.. ,
 
 YUTZO
 
 mnranfl 
 
 THE GOD 
 
 VUTZO 
 
 OF 
 
 BY 
 
 LORD GILHOOLEY 
 
 SEVENTH EDITION 
 
 NEW YORK 
 
 FREDERICK A. STOKES COMPANY 
 PUBLISHERS
 
 COPYRIGHT 1896. BY FREDERICK HENRI SEYMOUR 
 
 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
 
 LrTLnjTriTi-rLn 
 
 TO YOUR FRIENDS
 
 * 15 tit wortf are tbino*. and a fcrop of Ink, 
 falling like tew, upon a tbougbt, pr<rt>uce 
 TTbat *bicb make* tbotnanw, pcrbap* milltonf tblnft." 
 
 Lord 8yrr>*.
 
 Introduction. 
 
 was on a bright, crisp, 
 February morning, that 
 I turned out of the Rue 
 St Roch, Paris, on to 
 the Avenue de FOpera. 
 There I found the same 
 crowds one always sees : 
 tourists, absorbed in the bright shop windows; em- 
 ployees scurrying along wrapped from the chill air, 
 in hooded pelerines? black robed and demure 
 grisettes bearing enormous boxes; and then, as 
 usual, out on the broad pavement of the Avenue, 
 were innumerable cabs, racing hither and thither 
 in the sunshine* Away down, in the dim vista, 
 arose the magnificent front of the Grand Opera 
 House, topped with gigantic gilded statuary, glint-
 
 Ing In the sunlight. It was a gay scene, a seem 
 one only sees in Paris* 
 
 Idly sauntering along, I joined the crowd In 
 the diversion of window gazing. Ah ! those shop- 
 keepers: with what artfulness they make their 
 displays, for one is continually seeing things that 
 are just what he wants that is, before he buys 
 them, to invariably discover, after, that he could 
 be quite happy without; indeed, life is ever thus, 
 one has always to pay for indulging in illusions. 
 
 It was just half way down the Avenue that 
 I came to the gorgeous windows of a Japanese 
 shop: outside, on the walk, was a collection truly 
 bewildering; there were long swords; there were 
 short swords, of all degrees of ornateness, including 
 that savage implement, with which the nobility of 
 Japan are supposed to commit Hari-Kari: there 
 were bronze vases, statuary and placques; there 
 were gorgeous screens, gay colored fans and um- 
 brellas, and there was, row upon row, of those 
 queer, pottery figures, whose heads and hands, 
 once set going, wig -wagged in time, and out of 
 time, with each other, for an interminable period,
 
 and made one's own neck and hands fairly ache 
 in sympathy. Inside the huge windows, were 
 costly fabrics and all sorts of more precious bric- 
 a-brac, and finally, among a large collection of 
 carved ivory, I caught sight of the little squat, 
 begrimed figure of YUTZO. 
 
 It was the first time I had ever seen him, 
 and now, for all that I know, unless something 
 untoward happens, we are likely to be companions 
 until death parts us. 
 
 Now I am fully aware, that from this on, I 
 am to tell what you will regard as a strange story: 
 but I assure you it is true, on the word of a 
 Gilhodey ; and I assure you, also, that wherever a 
 Gilhooley is known, his word -is as good as his 
 bond: anyone will tell you that 
 
 To resume, what I saw on that memorable 
 morning, away off in one corner of that window, 
 upon a glass shelf, almost hidden by the other 
 carvings, was the little, bunched up figure of a 
 Japanese god; a queer little man, in a seated 
 position, with a bald head, a protruding abdomen 
 and with ears so peculiar, that they immediately
 
 engaged my attention. The lobes of each, were 
 enormously broadened and extended down under 
 his chin, giving him quite a bizarre effect ; . how- 
 ever, his face bore a pleasant expression, which 
 relieved and made his ugliness attractive, although 
 his mouth was partly open, as if singing, or say- 
 ing something. His bald head shone with the 
 polish of ages and the raised portions of the entire 
 carving, including the nose, the cheek bones, the 
 elbows, the abdomen and the folds of his robe all 
 shone with a like polish; elsewhere, on the figure, 
 was the dark, brown grime of age. The whole 
 effect was amusing and I stood there for some 
 moments regarding the quaint, antique figure, and 
 finally, was about to turn away, when, as I am 
 a Irving man, I could have sworn that I saw the 
 ivory lids of those ivory eyes, open and look me 
 straight in the face. This must be an effect produced 
 by the shadows of the window, I thought; so I 
 moved my position to the other side, when once 
 more those ivory eyes mutely followed me; I 
 fancied I could see them open and dose. This was 
 getting interesting and I went inside and a few
 
 moments later came out: the little ivory god was 
 my property I had bought him. 
 
 As I walked away, I took him from my 
 pocket and closely regarded him, but his face was 
 as immobile, his ivory features were as set and 
 his ivory eyes were as expressionless, as those of 
 an ivory carving could well be. " Pshaw 1" lex- 
 claimed; "another case of hallucination!" 
 
 In my chamber, that night, the little god. re- 
 posed forgotten on the cornice of a huge, French 
 clock, that adorned the mantel. It was late, when 
 I casually glanced upward to see the time. The 
 little figure caught my eye. What! once more I 
 fancied those ivory eyes regarded me, and opened 
 and shut this time I was sure: it was not fancy, 
 then my wonder and astonishment may be im- 
 agined, when the figure slowly nodded its head 
 and spoke: 
 
 "Welir said he, in a voice that sounded 
 very remote but clear. 
 
 I sprang from my chair, and walked around 
 the table pinching myself, to make sure I was not 
 dreaming.
 
 "Am I mad!" I cried. 
 
 44 Nothing of the kind!" answered the figure. 
 " It is all quite natural and you are neither mad 
 nor dreaming, but you are being favored with a 
 rare and extraordinary exhibition of psychic force. 
 I will explain/' it continued: 
 
 "I am YUTZO. Centuries before the known 
 history of man, I was. The centuries rolled behind 
 me until through a succession of reincarnations and 
 karmic changes, my Ego became free and untram- 
 meled by the limitations known to man, and I 
 became possessed of the powers of association 
 and disassociation : as you see me now, my Ego 
 is associated with this figure. It is through it I 
 speak to you. It is through such associations as 
 this, that idolatry had its rise as you may wit- 
 ness in the Delphic oracle, and the statue of Metn- 
 non, Egypt. Idolatry fell, not through its falsity, 
 but by the duplicity of man. 
 
 "In the year 763 B. C, as you moderns com- 
 pute time, a skilled workman of Hakodadi, Japan, 
 by the name of Ouchi Ivamimi Kiogoku, made 
 this figure by carving it from the tusk of a mas-
 
 todon, that once roamed the steppes of Russia, 
 centuries even, before the pyramids of Egypt were 
 built. When completed, this little ivory figure, of 
 the Sintu god YUTZO, became my abode art! 
 since that time, where it has gone, I have gone 
 and it shall continue to be my abiding place until 
 my next great karmic change, calls me higher to- 
 ward Nirvana. Meanwhile, the events of the 
 passing centuries, have thundered over me. If 
 great libraries of books were to be written, they 
 could not contain a relation of all that I have ex- 
 perienced, have seen and have heard; of events 
 on land and sea, of wars, pestilences and famine. 
 I have been transported from the hovels of the 
 poor to the boudoirs of empresses; I have time 
 and again, nestled in the pockets of adventurers, 
 and have passed from the blood-stained hands 
 of murderers to the dainty fingers of court beau- 
 ties. I have reposed peacefully, for centuries, in 
 museums, temples, and in innumerable households, 
 again, been tossed in ships, on troubled seas, 
 visiting all parts of the earth* I have passed 
 through the hands of multitudes, from the posses-
 
 sion of African kings, to American cowboys. Ah, 
 indeed! this world is very old to me and very, 
 very small* And alas! far as I have advanced, 
 in karma above you, I have yet, aeons of time, 
 before I can reach Nirvana, but it is only at rare 
 intervals, among the centuries, that I have been 
 able to gather together psychic force sufficient to 
 overcome the various conditions surrounding me 
 to enable me to speak to mortal man, as I now 
 do to you." 
 
