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 CA]\IARALZAMAN AlvJD BADOURA; 
 
 THE PERI WHO LOYED THE PRINCE : 
 AN EXTRAVACAIMT ARABIAN NIGHT'S ENTERTAINMENT, 
 
 JEn STtoo mcts 
 
 BY THE 
 
 BROTHERS BROUGH, 
 
 AUTHORS OF "the enchanted isle," etc. 
 
 AS FIRST PERFORMED AT THE 
 
 THEATRE ROYAL, HAY- MARKET. 
 
 CORRECTLY PRINTED FROM THE PROMPTER'S COPY, 
 
 WITH THE CAST OF CHARACTERS, SCENIC ARRANGEMENT, SIDES OF 
 
 ENTRANCE AND EXIT, AND RELATIVE POSITIONS OF THE 
 
 DRAMATIS PERSONiB. 
 
 SPLEKDIDLY ULTISTEATED WITH AN ENGEAVIKQ- 
 BY ME. BEEWEE, 
 
 Taken during the Representation of the Piece. 
 
 LONDON: 
 
 PUBLISHED AT THE NATIONAL ACTING DEAMA OFFICE, 
 19, SUFFOLK 8TEEET, PALL MALL EAST; "NASSAU STEAM 
 PEESS," GO, ST. MAETIN'S LANE, CHAEING CEOSS ; TO BE 
 HAD OF STEANGE, PATEENOSTEE EOW ; WISEUEAET, SUFFOLK 
 6TBEET, DUBLIN ; AND ALL EESPECTABLE BOOKSELLEES.
 
 DRAMATIS PERSONS 
 
 First performed Taesdai/, December 26^/*, 1848. 
 
 mORTALS. 
 
 BUNG, the son of Tung, whose father] 
 vras Hung, {Emperor of China, brother VMr. James Bland. 
 of the Sun, and father of his daughter). . J 
 
 CAMARALZAM.\N, (Heirto thefhrone^ 
 of the Isles of Khaledan—a localitt/ that l^jigg p Horton 
 has somehotc or othei- got obliterated from C 
 the map) J 
 
 Jiy SLING, (Crown Prince of Japan-, ^^^ Caulfield. 
 —afterwards a Medical Student) .. .. i 
 
 BADOURA, (the Princess of Ch^na,^ 
 with strong opinions of maintaining Ijy^jgg Reynolds. 
 Woman^s powers, and strong powers off" 
 maintaining Woman's opinions) .. ..J 
 
 DIMPL TSHIN, (a pretty little China y^i^^ Cvulfield. 
 figure) J 
 
 SING } ^*"«'"^««'* <"' '*« Princess . . { jjj|| Af Woulds. 
 
 SPIRITUALS. 
 
 MAIMOUNE, (The Peri— the Spirit of^ 
 the Piece, who never comes in without a ^Mrs. Keeley. 
 Petit Pas) J 
 
 FILALV, (her friend-averi; particular yj^^^^ L. S. Buckingham. 
 one) J 
 
 DANASCH,(rt Diinn—a plebeian Spirit -j. y^^ Keeley. 
 of disreputable habits a7id connexions) .. i 
 
 EL BOGI, (a spry Sprite) Mr. Mitchenson. 
 
 TAFFETA, (a neat Spirit attending on], j^jgg g. Messknt. 
 the Peri) J 
 
 SKILOPHT, (the Spirited and Spirit--\ 
 nous Proprietor of the Half-wai/ House, Ijiigg -WoULDS. 
 situated Ijelween somewhere and some- ( 
 tchere-else) J 
 
 a2 
 
 2013906
 
 COSTUME. 
 
 MORTALS. 
 
 BUNG — Spelded shirt and over-robe. 
 
 CAM ARALZAMAN— Green velvet jacket and fly, white satin trowsers, 
 and green cap. 
 
 JIN SLING— Black Japan dress and helmet. 
 
 BADOURA— Blue satin upper dress, -white satin petticoat, richly 
 trimmed with silver, blue satin trowsers, Chinese head dress. 
 
 DIMPL TSHIN— Chinese dress. 
 
 TING— Cliinese dress. 
 
 SING— Chinese dress. 
 
 SPIRITUALS. 
 
 MAIMOUNE— White gauze sylphide dress. 
 
 FILMA— Silver tissue jacket and bat, white net double skirt. 
 
 DANASCH— Green waistcoat, Erreen scale pantaloons and arms, ver\' 
 shabby, white hat, with black crape, green wina^s- 2?irf: Livery 
 iacket, green waistcoat and Turkish trowsers, cap— 3rd .- Same as 
 "first, with new hat, clean collar, and white gloves. 
 
 EL BOGI— Green tights, spangled scarlet waistcoat, ditto boots. 
 
 TAFFETA— Same as Chorus. 
 
 SKTLOPHT— Holland blouse,blue and silver skirt, red velvet cap. 
 
 CHORUS AND BALLET— Amber bodies and blue skirts, blue hats, 
 and wings ; — change to silver tissue bodies and white skirts, white 
 hats, and wings. 
 
 NINE DEMONS— Various modem suits, with scale arms, legs, and 
 
 tails. 
 TEN CHINESE GUARDS— Scarlet shirts, green under-dress caps. 
 MANDARINS, MERCHANTS, &c.— Chinese dresses. 
 
 Time of ^epresentaiion. One Sour and Thirty Minutes. 
 
 EXPLANATION OF THE STAGE DIRECTIONS. 
 
 L. means first entrance, left; R. first entrance, right; S. E. L. 
 second entrance, left ; S. E. R. second entrance, right ; U. E. L. upper 
 entrance, left ; U. E. R. upper entrance, right ; C. centre ; L. C. left 
 centre ; R. C. right centre ; T. E. L. third entrance, left ; T. E. R. third 
 entrance, right.— Observing, you are supposed to face the audience.
 
 -^E QEOPME E. LAf 
 
 CAMARALZA^ilAN AND BADOURA; 
 
 OK, 
 
 THE PERI WHO LOVED THE PEINCE. 
 
 ACT I. 
 
 Scene l.^The Sky — the stage covered with clouds — and the 
 starry firmament in the background. — Rising Jrom the 
 clouds in the foreground are seen a milestone, on which is 
 loritten " To Jupiter— 60,000 leagues," and a finger-post, 
 pointing in one direction "to Orion," in the other "to the 
 Milky IVay ;" a little further hack a. light kind of building, 
 from which projects a sign-board, with the words, " The 
 Halfway House; good accommodation for Spiite and Geni." 
 Peris, Spirits, S,~c., grouped among the clouds. 
 
 CHORUS OF SPIRITS. 
 TuNK — " Carnival de Venise " 
 
 Through starlit skies, wlien day has set, 
 
 We spirits, gay and free 
 (To use coarse language), loose are let, 
 
 To roam upon tlie spree, 
 Wlien nightingales their notes begin 
 
 To warble on the spray, 
 And larks the sons ot men are seen 
 
 Along the streets to play. 
 And 
 We won't go home till morning, 
 We won't go home till morning; 
 We won't fi.0 home till morning. 
 
 Till daylight doth appear. 
 
 {^Chorus repeated, becoming gradually fainter, while the 
 Spirits disappear.
 
 6 CAMAEAIZAMAN AND BADOUBA. 
 
 Enter Maimoune and Filma in a car, drawn by doves, s. e. l. 
 
 Mai. Holloa there, house ! now, stupid, look alive ; 
 
 My doves are rather heated by their drive, 
 
 And want attending to — now, then, I say ! 
 Ski- {within.) Coming. 
 Mai. Oh ! eoming— so's the break of day. 
 
 [Gets out of ear. 
 
 Enter Skilopht, hurriedly, r. 
 
 Oh ! here you are ! Is this, sir, your civility. 
 
 Detaining Peris of respectability 
 
 Out here, at your abominable door, 
 
 Bawling and shouting till their throats are sore ? 
 
 There's not a house, 'twixt this and Georgium Sidus, 
 
 But with more prompt attendance would provide us. 
 Ski. Madam, I'm really very sorry. 
 Mai. Stuff! 
 
 I warrant you'd be sorry though, enough, 
 
 Should you find out you'd lost the patronage 
 
 Of every member of the Peri-age. 
 
 Take care ; your house, despite its situation. 
 
 Has not a very first-rate reputation ; 
 
 Afrites, hobgoblins, here a refuge find. 
 
 And Djinns of the most questionable kind. 
 
 Look to your licence ! [Skilopht is about to speak. 
 
 Mai. Come, no words 1 need; 
 
 Put up my drag, and give the doves a feed. 
 
 [Skilopht bows, and is leading the car in. 
 
 Mind that off-leader's wing, it's got a scar 
 
 From a slight singe against a shooting star ; 
 
 Then a sky parlour for us see prepared. 
 Ski. I'll have our best star-chamber nicely aired. 
 
 [Exit, leading n car, b. 
 Fit. The drive has done you good ? 
 Mai. A little, dear ; 
 
 It would be odd if one felt low, up here; 
 
 But ah ! I find that drive, howe'er I may, 
 I can't completely drive dull care away. 
 Fil. What is it you in sorrow doth so steep ? 
 
 Tell me, your friend. 
 Mai. Can you a secret keep ? 
 
 Fil. Of course I can— you ought to be aware of it. 
 Mai. Then here's one— I'm in love — now mind, take care of it. 
 Fil. In love ? 
 
 Mai. Why, yes, my bosom's had a smarter 
 
 From Venus's sharp sen, or rather darter.
 
 CAMASALZAMAX AXD BADOrSA. 7 
 
 Fil. Who is the happy spirit ? 
 
 Mai. Why, my dear, 
 
 My choice is slightly infra dig., I fear. 
 Fil. How? sure you haven't let a vulgar Djinn 
 
 Or low-bred Afrite your affections win ? 
 Mai. It isn't that (aside) ; I wish I had a fan 
 
 To hide my blushes ; it's, in fact, a man ! 
 Fil. (horror-stmck.) A man! good gracious ! do I hear aright? 
 Mai. You do. 
 Fil. {curtseying very coldly.) Then, Madam, I must say, good 
 
 night ! 
 Mai, Where would you go ? 
 Fil. I'd rather not be seen 
 
 With any one who could herself bemean 
 
 So shockingly. 
 Mai. Oh ! this ray bosom wrings ; 
 
 Stay, take ray carriage. 
 FU. Thank you, I have wings. 
 
 {Curtsies distantly, and sinks, so as to give an appear- 
 ance that she is flying downwards. 
 
 'Mai. My friend has cut her stick, and my connexion. 
 And so I shall be cut in each direction ; 
 I shall be shunn'd by all the fairy race ; 
 But what's their countenance to his sweet face ? 
 For his sake I could almost change my station. 
 Procure an act of naturalization, 
 And be a mortal — I can't live without him : 
 Stay, by-the-bye, I'll sing a song about him. 
 
 SONG. 
 Tone — "Jenny Jones." 
 
 His name's Camaralzaman — charms most delectable 
 
 Lurk in his glances, his dimples, and smiles. 
 His father and mother are highly respectable. 
 
 Good truth, he's crown prince of the Khaledan Isles. 
 And indeed of all mortals, so lovely and beautiful. 
 
 That same young gentleman ranks far above. 
 For indeed in my heart I do love that Camaralzaman, 
 
 That sweetest of princes, good truth, I do love. 
 
 He's just had a row with his cross-grain'd old father. 
 
 Who wants him to wed some illustrious lass. 
 But he has to wedlock a rooted objection. 
 
 And into its bondage refuses to pass. 
 So he's locked in bis room till his mind he shall alter. 
 
 Which me to deep sorrow and pity does move. 
 For indeed in my heart I do love that Camaralzaman, 
 
 That sweetest of princes, in truth, I do love.
 
 8 CAMAEAlZAMAlf AND BADOTJEA. 
 
 But, judging by the pricking of my thumbs. 
 
 Something extremely wicked this way comes. [Looking off. 
 
 "What form is that ? Hah ! by this distant sight of it, 
 
 It seems a Djinn, come out to make a night of it. 
 Dan. {h. outside.) Lur-h-e-ty ! 
 Mai. It is a Djinn— dear, dear ! 
 
 When icill the sky of nuisances be clear ? 
 
 It's most annoying, and by no means right. 
 
 That decent spirits can't fly out at night, 
 
 But they with such-like tolks must come in contact; 
 
 Now, hang me ! as a justice if I won't act ; 
 
 I'll take the rascal up, upon suspicion, 
 
 And only let hira go on one condition. 
 
 That of himself a good account he'll render. [Looking off. 
 
 You precious scamp i I'll bring you to a tender. 
 
 \_Withdrawi. 
 
 Enter Danascu, flying. 
 
 SONG. 
 Tune — " Mrs. Johnson." 
 
 Oh, I have had a charming ride, 
 
 The night could not more sweetly glide 
 
 With gents, the Coal Hole's walls inside, 
 
 Or at the Doctor Johnson. 
 A moonlight flit I do enjy, 
 
 [Stoppinsr, as if struck by a sudden idea. 
 That's wrong pronounc'd though, by-the-bye. 
 For Walker spells it j-o-y. 
 
 And so does Doctor Johnson. 
 
 No four-in-hand, or dog-cart rare. 
 
 Can with my " patent fly " compare. 
 
 Though saying so, I'm well aware. 
 
 Would anger Doctor Johnson, 
 
 For that great man was wont to cry, 
 
 Who'd make a pun would lake a cly ! 
 
 I don't think so myself— not I — 
 
 But so says Doctor Johnson. 
 Let's see what sort of spoit now have 1 had ; 
 Um I taken altogether, not so bad ; 
 In the first place, a fog to earth 1 sent. 
 Which caused a charming Railway Accident — 
 And which, unless the air soon gets a cleanser. 
 Is safe to propagate the Influenza ; 
 Then, knowing well what most men's feelings hurts, 
 I tore the buttons from no end of shirts ; 
 I'm rather proud of that last-named expedient — 
 
 [Maimoune comes forward, r.
 
 CiilAEAIiZAlTAK AND EADOITEA. 9 
 
 And then — Hilloa ! madam, your most obedient. 
 Mai. StaHd and deliver ! 
 Dan. What? 
 
 Mai. Your narre. 
 
 Dan. Well, really, 
 
 Sky-high-way robbery this is, most clearly. 
 
 Who steals my purse steals trash — but 'tis a shame 
 
 If any filches from me my good name. 
 Mai. No sauce, sir ; keep your proper spirit level. 
 Dan. {aside.) She's my superior, I'd best be civil ; 
 
 My name you wanted, was it, ma'am ? oh yes, 
 
 I'll give it with a taste of my address. 
 
 SONG. 
 
 Tune — " My Name, it is Sam Hall." 
 
 My name Danasch they call, 
 Lady sweet — 
 My name Danasch they call. 
 Lady sweet — 
 My name Danasch they call, 
 I'm a Djinn of power, but small. 
 And I rambles at nighttall 
 
 Through the skies. 
 Mai. {shaking her head.) 
 
 That name for your good conduct pleads but vainly ; 
 But, now I see your ugly face more plainly, 
 I recognise it. What, sir, were you doing ? 
 What kind of small-beer mischief were you brewing 
 One night — about the middle of last week. — 
 When, like an atmospheric airy-sneak, 
 I saw you from a Chinese palace crawl? 
 Dan. Admiring Nature's beauties, that was all. 
 
 [Maimoune laughs. 
 
 Well, and what of it ? I suppose I may ? 
 Mai. Oh I by all means — what sort of beauty, pray ? 
 Dan. A female one ; such shoulders, such a face 1 
 
 I'm half in love — it's very near a case. 
 Mai. And pray who thus inflames your tender bosom ? 
 Z^an. "Lend me your ears ;" or — stay, you'll want to use 'em, 
 
 DUET. 
 
 Tune — " Barclay and Perkins's Drayman." 
 
 Dan. In Pekin town does now reside 
 
 A princess, who doesn't much lack men, 
 Her lily-white hand she's long denied 
 Te lots of first-rate or " crack " men. 
 a2
 
 10 CAMABALZAMAN AND BADOTTRA. 
 
 At wedlock's bonds she vows she'll strike. 
 
 Declaring she'll never obey man — 
 Which vexes her Pa. 
 Mai, How remarkably like 
 
 The case of my Caraaral-sa-man 1 
 Dan. They've locked her up — but it's all in vain. 
 She still is determined to sack man, 
 Though suitors approach her again and again, 
 
 She turns up her nose at each Jack man ; 
 But the brightest beauty earth has got. 
 By her would appear a tame 'un — 
 Mai. Now, there you're wrong, for I'm sure she cannot 
 Compare with my Camaral-^a-man. 
 
 Dan. Pray, who's your friend ? 
 
 3/at. One whose bright beauty's ray 
 
 Would quite echpse your bit of China clay. 
 Dan. Gammon V 
 
 ]i,fai. Low wretch ! expressions such as that ! 
 
 Dan.l say it's gammon — cut exceeding fat — 
 
 For many insults I've a strong digestion. 
 
 But I can't have my taste call'd into question. 
 JUai. The public journalists are right in stating 
 
 The lower orders' tastes want elevating. 
 
 That youth the greatest beauty ever known is. 
 Dan. I'll bet you six to one, in flying ponies — 
 
 Mai. (aside.) 
 
 Now, really, I have half a mind to take him ; 
 1 will — if but a better judee to make him — 
 Done ! here's my hand, though it's a degradation : 
 
 {_They shake hands. 
 Of rival lines, here's an amalgamation. 
 Dan. But you must find the proof I 
 Hjfjl^ I will — a valid 'un — 
 
 ' Fly with your princess to the isles of Khaledan 
 I'll meet you there, from now, in half-an-hour, 
 In the top chambers of the eastern tower 
 Of the Imperial Palace. 
 
 ])an. I'^l ^^ there : 
 
 Three thousand miles, though, to convey a fare. 
 
 In half an-hour, one must have to fly 
 
 Like electricity. 
 
 Pooh I that's gone by ; 
 
 At least, 1 think so, if I've heard aright of it; 
 Mai. At any rate, it seems they're making Hsht of it !
 
 CAMAEALZAMiJT ANTJ BADOUaA. 11 
 
 DUET. 
 
 Tune—" Fly not yet." 
 
 Mai. Fly, you've yet but half-an hour 
 
 To reach your boasted beauty's bower. 
 And from her home, by magic might. 
 No matter where she spends the niijht — • 
 
 To make her shoot the moon. 
 Dan. 'Tis but to vindicate my taste. 
 
 That so much time and toil I'll waste; 
 Oh ! soon you'll find, her beauty glowing, 
 Will put a stop to all your crowing — 
 Mai. Don't stay — don't stay. 
 Both. The friend, of whom you seem so vain, 
 I'm quite convinced is rather plain ; 
 
 You'll have to change your tune. 
 
 lExeunt different ways. 
 
 Scene II. — Camaralzaman's Sitting-room, an Eastern apart- 
 ment of sjeat splendour, with the various appurtenances of a 
 modem fast man's pursuits strewed about; foils, boxing-gloves, 
 portraits of ballet-dancrs, race horses, statuettes, Sfc. — The 
 moonlight seen through an opening at the back, a lamp burn- 
 ing. — Camaralzaman enters, r.; reclines lazily on a couch. 
 
 Cam. 'Tiu now the very witching time of night. 
 
 Which, were I free, would bring with it delight ; 
 
 Now could I drink hot grog, hear comic songs. 
 
 Or join the gay Casino's gladsome throngs. 
 
 Or drain, 'midst buzzing sounds of mirth and chaff. 
 
 The foaming stout, or genial half-and-half; 
 
 But here a prisoner condemned to stop, 
 
 I can indulge in neither malt nor " hop ." 
 
 Oh, cruel Pa' ! to place me in this state. 
 
 Because I would avoid your own sad fate. 
 
 Dear mother, though a model of a wife. 
 
 Gave me a slight distaste for married life. \_Shudders. 
 
 Better be thus than free, and have to stand 
 
 " An eye like Ma's, to threaten and command," 
 
 SONG. 
 Tune—" The Pope he leads," 8fc. 
 
 The Pope he leads a happy life 
 Because he hasn't got a wife. 
 And one to take he's not so fiat, 
 He knows a trick worth two of that. 
 No shrill abuse his ear affrights 
 For stopping out too late at nights ; 
 No curtain lectures damp his hopes; 
 A happy lot must be the Pope's.
 
 12 CAAIAEAIZAMAN AND BADOTTBA. 
 
 ThoDgh, poor old Pope ! if all we hear be true. 
 There's little need, just now, to envy you. 
 What shall I do to pass the time away ? 
 I'd go to bed, but I've been there all day. 
 Oh ! here's last Tuesday's Khaledan Gazette, 
 I've only read it fifteen times, as yet. 
 
 [Takes up paper, and lolls on the couch, commences 
 reading. 
 Holloa ! I feel a sudden wish for dozing. 
 My eyelids agitate for early closing ! [DrotDsily. 
 
 I s'pose this parliamentary debate 
 Acts as an instantaneous opiate. 
 It's very odd — a strange — queer — drowsy — feeling, 
 A sort of still— so— gently — o'er— me— stealing. 
 
 [JSlusic — " Oh ! ilumber, my darling," very slowly. 
 He sleeps. 
 
 Enter Maimoune, through wall, r. 
 Mai, What a convenience is this free admission 
 We fairies have, to ev'ry exhibition! 
 Where'er we please, uncharg'd, we find our way to ; 
 Even cathedrals, they can't make us pay to. 
 {Lookins at Camaralzaman.) I've sent him off. What 
 
 smiles his slumbers sweeten ! 
 And there's a brow — it couldn't be brow-beaten. 
 With such a love as that, who could be harsh? 
 I wonder how he'd look with a moustache — 
 He's got none yet; though, thanks to sorrow's growth, 
 He feels a little down about the mouth. 
 Talking of mouths, I've of a custom heard 
 Called, let me see — ah ! kissing — that's the word — 
 
 [Appjoaching Camaralzaman. 
 I'm told it's wrong ! but where can be the crime? 
 
 [SAe is just about to kiss him, when Danasch 
 appears, L. suddenly through the wall opposite, 
 and coughs. 
 
 Arn't you a little bit before your time? 
 
 \Slightly di,-<concerted. 
 
 And Where's the Princess ? why have you not brought her ? 
 Dan. (with dignity.) Would you degrade me, ma'am, from 
 Djitm to Porter ? 
 She's coming; I've consigned her to the cares 
 Of a concern in which I hold some shares — 
 An underground conveyance company — 
 I've told them the address, she's here, you see ! 
 
 [El Bogi rises, c, ifiZABADOURA in hia arms asleep, 
 and veiled.
 
 CAllAEiXZAMAX AND BADOTJEA. 13 
 
 Thanks, my brave Asia miner ; — place her there. 
 
 [El Bogi carries Badoura to the couch, where Cam a- 
 RAi.ZAMAN is silting. 
 Steady, she's " China — right side up, with care ;" 
 Next time we meet we'll settle for the fare. 
 
 [El Bogi bows and disappears through trap, r. 
 
 Mai.So, that's your Chinese Exhibition, is it ? 
 
 Dan. Yes — so " step forward," ma'am, it's worth a visit ; 
 
 Just going to begin. [Removes Badoura's veil. 
 
 Mai. Um ! not amiss ; 
 
 But look upon this picture, and on this. 
 Dan. {with the air of a connoisseur.) Well ! not so bad ; the 
 outline pretty bold. 
 
 The flesh tints good, the shadows rather cold. 
 
 Too much foreshort'ning, p'r'aps, about the nose, 
 
 And that left elbow seems to want repose — 
 
 There's merit in it, that I freely own, 
 
 [Camaralzaman snores suddenly. 
 
 But, altogether, I don't like the tone. 
 In fact, both pictures' beauties fairly weighed, 
 1 must say mme throws yours into the shade. 
 Mai. If so, its case is very much the same 
 As certain Vernon pictures I could name ; 
 But I deny it. Now, with fairness view it — 
 Your picture beat that ? — 'tis n't framed to do it. 
 Dan. Why, then, the wager's drawn, of course. Yet, stay ; 
 To settle it, I've thought upon a way : 
 To wake 'em up in turns now, 1 propose, 
 And let that one which for the other shows 
 Most admiration, lose. D'ye like the notion ? 
 Mai. I don't object to seconding the motion. 
 Dan. Well, then, here goes to put the plan in force ; 
 
 Mind, we're invisible, you know. 
 Mai. Of course. 
 
 [Danasch sings io Badoura. 
 Tune—" The Swiss Boy." 
 Come, arouse thee, arouse thee ! 
 
 A very nice boy 
 To receive your opinion doth stay; 
 But rapturous terms in his praise please don't use, 
 Or, a bet I'm engaged in, you'll cause me to lose. 
 Then arouse thee, arouse thee ! 
 But jilease don't employ 
 Too much praise, or the stakes I must pay. 
 
 [Badoura wakes, and looks round^er, amazed.
 
 14 CAMAEALZAMAN AND BADOTIEA. 
 
 i?ad. What place is this? my eyes! {rubbing them) am I 
 awake ? 
 I must be; no— I'm not— it must be a mistake. 
 
 [Seeing C4.maralzaman, screams slightly. 
 Heavens! what's that? it can't be— yes, it can— 
 I really do believe it is a man, — 
 
 [Riies, advances, goes angrily up to him, then runs back. 
 One of that sex I've sworn to crush and wreck, too ; 
 
 [Looks at his face, and starts. 
 
 Really, I never! and I don't expect to — 
 A dreadful weakness seizes me ; I'm poorly — 
 Yes — and it's something very serious, surely. 
 All my strong notions upon Woman's Mission 
 Seem leaving me. I'm in a sad condition ; 
 My strength, my will, my resolution, fails me. 
 
 [Running up to Camaralzaman, and shaking him. 
 
 Here, sir, get up, and let me know what ails me. 
 
 [Shakes him. 
 
 Why, he won't wake ; unraov'd he keeps his station. 
 Now, in this very trying situation. 
 With every sort of doubt my bosom wringing. 
 What can be so appropriate as singing? 
 
 SONG. 
 
 TuNK — " The Jolly Young Waterman." 
 
 I really ne'er saw so delightful a sort of man, 
 
 All my political notions so high. 
 His charms have upset with uncommon celerity. 
 
 Winning my heart and delighting my eye. 
 If he'd wake and propose, without feeling much sorrow, 
 I'd wed him to-night, before to-morrow ; 
 But for loving or liking he don't seem to care. 
 Or he wouldn't lie snoozing and slumbering there. 
 Dan. She's said enough— perchance, a little more ; 
 Oblige me, ma'am, by sleeping as before. 
 
 [Makes mesmeric passes before B a doura's /ace. She 
 drops asleep beside Camaralzaman. 
 Mai. Now, own your China ornament outdone, 
 *By spicy Araby's most spicy son ; 
 When that son rises, no admiring tones 
 Like hers you'll hear. 
 
 [Taps Camaralzaman, playfully, with her wand. 
 Get up, a lazy-bones !
 
 CAMASALZAMiN AND BADOTTEA. 15 
 
 SONG, 
 
 Tune — " Isabelle." 
 
 Wake, dearest, wake ! by me invited, 
 
 You'll see what you will see ; 
 But, by the spectacle highly delighted, 
 
 I really don't think you will be. 
 Here's a belle, here's a belle, here's a belle. 
 
 That we want you to get up and gaze on ; 
 Please to tell, please to tell, please to tell. 
 
 If you think her worth heaping much praise on. 
 
 Tumble up. 
 
 Cam. {starting up.') Give me another chop ! cut off the fat 
 Look sharp, there, waiter. Soft ! what am I at ? 
 Another dream of bliss like that I'll seek. 
 
 [Yawns; and, in doing so, he touches Badoura's 
 cheek with his hand ; he looks up, astonished. 
 
 What do I touch ? now, if that is n't cheek ? 
 
 Am I awake ? a woman in this place ! [Rubs his eyes. 
 
 Yet, stay, just now I slapped her in the face. 
 
 And, though with rage against the sex I swell, 
 
 I ought to kiss the place to make it well. [Kisses her. 
 
 I think the blow I gave was rather rough. 
 
 And one kiss, p'r'aps, will scarcely be enough : 
 
 I'll try some more. [Kisses her again. 
 
 Now, wake ; I wish you would 
 Get up, and tell me if it's done you good. [Shakes her. 
 That shaking on her no impression makes, 
 
 [Shakes her again. 
 
 And I can't wake her in a brace of shakes. 
 
 Miss What's-your-name, come, please wake up, do try ; 
 
 She can't wake ; she's bewitched, and— 
 
 [Stopping a little, and looking at her. 
 
 So am I. 
 My anti-marriage vows away I flina:. 
 And stand, henceforth, a champion of the ring. 
 I would propose, did not her silence stop one. 
 And let this sudden visit prove a " pop " one. 
 
 SONG. 
 
 Tune — " Young Agnes," (Fra Diavolo.) 
 
 Young lady, beauteous flower. 
 
 Sweet as blooming May, 
 Shake off sleep's drowsy power. 
 
 And hear me say my say :
 
 16 CAMAEALZAMAN AKD BADOtTEA. 
 
 I'm rich, and I'm well to do, 
 I'm handsome, young, and tall, 
 
 I viant to propose to you. 
 If you'll but wake, tliat's all. 
 So, wake, my fairest flower. 
 Dost thou not hear Love's call ? 
 
 [Sitling by Badoura, and taking her hand. 
 Do, please, awake ! what power thus silent keeps her ? 
 Mai. {aside.) I'm getting very angry. Go to sleep, sir. 
 
 \_Hits Camaralzaman a sharp blow on the head, wlih 
 her wand. He dtops off asleep, immediately. 
 Dan. (aside.) The Peri colours up like a geranium. 
 
 Queer thoughts are broodina: in her Peri-cranium. 
 Mai. Now, but that I'm a spirit, I should say, 
 
 That I was going to cry or faint away ; 
 
 And were such things worn by the Peri race, 
 
 Pd beg of somebody to cut my lace. 
 
 But this is weak ! how could J ever waste 
 
 A thought on one so destitute of taste ? 
 
 SONG. 
 
 Tune — " Carry me back to Ole Varginny," 
 
 Oh ! if a grain of taste he had. 
 
 He'd never choose her for a wife; 
 I never felt anything like so mad 
 
 In all my Peri lite; 
 She's coarse, she's old, she squints, she's skinny, 
 
 But let me see her no more! 
 {To Danasch.) 
 
 Oh ! carry her back, you stupid ninny, 
 
 Away to China's siiore. 
 
 Chorus. 
 
 Mai. Oh I carry her back, you stupid ninny, -j '^ 
 And let nie see her no more. / ''3 
 
 } 
 
 Dan. I'll cal-ry her back; but stupid ninny 
 I won't be called any more. 
 
 {^At the conclusion of the Chorus, Maimoune strikes 
 her hand fiercely against the wall, and disappears 
 through it " in a huff." 
 
 A stuck-up minx ! as arrogant as crustj'. 
 Treating me here like dirt — I'm none so dusty — > 
 Like a mere servant, ordering me about ; 
 Egad ! I'll serve her — that is, serve her cut.
 
 CAMAKAT.ZAMAJT AND BADOUEA. 17 
 
 But, softl methinks I scent the morning air, [_Cock crows. 
 
 Yes, and the " early bird," I do declare. 
 
 Already on the ground begins to scrub. 
 
 For picking up the worm which forms his grub ; 
 
 I must be oif now, by your leave, my dear — 
 
 [Takes Badodra on his arm. 
 
 To quote an ancient saw, " you don't lodge here." 
 
 ISinks with her. 
 
 Scene III. — China. — Gardens of the Imperial Palace. Chinese 
 mtisic. — Enter a Procession of Guards, Mandarins, Sfc. They 
 form a group on one side; then enter the Emperor. 
 
 Man. Long live the Emperor ! 
 
 Emp. Silence, villains ! stow it ! 
 
 We'll not live long, unless we like — you know it. 
 
 'Tis not for your plebeian throats to give 
 
 Orders to m* how long you'd have us live. 
 
 [They all prostrate themselves before him. 
 
 Sons of burnt fathers ! what means that position ? 
 
 How dare you tumble down without permission? 
 
 [They rise abruptly, and stand bolt upright, in a line. 
 
 Novf, by my pigtail ! by my father's nails ! 
 
 By the imperial dragon's sacred scales ! 
 
 My mind's so tossed about, so hurried, flurried. 
 
 Bothered, perplexed, annoyed, insulted, worried. 
 
 That soon I feel, with passion and disgust, 
 
 ^iVilhin my bosom there will be a bust — 
 
 One universal smash my senses scatter — 
 
 [Mildly to audience. 
 
 Yet, stay, I'd best first tell you what's the matter. 
 
 SONG. 
 Tune — " Lord Lovel." 
 
 Lord love ye, now list, while my tale I relate. 
 
 And to my sad story give heed, 
 'Tis by my own daughter I'm brought to this state. 
 
 And I'm very unhappy indeed I 
 
 Chorus. 
 
 Deed — deed. 
 He's very unhappy in-deed I 
 'Tother day, " 'tis my wish you should marry," I said; 
 
 "Indeed though I won't," says she — 
 And of all the young princes I've wished her to wed. 
 Not one will my lady fan-cy.
 
 18 camaeaizaman and badouea. 
 
 Chorus. 
 
 Cy— cy. 
 Not one will his lady fan-cy. 
 
 For she's vowed, and she's vowed, and she's vow^ed, and she's 
 vowed, 
 
 And she's vowed, and she's vowed ev'ry day. 
 That she never will marry — her spirit so proud. 
 
 No husband will ever obey. 
 
 Chorus. 
 
 Bey — bey. 
 No husband will evero-bey. 
 
 But no longer I'll beg; I've been gentle enough, 
 
 I'll insist on her marriage to-morrow; 
 I'll be savage, despotic, ferocious, and gruff. 
 
 Though to be so 'twill plunge me in sorrow. 
 
 Chorus. 
 
 Orrow — orrow. 
 To be so will plunge him in sor-row. 
 
 [^Trumpet. 
 
 Enter an Usher, introducing Jin Sling. 
 
 Ush. His Highness Prince Jin Sling, Prince of Japan, 
 
 Heir to the Isles of 
 
 Jap. (entering, and pushing him backwards.) 
 
 That'll do, my man. 
 Emp. How fares our guest this morning ? 
 Jap. Oh ! tol-ol-ish. 
 
 Emp. (aside.) Japan is not remarkable for polish. 
 Jap. But, now to business : come, what says your daughter 
 
 To the fine eloquence with which I've sought her? 
 
 Is she resolved still to oppose her fate, sir. 
 
 And miss the splendid match that here awaits her? 
 Emp. Great prince ! altho' I grieve to find it so. 
 
 Emphatically speaking, it's no go ! 
 
 1 pressed your suit — she swore she'd ne'er espouse — 
 
 She'd not be saddled with the bridal vov;s; 
 
 The sex's dignity forbad sucii thraldom 
 
 To men — inferior beings, as she called 'em- 
 Zap. Infatuated female ! did you tell her 
 
 That I'm considered a good-looking fellow; 
 
 That 1 have talent, courage, name, and rank. 
 
 Fame in the field, and money in the Bank? 
 Emp. It's no use telling her such things as these, 
 
 Such pleas don't suit her, and such suits don't please ;
 
 CAMAEAIZAMAN AND BADOTJRA. 19 
 
 The way she treated me, sure, in a daughter was 
 Conduct which, to a father, didn't ought to was ; 
 She's thrown off all the show of love she shammed first. 
 
 And, rather than obey, she'll see me 
 
 [Crash. Loud noise of slamming doors, 8(c. 
 
 [Badoura rushes in through door, l. her hair hanging 
 loose down her back. Women, Sfc, following. 
 
 DUET. — (" Lucia di Lammermoor,") 
 Recitative. 
 Bad. Oh, my father ! my best friend, oh 1 
 Some pity show, pray. 
 Unto poor me, oh ! 
 Or in two my heart you'll rend, oh ! 
 So my husband 
 Now let me see, oh ! [Kneels to Emperor. 
 
 Emp. How, your husband ? you surely have been dreaming. 
 
 1 suppose, oh ? 
 Bad. Nay ; I've seen him. 
 Emp. Gammon ! 
 Bad. 'Tis you know so ; 
 
 I saw him but last night. 
 Emp. Come, come, let's have no nonsense. [Crosses to v. 
 
 Bad. I say last night, sir. 
 Emp. Come, come, no nonsense. 
 Bad. What ? 
 Emp. No nonsense 1 
 
 Aria. 
 
 Emp. If you teaze me, you'll repent, oh ! 
 
 You must be mad for to talk so to me, oh ! 
 
 Cease, or I my wrath give vent to. 
 
 Which will teach ye civil to be; 
 
 Mad you are. A commission shall attend, oh ! 
 
 De Lunatico Inquirendo. 
 Bad. You may rave and rant to me, oh ! 
 
 Say I am mad, and exhaust all your threats, oh ! 
 
 Still I fear no ill to see, oh ! 
 
 But for that sweet youth my heart still frets. 
 
 Give him to me, or mind what you are arter. 
 
 For you in me will find you've caught a Tartar ! 
 Bad.Yes, you'll find you've caught a Tartar, '\ ^ 
 Caught a Tartar, sir, in me 1 ' " 
 
 Emp. Oh, my darter ! oh, my darter! 
 You're as mad as mad can bel 
 Emp. She's mad 1 
 Bad, I'm not!
 
 20 CAMAEAIZAMAN AND BADOUEA. 
 
 Emp. What can you know about it ? 
 
 We've said you're mad, and so iiow dare you doubt it? 
 Bad. Nay, best of parents — once more giad my sight 
 
 With that fair form that I beheld last night. 
 Jap. Sweet maid, dismiss that mockery unreal, 
 
 Cut not your true beau for that beau ideal. 
 Emp.'Tis clear as mud I she's mad ; 'tis as I said, [^Firmly 
 
 Girl, there stands he whom I command you wed ; 
 
 My words are law, mind ! 
 Bad. Then your law's a spooney 'un — 
 
 A poor law, that would drive me to that Union^ 
 Emp. Rash girl ! no more ; was ever heard such daring ? 
 
 This madness must be cured ; 'tis past all bearing. 
 
 Away, slaves ! scour the country till ye find 
 
 A doctor, who'll restore her to her mind; 
 
 She shall be cured ! \ Exeunt Mandarins, r., hastily. 
 
 {To Badoura.) How dare you lose your senses? 
 
 Get well at once, or take the consequences. 
 
 [Exeunt tragically, followed by Usher and Guards. 
 Jap. {Kneeling to Badoura, and holding her dress.) 
 
 Oh ! sweetest princess, whose bright charms unfold 
 
 Such wondrous beauties, at thy feet behold 
 
 A prince of ancient line and noble blood. 
 
 In bis best trowsers, kneeling in the mud. 
 Bad. I may be handsome, but I'll now be plain, 
 
 So, I'll not have you, sir — you kneel in vain. 
 Jap. Can one so fair speak thus to her adorer? 
 
 Your form a Venus, but your words a Floorer ; 
 
 Think better of it — no harsh lord I'd be, 
 
 A model husband you should find in me ; 
 
 I'd ask no latch-key, ne'er from home would stray, 
 
 Would eat cold mutton on a washing-day. 
 Bad. No more, sir — leave me : 'tis in vain to sue 
 
 Where no effects can possibly accrue. 
 Jap. Nay, but my suit — your father does abet it. 
 Bad. " Metbinks, 1 see my father " going to get it. 
 
 DUET. 
 Tune — " My pretty Page." 
 Bad. A pretty rage, no doubt, papa 
 
 Is in ; but threats quite useless are. 
 Jap. Oh, fairest lady, hear me still, 
 
 I'll love you true, indeed I will. 
 Bad. Once more, I say, get out again, 
 
 You do not suit me now, that's plain. 
 Jap. My loving wife I'm sure you'll be ; 
 
 I know you can't say no to me.
 
 CAMAEAlZAilAN AND BADOTJEA. 21 
 
 Bad. 
 
 Leave me, I pray — 
 
 Jap. 
 
 Don't send me away, 
 
 
 You'll repent, if you do; 
 
 
 For you love me as well 
 
 
 As I love you. 
 
 Bad. 
 
 The deuce I do 1 
 
 Jap. 
 
 Indeed you do 
 
 Bad. 
 
 "What, I ? 
 
 Jap. 
 
 Yes, you. 
 
 Bad. 
 
 I? 
 
 Jap. 
 
 You. 
 
 Bad. 
 
 Not I — get away. 
 
 Jap. 
 
 Not I— here I'lfstay. 
 
 [Exeunt, l. 
 
 Scene IV. — A s;loomy, demoniac-lookins, Cave. DANASCHrfis- 
 covered at a table formed of rocks, with pen, ink, and paper 
 before him. Several Geni seated rou7id and grouped in various 
 attitudes. 
 
 All. Hear ! hear 1 hear ! 
 
 Dan. Now, gentlemen, before we cut it short. 
 Attention, if you please, to my report. 
 
 .4/;. Hear! hear! 
 
 Dan, {reads.) 
 
 Resolved, — That Peris are a stuck-up set, 
 And a let down or two deserve to get. 
 
 ^ZZ. Hear! hear! hear! 
 
 Dan. Resolved, — That one of them — by name Maimoune — 
 Is, in this meeting's estimation, "spooney," 
 Towards a prince, who does her heart possess. 
 And also jealous of a young princess. 
 
 j4Z^ Hear! hear! hear! 
 
 Dan. Resolved, — That, as the said princess and prince 
 Met with each other once, but never since. 
 And, unless help'd by njagic power, it's plain 
 There's little chance they'll ever meet again — 
 This meeting shall provide the help requir'd. 
 By which said meeting gains its ends desired, — 
 Namely, to give said Peri great vexation. 
 And ot her monkey cause the elevation. 
 
 All. Hear! hear! 
 
 Dan. Resolved, — That Danasch be at once deputed 
 To see this meeMng's wishes executed. 
 
 AlLHeiir] hear! hear! 
 
 IGreat applause. Danasch sits down. 
 
 (A Djinn rises.)
 
 22 CAlIARAIiZiJtfAN AND BADOTTEA. 
 
 Dji. Before you think of moving, suffer me to— 
 I beg to move — what j'ou must all agree to — 
 A vote of thanks to our esteem'd friend there, 
 For his effici'^nt conduct in the chair. 
 All. Hear ! hear 1 
 
 [El Bogi springs up very suddenly through trap. 
 El B. I second it. 
 
 1st Dji. Then, please, before we lose you all. 
 
 Be kind enough to signify as usual. 
 
 [The Geni raise their hands, and cheer. 
 Dan. {rising.) Gents! There are customs which must be 
 obeyed — 
 Customs and duties Spirits can't evade. 
 The honour done me upon this occasion, 
 T feel convinced — that is, it's my persuasion — 
 The — ah ' — 1 mean — that is — I must confess — 
 That — unaccustomed as I am to — yes — [Applause. 
 
 Thank you — I feel — by your approval backed, 
 I beg to — Hem I — sit down, in point of fact. 
 All. Hear ! hear ! 
 
 \st Dji. The meeting's up, I s'pose. [They all rise. 
 
 Dan. Here, stop ! don't start ; 
 
 There's something to come in before we part. 
 One's promises, you know, one must perform ; 
 I said I'd stand a drop of something warm. 
 I like a real good drain, which, by the way, 
 Is more than certain City nobs can say. 
 
 [A large punch-bowl rises, with flames under it, like 
 the uitchfs' cauldron in "Macbeth." El Bogi 
 hands round drinking-cups. Danasch ladles out 
 the beverage. 
 
 SONG AND CHORUS, 
 
 Music — " Macbeth." 
 
 Dan. Let's have a drain. 
 
 Ist Dji. Agreed! 
 
 2d Dji. Agreed 1 
 
 Air — " Sir Roger de Coverley." 
 Dan. Care and sorrow dwindling. 
 
 Mirth and splendour kindling; 
 Let us be happy and jolly. 
 And drink success to swindling. 
 
 Choros. 
 Care and sorrow, &c.
 
 CAMAEAXZAMAN AND BADOUEA. 23 
 
 ACT II. 
 
 Scene I. — The Imperial City of China. — The palace gates — an 
 immense quantity of Heads on spikes on the walls. Citizens, 
 Mandolins, Sfc, grouped on the Stage. A man with two 
 posters on boards, hung round his neck, worded thus : " Lost ! 
 The Princess's Wits. Any medical gentleman restoring the 
 same will be handsomely rewarded." 
 
 CHORUS OF CITIZENS. 
 (" Les Huguenots.") 
 
 Did you ever ! 
 
 See such a sad exhibition? 
 Doctors, clever ! 
 
 Brought to so sad a condition? 
 No, I never ! 
 
 This is what comes of ambition, 
 Rash endeavour ! 
 
 To play for such high stakes. 
 
 lAfter Chorus they all disperse. 
 
 Enter Japan, r., and Dimpl Tshin, from Palace, l. 
 
 Jap. The very girl I want. Good morning, dear ! 
 A pleasant morning for the time of year. 
 What news ? 
 
 Dim. The Daily News, you may be sure. 
 
 Each day, to work the mad Princess's cure, 
 Lur'd by the Emperor's promise of her hand. 
 Fresh Doctors throng from ev'ry foreign land. 
 Who cures may wed her ; but of those who fail, 
 
 [Pointing to heads on wall. 
 
 Those dismal heads can tell the dismal tale ; 
 And ev'ry day up there fresh trophies puts 
 " Heads of the People," done on steel, with cuts.
 
 24 CAMAEALZAMAIT AND BADOUKA. 
 
 Jap. Still, spite of all, Badoura'a cure I'll try, 
 I've studied medicine upon the sly, 
 And, after months of labour, I've compounded 
 
 [Takes out a box. 
 
 This patent pill, of power quite unbounded. 
 
 Its qualities are soothing, safe, and mild, 
 
 And may be taken by the youngest child ; 
 
 Sold, wholesale, retail, and for exportation. 
 
 By ev'ry medicine vendor in the nation. 
 
 One shilling and three half-pence, duty free; 
 
 And none are genuine, unless signed by me. 
 Dim. But please be quick, sir, for they've rung for me 
 
 To carry IMissus up a cup of tea. 
 Jap. Egad ! that tea suits me to one I look here. 
 
 Just pop these in your lady's cup, my dear. 
 
 \_Gives her pills. 
 Dim. I will. 
 
 Jap. And secretly ? 
 
 Dim. Depend upon it. 
 
 Jap. A fi'-pun note, mind, and a new chip bonnet. 
 Dim. Yes, I must go ; though folks won't think it prudent, 
 Seeing me talking to a medical student. 
 
 \_Exeunt into Palace. 
 
 Maimoune rises through trap, with a letter in her hand. 
 
 Mai. Our Fairy Telegraphic Company, 
 
 Too highly spoken of can scarcely be. 
 
 But for the prompt receipt of this dispatch, 
 
 I might have met with very near my match. 
 
 That horrid Djinn, it seems, has form'd a plan 
 
 To drag my poor dear Camaralzaman 
 
 To matrimony — the ill-natured limb! 
 
 What has the dear hoy ever done to him? 
 
 So, here he comes ; but I'm distress'd to see 
 
 Him keeping s^uch disgraceful company. 
 
 Now then, a sight at how things go to take. 
 
 Doubly invisible myself I'll make; 
 
 The Djirui himself shall not have power to view me, 
 
 I'm too deep for him, though he may see through me. 
 
 Enter Camaralzaman, r., with Danasch ashis servant, 
 carrying a carpet-bag. 
 
 Dan, In pantomimic language, here we are I 
 There's the abode of your beloved's Papa.
 
 CAMABAIZAMAN AKD BADOTJEA. 25 
 
 Cam. Upon my word, a pretty exhibition 
 
 Of " Stuck-up People" — an improv'd edition. 
 
 [.Looking at the heads. 
 
 Dan. Yes, it's a sight for charitable souls 
 
 Who like to sympathize with Distress'd Polls. 
 
 Cam. But, I say, this is very kind of you, 
 So unexpected, from a stranger, too. 
 
 Dan. (rnodestly.) Don't mention it. 
 
 Cam. Oh ! I'll not be prevented. 
 
 You Geni have been much misrepresented. 
 Folks upon you all sorts of scandal fling, 
 You're look'd upon, in fact, as not the thing, 
 I'm sure the int'rest that you've shown in me — 
 Bringing me here by magic — carriage free — 
 In fact, the kindness you've evinc'd throughout, 
 Proves you a decent sort, beyond all doubt. 
 
 Dan. {aside.) Green youth ! he thinks I'm doing him a kindness ; 
 When to a wife I'm leading him ! what blindness ! 
 Why, of your woful case I chanc'd to learn. 
 And, being of a philanthropic turn, 
 T thought I'd just assist you, for a lark ; 
 But as to what I am, mind, keep it dark. 
 I'm your attendant now. 
 
 Cam. Of course, I know ; 
 
 Though, really, I'm ashamed to serve you so. 
 
 Mai. (aside.) That of politeness is a needless stretch ; 
 No place can be too low for such a wretch. 
 
 Cam, And shall I really see my soul's delight — 
 
 The thief who came and stole my heart by night. 
 
 And whom, in spite of all my hue and cry, 
 
 And offers of reward, immensely hi^h, 
 
 I've not been fortunate enough to capture ? 
 
 To think these arms should take her up, oh ! rapture. 
 
 Knock at the door, old boy, I long to win her. 
 
 [Danasch knocks at the gate. Porter appears. 
 
 Dan. Emperor in? 
 
 Par. He is ; but he's at dinner. 
 
 Dan, Then bolt ! and bid his highness do the same 
 
 Towards his meal; our presence here proclaim. 
 
 As for his mutton, bid him cut it short. [Exit Porter. 
 
 You're not afraid ? 
 Cam. 1 1 nothing of the sort. 
 
 Through scenes of danger long I've loved to stray : 
 
 I've walked through Smithfield on a market day ; 
 
 B
 
 26 CAMABAlZAMAIf AND BADOFRA. 
 
 IVe sailed in penny steamers many a one ; 
 I've stood behind a cockney sportsman's gun ; 
 I've been a special. Fear, indeed ! Pooh! pooh! 
 Besides, I've every confidence in you. 
 
 Enter Emperor, angrily, with a napkin under his chin, followed 
 by Mandarins, Guards, Usher, &;c. 
 
 Emp. Who dares to stir us up at feeding-time ? 
 Are these the miscreants guilty of the crime ? 
 
 Dan. Illustrious sire ! for dinner do not fret ! 
 
 Remember what the Scotch say, "Dinna forget." 
 Business is business. Cease that angry shrug, 
 And please to calm your antique China mug. 
 
 [Takes out a nen-spaper. 
 
 That's your advertisement, I think ? 
 Emp. 'Tis so. 
 
 Dan. We've come to answer it. 
 Emp. You have 1 Ho ! ho ! 
 
 And p'r'aps you really think to win the prize of it. 
 Dan. To use a strong expression, tliat's the size of it. 
 
 Whate'er your daughter's state, my master '11 save her. 
 Emp. What ! that particularly youthful shaver, 
 
 Whose first shave, there is every cause to dread. 
 
 Will prove to be the shaving of his head? 
 Cam. I fear no axe nor ax-idental death, 
 
 No headsman's blow shall knock me out of breath. 
 
 Fetch the Princess, and, quick as presto pass, 
 
 I'll work her cure ; or, write me down an ass. 
 £?np. Writing folks down is not at all our line. 
 
 Although at showing people up we shine. 
 
 [Pointing to the heads. 
 
 Conduct the Princess hither- 
 Cam. Now, you'll see. 
 
 The Prince-in-law of China soon I'll be. [Looking of. 
 
 Mai. [aside.) Not if I know it. 1 have form'd some plans. 
 
 Which will do nicely to forbid the banns. 
 Cam. She comes 1 that form ! that face I cannot see, 
 
 Because it's veiled ! but, ah ! I know 'tis she. 
 
 Enter Badoura, veiled, Dimpl, and two Attendants. 
 
 Bad. Throw physic to the dogs ! I've had enough 
 Of doctors' nonsense, and of doctors' stuff. 
 No surgeons, 'pothecaries, or M.D.s, 
 Are fit to minister to a mind's disease.
 
 CAMAEALZAMAN AND BADOTIEA. 2? 
 
 Show me no more, unless you've found a man 
 Who cures upon the homceopathic plan — 
 Whose course of treatment, 'stead of draught or pill. 
 Should be to show me him who made me ill. 
 
 Cam. That course is mine. 
 
 Bad. Who speaks ? 
 
 Cam. Don't look just yet ; 
 
 Let me recall a scene you can't forget. 
 
 DUET. 
 
 Tune — " Judy Callaghan." 
 
 Cam. 'Twas on a moonlight night, 
 
 At three o'clock in the morning, 
 A fair princess, as bright 
 
 As rays of daylight dawning. 
 To Camaralzaman's room 
 
 Was brought by means mysterious, 
 Set his heart in a fume. 
 
 And made him with love delirious. 
 Only say. 
 Have some peace he shall again. 
 
 Say, yes, pray, 
 To the tune of Judy Callaghan. 
 
 Bad. I thought I was dreaming then, 
 
 I'm dreaming now, I vow, again ; 
 But, no, as a pike-staff plain, 
 
 I see his sweet face now again. 
 I've been uncommonly ill ! 
 
 But now I shall soon recover. 
 Accept you, at once, I will. 
 To be ray devoted lover. 
 Cam. 1 must say. 
 
 Such luck not oft hefals a man. 
 Bad. Don't abuse it, pray. 
 
 Charming Camaralzaman. 
 
 [They embrace most affectionately. 
 
 Cam. My life I my soul ! my love ! at last I've met her ! 
 
 Emp.l think Badoura seems a great deal better. 
 
 Bad. (still emhracini; Camaralzaman.) My life! my love! 
 
 my soul I at last we meet. 
 Emp. We do pronounce the cure to be complete. 
 
 Rejoice, ye curs ! exert your lungs and breath ; 
 
 We bid you all be glad, on pain of death. 
 
 [Mandarins shout. 
 b2
 
 28 CAMAEAXZAMAN AND BADOIJEA, 
 
 Prepare festivities — look sharp, ye scamps ! 
 Light up at least six thousand extra lamps, 
 Get every sort of delicacy dressed, 
 The pickled puppy, and the stew'd bird's-nest. 
 Let all our land one scene of gladness be — 
 The feast of lanterns, and the flow of tea. 
 
 [Guards ejceunt ; Mandarins bustle about, ti. 
 
 Enter Japan. 
 
 /ap. Who says Badoura's cured? 
 
 Emp. Her royal father. 
 
 And his assertions are conclusive, rather; 
 Jap. Then do I claim her hand. 
 Dan. Excuse me, pray ! 
 
 But will you just be good enough to say. 
 
 Whether you'd like to have it now, or let it 
 
 Stand over till such time as you can get it ? 
 Emp. (To Danasch.) Young man, a footman ought to keep 
 his place ; 
 
 Don't be presuming. Now, we'll hear your case. 
 Jap. Son of the sun, and offspring of the sky, 
 
 If any one have cured your child, 'tis I ! 
 
 \_All express astonishment. 
 Emp. You! 
 Jap. Yes. This morning, I, to try my skill, 
 
 Popp'd in her tea a potent patent pill ! 
 Dan. He thinks your majesty a precious flat; 
 
 A pill ! you never mean to swallow that ? 
 Emp. Too forward, flunkey ! less presumption use. 
 
 We'll swallow just exactly what we choose ; 
 
 To show that our opinion won't be guided. 
 
 We do pronounce the matter undecided. 
 
 Whether our daughter to the strange young man 
 
 Owes her recovery, or to Japan. 
 
 Come here, our sons-in-law that wish to be. 
 
 Toss up for her at once— two out of three. 
 
 [Camarai.zaman and Japan take coin from their 
 pockets immediately, and toss them up, catching 
 them, and covering them with their hands. — The 
 Emperor stops them. 
 
 Or stay, don't toss ; our justice never sleeps ; 
 And, as we've set'our face 'gainst Derby sweeps, 
 To suffer gambling in our court's not right. 
 Instead of tossing, then, suppose you fight ; 
 
 [Camaralzaman and Japan draw their swords, and 
 
 strike fighting attitudes. — The Emperor stops 
 
 them again.
 
 CAMAEALZAMAN AND BADOUEA. 29 
 
 Or stay, don't fight ; put up your sword, young person, 
 {To Camaralzaman.) We've changed our mind. 
 Mai. {aside.) You couldn't for a worse 'un. 
 
 [They sheathe their swords. 
 
 Emp. A good idea has in our brain to dwell come I 
 
 Mai. {aside.) Then, as a stranger, p'r'aps you'll give it welcome. 
 
 Emp. Instead of vulgar toss or angry blow. 
 
 We'll have this matter settled by the bow. 
 Jap. Beau ! that means me — 
 Cam. Not so, my rival spruce, 
 
 Who'd think of saying "bo " to such a goose? 
 Emp. Silence 1 you two, for our fair child competing, 
 
 Shall shoot for her ; we'll call ar» archery meeting. 
 
 If anybody feels inclined to say 
 
 Our plan is not first-rate in ev'ry way. 
 
 Sublime, ingenious, just, and wise supremely. 
 
 To catch him at it, we should like extremely ; 
 Bad. This is, indeed, one's dignity abridgin' 
 
 Have your child shot for like a Red-House pigeon. 
 
 [Crosses to r. 
 Afai.Then I've a plan; my arts shall discompose 
 
 The rival arrows of these rival beaux. [Exit, l. 
 
 Cam. This is a swindle ! [Crosses to Badoura. 
 
 Emp. Ha 1 I cannot suffer — 
 
 Ban. {interrupting him.) 
 
 Now, don't be angry, there's a worthy buffer; 
 
 He is but young, wants self-control, you see. 
 
 He'd ne'er be out of trouble but for me. 
 
 To whose care, by his fond and doating mammy. 
 
 He was confided. Would you. Master Cammy ? 
 
 [IVinks at Camaralzaman. 
 
 You didn't mean the Emp'ror to annoy ? [Aside. 
 
 Don't be afraid, I'll make all right, my boy. 
 
 Cam. (aside.) 1 understand ; my liege, I beg your pardon. 
 
 Emp. Well, for this once, your fault we won't be hard on ; 
 What, ho ! to all the sporting papers send, 
 And let them know that we this match intend 
 To come off soon. The bow — the bow's the thing 
 By which this matter to a close I'll bring. 
 
 CONCERTED. 
 
 Tune — " A famous Man was Robin Hood." 
 
 Emp. Oh 1 a famous man was Robin Hood, 
 And, as an archer, made a noise ; 
 And I think, if I were you, I should 
 
 Just try a leaf to borrow from his book, my boys.
 
 30 CAMAKALZAMAN AND BADOUEA. 
 
 Cam. For aught that he can do, who cares ? 
 Jap. I've skill, and tidy strength of arm, 
 jDa«. (a^ide/oC A MAR ALz A MAN.) We'll do his business unawares, 
 I'll take good care you're kept from harm. 
 
 Chorus. 
 
 A famous man was Robin Hood, &c. [Exeunt. 
 
 Scene II. — The Fairy Boudoir o/Maimoune. 
 
 Enter Taffeta and Filma, c. 
 « 
 Fil. Pray, is your mistress in ? 
 Taf. I hardly know, 
 
 I'll go and see ; what name, ma'am ? 
 Fil. Filma ! 
 
 Taf. Oh ! 
 
 To you, of course, she's in ; but, truth to tell. 
 
 She's lately been so very far from well, 
 
 She can't see any visitors. 
 Fil. Poor dear ! 
 
 Just be so kind as tell her I am here. [Exit Taffeta. 
 
 I've called on dear Maimoune to impart 
 
 Some news that must go nigh to break her heart ! 
 
 When grief and suffering our bosoms rend. 
 
 There's nothing like a rea.1, good-natured friend. 
 
 Enter Maimoune and Attendants, c. 
 
 Good morning, dear I why, you look downright gay; 
 
 You smile as you were wont to smile to-day. 
 Mai. Oh ! yes, I'm quite recovered, thank you, dear ; 
 (Aside.) The spiteful thing 1 I know what brings her here. 
 Fil. I've called to tell you something. 
 Mai. (aside.) Oh ! no doubt, 
 
 But on a subject I know all about. 
 
 Fil. Prince Camaralzaman 
 
 Mai. Well ! 
 
 Fil. Oh ! my dear — 
 
 It will be dreadful news to you, I fear; 
 
 He's going to be married. 
 Mai. Yes ! 
 
 Fil. (aside.) Plague take her ! 
 
 I thought to faint with horror it would make her ; 
 
 Don't you feel sorry ?
 
 CAMAKALZAMAN AND BADOVEA. 31 
 
 A/at. Couldn't, if 1 tried. 
 
 As I myself intend to be the bride. 
 Fit. You ? 
 Mai. Yes ! 
 Fil. You're joking ! 
 
 Mai. Joking— 'faith, not I ; 
 
 The die is cast. 
 Fil. Oh ! never say that die, 
 
 You said that you'd forget him ! 
 Mai. P'r'aps I did. 
 
 But my heart wouldn't do as it was bid ; 
 
 Come, be my bridesmaid. 
 Fil. Nothing of the sort. 
 
 You ought to be ashamed, miss, so you ought. 
 
 To think of such an ill-assorted marriage. 
 3/ai.Be good enough to call this lady's carriage. 
 Fit. Oh, certainly ! with pleasure, ma'am — good day ! 
 Peri, {entering.) The Lady Filma's carriage stops the way. 
 Fil. (aside.) A splendid bit of scandal this will be ; 
 
 I'll ask some friends this very night to tea. [Exit. 
 
 Mai. Delightful task 1 to aid my tender suit. 
 
 And teach his young idea how to shoot; 
 
 With magic I my prince's dart will tip, 
 
 That to the judges it may give the slip — 
 
 He'll seek it ; it will lead him to ray arms, 
 
 And so ray spells will beat Badotira's charms. 
 
 Now, girls, away ! make every preparation 
 
 To welcome him as does become his station ; 
 
 Let music's silver strains his ears delight. 
 
 Not common fiddlers hired for the night. 
 
 At half-a-crown an hour and their beer. 
 
 But regular fairy music let him hear ; 
 
 And bid our fairy butler furnish, too, 
 
 A dozen of our fine old crusty dew ; 
 
 Then, fly 1 and get our wedding-dresses made 
 
 By the most stylish Peris in the trade. 
 
 At once, now ; see my wishes acquiesced in, 
 
 [Exeunt Pkris, 
 
 Meanwhile I'll practise looking interesting. 
 
 My dress and figure I had better see to, 
 
 I'll practise to ray shadow, like Cerito. 
 
 Shine out, fair moon, that I my form may view, 
 
 [Strong light at wing, l., to throw a shadow on th^ 
 stage. All the other lights down. 
 
 Thank you ! some day I'll do as much for you ; 
 
 [Dances the Pas de I' Ombre.
 
 32 CAMAEAIiZAMAlf AND BADOUEA. 
 
 My looks ain't bad — no skill could well advance 'em. 
 If he stands them, he must stand something handsome. 
 
 ^Resumes dance. 
 
 Oh, dear! oh, dear! my wings are rather crumpled. 
 Yes, and my bustle seems a little rumpled. 
 
 [Adjusts her dress by the shadow; resumes dance, 
 and exit, l. 
 
 Scene III. — An Archery Ground, laid out a la Cremorne, 
 Rosherville, Sfc. ; stuffed figures of soldiers, targets, Sfc, 
 about ; men, in Lincoln green, in attendance, — A raised seat 
 for </ie Emperor. 
 
 Enter the Emperor, attended by Guards, Mandarins, 8fc. ; 
 Japan and Cam akavzam as , with bows and arrows in their 
 hands. — Danasch in attendance on Camaralzaman.— 
 Badodra, and her Attendants, 8fc. 
 
 CHORUS. 
 (Hunting Chorus from " Der Freischutz,") 
 
 Now forward, young men, for this Princess contending. 
 
 Her father commands you to draw the long bow ; 
 And there's such a prize on your shooting depending. 
 
 That all your best skill we'd advise you to show. 
 For, oh 1 she's a treasure that's worthy of princes. 
 
 With charms more than Cocker can ever compute; 
 Each moment her form some new beauty evinces ; 
 
 So just mind your eye, and take care how you shoot. 
 Now, my lucky sportsmen ! step forward, and try your luck ! 
 
 Forward ! forward ! &c. 
 
 Emp. Daughter, you look the picture of distress; 
 
 A sorry sample of a Prize Princess. 
 Bad. {weeps.) I can't help crying — mingled doubts and fears 
 
 Transform my 'kerchief to a veil of tears. 
 
 It's wringing wet — a perfect sheet of water. 
 Emp. Say a wet blanket on our mirth, my daughter. {_Shesobs. 
 
 Come, come ! unless you mean to drop that din. 
 
 Get out, or rather, I should say, get in. 
 Bad. Well, p'r'aps I'd better, for the match would be 
 
 A truly 'arrowing spectacle to me ; 
 
 {To Camaralzaman.) Sweet prince ! may Fortune take 
 you in her care 1 
 Dim. (aside.) Master's a brute — I always thought he were. 
 
 [Exeunt Badoura, Dimpl, and Attendants.
 
 CAMAEAIiZAMAN AKD EADOTTEA. 33 
 
 Dan. Now then, old chap ! it's time we made a start ; 
 
 Suppose we do so. 
 Emp. Oh ! with all ray heart ! 
 
 You understand, who shoots the farthest, wins — 
 
 And only one shot each — Japan begins. 
 Cam. {aside to Danasch.) All's right, you say ? 
 Dan. (aside, in reply.) Correct as any trivet ! 
 
 Strengtii to your arrow I'll take care and give it. 
 
 [Japan shoots. 
 Jap. Badoura's mine ! 
 
 Cam. Don't halloo out just yet, 
 
 Out of the wood you first had better get. 
 
 [Shoots ; all start with astonishment. 
 Dan. There ! 
 Emp. Where ? 
 
 Cam. Ay! where? who saw my arrow fall ? 
 
 Att. Please, sir, I think it didn't fall at all. 
 
 SONG. 
 
 Tune— "J5/Me Bells of Scotland." 
 
 Cam. Oh ! where, and oh ! where, is my flighty an-ow gone? 
 Dan. Oh ! it's gone a great deal farther than I meant it to have 
 flown ! 
 And, it's oh ! in my heart that I can't tell where it's gone. 
 
 Chorus. 
 Then it's oh 1 in iiis heart, &c. 
 
 Jap. (to Emperor.) Suppose, and suppose, that his arrow 
 
 can't be found ? 
 Emp. He must lose the match, of course, for being such a stupid 
 
 hound I 
 Jap, Then, it's oh ! in my heart, that I hope it can't be found. 
 
 Chorus. 
 Then, it's oh ! in his heart, &c. 
 
 Cam. I've shot it out of sight, that's it, no doubt — 
 But, wait a minute, I'll soon find it out. 
 
 [Runs after his arrow. 
 
 Dan. (aside.) It strikes me. Miss Maimoune's been at work, 
 My nicely-plann'd contrivances to burk ; 
 If so, I think I'd better cut and run, 
 But, ere I do, egad ! I'll have some fun.
 
 34 CAMAEAIZAMAN AND BADOUEA. 
 
 Emp. What! can't he find it? Where can he have tossed it ? 
 
 Zounds ! if the stupid fellow's been and lost it. 
 
 Why, he deserves to lose the lady too. 
 Jap. Hear ! hear ! I quite agree with you ! 
 Dan. You do ? 
 
 Well 1 I'm not one who at conclusions jumps; 
 
 But, really, you're a precious set of pumps. 
 Emp. and Jap. Pumps ! 
 Mands. S^'c. Pumps ! 
 
 Dan. Yes, pumps I his highness in particular. 
 
 Emp. (infuriate.) 
 
 Our royal pigtail stands out perpendicular 
 
 With rage ! our pow'r of breathing almost ceases; 
 
 Slaves ! chop him up in several little pieces. 
 
 {^Guards rush at Danasch with weapons ; he stands 
 with his arms folded, looking contemptuously at 
 them. Japan interrupts them. 
 
 Jap. A moment stay ! my liege, a boon I crave — 
 Let me dispose of this presumptuous slave. 
 
 £mjB. Well, if to you 'twill any pleasure bring, 
 
 Here, slaves, fall back, and give the prince a ring ! 
 
 \_Music. — Japan draws his sword, and rushes at 
 Danasch, who draws his, and defends himself. 
 Broadsword Combat. Danasch is stabbed, but he 
 only throws up his arms and laughs. 
 
 Jap. You harden'd monster ! where's your feelings, pray ? 
 I'll try and touch them now, where'er they lay. 
 
 [Fight renewed. Danasch stabbed, and laughs as 
 before. Japan becomes infuriated, stabs Da- 
 nasch several times, at each of which he laughs. 
 At last he stabs Japan, and with an 0. Smith-like 
 laugh sinks through trap, from which a flame 
 arises. 3 apa^ falls. 
 
 Perdition catch thine arm — 
 Emp. (astonished.) There's none to catch ; 
 
 Your friend's gone off, just like a Congreve match, 
 
 Smelling like those — three boxes for a penny ! 
 Jap. (feebly.) He was a match for me, and one too many ; 
 
 I'm pepper'd ; yes, I'm summon'd to that bourne 
 
 From which commercial trav'Uers ne'er return. l^Dies. 
 Emp. I think — although I don't for certain know — 
 
 I'm justified in saying, here's a go ! 
 
 One son-in-law cut off — but where's the other? 
 Att. Please, sir, he's cut off too.
 
 CAMAKALZAMAN AND BADOUKA. 85 
 
 Emp. Now, that's a bother ; 
 
 If of the candidates we lose the two, 
 What tor a husband will Badoura do? 
 Here, find him out — every exertion make — 
 Tell him there must have been a slight mistake ; 
 As for the dart which play'd him such a trick. 
 Tell him that needn't in his gizzard stick ! 
 
 [Guards bear off Japan. 
 
 SOLO AND CHORUS. 
 
 (Eclipse Polka.) 
 
 That you find him, have a care , 
 And you'd better, I declare. 
 
 In ajiffey. 
 
 If ye 
 
 Really 
 
 Dearly 
 Prize the heads you wear. • 
 
 Chorus. 
 
 We to find him must take care ; 
 And we'd better, I declare, 
 
 In a jiffey. 
 
 If we, &c. 
 
 {Exeunt Mandarins, ^c, running to look for Cama- 
 
 RALZAMAN, L. 
 
 Scene IV.— A romantic woody Landscape. — A rock, with a door, 
 with knocker and two hells, one marked " Visitors," the 
 other " Servants." An arrow flies in, and sticks in the stage, 
 near the door ; Camaralzaman runs in fatigued andpanting 
 after it ; as soon as it falls, he pounces upon it. 
 
 Cam. So, sir, you've taken arrow-root, at last ; 
 
 I thought you'd tire of going it so fast. [Takes it up. 
 
 I've foUow'd it for miles a dozen quite. 
 
 Now, were I to describe this arrow's flight. 
 
 People would call it, without hesitation. 
 
 Merely a flight of my imagination. 
 
 Faith, now I've lost my way ; a pretty scrape 
 
 I've got into — through what ? an arrow escape !
 
 36 CAMAKALZAMAN AND BADOUEA. 
 
 SONG. 
 
 Air — " Coming through the Rye." 
 
 Ne'er a body, such a noddy, 
 
 Prov'd himself as I ; 
 Miles I've walk'd to lose my way, 
 • I'm half inclin'd to cry. 
 I've traps'd thro' forests, bogs, and swamps, 
 
 O'er vales and mountains high, 
 Coming thro' the wet and dirt. 
 
 And coming thro' the dry. 
 
 If a body's such a noddy. 
 
 Such a careless loon. 
 He deserves whate'er he gets. 
 
 For being such a spoon ; 
 But, 'pon my word, it's most annoying, 
 
 Fagg'd to death am I 
 With coming thro' the wet and dirt. 
 
 And coming thro' the dry. 
 
 {Seeing the door.) Why, here's a house that Nature's 
 
 help'd to fix ; 
 The rocks have acted here like regular bricks. 
 I'll see who's in — I'm sure I may as well — 
 They'll aid me, p'r'aps. I'll please to ring the bell. 
 
 \_Rings. Taffeta and Peris in bridal dresses, with 
 veils, wedding favours, Ufa., come out. 
 
 Well, really, I do meet the queerest things— 
 
 A lot of pretty girls, with veils and wings ! 
 Taf. Welcome, sweet prince 1 
 
 Cam. That's very kind of you. 
 
 Taf. We've been expecting you. 
 Cam. Come, that won't do. 
 
 Taf. What! doubt a lady's word? Oh! fie 1 forshamel 
 
 Prince Camaralzaman, I think ? 
 Cam. (startled.) My name ! 
 
 You've seen my picture in some print-shop window. 
 Taf. Not so, indeed; but don't stand here — come in, do. 
 Cam. Your manner, certainly, of kindness savours. 
 
 And you've already shown me lots of favours, 
 
 {^Pointing to rosettes. 
 Which, by-the-bye, induce me to suppose 
 Some of your party must be bless'd with beaux, 
 "With whom you're going to be tied up ; — in fact. 
 You've met to perpetrate some marriage act.
 
 CAirAEALZAMAK AND BADOTJKA. 37 
 
 Pei-i. We have — so please to join our wedding party ; 
 
 You're a nice man for one. 
 Cam. Well, now, that's hearty ; 
 
 You want me for a groomsman, I dare say, 
 
 Or a papa, to give the bride away. 
 
 Well, I shall be most happy, I declare. 
 
 In your Heart Union dodge to take a share. 
 
 [Exeunt into cave. 
 
 Scene the Last. — The Peris' Home. — Maimoune seated in 
 bridal array, surrounded by Peris as bridesmaids.^ A ban- 
 quet prepared. — Music. 
 
 Mai. The time draws near. I'm sadly flushed and shaken ; 
 I hope too rash a step I have not taken. 
 And put my foot in it. Should he be cold. 
 And deem my husband-catching schemes too bold. 
 He may think (having of what's right a high sense) 
 I've sought to wed him with an undue licence. 
 Ha ! here he comes ; my trepidation's great — 
 I shall receive him in a funny state. 
 
 En^erCAMARALZAMAN, conducted by Taffeta and the Peris. 
 
 Cam. Nothing but magic can I set down this to. 
 This grotto quite surpasses Monte Christo. 
 This dazzling splendour sets me fairly blinking. 
 Shutting my eyes up like — in fact, like winking. 
 
 [Seeing Maimoune and Peris. 
 
 More marriage belles ! and, faith, a pretty lot ; 
 
 But for the gentlemen, 1 see them not ; 
 
 And you'll admit, 1 think, my question's sensible. 
 
 Isn't a bridegroom rather indispensable ? 
 Mai. Excuse the boldness of my invitation ; 
 
 But, prince, would you accept that situation ? 
 Cam. You're joking, lady. 
 Mai. Sweet bird, do not laugh ; 
 
 To catch you is my wish, but not with chaflF. 
 
 The marriage preparations that you see 
 
 Are for the union of you and me. 
 Cam. What ? do you think, because you choose to make 
 
 A wedding feast, that I'm to be the cake ? 
 
 Me marry you — marry, come up ! not I. 
 Mai. You wont ? oh, crimini 1 in fact, oh, cry ! 
 
 You must be mad, sir, to refuse the match. 
 
 Consider, I'm no ordinary catch ;
 
 38 CAMAEALZAMAN AND BADOTJEA, 
 
 My wealth and influence possess no bounds ; 
 
 Just look at my establishment and grounds. 
 Cam. Good grounds, no doubt; but still not good enough 
 
 For my accepting you on. Cease this stuff. 
 
 One maid alone can ever be my bride, 
 
 To whom I'm bound, though not exactly tied. 
 Mat. Throw off that tie, 'twill give you no great shock, 
 
 And in its stead take my entire stock. 
 
 DUET. 
 Tune — " Green Bushes." 
 
 Mai. Oh, let us be married, young man, if you please. 
 In these fairy domains you may live at your ease. 
 From bailiffs and creditors perfectly free, 
 If you'll leave your own true love, and marry with me. 
 
 Cam. Oh, I care not for riches ; you needn't suppose 
 I've a spirit so poor as to marry for those ; 
 And of you my opinion much higher would be. 
 If you'd show a few blushes at making so free. 
 
 Mai. (aside.) He's twice as obstinate as any pig ; 
 
 If he is not, why, dash my Peri-wig ! 
 
 I've half a mind, for the contempt you've shown, 
 
 To change you to a block of solid stone; 
 
 But, no, you're that already. 
 Cam. Nay, be pacified ; 
 
 And, though as man and wife we can't be classified. 
 
 Let us be friends. Refuse I'm sure you'll not. 
 
 Come, and I'll tell you what to do. 
 Miii. Well! what? 
 
 Cam. Why, all your guesls here — it's a shame to cheat *em. 
 
 And all the dainties — some one ought to eat 'em ; 
 
 There ought to be a wedding, that's quite clear. 
 
 Mai. Well ? 
 
 Cam. Fetch the young princess of China here, 
 
 And, 'pon my word, I'll marry her. 
 Mai. No doubt ! 
 
 (Aside.) But really it's a chance for coming out. 
 And showing off a little magnanimity ; 
 'Twill be a struggle of intense sublimity. 
 I'll give him up, though it may cost me pain : — 
 There, now 1 Maimoune is herself again. 
 All human weaknesses away I pitch ; 
 I'll be a Peri, and behave as sich. 
 
 [Music. The scene at the hack opens, and f/te Emperor 
 and Badoura enter in a fairy triumphal^ar.
 
 CAMAEAIZAMAN A^'D BADOUfiA. 39 
 
 Cain. I didn't want the venerable gent. 
 
 Mai. 1 brouglit him here to give you his consent. 
 
 (To Emperor.) Now, ask no questions ; don't stand gaping 
 there, 
 But give your blessing to the youthful pair. 
 
 [Maimoune joins their hands; Emperor puts his 
 hands on their heads, after the most approved 
 benediction fashion. 
 
 Emp. Anything else in my way, just at present? 
 
 Mai. Nothing ! 
 
 Bad. Well, this is odd, but very pleasant. 
 
 [A loud rat-tat knocking is heard, and a bell rings. 
 
 Mai Which of our bidden guests such uproars bring ? 
 Hope they don't call that a wedding ring. 
 
 Enter Danasch, r., sprucely dressed. 
 
 You're the rap-rascal, then, that made that row ? 
 
 Dan. If I've offended, I'll knock under now. 
 
 I've called to say, that I've been thinking over 
 My past career. I'm sick of being a rover, 
 I've cut my bad associates already. 
 And mean to try to be a little steady ; 
 So p'r'aps, if I improve in my propriety. 
 You'll introduce me to some good s»ciety. 
 
 Mai. {aside.) Well, I don't know— he looks extremely well- 
 He may be worth one's notice, who can tell? 
 Partners are scarce ; and, bound in Hymen's tether. 
 We might get on extremely well together, 
 {To Danasch.) Come here — I will— yes, thus my love 
 confessing ; [Gives her hand. 
 
 I've got no Pa — will you please give your blessing ? 
 
 [To audience. 
 
 Cam. Yes, let us your approving voices hear. 
 
 And for our wedding-feast provide the cheer. 
 
 FINALE. 
 Air—" Jolly Nose." 
 
 Cam. Jolly rows of bright faces, which garnish our Pit, 
 All looking good-natured and merry; 
 And those hajjpy forms in the Boxes that sit. 
 Are cheerinpr to look upon, very.
 
 40 
 
 CAMAEALZAMAN AND BADOUEA. 
 
 Emp. Jolly rows, too, you'll see, if your .€yes you will cast 
 In a rather more lofty direction ; 
 And I fancy they don't to our efforts just past 
 Entertain the profoundest objection. 
 
 Air — " Old Dan Tucker." 
 
 Bad. Now, all 1 want this very night, 
 
 Is to hear a noise, to see a sight ; 
 
 The noise, your hands applauding sounds. 
 
 The sight, your face without frowns 
 
 Dan. Get out of the way, I'll address them. 
 
 And with some eloquence of mine impress them 1 
 
 Air — " Who's dat Knocking at de Door?" 
 
 Oh, I've just come to say, that we really ought to be — 
 
 Mai. I think you'd better let the matter rest with me. 
 I've tried 'em once or twice, 1 think, ere now. 
 And pleased with what I say they always seem somehow. 
 
 Air—" Buffalo Gals." 
 
 Then with your applause won't you come out to-night? 
 Oh, grant us that one boon ! 
 
 Chorus. 
 
 Then with your applause, &c. 
 
 B. 
 
 Disposition of Characters. 
 
 GTJAEDS. 
 
 PEEIS. 
 
 PEEIS. 
 
 PEEIS. 
 
 PEEIS. 
 
 PEEI. 
 
 DANASCH, MAIMOUNE, CAMAEAXZAMAN, BADOUEA, EMPEEOE. 
 
 W. S. Johnson, " Nassau Steam Press," CO, St. Martin's Lane.
 
 THE 
 
 BRA; 
 
 OR, THE 
 
 THREE BEAUTIFUL PRINCESSES. 
 
 A NEW AND ORIGINAL 
 
 fnirlesque fetranagaiija. 
 
 BY 
 
 ALBERT SMITH, Esq. 
 
 HAILES LACY, 
 WELLINGTON STREET, STRAND, 
 LONDON.
 
 First performed at the Royal Princess's Theatre^ 
 Easter Monday, April 21, 1851. 
 
 CI)aroftfr5-^ttt tijc ©peaing %itn. 
 
 MRS. KEELEY , By a Lady. 
 
 fXot bv any means lier first appearance in that character.) 
 ^'\I LL O' THE WISP (o lif/ld, bright , nigJit Sjri'ite) Miss Vitash 
 ASMODEUS {from the Diahle Boiteux) Mr. Flexmokf. 
 
 Fairies of all Nations, including the German Undine, the Irish 
 Leprechaun, the Persian Peri, the Arabian Gcni, and many 
 others, Jcnoicn and unknown. 
 
 Jb the Bomance. 
 
 MOHAMED Me. V.'vxx, 
 
 " A Moorish King of Granad^i, who, either through misfortune or mis- 
 management, was constantly in trouble " 
 
 HUSSEIN BABA Me. Harley. 
 
 " A Eenegado, who was reported to have a must itching palm." 
 
 THE THREE CHRISTIAN CAPTIVES. 
 
 SIR RUPERT THE READY . . .'. Mn.s. Keeley. 
 
 SIR DESPERADO THE DAUNTLESS Mr. A, Wigax. 
 
 SIR TOBY THE TIMOROUS Mk. Keeley. 
 
 " They were in the flower of youth, and of noble presence, and 
 the lofty manner in which they' carried themselves, though loaded 
 with chains and surrounded with enemies, bespoke the grandeur oi 
 tlieir souls." 
 
 THE THREE BEAUTIFUL PR\HC^5i^$—Dcniglders of King Mohamed. 
 
 ZAYDA Miss Murray. 
 
 " Zayda was tall and finely formed, with a lofty demeanour and a 
 penetrating eye." 
 
 ZORAYDA MissCLecxercq- 
 
 " Zorayda was of the middle heiglit, with an alluring look and swimming 
 gait, and a sparkling beauty." 
 
 ZORAHAYDA , Miss M. Keeley, 
 
 " Zorahavda was soft and timid, and extremely sensitive." 
 
 KADIGA {their Att&tulant) Miss Robektso.n. 
 
 '■ She was an Andalusian by birth, whose Christian name is forgotten, 
 being mentioned in Moorish Legends by no other appellation than 
 that of the ' Discreet Kadiga'." 
 
 ALARHMER(.sMrrtaH?6fZ "The Nervous") Mr. Rolleston. 
 
 EBN AJEEB {sm-named "The Noisy" Mr.J.F.Cathcart 
 
 AL T>3 .SJCO {the Primcsses' Pet Monl-eij) Mr. Flexmore. 
 
 THE SPIRIT OF THE FOUNTAIN Miss Daly. 
 
 " She was young and beautiful, and in ber liand she held a silver lute. ' 
 
 MOOftS. 
 
 BONABBEN Mr. Pallo. 
 
 IBRAHIM Mr. Daly. 
 
 ABU HABUZ Mr. Stoke.s. 
 
 People of Granada, Guards, Crusaders, Peasants, Attendants, 
 Fairies, Dancing Girls, Slaves, <&c., by a large Corps of 
 Auxiliaries.
 
 |lr0gT(jmine of ^rcnerij, &f. 
 
 Brompton Square hi/ Moonliijlii. 
 
 The Spot selected by the Fair)' Commissioners of Woods and 
 
 Forests as the Lodging Ground for the Fairies during tlie 
 
 Exposition, from its pr<aximity to Hyde Park. 
 
 THE FAIRY PRESENTATIONS OF ALL NATIONS. 
 
 Incantation and Arrival of Asmodeus. His Departure from 
 
 London. 
 
 BALLOON VOYAGE FROM BROMPTON TO THE ALHAMBRA, 
 
 Passing ovei" tlie Crystal Palace, in Hyde Park — London, by 
 Night — Dover — Tlie British Channel — Calais — Paris — A Valley 
 in the Pyrenees — The Ami5hithcatre of Ciavemie, leading to a 
 
 MOUNTAIN PASS ON THE DESCENT TO GRANADA; 
 
 With a View of the Vega and City, the Alliambra and tlie 
 SieiTa Nevada in the distance. 
 
 IN THE TOEEE DE LAS INFANTAS. 
 
 APARTMENT IN THE ALHAMBRA. 
 
 fOlRT AM) FOIMAIN OF THE LIOIVS, 
 
 rREPARED rOR 
 
 ^ (grant! i^oodsfj Jrstibal! 
 
 PAS MAURESQUE, BY MADLLE. AURIOL, 
 
 .Issisted hy the Corps de Ballet. 
 
 " IL. A S (D m III 2 "U' ^ A/» 
 
 By Mrs. KEELEY and Miss CARLOTTA LECLERQ. 
 
 Acrobatic Evolutions of the Bounding Brichs of Babylon^ 
 By Messks. KEELEY and A. WIGAN, 
 
 HAIcL OF JUBeilllT 
 
 IN THE ALHAMBRA. 
 Attack of the Christian Army and Rapid Transportation to 
 
 THE PORT OF CADIZ, 
 
 With the Departure of the Kniglits and Princesses (or 
 Clirist(indoni, in tlieir 
 
 ©©M©EOUS ©AttEY^
 
 THE ALHAMBRA; 
 
 OR, THE THREE BEAUTIFUL PRINCESSES. 
 
 SCENE I. — Brompton Square by Moonlight. 
 
 The spot selected by the Fairy Commissioners of Woods and Forests 
 as the Lodging-ground for the Fairies of all nations, from its 
 proximity to Hyde Park; lights are seen in the top icindows of the ^ 
 houses, which go out one by one during the symphony, as the people 
 may be supposed to be going to bed; the different Fairies are dis- 
 posed about, sleeping under the shrubs ; Will o' the Wisp flies 
 across the Stage, and then comes on. Music. 
 
 Will. Now creeping murmur and the poring dark 
 
 Fills all the town, from Mile End to Hyde Park ; 
 The pulse of London throbs at fever pitch ; 
 If you are fairies, wake, and dance as sich. 
 (he proceeds to rouse the Fairies to apjjropriate music ; when they 
 are all aioake there is a dance ; at its conclusion Will speaks. 
 
 Will. Break off and hide ! mischief is drawing near — 
 A female footstep falls upon my ear. 
 
 (the Fairies retire to cautious music ; wlien they are gone, enter 
 Mrs. Keeley) 
 
 Mrs. K. I never was in such a fix before ! 
 
 Libraries have been ransack'd o'er and o'er. 
 
 Notes have been taken from each author's desk, 
 
 And yet we've no new subject to burlesque. 
 
 What must be done ? Whilst everything is thriving 
 
 And visitors from all parts are arri\T[ng, 
 
 I'm in the most deplorable of messes, 
 
 With nothing to bring out at the Princess's. 
 
 Elfin Music — Will o' the Wisp cornes on. 
 
 Heyday ! Who's that ? What are you doing here ? 
 
 Where's the policeman 
 
 Will. Lady, do not fear, 
 
 I'm Will o' the Wisp — I thought perhaps I might. 
 Upon the subject throw my little light.
 
 THE ALHAMBEA. 5 
 
 Mrs. K. I hope its not expensive — if so — steady : 
 
 We pay a deal too much for light already. 
 
 In this cold age, of all romance so chary, 
 
 To think that I should live to see a fairy ! 
 
 How came you here ? 
 Will. You know I love the damp, 
 
 And as Belgravia is one great swamp, 
 
 Which sanitary measures will not touch, 
 
 I flit about there, and I like it much. 
 Mrs. K. I think I roused j'ou from your mausoleum, 
 
 With many others, at the old Lyceum. 
 
 The " Forty Thieves"— " Aladd'in," " Rohin Hood," 
 
 " Dick \^^llttington," the " Demon of the Wood." 
 
 Of " Beauties," "Beasts," " White Cats," and all bereft, 
 
 Like an ex-king, I've not a subject left. 
 Will. Might I suggest ? from fairy lands late flew 
 
 An serial ship, manned by an elfin crew. 
 
 (The Exhibition visitors to swell. 
 
 The fairies of all nations come as well.) 
 
 Here the}' alighted with a fairy cargo, 
 
 On which I vote at once to lay embargo. 
 Mrs. K. Free-trade forbids. 
 Will. You have no cause to fear. 
 
 The Burlington Arcade is very near. 
 
 Each author there the last French play receives. 
 
 And wins new laurels 
 Mrs. K. ' As he takes French leaves. 
 
 Let free-trade flourish then, and lose no time ; 
 
 Produce these fairy friends of every cUme. 
 
 Some novel tale with them they must have brought. 
 ■Will. Lady, it shall be done, as quick as thought. 
 ('Music — the Fairies enter and form two oblique lines up the starf^ 
 a bower opens and discovers a fancy frame, in which the Fairie?; 
 appear^ when named, as tableaux, in appropriate snatches nf 
 music; Ondii^e is the first) 
 
 Will. From where romantic Rhine's blue waters run 
 
 The gentle Ondine comes. 
 Mrs. K. She has been done ! 
 
 (Dndine makes way for the LEPRECHArTrJ 
 Will. The Irish Leprechaun, who tries to shun 
 
 The gaze of mortal eye ? 
 M lis. K. He has been done ! 
 
 (the Leprechaun makes way for the Peki) 
 ^VILL. The Peri from the East, who heaven won 
 
 By bringing back the tear ? 
 Mrs. K. She has been done! 
 
 (the Peri makes way for the Geni of the Lamp) 
 Will. The Geni, who built up, to use a pun, 
 
 Aladdin's house like bricks ? 
 Mrs. K. It has been done !
 
 6" THE ALHAMBRA.. 
 
 Jn fact, since fairy legends wore begun. 
 
 All — all — and lastly, we ourselves are done. 
 
 (tilt tahlemi closes) 
 
 Yet 'midst this world-renowned and elfin train 
 
 I see no representative of Spain. 
 W'ii.i.. Just use this magic wand — it has the power 
 
 To summon him before you at this hour. 
 JIrs. K. I'll call him, then, from where he roams at large, 
 
 The Devil upon Two Sticks, of Le Sage. 
 
 '■'■The Incan tat ion . ' ' 
 fajioJcen by Mrs. Keeley, through Spanish music, very piano) 
 
 By Don Quixote's Eosinante — by Gil Bias de Santillane — 
 By the Spanish Legion who went out and then — came back 
 
 again — 
 By thy castanets and nuts, and by thy bonds, and by 
 
 Granada — 
 B_v cachucas and boleros — by thy dirty cheap posada — 
 By thy tliirty-shilling sherry — by Amontillado dear — 
 By thy priests, and bulls, and barbers, I command tliet- tn 
 
 appear ! 
 
 (Music — AsMODEUs appears and salutes Mks. Keeley after siuiif 
 business from the ballet of the " The Devil upon Two Sticks'') 
 
 Mns. K. Alas ! I fear 'tis but another one — 
 I recollect me nov.^, he has been done ! 
 
 f Music — AsMODEUS striJces a tuft of shrvhs; it changes to a larr/e 
 facsimile of the shilling green edition of the " Alhambra") 
 
 Mrs. K. I see — the volume issued at a shilling. 
 
 For railway travellers who may be willing. 
 
 To ran and read — ah ! the Alhambra, see, 
 
 Last gorgeous trace of Moorish chivalry. 
 
 Let time ran back to fair Grenada's glories, 
 
 Choose for me, the most graceful of its stories : 
 
 " The Three Princess's," and so lucid make it, 
 
 Unto our aiithor's brains, that he must take it. 
 Asm. Trouble yourself no more about the matter, 
 
 I'll find the scenes, the music, and the patter. 
 
 So now for Spain, before to-moxTOW noon, 
 Mrs. K. How can you go ? 
 Asm. Go — in my own balloon : 
 
 I always keep one ready for my tricks, 
 
 In these fast days of mad balloonatics. 
 
 I've one up there : I'll summons it forthwitji. 
 
 I\Iy passports made out in the name of Smith. 
 MRi<. K. But if you come to where the channel waves cud, 
 
 Don't make a mess of it and drop at Gravesend. 
 Asm. Now then, balloon (calling up), look sharp, I sa\', up there,. 
 Mrs. K. He's going in a fly to take the air.
 
