^^^ MURPHY Three Weeks After Marriage FRENCH'S STANDARD DRAMA. No. LXIV. THREE WEEKS AFTER MARRIAGE IN TWO ACTS. BY ARTHUR MURPHY. WITH THE STAGE BUSINESS, CAST OF CHARACTERS COST JiMES, RELATIVE POSITIONS, ETC. NEW-YORK : SAMUEL FRENCH, la WASSA5.-SXKS:E'r. ^^^CE. i2i CENTS. CAST OP CHARACTERS. Drury Lane. Park, 1847. Broadway, 1848. Sir Charles Racket . Mr. Kllistoii. Wr. G. Barrett. Mr. BarretU Drugget " Dowton. " Bass. " Vachi. IVoudiey " Viniug. " McDouall " Kiiigsley.' Lady Racket Mr.s. Edwin. Mrs. Hunt. Miss Telbin. Mrs. Drugget " Harlow. " Vpriion. Mrs. Winstanley. Nancy •' Hughes Miss Gordon. " Sergeant. Dimity " Orger. Mrs. DyotU " Watts. COSTUMES. STR CHARLES RACKET.— Blue coat, white waistcoat and breeches. DRUGGET. — Brown coat, flowered .^ilk waistcoat, black velvet breeches. WUOHLEV — Blue coal, white waistcoat, and buff breeches. LADY RACKET.— White satin dress, trimmed with silver. MK8. DRUGGET Brown silk gown, white satin quilted petticoat, muslin aproB and liaiui kerchief. NANCY.— White muslin frock. DIMITY. — A smart coloured gown, black silk apron. EXITS AND ENTRANCES. R. means Right; L. Left; R. D. Right Door; L. D. Left Door; S. E. Second Entrance; U. E. Upper Entrance; M. D. Middle Door, RELATIVE POSITIONS. R., means Right; L., Left ; C, Centre ; R. C, Right of Centre; L C, Left of Centre. Pr.asages ma~ked Kith Inverted Commas are usually omitted in the Representation. P'^ LIBRAUY "^^Ob LWVKUsi rv OF CALiFonr /\/R T^ SA.M A BAKBARA EDITOllIAL INTRODUCTION This amusing Comedietta, although exclusively a production of the " old school," retains its place upcn the stage, despite the mutations of public taste, that has consigned to oblivion most of the sterling pieces which were the favourite entertainments of our ancestors. " Three Weeks After Marriage," is from the pen of Arthur Murphy, Esq., a prolific and successful Dramatic author of the •ast century. Murphy was born near Elphin, in the county of Roscommon, Ireland, Dec. 27, 1730 ; he was educated at St. Omer's. On leaving college, he entered a mercantile office in London ; but a taste for theatricals led him to venture upon the arduous life of a Player. His success was but moderate, and after a probation of a few months he relinquished the pursuit, and became the Editor of a political paper called the " Test ;" he also engaged as a writer in the famous " North Briton," and likewise published a weekly periodical called the " Auditor." In addition to these literary occupations, he became a Dramatic author. " The "Way to Keep Him ;" " All in the Wrong ;" " Know your own Mind ;" " The Old Maid ;" " The Apprentice ;" the Tragedy of the " Grecian Daughter," and " Three Weeks after Marriage," may be considered as standard productions. They etill hold a place in the stock lists of acting plays. The capricious taste of the public condemned this lively little comedy, on its first representation in 1764, under the title of " What we must all come to ;" but in 1775, Mr. Lewis, the celebrated high comedian, produced it for his benefit, with its present name, and it became at once an established stock favourite. The merit of this piece does not consist in dramatic incidents and overwrought farcical situation, but is indebted to the delinea IT EDITORIAL INTRODUCTION. tion of character and a sprightly dialogue for its success. It can scarcely be classed in the rank of a farce, for in the point and finish of its language, it might rank as a comedy. It is also a graphic picture of the manners of the last century, somewhat caricatured, perhaps, yet not so much as to destroy its actual resemblance to the classes of society, of which the Dramatis Personae are supposed to be the representative. The vulgarity and simplicity of Drugget and his wife, found their original, in actual life at that period, among the retired "cits" of London ; and the fashionable Sir Charles Racket, and his equally " tonnish" lady, may be considered fair specimens of the leaders of fashion of that period. " Three Weeks After Marriage," affords ample display for the talents of the actors. It was delightfully played at the Park a season or two since. Mr. George Barrett was inimitably fine in Sir Charles — flippant, yet gentlemanly ; and Mrs. Bland, in Lady Racket, ably supported the broad good- humoured vulgarity of Bass, in Old Drugget, and will be re- membered with delight by every play-goer ; whilgt Mrs. Vernon was the very beau ideal of the simple-hearted, affectionate, but ignorant Mrs. Drugget. H. THREE WEEKS AFTER MARRIAGE. A C T I. Scene I. — A Room. Enter WooDLRY and Dimity, l. Dim. Poll ! poll ! — no such thing, Ttell you, Mi\ Wood ley ; you are a mere novice in these aHUiis. Wood. Nay, but listen to reason, Mrs. Dimity ; — has not your master. Mr, Drugget, invited me d be allied to a gentleman of y(»ur rank and aste." — " Upon my word, lie's a pretty young gen- tleman." — Theii wheel about to the mother : " Your 8 THREE WEEKS AFTER MARRIAGE. [Act 1 daughter, ma'am, is the very model of you, and I shall adore her for your sake." — " Here, come hither, Nancy, take this gentleman for Ijotter or worse." " La, mamma, I can never consent !" — "1 should ncjthave thought of your consent — the consent of your relations is enough : why, now now, hussey !" So away you go to church, the knot IS tied, an agreeable honeymoon follows, the charm is then dissolved ; you go to all the clubs in St. James's street : your lady goes to the Coterie ; and, in a little time, you Doth go to Doctors' Commons ! and, if faults on both sides prevent a divorce, you'll quarrel like contrary elements all fhe rest of your lives: That's the way of the world now. Wood. But you know, my dear Dimity, the old couple nave received every mark of attention from me. Di?ri. Attention ! to be sure you did not fall asleep in dieir company ; but what then ] You should have en- tered into their oharacters, played with their humours, and saciillced to their absurdities. Wood. But if my temper is too frank — Di/n. Frank, indeed ! yes, you have been frank enough to ruin yourself. — Have you not to do with a rich old shopkeeper, retired from business with an hundred thou- sand pounds in his pocket, to enjoy the dust of the Lon- don load, which he calls living in the country—and yet you must find fault with his situation ! — What if he has made a ridiculous gimcrack of his house and gardens, you know his heart is set upon it ; and could not you com- mend his taste 1 But you must be too frank ! — " Those walks and alleys are too regular, — those evergreens should not be cut into such fantastic shapes," — and thus you ad- vise a poor old mechanic, who delights in everything that's monstrous, to follow nature ! — Oh, you are likely to be a successful lover ! Wood. But why should I not save a father-in-law from being a laughing-stock 1 Vim. Make him your father-in-law first. Wood. Why, he can't open his windows for the dust- he stands all day looking through a pane of glass, at the carts and stage coaches as they pass by ; and he calls that living in the fresh air, and enjoying his own thcughts 1 Dim. And could you not let him go on his own way ? You have ruined yourself by talking sense to him ; and Scene I.] THREE WEEKS AFTER MARRIAGE. 