew it I was holding one on each knee. 
 
 At dinner both Harry and his wife, whom he ad 
 dressed as Nadine, treated me as if they had known me 
 for years. Harry called me Bob and talked to me in 
 the familiar way common among boy chums. After 
 dinner he played the pianola and later, when his wife 
 played, he criticised her playing and I saw then that 
 he was of a domineering type and accustomed to having 
 his own way around home. She could not help but feel 
 hurt at his actions, but succeeded very well in control 
 ling any outward evidence of feeling. 
 
 Later in the evening she took me into the nursery to 
 see the sleeping babes and I told her they were the most 
 beautiful children I had ever seen. As I stood there and 
 looked down on those two little children, somehow a 
 feeling came to me that I should never have any little 
 ones like those. 
 
 About ten o clock we had a few bottles of beer and 
 when I left I thanked them both sincerely for one of the 
 most pleasant evenings in my life. 
 
 The following Saturday evening I went to call upon 
 Hattie, who lived in one of the suburbs of the city. 
 
O N E M A N 195 
 
 Her home was a little frame house, very plainly fur 
 nished. Her father was one of those short, fat, loose- 
 lipped men with self-indulgence showing in every line 
 in his face. Her mother was a tall, thin, dark-eyed 
 woman, very nervous and looking as if she was com 
 pletely tired out. Her brother was a young fellow, 
 who appeared to be of a very moody and morose dispo 
 sition. 
 
 There was a big fire burning in the parlor grate, 
 and after the whole family had sat around a half hour 
 in stiff-backed chairs talking about the weather, they 
 withdrew, leaving Hattie and me alone. She pulled two 
 big chairs up in front of the fireplace and we sat down 
 to get acquainted. 
 
 I learned much of her family s history that evening 
 and she also told me a great deal about herself. She 
 was a plain-looking girl, except for her eyes and beau 
 tiful light hair. Her voice was low pitched and when 
 she talked to me she had a way of looking square into 
 my eyes which affected me strangely. 
 
 When I said good night to her in a formal way, she 
 invited me to call again the following Wednesday. 
 
 Being in a strange city and having my evenings to 
 myself, I was very lonesome. Instead of remaining in 
 my rooms evenings I walked around down town consid 
 erable. I smoked a great many cigarettes these days 
 and took a few drinks occasionally. 
 
 I welcomed the opportunity afforded me by Hattie s 
 invitations and began to call upon her regularly three 
 times a week. 
 
196 ONE MAN 
 
 The third week in October, I again went to dinner at 
 Harry s home. This time I had a long talk with his 
 wife. She had attended school in Washington, D. C., 
 with one of the girl friends of my childhood, and this 
 fact helped us to get acquainted. Harry was playing 
 the piano and paying no attention to our conversation. 
 She told me she had married Harry against her parents 
 wishes and had been practically disowned by her folks. 
 I learned later that she was a daughter of old man 
 C of Philadelphia and had been brought up sur 
 rounded by every luxury. When I left that evening 
 somehow I felt sorry for her. 
 
 Several times during these days I noticed that Hattie 
 and Harry called each other by their first names. 
 This seemed a little unusual, but I did not pay much at 
 tention to them until one day I came suddenly into the 
 private office and found her standing close to his chair. 
 They both started when I came in and Harry flushed 
 up and asked me rather tartly what I wanted. 
 
 Somehow this incident made me jealous of Hattie. 
 I had called on her several times and was beginning to 
 think a great deal of her. The thought came to me 
 several times that I should not allow myself to fall in 
 love with her because of my past, but I was so lonesome 
 evenings that before I knew it I was a constant visitor 
 at her home. This had gone on for a month and we 
 had never said a word about love. Once or twice dur 
 ing my visits our hands had met, and I had noticed that 
 she acted queerly upon these occasions. 
 
CHAPTER XXVIII 
 
 AS I look back now over mj courtship of Hat- 
 tie I wonder why I acted as I did. I think 
 that the fact that I had made so much of a 
 success in my business life gave me a false sense of se 
 curity regarding my past record. I wanted a wife 
 and a home and I did want children of my own and I 
 did want to be a respected business man. Of course, I 
 was lonesome and in a strange city and Hattie had 
 been so kind in the office that I naturally turned to 
 her for companionship. My courting her was not 
 prompted by a love of her as my ideal woman. She 
 came of a poor family and she worked to earn the 
 clothes she wore. She did not have any talents partic 
 ularly and I did not notice that she had any ideals 
 such as a young woman should have. Yet I did love 
 her, but not with the real love which comes to a man 
 but once in a lifetime. 
 
 As to why she wanted me to come and see her, later 
 events brought out her reason. 
 
 One evening, while we were sitting in front of the big 
 grate fire at her home, I was debating with myself as to 
 whether or not I should go any further with our friend 
 ship. She sat there near me in a big easy chair watch 
 ing the play of the little flames over the coals. Every 
 
 197 
 
198 ONE MAN 
 
 time I moved my hands or turned my head she looked 
 up quickly at me. It seemed always as if she was wait 
 ing for something that hadn t been said as yet. 
 
 More in a spirit of experiment than anything else I 
 told her that I had been a wild devil and had raised hell 
 generally for several years. Then I asked her if that 
 would make any difference in our friendship. She came 
 right back promptly with the remark that it did not 
 make any difference what I had done, that she was my 
 friend and she could tell I had seen a lot of the world. 
 The warmth and apparent sincerity of her remark drew 
 me closer to her and I can remember that my heart beat 
 just a little faster then. I told her that I wanted a 
 home and children of my own, but that my old life had 
 been such that I did not think I would ever ask any 
 woman to marry me. She flared up immediately in my 
 defence, saying that as long as I had learned to behave 
 myself I had a right to ask any woman to marry me. 
 
 Our talk drifted around for the first time to love and 
 later I spoke banteringly of my having been there at 
 her home so many times in the few weeks I had known 
 her and she had never kissed me good night. 
 
 She blushed and said she had long ago made up her 
 mind never to kiss any man until she was engaged to 
 him. I can remember so well how a little later she got 
 up out of her easy chair and after rearranging some 
 pictures on the mantel seated herself on the big divan 
 in the corner. I remained where I was and we talked 
 across the room for a few minutes ; then I got up and 
 crossed over to her side. 
 
ONE MAN 199 
 
 There were several pillows piled in one end of the 
 divan, leaving barely room enough for the two of us. 
 We sat there watching the play of the flames in the 
 grate. There was no other light in the room. Out 
 side the wind was howling a gale, and I knew I had a 
 long, cold walk to the car line and then a tiresome ride 
 into the city and a lonely hour in my bachelor quarters 
 before turning in. 
 
 She sat there so close to me and seemed to care for 
 me in such a way that I suddenly seemed to feel that I 
 needed her. I could feel the warmth of her body so 
 near mine and it seemed to me that I could be happy 
 with her as my wife. In a rather halting manner I 
 asked her what she thought of marriage. She told me 
 then that she, too, wanted a little home to take care of 
 and a husband, but she didn t say anything about chil 
 dren. At the time I thought this was due to natural 
 modesty. Hearing her views so plainly expressed I 
 turned to her and told her I had grown to care a great 
 deal for her and asked her if she cared for me. She 
 owned up that she had cared for me since the day 
 I had first entered the office. 
 
 The next minute I was asking her to marry me and 
 receiving her promise. Then she kissed me with a pas 
 sion and force that startled me. Right there, some 
 thing seemed to warn me that I had made a mistake, 
 but this feeling passed almost as quickly as it came. 
 
 The next evening when I arrived at the house her 
 father opened the door for me and when I stepped into 
 the parlor I noticed that the folding doors opening 
 
200 ONE M A N 
 
 into the sitting-room were closed. I took advantage 
 of the opportunity and asked for Hattie s hand. He 
 said he feared this was coming and that he hated to 
 lose his only daughter. He also said he did not know 
 much about me, only what Hattie had said and he asked 
 me to give him some references to whom he could write 
 and inquire as to my standing. I gave him two names 
 and he then said that if the answers were satisfactory 
 he would give his consent. 
 
 There were tears in his eyes as he called Hattie and 
 her mother into the room and told them of my request. 
 Hattie s mother kissed me and said she knew I would 
 be good to her little girl. 
 
 For some time past Harry and I had been in the habit 
 of going to lunch together and a few days after I 
 had asked Hattie to marry me, I was at lunch with 
 him. 
 
 Looking up from the table I said, " Harry, old sport, 
 I am going to marry one of your Cleveland girls." He 
 was just lifting his spoon to his mouth and holding it 
 in mid-air said, " The hell, you say who is the dame? " 
 I answered, " Hattie." In a flash his face became 
 chalky white and dropping the spoon and contents into 
 his lap, he muttered, " God, man ! " He didn t seem 
 able to say anything more for a moment, but he finally 
 mustered up a weak smile and held out his hand to me. 
 I can remember so well how cold and clammy it felt and 
 how it shook. We both laughed over his dropping the 
 spoon and finished our lunch. On the way back to the 
 office he insisted that I take a good big drink with him 
 
O N E M A N 201 
 
 and suggested that we say nothing around the office 
 about our engagement. 
 
 That night I wrote to Father and Mother asking 
 them if they thought I had done right in becoming en 
 gaged. 
 
 The next afternoon Harry s wife phoned, asking me 
 to come out to dinner with him that evening. Upon 
 my arrival she greeted me a little coldly, I thought, but 
 congratulated me upon my engagement. After dinner 
 she asked me a few questions about my engagement and 
 how long I had known Hattie. She acted queerly all 
 the evening and once, while Harry was playing the pi 
 ano, I noticed tears in her eyes and I thought that per 
 haps Harry had quarrelled with her that morning. She 
 held my hand an instant longer than usual in parting 
 that evening and I wondered at it. 
 
 Hattie and I had decided to be married January 12th 
 and my folks said in their letter to me that they would 
 not be able to come to my wedding if it were held in 
 Cleveland. Father asked me in his letter if I was sure 
 I had known the girl long enough. 
 
 I did not have much money at this time and told Hat- 
 tie so plainly. I told her I wanted to get her an en 
 gagement ring but that I did not see how I could do so 
 and also afford a wedding trip. She acted very nice 
 about it and chose the engagement ring. 
 
 In the first part of December it was decided in the 
 office that I was to go to Chicago the 14th and remain 
 there until the 21st, meeting and instructing our sales 
 men on the next season s work. 
 
202 ONE MAN 
 
 Hattie s father had received answers to his letters 
 regarding me and had given his consent to our marriage. 
 Hattie had quit work at the office and was getting 
 ready for the wedding. When I told her that night 
 about my intended trip she began crying and said that 
 I would see Marie in Chicago. I had told her about 
 knowing Marie and she knew that I had received several 
 letters from her. 
 
 Hattie acted so unreasonable and excited over my in 
 tended trip and showed such a lack of faith in me, that 
 again something told me I had made a mistake in ask 
 ing her to marry me. When I left her that night we 
 had had our first little quarrel. 
 
 The next day was Sunday and I went to the house 
 in the morning. We had made up our little quarrel 
 of the evening before when suddenly she suggested that 
 we be married before I went away so I could take her 
 with me. I was a little surprised at her suggestion, as 
 she knew I could not very well afford it. But I fig 
 ured for half an hour and finally decided I could get 
 through with it in some way. So I agreed to it. We 
 persuaded her folks to consent to our plan and decided 
 to have a very quiet home wedding. They were to ask 
 only a few intimate friends and I intended asking Harrj 
 and Nadine. 
 
 When I asked him he said they would be delighted to 
 come. 
 
 The next few days were busy ones for me, as there 
 was a lot of work to be finished before I left on my trip. 
 I was at that time occupying a two-room apartment 
 
O N E M A N 203 
 
 and Hattie and I decided to stay there after our return 
 until we could find a flat. I had only a hundred and 
 fifty dollars, but my December salary would be due 
 January first and we had decided to buy our furniture 
 on the instalment plan. 
 
 We were to be married December the twelfth at six- 
 thirty in the evening. The night before, I sat up very 
 late destroying old love letters and photographs and 
 such stuff. I had been over at Hattie s home during 
 the evening and had found things all torn up and every 
 one excited. 
 
 We sat alone for a few moments in front of the big 
 grate fire, silent and thinking of the morrow. When I 
 left she gave me a little package she wished me to put in 
 my grip. She blushed when she gave it to me and I 
 could not understand it. Her trunk was to be sent ac 
 cording to my directions the next day as we did not 
 want any one to know which route we were going to 
 take. 
 
 The day of the wedding I worked at the office until 
 one thirty, then I hurried down town on different little 
 errands and then to my room, where I dressed for the 
 wedding. 
 
 At five o clock I reached Hattie s home and was or 
 dered to stay in the parlor out of the way. At six 
 o clock Harry and his wife arrived. Harry greeted me 
 with a hand shake and his wife took both my hands in 
 hers and held them for just a moment. She was beauti 
 fully dressed. A few moments later the rest of the 
 guests arrived. I told Harry and his wife that I felt 
 
204 ONE MAN 
 
 like I was going to break down. He spoke up and said 
 that if I did he would choke me. 
 
 At a few moments before six thirty the guests seated 
 themselves in the parlor, with Harry and his wife stand 
 ing close to the fireplace, which had been banked with 
 ferns. 
 
 I can remember, as if it were only yesterday, my feel 
 ings as I looked over the motley array of guests. 
 There was the little dressmaker, who had made the wed 
 ding gown, a couple of railroad brakemen and their 
 wives, and a saloonkeeper with his wife. I did not 
 know the rest of the crowd, which numbered about twen 
 ty-five all told. Nadine stood over at one side and 
 somehow her presence gave me comfort. The feeling 
 of disgust and lonesomeness that came over me as I 
 watched these people crowded into that little room made 
 me feel faint and I wondered what my mother would say 
 could she see them all. I was glad, in a way, she could 
 not, and a feeling of resentment filled my heart for a 
 moment, until that old saying, " Beggars cannot be 
 choosers," came to my mind. 
 
 A big smilax bell hung in the double doorway between 
 the parlor and sitting-room, and suspended from the 
 centre of it was a bunch of mistletoe. The minister 
 whispered a few words of instruction to me and just a 
 minute before the hour set, Hattie came through the 
 hallway into the room, leaning on her father s arm. 
 She was dressed all in white, and looked more beautiful 
 to me than ever before. 
 
 The tears came to my eyes as I took my place beside 
 
O N E M A N 205 
 
 her under the bell and the minister began the service. 
 I cannot remember the service, only that I seemed to an 
 swer at the proper time. I was thinking of my father 
 and mother and sister at home and their not caring 
 enough for me to come to my wedding. As the minister 
 finished the service, I kissed Hattie and as I did so my 
 eyes met those of Nadine. The tears were rolling down 
 her cheeks. 
 
 After nearly everybody had kissed the bride and 
 shaken hands with me, Nadine came to me and holding 
 out her hands, said, " Bobbie, I do wish you good for 
 tune." 
 
 After the wedding supper had been served in the 
 crowded little dining-room, my father-in-law mixed the 
 punch and the furniture having been removed the guests 
 began dancing. They made my wife play one dance for 
 them. 
 
 The punch was very strong and it was not long 
 until its effects were more than noticeable on some of 
 the assembled guests. My father-in-law asked me to 
 call him by his first name and kept insisting that I 
 should have another drink. 
 
 I had ordered an auto to call for us at nine o clock 
 and had told no one about it but Hattie. At half past 
 eight she slipped away and soon returned dressed in her 
 travelling gown. When the sound of the horn an 
 nounced the arrival of the car, we made a run for it 
 amid a shower of rice and old shoes. We had not told 
 them which road we were going to take and we managed 
 to escape the intended, demonstration at the depot. 
 
206 O N E M A N 
 
 Once in the drawing-room on the Pullman, we shook 
 the rice out of our wraps until the floor was covered. 
 I can remember how embarrassed I was when I found 
 my overcoat pocket filled with little china dolls. 
 
 The berths were not made up, so after taking off our 
 wraps I turned out the lights and we sat there for a 
 long time, her head resting on my shoulder, while we 
 watched the moonlit landscape flying past. She was 
 very quiet, except for an occasional little crying spell, 
 at which I wondered exceedingly. 
 
 Once the porter came to the door and asked if he 
 should make up the berth and she jumped up excitedly 
 and turning on the lights said, " No ! No ! " I thought 
 I could understand her actions so I told him to come 
 back in half an hour and I then tried to quiet her, but 
 she seemed to grow more excited and kept squeezing my 
 hand convulsively. 
 
 Finally the porter came to make up the berths and 
 asked if he should make up both upper and lower and as 
 she did not say anything, I answered shortly, " Just 
 the lower." 
 
 We sat on the lounge until the berth was ready and 
 she insisted that the curtains be put up on the berth. 
 
 After the porter left I turned out the lights, but she 
 asked me to turn them on again and she began to un 
 dress. This surprised and hurt me and I could not 
 understand it. Earlier in the evening she had objected 
 to my leaving the drawing-room even for a moment, but 
 I firmly excused myself at this moment and told her I 
 would go into the smoking-room while she retired. 
 
ONE MAN 207 
 
 When I came back she was in the berth but the lights 
 were still burning. As I stepped into the room and 
 locked the door behind me something seemed to tell me 
 that everything was not right. The very air seemed 
 charged with impending trouble. I can remember how 
 my heart sank. 
 
 I spoke to her and she answered me in a very faint 
 voice. I turned the lights out and when I was ready to 
 retire I parted the curtains of the berth and finding her 
 hands, took them in mine and asked her to kneel down 
 with me beside the berth and ask God to bless us in the 
 life s journey upon which we were starting. 
 
 She got up and we kneeled down beside the berth and 
 with my arm around her shoulders I silently asked God 
 to bless and help us to be as He wanted us to be, through 
 the coming days. 
 
 After we had finished the prayer she asked me rather 
 chokingly to leave the little light in the ceiling burning 
 and I did so. After we had retired she asked me to 
 close the berth curtains, which I did. Then she raised 
 the window shade, letting in a flood of pale, silvery 
 moonlight and asked me to put my arms around her. 
 
CHAPTER XXIX 
 
 AFTER I had taken her in my arms she looked 
 up into my eyes. If I live to be a million 
 years old, I can never forget how she looked 
 with that unearthly light on her face, the tears rolling 
 down her cheeks and that awful, newborn fear in her 
 eyes ; never can I forget those first words she uttered 
 as she drew me close to her body " Bobbie, I have not 
 been a good girl, and something is wrong with me. I 
 am sick." 
 
 Ah God! I aged ten years in that moment and my 
 heart stopped beating, I know. I couldn t believe it. 
 I just couldn t, but after a moment the realization 
 came to me that after all it might be true, and then my 
 questions came thick and fast. To most of them she 
 returned no answer, but to my question, " Hattie, was 
 there more than one man?" she said "Yes." Then, 
 and not until then, did I feel like turning from her. I 
 got up and dressed at once. I can remember my being 
 unable to find my clothes, I was so blinded with my tears 
 I seemed to be groping around in a daze. And while 
 the swaying train crashed onward through the night 
 and the berth curtains swished about my shoulders, I 
 sat beside her and learned the whole miserable story, 
 
 all except the names of the men. My first duty on the 
 
 208 
 
O N E M A N 209 
 
 morning of the first day of my honeymoon would be 
 to find a doctor to begin the cure of the ailments result 
 ing from my bride s past sins. No, I didn t dare to 
 think about it much then, not until hours afterward. 
 
 Upon our arrival in Chicago, we went to the Annex 
 and occupied the room I had reserved. Many and 
 many a time since have I passed along that hall and a 
 shudder would go through me as I came to that door 
 through which my bride and I passed that morning. 
 
 I made Hattie go to bed and ordered breakfast 
 served in the room. After breakfast I called one of 
 the best physicians in the city and left him with Hattie 
 while I w r ent for a walk. 
 
 He met me at the door of the room as I came back 
 and we went down into the lobby. Then he told me 
 that my wife was in bad shape and would need several 
 months treatment. He knew the whole story, I could 
 see, and his words of advice were well meant as he 
 surely did sympathize with me. But I had half de 
 cided on what to do and wanted to talk with her before 
 I made up my mind definitely. All that day I sat be 
 side her comforting her, for I was truly sorry for her, 
 and underneath all my pain and sorrow I did love her. 
 
 She told me that afternoon that my making her kneel 
 down beside the berth the night before was all that made 
 her tell me she was sick. She had not intended to tell 
 me about that part of it, but in her ignorance sup 
 posed she could avoid the blame and that I would lay it 
 to something else, seeing I was so trusting. But when 
 my arm went around her shoulders while we kneeled there 
 
210 O N E M A N 
 
 she knew that she must tell me and that little prayer of 
 mine that night saved me from what might have been 
 worse than death. 
 
 That evening, after dinner in the room, I told Hattie 
 I was going for a walk and that she must stay in bed, 
 as the doctor was coming again. 
 
 I walked up and down Michigan Avenue between Con 
 gress and 12th Streets in the cold, icy wind blowing 
 off the lake. I could not feel the bitter cold, for my 
 mind was busy with the problem confronting me. What 
 should I do? Should I take her back to her folks and 
 tell them I didn t want her ? I knew that the law would 
 uphold me in getting rid of her. Yet if her folks knew 
 her condition wouldn t they throw her out? Where 
 could she go in her condition? And then the thought 
 came to me, who am I, that I should refuse to do what 
 I can to make good? Couldn t I, after all, take care 
 of her and see that she got well and then wouldn t she 
 love me all the more? Wouldn t she truly appreciate 
 the home I would make for her? It seemed to me as I 
 plodded along through the cold that God had given me 
 this cross to bear in order that I might earn the hap 
 piness of having a wife and a home and perhaps, ba 
 bies. I knew she could be cured, for the doctor had 
 said so plainly that morning. When I returned to the 
 hotel, I had fought the fight and won it, and when I 
 walked into the room where she was, she looked up at 
 me from the bed in such a pitiful, hopeless way that I 
 sank down on my knees beside her and putting my arms 
 around her told her we would get her well and go on just 
 
N E M A N 211 
 
 as if nothing had happened. I did not feel that I was 
 doing anything wonderful, but only that God had set 
 my task and it was up to me to do it. 
 
 Her tears of relief and her promises to do her part 
 repaid me then and there for my heartaches. She slept 
 peacefully the whole night through. 
 
 The next day I was busy part of the time with the 
 men. Harry came to our hotel upon his arrival and 
 when I shook hands with him he acted queerly. I 
 bought him a drink and tried to cheer him up. He made 
 absolutely no reference to my marriage outside of ask 
 ing how my wife was. 
 
 It was after my wife had retired on the second even 
 ing of our stay at the hotel that I found a long switch 
 of false hair on a shelf in the wardrobe. I can remem 
 ber the queer feeling that came over me as I touched it. 
 I knew then how my wife came to have such beautiful 
 hair. I had always had a feeling of antipathy toward 
 anything false or artificial and this was the first time 
 she had let me know that her hair was not her 
 own. 
 
 After my meetings with the men were over my wife 
 and I went out to my sister s for a day or two and re 
 turned to Cleveland on Christmas eve. 
 
 We went immediately to my old apartments and 
 found that the housekeeper had decorated the rooms 
 with holly and mistletoe in honor of our homecoming. 
 My wife called up her folks and told them we were home 
 safe and happy. I talked with them a few moments and 
 told them I was the happiest man on earth. The next 
 
O N E M A N 
 
 day we went out to Hattie s home for dinner and spent 
 the afternoon with her folks. 
 
 Up to this time I had not talked much with her folks 
 and did not know them very well, but during this Christ 
 mas afternoon I had my eyes opened a little. 
 
 I had been out in the kitchen talking to her mother 
 and was walking through the hall in search of her when 
 I heard her father s voice in the sitting-room and think 
 ing she was with him I walked towards the door. As I 
 drew near, I heard her father reach the climax of a 
 coarse joke and then came a shriek of laughter from 
 her. When I entered the room, I saw her sitting on her 
 father s knee and in one hand she held a glass of hot 
 toddy, the one thing the doctor had forbidden her to 
 touch. I was so overcome for a moment that I could 
 hardly speak and noting the look of surprise on my 
 face, she looked at me a little defiantly and took a sip 
 out of the glass. I couldn t say anything in front of 
 her father as I did not want them to know her condi 
 tion. He wanted to make me a drink, but I refused it 
 as nicely as I could. It did not seem right that she 
 should deliberately do the one thing that would keep 
 her from getting well. 
 
 That night, as we went back to our apartments, I 
 made her promise not to touch another drop of liquor, 
 no matter who asked her to. 
 
 I went to the office next day and Mr. G told me 
 
 to take a few days vacation. 
 
 Early in the evening a big box arrived from my home. 
 It contained our wedding present from my folks, 
 
ONE MAN 
 
 a big chest of silver and also our Christmas presents. 
 
 One thin, flat package was addressed to Hattie in 
 my mother s handwriting. When she opened it, we 
 found it contained a picture of myself when I was a lit 
 tle tot wearing curls and with the picture was one of the 
 curls tied with a pink ribbon. 
 
 Hattie put the picture and curls under her pillow 
 that night and I woke up along about two o clock to 
 find her crying, but she wouldn t tell me the reason. 
 
 The next day we went out looking for a flat and 
 finally found a beautiful little five-room apartment in a 
 new building in the suburbs. The rent was thirty-five 
 dollars per month, but I figured we could afford that. 
 
 I did not know what to do about money. I had been 
 given my December salary the day I was married and 
 only had about sixty dollars left. We needed about a 
 hundred dollars to start our flat and then we had to live 
 until February first. Finally I borrowed a hundred 
 dollars from a salary loan company and gave a note 
 for one hundred twelve fifty, running six months at six 
 per cent. 
 
 We then selected four hundred dollars worth of fur 
 niture and paid down fifty dollars. The other things 
 we needed to begin housekeeping with cost forty 
 dollars more. And so we started out with sixty dollars 
 in cash and a debt of four hundred and fifty dollars 
 hanging over us. 
 
 Both our lives were wrecked before we moved into the 
 new home, but I was fool enough to think that we 
 could yet be happy. 
 
ONE MAN 
 
 I placed my wife under the care of a specialist, but 
 he told me confidentially that he did not believe he 
 could do much for her as for some reason she did not re 
 spond to treatment. I was soon to find out the rea 
 son. 
 
 Her mother was at our flat a great deal of the time 
 
 and many a night I came home to find Hattie crying 
 
 and she would tell me that her mother had been there. 
 
 We lived very quietly for the first month, not having 
 
 much company. 
 
 About this time I received from Marie, who had evi 
 dently heard of my marriage, an envelope containing a 
 single sheet of paper upon which was written " stung." 
 I was working very hard and nearly worn out with 
 worry over Hattie. She did most of the work around 
 the flat except the washing. Once a week we had a 
 woman come in and clean the floors and woodwork. I 
 gave Hattie five dollars a week spending money for her 
 self and we had accounts at some of the stores. I paid 
 all the bills for the maintenance of the household. We 
 wore poor, but I did everything I could to make her 
 happy. 
 
 About February first she began to change a little, 
 becoming reckless in her talk and actions. We had es 
 tablished one custom the night we were married and 
 that was for both of us to kneel down side by side and 
 pray each night before retiring. 
 
 Along in the first part of February I had to ask her 
 several times to kneel down with me and one night in 
 particular she arose before I did and grabbing a pil- 
 
ONE MAN 215 
 
 low from the bed threw it at me, while I was yet on my 
 knees. She laughingly repeated this trick for several 
 nights, showing that she had little respect for any 
 thing sacred. 
 
 She wanted me to give up cigarettes and when I could 
 not, took to smoking them also. Her father brought 
 us over a case of whiskey. His business took him among 
 the whiskey dealers a great deal and he received many 
 presents of liquor. I had no use for it, but served it 
 to an occasional guest in our home. 
 
 One evening I had to stay at the office, so I called 
 Hattie up and told her I would not be home until ten 
 o clock, but I finished my work about eight thirty and 
 reached the flat a little after nine. I used my pass key, 
 thinking Hattie might be asleep. There was a light 
 burning in the kitchen and thinking she had forgotten 
 to turn it out I went out to attend to it. I found her 
 there sitting at the table reading and with a half emp 
 tied glass of toddy before her. Then I understood why 
 she had not responded to the doctor s treatment. I 
 think that when I saw her sitting there that night and 
 found that she was deliberately deceiving me, most of 
 my love for her died. I did not scold her; I simply 
 picked up the glass and throwing it in the sink said I 
 guessed we had better give the rest of the case away. 
 There was nothing more said about it and early the 
 next morning I gave the rest of the whiskey to the jan 
 itor. I just about lost all hope when this happened, 
 but waited to see if she would try to get along without 
 the whiskey. 
 
216 ONE M A N 
 
 February the eighteenth she suddenly threatened to 
 go home to her parents, saying that I was too quiet 
 for her. I quieted her down the best I could and she 
 slept with her head .pn my shoulder that night, but I 
 could not sleep. I knew somehow that the end was in 
 sight. 
 
 The next day Harry s wife sent word that she wanted 
 us to come to dinner on Saturday evening. When I 
 told Hattie about this she flatly refused to go, but along 
 in the evening she awoke me and said she would go. 
 
 Saturday afternoon we went out to the stores around 
 the corner to buy the things for our Sunday dinner. 
 Among them was a nice thick steak, which we put in 
 the window refrigerator at the flat. 
 
 Saturday evening we went early to Harry s home. 
 Nadine welcomed us with open arms and treated us roy 
 ally. 
 
 During the dinner Nadine watched Hattie rather 
 closely and I noticed it particularly several times. I 
 don t think she was very favorably impressed and once 
 or twice she looked at me rather oddly. I suppose I did 
 show the signs of the strain and worry under which I 
 had been struggling. 
 
 After dinner we sat around the parlor talking and 
 laughing. During the evening Harry and I went out 
 to the kitchen twice and had a little drink of Scotch. 
 After the last trip, I was talking with Nadine when 
 Hattie said, " What have you got out there in the 
 kitchen, Harry ? " and he told her to come out and see. 
 Nadine did not pay much attention to what he said 
 
ONE MAN 217 
 
 and they both went to the kitchen. I did not imagine 
 for a moment that Hattie would take a drink, but when 
 she came back into the room I knew by her flushed 
 cheeks that she had. I could not do anything then 
 and it seemed to me, as I sat there and talked to Na- 
 dine, that all of a sudden I didn t give a damn any 
 more as to what Hattie did, I was thoroughly discour 
 aged. 
 
 About midnight Harry brought in several bottles of 
 beer and Hattie said she was going to have one if she 
 never had another thing as long as she lived. Then 
 Harry brought in the Scotch and we all had a good 
 night drink. I was about through with the whole thing. 
 
 Going home on the car, Hattie was in an ugly mood 
 and upbraided me for talking so much with Harry s 
 wife. She kept this up until we reached the flat. 
 
 While she was preparing to retire, she made several 
 ugly remarks and insinuations regarding Nadine and 
 myself and I spoke to her rather sharply. 
 
 I was sitting in the dining-room smoking a cigarette 
 after she had retired when I heard her laughing. 
 