 THE ALITAaiBEA. T 
 
 Away at once, to sport upon the Moors ! 
 3Ir. Keei.ey. (vnthout) 1 say— my love — you'd better come ivn 
 
 doors ! 
 JIus. K. I'm coming — with a cahner, clearer head, 
 I'll say good-night — step in — and go to bed. 
 
 Exit Mns. Keeley_ 
 
 (Music — tlie Fairies assist Asmodeus as Jiis balloon descends in 
 getting tlie stores packed for the journei/ — a great coat, telescope, 
 chamjjag'M, dr.; when all is ready he gets into the car; cloudx 
 fall and the balloon ascends ; as tliey char avay they discover a. 
 view of London by night, with the Crystal Palace ; tJie scenery 
 then begins to sink continuously, giving the audience the notion 
 that the bcdloon is constantly rising, and presents a, bird's eye 
 view of Dover and ihe Channel by night, Cakiis Harbour, Paris, 
 the Pyrenees, the Amphitlieatre of Gavernie, Sevelle, tJie Vega of 
 Granada ; and then the bcdloon drops ; Asmodeus, who has been 
 occupied withbminess, {putting on his: great coat, drinl-ingbravdy^ 
 and wrapping himself exceedingly warm, rf'C.) (dl this time, gets 
 out and exits ; tlie clouds disperse and discover) 
 
 SCENE II. — A MouNTAiM Pass on the Descent tc* 
 Granada, with a View of the City; the Alhambra 
 
 BEYOND IT ; AND THE SlERRA NeVADA ABOVE ALL. 
 
 A Moorish fountain r. and caravanserai, l. ; a groiip of palms and 
 vines, k. ; the road descends behind rocks, c. ; Moors are idling^ 
 abotit vith their jxichages, mules, &c^ near the fountain. Music ^ 
 The Moors clinh their glasses. 
 
 Moor. Ho ! Hussein Baba — bring anotlifir cup 
 
 Of the best wine you have ; and chalk it up. 
 
 ^nter Hussein Ba-ba from caravanserai, l. 
 
 Hus. If you must drink and break your Moslem vow, 
 
 I'll tliank you not to kick up such a row ; 
 
 And if you want fresh liquor, you must pay, 
 
 For chalks too often walk themselves away-. 
 -Jnd. Moor. There's money ! 
 
 7 St. Moor. Come, some fresh juice of the grape !■ 
 
 Hrs. What would you like ? My fifteen-penny Capo 
 
 Is a domestic wine — f nil- flavoured, veiy-^ 
 
 Only exceeded by my half-crown sherrj'. 
 
 Hero's some old crusted port — a fruity wine 
 
 At three and six — the bouquet's very fine ; 
 
 It lias been kept twelve years in dark and dust. 
 
 As people say, to gain an honest crust. 
 1 St. MooR. That's a long time. 
 
 Hus. It is; but then you know- 
 
 That crusted port is generally slow.
 
 ■■> THE ALHAMBRA. 
 
 No doctoring is wanted to complete it ; 
 Hedges and Butler's first-class wines can't beat it — 
 (aside) Although the troops declare, bought from the Sutler, 
 It smacks more of the hedges than the butler. 
 
 ".I'll. Moou. Give us a toast — come fill — and drink like men, 
 The prophet, could get tipsy, now and then. 
 
 Hr-(. Here's to Mahomed's health, and plenty of it, 
 
 1st. Moor. How dare you jest? 
 
 IT).:;, I do not mean the prophet. 
 
 Not he who wrote the "Koran," but our king. 
 Who always flies in fight — (the Moors threaten himj — on 
 
 victory's wing. 
 And who's descendant, if the word rolls right on, 
 Will one day keep shampooing baths at Brighton. 
 To chant his history to you can't be wrong 
 
 (in the manner of a toast-master) 
 " Now, gentlemen, pray silence for a song," 
 
 Sonc/, Hussein, " The Cork Leg." 
 
 There's a wonderful king who hves up there, 
 And keeps in a tower three daughters fair, 
 Whom he never allows to take the arr, 
 Like the Pagan girls in Grosvenor-square. 
 
 " With their tooral, tooraL" 
 
 Now when they were bom an astrologer said. 
 That if ever these beautiful girls were wed 
 He might put up his spoon and go to bed. 
 For the Christians would soon knock his crown from , 
 his head. ^Vith their tooral, &c. 
 
 For fear that the prophecy should come true, 
 The old king lives in a terrible stew, 
 And his beautiful daughters mope and mew. 
 And all day long they have nothing to do. 
 
 With their tooral, &c. 
 
 But as all young ladies are bom to be wives. 
 And make men happy the rest of their lives. 
 We will hope the enclianter has told a flam, 
 
 , And that all his predictions are not worth a 
 
 Tooral, tooral, &c. 
 
 (a? he concludes they applaud luith their cups, hut break off as they 
 hear a march in the distance, which continues louder and louder) 
 Hits. The royal band — away with everj'thing — 
 Clear off the Pagan cups : it is the king ! 
 
 (march continues; they hustle away the cups and go off; the procession 
 of King Mahomed returning from the tears appears. Spoils, 
 Christian prisoners, (&c. ; the Princesses are carried on, each 
 enclosed in an arabesque litter, of a different colour ; they make 
 a throne for Mahomed under the palm trees, icith a carpet, 
 d-c. Flourish)
 
 THE ALHAMBRA. ' 9 
 
 Ki.NG. So shaken as we are — so wan with care — 
 Find we a time our trappings to repair : 
 This time our arms o'er matched the Christian di-egs, 
 Last time, you may remember, 'twas our legs. 
 What, ho ! ^Hussein re-enters with cup) you slave, a cuj- 
 of water bring. 
 
 Hfs. Most overwlielming and unchristian king. 
 
 Here's water ; that will suit your royal tlirottle, 
 (aside to Kjxcj) From grape juice made — that's been ten 
 years in bottle, 
 
 KiKG. fdriaksj Ha ! send us up a pipe— for us alone. 
 
 Hus. Extensive Pagan, pipes are not yet kiiown, 
 Because tobacco, please your royal pitfe, 
 Won't be found out till iooS. 
 
 King. I mean't a pipe to drink, fool — not to smoke. 
 Who art thou, that thou darest thus to joke ? 
 
 Hl's. Unequalled infidel, in times of yore 
 
 I was a Christian, but am now a Moor. 
 
 Unable in the wars our troops to rally, 
 
 We fled before a sally in the valley. 
 
 When finding all our party in a fix, 
 
 We, for the turbans, changed our tiles like bricks : 
 
 In fact, in me, your slave, sire, will be found 
 
 The " Crescent and the Cross " in one vol. bound. 
 
 King. I want a cunning fellow of your race * 
 
 To keep about me : you shall have his place. 
 
 (pointing to an Oj/icerJ 
 And now that all this hour of joy may share, 
 Let my three daughters have a breath of air. 
 
 (Mmic — " Three Blind Mice." — The curtains are withdrawnfrom. 
 the litters, and Hussein hrings forward the Pkimcesses, veiled, 
 one after the other) 
 
 ICiNG. On this great day of triumph, veils despise, 
 And let their beauty dazzle all our ej'es. 
 (as the Princesses unveil the King tuhcs his seat upon the throne, 
 and goes through the following scene — in imitation of Mk. 
 Mackeady in " King Lear ") \ 
 
 Zayda ! my own determined eldest girl , 
 Zorayda, setting men's brains on a whirl. 
 My Zorahayda, the Alhambra's toast, 
 Which of you shall we say doth love us most ? 
 /ay. Sire, I do love you, not to mince the matter, 
 More than the fiercest battle's loudest clatter : 
 Far more than any sort of lady's lark, 
 Than driving two mad ponies in the park : 
 Ciearing a bullfinch with the royal hounds, 
 Ik'tting from dozen pairs of gloves to pounds : 
 Betttjr in fact tlian doing ought 1 could, 
 Wliich in these days a fast young lady should. 
 
 A 2
 
 10 THE ALHAMBRA 
 
 King. My own gay girl, the image of your father, '{kisses her) 
 
 Now, my Zorayda, do you love me ? 
 ZoR. Rather ! 
 
 I love you better than a coiuity ball, 
 
 With twenty handsome partners at my call : 
 
 Getting my chaperone set down to cards, 
 
 Snubbing the Une, and waltzing with the guards : 
 
 Throwing my sweetheart over in a passion, 
 
 Or dressing in the most expensive fashion. 
 KixG. (kisses her) My Zorahayda, Now's your time to speak. 
 ZoRAH. To say how much I love you, words are weak, 
 
 I love you bett|f than how can you ask it ? 
 
 My pet skye ten-ier and my crochet basket : 
 
 In fact my love passes all power of speech, 
 
 >So let me sing it, sire, I do beseech. 
 
 Sony, Zorahayda. 
 
 Air, by Alfred Mellon, in " TJie Phantom Dancers.'' 
 
 To me, my tenible papa, 
 I can't express how dear you are : 
 My love as grown to such a height. 
 No tongue can tell, no pen can write. 
 Oh ! oh ! don't I love my daddy ! 
 Oh ! oh ! dont I love papa. 
 
 (the Princesses sing the chorus and then dance a reel) 
 
 KixG. This moment makes amends for all our toils, 
 
 AMiat shall we give you from the battle spoils ? 
 
 Princesses. Some sweethearts, pa. 
 
 King. Sweethearts ! pooh, pooh ! sweet stuff I 
 
 In six years hence it will be time enough 
 To think of that : young maids, as times now go, 
 Of honour, or of all work, high or low. 
 The more you shut them up the more they know, 
 
 (a trumpet sounds without) 
 
 Eider an Attendant j^afe and wounded, c. 
 
 Att. Great monarch ! on Nevada's snowy heights 
 
 We've been and fought and conquered three young knights. 
 They've scarcely left me breath enough to speak, 
 Hus. Pooh, stuff, you know three knights can't make one weak. - 
 King. Bring straight before me these misgiuded men : 
 Mashallah ! providence is great — 
 
 (Mnsic — Guards go tip and return icith Sir Desperado, Sir 
 KupERT, and Sir Toby, struggling with tlteir Captoks) 
 
 Now then ! 
 Des. Saracen's Head, behold three Christian martyrs. 
 
 In Avhora these Turks of yours, have caught three Tartars.
 
 THE ALHAMBKA. 11 
 
 Vou niggers, let rae loose, or if you fret me 
 ril make a ghost of him who dose'nt let me 
 Hands off. I say, you'd best not try a tussell man, 
 Or, tho' no Tiuk, I'll show j'ou I'm a muscle-man 
 
 (knoclis Attendant down) 
 ToBV. fto his Guards) Oh ! don't do that, I say, now, let me gu, 
 CasideJ I'll make it precious worth your while, you know. 
 
 Now, there's good fellows, only see me thi-o' it. 
 
 (to the King) Please, sir, it wasn't me, I saw him do it. 
 Rvp. (to his Guards) I say, come none of that: so stop your cheek: 
 
 Two upon one! I wouldn't be a sneak. 
 
 Keep further oif, nor thus my wrists indent, 
 
 You're not policemen, and I'm not a gent. 
 Zay. With such great courage I must own I'm struck. 
 ZoR. Wliat grace ! What elegance ! 
 ZoBAH. Oh ! what a duck ! 
 
 'Sestette, Tlie Olga Waltz, Zorah and Princesses. 
 
 On all our ears thus falling 
 Every sense enthralling, 
 Thoiigh in a fix appalling. 
 Come their enchanting words. 
 Vows will ere long be spoken. 
 Each will exchange a token — 
 Promises kept unbroken — 
 When we have cut those cords. 
 
 La, la, la, la. 
 ^ (KsK+HTs joinwith Princesses) 
 
 Hush !— harkl 
 
 Keep dai'k, 
 
 Dont — down, 
 
 Fright, smite, 
 
 Strike when we get ree. 
 
 (at the end, IIm Knighta lodltz en deux temps with the Princessks, 
 to the (/reat consternation of the King and Court) 
 KiN'G. Stop ! stop ! stop ! 
 
 (he stops the band J 
 M(jsques and llosquitos ! robbery and ruin ! 
 Why, what the Devil are you all a doing ? 
 Tear them asunder, their death knell is rung 
 
 f Guards advancej 
 lies. I fear this string of beaux will be bowstrung. 
 IJuc. You would not liave us tlms like cattle slaughtered. 
 Ki.sci. Pooh ! let them at once be hung, drawn, and quartered. "' 
 
 (the PitiNCESsES are about to intercede) 
 KrNO. I tell you I wont have it ; mutes advance, 
 And te ich these infidels an air to dance.' 
 
 (some Mutes come forward and j)laee bow-strings round their 
 necks)
 
 12 THE ALHAMBRA, 
 
 IJcp. He looks too much in earnest to be jesting ; 
 
 I say, it's getting rather interesting. 
 Toby. Why was I led away by thoughts of fame 
 
 To sliow the pagans I could not die game ; 
 
 I who was always known to be a fool, 
 
 And always wopped by all the boys at school ? 
 Why did I come my taper out to snuff? 
 
 Echo replies, " because you are a muff." 
 Des. W^hat! hang a knight? I'd send, ere thus I'd dangle 
 
 My body with my mail shirt, to the mangle. 
 
 This hempen collar from my neck unloose. 
 
 Remember, sir, " that no news is good news." 
 
 Saracen's Head, give not the fatal sign. 
 
 That bids yon mutes get this gent in a line : 
 
 Or if you do — 
 Hur. Be calm, or I'm mistaken. 
 
 Kt p. This rasher mood will never save our bacon : 
 
 See, how I'll gammon him. We fear not death — 
 Toby. Oh, don't we — 
 Rup. Silence ! or I'll stop your breath : 
 
 But don't you think 'twill better serve the nation 
 
 To find us some hardworking situation. 
 Pes. Make me your turnspit : I can be of use : 
 
 A second Soyer, glad to cook your goose. 
 Rup. Or set us to cut down your forests thick — 
 Tdby. For my part, /will gladly cut my stick. 
 Rup. If you would wish his favour to obtain, 
 
 You'd better not try those old jokes again. , 
 
 Toby. They like it : old jokes are well known as true ones. 
 
 Whilst there's a doubt sometimes about the new ones, 
 Zay. Sire, let them live. These foreigners have powers 
 
 Unknown, that maj"^ divert your leisure hours. 
 King. On second thoughts our birthday fete is nigh, 
 
 They first shall grace our triumph, and thw'U die. 
 Des. Never say die, by dint of elocution, 
 
 I'll try and stir them up to revolution. 
 
 Smithfield was long the nuisance of the to'mi, 
 
 But even Smithfield is at last put down. 
 
 Friends, you're all slaves, degrading thought, oh, go it ! 
 
 And save me, who thus taught you first to know it. 
 
 Each man, up with himself, down with his neighbour, 
 
 And cut off the king's head with his own sabre. 
 
 Fire ! murder ! robbery ! 
 ToBi". Hurray ! hurray ! 
 
 Des. Liberte, egalite, fraternity. 
 King. "VMiat does he say ? 
 
 A red hot Red Republican by jingo ! 
 
 (iag him at once, stop his infernal lingo.
 
 TtiE ALHAMBRA. 13 
 
 Concerted Piece, " Barber of Seville." 
 
 (the Princesses surround the Kino and implore him) 
 
 Rup. ^ir, I'm sure you'll never rail if 
 
 I'll explain this Moorish bailiff; 
 
 Collar'd us, 
 
 Mack this fuss : 
 
 Oh. most venerated Califf. 
 Des. Sir, this villainous black soldier, 
 
 As tills gentleman has told you, 
 
 Made this riot, 
 
 Therefore qiiiet : 
 
 Sure I cannot keep my tongue. 
 Toby. Sir, with your polite permission, 
 
 I'll express my deep contrition ; 
 
 Spare my life. 
 
 End this strife : 
 
 Sir, oh, grant me my petition. 
 Princesses. Sir, have pity on your daughters, 
 
 Send us back unto our quarters ; 
 
 We'll be grave. 
 
 And behave. 
 
 As your Majesty has taught us. 
 King. Silence ! 
 
 fall retire in confusion up the stage; tableau, and the scene closes) 
 
 SCENE III. — The Chamber of the Princesses in the 
 Torre de las Infantas. 
 
 All arch c, irith balcony beyond; a tapestry frame r. ; some floirers , 
 L. ; a bird cage l. c. Sunset, uhich gradually darkens. 
 
 Enter Kadioa. 
 
 Kad. All day beside this lonely window seated, 
 Was ever ladies' maid so badly treated ; 
 Ne'er knowing what my neighbours are about, 
 No followers — never a Sunday out- 
 No footman kept nor valet, 'tis so slow. 
 That is the only valley that I know. 
 
 Sony, Kadiga.— " Katty Mooney." 
 I'll courted be by some young man, 
 'Tv ill be so snug and cosey ! 
 Sfj 1 rt him choose me while lie can. 
 Hell find few lips so rosy : 
 And if I chance to be so blest. 
 His only wife he'll find me ;
 
 14 THE ALHAMBRA. 
 
 I'll have no others like the rest 
 To carry false tales behind me. 
 Och hubhaboo — och philliloo, 
 l^'l Allah ! how I'll tear 'em. 
 
 Ay de mi ! she soon shall see 
 All IS harem-scarem. 
 
 \Miat Avill young Princess Zorahayda say 
 When she finds out her monkey's stole away ? 
 He's such a dear; such grace in every antic, 
 There's something in that creature quite romantic. 
 My love for monkeys I cannot dissemble, 
 There's some young men they do so much resemble. 
 
 (Musk — " Little Love is a mischievous hoy." — As she goes to sleep 
 (music changes) Al Djaco, the favQurite monkey appears. The 
 monkey goes through various antics^ and at last kisses Kadicja, 
 knocks down a box, and frightened id the noise, runs of. J 
 Kadiga starts up. 
 
 Kad. What's that ! come in ! I thought I heard a knocking. 
 
 And dreamt that some one kissed me, Oh ! how shocking. 
 
 (looks from the vnmloui') 
 
 And as I live, — by, all that bright array, 
 My mistresses are coming back to day. 
 
 (Air vnthoid — '■'■Sich a getting up stairs," and then the three Peik- 
 
 CESSES enter J 
 
 Zay. (sits J Heigho ! 
 
 ZoR. (sitsj Heigho ! 
 
 ZoRAH. (sits) Heigho! 
 
 Zay. At home once more, 
 
 Locked in our lofty chamber, 
 ZoRAH. What a bore ! 
 
 ZoR. There : fold our things, and lay them on their shelves. 
 ZoR.UJ. There's a good girl — now leave us to oui'selves. 
 Kad. Whenever they have anything to say 
 
 That is worth hearing, I am sent away. 
 
 [Exit Kadiga. 
 
 Zay. (at her frame) I cannot work to day as once I used, 
 
 ]SIy wools a])pear all dazzling and confused. 
 Zdr. Away dull glass, you are not worth inspection, 
 
 I find more pleasure in my own reflection. 
 
 (Throifs away mirror.) 
 
 Zorah, My bird begins to bore nie with his song. 
 
 Piping " Der Freyschutz " badly all day long. 
 
 Did I but know where pines my gallant spark, 
 
 I'd give my linnet up, to have a lark. 
 
 Dearest Zorayda, trip us up some new ineasure, 
 ZoR. If you will sing, dearest sister, 
 Zorah. " Oh ! with pleasure.
 
 THE ALHAMBRA. 15 
 
 Zayda, love, take your bells, and hei-e alone 
 We'll have a chamber concert of our own. 
 
 (Zayda tal^es some musical belh, loith tcJuch she accompxtnies thi: 
 air. She seats herself on a divan l. Zorahayda, tciih tam- 
 borine, sits donn r. Zorayda dances a Pas Seal to the fol- 
 lowing 
 
 Song, Zorahayda, " A Life by the Galley Fire." 
 
 Oh, the life of a girl may tire. 
 
 Shut up in a fortress wild ; 
 And no cavaher to admire 
 
 Don't 'zactly suit this child. 
 For a sweetheart's vows we pine. 
 
 And each pleasure becomes a bore ; 
 Oh give me a suitor fine, 
 
 Though Pa he may storm and roar. 
 
 (At the conclusion of tloe dance a f/2citar is heard beloio, and imme- 
 diately aftertcards the voices of the hiights, in imitation of the 
 street beggars J 
 ZoRAU. Oh, girls ! — the family jewels to a farden — 
 
 Our three young knights are working in the garden. 
 
 ( )h, the dear souls, so manly, yet so meek ! 
 
 Hark, hark — the little one 's about to speak. 
 8iK Toby. My C'hi'istian friends (if there in hearing be), 
 
 A single Christian friend. Oh, pity me! 
 
 Three Christian knights forced by the cruel Turk 
 
 Among their pagan potherbs for to work. 
 Desp. "We lie and starve all night in dungeons damp and murky 
 
 They tell us we may eat the fruit, which the only fruit in 
 the garden's rhubarb, 
 
 And unfortunately that's Turkey. 
 Z"U. Oh I let me look ! 
 Z Av. Hush ! stop ! it will be better : 
 
 Instead of signs to send them a love letter. 
 ZoK. Alas ! we've neither paper, pens, nor ink, 
 Z'»i!AH. But here are flowers, sister, and 1 think 
 
 A note we'll make, if my advice you'll follow. 
 
 Will beat " The Complete Letter Writer " hollow, 
 
 (Zorahayda brings down a vase of flowers. The Princesses 
 Inippl round it, and select their emblems by turns.) 
 
 V'uHt, here's the Kose — that means with love we bum — 
 ZoR. The Jonquil — we desire a return. 
 Zav. Convolvulus — in hopeless bonds we pine, 
 ZoKAU. Forget me not — to no one else incline. 
 ZoK. Nutmeg geranium — an expected greeting, 
 Zay. And Oleander, for a cautious meeting. 
 Z'iKAii. Now, wliOKoevcr first these flowers receives, 
 
 Will know that he may venture, by our leaves. 
 (They tie the flowers into a bou(£aet and throw it over the balcony. J
 
 16 THE ALHAMBEA. 
 
 ZoK. See ! the young one makes signs ; be bids us take 
 
 Our scarves, and with their lengths a ladder make. 
 
 (they take their scarves, and throw them over balconyj 
 
 That's it— pray tie it tightly— there, 'tis done, 
 
 But I am sure 'twill only carry one. 
 ZoRAH. That shall be mine, the one that sings so sweetly— 
 ZoR. Mine, if you please, who plann'd the rope so neatly. 
 Zay. No, sister, mine— that jolly little man, 
 ZoRAH. We'll each pull in our own, as best we can. 
 
 Now let your lines hang clear. 
 
 See ! the fish bite, altho' the baits are here. 
 
 (draw up their respective lovers) 
 
 Toby, (as he is climUng up) Wlien we get in oh ! shan't we be in 
 clover ; 
 Come I say, Rupert, give us a leg over. 
 Rur. I would do so with pleasure, but you know 
 Ere I help you I must myself let go. 
 
 When first we thought on't no scheme could be madder—^ 
 Three scaling lads, and ne'er a scaling ladder. 
 
 {they enter over balcony) 
 Desp. And now sweet ladies, spite of bolt and bar. 
 
 As the clown says at Christmas, " here we are." 
 (Sir Toby comes down to the front with Zayda, as the others retire 
 up the stage.) 
 Toby. With love's light wings did I o'er perch these walls 
 
 I fear with serious damage to my smalls. 
 Zay. Oh Toby, Toby ! wherefore art thou Toby ? 
 Deny thy country — give thy faith the go-by. 
 Or if thou wilt not — thou dear little man, 
 I will no longer be Mahommedan. 
 Toby. What, take an alias ! If it's all the same, 
 
 I'd rather not. 
 Zay. Then be some other name. 
 
 What's in a name ? Gloves cleaned, however well. 
 By any other name the same would smell. 
 You little dear, you ! 
 T<,by. At my size don't sport. 
 
 You know in summer, nights are always short. 
 ZoK. Srweet knight, bo brief, we've really scarce a minute 
 
 Ere they'll lock up our chamber, and us in it. 
 ZoRAH. If you would pop— pop quick— no time to spare, 
 
 Our maid comes soon, to put up our back hair. 
 Des. If we would pop ? 
 
 Kiip. She says " if we would pop." 
 
 Oh, come with us, your Tagan parent drop ! 
 You have no notion (with your Harem life) 
 Of all the freedom of a Christian wife. 
 Des. You can go shopping, with no husband near, 
 Provided you have tick, " cela va vous dire"
 
 THE ALHAMBRA. 17 
 
 Kfi". E11J03' your opera-box, ami cram it so 
 
 TJiat when your husband comes, he's forced to go. 
 ToBv. And after gadding all the town about 
 
 Your mother needn't know that you were out. 
 
 (drum without at bacl-J 
 Kii'. Hark ! as Shakspeare says — a drum, a drum 
 'loBi-. The Guards ! and blackguards too. Oh, let's bolt, come. 
 Des. Sure as a gun they're there with bow and arrow, 
 ToBv. They'll shoot me as Cock Robin did the sparrow. 
 (iLAED (withontj Ready, 
 'I'oBY. (hanging by scarf J Oh my ! 
 LARr>. Present. 
 
 ToBv. Good gracious ! 
 
 GuAKu. Fire. 
 
 Toby. Oh! that's into me. {arrows fly in) 
 
 Rup. 'Tis well it was no higher, {pulls out arroxc) 
 
 ToBV. They're pointing up again; I've got the shivers. 
 And they've got lots more arrows in their quivers. 
 
 The next time they'll shoot higher 
 
 Mvv. Look sharp, come. Toby falls 
 
 Zav. Allah ! 
 ZoRAH. Bismillah ! 
 
 Kui-. He's fallen through the drum ! 
 
 (Xoise helow, and alarm; rolling of drums. The Knights descend 
 hurriedly. Kadiga covies in and sends the Vrv^c'es&t.^ to their 
 rooms. All this time, and through the scene, at intervals, thf 
 Monkey has been playing hi4 tricks. Hurried music. AH 
 e:reunt k. 
 
 SCENE IV. — An Apartment in the Alhambka. 
 
 Enter Hrs-^Eix Bada at Master of the Ceremonies, follmced hy 
 
 Slaves. 
 
 Hi'!'. Now, for the last time, pay your best attention 
 To some important things I have to mention : 
 There has been so much robbery of late, 
 You, Muley, look sharp out, and watch the plate. 
 Bonabben, take your place at the first wicket. 
 And mind that no one comes without his ticket ; 
 Receive the caps and cloaks from every guest, 
 And don't let those wlio go first, take the best. 
 Ahmed, don't be too generous with the ices, 
 And don't cut up the cake, in too large slices; 
 If you should find tlie negus running shorter, 
 Fill up the jugs, upon the sly, with water. 
 Tliat's all at present. Go back to your hall, 
 And when again I want you, I will call. 
 
 Exeunt Slaves 
 Heyday I here comes Kadiga, all unmufBed ! 
 Wby. what has the young lady's featliers ruffled ':•
 
 IS THE ALlTAMBiiA. 
 
 Enter Kadiga, angrihj. 
 
 Kai>. Was ever my propriety so wounded? 
 
 I, who have been by tempters so surrounded,- 
 
 To be insulted tlius ! 
 His. What is the matter ? 
 
 Kad. Matter enough to make a dumb slave chatter I 
 
 The three princesses, whom I guard above 
 
 Have dared — bold, forward things ! — to fell in love . 
 
 And who with, think you? Guess it if you can, 
 1 1 us. A light upon me breaks — I am the man ! 
 Kai>. You ! yon absurd half-pagan mongrel fright ! 
 
 No — each is thinking of a Christian knight ; 
 
 And all three just this moment dared to say 
 
 They'd pay me, if I'd look another way ! 
 Hus. Kadiga, all this virtuous indignation, 
 
 Is most becoming in your situation. 
 
 But listen ! There the Christian's prison see : 
 
 I am the jailor, and this is the key. 
 
 What did the ladies ofter ? 
 Kad. Sums untold. 
 
 Coins from their hair, and anklets of pure gold. 
 Hus. I see. Now don't you think it v»'oidd be fair, 
 
 To let these poor knights sometimes breathe fresh air? 
 
 I know your virtue is far over proof, 
 
 But you've a promenade xvpon the roof 
 
 Where your yoimg mistresses might walk the whilt -. 
 
 And thus enjoy themselves upon the tiles. 
 
 You are a wonder — young, and quick, and pretty— 
 
 You have a heart 
 
 Kad. Heigho ! the more's the pity- 
 
 Hus. Let us assist these poor young lovely things — 
 
 And— share whatever swag, the project brings.. 
 Kad. But, Hussein — fancy if we were found out! 
 Hus. The sequel don't admit of any doubt. 
 
 A mere toss-up, T\athout a chance to choose — 
 
 The m<march wovxld cry heads, and we should lose. 
 
 But, most discreet and fair, we need not stay, 
 
 If the princesses choose to run away. 
 Kad. (aside) Although at first, he really was not striking. 
 
 There's something in him vastly to my liking. 
 Hus. Lovely Kadiga, queen of Spanish beauties, 
 
 Its tune to go, and look about owe duties. 
 
 I'll turn the matter over, that's enough. 
 
 And you shall shall see my turn-over's no puff. 
 
 Duet, Hussein and Kadiga, " The Charitij Bo;/.'' 
 
 Hus. My dear Kadiga, one fine day 
 I think we both mav bolt awav ;
 
 THE ALHAMBRA. li) 
 
 And then, if m)' advice you'll take, 
 
 A decent living we may make. 
 
 I'll start a first-rate barber's shop, 
 
 And scandal sell whilst polls I crop, 
 Kad. And I'll sell fans to ladies gay, 
 
 And carry love notes, whilst they pa}'. 
 Hls. Oh ! I'm so happy ! 
 Kad. So am I. 
 
 And from Granada, when we fty. 
 Both. We'll sing, and dance, and play the fool, . 
 
 Like children loose from charity school. 
 
 (dancinfjj Tiddy toll lol, &c, 
 
 Hus. On Sumlays, in our best things drest. 
 
 We'll go to bull fights with the rest. 
 Kad. Eich lace and satin I will wear, 
 
 And in a silk net tie my hair. 
 Hus. And sometime hence wo perhaps might see 
 
 Some little barbers on our knee. 
 Kad. Now pi-ay don't talk about such things, 
 
 But quietly take what fortune bi'ings. 
 Both. Oh, I'm so happy, &c. 
 
 (they dance off together) 
 
 SCENE V. — The Court and Fountain of the Lions^ 
 
 Illuminated for the Fete. 
 
 Enter Zokahayda, desjwiidiw/lt/. 
 
 ZuK. .My bosom's lord, has tumbled from his throne, 
 And left me wretched, hopeless, and alone. 
 What must be done ? I fear we cannot wed, 
 Better I lose my heart, than he his head. 
 Or else discovered, followed, and brought back. 
 He'd be tm-ned off, and I should get a sack. 
 A husband hung ! that Avould be such a drop ! 
 
 Oh I I could drown myself with grief yet stop ! 
 
 What throws the fountain into such confiision. 
 As if in anger at my rash inti'usion ? 
 There seems to be, what in another quarter 
 They so much want — a fresh supply of water. 
 
 Music — Tlie water of the fountain ffleams with light, and the 
 Spirit of tue Fountain rises through it, holding a silver lute in 
 her hand. 
 
 Si-in. Why weep ye by ray tide, lady ? Oh stop 
 
 These briny tears that in my basin droj) ! 
 
 If you will tell the secret of your grief, 
 
 I may aftord you some outdoor relief. 
 ZonAU. I'm the most miserable of princesses, 
 
 riung'd in a sea of terrible distresses :
 
 20 THE ALIIAMBRA. 
 
 Madly in love, and love beyond all hope, 
 
 Not leading to the altar but the rope. 
 
 Can you assist me ? 
 Sjm. From the days of old, 
 
 Poor girls to us their troubles always told ; 
 
 And my fair sisters of the stream and fall 
 
 Have always aided them. I give thee all, 
 
 I can no more, though poor the offering be ; 
 
 This lute is all the store I bring to tliee. 
 
 Its silver cords if you will gently sweep, 
 
 'Twill soon send everybody fast asleep. 
 Z<jK. At concerts where our Alme6's play and sing, 
 
 I've heard long solo's do the self-same thing. 
 
 (Jh, thanks, a thousand thanks, this very hour. 
 
 I'll try upon the court its magic power. 
 
 {Music — "itfy Heart and Lmte.^' Brinrr dtscrndg.) 
 
 Song, ZoEAH — Air, " Uncle Xed." 
 
 Oh, I'm very much obliged for the kind things she has said. 
 
 And I'll try in an hour or so, 
 
 To keep them asleep until we all have fled 
 
 To a place where we all ought to go. 
 
 Hang up the sabres in a row a row. 
 
 Lay down the string of the bow ; 
 
 There's no more work for the cruel Moor or Turk, 
 
 We'll have gone where all true lovers go. 
 
 Air, " Folacca, Furitani." 
 
 But then you know. 
 
 But then you know, 
 
 I'oor virgins A'eiled so, sirs, 
 
 Tliey really can't know, sirs. 
 
 Which way they should go, sirs, 
 
 Unless you point it out, sirs. 
 
 From scymitar's gleaming. 
 
 And lances bright beaming. 
 
 Fearing each day to die. 
 
 Oh, what a treat to fly, 
 
 And what a route to find it out. 
 
 March — Mohamed enters with his Court, preceded hj Torch 
 Beakeks, Lantern Caeriers, dx.; Ladies, Kaimga, Fkin- 
 CESSES, and Attendants. 
 
 KiNft. On this blest day, victorious from the wars. 
 
 Free from all loss, captivity, and scars. 
 
 We give a grand fete free fi'om Vauxhall damps. 
 
 With an additional ten thousand lamps. 
 
 8on of a scullion, are our slaves at hand ? 
 Hus. They are, great Moor, awaiting your command. 
 Kino. What have you got to show ?
 
 THE ALHAMBRA. 21 
 
 Hl'3. Tremendous king, 
 
 In every line, we have got everything — 
 
 Arabian Acrobats and Bounding Brothers, 
 
 Mad dancing dervishes, "with many others. 
 
 Great wizards of the north, south, west, and east, 
 
 Snake charmers, clowns ; and, though the last not least, 
 
 In yonder gallery will be unfurled 
 
 A panorama of all round the world. 
 
 tl measures ten miles long, and as I'm told 
 
 Will take about six weeks to be unrolled. 
 King. How, slave ! A panorama long as that — 
 
 All round the world ! pooh ! stuff I all round my hat I 
 
 Well — call some of these wondrous people in. 
 Hf 3. I will, great king, {rings hell) Now all in to begin ! 
 
 Now, first of all, your royal highness sees 
 
 The Bounding Sister of the Pyrenees. 
 
 " Grand Pas," by Madame Aurioi. and Ladies of the Corps 
 
 DE Ballet. 
 
 King. Well, Zorahayda, what think you of this. 
 ZoRAH. The whole pei"formance, pa, is not amiss: 
 
 But don't you think those Christians you o'erthrew, 
 
 Could give us something rational and new ? 
 
 Oh, do papa, let them supply their skill. 
 Princesses. Oh ! do, papa. 
 KiKG. Well, as you wish, I will 
 
 Hussein, unlock the knights, and let us see 
 
 If in them, any talent there may be. 
 
 {Music — ^^ Dusty Boh and African Sal;") Hussein ffices the 
 signal; street mvsic of drum and pandean pipes; the three. 
 Knights enter in chains, with their hands over each others 
 slioulders, in the manner of street acrobats ; they bow to the 
 King and then to their audience) 
 
 ZoR. My one, how elegant ! 
 ZoRAH. And mine how tall. 
 
 Zay. And my dear little man, the best of all. 
 King. Sons of burnt fathers say, what can you do? 
 
 To save your heads. 
 Rrr. I know not, for these two. 
 
 They're doubtless ready in their several lines. 
 
 To stoop to make sport for the Philistines. 
 
 For me, with your fair sister Zorayda, 
 
 If Tve her pa's consent, I'll dance a pas. 
 Hc.s. All impudence this Christian coolness flogs ! 
 
 Shall Moorish maids stand up with dancing dogs? 
 King. Bismillah ! peace, 1 say, you canting knave, 
 
 Or I'll — unlock the fetters of tlie slave. 
 Hus. Mctliinks if they must dance before their betters, 
 
 They might tip us a hornpipe in their fetters,
 
 22 THE ALHAMBRA. 
 
 " Pas de Deux" Rupekt and Zorayda, assisted Ij Ojrp* de 
 
 Ballet. 
 
 Jvixc; Now, you two hulking fellows, let us know 
 
 What yoit can do for us, that's apropos ? 
 Ues. We're warriors— can draw bows of any length, 
 
 We'll show you feats— 
 Toby. I may say hands of strength. 
 
 Eup. Ladies and gentlemen, with j^our permission, 
 
 We'll represent our famous exhibition. 
 
 Professor Desperado and his brother, 
 
 Will show their daring feats to one another. 
 
 From which the appellation they have won, 
 
 Of the two Bounding Bricks of Babylon. 
 
 Now make a ring, gents, if you please for me, 
 
 Stand back you boys and let the ladies' see. 
 
 The Farnham Hercules will be the first, 
 
 {statue music; business of hreuldiuj chains) 
 
 ]5y human force alone the bonds are burst. 
 
 Observe ! there's no deception ! 
 Hcs. Bravo, Eousc ! 
 
 King. Silence, you slave, keep quiet as a mouse. 
 Eup. Encourage the performance, if you please, 
 
 We've pose plastiques more wonderful than these. 
 
 Things that you've never seen surpassed my masters, 
 
 Gents, don't forget to pitch in the Piasters. 
 
 We've had shy business in the Moorish towns, 
 
 And are not proud — come gents, a shower of browns. 
 
 {aside to Toby) It ain't worth much, so cut it short— (aloud) 
 Next scene, 
 
 The Persian Pyramids of Turnham-green. 
 
 {statue music — business v:ith chairs, lOc.) 
 
 The jungle lion-hunters, if you please, 
 
 As shewn last year before the Nepaulese. 
 Des. Come, give us a back — ah, that's the time of day, 
 
 Tuck in your twopenny — all right ? 
 ToisY. Yes. 
 
 Des. Play ! 
 
 {Music, " Dusty Bob," Desperado jum^s over Toby's back— picture) 
 
 JIus. Very good {applauding) 
 
 King, Silence, presumptuous worm — the thing's a bore. 
 
 We've seen much better in the streets before. 
 
 Come, give us a set-to, dogs ! 
 IJes. Oh, dear, no, 
 
 The prize ring now is voted very low. 
 Ill p. But if you wish for battles' mook alanns 
 
 We'll shew what's now called a grand assaut d^armes. 
 JJes. Use of the foils, with souls above a button, 
 
 Severization of the leg of mutton.
 
 THE ALHAMBKA. 23 
 
 ToBV. \Vith legs of mtitton when I go to work, 
 
 I don't nse swords, I take a knife and fork. 
 Des. Your three best knights to try their skill we dare. 
 ToBV. No ; two -n-ill do. I'll stand and see all fair. 
 
 (ffives sit/nal; trumpet; two Moorish Officers step forward) 
 King. Now for Granada's honoar, meet this pack — 
 
 {to Officers) When they're not looking, stick them in the 
 back. (Husseix hands sticks) 
 
 Set me the stoups of drink npon the tablCj 
 And if to beat these Giaours we are able. 
 The king shall drink bad luck to these vile pups ; 
 Hussein, dost hear me slave ? Fill me the cups. 
 And let the kettle to the trumpet bellow. 
 The ti-iimpet to the first violincello : 
 The violincello to the violin. 
 And that to Mr. Hughes — now then, begin , 
 fa combat of four to the Valze d'' Amour; at the end the 
 Knights strilce the Moors down. 
 Kino. In the wrong box I fear our fiiends have got ; 
 
 Up guards and at 'em, spifflicate the lot. 
 . [the Moorish Guards itrepare to rush on them — Zorah.wda 
 rushes in the middle tvith her lute. 
 
 ZuHAH. Ha! is it so? To save my Cliristian 3-outh 
 
 Now is the time. I'll see if the lyre speaks tiixth I 
 
 liir. They're chloroformed like those in public places, 
 
 \Mio've pocket-handkerchiefs thrust in their faces. 
 
 (begins to play on lute — everyhodii stands transfixed; they form 
 an avenue, through lohich the Knights and Princesses puss; 
 Hussein and Kadiga ; vain attempts of Toby to carry Zayda ; 
 business tvith Monlxy, and the scene closes) 
 
 SCENE YL-^TuE Hall of Judgment. 
 
 Enter Hussein. 
 
 Hus. {confidentially to the audience) I just stepped back because 
 I'd stowed away 
 A small sly bag against a rainy day, 
 And mean to cany with me my collection — 
 For just now, I don't think much of protection. {trumpet) 
 Here comes the king, and looking most maliciou-s — 
 I never saw a party half so vicious. 
 
 Enter Guards and the King. 
 
 Kino. Fathers make straws your children. Can I ever 
 Suiwivc my disobedient girls. No, never. 
 Alas! I would have cut them off— but they 
 Cut off theuiselves — and all three in a day. 
 My tears have drowned my spirits with their waters! 
 What siiull I do ? My daughters ! oh, my daughters.
 
 24: THE ALHAMI3RA. 
 
 Hus. I think some soothing word I ouglit to say — ■ 
 
 Take comfort, sir, and hope a better day. 
 King. Who can at Wolverton drink hot tea up, 
 
 By thinking of a Blackwall cyder cup ! 
 
 Or in a frost a third-class carriage try, 
 
 By thoughts of omnibusses in July, 
 line Your majesty, the business of the nation 
 
 May perhaps alleviate your irritation. 
 
 {takes out petitions from pocket) 
 
 Most extraordinary and unconscious king, 
 
 Your miserable subjects dare to bring 
 
 A few petitions to your royal door, 
 
 And your unusual clemency implore. 
 Kino. Well, hand them up — when I have heard the missions 
 
 They'll find the usual fate of all petitions, 
 lit;*. This, sire, is a request to do away 
 
 With all the taxes that the people pay — 
 
 Especially on hats — too hardly dealt. 
 King. A tax on hats, go tell them, musthe felt. 
 Hus. A tax on books, great king, the authors say 
 
 Will benefit them, taken right away. 
 King. Pooh, stutt'and nonsense, tell the scribbling quacks 
 
 I won't take off their pen and ink'eni tax. 
 Hus. The tax on cari"iages they wish to go, 
 
 Affecting as it does both wheel and wo. 
 King. I say it shan't, and if to pay they grudge it, 
 
 I'll double every one, in my next budget, 
 
 And turn the world quite inside out, 1 swear, 
 
 Like that Wyld monster globe in Leicester-square. 
 
 Enter Captain. 
 
 Well, who are you? Speak out, sir, what's the row? 
 ('apt. Our troops, great king, have been, and done it now. 
 
 Ere from the palace heights they had descended. 
 
 Your daughters and their knights were apprehended. 
 King. Order three stout bowstrings their necks to lash on. 
 
 Also three ladies' sacks, the latest fashion. 
 
 JSxii Captain. 
 
 Hus. As poor Tom Hood once said, the joke's not mine, 
 
 They soon will be enhsted in the line. 
 King. Now shall these dogs of Christians pay their losses, 
 
 In this unlucky game of noughts and crosses. 
 
 Enter frigldened Officer. 
 
 Off. Sire, a wild horde of vagabond crusaders 
 
 Have joiu'd Grenada's infidel invaders. 
 King. Then beat them back and make no further fuss. 
 Off. Sire, we would do so, but they've beaten us. Exit.
 
 THE ALHAMBRA. 25 
 
 H vs. I'll pack the gold up from the royal store, 
 
 And quickly bolt with it, by the back door. Exit, r. h. 
 
 Enter Captain. 
 
 CvpT. Great King, by sudden floods and fall of waters, 
 
 The Christian army's driven from its quarters. 
 King. Then haste at once and put the miscreants downi. 
 
 Exit Captain, 
 
 Enter frightened Officer. 
 
 Off. Its all U. P., they've got into the town. 
 
 King. Then take thou that, till thou bring better news, 
 
 {JcnocJcs him doicn ; he scrambles off) 
 
 Now, who comes next my senses to confuse. 
 
 Enter Captain. 
 
 Capt. The Christians come, great King, with whip and rowel, 
 To make of their intent a frank avowal. 
 Our gates are hard — their cannon balls arc harder ; 
 They'll give its granade and take Granada. 
 King. Out on ye owls — I still remain imshaken. 
 
 Exit Captain. 
 Enter frightened Officer. 
 
 < )f F. My liege, the Duke of Buckingham is taken. 
 Kr.Nr;. The Duke of Buckingham! What's that you say? 
 
 You stupid ass, that's in another play. Exit Officer 
 
 Now by the prophet's holy stone of Mecca, 
 And by the last zccchin in our excliequer, 
 Allien once these Christians on our walls have got 
 There'll be some some one to pay, and no pitch hot. 
 
 Exit King and Guards. 
 
 {Drums, trumpets, akirumn, artillery; the siege of the ALHAUBnx 
 begins; the Chkistian Troops p>>Hr in on all sides; general 
 conflict; theMocnis are driven to each side; the icings change to 
 fortifications; the hack draivs a>cay and discovers the port of 
 Cadiz, the front of the scene, icings, d-c, forming the harbour; 
 the Moors appear on the toicers ; numbers of jjeojyle are painted 
 on the distant scene; a large ship comes on, with the Knights 
 and Princesses on board) 
 
 Finale hy the CnARACTEKs, amidst salvoes of artillery and tJie chorut 
 of the midtitude. Air — '■'■Roberto le Dicible." 
 
 If our follies have offended 
 
 Ere the sliadows disappear, 
 Think of this and all is mended, 
 
 'Twas but to promote your cheer. 
 
 2'. Sell, Printer, ffanvkk Court, Holhorn. 
 
 B
 
 "l
 
 F p R T U N I 0, 
 
 AND HIS 
 
 SEVEN GIFTED SERVANTS, 
 
 ^ J^atrg ©rtratJagan^a, 
 
 FOUNDED ON THE POPULAR NURSERY TALE BY THE 
 
 COUNTESS D'ANOIS, 
 
 AND DRAMATIZED BY 
 
 J. R. PLANCHE, Esq., 
 
 AUTHOR OF 
 
 TAe Sleeping Beauty, Beauty and the Beast, The White Cat, 
 
 Correctly Printed from the Prompt Book, with 
 Esits, Entrances, &,c. 
 
 FIRST PERFORMED AT THE 
 THEATRE &OVAI., DRVRV 1.ANE, 
 
 On EASTER MONDAY, AprU I7th, 1843. 
 
 LONDON: 
 Published bt G. BERGER, Holywell Street, Strand. 
 
 18 4 3. 
 
 — — 
 
 PRICE SIXPENCE.
 
 DRAMATIS PERSONS. 
 
 THE PROCI.AMATXOM. 
 
 Baron Dunover, - (a Nobleman in difficidties) - IHr. M. BARNETT 
 
 Honorable JUss Pertina, (his Eldest Daughter) Mrs. NEWCOMBE 
 
 Honorable Miss Flirtina, - (his Second Daughter) - Miss ELLIS 
 
 Honorable Miss Mjrtina, (his Youngest Daughter, assuming 
 
 the name and arms of Fortunio) - - Miss P. HORTON 
 
 Herald, Mr. S. JONES 
 
 The Fairy Favourable, (Elfin dueen and Lady Patroness) Mrs. SEARLE 
 
 Jions.Bmnble(aVrood Bee Colinet.Conductorof the Band)MasterBUZB Y 
 
 Comrade, - (a learned Horse) - By a REAL ARABIAN 
 
 THB SEVEN GirXES) SERVASTTS. 
 
 Strongback, . - ... Mr. HOWELL 
 
 Lightfoot, - - - - - Mr. C. J. SMITH 
 
 Mai-ksman, - - . . . Mr. BENDER 
 
 Fine-ear, ... ... Mr. HANCE 
 
 Boisterer, ....... Mr. MELLON 
 
 Gormand, Mr. T. MATTHEWS 
 
 Tippler, Mr. YARNOLD 
 
 THE PRESENTATION. 
 
 King Alfourite, (sumamed the Amiable, a perfect specimen 
 
 of the " suaviter in modo,") ... Mr. HUDSON 
 
 Princess Vindicta, (Half-Sister to King Alfourite, " a little 
 
 more than kin, and much less than kind,") - Mrs. C. JONES 
 
 Prime Minister, ..... Mr. WALDRON 
 
 Lord in Waiting, Mr. GILBEIGH 
 
 Florida, - (Lady in Waiting on the Princess) - Mrs. A. WIG AN 
 
 Page, Mr. HARCOURT 
 
 The Dragon, ...--. Mr. STILT 
 
 Citizen, Mr. ELLIS 
 
 THE ESIBASSV. 
 
 Emperor Matapa, (sumamed the Merciless, Cousin to the 
 
 Great Bear, &c. a terrible sample of the " fortiter in re,") Mr. SELBY 
 
 Princess Volante, (hisdaughter— a high-mettled racer) Miss WEBSTER 
 
 Grand Chamberlain, .... Mr. ROBERTS 
 
 Captain of the Guard, .... Mr. STANTON
 
 TO 
 
 "HER MAJESTY'S (GIFTED) SERVANTS," 
 
 Those Members of the late 
 
 DRURY LANE COMPANY, 
 
 By whose exei'tions 
 
 THIS PIECE 
 
 (OF nonsense) 
 
 HAS ACHIEVED SUCH WONDERS, 
 
 IT IS NOW 
 
 Most respectfully inscribed 
 
 THE AUTHOR. 
 
 Brompton Crescent, 
 July 6th, 1843.
 
 FORTUIsnO. 
 
 ACT I. 
 
 Scene 1. — A Market Cross, (r 2 gr.) Cn one side, the 
 House and Garden of Baron Dunover. (l.) 
 
 Heralds and Popidace discovered. Baron Dukover and 
 his Three Daughters, (l.) — Grand Flourish. 
 
 Her. [l.] Kins Alfourite thus maketh proclamation — 
 Whereas, without ihe slightest provocation, 
 Tiie Emperor Matapa, in two battles. 
 Has drubb'd our troops and stole our goods and 
 
 chattels. 
 It is decreed, that fortbwith every man, 
 Who has got arms shall bear them if he can ; 
 And if he can't, he must produce the stumpy, 
 And not by no manner of means look grumpy. 
 Turn out, or fork out — fight or pay you must ! 
 Up with your banners, or down with your dust. 
 Before the throne your purse or person fling, 
 Within three days — unless you wish to swing! 
 A special edict — so " long live the King !" 
 
 CRORVS.— ("Norma:') 
 
 People. Well ! if this isn't a precious go. 
 
 We should be glad what«s to know; _^J 
 
 Fight or be fined, unless you've a mind 
 Just to be hang'd for treason I 
 Pray, sir, excuse the liberty, 
 But is not this some joke ? 
 
 Herald No! 
 
 Soon you will find 'tis Ilobson's choice 
 Brave \'olunteers — you 7nust enroll! 
 Or pay your Outv to the King — 
 So settle which yoiJ please oq.
 
 FORTUNIO. 
 
 Prnple. Well, I'd as .soon be hang'd as fall, 
 Figlitino- for any reason ! 
 So to secure his capital, 
 Wl- Inu^t reduce owr own, 
 
 [Exeunt Herald, Cr.) and Populacp.. (l.) 
 Manent the Baron and his Daughters. 
 
 Baron. What's lo be done? Alas! the heavy day! 
 Too o d to light and much too po irto pay, 
 Bear arms I can't — -indeed, opposed to strife, 
 I never could bear arms in all my lite ! 
 A lender youth, the ta?k of drilling' bored me — 
 A carpet knight, the least exertion floored me! 
 A cripple now, to c 'Uit I can't stump down. 
 And to stump up, 1 h.ivu't half-a-crown. 
 1 have no son ray substitute to be — 
 My family consists of daughters three, 
 Al; grown up girIs,whose fortunes are theircharms> 
 So that I havn't e'en a child in arms ! 
 tJow to 'scape hanging — hang me if I know! 
 
 Myri. My dearest father, pray don't take on so; 
 Meet like a man your fortune, good or ill! 
 Or if you can't, why then your daughter will ! 
 
 Pert, What ! like a 7nan? 
 
 Myrt. Aye, sister, like a man ! 
 
 The only way that help him now I can. 
 A coat and waistcoat I intend to sport, 
 And be my father's deputy at court. 
 
 Pert. You? 
 
 Flirt. You ? 
 
 Baron. With gratitude I'm almost mute ! 
 
 What daughter! you bfcome my substitute? 
 
 Pert. But should they make you figh' ? [Crosses to her. 
 
 Myrt. To fight I'm willmg — 
 
 I've oft been told that I look very killing. 
 
 Flirt. You storm a fortiess? [Crosses to her. 
 
 Pert. Or besiege a town? 
 
 Myrt, Before one I can easily sit down. ^ 
 
 Baro\. i^ou mount a b.each ? 
 
 Myrt. Oh, sir, experience teaches — 
 
 I mean at once to mount a pair of breeches ! 
 
 L-aron Intrepid girl! 
 
 Pert. But should your courage fail ? 
 
 Myrf. To keep it up, I'll thmk of Lady Sale! 
 
 Pert. \ande?^ So, so — t^ut two can play, miss, at this earn . 
 Whv should this forward clut have ali the fain-,. ?
 
 FORTUNIO. 
 
 I'm quite as bold as she is I'll be bmuid, 
 And will shew legs with her for twenty poiind ! 
 Flirt, [asidel In male attire should I not cat a figure .' 
 I'm laller than .Myrtina--aye, and bigger! 
 I don't much fancy handling swurd or dagger, 
 But I'd engage as li^e a man lo swagger! 
 Pert, [^aside.] To get a suit, I'll paw-c t'e table spoons! 
 
 [Exit into house, -. i .) 
 Flirt. [(tside.'\ I'll s^jout the tea-poi, ana bay pantaloon- ! 
 
 [Ejcit. 
 Baron, [to Mi/rt.] Fortune your filial piety will bless, 
 
 But what, my darling;, will you do for dress? 
 JMi/rt. ^Vhy there's your old court-suit, papa, you know, 
 All the ^old lace was stripp'd ofi' long ago, 
 But still the cloth's not much the worse for wear. 
 And there's enough of it, and some to spare! 
 Grant me that suit. 
 Baron. Your suit ;.s- granted — you 
 
 Sb.all have my sword — that's quite as good as new 
 For I have never drawn it since I bought it ! 
 Yes — once by chance — when 'twixt my legs I 
 caught it. 
 Mt/rt. Talking or legs — you'll add your boots ot' course? 
 Baron. Yes, and my spurs — would I could add, my hoise. 
 Myrt. So of 30ur wardr^'be givr m^ quick the key. 
 
 [BARON^i'yifs key, and Myht. enters house and 
 returns with the suit, ichich the bAiiON ex- 
 amifies during his solo. The Baron's line 
 and the Symphony to the Duet giving 
 time enough. 
 Boron. How dull without her this old house will be. 
 
 DUET. — Baron and Myrtina. 
 
 Air, — '■^Roic gently, here, my Gondolier." 
 
 Baron. When you, my dear, 
 Are gone, dull here 
 
 The days will seem to glide ; 
 But let us hear, 
 By post, my dear, 
 
 ^^'hate'ei may you betide. 
 My d'lublet take, [aside] 'Tis quite as well, 
 
 The skirts ae gene, I see : 
 For now no tuii< u has lo tell 
 
 Of where it went with me!
 
 8 FOHTUNIO. 
 
 Myrtina. Now, rpsl tViee here, -o 
 
 My father dear, 
 
 Hush ! hush ! for up I go, 
 To put a \\%hX 
 Silk pair of litjht 
 
 Etcaeteras on helow. 
 Oh, if 1 look, in male attire, 
 
 But half as well as he 
 I saw one night dance on the wire^ 
 
 What an angel 1 sliall be ? 
 
 [Exeunt into hoxise, (l) 
 
 Scene 2. — The Fairies' Haunt. A Picturesque Glen. 
 Fairies discovered dancing a Quadrille. {'^ Le Dcinois.") 
 A Fairy Band, a la Colinet, seated on one side, on a 
 hunk, and on the other the Queen of the Fairies 
 attended. 
 
 CHORHS. 
 
 To the Quadrille, "Z,e Danois." 
 
 Here in our human shape, 
 
 We pass the summer day quadrilling, 
 Like mortals, whom we ape, 
 
 Into the fashion falling. 
 [ No more in "Fairy Ring" 
 
 Would well-bred Fay to dance be willing; 
 " Grande Ronde" is now the thing — 
 
 When such a figure calling, 
 Here, 'tis "Pastorale," 
 "La Trenise," "Finale," 
 All "L'Ete," 
 'Tis "Balancez," 
 Or "Promenade," till Pistolet 
 Pops off— and olT pop we — 
 To music thrilling. 
 Led by the humming bee, 
 Our Elfin Colinet ! 
 Fairy. Break ofT!— my fairy nose a mortal smells ! 
 Creep into acorn-cups and cowslip-bells! 
 Make yourselves scarce ! 
 
 [Music. Fairies disperse and vanish into 
 fioicers, Sfc. — one sticks fast. 
 
 How now, you clumsy lout! 
 Is that the way you pull a flower about? 
 A pretty fairy 'pon my word ! Pray who 
 D'ye think's to sleep ia that rose after you?
 
 FORTUNIO. V 
 
 Crumpling the leaves in this untidy way! 
 
 [Putting them to rights. 
 Now, get you in, you naughty naughty fa> ! 
 
 [Beating him. 
 And here — whose wing is this? Pray fold it up ! 
 You can't be cramp'd for room sure in that cup I 
 I'm quite asham'd of you, 1 do declare, 
 You're not a morsel like the elves you were, 
 But that your dress from common habits varies, 
 No soul on earth could fancy you were fairies ! 
 As I'm your queen, by my stop watch, i've 
 
 teckon'd — 
 You've ta'en to vanish, more than half a second! 
 Who is't that comes? — a ^'u\ in male attire ! 
 She needs my aid — does she deserve't — I'll try hf^r. 
 [Music. Fairy Queen retires behind trees. 
 
 Enter Pertina in Boi/s clothes, (u.e.r.) 
 Pert. Of Miss Myrtina I have got the start — 
 I feel coiivmc'd that I can play my part! 
 In dress and manner I am quite the beau, 
 No one would take me for a girl, I know ! 
 
 [Music. Trees open and discover Fairy Queen 
 dressed as an old Shepherdess bending over 
 some broken gvound. 
 Fairy. Oh dear, oh dear!— what shall I do ? — oh dear! 
 Pert. Heyday ! — why what old beldame have we here? 
 Fairy. Oh, noble sir, for you can be no less, 
 
 Help an old woman who's in great distress 
 My lamb has fallen into this ditch, and I 
 Can't get it out — help me, or it will die ! 
 
 [Jidvances. 
 Pert. I help to pull a sheep out of a ditch? 
 
 D'ye take me for a butcher you old witch! 
 Fairy. J take you for a pert, hard-hearted girll 
 
 Oh; you need not your false moustaches twirl ! 
 You feign to be a man — why, who with eyes 
 Could fail to see through such a poor disguise ? 
 Pert, [aside^ Discover'd ! — >hame! — I'll try to bluster — 
 
 [Aloud.} Zoons! 
 Fairy. Oh, com<^ — no airs — who pawn'd her father's 
 spoons ? [?'£.m. shrieks and runs out, ( 1 e.u.) 
 Ha, ha, ha, ha! I ihiiik that was a twister! 
 Another step — aye — this must be a sister. [^I/kszc. 
 Enter Flirtina, (u.e.r.h.) 
 Flirt. I've stolen out by the back-floor — what sport ! 
 In this dress I shall cut out ail the court
 
 10 FORTUNIO. 
 
 Fairy. Alack-a-day ! — alack-a-day ! 
 
 Fiirt. How now? 
 
 What do you mean by makirg such a row ? 
 Fairy, Oh, sir, my lamb has fallen into this pool ! 
 
 And will be drowned! 
 Flirt. Well — serve you right old fool, 
 
 Why don't you take more care? 
 Fairy. Alack, good youth, 
 
 Lend me a helping hand. [./Sdva7ices. 
 
 Flirt. Who, /, forsooih ? 
 
 Do I look like a clown for such work fit ? 
 
 [Looks at her legs. 
 Fairy. You look like what you are — a vain young chit, 
 
 A silly girl, as any one can see. 
 Flirt, [aside.] Provoking! — can they really ? It can't be! 
 
 [./^loud]. Harkye, old hag — 
 Fairy. Take care what you're about, 
 
 Who put her father's tea-pot up the spout? 
 
 [Flirt, shrieks and runs out, (1 e. r.) 
 
 Ha, ha, ha, ha! So much for 'tother! — >t;n — 
 
 Here com^s a third — let's hear what she will s-iy. 
 
 [Music] E7iter My RTi-N A, fu.E.R.) 
 
 Myrt. This is the road I think — I hope to aet 
 
 Clear of this wood before the sun shall set, 
 Or wicked wags will sneer, and say, -Jelijihied, 
 A would-be knight was in a wood benighled,^ 
 So let me speed. 
 
 Fairy. O dear, what shall I do ? 
 
 Myrt. Hey-day, some poor old soul, in trouble too ! 
 I can't pass on and leave her sobbing so; 
 What is the n.atter, Goody, may I know ? 
 
 Fairy. Bless thy kind heart, yoLuig man; ray pretty sheep 
 Has fallen into the water. 
 
 Myrt. Well, don't weep. 
 
 'Tis still alive ; and I have little doubt. 
 By hook or crook, that we can get it out. 
 Here, lend a iiand. [A chord. 
 
 Fairy, [o.ppeuring in her oicn shape] I will, but it >ball be 
 lo iielp you, charming tirl. as you would me. 
 Be not alarmed, I am your (riend, sweet maid, 
 Although discovered you are not betrayed. 
 I know your errr.nd, and its motive pure, 
 And will assist your fortune to secure. 
 Of many things [ see you stand m neefl : 
 A better wardrobe, and a gallant steed. 
 
 [Stamps. Music. A leather trunk rises.
 
 FORTUNIO. 11 
 
 Lo, in this Turkey leather trunk you'll find 
 
 Cash, jewels, arms, and dresses to your mind ; 
 
 You've but to stamp, wherever \ou may be, 
 
 And at your feet this trunk you're sure to see. 
 
 Now for a horse. 
 
 [Waves her wand. Music. Part of the wood 
 opens, and discovers a horse, richly caparisoned. 
 Behold one in a irice, 
 
 Perfect in all his paces, free from vice, 
 
 And warranted to carry a lady ; never, 
 
 In fairy land, was known a horse so clever. 
 
 He knows all things, past, present, and to come, 
 
 And eats but once a week ! 
 Myrt. The poor dear dumb — 
 
 Fairy, Dumb ! — he can speak ; wliole sentences can say, 
 
 Whilst common steeds can only utter "Nay." 
 
 Taught elocution by a necromancer, 
 
 No horse your purpose half so well could answer. 
 Myrt. Well, I have oft heard mention of a stalking horse, 
 
 But never till this hour of a talking horse. 
 
 Pray, may 1 ask what name he answers to? 
 Fairy. Comrade. 
 
 Myrt. Dear Comrade, tell me how d'ye do. 
 
 Horse. I'm pretty well, I thank ye ; how are you ? 
 Myrt. Charming! delightful! what articulation ! 
 
 Without the slightest li^p or hesitation ! 
 
 I should have thought a horse had spoken hoarser. 
 Fairy. His language is not course, tliough he's a courser. 
 
 And, apropos of names, your own should be 
 
 FoRTUNio, since you've a friend in me. 
 Fort. Of proper names 'twould be the one most proper; 
 
 But who is that man yonder, with a chopper.^ 
 Ffdry. A woodman, who cuts down five hundred trees 
 
 And carries them upon his back, with ease. 
 
 You'd better hire him. 
 Fort. Surely, if I can. [Music. 
 
 £'n^e?-STR0NGBACK, (l.) 
 
 Harkye, d'ye want a porter's place, young ir.an ? 
 
 Strong. 1 don't much mind. What wages, sir, give you? 
 
 Fort. Whate'er you please. 
 
 Strong. Well— I think— that will do. 
 
 Fort. To carry messages you won't refuse ? 
 
 Strong. I'll carry anything on earth you choose. 
 
 Fort. Your name is — 
 
 Strnng, Strongback. 
 
 Fo.t iitrongback, you're my man.
 
 12 FORTUNIO. 
 
 Strong. Your carrier pigeon or your Pickford's van. 
 Fairy. Here comes anoliier gilted fellow. 
 Fort. Prayi 
 
 Why has he tied his legs in that queer way ? 
 Fairy. Because his speed is swifter than the wind ; 
 
 And when he hunts he leaves the game behind, 
 
 Unless with ribbons he his legs can fetter. 
 Fort. Shall 1 engage him ? 
 Fairy. You can't do better. \^Music. 
 
 ^wZer LiGHTFOOT (r. 2 E.), Iiis legs tiedirith ribbons. 
 Fort. Young man, I want a running footman, say — 
 
 Will you take service.'' 
 Light. Yes, and bless the day, 
 
 For I'm in great distress. 
 Fort. How came you so ? 
 
 Light, [ii'hispering'] Outran the constable; lived /as/, you 
 
 know. 
 Fo7't. Well, you shall liave a quarter in advance. 
 Light. Oh, sir, to serve you I'd run any chance. 
 Fairy. Yonder's a rnan who may be useful, too. 
 Fort. Why does he bind his eyes ? 
 Fairy. The less to view. 
 
 His name is Marksman, and whene'er he fires, 
 
 He kills more game than any one requires ; 
 
 For objects full five leagues off he can see. 
 Fort. Oh dear, but that may very avvkwatd be; 
 
 I'm bound for Court, you know, and who can tell 
 
 What mischief he may make, who sees so well ? 
 Fairy. Oh, but he never talks of what he sees ; 
 
 He's too sharp-sighted. 
 Fort. Then my mind's at ease. [Music 
 
 Enter Marksman, (l.) 
 
 An archer blindfold, why you must be Cupid ! 
 Marks. Indeed, sir, I'm not anything so stupid. 
 Fort, [aside to Y M?.^'\ "Sir!" He can't see that I'm a 
 
 girl, that's clear. 
 Fairy, [aside'] He can ; but sees you wouldn't one appear. 
 Fort. Well, as your sight's so good, pray can you see 
 
 Any objection, friend, to serving me? 
 Marks, [taking bandage from eyes] None in the least. 
 Fort. Then we're agreed. And now 
 
 [to Fairy] Madam, I'll make you my most grateful bow. 
 Fairy. Stay, you have but three servants. 
 Fort. Need I more? 
 
 Fairy. You must have seven ; here come the other four
 
 FORTUNIO.' 15 
 
 The first, wlio on the ground himself is thr-wincr^ 
 Has ears so fine he hears what orass is griwin-T. 
 
 [R. 2 .:] 
 
 Fort. He's still more dangerous, unless discreeter; 
 So good a watch may make a bad repeater. 
 Fairy. O vou may trust him. There's the second, blowing 
 To set yon mills, full six miles off, a-going. [k.Ie. 
 Fort. A famous fellow he, the wind to raise, 
 
 So often done by puffing, now-a-days. [^Music. 
 Enter Fine-ear ««<^ Boisterer, (l.) 
 Fairy. These other two will make your suite complete ; 
 One any given quantity can eat, 
 Tlie other drink the sea dry, if you please. 
 Fort. Mercy ! and ought I to engage both these? 
 Fairy, You'll want them. 
 Foi't. ^'^'ell, they'll be expensive pages ; 
 
 I think I'd better put them on board wages. [Music. 
 Enter GoRMAtiDandTipPLE.R (l.), 4' are engaged by Fort 
 Fairy. For each you'll find a sumptuous hvery 
 
 Withm thi? trunk. 
 Fort. Indeed ; but where's the key.^ 
 
 Fairy. In Comrade's ear you'll see a ribbon green. 
 Fort. \Jinding if] I've got it. 
 
 \_Opens trunk, and Servants take out liveries and a 
 rich dress for YoRTVyio, sirord, jewels, S;c. 
 during chorus. 
 Fairy. Now to Court — see — and be seen ! 
 
 [_Music. Fairies re-appear in all directions. 
 
 CHORtS. 
 Speed, mortal, speed! Seven soon will chime, 
 You'll just arrve in pudding time ! 
 
 [A Blink on one side changes to a Car. in ivhic 
 the Fairy Q'leen ascends, and as Fortun!o 
 puts his foot in the stirrup to mount the horse the 
 scene closes on the TableiM. 
 
 Scene 3.— CHAMBER IN THE PALACE OF KING 
 
 ALFOURITE. (1 gr.) 
 Enter King, leading the Princess, (i;.), attended by his 
 Minister, a Lord in Waiting, and Flohida, Ladrfs 
 Muid to /he Vri^cess. 
 King. Hang out our banners on the outward walls ! 
 
 The cry is still they come. 
 P'ln. Yet no one calls, 
 
 Even to say they can't com«. , 
 
 A^'«w- Not a soul 
 
 B
 
 14 FORTUNIO. 
 
 Has yet appeared, who will his name enroll, 
 Nor who will pay his money; all hanjj back. 
 Prin. They should all hing together, in a crack. 
 King. Hang all my subjects ! that would be too cruel. 
 
 We must have patience. 
 Prin. Yes, and water gruel. 
 
 For that 'twill come to. Neither men nor money 
 To carry on the war! A mighty funny 
 Figure you'll cut ! Oh, Minister of State, 
 How long d'ye think a monarch ought to wait 
 Before he puts himself into a passion. 
 When he's fobb'd off in this rebellious fasliion ? 
 Minis. Madam, I think his Gracious Mijesty 
 
 Is far too patient. 
 Prin. So do I — 
 
 Lord. And I — 
 
 Flor. And I. If I were you, my Royal liege. 
 
 The very lives out of the rogues I'd squeeze ! 
 King. That would be screwing them a deal too Tight. 
 
 No, no, you're all four wrong, I'm Al-fuur-ite! 
 Prin. Aye, joke, that's right, whilst ruin's o'er you 
 hovering; 
 You'll change your note, sir, when they change 
 their sovereign. 
 King. Let's change the subject, if not your opinions. 
 Prin. I'd hang the rebels up in strings. 
 Flor. Like inions ! 
 
 King. My people are my children. 
 Prin. Yes, and purely 
 
 You'll spoil them. 
 King. Better than despoil them, surely. 
 
 In short, the proclamation was too strong. 
 Prin. Too weak, in short, as you will find ere long. 
 King. Patience, I say. Still hope I fondly nourish. 
 Prin. Nothing within your re^dni will ever flourish. 
 
 {^Trumpet tcitliout, (l.) 
 King. D'ye call that nothing.^ Sure, that flourished 
 bravely. 
 
 Enter a Page, (l.) 
 
 Good news,or bad, that thoucom'st in so gravely ? 
 Page. Fortunio, a young and noble knight. 
 
 Craves audience of the great Kmg Alfourite. 
 Ki?ig. Desire the gentleman to walk up stairs. 
 Prin. • " Walk up!'' — such jargon showmen u^e, at fairs. 
 
 [Cross to R.
 
 FORTUNIO. 
 
 16 
 
 \_To Page] Let him approach. Ex^t Page, (l.) 
 
 Consider, sir, your state. 
 KiTicr. I do, and think it very bad, of late. 
 Prin. You're so undignified! J blush foryou. [Cross l. 
 King. Sister, you've dignity enough for two. 
 
 Enter Fortunio, richly attired. 
 
 Flor. [aside] Oh. Geminy ! Oh tcMt a nice young man ! 
 
 [To Prin.] Look, Madam. 
 Prin. I am, looking through my fan. 
 
 Fort, [kneeling'] Sire, for my father 'tis my humble wish, a 
 
 Substitute, to serve in your militia 
 King, [raising him] Most sensible of your polite attention 
 
 Do you take snuff ? [Offering pinch. 
 
 Fort, [aside] Amazing condescension 1 
 
 King. Fine weather — 
 Fort, [bowing] Very. 
 
 King. '~ Have you seen the comet ? 
 
 Fort. No, sire. [^st£?e] But feel as if I'd just dropp'd 
 
 from it. 
 Prin. [to Flor.] Oh Florida, I'm captivated quite! 
 
 In all my days I ne'er saw such a knight. 
 Flor. [aside] The finest knight that ever I did see. 
 
 ]f she's in love with him, good night to me. 
 Fort, [aside] I've lost my heart, as sure as anything ! 
 
 I never saw a king so good \ooking. 
 King, [aaide] No age could ever boast a youth so pretty; 
 
 That ke is not a girl 'tis quite a pity. 
 
 If I could find a fair one half so fair, 
 
 I'd marry her to-moirow, t declare. 
 Prin. Brother, I'm sure you couldn't have the heart 
 
 To see this stripling to the wars depart. 
 
 He's much too young and handsome. [To Fort, 
 Vou shall be 
 
 Groom of the Bedchamber, Sir Knight, to me. 
 Kincr, Nay, he shall office in my household take, 
 
 Fortunio, Loid Treasurer we make. 
 Fort. Lord Treasurer ! for such an office, sure — 
 Minis, [aside to him] Fear not, at present 'tis a sinecure. 
 Fort. Ah! tlien mdeed, if there is nought to do, 
 
 1 may he quite as capable as you. 
 King. Your duty you will learn in half a minute; 
 
 'Tis but to hold a purse — there's nothing in it. 
 J*rin. You'll eat your mutton with us, sir, to-day, 
 King. And crack a bottle in a friendly way.
 
 IG totnvaio. 
 
 Furl. I crack a bottie ! Sire, I'd venture, buf 
 I tear I couldn't, without beiiig cut; 
 And now-adays, save at some public >preacf. 
 Wine's never suffered to get in one's bead. 
 
 King. No, times are changed ; I think it quite pit*vaking 
 Tl^at in loy reign there is so little soaking ! 
 
 SONG.— King. 
 
 Air. — *' Tlie days that we went gipst/ing." 
 
 Oh, the days that we got tipsy in — a long ticne ago, 
 
 "W ere certainly tiie jolliest a man could ever know I 
 
 ^Ve drank champagne from glasses long, and hook from 
 
 [goblets green, 
 An i nothing like a cup of tea was ever to be seen. 
 All night we pass'd the wine, nor dreara'd of hyson or 
 
 [pekoe, 
 In tiie days chat we got tipsy in — a long time ago. 
 
 Oh, those were days of bumper toasts, or salt-and-water 
 
 [fine, 
 Broil'd bones and devil'd biscuits, three-times-three and 
 
 [nine-times-nine! 
 When underneath the table you were bound your guest to 
 
 [land. 
 And no man ro>e to go — till he was sure he could'nt stand ! 
 Tea-totallers we'd none to preach'gainst brandy or bordeaux, 
 III the days that we got tipsy in — a long time ago. 
 
 How changed, alas ! the fashion now— to booze you've 
 
 [scarce begun, 
 AVueu cUUering comes the coffce-tray and all your 
 
 [drinking's done. 
 Or Jolin informs the gentlemen "he's taken up the tea ;" 
 And 'twould be voted vulgar quite, if drunk a man should be. 
 A plague upon such sobsr times — -1 often sigh " Heigho ! " 
 For the days that we got tipsy in — a long time ago. 
 
 \ExitlLi^G, nttendediy Minisier and Li-rd in 
 Waiting Princess (ijsmjsse.) Florida and 
 deto'ns FoRTUNio. 
 
 P/i/i. Stay, gentle youth, and hear a Princess own 
 A secret — for her breast too mighty grown ! 
 Full te ! long tedious minutes have I striven 
 I'o qu-ll the pings by which my heart is riven 
 But such prodigious efforts fail at length - 
 The con.tant struggle is beyond my strength.
 
 IPOBTUNIO. 17 
 
 I love ! nor care though all the world should 
 
 know it; 
 And, in the words of our immortal poet, 
 Exclaim, " If you love me as I love yoa, 
 " No khife shall cut our love in two ! " 
 
 Fort, {aside] Poh — poo 
 
 \_aloud] Madam, respectfully I must decline. 
 
 Prin. D'ye mean to say, then, thai you won't be mine? 
 
 Fort. I am too much beneath your Royal Highness. 
 
 Prin. JViadness! Despa)r! Yet this may be but shyness. 
 
 DUO. — Prikcess and Fortunio. 
 
 Air — " All Clair de la Luney 
 
 Princess. Sir, you can't refuse me, 
 Treason it would be ! 
 
 Fort. Madam, pray excuse me, 
 
 There we don't agree. 
 Hanoi you I can, but 
 
 Wed you — there's the rub! 
 I .im not a marrying man, but 
 I'll name it at the club. 
 Prin. \aside.'\ Yie.d, oh, Love, thy crown up, 
 And thy hearted throne ! 
 In this virgin bosom 
 
 Hate now reigns, alone! 
 If all your hairs were lives, 
 
 Younsr Mr. What.)ou-call, 
 You'll tind my great revenge 
 Has stomach for them all ! 
 Fort, [aside.] If she don't grow more tender, 
 I '-Police'' must call ; 
 That i'm a nice young woman 
 She dou't think at all. 
 
 \Exeuni separ^ tely. 
 
 Scene 4.— COURT- YARD OF PALACE. 
 
 In the centre a large basin of water, with jet d'eau. The 
 Royal Stables, (n .) TlieRoi/al Gardens, (l. ) At back. 
 Terrace, with balustrade, beyond w/iicli is seen the open 
 country. Sunset. 
 
 Bell rings. Enter Fortunio, (l.) 
 
 Fort. There's the fiist dinner beil, as I'ln a sinnc* ; 
 I :.carcely shall luve li.xie lo drtss for diun*r.
 
 18 FORTUNIOi 
 
 Unter Citizens mid Peasantry, mate and female. 
 
 CHORUS.—^/;-, ''The Campbells are comingr 
 
 The dragon is comirid; ! oh ! oh ! oh ! oh ! 
 The dragon is coming ! oh ! oh ! oh ! oh! 
 The dragon is coming' — we really ar'nt humming. 
 The dragon is coming ! oh ! oh ! oh ! oh ! 
 His mouth is wider than any church door, 
 And three miles off you may hear him roar ! 
 ^" The terrible glutton eats men like mutton, 
 
 And hasn't a notion when he should give oVrJ 
 The dragon is coming ! oh ! oh ! oh I oh ! 
 
 Fort. A dragon coming! Mercy on us ! When ? 
 Cit. Most likely, sir, a little after ten ; 
 
 That is about the time he likes to sup. 
 Fort. How pleasant! Has he eaien many up? 
 Cit» Whole parishes, and lick'd them clean as plates ; 
 
 And all the toll-men at the turnpike-gates. 
 
 His monstrous appetite's beyond belief; 
 
 Sir, he has eaten even Tariff beef! 
 
 If you have any doubts, you've but to stay; 
 
 He'll clear 'em all up, if he comes this way. 
 
 Enter King and Princess, attended. 
 
 King. One woe doth tread upon another's heel, 
 
 Uncommon woe distracts the public weal. 
 
 War, of my subjncts has destroyed the best, 
 
 And now a dragon will devour the rest! 
 Prin. \_a8ide'\ Oh vengeance! Now'smytime! [ciloudl 
 No, brother, no ; 
 
 Fortunio has volunteered to go, 
 
 And slay this monster — 
 Fort. I! — Well, did yoH ever? 
 
 Upon my word, I never, no I nevfr ! 
 Prin. He is so modest, it is quite Histressing; 
 
 Indeed, he only wants a little pressing. 
 King. If you would be so kind, upon the nation 
 
 You would confer the greatest obligation ; 
 
 And if, by any chance, I could return — 
 Fort. Sir, that's exactly what I wi^h to leatn. 
 
 If I saw any chance of my returning, 
 
 I shouldn't so much mind — 
 Prin. [taking King to l.] For fame he's burning. 
 
 We'll go to dinner whilst you do the job. 
 
 And keep some hot for you upon the hob.
 
 FORTUNIO. 
 
 19 
 
 King. Thou'lt not say " No," thy Sovereign supplicates 
 thee ; 
 
 Go, be our Champion ! " Go where glory 
 wails thee !" 
 \_Music. Exeunt all hut Fortunio, (i.h.) 
 Fort. Fine words, I grant, and easy one's to utter, 
 
 Bui such, the proverb says, " No parsnips butter. 
 
 Now this is all that wicked woman's doing, 
 
 Because I wouldn't listen to her wooing. 
 
 What's to be done? Why the first thing, of course, 
 
 Take an opinion of my learned horse. 
 
 Comrade, my friend, just look out of your stable, 
 
 And answer me one question, if you're able. 
 [Comrade put his head out of the stable-door. 
 Com. Is it ihe Corn Question ? Because I'm gifted 
 
 To speak on one I've seen io often sifted. 
 Fort. No. 
 Com. I but joked, for may I draw a'waga;on, 
 
 If you have not been asked to kill the diagon. ' 
 Fort. You're right. 
 Com. Well, you must do it. 
 
 Fort. Cool, I vow. 
 
 Will you be kind enough to tell me how ? 
 Com. Call Fine-ear. 
 Fort. Fi— 
 
 Enter Fine-ear, (l.) 
 Fine. There is no need to bawl, 
 
 I heard, sir, you were just about to call. 
 
 What can I do lo serve you ? 
 Com. Say how Bear 
 
 The dragon is. 
 Fine, [listening'] As well as I can hear. 
 
 About seven leagues, and, it may be, a quarter. 
 Co7n. Let Tippler, then, drink up that pond of water. 
 
 And Stronsback bring as much wine as will fill it, 
 
 And whenlhe dragon's dead drunk you can kill it. 
 Fort. Sagacious creature! Tippler, Strongback, speed ! 
 
 Enter Tippler and Strongback. (l) 
 Both. Here, master. 
 Fort. Your assistance much I need. 
 
 [To Tip.] Drink this pond dry. 
 Tip. Is that all — in a minute ! 
 
 [Goes to pond and begins to drink. 
 Fort, [to Strong.] Bring as much wine here as you can 
 put in it.
 
 90 FORTUNIO. 
 
 Strong. Yes, sir. [Going. 
 
 Fort. You'll want a cart. 
 
 Sirong. A cart — for what ? 
 
 For such a job I'd scorn to use a knot. E.vit. (r.) 
 
 Tip. Ti ere, sir — I've mopp'd that up without a wink. 
 
 Fort. What shall I give you ? 
 Tip. Wliat you please to drink. [JiMsic. 
 
 Re-enter Strongback. laden mith Hogsheads of Wine. 
 
 Strong. I think I've brought enough to fill the pond ; 
 
 At all events there's no more wine in bond. 
 
 [^Roar nithout. 
 Fort. Make haste, make haste, for by thai roar, 
 
 The dragon's nearer by some leagues. 
 Fine E. Yes — Four, 
 
 Fort. Tl en to our posts — he'll do the other three 
 
 In a hop, step, and jump, immediately. 
 
 QUARTETTE. 
 
 FoRTUNio, Strojncback, Tippler, and Comrade. 
 
 ^ir.— ''Master Poll" {Midas.) 
 
 Fort. Master Drag, 
 
 In spite of his brag, 
 
 W e'U bufifet away from the plain, sir ! 
 Strong. And, I will fight 
 
 With all my might, J 
 
 Com. And I with all my ?nane, sir ! 
 
 Tip. And I'll have a rap. 
 Though he may snap, 
 
 And kick up a woundy racket J 
 Fort. I'll hack! 
 S:rong. I'll whack ! 
 Tip. I'll crack ! 
 All. Good lack ! 
 
 How we'll pepper his scaly old jacket! 
 
 Fort. In spite of his teeth, 
 Above and beneath, 
 
 I'll make him his jaw to hold, sir 
 And teach him to dance 
 At the end of my lance, 
 
 As St. George did the dragon of old, sir ! 
 As soon as he's dead, 
 I'll cut off his head !
 
 FORTUNIO. 
 
 2) 
 
 Tip. Before 'twould be rather rash, sir ! 
 
 F»rt. I'll dare! 
 Tip. I'll tear! 
 Strong, ru bt-ar! 
 All. Oh, rare ! 
 
 A-.id I warrant we'll settle his hash, sir ! 
 
 \_':lelo-dramatic Music. It has become night, and 
 mojnlifiht Foutunio and Sesvants conceal 
 themselves. Enter the dragon ( R. ) — he sniffs the 
 wine andc immenc: s drinking immediately, sheics 
 symptom v of inli)xicatiun,st aggers, reds and falls. 
 Com. Now, master, now ! 
 
 FoRTUNio and Servants enter armed. 
 Fort, [stabbing the Dragon'] " Dead for a ducat, dead 
 Tip. Hi tell the tale — whilst you cut off the head ! 
 
 Exit (L.) 
 [Fort, cuts off the dragun'shead, and sticks it on 
 the top of a spea r. 
 Strong, [taking up the hodi/'\ I'll bear his body — it's no 
 
 load to brag on. 
 Fort. Mind— it's down-hill. 
 Strong. No fear — I've got the drag-on. 
 
 [Shouts without. He-enter Tippler, with the 
 
 rest o/FouTUNio's suite. Citizens. Peasantry, 
 
 ^r., the King, the Princess. Nobles S^c , (l.) 
 
 forming a procession a la '■' Misaniello," act 2. 
 
 CHORUS .—{Masaniello ) 
 Come, fill to the briiu every flaggon, 
 
 And dance while a leg's left to wag on ! 
 E'en Warwick's old Guy 
 But a coward seems, nigh 
 
 To the hero who conquer'd the dragon. 
 [ Theij pass round the stage, and Fort comes to a 
 ha t before the KiNGo 
 Prin. [aside] Confusion! Conqueror! the dragon slain ! 
 Fort, [showing the head to the Kmc] "Thus perish all 
 
 that gives Alonzo pain." 
 King We can't find words to speak our thanks. 
 Fort. Then don't. 
 
 Prin [aside] I cannot bear this triumph — and 1 won"t ! 
 King. Money I've none ; and so may truly say — 
 
 " More is thy dui- than more than all can pay.'' 
 But kings, you know, of honour are the fount. 
 And therefore freely honours you shall count — 
 Aye, though you're nine at whist! Yon monster, 
 there,
 
 22 FORTUNIO. 
 
 In your own arms we give you leave to bear; 
 And, to prove the gratitude we feel, 
 We'll pass a patent under our great. seal, 
 Declaring, hencefortli, 'lis our Royal will 
 That none but you shall dare a dragon kill ! 
 
 Priti. That is, indeed, a privilege most gracious ! 
 
 But, brother, on a deed much more audacious, 
 This youth is bent. 
 
 Kins. Indeed — what — how ? 
 
 Prin. You'll never guess. 
 
 Fort. What is she after now? 
 
 Prin. His great ambition, brother, is to go 
 Ambassador to our most deadly foe ; 
 He vows, without an army or a navy, 
 He'll force the Emperor to cry " Peccavi." 
 
 Fort, [aside] Good gracious me ! 1 go their dt-adly foe to ! 
 VVheredoes thalwitked woman think she'll go to? 
 
 King. Since I can give him notliing, 'lis but just 
 I should refuse him nothing — go he must. 
 
 Fort. But !^ire — 
 
 King. No thanks, we still shall be your debtor. 
 
 Prin. And so the sooner you setoff the better ! 
 
 FINALE. 
 
 Fort. Is she determined to make ine a martyr? 
 
 Does she suppose me Van Ambur^h or Carter ? 
 First fight a dragon, then go catch a Tartar, 
 Is out of the frying-pan into ihe fire. 
 
 King. If to his courage he don't fall a martyr, 
 
 He may depend on the first vacant garter ! 
 Fight with a dragon, then go catch a Tartar ! 
 'Tis really much more than he ought to desire. 
 F'lor. O, Etiquette! to your laws he's a martyr. 
 
 He dar'nt contradict, though he knows what she's 
 
 arter, 
 Firs^t figlit a dragon, then go catch a Tartar, 
 Is out of the frying-pan into the fire. 
 
 Chor. Never was heio more handsome or smarter. 
 Braver he is than Van Amburgh or Carter, 
 First fight a dragon, then go catch a Tartar! 
 He certainly next wdl the Thames set on fire! 
 
 END OF ACT FIRST.
 
 FORTUNIO. 
 
 23 
 
 ACT 11. 
 
 HALL OF AUDTENXE IN THE PALACE OF THE 
 EMPEROR MATAPA. 
 
 Large Gates in the fiat. 
 
 The Emperor is discovered seated on his Throne, attended 
 by his Court, Chamberlain, Officers and Guard. The 
 Princess Volante and her attendant Ladies. 
 
 Emp. Daughter, we're dull — we've got the devils blue ! 
 Dance and amuse us, as you ought to do ! 
 
 [Vol. dances. 
 Enough, we're sleepy — sing, and let yournumbers 
 AVrap our imperial soul in gentle slumbers ! 
 
 CHORUS — "Au-aij uith melanchoh/'—sting discordantly^ 
 
 [Only a fete bars which are interrupted by Emp. 
 Emp. Silence — oddsbobbs,unle-syou'd allbeswinging. 
 Chamb. Great sir— you bade us sing — 
 Emp. D')e call that singing? 
 
 It may be for the million! — hurly-burling! 
 
 I wouldn't hear it for a million sterling ! 
 
 So peace ! or by the hangman's shears bereft 
 
 You shall not have an ear for music left. 
 Chamb. Great sir, your servants tremble and obey. 
 Emp, They'd belter ! 
 
 Enter Officer. 
 
 Well, what have you got to say? 
 
 Officer. Most mighty emperor — King Alfourite — 
 
 Emp. Hah ! — what of him ? Does he again show fight? 
 
 Officer. An envoy from his court has just arrived, 
 Who craves an audience. 
 
 Emp. Is the fool nine-lived, 
 
 That thus he ventures into our dummions? 
 
 Chum. Perhaps — 
 
 Emp. Perhaps! — who asked for your opinions? 
 
 Go, hang the fellow instantly [Oi-s\cy.r going. ] 
 iio — stay ! [Ofi-ictR returns. 
 
 We fain would hear what he has got to say, 
 Which, if we hang him first, he cannot tell — 
 Let him approach ! — after will do as well.
 
 24 ' FOHTUNIO. 
 
 [Mmsjc] EnferTo-RTVtuo, irith his Seven Servants. 
 
 Now speak, young shaver — what's the news with 
 thee? 
 
 Fort. Thus after greeting, speaks my king by me — 
 To you, who've borrow'd all his treasure — 
 
 Emp. Borrow'd ! 
 
 Chamb. A strange beginning ! 
 
 Emp. Don't you be so/orrard ! 
 
 Go on, young gentleman, you shall be heard. 
 Borrow'd, I think you said. 
 
 Fort. ^ That was my word. 
 
 I thought it not polite to use a stronger — 
 His Majesty can't do without it longer, 
 And tlierefore sends me, in a civil way, 
 To tell you he must have it back to-day! 
 
 Emp. What follows if we disx.Uow of thi-, ? 
 
 Fort. His Majesty will take it much amiss. 
 
 Emp. On this fool's errand have you come alone ? 
 
 Fort, I've seven servants with me, of my own. 
 
 \_Atl the Servants botv. 
 
 Emp. You are a pleasant man for a '^mail party ! 
 
 Our wrath is smothered by ourlaughter hearty. 
 [Genrral laugh. Emp. checks them; laughs; they 
 a^ain echo him. 
 
 My Lord Ambassador^ you've had your jest, 
 'Tisnow our turn — we grant your smii/l request, 
 On one condition, — find, within this hour, 
 A man who, for his brea'fast, shall devour 
 All the new bread b^ked in this town to-day. 
 
 Fort. Agreed. ^Aside] Here's luck ! 
 
 E?np. Do you know what you say ? 
 
 Fort. Most perfectly. 
 
 Emp. Oh, very well, we'll sep. 
 
 Take hf ed : if but a crumb uneaten be, 
 Into a red-hot oven I will thrust ye, 
 And bake ye all. alive ! 
 
 Fort. How very crusty ! 
 
 Emp. [to Officer'] Go, pile the bread up in the Palace- 
 court ; 
 Here, from our throne, we will behold the sport. 
 [Exit Officer (r.). ivith snme Guards. The Emp. 
 retires up, with his suite. 
 
 Fort. Well, I am pretty easy on this head. 
 
 Gormand. [Gor. advances] I hope you haven't 
 brc-akfasted.
 
 FOBTUNTO. 
 
 Gor. 
 
 Fori. 
 Gor. 
 
 Fort, 
 Gor. 
 
 Fort. 
 
 Gor. 
 
 Fort. 
 
 Got: 
 
 Why, sir, I eat a round of heef at ten ; 
 But haven't made a meal — I don't know when. 
 Can you eat all the new bread in this city ? 
 Lord ! If I couldn't, sir, 'twould be a pity — 
 And all the stale besides, just to complete it. 
 Tlie job's to get one's bread, sir, not to eat it. 
 You're sure! 
 
 Don't be alarmed, sir, it's all right ; 
 A round of beef just whets my appetite. 
 I joy to hear you say so. I declare 
 Bread's rising very fast in yonder square. 
 'Twill fall much faster, sir, when I fall on it, 
 I hope so, for our lives depend upon it. 
 [Looking out] They're bringing rolls and twists — 
 
 all smoking hot 
 They can't bring such a twist as I have got. 
 
 [The Chamb. advances. 
 
 The celebrated DUET,"Tell me where is Fancy bred." 
 
 Arranged for Three Voices, by an Irish Composer. 
 
 FoRTUNio, Chamberlain, and Gormand. 
 
 Chamb. 
 Fort. 
 
