MUSICAL TRAVELS 
 
 THROUGH 
 
 ENGLAND. 
 By the late JOEL COLLIER, 
 
 LICENTIATE in MUSIC. 
 WITH AN 
 
 appendix: 
 
 containing 
 an Authentic Account 
 
 of THE 
 
 AUTHOR'S last ILLNESS and DEATH. 
 
 B Y 
 NAT. COLLIER, School-Matter. 
 
 Hom, 
 
 Tot irsfi Mao - ' i$lhr)<ri, $l$e SxyctQov te, xaxovTe, 
 
 Dear to the Mufe, (he gave his days to pafs, 
 With little Silver, but with (lore of Brafs ; 
 Boeotian clouds did o'er his Genius fling, 
 But gave him flcill to Fiddle, and to Sing. 
 
 THE THIRD EDITION. 
 
 LON DO N: 
 Printed for G. KEARSLY, in Fleet-ftrc«t= 
 
 M. DCC.LXXV. 
 
 9 8 2 (Price Q\vo Shillings.)
 
 ±4^*- 
 
 T^» 
 
 T O T H E 
 
 GOVERNORS and GUARDIANS 
 of the HOSPITAL for the Main- 
 tenance and Education of expofed and 
 deferted young Children. 
 
 or 
 
 h 
 
 GENTLEMEN, 
 > 
 
 a rrHIL E I was extracting the following 
 
 - Jheets from my Journal, as a Specimen of 
 
 my laborious invejiigation of the prefent 
 
 Jiate of Music in this country -, I was 
 
 fomewhat at a lofs to. whom I could with 
 
 OT mofl propriety infer lb e my work. Whether 
 
 S to Doctor Burney, as the original in- 
 
 J° <ventor of this fpecies of compofition, and the 
 
 o firjl mujical traveller of our nation, of whom 
 
 < / might Jo truly fay in his own words, 
 
 " that he has long been my magnus Apollo :" 
 
 — or to the King of Pruffia, as the greateft 
 
 Dilettante performer of the age ; who, like 
 
 another Nero, is playing his new Solfeggi 
 
 §| to the groans of the miferable Poles, and 
 
 § ruined Dantzickers. This dilemma, how- 
 
 32 A 2 ever. 
 
 301290
 
 ever, was at an end, as foon as I learnt 
 that Dr. Burney, and Signor Giardini, 
 bad, under your authority, and in imita- 
 tion of the Italian confcvatorrios, juft 
 founded afchool for mufic in the Found- 
 ling Hospital, where deferted orphans, 
 inftead of being placed out to trades and 
 fervices, in which they can have no opportu- 
 nity of making any rioife in the world, are, 
 in future, to be trained to harmony from 
 their infancy, and conftantly employed in 
 the ftudy of the fcience of found, till in pro- 
 cefs of time they take their regular degrees 
 in mufc, and fill all our public or chef tr as 
 with Engli/h Giardinis and Baflardinis 
 dette Inglifene. When I was inform- 
 ed of this important event, I hailed the 
 happy omen, the dawn of an Auguflan aera; 
 and refolved to dedicate my work to a fet 
 of gentlemen, who have Jhewn fo diftinguijhed 
 a zeal for the inter eft and advancement of 
 mufc. 
 
 Perhaps it may at firft appear a bold 
 undertaking in the guardians of expofed 
 and deferted children, who are chiefly Jup- 
 ported by parliamentary grants of public 
 money, to declare, that they cannot be main- 
 tained
 
 (y) 
 
 tained by the public for a more ufeful pur- 
 pofe, than to be taught to fing and play. 
 For men of narrow and contrasted minds \ 
 who have neither ear, nor voice, nor hand, 
 will /till imagine* that it might prove of 
 more national utility, to breed thefe adopted 
 children of the public, to Hufba?tdry, Na- 
 vigation, &c. the objects of their original 
 deftination ; than to convert one of the no- 
 bleft of our public charities into a nurfery 
 for the fupply of mufical performers at our 
 Theatres, gardens, and hops. — But this is 
 a vulgar prejudice. The improvement of 
 the fine arts ought to be the fir ft object of 
 public attention in an age of luxury, peace, 
 and plenty, like the prefent. When we 
 have rivalled the Italians in mufic, it will 
 be time enough to think of our Navy, and 
 our Agriculture. We have already (to 
 our fhame be it fpokenj more failors than 
 fingers, and better farmers than fiddlers. 
 But as I take this circumfiance to arife en- 
 tirely fro?n the different degree of encourage- 
 ment thefe occupations have hitherto received; 
 I do not defpair of feeing the reverfe take 
 place, when gentlemen of your rank deign 
 to fl and forward, and by the influence and 
 
 jdnttion
 
 (vi) 
 
 fanction of their example, correal the errors 
 of the vulgar. Should any obftacle arije 
 to impede the immediate execution of your 
 plan, jrom fome ob/olete but unrepealed 
 parliamentary rejlriftions, doubtlefs the fame 
 legiflators who fo readily expended the pub" 
 lie money in the purchafe of Sir William 
 Hamilton's collection of antique vafes, and 
 E trufcan rarities, and enacled a lottery for 
 toys, will repeal any former act which may 
 (land in your way ; and as they muft rejoice 
 in a frejh opportunity of difplaying their 
 fne tafie and love of the arts, I am not 
 without hope that the firfl act of this pre- 
 fent feflion will be in tit led An Ad for in- 
 itituting a mufical academy in the Found- 
 ling-Hofpitaf, and for raifing a competent 
 ium for the purchafe of the bell: Cremonar, 
 and other inftruments which can be pro- 
 cured on the continent, for the fervicc 
 thereof. This would be opening the new 
 parliament with an eclat that would aflo- 
 nijh all Europe, and make the King of 
 Pfuflia, and all the fiddling Electors of 
 Germany die with envy. 1 have only to 
 add, gentlemen, that if upon a perufal of 
 the folk wing fleets, you fiould find, as I 
 
 am
 
 ( V" ) 
 
 am perfuaded you will, that my travels are 
 alfo * infome meafure t a matter of national 
 concern ; / hope you 'will be kind enough to 
 
 fecond my intended application to the. Hoifk 
 cf Commons, that the charges of my future 
 expeditions may be defrayed at the pubiie 
 expence. 'This may be done by a very jhori 
 claufe in the fame aB ; and as it will en- 
 able me to purfue my enquiries with greater 
 
 fpirit and credit, will lay a lafling obliga- 
 tion upon, 
 
 Gentlemen, 
 Tour very obedient, 
 
 and devoted humble Servant \ 
 
 JOEL COLLIER. 
 
 * — " He was the firll who feemed to thiak ray Journey 
 **_ was, in fame meafure, a matter of national concern." 
 
 TOUE THB.OVGH GfiiMAljy, SiC.
 
 Speedily will be publijhed 9 
 
 An Enquiry into the Present State 
 O F T H E 
 
 MUSIC of the SPHERES. 
 
 By JOEL COLLIER, Licentiate in Mufic. 
 
 A'via Fieri dum per ago loca nullius ante < 
 
 Tritafo/o. LVCK. 
 
 Into the bea-v'n of heanS'ns 1 have prefumd, 
 
 An earthly guej?, and ftol'n empyrean tunes. Milt. 
 
 t^ Many Superficial critics having been pleafed to 
 treat the notion of a celeftial orcheftra with the contempt 
 due to the projectors of a philosopher's ftone, a per- 
 petual motion, or a lottery calculation, the author 
 begs leave to aflure the connocenti that he has not pro- 
 ceeded in his enquiries without funkient data. He has 
 made very accurate obfervations upon the found of 
 thunder, confidered as the thorough-bafs of '* all 
 u heaven's harmonies." He has likevvife ftudied and 
 compared the different motions of the planets in their 
 periodical country-dances and cotillons j as defcribed 
 by the orrery. He appeals therefore as well to Doctors 
 as Under-graduates in the pj ifeflion, whether it is not 
 poffible even for " mufidans of this nether world" to 
 afcertain the meafure of a dance by the motions of the 
 performers? — And when once the thorough-oafs of a 
 concert is known, to find out the other parts of it by 
 analogy ?
 
 MUSICAL TRAVELS, &c. 
 
 1WAS born in the Pariili of Gotham* 
 in the county of 'Nottingham : my father 
 was a fawyer, and my mother had, for 
 many years before her marriage, cried 
 oyfters and Newcaflle-ialmon about the 
 ftreets of London. Neither of them are 
 faid to have been remarkable for their 
 vocal or inftrumental talents. My mother's 
 voice was, indeed, exceedingly fhrill and 
 dhTonant, as I have been credibly in- 
 formed by the neighbours , however, I 
 was no fooner born than I gave proofs of 
 B uncom-
 
 [2] 
 
 uncommon mufical propensities. I entered 
 the world, finging, inftead of crying ; at 
 lead, my £}uali was truly melodious, and 
 rayilhtd the ears of the midwife - y tho', 
 I muft confeis, the envious o'd hag of a 
 nurfe did pretend that my mother and 
 Mrs. Midnight miftook the origin of the 
 wild notes 1 uttered as foon as I faw 
 the light ; and, infilling that they only 
 denoted the wind-cholic, immediately 
 dienched me with a large dofe of rhubarb : 
 however, (he has iince candidly owned, 
 that the eaiily fang me to fleep whenever 
 I was peevifh, and that even by means of 
 jRich fimple melody as Jack Sprat, or hey 
 diddle diddle ', the cat and the fiddle, A 
 harfh and menacing recitative would as 
 effectually deter me from a naughty trick, 
 as a good whipping. The found of a 
 drum, or any other martial muflc, had 
 fuch an immediate effect upon my nerves, 
 that I was always obliged to be turned 
 dry before the piece was half over/ The 
 famous March in Saul is too powerful for. 
 
 me.
 
 [3] 
 
 tne even at this day, tho' I ean Hand any 
 other, without being ofFenfive. Indeed, 
 I 2m fo well convinced of the connection 
 between the found and the fenfe in ail 
 good mufic, that I will venture to pre- 
 scribe Handel's < voater-piece i and Water 
 parted from the fea, as Specifics for a 
 ftrangury. There is great truth in what 
 Sbakejpeare fays of the bagpipe ; and I 
 have obferved that a jockey always 
 whittles to his horfe upon thefe occafions, 
 Which never fails to produce great effects* 
 tho' the performer 'want mouth ever fo 
 much. 
 
 One of the firfl circumdances I myfelf 
 can recollect in my early years, was the 
 great pleafure I took in hearing a blind 
 boy play tunes on a blaaaer of air prefs'd 
 between a bow-flick and its firing. The 
 Jew's-harp next engaged my attention j 
 and afterwards the bag-pipe, barrel-organ 
 and balloon. Indeed I do remember 
 having been told by my Grandmother, 
 that whilft I was yet in coats, I took vaffc 
 B 2 delighC
 
 delight in pinching the tails of the Par- 
 Ton's litter of pigs, and would liften to 
 their various notes and tones from the f 
 fharp of the whine of the leaft of the fa- 
 mily, quite down to the b flat grunt of 
 the old boar himfelf. This, with my 
 attention to my coral and bells, and 
 rattle, finging thro' a comb and brown 
 paper, together with the great expertnefs 
 I afterwards fhew'd in making whiflles of 
 reeds, and the recent bark of fycamore 
 twigs, made the oldeft people of the parifli 
 foretel, that I mould one day or other 
 become a great and celebrated Mufician. 
 
 My tafte for the filler art of mufic, 
 Poetry, was likewife, as I am inform'd, 
 obferved very early in my childhood ; as 
 I always held my mouth wide open, when 
 the Pfalm was fung at our Parifh-Church ; 
 and foon was able to repeat without book 
 a great part of Slembold and Hopkins* 
 excellent verflon of that great Diletta?jte 
 performer on the harp, — King Davia's 
 
 pieces. 
 
 Having
 
 1 5] 
 
 Having been well inform'd that the 
 infancy, and indeed the riper years of the 
 great Doctor Burney paffed in much the 
 fame manner, and with fimilar expecta- 
 tions from all the old ladies of his ac- 
 quaintance j and having obferved with 
 what eclat, and indeed univerfal approba- 
 tion of all people of tafte, his ingenious 
 account of his travels has been received, 
 I conceived a delign of following fo illuf- 
 trious an example, and travelling through 
 the dominions of England, Scotland and 
 Ireland, with the town of Berwick upon 
 Tweed, to give the world a true ftate of 
 the mufical improvement and progreilion 
 in thefe kingdoms j and hope I may flatter 
 myfelf, that the Dr. himfelf will applaud 
 my undertaking, and confider it as a pro- 
 per fupplement to his elaborate work. 
 
 Before I fet forward on my travels, I 
 chofe to change my name from Collier to 
 Coglioni or Collioni, as more euphonious ; 
 and on the firft of April, having torn 
 myfelf from the arms of my weeping 
 
 wife,
 
 [6] 
 
 Wife, and four fmall children, I put my 
 balloon into a green-bag, and flung it 
 acrofs my moulders ; my large violoncello 
 was laid on my knee as I fat in the 
 waggon, and my clothes, with a bottle of 
 brandy and fome bifcuits, were pack'd up 
 in the viol-cafe. As I was neither pa- 
 tronized, nor franked on my tour by any 
 Dilettante Lord % I muft confefs the low 
 ftate of my circumftances, and the poverty 
 in which I had left my family, caft a damp 
 on my fpirits ; but this was always foon 
 diffipated by an air on the violoncello, 
 and by recollecting the great advantage 
 my travels, to enquire into the ftate of 
 mufic in this ifland, would be of to mv 
 dear native country, and the fame and 
 glory I mould acquire by the publication 
 
 * Since my firft edition a noble Lord in adminiftra- 
 tion, and the beft kettle-drummer in Europe, has fur- 
 niflied me with recommendatory letters to molt of the 
 cuftom-houfe officers and excifemen in the kingdom, fj 
 that I cannot fail hereafter of bekig introduced into th« 
 btft company wherever I ^o. 
 
 Of
 
 [7] 
 
 of my work, perhaps only inferior to that 
 of the great Dr. B. himfelf. 
 
 InfpiiM by tafte, o'er lands and Teas he flew, 
 Europe he faw, and Europe faw him too. 
 Thro' lands of finding, or of da. icing flaves, 
 Love-ecViing wocds, and lute-refounding waves. 
 O while along the ftream < f time, that name 
 Expanded flies, and gathers all its fame; 
 Sav, (hall my little bark attendant fail, 
 Purfue the triumph and partake -the gale? — 
 
 Pope. 
 
 Thus occafionally confoling myfelf, the 
 aggon 
 city of 
 
 waggon arrived at the famous and ancient 
 
 LINCOLN. 
 
 My firfl vifit was to a young lady of 
 high mufical acquirements. She received 
 me with a mod bewitching air, which 
 {he fang to her guittar, for (he ha4 
 heard of my fame at Gotham, and 
 was not unapprized of my ambulatory 
 defign : her name was originally Ferni- 
 bough, but me had long dropped thq 
 hough at the end of it, as gothic and 
 inharmonious. Thus me faluted me : 
 
 M Dear
 
 [8] 
 
 ** Dear Collioni, Collioni, 
 
 " Dear, dear, dear, Collioni ; 
 
 " Happy, happy, happy Gotham ; 
 
 <c Gotham, Gotham, happy Gotham." 
 
 I could only bow and fmile in anfwer 
 to this compliment, (which, indeed, tho' 
 very elegant, I did not conceive was above 
 my ments,) as I had not an extempore 
 Ion net ready made to' anfwer it. 
 
 Then taking my hand with a delightful 
 air, ihe introduced me to Dr. Dilettanti, 
 a moft illuftrious timeift; he fat muring 
 and beating the floor with his foot, and 
 took hold of, and quitted my hand in the 
 lime portion of time, which he marked 
 l.-y the pulfations cf his foot. 
 
 " Excufe, faid he, illuftrious Collioni, 
 11 the meafured mode of my geftures in 
 iC faluting you ; but I have long ac~ 
 u cuftomed myfelf to meafurc out the parts 
 ic of time on a variety of founding inflru- 
 " merits, and have at length introduced it 
 " into all the motions of my body. At 
 " my houfe, fir, you will learn to cut your 
 
 " meat,
 
 [9] 
 
 " meat, and move your jaws at dinner in 
 " common or triple time, according to 
 <( the inftruments that accompany our 
 
 " meals. By dealing the cards at qua- 
 
 •f drille, how eafy it is to judge if the 
 " party has an ear! — yonder gentleman 
 " who comes towards our window, fee how 
 4t he fwings his arms in exact time, true as 
 " the pendulum of a clock. I can allure 
 " you, fir, he is great on the violoncello. 
 " My dear wife fays, the conjugal endear- 
 " ments are dcubly improved, if a hufband 
 " is a good timeift. She approves of 
 u triple time ; and on this account I for- 
 " merly had a fervant who play'd in our 
 " bed-room every Sunday night, 'till we 
 u flept. And fince I became one of the 
 " cajlrati) I have acquired the habit of 
 " making water at intervals in the trueft 
 * f time like a pigj and may fay, I be- 
 " lieve, that for exadnefs of ear, I am not 
 " exceeded by any modern mufcian." 
 
 This great man then took up a Jew's 
 harp that lay by him, and with a t-wing, 
 
 C twang,
 
 [ IO ] 
 
 twang, tivcng, moving his finger acrofs 
 his lips, and making faces in the mod 
 exact time, he fetched out fuch prurient 
 harmony, as ravifhed my very foul, and 
 threw fweet Mifs Ferni into the mod 
 agreeable co'nvulfions. 
 
 During our dinner, two of the Doctor's 
 fervants entertained us with many excel- 
 lent and folemn pieces of mufic." Indeed, 
 I was fo folicitous to cut and eat my meat 
 in true time, as I thought my character 
 depended on this circumrtance, that I 
 
 j 
 
 unfortunately cut my lips, and mould 
 certainly have fainted at the fight of my 
 own blood, had I not been roufed by a 
 warlike lymphony on the bag-pipe. Sweet 
 Mifs Ferni too gave fo earned an atten- 
 tion to the fiddlers, that on their fud- 
 denly changing the tune from Lump of 
 Pudding, to the Roajl Beef of old Eng- 
 land) flie fwallowed the ivory Ipoon out 
 of a muftard pot •, which, as it duck 
 acrofs her throat, I am fure mud have, 
 given that excellent young lady exquifite 
 
 pain.
 
 jj II ] 
 
 pain. Yet did (he cough, and even vo- 
 mit repeatedly in mod accurate time, and 
 fcreamed from fear moil: harmonioufly 
 through the whole garnii 1- , from a to g 
 inclusively, long after the .fpoon was re- 
 ftored to its place. 
 
 SHEFFIELD. 
 
 Dr. Dilettanti was fo kind as to make 
 me a prefent of a place in tne ftage coach 
 to Sheffield in my intended journey to 
 York, that I might inquire into the pre- 
 fent (late of the mufic of that city and 
 cathedral. Amongfr. the other paflen- 
 gers, was a gentleman of a grave amedj 
 who, fro;n his not attending to me at 
 the inn, when I play'd a mod inchanting 
 folo on my hautboy, appear'd at firft to 
 have no ears, but on further converfation 
 I found him a mod agreeable compa- 
 nion. He cry'd up the ingenuity of the 
 Sheffield manufacturers, and told me of a 
 new mufical inftrument, more compli- 
 C 2 cate,
 
 [ A 1 
 
 cate, he thought, and louder than an 
 organ. The next day he was fo good as 
 to accompany me to hear this new or- 
 ganic inftrument. The firft thing I could 
 obferve was a number of iron pipes, and 
 a water wheel to work the large bellows, 
 like that organ of which there is a print 
 in Kemplers Mufurgia. When the wheel 
 was in motion, I obferved many of the 
 notes higher than in any organ I had ever 
 heard ; and was told, that thefe ingeni- 
 ous people had found the only way to 
 produce thefe was, by boring gun-barrels : 
 to thefe a fymphony was added by files 
 which cut the teeth of large faws, and 
 the mellow tones of two great hammers, 
 which at intervals (truck on large pieces 
 of red-hot iron, made a more tremendous 
 and affecting concert, than all the min- 
 gled whittles of Cecilia's organ. 
 