 Switching off the light, I went into the bedroom, 
 asking her what tickled her so much. She was in bed 
 and all the lights in the room were turned on. 
 
 In answer to my question, she said she was just laugh 
 ing to think how sore I must be that I couldn t have 
 married Nadine instead of her. I had never had any 
 such thought and her question made me laugh. 
 
 My amusement over her remark seemed to suddenly 
 drive her insane with rage and sitting up in the bed she 
 
218 ONE MAN 
 
 screamed, " You damn fool, you haven t anything on 
 me. Harry is the first man I ever had anything to do 
 with." 
 
 When she said that, my world seemed to stop. I 
 could not believe it, but she commenced in an inco 
 herent way to tell all about it and to curse me in a 
 manner that would have done credit to the worst old 
 hag on earth. 
 
 I think that at the time the sound of those curses 
 coming from her lips shocked me more than did the 
 truth about Harry and herself. 
 
 For a moment I thought she had gone insane, but 
 she gave me detail after detail concerning their rela 
 tions, which had extended over a period of two years 
 and I knew then she was telling the truth. Then 
 she told me how he had kissed her that evening and 
 held her in his arms out in the kitchen. 
 
 And not satisfied with that, she told me how, to 
 gether with another girl in the office, she had gone out 
 with Harry and another fellow one evening. She had 
 drank a great deal and had found herself in the other 
 fellow s arms when she woke up in a rooming house the 
 next morning. She explained in detail that that was 
 where she had acquired her sickness and that since that 
 night Harry would not take her out again. 
 
 When she had tired of telling me the whole sicken 
 ing story she got out of bed and clad only in her night 
 gown went to the rear of the flat returning with a bottle 
 of whiskey and a glass. She got into bed still holding 
 these articles in her hands and after propping herself 
 
 
N E M A N 219 
 
 up with the pillows poured out a big drink and swal 
 lowed it. Then she continued her talk regarding 
 Harry. I was sitting in a chair looking at her all the 
 time she was talking and had said nothing to her since 
 first hearing her mention Harry s name. 
 
 I got up out of the chair, weak and trembling, and 
 walked over to the chiffonier. In the top drawer I 
 kept a heavy revolver. Taking it out, I broke it open 
 and after slowly loading every chamber snapped it 
 shut. Then walking over to the bed, I sat down on the 
 edge of it, still holding the gun in my hand. 
 
CHAPTER XXX 
 
 I SAID nothing to Hattie but simply sat there 
 looking at her. When I had taken the gun and 
 loaded it, she had sat up in the bed, her eyes 
 following my every movement. She seemed paralyzed 
 and unable to move her limbs. But as I sat down on 
 the bed she seemed to get sober in a flash and her eyes 
 opened wide with a look of unutterable horror and 
 fear. Throwing the glass down on the bed she begged 
 me not to kill her. I can remember so well watching 
 the empty glass roll toward the edge of the bed and 
 wondering whether it would fall on the polished floor 
 and break or on the rug. I heard all she said but paid 
 no attention to it, I was waiting for that glass to reach 
 the edge of the bed and fall. It fell on the rug and I 
 can remember feeling relieved that there wasn t any 
 crash. She sat there in the bed waiting; I still said 
 nothing, but just sat there watching the empty glass 
 roll along the rug and waiting for it to stop. 
 
 Then she began to moan and creep across the bed to 
 ward me. She begged me not to kill her and swore 
 with an oath she would be true to me, that she did love 
 me. 
 
 Still I said nothing. I was trying to decide which 
 
 one of the two to kill first. I can remember calmly 
 
 220 
 
ONE MAN 221 
 
 figuring on my chances of going to his home, killing 
 him and then returning to our flat and after telling her 
 how I had shot him, finish her. Then I was afraid that 
 if I left her alone she would get away. I thought once 
 of tying her up and gagging her and then I would be 
 sure to have her there when I returned. Then I grew 
 afraid that after I had killed either one of them, the 
 police would get me before I could kill the other. 
 
 Hattie had quit crying now and lay there looking 
 up at me, her face white as death. 
 
 All of a sudden the thought came to me, " What will 
 become of his wife and babies if I kill him ? " The dis 
 grace and horror of the thing would fall on them and 
 who was I that I should ruin their lives? And who 
 was I that I should pass judgment even upon my own 
 wife? The incidents in my own past seemed to flash 
 across my eyes, scene after scene, and I could again 
 see myself as I had been, guilty of all manner of crime. 
 Then before me seemed to appear again the face of my 
 little dead child and I knew that I could do nothing. 
 
 I walked over to the chiffonier and put the gun back 
 in the drawer and, putting on my hat and coat, left 
 the flat. 
 
 I walked the streets until daylight. During that 
 walk the full horror of the whole thing came to me. 
 I can remember stumbling along, sobbing and talking 
 to myself. I could see then why Harry had been so 
 startled when I had told him of my coming marriage. 
 Many other little incidents in the office came to my 
 mind and I cursed myself for having been so blind. 
 
222 N E M A N 
 
 The one thing that hurt me most of all was that he, 
 after all his protestations of friendship, could come to 
 mj wedding and stand there and see me married to the 
 woman whom he had worse than ruined. My own past 
 came up to me again and again and I at last realized 
 that I was not through with my penance. 
 
 When I returned to the flat I found the lights all 
 burning and Hattie sitting fast asleep in the kitchen 
 with her head resting on the kitchen table. She was 
 clad only in her nightgown, and in the hand that rested 
 on the table was clasped a partially filled glass of whis 
 key. The gas stove was lit and the tea kettle had 
 burned dry, filling the room with the odor of burned 
 metal. I woke her and asked her to go to bed, but she 
 only cursed me and laughed at me. 
 
 I went into another room and threw myself on a 
 couch and slept. When I woke at noon she was up and 
 dressed and wandering around the flat. She asked me 
 what I was going to do with her and I told her that one 
 of us would have to get out right away. She cursed 
 me again and said that she at least would not be the 
 one to go. We had neither breakfast nor dinner and I 
 cannot remember noticing this fact at the time. 
 
 About seven o clock she asked me to go to the drug 
 store three blocks away and get her some headache pow 
 ders. As I was nearing the street crossing on my re 
 turn I saw a woman signal an approaching street car. 
 I recognized Hattie and ran to her, catching her arm 
 just as she was about to step on the car. I told the 
 conductor to go ahead and led her back to the flat, tell- 
 
O N E M A N 
 
 ing her that if she did go it would be in the day time 
 and not at night. 
 
 I locked the door of the flat on the inside and, put 
 ting the key in my pocket, went to the kitchen where I 
 made tea and toast. These I took in to her and made 
 her eat. Then I undressed her and put her to bed. 
 She demanded whiskey and I got it for her. She was 
 talking loud and swearing and I was afraid some one 
 would hear her. 
 
 That night I slept on the floor in front of the door 
 leading out of the flat. Twice in the night she woke 
 me trying to get out, but each time I put her back in 
 bed. 
 
 The next day was Washington s birthday and I had 
 to go to the office to look over the mail. Hattie got 
 breakfast and when I left I asked her to give me the 
 usual good-bye kiss, which was a regular custom with 
 us. She did so and said that when I returned she would 
 be gone. 
 
 On my way to the car I stopped to phone to her 
 mother to come to the flat and take care of her. 
 
 Harry was at the office when I arrived but I could 
 not look at him. There were only a few employes in 
 the office that morning as it was a holiday. I finished 
 my work about one o clock and went down town. 
 
 At five o clock I returned to the flat and had to use 
 my pass key to gain entrance, no one answering my 
 ring. When I stepped into the flat it was dark and I 
 could tell somehow that Hattie was not there. I turned 
 on the lights and found the place deserted. The bed 
 
O N E M A N 
 
 had been made, but the breakfast dishes had been left 
 unwashed and I could see that she had not had lunch in 
 the flat. I rang for the janitor s wife and she told me 
 that my wife had left early that morning alone. 
 
 I can remember going into the bedroom and sitting 
 down in one of the little bedroom rockers. A feeling of 
 utter despair came over me and I cried like a baby. I 
 wanted her to come back but still I could not forget her 
 actions of the night before nor could I forget the story 
 she had told me. 
 
 I had a feeling that she would not come back and I 
 determined that I would not go after her. A minister 
 who lived in our building called about seven o clock and 
 asked if my wife was ill. His manner somehow 
 prompted my inviting him in and I told him enough of 
 the story so that he understood she had left. He sym 
 pathized with me and told me God would straighten 
 out the tangle for us. He wanted to go and see 
 Hattie that night and asked me if I was sure she had 
 gone home. I told him I was not sure where she had 
 gone. He went to his own apartment and phoned to 
 her father, ascertaining that she was with her folks. 
 The minister returned to me and remained until ten 
 o clock that evening. After he had left I called the 
 janitor s wife again and gave her all the perishable 
 food in the kitchen. 
 
 That night I slept alone in the flat, and in the morn 
 ing left for the office at the usual hour. As soon as my 
 mail was out of the way, I called up her father and told 
 him that Hattie must either return to the flat that day 
 
O N E M A N 225 
 
 or else take her personal belongings away. He swore 
 at me and said she should never return to me. 
 
 Upon arriving home that evening, I saw immediately 
 that some one had looted the place. All the linen, sil 
 verware, wedding presents, window curtains ; in fact, 
 everything not covered by the mortgage on the furni 
 ture had been removed. A copy of the furniture con 
 tract lay open on a table and each item had been 
 checked off. 
 
 Even the pillows and comforter had been taken off 
 the bed. They had left the sheets and blankets. My 
 gun lay on the bed broken open and the shells had been 
 removed. 
 
 I slept in the flat that night and when I reached the 
 office in the morning told Harry that my wife had left. 
 He would not believe it at first, but when I asked him 
 for permission to get away from work so that I could 
 attend to storing the furniture, he saw that I was in 
 earnest. He was very sympathetic and told me to re 
 main away until everything was settled to my satisfac 
 tion. As I stood there by his desk, I was tempted 
 again to kill him but something told me to wait. 
 
 That day I had the instalment people come for the 
 furniture, telling them to put it in storage, as I was 
 compelled to give up housekeeping. I sold all the 
 kitchen utensils to the janitor for a five-dollar bill. 
 
 That evening after everything had been removed 
 from the flat, I locked the door on the inside and went 
 into our old bedroom. There in the middle of that de 
 serted room, I kneeled down and asked God to show 
 
226 ONE MAN 
 
 me the way out of my trouble and into a better life. 
 
 When I locked the door for the last time, the janitor, 
 together with his wife and one or two neighbor women, 
 were standing in the hall. I was crying and could not 
 look at them. I simply handed the keys to the janitor 
 and turned and walked down the stairs without a 
 word. 
 
 I moved my few possessions back into my old quar 
 ters that night, and the next day went about my work 
 at the office as usual. Harry was the only one in the 
 office who knew of the trouble. The next Saturday 
 afternoon, Nadine, Harry s wife, called me up and in 
 vited me to dinner that evening. I refused as best I 
 could, but she insisted that I come. Her voice sounded 
 so sweet and sympathetic that I finally accepted her in 
 vitation. Harry told me they would have dinner about 
 seven that evening and for me to go on up to the flat as 
 soon as I was through at the office, as he had to go 
 down town and might not return to the office. When 
 I reached the flat he had not arrived, but Nadine met 
 me at the door and, placing a hand on each of my 
 shoulders, told me how sorry she was for me in my 
 trouble. 
 
 After Harry came in we sat down to dinner. Nadine 
 had placed a big bowl filled with roses at the side of 
 the table where my wife had been seated just a week 
 ago that evening. Nadine and Harry tried to cheer 
 me up during the meal. I could see that he did not 
 know that I knew all about it. 
 
 At first it hurt me to sit there and break bread with 
 
ONE MAN 227 
 
 him but I wanted to keep up our relations until I could 
 decide what to do. 
 
 During the evening he went out to get some whiskey 
 and while he was gone Nadine talked with me regarding 
 my troubles, saying among other things that at the 
 time my engagement was announced to her she had 
 thought I was making a mistake to marry that girl. 
 She had noticed her at the office and had not been fa 
 vorably impressed with her appearance and actions. 
 During this conversation Nadine took one of my hands 
 in hers and somehow I felt comforted and cheered by 
 her sympathy. 
 
 After Harry returned we sat around for a long time 
 talking over various matters connected with our busi 
 ness. Nadine sat in a big wicker chair beside a little 
 table upon which rested an old mission lamp. She was 
 sewing on some little garment, and in the light shed by 
 the old-fashioned lamp she appeared to me the most 
 beautiful woman I had ever known. She seemed so 
 much the ideal wife and mother. It made my heart 
 ache to realize how different my home had been. 
 
 The work went on as usual at the office until one day 
 in the middle of March I received a letter from an at 
 torney stating that my wife had placed in his hands a 
 claim for separate maintenance, charging that I had de 
 serted her. 
 
 The receipt of his letter made me almost insane and 
 I called him up and told him that I would see him a 
 mile deep in hell before she should ever receive one sin 
 gle dollar from me. He told me not to get excited but 
 
ONE MAN 
 
 to take a few days in which to think it over, as the law 
 would make me pay anyway. 
 
 I hunted up a lawyer that afternoon and placed the 
 matter in his hands. Unfortunately I did not choose 
 wisely in making my selection. 
 
 The following week I told the manager about my 
 trouble, that I was nearly a nervous wreck and that I 
 desired to go back to my road work. It was a week be 
 fore he consented to this and another two weeks before 
 I started on a trip over my old territory. My attor 
 ney had not come to any agreement with my wife s at 
 torney and I did not know what to do. 
 
 It galled me to think that I would probably have to 
 pay my wife a certain amount of money. I had done, 
 as I thought, all I could do to make her life pleasant 
 for her. I had done far more than most men would do, 
 yet I was not as most men. I was under a handicap 
 and I realized it, but yet I wanted to make good. 
 
 At last I wrote to my father and told him the whole 
 miserable story. He wrote me a long letter, sympa 
 thizing with me and saying Mother, was heartbroken. 
 Regarding the paying of any money to my wife, he said 
 in part: 
 
 " My advice to you is to pay them a lump sum and 
 keep your mouth shut entirely and let the world think 
 what it wants to. As to the question of cowardice in 
 making a settlement, I wish to say that the settlement 
 is not cowardly but the only manly thing to do. If 
 you settle and keep your mouth shut entirely, the world 
 may ask of her why you deserted she will attempt to 
 
O N E M A N 229 
 
 explain still they will say there must be some other 
 reason for the desertion which is unexplained. Her ex 
 planation does not explain, so the conclusion will be 
 that there was a good reason for the desertion, but the 
 husband is manly enough to keep his mouth shut and 
 refrain from any statement that will reflect on a woman. 
 In this way you do not lose but maintain in every way 
 the dignity of the man who will not allow himself to tar 
 nish the name of a woman, no matter how guilty she 
 may be. Time is a great leveller and in the years to 
 come will level all things. This is not a question of your 
 past life; it is a question of your future life based on 
 your actions in the present." 
 
 As soon as my sister Mary heard of the trouble, she 
 came to Cleveland to see my wife, not even letting me 
 know she was coming. 
 
 My wife was able to completely fool her and work 
 upon her sympathies. Mary told her that I ought to 
 support her because she had been my wife. And then 
 she betrayed her own flesh and blood by telling Hattie 
 that I would never dare to go on the witness stand in a 
 divorce case or any other case, as there were some 
 things in my past which I would not want exposed. 
 This action on the part of my own sister practically 
 delivered me into my wife s hands, and her attorney 
 taunted me with this fact before I left the city. It was 
 not until two years later that I would even speak to 
 Mary. 
 
 I left for Chicago, having instructed my attorney to 
 make the best settlement possible. 
 
CHAPTER XXXI 
 
 I HAD written to Marie s old address, telling her I 
 would be at the Auditorium April nineteenth, and 
 asked her to call me up on that date. I arrived 
 there on time and late in the afternoon she called me up, 
 asking very coldly what I wanted. I invited her out 
 to dinner and she agreed to meet me at six o clock. 
 
 She was waiting for me when I arrived but did not 
 even offer to shake hands with me. After we were 
 seated at the little table, which had been our favorite, 
 she threw back her thick black veil and sat staring at 
 me without saying a word for what seemed to be hours. 
 In my heart I was ashamed of the way I had treated 
 her. 
 
 I began to tell her how sorry I was for having given 
 her up and she leaned over the table and said just one 
 little word, " Liar." This took me back considerable 
 and I waited, not knowing what to say next. 
 
 Then she began to talk, telling how she had gone the 
 downward path since hearing of my marriage, how she 
 did not care a damn for any one or anything and hoped 
 to be in Hell before long. 
 
 Our drinks came about this time and after she had 
 swallowed hers she ordered another brought immedi 
 ately. 
 
 230 
 
N E M A N 231 
 
 During our dinner we drank a great deal and I told 
 her all about my trouble with my wife. Marie gave 
 me a " dressing down " I have never forgotten. I 
 found that she had left home and moved to a furnished 
 room on Lincoln Avenue. 
 
 I took her home in a taxi and she insisted that I come 
 up to her room with her, saying that the landlady did 
 not care who she brought there as long as they were 
 quiet. After we had removed our wraps, she threw 
 herself into my arms and cried as if her heart would 
 break, telling me she loved me and asking me never to 
 leave her again. 
 
 When I left her that evening our old friendship had 
 been resurrected and she seemed very happy. I re 
 mained in Chicago several days with her, finally leaving 
 for the West. She wrote me very often and her letters 
 were the only bright spots in an otherwise dreary exist 
 ence. 
 
 My work was successful, and in June I was called to 
 Cleveland to go over some matters with the firm. 
 While there I tried to settle up the claims of my wife. 
 
 It seemed that my attorney had been trying to get 
 her attorney to accept four hundred and fifty dollars in 
 settlement of all claims for maintenance and alimony. 
 He would not consent to this. He wanted six hundred 
 and fifty and a verbal agreement on our part that my 
 wife be allowed to file an uncontested suit for divorce 
 on the grounds of abandonment when the year of sepa 
 ration had expired, the following February. 
 
 I was growing angrier over the matter each day, and 
 
O N E M A N 
 
 one evening as I was standing in the hotel lobby, her at 
 torney came to me and asked to speak to me. His ac 
 tions and remarks made me lose my temper and finally 
 J said I would sue for a divorce, naming the grounds 
 for action, and they were not very nice. He opened 
 his eyes at this and asked me to meet him in the hotel 
 at noon the next day. 
 
 When I met him the next day, he said that my wife 
 claimed that I had been responsible for her downfall be 
 fore our marriage, and unless I settled as they desired 
 they would file suit against me at once and bring me 
 into court. I told him to file and be damned. Just 
 then a nigger deputy sheriff stepped up to me and 
 served papers on me in the action for separate main 
 tenance. I was so angry I could have killed the attor 
 ney right there but he slipped away. 
 
 I immediately took the papers to my lawyer and he 
 told me not to worry. The next day I left Cleveland 
 for Chicago and a few days later received word that my 
 salary had been tied up in Cleveland. This action on 
 their part drove me nearly insane, and if it had not been 
 for Marie, I should have gone back to Cleveland and 
 " cleaned out " the whole outfit. I had plenty of money 
 on hand and the fact that they had held up my income 
 did not bother me so much as the idea of her being able 
 to do it. 
 
 In July, during my absence, the case was heard and 
 the Court entered an order allowing my wife fifteen dol 
 lars a week for maintenance. My attorney then had 
 my June and July salary released by paying my wife s 
 
O N E M A N 233 
 
 attorney seventy-five dollars. My firm had been very 
 kind to me during all this trouble and told me not to 
 worry over the outcome. 
 
 Harry came to Chicago to attend a meeting during 
 the latter part of July and one evening asked me if I 
 did not know of some girls who would like to go out for 
 a time with us. I called up Marie, but she did not know 
 of any one she could get, so I told her to come along. 
 
 That evening we three had dinner together. During 
 the dinner we drank a lot of wine and mixed drinks and 
 by the time we started for Riverview Park we were all 
 feeling hilarious. 
 
 On the car and at the entrance to the park, Harry 
 accosted several women, asking them to come with us. 
 Finally at the dance hall he picked up a girl and a little 
 later another couple joined us. We roamed around the 
 park all evening and finally went across the street to 
 the wine room. 
 
 Harry became thoroughly drunk and insisted upon 
 keeping time to the music by beating on the table with 
 an empty wine bottle, with the result that we were gr- 
 dered out of the place. 
 
 In going to the car, we passed a photo gallery and I 
 immediately suggested that we all go in and have our 
 pictures taken. So we piled into an old automobile 
 and had our pictures taken. Marie and I sat in the 
 front seat, and Harry sat on a drop seat in the back 
 of the car, holding the girl on his knee. She had one 
 arm around his neck and they were both smoking ciga 
 rettes. The other couple were sitting in the rear seat. 
 
ONE MAN 
 
 When the pictures were finished, about twenty min 
 utes later, they gave us each two. Harry handed me 
 his with the remark that he did not dare to have them 
 in his clothes. He was so drunk that the girl with him 
 left us, and Marie and I had a great deal of trouble 
 getting him back to the hotel. When we finally did get 
 him there, we left him at the entrance and spent the 
 balance of the night at the W r abash Avenue place. 
 
 The next day he apologized for making such an ass 
 of himself but I only laughed. I was beginning to see 
 a way of " getting him." 
 
 In August I went back to my road work and kept at 
 this until the middle of September, when I was again 
 called to the factory in Cleveland. The firm had re 
 cently given me another advance in salary and they 
 often consulted with me regarding many things con 
 nected with the business. While in Cleveland at this 
 time I made a settlement with my wife regarding the 
 maintenance and alimony claim. 
 
 We agreed upon six hundred and fifty dollars and at 
 torney fees, and I was to pay her the amount at the rate 
 of fifty dollars a month. In the settlement nothing was 
 said about a divorce but they understood that I wanted 
 one as soon as possible. 
 
 Only the wishes of my father and mother and the fear 
 of my past being made public prevented my filing suit 
 just as soon as the money settlement was made. By 
 this time I was in a mood where I wanted her to suffer 
 for her deviltry. Of course, my filing the suit upon the 
 proper grounds and giving proof of these things, as I 
 
N E M A N 235 
 
 was in a position to do, would cause her to leave the 
 city. I knew, in fact, that she would not dare to face 
 my attorney on the witness stand. Yet I feared that 
 her attorney would delve into my past and bring out all 
 the disgrace. I had suffered enough over that, fearing 
 as I did to a certain extent every day that some one 
 would discover it and I would lose my position and not 
 be able to get another one. One of the reasons I had 
 worked so hard all these years was so that if my prison 
 record should be exposed my business record since leav 
 ing there would help to counteract the effect. 
 
 I returned to Chicago and had no more than arrived 
 there when I was called to Cleveland again to help out 
 line some new work at the factory. 
 
 Harry had just left on a week s vacation and as I 
 had not seen Nadine for several months I called her up 
 from the hotel that evening. She was surprised to hear 
 that I was in the city and asked me all about how I was 
 getting along. We talked for several minutes and she 
 said she was so sorry that Harry was not at home so I 
 could call. I told her I regretted it also, as I had been 
 looking forward to seeing her, but supposed we had to 
 obey the dictates of old Mother Convention. 
 
 When I hung up my phone I was puzzled over the 
 new note I had noticed in her voice. She had asked me 
 at the last moment, in such a breathless way, how long 
 I was going to remain in the city and I had told her 
 several days. 
 
 The next afternoon she called me up at the hotel and 
 asked me if I would be shocked if invited to come and 
 
236 ONE MAN 
 
 see her that evening. She said she had been fixing up 
 a room in the flat which she had intended that I occupy 
 on my next visit to the city, and now that I was there 
 and could not occupy it she wanted me to see it at 
 least. She seemed to be very excited and talked just 
 like a little child planning to do something naughty. 
 I told her I would come if there was no danger of get 
 ting her into trouble. She said she had fixed all that, 
 for me to arrive at exactly eight, ring the bell twice 
 and if the coast was clear she would press the button 
 that opened the door downstairs and I could walk up 
 stairs to their flat. 
 
 I was somewhat excited that evening when I reached 
 the apartment building, and this excitement grew upon 
 me as I stole quietly upstairs after she had opened the 
 door in response to my signal. 
 
 As I reached their landing, the door of their flat was 
 opened and I walked in. She closed the door and held 
 out her hands to me. The light in the hall was turned 
 low but I could see how beautiful she looked dressed all 
 in white, and her hair bound with a broad, pink silk rib 
 bon. 
 
 After telling me how pleased she was at my coming, 
 she led me into the parlor. We sat there talking for a 
 few moments and then she took me into the room she had 
 fixed up for me. It was decorated beautifully and she 
 had made pillow covers, spread, table and dresser pieces 
 of a material to match the decorations ; even a little mis 
 sion lamp was covered with the same pink material. 
 On one side of the room was a big divan and, seating 
 
N E M A N 237 
 
 herself there, she motioned for me to sit beside her. 
 
 I can remember how I was trembling as I sat down. 
 I was startled at the events which followed so closely 
 upon each other since that phone call and could not 
 help but feel worried over the situation. I had always 
 admired her and respected her so much, and it did not 
 seem right that she should run such risks for my sake. 
 
 We sat there and talked about different things for 
 an hour. We went over again the troubles connected 
 with my marriage and I could see the tears in her eyes 
 as she sympathized with me. Whenever I looked into 
 her eyes as she sat beside me they seemed more beauti 
 ful than ever. She seemed to exert some kind of a mag 
 netic influence over me and to draw me nearer to her. 
 I was telling her how I never again expected to have a 
 home and how I wished God had given me a home like 
 hers, a wife like her and some little children, when she 
 suddenly put her head down on my shoulder and burst 
 out crying. 
 
CHAPTER XXXII 
 
 I HAD been in a great many difficult situations in my 
 life but this was the most difficult one of all. I 
 took both her hands in mine and told her not to 
 cry but to tell me her trouble. We were sitting in a 
 very uncomfortable position and suddenly she asked me 
 to put my arm around her and hold her close to me 
 while she told me something. I did as she told me and 
 then she poured out her story between sobs, how she 
 had loved me for a long time, and how she had wanted 
 me for her own ever since she first saw me. Then she 
 told me about how she had stood there at the wedding 
 and watched me married when it was almost killing her 
 and how glad she had been for her own sake when she 
 heard that I had separated from my wife. 
 
 That beautiful girl, for she was yet only a girl, lay 
 there in my arms and bared her very soul to me in that 
 hour. She told me of her life, how she had been brought 
 up and the struggle to exist on Harry s salary; his 
 drinking and running around with other women, his 
 cruelty to her and his dislike for the children. She also 
 spoke of his mother and how unkind she had been and 
 of how her own mother had never come to see her on 
 account of her marriage to Harry. 
 
 Then she told me that she loved me better than all 
 
 238 
 
O N E M A N 239 
 
 else except her babes and that ever since my wife and I 
 had separated she had been waiting for a chance to tell 
 me, even though she felt as if I did not love her. She 
 also said that since the evening before she had thought 
 this would be her only chance to tell me and for that 
 reason she had asked me to come to her. 
 
 Up until this hour I had never thought of loving 
 Nadine. It had seemed to me as if she was way above 
 me in everything, birth, culture, and beauty. I could 
 not doubt that she loved me after I had listened to her 
 story, and the realization of this fact staggered me, 
 yet I felt my heart opening to her even as she was speak 
 ing, and within me there was born a love and a longing 
 for this beautiful girl. 
 
 One could see that she had really never loved before ; 
 one could feel it in the very touch of her hands. 
 
 After finishing her story, she lay there in my arms 
 for a few minutes and then, lifting her flushed and tear- 
 stained face to mine, asked, " Bobby, will you love me? " 
 
 My heart was beating so loudly that I thought she 
 could hear it and I could hardly breathe. " Nadine," I 
 said, " do you think that I am worthy of your love? " 
 At this she dropped her head to my knees and sobbed 
 out, " You are all the world to me. I must have you. 
 I will have you. Tell me you love me. Tell me, 
 Bobby." I raised her up and said, " Nadine, come in 
 here with me." I led her into the nursery and up to the 
 little cribs where the babes lay asleep. The little night 
 light shone very dimly in one corner of the room and we 
 could barely see the faces of the little ones. I knew as 
 
240 ONE MAN 
 
 I led Nadine into that little room that she would know 
 her own heart when she gazed on the two little babes. I 
 did not think of the right and wrong of our love; I 
 simply wanted her to know her own heart. 
 
 As we stood there, looking down on them, it seemed as 
 if she were waiting for divine guidance. After we had 
 been there a moment she turned to me and, placing her 
 hands in mine, she lifted her head and kissed me. What 
 must have been her thoughts as she stood there looking 
 down on her two little children? What a powerful love 
 she must have had for me! What a wonderful faith 
 and trust in me to give not only herself, but also those 
 little ones into my keeping! For while I did not know 
 it at the time, that is what her kiss meant that night. 
 
 We returned to the other room and, sitting there on 
 the divan, I held her in my arms for a long time with 
 not a word spoken. Then I told her I did love her, but 
 that I had never before dared to even think of her lov 
 ing me. 
 
 I took from my hand a ring I had worn for years and 
 placed it on her finger. She was greatly pleased over 
 this and, kissing it, said she would wear it forever. 
 
 As the evening wore on we both grew tense with the 
 excitement which the discoveries of the evening had oc 
 casioned ; I told her that I must leave as it was getting 
 very late. She clung to me, begging me not to go, but 
 I told her it was my duty to her to go then. She made 
 me promise to come again the next night and, after 
 holding her in my arms a few minutes at the door, I 
 slipped quietly out of the flat and hurried down the 
 
ONE MAN 
 
 stairs. While waiting for the car on the opposite cor 
 ner I looked up to her flat and saw her standing by the 
 open window, and as my car came along she raised and 
 lowered the little night light three times in front of her 
 window. Just as I was retiring she called me up and 
 told me that the signals with the little light were " good 
 night " from the babes and herself. 
 
 The next evening I went to see her again. She was 
 waiting for me as before, only this time she kissed me on 
 both cheeks before she allowed me to remove my over 
 coat. That evening we again sat on the divan and 
 talked of our love. I told her I was going away the 
 next day and would not be back for two months. She 
 cried and sobbed for a long time. 
 
 I asked her to write to me every day and told her 
 that by the time I returned she would know what she 
 wished to do. I had made up my mind to go away, 
 leaving her with nothing serious to regret, and we had 
 a very plain talk. I told her a love like ours knew no 
 laws of any kind and that for the sake of the children 
 we should know ourselves better before going any fur 
 ther. 
 
 I put the whole question before her in a hard light, 
 half hoping for her sake that she would see the futility 
 of it all, knowing in my own heart that it would surely 
 lead only to the inevitable sorrow and misery for us. 
 I was sick of punishment and, while I loved her, I did 
 not feel in my heart somehow that it would end well. 
 By the time I left that night her demonstrations of love 
 for me had banished most of these thoughts and I loved 
 
O N E M A N 
 
 her more than ever and had a little hope that the future 
 would yet bring peace and happiness to us. She again 
 stood at the window and signalled good night as I 
 stepped into the car. 
 
