AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: 
 7 
 
 OH, TUB 
 
 TENNESSEEAN'S STORY, 
 
 BY AN EDITOR. t 
 
 AAM*"*> jL-l 
 
 u ! have mm* purpnuo In It { — untl, hut bent off" thete two ronkn, 
 Jack Daw and bli fellow, with any ulnconttntment hllli«r, ami I'll 
 honor thee forever." 
 
 Din Jon»on. 
 
 PHILADELPHIA: 
 
 A. HART, lath CAREY AND HART, 
 
 126 CHESTNUT BTKKET. 
 18A2. 
 
c i/5 • 
 
 ' . . 
 
 Entered according to the Act of Congress, in the year 1852, by 
 
 A. HART, 
 
 in the Office of the Clerk of the District Court in ami for the Eastern 
 District of Pennsylvania. 
 
 PHILADELPHIA : 
 T. K. AND P. G. COLLINS, PRINTER*. 
 
£16 
 
 TO HARRY TLACIDE 
 
 My dear Harry: — 
 
 You have been, in your day and mine, as good as a 
 thousand comedies to me. Why should I not endeavor 
 to requite you, after a very poor fashion of my own? 
 Y r et will you not know, any more than the Custom- 
 House, when some repenting sinner of an importer 
 makes anonymous restoration of defrauded dues, whoso 
 conscience it is from which this poor acknowledgment 
 is drawn. It is', you may be sure, a very sincere one, 
 coupled with the single misgiving that my little "Com- 
 edy" will scarcely prove half so agreeable to you, as 
 yours has ever been to me. Nevertheless, you excellent 
 wretch, be you grateful with the philosophy of Sancho, 
 and look not the gift-horse too narrowly in the mouth. 
 
 1/ ALLEGRO. 
 
 New York. 
 
 O* 
 
ADVERTISEMENT. 
 
 In good faith, I very sincerely hope that the title 
 which this little volume bears upon its face will take 
 nobody in. Now that it is written out, I am not sure 
 that there is anything comic in its pages. I am cer- 
 tain that I have made no effort to make them so ; and 
 if merriment should be the result, I shall certainly 
 congratulate myself upon the possession of an involun- 
 tary endowment, which takes its owner quite as much 
 by surprise as anybody else. But no; even if there be 
 comedy in the narrative that follows, it will be none of 
 mine — I were a Tagan to lay claim to it. These, in 
 fact, are but jottings down from the lips of another; 
 and I don't know that I was greatly beguiled, when I 
 heard them, into that happy humor which makes one 
 cry out in defiance, "Sessa! let the world pass!" "Were 
 I to confess honestly, I should rather admit myself of 
 that graver order of monkhood which never tells its 
 beads on the face of a tankard. I don't see a jest rea- 
 dily at any time, and, knowing my infirmity, I very 
 frequently suffer it to escape me by keeping too closely 
 on the watch for it. It so happens, accordingly, that, 
 being very amiable and anxious to please, I blunder 
 after the fashion of Dr. Johnson's butcher, who was 
 procured to help bolster up Goldsmith's first comedy, 
 
 1* 
 
VI ADVERTISEMENT. 
 
 and do all my laughing in the wrong plaoe, and after 
 the mirth has fairly subsided from the muscles of my 
 neighbors. This makes me modest of judgment in all 
 matters that affect the humorous, and hardly a proper 
 person, therefore, to recount that which is so. But, 
 indeed, I propose nothing of the kind.. The title chosen 
 for this volume is in some degreo in compliance with 
 necessity: it can scarcely bo said to have been a matter 
 of choice. This will be explained by our Introduction, 
 to which I shall hasten with due speed, promising to 
 make it as short as possible, since I have no hope to 
 make it funny. 
 
 L'ALLEGRO. 
 New York. 
 
PROEM. 
 
 We were nine of us, packed snugly enough in a closo 
 Btnge, and on the high road from Madison, in Georgia, 
 to Montgomery, in Alabama. The night was dark, and 
 the rain falling. The roads were bad, and the driver 
 as drunk as the least reasonable desperate could desire 
 under the circumstances. Everybody has an idea, moro 
 or less vivid, of a dark and rainy night ; most persons 
 can form a notion of the drunken driver of a stage- 
 coach — a swearing, foul-mouthed fellow, pestilent, full 
 of conceit and insolence, fully conscious of his power 
 over his nags and passengers, and with just reason 
 enough left to desire to use his power so as to keep all 
 parties apprehensive — his horses of the whip, and his 
 passengers of an upset. But if you know nothing of a 
 Georgia road in bad weather, at the time I speak of, 
 you can form but an imperfect idea of the nervous 
 irritability of the nine within our vehicle that night, as, 
 trundling through bog and through brier, over stump 
 and stone, up hill and down dale — as desperate a chase, 
 seemingly, as that of the Wild Horseman of Burger — wo 
 momently cursed our fates, that had given us over to such 
 a keeping and such a progress. We could not see each 
 other's faces, but we could hear each other's words, and 
 feel each other's hips and elbows. 
 
Vlll PKOEM. 
 
 "Hech! There we go!" 
 
 M You're into me, stranger, with a monstrous sharp 
 side of your own." 
 
 "Beg pardon, but — " [Jolt, toss, and tumble.] 
 
 " We're gone now, I reckon !" 
 
 A general scramble followed the rolling of the bag- 
 gage in the rear, and sudden silence of the human voice, 
 while each strove to maintain his equilibrium, seizing 
 upon the nearest solid object. 
 
 " She rights !" said one. 
 
 " Eh ! docs she ? I'm glad of it," was the reply of 
 another, "since I hope this gentleman will now snflcr 
 my head to get back fairly upon its shoulders." 
 
 There was a release of the victim and an apology. 
 Indeed, there were several apologies necessary. "Wo 
 were momently making free with the arms and sides 
 and shoulders of our neighbors, under the impulse of a 
 sudden dread of the upset, which it is wonderful how 
 we continued to escape. We compared notes. Our 
 apprehensions were general. The driver was appealed 
 to ; we howled to him through the pipes of a Down 
 Easter, entreating him to drive more gently. 
 
 "Gently, bo hanged!" was the horrid answer, fol- 
 lowed up by a tremendous smack of the whip. Away 
 went the horses at a wilder rate than ever, and we were 
 left, without hope or consolation, to all sorts of imagin- 
 able and unimaginable terrors. We had no help for it, 
 and no escape. We could only brood over our terrors, 
 and mutter our rage. There were curses, not only loud, 
 but deep. It was in vain that our individual philoso- 
 phies strove to silence our discontents; these were kept 
 alive by the suggestions of less amiable companions. 
 
PKOEM. IX 
 
 Our very efforts to conceal our fears sufficiently betrayed 
 them to all who were cool enough to make the discovery. 
 But self-esteem was reassured by the general sympathy 
 of most of our comrades. There were various emotions 
 among us — the modified exponents of the one in com- 
 mon — modified according to age, temper, and education. 
 Our various modes of showing them made us altogether 
 a proper group for dramatic contrasts. We could have 
 played our parts, no doubt very decently, upon any 
 stage but that. We could have strutted manfully, and 
 shown good legs, but scarcely upon boards which 
 creaked and cracked as with convulsions of their own, 
 as we hurried headlong up the heights, or rushed whiz-- 
 zin£ through the mire. And we should have had 
 variety enough for character. Our nine passengers 
 might have represented as many States. Never was 
 there a more grateful diversity. There was a school- 
 master from Massachusetts. Whither, indeed, does not 
 Massachusetts send her schoolmasters, teaching the 
 same eternal notion of the saintly mission of the Puri- 
 tans, and the perfect virtues of their descendants ? The 
 genius of that State was certainly born a pedagogue, 
 with birch in one hand and horn-book in the other ! 
 There was a machinist from Maine, a queer, quaint, 
 shrewd, knowing, self-taught Yankee, who had lost half 
 his fingers in experimenting with his own machines, and 
 who was brim-full of a new discovery which is to secure 
 us that " philosopher's stone" of the nineteenth century 
 — perpetual motion ! The principle of our machinist 
 seemed to lie in the amiable good-nature with which 
 certain balls, precipitating themselves upon certain 
 levers, would thus continue a scries of ground and lofty 
 
X PROEM. 
 
 tumblings which should keep the great globe itself in 
 motion without other motive agencies. Our New 
 Yorker was an editor, bound first for New Orleans, and 
 then for Ashland, where he proposed to visit the god of 
 his political idolatry. We had a Pennsylvanian, who 
 seemed to feel as if all the shame of State repudiation 
 lay on his own particular shoulders ; and a Mississippian, 
 who appeared to deplore nothing so much as that he 
 could not claim more than the merit of a single vote in 
 the glorious business of defying the foreign creditor of 
 the Union Bank. The encounter between these two 
 parties — the humbled and desponding tone of the one, 
 contrasted with the exulting and triumphant convictions 
 of successful right in the other — furnished a picture of 
 opposites that was perfectly delightful. The leading 
 idea which troubled our Virginian was, that Tyler was 
 to be the last of the Presidents which his State would 
 furnish to the Union ; while the South Carolinian, with 
 whom he seemed intimate, consoled him with the assur- 
 ance that his regrets were idle, as the Union would not 
 much longer need a President. He indulged in the 
 favorite idea that a dissolution was at hand. " The 
 Union," said he, "answered the purposes of the time. 
 It has survived its uses." Our Georgian, on the con- 
 trary, was for the extension of the confederacy by the 
 incorporation of as many new States south of us as we 
 could persuade into the fold. He was even then upon 
 his way to Texas, provided ftith his rifle only, in order 
 to be in the way to help in the matter of annexation. 
 Then we had a North Carolinian, a lank-sided fellow 
 from Tar River, who slept nearly all the way, spite of 
 toss and tumble, talked only (and constantly) in his 
 
PR OEM. XI 
 
 sleep, and then chiefly upon the trouble of looking after 
 his own affairs. ' Our ninth man was a broth of a boy 
 in the shape of a huge Tcnnesseean, who filled up much 
 more than his proper share of seat, and, trespassing 
 upon mine with hip, thigh, and shoulder, compelled me 
 (will he, nill he) to reduce myself to dimensions far more 
 modest than I have usually been disposed to insist upon 
 as reasonable. But, there was no chiding or complain- 
 ing. He was so good-natured, so conscious of his in- 
 voluntary trespasses ; at least, so dubious about them. 
 
 "I crowd you, stranger ; I'm afeard I crowd you;" 
 and he laid his huge paw upon my shoulder with the 
 air of one who solicits all possible indulgence. If I 
 had been utterly squeezed out of proper shape, I could 
 scarcely have forborne the assurance, which I instantly 
 made him, that he didn't crowd me in the least. 
 
 "Well," said he, "I'm glad to hear you say so; I 
 was a little dubious that I was spreading over you ; and 
 if so, I didn't know what to do then ; for here, if you 
 can feel, you'll see my fat lies rather heavy upon the 
 thighs of this perpetual motion person, and my knee is 
 a little too much of a dig for the haunches of the man 
 in front. In fact, he's cutting into me — he's mighty 
 sharp!" 
 