 I paid a (hilling to the performers of 
 this (lupendous piece of harmony, at 
 which my grave companion feem'd much 
 delighted, and liften'd to my remarks 
 
 upon
 
 [ >3 ] 
 
 upon It with the greateft avidity and 
 approbation ; tC Signor Collioni" fays he, 
 " your obfervations inchant me ; the moft 
 <c antient mufic, as you well explain, was 
 " made by hammers beating upon anvils, 
 * c as invented by Tubal Cain, and prao 
 " tifed in the mop of his fucceflbr, Vul- 
 " can . t h o Sat urn is thought to have 
 tf been the firit of the cajirati.—- But this 
 " invention was not compleat, Signor 
 • M Collioni, it was not compleat, till this 
 lt excellent treble made by boring guns, 
 <c and cutting faws was added. — It is now 
 u become the true celebrated, long- loft, 
 " and long-deplored chromatic of the 
 " antients." 
 
 u Doubtlefs you are right in your con- 
 ** lectures, reply'd I, Mr. Hummings y 
 ** (for that was my kind companion's 
 " name) it was mulic like this, which 
 li could difenchant the moon, and make 
 " trees and flones dance allemands. 
 ** Would you believe it, Mr. Humming*, 
 " I myielf once cured a girl bit with a 
 
 " tarantula
 
 [ 1+] 
 
 " tarantula with this fmiple balloon }—Truf, 
 " turrut, pkuby pbub, bujh, ! — This was 
 M the air, Mr. Hammings, you {hall hear 
 '* it — trut, titrrut, pbub, pbub, bufi : — 
 **• the girl rifing from her melancholy at- 
 tl titude, danced till the fvveat ran down 
 " to the hem of her fcarlet petticoat; 
 /" and after I had prefented her with a 
 < { bit of money, became fo lively as to 
 ." ftrip herfelf like King David, and dance 
 " like a Heinel. I can affure you, Mr. 
 * l Hummings, I drove away the evil fpirit, 
 " and cured her of her tarantulifm that 
 M night. 
 
 " Not unlike this, is a fact recorded 
 " by the divine Homer. Ulyjfes had a 
 " large rent made in his thigh by a wild 
 
 " boar, a terrible animal, Mr. Hum- 
 
 " mings : — well, and what happen'd ? — 
 " why, he only fent for the town-waits, 
 " and after the firft bar or two had been 
 " play'd, the blood ftopp'd ; and as the 
 " fiddles proceeded, the wound con- 
 " traded, and by the time they had 
 
 " fmifhed
 
 [ i5l 
 
 u finimed Alley Croaker, Moggy Lander 
 " and A lovely Lafs to aFryar came, (which 
 " are all antient Greek tunes, fir,) the 
 lt wound was quite healed, and the 
 " cicatrix as fmooth as the back of my* 
 " hand." 
 
 During this con ver fa tion, an unfortunate 
 accident had happened near us. One of 
 the performers on the hammer and iron 
 had broken bis leg .by a fall. A furgeoa 
 was fent for with ail difpatch, but Mr. 
 Humming,: advifed--me to try the effect 
 of the balloon upon him -, and point- 
 ing to me, told the people that they need 
 feek no farther, for I was fuperior to any 
 furgeon. Upon this, untying, my green 
 bag, the man cry'd out, he begg'd no 
 instruments might be ufed. " No, (fays. 
 ',* I,) none but a mufical mftrument." So 
 I began with a gentle bjaft,. and played^ 
 and fung alternately, — u You'll ne'er go 
 " the fooner to the Stygian Ferry. Let not 
 "your noble fpirits be cajl dmvnylut drwk, 
 i( drink, drink, and be merry."- — •« G\\& 
 
 " me
 
 [ 16 ] 
 
 " me fome ale, (cries the wounded man) 
 " I like this Doclor." Afterward I blew 
 till I nearly had burft my cheeks, and 
 then fung, If 'tis joy to wound a /over; but 
 the bone would not knit : — indeed I could 
 not make it knit at all — and I don't believe, 
 as Mr. Humming* faid, that if Dr. Bumey 
 himfelf, and all the muficians of Britain, 
 fiddlers, violoncellos, double violoncellos, 
 trumpets, and trumpet- marinos, together 
 with every Macfiro di Capella in Italy 
 had been prefent, they could have made 
 this bone knit — which, I fuppofe, was 
 owing to the fcorbutic habit of body of 
 the patient ; indeed, Mr. Humnwigs at- 
 tributed it entirely to this caufe ; for the 
 blood flopped before I had finimed the 
 firft fong. 
 
 Nothing worthy remark occur'd in my 
 journey from hence to 
 
 YORK, 
 
 But at my approach to this celebrated 
 city, my heart leapt for joy as foon as I 
 
 beheld
 
 ( '/] 
 
 beheld the towers of the cathedral ; here, 
 fays I, I mall be much carefled and fol- 
 lowed, I dare believe, as there are fo 
 many of the Dilettanti who refide within 
 the precincts of this antient feat of mufic 
 and fuperflition. This letter, fays I, is 
 of ineftimable value, taking it from my 
 pocket, and reading the direction, M For 
 " that incomparable Mufician and Anti- 
 '* quarian, Dr. Hiccup;" doubtlefs he 
 will pay great attention to his friends at 
 Lincoln, who have honoured me with it. 
 The footman mewed me into an elegant 
 parlour, where there was a clock with 
 chimes, fo contrived that St. Peter, St. 
 Paul, and the Virgin Mary were (ttn. 
 ftriking alternately on the bells, and by 
 a fweet trio announced every hour of the 
 day. Dr. Hiccup was, it feems, at his 
 devotions, which he always performed in 
 imitation of that great and devout mufi- 
 cian, King David. He was a tall, bony 
 figure, with a fwarthy complexion, and 
 blear eyes. As I fat down he took no 
 
 D notice
 
 [ i8 3 
 
 notice of me, but continued dancing with 
 a harp in his hand, without his breeches, 
 and with his night-gown and fhirt tucked 
 up above his waift j and as he turned 
 himfelf this way and that, in the 
 gyrations of the dance, all the women 
 and children that were locking in through 
 the window of his parlour, giggled, and 
 made faces, and mewed variety of indc- 
 
 
 
 cent gefticulations and noifes. None of 
 thefe circumftances, however, interrupted 
 the devotions of this great man. 
 
 Never were fuch charming tunes eli- 
 cited from mortal harp, Cambrian or Eolic! 
 the dance was devotion itfelf in human 
 form ! After a little refreshment, this il- 
 Vuftrious Mufician condefcended to enter- 
 tain me with feveral interefling particu- 
 lars of the manner of his life, which I 
 begg'd leave to copy in my pocket book 
 in his prefence. 
 
 He rofe every morning, when his 
 chime-clock flruck eleven, (for, like the 
 famous Chevalier Gluck, he is too great a 
 
 genius
 
 t'.»'] 
 
 genius to rife early) and generally gaped 
 all the time his lady was putting on his 
 breeches. For breakfaft he always eat 
 rolls and butter, whether in fummer or 
 winter; and after his breakfaft paid a 
 fhort vifit to Cloacina, but allured me he 
 never ufed old mufie books on this occa- 
 iion, even in the mod: urgent necefiity. 
 He retired to reft about ten, and fcldom 
 fail'd once in a month to compliment his 
 lady for undrcfiing him. 
 
 He communicated many other particu- 
 lars to me of lefs moment, and was fo 
 obliging at length to beg I would treat 
 him with an air or two on the baffoon. 
 
 I thought this a good opportunity to 
 give him a fpecimen of my poetic talents, 
 as well as of my mufical ones, and per- 
 formed the following fong, which I com- 
 pofed at Gotham feveral years ago. 
 •* Some came in a waggon, and Tome in a cart; 
 
 And many there were that did nothing but : 
 
 Sing O rare Nottingham^ Nottingham town ! 
 Nottingham town j O rare Nottingham town !" 
 
 D 2 The
 
 [ 20 ] 
 
 The fweetnefs of the notes on my 
 balloon, an inftrument whofe tone is fo 
 like the found it was to reprefent, ravilhed 
 his ears, which he hung quite down on 
 each moulder, during the whole time of 
 my performance. 
 
 I flept this night at Dr. Hiccup's houfe, 
 and borrowed a fhirt and pair of ftockings 
 of him. At breakfaft I took an oppor- 
 tunity to tell him of the nanownefs of 
 my circumftances ; but he was fuddenly 
 feized by a rapturous fit of devotion, and 
 pulling up his night-gown to his waifl, 
 began to ling, and dance, and caper,, and 
 kick, to fuch a degree, that no one in 
 the room was fafe : I ran towards the door 
 to fave my fhins, and the Doctor riling 
 with both feet in the air like a Harlequin, 
 gave me fuch a horfe-kick on my rump, 
 fingingat the fame time the March in Sau/, 
 that I defcended into the ftreet down five 
 fleps, head foremoft, and cracked my 
 balloon in twenty places. 
 
 Six
 
 [21 ] 
 
 Six hours I attended at the door, but was 
 told by a fervant out of a window, that 
 the Dodtor was ftill performing his dance 
 of devotion ; and for aught I know, that 
 great man may dance till doom's-day, as 
 I never after could get any other anfwcr 
 at his door. 
 
 On more mature reflexion, I thought 
 this behaviour very extraordinary in a 
 brother mufician, and one to whom I was 
 fo well recommended j but I confoled 
 myfelf with confidering, that though my 
 bafibon was broken in fundry places, yet 
 I had retained the Doctor's fhirt and 
 ftockings ; and that it was very likely my 
 great prototype, Doctor Burney himfelf, 
 had frequently met with the fame treat- 
 ment, tho' his modefty had inclined him 
 to conceal it. 
 
 I wais now neceffitated to travel on 
 foot, and got that evening as far as 
 
 BEVERLEY. 
 
 Hearing the found of mufical inftru- 
 ments as I palled under, a window upon 
 
 my
 
 1**3 
 
 my entrance into this town, I enquired 
 at the door if there was a concert per- 
 forming there, and being anfwered in the 
 affirmative, I immediately produced my 
 bafs viol, and deiired to be admitted into 
 tlie orcheflra as a Dilettante performer. 
 My requefl was readily granted, and I 
 was feated with great refpect next to a 
 gentleman of the profeffion in laced 
 clothes and ruffles. Being indifferently 
 dreffed myfelf, I was refolved to make 
 amends for the inelegance of my figure, 
 by the brilliancy of my performance; but 
 no fooner had I begun to move my bow, 
 than I found the notes of my inftrument 
 perfectly overpowered by the fonorous 
 fnoring of three gentlemen behind me, 
 whom I therefore took the liberty to jog, 
 intreating them for the fake of the whole 
 company, either to keep awake, or fnore 
 in tune. They took this hint in good 
 part. " Thank you kindly, Matter Fid- 
 <*- dler," faid one of them, yawning and 
 ftretching, M I loves mufic mightily, but 
 
 " it
 
 [*3] 
 " it always puts me to fleep, like a fer- 
 N mon — Egod I fleep while the organ's 
 ** playing at Paul's." His next neigh- 
 bour faid, he hated profane organs, but 
 had no objection to riddles, nor any other 
 mufic, except drums, and Scotch tunes* 
 I wondered much at this latter exception, 
 as I knew that moft people of tafte ad- 
 mired Scotch mufic ; but I afterwards 
 found this antipathy was founded on po- 
 litical fentiments. The other gentleman 
 added, that for his part, he liked any 
 mufic, fo as he did not pay the piper.: 
 at which they all laughed. I afked them 
 if they were Dilettanti, to which one of 
 them anfwered, u No, nor macaronies ; 
 <c nor foup-meagres neither ; we are al- 
 " dermen of London, Sir j Supporters of 
 "' the Bill of Rights, and parliament- 
 " men, (two of us however, brother 
 " Braze?i and I,") — " Ay, ay, cried Mr. 
 " Brazen, and more than that, we are 
 " all colonels of the Artillery Company, 
 " governors of Bartholomew and Blue- 
 
 <£ coat
 
 [ 2 4 ] 
 
 " coat hofpitals, Aniigallicans, Wilko- 
 tl mans, Albions, Old Souls, Lumber" 
 " troopers, and Knights of the Brufi." — 
 Though I had never heard of any of 
 thefe dignities before, yet as I have an 
 innate veneration for titles of all forts, I 
 made as profound and refpectful a bow 
 to thefe noble Grangers, (grounding my 
 bafs viol at the fame time,) as Dr. Burney 
 could have done to any of the Electors of 
 Germany. Indeed I was much prepof- 
 feffed in favour of their rank and quality, 
 by the broad lace they wore on their 
 fcarlet waiftcoats, and the gold chain 
 which encircled the neck of one of them. 
 I made no doubt therefore of their vera- 
 city, when they allured me that the 
 titles they had enumerated were more 
 honourable than any his majefty could 
 bellow. They feemed much pleafed with 
 the reflect I fhewed them, and having 
 their pockets fluffed with melons and 
 pine-apples, defired me to eat fome, which 
 at iirft I declined, fearing to rob them of 
 
 fuch
 
 fuch excellent fruit ; but Mr. Brazen 
 preffing me to accept it, and alluring 
 me, I could not rob tbe?n, for it coft them. 
 nothing; I could not withftand fo much 
 politenefs, and put a melon and a pine- 
 apple into my pocket for my fupper. 
 The aldermen foon devoured the reft, 
 and then protefting they could not keep 
 awake any longer than they were eating, 
 politely retired to the further corner of 
 the room to refrefh themfclves with an- 
 other nap, while I returned to my bafs 
 viol, and being that evening in fine fpirits> 
 and very enthufiaftic, acquired great ap- 
 plaufe and received many thanks for my 
 performance. 
 
 Early the next morning I fet forward 
 in my way to Durham, whither I was 
 neceffitated to travel on footj and by 
 playing the Black *Joke, Murdoch O'Bla- 
 ney, and other fentimental tunes to the 
 girls of the villages I pafs'd through, pro- 
 cured food and lodging, which my brother 
 of the String had refufed me. 
 
 E t> A R-
 
 [26] 
 
 DARLINGTON. 
 Here I waited on the Maeftro di Ca- 
 pella, or clerk of the parifh, who I may 
 alTert has the fined nafality, or nofe-in- 
 tonation, that ever was given to a Pfalm 
 tune, and the thorough bafe of his Amen, 
 was quite aftonifhing. 
 
 I" had got fome wax'd thread at the 
 cobler's, and mended my bafloon, which 
 was fo well received at this church, that 
 the 'Squire's lady invited me to Dinner. 
 " Good Signior Collioni, fays fhe, you 
 " have charmed, you have enraptured 
 * c me ; pray, has the wind which efcapes 
 " out at the end of your inftrument any 
 
 " fmell ?" (l fmell ! fays I, no, madam, 
 
 " not unlefs I eat onions." At this all 
 the ladies laughed mod: extravagantly. 
 
 However, the 'Squire after dinner gave 
 me a recommendatory letter to great Mr. 
 Eccbo of Durham^ principal performer 
 belonging to that opulent cathedral ; and 
 withal told me, that Mr. Eccba had fo 
 
 long
 
 long apply'd hirafelf to mufical note?, 
 that he had utterly forgot all articulate 
 language. That he preached, converfed, 
 prayed, fcolded, fwore, and talk'd bawdy, 
 all on the fiddle, without uttering a word, 
 or even making a fign with his fingers. — 
 
 DURHAM, 
 
 At my introduction to Mr. Eccho, I 
 began a long complimental fpeech, which 
 I had been fome time ftudying. — " Moft 
 i( refpeclable fir, whofe foul is a foul of 
 <l harmony, and whofe body is like a bafe- 
 « viol." — Here he fnatch'd up his fiddle 
 with an air of great complacency, and 
 drawing the bo w gently over the firings faid, 
 as plain as if he had fpoke it, " O, fir, 
 ** your moft obedient j you compliment 
 " me indeed, fir, too much." I then 
 told him how long a journey I had per- 
 formed on foot, and that the dufty roads 
 had made me dry. He fnatched up his 
 violin, and befo:e he had play'd above a 
 E 2 bar
 
 bar or two, in came a footman with a 
 jug of delicate ale. Next I mentioned 
 modeftly my having eat nothing all day.-*— 
 " Trut, trut, bijh i bafh, bujh," cries the 
 fiddle — M Indeed, fir, replies I, I don't 
 
 «* faft for the fake of devotion'* " />, 
 
 " er 9 ar, querr, quorr, quurr"< — quoth the 
 fiddle, and in came a furloin of cold beef, 
 and muftard and bread, in the twinkling 
 of a fiddle-flick. 
 
 " This, gentlemen," quoth I, " is 
 *' greater than Orpheus and Eurydice, or 
 " the Serpent ; — no, no, Orpheus could 
 « c do no fuch things as thefe — ale and 
 <f beef were a note or two above his 
 « fiddle!" 
 
 Soon after came in Mr. Eccbos wife, 
 with a " what the deuce are you about, 
 <c bringing beggars into my houfe ?"— -Mr. 
 Eccho catched up the fiddle, and fuch a 
 jar did I never hear — " arg, erg, urg, gir, 
 cc S or ' g ur "" — I warrant you madam be- 
 came as dumb as if £he were inchanted. 
 
 Indeed,
 
 1 29] 
 
 Indeed, hearing this lady give me the 
 opprobrious name of beggar, I took care 
 to ihew the diamond ring on my little 
 finger, which I always wear when I per- 
 form in public, which might give her a 
 better opinion of me, tho 1 indeed it is 
 only a Briftol ftone, and that I pay a 
 filver-fmith two pence a week for the ufe 
 of i I would at the fame time have hired 
 a laced waiftcoat, but was aiked a mil- 
 ling a week, tho' I am fure the lace had 
 been twice turn'd ; yet, if I had hired it, 
 I dare fay Dr. Hiccup would fcarcely have 
 kicked me out of his houfe. 
 
 CARLISLE. 
 
 At Carlijle I waited on Lord Diddle- 
 doodle with proper mufical credentials : 
 he was feated oppofite to a glafs practifing 
 fomcfolfeggi on the flute, and attending 
 to the gracefulnefs of his own attitude. 
 " Mod illuftrious Peer, fays I," (making 
 a bow to the very ground) <c your noble 
 f( anceftors gain'd victory in the hardy 
 
 " fields
 
 [ 3«] 
 
 " fields of war, but you by mufic civilize 
 cc and harmonize mankind; with what 
 " rapture muft they lean from their flarry 
 " manfions to hear and fee vour immortal 
 lt powers of harmony and grace !" I 
 ftopp'd, and on looking up, found that 
 his lordfhip had not attended to a word I 
 had fpoken, nor feemed confcious of my 
 being in the room ; — but as great ge- 
 niufes are often abfent, I repeated my 
 compliment in a louder voice, and ap- 
 proaching, was amazed to find that his 
 lordfhip was quite deaf, deaf as a port j 
 and yet he executed the moft difficult 
 paffages in mufic with the greateft grace 
 and manner, — better, I dare fay, than if 
 he had heard his own performance. 
 
 When his lordfhip had perceived me, 
 he approached me with the utmoft polite- 
 nefs, and made figns for me to fit down, 
 and accompany him upon the baflbon, 
 which I did 'till dinner-time. After din- 
 ner, I intreated my lady Diddk-doodle to 
 prevail upon the noble lord to fing, which 
 
 he
 
 [ 3i ] 
 
 he did -, but I was rather difappointed at 
 finding that his voice was only pack- 
 thread *. However, " he fang in tune ; 
 " had a {hake, and was far from vulgar." 
 My lady afterwards made ample amends 
 by her own finging. Her voice was a 
 fkane of filk, without the leaft mixture of 
 worfted, She underftood all the lights 
 and {hades of melody. Her back-ground; 
 her mezzotints; and her clare-obfcure 
 were charming, " and there was fuch a 
 " roundncfs and dignity in all the tones, 
 " that every thing {lie did became in- 
 <c terefting." 
 