 The astonishment and awe, with which I 
 listened to this extraordinary harangue, can be but 
 faintly imagined I sat there with staring eyes, 
 gazing at the ivory figure and listening with 
 breathless attention, now and again pinching myself, 
 to see if I was really awake. 
 
 "Fiend or devil or disembodied spirit, or 
 whatever you are!" I cried, jumping to my feet, 
 "if you will, then tell me of those things, men 
 most would know! What is life? What is fire? 
 What is electricity, and above afl, what are those 
 strange forces mystifying the wise, of the present 
 age, that dreamland of thought and mysterious
 
 power ; that other world surrounding us, we know 
 to be, yet know not of?" 
 
 YUTZO smiled on me pityingly and replied 
 "All these things, I know and could tell, but 
 you must realize, that wisdom comes to man, 
 only as fast as he is fitted to receive it; all 
 thought, all life, is but a process of evolution, pro- 
 gressive and sure and did I but seek to tell you 
 these things, you would not understand them,- 
 You cannot know what I know, except that you 
 experience what I have experienced. There is 
 nothing new under the sun ; discoveries of mortals, 
 are but the unfolding of wisdom that is as eternal 
 as truth, which also will come to man, when he 
 is fitted to receive it In my reincarnations, the 
 events of which I am now permitted to look back 
 upon and review, I have progressed from the 
 dawn of human history and in all those centuries 
 I solemnly tell you, oh! mortal man, oh! restless 
 occidental; I have found nothing new nol there 
 is nothing new!" 
 
 Thereafter, for many nights, YUTZO favored 
 me with discourse philosophical, and with discourse
 
 ethical, but no word, from this worldly wise god, 
 could I get, of those mysteries so fascinating to 
 men. Finally, I bethought me, that not being 
 much of a scholar, he might unbend to a man 
 more learned than I, and that I would have Father 
 Macshane talk with him, for he was a man, 
 than whom, I knew none more wise* 
 
 I therefore, invited Father Macshane to my 
 apartments one evening, without telling him why 
 I wanted him. 
 
 I will never forget the night he came, but 
 for the first time I waited in vain for YUTZO 
 to speak that evening; and he spoke not a word 
 that evening, and for a fact, the Me ivory god, 
 has never opened his ivory lips since. The even- 
 ing grew apace while I was waiting wearily and 
 ill at ease and Father Macshane finally arose to 
 go, when, in sheer desperation, I blurted out the 
 whole story to him, he, the meanwhile, eyeing 
 me curiously first, and then the god who sat upon 
 the clock stolid and immovable as a sphinx; 
 and when I had finished he said, with great 
 earnestness:
 
 "Here nowl here now! what's this? d'ye mean 
 to tell me that that dirty bit of carved ivory, that 
 hideous emblem of paganism, has been talking to 
 you? Or, that if it did, that that symbol of the 
 devil would tell you anything good? Look here 
 now, my son, the Gilhooleys of Castle Bally- 
 ghatally have a reputation for veracity extending 
 away back for generations; don't let it be your 
 place, the last of the race, to put a blot upon it. 
 See here, now, d'ye tell no living man, even in a 
 whisper, that that hideous idol has been talking 
 to ye." 
 
 "But, Father Macshane," remonstrated I, 
 "it really has talked to me, and, more than afl 
 that, it has said a great many good and wise 
 things, and, besides, I have made notes of many 
 of them." 
 
 "Tut I Tut I" answered the reverend Father, 
 waving his hand. "Tell no man tell no man; 
 but, if you must fancy that ivory devil there has 
 said anything ye want the world to know, publish 
 it modestly put it mild, my Lord."
 
 For the life of me, since that time 1 never 
 have dared to speak of the matter. But it was 
 only last spring good Father Macshane died, and 
 now I am emboldened to gjve the aphorisms of 
 ( YUTZO to the world, despite the fact that many 
 of them may sound familiar to modern ears. I 
 know, of course, they have lost much by being 
 deprived of the quaint language of YUTZO, and 
 by being put in modern garb. There is one thing, 
 however, in which I have followed the advice of 
 the good Father Macshane, that is, to put them 
 before the world modestly, for if a binding of 
 sackcloth is not modest, I don't know what is: and 
 may the critics use me for a football. 
 
 LORD GELHOOLEY.
 
 EPIGRAMS OF YUTZO
 
 
 won't drown 
 trouble, it only fat- 
 tens it. 
 
 z 
 
 Credit is a false friend 
 who only stays with you 
 until you are in trouble. 
 
 H man in debt is like 
 a cat up a tree goes up 
 easily, then yowls to get 
 down.
 
 C6HS6D teaser is 
 a tired man. 
 
 Cbere are people who 
 never will get into the 
 heavenly orchestra because 
 they refuse to play any- 
 thing but first fiddle. 
 
 H pin prick passes 
 pen prick abides.
 
 Od can't discover 
 prosperity by look- 
 ing for it through the 
 bottom of a tumbler. 
 
 8 
 
 Che corkscrew has be- 
 come nearly as mighty as 
 the sword. 
 
 9 
 
 drite in haste repent 
 more hastily.
 
 1O 
 
 SJVHL6 provoked 
 is a groan revoked. 
 
 H "bail fellow well met" 
 starts witb more friends 
 tban be needs and ends by 
 needing more friends tban 
 be bas. 
 
 12 
 
 Its very easy to judge 
 bow mucb smoking and 
 drinking otber people 
 dbould do.
 
 13 
 
 f OOL, is most a, 
 fool because be 
 knows not be is a fool 
 
 H 
 
 Co tbe insane man, 
 everybody else is crazy, 
 
 '5 
 
 Slild oats yield a crop 
 of experience obtained at 
 tbe expense of bealtb.
 
 i6 
 
 iI8CO]NfCe)NfC is a 
 companion that 
 will never travel alone* 
 
 '7 
 
 people who find it easy 
 to decide for their friends, 
 find it -bard to decide for 
 
 themselves. 
 
 18 
 
 H light heart goes easily 
 with a heavy purse.
 
 [C'S not the loudest 
 amens, that get the 
 Lord's ear the quickest 
 
 20 
 
 People who have lots 
 of advice to give, dislike 
 to take any. 
 
 21 
 
 H tramp is one who 
 has played all his trumps 
 and lost.
 
 \ JVIHJS" who transacts 
 business when he 
 is cither drunk or angry, 
 is sure to make a mistake. 
 
 Tis folly to say any- 
 thing, when you know 
 nothing. 
 
 Che over smart man, is 
 always discovering fools.
 
 who wait 
 for something to 
 turn up always die 
 guessing. 
 
 Chere is some hope for 
 the fool, who discovers 
 he can be mistaken. 
 
 Christmas is truly mer- 
 ry only to those who think 
 of others.
 