9 all your nonsense to the daughter won't make amends for it. And then the mother: how have you played youi caids in that quarter 1 — She w^nts a tinsel man of fashion for her second daughter — " Don't you see," says she, " how happy my eldest girl is made by marrying Sii* Charles Racket 1 She has been mariied three entire weeks, and not so much as one angry word has passed between them. — Nancy shall have a man of quality, too !" Wood. And yet I know Sir Charles Racket perfectly well. Ditn. Yes, so do I ; and I know he'll make his lady wretched at last — but what then 1 You should have hu- moured the old folks, — you should have been a talking, empty fop, to the good old lad)'- ; and to the old gentleman, an admirer of his taste in gardening. But you have lost him — he is grown fond of his beau Lovelace, who is here in the house with him : the coxcomb ingratiates himself by flattery, and you are undone by frankness. Wood. And yet. Dimity, I won't despair. Di?}i. And yet you have reason to despair ; a million of reasons. To-morrow is fixed for the wedding-day ; Sir Charles and his lady are to be here this very night — they are engaged, indeed, at a great rout in town, but they take a bed here, notwithstanding ; the family is sitting up for them; Mr. Drugget will keep you all up in the next room there, till they arrive ; and to-morrow the business is over — and yet you don't despair! Hush ! — hold your tongue ; here comes Lovelace. Step in, and I'll advise something, I warrant you. [Exit Woodlci/, m. d.] The old folks shall not have their own way ; — 'tis enough to vex a body, to see an old father and mother marrying their daughter as they please, in spite of all 1 can do. [Exit, M. D. Enter Drugget and Lovelace, l. Drug. And so you like my house and gardens, Mi*. Lovelace ] Love. Oh ! perfectly, sir ; they gi^atify my taste of all things. One sees villas where nature reigns in a wild kind of simplicity ; but then they have no appearance of art, — no art at all. Drug. Very true, rightly distinguished ; — now mine ia all art ; no wild if ature here ; I did it myself. 10 THREE WEEKS AFTER MARRIAGE. [Act I Love. What ! had you none of the great proficients in ganleiiing to assist you '? Drug. Lack-a-clay ! no, — ha! ha! I understand these things : — I \o\q my garden. The front of my house, Mr. Lovelace — is not that very pretty ? Love. Elegant to a degree ! Drug. Don't you like the sun-dial, placed just by my dining-room windows ? Love. A perfect beauty ! Drug. I knew you'd like it ; and the motto is so well adapted. — Tcinpus cdax and index rerum. And 1 know the meaning of it : — Time eateth and discovereth all things, — ha ! ha ! pretty, Mr, Lovelace ! — I have seen people so stare at it as they pass by, — ha ! ha! Love. Why, now, I don't believe there's a nobleman in the kingdom has such a thing. Drug. Oh, no ; — they have got into a false taste. I bought that bit of ground the other side of the road, — and it looks very pretty. — 1 made a duck-pond there, for the Bake of the prospect. Love. Charmingly imagined ! Drug. My leaden images are w^ell — Love. They exceed ancient statuary. Drug. I love to be surprised at tlie turning of a walk with an inanimate figure, that looks you full in the face, and can say nothing to you, while one is enjoying one's own thoughts — ha! ha! — Mr. Lovelace, I'll point out a beauty to you. Just by the haw-haw, at the end of my ground, there is a fine Dutch figure with a scythe in- his hand, and a pipe in his mouth ; — that's a jewel, Mr. Love- lace. Love. That escaped me : a thousand thanks for point- ing it out — I observe you have two very fine yew-trees before the house. Drug. Lack-a-day, sir, they look uncouth ; — I have a design about them : — I intend, — ha! ha! it will be very pretty, Mr. Lovelace — I intend to have them cut into the shape of the two giants at Guildhall — ha! ha ! Love. Nobody understands these things like you, Mr. Drugget. Drug. Lack-a-day ! it's all my delight now ; — this is wliat I have been working for. I have a great improve- 8c£N£ I.] THREE WEEKS AFTER MARRIAGE. 1 1 ment to make still, — T propose to have my evergreens cut into fortifications; and then 1 shall have the Moro Castle, and the Havanna ; and then near it shall be ships of myr- tle, sailing upon seas of box to attack the town : won't that make my place look very rural, Mr. Lovelace ? Love. Why, you have the most fertile invention, Mr. Drugget — Drug. Ha ! ha ! this is what I have been working for. I love my garden, — but I must beg your pardon for a few- moments ; — I must step and speak with a famous nursery- man, who is come to offer me some choice things. — Do go and join the company, Mr. Lovelace, — my daughter Rack- et and k5ir Charles will be here presently ; — I shan't go to bed till I see 'em — ha ! ha ! — My place is prettily va- riegated, — this is what I have been working for; — I fined for sheriff to enjoy these things — ha ! ha ! [Exit, r. Love. Poor Mr. Drugget ! Mynheer Van Thunderten- trunck, in his little box at the side of a dyke, has as much taste and elegance. — However, if I can but carry off his daughter, if I can but rob his garden of that flower — wliy I then shall say, " This is what 1 have been working for.'' Enter Dimity, m. d. Dim. Do lend us your assistance, Mr. Lovelace ; — you're a sweet gentleman, and love a good-natured action. Love. Why, how now ! what's the matter ] Di7n. My master is going to cut the two yew-trees into the shape of two devils, 1 believe; and my poor mistress is breaking her heart for it. Do loin and advise him against it ; — she is your friend, you know she is, sir. Love. Oh, if that's all, — I'll make that matter easy di- lectly. Di^n. My mistress will be for ever obliged to you ; and you'll marry her daughter in the morning. Love. Oh, my rhetoric shall dissuade him. Dim. And, sir, put him against dealing with that nur- eeryman ; Mrs. Drugget hates him. Love. Does she ? ' Dm. Mortally. Love. Say no more — the business is done. [Exit, r. Dim. If he says one word, old Drugget will never for- give him. — My brain was at its last shift ; but if this jjlot takes — So, here comes our Nancy. 