 That night I asked God to help me to be strong in my 
 resolution to do nothing which might ruin Nadine s life. 
 The next day I started on my trip, stopping in Chi 
 cago long enough to buy a little gold and enamelled 
 wreath of forget-me-nots in the form of a brooch. I 
 had it engraved on the back " 9-29 " and sent it to 
 Nadine. She corresponded with me regularly after this 
 and her letters were filled with love and faith. 
 
 In the meantime I was receiving letters from Marie 
 also. Some days in my mail there would be one of Ma 
 rie s letters filled with passionate sentences and express 
 ing a desire to be in my arms, and in the same mail would 
 come one of Nadine s letters, breathing the other the 
 true love. Unconsciously I would compare the two and 
 wish to be with Nadine. 
 
 The latter part of October, Nadine s father died and 
 she wrote me, telling me about it. 
 
 In November I wrote Nadine that I would arrive in 
 Cleveland the eighteenth. When I reached Chicago she 
 called me on the long-distance phone and said she would 
 meet me at the train in Cleveland. When I arrived she 
 was waiting for me at the depot with a big limousine 
 car. She took me to my hotel and waited while I went 
 in and registered. Then we drove to one of the parks 
 and after we had alighted she told the chauffeur to re- 
 
ONE MAN 
 
 turn to the same spot for us in two hours. We walked 
 up one of the small paths and when we were alone she 
 threw her arms around me and kissed my cheeks until 
 they hurt. We walked around for an hour and then sat 
 down on a bench. It was cold that morning and I can 
 remember her hands seemed warm while mine were almost 
 freezing. 
 
 While we were sitting there on the bench she turned 
 to me suddenly and said, " Bobby, can you get a room 
 somewhere where we can meet? Harry is home and we 
 cannot meet at the house." I was stunned for a mo 
 ment and my heart seemed to jump into my throat. 
 Turning to her, I said, " Nadine, have you thought what 
 that means ? " She turned her head away and did not 
 answer for a moment. Then, without looking up, said, 
 " Bobby, don t you want to meet me? " I put my arm 
 around her and made her look at me. Her face was 
 flushed and in her eyes there was a look I had never seen 
 there before. " Nadine," I said, " are you sure, dear, 
 you will never regret it ? " For a moment she hesitated 
 and then said, " Bobby, I would not do anything which 
 I could regret." 
 
 I told her I would find some place that very day and 
 she explained that she had made arrangements to get 
 away the next afternoon. 
 
 At this moment the car returned for us and we rode 
 into the city together. She dropped me at the hotel 
 with a promise to call me up that evening. 
 
 At the hotel the clerk gave me the address of a woman 
 
O N E M A N 
 
 who owned a flat and occasionally rented rooms. I 
 called this woman up and made arrangements for the 
 next afternoon. 
 
 When Nadine called me up that evening I told her I 
 had all arrangements made. She agreed to meet me at 
 two o clock the next afternoon at a drug store about 
 four blocks from this flat. 
 
 The next day I got away from the office for the after 
 noon with the excuse that I had to see a doctor. It was 
 raining while I stood on the corner waiting for Nadine. 
 
 When she got off the car and came toward me I 
 hardly recognized her, as she was dressed all in black 
 with a heavy black veil completely covering her face. 
 I held my umbrella over her for a moment as we stood 
 on the corner and told her I would walk ahead and turn 
 in at a certain number, and for her to follow about a 
 block behind me and turn in at the same number when 
 she reached it and that I would be waiting for her just 
 inside the door. She followed my directions and soon 
 we were safe inside the flat. 
 
CHAPTER XXXIII 
 
 FOR a few minutes after our arrival Nadine was 
 frightened at what we had done but her love 
 finally overcame this fear and before long we 
 had completely forgotten our strange surroundings. 
 
 That afternoon was one of the most memorable of my 
 life. The light in Nadine s eyes was something such as 
 I had never before seen in any woman s eyes and I 
 learned for the first time that day how much a woman 
 can love. 
 
 And that dreary, rainy afternoon I took from the 
 man who had so long posed as my friend and who had 
 stood silently by as I married the girl he had ruined, 
 his wife and the honor of his household. 
 
 That evening I took Nadine in a cab to within a block 
 of her home. She kissed me good night and, with a 
 promise to meet me again the next evening, I saw her 
 walk away through the rain to her babies and the man 
 she had forsaken. 
 
 We met again the next day, and that night I returned 
 to Chicago. She wrote to me every day, and nearly 
 every evening while I remained in Chicago I called her 
 on the long-distance phone and heard her ask, " Do you 
 love me, Bobbie? " Sometimes she would have to stop 
 
 talking and hang up the receiver as Harry would hap- 
 
 245 
 
246 N E M A N 
 
 pen to come into the room, but usually we talked for 
 two or three minutes each evening. 
 
 My work kept me in Chicago until December twenti 
 eth, when I met Nadine in Toledo by appointment. 
 
 She had managed to get away from home for several 
 days with the excuse that she was going to see friends. 
 We stayed at a hotel for three days and planned how 
 she was to get her divorce and marry me as soon as I 
 obtained mine. Her father had left her about sixty 
 thousand dollars from his estate and she had no worry 
 as to getting along without her husband s support in the 
 meantime. The next thing to do was to catch him in 
 something that would give her grounds for divorce. I 
 had a way to do that. 
 
 In January he was to meet me in Chicago and he had 
 already spoken to me about the high old time we would 
 have. I knew I could get Marie to help me frame up a 
 deal. 
 
 Christmas Eve saw me in Chicago, where I went on a 
 drunk. The next few days I loafed around the hotel 
 and the day before New Year s met an old friend with 
 whom I had often travelled. He had just quarrelled 
 with his wife and was about half-drunk. Early that 
 evening we started out to take in the usual New Year s 
 Eve celebration. We each bought a big tin horn and 
 started down State Street. At Adams and State we 
 ran into one of his lady friends who worked in one of 
 the State Street stores. She was feeling a little hilari 
 ous and informed us she was on the way to her dress 
 maker s and didn t care when she got there. While the 
 
N E M A N 247 
 
 three of us were standing there along came a reporter 
 for one of the daily papers. He, too, was about half- 
 loaded and, being acquainted with the girl, was soon 
 talking with the three of us. 
 
 The girl suggested that we get two more girls and 
 make a night of it. To this we agreed, and my friend, 
 Jim, and I began to keep an eye out for a pair that 
 looked somewhere near decent. We had passed up sev 
 eral couples when I noticed two girls coming down State 
 Street. They appeared to be very quiet and respect 
 able, but something prompted me to say to the larger 
 one of the two, " Won t you join our crowd in a little 
 celebration? " They stopped and looked at us and 
 smiled, but seemed to hesitate. We urged them to come 
 along and finally they consented. 
 
 I bought some more horns from the vendor on the cor 
 ner and gave them to the girls. Jim stepped in and, 
 taking the arm of the girl I had spoken to, headed for 
 
 the Inn. The reporter and the shop, girl followed 
 
 and I trailed along behind with the other strange girl. 
 Over at the Inn the head waiter placed us at a big double 
 table and we ordered drinks. 
 
 The girl I had accosted on the corner was a very 
 pretty, rosy-cheeked, healthy-looking girl. Her eyes 
 were very large and black, and I could see that her 
 beautiful head of dark hair was all her own. She was 
 very neatly dressed and of the type of woman that men 
 look at a second time. 
 
 I was angry at Jim for taking her away from me and 
 giving me the little girl, who was so meek. I said one 
 
248 ONE MAN 
 
 or two little things to the dark-eyed girl about Jim s 
 having taken her away from me, so she changed places 
 with the little girl. Jim objected to this but she told 
 him she would come back later. 
 
 Our crowd had had a good many drinks before eleven 
 o clock and Jim became so noisy the head waiter asked 
 us to leave. We left the place and walked around to 
 
 George s, where we had difficulty in obtaining a 
 
 table. After we had secured a very small table, the fun 
 became fast and furious and all the girls showed the ef 
 fects of the liquor which they had imbibed. There was 
 a terrible crowd down there and the air was stifling. At 
 twelve o clock pandemonium broke lose, bells were rung, 
 whistles blown and horns tooted until we were deaf. 
 
 At one o clock the reporter took the saleslady up to 
 the street car. When he returned he was cursing a 
 blue streak. It seems that he had been touched for his 
 pocket book and he believed the girl had taken it, but 
 what made him so mad was the fact that she had bor 
 rowed five cents from him for carfare. 
 
 Finally Jim went over to a nearby table to speak to 
 some women. The little girl and the reporter went over 
 to a crowd of students to help them sing and the black- 
 eyed girl was left with me. I bought her another drink 
 and suggested we get out. She said that was what she 
 had been wanting to do, so we looked around to see if we 
 could get away from the others. 
 
 Jim was still talking to the women; somebody had 
 emptied a small package of flour on his hat and he was 
 entirely oblivious of his surroundings. The little girl 
 
ONE MAN 2 19 
 
 was sitting upon the table, surrounded by students and 
 trying to drink a big stein of beer. The reporter was 
 laboriously telling some one he was reporter for 
 the . 
 
 So Bess, for that was the girl s name, slipped into her 
 coat and we skipped out. 
 
 We went over to a place on Van Buren Street where 
 we managed to get in by the way of a side door. Here 
 I ordered a bottle of wine, which we drank, when sud 
 denly Bess complained of being ill. I took her out of 
 doors and walked her around until she felt better. 
 
 I can remember her saying that if she was not back at 
 her boarding house by twelve o clock she could not get 
 in, but I paid no attention to this remark. 
 
CHAPTER XXXIV 
 
 ^T "W" THE woke up the next morning in a Wabash 
 % /% / Avenue hotel. Neither of us could remem- 
 ^r ber how we reached there. I was scared 
 for a while because I did not know what manner of trou 
 ble I had brought upon the girl. She had looked so 
 clean and decent the night before that somehow I did not 
 think she would deliberately go to a hotel as we had done 
 if she were sober. But she soon set my mind at rest by 
 telling me that this was not the first time that she had 
 stayed out all night, although she had not been guilty 
 of such a thing very often. She was only nineteen years 
 old and the downward journey had not made much of 
 an inroad as yet on her splendid health. That New 
 Year s day she told me all about herself and the life she 
 had been trying to lead, and that it sometimes seemed so 
 hopeless to even try to be decent when one had some 
 thing to always remember. In this way began a friend 
 ship which was destined to mean much to me later on. 
 
 The next day I received the following letter from 
 Nadine : 
 
 Dearest: I received your dear letter. Tell me 
 what to do and whatever you think best, I ll do. 
 
 Of course, if you do not catch Harry in something 
 I ll leave him anyway. 
 
 250 
 
N E M A N 251 
 
 The nearer I get to you, dear, the further away 
 you seem to get and when I think I can reach out my 
 arms to you there is always something which prevents 
 it. Oh, God! I hope you are sure I will not fail in my 
 divorce. Not for our sake, Bob, but for the babes. I 
 do not want to disgrace them, and, dear, I have become 
 so blind in my love that I cannot advise myself. I want 
 you, I need you, I am hungry just to hear your voice. 
 Oh, Bob, we were made for each other and we could not 
 give up the struggle now, could you? Would you? If 
 I thought you could, I would end it all right now. I 
 have put all my faith, love and confidence in you and 
 have gone against every other person on earth now. 
 No one dare or no one would dare to advise other than 
 to go to you. 
 
 Now, dear, I must leave you ; advise me quickly if 
 you want me to come to Chicago when he is caught. 
 God help us. 
 
 Yours forever, 
 
 NADINE. 
 
 I immediately wrote and told her not to come on as 
 it would only complicate matters. 
 
 Three days later Harry came and, in company with 
 Marie and another girl, we spent the entire night in a 
 hotel. We had two connecting rooms, and at four 
 o clock in the morning, while Harry lay in a drunken 
 stupor, I admitted to the room two friends of mine, who 
 took a close look at him and his companion so as to be 
 able to identify them later if necessary. 
 
252 O N E M A N 
 
 Marie had agreed to help me out on the deal, believing 
 that I was after him for something he had done to me. 
 
 The next day I called Nadine on the long-distance 
 phone and told her that it was all fixed. She wanted me 
 to write to her, giving her the details, but I told her the 
 letter might get lost. 
 
 The next morning I had a narrow escape. Harry 
 and I were at breakfast, when a page came to our table 
 with a special delivery letter from Nadine. Her hand 
 writing was very peculiar and for a moment I was afraid 
 Harry would recognize it. I grabbed the letter from 
 the tray and slipped it into my pocket, remarking that 
 I would read it later. He did not recognize the letter 
 so I escaped. I had to watch my mail closely for the 
 next few days so that he could not see it. 
 
 On the dresser in his room at the hotel was one of 
 Nadine s pictures which I had never before seen. Two 
 days after he returned home the picture was on my 
 dresser. All the time he had been in Chicago I had been 
 carrying in an inside pocket the little gold case belong 
 ing to him and containing the dainty miniature of 
 Nadine. She had given it to me at Toledo. In doing 
 these things I felt no qualms of conscience whatever. 
 
 About January twelfth she wrote me that she was 
 coming to Chicago on the fifteenth to spend Sunday with 
 me. I wrote to her to come and on Friday night she 
 phoned me that she would reach Chicago late Saturday 
 afternoon. 
 
 I met her at the depot and took her to one of the best 
 hotels. 
 
O N E M A N 253 
 
 That evening we had dinner in our rooms and sat 
 talking and planning until late. In the night she sud 
 denly asked me if I had been responsible for my wife s 
 downfall before marrying her. This question of hers 
 turned my heart to ice. When I asked her what made 
 her think I had done such a thing she simply said, 
 " Harry said so." This incident was enough for me. 
 To think that after all I had told her and all that had 
 passed between us, she could believe anything he had told 
 her showed that she did not have complete faith in me. 
 I, of course, denied the story and she said she did not 
 believe it anyway. 
 
 About nine o clock in the morning I told her I was 
 going out to see a man on business and would be back 
 in an hour. 
 
 I returned to my hotel and wrote a note telling her 
 I was being followed by a detective and for her to pay 
 her hotel bill and take the noon train for Cleveland. 
 I also told her that she would find a paid ticket and 
 parlor car seat held for her under the name of Miss An 
 drews at the ticket window at the station and with the 
 note I enclosed a twenty-dollar bill. 
 
 From a corner of the train shed I watched her take 
 the train and that night I called her up at Cleveland and 
 told her everything was all right. 
 
 I simply could not love her after the evidence of her 
 doubting me. It killed my love just as it had been born, 
 in a flash. 
 
 She wrote regularly each day and J answered every 
 letter. 
 
254 ONE M A N 
 
 During this month I took Bess out to dinner several 
 times. I had found Marie in a saloon on the North 
 Side one evening sitting on the saloon keeper s knees and 
 I was about through with her. 
 
 Bess was different from any girl I had met so far in 
 that she was very bright and entertaining and more of 
 a good chum than a sport. She had made a serious 
 mistake a year or so before and never seemed able to 
 forget it. She was a stenographer in a downtown office 
 and earned a very good salary. She was a clean-minded 
 girl and I don t think she really wanted to go on down 
 ward but went out with me more to forget her trouble 
 than for any other reason. I always treated her re 
 spectfully and tried my best to make her happy. 
 
 About this time I was frantic over being mixed up 
 with three women at one time. Marie was writing me 
 reproachful letters and Nadine was continually writing 
 and phoning me, and my work needed every bit of my 
 attention. 
 
 I was glad when February came so I could go back on 
 my trips West. I became a little careless in answering 
 Nadine s letters but corresponded regularly with Bess 
 and once in a while wrote to Marie. February tenth I 
 was called to Cleveland again. Upon the day of my ar 
 rival there I engaged a new lawyer and instructed him 
 to notify my wife that unless she filed suit for divorce 
 on the grounds of abandonment not later than February 
 twenty-fifth, we would file suit on the true grounds. 
 
 That night Harry invited me up to dinner and I sat 
 close to Nadine at the table. She had one knee pressed 
 
N E M A N 255 
 
 against mine all the time we sat there and I thought 
 two or three times she would give the whole thing away 
 by her actions. 
 
 I sat there and broke bread with him at his own table 
 and there was joy in my heart that I had somewhere 
 near evened up the score. Yet my heart ached for her 
 because she loved me so and I knew I could not love 
 her again after she had shown her lack of faith in 
 me. 
 
 After dinner that evening she brought the babies in 
 to me after she had put them into their little 
 nighties ready for bed. I held one on each knee and 
 she kneeled down in front of me and talked to the three 
 of us. Harry was playing the piano and turned 
 around once with the remark, " Oh, see our happy fam 
 ily," and then went on with his playing. 
 
 Harry made the remark that evening that he did not 
 want any more children and that he had made up his 
 mind to that long ago. He said two were enough, 
 they were so much bother. 
 
 After Nadine had put the babies to bed and Harry 
 had gone in to quiet them, she came to me and kissed 
 me, whispering that she loved me. God knows she 
 was clean and pure in her love, even though she gave 
 it as she did, and I think that He has forgiven her 
 long ago, although she will never forget the sin. 
 
 I could not get away the next day to meet her and 
 that evening she was frantic when she called me up. She 
 said Harry had gone to a dinner and would not be 
 back until very late and for me to come to the flat at 
 
256 ONE MAN 
 
 once. I told her that I could not do this as he might 
 catch me there. She said that if I did not come at 
 once that she would never see me again. 
 
 Finally I told her that I would come and I started. 
 Twice on the way I stopped in at places and phoned her, 
 telling her I could not come, but each time she grew 
 more frantic and finally I reached the flat. 
 
 She opened the door as I reached the top of the stairs 
 and I slipped in. I shall never forget how she looked 
 as she stood there in the hall dressed in a thin, white 
 neglige gown. Her hair was braided in two long 
 braids which hung nearly to her knees and her eyes 
 were like twin stars. At the sight of her my heart 
 almost stopped beating. I gathered her into my arms 
 and kissed her lips, her cheeks and her throat and held 
 her close to me for a moment. 
 
 Then, realizing the danger we were in, I told her I 
 could not stay. She clung to me and would not let 
 me go until I reminded her of what it would mean if 
 Harry came in and found us there and the disgrace it 
 would bring on her and the children. She held me 
 close to her and kissed me many times. Perhaps she 
 knew in her heart it would be the last. 
 
 After I had returned to the hotel, she called me up 
 and I heard her ask for the last time, " Bobbie, do 
 you love me? " 
 
 I left the next noon for Chicago and after seeing 
 Bess went on with my road work. 
 
 During the latter part of February I was in Chicago 
 
ONE MAN 257 
 
 and found Harry there. He acted very queer toward 
 me and I thought at the time he had found out some 
 thing concerning Nadine and me. 
 
 During the next two days he hung around me a 
 great deal, continually talking of his wife and how much 
 he loved her. He refused my invitation to join me at 
 dinner with the girls, saying he had cut out all that 
 sort of thing. I left him in Chicago and went West 
 again on business. 
 
 Nadine had told me in one of her letters in the early 
 part of December that she had finally broken off all re 
 lations with him on ajccount of his having been mixed 
 up with some woman in Cleveland in the latter part of 
 November. 
 
 It seems that some drunken woman had called up 
 the flat one morning and Nadine answering the phone 
 asked her what she wanted. The woman replied that 
 she wanted her Harry and wanted him damn quick. 
 Nadine had tried to find out who she was, but the woman 
 hung up the receiver. 
 
 When Nadine asked Harry regarding this, he at 
 first denied knowing the woman, but finally said he had 
 met her a few evenings before. Then Nadine told him 
 she was through with him, but that she would continue 
 to live there in the flat and take care of the home and 
 the babies. 
 
 Nadine wrote me daily and several times asked me to 
 send her some sort of an affidavit regarding Harry s 
 escapade in Chicago. I put her off each time, say- 
 
258 N E M A N 
 
 ing I would soon be in Cleveland. I was tempted 
 to send her one of the photos we had had taken the pre 
 ceding July, but I did not do it. About March tenth I 
 received this letter from her: 
 
 Thursday evening. 
 My dearest: 
 
 It has been several days since I have written or heard 
 from you but I think it s on account of the severe snow 
 storms here and there also. 
 
 My heart, dear, is ever with you and to-night some 
 how I turn to you more than ever. 
 
 By this time you must have my letters forwarded to 
 you from Omaha. 
 
 The babes are both better and oh, how I wish I 
 could give you a good report of myself, but I am ill 
 and I am much afraid it means trouble. 
 
 I feel miserable. It nearly breaks my heart for 
 just at this time, dear, it must not be that s all. 
 
 I believe, dear, I never wanted you or needed you as 
 this night and all day, Bob, I felt as though you must 
 come to me at once. There has been nothing in the 
 papers as yet regarding your wife s having filed suit 
 though I look each morning and evening regularly. 
 As the time passes I grow more afraid she will not ap 
 ply and, dear, don t you see what disgrace it means if 
 you apply? 
 
 Bobby, think of me if what I fear is true regarding 
 this other. 
 
 Don t worry, dear, I ll find a way. Still my heart 
 
O N E M A N 259 
 
 breaks as I have to tell you this. I cannot bear to 
 stay here, still I must for a time yet. 
 
 To-night, dear, I wonder where you are? I wonder 
 if your heart aches as mine to-night. I wonder how 
 this will all come out. 
 
 Let me know, dear, how you are feeling. I don t 
 understand your silence. Perhaps I will hold this let 
 ter until I hear from you again. 
 
 Don t you have to be here when you apply for a di 
 vorce and can they claim you as a non-resident? 
 
 I can t write much to-night, dear boy, as I am not 
 well enough but, dear, my silence the last few days 
 means that I had no way to reach you, not knowing your 
 address. 
 
 Never forget me like this again, as it cuts so deep 
 although I know you never meant not to send me your 
 addresses. 
 
 Harry stands here talking over the phone to a friend 
 and I am writing to you. 
 
 Oh, God, I want you to love me and tell me over and 
 over again I am all yours. Those letters would help 
 me so now. Never forget, dear, these are bitter days 
 for me without you. 
 
 J love you, dear good night and love me. 
 
 Forever, 
 
 NADINE. 
 
 P. S. I would give all for your dear lips to-night 
 on mine. 
 
 This letter startled me and worried me a great deal. 
 
260 O N E M A N 
 
 I had known for some time that I could not marry her, 
 not only because my first love for her was dead but 
 also because I saw at last the folly of dragging her 
 into the mess I had made of my life and then I thought 
 anyway, that some day even after she married me, she 
 might deeply regret our relations prior to our mar 
 riage. I felt that Nadine would be better off with 
 Harry and perhaps in time he would come to love her 
 as he should and she to forgive him and love him. 
 
 This new trouble, if that is what it turned out to be, 
 would complicate matters a great deal, but I reasoned 
 that she would be able to explain it in some way. 
 
 At this time the effects of smoking cigarettes were 
 becoming very pronounced. I smoked about twenty- 
 five a day and would get up in the night to smoke. 
 The constant use of the cigarettes seemed to obliterate 
 any sense of right and wrong. I drank considerable 
 and began to forget details in my work. 
 
 March fifteenth I went to E for a rest. Late 
 
 in the afternoon of that same day, the Western Union 
 telephoned the following message to me at the house : 
 
 " Look out. You are in danger of arrest." 
 
 (Signed) 
 
 " HANNAH." 
 
 Nadine s servant was named Hannah and I knew im 
 mediately that something was wrong, but I could not 
 wire any answer for fear of getting Nadine into more 
 trouble. 
 
N E M A N 261 
 
 The receipt of this wire made me wild. To think 
 of this message coming over the wires into the city 
 where my father was getting to be a prominent man 
 was more than I could stand, but I was absolutely 
 without recourse at the time. 
 
CHAPTER XXXy 
 
 I REMAINED around the house for two days when 
 I received the following letter, mailed from a 
 small suburb of Cleveland. It was written in 
 a scrawling hand and was stained with tears. 
 
 Robert: 
 
 For God s sake look out. Harry has a detective 
 following you and has your last letter to me. Send 
 my mail care of Hannah Roberts, General Delivery, 
 and she will call for it there. Don t fail to do this. 
 
 He promised me that the minute I gave you up, he 
 would let the detective off your track. He has your 
 letter to me and oh, God, I am wild. 
 
 Hannah telegraphed you. I don t know what she 
 wired but she tried to help us. I am insane over it 
 all, be so careful. Will let you know all when it s 
 safe to write. 
 
 I am writing this in the bathroom. He is watching 
 me. I am in Hell but to protect you I denied every 
 question he asked me. I shall deny all to save you. 
 He intended to arrest you but when I got down on my 
 knees he promised not to. I can t say anything. All 
 I can do is to send this hoping it reaches you safely. 
 
 Forever, 
 
 I love you, dear. NADINE. 
 
ONE MAN 
 
 I knew when I received this that there was deep 
 trouble ahead for us and also that I would have to re 
 sign my position. This latter fact did not worry me, 
 as I had had several offers from other firms, so I imme 
 diately wired an eastern house who wired back that 
 they were making me a proposition by mail and ask 
 ing me to await their letter before doing anything. 
 
 In the same mail with Nadine s letter came a letter 
 from my attorney. This letter had followed me 
 around the country for two weeks. My lawyer wrote 
 that on February twenty-fifth my wife had filed suit 
 for divorce on the grounds of abandonment. This 
 was good news to me. / 
 
 Two days after this I received a special delivery let- , 
 ter from Nadine, reading as follows: 
 
 Dearest: 
 
 Am taking an awful risk in sending this. Hannah 
 will mail it at Station K. Harry has a government 
 inspector watching all incoming and outgoing mail. 
 They got your letter on March 8th. I never got to 
 know what was in it but whatever you do, deny it as 
 I am doing. Otherwise he is going to use it to ac 
 complish his aims and he said he knew I was in Chicago 
 with you. That must have been his detective that fol 
 lowed you. 
 
 Also he said he would have you behind the bars in 
 twenty-four hours if I did not give you up. We must 
 be patient now and let matters settle. I am in an aw 
 ful state of mind and body so I ll agree as far as he 
 
264 ONE MAN 
 
 is concerned not to write to you, but, dear, keep me 
 posted through Hannah at the down town postoffice. 
 
 Oh, God, how I have suffered. Hannah sent the best 
 telegram she could to you as I was watched. My 
 heart is broken, dear, as now he has us at least for 
 awhile. 
 
 For God s sake burn my letters. He claims he will 
 get them. He also says I am wearing your ring and 
 if I must, I ll send you a box, empty, to fool them as 
 he has ordered me to send it to you. If they open it, 
 what then? 
 
 When he questioned me to-day I laughed at him and 
 told him I would answer " no " to every question de 
 signed to entrap you, that I loved you and would pro 
 tect you. 
 
 Soon, dear, I can see you, but when you do come for 
 God s sake let no one know it. 
 
 He says if I leave here, he will prove me unfaithful 
 with proof he claims the detective obtained and that 
 he will take my babes. 
 
 I love you, dear, never forget this, but I must be 
 patient for a while. Do not say anything they will 
 understand when you write. 
 
 Be brave and let it comfort you that I am ever, 
 
 Your NADINE. 
 
 I wrote to her in care of Hannah telling her about 
 the message I had received and how angry I had been. 
 I also told her I was that day resigning my position 
 
O N E M A N 265 
 
 with her husband s firm and that I could not come to 
 Cleveland. 
 
 In this letter I also told her many other things, try 
 ing to show her the folly of our love for each other. I 
 was a little harsh, but I was doing it for her own sake. 
 
 In the same mail I wrote the firm resigning my posi 
 tion, to take effect immediately. 
 
 A few days later I received an answer from the treas 
 urer of the company, expressing regret at my action 
 and stating that he hoped that I would reconsider it 
 before accepting any other position. This, at least, 
 showed that my work with them had been appreci 
 ated. 
 
 About a week later I received another letter from 
 Nadine. This letter contained a small piece of the 
 broad pink silk ribbon she was so fond of wearing in 
 her hair c Following is the letter. 
 
 Dear Robert: 
 
 It seems only fit that I write once again to you and 
 tell you that whatever has happened, I am absolutely 
 innocent of it all. I have had so much to make me 
 turn from you but listen, Robert, it has not shaken 
 me at all. I still feel the same and God knows I always 
 shall toward you. In justice to myself I will say that 
 I have no hatred, nothing but what I have always had 
 for you. It has been so hard to bear it all but my 
 tongue has held back everything. I told them nothing 
 and I have suffered so much that life is nothing to me. 
 
266 O N E M A N 
 
 Your old words over the phone, Bob, that you loved 
 me, are always in my ears. 
 
 Surely, Bob, they have turned you from me but, 
 dear, ask your own heart, look back over all I have 
 ever been to you and then form your judgment against 
 me. It crushed me that you did not come but I am 
 waiting just as I was before. 
 
 Your letter stabbed me to the quick, but what a dear 
 comfort to know that I have never said anything to 
 them about you and, Bob, if they should take all those 
 dear letters of mine written from the depths of my 
 heart to you, into court, I can still face you and look 
 straight into your eyes and know I have never wronged 
 you. 
 
 My one sin is that I loved you. I was unselfish in it 
 for I knew how much you needed a love like mine. 
 
 Yesterday, Easter, I went to church and, Bob, I 
 asked God to help you to know and help you to do 
 right. I am asking nothing by writing this letter. It 
 is sort of farewell to you. I am so crushed that I 
 cannot write connectedly but listen, dear, I have for 
 given you for everything and have made my own peace 
 with God. 
 
 When I sent you that telegram, it was to warn you 
 and protect you, Bob. I was so afraid he would arrest 
 you. He threatened to so many times. 
 
 I am sending you this little piece of ribbon and if it 
 reminds you of me and you still care, return it and if 
 not, take back the hope you gave, I claim only a mem 
 ory of the same. 
 
N E M A N 267 
 
 i 
 There is no need to tell you, Bob, how sick I am and 
 
 it is all the worse with no cheering, hopeful letters 
 from you. I have asked God to help you. 
 
 But what is left for me? I shall never give you up. 
 
 Forever, 
 
 NADINE. 
 
 P. S. Do you love me, dear? 
 
 You promised to never leave me and said that I was 
 ycurs forever. Some day you will come to me, won t 
 you, dear? 
 
 This letter showed me what I had done and I felt 
 again that there was no hope for me. But I did place 
 the little bit of ribbon in an envelope and send it to 
 her. 
 
 A few days later I received the following: 
 
 The return of the piece of pink ribbon, dear, has 
 filled my heart with hope for I know not what, only 
 it came from you. 
 
 My heart stopped beating to see your writing. 
 
 Never have I turned from you in these days since I 
 have been making dear little baby clothes, I have tried 
 to hear always in my ears, " I love you, dear." This 
 has kept me from breaking down. I have more courage 
 than I ever had and whatever it is, dear, that has caused 
 this trouble remember in your heart I ll always love you 
 and you can never again say you are alone. 
 
 Forever, 
 
 NADINE. 
 