 The man in front, who was the Yankee schoolmaster, 
 said something in under tones to the effect that men of 
 such monstrous oversize should always take two places 
 in a public conveyance, or travel in their own. I caught 
 the words, but the Tennesseean did not. 
 
 "I'm jest aa God made me," he proceeded, as if 
 apologetically; "and if 'twould be any satisfaction to 
 you, stranger," addressing me, " I'm willing to say 
 
Xll PROEM. 
 
 that I would not be quite so broad if I had my own 
 way, and the thing was to be done over agin. But as 
 that's not to be hoped for, I don't complain at all, ef 
 you don't." 
 
 How could I complain after the last suggestion — 
 complain of a man who felt his own misfortune with 
 such a proper conscience! The schoolmaster had some- 
 thing to say. His tone was exceedingly indignant, but 
 too much subdued for the ears of the Tennesseean. 
 My amiable recognition of his bulk seemed to have won 
 his affections, if, indeed, his great size and my unavoid- 
 able neighborhood did not sufficiently account for them. 
 His great fat haunches nestled most lovingly against 
 me, threatening to overlap me entirely, while his huge 
 arm encircled my neck with an embrace which would 
 have honored that of the Irish Giant. It was fortunate 
 that we had no such sulky scoundrels within the stage 
 as he who lorded it from the box. If we swore at him, 
 we kept terras with one another. If the storm roared 
 without, we were pacific enough within; and it was 
 wonderful, with such a variety, and with so much to 
 distress and disquiet! Vexed and wearied with the as- 
 pect of affairs without, we succeeded in maintaining 
 good conditions within ; our curses were expended upon 
 the driver; for one another, we had nothing but civility; 
 good nature, if not good humor, keeping us in that so- 
 briety of temper in respect to one another, when an 
 innocent freedom passes without offence, and we tolerate 
 a familiar in the barbarian whom, at another season, we 
 should probably scarce recognize as an acquaintance. 
 But mere good-nature has no chance, in the long run, 
 against the protracted fatigue and weariness of such a 
 
PROEM. Xlll 
 
 ride as ours ; and, as if by tacit consent, all parties 
 seemed to feel the necessity of an effort to dissipate our 
 dolors. The Maine man, it is true, discoursed of ma- 
 chines, and the Massachusetts man of Webster; the 
 one was full of saws, the other of maxims; but the very 
 square and compass character of their mutual minds 
 was a worse monotony and fatigue than the wallowing 
 of our wheels in mire. A lively account, which the 
 Mississippian now gave us, of the pursuit and hanging 
 of the Yazoo rogues — that terrible tragedy, which still 
 needs an historian — soon led us upon another and more 
 agreeable track, upon which the Georgian entered with 
 a narrative of his own experience in catching alligators, 
 in winter, with barbed stakes. To him succeeded the 
 South Carolinian, with an account of a famous set-to 
 which he had enjoyed the season before with certain 
 abolitionists at New Haven, and which he concluded 
 with an eloquent showing of the necessity for a Southern 
 confederacy by next July. A stout controversy fol- 
 lowed between him and the representative from Massa- 
 chusetts, in which the grievances and quarrel between 
 the two States were particularly discussed; the Caro- 
 linian concluding by proposing gravely to his opponent 
 that the territory of North Carolina should be hired by 
 the belligerent States for the purpose of settling their 
 squabbles in the only becoming and manly way, by a 
 resort to the uUima ratio. This disputo thus deter- 
 mined—for this strange proposition seemed to confound 
 the man of Webster— we all had something to say 
 in turn, each mounting his favorite hobby. It was an 
 easy transition, from this, into anccdoto and story, and 
 even our North Carolinian roused himself up with a 
 2 
 
Xiv PROEM. 
 
 grunt, to yell out a wild ditty of the "old North State," 
 which he heard from his great-grandmother, and which 
 he thought the finest thing in the shape of mixed song 
 and story which had ever been delivered to mortal 
 senses since the days of the prophets. It was one of 
 the many rude ballads of a domestic character, which 
 wo have unwisely failed to preserve, which rehearsed 
 the doings and death of Blackboard the Pirate, "as he 
 sailed" in and out of the harbors of Ocracoko and 
 Pamlico. The strain was a woful and must*have been 
 a tedious one, but for the interposition of some special 
 providence, the secret of which remains hidden from us 
 to this day. It was observed that the voice of the 
 singer, pitched upon the highest possible key at the 
 beginning, gradually fell off towards the close of the 
 second quatrain, sunk into a feeble drawl and quaver 
 ere he had reached the third, and stopped short very 
 suddenly in the middle of the fourth. We scarcely 
 dared, any of us, to conjecture the cause of an inter- 
 ruption which displeased nobody. If this "sweet sing- 
 er" from Tar River fell again to his slumbers, it is 
 certain that not a whisper to this effect ever passed his 
 lips. He gave us no premonitions of sleep, and no se- 
 quel to his ballad. "We were all satisfied that he should 
 have his own w r ay in the matter, and never asked him 
 for the rest of the ditty. Ho will probably wake up 
 yet to finish it, but in what company or what coach 
 hereafter, and after what season of repose, it is hardly 
 prudent to guess, and not incumbent on us as a duty. 
 
 His quiet distressed none of us. There were others 
 anxious to take his place, and we soon got to be a mer- 
 ry company indeed. Gradually, in the increasing inte- 
 
l'UOEM. XV 
 
 rest of tho several narratives, wo forgot, temporarily, 
 tlio bnd roads and tho drunken driver, recalled to tho 
 painful recollection only by an occasional crash and 
 curso from without, to which wo shut our cars almost 
 as fervently as did Ulysses, when gliding among tho 
 dogs of Scylla. Our singers were, in truth, no great 
 shaken and our story-tellers scarcely better ; but wo 
 grew indulgent just as wo grew needy, and our taste* 
 accommodated themselves to our necessities. It was 
 only after all parties seemed to havo exhausted their 
 budget, their efforts subsiding into short and fecblo 
 snatches — when there was only, at long intervals, a sort 
 of crackling from dry thorns under tho pot of wit — it 
 was only then that our mammoth Tenncssccan, who had 
 hitherto maintained a very modest silence, as if totally 
 unambitious of tho honors of tho raconteur^ now sud- 
 denly aroused himself with a shako not very unliko 
 that of a Newfoundland dog fresh from tho water. 
 
 "Stranger," says ho to me, "cf so bo you will only 
 shrooge yourself up so as to let mo havo this arm of mino 
 parfectly frco for a swing, as I find it necessary, I'll 
 let out a littlo upon you in rolation to sartain sarcum- 
 stanccs that como pretty much to my own knowledgo, a 
 year or two ago, in Florida." 
 
 To skroogc myself up, in tho oxprcssivo idiom of ray 
 neighbor, into a yet narrower compass than I had been 
 compelled to keep before, was a thing wholly out of tho 
 question. But a chango of position might bo effected, 
 to tho roliof of both parties, and this was all that he 
 roally wanted. I contrived, after a desporato effort, to 
 satisfy him, and, in somo degree, myself. 
 
 "I can't, somehow, talk easy, of my arms ain't 
 
Xvi PROEM. 
 
 loose," he continued, apologetically. "My tongue and 
 arm must somehow work together, or I ain't half the 
 man I ought to be. It's like being suffered to spout 
 out, when you're rushing upon the inimy ; and when 
 you can halloo as you rush, you feel wolfish all over. 
 I've had the feeling. Now, it's so in talking. Ef you 
 can use the arms when you talk, your words come free, 
 and jest of the right nature. It's like what people 
 mean when they say ' the word and the blow !' They 
 do help each other mightily. Now, I'll try, as we're 
 mightily close set for room in this wagon, to jest make 
 as little a swing of the arms as possible ; for you see, I 
 might, o?iintending anything of the sort, give a person, 
 standing or sitting on eny side of me, a smart notion of 
 a knock ; that is, in the heat and hurry of the argyment. 
 I've done such a thing more than once, without mean- 
 ing it ; only I'll try to be within bounds this time, and 
 I beg you'll take no offence. I'm sure, gentlemen, if 
 my motion don't trouble you, though it's a rether on- 
 easy one, I shan't mind it at all myself." 
 
 Here was an excellent fellow! In his eloquence, ho 
 might swing his great mutton fist across my mazzard, 
 and the thing, if not positively disagreeable to me, 
 would be of no sort of disturbance to him! It was dif- 
 ficult to conceive in what school he had acquired his phi- 
 losophy. It was certainly as cool as that of St. Omer's, 
 but rather lacking in its refinements. At all events 
 common sense required that, as I could not entirely 
 escape his action, I should keep as sharp an eye upon 
 it as possible. It might have been the safest course 
 to reject the story in regard to its accompaniments, 
 but that would have seemed unamiable, and I might 
 
PROEM. XVII 
 
 havo incurred tho reproach of being timorous. Besides, 
 there was somo curiosity to hear what sort of a story 
 would issue from such a source, and wo wcro all too 
 much in need of excitement to offer any discournge- 
 ments to a new hand proposing to work for our benefit; 
 so, after modestly suggesting tho propriety of using as 
 little action as possible, wo began to look with consi- 
 derable anxiety to the reopening of those huge jaws, 
 from which, to say truth, whatever might be tho good 
 things occasionally going in, but few of us had any 
 anticipations of food things coming out. But he was 
 slow to begin. Ho had his preliminary comments upon 
 what had gone before. His previous silence seems to 
 havo been due to his habit of bolting all his food at 
 once, and digesting it at leisure Wc were now to hear 
 his critical judgment on previous narratives : — 
 
 " I've been mighty well pleased," quoth the Tennes- 
 seean, " with some of them sarcumstanccs you've been 
 tolling among you, follows, and I've mado considerable 
 judgment on somo of them that don't seem to mo mado 
 to carry water. But I won't bo particular jest now, 
 except to say that I don't see that tho narrow man thar, ' 
 with his hips cutting into the saft parts of my knee at 
 every turn down hill (the New England schoolmaster), 
 I don't see, I say, that he made so good an one of it as 
 he might have done. Though that, agin, may be the 
 misfortune of the sarcumstance, and not his fault in 
 telling it. The sense is, ef so be the thing happened 
 as he tells it, then the whole town and country ought 
 to be licked to flinders for suffering the poor gal to bo 
 so imposed on. By the powers ! I'd fight to the stump, 
 
 2* 
 
xviii PROEM. 
 
 eny day and eny how, but I'd make the men see that 
 the poor weak woman was not to be the only sufferer !" 
 It would be a tedious task, wanting our Tennesseean's 
 air, tone, and manner, to follow up this trail, and show 
 upon what grounds our backwoodsman took offence at 
 the proprieties in our Yankee's story. It was one of 
 those cruel narratives of seduction, so frequent in large 
 commercial cities, where tho victim is the only sufferer, 
 and the criminal the only one to find safety, if not sym- 
 pathy. The narrator had given it as a fact within his 
 own experience, as occurring in his native city; and the 
 offensive defect in his narration, which the skill of theTen- 
 ncssecan was able only to detect and not to define, con- 
 sisted in his emotionless and cold-blooded way of unfold- 
 ing his details of horror, without showing that he felt 
 any of the indignation which his tale provoked in every 
 other bosom. 
 