12 THREE WEEKS AFTER MARRI.iGE. [Act 1. Enter Nancy, l. Nan. Well, Dimity, what's to become of me ? Dim. My stars ! what makes you up, Miss ? — I thought you were gone to bed ! Nan. What should I go to bed for 1 Only to tumble and toss, and fret, and be uneasy — they are going to marry me, and I am frightened out of my wits ! Dim. Why, then, you're the only young lady within fifty miles round, that would be frightened at such a thing. Nan. Ah ! if they would let me choose for myself. Dim. Don't you like Mr. Lovelace 1 Nan. My mamma does, but I don't ! I don't mind his being a man of fashion, not I. Dim. And, pray, can you do better than follow the fashion 1 Nan. Ah ! I know there is a fashion for new bonnets, and a fashion for dressing the hair; — but I never heard of a fashion for the lieart. Di7n. Why, then, my dear, the heart mostly follows the fashion now. Nan. Does it? — pray, who sets the fashion of the heart? Di7n. All the fine ladies in London, o' my conscience. Nan. And what's the last new fashion, pray 1 Dim. Why, to marry any fop that has a few deceitfiil agreeable appearances about him ; something of a pert phrase, a good operator for the teeth, and a tolerable tailor. Nan. And do they marry without loving ? Di7n. Oh ! marrying for love has been a gi'eat while out of fashion. Nan. Why, then, I'll wait till that fashion comes up ELgain. Dim. And then, Mr. Lovelace, I reckon — Nan. Pshaw ! I don't like him : he talks to me as if ho was the most miserable man in the world, and the confi- dent thing looks so pleased with himself all the while. — • I want to miirry for love, and not for card-playing — I should not be able to bear the life my sister leads with Sir Charles Racket — and I'll forfeit my new cap, if they don't quan-el soon. Dim. Oh, fie ! no ! they won't quarrel yet awhile. — A Scene I. THREE WEEKS AFTER MARRIAGE. 13 quarrel in three weeks after marriage, would be s ime- what of the quickest — By and by we shall hear of their whims and their humours — Well, but if you don't like Mr. Lovelace, what say you to Mr. Woodley ? Nan. Ah ! 1 don't know what to say. Enter Woodley, m. d. Wood. My sweetest angel ! I have heard all, and my heart ovei-flovvs with love and gratitude. Nan. Ah ! but I did not know you was listening. You should not have betrayed me so, Dimity : I shall be angry with you. Dim. Well, I'll take my chance for that. — Run both into my room, and say all your pretty things to one an- other there, for here comes the old gentleman — make haste away. [Exeunt Woodley and Nancy, m. d. Enter Drugget, r. Drug. A forward, pi-esuming coxcomb ! — Dimity, do you step to Mrs. Drugget, and send her hither. Dim. Yes, sir; — it works upon him, I see. [Exit, l. Drug. The yew-trees ought not to be cut, because they'll help to keep off" the dust, and 1 am too near the road already — a sorry, ignorant fop ! — When I am in so fine a situation, and can see every carriage that goes by. And then to abuse the nurseryman's rarities ! — A liner sucking pig in lavender, with sage growing in his belly, was never seen ! — And yet he wants me not to have it — But have it I will. — There's a fine tree of knowledge, too, with Adacn and Eve in juniper ; Eve's nose is not quite grown, but it is thought in the spring will be very forward — I'll have that, too, with the serpent in ground ivy — two poets in wormwood — I'll have them both. Ay ; and there's a Lord Mayor's feast in honey-suckle ; and the whole Court of Aldermen in hornbeain : they all shall be in my gaiden, with the Dragon of Wantley, in box — all — all — • I'll have 'em all, let my wife and Mr. Lovelace say what they will — Enter Mrs. Drugget, l. ]\Irs. D. Did you send for me, lovey ? Drug. The yew-trees shall be cut into the gianti; of Guildhall, whether you will or not. 14 THREE WEEKS AFrER MARRIAGE, [Act I. Mrs. D. Sure, my own dear will do as he pleases. Drug. And the pond, though you praise the green banks, shall be walled round, and I'll have a little fat boy in marble, spouting up water in the middle. Mrs. D. My sweet, who hinders you ] Drug. Yes, and I'll buy the nurseryman's whole cata- logue ; — Do you think, after retiring to live all the way here, almost four miles from London, that I won't do as I please in my own garden 1 Mrs. D. My dear, but why are you in such a passion 1 Drug. I'll have the lavender pig, and the Adam and Eve, and the Dragon of VVantley, and all of 'em — and there shan't be a more romantic spot on the London road than mine. Mrs. D. I'm sure it's as pretty as hands can make it. Drug. I did it all myself, and I'll do more — And Mr. Lovelace shan't have my daughter. Mrs. D. No ! what's the matter now, Mr. Dragget ? Drug. He shall learn better manners than to abuse my house and gardens. — -You put him in the head of it, but I'll disappoint you both — And so you may go and tell Mr. Lovelace that the match is quite off. Mrs. D. I can't comprehend all this, not I, — but I'll tell him so, if you please, my dear — I am willing to give myself pain, if it will give you pleasure : must I give my- self pain / — Don't ask me, pray don't: — I don't like pain. Drug. 1 am resolved, and it shall be so. M7-S. D. Let it be so, then. [Cries.'\ Oh! oh! cruel man ! I shall break my heart if the match is broke off; — if it is not concluded to-morrow, send for an undertaker, and bury me the next day. Drue. How ! I don't want that, neither — Mr^.D. Oh ! oh !— Drug. I am your lord and master, my dear, but not your executioner — Before George, it must never be said, that my wife died of too much compliance — Cheer up, my love — and this affair shall be settled as soon as Sir Charles and Lady Racket anive. Mrs. D. You bring me to life again — You know, my Bweet, what a happy couple Sir Chai'les and his lady are — Why should not we make our Nancy as happy 1 Seira I.J THREE WEEKS AFTER MARRIAGE. 15 Enter Dimity, r. Dim. Sir Charles and his lady, ma'am. Mrs. D. Oh ! charming ! I'm transported with joy !— Where are they 1 I long to see 'em ! [Exit, r. Dim. Well, sir ; the happy couple are arrived. Drug. Yes, they do live happy, indeed. Dim. But how long will it last I Drvg. How long ! don't forebode any ill, you jade ! — don't, 1 say — it will last during their lives, I hope. Dim. Well, maik the end of it — Sir Charles, I know, is gay and good, humoured — but he can't bear the least contradiction, no, not in the merest trifle. Drug. Hold your tongue — hold your tongue. Dim. Yes, sir, I have done: — and yet there is in the composition of Sir Chai'les a certain humour, which, like the flying gout, gives no disturbance to the family till it settles iti the head ; — When once it fixes there, mercy on everybody about him ! but here he comes ! [Exit, l. Enter Sir Charlf,.s, r. Sir C. My dear sir, I kiss your hand — but why stand on ceremony ? To find you up thus late, mortifies mo beyond expression. Drug. 'Tis but once in a way. Sir Charles. Sir C. My obligations to you are inexpressible ; you have given me the most amiable of girls ; our tempers accoid like unisons in music. Drug. Ah ! that's what makes me happy, in my old days ; my child'-en and my garden are all my care. Sir C. And. my friend Lovelace — he is to have our Bister Nancy, I find. Drug. Why, my wife is so minded. Sir C. Oh ! by all means, let her be made happy — A very pretty fellow, Lovelace — And as to that Mr. — Wood- ley, I think you call him — he is but a plain, underbred, ill-fashioned sort of a — nobody knows him ! — he is not one of us. — Oh, by all means, marry her to one of us. [Crosses to l. Drug. I believe it must be so. — Would you take any refreshment] Si/ C. Nothing in nature, — it is time to retire. 