 It was in this part of England^ I paid 
 a vifit to Mi\J£uaver, with recommen- 
 datory letters frornlord Diddle- doodle -, I 
 found him to be a gentleman of confider- 
 able and original mulical genius ; his tafte 
 was pure, chafte, refined ; and his exe- 
 cution, particularly upon the Jew's harp, 
 was exquifite ; he executed with great 
 
 * " His voice is now but a thread.'* 
 
 Tour thro' Italy. 
 
 tafte
 
 [3* ] 
 
 tafle and powers, Nancy Dawfon, Lilla* 
 bullero, and Old Sir Simon the king. After 
 dinner he explained to me his fyftem for 
 the improvement of found, which was at 
 once fublime and original. u The Author 
 <c of Nature," faid he, <( has with an equal 
 * c and judicious hand diftributed his gifts 
 
 * among his creatures : to one he has given 
 
 • ftrength ; to another, dexterity -, to a 
 a third, perfeverance ; in the fame man- 
 " ner has he divided the agreeable quali- 
 €t ficationsj and the courtier and the fine 
 " gentleman need not blufh to receive in- 
 *' ftru&ion from the fpaniel and the 
 <l monkey— -Now as the philofopher mo- 
 *' dels his life upon an imitation of the 
 (f virtues of animals, the true connoiffcur 
 <c will do the fame"— -there he ftopp'd, 
 as if afraid to explain himfelf; but I told 
 him, that there was fomethi ng fo original 
 and maflerly in his conceptions that I 
 mould never be eafy, until he communis 
 cated them. Upon which, after a fhort 
 paufe, he feized me by the hand, and 
 
 grafping
 
 [33] 
 
 grafping it with affection, " fince, faid 
 " he, I find in you the true fpirit of your 
 " fcience, I will no longer maintain any 
 " referve. Know then, that after a pro- 
 " found meditation upon the fublimeft 
 *' myfteries of our profeffion, I have traced 
 " them up to the creation" — " how ! faid 
 '.* I, with amaze, I thought that the greater!: 
 " Antiquarians had never brought them 
 •' with any certainty higher than the De- 
 " luge." I knew," faid he, " I mould fur- 
 u prize you ; but it is certain that Adam, 
 " among his other qualifications, pofTeffed 
 " that of exprerling every found that ever 
 '* has or can be uttered ; hence he could 
 •f not only fing bafs and treble, counter- 
 *' tenor, and foprano to admiration ; but 
 <( alfo fqueak like a pig, croak like a frog, 
 M bellow like a bull, whinny like a colt, 
 *' and bray like an afs. 
 
 " It is true, that the greater part of thefe 
 
 " faculties was taken from him at the 
 
 " Fall, and the reft have been very fpa- 
 
 11 ringly bellowed upon his defcendants; 
 
 F •« from
 
 [ 3+] 
 tl from hence arifes that degeneracy into 
 *' which mufic has fallen in the modern 
 " ages of the world : that fublime fci- 
 " ence, inftead of exprefling the natural 
 " paffions, by a' judicious imitation of the 
 tf tones of beads ; inflead of roaring out 
 " the lion's rage ; bellowing the jealouiy 
 " of the bull, or chanting the amorous 
 " paffions of the nightingale, is become a 
 * c meer unmeaning jargon, without force 
 " or energy, and its proferTors and ad- 
 u mirers are dwindled into the moft con- 
 u temptible part of the creation ; quaver- 
 <e ing eunuchs, unfeeling proflitutes, in— 
 *' fignificant blockheads, wretches with- 
 *• out head, or heart, or fentiment, or 
 *' enthufiafm." — I was fenfible that there 
 was much truth in this gentleman's ob- 
 fervations, though I could not afTent to 
 every thing he faid againfl our modern 
 virtuofi, among whom envy itfelf mufl 
 acknowledge there are fome accomplished 
 characters; and the eighteenth century 
 will always glory in having produced a 
 
 King
 
 [3S] 
 King of Prussia, an Elector of Mu- 
 nich, a Tenducci, and a Burney. 
 
 4< But," faid my friend, " perceiving 
 * c this to be the lamentable flate of thincs, 
 *.' I have with true and indefatigable in- 
 c ' duftry applied myfelf to the reftoration 
 " of the fir ft Adamkical harmony ; I have 
 " felected the mod admirable notes from 
 " every animal, and have already acquired 
 " a tolerable proficiency in bellowing, 
 " braying and grunting : I indeed found 
 '* that thtfqudll of the peacock was two 
 " notes too high for my voice; but in re- 
 tc turn, if I may fay fo without vanity, I 
 u can infpire every hen and gofling in the 
 " yard with tender fentiments. I have, 
 " befides this, collected every great natu- 
 " ral genius that I have found among the 
 " brute creation -, I have a young he-afs 
 U. who has an admirable bafs ; a young 
 " hog, (a caftratoj who lings a counter- 
 " tenGf; and a dear little cat, whom, in 
 " honour of that illuftrious name, fo ce- 
 " lebrated in the Doctor's tour, I call 
 
 F 2 " Min-
 
 [36 1 
 " Mingotti, who has an excellent tre- 
 " ble, and a furprifing portamento. But 
 " why wafte I time in defcription ? you 
 " mail fee my fcholars, and my Jc hoi a" 
 
 Saying this, he led me to a large build- 
 ing, which refembled a barn, where we 
 were received by the Maejiro dl Capella, 
 who was an old and deaf huntfman. The 
 fir ft object I beheld was a beautiful fhe- 
 afs in a Mecklinburgh night-cap, who 
 brayed a folo. Her voice was one of the 
 cleared, fweeteft, trueft, moft powerful 
 and extenfive I ever heard. " In com- 
 * pafs, it is from B b on the fifth fpace 
 " in the bafs, to D in alt, full fteady and 
 " equal j her make was good, and her 
 " portamento admirably free from the 
 * ( nofe, mouth, or throat." We were 
 then entertained by a duet between the 
 Mingotti, and a large raven, in the chro- 
 matic, which grew more fpirited by my 
 friend's pulling a bone out of his pocket, 
 which he threw to the performers, and 
 thereby produced a conflicta. I then told 
 
 my
 
 t 37] 
 
 my friend that I would willingly hear the 
 £(iftrato> but he anfwered he was afraid 
 the Caffarelli could not oblige me in that 
 particular, as he had unfortunately taken 
 cold by rolling too long upon an unaircd 
 dunghill, and was then actually in a courfe 
 of fugar-candy. Hov/ever, he threw a 
 turnip to encourage him to exert himfelf, 
 and I could judge from what I then 
 heard, that he is likely to become a moft 
 marlerly performer. 
 
 My friend then tied firings to the ears 
 of fix young greyhound puppies, which 
 he twitch'd with fo much art and judg- 
 ment by means of a pully, that I think 
 the effect was equal to any viol di gamba 
 I ever heard, not excepting that of the 
 Elector of Munich. 
 
 He then fufpended two cats by the 
 tails, which he contrived mould alter- 
 nately bob upon the nofes of two fucking 
 pigs, who were tied by the hind-legs to 
 the floor: though I obferved thef'e per- 
 formers were fomewhat embarraffed in 
 
 their 
 
 301290
 
 [38 ] 
 
 their manner, yet I could not but ac- 
 knowledge the effect was quite original 
 and truly theatric. 
 
 Mr. Quaver then told me that he had 
 formerly introduced fome of thefe per- 
 formers to fing at a concert, but without 
 fuccefs : and he made great complaints of 
 the unpolitenefs of the audience, which 
 he faid could lit with patience three hours 
 to liften to the unmeaning trills of heroes 
 in hoop-petticoats, and Italian vagabonds 
 in a ftrange language, while they would 
 not bellow one half hour upon the voice 
 of nature and their brethren *. Tho' I 
 was quite ignorant of the fads he alluded 
 to, yet, like Dr. Burney, I was fo par- 
 tial to talents, wherever I found them, 
 that I could not help condoling with my 
 kind hofr. upon the occafion; and after 
 
 * •* Guadagni complains of illiberal treatment from the 
 public, who, when he fung in the Opera of Orfeo, 
 merely to oblige them and Sir W. W. without fee or re- 
 ward, hiffed him for going off the ftage when he was 
 encored, with no other defign than to return in character." 
 
 Tovr. thro' Germany. 
 
 having
 
 [39] 
 
 having bemoaned the degeneracy of the 
 times, and wiftied him fuccefs in his truly 
 original undertaking, which I promifed 
 him I would take due notice of in my 
 intended work, I fet forward on my 
 journey toward Lancajier. 
 
 That day I met with no mufical inci- 
 dent, but the next, as I walked along the 
 high road, I thought I heard a tinkling 
 of bells, not fo loud as thofe of horfes in 
 a team, but much more harmonious. I 
 took the liberty therefore of following my 
 ears, and fcrambling over a clipp'd hedge 
 found myfelf upon a fine lawn belonging 
 to a gentleman's feat, and foon perceived 
 that this mufic proceeded from tintinna- 
 bula bells fattened on the necks of a flock 
 of fheep grazing near me. Tho' I know 
 Dr. Burney treats all Carillons with fove- 
 reign contempt, I confefs I was much 
 pleafed with thefe, and taking out my 
 tablets, followed them, and pricked down 
 the tunes they played, which indeed were 
 full of pretty things. The fheep too ac- 
 companied
 
 [4° 3 
 
 compared them like " performers who 
 " had feen fome fervice," except one ram, 
 who, tho' a veteran in years, bleated the 
 thorough-bafs as much out of tune as if 
 he had juit 'lifted. As I obferved how- 
 ever that he neither wanted compafs nor 
 taite, I ran up to him, and catching hold 
 of his horns, bleated the true time into 
 his ears, which he endeavoured to imi- 
 tate with all his might, and I make no 
 doubt that I mould loon have remedied 
 the only defect I found in. this paftoral 
 band, but lo ! while I was thus engaged, 
 a rude fellow in a fuflian frock and laced 
 hat, coming behind me, feized me by 
 the collar, and almoft, throttled me, roar- 
 ing out at the fame time, " O you gal- 
 " lows fheep- dealing thief, have I caught 
 " you in the fact at laft ?" and without 
 allowing me breath to anfwer, dragged 
 me to an alcove at a little di(tance > where 
 iat a young gentleman in a fantailic Ar- 
 cadian habit, playing upon a guittar; 
 •who at our entrance reproved the feivant 
 
 for
 
 f4i ] 
 for interrupting him before he had finish- 
 ed his fold. " A fiddle-flick for foh" 
 faid the fellow, " this is no time to be 
 " flrumming of cat-gut, pray come and 
 " afiift me to take this (heep-fiealer be- 
 n fore your father and get his mittimus 
 <c figned." Indeed, replied the other, I 
 will not be disturbed by fuch trifles; and 
 immediately began finging, with infinite 
 fire and exprefiion, 
 
 " Te fiepherds give ear to my lay, 
 " And take no more heed of my Jheep" 
 1 was fo ftruck with his maiterly per- 
 formance, that not being able to cjap my 
 hands together, in token of applaufe, I 
 cried out, bra r oiJ]imo ! encora ! t( Ay, faid 
 the fervant, '* the dog calls for the refc 
 " of the gang — we (hall be murdered in 
 " fight pf our own houfe."- — I protefled 
 I was no meep-ftealer, but a mufician on 
 his travels, which the young gentleman 
 faid he believed, as I ieemed to have a 
 very good ear, and added, 
 
 " The man that has no mufic in his foul, 
 
 G' " And
 
 t42] 
 
 M And is not touch'd by concord of fweet founds, 
 " He's fit for treafons, ftratagems, and fpoils." 
 
 To which the fellow anfvvered, that a man 
 might be a fheep-* dealer and a mulicianer 
 too, and fvvore it was a fiddler at a wake 
 that robbed all the neighbour's hen- 
 roofls; I Submitted to go before the juf- 
 tice quietly, and the young Arcadian fol- 
 lowed, tinging and playing as he walked 
 along in the moft. pathetic manner, 
 
 My Jheep I've forfaken, and left my Jheep-hook, 
 And all the gay haunts of my youth I've forfook. 
 
 When we came before the old gentle- 
 man, the man made his charge, which I 
 anfwered by telling the ftory as I have 
 jufl related it ; the young gentleman 
 made an eloquent fpeech in my defence, 
 and concluded with tinging moil divinely, 
 
 O clear him then from this offence, 
 Thy love, his duty prove, &c. 
 
 The fervant defired I might be fearched, 
 alluring the juflice that he had felt a 
 blunderbufs under my coat, and that I 
 had papers about me, which might dis- 
 cover
 
 I 43 J 
 
 cover my accomplices. Upon the fearch* 
 my baflbon, the only weapon I had, was 
 produced, to the utter confuiion of my 
 unrelenting profecutor ; and my MSS. 
 being handed up, the juftice read aloud 
 the title in thefe words, " An Enquiry 
 " into the prefent flate of the Mufic of 
 " the Spheres, with the Overture to the 
 " laft Eclipfe of the Moon, and a differ- 
 <c tation on the celeftial fTddle-ftick, vul- 
 *t garly called the rain-bow." As foon 
 as he had read this, the juflice jumped up, 
 and walked away ; declaring I v> r as juft 
 fuch a poor crack-brain'd fellow as his 
 fon, and that we were fit company for 
 each other. As foon as he had quitted 
 the benchj the young gentleman came 
 up to me, and apologizing for his father's 
 rude behaviour, requefted I would pafs 
 an hour with him in his ftudy. This in- 
 vitation I readily accepted, notwithftand- 
 ing the character I had juft heard of him> 
 for I am of opinion, that a little pertur- 
 bation of the faculties is not amifSj and 
 G 2 indeed
 
 [ 44 1 
 
 indeed is unavoidable in a young mufician 
 of fire and imagination. I found he had 
 written feveral pieces relative to the im- 
 provement of mufical fcience, tho' his 
 modefty had prevented their publication. 
 Among other manufcripts which he 
 {hewed me, was a propofal for carrying 
 on war without bloodfhed, in which, his 
 fcheme was to arm the foldiers with mu- 
 fical inftruments and fire-arms ; which 
 latter mould be only difcharged into the 
 air at proper intervals, for the fake of 
 mufical explofions j and that the bafs 
 lhould be plaved by great cannon, in the 
 fame harmlefs manner, fo that each army 
 mould form a complete band, and the 
 battle mould be loft by that general which 
 mould firft play out of tune. I much 
 applauded this fcheme, as well on ac- 
 count of the grand effect which mufical 
 cannon muft produce, as for the fake of 
 all the*Chriftian blood which would be 
 faved by the adoption of this mode of 
 deciiion among the powers of Europe; 
 
 for
 
 [45] 
 for, like the Dr. " tho' I love mufic very 
 « well, I love humanity frill better," ia 
 which particular we differ much from 
 that great flutift and warrior the king of 
 Pruffia. He next fhewed me a plan of a 
 work he was then upon, which was 
 turning Mr. Garrick's celebrated Ode on 
 Shake/pear e into an Italian Opera, a fpe- 
 cies of writing, which, he faid, it much 
 refembled in ftile, imagery, poetry and 
 fentiment. u Mark," fays he, cc the piclu- 
 " refque beauty of thefe two lines, which 
 " are the laft I have tranflated : 
 
 '« The little loves, like bees, 
 
 <c CluJVring, and climbing up his knees" 
 
 11 What an amazing effect: this perfonifica- 
 " tion of the loves will have on the flage, 
 " when the audience behold Signor Rauzini 
 " in the character of Shakefpeare, with a 
 "hive of Mr. Wildtnon's bees climbing up 
 ** his legs, with the queen-bee at their 
 " head, in the character of Venus, who 
 ft will be taught to perform a moft en- 
 " chanting folo hum I After (he has faluted 
 
 " the
 
 [46 ] 
 
 " the poet, he, fhe, and her fubjedt bees* 
 ¥ all fmile -, for, as the inimitable Mr. 
 " Gar rick exprefTes it, 
 
 " They SMILE luhile they're giving, 
 " He smiles at receiving, 
 "A treafure of joy." 
 
 After I had fufriciently complimented him 
 upon this work, and told him that I 
 thought the Ode would be wonderfully 
 improved in his hands, we difcourfed 
 upon the fubject of Dr. Burney's travels, 
 of which he was a profeiTed admirer; 
 and mentioned with great approbation 
 that u curious operation" which the Dr. 
 was informed, was " performed fre- 
 " quently at Naples, of cutting the glands 
 " of the throat, when fo inflated, or big, 
 " as to obftruft the free pafTage of the 
 " voice." This anecdote had given my 
 friend a hint of greater improvements . 
 " We are too fparing," fays he, " of the 
 '«' knife — and when we are arrived at 
 * c caftration, think the voice is as perfect 
 * as art can make it, but we flop fliort 
 
 « of
 
 U7) 
 
 < ( of perfection. There are other fuper- 
 " fluities befides the tefies and glands of 
 " the throat which obftruct the free 
 " courfe of the voice. Believe me, Sir, 
 " the tongue itfelf might well be fpared, 
 " which only ferves to articulate founds 
 «« in fpeaking, but is an incumbrance to 
 " a fine finger. Do me the favour, Sir, 
 " to fing one air with this ivory bit in 
 M your mouth, to keep down your tongue, 
 " and you will be furprized at the dif- 
 tc ference it makes in the mellownefs of 
 " the tone, and the roundnefs of the 
 << volume of voice." Saying this, he 
 fetched an ivory inflrument out of his 
 drawer, which he fixt in my mouth, and 
 fattened to my head, like a horfe's bit. 
 He then continued his difcourfe thus : 
 " There is in fact no difference betwixt 
 " vocal and indrumental mufic : for as 
 " the foul is rightly defined by an antient 
 *.* philofopher to be harmony, fo is the 
 <c body a natural mufical inflrument -, of 
 fj which the. lungs form the bellows, and 
 
 « the
 
 [ 48 ] 
 
 " the wind-pipe a paffage for the air, as 
 " in an organ ; the ufe of this bit is to 
 " preferve the volume of voice entire, by 
 * s preffing down the tongue ; and, by the 
 «' bye, if the teeth were pulled out too, 
 " it would leave the paffage infinitely 
 * c freer from obftru&ion." — Here I en- 
 deavoured to interrupt him, for I found 
 the bit very painful, but not being able 
 to articulate, he thought I was attempt- 
 ing to fing, and cried out, " Stay a mo- 
 * c ment, my dear friend, let me juft put 
 *' two plugs into your noftrils to prevent 
 " the air from ifTuing out at thofe aper- 
 K tures." I was refolved not to endure 
 this, and looked round for the door, in 
 order to fecure a retreat, while he thus 
 went on : — " I always wear plugs when 
 " I ling, but I have a great notion that 
 * l if holes were bored at proper diflances 
 V along the fide of the nofe, it would 
 " make no bad flute. Now, Sir, give 
 " me leave to fhew you how much far- 
 " ther the jaws ought to be'*diftended by 
 
 " the
 
 [49 ] 
 
 * c the lancet, and where the glands mould 
 " be cut." — Saying this, he drew a pen- 
 knife out of his fide-pocket ; but as I had 
 all this time been fidling toward the 
 door, (being now fully convinced he was 
 rather more difturbed in his faculties than 
 a good theoriir. ought to be,) out I flew, 
 and never once looked behind me till I 
 was fairly out of fight of the houfe ; when 
 at my leifure I untied my jaws which 
 now began to ach confoundedly, and 
 walked on very well pleafed to find that 
 I had not left my tongue behind me, and 
 reflected upon the truth of the poet's 
 obfervation, 
 
 Great wit to madnefs nearly is allied, 
 And thin partitions do the bounds divide. 
 
