3605 Murphy- Three Tfeeks after Marriage THE LIBRARY OF THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA LOS ANGELES Three Weeks after Marriage ; Yy~\ j A COMEDY, In T W O ACT S, As PERFORMED AT THE T H E A T R E-R O Y A L In COVENT-GARDEN. *&t DUBLIN: Printed for Meflieurs PRICE, CORCORAN, W.WATSON, WILKINSON, SHEPPARD, BDRROWES, CHAMBERLAIN, POTTS, J. HOEY, W. COLLES, J.WILLIAMS, R. MONCRIEFFE, C. JEN KIN, A.RMITAGE, WALKER, E. CROSS, BUR NET, P.WILSON, R.STEWART, MILLS, HIGLY, WOGAN, BONHAM, HILLARY, KIDD, COLBERT, BEATTY, and TALBOT. M,DC C.LXXYI. ADVERTISEMENT. THE following farce was offered to the public in January 1764; but the quarrel about a trifle, and the renewal of that quarrel after the difpute had fubfided, being thought unnatural,, the piece was damned, Mr. LEWIS of Covent-Ga'rden Theatre, had the courage t'o revive it for his benefit in March lafl, with an alteration of the title, and it has been fince repeated with fuccefs. A fimilar incident hap- pened to VOLTAIRE at PARIS. That writer, in the year 1734, produced a tragedy, intitled ADELAIDE DU GUESCLIN, which was hifled through every at. In 1765, LE KAIN, an aQor of eminence, revived the play, which had lain for years under condemnation. Every fcene was applauded. What can I think, fays VOL- TAIRE, of thefe oppofite judgments ? He tells the following anecdote. A banker at Paris had orders to get a new march compofed for one of the regiments of Charles XII. He employed a man of talents for the purpofe. The march was prepared a,nd a practice of it had at the banker's houfe before a numerous aflembly. The mu- fic was found deteftable. MOURET (that was the compofer's name) retired with his perfor- mance, and foon after inferted it in one of his operas. The banker and his friends went to the opera ; the march was applauded. Ah, fays the banker, that's what we wanted: why did you not give us fomething in this tafle ? Sir, replied MOURET, the march which you now applaud, is the very fame that you condemned before. 881295 Dramatis Perfonse. MEN Sir CHARLES RACKETT, Mr. LEWIS. DRUGGET, Mr. QUICK. LOVELACE, Mr. BOOTH. WOODLEY, Mr. YOUNG. w o MEN. Lady RACKETT, Mrs. MATTOCKS. Mrs. DRUGGET, Mrs. PITT. NANCY, Mifs DAYES. DIMITY, Mrs. GREEK. A Servant, &c. Three Weeks after Marriage ; ACT I. Enter Woodley and Dimity. Dimity. PO ! Po ! no fuch thing I tell you Mr. Woodley, you are a mere novice in thele affairs. Wood. Nay, but liften to reafon, Mrs. Dimity, has not your matter, Mr. Drugget, invited me down to his -country- feat, in order to give me his daughter Nancy in marriage; and with what pretence can he now break off? Dim. What pretence ! you put a body out of all patience But go on your own way, Sir; my advice is all loft upon you. Woid. You do me injuftice, Mrs. Dimity your advice has governed my whole conduct Have not I fixed an intereft in the young lady's heart ? Dim. An intereft in a fiddleftick! You ought to have made love to the father and mother What, do you think the way to get a wife, at this time of day, is by fpeaking fine things to the lady you've a fancy for ? That was the practice, indeed ; but things are alter'd now you rrmft addrefs the old people, Sir ; and never trouble your head about your miftrefs None of your letters, and verfes, and foft looks, and fine fpeeches, " Have companion, thou angelic creature, on a poor dying" Pfhaw ! ftuff \ nonfenfe ! all out of fafhion. Go your ways to the old curmudgeon, humour his whims " I ihail ef- A 3 teem 6 THREE WEEKS teem it an honour, Sir, to be allied to a gentleman of your rank and tafte." " Upon my word, he's a pretty young gentleman" Then wheel about to the mo- ther : " Your daughter, ma'am, is the very model of you, and I fliall adore her for your fake-" " Here, come hither, Nancy, take this gentleman for better for worfe." " La, mama, I can never confent." " I fliould not have thought of your confent the con- fent of your relations is enough : why, how now, hufiey !" So away you go to church, the knot is tied, an agreeab'e honey- moon follows, the charm is then diflblv'd ; you go to all the clubs in St. James's Street ; your lady goes to the Coterie ; and, in a lit- tle time you both go to Doflor's Commons ; and, if faults on both fides prevent a divorce, you'll quarrel like contrary elements all the reft of your lives: that's the way of the world now. Wood. But you know, my dear Dimity, the old couple have received every mark of attention from me. Dim. Attention ! to be fure you did not fall afleep in their company ; but what then ? You fhould "have entered into their characters, play'd with their humours, and facrificed to their abfurdities. Wood. But if my temper is too frank Dim. Frank, indeed .' yes, you have been frank enough to ruin yourfelf Have not you to do with a rich old /hop-keeper, retired from bufinefs with an hundred thoufand pounds in his pocket, to enjoy the duft of the London road, which he calls living in the country and yet you muft find fault with his fi- tuation ! What if he has made a ridiculous gim- crack of his houfe and gardens, you know his heart is fet upon it ; and could not you have commended his tafte ? But you muft be too frank ! '* Thofe walks and alleys are too regular ihofe evergreens fhould not be cut into fuch fantaftic fliapes.'' And thus you advife a poor old mechanic, who delights in every thing that's monflrous, to follow nature Oh, you're likely to be a fuccefsful lover ! IVoid. But why fhould I not fave a father-in-law fiom being a laughing ilock ? Dim. AFTER MARRIAGE. 