268 O N E M A N 
 
 After I read this letter, I went up to my little room 
 and after locking the door got down on my knees be 
 side the bed and asked God to forgive me for what I 
 had done. It had been all my fault, after all. But 
 somehow when I arose from my knees I did not feel 
 that God had even heard my petition for forgiveness. 
 
 That afternoon I received a wire from an attorney 
 in Cleveland stating he was representing Harry s fa 
 ther and asking if I would consult with him if he 
 came to B . I wired back that I would see him. 
 
 He arrived two days later and I met him in his room 
 at the hotel. He handed me a large legal document 
 and said that if I would sign it and turn over to him all 
 of Nadine s letters and photographs, he would return 
 me the letters I had written her, give me release of all 
 claims which Harry might have against me and also 
 would give me a draft for five hundred dollars. 
 
 I threw the papers in his face and had started to 
 the door when he called me back. 
 
 He asked me to listen to him for only a few minutes 
 and I told him to go ahead. 
 
 He stated that on the evening of the day previous 
 to his wiring me, Nadine, in the presence of her sister, 
 her brother-in-law, her husband and his father and 
 mother and two attorneys, including himself, had made 
 a clean breast of the whole thing and had asked for 
 forgiveness. He went on to describe the whole scene 
 and I knew his story was true. He laid on the table 
 the ring and the pin I had given Nadine and a lot of 
 my letters. He told me that he knew Harry had 
 
O N E M A N 269 
 
 wronged me and then he asked me to read over the pa 
 pers he had brought. 
 
 I read them over and hesitated. There were two 
 copies signed by both Harry and Nadine and they con 
 tained a release of all claims which they or myself 
 might have against each other. 
 
 At last I told the attorney that I would sign them 
 and give him the letters upon his promise to deliver 
 them to Nadine. He agreed to this and I took him to 
 the safety deposit vaults and got the letters and the 
 other things which Nadine had given me. I had placed 
 them there a few days before so that no one could get 
 them away from me. 
 
 I had at home a few of her letters and pictures which 
 I did not surrender, saying nothing to the attorney 
 about them. 
 
 I signed the papers and after turning over the let 
 ters received a draft for five hundred dollars. Half 
 of this went later to pay for my divorce and I sent a 
 draft for the other half, without anything to tell 
 who it came from, to the local orphan asylum. I 
 felt that it was no more than right that his money 
 should pay the cost of severing the knot which bound 
 me to the woman whose downfall he had caused. 
 
 I have never seen either Harry or Nadine since, but 
 in the Fall of that year and on my birthday, the twen 
 ty-first of September, a baby boy was born to them. 
 
 What must have been her thought as she nursed that 
 little one? Could she love it and care for it as she did 
 for the other babes? What must he have thought as 
 
270 ONE MAN 
 
 he gazed upon that little face? What could his 
 thoughts have been when he heard that tiny wail in 
 the still hours of the night? 
 
 They moved to the south of France shortly after 
 the boy was born and many of their friends wondered 
 why they chose to leave their old home. But his fa 
 ther had business interests there and they have settled 
 down to live out the rest of their lives. 
 
 And that fair haired, blue eyed little lad growing up 
 under foreign skies ^-. will any of us three ever know 
 the truth? 
 
CHAPTER XXXVI 
 
 IN the new position which I shortly afterward ac 
 cepted, my earnings were large and my work very 
 pleasant. My duties took me all over the United 
 States. During early May while in Chicago I re 
 ceived word that my wife had obtained a divorce and I 
 was free. Some of my friends heard the news and in 
 vited me to a celebration in honor of the event. Marie 
 accompanied me and for the first and only time in my 
 life, I became helplessly drunk. This scared me and 
 from then on I cut down on my drinking. 
 
 I had not seen Bess for some time and had not in 
 vited her to attend the celebration, as I knew it would 
 be a wild, rough time and I knew she did not care much 
 for that sort of amusement. I had not written to her, 
 anyway, for a long time. 
 
 During the latter part of May I wrote Marie that I 
 was coming to Chicago and asked her to meet me at 
 the train. She did so and we went to one of the big ho 
 tels. She had been going down hill rapidly and the 
 next morning when I saw that her clothes were shabby 
 and that she had not been taking good care of herself, 
 I, low down and unprincipled as I was, decided to pass 
 her up for good. After breakfast we parted, agree 
 ing to meet again that evening, but I did not keep the 
 
 271 
 
272 O N E M A N 
 
 appointment. I never saw her again, but received the 
 following from her in August: 
 
 Dear Bob: 
 
 I really have no excuse for bothering you with this 
 letter, but some way I have been feeling blue and rather 
 lonesome to-day. I know you do not care if I write 
 you and it will undoubtedly make me feel better to 
 write this little letter to you. 
 
 I have been wondering so much to-day where you are 
 and what you are doing. Can you not find time in 
 your busy life to write me just a little note and cheer 
 me up a bit? For the sake of the many good times 
 we have had together, please write and tell me some 
 thing about yourself. 
 
 As ever, 
 
 MARIE. 
 
 I did not reply to this letter and later in the Fall 
 heard that she had entered a resort in St. Louis. 
 
 In June I went to a certain big city in Indiana to 
 figure on a large contract. I waited for two days to 
 see the man who had the placing of the contract and 
 finally, when I stood face to face with him, saw that it 
 was the old warden of the penitentiary where I had 
 spent so many dreary days. For a moment, I could 
 not speak, feeling sure he would recognize me, but he 
 did not. I talked as little as possible and I guess this 
 helped me, for I went away that day with a signed 
 contract in my pocket. 
 
ONE MAN 273 
 
 During July I was in Chicago most of the time and 
 was soon going around with Bess again. 
 
 She did not care much for drinking and dinners and 
 we spent some of our evenings wandering around the 
 parks. She roomed on Michigan Avenue and many 
 an evening we have walked over to the lake front and 
 sat there talking until a late hour. I often told her of 
 little incidents of my boyhood days and one evening 
 after telling her of a particularly vicious piece of dev 
 iltry, she said laughingly, " Bobbie, you re a bum," 
 and I replied in the same bantering tone, " So are you, 
 Bess." She said very quietly that she knew it and God 
 only knew how sorry she was. I do not believe to this 
 day that Bess in those days ever really gave up hope of 
 yet becoming decent. 
 
 She seemed to care far more for me when we were 
 sitting on the retaining wall on the lake front watching 
 the play of the moonlight on the water than *when we 
 sat at a table in a cafe. She took very good care of 
 herself and always looked neat and clean. She worked 
 hard and saved her money and I always felt somehow 
 that she was trying to stand still on the downward road. 
 I used to tell her that our present life could only have 
 one ending and she used to say, " Bobbie, why don t 
 you turn around? " and I would answer that it was too 
 late for me to turn. 
 
 We became good friends during this time and I used 
 to wonder how our friendship would end. 
 
 The first of August I took another position at a 
 larger salary, leaving my former employer without any 
 
274 O N E M A N 
 
 notice. During August and September I travelled con 
 siderably, taking in only the larger cities. I saw Bess 
 two or three times a month and was beginning to wish 
 that I could settle down in Chicago. 
 
 September twenty-sixth I was offered a position that 
 paid a salary of five thousand dollars a year and ex 
 penses with another Cleveland firm and I accepted it 
 immediately, again leaving my former employer with 
 out any notice. On the night of September twenty- 
 eighth, after having been with Bess all evening, I left 
 for Cleveland to take up my new work. 
 
 I was not afraid to go back there as I knew Harry 
 was too big a coward to say anything to me and I 
 knew his folks had no desire for any publicity. 
 
 My new employers were very nice people and I con 
 gratulated myself on having made the change. My 
 work necessitated a great deal of travelling and I did 
 not have much time to brood over my troubles. 
 
 Bess and I corresponded regularly and her letters 
 gave me a great deal of pleasure. 
 
 But early in December there came one which caused 
 me many heart aches. It was as follows: 
 
 Bobbie dear: 
 
 You will certainly think there is something wrong 
 or you wouldn t be getting another letter from me be 
 fore you have had time to answer the last one. 
 
 I hardly know how to write what I want to tell you. 
 It would be much easier to tell you about it if I could 
 
N E M A N 275 
 
 only see you. I suppose I may as well commence at 
 the beginning and tell you all. 
 
 The first week I was home on my vacation, I met a 
 young fellow and I guess it was simply a case of love at 
 first sight. There have been a couple of other times 
 in my life when I thought I was in love, but when com 
 pared with this I see how insignificant they were. 
 
 We are not going to be married until some time next 
 summer. 
 
 He is a little taller than I am and is very light. He 
 
 is a graduate of University and has worked in 
 
 Chicago for two years. He is going into business 
 with his father next month and I don t see any reason 
 why we shouldn t be happy and contented. 
 
 He is only twenty-four and it seems as though we 
 are pretty young but we have both seen enough of the 
 world to know what we are doing. 
 
 We won t get to see each other very often in the 
 next few months, but he is going to spend every other 
 Sunday in Chicago with me. 
 
 I am done with the old life; you know Bobbie what 
 I mean, and hereafter I am going to do what is right. 
 I am going to be true blue, for, after all, what is there 
 in life, except the love of one man and one woman for 
 each other? 
 
 You are the first and only person who knows about 
 this, but I think that under the circumstances it is 
 only fair that I tell you all about it. 
 
 I will always be glad to hear from you, Bob, and 
 
276 ONE M A N 
 
 when I am married no one will ever be more welcome in 
 my home than you. 
 
 If you care to answer this letter, address me at the 
 old address and when you get in town you might call 
 me up. 
 
 I consider you one of the best friends I ever had and 
 will certainly never forget the good times we have had 
 together. I hope we will always continue to be the 
 very best of friends. 
 
 I hope to hear from you soon. 
 
 As ever, 
 
 BESS. 
 
 I was glad to hear this news, and yet was sorry to 
 lose Bess. 
 
 That night I wrote her a long letter and the last page 
 of it was blurred with many tears, as I closed with a 
 " God bless you " and wished her luck. 
 
 Several days later I received another letter from her 
 thanking me for my letter and telling me to be sure to 
 let her know when I was coming to Chicago. 
 
CHAPTER XXXVII 
 
 THE day before Christmas I was in Toronto 
 and in the mail that morning received a letter 
 from Mother saying that my girl relative with 
 whom I had gone slumming many years before in 
 
 B had written saying she was in Cleveland with 
 
 her husband and would like to have my address. The 
 letter was two weeks old, having been forwarded to me 
 via Cleveland and New York. 
 
 So when I returned to Cleveland the twenty-sixth, 
 I hardly expected to see her, but upon inquiry found 
 that her husband was working at one of the local the 
 atres. I called him up and he immediately asked me to 
 come down and he would take me over to his wife. 
 
 I had nothing to do that day, so walked over to the 
 theatre and introduced myself to him. He said that 
 he had often heard his wife speak of me and that he 
 would take me over to the house as soon as he was 
 through with rehearsal. They were staying with some 
 friends and had been in the city three weeks. On the 
 way home he told me about himself and I learned that 
 he was getting up new music for some production. 
 
 When we reached the house his wife was not up, so 
 we had to wait a short time. When she did come into 
 the room, she surprised me, for she had grown into a 
 beautiful woman. 
 
 277 
 
278 O N E M A N 
 
 She walked up to me and kissed me square on the lips 
 and then smiled at her husband and said, " He s my re 
 lation." He did not seem to object to it. 
 
 He had to go back to the theatre and invited me 
 to make myself at home until his return when we could 
 all have lunch together. 
 
 After he had gone, Tulips, for that is what I called 
 my cousin on account of her pretty lips, made me come 
 into her bedroom, where she had her coffee and toast 
 served. She told me all that had happened since we 
 last met and how she had come to marry her husband. 
 She showed me some of the songs she had composed 
 and on the walls of her room were many autographed 
 photos of prominent stage folk. 
 
 Their home was in New York and they had been do 
 ing theatrical work for some time. Her husband was 
 twenty-eight and she was twenty-six. They had come 
 to Cleveland, where he had about four weeks work to 
 attend to. 
 
 In a joking way she asked me if I loved her yet as 
 I had vowed I did years before and I laughingly told 
 her yes and that each time I had been in New York 
 I had tried to find her. 
 
 She certainly did look sweet that morning. I could 
 not help noticing the tiny little gold-beaded slippers 
 she was wearing and she took one off and tossed it to 
 me. This incident started us talking of her visit to 
 our house years before and she wanted to know if I 
 was as pious now as then. I smiled and told her if she 
 only could read faces, she would not ask that question. 
 
O N E M A N 279 
 
 Remarking that I did look a little " battered," she 
 made me promise to spend the evening with her. Sho 
 smoked a cigarette with me and also sang a couple of 
 her songs. 
 
 Her husband returned about this time and pleading 
 a previous engagement I got out of going to lunch 
 with them and went back to the hotel. 
 
 That evening I went to the house again, taking along 
 a hundred of my favorite cigarettes as a little gift. 
 She was waiting for me and after thanking me for the 
 gift, she asked me to take her some place where we 
 could get a drink. 
 
 We went to a cafe and after we had had about a 
 dozen drinks I was making love to her again. She be 
 came confidential and told me how sick she was of strug 
 gling along on fifty dollars a week. It seems her fa 
 ther and mother had lost their money and were living 
 with her in New York. Her father had a poorly paid 
 position and just managed to keep up his part of the 
 household expense. 
 
 Tulips became very tearful and also very drunk 
 and demanded that I take her out of the cafe. When 
 I got her out on to the street, the cold air seemed to 
 make her feel worse instead of bracing her up. She 
 was a dead weight in my arms and I was getting scared 
 as it was already eleven o clock. 
 
 I put her into a cab and told the cabby to drive us 
 to a certain hotel, where I carried her to a room and 
 laid her on the bed. Then I sent for a doctor who 
 was a friend of mine and we got her sobered up. I 
 
280 O N E M A N 
 
 took her home, reaching there at one o clock. Luckily 
 her husband was out somewhere playing poker and did 
 not see us. 
 
 The next evening I took her to dinner with me. Her 
 husband had to be at the theatre and seemed contented 
 to have her go out with me. That evening we drank 
 considerable, but I watched her this time and when 
 she had had enough I suggested we get out. 
 
 She demanded to be taken to the same room in the 
 hotel where we had been the night before. I tried to 
 persuade her to forget that, but she insisted, so we 
 went. 
 
 She had a crying spell as soon as we entered the 
 room and began telling me all her troubles and said 
 she wished she had married me. I took her in my arms 
 and comforted her and before I knew it we had both 
 forgotten her husband and even the fact that we were 
 distant relatives. 
 
 Late in the evening she began to demand a drink 
 about every fifteen minutes and smoked innumerable 
 cigarettes, which helped to make matters worse. When 
 I took her home at two thirty we were both drunk. 
 
 As we stepped out of the cab at the house, we saw 
 her husband walking up and down the sidewalk waiting 
 for her. He began to scold her and she slapped him 
 across the face and told me to take her in the house, 
 which I did. I did not know at what minute he would 
 jump me, but he seemed very meek about that part of 
 it, simply saying he had told her to be in by eleven 
 o clock. I apologized for our condition and Tulips 
 
ONE MAN 281 
 
 immediately slapped my face. This seemed to please 
 the husband. 
 
 The next morning when I called up the house and 
 asked for Tulips, some woman answered that she and 
 her husband had gone out of town, but I knew from the 
 way the woman spoke that she was acting under the in 
 structions of some one. 
 
 During the day I wrote her husband a letter, apolo 
 gizing for our condition of the night before and told 
 him I would be more careful next time. 
 
 The next evening at seven I called up and asked for 
 Tulips and she came to the phone. I told her I was 
 going away that night and she said she must see me 
 and for me to meet her at a certain drug store. I sent 
 my baggage to the station and went to meet her. 
 
 She looked ill when I met her and told me to take her 
 some place where we could talk. I took her to a cafe 
 and she ordered a dish of ice cream for each of us. 
 
 When it arrived she looked at it a little ruefully and 
 then told me what had happened. It seems that after 
 the morning of our return to the house she had quar 
 relled with her husband and he had locked her in her 
 bedroom. In the afternoon she secured a pint bottle 
 of whiskey and drank most of it, so that by the time I 
 called up, her husband was fighting mad and told her 
 friend, Mrs. N , to say that they were out of town. 
 
 She had sent a note to the Hollenden for me and I 
 had not received it. Until I called her that evening 
 she had been in bed all day. 
 
 She wanted me to take her away for a couple of days, 
 
282 O N E M A N 
 
 saying she could arrange to meet a friend in Chicago, 
 but I told her I could not, as I had to go to Chicago 
 on important business. I promised her to be back on 
 Sunday and would then see what we could do. 
 
 She rode in a taxi with me to the station and waited 
 with me until nearly train time, when I put her into a 
 cab and kissing her good night, sent her home. She 
 was crying when we parted. 
 
 She had had a hard life, having been brought up in 
 luxury and suddenly losing everything, and then 
 having to give music lessons until she married the 
 man who could not earn enough to keep her in com 
 fort. 
 
 I thought a lot of her, and in fact had fallen in love 
 with her, but that love was founded on passion. 
 
 I reached Chicago the next morning and found there 
 at the hotel a note from Bess, saying that she had 
 moved and would call me up at seven o clock that even 
 ing. I had written her several days before that I 
 would be there Friday and asked her to call me up at 
 the hotel. We had not met since September twenty- 
 ninth and although I knew she was engaged yet I did 
 want to see her again. 
 
 At seven she called me and we talked a long time. 
 At last I mustered up courage enough to ask if she 
 did not want to come down town and meet me. She 
 said she would come right down and told me where to 
 meet her. 
 
 When I saw her coming across the street I was sur 
 prised at her appearance. She had always looked nice, 
 
O N E M A N 283 
 
 but that night she looked sweeter and prettier than 
 ever. She was the perfect picture of health and right 
 then and there I made up my mind to send her back 
 home as soon as I could, for I knew that my being with 
 her would not help her any. 
 
 After she had greeted me I asked her if she wanted to 
 go to a certain cafe and to my surprise she said I could 
 not take her there fast enough as she was half dead of 
 thirst and that she had not been out on a time for 
 weeks. 
 
 Then I told her that since she phoned I had re 
 ceived a wire asking me to meet my sister at a late 
 train and that I had only an hour or two to spare. 
 Bess was greatly disappointed over this and said that 
 all the way in on the train, she had been thinking about 
 the good time we were going to have. 
 
 We went to a cafe and securing a table in an out-of- 
 the-way corner sat down to talk of the old times and 
 her engagement. 
 
 When it came to this latter subject, she did not seem 
 so enthusiastic over it. I could see something was 
 wrong, but knowing engaged people sometimes quarrel 
 I thought that the trouble would right itself. She told 
 me that she had not taken a drink or been out on a 
 time for weeks and that she never felt so well in all her 
 life. She said she had arranged to stay out that night 
 as late as she wanted and felt like crying because I 
 had to go to the train. 
 
 I stood by my good resolutions, however, and after 
 we had had a few drinks, I put her on the train and sent 
 
284 O N E M A N 
 
 her home, promising to call her up the next day. That 
 night I went back to the hotel and wrote a long letter 
 to Tulips telling her how much I loved her. 
 
 The next day I received the following letter from 
 her: 
 
 Dearest: 
 
 A lovely drunken cabby brought me home. He 
 smelled so of whiskey I was really shocked and me 
 without a chaperon! I am ashamed to death when I 
 realize that I am worse than any old washerwoman who 
 breathes gin into a shirt front. 
 
 Oh, the calm of the languorous hour which results 
 in a dish of cold ice cream. You are the dearest boy 
 to me and perhaps I love you. 
 
 Don t get in the dumps. You always used to mope 
 around me. Don t do it any more because I am not 
 basking in the virgin light which a pure and unsullied 
 reputation reflects just now at home and blue dev 
 ils would mean sure death. I haven t stopped to think 
 ahead yet I am afraid to. 
 
 This will be a short note, dearie, because it is late, 
 but what I am not writing I am thinking. Be a 
 good child and think of me rubbing cold cream into 
 the wrinkles in my face caused from two days 
 worry. 
 
 I will see that the porter over at the Hollenden turns 
 the hose on the Welcome mat there to freshen it up a 
 bit for your arrival Sunday. You will find a note 
 there. 
 
N E M A N 285 
 
 Now good night, dear boy; fate is the devil s own 
 trick, isn t it? 
 
 Good night again, 
 
 All sunshine for you 
 and God bless you. 
 
 TULIPS. 
 
 New Year s Eve I did not go out of the hotel but 
 went to bed early instead. 
 
 Sunday afternoon, while sitting in the lobby of the 
 hotel, one of the old prison guards walked past me. 
 
CHAPTER XXXVIII 
 
 I WAS afraid he had recognized me, but again I 
 was fortunate. If he had recognized me and 
 said anything about it to the room clerk on 
 duty it would only be a few days until the story would 
 be all over and all the work of the past years undone. 
 
 It seemed to me that Sunday afternoon as I sat in 
 my room staring out into the twilight, that after all, 
 my fight had been a losing one. Even after eight long 
 years I was liable to recognition at any time and the 
 truth would become known. Always this thought had 
 been with me and I had simply gritted my teeth and 
 fought on, yet never before had it been brought home 
 to me so forcibly as when I recognized the ex-guard. 
 
 I sat there until late in the evening, again going back 
 over all the past and I began to see at last that the life 
 I had led would bring me nothing and that a success in 
 making money did not necessarily mean a successful 
 life. I saw, for the first time plainly, that men worked 
 for other things besides money and that honor and the 
 respect of other men made up the greater share of 
 life s success. 
 
 When I at last roused from my reveries it was ten 
 o clock and I had begun to think of a cleaner life. 
 
 I think that the sight of Bess two nights before and 
 
 286 
 
N E M A N 287 
 
 the realization of what an improvement a few weeks of 
 clean living had made in even her usually healthy ap 
 pearance had set me thinking. 
 
 Then the sight of that old guard had taken me back 
 to that bright spring day when with a heart full of 
 good resolutions I had stepped forth from that dreary 
 house of sorrow into God s sunshine. Looking back 
 over it all had shown me how I had failed. 
 
 I was yet far from even making any good resolutions 
 but I had begun to question myself and, thank God, 
 when a man begins to do that, there is some hope for 
 him. 
 
 The next morning I went North on business. I had 
 promised Tulips to return to Cleveland the day before, 
 but I knew when I promised her that I could not return 
 so soon, but I thought to make it easier for her by 
 promising to do so. 
 
 Monday night I wrote her and told her I had been 
 delayed in my return, but I knew she would think 
 that I had been out on a big spree New Year s Eve so 
 I was not surprised to receive the following from her 
 on Thursday at Chicago: 
 
 Dear boy: 
 
 You didn t think of it, but our lovely spitty post- 
 office closed here most inopportunely both Sunday and 
 Monday. So I only received your three letters this 
 morning. 
 
 I have read each letter four times and now must con 
 sign them to the kitchen stove. They are splendid read- 
 
288 ONE MAN 
 
 ing, believe me, and as sceptical as I am, as bumping 
 about has made me I am inclined to believe you, at 
 least I am going to accept all you say because you 
 have jollied me up. 
 
 I have certainly had a bunch of ups and downs and 
 right here I will smear a dash of blue across the picture 
 and then cut it out. I have never been quite so up 
 against it. I can t write all but and I am not 
 meaning any injustice toward any one else but hub 
 by s health simply won t permit him to work any harder 
 than to just about take care of himself and it isn t 
 right for me to drag the life out of him to make a liv 
 ing for me, too. It is simply a situation that has to 
 be looked squarely in the face and it means for me to 
 do something. 
 
 He is very sad over it and the whole thing is mad 
 dening to me. I never dreamed of anything like this 
 happening to me. But when he came from the doc 
 tor s to-day, he said I was right and he couldn t say 
 no. This sort of thing casts a gloom over one s gen 
 eral life and the pity I have for people has been my 
 own ruination. 
 
 I can sit down and cry for hours over something that 
 doesn t even worry the person I am weeping for 
 but that s my nature. I don t believe any one can 
 ever be happy with that in their system. Mamma is 
 the same way. She will dissolve in tears at the mere 
 mention of the days when she wouldn t let me have the 
 cake when I wanted it but only when I didn t want it 
 at meal times. 
 
N E M A N 289 
 
 I don t see anything ahead of me but the stage I 
 shall have to try this small circuit first to get accus 
 tomed to the work and to throw presentable stuff to 
 gether. I know what vaudeville wants but I want to 
 get used to doing things gradually. 
 
 I know what you perhaps are tempted to say, " Let 
 me help you " ; but please don t, for I have everything 
 planned and I would hate myself if I didn t do it in my 
 own way -. I wouldn t be any kind of a sport or a 
 woman if I didn t. 
 
 Do you know I am just enough of a fatalist to be 
 lieve there was something meant by our meeting again. 
 You tried to see me in New York and I tried to find 
 you here at the same time and you finally found me 
 here. We should have met in New York sooner or 
 later so it was inevitable why, dear? 
 
 There is a Destiny ! Believe it? Fate is gener 
 ous but indiscriminate in picking out our relatives but 
 still I am glad there is a little of the same blood in our 
 veins somehow it brings you nearer and I seem to 
 have more claim on you than other hussies. I can 
 stand up and say : " Get to hell out of here, will you 
 he s my relative." (Get to hell is my favorite ex 
 pression anyway). 
 
 Every day since I ve been here you ve been in my 
 mind " slush " I hear you say. The explanation 
 simply reeks of simplicity, one of the musicians at the 
 theatre resembles you. I am offering this as a part of 
 Fate s game. I can t explain how I feel toward you, 
 but I can talk to you and you will understand. 
 
290 N E M A N 
 
 Many a girl has gone out on the stage with a smile 
 on her lips and tears in her heart. I know some of 
 them who do it. It simply represents work. 
 
 It isn t in me to make anybody else suffer if I know 
 it because it reflects such venom on me mentally, 
 that I feel as if I would die. 
 
 So you must see that I have to be as square as I am 
 capable of being you know I don t pose God for 
 give me if I even had any " creed," but I simply toss 
 about and do that which seems the kindest to those de 
 pendent on me for happiness, but oh, God, I wonder if 
 I ll ever have any myself. Selfish, isn t it 
 
 Do you know I am too damned impressionable I 
 ache so hard for others and I never could smell a 
 rose hard enough I have to let them absolutely alone 
 and I can t enjoy pretty scenery half as hard as I 
 want to always overdo everything simply burst 
 at a dramatic scene (like Way Down East offers). If 
 they would only leave off the trembly, heartrend 
 ing music in ZaZa I could sit through it a woman 
 saved my life at the Lyric last year. In the most 
 touching scene, she said to her friends behind me, " I 
 guess I ll have fish cakes for supper." 
 
 Listen, dear, I am not going to throw discretion to 
 the four vagrant winds of heaven because it don t 
 get you anything. I don t know what your idea is 
 and neither do you for that matter but I think you 
 will make an effort to please me and I have several lit 
 tle plans to disclose to you. I was obliged to trust 
 Mrs. N who was willing to help me. She will get 
 
O N E M A N 291 
 
 me to Toledo for the day and night but it would be 
 wiser to come back the same night even if I go back 
 the next day, for I hate to have people so dead on to 
 me. She will help me to Indianapolis but it is a risk. 
 I must see you before I make any move if it is possible. 
 Of course, later she will go with me to Chicago for a 
 week and keep out of the way most of the time. But 
 she can t go yet a while and perhaps I can t then. I 
 can get to Toledo by nine in the morning and you can 
 arrange your train accordingly. You probably know 
 how to make arrangements in that town, damn you! 
 
 Will you do that, dear? Say Monday or Tuesday 
 that will give you plenty of time and then you can 
 come on over here for a while, can t you? At least, 
 help your relative plan her future. 
 
 Oh, dearie, what a mess I have made of everything. 
 Do you know I am sorry if you gave up a good time 
 New Year s Eve on account of love for me. I want 
 you to have a good time it s all we have left. It 
 would be my way if I had any. 
 
 All I see, dear, is a black cloud and I am afraid 
 that s all. I am not mopey about it only philosoph 
 ical another sweet trait of mine. 
 
 Go ahead and enjoy yourself only don t lose your 
 head. There is only one thing I would ask of you, 
 only it s not my privilege it would only be my wish 
 at best under the circumstances. 
 
 You have a much too exalted opinion of me. There 
 is nothing to justify your worshipful moods. Do you 
 know I believe Omar Khayyam is right literally 
 
ONE MAN 
 
 you may put fantastic interpretations forth on the 
 Rubaiyat, but the eye he had to the grape solved 
 many a rainy day puzzle for Omar. " I wonder what 
 it is the vintners buy one half so precious as the 
 goods they sell." 
 
 Didn t I see hate sticking out of every line you wrote 
 to hubby. You mustn t feel that way you won t 
 when you have talked " unstewed " to me. 
 
 I was disappointed Sunday but knew intuitively you 
 wouldn t show up felt that you would carry out your 
 usual New Year s plans. 
 
 Do you remember that trip you took up the lakes 
 with that girl? Ah, son, and all those things have 
 changed!!! You see I am, maybe, jealous. 
 
 The world looks like another place to me I feel as 
 though I had been asleep and had just come to and am 
 still stunned to find such a situation before me. I 
 firmly believe everything is for the best though. 
 
 You are wondering how much I care please come 
 over Monday and find out. I simply can t give you 
 up now and seem to be tied till I can have a talk 
 with you. 
 
 I know Toledo doesn t offer much of an attraction 
 but it s the best I can do now and will serve if you can 
 then come on over to Cleveland. You will let me know 
 of course. 
 
 Perhaps you see possibilities in my vaudeville ven 
 ture by myself but I m too modest to hint at them. 
 It only makes me thoughtful. You may always send 
 me a wire or special here at the house addressed to 
 
O N E M A N 93 
 
 Mrs. N and it will be handed to me unopened. 
 
 Well, dearest, you understand me now I am sure 
 as well as I understand myself. I am mixed up where 
 I don t dare think. 
 
 I hope you turn down the Chicago girl. I ll bet she 
 isn t in our " class " anyway I have a perfect con 
 tempt for a " tart." 
 
 A woman has got to be pretty classy to put it over 
 right. My idea would be a woman possessed of all 
 the component parts of a " peach " to begin with, be 
 sides which I should want her well dressed with a 
 diamond or two, entertaining well raised brainy 
 witty (I should say talented) and above all good 
 humored, but then I am dealing with " kept " women, 
 I am afraid. They are always trying to cover up 
 " papa s money " and " mamma s reception gowns " in 
 a loud voice while the good pal " tart " (I hope I 
 don t offend) is inclined to tell you what she " seen " 
 and what she " done " at " Rector s " last night and 
 advances enough small chatter to shame Reed & Kel- 
 log s First Reader out of the public schools. 
 
 Thank God I can discriminate if I do have to work 
 out my own salvation. It s something to be able to ap 
 preciate the general mechanism of everything. I m a 
 good observer and I find " where ignorance is bliss it s 
 foolish to be a fox." In a minute I ll be lecturing on 
 the threadbare East Side. 
 
 I am just writing at random as you can see I hope 
 to be my natural self soon poke your finger at 
 me and I ll cry. 
 