 "Such things can't happen in Tennessee, I tell you, 
 stranger; and ef they did, nobody would be the wiser of 
 it. You'd hear of the poor gal's death, the first thing, 
 and she'd die, jorehaps, of no disorder. But she'd rather 
 die right away, a thousand deaths, sooner than have 
 her shame in tho mouth of any of her kindred; and cf 
 so be it happen to leak out, there would be somebody — 
 some brother, or friend, or cousin, or, may-be, her own 
 father, or may-be a onknown stranger liko myself — to 
 burn priming for her sake, so that tho black-hearted 
 villain shouldn't have it all to himself. But I ain't a 
 going to catechize your story. I rather reckon it can't 
 bo true, jest as you tell it, stranger. I can't think so 
 badly of the fellow, Compton, though I reckon he's bad 
 enough, and I can't think so meanly of your people, that 
 
PROEM. XIX 
 
 could let him get off without a scratch upon his hide. 
 I reckon it's a made up thing, jest to make people sorry, 
 so I won't believe a word of it. But the one I have to 
 tell is in sober airnest. It happened, every bit of it, on 
 good authority. Indeed, I'm a knowing to a part on it 
 myself, as you'll see when we get on ; though the better 
 part of it I got from the mouth of another. It's a history 
 I picked up in Florida, when I went down to fight tho 
 Simenolcs. You know that when the rig'lars got on so 
 badly with the Injins, splurging here rod there with 
 their big columns, and never doing anything, old Hickory 
 swore, by all splinters, that we boys from Tennessee should 
 do the business. So we turned out a small chance of vol- 
 intcers, and I was one among 'em. Down we went, cal- 
 kelating to ride like a small harricane through and 
 through the red skins; but twan't so easy a matter, 
 after all, and I don't think we Tennesseeans did any 
 better than other people. It wa'n't our fault, to be sure, 
 for we'd ha' fit fast enough, and whipped 'em too, ef tho 
 sneaking varmints would ha' come up to the scratch ; 
 but they fought shy, and all the glory I got in the cam- 
 paign for my share, would lie on the little end of a 
 cambric needle. But I learned some strange things in 
 the campaign, and I ain't a bit sorry that I went. Ono 
 sarcumstance, it seems to me, was a leetle more strange 
 than anything I've hearn in this wagon, and if I could 
 only tell it to you, as I heard some parts of it tell'd to 
 me, I reckon you'd all say 'twas as good as a Comedy I" 
 
 "As good as a Comedy /" was the hopeful exclama- 
 tion all round. 
 
 "Let's have it, by all means," was the eager chorus 
 of arousing spirits. 
 
XX PROEM. 
 
 "Ay, Tennessee, out with it, in short order," was the 
 abrupt cry of the Georgian. ( 
 
 " Oblige us," was the condescending entreaty of South 
 Carolina. 
 
 " Go ahead, old horse," yelled the Mississippian, 
 wheeling about from the middle seat of the stage, and 
 bringing his hard hand flatly down, and with great 
 emphasis, upon the spacious territory of thigh that 
 Tennessee claimed for its own, while trespassing greatly 
 upon that of its neighbors ; and the entreaty was prompt- 
 ly followed up by the machinist from Maine, the ex-editor 
 from New York, and even the lymphatic pilgrim from 
 Tar River, who, starting from his seventh heaven of 
 sleep and dream, cried aloud, in half-waking ecstasy — 
 " A comedy, ! yes, gi's a comedy. I'm mortal fond 
 of comedy." 
 
 " Let it but prove what you promise," said the New 
 Yorker, "and I'll send it to Harry Placidc." 
 
 " Harry Placidc?" exclaimed Tennessee, inquiringly. 
 
 "The great American actor of comedy !" was the 
 explanatory answer from New York. " I'll write out 
 your story, should it prove a good one, and will send it 
 to Harry. He'll make a comedy of it, if the stuff's in 
 it." 
 
 AVe spare all that New Y'ork said on the occasion, in 
 honor of comedy and Harry Placidc, and in respect to 
 native materials for the comic muse ; particularly as 
 the Mississippian wound him up, in the most prolonged 
 part of his dissertation, with — 
 
 " Oh ! shut up, stranger, anyhow, and don't bother 
 your head about the actor until we get the play." 
 
 Not an unreasonable suggestion. Our Tennesseean 
 
PROEM. XXI 
 
 seemed to fear that ho had promised too much. Ho 
 prudently qualified the title of his narrative ; apparently 
 discovering, for the first time, that " comedy" meant 
 something different from story. 
 
 "Comedy," said he; "comedy! Well, gentlemen, 
 I tell you that when I first heard the affair, everybody 
 said 'twas as ' good as a comedy/ and I thought so too. 
 'Twas over a camp-fire that we first heard it, and it 
 mout be that we were all of us jest in the humor to find 
 a comedy in anything. The story mayn't be like a 
 comedy, the way I tell it, for you see I don't profess to 
 be good in sech histories ; but I reckon ef you could ha' 
 seen and heard the chap that first tell'd us, by them 
 old camp-fires, on the Withlacoochee, you'd say, as we 
 said all of us, 'twas as * good as a comedy.' " 
 
 " Did it make you laugh V" demanded New England, 
 abruptly. 
 
 "Laugh! I guess some did and some didn't," was 
 the satisfactory but simple reply. " What I saw of the 
 affair myself was no laughing matter ; but we'll keep 
 that back for the last. 'Twas something a'most too 
 strange for laughing ; the more, too, as we know'd it to 
 be nothing but the truth, and it happened here, too, in 
 one of these western counties of Georgia." 
 Here the Georgian put in, confidently — 
 " I reckon I know all about it. I've heard it myself." 
 "Well ! you'd better tell it, then," quoth Tennessee, 
 very coolly. 
 
 " Oh, no !" modestly responded Georgia. 
 "But, oh! yes! Ef you know it, you've a sort of 
 right to it, sence it's in your own country ; and I rather 
 reckon you can make a better mouthful of it than I. 
 
V 
 
 xxii PROEM. 
 
 I'm but a poor stick at such things, and am quite as 
 ready to hear you, stranger, as to talk myself." 
 
 "Pshaw!" exclaimed the Georgian. "Go ahead, 
 man. I'm a mighty conceited fellow, I know, but that's 
 no reason you should hold me up to make me say so." 
 
 " Gi's your hand, my lad ; you're a good we'pon, I 
 see ; though, may-be, a little too quick on trigger." 
 
 A gripe of the extended fists followed in the dark, 
 and the Tennesseean proceeded. 
 
 " The sarcumstance that I am going to tell you tuck 
 place in one of the western counties of Georgia, not 
 many years ago, and there's many a person living who 
 can jest now lay their fingers on the very parties. I've 
 seen some of them myself. You must take the thing 
 for its truth more than for its pleasantry ; for, about 
 the one I can answer, and about the other I'm as good 
 as nobody to have an opinion. I'm not the man to 
 make folks laugh, onless it's at me, and then I'm jest 
 as apt to make them cry, too ; so you see I'm as good 
 as comedy and tragedy both, to some. But, as I con- 
 fess, a joke don't gain much in goodness when it leaves 
 my mouth ; and.ef so be — " 
 
 We silenced these preliminaries viva voce ; and, thus 
 arrested, our Tennesseean left off his faces and began. 
 In a plain and direct manner, he related the occurrences 
 which will be found in the following chapters. He was 
 no humorist, though he suffered us all to see in what 
 the humorous susceptibilities of his story lay. It was 
 the oddity of the circumstances, rather than their hu- 
 mor, that held out the attraction for me ; and I could 
 readily perceive how, without confounding comedy with 
 the merely humorous and ludicrous, the materials thus 
 
PROEM. XXlll 
 
 thrown together might, by a dexterous hand, be con- 
 verted to the purposes of the stage. The story illus- 
 trates curiously the variety and freedom of character 
 which we find everywhere in our forest country, where 
 no long-established usages subdue the fresh and eager 
 impulses of originality, and where, as if in very mockery 
 of the conventionalities of city life, the strangest eccen- 
 tricities of mood and feeling display themselves in a 
 connection with the most unimpeachable virtue — eccen- 
 tricities of conduct such as would shock the demurer 
 damsel of the city, to whom the proprieties themselves 
 are virtues — yet without impairing those substantial 
 virtues of the country girl, whose principles are wholly 
 independent of externals. Let the reader only keep in 
 mind the perfect freedom of will, and the absence of 
 prescriptive or fashionable discipline in our border 
 countries, and there will be nothing strange or extrava- 
 gant in what is here related of the heroine. 
 
 In putting these details together, I have adopted a 
 fashion of my own, though without hoping, any more 
 than our Tennesseean, to bring out the humorous points 
 of the narrative. These must be left to the fancy of 
 the reader. " As good as a comedy*' need not imply 
 a story absolutely comic ; and I do not promise one. 
 Still, I am disposed to think and to hope that the title 
 thus sportively adopted will not be found wholly inap- 
 propriate to the volume. 
 
 New York. 
 
AS GOOD AS A COMEDY! 
 
 OR, 
 
 THE TEMESSEEAFS STORY 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 A GEORGIA BREAKFAST. 
 
 Let us start fairly, and not on an empty stomach. 
 Header, we begin with a .Georgia breakfast. We arc 
 at one of those plain, unpretending, but substantial 
 farm-houses, which, in the interior of Georgia, and 
 other Southern States, distinguished more especially 
 the older inhabitants ; those who, from time immemo- 
 rial, have appeared pretty much as we find them now. 
 These all date back beyond the Revolution ; the usual 
 epoch, in our country, at which an ancient family may 
 be permitted to begin. The rcgiori is one of thoso 
 lovely spots among the barrens of middle Georgia, in 
 which, surveyed from the proper point of view, there is 
 nothing barren. You are not to suppose the settlement 
 an old one, by any means, for it is not more than twenty 
 or twenty- five years since all the contiguous territory 
 within a space of sixty miles was rescued from the 
 savages. But our family is an old one; inheriting all 
 the pride, the tastes, and the feelings which belonged 
 to the old Southern "Continentalcr." This will be 
 apparent as we proceed ; as it is apparent, in fact, to 
 the eye which contrasts the exterior of its dwelling with 
 