7 Dim. Make him your father-in-law firfl. Woid. Why, he can't open his windows for the dull he ftands all day looking through a pane of glafs at the carts and ftage-coaches, as they pafs by, and he calls that living in the frefh air, and enjoying his own thoughts. Dim. And could not you let him go on his own xvay ? You have ruin'd yourfelf by talking fenfe to him ; and all your nonfenfe to the daughter won't make amends for it. And then the mother ; how have you play'd your cards in that quarter ? rShe wants a tinfel man of fafliion for her fecond daughter " Don't you fee (fays (he) how happy my eldeft girl is made by marrying Sir Charles Rackett. She has been married three entire weeks, and not fo much as one angry word has pafs'd between them Nancy ftiall have a man of quality too." Wood. And yet I know Sir Charles Rackett per- fectly well. Dim, Yes, fo do 1 5 and I know he'll make his lady wretched at laft But what then ? You fhould have humour'd the old folks, you fliould have been a talking empty fop, to the good old lady -, and to the old gentleman, an admirer of his tafte in gardening. But you have loft him he is grown fond of this beau Lovelace, who is here in the houfe with him ; the coxcomb ingratiates himfelf by flattery, and you're undone by rranknefs. Wood. And yet, Dimity, I won't defpair. Dim. And yet you have reafon to defpair ; a mil- lion of reafons To-morrow is fix'd for the wedding- day ; Sir Charles and his lady are to be here this ve- ry night they are engag'd> indeed, at a great rout in town, but they take a bed here, notwithftanding. The family is fitting up for them; Mr. Drugget will keep you all up, in the next room there, till they ar- live and to-morrow the bufmefs is over and yet you don't defpair 1 Hufh ! hold your tongue ; here comes, Lovelace. Step in, and I'll devife fomething, I warrant you. [Exit Woodley.] The old folks fhall not have their own way 'Tis enough to vex a body, 8 THREE WEEKS to fee an old father and mother marrying their daugh- ter as they pleafe, in fpite of all I can do. [Exeunt. Enter Drugget and Lovelace. Drug. And fo you like my houfe and gardens, Mr. Lovelace. Love. Oh! perfectly, Sir ; they gratify my tafte of all things. One fees villas where nature reigns in a wild kind of fimplicity ; but then they have no ap- pearance of art, no art at all. Drug. Very true, rightly diftinguifli'd : now mine is all art ; no wild nature here ; I did it all myfelf. Love. What, had you none of the great proficients in gardening to affift you ? Drug. Lackaday ! no, ha ! ha ! I underftand thefe things I love my garden. The front of my houfe, Mr. Lovelace, is not that very pretty ? Lov. Elegant to a degree ! Drug. Don't you like the fun-dial, plac'd juft by my dining room windows ! Lev. A perfect beauty .' Drug. I knew you'd like it and the motto is fo well adapted Tempus edax & index rerum. And I know the meaning of it Timeeateth and difcovereth all things ha ! ha ! pretty, Mr. Lovelace! I have feen people fo ftare at it as they pafs by ha ! ha ! Lov. Why now, I don't believe there's a nobleman in the kingdom has fuch. a thing. Drug. Oh no they have got into a falfe tafte. I bought that bit of ground, the other fide of the road and it looks very pretty I made a duck- pond there, for the fake of the profpeft. Love. Charmingly imagin'd ! Drug. My leaden images are well Love. They exceed antient ftatuary. Drug. I love to be furpriz'd at the turning of a walk with an inanimate figure, that looks you full in the face, and can lay nothing to you, while one is enjoying one's own thoughts ha ! ha ! Mr. Love- lace, I'll point out a beauty to you Juft by the haw- haw, at the end of my ground, there is a fine Dutch figure, AFTER MARRIAGE. 9 figure, with a fcythe in his hand, and a pipe in his mouth that's a jewel, Mr. Lovelace Love. That efcap'd me : a thoufand thanks for pointing it out I obferve you have two very fine yew-trees before the houfe. Drug. Lackaday, Sir! they look uncouth I have a defign about them I intend ha ! ha ! it will be v,ery pretty, Mr. Lovelace I intend to have them cut into the fhape of the two giants at Guildhall ha ! ha ! Love. Exquifite ! Why then they wont look like trees. Drug. Oh, no, no, not at all I wont have any thing in my garden that looks like what it is ha! ba ! Love. Nobody underftands thefe things like you, Mr. Drugget. Drug. Lackaday ! its all my delight now this is what I have been working for. I have a great im- provement to makeftill I propofe to have my ever- greens cut into fortifications ; and then I (hall have the Moro caftle, and the Havanna ; and then near it (hall be (hips of myrtle, fai.ing upon feas of box to attack the town : won't that make my place look very rural, Mr. Lovelace ? Love. Why you have the moft fertile invention, Mr. Drugzet. Drug. . Ha ! ha ! this is what T have been working for. 1 love my garden but I muft beg your pardon for a few moments I muft ftep and (peak with a famous nurferyman, who is come ta offer me forne choice things Do go and join the company, Mr. Lovelace my daughter Rackett and Sir Charles will be here prefently I (han't go to bed till I fee 'em ha ! ha! my place is prettily variegated this is what I have been working for I fin'd for Sheriff to enjoy thefe things ha! ha! [Exit. Love. Poor Mr. Drugget ! Mynheer Van Thun- dertentrunk, in his little box at the fide of a dyke, has as much tafte and elegance. However, if I can but carry off his daughter, if I can but rob his gar- den io THREE WEEKS Which lovers alone read aright; We look'd, and we figh'd, yet the while Our hearts they went throb with delight. 5- Confent I foon blufh'd, with a figh My promife I ventur'd to plight j Come, Hymen, we then fhall know why Our hearts they go throb with delight. Enter Woodley. Wmd. My fweeteft angel ! I have heard all, and my heart overflows with love and gratitude. Nan. Ah ! but I did not know you was liftening. You fhould not have betray'd me fo, Dimity : I fhall be angry with you. Dim. Well, I'll take my chance for that. Run both into my room, and fay all your pretty things to one another there, for here comes the old gen- tleman make hafte away. [Exeunt Woodley and Nancy. Enter Drugget. Drug. A forward prefuming coxcomb ! Dimity, do you ftep to Mrs. Drugget, and fend her hither- Dim. Yes, Sir ; It works upon him I fee. (Exit. Drug. The yew-trees ought not to be cut, be- caufe they'll help to keep off the duft, and I am too AFTER MARRIAGE. 