 \ 
 
 Gorm. 
 
 Chamb. 
 Fort. 
 
 All. 
 
 Emp. 
 Fort. 
 Emp. 
 Gor. 
 
 Tell me, tell me, 
 Tell me, tell me, 
 New, d'ye fancy bread? 
 Sniokihg hot, from oven red — 
 Ur prefer you stale instead ? 
 Reply, reply, reply. 
 
 'Tis all the same, sir, in my eye — 
 On both I've fed, and fancy size 
 In the loaf is all I prize. 
 
 5 'Tis all the same, sir, in his eye, &c. 
 Let them bring all the stale as well. 
 He'll [ ^° '^^ '*' '^'"S? dong, bell ! 
 
 [The gates at the lack are opened, and several 
 enormous piles of loaves are seen in the court 
 yard, on a large table or platj'orm. 
 
 There is the bread — now where's your man ? 
 
 He's here. 
 , Why fellow, can you all that table clear ? 
 I'll do the best your Majesty to please, 
 But if you would just add —
 
 26 FOHTUNIO. 
 
 Emp. Ha! 
 
 dor. A little cheese. 
 
 Enp Dost mock us, villain ? Eat all that, or die I 
 (j'>r. O)^, sir, it's quite a pleasure to comply. 
 
 IMusic. GoR, devours the bread. 
 
 CnORVS.—iCorellL) 
 Emperor and Courtiers. 
 "What a gulp ! oh, goodness, gracious! 
 Never wolf was so voracious ! i 
 
 Quartern loaves like pills to swallow ! 
 Here's a chap beats Dando hollow ! 
 Only see, 
 
 Goodness gracious ! 
 How capacious 
 Must his bread- room be ! 
 f" FoRTUNio and Servants. 
 
 Down he crams 'em, smoking hot, 
 What a famous twist he's got! 
 
 {^During this chorxis GoK. demolishes all the heaps 
 of bread. 
 Officer. There's not a crumbleft! will you please examine? 
 Emp. Confound the cormorant, he'd breed a famine. 
 Fort. Bravo, dear Gormand, well may it be said, 
 
 That you have proved yourself a tliorough-bred! 
 Gor. I ought to have had the clieese sir, I declare, 
 
 •The last batch was light-weight— and that's not 
 fair. 
 Fort. Now, great Matapa — I your promise claim, 
 
 j (Restore the treasure — 
 Emp. No ! — 
 
 Fort, and} Oh, fie, for shame ! 
 
 Servants, t A monarch pledge his word — and not stick to it! 
 Emp. Why who the deuce had dream'd that he could 
 
 do it! 
 Fort. Yet you'd have baked us had he chanced to fail, 
 
 Oh, sir, your Justice bears a sliding scale! 
 Emp. I was but joking — 
 Fort. Sir a bet's a bet, 
 
 I'll ask the Jockey Club— 
 Emp. One moment yet — 
 
 Find me a man can drink up all the v.ater. 
 
 And one who in a race can beat my daughter; 
 
 And to restore your Royal Master's treasure, 
 
 We'll make a point — of full imperial measure ! 
 
 We swear! 
 gi'ort. By what?
 
 FOHTUNIO. 87 
 
 Emp. The Great Bear — whose relatioa 
 
 We have the honor to be. 
 Fort, A declaration 
 
 No one can doubt, who knows your Majesty ; 
 
 You are as like a great bear as can be! 
 Emp. By our celestial brother, Ursa Major, 
 
 We swear this time, that if we lose our wager, 
 
 We'll pay!— 
 Fort, Be witness all then — 'tis a bet! 
 
 Tippler! — [Tippler advances] — Your whistle if 
 you'd like to wet. 
 
 There's a canal, five fountains, and a tank. 
 
 To drain — 
 Tip. With pleasure, Sir — but when I've drank 
 
 The water. I shall finish with the wine. 
 Emp. [aside] Eh, zounds — if that's the case,he'll finish mine! 
 
 My choice old Port!' — my fine Duff Gordon 
 Sherry! 
 
 An awkward customer this fellow — very ! 
 
 [Tippler going. 
 
 [aloud] Hold, this condition we will not exact. 
 
 We had forgotten an important fact, 
 
 Our Doctors here, despising drug and pill. 
 
 Cure by cold water, every mortal ill! 
 
 And should this man possess such powers of 
 suction, 
 
 His faculty would doom our's to destruction! 
 
 Therefore, my Lord Ambassador, we think. 
 
 We'd better drop this question of the drink; 
 
 And 'stead of losing all the running water, 
 
 Just stand to win upon our running daughter! 
 Fort. Content — will't please you name the time and 
 
 place. 
 Emp. The Orange walk — in half-an-hour — 
 Fort: The rac«— 
 
 P.P? 
 Emp. Of course. 
 
 Fort. Sweepstakes — off-sweeping 
 
 All the King's Plates and gold cups in your 
 kepping. 
 [Flourish and march. Exeunt severally, Emp. 
 and Fort, ■withthiir trains. (L.) 
 
 Scene 2.— ANOTHER APARTMENT in the PALACE. 
 
 Enter Fortunio and his Seven Servants. 
 Fort. Lightfoot, I need not tell you 'tis your part 
 To beat the Princess.
 
 28 
 
 FOHTUNIO', 
 
 Light. 
 
 Give me a fair start — • 
 ni beat the arrow from friend Marksman's boTr„. 
 You'll want a proper dress to run in though. 
 
 [Stampt — the 'runk rises, (z.) 
 [Giving him the key] Look in the trunk — you'll find 
 one I dare say. 
 The very thing, [Pulling out a scarlet jacket and 
 
 hose.l Your Lordship's colours, pray — 
 Go hence and dress, for you've no time to waste- 
 Sir, if I can make anything, 'tis haste. [Exit, (l.) 
 Sir, may we crave a word? 
 
 I'm all attention. 
 Lightfoot has hit upon a rare invention. 
 Whatis't? 
 A Flying Steam Coach ! ' 
 
 Hah!- Indeed! 
 Built on a principle that must succeed. 
 Just like a bird — with body, wings, and tail. 
 Or like a fish — 
 
 Aye — very like a whale. 
 You think we're joking sir. 
 
 In truth I do. 
 Sir it's in print — 
 
 Oh — then it imist be true, 
 Or I should have said, with all humility, 
 Twas flying in the face of probability. 
 We've formed a joint stock company. 
 
 So, so. 
 Roisterer can puff off any thicg you know. 
 And Strongback carries on the whole affair, 
 And all the onus will with pleasure bear. 
 Marksman will see the way clear through the skv. 
 And Fine- Ear tell folks when the coach is nigh. 
 Gormand and Tippler? 
 
 Why, sir, we all think, 
 As they can nothing do but eat and drink. 
 They ought to be directors, and together 
 Meet upon board days, and discuss the weather. 
 Fort. I fear your scheme will end in smoke. 
 Fine Ear. Aye, so 
 
 I heard them say of gas some years ago. 
 Fort. Faithyou'rerightthere, and who on earth shall say. 
 We may not one day skim the milky way ■? 
 Still, in these times of quackery and puifing. 
 The greatest goose may get his fill of stuffing. 
 
 Fort, 
 
 Liffht. 
 
 Fort. 
 
 Light. 
 
 Fine, 
 
 Fort. 
 
 Boist. 
 
 Fort. 
 
 Fine. 
 
 Fort. 
 
 Strong. 
 
 Marks. 
 
 Tippler 
 
 Fort. 
 
 Marks. 
 
 Fort. 
 
 Garm. 
 
 Fort. 
 
 Stroncr. 
 Fort^ 
 Strong. 
 Boist. 
 
 Fine. 
 Marks. 
 Fort. 
 Strong.
 
 tOR'UNlO. 29 
 
 SONG.— FoRTUNio. 
 Ait. — ''March, march" 
 Qyack, quack, nothing like quackery, 
 
 Humbugj, my friends, of the day is the order ! 
 Quack, quack, any jimcrackery 
 
 Now will go off with a putf, for the Border. 
 Pretenders abounding, trumpeters sounding 
 
 Every man his own honour and glory ; 
 Truth you're quite lighttopnze, if you dontwis'i to rise, 
 
 But if you do, you must get up a story. 
 
 Quack, quack, ike. 
 Come to the Chambers of Clement's or Gray's Inn, 
 
 Come lo the Solons who rule in "the Row," 
 Come lo the ball where the heiress is blazing, 
 
 You will find humbug from Bond Street to Bow, 
 Bills, yellow, green, and red, flutter above your head, 
 
 Each of some miracle hangs the recorder; 
 New projects every day melting your cash away. 
 
 Till you're obliged to pop over the Border. 
 
 Quack, quack, &c. 
 
 Scene 3.— A LONG WALK LINED WITH ORANGE 
 
 TKEES. 
 
 On one side the Winning Post, ott the other the Judge's Chair, 
 with, a hell above it. Enter on o?ic side the Empehor leading 
 tlie Princess Volante, attired for the race, and followed hg 
 the Emperor's Court, Lord Chamberlain, Officers, 
 Guards. Sgc. On the other, Fortunio, with LioHif^oi, 
 attired for the race, and followed hy the other Six Servants. 
 
 Emp. This is the spot, the centre of the grove. 
 
 Here stands the winning post. In yon alccve 
 The judge's chair— where seated I shall be — 
 The daughter to Matapa — here you see, 
 Fresh as a four-year-old — of matchless speed. 
 
 Fori. Her make and beauty nothing can exceed. 
 
 Prill. Yonder is my antagonist no doubt. 
 
 Fort. Fortunio names Lightfoot. 
 
 Fnn. Trot him out! [Light, advances and hows. 
 
 A scarlet runner, by his legs — 
 
 Light. Alack, 
 
 Red legs are rarer on the turf than black. 
 
 Emp. Come ! — clear the course. {Bell rings. 
 
 Fair daughter, what d'ye say 
 To some of our imperial Tokay 
 Before you si art? 
 
 Prin. A ulass I'll not decline, 
 
 To run a race nought helps like racy wine !
 
 30 F0RTUN20. 
 
 Emp. Some Tokay for her highness. 
 
 Light. And for me. [Crosses to c. 
 
 JE/np. For thee I 
 
 Prin. It is but fair. 
 
 Emp. So let it be ! 
 
 Give him a bumper! Harkye! 
 
 [To Page and whispers — Page bows, and r/oes 
 out— returns with goblet which he hands to 
 
 LiGHTFOOT. 
 
 Fort. I misdoubt! 
 
 They'll doctor him! [roLiGui.] Take care what 
 you're about. 
 Emp. OurChamberlain shall start you when you're ready. 
 Prin. Come on then — 
 Light, [aside^ Well that stuff is rather heavy ! 
 
 [Aloud.] Where do we start from ? 
 Prin. Yonder in the hollow. 
 
 Light. Then lead the way. 
 Pri?i. And keep itl 
 
 Light. That don't follow ! 
 
 Port. Now, Liofhtfoot, mind you run for your existence !. 
 Emp. Once round the course, remember, and a distanc*' . 
 [ilttsic. The Prin. and hiGHT. ascend the slope 
 at the back of the stage and disappear behind it. 
 The Emi'. takes his seat in the Judge's Chair. 
 Ch vmb stands on the ridge and drops a flag. 
 Bell rings. 
 
 Ml. They're off!— they're off! 
 
 Officer. I'll bet a thousand to one 
 
 'Gainst Lightfoot. 
 Fort. Sir, I take you. 
 
 Officer. Done, sir. 
 
 Fort. Done. 
 
 [Prin. and Light, re-appear, running, Priw. 
 railier in adraiice. 
 Chamb. The Princess makes the running. 
 Emp. All my own is. 
 
 Chamb. Six to four on her Highness. 
 Fort. Done, in ponies. 
 
 [Exeunt. Prin. and Light,, (\%i, e., l.h.) 
 Af/trks. Lightfoot is holding in. 
 Tip. A pretty race ! 
 
 All. Lightfoot is beaten ! 
 
 Chamb. He can't live the pace. 
 
 Fo -t. They're out of sight. 
 E7np. And will be so, until 
 
 They reach the walk a-top of youder hill J
 
 rORTUNIO. 
 
 31 
 
 But as my daughter runs five miles a minute. 
 It won't be long before you see her in it. 
 
 [Be// rings as the figure of Prin. is seen at the top 
 of the hill. 
 Officer. And there she is— 
 
 I'o'rt. Alone, as I'm a sinner ! 
 
 Einp. Hurrah! I'll bet my crown I name the winner. 
 Chamb. No takers. 
 
 {The figure descends the hill rapidly, and c/ijap- 
 peurs behind the rise in the jtage. 
 Fort. Where on earth can Lightfoot be ? 
 
 Listen, pood Fine-ear ; Marksman, haste and see. 
 J^tne. Wheree'er he is, he's fast asleep, for I 
 
 Can hear him snore. 
 JVfarks. [who has climbed a tree'] Hush ! there the rogue 
 
 I spy, 
 
 Stretched out beneath a tree, full three miles off. 
 Fori. Of all the empire I shall be the scoff, 
 
 Our lives are forfeit, too ! Asleep ! plague take him. 
 Marks. Nay, don't despair, good master; this shall 
 wake him. 
 [Letsfiyan arrow in the direction he has been looking. 
 Fort. What have you done? 
 
 Aiarks. [looking out} Just touched his ear, I vow. 
 
 He's up, and off. 
 
 [The figure of Light, appears at the top of the 
 hill and descends II ith inci edible swiftnest, dis- 
 appearing behind the rise in the stage. 
 Fort. He comes. He'll beat her now ! 
 
 [Prin. appears on the ridge of the stage., closely 
 followed by Light. 
 Courtiers. Blue ! Blue ! wins easy ! 
 Fort. ^ his men, as Light, appears'] Scarlet, go it Scarlet! 
 Fmp. Volante ! 
 
 [Light, bounds by Prin. and passes the post 
 Fort, and men. Lightfoot ! Lightfoot ! 
 
 Fmp. 
 
 Fort. 
 
 Fmp. 
 
 Fort. 
 
 fjor. 
 
 Tip. 
 
 Fort. 
 
 Light, 
 
 Fort. 
 
 Curse the varlei. 
 [Comim/ out of the chair. 
 Won in a canter. 
 
 Scarlet ? — I'm done brown 
 Take care, again, sir, how you bet your crown. 
 The knowing-ones are done^ this time, I say. 
 There'll be long faces upon settling-day. 
 
 Lightfoot, wliat a time to sleep you chose ! 
 I felt so drowsy I laid down to doze, 
 
 Thinking by sleep refrestied to run the quicker; 
 
 1 ne'er was overtaken, save by liquor! 
 It was a narrow 'scape for me, 'tis clear.
 
 32 
 
 PORTUNTO. 
 
 Light. Mine was an arrow 'scape, sir ; just look hpre. 
 
 [Shows Marksman's arrow slicking in hu ear. 
 Fort, [to Emp.] Your Majesty no longer can refuse. 
 Emp. Our Majesty can do wliate'er we chuse. 
 But 'tis a debt of honour, we admit. 
 And therefore we to pay it do thing fit. 
 But in our court no longer shall you tarry ; 
 So as much treasure as one man can carry 
 We do permit you from our stores to bear. 
 One man? 
 
 We've said it. Take more if you dare! 
 I humbly take my leave. 
 
 You show your sense. 
 Strongback, you hear the Emperor's order, 
 
 Her'"*' ! 
 [To Chamb.] You, sir, look after 'em and see it dune. 
 Strong, [to Fort.] I'll carry, sir, enough for any one. 
 
 [Music. Exeunt Port, and Attendants, wvh Chamb., (R-) 
 Prin. 
 
 Fort. 
 Emp. 
 Fort. 
 Emp. 
 Fort. 
 Emp. 
 
 Emp. 
 Prin, 
 
 Chamb. 
 
 Emp 
 
 Ckamb. 
 
 I'm so provoked, papa, that I could cry ; 
 At Tattersall's, the favourite was I. 
 I'm so enraged, Volante, 1 could roar ; 
 I never knew you be behind before. 
 Beneath atiee, asleep I lefc him, fast; 
 How could he manage to be first at last 1 
 Enter ChaNB,. hastily. 
 
 Where is the Emperor ? 
 Now what's the matter? 
 
 Oh, sire, sire, sire! 
 Is the town on fi!^ 
 
 No, sire, but all your palace sacked and plundered 
 Of gold and silver statues full five hundred — ■ 
 The costly mirrors and the massive plate — 
 The jewelled harness and the coach of state — - 
 Treasure untold, in bullion, bars, and casii — 
 All by one man are carried off — slap-dash ! 
 
 Emp. All by one man? Impossible ! No, no ! 
 
 Chamb. Let me endure your wrath if 'tis not so. 
 I saw him move the goods. 
 
 Emp. If thou dost lie. 
 
 Upon the next tree shall thou hang, as hi^h 
 As they can swing thee. If the truth it be, 
 I care not if, instead, they tuck up me. 
 Is this a time to stand and stare about ! 
 You rogues autfl vagabonds — arm — arm and out ! 
 If this which he avouches doth appear. 
 We may write up " Unfurnished lodgings here." 
 Ring the alarum bell until it crack ! 
 At least we'll liave our coach and harness back. 
 [B.eifnt Emp,, Prin , Chamb., ^x. Alarum bell, Sfc
 
 FOBTUNIO. 
 
 Scene 3.— THE BANKS OF A RIVER. 
 
 Music. Enter Stkong., carrying an enormoun -pile of treasure 
 of every description on Ms shoulders, followed by Fort. 
 and his other servants. (R. 2 E.> 
 
 Fort. Run, Strongback ; we're pursued — 'tis my be'ief. 
 Fine. Yes, master, I can hear them call "Stop thief." 
 Fort. Now is the time your serial coach to try — 
 Light. It's built — we've only got to make it fly ! 
 F'ort. A trifle merely — yet I almost doubt 
 
 If we can wait whilst that is brought abf^ut! 
 Marks. Here comes the Emperor with all his guard ! 
 Fort. What's to be done ? 
 Bois. I'll breathe a little hard ; 
 
 And they'll be so completely blown — I doubt 
 
 Their running an inch further on this route. 
 F^ort Dear ftiend, to you we'll owe our preservation, 
 
 And wait your coming at the railway station ! 
 [Mtisic. Exeunt Fortunio and all but Boisterer* 
 Enter Emperor and Guards. 
 Emp. Upon them ! — charge ! 
 
 [Bois. blows and they are all whirled off the stage. 
 
 Oh, here's a precious breeze ! [^As he goe.% 
 
 Bois. Thatis the "puff" direct," sir, if you please. [Edit. 
 
 Scene 4.— INTERIOR OF KING ALFOURITE'S 
 PALACE, (as in the first act.) 
 
 Enter King and Minister, (h.) 
 King. Talk not of comfort to a wretch like me ! 
 My Court is now a Court of Bankruptcy. 
 Not Mr. Lover, who, as you're aware. 
 Audits accounts of every Irish heir — 
 Which, for arithmetic, his fame advances. 
 Could find a cure for my impaired finances. 
 
 SONG.— Kino. 
 Air. — ''/ love her, how I love her.^' 
 
 E'en Lover ! Samuel Lover ! 
 
 Though he's a dab at L. S.D. 
 'Twould puzzle to discover 
 
 One penny in my treasury. 
 ■' ^ A tyrant beyond measure 
 
 Has walked otf all my treasure; 
 
 And thinks it quite a pleasure, , 
 
 Te have so diddled me.
 
 84 FORTUNIO. 
 
 Enter Lightfoot, (l.) 
 
 Light. Hail to your Majesty. 
 
 King. You come to use 
 
 Your tongue — ^your office quickly — what's your 
 news ? 
 Light. Great news, great King. My Lord Fortunio's near, 
 
 With all your treasure! 
 
 Enter Princess, (h.h.) 
 
 Prin. What is this I hear.!* 
 
 King. With all my treasure! 
 
 Light. Sire, the truth to tell. 
 
 You'll find some of the Emperor's as well. 
 
 We hadn't time to pick and choose, in fact ; 
 
 So took it as It came. 
 King. Judicious act! 
 
 Prin. [aside] What, of ray vengeance am I baulked again? 
 King. How is he coming ? 
 Light. By a special train. 
 
 I saw him start, and then ran on before 
 
 To give you notice. [Shouts withouf] Hark, he's 
 at the door ! 
 King. Conduct him to our presence — quickly — fly ! 
 
 [Exeunt Minister and Liohtfuoi. 
 
 Prin [aside] I'll crush him yet, or know the reason why. 
 King. He comes, he comes! With .shouts the people 
 greet him ! 
 
 Don't stand there, sister, let us haste to meet him. 
 Prin. It is not meet we should ; he wants your crijwn. 
 
 So pull him up before he pulls you down. 
 King. Fortunio false! then never man was true! 
 
 Some wicked wag has sure been hoaxing you. 
 Prin. I tell yon, brother, I can prove his guilt. 
 King. He was a gentleman on whom I built 
 
 An absolute trust. 
 Prin. And so did I- until 
 
 He dared propose your Majesty to kill. 
 
 And marry me! 
 King. And marry you ! Alack, 
 
 He must, then, be a monomaniac! 
 Prin. Brother ! 
 King. I mean that such prodigious vanity 
 
 Is the best proof of the young man's insanity. 
 Pri7i. I tell you he's a foe you must beware of.
 
 FORTUNIO. 35 
 
 King. Let him be taken, pray, the greatest care of; 
 
 For though he might not run his sovereign through. 
 He may be mad enough to marry you. 
 But wherefore spoke you not of this before t 
 
 Prin. I was in hopes he would return no more : 
 
 But he's come back, laden with fame and treasure, 
 And all the people's heads he'll turn with pleasure. 
 And they'll dethrone you and crown him instead. 
 Unless you puzzle them to find his head. 
 
 King. Ah, me ! I haven't got the heart to do it. 
 
 Prin, Then leave the whole to me — I'll pull you 
 through it. [Exeunt, (l.h.) 
 
 Scene the Last.— THE ROYAL GARDENS.— Night. 
 
 The recovered Treasure is all pitched at the back of the stage, 
 
 and occupies the whole centre of the scene. 
 
 Strong, and the other servatits discovered. Enter Fort. 
 
 Strong. There sir, I've pitched the whole load in the garden. 
 
 For there's no other place will hold it. 
 Fort. Pardon 
 
 Me, friend, but I am full of grief and care; 
 
 I cannot find my Comrade anywhere. 
 StroTig. Your horse! — why, isn't he in the stable ? 
 Fort. No. 
 
 And I am on the rack ! My Comrade, ho ! 
 
 Answer ! you can, unless you are a corse. 
 
 "My horse ! my horse ! a kingdom for my horse ! " 
 Enter King and Pein , attended by Minister, and JoUowed by 
 
 two Guards. 
 
 The Princess! 
 Prin. Aye, you tremble, and with reason. 
 
 Sir, I accuse Fortunio of high trfason. 
 
 Arrest him, gentlemen. \_They seize him. 
 
 Fort. Arrest ! pray istay ; 
 
 At court, it seems, this is a collar day. 
 
 'Tis shameful, sire — 
 Prin. Almost as bad, young mister. 
 
 As kill a King and marry with his sister. 
 Fort. As kill a King? 
 
 Prin. Aye, traitor, 'twas my word. 
 
 P'ort. And marry with his sister? — how absurd ! 
 
 Since it has come to this, I must speak out — 
 
 Madam, pray tell me, for I almost doubt — 
 
 Are you a lady ? 
 Prin. Do you hear him, brother ? 
 
 Fort. Because, if you are one — why Vm another. 
 
 All. A lady!
 
 36 FORTUNIO. 
 
 Fort. Yes, a ftmale woman, daughter 
 
 Of Baron Dunover. 
 King. I always thought her 
 
 Too pretty for a man — unless 'twas me — 
 " The fair, the chaste, the inexpressive she ! " 
 Prin. Exposed — defeated! I shall burst with spite! 
 Ob ! l/ulls in Minister's arms. 
 
 Minis. Sire! — She's choking! 
 
 King. Verdict — Serve her right. 
 
 [Minister carries out Prin. 
 [To Fort.] A crown you merit. 
 Fort. Half a one, I'd rather. 
 
 King' I Will you share mine ? 
 
 Fort. Sir, you must ask my father. 
 
 King. Oh, let us fly to seek him! 
 Voice without. There's no need. 
 
 [Music. The pile of treasure gradually opens, 
 and discovers a magnificent Fairy Chariot, 
 draxon hy twenty -four sheep with golden fleeces, 
 in which is the Fairy. hi front of the 
 chariot is Comradf. 
 Fairy. He to your union has with joy agreed ; 
 
 And 1 have hastened, m my own post-carriage, 
 To give consent and lustre to your marriage. 
 King, [aside'] A carriage drawn by four-and-twenty sheep 
 
 With golden fleeces!— That's the flock to keej)! 
 Fairy. They shall be vours — the dower of your bride. 
 King, [aside] She heard me [aloud] Madam, I'm quite 
 
 horrified ! 
 Fairy. Oh, no apologies! The're ewes and rams, 
 
 And will breed millions. 
 King. Oh, the precious lambs ! 
 
 Fairy, [to Fort.] Hadyow not help'd me, all this had been 
 marr'd; 
 But kindly actions ever meet reward. 
 
 FINALE. 
 
 jiir.—''Heres to the Maiden." 
 Fort*- Here then our curtain we hasten to drop, — 
 
 Our folly indulgently view, sirs. •" 
 
 Don't for a moment to criticise stop, 
 For that would be folly in you, sirs. 
 Let the piece pass. 
 One of its class 
 At Easter may find an excuse with the mass. 
 Chor. Let the piece pass, &c. 
 
 CURTAIN FALLS
 
 THE 
 
 GOLDEN 
 ^ B ^ A N C H, 
 
 fRIG^NiLO FAIRY EXTRAVAGANZA, 
 
 (Founded upoa the Countess D'Anois' Story, "Le Rameau d'Or.") 
 
 By J, R. PLANCHE, Esq. 
 
 AUTHOB OF 
 
 Fortunio ; The Fair One with the Golden Locks ; The White Cat 
 
 Beauty and the Beast; The Sleeping Beauty; Ciraciosa and 
 
 Percinet; The Birds of Aristophanes; The Golden 
 
 Fleece ; The Invisible Prince, &c. 
 
 Correctly Printed from the Prompt Book, virith Exits, 
 Entrances, &,c. 
 
 FIRST PERFORMED AT THE 
 
 MONDAY, DECEMBER 27t, 1848. 
 LONDON : 
 
 PUBLISHED BY S. G. FAIRBROTHER, BOW STREET, 
 
 AND W. STRANGE, PATERNOSTER HOW; 
 
 SOLD ALSO BY G. BERGER, HOLYWELL STREET, STRAND 
 
 C. HARRIS, BOW STREET ; WISEHEART, DUBLIN ; 
 
 AMD ALL BOOKSELLERS. 
 
 PRICE ONE SHILLING
 
 1 ON D N : 
 S. G.FAIRBROTHER, PRINTER, BOW STBEET, COVKNT CARDXN
 
 DRAMATIS PERSON.^ 
 
 HumguflSn, (an Enchanter of the Old School) Mr S. SMIT^ 
 
 Mandragora, . . f/ijs Sister, a Sorceress of the Old School) 
 
 Mrs. MACNAMAlvA 
 
 Blueruino, .... (an Illicit Spirit) .... Mr H. MARSHALL 
 
 Pastorella, (a Fairy of the New School) Miss MARSHALL 
 
 If. B.— Only Two Hundred Years are supposed to ekipst 
 between this Scene and the one immediately following. 
 
 King Brown,. . {Tyrant of the Silly Islands). . Mr H. HALL 
 
 Prince Humpy, (his only Son) * 
 
 Miss KATHLEEN FITZWILLIAM 
 
 Quake (Lord Chamberlain) Mr KERRIDGE 
 
 QuiTer, ( Captain of th» Guard) Mr H ARLE Y 
 
 Shake ( Usher of thz Brown Rod). . . . Mr DE COURC Y 
 
 Princess Dumpy, .... (only Daughter of King Stumpy) 
 
 Miss HOWARD 
 
 Swiiyanta, .... (her Waiting Woman and Confidant) .... 
 
 Madame VESTRIS 
 
 ARCADIANS. 
 
 Benignanta, (Queen of Arcadia) Miss LEE 
 
 Transimenus, (aii Arcadian Prince) MissFAIRBROTHER 
 
 Royal (OperaJ Arcadians. 
 Mr. GILBERT, Miss BALLIN, and Mr. MARSHALL 
 
 Corydon,! "^^cac^es/Miss KATHLEEN FITZWILLIAM 
 
 Tityrus,./ ambo," \ Mr HARLEY 
 
 Phiilis Miss HOWARD 
 
 Amaryllis Madame VESTRIS
 
 THE GOLDEN BRANCH. 
 
 ACT FIRST. 
 
 Scene L— SPIRIT VAULTS BENEATH 
 THE ENCHANTER'S CAS ILK. 
 
 Gate in Centre, Vaults Right and Left. 
 
 Mandragora, the Sorceress, discovered brewing mischief , 
 assisted hy Bluebuino and other Illicit Spirits. 
 
 Hi'MGUFFiN, the Enclianter, rises. 
 
 Hum. Speak, sister, speak, 
 
 Is the job jobbed ? 
 Man. Lonu ago — long ago ! 
 
 Twelve glasses sii.ce we have hob-nobbed. 
 
 Miscliiet I'm seldom slow 
 
 A-brewing ! 
 
 But as we brew so must we bake, 
 
 As we sliall one day find, and no mistake. 
 Hum. Many more, many more 
 
 Mischiefs may we brew, 
 
 Befoie Old INick shall come to claim his clue. 
 
 Chorus. 
 He must, he will — he must, he will, 
 He will have us some day; 
 bo on earth first wt'U have the deuce to pay!
 
 6 
 
 Man. Yes, brother, I have worked your wicked wilF, 
 And am, yon see, l)rewina; more mischief still! 
 
 Hum.WeW done! well done! more fun we'll have between usy 
 But Where's that traitor — that vile Transimenus t 
 
 [Mandragora waves her wand, the wall opens 
 R. H., and discovers an eagle. 
 
 Man. Beneath tiiat form behold the Prince ungrateful, 
 
 As false to me — as he to you was hateliil. 
 
 Fast to that perch with potent spell I tethered him. 
 
 Whilst my ingenious spirits tarred & feathered him. 
 Hum. A bird! Why not a beast 1* 
 Ma?}. 1 thoiiglit the thing 
 
 When you called out a rival, was to wing 
 
 The gentleman ! 
 Hum. Well— but then, why the deuce 
 
 Did'nt you make him look more like a ijoose ' 
 Man Because his rank in fairy land was regal, 
 
 I couldn't make him look less than an eagle ! 
 
 How have you punished the Arcadian Queen, 
 
 Whose charms the plague of both of us have been? 
 Hum. Behold where lies the proudest of princesses. 
 
 [ Waving Usxound. the wall opens L. H., and discovers 
 Queen BeNiGNAnta asleep on a couch of state. 
 
 Who dared reject a Humguffin's addresses ! 
 Into a state of coma I iiave cast her, 
 Which for two centuries at least shall last her. 
 If in Arcadia she would then abide 
 She'll be on what they call tiie s/iady side ! 
 Meanwhile to town I go in hope to find a 
 Lowther or Burlington Arcadian kinder. 
 
 SONG. — (It's no use hiocking at the door.) 
 
 HUMGUFFIN. 
 
 So I'm off to town on a little bit of spree. 
 
 And I hope to make acquaintance with a piettier girl than 
 
 she. 
 But somebody's trying to lift up the latch. 
 And Ishould'nt be surprised if it was Old Scratch ! 
 W ho is Ihut knocking at the door.? 
 Is that you old fellow ? 
 
 [Fairy Pastohkli a ii^i/ZiyM^.] 
 No ! the Fairy Pasloreila. ^
 
 IIUMGUFFIN. 
 
 Then you're no friend of ours, so you can't come in. 
 
 Anil it"s no use knocking at tiie door 
 
 Anv more — 
 
 lis no use knocking at the door. 
 
 Enter the Fairy Pastorella through the keij-lwid. 
 
 Fairy. No use ! you're no great conjurors I doubt. 
 To tliiiik a door can keep a fairy out. 
 At Ciiristmas too, of a!i times in the year. 
 When we have special licence to appear. 
 But to be short, as fairies short you see. 
 And to be quick, as fairies ought to be ; 
 I've just popped in to say these are my friends, 
 And you shall not obtain your cruel ends, 
 If love or chivalry enough remain 
 To make of earth a fairy land again. 
 This "Golden Brancii," plucked from the magic tree 
 Of Entertaining Knowledge, shall set free 
 The pinioned Prince — and ope the lovely eyes 
 Of the fair Queen you've dared to mesmerise! 
 Hum. Not for two hundred yrars — 
 Fairy. Tliey'll soon be past. 
 
 A fairy tale "iles time away so fast, 
 That amongst those who take an interest in it. 
 Two hundred years are over in a minute ! 
 
 AIR. — {I'm the genius of the Spring.) 
 
 Pastorella. 
 With the genius of the spring 
 
 I have had an interview, 
 And a most ingenious thing 
 
 She has promised me to do. 
 
 That next year will leap-year bring 
 
 Is well known to every dunce, 
 So she means to make one spiing, 
 
 And leap two hundred years at once ! 
 
 'Tis a most ingenious thing. 
 
 And 1 iliink completely new. 
 So jump, my gentle spring. 
 
 As you've promised rae to do) 
 
 The u-/tote Scene, together with the Personages in it, 
 vurii)ih, and the Stage represents
 
 8 
 
 Scene IL— THE BROWN STUDY OF 
 KING BROWN. 
 
 The King is discovered seated in an attitude expressive of 
 deep rejleclion. — Qu AKE.Chantberlain, Q,vi\ ER,Captain 
 of the Guard, Shake, C's/ier of the Brown Rod, enter 
 in rotation, and ivith great precaution. 
 
 ROUND.— (Pe;yf(/a Clori.) 
 
 Quake, Quivek, and Shake, l. h. 
 
 Lo \ where a scowling. 
 
 To himself growling, 
 
 Sits, without winking, 
 
 Doing his thinking. 
 In mood black as ink, King 
 Brown, surnamed •' the Bear." 
 
 Qui. Silence! his Majesty's about to [King sneeze^^ 
 
 sneeze. 
 Qua. Much good, sire, may it do you. If you please — 
 King. And if I don't please? 
 Ou.a. i tl>at wish recall. 
 
 \Aside\ And wish it may do you no good at all !J 
 King. What's that you mutter? 
 Qua. N— nothing, sire. 
 
 King. Beware ! 
 
 'Tis not for nothing I am called " the Bear'" 
 Qua. Dread Sovereign — 
 Kin<r. Peace! and answer you, sir knave [t.o Quiver] 
 
 Have my ambassadors returned ? 
 Qui. Tht-y have. 
 
 Kino-. Admit them, with the portrait they import, 
 
 And call our son Prince Humpy into court. 
 
 \Music — Enter R. h. Noh'es. Guards, and Four Servants 
 bearing a picture in a case, irhich hy direction of tht 
 King is placed in tht centre of the stage. 
 
 CHORUS.— {Gmtavus) 
 
 Hail! all hailto the great King Brown! 
 The world lurn> pale at his royal frown ! 
 Hail! all hail to the great King Brown ! 
 Of vast renown !
 
 9 
 
 Down on your marrowbones, 
 
 For, from his cleavers dread, 
 Nobody's safe who owns 
 
 An interest in a head ! 
 Who would dare to brave him ? 
 
 Once his voice that hear did : 
 Close enough he'd shave him 
 
 In his wrath, if bearded. Hail! all hail, &c. 
 
 King. Where is Prince Humpy? 
 
 Enter Prince Humpy, r,. h. 
 
 Pri. Sire, behold your son ! 
 
 King. \_Asicle.'\ I'd rather not — he's such an ugly one ! 
 Who could suppose him child of mine to be ? 
 And yet in one sense he takes after me — 
 For after me he takes this royal crown, 
 Sole hope of the illustrious house of Brown. 
 Malicious stars — my heart ye have with care rent. 
 So plain an heir should ne'er have been apparent ! 
 Why gave ye not to me, as to King Jones, 
 Or to King Smith, a score of little ones — 
 Why stint the issue of my line, alas 
 To one poor Brown I am ashamed to pass ! 
 
 Pri. In a quandary seems our royal sire ; 
 May I presume the reason to inquire? 
 
 King. Presume, indeed ! Presumptuous boy, would you 
 Be heir apparent and presumptive too? 
 Inquire the reason ! Shall a subject dare 
 Interrogate a King like Brown the Bear ! 
 
 Pri. Pardon great sire, I meant not to offend— 
 
 King. Peace ! and obediently our will attend! 
 You have arrived at years of indiscretion, 
 And it is time to settle the succession. 
 Therefore it is our pleasure you should marry. 
 
 Pri. You'll find that point Sir, difficult to carry. 
 
 Ee'n though a Prince, few girls would care to 
 
 catch me, 
 I fear it is impossible to match me! 
 
 King. Nothing's impossible to kings like us! 
 
 The bride is found — so don't you make a fuss ? 
 We've lighted on a match that nought shall hinder. 
 Where there is so much tin, hearts catch like tinder ? 
 We're flint and steel — and you tiie happy spark. 
 
 Pri. Then keep me, Sire, no lonuer in the dark — 
 But say who is " the inexpressive she," 
 Will condescend Prince Humpy's bride to be ?
 
 10 
 
 King. No less a lady than the Princess Dumpy, 
 
 The only daughter of the rich King Stumpy ! 
 Here is her portrait — painted from the life, 
 
 {Opens case and discovers portrait of the Princess 
 
 Pri. Preserve and pickle me ! that fright my wife ! 
 
 Why she's a cripple! seated in a bowl ! 
 King. Can't walk — but then in riches she can roll ! 
 
 When countless millions over to you handing. 
 
 Would you complain of want of understanding! 
 
 Besides, with such legs as you have to boast of, 
 
 'Twould be a lame excuse when made the most of. 
 Pri. But she is hideous ! 
 King. You're a pretty fellow, 
 
 To talk of ugliness — you Punchinello! 
 
 In one word will you wed her — yes, or no? 
 Pri. In one word no 
 King. No Oho ! Is it so ? 
 
 What ho ! The captain of our archer guard ! 
 
 [Quiver advances. 
 
 There's a round tower in our castle yard, 
 Built by King Brule five centuries ago, 
 Rebellious princes safely in to stow. 
 Two hundred years no key has oped the door, 
 'Tis time it should be tenanted once more. 
 In it confine this contumacious cub. 
 With bread and water for his bub and grub. 
 Let fly at him if he attempt to fly, 
 Your head shall answer for his custody ! 
 
 AIR and CH.ORVS.—[Slatute Fair.) 
 King Brown and Courtiers. 
 
 Away with him to prison strait, 
 
 His manners need improvement. 
 In shopping him I advocate 
 
 The early closing movement. 
 In limbo leave him alone to sob. 
 
 Or back the lady to wed, post — 
 If any one grumbles I'll scuttle his nob, 
 
 In the twinkling of a bed post ! 
 
 lEjeunt Quiver and Guards, wiih Prince Humpt 
 Prisoner, l. h.]
 
 11 
 
 Kinir. So much for one ! — But now, how much for t'other ? 
 The bride is on her road ! Ah, there's the bother! 
 
 She may arrive ere I can say Jack Rob 
 
 Flourish without. [Exit Quake, h. h. 
 — inson ! — She has so! There's a pretty job! 
 Now with what face can I the fact make known ? 
 Pshaw ! It can't be a worse face than her^own! 
 
 [Re-enter Quake, r. h.] 
 Qua. The Princess Dumpy ! 
 King. Bid her walk up stairs, 
 
 We'll come to Hecuba at once — who cares ? 
 Qua. Walk up. Alas ! Her highness, sire, is not 
 
 Abie to walk. 
 King. By Jupiter! Forgot! 
 
 Qua. Borne in a golden bowl by way of litter 
 
 King. Tell 'em to pass the bowl, and quick admit her! 
 
 [March. Enter Primcess Dumpy, carried by four 
 black servants, and attended by Suivanta, r. h. 
 
 Kincr. Welcome, fair Princess, to our royal court. 
 
 Prin. [Sobbing.] Ah! Oh! 
 
 King. " Ah ! Oh !" What may such sounds import ? 
 
 Prin. Oh ! Ah ! 
 
 King. " Oh ! Ah !" We still desire to know 
 
 What moves her royal highness so ? 
 Suiv. [Sobbing.] Ah! Oh! 
 
 Kino. Can no one speak except in interjections ? 
 
 Suiv. Alas ! There's no commanding our affections ; 
 
 And therefore, sire, the point at once to go to, 
 
 Excuse our saying we object in toto 
 
 To this alliance. 
 King, We! Zounds — Who are you? 
 
 Suio. My name's Suivauta, waiting woman to 
 
 Her royal highness. 
 King. Waiting woman, wait 
 
 Till you are spoken to ! How dare you prate ? 
 
 Object ! Sdeath, madam, do you mean to say 
 
 That you object ? 
 Prin. I do. 
 
 King. And wherefore pray? 
 
 Prin. Sir, to be plain with you. 
 
 King. You may say plain. 
 
 Prin. Prince Humpy ne'er could my affection gain, 
 
 If he be half as ugly as he's painted. 
 
 When first I saw his picture, sir, I fainted,
 
 12 
 
 King. You ! faint at ugliness ! Well come that passes. 
 In your court pray are there no looking glasses? 
 
 Prin. Oh ! I'm aware, sir, of my own defects — 
 
 Suiv. And that's a reason, sir, why she objects. 
 
 She thinks she ouglit to wed a prince who'd be 
 Her better half, as there's no hope that she 
 Could be the better half of any man. 
 And I must say that I approve her plan. 
 
 King. Will no one stop that woman's tongue? Odds life ! 
 Madam — Do you refuse to be the wife 
 Of our sole heir, Prince Humpy ? 
 
 Prin. Most emphat- 
 
 ically. 
 
 King. Hah ! Indeed ! we'll soon see that. 
 
 Km.—{Rory O'More.) 
 
 SOIVANTA. 
 
 Don't roar any more, for as sure as you're born, 
 Your hope's of the tort, sir, they call the forlorn. 
 His highness is not formed a lady to please, 
 So its no use her highness on that score to teaze. 
 To take it quite easy you really should try, 
 Its very undignified thus out to fly. 
 Like great King Dagobert whom I've heard talk about, 
 You've put on your — waistcoat I fear wrrng side out. 
 Then act like another great king, sir^ to-day. 
 And don't lose your temper in this stupid way. 
 But just please to order our coach to the door. 
 And as I've got a head-ache don't roar any morel 
 
 King. A flourish trumpet, strike alarum drum, 
 
 Let not this loud-tongued woman talk us dumb. 
 
 AIR and CUOR\JS>.—iElisire D'Amore.) 
 King Brown, &c. 
 A flourish ye trumpets, my drums sound alarum, 
 These termagant women, to prison quick bear 'em; 
 I'll bring both the jades on their marrow-bones down, 
 I'm in such a passion I've turned whity-brown ! 
 
 SUIVANTA. 
 
 For a king such as you I'd not give half-a-crown. 
 He's in such a passion he's turned whity-brown. 
 
 Chorus. 
 He's in such a passion, &c. 
 
 lExeuntMisG and Courtiers r.h., and Princess 
 and SuiVANTA, Prisoners, l. h.
 
 15 
 
 Scene III.-A ROOM IN THE ROUND 
 10VVER. 
 
 Enter Prince Humpy and Quiver, l. h. 
 
 Pri. Here must I linger to despair a prey ? 
 
 [To QuivEii icho is going] Stay ! 
 Qui. Eh { 
 Pri. O say — 
 
 Qui. Nay — 
 
 Pri. Pray — 
 
 Qui. Away! Good day I 
 
 Pn. Leave me not in this dungeon dark and ciiill ! 
 Qui. Young boy, 1 must — 
 Pri. And will you ? 
 
 Qui. And I will ! 
 
 Pri. Have you the heart ? When you were once in quod 
 
 Didn't I pay for you tlurteen pounds odd ( 
 
 All 1 could raise upo > my watch and chain. 
 
 And I did never ask it you ai^ain! 
 
 And can you sufler me to pine and shiver, 
 
 Iq darkness here. 
 Qui. I've sworn to do it — 
 
 Pri. Quiver ! 
 
 If any one alive had said you ever 
 
 Could have done this, I sliould have answered, 
 "never!" 
 
 Leave me, who in your nee^l posted the coal, 
 
 VVitKout a shovel-full, m this black hole ! 
 Qui- Well, then, I won't; I'll brave the tyrant's ire, 
 
 -May I be burnt if you shan't have a tire ! 
 
 for you in turn I'll post the coal, in sacks: 
 
 And candles too — 
 Pj-j". 1 Now you're the lad of wax 
 
 I thought you were. 
 
 Qui. ' Behold — at otue to light 
 
 \^l'roduces wax taper. 
 I bringj a candle's end. a perquisite, 
 "Which with some cheese parings, I get per diem — 
 You shall have all the ends, as I come by 'era ; ^ 
 And the cheese parings also, if you (ilease. 
 
 Pri. No, no, the candles. only — that's the cheese !' 
 For there are books I see within this tower. 
 Which by my taper's light I shall devour. 
 
 Qui. They're such old books, you cannot read 'em.
 
 14 
 
 Pru Pho ! 
 
 My friend, the hardship is to read the new. 
 Lend me a hand to pull this huge one out! 
 Qui, Heavens what a book, What can it be about ? 
 
 [ TTiey lift with great difficulty an enormous folio frorK 
 the shelf, and lean it against the wall at the back oj 
 the stage. 
 Pri. [Opening it] 'Tis full of pictures. Quaint illumi- 
 nations. 
 Folks of all sorts in various occupations. 
 Qui. A volume of some old Pictorial Times, 
 
 Or Illustrated News of other climes. 
 
 Pri. Hunting and fishing, playing cards and dice, 
 
 Qui. Eating and drinking every thing that's nice. 
 
 Pri. Why, Quiver, sure as fate that must be me! 
 
 And here again — in every picture see 
 
 [ Turning over the leaves. 
 A little humpbacked, ugly looking elf. 
 The very model of ray precious self. 
 And in my clothes too — 
 Qui. Well, there's no denying — 
 
 The portrait's much more like than gratifying ! 
 Pri. And by my side, whatever I am domg, 
 
 A lovely Shepherdess my actions viewing, 
 Beauteous as I am frightful, and arraj'ed 
 Like some that I have seen of China made ; 
 More like a sylvan queen than rustic lass 
 Keeping her sheep beneath a shade — 
 qui. Of glass. 
 
 [Music pianissimo — The volume expands, and a page 
 becomes transparent. 
 
 Pri, Mercy upon us ! see, the volume grows 
 
 Brighter — its page with light unearthly glows. 
 Qui. I feel remarkably intimidated — 
 
 By whom d'ye think its now illuminated ? 
 Pri. As I'm alive I so are the pictures too ! 
 Qui. Shut up the book — directly, sir, pray do. 
 
 The devil's in it. 
 
 [A re/ietition of the Room on the Stage appears through 
 the transparency, and the forms of the Shepherdess 
 and Prince Humpv hecome visihle, 
 
 Pri. No — an angel rather. 
 
 For there's my Shepherdess ! 
 <^t. I'll tell your father !
 
 15 
 
 Pri. The chamber is the one we stand in — see, 
 
 She points to yonder wall, and lo ! a key 
 
 I find, with which I ope a secret door 
 
 Behind those hangings. 
 Qui. Don't see any more- 
 
 [A hower of roses is seen, and the same figure of iht 
 Shepherdess surrounded by Shepherds and Shepherdeuet. 
 
 Pri. Another picture. There's my fair again, 
 
 Leading of youths and maids a brilliant train. 
 
 Shep. Prince Humpy. 
 
 Pri. Ilah ! on me they call. 
 
 Qui. No doubt. 
 
 If they should call on me, say I'm gone out. 
 
 GLEE.— {Hark, (he Lark.) 
 Hark ! a lark if you'd enjoy. 
 And jiain a precious prize, 
 The spell that binds our Queen destroy — 
 
 In slumber deep she lies. 
 'Tis time that she should now begin 
 
 To ope her lovely eyes; 
 Go in and win, 'tis you must sing, 
 " My Lady sweet arise," 
 
 L The volume closet, 
 Qvi. Riddle my riddle my riddle my ree. 
 
 Who can tell what this riddle may be ? 
 Pri. [Discovering key and secret door.] 
 
 Why of the riddle here I've found the key! 
 A Queen to wake. 
 i^ni. You wouldn't go to do it ? 
 
 Pri. I will, and here's the door. 
 Qui. I can't go through it. 
 
 DUO. — {Come where the aspens quiver.) 
 Pri. Come on my trusty Quiver. 
 Qui. Oh, how I shake and shiver; 
 Think of papa. 
 Ruined we are. 
 Pri, Follow the Prince you love! 
 Think of the fame and glory, 
 Think how you'll live in story. 
 Qui. Longer to live just now. sir, 
 
 I should prefer by far! 
 Pri. Come on my trusty Quiver, &c. 
 
 lExeunt Prince and Quiver through the door behind 
 tha hanf/ings.
 
 16 
 
 FcENE IV. — THE TURQUOISE BED 
 CHAMBEK. 
 
 A large window, l. h., alcove in centre, closed hy curtaint. 
 
 Enter Prince and Quiver, k. h. 
 
 Pn. The door has slamm'd to, and the bolt has shot to. 
 Qui. 'Twas a fool's bolt soon shot. 
 Pri. W here h>ve we got to ? 
 
 Qui. Where we've no business — in such queer concerns 
 
 One's only profit lies in quick returns. 
 Pri. Peace! — Lo, perchance, the object of my search. 
 
 [Princr \\vi.i\'\ imdraws the curtains of the alcove, 
 and discovers QvEEti Benignania on a couch of 
 state, as in the first scene. 
 
 Qui. A lady ! 
 
 Pri. Fast asleep too ! 
 
 Qui. As a church ! 
 
 Pri. Madam! Ahem! She stirs not — gently shake her. 
 
 Qui. Not I — I'm much too wide awake — to wake her. 
 
 Queen [in her sleep} My Transi menus. 
 
 Qui. iJark, sir ! 
 
 Pri. Silence keep! 
 
 And listen — she is talking in her sleep. 
 Queen. Monster, away ! .' 
 
 Pri. Monster ! 
 
 Qui. That's not polite. 
 
 Pri. Tiiough fast asleep, she sees that I'm a fright — 
 Queen. I'll never matry you 
 Pri. Ne'er marry me ! 
 
 Stop till I ask you, ma'am ! 
 
 [Queen rises and advances. 
 
 She risps ! see? 
 Qui. What caper next is she about to cut — 
 
 Her eyes are open — 
 Pri. But their sense is shut. 
 
 Qui. Why rubbing of her hands so does she keep ? 
 Pri. Because her very fingers are asleep. 
 ueen. On the spot still — ruffian, my hand let go, 
 'Tis pledged to Transimenus. Oh! oli ! oh! 
 Out, out, I say — out of the window fly. 
 An easle, and afraid ? Fie, my lord, fie ! 
 One — two — nay then 'tis time that I should wake 
 Come bring the Golden Branch the spell to break. 
 [Goes to Chair, R, h , and sits.
 
 17 
 
 P»"i. Did you mark that — she must be in a trance. 
 Qui. Perhaps she's in a state of clairvoyance. 
 Pri. What's clairvoyance ? 
 Qui. The art of seeing through 
 
 Those who are not sharp enough to see through you! 
 Pri. But if they're fast asleep, what can they spy 1 
 Qui. 'Tis a magnetic sleep, that's all my eye ! 
 
 And if this lady's in that sort of trance, sir. 
 
 To any question she'll give you an answer. 
 Pri. I'll put her to the question then instariter. 
 
 Who are you, ma'am ? 
 Queen. My name is Benignanta. 
 
 And of Arcadia I was once the Queen. 
 Pri. Indeed ! How long ;igo may that have been? 
 Queen. Two hundred years. 
 Pri. Two hundred years ! 
 
 Qui. Oh, fie! 
 
 Asleep, how very fast some people lie I 
 Pri. Two hundred years^ ma'am, do you mean to say 
 
 You've been asleep here ? 
 Queen. Yes, sir, to a day. 
 
 Pri. Your bed, methinks, you've lain quite long enough in, 
 
 Who tucked you up in it 1 
 Queen. The great Iluraguffin ! 
 
 Qui. Humguffin ! — what a name to go to bed with ! 
 Pri. And wherefore ? 
 Queen. For that him I would not wed with. 
 Pri. No doubt some other suitor you preferred ? 
 Queen. Oh, yes ! 
 Pri. He's dead, of course. 
 Queen. No — he's a bird. 
 Qui. Sf Pri. A bird ! 
 Qui. A precious old bird he must be ! 
 
 No chaff could catch him to a certainty! 
 Pri. And has ttie tickle favorite flown away ? 
 Queen. Oh, no — he calls upon me every day. 
 Qui. A bird-call ! 
 
 [Muiie* 
 
 Hark ! those notes no doubt announce, sir, 
 His visit. 
 
 {The catemeni jlies open, and the large eagle, seen in 
 the first scene, Jlies in, beuring the Golden Branch 
 in his beak. 
 
 Zounds! an eagle, and a bouncer,
 
 >w. 
 
 18 
 
 Pri. At si}j;ht of him tiie Queen no word can utier ! 
 
 Ml. The eagle too is in a precious flutter. 
 
 Pri. VVhat means ilut golden bough .' I wish to knov 
 
 Qui. I wish he'd make another bow, and go. 
 
 ^r2. I have it ! 
 
 Qui, What? 
 
 Pri. The branch — there's magic in it, 
 
 And 'his perhaps may be the lucky minute; 
 ^nd I the lucky mortal fixed by fate 
 To break the spell, and change this lady's state. 
 
 A.I11. — (0 Fortune a tou caprice.) 
 
 O fortune, if in your caprice, 
 
 You've cast the pleasant lot to me, 
 This sleeping beauty to release. 
 
 Her eyes shall quickly opened be! 
 Golden Branch I take you, 
 
 boldly from your bearer's clutch ; 
 And, lady fair, to wake you, 
 
 Your heart I'll gently, gently touch. 
 
 O fortune if, &c. 
 queen. [Starting up.'] My Transiiaenus, stay ! 
 
 [ The ta^le files out of the window 
 Again he's flown. 
 Pri. A very flighty lover you must own. 
 Queen. Forgive a passion not to be suppressed. 
 
 My first words should have been to you addressed ; 
 I thank you for your aid, sir, most sincerely. 
 Pri Don't mention it, I am too happy, really. 
 Queen. You for my benetit have played a part — 
 Pri. Which any gentleman must know by heart. 
 Queen. I am a Queen, who benefits can heap — 
 Pri. You told me all y^ur story in your sleep. 
 Queen. How I was wooed hy a vile necromancer, 
 
 A wretch who would not take " no" for an answt r ? 
 Pri. The great Humguffin. 
 Queen. Aye! Upon your word ? 
 
 And how Prince Transimenus to a bird 
 Was changed, by a foul sorceress lie hated ? 
 Qui. The facts, m brief, your Mijesty has stated. 
 Queen. Then you shall hear the rest some other day, 
 For I am now impatient to repay 
 Mv obligations to you, whic!> are heavy. 
 Pri. Madam I but assisted at your •' Levee." 
 
 Queen takes (he Golden Branch.
 
 19 
 
 Q'leen. You are too modest, pr^y some wish discover. 
 Pri. I wish you were united to your lover. 
 (^iieen. Nay, generous youth, you must not think of me 
 Before yourself. Say would you wish to be 
 As perfect )n your person as your mind ? 
 Pri. Your Majesty i* really very kind. 
 
 I can't admit my title to |jeifeciion. 
 In any wise; but still have no .ibjection, 
 To come more near the human form divine 
 For other's sake, a great deal more than mine. 
 Queen. Be handsome then as you are good and fearless, 
 
 No more Prince Humpy — you are now Prince 
 
 Peerless. 
 \_Touches him with the Golden Branch — his deformities 
 vanish. 
 Qui. Prodigious ! sir, permit me to inspect you ? 
 
 You're grown so handsome, none could recollect 
 
 you. 
 Oh madam, pardon me, but ere you go, 
 A *ioon, perhaps, on me you would bestow. 
 Queen. For what am I indebted, pray, to you? 
 Qui. I did the looking-on part — 
 Queen. Very true — 
 
 And in most offices it stand? confest, 
 Tiie lookers on are ofien paid the best ; 
 Sj name your wish, my friend, for I'm in haste. 
 Qui- I nfeln't tell a lady of your taste, 
 
 That in the w.iy of personal attraction. 
 Nature has .jiven me ample satisfaction. 
 My sole desire is to preserve intact. 
 This head and body, which the awkward fact 
 Of yielding to the Prince's supplication, 
 Expo>es to a sudden separation. 
 Queen. If of your whole reque-^t that is " the tottle" 
 Upon my toilet table stands a bottle 
 Filled with sulphuric ether, which if smelt 
 Som^> moments er»^ tht fatal blow is dealt. 
 Your head beneath the sword or axe may fall 
 Without your feeling any pain at all ! 
 Quj. Pardon me once again, most gracious Queen, 
 But that is not at all the thinij I mean. 
 My head an<t body wisn to stick together 
 To sin? — " IIow happy could 1 be with ether,' 
 Is not mv object — I should bf quite loth 
 To part witii either — I would keep them both.
 
 20 
 
 Pri. Poor Quiver knows the temper of my fatlier. 
 
 Queen. Is King Brown so tyrannical then ? 
 
 Qui. Rather — 
 
 About the edges — 
 Queen, Come then both with me, 
 
 My guests awhile in fair Arcadia be. 
 Fri. With all my heart — but how are we to go? 
 
 Is there_a railway ? 
 Qui. ' There's a branch — 
 
 Queen. Just so. 
 
 With Fairy Pastorella's kind assistance 
 
 From here to there will scarce seem any distance. 
 
 AIR. — {Jenny hind's Farewell.) 
 
 Queen. 
 
 So away we go to a far off land, 
 
 Where awhile your home shall be. 
 And perhaps you may find in that bright new world 
 
 The fair one you wish to see. 
 The trembling throng in your father's halls 
 
 You'll chan2;e for a happy band, 
 \ud you'll jump for joy, '• I believe you, my boy!" 
 
 At the sight of my fairy land. 
 
 The Scene changes to 
 
 ScKNE v.— THK BOWERS OF ARCADIA. 
 
 The Staye is filled with Shepherds if Shepherdesses. 
 
 CHORUS.— (fi'cAo Quadrille.) 
 
 Hail ! Hail ! Ilail to our Queen, 
 
 Too long absent she's been. 
 
 Hom« now, welcome her all, 
 
 Sing, dance, keep up the ball. 
 
 Come Hastorella, our friendly fay, 
 
 Dance to our rustical roundelay. 
 
 Here let us gambol, 
 
 Revel and ramble. 
 
 Till the " star company" «'er our heads 
 
 Bids us sheer off to our sweet Hock beds.
 
 21 
 
 BALLET. 
 
 ■s. 
 
 PAS DE DEUX A LA WATTEAU. 
 
 »y Mr.GILBKRTan.l Miss BALLIN. 
 
 PAS DE DITTO A LA CATCHAFAiRY, 
 By Mr. and Miss MARSHALL. 
 
 Arcadian Maziirka-Polka and Pastoral Gallopade, 
 
 Bv Meschim^'S BurbiJcre, Herbert, Clair, Dou'^la-, Fiiiart, 
 
 "E. ( ee, Ford, Sidney. Healey, S. I'ealey, E. Mercer, 
 
 Simmonds, Hunt, E Hunt, Collier, 'E. Heaiey. 
 
 END OF ACT I. 
 
 ACT SECOND. 
 
 Scene L-GALLERY IN THE PALACK 
 OF KING BROWN. 
 
 In centre a Large Window, the shy,tters of which 
 are closed. 
 
 FiUNCEss DuMPV discovered sealed in a Gothic chair. 
 Guards in attendance. 
 
 SuiVANTA brought on by Guards. .ds curtain rises 
 Guards exit R. h. 
 
 Sui. Madame, your patience is to me provoking, 
 
 I would put up with such affront from no king ! 
 Licarct'rated in this model prison : 
 Except our own — to look no mortal phiz on ! 
 Write to your fatlier — bid him make a racket. 
 
 Prin. 1 ha\e, but they refused to post my packet.
 
 22 
 
 Sui, Could'nt they get it through the office gate ; 
 
 Or did it much exceed a hundred weight? 
 
 For put but heads enough upon the elf, 
 
 And you might post the post-master himself. 
 Prin. 'Twas not iis size — but should my sighs transpire, 
 
 They feared the weight they might have with my sire. 
 
 To bribe the guaid 1 made a vain endeavour, 
 
 They're bound to take no note of us whatever. 
 Sui. Oh, tliat old bear, King Brown ! Look ma'am, just 
 see 
 
 la what a prison polka he's put me. 
 
 SONG. 
 {Old Joe, or Somebody in the House with Dinah.) 
 
 SUIVANTA. 
 
 Old King Brown he kicked up a din, 
 
 And this prison polka he put me in, 
 
 I said 'twas too short : but he answered, " stuff !'' 
 
 " Ere you get another, 'twill be long enough !" 
 
 O what *• a Joe," — what an " old Joe !" — 
 
 A very " old Joe !" — 
 
 Old Joe Miller made the joke before, 
 
 But nothing tells better that a goo J old Joe! — 
 
 How many are the wits that I know. 
 
 How many are the wits [ kno>V, 
 
 How many are the wits that I know, 
 
 Trading upon poor old Joe ! — 
 
 Many good things said funny old Joe, 
 
 Which were printed in a book long ago] 
 
 Old Joe's hook is now very rare, 
 
 But they take leaves out of it everywhere. 
 
 What old Joe's ! yes, old Joe's ! — 
 
 Such old Joe's I 
 
 Old Joe Miller made *em all before, 
 
 But nothing tells better than a good old Joe, 
 
 How many are the wits that I know, &c. 
 
 Sui. If one could hail somebody parsing by. 
 
 But that old-fashioned window's up so high. 
 That I can hardly reach to ope the shutter, 
 And then, perhaps, it looks out on the gutter. 
 [ Opens shutters and discovers a painted window — on one 
 side the figure of the Princess, oh the other a 
 
 t^HEPHERD. 
 
 Oh, Madam! oh, your Highness, only see! 
 Prin. W hy there's a little figure, just like me ;
 
 23 
 
 And gazing on her from the other panp, 
 
 A young and very handsome shepherd swain, 
 
 Who looks as with her he would be acquainted, 
 
 Sui. O, what a pity that he's only painted! 
 
 In his whole figure there is not one flaw, 
 And finer eyes in glass I never saw. 
 
 Prin. I'll speak to him, as though alive he were. 
 
 Sui. You'd better then address him — -"Glass, with care." 
 
 Prin. Say, gentle Shepherd ! 
 
 [The figure moves, 
 
 Ah. I'm all amazement. 
 The figure sure is moving in tlie casement ! 
 
 [ Tht figure of the Princess lecomes also animaled. 
 
 Sui. And this moves too ! — I don't know what's occurring, 
 But certainly the incident is stirring. 
 
 [Symphony to glee, 
 
 Prin. Hark! Music, which Jullien's even surpasses. 
 Sui. The window is paned sure with musical glasses. 
 
 GLEE.— cr/«e Wreath.) 
 
 Figure of Princess. 
 
 Shepherd, tell me, tell me, have you seen 
 
 An ea^le fly this way ? 
 He is the lover of Arcadia's queen. 
 
 And Pastorella's prmcely protegS. 
 
 Shepherd. 
 Yes, round and round this round tow'r, oft before 
 
 He's flown at evening's stilly close. 
 And in his beak the branch he bore, 
 
 With which you are to char.ge him, I suppose. 
 
 Princess and Suivanta. 
 Sheoherdjtell us, tell u«, pray what can you mean, 
 
 What can you mean — by what you seem to say? 
 Where is this eafjle to he sef'n ? 
 
 And who, and who is Pastorella pray ? 
 
 Sui. Stay you imperfect speakers, tell us more. 
 
 [ Fiijures move slowly off. 
 
 What is behind — that we've not heard before. 
 Say on wh^t pround glass you appear t > chuzzle us, 
 And why you've taken all these pains to puzzle us ? 
 
 [ The figures disappear.
 
 24 
 
 The glass had bubbles in it when 'twas blown. 
 
 Aiid ihese are ot them — 
 J^rin. W hither have they flown ? ■ 
 
 Siii. As with a diamond,— cut out of their pane. 
 
 Left us \nours- and but the window, plain. 
 
 [Wind'iw closes. 
 
 Like the old story of the bear and fiddle, 
 
 Begun, but broke off in the very middle. 
 Prin. Wouldtheyhad siaid — awindowshoulrt haveihrown 
 
 More light upon a subject of its own. 
 
 I'll tax It with unkindness — 
 'S'mj Hold, ma'am, pray, 
 
 Wmdows are taxed enough, another way. 
 
 But certainly it wasn't very civil. 
 Prin. It opens ! 
 
 [Ihe eagle apptars at it with the golden branch. 
 
 Sui. [Frightened, and dropping on her knees] Oh, the 
 
 devil, ma'am, the devil ! 
 Prin. Suivanta! silly girl, don't be absurd, 
 
 'Tis but an eigie — such a nob'e bird ! 
 
 Perched in the gutter, why what can it mean? 
 Sill. The finest gutter percher ever seen. 
 Prin. And in its beak it bears a golden sprig. 
 Swl. An eagle with a branch — then, ma'am, I Iwig — 
 Prin. You twig ? 
 Sui. Yes ; with it give him a slight pal, 
 
 And say — "There, take your change, sir, out of 
 that." 
 Prin. Suivantct 1 Would'nt that be very bold ? 
 Suiv. 'Twas what the shepherd in the glass foretold 
 
 Would happen — ai.d what is to be you know 
 
 Comes usually to pa«s. 
 Prin. It must be so — 
 
 Prin. Hand me the talisman, and for a freak 
 
 I will ao boldly up before the beak ! 
 Suiv. This eagle may with safety fly a kite 
 
 He's gold enough to cash a bill at sight. 
 
 What a fine partner in a bank he'd make, 
 
 A branch with so much gold would never break. 
 
 [hi'dc. Suivanta irhcels the PniNCESS vp to the 
 cindow, on the sidt of which th( eagle is perching.
 
 25 
 
 INCANTATION.— (r//e Fine Old English Gentleman.) 
 
 Princess. 
 If you are a bird, as you appear to be, 
 You will not moult a feather at the ticklinsf of this tree, 
 B"'t if you are a gentleman, upon your honor and word, 
 Why then behave as such, and be no more a dicky bird. 
 
 [ Touches the eagle with the branch. The bird disap- 
 pears, S;iti its plact is seen Prince Transimenus. 
 
 SUIVANTA. 
 
 Oh, Gemini ! He's a fine young fairy gentleman. 
 
 One of the modern time. 
 
 Pri?i. Who are you, sir? 
 
 Tra. With gratitude most fervent, 
 
 Madam, I am your very humble servant! 
 
 Sui. [Aside.] Well that is what I call a handsome chap, 
 At him I certamly must set my cap ! 
 
 Tra. How ma}' I best my gratitude evince, 
 Speak, and upon my honor as a prince 
 There's nothing in my power 1 will refuse. 
 
 Sui. If he asked me I know what I would choose. 
 And that's himself! 
 
 Prin. Sir, I am more than paid 
 
 In seeing what a charming change I've made, 
 And only hope 'tis not too blight to last. 
 
 2'ra. I'vi been expecting it for some time past. 
 Two centuries have now elapsed since I 
 Was literally forced my realm to fly. 
 Duiincj which time, though always in high feather, 
 I've been beneath a cloud for years together. 
 Driven, though a prince, like any common snner, 
 To trust to my own talons for a dmner. 
 ISKtters have sometimes gone so very ill 
 I could r.u>e nothing, even on my bill. 
 Whilst dr.iwn upon by needy bows at sight, 
 I've had an ariowish escape by flight. 
 And but for being rather a liigh mounter 
 My days had ended in the Poultry counter. 
 
 Sui. Had ever bird so sad a tal*^ to spread ? [Exit r ii. 
 
 Tra. Aly tale is told — so no more on that head. 
 But ere I hop tiie twig — 1 mean depart — ■ 
 I must some way relieve my grateful heart. 
 You [lo Princess] have beeu put into this cage — 
 Excuse — 
 I mean this prison — because you refuse
 
 26 
 
 To pair with, that is, wed, the ugly chick — 
 Son, I should say, of an old 8[un — who'd stick 
 At nothing which would help his nest to feather, 
 I mean by which he could scrape wealth together. 
 But, gentle Princess, banish all alarm. 
 Beneath my powerful wing — I mean my arm — 
 I beg your pardon, it is too absurd. 
 But when a man has been so long a bird — 
 
 Pri7i. Pray don't apologize — your meaning's clear. 
 
 Tra. You must no longer mope in sadness here, 
 But beautiful as you are good and kind, 
 A lover worthy your affection find ! 
 In fairy Pastorella's name — Behold 
 In turn I touch you with this branch of gold. 
 
 Touches Princess, who springs to her feet, and appears as a 
 beautiful Shepherdess, the same as seen in the magic book. 
 
 Tra. Arise ! you're now as lovely as you're kind, 
 
 [Leads I-'rincess to glass. 
 I've changed your person — don't you change your 
 mind. 
 
 [_Re-eiiter Suivanta, r. h] 
 
 Siii. Oh ! Madam, what on earth has come to pass? 
 
 I too am changed into a rustic lass. 
 Tra. And now the fairest, as you are the best, 
 
 Come — in Arcadia be by Cupid blest. 
 
 Scene II.— A PASTORAL LANDSCAPE. 
 
 Li front, a Beech Tree, under which Quiver, in 
 shepherd's attire, is seated, playing on a pipe. 
 PiiiNCE Peerless, in the costume of the shepherd 
 seen in the painted window, is reclining on a bank 
 on the opposite side guarding Ais sheep. 
 
 Tra. Beneath the shade yon beechen boughs diffuse, 
 
 See Tityrus invokes his sylvan muse. 
 
 While youthful Corydon recounts his love, 
 
 And for his Phillis fills with sighs the grove. 
 Prin. O sir, in mercy tell me, who is Phillis ? 
 'Jra. Yourself. 
 Prin Oh! joy. 
 
 Tra. [To Suivanta.] And vou are Amaryllis' 
 
 Till further notice. Take good he«d of that. 
 
 Nor from the bag emancipate the cat
 
 27 
 
 Until I bid you. Foes are mischief brewing: — 
 Love without prudenceMeads too oft to ruin. 
 
 [Exit Transimenus, r- h. 
 
 Prill. He goes. 
 
 Sui. And don't say when he'll come again. 
 
 Prin. And leaves us here alone — 
 Sui. With two younsf men ! 
 
 Prin. Who wont leave us alone, perhaps— let's run — 
 Sui. It's too late. They have seen us. [^sz'rfe] O what fun. 
 And see where yonder strefched upon the grass 
 The very shepherd we saw in the glass ! 
 Prin. Where are we in the name of all the Magi ? 
 Pri. [Addressing Quiver.] 
 
 "Tityre tu patulae recubans sub tegmine fagi — " 
 Prin, Suivanta I Hark, what language does he speak? 
 Sui. It may be Latin, but to me it's Greek. 
 
 [Prince and Quiver rise, and advance toward" the 
 Ladies — the Prince salutes the Princess, and they 
 return in conversation, l. h., whilst Suivanta ad. 
 dresses Quiver. 
 Sui. Pray shepherd can you play upon this pipe! 
 Qui. In course I can. 
 
 Sui. Then play me " Cherry ripe." 
 
 Qui. What's " Cherry ripe f" 
 Sui. A song I'm partial to. 
 
 Qui. Then sing it me — as I can't play it you. 
 AIR. — {Cherry ripe.) 
 Suivanta. 
 Cherry ripe, cherry ripe — ripe, I cry, 
 That's the ballad you should buy, 
 Herrick's sparkling poetry, 
 Horn's true English melody. 
 Let the belle of London balls. 
 Dream she " dwelt in marbie halls." 
 Let the husband she would get, 
 Hope they " may be happy yet ;" 
 But cherry ripe, cherry ripe, still I cry, 
 'Twas a spell, in years gone by. 
 Must it yield the prize of song, 
 To " Lucy Neal," or " Lucy Long ?" 
 No — though Yankees black to view. 
 May be cherry colour too. 
 " Old Dan Tucker," with " Jim Crow," 
 To Old Virginny back shall go — 
 And cherry ripe, cherry ripe, still to me, 
 Shall the sweetest ballad be.
 
 28 
 
 [Re-enter Phince and Princess, l. h. The Prince aai 
 Quiver advance and offer garlands— the Prince to the 
 Princess, au(i Quiver to Suivanta. 
 
 QUARTETTE. 
 
 {Minuet de la Cour and Gavotte de Vestris.) 
 
 Prince ftwrf Quiver. 
 
 Fairest nymph, all nymphs excelling. 
 Take this wreath, my passion telling. 
 Beauty such as thine compelling 
 Every shepherd's heart to love. 
 
 Princess and Suivanta. 
 Gentle swam, the wreath you're weaving, 
 Pray excuse me from receiving. 
 Mert, alas, there's no believing, 
 Faithless they too often prove ! 
 Prince and Quiver. 
 Say,^by what name may I address you? 
 
 Princess. 
 Phillis— 
 
 Prince. 
 A goddess I should guess you. 
 
 Suivanta. 
 Mine, sir, is Amaryllis. 
 
 Quiver. 
 
 Bless youl 
 1 never saw your like before. 
 
 Prince. 
 Corydon here the shepherds name mCo 
 
 Quiver. 
 "Tityrus dear" the nymphs proclaim me. 
 
 BOTU. 
 
 But you alone could thus inflame me. 
 
 The lovely Phillis. 1 t j r 
 c .A II- /■ I adore I 
 
 oweet Amaryllis. J 
 
 GAVOTTE. 
 
 Princess. 
 Oh! Amaryllis, love has set my heart on fiie " 
 
 Suivanta. 
 Oh! Phillis, I as deep am in the mire
 
 29 
 
 PRIXCtSS. 
 
 In quite a fearful fashion foi Corydon it burns! 
 
 SuiVANTA. 
 
 And mine the tender passion of Tityrus returns. 
 
 Princess. 
 Young Corydon without a rival reigns, reigns, reigns! 
 
 SUIVANTA. 
 
 Sweet Tityrus the sweetot is of swains, swains, swains! 
 
 Enter Queen Benignanta, meeting Prince Tr\nsimenus, 
 each attended by a shepherds and shepherdesses. 
 
 CHORUS.— {Acts and Galatea.) 
 
 O ! the pleasures of the plains, 
 Happy nymphs and happy swains. 
 Benignaiita ! Transimenus! 
 Joy with them forever reigns. 
 
 TRANSATLANTIC MEDLEY PAS DE DEUX. 
 By Prince Transimenls and Princess. 
 
 \ Exeunt omnes. 
 
 [/?e-enfer Princess, followed by Prince Peerless.] 
 
 Pri. Too lovely maid, ah wherefore dost thou fly roe ? 
 
 Prin. Sweet shepherd, if you please don't come a-ni^h me. 
 
 Pri. What from her Corydon can Phiilis fear ? 
 
 Prin- Making herself too cheap, and him too dear ! 
 Besides no longer ou^ht i here to stay. 
 " The curfew sounds the knell of parting day. 
 The lowing herds wind slowly o'er the lea," 
 And there are yet no lodginsis found for me. 
 
 Pri.. I have a lodging in Lamb's-Conduit Street, 
 Genteelly furnished, small, but very neat. 
 To occupy it if you'll but consent 
 I'll never ask you for a farthing's rent. 
 
 Pnn. Lodge at a bachelor's 1 Vou don't expect 
 I should do anything so incorrect. 
 If you were married — 
 
 Pri. 'Tis my wish to be. 
 
 If lovely Phiilis will but marry me. 
 
 Prin, Alas 1 fond shepherd, [ am n.t of age. 
 And a stern father did my hand ens^age 
 To one of a much higher rank than ynu. 
 
 Pri. I question that, sweet maid, if all you knew.
 
 80 
 
 Prin. What are you not the shepherd that you look ? 
 Pri. O yes, I am a shepherd [umle] with a houk ! 
 
 But in Arcadia princes tend their sheep. 
 Prin. Are you a prince? 
 Pri. Dear Phillis — can you keep 
 
 A secret? 
 Pri. {Aside ] O how shall I keep my own ! 
 Prin. I -im a prince, and yet may cldim a throne, 
 
 Winch with my Phillis 1 would gladly sl^are 
 Prin. Then shepherd know I also am — 
 Transimenm appearing amongst the trees I t. h.. Beware. 
 Pri. What voice was that ? 
 Pri. A friendly warning to me. 
 
 For breach of promise somebody might sue me. 
 
 () let me fly from you, while fly I can. 
 
 Do, there's a dear, good-natured, little man ! 
 
 AIR. — CLa Barcarole.) 
 
 Prince. 
 O stay my blushing beauty. 
 
 Let love thy steps enchain. 
 And bfg of cruel duty 
 
 That she will call again. 
 No black sheep of a lover 
 
 To fleece my lamb am I ! 
 Some love for me discover. 
 
 Oh try! Oh try! Oh try! 
 
 On some fine summer morning. 
 
 If I must hope give o'er. 
 You'll find, I give you warning, 
 
 My death laid at your door. 
 And if at your bedside leering, 
 
 Some night a ghost you spy, 
 Don't be surprised at hearing, 
 
 •Tis I, 'tis I, 'tis I ! 
 
 {Exit Prince and Frixcess, r. m 
 
 Enter Quiver and Suivanta l. h. 
 
 Qui. To Amaryllis love compels my way. 
 
 My grazing sheep up Gray's-Inn Lane may stray. 
 Sui. You'll lose a lamb while you are following me. 
 Qui. I'm a lost mutton since I gazed on thee ! 
 <S'mi. Am I a bell-wether to lead j'ou so ? 
 Qui. You are my belle, whether I will or no!
 
 
 Sal. Go, cast 9n eye upon your sheep, man, do, 
 
 Qui. No, let me stay, and c ist sheep's eyes at you — • 
 The fairpsl ewe — the lamb that I would fold 
 In these fond arms. 
 
 Sui. Shepherd, you grow too bold. 
 
 Qui. My passion's growin j every moment stronger, 
 I can't and won't live single any lon£;er. 
 O, Amaryllis on your shepherd look, 
 Mine you must be by hook love, or by crook. 
 Regard your Tityrus without a titter. 
 And say where would 3'ou find a husband fitter, 
 
 Sui. [Aside] A husband? — that deserves consideration, 
 And yet, to wed a person of his station — • 
 How t) refiue him? It is very hard — 
 If he were but a captain of the guard I 
 
 DUET.— {The Swiss Girl.) 
 
 Quiver. 
 Oh ! hear me, pretty Miss ! 
 
 Come tend the fiucks with me, 
 We'll cut a shine amongst 
 
 These boors of Arcady ! 
 
 SuiVANTA. 
 
 No, no strange doubts my bosom fill — 
 Tho' simple maid, I'm not so greea 
 
 To follow thee — at least, until 
 The ring and licence 1 have seen. 
 
 Quiver. 
 Oh, come with me, I'll wed you there, 
 'Pon honor, bright and fair. 
 
 SUIVANTA. 
 
 No, no, no, — I'm very well here, 
 
 Contented, sir, to stay. 
 I never trust men's honours. 
 
 So I wish you, sir, good day ! 
 
 Quiver. 
 Oh 1 hear me, preity Miss 
 
 Both. 
 La, 11, ut, li, ui! 
 
 L I, la, la, &c.
 
 32 
 
 Quiver. 
 My cottage shall be thine, 
 
 At Shepherd's Bush 'tis found 
 With kitchen garden, paddock green. 
 
 No end of pleasure ground ! 
 
 SUIVAKTA. 
 
 No, no, I'd rather single live, 
 
 Than wed a man almost unknown ; 
 And find, when I'd no more to give, 
 
 I dared not call my soul my own ! 
 
 QuiVEH, 
 
 Say yes — your slave I'll be with pride. 
 Oh, say thou'lt be my bride ! 
 
 SUIVANTA. 
 
 No, no, no, I'm very well so, 
 
 Contented here I'll stay, 
 And ever free and happy, 
 
 Sing and drive old care away ! La, la, la, X.c. 
 
 Quiver. 
 Oh, say thou'lt be ray bride ! 
 La, la, la, &c. 
 
 [Exit SUIVANTA, L. H. 
 
 Qui. 1 die, and death shall finish all my pam ! 
 
 [Enter Prince hastily, R- n.] 
 Pri. Where's Phillis? I have sought for her in vain ! 
 
 Speak, wretch, I'm sure thou knowest. 
 Qui. Who, sir? I, sir ? 
 
 You might as well have asked me "Where's Isliza !" 
 Pri. Run ! Fly! Haste, seek her, over hill, through gruve. 
 
 I've lost myself— it I have lost my love : 
 
 AIR. — {Through the wood.) 
 
 Princk 
 Through the wood ! through the wood follow, and mind you. 
 
 Hunt, hoop, and holloa! dash forward pell-mell. 
 Run as if Old Nick himself were behind you. 
 
 For if you don't find her I'll wallop you well. 
 Look in at "The Barleymow"— call at " The Rose;'' 
 
 Into the cells of the station-house peep. 
 Weary with looking for lodgings, wlio knows 
 
 The rural police may have caught her — a-sleep ! 
 
 Through the wood, &c. 
 
 [Exeunt Prince and Quiver.
 
 33 
 
 Scene III.— A FOREST. 
 
 Enter Blueruino, l.h., %cho beckons an Humguffin, r.h., 
 and Mandragora. l. h., then Exits l. h. 
 
 Man. Wlu' how now, brotlier ? you look very grumpy. 
 
 Hum. Have I not reason, beldame i young Prince HuiHj»y 
 Has roused Queen Benignanta from her nap. 
 And Princess Dumpy helped that dandy chap 
 To cast off the strong pinions that he wore; 
 And take up arms again>t us as before. 
 
 Man. Are you sure, brother, that this news is true ? 
 
 Hum. Positive — its in all the papers too — 
 
 The Magic Times— the Fairy Morning Post — 
 The Daily Spectre, and the Evening Ghost. 
 I just lounged in to take an ice at Grange's, 
 And saw it headed " Fashionable Changes." 
 Read and convince yourself, if you doubt yet, 
 Here's the Official Conjuror's Gazette. 
 
 Man. [Reading.'] "Queen Benignanta at the Royal Bower, 
 Arcadia, from a tour." 
 
 Hum. Misprint for " Tower." 
 
 Man. [continuing^ " Prince Transimenusj in Transport- 
 man Square, 
 After a lengthened sojourn in the air." 
 
 Hum. There's no mistake — Hemlock and Donnabella ! 
 This is the work of that vile Pastorella. 
 If with her branch of Entertaining Knowledge 
 She's to show up the black arts of our college, 
 There'll not be left one superstitious fogie, 
 And babes will laugh when threatened with Old 
 Bogie! 
 
 Man. What's to be done 1 
 
 Hum. Why all the harm wp can 
 
 Whilst power is left us o'er the mind of man ! 
 To work with every fiend in darkness nurst! 
 Let Knowledge do her best — we'll do our worst ! 
 Man, A mortal footstep ! Who comes here so late? 
 
 Ham. A female by tlie style and by the gate. 
 
 Pretty and young. Sister — Ahem! Begone. 
 Man. O brother! well you are a wicked one ! 
 
 \_Em.t Mandragora, r. h.
 
 34 
 
 HuMGUFFiN retires, u. e. r. h. Enter Princess, l. h. 
 
 Prin. In this bewildering wood I've lost my way, 
 To shun temptation I have gone astray. 
 A country life will not suit me 'tis plain. 
 Bred in a court — I'm bothered in a lane. 
 And in a forest where no road I see. 
 As Jonathan would say — " I'm up a tree !" 
 Is there no human being within hail — 
 
 [HuMGUFFiN re-appears, disguised as an old man, 
 with a sloff.'j 
 
 yes ! Ito him] " Turn gentle hermit of the dale, 
 And guide my lonely way." 
 
 Hum. With pleasure, maid. 
 
 [Aside,] As I'm a conjuror the very jade 
 Who made a man again of Transimenus — 
 
 1 owe you one for that, my little Venus ! 
 
 DUO. — HuMGUFFiN and Princess. 
 
 HUMGUFFIN. 
 
 Where are you going to, my pretty maid ? 
 
 PniNCESS. 
 
 Going astray, sir, I'm afraid. 
 
 HUMGUFFIN. 
 
 What came you into this wood to seek? 
 
 Princess. 
 Lodgings to let, sir, by the week, 
 
 HuMGUFFIN. 
 
 My wife has an attic, if iliat will do ? 
 
 Princess. 
 O yes if you please, sir, and thank you too. 
 
 \_Exeunt Humguffin and Princess, r h. 
 
 Enter Prince, l. h. 
 Pri. O for a falconer's voice, my own I'll strain 
 To lure my tassel — gentle, back again. 
 
 AIR. — {Fra poco a me recovero.) 
 
 PaiNCE. 
 
 I've poked in every cover, O ! — 
 
 But all without avail — I) ! — 
 And now, poor wretched lover, O! 
 
 My hopes begin to tail, O ! —
 
 35 
 
 None know how much I miss her, O! — 
 
 Man caimot comfort me ! — 
 Since from these fond arms she flies-a, 
 In " The Times" I'll advertise her, 
 And have bills of every size-a, 
 Stuck all over— stuck all over Town to tell, 
 The sad loss of her I prize-a, 
 (As they did about Eliza.) 
 To return I will advise her. 
 To the friends wlio'll use her well ! 
 Oh yes! I'll advertise her. 
 To return 1 will advise her, 
 To the friends who'll use her well ! 
 
 Pre. Nought can I see, the wood's as dark as pitch! 
 
 LRe-enter Mandragora. 
 
 Ma7i. Whom seek you shepherd ? 
 
 Pri. Not you, you old witch. 
 
 Ma7i. (>ld witch ! 
 
 prj. But if you are a witch — be kind 
 
 And tell me where I may ray Phillis find ! 
 Alaji. A sheptierdess ? 
 
 Pri Oh, yes, whom I adore. 
 
 Man. Then, silly swain, don't do so any more. 
 
 For she's a false one — 
 Prt. Yahe one ! You're another' 
 
 Man. I say your Phillis boiled with my brother. 
 
 Hut if ihe chase jou are inclined to follow, 
 
 Ri.;ht through the wood I'll give you the view 
 hollow ! 
 
 Enter Blueruino, l. h. 
 
 \At a sign from Mandragora, Blceruino causes the 
 trees to divide and show ihe Enchanter's Castle hy 
 m onlight — Humguffin is seen guiding Princess 
 towards it. 
 
 Now, Shepherd, an I worthy of belief? 
 Pri. It is my Phillis! Ho, police ! Stop thief! 
 
 LExit hastily, u. E. l. h, 
 
 Man. Old Witch ! I'll make you rue that word, young 
 sv<agperer, 
 Ii' 1 dou'i wiith you, my name's not Mandragora ! 
 
 [Exit iVJANDRAGORA, V. E. L. H .
 
 36 
 
 Scene iv.— THE SPIRIT VAULTS, 
 
 In much the same state theii were Two Hundred Years 
 
 before. 
 
 Enter Humguffin and Princess, l. h. 
 
 Hum. Walk in and make yourself at home, my dear. 
 Pnn. At home ! Alas, I'm all abroad I fear — 
 
 Are you the master of this house ? 
 Hum. To show it 
 
 I'll make you mistress. 
 Prill. Not sir, if I know it. 
 
 Where is your wife ? 
 Hum. My love, I never had one. 
 
 Prin. I'm very mucli afraid that you're a bad one. 
 
 Hence let me fly — 
 
 [^She attempts to go out, hut is prevented by Blueruino, 
 
 Hum. Ha, ha ! Fly, Princess, do — 
 
 My web's too strong for such a fly as you. 
 You are no shepherdess, but don't look so sheepish ; 
 In love with you I've tumbled rather deepish! 
 My name's Humguffin. 
 
 Prin' And you look the part. 
 
 Hum, I condescend to off"er you my heart — 
 
 Be Mrs. Humguffin, and share my pelf — 
 My palace — 
 
 Prin- Me ! I think I see myself- 
 
 Hum. Pause ere you answer. 
 
 Prin. No, at once — paws off". 
 
 hum. Sad is the fate of those at me who scofi". 
 Observe those bottles, in due order set, 
 Filled with the strongest spirits 1 could get; 
 A drop from one of those, and you would be 
 A beast, bird, insect, reptile, vile to see — 
 Therefore, once n:ore, beware how you decline. 
 
 Prin. Your ardent spirits cannot conquer mine — 
 " I'd rather be a toad," as says Othello, 
 Then wife of such a horrible old fellow ! 
 
 Hum. Youwould! — then mybold belle I'll try yourmettle, 
 I have an old account with you to settle. 
 A toad you shall he, traitress, in a twinkling. 
 
 [^Tukes down a rial, and taking out the stopper 
 sprinkles some oj the contents upon Aer.]
 
 37 
 
 This " leprous distillation" o'er you sprinkling — 
 Confouna it! — Somebody has changed the stoppers. 
 This is the compound essence of grasshoppers ! 
 
 [TAe Princess disappears, and a grasshopper is 
 seen in her place ] 
 
 Yes, there she is, a grasshopper. 
 
 ''The grasshopper vanishes in the same manner us 
 Princess. 
 
 And zounds! 
 With one spring she has hopped out of my bounds. 
 
 Enter Mandhagora. 
 Ma7i. Oh, brother, 1 have caught a man. 
 Hum. At last! 
 
 Man. Aye, you may sneer, but 'tis of value vast, 
 
 I've lured Prince Humpy hither ! 
 Hum. What the chap 
 
 Who roused Queen Benignanta from her nap? 
 Man. The very same — see where he comes, in search 
 
 Of your new flame, who left him in the lurch. 
 
 The pretty Pliiilis. 
 Hum. Ho ! my rival too. 
 
 Then his arrival he shall dearly rue. 
 Man. Where is the weneh? 
 Hum. By some unlucky blunder 
 
 Turned to a grasshopper — but, fire and thunder ! 
 
 This meddler shan't escape with so much ease. 
 Man. Nay 1 shall deal with him, sir, if you please. 
 
 Enter Prince r. h. 
 Pi-i. Where is my love? Restore her to my arms. 
 Man. Audacious Prince, who has despised my charms. 
 
 Your love's a grasshopper I 
 Pri. What have I heard ? 
 
 Man. And you sliall be a little Initclier bird 
 
 That feeds on grasshoppers — so if )0u meet her 
 
 The cliances are you'll snap her up, and eat her. 
 Pri. I be the butciier of my own pet iamb, 
 
 You cannot be in earnest, Maam — 
 Man. -I am 
 
 As this shall prove. 
 
 \_'['akes down a vial and sprinlles him vnlh it. The 
 Princk disappears and a Cricket is si en in his 
 place.
 
 38 
 
 How now! why he's a cricket. 
 
 [The cricket vanishes. 
 And run to earth before 1 had time to stick it. 
 Hum. Another blunder. Sister, we're betrayed ! 
 Some bottle imp on us a trick has played, 
 And changed the draughts without the doctor's order: 
 Our labratory's in complete disorder. 
 Of mischief, half the spirits gone, and more — 
 And not a single mixture as before. 
 
 The Fairy Pastobella rises. 
 
 Fai. I rise, sir, to explain— that imp am I. 
 
 Hum. I thought she had some finger in the pie. 
 
 Fai. Tlie time is come to stop your private still. 
 With ignorance in darkness brewing ill! 
 To make of simple mortals beasts and brutes 
 The Spirit of the Age no longer suits. 
 To your black art she scorns to be a debtor, 
 Her object is to change man for the better ; 
 And benefitting those e'en who despise her, 
 Would make men merrier as she makes them wiser, 
 And while she makes a jest of old wives' stories 
 Leaves their bright morals m. their ancient glories. 
 
 Scene changes to] 
 
 GOLDEN GARDENS and FAIRY T?^EE 
 
 OF LNTERTAINING KNOWLEDGE 
 
 IN ALL ITS BRANCHES. 
 
 In the hollow of the Trunk are seen the Grasshopper and 
 the Cricket. 
 
 Enter Prince TRansimenus, Queen Benignanta, 
 SuivANTA and Quiver, l h. 
 
 Sui. I hope we don't intrude, but 'twould appear 
 To seek intelligence we should come here ; 
 To find our friends we're told this is the ticket. 
 
 Fai. The Prince is here, as merry as a cricket. 
 
 Qui. To ask after the Princess is it proper ? 
 
 Fai. She's here, and she shall sing like a grasshopper.
 
 S9 
 
 Tree opens, ana aiscovers the guardian spirits of its leavos. 
 Tlie Grasshopper and Cricket disappear. 
 
 And enter c. Prince Peerless and Princess. 
 Arcadians, r, and l. 
 
 FINALE.— (ZJora Pasquale.) 
 
 Prince. 
 