26 AS UOOD AS A COMEDY: OK, 
 
 that of the neighboring settlements among which it 
 harbors. The spot, though undistinguished by sur- 
 prising scenery, is a very lovely one, and not unfre- 
 quent in the middle country of the Atlantic Southern 
 States. It presents a pleasing prospect under a single 
 glance of the eye, of smooth lawn, and gentle acclivity, 
 and lofty forest growth. A streamlet, or branchy as it 
 is here called, winds along, murmuring as it goes, at the 
 foot of a gentle eminence which is crowned with a luxu- 
 riant "wealth of pine and cedar. Looking up from this 
 *pot while your steed drinks, you behold, perched on 
 another gentle swell of ground, as snug and handsome 
 an edifice as our forest country usually affords; none 
 of your overgrown ambitious establishments, but a trim 
 tidy dwelling, consisting of a single story of wood upon 
 a brick basement, and surrounded on three sides by a 
 most glorious piazza. The lawn slopes away, for several 
 hundred yards, an even and very gradual descent even 
 to the road ; a broad tract, well sprinkled with noble 
 trees, oaks, oranges, and cedars, with here and there a 
 clump of towering pines, under which steeds are grazing, 
 in whose slender and symmetrical forms, clean legs, and 
 glossy skins, you may discern instant signs of those 
 superior foreign breeds which the Southern planter so 
 much affects. The house, neatly painted white, with 
 green blinds and shutters, is kept in admirable trim ; and, 
 from the agreeable arrangement of trees and shrubbery, 
 it would seem that the place had been laid out and was 
 tenanted by those who brought good taste and a be- 
 coming sense of the beautiful to the task. There was 
 no great exercise of art, it is true. That is not pre- 
 tended. But nature was not suffered to have her own 
 way entirely, was not suffered to overrun the face of 
 the land with her luxuriance; nor was man so savage 
 as to strip her utterly of all her graceful decorations — 
 a crime which we are too frequently called upon to de- 
 plore and to denounce, when we contemplate the habita- 
 tions even of the wealthy among our people, particularly 
 in the South, despoiled, by barbarity, of all their shade- 
 
THE tennesseean's story. 27 
 
 trees, and denuded of all the grace and softness which 
 these necessarily confer upon the landscape. Here, the 
 glance seemed to rest satisfied with what it beheld, and 
 to want for nothing. There might be bigger houses, 
 and loftier structures, of more ambitious design and 
 more commanding proportion; but this was certainly 
 very neat, and very much in its place. Its white out- 
 lines caught your eye, glinting through openings of the 
 forest, approaching by the road on either hand, for 
 some distance before you drew nigh, and with such an 
 air of peace and sweetness, that you were insensibly 
 prepared to regard its inmates as very good and well- 
 bred people. Nor arc we wrong in these conjectures. 
 But of this hereafter. At this moment, you may see 
 a very splendid iron-gray charger, saddled, and fastened 
 in the shade, some twenty steps from the dwelling. Lift 
 your eye to the piazza, and you behold the owner. A 
 finer-looking fellow lives not in the country. Tall, well 
 made, and muscular, he treads the piazza like a prince. 
 The freedom of carriage which belongs to the gentlemen 
 in our forest country is inimitable, is not to be acquired 
 by art, and is due to the fact that they suffer from no 
 laborious occupation, undergo no drudgery, and are 
 subject to no confinement, which, in childhood, contract 
 the shoulders into a stoop, depress the spirits, enfeeble 
 the energies, and wofully impair tho freedom and ele- 
 gance of the deportment. Constant exercise on foot 
 and horseback, the fox hunt and the chase ; these, with 
 other sylvan sports, do wonders for the physique, the 
 grace and the bearing of the country gentleman of the 
 {South. The person before us is one of the noblest spe- 
 cimens of his class. A frank and handsome countenance, 
 with a skin clear and inclining to the florid; a bright, 
 martial blue eye; a full chin; thick, massive locks of 
 dark brown hair, and lips that express a rare sweetness, 
 and only do not smile, sufficiently distinguish his pecu- 
 liarities of face. His dress is simple, after an ordinary 
 fashion of the country, but is surprisingly neat and be- 
 coming. A loose blouse, rather more after the Choctaw 
 
28 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 than the Parisian pattern, does not lessen the symmetry 
 
 of his shape. His trousers are not so loose as to con- 
 ceal the fine muscular developments of his lower limbs ; 
 nor does his loose negligee neckcloth, simply folded 
 about the neck, prevent the display of a column which 
 admirably sustains the intellectual and massive head 
 which crowns it, and which we now behold uncovered. 
 Booted and spurred, he appears ready for a journey, 
 walks the piazza with something of impatience in his 
 manner, and frequently stops to shade his eyes from the 
 glare, as he strains them in exploring tho distant high- 
 way. You see that he is young, scarcely twenty-two ; 
 eager in his impulses, restive under restraint, and better 
 able to endure and struggle with tho conilict than to 
 wait for its slow approaches. Suddenly he starts. lie 
 turns to a call from within, and a matron lady appears 
 at the entrance of the dwelling, and joins him in the 
 piazza. lie turns to her with respect and fondness. She 
 is his mother; a stately dame, with features like his 
 own; a manner at once easy and dignified; an eye 
 grave, but benevolent ; and a voice whose slow, subdued 
 accents possess a rare sweetness not unmingled with 
 command. 
 
 " "We need wait for Miles no longer, my son," was 
 the remark of the old lady. " lie surely never meant 
 to come to breakfast. lie knows our hours perfectly ; 
 and knows, moreover, that we old people, who rise witli 
 the fowls, do not relish any unnecessary delay in the 
 morning meal." 
 
 " Well, mother, have it in, though I certainly under- 
 stood John that lie would be here to breakfast." 
 
 " Most probably lie did not understand himself.'' 
 
 " He is, indeed, a stupid fellow. l>ut, there he is. 
 Ho! John" — calling to the servant whom he sees cross- 
 ing the lawn in the direction of his house — " ho, John ! 
 what did Miles tell you?" 
 
 ki He tell me he will come, sa." 
 
 " Ay, but when ?" 
 
 " He sav dis morning, when breakfast come." 
 
THE TKNNERSHEAN's STORY, 21) 
 
 "Ay, indeed! but whose breakfast; his or mine? 
 Did lie say ho would come to breakfast with me, or 
 after lie had eaten his own?" 
 
 " He no say." 
 
 "Why did I send that follow!" muttered the youth 
 to himself as ho passed into the breakfast-room. Let 
 us follow him. JIow nieo are all the arrangements! 
 betraying the methodical and tidy hand of one brought 
 up in the old school. The cloth white as snow, and 
 neatly spread; tho silver shining as brightly as if just 
 from the burnish of tho smith ; and tho tout ennemble 
 denoting the vigilant care of a good mistress, who we*, 
 as well as orders, that her servants do their duty. A 
 single colored girl stands in waiting, dressed in blue 
 homespun, with a clean white apron. The aged lady 
 herself wears an apron, that seems to indicato her own 
 readiness to share in tho labors of tho household. And 
 now for the breakfast. A Georgia, indeed a Southern 
 breakfast, differs in sundry respects from ours at tho 
 North, chiefly, however, in tho matter of brcadstuffs. 
 In this respect our habits arc more simple, particularly 
 in the cities. In tho South, there is a variety; and 
 those are valuable chiefly in proportion to their warmth. 
 Hominy itself is a breadstuff; a dish that our mush but 
 poorly represents. It is seldom eatable out of a Southern 
 household. Then there are wa flics, and rice cakes ami 
 fritters, and other things of like description, making 
 a variety at once persuasive to the palate and not hurt- 
 fid to health. These were all in lavish array at tho 
 table of tho widow Hammond, for such is tho namo of 
 the excellent lady to whose breakfast, board wo arc 
 self-invited. The brcadstuffs had their corresponding 
 variety of meats. A dish of broiled partridges, u steak 
 of venison, and a vase of boiled eggs, furnish an ample 
 choice for a Spring breakfast, and tako from us all 
 motive to look farther. Coffee for her son, and tea for 
 herself, constituted tho beverage of tho breakfast; and 
 wo are not unconscious that tho platter of white fresh 
 butter, that occupies a plitec in the centre of the table, 
 
30 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 is suggestive of a pitcher of foaming buttermilk that 
 stands at the extremity. AVhy look further into the 
 catalogue? 
 
 For a -while the parties ate in silence, or rather they 
 did not eat; ono of them, at least, seemed to need an 
 appetizer. Randall Hammond took several things on 
 his plate at the suggestion of his mother, but he merely 
 tasted of them. The partridge was sorely gashed at 
 the first stroke, but the morsel taken from its breast lay 
 upon the fork unswallowed. The youth seemed more 
 disposed to exercise his ingenuity in balancing his spoon 
 upon the edge of his cup ; a feat which, having suc- 
 ceeded in, he abandoned for the more difficult experi- 
 ment of standing the o^ upon its point, as if to solve 
 the problem which Columbus submitted to the Spanish 
 doctors. The mother watched with some anxiety these 
 movements of her son. 
 
 " You do not eat, Randall." 
 
 " No," he said, " I have somehow no appetite ;" and 
 he pushed away his plate as he replied. 
 
 " You have eaten nothing ; shall I send you another 
 cup of coffee?" 
 
 " Do so, mother ; I am thirsty, though I cannot eat." 
 
 The cup was replenished. The mistress dispatches 
 the servant-girl on a mission to the kitchen, anjl then, 
 after a preliminary hem or two, she addressed her son 
 in accents of considerable gravity, though so coupled 
 with fondness as to declare the tender interest which 
 she had in her subject. 
 
 " My son, you well know the regret which I feel at 
 your going to this horserace.'' 
 
 u But 1 must go, mother." 
 
 " Yes, I understand that. You must go, as you have 
 promised to do so, and I suppose it's quite unreasonable 
 on my part to desire that you should not comply with 
 what is customary among your associates. I can be- 
 lieve, also, that horseracing is a very different thing, 
 nowadays, from what it was twenty years ago in 
 Georcia." 
 
T1I1C tbnnessekan's story. 01 
 
 " <) yes, indeed ; a very different thing! 11 
 "Ihopo so; 1 boliovo so! It' 1 did not, Randall, 
 nothing should persuade mo to give my consent to your 
 exposing yourself to its dreadful influences." 
 "You need fear nothing on my account, mother." 
 " Ah ! my son ; — that is being qui to too hold; persons 
 who are thus strong in their own belief are always in 
 danger. But, I trust, you have heard me too frequently 
 on this subject; 1 trust you feel how deeply I should 
 sudor, did 1 suppose that you could run a horse, or risk 
 a dollar, in such a practice ; to bo misled by the per- 
 suasions of others, or your own natural tendencies.' 
 
 <v But, why do you think 1 have any such tendencies, 
 mother?" 
 
 " Why have you spent so large an amount on these 
 foreign horses ?" 
 
 " For the sake of stock, mother. I have an eye to 
 the merits and the beauties of the horse. I know his fine 
 points. 1 love to look upon them. I know no spectacle 
 more beautiful than a group of these beautiful creatures, 
 wheeling and dashing over tho lawn ; and as a captain of 
 cavalry, 1 must bo well mounted myself. Beyond this 
 desire, I do not sec that I have any natural tendencies 
 that should occasion your fears." 
 
 " These tendencies come from this very passion for 
 horseflesh. " 
 
 "But with mc, mother, it is no passion." 
 " Alas! my son, 1 know better; all passions begin very 
 modestly. That you have the tendency is enough for 
 me, and, at the risk of giving you pain, I must repeat 
 what I have said before, that you inherit this passion 
 from your most unhappy father." 
 
 "No more of that, mother, I entreat you." 
 " Nay, Randall, but there must be more of it. It 
 is needful for your safety that I should remind you that 
 your father lost his life and fortune both by this insane 
 and dangerous passion. What remains to us of former 
 wealth was happily secured by my father's providence. 
 Wo had (dse been destitute. You resemble your father 
 
32 AS GOOD AS A COMEDYrOR, 
 
 : 
 
 greatly in most respects. You have his sanguine tem- 
 perament ; his hopeful confidence in himself ; his eager 
 will; his lavish expenditure, and his passion for horses." 
 