13 near the road already a forry ignorant fop ! When I am in fo fine a fituation, and can fee every carriage that goes by. And then to abufe the nurfery-man's rarities ! A finer fucking pig in lavender, with fagc growing in his belly, was never feen! And yek he wants me not to have it- But have it I will. There's a fine tree of knowledge too, with Adam and Eve in juniper; Eve's nofe not quite grown, but it's thought in the fpring will be very forward I'll have that too, with the ferpent in ground ivy two poets in wormwood I'll have them both. Ay ; and there's a Lord Mayor's feaft in honey-fuckle j and the whole court of Aldermen in hornbeam : and three modern beaux in jaflamine, fomewhat ftunted : they all fhall be in my garden, with the Dragon of Wantley in box all all I'll have 'em all, let my wife and Mr. Lovelace fay what they will. Enter Mrs. Drugger. Mrs. D. Did you fend for me, lovey ? Drug. The yew-trees (hall be cut into the giants of Guild-hall, whether you will or not. Mrs. D. Sure my own dear will do as he pleafes. Drug. And the pond, tho' you praife the green banks, fhall be wall'd round, and I'll have a little fat boy in mnrble, fpouting up water in the middle. Mrs D. My fv/eer, who hinders you ? Drug. Yes, and I'll buy the nurfery- man's whole catalogue Do you think, after retiring to live all the way here, almoit four miles from London, that I won't do as I pleafe in my own garden ? Mrs. D. My dear, but why are you in fuch a paflion. Drug. I'll have the lavender pig, and the Adam and Eve, and the Dragon of Wantley, and all of 'em and there ,fhant he a more romantic fpot on the London road than mine. Mrs. D. I'm fure it's as pretty as hands can make it. Drug. I did it all myielf, and 1'il do more And Mr. Lovelace fhant have my daughter. Mrs. D. No! whai's the matter now, Mr. Drugget? Drug. He fhall learn better manneis than to abufe my houfe and gardens. Ycu put him in itye head of B it, H THREE WEEKS it, but I'll difappoint ye both And fo you may go> and tell Mr. Lovelace that the match is quite off. Mrs. D. I can't comprehend all this, not I but I'll tell him fo, if you pleafe, my dear I am willing to give myfelf pain, if it will give you pleafure : muft I give myfelf pain ? don't afk me, pray dont ; 1 don't like pain. Drug. I am refolv'd, and it fliall be fo. Mrs. D. Let it be fo then. [Cries] Oh ! oh ! cruel man ! I (hall break my heart if the match is broke off if it is not concluded to-morrow, fend for an under- taker, and bury me the next day. Drug. How ! I don't want that neither Mrs. D. Oh! Oh! Drug. I am your lord and mafter, my dear, but not your executioner Before George, it muft never be &id that my wife died of too much compliance Cheer up, my love and this affair fliall be fettled as foon as Sir Chajles and Lady Rackett arrive- Mrs- D. You bring me to life again You know, my fw.ee t, what an happy couple Sir Charles and his Lady are Why fliould not we make our Nancy as happy. Enter Dimity. Dim. Sir Charles and his lady, Ma'am. Mrs. D. Oh! charming! I'm tranfported with joy J Where are they? I long to fee 'em ? [Exit. Dim. Well, Sir ; the happy couple are arriv'd. Drug. Yes they do live happy indeed. Dim. But how long will it laft? Drug. How long ! Don't forbode any ill, you jade don't, I fay, It will latl during their lives, I hope. Dim. Well, mark the end of it Sir Charley, I know, is gay and good-humour'd but he can't bear the lead contradiction, no, not in the mereft trifle. Drug. Hold your tongue hold your tongue. Dim. Yes, Sir, I have done ; and yet there is in the compofition of Sir Charles a certain humour, which, like the flying gout, gives no diliurbance to the family till it fettles in the head When once it fixes there, mercy on every body about him! but here he comes. [Exit. . Enter AFTER MARRIAGE. 1-5 Enter Sir Charles. Sir Char. My dear Sir, I kifs your hand but why ftand on ceremony ? To find you up thus late, morti- fies me beyond expreflion. Drug. 'Tis but once in a way, Sir Charles. Sir Cba. My obligations to you are inexpreffible ; you have given me the moft amiable of girls ; our tempers accord like unifons in mufic. Drug. Ah! that's what makes me happy in my old days ; my children and my garden are all my care. tor Cba- And my friend Lovelace he is to have our Inter Nancy, I find. Drug. Why my wife is fo minded. Sir Cba- Oh, by all means, let her be made happy A very pretty fellow Lovelace And as to that Mr. Woodley I think you call him he is but a plain underbred, ill fafhioned fort of a Nobody knows him; he is not one of us Oh, by all means marry her to one of us. Drug. I believe it rauft be fo Would you take any refrelhmf nt ? Sir Cba. Nothing in nature it is time to retire. Drug. Well, well ! good night then, Sir Charles Ha ! here comes my daughter- Good night, Sir Charles. Sir Cba. Bon repos. Drug. [Goingout.] My Lady Rackett, I'm glad 'to hear how happy you are, I won't detain you now there's your good man waiting for you good night, my girl. [Exit. Sir Cba. I muft humour this old putt, in order to be remember'd in his will. Enter Lady Rackett. Lady R. O la ! I'm quite fatigu'd I can hardly move why don't you help me, you barbarous man ? Sir Cba. There ; take my arm " Was ever thing fo pretty made to walk." Lady R. But I won't be laugh'd at I don't love you. Sir Cba. Don't you ? Lady'R. No. Dear me! this glove ! Why don't you help me off with my glove ! pftaw ! You auk- ward thing, let it alone j you an't fit to be about me, B 2, I might 16 THREEWEEKS I might as well not be married, for any ufe you are of Reach me a chair You have no companion for me I am fo glad to fit down Why do you drag me to routs You know I hate 'em? Sir Cka. Oh ! there's no exilttngr, no breathing, unlefs one do.es as other people of fashion do. LadyR. But I'm out of humour, I loft all my money. Sir Cba. How much ? Lady R. Three hundred. Sir Cha- Never fret for that I don't value three hundred pounds to contribute to your happinefs. Lady R. Don't you ? not value three hundred pounds to pleafe me ? Sir Cba. You know I don'r. Lady R. Ah ! you fond fool ! but I hate gaming It almoft metamorphofes a woman into a fury Do you know that I was frighted at myfelf feveral times