294 O N E M A N 
 
 Oh, Bobby, it will be all right when I see you I am 
 sure. Do you care enough to make the trip over? 
 It s nice to feel that you really care but all I offer 
 is such a wreck of principles still a new love is yours 
 new to me I still believe it was meant to be. 
 
 Let me hear from you " Special " or wire as soon as 
 you get this. 
 
 With all my love, good night, dear. 
 
 TULIPS. 
 
 After reading this long letter over several times I 
 wrote her that I could not come until the following 
 week, when I would have to be in Cleveland for a day 
 and night only. Right down in my heart I felt that I 
 ought not to see her again, but her letter fascinated 
 me and I determined to go and see her again. 
 
 A day or so later I received this letter from her : 
 
 My dearest: 
 
 Your dear letter just came. Be flattered when I tell 
 you I made three trips over to the postoffice for it but 
 I knew it would be there which is proof of my trust in 
 you. As a rule I am dubious but I believe you when 
 you say business detained you because what the hell is 
 the use in " spinning them " to me ? 
 
 I have only a few minutes to write to you. Unfor 
 tunately hubby s hours have been changed works 
 
 from twelve till two and five till seven. Mrs. N 
 
 and I will fix it for the day and evening by sending her 
 and a friend to the theatre meeting them afterwards. 
 
O N E M A N 295 
 
 I owe Mrs. N a treat anyway for she would go 
 
 through hell for me, cooks my breakfast herself every 
 morning she is one good friend. If I have to live 
 cheaply it s good to be with her. Always my luck to 
 have some one dumbly worship me and I never can repay 
 them. 
 
 Dear boy, I m at my wits end to know just what to 
 do. It s easy to say it, but following the dictates of 
 one s heart sometimes ends in misery but I am doing 
 what I think is best. I m " breaking away " and le 
 gitimately. Mr. E is going to give me four weeks- 
 over the time and then put me over the Western 
 
 time which is two shows a day and takes me to the 
 Coast. I won t go into detail but you can guess why 
 I am pushing the vaudeville through. It will take me 
 away. Of course, I could sit and play pictures for 
 six hours at a stretch but that isn t my ideal of happi 
 ness. If I must take care of myself, I am going to do 
 it without drudgery. 
 
 Damn a man that wants his wife to earn half. 
 
 Never mind, dear heart, I know what you want to 
 say but we can only talk it over. You will listen to 
 my method of reasoning for I am not looking for 
 trouble but the contrary and it doesn t come in a 
 minute. 
 
 If you knew that every thought of mine belongs to 
 you, " cousin mine " and that my real love goes out 
 to you only you will be satisfied to let me go on with 
 what I have planned it gets me away and may mean 
 a certain amount of success. 
 
296 ONE M A N 
 
 This idea of the stage being corrupt is all damned 
 rot, it s just as one makes it. Personally I am just as 
 safe there as anywhere else. I have lots of friends in 
 the business and should attend strictly to my own af 
 fairs. It doesn t all glitter and the odor of the Swans 
 Down powder and No. 18 rouge together with hair oil 
 whiskey and " seen " it and " done " it and snatches of 
 how " they kicked em off the chairs in Oshkosh," etc., 
 don t turn my head. When your eyes have been opened 
 and your own heart is gone there is no need to worry. 
 I flatter myself I am on to the world, which is round like 
 an orange and flat at the poles. 
 
 I love you, dear boy, remember it always. 
 
 I find myself drinking hot whiskies for my cold (?). 
 They don t banish memory, however. They say heaven 
 and hell are right here with us somewhere between the 
 gullet and the pit of the stomach. The heaven of it is 
 in imbibing the hair oil cocktail to the " forgetful 
 stage " and the hell of it is the penalty we pay for the 
 heaven indulged in. 
 
 I hope you show up soon and come to Cleveland. 
 Toledo is out of the question now under the changed 
 conditions. 
 
 Must stop now and post this. Hoping to see your 
 dear self by Wednesday, believe me, 
 
 Always, 
 
 Your TULIPS. 
 
 During the next few days I was very busy on con 
 tracts and did not go near Bess or even let her know 
 
O N E M A N 297 
 
 I was back in the city. I wrote Tulips saying I could 
 not get away for two weeks and that I was laid up with 
 a cold. On the eighteenth I received this letter from 
 her, written in pencil: 
 
 Dear Robbie: 
 
 Am waiting for a taxi to take me to the train, going 
 into New York. Hubby is playing vaudeville again. 
 They wired for him and he went Thursday. He is 
 booked for the season. 
 
 Will be there Saturday. Terribly sorry not to have 
 seen you again. Understand you couldn t pull away 
 from your business. 
 
 Sorry you were laid up. If I were not your own 
 adorable relative, I might ask who is she. But I 
 am the relative. 
 
 Besides didn t I get touched for all I had over at 
 
 the H last night. Threw whiskey at the waiter, 
 
 then slapped his face. 
 
 I do hope you will come on East. Please write to 
 me for you know, dear, how fond I am of you and it 
 hurts me to feel you don t take the same interest in me 
 perhaps. Write me, New York, Gen l Del., till I 
 make other arrangements. 
 
 Tell me were you legitimately ill? If you were I 
 am sorry v of course please don t forget me so ut 
 terly I can t you. Didn t I write you a letter over 
 at the H last night and mail it under the table ? 
 
 I do such dippy things. Do you really want to see 
 me again? 
 
ONE MAN 
 
 I hope your business is a success and I also hope 
 to do well enough with my songs to get over the star 
 vation stage. Will have to have some pictures made 
 and will send one if you care for it. 
 
 Is there some other woman, Bobbie? 
 
 Must stop now you might drop me a line so I 
 will get it Monday. 
 
 Bye, bye and " God will take care of you, Bill." 
 
 Pardon pencil, I am all packed up. Just a line to 
 Gen l Del., dear. 
 
 Always, 
 
 TUIJPS. 
 
 With this letter she enclosed a wire from her husband 
 telling her to come East at once. 
 
 I wrote to her care of General Delivery, New York, 
 and received a short little note in reply promising to 
 write again in a few days and asking me to write to her 
 and to enclose my letters in an envelope addressed to 
 one of her married friends. A few days later I wrote 
 as she requested telling her I would be at the Waldorf 
 about the tenth. 
 
 A few days later while I was at the factory in Cleve 
 land the secretary called me into his private office. 
 " Robert," he said, " have you any enemies here in the 
 city ? " I was greatly surprised at his question, but 
 told him that I had several that I knew of. Then he 
 went on to tell me that some one had been bringing 
 stories to him and he also said that one person in par 
 ticular claimed that I had done things in Cleveland 
 
ONE MAN 299 
 
 which should cause me to hang my head in shame for 
 the rest of my life. I told the secretary that my 
 trouble with my wife was probably back of these re 
 marks, which were no doubt made by some of her friends. 
 I also said that I had acted as I thought right in that 
 matter and did not believe that any one could truth 
 fully say anything detrimental to me. This pleased 
 him and he told me that he, of course, had not believed 
 the stories, but in my own heart I knew that some 
 one had said something about my relations with 
 Nadine. 
 
 While in Cleveland I received this letter from Tulips : 
 
 My dear boy: 
 
 Do you really believe you are coming over soon. I 
 have been out of town and had planned to go up to the 
 mountains with a lady after hubby leaves the city but 
 won t now as long as there are prospects of seeing you 
 soon. I don t seem able to write a real letter any more 
 because I never know where you are and have been 
 thinking I d have a talk all this time. 
 
 This old world is such a weary place and perplexing 
 to live in. Everything is up hill so what s the use? 
 I d simply love to have a farm and raise chickens. 
 That quiet life by the sea with a grand piano and a 
 bathing suit! A hill goes up and a pill goes down; 
 likewise the barometer of ambitious geniuses. 
 
 Oh, well, I am cheerful and my new song is in all the 
 Broadway windows. Besides don t I get enough to 
 eat if I do have to cook it myself and there is 
 
300 O N E M A N 
 
 still a lot of pure, fresh air outside of theatrical 
 managers offices and didn t a cab driver yell, " Hello, 
 kiddo," at me the other day ! 
 
 I am getting my summer clothes at cost providing 
 I come across with the cost at least so you see I 
 won t have many troubles to tell you after all. 
 
 Far be it from me to ask you any more to move 
 along. It cheapens a woman to appear to be running 
 after a man they say. 
 
 Well, twilight sneaks up yonder hill and incidentally 
 through Central Park West so I ll stop while there is 
 still purple light enough to sign my name. Are you 
 true and still hopeful? 
 
 TULIPS. 
 
 Early in February, I wrote a note to Bess asking her 
 how she was getting along. I received a nice letter 
 from her saying that she had broken her engagement 
 and was engaged to another young man whom I had 
 met. It seems that the first one had turned out to be 
 a rascal after all and personally I knew the second one 
 to be no better. I felt sorry for her, but wrote her a 
 letter wishing her luck. 
 
 I was delayed in starting on my Eastern trip and re 
 ceived the following from Tulips : 
 
 My dear: 
 
 Just returned from Trenton. Called up the Wal 
 dorf and learned you were to be here this coming week. 
 
 Will phone down Monday and Tuesday if I don t 
 
ONE MAN 301 
 
 hear from you that your plans have changed. Hubby 
 is playing here for one more week. 
 
 No vaudeville for mine alone. I tried it! 
 Hoping to see you soon, 
 
 Always, 
 
 TULIPS. 
 
CHAPTER XXXIX 
 
 I ARRIVED in New York the following Friday 
 morning and was so busy all day that I neg 
 lected to let Tulips know of my arrival. 
 
 About seven thirty in the evening I sent a messenger 
 boy with a note to her, but he returned with the infor 
 mation that she had gone out for the evening, so I 
 wrote her a note that night and mailed it, knowing 
 she would receive Jt the following morning. 
 
 At four o clock the next day she called me up and 
 after telling me how glad she was to hear my voice she 
 made an engagement to meet me at six thirty at Times 
 Square. She was there on time and after our greet 
 ings were over we went to the Cafe de 1 Opera for 
 dinner. 
 
 During the meal we both drank considerable and 
 when we came out on the street, decided to walk around 
 a little. After an hour spent in walking up and down 
 Broadway, we went to Murray s, where we sat and 
 visited until eleven o clock. 
 
 From there we went to a flat owned by a woman 
 friend of mine on West Fifty-fifth Street. She had a 
 beautifully furnished little apartment and Tulips 
 played over several of her songs for me on the baby 
 
 grand piano. 
 
 SOi 
 
N E M A N 303 
 
 We did not go home until one o clock and when I 
 helped her out of the taxi at One Hundred and Eighth 
 Street she was anything but sober. After watching 
 her until she arrived safely at her door, I jumped into 
 the taxi and went back down town. 
 
 The next morning I received instructions to go to 
 Boston that day and just as I was packing, Tulips 
 called me up. I told her I was going to Boston at 
 noon and would return on the Knickerbocker the next 
 afternoon and asked her to meet me at the Waldorf at 
 seven. She agreed to this, saying hubby was going to 
 Washington that night and she would be free to stay 
 out as late ,as she wanted to on my return. 
 
 She was waiting for me the next evening and after 
 dinner we again went to the flat, where Tulips played 
 and sang for me until nearly eleven. 
 
 We had several bottles of wine during the evening 
 and about one o clock Tulips suddenly dropped to the 
 floor. I was considerably frightened, believing she 
 was dead. I called my friend and after we had lifted 
 Tulips into a chair she said that there was nothing seri 
 ous wrong with her; she was simply drunk. 
 
 I carried her into a bedroom and laid her on the bed. 
 The woman then undressed her and after wrapping her 
 in blankets, opened the windows and turned out the 
 lights, saying the fresh air would soon sober her. It 
 was a bitter cold night and I can remember going into 
 the room several times during the next hour to see how 
 she was getting along. She lay there so white and 
 still that it took a great deal of persuasion on the part 
 
304 O N E M A N 
 
 of my friend to convince me that there was not some 
 thing seriously wrong with her. About two thirty, 
 she woke up and called me. I found her much 
 better. 
 
 We did not leave until four in the morning and she 
 was a pale, sick-looking girl when I took her home. 
 
 But that evening we went out again, although this 
 time I was careful not to allow her to drink so much. 
 
 The next evening I was tired out from the loss of 
 sleep and left word at the desk not to call me on the 
 phone. Tulips could sleep all day, while I had busi 
 ness to attend to and anyway I was getting ashamed of 
 myself. 
 
 Through some error in the office they rang my phone 
 about eleven o clock and, answering, I recognized Tu 
 lips voice. She wanted me to come up to a friend s 
 house on Eighty-sixth Street, where they were having 
 a party. From the way she talked I knew she had had 
 several drinks. She informed me that she was at that 
 moment in a saloon where she had just purchased a bot 
 tle of vermouth for the party. 
 
 I told her it was too late for me to come up as I had 
 already retired. I asked her why she had not called 
 me earlier and she answered that she had called me 
 several times and had been told upon each occasion 
 that I was out. I told her that business had detained 
 me all evening and that I was too tired to come out 
 again that night. I offered to send a taxi to take her 
 home, but she was angry and told me that if I did not 
 come after her, I would never see her again. We 
 
 
ONE MAN 305 
 
 talked a few minutes longer and finally she slammed up 
 the receiver. 
 
 That night, even though I was dead tired, I could 
 not sleep. I smoked innumerable cigarettes and at 
 about three o clock I got up to get a drink. As I 
 walked across the room, I staggered and would have 
 fallen had I not caught hold of the chair. I felt dizzy 
 and my head ached terribly. The cigarettes I had 
 smoked during the evening had not given me the satis 
 faction they usually did and somehow I realized tnat 
 at last they were " getting me." For several months. 
 I had been smoking on an average of thirty a day, but 
 was not getting the pleasure out of them that I had 
 formerly experienced. Worrying over this kept me 
 awake until daylight. 
 
 My work in New York being completed, I decided to 
 return that afternoon to Cleveland. 
 
 I stopped in at a florist s and ordered a big basket 
 of tulips sent to my cousin s address. 
 
 When my train pulled out I sat in my section in any 
 thing but a happy frame of mind. I had called up the 
 hotel before getting on the train and had been told that 
 no one had called me up since I had left. Somehow I 
 had expected Tulips to call up and say she was sorry 
 for her actions of the night before. 
 
 It was a bleak, gloomy afternoon, with alternating 
 flurries of rain and snow, which at times almost hid the 
 view of the Palisades across the river. Somehow T 
 knew intuitively that some change was taking place in 
 my life. 
 
306 N E M A N 
 
 I wrote a short note to Tulips and mailed it at Al 
 bany. 
 
 At the factory in Cleveland the next afternoon, the 
 secretary again called me into his office. He invited 
 me to be seated and then suggested that I hand in my 
 resignation. Before I could say anything, he went on 
 to state that unpleasant stories concerning me had 
 been circulating through the office and around in cer 
 tain business circles and he thought the best thing I 
 could do would be to resign quietly. 
 
 Then I knew that further retribution had overtaken 
 me. I made no denials to him and said not a word, 
 but stepping to the door I called in a stenographer 
 and dictated my resignation. After signing this I took 
 it in to the old white-haired president and laid it on his 
 desk. After looking it over he said, " My boy, I am 
 sorry to have you do this, but I suppose it can t be 
 helped." He shook hands with me and then told me to 
 go to the cashier, who would give me my settlement. 
 
 The cashier gave me a settlement receipt to sign 
 and after looking it over and signing it, I shoved it 
 through the window to him. He pushed out two checks, 
 one for the amount due and another one for a thou 
 sand dollars. To this latter one was pinned a slip of 
 paper upon which was written in the shaky handwrit 
 ing of the old president, " In appreciation of your 
 faithful work," and signed with only his initials. 
 
 My eyes filled with tears as I stumbled out of the of 
 fice without saying good-bye to any one. 
 
 Up in my room at the hotel that afternoon, I su- 
 
N E M A N 307 
 
 fered the tortures of the damned. This was the first 
 and only time in my life when I had been discharged 
 from a position. It hurt me terribly when I realized 
 how hard I had worked for nothing after all. 
 
 I did not worry so much regarding a new position, 
 as I had had many offers from other concerns. 
 
 That night I left for Chicago, having decided to rest 
 a few days before taking up any new work. 
 
 The following was forwarded to me from the Waldorf 
 a few days later and had been written the day I left 
 New York: 
 
 My dear Robbie: 
 
 I am certainly a rotter and so are you. Sorry I 
 was so ugly over the phone booze. 
 
 Don t blame you for not wanting to see me. Did 
 not get in till four this morning and have been in bed 
 all day am simply all in. 
 
 The flowers were lovely, both as flowers and a peace 
 offering my rotten life needs a dash or two of fresh 
 ness in it now and then. They sort of make me feel 
 that there may be a God after all. He has certainly 
 turned me over to the Devil s care lately. 
 
 I ll call you up in the morning if you are not 
 there, I can call again. 
 
 Thanks again for the flowers. 
 
 Always, 
 
 TULIPS. 
 
 After I had been in Chicago a few days I wrote Tu- 
 
308 O N E M A N 
 
 lips telling Her I was going West for a month and 
 would let her know when I returned. 
 
 And thus another love went smash. I was about 
 through, but did not know it then. 
 
 When I began to inquire regarding openings with 
 different firms in my line, I was surprised to find there 
 were none. My first Chicago employer even came to 
 the hotel to see me and though I had long ago satisfied 
 him that I had not betrayed his interests at the time 
 I left him so suddenly, yet he finally decided that he 
 could not use me. I wrote to a few Eastern firms and 
 while they replied promptly, they all stated that they 
 had no opening for me at that time but would place 
 my application on file. 
 
 At last a friend of mine told me that my old com 
 petitors among the trade had passed around some 
 story about me and I knew then that I would have to 
 change my line of work if I ever expected to earn a big 
 income again. I was offered several positions, but 
 they did not pay as much as my last one had and I re 
 fused them. 
 
 I had plenty of money and a lot of faith that I 
 would yet land something. 
 
 My evenings were very lonely and I suddenly made 
 up my mind to see Bess. I called her up and she ac 
 cepted an invitation to take dinner with me that even 
 ing. 
 
CHAPTER XL 
 
 AT dinner she forgave me for not writing to 
 her and said something about not being able 
 to help caring for me no matter what I did. 
 
 She showed me the solitaire which her fiance had 
 given her and when I spoke about him, she said she did 
 not think she cared as much for him as she had when 
 he asked her to marry him, and that he did not treat 
 her with entire respect. I said nothing more to her 
 about him. 
 
 We had several drinks with our dinner and spent the 
 evening in our old room at the Wabash Avenue hotel. 
 
 I could only see her three times a week as her fiance 
 called the other four nights. We had to be careful in 
 getting away from her boarding house, as he lived 
 only a block away. I would call for her at a certain 
 hour, in a taxi, she would be waiting inside the house, 
 watching for me, and as soon as I arrived she would 
 run out and jump into the car and away we would go. 
 
 One Wednesday evening I took her to the theatre 
 and when I left her at her door, she promised to call me 
 up at seven the next evening. I waited until eight 
 o clock and not having heard from her, called her up. 
 When she came to the phone I asked her what was 
 wrong. She said that her fiance had learned of our 
 being at the theatre and had just been up to see her. 
 
310 ONE MAN 
 
 He was almost wild with anger and jealousy and had 
 shown her a big revolver and threatened to kill me. 
 
 I laughed when she told me this and advised her 
 not to be afraid of what he might do to me as I was 
 more than able to take care of myself, but she was 
 afraid and told me that I must not come over that 
 night, that he might be watching for me. I did not 
 want to worry her so I asked her to call me up the next 
 evening early and she promised to do so. 
 
 The next evening I waited until eight thirty before 
 calling her up and when she answered the phone I 
 could tell by the sound of her voice that she had been 
 crying and when I asked why she had not called me 
 she simply said that she could not. I asked her why 
 she had been crying and she answered, " On account of 
 you, Bobbie." She would give me no further explana 
 tion and when I said I was coming right over, replied 
 that she could not see me. Then I asked her about 
 seeing her the next evening and she said that she could 
 not see me then. 
 
 Upon hearing her say this, my heart began to sink. 
 I stood there holding the receiver to my ear and I could 
 hear her sobbing. Then I said, " Bess, does that mean 
 you never expect to see me again ? " and she replied 
 with a sob, " Bobbie, I guess that s what it means. 
 We can t go on this way, we are only sinking deeper 
 each day." 
 
 Never since I had met her had I ever loved her so 
 much as I did at that moment. The realization that 
 she too had found me out for what I was, stunned me. 
 
ONE MAN 311 
 
 I could still hear her sobbing, but I was so dazed and 
 heartbroken that I could not talk and I softly hung 
 up the receiver. 
 
 Throwing myself face downward across my bed, I 
 cried as I had not cried since my childhood days. 
 Within the next few minutes it seemed as if every sin 
 ful act that I had ever committed, flashed before me as 
 if upon a screen and I saw myself at last just as I was, 
 a rotten, miserable failure as a man, absolutely worth 
 less to God, to my folks, to the world and to myself. 
 
 Getting down on my knees beside the bed, I told God 
 I was through with the old life and would be a man and 
 when I arose I knew He had heard me. 
 
 I went to the phone and called up Bess. When she 
 answered she was still crying and could hardly speak 
 distinctly. I told her I was sorry for having hung up 
 the receiver as I had done, but that I had been so 
 stunned at what she had said I could not speak. Then 
 she told me that she was just going to call me up as 
 her phone rang and that she was glad I had called her 
 as it proved that I really cared after all. Then I told 
 her that what she had said about our relations was true 
 and that I saw it in its true light at last and then, after 
 telling her I would write to her that evening, I said 
 good-bye. 
 
 In my letter to her I thanked her for opening my 
 eyes and told her she had accomplished far more than 
 she knew when she had decided to give me up. I closed 
 my letter to her with a " God bless you, Bess," that 
 came straight from my heart. 
 
CHAPTER XLI 
 
 THE next morning I was sitting in the Hotel 
 lobby and the feeling of utter loneliness that 
 came over me was such that I was afraid the 
 other guests sitting near me would notice it and I went 
 upstairs to my room. There I sat down and tried to 
 figure out what I should do. It seemed that morning 
 as if I were a stranger in Chicago without a friend or 
 even an acquaintance. 
 
 At last my thoughts turned toward home and I de 
 cided to wire my father, asking him if I could come home 
 for a few days rest. I received his answer promptly, 
 telling me to come on home immediately. That night 
 I took the train in response to his invitation. 
 
 For a week after my homecoming I did nothing but 
 rest. A great deal of my time was spent with my lit 
 tle sister. I told Father that I had had a dispute with 
 my employer and was going to wait and see what they 
 would do. After a week s rest I began to write letters 
 to different manufacturers and jobbers in my old line 
 of work and during the following two weeks the answers 
 drifted in slowly, but all contained the same informa 
 tion, " No opening." One letter only held out any 
 hope at all and I laid that aside, figuring on returning 
 
 to Chicago a little later. 
 
 312 
 
O N E M A N 313 
 
 During the latter part of my stay at home I invested 
 a thousand dollars in a " get-rich-quick " concern and 
 saw it wiped out completely in two weeks. This left 
 me with just a hundred and fifty dollars to my name 
 and for the first time in years real fear for my business 
 future entered my mind. I shall never forget that ter 
 rible feeling that came over me when I began to won 
 der what I should do to even earn a living. I was pay 
 ing ten dollars a week board at home and the folks 
 were always glad to take it. I was too proud to let 
 them know that I was running short of money. 
 
 I think the lesson that was driven into me so quietly 
 and severely those beautiful spring days was one of the 
 best things that ever happened to me. To have it 
 brought home to me so clearly that my very existence 
 hung on such slender threads made me realize that I 
 had wasted a thousand opportunities which might 
 never come to me again. And I felt that finding a new 
 position was going to mean a long search and in all 
 probability I would have to begin again at the very 
 bottom of the ladder. I could not refer to any of my 
 last employers for references. My recent associates in 
 business evidently were fighting shy of me and where 
 was I to turn? It was at this time in my life that I 
 learned finally the real value of a good reputation and 
 I slowly made up my mind to go out into the world 
 again and get one and keep it. Somehow when I made 
 up my mind to do this my courage came back to me. 
 Thank God, I had faith in my ability to do good work 
 at least, and I determined to make good. 
 
314 O N E M A N 
 
 Leaving home with just an even hundred dollars 1 
 came to Chicago and started on a quiet hunt for em 
 ployment. I had with me the one letter that had of 
 fered any hope and I went to see the people. 
 
 They had lost several good contracts to me during 
 the preceding year and from the way they welcomed 
 me, they evidently respected my ability, but I could see 
 that they had also heard some story regarding me. 
 
 I was anxious to get employment and I guess they 
 caught on, because they would not make me any offer 
 immediately. I looked over the institution and saw a 
 hundred places where improvements could be made. I 
 decided to get a position there if I had to work for 
 fifty dollars a month. I knew I could take my coat 
 off, pitch in and work hard and the results would come. 
 I did not worry as to what the future with them would 
 be. I have always found that when a man delivers the 
 goods he is paid accordingly. 
 
 So I finally went to the head of the firm and told him 
 frankly that I would like to work for them and was 
 willing to start in for anything reasonable. He asked 
 me what I considered reasonable and I hesitated over 
 naming the amount. I was going to say a hundred and 
 fifty a month for three months or until they could see 
 results, but once more and for the last time in my life 
 that terrible fear for my future entered my mind and 
 I finally offered to work for eighty-five dollars a month 
 until I could show them what I was capable of doing. 
 
 I remember to this day the flood of shame and regret 
 that seemed to surge over me the moment I had named 
 
ONE MAN 315 
 
 my price. There I stood, past thirty years of age and 
 begging for an eighty-five-dollar job. I think that in 
 that moment a new kind of pride was born within me, 
 for I swore to myself then and there in that instant 
 that never again would I get myself into such a posi 
 tion. 
 
 The firm s head looked at me a few moments and I 
 think to this day that I dropped about a mile in his 
 estimation, but he only smiled rather faintly and said, 
 " You can start in as soon as you wish." I went out 
 to the department where I was to work and told the 
 manager that I had been engaged. He seemed pleased 
 over it and wanted me to start in at once. But it be 
 ing a Wednesday, I suggested that I begin work on the 
 Monday following and he agreed. I wanted a little 
 rest, now that I had found a position. 
 
 On the way back to the hotel, I bought a morning 
 paper and up in my room, following an old established 
 habit, I looked over the Help Wanted Ads. One ad 
 caught my attention at once and I read it over and 
 over. To this day I don t know what made me answer 
 it, but something just seemed to tell me to do it and 
 I did. It was cleverly worded and called for men capa 
 ble of earning at least a hundred dollars a week. 
 
 My shame over that eighty-five-dollar position was 
 still with me and I realized only too well that I would 
 have to take a cheap room somewhere and live on thirty- 
 cent meals for a long time before I could get on my feet 
 again. And oh ! how I hated to give up a good income 
 and go back among the plodders. To have to give up 
 
316 ONE M A N 
 
 my only source of pride, that of being able to earn a 
 big income, took away a lot of my grit and courage and 
 brought the old skeleton out of the closet. 
 
 And into my answer to that ad I put the best there 
 was in me. On Friday morning came a reply giving me 
 an appointment with the president of the concern at 
 two o clock on Saturday. Their letterhead showed me 
 that it was a business concerning which I knew abso 
 lutely nothing. I did not feel very much encouraged 
 over the outlook and finally decided to keep the position 
 I already had, so that afternoon and Saturday morning 
 I went searching for a room without finding one. My 
 money was running out and I was greatly worried. 
 
 Saturday afternoon I was just leaving the hotel to 
 look up some advertised rooms when I happened to 
 think of my appointment. At first I decided to pass it 
 up, but when I had walked over to Wabash Avenue I 
 decided to go and see him anyway. I think that God 
 guided my footsteps in that moment. 
 
 When I reached their offices I had to wait quite a 
 while before the president could see me. My curiosity 
 was slowly aroused at the many signs of prosperity 
 which surrounded me and at the sight of the prosperous- 
 looking men who passed my seat. Everybody seemed 
 to be a live wire and when it came time for my inter 
 view I was keyed up to my old-time energy. 
 
 After a short interview with the president, upon whom 
 I evidently had made a favorable impression, he took 
 me to the manager and asked him to talk with me. 
 
 This manager was a big, fleshy man and a live wire 
 
ONE MAN 317 
 
 if there ever was one. The only things I did not like 
 about him were his eyes, which were small, and his 
 mouth, which was sensual looking. But there 
 was something sincere and winning about him and I 
 listened closely to his explanation of the work. As he 
 progressed with this explanation, I became more and 
 more interested, and when he had asked me several 
 questions about myself, I looked him square in the eyes 
 and asked, " Do you believe that I, with my entire lack 
 of experience in this line, can make good at it? " He 
 
 came right back at me with, " Mr. , if I did not 
 
 know right now that you can and will make more money 
 at this work than you ever made before in your whole 
 life, I wouldn t waste a damn minute with you." That 
 remark of his gave me more courage and I told him 
 that if he would give me a couple of their booklets I 
 would study the proposition over that afternoon and let 
 him know. He was standing in front of me holding a 
 contract in his hand as I said this and I can remember 
 the expression of disappointment that came over his 
 face as I made the remark. He hesitated just a mo 
 ment and then said, " All right. Do that, and just 
 remember that I have faith enough in you to spend 
 good money in training you and what is more, I ll guar 
 antee you fifty dollars a week and expenses for your 
 first month ; let me know this afternoon." 
 
 So I went straight to the hotel and taking the two 
 booklets I read them over and over and then I walked 
 the floor back and forth from the windows to the door, 
 time and time again, analyzing the proposition, turn- 
 
318 ONE MAN 
 
 ing it over and over in my mind and finally I got down 
 on my knees beside the bed and asked God to help me 
 decide. Then I sat in a chair at my window going 
 over all my past life again and at last I decided to 
 make the venture. It took nerve to make the decision 
 as there was only one other place open to me and if I 
 did not show up there Monday morning, I would lose 
 that opening. I chose the harder way but my mind 
 was clear, it was not filled with any sensual, vicious 
 thought that could weaken my judgment. 
 
 When I looked at my watch I found it was seven 
 o clock and then I realized that I had not kept my word 
 with the manager. I was nearly frantic. I wanted 
 that position now and what if he was disgusted with me 
 and wouldn t have me? Right then and there I learned 
 another lesson, to always keep my appointments 
 promptly. It has made me money since that day and 
 helped rebuild the lost reputation. 
 
 I was half an hour trying to decide what to do. I 
 could not find the manager s name in the telephone 
 book. I even went back over my conversation with the 
 manager to see if he had at any point therein said any 
 thing about where he lived. Finally I decided to risk 
 the anger of the president by calling him up at his 
 home to ask where I could find the manager. I did so 
 and he was very pleasant about it and after saying with 
 a laugh that he did not want to lose a man of my type, 
 he gave me the manager s phone number. I immedi 
 ately called him up and while he was rather cool at 
 first, when I told him in an offhand way that I would 
 
ONE MAN 319 
 
 be at the office Monday to sign that contract, he warmed 
 up at once and told me he would be waiting for me. I 
 slept that night as I had not slept for weeks. 
 