 "But, dear mother — " 
 
 " Restrained only, as I trust, my son, by the constant 
 lessons of your mother." 
 
 " And by the love I bear her." 
 
 "I believe it, Randall ; it is God's blessing that I do 
 believe it; otherwise, this would be to me a moment of 
 the dreariest hopelessness of heart. Promise me, dear 
 son, that you will neither run a horse, nor bet upon a 
 horserace." 
 
 " Promise, mother !" 
 
 "Nay, I ask no promise; I will only pray, Randall, 
 that you will never for a moment forget how much the 
 small remnant of your mother's life depends upon the 
 heed you give to these lessons of her fears and sorrows. 
 Let me not mourn the fato of an only son, as I must 
 always mourn that of a husband." 
 
 The youth passed his arms about her, and kissed her 
 tenderly. They had both risen from the table, and they 
 now approached the piazza together. 
 
 "There is another subject, Randall, about which I 
 wished to speak with you, but my heart is quite too full 
 just now. I must keep it for another time. It relates 
 to this young lady, Miss Foster." 
 
 The youth colored deeply. The flush did not escape 
 the penetrating eyes of the mother. She did not seem 
 to observe it, however, but continued with rare quietness 
 of manner to remark : 
 
 " They tell me that you arc pleased with her. v 
 
 "Who tells you?" 
 
 "No matter. Enough, that I hear also that she is a 
 maiden of singular levities, of bold, masculine habits." 
 "0 mother! who could have told you this ? "What a 
 scandalous story !" 
 
 "What! has she not some singular habits?" 
 " Some slight eccentricities, perhaps; something in 
 thought and manner more free and confident than is 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY* 33 
 
 common to the uneducated girls of the country, and 
 which they accordingly censure — hut — " 
 
 " Well, another time for this, my son. There comes 
 Henderson." 
 
 The youth was not unwilling to waive the subject. 
 His eyes were eagerly fixed upon the highway, where a 
 horseman now came in sight. _ 
 
 "Ay, there he is at last, riding like the high-sheriff, 
 as who but he ! Should he want breakfast, now, mo- 
 ther ?" 
 
 "lie can have it in a moment; but, unless I am 
 greatly mistaken, he has considered his wants of that 
 sort some time ago." 
 
 A few moments sufficed to determine the doubt. 
 The new-comer cantered rapidly down the road, and 
 was soon within the inclosure. 
 
 "Well, Randall, arc you ready?" he cried, as he 
 alighted from his horse. The bridle was thrown to a 
 servant, and Henderson ascended to the piazza, where 
 he shook hands with mother and son. 
 
 "Ready," said Hammond, " and have been this hour. 
 What has kept you? Why did you not come to break- 
 fast?" 
 
 " For the best of reasons. I overslept myself." 
 "Then you have breakfasted, Henderson?" asked the 
 old lady. 
 
 " O yes, ma'am. I wouldn't keep you waiting ; 
 though I sent word by John that I would take coffee 
 with you." 
 
 " And a pretty tale he made of it. We waited for 
 you." 
 
 "I'm sorry — "he began to apologize, but the old 
 lady silenced him gracefully, and then took her de- 
 parture, leaving the young men together. 
 
 "So, you overslept yourself, Miles?" was the remark 
 of Hammond. " Something singular for you. Where 
 was you last night?" 
 
 The inquirer darted a swift but half-smiling glance of 
 
34 
 
 suspicion directly to the eye of the other. The answer 
 "was somewhat hesitatingly delivered. 
 
 "Where was I ? Oh! at Mrs. Foster's." 
 "Ah!" was the significant exclamation of Hammond, 
 and a pause ensued between the parties. The tone with 
 which the exclamation was uttered was subdued, the 
 word seemed to escape the lips of the speaker involun- 
 tarily, and a keen eye might have detected a slight 
 contraction of the muscles of his brow. But this passed 
 away in a single moment, and putting his arm within 
 that of his guest, with a glance behind him to the 
 breakfast-room, Randall Hammond led his companion 
 down the steps, and they walked away in silence to somo 
 distance in the park. 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 35 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 THE FRIENDS. 
 
 The new-comer, whom wc arc already taught to know 
 as Miles Henderson, was tall of size and graceful of per- 
 son. In these respects, he resembled his companion ; 
 though it needed no second glance of the spectator to 
 discover the superiority, in ail that regards bearing and 
 general manner, in the person and carriage of the latter. 
 Henderson was a fine, sprightly, and rather sensible 
 fellow, but scarcely so courtly, so well-bred, and well- 
 looking as Randall Hammond. Still, there were those 
 by whom the former was preferred, lie was more frank 
 and less commanding, as a character ; more accessible, 
 and accordingly more agreeable to the many, than the 
 man of superior will and general endowments. It does 
 not need, however, that we should strike the balance, 
 just at this time, between them. Such a proceeding will 
 serve hereafter. Enough for us, that the two are most 
 excellent friends ; true, whole-souled, and confiding ; 
 with neither doubt nor distrust of any kind between 
 them; ready to share their resources, and to peril life, 
 if need be, in behalf of each other. And such had 
 been their terms of relationship from boyhood. They 
 had few other associates to divide their sympathies or 
 provoke jealousies between them. Both of them were 
 the only sons of widowed mothers; and both of them 
 were equally docile in respect to the wishes of their 
 parents. They were not absolutely faultless, but very 
 good fellows, as the world goes ; the one being supposed 
 to have a very decided will of his own ; the other of 
 having a tendency to good-fellowship of every kind, 
 without losing his equilibrium, in the license which good- 
 
36 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 fellowship among young men is supposed to engender. 
 We may state, at the beginning, that, on the occasion 
 of their present meeting, there was something more of 
 shyness and reserve in their mutual hearing, cordial and 
 frank as it really appeared, than had ever distinguished 
 it before. Tho secret of this, of which each was duly 
 conscious, will be shown as wo proceed. They had got 
 to some distance from the dwelling, when, somewhat 
 abruptly, Randall resumed the conversation with an 
 inquiry. 
 
 "So you dined at Mrs. Foster's yesterday, Miles?" 
 " Xo. I got there in the afternoon. 1 went down 
 to the village to sec Ferguson about that land business, 
 and took the good lady in my way home." 
 
 "By going four miles out of the way," said the other, 
 drily. 
 
 "\ou'rc right, Randall," answered the other frankly, 
 while a slight Hush tinged the check of the speaker. 
 "You're right ; but I reckon it's only what you'd have 
 done yourself. " 
 
 To this nothing was answered. A moment's pause 
 ensued, when Hammond resumed. 
 
 "Was that foolish fellow, Barry, there?" 
 " No ! not then ; but I gathered that he had been, 
 during the morning, from something that passed between 
 Geraldino and her mother — " 
 "All! What?" 
 
 "Why, as far as I could guess, Geraldino had been 
 rather sharp upon him, in some of her answers ; and 
 her mother was cpritc displeased in consequence. She 
 gave (Jeraldine a lecture as long as one of Brother 
 Petcrkin's, particularly when his dinner has been a good 
 and comforting one; and Geraldino — " 
 
 "Minded it quite as little as my roan horse does the 
 snaflle. But how often, Miles, you name her in the 
 space of a sentence !" 
 
 "Name her! How often ! Who?" The response 
 was stammeringly made. 
 
 " Who, but Geraldino Foster? In a single half sen- 
 
the tennesseean's story. 37 
 
 tcncc, I think, you contrived to bring in her name at 
 least half a dozen times." 
 
 "Nay, Randall, you're joking. But once, 'pon my 
 honor !" 
 
 "Pawn nothing, or you lose. The oiTenco is not 
 hanging, unless agreeably. The name is one to bo 
 repeated. It is a sweet and musical one." 
 
 This was said good-humorcdly, a slight smile lighten- 
 ing pleasantly the otherwise grave face of tho speaker. 
 His companion discovered a something significant in the 
 look and speech, was himself slightly confused, and con- 
 cealed it in silence. Hammond quietly turned full upon 
 him, and, laying his hand with affectionate emphasis 
 upon his shoulder, thus addressed him: — 
 
 " Look you, Miles,, old fellow, there is one small knot 
 between us which remains to be untied." 
 
 "Knot between us, llandall V 
 
 " Yes ; and the sooner we take it between our lingers, 
 the more certain are we to escape the necessity of put- 
 ting our teeth to it. "We are here by ourselves, and a 
 few moments more — " 
 
 " But, have we time, Randall?" 
 
 " Time ! Yes ; we neither of us care much for the 
 race ; we shall lose but little." 
 
 " But little, in truth. The horses I hear of are only 
 common ones. There is Vosc's gray, pretty good at 
 a quarter; and Biggar's young filly out of 'May 
 Queen;' and the old horse 'Bob,' of Joe Balch, which 
 you know was never of much account ; and Barry, I 
 understand, means to run his 'Fair Geraldine,' of which 
 he brags so much ; and — " 
 
 "Enough of your catalogue," said the other, with a 
 smile : "I perhaps know quite as much as yourself with 
 regard to the horses likely to be upon the ground ; for 
 Tom Nettles was with me yesterday, and he has all the 
 news. The race, he agrees, will be no great shakes, so 
 that, if we lose some of it, we lose nothing — " 
 
 " Yes, but Randall, Geraldine will bo there early, and 
 without any male attendance. In fact, I promised her 
 4 
 
it 
 
 38 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 to bo on the ground at the beginning, in order to let 
 her know all about the horses. She is full of it, and 
 is prepared to bet a world of gloves, and purses, and 
 handkerchiefs. She expects you there early also. She 
 told me, indeed, that you had promised her — " 
 
 a Ah! she remembered it, did she? — well!" after a 
 moment's pause; "we shall still be there in season; 
 what I have to say won't take many minutes. The chief 
 difficulty was to get up the resolution to say it at all, 
 Miles." 
 
 The resolution, Randall? Why, what can it be?" 
 Can't you guess?" replied the other, fixing his 
 eyes keenly upon those of his companion. The orbs of 
 the latter sunk beneath the scrutiny. 
 
 " I see that you know. Let us sit here, Miles." 
 They were now beneath a magnificent cluster of oaks, 
 covering five or more acres of ground, and looking forth, 
 from a noble eminence, on lawn and field, and plain, 
 and high road, that stretched away below. Sylvan 
 seats, manufactured rudely, but nut without a native 
 ingenuity, out of wands of hickory and elm, into Gothic 
 and fantastic forms, were conveniently distributed for 
 the lounge, while great streamers of drooping gray 
 moss festooned the outstretching arms of the several 
 trees with a drapery not less appropriate than natural. 
 Hammond pointed his companion to one of these seats, 
 while he took another close beside him. An incon- 
 venient pause followed of a few moments, which was 
 finally broken by the strong will of the former, which 
 was of that fearless and frank character that could 
 soon shake itself free of all feelings of social awkward- 
 ness when resolved on the performance of a duty. His 
 hand again rested kindly on the shoulders of Hender- 
 son, as, looking him affectionately in the face, he thus 
 proceeded to unfold the matter which troubled him. 
 