16 THREE WEEKS AFTER, MARRIAGE. [Act I Drug. "Well, well ! good night, ll:ien, Sir Charles — Ha! here comes my daughter. — Good night, Sir Charles. Sir C, Bon repos. Drug. [Goi?ig out, R.J My Lady Racket, I'm glad to hear how happy you are ; I won't detain you now — there's your good man waiting for you — good night, my girl. Sir C. 1 must humour this old putt, in order to be re- membered in his will. Enter Lady Racket, r. Lady R. Oh, la! — I'm quite fatigued ; — I can hardly move ; — why don't you help me, you barbarous man ? Sir C. There ; take my arm — " Was ever thing so pretty made to walk 1" Lady R. But I won't be laughed at — I don't love you ! Sir a Don't you ? Lady R. No — dear me ! this glove ! why don't you help me off with my glove ? Pshaw! you awkward thing, let it alone ; you an't fit to be about me ; I might as well not be married, for any use you are of — reach me a chair — you have no compassion for me — I am so glad to sit down — why do you drag me to routs ? — You know I hate them ! Sir C. Oh ! there's no existing, no breathing, unless one does as other people of fashion do. Lady R. But I'm out of humour; I lost all my money. Sir C. How much ? Lady R. Three hundred. Sir C. Never fret for that — I don't value three hun- dred pounds to contribute to your happiness. Lady R. Don't you 1 — not value three hundred pounds to pleasure me ? Sir C. You know I don't! Lady R. Ah ! you fond fool — But I hate gaming — It almost metamorphoses a woman into a fury — Do you know, that I was frightened at myself several times to night? — I had a huge oath at the very tip of my tongue ! Sir C. Had ye ? Lady R. I caught myself at it — and so I bit my lips-^ and then I was crammed up in a coi'ner of the room with such a strange party at a whist-table, looking at black and red spots — did you mind them 1 SciifE I.J THREE WEEKS AFTER MARRIAGE. 17 Sir C. You know I was busy elsewhere. Lady R. There was that strange, unaccountable wo- man, Mrs. Nightshade. — She behaved so strangely to her husband, a poor, inoffensive, good-natured, good sort of a good-for-nothing man, — but she so teazed him, — "How could you play that card ? — Ah, you've a head, and so has a pin — You're a numscull, you know you are — Ma'am, he has the poorest head in the world ; he does not know what he is about, you know you don't — Ah, fie ! I'm ashamed of you !" Sir C She has sen'ed to divert you, I see. Ladij R. And then, to crown all — there was my Lady Clackit, who runs on with an eternal volubility of nothing, out of all season, time, and place — In the veiy midst of the game she begins — " Lard, ma'am, I was apprehensive I should not be able to wait on your la'ship — my poor little dog, Pompey — the sweetest thing in tlie world — a spade led ! — there's the knave — I was fetching a walk, me'm, the other morning in the Park — a fine frosty morn- ing it was — 1 love frosty weather of all things — let me look at the last trick — and so, me'm, little Pompey — and if your la'ship was to see the dear creature pinched with the frost, and mincing his steps along the Mall — with his pretty little innocent face — 1 vow 1 don't know what to play — and so, me'm, while 1 was talking to Captain Flim- sey — your la'ship knows Captain Flimsey — nothing but rubbish in my hand — I can't help it — and so, me'm, five odious frights of dogs beset my poor little Pompey — the dear creature has the heart of a lion, but, but who can resist five at once ? — And so Pompey barked for assist- ance — the hurt he received was upon his chest — the doc- tor would not advise him to venture out till the wound was healed, for fear of an inflammation — Pray, what's trumps?" Sir C. My dear, you'd make a n:;ost excellent actress. Lady R. Well, now let's go to rest ; — but. Sir Charles, how shockingly you played that last rubber, when 1 stood looking over you! Sir C. My love, I played the truth of the game. Lady R. No, indeed, my dear, you played it wrong. Sir C. Pho! nonsense! you don't understand it ! Lady R. I beg your pardon, I'm allowed tc; play better than you ! 18 THREE WEEKS AFTER MARRIAGE Act I Sir C. All conceit, my dear, I was perfectly right. Lady R. No such thing, Sir Charles, the diamond was the play. Sir C. Pho ! pho ! ridiculous ! the club was the card against the world ! Lady R. Oh ! no, no, no — I say it was the diamond ! Sir C. Zounds ! madam, I say it was the club ! Lady R. What do you fly into such a passion for? Sir C. 'Sdeath and fury ! do you think I don't know what I'm about? I tell you once more, the club was the judgment of it ! Lady R. May be so ; — have it your own way ! [ Walks about and sings. Sir C. Vexation ! you're the strangest woman that ever lived ! there's no conversing with you ! — Look'ye here, my Lady Racket — it's the clearest case in the world, I'll make it plain in a moment. Lady R. Well, sir ! ha ! ha ! ha ! [ With a sneering laugh. Sir C. I had four cards left — a tnimp was led — they were six ; — no, no, no, they were seven, and we nine ; — then you know — the beauty of the play was to — Lady R. Well, now it's amazing to me that you can't pee it ! — give me leave. Sir Charles, — your left hand ad- versary had led his last trump, — and he had before finess- ed the club, and roughed the diamond; — now if you had put on your diamond — Sir C. Zounds ! madam, but we played for the odd trick. Lady R. And sure the play for the odd trick — Sir C. Death and fury ! can't you hear me ? Lady R. Go on, sir. Sir C. Zounds ! hear me, I say ! — Will you hear me ? Lady R. I never heard the like in n y life ! \Hums a tune, and walks about fretfully. Sir C Why, then, you are enough to provoke the pa- tience of a stoic. [ Looks at her, and she tvalks about, and laughs uneasily.] Very well, madam ; — you know no more of the game tlian your father's leaden Hercules, on the top of the house. — You know no more of whist, than he does t)f gardening. Lady R. Ha ! ha ! ha ! [ Takes out a glass, and settles her hair. Scene I.] THREE WEEKS AFTER MARRIAGE. 4J? Sir C. You're a vile woman, and I'll not sleep another night, under the same roof with you ! Lady R- As you please, sir. Sir C. Madam, it shall be as I please ! — I'll order my chariot this moment — [Going, k.] — I know how the cards should be played as well as any man in England, that let me tell you! [Going, r.] And when your family were standing behind counters, measuring out tape, and barter- ing for VVhitechapel needles, my ancestors, madam, my ancestors were squandering away whole estates at cards ; whole estates, my Lady Racket. [She hums a tune, and he looks at her.^ Why, then, by all that's dear to me, I'll never exchange another word with you, good, bad, or in- different ! — Look'ye, my Lady Racket, thus it stood — the trump being led, it was then my business — Lady R. To play the diamond, to be sure. Sir C. Damn it ! I have done with you for ever, and BO you may tell your father ! [Exit, n. Lady R. What a passion the gentleman's in ! ha ! ha ! [Laughs in a peevish f?ianner] — I promise him, I'll not give up my judgment. Re-enter Sir Charles, r. Sir C. My Lady Racket, look'ye, ma'am ; — once more, out of pure good-nature — Lady R. Sir, I am convinced of your good-nature. Sir C. That, and that only, prevails with me to tell you, the club was the play. Lady R. Well, be it so ; — I have no objection. Sir C. It's the clearest point in the world ; — we were nine, and — Lady R. And for that very reason : — You know the club was the best in the house. Sir C. There is no such thing as talking to you. — You're a base woman ! — I'll part from you for ever ; you may live here with your father, and admire his fantastical evergreens, till you grow as fantastical yourself — I'll set out for London this instant ! [Stoj)s at the door.