 I palled through the towns of LancaJIer 
 and Prejlon without any adventure, and 
 the next day arrived at 
 
 LIVERPOOL. 
 
 Here I inftantly went to pay my rc- 
 
 fpcdls to Mr. Cable, who had formerly 
 
 H com-
 
 [ 5°] 
 commanded a (hip in the African (lave- 
 trade, but had long quitted that inhuman 
 employment, and given himfelf up en- 
 tirely to the cultivation of mufic. I found 
 him fitting in a pleafant fummer-houfe, 
 which he had ere&ed on the top of a 
 decayed elm, and with infinite tafte fitted 
 up in imitation of a {hip's cabbin. Here 
 he was fblacing himfelf with a pipe and 
 a bowl of grog. He very civilly invited 
 me to lit down, and when I had pre- 
 fented my recommendatory letter to him, 
 he put it into his pocket, and faid, he 
 would overhaul it at his leifure, though 
 I afterward found that the captain had 
 never had the advantage of learning to 
 read or write. After having emptied two 
 bowls in the mofl amicable manner, the 
 captain very civilly propofed to me to 
 fing, which I inftantly complied with, 
 and began tuning up, Let not age thy 
 bloom enfnare t &c. but was much fur- 
 prized to hear him roar out, before I had 
 
 iinifhed the firft line, that " d his 
 
 m eyes,
 
 I Si J 
 
 " eyes, he did not like that palaver, but 
 f* wanted to hear Hearts cf Oak, or fome- 
 " thing that was jolly." 1 very fubmif- 
 fively excufed myfelf as never having 
 learnt that air, and he, accepting my 
 apology, told me, as I could not fing, I 
 might have a bout with my fiddle, as he 
 fuppofed I knew how to fcrape that. 
 Though this behaviour was very opposite 
 to that foftnefs which the love of mufic 
 generally infpires, and made me envy the 
 good fortune of my great mailer, who in 
 his travels had always performed to 
 princes, and electors j yet not chufing to 
 exafperate my hofl, who was a middle- 
 fized, broad-ihouldered man, with bow- 
 legs, and a fifl like a ihoulder of mutton, 
 I took up my violoncello, and began an 
 overture which I thought capable of dis- 
 arming the greateft ruggednefs of temper. 
 Full twenty minutes I continued playing 
 without interruption, congratulating my- 
 felf upon the conquefl I had gained over 
 the captain's ferocity, and reflecting with 
 H 2 ad mi-
 
 [ 52] 
 
 admiration upon the amazing powers of 
 found, which could thus filence the jarr- 
 ing paffions, and (often the roughed dif- 
 pofitions. " O why," faid I to myfelf, " is 
 " not the great Dr. here, to (hare in the 
 " triumphs of his pupil ?" Saying this, 
 I ventured to (leal a glance at a pier- 
 glafs, that was oppofite to me, in order 
 to adjuft my attitude, when, with the 
 utmofl furprize and indignation, I beheld 
 the captain, whom I thought enraptured 
 by my fkill, fad afleep, and nodding in 
 his elbow chair. I confefs, I was fcarcely 
 able to contain my fury at this affront, 
 but thinking it inconiiftent with my cha- 
 racter to exprefs my feelings in any other 
 than a murlcal way; I fang with great 
 
 vehemence — / rage — / burn — dejpair 
 
 dejpair. To arms, to arms, your Jiher 
 
 trumpets found — and touching my violon- 
 cello in the rudeft manner, I awoke fuch 
 founds of horror and anguifh j I made 
 the fixings fo refponfive to the agitations 
 of my mind, that the captain flarted up 
 
 pre-
 
 [ 53] 
 
 precipitately from his feat, overfet the 
 bowl of liquor, and blading my eyes, 
 afked me what I meant by making fuch 
 a catterwauling ? There was fomething 
 fo terrific in his looks and geftures, th.tt 
 I could not refill the impuife I experi- 
 enced, to pacify him by my apologies. 
 Thefe he kindly received, and we ce- 
 mented our reconciliation by another bowl 
 of grog ; after which the captain felt 
 himfelf in fuch good humour, that he 
 infilled upon my giving him my impartial 
 opinion upon his own mufical acquire- 
 ments, and ringing the bell, ordered his , fltfi 
 Gom-gom to be brought in. This inftru- 
 ment was a wooden bow, the ends of 
 which w r ere confined by a dried, and hol- 
 low gut, into which the captain blew, 
 fcraping upon it at the fame time with 
 an old fiddle- ftick, ftamping upon the 
 ground, and roaring out, Ho! ho! with 
 fuch a force of lungs, and extenfion of 
 voice, that at length, unable to bear the 
 honid difcord any longer, I begged him to 
 
 dcfiil.
 
 I 54-1 
 
 dcfift. He then told me that he had ac- 
 quired the knowledge of this inftrument 
 during the courfe of feveral voyages to 
 the coaft of Africa, and that his profici- 
 ency was allowed to be fo great, that the 
 king of Benin had offered to make him 
 his prime minifter, provided he would 
 have continued at his court, and that he 
 had fecretly received propofals of marriage 
 from a princefs of Monomatapa. " But," 
 added he, " I loved old England fo well 
 «* that I did not chufe to ftay with their 
 ct black majefties, and having made a 
 " very pretty fortune, retired hither, 
 " where I live very happily, and amufe 
 " myfelf every afternoon with my fa- 
 " vourite inftrument."— He then alked me 
 with a very felf-fufficient fmile, or rather 
 grin, if I did not prefer it to an over- 
 grown fiddle, and all the Italian whimfies, 
 and tweedle-dums, that people played 
 upon in thefe days ? — I thought myfelf 
 and my profemon fo much infulted by 
 this impertinent difcourfe, that I could 
 
 not
 
 [55] 
 
 not help telling him with a contemptuous 
 fmile, that the mufic was adapted to the 
 mufician, that it might do very well for fea- 
 faring people, but that to cultivated ears 
 it was abfolutely barbarous -, and there- 
 fore I advifed him to confine his exhibi- 
 tions to his negro princes and princefles, 
 and never again attempt to perform be- 
 fore any perfon pofTefTed of the lead bril- 
 liancy of finger. Saying this, I took up 
 my violoncello, that by the execution of 
 a mod mafterly capricio, I might con- 
 vince him of his ignorance, and my own 
 fkill. But fcarce had I touched the chords 
 before this unmannerly tarpaulin burft 
 into the moft reproachful language. He 
 called me a loufy rafcal ; a fqueaking fon 
 
 of a b h j a lubberly gut-fcraper ; and 
 
 not contented with this contumelious 
 treatment, when I attempted to vindicate 
 my character, he knocked me down at 
 one blow, and after this unprecedented 
 outrage, ordered two black (laves to bring 
 him a rope, and fwore he would keel- 
 haul
 
 [56] 
 
 haul me. In vain did I remonftrate againft 
 this inhuman treatment, in founds which 
 might have " melted rocks, and foftened 
 fC things inanimate to pity;" I was 
 dragged to a large horfe-pond, in the 
 middle of which was a kind of Indian 
 canoe, under which I was three times 
 iiicceffively drawn by two ropes, while 
 the captain flood on the bank, making 
 his fides with laughter, and playing a 
 warlike meafure with his gom-gom. Hav- 
 ing undergone this favage operation, I 
 was thruft. headlong into the ftreet, my 
 teeth chattering, and my whole body 
 fhivering with cold and affright; and the 
 captain muttering out the mod barbarous 
 jells on my condition, threw my violon- 
 cello after me, and fhut the door. 
 
 In this diflreiTed fituation did I wander 
 about the town, hooted at by the boys, 
 and exciting the deriiion of the vulgar ,• 
 till at length a very decent woman, who 
 lives at the fign of the French horn, (to 
 which circumftance I principally afcribc 
 
 her
 
 f 57 1 
 
 her humanity) kindly invited me in, and 
 
 after drying myfelf at her fire, and drink- 
 ing a quartern of gin, to prevent my 
 catching cold, I ilept very comfortably 
 that night upon a flock bed, and fet out 
 early the next morning for 
 
 CHESTER. 
 
 The ablution I had received the day 
 before having anfwered every purpofe of 
 clean linen, I ventured with very little 
 alteration in my drefs to prefent myfelf 
 to D n Sm irk, a dignified clergyman in 
 that city. I found the Doctor fo buried in 
 learning a new opera tune, that though 
 I repeatedly bowed, and attempted to 
 fpeak, he took no manner of notice of 
 me. At length, having exhaufied his 
 breath, he threw himfelf negligently down 
 upon a fopha, and rolling his eyes round 
 the room, beheld me in the corner where 
 I had feated myfelf. Inftantly he rang 
 his bell, and reproving his fervant for 
 furTering any more curates to interrupt 
 
 I him
 
 [5»] 
 
 him in his fludies, he ordered him to 
 turn me out of the houfe. Though I 
 was fomewhat daunted at this extraor- 
 dinary reception, yet I plucked up luffi- 
 cient courage to inform him, that I was 
 no curate, but a mufician errant, whom 
 one of his friends had taken the liberty 
 of recommending to him for his protec- 
 tion, and informing him of the purport 
 of my jou'rney, I added, that I doubted 
 not, under his aufpices, Chefter would 
 prove one of the mod: interefting articles 
 in my collection. The Doctor feemed much 
 mollified by this compliment, and order- 
 ing the man to bring in his flute, he prac- 
 tifed feveral new folfeggi, on which he 
 defired my opinion; I told him that I 
 thought cc his hand was firm and bril- 
 " liant, his tafie and expreffion admira- 
 " ble, and his fteadinefs in time fuch as 
 " a Dilettante is fcldom pofTcfTed of." I 
 begged the favour of hearing him fing, 
 which Pie readily granted, but before he 
 began, he ordered his fervant to bring in 
 
 his
 
 1 59 ] 
 
 his Dilettante ring and wig. Seeing that 
 he had excited my wonder, he very ob- 
 ligingly explained himfelf, by telling me, 
 that, as nothing added Co much to the 
 power of mufic as the drefs of the per- 
 former, and as no part of drefs was more 
 finking and important, than that of the 
 head and ringer, he had, during his tour 
 to the Continent, provided rings and wigs 
 for every fpecies of mufic that he could 
 ever be called upon to perform. He 
 mewed me a fpruce fcratch neatly pow- 
 dered, with a ty burn- top, and a large 
 ruby in the fhape of a bleeding heart, 
 which, he faid, he wore when he perform- 
 ed amorous ditties to the ladies ; and he 
 aflured me that he never ventured to fing 
 before the fair fex, without ufing Lord 
 CbeJierfieWs, receipt for the teeth, which 
 he recommended upon his own experi- 
 ence, as being one of the moft valuable 
 articles in the works of that great man. 
 He had alfo a large full- flowing tye, (the 
 invention of which, and the adapting it 
 I 2 to
 
 [6o] 
 
 to his features, he told me, had cod him 
 three years) in which he preached, toge- 
 ther with an antique gem curioufly 
 adorned with a mafterly reprefentation of 
 the god Priapus; this laft, however, he 
 very rarely ufed, except when he preached 
 charity-fermons. He alfo (hewed me a 
 very handfome bob, together with a pair 
 of doe-fkin breeches, neatly embroidered 
 at the flaps, and a pair of hufTar boots 
 laced at the feams, all which, he 
 intended to wear that night at the 
 catch-club, to which he kindly offered 
 to introduce me. In the courfe of our 
 converfation, he told me, that his prefer- 
 ment had been principally owing to a 
 young lord, with whom he had had the 
 good fortune to make the tour of Europe, 
 as a travelling tutor : that my lord being 
 equally fond of mufic and horfes, ufually 
 rode pod: ; while he followed him at his 
 leifure in a chaife, bringing with him his 
 lordlhip's favourite cremona, together 
 with a large mock dog j which at his 
 
 leifure
 
 [ 6l ] 
 
 leifure hours his lordfhip inftructed in the 
 arts of fetching and carrying, and walk- 
 ing upon his hinder legs. He faid, that 
 his tendernefs for this refpectable animal, 
 together with his fkill in cooking maca- 
 roni, and his great powers in (inging 
 catches, had recommended him to the 
 acquaintance and patronage of feveral of 
 the prime nobility. 
 
 In the evening I accompanied the Doctor 
 equipped in the habiliments I have de- 
 fcribed, to the fign of the Yacht, where 
 the weekly meeting of his brother mufi- 
 cians and divines was held. Here I had 
 the pleafure of hearing him join in 
 Which is the properejl day to drink ? and 
 feveral other witty and fentimental catches, 
 with great tafte, humour, and mufical 
 powers. A very pretty band conftantly 
 attended this afTemblyj and what fur- 
 prized me much at the time, was to ob- 
 ferve Dr. Smirk as foon as he entered the 
 room, go up to the performers, and after 
 making them a genteel bow, pull one of 
 
 them
 
 [62] 
 
 them by the nofe ; give another a box on 
 the ear ; and a third a kick on the breech, 
 till he had fainted the whole band in the 
 fame rough manner, which uncouth com- 
 pliment they feemed to take with won- 
 derful chriftian patience, and fubmiffion. 
 This, however, the Doctor afterwards told 
 me was his conftant cuftom ; for he laid 
 *■ he was a rigid difciplinarian," and re- 
 gularly tuned his muficians, as he was 
 pleafed to call it, in this manner once a 
 week: " For," added he, « c it is a me- 
 < c lancholy reflection to make, that few 
 '* compofers are well treated by an or- 
 « c cheftra, till they have ufed the per- 
 «' formers roughly and made themfelves 
 *' formidable." 
 
 On our return from the concert, I 
 hinted to Dr. Smirk, that it was a great 
 pity the world mould not enjoy the benefit 
 of the many curious obfervations he muft 
 have made in his continental tour; and 
 though Dr. Barney had almoft exhaufted 
 the fubject of mulic, yet I mould think it 
 
 no
 
 [ 6 3 ] 
 
 no difgrace for men of the fir it talents to 
 glean after that celebrated genius, and 
 that there was a variety of other polite 
 fubje&s, particularly cookery, amply fuf- 
 ficient to immortalize the labours of any 
 other traveller. The Doctor milling told 
 me, that he had indeed thrown together 
 a few obfervations, in the form of a 
 journal, with which, he hinted, he might 
 be induced to oblige the world, as foon as 
 he had a fufficient number of refpe&able 
 friends to perfuade him to their publica- 
 tion. He faid, that in the fmall com- 
 pafs of a few meets, which a bookfeller 
 by the help of a proper type and margin 
 would fcarcely be able to dilate into two 
 octavo volumes, he had treated of almoft 
 every fubject. " For the mathematician," 
 fays he, " I have a new theory of comets, 
 " though never having learned arithmetic 
 « { myfelf, it is now under the correction 
 " of the matter of the free-fchool : for 
 " the phyfician, there are many great 
 i< difcoveries in electricity, by which I 
 
 " prove
 
 [6+] 
 
 * £ prove that the five fenfes, and the foul 
 ■■ itfelf, are nothing more than a peculiar 
 c: kind of electricity ; together with fome 
 " fine obfervations on vacuums, and the 
 " cure of difeafes by filk isaiflcoats : For 
 " the moralifts, I have feveral pretty re- 
 " flections ; particularly that the ideas of 
 tc right and wrong are not the fame in 
 f any two places under the fun : and for 
 " the ladies, for whom indeed, as being 
 <c at prefent the ultimate judges of all 
 " philofophical treatifes, my whole work 
 " is peculiarly calculated ; there i& my 
 f< continually recurring defcription of tea- 
 <{ drinking, horfe- races, proceffions, and 
 " the game of crofs purpofes." 
 
 After this converfation I retired to reft 
 upon a down-bed, in an elegant apart- 
 ment. The next day the Doctor having 
 furnifhed me with letters to feveral of his 
 acquaintance in different parts of my 
 route, was alfo fo kind as to permit me 
 to ride behind his fervant, who was 
 going great part of my way to Wolver- 
 hampton,
 
 f 65] 
 
 hamptoii) upon one of his coach-horfes, 
 where I arrived after a journey of three 
 days. 
 
 WOLVERHAMPTON. 
 
 As I entered this town, I was agree- 
 ably furprized by hearing a grand chorus 
 of vocal and inftrumental mufic, among 
 which I plainly diflinguimed the mar- 
 row bones and cleavers, and the Engli/h 
 horn. I flood flill fome time to obferve 
 the diminuendo and crefcendo : at length 
 the performers and the proceffion ap- 
 proaching nearer, I difcovered it to be 
 the triumphal entry of a new knight of 
 a neighbouring (hire. Imagination can 
 conceive nothing more (inking and au- 
 guft. Firft marched four and twenty 
 patriots, without breeches, diiKnguiihed 
 by blue cockades, or blue garters, who 
 made the air refound with liberty and 
 independency. After thefe came a cele- 
 brated mufician, who regulated the march 
 K of
 
 [66] 
 
 of the whole band by the cadences of his 
 fiddle : this gentleman's finger was very 
 neat and. rapid ; but I could not help 
 lamenting that his inftrument was very 
 much out of tune. After thefe followed 
 fifteen performers upon the marrow- 
 bones and cleavers, all in blue aprons and 
 blue night-caps ; and three upon the 
 Britifh horn, finging the following grand 
 chorus -, of which I was informed both 
 the words and muiic had been compofed 
 by very great men. 
 
 " Then chear up brave lads of our 
 famous town ! 
 Is it not a fine fight 
 To fee our good knight 
 
 On his nag bolt upright ? 
 
 He'll maul ye the courtiers, 
 And all their fupporters, 
 And fill the whole county with praife 
 and renown." 
 After thefe rode the fuccefsful candidate 
 himfelf upon a beautiful dappled mule : 
 
 this
 
 f *!\ 
 
 this animal he had exprefly chofen, to 
 
 exprefs his perfcverance in the track which 
 he had once entered upon, his patience 
 in attending upon public bufinefs ; his 
 inflexibility in oppofitionj and above all 
 his exceeding love to his country, for 
 whofe dear fake it is fometimes the duty 
 of a member of the Houfe of Commons 
 to defcend within one degree of an afs ; 
 and be prepared to go yet greater lengths 
 if neceftary. Behind him came an innu- 
 merable train of the principal gentlemen 
 of the town, confiding of button-makers ; 
 blackfmiths ; coal-heavers ; nail-makers ; 
 iron-fplitters j knife-grinders ; barbers ; 
 apothecaries ; and taylors ; fome of thefe 
 gentlemen rode upon horfes, others upon 
 alTes ; part carried their wives and chil- 
 dren, and part their miftreiTes upon the 
 fame horfe : fome had the implements of 
 their trade, fuch as brafs fenders; fy- 
 ringes j clofe-ftools ; and chamber-pots ; 
 tied to long poles by blue ribbands, in- 
 K 2 fcribed
 
 [ <58] 
 
 fcribed with the name of the reprefen- 
 tative : fome were hollowing, others Ting- 
 ing, fome roaring, and others vomiting : 
 in {hort, it was altogether the mod auguft 
 fpectacle I had ever feen. After gazing 
 fome' time I felt myfelf on a fudden in- 
 fpired with that enthufiafm which ele- 
 vates the foul above the vulgar reftric- 
 tions which reafon impofes upon unemu- 
 lative minds, and thinking this a proper 
 occasion to immortalize myfelf, and fig- 
 nalizc my art, I gave a penny to a duft- 
 man to let me afcend the lofty altitudes 
 of his cart. As foon as I was there, I 
 touched my violoncello with unufual ar- 
 dour, finging at the fame time an extern- 
 pore fong in praife of the candidate, 
 wherein I celebrated after the manner of 
 the ancient bards, his lineage derived from 
 the gods ; the imrjjprtal actions of his 
 illustrious anceftors, who had cleared this 
 ifland of wolves and other monfters ; I 
 then tranfided to the gentleman himfelf, 
 
 whom
 
 frfej 
 
 whom I exalted as a demi-god, or at lead 
 
 an hero : I praifed the majefty of his per- 
 fon, and the melody of his voice ; which 
 I compared to that of an Arcadian night- 
 ingale, bemoaning his mate upon a flowery 
 fpray. I then declared that he united in 
 himfelf the virtues and excellencies of his 
 whole line : that he was a felf- taught 
 orator ; a patriot ; and a politician ; I 
 compared his mule to the famous Buce- 
 phalus, and himfelf to Alexander, making 
 his triumphal entry into Babylon after 
 the conquefl of a thoufand nations. I 
 concluded my elegant panegyric, by con- 
 gratulating this ifland upon its number- 
 ing fo great a character among its legis- 
 lators ; one who would extend its com- 
 merce, and its empire ; encourage its ma- 
 nufactures, particularly that of buttons; 
 patronize the fine art's ; make the banks 
 of the Thames echo with Italian airs; 
 introduce caftration among all clafTes of 
 mankind ; and extirpate the whole breed 
 of fox^s from the face of the earth. 
 