to-night I had an huge oath at the very tip of my tongue. Sir Cba. Had ye ? Lady R. I caught myfelf at it and fo I bit my lips and then I was cramm'd up in a corner of the room with fuch a ftrange party at a whift-table, looking at black and red fpots did you mind 'em ? Sir Cha. You know I was bufy elfewhere. Lady R. There was that ftrange unaccountable wo- man, Mrs. Nightfliade She behav'd fo ftrangely to her hufband, a poor, inoffenfive, good natur'd, good fort of a good for nothing kind of man, but (he fo teiz'd him '' How could you play that card ? Ah, you've a head, and fo has a pin You're a numfcull, you know you are Ma'am, he has the pooreft head ia the- world, he does not know what, he is about; you know you don't Ah fy ! I'm afham'd of you !" Cir Cba. She has ferv'd to divert you, I fee. Lady R. And then to crown all there was my Lady Clackit, who runs on with an eternal volubility of nothing, out of all feafon, time, and place In the very midft of the game (he begins, " Lard, Ma'am, I was apprehenfive 1 ihould not be able to wait on your La'iLip my poor little dog, Pompey the fweeteft AFTER MARRIAGE. 17 fweeteft thing in the world, a fpade led ! there's the knave I was fetching a walk, Me'm, the other morning in the Park a fine frofty morning it was I love frofty weather of all things Let me look at the laft trick and fo Me'm, little Pompey And if your La'fliip was to fee the dear creature pinch'd with the froft, and mincing his fteps along the mall with his pretty little innocent face I vow I don't know what to play And fo Me'm, while I was talking to Captain Flimfey Your La'fliip knows Captain Fiimfey Nothing but rubbifli in my hand I can't help it And fo, Me'm, five odious frights of dogs befet my poor little Pompey the dear creature has the heart of a lion, but who can refift five at once ? And fo Pompey barked for afliftance the hurt he received was upon his chert the doclor would not advife him to venture out till the wound is heal'd, for fear of an inflammation Pray what's trumps ? Sir Cha. My dear, you'd make a mod excellent aftrefs. Lady R. Well, now let's go to red but Sir Charles, how fhockingly you play'd that laft rubber, when I ftood looking over you ! Sir Cba. My love, I play'd the truth of the game. Lady R- No, indeed, my dear, you play'd it wrong.. Sir Cha. Po! nonfenfe! you don't underftand it. Lady R. I beg your pardon, I am allowed to play better than you. Sir Cba. All conceit, my dear, I was perfectly right. Lady R. No fuch thing, Sir Charles, the diamond was the play. Si. Cba. Po J po ! ridiculous ! the club was the card againft the world. Lady R. Oh, no, no, no, I fay it was the diamond, Sir Cha. Zounds ! Madam, I fay it was the club. Lady R. What do you fly into fuch a paffion for ? Sir Cha. 'Sdeath and fury, do you think I don't know what I'm about ? I tell you once more, the club was the judgment of it. Lady R. May be fo have it your own way [walks about and /ings. ] B 3 Sir 18 THREE WEEKS Sir Cba. Vexation! you're the ftrangeft woman that ever liv'd ; there's no converting with you Look'ye here, my Lady Racket it's the cleared cafe in the world, I'll make it plain in a moment. Lady R. Well, Sir ! ha ! ha ! ha ! ['with a fneering laugh.} Sir Cba. I had four cards left a trump was led they were fix no, no, no, they were feven, and we nine then you know the beauty of the play was to Lady R. Well, now its amazing to me, that you can't fee it give me leave Sir Charles your left hand adverfaiy had led his lafl trump and he had before finefs'd the club, and rough'd the diamond now if you had put on your diamond Sir Cha. Zoons ! Madam, but we play'd for the odd trick. Lady R. And fare the play for the odd trick Sir Cha Death and fury! caji't you hear me ? Lady R. Go on, Sir. Sir Cha. Zoons, hear me, I fay will you hear me ? Lady R. I never heard the like in my life. [Hums a. tune, and 'walks about fretfully.} Sir Cba. Why. then you are enough to provoke the patience of a Stoick [Laofa at her, and Jl>e walks about, and laughs uneajily.] Very well, Madam ; You know no more of the game than your father's leaden Hercules on the top of the houfe You know no more of whift than he does of gardening. Lady R. Ha ! ha ! ha ! [Takes out a Glafs and fettles her Hair.] Sir Cha. You're a vile woman, and I'll not fleep another night under one roof wit-h you. Lady R. As you pleafe, Sir. Sir Cba. Madam, it fhall be as I pleafe I'll order ray chariot this moment [Going.] I know how the cards ihould be play'd as well as any man in England, that let me tell you [Going.] And when your family were (landing behind counters, meafuring out tape, and bartering for Whitechapel needles, my anceftors, 11.7 anceftors, Madam, were fquandering away whole eftates AFTER MARRIAGE. 19 cflates at Cards j whole eftates, my Lady Rackett [She hums a Tune, and he looks at her]- Why then, by all that's dear to me, I'll never exchange another word with you, good, bad, or indifferent Look'ye, my Lady Rackett thus it flood the trump being led, it was then my bufinefs Lady R. To play the diamond, to be fure. , Sir Cha. Damn it, I have done with you for ever, and fo you may tell your father. [Exit. LadyR. What a paffion the gentleman's in! ha! ha! {Laughs in a peevijh Manner.] I promife him, I'll not give up my judgment. Enter Sir Charles. Sir Cha. My Lady Rackett, look'ye, Ma'am once more out of pure good nature Lady R. Sir, I am convinc'd of your good-nature. Sir Cha. That, and. that only prevails with me to tell you, the club was the play. Lady R. Well, be it fo I have no objection. Sir Cha- It's the cleared point in the world we were nine, and Lady R, And for that very reafon : You know the club was the beft in the houfe. Sir Cha. There is no fuch thing as talking to you You're a bafe woman I'll part from you for ever ; you may live here with your father, and admire his fantaf- tical ever-greens, till you grow as fantaftical yourfelfr I'll fet out for London this inftant [Stops at the Door.] The club was not the belt in the houfe. Lady R. How calm you are ? Well ! I'll go to bed ; will you come ? you had better come then you, (hall come to bed not come to bed when I afk you !