 " Miles, old fellow, it won't do, after so many years 
 of close and brotherly communion ; years when we were 
 all in all to each other, and seemed to live for nobody 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 39 • 
 
 beside ; I say, it won't do for us now to suffer any mis- 
 trust or misunderstanding to grow up between us." 
 
 " Surely not, Randall ! — I wouldn't for the world ! — 
 But what mistrust — what misunderstanding?" 
 
 "Hear me, Miles; mistrusts and misunderstandings 
 grow very naturally and very silently between friends 
 from the slightest beginnings. There's no seeing them 
 at first, unless the heart is watchful of itself, and even 
 then they are apt to be let alone to grow apace, as all 
 ill weeds do, unless the heart is properly jealous of itself. 
 ]\ T ow, it may be that my heart is equally mistaken in 
 its suspicions of itself and of yours — " 
 " Of mine, Randall?" 
 
 il Yes ! I have reason to believe that there lias been 
 a slight falling off between us ever since Geraldine 
 Foster returned to the neighborhood. 
 
 " Randall!" said the other, reproachfully. 
 " It is even so, Miles ; but it must not be so any 
 longer. For this reason, I have determined to speak out 
 plainly before the weed grows too strong for the plough- 
 share. We were friends from boyhood until now, and 
 your friendship has been, and I trust will continue 
 to be, quite as precious to me as any love of woman. 
 AVe must continue to be friends, Miles, even though we 
 should both of us love Geraldine Foster." 
 
 The other clasped his hands together, as if with 
 a sudden anguish. 
 
 " Ah, Randall !— I did fear it ; I did !" 
 " It is unfortunate, Miles, that such is the case, but 
 it is no longer to be feared, and it need not be fatal to 
 our friendship. I can love Geraldine with all the passion 
 of a Georgian's heart ; but, Miles, I can love you too, 
 and I will love you to the last. To be sure of this, we 
 have only to understand each other. There must be no 
 doubts, no mistrusts, no suspicions between us. You 
 love her ; you will seek her ; you will try to win her 
 love if you can; and for this I shall afford you every 
 proper opportunity, not hesitating to avail myself of 
 the chances that seem to encourage me. Thus far, wo 
 
40 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 have both sought her without interference of each other. 
 "Wo will continue to do so. It is the instinct of a 
 true friendship which has compelled this forbearance. 
 I frankly admit to you that, as yet, she lias given me 
 no proofs that she cares one straw for me more than 
 for another. If you can say that you have been more 
 fortunate, speak it out, Miles, like a man, and I pursue 
 her no longer ; I leave the field entirely to yourself." 
 
 " You are a noble fellow, Randall, and deserve the 
 girl ; which I don't. 1 could no more have mustered 
 the heart to talk of it to you,' as you have just done to 
 me, than I could have found wings to lly ; yet 1 felt that 
 that was the only way. 1 do love her, as you Bay ; 
 but I must own that, like yourself, I have had no 
 encouragement. But no more does she seem to show 
 favor to others. She lias several suitors, you know?" 
 
 " Yes! but none, I think, that eithc v of us has need 
 to fear. You, at least, arc the only person whose 
 chances disquiet me. She has the sense to perceive 
 your worth — to respect you — " 
 
 "I don't know that," was the somewhat sullen an- 
 swer, with a discontented shake of the head ; " she 
 treats me mighty scurvilv, at times. Y'ou know her 
 way!" 
 
 u Y'cs; but I know it is her way, which shows itself 
 to all others as it shows itself to you, though each 
 person naturally thinks him.self the worst treated of 
 all. She is a tyrant, knows her power, and is but 
 too fond of abusing it; but she is a noble creature, never- 
 theless, with all her faults." 
 
 " A beautiful creature, Randall !" 
 " I don't speak so much of her beauty, Miles, though, 
 as you say, she is very beautiful; but she is a genuine 
 creature. She is wrong frequently, and says and. does 
 wilful and mischievous things; but I do not think she 
 has any cunning, which 1 look upon as fatal to all the 
 beauty that woman could possess. She speaks, and 
 thinks, and feels, very much as if a feeling and honest 
 heart was in her bosom, which had not vet been tortured 
 
THE tennesseean's story. 41 
 
 out of shape and nature by the tricks of society and 
 the teachings of other women. It is this for which I 
 love her chiefly, and which reconciles me to so much of 
 her eccentricities and wilfulness. I suppose she treats 
 you only as she treats me and all others. The truth is, 
 she not only feels her power, and is rash because of 
 her own impetuous spirit, but she has learned to distrust 
 the professions and attentions of gentlemen. She has 
 met with flatteries and flatterers at Savannah and 
 Charleston, and has learned perhaps to despise them, 
 not because she did not like attention and homage, but 
 that she required them to bo interesting as well as 
 suppliant. It is the insipidity of beaux, rather than 
 their devotion, that her bold mind, which resents the 
 commonplace, has learned to distrust and to contemn. 
 Fortunately, you and I are no beaux,, Miles; but she 
 has yet to discover what we are. That she will find 
 out, if time be allowed her, I make no question. I 
 confide in her sincerity of mind ; in what seems the 
 very wilfulness of her heart ; in its warmth, its impulse, 
 and the shrewd good sense, which is quite as apparent 
 to me in her conduct as her eccentricities." 
 
 "Ah! Randall, you need to fear nothing," was the 
 somewhat desponding answer of the other; " I'm think- 
 ing she already sees you with kinder eyes than anybody 
 else." 
 
 " Scarcely, Miles; for I am not taking the course 
 to win her affections suddenly. I confess to some policy 
 in this respect. She would rate me with the rest, if I 
 sought her like the rest. I must approach her as a man, 
 and not as a schoolboy." 
 
 " You were always a man, Randall, even when a 
 schoolboy." 
 
 " I'm not sure, Miles, that you pay me any compli- 
 ment in this opinion. My consolation is that it is not 
 just. Your mannish schoolboys are usually destroyed 
 by their precocity. Still, if I can persuade Geraldine 
 that I am a man now — " 
 
 " You will — vou will!" said the other, with a sigh. 
 ,4* 
 
42 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 "Nay, nay, Miles; I must have none of this de- 
 spondency. You must pursue your chase with as much 
 hope and ardor as decision. As I have said already, 
 I am not taking the usual course for success, and there 
 is one evil influence particularly at work against me." 
 "What is that?" 
 
 " Her stepmother's dislike to me, which flows natu- 
 rally from the slights which she complains of at the 
 hands of my mother. My mother, who comes from an 
 old stock, and a very proud one, dislikes the obtrusive 
 and bad manners of Mrs. Foster. It is not that she is 
 of humble origin, but that she is pert and presuming, 
 and has made several efforts, without success, to find 
 her way to my mother's intimacy. Besides, Mrs. Foster 
 evidently inclines to this little fellow, Barry, who treats 
 her with a degree of deference which amounts to syco- 
 phancy, and who, besides, has the prospect of much 
 greater wealth than cither of us could possibly hope to 
 acquire. The stepmother must have succeeded before 
 this, had it not been for the native good sense and the 
 strong will of Gcraldinc. Yet she may at last — " 
 "Who, Gcraldino? Never! She despises Barry." 
 "Very likely; indeed, I know she must; but that 
 don't materially impair his chances, should circumstances 
 favor him. Many a passionate woman, taken in the 
 lucky moment, has married the object of her loathing'. 
 This" is woman's weakness. But we needn't linger in 
 this discussion. I have made a clean breast of it. You 
 have done the same. What next '! Why, that we should 
 pursue our objects, Miles, as we have always pursued 
 them, witli candor, witli mutual sincerity and love. 
 Fair play between us will always keep us friends, let 
 who will get the lady." 
 
 The cordial gripe of their hands which followed was 
 as an oath between them. Much more was said, which 
 it does not concern us to repeat. A few moments 
 found them mounted, both on blooded steeds of the 
 best breeds in the country, and on their way to the 
 
THE tennesseean's story. 43 
 
 country race-course, not yet famous in the sporting 
 calendar, which was honored with the name of Ilillabec, 
 after an ancient tribe of Indians, all of whom are 
 extinct. 
 
44 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 IIILLABEE RACE-COURSE. 
 
 In the more thinly settled regions of the South and 
 "West, a thousand sports are resorted to, to compensate 
 the want of society, and to supply equivalent pleasures 
 for those of a great city. On public days, the villages, 
 or hamlets rather, are always crowded with people. 
 The County Court brings together hundreds who rejoice 
 that they have no business within its precincts; while 
 on days of sheriff and public sales, other hundreds 
 appear within sight of the auctioneer's hammer, who 
 have neither means nor wish to buy. Muster-day calls 
 forth its hosts in addition to those who come for training; 
 and Charity, availing herself of the popular need, opens 
 her frequent fairs for philanthropic purposes, relying 
 on the universal desire for society to persuade into use- 
 less expenditure those whom it would not be easy to 
 tempt to a benevolence for its own sake. Saturday, in 
 these regions, is almost as much a holiday with the 
 full-grown farmer as it is with the schoolboy, and usually 
 takes him to the nearest place of gathering, which is 
 usually a grocery, under the pretence of laying in the 
 supplies for the week; but really with the no less human 
 motive of procuring those social excitements which do 
 not always result in the elevation of his humanity. 
 Here, he rewards the patient labor of five days at the 
 plough with potations which exhaust much more cer- 
 tainly than any labor. He calls for his quart of 
 whiskey, which lie shares with comrades, who find 
 similar supplies, and, towards evening, he may be seen 
 wending homewards, balancing himself with no little 
 difficulty upon his/steed, with ajug well filled, banging 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'fl PTORY. 45 
 
 in one end of a sack across his saddle, tlio other end 
 befog Btorcd with such supplies as will soothe the appre- 
 hended angor of his spouse. It is not unfrcquontly 
 iho ense thut, overtasking Ids capacity, ho imbibes too 
 many potations Tor his oqucstrianship, and man, jug, 
 mid saddle find their way into ditch or thicket, while 
 the unincumbered horse gradually crops his way home. 
 This, fortunately, is but an occasional history now. 
 There was a time when it was much moro frequent, and 
 associated with other practices — the brutal sculllc, the 
 vindictive fight, the blasphemous languago, which left 
 our hopeful humanity but little of which it could really 
 boast. Happily, this period is one of which tho memory 
 grows daily more and more imperfect. The sports of 
 the people of the South and West, oven along the border 
 settlements, are of a more grateful character. Tho 
 horserace is that which moro nearly resembles thoso of 
 the past, sineo it necessarily brings into most decided 
 activity tho animal tendencies of the people. Tt is hero 
 that tho great masses provo their atlinity with tho an- 
 cient Saxon family of Bull! The picnic and tho fishing- 
 party will suffice for girls and boys in the season of 
 romance, which is ono simply of mutual confidence and 
 hope; but tho turf for all parties, at all seasons. It is 
 hero that all meet as upon a common ground, and amidst 
 a thousand inequalities of wealth and life, show and 
 condition ; no ono thinks so much or so meanly of him- 
 self as to bo absent. Few think of themselves at all, 
 at such a period. The horserace commends itself to tho 
 great body of the forest population more than any other 
 amusement. It is an image, in some degree, of war. It 
 appeals particularly to a pooplo scarcely one of whom 
 fails to keep, and not one of whom is unoqual to tho 
 most excellent management, of a horse. Commend us, 
 accordingly, to tho Southern turf. Hero, the sport is 
 not an alVcctation. It is enjoyed with a zest. Hero 
 life and nature speak out in all their varieties of cha- 
 racter. Tho dullest peasant looks animation as tho sleok 
 coursers wind bencatn his sight. His eye becomes bright 
 