\ The club was not the best in the house. Lady R. How calm you are ! Well ! I'll go to bed ; — will you come ? — You had better, — come, then ; — you shall come to bed. — Not come to bed, when I ask you? Poor Sir Charles ! [Looks and laugh*, then Exit, l. 20 THREE WEEKS AFTER MARRIAGE. [Act II Sir C. That ease is provoking! \ Crosses f.c l.] I tell you the rliamond was not the play, and here I take my final leave of you. [ JValks hack as fast as he can.] I am res(jlved upon it, and 1 know the club was not the best in the house. [Exit, r. END OP ACT I. ACT II. Scene I. — A Room. Enter Dimity, h. Dim. Ha ! ha ! ha ! Oh ! heavens ! I shall expire in a fit of laughing; — this is the modish couple that were so happy — such a quarrel as they have had, — the whole house is in an uproar — ha ! ha ! a rai-e proof of the hap- piness they enjoy in high life ! I shall never hear peo- ple of fashion mentioned again, but 1 shall be ready to die in a fit of laughter; — ho! ho! ho ! — This is Three Weeks After Marriage, I think. Enter Drugget, r. Drug. Hey ! how ! What's the mattex', Dimity 1 — What am I called down stairs for ? Dij?i. Why, there's two people of fashion — [Stifles a la^tgJi. Drug. Why, you saucy minx ! — Explain, this moment ! Dim. The fond couple have been together by the ears this half hour: — Are you satisfied now? Drug. Eh ! — What, have they quan'elled 1 — What was it about 1 Dim. Something above my comprehension, and yours too, I believe. People in high life understand their own forms best : — And here comes one that can unriddle the whole affair. [ Exit, l. Enter Sir Charles, r. Sir C. [ To the people wtthin.] I say, let the horses be put to this moment, — So, Mr. Drugget — Scene I.] THREE WEEKS AFTER MARRIAGE. 21 Drvg. Sir Charles, here's a terrihlo bustle— I did no* expect this. — What can be the matter? tSlr C. I have been used by your daui^htcr in so l)asc, so contemptuous a manner, that 1 am delcriTiined not to stay in this house to-nitrht. Drug. This is a thunderbolt to me ! after seeinq liow elegantly and fashionably you lived togcllier, fo fnul now ail sunshine vanished ! Do, Sir Charles, let me heal this breach, if possible. Sir C. Sir, 'tis impossible ! — I'll not live with lier a day longer ! Drvg. Nay, nay, don't be over hasty, let me entreat you — go to bed and sleep upon it, — in the moiuing, when you're cool — Sir C. Oh, sir, I am very cool, I assure you, ha ! ha! — it is not in her power, sir, to — a — a — to disturb the se- renity of my temper. — Don't imagine tliat I'm in a pas- sion ! — I'm not so easily ruffled as you may imagine ! — But, quietly and deliberately, I can rej)ay the injuries done me by a false, ungrateful, deceitful wife. Drug. The injuries done you by a false, Uiigrateful wife ! Not my daughter, I hope 1 Sir C. Her character is now fully known tome; — she'a a vile woman ! that's all I have to say, sir. Drvg. Hey ! how ! — A. vile woman ? — What has she done? — I hope she is not capable — Sir C. I shall enter into no detail, INIr. Drugget ; the time and circumstances won't allow it at jnesent. IJut, depend upon it, I have done with her; — a low, unjiolish- ed, uneducated, false, imposing — See if the horses are put to. [ Ca//i?/g ojf, K. Drug Mercy on me ! in my old days to hear iliis ! Enter Mrs. Drugget, l. Mrs. D. Deliver me ! I am all over in such a tremble ! Sir Charles, I shall break my heart if there's anything amiss. Sir C. Madam, 1 am very sorry, for your sake ; — but there is no possibility of living with lier. 3Irs. D. My jKKjr, dear girl ! what can she have done! Sir C. What all her sex can do ; the very spirit of them all. 22 THREE WEEKS AFTER MARRIAGE. [Aax II. Drug. Ay ! ay ! ay ! — She's bringing foul disgrace up« on us. — This comes of her manying a man Cif fasliion ! Sir C. Fashion, sir ! — that should have instructed her better; — she might have been sensible of her happiness. Whatever you may think of the fortune you gave her, my rank commands respect — claims obedience, attention, truth, and love, from one raised in the w^orld, as she has been, by an alliance with me. Drug. And let me tell you, however you may estimate your quality, my daughter is dear to me. Sir C. And, sir, my character is dear to me. Drug. Yet-you must give me leave to tell you — Sir C. I won't hear a word. Drug. Not in behalf of my own daughter? Sir C. No ! no ! no ! Drus;. But, sir, I have a ris:ht to ask — Mrs. D. Patience, my dear, be a little calm. Drug. Mrs. Drugget, do you have patience — I must and will inquire. Mrs. D. Don't be so hasty, my love ; have some respect for Sir Charles's rank ; don't be violent with a man of his fashion. Drug. Hold your tongue, woman, I say — you're not a person of fashion, at least. [To Sir C] My daughter was ever a good girl. Sir C. I have found her out. Drug. Oh ! then it is all over — and it does not signify arguing about it. Mrs. D. That ever I should live to see this hour ! — How the unfortunate girl could take such wickedness in her head, I can't imagine — I'll go and speak to the un- happy creature this moment. [Exit, i.. Sir C. She stands detected now — detected in her truest colours. Drug. Well, grievous as it may be, let me hear the circumstances of this unhappy business. jS;V C. Ml*. Diugget, I have not leisure now — but her beiiaviour has been so exasperating, that I shall make the best of my way to town. My mind is fixed — she sees me no more ; and so, your servant, sir. \^Exit, k. Drug. What a calamity has here befallen us ! — a good girl, and so well disposed, till the evil communication of high life, and fashionable vices, turned her to folly. ScEWE I.] THREE WEEKS AFTER MARRIAGE. 