 186 men are never 
 silent they sim- 
 ply hnowjwben to be. 
 
 people who strive to 
 appear to be wbat tbey 
 are not, only succeed in 
 being nothing. 
 
 3O 
 
 Some people tbinfc poli- 
 cy is tbe best bonesty.
 
 
 31 
 
 man who gives 
 himself airs, deals 
 in a cheap commodity. 
 
 32 
 
 H "faint heart" won by 
 
 "fair Lady," is apt to be 
 led by the nose. 
 
 33 
 
 ]Mot the early riser, but 
 he who gets the best sleep, 
 wins the worms.
 
 a disagreement 
 between husband 
 and wife, the interference 
 of relations is not arbi- 
 tration, it is wan 
 
 H truly good man never 
 worries about eternal sal- 
 vation. * 
 
 Cbe worst burt, do not 
 cry tbe loudest.
 
 |O one appreciates 
 dinner as much, as 
 he who has gone without 
 breakfast* g 
 
 ]Motberbood, is the 
 grandest thing in nature. 
 
 39 
 
 3Qben it is necessary for 
 a wife to go abroad com- 
 plaining of her husband, 
 it is time for a divorce.
 
 vently in church on 
 Sunday and prey hard on 
 week days, in business. 
 
 V 
 
 HU men are submissive 
 in the presence of Death. 
 
 1* 
 
 Che idiots who laud 
 riches, as the standard of 
 success, preach misery.
 
 JDV8RSICY is like 
 tbe Dentist wbo 
 tortures you to do you 
 good, and wben it is over, 
 you are grateful to bim. 
 
 >* 
 
 Cbe man wbo wont be 
 afraid, is far braver tban 
 be wbo does not know 
 fear. 
 
 H well told lie, never 
 goes into details.
 
 46 
 
 would be 
 fewer fools, if 
 half the thought were ex- 
 pended on filling the 
 mind that there is in fill- 
 ing the stomach. 
 
 ^7 
 fto greater liar than 
 
 he who lies to himself. 
 
 48 
 
 f)e\who kills time, mur- 
 ders opportunity.
 
 cannot buy wisdom. 
 
 JMany people live and 
 learn, but never grow 
 
 wiser. 
 
 5' 
 
 Self conceit is self es- 
 teem run amuck.
 
 6HSCZR6 always 
 eludes him who 
 makes a business of seek- 
 ing her. 
 
 5* 
 Che difference between 
 
 pain and pleasure, is, the 
 one is real and the other 
 imaginary. 
 
 54 
 
 Knowledge is the dis- 
 covery of Ignorance.
 
 55 
 
 &6HC capacity for 
 joy, means great 
 capacity for sorrow, 
 
 Re who aspires to pub- 
 lic position, offers bis 
 character for a football. 
 
 57 
 
 Re writes well, wbo 
 does not write mucb.
 
 58 
 
 P^pte become 
 the slave of cir- 
 
 59 
 
 H man has more to 
 fear from bis friends 
 tban bis enemies be gen- 
 erally knows wbo bis ene- 
 mies are. *
 
 6i 
 
 comes not 
 so much from 
 earning, as from the use 
 that is made of it 
 
 62 
 
 fashion is the adopting 
 of other people's follies, 
 as our own. 
 
 63 
 
 Re that does the most, 
 talks the least of what he 
 is doing.
 
 >HppI]Sr6SS comes 
 with leaden wings 
 and fades away like light- 
 ning. 
 
 Sorrow conies swiftly 
 and flies away on leaden 
 
 wings. ~ 
 
 66 
 
 ]Men prefer to be flat- 
 tered most for qualities 
 they do not possess.
 
 6 7 
 
 BHO habit is like 
 a small fire, at 
 first, easily quenched, but 
 suffered to live, increases 
 beyond control and ends 
 in making ruin. 
 
 68 
 
 JMisspent time, means 
 misspent money. 
 
 69 
 
 H lofty mind despises 
 the hate of the envious.
 
 70 
 
 RHIS6 ia the food 
 of fools but all 
 men like it* 
 
 7* 
 
 Che hardest trial of 
 life, is to endure evil not 
 of our own making. 
 
 7* 
 
 Che deeds of mighty 
 men, have their birth in 
 great hopes.
 
 7* 
 
 |C'S a slight differ- 
 ence in favor of 
 the fool that between 
 him, and the half learned 
 
 man. _ 
 
 7i 
 
 pedantry, is learning 
 without amiability. 
 
 75 
 
 Chose are the fools, 
 who made the error of 
 calling vice, pleasure.
 
 7 6 
 
 .6f> aims may not 
 bring perfection, 
 but they advance one 
 toward it. _ 
 
 Cbere are people who 
 spend all the time griev- 
 ing for the past, that they 
 should use in preparing 
 for the future. 
 
 78 
 
 Re who gains power, 
 pays ease for it.
 
 79 
 
 while 
 
 it adorns merit, 
 often conceals the want 
 
 of it. ^ 
 
 80 
 
 H Demagogue is a hyp- 
 ocrite who poses under 
 the cloak of patriotism, to 
 serve his own petty ends. 
 
 81 
 
 JMany things are done 
 in the name of justice, 
 that are provoked by envy.
 
 CHJMDHL is like a 
 flea-tbe more you 
 seek to locate it, tbe more 
 it will travel and tbe 
 barder it will bite. 
 
 young fool may get 
 wisdom an old fool is a 
 fool forever. 
 
 H man with an empty 
 stomacb*i8 a poor listener.
 
 85 
 
 people are 
 the most comical, 
 who are funny without 
 meaning to be so. 
 
 86 
 
 Some men succeed in 
 getting several different 
 kinds of reputations* 
 
 87 
 
 people who seek to ex- 
 cuse their faults, are only 
 half repentant of them.
 
 88 
 
 P*< to- 
 ft burden to an 
 
 ass, that poverty soon 
 unloads. ~ 
 
 8p 
 
 Chere are people who 
 get so busy preparing for 
 heaven, that they neglect 
 matters here below. 
 
 90 
 
 Some men find it hard 
 to make the distinction 
 between a wife and a slave.
 
 t 
 
 9* 
 
 1R6 gay distress of 
 wealth, has as 
 keen a pang, as that of 
 poverty. 
 
 Che longest line of il- 
 lustrious ancestry, can- 
 not ennoble a fool, a sot, 
 or a knave. 
 
 H cheerful potentate, is 
 he, whose kingdom is a 
 well stored library.
 
 who desire 
 to have everybody 
 else's sins punished al- 
 ways forget their own. 
 
 95 
 
 H man who is prodigal 
 with his time, will also be 
 prodigal with his money. 
 
 96 
 
 Some people are in such 
 a hurry that they always 
 run past their goal.
 
 97 
 
 iO)M6 men arc so 
 quarrelsome that 
 they find it difficult even 
 to be in good humor with 
 tbcmcselves. 
 
 98 
 
 knowing what to 
 do-it's best to do notbing. 
 
 99 
 
 Dope is a lottery: to 
 one prize tbere are a 
 million blanks.
 
 10O 
 
 [ROSS only deserve 
 wealth who rule 
 it instead of being ruled 
 
 *>?'* 
 
 101 
 
 Sometimes a rash word 
 will overthrow the results 
 of a lifetime of prudent 
 
 reticence. ^. 
 
 1 02 
 
 'Cis sad that prudence 
 should only be purchased 
 by age, when follies have 
 all been committed.
 
 103 
 
 If 6od has not made 
 you a poet, for 
 God's sake don't try to 
 be an orator. 
 