46 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR. 
 
 and knowing. He looks at head, heels, and neck, with 
 the eye of a connoisseur. lie feels the breast and 
 shoulders knowingly. He adopts his favorite, and then 
 shouts his preference in defiance to all comers. lie is 
 ready with or for a banter. lie is prepared to stake 
 his earnings of a year upon his judgment. His greasy 
 pocketbook lies ready in his grasp. His bales of cotton 
 are folded up in tens, and twenties, and hundreds, wait- 
 ing deliverance or companions in bondage. He is no 
 longer a person of drooping and grave aspect, drowsily 
 going forward as if without hope or purpose. He is 
 now all life, eager for opposition, and confident of suc- 
 cess. Nor is it the inferior taste and understanding 
 only to which the announcement holds forth temptation. 
 Education here is not construed to assume the total sub- 
 jection of the animal nature, and the elevation of the 
 moral at the expense and sacrifice of the passions. 
 The excitement which arises from the contemplation of 
 the bold, the fleet, the strong and energetic, is supposed 
 to be clearly consistent, within certain limits, with the 
 laws of refinement and civilization ; and the young dam- 
 sel, who will prattle sentiment with you by the hour, 
 quoting freely and understandingly from the pages of 
 Moore and Wordsworth, yet bounds at the tap of the 
 drum which warns the courser to depart, and glows nt 
 the progress of the contending l>loo<.h ; her soul as much 
 excited at what she sees as the young dragoon for the 
 first time jingling his spurs in the heady tempest of 
 the fight. 
 
 But a glimpse at the race-course of llillabec itself 
 will afford us a much better idea of the scene, as it 
 ordinarily appears, than we could possibly convey by 
 any process of generalization. The ground is chosen 
 in a pine barren, which, being entirely level, and free 
 from ridge or inequality for a space of several miles, 
 renders it suitably firm and hard for the required pur- 
 pose. The trees are cleared away, leaving a spacious 
 amphitheatre something more than a mile in circumfer- 
 ence. Within this space the course is laid out in a 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 47 
 
 circle, anil designated by ditches running parallel, with 
 a track of eighty feet between them. The original 
 forests surround the whole; a deep green girdle of mas- 
 sive pines, at whoso feet have sprung up, taking the 
 place of thoso which have been eradicated from the 
 outer edges of the course, a narrow belt of scrubby oaks. 
 Among these, you sec numerous carts and wagons. 
 These contain supplies of food and liquor. Here aro 
 ginger-cakes and cider, of domestic manufacture. Hero 
 aro cold baked meats in abundance, ham and " chicken 
 fixings," mutton and pork, spread upon long tables of 
 rough plank, and waiting for customers. On one hand, 
 you see rising the smokes of a barbacue ; a steer is 
 about to be roasted entire above a huge pit, over which, 
 by means of a stake, he hangs suspended. Steeds arc 
 fastened in every thicket, and groups of saddles lie 
 beneath every tree. Their owners arc already scattered 
 about the turf, while hundreds of negroes arc ready, 
 within and without the circle, pushing forward wherever 
 there is promise of novelty, and anxious to emulate their 
 betters in perilling every sixpence in their possession 
 on the legs of their several favorites. There is a yet 
 greater attraction for these in the huge white tent, 
 spread at one extremity of the area ; over which hang, 
 in greasy and tattooed folds, the great stripes and stars 
 of the nation. The attraction here is a novelty. It is 
 a company of circus-riders. Their steeds, gayly capa- 
 risoned, have already gone in clamorous procession over 
 the* course to the sound of music;, a thousand negroes 
 have followed at their heels. Their exercises begin at 
 the closing of the races, which cannot possibly take 
 place before the afternoon. The interval to these is 
 one of the most trying anxiety ; to be soothed in part 
 only by the events of the race. For this, the prepara- 
 tions are actively in progress. A glance at the opposite 
 extremity of the ring, where the judges have a rude 
 but elevated structure, not unlike a Chinese pagoda, 
 shows us a handsome sprinkling of other visitors, on 
 horse and foot. Many of these have a deeper interest 
 
48 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 in the progress of the day than arises from simple 
 curiosity. There arc the sportsmen, the jockeys, the 
 owners of horses, their admirers, riders, and those who, 
 in some way, look to the future with some selfish con- 
 sideration. They dart about in largo survey, or crowd 
 in groups around some favorite steed or speaker. There, 
 you may see a dozen around the drum, whose office it 
 is to give the signal which sets horse and man in motion ; 
 and not far distant, you may behold the amateur fifer that 
 perambulates merrily by himself, discoursing through 
 his instrument, somewhat imperfectly, of llobin Adair 
 and ltoslyn Castle. Others, again, arc more busily 
 and officially employed. They arc weighing steed and 
 rider, measuring the track, taking down bets and entries, 
 and, altogether, looking and behaving as if the next 
 movement of tho great globe itself depended upon the 
 wise disposition which that moment should make of their 
 affairs. 
 
 Looking beyond this circle, and the prospect is equally 
 encouraging. The 'eye naturally falls first upon tho 
 imposing cortege of the higher classes. Here you per- 
 ceive, in coach, carriage, barouche, and buggy, that tho 
 upper ten thousand arc tacitly permitted by the multi- 
 tude to form a little community to themselves. The 
 vehicles crowd together, as if in sympathy, the carriage- 
 poles interlacing ; the horses withdrawn and fastened 
 in the shade of neighboring thickets. Here, seated in 
 their carriages, appear the ladies, as various in their 
 ages as in their separate style of beauty. They form 
 close compact knots, or circles, according to the degrees 
 of intimacy between them, and jealously force out all 
 intruders ; leaving such avenues only as will permit the 
 approach on horseback of their several attendants and 
 gallants. Showily and richly dressed, and surrounded 
 by these dashing gentry of the other sex, all well mounted 
 and eager to show their horsemanship, they give to the 
 scene a gayety and brilliance which wonderfully add to 
 its life and animation. Their gallants whirl around 
 them with anxious attentions ; now fly oil' to ascertain 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 49 
 
 the course of events, and now dash back, at full speed, 
 to report progress. They describe and designate the 
 horses to the delighted fair ones, direct tlicin in their 
 choice of favorites, and lose to them glove and ribbon 
 with the happiest gallantries. You may note the em- 
 blems and badges upon each fair bosom; these are white 
 and pink, and red and green; they designate the colors 
 of the selectest horses ; and beautify in this way, does 
 not feel mortified at being made tributary to the beast. 
 
 The more numerous multitude, if less attractive in 
 their exhibitions, are much more various and not less 
 imposing. A glance to the right confines the eye to 
 a crowd in the midst of which a wagon appears, sur- 
 mounted by a red streamer which waves twenty feet 
 high from the peak of a pine sapling. The shaft is 
 rigidly held in its perpendicular by the embrace of a 
 group of barrels, from one of which the more abstemious 
 may obtain a draught of domestic cider or switchel ; 
 while from another, the stronger head imbibes his mo- 
 dicum of whiskey or apple brandy; a poor Western 
 apology for Irish poteen, which, after the first season, 
 our Patrick learns to swallow with something of the 
 relish with which he smacked his lips upon the brown 
 jug in his native island. Other wagons and Hags appear, 
 each in the margin of the thickets, sheltered by its 
 shade, yet not hidden from the eyes of the thirsty and 
 hungry citizen. They divide themselves, according to 
 their experience, between the several wagons; and it's — 
 
 " Ha, Uncle Billy, and what havo you got for a dry 
 throat to-day ?" Or— - 
 
 " Thar you ar', Daddy Nathan, as bright as a bead 
 of brandy, always bringing something for a tharsty sin- 
 ner l" And Uncle Billy responds with a smile : 
 
 " Yes, Joel, my son, and it's I that's never too old 
 for the sarvice ;" — or, Daddy Nathan shouts back, with 
 the voice of a "blood-o'nouns," 
 
 " And what would you hev', you great jugbelly with 
 a double muzzle ? Ain't I here for the saving of such 
 miserable sinners as you, that never think you're half 
 6 
 
50 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 full till you're fairly running over and can't run no 
 more. Ride up, and see if you ean fin<l the way to your 
 own swallow. Here's the stuff that'll make you open 
 your mouth, though your eyes never x seed it; as a 
 hungry pike jumps up for the bait, jest because his nose 
 tells him it's sartainly out somewhar' in the pond." 
 
 Then comes the rugged wit in answer, fashioned 
 after the same model; a mild, good-humored banter; 
 ending with a summons to the boys, to " come up to the 
 rack," and try the peach or apple brandy, the whiskey 
 or the cider, each according to his taste, of the uncle 
 or the daddy. 
 
 "Whose treat?" demands two or three in the same 
 breath. 
 
 "Who's but Joel Xorris's?" or reteWithers's, or Ben 
 Climcs's, or some other well-known boy of the masses, 
 whom they have learned to reverence for that equal 
 freedom of hand which enables them, with just the 
 same readiness, to bestow buffet or beverage, accord- 
 ing to the mood of the moment, or the character of the 
 provocation given. And thus the groups form ; and the 
 meeting leads to the drinking; the drinking to the bet- 
 ting ; and they part, or group themselves together, 
 busy, from the moment in which they appear upon the 
 field ; much more earnest in the pursuit of fun than in 
 the prosecution of their daily tasks. 
 
 He must be of difficult taste, indeed, Avhom such a 
 theatre will fail to satisfy. Yonder, upon the grass, sit 
 a cluster of rustic damsels. They are only spreading 
 their baskets of cakes, gunjas, as they call them, and 
 boiling huge vessels of coffee. Beyond them, at a 
 little distance, appear others of the sisterhood, busy in 
 preparing their tables with plate, knife, and fork. "To- 
 wards noon you will sec them smoking with hot dishes, 
 and well surrounded by hungry gamesters. Cards and 
 dice already begin to interest other parties, that crouch 
 away in remoter places along the skirts of the wood; 
 and the more personal matters of "poker" and "old 
 Bledgo" render many an ardent spirit momentarily in- 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 51 
 
 different to the approaching horserace, upon which ho 
 has no sixpence left to stake. You will see him start 
 to his feet as the shouts of the crowd without, and 
 the rush of the horses, announce the approach of the 
 contending steeds; hut a glance suffices; and, satisfied 
 that he neither wins nor loses by the event, he sinks 
 down upon the turf or log, and 'renews the game of 
 "brag" with fresh nonclialancc and audacity. 
 