23 Enter Lovelace, i,. Love. Joy ! joy ! Mr. Drugget, I give you joy ! Drug. Don't insult me, sir ! I desire you won't. Loi:c. Insult you, sir ! is there anything insulting, my dear sir, if I take the liberty to congratulate you on — Drug. There ! there ! the manners of high life for you ! He thinks there's nothing in all this — the ill behaviour of a wife he thinks an ornament to her character ! — JMr. Lovelace, you shall have no daughter of mine. Love. My dear sir, never bear malice. — I have recon- sidered the thing, and curse catch me, if I don't think your notion of the Guildhall giants, and the Court of Al- dermen in hornbeam — Drug. Well ! well ! well ! there may be people at the court end of the town in hornbeam, too. Love. Yes, faith, so there may — and I believe I could recommend you to a tolerable collection. However, with your daughter I am ready to venture — Drug. But I am not ready — I'll not venture my girl with you ; — no more daughters of mine shall have their minds depraved by polite vices. Enter Woodley, r. Mr. Woodley, you shall have Nancy to your wife, as I promised you — take her to-mori'ow morning. Wood. Sir, I have not words to express — Love. What the devil is the matter with the old haber- dasher now ? Drug. And hark ye, Mr. AVoodlcy — I'll make you a present, for your garden, of a coronation dinner in greens, with the champion riding on horseback, and the sword will be full grown before April next. Wood. I shall receive it, sir, as your favour. Drug. Ay, ay ! I see my error in wanting an alliance with great folks. I had rather have you, Mr. Wondley, for my son-in-law, than any courtly fop of 'cm all. Is this man gone? — Is Sir Charles gone? Wood. Not yet — he makes a bawling yonder for his horses. — I'll step and call him to yoj. \P2.vit, r. Drug. I am out of all patience — I am out of my senses —I must see him once more. Mr. Lovelace, neither you 24 THREE WEEKS AFTER MARRIAGE. [Act II nor any person of fashion, shall i-uin another daughter of mine. [Extt, r. Love. Droll, this ! damned droll! and every syllable of it Arabic to me : — the queer old putt is as whimsical in his notions of life as of gardening. If this be the case, I'll binish, and leave him to his exotics. [Exit, r. Enter Lady Racket, Mrs. Drugget, and Dimity, l. Eady R. A cruel, barbarous man ! to quarrel in this unaccountable manner; to alarm the whole house, and expose me and himself too. Mrs. D. Oh ! child, I never thought it would have come to this — your shame won't end here ! it will be all over St. James's parish before to-moiTOw morning. Lady R. Well, if it must be so, there's one comfort — the story will tell more to his disgrace than mine. Dim. As I'm a sinner, so it will, madam. He desei"ves what he has met with, I think. Mrs. D. Dimity, don't you encourage her — you shock me to hear you speak so — I did not think you had been so hardened. Lady R. Hai'dened, do you call it ? — I have lived in the world to very little purpose, if such trifles as these are to disturb my rest. Mrs. D. You wicked girl ! — Do you call it a trifle to be guilty of a falsehood to your husband 1 Lady R. How ! [ Turns short, and stares at 7icr.] Well, I protest and vow I don't comprehend all this. Has Sir Charles accused me of any impropriety in my conduct? Mrs. D. Oh ! too true, he has — he has found you out, and you have behaved basely, he says. Lady R. Madam ! Mrs. D. You have fallen into frailty, like many others of your sex, he says ; and he is resolved to come to a separation directly. Lady R. Why, then, if he is so base a wretch as to dishonour me in that manner, his heart shall ache before I live with him again. Dim. Hold to that, ma'am, and let his head aolie into the bargain. Lady R. Tlien let your doors be opened for him this very moment. — Let him return to London — if he does Scene I.J THREE WEEKS AFTER MARRIAGE. 25 not, I'll lock myself up, and the false one shan't approach me, though he beg on his knees at my very door — a base, mjurious man ! [Exit, l. Mrs. D. Dimity, do follow, and hear what she has to say for herself. Dim. She has excuse enough, I warrant her. — What a noise is here, indeed ! I have lived in polite families, where there was no such bustle made about nothing. [Exit, L Enter Sir Charles and Drugget, r. Sir C. 'Tis in vain, sir : my resolution is taken. Drug. Well, but consider, I am her father — indulge me only till we hear what the girl has to say in her defence. Sir C. She can have nothing to say — no excuse can palliate such behaviour. Drug. Don't be too positive — there may be some mis- take. Sir C. No mistake — did I not see her, hear her myself? Drug. Lackaday ! then I am an unfortunate man ! Sir C. She will be unfortunate, too — with all my heart — she may thank herself — she might have been happy, had she been so disposed. Drug. Why, truly, I think she might. Mrs. D. I wish you'd moderate your anger a little, and let us talk over this affair with temper — my daughter de- nies every tittle of your charge. Sir C. Denies it ! denies it ! Mrs. D. She does, indeed. Sir C. And that aggravates her fault. M?-s. D. She vows you never found her out in anything that was wrong. Sir C. So ! she does not allow it to be wrong, then ? — Ma'am, I tell you again, I know her thoroughly ; I say, I have found her out, and I am now acquainted with her character. iMrs. D. Then you are in opposite stories — she swears, my dear Mr. Drugget, the poor girl swears she never was guilty of the smallest infidelity to her husband in her bom days. Sir C. And what then? — w^hat if she does say so ? Mrs. D. And if she says truly, it is hard her character ebould be blevni upon without just cause. 26 THREE WEEKS AFTER MARRIAGE, [Aci II. Sir C. And is she, therefore, to behave il' in other re- spects 1 I never charged her w^ith intideUty to me, ma- dam — there I allow her innocent. Drug. And did you not charge her, then ? Sir C. No, sir ! I never dreamt of such a thing. Drug. Why, then, if she's innocent, let me tell you, you are a scandalous person. Mrs. D. Prythee, my dear — Drug. Be quiet. — Though he is a man of quality, I will tell him of it. Did I not fine for sheriff? — Yes, you are a scandalous person, to defame an honest man's daughter. Sir C What have you taken into your head now? Drug. You charged her with falsehood to your bed. Sir C. No ; never, never ! Drug. But I say you did : you called yourself a cuck- old — did not he, wife ? Mrs. D. Yes, lovey, I'm witness. Sir C. Absurd ! I said no such thing. Drug. But I aver you did. Mrs. D. You did, indeed, sir. Sir C. But I tell you no — positively, no ! • Drug. Sf Mrs. D. And I say, yes — positively, yes ! Sir C 'Sdeath, this is all madness — Drug. You said she followed the ways of most of her sex. Sir C. I said so — and what then ? Drug. There, he owns it — owns that he called himself a cuckold — and without rhyme or reason, into the bargain. Sir C. I never owned any such thing! Drug. Y'^ou owned it even now — now — now ! Enter Dimitv, l., in a Jit of laughing. Dim. What do you think it was all about ? — ha! ha! the whole secret is come out, ha ! ha ! — It was all about a game of cards — ha ! ha ! — Drug. A game of cards ! Dim. [Laughing.^ It was all about a club and a dia- mond. [Runs out laughing, r. Drug And was that all. Sir Charles 1 Sir G. And enough, too, sir — Drug. And was that what you found her out lo ? Sir C. I can't bear to be contradicted, when I'm cleai that I'm in the right. Scene II.] THREE WEEKS AFTER MARRIAGE. 