 I am
 
 if) 
 
 I am the more particular in this account 
 of my fong, becaufe I am willing to 
 tranfmit to pofterity the ungrateful treat- 
 ment I met with, in return for fo fublime 
 a panegyric : a treatment, which I mould 
 have efcaped amongft, the mod barbarous 
 nations, fince with them the character of 
 a bard, or fiddler, has been always ac- 
 counted facred. How much more mock- 
 ing then mud it appear in the inhabitants 
 of a country which has long been the 
 feat of arts and polite manufactures ? But, 
 this is not the firrT: time that I have ex- 
 perienced the ingratitude of mankind, 
 nor I fear the lafl ! I comfort myfelf 
 therefore with reflecting that in former 
 times Romulus and Alfred, and in the 
 prefent Signior Giardini, and Dr. Barney, 
 have met with fimilar treatment; though 
 the firfr. pair introduced arts and civiliza- 
 tion into their refpective countries, and 
 the fecond have attempted a greater ac- 
 tion, that of cadrating the children of 
 the Foundling Hofpital. 
 
 But
 
 [71] 
 But I will trefpafs no longer upon my 
 reader's patience, whofe fympathetic bread 
 is I doubt not by this time agitated by a 
 war of paifions ! Scarce had I arrived at 
 the conclusion of my fong, before, in- 
 stead of the admiration and applaufe 
 which I had fo well deferved, I was fa- 
 luted with a general hifs j the reprefenta- 
 tive himfelf, from whom I confefs I ex- 
 pected an handfome prefent, or at leafl 
 an invitation to dinner, fmacked his whip 
 three times, and exclaimed with a terrible 
 oath : " This here man, gentlemen, is a 
 " minifterial tool, and all that he fays is 
 " unconstitutional." Scarce had he fpoken, 
 before a rotten egg, thrown by an un- 
 known hand, ftruck me upon the left 
 eye, and befmeared my face with its fetid 
 contents. I attempted to fpeak, but a 
 fecond hurled with greater dexterity, en- 
 tered and filled up the orifice of my 
 mouth; and as I prepared to make a 
 precipitate retreat from the elevated Na- 
 tion
 
 tion which I had fo unfortunately chofertj 
 a turnip of an unufual fize ftruck me 
 upon the head, and levelled me with the 
 dufL Three times did I attempt to rife* 
 and as often was I knocked down by 
 fome perfidious caitiff; at length, rinding 
 all refinance fruitlefs* I defended my head 
 as well as I could, with my violoncello* 
 and lay in patient expectation of their 
 exhaufling their brutal fury upon me* 
 The whole band then moved on to flow 
 mufic, and every individual, as he pad 
 by my vehicle, left me fome token of his 
 refentment : one pelted me with carrot- 
 tops, turnip-parings, cabbage-ftalks, dan- 
 delions, water-crerles, and all the ordure 
 of the green market; another endeavour- 
 ed to fepulchre me with the mod: odious 
 remnants and productions of the animal 
 reign ; fuch as pigs-paunches, dead cats, 
 rotten puppies, the tripe of a dead horfe, 
 and various other matters which decency 
 prevents me from relating. Nay, to fuch 
 
 a pitch
 
 f 73] 
 
 a pitch of madnefs were they arrived, 
 
 that they emptied three pots of urine 
 upon my defencelefs head, which I was 
 afterwards told, but this I cannot report 
 for certain, had been filled for that very 
 purpofe, by the freeholders in the country 
 intereft. 
 
 I very luckily received no other damage 
 than the daubing my clothes from this 
 terrible adventure ; and therefore as foon 
 as I had an opportunity of efcaping, I 
 defcended foftly into the croud, and was 
 leaving a town where I had been fo un- 
 juftly perfecuted with great indignation, 
 when I was kindly invited in by the 
 landlord of the Hog in Armour, whicli- 
 invitation, in my prefent unhappy condi- 
 tion, I did not chufe to decline. He had 
 been witnefs to my cruel treatment, and 
 imagined I had furTered for my adherence 
 to the oppofite party, to which he was 
 ftrongly attached himfelf ; nor did 1 think 
 proper to undeceive him. He very kindly 
 carried me to his pump, and pumped 
 L upoa
 
 [ 74] 
 
 upon me with his own hand, till I had 
 regained my former purity, both in refpecl 
 to light and fmell : he then placed me 
 by his kitchen fire, filled me out a glafs 
 of gin, and bade me be of good courage. 
 I replied that I was not fo much exaf- 
 perated by any perfonal injury which I 
 had received, as mortified at the falfe 
 ideas I had entertained of the inhabitants 
 of this town, who had been reprefented 
 to me as extremely poliihed, and great 
 proficients both in the theory and practice 
 of mufic, particularly the " Carillon fci- 
 " encei concerning which I had deter- 
 41 mined to inform myfelf in a particular 
 «* manner." 
 
 He told me I mud not be out of hu- 
 mour with his townfmen, who were at 
 bottom a plain, honeft, good-natured 
 people; " and" added he with a look of 
 myftery, tf I am fure they never would have 
 " proceeded to thefe extremities, had they 
 " not been fet on by fome officious, inter- 
 44 meddling pcrfon." I begged he would 
 
 explain
 
 [75) 
 
 explain himfelf, upon which he afked 
 me, If I had not obferved a tall, thin, 
 hungry, knock-knee'd man, in a grizzle- 
 wig, rufty black coat, dirty (hirt, and a 
 thread-bare pair of green velvet breeches ? 
 I told him I thought I had, but could 
 not be pofitive. " That fellow," proceed- 
 ed he, " was formerly catch-pole to a 
 " bailiff in our town; but was turned off 
 € i for want of courage and dexterity ; he 
 u then commenced pimp and bully to a 
 <c bawdy-houfe, but had not addrefs 
 ** enough to fucceed j however, after va- 
 " rious metamorphofes, I hear he is re- 
 M tained by a London bookfeller, to write 
 " a certain Grub-ftreet journal, published 
 " monthly and called a Review. When- 
 " ever we have any dirty work to be 
 <c done, fuch as fcurrilous libels, elecli- 
 '* oneering lies, ballads, or addreffes to 
 " the freeholders ; any thing, in fhort, 
 " which requires knavery, effrontery, and 
 94 a ikin which mu(t be cudgel-proof, we 
 $i have him down from London at the 
 L 2 if rate
 
 1 76 ] 
 
 "rate of half a crown a day, and his 
 " beer. Now as this fellow values him- 
 9* felf not only upon his literary talents, 
 ** but alfo upon finging a good fong, and 
 " being a tolerable bow-hand, I cannot 
 " help thinking that he was inftigated 
 *• by a jealoufy of your fuperior talents 
 « to mifreprefent you among the free- 
 M holders *. For though I was at too 
 
 f< great 
 
 * Nqt content with this unprovoked and cruel treat- 
 ment of me, the hackney author above a-luded to, 
 Jus fince the publication of rrty Travels, endeavoured to 
 do me ftill further mifchief by his pen. I have, indeed, 
 every reafon to defpife the attack, as it is contained in a 
 publication, which I am well informed few perfons read, 
 and fewer ftill pay any attention to ; and as ic is very evi r 
 dent, that of the multiplicity of books which its authors 
 pretend to give a character of, they h,ave never feen one 
 half, and do not underiland the other: yet had the critics 
 confined themfelves to r< fieflions upon my underftanding 
 and behaviour, I fhould have ki fled the rod ^ fori toq 
 jve'l know the difadvantages of my education, which in- 
 deed are common to me with ail other muficians, to think 
 I could prpduce any thing which would not be liable to a 
 thoufand very juft objections and criticifms. Indeed as to 
 that particular, I am very confeious of the defects of my 
 great qri o inal itfelf; but I comforted inyfelf by reflecting, 
 that a mi:fician was not ob'iged to be a fcholar, or a man 
 pffenfe; and that no one could juftly reproach my pro- 
 duction? for being filly, frivolous, and uninterefting, 
 
 wi.hout
 
 [77] 
 
 * great a diftance to judge of your me- 
 " thod of taking Appogiatura, yet I could 
 
 " plainly 
 
 without obliquely wounding thofe of the great Doctor 
 himfelf. But the calumny which chiefly affects me, and 
 which is the only one that I fhould th : nk worthy my 
 notice, is that of being a fecret enemy of the illuftrious 
 perfonage whom I fo much admire; and having malici- 
 oufly endeavoured to fatirize the celebrated finging and 
 dancing Tour to the Continent. To have the genuine 
 fentiments of my heart miftaken, or mifreprefented, and 
 to be accufed of writing a lampoon, where 1 meant to ex- 
 prefs the fublimeft panegyric, is a mortifying circum- 
 stance, and muft deeply wound a man of any fenfibility ; 
 although to be abufed and mifunderftood, is a misfortune 
 common to me with the bell authors both of ancient and 
 paodetn times. Eut as to the accufation of malice, I 
 trull that nothing can appear more palpably abfurd, (ex- 
 cept the above mifreprefentation of my chaiailer and 
 principles) and the gentlemen who hive urged it agiinfc 
 me, would have done well to confult the dictionary, be- 
 fore they attempt d to write. It is malice to ranfack a 
 pcrfon's piivate life, and to publifh the little inadverten- 
 cies which his palTions or his temper have led him into, 
 w'f . a defign of injuring his reputation, or his fortune. 
 It may be alfo termed malice, when the unfortunate par- 
 {iculajities of a man's voice, or figure, are expof.d to the 
 public, with a view of rendering him ridiculous ; though 
 this talent constitutes the chief merit of a certain cele. 
 brated buffoon, who has long directed the laughter, and 
 guided the talte of the E ittfh nation. Again, when the 
 effufions of human weakness, intrufted to the indulgence 
 of private fricnefhip, a-e polled up to gratify vulgar cu- 
 riofity ; this may I think be juftly accounted malice, 
 though it has been the practice of very £tea' patriots, and 
 
 ver/^
 
 [7«] 
 
 *' plainly difcern that your fnfonies were 
 " full of light and foade, your accompani- 
 *\ ments ingenious and tranfparent, and 
 
 " your 
 
 very great philcfophers. But to burlefcjue, controvert, or 
 c- iticife works, which are voluntarily expofed to all 
 mmkind, and whofe author could have no other motive 
 for their publication than the opinion of his own fuperior 
 abilities, argues no more of this ungenerous difpofition 
 than a man's crkictfing a picture a; an exhibition proves 
 him to enter ain a perfonal antipathy to the painter. If 
 the ridicule and oppofition be unjufl, they may indeed 
 prove the we.kncfs and ignorance of their author, but 
 can never fub}ecl him to any other cenfure ; if he has 
 confined himfeif to the work, without attacking the pri- 
 vate lite, cr unpublifhed fentiments of the writer; if on 
 the conra y they be jufi, he does an efiential fervice to 
 the public, by preventing the adoption of improper mo- 
 dels either in ily le, pr manners, or opinions. Had I 
 really ihercfjie written with a defign of ridiculing the 
 Do&or, which I think none but reviewers will impute to 
 me, thofe gentlemen ihould have been the laft to brand 
 ine with the epithet of malicious, who fcarcely procu r e a 
 wretched Jubliilence by waging a periodical war with., 
 a moil the whole tribe of au hors. With refpeel how- 
 ever to ano her part pf their criticifm, I confefi that J 
 ih-uld rot once have introduced the difagreeable nccef- 
 fuics < f our nature, however important to my narration, 
 had I not obferved that the great man to whom the 
 B/hiih na in owes i:s new fyllem pf morality, as well as 
 great improve ments in the theory cf dancing, had no| 
 only a rine talle for all the graces of perfon and manner, 
 but the moil accur te nofe (owing \ erhaps to his a c m- 
 plifhed rmin-tr of blowing it) of any gentleman in the 
 heu t o f'utis, io. diilir.guiti.ing perfumes j which ciicunir 
 
 ihnce
 
 [79] 
 
 "your poetry much heightened by the rich 
 *' and varied colouring of your injirument" 
 I anfwered, that I was obliged to him for 
 his favourable opinion of my poor abili- 
 ties, and very much inclined to admit the 
 apology he had made for his townfmcn ; 
 for, as I told him, I was very fenfible 
 that the mere intoxication of beer and 
 liberty, rarely produced fuch excefTes as I 
 had experienced ; and that in all coun- 
 tries, even the moft refined and mufical, 
 where neither a drop of beer, nor a fpark 
 of liberty was to be found, public pro- 
 ceflions were apt to excite rioting and 
 licentioufncfs among the vulgar «f\ 
 
 At this time three dancing bears were 
 brought into the yard, which my land- 
 lord running out to accommodate, put art 
 
 ftarce his fair editrefs has thought too interefting to the 
 public to expunge it from her ufefu! collection *. 
 
 * I muji rot (,mii too, that tvhrn he breaks ivir,d be (m'.lh 'ratify like 
 S.Uan. LcrJ Chefterfield's Lrters, Vol. iii Letter CCLXVI. 
 
 f This proceflion feemed to have been as much the 
 occafion of riot and debauchery among the common peo- 
 ple, as the beer and liber y with which in Englifli mot> 
 \$ ufually intoxicated on a rrjoicng night in London. 
 
 Tour through Germany, Sec. 
 
 end
 
 [8o] 
 
 end for the prefent to our conversation *. 
 The bears immediately began a ferious 
 dance, and to oblige my friend and the 
 company, I played to them upon my vio- 
 loncello, and muft confefs they performed 
 their movements with great eafe and ex- 
 a&nefs ; Bruin, the firfl: man-bear, " had 
 " great force and neatnefs, and a gentle- 
 j man's fervant who flood by allured me 
 " that he equalled Slingsby in his a plomp* 
 " or neatnefs of keeping time ; and that 
 " the BruiniV many twinkling feet and 
 " breads were not inferior in agility t<j 
 " thofe of Signora Hidou." During the 
 dance, the fecond man-bear (a very young 
 performer) a little alarmed the company 
 by difplaying too much fenfibility ; fof 
 having a very quick and fine ear, while I 
 was playing in a ftrain fomewhat amorofi, 
 he fuddenly caught hold of a pretty young- 
 
 * At this time Tome wild be fts were brought to the' 
 palace gate-., which all the company running to fee, put 
 an en^i for the prefent to our converfation. 
 
 Toil* THRUL'Gi; Gt P MANY, &C 
 
 woman
 
 [8i] 
 
 woman {landing near him, and locked 
 her between his fore-legs in To ftrict an 
 embrace, that fhe fcreamed out, and the 
 ballet-mafter was obliged to have recourfe 
 to blows before he could oblige his 
 fcholar to quit his hold, and I am confi- 
 dent that it was owing more to my 
 changing the meafure, than to his cud- 
 gel, that they were difengaged at laft* 
 Bating this faux pas however, the per- 
 formance was not only decent, but '* the 
 ftory of the dance well told ," and as the 
 fame gentleman's fervant obferved (who* 
 by the bye, feerhed to have a great deal 
 of tafte, and faid he had often kept his 
 matter's places at the Opera-houfe,) had 
 thefe performers worn hoops, they would 
 have greatly refembled the majeflic petti- 
 coat heroes of that fplendid theatre. 
 
 Having taken a polite leave of my 
 friends the publican, the ballet-mafter, 
 and his bears, the next place I vifited was 
 BIRMINGHAM, 
 
 A mofl: noify, unharmonious, fmoaky 
 M town,
 
 [ 82 ] 
 
 town, where the harih found of the ham- 
 mer and anvil, together with the incefTant 
 clalhing of pots, frying pans, and cop- 
 pers, which was the only mufic I heard 
 at my arrival, made me augur ill of my 
 fuccefs at this place. However, I was 
 well informed that it had lately been the 
 feat of oratorios, and the receptacle of 
 the cajlratiy that its inhabitants had flu- 
 died oratory under the tuition of the ce- 
 lebrated Mr. Herries, that they were 
 moreover honoured once a year by the 
 prefence of the manager of the Opera- 
 houfe at London, and, if I miftake not, 
 had even heard Lord S. himfelf play upon 
 the kettle-drum at their mufic-meeting. 
 I refolved therefore to make my arrival 
 known ; for which purpofe (as I had no 
 recommendatory letters to any perfon 
 here) I employed the town-cryer *, for a 
 
 * " I fometimes wi/hed to employ ihe towti-cryer at 
 my firfl entrance into a cay, to tell the inhabitants who 
 I was, and what I wanted ; for it frequently happened, 
 where his majefty had no minifler, that I was on the 
 ^oim of quitting a place before this was known." 
 
 v Touji THivcuGH Germany, p*ge 89. 
 
 mug
 
 mug of ale, to proclaim my name, pro- 
 feffion, and place of abode, through every 
 ftreet ; and withal to give notice, that my 
 flay there would be but fhort. This pro- 
 clamation foon produced an enquirer after 
 me j he directed me to the houfe of a 
 gentleman, who, he faid, he was fure 
 would be glad to fee me, being at that 
 time in great want of a mufic-mafter for 
 his daughter. I immediately waited upon 
 the gentleman, who was an elderly per- 
 fon of a very fevere and fufpicious afpecl. 
 He roughly aiked me what was my bufi- 
 nefs ? to which I anfwered, that my pro- 
 feffion was raufic ; and added, that I had 
 a new and very expeditious mode of 
 teaching to play on the harpfichord, forte 
 piano, and organ ; by which I would un- 
 dertake to give any young lady of tolera- 
 ble parts, a Jkake in two leflbns, and a 
 fwell in three. As foon as I had faid 
 this, he very abruptly quitted the room, 
 where I waited fome time expe£ting the 
 entrance of his daughter, whofe harpfi- 
 M 2 chord
 
 [ 8+] 
 
 chord I began tuning, preparatory to my 
 firft lerlbn. But while I was thus em- 
 ployed, four fellows came up to me, and 
 without any ceremony dragged me out 
 of the room into the yard. When I en- 
 quired the meaning of this rudenefs, one 
 of them told me, his matter wanted to 
 fee me dance ; I replied, that I did not 
 profefs dancing, but mufic ; and that 
 there muft be fome miftake in the bufi- 
 nefsj — the gentleman himfelf now ap- 
 peared, followed by another fervant who 
 carried a blanket. " Now, Mr. Mufic- 
 *' mailer, faid he, with a malicious fmile, 
 **. my fervants (hall /hew you a much better 
 " make than you ever taught a fcholar in 
 " your life. " The men immediately placed 
 me in the blanket, which they held by 
 the corners, and tofTed me about in it in 
 a moft fevere manner, till their ftrength 
 was exhaufted, and then fairly kicked me 
 out of the houfe. Enraged and mortified 
 at this unlorefeen and unprovoked out- 
 rage, I was almofl determined to quit 
 
 this
 
 [«5] 
 
 this favage country, renounce all inter- 
 courfe with my fpecies, and retire, like 
 Orpheus, to the woods and defarts. This 
 refolution I communicated to my land- 
 lord, who difluaded me from fo rafti a 
 project, and greatly difarmed my fury, by 
 informing me what was the true motive 
 of the unaccountable behaviour I had juft 
 experienced ; which it feems was owing 
 to this gentleman having loft his only 
 daughter, a very rich and beautiful heirefs j 
 who had eloped to Scotland the week 
 before with her mufic-m after, to whom 
 me was fince married. This circumftance 
 appeared fuch a fufficient apology, that I 
 a'jrain became reconciled to mankind, and 
 purfued my intended tour with wonted 
 alacrity, linging adagios all the way I 
 went. 
 