 Sunday I went over those booklets again and again 
 until I knew the proposition by heart and again Sun 
 day night I slept soundly. 
 
 You may wonder that I did not call up Bess, but my 
 lesson of the preceding few weeks had been such that it 
 had driven all such thoughts out of my mind. I did not 
 touch a cigarette or a drop of liquor for I knew some 
 how that to do so would affect my mental condition 
 and I needed every bit of ability that I had to carry 
 me through my present undertaking. 
 
 The possible disaster which threatened my pocket- 
 book, my future and even my very existence, loomed up 
 so plainly before me that I was sick of the things which 
 had brought me to my present condition. For the time 
 being the Beast within me was quiet. I had come at 
 last to look upon my sensuality as the Beast. 
 
CHAPTER XLII 
 
 ON Monday morning I was at the office bright 
 and early. The contract was signed and I 
 was given my first instructions. That day 
 and all the rest of that week I worked harder than I 
 had ever worked in my whole life. And as my knowl 
 edge of the new work increased, my enthusiasm grew 
 and at the end of the week I was pronounced fit for 
 duty and sent West via my old home. 
 
 When Father heard of my new work, he just grunted. 
 Mother was enthusiastic, for she thought I was going 
 to make some money. 
 
 I shall never forget that first week s work out in Da 
 kota, nor shall I ever forget the first order and the joy 
 that was mine when I knew I had made good. 
 
 The check for the first week s work read just $233.50 
 and months afterward I obtained the cancelled check 
 and had it framed. 
 
 The letters of praise and encouragement which I re 
 ceived from the office helped me a lot and I did my best. 
 
 Day after day I drove through the fields of growing 
 grain, back and forth across the State, working each 
 day as long as the daylight lasted. And I made money 
 and a lot of it and I saved it. 
 
 The last of June, I received a letter from Bess. It 
 
 320 
 
ONE MAN 321 
 
 came like a bolt out of a clear sky. She asked me why 
 I did not write to her and reminded me that July 3 
 was one of our " anniversaries." She asked me if I 
 was going to be in Chicago on that day so I could be 
 \vith her. 
 
 This letter had a queer effect upon me. For weeks I 
 had not touched cigarettes or liquor nor had I given 
 any woman a thought. My mind was entirely wrapped 
 up in my work. So bitter had been my lesson and so 
 enthusiastic was I over my successful venture that there 
 didn t seem to be any question of a choice for me as to 
 whether I should attend to business or raise hell. 
 
 But her letter acted as a drag on me. I couldn t do 
 good work the day I received it and that night I lay 
 awake for hours. I had saved several hundred dollars 
 and knew that I could afford to go to Chicago and see 
 her. For two days and nights I fought off the call of 
 that little letter, but finally I gave in and took the 
 train for home, where I remained a night and a day. 
 I took my little sister down town and bought her a lot 
 of things, but when I came to kiss her good-bye that 
 night, I suddenly felt guilty and ashamed of my real 
 reason for going to Chicago. I could not sleep that 
 night on the train and when I reached Chicago, I was 
 tired out. I had written Bess that I was coming and 
 that morning I went to the hotel and registered myself 
 and wife. This was at one of the best hotels, some 
 thing I had not been able to do for a good many weeks, 
 but now I had plenty of money with me, 
 
 Bess knew where I was going to stop and called me 
 
N E M A N 
 
 up about ten o clock, saying she was down town. I 
 told her to meet me on a certain corner and she did so. 
 We came back to the hotel together and went to my 
 room. Somehow I did not feel right, I felt as if I was 
 breaking some unwritten or unspoken obligation from 
 the moment I had left my work to come to that room 
 with her. I did not kiss her very passionately and I 
 guess she noticed it. 
 
 Somehow I felt uncomfortable and wished I was back 
 at my work. She didn t look good to me that morning 
 and while I still liked her and all that, yet I did not 
 want to put my arms around her. She had a long story 
 to tell me about her " fiance," and I listened patiently. 
 Somehow she was changed or I thought she was then, 
 but to-day I know it was I who had changed. 
 
 Coming over to where I was, she sat down on my knee 
 and told me she had been a fool when she turned me 
 down a few weeks previous that she had regretted it 
 many times since and was anxious to make up for it now 
 but something kept holding me back, I don t know what 
 it was, and I was blindly seeking some way to avoid 
 going back to the old life. 
 
 She put her arms around my neck and kissed me a 
 good many times and ruffled my hair all up as she used 
 to. As we sat there I suddenly thought of a way out 
 of the trouble. I told her I was going over to the drug 
 store for a moment and handed her the morning paper 
 with the suggestion that she read until I return. I 
 was so afraid she would undress while I was gone. I 
 hurried over to the drug store and told one of the 
 
ONE MAN 323 
 
 clerks, who was a friend of mine, to call me up in ten 
 minutes at the room, saying he was the manager at 
 the office and asking me to come out there immediately. 
 I had notified the office that I would be in Chicago, July 
 5th and, of course, had not told Bess that I was in with 
 out their knowledge. I didn t even want her to know 
 where I worked. 
 
 I hadn t any more than returned to the room when the 
 telephone rang and after answering it, I told Bess I 
 had to meet the manager right away. She acted as if 
 very badly disappointed but I promised to call her up 
 at noon and by hurrying her up, I got her out of the 
 room and on the street in a few moments. Then I 
 took a car and hurried to the office, knowing they would 
 keep me there all day. They gave me a royal welcome 
 and I went to lunch that noon with the president and 
 the manager. 
 
 That evening the manager came to my room at the 
 hotel and I left word at the switch board to tell any 
 one who might call, that I was out. The next morning 
 I took the train for home, riding all day that hot 
 Fourth of July, but I was so glad and happy that I 
 had kept away from the old life. 
 
 After remaining at home two days, I went out to my 
 work. During the next few weeks, there fell into my 
 hands a little book, the reading of which was to be of 
 inestimable value to me during the rest of my life. It 
 was James Allen s "As a Man Thinketh." This 
 little book gave me a world of courage and moral 
 strength and taught me that after all I could make of 
 
N E M A N 
 
 my life yet nearly as great a success as I had once 
 hoped for. 
 
 Early in August, I came home to get some new clothes 
 made. After I had made my purchases, I changed my 
 savings into a thousand-dollar bill and a few of small 
 denomination and that night as I sat at the supper 
 table at home, I took the big bill out of my pocket 
 and laying it on the table in front of Father said, " Do 
 you remember, Father, that grunt with which you fa 
 vored me when I started in with this new work? Well, 
 I have managed to save this and a little more out of it 
 so far. Do you feel like favoring me with a little more 
 encouragement now?" He laughed and said, "Yes, I 
 guess you have come back at last, son." 
 
 I put the thousand dollars in the bank and went 
 back to work. In September the manager asked me to 
 come to Chicago and I did so. My commissions were 
 increased and I was given a contract to train other 
 men, in addition to my regular work. Up to this time, 
 I had saved over eighteen hundred dollars and I had 
 not taken a drink or touched a cigarette for months. 
 
 And then I met Bess face to face on the street one 
 morning. There was no premeditation in the meeting; 
 we just simply happened to run into each other and be 
 fore I knew what I was saying I was asking her over to 
 the hotel. 
 
 She seemed glad to come and we went together to 
 my room. She kissed me after we had shut the door 
 and putting a hand on each of my shoulders said, " Bob 
 bie, I married him, the week after you were here last." 
 
O N E M A N 325 
 
 And I knew from the way she said it, that she was his 
 wife in every sense of the word, so we did not even talk 
 as in the old days. 
 
 I took her out to lunch and then calling a taxicab I 
 took her to within a couple of blocks of her home. On 
 the way out I stopped the car at a florist s and bought 
 her a big bunch of American Beauties. 
 
 She passed out of my life forever that afternoon. 
 I can remember so well the way she looked, standing 
 there on the corner holding that big cluster of roses and 
 waving good-bye, 
 
CHAPTER XLIII 
 
 DURING my trips to Chicago, I had often 
 been asked by the manager and others with 
 whom I dined, to take a drink. I had al 
 ways passed up the invitation with a laugh, saying I 
 was " on the wagon." 
 
 On this trip to Chicago I remained about a week 
 working at the offices part of the day and loafing around 
 the balance of the time. The rich food I was eating 
 while in the city and the heavy, expensive cigars I 
 smoked made me a little lazy and I grew a little care 
 less in my thoughts. 
 
 There were about a hundred girls employed in the 
 office and one noon as I was sitting in one of the recep 
 tion rooms, one of the men who held a very responsible 
 position with the concern, came and sat down beside 
 me. He asked me what I thought of his array of 
 " dolls." I laughed at his remark and he went on to 
 tell me about some of them. This man, it seems, was 
 in the habit of going out on little " tears " in the even 
 ings with some of the girls, and while we sat there he 
 said that when I came to Chicago next time, he would 
 fix up a little party for me. Then he asked me which 
 one of the bunch looked good to me and before I knew 
 
 it, I had named a certain girl in one of the offices. He 
 
 326 
 
ONE MAN 327 
 
 laughed and said that he would get her for me on my 
 next trip and they would show me a real time. 
 
 After he left me I realized what I had been thinking 
 and then I knew that my loafing around and eating the 
 rich food had awakened the Beast again and it was time 
 for me to go back to work. 
 
 The next day I left for the West and went to work 
 with renewed determination. I was heartily ashamed 
 of my thoughts in Chicago. 
 
 During that month and on up to the middle of Octo 
 ber, I trained men in addition to my regular work and 
 made a great deal of money. Finally it became so cold 
 that I asked to be transferred to a Southern district. 
 October 17, I received word to come to Chicago again. 
 
 The morning I arrived, I was very busy with the man 
 ager, deciding upon my future territory. In the after 
 noon I went down town on some other business and re 
 turned to the office about four thirty. 
 
 As I was passing through one of the reception rooms 
 an office boy handed me a note from the man who had 
 spoken of the " dolls " on my previous trip. In his 
 note he asked me to step into his office as soon as pos 
 sible. I was not thinking about the " dolls " and when 
 I stepped into his office, he pushed a button under his 
 desk as he greeted me. He told the office boy who an 
 swered to ask Miss N to step into his office. She 
 
 was the girl I had mentioned as having looked good to 
 me. It all happened so suddenly I did not have time 
 
 to protest and before I could say anything, Miss N 
 
 stepped into the office and closed the door. He intro- 
 
328 O N E M A N 
 
 duced us and said he wanted us to be his guests at din 
 ner that evening. She turned to me as if for an an 
 swer. She was a pretty girl and did not look as if 
 there was anything wrong about her. I was in a posi 
 tion where I could not very well hesitate so I told him 
 we would be glad to accept his invitation. She smiled 
 at me, saying she guessed we would have a good time, 
 and with a parting " Bye, bye," she left the room. 
 
 Then the host-to-be told me that he had spoken to 
 her about me and she had said she would be glad to go 
 with me. He was taking another girl from the office. 
 We were to meet them at a drug store about five blocks 
 from the offices at five thirty so as to get an early 
 " start," as he informed me with a wink. 
 
 To this day I cannot understand why I went that 
 night. Why, after all those months of clean living 
 and hard work, I should deliberately walk into temp 
 tation, is beyond my understanding. I just simply 
 went, not with any intention of raising hell myself, but 
 half expecting to see some one else raise it. The 
 change from the cold little rooms and the poor food in 
 the country hotels up in Dakota, to the comforts of 
 the city life, together with the fact that I had a great 
 deal of money with me and that I was on the following 
 evening leaving for a comfortable Southern territory, 
 made me feel just a little lenient toward myself and 
 that was where I erred. 
 
 At five thirty we met the girls and took them out to 
 a South Side cafe for dinner. Ben, as the girls called 
 him, after ordering a very good dinner, asked us what 
 
N E M A N 329 
 
 we would have to drink. I knew this was coming and 
 feared it, but I said " Nothing for me, just now." Miss 
 
 N looked up at me and said, " Mr. Bob, you are 
 
 not going to be a kill-joy, are you? I can t get out 
 very often, aren t you going to do as I do this one 
 evening? " I hesitated a moment only and the thought 
 came to me, " Well, I ll take something, but I won t 
 drink it." So I told Ben to go ahead and he ordered 
 Cliquot. 
 
 When the wine came and the glasses had been filled, 
 
 Miss N proposed a toast to me and I took a sip 
 
 from my glass. It wasn t much, but it was enough to 
 start the trouble. The one little taste brought back 
 an overwhelming flood of desire for the old hell raising. 
 After my months of abstinence it seemed impossible 
 that I could drop so far in a moment, but drop I did 
 and when Ben offered me a cigarette, I took it. 
 
 The rest of the evening in the cafe is a blur to me, 
 with only a few little incidents plain in my memory. 
 I can remember going up into the balcony to lead the 
 orchestra through a certain popular piece and then I 
 can remember climbing into a taxi with Ben and the two 
 girls and his giving the chauffeur a certain number on 
 Indiana. That was a queer thing about that number, 
 I remembered it distinctly the next morning. 
 
 The cold night air during that ride sobered me up 
 considerable and when I asked Ben where we were go 
 ing he said we were on our way up to a flat. Miss 
 N and the other girl were certainly feeling hilari 
 ous and somehow I was glad we were going to the flat. 
 
330 ONE MAN 
 
 When we reached the place I paid the chauffeur and 
 we went upstairs into the flat where we were given two 
 adjoining rooms and served with cold bottled beer. We 
 sat around in one of the rooms laughing, talking and 
 drinking until Ben picked his girl up in his arms 
 and carried her into the other room and shut the door. 
 
CHAPTER XLIV 
 
 I BELIEVE that when a man reaches the age of 
 thirty his outlook naturally changes, especially 
 a man who has indulged himself as I had done. 
 My six months self-denial had made a change in me. 
 My reading during that time had been of a higher or 
 der. My repentance and my thoughts regarding the 
 old life had built up in addition to this natural steady 
 ing down, something of a new character and with it had 
 come a realization that my body was of value, that 
 after all it was a wonderful thing and should be given 
 some thought and care. To me, at least, had come, un 
 acknowledged until this hour, certain definite changes 
 
 in my attitude toward women. And when Miss N 
 
 came to me and said, " Unfasten my collar, Bob," I 
 suddenly thought to myself, " I don t love this woman ; 
 why should I want her? I may never see her again 
 after to-night. If I take her now, it s nothing but 
 stepping squarely back into the old road and that leads 
 only to one place. I ve been almost there and God ! 
 what a place it was." 
 
 These thoughts and others flashed through my mind 
 in a moment s time. Then came the awakening. It 
 was as if suddenly I saw two beings in myself; my flesh 
 
 cried out for the girl and my mind and soul repelled 
 
 331 
 
O N E M A N 
 
 her. It seemed as if I stood in judgment over them. 
 At the end of a moment, odd though it may seem, I gave 
 the flesh, the Beast, his way in order to prove to the 
 mind and the soul, my better self, once and for all that 
 there was no joy or happiness for me any more in the 
 flesh alone. I unfastened the collar. 
 
 Thank God, I did it ; for in that next hour I proved 
 to my better self that I could never take another woman 
 into my arms unless I loved her for her mind and her 
 soul as well as her body. 
 
 My lesson had been a long one but it was nearly 
 learned. You may smile at my method of proving the 
 mastery of my soul over my body, but, please God, it 
 came out as I thought it would and it killed forever 
 within me the Beast. 
 
CHAPTER XLV 
 
 THE next morning Ben asked me how I came out, 
 but I only smiled at him. 
 That afternoon as I sat on a long wooden 
 seat in one of the halls, a girl whom I had never seen 
 before came to a cabinet near me and commenced look 
 ing for some papers. I was smoking a cigar and it did 
 not taste good somehow so, with a muttered curse, I 
 slammed it across the hall, not thinking about the girl 
 at the cabinet. She looked up and square into my 
 eyes. In an instant I felt ashamed of my action and I 
 said, " Pardon me, I don t feel very good this after 
 noon." She went on with her search but I heard her 
 say very faintly, " Evidently not." 
 
 Just then Ben came out into the hall and saw me 
 looking at the girl. He sat down beside me and after 
 she had gone back into one of the offices I asked him 
 who she was. He told me that she was a new girl and 
 asked me if I " wanted her." It hurt me a little when 
 he said this; I couldn t understand just why at the 
 time. I answered him that he would have a sad, sweet 
 time trying to get her and he laughingly said, " Don t 
 you believe it; a little money properly spent will get 
 most any of these * dolls. They all want a good time. 
 
 Why say, Bob, I ve got sixteen-year-old girls working 
 
 333 
 
334 N E M A N 
 
 here who are only drawing down six dollars a week, yet 
 they wear four-dollar silk socks." 
 
 This wasn t a new story to me, so I let him ramble 
 on with this talk. I was thinking of the grey-eyed girl 
 who had said, " Evidently not." Something about her 
 had made me uncomfortable and restless. She had 
 looked at me in rather a scornful way and I didn t like 
 that. Somehow I wanted her to like me. 
 
 That night I left for the South and went at my work 
 with a vim. I was stronger in my work now that I 
 knew myself better and I felt more hopeful about my 
 future. To know that I had practically killed the 
 worst part of me was an immense help to me. I did not 
 need any further test or proof. I just knew it intui 
 tively. 
 
 About two weeks after I left Chicago I received a 
 letter from the manager, asking me to return at once 
 in order to meet a couple of new men. That same day 
 I received a letter from Ben and in the postscript he 
 said, " Remember the girl in the hall? Well, I got 
 her." 
 
 I was standing in the lobby of the Carroll Hotel at 
 Vicksburg when I read that letter and I can remember 
 to this day how I walked out of the lobby and down to 
 the river to get away from everybody. His words 
 seemed to have brought a flush of shame to my cheeks 
 and I felt as if I had done something terrible. His 
 words hurt me, the new Me. My mind was just filled 
 with a murderous rage against that big, fat brute. Still 
 I asked myself why I should give a damn what he did 
 
N E M A N 335 
 
 to her she wasn t anything to me she didn t even 
 like me. 
 
 During that night s ride in the Pullman I couldn t 
 sleep. I kept seeing that sweet, girlish face as I had 
 seen it that day in the hall. I damned myself up one 
 side and down the other and kept asking myself why I 
 should care what happened to her. 
 
 The next evening in Chicago I called Ben up and told 
 him of my arrival. He came down to the hotel and 
 spent the evening with me. I don t know why, or didn t 
 then, but I was cautious about leading up to an ex 
 planation regarding the girl in the hall. He saved me 
 the trouble by suddenly saying with a laugh, " Bob, 
 do you remember the little dream you fell in love with 
 out there in the hall? Well, I landed her last Friday 
 night, and, believe me, she is some kid. And say, old 
 man, I think I can fix it for you." 
 
 His words and expressions made me actually heart 
 sick and even yet I could not understand why I should 
 care. 
 
 Then he gave me the details of how he had coaxed her 
 out to dinner and persuaded her to drink a lot of wine. 
 While she was drunk, he had taken her up to that 
 same flat. Then he told me she had promised to go out 
 with him again. He had put her on a street car and 
 sent her home alone. 
 
 After his story was finished he looked to me for some 
 words of commendation but I could only muster up a 
 faint smile and suggest we go out for a walk. 
 
 The next noon I came into the hall where some 
 
336 O N E M A N 
 
 of the girls were eating their lunches. She was there 
 and when she saw me she looked down at the little sand 
 wich she was eating. I guess she must have known 
 that I was looking at her, but I don t think she had any 
 idea that I knew about her having been out with Ben. 
 
 That afternoon I was sitting in the hall reading 
 some letters when she came to the cabinet again. This 
 time I noticed her more closely and her beauty startled 
 me. I had not noticed her features very closely the 
 first few times I had seen her but, having thought about 
 her a great deal since, I was naturally more keen this 
 time. 
 
 The big grey eyes with their long lashes and clearly 
 defined brows were beautiful. The rest of her features 
 were just about perfect, and the two dimples which 
 showed one in each cheek when she smiled made my 
 heart give a little jump. 
 
 She was dressed neatly but inexpensively. I noticed 
 particularly her small hands with their tapering fingers 
 and well-kept nails, and also the small, neatly shod feet. 
 She was the neatest, cleanest-appearing girl I had ever 
 seen. Her hair, light in color, was dressed high on 
 her head and not in the then prevailing style. I liked 
 this one thing about her particularly, for it showed 
 that she believed in dressing as best suited her own 
 style of beauty. What I liked most of all about her 
 was her quiet, unassuming manner. 
 
 She did not pay much attention to me and when I 
 summoned up courage enough to address her with some 
 trivial remark, she answered quietly and as if she was 
 
ONE MAN 337 
 
 thinking about something else. There was a look in 
 her eyes that I did not like to see there. I knew she 
 was very unhappy over something. Somehow my heart 
 went out to her then and there and I just felt as if I 
 wanted to take her in my arms and comfort her, to 
 draw that look of pain and weariness from out her eyes. 
 
 When she finished her work there she looked up at 
 me and caught my glance, and I guess she must have 
 read something of my thoughts for she looked startled 
 and, turning abruptly, she went into one of the offices. 
 
 That night I made up my mind to meet that girl in 
 some way and get acquainted with her. I felt simply 
 as if I must know her. 
 
 The next morning I had my plan all worked out and 
 I went to Ben and asked him if he couldn t fix it for me 
 so that I could get her out to dinner with me. He 
 agreed to do all he could and said he would let me know, 
 but it was the following Tuesday night before he told 
 me his plan. 
 
 It seems she had agreed to go out to dinner with him 
 again and he was to bring along another girl for me. 
 Ben had it all framed up that he was to bring her down 
 town to meet me and then go after the other girl and 
 not return. This would leave me with her and then it 
 was up to me to get acquainted with her. 
 
 Our plan worked out all right and at six o clock the 
 next evening I went downstairs from my room in the 
 hotel and found her and Ben waiting for me. 
 
 She looked so sweet and innocent standing there be 
 side that big, coarse-looking brute that my heart went 
 
338 N E M A N 
 
 out to her and I wanted to kill him. We started over 
 to a certain restaurant when he left us, as she sup 
 posed, to get the other girl for me. It was agreed that 
 we were to take a table up in the balcony and wait for 
 them. 
 
 I know that I was trembling as I helped her off with 
 her coat and handed it to the waiter. We sat down at 
 the table and commenced talking about affairs at the 
 office. I was worrying about how I would explain Ben s 
 non-arrival, and as the moments passed she began to 
 look troubled. In desperation I finally asked her if she 
 wouldn t have a drink of some kind but she refused 
 rather coldly. At this point she excused herself from 
 the table and I seized the opportunity to grab a hand 
 phone from the balcony rail and call up Ben at the 
 club. I got him on the wire and asked him to call us 
 up a little later and tell her that he could not get back 
 to us that evening. Just as I finished asking him this 
 she returned and I said, " Here, talk to Ben and he 
 will explain this thing to you." She took the phone 
 and I could see from her expression as she listened to 
 his remarks that she was disappointed, but she acted 
 nice and I heard her say, " Yes, I ll stay and take din 
 ner with him." Then she said, " Good-bye," and hung 
 up the receiver. 
 
 I can remember to this day how the perspiration had 
 broken out on my forehead as I waited to see if I was 
 to have her with me that evening. When she turned to 
 me, after her conversation with Ben, I could see she 
 was not feeling very pleasant, and in that next ten min- 
 
N E M A N 339 
 
 utes I did my level best to make a good impression. 
 In my desire to please her, I again asked her to take a 
 drink of some kind and to my surprise she asked me 
 calmly what I was going to drink and I told her real 
 prompt, " Cliquot," and she said " All right." 
 
 Then I ordered our dinner and had the wine brought 
 to us immediately. To sort of smooth over the rough 
 place in the evening, I offered a toast to Ben but she 
 said, " No, it must be to you, seeing this is our first 
 evening together." I drank the full glass to the toast 
 and she did the same. 
 
 Then a little color came into her cheeks and she said 
 
 to me, " Mr. , I think Ben did not intend to come 
 
 back at all this evening, and perhaps you knew it, too." 
 I looked her square in the eyes and told her I was glad 
 he had not come back and asked her point blank if she 
 was sorry. She replied rather quietly, " Indeed not." 
 
 After her second glass of wine, she thawed out a lit 
 tle and I had a chance to become better acquainted with 
 her. We talked on all manner of subjects until our 
 dinner was served, but I was not hungry and she did 
 not seem to be. So we had more wine and I brought 
 the conversation around to ourselves. She asked me if 
 
 I hadn t been out with Miss N and I told her that 
 
 was a funny question and that if I had been out with 
 her I was in duty bound to deny it. That seemed to 
 please her and she laughed over my reply, saying that 
 very few men were that way. This was what I was 
 waiting for and I said in an off-hand way that Ben at 
 least did not believe as I did about such things. 
 
340 O N E M A N 
 
 At this her face colored up and, looking crossly at 
 me, she remarked, " So he told you, did he? " and I did 
 not answer. 
 
 I wanted her to know that I knew. I wanted her to 
 know that her trust in him had been misplaced. I 
 wanted her to hate him and give him up. 
 
 It seemed that after I had made the remark about 
 Ben she grew a little reckless about her drinking and 
 was willing to have her glass filled each time I offered 
 her more. 
 
 I was gradually getting under the influence of the 
 wine but it did not seem to create within me any feel 
 ing such as it had formerly done. It was slowly giv 
 ing me courage to test her out and finally I said, " Do 
 you know what I would like to do ? " And she an 
 swered, " No. What would you like to do? " I came 
 right back at her with, " I would like to take you up 
 to Milwaukee Saturday afternoon and come back Sun 
 day night." My hands were trembling so that I could 
 not lift my glass and I can remember sitting there at 
 that disordered dinner table waiting for her answer 
 and after just a moment s hesitation it came, " I ll go 
 with you, Saturday." 
 
 Ah, God ! But I ll remember that remark long after 
 most other things are gone from my memory. Some 
 thing within me flared up into a flame. Never before 
 had such a sensation come over me. I could not speak 
 for a moment and somehow I did not dare to. Some 
 thing told me she was mine then, that very evening. I 
 knew it was the wine that spoke, but I did not care them. 
 
O N E M A N 341 
 
 After a moment I looked up at her and said quietly, 
 " Do you mean that ? " and she answered slowly, " Yes, 
 
 I ll go with you, Mr. ." Oh, but that " Mr. " 
 
 hurt ; a moment before she had called Ben by his first 
 name. Why it should hurt me to have her call me Mr. 
 I did not know then ; all I knew was that it hurt. 
 
 After drinking a little more wine, I suggested that I 
 call a car and we leave the cafe. She said with a little 
 laugh that she didn t know whether or not she could 
 walk straight as she had had so much to drink. But I 
 told her I would help her all right. I called up a taxi- 
 cab company and told them to send a limousine car to 
 the cafe for me. When the head waiter told us that the 
 car was at the door she was somewhat under the influ 
 ence of the wine but I had no difficulty in reaching the 
 car with her. 
 
 After we were seated in the car I turned to her and 
 asked her where we should go. Putting her hand into 
 mine, she looked up at me and said, " I don t care where 
 you take me, Mr. Bob." I hesitated a moment and 
 then, picking up the tube, gave the driver the number 
 of the flat on Indiana. 
 
 She spoke only once to me on the way out and that 
 was to say as she gave my hand a little squeeze, " I did 
 not like you, Bobbie, when I first saw you around the 
 office." All I answered was, " Is that so? " She was 
 leaning close against me all during that long ride, and 
 somehow I was oddly happy. 
 
 I stopped the car once at a drug store and went in 
 to phone out to the flat to see if we could get in. I 
 
ONE MAN 
 
 had taken the precaution to obtain the telephone num 
 ber earlier in the day. The woman said to come on out, 
 that she had plenty of room for us. 
 
 It was ten o clock when we arrived at the flat and we 
 hurried up the steps out of the cold. 
 
 The woman showed us into the very room where I 
 had been once before. The little girl turned to the 
 woman and told her that she did not want that room 
 but some other one. I knew then that it was the same 
 room to which Ben had brought her. The woman gave 
 us another one and I helped my companion off with her 
 wraps. 
 
 Then I sat down in a big, leather chair and took her 
 in my arms. And as she nestled there a content came 
 into my heart such as it had never known. I knew in 
 that moment I loved that girl. I was as sober as I am 
 at this moment. 
 
 Love her ? God ! I had never known what love was 
 before. I knew she had sinned, knew it beyond all 
 doubt before my lips ever met hers, but in that first kiss 
 that night I gave her all that was good in me. 
 
 She did not speak as I sat there holding her; she 
 seemed content to just lie there in my arms. I had 
 one of her hands in mine and once in a while she would 
 give it a little squeeze. 
 
 Passion? Yes, passion flared within me but not as it 
 had done so often before. It was different, so differ 
 ent that I could not understand it ; there seemed to be 
 a fulness and a completeness about it; it awed me. 
 And as I sat there holding her, I asked myself again 
 
N E M A N 343 
 
 and again, " How can I obtain her and her love for my 
 own ? " And then came the thought of Ben and were 
 there any others? Yes, surely there must have been. 
 How many Ah, God! But that question hurt. 
 What should I do? I knew human nature so well. I 
 knew what it meant to go through self-denial. How 
 strong was this girl? How much had she really fought 
 to save herself from that sure and certain downward 
 road? She was only a child in so many things and as 
 I lifted her face to look into her eyes I could not see 
 my answer there. She kissed me full on the lips. If 
 she had been going with other men, wouldn t she keep it 
 up even though I passed her by that night. I wanted 
 her, God knows wanted her for my own and I was 
 going to have her. And it seemed to me as I sat there 
 moment after moment looking into her eyes, that I could 
 understand why I wanted her; it was as if I could see 
 the woman the real woman which was to be some 
 day. And I saw, too, that she was far from knowing 
 life and its shadows and that to have her I must takfi 
 her even that night in order to keep her from others and 
 perhaps in time all would be well. 
 
 As I lifted her from the chair in my arms she kissed 
 me and said, " Oh, Bobbie, I was afraid you wouldn t." 
 
CHAPTER XL VI 
 
 WE were, both quiet in the big car on the 
 homeward ride that night. She leaned 
 her head on my shoulder and one of her 
 hands was ungloved and clasped in mine. 
 
 During the two hours in that darkened room that 
 night I had learned her history. She had tried to tell 
 me the story of her downfall, but when she told me that 
 she had been persuaded by her escort; a big, full- 
 grown man to drink one night at a Wabash Avenue 
 cafe and then had been taken to one of the cheap hotels 
 nearby I made her stop. I did not want to hear the 
 sickening details. 
 
 She lived at home with her sister, mother and her 
 step-father. Her own father had been dead for years 
 and her mother, after many years struggle as a board 
 ing-house keeper, had married a young man. I could 
 see from the girl s story that life at home had been 
 anything but pleasant. She and the step-father did 
 not get along. 
 