27 Drvg. I never heard such a heap of nonsense ir. all my tife ! Wliy does he not go and beg her pardon, then ] Sh- C. 1 beg her pardon ! I won't debase myself to any of you — I shan't forgive her, you may rest assured. [Exit, R. Drug. Now, there — there's a pretty fellow for you ! Mrs. D. I'll step and prevail on my Lady Racket to speak to him — then all will be well. [Exit, l. Drug. A ridiculous fop ! I'm glad it's no worse, how- ever. Enter Nancy, l. So, Nancy — you seem in confusion, my girl ! Nan. How can one help it ? — with all this noise in the house ; and you are going to many me as ill as my sister. I hate Mr. Lovelace. Drug. Why so, child ? Non. I know these people of quality despise us all out of pride, and would be glad to marry us out of avarice. Drug. The girl's right. Nan. They many one woman, live with another, and love only themselves — Drug. And then quarrel about a card. Nan. I don't want to be a gay lady — I want to be happy. Drug. And so you shall — don't fright yourself, child, — step to your sister; bid her make herself easy — go, and comfort her — go. Nan. Yes, sir. [Exit, l. Drug. I'll step and settle the matter with Mr. Wood- ley this moment. [Exit, r. Scene II. — A Boom. Sir Charles discovered seated at a Tahle, with a pack of cards in 7iis liand. Sir C. Never was anything like her behaviour. — I can pick out the very cards I had in my hand, and then 'tis as plain as the sun — there, now — there ; — no, damn it ; — no — no — there it was — now let's see — they had four by honours — and we played for the odd trick — damnation ! — honours were divided — ay ! — honours were divided — and then a trump was led — and the other side had the — con- 28 THREE WEEKS AFTER MARRIAGE. [Act II. fusion ! — this preposterous woman has put it all out of my head ! [Puts the cards into his pocket.] Mighty well, ma- dam; 1 have done with you. Enter Mrs. Drugget, l. Mrs. D. Come, Sir Charles, let me prevail — come with me, and speak to her. Sir C. I don't desire to see her face. Mrs. D. If you were to see her all bathed in tears, I am sure it would melt your very heart. Sir C. Madam, it shall be my fault if ever I am treated so again — I'll have nothing to say to her. [Going, r., stops.] Does she give up the point 1 Mrs. D. She does : she agrees to anything. Sir C. Does she allow that the club was the play? Mrs. D. Just as you please — she's all submission. Sir C. Does she own that the club was not the best in the house ? Mrs. D. She does — she does. Sir C. Then I'll step and speak to her. — I never was clearer in anything in my life. [Exit, l. Mrs. D. Lord love 'em, they'll make it up now — and then they'll be as happy as ever. [Exit, l. Enter Drugget, r., and Dimity, l. Drug. So ! Any news from above stairs ? Is this ab- surd quarrel at an end 1 Have they made it up? Dim. Oh ! a mere bagatelle, sir — these little fracas among the better sort of people, never last long — elegant trifles cause elegant disputes, and they come together ele- gantly again — as you see — for here they come, in perfect good humour. [Exit, l. Enter Sir Charles, Lady Racket, and Mrs. Drugget, l. Sir C. Mr. Di-ugget, I embrace you : Sir, you see me now in the most perfect hai-mony of spirits. Drug. What, all reconciled again ? Lady R. All made up, sir — I knew how to bring him to my lure. This is the first difference, I think, we ever had. Sir Charles. Sir C. And I'll be sworn it shall be the iast. Drug. I am happy at last. Sir Charles, I can spare ScKWE v.] THREE WEEKS AFTER MARRIAGE. 29 you an image, to put on the top of your house in London Sir C Infinitely obliged to you. Drvg. Well! well! — it's time to retire, now — I am glad to see you reconciled — and now I'll wish you a good night. Sir Charles — fare ye well, both — I am glad your quarrels are at an end. "This way. [Exeunt Mr. and Mrs. D., R. Lady R. Ah ! you 're a sad man, Sir Charles, to be have to me as you have done. Sir C. My dear, I grant it — and such an absurd quar- rel, too — ha ! ha ! Lady R. Yes — ha! ha! — about such a trifle ! Sir C. It's pleasant how we could both fall into such an error — ha ! ha ! Lady R. Ridiculous beyond expression — ha ! ha ! Sir C. And then the mistake your father and mother fell into — ha ! ha ! Lady R. That, too, is a diveiting part of the story — ha ! ha! — But, Sir Charles, must I stay and live with my father till I gi'ow as fantastical as his own evergreens ? Sir C. No, no ; prythee, don't remind n:e of my folly. Lady R. Ah ! " my relations were all standing behind counters, selling Whitechapel needles, while your family were spending great estates." Sir C. Nay, nay, spare my blushes. Lady R. How could you say so harsh a thing ? — I don't ove you. Sir C. It was indelicate, I grant it. Lady R. Am la" vile woman 1" Sir C. How can you, my angel — Lady R. I shan't forgive you ! — I'll have you on your knees for this. \ Sings, and plays with /tim.] " Go, naughty man." — Ah ! Sir Charles. Sir C. The rest of my life shall aim at convincing you now sincerely I love — Lady R. [Sings.\ " Go, naughty man, I can't abide you." Well; come, let us go to rest. \ Going, i..] Ah I Sir Charles, now it is all over, the diamond Avas the play. Sir C. Oh ! no, no, no, my dear — ha ! ha ! ha ! — it waa the club, indeed. Lady R. Indeed, my love, you're mistaken. Sir C. No ! no, no, no I 30 THREE WEEKS AFTER MARRIAGE. [Act {I. Lady R. But I say, yes, yes, yes ! \Both laughing. Sir C. Pshaw! no such thing — ha! ha! Jjady R. 'Tis so, indeed — ha ! ha ! Sir C No, no, no — you'll make me die with laughing. Lady R. Ay, and you make me augh, too — ha ! ha ! [ Toying with him. Enter Footman, r. Foot. Your honour's cap and slippers. Sir C. Ay, lay down my night-cap — and here, take these shoes off. [He takes them off, and leaves them at a distance.] Indeed, my Lady Racket, you make me ready to expire with laughing — ha ! ha ! Lady R. You may laugh — but I'm right, notwithstand- ing. Sir C. How can you say so ? Lady R. How can you say otherwise ? Sir C. Well, now mind me, my Lady Racket — we can now talk of this matter in good humour — we can discuss it coolly — Lady R. So we can, and it's for that reason I venture to speak to you — are these the ruffles I bought for you ? Sir C. They are, my dear. Lady R. They are very pretty — but, indeed, you play- ed the wrong card. .*5?V C. How can you talk so ! \ Somewhat peevish. Lady R. See there, now — Sir C. Listen to me — this was the affair — Lady R. Pshaw ! fiddlestick ! hear me first. Sir C. Pho — no — damn it, let me speak ! Lady R. Very well, sir; fly out again. Sir C. Look here, now — here's a pack of cards — now you shall be convinced — Lady R. You may talk till to-moirow ; I know I'm right. [ Walks aho2/t. Sir C. Why, then, by all that's pei-verse, you are the most headstrong — Can't you look here, now ? — here are fhe very cards. Lady R. Go on ; you'll find it out at last. Sir C Damn it ! will you let a man show you 1 Pho ! it's all nonsense — I'll talk no more about it. [Puts up the cards.\ Come, we'll go to bed. [Going.] Now, only stay BcEifi: II.] THKEE WEEKS AFTER MARRIAGE. 31 a moment. [Takes out the. cards\ Now, mind me — see here — Lady R. No, it does not signify — your head will be clearei' in the morning — I'll go to bed. Sir C. Stay a moment, can't ye ? Lady R. No — my head begins to ache. [Affectedly. Sir C. Why, then, damn the cards — there — there — [Throwing the cards ahovt.