 The " Golden Branch" 
 By friends so staanch. 
 In this parterre now planted, 
 
 A Christmas tree 
 
 Of mirth shall be 
 By all good spirits haunted ; 
 
 And every shoot 
 
 Again take root 
 Within this soil enchanted, 
 
 To flourish, and nourish 
 
 Us with its golden fruit! 
 
 SOLO. — (La Truandaise.) 
 
 SUIVANTA. 
 
 Merrily, merrily, 
 
 Ariel-like, beneath the bough here. 
 Merrily, merrily. 
 
 By your leaves, shall we live now here ? 
 Merrily, merrily, 
 
 Let the " Golden Branch" succeeding 
 Be a branch to Fortune leading 
 
 Mine and me 1 
 
 Chorus. 
 Merrily, merrily, &c. 
 
 THE END. 
 
 S. G. Fairbrother, Priuter, 31, Bow Street, Covent Garden.
 
 ~,> 
 
 ■ tl 
 
 J t 
 
 y
 
 EKING 
 ivvC^O K S : 
 
 AN ORIGINAL FAIHY EXTRAVAGANZA, 
 
 (Pounded upon the Cocntess D'Anois* Story, "La Princesse Rosetts") 
 
 By J. R. PLANCHE, Esq. 
 
 AUTHOB OP 
 
 Fortunio; The Fair One with the Golden Locks; The WhJte C»t; 
 
 Beauty and the Beast; The Sleeping Beauty; (iraciosa and 
 
 Percinet; The Birds of Aristophanes; The (joldeu 
 
 Fleece; The Invisible I'rince; 
 
 The Golden Branch, &c. 
 
 Correctly Printed from the Prompt Book,^^thIislta, 
 Entrances, &.c. 
 
 FIRST PERFORMED AT THE 
 
 ^<^5^^^ (^5<^««^ ^rjcafrc, 
 
 TUESDAY, DECEMBER 26th. 1848, 
 
 LONDON : 
 
 PUBLISHED BT S. G. FAIRBROTHER, BOW STREET, 
 
 AND W. STRANGE, PATERNOSTER ROW; 
 
 iOLD ALSO BY G. BERGER, HOLYWELL STREF.T, STR\KD 
 
 C.HARRIS, BOW STREET; WISEHEART, DUBLIN ; 
 
 AND ALL BOOKSELLERS. 
 
 PRICE ONE SHILLING.
 
 DRAMATIS PERSONJB. 
 
 ISLANDERS AND INLANDERS. 
 
 Argui, the Brilliant- Eyed, (King of the Peacocks) 
 
 Madame VESTRIS 
 
 Floritel, the Fair, (King of the Verdant Valley) 
 
 Miss KATHLEEN FITZWILLIAM 
 
 Priace Jessamy, .... (his Brother) .... Miss J. COLEMAN 
 
 Poo-lee-ha-lee, (Captain and Part Owner of 
 
 the Chinese Junk) Mr HARLEY 
 
 Soyer-Tranquille, ..fCAe/ cfe Cuisine to H. M. 
 
 the King of the Peacocks) Mr SELB Y 
 
 O Dont-know-who, (pronounced " 0' DoTwghue," — 
 
 a Milesian Mr H, HALL 
 
 Pago of the Back Stairs, Mr KERRIDGE 
 
 Princess Rosetta, ( Sister to Flori:el) 
 
 Miss LOUISA HOWARD 
 
 Baroness Von Huggermugger (Ex-Ntirse 
 
 and Gouvemante) Mrs M ACNAMARA 
 
 Rumfijsina, . . . (Daughter of the Baroness) , , . Mi§s FRIGHT 
 
 FAIRTLANDERS. 
 
 Fkiry Faithful, (a loyal " Old Fairy-lander "J 
 
 Miss MARSHALL 
 
 Fairy Fickle, (a fast " Young Fairy-lander " ) 
 
 Miss L. MARSHALL 
 
 A May-fly, (sueh as may fly in Fairy Land — 
 
 quite "■aLusus Naturce") Mr JOHN REEVE 
 
 Fretillon, . .'• a green dog with one ear" . . Mr H. MARSHALL 
 
 A Smart Breeze or Ocean Swell Mr MARSHALL 
 
 OUTLANDER. 
 
 The Great Sea Serpent, {as far as you can see serpent) 
 
 Mr ENDLESS
 
 TO 
 
 GEORGE PEACOCK, Esq. 
 
 AND 
 
 THE BELLES OF HIS FAMILY, 
 
 IM EECOLLECTION OF THE PLEASAUT WEEK 
 rXBSBO Df THEIB^SOCIETY, DURISG THE AUTUMN OF 1848, 
 
 THIS EXTRAVAGANZA 
 
 IS INSCEIBED BT 
 
 THEIR OBUGED FEIEJJB, 
 
 THE AUTHOR.
 
 THE KING 
 
 OF 
 
 THE PEACOCKS. 
 
 ACT I.— SCENE I. 
 
 Pleasure hardens and Chateau dela 
 Beaiite iu the Terdaut Valley. 
 
 As the curtain rises to Fairy Music, Fairy pAirnFiL 
 descends l. h., and as soon as she touches the stage, a 
 rose tree opens r. h. ant? Fairy Fickle appears. 
 
 Fairy Faithful and Fairy Fickle meeting. 
 
 Fie (r.) Well, Fairy Faithful, what's the news with you ? 
 
 Fai (l.) Ah! Fairy Fickle, sad as it is true! 
 
 Fie. Stands Elf Land where it did when I was last thert? 
 
 Fai. Alas ! poor country! sorry scenes have past there ! 
 Like others it has had its revolution — 
 The silly Elves would have a constitution — 
 Not seein? that the whole domain of Faiiy 
 Was nothing if it wasn't visionary. 
 KingOberon at first defied opinion, 
 And fought for Fancy's absolute dominion— 
 But finding modern Science lent her aid 
 His fairest passages to barrica'?!e. 
 He broke his hly sceptre in despair. 
 And fled with Queen Titania — Heav'n knows where! 
 
 Fin. And what of tiiis "emeute '' was the conclusion ? 
 
 Fai. Nothing but anarchy ami wild confusion — 
 The empire of the Fairies is no mo'c — 
 Hea?on has banished them from ev'ry shore, 
 Steam has outstripped their dragons and their cars; 
 Gas has eclipsed their glow-worms and their stars 
 Robbed of the legends of their golden age. 
 Mortals make sport of them upm the stage; 
 And all the poeiry of ancient limes 
 Frofaue by paltry puns, and doggrel rhyze*
 
 6 
 
 Jiff. So much the better ! Novelty for me 
 In any shape — I love a cliange to see ! 
 For musty codes I've not the least compassion ; 
 Let me be anything — but out of fashion ! 
 
 Fai. Faitliful by nature, as I am by name. 
 
 Such vile inconstancy I vjew with shame ! 
 
 '' Gofd people" we were called in olden days — 
 
 We may hf wi<.er— -but not better Fays. 
 
 Fie. We never did af;ree— and never can — 
 
 The world turns round — and so, of course, must man. 
 Then why should Fairy.land of all we survey, 
 Be never in its turn — turned topsy-turvy ? 
 I'm for the new lights of this woud'rous age — 
 No Fairy-land — except upon the stage! 
 
 Fai- In my allegiance I will falter never! 
 King Oberon and Fairy land for ever ! 
 
 Faihy Faithful and Fairy Fickle. 
 
 DUET.— Tti;o Merry Gypsies. 
 Two Rival Fairies are we, 
 And we never yet could agree. 
 So this vbin debate, 
 Now to terminate. 
 War to the wand let it be. 
 
 Fairy Faithful, 
 Hither since we both have flown, 
 Let the trial of skill be shown. 
 In this flowery dell, 
 Where the magical spell 
 Of each, can be worked unknown. 
 
 Together. 
 Two Rival Fairies, &c. 
 
 Fie. War to the wand then ! I will east a spell 
 On ihe fair sister of King Florizel, 
 And set her brain some crotchet running after, 
 Which shall make all her doings food for laughter. 
 
 Fai. Be it my tayk the Princess to defend, 
 
 And, through her trials, be her constant friend. 
 To day slie leaves the tow'r in which she has been 
 Immured from chddhood. She is just fifteen, 
 Fresh as arose, begemmed with morning dew. 
 
 Fie " Fresh as a four year old," we now say. 
 
 Her royal brothers come to set her free. 
 Pic That's liberty and true fraternity ! 
 
 [Fairies retire to oppcatU tiUt
 
 Enter King Florizel Prince Jessamy and Court. 
 
 Flo. Fifteen revolvina, suns have crossed the water. 
 Since our late father shut up his sole daughter 
 Within >on tow'r, to pass her lonely days. 
 And shun the fate foretold by gossip Fay«, 
 NVho trumped up some portentous tale or other, 
 To frighten into fits our nervous mother. 
 But having now succeeded to the Crown, 
 We'll smile at stars, if they attempt to frown. 
 And let the Princ^ss frenly run about, 
 As her poor mother cannot know she's out. 
 And we have passed our royal word as King, 
 That our fair sister should '•' come out" this spring. 
 
 Jes. (l.) No lonoer shall she linger " all amort;" 
 Come, Sister, and presented be at Court. 
 
 Opening door of tower, and leading forward Princfss 
 RosETTA, who is accompanied hy the Baroness Vo.t 
 
 HUGGERMUGGER. 
 
 Ros. (c.) Insolvent as I am in thanks, affection 
 
 Tells me in this Court I shall finJ protection. 
 I take the benefit of the act, but will 
 Count myself. Sir, your grateful debtor still. 
 
 Flo. (r.> Sweet sister, we, your brother, moved with pity, 
 Present you with the freedom of the city, 
 Permission our own halls your tent to pitch in — 
 Wine, coal? and candles, and the run of the kitchen. 
 
 Jet. Our next care, brother, must be to provide 
 A hand-ome bridegroom for so fair a bride; 
 Some wealthy Prince, some mighty King or Kaiser. 
 
 Ros. I ! marry ! 
 
 Flo- Marry, why not ? 
 
 Hot. By-and-bye, sir. 
 
 Let me awhile enjoy my liberty ; 
 I who through sky liglns only saw the sky, 
 Am quite enchanted with my mother earth, 
 To wiiom I have been a stranger from my birth. 
 The hills, the vallies. and the flowery mazes. 
 No end of heartsease, and no lack o' daisies ! 
 
 [Faiuy Fickle waves a wand, and a Peaeoik 
 appears on a branch, r. f. 
 
 And, oh ! what beauteous bird do I behold, 
 Who yonder does a wond'rous tail untold. 
 Displaying such a siijhl of eyes the tips in, 
 All spectacles I ever saw eclipsing !
 
 8 
 
 Fio. 'Tis called a peacock, 'lis the bird of Juno — 
 Ros. Is there a king of theniT 
 Flo. Can't say I do know ; 
 
 Bos. I hope there is, for, brother, on my life, 
 
 No other creature shall e'er call me wife ! 
 
 I've sworn it, 
 Flo. Rash Rosetta, what d'ye mean ? 
 
 Ros. If there's a King of Peacocks I'm his Quei-n. 
 Jes. A King of Peacocks, wildest ol vagaries! 
 Flo. Oh ! rather say, t!ie King of the Canaries ! 
 
 I think I've heard of him — 
 Ros. But / wont hear 
 
 Of him, or any other? 
 Jcs. Dear, 
 
 How que^r! 
 Ros. So brother, if you love me, as you say, 
 
 Find out Ins Majesty without delay ! 
 
 King Florizel a??c^ Chorus. 
 AIR — " Thus when a good houseiii/eP 
 
 O never Was such a whim in the head 
 
 Of a Princess Royal taken. 
 How to find the King she wants to wed, 
 
 Would i)uzzle Friai Bacon ! 
 For him her heart goes pit-a-pat, 
 
 Her nose up at all others >he cocks! 
 For no king does she care — that! 
 
 Excepting tha King of the Peacccks. 
 
 CHORUS. 
 For him her heart, &c. 
 
 Flo. But, sister, should there no such person be? 
 
 Ros. Then I will wed no person — 
 
 Jts. Or, if he 
 
 Should turn out, after all, to be a bird { 
 
 Ros. I'll wed him all the tame for that. 
 
 Flo. Absurd I 
 
 Jtos. I don't see that at all — you'll own, at least, 
 I'd better wed a biid than wed a beast — 
 As far too many hapless vvonien do. 
 
 Jes. Upon my honor, brother, that is true ! 
 
 And by the knightly spurs I daily sigh for, 
 
 This King of Peacocks I'll hunt far and nigh for ! 
 
 I swear it to the Peacock and tl)e ladies 
 
 The vow by gallant knights that always made is
 
 9 
 
 Flo. Shall T be outdone by my little brother ? 
 No ! if you so a-head — I'll go anothe^! 
 To find a sovereign, I will risk a crown, 
 And bring; my nobles all to nine pence down. 
 
 lios. Oh, happy sister, who can brothers find 
 
 Not more than kin, but moie, much more than kind. 
 
 Flo. llosetta,vve appoint you Princess Regent, 
 During our absence. 
 
 Bos. Sir, your most obedient ! 
 
 I'll rule your kingdom for you, never fear. 
 Petticoat government's in favour here. 
 But which rodd do you take? 
 
 Flo. " The King's road," till 
 
 We come to "the world's end," if 'tis there still — 
 But the world's been of lale so queerly spinning, 
 What was the end may now be the beginning. 
 However, •' Luck's a lord," and may provide 
 A special train, not marked in"Bradshaw's Guide.' 
 
 King Florizel. 
 
 AIR — Norma. 
 
 REGIT. 
 
 Farewell, dearest Rosetta — come my brother, 
 Let's embrace — another and yet another. 
 
 AIR. 
 
 If I but this peacock see. 
 He shall wed you by proxy; 
 And wiih deli<;ht, intoxi- 
 
 Cated, I'll hon)e return. 
 The bells set-a-ringmg, 
 " Old Rose" my subjects singing, 
 And in the bonfire flinging 
 
 The bellows all to burn. 
 
 \Exeunt King Florizel and Prince jES9AMy,u.E.L.B. 
 
 2?o». So here am I left in a court to play 
 
 At being Queen — a fine game I dare say — 
 And apropos of game, I beg to mention. 
 To preserve peacocks, it is rny intention, 
 Strictly — Whoever dares one kill, or eat. 
 Shall quickly find such food for him's not meat: 
 And any flaw, in pf-acock's feathers trick'd out. 
 Shall of our court immediately be kick'd out.
 
 10 
 
 Fai- [Advancing; and aside."] If such the fate of all in 
 borrowed plumes, 
 How very thin 'twould make some drawing rooms! 
 Her love of truth assists my good design; 
 Arise, my trusty sprite, in form canine! 
 
 [Fretillon rises suddenly up a trap, l. h. Exit 
 Fairy Faithful. 
 Ros. Bless me ! what curious creature have we here ? 
 Bar. A green dog. Madam — and with hut one earl 
 
 The horrid fright. 
 Ros, Say rather odd and funny — 
 
 For such a poodle, I'd give any money. 
 Dressed in a ruff, too, and a scarlet jerkin, 
 Like Punch's Toby! Green though as a gherkin : 
 Poor fellow, see how prettily he begs, 
 
 [Fretillon begs and dancet. 
 And dances, too, upon his hinder legs. 
 Bar. The little monster is as green as spinach. 
 
 Bred in the Isle of Dogs, just facing Greenwich ; 
 Where at the fair, no doubt they have often shown 
 him. 
 Ros. To whom does he belong? does no one own him? 
 Then I will, for the darling's worth a million ! 
 Upon his collar is a name " Fretillon!" 
 Fretillon ! there, he answers to it, see ! 
 My pretty Fretty, will you follow me? 
 
 [Fretillon barks and botes. 
 No dog could bark a plainer " yes," I vow, 
 And what a bow he makes for a bow-wow. 
 I'll have him daily washed, and combed, and shaved. 
 There never was a dog so well behaved ; 
 He'll make the best of courtiers, I expect. 
 Despite his odd auricular defect. 
 
 Princess Rosetta and Chorus. 
 AlR— "Bow noTV." 
 Thisdoghas but oneear,and so his memory may bother one. 
 For what goes in at that one ear, cannot go out at t'other 
 
 one, 
 Bttt then he has two qualities, on which to place depend- 
 
 ance, 
 There's none at court can better beg or longer dance 
 attendance. 
 
 Chorus. 
 Bow wow, wow. Tol de riddle, &c. 
 [Sxeunt Princess Rosetta a7id the Baroness, and all 
 the Court, u. e., l. h.
 
 11 
 
 SCENE II. 
 The old Original l^orld's End. 
 
 Enter King FLORiZELa?jaJ Pkince Jessamy. (r. h.) 
 
 Flo. This farthest shore, washed by the farthest sea, 
 Was once supposed the old world's end to be. 
 And here abouts is Queen INIab's house of call — 
 Jes. Or, where it used to stand, like liicks's hall, 
 Flo. True; for from hence all Fairy ground is measured 
 And back fare paid to sites in memory treasured, 
 When nurse and grand 'dame told their tales of 
 
 mystery. 
 Before the new '« cliild's night lights" dawn'd on 
 
 histor)^, 
 The march of intellect is quite terrific. 
 No tales tell now unless they're scientific. 
 
 SONG — King Florizel. 
 
 AI R — Meyerbeer. 
 No, no, no. 
 
 No little books bound in gilt paper, 
 At Tabart's or at Tegg's. 
 Now tell how Jack made Giants caper, 
 • Nor how sly Puss in boots, whea funds ran taper, 
 His cat's paw made of use. 
 Percinet forgets his duty — 
 Wide awake; the Sleeping Beauty, 
 Now would teach Mother Goose 
 How to suck golden eggs ! 
 Gone are Mother Bunch's glories. 
 Their wonder and their fun, 
 Swamp'd by Peter Parley's stories— 
 Of all the little Jack-a-Norys, 
 The Story now is done! 
 
 Here on the verge of fancy, with facility. 
 
 We can o'erlook tbe bounds of probability. 
 
 But to inquire our way, we must begin. 
 Jet. Without a house we can't "inquire within." 
 Flo. No mortal can I see, upon this coast, 
 
 Nor upon cither hand, a finger post. 
 
 No rail, no road, no carriage— but oh, my! 
 
 Here comes a most extraordinary Fly 1 
 Jet. A most extraordinary Fly-man rallier — 
 
 Of all the Daddy-long-legs, sure the father. 
 £'/j^er May-Fly. l. u.
 
 12 
 
 May-Fly. 
 A\R—rd be a Butter ftj. 
 Start not, I'm but a fly, 
 Come for an hour, 
 
 To Paul Pry abjut after anything sweet. 
 In Fairy Land I'.r. thouglit, 
 Of May-flies the flowi-r. 
 A lusus naturae remarkably neat. 
 If th(-'re is anythmg. Sir, in my power, 
 
 I shall be happy your wishes to meet ; 
 For though 1 am but a fly out on a trjur, 
 
 I don't stand on trifles with such legs and fee?. 
 
 In the land that I've flown from, 
 
 Whai here you call dumb thiui^s, 
 
 Are commonly blest with the gift of the gab. 
 
 Birds, Beasts, Fishes, Insects, 
 
 Do all sorts ut rum things ; 
 
 And leaves are loquacious, 
 
 And blossoms can blab, 
 
 Besides, you've in town had a talking Canary, 
 And a Mouse that indulged in a musical vein, 
 nd 1 know a Blue-bottle who lodged in the area. 
 Of the Old Whistling Oyster close by DruryLane. 
 
 Flo. There couldn't be a May-fly more polite. 
 Fly. Embrace me ! 
 
 pio. Willingly, if you don't bite. 
 
 Fly. Not I ; a May-fly neither bites nor stings, 
 
 Come to ray arms— that is, my legs and wings. 
 
 \They embrace. 
 Flo. Pray can you tell us where, on any ground, 
 
 There is a King of Peacocks to ba found ? 
 Fly. The King of Peacocks! to be sure I can — 
 
 A friend of mine, a very fine young man ! 
 Jes. Young man ! he hasn't wings then like a bird ? 
 Fly. No, but "■ the sweetest voice I ever heard," 
 
 Like Sterne's " Maria.'" 
 Jes. What a well. read Fly ! 
 
 Some book-worm must have bred him certainly. 
 Flo. And are his subjects men and wooaen ? 
 
 Fly. -^ll* 
 
 Except the babbies. 
 Flo. Wherefore do they call 
 
 Him King of the Peacocks then ? 
 Fly. A title merely 
 
 The King of Bantam's not a bantam. 
 Flo. Clearly.
 
 13 
 
 Fly. The Emperor of Turkey's not a turkey. 
 
 Flo. Granted — but still the reason's somewhat murky. 
 
 Fly. His name is Argus, surnamed Bnlliant-eyed, 
 His royal arms, a peacock in its pride; 
 Peacockia is the land o'er which he reigns. 
 And full of peacocks are its groves and plains; 
 His coach of state is drawn by six fine pair, 
 And peacocks' plumes his guards and pages wear; 
 Even bis gallant tars, whate'er the weather, 
 Are scarcely so much tar as they are feather. 
 
 Flo. And can we reach Peacockia by this route ? 
 
 Fly. Yes, but you've gone a long way round about; 
 As the bird flies it's scarcely a stone's throw. 
 
 Jes. But as we're, not birds, we that road can't go. 
 
 Fly. Well, if you like to hire a fly, I'm ready, 
 
 My springs are easy and my pace is steady. 
 1 11 take you both, and never stop to bait, 
 And set you down close by the city gate. 
 
 Flo. And what will be your charge for so much trouble? 
 
 Fly. Well, two bobs and a tizzy ! 
 
 Flo. I'll give double ! 
 
 [Gives him a crown piec 
 
 DUO — Florizel and May-Fly 
 
 AIR — Fancy waft me. 
 Florizel. 
 
 May-fly waft me, on golden pinions 
 
 To the land you know so well, 
 Where the Peacocks have their dominions 
 
 And their King cuts such a swell. 
 There we'll tell him the simple story 
 Ot tlie sister in whom we glory, 
 May-fly waft us, &c. 
 
 May-Fly. " 
 
 Yes, I'll waft you to that dominion. 
 
 And the Peacock's Crown Hotel 
 For you've risen in my opinion. 
 
 Since so nobly out you shell. 
 Don't be afraid of tailing. 
 Off his stand a fly thus calling — 
 Safe he'll waft you, &c. [Exeunt l.h. 
 
 The Scene sinks and discovers,
 
 14 
 SCENE III. 
 
 Crates of the City, and Palace of the Min^ 
 of the Peacocks. 
 
 Grand March and Procession. 
 
 Enter King of the Peacocks, c. in a car drann by twelve 
 ■peacocks, attended by Guards and Banners, Sfc, and 
 from L. H., May-Fly, Florizel, and Jessamy. 
 Fly advances, l. c. 
 
 Arg. Who interrupts us in our expedition? 
 
 Fly. Two foreign gentlemen, who crave permission, 
 
 To pay their homage to Peacockia's King. 
 Arg. I'm glad to see folks wlio'U pay any thing, 
 
 In these disjointed times, who may you be, 
 
 And of what nation ? 
 Flo. Mighty monarch, we 
 
 Are like yourself, of royal birth. 
 
 Indeed ! 
 Flo. I am King Florizel. 
 Arg. A King! proceed. 
 
 Flo. This is Prince Jessamy, my only brother, 
 
 Because — 
 
 Arg, Because you haven't got another. 
 
 Flo. Exactly so, but I've a sister who 
 
 Has fallen, strange to say, in love with yon. 
 
 -/irg. How, "Strange to say?'' That's scarce polite, what 
 mean you ? 
 
 Flo. 'Twould not be strange, sir, if she'd ever seen you. 
 But at this date, she knows no more that there is 
 A King of Peacocks, than a Mrs. Harrfs, 
 Charmed by one bird, such as you drive a team of, 
 No other husband but their king, she'd dream of. 
 
 tdrg. [upside.] Tliey must be lunatics, or will be soon. 
 
 [To Fly] Pray did you bring these beauties from the moon ? 
 
 Fly. No, from the world's end. 
 
 Arg, Take them back to find 
 
 Their wits, which they have lost, or left beiund. 
 
 Flo. We've therefore travelled to this new-formed land, 
 To offer you our dearest sister's hand. 
 
 Arg. Your offer is most liberal, I grant. 
 
 Flo. And you accept-=» 
 
 ^rg. Unfoitunately can't ! 
 
 fes. Don't say you can't !
 
 15 
 
 '^rg. Well, if you like it better, 
 
 ril say I sha'nt. 
 ^io. Shan't wed Princess Rosetta ! 
 
 Look on her picture ere you plump refuse her. 
 
 [Givhig miniature. 
 Ar^. [aside] I've no doubt she's as ugly as Medusa 
 
 [Opening and starting. 
 
 Oh! all ye lovely loves, and gracious graces ! 
 
 My heart is wounded in a thousand places. 
 
 A frontispiece so fair has never been 
 
 To any earthly book of beauty seen ! 
 
 For one neck half so white, I'll take my oath, 
 
 The swan with two necks would have given both. 
 
 Ringlets, "The Fair One with ihe Golden Hair;'' 
 
 Had shaved her own, a wig of such to wear! 
 
 Two lips from rose leaves, which have learned their 
 parts ; 
 
 Eyes, that are hooks and eyes, to fasten hearts! 
 
 Two Cupid's arrows, 'neath two Cupid's bows! 
 
 And then a nose — oh! Goodness knows! it blows 
 
 All other noses clean out of the water ! 
 
 And is this miracle — your father's daughter! 
 Flo. My father's wife said so— and those who doubt it 
 
 Had better not say anything about it ! 
 Arg. I'll only say, if such your sister's face. 
 
 Your offer I'm delighted to embrace, 
 
 And shall not rest till I embrace her too ! 
 Jes. We'll fetch her. 
 
 ^'^g- No ! deuce fetch me if you do. 
 
 You are my prisoners. If she's as handsome 
 As she is painted, her hand pays your ransom ; 
 But if not so confessed by all beholders 
 I'll have your faces taken off your shoulders! 
 
 Flo. A bargain ! I agree to this ! 
 
 •^««- And I. 
 
 But who shall fetch her ? 
 
 ^'■^- Why not send the Fly, 
 
 That brought you hither, back for her? 
 Flo- Hold there ! 
 
 For such a carriage she s too high a fair ; 
 
 Besides her very sight might quite upset him. 
 Jes, Suppose we write a letter, and just let him 
 
 Drop it as he goes by our door.
 
 16 
 
 Flo. My ring 
 
 Will do as well [giving it.} Go ! say we've found 
 the King 
 
 We sought for— that our point we've with hijn 
 carried ; 
 
 And beg she'll come at once here to be married. 
 Jes. No word of our condition, it might scare her 
 
 And spoil her looks. 
 Fly. But who's to pay the bearer ? 
 
 Arg. Here is an order on my treasury. 
 
 So put your best foot foremost, Fly, and fly. 
 
 King Argus. 
 AIR— Afa Brunetta, 
 
 Fly good Fly to my Rosetta, 
 
 Bid her haste to get a — 
 Board her gondoletta. 
 
 In a fever say I fret — ah — 
 
 Which she alone can cure 
 I'm Peacock sure. 
 If the sweet eyes on which I'm gazing 
 
 Have such a power at second sight, 
 How will they set my bosom blazing, 
 
 Beaming with Love's electric light. 
 How will her cheeks of living posies. 
 
 Put to the blush this painted pair, 
 And prove a real " Feast of Koses," 
 
 In lieu of but a " F'ancy Fair." 
 Fly, good fly, &c, 
 
 TUTTI. 
 
 Fly, good fly, to < our V Rosetta. &c. 
 i. my J 
 Bid her haste, &c. 
 Bid her, &c. 
 
 Say, the wound with which he's met — ah— 
 She alone can cure. 
 He's Peacock sure. [Exitl^i^y. 
 
 Scene closes on Tableau.
 
 17 
 SCENE IV. 
 lEIoiue Parkin the Yerdant Valley. 
 
 Enter Rosetta. and Baroness. 
 
 Sar. Madam, affairs of weight demand your care. 
 Eos. Tell my Prime Minister that's his affair ; 
 
 If weiahty matteis on my head must fall, 
 
 My minister I shan't think prime at all ! 
 
 Where is my Fretillon, my darling pet ? ■ ' 
 
 Bar, Madam, your dignity you quite forget. 
 Ros. Don't talk of dignity and state to me. 
 
 In neither any happiness I see! 
 
 Of politics I can't discern the merits, 
 
 And this eternal reigning damps my spirits. 
 
 I'd rather roam the fields, and dance the hay 
 
 With my dear dog — 
 Bar. ' Your dog has had his day. 
 
 To higher objects you shuuld turn your mind 
 
 And let him turn a-spit. 
 Mos He's too refined 
 
 For such a service ! No base cur is he, 
 
 But most distinguished for his curtesy. 
 
 As hateful to me as my old dark tower. 
 
 Were my gay bower, without ray sweet bow-wow-er 
 
 Princess Rosetta. 
 AIR — Ml/ Dog and my Gun- 
 On matters of state 
 Let others debate 
 
 For pleasure to me it is none ; 
 I care not a jot 
 For plan or for plot, 
 
 Wliilst 1 have my dog and my fun. 
 
 Bar. 'Tis really too bad that this vile green poodle 
 
 Should of your Royal Highness make a noodle I 
 Pardon my freedom — but by me brought up, I 
 Can't see you blindly led by such a puppy. 
 
 Ros. He is no puppy— but were such the case. 
 Are puppies in a court so out of place .' 
 Or was there never princess known before 
 Who prized a puppy far beyond a bnre ? 
 
 [Fretillon barks ivithout, it. 
 Hark ! that's his bark, he bounds yon streamlet by, 
 W hat is he chasing ?
 
 IS 
 
 J3ar. An enormous Fly, 
 
 jRos He's caught it too 
 
 [Fly without, r.] Oh ! you young dog, don't bite so 
 
 Ros. A Fly that speaks! amazing, aint it? 
 
 Bar. Quite so. 
 
 Enter Fretillon with Fly, r. 
 Fiij. Madam, pray call your dog off from my shanks, 
 Ros. Fretillon! let eo, sir, directly ! 
 Ply, ' Tiianks. 
 
 Ros- Excuse his zeal, you're not an every-day Fly. 
 Fly. No! I'm a Mand agon, or Fairy-May-Fly, 
 
 Order Neuroptera — the rarest known. 
 
 Even in Fairy Land, from whence I've flown. 
 
 Not found in any work on Entomology, 
 
 But for my presence this is my apology. 
 
 {Gives ring, 
 
 Ros. My hrother's signet, he's alive and well? 
 
 Fl^. Health to his lister selld^ Kirig Florizel. 
 
 The Sovereign of the Peacocks he has seen 
 Who begs you'll hasten to become his Queen. 
 
 May-Fly. 
 
 AIR — Lord Lovell. 
 
 King Florizel stood at the Old World's end, 
 A wondering how to proceed, 
 When who but 1 should chance to come by, 
 A flying at pretty good speed— good speed, &c. 
 
 " Oh, where are you going Lord love ye," I said, 
 "And what did you come for lo see ? 
 •'The King of the Peacocks," he answered. 
 " If you can tell me where he may be — may be." 
 
 I told him I could, and I'd take him safe there, 
 With his brother — for half a crown. 
 And he said like a King, he must double the fare. 
 And he paid without stickling down— down, down. 
 
 I flew and I flew with them off like a shot, 
 
 To the King of the Peacock's Empire, 
 
 Where they shew'd him a picture of you they had got, 
 
 Which his Majesty much did admire — mire, mire. 
 
 And so with this ring, I was bid to take wing, 
 As they'd no time to vvriie you a letter; 
 And say if you mean to become a great Queen, 
 The sooner you be come — the better, better, better.
 
 19 
 
 Ros. Oil, joyful news I Become his queen, in>ieed ! 
 Aye, that I will, with all becoming speed ! 
 But whereabouts may his dominions be ? 
 And how am I to go, by land or sea ? 
 
 Fli/. Bv sea — this chartWill tell you how to steer, 
 Bv public laugh to 'scape each private tear. 
 What points to make, what straits you'll have to run 
 
 thro', 
 And what confounded flats you may be done thro'. 
 
 Ros. 'Tis well, no dangers shall ray heart appal, 
 
 A Chinese junk lies moored near yon black wall, 
 I'll witii her cable give my train the slip. 
 And get her anchor, and myself, a trip. 
 Go fetch the captain, there's a good do?, hie ! 
 
 [Exit Fke. l. 
 And you, good honey nurse, upon the sly. 
 Haste to my wardrobe, pack up all my traps. 
 For such indeel, are women's gowns and caps. 
 With me, I shall but take you and your daughter, 
 And my dear dog, who like a duck takes water! 
 
 Bar. Were it not well to weigh the consequence ? 
 
 Ros. 1 will weigh nothuig but the anchor, hence. 
 
 [E.vit Bar. r. 
 Now don't go buzzing this about, Fly. 
 
 Fli/. ^lum. 
 
 But here I take it is the captain come. 
 Enter Fretillon with Poo-lee-ha-lee, i. 
 
 TRIO ROSETTA, POO-LEE-UA-LEE, AND MaY-FlY. 
 
 ROSETTA. 
 
 aIR — John Highland Man. 
 John Chinaman, I wish to go, 
 To a land, perhaps, which you don't know. 
 But I'll pay you well, if you'll aid any plan. 
 And take me aboard of your Chinaman ! 
 Sing hey, my good John Chinaman; 
 Sing ho, my brave John Chinaman ; 
 In short, sing what you like, or can. 
 But don't say " no." John Chinaman 1 
 
 POO-LEE-HA-LEE. 
 
 AIR — Bronze Horse. 
 " Sing hi !'' "sing ho!'' if you sing so, 
 Chinee lingo you seem to know ; 
 So yeo — heave-ho! I swear by Fo! 
 To fare so fair, I can't say no.
 
 20 
 
 Blow high, blow low, the Junk shall go, 
 Wheree'r you show, the wish to row. 
 The Bronze horse he, an ass would be 
 Compared to the Junk going free. 
 Which o'er the sea, skips like a flea 
 So follow me — Foo-lee-ha-lee. 
 
 [Exeunt Poo-lee-ha-lee a?2^ Rosltta, l. 
 
 May-Fly to Fretillon. 
 
 AIR— The Three Flies. 
 
 Now you young dog, about to roam, 
 Take my advice and stay at home ; 
 For 'twixt ourselves, I warn you now, 
 These Chinese people eat " bow-wow' 
 And some fine day, its likely you. 
 May find yourself in such a slew! 
 So take this lesson from a fly — 
 They'll think you quite a luxury. 
 
 [The Dog and Fhj polk off, l. 
 
 SCENE V. 
 
 Deck of the CMiiese Jank. 
 
 Poo-LEE-HA-LEE cliscovered ossisthig the Princess oii board. 
 The Chinese Sailors assist the Baron ess and Rumfizina, 
 and the Dog jumps on board — luggage, Sj-c. is brought 
 over the side and taken off, l 2 e. Seats r and l, with a 
 rnatirass u e r h, a large mantle is placed near it. 
 
 Ros. Now good, sweet nurse, why dost thou look so sad ? 
 
 Bar. Fy! how my bones ache, what a job I've had! 
 
 Ros V faith, I'm sorry that thou art not well. 
 
 Bar, I feel so very pourly, you can't tell, 
 
 My head spins round so, 1 can scarcely see things. 
 Amongst this ugly set of China tea things, 
 At every breath of wind my fear increases. 
 The Slightest shock may break 'em all to pieces. 
 
 Poo. Avast there ma'am, [crosses to c] 1 say the best of 
 Jack Tars 
 Are those who, 'mongst the breakers, prove they're 
 crack tars. 
 
 Ros. I'm sure I hope you'll all remain whole sailors. 
 
 Though by your heads, you look more like retailers. 
 
 Poo. Aye, aye ! we're never out of pig-tail here. 
 
 And scud under bare poles, marm, without fear, 
 Our ship so handled no sea ever swampt her, 
 For each man knows his cue without a prompter.
 
 21 
 
 Jios. Captain, upon my word, you rather smart are, 
 
 Are you an English tar ? 
 Poo. No, I'm a Tar-tar,^ 
 
 Bos. Born at Canton perhaps, or Hong Kong. ' 
 
 At Chel-sea, but my dad came from JSing-t'o, 
 He sailed to Eugland one fine day in spring, 
 And there he saw the beautiful Nan-King, 
 Who kept a chma shop in Cheyne Walk. 
 He never told his love, he couldn't talk 
 English, so he made signals, but so plain, 
 She understood, and answered him again. 
 And so they married, to his signal joy, 
 And I was born a little Peeking Boy. 
 But now a seaman stout all danger in 
 A daring man though not a Mandarin. 
 
 POO-LEE-HA-LEE. 
 
 AlK— Jolly Young Waterman. 
 
 Oh. did you ne'er hear of a jolly young Waterman, 
 Who near Blackfriars-bridge used for to ply. 
 Because, if you did, 'twouldn't take much dexterity. 
 To prove that young Waterman, ma'am, wasn't I. 
 He looked so neat, and he row'd so steadily, 
 Sucn a mistake might have been made readily. 
 But your oaih you may take, before any Lord Mayor, 
 That this here young Waterman wasn't that there. 
 
 Tios. And what came of your father and your mother ? 
 Poo. Why after ■me, there came my little brother 
 Ros. No, no ; I mean what was their fate, their lot ? 
 Poo. Went back first to Ning-Po, and then to Pot, 
 
 Made prisoners by a horde of Manchoos grim, 
 
 The wrtrtches toasted her and roasted him 1 
 Ros. Poor boddies! 
 Bar. Captain! how long shall we be? 
 
 I'm sick of seeing nothing but the sta ! 
 Poo. We're but just out of port. 
 Bar. Then bring some sherry, 
 
 For I feel qualmish. 
 Ros. Nay, sweet nurse, be merry. 
 
 Sai. Land, captain ! 
 Poo. Land ! Where ? 
 
 Sai, On the starboard bow ! 
 
 Bar. Yes, land, by all means— anywheie or how.
 
 22 
 
 Poo. Impossible! — my glass [Sailor gives Wl We 
 can't be uigh land — 
 
 It's moving ! 
 Ros. Some quick sand or floating island ! 
 
 Poo. A chain of mountains, going through the water, 
 
 And bearing fast down on cur weather quarter ! 
 Ros. No, 'tis alive! — some black leg of the deep 
 
 Gambling and sporting — a sea monster sweep ! 
 Poo. Tell that to the marines! A bet I'll lay 
 
 It's the sea serpent, spoken by McQuae; 
 
 And if he's in a sweep for sporting folks. 
 
 It won't be for the Derby — but the Hoax ! 
 
 Yes! there's his head, no one e'er saw his tail ! 
 Bar. What is he like ? 
 Poo. Why very like a whale ! 
 
 [The Sea Serpent heaves in sight. 
 
 I'll hail him ! Snake, a-lioy ! 
 Sea Ser. The same to you ! 
 
 And many of 'em ! 
 Poo. Where are you bouud to l 
 
 Sea Ser. The Admiralty — I am rather late, 
 
 Promised to dine with the First Lord at eight. 
 Ros. Dine at the Admiralty ! with the First Lord ! 
 Poo. Not the first odd fish they've seen at their board. 
 
 And he can tell 'em something 'bout the ocean, 
 
 Of which some naval lords ne'er had a notion. 
 
 [E.rit Serpent, Sailors retire' 
 
 Ros. It's getting dark, I feel inclined to sleep ; 
 
 Deeply I'll slumber on the slumbering deep ! 
 
 Spread, Baroness, our royal mantle o'er us 
 
 Here on the deck — 
 Poo. Will that be thought c?ecorous ? 
 
 Res. No matter — I cannot turn in below — 
 
 That horrid berth would be my death, I know ! 
 
 " Here will I lie to-night,"' and you, my sweet, 
 
 My faithful Fretillon, lie at my feel. 
 
 [Music. Ros. stretches herself on a mattrass, u. 
 which is placed on the deck. Fre. lies at her 
 feet. The Bar. covers ker over. Fairy Fickle. 
 appears, l. u. e. Baroness sits l. u. e. 
 
 Fickle. Now is the witching time of night, in which 
 Those who are wicked may behave as sich. 
 Into yon nurse's brain a sudden thought I call. 
 So naughty, it must needs be nautical. 
 
 [Waxes her wand over the Bar.'s head, l. u. e., and exit.
 
 23 
 
 Bar, Something shot through my head! It seems confused 
 too — 
 
 It roust be an idea — which I'm not used to — 
 
 It is a bright idea, yet a dark one. 
 
 She sleeps— there's nobody about to mark one. 
 
 Hist ! Captain ! sure the coast we must be nearing. 
 Poo. Not yet, marm. 
 
 Bar. Step this way, just out of hearing. 
 
 Poo. Aye, aye, marm. 
 Bar. Tell me candidly — 
 
 Poo. Well— what.? 
 
 Bar. Would you just join me in a little plot, 
 
 To make a little fortune with much ease? 
 Poo. I'd rather make a great one, if you please. 
 Bar. Then say a great one- 
 Poo. Then I'll not say no. 
 Bar. Vou'U not betray your friend ? 
 Poo. 1 swear, by Fo ! 
 
 If I be'ray you, shiver ail my chop sticks ! 
 
 So out Willi whatsoever in your ciop sticks. 
 Bar. The matter's delicate, I must confess — 
 
 Help rne to make away with the Princess! 
 Poo. To make away ! 
 Bar. Aye, pop her in the water, 
 
 And make a way to empire for my daughter. 
 Poo. How? 
 Bar. To the King of Peacocks we will carry her, 
 
 And as Princess Rosetta he will marry her. 
 Poo. Will he? Suppose he don't ? 
 Bar. Oh ! don't suppose 
 
 Any such thing ! When drest in her fine clothes 
 
 My girl will look as well as she and better. 
 
 Fine feathers ipake fine birds. You'll drow 
 Rosetta'? 
 Poo. I must drown something else first. 
 Bar. What, the dog? 
 
 Poo. No, marm, my conscience. 
 Bar. So you shall in grog ! 
 
 I've in this case some rare Jamaica rum. 
 Poo. Well, in that case, then, hand us over some ! 
 Bar. Just clap your nose to it. 
 Poo. {smelling] Oh ! crikey, Bill! 
 
 Bar. Put this in any liquid thing you will. 
 
 For if your head were (orly limes as strong- 
 'Twould mal<e you tipsy — neat — 
 Poo. \_toising it off'\ Your health and song.
 
 24 
 
 Bar. {aside) Good gracious ! half the bottle down he sent ! 
 
 He's a rum customer to some extent! 
 
 [aloud] You'll do the deed. 
 Poo. I've lost my perpendicular ! 
 
 Won't it be murder ? 
 Bar. Folks who are particular 
 
 Might call it so — but in these tasteful times 
 
 There are so many pretty names for crimes ! 
 
 We needn't surely pick out the most plain. 
 Poo. I feel my scruples will not weigh a grain 
 
 When put into the scale against this dram. 
 Bar. Are you resolved ? 
 Poo. Another pull, \drinJcs\ I am ! " 
 
 I'm as ferocious as a Sallee rover 1 
 
 Come, bear a hand and we'll soon pitch her over. 
 Bar. Just as she lies, and with her nasty dog. 
 Poo. Oh, I'll pitch over anything for grog. 
 
 \They fiing the Princess and Dog over. 
 The day begins to appear. 
 
 Bar. I call that giving the poor girl a lift. 
 Poo. I'm not so drunk but 1 can see her drift 
 
 To leeward fast. [Dog barks- 
 
 Bar. Her whelp's awake though. Hark ! 
 
 Poo. Well, let her try to get aboard that bark. 
 Bar. We're just in time for day is breakinsr. Lud ! 
 
 And I can see the land as clear as mud ! 
 
 Enter Sailors. 
 
 And walls and towers rise on the horizon. 
 
 I'll go below and out my daughter dizen 
 
 We mustn't stand on trifles with the king. 
 Poo. Me! I can scarcely stand on anything! 
 Sat. A sail ! A sail ! 
 Bar. Two! three! — a royal fleet 
 
 The King has put to sea, the Junk to meet! 
 
 My daughter, let me habten to eniobe her. , 
 
 lEccii l2 E. 
 
 Poo. I'm very much afraid I'm growing sober, 
 Conscience is making signals of distress ; 
 I've lost that girl the number of her mess, 
 And got myself perhaps into a sad one. 
 Besides the bargain — but that's not a bad one
 
 25 
 
 The prize brought home,I shall have gold galore. 
 
 I'll cut the Junk, anJ eai stlt junk no more ! 
 
 On dainty dishes be a daily diner, 
 
 Ai'.d drive tiie grandest coach in Cochin China. 
 Music The Royal Galley comes alongside the 
 Junk — AH the Court come over the side, and 
 receive the King of the 1'ea cocks, wAo isfol- 
 loiced by his Guards 
 Arg. My fond impatience would not brook delay. 
 
 Where is the lovely Princess, Captain, say I 
 
 King Argus. 
 AIR — AU in the Donn?, 
 
 All in the Downs I long lay moored, 
 
 A-waiting for an answer kind, 
 Until I felt completely bored. 
 
 And not quite easy in my mind. 
 So tell me, Captain, it you're not too drunk, 
 
 If my sweet Princess sailed on board your junk. 
 
 Poo. An' please your majesty, she's bfing drest 
 In all her colours — rigged out in her best. 
 
 Arg. What need of gilding such refined gold, 
 Is she as beautiful as we've been told ? 
 
 Poo. She wears a veil, and so I couldn't iwig her 
 Face, but folks say that she's a perfect figure. 
 
 Ring Argus, 
 
 AlR AND CHORUS— rAe Breeze. 
 
 Bride cake and favors — 
 Cirds at the engravers — 
 License and settlements all ready too. 
 Crowds crying '' Hey day," 
 •' Wiiere is the Lady?" 
 " Here is the sail and she's not "on view! " 
 Wherefore is she staying? 
 
 What's in the wind that so long she's delaying? 
 I shall the deuce very soon be for playing, 
 Kicking up a breeze, and off if once I go- 
 Blow up, blow up — I can blow up, you know. 
 
 Up and down leaping, 
 
 My heart is keepin^^. 
 
 Like a Baby Jumper— tliat invention new. 
 
 What, the deuce take 'em. 
 
 Syj long can make 'em ? 
 
 Hgre must I wait till all is blue
 
 26 
 
 Can sweet Rosetta fear me ? 
 
 Play up, my minstrels something gay to cheer me. 
 Hark ! now she's coming — no she isn't — dear me !— 
 Call her if you please, or really I must go. 
 Hallo, hallo! come tumble up, hallo. 
 
 Poo. [aside] Stand by for squalls now. [Aloud] Here 
 she comes full sail. 
 
 Enter Rumfizina, richly attired and veiled, conducted 
 by the Baroness. 
 
 Arg. Pearl of thy sex, remove that envious veil. 
 
 \The Bar. removes it. 
 
 Fire! murder! thieves I I'm lost — I'm robbed — I'm 
 sold! 
 Bar. What ails your majesty ? Your bride behold ! 
 »drg. Avaunt ! and quit my sight — let the earth hide her 
 
 My bride ! I'd rather wed a bottle spider 
 Bar. My liege, you scare her highness — pray compose — 
 ■^rg. Scare her — she's much more like to scare the crows ! 
 
 And if I did her justice, she should feed 'em 
 
 P'or taking with my si^ht so ri'de a freedom! 
 
 Go, clap the hideous creature under hatches 
 
 There let her brood till she this portrait matches. 
 Bar. Sire, spurn you thus a tender maid and regal ? 
 Arg. Yes, woman, for the tender made's not legal. 
 
 And you shall share her fate on board this tender! 
 Bar. Mercy I 
 Arg. No mercy for an old offender, 
 
 Away with them. 
 
 [Guards take Oj^ Baroness and Rumfizina, l2e. 
 
 Poo. [Aside] They're taken quite aback. 
 
 It's time to sail upon the other tack. 
 
 Arg. Aiid you who brought this greatest of humbugs. 
 Don't make at me your ugly China mugs ! 
 Down on your Chinese knees; or for this mockery, 
 I'll have you smashed to bits like so much crockery 
 
 Poo. [Kneeling] Illustrious brother of all suns and moons — 
 
 Arg. Peace, I'm ashamed, a set of vile lea-spoons, 
 Sliould stir up in my soul so fierce an eddy; 
 Go, go to Bath! your heads are shaved already! 
 But for the vile imposters who could try 
 To play the knave on such a king as I, 
 I'll have their skins made parchment for a drum, 
 And so tatooed to death — oh, you are come.
 
 27 
 
 Enter Florizelakc? Prince Jessamy, over side of vessel- 
 Flo, [r.c ] Where is Rosetta? 
 
 Jes, Where's our lovely sister? 
 
 Arg. Upon your tongue that fib should raise a blister! 
 I'll teach you rogues, to poke your fuu at me, 
 Your sister's Ui^lier tlian a Chimpanzee 1 
 
 Flo. Back in thy teeth, proud king, 1 fling the fib '■ 
 She's fair as day. 
 
 Poo. Then some one's fouled her jib ! 
 
 Flo. What says the fellow ? 
 
 Poo. Why in all my days, 
 
 An uglier ciaft I never sawr in stays. 
 
 Arg. You may say craft. 
 
 Flo. With wonder I'm a fixture, 
 
 You talk of craft [crosses to c] you spurious Howqua 
 
 mixture. 
 You half seas over Chelsea China Waterman! 
 You never saw my sister, much less brought her man; 
 Great king, as sure as yonder sail's bamboo. 
 This bamboo sailor would bamboozle you! 
 Spare us a week, and if within that time 
 Our real sister reach not this fair clime. 
 And prove she's peerless, we're content to die. 
 
 Arg. One week is nothing, to one strong as I, 
 
 'Tis therefore granted. To the dungeon keep 
 You both shall march, and there fall in two deep, 
 Plunged in its lowest cell 'twill be admitted, 
 W hate'er your crime, you are profoundly pitied. 
 
 [They are taken off by the Guards, 2 e. l- King 
 Argus beckons on his crew from his barge 
 alongside. 
 
 This floating tea chest, as your prize, lads, seize, 
 Make her a jolly-boat, which way you please, 
 
 [Exit 2 K. L. 
 
 i^RA^D IVATAl. aUABRIIiliE:. 
 
 END OF FIRST ACT.
 
 28 
 
 ACT II,— SCENE I. 
 All-right Bay and Point To-come-in. 
 
 Enter Fairy Faithfui, — She waves her wand. 
 
 Come fairy sisters, ere the day star fade, 
 Take one more turn on this marine parade. 
 To the sea airs that murmur waltzes slow, 
 Or brisker gales that Polkas play, as though 
 The brass band of the Lancers quartered nigh. 
 Poured forth its strains upon the pier hard by. 
 I go to fetch my favorite Ocean swell. 
 To dance one measure with his diving belle. 
 
 {Extt. 
 [Fairies appear. Dance to a fine sea air. Re- 
 
 ent-r Fairy Faithfol and >mabt Breeze. 
 
 Pas de Deux Fantastique. Exeunt Fairies. 
 
 Enter from Hut (r.) O'Dont-know-who. 
 
 O'Do. I'll be obliged to give my valy warnin?. 
 
 There have I been two hours this blessed morning. 
 Bawling and swearing, and enough to make me. 
 Because that villain wouldn't come and wake me. 
 And who's my " Valy?" Faith, you may ask that. 
 I keep no man alive, except the cat. 
 And he died yesterday for want of meat; 
 That's fish of course— there's nothing else to eat 
 Upon this coast — and though I coax 'em daily. 
 They wont fork out, they're so uticornmon scaly. 
 I can scarce keep a soul in my old body; 
 Oh, to leave London wasn't I a noddy ? 
 There, as a waterman, I'd lots to eat, 
 For 'twas at a cab stand in Conduit Street. 
 And talk of fish! I'd like to see the coves 
 That wouldn't be content with Mr. Groves. 
 
 AIR — T/ie Groves of Blarney. 
 
 At Groves's in Bond Street, they are so charming. 
 
 Fresh taken out of the purling brooks; 
 
 There's Trout and Salmon, a playing back gammon, 
 
 Upon the countf r so clean that looks. 
 
 r^'ear there the lover of Snipe or Plover, 
 
 May suit himself also to a hare. 
 
 Beside the pheasant, and the partridge pleasant, 
 
 All hanging up in the open air.
 
 29 
 
 There's Venison gracing that noble place in, 
 
 With Cod and Tiirbot, and sometimes Chub ; 
 
 And Oysters that is so good for patties, 
 
 And the comely Eel in the water tub. 
 
 The sweet Thames Flounder with Lobsters round her, 
 
 Alive and frisky you'll see so fine. 
 
 Oh, more's the pity, I've left that city, 
 
 To setup here in the fishing line. 
 
 But sorra a tear I'll shed ; grief's unavailing, 
 Leave those to blubber who are fond of whaling. 
 I won't lose caste by fearing fortune's frown, 
 Something may cast up, if I'm not cast down. 
 
 [Dog hotels without. 
 
 What's thaf It surely was a howl at sea, 
 
 Some dcg-fish net with a catastrophe. [Bar.k. 
 
 And there's a bark. 
 
 The pRiNCEESS RosETTA OTid Fretillon appear, Jloating 
 in the distance, r. 
 
 And something like the sort o' bed 
 That Dr. Arnott calls a water bed. — 
 Murder, alive! There's some one alive on it! 
 A woman, by the Powers — without a bonnet ! 
 And some queer looking cur as green as Erin 
 That howls worse than ten Paddies at a berrin ! 
 Faith then an Irishman was never known 
 On land or sea to let a girl alone. 
 When she's in trouble too — where's my boat hook, 
 I'll get her safe ashore by hook or crook. 
 And spite of all that surly puppy's snarling 
 Rescue the darling — like a male Grace Darling ! 
 
 [Takes a boat hook from hut, and leading into the 
 water (l. u. e.) catches tlie couch as it ap- 
 proaches the shore, and drags Hon to ike beach. 
 
 Come out of that entirely ! 
 
 Rot. Noble stranger! 
 
 Who to our rescue rushed — despising danger — - 
 Accept the warmest thanks can emanate 
 From a damp damsel in a famished state, 
 And swell the gratitude already due 
 By ordering breakfast instantly — lor two. 
 
 O'Do. Breakfast for two ! — faith, I'd be glad to sf e 
 Breakfast for one — 'twould suit me t© a T.
 
 30 
 
 Ros. You hesitate — you guess my rank — and fear 
 That I may look for delicacies here ; 
 But I assure you, no. The plainest thing — 
 Of a roast chicken, just tlie liver wing — 
 A paiie de/oie gras — or, if you please, 
 A cutlet, simply dressed, a la soubise — 
 With chocolate and tea — or one, or both, 
 I'm not particular — 
 
 O'Do. I'll take my oath 
 
 You're not— no more am I — so pray walk in — 
 [Aside] There's nothmg ofthe cat left but the skin. 
 And, faith, 'twill take a deal of artful dodging 
 To find a bit of board about the lodging. 
 
 "Ros. Come, Fretillon, my faithful friend canine, 
 
 You need but meat — you furnish your own whine, 
 
 O'Do. Walk in, and taVe — all I've to give — a seat, 
 While I go fish for something you can eat. 
 
 Hos. Fish for it I Have you nothing in your cuoboarjls ? 
 
 O'Do. No, faith! they're all as bare as Mother Hubbard's ! 
 
 Ros. Then my poor dog, who begs but for a bone, 
 Like that respected lady's, will have none. 
 
 O'Do It is too true an evil— "one the meat is. 
 
 And here I live on point — without potatoes! 
 
 Ros. O Fate! on what inhospitable shore 
 Have we been cast ! 
 
 O'Do. Peacock ia — 
 
 Ros. Hah ! Once more 
 
 For pity's sake kind friend, repeat that name ! 
 
 O'Do. Peacockia ! 
 
 Roi. Where King Argus reigns ? 
 
 O'Do. The same! 
 
 Ron. Mysterious destiny ! Do you speak true ? 
 
 O'Do. I'm under the impression that I do! 
 
 RoSy Then know before you stands your Queen elect. 
 
 O'Do. [v^-side.] Poor souU — a little crazy, I expect. 
 
 Ros- How far is't to the Palace ? 
 
 O'Uo. Scarce a league — 
 
 Ros. Too far for one just sinking with fatigue. 
 
 Bui you, dear dog, whom Nature has provided 
 With two more legs than she to me confided, 
 Run to the royal kitch(-n, and thence bring 
 The daintiest dish they'd set before the king. 
 
 O'Do. She must be crazy— stop! — I tell you what. 
 Don't senH him — if you do — you'd better not. 
 [aside] I'll humour her! [Aloud] His Majesty, at 
 
 present, 
 Is pleased to be uncommonly unpleasant —
 
 31 
 
 There's something sticking in his jocular vein. 
 
 Which, in his temper, gives him a bad pain. 
 
 And joking, when a man is not the least for it — 
 
 To lose his dinner, don't improve his taste for it. 
 Pos. Why wfhat has fallen out? 
 O Do. Himself, with two 
 
 Young chaps now fast in jail. 
 Brs. What did they do? 
 
 O'Do. They tried to do the king— about a wife ; 
 
 And soon in turn — they'll each be tried for life! 
 Ros About a wife — two youths— in prison, oh ! 
 
 They are my brothers, sir! 
 O'Do. You don't say so. 
 
 Eos. Dear Fretillon, run — do as you are bid; 
 
 Take in your mouth that basket [pointing to one ut 
 the door of the hut, r.] with a lid; 
 
 Fill it with all the btst things you can find — 
 
 Fish, flesli and fowl — " leave not a wreck behind." 
 
 Quick go — and quick return. 
 O'Do. He'll make nought of it — 
 
 There may be quick return — but little profit. 
 Ros- If there be not, I'll give you leave to say, 
 
 That I'm no prophet. 11 ie, good dog ! Away ! 
 
 AIR — Clar the Kitchen. 
 
 ' '"" ROSETTA. 
 
 This basket, tuck it underneath yournose, 
 
 And away to the kitchen as I propose; 
 
 And out of that be sure you bring, 
 
 Of every dish the nicest thing. 
 
 Clar the kitchen — roast meat — boiled meat, 
 
 Bold Fretillon never tire ! [Exeunt. 
 
 SCENE II. 
 
 Pluiue Chamber in the Palace of 
 King Argu!!i. 
 
 Enter King Augus, l. 
 AIR. — // segreto. 
 Argus. 
 I'm no longer in mood amoroso, 
 
 I am growing I feel furioso ! 
 ]\ly patience is diminuendo, 
 
 iMy choler becoming crescendo, 
 I have tnken thinirs much too calinato, 
 Sforzalo 'tis time to essay.
 
 32 
 
 When affairs become thus agitato 
 Con spirito — Monarchs must play ; 
 
 Or thev shortly may be oblia;ato, ^, 
 To cut, piecipitato, away! 
 
 Enter Page, l. 
 
 Arg. How now, what's up ? You look quite pale and 
 
 sickly. 
 Page. Sire, the head cook demands an audience, quickly. 
 Arg. The head cook ! Then the matters grave, or gravy. 
 I'll see him straight — admit the slave, or slavy. 
 
 \_Exit Page. 
 Although sometimes denied great princes to, 
 I always see my cook — a cordon bleu ! 
 
 Enter Sotez TRAifQuiLLE. 
 
 Arg. Now Monsieur Chef, the matter? 
 
 Soy. \_Kneeling] O, mon roi ! 
 
 As de girl sing— "Grace— Grace pour moi !" 
 
 Arg. Grace!— you mean grease I fancy, but enough. 
 Come, cleanse your bosom of this kitchen stuff. 
 What have you done? — the roast to rags, or boiled 
 The fish too much, or the ice-pudding spoiled, 
 That thus for pardon at our feet you kneel? 
 Speak, we are merciful — Soyez Tranquiile. 
 
 Soy. Mille fois pardon, encore, most gracious king. 
 I am artiste, I never spoil noting, 
 As cook, my gloire, my honeur is sans tache ! 
 Je suis Francois, I could not be so lache 
 To live if I should spoil von bagatelle; 
 T fall on my couteau a-la Vatel ! 
 
 Jr>T. Then what has happened ? 
 
 Soy. Majeste, I freeze 
 
 I am frappe, de glace sire, if you please, 
 Vid terreur and despair ! — as Shakespere 
 Make say de Scocheman, *' Let not your ear 
 Despise my tongue for ever— dat shall fill him 
 Vid de forced meat of grief— enough to kill him." 
 Un grand malheur ! — 
 
 ■Arg. So much distress at it I — 
 
 As t'other Scotchman answers — " Humph ! I guess 
 
 at it." 
 The Dodo! That rare bird — so fine, and fat — 
 Stolen — and, you'll no doubt say, by the cat. 
 
 Soi/. No, sire ; not by de cat — but by de doe ! 
 
 Arg. The dog! — the turnspit! — Speak out, you French 
 fiog!
 
 33 
 
 Sni/. No, sire ; no turn de spit about de court — 
 A stranger dog dai came in by de pone, 
 And ven my dos is to de Dodo — Tien ! 
 He run avay vid liiin! — sacre Ciueu ! — 
 
 ^rg. What all my Dodo I All my precious chicken! 
 
 So^. All— every bit of him ! 
 
 j4ro; " How 'scaped he sticking? 
 
 Sot/. Sire! I stick at him — ver moche — but it seem 
 He cut his stick, before my stick cut him. 
 
 Arg. Alive into the oven be he hurled ! 
 
 Tiiere's not an>)ther Dodo in the world ! 
 
 The race is quite extinct — this was the last ! 
 
 A present to my future from the past, 
 
 And I had ordered it myself — vile sinner l 
 
 In hopes she might have come in time for dinner. 
 
 Re-enter Page. 
 Page. Sire ! all the household is in agitation ! 
 
 Dairy and kitchen maids in consternation ! 
 Cries of " Slop thief," the welkm rend in vain \ 
 Soy. By gar ! Dat Monsieur Dog's son come again ! 
 Arg. Ho ! Treachery — let all the doors be locked! 
 
 By a vile mongerel shall we thus be mocked ! — 
 When not a joint is left a King to feed, 
 The times are sadly out of joint indeed ! 
 Fetch me my blunderbuss — cram it with slugs — 
 
 [Exit Page. 
 We'll be pugnacious since defied by pugs. 
 And you, to arms! — Spits, skewers, choppers 
 
 seizing ! 
 Pursue with the whole Batterie de Cuisine! 
 
 [Exeunt 
 SCENE III. 
 The Royal Kitchen. 
 
 Enter King Argus, i.e. Soyfz a7?(Z Coo^s, r., Cowr/Ze/-* 
 and Six Guards, l. 1 and 2 e. 
 
 Soy [Entering."] Decoquindog? He no whereto be foundl 
 
 %drg. Sei'd out more scouts and skir the country round! 
 Has any one proclaimed that lots of tin 
 Shall be his lot who brings the traitor in ? 
 
 Page. Such proclamation has been made, n»y liege. 
 
 Arg. Declare the city in a state of siege, 
 If any dog about the streets is seen, 
 Seize him — particularly if he's green! 
 
 Soy. Ah, m^jesifc, lend nie youi royal eai ! 
 Dis dog, he not so green as he appear!
 
 34 
 
 He take de hint from all dis grand parade ! 
 We must lay wait for him en ambuscade ! 
 " First catch your dog," so Madame Glass you tell, 
 And den you dish — 
 Arg. Plato thou reasonest well! 
 
 Cooks, courtiers, countrymen, like good JackHorners 
 Go hide yourselves in all the chimney corners, 
 And there lie dark till you hear me cry " bo !" 
 We'll soon see if 'tis to a goose, or no. 
 Soy. Jurons ! We swear as in Les Huguenots ! 
 
 iThey groupe themselves as in the Opera. A 
 Scullion advances with a basket of rolling pins. 
 •King Argus and Chorus. 
 Blessing of the Rolling Pins. — ("Huguenots.) 
 
 Vengeance! we'll pour on him like hail! 
 
 Vengeance! sudden and appalling, 
 
 Upon the cur be falling. 
 
 Our grub who would curtail ! 
 King Argus. 
 
 Sworn to defend our luncheons, 
 
 On you these trusty truncheons. 
 
 As special favors I bestow. 
 Chorus. 
 
 All are bound by this new tie! 
 
 Yes! all — will do their duty. 
 
 We can thus, our authority show. 
 
 With a word — and a blow ! 
 
 But silence we must keep! 
 
 In whispers only speaking. 
 
 Into your corners creep. 
 
 The foe will soon come sneaking, 
 
 Revenge upon him wreaking. 
 
 For your cook! For your king! 
 
 If we can catch the traitor, 
 
 The daring devastator. 
 
 Like a dog, in a string, he shall swing ! 
 
 Hush, and hide, — 
 
 Softly glide. 
 
 In whispers only speaking. 
 
 Let not a shoe be creaking. 
 
 Till out we rusn. 
 [Very loud] Silence! Hush! 
 
 Boys — make no noise ! 
 
 [ They all hide. Soft Music. " Clear the kitchen->'
 
 35 
 
 Enter Fretillon, with his basket, l. He looks cautiouslu 
 about, then approaching a spit, or steic pan, c., conveys 
 the meat irdo the basket, and is making off, when the 
 King cries '' Bo!" All rush out. The lid of a sauce- 
 pan rises over fire place, and Fairy Faithful appears. 
 
 Arg. Ready! Present! — 
 
 Fat, Miss I— 
 
 Arg. Fire! — 
 
 [All the mmquets miss fire accordingly — and 
 Fretillon avoiding the blows oj' the other 
 weapons, escapes, l. 
 
 Ratted 1 — odzooks ! — 
 A blunderbuss, indeed ! — 
 
 Fai. " Too raany cooks!" \_Fairy disappears. 
 
 Arar. Oh, there is more in liiis than meets the eye — 
 Pursue him instantly with hue and cry! 
 Take him alive ! and fasten to his tail 
 A ketile — then let him give you leg bail — 
 But dog his heels, and where he takes up shelter, 
 There take up him and all — run, helter skelter. 
 
 [Exeunt. 
 
 SCENE .IV 
 Interior of Hut. 
 
 Enter O'Dont-know-who, drawing a table after him, 
 with various dishes on it- 
 
 Sure that green dog's a grey hound out of place, 
 He'd be the best horse in a steeple chase ! 
 He's won two races in a brace of shakes, 
 And from the King's Plate carried off the steaks ! 
 And now the lliird course he's just walking over! 
 Faith while this lasts we'll live like cows in clover. 
 He's done the Kint^out of his dainty dishes! 
 Leit for the Minister no loaves and fishes ! 
 And that the servants mightn't work the harder. 
 He's scoured the kitchen, and clean'd out the larder. 
 Tlie mistress has laid down to take a snooze, 
 While she sleeps lean eat just wii <t I choose — 
 I haven't had so good a chance for ages ! 
 Wtiat's this — an apple tart made of green gages I 
 And here's a kickshaw I ne'ei saw before. 
 It must have come from Savory and Moore!
 
 36 
 
 Enter Fly through teindow, l. f. 
 
 Fly. Delicious! Caught the odour passing by, 
 
 And just flew in — 
 O'Do. Your sarvant, Mr. Fly. 
 
 Sure its some time since you were the last comer 
 Fly, I went out 6y-fishing with you last summer. 
 WDo. Fly-fishing! — Faitli, of you that's mighty fine 
 
 You wouldn't let me get you in a line 
 Fly. No, to be sure — I only went to look on, 
 
 And wasn't in the least inclin'd to hook on ! 
 
 1 think the better boat's a butter boat — 
 
 But, apropos, of fishing — what's a-float ! 
 O'Do. A-float ! 
 Fly. What news ? I have just returned ; and I 
 
 Am as you know a very curious fly. 
 O'Do. You may say that— well, then, 1 give you warning, 
 
 Something uncommon was afloat this morning ! 
 Fly. Indeed? What like? 
 O'Do. A damsel and a dog — 
 
 Two most illustrious strangers — 
 Fly. What, ««-(?oo-.? 
 
 O Do. In-cog ! No, faith, in bed — at least, a top o' one ! 
 F/y. Alas! 
 O'Do. A lass! Yes, and a mighty proper one ! 
 
 Thrown overboard by an outlandish skipper. 
 
 Who in the ocean had the heart to dip her! 
 Fly. What colour was the dog ? 
 O'Do. Green as a lizzard ! 
 
 Fly 'Tis she ! — Princess Rosetta! 
 O^Do. You're a wizard I 
 
 For that's exactly what she said herself! 
 Fly. Why then your fortune's made, you lucky elf! 
 
 Haste to the King, who mourns, perhaps, her loss. 
 
 You'll be made Knight Companion — or Grand 
 Cross — 
 Do. Faith, night or day companion, I don't care 
 
 If I get cash enough and some to spare. 
 Fly. You'll prove, no doubt, in either case, a jolly one. 
 
 Enter Poo-lee-ha-lee. l. 
 
 Do. What chap is this? 
 
 Poo. A very melancholy one ! 
 
 Fly, The Captain! or his ghost! Ombre Chinoise ! 
 Ope, if you can, your Chinese lantern jaws I 
 And in your way, ^ay why you hither wend it ?
 
 37 
 
 GDo. If he speaks broken China who's to mend it ? 
 
 Poo. I am a chap — chap fallen — with Fortune out, 
 
 Whose conscience hanging his heart's neck about, 
 
 Like Gobbo junior's — would the owner strangle 
 
 Jf at the yard-arm he'd no right to dangle. 
 
 For a policeman vainly did I look 
 
 To take me up — so up myself I took — 
 
 And if you'll have the kindness to commit me, 
 
 They'll find, no doubt, a halter, that will fit me, 
 
 Ffy. Haven't we met before ? 
 
 Poo. The talking flyman ! 
 
 Who drove a bargain with me — 
 
 Fly. Hark ye, my man, 
 
 Where is Princess Rosetta ? 
 
 Poo. Peace, tormentor ! 
 
 She's gone to Davy Jones — 'twas I that sent hert 
 
 CDo. 'Faith, of his locker then she found the key — 
 
 Enter Rosetta. 
 
 Poo. Alive ! as I'm alive! Oh, that deep sea! 
 It can cast up as cleverly as Cocker. 
 
 Dog jumps in at windoiv, u,iuit/t Saucepan to his tail. A 
 loud knock is heard. 
 
 ODo. Thunder and turf ! Let go my street door knocker! 
 
 Enter Soyez, Cooks and Courtiers reith a rope. 
 
 Cook. In de King's name, you are my prisioners derel 
 
 bind dem, two, tree, four, five — both all togeder. 
 
 KIK—Vive le Roi. 
 
 Chorus. 
 Swearing death to traitor slave! 
 Fly we. catch! Dog we draw! 
 Soon the King shall beat the knave, 
 Vive le Roi ! Vive le Roi! 
 
 O'DONT-KNOW-WHO. 
 
 What's the row ? 
 
 Rosetta. 
 
 What have we done, 
 That we thus are done to? 
 
 POO-LSE-HA-LEE. 
 
 To be hang'd I go for one.
 
 38 
 
 May-Fly, 
 I'll be hang'd if I do ! 
 
 SOYEZ. 
 
 You have all rob-a de King, 
 Like de Scotch Itob-a-Roy. 
 As Duprez, in "Tell," lie sing, 
 " Suivez moi ! Suivez moi!" 
 
 Chorus. 
 Swearing death, &c. 
 
 [They bind Rosetta, Poo-lee ha lee, O'Dont- 
 KNOw-wHo, Fly, and Do 3 all in one line 
 during this chorus, and at i e termination of 
 it drag ihetn out prisoners, l h 
 
 SCENE V. 
 
 A Prison. 
 
 Enter Florizel. 
 
 Flo. Here in cold cell, as dark as a coal cellar, 
 
 Have 1 been seven days and nights a dvseller, 
 
 Of hopes and fears enduring a variety. 
 
 Upon that tread-mill of the mind — anxiety! 
 
 From my dear brother too, half-broken hearted, 
 
 Upon the solitary system, parted— 
 
 Up to his neck almost in water yonder, 
 
 The boy they've left as in a pond — to pondrr. 
 
 In such a dripping well incarcerated, 
 
 Our bonds no doubt will soon be liquidated. 
 
 Take warning from our fate all ye whose humours. 
 
 Lead ye to run astray on simple rumours, 
 
 For what has brought this peril on my head, 
 
 The idle tail a Peacock chanced to spread. 
 
 AIR — Sister dear. 
 
 Florizel. 
 
 Sister dtar, down thy soft cheek. 
 Fast the tear drops would be stealing ; 
 Coulds't thou but know how sad the feeling, 
 (Although to own it, may be weak) 
 Wliich makes the neck uncommon queer 
 I've risked foi thee, my sister dear!
 
 39 
 
 Sister dear, to act in court, 
 
 As your solicitor, I've ventured, 
 And for you an appearance enter'd, 
 Your case determined to support — 
 B :t you, I fear, will not appear, 
 And they'll sign judgment— sister dear! 
 
 Enter King Argus, admitted by Jailor. 
 
 Arg. Good evening — Don't let me disturb you, pray — 
 You were Sol-fa-ing, sir — Sol fa away. 
 
 Flo. Would I were far away— or you were farther. 
 
 Arg. {^To Jailor. 1 Bolt! — we have business — 
 
 [Exit Jailor, 
 
 Flo. Sanguinary { — 
 
 Arg. Halber — 
 
 But in suspicion — guilt's a general dealer — 
 The pickpocket thinks every pump a peeler. 
 
 Flo. The hapless mouse — who knows the cruel cat — 
 Is on the watch — may surely smell a rat. 
 But wherefore dost thou come? Is't for my life^ 
 
 Arg. It's twelve o'clock — and I've not seen my wife — 
 That matchless beauty — who may matchless be 
 For aught I care — since she's no match for me. 
 
 Flo. You mean to say she's not arrived' 
 
 Arg. I do; 
 
 And therefore I have ordered chops for two. 
 
 DUO — Vien tuito oblio. 
 
 Kino Argus. 
 
 Yes; you have "fail'd in your truth," 
 
 Like "the beautiful maid,'' sir. 
 
 Whom 1 made up my mind to "adore*" 
 
 But whom now I shall never, I shall never see more. 
 
 For cutting my heart to the core. 
 
 The full price — the full price must be paid, sir ; 
 
 Such v-as the bargain we made, sir, 
 
 When you sold me before. 
 
 King Florizel. 
 
 Here's a fine flourish forsooth. 
 But an error you've made, sir; 
 Once ai least you must see her, before 
 You can say that you'll see her — that you'll nee her no 
 more.
 
 40 
 
 For chops it is easy X:o roar, 
 
 But you'll find when they come to be weighed, sir, 
 Off such prime oecks they'll cost more 
 Than you e'er paid before. [Dog 7/elps without. 
 
 Arg. Wli-ut dog is making such a dreadt'i I row ? 
 Some new edition sure of Snarley Yovv, 
 
 Elite/ SoyezTranquille [l.] and Guards, ta'th Frttil- 
 
 iON, PoO-LEE-UA-LEE, O'DoKT- KKGW-WIIO, FlY, 
 
 and RosETTA prisoners. 
 
 Soy. Victoire! Ah! Majeste ! See in your power 
 De ddg dat did de Dodo dare devour! 
 Vid two tree toquins more — and — ecoutez — 
 Von pretty girl— ah! — Gentille a croquer! 
 Among de rest, I instanily detect her, 
 Beautiful Sire, ah, sweeter dan my nectar. 
 Avancez, Miss ! [Rosetta comes forward. 
 
 Arg. O Heavens 
 
 Flo What do I see? 
 
 You ! 
 
 Ros. 1 — myself — 
 
 Arg. Then <?Le herself is — 
 
 Ros. Me ! 
 
 Arg. Rosetta! 
 
 Flo. Sister! 
 
 Ros. Brother: [Embrace.— To Kv.ev?,.'] Husband 
 
 Arg. Wife! 
 
 Transported I deserve to be for life! 
 And so I am — if you for life are mine ! 
 '' To err is human — to forgive divine!" 
 
 Ros. Forgive my favorite then — who prigged your prog — 
 You know the proverb — ''Love me — love my dog! 
 
 Arg. Willi all my heart — I'll a new order found 
 
 Of merit — I'll have Knights of the Green Hound, 
 Dogs collars they shall wea--, and a dog's star 
 And this jour favorite shall be Registrar! 
 
 Ros Pardon beside, this Tom Tug of a Tartar, 
 
 Who was too drunk to know what he was arier. 
 
 Aro. What was his crime ? — for of it I've no notion — 
 
 Poo. Don't mention it — a mere drop m liie ocean ! 
 
 O'Do. I hope, for nothing, sir. you'll pardon me I 
 
 Fly. And I'm as innocent as fly caa be! 
 
 Soy. Me too— so I — Oh, soyez charitable? 
 
 /rP Heaven sends us meat— but who sends cooks ? 
 
 sol ^^^^
 
 41 
 
 ^r(r. We here proclaim a ^jeneral amnesty ! 
 Flff That's a good General! 
 Poo. Generally — 
 
 Fio. [To RosETTA.] By whose direction found you out 
 this pldce? 
 
 Faihv Faithful appears. 
 
 Fai. By mine ! — The friend of all her royal race. 
 Never was good Princess in Elfin story, 
 But to prelect her was the good Fay's glory ! 
 
 Fairy Fickle appears. 
 
 You come too late for mischief. Fairy Fickle! 
 Fickle AVtiat is there no catastrophe to tickle ? 
 
 Not een the author's ! 
 Arg. ' Not if I prevail — 
 
 He points the moral— I adorn the tale — 
 
 Behold the end on't ! 
 
 Scene changes to 
 
 Grand ISpread and Fairy Festive ffiall. 
 
 Say that we succeed — 
 And make us all as Peacocks proud indeed. 
 
 [Grand Tableaux of Fairies, nith Oberon and 
 Titan lA. 
 
 FINALE.— rAe?'e's a Good Time Coming. 
 
 Floeizel. 
 
 Here's a gay time coming, friends, 
 A gay time coming ; 
 Oberon Irom Fairy land, 
 Flies for reCuge to 'he Strand, 
 With his Elf Queen coming! 
 Loni he ruled it o'er the br.un. 
 Till Science proved the stronger — 
 Eet him then in fancy rei^n 
 Here a little longer. 
 
 Chorus. 
 
 Here's a gay time coming, friends, &c.
 
 42 
 
 Argus. 
 
 Hese's a gay time coming, friends, 
 
 A gay time coming, 
 
 Christmas comes but once a year, 
 
 Every evening, therefore, here, 
 
 In crowds be coming! 
 
 Since, lo-nigbt, you've mustered strong. 
 
 JVlu-ler eacl) night stronger — 
 
 •' The G-^lden Br.inch" ran very long— 
 
 Maice this — run a little longer. 
 
 Chorus. 
 
 Here's a gay time coming, friends, &c. 
 
 S. O.FAIRBROTHBR, PRINTER, BOW 8TBEET, COVENT QARDBK
 
 THE ISLAND 
 
 A NEW AND ORIGINAL GRAND COMIC 
 FAIRY EXTRAVAGASfZA, 
 
 IN TWO ACTS. 
 By J. R. PL AN CHE, Esq., 
 
 [Founded on the Countess D'Anois's Story of " Serpentin Vert,"] 
 
 AUTHOR OP 
 
 Fortunio ; The Fair One with the Golden Locks ; The White Cat j 
 
 The Sleeping Beauty ; Graciosa and Percinet ; The Birds of 
 
 Aristophanes ; The Golden Fleece ; The Invisible 
 
 Prince ; The Golden Branch ; King of the 
 
 Peacocks ; Cymon and Iphigenia, &c. 
 
 Correctly Printed from the Prompt Book, with Exits 
 Entrances &.c. 
 
 FIHST PERFORMED AT THE 
 
 EOYAL LYCEUM THEATRE, 
 
 On Wednesday, December 26th, 1849. 
 
 ilonlron : 
 
 PUBLISHED BT S. G. FAIRBROTUER, 31, BOW STREET, 
 
 SOLD ALSO BY W. STRANGE, PATERNOSTER ROW ; 
 
 G. BERGER, HOLYWELL STREET, STRAND J 
 
 C. HARRIS, BOW ST.; T. L. LACY, UPPER WELLINGTON ST ; 
 
 J. EBSWOKTH, EDINBURGH ; WISEHEART, DUBLIN; 
 
 AND ALL BOOKSELLERS. 
 
 PRICE ONE SHILLING.
 
 LONDON : 
 
 S. G. Faiibrotlier, Printer, 31, Bow St, Covent Garden,
 
 DRAMATIS PERSON M. 
 
 Giltgingerbread the Great, King of Fharitale, 
 
 Mr. Fkank Matthews 
 
 Tinsellina, (Queen of Pharitale) Mrs. Macnamara 
 
 Princess Bellotta, (about whose beauty there is no 
 
 mistake) - - Miss Kenwoethy 
 
 Princess Laidronetta, , Twin- Sister of Bellotta, 
 
 afterwards •) and about whose ugliness 
 
 Queen Diamond, elect ^ there is a great mistake. 
 
 Miss Julia St. George 
 Lady Fidelia, (in waiting on the Princess and ilistress 
 of the Robes to her when Queen) Madame Vestris 
 
 Prince Prettiphello - Miss Isabel Dickinson 
 
 Count Merecho, - - - ISIr Honneb 
 
 Usher - - - Mr Ksbeidge 
 
 Attendant, - - - Mr De Cocrcx 
 
 Kmg Emerald, (an Invisible Green Prince) 
 
 Herr Karl Yoa Voxetpreterianihil 
 
 Viscount Carbuncle, (Grand Chamberlain) Mr F.Cooke 
 
 Fairy Benevolentia, - Miss Marti>t)Ale 
 
 Fairy Slagotine, - - - IVIiss E. Honseb 
 
 Noblemen, Ladies, State Pages, &c.
 
 . fcl
 
 ISLAND OF JEWELS. 
 
 ACT I.— SCENE I. 
 
 Grand Ball Room in the Palace of the King and 
 Queen of Pharitale. 
 
 The KrN'G, Queen, Princess Bellotta, Prikce 
 Prettiphkllo, Count JNIerecho and Court EiUer, 
 3 E., L. H. — after Dance, grand Flourish. 
 
 King. Was ever King so full of joy as we ? 
 
 Queen. Was ever Queen so blest as bappy me ? 
 
 Pri. Had ever Prince a bride so wond'rous fail* ? 
 
 Bel. Had ever Princess sj^ouse so debonair ? 
 
 Cou. Your loyal subjects being asked if ever, 
 
 Unanimously answer — no, they never ! 
 
 King. Such unanimity is quite enchanting ! 
 
 Queen. What, to complete our happiness is wanting ? 
 
 Enter Usher, e. l. h. [announcing'] 
 
 Ush. The Princess Laidronetta ! 
 King. How ! 
 
 Queen. Who ? 
 
 Bel. What.' 
 
 King. Ye gods ! our other daughter, is she not ? 
 Queen. Too true, of sweet Bellotta, the twin-sister ! 
 Pri. How was it, that till now you never missed her ? 
 King, [c] Absent so long— residing at a distance, 
 
 I'd really quite forgotten her existence. 
 Queen. AndsohadI! 
 Bel. And I! 
 
 Cou. And I completely ! 
 
 King. She's heard about the wedding, and discreetly 
 
 Sends, as befits her, to congratulate. 
 Uiher. [l.h.] Her lloyal Highness, sire, is at the gate :
 
 6 
 
 King, 
 
 Queen. 
 
 Bel. 
 
 Cou. 
 
 King. 
 
 Queen. 
 
 King. 
 
 PH. 
 
 King. 
 
 Usher. 
 
 King. 
 
 Bel. 
 
 Queen. 
 
 King. 
 
 Queen. 
 Bel. 
 
 King. 
 
 PH. 
 
 Queen. 
 
 King. 
 
 Queen. 
 
 King. 
 PH. 
 
 King. 
 
 PH. 
 
 King. 
 
 PH. 
 
 King 
 
 Queen. 
 
 PH. 
 
 King. 
 
 At tlie gate ! 
 
 [B.C.] 
 
 What gate ? 
 
 Our gate ? 
 
 That gate ? 
 Zounds ! 
 Shall we admit her ? 
 
 Not for fifty pounds ! 
 Was she not packed off, 'ere she was thirteen, 
 Because she was too ugly to be seen ? 
 She may'nt be now, although she was before so, 
 Humph ! What say you ? [To Ushek.] 
 
 My liege, she's rather more so ! 
 You hear ! she'd scare us all out of our senses, 
 I wouldn't answer for the consequences ! 
 She's very amiable, or used to be, 
 Well, let her shew her amiability — 
 By taking herself off, without delay ! 
 Give her our love, and beg she'll go away. 
 I couldn't bear to see her, that I couldn't! 
 I'd see her further lii'st, and then I wouldn't. 
 
 [Exit Usher, 2 d. l. h. 
 
 And I should be inclined to doubt my sight, 
 For how could child of youi's be such a fright ? 
 
 [To Queen. 
 She was so like her father ! 
 
 Madam ! 
 
 'Ere, 
 The fairy changed her ! 
 
 That's another affair ! 
 My curiosity, your language stirs, 
 I doat on fairy stories — tell me her's ; 
 The task is painful, as you may suppose, 
 But at your highness's request, here goes ! 
 Once on a time — 
 
 Of course it so begins, 
 Our royal spouse presented us with twins ; 
 Two beauteous girls, their mother quite delighted 
 A dozen fairies instantly invited ! 
 To give the little darlings all the giaces. 
 According to the custom, in such casjs 
 But when the day arrived — 
 
 Alack the day ! 
 I know exactly what you are going to say — 
 You had forgotten one, 
 
 "The most cantankerous !
 
 Queen. 
 
 King. 
 
 Queen. 
 
 King. 
 
 Queen. 
 
 King. 
 
 Queen. 
 King. 
 
 Pri. 
 
 King. 
 
 Bel. 
 
 Pri. 
 
 Bel 
 
 King. 
 
 Bel 
 
 Queen, 
 
 King. 
 
 Usher. 
 
 Queen. 
 
 Pri. 
 
 King. 
 
 Bel. 
 
 King. 
 
 The fairy, Magotine, with malice rancorous, 
 Came down the chimney — 
 
 At the fatal minute 
 Flew to the cradle — 
 
 One sweet babe was in it ! 
 And shrieked out, overturning nurse and flunkey 
 " To mortal eyes seem uglier than a monkey !" 
 The other fairies all cried " shame, pp'fidious !" 
 But all in vain, the child appeared quite hideous. 
 While Magotine whisked laughing thro' the 
 
 casement, 
 Leavino- us dumb with horror and amazement ! 
 And could your fairy friends no gifts bestow, 
 On the poor victim, to console you ? 
 
 No! 
 They did their best, kind creatures, I admit, 
 One gave her common sense, another wit ; 
 Good-nature— love of truth — respect for duty — 
 But nothing to atone for want of beauty ! 
 To give a princess only common sense ! 
 Wit's well enough, 
 
 At other folk's expense ! 
 But then, good nature robs it of its stin^, 
 And love of truth's a very dangerous thing ! 
 Duty is not so bad, you will agree, 
 
 Re-enter Usher, 1 e., l. h. 
 
 Particularly, when 'tis paid to me! 
 And apropos of duty, what reply 
 Made Laidi-onetta ? 
 
 But a heavy sigh, 
 And turned her from the palace gate with speed. 
 Alas ! poor wench ! 
 
 That's dutiful indeed ! 
 Send her a slice of cake, with wedding cards. 
 And of white jjcnny ribbon twenty yards, 
 For wedding favours. 
 
 Well papa, I vow. 
 It's her fault if she's not well favour'd now. 
 riague on the wench, she's given us all the 
 
 vapours, 
 Let's dance them off! Play up you cat-gut 
 
 scrapers !
 
 8' 
 
 AIR.—" Drill, Drin," the Row Polka. 
 
 Come dance and sing — 
 Play up you cat-gut scrapers ! 
 Sound wind and string, 
 It don't much matter how, 
 Strike everything to which we can cut capers ! 
 Let the walls ring 
 With the glorious row ! 
 Din ! din ! a thund'ring din, 
 Dancing the New Row Polka in ! 
 Din ! din ! a thund'ring din. 
 Is " stunning," you'll allow ! 
 [At the finish of Solo and Chorus, King, Queen, 
 and Court polk off. 1 e., l. h. — when is performed 
 a grand " Row Polka" by the Corps de Ballet. — 
 The Ball-room changing to 
 
 SCENE II. 
 
 A Lonely Tower on the Sea Shore. 
 
 On the L. H. 3 e., a large Tree — A Bank on r. h. 2 e. — 
 
 Enter Peincess Laidronetta, Fidelia, and Attendants 
 in travelling dresses, 3 e., l. h. 
 
 Fid. [r H.] 
 
 At home, once more, and thank the stars I say. 
 [Attendants exeunt, r. h. 2 e- 
 
 How fares your highness ? speak, dear madam, 
 pray ! 
 
 You hav'nt said a word the whole way back, 
 
 But sighed as tho' your heart was fit to crack. 
 Lai. Fidelia ! am I really such a fright, 
 
 That my own mother cannot bear my sight ? 
 Fid, Oh ! I've no patience, madam, with them all, 
 
 How can they have the impudence to call 
 
 Your highness ugly ! 
 Lai. Nay, I don't pretend 
 
 To be a beauty, — I will not defend 
 
 The colour of my hair, which, though to me. 
 
 It looks like brown — 
 Fid. Is red, as red can be ! 
 
 But what of that? I think red hair quite 
 charming, 
 Lai. Then I am told, I have a squint — alarming ! 
 Fid. Alarming ! stuff, I don't see the objection,
 
 9 
 
 To having eyes which look in each direction 
 At the same time, — such powei- of observation 
 Is requisite to persons in your station. 
 Princesses who would know of things the facts, 
 Should have an eye to see behind their backs, 
 
 Lai. Have I a mouth so wide, and teeth so black ? 
 A bottle nose — a hump upon my back ? 
 Ears like an elephant's I It seems absurd ! 
 But 1 cannot perceive them upon my word ! 
 
 Fid. Madam, to speak the truth, I see them all, 
 But stilll your highness cannot ugly call ; 
 There's such a sweet expression in your features. 
 To me you seem the loveliest of creatures ! 
 
 Lai Ah ! dear Fidelia, it is your affection, 
 
 That makes you tolerate each imperfection ; 
 And I admit, ourselves we're prone to see 
 Not as we are ; but as we wish to be. 
 Therefore, no doubt I'm hideous — every other 
 Creature might fly from me,but my own mother! 
 
 Fid. It's infamous — she ought to be ashamed ! 
 
 Lai. Alas ! she's to be pitied more than blamed. 
 It was a spiteful fairy I've been told, 
 Cast this spell on me, scarcely a month old. 
 
 AIR— '^ My Mother dear." 
 
 I heard it in my childhood, 
 
 That I remember well. 
 
 For often in the nursery. 
 
 They Fairy tales would tell. 
 
 As how the wicked Magotine, 
 
 Had cast a spell on me. 
 
 When I was in my cradle. 
 
 Or on my nurse's knee. 
 
 My nursey dear — it turned quite queer, 
 
 My good old nursey dear ! 
 
 The fairy was offended, 
 
 I think I heard it said. 
 
 Because my mother asked some other 
 
 Fairy friend instead. 
 
 Some magic words she mumbled. 
 
 That made me plain to see. 
 
 In other's eyes, although I own 
 
 It's not so plain to me ! 
 
 My nursey dear — it turned quite queer, 
 
 My good old nursey dear 1
 
 10 
 
 Your mother, my good nurse, it quite upset her, 
 ' Of that sad shock she never got the better ; 
 
 And but for you, my foster-sister kind. 
 No friend on earth, should I have left behind. 
 No one to love me ! 
 
 \_A large Serpent is seen coiled about a tree, 
 
 Ser. Yes, dear Princess, me ! 
 
 Lai. Who spoke ? \_Turiu.] Oh ! horrible ! round 
 yonder tree 
 A serpent ! 
 
 Fid. Fly ! 
 
 Lai. Fear roots me to the spot ! 
 
 Ser. Sweet gentle Laidronetta, tremble not. 
 
 Nor fancy your's a solitary case. 
 Time was, when I possessed a handsome face ; 
 And may again, if you compassion take, 
 On your devoted, but unhappy snake. 
 
 Fid. Help ! murder ! 
 
 Enter Attendants, Seepent disappears. 
 
 Att. What's the matter 1 
 
 Fid. Oh! look there! 
 
 A Serpent ! 
 Att. I can't see one anywhere ! 
 
 Fid, Coiled round that tree ! 
 
 Att, I hear the coil you make 
 
 But cannot see the coil of any snake ! 
 Fid. As I stood here I saw him 1 
 Att. Fancy surely I 
 
 Fid. My lady's fainted, and I'm very poorly. 
 
 Hunt for the serpent, near us there must be on e 
 
 See it you must, unless it be the sea one ! 
 
 [Exeunt Attendanis, 2 & 3 e. l. h. 
 
 Madam come to yourself, and with your friend. 
 Lai, {Revivins,^ Oh, my Fidelia, what may this portend! 
 
 I never knew that serj^ents talked like men ! 
 Fid. Men talk like serpents, madam, now and then . 
 With double tongues, to match their double faces, 
 
 More venomous than serpents in some cases. 
 Lai. What did the horrid creature say ? My fears 
 
 Closer than cotton filled up both my ears. 
 Fid. So mine did mine, like mistress, ma'am, like 
 maid, 
 
 I never heard a syllable it said.
 