 She was only nineteen years old and her first three 
 initials were the same identically as the three initials 
 in Harry s name. It seemed as if God in some way 
 was connecting up each part of my present life with the 
 
 past. 
 
 344 
 
ONE MAN 315 
 
 Just before we reached her home, she told me that 
 she never would have gone to the flat with me that night 
 unless she had been drunk. When I asked her if she 
 was sorry she said, " No, Bobbie, but what will you 
 think of me ? " I told her not to have any fear on that 
 score ; time would tell what I thought of her. 
 
 I little knew that evening as the car whirled me back 
 to the hotel what I had undertaken, the heartaches, the 
 jealousy, the doubts and the disgust which I was yet 
 to suffer. 
 
 Somehow the sinful side of it did not appear to me 
 at all and to this day, 1^ believe, yes, more than believe, 
 I know, that I did right. 
 
 I had made up my mind during those two hours in 
 that room that I would possess her for my own and that 
 no other man could have her. I did not actually think 
 of marriage then. No, the evening had been too won 
 derful to give me an opportunity to think so far ahead. 
 
 When I look back to that evening even now I know it 
 was the first real happy evening of my life. That hap 
 piness was not inspired by the gratification of any 
 beastly passion. It was just simply the feeling that 
 she was there in my arms content and happy to stay 
 there, that she wanted me to hold her. Of course, she 
 was under the influence of liquor when we went to the 
 flat, but she was perfectly sober in the last hour we 
 were there and I could never forget what that hour 
 keld for us both. 
 
CHAPTER XLVII 
 
 THE following day Ben came at me for the story 
 of the previous evening, but I only winked at 
 him and told him I would tell him about it 
 later. 
 
 As I went out of his office, he told me he was going 
 to take her out again the next Saturday night. I 
 could have walked back to his desk and killed him then 
 with my bare hands and I guess he saw the expression 
 on my face as I hesitated at the door, for he laughed and 
 said, " Bob, did she get your goat ? " I went out of 
 that office quick before I should forget myself and start 
 some trouble. 
 
 I was to remain at the offices for a week longer as 
 the president was considering sending me to Central 
 America on business. 
 
 At noon I had a chance to speak to Dot, for that was 
 her name, and I asked her to meet me Saturday even 
 ing and she promptly said she would. She told me then 
 that she was going to keep out of Ben s sight as she 
 wanted nothing more to do with him. I hated to hear 
 her call him Ben, but that hate was as nothing com 
 pared to what I was yet to suffer. 
 
 I met Ben during the afternoon and he said, " Well, 
 I ve changed my mind; I m not going to take your 
 
 346 
 
ONE MAN 347 
 
 * doll away from you." Then I knew he had spoken 
 to her since noon. She told me that he had, but never 
 told me what passed between them during the conversa 
 tion and I did not ask. 
 
 In the afternoon I ordered a big bunch of American 
 Beauties sent out to her home with a card bearing just 
 one word, " Bobbie." 
 
 What is there in man that prompts him to send 
 roses, red roses, to the woman the day after he has 
 conquered her? I was sorry an hour after I had sent 
 them because I had done that same thing before where 
 I had not cared for the woman as I knew I cared for 
 Dot. But from my heart there went with the flowers 
 a message unwritten. 
 
 Saturday I changed hotels and registered with my 
 " wife " at one of the best hotels, and that evening I 
 met Dot on the corner and took her up to the room. 
 
 The rate of that room was seven dollars a day and I 
 was glad I could take her to a place as nice as that. 
 It was certainly a beautiful room and I don t think she 
 had ever been in a place like it before because I could 
 see her look of wonder and pleased surprise as she took 
 in her surroundings. It was my favorite room and I 
 had taken the trouble to get that particular one be 
 cause I wanted to know if she liked the things I liked. 
 
 She wore a light-colored dress and she had evidently 
 changed at the office, leaving her other dress there. 
 She looked like a child sitting there on a Louis XV 
 chair and she fitted in with her surroundings perfectly. 
 I was greatly pleased to see that because no man wants 
 
348 O N E M A N 
 
 to love a woman of whom he will be ashamed under any 
 conditions. I had not had a thought of actually mar 
 rying her as yet. It seemed as if I was being carried 
 up and up on a big wave and I had not yet begun the 
 downward slide. 
 
 Like a fool, I had told Ben that afternoon that I was 
 going to change hotels that day and we had not been 
 there in the room more than half an hour when there 
 was a rap at the door. I answered it and there stood 
 Ben. He walked in and I shut the door after him. 
 Looking around the place which was evidently a little 
 better than even he was accustomed to, he remarked, 
 " Oh, see what a long tail our cat s got." We all 
 laughed at this and he walked over to Dot, saying, 
 " How s my little girl to-night ? " and kissed her. She 
 had put up her hands to keep him away but he had 
 taken them down. When I saw the flush of shame that 
 came over her face and the look in her eyes, I could 
 have killed him. Instead I told him to cut it out and 
 have something to drink. I guess something in my 
 tone of voice warned him, for he stepped over to the 
 phone, asking us what we would have. 
 
 After the drinks were served he took up his hat and 
 Trent to the door, saying, " Guess I ll beat it and leave 
 the two little birdies in their nest." Dot and I were 
 both relieved to see him go. 
 
 For a half-hour she sat in that same chair talking 
 with me and did not look very comfortable or happy 
 and finally I could stand it no longer. Pulling one of 
 the big easy chairs up to the window and turning out 
 
O N E M A N 349 
 
 all the lights except the ones on the dresser, I made 
 her come and sit on my knees. 
 
 With my arms around her we sat there looking out 
 on Michigan Avenue for an hour. And in that hour I 
 think she learned to care more for me. I wanted her 
 to love me, not to just like me or to be intimate with 
 me, but I wanted her to respect me, to want to be with 
 me, to truly love me. That hour will always be re 
 membered for it was filled with absolute peace and con 
 tent. I lost all track of the time and I wished we could 
 stay there forever. There were not any passionate 
 desires burning within me. I did not think of that at 
 all. 
 
 I know to-day that it was during that hour that my 
 first thought of marrying her came to me, but I put it 
 away from me then, little knowing the road I was yet 
 to travel. 
 
 When I found it was getting late I had our dinner, 
 together with a bottle of wine, served in the room. I 
 can remember so well her modest wishes as regards what 
 we should have for dinner. And when I spoke of wine 
 she said, " Bobbie, do we want any more? " I ordered 
 it just the same and we drank it with the dinner. She 
 did not talk very much and I wondered at her quiet 
 demeanor. After the dinner things had been removed 
 I asked her what time she had to be at home and she 
 said, " By one o clock." 
 
CHAPTER XL VIII 
 
 AT twelve o clock I said to her, " Dot, I wish 
 you didn t have to go home." Putting her 
 arm around my neck, she asked, " Bobbie, how 
 much do you wish it ? " I told her in very emphatic 
 terms and with a roguish smile that brought out the 
 dimples she said, " Perhaps I won t." 
 
 A little later she slipped away from me and I switched 
 on the little reading lamp which stood on the little 
 table at the head of the bed. Ten minutes later she tip 
 toed up to me. My eyes were closed and I did not see 
 her until she kneeled down beside the bed and, putting 
 her arms around my neck, she kissed my forehead, my 
 eyes and my lips. 
 
 She had on one of my silk night shirts which was 
 way too big for her and she had pinned it together at 
 the throat with a tiny silver brooch. Her hair hung in 
 a long braid over her shoulder and I knew then that 
 she was not going home that night. I could see in her 
 eyes the first signs of real love for me. 
 
 My first thought as I awoke in the morning was that 
 it had all been a dream but somebody s little head snug 
 gled up against my cheek made me realize that it was 
 all true. 
 
 For all the gold in the world I would not part with 
 
 the memory of that Sunday. It has strengthened me 
 
 350 
 
O N E M A N 351 
 
 in my hours of agony and indecision. It gave me the 
 knowledge and the love which enabled me to do as I did 
 afterward. 
 
 Never will I forget what she said that afternoon as 
 she lay in my arms and looked up at me, " Bobbie, I 
 can never marry any one. Who would have me if they 
 knew? " God! But it brought a rush of tears to my 
 eyes. That was just it. There lay the reason for her 
 doing as she had been doing. 
 
 Sixteen years old when her trouble came, she was 
 nothing but a child. Then she went with a young fel 
 low for two years and cared quite a little for him until 
 he told her one evening that he did not see how a man 
 could respect a woman who had not been good. All 
 during these two years she had been decent and good. 
 But after this young man expressed his views in such a 
 way she quit going with him. Then another young man 
 had come into her life and for six months she had gone 
 with him in a decent way when one night he got her 
 drunk and took her to a hotel. For six months longer 
 she had gone out with him occasionally and then they 
 had quarrelled. Then came her change in employment 
 to our offices and Ben s invitation to dinner. 
 
 Through no real fault of hers, she was condemned to 
 live alone all her life. Society had no place for her and 
 who can blame her for getting reckless? The mother 
 had been careless in bringing her up and selfish in her 
 love for her second husband. Dot felt that in her own 
 home there wasn t any real place for her. Once her 
 step-father had locked her out at night and she had had 
 
352 O N E M A N 
 
 to go to a relative s for the remainder of the night. 
 
 That Sunday she told me what she could remembei 
 of her own father. How good and kind he had been to 
 her and to everybody else, how he had loved to read and 
 had appreciated the beautiful things in life. And as 
 she told me these things that afternoon there came back 
 to me my own father s saying that " the son is like the 
 mother and the daughter like the father." I guess it s 
 true after all. 
 
 That night as we rode home in the big car she told 
 me that she would tell her folks she had been out at a 
 girl friend s home over night. 
 
 Just before we reached her home, I told her that I 
 loved her and that what had happened in her life made 
 no difference to me. She only looked at me with a 
 quaint little smile, saying, " Bobbie, I wish it could be." 
 I knew then that she did not have any hope but I also 
 knew that she had learned to love me, at least a little, 
 in those few days. 
 
 Tuesday night I took her to the same room again 
 and we remained until twelve o clock. 
 
 The next day the president informed me he was go 
 ing to send me to New York the first part of Decem 
 ber and then to Central America. He suggested that 
 I go home for Thanksgiving and a rest, so after telling 
 Dot good-bye at the office, I took an early train home 
 that evening. She had promised to be faithful to me 
 and had exacted a similar promise from me. She asked 
 in addition that I promise not to take a drink while I 
 was gone and I agreed gladly. 
 
CHAPTER XLIX 
 
 AFTER I had reached home, the wave receded 
 and I began to think. For the next few days 
 I did nothing else but think about Dot and 
 to go over and over every hour we had spent together. 
 I wanted to marry her, but could I ? And here stepped 
 in for the first time that awful thought, " Some one else 
 has had her." The agony that came to me as I realized 
 plainly what I was up against drove me nearly frantic. 
 Like all men I was selfish in my desires as to what 
 qualities my wife should possess. For the time being 
 I considered myself as having been as good as the aver 
 age man. My recent business success made me again 
 forget the skeleton in the closet. Something within me 
 rebelled against taking as a wife a woman who had 
 sinned. I did not stop to think that I had sinned with 
 her. I was yet far from what I now believe even God 
 in His infinite goodness would call a man and He is 
 more charitable than any of us ever can be. 
 
 Two days after Thanksgiving I received this letter 
 and I noted the poor writing and the misspelled words 
 which she had corrected, in a way that brings a flush of 
 shame to my cheeks now: 
 
 Dear Bobbie: I certainly have been lonesome to- 
 
 353 
 
354 O N E M A N 
 
 day and will be until you get back. I really did not 
 know it would affect me this way. I hope it affected 
 you the same way but probably it has not. It s all 
 right anyway, Bobbie. 
 
 Probably you will see that party again when you 
 come back and listen to some more of his smooth talk. 
 I will surely be glad when I know you have given him 
 up entirely and I wish I could never see him again. 
 No doubt, we should forgive and forget such things, 
 but I can t yet. 
 
 I am sorry there is no cat to look at me, as you 
 said the cat was looking at you when you wrote your 
 letter. 
 
 Bobbie, dear, I wish you would come back, for I do 
 miss you. Perhaps I shouldn t tell you, but I do. 
 
 Will you be here by next Saturday? Write and 
 tell me. Your own true, 
 
 DOT. 
 
 This was my first letter from her and somehow it 
 brought back so plainly our hours together. I was 
 truly ashamed of my thoughts of the preceding few 
 days. I wrote to her several times before the fifth of 
 December but she was not very prompt about her re 
 plies. I could not understand this at the time and had 
 an idea that perhaps she was out chasing around with 
 some one else during the evenings. On the fifth I re 
 ceived a wire asking me to come to Chicago at once and 
 I left that night. 
 
O N E M A N 355 
 
 At the office the president told me he wanted me to 
 go to New York on the following Sunday and from 
 there to Washington and on to New Orleans where I 
 was to take the boat for Port Au Barrios. The pros 
 pects of the trip pleased me greatly and that evening 
 I told Dot about it after we had reached my room at 
 the hotel. She did not say much about it but I thought 
 then she seemed disappointed over something. 
 
 During the evening she cried a little and said she 
 didn t want me to go away. It pleased me to think she 
 felt that way about it. 
 
 On Saturday she came with me again to the hotel and 
 remained until the next afternoon. I can remember sit 
 ting there on the edge of the bed that morning and 
 looking down at her as she lay there. I was not happy 
 for some reason. I wanted her and yet the thoughts 
 of Ben and the other two made me feel that somehow 
 I could never marry her. I would always be thinking 
 of their having had her. And would she remain true 
 to me after her marriage with me? Was she nothing 
 but a shallow-minded girl after all? What would my 
 folks say? Thoughts like these in legion passed 
 through my mind that morning as I sat there. When 
 I reached down and picked her up in my arms to kiss 
 her, the kiss hurt me somehow and for just an instant 
 she turned her little head away from me. 
 
 Several times that morning I caught her looking at 
 me with a queer, unfathomable gaze. Her eyes did 
 not flinch; she seemed to be trying to read my soul. 
 
356 O N E M A N 
 
 Somehow I could not meet her look squarely and in my 
 heart I felt ashamed. 
 
 About noon, just before she dressed, she put her 
 arms around me and said, " Bobbie, I guess you ve 
 taught me to love you, dear, for I do." And in that 
 moment my real love for her came forth and drawing 
 her close to me I said, " Dot, when I come back, I m go 
 ing to ask you to marry me." Cry? I never saw a 
 girl cry as she did then. I did all I could to comfort 
 her, but she would not eat any lunch and I knew then 
 she was all broken up over something. We had to 
 hurry to the station so that I could catch the eighteen- 
 hour train. At the station, I paid the chauffeur for 
 our trip down and also for taking her out home. The 
 last I saw of her was as the car swung around, she 
 leaned out of the window, the tears rolling down her 
 cheeks, and threw me a kiss. 
 
 I was in New York several days and while there met 
 Tulips father on the street. I took him to lunch at 
 the hotel and that afternoon about four, Tulips called 
 up and said she was coming down town at once to 
 take dinner with me and her husband would join us 
 later. 
 
 I met her at Times Square and took her over to Mur 
 ray s. We sat there and I broke my promise to Dot 
 about drinking. Tulips and I were feeling rather hi 
 larious when her husband arrived. He was pleasant to 
 me and I could not help wondering what he would say 
 could he know all the past. 
 
 During dinner, Tulips became tearfully drunk and 
 
ONE MAN 357 
 
 he called her down terribly, but she only told him to 
 " go to Hell." I sat there watching their squabble and 
 wondering what there was in life for either of them. 
 Each knew positively that the other had broken .the 
 marriage vow, knew it absolutely, as she had told me 
 that afternoon about his having caught her with an 
 other man. 
 
 We sat there at the table and after the third bottle 
 of wine had been opened, he became somewhat hilarious 
 and I decided it was time for me to go. They insisted 
 on accompanying me back to the hotel and on the way 
 over in the taxi Tulips suggested that we go down to 
 Little Hungary for the balance of the evening. I 
 did not want to go, as I did not feel right somehow. 
 When we stopped at the hotel, I got out and said I 
 would be back in a moment, as I wanted to see if there 
 were any telegrams for me. It just happened that 
 there was a message awaiting me and as I came back 
 to the taxi, I heard Tulips and her husband quarrelling. 
 I opened the door and holding the wire so that they 
 could see it, told them I would have to pass up the rest 
 of the evening as I had received a wire which demanded 
 my immediate attention. They were both pretty well 
 under the influence of liquor and after a little further 
 urging, they saw it was useless to expect me, so they left 
 me, with a promise to call me up on the morrow. 
 
 That was the last I ever saw of either of them. A 
 few weeks later they separated and drifted on down the 
 road that leads to oblivion. The last I heard of Tulips 
 she had almost reached the end of her journey. 
 
358 QNE MAN 
 
 After reaching my room that evening I sat down and 
 cursed myself for having broken my promise to Dot re 
 garding the drinking. My regret was sincere and even 
 though I did not know whether I would ever marry her 
 or not, still I wanted to keep faith with her. I felt as 
 if she were mine and that she wanted me to keep my 
 promise. 
 
 As for the Beast that made my life such a hell, that 
 didn t bother me any more. That afternoon I had felt 
 no temptation in Tulips presence, hadn t even thought 
 of it. I hadn t been bothered or troubled by it since 
 that evening with Miss N . 
 
 While in New York I received a letter from Dot. 
 
 Dear Bobbie: 
 
 I had such a long, lonesome ride home, was thinking 
 of you all the way. The folks had gone to the theatre 
 and I was so glad, for my eyes were all red. I am 
 ashamed to remind you what from but I really could not 
 help it, Bobbie. 
 
 We have had such a lovely time and I have been so 
 mean, but that is just my way. I hope you will over 
 look it, dear, because I would not hurt you for the 
 world. 
 
 It will be so lonesome for me while you are gone and 
 I am going to hurry to bed every night and dream 
 about you. I hope you will be lonesome for me, too. 
 
 When I think of the long journey you have taken, it 
 makes my heart ache, for when I think of it, I know 
 you are everything in the world for me. I live for 
 
O N E M A N 359 
 
 you, Bobbie, and you only, but you don t think so. 
 You will know some day, dear, just what I mean. 
 Now, dear, be sure and keep your promises, because it 
 means a lot to me. It s getting late and mother is go 
 ing to the mail box with me. I suppose you are in 
 slumber land by now. I ll certainly dream of you, Bob 
 bie, to-night. 
 
 Your own true, 
 
 DOT. 
 
 The next day I left for Washington and found an 
 other letter from Dot awaiting me at the Raleigh. 
 
 While in Washington I wrote to her and told her just 
 what day I was going to sail from New Orleans and . 
 asked her to write care of the Grunewald. 
 
 When I arrived there, I found a little short letter 
 from her in which she said she loved me and did not want 
 me to go away and she also said she would write a long 
 letter the next day, so I could have it to read on the 
 steamer, but the letter had not arrived the afternoon 
 of the day before I was to sail so I wired her at her home 
 asking her to wire me word in care of the steamship 
 company before eleven o clock the next morning. 
 
 Down at the docks in the morning I waited for the 
 message, but it did not come. I went into the com 
 pany s little office and telephoned to the telegraph of 
 fice and the uptown offices of the steamship company, 
 but there wasn t any word for me. 
 
 So I sailed without a single parting message from her. 
 That afternoon I was miserable. I thought to myself 
 
360 O N E M A N 
 
 that, now I was away, she had probably been out with 
 some other fellow the night before, perhaps with Ben. 
 All kinds of suspicious thoughts poisoned my mind dur 
 ing that trip down the river to the Gulf. At last I 
 went into the saloon and wrote her a mean, stinging let 
 ter accusing her of breaking her promise to me and 
 saying a great many unkind things. I gave the letter 
 to the pilot to take back and knew she would receive it 
 in a day or so. 
 
 I became very sick when we crossed the bar that night 
 and for two days I did not come on deck. 
 
 Christmas morning I sent my folks a wireless message 
 wishing them a Merry Christmas, but I did not send 
 any word to Dot, nor had I sent her any Christmas 
 present. My heart was sore. This trip to Port Au 
 Barrios was not a pleasant one for me. My mind was 
 on Dot most of the time and I cursed her and myself 
 time after time during those hours. I was bitter to 
 ward her and all my old suspicions, doubts and fears 
 came up to torment me and finally I was glad that I was 
 not married to her. 
 
 All through the trip across Guatemala and down 
 into Costa Rica that little girl s face was before me. 
 Somehow I could not forget it. The many interesting 
 things around me gave me little pleasure. My business 
 was successfully concluded in each city where I stopped. 
 
 At San Jose I got up early in the morning and went 
 to the big cathedral and when I came out of that grand 
 old place my heart was not so heavy. 
 
r ONE MAN 361 
 
 The night s trip from Port Limon to Colon was a 
 miserable experience for me. There was every reason 
 in the world for me to be happy, yet the world of mean 
 ness and selfishness within me was making me unhappy. 
 I could not sleep that night, but lay in a deck chair up 
 where I could watch the stars. 
 
 At the Tivoli at Ancon I found a room reserved for 
 me and as I started to follow the boy upstairs the clerk 
 called me back and handed me a special delivery letter. 
 It was from Dot and mailed three days before Christ 
 mas: 
 
 My own Bobbie: 
 
 I was sick, Bobbie, too sick to even write and I can 
 never tell you how bad I felt to have you go away with 
 out word from me. Your telegram did not come until 
 in the afternoon. We had a big storm and everything 
 was delayed. 
 
 Oh, I just know I ll get a terrible letter from you. I 
 just feel it in my bones. 
 
 Dear Bobbie, you don t know how bad I feel to have 
 you away from me. I wish I could just die until you 
 come back. This may sound awful to you, but it s true. 
 Bobbie, this is the first time I ever loved, I never realized 
 what it was really like. You know that I love only you, 
 if you don t know now, you will some day. 
 
 Please be careful and take good care of yourself be 
 cause that is an awful climate, I hear. I would not 
 want anything to happen to you, for I love you and al- 
 
362 O N E M A N 
 
 ways will. I have given you everything, even my heart. 
 You are the only one. Bobbie, I pray for you each 
 night and then I lie awake thinking of you. 
 
 Try to write every day, Bobbie, and remember your 
 promises. 
 
 Your own true, 
 
 DOT. 
 
 I wrote her a long letter that night asking her for 
 giveness for what I had written on the boat and among 
 other things I told her that if I had not loved her, I 
 wouldn t have written that way to her. 
 
 My work in Panama kept me busy for a week and 
 just before I sailed for New Orleans I received a heart 
 broken little letter from Dot. She asked for forgive 
 ness for not having been able to write and her letter 
 made me feel very uncomfortable. 
 
 All through that long trip back to New Orleans I 
 thought over the situation. What should I do? I 
 wanted to marry her and yet I was afraid to. She 
 knew I was making a big income. Then this little devil 
 of a thought crept in, " Does she pretend to love me, 
 just so I ll marry her and give her a home?" And 
 there were many more like this one. They tormented 
 me day and night. I asked myself again and again 
 why I should want to marry her, anyway. That was 
 what I couldn t understand. And a doubt crept into 
 my mind that perhaps after all the Beast was not dead 
 maybe it was only the flesh that I loved and I had 
 been fooling myself all along. 
 
O N E M A N 363 
 
 I mentally arranged side by side the reasons both for 
 and against my marrying her. I looked them over and 
 over and analyzed them, looking for the Beast to crop 
 out. Of course, I loved her dear little body ; any sane, 
 normal man with good, red blood in his veins would ad 
 mire her just for her splendid health and physique. 
 But after all I had learned the one great lesson, that 
 love cannot live on the flesh alone and the man who 
 marries only the body marries disaster. 
 
 And then there came to me the memory of her eyes 
 and their unfathomable depths. What thoughts lay 
 therein? Wasn t she, after all, nothing but a child? 
 Supposing she would marry me? Couldn t I teach her 
 some of life s lessons and couldn t I make her love me 
 as a woman should love? Couldn t I bring out all that 
 was good in her and make her a happy, contented 
 woman? Not a mother, no, that could not come to us. 
 
 When the steamer docked at New Orleans I knew that 
 if I married Dot it would mean that I had found her 
 possessed of a real woman s soul and mind, but would 
 I find them? 
 
CHAPTER L 
 
 I HURRIED on to Chicago, having wired Dot 
 that I would arrive there in the morning of the 
 following day and would stop at the usual place. 
 
 It was bitter cold when I got off the train and I hur 
 ried to the hotel and went to bed. The sudden change 
 in climate had been too much for me. 
 
 Dot called up right after lunch and said she had re 
 mained away from work, so as to be with me. I told 
 her I was in bed and she said she would come down to the 
 hotel. 
 
 When she came into the room an hour later, she 
 kneeled down beside the bed and put her arms around 
 me and with mine about her, we both cried like two chil 
 dren for a few moments. 
 
 That afternoon and evening we talked long and seri 
 ously about many things and that night she remained 
 with me. 
 
 At dinner we had one bottle of wine and when the last 
 two glasses were filled she sat on the edge of the bed 
 and handed me one while she took the other. Looking 
 at me in a rather hesitating way she said, " Bobbie, I 
 have never asked a favor of you, but I am going to now. 
 Will you drink this last glass of wine with me and we 
 will make a silent promise that neither of us will ever 
 
 touch a drop of liquor again." 
 
 364 
 
N E M A N 365 
 
 Something in her eyes, as she made this request, went 
 straight to my heart and I was glad so glad, that 
 she had asked me. I answered, " Yes, Dot," and we 
 made the promise as we drank the wine. 
 
 During the evening, she said she had some more news 
 for me. It seems that Ben had taken some girl from 
 the office out on a drunk and they had been arrested. 
 This cost Ben his position and he had left the city, but 
 the trouble did not cease there. It caused a general 
 investigation at the office, with the result that many of 
 the girls had been discharged and several had been 
 called into the office and questioned. When Dot 
 reached this point in her story she stopped, and I told 
 her to go on. She hesitated a moment before saying, 
 " I was called in also, Bobbie." I can remember how 
 she buried her head in the pillows and began to cry. 
 
 It took me some time to get her quieted down and 
 when I asked her what she had said when they asked 
 her if she had been out with any one, she refused to an 
 swer me for a long time. Finally she asked me to turn 
 on the little night light beside the bed. I did so and she 
 made me lie back on the pillow and she sat up where 
 she could see my face. I wondered at her actions, but 
 when she said quietly, " I told them, Bobbie, that I had 
 been out to dinner with you, but that I had a right to 
 go, as we were engaged," I knew why the poor child 
 wanted the light turned on. She wanted to see how I 
 would take it. For a moment I was dazed and then, 
 underneath all my other feelings, I was disappointed, 
 but I did not let her see it. 
 
366 O N E M A N 
 
 She threw herself into my arms and cried and cried, 
 but I kept assuring her that she had done the right 
 thing and before long she was quiet. I did not think 
 much more of the matter then, as I was very tired and 
 needed sleep. 
 
 Once during the night I woke to find the night light 
 burning and Dot leaning over me. When I asked her 
 what was the matter, she told me she wanted to ask me 
 something. When I told her that I would tell her any 
 thing, she wanted to know how many women I had been 
 intimate with. For a moment I hesitated about tell 
 ing her, then this thought came to me : " Perhaps if I 
 tell her a little about some of them, she will not feel so 
 ashamed of her own past." So I told her of a few of 
 them and I could see by her eyes that I had hurt her. 
 I wished then that I had not told her. She did not go 
 to sleep for a long time afterwards. 
 
 The next afternoon I took her out to her home. I 
 was afraid we would have some trouble explaining her 
 absence of the night before, but at the last moment we 
 patched up a story that evidently passed muster. 
 
 Her mother was very pleasant to me and I remained 
 there for dinner. Her step-father was a young 
 man and did not impress me very favorably. I could 
 see in a glance why Dot and he could not get 
 along. 
 
 After dinner that evening I told Dot something about 
 my former marriage and divorce just enough to let 
 her know that I had not been to blame. She took it 
 bravely and said she had thought that I must have had 
 
O N E M A N 367 
 
 some trouble during my life. I had made up my mind 
 not to tell her anything else out of my life. 
 
 During the evening as I was sitting alone in the par 
 lor for a few moments, her mother came in and sitting 
 
 down said, " Mr. , I suppose you are going to 
 
 take my little girl away from me soon. Well, you can 
 have her. I think you will be good to her. She is such 
 a good girl." 
 
 This took my breath away and I could only stammer 
 out, " Yes, ma am," when Dot came into the room. 
 
 So she had told her mother after I left for New York 
 that I had asked her to marry me ! That was too much 
 for me and a little later, excusing myself as best I 
 could on the plea of being tired out, I went into the hall 
 after my coat. I kissed Dot good-night rather hur 
 riedly and left the house without looking back. I 
 wanted to get to my room as quickly as possible so that 
 I could think alone and undisturbed. 
 
 When I reached the room I threw my coat and hat 
 on the bed and turning out the light I drew a chair up 
 to the window and sat there looking out at the lights 
 on the Avenue. 
 
 " Snared," " fooled," " roped in," and a dozen other 
 such expressions flitted through my mind at first. 
 What a damn fool I had been after all. Couldn t I see 
 now how that innocent appearing child had trapped me? 
 Did they think for a minute that they could get me in 
 that way? Well, they wouldn t. 
 
 Hour after hour through that long night, there in 
 that room where we had spent so many happy hours to- 
 
368 O N E M A N 
 
 gether, I fought and fought against the love in my 
 heart, trying my best to put her out of my life entirely. 
 Time after time I took her picture the one I loved 
 so much after all the one showing both her dimples 
 and looked at her face, trying to see something of 
 shallowness and craftiness therein. But somehow I 
 could not see it, try as I would. 
 
 When the grey dawn broke out over the lake, I was 
 still fighting, and completely exhausted I threw myself 
 dressed as I was upon the bed and slept until noon. 
 
 That afternoon I went to the offices and turned in my 
 report and business. The officers were greatly pleased 
 with my work and the president said that he wanted 
 me to take dinner with him that night. 
 
 As I came out of his office, I met Dot and her eyes 
 looked swollen, as if she had been crying. She asked 
 me if she could speak to me, and I said, " Certainly, 
 Dot." We went into one of the little offices and I shut 
 the door. Then she put her arms around my neck and 
 burst out crying, saying, " Oh, Bobbie, Bobbie, what 
 will you think of me after what my mother said last 
 night?" Then I knew that I had judged her too 
 quickly the night before and I told her to never mind, 
 that I understood it all. She made me promise to come 
 and see her the next night and said she would tell me the 
 whole story. I kissed her and dried her tears for her 
 before I let her go back to her work. 
 
 That evening the president took me to dinner at my 
 hotel and later in the evening we went up to my room. 
 There he saw a picture of Dot and turning to me he 
 
ONE MAN 369 
 
 held out his hand saying, " I want to congratulate you, 
 Robert; you ve got the sweetest girl in the offices." 
 Then he told me all about the trouble over Ben and said 
 he had called Dot in, so that he might protect her by 
 warning her to let the suspected girls strictly alone. 
 He said he had also thought that she might be tempted 
 to go out to dinner with some of the men and he wanted 
 to warn her, as he thought a lot of her. 
 