- Poor Sir Charles ! [Looks and laughs, then exit. Sir Cha That eafe is provoking. [CroJJes to the op- pofite Door 'where Jle went out.] I tell you the diamond was not the play, and I here take my final leave of you [Walks hack as fajl as he can.] I am refolv'd upon it, and I know the club was not the beft in the houfe. [Exit. ACT THREE WEEKS II. Enter Dimity. Dimity. HA ! ha ! ah ! oh ! heavens ! I fiiall expire in a fit of laughing This is the modifh couple that were fo happy luch a quarrel as they have had the whole houfe is in an up-roar ha! ha ! A rare proof of the happinefs they enjoy in high life. I fliall never hear people of fafhion mentioned again, but I fhall be ready to die in a fit of laughter ho ! ho ! ho ! this is three weeks after marriage, I think.' Enter Drugget. Drug. Hey ! how ! what's the matter, Dimity ? What am I call'd down flairs for ? Dim. Why there's two people of faftion [Stifles a laugh. ~\ Drug. Why, you faucy minx ! Explain this moment. Dim. The fond couple have been together by the cars this half hour are you fatisfied now? Drug. Ay ! what have they quarrell'd what was it about ? Dim. Something above my comprehenfion, and yours too, I believe People in high life underftand their own forms bed And here comes one that can unriddle the whole affair. [Exit. Enter Sir Charles. Sir Cba. [To the People within.] I fay, let the horfes be put- to this moment So, Mr- Drugget. Drug. Sir Charles, here's a terrible buftle I did not expeft this what can be the matter ? Sir Cba. I have been us'd by your daughter, in fo bafe, fo contemptuous a manner, that I am determin'd not to ftay in this^houfe to-night. Drug. AFTER MARRIAGE. 31 Drug. This is a thunder-bolt to me f after feeing how elegantly and faftiionably you liv'd together, to find now all funfhine vanifh'd Do, Sir Charles, let me heal this breach if poffible. Sir Cba. Sir, 'tis impcflible I'll not live with her a day longer. Drug- Nay, nay, don't be over hafty let me intreat you, go to bed and fleep upon it in the morning when you're cool Sir Cba. Oh, Sir, I am very cool, I affure ha ! ha! it is not in her power, Sir, to a a to difturb the ferem'ty of my temper Don't imagine that I'm in a pallion I'm not fo eafily ruffled as you may imagine But quietly and deliberately I can repay the injuries done me by a falfe, ungrateful, deceitful wife. Drug. The injuries done you by a falfe, ungrateful wife ! My daughter I hope Sir Cba. Her character is now fully known to me Ihe's a vile woman ! that's all I have to fay, Sir. Drug. Hey ! how ! a vile woman what has (he done I hope (he is not capable Sir Cba. I lhall enter into no detail, Mr. Drugget ; the time and circumftances won't allow it at p r elem But depend upon it, I have done with her a low, un- polifti'd, uneducated, falfe, impofing See if the horfes are put-to. Drug. Mercy on me ! in my old days to hear this. Enter Mrs. Drugget. - Mrs. D. Deliver me ! I aai all over in fuch a trem- b'e Sir Charles, I fhall break my heart if there's any thing amifs. SirCha. Madam, lam very forry, for your fake but there is no poffibility of living with her. Mrs. D. My poor dear girl ! What can (he have dene ? Sir Cba. What all her fex can do, the very fpirit of them all. Drug Ay ! ay ! ay ! She's bringing foul difgrace up- on us This comes of her marrying a man of fafliion. Sir Cba. Faftiion, Sir ! That fhould have inftrufted her better She might have been fenfible of her happi- nefs 22 THREE WEEKS nefs Whatever you may think of the fortune you gave her, my rank in life claims refpetl claims obedi- ence, attention, truth, and love, from one raifed in the world as (he has been by an alliance with me. Drug. And let me tell you, however you may efti- mate your quality, my daughter is dear to me- Sir Cba. And, Sir, my characler is dear to me. Drug. Yet you muft give me leave to tell you Sir Cba. I won't hear a word. Drug. Not in behalf of my own daughter ? Sir Cba. Nothing can excufe her 'tis to no purpofe She has married above her; and if that circumftance makes the lady forget herfelf, (he at Jeaft (hall fee that I can, and will fupport my own dignity. Drug But, Sir, 1 have a right to aflc Mrs. D. Patience, my dear, be a little calm. Drug. Mrs. Drugget, do you have patience, I muil and will enquire. Mrs. D. Don't be fo hafty, my love ; have fome re- fpecl for Sir Charles's rank ; don't be violent with a man of his fafhion. Drug. Hold your tongue, woman, I fay you're not a perfon of faftion at leaft My daughter was ever a good girl. Sir Cba. I have found her out. Drug. Oh .' then its all over and it does not fignify arguing about it. Mrs. D. That ever I (hould live to fee this hour { How the unfortunate girl could take fuch wickednefs in her head, I can't imagine I'll go and fpeak to the un- happy creature this moment. [Exit* Sir Chn. She ftands detected now detected in her trueft colours. Drug. Well, grievous as it may be, let me hear the circumftances of this unhappy bufinefs. Sir Cba. Mr. Drugget, I have not leifure now but her behaviour has been fo exafperating, that I (hall make the beft of my way to town My mind is fixed- She fees me no more, and io, your fervant Sir. [Exit. Drug. What a calamity has here befallen us ! a good gir), and (o well difpos'd, till the evil cornmuni- AFTER MARRIAGE. 