 11 
 
 Lai. Why then perhaps it never spoke at all ! 
 
 And yet methinks on me I heard it call. 
 Fid. Whether it did or not, I can't refrain 
 
 From hoping it may never call again ! 
 
 [A fancy boat aipfears. 
 Lai. Ah! "What gay bark is this that heaves in sight? 
 Fid. A bark ! Ugh, lud ! I thought it was a bite ! 
 Lai With gold and colours all bedizen'd o'er, 
 
 Fidelia! See, its running right ashore ! 
 
 \_A splendid boat approactieslarbding-p lace. 
 
 And nobody on board it ! 
 Fid. Not a soul, 
 
 Not even a hand to bear a-hand ! 
 Lai. How droll I 
 
 Fid. So droll, it must be what they call a Funny ? 
 Lai. Let's get into it ! 
 Fid. Not for any money! 
 
 Lai. Why not? The sea Is calm, quite clear the sky ! 
 Fid. It's not quite clear 'twill be so by and bye. 
 
 Suppose a storm springs up all in a minute. 
 Lai We can spring out as quick as we spring in it ! 
 
 Fid. What in the water ? 
 
 Lai. No, upon the land ! 
 
 Fid. You can't suppose I wish to quit the strand ! 
 Lai. I'll not put otF to sea in any weather I 
 
 Fid. Put off your jjurpose, madam, altogether. 
 
 In that craft thei-e is witchcraft, I suspect, 
 Lai. Of which I'm reckless, so I can't be wrecked. 
 
 If you're afraid, the boat you needn't nigh go ! 
 Fid. No, madam ! wheresoever you go, I go. 
 Lai. Come, then, we go to see the boat you know, 
 
 Not in a boat to go to sea — ah ! no! 
 
 Laideonetta and Fidelia. 
 
 DUO — " Love Launched a Fairy Boat." 
 Give me a pleasure boat. 
 
 On a fine day up the river : 
 But on the Sea to float, 
 
 I the pleasure can't diskiver. 
 Though glorious gales, 
 
 Might fill the sails. 
 And speed our transit merrily, 
 I know with me 
 The song would be, 
 
 " Sic transit gloria," verily.
 
 12 
 
 Then, if the sea grew dark, 
 
 And the waves all in a lather, 
 I beg leave to remark, 
 
 That on shore I would be — rather. 
 When stormy gales, 
 Kend all the sails, 
 
 And pumps are working wearily, 
 I've always found. 
 To be on ground, 
 
 Was more agreeable, verily. 
 
 Give me a pleasure boat, &c. 
 
 [They enter the boat — the sails instantly fill, and 
 carry the boat out to sea. The stage darkens — 
 violent storm — the scene begins to move and 
 gradually changes to a Wild Rocky Coast. The boat 
 is seen in the distance tossed by the waves — it is 
 driven on a rock, strikes, and goes to pieces. — 
 Presently, the Serpent appears approaching the 
 rocks, and returns bearing the insensible form of 
 Laidronetta. with whom he reaches the shore, and 
 enters a cavern. 
 
 Fidelia appears among rocks^ r. h. 
 
 Fid. lJdva7}cing. 
 
 Hung be the heavens with black of deepest dye. 
 And one great mourning warehouse make the 
 
 sky! 
 Comets, at whom the bumpkin trembling gazes, 
 Pluck from your fiery tails a bunch of blazes, 
 And whip the naughty little stars like winking, 
 'V^^10, in the briny ocean, caused our sinking ! 
 My mistress ! my poor mistress ! di'own'd, no 
 
 doubt, 
 I saw her by the billows tossed about — 
 Whilst on a reef of barren rock hard by, 
 They left me, literally, high and dry ! 
 No one, to see my clothes, would have a notion, 
 That I've been twenty minutes in the ocean ! 
 I scarcely can persuade myself it's true. 
 But what the dickens am I now to do ? 
 A female Alexander Selkirk, tlirown 
 Out of a situation — left — alone ; 
 Where, of a family, there's not a trace. 
 In which a lady's maid could get a place.
 
 13 
 
 Servant of all-work, to myself I'm bound, 
 Where there's no tea and sugar to he found. 
 No wages to receive, however small, 
 No followers, no Sunday out at all. 
 
 AIR. — " In Quesio Semphce" 
 
 O ! cruel destiny, how could you do so ; 
 
 In single blessedness here I'm doomed to say, 
 Worse off a great deal than Robinson Crusoe. 
 
 He'd a u an Friday, to whom he could say, 
 
 Ri, tol, fol, lol de rol, &c. 
 
 Bad Mr Boreas how could you blow s >, 
 
 Putting the pipe out ot Neptune and Co so ? 
 
 Sending our smack ashore, 
 
 Where not a blackamoor, 
 
 On his own bones can a serenade play, 
 Ri, tol, fol, lol de rol, &c. 
 
 Laidronetta appears at the entrance of the 
 cavern, l h. 
 
 Lai. Fidelia ! 
 
 Fid. Ah ! my mistress ! safe and sound ! 
 
 Oh ''■ madam, are you certain you're not drown'd 
 
 Lai. By no means certain, in a maze am I ! 
 
 And if not drown'd can only wonder why ! 
 
 Fid. Believe you're not, gentle mistress mine. 
 
 And I believe so too. 
 
 Lai AVell, I incline. 
 
 To that opinion. But suppose we say 
 We are alive, how shall we keep so, eh ? 
 There's nothino; grows upon this rocky shelf, 
 And we can't live upon the rock itself. 
 
 Fid. 'Twould be hard living I must confess. 
 
 Lai. And liardly worth our living for, I guess. 
 
 Better at once the cruel sea had swallowed us, 
 Or the Green Serpent which has hither fol- 
 lowed us. 
 
 Fid. Hither ! you don't say so ! 
 
 Lai. Into yon cave, 
 
 Washed by some friendly or unfriendly wave ! 
 When to myself I came, before me lay, 
 The same Green Serpent we beheld to-day ! 
 Coiled in a corner with its fiery eyes, 
 Fi.xcd uj)on me, as on its lawful prize ! 
 
 Fid. Oh ! horrible ! and you ? 
 
 Lni. I ; cream'd a scream ! 
 
 Fid. Like Molly Brown, and found 'twas all adream 
 
 As she did.
 
 14 
 
 lifti' No, but off the horrid snake, 
 
 Glided with all the speed that it could make. 
 
 Fid,. All fancy, dearest madam, I maintain, 
 
 Proceeding from the heat oppressed brain. 
 
 I doubt our having been upon the deep, 
 
 Or in it, only walking in our sleep, 
 
 And would'nt undertake to swear, I vow. 
 
 That these are rocks which frown around us now. 
 
 [TAe Scene changes to a Magni^cent Palace, om- 
 posecl entirely of the precious metals and stones. — 
 
 Why there ! even as I'm speaking, ma'am, 
 behold ! 
 
 They change to walls of silver and of gold ! 
 
 Gardens and fountains all with jewels bright, 
 Lot. They must belong to some Arabian Knight ! 
 
 Fid. Have we been wrecked upon Tom Tittler's 
 
 ground ? 
 Lai, Or have we some new California found ? 
 
 Or are we still asleep, as sure you would be ? 
 Fid, At all events don't scream, in case we should be, 
 
 I would'nt wake from such a pleasant nap ! 
 Lai. We must have fallen asleep in Fortune's lap ! 
 
 My fears are gone, my heart may here at ease be! 
 Fid. There's something moving. Mercy what can 
 
 these be ? 
 
 Enter a company of Guards, all composed of Jewels, and 
 followed by a train of Courtiers, Src, of similar materials, 
 led by Lord Carbuncle, l. h. 2 e. — 
 
 Lord C. Hail ! to the lovely Princess, whom kind fate 
 Has bi'ought at length into this precious state! 
 
 Lai. Lovely ! ifour speech is meant, sure, in derision, 
 
 Or you enjoy but an imperfect vision. 
 I'm thought a scarecrow in my father's court. 
 
 Lord C. Nay, madam, now you make of vis your sport. 
 Or, in your land they are no judge of beauty. 
 To whose fair Queen we come to pay our duty. 
 
 Lai.j Pray drop of flattery this fulsome tone ! 
 
 Lord C. Upon the honour of a precious stone ! 
 
 Fid. 1 hat should be honor brig-ht ! ' 
 
 Lord C. I do not flatter ! 
 
 Be witness for me all ! 
 
 Lai. Well, well, no matter.
 
 15 
 
 Venus or Gorgon I would fain be told ! 
 
 Who owns the gorgeous palace we behold ? 
 Lord C. King Emerald. 
 
 £ai. And the Isle beneath his sway ? 
 
 Lord C. We call the Isle of Jewels. 
 Pid Well you may ! 
 
 Lai I would be to his majesty presented, 
 
 Lotd C. Alas ! At present we're the bliss prevented. 
 
 Of seeing our beloved sovereign's face. 
 Fid. Is he a jewel kept then in a case 
 
 'Neath lock and key ? 
 Lai. As sovereign, I presume, 
 
 He now and then must hold a drawing-room ! 
 Fid. At least a levee ? 
 
 Lai. Don't he take the air ? 
 
 Fid. Or go in state to dine with the Lord Mayor ? 
 
 Imi- Or open Parliament in person ? 
 
 Lord C. No ! 
 
 Not now, but very soon we hope that — 
 Lai. . Oh! 
 
 He's absent on some secret expedition ? 
 Fid. Or sick, or sulky ? ^ 
 
 Lord C Ladies, with permission, 
 
 We'll change the conversation, I'm commanded 
 
 To thank you on our coast for having landed. 
 Lai. No thanks on that account can be our due. 
 Fid. It was the waves obliged us, not we you. 
 
 Lord C, Next to request you'll condescend to make 
 
 This house your home, for its poor master's sake. 
 Fid. Poor master ! Oh, then, now I see the thing. 
 
 This monarch, madam, is some Railway King. 
 
 With other people's gold who ran these walls up, 
 
 And left whoever pleased to pay the calls up ! 
 Lai. Could such a company as this deceive me ! 
 
 Fid. They'll let you in for all they can, believe me ! 
 
 Lai. You should be all rich jewels that I view ! 
 
 If you are false ? 
 Lord C. Then never gem was true ! 
 
 Allow me to present the Lady Pearl — 
 
 Lord Ruby- Lord Chief Bar(jn Onyx — Earl 
 
 Topaz — Miss Turquoise— and Miss Sapphire — 
 two 
 
 Ladies who pride themselves on being blue — 
 
 Miss Amethyst — Miss Garnet - Ladies both 
 
 In waiting.
 
 16 
 
 Fid. \_./3side ] For some time I'll take my oath ? 
 £,ai- Ladies in waiting ! You've a Queen then heie ? 
 
 Lord C. Only since your arrival madam. 
 Lai. Dear! 
 
 You don't insinuate — 
 Lord C. Mere fact I'm stating, 
 
 I leave my king to be insinuating. [^Flourish. 
 
 That flourish speaks him nigh ! 
 ^(2(. I thought you said 
 
 He was not to be seen, alive or dead ? 
 Lord C. Nor is he, but unseen, he'll gaze on you, 
 
 And enter into conversation too ! 
 Lzi. With me! Where? When.? 
 
 Enter Slaves carrying a closed litter, which they place in 
 centre rf Stage, t.. h. 2 e. 
 
 Lord C. Now, from his throne of amber 
 
 He has an audience, but no presence chamber. 
 
 In private he your highness would receive, 
 
 And so respectfully we take our leave. 
 Lai. Fidelia may remain ? 
 jPid^ She means to do so. 
 
 Whether she may or not I 
 Lord C. If it please you so. 
 
 [Exeunt all but LAtDEO^^i:TTAa?^c? Fidelia, 2 e. l. h. 
 Lai. Fidelia, I'm getting rather nervous 1 
 
 To think the King is there and can observe us. 
 
 I suppose he'll speak first ? 
 Pid. He ought, no doubt. 
 
 Lai. What think you will the King's speech be about' 
 Fid. About the same, ma'am, that King's speeches 
 are 
 
 In general — nothing in particular. \_I\Iusic. 
 
 Lai. Hark ! from that symphony, I guess the King, 
 
 Has had it set to music, and will sing 
 
 His speech : 
 /?j^. A bright idea that I call, 
 
 For then the words can't signify at all. 
 
 King Emerald. 
 AIE,. — " Tf^ill you love vie then as now.''* 
 
 Do you think that you could love me, 
 Without knowing what I'm like ? 
 
 Will you undertake to wed me, 
 And a bargain blindly strike ?
 
 17 
 
 May I hope that you ivill pardon, 
 This proposal blunt and strange 1 
 
 That you'll not refuse a sovereign, 
 Nor that sovereign wish to change. 
 
 "Will vou marry me to-morrow, 
 
 And if not, why not ? and when ? • 
 
 "Will you love then as now, or. 
 
 Will you love me now and then ? 
 
 Lai. As I'm alive, a downright declaration. 
 
 Fid. He's popped the question, without hesitation! 
 
 Lai. How can I him address ? 
 
 Fid. Reporters teach, 
 
 The address is but the echo of the speech. 
 
 Lai But in this case he pays me his addresses. 
 
 Kintr. Excuse me, sweetest princess, but time presses, 
 And I can on no ceremony stand 
 Except the one which gives to me, your hand. 
 If that rare gift on me you will bestow. 
 The power of Magotine, our mutual foe, 
 Expires; but if I sue in vain, to-morrow 
 I shall be doomed to seven more years of sorrow. 
 And you will lose the only chance remaining, 
 Of all your charms in the world's eyes regaining. 
 
 Lai Good gracious ! 1 don't know, sir, what to say. 
 
 Fid. She really can't be hurried in this way ! 
 
 Lai. Fancy I'll marry one I've never seen. 
 
 Fid. Although an Kmerald, you can't be so green. 
 
 Lai. Prudence commands me look b.,'fore 1 leap, 
 
 Fid. Permit us but to have the slightest peep ! 
 
 King. Impossible ! To break the spell, I must 
 Be taken, for a husband upon trust. 
 If you've a heart to lead, you win a double, 
 K not, y3u lose your King, and mark but 
 trouble ! 
 
 Lai. I have a heart — you touch it to the qviick — 
 
 And when in doubt, Hoyle tells us win the trick 
 So I am yours, but mind, on one condition. 
 That ycm obtain my Pa and Ma.'s permission. 
 V\ ithout their sanction, I will never marry. 
 
 King. ]My Diamond cutter the dispatch shall carry, 
 And bring them hither both, without delay ! 
 To-morrow, sweet, shall be our wedding-day !
 
 18 
 
 Re-enter Lord Carbuncle and four slaves, who 
 Exeunt witli Litter, r. h. 2 e., leaving Fidelia and 
 Laidronetta. 
 
 Lai. Engaged ! I'm actually engaged I vow ! 
 
 Fid. Well, you have been and gone and done it now 
 
 Lai. He flung himself upon my generosity, 
 
 To have refused would have been an atrocity ! 
 Fid. Before you're generous though you should be just 
 Lai. The proverb s musty, and what must be must. 
 
 iShouis nitlwut. 
 
 Re-enter Lord Carbuncle, l. h. 2 e.. Attendants, 
 Guards, ^c. 
 
 What caused that shout ? 
 Lord C. The news of your election. 
 
 They're all enraptured with their King's selection 
 
 Each jewel sparkles with excess of joy, 
 
 In our gold's happiness there's no alloy. 
 
 Balls, banquets, and all sorts of festal doings, 
 
 Are to commemorate these happy wooings ; 
 
 And, in the first place, if it wouldn't bore you, 
 
 There is a ballet to be played before you. 
 
 By some rare gems of ai't, slaves of the King. 
 Lai. The ballet by all means ! 
 
 Fid. " The play's the thing !" 
 
 Lai- What is the argument — there's no ofience in't ! 
 
 Lord C. I hope you'll find a great deal of good sense in't. 
 Lat. Sense in a ballet ! 
 
 Lord C. Aye ! and moral too ! 
 
 Fid. A moral ballet will be something new ! 
 ■ Lord C. It is the tale of Cupid and of Psyche, 
 
 And how she paid for peeping. 
 Lai. ISlarting.j Eh! 
 
 Fid. IJside] Oh! crikey | 
 
 I take the hint — as Queen, engaged this 
 morning. 
 
 How not to lose her place, he gives her warning. 
 Thei/ take their seats, R. h. 
 
 BALLET OF 
 
 CUPID AND PSYCHE. 
 
 Venus appears upon her neglected altar, and invokes 
 the vengeance of (Jupid upon Pysche, to whom the 
 lymphs' have transferred the homage due to the Queen
 
 19 
 
 of Beauty. CupM promises to destroy Py-^che, and pre- 
 pares his most deailly shaft for her destruction. Psyche 
 enters surrounded by the ^ymphs, who place her on the 
 pedestal of Venus, and pay lier the same adoration they 
 formerly paid to the Goddess. Cupid advances to avenge 
 his mother but is struck by the beauty of Psyche, be- 
 comes enamoured of her and breaks his arrow Ihe 
 Nymphs depart with Psyche in triumph. Cupid sum- 
 mons Zepliyr, and commands him to bear oflf Psyche 
 from her companions. He then hastens the approach of 
 ^igh( — Zephyr returns, beaiing Psyche asleep. She 
 awakes and wonders whither she has been transported— 
 Starts at die whispered words of Cupid— Lstens timidly tj 
 the ddcbirations of h's passion, and gradually acknow- 
 ledges the influence of Love. Tableau, tke wdl h.own group 
 of Cupid and Payc/te. Psyche expresses a wish to behold 
 her lover, but Cupid intimates that it would cause her 
 destruction, and warns her not to attempt it. He departs 
 and It becomes light. Ps\ che de()loies the ahsence of her 
 lover. Her sisters enter, to whom she narrates her ad- 
 venture. 'I hey question her as to the person who has ob- 
 tained lier aflection. She declares her ignorance of his 
 name or features- They insinuate that he is a monster, 
 who will devour her — one brings her a lamp, the oiher a 
 dagger, and counsel her to watch till he sleeps, and then 
 kill him. Night returns, and with it Cupid. Awaiting 
 Psyche, he reclines on a couch of roses, and slumber 
 steals upon him. Psyche eniers cautiously, shading the 
 lamp with her hand, she approaches the couth, and draws 
 her dagger to strike the monster. The light reveals to 
 her the LJod of Love. Astonished and enraptured, she 
 holds the lamp over him, gazing on his features, when a 
 drop of oil is supposed to fall on the shoulder of Cupid, 
 and he awakes and discovers Psyche \\\\h. a dagger in 
 her grasp. He upbraids her with the neglect of tiis war- 
 ning. She implores his forgiveness lie is obdurate and 
 flies from her. Thunder and Lightning. Psyche aban- 
 doned by Cupid, fails prosiratein despair. Venus enters 
 with her repentant votaries, and ascends her pedestal. 
 1 lie Nymphs kneel awe stricken around her. Cupid ap- 
 pears deprecatmg the anger of Venus, who triumphantly 
 poiuts to the insensible form of Psyche — TABLLaU, 
 
 END OF FIKST ACT.
 
 20 
 
 ACT II.— SCEN'E I. 
 
 Aqua-Marine or Sea-Water-Gate of the Palace 
 
 Gardens in the Island of Jewels. 
 
 Enter Laidbonetta, l. h, 
 
 AIR. — " Where the Bee sucks^ 
 Woi'th a Jew's eye, now am I, 
 
 On a couch of Pearls I lie, 
 Served by Gems. Oh gemini ! 
 
 Won't I make the gold dust fly, 
 'Mongst the whole set, merrily ! 
 
 Merrily, merrily, shall I reign now, 
 Over the Jewels around me that bow. 
 
 \^After the Song^ exit Laidkonetta, l. h. — Jlrrival 
 of the Diamond Cutter, with the King and Queen 
 of Pharitale, Prince PrettiphexlLo, Princess 
 Bellotta, Count Meeeco, and State, they are 
 received on landing by the Princess Laidronbtta 
 and the Officers of State. 
 
 Lai. My royal parents, thus, on duteous knee — 
 
 King. Rise, daughter- for you're on the rise we see ! 
 
 And as I view this world of wealth and splen- 
 dour, 
 
 I feel my heart is growing vastly tender ! 
 
 And all the father in my soul awaking, 
 
 Tells me, too much of you I can't be making. 
 Queen. I never saw a girl improved so greatly ! 
 Cou Her highness has acquired an air so stately ! 
 
 Bel. That slight cast in her eye is rather pleasing ! 
 Pri. At such a nose, there needn't be much sneezing 
 
 Cou. Her hair, though red, has got that touch of 
 gold, 
 
 Wltich in the works of Titian we b^'hold. 
 Queen. And though, perhaps, high shouldered rather, 
 there 
 
 Is no hump'd back 1 
 King. Hump'd back ! and if there were. 
 
 With all those dazzling diamonds hung about, 
 
 I should just like to know who'd find it out ? 
 Lai. [^Aside.l 
 
 Love's blind, but love of gain must blinder be, 
 
 For none so blind as thos^' who will not see
 
 n 
 
 King. Daughter, forget our strange neglect of yore, 
 "We never knew what you were worth before. 
 
 AIR.— '^ Thj Fathtr anatj /" 
 
 Thy father I am ! — I admit the fond chiim, 
 
 I feel, 'pon my honour, I've been much to blame ; 
 
 Injustice I've done you— but pardon the sin — 
 
 Your Father you found ! (aside) when he heard of your tin 
 
 Lai. Obedience now, sir, is indeed a pleasure ! 
 
 Queen. Henceforth, we shall account you quite a 
 
 treasure. 
 Lai. And to my marriage, then, you give consent ? 
 King. Who could object to such a settlement ? 
 Queen. But where's my son-in-law, that is to be ? 
 Bel. I'm all impatience such a prince to see ! 
 
 Lai. Alas ! until we're married, Fate denies, 
 
 That he should shew himself to mortal eyes. 
 Pri. Until you're married ! you don't mean that y'ou 
 
 Have never seen him ? 
 Lai. Sir, indeed I do ! 
 
 King. Of course, then, from his portrait you decided. 
 
 As usual "in such case, made and provided?'' 
 Lai. I've seen no portrait of him ! 
 
 Queen. Goodness me ! 
 
 Upon his coin, his head at least must be ! 
 Lai. There is no coinage in this island. 
 
 King. No ! 
 
 No money going, that's a precious go ! 
 Pri. Can it be possible, a golden nation. 
 
 And not one sovereign seen in circulation. 
 King, Is it all a trick, you make this mighty splash on, 
 
 Or, is the tally system here in fashion ? 
 Pri. Or do these noble rubies and carbuncles, 
 
 Visit, alternately, each other's uncles ? 
 Lai. 1 he currency is gold dust and seed pearl ; 
 
 King. [_Aside2 Aha ! egad ! there's gumption in the girl. 
 
 She cares not for her husband's physiognomy — 
 
 She looks to the " political economy !" 
 
 He flings his gold-dust in her eyes, and she, 
 
 Having see'd pearl enough, nought else would 
 see. 
 l^loud] It matters not, when folks are rich as Jews, 
 
 They may indulge in any whim they choose. 
 
 And after all, they ask you in the city, 
 " Is a man good ?" they don't say, " Is he pretty ?"
 
 22 
 
 When Desdemona made her bargain blind, 
 
 She " saw Othello's visage in his mind." 
 
 But the young lady can't be in the wrong box, 
 
 Who sees her husband's image in his strong box. 
 
 \^Retires up. 
 Bel. \_Aside] Her set of diamonds make my fingers itch. 
 
 My husband's handsome, but by no means rich. 
 [To Peince.] To think that fright should get 
 so great a catch, 
 
 I cannot bear it, let us spoil the match ? . 
 [7b Laidbonetta.] Sister, a word with you ; 
 Lai. Ten, if you please ! 
 
 Bel. I marvel you can be so much at ease 
 
 About this marriage I don't like this mystery, 
 
 And would know more of this King Emerald's 
 history. 
 
 With all his wealth, I wonder you don't wince 
 
 At wedding an invisible Prince, 
 
 W ho may turn out a monster ! 
 Lai. Sure you joke ! 
 
 Pri. You're buying here a green pig in a poke ! 
 Lai. A green pig ! what a sight my eyes to set afore ! 
 Pri. Nay, I but used that phrase by way of metaphor. 
 Lai. A green pig, sir, I never met afore. 
 
 Although I started once from the " Blue Boar." 
 
 And now I start to think I may, incog. 
 
 Go rashly the entire verdant hog ! 
 Pri. Aye, think of that, although at random said, 
 
 I may have hit the right nail on the head. 
 
 And only fancy, should it prove that this King, 
 
 Stood in his shoes but four feet of pork griskin. 
 
 ITiat you, when through his gammon, made a 
 fair rib, 
 
 Should find yourself sold for a bacon spare-rib ! 
 Lai. Horrible thought, my jaw with terror drops ! 
 
 Bel. Fancy his cheeks a huge pair of Bath chops ; 
 
 Pri. A spouse with tusks, pig's trotters for his toes, 
 
 Bel. And who can wear a ring, but through his nose ! 
 
 Lai. No more — no more — the die Is cast, and I 
 
 Must stand, and will, the hazard of 
 Pri. The stye ! [Retires up. 
 
 Lai. [Aside.'\ Their every word a dagger in me digs ! 
 Bel. To a fine market you have brought your pigs. 
 
 But I have done, upon this match absurd, 
 
 " From this time forth, I never will speak word.
 
 23 
 
 Cou. Her highness seems much moved. 
 
 Lai. Not much— not much. 
 
 King [roBELLOTTA] What have you said, your sister 
 
 thus to touch, 
 Bel. I gave her some advice, sir, nothing more. 
 King. Advice, nine times in ten's a horrid bore ! 
 Pri. A horrid boar ! you touch her now more nearly, 
 
 King. Upon my honor, she looks very queerly ! 
 Queen. What is the matter with you, Laidronetta ? 
 Lai. I felt a little faint, but now I'm better. 
 King. You must have frightened her, she turned so pale 
 
 About her husband is there any tale ? 
 Bel. I fear there is. . 
 
 King. [2o Bellotta.] Unfold it, if you know! 
 Bel. Pardon me, sir, I do but fancy so. 
 
 King. Fancy a fiddlestick ! In such a nation, 
 
 Why waste your time in dangerous speculation? 
 With banks all made of bullion, if you're wise, 
 Don't speculate — but promptly realize ! 
 Bel. My very counsel, sir, wed I would not, 
 
 If I were she, 'till I knew wlio and what ? 
 King. AVhat signifies " Who's who ?" She gets a lot 
 Of gold, and that proves she does know what's 
 what. 
 Bel. Why shirk, in proper form, his bride to meet ? 
 
 Pn. Is the gem false? — The Sovereign counterfeit? 
 
 Bel. AVliat's his estate, both personal and reiil ? 
 
 Pri. Is he a beau, or but a beau ideal ? 
 
 King- Make a mere nobody of such a King ! 
 It's treason to imagine sucii a thins! 
 His conduct, m this case, quite orthodox is, 
 Monarchs are mar. ied frequently by proxies. 
 A question of the hand, and not the heart, is 
 Such jobs, between the high contracting parties 
 [To Laidronetta] 
 
 Daughter, until the nuptial hour arrive, 
 Aboi'.t this grand metropolis we'll drive. 
 And see the lions, whilst we take the air, " 
 Up Silver Street, and all round Golden Square. 
 [Exeinit all but Laidronetta. 
 Lai. Farewell, who knows if we shall meet again? 
 
 I feel a faint cold fear tlirill through each vein. 
 That almost freezes up the heat of life ! 
 Of a green pig must 1 become the wife ? 
 I'll call them back again fo comfort me — 
 Fa, pa, pooh ! pooh ! small comlbrt would be,
 
 24 
 
 Must I perforce, be married to this monster? 
 No, no, this shall forbid the banns! 
 
 \_Drams a dagger. 
 
 Enter Fidelia, r. h. 
 
 Fid. With conster- 
 
 Nation I see my princess in a pucker ! 
 Lai. Wliere shall 1 fly, for safety or for succour ? 
 
 Fid. Won't they consent, then i* Js your father flint, 
 
 Your mother marble ? 
 Lai. No, I've had a hint 
 
 So horrible, it shakes my very soul ! 
 
 My husband, girl — 
 Fid. In riches don't he roll ? 
 
 I might say wallow ! 
 Lai. Ah ! I fear you might ! 
 
 Wallow, indeed, she harps my fears aright ? 
 Fid. Then for reports, why need you care two fi<TS 1 
 
 You'll have no end of money, please the jjigs. 
 Lai. The pigs ! ah, me ! 
 Fid. Her tears still faster trickle I 
 
 What is the matter is King Emerald fickle i 
 Lai. Alas ! good wench, the danger is much greater. 
 
 Fid. You don't say so— Oh ! then I guess!— the 
 
 traitor, 
 
 "Wliilst you accepted him, without misgiving, 
 
 Has got a wife, and seven brats all living. 
 Lai. No ; no ; you'll never guess — therefore, be mute. 
 
 Whilst I disclose to you — he is a brute 
 
 I fear, but not of that peculiar kind. 
 Fid. Oh ! madam, such reports you mustn't mind. 
 
 The man has got a temper I dare say. 
 
 Is rathf'r fond of having his own way ; 
 
 To his o2:)inions obstinately wedded, 
 
 Some husbands are remarkably pig-headed. 
 Lai. That's it, Fidelia ! should I by ill-luck, 
 
 M arry a pig ! 
 Fid. I stare like one that's stuck. 
 
 Lai. A green pig, that would make a showman's 
 
 fortune. 
 
 At half a hog a head, shown at hogsnorton ! 
 Fid. You cannot this believe in sober sadness .' 
 Lai. I do ! 
 Fid. Oh ! this is very moonstruck madness.
 
 25 
 
 But to dispel your fear, no time is fitter, 
 Behold ! this way they bear the royal litter. 
 
 Lai. Litter ! each word goes to my very heart ! 
 
 Fid. Let you and I a moment stand apart. 
 
 And when to be unseen we're safe and certain. 
 Steal out, and take one peep behind the curtain. 
 
 Lai. But you forget the warning and the fate of 
 Psyche ! 
 
 Fid. Ma'am, the difference is great. 
 Her curiosity was very stupid. 
 E'en in the dark, she ought to have known 
 
 Cupid. 
 Besides, she for a monster first mistook him, 
 And therefore had no right to overlook him ! 
 But with a gentleman you thought you treated 
 If he's four footed yovir hand is forfeited ; 
 And you possess a right, as daylight clear. 
 To prove you've got the wrong pig by the ear ! 
 
 [They retire. 
 
 Enter Slaves, bearing the litter closely curtained, as before, 
 attended by Lord Carbuxcle — He makes a sign to the. 
 Slaves, who set down the litter under the trees and exeunt. 
 
 Fid. [Jdvancingl Hail, great Carbuncle ! 
 
 Car. Pray don't make a din, 
 
 Fid. What, is his precious majesty within ? 
 Car. He is and dozing. 
 
 Fid. Dozing at this hour ? 
 
 Car. Yes, every day we bear him to this bower. 
 
 After his lunch, to take a short siesta. 
 Fanned by the gentle gale, a soft sou-wester. 
 
 Fid.[Aside']Son wester ! Humph, the quarteris suspicious 
 For what is in the wind — but most propitious 
 The Royal nap. \_Makps signs to Laidronetta. 
 
 Lai. The wink to me she's tijDping ! 
 
 Fid. [_To Carbuncle ] Would you gather me a golden 
 pippin '■ 
 
 Lord C. With pleasure. [Exit b.h. 
 
 Fid. [To Laiukoxetta ] Now, one peep, whate'er it cost. 
 [Thpy loi'hdraiv the curtain, and discover the 
 Green Serpent. 
 
 Lai. [Shrieking'] Ah ! the green serpent. 
 
 Fid. Murder ! [Exit l.h. 
 
 Lord C. Treason ! [Ejiit l.h. 
 
 Serp. Lost !
 
 26 
 
 Rash Laldronetta. Ah, what hast thou done ? 
 By Magotine again the game is won. 
 Farewell, perhaps for ever ! 
 
 [Disappears — Thunder — Lightning. 
 The Fairy Magotine appears, i,. h. 2 e. 
 
 Mag. Ha! ha! ha! 
 
 Well done. Princess, bravo ! bravissima ! 
 I scarcely hoped to triumph so completely, 
 Now I can satisfy my vengeance sweetly. 
 
 Fnter King, Queen, Pkince, Bellotta and Count. 
 
 King. "Who's kicked this precious row up in the sky, 
 
 And put their finger in the world's great eye ? 
 Pri. What, is the bride ready to go to church ? 
 Mag, No, for the bridegi-oom's left her in the lurch. 
 Queen. The Fairy Magotine ! 
 Mag. -^J^i madam, me. 
 
 An uninvited guest again you see. 
 
 Sweeji, ye wild hurricanes, these gimcrack 
 shores. 
 
 And turn these fortune hunters out of doors. 
 
 listOrm TAe K l NG, Qu EEN,PKINCE,BELLOTTil , 
 
 and CovNT ^1/ in terror, l. h- 
 I, with my captive, to my caves Basaltic, 
 Girt by the stormy billows of the Baltic. 
 
 l_The Scene changes to 
 
 Basaltic Caverns. 
 
 Mag. For seven long years, at least, here must you b e 
 My captive and my slave. 
 
 Lai, Ah ! woe is me. 
 
 What have I done to merit such a fate ? 
 
 Mag. You are the daughter of a Queen I hate ! 
 
 Lai. Of vengeance have you not had" quantum suff," 
 
 Made me a scarecrow to all mortals, 
 
 Mag. Stuff! 
 
 The other Fairies with such virtues deck'd you, 
 My spell was scarcely able to affect you. 
 M en's eyes alone obeyed my magic arts. 
 Your goodness gave you power o'er their hearts 
 E'en on a serpent it could make impi-ession, 
 And but for this most lucky indiscretion 
 You and that vile insinuating viper 
 Had danced for joy, whilst I had paid the piper. 
 
 Lai, How was your happiness by ours affected I 
 
 Mag. King Emerald with scorn my hand rejected,
 
 2T 
 
 And I in you, a favored rival see. 
 
 Lai. Tin sure you're welcome to him quite for me. 
 He's frightened me almost out of my senses. _ 
 
 Ma(r. But he loves you, and that the worst offence is. 
 I've got you now though, both beneath my thumb, 
 And I wUl work you for seven years to come. 
 Here, spin this tangled spider's web, and make 
 A net of it, that's strong enough to take 
 A salmon with— I want some tish for dinnev. 
 
 Lai. Madam, although a spinster, I'm no spinner, 
 
 But I will do the best that's in my power, 
 When wUl you want it, ma'am 1 
 
 Mag. In talf an hour. 
 
 Laidkonktta. 
 
 AIR—"' Prai/ Goody.''' 
 
 Pray, madam, please to calculate, unless the clock be 
 wrong. 
 But thirty minutes, half an hour supplies. 
 Remember spiders' webs ai*e weak and fishing nets are 
 strong, 
 And Salmons much larger than Flies. 
 Slimy, grimy work, I cant bear nigh me. 
 
 Fun you'i e making — sure you're taking out of me a rise, 
 Pray, madam, please to calculate, &c. 
 Mag. No matter ; For each thread you break, a day 
 Longer within this cave you'U have to stay. 
 
 \^Exit B. H. 
 Lai. In half an hour, impossible ! 
 
 Tlie Faiet Benevolestia appears. 
 
 Ben. _ Nay, try, 
 
 To love there's no impossibility ! 
 
 Lai. My goodness gracious, who is this fair dame ? 
 
 Ben. One of your dozen Godmothers — my name 
 Benevolentia. To my gift you owe, 
 The kindly heart that melts at others woe. 
 And as to pity, love is near akin. 
 Pity this wretched snake, and fearless spin. 
 
 The Green Serpent is seen. 
 
 Lai. The Snake again. 1 hou guileful monster, hence. 
 
 [Serpe7it retires. 
 
 Ben. Guileful ! How so ? His love was no pretence. 
 Each syllable he spoke, you've found too true. 
 For breach of promise he might well sue you.
 
 28 
 
 Your word was pledged to him upon trust, 
 For better or for worse. 
 Lai _ Owu that I must. 
 
 But he is so much worse than I believed him. 
 Ben. He'd have been better had you not deceived him 
 Prove by compassion, you've your fault repented, 
 And Magotine may yet be circumvented. 
 Lai. If ] have wrong'd him, I apologize, 
 I would'nt hurt a worm of any size ! 
 Ben. Enough ! Spin web, weave net, in half a minute, 
 And Magotine herself we may catch in it ! 
 \_The web disappears from spindle, ana the net is 
 seen hangins on the wall. 
 Adieu ! Kemember, love should love be won by> 
 And the best rule is, " do as you'd be done by.'' 
 
 {^Disappears. 
 Lai. Well, when the poet wrote '■'■nil admirari," 
 He certainly had never known a Fairy. 
 Or else, as but too fi-equently the fact is. 
 He preached to others, what he couldn't practice. 
 The web is spun, and a strong net made of it, 
 And I am to receive the whole net profit ! 
 Such liberality what can surpass ? 
 The poor Snake, too, was no snake in the grass. 
 But though of fearful aspect and dimensions, 
 A serpent of most honourable intentions ! 
 Under a great mistake he oft may labour, 
 Who from appearances, condemns his neighbour. 
 
 Enter Fairy Magotine, r, h. 
 
 Mag. So, how gets on the work ? Ihe time is nigh ? 
 
 How often have you snapped the thread ? reply ! 
 Lai. Kot once — the whole web 1 found nothing frail in 
 
 And there's a net that you may catch a whale in ! 
 Mag. A whale ! That's very like a whale, forsooth ! 
 
 \_Seeing net. 
 
 \_Aside^ Furies and fire ! why she speaks the 
 truth. 
 
 Can she have made these meshes single-fisted, 
 
 Or has she been by some sly elf assisted? 
 
 [Aloud.] Upon my word, you are so vastly clever 
 
 To find some job for you I must endeavour. 
 
 Worthy your ingenuity. What ho ! 
 
 Cast me those iron shoes up from below 
 
 \_An Elf rises holding a pair of iron s/toes
 
 oq 
 
 Screw her feet into themS 
 
 IThe Elves obey. Laideonetta screams 
 Oh he ! don't squall ! 
 Pride must be pinched, a shoe can't be too small. 
 Now bring a mill stone, from the ruins nigh, 
 And round her neck the pretty bauble tie! 
 
 [A mill-stone is brought, and fastened round her neck . 
 
 There ! for your journey now you are equipped 
 So take this pitcher, by you to be dipped 
 In the pure water of the silver fountain, 
 Which plays up on the top of the steel mountain 
 Fill with a quart of it this broken jug, 
 And bring it here, with your own ugly mug. 
 Hence 
 
 Lai. But the road ? 
 
 Mag. Your iron shoes will show — 
 
 The cunning soles no other way will go ! 
 
 DUETTIXO.— " Macbeth-'' 
 F.URY Magotinb. 
 So right about, obey the spell, 
 And bear the pitcher to the well. 
 
 Laidronetta. [Looking at the hole in it. 
 If truth be in proverbial lore, 
 It must have been there oft' before, 
 
 Faikt Magotine. 
 'Tis Idle at your shoes to flinch. 
 You'll find them iiseful at a pinch. 
 
 Laidronetta. 
 I know 'tis bootless to entreat, 
 And they put on their metal, both my feet. 
 
 \_E.Tit Laidronetta, r. h. 
 Mag. Now ! either like the rest, her crown she 11 crack 
 Or bring the water I so long for, back ! 
 A few drops only o'er my person sprinkled, 
 I shall no more with age be bent and wrinkled. 
 But the possessor of a face and form, 
 Which must the stony heart of Emerald warm. 
 How I shall laugh if my spell prove strongest. 
 
 \_Exit R. H. 
 [The Fairy Benevoleniia appeal's, and tuhes down 
 the net. 
 
 Ben. The proverb says, " Those who laugh last, laugh 
 lon^itest!"
 
 30 
 
 SONG. 
 
 AIR. — '' Farwell to the Mountain- 
 The well on yon Mountain, 
 Of steel in the vale, 
 Is fed by a fountain 
 Which never can fail ! 
 The Water of Truth, 
 With its magical spell, 
 Is the pure draught you draw 
 From the depths of that well. 
 A well by whose virtue 
 All falsehood is shewn. 
 Is one which by some folks 
 Is well let alone. 
 The step must be firm. 
 And the heart nobly swell, 
 Of the mortal who travels 
 The path to that well ! 
 The well on yon mountains 
 Of steel in the vale, 
 Is fed by a fountain. 
 Which never can fail. 
 False Magotine's malice. 
 Its pure di-aught shall quell. 
 And kindness shall conquer. 
 And true love fare well ! 
 
 [Eocit with net. 
 SCENE III. 
 
 Rocky Pass, and Foot of the Steel Mountain.— 
 
 Storm raging. 
 
 Enter Prince Prettiphello vnd Beixotta. 
 
 Pri. Oh fortune ! well may mortals call you fickle ! 
 
 You're Prettiphello's in a pretty pickle ? 
 
 Sel. Papa and Ma are in the same sweet mess, 
 
 Pri. The same ejectment, and the same distress, 
 
 Have thrown iis on this parish, quite unknown, 
 Too poor to have a union of its own, 
 
 Bel. It serves us right, my sister would declare, 
 
 For having broken up her union there. 
 Not that we even overcharged the picture, 
 The green boar turned out a green boa con- 
 strictor ; 
 I'd rather, were I forced a choice to make, 
 Pig with a pig, than go snacks witha snake !
 
 n 
 
 1 
 
 Pri. As to the King, who thought such wealth to sack, 
 The blow has given his cranium quite a crack, 
 His talk is all of money, but so queer, 
 I really think he must have seen King Lear. 
 
 Enier King, Queen, and Count. 
 
 Kintr. Blow winds and crack your cheeks, the clouds 
 go spout I 
 To raise the wind, and get a good blow out. 
 Rain cats and dogs, or pitchforks perpendicular. 
 The sky's not mine, and need'nt be particular. 
 I tax not you, ye elements, you pay 
 No duty under schedules D or A, 
 You owe me no svibscription. Funds may fall, 
 It makes no diflfei-ence to you at all. 
 
 Bel. Gracious, papa ! don't stand here if you please. 
 
 Queen. Things that love night, love not such nights as 
 these. 
 Persuade him to move on Prince Prettiphello. 
 
 PH. Are you aware, sir, you have no umbrella ? 
 
 King. A thought has struck me, rather entertaining, 
 I am a King more rained upon, than reigning. 
 My wits are going fast ! 
 
 Queen. I fear 'tis so; 
 
 Pri. Take comfort, ma'am, there are so few to go, 
 
 Would that our loss was nothing more, alas ! 
 
 King. AVhat,have his daughters brought him to this pass? 
 
 Cou. He has no daughters, sir. 
 
 King. 'Sdeath ! don't tell fibs ! 
 
 He must have one who won't down with the dibs, 
 Although she's made of money ! Nothing I know. 
 Bothers your gig so much, as want of rAino 9 
 
 Pri. His head's quite turned with losing all that pelf. 
 
 King. For coining they cant touch the King hmise f. 
 
 Queen. Here's a dry cavern, if he wovdd but cross over. 
 
 King. I'd talk a word or two with this philosopher ! 
 AVhat is the price of stocks ? 
 
 Pri. Mine are but low, 
 
 Suppose you just walk in, some here may know. 
 
 King. A famous dodge ! For ninety millions draw 
 A bill at sight, upon my son in law, 
 And then — bolt — bolt — bolt — bolt. 
 [Exeunt King into Cavern, followed by Queen, 
 
 ^C. L. H.
 
 Enter Fidelia, l h. 
 
 Fid. After my mistress all night I've been jogging, 
 Tho' its a night you'd not turn a dog in ; 
 And I begin to fear I've missed my way, 
 Tho' where 1 want to go to, I can't say — 
 But I suppose my lady is somewhere, 
 And I am quite determined to go there ? 
 
 AIR—" Trab, Trab." 
 
 To find my mistress dear, I 
 
 Put forward my best foot, 
 
 Till both have grown so weary. 
 
 I've no best first to put ! 
 
 But whether best or not. 
 
 While any foot I've got 
 
 111 tramp, tramp, tramp, like Jetty Treffz, 
 
 And trot, trot, trot, trot ! 
 
 Of legs I've not the worst pair. 
 Perhaps that e'er was seen. 
 Besides they are the first pair 
 On which, as yet, I've been. 
 But give in, I would not, 
 Though on my last I'd got. 
 I'd tramp, tramp, tramp, &c. 
 
 Here's some one coming, who perchance may 
 
 guide me, 
 I thought no mortal could be out beside me. 
 
 Enter Laidronetta, l. h. 
 
 Lai. Well, I can't say I'd take this walk by choice ! 
 
 Fid. Out and alas, it is my lady's voice ! 
 
 Lai. Fidelia? 
 
 pj^^^ Oh ! what words my joy can measure 
 
 £ai'. This is, indeed, an unexpected pleasure ! 
 
 Fid. But what's this stone about your neck I see ? 
 
 Xat.' About a hundred weight, it seems to me. 
 
 Fid' And on your feet, what horrid clogs to use ! 
 
 Lai You wouldn't much like standing in my shoes. 
 
 Fid. Off '^^■it'^ ^°*^^ ^'^^^^ ^^^ stone. 
 
 Lai. I can't, they're spell bound, 
 
 And so am I, to seek a magic well, bound, 
 Upon the summit of the steep Steel Hill, 
 And with its water, this old pitcher fill. 
 
 Pid. This pitcher ! Why 'tis cracked, and so must he, 
 Who sent you on this crazy errand, be.
 
 33 
 
 Lai. Not be — the person's feminine in gender, 
 For the vindictive Magotine's the sender ! 
 The serpent's tale was true, I now my folly se€, 
 And feel that honesty's the safest policy. 
 
 Fid. I was your counsel, I will share your sentence. 
 
 Enter Faikt Benevolentia. 
 
 Ben. Nay, for too late can never come repentance, 
 
 When 'tis sincere. 
 ■Fid. A fairy for a shilling ! 
 
 Ben. To hold the serpent hainnless, are you willing. 
 Lai. Too happy ! 
 
 [The Moon appears, and hy her lia-ht the Steel 
 Mountain is seen at the back of the stage. 
 Ben. Then behold the steep Steel Hill, 
 
 Up which no human Jack or mortal Jill, 
 Ever yet went to fetch a pail of water, 
 But Jack fell down, and Jill came tumbling after. 
 But upon this occasion, I will show. 
 To what lengths snakes, who are in love, can go. 
 [Waves her uand — Lhe Serpent appears. 
 
 Stand and unfold thyself, and never stop, 
 Till made a winding staircase to the top. 
 
 [The Serpent glides up the side of the Moun- 
 tain, forming a succession of coils like slept 
 to the summit. 
 Fid. Is there alive a more obliging adder. 
 
 To make his scaly back a scaling ladder .' 
 Lai. For the Sea Serpent he might well be shown! 
 
 Fid. The gi'eatest stretch of kindness ever known. 
 Lai. To such extent when friendship is displayed, 
 
 Lawyers would call it, " an extent in aid!" 
 Ben. Now boldly up. and in the well dip thrice 
 
 The broken jug — but take a friend's advice. 
 Don't drink or touch a drop of water, till. 
 You've got in safety once more down the hill. 
 
 [Music — Laidkonetta ascends the coils of the Serpent., 
 and disappears at the top of the mounlain. 
 
 Fidelia. 
 AIR. — " Such a getting up Stairs." 
 
 Such a getting up stairs, and a playing on the serpent, 
 Such a getting up stairs I never did sec !
 
 34 
 
 The course is clear, the ruck must yield, 
 She backs her favourite 'gainst the field, 
 She'll win the cup, full to the brim ! 
 I must own — " all along of him !" 
 
 Such a getting up stairs, &c. 
 
 [Laidronetta descends, divested of the mill-stone 
 and iron shoes, and bearing a golden vase in her 
 hand, full of water. 
 
 Lai. [Zb Snake.] A thousand thanks, I hope I didn't 
 hurt you. 
 Oh! madam \_To Fairy'] of this spring behold 
 
 the virtue — 
 The fii'st dip that I took into the well, 
 Down with a splash the heavy millstone fell : 
 The second dip, off went my iron shoes ! 
 And at the third, the broken earthen cruse 
 Changed in an instant, to this vase of gold, 
 And down I've brought it full as it will hold ! 
 
 Ben. The water in it has a wond'rous charm, 
 
 And as you use it, works for good or harm. 
 Apply it outwardly, and all will see, 
 That you're as handsome as you need to be ; 
 But taken inwardly, with all your heart, 
 'Twill to yon Serpent happiness impart. 
 Choose, you can do whichever you like best, 
 Seem yourself beautiful, or make hun blest. 
 
 I''id. Upon my word a puzzling situation ! 
 
 Lai. No, I decide, ma'am without hesitation. 
 
 [To Snake] Since I can serve you, here's my 
 
 service to you ; 
 Your health, poor Snake, and much good may 
 it do you. [^Drinks. 
 
 Ben. WeU done! such actions beautiful must make 
 
 you 
 
 In all men's eyes, and none will hence mistake 
 you. 
 [Tie Serpent disappears. — The Scene changes to a 
 Magnificent Fairy Gardeyu and King Emerald 
 appears surrounded by his Court. 
 
 Behold your spouse, love him perhaps you can. 
 Fid. Oh, gemimi 1 a jewel of a man ! 
 
 Enter Fairy Magotine e. h. with her elves, 
 Mag. My patience is exhausted ? AVhere's this jade ? 
 How now I What's here to do i False stars ! 
 betrayed !
 
 35 
 
 The charm dissolved ! the serpent cast his skin 
 Fid. He has jumped out and you may now jump in. 
 
 Ben. Malicious hag, who snares for others set. 
 
 Be as you should be, caught in your own net ! 
 [Puts the net ouer Magotinb. 
 
 And by your own bad spirits, live tormented ! 
 [To Laideonetta. [Magoiine and her Elves sink. 
 
 By Hymen now your bliss shall be cemented. 
 
 Share with King Emerald his island throne, 
 
 A richer jewel it could never own. 
 
 Your selfish kin, for your sake, I forgive, 
 
 Approach 1 
 Enter KI^G, Queen, Bellotta, Prince, and Count. 
 
 And mark this maxim, while you live — 
 
 If mortals would be liappy here below, 
 
 The surest way is making others so ! 
 
 FINALE.—" Crown Diamonds." 
 Laidronetta. 
 As jewels once they'd hearts of stone. 
 But now restored to flesh and bone — 
 They tremble least from wrath or whim. 
 Your breath should all their lustre dim. 
 
 Fairy Beni volentia. 
 We tried to make 'em precious fine. 
 Don't from 'em all take out the shine, 
 Our poor stage diamonds don't disdain. 
 And if you cut 'em, come again ! 
 
 Fidelia. 
 Paste though they may appear, 
 To some great Pit-diamond here — 
 Let then your pretty dear 
 Childi-en entertain ! 
 
 Laidkonetta, 
 The purest gem may have a flaw, 
 Perfection none yet ever saw, 
 Though all that glitters isn't gold, 
 To pass for such the mass is bold. 
 
 Fidelia. 
 Then let the candour gain applause, 
 Of Jewels who confess their flaws, 
 1 own my gill, nay more admit, 
 I mean jour gold to pay for it. 
 
 All. 
 Paste though they may appear, &c. 
 
 Brilliant Discovery of the Crown Jewels, 
 
 tableau FINIS.
 
 ~^J 
 
 J 
 
 ^
 
 THE 
 
 QUEEN OF THE FEOGS 
 
 /? 
 
 A FAIRY EXTRAVAGANZA, 
 By J. E. PLANCHE, Esq. 
 
 AUTHOE OF 
 
 Fortunio ; The Fair One with the Golden Locks ; The White Cat ; The 
 
 Sleeping Beauty ; Graciosaand Percinet; The Birds of Aristophanes; 
 
 The Golden Fleece; The Invisible Prince; The Golden 
 
 Branch ; King of the Peacocks ; Cymon and 
 
 Iphigenia ; The Island of Jewels, &c. 
 
 Correctly Printed from the Prompt Book, with Exits, 
 
 Entrances, &c. 
 
 First Performed at the 
 ROYAL LYCEUM THEATRE, 
 
 On Easter Monday, April 21s^, 1851. 
 
 PUBLISHED BY 9. O. F.VIRBROTHEB, 31, BOW STREET ; SOLD Af.SO 
 
 BY W. STRANGE, PATERNOSTER ROW ; G. BERGER, HOLYWELL 
 
 STREET, STRAND ; C. HARRIS, BOW STREET ; T H. LACY, 
 
 WELLINGTON ST. NORTH ; W. C. WILLIAMS, 3, ACTON 
 
 PLACE, BAGNIGGE WELLS ROAD. LONDON ; J. 
 
 EBSWORTH, EDINBURGH; WISEHEART, 
 
 DUBLIN; AND ALL BOOKSELUCKS. 
 
 PRICE ONE SHILLING.
 
 DRA9IATIS PSRSOTVtS:. 
 
 Fulminoso, tie Pugnacious, - Mr. CH ARLES MATHEWS 
 
 (a Monarch witli the Organ of Combativeness very strongly 
 
 developed, but the best of Kings, Husbands, and Fathers) 
 
 Dulcibella, - - Mrs. FRANK MATTHEWS 
 
 (his Beloved Queen and Devoted Wife) 
 
 Princess Carissima, - - Miss JULIA ST. GEORGE 
 
 (their only Child — the " one fair daughter and no more," 
 
 the which they " love passing well ") 
 
 Espado, ^ r Mr. H. HORN CASTLE 
 
 Allebardo, [ Officersof 1 ^^^ ^^^^ 
 
 Arquebusado, j| all Arms ^ Mr. DE COURCY 
 
 Ladies and Gentlemen of the Court, Body Guards, Troops of the 
 
 Line, &c. 
 
 Prince Nonpareil, - - - Miss M. OLIVER 
 
 (Heir Apparent to King Pipping 
 
 His Suite —Mesdames Burbidge, Mars, Maile, Maurice, Wadhara, 
 
 Bodmin, Hunt, C. Hunt, Edwards, Ford, Webber, Clarkson, Gale, 
 
 Martineuz, Mears &c. 
 
 Grenouilletta, - - . Miss MARTINDALE 
 
 (Queen of the Frogs, and half Fairy, but an entire 
 
 Sovereign) 
 
 Leona, - - . Mr. ROBERT ROXBY 
 
 {alias the '• Fairy Lioness "—a single Lady of a certain age, 
 
 ■with a double face and figure) 
 
 The Dragon, - - - Mr. MORRIS 
 
 Fee-Fo-Fum, - - - xMr. CHARLES 
 
 (a Monster, with more in him than he has credit for, and 
 
 who is literally cut into two parts) 
 
 Hi-Ski-Hi, (his Familiar Giant) Mr. SIMMONDS 
 
 Monsters, Beasts and Reptiles, by the only persons who could be 
 
 found capable of acting as such.
 
 THE QUEEN OF THE FROGS. 
 
 ACT I.— SCENE I. 
 
 Interior of a Besieged City. 
 
 Troops discovered defending it. As the curtain rises an assault is 
 being made — Cannon. 
 
 Eepado, AUebardo, Arquebusado, Antirumo and Officers. 
 
 SOLO AND CHORUS.—" Sturm March:' 
 
 Louder the thunder storm of battle roars ! 
 Down, down, down upon the foe it pours ; 
 Faster the whistling bullets on them rain. 
 Bang ! bang ! blaze away again, again ! 
 March and form, and charge and wheel, 
 Spare for neither shot nor steel. 
 Talk of Concerts, Promenades, 
 Here's the true " Sturm March," my blades : 
 Here the Band and here the Ball, 
 Makes, at least, more noise than all ! 
 
 Enter at Flourish, 2 e.r.h. Kijra Fulminoso & Soldiers. 
 
 King. Bravo ! brave army ! very much bravo ! 
 
 Thrice have we beaten back the haughty foe ! 
 
 Thrice hath he striven here his foot to fijc, 
 
 And by his motion thrice has taken nix ! 
 Esp. [l.] But still we weaker grow, instead of stronger, 
 
 And can't keep on a-beating him much longer. 
 King. I'll fight till off my bones the flesh is hacked ! 
 
 Hang those that talk of fear ! 
 Esp. If when they're whacked. 
 
 The fools don't know it, and for mercy sue, 
 
 What's to be done ? 
 King. Why, whack 'em till they do !
 
 6 
 
 Open the gates, and let us make a sally, 
 Upon the rogues, before they've time to rally ! 
 
 Princess I i^^t^'^ut l. 3 e.] Stop ! stop! stop! 
 
 King. What cry was that ? 
 
 Esp. Methought the squalls 
 
 Of female Women ! 
 King. ^ Ha ! within these walls. 
 
 My wife ! my child ! by what event untoward ? — 
 
 Oh now indeed I feel I am a coward ! 
 
 Enter Queen and Princess 3 e. l. a. 
 My DulcibeUa! 
 Queen, [l.] Oh ! my Fuhninoso ! 
 
 To risk your life I will not let you go so ! 
 Can't you look on, as other Monarchs do, 
 And see your subjects fight ? Ah ! why should you 
 Expose yourself to all those horrid things, 
 That pay no sort of reverence to Kings, 
 But woidd as quickly crack your precious crown, 
 As knock a little duck-legged drummer down. 
 Let scores of little duck-legged drummers fall. 
 It is their business — but not yours at all ! 
 Princess, [e.] If you are deaf to dear mama's appeals, 
 
 See at your feet your only daughter kneels ! {kneeh. 
 Cut while you can this cut-throat occupation, 
 And join at once the Peace Association, 
 King, [c] Come Mars and case my heart in threefold buff, 
 
 Or both my ears with thy gun cotton stuff! 
 Princess. Father I 
 King. Away ! 
 
 Queen, [kneeling.'] Husband ! 
 
 King. Arise ! 
 
 Queen. No ! never 
 
 Here on our knees we'll both remain for ever ! 
 King. For ever ! 
 Queen. Yes ! for ever and a day — 
 
 Unless .you melt. 
 King. To melt's to run away, 
 
 And Fulminoso wasn't born to fly, 
 1 could'nt do it ! 
 
 Princess \ If jo^^'^ 0^7 ^^7 ' {Alarm. Camm.\ 
 
 ]\Iy liege the Enemy again advances ! 
 
 King. Ha ! then in gentle force my only chance is. 
 Tear us asunder— with the greatest care ! 
 
 Princess I faint ! ^ ^ t 
 
 Queen. I ditto, [falling into the arms of officers, j 
 
 KijuT. Hence my treasures bear.
 
 To the strong tower upon the forest borders, 
 And keep them safely there, till further orders. 
 [^Officers bear out the Queen and Princess, 2 e. l. h. 
 King. Now to the field, and give the foe no quarter, 
 
 Be bricks, my boys, and never mind Ins mortar ! 
 
 King. 
 
 AIR—" Guillaume Telir 
 
 Follow your leader, boys, to-day, 
 Soon they shall find 'tis no boy's play ; 
 Into the foe we'll soundly pitch. 
 Gentlemen all, behave as sich. 
 I am for deeds, and not for speeches. 
 To the assault come on who dares. 
 They who attempt to mount om- breaches^ 
 Hang me, if I would be in theirs ! 
 
 Follow your leader, boys, to day, &c. 
 [Exeunt King, Officers, Soldiers, 2 e. r. rt 
 
 SCENE II.-A Forest. 
 
 Thunder, Lightning, a crash heard without, Attendants fiy tu 
 terror across the stage, l. 2 e. b. pursued by Wild Beasts, 
 
 Roaring. 
 
 Enter Queen and Peincess, l. h. 2 e. 
 
 Queen, [e.1 Ah ! me ! misfortunes never come alone ! 
 
 Forced from my husband, fighting for his throne. 
 
 Caught in a dreadful storm, we fly for shelter 
 
 Into this fatal forest, helter skelter, 
 
 Scared by the lightning, off the horses bolted, 
 
 Upset our coach, and out we both were jolted ! 
 
 And now deserted, here are left to die, 
 
 Or be some horrid monsters eaten by ! 
 
 Princess [l.] To meet that fiite I should not be so loath, 
 If the same monster would but eat us both. 
 
 Queenn. Affecting proof of my sweet child's afiection. 
 And which removes a part of my objection. 
 
 Pkincess. 
 
 AIR — " Are you angry. Mother'' 
 
 Are they hungry, Mother, oh, oh, oh, oh. 
 Is't the hour they peckish grow ? Oh, oh, oh. 
 When I see their teeth so white — 
 When I think how they can bite —
 
 8 
 
 I into my shoes shall shrink, 
 And the heart within me sink ! 
 Horrid monsters, why can't they, 
 Just on one another prey 
 When they're hungry, as we find, 
 Creatures do of human kind ! 
 
 Princess. But are there really wild beasts in this wood? 
 Queen. So I have generally understood. 
 
 Lions and Tigers, Panthers, Bears and Boars, 
 And all sorts of fierce creatures on all fours — 
 Fiercer than any great Van Amburgh knew. 
 Or Gordon Cunnnin<j ever said he slew. 
 But whether serious such report or jocular, 
 Our demonstration's likely to be ocular. 
 \^Roar. — The Head and fore paivs of a Lioness are seen [t. c] 
 through an opening among the Trees 
 Princess. [r.J Ocular ! oh ! look yonder, Mother see ! 
 
 Two fiery eyes that glare on you and me ! 
 Queen, [r.] A Lioness ! She will come out next spring. 
 
 We'll die together ! [Clasping Princess in her arms.'] 
 
 [Music. — The Lioness disappears, and in its place is seen 
 
 Leona the Enchantress, attired in a wild but splendid 
 
 dress, with the skin of a Lion on her shoulders and armed 
 
 with a Bow and Quiver ofArrows-l 
 
 Leona. [l.] You'll do no such thing 
 
 At present 
 Queen, [r.] Wonder takes away my breath ! 
 
 Leona. You are condemned to something worse than death. 
 I am the Fairy Lioness — my name 
 Leona, nightly through this wood for game, 
 I hunt, and when I catch such birds as you, 
 I bear them thus my brazen caverns to. 
 
 [^Music. Scene changes to 
 
 SCENE in. 
 
 The Brazen Caverns of the Enchantress in the centre 
 
 of the Earth. 
 
 Bank on Ij. a. 2 e. Bock 3 e. 
 
 Leona. [l.] Here for your lives, you shall remain my slaves ! 
 
 Queen [crossing to c] 
 
 Such conduct is more brazen than your caves. 
 
 Leona. [l.] Hah ! you are bold indeed, to break a jest. 
 At such a moment — none, too, of the best, 
 But you'll have time a better here to make : 
 Behold the monsters guarding yonder lake
 
 9 
 
 Of Quicksilver. 
 
 Queen, [c] And guard it well they may, 
 
 Or from such frights 'twould quickly run away ! 
 
 Leona, They were all mortals once, with forms like thine 
 Kings, Queens, and Princes — enemies of mine, 
 Besides a score or two of Dames of fashion 
 Who had for Lion hunting such a passion. 
 To any foreign brute they'd go their knees on. 
 Provided he was newly caught that season, 
 Nay, any Donkey could thei r favour win, 
 Who wore by accident a Lion's skin. 
 Just Fate the Fairy Lioness enables, 
 To trun upon them their own supper tables, 
 And make them grin and tumble, bray and roar, 
 As they made other monsters do before. 
 
 Queen. I never Lionized a creature. 
 
 Leon%. No ! 
 
 Therefore no change of form you'll undergo — 
 But dress my dinner, and your daughter there 
 Shall be my lady's maid, and dress my hair. 
 
 Queen I dress your dinner ! I ne'er learned to cook. 
 
 Leona. But you will soon. I'U lend you Soyer's book. 
 
 Princess, [k.] I dress your hair ! 
 
 Leona. I wear it very plain, 
 
 And when a Lioness, I have no mane. 
 
 Queen. But ! 
 
 Leona But ! no buts ! or I'll make butts of you, 
 
 And with these arrows pierce you through and through. 
 And yet not kiU ! So you, Cook, to your kitchen. 
 And you, {to Princess) come make a witch look more 
 bewitching ! 
 
 Leona, Queen and Princess. 
 
 TRIO—" We met." 
 
 Leona. 
 
 We met, 'twas in a wood, 
 
 And you strove both to shun me. 
 
 Queen. 
 
 I felt I couldn't move, 
 For your eye was upon me ! 
 
 Peincess. 
 
 You spoke, my blood ran cold. 
 
 As your deep-toned voice uttered —
 
 10 
 
 Leona. 
 
 Come, come, you don't perceive. 
 
 On which side your bread's buttered. 
 
 If well you dress my hair, {to Princess) 
 
 I may not often beat you. 
 
 Improve my bill of fare {to Queen) 
 
 And perhaps, I mayn't eat you. 
 
 To work yourselves betake, 
 
 And without any pother, 
 
 Or your bones I will break Cto Princess) 
 
 And pick those of your mother. 
 
 Queen and Phi n cess. 
 
 All hope we must forsake. 
 And our feelings must smother, 
 
 Or 3 y '^^ ( bones she will break, 
 ( my i ' 
 
 And pick those of ] ^*^^^ | mother ! 
 
 \_Exeunt Leona, and Pkincess h. h 
 Queen, [l.J From bad to worse ! when will my misery end, 
 Since fate forbids e'en death to be my friend ? 
 Cook to a Lioness ! what degradation ! 
 Without the power to change my situation. 
 No wages either ! nothing but the run 
 Of that black kitchen, wherein hope is done 
 To rags, and leaps with desperation dire 
 Out of the frying pan into the fire ! 
 
 Queen. 
 AIE, — " My lodging is 07i the cold ground." 
 
 My lodging is all under ground. 
 
 Where I can't get a peep at the sky. 
 
 And there's no one to help I'll be bound, 
 " Help " ever so loud should I cry. 
 
 In a mess on a railway as vainly might shout, 
 
 Some poor pent up desolate elf, 
 
 For whatever the danger he couldn't get out, 
 
 Or alarm any one — but himself. 
 
 The Croak of a Raven is heard, r. h. 
 
 Sure 'twas a Raven's boding croak I heard, 
 
 \_Raven appears on Rock b, h. 
 Yes, yonder perches the iU-omened bird !
 
 11 
 
 What has he in his talons ? a poor Frog, 
 Which he has evidently prigged for proc! 
 I'll strive to save it from the ravenous raven ! 
 
 \_Takes up a stone and flings at bird. 
 Drop that ! you great black ugly croaking craven ! 
 \_Music. — The Raven drops the Frog and flies off i.. h. 
 
 He has ! but it came down with such a flop, 
 
 I fear, poor frog, you've taken your last hop. 
 Frog, [e.] No, I'm all right ! a thousand thanks to you. 
 Qneen. It speaks ! 
 
 Frog, Of course when I am spoken to. 
 
 Queen Did you come out of ^sop's Fables ? 
 Frog. No ! 
 
 Queen. Are you the Frog, that would a wooing go ? 
 Frog. Nay, Vm a lady Frog, and must'nt woo, 
 
 Save in leap year. 
 Qi^e^' They're all leap years with you. 
 
 Excuse me, heaven knows I've no heart for joking. 
 Frog. Well, though a Frog, I'm not much given to croaking, 
 
 And would assist you, as I feel your debtor, 
 
 I'm a half fairy, my name's Grenouiletta. 
 Queen. Half Fairy ! well, when hope's so nearly dead, 
 
 Even half a Fairy's better than no bread. 
 Frog. My power has limits. 
 Queen. Like Don Ferdinando, 
 
 Perhaps you can do no more than you can do ? 
 Frog. Exactly, but in what I can, you may 
 
 Command me, for your generous act to-day. 
 Queen. Oh! then restore to my dear husband's arms 
 
 Me and my child ! 
 Frog. I fear Leona's charms 
 
 Are yet too potent, but, I'll go and find 
 
 The magic wreath, which I have left behind 
 
 In an unlucky moment, or that Raven 
 
 Could not have borne me from my peacefiU haven. 
 
 \_Exeunt Feog r. h. 
 
 Enter Pbincess r. h. 
 
 Princess, [r.] Oh ! mother ! we are in a pretty pickle ! 
 Our dreadful mistress would her palate tickle 
 With some new dish, and fancies — ope' your eyes ! 
 Nought but a vol au vent of butterllies ! 
 I am to catch 'em. Where, 'tis hard to say. 
 For not a butterfly e'er flew this way. 
 And you're to cook them, which will be still hai'dcr 
 To do, if there be not one in the lurder.
 
 12 
 
 Queen, [l.] And if not done ? 
 
 Princess. She threatens torments fearful ! 
 
 Our cup of woe, she hint?, is not yet near full. 
 Queen. I've not a word left to throw at a dog, 
 
 My only hope is in my friend the Frog ! 
 Princess. Your friend the Frog ! wonders will never end, 
 
 AVhere did you pick up such a funny friend ? 
 
 [Grenouilletta re-appears in a female form, but preserving 
 the colour of the frog in her dress, she has a wreath of 
 Roses on her head, comes doiun r. h. 
 
 Gre. [r.] It was for luck, you gave that bird a topper. 
 Queen, [l.] Grenouilletta ! 
 
 Ore. I've my crown on now. 
 
 Queen. And much more like a Faii-y look, I vow ! 
 Gre. Behold, I bring you what will glad your eyes, 
 A swarm of beautiful fat butterflies. 
 
 \_Butterfiies appear, 3 e. b. h. 
 
 Attracted by my wi-eath of magic roses, 
 Have hither followed their unhappy noses ; 
 Fling over them your veil, 
 
 [To Princess, who crosses to b. h. and flings the veil over 
 them, then places butterflies on Rocky bank c. 
 
 Now with a song. 
 We'll see if we can make a Vol au vent. 
 
 CONCERTED PIECE {to its own Air.) 
 
 Patty cake, patty cake, baker's man. 
 Make me a patty as fast as you can. 
 Make it, and bake it, and serve it up clean, 
 And there'U be a vol au vent fit for a Queen. 
 
 [During the Song, the Princess ivithdraws the veil, and the 
 Vol au vent appears on a handsome dish. 
 
 Gre. [c ] Promises are like pie crust, made to break, 
 But I to keep my promise, pie crust make. 
 
 Princess, [b] 
 
 A patty made in pity of our plight ! 
 Queen. [l.] My heart stUl pit-a-patty goes with fright! 
 Leona. [within b. h. 1 e.] 
 
 What ho ! my slaves ! 
 Gre. Leona comes this way ! 
 
 At hop and hide 'twere prudent I should play. 
 
 [E.iit B. fl.
 
 13 
 
 Enter Leoxa, r. h. cross to c. 
 
 Leona. [c] Well ! is my dinner ready ? 
 
 Queen, [l.] As you -wish— 
 
 I was just going to bring up the dish. 
 
 [Takes it off Bank. 
 Leona. [taking it.] 
 
 As I'm a Fairy Lioness of taste, 
 
 Delicious butterflies ! and line pnfF paste! 
 
 And you professed you nought of cooking knew ! 
 
 Why, I declare you're quite a Cordon bleu ! 
 
 While dainties such as these you can produce, 
 
 To eat you I should be indeed a goose. 
 
 Its savour makes me hungry, I declai'e ! 
 
 I'll in, and take the Lioness's share. 
 
 Leona. 
 AIR — " O what pleasure." — Midas. 
 
 O what pleasiire will be mine, 
 
 On this dainty dish to dine ! 
 
 There's no richer pie, 
 
 Than a Butterfly, 
 
 Made of Emperors fat and fine. 
 
 [Exit with dish, b. h. 1 k. 
 
 Queen. Saved for the present — but she soon will learn, 
 I'm scarcely cook enough a spit to turn. 
 
 Princes*. We can't expect a frog, so kind and clever, 
 To stay and do the cooking here for ever. 
 
 Enter Grenouilietta, r. h. 
 
 Gre. [e.] No— but I'll tell you what the Frog will do. 
 
 Hop ofi'the brave King Fulminoso to, 
 
 Whom by this time his foes have ceased besieging, 
 Queen, [l.] Would you be so excessively obZeeging ? 
 Gre. I will, and all your story to him tell, 
 
 Tis he alone, 1 find can break the speU ; 
 
 If he love you enough the deed to dare. 
 Queen. If he do 7io/, then I don't wish him — there ! 
 Gre. Scratch him a line upon this leaf, to shew 
 
 [Cross to c. gives lea/. 
 
 I've your authority — your hand he'll know. 
 Queen, [writes.] 
 
 'Tis done ! oh ! most beneficent of Frogt, 
 
 I fear upon you we're a pair of clogs.
 
 14 
 
 Gre. Not in the least, [cross to i.'} Such work to me is play. 
 'Twill be a game of leap frog all the way. 
 
 [Grenouilletta sinks down l. h. trap. 
 Princess, [r ] If she should change her mind upon the road ! 
 Qveen. She would'nt be such an ungrateful toad I 
 
 Princess and Queen, 
 DUO—" A Frog he muld." 
 
 Princess. 
 
 This Frog she would the journey go, 
 
 Heigho, says Rowley, 
 Whether my mother would let her or no, 
 
 With her rowley, poley, 
 
 Gammon and spinach, 
 
 Heigho, says Anthony Rowley. 
 
 Queen. 
 
 Off she set with her o^jera wreath, 
 Heigho, says Rowley, 
 
 Which she look'd remarkably well beneath. 
 With her rowley, poley, &c. 
 
 Princess. 
 
 If she finds my pa at home, 
 
 Heigho, says Rowley, 
 Through fire and water to us he'll come, 
 
 With his rowley, poley, &c. 
 
 Queen. 
 
 But oh, if inclined on a sov'reign to sup, 
 
 Heigho, says Rowley, 
 The Lioness sees him and gobbles him up ! 
 With his rowley, poley, &c. 
 
 Princess, 
 
 Then there'll be an end soon to you Ma aud Me, 
 
 Heigho, says Rowley, 
 And I wouldn't give much for the little Frogee, 
 
 With her rowley, poley, &c. 
 
 [Exeunt b h. 1 e.
 
 15 
 
 SCENE IV. 
 Chamber in Fulminoso's Palace. 
 
 March — Enter Fulmixoso, Espado, Allebabdo, Abqob- 
 BUSADo, and Guakds, l. h. 
 
 King. 
 
 AIR — " When great lords and ladies." 
 
 Lo ! King Fulminoso, 
 
 To strains pomposo, 
 
 Crowned with laurels hither comes ! 
 
 'Midst triumphal marches, 
 
 Triumphal arches, 
 
 Bells and bonfires, guns and drums ! 
 
 Yet Fulminoso, 
 
 Feels rather so so 
 
 In spirits far from high, 
 
 Like that sad person. 
 
 Major Macpherson, 
 
 He sighs, but can't tell why ! 
 
 But what though flat 
 
 I chance to be 
 
 Care killed a cat, 
 
 But shan't kill me, 
 
 King Fulminoso 
 
 's beat all his foes so, 
 
 Care at Jericho he means to see. 
 
 King, [c] Now is the winter of our discontent, 
 
 Made glorious summer by this great event ; 
 
 And all the clouds that lowered on our house, 
 
 Gone to the bottom of the ocean — souse ! 
 
 But what though victory our arms have crowned, 
 
 What though we've given our foes a drubbing sound. 
 
 What though in triumph we have thus marched home, 
 
 What though the good time comuig now seems come, 
 
 Still there 'u something wanting to our joy. 
 
 Still in our happiness is some alloy. 
 
 What is it that so weighs upon our soul ? 
 
 Puts out our pipe, and bitter makes our bowl ? 
 
 Can any one remember any thing 
 
 We have forgotten ? 
 
 E»p. [l.] Most victorious king
 
 16 
 
 I nothing know of consequence — unless 
 The absence of the Queen and the Princess. 
 
 King, {starling.'] 
 
 Can it be ? yes ! no ! ah ! it must ! how rum ! 
 
 My wife ! my daughter ! why of course ! " them's-um !" 
 
 They are the lumps of sugar that I miss, 
 
 When to my lips I'd raise the cup of bliss ! 
 
 They are the stars I lack at close of day, 
 
 When I would blow a cloud of cares away ! 
 
 Why haste they not to hail our glad return? 
 
 Esp. Alas I great sir, sad news have you to learn. 
 
 King. Sad news ? speak quickly ! you my heai't appal ! 
 
 Esp. We hav'nt got no news of 'em at all ! 
 
 King. No news is good news — how can that be sad, 
 Which, if not good, at least, cannot be bad. 
 On with thy tale. 
 
 Esp. Alas ! my tale is ended 
 
 They went over the bridge. 
 
 King. And the bridge bended ? 
 
 Esp. No, on their journey they were safely started 
 But ne'er arrived. 
 
 King. Lost ! stolen ! strayed ! 
 
 Esp. Departed, 
 
 If not deceased, with all the folks that followed them, 
 Either the wild beasts or the earth has swallowed them . 
 
 King. Oh ! 
 
 Atlebardo. [r.] The king swoons ! 
 
 Esp. The colour flies his cheek ! 
 
 Allebardo. Take comfort, sir ! 
 
 King. Of comfort no man speak ! 
 
 Let's talk of undertakers and their bills — 
 Prohibit further sale of Parrs life pills. 
 Let' s sit upon the ground, and tell strange stor e« 
 Of ghosts and bogies, and phantasmagories — 
 Of kings and queens, who've been by wicked fairies 
 Once on a time, played all sorts of vagaries — 
 Of sad princesses, left without a rag on, 
 To be devoured by a frightful dragon — 
 Of others, off by fiery griffins carried 
 Against their wills, to dwarfs or giants married 
 All wretched. 
 
 Esp. Nay, Sir, some found food for laughter, 
 And almost all lived happy ever after. 
 
 King. I'll hang the slave who dare my face before 
 Talk about being happy any more ! 
 None in my kingdom— east, west, north or south, 
 Shall laugh, save on the wrong side of his mouth.
 
 17 
 
 As for myself, floored by this blow so cruel, 
 ril starve ujion the thinnest water gruel. 
 Moistening with sorrow's heavy wet my clay, 
 'Till down my dust with my own tears I lay. 
 
 Enter Antikumo, 2 e. l. h. 
 
 And. Hal ha! ha! ha! 
 
 Jibing- That traitor seize for one. 
 
 And hang him instantly ! \_Espado seizes him.'} 
 
 ^nti. For what ? 
 
 J^if>g- _ _ ^ For fun! 
 
 TVTiich is a grave offence against our laws ! 
 
 Anti. You won't pass sentence, 'till you've heard the cause. 
 It would have made a cat laugh, or a dog, 
 I'm bid to crave an audience for a frog ! 
 
 ^ing. A frog ! 
 
 Anti. That talks likes any rhetorician. 
 
 And comes in state uj^on a special mission. 
 
 ^ing. From whom ? 
 
 Anti. Her majesty the Queen. 
 
 King. She lives ! 
 
 Anti. She does. 
 
 Aj«^. New life to me that sentence gives, 
 
 And I revoke the one I passed on you. 
 
 [Espado releases him.\ 
 Admit the Envoy with all honour due, 
 Gladly we'll hjar the news this frog's to tell come, 
 And all the world may laugh again, and welcome ! 
 
 King. 
 AIR—" Whipsy diddlesey:' 
 We'll in state receive the Frofr, 
 
 I 
 
 Whipsy, diddlesy, dandelin'. 
 To hear it speak I'm all agog, 
 
 With a harum scarum diddlecumdanim, 
 Whipsy, didtUesy, dandelin. 
 
 Bandy legs and yellow hose, 
 
 Whipsy, diddlesy, dandelin ! 
 A flounder's mouth and never a nose, 
 
 With a harum scarum, &c. 
 
 Such a figure of fun can ne'er be meant, 
 
 Whipsy, diddlesy, dandelin I 
 Any Monarch on earth to represent. 
 
 With a harum scarum, Src.
 
 18 
 
 And yet though at first it makes one stare. 
 
 Whipsy, diddlesy, dandelin ! 
 To see a frog Charge d' affaires. 
 
 With a harum scarum, &c. 
 
 The charge may be less on the public purse, 
 
 Whipsy, diddlesy, dandelin ! 
 And affairs be devil a bit the worse, 
 
 With a harum scarum diddlecumdarum, 
 Whipsy, diddlesy, dandelin ! 
 
 Exeunt King, Officer, Guards, dancing 1 e. l. h. 
 
 SCENE V. 
 
 Hall of Diana in the King's Palace. 
 Statues of Diana and her Nymphs on Pedestals. 
 
 March. — The Frog isbrought on, on Palanquin, 3. b. l. h., borne 
 
 hy four frogs, and attended by other Frogs richly attired and 
 
 bearing golden bulrushes. 
 
 Enter KijSG, attended, 1 e. l. h. 
 
 King, [l.] You bring us tidings of our consort dear. 
 
 Speak, gentle frog — for you can speak I hear. 
 
 Gre. [b. under Palanquin.'] 
 
 First, mighty king, we pay our reverentials, 
 And secondly, deliver our credentials. 
 Page {Frog) hops to King, and delivers the leaf on which 
 the Queen has written. 
 
 King. My Dulcibella's hand ! there's no mistaking, 
 
 The precious pothooks of my darling's making. 
 reads.] " Dear Husband, this comes hopping" hopping ! well, 
 Of course it did— "that you will break the spell, 
 " Excuse the spelling, and all faults you've found, 
 " As I'm in haste, and scratching under ground " 
 How ! underground ! explain this wondrous riddle ! 
 Is not my Queen on earth ? 
 
 Gre. No, in the middle. 
 
 King. The middle of the earth ! who dare consign her 
 To such a pit ! my queen is not a minor, 
 Whate'er my daughter is — ah ! say, my other 
 Darling — is she as deep as her dear mother ? 
 
 Gre. Yes, they are both down in the world at present, 
 A situation very far from pleasant. 
 The centre of the globe 
 
 King. In Leicester square ? 
 
 Gre. No, the great globe itself. 
 
 King. Frog ! have a care !
 
 19 
 
 Great as my wonder is at your garrulity, 
 If you o'erstep the bounds of my credulity, 
 Out of my kitchen my French cjoks I'U call, 
 And have a fricasee made of you all ! 
 
 [Mrisic. — The Frog disappears Grenouelliiia rises from 
 Palanquin. 
 
 Gre. Indeed ! how say you now ? we fairy Elves 
 
 Much better than French cooks can dress ourselves ! 
 Is this dish to yom* taste, or would you wish 
 That I, in turn, you and your court should dish ? 
 
 King. By no means, fair and most illustrious faiiy. 
 In every sense — plenipotentiary 
 Your excellency none would dare to doubt. 
 But tell me, how am I to set about 
 Bringing my wife and daughter up to town ? 
 
 Gre. To fetch 'em have you courage to go down ? 
 If so, assist you in the work I can. 
 
 King. I dare do all that may become a man — 
 
 A married man — a husband — and a father! 
 Who dares do more is none ! 
 
 ^^' _ That's plucky, rather, 
 
 So take this ring 
 King. A plain one of pure gold ! 
 
 With such a ring, a man may make too bold 
 
 Who has a wife already. 
 ^^^- Fear you not, 
 
 That will but lead you to the wife you've got. 
 
 Of wedded love the type — in a true hand. 
 
 No sorcery its magic can withstand. 
 
 The Queen and Princess touch with that fond token, 
 
 And the vile spell will instantly be broken. 
 King. On this adventure I'm in haste to go — 
 
 Which iii the road ? [Trap opens. 1 
 ^*- Your faithlul ring will shew. 
 
 \_Stage opens. 
 King. Ha ! the earth opens at my feet ! 
 Gre. No doubt, 
 
 That's the way in. 
 King. Humph ! which is the way out ? 
 
 Gre. Do you retract, upon consideration ? 
 King. Not I — I merely asked for information. 
 Gre. Dovra to the centre of this earthly ball 
 
 There are ten thousand steps. 
 King. I'll take them all !
 
 20 
 
 Gre. A lioness will spring upon you. 
 
 King, Let her ! 
 
 Gre. She may change to a woman. 
 
 King. All the better 1 
 
 Gre. In either shape, a fury you will find her. 
 
 King. I'll make her fancy old nick is behmd her. 
 
 Gre. Go on and prosper then ! the spell destroy, 
 
 And e'en these statues here shall dance for joy. 
 King. I'm sorry that to see them I can't stay, 
 
 But don't let that prevent you — dance away ! 
 
 \Music. — King descends. Stage closes over him. Gre 
 nouiletta touches the Statues on either side of the stage 
 they become animated. 
 
 B A £, li £ T. 
 
 END OF FIRST ACT.
 
 21 
 
 ACT n.— SCEKE I. 
 
 Tlie Foot of the Giant's Staircase of Ten Thousand Steps 
 Leading to the Centre of the Earth. 
 
 Enter Leoxa. 
 
 Leona. Accursed fate ! I feel 'tis near the hour 
 
 Which tolls the knell of all my magic power. 
 
 Close on me follows the imdauntedking, 
 
 Guided and guarded by his golden ring. 
 
 Against this most invulnerable male, 
 
 My magic arrows are of no avail. 
 
 I made a sad mistake, in bringino- down 
 
 To this estate, the partner of his crown. 
 
 But who could have conceived a cara-sposo, 
 
 Was to be found on earth like Fulminoso ? 
 
 Since Orpheus for his wife went to the deuce, 
 
 The custom's fallen quite into dis-use ; 
 
 And if to take such journeys men are prone, 
 
 It is for other wives — and not their own. 
 
 He comes ! and makes me tremble, I confess, 
 
 Both as a lady — and a Lioness. [Retires l. h. Cavertt. 
 
 Ketg FuLMijfoso enters, b. h. Cavern^ 
 
 King. This way the noise was ! Monster, shew thy mug ! 
 If thou escapest me by some hunibun- 
 ^ly wife and daughter's ghosts will haunt me still. 
 Where is this Lioness, that I must kUl ? 
 She that's the beast and beauty rolled in one, 
 For such a one am I to fight or none ! 
 
 Enter Leona, l. h. 
 
 Leona. [l.] Behold her ! but I will not fight with thee ! 
 
 King, [b.] Tlien yield ! and to that great Menagerie, 
 
 Which fashion flocks to in the Kegent's Bark, 
 
 I'll send thee 'mougst the monsters there of mark;
 
 22 
 
 Soon to put out of joint with Belles and Beaux, 
 The Hippopotamus's ugly nose. 
 I'll have it advertised in all the Press, 
 " Here may you see the Fairy Lioness !" 
 Leona. I will not yield to be a Sunday show 
 With any Hippopotamus I know. 
 Though you have come to my haU door, vile king, 
 Not only with a knock, but with a ring ; 
 Still will I try the last — lay on, you mufF, 
 And hang me if I don't yet work your bufE. 
 
 [They fight. 
 King and Leona. 
 
 DUO- " German Polka." 
 
 Leona. 
 Strike a female unprotected, 
 Who such usage had expected ? 
 See a warrior's sword directed, 
 'Gainst a woman in distress. 
 
 King. 
 
 To my gallantry appealing, 
 
 Let me as a man of feeling. 
 
 Beg you'll take the blows I'm dealing. 
 
 Only as a Lioness. 
 
 Leona. 
 
 Ugh you wretch, I'll scratch your eyes out ! 
 
 King. 
 There indeed the woman flies out. 
 Come ! peccavi who first cries out. 
 Shall be — what I won't express. 
 Fight or fly, one thing or 'tother, 
 I've no time for all this pother. 
 
 Leona. 
 
 You're a monster ! 
 
 King. 
 
 You're another ! 
 So have at you, sorceress. 
 Leona. Come to the scratch, ye monsters of the lake, 
 Of this fool hardy mortal mince meat make. 
 [Mtjisic — Leona rushes off l. h. various monsters issue 
 from the Cave'rn and attack the King, he beats them 
 off, B. H.
 
 23 
 
 Re'enter Leona. 
 
 T^ona. His ardent spirit is all proof above ! 
 
 What if assailed on the weak side of love ? 
 I'll raise up with her never dying snakes, 
 The green-eyed monster jealousy — which makes 
 The meat she feeds on ! She shall act her part, 
 And try to stab this husband to the heart. 
 If in that point invulnerable found, 
 I've no hope left above, or underground. 
 
 Re-enter King, 2 e. k. h. 
 
 Besotted mortal ! why these perils dare 
 For one, who long hath ceased for thee to care ? 
 By other homage for thy loss consoled, 
 A favoured lover in her arms behold ! 
 {The Rocks open, and discover a Crystal Tower, in which 
 the Queen is seen embracing a young Prince. 
 
 King, [b.] My Dulcibella false ! I'll not believe 
 
 My eyes, which you may by your skill deceive. 
 
 My heart assures me she is no such thing — 
 
 And I shall know the false coin by the ring — [Chord. 
 
 [Stretches out his hmid with the ring towards the Castle, and 
 the Prince immediately changes to the Princess.] 
 
 My daughter !— a fair rival ! [Rocks close.] 
 
 Leona. Fiends ! confusion ! 
 
 King. True love can not be duped by such delusion. 
 
 Release them sorceress — thy arts are vain, 
 Leona. No ! still some fragments of my power remain. 
 
 [Music — The Scene draws off and discovers 
 
 SCENE m. 
 
 The Quicksilver Lake. 
 
 Leona. Pent in that Crystal Castle, they shall float 
 On yon Quicksilver lake, as in a boat 
 Thy ring must touch it, 'ere the Crystal break 
 
 [Music. 
 Shift, silver, shift — thus I my last shift make. 
 
 [Exeunt, l. u. 
 [Music. — The King goes to Rock b. h. and endeavours to 
 touch Castle, it glides to the l. h. King crosses to l. h. and 
 tries to touch it there— it then glides to ihes.. h.
 
 ti 
 
 24 
 
 King, Queen and Princess. 
 TRIO— "OPescator." 
 
 King. 
 
 Of this false lake to get tlie middle in 
 The way to know I'd give a lot o'tin, 
 
 My brains in vain I spin, 
 Though a most mercurial Hero, 
 Till the Quicksilver's at Zero, 
 I cannot go in to win. 
 
 e^ 
 
 Queen and Pkincess. 
 
 We're sick of sailing this glass vessel in, 
 It keeps so disagreeably wabble-ing — 
 
 Our heads around quite spin, 
 
 Can't you find some way, O dear, O, 
 
 We feel really very queer O. 
 Bottled up like beer or gin ! 
 
 Queen. Dearest of husbands ! tell me howd'ye-do ? 
 
 King, [l.] Not much the better, love, for seeing you 
 In that glass case. 
 
 Princess. Or rather, this glass slipper. 
 
 King. A cunninsf craft, which acts as its own skipper. 
 
 Queen: If, as tbe proverb says, all things give place 
 When but a single lady's in the case 
 Surely politeness should as far be (sarried. 
 When there are two — one single and one married. 
 And yet through all the pains I've had to pass, 
 I've found none harder than this pane of glass. 
 
 King. It is indeed a painful Exhibition 
 
 To which there is no getting an admission 
 At any price. 
 
 Enter Dragon, l. h, 2 e. 
 
 Dra. [l.] Come, how much would you stand, 
 
 If I should give you now a helping hand ^ 
 
 Kin<T. [b ] A helping hand — why — looking at its claws 
 Before I take it, I must beg to pause. 
 
 Dra. Well, I'll propose the terms then, if you like, 
 And you may or may not the bargain strike, 
 I'll bear you to that Castle on my back. 
 And you' shall get your friends out in a crack. 
 If when the spell is broken, you'll give me 
 That ring, which then to you will useless be.
 
 2S 
 
 £)ra. Upon your honor ? 
 
 Kiiig. Shining bright. 
 
 Dra, Up with you, and sit fast ! 
 
 King. Go on, all right. 
 
 {Exeunt King and Dragon, L. H. 2 e 
 
 [i?e-e>j/?r DKAGoy tcith Ki>g o« A/s Z»<7cA', 3 e. l. h. TAe 
 
 KiKG touches the Castle with tfie Ring; the Castle,, Lake 
 
 and Mourttains vanish, and the Ki>'g, Qceen, Pslxckss 
 
 and Dbagok are left in 
 
 SCENE IV. 
 The Gardens of the Palace. 
 
 King, [c] My wile, my life, my love, my everything! 
 
 Dra. [n. c] Sorry to trouble you, but — 
 
 King. Oh ! the ring, 
 
 'Tis yours immediately — a thousand pardons. 
 Queen, [i-. Looking about her.\ 
 
 Why I declare, they're our o^\^l Palace Gardens^ 
 Dra. Yes ! you're at home, and I feel quite so, too. 
 King. We're so obliged to you, I hope you do. 
 Queen, Would you take anything to eat or drink ? 
 Dra. Well, as you're so polite — I will, I think, 
 
 But I am rather dainty in my feetling. 
 Queen. As should become a dragon of good breeding. ^ 
 
 King. AVhate'er I can command — flesh, fowl, or fish, 
 
 I pledge my word to gratify your wish ; 
 
 So am for what you like, 
 Princess, [r.] Oh ! yes pray do, 
 
 Dra. Then Princess, shortly I will call for you. 
 
 {Music — Puts Ring onherfnger., and exits 2 E. L. fi. 
 Princess. For me ! what ean the hideous monster mean ? 
 King. I've not the slightest notion, have you Queen ? 
 Queen. I have a horrid notion that the creetur. 
 