 WORCESTER. 
 
 Here another mortifying circumftance 
 occurred. As foon as I entered this an- 
 cient and magnificent city, I heard a found 
 
 more
 
 f 86] 
 
 more grating to my cars than all the 
 tinkering of kettles I had left behind me. 
 It was a rude and barbarous jiourijh of 
 marrow-bones and cleavers, at the eleva- 
 tion of Sir Watkin Lewes in king Alfred's 
 chair *. Seeing another election, ano- 
 ther knight, and another band of fturdy 
 patriots approaching, my mind miigave 
 me, that there was alfo another, or the 
 fame reviewer in petto, to lavim his fa- 
 vours upon me, and finish the triumphs 
 of the day. I was refolved therefore to 
 depart without beat of drum, and to pro- 
 ceed directly to Briftol-, and mail wait to 
 deliver the letter which Dr. Smirk fa- 
 voured me with to Dr. Demi/emiquaver, 
 till a more convenient opportunity ; 
 " When the hurly-burley's done, 
 *' When the battle's loft and won/* 
 For I fear it is a ferious truth, and my 
 own experience has, in fome meafure, 
 
 * " A rode, and barbarous flourifh of drums and 
 trumpets, at the elevation of the hofl.'" 
 
 Tour through Germany. 
 
 confirmed
 
 [ «7] 
 
 confirmed it, that the wild notes of li- 
 berty, and the quavering of Italian airs, 
 can never be heard together in concert *. 
 Had I been rich, I mould have agreed 
 with a coachman, who was juft then 
 fetting out, and offered to carry me and 
 my banoon, in the bafket, for fix (hillings. 
 But as riches are not always the com- 
 panions of genius, I rather chofe to take 
 my place in a coal-veflel, which was to 
 arrive at that city in two days. Here, 
 as the weather was extremely fine, I tra- 
 velled very agreeably for the firft day, and 
 dined upon bread and cheefe, and cold 
 bacon, without making any obfervations 
 
 * '* The fine arts are children of affluence an J luxury; 
 in defpotic governments they render power lei's insupport- 
 able, and diverfion from thought is perhaps as neceffary as 
 from a&ion. Whoever therefore feeks mu.'ic in Germany 
 Jhould do it at the feveral courts, not in the free imperial 
 ciies, which are generally inhabited by poor induiirious 
 people, whofe genius is chil'ed, and depreiTed by penury, 
 who can bcftow nothing on vain pomp and luxury, but 
 think themfelves happy in the pofFellion or neceflaties. 
 The residence of a Sovereign prince on the contrary, be- 
 sides the mufitians in ordinary of the cout, church, and 
 Stage, fwarms with penfioners and expectants." 
 
 Tour through Germany, page 116. 
 
 worth
 
 t 88 ] 
 Worth communicating to the public, ex- 
 cept that I faw a man upon the bank 
 angling for dace, notwithstanding the 
 earlinefs of the feafon. The fecond day, 
 as the wind fuddenly changed from the 
 Weft to the North- Eaft, was foggy* 
 rainy, and fo exceedingly cold, that for 1 
 want of Dr. Burneys loufy blanket*, I 
 flipped my legs into a coal-fack, while 
 I defended my head by thrufting it into 
 my viol-cafe, which I tied under my 
 chin with a pair of green worfted garters 
 that my fpoufe had knit, and made me 
 a prefent of during our courtmip. We 
 flopped about two o'clock at a little vil- 
 lage on the banks of the Severn to dine j 
 and here I cannot but inform the world, 
 that Mr. Bangor^ at the fign of the Goal 
 in Boots, is an extremely civil and polite 
 landlord, and has no contemptible tafte 
 in mufic. When I informed him of my 
 defign in making this expedition, he very 
 obligingly led me into his hall, which 
 
 * See Tour Through Germany, 
 
 was
 
 was ftuck round with various antique 
 pieces of mufic, fuch as Chevy Chace, The 
 Children in the Wood, Three Children Jliding 
 en the Ice, The Hijlory of St, George, &c. 
 which he kindly permitted me to enrich 
 my collection with. I begged hard that 
 he would permit me to prick out the 
 notes of an incomparable whiftle as he 
 performed it, which at length with great 
 difficulty he complied with, upon condi- 
 tion however that I fhould not print it. 
 But I was more than all furprized and 
 charmed with his generofity, in flipping 
 a piece of fried cow-heel into my pocket* 
 and infnting upon treating me with a 
 dram, before I went into the cold. 
 
 . As I walked down to the river fide, J 
 remarked a boy, who was humming the 
 tune of Tanky Doodle ; and as I knew this 
 tp be an extremely popular air in fome 
 parts of America, I conjectured that this 
 part of England was originally peopled 
 from that continent. 
 
 K katc
 
 [ 9° ] 
 
 Late the next evening we arrived at the 
 large and populous city of 
 
 BRISTOL, 
 
 More famous for its commerce, manu- 
 factures, and fuch trifles, than for its 
 tafte in mufic. They have but lately had 
 a regular theatre eftablimed there to civi- 
 lize and polifh the uncouth manners of 
 the dhTenters, who would even have fuc- 
 ceeded in the favage oppofition they made 
 to this falutary meafure, if the bifhops 
 had not efpoufed the caufe of the fine 
 arts. I have little doubt, therefore, that 
 they will foon find that " mufic is fo com- 
 < c bined with things f acred and import 'ant , 
 " as well as with our pleafures, that it 
 iC feems necejfary to our exijlence :" they 
 will then quickly become friends to or- 
 gans, and next to operas. As I approach- 
 ed the city, I was gratified with feeing 
 the principal battalions of the militia, 
 who made a moft formidable appearance, 
 and marched in exact time to the mar- 
 2 row-
 
 [9i ] 
 
 row-bones and cleavers. I put up at the 
 Dogs Head in the Porridge Pot, and 
 after powdering my wig with fome 
 flour, clipping my beard with a pair of 
 feoffors, and turning my fhirt, I went to 
 wait on Signor ManJ'elli, to whom I had 
 letters of recommendation. When I 
 had knocked at the door, and enquired 
 whether the Signor was within, I was 
 informed that he was, but that I could 
 not fee him, as he was then bufied in 
 performing his vocalities. This anfwer, 
 you may be fure, redoubled my curiofity, 
 and I replied, " if a poor, yet I truft, 
 " not unknown mulician, may be judged 
 " worthy of being a private obfervcr 
 " of the Signor's meditations, I promife 
 '* not to interrupt his reveries, and per- 
 " haps the Signor himfelf will not be 
 " difpleafed at your introducing to him a 
 " Collioni l" 
 
 When he learned that I was a mufician, 
 
 he bowed refpectfully, and deliring me to 
 
 pull off my (hoes, as he did himfelf, he 
 
 N 2 led
 
 [ 92 ] 
 
 led me to. the Signor's- apartment. When 
 we came to the door, the fervant defired 
 me to pull off my coat, waiftcoat, and 
 wig, and creep through a hole, which be 
 fliewed me at the bottom of the door, as 
 he aflured me the Signor did not fufFer 
 even crowned heads to approach him in 
 thefe moments of enthufiafm, without 
 taking thofe precautions ; " and fir," faid 
 he, " you need not think this an humili- 
 " ating fituation, as I have feen many per- 
 « e fons of the firft fafhion, among whom 
 M were feveral pregnant ladies, fubmit to 
 *' the fame ceremony." 
 
 I did not hefitate a moment to comply 
 with the cuftomary etiquette, but {trip- 
 ping myfelf to the (hirt, I crept into the 
 »oom with the fame awful filence with 
 which the ancient priefts approached the 
 Tripod of their God. Having polled my- 
 felf behind a large fcreen, I beheld the 
 Signor extended on his belly, while two 
 young and beautiful ladies were gently 
 itroaking his back with the palms of 
 
 their
 
 [93] 
 
 their hands. He lay for fome minutes 
 penfive and filent, as if waiting for the 
 infpirations of the divinity. At length, 
 on a fudden, ct his eyes were fixt, his 
 U underlip fell, and drops of efFervefcence 
 u diftilled from his whole countenance*.'* 
 Immediately explofions of the moft mu- 
 fical intonation I had ever heard, iflued 
 from behind, and enraptured the whole 
 company. After this, he fucceffively 
 coughed, fneezed, hiccupped, erucUted, 
 fqueaked and whiftled in the moft har- 
 monious manner that can be conceived. 
 tc Thank heaven," cried the Signor, te my 
 tc powers of harmony are yet undiminifh- 
 " ed : I (hall llill live to blefs the world, 
 M and polifh this brutal nation." Saying 
 this, he took up his fiddle, and played 
 a moft divine folo. I heard him for fomc 
 time in filent ecftacy, till at length inca- 
 pable of fuppreffing my emotions any 
 longer, I precipitated myfelf into his 
 arms, crying or rather blubbering out in 
 
 * Tour, throuch Germany. 
 
 imitation
 
 [ 94 ] 
 
 imitation of the great Caffarclli *, Bravo ! 
 
 bravifjimo! Manfelli, e Qplliont che ti la 
 dice. The Signor feemed fomewhat fuiv 
 prized at my abrupt introduction, but at 
 length, recolleding himfelf, he received 
 me with ineffable politenefs. The ladies 
 at my appearance, had fhrieked, and left 
 the room, which in the firft hurry of our 
 embraces we had not perceived. But 
 prefently the Signor, glancing his eye 
 downwards, recollected himfelf, and laid 
 With fome warmth and emphafis, '« O, 
 «« fye, Signor Ccllioni, I took it for granted 
 
 * you were one of us." I blu(hed at the 
 imputation, and laid, " I hoped this de- 
 «* feet would not lefTen me in his efteem, 
 tC as my country was not yet fufficiently 
 " civilized to have adopted the cuftomj 
 " and though fome of our prime nobility 
 ** had had the fpirit and tafte to lead the 
 
 • way, yet in the grofs conceptions of 
 " the Englifh, there was a certain degree 
 u of ridicule annexed to it, which de- 
 
 * Tour through Germany. 
 
 ** terred
 
 tPSl 
 
 <s terred feveral men otherwife of the 
 
 <e moft exquifitepolitenefsfrom fubmitting 
 " to it." The Signor was kind enough to 
 admit my excufes, but lamented this as 
 the greateit obftacle to the national ad- 
 vancement in the fcience of mufic. How- 
 ever, he averred that feveral Englijh young 
 noblemen of fortune had to his know- 
 ledge undergone the operation in Italy^ 
 " and though," added he, " an ordinary 
 *' proficient may be exempted from the 
 <c practice, yet it is indifpenfibly necefTary 
 " for one who would fathom all the 
 € * myfieries of the art, to emulate the 
 ** illnftrious names of Senefino t Farinelli, 
 " 1 'enduca \ &c»" 
 
 I confefs I was much daggered at what 
 he faid, more efpecially as I began ro en- 
 tertain fome doubts myfelf whether the 
 characters of a man and a mulician were 
 at all compatible. 
 
 1 hinted to him, that I had formerly 
 heard that a certain great Perfonage, 
 tarn Marti quam Mercuiio, equally il- 
 
 luftrioixf
 
 I 9«3 
 
 luftrious for his martial and his mufical 
 talents* had adopted the practice ; but as 
 the Doctor had not recorded it in his tour 
 to Potzdam, I imagined the report was 
 without foundation. 
 
 " Ah !■■ faid he, " depend upon itj.tho* 
 *' the Doctor has indeed omitted this 
 '" circumftance in the admirable defcrip- 
 <e tion he gives of that hero, and Dilet- 
 *' tante pra&ifing his Jolfeggi at Potzdam, 
 <c yet he would never have been either the 
 '•' monarch, or the flutift he is without it. 
 «' Do you think, added he, that illuftrious 
 t( philofophercouldamufehimfelf fo calm- 
 «« ly in his clofet with fugues and adagios, 
 •• while ten thoufand Polijh widows, and 
 ** orphans, are imprecating curfes upon 
 * c the head of their unfeeling deftroyer, 
 ** unlcfs he had totally difengaged himfelf 
 *' from every incumbrance of his fex and 
 " fpecies ?** 
 
 Here the entrance of the young ladies 
 interrupted any further converfation on 
 the fubject The eldeft, his niece, who 
 
 was
 
 [97] 
 
 was called Gluckinelli Ingle/ma, defired 
 me to fing, which I did in the fofteft and 
 mofl unmanly tone I could exert, that I 
 might not again offend. I aiked her what 
 was her real opinion of my voice ? fhe 
 anfwered me with the moft perfect affa- 
 bility, that I acquitted myfelf tolerably 
 well confidering ', though " fhe thought 
 " me" (like Handel) ** too ambitious of 
 <e difplaying my talent of working parts 
 ft and fubjects, and added that my canti- 
 u lena was often rude." 
 
 I took an opportunity when I was alone 
 with this young lady, to enquire if the 
 cafirati were much in vogue at Brijiol, 
 and if that operation could be fafely 
 attempted on elderly gentlemen ; this 
 young lady fmiled at my fimplicity, and 
 affured me that the operation was fafe and 
 eafy, and not fo painful as to require any 
 degree of refolution, and that the cafirati 
 were the favourites of the ladies, both 
 married and unmarried. She advifed 
 me by all means to undergo the operation, 
 O as
 
 [98 ] 
 
 as the Doctor had done in Italy, tho' his 
 excefs of modefty prevented him from 
 boafting of it in his excellent treatife. 
 She added, that (he could not with fafety 
 love me, unlefs I would fubmit to this for 
 her fake. 
 
 This declaration from a young lady for 
 whom I now perceived I had imbibed the 
 moft ardent affection, gave me great un- 
 cafinefs ; that affection however was purely 
 platonic and fpiritual, for perfonal charms 
 (he had no more to boaft of, that ever I 
 difcovered, than the Mi?tgotti herfelf. Be- 
 iides the difadvantage of a contortion in 
 the ogle, vulgarly called a fquint of the 
 eye, and a very long red nofe, fhe had a 
 mouth, which tho' it opened from ear to 
 ear, difcovered to the eye nothing but a 
 dreary fcene of ruins ; the fad remains of 
 a fet of coal-black teeth. There was yet 
 another circumftance to difguft the fen- 
 fualift, and deter him from approaching 
 this Syren with an improper familiarity ; 
 and that was the great offenfivenefs of her 
 i breath,
 
 [99] 
 
 breath, which was fo violent, that any 
 perfon not " determined to hear, fee," and 
 fmell " nothing but mnfic" might have 
 thought it hardly atoned for by the fweet- 
 nefs of her voice. Yet none of thefe cir- 
 cumstances damped the ardour of my 
 fpiritual attachment, founded, as it was, 
 upon a folid bads, the love of fong ,—> 
 it was embodied harmony, the tuneful 
 foul which I adored. 
 
 The reader who is unacquainted with 
 the difference between a grofs fenfual 
 paflion, and a fublime, harmonic fympa- 
 thy, may perhaps be furpiized when I 
 tell him, that while I was thus devoted 
 to the divine Gluckinelli, I was at the fame 
 time perfonally captivated by the corpo- 
 real attractions of a little black-ey'd Gypfy, 
 the wife of a barber in the town, who 
 often fhaved me for a tune ; yet did not 
 thefe grofTcr feelings the lead impair or 
 abate my mufical platonic love. I might 
 perhaps be excufed, were I to conceal 
 the progrefs and iffue of thefe different 
 O 2. amours j
 
 I io° ] 
 amours ; but they are fo intimately blend- 
 ed with the fcientific part of my work, 
 and were attended with fuch important 
 confequcnces to myfelf in my profeffional 
 capacity, that the narration will I doubt 
 not prove of great utility to my brethren. — 
 For it was no common temptation that 
 deluded me ; though Mrs. Sharp- fet was 
 abundantly handfome, I could have re- 
 filled the blandifhments of beauty, if a 
 delire of making dangerous experiments 
 upon the power and effects of mulic upon 
 female paffion had not feized my brain. 
 For I had taken notice, that the imagin- 
 ation of this young woman was exceed- 
 ingly lively, and far out -ftripped her huf- 
 band's, who was a plain dull man with 
 little fire or enthufiafm in his compofi- 
 tion, I plainly perceived this in all her 
 geflures and movements, but when I fung 
 fome tender fentimental air, her involun- 
 tary iighs, blufhes, and languid attitude, 
 betrayed too plainly the iritability of her 
 serves, and that fine fufceptibility of foft 
 
 emotions
 
 [10. ] 
 
 emotions with which nature has endowed 
 the fex. No wonder that in a rude, un- 
 cultivated ftate of nature as I then was, I 
 caught the fubtle fire from her contagious 
 eyes. Ah! how often did I fing the 
 fweet pafjion of Love without once think- 
 ing of my dear Gluckinelli ; how often did 
 {he encore my O bow pleajing 'tis to pleafe, 
 without the flighted recollection of her 
 abfent barber ! Madly determined to pur- 
 fue the fatal experiment, and obferve the 
 full effects of my arts I next fung 
 *' Hafte, let us rove, to the IJland of Love" 
 at which Mrs. Sbarpfet was greatly agi- 
 tated and danced about the room. Then 
 I played a rapturous voluntary "produced 
 " in the happy moments of effervefcence 
 (i when my reafon was lefs powerful than 
 " my feeling •" and at length I proceeded 
 to fuch excefs of temerity, as to tune up 
 Geho Dobbin, Murdoch O'Blaney, and fe- 
 veral other inflammatory compofitions ; 
 and finding my miftrefs i( attentive, and 
 (i in a diffwfition to be pleafed, I became 
 
 " animated
 
 [ 102 ] 
 
 •f animated to that true pitch of enthufiafm, 
 «« which from the ardour of the fire within, 
 ft is communicated to others, and fets all 
 " around in a blaze, fo that the conten- 
 <£ tion between the performer and the hearer 
 " was only who Jhould pleafe or who Jhould 
 < c applaud the mofi," till at length, not con- 
 tented with " Jhewing her approbation by 
 1 coughing, hemming, and blowing the nofie, 
 " Jhe expreffed rapture in a manner pecu- 
 " liar to h erf elf, and fe erne d to agonize with 
 * c pleafure too great for the aching fenfe ! n 
 for at laft, overpowered by my quirking 
 and quavering, and tranfported beyond all 
 the bounds of prudence, Mrs. Sharpfet 
 on a fudden leaped into my arms, hung 
 round my neck, and devoured me with 
 eager kifTes, fuch as I never tafted before 
 nor fince. What man, what emafculated 
 god could have withftood fuch potent 
 fnares ? Ah ! my ferene Gluckinelli had'ft 
 thou been there, thefe tumults had all 
 fubfided, the devil had not gained the in tire 
 poiTeffion of my mind, voice and inftru- 
 
 ment - 2
 
 ( I0 3 ) 
 ment -, nor had I needed the painful ope- 
 ration of the barber's avenging fleel to 
 bring my wandering fpirits back to reafon : 
 — for foon, and in the midft of our illicit 
 joys, the door of the chamber was forced 
 
 open, and in rufhed Mr. Sharpfet. 
 