\ And there, and there. — Y.iu niay go to bed by yourself; and confusion seize me, if I live a moment longer with you ! [Putting his shoes on again.] No, never, madam ! Lady R. Take your own way, sir. Sir C. Now, then, I'll tell you once more, you aie a vile woman ! Will you sit down quietly and let me con- vince you ] [Sits, Lady R. I'm disposed to walk about, sir. Sir C. Why, then, may I perish, if ever — a blockhead — an idiot I was to marry ! [ Walks ahout.] Such a pro- voking — impertinent — [She sits down.] — Damnation ! — I am so clear in the thing — she is not worth my notice — [Sits doivn, turns his back, and looks uneasy.] I'll take no more pains about it. [Pauses for some time, then looks at her.] Is it not very strange that you won't hear me ? Lady R. S'ir, I am very ready to hear you. Sir C. Very well, then — very well — my deal' — you re- member how the game stood. Lady R. I wish you'd untie my necklace, it hurts me. Sir C. Why can't you listen 1 Lady R. I tell you, it hurts me teiribly. Sir C. Why, then, you may be as wrong as you please, for I'll be cursed if I ever endeavour to set you light again. [Exit, r. Enter Mr. and Mrs. Drugget, Woodley, and Nancy, l. Drug. What's here to do, now ? Lady R. Never was such a man boiTi. I did not say a word to the gentleman — and yet he has been raving about the room like a madman. Drug. And about a club again, I suppose. Come hith- er, Nancy : Mi". Woodley, she is yours for life. Mrs. D. My dear, how can you be so — Drug. It shall be so— take her for life, Mr. Woodley. 32 THREE WEEKS AFTER MARRIAGE. [Act II Wood. My whole life shall be devoted to h«r happiness, Lady R. Oh ! this is only one of those polite disputes, which people of quality, who have nothing else to differ about, must always be liable to — this will all be made up. Drug. Never tell me — it's too late now. — Mr. Wood- ley, I recommend my girl to your care — I shall have no- thing now to think of but my greens, and my images, and my shrubbery — though, mercy on all mairied folks, say I ! for these wranglings are, I am afraid, What we must all come to. Lady Racket, coining forward. What we must all come to ? — What 1 — Come to what ? Must broils and quarrels be the marriage lot? If that's the wise, deep meaning of our poet. The man's a fool ! a blockhead ! and I'll show it. What could induce him, in an age so nice, So famed for virtue, so refined from vice, To form a plan so trivial, false, and low, As if a belle could quarrel with a beau ? Shun strife, ye fair, and once a contest o'er. Wake to a blaze the dying flame no more. THE EN1>. DISPOSITION OF THE CHARACTERS AT THE FALL OF THE CURTAIN Druo. Mrs. D. Lauy R. Wood. Napjct, The Largest, Cheapest, and Best Magazine in the World J THE fietoi0rli |0iirnal ^-AJ OF ^-"^ ROMANCE, LITERATURE AND ART. Having purchased the well known New York Journal, the present proprietor will continpe it permanently, and will hereafter issue it with such a liberal regard to its improvement in every branch of Lit- KKATURE and Illustration, as shall make it unsurpassed, in point of A ttkactivkness and Real Value, b\' any other Journal or Magazine. The New York Journal WILL APPEAR PUNCTUALLY ! In size, a large quarto, each number will contain sixty-four pages, three columns wide. Its contents will embrace subjects selected and arranged so as to give, in the most agreeable manner, authentic Ix- PORMATION and Amusement to every one. The Journal will have One New and Interesting Novel, continued from number to number, alone worth the price of subscription , be- sides numerous Tales, Romances, Stories and Poetry. In the DRAMA, the proprietcd jresents a most agreeable feature, which does not exist in any other Journal, viz. : that of jjublishing in its columns an ENTIRE ACTING PLAY. The plays will be carefully and judiciously selected, ofifering what may be made use of, with a little tact in adaptation, as a very Pleasing and Instructive PARLOI^ ENTERTAINMENT. Improvements in AGRICULTURE, GARDENING, the Rearing oi Domestic Poultry, etc., will be drawn from all reliable sources. This Journal will aim at instructive " HINTS for HOME LTFE," addressed to the Ladies, on Health and Diet, Household Affairs, a Mother's Cares, Personal Accomplishments, etc. PATTERNS loi use- ful NEEDLEWORK, and .HINTS on the ART of DRESS will be ac companied by a description of a choice of the FASHIONS, with illus. trations. SPORTS of ihe SEASON, illustrated, suited to Children and Young People, in doors and out of doors ; and such matters as have a happy influence on their health and intelligence. Comicalities, Humorous Sayings, Anecdotes, and " Good Things," will lighten the more solid matter. TERMS ; — Published Monthly, Price, 18j cts. each number ; $1 per volume, or $2 per year. Price" to Clubs, four copies, $7 ; six copies, $10; 10 copies, $16, invariablv in advance. S. FRENCH, Publisher, 122 Nassau St , %* For sale at periodical depots, everywhere. (Up Stain.) MASSSY'S EECITER DRAWliG-ROOM EflTERTMiMEiTS, A.SD Being clioice reciiauous in [u-ose anil verse, together with an unique collection of PirriTE CO.II INDIES, DRAMAS AND FARCES, ADAPTED FOll THE USE OF SCHOOLS AND FAMILIES, BY CHARLES MASSEY, Professor of Elocution at BnilinLfton College, N. J., and Mechanics' Society Scliool, N. Y. No 1 TfiNTAixs, I No. 2 Contains, Huy lAivvkft. ;iii ' Historic n Droiia." Love Jind Je;il(iusy, "'I'liigeUy." Tiie Mm Wiih iheCiiriiet li i^, "F.rce." Tlie lri»h 'riitur, '-Farce." )f ihe Pepper White II. Drum." Mesmerism. " I'etile (Joniedy," And Twelve selecteil pieces. Comic Bomb:isies Furioso. •■ l}iirle.«que Opera." Sylvester Dag^eiwoud, '' Comic Inter- lude." School forOrntors. "Origiiinl Comedy," Ami Kit'liieen .■^elet'leil pieces. Prire per Nmnber, Paper Covers, "25 Cenls each. The Two .Niiinbci'^, boiiiKl in Cioib, scliool style, (iO Cents. Noi witlntandinir the great number of voluminous school readers, and speakers, tliat luive alrei'ly been jiubli.'ilied there still exists a want. which is felt by all who deliglil in the practice of recitation, viz . a cjI- lection of humorous and p;iihetic pieces, in piose and verse, exactly suitahle for school exhibitions, and social entertainment ; this want has compelled the compiler, durlnir a long course of teaching, to devote con- siderable time in gle.uiing from innumeiable sources, for the especial use of his own pupils, such pieces as are best calculated to please both the reciter and the audience ; an.} he believes that the result of his Ub.>r will be acceptable to those who wish to practice the important art of elocution, either for amusement or emolument. The dramatic pieces will be fiund quite an original fe.itiire, inasmuch as they are not mere extracts, or inuiil.ited scenes ; but although in some instances, consider- nbly altered from the originals, they still retain an entire plot, and all the wit and humor that could consistently be preserved ; and are ar- ranired, and adapted especially for juvenile representation — everything objectionable h.TS been carefullv expunged, and they have in their ^re- sent fnrm received the unqualified a[)pr(>bation of numerous intellectual and select audiences, before whom they have been presented by the pupils of the adaptor. — Extract from the Author s Preface Publisher. 121 Nass.nu-street. New York. ;321 Broadway, New York. g. €.