 Means he will either marry her or eat her. 
 King and } 
 Princess. I ^^^'^"T '■ 
 
 Queen That ring he has on her finger strck, 
 Princess. Ajid I can't get it off again — worse luck. 
 King. He would'nt «urely to her hand pretend ! 
 
 I've no ol>jection to him as a friend ; 
 
 But as a son in-law, the thing's absurd, 5 
 
 Not to say inonsti'ous. 
 Queen. Monstrous is the word ! 
 
 If he should call, wc must all be denied, 
 Princess. I'd rather be his bride cake, than his bride.
 
 Queen. He cannot have his cake, and eat it too, 
 King. I can't imagine he would either do ; 
 
 If he propotse, he'll meet with a rebuff, 
 
 And as to eating, that's of course all stuff. 
 Queen. What ! when to grant his wish your pledge is fresh^ 
 
 Whether it be for fish, or fowl, or flesh ! 
 King. He'd never snap at hasty words like those, 
 Queen. He'd snap at anything on earth he chose. 
 King. Let's drop the subject for these subjects loyal, 
 
 Who haste to greet their Queen, and Princess Royal. 
 
 Enter Lobds, L.vdies, Officebs, &c., and Aistibumo, l. h. 
 
 Aiiti. Your majesties have in most happy time, 
 Returned, for hither from a distant clime ; 
 Comes an Ambassador. 
 Ring. The Frog again ? 
 
 Anti. Oh ! no sire, one of quite a different strain, 
 With a proposal from Prince Nonpareil, 
 For the Princess Carissima. 
 King. A Merveille 1 
 
 Into our presence straight the Envoy show, 
 
 \_Exil Antirumo, L. h> 
 Proposal could not come more apropos ; 
 What luck ! my dear, you know Prince Nonpareil. 
 Queen. By name, of course my love, exceeding well, 
 Of great King Pippin he's the eldest son ; 
 And of all persons, just the v6ry one 
 A parent for his daughter would pick out, 
 From all the heir apparents round about. 
 King. \to Princess.] 
 
 I hope he'll to our daughter's liking prove. 
 Princess, [r.] 
 
 I'll look to like, if looking liking move, 
 But no more deep will I endart mine eye, 
 Than your consent gives strength to make it fly. 
 King, [c] That girl talks like a book ! 
 Queen, [i, ] Beyond all praise, 
 
 One seldom hears such language, now a days. 
 King. Behold the Envoy ! 
 
 Enter Prince Nonpareil attended., introduced hy Autikumo, 
 
 L. H. 3 E. 
 
 Princess. Heavens ! what do I see ? 
 
 Prince Nonpareil himself, 
 
 What he ? 
 
 Bless me ?
 
 27 
 
 King 
 
 Prince [l.] Discovered, then away with all disguise ; 
 Princess, a captive to those wond'rous eyes, 
 
 [Crosses to b. 
 "^Miich have my heart and mystery pierced through, 
 I kneel, my own ambassador to you. 
 [l C.J A stranger thus at the first sight to guess, 
 The gift of second- siglit she must possess. 
 Queen, A clairvoyance, which makes uncommon shady, 
 Madame Robin and the Mysterious Lady. 
 
 Queen and Princess, 
 DUO—" Hamlet." 
 
 QOEEN. 
 
 O, how could you his Highness know. 
 From any other one ? 
 
 Pbixcess. 
 By his portrait, to him though 
 They've scarcely justice done ! 
 
 " To morrow is Si. Valentine's Day.''^ 
 I saw it last St. Valentine's Day, 
 
 In the Fairy Pictorial Times, 
 And I thought of all men I shoiild like him best, 
 
 To be my Valentine. 
 
 Queen. 
 King. 
 
 Prince^ 
 Queen. 
 Prince. 
 
 Then all your duty and your complaisance, 
 Was but a copy of i/mcr countenance. 
 And that fine speech about your eye endarting, 
 Only your eye and IMiss Elizabeth Martin. 
 Nay, chide her not, if you approve her choice. 
 Oh ! in your favor, sir, you've every voice. 
 Then as a pledge of union, deign, sweet fair, . 
 On this white hand a union pearl to wear, 
 Richer than that which ten successive kings. 
 In — ha I what have we here ! Talking of rings, 
 What ring is this — so like a wedding one — 
 Upon your wedding finger ? 
 
 Princess [A.m/e.] I'm undone. 
 
 King [./I.wle] Confound the Dragon. 
 
 Queen. Inside.] How can this be parried? 
 
 Prince. I'm on the rack, are you already married ? 
 
 No ! in the garden some one nmst have dropped it, 
 My daughter found, and on her finger popp d it. 
 Just slipped it on ; 
 
 Then slip it off again. 
 
 Queen. 
 
 King. 
 Prince. 
 
 Princess. I would with pleasure, but I've tried in vain.
 
 ^r 
 
 S9 
 
 My finger s swollen round it,, but I hope 
 Before the day's out — 
 
 Qtfen. Try a Httle soap ! 
 
 £iag. If that won't do, why we must get a file, 
 
 And file it off But come,, in the meanwhile 
 Let us be merry. Ho there L music ! wine ! 
 
 [Exit AsTiBUMO, B.ia. 
 This very day the contract we wiM sign f 
 [The QuEEx, Princess and rRiscE sit no. Four At- 
 tendunts with wine and refreshment, R n. 
 
 King. As in a Ballet I have seen a swain 
 
 Express in pirouettes his amorous pain^ 
 Why should not I the joy my bosom fills 
 Give vent to in a new set of Quadrilles. 
 I mean in song— not ehuice — for dancing suits. 
 Neither my inclination — nor my boots. 
 
 King, 
 
 ' SONG— "Par?s QiiadrilJes:' 
 
 Pantalon ! Yes, a whofe set of q-uadi-illes I will sing^ 
 Since not a dab at dancin? ; 
 There'll be at hast something new in the things 
 Hare enough to day ! — 
 Chaine Anglaises ! Ghaine des Dames-! 
 Figures quite entrancing, 
 But why they call this Pantalon, 
 'Twould be hard to say. 
 But plague o'such interrogations, 
 What care we for derivations ? 
 Folks to pleasui'c speedings 
 Don't waste their time in reading,. 
 " Notes and queries" on the way. 
 
 l<'Ete ! Merrily the belles will be soon set ringir^,. 
 Plome his bride tlie bridegroom bringing ; 
 Maidens in their path SAveet roses fiingiug, 
 Summer flowci-s befit "L'Ete." 
 First advancing, then retreating, 
 Then the self-same steps repeating, 
 Hand in hand the dance completing. 
 Most symbolic I must say. 
 
 '•'En avantdeux," headlong go the loving Miss and Mastecj. 
 " Chasse-ing " and " Traverse- ing " risking a disaster 
 " Balance ing" till a " tour desmains " ties them up fastCE' 
 Sometimes, than either suits the lady or the cavalier.
 
 29 ^ ^ 
 
 f,,'i 
 
 La Poule ! Grood gracious, stop, 
 I had quite forgot the Dragon ; 
 In he may drop — 
 And to every one's alarm, 
 Join in the hop, 
 
 "VN'hilst a leg we're left to wag on. 
 And off then pop, 
 With the bi ide under his arm ! 
 His figure here I dread to view, 
 His tail is not a " deni queue," 
 He'll bolt the chick, and then as cool- 
 Ly gobble up — La Poule ! 
 
 Trenise ! Hence with loathed melancholy, 
 Let us all be jolly, 
 Strike up "Nix my Dolly! " 
 Thus to yield to fear is folly, 
 So Hey ! For Pastorale or Trenise ! 
 Either will lead to the Finale. 
 So choose which e'er you please ; 
 Do pretty in " La Pastorale," 
 Or try the tender in " Trenise," 
 With fal la la la de ral la, 
 
 Hence with loathed melancholy, &C. 
 
 Finale ! In this there's nothing new. 
 
 Quadrilles must end as all things do ; 
 
 And this song finish too, 
 
 No doubt you think 'tis time. 
 
 Indeed I hope in your surprise, 
 
 To find 'tis the Finale. 
 
 You'll be too glad to criticise 
 
 The reason or the rhyme. 
 
 So scrape anew the fiddle string 
 
 For those who dance but cannot sing, 
 
 I've sung my song and said my say 
 
 And thus I march away. 
 
 lAjfter Song, King seats himself b.h. 
 
 DANCE. 
 
 Enter Antirumo, I e. e. h. 
 
 ilnh". My liege ! my liege ! 
 
 King. How now ! what means this panic ? 
 
 Have you beheld his majesty satunic ? 
 Anti. Something that's put zne in a frisht as grcat> 
 
 There is a Giant, sir, outside the gate.
 
 Khig. With all my heart, he may remain outside. ] 
 
 ^ueeru Don't let Lim in ! 
 
 Jjnii, I could'nt if I tried. 
 
 There is no gate which, even on all fours 
 He could creep through. 
 
 Xing. And wherefore at our doors 
 
 At such a time impertinently knocks he ? 
 
 Anil. The Princess he is come to wed by proxj. 
 
 Princess. Wed me ! 
 
 King. By proxy ! 
 
 Queen, {^as id e.] In my shoes I shake ! 
 
 Prince. Proxy for whom ? 
 
 Anii. The Dragon of the Lake. 
 
 Who says, if for his rib he cannot win her, 
 He'll come and pick her bones today for dinner 
 
 Queen. I told you so ! 
 
 Xing. Explain this fearful mystery. 
 
 Queen. Learn of this magic ring the fatal history 
 To this vile Dragon 'twas a promised gift, 
 For having given his majesty a lift, 
 When in great need of one, I'm bound to say, 
 But such a ti'ick with it as this to play 
 Is conduct which I do consider really, 
 As even for a Dragon much too scaly. 
 
 Princess. I'd sooner die, than form such an. alliance ! 
 
 Prince [to Anti.'] 
 
 Fling in his teeth, Prince Nonpareil's defiance. 
 
 King. Not so ! if fighting might the matter settle, 
 Of Fulminoso none can doubt the mettle. 
 But, oh ! I pledged my royal word to grant 
 Offish, fowl, flesh, whatever he might want, 
 And though not fish nor fowl — she is a specimen 
 Of flesh and blood that deeper makes the mess I'm in. 
 
 _ [The Giant appears over the tops of the Trees v. e. e. h. 
 
 All. The Giant ! 
 
 • [All exeunt in terror except the King-, Queen, Prince and 
 Pkincess.] 
 ^iant. Hollo ! there ! it's getting late ! 
 
 Pray, how much longer am I here to wait ? 
 Queen, [i.] You must excuse a little hesitation 
 
 Just put yourself Sir, in our situation. 
 
 How shoidd you like to see your daughter clawed up 
 
 By a fierce Dragon, to be chained or chawed up ? 
 Giant. I never had a daughter, so can't say. 
 King, [ci t ] You have no children, butcher ! go away;
 
 m' 
 
 Giant. Not 'till I get an answer, " ye3 " or "no " f 
 Is that young woman coming for to go ? 
 Or do you mean I'm to go for to come 
 Back with my lord the Dragon Fee Fo Fum ! 
 
 King. How shall wc answer ^ 
 
 Princess, [r c] Sir,, let me reply, 
 
 To save your honor, Fm content to die. 
 I am not bound to be the Dragon's wife. 
 \ Your promise gives him power but o'er my life. 
 Return huge monster, to thy treacherous lord 
 Sav that King Fulminoso keeps his word — 
 That I his daughter, scorn to make excuses 
 And he may come and eat me, when he chooses. 
 
 Giant. Prepare then^ for to-night on you he'll sup. 
 
 [Giant disappears, 
 
 Kiuff. Heroic girl! 
 
 Queen. And she'll be gobbled up ! 
 
 King. Before our eyes ! 
 
 Queen. And we have got no other! 
 
 King. What a sight for a father ! 
 
 Queen. Or a mother ! 
 
 King. Oh ! full of scorpions is my mind, dear wife, 
 
 Prince. Is there no way to save her precious life ? 
 
 Queen, [l.} No friend to help us ! 
 
 Gre. 
 
 Queen. 
 
 King. 
 
 Queen. 
 
 Gre. 
 
 King. 
 Gre. 
 
 JWusic — GEENotJiLLETTA rises, i.H. trap. 
 
 Yes, one friend most true^ 
 Though you've forgotten me, I hav'nt you. 
 Grenouilletta ! oh, I blush for shame. 
 The Frog ! I feel awfully to blame. 
 Deep as we are already in your debt. 
 Prove you forgive, although you don't forget. 
 I come to do so, for in helping you, 
 I helped myself more than I thought to do ; 
 The Fairy Lioness'^s spell destroyed, 
 I gained the power she before enjoyecL 
 No longer a half fairy, be it known, 
 I take full elfin rank in Queen INIab's own, 
 Vice Leona, now dismissed her service. 
 My heart spins round Tike any dancing dervise. 
 First [crosses to b.] from this maiden s hand I pluck 
 
 the ring, 
 By fraud placed there, through yo;ir rash promise, king.
 
 Z2 
 
 Queen. 
 
 Gre 
 
 Prince. 
 
 Gre. 
 
 Kow mark my words, when strikes tlie witching hour, 
 In which we fairies have the greatest power — 
 The Princess to the marshy valley lead, 
 And send the Dragan word to come and feed ; 
 That act performed, your hononr bright secures, 
 K he don't eat her, that's no fault of yours. 
 If ! Can there be an " If ?" Oh, then, if so, 
 There is much virtue in an "If," we know. 
 Prince Nonpareil, you would her champion be ? 
 Against the world ! 
 
 Then through it follow me. 
 
 Fa I BY. 
 
 AIR — " Follow, follow o'er the Mountain. 
 
 Follow, follow, of this planet, 
 
 But the surface here you see ; 
 You will find the world more hollow, 
 
 Than you'd fancy it could be I 
 In my subterranean lodgings, 
 
 All the depth of it you'll sound ; 
 And the Dragon's artful dodgings. 
 
 Deep enough be to confound. 
 
 Follow, &c. 
 [Prince and Grenouilletta exit k.h. King, QueeQ, 
 and Princess exit., i-h. 
 
 SCENE IV. 
 
 The Foot of the Giant's Staircase, &c. 
 
 {Same as First Scene of this Act.) 
 
 Fnter GEENouiLLETXAawc^ Pkince b h. 1 E. 
 
 Prince [e.] Where are we ? 
 
 Crre. [l.] In the centre of the earth, 
 
 Where all its hidden wonders have their birth } 
 
 The Fairy Lioness's ancient seat, 
 
 Now my abode. 
 Prince. No doubt a snug retreat \. 
 
 But rather dull, and if I may say dingy. 
 0re» The former occupant was q.uite as stingy
 
 83 
 
 As she was wicked. I shall have it burnished 
 As bright as day — each chamber newlj furnished, 
 And with conservatories, baths and dairies, 
 Make it a model lodginp; house for fairies. 
 But to our present business. In that cupboard, 
 Which once belonged to Mother Bimch or Hubbard, 
 (I'm not quite certain which, it's so long back,) 
 You'll find the arms with which immortal Jack, 
 Made shorter by so many heads the giants ; 
 The sword of sharpness and the cap of science, 
 The coat of dai-kiress and the shoes of speed. 
 
 Prince. To fight the Dragon, just the thing I need, 
 
 \Crosses to l. h 
 The shoes of swiftness to the spot will take me. 
 The fairy coat invisible will make me ; 
 So that while he can't see to take my measure, 
 I'll poke him up and cut him down at pleasure. 
 
 Gre. [b ] Also a phial, which contains a juice. 
 
 That can a transformation strange produce^ 
 
 Prince [l.] 'Tis here. But who the change must undergo ? 
 
 Gpe. Put on your cap of knowledge, and you'll know. 
 
 Prince [Pu/(in<f on cap'} 
 
 Ha, bless me, why this Dragon, Fee-Fo-Fum. 
 Is — 
 
 Ch-e. Not a word at present. 
 
 Prince. Ma'am I'm mum ! 
 
 For I perceive, why,^ though a potent elf. 
 You could'nt settle this ati'aii' yourself. 
 
 Ore. It was impossible. 
 
 Prince. Of course, because — 
 
 Ore. Hush ! till in death you've locked the Dragon's jaws,. 
 Then to the public you may give the key, 
 Of this impenetrable mystery. 
 
 DUO — Faiex and PiuNeE Nonpaeeil. 
 Faibt. 
 
 In Fairy-like fashion I've armed yoti to be, 
 The Champion of her you would die to set free ; 
 
 Away to her rescue — the foid: Dragon flog, 
 
 With a hop, skip and jump, in tliree leaps of a frog. 
 
 PXIXCE. 
 
 A fairy like you sick of flattery must be, 
 
 And need no fine spieches from mortals like me ; 
 
 Think I've said all I should say, and hence let us jog, 
 For I can't stoop to toady, a Fairy or Frog. 
 
 [Exit Grcuouilletta, b. h. 1 e. Prince Nonpareil, l. u. 1 s.
 
 34 
 SCENE V.-The Marsh. 
 
 Stump of Tree, c. 
 
 JSnier 2 e. l. h. Two Ofticebs, Six Guards, Princess, Six 
 Guards, King, Queen, and Attendants, &c. 
 
 Queen, This is the spot, the middle of the' marsh, 
 
 Here stands the stump, to which, by sentence harsh ; 
 In honor we are bound this lamb to bind. 
 Poor, poor lost mutton. 
 
 Princess. Mother I don't mind. 
 
 I am prepared the heroine to play. 
 Remember Perseus and Andromeda ; 
 Or the fair Sabra and St. George ! indeed 
 Tis plain, for aught that I could ever read, 
 Could e'er by tale or history discover. 
 The course a Dragon never yet walked over, 
 To walk oif with the stake of a Princess — 
 But either he got into some great mess ; 
 Or else was stuck through body, bones and gristle, 
 Or else his head cut oif, clean as a whistle ; 
 Or if there was one thing on earth that nettled him. 
 More than another— it turned up and settled him. 
 
 King. She is as wise as brave, she's given us hope enout;h. 
 To hang the Dragon, let us give her rope enough. 
 
 \_They hind her to the stake. 
 
 Lords, Ladies, OrncEKs, Attendants, Guards, Enter r. & L. 
 
 King. Where shall we stand, the dread result to note ? 
 Queen. Upon a mountain's top, the most remote 
 
 And inaccessible, by shepherds trod. 
 King. \aside.'\ 
 
 To tread what's inaccessible is odd. 
 Queen, We'll stand to see what fortune out will shell. 
 
 And so one last embrace — and then, farewell. 
 
 Kes-g, Queen, Princess and Court. 
 CONCERTED PIECE—" French Air,'' 
 
 King. 
 
 Tes, farewell for we must go. 
 
 All. _ J 
 
 Oh!
 
 35 
 
 King. 
 
 Say good bye to your Papa! 
 
 Aim 
 
 Ah! 
 
 QUEEX. 
 
 And to fill the cup of woe, 
 Axx. 
 
 Oh! 
 
 Queen. 
 Bid adieu to your mamma 
 
 All. 
 
 Ah! 
 
 King. 
 
 Should the Dragon -win the day ! 
 
 All. 
 Eh! 
 
 KlXG. 
 
 And you down his gullet go. 
 
 All. 
 Oh! * 
 
 King. 
 Dearest child I hope you may — 
 
 All. 
 Eh! 
 
 King. 
 
 Choke him, e're you get too low, 
 
 All. 
 Oh! 
 
 lExeunt King, Queen and Court, l. h. 
 
 Princess. They've tied me to the stake, I cannot fly, 
 
 The Dragon can though, and will soon be nigh ; 
 
 But in the Frog I trust, as heretofore. 
 
 My Nonpareil is sound too, to the core, 
 
 Both at their post will be in time, I know, 
 
 And with two such good heartstrings to my bow,
 
 36 
 
 fl^^$ I fear no more this dragon, than the people 
 
 In Chcapfeide, fear the one, on Bow Church Steeple I 
 Methought I heard a noise, perhaps the Frog, 
 Is here already at her post incog. 
 
 Princess. 
 
 SCENA— " She loore a loredth ofroses.^^ 
 
 She wore a wreath of roses, 
 My sight wh-en first she met; 
 A face so sweetly smiling 
 t No frog had ever yet. 
 
 She said with much politeness 
 
 And in the softest tone, 
 
 That she'd return with grateful heart 
 
 The kindness to her shown. 
 
 'NVell, this is just the moment, 
 
 1 wish I could see now. 
 
 With that wreath of magic roses. 
 
 Upon her fairy Ih'ow. 
 
 '^ Zampa'" 
 
 But let that still, 
 
 Be as it will, 
 
 3\Iy Nonpareil will guard from ill 
 
 His Princess dear. 
 
 So naught I fear, 
 
 But thus the dragon dare ! 
 
 « Cymon.:' 
 
 Come on., come on, I dare you to come on! 
 
 I dare you ! I dare you ! I dare you to come on? 
 
 Enter Dragon, L. h. 2 E. cross to R. h. 
 
 Dra. Oh ! you do, do you ? 
 
 Princess. AJi ! [screaming.] 
 
 Bra, Then why these cries ? 
 
 rrincess. Nay, If you take a body by surprise. 
 
 Dra. I take a body any way or how, 
 
 When I'm as hungry as I am just now. 
 
 So down the red lane, as the children say, 
 
 You go du-ectly. 
 Princess, Help, Frog, while you may I
 
 37 
 
 JVfiisic. — Princf Noxpaeetl u-enring the iimsihlo con/ (md 
 bearing the sivord of' sh(i7-puess^ enters r.h. and catches hold of 
 
 Dragoii's lad. 
 
 Dra. Furies and fire, A^hVs pulling at my tail ?. 
 Pi-iuce [r ] If you desire to know, rrince Nonpareil ; 
 Princess [c ] It is his voice, but I can't get a sight of him. 
 Dt-a. No more can I, or Id make but one bite ofliim. 
 Prince. But you shall feel me. There, and there and there. 
 
 \_Cutlitiii and stahhiiig him. 
 Dra \_Crossivg to l n., followed hy Nonpareil. 
 
 Oh, I'm an inidoue Dragon ; mercy, spare 
 
 W y life, and take my money. 
 Prince. Monster, no, 
 
 Go where all wicked Dragons ought to go. 
 [77is \ dragon falls and <iies. The Prince flings off his 
 
 coat, and appears to the Princess, whom he n. leases. 
 
 Vi( toria ! my love again is free. 
 Princess. Victorious, my love again I see ! 
 
 Filter King and Queen, l h. 
 
 Kivg. Hurrah! hurrah! you polished him off neatly, 
 Queen. Never was dragon cut up more comj^letely. 
 King. You've piei'ced his waterproof great- coat of scale 
 through, 
 
 And made a hole that you might drive the mail 
 through. 
 Prince. Ah, I forgot, I've not done with him yet. 
 
 There is a male, out through that hole to let. 
 Prihcess What marvel next ? 
 Prince. Come forth thou magic phial, 
 
 Thus of thy potent charm I make one trial. 
 {Sprinkles the contents on the body of Dragon, and Vrince 
 
 Lizardo rises out of if. 
 J.iz. And to my great relief I'm free to say, 
 Queen, [l.c] 
 
 Ah handsome youth I where did yon spring from, pray ? 
 Liz. Out of that Dragon's hide, wherein 1 led 
 
 A horrid life, for one well born and bred. 
 
 Compelled — to serve a wicked Fairy's ends — 
 
 I'o live — I blush to say — upon my friends. 
 
 liestored to habits now, that more befit me, 
 
 I mean to liveybr them — if they permit me. 
 Prince. Although prepared, of course, for tiiis event, 
 
 It gives me wonder great as my content, 
 
 To see you here before us.
 
 38 
 Gren'ouilletta Enters r. h 2 e. 
 
 Gren. [r c] I've no doubt, 
 
 But the whole secret now may be let out. 
 This is the Prince Lizardo -who, one day, 
 Fell in the Fairy Lioness's way— 
 And, for he would'nt doat the cruel hag on, 
 She turned him into that detested Dragon ! 
 
 King. [l. c] Ah! I suspect— Prince ! you're a lucky dog! 
 To you, our friend is not cold as a Frog ! 
 
 Gren. Well I confess, sir, spare a Fair>'s blushes, 
 Here as the Emperor of all the rushes 
 I hope to crown him. 
 
 Scene changes to 
 
 LAST SCENE. 
 Nuptial Bower of the Queen of the Frogs 
 
 Princess. See ! where from them springs 
 
 A Fairy Palace ! 
 King. With two Dragon wings. 
 
 Gren. Enter in triumph ! 
 Queen. Softly there, my friend ! 
 
 That must on other sovereign powers depend. 
 King. For such a plunge, this pit may be too deep, 
 
 A Frog like you, should look before you leap. 
 Queen. [/« audience'\ 
 
 " Do as you would be done by," is a rule 
 
 As golden as was ever taught at school. 
 King. Let the Frog save us, as we tried to save her. 
 Queen. By jumping here, at once, into your favor. 
 
 FINALE—" Green grow the Rushes 0." 
 
 Princess. 
 
 Remove our cares with kindly hand. 
 
 And view whatever passes O, 
 
 In this our mimic fairy land, 
 
 But through good nature's glasses O, 
 
 Come here in masses O, 
 
 Patrons of all classes O ,• 
 
 And fill our rows to overflows. 
 
 With merry lads and lasses O.
 
 39 
 
 Queen. 
 
 When all the world shall crowding be, 
 I'he monster Exhibition O ; 
 Form IMonster INIeetings liere to see, 
 Our Monsters in addition O I 
 French, Yankee, Russian O, 
 Swiss, Dutch, and Prussian O ; 
 Come fill our rows to ovcrtlows. 
 And never mind the crushing O. 
 
 King. 
 
 Let no stern critics, us poor frogs. 
 Come, like King Stork to diddle O ; 
 Be nice, good natured dear King Logs, 
 And play " frog in the Middle " O ! 
 Ei tol de riddle O, 
 We 11 dance and sing and fiddle O ; 
 Come fill our rows to overflows, 
 All round and down the middle O. 
 
 Pbincess, Prince, Geenouit.i.etta, Lizakdo, Kjkg 
 Queen, r. and l.
 
 J^ 
 
 y 
 
 /
 
 L 
 
 y'%Luh^ 
 
 SEVEN CHMpIONS 
 
 OF 
 
 CHRISTENDOM. 
 
 AN ORIGINAL COMIC FANTASTIC SPECTACLE 
 
 By J. R. PLANCH E, E s q. 
 
 AUTHOR OF 
 
 Fortunio; The Fair One with the Golden Locks; The White Cat ; 
 
 Beauty and the Beast ; The Sleeping Beauty ; Graciosa and 
 
 Percinnt; The Birds of Aristophanes; The Golden 
 
 Fleece ; I'he Invisible Prince ; The Golden 
 
 Branch ; King gf the Peacocks, &c. 
 
 Correctly Printed from the Froixspt Sock, with l^Kits, 
 Entrances, &c. 
 
 FIRST PERFORMED AT THE 
 
 ROYAL LYCEUM THEATRE, 
 On EASTER-MONDAY, APRIL 9, 1849. 
 
 SonUon : 
 
 PUBLISHED JJY S. G. FAIRBROTHER, 31, BOW STREET, 
 
 AND TO BE HAD IX THE THEATRE ; 
 
 SOLD ^VLSO BY W. STRANGE, PATERNOSTER ROW ; 
 
 G. ItERGER, HOLYWELL STREET, STRAND ; 
 
 C. HARRIS, BOW STREET; WISEHEART, DUBLIN J 
 
 AND ALL BOOKSELLERS. 
 
 PRICE ONE SHILLING.
 
 DRAMATIS PERSONA. 
 
 THE SEVEN CHAMPIONS. 
 
 St. George of England, 
 St. Denis of France, 
 St. David of Wales, 
 St. Anthony of Italy, 
 St. James of Spain, 
 St. Andrew of Scotland, 
 St. Patrick of Ireland, 
 
 Miss KATHLEEN FITZWILLIAM 
 Miss LOUISA HOWARD 
 Miss MARSHALL 
 Mrs. C. HORX 
 Miss DE BURGH 
 Jfiss J. COLEMAN 
 Miss MARTINDALK, 
 
 Charlev -Wag, Esq. - :in attendance on St. George) - Mr. CHARLES MATHEWS 
 Lazzarone, - fSlave to the Giant Ignoramus) - - Mr. HARLE\ 
 
 Leporello, f with a well-known character from his last plaoe) Mr. JOHN REEVK 
 
 Aile de Pigeon, 
 
 Murphy Shillelagh, 
 
 Ormandlne, 
 
 Art-i-chok, 
 
 Mot us, 
 
 Omyeyeah, 
 
 Katehim, 
 
 Hum, 
 
 Tee- toe -turn, 
 
 The Dragon, 
 
 (Perruquier from Parish 
 (an honest Bogtrotter) 
 . (a Tartarian Sorcerer) 
 
 (Calipli of Jerusalem > 
 (King of Thrace) 
 TMameluke Sultan of Egypt) 
 (an Officer) 
 (a Bad Spirit) 
 (the Cream of Tartar Phantom Dancer) 
 
 Mr. SELBY 
 
 Mr. H. HALL 
 
 Mr. F. COOKE 
 
 Mr. BELLING HAM 
 
 Mr. MUCKLO«' 
 
 Mr. BURT 
 
 Mr. HONNER 
 
 Mr. CHARLES 
 
 Mr. MARSHALL 
 
 Mr. H. MARSHALL 
 
 Who having led the life of a Dog since Christmas, has become one of the greatest 
 
 plagues to (everybody) in Egypt. 
 
 Hurly-burly, - CKalyba's Mant Porter; - Mr. GREATHEAP 
 
 The Giant Ignoramus, - . Mr. FEEFAWFUM 
 
 Baba, - Ca poor Egyptian Fellah) - Mr. KERRIDGE 
 
 Other Fellahs, Mess- s. De Courcy, Da\'i3, Healey, Benedict and Charles. 
 
 SIX "WILD MEN. 
 
 O'Whack. O'Rack, O'Rint, O'Tool. O'Bother, O'Murther. 
 
 (The story says 30, but the idea of 30 Wild Men in Ireland is too preposterous even 
 
 for an Estr.Tv.iganzaJ 
 
 Kalyba, - - (the Enchantress) - Miss CONNOR 
 
 Una, - (the eldest Daughter of the King of Thrace) - Miss MALCOLM 
 Zuliemah, f Daughter of the Caliph of Jerusalem; Miss L. MARSHALL 
 
 Mora, - ("Daughter of the King of Thessalyj - - Miss GALE 
 
 The Fair Sabra, • CDaughter of the Sultan of Egypt; - Miss BRENTNALL 
 Dua, Tria, Quarta, Quinia, .'^exta, Septlma, (Six yiunger Daughters of t King of 
 
 Thraf'e; — Fgyptian Women, Female I'hantom Dancers, &c. 
 Phantom of Una, - [on this occasion] - By the LADY HERSELF
 
 THE 
 
 SEVliN CHAMPION'S 
 
 OF 
 
 CHRISTENDOM. 
 
 ACT I.— SCENE I. 
 
 Xlie Brazen Castle of tbe Enchantress 
 Kalyba. 
 
 Grand March and Chorus — " La Tentation" 
 
 Enler the Demoniac Household and Guards of the 
 Enchantress, and lastly Kaltba. 
 
 CHORUS— MarcA m " Za Tentation:' 
 March — march— march ! 
 Hither come all who take Kalyba's wages ! 
 Cloven foot guards and infernal young pages. 
 Hurrah ! hurrah ! hurrah ! 
 Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily march ! 
 Blow your long horns 
 
 And make your serpents clamourous — clamourou* 
 Batter your drums 
 And flourish your cymbals so gay 
 Spite of her scorns, 
 Of Kalyba still amorous, aniorous ! 
 Ormandine comes ! 
 In state, a kind visit to pay. 
 
 Oemandine enters in a car drawn by Fiery Dragons. 
 
 Kal, VVelcome. great Ormandine! and say. what is it 
 Procures us, sir, ihe lienor of this visit? 
 Seek you to solve some problem in our art, 
 Or such assistance as 1 can imparl? 
 Or finding you had half an hour to spare, 
 Did you drive lutlier, just for change ot air ?
 
 6 
 
 Orm. The potent Calyba is far loo wise 
 
 To ask such questions, and require replies. 
 She knows the motive of my coming well, 
 And what events the hostile stars foretell ; 
 Or else the scandal's true that 1 have heard, 
 And love has made her blind ! 
 
 Kal. Love ! How absurd ! 
 
 What will the idle gossips whisper next? 
 No — for your visit this is a pretext, 
 By jealousy inspired — come, disgorge 
 Your spleen in two words. 
 
 Orm. So I will — Saint George ! 
 
 Kal. Of course — if cause so plain I could not see. 
 Accounted blind, / should deserve to be ! 
 And now, supposing all you've heard is true. 
 Permit me to inquire — what's that to you ? 
 
 Orm. Ungrateful Kalyba I what is't to me ? 
 
 Think'st thou, unmoved, thy ruin I could see? 
 Is it not written in the starry skies, 
 That Seven Champions shall in Europe rise ? 
 AVIiose valiant deeds shall sweep the earth of evil, 
 And one of them p'ay, with yourself the devil. 
 
 Kal. It is — and need 1 tell you what I've done. 
 Have I not kidnapped every mother's son ? 
 Did 1 not from their cradles have them caught up. 
 And here in solitary dungeons brought up ; 
 Spell-bound, their weary lives away to pass, 
 In chains of adamant and walls of brass. 
 
 Orm. Save one — who roams within your castle free — 
 
 Kal. Within, I grant ; but still my captive he, 
 As fast as either of the other six. 
 
 Orm. No, you are his — and in an awkward fix. 
 
 You'll find yourself, as sure as you stand there, 
 If of that deep young dog you don't take care ! 
 
 Kal. Fear not — such care of him I mean to take, 
 That you shall not a victim of him make. 
 So, from your double face pull off the vizard. 
 And stand confessed, a jealous pated wizanl ! 
 Who hates, because I love ttie bfautPou« boy. 
 And would your rival, not my foe destroy. 
 
 Orm. I tell you danger in the stars I've read — 
 
 Kal. Add to your information, " Queen Anne's dead !" 
 Trot back to Tarlary, most sage Manciioo, 
 Such is my counsel, in return to you. 
 I'm truly grateful for your friendly warning, 
 And wish you — very heartily— good morning!
 
 Orm. Farewell, for ever, Kalyba! I s' e 
 
 You'll catch a Tartar, but 'twill not me ! 
 
 [^/unc — Eretint i) {I'M Asvi's^ Guards, ^c 
 
 Kal. No doubt he meant tliat speech to be pathetic, 
 That Tartar is, to me, tart'>r emetic ! 
 Let him once more but dare to intcrleip. 
 And I will send him off with, in his ear, 
 The most gieantir flpa tha' ever sk'.p'ied, 
 Or, like a syllabub, may I be whipped ! 
 Now to refresh my spirit with the sight 
 Of my young hero, who so longs to fight ; 
 I must for him a box of soldiprs find. 
 To pilch into, whenever he's inclined. 
 
 [Uproar ivithoiit.] 
 Heyday ! who's kicking up that dreadful row { 
 Somebody's pitching in to some one now ! 
 Speak ! who is being pounded in a mortar ? 
 
 Page. It's Master George, madam, punching the porter ! 
 
 Kal. The porter! what, a giant? 
 
 Page. He don't care — 
 
 He'd punch old Nick himself, if he were there! 
 
 [Giant looks over the wall, crying. 
 
 Giant, Ow ! If you f lease, I wont stop in my place 
 If that young scamp's to go it, ai this pace, 
 Because I said the gate he must'nt pass, 
 He up and called me a great stupid ass 
 And wheH I tried to push him back, ecod, he 
 Knocked almost all the breath out of my body, 
 
 Kal. [Aside] The brave young rogue. [Aloud] VVell — 
 There, don't make that noise ! 
 The lad has spirit, and boys tvill be boys ! 
 But 'twasn't pretty of liir.i, I admit — 
 Go back, sir, to your lodge — I'll see to it ! 
 
 Giant. Mind , ma'am, if you can't make him more compliai.t , 
 You'll please to find yourself another giant. 
 
 Kal. Begone ! [Exit Giant, grumbling. 
 
 One would suppose, to hear that sot, 
 There was no other giant to be got! 
 I know of twenty, taller, stouter, near 
 To whom that porter would but seem small beer ! 
 Tell Master George to come to me. 
 
 Enter St. Geokge, b h. 
 
 St. Geo. [Entering'] Behold him. 
 
 Kal, What eyes he has — I've not the heart to scold him.
 
 8 
 
 St. Geo. Now, what d'ye want me for ? 
 Xal. One moment, dear — 
 
 My pet is too impetuous, 1 fear — 
 You've struck my porter — • 
 St. Geo. VVelJ then — why did he 
 
 Prevent my going oat, ihe world to see? 
 Kal. He had my orders, love — and did his duty. 
 St. Geo. I don't care— ate if I don't spoil his beauty. 
 Kal. Nay. the poor body you have punched enough — 
 St. Geo. Id punc'i his he^d if f was tali enough! 
 Just let him wait till I grow up, that's all, 
 And won't I serve him out! 
 j^fff^ Youni make me call 
 
 My spirits up, to bind you over, boy, 
 To keep the peace, 
 St. Geo. Your spirits I'll destroy, 
 
 War, war, no peace —I'll be a soldier — 
 Kal. Stay. 
 
 St. Geo. St. George for England — forward— charge— hurra, 
 Kal. Be a good bov, and Kalyba but stay with, 
 
 And you shall have a sword and shield to play with, 
 St. Geo. A helmet, too ? 
 
 Kal, A beautiful and bright one — 
 
 St. Geo. With crimson feathers — I won't shew a white one ! 
 Kal. Enter my armoury — choose what you will. {Aside.] 
 Arm'd, I've no doubt he'll look more killing still. 
 [ Waves her wand. The gates at back open and 
 discover the armom-t/. 
 
 St. Geo. Ob, what a jolly lot of swords and lances, 
 And all the things one reads of in romanc'^s ; 
 Here is a suit, that seems just made to suit me ! 
 
 Kal. [Aside.} And you're a beau. Love made I'm sure to 
 shoot me ! 
 Without my leave, he has with my heart levanted 
 The witch bewitched, the enchantress quite en- 
 chanted. 
 
 [Aloud to him.] Too captivating captive, I surrender 
 At indiscretion. Lo, to thee I surrender 
 My magic wand— use all its wond'rous powers, 
 Reit;n paramount within these brazen towers. 
 Let "pleasure hold there a perpetual orgie, 
 For Kalyba and her sweet Georgy Porgy ! 
 
 St. Geo. [Taking wand.] 
 
 Lisidious sorceress, asjainst your charms 
 
 I'm armed in proof, though a mere child in arms !
 
 Tot noble deeds ordained, a youth precocious; 
 Long have I marked, and loathed your wuv.^ 
 
 atrocious ! 
 First will I use ray power to set free 
 My six companions in captivity, 
 Equipped for battle, gallant friends, appear. 
 
 iPFaves tcan<A 
 Flourish — Enter the other Six Champions in completi 
 
 ^rm<mr,/rom 1, 2 and 3 entrances, nand l- 
 Kal. Furies and fire, I've made a blunder here. 
 
 Give me my wand again, vile traitor ! 
 S/. Geo. Never ! 
 
 You've cut this wicked stick of yours for ever, 
 And so will I, as soon as I have done with it! 
 Your hour has come, and I know what's o'clock. 
 Thus to their base I make your turrets rock ! 
 [The Castle changes to Rocks. St. George 
 touches a portion, and a chasm appears. 
 
 Between us you'll observe there is a split; 
 
 Do me the favour to walk into it. 
 
 You ne'er meant these good knights should see the 
 
 day! 
 Good night to you, ma'am ; turnabout's fair play! 
 
 [Kalyba enters the Rock, which closes on her. 
 So, that account is closed ! My brave young Paddy, 
 
 [To St. Patkick. 
 Your hand ; aud your's, my bonnieHighland laddie, 
 
 [To St. Andrew. 
 My dauntless David, and my trusty Tony, 
 
 [To St. David and St. Anthoky. 
 My Spanish don, and my gay Gallic crony, 
 
 [To ST.JAMBsa«<iST. Denis. 
 Your hands ! May all our nations thus be found, 
 Linked in true friendship, whilst the world goes 
 
 round. 
 But come, there's business for us all to do ; 
 And more, perhaps, than we can well get through. 
 There never was a lime when gallant knights 
 Were more required, to set the world to rights! 
 Monsters of all sorts are abroad, in heaps. 
 From monster meetings down to monster sweeps — 
 Giant oppressors upon foreign shore?, 
 Horribl" brutes, aud most prodigious bores, 
 Rapacious harpies, who on minors prey 
 Syrens, who sing tiie souls of men away 1
 
 10 
 
 Falal delusions, moral anH poiitica(, 
 That'vex the Globe and make theTimes more critical j 
 Go forth then, Champions, over land and water. 
 Defend the right, and give the v?rong no quarter? 
 
 St. George. 
 AIK. — Lucia di Lammermoor. 
 Through the world be your bright swords gleaming, 
 And your standards proudly streaming ! 
 Fast before your wrath shall vanish 
 All the snares that man betray. 
 Of ambition the wild frenzy curbing, 
 Dark sedition's plans disturbing ; 
 Quacks expose and traitors banish ! 
 Truth to conquest points the way, 
 Combat and conquer — come Is the day ! 
 
 Each to his task, and be renowned in sto'-y I 
 Saint George for England, to increase her glory .' 
 
 [Exit E. H. 
 
 St. And. Andrew for Scotland, to swell her exchequer ! 
 
 [Exit B. H. 
 St Dav. David for Wales — to look after Rebecca! 
 
 {Exit, R. H. 
 St. Den. Denis for France — who's had some awkward 
 rubs, 
 
 From the wild men, who sway terrific clubs. 
 
 [Exit, R. H. 
 St. Ant. And Anthony for Italy — I hope 
 
 To find some Romans left, if not a Pope I 
 
 [Exit, L. H, 
 ;S'/. Jam. Saint James for Spain — intriguers vile to banish, 
 Spaniards who feel for nothing, but the Spanish ! 
 
 [Erit, L. H. 
 St. Pat. Saint Patrick then for Ireland, I suppose, 
 
 But what^s to be done with it — Heaven knows ! 
 
 [Exit, L. H, 
 SCENE 11. 
 
 An ea«is in the Deserts of Arabia. 
 
 In the centre a .Mulberry Tree. 
 
 Enter Saint Denis, l. h. 
 
 St. Den. Well may they call this Araby the blest! 
 I've found, as yet, no wrong to be redres!»
 
 u 
 
 Soft ! here comes one in such a shabby weed, 
 Me wants redressing very much indeed" ! 
 
 Enter Aile-de-Pigeon, e h. 
 Who are you, friend, your name and station— say ? 
 Aile-de-P. Aile-de-Pigeon. from Pans— Perruquier. 
 St. Den. \ Perruquier! what bronghtyou to a nation 
 
 \Vhere wigs are never worn ? 
 Aile-de-P. Fraternization. 
 
 I sailed from Marseilles wjth a bold crusader, 
 Of vvh^ni i knew no more than Abdel Kader. 
 But i had iiiouey — he had not a sous. 
 And so 'twas setiled 1 should pay for two. 
 St. Den, And what was he to do for you in turn ? 
 Aile-de-P. Why, that exactly I could never learn, 
 
 ^\ hilst the cash lasted, 
 o^. Den. And when that was flown 
 
 Aile-de.P. He had flown too— and so I've never known. 
 St. Den. Pauvre Pigeon ! and these rags which I view— 
 Aile-de-P. Are his old clothes, he took mine, which were 
 new. 
 
 St. Den. Take both your money and your clolhe'=— the 
 
 thief! 
 Aile-de-P. Pardonnez moi— the crime in his belief 
 Was mine — all property is counted theft, 
 No man's all right, till he has nothing left. 
 St. Den. Is this the new philosophy of France? 
 Against it will St. Denis break a lance ! 
 Aile-de-Pigeon, your champion here you see 
 From Paris — you sure must know St. Denis! 
 Aile-de-P. St. Dennis ! sir, of you I've often read, 
 
 But always thought till now, you wore your head 
 Beneath your arm. 
 'S^ Den. An image merely friend. 
 
 To shew you must not on your head depend. 
 In countries, where to speak without a scofif, 
 Its one day heads up— and the next, heads off! 
 But come, if to take service you've a mind 
 I want a squire — 
 Aile-de-P. Sir, you're very kind, 
 
 I'm tired of equality, ar.d so 
 Jump at proposal, made so apropos ! 
 St. Dan. I'll get you into better habits soon, 
 But I have travelled far, this afternoon 
 And need some slight refreshment and repose 
 Yon branches proffer shade, and food dl^cluse
 
 12 
 
 Gather me some of that rich {emijuigiiun, 
 The whilst I make a pilUr of the root. 
 
 [Music — AiLB-DK Pigeon gathers some mulber- 
 
 berriesas Saint Ukms seals himself under the 
 
 tree, Ai i k-de-Pioeon hands him down some of 
 he fruit ; but the i7islant Smut Dennis Aa« 
 
 tasted it, he disappears, and a stag is seen in 
 
 his place. 
 Alle-de-P. [retreating hastily from the tree.} 
 
 Misericorde! what dreadful change is here ? 
 tJh, my dear lord ! now more than ever dear ! 
 Since in a deer-skin you have wrapped your woes. 
 And tears run trickling down your poor dear nose. 
 What vile magican has thus changed your features. 
 And made you take up a four- footed creature's! 
 
 AiLE SB Pigeon. 
 AIR. — Maitre Corbeau. 
 
 Oh, that such a beau ! such a buck, I should say ! 
 
 A greater buck than ever should become to-day, 
 
 And just as he began to " parlez bon Franijais," 
 
 Be turned into a dumb brute who nothing can say ; 
 
 Not even tra, la, la, la, &c. 
 
 And yet I don't know why I astonishment should shovf 
 
 At any turn, however suddeu, here below, 
 
 For after all the changes in Paris Pve heard ring. 
 
 There's nothing mightn't turn out in less time than you 
 
 could sing 
 The air of tra, la, la, la, &c. 
 
 Voice, [from tree.] Listen ! 
 
 Aile-de-P. Ha ! listen ! — well, I do, who spoke ? 
 
 Voice. The tree ! 
 
 Aile-de-P. The tree ! come, that is a good joke { 
 
 Its some one locked up in a trunk. 
 Voice. You're right ! 
 
 A vile enchanter did it out of spite; 
 
 But lose no time — go tind a rose, and make 
 
 Your masier eat it, and the spell will brtak. 
 Aik-de-P. A rose! I'll never re^t, till one i find I 
 
 [Hunting Horns in the distcfice. 
 
 But liaik ! the hunter's horns are on the wuiJ ! 
 
 Oh ! quickly hide your horns, my dearest mas^tr, 
 
 Or I toreiiee some lernble disa^ltr.
 
 13 
 
 Voict- Go seek the rose, and leave the deer to mc. 
 
 My boughs are bent on sheltering him you see. 
 [^The boughs of the tree gradually drtop over 
 the Stag, and conceal him 
 iU-de-P. Sensitive plant, you are a friend in season, 
 
 I'll trust jour leaves, allhc ugh your fruit is treason. 
 
 [Eocit} u. B. R. H. 
 Enter Katchim and Huntsmen, l. n. u. e. 
 CllOlWS.—Guillatme Tell. 
 We all went out a hunting, 
 The break of day before, 
 In hopes to stop the grunting 
 Of a most enormous boar ! 
 Tantarara ! tantarara ! 
 But he made it soon appear — 
 Tantarara — tantarara ! 
 We'd got the wrong pig by the ear — 
 Till a young knight 
 To our delight 
 
 Into his sparerib poked a spear ! 
 Enter Siaves, Aet-i-chok, and Zuliemah in a lifter or 
 
 pulanquin, 
 Kat. Commander of the faithful, mighty caliph, 
 
 Your servants hope for ev,.^r that jou may live, 
 And they to see you — 
 Art. Speak ! 
 
 Kat. Great sir, without 
 
 Your leave, I dare not. 
 Art. Get on, or ^et out. 
 
 Kat. The orders of my Sovereign aie fulfilled. 
 
 The boar iliat botiiered us so lung, iS killed 1 
 jlrt. By whom ? 
 Kat. A stianyer knight, who came incog. 
 
 And WHdt against him — the entirs hog. 
 Art. Set him immediately our face before — 
 Kat. Dread Sovereign, whii;h — the stranger or the boarf 
 ^t. Both, for each might be both — 
 Kat. Approach ! 
 Mmic — Enltr Arabs, bearing the head of a gigantic 
 
 Boar, and foliotced by Saint Jamks. 
 Kat. BehoM, 
 
 t)h, Kuii: ! lie tropiiy and the victor liold ! 
 To lie rewarded 'landsomely, he claim-'. 
 Art. What nrt ihou? 
 St. Jam. Caliph, I aia c.dled Saint Jumes,
 
 14 
 
 Champion of Spain. 
 Art. By Mahomet's grandmother, 
 
 He is an infidel ! 
 Si. Jam. You are another ! 
 
 The deed is done, and 1 demand the prize ! 
 Art. Seize him, and bind him to yon tree — he dies! 
 
 [They obei/. 
 
 St. Jam. I've killed a great boar, but this is a greater! 
 
 Is this your gratitude, you Pagan traitor? 
 Art. For the short time you'll draw it, spare your breath ! 
 
 We'll girant one favor — you may choose your death ! 
 Si.Jam.'Y\\exi by a maiden's hand let me be shot! 
 Kat. How very sentimental — is it not? 
 Art. Agreed. And fortunately here's our daughter; 
 
 She's a toxopholite of the first water! 
 
 Zuliemah, darling, take your bow and arrow, 
 
 And shoot him as you woula a young cock sparrow 1 
 ZuL Alas, dear father, see my arm's not steady, 
 
 For he has shot me through the heart already! 
 
 Oh, pardon him, or see your daughter fall 
 
 On her own dart! [Suiting the action to the word. 
 Art. Stop, thai won't do at all ! 
 
 ZuL Between your vengeance and yuut daughter choose ! 
 Art. Oil, my paternal fondness you abuse ! 
 
 Release the uifidel, and let hua go. 
 St. Jam. [To Zuliemah] To you I dedicate the life I owe. 
 ^rt. Tliat dedication is not by permission ! 
 
 Hence, of your life take off this new edition ! 
 
 March ! 
 
 [E.xeuni. Art-i-chok, Zuliemah, and Suite. 
 
 St. Jam. Cruel fate! He takes my life away, 
 
 In taking her, with whom for life I'd stay. 
 
 St. James. 
 
 AIIl. — Isabella. 
 
 Oft have I pond^'red on Peris and Houries, 
 
 The stars of Arabian Nights, 
 But this fair Pagan more beautiful sure is 
 
 Than any such false "harem lights." 
 No gazelle — no gazelle — no gazelle 
 
 Has such eyos, as of me took the measure ; 
 She's a belle — she's a belle — she's a belle 
 
 I could ring with the greatest of pleasure, 
 Zuliemah ! Zuliemah !
 
 15 
 
 Enter Leporello, 1 e. Ki h^ 
 
 Lep. Senor ! 
 
 St. Jam. Hah ! 
 
 Lep. May you live a thousand years! 
 
 My mistress, Zuliemah, 'twixt hopes and fears, 
 Sends you these flowers^ which in their orthography. 
 Mean she will fly with you through all geography;, 
 Cutting the Koran, as she cuts her tether, 
 And so embrace vour faitU aud you together! 
 
 St. Jam. Delicious flowers, back to that fairer flower, 
 And beg she'll name the day, and fix the hour! 
 First at St. James's Church we'll tie the ksot. 
 Then off" to Spain, as fast as we can Irot. 
 
 Lep. To Spain ! Oh, St. J ago. 
 
 St. Jam. tiold, good fellow. 
 
 Are you a Spaniard ? 
 
 Lep. Sir, 1 m Leporello, 
 
 St.Javi. How, Leporello! What the very zany, 
 
 Who lived some time ago with Don Giovanni ! 
 What wind has blown you, pray, so far from Seville ? 
 
 Lep. Wliy, wiien my master, sir, went to the devil, 
 1 can't say I felt inclined to follow him ; 
 So, soon as I had seen the trap-door swallow him, 
 I bolted, and to Barbary went over. 
 
 St. Jam. What made you to that barbarous land a rover? 
 
 Lep. Alas, senor, in many things, to me, 
 
 Spain seems more barbarous than Barbary, 
 Kept by her own flies in peipetual blister, 
 By turns Cliristino, Carlist, Progresista, 
 Whilst liberty in strong convulsions lingers, 
 Morachs make matches, but to burn their fingers. 
 With fluciuating funds, and constant fetters, 
 Muck patriots, and bona fide debtors, 
 Tis hard to say who've most care on their shoulders, 
 Those held in bond?, or those who are bond holders. 
 
 St. Jam. Castile is famed for honor still I hope ? 
 Lep. Castile, at pre^ent, is more famed for soap. 
 
 St. Jam. Fine tempered blades Toledo s»ill displays? 
 
 Lep. They're not quite so good tempered now-a-days. 
 
 St. Jam. Poor Spain, a champion yet fiom wreck muy save 
 But first, to liberate my fair enslaver ! [her, 
 
 Lep. Leave me alone Tor that, good senor mine, 
 I've liad some practice ii- the eloping line ; 
 I'll aid her to decamp from watch and warders, 
 And be your aid-de-camp till further orders.
 
 16 
 
 ,1)U0.— St. Jambs and Lepobeixo. 
 AIR. — Giovinetti. 
 
 I'll 1 ^^*y *^ ^^ ^^^y *"*! s^y 'tis I ™^ J- glory 
 To bear hei' from her Saracen Pa, 
 
 "As the buUbul is true to the rose," the old story, old 
 story, 
 
 You) , , 
 
 r J- can say to her et coetera, et ccetera, 
 
 That we'll start by the next ship will sail if 
 The start we can get of the caliph. 
 
 And happy to be | ^\ can't fail if 
 
 Beloved by the fair Zuliemah, Zuliemah I 
 
 [Exit LEroBKLXo 
 
 Eater Ailb-de Pigeon, r, a. u.b. 
 
 Aile. I've beaten every bush to find a rose ; 
 
 Not e'en a dog's one in the desert grows! 
 
 Wonders of wonders! who is this I see? 
 
 My master retraniformed — great Saint Denis. 
 St. Jam. Saint Denis! no, I am Saint James of Spain, 
 
 What knov? you of my friend in arms.' — explaiu. 
 Aiie. Oh, sir, to save him, you bv fate are sent, suieJ 
 
 HeV had the most remarkable adventure! 
 
 He took a fancy to some ripe mulberries, 
 
 But they tuined out to be vile black-art cherries. 
 
 Changed to a stag, behold the gallant knight! 
 
 [Parting the boughs, and shewing the ilagi 
 St- Jam.Vm absolutely >taggered at the sight! 
 
 What can restore hi-, blood to circulation, 
 
 In liuman (orm, from this state of stagnation if 
 Aile. Eating a rose — there's one in that bouquet ! 
 St. Jam- The rose my love gave with her heart away! 
 
 Yet, in such a caoje, to hesitate, were sin I 
 
 [Gives rose to Aile-de Pigeon who gives it to 
 the Stag. 
 
 t/Sile- Eat, sir, and jump for joy c ut of your skin. 
 
 [The Slag disappears, and St. Denis is sten in 
 his place. 
 
 St. Den. My brother champion, and my liberator. 
 (bV Jam. Of this vile deed, wl»o was the perj^etiator '
 
 17 
 
 Foice. IFrom the treeJ] 
 
 Let me out, and I'll tell you in a niinuie> 
 St. Jam. A talking tree ! 
 
 Aile. Tliere is some Miss Tree in it' 
 
 St. Jam. Then let her out by aU means. 
 St. Den. So I would man, 
 
 If I but knew the way. 
 Voice. Then, like a good man. 
 
 Don't spare the tree, but fell it at a blow, 
 
 With your good sword. 
 St. Den. '* Mont joie 1" then, be it so ! 
 
 It seems ungrateful to the boughs thai hid me. 
 
 But, by their leaves, I'll do just as you bid me. 
 {^Music He strikes the tree with his sword— it sink* 
 and discovers the Princess Mora. 
 
 Pri. Thanks, noble champion, a Piincess am [, 
 The daughter of the King of Thessaly, 
 Boxed up for seven years alone »o pine. 
 Because I boxed the ears of Ormandiae, 
 A necromancer then at court the fashion, 
 Who dared confess to me his lawless passion. 
 
 Enter Obmandine, l. u. e. 
 
 Orm. VVho ventures mighty Ormandine to name? 
 
 Ah ! fiends and fire, 'tis lucky tfeal I came. 
 St. Den. Fair Princess, I your champion am for life. 
 
 Away ! 
 St. Jam. Stop ! — I would also take a wife. 
 
 Ehter Leporexlo and Zuukmah, r. h. 
 
 Lep. And here she is, sir, ready to be taken ! 
 
 Zul. Oh 1 fly my love, before my father waken ! [going. 
 
 Vrm. Not quite so fast 
 
 St. Den. 'Sdeath ! clear the course, sir, or — 
 
 Orm. You are a saucy one, but I'm a sorceror. 
 
 Prin. 'Tis Ormandine himself! 
 
 .St. Jam The wizard slay! 
 
 Orm. Fiends of the deseit, hearken, and obey. 
 
 Siminoon and sand-storm darken earth and fky, 
 And sweep my captives off' to Taitary I 
 
 [Mtsic. Storm, S[C. l/ie Knighis, (heir Ladies, 
 and Attendants are iorne oj^Jy Ob man dinW 
 and Storm Fiends.
 
 18 
 
 SCENE III. 
 Hall in the Giant's CastlCc 
 
 Arci in centre, closed by curtains. 
 
 Enter Lazzakone, i. h. 
 
 Laz. Who'd serve a giant ? There can be no doubt, 
 The way to serve him^ is to serve him out! 
 And so I would, beiore he was much older. 
 Had nature made me a (rifle boldei. 
 Put I confess 'hat, in mv composition^ 
 Courage has been a singular omission ; 
 And in my cranium, as described by Gall, 
 Combativeness I cannot find at all! 
 
 Lazzarone. 
 AIR. — Nonpiu mesta. 
 I'm of that opinion quaintly told 
 In verse, called Hudibrastic. 
 Which persons who are over bold 
 Profess to think sarcastic. 
 'Tis, " that he who fights and runs away 
 May live to fight another day ;" 
 Whilst he who is battle slain 
 In future counts as Zero. 
 Then who a doubt can entertain 
 That prudence proves the hero ! 
 For he who is in battle slain 
 Can never rise to fight again ; 
 Whilst he who fights and runs away 
 The field again may trot to, 
 Unless, as in case, I'd say 
 He would much rather not to. 
 
 Here comes the lady, who, with voice and iute, 
 Lulls every night to sleep, the monstrous brute! 
 One of the King of Thrace's seven daughters. 
 The other six are swans, on yonder wateis ; 
 Poor spell-bound birds, with no hope their release of, 
 Their only crime, they wouldn't be made geese of. 
 
 Enter Una, r. h. 
 
 Una. Good Lazzarone! I'm in such a flurry — 
 
 Where is the Giant ? 
 Lx2. Gone out in a hurry —
 
 19 
 
 Called for his seven-leagued boots, before I'd 
 black'd 'em, 
 
 And pulled ihem on so hard, he almost crack'd 'em ; 
 
 Put on his great, s^reat coat, that wasn't bruNhed, 
 
 Shouldered his awful club, ind out he rushed ! 
 Una. Tiiai's some relief — for know to my amazement, 
 
 I saw just now, whilst peeping from my casement. 
 
 The iiiccsi young man standing in the garden. 
 
 Who most politely bowed, and begged .ny pardon; 
 
 But having Ktard oi our sad situation. 
 
 He'd come to offer us emancipation. 
 Liz. Emancipation ! a poor silly youth, 
 
 ^Vho wouldn't fill the gi?.nt's hollow tooth ! 
 
 Dissuade him, madam, from the rash endeavour, 
 
 Or we shall be in a worse scrape than ever ! 
 Una. No ! for this beating heart with love js quite full 
 
 I've let him in — 
 Laz. You have ! for something frightful ! 
 
 Enter Saint Anthony, r. h. 
 
 St. Ant. For something handsome, rather say, yon lout, 
 For I'm let in to let this beauty out! 
 Words 1 have none, to speak my admiration, 
 Saint Anthony ne'er had such a temptation. 
 
 Laz. Saint Anthony ! 
 
 St. jint. Of Italy. 
 
 Laz. Evviva ! 
 
 Oh, then in you I must be a believer! 
 From Naples, I — Povero Lazzarone, 
 Forced by stern fate from mirth and maccaroni; 
 Slave to a monster, who delights to beat me, 
 And tell me to be thankful, he don't eat me ! 
 
 St. Ant., Destroy the wretch ! 
 
 Laz. It's easy to say do it. 
 
 His skull's so thick, no pick axe could break through 
 it! 
 
 Una. His heart's so hard, no dagger need he dread ! 
 
 Laz. His neck's so stiff, you can't cut off his head. 
 Whilst yours he'd twist as easy as a pigeon's ! 
 
 St.Ant. I bring a wond'rous charm from happier regions. 
 The gunpowder of mtellectual progress, 
 That floors the gianl, and eats up the ogress; 
 Lay to it but the train i f education. 
 And fire it with the spark of emulation, 
 A blaze of light these gloomy walls will rend. 
 And put to brutal ignorance an end!
 
 20 
 
 Una, Quick, where's the charm ? 
 
 St.^nt. Already in the mine, 
 
 Beneath his chair, placed there by hands divine, 
 
 I'll lay the train, and wake the electric spark 
 
 That shall achieve your liberation. 
 
 \Tno loud knocks. 
 Una. Hark! 
 
 Laz. Oh,murder,there's his thundering doubleknock, 
 
 It gives my nervous system such a shock ! 
 Una. He has come home to supper, 
 St. Ant. Let him sup. 
 
 After his blovy out, shall come his blow up. 
 
 [Music. They retire. 
 
 [The curtains of the centre arch open and dii- 
 cover Giant, seated at a table. 
 Giant. How now! my supper, slaves, I'm hungry — zounds, 
 Why isn't it on table, lazy hounds? 
 Quick, or I'll gabble you up, one and all ! 
 
 [Slaves enter nith supper, uhich they place on 
 table. 
 I've walked a thousand miles, to make a call 
 On my friend, Ormaudine, to talk about 
 These seven young vagabonds, but he was out, 
 Confound it! I'm not easy in my mmd — 
 Where'er 1 go some of these boys I find 
 Are seiting folks agog for knowledge, freedom, 
 Peace, commerce, and all things to good that le^. 
 
 'em! 
 There'll be an end soon of these dear dark ages, 
 War be unknown, and labor gain fair wages. 
 No slaves to trample on, no weak to plunder — 
 Whai's to become of all great rognes I wonder ? 
 Laz. [Aside and peeping.'] 1 long to see what will become 
 
 of one ! 
 Giant. What, ho ! you slaves, there, take away, I've done. 
 
 [Slaves remove plates. 
 Where's Una ? 
 Una. [Advancing, t. h.] Here my lord. 
 Giant. I want my nap ! 
 
 Sing. 
 Laz. [Aside."] It will be jour dirge, I hope, old chap 
 Una. What shall 1 sing, sir ? 
 
 Giant. S imething very grand — 
 
 That means, which nobody can understand, 
 And consequently everybody's praising ;
 
 21 
 
 How fast I sleep through it, is quite amazing. 
 Una. [Aside.] I'll sing a ballad, taught me by my moliier. 
 The stupid brute don't know one air from t'other! 
 
 Una. 
 NATIONAL BALLAD— To its own air. 
 " Hush a bye baby upon the tree-top, 
 When the wind blows the cradle will rock ; 
 When the bough breaks the cradle will fall, 
 Down tumbles baby and cradle and all." 
 Hark, how he snores ! — asleep already fast. 
 Laz. There is a match for him, I hope, at last. 
 Una. Now at a blow, Sir Knight, our bondage end. 
 St. Ant. Here goes ! 
 Laz. And up goes our extensive friend ! 
 
 [An Explosion. The Giant and the building dit- 
 appear, and the Scene changes to 
 
 Coral Crrotto and Fairy liake. 
 
 Six Swans are discovered on the Lake, with golden crowns on 
 their heads, and yolden collars and chains round their necks. 
 
 Laz. Saint Anthony for Italy I bravo! 
 
 Twas a toss up, but we have won the throw. 
 Una. Oh, gallant champion, crown your noble deed. 
 
 See where ray sisters for their freedom plead. 
 Laz. Their swan-like necks are yet as free from red scars, 
 
 As swans-down boas, bought at Swan and Edgar's! 
 
 But when foul Ormandine learns what you've done, 
 
 With swan shot he'll bring swans down everyone! 
 St. Ant. Alas 1 fair n:aiden, useless here my aid is, 
 
 I have no power to help those poor young ladies I 
 [ Trumpet without.] 
 
 A trumpet ! who comes hither — friend or foe ? 
 Laz. tJh, Signor! such great news! 
 
 [Ba^pipes.2 , 
 
 St. Ant. Those sounds I know- 
 
 ^n/«r Saint Andrew, Bagpiper and Kiho of Thrace. 
 
 St. And. Your friend and brother! 
 
 Una. And I know that face ! 
 
 My royal father ! 
 
 St. And. Yes, the King of Thrace. 
 
 W^ndeiing within a wilderness hard by, 
 1 found hiin piping his paternal eye;
 
 no 
 
 And pit)ing the poor old Pagan's pucker. 
 Proposed to give his sevf n daughters succour: 
 Provided he would change fur our's his creed, 
 To which l)e for himsflf aixl heirs agreed. 
 You, my brave friend, the Giant's goose have 
 
 cooked, 
 I to re-dress his swans by fate am booked ; 
 Instead of Pag in foul, be christian fan ! 
 Sink swans — and rise the darling ducks you were! 
 
 CHORUS. {^Invisible Spirits.'] — Scots who! hae. 
 
 Swans that bitter tears have shed, 
 Swans that weary lives have led, 
 Sink into your watery bed 
 And shake your feathers there ! 
 Now's the time of day, my flowers, 
 Of Ormandine we brave the powers ; 
 Rise at this command of ours, — 
 Ladies ! as you were ! 
 
 2Tie Lass of Goivrie. 
 
 See, they rise in all their channs ! 
 
 They've dropped their wings, and shoulder'd arBis, 
 
 While Scotland's ancient music warms 
 
 To life the fairy waters. 
 Starting from their grottoes round. 
 Wondering nymphs with lillies crown'd, 
 Dance to that inspiring sound. 
 
 As they were Scotland's daughters ! 
 
 [Music — the Swa7is sink, and in their place Six 
 Princess's appear, gorgeously attired, and 
 seated in Mother of Pearl Shells, 
 
 DANCE 
 
 Of Water Nymphs 
 
 BND or ACT FIRST.
 
 25 
 
 ACT II.— SCENE I. 
 Eigyptiau Ruins ia the Valley of the IVile. 
 
 Esypitan Herdsmeji and Peasantry discovered' 
 
 CYlOmj^—iBodwell.) 
 
 Ul ! ul ! ul ! our hearts are full 
 Of grief tills fine May morning, 
 The Dragon's got a prize, this lot 
 Poor people's daughters scorning. 
 Ul : ul ! ul ! that Fate should cull 
 The flower of Egypt's fair, O ! 
 A precious row the Sultan now 
 ^^'ill kick up in Grand Cairo ! 
 
 Enter Q.niLRijY.\ Wag, l, h. 
 
 Cha. Yiiir pardon, good ladies and gentlemen all, 
 
 May i ask why so loudly you keep up the bawl? 
 I'm a straneer, you see — just arrived — not a native, 
 So I beg you'll be candid and communicative. 
 Her. Why where could you drop from, I should like to 
 know ? 
 If you yet have to leain the sad cause of our woe ; 
 Did you never hear tell of the terrible Dragon, 
 Whom no mortal ever as yet put a gag on ? 
 Por many long years th« detestable glutton, 
 Out of flocks of our sheep took his large chops of 
 
 mutton ! 
 Then pounced on our shepherds, till scarce you'd 
 
 a man see. 
 And now to our maidens he has taken a fancy; 
 And thinks nothing forsooth, worthy his mastica- 
 tion, 
 But the daintiest fair he can find in the nation. 
 Cha. I'm astonished — not at your alarm— or your haste. 
 But to think that a Dragon should have such good 
 
 taMt'I 
 For if 1 were a cannibal, such as this blade is, 
 I should certainly preference give to the ladies; 
 B'li can't you find some one, for love or for cash. 
 Who could manage to settle this epicure's hash ''.
 
 24 
 
 Her. Not a soul — so by lots, the poor lasses grow thinner, 
 For a damsel, per diem, he has for his dinner ; 
 And what now encreases the nations distress, 
 The lot has to-day fallen on the Princess, 
 Fair Sabra, the Sultan's sole darling and jewel — 
 Cha. Delighted to hear it [all express surprise] 
 
 Don't fancy me cruel ! 
 For her Highness, believe me, I'm liuly concernerl, 
 But the way of the world, by experience I've 
 
 learned. 
 Tnis plague, might have fasten'd your poor human 
 
 kind on, 
 And maidens have murmured, but still have been 
 
 dined on ; 
 But now the shoe pinches the sultan's own poppet. 
 Depend on it, means will be soon found to stop it. 
 Her. But the Sultan himself of the Dragon's in fear — 
 Cha. Well ! I'm happy to say that I know some one 
 here. 
 Who has no dread of any monstrosity living. 
 And will soon put an end to this shocking mis- 
 giving ! 
 Her. Your name, sir, pray permit me to enquire — 
 Cha. Your humble servant, Charley Wag, Esquire. 
 
 Charley Wag. 
 AIR. — A Master I have. 
 
 A master I have and I am his man, 
 Galloping fearing none ; 
 A master I have and I am his man, &c. 
 To put down the dragon he'll hit on a^^plan, 
 And tickle his toby if any one can, 
 With a scaly, maily, taily, gaily, 
 Spiry, fiery, wingery, springery, 
 Gobbling greedy one. 
 
 From England we came by the overland mail, 
 Waghorny quickly done ; 
 
 From England we came by the overland mail, &c. 
 Where the sign of a dragon turns nobody pale ; 
 But simply inspires a thought of pale ale 
 With its whisky, frisky, worky, jerky, 
 Hoppery, poppery, spittery, bittery, 
 Frolicking frothy fun.
 
 25 
 
 •But St. George Is the foe of oppression and guile, 
 
 Galloping^ fearing none ; 
 
 But St. George is the foe of oppression and guile, &c. 
 
 His name alone gives them a fit of the bile, 
 
 And his cannon before has been heard on the Nile, 
 
 With a haily, saily, navy, gaily. 
 
 Battering, shattering, sticking 'em, licking 'em, 
 
 Gallant and glorious one ! 
 
 So " cheer up my boys, 'tis to glory we steer," 
 
 Going it dingery dong ; 
 
 •' To add something more to this wonderful year. 
 
 Stop ! hang it — I've somehow got wrong. 
 
 Those are not the right words I'm sure to this air ; 
 
 But they mean what I mean, so perhaps, you won't care, 
 
 In a jingling, chiming, crambo, rhyming. 
 
 Battery, clattery, what can it mattery, 
 
 Charley Wag sort of a song. 
 
 Her. Haste with these hopes to chase the Sultan's blues! 
 
 [^Herdsmen exeunt, * u. 
 Cha. Here comes St. George ! 
 
 Enter St. George, l. h. 
 
 Cha, Well, Charley, what's your news f 
 
 Cha. Sir, there's a job for you, just in your way, 
 A beauty to assist, a beast to slay. 
 
 St. Geo. I mean to do it — I have heard the tidings, 
 And hope to give the soundest of all hidings 
 To this vile Dragon, to whose breath pestiferous. 
 The Serpeiitine comparpd is odoriferous! 
 
 Cha. The victim shortly to her fate they'll lead on. 
 
 She's much too nice for such a brute to feed on. 
 
 St. Geo. The temptin,? morsel from his jaws I'll snatch, 
 Out of his wicked will, himself I'll scratch I 
 Go, for the dragon, keep a look out bright, 
 And let me know the moment he's in sisiht; 
 In the mean while, fair Sabra I will talk with. 
 
 [Exit. 
 
 Cha. And off, no doubt, eventually walk with ; 
 
 We'll pick off to London the dragon, when stufT'd 
 He'll iTiake as good gape seed as ever was puff'd. 
 And m>re worth a shilling to see than one half 
 Of the sights, which they gull with poor Johnny 
 Bully calf.
 
 26 
 
 Charley Wag. 
 AIR. — such a day. 
 O such a town, such a wonderful metropolis, 
 With mysteries and miracles all London teems ; 
 Humbug has there pjot the snuggest of monopolies, 
 Everything is anything, but what it seems. 
 You sleep upon an iron bed and fancy it a feather one. 
 You think your ceilings carved in oak — why, bless you, 
 
 it's a leather one ; 
 Your marble mantle-piece turns out of slate, if you're a 
 
 scrubber, sir. 
 And paving ston >s are made of wood, or else of india 
 
 rubber, sir O such a town, &c. 
 
 O such a town, such a classical metropolis, 
 Tradesmen common English scorn to write or speak ; 
 Bond Street's a forum — Cornhill is an acropolis. 
 For every thing's in Latin, now, but what's in Greek. 
 Here is a Pantechnicon, and there is an Emporium, 
 Your shoes are " antigropelos,' your boots of " pannus- 
 
 corium ;" 
 " Fumi-porte chimney-pots," " Eureka shirts" to cover 
 
 throats, 
 Idrotobolic hats, and patent aqua-scutum over coats. 
 O such a town, &c. 
 
 O such a town, such a picturesque metropolis, 
 Taste is polychromical ft)r painting wild ; 
 Fresco's for peers and art-unions for the populace, 
 Schools where young designers learn to draw it mild. 
 Dioramas, Cosmoramas, Cycloramas, charming ones, 
 Mississippi Panoramas, four miles long — alarming ones ! 
 A national collection, where they ni.'ver ask a fee at all. 
 Besides the Vernon Gallery, a sight no one can see at all. 
 O such a town, &c. 
 
 O such a town, such a musical metropolis, 
 
 'Mid so many bubbles surely some must squeak ; 
 
 Two Italian Operas — one, over safe to topple is, 
 
 Shilling concerts — shilling balls, and Poses Plastiques 
 
 Ethopian Serenaders, Infantine Precocities, 
 
 Samuel Halls in Cyder Cellars, growling black atrocities ; 
 
 Every public-house allowed to clatter keys and twiddle 
 
 strings 
 Whilst the poor old English drama sits and frets herself 
 
 herself to fiddle strings. 
 
 O such a town, &c. [Exit.
 
 27 
 
 Mask. Enter Guards, u.e.r. nilh the Princess Sabra — 
 thei/ attach her to one of the pillars of the ruined temple, 
 and Exeunt, e.u.e. Re-enter St. George, l,. crosses to r. 
 
 Sab. Was ever Princess in so sad a scrape? 
 
 Were I unbound, I'm bound not to escape. 
 Come quickly death, put up poorSabra's hatchment 
 Victim of this unfortunate attachment. 
 
 St. Geo. Despond not, damsel, for St. George am I, 
 Beneath this sword, jour scaly foe shall die. 
 My flag has floated Alexandria o'er, 
 And Aboukir has heard my cannon roar. 
 
 St. George. 
 
 AIR. — British Gi-enadiers. 
 
 This flag at Alexandria 
 
 Was borne through victory's cheers, 
 
 ^Mien sallant Abercrombie led 
 
 The British Grenadiers ! 
 
 And it waved above a hero, 
 
 To England still more dear, 
 
 In the thundering row-de-dow-row-de-dow! 
 
 In the Bay of Aboukir. 
 
 Sab. Will you espouse my cause? 
 
 St. Geo. Aye, if I may so. 
 
 And after you. 
 
 Sab. You're very kind to say so, 
 
 But when the dragon comes, and breathes his flame, 
 Displays the claws with which he'll urge his claim, 
 I fear you'll very disagreeable find it. 
 
 St. Geo. I'm a stout Utile fellow and don't mind it. 
 
 St. George. 
 
 AITX.— When the Lads of the Village. 
 
 A\Tien the dragon I've tickled so merrily, ah ! 
 
 (Whose behavour's uncommonly wrong) 
 I vow unto thee, that verily, ah ! 
 Verily, ah — verily, ah — verily, ah ! 
 
 Thou and I shall be married ere long. 
 Yea, as soon as the brute who my dear would devour, 
 
 Unmistakeably brown shall be done ; 
 Let thy Mameluke daddy look ever so sour, 
 lu the church we'll be shortly made one. 
 ^^'hen the dragon, &c.
 
 28 
 
 He-enter Chaeley, u. e. b. 
 Cha. He's coming. 
 Sab. What, the dragon ? 
 
 Cha. I believe yoH, 
 
 And such a dragon, sir, I don't deceive you, 
 When I assure you he's the funniest fellow, 
 A sort of green and yellow Punchinello, 
 Flapping about his queer shaped legs and wings. 
 As if his body were all full of springs. 
 Now up on four legs, now on two he prances. 
 And now a sort of college hornpipe dances. 
 Whilst up beneath his arm his tail he twitches, 
 As sailor's on the stage their little switches. 
 To me he's more amusing than alarming, 
 I've no doubt if he chose, he could be charming. 
 Si. Geo. Here is the fiddlestick shall make him caper 
 To a new tune ! Oh, thou unthinking gaper, 
 Because crime gambols folly's garb beneath, 
 You laugh and do not heed his claws and teeth I 
 This dragon is the foulest fiend on earth, 
 Of pestilential sophistries the birth. 
 License (the name by which he's sometimes known) 
 Poisons the people, undermines the throne. 
 Assumes of liberty the glorious dres?. 
 Degrades the muses and pollutes the press- 
 Never may England suffer from it's rage! 
 St. George against it endless war shall wage, 
 This loyal sword shall the vfle traitor slay, 
 Or drive him, howling, from the realms of day! 
 Cha. Gad, there's no nonsense about my young master; 
 He means to fight wlien he throws up his castor. 
 Rogues must look out when England lays about her> 
 I don't know what the world would do without her 
 Sab. The dragon's here ! 
 St. Geo. Fear nothing gentle maid, 
 
 Let him come on ! 
 Cha- Yes, damme, who's afraid. 
 
 [ They retire up R. and l. 
 \_Music. Enter the Dragon, u. e. r„ dancing a 
 Hornpipe, he has his tail under his arm, and uses 
 an eye.glass, Sfc. He approaches Sabra, very 
 ■politely bows and is about to attack her, when he 
 is opposed by St. George and Charley, who 
 attack a7id kill him, cutting off his head and tail, 
 S(c. Charley releases Sabra Ahudshoutia 
 hexrd. The Soldan, Guards and People enter r.
 
 29 
 
 St. Geo. Soldan, receive your daughter safe and sound, 
 The dragon fiend lies brealliless on the ground. 
 
 [Two Guards bear of the body of the Dragon 
 headed by Charlev, 2 E. L. 
 
 Sol. And how shall we 3"o«r services repay? 
 
 St. Geo. By this fair hand, which I have won to-day, 
 And a free passage to the Eastern Indies, 
 Where I must go and kick up a few shindies. 
 
 Sol. Indeed ! 
 
 St. Geo. Some friends of mine are there in trouble, 
 
 A wizard with them has been playing double ; 
 He has clapped, according to my last despatches. 
 Two of my knight companions under hatches, 
 Thrown into a mesmeric sort of trance, 
 The gallant champions both of Spain and France, 
 And may more mischief do, if I don't stop him. 
 But let me catch him, and oh won't I whop him, 
 
 SoL Our daughter and our friendship both are yours, . 
 England's alliance Egypt's life insures. 
 Throughout our land to come, to stay, to go, 
 For self and friends the freedom we bestow. 
 
 GLEE.— Red-Cross Knight. 
 Blow, trumpets, blow, and big drums tlmmp. 
 
 And your banners wave on high ; 
 For St. George, he has fought like a slap-up trump, 
 And has won the victory ! 
 Let his praise be sung 
 By old and young. 
 And the feast eat merrily. 
 
 SOLO.— St. Geoege. 
 
 Oh ! I have come from St. George's Fields 
 
 The obelisk hard by. 
 The only device I can bear is my shield's. 
 The Red Cross Knight am I. 
 
 I travelled here by th^; overland, 
 And have won the victory 
 O'er the dragon so divad, 
 Who had otherwise fed 
 On the hope of your family.
 
 so 
 
 CHORUS. 
 
 Tliou'rt welcome here brave Red Cross Knight, 
 
 To cross o'er our Red Sea ; 
 To make free you have sure a right 
 With those whtma you've made free. 
 So all m Grand Cairo shall rejoice 
 That you've won the victory ! 
 And your praise shall be sung 
 By old and young, 
 And the feast eat merrily. 
 
 [Exeuiit SoLDAN, 4"C. 1 and 2 e.r.h. 
 
 SCENE IL 
 
 Bog and Forest near Crow-Patrick, 
 County IBonegall. 
 
 Enter Murphy, u. e. l.. 
 
 Mur. Och, VVinisthru and Philliloo, and all 
 
 The " sthru's" and " loo's," an Irishman can bawl, 
 
 What will I do.'' The country swarms with vermin, 
 
 And how to deal with 'em, I can't determine ; 
 
 They've eaten up my pigs, the dirty creatures, 
 
 And now by d.i(l they've got into the potatoes ! 
 
 Let fly into the darling's mealy faces, 
 
 And given 'em all black eyes in the wrong places • 
 
 If I had anything to eat, the question 
 
 I'm sure would give me quite an indigestion. 
 
 Murphy. 
 AIR. — St. Patnck's Day in the Mominiy 
 A plague on the question it makes such a pother, 
 And settle it seemingly nobody will ; 
 This party jDroposes some measure or other, 
 Which t'other insists upon scorning ; 
 Still they keep talking — -talking, talking — 
 Still they keep talking, talking on. 
 There's no legislation 
 Can stop agitation, 
 And if one goes further, 
 The other cries " murther!" 
 We're worse off than ever — we're ruined, undone ! 
 Will no one determine 
 To kick out the vermin — 
 St. Patrick's day in the morning.
 
 31 
 
 And sure, because I've not enough to fret me, 
 The girls, the devils, they alone won't let me ; 
 And not content with our own colleen oges, 
 Fate's sent a lot of foreigneering rogues. 
 A whole half-dozen on the coast jist landed, 
 A band of Hussey's that would be husbanded. 
 Playing at hop-scotch after some young Scot, 
 Who did— I don't know where— I don't know 
 
 what ; 
 Bat after changing them from some foul shapes. 
 Changed his own mind and left them to lead apes. 
 St. Andrew, faith, they call him, serve 'em right, 
 St. Patrick was the boy for them to fight ; 
 Sure he'd have never left, but loved a score of 'em, 
 If their ould mother had had any more of 'em. 
 
 MuBPHT. 
 
 AIR. — Savoumeen deelish. 
 
 O aad was the hour when St. Andrew departed, 
 And left six poor maidens with hearts fit to crack, 
 'Twas said in a steamer for Ireland he'd started. 
 So after him hither they sailed in a smack. 
 At first they thought sooner in Scotland they'd find him 
 But a wise man declared, and implored them to mind him : 
 When the banks of the Tweed he had once left behind hira, 
 'Twas seldom a Scotchman was known to go back. 
 
 ATR.—Paddi/ O'Rafferty. 
 
 But before they'd come here they had better gone back 
 
 again. 
 For its taken to steer, he has, on a new tack again ; 
 It's a bitterish pill, and they're crying " O, lack !" again, 
 But its " Fly away, Gill," after '• Fly away, Jack,'' again ! 
 Up in a hurry their traps they must pack again, 
 Off they must scurry on board theii- old smack again, 
 If they have luck they may hit on his track again. _ 
 If not the poor ducks on a pond may go quack agam. 
 Hi tol tooleroloo, &c. 
 
 [Shrieks and cries of Help ! help ! 2 E. i. h 
 
 Mur. Murder in Irish! what's this hubbaboo? 
 The foreign females in an Irish slew ! 
 A prey to wild men of liie woods.
 
 32 
 
 [Hurried Music—Enter Six Wild Men dragmng the simr 
 daughters of t'le King of Thrace^ 
 
 L • Leave go I 
 
 T ^ Ye villains ! wigs upon the green, here ! ho ! 
 
 [Music— He attacks the Wild Men and is getting 
 the worst of it luhen 
 
 Enter Saikt Patrick, u. e. e. 
 
 St. Pat. St. Patrick to the rescue ! 
 
 [He slajs and heats the Wild Men off. 
 
 Mar. _ Eh! what's that? 
 
 St. Patrick ! By the powers, you have come pat ! 
 Oh! i.idies, laiies, down upon your knees, 
 And help me bless St. Patrick/if you please. 
 [They hieel] 
 
 St Pat. Nay, my good fellow, little have I done — 
 
 Star. L ttle ! you've kilt the blackguards every one ! 
 
 M. Pat, Little, I mean, to what I hope to do, 
 Of Erin's troubles these are but a few ; 
 I came the Emerald Isle of all to clear, 
 That keep her foes in hope, her friends in fear : 
 Out of the srass I'll hunt the cunning snake, 
 That lives i:pon the mischief he can make. 
 Drive from llie sunny bank the fierce black adder, 
 Tfiat stings half frantic men to make them madder 
 Banish the bloated toad that fat has grown. 
 Squatting upon the peasant's cold hearth-stone : 
 And from the poor patch of the cultivator, 
 Chase the devouring aphis devastator I 
 
 Mur. Kick out tlie serpents and restore the murphies ! 
 Oh ! you'll be blest wherever bog or turf is. 
 Sir, if a clearance at that rate is made, 
 It will be something like a rate in aid. 
 
 aS^. Pat. And you, fair st'anger, if you've no objection. 
 To place yourselves beneath my poor protection ; 
 I know the object of your visit here. 
 And when I've seen this coast of evil clear 
 I'll with you seek the brave St. Andrew out, 
 The cautious Scot concealed from all his route • 
 But I suspect he's gone to Tartary, 
 Where two brave knights in magic slumber lie. 
 This four-leaved shamrock by its power shall do. 
 Justice to Ireland first, and then to you.
 
 33 
 
 St. Patrick. 
 
 AIR. — The Four-leave I Shamrock. 
 I've found the Four-leaved Shamrock, 
 
 And with its holy spell ; 
 I'll clear of vermin venomous, 
 
 The laud I love so well. 
 The pi igue that poisons all her foo(', 
 
 Its virtue shall destroy, 
 And Erin's honest heart again 
 
 Beat high with love and joy : 
 For so I'll play the enchanters part, 
 
 And scatter bliss around, 
 That not a thing to wound or sting, 
 
 Shall in the isle be found. 
 
 u. E. L. 
 Mur. Justic to Ireland ! Bannag'ier that's beating, 
 
 Ladies, I hope and trust you don't mind waning. 
 St. P,jtrick is a gentleman, good luck to him. 
 And sticks at nothing to serve those who've stuck 
 to him. 
 
 Murphy. 
 AIR.— 5^ Patrick uas a Gentleman. 
 
 St. Patrick is a gentleman, 
 
 And conies of decent people, 
 
 He'll build a church in Dublin town. 
 
 And on it put a steeple. 
 
 His father is a Callaghan, 
 
 His mother is a Brady, 
 
 His uncle is an OoUaghaun, 
 
 And his aunt is an O'Grady. 
 
 So blessings on St. Patrick's fist. 
 
 For he's our champion Saint O ! 
 
 He'll give the snakes and toads a twist, 
 
 He's a beauty without paint O ! 
 
 AIR.— ^/i2/e Gazins on the Mooris light. 
 And Faith, the whiles I'm talking, 
 Ye see the fun has just begun — 
 The snakes and toads he's walking 
 Out fast as iver they can run. 
 Out wid ye — I bid ye — 
 Too long you've bothered Erin, dear ; 
 St. Patrick knows a trick 
 Worth two of that ye'd play hhu here.
 
 34 
 
 Gat into tlie Bay of Galloway, 
 For really you can't compete with him ; 
 And give the great Sea Serpent pray, 
 My compliments — if you meet with him ! 
 
 [The reptiles cross the stage from i.. to R. driven 
 out hy Saint V ajtuck followed by the Prin- 
 cesses and Murphy. 
 
 SCENE TIL 
 
 E^ncbanted Crardeai)^ of ^rsnandine. 
 
 In the centre is a Loadstone Rock, out of which protrudes 
 the hilt of the magic sword. — Dance of Spirits. 
 
 Enter ORMANorNE as the dance concludes. 
 
 Urm. Vanish ! [Exeunt dancers ] enough of revelry at 
 present, 
 Pleasure I've none for bodinws most unpleasant ; 
 But two out of these Seven Champions hated, 
 Have I, as yet, in my " lock-up" located: 
 I am not sate till all the other five. 
 Are in my custody, dead or alive ! 
 My art has raised illusions to distract them. 
 And by this magnet, I may here attract them ; 
 And throw them into the mesmeric sleep. 
 In which St. Denis and St James I keep. 
 At present 1 can do them no more harm. 
 Their christian creed defies each Pagan charm ; 
 Oh ! but for that. I'd make each saint a martyr, 
 And hang St. George up in his own blue garter. 
 
 [.d Spirit rises.] 
 Now, Spirit ! 
 
 Spi. From Thibet, ihe great Cham s court, 
 
 I have hither shot — 
 
 Orm. And what is your report? 
 
 Spi. Bearer of most important news I am, 
 
 Made for his prowess champion to the Cham ; 
 David of Wales, has pledged his knightly word, 
 To try the adventure of the magic sword. 
 
 Orm. Lured by the name, no doul)t, the Cambrian 
 boaster, 
 Beceause for sport, I called it my cheese-toaster ; 
 Well, let him try, into my trap he'll fall. 
 And find this bait, is not the cheese at all. 
 [Harp heard witJiout.]
 
 35 
 
 Hark, to those chords ! they speak the Welchman 
 
 nigh, 
 He'll find some cords much stronger by and bye. 
 [Orm.a_n'di.\e and Spirit retire, v. e. l. 
 
 Enter Saint David andAv Shenkin with a harp. 
 
 St. David. 
 
 AIR. — Jenny Jones. 
 
 I come from the court of the great Kara- Khan, sir — 
 His champion I am, though St. David of Wales — 
 To put out the pipe of an arch necromancer 
 Who fills with his vapours this sweetest of vales. 
 I own that a glance from the Cham's lovely daughter 
 To try tliis adventure put up my Welsh blood ; 
 And as my better half I hope her arms to quarter 
 With those of my ancesters up to the flood. 
 
 Deep in this leafy glen, green as a leek, 
 Tne wizard holds his soirees fantasliques; 
 Plays all his tricks, deprives in one seance, 
 His hapless audience of all clairvoyance. 
 Makes all mankind his victims or his butts. 
 And when he can no longer shuffle — cuts. 
 Deserted now seem these bewildering bovvers, 
 But devils in a bush are all the flowers ; 
 And bent on mischief every branch and bough. 
 Despite of all I will perform ray vow ! 
 Where is the magic sword, whose trenchant blade. 
 Has of the load-stone rock a scabbard made ; 
 And so defies the strength of mortal arm, 
 To draw it forth and break the wizard's charm. 
 Ap She. It is here, look you ! \_pointing to it.\ 
 
 St. Dav. Aye, I see the hilt ! 
 
 It is a wicked weapon, by the gilt ! 
 To give the fiend a handle would be hard, 
 Willi r<lpde so sharp, I must be on my guard ; 
 
 11 pluck it out — if I have any luck. 
 At hast it shall not be for want ot pluck. 
 
 [Attempts to pull out the sword.} 
 Ah! as I seize it, something seizes me, 
 1 sink in slumber ! 
 
 [Sink.s on a couch ivhich moves on u. e. r. h. 
 Orm. [Advancing.] JNabb'd is numbpr tlireel
 
 36 
 
 ^p She. Pless hur and save hur! 
 
 Grm. Change thy human haSit, 
 
 And burrow there with brutes like a welsh rabbit. 
 [Ap Shknkin disappears r. u. e., and a rabbit 
 appears in his place. 
 Work on brave spirits, lure them one by one, 
 Into my toils 'till brown each wight be done ! 
 Through yon arcades again bright armour glances, 
 *Tis Anthony of Italy advances ; 
 The hated spark, who with his nostrum famous. 
 Destroyed that dear old giant. Ignoramus. 
 One of my spirits, in fair Una's shape, 
 He follows blindly and shall not escape ; 
 By beauty's semblance lured, he duty fled, 
 Nothing can save a warrior so miss-led. 
 
 Music — The phantom o/" Una enters pursued by St. 
 Anthony, 2 e. l. 
 
 St. Ant. Una, my love! what means this sudden flight, 
 Why dost thou shun thy true and tender knight? 
 [MusiC'-'The Phantom, paints to t&e sword in the 
 rock. 
 What dost thou mutely point at ? Ah ! a sword ! 
 Plunged in the ground, the sign of old, adored ! 
 By the wild Scythians, and without a doubt. 
 You drew me in here, bat to draw it out. 
 Come forth ! [seizes the handle^ 
 
 What stupor steals my senses o'er ? 
 [//e sinks on bank which moves on from u. e. i. 
 VsA disappears, K aiid Spirit appears in her 
 place. 
 Orm. Featly done phanton [Exit Spirit.] Fast is number 
 four! 
 The charm works well, ha ! what may this forbode, 
 
 [Looking at ring.] 
 Why pales my magic carbuncle, that glowed 
 With joyous fire? Some dangerous combination. 
 Of hostile powers — and lo! in consternation 
 My spirits come ! 
 