23 cation of high life, and falhionable vices, turn'd her to folly. Enter Lovelace. Love. Joy ! joy ! Mr. Drugget, I give you joy. Drug. Don't infuh me, Sir, I defire you won't. Love. Infult you, Sir! is there any thing infu king, my dear Sir, if I take the liberty to congratulate you on ' Drug. There f there! the manners of high life for you He thinks there's nothing in all this the ill be- haviour of a wife he thinks an ornament to her charac- ter Mr. Lovelace you fliall have no daughter of mine. Love. My dear Sir, never bear malice I have re- confidered the thing, and curfe catch me, if I don't think your notion of the Guildhall giants, and the court of Aldermen in hornbeam Drug Well ! well ! well ! there may be people at the court end of the town in hornbeam too. Love. Yes, faith, fo there may and I believe I could recommend you to a tolerable collection however, with your daughter I am ready to venture. Drug- But i am not ready I'll not venture my girl with you no more daughters of mine (hall have their minds deprav'd by polite vices. Enter Wood ley. Mr. Woodley you fhall have Nancy to your wife, as I promis'd you take her to morrow morning. Wood. Sir, I have not words to exprefs Love. What the devil is the matter with the old ha- berdaftier now ? Drug. And hark ye, Mr. Woodley I'll make you a prelent for your garden, of a coronation dinner in greens, with the champion riding on horlebacfc, and the fword will be full grown before April next. Wood. I fliall receive it, Sir, as your favour. Drug. Ay, ay ! I fee my error in wanting an al- liance with great folks I had rather have you, Mr. Woodley, for uiy fon-in-law, than any courtly fop of 'em all. Is this man gone ! Is Sir Charles Rackett gone ? Wood. 24 THREEWEEKS Wood. Not yet ; he makes a bawling yonder for hh horfes I'll ttep and call him to you. [Exit. Drug. I am out of all patience 1 ain out of my fenfes I muft fee him once more Mr. Lovelace, neither you nor any perfon of fafhion, (hall ruin another daughter of mine. [Exit. Love. Droll this! damn'd droll ! And every fyllable of it Arabic to me the queer old putt is as whimfical in his notions of life as of gardening. If this be the cafe I'll brufh, and leave him to his exotics. [Exit. Enter Lady Rackett, Mrs. Drugget, and Dimity. Lady R. A cruel barbarous man ! to quarrell in this unaccountable manner ; to alarm the whole houfe, and expofe me and himfelf too. Mrs. D. Oh ! child ! I never thought it would have come to this your fhame won't end here ; it will be ail over St. James's parifh by to-morrow morning. Lady R. Well, if it muft be fo, there's one comfort, the ftory will tell more to his difgrace than mine. Dim. As I'm a (inner, and fo it will, Madam. He deferves what he has met with, I think. Mrs. D. Dimity, don't you encourage her you fliock me to hear you fpeak fo I did not think you had been fo harden'd. Lady R- Harden'd do you call it ? 1 have liv'd in the world to very little purpofe, if fuch trifles as thefe are to difturb my reft. Mrs. D You wicked girl .' Do you call it a trifle to be guilty of falfliood to your hufband's bed ? Lady R- How ! [Turns Jbort, and Ji ares at her. Dim. That ! that's a mere trifle indeed I have been in as good places as any body, and not a creature minds it now, I'm fure Mrs. D. My Lady Rackett, My Lady Rackett, I never could think to fee you come to this deplorable fhame. Lady R. Surely the bafe man has not been capable of laying any thing of that fort to my charge [J/idt>.] All this is unaccountable to me ha ! ha ! 'tis ridicu- lous beyond meafure. Dm. AFTER MARRIAGE. 25 Dim. That's right, Madam : Laugh at it you ferv'd him right. Mrs. D. Charlotte ! Charlotte ! I'm aftonifh'd at your wickednefs. Lady R. Well, I proteft and vow I don't compre- hend all this has Sir Charles accus'd me of any im- propriety in my conduct? Mrs. D. Oh ! too true, he has he has found you out, and you have behav'd bafely, he fays. Lady R. Madam ! Mrs. D. You have fallen into frailty, like many others of your fex, he fays ; and he is refolv'd to come to a feparation direflly. Lady R. Why then if he is fo bafe a wretch as to difhonour me in that manner, his heart lhall ake before I live with him again. Dim- Hold to that Ma'am, and let his head ake into the bargain. Mrs. D. Your poor father heard it as well as me. Lady R. Then let your doors be opened for him this very moment Let him return to London if he does not, I'll lock myfelf up, and the falfe one fhan't ap- proach me, tho' he beg on his knees at my very daor a bafe injurious man! [Exit. Mrs. D. Dimity, do let us follow, and hear what flie has to fay for herfelf. [Exit. Dim. She has excufe enough I warrant her What a noife is here indeed ! I have liv'd in polite families, where there was no fuch buttle made about nothing. [Exit. Enter Sir Charles and Drugget. Sir Cba. 'Tis in vain, Sir, my refolution is taken Drug. Well, but confider, I am her father indulge me only till we hear what the girl has to fay in her defence. Sir Cba. She can have nothing to fay no excufe can palliate fuch behaviour. Drug. Don't be too pofitive there may be fome miftake. Sir Cba. No miftake did not I fee her, hear her myfelf? C Drug. 26 T II R E E W E E K S Drug. Lackaday ! then I am an unfortunate man ! Sir Cha. She will be unfortunate too with all my heart She may thank herfelf She might have been happy, had ftie been fo difpos'd. Drug. Why truly, I think (lie might. Enter Mrs- Drugget. Mrs. D- I wi(h you'd moderate your anger a little and let us talk over this affair with temper my daugh- ter denies every tittle of your charge. Sir Cha. Denies it ! denies it ! Mrs. D. She does indeed. SirC/'rt. And that aggravates her fault. Mrs. D. She vows you never found her out in any thing that was wrong. Sir Cba. So ! She does not allow it to be wrong then ! Madam, I tell you again, I know her thorough Jy, I fay, I have found her out, and I am now ac- quainted with her character. Mrs. D. Then you are in oppofite ftories She fwears, my dear Mr. Drugget, the poor girl fwears (he never was guilty of the fmalleft infidelity to her hufband in her born days. Sir Cba. And what then ? What if (he does fay fo ! Mrs. D. And if foe fays truly, it is hard her cha- jafter fhould be blown upon without juft caufe. Sir Cha. And is (he therefore to behave ill in other refpefts? I never charg'd her with infidelity tome, Madam there I allow her innocent. Drug. And did not you charge her then ? , Sir Cba. No, Sir, I never dreamt of fuch a thing. Drug. Why then, if (he's innocent, let me tell you, you're a fcandalous perfon. S~ Mrs. D. Prithee, my dear -' Drug. Be quiet tho' he is a man of quality, I .