 It's an unhappy house- 
 hold, where all the smiles 
 are dispensed in society 
 and all the frowns at 
 
 home* ,^ 
 
 105 
 
 Che greatest wisdom, 
 is to have learned to think.
 
 io6 
 
 hatred and 
 malice are never 
 missing in the mirthful 
 train of success. 
 
 107 
 
 Discouragements only 
 make the brave more 
 resolute. log 
 
 H man who does things 
 in a hurry, is in peril of 
 losing command of what 
 he is about.
 
 lop 
 
 !ReS6RVe us from 
 the bore, who in- 
 sists on turning conver- 
 sation into argument 
 
 no 
 
 Cbe pharisaicat bring 
 more contempt on Relig- 
 ion, than the scoffer. 
 
 in 
 
 Child-tike faith may do 
 in religion, but it won't 
 do in business*
 
 112 
 
 man may not 
 tbrasb three men, 
 but be wbo sets tbat 
 number as bis mark may 
 tbrasb two, 
 
 113 
 
 Ome is a double tbief , 
 it not only steals our 
 years, but takes enjoy- 
 ment too. < . 
 
 Mi 
 
 Dope bas killed more 
 people tban fear.
 
 "5 
 
 man who calls 
 himself names is 
 more likely to be telling 
 the truth than lying. 
 
 V ii6 
 
 Chose whom unkind- 
 ness has made crabbed, 
 are best won by kindness. 
 
 117 
 
 Chere are people who 
 find their greatest happi- 
 ness, in being melancholy.
 
 \ 
 
 P]M6 people think a 
 piece of ice in one 
 hand, will deaden the pain 
 of a coal of fire in the 
 other. 
 
 Beware of him, who 
 without cause, develops 
 a sudden friendship for 
 
 120 
 
 fate has in store for 
 men exactly what they are 
 preparing for themselves.
 
 121 
 
 if>6 best way to get 
 the world to bate 
 you, ia to bate it. 
 
 122 
 
 Hn owr-dressed man, 
 is an unfortunate individ- 
 ual witb a passion for 
 absurdity. ' 
 
 123 
 
 Some people are like 
 soap bubbles - attractive 
 wben first seen-but wben 
 you try to grasp tbem I
 
 JLL great deeds are 
 .^^ built of small 
 efforts, upon a founda- 
 tion of labor. 
 
 J^otbing will silence a 
 fool sp quickly as ridi- 
 culebut it's difficult to 
 find a fool who will feel 
 
 Re who revenges most, 
 threatens the least.
 
 fi 
 
 \VJ 
 
 f harsh words do 
 not provoke fear 
 and hate, they may pro- 
 voke rebellion and over- 
 throw, o 
 
 It would be worth 
 knowing, how many of 
 ; those who smile upon us, 
 while smiling, really hate 
 
 f)e who seeks pleasure 
 most, finds it least
 
 13O 
 
 prows a 
 
 blessing to him 
 who gains from it the 
 lesson of thrift. 
 
 131 
 
 Youth, starts life with 
 many companions, but in 
 old age finds only new 
 faces and sad memories. 
 
 132 
 
 Chere is no dog who 
 loves to bite better than 
 the dog that has no teeth.
 
 133 
 
 ;CF)6S are a curse 
 to the man, who 
 is always affright for 
 fear charity will get the 
 better of hie meanness. 
 
 <&ben a woman finally 
 gives " because " as a rea- 
 son, further argument 
 may cease, for it will be 
 like a circle-go round and 
 round and never reach 
 the center.
 
 man al- 
 ways has his eyes 
 open though he may af- 
 fect to be blind. 
 
 136 
 
 Some people substitute 
 ideas for reality and thus 
 go through life hugging 
 
 delusions. ,, 
 .1*7 
 
 Some people imagine 
 they can climb up to heav- 
 en on the ladder of prayer.
 
 138 
 
 OJM6 women would 
 be like men yet if 
 women were like men, love 
 would die. 
 
 139 
 
 Re of the moaf wit 
 laughs the least* 
 
 140 
 
 Hssurance counts most, 
 when its real impudence 
 is veiled by a cloak of 
 feigned modesty.
 
 HI 
 
 j'S a happy thing, 
 there is no law, 
 compelling wise men to 
 read what fools write. 
 
 It is the critical, who 
 are most sensitive to crit- 
 icism* 
 
 w 
 
 Che world is full of 
 men, who realize how easy 
 it is, to wreck a career by 
 a few thoughtless words.
 
 : 6 wbo travels with 
 Rope, shortens bis 
 journey. 
 
 H true friend will not 
 only tell you of tbe quali- 
 ties you possess, but of 
 tbose you lack; but where 
 is he? 6 
 
 Hn Hnarchist, is one 
 who would regenerate 
 mankind on wind-and be 
 himself would supply it.
 
 , though de- 
 vised for the friv- 
 olous, is one thing the sen- 
 sible will Mindly follow. 
 
 Che best' way to deal 
 with misfortune, is to 
 
 bear it. 
 
 HP 
 
 Bnvironment has de- 
 veloped in woman the 
 power to overcome -the 
 cruelty of man with craft.
 
 men consider 
 e the place to 
 redistribute the bard 
 knocks tbcy get in tbe 
 world outside. 
 
 Cbe wise are always 
 patient witb tbe drivelings 
 of a fool 
 
 Cbe crop of enemies we 
 raise keeps pace witb our 
 success in life.
 
 OOO example 
 
 influence more 
 men than enacted laws. 
 
 Chat's a particularly 
 unattractive idiot, who 
 gets mad at people, be- 
 cause they do not think as 
 he does. 
 
 Che friendship of boon 
 companions is 
 but a league of vice.
 
 156 
 
 if)6R6 arc women, 
 who remind one 
 of angels because they 
 are so different. 
 
 F)e who thinks of crime, 
 is in danger of commit- 
 ting it 
 
 Che sum of wisdom, is, 
 to acquire skill, 
 
 Co well distinguish 
 good from ill.
 
 '59 
 
 people are so 
 
 busy living, they 
 do not pause to see what 
 life really is. 
 
 160 
 
 'Cis either a very brave, 
 or a very foolish man, who 
 dares criticise woman. 
 
 161 
 
 ]Many call "III luck," 
 that which is only neglect 
 to improve opportunity.
 
 like a bubble it 
 cannot be cracked but 
 once touched, it disap- 
 pears. J63 
 
 Cbere are people who 
 fear death less than pub- 
 lic opinion. 
 
 Cbere are people who 
 make themselves so ridic- 
 ulous living, that they are 
 not forgotten when dead.
 
 165 
 
 : 6 who is too busy to 
 consider bis faults, 
 will never take time to 
 mend tbem. 
 
 166 
 
 Cbere are tourists who 
 so busy themselves in 
 traveling, that tbey see 
 
 nothing. , 
 
 167 
 
 Cbere are people wbo 
 bave no other excuse for 
 living but to eat
 
 1 68 
 
 OIOJYIHJV'S wrath, 
 is not half so much 
 
 to be feared as her du- 
 
 plicity. 
 
 It is not wise to lose a 
 a friend, or gain an en- 
 emy, for the mere pleas- 
 ure of a joke. 
 
 170 
 
 fools are always con- 
 gratulating themselves on 
 their wisdom.
 
 171 
 
 OOK out for your 
 purse in the pres- 
 ence of the man who 
 boasts of his honesty. 
 