 Enter sevei-al Spirits, r. and l. 
 
 Spi. With evil we're beset, 
 
 Three dauntless champions have together met ; 
 St. George, St. Andrew, and St. Patrick, bound 
 By kindred ties, and each for arras renowned :
 
 37 
 
 Singly their valour we should fearful find, 
 
 What power can resist the three combined? 
 Orm. Dissension and distrust between them spread ! 
 Spi. Faction tried that in vain — they struck her dead. 
 Orm. Still in the power of falsehood we are strong, 
 
 Let dire chimeras rise their path along ; 
 
 Siiadows of evil oft will strike alarm, 
 
 When evil's self would fail 1 
 
 Enter St. George, St. Andrew, St. Patbick, with 
 Charley "Wag. 
 
 St Geo. Despair thy charm ! 
 
 Tims in the name of truth the spell I break ! 
 [Pulls the sword out of the rock— thunder an 
 lightning, a chasm opens at the back, sliening 
 a subterraneous vault, into which Orm an dine 
 and Spirits retreat — scene closes. 
 My brave companions from your trance awake ! 
 St. And. They answer not, though 'tis enough to make 'em 
 St. Pat. Perhaps, as I am Irish, I could vake 'em. 
 St Geo. Upon this blade some characters I see ! 
 Cha. Very bad characters they'll surely be ! 
 St. Geo. [reading.'] ".Whilst in the vault seven spirit 
 lamps shall shine. 
 Nought can destroy the power of Ormandine;" 
 Then if they shine much longer 'tis my fault. 
 Into the vault undauntedly I'll vault ! 
 Follow your leader Wag, you 1 shall want! 
 Cha. As long as I can wag, depend upon't. 
 
 [MiLsic — St. George leaps into the vault fol- 
 
 loiced by (^ilvrley. Fiends oppose them with 
 
 fery swords — thei/ force their way through — 
 
 the Fiends attack Saint Andrew awe? Saint 
 
 Patrick, who fight them off as the scene closes. 
 
 SCENE IV. 
 
 1 ault of the Seven Eiamps. 
 
 Music— Enter Ormandine. 
 
 Orm. I have retreated to my last retreat, 
 
 My arts can neither terrify norclieat I 
 
 The downright clianipion of the ruby eross. 
 
 How even time to gain I'm at a loss !
 
 38 
 
 For upon all my mean wiles fast he stamps, 
 My only hope is in these spirit lamps ; 
 From which proceed by ignis fatuui fed, 
 All the false lights that have the world misled : 
 Kept in a smoke and smother every nation, 
 And may eventually burn all creation. 
 'Till every one's extinguished fraud may juggle, 
 And against truth continue the old struggle. 
 
 Enter Sr. Geoege, l. I e, 
 
 SU Geo, Then as St. Andrew says, " bide but a wee bit," 
 Magna est veritas et prevalebit. 
 Guided by truth I've threaded this dsrk maze. 
 Tracked your sly steps thro' these intricate ways ; 
 My swords keen edge I know you cannot feel. 
 But there's a power sharper eged than steel. 
 Which can push humbug from his highest stool : 
 Nothing kills quackery but ridicule : 
 Its point is fatal to t''ie boldest cheat. 
 Its aqua fortis bites the counterfeit 
 Its scornful fingers snuff out folly's new lights, 
 And shew iip all pretenders in their true lights; 
 Forward, brave Wag, and with burlesque and 
 
 whim, 
 Douse of this artful dodger, every glim. [Exit l. 
 
 Enter Chabley Wag, l. 
 
 Chabley Wag. 
 
 CHAUXT AD lABlTMlsL— Alteration. 
 
 Well, with which to begin — it don't matter a pin, 
 
 For they're all much in the same situation : 
 
 But perhaps this of Italy — flaring-up bitterly, 
 
 Is the most likely to cause a conflagration, 
 
 So out that goes pop — and to Spain next we hop, 
 
 Where there's smoke enough to smother the whole nation, 
 
 And keeps the poor people in such confusion, 
 
 That one day under an extraordinary delusion 
 
 They actually kicked out their nearest diplomatic relation, 
 
 What might have caused an alteration — an alteration, 
 
 A very deplorable alteration.
 
 39 
 
 And now -we advance to our lively friend France . 
 Who has lately undergone so much transformation — 
 That to say whether she stands on her heels or her hands 
 Is an answer she really might not be able to give without 
 
 considerable consideration — 
 But we've nothing to do with it — and so I'll not trouble 
 
 you with it — 
 But extinguish, I hope, in each nation 
 Every sort of desire — to kindle any fire 
 Except that of a generous emulation, 
 "WTiich will be an alteration — an alteration — 
 A very capital alteration ! 
 
 As to England, Scotland and Wales, such very good feel- 
 ing prevails, 
 
 That to put out the little farthing rush lights of fermen- 
 tation 
 
 That left on their shelves — would go out of themselves. 
 
 Is really almost an act of supererogation. 
 
 But there is one more — the spirit lamp at next door, 
 
 Which keeps the whole kingdom in such a state of in- 
 flammation. 
 
 That if I have but the wit to put out that — you'll atlmit 
 
 I am more up to snuff than any former administration ; 
 
 For it will make an alteration — an alteration — 
 
 A most desirable alteration ! 
 
 And hark ! — by that token ! — the speU is now broken. 
 So to finish this rather long-winded oration, 
 I have only to request, as we really have all done our best 
 To add to your amusement and edification. 
 Then when, as I mean, I change to the last scene, 
 ^\^lich, 1 tliink, you will own is a gorgeous decoration. 
 You'll be kind enough to say, in your usual good- 
 natured way, 
 That the scenery, by Mr. Beverley, 
 Has been painted very cleverly — 
 And that the piece, taken altogether, meets with your 
 
 full approbation, 
 P\jr in your favor we don't want any alteration — altera- 
 tion — 
 Xo — not an atom of alteration. 
 
 [Js he puts out the last lamp — thunder — and 
 Okmanuine sinks.
 
 40 
 Tlie Camp of Ifie Seven Champions. 
 
 [Grand Tablmu of St. George and the Dragon 
 The other Champiom ranged under their ban- 
 ners, attended by Kniglits^ Ladies, See. during 
 the chorus Fame rises over St. George. 
 
 CHORUS. 
 FliSTALE— Z)r?<»i Polka. '. / , 
 
 Bid the gallant champions, hail ! -»^ •*• / ^ . i 
 'Wlio have strurrnled well and lono- \* 
 
 In the cause that should prevail — 
 Truth and right, 'gainst fraud and wrong ! 
 Laurels they have oft before, 
 FairJy gathered in youi* sight ; 
 Let them gain one laurel more, 
 By a triumph here to-night. 
 
 S. G Fail-brother, Printer, 31, Bow St., Covent Garden.
 
 THESEUS 
 
 AND 
 
 '1 
 
 ARIADNE: 
 
 OR, THE MARRIAGE OF BACCHUS. 
 
 A CLASSICAL EXTRAVAGANZA, 
 By J. R. PLANCHE, Esq. 
 
 AUTHOR OF 
 
 Fortunio ; The Fair One with the Golden Locks ; The White C»t 
 
 Beauty and the Be:ist; The Sleeping Beauty; Graciosa and 
 
 Percinet; The Birds of Aristophanes; The Holden 
 
 Fleece ; The Invisible Prince ; The 
 
 Uolden Branch, &c. 
 
 Correctly Printed from the Prompt Boob , with Exits, 
 Entrances, &,c. 
 
 FIRST PERFORMED AT THE 
 
 T II U 11 S D A Y, M A R C II 2nd, 1848. 
 LONDON : 
 
 PUBLISHED BY S. G. FAIRBROIHER, BOW STREET, 
 
 AND W. STRANGE, P ATKUN OSTER ROW; 
 
 SOLO ALSO BY G. BERGER, HOLYWELL STREET, STRVND 
 
 C. HARRIS, BOW STREET ; WISEHEART, DUBLIN ; 
 
 AND ALL BOOKSKLLERS. 
 
 PRICE ONE SHILLING
 
 DRAMATIS PERSON iE. 
 
 
 
 IMMORTALS. 
 
 Bacchus, 
 
 _ 
 
 Mr H. HALL 
 
 Cupid, 
 
 - 
 
 Miss MARSHALL 
 
 Pan, 
 
 . 
 
 Mr H. MARSHALL 
 
 Silenus, 
 
 ■ 
 
 Mr MUCK LOW 
 
 Diana, 
 
 - 
 
 Miss MARTIXDALE 
 
 Dancing Fauns, 
 
 f Mr GILBERT 
 ' I Mr MARSHALL 
 
 Bacchante, 
 
 " 
 
 Miss BALLIN 
 GREEKS. 
 
 Theseus, 
 
 . 
 
 Madame VESTRIS 
 
 Dadalus, 
 
 - 
 
 Mr CHARLES MATHEWS 
 
 Officer, 
 
 - 
 
 Mr BURT 
 
 CRETANS. 
 
 Minos II. (Khig of Crete) Mr S. SMITH 
 Ariadne,/ his i Miss KATHLEEN FITZWILLIAM 
 VhcB^ta^X Daughters S Miss J. COLEMAN 
 
 The Minotaur, - - Mr F, COOKE
 
 THESEUS AND ARIADNE 
 
 ACT I. 
 
 Scene 1.— THE SEA-SHORE, 
 
 Enter D^idalus, u. e. l. 
 
 Deed. My gentle Public — one word in your ear: — 
 I come incog. — for I have much to fear. 
 In former times ray name was very famous ; 
 I'm Daedalus — the son of Eupulamus. 
 To me mechanics owe one half their tools, 
 Their axes, wedges, wimbles, levels, rules. 
 Don't be alarmed, though whatj say is true, 
 I came not hiiher to make tools of you. 
 I only think it right the fact to mention, 
 The sails of ships were also my invention. 
 And one day, for a freak, by dint of stitches, 
 I made myself this paT of .>.atiu — wiiich is 
 A novelty in dress —the Greeks can't bear 'em. 
 But times may comewhen e'en our wives will wear 'em 
 And amongst other very useful tilings, 
 I made myself this pretty pair of wings ; 
 By means cf which I 'scaped a king tyrannical, 
 Who found my genius for him too mechanical. 
 I mean old INlinos heie — the King of Crete, 
 \Vhom for a hundrt-d pounds 1 wocld'nt meet— 
 Except in this disguise — in which, I doubt 
 If my own mother v\ould know that 1 was out. 
 But here I am — 'lis fit that you should know it. 
 At the request of the poor tromlilintj poet. 
 Just to explain in the old classic way, 
 The more intricate portions nf his pl^iy. 
 For of the Labyrinth you'll lieie inspect, 
 I was the celehraied architect; 
 And if unguided (hronijh its windinsr ways. 
 You might be all left leal'y in a mHze! 
 So at great risk--- for INI nos would for ceitai ', 
 Hang, if he caught me ht^re hehind the curtain — 
 I've come to do » ioure 1 did lieiore,
 
 When off, the Golden Fleece, Medea bore 
 Another aolden prize she since has gained, 
 And on a Golden Branch her fame sustained. 
 Again she hopes to hear you own she's won 
 The great gold medal given by you for Fun. 
 So of our story just the heads I'll through go, 
 And from your memories rub the classical erugo. 
 
 SONG. — " I remember, I remem,ber." 
 
 You remember, you remember,when you read Ovidius Naso, 
 A seeond Minos ruled in Crete, who had his cruel way so, 
 That on such terms he forced the poor Athenians to treat 
 The major part, with all their hearty wished he was minus 
 
 Crete. 
 You remember, you remember, this at school you will 
 
 allow. 
 If you don't — pray just remember that you don't forget it 
 
 now 
 
 You remember a fine labyrinth I built him for his sport. 
 Yuu may have seen one if you've been as far as Hampton 
 
 Court. 
 A monster he kept in if, who was called the Minotaur, 
 And half a man and half a bull, was reckoned quite a bore. 
 You remember, oh I'm sure you do, all this you'd to 
 
 translate, 
 From Ovid's Metamorphoses, in Fable 2, Book 8. 
 
 You remember the Athenians then, to such despair Fate 
 
 drove 'em, 
 That they agreed each year to feed this " semi viruraque 
 
 bovem.'' 
 Seven fine young men, seven nice young maids, 'twas 
 
 quite enough to tire 'em — 
 Consigned per annum to the jaws of this " semi bovemque 
 
 virum." 
 You remember the quotation — 'tis from Ovid as before, 
 You'll find it in his Art of Love, Book 2 verse 24. 
 {A Ship appears in sight ) 
 
 WTeU — there's the ship put, up for sail, that passes the 
 
 next lot. 
 And in it comes young Theseus — but stop, here begins 
 
 the plot, 
 And Minos on the pier appears to see the victims land, 
 Whence arise misundi.istaiidings> which I hope you'll 
 
 understand.
 
 For remember, I've remembered thus far to remember yo u 
 If you don't, you must remember — I can't iind you me- 
 mory too. 
 
 [The scene moves, and the coast of Crete, with Pharos Sea- 
 port, Palace, and other buildin is gradually appear ; the quay 
 crowded with people, guards S^c. Misos seattd. surroundid 
 by his court. At the same lime the ship, which has passed 
 over the back of the stage, enters the harbour, and Theseus, 
 with six other Grecian youths and seven Grecian girls, are 
 landed in charge of an cfficcr. 
 
 CHORUS. {Lombardi.) 
 
 On our shore see the victims are landing, 
 Athens sends us her tribute again. 
 For his food 
 To the monster her sons over-handing 
 In return for Androgens slain. 
 Very good. 
 Of our custonis no doubt they are haters, 
 
 Thus in bond to be seen hurts their pride, 
 And though envying e'en our tide-waiters, 
 They had rather be vt-aiters untied, 
 So they would. 
 
 Officer, l. c. Oh, son of great Lycastes ! hail and reign ! 
 To teed your monster, Athens once again 
 In duty bound commands me here to render 
 Seven lovely virgins, warranted most tender, 
 And seven nice young men — for a small party, 
 On whom, no doubt, he'll make a dinner hearty ! 
 
 yiinos. R. H. Let him alone for that — he'll soon begin it; 
 Tliese %vill be eaten boys in half a minute ; 
 And these df-ar little ducks be pretty pickings — 
 
 The. [liid from view by Grecian i/oulhs.] Before they're 
 hatched 'tis wiong to c<mnt one's chickens. 
 
 Mia. Whose voice was that? Wliat slave is so facetious? 
 
 Off So please your majesty, it's Master Theseus. 
 
 SJiii. Who's he when he s at home? So much presumption 
 Argues a lamentable lack of gumption, 
 
 Off. Dread King, he is the son of old Egeus. 
 By Ethra, daughter of the sage Piltheus. 
 Who from great Pelops — 
 
 Miti. Bother Pelops ! — say 
 
 How fell the lot on this young fellow, eh? 
 
 The. [enter u. e. r.] It didn't fall — I came a volunteer I
 
 8 
 
 Min. A volunteer ! — There must be something queer^ 
 
 I should imagine, in his upper story. 
 
 [To The.] On what fool's errand cam'st thou hither ? 
 The. Glory 1 
 
 Min. An errand many a fool before has run of; 
 
 And one that I have ceased to see the fun of. 
 
 When a young soldier I had just your view of it, 
 
 But an old soldier knows a trick worth two of it ! 
 
 Answer distinctly, what was it brought you here — 
 
 What did you come for to go for to do here ? 
 The. Relieve from this poll-tax a groaning nation 
 
 And in Greek bonds defeat your speculation. 
 Min. Indeed ! — and how? 
 The. By literally taking 
 
 The bull by the horns ; my life gainst his beef, staking. 
 Alin. To use a common phrase, I am afraid 
 
 'Twill be the greatest beefsteak you e'er made ; 
 
 But you shall have a speedy opportunity 
 
 Of trying — and if you scape wiih impunity — 
 
 Say that this Minos is no judge, whate'er 
 
 The other Minos may be — you know where. 
 The. My brave companions! — partners of my toil, 
 
 My feelings and ray fame ! — The sport, I'll spoil 
 
 Of this inhuman bull in human shape, 
 
 And get you all out of this ugly scrape. 
 
 With this good arm I'll bravely tussle for you ; 
 
 " Tliere'slifein a mussel !" — and here's muscle for you- 
 Mi7i. Off to the station-house with every sinner. 
 
 Until the Monster rings his bell for dinner! 
 
 AIR. — Minos. — {IVon piu'andrai.) 
 
 I've no doubt you're a famous bull-baiter, 
 But no man ever made a bull greater. 
 Say, good bye, to your Pater and Mater, 
 For you'll never see them any more ; 
 Taken to the Monster's s'ation, 
 For his special mastication. 
 Though you may be very brave, I 
 Think you soon wi;l cry '-peccavi," 
 Introduced to the Minotaur, he 
 VVill assuage your thirst for glory. 
 Now upon the horns a fixture, 
 Of this man and Oxford mixture, 
 Now in air ungraceful sprawling — 
 Now to earth a jelly falling.
 
 9 
 
 Til] having beaten hollow yoo, 
 And finding more to follow you. 
 He'll condescend to swallow you, 
 As the Red Cow did lom Thumb ! 
 
 Chorus. 
 ^ Go,'' my boy, " where glory waits you," 
 Since for glory here you come I 
 [Exeunt Minos, Guards, |-c. h. h, Theseus, Captves 
 and Officer, l. h. 
 
 Enter D.5;dalus, u. e. l. 
 Dad [advancing} I'm sure it gieatly would distress the 
 ladies 
 Should such a brave young m-in dance off to Hades. 
 To a bull's-horn galop — or make a feast 
 For any such a monstrous nasty beast. 
 But there's a friend at court, or I'm mistaken, 
 Who'll go the total hog to save his bacon. 
 Fair Ariadne — the king's eldest daughter, 
 Was at her window, and by Jove he's caught her. 
 
 Enter. Cupid, u. e. r. 
 Cup- R- No, master Dffidalus— 'twas not by Jove. 
 Deed. L. Discovered ! 
 Cup. Don't be frightened— 'tis but Love. 
 
 Who, though called blind, sees all disguises through. 
 Deed. Il is young Love ! — old fellow, how d'ye do ? 
 
 You won't betray me'! 
 Cup- When was love a traitor ? 
 
 Dced.Ohl when ?~1 1 ike that!— 
 (jiip Sir, I am a hater 
 
 Of anything like treason. Love is Truth 
 
 If man be false, am I to blame forsooth. 
 
 Tis fancy, and not Love, that makes him so. 
 Deed- Well, there's no arguing with Love, I know. 
 
 But what of Theseus ? 
 Cup- Why this, you stupid, 
 
 ' Pwas not by Jove he caught the wench — but Cupid 
 
 He is a great pet willi my mother, Venus, 
 
 And to protect him we are bound, between us, 
 
 I count upon your aid. 
 Z)(Pd. O" mine ! — the deuce ! 
 
 But, if you thiuk that I can be of use — 
 Cup- Lo! Ariadne comes with hei fair sister. 
 Deed. But— 
 Cup. No buts— Love's despotic ! [Retires l. h.
 
 10 
 
 Enter Ariadne and Phcedra, 2 e. r. h. 
 
 Art. [to D^DALus.] Here! — you Mister— 
 
 I don't know what's your name— you in the cloak. 
 
 Dad. L. c. I beg your pardon — I believe you spoke — 
 
 Ari. R. c. And rightly you believe - I spoke to you. 
 Oh, tell me, and in pity tell me true ! 
 Who is the leader of that wretched band 
 Walked offin custody along the Strand ? 
 
 D(Sd. His royal highness the Prince Theseus ! 
 
 Art Alas! his fate has rendered most uneasy us. 
 
 Is there no way to snatch him from (he danger? 
 Forgive me — I'm aware you're quite a stranger — 
 But there is something in your voice and mien, 
 Which I have never heard, and never seen 
 Before — 
 
 Deed. If quite a stranger — pray how could you ? 
 
 Phce. You. would'nt lend a hand to he'p us— would you ? 
 
 D(Sd. Do you an interest also in him take? 
 
 Phoe. I do — but only for my sister's sake. 
 
 Behold the scalding tears her cheeks that blister, 
 I'm not a sister, would I not assist her! 
 
 Ari. Harkye — you needn't mention it again; 
 Of mighty Minos we're the daughters twain ! 
 And any price you'll put upon your aid. 
 Down on the nail with pleasure shall be paid. 
 
 Deed- To business then. You are in love— 
 
 Art. I own it. 
 
 My heart is gone ; Fate sent that boy to bone it ' 
 
 QUARTETTE.-C^ Life by the Galley Fire.) 
 
 Ariad.ne, Phcedra, D^dalds, and Cupid. 
 
 Ariadne. 
 Oh ! love in my breast a fire 
 
 Is lighting with passion wild, 
 That youth in the Grecian attire 
 
 Exactly suits this child. 
 He looks such a smart young lad. 
 
 And he cast on me such an eye, 
 That I really think I should go mad, 
 
 If the dear little fellow should die. 
 
 Oh! love in my breast a fiie, &c. 
 
 Phcedra, Daedalus, and Cupid. 
 Oh ! love in her breast a fire 
 Is lighting with passion wild.
 
 u 
 
 That youth in the Grecian attire 
 Exactly suits this child, 
 Yes suits, jusl suits, 
 Exactly suits this child. 
 
 D<zd. You couldn't meet a counsellor more meet, 
 To lend a hand at any dextrous feat. 
 A most inventive genius I possess. 
 
 /iri. By your direction, then, prove your address. 
 
 Phce, If of liie labyrinth we had a plan — 
 
 D(Bd. To give you that I am tlie very man. 
 For — *t\vixt ourselves — I made it — 
 
 Both. JMade it ! — you ! 
 
 ^ri. This is indeed important news — if true. 
 
 Dad. Upon my honour I — You are still inciedulous. 
 But, sure as you are alive ma'am, I am Dsedalus. 
 
 Phce. Oh, Jupiter! what wonders come to pass! 
 You Daedalus ! — 
 
 Deed. I had been dead — alas ! 
 
 But for these wings, which bore methrougti the skies ; 
 
 But — apropos of wings— Time also flies. 
 
 And therefore we must seize him by the forelock; 
 
 Here is a key will open any door-lock, 
 
 Bramah— or Chub : next, tur the youth's inspection, 
 
 Here of the labyrinth, the ground plan and section. 
 
 Also a ball of cotton-twist, vvliicli through 
 
 Its winding ways will seive him for a clue. 
 
 And last— this blade, with which, if he have pluck, he 
 
 May first the bull's throat cut, and then his lucky. 
 
 QUARTE TTE. (The Boatman's Dance.) 
 Ariadne, Phcedra, Cupid and D^dalus. 
 Ari. ) With joy we'll dance, with joy we'll sing, 
 Pha. S The brute if he can over fling. 
 Cup. } I never knew a pietty girl in my life, 
 DcBd, \ But she wished to be a hero's wife. 
 
 SOLO. Ariadne. 
 
 Give him but a chance, 
 
 O give but a chance, U. 
 
 He'll takf! a sfght 
 
 At the Bull to-night, 
 
 Aud go home with his pals in the morning. 
 
 TuUi. O ! O ! away he'll row. 
 
 Going down the river in his galley 0.
 
 12 
 
 Scene 2.— A PRISON. 
 Enter Theseus, 2 e. l. h. 
 
 The. How long, I wonder, in this horrid limbo, 
 
 Shall I be left to stand with arms a-kimbo. 
 
 [_Noise of key turning in the lock. The door opens, 
 and Ariadne appears at it.'\ 
 
 They come to lead me to my fate, no doubt. 
 jiri. Are you at home ? 
 
 The. Would I could say — I'm out. 
 
 Ari. You shall say so, whate'er the consequences. 
 The. Mine eyes are made the fools of my other senses, 
 
 Or else worth all the rest !— Ill bet a pony 
 
 You are the girl I saw in the balcony. 
 Ari, I am — and daughter of the king of Creta. 
 The. In Creta never was a cretur sweeter! 
 
 A flood of rapture through my system rushes ! 
 
 Say, is it love that brought you? 
 Ari. Spare my blushes. 
 
 The. No — I could not spare any thing so pretty. 
 Art. I pity you, and love's akin to pity ; 
 
 And I will save you from the monster's jaws. 
 The. Ha! — in your will, honour has stuck her clause. 
 
 I cannot profit by the kind bequest. 
 
 I've sworn to die, or ransom all the rest. 
 Ari. Bat if I brought you means the rest to ransom? 
 The. That would be like yourself — uncommon haudsome. 
 Ari. Take then these a'ticies— mind you don't lose 'em, 
 
 And follow me! I'll tell you how to use 'em. 
 
 Yet stay — one moment — for my heart is beating 
 
 To think this may be our last time of meeting. 
 
 AIR. — Ariadne. (Jeannette and Jeaanot,} 
 
 You'll be going far away when the monster you've upset. 
 And toco from my father I instead of yam shall get. 
 But still I'll think ot you love wherever you may go. 
 Can you look me in the face, and siy the same ? no ! no! 
 When you've killed the Minotaur, and no longer need 
 
 my aid, 
 You'll pretty soon forget the fine speeches that you made. 
 With some lady on your arm, that you left the other si('e, 
 You'll be marching off to church with her, and raakmgher 
 
 your bride. 
 The. By all the gods to whom I am related ; 
 
 iry Neptune, who was once my fAther statsd.
 
 13 
 
 By Venui, svho has always called me her man 
 
 By mighty Hercules, my cousin-german ; 
 
 By Phoebus, to whose shrine 1 dragged for sticking 
 
 The Bull of Marathon alive and kicking ; 
 
 I swear, if out of this scrape you can get me, 
 
 To make you Mrs. Theseus — if you'll let me. 
 
 AlR. — ^Theseus. {Cheer up my oivn Jeannette) 
 
 Cheer up — cheer up — if I'm not eat 
 
 By this mad bull, we'll go 
 To Athens, dear, across the sea 
 
 And there ba spliced you know. 
 And surely you need not be told 
 
 To bear this truth in mind. 
 That if we go together 
 
 You cannot be left behind. 
 
 There's not a girl on Grecian land 
 
 That ever I have seen. 
 Could cut out you, ray pretty pet, 
 
 So kind as you have been. 
 Nor should I care a button, 
 
 Had fate cast the lot on me. 
 To be the monster's dinner, love. 
 
 If ray desert you'd be. 
 
 jlri, [^Aside^ INIeihinks the gentleman protests too much. 
 
 but sure he'll keep his word, if he be such. 
 
 Oh ! yes to doubt the darling were a sin, 
 [Aloud] Come to the labyrinth, go in and win. 
 
 DUO. — Theseus and Ariadne. (Norina.^ 
 
 Then we together will live, will die. 
 
 Hymen's sweet bonds our hearts so tightia ! 
 
 First fighting boldly, then fighting shy. 
 Taking French leave our bark so light in. 
 
 Roused is < i ^ ( Grecian mettle, 
 
 The tough bull's hide to tan. 
 Soon s, > the hash will settle 
 
 Of this wild Oxon man. 
 
 Scene 3.— THE LABYRINTH. 
 Enter Thksecs with the clue, 2. e. l. h. 
 The. Thus far into the middle of the maze. 
 
 Through tliousand doors and thousand winding ways,
 
 14 
 
 I have marched on without impediment, ^, 
 
 And cool as if to go to bed I meant, 
 
 Instead of battle with a monster dread, 
 
 My life, I may say, hanging on a thread. 
 
 So on we goes again — to fear a stranger! 
 
 With such a clue, I cotton to the danger. 
 
 But here I take it does the monster dwell, 
 
 I'll take the liberty to pull his bell. 
 
 If at my ring he will but ope the lock, 
 
 I warrant you he'll answer to my knock. [Rings. 
 
 The Minotaur appears at Gate of Building in the centre. 
 
 Mino. R. c. Hollo ! — what's all this row about, I wonder! 
 
 The. L. c. I've come to call you out. 
 
 Mino. Lightning aud thunder! 
 
 A chap like you tug at my tinlinabulum. 
 And that, too, just when I'm in want of pabulum ! 
 Run, you young dog, before I masticate you. 
 
 The. I'll run at you like a bull-dog and bait you ! 
 " Monstrum horrenduin et informe ingens," 
 Prepare to get the soundest of all swingeings! 
 Beneath my blows this spot you shall expire on, 
 Though your ox-hide may be oxide of iron ! 
 
 Mino. By ox-eyed Juno! this is past belief! 
 
 Come on! — you'll not require two rounds of beef. 
 
 The. I thirst for glory — so look out, Bull-calf, 
 For I shall pitch into your half-and-half! 
 
 Mino. If you pitch— I can toss, as you shall find. 
 
 The. Calve's-head, I win ; — ox-tail you lose — ^behind ! 
 
 DUO. — Theseus and Minotaur, {Haydn's Surprise.) 
 Mino. You another tale shall tell. 
 
 These two horns shall sound your knell, 
 
 And to-s you up, my precious swell, 
 
 Therefore mind your fool's eye! 
 TAe. Short your ox-tail I will cut 
 
 And stave in your occiput. 
 
 Spite of horns you'll be my butt, 
 
 So, sir, mind your bull's eye ! 
 
 [Exeunt Jghiing, r. h. 
 
 'Enter Ariadne, 2 e. l. h. 
 
 Ari By this time the deci^ive blow is struck; 
 Either the monster is by Theseus stuck, 
 Or I have lost my .stake in this sad broil ; 
 Anxiety — thou work'st me to an oil!
 
 15 
 
 So stood Eliza on the wood-crown'd height, " 
 O'er Minden's plains, spectatress of the fight. 
 With this exception — there's no height for me 
 To stand on — so the 'ight I cannot see ! 
 
 AIR. — Ariadne. {My Skiff is on the SAore-) 
 
 I'm going to sea with my gallant Theseus, 
 Down among the Greeks in the Peloponesus, 
 Happy there we'll be, so fond and gay, 
 Courting till the break of day. 
 
 Tra, la, la. 
 
 Our galley's off the shore, there on the sea. 
 Oh! kill the Minotaur, and come with me ; 
 And as we paddle on, my song shall be, 
 None love you better than Ariadne. 
 
 Tra, la, la. 
 
 Enter Theseus, r. h. 
 
 The. B. The tyrannous and blustering bull is dead ! 
 
 And we are free and easy on that head. 
 Ari. c. Victorious and unhurt! — oh. joy of joys! 
 The. Release the other Grecian girls and boys, 
 
 And let us bolt. 
 Ari. To that I'll be no bar — 
 
 But where is Phoedra ? 
 
 Enter Phcedra, l. h. 
 Phae. u Here ! 
 
 there you are. 
 My sister — [introducing her to Theseus] with us we 
 must carry her too. 
 The. [crosses to Phcedra] If you insist on it— ^I'U marry 
 
 her too. 
 Ari. B- By no means ! we will find a spouse in Greece 
 
 for her. 
 The. [iiside] So young— so fair! — my heart will have no 
 peace for her I 
 [Abudl Come ! 
 
 [Enter D.edalus, l. h.] 
 DcRd. Stop ! 
 The. For what ? 
 Dmd. For me- 
 
 The. For you ! 
 
 *^ri Oh — true ; 
 
 This is the gentleman lent me the clue.
 
 16 
 
 The. Indepd ! It served me many a'good turn. 
 And he deserves the others^. May I learn 
 Your pleasure, sir? \_Crosses to Dcsdalus.'] 
 
 Deed. For Athens you'll set sail, 
 
 But in so long a run, your wind may fail ; 
 And I've invented something that will do 
 Instead of wind. 
 
 The. Steam ? 
 
 Dmd. No. 
 
 Vie. What thenf 
 
 Dad. A screw. 
 
 Which throxish the water will with speed propel you. 
 
 The. Zounds! Meptune wont much like that, I can tel! you 
 He's not so fond ofsteam his kingdom through driving. 
 And I suspect he'll never stand your screw-driving. 
 
 Deed. Let him with Eolusno tempests brew; 
 If either grumbles, just put on the screw. 
 Behold, \_Enter Captives, L. h.] from prison I have 
 
 let your crew loose; 
 On board — ere Minos dreams there is a screw loose. 
 
 \Mmic exeunt Theseus, Ariadne, Phcedea, ayid 
 Captives, l. h. 
 
 Enter Cupid, l. h. 
 DUET.— Da;DALUs and Cupid. {Billi/ Taylor.) 
 
 Dcpd. Master Theseus is a brisk young fellow, 
 
 Full of Uiirlh and full of glee. 
 
 But his mind I can discover — 
 
 He'll with Plicedra make too free. 
 Cup. Fiddle, diddle, dee! 
 
 " Make too free." 
 Deed. Ri tol de riddle lol— well you'll see? 
 
 He will break bis first engagement, 
 
 All along of that wench so sly. 
 
 But if it gets wind, his wife '11 dust his jacket 
 
 When she discovers his treachery- 
 Cvp. Fiddle, diddle, di! 
 
 " Treaoherj^! 
 Deed. Ri tol de riddle lol— wont she cry! 
 
 Yes ! when the poor creature she comes for to know 
 of it, 
 
 She'll very much upbraid him for what he has done. 
 ■ And she'll take up with the first lieutenant 
 
 On half pay — that comes under her thumb.
 
 17 
 
 Cup. Fiddle, diddl*^, dum 
 " Under her thumbl" 
 Deed. Well, that rhyme is rather rum ! 
 
 Cup. Well, I'm their Bowswain — so here goes, my boy, 
 To pipe all handy — Winds and Waves, a-hoy ! 
 
 \^Waves his bow and Exits. 
 
 The Scene changes gradually discovering tha 
 
 SEA SHORE. 
 
 Groups of Nymphs. Nereids, Tritons, Sfc. and the 
 
 GALLEY UNDER WEIGH, 
 
 WITH 
 
 Thesecs, Ariadne, PntEofiA, and Cupid on hoard. 
 
 tEND OF THE FIRST ACT.
 
 18 
 
 ACT II. 
 
 Scene -A GROTTO ON THE SEA-SHORE Ix\ THE 
 ISLAND OF NAXOS. 
 
 Enter D^dalus, (r. h.) 
 
 DcB-i. Well, there's nothing like wings — as you'd find, if 
 you wore 'em. 
 Here am 1, in the island of Naxos before 'em. 
 Although, ere I started, they'd cleared out of dock, 
 I'm sure a full hour — " by Shrewsbury clock." 
 That precious young scamp, Master Cupid would go 
 
 with them. 
 And, one way or other he'll tamper, I know, with them 
 Here they come, sure enough, in the captain's own gig. 
 With Cupid for coxswain— and there! — dash my wig! 
 If the rogue isn't poor Ariadne divertinii, 
 While Theseus with Phoedra is shamefully flirting! 
 And then the young villain says— oh, dear ! he never 
 Was guilty of treason! — Well, well, — If I ever! — 
 However: — of mine it's no busiuess — that's clear, 
 Only there'll be a pretty row presently here. 
 And how to ward off, or to heal the dissention, 
 Is something beyond e'en my powers of invention. 
 
 Enter Cupid, r. h. 
 D(Bd, So, my fine fellow— you're at your old game ! 
 Cup. What game ? 
 
 D(Bd. Cross purposes! — Oh, fie for shame! 
 
 To think of shooting Phoedra ! 
 
 Cup. ^°" ^^ *^^*' 
 
 Dmd. I'm much obliged to you— I'd rather not. 
 Cup. If she be wounded, 'twas by accident; 
 
 My bow was not at all on mischief bent. 
 Dcs'l. I wish for her beau I could say as much ! 
 Cup. Besides, I told her not the string to touch. 
 Dmd. Bf'cause you knew she'd then be sure to do it. 
 
 You're a nice boy— I don't think : but you'll rue it. 
 
 And so will Thpseus for his vile ingratitude, 
 
 Fifty degrees out of all decent latitude. 
 Cup. Ingratitude to whom?
 
 19 
 
 Deed. IJis life-preserver! — 
 
 Fair Ariadne, who with so much fervour 
 Loves him. But I will give her warnine. 
 
 Cup. ' Youl— 
 
 You'll sfop the piece, remember, if you do ! 
 
 D(e't. The piece! 
 
 Qjj^p Of course : such inconsiderate chatter 
 
 Would end the plot. 
 Df^d. Ah, that's another matter. 
 
 DUO. — D.EDALUS and Cupid. {Clari.) 
 
 Dai. Little Love you're a mischievous boy, 
 And every one's peace you destroy. 
 I would take you, yog wicked chap you ! 
 If I were your m )ther, and slap you. 
 
 Together. Fal lal de ral, &c. 
 
 Cup. 'Tis false, there is no mischief in me, 
 But all the world wishes to win me, 
 And when by their own fault they lose me. 
 They tliink they can't too much abuse me. 
 
 Together. Tra lal de rail, &c. 
 
 J??2/er Theseus. Ariadne, and Phcedra, r. h. 
 
 The. c. Sweet Ariadne — I am sure you're weary. 
 
 Suppose you take a nap ! 
 Art. R. H. No thank you, deary. 
 
 Phoe. I'm sure you'd better— I'll watch whilst you sleep. 
 The And I with Phocdra company will keep. 
 
 In this deep cave, (crosses to l.h u. e ) dug by no 
 
 mortal hand, 
 I'll spread my paletot for you on the sand. 
 My carpet bag shall that dear head sustain — 
 Phae My victorine shall be your coun'erpane. 
 ^ri. Well— I will do as kindly you advise 
 
 Fo a few moments I'll just shut my eyes. 
 The. [aside'} If to my conduct you'd do so for life 
 I could'nt wi>h for a more ch irming wife. 
 But afie-- marriage, any bet I'll make, 
 The woman will be always wide awake. 
 DUO. — TuESEUs and Auiadne. (Lullaby.) 
 /iri. Softly slumbering near the ocean, 
 Ariadne now will lie; 
 Whil>l lier love will) fond devotion. 
 Soothes her with a lullaby. 
 
 Lullaby, lullaby, kc.
 
 20 
 
 The. Softly slumbering near the ocean; 
 Ariadne now will lie ; 
 Having not the slightest notion 
 Of the dodge I mean to try. 
 
 Lullaby, lullaby, &c. 
 
 The. laside'\ She's fast already — I must not be sLiw. 
 
 [Draicing Phaedra to the front of the stage. 
 
 I've much to say to you. 
 Phm. You don't say so ! 
 
 The. Hush ! — you can guess why hither I have brought her, 
 Phoe. You said you must put in to wood and water. 
 
 And she'd rest here to-night. 
 The. And when go hence ? 
 
 Phm. To-morrow — as she purposes. 
 The. "Nonsense ! 
 
 Oh never shall the sun that morrow see. 
 Phce. What can you mean .'' Is this our home to be ? 
 The. Thy face, my Phcedra, I've but in to look, 
 
 And find ihat it much better suits my book. 
 
 Than Ariadne's. 
 Phoi. Oh, fie ! you can't mean it: 
 
 Or if you do, I wish you'd never seen it. 
 Tke. From the first moment that you met my sight, 
 
 I felt that it was over with me quite ! 
 
 Your image look the place of her's my heart in. 
 
 You're fair as day — she's dark as Day and iVIartin. 
 Phce. Remember, 'tis my sister you are blacking ; 
 
 I ought to blush, but feel the power is lacking. 
 The. Oh, brush with me, and you shall shine in Greece, 
 
 At Athens' highly-polished court ! 
 P/ue. Ah, cease 
 
 To tempt me with this flummery and frippery, 
 
 Young men, all over Greece, must needs be slippery. 
 
 Besides, you haven't known me long enough 
 
 To love me. 
 The' Long enough to love you — jtuff! 
 
 Love's not a flower in a garden plot, 
 
 That must be watered with a watering pot. 
 
 That long preparing for a blow out you see, 
 
 That takes its time to blossom, like Miss Lucy. 
 
 A nod — a wink-»a fresh eye — or a new lip. 
 
 And in a jiffey — there you are my tulip ! 
 
 AIR. — Theseus, {Come o'er the Sea.) 
 Come o'or the sea, 
 Pretty Miss Phce,
 
 21 
 
 Ariadne leave to doze, 
 
 You are my prize 
 
 Your lovely eyes 
 
 Out of joint have put her nose. 
 
 I'll hang or drown, if with me you start not, 
 
 My blessing thou art^ I'm blest if thou art not. 
 
 So coj.e o'er to Ce- 
 
 cropia, with me. 
 
 Ariadne l-ave to doze. 
 
 You are my prize. 
 
 Your lovely ejes 
 
 Out of joint have put her nose. 
 
 Some may think me 
 Rather too free, 
 Talking in this kind of tone. 
 " Hang him, tliey'll say, 
 That's just his way. 
 He never will leave the girls alone." 
 But I can prove tliat I now have done so, 
 For in this island I surely leave one so. 
 
 T!ien come o'er, &c. 
 
 Phce. It is no use ','ainst Lore and Fate to strive! 
 Sweet Theseus ! — I am yours — so look alive. 
 For Athens quickly get your sails unfurled, 
 I'll follow thee, my love, throughout the world. 
 Unhappy sister! — you'll be much offended, 
 To find I've run away with your intended. 
 But search through history, and I suspect 
 You'll find it's classical— though not correct ! 
 
 TAe. Adieu— adieu ! — rov bride 'hat's not to be — 
 ] leave you my paletot and sac-cle-nuit. 
 To other climates my own trunk I bear. 
 And give the sack to one I well can spare ! 
 
 A[ r._Theseus. ( T/'ie Minstrel Boy ) 
 
 Your Grecian boy to his bark is gone. 
 
 When you wake you'll be puzzled to find him. 
 
 To his fuller's court he has cut and run, 
 
 And has left his baggage behind him ; 
 
 And says, " Who likes may marry tliee. 
 
 But I'm for no such slavery ; 
 
 For love has ne'er such charms for me 
 
 As when spiced with a little bit of knavery." 
 
 \Exit R. H.
 
 22 
 
 Enter D^dalus, l. h. 
 
 D<td. I told you so ! — and there !— By Jupiter ! '^ 
 
 They've hoisted at the fore the Blue Peter. 
 Up goes the anchor! — the ship's under weigh, 
 When Ariadne wakes, what will she say ? 
 In this dark cavern left alone to dwell 
 As in a dungeon ! — what a shocking cell ! 
 Now o'er one half the world Nature seems dead. 
 And wicked dreams confuse the sleeper's head. 
 I'd one just now — left me in trepidation, 
 A most astonishing conglomeratioH. 
 
 SONG.— D^DALUS. 
 
 I'm still in a flutter — I scarcely can utter. 
 
 The words to my tongue that come dancing — come 
 dancing, 
 I've had such a dreiim — that I'm sure it must seem 
 
 To incredulous ears like romancing — romancing. 
 No doubt it was brought on by thai Madame VVarton, 
 
 Who muddled me quite with her models — her models, 
 Or Madame Tussaud, where I saw in a row, 
 
 Of all possible people the noddles — the noddles. 
 
 I dreamt I was walking with Homer, and talking 
 
 The very best Greek I was able — was able. 
 Whpn Guy, Karl of Warwick, with Johnson and Garrick, 
 
 Would dance a Scotch Reel on the tab e— the table. 
 Then Hannibal rising declared 'twas surprising 
 
 That gentlemen made such a riot — a riot. 
 And sent in a bustle to beg Lord John Russell 
 
 Would hasten and make 'em all quiet — all quiet. 
 
 He came and found Cato at cribbage with Plato, 
 
 And Zimmerman playing the fiddle — the fiddle. 
 And snatchiui; a rapier trom Admiral Napier, 
 
 Ran Peter the Great through the middle — the middle. 
 Then upjump'd Alboni, and looked at Belzoni, 
 
 Who sat by her side like a mummy — a mummy. 
 But pious iEneas said " This mustn't be, as 
 
 I never play whist with a dummy — a dummy. 
 
 I am almost perplexed to say what I saw next, 
 
 But L think it was Poniatowski— atowski 
 Was driving Nell Gwynne with Commissioner Lin 
 
 0?er Waterloo Bridge in a drosky— a drosky.
 
 23 
 
 When Sardanapalus, who thought fit to hail u«, 
 
 Remarked it was very cold weather — cold weather ! 
 
 And flinging his jasey at Prince Esterhazy, 
 They both began waltzing together — together. 
 
 The news next was spread, that Queen Dido was dead, 
 
 And alderman Gibbs in a huff, sir — a huff, sir. 
 Had seized LolaJNIontes, at Fnbourgand Pontet's, 
 
 For feeding her bull-dog with snuff, sir — with snuff, sir. 
 Whilst Bunn in a hurry ran off to the Surrey, 
 
 And clapped Abdel-Kader in irons — in irons, 
 And engaged Julius Cjesar to play Adeigiza, 
 
 To Widdicomb's Lady of Lyons — of Lyons. 
 
 I caught up a candle, and whispered to Handel, 
 There mwst be an end of the matter— the matter. 
 
 When bang tlirough the skylight, came down upon my light 
 Lord Brougham, with a deuce of a clatter — a clatter. 
 
 In terror I woke — crying "this is no joke," 
 
 And jump'd smack out of bed, like King Priam — King 
 Priam. 
 
 And I've bat to remark — if you're still in the daak, 
 
 Why )OU"re not a bit worse off than I am — than I am. 
 
 Ari lfsithiii'\ My Theseus ! 
 
 D(S(L Her voice! — Here'll be a shindy ! 
 
 Ari. Phcedra! — It's very dark, and very windy ! 
 
 [Eii(eri/ig.] Why have you left me here without a light? 
 I've had the nightmare, and I'm in a fright. 
 Methought my Theseus was beset with tnieves, 
 I grasped his arms — they were but his coat sleeves. 
 
 D(Bd. [aside.'} Alas! he's laughing in his sleeve at you ! 
 
 >4n. Where are you, Theseus ? Answer me! Pray do ! 
 
 Deed. He's got enough to answer for — that's plain. 
 
 Ari. Diana ! — take a rise out of the main ; 
 
 That by thy beams my spouse I may discover, 
 Rise gentle moon and light me to my lover! 
 
 AIR. — {Rise, gentle Moon. ) 
 
 An. I just laid down here beside the broad billow, 
 A coat for my bed, and a bag for my pillow — 
 He's hurried off — he's hurried off, where I 
 
 cannot discover — 
 Rise, gentle moon, and light me to my lover. 
 
 [TAe moon rises, Diana seated in it.
 
 24 
 
 Dia. ^ Would that my light could shew something to 
 soothe thee. 
 Lighter than ine — has his conduct been to thee ' 
 Wiih another girl he the blue sea rows over — 
 Light is the loss, sure, of so light a lover. 
 Gentle maid ! 
 
 [^TJie moon enters a mist. 
 Ari. Fled with another! Me, his wife, forsaking ! 
 Dai. "The devil's in the moon for mischiff-making!" 
 Ari Theseus, return ! Perfidious as unkind ; 
 
 You've left both bag and bagc;age here behind ! 
 Ho ! change your course— it's anything but proper ; 
 What ship ahoy ! For love's sake back her! stop her ! 
 Dad. I pity her with all my heart, poor soul — 
 Ari. Ah ! I will stick his paletot on a pole, 
 
 And wave it from yon mountain's craggy summit. 
 
 \_Exit R. H. 
 Dad. 'Twill be no go, though very strong she'll come it ! 
 
 Enter Cupid, l. h. 
 
 The woman's wits you'll certainly unsettle; 
 
 Of fish, you must own, here's a pretty kettle. 
 Cup. Fish ! There's as good fish always in the sea 
 
 As you take out of it — leave all lo me. 
 
 Whom love has wounded, love alone can cure ; 
 
 I've got a spouse for her. 
 Dad. Don't make too sure, 
 
 A mate has no charms for one so check-mated. 
 Cup. Oh, by'my friend, she'll be intoxicated. 
 Dad. What ! will he out of Theseus take the shine ? 
 Cup. Completely— spirit-sparkling— form — divine ! 
 Dad. Rich ? 
 
 Cup. There's no saying sometimes what he's worth. 
 Dad.A.ndL powerful ? 
 Cup. Few so powerful on earth. 
 Dad. Well, if you can bring such a match about — 
 Cup. Can ! Why, with Love, can there be any doubt ? 
 Dad. You're mighty clever in your own o()inion. 
 Cup. Clever ' Who does not bow to my dominion ? 
 
 What can I not do ? and where am I not ? 
 
 You know what's said of rae by Walter Scott. 
 
 In peace. Love tunes a pipe, sweet as Gardoni; 
 
 In war, he mounts a horse, a-la-Franconi ! 
 
 In courts of crowned heads he is the crony ; 
 
 In hamlets, dances like a Taglioni!
 
 25 
 
 Love rules the court, the camp, the railway-station, 
 
 And gods above, and rnen cf every nation ! 
 
 For heaven is love, and love is — 
 -^«!/. Botheration ! 
 
 Don't stand here making such a long oration, 
 
 But introduce me to your friend. 
 Ck/). With pleasure ! 
 
 I only fear you'll like him beyond m(a^ure! 
 
 AIR.— Cupid, {llsegreto) 
 
 A rare master he is of the revel?, 
 And the sworn foe of all the blue deviU! 
 He the wonderful secret possesses. 
 Of assuaging all eaithly distresses. 
 He can dry up liie sa't tear of soriow. 
 
 Leave tiie grumbler no last word to say. 
 Make the poor man forget that to-morrow 
 
 Will be (sure as it comes) quarter d ly! — 
 Could he but tell him where he miglit borrow. 
 
 The cash he is called on to pay! 
 
 W hile you thus by his aid lose your trouble, 
 Every pleasure you sometimes see double ; 
 And though cynics are found who abuse him. 
 He hurls none but the fools who misuse him, 
 W ith hi? drops 1 have known him soollie pain, sir, 
 
 Which h}dropathy could n't allay. 
 And a friend, with a very bad sprain, sir, 
 
 In a polka set whirlmi^ away! 
 But I won't say he did:,'t complain, sir. 
 
 Of the headache he had the next day ! 
 
 [E nl I. n. 
 
 Scene II.— A MOUNTAIN TOi'. 
 Enter Ariadne, n. »., leilh paletnt on a polt. 
 
 ^ri. 'Tis all in vain — his ship's already hull-down, 
 And I am left to die ujion this dull down. 
 O wilder than the wildest of wild men, ah ! 
 More savasje than the savagest hyena! 
 O, perjured wietch, to cut off in your cutter, 
 And leave me here with neither hread nor buUtr ! 
 O had I but a boat to row to Crete in, 
 Yet there a foe my father I should meet in ! 
 Isle of the hundred cities, which was my nurse, 
 I'ajr CretP, where Jupiter was sent lo dry nurse! 
 
 D
 
 ■ 26 
 
 Beloved cliffs, where as in infant lone 
 I walked your chalk*, befoie 1 walked my own! 
 Why did I leave you for a faithless sinner, 
 Who but for me had been a monster's dinner ? 
 
 worse than monster to leave me in trouble; 
 Talk of the Minotaur as being double! 
 
 You who could thus a trusting maid trepan, 
 Ate more a brute, and less a gentleman! 
 
 EECITATIVE AND AIR.— Ariadne. {II Fir at a.) 
 
 He's gone — he's mizzled — the wretch I saved from 
 
 slaughter ! 
 He's bolted with my sister — to Gietce, across the 
 
 water ; 
 Though he vow'd he'd to 7ne stick— like bricks and 
 
 mortar ! 
 
 Who'd have tliought, scarce one day a'ttr, 
 
 He swore I was his deary. 
 
 Upon this coast so dreary. 
 
 He'd cut me — he'd cut me to the core ! 
 
 But soon I'll seek my tomb — ah ! 
 
 And that, false-htarted gent — he 
 
 May when too late repent — he 
 
 Can find but the bones of his rib on the shore ! 
 
 The boms of nis rib on the shore ! 
 
 E.vil, L. H. 
 
 SCENE III.— THE VINES, BEFORE THE TEMPLE 
 OF BACCHUS. 
 
 Grand mareh and truimpltajit entry of Bacchus, return, 
 ingfrom the Indian Pi ar. 
 
 Bac. Here, from the Indian war return'd victorious, 
 
 1 mean to get particularly glorious. 
 Put up my tigers, and fill up the bowls. 
 We'll make a daj' of it, my jolly souls. 
 
 A fig for Mars I If contests theie must be. 
 This is the field, and these the arms for me! 
 Pleased, I discharge my pistol for a flask, 
 Put off my helm, and get upon my cask. 
 Blow gunpowder and shot, in every shape, 
 And pour me in a shower of my own grape! 
 " Uitiina ratio regum" is all fun,
 
 0-7 
 
 No reason like the raisin of the sun ! 
 There, in close order, hang the temptina; masses, 
 And so — " Up lads and at 'em" — charge your glasses ! 
 [Music. The Bacchanals, Sfc. gather the grapes, 
 and press them into the goblets. 
 
 AIR AND CHORUS.— Bacchus, &c. {Der Freychutz.) 
 
 Bac. Up and at 'em, lads and lasses ; 
 
 To their muzzles charge your glasses ! 
 
 Drink and shout " Victoria !'' 
 
 Hip, hip, hip ! — hurrah ! hurrah ! 
 
 Bacchus leads you ! — ha, ha, ha 1 
 Cho. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ! 
 
 Bravo, Bacchus! — ha, ha, ha! 
 Bac. Talk of Chloroform and ^•Ether! 
 
 Balm for pain I fancy neither — 
 
 Here's the true Panace-a 
 
 In this goblet! ^Ether ?— Psha! 
 
 Wine for ever! — Ha! ha! ha! 
 Chorus. Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! 
 
 Bravo, Bacchus ! — ha! ha! ha! 
 [Bacchus sits on a barrel, n. ii. — Table, on which are 
 cups and tankards placed for him by Satyrs, 
 
 BALLET. 
 
 Enter Cupid and D^d&lus. i\ e. l. 
 
 Cup. There sits the bridegroom. 
 
 Da;d. He astride the tun ? 
 
 Why zounds ! — that must be Bacchus ! 
 Cup. Aye— the son 
 
 Of Semele, who flared up so for Jove. 
 
 What do you think of him ? 
 D(Bd. His port I love ! 
 
 Cup I'll introduce you. [^dvancirig.'] Bacchus, how 
 
 d'ye do? 
 Bac. Cupid, my boy! — who thought of seeing you! 
 Cup. Why love and wine give zest to one anotlier. 
 Bac. You're right — I'm glad to see you. How's your 
 
 mother? 
 Cup. Complains of cold. 
 Bac. No doubt— with seas between us. 
 
 We all know, without Bacchus " frigit V^enu<." 
 
 Her belter health ! You'll join us? 
 
 \l\dtle taken from it. ii. placed in c. 0/ stage.
 
 28 
 
 Cup. 1 intend. 
 
 I took llie liberty to brint( a friend. 
 Bac The more the merrier! — Sit down, my good man. 
 
 My foster dad, Siltnus— my friend. Pan. 
 
 ■NVine here ! — your lieahh ! 
 Cup. [aside to D.ed.] He's set in for a soaking. 
 
 hue. IJeie's pipe— and bacry— if you're fond of smokmg. 
 Dad. Ycu'ie very kind — permit me to refuse— 
 
 [^s/f/e /o CupjD.] bonder's the sort of Bacchsje I 
 should ohoose. 
 Bac. Come— bumpers round! No diy-lights— let's be 
 cozy ! 
 
 A song— a dance ! — Ho ! music !— Play up, Nosy ! 
 Bnc. \to D.i:d.] Now, Mr. V\ hald'yecall, 1 call on you 
 
 To sing a sont;, or tell a story. 
 Cup. " Do ! 
 
 Dasd. Me!— sing!— I can't. 
 Cup. You can sing, very well. 
 
 And heaven knows what a sto^y }ou can tell! 
 Dad. You mean about — 
 Cup. ^ Of course— [as/(fe to /liin] it's just the season. 
 
 You try with rhyme, and 1 will try with reason. 
 Bac. Mow— silence^!— Sir, for you we're all attention! 
 Dad. Well — it's a fact 1 am about to mention. 
 
 So you'll excuse the real names. To scandal 
 
 I should be sorry to afiord a handle. 
 
 The hero — of a great nob — is the nobby son — 
 Bac. Oh, call him anything you pUate— Jack Robi'son ! 
 Dad. Jack Kobi'son— oh, well with all n y heart I 
 Bac. Come, tire away !— Pan— pitch the note— now start! 
 
 SONG. — DiEDALvs. [Jack Robmson-I 
 
 The perils and dangers of the voyage past, 
 
 The sliip in port here arrived at last. 
 
 'Ihe captain of her he was a ravther fast 
 
 ■Young fellow of the name of jack Robi'son. 
 
 lie brouglit uuh iiini a tine young woman ashore. 
 
 Who had got iiim out of a mess before ; 
 
 And was now his me.-smate because he swore 
 
 Tijat he'd make her, honor bright, Mis. Jack Robi'son. 
 
 But this young woman's sister was with *em d'ye see, 
 And the captain, he says to her, " jny dear!" says he, 
 " Shall we cut and run together," and by jingo, she 
 Said " yes !" instead of '« no ! " to Jack Robi'son.
 
 29 
 
 So away iliey went (ogellier aboard tlie ship, 
 And were soon under sail — and over liis flip. 
 There's many a slip 'uvixt the cup and the lip, 
 Says this piecious young rip. Jack llobi'son. 
 
 Now, poor Mrs. Jack, she had laid her down 
 
 la the arms of Morpheus her cares to drown. 
 
 Kot dreaming she was done so uncommonly brown 
 
 ffy liei iiood-for-iiotl.ing sister, and Jack Robi'son. 
 
 l>ut when she woke up, as night did fall, 
 
 You may guess there was soon a pretty squall; 
 
 " My eyes :" says she, " why I can't see Jack at all !" 
 
 And she scietchtdandshe shouted, " Hoy ! Jack llobi'son ! 
 
 Thf-n the tell-tale Moon arose to state 
 
 'i'hat Jack was off ; for he couldn't wait! 
 
 " VN hy yt u don't mean to say that he's got another mate ? 
 
 " Indeed 1 do," says the moon to Mrs. Robi'son, 
 
 " Tiie wretch," says she, " while you were a-bed, 
 
 ^^ ah sonjebody else has somewhere fled ; 
 
 And you'll lead in some newspaper as how you are dead !" 
 
 " W hy, I've not been dead at all !" says Mrs. Robison. 
 
 Then she met a man, and she says, •' I say?" 
 
 " Mayhap jou can tell which road they went away? 
 
 It was somewhere here about.'' — The man said '* nay! — 
 
 Indeed 1 cannot !" to Mrs. Robi'son, 
 
 { ui to fret and stew about it now is all in rain : 
 
 So you'd better take and go to Holland, France, or Spain, 
 
 1 or It ain't of any use your running after him again. 
 
 As he's got another Mrs. Jack Robi'son." 
 
 Then the poor creatuie sank down upon the grass, 
 
 And she rung her hands and she cried "Alas!" 
 
 T'hat ever I should come to such a shocking pass. 
 
 To be sold by such a fellow as Jack Robi'son!" 
 
 Now, >oung ladies all, take warning by her I'aie, 1 pray, 
 
 And do'nt believe a word of what the young chaps say— - 
 
 liut insist ini being Married in the regular way, 
 
 Ur they'll be off before ycu can say -'Jack Robi'son." 
 
 Bac. The saddest story that I ever heard. 
 Deed. True, every bit of it — upon my word. 
 Cup. It happened here, upon this very island. 
 Deed. This very day — 
 
 J^ac- A lady left on my land !— 
 
 Cup. Without a friend — or penny in her puise 
 To buy a drop of comfort '. —
 
 80 
 
 Bac, How 1 — My curse 
 
 Upon the villain! Leave the girl to sink 
 For want of cash to buy a drop of drink ! 
 And whil'st we're swimming in good claret here. 
 She may be driven to a watery bier ! 
 Run I — those that can — and seek her out — poor soul ! 
 We'll drown her sorrows in our own deep bowl ! 
 I'd run myself — but don't much think I could. 
 
 [^Exiunt several Baccliante,, l. h. 
 Deed. Kind Bacchus ! — who shall say that wine's not good? 
 Cup. I s-ay [^oBacchus] Why don't you marry ? 
 Bac. Well, some daj^, 
 
 When I ail very drunk — perhaps I may. 
 Dmd \im(le.~\ He's not far off, then, a united state. 
 Cup. Why, till you're very tipsy, should you wait, 
 
 Before you enter on a married life ? 
 Bac. Because — I think-— to venture on a wife, 
 
 One must be much in love— or much in liquor. 
 Cup. Well, much in love you scarcely could be quicker. 
 [Re-enter the Bacchante, bearing Arjadne, Cupid 
 
 shoots Bacchus.] 
 There ! — what do'ye say to that ? 
 Bac. Oh, the deuce take you ! 
 
 Cup. If now you're not in love, nothing can make you — 
 Bac. I'm shot right through the heart ! A goddess, sitrely ! 
 Cup. Ought to be one — 
 Dad. How are you ? 
 
 Bac. Very poorly. 
 
 Cup. You have no wound but what her smiles can heal — - 
 Ari. Ogygian Bacchus, at thy feet I kneel — 
 Bac. Rise, madam, Queen of such a world of charms^ 
 We here salute you, with presented arms ! 
 This gentleman has told us your sad story, 
 To cheer your heart, we shotiid esteem a glory. 
 I whining hate, though god of wine I am, 
 Your real pain I'll drown in floods of cham. 
 Ari. An action, worthy sir, of generous wine, 
 Bac. ^"air dame, I cannot make you more divine; 
 Bui if you'll condescend my throne to share. 
 You never more shall know a worldly care. 
 Ari. Alas! but won't the wicked world be thinking 
 
 That I was crossed in love, and took to drinking. 
 Bac. Let the world wag, and don't you be a sappy. 
 
 For what's the odds, as long as you are happy ! 
 Ari May I believe you? — I've been once so sold ;
 
 31 
 
 Bac. "In vino Veritas" — the priest beho'd ! 
 
 I've my own license — here's the ring, you gipsv ! 
 Art- Then here's my hand — 
 Sac. With joy I now am tipsy ! 
 ^ri. But Theseus — 
 Bac. The Jack who left his Jill— 
 Clip. Oh, he has had a precious trip down hill ! 
 
 [The scene opens at the buck, and discovers the 
 luftrnaL liegions. Thiseus is seen sealed on 
 a rock. 
 
 See %vhere in Tartarus 'twixt pitchy Styx 
 And fiery Phlt-gelhon, he's in a fix. 
 Stuck to a stone, which as lus iieart is hard. 
 For such inconstancy a fit rewaid. 
 Deed. To earth he couldn't e'en his tricks confine, 
 But stole down stairs to flirt with Proserpin*^; 
 But grim king Pluto found what lie was arter, 
 And so in Tartarus be caught a Tartar I 
 
 AIR. — Theseus. (Sitting on a Rail ) 
 
 Old Charon rowed me o'er the Styx, 
 
 But Pluto caught me at my tricks — 
 
 And Justice jNIinos did me fix, 
 
 In this infernal jail. 
 
 Sitting on a rail of rocks I weep and wail ! 
 
 Will no one be my bail ? O, pity my sad tale! 
 
 For Proserpine I angled, but 
 
 She wouldn't bite, the cunning slut' 
 
 The Styx I'd cross'd I could'utcut — 
 
 So here they did me nail! 
 
 Sitting '.n a rail of rocks 1 weep and wail ! 
 
 li I old scratch 
 
 Conld only catch— 
 
 I'd pull hun by the tail ! 
 
 Bac. And serve you rii,'ht 
 'TAe. I'm not the only goose 
 
 Who for a woman has gone to the deuce! 
 
 Where Orpheus sought Eurydice's well known, 
 DceiJ. Yes, but the wife he went for was his own. 
 
 You sought another's — that's the rock you split on; 
 The. But thij is such a horrid rock to sit on. 
 
 Love, intercede for me, I do implore ; 
 Cup.WeU, will you never act so any more ? 
 The.l can't say that; because i( all goes right, 
 
 1 hope to act the same to-morrow night.
 
 32 
 
 Cm/j. You would come out again-.-like Don Giovanni ; 
 
 The. Yes, if I could but get permission — cun H 
 
 Cup.lry ; you're at liberty upon paroU'. 
 
 The. [Rising, ana advancing ] Ladies and — 
 
 Bac. Stop, I havn'l said tlie wiiole 
 
 Of what I've got to say. 
 The. Let me conclude it. 
 
 Our play is done — if you have kindly view'd it. 
 
 Your praise will shed a lustre round the name 
 
 Of Ariadne and her fickle fl.ime ; 
 
 Wh'ch may for many a mprry evening shine. 
 
 And like her starry crown (which hand- divine; 
 ung in the skies — the wandeiii g seaman's mark) 
 
 Into safe harbour guide our little baik. 
 
 Do you prote"ct,,wf:al^ver ills attack us, 
 
 We ask no better fritncs than yon to Bacphus I 
 
 The scene changes, and discovers the consteUulion of the 
 CROWN OF AlUADNE. 
 
 FINALE.— Chorus. {The Eclipse Polka ) 
 Cho. Join your hands and theirs. 
 Banish ail our cares — 
 Pass the wine. 
 And don't decline 
 To drink success to our affairs. 
 Bacchus 'twould debght. 
 Bumpers ev'ry night 
 Here to view, 
 For filled by you 
 Our Clip of joy, mdeed,is bright. 
 The. L'en that most inconstant sw.un, 
 
 Tiieseus never more would rani^e. 
 Of your favor, justly vain, 
 
 He ne'er wishes for a change. 
 Ari. Flared amongst the starry skies 
 
 Ariadne's ciown may shine, 
 Bu' the crown for which she sighs' 
 Is ihe wnath your hands eniwme. 
 CJIto. Join your hands, &ic. 
 
 ■IHK KND.
 
 THE 
 
 EXPOSITION. 
 
 A SCANDINAVIAN SKETCH, 
 
 CONTAINING AS MUCH IKRELEVANT MATl'Eli A3 P033lBLEc 
 
 M ©ne ^tt 
 
 BY 
 
 SHIRLEY BROOKS, 
 
 A'A^.hor of the ■' DavffJiter of the Stars," " Honours and TrlcJcs" 
 
 &c. (ix. 
 
 liAlLES LACY, 
 
 WELLINaXON STREET, STRAND, 
 
 LONDON.
 
 j^rsf performed at Punch's Playhouse, the Strand Theati%- 
 on Monday, April 2Sth, 1851, 
 
 €l)arflcter8. 
 
 ^PERNATURALS. 
 
 ODIN {the Scandbiavian Jove) Mh.' Noktok. 
 
 THOR \ Ti..r,fT,..o S Mr. John Reeve- 
 
 BALDER ;^''''^*^^^t Mr. J. Rogers. 
 
 MEIMD^.LL {tJie Celestial Porter) ..,• Mr. Romer. 
 
 tlDVR {God of Silence) .-. Mr. White. 
 
 FREYA [Wife of Odin) Mrs. C. HoRSMA^ ■ 
 
 FYLLA {her Maid) Mrs. C. Melville, 
 
 NARMA {Wife of Balder) ...:, Miss Dibdin. 
 
 SNOWTRA {expectant Wife of Thor) Mies M. TAvrjjK.. 
 
 PRETERNATURAL, 
 THE SPIRIT OF THE AOE Miss Marshall. 
 
 NATURAL. 
 
 AN AUTHOR, loho, icishing to he strictly 
 
 anonymous, will be represented by Mr. Atiwooo. 
 
 SCENE. 
 
 Alternately on a Scandinavian Motmtain and in Hyde Parlc^ 
 
 Z)afe,'l851. 
 
 Time — impossible to count. 
 
 Costumes. 
 
 The GoDsahd Gtoddesses — tunics of various colours, and fleshings ; 
 some of them with crowns. Fylla has a wreath of gold. Thou 
 ("until going on Earth) carries a huge silver-headed hammer. On 
 Earth, the three Gods in morning dresses — Ouin, as a gay elderly 
 gentleman, with eye-glass ; Balder with long hair and turn-down 
 collar ; Thor as a young guardsman. 
 
 The Ladies in fashi(mable morning dresses. 
 
 The (Spirit — a Httle velvet shooting-coat, hatand feather, fleshings^ 
 embroidered waistcoat, turned-down collars, very smart red boots, 
 Kttle white wings, white gloves, a fancy cane. 
 
 Author — a' white nightgown over dress suit, smart.
 
 THE EXPOSITION. 
 
 SCENE I. — The Summit of a Scandinavian Mountain. 
 
 Pinnacles of rocJc glittering with frost, mul various colours in the stone. 
 T/ie Gods of Scandinavia are all ranc/ed at the back, as subsequently 
 iiientioned, but at the rise of the curtain, clouds entirely coMecd 
 them. LigMs doicn. Voices of Spirit of the Age, and oj the 
 AuTHOK, heard — Spirit laughingly caUity to him to come on, and 
 he grunihling. 
 
 Enter Author, l., in his night-shirL 
 
 Alt. Where wilt thou drag me ? Stop; I'll go no higher. 
 And pray where are we, if one might enquire ? 
 Over these mountain pasees I'ye been joited 
 Till — But where are you ? Bless my soul — it's bolted. 
 (beivildered) I know I'm in a dream, but the deuce take me 
 If I can shake it off. Will {angrily) some one wake me '.-' 
 
 Enter »Spiiut, r. 1 e. 
 
 Spi. What for? 
 
 Alt. Ha ! there again ! 
 
 Spi. What means your rage ? 
 
 Alt. What are you ? 
 
 Spi. I'm the Spirit of the Age. 
 
 Alt. Why have you brought me here ? 
 
 Sp'. To do you good. 
 
 .\Il must succeed when I ana understood. 
 Where were you, when I found you ? Come, avouch ! . "* 
 
 Alt. In gentle slumber, on my virtuous couch. 
 
 Spi. (Ahem !) Having dined — well — with certain " fastislr" men, 
 Snoring like one o'clock at half-past ten ; 
 At least three dinner napkins in your pocket, 
 'I'he burnt-out candle smoking in its socket ; 
 \(>iiv fire lit up when there was no occ.'ision, 
 ■^'our boots, all nrncl, thrown in tlie waslihand basin : 
 Your watch upon the hob, your door ajar, 
 (Signs that a man is gone — and rather far) ; 
 And, one more proof of intellectual riches. 
 Your niglitg<jwn on, over your new black — trousers. 
 
 A 2
 
 4 THE EXPOSITION. 
 
 AuT. 'Tis true ; I feel it here {j)ut$ hands to forehead) that wliiskey 
 toddy, 
 
 Would steal the soul out of a Solon's body. 
 Spi. And the burlesque which you were pledged to write 
 
 Which must be played, you know, on Monday night— 
 
 You, who with fast young men go out to dine — 
 
 How much burlesque is written ? 
 AuT. Not a line ; 
 
 To-moiTOw I'll sit down to joke and rhyme. 
 Spi. {solemnly) " Procrastination is the thief of time." 
 AuT. {contemjjtuously) That's old. 
 Spi. The ready sneer on folly's tongue. 
 
 Just read the " Night Thoughts," and you'll find it's Young. 
 
 But what's your subject ? 
 AuT. Hang me if I know. 
 
 The " Arabian Knights " were used up long ago : 
 
 The Genii, Planche's genius makes his own, 
 
 Ere we can say (his name) "James Eobinson." 
 
 Smith's hammer has been beating, as I'm told, 
 
 Alhambra's ore into good fairy gold. 
 
 Most of the Operas are atrocious stuff. 
 
 And the Bohemian Girl's eloped with Brough. 
 
 There's nothing left but the old track to follo-.\\ 
 
 With Jupiter, and Juno, and Apollo. 
 
 They'll do again, and eveiy one confessses 
 
 The ladies look so well in classic dresses. 
 Spi. Drop your conventional inventions, do, 
 
 At least affect to give folks something new. 
 AuT. But there is nothing new, and as is writ 
 
 In Greek ( I think) ex nihilo nihil fit. 
 Spi. The Gods of Greece at once to exile sentence !r 
 
 Have you no other heathenish acquaintance ?' 
 AuT. Yes, with the Eoman idols I'm at home. 
 Spi. No, England wants no Idol-farce from Rome. 
 
 If you need fables, surely history's mouth 
 
 Tells more than worn-out legends of the South. 
 AuT. Does it ? My few historic liglits want feeding. 
 
 For we smart writers have small time for reading. 
 
 Still, if v,-e take ^vithout it, what's the odds ? 
 Spi. Why don't you tiy the Scandinavian Gods ? 
 AuT. The Scandy — how much ? 
 Spi. {sneeringly) Oh ! bow new and witty ! 
 
 The jest of ignorance indeed claims pity. 
 AuT. But this mythology — if one could work it — 
 
 Does seem a track out of the beaten circuit. 
 Spi. In the old days, that is, as history states, 
 
 About the year 
 
 AuT. O, bother, sink the dates. 
 
 Spi. Well, stupid, well — but as I must get near a 
 
 Point — long before what Christians call the Era.
 
 THE EXPOSITION. 
 
 Aut. The Era — yes, I know ; I take it in ! 
 
 It keeps a clog that tells what horse -will win. 
 Sim. Blockhead— past teaching— how I waste my pains ! 
 
 Pray, did you ever hear of folks called Danes ? 
 Alt. Danes ! Let me see— Oh yes (thinks) I'a'c heard of two — 
 
 Hamlet, and Schlcswig-Holstein — 
 Spi. That will do. 
 
 These Danes, y<ni see, in olden time, adored 
 
 Gods of their own — a wild, fierce, jolly horde. 
 
 Who drank, sang, quarrelled, bullied, laughed and flirted, 
 
 Much as Greek Gods were pleased to be diverted. 
 
 When to the invader we were forced to give in ; 
 
 These gods were worshipped, in the Land we Live in. 
 
 Of Grecian gods an English public tires, 
 
 Shew it the jovial idols of its sires. 
 Arx. Not a bad thought, by Jove ! but then you see 
 
 One must read up ; — now reading don't suit me. 
 Si'i. I know it — so, to move that fatal bar, 
 
 rU set the set before you— here they are. 
 
 (J/«5iC— Si'iKiT stamps, and the clouds open, shewuiy Odiis 
 in centre, with Thok, Balder, Tys, Viuur, Fkeya, Fylla, 
 IS'akma, Snowtka, &c, on couches, loith (johlets, and laiujldnfj,; 
 Author retires to l. corner) 
 
 Chorus of Gods. Nigger Air — " There was once a Ultk man, and 
 his name was Uncle Ned," 
 
 We're a jolly lot of Gods, and our names, it is said. 
 
 Were held in awe long ago ; 
 And old Odin, there, was our king and our head, 
 And he ruled with a word and a blow. 
 Hang it, but the age is slow ! 
 Blow it, what a little folks know ! 
 There's nobody seems to have heard or read 
 
 Of the days of the good king O * * *, O * * *, O * * *, 
 Of the days of the good king O * * *. 
 
 We drank without fear tliat our heads would ache, 
 
 We spumed bitter ale and tea ; 
 And a sober cove was no better than a cake 
 In the eyes of the gods you see. 
 
 liang it, but tlic age is slow ! 
 l-Jlow it, what a little folks know ! 
 There's nobody seems to have heard or read 
 
 Of the ways of the good king * * *, &c 
 
 OiHN. Well sung, my children. Odin praise accords yon. 
 
 Ali,. Thank you. 
 
 Odin. * Moreover, Odin drinks towards you. 
 
 Air.. Ha! ha! ha! ha!
 
 fi THE EXPOSITION. 
 
 ODl^. And now for serious business, (All laugh) Cease that 
 clamour, [laugh) 
 
 Tlior ! keep tliem quiet. 
 Thok. (l. 2>ointinff his hammer) Do you see this hammer? 
 
 Notice ! whoeTcr doesn't hold his row 
 
 AVill get a wunner, [gives a great bang) Pa, [to Odin) 
 they're quiet now. 
 Odin. 'Tis well. Now gods, attend 1 Before we sup, 
 
 There is a something which we mast fill up — 
 I'vs. The goblet — I'm agreeable, (j/oes to Odin's seat, tahes iq> 
 
 vase, and fills his oion cup withivine) Yes, champagne. 
 
 [is turning to go bach, irhen Odin, who looks astonished at his ini- 
 2mdence, signs to Thok, 7vho gets up and hits Tys icith the fl-i.it 
 side of his hammer ; cup falls, and lie scampers to his place) 
 
 Thor. Is that agreeable ? if so, come again. (Gons lanjh) 
 
 Fkev. [deprecutinghj) Thor, Tys, sit down — don't let your passions,- 
 rise, 
 You're not much hurt. 
 Tvs. [pouting to Thoe) Hit one of your ©wn size. 
 
 Thok. [going up to him) Ha ! 
 Ti'.s. [same manner) Ha! 
 
 TuoR. Ha ! 
 
 Ty.s. Ha : 
 
 [like two hoys afraid to^ hit each other — iJiey go back to their placef) 
 
 Or>iN. That little matter pleasantly aiTanged, 
 
 I vote we have the conversation changed. 
 
 I said I'd something to fill up. This paper. 
 
 The offspring of some queer new fangled caper,. 
 
 Has been sent here ! (indigneintlg) 
 Spi. [steps forward) Well, goveiTior, and why not? 
 
 There's nothing there to make you look so hot.- 
 Odin. Ha! what — what's that? 
 >Spt. The Spirit of the Ag-e— 
 
 How are yon all [takes up a goUet) good tipple, I'll engage. 
 
 Song, Spirit. Air— " Wrs. Johnson^ 
 
 Yes, I'm the Spirit of the Age, 
 Of progress I'm the pretty page ; 
 Though light and slight,. I'm quite as sage 
 
 As Burke or Doctor Johnson.. 
 I counsel people not to fight, 
 I am like Chestei-field, polite. 
 Though, by the way, he chose to slight 
 
 The aforesaid Doctor Johnson,. 
 
 In dress I study all I can, 
 To follow out a novel plan. 
 For " dress doth indicate the man," 
 And so says Doctor Johnson.
 
 THE EXPOSITION.. *. 
 
 This shooting coat I did devise. 
 To make it clear to people's eyes 
 I shoot at " Folly as it flies—" 
 And so did Doctor Johnson. 
 
 Upon my head I could not bear 
 That odious thing, a hat. to wear. 
 Such as the pictures all declare 
 
 "Was worn by Doctoi" Johnson. 
 I'm seldom known to swear, I am. 
 Kut hats ■nT5uld aggravate a lamb. 
 And " beavers often raise a dam," 
 
 I've read in Doctor Jolinson. 
 
 This year will smash those hats a bit, 
 By shewing how a cap can fit 
 On any head with half the wit 
 
 Possessed by Doctor Jolmson. 
 ^^'hen Englaixl sees upon her shore 
 Those Turkish caps and twenty more — 
 '• Hats off I" she'll bellow, with a rixir 
 
 Like that of Doctor Johnson. 
 
 <^i)iN. I see an enemy among us. 
 
 Si'i. " Fiddle. 
 
 Who told you that told a tautaradiddle. 
 Odin. Do you mean you'i'e not? 
 jjSpi. ' An enemy — not I— 
 
 The day of enmities has all gone by. 
 
 We've found that it's no use to fight and quarrel t 
 
 It's jollier to be friends, and much more moral. 
 Thor. a milksop doctrine — that don't suit my kxjk. 
 Spi. It would, if j-ou'd come down and take a look ! 
 
 ^^'e■ll talk of that directly — where's this paper 
 
 That makes your fsither bluster, blow, and vapour. 
 Odin. Here, take tlie document — it seems a rum one — 
 
 Take something else — wine to the spirit, some one. 
 
 (« Goddess lianth irluf) 
 
 J»i'i. {takes goblet) Wine into good spirit (drinls) — down you go ! 
 
 Bad spirit into wine's the rule below. 
 
 Odin — peiTnit me to present a fnend {pulls Avinoii fonrard) 
 
 Come on, you goose — wliat do you apprehend ! 
 
 Your usual apprehension's not so quick. 
 Arc {confiilcutiaUi/ in (et-ror) Are you quite sure that cove is nnt 
 Old Nick ? (points do Odin) 
 
 t )DiN. You'i"e welcome. 
 
 Spi. There — come on, I say— all's rigiit. 
 
 Thor. Who and what are you, stranger? ("an you fight? 
 Ai:t. Tliank you, I'd rather not. 
 
 Bat,. ' («/ee;)//*/) Well, can you sing ? 
 
 A IT. I fear my voice would not be quite the thing.
 
 g THE EXPOSITION. 
 
 Ouix. Ha ! tlie new comer's no great shakes I think, 
 
 But still there's one accomplishment — for drink. 
 Alt. Try me. ilaucjhs) 
 
 Odis. " That don't sonnd ill, that laugh of scorn; 
 
 Go, three of you, and fetch the Hirlas Horn. 
 
 Exit Tys, Viul-r, and Snowtka 
 AvT. {aside) Three of 'cm for one drink— that's past a joke ! 
 
 It shonld be XXX and triple stroke. 
 Odik. There's something to goon with— quench your thirst. 
 AuT. {aside) 'Twere something to go off with— I shall burst. 
 Tv.i, YiDUE, and Skowtra re-enter loith an enormms horn, on v:hick 
 ie painted " A PiiESEsr for a Good Little God " 
 CJionis, " liohert le Biahle.'' 
 
 Drink, sir, drink, and don't be frightened ! 
 Drink, you'll find it a wholesome brew: 
 In the proportion cups ai-e lightened, 
 
 Man's sad heart Ijecomes lightened too. (^f/"//*) 
 
 (rt seift has been i^aced for Author, l. c, and he talcs hern betweeit 
 his le'js, sometimes sipping during the foUoidwj) 
 
 ^vx. This paper, Odin, is the heavenly census- 
 Blockheads alone in this can find offences : 
 Jupiters filled up his : that pig-tailed file 
 Fo, the Chinese, and Isis, from the Nile, 
 And Juggernaut, let numerators call on 'cm ; 
 (The last has twenty hands, and wrote with all on 'em.) 
 Don't you stick out from information giving, 
 {sotto voce) Unless ashanied, sir, of the way you're living. 
 I'll fill it up for you— quite plain the pages is ; 
 I only want your names, pursuits, and ages, 
 
 Ali- tkk Goddesses. Ages ! 
 
 Ypf^^ Did you say ages ? 
 
 u,.". " ' 'Twas my word. 
 
 Fkf,. Impertinent, as well as most absni-d. 
 
 Chorus. Air, " Come fill up my cup, cmnefill up mij cvpr 
 Come fill up your census, fill if you can— 
 What, put down ^^^^ ages, you impudent man: 
 
 Look in ^"^^^^^^ faces, vfrite what yoti see— 
 That's all tlTe help that you'll get out of me. 
 
 fepi. Head of the family, I call on you— 
 
 Answer the questions, and make answer true. 
 
 Odin. l^Iv name is Odin, and my age (I'm thinking) 
 About two thousand ; my pursuit is drinkmg. 
 To save mistakes (with which my history's loaden) 
 Mention that I've an alias, which is " Woden," 
 From ^^-hence comes Woden's-day, which mo.rtals call 
 Wednesday, like asses, as they are. That's all.
 
 THE EXPOSITION. 9 
 
 h^ri. {to Author) Here, write that down, you undrainatic youth — 
 
 For once in all your life you'll write the ti'uth. 
 AtT. (icJio is getting drunk) Don't bother mc. 
 
 The Saxou word of coui-tesy, " Drink hael." {raises cup) 
 Odit. Stranger, you should not fail 
 
 AuT. ilow that old man exasperates his aitches — 
 
 I am a-drinking hale. 
 Sp!. {aside to author) No, no, lie teaches 
 
 Manners. Reply " Waes hael," he waits for you. 
 Alt. (rists, half drunk) "Waes hael," old man, and many of 
 
 'em too. 
 !>■,•]. Now, Thor — 
 FdE. {iuterposinfi) Before the question's further carried — 
 
 Odin has quite forgotten that he's married. 
 Udjx- No fear of tliat, my dear, while you survive — 
 
 Write that 1 married her in anno 5. 
 F;:i:. Odiu ! {angrihj) 
 4)i)is. My Fi'cya. 
 
 VviE.. {in high diidain) Your's indeed 
 
 Oois. I bow — 
 
 Whoever's Freya you may be — what now ? 
 Viik. Insulting creature! talking in that way. 
 
 Making your Freya a friar of ringlets grey. 
 r?ri. Tiior, who and what are you '? 
 'J'liop. My name is Thor, 
 
 This is my hammer — ray pursuit is war. 
 As for my age you'd better ask my mother, 
 Thor's day's my day, that's Thursday, so don't bother, 
 Alt. {to the audience) I see a joke, one which will be approved, 
 
 .J-ack Frost must be thaw's cousin— once removed. 
 Hvi. (Jdin's next hope must our attention claim, 
 
 I bawl to Balder, answer to your name. 
 Att. Another joke — wliat lots of hair, I trow, 
 
 Hft must have bad, if he is Balder now. 
 I?AT,. 1 Iiate the revels my relations keep, 
 
 {sleepily) INIy occupation is to go to sleep. 
 My age 1 never asked, tlie entry's blundered. 
 But of new nightcaps, I've worn out nine Irandrcd. 
 Tliis will enable you to guess — I've done. {sUeps) 
 \l't. Tlie seven sleepers all rolled into one. 
 S;'i. Vidur, the God of silesiee, speak up. 
 Vin. {i-erg grnffiy) Shan't. 
 
 Si'i. Tcli lis how old you are, old fellow ? 
 ViD. Caji't. 
 
 Si'i. Who is your nearest blood relation ? 
 ViD. (points to Fui;ya) Aunt. 
 
 Spi. You might as well request (except in lark) 
 A civil answer from a railv/ay clerk. 
 Now for the ladies. 
 
 {the Goddesses all screaiu slightj.g)
 
 10 THE EXPOSITION. 
 
 Pre. On their part and mine, 
 
 I beg to say the ladies all decline. 
 Spi. What, all ? You, Freya, wife of Odin bold ? 
 
 Fylla, her handmaid, with the wreath of gold. 
 
 My gentle Narma, next to you I come, 
 
 (Spouse of this sleeping beauty) {points to Bat.der) you too 
 dumb? 
 
 And Snowtra, goddess of good manners, she 
 
 Have the bad manners to be dumb to me ! 
 
 [tliey all u'ave him o^'} 
 
 Then I fill up the census with a rhyme— 
 
 "They are not of an age, bat from all time." 
 
 But are these all — are any out of sight. 
 
 Of those who slept in Odin's house last night? 
 Tuoi!. The old night watchman's only out of \new. 
 
 Here {calls loudly) ! Heimdall ! watchman, blockhead, where 
 are you ? 
 
 Enter Heimdall, with ear trumpet, l. 
 
 HiiiM. Here! master Thor, I'm here — you needn't bawl, 
 A whisper brings me, I aint deaf at all. 
 And with this here auricular assistance, 
 I can hear sounds at any given distance. 
 ppi. I'll put him down. 
 Thok. And now, with pa's permission, 
 
 V/e'll have a dance. 
 Odin, {indulgently) We grant our boy's petition. 
 
 {tlie. Gods and Goddesses s<<J)i(Z up; the Orchestra begins a minuet; 
 and they make the first stately motion; Spirit rushes at the 
 middle and signs to Orchestra to stop) 
 
 Spi. No, no, on such stale stuff I place my veto. 
 Except when danced by EUsler and Cerito. 
 Cast it aside (that is if you'll permit, sir) (to Odix) 
 In favour of the very last Gorlitza. 
 
 The Gorlitza is danced. 
 
 Heim. (^who has heen listening through his trumpet) By George— by 
 Jove, by jingo, and by gum, 
 Strike me outrageous ! Well, if that aint rum ! 
 ^}iOw. {starting up) Manners, good Heimdall, mannei-s; don't. you 
 know. 
 Such language is exceptionably low ? _ 
 Heim. I beg your pardon, ma'am, but take this horn. 
 
 You never heard such rows since you were born. 
 
 {All evince curiosity except Balder) 
 Thor. A row, that's my delight {rushes to Heimdall), give me the 
 
 trumpet, 
 
 {listens afeio moments) 
 
 Bah ! Where's your head? I've a good mind to thump it.
 
 THE EXPOSITION. 11 
 
 Call that a row indeed ? 
 Odix. Where, and what is it? (listens) 
 
 Thor. Ifs all the world, I think, paying a visit. 
 
 Thonsands on tlmusands crowding- ships on ships — 
 
 And " England" is the word on all their lips ; 
 
 But there's no clash of arms, no heat of drum — 
 
 Signs that its not as enemies they come — 
 
 And England don't seem manning her defences; 
 
 What is the mad world come to? 
 Sim. To its senses. 
 
 We've thrown away the scabbard many a day, 
 
 But now the sword's thrown after it — away. 
 ^>DIN. I think these new aiTangements most absurd ! 
 
 Of course they're all among the vulgar herd. 
 .Si'i. We know no vulgar herd — that folly's dead — 
 
 We honour all who work for honest bread. 
 
 But those you hear are gathering to a scene 
 
 Planned by a prince — directed by a queen — 
 
 Where princes, queens, and presidents will lead 
 
 Their peaceful armies to a fight indeed ; 
 
 To the great fight where hatred and distrust 
 
 Shall be stiiick down and trampled in the dust. 
 Odix. New-fangled notions ! they won't answer long. 
 
 Rely on this, whatever's new is wrong. 
 Thor. Peace is all stuiF, and man was made to fight. 
 
 As bulls were made to toss and dogs to bite. 
 B.\L. [sleepily) No, I'm for peace, I am. True happiness 
 
 Is doing nothing (ijaviis) and thinking less. 
 Spi. Three old opinions which I hope to shake, 
 
 If you'll but condescend a trip to take. 
 
 Odin, my jolly bigot, you'll behold 
 
 Many new things much better than the old. 
 
 Thor, the bold type of violence, shall see 
 
 That reason teaches peace and unity : 
 
 And indolence, in Balder, own, with shame, 
 
 That energy's the trump in all life's game. 
 
 I'll do it — (not to keep you in the dark) — 
 
 At the Great Exhiljition in Hyde Park; 
 
 Where I invite tlic three. To pass the wickets — 
 
 1 beg to off'er you three season tickets. 
 Odin. You're very good, but no, I must refuse, 
 
 I cannot countenance these novel views. 
 Spi. {gives one to Freya) The sight will be a splendid one on 
 May-day, 
 
 And Odin's ticket will admit a lady. 
 Fre. That's settled — Odin goes. My will, as you know, 
 
 Is law. 
 Odi.v. Henpeckery ! Worse than cousin Juno. 
 
 Well, if 1 must, I must. In what disguise 
 
 Shall I conceal the god, from mortal eyes ?
 
 12 THE EXPOSITION. 
 
 "Spi. Don't waste a miracle or work a spell — 
 
 Tick at a tailor's answers jmst as well. 
 
 Or, if you think the expedient not below you — 
 
 Dress seedily, and then your friends iron I know you- 
 Tkok. I shaU go down in hopes there'll he a riot. 
 .Si-:. There v.'on't. And if there were, you'd best be quiet.- 
 
 For the Blue Crushers are a vigorous race, 
 
 And you might, perhaps, get pepper foi' that ij^.ace. 
 ilAL. Call anybody sleep there ? 
 S^t'i. " If you please. 
 
 Roost with the sparrows in the imprisoned tree=. 
 
 Ko doubt some visitors will close their peepers — 
 
 There is a railway, so there must be sleepers. 
 ^ \ ;i>DESsES. Ain't wc to go ? (Spikit sJial-:es Ms heatli 
 
 Alt, O! isn't that a shame 
 
 In'ak. Spirit, you're quite unworthy of your name; 
 
 The Spirit of the Age, I've heard, delights 
 
 In recognising all a lady's rights. 
 Bri. True, she has rights, but she has also duties — 
 
 Who wouldn't fill the census ivp, my beauties? 
 
 But come, my malice is exceedingly small, 
 
 I^adies, I've season tickets for you all. 
 
 {Repeat of the Opening Chorus ; as it ends clovch come dwrn ni 
 fronts forming 
 
 SCENE II. 
 
 Enter Thoe. 
 
 Ihok. This scene's a carpenters — it won't take long. 
 But v/liile it lasts, I'll just attempt a song. 
 Which (ill accordance witli the rules of art) 
 Has not the least connexion with my part ; 
 But will allow the carpenters behind 
 To set next scene, as when I've done, you"ll fauU 
 
 Son(], Thou. Air, "/n the merry month of May: 
 
 In tlie merry month of May 
 
 (Stranger crowds to England come, 
 Jilarching, all, I'm happy to say. 
 
 To better tunes than the sound of the drum. 
 A few old women whose wits are lame. 
 
 (And better far if their tongues were dumb) 
 Alone thought fit to abuse and blame 
 
 The exhibition to which all come.
 
 THE EXPOSITION, 13 
 
 Piags are flying, not for fight, 
 
 And greetings leap from the cannon's bore, 
 As a joUy host, with friends in sight. 
 
 Welcomes them all with a cordial roar. 
 
 In the merry month, &c. 
 
 Old John Bull he can hold his own. 
 
 Enemies never found him shy, 
 But he wisely hopes that in peace alone 
 
 His future mettle tlie world M'ill try. 
 