 The next evening, when I was seated in the parlor 
 with Dot, she told me her mother was anxious that she 
 get married and that evidently she had spoken that way 
 the evening before so as to hurry things up. 
 
 I comforted Dot all I could, but she was all broken up 
 and that evening she told me many things about her 
 home life. I wondered why she hadn t gone to hell 
 long ago. She seemed sorry afterwards that she had 
 told me these things, for as I was putting on my coat 
 she said, " Bobbie, I don t want you to pity me. I ve 
 got along all right so far and, please God, I ll come out 
 all right yet." 
 
 I sat up late that night again trying to decide what 
 to do. I knew that Dot would marry me, even though 
 I had not asked her to as yet. But there was that ter 
 rible fear in my heart. Was she willing to marry me 
 only to have some one give her a home? Would she be 
 true to me after she did marry me? Had she been 
 brought up with any idea of life s seriousness? Did 
 she have any ideals? And then crept in a new question 
 would I get tired of her after I had married her ? 
 What would she look like in ten years? Would she be 
 
370 ONE MAN 
 
 
 one of these semi-respectable married women who run 
 around wearing loud clothes, drinking highballs and 
 trying to reach into the pitch pot without soiling their 
 dainty hands? It made me sick, the whole mess, and 
 I decided to go home and rest. 
 
 The next day I obtained permission to go home for 
 a week, but I did not say anything to Dot about it at 
 the office. Instead I went back to the hotel about four 
 thirty and called her up from there. I told her I was 
 going home that evening for a few days and would write 
 to her. She did not take the news very pleasantly, but 
 I could not help it. I was just about frantic with the 
 worry of it all. 
 
 I received a letter from her a couple of days later, 
 and in it she said she was deeply hurt at my going away 
 as I did without saying good-bye and she closed by ask 
 ing what she had done to hurt me and in a pitiful way 
 asked for forgiveness. 
 
 While at home this time, I told my folks about her 
 and showed them her photo. Father looked at it rather 
 carefully and though he did not say anything, he looked 
 at me rather queerly. 
 
 Mother became greatly excited and asked me if I was 
 going to be fool enough to get married on practically 
 nothing. 
 
 I had felt somehow as if they wouldn t like it and I 
 was not surprised at Mother s outbreak. 
 
 My little sister was sitting there at the table and tip 
 toeing around behind me, she looked over my shoulder 
 at the picture. I handed it to her and calling her by 
 
ONE MAN 371 
 
 her pet name said, " What do you think of her, Bill? " 
 She looked at it a moment and then, leaning over, she 
 whispered in her quaint slang, " Go to it, Bob. She 
 is all right. I ll love her even if the rest of them don t." 
 That evening after I was in bed, Mother came in 
 and kneeling down beside my bed said, " Son, if you 
 marry that girl, who is going to take care of us when 
 we get old? " And so there came another question to 
 be answered. 
 
CHAPTER LI 
 
 I COULD not reach a decision and it was getting 
 along toward the middle of February when I 
 went back to Chicago. Dot s letters had been 
 growing more pitiful. Evidently she thought she had 
 mortally offended me. My letters to her had been a 
 strange mixture; one would be warm and full of love 
 and the next short and cold. I really went back to 
 Chicago to see her again, as I could have gone straight 
 to my new Western territory from home. But I wanted 
 to see her. Somehow I thought the sight of her would 
 help me decide. 
 
 I slipped into Chicago on Saturday morning, think 
 ing I could have her until Sunday evening. 
 
 She got away from work and came to meet me at 
 noon. We went to the same old room at the hoteh 
 
 When I had taken off her wraps and hung them up, 
 I led her to the window, where I could look deep into 
 her eyes. Yes, she had changed. Unconsciously her 
 letters had led me to believe I would find her changed. 
 She looked a little older, but sweeter than ever. I 
 asked her if she loved me and she said, " Yes, Bob." 
 But there was something different about the way she 
 said it. 
 
 Several times, during that afternoon and evening, I 
 
 372 
 
ONE MAN 373 
 
 caught her looking at me with that disconcerting, steady 
 glance of hers. It made me uncomfortable and ashamed 
 in some way. She had changed in more ways than one ; 
 she seemed to love me more than ever, but there was an 
 undercurrent of something like hopelessness about it 
 all. 
 
 It seemed to me as if she wanted to give me every 
 thing, but that she did not expect anything in return. 
 Later in the evening she changed a little and became 
 more like her old self. 
 
 When I asked her, about eleven o clock, if she wasn t 
 going to remain until the next afternoon, she said, 
 " Bobbie, do you think I ought to ? Do you think I 
 am treating Mother right by staying away all night and 
 saying nothing about it ? " 
 
 Something in the way she said it made me realize she 
 had been thinking a great deal since I had last seen 
 her. 
 
 I acted decently about her not staying, and when I 
 helped her out of the car at her door, she said, " Bobbie, 
 aren t you glad we don t have to lie to Mother about 
 being away over night? " and somehow I was glad and 
 underneath it all I respected my little girl a lot more. 
 
 Yet when I rode back to the hotel alone that night, 
 I was disappointed. I had lost something, my com 
 plete control over her. She had decided that it was 
 wrong for her to stay away all night. What would be 
 the next step? 
 
 Sunday I went out to her home for dinner and 
 remained until late in the evening. That day I 
 
374 O N E M A N 
 
 found out that she was passionately fond of good music. 
 
 Late in the afternoon she took me up to her own 
 room. It was a pretty little place and neat as a pin. 
 On the walls were the little cards and mottoes that I 
 had sent her from time to time. A queer feeling came 
 over me even as I entered that little room. It was hers, 
 and as I looked at the plain little white bed I somehow 
 suddenly wondered how many hours she had lain there 
 awake thinking of me. And somehow I thought less of 
 myself as a man. There seemed to be something sort 
 of sacred about the cozy little place. 
 
 She evidently felt something strange, too, about our 
 both being there and when I put my arms around her 
 and kissed her, two big tears rolled down her cheeks. 
 But she dabbed at them with her little handkerchief and 
 asked me in a very faint voice how I liked her room. 
 When I had finished telling her, she was smiling again. 
 
 I have never forgotten this incident and I think her 
 taking me up there that day was a blessed thing for 
 both of us. Two days later, after a tearful good-bye 
 from Dot at the station, I went West on a long trip. 
 
 Here I began sounding the depths of her soul. I 
 wrote her long letters and in them I tried to bring up 
 questions which she would ask herself as she read the let 
 ters. I planned my letters so as to gradually get her to 
 questioning herself as to her ideals. I tried to indi 
 rectly teach her some of the lessons my bitter experience 
 had taught me. 
 
 Her answers were pitiful at times. She did not un 
 derstand many of the things I said. She would think 
 
N E M A N 375 
 
 that I had intended to hurt her when I was only trying 
 to help her to know herself. 
 
 For several weeks I worked hard and made money 
 hand over fist. Dot was writing to me right along and 
 I could see the gradual change for the better in her let 
 ters. It was taking all my strength to keep up with 
 my work and at the same time try to decide what to do. 
 
 Along toward the latter part of my trip Dot s letters 
 became more pitiful again and she said she needed me. 
 And then one morning came a letter which contained a 
 little lock of her hair tied with a tiny pink ribbon. In 
 the letter she asked me to please come to her. 
 
 That night I took the train for Chicago and the next 
 morning she was with me in the old room at the hotel. 
 Again she had changed a great deal. 
 
 She had grown more womanly and I missed some of 
 the girlish signs that I had learned to love. Her eyes 
 were even more beautiful than ever. 
 
 That was an evening which will never be forgotten. 
 She was sweeter and more dear to me than ever before. 
 I can remember her sitting up in bed while I was writing 
 a letter home telling the folks I was in Chicago. 
 
 I turned around to her and said, " I wish, Dot, you 
 didn t have to go home to-night," and she replied 
 quickly, " So do I, Bobbie." I came so near saying, 
 " Stay here, Dot, and we will go and get married in the 
 morning." But something held me back. Sitting there 
 in the bed she seemed just as if she ought to be my wife, 
 she seemed to be a part of me. Her hair was in one long 
 braid over her shoulder and she had on one of my night 
 
376 N E M A N 
 
 shirts which was so much too big for her that the mono 
 gram on the pocket came clear over on the right side. 
 Her cheeks were flushed and she looked so tired and 
 sleepy, yet happy. 
 
 But I took her home at midnight and her mother un 
 locked the door for us. 
 
 For two days I remained in Chicago, going out to 
 Dot s home in the evenings and remaining at the office 
 during the working hours of the day. Then I left again 
 for the West, after telling Dot that I thought it would 
 be my last trip. 
 
 On my way out to my territory, I stopped at home 
 for a few days. The second afternoon I was there, I 
 met an old friend on the street a man many years 
 my senior. Years ago he had been a good friend and 
 I had always admired him for his wonderful knowledge 
 of life and its problems. He invited me to come up to 
 his office for a chat and I gladly accepted the invitation. 
 Taking me into his private office, he gave me a good ci 
 gar and we sat down. 
 
 He had greatly increased his wonderful store of wis 
 dom in the years I had been out of touch with him and I 
 gradually led him around to the question that was 
 troubling me. " Judge," I said, " tell me something, 
 why is it that a man who loves a woman hesitates over 
 marrying her, if he knows she has sinned with some 
 other man? " Back came his answer without the least 
 hesitation. " Bob, the man loves himself more than he 
 loves the woman. The average man of to-day is the 
 most selfish thing that walks God s green earth." 
 
ONE MAN 377 
 
 His answer took me by surprise and I could not see 
 where he was right. Take my own self for instance, 
 was I selfish? No, I couldn t see that I was. I had 
 always prided myself over being generous. The old 
 Judge went on to quote several cases that had come 
 to .his attention and when I left him that afternoon, I 
 had food for reflection. 
 
 A few days later I left for my territory and remained 
 there just four weeks. Something was wrong with me 
 during all this time. Continually I caught myself think 
 ing about myself. The words of the old Judge rankled 
 in my mind. Could it be that I had been selfish all my 
 life? Could it be that I had thought only of self when 
 it came down to actual spending of money, giving of 
 time and effort, and in my loving? Somehow as these 
 four weeks passed I began to think less of myself. When 
 I looked real deep for faults within me, I was ap 
 palled at what I found. The Beast within me was dead, 
 without doubt, but weren t there other things almost 
 as bad? And the more I thought, the more I wanted 
 to see Dot again. I had quit questioning her love. I 
 did not think about that. I was busy questioning 
 self. 
 
 During these four weeks her letters had shown an im 
 provement almost unbelievable and mine to her had 
 grown more serious. In one of her letters she told me 
 she had left the office and taken a position with another 
 firm at a better salary. 
 
 I was rather glad to hear this, and I wrote to her and 
 told her I was coming in to see her the following week. 
 
378 O N E M A N 
 
 Her answer did my heart good. She seemed to be so 
 glad that I was coming back. 
 
 When I reached Chicago I went again to the same ho 
 tel and she called me up in the morning asking me to 
 come out to the house that evening and at the same time 
 saying she would arrange to get away from work the 
 following day and spend it with me. 
 
 I reached the house before she did that evening and I 
 was talking with her mother when she came in. I took 
 just one look at her and then gathered her up into my 
 arms. She had improved wonderfully. That childish 
 look was gone and with it that little expression of hope 
 lessness which I had learned to see in her eyes. She 
 looked the picture of happiness as she stood there hold 
 ing my two hands. 
 
 After dinner we sat in the parlor and talked until ten 
 o clock. During the evening she told me that my let 
 ters had helped her so much and that she was happier 
 than she had been for a long time. 
 
 The next morning she came down town and we spent 
 the day in my room at the hotel. This time we had a 
 different room. Somehow I did not want to take the 
 old room again. Just why I felt that way, I did not 
 know then. 
 
 She seemed to love me more than ever on this occa 
 sion, but in a different way than ever before. I seemed 
 to appreciate her love and what it meant. 
 
 Once during the evening I said that I wished I had a 
 position in Chicago and we were married and in a little* 
 home of our own. Then she told me the kind of a lit- 
 
ONE MAN 379 
 
 tie place she would like to have. After describing it 
 down to the minutest little detail she colored up and 
 added shyly, " And Bobbie, a baby." She loved chil 
 dren and flowers. Her description pleased me im 
 mensely, for it showed she had at least been thinking 
 about it. 
 
 When I told her that I liked to hear her talk that way, 
 she said that was the first time I had ever seemed to 
 care what she thought of such things. She also said 
 she would rather have me with her all the time if I was 
 only earning a hundred dollars a month than to have 
 me away from her most of the time even if I was earning 
 two hundred a week. Then she scolded me for paying 
 six dollars for a taxi to take her home on each of the 
 many different occasions in the past and said that here 
 after we would take the Elevated. It had been her fault, 
 she said, as much as mine after all, for she should not 
 have allowed me to do it. 
 
 A little later she put her arms around my neck and 
 asked forgiveness for talking to me so. 
 
 All during the evening something had been bothering 
 me and puzzling me. The feeling that I had not treated 
 Dot right in some way kept growing upon me. I tried 
 to figure out what it was that I had failed to do, but I 
 could not. At last I said to her, " Dot, I want to ask 
 you something." The little night light was the only 
 one burning and I put my arm around her shoulder and 
 raised her up so I could see her eyes. " Have I always 
 treated you right, Dot, or have I been selfish in my ac 
 tions? " I asked. Her face paled for just a moment 
 
380 O N E M A N 
 
 and her eyes closed, but when she opened them again she 
 seemed to look me through and through as if to discover 
 what had come over me. " Bobbie, you have always 
 been good to me and I know you love me," was her an 
 swer. 
 
 Oh, but I knew then, I knew it even when I had asked 
 the question, and God, how ashamed I was in that mo 
 ment, how small and insignificant I seemed. 
 
 Then she asked me to turn the light out and when I 
 had done so, she took both my hands in hers and said 
 very slowly, " Bobbie, I want to tell you something you 
 never knew; until you took me I never wanted to do 
 wrong. You have taught me to love you and to want 
 only you and I d give my life to you to-night, I love you 
 so." Putting her arms around me, she drew me close 
 to her and at last I knew she loved me. 
 
 I was ashamed to receive her caresses in that last half 
 hour, for I was just beginning to see what a selfish, un 
 clean mind had been mine. 
 
 On the way home with her on the Elevated I made up 
 my mind to do a strange thing. I decided to go away 
 somewhere and purge my mind of its uncleanliness and 
 so I told her at the door that night that I was going 
 away on the morrow to be gone a week or ten days and 
 that I would come back to her at the end of that time. 
 She looked surprised, but I asked her not to question 
 me, as it was for our good that I was going. I asked 
 her not to write to me and told her I would explain all 
 when I came back. 
 
 Something in my manner of telling her seemed to sat- 
 
O N E M A N 381 
 
 isfy her that it was best for her to let me go unques 
 tioned and as I kissed her good-bye, I said, " Dot, dear, 
 to-day was our last day of its kind for us." She looked 
 up into my eyes and I think she understood. 
 
 Early the next morning I took a train for home and 
 the next day, after a little inquiry, I found the place I 
 sought. That night I left home and came up here into 
 the pines to build my new creed of life. 
 
CHAPTER LII 
 
 IT was the twilight hour when I arrived here at the 
 little log cabin among the pines. Not a ripple 
 marred the still surface of the lake, which 
 stretched away from the very door. The smoke from 
 my little chimney curled lazily upward among the big 
 trees and as I stood there and watched the light slowly 
 fading away out across the lake, I took off my hat and 
 silently thanked God that I had come. Surely I would 
 find here that which I sought. 
 
 After supper I took a rocker out on to the little 
 screened-in porch and there in the stillness of the night 
 I began the fight. 
 
 In the beginning, I went back to the first things I 
 could remember in my childhood and then I followed 
 again and slowly the crooked road of my life up to the 
 present hour. 
 
 Why had I done this or that? Why had I craved 
 this or that? What had I striven for all these years 
 and after all what had I gained? And from the whis 
 pering pines above me seemed to come the answer, 
 " Nothing." 
 
 It seemed that night that my mind stood before me 
 as a dwelling house and as I walked through the dim 
 
 halls and peered into the quiet rooms, what I found was 
 
 382 
 
O N E M A N 383 
 
 not good to know. And scrawled as if by an unseen 
 hand in the dust of the halls and those silent rooms of 
 my unkempt house was one word, " Self." 
 
 Oh, the things that I found in that place during the 
 quiet hours of the night, the things I had never known 
 were mine ! And as the first light of the coming dawn 
 stole out of the East, with it came back to me again the 
 memory of that old, old promise of His, " Seek and ye 
 shall find." 
 
 I have tried to forget the struggle of those next few 
 days and nights. The shame of finding out that I had 
 grown into such a man was almost more than I could 
 bear. 
 
 Fight, ah, God, yes, but I had to fight. I began at 
 the beginning and came first to a realization of what I 
 had done, then there came the realization of what I 
 should have done and after that came the question, 
 " Could I be the man God had wanted me to be, and 
 then would I be that man? " Yes, that was it, could I 
 and would I be that man ? 
 
 The second night was the most terrible of all, for ia 
 those hours I had to make up my mind that I would at 
 least try. I knew it would be a hard fight, but after 
 hours of pacing the floor and then hours on my knees 
 beside that rough little bunk, I looked up to see the 
 dawn such a glorious dawn stealing in through my 
 little east window and I knew then that I would try. 
 
 It was hard, and I liken it again to the rehabilitating 
 of a dwelling, for it was the dwelling place of my soul. 
 
 It seemed as if I took each room by itself and from 
 
384* O N E M A N 
 
 it I had to take the accumulation of years of wrong 
 thinking. Envy, Hate, Ignorance, Suspicion, Distrust, 
 Greed, Hopelessness and many others I found, each in 
 their own room and Selfishness in all of them. Hidden 
 away in one room I found a Dead Child and in another 
 a Suit of Prison Clothes and in yet another a Faithless 
 Wife. And it seemed sometimes as I passed through 
 the hall I would see again in a room that I had already 
 cleaned and swept, some of the things that I had taken 
 out. It was as if somebody had put them back again 
 and I would have to carry them out some of them 
 again and again. 
 
 In some of the rooms, I found lessons learned long 
 ago and put away forgotten. I ptolished them up and 
 put them back, each in its own place. 
 
 So I fought self and fought for and against self and 
 her, my little girl at the same time, and for our future 
 life. 
 
 What of the men who had possessed her? Yes, but 
 what might have been her thoughts as she lay at night 
 in that little white bed up in her room and remembered 
 the women who had possessed me? Had she not suf 
 fered, perhaps even more than I was capable of suffer 
 ing? What of the promise I had not kept? What of 
 the days when I had come back to her again and again 
 and taken her in my arms without even asking her to 
 marry me? Yet again and again she had risked every 
 thing to give me her love. 
 
 What were her sins as compared with mine? They 
 were as nothing. Who was I, that I should judge this 
 
O N E M A N 385 
 
 girl, who after all was only a child in so many things? 
 
 That night when I had first taken her in my arms, 
 what had been my reason had I led her up or had I 
 dragged her down? Had I kept my promise to my 
 self? 
 
 Would she be faithful? Ah, that was hard at first. 
 Yet, if I always did my duty by her, if I was always 
 patient and kind, if I always gave to her all that should 
 be hers, wouldn t she give me that faith a woman s 
 faith, which, honored by a man, is almost imperishable. 
 If she could love me as a selfish brute, would she love me 
 as a man? 
 
 High above all was this had I not put hope into 
 her life? Having led her up out of the depths of her 
 hopelessness to view a new life, to give her hope of that 
 existence which every woman craves, was I now to de 
 stroy that faith and hope to plunge her into the 
 depths far lower than from whence I had taken her? 
 If I did she would never again have faith in any man. 
 
 Before my coming, her sin was prompted by hopeless 
 ness, but after I came into her life it was nourished by 
 hope and love. If I gave her my love and my name, 
 wasn t she giving me as much, and, yes far more in 
 return ? Why did I want her, anyway was it because 
 I wanted a woman, a companion, a servant, a possession 
 that I could play with, could exhibit to the world with 
 pride, some one who would amuse me? Or did I want 
 some one to whom I could give a pure, unselfish love, 
 some one who would be happy with me, some one to 
 whom I could give a new life, new faith, new hope and a 
 
386 O N E M A N 
 
 blessed existence? Ah, was that it after all, did I want 
 to give her that new life, the real life, that something 
 which she had not expected to ever have? Wouldn t it 
 be wonderful, after all, to see her grow in wisdom, 
 strength, faith and hope, to see her develop into that 
 wonderful woman God had intended her to be? 
 
 What if she did grow old, wouldn t I also? And in 
 those last days of life wouldn t she need some one to 
 protect and care for her? And long before then 
 wouldn t she have realized where the old life would have 
 led her, down into those terrible depths, and wouldn t 
 she thank God, not me, that I had come into her life? 
 When that realization came to her, wouldn t she do all 
 she could to help others? She had given me of the best 
 of her youth and was willing and anxious to give me 
 more and in her giving didn t she show her deep love for 
 me? Didn t I owe her something and after all, wouldn t 
 I be glad to pay? Could it be called payment? 
 
 Suppose we did marry, how would we start life as 
 two unforgiven sinners who had taken licensed refuge in 
 each other s arms, or as God s children with a joy in 
 living the clean life? 
 
 What was I born for, anyway? Wasn t it my heri 
 tage as a man to care for and protect some woman 
 through life? Wasn t it the duty of every man to leave 
 the earth the richer for his having been here? And 
 children ? Oh, but there was a way to do that, too. 
 They might not be of our flesh and blood, but they could 
 be ours. Were there not so many things my little girl 
 and I could do? 
 
O N E M A N 387 
 
 And as I swept and cleaned the rooms and halls and 
 washed the windows of my house, it gradually took on 
 a different air. The bright sunshine flooded through 
 the windows into many of the rooms and the sight of it 
 there gave me strength to go on with my task. And as 
 I worked I grew happier, and I realized at last that my 
 little girl had a soul and mind. I had been blind. 
 
 At last, on a bright June morning, I knew my work 
 was done and through my house, into every nook and 
 cranny, spread the sunshine of the New Life. I knew 
 then, as I have known ever since, that the only way to 
 always keep my house just so would be to sweep and 
 clean each day. 
 
 And so my soul moved into its home. 
 
CHAPTER LIII 
 
 THAT night I went home. When Mother 
 opened the door for me the next morning, she 
 exclaimed, " Why, son, your vacation did you 
 a world of good." Yes, my vacation. But she never 
 knew. 
 
 I telegraphed Dot to meet me at the depot the next 
 morning without fail. 
 
 She was waiting for me as the train pulled in and 
 I saw her anxious little face in the crowd long before 
 she saw me. I did not kiss her, but took both the hands 
 she held out to me and told her how glad I was to see 
 her. She squeezed my hands and said she had waited 
 so long for me. She acted timid and a little bashful 
 that morning and in her eyes was a worried little ex 
 pression. I did not give her a chance to ask me any 
 questions, but asked her a great many about her life at 
 home. At the cab stand I ordered a taxi to take us 
 to the hotel and after we were on our way she looked 
 at me so strangely that I said with a smile, " Never 
 mind, dear, that is the only place where we can talk un 
 disturbed." 
 
 I helped her out at the drug store and told her I 
 would come back and get her in a few moments. After 
 I had registered and sent my baggage up to the room 
 
 388 
 
O N E M A N 389 
 
 I went back after her. When we opened the door of the 
 room, she said, " Oh, Bobbie, we ve got the old room 
 again, haven t we? " 
 
 After my breakfast, I ordered a car and we rode 
 through the parks until noon, when we came back to 
 the hotel. When the lunch things had been removed, I 
 locked the door and pulling up to the open windows the 
 same chair we had occupied on our first evening up 
 there, I took her in my arms and held her there for a 
 long, long time. I did not know but what it was to be 
 the last time. 
 
 Finally I told her that I had a great many things to 
 tell her that afternoon and that I wanted her to listen 
 to me without a single interruption until I had finished. 
 Then I lifted her up and put her back into that same 
 chair alone, while I took another one opposite her. 
 
 Sitting there wjth her that afternoon, I began at the 
 very beginning of my life and told her the story in all 
 its miserable details. I took the blame upon myself for 
 all I had done and I told the whole truth throughout. 
 I did not spare myself in any way. 
 
 Several times she started forward to interrupt and I 
 shut her up harshly. I can remember how she shrank 
 back at my harsh speech, but I had to do it for her sake. 
 Only once did she say anything and that was when I 
 told her about the prison sentence and then I heard her 
 say something about " Glad." 
 
 It was nine o clock when I had finished my story, end 
 ing with the fight up here in the cabin. Then I asked 
 her to marry me the next day. 
 
390 O N E M A N 
 
 As I finished, the tears were rolling down her cheeks 
 and her little hands were convulsively twitching the 
 fringe on the arms of the big easy chair in which she sat. 
 I knew she was suffering, but I could not help it. It 
 had been my duty to tell her all. 
 
 I sat still, waiting for her to say something, but hop 
 ing she would not for a few moments. From the Ave 
 nue came the sound of the passing automobiles, but in 
 the room the silence was broken only by her choking 
 sobs. 
 
 Suddenly she got up out of her chair and walking to 
 the wardrobe, she took out her coat and hat, while I sat 
 perfectly still in my chair. After she had put them on 
 she came over to me and standing there in front of me, 
 she held out both her hands. I stood up and put my 
 hands in hers. She held them tightly just a moment 
 and then, releasing them, she put her arms around my 
 neck and said, " Bobbie, kiss me just once." In that 
 kiss she seemed to give me something such as I had 
 never received before. The light in the room was very 
 dim and I could not see into her eyes, anyway my own 
 were blinded with tears. 
 
 Holding me close to her for just a moment she turned 
 and walked to the door. Unlocking and opening it, she 
 turned just for a moment toward me and then without a 
 word she stepped out into the hall and closed the door 
 softly. I could hear the sound of her footsteps grow 
 ing fainter and fainter as she went down the hall. 
 
CHAPTER LIV 
 
 FROM my seat here by the window in the little 
 log cabin, I can follow with my eyes for a lit 
 tle ways, the road which winds away among 
 the pines. 
 
 And as I watch some one comes into view at the big 
 bend in the road. She is not alone, for, clinging to 
 each one of her hands is a little child and all three are 
 laughingj happily over something. She is my wife and I 
 call her my " Dot." 
 
 It is not a long story as to how we came here. 
 Strange as it may seem, after she left me that night 
 without a word, I did not worry. I was sure that she 
 would return. Where she had gone I did not know and 
 I did not follow her. I went to sleep in that chair she 
 had occupied while I had told my story. I had done 
 all I could. 
 
 At three thirty in the morning my phone rang and 
 a voice told me that a lady wished to speak to me and a 
 moment later Dot s voice came over the wire, " Bob 
 bie, I am out here at the drug store at the entrance to 
 Park. Please come and get me." 
 
 Hastily phoning for one of the big cars to meet me 
 over on Wabash Avenue I hurried from the room. An 
 
 hour later, she was in my arms in the car and I held 
 
 391 
 
392 O N E M A N 
 
 her there as the man drove the car slowly through the 
 parks until seven o clock. My little girl lay there in 
 my arms with her tear-stained cheeks and little swollen 
 mouth, showing the agony she had suffered in those 
 hours as she had wandered alone through that big park, 
 fighting her fight. 
 
 Up in my room after I had removed her hat and coat, 
 I bathed her face and hands and made her eat a little 
 breakfast. A little later, thinking she had gone to 
 sleep, I went over and sat down in the big chair. 
 
 In a few moments she came and kneeled down beside 
 me and, taking my hands in hers, said, " Bobbie, I ll do 
 the best I can." 
 
 We were married at a little parsonage out on the 
 South Side that morning, and that night I brought her 
 straight up here. 
 
 The children? Well, it took three months time and 
 a great deal of money to find them but they mean so 
 much to us now. We searched far and wide for the 
 right ones and finally found them. At the Home where 
 they were we had looked over a dozen little boys and 
 girls before we decided on these two. After that we had 
 to find the fathers and mothers in order that we could 
 be sure the children were all right. It took time, pa 
 tience and money but we have never regretted it. They 
 have been a blessing to us. 
 
 When it was about decided which ones we were to 
 take and the children had been brought to us in the 
 little office for a last examination, Dot said, " Bobbie, 
 let s take them." The little girl looked up at her and 
 
O N E M A N 393 
 
 asked, " To-day ? " Dot picked the little one up and 
 told her, " Maybe." Just then the little lad spoke up, 
 " If you take her to-day, you will take me to-morrow, 
 won t you? " He evidently didn t see how we could 
 take two children in one day. A few days later they 
 were ours and when Dot and I are alone we call 
 them, " To-day and To-morrow." 
 
 Why did we take them? There were many reasons 
 for our doing so, but the real reason was that we wanted 
 to do something as a thank offering to God for His 
 infinite goodness to us and for the wonderful peace and 
 happiness that our marriage brought to each of us. 
 We know of no happiness in this world that equals ours 
 and the pleasure we take in bringing up these two little 
 ones is not to be measured. In one sense it is an atone 
 ment for our sins but yet it is all pleasure to do it. 
 
 We both know of some things which the average chil 
 dren do not receive some of the things we did not 
 have, but these children will receive them. Please God, 
 they won t be missing in our home. 
 
 There are no cross words in our little household, 
 either in the city or out here, no blows, no ugly looks. 
 There is boundless love, faith, hope and charity for each 
 other and for the rest of the world. There is no Past 
 for us, no Yesterdays. 
 
 I gave up the travelling so that we could have a home. 
 My income did not suffer by the change. We have our 
 little home in the city and in Summer we come up here. 
 Dot wanted to. 
 
 These beautiful evenings after the kiddies are tucked 
 
394 O N E M A N 
 
 away snugly in their little beds, friend Wife and I sit 
 out on the little screened-in porch in the gathering twi 
 light. As the light fades slowly away across the lake 
 and the bird chorus ceases, her little hand steals into 
 mine and with the whispering voices of the pines comes 
 to us both the knowledge that God, in His infinite 
 mercy, has put into our hearts the " peace that passeth 
 all understanding." We have found Life. 
 
 Just one thing more. Sunday evening we had been 
 talking about the future of the kiddies and I noticed she 
 was rather quiet. In the night I was awakened by the 
 sudden tightening of the little arm around me. I asked 
 her if she couldn t sleep and she surprised me by say 
 ing, " I don t want to sleep* I m thinking." To my 
 question as to what she was thinking about she sat up 
 in the bed and after a moment said, " Bobbie, if we 
 should have a little baby of our own, could I name it? " 
 When I told her she certainly could, she asked me if I 
 could guess what she would call it. I thought for a mo 
 ment and told her I could not guess. At that, she 
 laughed the queerest, broken little laugh and, thumping 
 me ecstatically on the chest with her little doubled-up 
 fist, she said, " Bobbie, we ll call it Forever. Then 
 we ll have To-day, To-morrow and Forever." 
 
 FINIS 
 
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