 3dhen a man commenc- 
 es to toboggan down the 
 slide of misfortune his 
 neighbors will grease the 
 way and kind strangers 
 will assist his relatives 
 to give him a push along 
 in passing.
 
 "V * 
 
 f 
 
 173 
 
 |f>6 best way to get 
 criticised, is to 
 seek to avoid it. 
 
 174 
 
 H wise man is not too 
 eager to hope, nor too 
 quick to despair. 
 
 H Cemetery, is a place 
 where the epitaphs on the 
 tombs,/ above, lie about 
 those who lie below.
 
 is made 
 
 of never ending en- 
 deavor, opposed by never 
 ceasing disappointment 
 a fight to the finish, al- 
 ways won by patience. 
 
 '77 
 
 Gfoman is guided more 
 by intuition than by rea- 
 son; she becomes like a 
 ship without a rudder, 
 when she abandons both.
 
 1 7 8 
 
 society is 
 like a field of 
 battle, where people mer- 
 rily pass along to each 
 other, the stabs they re- 
 ceive, and let smiles and 
 sweet words, serve to hide 
 
 the pain* 
 
 179 
 
 Chere are people who 
 accumulate vast stores of 
 gloom, and then mistake 
 it for sanctity.
 
 i8o 
 
 HO habits increase 
 in strength faster 
 than age, which decreases 
 our strength to resist 
 
 them. . 
 
 18 1 
 
 Che envious hate others 
 for those things they do 
 ; not themselves, possess. 
 
 18* 
 
 Some people get a deal 
 of pleasure out of deny- 
 ing themselves pleasure.
 
 : 6 who possesses 
 knowledge without 
 wisdom yet gropes in 
 
 darkness. 
 
 i 
 
 Che best of men have 
 weaknesses, but the wise- 
 cat take care not to exhibit 
 
 them. 
 
 185 
 
 Chose who suffer the 
 least, have the most time 
 to complain.
 
 i86 
 
 Sf)6 most miserable 
 people In the world, 
 are those who are too busy 
 to be happy. 
 
 187 
 
 Sometimes the ill will 
 of a fool, is more harm- 
 ful than the favor of a 
 
 wise man. nn 
 
 188 
 
 Chat rage is the most 
 dangerous, which is the 
 most silent.
 
 O reward of great- 
 ness can be so 
 sweet, as tbe blessings of 
 tbe grateful. 
 
 190 
 
 Cbere are people so mis- 
 guided by ambition, tbat 
 tbey mistake notoriety, 
 for fame. 
 
 Beauty may cbarm tbe 
 eye, but it is merit, tbat 
 wins tbe beart.
 
 the rich them- 
 selves know bow 
 unhappy they -are no one 
 else will believe it. 
 
 193 
 
 ffot be tbat wails tbe 
 loudest, grieves tbe most. 
 
 Cbe evil tbat a bad 
 woman may do, is only 
 limited by ber bealtb, 
 strength and longevity.
 
 '95 
 
 >f>6 poorest man ,in 
 world 18 be who 
 desires much when he has 
 
 little. 
 
 196 
 
 Slise men weigh their 
 words well that they 
 may not fall short or .be 
 found Wanting, when once 
 
 uttered. 
 
 197 
 
 Cell a Dude be cares not 
 for dress, and be is then 
 most flattered.
 
 T1CT) a majority of 
 mankind, friend- 
 ship means only a faintly 
 disguised neutrality. 
 
 199 
 
 )^o man has ever sound- 
 ed the depths of a wom- 
 an's love nor of her du- 
 plicity. 
 r 7 200 
 
 Chere are people whose 
 awful propriety fatigues 
 them and every one else.
 
 201 
 
 iO)M6 people are so 
 occupied in reveng- 
 ing past injuries, that 
 they are wholly unpre- 
 pared for new ones. 
 
 Cbere is no greater in- 
 difference than that of 
 youth, which regards care- 
 lessly its inevitable fate, 
 always in view, in the 
 decrepitude of age.
 
 2O3 
 
 6OS8Ip, is one 
 whose hatred is 
 a prejudice, and whose 
 friendship is a disadvan- 
 tage. 
 
 Some people with an 
 idea, are like an ass bear- 
 ing a pole with a wisp of 
 hay hung in front of his 
 nose they will follow af- 
 ter what they themselves 
 carry, until they are lost.
 
 205 
 
 are people 
 who are mean for 
 no other reward than 
 the satisfaction meanness 
 gives them. 
 
 206 
 
 H good listener, easily 
 acquires a reputation for 
 
 wisdom. 
 
 207 
 
 Some people fancy that 
 a lie well stuck to, is as 
 good as the truth.
 
 , ' 
 
 can never 
 
 _^__ gain the favor of 
 a woman by arguing with 
 
 her. 
 
 209 
 
 Cbere are many who, 
 finding honesty weari- 
 somefoolishly think to 
 find ease in knavery. 
 
 music will cause the 
 world to stop its ears so 
 quickly, as a song of woe.
 
 211 
 
 spend the latter 
 half of their lives, 
 nursing ills brought upon 
 them by their ignorance 
 in the first half. 
 
 Chrice armed is he for 
 the battle of life who has 
 had the luck to get a good 
 wife. 
 
 213 
 
 H man fool is silly a 
 woman fool is devilish.
 
 p)V[6 people can't 
 understand how 
 anybody else, except them- 
 selves, can have any joys 
 or sorrows. 
 
 i 
 
 fiords will not right 
 injustice half so quick, as 
 silence and time. 
 
 Che weakest woman, is 
 she with the least tact.
 
 217 
 
 If it were as easy to 
 be good, as it is to 
 be bad-lazy people would 
 all become saints. 
 
 218 
 
 Love and Reason, are 
 rare companions* 
 
 up 
 
 Hn incredible number 
 of mankind are trying to 
 make a square plug, fit a 
 round bole.
 
 22O 
 
 iR6 surest way to 
 make a man ill, is 
 to tell htm be looks so. 
 
 221 
 
 Che gentility of a per- 
 son who is at the pains 
 to announce it, can be 
 
 doubted. 
 
 222 
 
 H crank, is one who 
 feels he never can rest, 
 until he has made the rest 
 of mankind like himself.
 
 BCIR6LHR is a 
 man who does hid 
 
 preying in private. 
 
 Cbere are people who 
 can see others' faults with 
 eyes shut, but could not 
 see their own with a mi- 
 
 croscope. 
 
 225 
 
 Indulgence to children, 
 breeds ingratitude.
 
 labor of those 
 who labor to es- 
 cape labor is the most 
 laborious of labor. 
 
 227 
 
 H 'Joker is a man who 
 makes, but never takes 
 
 jokes. 
 
 9 228 
 
 Cbere are people who 
 laboriously spend their 
 time trying to find the 
 easiest way to live.
 
 C011 
 
 tempt for the fol- 
 lies of others, have only 
 excuses for their own. 
 
 23O 
 
 Some people will ask 
 for advice, and then get 
 mad if it don't suit them. 
 
 231 
 
 H full purse and an 
 empty head soon change 
 conditions.
 
 232 
 
 OJM6 people so busy 
 themselves in car- 
 ing for the morals of 
 others, that they have no 
 time to observe the un- 
 laundered condition of 
 their own peculiarities. 
 
 233 
 
 Some people fear the 
 end of the journey be- 
 tween the cradle and the 
 grave so much, that they 
 shorten it by haste.
 
 who are the 
 most willing to 
 wait are those who have 
 to wait the longest. 
 
 X 
 
 235 
 
 Patience is the gift of 
 
 experience. 
 