 In the merry month, &c. 
 
 Up with cups — may the best man win, 
 
 To borrow a line in Shakspeare found. 
 We'll cup us while the world goes in, 
 
 And we'll " cup us while the world goes round.'' 
 In the merry month, &c. 
 
 Health to the prince whose thought designed, 
 
 The fairy hall for the great world's fair. 
 And health to all who may feel inclined, 
 To take their chance of a fairing there. 
 
 In the merry month, &c. 
 
 Exit Thou, i,. 
 
 SCENE III.— Paut of the Pakx. 
 
 The ivlidlc staqe. Drop View of the Great Exhibition in the distance; 
 visitors icalhiny about, v:lio fjradxialhj clear off. 
 
 Enter Fkeva, Xauma, and Sxowtra, in morning dresses, l. 
 
 FuK. And now, my dears, thanks to the spirit's aid. 
 
 We have foiind otit the plot these — gods have laid, 
 
 Who would have thought it ? 
 Xak. I couldn't have believed it, 
 
 Sxo. Bucli artfulness. One could not liave conceived it. 
 Fi:E. Disguised as men they're wandering up and down, 
 
 Taking their pleasure everywhere in town, 
 
 ^^'hile we arc left without a man at all 
 
 To hail an onmibus or hold a sliawl. 
 
 Ought it to be endured ? 
 .N'au. It ought not, true. 
 
 But what can three poor helpless v.-omen ilo ? 
 
 A helpless woman ! ^^'ord of aggravation — 
 
 There is not such a thing in all creation. 
 
 We'll help ourselves, don't fear ! 
 Sno. But lufs take care 
 
 Not to sr.y more to them than they will licar. 
 Vrv.. Snowtr". I understand you. Narina here, 
 
 Has, li!. ■ myself, nothing that she can fear ;
 
 14 THE EXrOSSTIOX. 
 
 We're mamed, so defy our lords. 
 Nau. Of course. 
 
 Sno. Yet angry lords sue sometimes for divorce. 
 Fke. No — while that luxury costs a thousand pounds, 
 
 It keeps the men's vile temper within bounds ! 
 Nar. We've made our minds up, and declare for war. 
 Nau. You, Snowtra, having set your cap at Thor, 
 
 Fear to offend him, female ; vengeance wreaking '? 
 
 AVould I — 'Oh, tcould I show myself so sneaking .-' 
 Sko. The phrase is vulgar, and the charge unjust. 
 
 {hursti into ttan<) 
 Nar. {tauntinr/lij) Tears — -pretty dear — she's paid to lay the dust. 
 Sno. {tauntingh/) It's natural that one shouldn't care to keep 
 
 A husband who spends all his time in sleep. 
 Nar. Oh, is it, miss ? Your knowledge is but small, 
 
 Better a sleepy spouse than none at all. 
 Fre. You silly girls, what foolish taunts to throw. 
 
 Can't you unite against the common foe ? 
 
 Kiss, and be friends, my dears. 
 Nau. Mamma, you're right, 
 
 Snowtra, I did not mean to speak in spite. 
 a.so. You're pardoned, dear, I'd add a kiss unto it, 
 
 Were there one envious man to see me do it. 
 FuE. Now for revenge ! 
 
 Enter Spirit. 
 
 Spi. a lady spoke, I'm sure, 
 
 Framing a plot your faithless friends to cure ? 
 I'm at your service. 
 
 Fke. But may we rely 
 
 Upon your truth, and that you're not a spy? 
 
 Hn. Spy? nonsense! I'll stand by yoix, never fear. 
 Now look ! your lords will presentl_y be here. 
 Each is in costume, and they trust your eyes, 
 Though you should meet, won't see tlirough their disguise. 
 And now they'i-e from connubial bondage free, 
 Tliey mean to have what people call a spree. 
 
 Fre. Thor's single — Balder's young, 
 
 Nar. {indignanthj) And so's his wife. 
 
 Fre. But as for Odin, at his time of life — 
 
 Talking of " sprees," with one foot in the — gout. 
 Excuse the coarseness, but I'll serve him out. 
 
 Spi. In other days the remedy was easy, 
 
 A new spouse, if the old one didn't please ye. 
 But husbands now are scarce, the prudent way 
 Is, patch up what you've got, as best you may. 
 
 Fre. And pray what special sin does my old sinner 
 Select — a night at cards, a Blackwall dinner ?
 
 THE EXPOSITION. 15 
 
 Sri. Why no, not that, his money and digestion 
 
 Ave safe, but — 
 Vrk. Ha ! sir, you evade my question. 
 
 8peak, will you? 
 Sn. (i/ruffii/) AVould it give you pain to learn. 
 
 His taste takes— quite— an — amatoiy turn ? 
 1"i:k. Ill— I'll— I'll— yes— no— I'll, I'll— never mind. 
 
 {loallcs uhont) 
 Nak. {anxmtsli/J Dear Balder never could be so unkind. 
 Si'i. If anything I think he's rather worse, 
 
 Just now he met a baby and its niu'se. 
 \ak. {eagerhi) Yes, he likes babies. Well? [aside) I'm all on pins, 
 Spi. He chucked the child under its various chins 
 Nar. Xo harm in that. 
 .Spi. No, and declared it fairer 
 
 Than any child he'd seen, so kissed the bearer. 
 Nak. He did, and not one thunderbolt descended 
 
 To punish him — my dream of life is ended. 
 
 {walks about) 
 .Sno. I hardly like after these tales of woe, 
 
 To ask what Thor is doing. 
 ^^PI. Thor, don't know. 
 
 Fresh from the new "Symposium" there, I met him — 
 
 Looking at some one, drinking has upset him. 
 
 'Twas not the poor god's fault, you mustn't blame him, 
 
 Though used to " Nectar," Soyer's overcame him. 
 
 You'd hardly know him, reeling through the streets, 
 
 Winking at every pretty girl he meets. 
 S.NO. Farewell, good manners, since his love's a mockery, 
 
 (Tcese have been cooked ere now — I'll study cookery. 
 
 (walks ahout) 
 Si'i. A sporting picture, one that should be seen, 
 
 In Mr. Ackerman's Green Magazine. 
 
 Here are two wives both coming to the scratch, 
 
 And Snowtra clearly walking for a match. 
 
 Chorus, Three Goddesses, Air — " A Poor Simple Maiden am J." 
 {sung with violent gestures of anger) 
 
 No poor simple maiden am I, 
 And no poor simple maiden am I, 
 
 But a lady, who knows 
 
 To herself wliat she owes. 
 And holds up her head wherever slie goes. 
 
 For no po(n- simple maiden am I , 
 
 I know of these men the ways 
 
 How in raking they'd spend their days, 
 
 And I know right well 
 
 That their love's a "sell," 
 And I'll show the wretches I dare rebel, 
 
 For no poor simple maiden am I,
 
 16 THE EXPOSITION. 
 
 Sno. Ah ! don't yoii hear that laughing. They're in view. 
 
 (iourjKSSES. Away ! away ! 
 
 Fi!E. {to Spirit) We've settled v,'hat to do. 
 
 Exeuiil Goddesses hastilij, L. 
 
 Enter Odin, Thok, and Balder, arm in arm, Untghbuj^ k. 
 
 Odjn. Now, boys, we'll separate ; each one take his v.'ay ; 
 
 Take my advice too — be discreetly gay. 
 
 Good men are happy. Knowledge comes fro;Ti reading. 
 
 Evil communications spoil good breeding. 
 
 Prudence commands respect. Delay brings danger. 
 
 A horse eats off his head at rack and manger. 
 
 Bounty ensures esteem. A bird in hand 
 
 Is worth two birds not caught, you understand. 
 
 Virtue's a sure foundation, build upon it 
 
 (aside, looJdng of J Hang it, I've quite lost sight of that pink 
 bonnet ! Exit, l. 
 
 Thor. {drunk) These earthly wines must be adulterated — 
 
 I almost think I feel ob — ob — fuscated. 
 Bal. Whether or not it's parting from one's wife, 
 
 I never felt so brisk in all my life. (stVs o>i bench, l.) 
 
 Spi. Well, gods, how are you '? 
 'i'noR. Gods, sir ! what d'ye say V 
 
 I'll knock your head off if you talk that way. 
 
 I think you're drunk, sir. It's an awful sign 
 
 To see a j'oung man overcome by wine. 
 
 Stojid still, sir, will you ? or I'll lay you flat ; 
 
 And don't keep walking round and round like that. ^ 
 S?pi. You know me, Thor ? 
 Thor. (fiercely) No, nor don't want to know you ! 
 
 Pray tell me if there's anything I owe you? 
 
 Nothing ? I thought as much. 8ir, how d'ye dare 
 
 To stop a gentleman ? Stand still, sir— thei-e ! 
 
 If there's one sight more horrid than another. 
 
 That sight's a drunkard. Make a point to smother 
 
 Your passion for the bottle — cure such cravings — 
 
 Study George Cruiclcshank's excellent engravings. 
 
 The world turns round — 
 fSpj. More proof of your discorning ; 
 
 The Polytechnic people show it turning. 
 
 Thor, you must kuov/ mc, 
 Thor. {becomes maudlin) Oh, my heart will burst ! 
 
 My boy, I knew you from the very flrst. 
 
 I love you — 'pon my soul, my boy, I do. 
 
 You don't believe it, but I swear it's true. 
 
 We should all love each other — what a place 
 
 The world would be if that could be the case — 
 
 Loving each other like the innocent lambs 
 
 Sporting about beside their blessed dams. 
 
 Yes, I said dams, sir! I don't care a jot. 
 
 ( uereehj) Do you believe 1 love you, sir, or not
 
 THE EXPOSITION. 17 
 
 Tell me the truth, sir, without fear or dread, 
 And if you say you dori't, I'll break your head. 
 SpT. A lady "wauts to see you. 
 Tii',::. [lamjldng cunnin'jhj) Oh, no doubt. 
 
 You sly young dog, take care what you're about. 
 A lady— well, it would not be a crime, [voncdtttV. ij) 
 
 There's many a lady"s liked me in her time : 
 This leg's not bad— this waist's not very thick — 
 But, manner traps them — manner does "the trick, 
 (."opy my manner and you'll win the day. 
 AVhere is the lady, you young rascal, eh ? 
 Sri. Coming. On yonder beiich take up j'our station — 
 
 Spare her the pain of the first declaration. 
 Thor. Bless her, I will. I'll tell her that I see 
 No wonder in her madly loving me. 
 One should be delicate, discreet, and civil— 
 These benches are as slippery as tlie devil. 
 
 {goes to bench, n., and is soon axhcp) 
 Si'i. (f9 Balder) What are you doing, Balder ? 
 I'.xh. ' Why, sir, waiting 
 
 To gain an oliject very captivating. 
 I want a place where I can take my seat. 
 Free from all bustle, trouble, noise, and heat. 
 Be just amused with what goes on aruund one. 
 But without sharing in it, and I've found one — " 
 The man's to meet me here about it, soon. 
 >:•:. I'rav mav I ask what man? 
 
 ii^i,. ■ ' Tlie Man in the Moon. 
 
 S;-i. I see, but if I read your riddle rigiit. 
 
 That House won't answer your description quite. 
 Some years ago your bargain had been fair, 
 But tliev're beginning now to know me there. 
 And where the Spirit of the Age is seen 
 The idle men are few and far between. 
 Do you see von monster building? 
 
 (^Houses of Farliamc-ut i> fli'J I'ifiiure) 
 Bai. It appears 
 
 Unfinished. 
 Si'i. Aye, and will be so for years. 
 
 That'.-i where you want to go. 
 };v,. And how get in ? 
 
 Sn. Some men do that by brass, and some by tin ; 
 
 The first requires hard work, tlic next hard casli — 
 The latter is your plan— but don't be rash. 
 Tolks may get in with tickets made of gold, 
 I'.ut if the ticket's cancelled, folks are sold. 
 I5ai.. Yes, but I'm told that there are ways- 
 There arc — 
 Direct to Newgate, from the Connnons' bar. 
 WTietlier with crowded sail a slaver runs 
 Swift from an English cruiser's shattering guns, 
 
 Ml.
 
 18 THE EXPOSITION. 
 
 Or home-bred knavery meaner man-traps tries — 
 Kidnapping's awkward work in Englisli eyes. 
 But I've a notion (aside) yes, I think 'twill do— 
 The rising moon gets a rise ocut of you._ _ Rrit, i; 
 
 Bal. There's no repose about that restless spint, 
 Vires euiido, as they say, acqidriL 
 
 Enter Odin, l. 
 
 Odik. I can't meet that pink boimet, liigh or low, 
 It's owner's a coquette to treat me &:>- 
 
 incs- 
 
 Sit. 
 
 Enter a kirrfe Party of both sexes, imth tickets; in coat a 
 of all ranks and natiom ; some of the men with moustaches, 
 others idth Oriental caps; a Workman with a broini paper 
 cap; one in a blue blouse; they are led on bj] the SniuT «k 
 THE Age ; Thor comes iqK 
 
 Chorus fas they come on), \st verse of Thor's son;/^ 
 
 In tlie meny month of May 
 
 Stranger crowds to England come \ 
 
 Marching all, we're happy to say 
 
 To better tunes than the sound of the dr mm. 
 
 Odin. Misgnidcd creatures, whither do ye stray ? 
 Spi. To yonder palace, and I lead the way. 
 
 Come with us. 
 Odix. 1 ! The company I see 
 
 Is — you'll excuse me — far too mixed for me. 
 
 Yet it's the " Prince's Mixture." Your rebuff 
 
 Shows you by no means up to social snuff. 
 Odin, {moodily) The good old days ! 
 Spi. a phrase, with nothing in it — 
 
 Surely the world gets older every minute ; 
 
 "VMser and happier 
 
 Odin. No, the thought is sad ; 
 
 These are bad times. 
 Spi. The best we've ever had. 
 
 Ask yonder workman. 
 OiiiN. Come,, friend, tell me true, 
 
 How do these boasted times agree with you ? 
 
 How go the things the labourer wants to buy ? 
 Work. Sir, we've cheap food — and know the reason why. 
 Odin. The country's ruined— they'll soon feel it, won't they? 
 Si'i. The Excise and Customs look like ruin, don't they ? 
 
 John Bull likes grumbling, but his ledger mends it, 
 
 Shewing he makes no end of cash — and spends it. 
 Odin. That's a French rival I see standing there ! 
 Work. Sir, he's my friend and brother. 
 Fkf.nc HMAN. C'est mon frere. 
 
 {they shale hands)
 
 THE EXPOSITION, !!> 
 
 WoKK. Yonder's a watch we wish th.at you should see: 
 
 lie chased the case, the works were made by me. 
 I'hor. Ha ! a French watch ^vith English works, old cock. 
 
 Will quickly show all Europe whafs o'clock. 
 Si>r. Friends from all corners of the earth have come. 
 
 Our cousin Germans are af course at home. 
 
 Oiu' great glass beehive ample cells supplies, 
 
 Alike for Attic bees and Spanish flies. 
 
 We've Sandwich Islanders and sons of Ham, 
 
 And whafs three thousand miles to uncle Sam ? 
 
 His seven-leagued boots cleared at a nine -day's Lap, 
 
 The ditch we used to call the Atlantic deep. 
 
 The more the merrier. England's flag mifurled, 
 
 Welcomes the friendly flags of all the world. 
 
 Come with us to tlie palace. 
 Odix. • It's outrageous, 
 
 But sociality must be contagious. 
 
 {they go off singin (J the verse of Thor's song vnth which they loiue. 
 on; leaving hats, handkerchiefs, dec. 
 
 r.AL. {ri,sesfrom bench) That row's detestable. I'd make it death 
 For any snob to speak above his breath. 
 
 Enter Snowtka, veiled^ she comes vp to h 
 
 im. 
 
 S.vo. (coH/?f7cn<mZ/y) You are expecting someone. I am here, 
 
 InstesKl of that same person — 
 Hat . Well, my dear, 
 
 S.Mi. Business is business. 
 H.<i.. Is it? I don't doubt it. 
 
 It's deuced little that I know about it. 
 S.NO. You want a seat in — hush ! you know the figure, 
 Bal. If so, I'm an unmitigated nigger. 
 
 Ma'am, I know nothing. 
 Sno. Cautious! well, that's right. (/(o7<7.s' up three pi!<;ir>i)i 
 
 Hal. Three fingers — yes, ma'am, they seear ver}- wliite. 
 
 Two Policemen and Spirit come on and. iratrl,, 
 
 S.so. Three thottsand. Do yo» take ? 
 
 Hal. N&rldonot. 
 
 Sn«. I said three thonsand. 
 
 Bal. Bttt three thoasand what!' 
 
 Sxo. Lodged at the banker's — sovereigns are the bcht — 
 
 That's all you know, your friends will do the rest. 
 
 If they're so naughty as to bribe or treat. 
 
 You didn't do it, so you'll keep your .seat. 
 Hal. Still I don't think I understand you well, 
 
 Wliat do you bring to market ? 
 Ss", ("•;'//* cry of Jishiroman) Votes to sell.
 
 20 THE EXPOSITION. 
 
 Hong, SxoWTRA, Air, " I'm afloat, I'm afloat." 
 
 I've a vote, I've a vote, and j'our price shall decide, 
 Whether you or your rival, the nation shall guide. 
 I've a conscience elastic, from prejudice free, 
 I've a vote, I've a vote, so fork over to me. 
 I heed not the oatli, and I dread not the law. 
 No fear of a check, wliile a cheque you can draw. 
 I'm a patriot waiting a patriot's fee, 
 I'A'e a vote, I've a vote, so fork over to me. 
 
 Bal. I thought that ladies had no votes, ma'am. 
 Hno. Pity! 
 
 They sell 'em somehow — ask the last committe. 
 Bal. • I see-^ {Jie 2'mi/s her some soverci;/ns) 
 
 1 Off. And so do I. ■ {they seiie him; she rims off) 
 
 2 Off. A thoroiigh rascal. 
 
 1 Off. Thorougli. 
 
 Conspiring to bribe some A'irtuous borough ; 
 Off with liim. 
 
 2 Off. To the treadmill for a century. 
 
 " M. P." indeed — yes — Millbank Penitentiaiy. 
 
 {they drafi him iff. v.y 
 
 ,Spi. Corruption's jacket's better for such dustings — 
 We'll h.ave no golden stairs to English hustings. 
 I'll bail him out, though. E.rit, is. 
 
 Enter Thoe, maJdny love to Nakma, veiled. 
 
 Thor. Come, my dearest creature, 
 
 Eemove tliat veil and show each lovely feature. 
 
 Nar. {affectedly) You men are all so false. 
 
 Thor. Don't say a!!, pray. 
 
 Nak. You know you don't mean half the things you say. 
 
 Thou. All, and much more. I love you to distraction — 
 I'll swear it, if that's any satisfaction. 
 
 Nar. {aside} It would be if my Balder only heard — 
 
 {he tries to tale her hand) 
 I vv'on't allow it — don't be so absurd. 
 Why, you're a stranger to me, and you know 
 We girls can't be too pnident. 
 
 Thor. Can't you, though V 
 
 I'm glad of that. My love, my name is — a — Brown — 
 I'm Captain in the Guards — well known on town ; 
 I'm rich, my drag and horses are the thing, 
 My cab's about the neatest in the ring. 
 As you shall say. We'll go and buy a dress, 
 Or bracelet, just my passion to express. 
 And then I'll drive you down the road to dine — 
 Kichmond — or Kew — or Greenwich — choose your lino —
 
 THE EXPOSITION, 21 
 
 Believe me I adoi-e you, and I'm your's 
 
 For life (aside) which means but while the whim endures. 
 Nar. {asidej Such baits may do for milhners, dear Thor — 
 
 I'm not the sort of thing you take me for. 
 Thok. I take you for an angel, both in face 
 
 And feelings — so, permit me one embrace. 
 
 Balder 25 hroiigitt on hy Spirit. 
 Bai.. My wife, my wife — the unfraternal buffer. 
 
 {(j'ive-9 Thor a tremendous slap in ike fuci) 
 Sir, that is conduct wliich I will not not suffer. 
 Thor. Ha I a vile blow. {tuchs up his sleeves) 
 
 Look out — my first one, two 
 Will certainly be one too much for you. (fcdls into attitude) 
 
 Bai.. {tucks iqy his sleeves) I'm no great dab at fists or the cold iron, 
 But now you've roused the Scandinavian lion. 
 
 {they spar a little) 
 
 Si'i. You foolish lads, rememljer where you are — 
 We're much too near that Crystal for a spar. 
 
 Thor. No, 'twill remind this inconsiderate elf 
 He made an exhibition of himself. 
 Come on. {they scuffle) 
 
 Enter Freta, beating on Odix iiith Iter bonnet. 
 
 FiiE. So,, sir, I'll teach you morals. 
 
 Oiny. ^ P'reya, stop — 
 
 What have I done to merit such a whop ? 
 Fre. He tried to kiss me. 
 OniN". Well, upon my life 
 
 It'.s something when a man mayn't kiss his wife. 
 Fke. Ha ! monster, but you didn't think 'twas me 
 
 That you were making love to. 
 <)ui.\. That may be. 
 
 Fre. (bitterly) He put his arm so fondly round my waist 
 
 And whispered — 
 Onix. Yes, small credit to my taste. 
 
 Fke. But I will be revenged, you brute, I will. (flies at him) 
 
 l iiOK. (to Balder) Come on, I say? 
 
 Showtra rushes in and throws her arms round Balder. 
 
 No, you shan't treat him ill. 
 Nar. What's that? Her arms about my husband's neck. 
 
 (throws off ceil ) 
 I'mor. What, Narma — here's an unexpected check — , 
 
 Almost checkmate. 
 Nar. No, there's my mate, (to Sxowtra) 1 say, 
 
 How dare you touch my husband, come away !
 
 22 THE EXPOSITION. 
 
 J^.\<i. How dare you flirt with him, that's pretty, truly, 
 Married too ! — Take your poppy. 
 
 {paslies Balder to her) 
 
 Ma i:. Take your bully. 
 
 {pushes Thor tu her) 
 
 {they cdl use violent gestures to each ether) 
 
 KvERVBODY at oHte. I'll tell you what it is — it seems to me, 
 You're all no better than you ought tn be. 
 
 Sim. This state of thmgs admits of one solution. 
 
 Earth's air don't .suit a heavenly constitution. 
 Take my advice, take too the earliest train, . 
 And get to Scandinavia back again. 
 Do penance there, like hermits, saints, or dervises. 
 Until some other author wants your services. 
 I'll make it easy for you. Clouds, descend, 
 And with a chorus let our trifle end. 
 
 (douds come down as Spirit speaks, and the Orchestra plans, 
 " We fly hy Night f^ suddenly clouds rise and discover the Gods. 
 a^ in SCENE I. ; coloured fire) 
 
 Chorus — ^^Long live the King, Gustavus III." 
 
 Home, all home, in our halls again 
 
 We'll slug with all oer might and main 
 The old, but well remembered strain, 
 " No place like home !" 
 
 But strangers on our coasts 
 
 Will meet a welcome here ; 
 They'll find us cordial hosts, 
 
 They'll leave us friends sincere. 
 Home, all home, in our halls again. 
 We'll hope the public won't disdain 
 Our ncw' found home. 
 
 Ciirtam. 
 
 rrhitcd by 'Jhomas SioH.ff'aniickCoitrt, Holborn.
 
 Scene — representing various illustrations of the life of 
 Shaespebe. 
 
 Enter the Ghost of Shaespeee, followed hy the PoPULiE 
 
 Comedian, l. The Ghost paces round the stage. 
 
 Com. "Wliither wilt thou lead me ? 
 Speak — I'll go no farther. 
 
 Ghost. Mark me ! 
 
 Com. I will. 
 
 Ohost. I am old Shakspere's spirit, 
 
 Doom'd for a certain term to walk the earth, 
 And on the stage draw tolerable houses, — 
 Till, by the taste of a discerning age. 
 For monster drums and Ethiopian bards 
 Driven to make a way ; — but that I am forbid 
 To charm the pubhc is not what has cans' d 
 My troubled spirit to revisit earth : 
 I can a tale unfold of recent wrongs. 
 Whose Ughtest word would harrow up a aoul
 
 U PEOLOGTTE. 
 
 Of gutta perclia touglmess — freeze thy blood — 
 
 Make thy two eyes like cabs start fi'om their stands — 
 
 And each particular orb to roU and stretch 
 
 Like pictui'es of the fretful hippopotamus 
 
 At the Zoological ! List ! list ! oh, Hst ! 
 
 If ee'r thou didst old Stratford William love — 
 
 Com. Good gracious ! 
 
 Ghost. Reyenge hia foul and most unnatural murder. 
 
 Com. Murder ! 
 
 Ghost. Mirrder most foul I've been accustom'd to — 
 And in the ordinary way don't mind it — 
 But this most foul, strange, and unnatural — 
 
 Com. Haste me to know it, that I, 
 
 With wings as swift as carrier-pigeon on the Derby 
 
 Day, 
 May sweep to my revenge. 
 
 Ghost. I find thee apt ; — 
 
 And duller shouldst thou be than the dead cats 
 That rot in countless shoals on Thames's banks, 
 Didst thou not stir in this? — You've seen my 
 " Tempest ?" 
 
 Com. Some time ago. 
 
 Ghost. Ah — well — 'twas given out — that — (pardon me, 
 
 A ghost must have his feelings) — rumour reached me, 
 That the whole ear of London 
 Was by a forged process of my " Tempest" 
 Eankly abus'd— and know, thou noble youth — 
 With serpents and trombones disguised, my piece 
 Now scares the town. 
 
 Com. Oh, my prophetic soul ! the Opera ! 
 
 Ghost. Aye — that most queer and het'rogeneous dish, — 
 With witchcraft and old fairy tales dress' d up, — 
 (SLagTilar taste 1 that could on Shakspere graft
 
 PEOLOGUE. Ul 
 
 Old " Mother Bunch") bringing to " Tom Thumb's" 
 
 level 
 The plot of my most seeming perfect play. 
 Oh gracious ! what a dreadful sight was there 
 For me, or any other anxious parent ! 
 My tricksy Ariel in a ballet skirt — 
 The fairy of a Clmstmas pantomime ! 
 My Caliban — a melodrama villain — 
 Beai'ing Miranda off — (stol'n incident 
 From Grindoff in the " Miller and his Men !") 
 And then resortmg to an ancient scheme 
 From " Harlequin and the Three Wishes" borrowed. 
 Oh horrible! — oh horrible ! — most horrible! — 
 If thou hast nature in thee, bear it not — 
 Do somethhig, please — I'm not particular what — 
 But soft — an odoiir wafts along the wall— 
 Methinks I scent an early breakfast stall — 
 I must get home — I'm not aUow'd a key — 
 Adieu ! — adieu ! — adieu ! — remember me ! 
 
 Exit I. 
 Com. Remember thee ! — Aye, thou poor Ghost ! ee'n while 
 Memory holds seat 'neath this distracted tile, 
 I will avenge thee for this outrage vile, 
 But how? — stop! — yes, — "The Enchanted Isle." 
 Beat them on their own ground,— the play's the 
 
 thing. 
 We'll out-burlesque them ! — Ho ! there ! Prompter, 
 
 ring! 
 
 Exit L,
 
 )- 
 
 v
 
 THE ENCHA 
 
 SLE; 
 
 OB, 
 
 "EAISING THE WIND" OS THE MOST 
 APPEOVED PRINCIPLES : 
 
 A DRAMA 
 
 WITHOUT THE SMALLEST CLAIM TO LEGITIMACY, CONSISTENCY, 
 PROBABILITY, OR ANYTHING ELSE BUT ABSURDITY; ^ 
 
 IN WHICH WILL BE FOUND MUCH THAT IS UNACCOUNTABLY 
 
 COINCIDENT WITH SHAKSPERE S 'TEMPEST 
 
 >) 
 
 BY THE 
 
 BROTHERS BROUGH. 
 
 AS FIRST PERFORMED AT THE 
 
 THEATRE ROYAL, ADELPHI, 
 
 AND REVIVED AT THE 
 
 THEATRE ROYAL, HAYMARKET. 
 
 CORRECTLY PRINTED FROM THE PROMPTER'S COPY, 
 
 WITH THE CAST OF CHARACTERS, SCENIC ARRANGEMENTS, 
 
 SIDES OF ENTRANCE AND EXIT, AND RELATIVE POSITIONS 
 
 OF THE DRAMATIS PERSON*. 
 
 SPLENDIDLY ILITTSTEATED WITH AN ENGEATING, 
 BY Sir. BEEWEE, 
 
 Taken during the Representation of the Piece. 
 
 LONDON : 
 
 PCBLISnED AT THE NATIONAL ACTING DBAMA OFFICE, 
 19, BUFFOLK STREET, PALL MALL EAST; "NASSAtT STEAM 
 press" 60, ST. martin's lane, CHARING CROSS ; TO BE 
 HAD OF STRANGE. PATERNOSTER ROW; WISEHEART, SUFFOLK 
 STREET, DUBLIN; AND ALL RESPECTABLE BOOKSELLERS.
 
 DRAMATIS PERSONS. 
 
 First Performed at the Adelphi Theatre, Monday, Nov. 20, 1848. 
 
 < 
 
 ADELPHI. 
 ALONZO, {one of the numerous'^ 
 instances now-a-days of a Monarch C Mr. P. Bedford. 
 all abroad aud quite at sea.) .) 
 
 FERDINAND, (his son, a fast ^ .^^ Woolgar. 
 jnan, thrown loose upon the waves.) j 
 
 GONZALO, (a Minister in a"^ 
 queer State, with many hankerings > Mr. Waye. 
 after the Home Department.) . j 
 
 PROSPERO, (a IVizard of the -s 
 North,Souih, East, and West Wi7ids, / 
 an exiled Monarch, who, iri his ad- V Mr, O. Smith, 
 verses of fortune, is blessed with \ 
 excellent spirits.) . . . . ^ 
 
 ARIEL, {a Magic Page from') ^ , 
 Shalispere's Magic Volume.) . j 
 
 Celeste. 
 
 HAY-MARKET. 
 Mr. James Bland. 
 
 Mrs. Fitzwilliam. 
 
 Mr. Rogers. 
 
 Mr. Charles Selby. 
 
 Miss P. HORTON. 
 
 CALIBAN, (a smart, active lad,\ 
 wanted [^by Prospero] to make him- I 
 self generally useful, hut by no \ 
 means inclined to do so — an Heredi- )Mr. MUNYARD, 
 tary Bondsman, who, in his deter- | 
 mination to he free, takes the most\ 
 fearful liberties.) .... 
 
 MIRANDA, [the original Miss'\ 
 Robinson Crusoe — Prospero's pet C Miss M. Taylor. 
 a«rf Ferdinand's passioji.) . .^ 
 
 COURTIERS, {without a Court \ 
 to shelter in.) . . . .J 
 
 LORDS, {doomed to short Com- \ 
 mons.) ) 
 
 FOREIGN P.ROPACA IMDISTS. 
 
 EASA DI BACCASTOPPA, 
 
 {Captain of the "Naples Direct" 
 
 Steamer, first seen on the paddle- (" Mr. C. J. Smith. 
 
 box, but subsequently discovered in 
 
 the wrong box.) . . . . 
 
 SMUTTIFACIO, {a Neapolitan^ 
 Stoker, very badly off in the com- > Mr. Sanders. 
 modify of Naples soap.) . . ) 
 
 Mr. BUCKSTONE. 
 
 Mrs.L. S. Buckingham 
 
 Mr. Caulfield. 
 
 Mr. Clark.
 
 COSTTTME. 
 
 FAIRIES, 
 
 Whom, in consequence of the disturbed state of the times, it has 
 been found necessary to swear in as Special Constables, whose 
 names are neither here nor there, but who will be found here, there, 
 and everywhere. 
 
 COSTUME 
 
 ALONZO — Brown pilot coat, blue pantaloons, crimson straps 
 trimmed with gold, russet boots, pink spotted neck handker- 
 chief, with crown. 
 
 FERDINAND — Blue jacket trimmed with gold, pink striped 
 shirt, white skirt, trimmed ditto, red pantaloons, red sash, 
 gold fringe, straw hat, bound with blue, ditto band, blue 
 Joinville, black shoes, crimson puffs, sword and star. 
 
 GONZALO — Lavender-colored shape, trimmed with silver, blue 
 and white striped hose, white cravat, modern hat, russet shoes. 
 
 PROSPERO — Black velvet gown, vest, pantaloons, shoes, college 
 cap, with gold tassel and scarlet girdle ; change to crimson 
 velvet gown, trimmed with magic figures. 
 
 CALIBAN — Short white pinafore, white frill, green patched 
 trousers, blue striped hose, laced black boots. 
 
 EASADI BACCASTOPPA— Blue pilot coat, blue striped shirt, 
 petticoat trousers, blue border, red pantaloons, russet boots, 
 blue and white spotted cravat, and sou'-wester. 
 
 SMUTTIFACIO— Canvass jacket, blue striped shirt, petticoat 
 trousers, red pantaloons, highlow shoes, black glazed cap. 
 
 LORDS. 
 
 1st — Buff velvet wrapper, blue cravat, under dress scarlet and 
 white shape, trimmed with silver, black hat, colored plume, 
 black shoes, crimson puffs. 
 
 2nd — Purple velvet tunic, trimmed with gold, black breeches, 
 white silk hose, shoes and buckles, large police cape, black velvet 
 hat, colored plume. 
 
 3rd — Crimson Newmarket coat, with blue sleeves, trimmed with 
 ermine and gold, blue pantaloons, gold stripe, black boots, 
 with ermine tops, white cravat, modern hat, colored plume. 
 
 4th — Black coat and breeches, scarlet straps, trimmed with gold 
 over russet boots and flesh hose, silver helmet, horse hair red 
 tail, blue silk stock, long buff sword belt, large buckle. 
 
 th — Scarlet regimental coat, trimmed with gold, blue full 
 breeches, amber straps, trimmed with silver, flesh hose, Albert 
 hat, russet boots.
 
 4 COSTTTMB. 
 
 6th— Violet colored velvet jacket, trimmed with gold, vrhite satin 
 puffs, black velvet cloak, trimmed with gold, scarlet plaid 
 trousers, buff hat, scarlet band, colored plume, modern boots. 
 
 SOLDIERS— Scarlet coats, breast-plates over buffskirts, with red 
 border, flesh hose, black sandals, and Albert hat. 
 
 MIRANDA— Blue satin dress, trimmed with silver, straw hat, 
 black silk mantle, pink parasol. 
 
 ARIEL — White gauze petticoat, green velvet jacket, with gilt 
 buttons, page's black hat. 
 
 FAIRIES — White net dresses, blue gauze aprons and braces, 
 trimmed with silver, caps trimmed with blue and silver. 
 
 Time of Representation, One Hour and Thirty Minutes. 
 
 BXPLANATION OP THE STAGE DIRECTIONS, 
 
 L. means first entrance, left. R. first entrance, ri'jht. S.E.L. second 
 entrance, left. S.E.R. second entrance, right. U. E. L. unper en- 
 trance, left. U.E B. upper entrance, right. C. Centre L.C. left centre. 
 R.C. right centre. T.E.L. third entrance, left. T.E.R third entrance, 
 right. Observing, you are supposed to face the audience.
 
 THE ENCHANTED ISLE. 
 
 Scene I. — A romantic Dell in the Island. — An as^embla^e 
 of Fairies with staves in their hands, and bits of ribbons round 
 their arms, k la Special Constables. 
 
 CHORUS. 
 Tune — " The King of the Cannibal Islands." 
 
 In blithe attendance here we wait 
 Upon our mighty Lord so great, 
 That most illustrious potentate, 
 
 The King of the Magical Island. 
 At his command we take up sticks. 
 And thus in martial phalanx fix, 
 Prepared to play all sorts of tricks — 
 As vulgar people say — like bricks ! 
 No matter how soon our tasks begin. 
 Though we don't know why we've been sworn in ; 
 But what's the odds if the thanks we win 
 Of the King of the Magical Island ? 
 
 [Dance to the mnsic of chorus, the Fairies knocking 
 their staves together. 
 
 1st F. I wonder now what this is all about ; 
 
 They've sworn us in, and also called us out; 
 But what's it for? Can any one explain 
 Why we have thus been put in special trainl 
 •2nd P. I can't for one — to me 'tis most mysterious ; 
 
 This s^;^appointment, though, looks rather serious. 
 It scarcely suits my notions of propriety. 
 Being a member of the Peace Society.
 
 6 THE EKCHANTED ISLE. 
 
 3rd F. Nor mine. 1 rather fear our destined course 
 Is not consistent with a moral force 
 Like ours — 
 4th F. Have a little patience, pray. 
 
 Just wait till Ariel comes, when, I dare say, 
 He'll tell us everything. (Music. Ariel appears.) 
 
 Well, that is rum ; 
 Talk of the — you know who — he's sure to come. 
 
 [Fairies flock round Ariel. 
 1st F. Well, Ariel. What's the row? 
 2nd F. Ah 1 what's the matter ? 
 
 3rd F. What's up ? 
 4-th F. What's happened ? 
 
 Ari. Cease this dreadful clatter. 
 
 Silence, I say — attention ! (All drop their staves.) 
 
 Stand at ease? 
 I can't have "cries to question" such as these. 
 Attend to me 1 
 Fairies. Order! Hear, hear! Bravo. 
 
 Ari. Can't you be quiet? Listen now, and know 
 
 Your duties for the day. — You'll find them various. 
 You'll have to deal with schemes the most nefarious- 
 Tasks the most arduous too — but never mind ; 
 Your first job's this — you'll have to raise the wind. 
 1st F. And that's no easy job to do, at any rate. 
 
 How shall we do it ? Add an eighteen-penny rate 
 Unto the taxes ? 
 jfri. Silence I you this day 
 
 Must rule the weather— make the gulf o-bey ; 
 Make the white surf yom slave ; seize on the seas— 
 1st F. To keep the peace ? 
 
 Ari. No ; to kick up a breeze. 
 
 Blow up the winds ; let not a breath be idle ; 
 Hurry the hurricane : the rain unbridle ; 
 Let all the light be shut oS from the main. 
 And o'er the ocean let commotion reign. 
 Each ship to miss its proper sailing cause. 
 And so repeal all Navigation Laws. 
 With waves and waverings assail all sailors. 
 And play the what's-his-name among the tailors. 
 2nd F. But what's it for that restlessly we wrestle 
 
 With storms and tempests ? 
 ^ri. Just to sink a vessel ; 
 
 That's all — some friends our master does expect. 
 Whose ship must sink, that they may come di-rect. 
 But now be off — you know your first task, — mind. 
 Use all your skill — there's much more left behind.
 
 THE ENCHANTED ISLE. 7 
 
 None must be free from work till this is ended — 
 "The free list is entirely suspended!" 
 
 Come now, away ! come storms, come shipwrecks, leaks ! 
 
 Come, Boreas, come ! Blow winds and crack your cheeks ! 
 
 lExeunt. Stage becomes gradually dark. Thunder 
 lightning, rain, wind, 8fc. 
 
 Scene II. — Deck of the " Naples Direct" Steam-boat, Funnel 
 in c, Paddle-boxes r. & l., ?nth practicable gallery from 
 one to the other. Stage enclosed by sides of the boat, meeting 
 at the back, like the bows of an ordinary steam-boat, but gilt 
 and ornamented. Smoke from funnel — Stage dark, thunder, 
 lightning, ^-c. Alonzo, Ferdinand, Gonzalo, Lords, 
 Courtiers, 4"c. disposed about the stai^e, sea-sick, with 
 their heads tied up; luggage, carpet-bags, ifc. Easa di 
 Baccastoppa walking about on the paddle-boxes. Smut- 
 
 TIFACIO, 8fC. 
 
 SONG. — Ferdinand and Chorus. 
 
 TtjNE — " My Skiff is on de Shore." 
 
 We are going — we are going; but where, is more than I know; 
 Down to Davy Jones, I'll bet half my rhino; 
 Wiser folks by far than we are they 
 Who on shore securely stay. 
 
 CHORUS. 
 
 Sung by all the passengers lugubriously, without rising. 
 
 Oh ! oh ! oh ! oh ! oh 1 &c. 
 The sea's a horrid bore, and don't suit me; 
 Once again on shore, a fixture I'll be; 
 For, as we paddle on, we're never free 
 From the keenest misery. 
 
 {Fer. toAl.) Here's pleasure, here's amusement, here's diversion; 
 
 This is your Royal Maritime Excursion — 
 
 A precious treat ! Fun for some sea-side gapers ; 
 
 And woodcuts for the illustrated papers. 
 Alo. Ungrateful boy i for you we've laid this plan ; 
 
 You know you called yourself a yachting man. 
 
 You've often Lragged that half your time was passed 
 
 Upon the sea 
 Per. Of course, it sounds so fast ; 
 
 But were you green enough to think 1 meant it? 
 
 My time, indeed I more sensibly I've spent it.
 
 8 THE ENCHAlfTED ISLE. 
 
 Jio. Presumptive heir ! was it for us to tell 
 
 That all your talked-of sailing was a sell ? 
 Your conduct, sir, a most deceptive sort 1 call ; 
 We thought your tastes were eminently 7iautica.\, 
 At first you strutted, joked, and chaffed the crew, 
 Drank grog, and smoked cigars— now, we smoke you. 
 
 iWiiid. 
 
 But hark at B reas ! would that we were sailmg 
 
 Beyond the pale of his rude blustering railing ! 
 
 It's most extravagant, with Neptune's means. 
 
 His playing pitch and toss with sovereigns. [Wind. 
 
 Blow me ! here's weather (Lightning) Blazes ! there again I 
 
 Had ever monarch such a wretched [rain'] ? 
 
 GoNZALo, ^wrappiiig himself up.) 
 
 All hail, great King ! that any one can tell. 
 
 But see 1 the Prince, his Highness, don't seem well. 
 
 [Ferdinand, who has been gradually growing worse, 
 stagzers and falls. Ai onzo, Gonz a lo, and some 
 of the Lords stagger vp tu his assistance. Some 
 of the Lords try to lise, but aie unable ; others 
 do not move. 
 
 Fer. (faintly.) Farewell, a long farewell to all ray boasting. 
 This is the state of gents who go out coasting : 
 To day, when all is calm, on deck they swagger. 
 And talk in sailors' slang. The next day stagger. 
 And bend in silent anguish o'er tlie seas. 
 The third day comes a breeze— a stiffish breeze — 
 And when they think, mistaken snobs ! full surely 
 It may go off, ihey leel uncommon poorly ; 
 In fact, as ill as 1 do. 
 
 Jlo. Try to sleep ! 
 
 Fer. What ! " rocked upon the cradle of the deep ?" 
 But that's a sad misnomer; any deepun 
 Would know it's not at m11 the place to sleep on. 
 Take me below, though — I would go to bed; 
 1 feel so ncavy that 1 n.ust be led. 
 
 Alo. Well, 'gainst our shoulder rest your aching crown, 
 Your Pa', who brought you up, will take you down. 
 
 [They prepare to support Ferdinand down to the 
 cabin. GoNZALo takes one arm, and a Lord the 
 other. Alonzo supports his head ; while doing so
 
 THE BSCHAKTED ISLB. 9 
 
 Alonzo sings. 
 
 Tone — " Down among ike Dead Men." 
 
 Here's his head for the King, and an aim apiece, 
 Let's take him below, t-re his pains increase. 
 Come, let's take him while we've breath. 
 For we ourselves feel sick to death. 
 
 He'll, p'raps, be better bye-and-bye. 
 
 CHORUS. 
 
 Down upon the bed, then^ 
 Down upon the bed, then. 
 
 Down, down, down, down. 
 Down upon the bed, then, 
 Let him lie. 
 
 [Exeunt through the companion c, carrying Ferdi- 
 nand below. — Scene closes. 
 
 Scene HL — A romantic Landscape in the Island. A Bank for 
 sitting on, l. 
 
 Enter Prospero and Miranda, l. (as out for a walk.) 
 
 Mir. At last, thank goodness ! all the weather's o'er, 
 And one can trust oneself outside the door. 
 The clouds have washed themselves completely out, 
 And, like poor folks, have nothing left to spout. 
 And the rough wind that lately roared so loud 
 With his huge pipe, no longer blows a cloud. 
 But what a storm 1 
 
 Pro. Yes, 'twas a roughish bout ; 
 
 But now it's fine — see, there's a blue look-out. 
 
 IPointing to the sky. 
 
 And now each bird his lively song forth launches :^ 
 
 Hark ! from yon tree—" Music in all its branches." 
 Mir. Yes, now it's fine— the sun shines— all looks grand in it. 
 
 But tell me, Pa' — this storm — had you no hand in it ? 
 
 1 do suspect, nay more, I little doubt 
 
 Your spirits raised the wind for this blow out — 
 
 You have mch spirits I 
 Pro. Ccvasively.J Yes, I'm pretty jolly. 
 Mir. (coaiingly.) Nay, tell me — 
 t^ro. To withhold the truth is folly. 
 
 You're light, my child. It was your father's doing. 
 
 The hail and iicavy wet were my own brewing; 
 
 My spells, 'gainst which no earthly powers can rub. 
 Made Naluie form one naighty spouting club. 
 
 A 3
 
 10 THE ENCHANTED ISLE. 
 
 But come, sit down, my heart's own precious treasure ; 
 Like Peel upon the Rank, let's cause a pressure. 
 
 [They sit on the bank. 
 
 " Something to your advantage" I've to tell. 
 
 Can you remember ere you came to dwell 
 
 Upon this island ? 
 Mir. No, not very clearly ; 
 
 A few odd jumbled recollections merely, 
 
 Of pinafores, high chairs, and worsted socks. 
 
 The measles, hooping cough, and chicken-pox. 
 
 But t'other night I'd such a dream. 
 Pro. What was it, if 
 
 You recollect it ? 
 Mir. Why, I won't be positive. 
 
 The feeling memory doesn't seem to bring it 
 
 Back with much clearness — still, I'll try and sing it. 
 
 [The band plays the air, " I Dreamt that I dwelt in 
 Marble Halls." 
 
 SONG.— Miranda. 
 
 Tune — " Such a getting up Stairs." 
 
 I dreamt I dwelt in marble halls, 
 'Midst richly gilt and papered walls. 
 With mirrors large on all the piers. 
 And great big cut-glass chandeliers. 
 
 Such a pleasure-ground too. 
 
 With a fountain in the middle. 
 
 Such a very nice place 
 
 You never did see. 
 
 [During the chorus Prospero produces a pair of 
 " bones" fi^m his pocket, and accompanies her 
 k la Ethiopian Serenaders. 
 
 I dreamt that all the fine folks there 
 Deemed nought for me too good or rare. 
 And, to serve my lightest wish, would rush 
 Tall men, in powdered wigs and plush. 
 
 Such a very nice place. 
 
 And such very pleasant people. 
 
 Such a very nice place 
 
 You never did see. 
 
 Pro. So, so I Now, then, my story T will tell : 
 Once on a time. Yel stay, I'll sing as well.
 
 THE ENCHA>"TED ISLE. 11 
 
 SONG.— Prospkko. 
 
 Tune—" The Cork Leg. 
 
 A tale I tell, without any flam ; 
 
 I'm of noble blood by sire and dam, 
 
 In point of fact ; mind, I'm telling no cram. 
 
 The rightful monarch of Naples I am. 
 
 Ri tooral, ooral, &c 
 
 A brother I had, who by vile machination 
 Palavered the whole of my population. 
 And got up a popular manifestation, 
 And forced me to sign my abdication. 
 
 Ri tooral, ooral, &c. 
 
 So being kicked out by subjects and kith, 
 I escaped to this isle in the name of Smith; 
 Took up with the conjuring trade forthwith ; 
 So now of my story you have heard the pith. 
 
 Ri tooral, coral, &c. 
 
 Mir. Then you're a king ? 
 
 Pro. I am, by all that's rightful. 
 
 Mir. And I a princess ? 
 
 Pro. Yes ! 
 
 Mir. Lor' 1 how delightful ! 
 
 But to be done so cleanly of your throne. 
 You were no conjuror then, as you must own. 
 
 Pro. Why, no ; perhaps my conduct was z.jlat sort. 
 I stopped a dinner — or — a something of that sort. 
 Which made me not so popular as might be. 
 But never mind ; again 'twill soon all right be. 
 
 Mir. No ? 
 
 Pro. Yes ! 
 
 Mr. Fact ? 
 
 Pro. Poz 1 
 
 Mir. In earnest ? 
 
 Pro. Quite ! 
 
 Mir. Delicious ! 
 
 But how d'ye know ? 
 
 Pro. What I of my art suspicious? 
 
 All the dread agents of my mystic power 
 Foretell the approach of an auspicious hour. 
 The stars, my cups and balls, the learned pig, 
 My hocus-pocus, card tricks, thimble-rig— 
 These mighty spells I've tried — they all agree. 
 And shortly,—" You shall see what you shall see." 
 
 [/rt the style of street conjurors.
 
 12 THE ENCHANTED ISLE. 
 
 Mir. We'll leave this place, of course? 
 
 Pro. Yes ! 
 
 Mir. That's a blessina: ! 
 
 For really here the dullness is distressing. 
 
 It's not the proper place for me — now is it ? 
 
 There's no society — no friends to visit. 
 
 And as for fashions, as they change about, 
 
 I've not a chance of seeing what conies out. 
 
 Our fairy servants, too, tho' quicl< and ready. 
 
 Their characters are light, and far liom steady. 
 
 And, worst of all, this is the hardest case — 
 
 There's not a nice young man about the place. 
 Pro. " Cheer up, my own Jeannelte" — I mean Miranda, 
 
 Of joyous hopes I'll be a propaiianda. 
 
 "A good time's coming"— tiungs will shortly mend. 
 
 But stay — to business I must now attend. 
 
 What, ho! there, Ariel ? 
 
 Enter Ariel, l. 
 Ari. Here, most mighty King 1 . . 
 
 Is there anything I can come — for to go — for to fetch — 
 for to carry — for to bring ? 
 Pro. Silence ! come here — your news ? 
 
 [Ariel u about to speak. 
 
 Yet, stay, though — sing ! 
 
 SONG.— Arikl. 
 
 Tune — " Guy Fairkes." 
 
 I sing a dreadfulhurricane, thesea lilce froth of Guinness' tears, 
 And ill its tury s\^ allows up the King and all his Ministers. 
 That is, it would have swallowed them — all Naples would 
 
 regret it. 
 But a certain thing prevented it — your Fairies wouldn't let it. 
 Fro. {spoken.) Hah ! 
 Mir. (spoken.) Oh '. 
 
 Tol ol de riddle, &c. 
 
 The Prince escaped, and swam ashore, despite the tempest's 
 
 rase, ^ir. 
 And then the King and suite got safe upon the landing stage. 
 
 Sir : 
 That is, they would have come that way, to get themselves on 
 
 dry land. 
 But could'nt, 'cos there's ne'er a landing-stage upon the island. 
 Mir. Hah! 
 Pro. Oh I 
 
 Tol ol de riddle, &c.
 
 THE ENCHAJfTED ISLE. 13 
 
 Pro. The King is safe, then. 
 
 An. Safe as Kings can be 
 
 In these queer times of hot Democracy. 
 Pro, Good l)oy ! right nobly hast thou done thy work. 
 
 The Prince, you say ? 
 Ari. Swam lilce a Cove of Cork. 
 
 Though a grown man, he floated likea buoy. 
 
 They seemed not arms, but tins, lie did employ. 
 
 Alihoug,h we toss'd the waves about, and flung them 
 
 As if the Great Sea Serpent were among them, 
 
 He paddled through tliem lilce a thing of scales. 
 
 Indeed he might have been the Prince of iV{h)ales. 
 Pro. And hast thou followed my instructions ? 
 An. All I 
 
 In half an hour from him you'll have a call. 
 A/tr. WhatI call on us — a Prince! — oh I how delicious 1 
 
 Althou^h we're not as smart as he might wish us. 
 
 Is the Prince young ? 
 Pro. Yes ! and a man of taste. 
 
 Mir. (going l.) Then I'll get home at once. 
 Pro. But why such haste? 
 
 Mir. Why ! Pa', you really put one in a passion, 
 
 As if I'm goinir to meet a man of fashion 
 
 In such a figure; he would think it strange. 
 
 I've got to "do" my hair, of course, and "change " 
 
 [^Exit. L. 
 
 Pro. Now to your work : you know you've lots to do. 
 Ari. Yes; and you promised, when it's all got through. 
 
 Me from my present servitude you'd ransom. 
 Pro. I will, and also do the thing what's handsome : 
 
 I'll give up your indentures, as I said. 
 
 And as I mean to cut the wizard trade, 
 
 I'll let you have the stock, good-will, and fixtures; 
 
 All instruments, books, spells, and magic mixtures ; 
 
 The spirits, and the forms of incantation, 
 
 I'll let you have without a valuation. 
 
 ^Exit, L. 
 
 Ari. Bless his old heart ! there's an indulgent master. 
 Yet one would rather be one's own — it's faster. 
 Oh ! won't I go the pace to some amount, 
 When I'm in business on my own account? 
 I vow I feel so happy and elated. 
 That with delight I'm half intoxicated. 
 No end of joy within my bosom's pent ; 
 I must by some mean give my teelmgs vent. 
 
 [^Fonden awhue ; then dances the Cachucha, and 
 Exit, L.
 
 14 IKS ENCHANTED ISJX. 
 
 Scene IV. — Before Prospero's Cell, a combination of a Cave 
 and a modern Dwelling, being a rock, l., with a street door and 
 a window let into it. On the door a plate, with " Sig. Pros- 
 pero." A board, r., on which is pasted a poster, with 
 " Blaze of Triumph .'/ Positively the last week of Sig. Pros- 
 pero, the celebrated Wizard of the Isle 1 1 who is about to Break 
 his Staff and Drown his Book .' I .'" A Landscape and Sea 
 View in the back. 
 
 Enter MiRAttDA. from door, l. 
 
 Mir. Nov? he may come as soon as e'er he pleases. 
 
 I think this style — as fast men say — '' the cheese" is. 
 
 [Looking at her dress. 
 
 I wonder who he is, and what he's like. 
 
 And if his fancy I may chance to strike. 
 
 But Where's that Caliban ? he's never near 
 
 When wanted. Caliban, where are you ? 
 Cal. (within, R.J Here ! 
 
 Mir. Come here, slave ! 
 
 Cal. {entering r. with a Wellington boot on one arm and a brush 
 in his hand.) Slave 1 come, drop that sort of bother; 
 
 Just let me ax, " Ain't I a man and a brother ?" 
 Mir. The airs that servants give themselves just now. 
 
 They are the " Greatest Plague in Life," I vow. 
 
 Don't answer me, but work, you gaping swine; 
 
 Polish those boots, or else there'll be a shine. 
 
 Then come to me. [Exit by door, h. 
 
 Cal. There, now ; her dander's riz — 
 
 It's jolly hard upon a cove, it is. 
 
 List to my story ; when it meets your ears 
 
 I'm sure the Boxes will be all in tears. 
 
 And in the gentle pit each gent'll pity me. 
 
 I'm plain, straightforward, honest, every bit o' me, 
 
 And though in polished articles I deal, 
 
 "A round unvarnished tale" I will reveal. 
 
 SONG. 
 
 Tune — " Georgy Barnwell, good and pious." 
 
 Sons of freedom, hear my story, 
 
 Pity and protect the slave, 
 Of my wrongs the inventory 
 
 I'll just tip you in a stave. 
 
 Tiddle ol, &c. 
 
 IBrushes the boot to the chorus.
 
 THE ENCHAHTBD ISLB. 15 
 
 From morn till night I work like wlnkin'. 
 
 Yet I'm kicked and cuffed about, 
 With scarce half time for grub or drinkin'. 
 
 And they never lets me have a Sunday out. 
 Tiddle ol, &c. 
 
 And it jaw to the gov'nor I gives vent to. 
 
 He calls up his spirits in a trice, 
 Who grip, squeeze, bite, sting, and torment — oh ! 
 
 Such friends at a pinch are by no means nice. 
 Tiddle ol, &c. 
 
 But I'll not stand it longer, that I'll not, 
 I'll strike at once, now that my mettle's hot. 
 Ha ! here he comes ! Now soon I'll make things better, 
 " Hereditary Bondsmen," hem ! Et cetera. 
 
 IFolds his arms and looks dignified. 
 
 Enter Prosper©, l. 
 Pro, Well, sir, why don't you work ? 
 Cat. {giving the boot a single rub.) Ay, there's the rub. 
 Pro. What! mutinous! oat, vile, rebellious cub 1 
 CaU {with sudden vigour.) Oh 1 who's afraid? Blow you and 
 your boots together. ^Throws boot down. 
 
 My soul's above your paltry upper leather. 
 Pro. {aside.) That's democratic, and by no means moral ! 
 {To Caliban.) 
 
 Pick up that boot, unless you'd pick a quarrel. 
 
 You'd best not raise a breeze. 
 Cal. Oh ! blow your breezes. 
 
 The love of liberty upon me seizes ; 
 
 My bosom's filled with freedom's pure emotions, 
 
 And on the " Rights of Labour" I've strong notions. 
 Pro. You want work, then ? 
 Cal. No — up for my rights I'll stick ; 
 
 I've long enough been driven — now I'll kick. 
 
 SONG. 
 
 Tune — " When the Heart of a Man." 
 When the back of a donkey's oppress'd with wares. 
 Which weigh rather more than his strength well bears, 
 
 Instead of submitting he stoutly — stoutly 
 Plucks up a spirit and shows some airs. 
 Stripes are administer' d — kicks also. 
 But his stout ribs no emotion show. 
 Press him. 
 Caress him. 
 Try kicking 
 Or licking, 
 The more he is woUop'd the moie he won't go.
 
 16 THE ENCHANTED ISLE. 
 
 Pro. This sort of thing at once I'd better crush, 
 
 I'll stand no more — pick up that boot, then brush. 
 
 {^Pointing off with st iff. 
 Cal. Never — I swear. 
 Pro. Oh I very good ; we'll see, sir. 
 
 [^Taps his wand on the Stage. Fairy Specials appear 
 from all parts, and commence laying un tu Ca- 
 liban with their staves, chasing him round the 
 stage. 
 
 Cal. (picks up the boot.) Oh no, sir — don't sir, — please, sir. — 
 Twasn't me, sir 1 \_liuns off, followed bt/fairiea. 
 
 Pro. Thus disafifectiou should be timely checked. 
 No* for the Prince, \shom shortly I expect; 
 He little thinks, in his perambulations. 
 How soon he'll drop upon some blood relations. 
 Nor that he stands on matrimony's edge. 
 For at his uncle's he must leave a pledge — 
 His heart ; Miranda from his breast must pick it, 
 And on it lend her own — ay, that's the ticket. 
 1 have a plan their passion to ensure — 
 All sorts of trouble I'll make him endure; 
 And on their intercourse I'll lay restriction, 
 So that they'll fail in love from contradiction. 
 
 Mir. [from door, l.) Pa ! 
 
 Pro, Yes, dear! 
 
 Mir. Come, and put some tidy things on. 
 
 Pro. Well, look me out a collar, one with strings on. 
 
 \_Exit by door l. 
 
 [Railway music ; a bell and steam whistle. A 
 fairy Special jises through trap, c. with a flag, 
 and holds it out as Railicay policemen do. A 
 ntise of an ajjproachincj Train is heard. Shortly 
 after enter a fairy Locomotive, r. with Ariel, 
 and a Special as engineer and stoker, attached to a 
 car, in which sits, Ferdinand, attended by fairy 
 Specials. Train stops at c. Ariel and Ferdi- 
 nand get out. 
 
 Ari. Now then, sir, for the Wizard Cavern Station, 
 Your ticket, please — this is your destination. 
 
 [Jumps into train. 
 
 Per. (looking round amazed.) Nay, pray explain — just say why 
 here you bring me, [Train drives off, h. 
 
 Gone, like the baseless fabric of a thing'me 1 
 The train has vanished into sheer vacuity. 
 That engine shows the greatest ingenuity.
 
 THB ENCHAlfTED ISLE. 17 
 
 The very line 's gone. Oh, it's clear as day 
 
 That line was but a " Pencilling l)y the way -," 
 
 And something's rubbed it out ; or 'tis perhaps 
 
 One of those airy atmospheric chaps. [Sees the door. 
 
 But ho ! what's here? "A local habitation?" 
 
 Ay, " and a name." Now for some explanation. 
 
 [Reads the bill. 
 
 'Um ! '" Blaze of triumph !" That's a flaming placard, 
 I'll knock, and boldly ; \es, egad, I'll whack hard. 
 [He knocks, Vrobpero comes oul suddenly J olLowed by Miranda. 
 Pro. {fiercely.) *' Who am dit a knocking at de door?" 
 Ft^. li's me! 
 
 Pro. And pray, sir, what may your intentions be ? 
 Fer. Pity the sorrows of a poor >oung man. 
 
 Whom fairy sprites iiave brought unto your door, 
 Who wishes you to give him — if you can, 
 A simple explanation — nothing more. 
 Mir. (aside.) 'Tis he, 1 know, wich Cupia's darts I'm struck. 
 Fer. (seeing Miranda.) Good Heavens I What a captivating 
 
 duck I 
 Pro. (aside.) They're snaitten. (Aloud and sternly.) For the 
 questions you have put, 
 I've but one answer, which is simply '' Cut I" 
 
 {^Motioning his wand. 
 Fer. (astonished.) Cut? 
 Mir. Cut ? 
 
 Pro. Yes, cut I 
 
 Mir. ^^'ell, really. Pa' I call 
 
 That cut the most unkindest cut of all. 
 Pro. Silence, bold minx ! Now, once for all, sir— hook it ! 
 
 This is no inn — was it for such you took it r 
 Fer. An inn your house by ine was never thought to be, 
 
 Tho' 1 confess I really think it ought to be. 
 
 It might accommodation find at least 
 
 For man, since it accommodates a beast. 
 Mir. Pa' I'm ashamed of you. [Crosses to ii. 
 
 (To Ferdinand ) Sir, don't suppose 
 
 That rudeness such as that my father shows 
 
 Runs in the family. I've none of it, 
 
 I don't take alter him. 
 Per. You don't, a bit. 
 
 All I can say is — if from him you came, 
 
 " Deny thy father and refuse thy name," 
 
 And in return please to accept of me. [Opens his arms. 
 Mir. I Uke the barter, most amazingly. 
 
 [.4bou'. to rMj/i into his arim.
 
 18 THE ENCHANTED ISIE. 
 
 Pro. [Stopping her.) Back, forward puss ! egad, 'twas time to 
 stop her ; 
 
 Advances such as these are most improper. 
 Fer. Our passion's sudden, but the style's not new, 
 
 "We're " Romeo and Juliet " number two. 
 
 Maiden, I swear — 
 Pro. Pooh 1 pooh ! your vows are hollow as 
 
 Drums. And besides, we don't allow no followers. 
 
 Save men whose minds are honorably bent— 
 
 Not such as you — a trickster and a gent. 
 
 Fer. — (drawing his sword h. la Dc Mauprat in " Richelieu.") 
 
 Gent 1 Zounds — Sir Conjuror ! 
 Pro. Ho ! my angry child ! 
 
 You've drawn your sword — you'd best have drawn it mild. 
 
 {Waves his wand. Ferdinand is transfixed and unable to move. 
 
 Fer. Holloa! what's this ? Quite powerless I'm grown; 
 
 From a real brick, I'm changed into a stone. 
 
 I don't half like it — it quite spoils one's pleasure; 
 
 This is a most unfair Coercive Measure. 
 
 Come, please to set me free, old fellow, will you ? 
 
 And 'pen my word, I'll promise not to kill you. 
 Pro. You plead in vain ; no, there tak-e up your dwelling, 
 
 A fatal column of my magic spelling. 
 Mir. You can't be such a brute, Pa' surely no ; 
 
 I'll be his bail, if you will let him go. 
 Fer. Thou art my bale of precious goods the rarest. 
 
 Within my heart locked up, and safely ware'us'd. 
 
 How I'd embrace thee, were I only free I 
 Mr. " More free than welcome " you could never be. 
 Pro. (aside.) All right !— I've changed my mind another way ; 
 
 I'll punish you ; therefore be free, I say. 
 
 [Fer. goes through pantomime expressive of being fr 
 
 Fer. As the first sign of liberty I seize 
 
 The freedom of the press, or rather squeeze. 
 
 [Embraces Miran 
 
 Pro. Phe'w 1 here's an open armed and public meeting. 
 Egad ! it's time that the Rappel was beating. 
 
 [Knocks his wand on the stage as policemen do. The 
 sound is answered, and fairy Specials flock in 
 from all parts and group around. 
 
 (To Fer. and Mir.J Now then, disperse. 
 Fer, Divide us, if you can, 
 
 I s'pose you call yourself a loyal man.
 
 THE EJfCHAHTED I3LB. 19 
 
 And here you're getting up an agitation, 
 
 Our union to repeal, by separation. 
 Mir. Though as in Parliament, on every side 
 
 They stun our ears and cry " Divide, divide," 
 
 Yet we'll not part. 
 Pro. You won't ? 
 
 Per. No I 
 
 Pro. Then, of course. 
 
 The law's authority I must enforce. 
 
 Tear them asunder ! [The Specials pull them apart. 
 
 Now, my loving pair, 
 
 I'll teach you both my mighty power to dare. 
 {To Miranda.) Y'ou, miss, I sentence, ere the moon is full, 
 
 To work six ottomans in Berlin wool. 
 
 [Turning to Ferdinand. 
 
 And as for him, who'd " steal what isn't his'n," 
 
 [Indicating Miranda. 
 
 Now that he's " cotched," of course " he goes to pris'n." 
 Off with him — let him have some bread — nought richer; 
 His bed some straw ; his only friend a pitcher. 
 
 SONG.— Prospero and Chorus, 
 
 Tune — "Nix my Dolly." 
 
 In a box of the stonejug all forlorn, 
 W' hose walls your efforts will treat with scorn, 
 
 To break away, 
 All covered with irons, you'll have to lay. 
 Which will put a stop to your capers gay. 
 Fixed, my jolly pal, there you'll stay. 
 Fixed, my jolly pal, there you'll stay. 
 
 [Exit into house 
 
 [Fairies march to music of the chorus, one detachment 
 taking Miranda off by the door, l., the others 
 taking Ferdinand off, r. 
 
 Scene V. — A wild part of the Island. Music, " The Mar- 
 seillaise Hymn." 
 
 Enter Caliban, marching to music, with a Cap of Liberty 
 on his head, a red Jlag in one hand, a small bundle of fire- 
 wood in the other. 
 
 Cal. Yes, I'm resolved — I'll have a revolution — 
 Proclaim my rights — demand a constitution.
 
 20 THE ENCHANTED ISLE. 
 
 If he plays clubs I'll try and follow suit; 
 
 No more 1 11 stoop to brush the hated boot, 
 
 With which he kicks me — no; my plans are laid; 
 
 These chips shall help to form a barricade. 
 
 The Coming Man I'll prove myself ere long, 
 
 And, when I do come, won't 1 come it strong? 
 
 " Bruised worms will turn ; " but I no worm will be; 
 
 He'll be an early bird that catches me. 
 
 ' IMusic, " Faint and wearily." Enter Easa di Bac- 
 CASTOi'PA and Smuttifacio, h., much fatigued. 
 Calidan retires up, r. 
 Eas. Go on ahead I 
 
 Smu. Oh, sir, my biter's busted, 
 
 My safety valves are broke, my steam-pipes rusted, 
 Down in the d :st here underneath the grate- 
 ful shade of this wide tree I'll meet my fate. 
 
 [^Liesdown, l. 
 Eas. Nonsense ! get up, man — don't so nervous be; 
 
 Thai's all you are. 
 Smu. No, sir, it's all U. P. 
 
 Stop — I've some chalk ; here in this state forlorn 
 I'll write my story, " Hunj^er's a sharp thorn." 
 
 [Takes chdik/rom his pocket, and writes on the stage. 
 
 Cat. C<^side.) Foreign, alliances in them I smell. 
 
 [Comes forward, c. 
 
 Gentlemen botb, I hope I see you well. 
 Eas. (startiiig.) A.i)itive! 
 Smu. Ha ! a native oyster ? 
 
 Ea$. No, 
 
 'Tisn't an oyster — 'tis a rum fish, though. 
 
 I'll speak to it in eloquence tremendous — 
 
 Angels and ministers of grace, defend us! 
 
 Be thou a spirit of health or lioblin t'other, 
 
 1 will address thee boldly — How's vour mother? 
 Smu. (kneeling.) Dread spirit, spare us ! 
 Cal. Tremble not, but rise. 
 
 Be friends, not quakers — Come, let's fraternize. 
 
 [_Each embraces the other, then the three embrace 
 together. 
 
 1 wish a little business to connect us. 
 
 I've got a scheme — 
 Eas. Let's look at the prospectus. 
 
 Cal. 'Tis but to take this Island— 
 Eas. For a lease ? 
 
 Cal. No ; for a kingdom. Take a share apiece.
 
 THB BNCHANTKD ISLB. 21 
 
 Eos. What's the deposit ? 
 
 Cal. Just a knife or ball 
 
 Within a tyrant's weazen — that is all. 
 Eas. Then we're your men. 
 Cal. You are ? 
 
 Smu. Till all is blue I 
 
 Cal. Your hands — a covenant — there, that'll do. 
 
 But will you L.tick, and keep our treaty whole? 
 Eas. Stick I av, like Gutta Percha I 'pon my sole. 
 Cal. Then we're resolved— let's strike the blow to-night. 
 Eas. Vive La Republique? 
 Smu. Yes, and serve him right. 
 
 SONG. — Caliban and Chorus. 
 
 Tune — " There's a good Time coming." 
 
 There's a good time coming, boys — 
 A good time coming. 
 We'll reign the monarchs of this Isle, 
 In a rayther heavy style, 
 In the good time coming. 
 Fighting cocks may come it strong ; 
 
 We will come it stronger. 
 Faith, we'll have no end of spree — 
 Wait a little lo-ger. 
 
 Tnere's a good time coming, &c. 
 
 [Exeunt, embracing each other, and marching off to 
 chorus. 
 
 Enter Ariel, springing a watchman's rattle. Fairy Specials 
 appear from different parts. 
 
 Art. Treason's afloat ! Forward ! Protect the crown : 
 Take the knaves up, and put this meeting dov^n. 
 
 [Exeimt, I,. 
 
 Scene VI. — Another part of the Island. 
 Enter Ferdinand (carrying a log of wood) and Miranda, l. 
 
 Mir. Shame, that a Prince so prim/^ should be so loaded 
 
 Heir to such income-, yet so incommoded. 
 
 Come, let me bear it for you. 
 Per. You ? my bird. 
 
 Bear such a Lurden'i Good, upon my word. 
 Mir. Nay, come; throw off this dire log-beiiring curse — 
 
 Set down the dire lug, and let's converse.
 
 22 THE ENCHANTED ISLE. 
 
 Fer. [throwing down wood.) I'll cut my wood, Miranda, if you 
 please — [looking fondly at her.'} 
 
 You in this Island bred, are quite the cheese. 
 
 Your gait's most stylish ! — ^just what I admire : 
 
 Miranda 1 you're an angel. 
 Mir You're — another. 
 
 DUET. 
 Tune — " Giles Scroggins." 
 
 Fer. I've courted n-.any a girl in town. Ri tol, &e. 
 
 But you the fairest of them all put down. Ri tol, &c. 
 
 You take my fancy — ^just a few ! 
 
 And — if you loves me as I love you, 
 
 What's handsome T intend to do. Ri tol, &c. 
 Mir. Yes, but I fear that fast men's wives. Ri tol, &c. 
 
 Lead far from comfortable lives. Ri tol, &C. 
 
 I hate casinos — gents I dread, 
 
 And latch-keys, pipes, and negro-head. 
 
 I will \ ^"■^'^ when we're mar-ri-ed. Ri tol, &c. 
 
 Fer. But to resume my pleasant occupation. 
 Or I again may taste incarceration. 
 
 [TVtes to lift the log, but appears quite exhausted, an 
 unable to move it. 
 
 I'm quite done up. 
 Mir. You're ill ; ah I yes, I know 
 
 I'll go and fetch Papa, and tell him so : 
 
 He will prescribe — 
 Fer. Some food were better far 
 
 Than any Life Pills made by your old Pa'. 
 Mir. Then vou shall have some in a crack, or less. 
 
 Spite of Papa. [Exit, l. 
 
 Fer. A case of real distress ! 
 
 I faint — I die. Yet stay, in dying though. 
 
 In operas, folks must sing before they go; 
 
 It's a queer rule, yet still I must obey it. 
 {To orchestra.) 
 
 I think you've got the music, perhaps you'll play it? 
 
 SONG. — Ferdinand. 
 Tune — " The Four-leaved Shatnrock." 
 
 I'd eat a score of oysters, 
 
 If all these fairy dells 
 Such native beauties could but boast; 
 
 Oh ! how I'd clean the shells.
 
 THE ENCHAITTED ISLE. 23 
 
 Or if a smoking mutton chop 
 
 Mine eyes could but behold, 
 I don't imagine it would stand 
 
 Much chance of growing cold. 
 But such like dainties, I'm afraid. 
 
 Just here don't much abound ; 
 Fornot an inn or eating-house 
 
 Can in this Isle be found. 
 
 Oh ! for some victuals ! 
 
 [Ariel rises through a trap, l. with a napkin over his 
 arm, in the style of a waiter. Ferdinand s/ar<s. 
 
 Ari. Give your orders, please! 
 
 We've roast beef, boiled beef, 'tatoes, carrots, cheese. 
 Fer. Why, where did you come from ? 
 Ari. I mustn't tell ! 
 
 Please give your orders, 
 Fer. (aside.) Now, is this a sell? 
 
 It's worth the trial. {To Ariel.) Oli ! I don't care what. 
 
 Just bring me something — anything you've got 
 
 [Ariel waves his wand — a splendid banquet rises, c. 
 Fairies flock in and surround the table. Ferdi- 
 nand begins eating voraciously. 
 
 Fer. (eating.) I really do with things the strangest meet— 
 This peck now — quite an unexpected treat ! 
 It's strange. Some folks would be alarmed at this ; 
 But to us "fast men" nothing comes amiss. 
 The time's gone by for ghostly retributions. 
 Folks heed ghosts now no more than revolutions. [Rises. 
 Your banquet's quite reformed me — clear away. 
 
 \_Table sinks. 
 
 Soon done, at any rate I Come here, I say — {to Ariel.) 
 Ari. WeU, sir? 
 Fer, Just answer me a civil question : 
 
 Don't you think dancing serves to aid digestion ? 
 Ari. No one of any common sense would doubt it. 
 Fer. Then ahoose a partner, and look sharp about it. 
 
 {^Selects one of the Fairies. 
 
 Ari. With all my heart. [Chooses a partner. 
 
 The Trois Temps, is it ? 
 Fer. (indignantly.) No ; 
 
 Do you imagine I could be so slow ? 
 Ari. Of course — I did but joke; come, don't resent it. 
 
 Vive La Deux Temps I Now off, as if we meant it.
 
 24 THE ENCHANTED ISLE. 
 
 {"FKRDtNAND, Ariel, and two Fairies dance the Deux 
 Temps very rapidly , finishing with a polka. The 
 other Fairies group round, and beat time on the 
 stage with their staves. Music dies gradually 
 away. Ariel and all the Fairie; sink simulta- 
 neously through traps. Furdinand continues 
 dancing alone. 
 
 Enter Miranda, l. with basket. 
 
 Mir. Come, Prince, arouse ; take this your heart to cheer. 
 What! gone? oh! Ferdinand, where are you? 
 
 IMusic stops abruptly. Ferdinand stands still 
 
 Fer. Here ! 
 
 Mir. Come then, take this. What means your head averted? 
 
 Fer. Thank you, I've dined. 
 
 Mir, I feared you had deserted. 
 
 Fer. Me ! a deserter from your company ? 
 
 Oh I no ; " Miranda, wilt thou gang wi' nie ?" 
 Say yes ! Let's mizzle — bolt — elope 1 mean. 
 
 Mir. What! run to Gretna? no; that would be green. 
 
 Fer. Hah 1 you refuse me ? 
 
 Mir. Did you never guess. 
 
 When girls say "no," they half their time mean " yes?" 
 
 Fer. Then you will come ? 
 
 Mir. Yes ! 
 
 Fer. Does that " yes" mean " no."' 
 
 Mir. No ! 
 
 Fer. That means " yes." 
 
 Mir. Oh I no ; it means I'll go. 
 
 (hesitating) But when we're gone Pa '11 get in such a rage. 
 
 Fer. Fathers are always savage on the stage. 
 
 Come, dear Miranda, I'l'a no longer tarry — 
 Let us at once be " persons about to marry." 
 There, that's a dear — soon will be rumours rife 
 Concerning an "Elopement in high life." ^Exeunt, b, 
 
 Scene VIL — The Sea Shore. Music, " By the Sad Sea Waves." 
 
 Enter Alonzo, Gonzalo, Lords, Courtiers, &c. 
 
 Alo. (miserably.) Was ever monarch so much out of luck? 
 
 Gon. My liege, do, pray, keep up the royal pluck. 
 
 Alo. Silence, thou idiot ! 
 
 Gotim Sire, 1 thought —
 
 THE EKCHANTED ISLE. 25 
 
 Alo. You lie I 
 
 You can't think ! 
 Gon. Sire ! 
 
 Alo. I say you can't — don't try. 
 
 Gon. Great Monarch ! ' 
 
 Alo. Silence, dog! speak if you dare I 
 
 Gon. My liege, I'm dumb — 
 
 Alo. You're not ! — I wish you were. 
 
 Gon. I mean ! — 
 Alo. You don't ! 
 
 Gon. That is — 
 
 Alo. It isn't, slave ! 
 
 [Recollecting himself, and suddenly becoming miserable. 
 
 But oh 1 my son, beneath this sad sea wave. 
 
 'Twould break a heart — though tough as India rubber. 
 
 Thy loss has made me wail and made me blubber. 
 
 SONG. 
 Tune — " All round mrj Hat." 
 
 All round my hat, 
 
 I'll wear some crape — I will, oh! 
 All round my hat — 
 
 If there's any to be had. 
 And if any one should ask me 
 
 The reason why I wear it, 
 I'll tell 'em 'tis because I am 
 
 In mourning for my lad. 
 
 Oh ! dearly has he paid for the 
 
 Contempt with which he treated 
 My counsels and advice. 
 
 So judicious and so sound 
 He said it seemed so fast 
 
 On the bowsprit to be seated ; 
 And so he sat there till he tumbled 
 
 Ovt-r and was drowned. 
 Gonzalo and ^ All round my hat, &c. 
 
 Lords sing chorus j All round his hat, &c. 
 
 Gon. (commences a second time alone) — All round his hat. 
 
 Alo. (striking him with umbrella.J 
 
 Silence! be quiet, who told you to sing? 
 Gon. Great Monarch ! 
 Alo. Silence 1 
 
 Gon. High and mighty King, 
 
 Let me but speak, I pray, by all that's reasonable. 
 
 B
 
 26 THE ENCHANTED ISLE. 
 
 Alo. I shan't! " advised and open speaking's" treasonable. 
 {recollecting himself.) But there again, my son, I'd near forgot— 
 
 How dare you talk, sir, when I told yon not? 
 
 Will you intrude your stupid observations. 
 
 To interrupt our royal lamentations ? 
 
 SONG. 
 
 TuNB — " Jeannette and Jeannot." 
 
 We are going the wrong way, any wager I will bet ; 
 There's no chance left to save him now, he must be very wet, 
 All our arts would fail to cure him if his body e'en we'd got, 
 Hot blankets, rum, or brandy, or, what's the same, gin-hot. 
 Oh! if I had now the chance, I'd know better than to roam, 
 I'd have no flighty trips abroad, I'd keep my court at home; 
 All the world I'd freely give — all my kingly pomp and might, 
 if I at my unhappy boy could only take a sight. 
 
 Oh woe 1 v?oe ! woe ! 
 Gon. Gee woa ! great King, pull up. 
 
 Alo. The Prince of Naples drowned like any pup ! 
 
 The Heir Apparent from a parent stole ! 
 
 A prey to pikes — no bell to pay the toll .' 
 
 No friends to mourn him ! oh, my fate is sad ! 
 
 I mourn, alas — ee'n while I mourn a lad. 
 
 [As if struck with a sudden idea. 
 
 Stay, I'll go mad, and tear my hair and scold. 
 
 And rave, and dance, and sing " Poor Tom's a-cold !'• 
 
 [Dances about the stage making faces . 
 
 Hurrah ! I'm mad. 
 Gon. Your majesty, alack ! 
 
 What means this change ? 
 Alo. Hush! I'm the maniac ! 
 
 \_Music from Russell's "Maniac." 
 
 Alonzo (while dancing about.) 
 
 Tune — " / see her Dancing," 8fc, from the " Maniac." 
 
 I see him o'er the billows sprawl, 
 I see him — no, I don't at all. 
 
 Tiddee um-tum, &c. 
 
 {Keeps dancing to chorus. Gonzalo following him 
 round the stage. 
 
 Gon. Ow ! if you please your Majesty, now don'l— 
 Be quiet, do.
 
 THB ENCHANTED ISLE. 27 
 
 Alo. 1 can't. 
 
 Gon. Oh! try. 
 
 Alo. I won't ! 
 
 {^Resumes chorus, and finishes by falling into Gon- 
 ZALo's arms. 
 
 Gon. {eying.) Oh ! Here's a pickle! here's a mess. Oh dear 
 Can no one help me ? 
 
 Enter Ariel, l. 
 
 Ari. I can. 
 
 Alo. { becoming collected.) Ah ! what's here ? 
 
 Ari. (presentinz^ card.) F. M. the Duke of this Enchanted Isle 
 
 Presents his compliments, and prays you'll smile 
 
 On his request. F. M. the Duke solicits 
 
 Your Majesty to honor him with visits 
 
 During your stay upon this humble shore. 
 
 F. M. the Duke "at home" this day at four. 
 Alo. A friendly invitation ? Come, that's pleasant ; 
 
 Well, we'll postpone our madness for the present. 
 
 We'll grant the favour that your master begs; 
 
 'Neath his mahogany we'll stretch our legs. 
 Ari. Great King, your condescension does me proud, 
 
 I'll show you thither, if 1 be allowed. 
 Alo. Go on, I follow ; is the dwelling nigh ? 
 Ari. 'Tis a close cell, which you will find close by. 
 
 [^Exeunt omnes, l. Ariel leading the way. 
 
 Scene opens, and discovers 
 
 Scene the Last. — The interior of Prospero's cell, rocks 
 hung all around with lamps, Sfc. Conjuror's apparatus 
 hanging up, and placed about the stage ; a table C. with cups 
 and halls, ^c. Prospero seated, dressed in full wizard's cos- 
 tume k la Mans. Pliiltippe. Fairies in attendance. Incan- 
 tation music from "Macbeth." 
 
 Pro. Now, Prosper* you are bless'd as folks can wish you. 
 For all vour schemes approach a happy issue ! 
 My children, soon by ye shall be enjoyed 
 Bliss, which shall seem, by contrast, unalloyed. 
 As to the sickly child of tender years. 
 The lump of sugar doubly sweet appears, 
 After the nauseous taste its mouth late bore. 
 Caused by the hated " mixture as before." 
 But time gets on. What ho ! who waits without ? 
 
 Enter Ariel, l. 
 
 Ari. 'Tis I, my lord, the early—
 
 28 THE ENCHANTED ISLE. 
 
 Pro. Silence, lout! 
 
 That poor old joke — would you ill-treat it so ? 
 
 Where are the visitors ? 
 Ari. They are all l»elow. 
 
 Pro. What! waiting? out, you ill-conditioned pup! 
 
 Don't you nriake game of them, but show them up. 
 
 [Exit Arikl, 
 He comes! Down, throbbing heart ! 
 
 \_Enter Ariel, usherins; in Alonzo, Gonzalo, Lords, 
 Courtiers, &c. 
 
 My liege, most welcome ! 
 
 That you should thus unto my humble cell come, 
 
 1 deem an honour — 
 Alo. Do you now, that's kind? 
 
 (Aside.) 'Tisn't his honours, but his tricks we'd mind. 
 Pro. Pray, sirs, be seated. 
 
 \_Fairies set chairs for King and Lords. 
 
 Alo. Um ! This chair, mayhap, 
 
 May prove to be some vile enchanted trap ; 
 
 But we'll be down upon it (iits l.) never fear [they all sit. 
 Pro. As I before remarked, your coming here 
 
 I deem an honour — 
 Alo. That you said before ; 
 
 P'raps you'll oblige us now with something more. 
 Pro. I will. According to Dame Rumour's tales, 
 
 You've been a sufferer by the recent gales. 
 Alo. Yes, like cheap drapers we might advertise 
 
 " Great loss by shipwreck — fearful sacrifice;" 
 
 Our newest steamer and our oldest son 
 
 For shots to Davy's locker both are gone. 
 Pro. Be not too sure. They may be in existence; 
 
 And p'raps my art may render some assistance. 
 Alo. Oh, if you can, with treasures we'll requite you ; 
 
 At least, what's very much the same, we'll knight you. 
 Pro. I, you must know, 'mongst many more professions. 
 
 Am chairman of our Island's petty sessions; 
 
 We have some cases to be tried to-day 
 
 Which may throw something pleasant in your way. 
 {To Ari.) Call the first case on ; quick, for time runs short ; 
 Ari. Officers, bring the prisoners into Court. 
 
 [Exeunt R. a detachment of Fairies. Music, "Mar- 
 seillaise," very slowly. Re-emer fairies •^uardins; 
 Caliban, Easa di Baccastoppa, and Smutti- 
 FACio, loaded with chains- The prisoners walk 
 with mock dignity.
 
 THE BNCHANTED ISLB. 29 
 
 Jlo. (starting melodramatically.) Those eyes ! 
 
 Gon. (starting.) Those limbs ! 
 
 Alo. That hat ! 
 
 Gon. That bird's-eye choker i 
 
 Alo. Those highlows 1 
 
 Gon. *Tis the captain 1 
 
 Alo. 'Tis the stoker 1 
 
 Cal. (to the prisoners.) Of Liberty it's plain the cap won't fit, 
 
 Therefore we'd better quietly submit. 
 (to Pro.) Governor, we surrender at discretion, 
 
 And to your government send in adhesion ; 
 We own that this a just and fair defeat is. 
 So take these chains oil", and let's sign some treaties. 
 Pro. Insolent slave ! 
 Cal. Oh ! don't be in a fury ; 
 
 If you prefer it, try us — where's the jury ? [Sees Alo. 8fc. 
 
 Is that it? 'cos, if so, it's ill-selected; 
 
 That jury's pack'd, and also misdirected. 
 Ari. Silence ! 
 Cal. I shan't — I'll do what's often done — 
 
 Challenge the jury — so, my bucks, come on. 
 
 IShows f^ht at them. They get out of his way, 
 frightened. 
 
 They're frightened I Yes — they dread my vengeful knocks ; 
 They don't seem partial to a jury-box. 
 
 [^Squares at them again. Ariel comes forward and 
 collars him. 
 
 Ari. Come, come — we can't have conduct of this sort; 
 You'll get committed for contempt of court. 
 
 [^Pulls him back to his place, r. and stands keeping 
 guard over him. 
 
 Cal. Valour's no use, I see — but vice versy, 
 (to the prisoners.) We'd better recommend ourselves to mercy. 
 (lo Pro.) Respected sir — 
 
 Pro. Peace, slave 1 and stand aside ; 
 
 Fish more important's waiting to be fried. 
 
 \_Goes behind table, turns up his sleeves as conjurors do, 
 and begins playing with the cups and halls. 
 
 My liege and lords, now keep your eyes upon me. 
 And something of a conjuror you'll own me. 
 
 ^Strikes the table with his wand. Table sinks 
 rapidly, and in its place Ferdinand and 
 Miranda a/iJ a "Special" rise. Ferdinand
 
 S9 THE ENCHANTED ISXE. 
 
 starts with astonishment, and coming forward 
 sings as he recognises the different individuals — 
 
 TuNE^" The Chaunt Chorus from Jack Sheppard." 
 
 There's— the Captain as was our commander, 
 
 \_Seeing Easa di Baccastoppa. 
 
 There's — my worthy papa-in-law, too ; 
 
 [^Seeing Prospero. 
 There's— the stoker, as well as a stranger ; 
 
 {^Seeing Smutti. and Caliban 
 
 No — Gov'nor, sure that can't be you ! 
 
 [Seeing- Alonzo. 
 Alonzo sing's, in reply. 
 
 I — wish I could credit my senses, 
 A — cross the apartment I'd fly 
 •• To — what looks very like my lost Ferdinand ; 
 'Tis — he ! and my senses don't lie. 
 Per. With my tooral-oi, tooral-ol, &c, 
 
 [Ferdinand and Alonzo sing- the chorus alternately ; 
 finishing it with the " chaunt," as in the original. 
 All join in. 
 
 Pro, {aside to audience.) 
 
 Now, mind your eyes ! for I've in preparation 
 A fearfully affecting situation. 
 
 [He takes Miranda, andpresents her to Alonzo. 
 
 Behold thy child-in-law ! 
 {To Ferdinand J Start not, my son, 
 
 My late severity was only fun. 
 
 [Ferdinand and Mirahoa. kneeling to Alonzo. 
 
 Your blessing, pov'nor. } 
 Your blessing, Pa'-in-law. \ 
 Alo. Oh ! by all means- 
 
 It's always giVn in dramas' closing scenes, 
 
 [^Puts his hands on their heads. 
 
 Cut larks and latch-keys ! — prosper, and be steady. 
 Pro. {to audience.) 
 
 Now, then, it's coming ! — get your cambrics ready. 
 
 [Aloud, and much agitated. 
 
 My bosom's feelings I no more can smother. 
 Alonzo ! here ! behold thy long-lost brother 1
 
 THE ElfCHAirrED ISLB. 31 
 
 ^to. (startled, but by no means pleased.) 
 
 Eh I what? oh! ah! my brother? — yes, of course! 
 
 [Embraces Prospero very coldly 
 
 By this discovery I'm a throne the worse. 
 
 [Spoken aside to audience over Prospero's shoulder. 
 
 Pro. Brother, at finding me be not cast down. 
 
 I would not rob j'ou of a half a crown. 
 
 Much less a whole one. 
 Alo. (brii^htenins: up.) I'm relieved of pain. 
 
 (affectionately.) My dearest brother, let's embrace again. 
 
 [They embrace cordially. 
 
 Pro, Now be surprised with one more piece of wonder. 
 
 What ho I Rocks, stones, and earth there, fly asunder I 
 
 [rAc scene at back flies rapidly open and discovers the 
 Steamer lying at anchor in a dork of fairy-like 
 structure — a Lighthouse, r. in the shape of a 
 chamber candlestick, with a taper burning — a 
 carpeted gangvuy, c. leading up to the steamer, 
 Ariel pointing up to it with his uand as " tout- 
 ers'' do — Fairy rinsing a steam-boat bell, l. — 
 The whole Scene to have a light and fairy-like 
 appearance. 
 
 Pro. Now, who's for Naples? 
 
 [They are all going up the stage, Caliban stops 
 Prospero. 
 
 Cal. Naples ! nonsense — stay. 
 
 Don't talk of Naples yet. 
 Pro, Why not, sir, pray? 
 
 Cai. Why? Come, that's good. If you're all leaving thus, 
 
 " What's to be done for the people" — meaning us? 
 Ari. You — what do you deserve ? 
 Cal, {smilins: and looking at audience.) I hardly know 
 
 What do we all deserve. Best put it so. 
 Ari. (to audience.) Ay, what ? — do we deserve your mas;ic smile. 
 
 To lend fresh charms to our " Enchanted Isle?" 
 Cal. (pushing forward and intrrrupling.) 
 
 Excuse me, pray ; my lawless acts completing, 
 
 With stirring language I'll inflame this meeting. 
 {To audience.) Be noisy — and excuse the observation — 
 
 Get up a devil of a uJfmonstration ; 
 
 But not with arms — no, only with the hand. 
 
 [ Indicating clapping. 
 
 That'a all we want. And, please to understand.
 
 THE ENCHANTED ISLE. 
 
 Tho* noise 'mongst you we're wishing to increase- 
 Here on the stage we wish to keep the piece .' 
 
 FINALE^ 
 
 Ferdinand comes forward and looks round the house. 
 
 Tune — " The Boatman's Dance." 
 
 From the hasty glance that around I fling, 
 I thinli we've done a successful thing. 
 I never saw a lot of folks in all my life 
 Whose faces seemed with glee so rife. 
 [^Turning to the Actors. 
 
 So dance, my comrades, dance — 
 
 Dance, my comrades, dance. 
 
 Dance — all's right, 
 For we've pleased them all to-night, 
 And they'll tell all their friends in the morning. 
 [To Audience. 
 
 Pray show, before you go. 
 
 Have we earned your smiles or no ? 
 
 [General dance by all the characters to the Chorus, 
 " Pray, show," St'c. They all strike altitudes, 
 and the curtain falls. 
 
 R. Disposition of Characters. l. 
 
 Fairies. Fairies. 
 
 Fairies and Soldiers. Lords and Soldiers. 
 
 Easa & Smut., Cal., Ferd., Mir., Aribl, Pros., Alon., Go 
 
 THE END. 
 
 ^ . S. Johnson, " Nassau Steam Press," 60, St, Martin's Lane.
 
 I
 
 AA UU0 496 175 1