*f will tell him of it did not I fine for fheriff ? Yes, you are a fcandalous perfon to defame an honeft man's daughter. Sir Cha. What have you taken into your head now ? Drug. You charg'd her with falftood to your bed. SirCta. No never never. Drug. AFTER MARRIAGE. 27 Drug. But I fay you did you call'd yourfelf a cuc- kold did not he wife ? Mrs. D. Yes, Lovey, I'm witnefs. Sir Cha, Abfurd ! I faid no fuch thing Drug. But I aver you did Mrs. D. You did, indeed, Sir Sir Cba. But I tell vou no pofhively, no. ' Drug, and Mrs. D. And I fay, yes pofitively Sir Cha. 'Sdeath, this is all madnefs Drug You faid that flie follow'd the ways of moft of he> fex Sir Cba I laid fo and what then f Drug. There he owns it o,wns that he call'd him- felf a cuckold and without rhyme or reafon into the bargain Sir Cba. I never own'd any fuch thing Drug. You own'd it even now now now DOW Enter Dimity, in aft of laughing. Dim. What do you think it was all about ha ! ha ! the whole fecret is come out, ha ! ha ! It was all about a game of cards ha ! ha ! Drug A game of cards ! Dim (laughing ) It was all about a club and a dia- nmnd. (tuns out laughing.) Drug. And was that all Sir Charles? Sir Cha. And enough too, Sir Drug. And was that what you found her out in! Sir Cha. I can't bear to be contradicted, when I'm clear that I'm in the right. Drug. I never heard of fuch a heap of nonfence in all my life Woodley (hall marry Nancy. Mrs. D. Don't be in a hurry my love, this will all be made tip. Drug. Why does he not go and beg her pardoa then ? Sir Cha. I beg her pardon ! I won't debafe myfelf to any of you I (han't forgive her, you may reft af- fur'd [Exit. Drag. Now there there's a pretty fellow for you C 2 Mrs. 28 THREEWEEKS Mrs. D. I'll ftep and prevail on my Lady Racket to fpeak to him then all will be well. [Exit. Drug. A ridiculous fop ! I'm glad it's no worfe how- ever. Enter Nancy. So Nancy you feem in confufion, my girl ! Nan. How can one help it ? With all this npife in the houfe, and your going to marry me as ill as my filler 1 hate Mr. Lovelace. Drug. Why fo, child ? Nan. I know ihefe people of quality defpife us all out of pride, and would be glad to marry us out of avarice. Drug. The girl's right. Nan. They marry one woman, live with another, and love orly themfelves. Drug. And then quarrel about a card- Nan. I don't want to be a gay lady I want to be happy. Drug. And fo you. (hall don't fright yourfeif, child ftep to your fifter, bid her make herfelf eafy- go, and comfort her, go Nan. Yes, Sir. [Exit. Drug. I'll ftep and fettle the matter with Mr. \Voodley this moment. [Exit. Enter Sir Chailes, tuitb a Pack of Cardi in bis Hand. Sir Cba- Never was any thing like her behaviour I can pick out the very cards I had in my hand, and then 'tis as plain as the fun there now there no flamn it no there it was now let's fee They had four by honours and we play'd for the odd trick damnation! honours were divided ay! honours weie divided and then a trump was led and the other fide had the confufion ! this prepofterous woman has put it all out of my head [Puts the Cards into bis Pocket.] M ; ghty well Madam ; I have done with you. Enter Mrs. Diugget. Mrs. D. Come, Sir Charles, let me prevail come w'th me and fpeak to her. Sir C?a. I don't deflre to fee her face. Mrs. AFTER MARRIAGE. 29 Mrs. D. If you were to fee her all bath'd in tears, I am fure it would melt your very heart. Sir Cha. Madam, it (hall be my fault if ever I am treated fo again I'll have nothing to fay to her {Going, flops.] Does (he give up the point ? Mrs. D. She does, fhe agrees to any thing. Sir Cba. Does (he allow that the club was the play ? Mrs. D. Juft as you pleafe She's allfubmiflion. Sir Cha, Does foe own that the club was not the belt in the houfe ? Mrs. D. She does She does- Sir Cha. Then I'll ftep and fpeak to her I never was clearer in any thing in my life. '[Exit. Mrs. D. Lord love 'em, they'll make it up now and then they'll be as happy as ever. [Exit. Enter Nancy. Nan. Well! they may talk what they will of tafte, and genteel life -I don't think it's natural give me Mr. Woodley La ! there's that odious thing coming this way. Enter Lovelace. Love. My charming little innocent, I have not feen you thefe three hours. Nan. I have been very happy thefe three hours. Love. My fweet angel, you feem difconcerted And you neglect your pretty figure No matter for the pre- fent ; in a little time I fhall make you appear as grace- ful and genteel as your filler. Nan. That is not what employs my thoughts, Sir. Love. Ay, but my pretty little dear, that ihou'd en- gage your attention to fet off and adorn the charms that nature has given you, /hould be the bufinefs of your life. Nan. Ah ! but I have learnt a new fong that contra- difts what you fay, and tho' I am not in a very good humour for finging, yet you (hall hear it. Love. By all means ; don't check your fancy I am all attention. Nan. It exprefles my fentimsnts, and when you have heard them, you won't teize me any more. C 3 SONG. 30 THREE WEEKS SONG, i. To dance, and to drefc, and to flaunt it about> To run to park, play, to afiembly and rout, To wander for ever in whim's giddy maze, And one poor hair torture a million of ways, To put, at the glafs, ev'ry feature to fchool, And practife their art on each fop and each fool, Of one thing to think, and another to tell, Thefe, thefe are the manners of each giddy belle- To fmile, nnd to fimper, white teeth to difplay ; The time in gay follies to trifle away ; Againlt ev'ry virtue the bofom to fteel, And only of drefs the anxieties feel ; To be at Eve's ear, the infidious decoy, The pleafure ne'er tafte, yet the mifchief enjoy, To boatl of foft raptures they never can know, Thefe, thefe are the manners of each giddy beau. [Exit. Love. I mutt have her notwithstanding this for tho' 1 am not in love, yet I'm in debt. Enter Drugget. Drug. So, Mr. Lovelace ! any news from above- ftairs ? is this abfurd quarrel at an end Have they made it up ? Love. Oh I a mere bagatelle, Sir thefe little fracas among the better fort of people never laft long ele- gant trifles caufe elegant difputes, and we come toge- ther elegantly again