 236 
 
 Some people harbor a 
 feeling of injury toward 
 anyone better off than 
 themselves.
 
 
 137 
 
 O]M6 preachers, in 
 their zeal, cast 
 adrift from the doctrines 
 of the Bible and maunder- 
 ing aimlessly on the sea 
 of Rhetoric, finally found- 
 er upon the rocks of logic 
 and nobody's hurt! 
 
 138 
 
 'Cis not how much you 
 know, but what use you 
 make of it.
 
 <-sy 
 
 USft and gab need 
 1 only folly to com- 
 
 i_x^sa^^*ir / 9 / 
 
 plete an idiotic nosegay. 
 
 Hypocrisy is a trans- 
 parent cloah that in the 
 end reveals more than it 
 conceals. 
 
 H will and a way are 
 two things, widely di- 
 vergent.
 
 [6H)N[)VreSS is the 
 art of being des- 
 picable reduced to a nicety. 
 
 H foolish man accepts 
 a smile to indicate only 
 joy and affection a wise 
 man knows also that it 
 may conceal bate and con- 
 
 tempt. 
 
 *tt 
 Che fattest chickens 
 
 always roost the highest.
 
 ; 
 
 to contra- 
 dict scandal is like 
 trying to bail out a puddle 
 with a skimmer. 
 
 Wickedness is the art 
 of doing naughty things 
 in an offensively public 
 
 manner. 
 
 M7 
 
 H man who is too ready 
 to advise, generally has a 
 poor quality in store.
 
 !CS that kind of 
 people who live in 
 glass houses who lihe to 
 throw stones, 
 
 H bore inflicts others, 
 in the infinite delight he 
 finds in listening to him- 
 
 self. 
 
 *5 
 
 Hn ass is always the 
 most an ass when he tries 
 to be the least so.
 
 [JVLY when they face 
 death do men re- 
 alize that life is like a 
 breath, soon blown away, 
 leaving no impression 
 behind. 
 
 Chere are people so en- 
 tranced with their own 
 goodness and who try so 
 hard to follow their own 
 example that they are 
 continually walking upon 
 themselves.
 
 OJVieCIJYieS bless- 
 ings come to us 
 disguised as misfortunes. 
 
 III news that travels 
 by the breath of gossip 
 is borne on a foul wind.
 
 |VHSIO]N[ is the chief 
 weapon of coward- 
 
 ce. 
 
 H reformer is often a 
 crank with leathern lungs, 
 who strives to force an ill- 
 digested theory on an un- 
 willing world; who will 
 not accept man as he is 
 made, but who would make 
 man as he would accept 
 him.
 
 hair, a loud 
 voice and the gift 
 of gab doesn't constitute 
 
 wisdom, 
 
 *59 
 H man of much thought 
 
 is a man of few words. 
 
 260 
 
 Chere are many great 
 men who, if bom rich, 
 would have been unknown 
 and who owe their suc- 
 cess to their poverty.
 
 jf)6 example set by 
 others is often a 
 false guide. 
 
 Che cup of life some- 
 times holds nectar, some- 
 times gall? it is the lot of 
 the discontented to touch 
 it only when it contains 
 
 gall. 
 
 163 
 
 Wishes are unformed 
 prayers.
 
 fOOL speaks be- 
 
 fore he thinks: the 
 
 think before they 
 
 speak. 
 
 Courtesy and grace of 
 manner are not veneer, 
 they are polish. 
 
 266 
 
 Che Lord expects those 
 who seek his help, to do 
 something themselves be- 
 sides praying.
 
 167 
 OU see but one side 
 
 of yourself at a 
 time in a mirror your 
 neighbors are able to see 
 all sides at once. 
 
 268 
 
 Some people spend so 
 much time in worrying 
 how things are to go with 
 them in heaven, that they 
 do little to make things 
 go right on earth.
 
 :HO babits do not 
 descend, tbey grow 
 
 upon us. 
 
 170 
 
 Criticism, is tbe art of 
 telling bow tbings sbould 
 be done, by tbose wbo can- 
 not do tbem tbemselvea 
 
 171 
 
 Cbe world is a queer 
 place, wbere blockheads 
 win renown, fools get ricb- 
 es and bonest men starve*
 
 *" / ** 
 
 to greater hero than 
 --! he who conquers 
 a bad habit. 
 
 [273 
 
 Chere is all the differ- 
 ence in the world between 
 a flatterer and a friend- 
 but it takes a wise man 
 to detect it. 
 
 274 
 
 Being a "good fellow" 
 is a costly position.
 
 iO a liar, even the 
 truth will sound 
 
 absurd. 
 
 176 
 
 Cbc gossip and the mos- 
 quitoneither science nor 
 the Bible can tell of what 
 use they are. 
 
 H cheerful liar is a harm- 
 less idiot, who lies because 
 he finds it easier to do, 
 than tell the truth.
 
 s an 
 
 insult remembered 
 
 much longer than an in- 
 jury. 
 
 270 
 
 Compliments are bills 
 of exchange, passing cur- 
 rent in society, which are 
 double discounted when 
 
 received* 
 
 280 
 
 H well person does not 
 appreciate good health.
 
 is inhumanity bor- 
 dering on Insanity. 
 
 practical jokes make 
 more enmity than enjoy- 
 ment. 
 
 H fashionable reception 
 is an assemblage where 
 people meet and outward- 
 ly smile at, while inward- 
 ly criticizing, each other.
 
 |66 always dies re- 
 gretting the idle 
 hours of youth. 
 
 285 
 
 Diplomacy, is the art of 
 seeming to tell the truth 
 without lying. 
 
 *86 
 
 H suicide 4s one who 
 finds life an impossible 
 conundrum, which he 
 seeks to solve by ending it.
 
 '6C him who talks, 
 remember, that 
 words are marks indicat- 
 ing plainly, how far on 
 the road to wisdom the 
 speaker has gone. 
 
 288 
 
 Chere is more danger of 
 ruin in success than in 
 adversity but the world 
 is full of people who 
 would take the risk.
 
 [OLIClCS,istheart 
 of hunting for your 
 own preferment under the 
 guise of patriotism. 
 
 Chat bird with the 
 most gorgeous plumage, 
 doesn't always sing the 
 sweetest. 
 
 It's the dog who bites 
 without growling, who 
 hangs on the hardest
 
 1C is very easy to 
 tell other people 
 how to spend their money. 
 
 293 
 
 Chose people who find 
 this world so wicked, fight 
 the hardest against leav- 
 ing it. 
 
 Some people are so puz- 
 zled at the many divergent 
 paths life offers, that 
 they fail to take any.
 
 f OOL, can do more 
 harm to himself 
 with a pen, than with 
 poison. ^ , 
 
 200 
 
 Chat's a desperate fight 
 every woman wages, who 
 struggles to detain depart- 
 ing youth. 
 
 297 
 
 flattery, is an art which 
 wins much for the adept, 
 but gains only contempt 
 for the bungler.
 
 O]MG people imagine 
 they are religious, 
 when the pleasure and ex- 
 citement they get from it, 
 is the real attraction. 
 
 299 
 
 Chose are unfortunate 
 who can awake respect 
 and esteem in people they 
 meet, that will continue, 
 only until they become 
 better known.
 
 3OO 
 
 [Rode literature, 
 is a miasma arising 
 from the pool of degener- 
 acy, 
 
 3OI 
 
 Hn Hnarcbist, is one 
 who plans only destruc- 
 tion, without thought to 
 upbuild. 
 