 Difcordant oaths and curfes, and the 
 look and voice of a Fury muttering an 
 incantation to awake the dead, befpoke 
 the injured hufband, and feared us from 
 the bed. He retired a moment to fetch 
 the inftrument of his revenge. Mrs. 
 Sbarpfet efcaped, but in an inftant I faw 
 him return whetting his keeneft razor; 
 and concluding, that he meant to cut my 
 throat upon the fpot, I fell down at his 
 feet, and in an agony of fear and peni- 
 tence, roared out fuch a Miserere, as 
 was never heard at the Pope's chapel in 
 Tajfion-izeek. Alas ! how did I wifh for 
 the genius of a Gluck, " to paint my dif- 
 *' jicult fituation occajioned by complicated 
 " mifery, and the tempefiuous fury of un- 
 " bridled pajjiws /" But Alkgri himfelf, 
 
 had
 
 ( i©4 ) 
 
 had he chanted his own Miserere, 
 could not have moved the fhaver's unre- 
 lenting foul, or Toothed his injured honour 
 up in arms, and demanding its victim ! I 
 tried a fofter flrain, and fang in melting 
 mood, " Let not rage thy Bofom firing, 
 <c pity's fofter claim remove," &c. but it 
 was all in vain : ftill trapped he his in- 
 exorable razor, humming out a fong of 
 Bravura, the fubjedt of which was the 
 caftration of the devil by a baker; 
 (which, by the bye, is a very curious ftory, 
 whole authenticity I mud enquire into 
 farther at my leifure.) I immediately 
 augured my approaching deftiny from the 
 burden of this fong; and the Cornuto 
 prefently gave me to underftand that my 
 conjecture was well founded. Having 
 been till now in a cold-fweat, and corporal 
 fear of my life, I congratulated myfelf on 
 this exchange of puniihment, as a fort of 
 reprieve, and confidering that I had fome 
 time fince refolved, like another Grajfetto*, 
 
 * Tour through Germany, &c» 
 
 to
 
 [ *°5 J 
 to undergo the operation whenever I found 
 myfelf bold enough for fuch a voluntary 
 facrirke ; I plucked up courage, and with 
 great compofure told the barber, that a 
 guilty confcience was a greater torment to 
 me than any he could devife ; that I fin- 
 cerely regretted that my pieces had not 
 been like Scbwanbergerj t " full of 
 *' pleajing effects, produced by fair and 
 " honourable means •," but that to expiate 
 the crime I had committed, and ap- 
 peafe the anger of heaven, and the honed 
 man whom 1 1 had fo deeply offended, I 
 would patiently fubmit to fuffer the 
 righteous fentence which his vengeance 
 meditated on the peccant part. The 
 enraged tonfor took me at my word. 
 
 #v i* al> dk- jk. ^ii &. Jtb 
 
 VR ?F <P x|r V VT?TT 
 
 The firft thing that came into my thoughts 
 after i awoke from the fainting fit, into 
 which the paroxifm of pain had thrown 
 me, was* to try my voice in its improved 
 P ftate.
 
 [ I0<> ] 
 
 ft ate. I accordingly fung A Dawn of 
 Hope my Soul 'revives, and found my 
 powers wonderfully improved, and my 
 execution delicate, interefting, and full of 
 effects. " Ho, ho," cries the barber, " I 
 * am glad to find you are fo merry," and 
 refumed his old tune of the baker and the 
 devil. 1 told him I thought it unkind in 
 him to infult me, and intreated him 
 to convey me home, which he very readily 
 confented to do, and foon afterwards be- 
 <*an to apologize for the effects of his 
 rage, hoping I would confider the nature 
 of the provocation, and not attempt to 
 take the law of him. I anfwercd, that 
 upon condition he would freely pardon 
 his wife, whofe fault was venial, as her 
 virtue had fallen a facrifice to the power 
 of harmony, I would decline any hoftilg- 
 proceedings again ft him on my own ac- 
 count, with which condition he appeared 
 fatisfied, and we parted. — I was brought 
 home on a mule, on which I rode fide- 
 ways j and as ibon as I alighted at Signor 
 
 ManJHItt
 
 t *°7 ] 
 
 Manjell'is I fent for him into my chamber, 
 and accofted him as he approached with 
 the following air, in finging which I ex* 
 erted all my newly- acquired powers. 
 
 Bear, O bear me on ajudden, 
 
 Some kindjiroke offmiling chance ! 
 
 From this land of beef and pudding. 
 To dear Italy or France ! 
 
 During my performance, the Signor ap- 
 peared perfectly aftonifhed, and at length 
 feizing my hand with rapture, " welcome," 
 he cried, •* O fon of harmony ! it cannot 
 e< be longer difguifed, you are a brother— 
 " you are one of us"— then expatiating 
 on the dignity and importance of the 
 order of cafirati, he defired me, if not 
 too much exhaufted, to fing again his 
 favourite air, which when I had done 
 he cried out with tranfport ;— " nee vox 
 " hominem fonat ! I can hardly believe it 
 * * is the fame pipe ! fuch a volume of voice y 
 ^ fuch an open and perfeel fiake / fuch 
 P 2 " unclouded
 
 [ io8] 
 
 " unclouded light and Jhade ! fitch clear- 
 " nefs, brilliancy, neat nefs y expreffion^ em- 
 «* bdlijhment, intonation, firmnefs, modula- 
 " tion, fmoothnefs and elegance I and then 
 " your portamento is as round and tight 
 f as a portmanteau, and you take appo- 
 u giatura, as eajily as a body would take a 
 " pinch of JhujfT 
 
 I was greatly flattered by thefe en- 
 comiums, but begged he would forbear, 
 and fufFer me to retire to my chamber, 
 for the fake of necefiary refreshment and 
 red. He immediately complied, and fent 
 up to me Doctor Sougelder, an eminent 
 furgeon and man-midwife in the neigh- 
 bourhood, very expert in vocal manu- 
 facture*, and an agreeable performer on 
 the ILnglifo horn ; who, having applied 
 an excellent dreiling to my wound, left 
 me to fleep, and " thus ended tlpis bufy 
 
 * Among the fingers there are at prefent fifteen caitruti, 
 the court having in rs fervice two Bolcgna furgeons, ex- 
 pert in this vocal manufacture." 
 
 \£dtJ R THROUGH Ge ft MANY, &C. 
 
 " aud
 
 t 109 ] 
 
 •* and important day, in which Jo much 
 u was faid, and done, that it feemed to 
 " contain the events of a much longer pe- 
 u riod ; and I could hardly perfuade my- 
 " filft u P on fecolleBing the fever al inci- 
 lt dents, that they had all happened in about 
 u the fp ace of twelve hours." By the kind 
 and ikilful offices of Doctor Sougelder, I 
 was foon reftored to my health and fpi- 
 rits j and my adorable Signora Gluckinelli 
 in a few days paid me a vifit of congra- 
 tulation, which (he repeated every day 
 during my recovery. It was in fome of 
 thefe delightful interviews I difcovered 
 how deep a theorift me was, and how 
 learned in the fcience of found. Among 
 other difcoveries and obfervations which 
 me communicated to me, and which I 
 t! cafure up, and mean to preferve for the 
 benefit of future ages, me difclofed to 
 me her real opinion concerning that im- 
 poitant fubjed: the flake. She affured 
 me that it was ,c practicable with time 
 st and patience to give a fhake where nature 
 
 " has
 
 [ II© ] 
 
 " has denied it ; that Jhe thought, the 
 *' Jhake ruined ninety-time times out of a 
 *l hundred by too much impatience and pre- 
 ft cipitation, both in the mafter and fcholar, 
 " and that many who can execute parages 
 " which require the fame motion of the 
 *' larynx as the Jhake, have notwithjland- 
 et ing never acquired one *."——«« 'There is 
 < c no accounting for thil" added that jl- 
 lufhious young lady, with a figh, " but 
 "from the n eg /eel of the mafier to Jludy 
 li nature, and avail himfelf of thefe paf- 
 "fagest which by continuity would become 
 <£ real Jhakes." '* . 
 
 During my confinement to my cham- 
 ber, I have had leifure to extract the 
 foregoing obfervations, anecdotes, and 
 adventures from my journal, and which 
 I prefent to the world as the firft fruits of 
 my undertaking. If they tend in any 
 
 * ** Bo'h Pliny and the London poulterers agree that 
 a capon does not crow, which 1 ihould conceive to arife 
 from the mufcles of the larynx never acquiring the proper 
 degree of ftrength." 
 
 Pbilofoph;cal Tranfafiions. Lad Volume, 
 
 ft) ape
 
 (Ill ] 
 
 fhape to promote the ftudy and practice 
 of mufic in this country, and by that 
 means lefTen our national reproach of be- 
 ing The favages of Europe, immerfed in 
 politics, philofophy, metaphyfics, mathe- 
 matics, and other four and abftrufe fpe- 
 culations, I mail have gained my end, 
 and (hall congratulate myfelf on having 
 in fome humble degree aflifted the gene- 
 rous efforts of the great Giardini, Bumey, 
 and the governors of the Foundling Hof- 
 pital, to poJifh and Italianize the genius, 
 tafte, and manners of the Eng/i/h nation. 
 As foon as I had perfectly recovered my 
 health, Signor Manfelli inftituted a grand 
 "Fete Champetre to celebrate what he was 
 pleafed to call my victory over the flefh 
 and the devil; and to crown the whole, 
 tits fair Gluckinelli was that day pleafed 
 to condefcend publicly to avow her pla- 
 tonic harmonic paffion for me 5 and to 
 promife me in the mod endearing man- 
 ner, that if ever (he entered into the holy 
 ftate of matrimony, I lhould be her Ck- 
 
 ciscko;
 
 1 "2 3 
 
 cisbeo; in which character (he was 
 pleafed to fay, I mould ftiU have frequent 
 opportunities of entertaining her, both 
 with my voice, and my inflrument. 
 
 
 T H E E N E>, 
 
 .
 
 APPENDIX: 
 
 BY 
 
 NAT. COLLIER, 
 
 SCHOOL-MASTER. 
 
 YE S !— I will difcharge that duty 
 which my confanguinity and friend- 
 ship with the illuftrious Collier, as well 
 as his particular injunctions have impofed 
 upon me j although my pen drops from 
 my fingers, and my feelings, as a man, al- 
 moft incapacitate me to perform the tafk 
 of an author, when I find myfelf obliged 
 to inform the civilized inhabitants of the 
 world in general, and the people of Eng- 
 land in particular, that that great man, and 
 unparalleled mufician, is no more ! O 
 death, thou unrelenting foe to human ex- 
 cellence, how haft thou filenced the fweet- 
 eft baffoon, and unftrung the moft harmo- 
 nious fiddle that ever enraptured a mortal 
 \A\ ear!
 
 ( * ) 
 
 ear ! — But alas ! Dr. Burney, and Signoc 
 Giardini themfelves, muft yield to fate, 
 and join the great Caftrati of other times ! 
 It is now no feafon to indulge my private 
 forrows, and therefore I haften to gratify 
 the public curiofity with fome particulars 
 relative to that mournful and important 
 event. 
 
 Mr. Joel Collier, as may be eallly per- 
 ceived in his writings, was a man of a 
 mild and inoffenfive difpofition, as well 
 as fine tafte, and exquilite fenfibility. 
 During his flay at Bri/lol, he had received 
 fome tin&ure of methodifm 5 which acci- 
 dent, joined to the continual reproaches 
 of his wife, a woman of little refinement, 
 and a very difagreeable temper, feemed to 
 have thrown him into an unufual degree, 
 of melancholy. But this apparent alte- 
 ration in his manner did not much difturb 
 me, as I thought the lofs he had fuftaxned 
 might naturally diminifh his vivacity, 
 without injuring his health. At length, 
 one day, after having exhibited his hand- 
 organ
 
 ( 3 ) 
 
 organ at a country wake, he exprefled 
 fome doubts about the lawfulness of play- 
 ing any other than church-mufic ; and 
 begged me to bear him company in fing- 
 ing the 104th Pfalm. This I readily com- 
 plied with, but refolved to be very atten- 
 tive to all his future motions. 
 
 The next Sunday, after having heard a 
 fermon upon a text taken from the Reve- 
 lations, he invited me to drink a pot of 
 beer, and fmoke a pipe with him at his 
 own houfe. Mrs. Collier being abfent, 
 he took that opportunity to fpeak to me 
 with great force and freedom, upon what 
 he was pleafed to call the levities of his 
 former life, in a carnal ftate. He princi- 
 pally lamented his having been fiddler to 
 the dancing bears, and having officiated 
 in that character, at a celebrated fchool 
 where grown gentlemen are taught to 
 dance allemandes and cotillons. He faid, 
 that from his own experience, he could 
 affirm, that thefe places were feminaries 
 of debauchery -, and did not doubt, that 
 [ A 2 J all
 
 ( 4 ) 
 
 all amufements of the fame kind, though 
 
 more fafhionable and polite, were liable 
 to the fame imputation. He fpoke 
 with great indignation of a certain pro- 
 mifcuous club of gentlemen and ladies of 
 quality, which he called an infamous 
 and notorious brothel, where the fmall 
 remains of decency and chaftity, which 
 before its inftitution had fubfifted among 
 the inhabitants of this ifland, had been 
 interred ; and he recollected, with infinite 
 pleafure, his having once refufed to offi- 
 ciate as candle-fnuffer at a mafquerade. 
 I Was furprized to hear him talk in this 
 manner, as I had always known him to 
 be a contented, unmeddling man j won- 
 derfully fubmiffive to his betters, as moil 
 fiddlers are, and rarely reading the news- 
 papers, but in order to find advertifements 
 for new tunes. He then mentioned, with 
 great contrition, the fin he had committed 
 with the barbels wife at Briftol, but ad- 
 ded with a figh, he hoped it was atoned 
 
 for by the great punifhment he had un- 
 dergone -,
 
 l.jf'Ji 
 
 gone j and that he mould hereafter be at-* 
 lowed a Teat with the four and twenty el- 
 ders of Ifrael. Thefe words, and the 
 looks that accompanied them, made me 
 tremble for his reafon, as I knew that fa- 
 culty was ordinarily not very ftrong irt ■ 
 gentlemen of his profefllon. His coun- 
 tenance, however, inftantly brightened 
 up, and he talked with great copioufnefs 
 and refignation of the infinite benefits of 
 caflration, which he called Regeneration, 
 and a new creature, a profitable lofs, a 
 fource of celeftial promotion, and a fym- 
 phony of heavenly mufic to his foul. He 
 would earneftly recommend it, hefaid, to 
 men-midwives, dancing-mailers, mufic- 
 mafters, and all other gentlemen whofe 
 profeflions expofe them to continual 
 temptations with the fair fex. By thefe 
 means, he faid, infinite diforders might be 
 prevented, and the honor of many families 
 preferved : for how is it poftible, added 
 he, that a lady, either fingle or married, 
 fhould confine herfelf within the bounds 
 
 of
 
 ( 6 ) 
 
 of decency, when to deftroy all natural 
 delicacy, and to impart an artificial fenfi- 
 bility, both to mind and body, is the a- 
 vowed end of all prefent female education ? 
 Poor deluded Mrs. Sbarpfet, was a fatal 
 example of this j and he doubted not, that 
 every town in England, which was inferr- 
 ed with fingers and fiddlers, and fuch ver- 
 min (as he was then pleafed to call them) 
 could furnifli many fimilar inftances. 
 
 Though thefe fentiments were very 
 juft, yet he inflantly added others, which 
 bore the ftrongeft marks of infanity. He 
 told me, that he intended, if the fate of 
 his Travels mould produce a fufEcien* 
 fum to defray his expences, to pay a vifit 
 to Rome, as he was pre-deftined to convert 
 the Pope, and all the Caflrati of that city : 
 and when I deiired a tune upon his hand- 
 organ, thinking it might be a mean of 
 compofing his mind, he anfwered gravely, 
 that he would never play a tune upon any 
 other organ than Joachim Wagners. Here 
 the converfati®n was interrupted by the 
 
 entrance
 
 ( 7 ) 
 
 entrance of Mrs. Collier, to whom I pri? 
 vately took an opportunity of recommend- 
 ing the health of her hufband, and then 
 went away. Two days after, as Mr. Col- 
 Her was vifibly declining, I fent for Dr. 
 Gruel, a very famous phyfician in that 
 neighbourhood, and to Dr. Columbo, ano. 
 ther great medical writer, who was then 
 happily upon a vifit to the former. The 
 mefTenger found one of thefe illuftrious 
 men ftirring a decoction of hemlock, with 
 a hemlock flick, as he fo juftly recom- 
 mends in his excellent book about guts ; 
 and the other ventilating through a quill, 
 with a certain natural machine, into a tea 
 bafon of lime-water, to evince the pre- 
 fence of fixable air in the animal reButn* 
 Thefe great men jointly prefcribed, ac- 
 cording to the principles of the new 
 practice, hemlock and an aerial clyfter. 
 
 On the Thurfday following, I was, at 
 my coufin's earned: recjueft, fent for to his 
 bedfide, as in fpite of the repeated dofes of 
 )iemlock he had taken;, his health became 
 
 hourly
 
 ( I ) 
 
 hourly worfe. I found him betwixt his 
 two doctors, in the fituation of Socrates ; 
 one was prefenting the Athenian bever- 
 age, while the other was endeavouring to 
 recruit the lofs of animal fpirits, by in- 
 flating the contents of fifteen ox-bladders, 
 filled with fixable air ; both the doctors 
 afTured me their practice was infallible, 
 and yet I could not help forming unfa- 
 vourable prognostics of it, from the pale 
 and emaciated looks of my kinfman. 
 They received me with great cordiality, 
 and entreated me to ling him two or three 
 flaves out of St em bold and Hopkins, in 
 which I acquitted myfelf very much to 
 his fatisfaction j and, at my defire, the 
 two medical gentlemen joined their voices. 
 In the middle of this exercife, Mr. Collier 
 happening to hear the chimes of the parifh 
 church, darted up, and with great vocife- 
 ration affirmed, they were the carillojts 
 of Harkim. I reminded him that we 
 were in England, at an immenfe diftance 
 from Harleim ; he anfwered, he knew 
 4 that
 
 ( 9 ) 
 that very well, but that he had the gift 
 oifecond- hearing — that's wonderful, cried 
 I — Not at all, replied he, the fecond- 
 hearing is only wonderful becaufe it is 
 rare, for confidered in itfelf, it involves no 
 more difficulty than the fccond-Jtght* the 
 Cock-lane ghoft, or the cogitative faculty. 
 Here one of the phyficians, who is a tall, 
 black man, with a pug-nofe, and wide 
 mouth,defiring my coufin tocompofe him- 
 felf,he ftared wildly upon the doctor, called 
 him thedevil that ufed to dance upon Joa- 
 chim Wagner § organ, and afked him whathe 
 did there without Dr. Burneys leave ? but 
 in this his memory doubtlefs had failed 
 him as well as his underftanding ; for it 
 was an angel, and not a fiend, which Mr. 
 Wagner had fuperfixed to that excellent 
 piece of machinery. The phyficians be- 
 ing fomewhat difcompofed at this extra- 
 vagance, withdrew, and Mr. Collier in- 
 (lantly becoming calmer, began a conver- 
 fation about his own Mu (leal Travels. He 
 faid, that what he chiefly regretted in this 
 indifpofition, was his being difqualified 
 for making thofe alterations in his work 
 
 [ B ] which
 
 ( 10 ) 
 
 which he meditated, and that he fincerely 
 lamented having beftowed fo much time 
 and labour upon fuch unprofitable vanities 
 as prophane mufic, which he now was 
 convinced was one of the allurements 
 which Satan makes ufe of to entice tin- 
 wary mortals to their perdition. For, 
 laid he, I have obferved with very great 
 regret, that among the higher clafs of peo- 
 ple, this love of (ing-fong, and fa, la, al- 
 ways occafions a general depravity of cha- 
 racter, and only fubfifts by the total neg- 
 lect of every fuperior qualification. What 
 has it produced in this country ? our no- 
 blemen are become fiddlers inftead of 
 ftatefmen, and their wives and daughters 
 have exchanged the modeft and amiable 
 qualities which once adorned them, for 
 meritricious airs, and a meritricious con- 
 duct. The young women too of an infe- 
 rior rank> inftead of being taught one fin- 
 gle thing, which might be ufeful to them- 
 felves, or advantageous to their families, 
 are folely inftru&ed in thofe arts, which 
 our wifer forefathers imagined were bet- 
 ter adapted to courtefans than to modeft 
 
 \y omea,.
 