as you fee for here they come, in perfect good humour. Enter Sir Charles and Lady Rackett. Sir Cha. Mr. Drugget, I embrace you ; Sir, you fee me now in the moft perfect harmony of fpirits. Drug. What, all reconcil'd aga ; n ? Lady R. All made up, Sir 1 knew how to bring him to my lure This is the firft difference, I think, we ever had, Sir Charles. Sir Cha. And I'll be fworn it (hail be the laft. Drug. I am happy at lair. Sir Charles, I can fpare you an image to put on the top of your houfe in London. Sir Cba. AFTER MARRIAGE. , 3 t Sir Cba. Infinitely oblig'd to you. Drug. Well ! well! It's time to retire now I am glad to fee you reconciled and now I'll wifli you a good night, Sir Charles Mr. Lovelace, this is your way fare ye well both 1 am glad your quarrels are at an end This way, Mr. Lovelace [Exeunt Lovelace and Drugget. Lady R. Ah ! you're a fad man Sir Charles, to be- have to me as you have done Sir Cha. My dear, I grant it and fuch an abfurd quarrel too' ha ! ha ! Lady R. Yes ha ! ha ! about fuch a trifle Sir Cba. It's pleafant how we could both fall into fuch an error ha ! ha ' Lady R. Ridiculous beyond expreffion ha! ha! Sir Cba. And then the miftake your father and mo- ther fell into ha ! ha ! Lady R. That too is a diverting part of the ftory ha! ha! But, Sir Charley muft I ftay and live with my father till I grow as fantaftical as his own evergreens ? S'nCka. No, no, prithee don't remind me of my folly. Lady R. Ah ! my relations were all (landing behind counters, felling Whitechapel needles, while your fa- mily were fpending great eftates. Sir Cha. Nay, nay, fpare my blufhes. Lady R. How could you fay fo harOi a thing ? I don't love you. Sir Cba. It was indelicate, I grant it. Lady R. Am I a vile woman r , Sir Cba. How can you, my angel ? Lady R. I (han't forgive you ! I'll have you on your knees for this. (Sings and plays nuitb him.) " Go, naughty man." Ah! Sir Charles- Sir Cba. The reit of my life (hall aim at convincing you how fincerely I love Lady R. (Sings.) Go, naughty man, I can't abide you" Well ! come let us go to rett. (Going.) Ah, Sir Charles ! now it's all over, the diamond was the play Sir Cba. Oh no, no, no, my dear ! ha ! ha ! It was the club indeed Lady R. Indeed my love, you're miftaken. Sir Cba. 3 z THREE WEEKS Sir Cba. Oh, no, no, no Lady R. But I fay, yes, yes, yes (Both laughing.) Sir Cba. Pfli'aw, no fuch thing ha! ha! Lady R. 'Tis fo, indeed ha! ha! Sir Chn. No no no you'll make me die with laughing Lady R- Ay, and you make me laugh too ha! ha ! (Toying ivitb him.) Enter Footman. Footm.. Your honour's cap and flippers Sir Cha, Ay, lay down my night cap and here take thefe (hoes off. (He takes 'em off y and leaves 'em at a diftance.) Indeed my Lady Rackett, you make me ready to expire with laughing ha ! ha ! Lady R. You may laugh but I'm right notwith- ftanding Sir Cba. How can you fay fo ? Lady R. How can you fay otherwife ? Sir Cba. Well now mind me, my Lady Rackett We now can talk of this matter in good humour we can difcufs it cooly Lady R. So we can and it's for that reafon I ven- ture to fpeak to you are thefe the ruffles I bought for you ? Sir Cba. They are my dear. Lady R. They are very pretty but indeed you played the card wrong Sir Cba. Po, there's nothing fo clear if you will but hear me only hear me Lady R. Ah ! but do you hear me the thing was thus the adverfary's club being the beft in the houfe Sir Ota How can you talk foj (fame --what pee vijb .) Lady R. See there now . Sir Cba. Lillen to me this was the affair Lady/?. Pfhaw! fiddleftick! hear me firft. Sir Cba. Po no damn it let me fpeak. Lady R. Well, to be fure you're a ftrange man ~ Sir Cba. Plague and torture ! there is no iuch thing as converting with you . Lady R. Very well, Sir fly out again Sir Cba. AFTER MARRIAGE. 33 Sir Cba. Look here now here's a pack of cards now you fhall be conviuc'd Lady R. You may talk till to-morrow I know I'm right, (walks about.) 'Sir Cba. Why then, by all that's perverfe, you are the moft headftrong Can't you look here now here are the very cards ' Lady R. Go on ; you'll find it out at laft Sir Cba. Damn it ! will you let a man fhew you ! Po ! its all nonfenfe I'll talk no more about h--(Puts up the cards-) Come, we'll go to bed (Going.) Now only ftay a moment (Takes out the cards J Now, mind me fee here Lady R. No, it does not fignify your head will be clearer in the morning I'll go to bed Sir Cba. Stay a moment, can't ye Lady R. No my head begins to ake (Affeftedly.) Sir Cba- Why then damn the cards there there (Tbmving the cards about.) and there, and there you may go to bed by yourfelf and confufion feize me, if I live a moment longer with you (Putting on his fetes again.) Enter Dimity. Dim- Did you call, Sir ? Sir Cba. No never never madam Dim. (In a fit of laughing.) What, at it again ! Lady R. Take your own way, Sir- Sir Cba- Now then I tell you once more you are a vile woman. Dim. Law, Sir ! This is charming I'll run and tell the old couple. [Exit. SirCta. (Still putting on his Jhoes.) You are the moft perverfe, obftinate, nonfenfical Lady R. Ha ! ha ! don't make me laugh again, Sir Charles. S'uCka. Hell and the devil will you fit down quietly and let me convince you. Lady R. I dont chufe to hear any more about it Sir Cha. Why then I believe you are poflefled it is in vain to. talk fenfe and reafon to you- Lady R. 34. T H R E E W E E K S Lady R. Thank you for your compliment, Sir fuch a man (With afneering laugh.) I never knew the like (Sits do-wn.) Sir Cba. I promife you, you (nail repent of this ufage, before you have a moment of my company again it (han't be in a hurry you may depend, Ma- dam Now fee here I can prove it to a demonftra- tion (Sits demon by her, /be gets up.) Look ye there again now you have the molt perverfe and peeviih temper I wifh I had never feen your face I wifh I was a thou- fand milrs off from you fit down but one moment Ladv R. I'm difp:>b\J to walk about, Sir Sir Cba. Why then may I perifh if ever a blockhead- an ideot I was to marry (Walks about.) fuch a provok- ing impertinent (Sbe ftts dc