 3O2 
 
 Cime will fly for every- 
 one, but for him who 
 waits.
 
 303 
 
 >F>6 reward of indus- 
 try is good exper- 
 ienceidleness brings only 
 a crop of bad habits. 
 
 304 
 
 H man, swimming in 
 the sea of adversity, can 
 have no better life pre- 
 server than pluck* 
 
 305 
 
 Sincerity, is not art, it 
 is heart.
 
 3O6 
 
 f)O would drink the 
 cup of sorrow to 
 the dregs, let him marry 
 a fool or a wicked woman 
 for the one once born, ia 
 bound to become the other. 
 
 307 
 
 Chere are people, who 
 have the highest regard 
 for their own opinions, 
 because they themselves 
 have formed them.
 
 308 
 
 things come to 
 him who wishes; all 
 things come to him who 
 
 works. 
 
 sop 
 
 politeness, is the art of 
 making the person with 
 whom you talh, feel he is 
 of some consequence* 
 
 3 10 
 
 H rolling stone gathers 
 no moss but it may be- 
 come beautifully polished*
 
 311 
 
 6 is most agreeable 
 in company, wbo is 
 serious witb tbe serious, 
 and is ready witb frivoli- 
 ties witb tbe frivolous. 
 
 312 
 
 Cbe difference between 
 a Dude and a man of sense 
 is tbe Dude values bim- 
 self , solely on bis clotbes; 
 wbile tbe man of sense 
 despises, but does not 
 disregard tbem*
 
 319 
 
 |F>6 man who counts 
 himself famous on 
 the praise he receives from 
 others, will soon blow 
 himself down by his own 
 breath. 
 
 32O 
 
 Chere are people, who 
 thank the Lord for his 
 good will in trying to 
 make the world good, but 
 prayerfully insinuate he 
 is making a mess of it
 
 . ' 
 
 321 
 
 encounters with 
 burglars, one never 
 bears tbe burglars' side of 
 tbe story. 
 
 322 
 
 Some people use prayer, 
 solely for tbe purpose of 
 advising tbe Lord wbat 
 to do* 
 
 323 
 
 Cbe great beart of bu- 
 manity, always beats true 
 to tbe noblest impulses.
 
 OOD manners, like 
 the mantle of char- 
 
 ity, will cover a multitude 
 
 of disadvantages* 
 
 Ridicule, will crush an 
 opponent quicker than 
 
 anger. 
 
 326 
 
 Xf the doctors continue 
 the discovery that crime 
 is a disease, what will be- 
 come of the preachers?
 
 , with too 
 
 _-_ many people, be- 
 gins at home and then be- 
 comes too weak to venture 
 
 Cbe malignity of scan- 
 dal mongers, is as debas- 
 ing as tbe scandal itself. 
 
 329 
 
 Cbe evil we do, not only 
 lives after us, but plagues 
 us migbtily before we go.
 
 33O 
 
 |LI)V[OJVY, is the 
 _ _i fine a man pays 
 for having made an un- 
 successful experiment 
 
 331 
 
 H common error, made 
 by men, is the mistaking 
 of debauchery for pleas- 
 
 ure. 
 
 332 
 
 Crue religion, is the art 
 of being sincerely good, 
 without being ridiculous*
 
 333 
 
 [OpL6, who use a 
 magnifying glass 
 to sec other people's fail- 
 ings, can't see their own 
 with a telescope. 
 
 334 
 
 Knowledge, good breed- 
 ing and circumstances en- 
 abling him to appear on 
 the footing of a gentle- 
 man, will admit a man 
 into any "good" society.
 
 335 
 
 art most superla- 
 tively adorned, when prac- 
 ticed by the fair 
 
 336 
 
 Chose people who are 
 ever ready with "I told you 
 so/' are generally the least 
 
 knowing. 
 
 337 
 
 It needs only a little 
 time,to transform "a good 
 fellow" into "a poor devil/'
 
 338 
 
 O]MG men lead such 
 useless lives, that 
 the only thing to be said 
 of them after they are 
 dead, is, that they were 
 
 once alive* 
 
 339 
 
 H base ball team, is an 
 aggregation of illiterate 
 gentlemen from all parts 
 of the earth to whom 
 the local cranks delight 
 to allude, as "we,"
 
 ir>6RG is as much 
 agony, in the grief 
 of a well thrashed school 
 boy, as in that of a man 
 who has lost his millions. 
 
 Tf everyone were really 
 right who think they are 
 right-sinners would be as 
 rare as the righteous now 
 are.
 
 ^ 
 
 [f all the frivolities 
 of the world were 
 ended, more than half the 
 population would be out 
 of employment 
 
 3^3 
 
 Some people go through 
 life with their eyes shut, 
 and only open them in 
 time, to be face to face 
 with death.
 
 us from 
 
 the bore, who can't 
 sing, but who agonizes 
 you by continually trying. 
 
 M5 
 
 Chere are people so ab- 
 sorbed in their own relig- 
 ous perfection, that it 
 seems impossible to them, 
 that there can be any left 
 over for anyone else. .
 
 JIMOJ^G the bitterest 
 annoyances of life, 
 commend the fool, who 
 gll fancies everybody else to 
 be a bore. 
 
 H crank is one who mis- 
 takes a little object for a 
 great one, and gives it the 
 time and attention a great 
 one only deserves.
 
 T)HC a fine world 
 this would be, if 
 people tried half as hard 
 to get into heaven, as they 
 do to get into society. 
 
 Chere are people who oc- 
 cupy themselves so much 
 in thinking what they had 
 rather do-that they never 
 succeed in doing anything.
 
 350 
 
 judgment of 
 other people's nils- 
 takes, is apt to be more 
 severe than our judgment 
 of our own* 
 
 35* 
 
 H Dude, is one who fan- 
 cies people will measure 
 bis character by his clothes 
 and they dol
 
 35* 
 
 iF)6R6 are people so 
 zealous to benefit 
 their fellow men, that they 
 are ready to knock them 
 down and stamp upon 
 them in the process. 
 
 353 
 
 Cbere are people who 
 would be happy, if they 
 only could know happi- 
 ness when they saw it.
 
 354 
 
 CRH)VK is like a 
 musical instrument 
 with one discordant note, 
 which, played incessantly, 
 drives mad those who 
 
 must hear. 
 
 355 
 
 Che loud talking man 
 is like an ass braving into 
 an empty barrel, who mis- 
 takes the noise he makes, 
 for profundity.
 
 356 
 
 is one of the mis- 
 f ortunes of the un- 
 fortunate, to have to list- 
 en to advice about mis- 
 fortune, from those who 
 generally know it not 
 
 357 
 
 Hn education, is never 
 complete with a knowledge 
 of books alone it re- 
 quires a knowledge of the 
 world.
 
 358 
 
 PIJ 
 
 habit of many idle 
 women, who buy what 
 they don't want for mere 
 diversion. 
 
 *59 
 
 Chose people get out of 
 step with the times, who 
 insist on taking the world 
 as they would have it, in- 
 stead of accepting it as 
 it is.
 
 a6o 
 
 of injuring an en- 
 emy, without injuring 
 yourself in doing so and 
 is rarely accomplished. 
 
 361 
 
 Chat is no charity, when 
 it is so arrogant, that it 
 bestows insult with its 
 beneficence*
 
 362 
 
 is the 
 
 art of dispensing 
 the gospel in a manner 
 to entertain, at the same 
 time, not offend the 
 wealthy pew owners. 
 