 ( II ) 
 
 women. Hence, added he, in a louder 
 voice than could have been expected in his 
 prefent flate, libertinifm is increafed at tlfe 
 expence of honourable love, domeftip dif- 
 eord invades the peace of families, fidd- 
 lers, opera-dancers, and hair-dreffers flam 
 the bed of nobles j and every diforder 
 which is the fure forerunner of national 
 destruction extends its ravages in this de- 
 voted country. Among the lower clafles 
 of mankind; what elfe has the tafle for 
 mufic ever produced but drunkennefs, 
 idlenefs, and diffipation ? thofe whom na- 
 ture intended t6 be ufeful to fociety as 
 manufacturers or labourers, are elevated 
 above their fphere, brought up to ufelefs 
 arts, and taught to prey upon that public, 
 which they would have ferved or protect- 
 ed, had they been permitted to follow their 
 original deftination. And I would fain 
 know what one advantage thefe deftructive 
 trifles have ever produced to any one na- 
 tion under the fun ? are not the Italians, 
 from whom this pelt has- been originally 
 tranfmitted to us, examples of the moil 
 difgraceful vices, as well as the worft go- 
 [ B 2 U vernment>
 
 ( 12 ) 
 
 Vwrnment, and the extremeft poverty, (the 
 infeparable companions of fuch frivolous 
 fciences) even under the mild eft climate, 
 and the moft fertile foil of Europe ? even 
 thofe Electors of Germany, for whom, 
 added he, I have the greateft refpect, for 
 their civil treatment of my harmonious 
 friend, and their frequent prefents to him 
 of jugged hares and venifon-pafties, are in 
 reality much fitter for caflrati than princes. 
 What is it to the miferable fubjecls who 
 fufFer the accumulated evils of oppreflion 
 and poverty, while their gracious fove- 
 reign is applying the whole energy of his 
 genius to an adagio—what is it to them 
 that a new eunuch is added to the 
 fcreaming tribe, who defraud them of the 
 price of their toils, or that an Englifh mu- 
 fic-mafter is fed upon cold partridges, and 
 admitted to hear their royal mafter warble 
 fongs of Bravura ? 
 
 I had liftened with great attention to 
 this long harangue, which was fo unlike 
 the ufual converfation of my coufin, both 
 in ftile and fentiment, that I feared his 
 intellects were difordered -, but what fol- 
 lowed
 
 ( 13 ) 
 
 lowed feemcd (till more wild and incohe- 
 rent. He told me, that he was afraid his 
 Travels, which he protefled were written 
 with the pureft intentions, mightdo much 
 hurt in the world, by contributing to the 
 prefent mufical extravagance ; but that, if 
 he lived, he would make ample amends, 
 by undertaking a fecond journey through 
 England, in which it mould be his fole 
 bufinefs to enquire into the pafl and pre- 
 fent ftate of the organ in every capital town 
 and he was not without hopes that the pi- 
 ous Dr. Samuel John/on might be prevailed 
 upon to accompany him. For my coulin 
 had obferved,with great grief, that in many 
 churches he had vifited, part of the gild- 
 ing had been facrilegioufly fcratched off 
 the organ ; which he fuppofed was effect- 
 ed by the nails of the charity- children, 
 who generally occupy the contiguous 
 feats, with a prophane intent to decorate 
 their gingerbread watches with the holy 
 fpoils. And although he was not fo un- 
 charitable as to wilh, (in imitation of that 
 great traveller to the Weftern Ides,) that 
 the little pilfe;eis might have no dinner 
 4 '"U
 
 ( H ) 
 
 Hill they had ate the denuded pieces, ye£ 
 he treated the contemptible philofophy of 
 the age, which winked at fuch impious 
 practices, with as much poignancy and 
 fe verity, by exclaiming that cathedrals 
 were the only fupports of true religion ? 
 that if bells, which ferve to awaken the 
 biihops j and choirifters, which lull them 
 to fleep ; were abolifhed, there would be 
 no difference betwixt high -church and 
 low-church ; bifhops themfelves would 
 foon be turned out of their flails, and cpif- 
 copacy being extinct:, there would be a 
 horrid chafm in the creation. He then, 
 with great fervency, thanked God, that 
 he had formerly been enabled to refift the 
 temptation of a dinner upon roaft-beef 
 and plumb-pudding, to which he had 
 been invited by the vicar of a country- 
 church, but had declined, becaufe, during 
 the fervice, he had obferved the parfon 
 omit bowing to the communion-table, and 
 afterwards heard him refufe to bottle up 
 the remains of the confecrated wine as a 
 remedy fo.r the hooping-cough. 
 
 Where
 
 ( 15 ) 
 
 Where organs were wanting In his in- 
 tended tour, he meant to give an accurate 
 hiftory of the carillons and church-clock. 
 He confeffed, with a figh, that, in this 
 particular, his natural prefumption had fo 
 puffed him up, that he had dared to de- 
 viate from his great original \ and yet, 
 added he, with much apparent compla- 
 cency, in no one other refpect can I be 
 accufed of taking fuch liberties ; for as to 
 a fingle obfervation upon the foil, agri- 
 culture, manufactories, or government of 
 any one part of the world which I have 
 feen, my book is as unexceptionable as 
 that of the Doctor himfelf. On the con- 
 trary, confeious of my infufficiency to 
 produce any thing of my own, worthy the 
 public attention, I have applied myfelf t» 
 the imitating, as exa&ly as poiTible, the 
 three greatefr. works which the prefent age 
 }ias given birth to ; the Letters of a late 
 noble Earl to his dear boy; the Mu Ileal 
 Tour to the Continent j and the much ad- 
 mired Tour thro Sicily and Malta. I told 
 him, that he certainly could not have pro- 
 pofed to himfelf rjobler rnodejs, either of
 
 ( i6 ) 
 
 fentiment or eompofition. This, faid he, 
 is my comfort and fupport againft ma- 
 ny of the objections which I have heard 
 made to my work ; for although I confefs 
 my adventure with Mrs. Sharpfet to have 
 been contrary to religion, morality, and my 
 own principles; yet who can blame me for 
 relating it, when in the fir ft moft excel- 
 lent work, he has (ccn a father exhorting 
 his fon to adultery, and inftru&ing him in 
 thofe gentleman-like arts, by which he 
 may triumph over the chaflity of a mar- 
 ried woman, and effect the dilhonour of a 
 hufband, who had received him with un- 
 fifpecting hofpitality and friendship ? I 
 know, continued he, that feveral perfons 
 have blamed me for accepting the dram 
 and the cow-heel from Mr. Bangor, as 
 well as the fruit from Mr. Brazen, and 
 his brother- aldermen. As to the latter 
 article, I could not poflibly divine that 
 the pine -apples and melons were pilfered, 
 from the pittance of an alms-houfe, v and 
 the gripes I fufTered in confequence of 
 eating them upon a^ fafting-ftomach, 
 
 would
 
 ( I? ) 
 
 Would have been fufficient atonement 
 for a greater crime. But with refpedt to 
 the charge of meannefs in accepting pre- 
 sents in general, I have even there impli- 
 citly adopted the manners and opinions 
 of my betters ; for after having deflroyed 
 all kind of principle and honefty in his 
 fon ; after having conjured him by all his 
 hopes of preferment, to deceive every 
 man, and debauch every woman who fell 
 in his way; (which his lordfhip judging, 
 I fuppofe, from his own heart, accounts 
 a very eafy matter) what nobler end does 
 that right honourable moralifr. propofe to 
 his pupil, what greater honour or reward 
 for all his hypocrify, grimaces and graces > 
 than that of becoming the dependant of 
 fomeminifter, or fome minifler's miftrefs ? 
 I faid, his obfervations were perfectly 
 juft, that the book he mentioned was de- 
 fervedly efteemed in this nation, as con- 
 taining the only fyftem of morals and 
 education adapted to people of fafhion, 
 and that it mud: foon fuperfede all other 
 [ C \ works
 
 ( i« ) 
 
 works of the fame nature, and be taught 
 
 at our fchools and univerfities ; at which 
 lafl I hoped to fee a flatue of the pureft 
 marble, expreffive of the gratitude of the 
 Britim nation, eredted to the fair edi- 
 trefs, who, with a zeal for reformation, 
 which fcorns the prudifh fcruples of de- 
 cency, had, for the benefit of the younger 
 part of our boarding-fchools, tranflated 
 into plain Englim, fuch high-flavoured 
 fentiments, as his lordfhip's falfe delicacy 
 had induced him to wrap up in a foreign 
 language. 
 
 Many people, Mr. Collier faid, had 
 thought him guilty offpeaking too much 
 of himfelf in his own celebrated work ; 
 but he begged, if any accident mould 
 happen to him, I would inform the world > 
 that this, fo far from being the effect of 
 his prefumption, proceeded entirely from 
 his fcrupulous adherence to thofe. two 
 moftfinifhed accounts of travels the world 
 has ever feen. Their ingenious authors, 
 faid he, have filled volumes by writing 
 
 about
 
 ( *9 ) 
 
 about themfelves j by informing the world 
 
 what they ate for fupper, or breakfaft -, 
 and whether they ilept upon ftraw or a 
 matrafs. Nay, the Sicilian traveller is fo 
 fond of himfelf, that he cannot drop the 
 fubjett even in the midft of a temped: ; 
 though I believe he is the firft gentleman 
 that ever wrote letters under the influence 
 of fea-ficknefs. In another place, he 
 envies the fuperflitious fooleries of the 
 moft ignorant of the Roman Catholics, 
 merely that he may have an opportunity 
 of telling the world, that he is a great 
 philofopher, and then he ceafes to be a 
 great philofopher, that he may fill feveral 
 pages with the hiftory of a fprain in his 
 ancle; tho' indeed he does not mention, at 
 laft,whether he rubbed it with opodeldcck 
 or arquebufade water, which I think is a 
 great neglect in fo accurate a journalift*. 
 
 As 
 
 * After eating a hearty dinner ivith many friends at Mr. 
 Walter t t and di inking plentifully of bis excellent Burgun- 
 dy, Stc. Tour through Sicily, &c. 
 
 All
 
 ( »• ) 
 
 As I was afraid he might injure him- 
 felf in his prefent ftate of weaknefs, by 
 difcourfing upon fubje&s which vifibly 
 interefted him fo much, I begged him to 
 compofe himfelf. I told him that envy 
 itfelf mufl allow his work to be a faith- 
 ful imitation of his originals, and perfect- 
 ly confident with all the rules of writing 
 acknowledged by the prefent age. For- 
 merly, indeed, it was thought a work of 
 fome difficulty to become an author $ vi- 
 iionary minds, imbibed with ftrange ideas 
 of excellence, and prejudiced by reading 
 pedantic ancients in languages no man of 
 fafhion at prefent underftands, prepared 
 themfelves for this extraordinary charac- 
 ter by long vigils, and emaciating labours ; 
 and it was thought necelTary for a man, 
 to know fomething himfelf before he at- 
 tempted to inftruct others. But modern 
 
 Ml wrong — fick to death — execrable Jirrcec ivind, and 
 direclly ccntrorj — vile heaving nva<ves — Ibid. 
 
 We had an excellent dijh of tea, the mofi refr?Jhing and 
 ftgntablt 1 ever drank in all my life. ibid. 
 
 difcoveries
 
 ( a ) 
 
 difcoveries have happily difincumbered uj 
 of thefe embarraffing conftraints, and it 
 is no longer in academic walks, or mufty 
 college-walls, or philofophical folitude, 
 that the Genius of Literature imparts 
 her myfteries to her votaries ; but in. 
 opera-houfes, at hazard-tables, coteries, 
 mafquerades, and every other place of 
 fafhionable refort. Is a lady tired of do- 
 meftic employments, or thrown into hyf- 
 terics by too affiduous an attention to her 
 family ? — (he writes works of fen timent. 
 Is an obfcure perfon fent abroad with fomc 
 rawyou th of fortune to pack up his clothes, 
 and prepare his break faft ? — he writes 
 travels. Is fome fiddler weary of offi- 
 ciating at boarding- fchools, and directing 
 the vibrations of young ladies' ringers ? — ■ 
 he commences writer, deluges us with 
 mufic, and fills large volumes with pom- 
 pous anecdotes of fuperannuated caftrati. 
 Thus does our literature gradually re- 
 ceive the fame improvement as our man- 
 ners, and a per feci coalition is at length 
 j, happily
 
 ( up ) 
 
 happily formed betwixt the fine gentle- 
 man and the author. That dogmatical 
 ignorance which decides upon all fubjects 
 without having examined any j that pe- 
 tulant levity which fkims the furface of 
 fciences, without ever attempting to dive 
 deeper ; and that continual egotifm 
 which perpetually calls the attention of 
 the company upon its own moll trifling 
 and uninterefting actions, are equally the 
 characterise of one and the other. 
 
 Mr. Collier feemcd much pleafed and 
 comforted by thefe obfervalions, and I, 
 thinking repofe might be ufeful to him, 
 withdrew. The next morning I went to 
 enquire after his health at 1 1 o'clock, 
 but was told he had paffed a very unquiet 
 and feverim night. Upon my entrance 
 into the room he raifed himfelf in his 
 bed, and told me he found himfelf fo 
 weak and faint, that he began to defpair 
 of his recovery. He faid, that he had, 
 contrary to the advice of his apothecary, 
 t?.kcn ibme Daffy s Elixir, which haddif- 
 
 agreed
 
 ( 23 ) 
 
 agreed with him ; but, he begged, if he 
 mould do otherwife than well, that Mr. 
 Hipps, (which was the apothecary's name) 
 might not be fufFered publickly to impute 
 his death to that circumftance ; or to 
 write a pamphlet againfl the ufe of a 
 medicine which had been his vade mc~ 
 cum in all his journies ; and had, in 
 many cafes, afforded him great relief. I 
 affured him that no fuch thing mould be 
 attempted, for that I myfelf would take 
 care to explain that matter to the world. 
 After fome further converfation he deli- 
 vered to me his manufcripts, which he 
 empowered me to, make what ufe I 
 pleafed of. He then deilred me, (as he 
 faid, heconfidered his fituation to be def- 
 perate) to try that ingenious method ot 
 practice which is propofed in the Tour 
 through Sicily and Malta. I accordingly 
 affiftcd him in putting on a flannel, and 
 after that, a (ilk waiftcoat, which the 
 fquire of the parilh was kind enough to 
 lend him t to prevent the little fenfibility 
 
 which 

 
 ( *4 ) 
 
 which remained from efcaping through 
 the pores of the (kin. I then repeatedly 
 applied feveral fhocks of electricity to dif- 
 ferent parts of his body, as the ingenious 
 author and F.R.S. recommends,with a view- 
 to impart a fupply of vital powers : he 
 liaving not only difcovered that Sir Ifaae 
 
 Newton was very ignorant of aftronomy, 
 but that the whole folar and animal fyf* 
 tern, together with the puerperal fever* 
 depend entirely upon electricity*. But 
 this experiment not fucceeding, I defired 
 Mrs. Collier, who had a very ftronghead 
 
 * See the admirable diflertation upon comets; upon 
 he prcfiure of the air ; upon the cure of difeafes ;. and 
 the treatment of pregnant ladies ; together with feveral 
 other philofophical difcoveries, interfperfed in the above 
 mentioned Tour • particularly, a molt curious account 
 of Archimedes' burning-glafles, in which that great geo- 
 metrician is proved to have hoifted the Roman gallies to 
 the height of feveral thoufand feet in the air, that he 
 might have them *' in a right line betwixt him and the 
 . fun," and then amufe himfelf at his Ieifure, by firing 
 them with parabolic fpecula. It is no wonder that Mr. 
 Collier fhould pay the greatefl deference to the phyfica! 
 opinions of fo univerfal a genius ; but had he underftcod 
 mathematics as well as he did mufic, his admiration 
 tveu'ld have been much tngmented. 
 
 Of
 
 ( *5 ) 
 of hair, which had not known powder 
 nor pomatum, nor even a comb for feve- 
 ral months, to (land upon a cake of wax, 
 while I elicited electricity out of her 
 treffes, upon her poor expiring hufband. 
 To this me very obligingly confented, but 
 without effect j for though me permitted 
 me to try every experiment fuggefted by 
 that truly philofophical traveller, together 
 with fome improvements in the method 
 of combing, to which her hufband's lan- 
 guid condition induced her to fubmit, I 
 conld not perceive any vifible alteration 
 in the health of the patient ; but this I 
 attributed to the non-electric flate of the 
 atmofphere. 
 
 Mr. Collier then defired me to defifr, 
 and leave him in repofe during the fhort 
 time he had yet to live. He thanked me 
 affectionately for my attention to him 
 during his lad illnefs. He recommended 
 his wife and children to my care, whofe 
 circumftances, he faid, he mould lament, 
 if he had not deferved too well of the 
 [ D ] public,
 
 ( 26 ) 
 
 public, to doubt it's gratitude towards his 
 family. He declared himfelf an enemy 
 to all oftentation, and begged that no fta- 
 tue might be erected, at the public ex- 
 pence, to his memory ; though, faid he, 
 mould the parliament chufe to bury me 
 in Weftminfter-abbey, near the tomb of 
 Handel, I would not have my executors 
 oppofe it, He took that opportunity of 
 declaring the moft loyal and conftitutional 
 fentiments ; and though he had been 
 bred, like a certain high ornament of the 
 law, in a wrong political perfuafion, and 
 had formerly picked up many a fixpence, 
 by playing Over the Water to Charley, be- 
 fore that great man's door, yet, like him 
 too, he declared he had feen his error, and 
 was become a {launch Hanoverian ; on 
 which account he flattered himfelf, that 
 fhould his lordfhip's nice-dilcerning eye, 
 perceive any Jacobitical expreflions in his 
 works, he would kindly overlook it, and 
 hot perfecute the printer with the flaming 
 zeal of a converted renegado, who, to in- 
 gratiate
 
 ( 27 ) 
 
 gratiate himfelf with his new friends, of- 
 ten over-acts his part ; hoping to expiate 
 his own former offences, by perfecuting 
 fimilar ones in others. For himfelf, he 
 folemnly declared, that he died in charity 
 with King William, and the promoters of 
 the Revolution ; and concluded by faying, 
 that were the national debt five hundred 
 millions, infteadof one hundred and thir- 
 ty only, he mould confider it as a very 
 cheap purchafe of the ineftimable blef- 
 fings we enjoy 5 and of that raoft glorious 
 period which is probably deftined to in- 
 troduce caftration into the British domi- 
 nions. 
 
 Thefe were the laft words which I heard 
 from the mouth of that moft excellent 
 and illuftrious mufician ; he died that ve- 
 ry night, at a quarter pad: nine. After 
 having put his few effects into the beft 
 order poffible, and appointed him a decent 
 burial in the parifh-church, where he now 
 lies undiftinguifhed from the common 
 dead, I haftened to indulge the public with 
 1 another
 
 ( 23 ) 
 
 another correct edition of his moft valuable 
 and inftruclive Tour ; a work which will 
 perhaps laft, as long as found tafte and theory 
 prevail in raufic, or a Britim audienee be 
 melted by Italian caftrati. And I cannot 
 help feeling a prophetic belief that when 
 this nation mail ceafe to be formidable by 
 its fleets and armies; when commerce, and 
 honefty, and liberty, mall have abandoned 
 us ; when our ftatefmen and patriots 
 alike mall be changed into pimps and fid- 
 dlers ', and the whole fcience of govern- 
 ment (hall have become the art of ex- 
 torting money from a corrupt and mifera- 
 ble people : even at that period, fo im- 
 menfely diftant, (if one may judge from 
 the prefent happy and contrary ftate of 
 things) mall the name of Collier fur- 
 vive, and mare the admiration of pofte- 
 rity with thofe of Guadagni and Doc- 
 tor Burney. 
 
 THE END. 
 
 9 8 2 6
 
 i 6 
 
 UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA AT LOS ANGELES 
 
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