 363 
 
 Chere are people who 
 are only able to see one 
 side of a question, and 
 insist there is no other.
 
 is a fault 
 children are licked 
 for when young, and an 
 art which they cultivate 
 
 when old. 
 
 365 
 
 Che surest way to get 
 a general consensus of 
 opinion, that you never did 
 amount to anything is 
 to fail in business*
 
 366 
 
 if)OS6 people who 
 are pleased too eas- 
 ily, are as disagreeable, as 
 those who are pleased 
 too little. 
 
 367 
 
 Cbere are people, who 
 are so anxious to be anx- 
 ious, tbat tbey will travel 
 out of tbe way to meet 
 anxiety*
 
 368 
 
 who is obsti- 
 nate in bis batredd 
 may be despised but not 
 so, if be be equally firm 
 in bis friendships. 
 
 369 
 
 preserve us from tbe 
 fiend, wbo knocks you 
 down witb bis bike, tben 
 rides off cursing you for 
 being in tbe way.
 
 370 
 
 half the world 
 listens to the other 
 half, and while assenting, 
 is striving to separate, 
 what to believe.
 
 372 
 
 is 
 
 an art enabling one 
 to discover from people's 
 looks, what their words 
 are calculated to conceal 
 
 373 
 
 Che ability to secure a 
 loan is always at an in- 
 verse ratio, with how bad- 
 ly you need it
 
 us from 
 
 the bore, who yells 
 at you, comments on your 
 private affairs in a crowd- 
 ed street car. 
 
 575 
 
 preserve us from the 
 bore, who makes you des- 
 pise yourself for forcing 
 a hypocritical laugh at a 
 stale joke.
 
 376 
 
 men cry out 
 when ill-luck conies, 
 strong men fight silently, 
 and by opposing obsta- 
 cles, end them. 
 
 377 
 
 H true friend, is as easy 
 to find by dragging for 
 him in the sea, as by search- 
 ing for him among men.
 
 378 
 
 GOSSIp is a pest- 
 iferous Idiot, whose 
 propensity for making 
 trouble, is only measured 
 by ability to do so. 
 
 379 
 
 H scandal monger is a 
 social scavenger who finds 
 filth, only to leave it more 
 widely spread*
 
 380 
 
 people fceep 
 themselves so busy 
 doing nothing, that they 
 never accomplish any- 
 thing. 
 
 381 
 
 Cact, is an art which 
 enables one to linger in 
 the domain of inoffensive 
 dissimiilation,wbile avoid- 
 ing ignoble deceit.
 
 382 
 
 [6CR6C of letter- 
 writing Qlritten 
 words little wit many 
 words not a bit never 
 write that is it. 
 
 383 
 
 Cares are like clouds 
 which obscure the sky, 
 only to make the glory of 
 the sunshine brighter*
 
 38+ 
 
 who rebukes other 
 people for doing as 
 they would, sets himself 
 up on a pedestal for con- 
 tempt. 
 
 385 
 
 'Cls a remarkably self 
 contained man, who can 
 kick a hat with a brick in 
 it, and limp away with a 
 smile on his face.
 
 386 
 
 JO be noble, requires 
 certain qualities 
 of mind, to be vicious, is 
 within the power of any- 
 one, from a prophet to a 
 
 foot 
 
 387 
 
 Chat eloquence which 
 leads people to hurrah 
 first and thinh after- 
 wards, possesses more of 
 wind than wisdom.
 
 388 
 
 fOOL is the most 
 easily offended of 
 all people for fools are 
 the most jealous of their 
 
 dignity* 
 
 389 
 
 Chere is a note of an- 
 guish, in the singing of 
 the singer who cannot 
 sing to the listener.
 
 apo 
 
 [ReseRVeusfrom 
 tbe bore, wbo dis- 
 courses to you upon bis 
 bodily ills just wbere bis 
 aches are, and just what 
 bis pills. 
 
 Tis strange nature nev- 
 er formed any person so 
 ugly, but tbat tbey were 
 susceptible to personal 
 flattery..
 
 [COJTO)VIY, is the 
 handmaiden of pros- 
 perity-but she will render 
 poor service unless direct- 
 ed with good sense. 
 
 Che word "snoozer," 
 sounds like the description 
 of a man who does no 
 good to himself, or any- 
 one else*
 
 I6C6SC a knave and 
 pity a fool, but be- 
 tray not your feelings to 
 either, or your enemies 
 will number legions* 
 
 395 
 
 H discreet person will 
 never interfere between 
 man and wif e-unless both 
 are dead.
 
 falling from a ba- 
 loon, you may land in the 
 mud, or on a picket fence 
 you are sure to land 
 somewhere, 
 
 397 
 
 Chough Cruth is mighty 
 it often emerges from con- 
 tact with "sassiety," in a 
 woefully bedraggled con- 
 dition.
 
 BSeRVeusfrom 
 the bore, who in- 
 sists in telling you the 
 denouement of a story 
 you are reading. 
 
 399 
 
 Che most assinine of 
 asses, is he who seeks to 
 cover his assininity with 
 the cloak of religion.
 
 S]VIHLL mind will 
 barfcor anger and 
 revenge a broad mind 
 knows the exalted pleas- 
 ure of f brgivenecs. 
 
 <|O1 
 
 Cbis would be a world 
 of sadness, if everyone 
 knew wbat tbeir neighbors 
 really tbougbt of tbem.
 
 6 most ridiculous 
 of liars, is the one 
 who concocts lies to exalt 
 himself in the opinion of 
 
 others. 
 
 403 
 
 H little knowledge" is 
 so dangerous a thing to 
 some men, that it keeps 
 them in hot water all the 
 time.
 
 6 will march the more 
 quickly along the 
 road to success, who has 
 health and industry for 
 companions. 
 
 H prodigal is one who 
 trades his youth and health 
 for pleasure, and gets in 
 return, poverty and re- 
 morse with disease to boot*
 
 [OSC of the pleas- 
 ures dictated by 
 fashion and idleness, are 
 imaginary not real 
 
 flirtation, is trifling 
 with the most sacred of 
 human passions-it begins 
 in carelessness and ends 
 
 n care.
 
 airs only be- 
 come those who 
 have a right to wear them 
 -and such never use them. 
 
 409 
 
 Chere may be such a 
 thing as too much con- 
 science, but there is no 
 such thing as too much 
 common sense.
 
 GOOD way to be 
 as^w pleasing, is to ob- 
 serve what is most pleas- 
 ing or displeasing in 
 others* 
 
 Sarcasm is a sword 
 without a handle, Re who 
 wields it must have a 
 care that he himself be 
 not cut.
 
 tbe bore, witb a 
 brawny band, wbo disar- 
 ranges your digital anat- 
 omy wben be greets you. 
 
 Cbat nobility coming 
 from a long line of an- 
 cestry cannot equal tbat 
 of an bonest life.
 
 f QIX purse and 
 an empty bead 
 soon change conditions. 
 
 Cbe world may be stow 
 to render justice, but its 
 fiat is sure and inalter- 
 able* 
 
 Cbe heaviest of fashion- 
 able mourning may con- 
 ceal the lightest of hearts.
 
 will sometimes 
 serve a man such an ill 
 turn, that merit cannot 
 afterwards get the better 
 oftt. 
 
 THBENU
 
 i fini."
 
 A 000 045 751 5
 
 A 000 045 751 5
 
 A 000 045 751 5
 
 
 
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 iBHl^H^B 
 
 ^H^HBflM 
 IH^^^HI