 Look, now, at the ring forming within the wood, where 
 an eager circle encourage two rivals to a stand-up 
 wrestle. They are stripped to the huff; the broad breast, 
 and full, rigid muscle, promising a noble struggle. They 
 approach with equal deliberation and good-humor, and 
 the hug is fairly taken. They pause, and each lifts the 
 other from his feet; and now they bend to it and wavo 
 to and fro, like tall saplings shaken adversely by capri- 
 cious winds; now yield, now recover; a stern, close 
 issue, very doubtful to the bystanders, who, soon for- 
 getting their individuality, unconsciously follow the 
 wrestlers in all their contortions, and, before they know 
 where they arc, glide into the ring and into the em- 
 brace of well-matched opponents, with whom they tug 
 and tumble about without a single word of preliminary. 
 In the shade of yonder avenue, you see a couple at- 
 tended by their admiring followers, coats and shoes cast 
 off, hands clasped, and about to dart forward in a foot- 
 race of a hundred yards. Beyond them, still farther in 
 the wood, you are called upon to witness a trial of skill 
 between the crack rifles of two adjoining counties, of 
 whom their respective friends have been boasting for 
 several seasons. They have now, for the first time, 
 been brought together. A race-turf, like that of Ililla- 
 bee, will assemble the best fellows of several counties 
 upon extraordinary occasions. They have planted a 
 dollar at eighty yards. Could a shilling be seen at 
 that distance, the smaller coin had been preferred. 
 
 And thus the field is laid off and divided. Thus the 
 parties group themselves throughout the day, except 
 when the race is of peculiar interest, when all small 
 
52 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY : OR, 
 
 matters are necessarily merged in the one result. But 
 many wander about nearly listless, who depend for 
 their pleasures rather upon the sports of others, than 
 because of any direct participation with them. These 
 sway to and fro at every summons that promises no- 
 velty or excitement. Now, there are sounds of strife 
 and clamor, that declare a fight ; and they hurry with 
 open-mouthed delight to the scene of action. Now, a 
 barrel of whiskey rolls from the wagon, and the owner, 
 attended by the yells of a delighted circle, prances and 
 rolls over it to his own confusion. Now a table of 
 plank yields beneath the elbows of the guests, and the 
 bacon and the pans go over with the company into the 
 sand; and now an ill-trained horse bolts from the track, 
 and scatters the clustering group of terrified spectators, 
 compelling them to a use of their heels not less eccen- 
 tric than his own. So much for the general aspect of 
 the race-course at Hillabee on the memorable day in 
 question. But it is high time that we should be more 
 particular, and concentrate our regards upon those per- 
 sonages in whom our reader is expected to take the 
 deepest interest. 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 53 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 FLATS AND SHARPS. 
 
 A RACE-COURSE lias its music ; at all events, we are 
 now among the flats and sharps. Here you see, on a 
 small scale, some of those characters who, on a more 
 extended field, and with better training, might become 
 famous financiers, or equally famous diplomatists. Here 
 you may encounter some inglorious Rothschild, and wit- 
 ness instances of petty dexterity in policy which might 
 honor Metternich. Look you now, for example, at the 
 person who approaches us. His shabby exterior and 
 lounging manner would hardly fix your attention, unless 
 you were first assured that there was a meaning under 
 it ; mark him closely, and you will discover a certain 
 significance in his eye and bearing which shows that he 
 has his object. He is not the stolid indifferent that he 
 seems to the casual observer. His eye, shrouding his 
 glances as he may under the heavy penthouse of his 
 bushy brows, is that of the hawk, as, wheeling aloft, he 
 casts sidelong glances upon the covey of partridge that 
 crouch along the bramble thicket. His quiet, cool, and 
 easy carriage; the half smile that plays about his mouth, 
 while his face presents a dull, unmeaning gravity ; his 
 manner, at once listless and observant ; his evident ac- 
 quaintance with everything and everybody ; and the 
 fact that, while he seems to seek nobody, he is seldom 
 himself without a follower ; all declare a character and 
 talent of his own. But, what sort of talent ? The 
 scene in which he appears so entirely at home, and the 
 costume which he wears, present us with a clue to his 
 secret. He is one of the heroes of the turf. This, 
 though on a somewhat humble scale, is the scene of his 
 
 5* 
 
54 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 victories. lie knows every race-course and horse of 
 heels in Georgia ; knows every jockey, and his dimen- 
 sions ; and, a well-known sharp himself, his constant 
 study is to extend his acquaintance among the flats, 
 who are too numerous in every country to be so easily 
 canvassed. His province is, particularly, horseflesh. 
 He knows clean heels, at a glance. He reads the speed 
 of an animal in his eye, and its bottom in its quarters ; 
 and knows the art, as well as any man, of so disguising 
 a horse as to deceive the eyes of other judges. This is 
 exclusively his world. His library is the stables ; his 
 place of worship is the race-course ; his prayer-book, the 
 little dirty envelop of loosely folded sheets, rudely 
 stitched together, in which he notes his bets, and records 
 his obligations. His costume speaks, however, for no- 
 thing of his method, though it sufficiently declares his 
 character. His trousers are loose; hang about his hips, 
 without suspenders, something like a sailor's ; and are 
 occasionally jerked up for the purpose of a brief inter- 
 view with the short and open vest that hangs somewhat 
 distantly above ; the legs are thrust into his boot-tops, 
 which are themselves wofully in need of covering, torn 
 at the sides, and crushed down upon the ankles. His 
 hunting-shirt has seen like service ; the fringe is dilapi- 
 dated, the cape half torn away. His cap, which rests 
 jauntily on one side of his head, has its own fractures; 
 the peak of it Happing, with a constant threat of de- 
 parture, over his left eye. The vest flies wide, in con- 
 sequence of the entire absence of its buttons. His 
 breast is partly bare, from a like condition of his shirt- 
 bosom ; and the greasy black kerchief, which is wrap- 
 ped about his neck like a rope, with the ends almost 
 •hanging to his middle, has suffered the shirt-collar, on 
 one side, to escape entirely from its folds. You would 
 suppose him the poorest devil on the ground. But that 
 is his policy. He is a chevalier d' Industrie. He lives 
 by his wits; but these are so much capital ; they com- 
 mand capital. Note him, where he goes, and you see 
 that he is still followed by another, whose externals are 
 
TIIE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 55 
 
 quite unlike his own. This is a tall, good-looking 
 stranger, from another county; well dressed, — rather 
 too much so, — and with quite a fashionable manner, 
 lie finds the capital, while his pilot finds the wit. Still, 
 they do not seem to work together. The stranger does 
 not too closely follow on the heels of his associate, lie 
 suffers him to keep ahead, and somewhat distant, but 
 never loses him from sight. lie is simply convenient 
 when the fish is to he taken, and sutlers the other to 
 proceed after his own designs without interruption or 
 communication. Let us follow, for a space, our first 
 acquaintance. How quietly and successfully he makes 
 his way among the crowd; without any effort at doing 
 the agreeable, he is yet everywhere received as a favorite, 
 lie has a good-humored speech for all, and knows just 
 the subject which appeals most directly to the fancies or 
 the feelings of each. He is, in fact, a nobleman, from 
 whom more pretentious persons of this order might well 
 receive a few lessons. 
 
 "Well, Burg," he says to one, whose ear he first 
 tickles with the end of the whip which he carries, and 
 who turns only at the voice of the speaker, "so * Betsey 
 AVheeler' died of the staggers?" 
 
 " Ah ! Ned ; yes. She did, poor thing, she did ! v 
 
 " Good heels had * Betsey' for a quarter stretch. .That 
 was a most beautiful run she made with Latham's ' Buz- 
 zard.' " 
 
 u Worn't it, Ned?" responded the man addressed, 
 with a delighted expression of countenance, as he clasped 
 the hand of the new-comer. " Ah ! she was a critter. 
 My darter hain't got over the loss of the mar' yet." 
 
 " She was a mare !" was the emphatic reply of Ned. 
 " She hasn't left many with cleaner heels behind her, 
 Burg." 
 
 The latter was greatly flattered. 
 
 "Ah, Ned," said he, "you're the man to know when 
 a horse is a horse !" 
 
 " You've got her filly ?" 
 
 " Sold her to Captain Barry." 
 
56 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 " All ! You shouldn't have done so. Is he here 
 to-day — Barry ?" 
 
 "Yes, I reckon." 
 
 "Has he the filly yet?" 
 
 " Yes, that he has ; and will run her, too ; for he 
 counts her about as good flesh for a brush as any four- 
 year old in the county." 
 
 " If she's like her dam, Burg, she can't help it !" 
 
 " As like as two peas from the same hull ; only, I'm 
 thinking, she has a little more bone than 'Betsey.' " 
 
 "So much the better. That's where 'Betsey' failed." 
 
 No more was said between the parties. Our acquaint- 
 ance passed on : the next moment his follower came up 
 with him, sufficiently close to catch the whispered sen- 
 tence — 
 
 " I put a spoke in there that'll help to make the 
 wheel. Barry's a fool! and Burg will tell him every- 
 thing I've said." 
 
 The other falls back, and our jockey pursues his way, 
 until, stopping short, he applies his whip, with a gentle 
 cut, to the shins of a person; who, leaning against a 
 sapling, betrays but little interest in what passes. He 
 turns gently round at the equivocal salutation, and, as 
 he encounters the features of the assailant, his words 
 and looks of defiance give place to those of banter and 
 good-humor. 
 
 "Halloo, there, monkey! ain't you afeard of that tail 
 of your'n getting in the wolf-trap?" 
 
 "No, Jake; for I know you hain't got the teeth to 
 raise the skin of that varmint." 
 
 "Hain't I, then? Just you try it, then, with another 
 sort of look in your face, and see if I ain't a peeler." 
 
 '•Will you peel?" 
 
 "Won't I, then?" 
 
 "Jake, my boy, I've come here to-day to strip the 
 skin oft* you altogether." 
 
 "You! Tain't in your skin to do it, Ned." 
 
 "Yes, or there's no snakes. I'm here with the best 
 nag at a heat that ever was seed in Hillabee." 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 57 
 
 " Oh, shut up ! Whoro'a the cow ?" 
 
 " She's out in the hushes ; I'll show her, 'when the 
 time comes. They call her ' Graystreak ;' and she does 
 go it like lightning. Now, didn't I hear, from some old 
 buzzard that never found out the value in a horse until 
 he come to he carrion, that Lazy Jake Fisher had some- 
 thing of a nag, with three legs, or more ?" 
 
 " Didn't you hear ? Yes, that you did, Ned Ramsey ; 
 ami there the critter stands ; ' Crazy Kate,' they call 
 her; hut she does her running sensible. There's no 
 crazy in that. She's the mare to strike your ' Gray- 
 streak' all in a heap, and take the shine out of her, or 
 any animal you ever crossed." 
 
 " What !" said the other, following the direction, and 
 with the most contemptuous curl of the lip, and wave of 
 the uplifted whip. "What! you don't mean that poor 
 old hay, yonder, that looks as if she hadn't shed hair, or 
 tasted corn, since the bc^innin^ of the Seminole war ? 
 Why, Jake, the poor beast looks more like lying down 
 on her last legs, and begging a judgment upon her 
 master. You've starved her, Jake, I reckon ; and she 
 only keeps on her legs by the help of her halter. Just 
 you let down the critter's head now, and all natur' 
 couldn't keep her up till you'd half curried her." 
 
 "Say no more, Ned, till the run's over. We always 
 know'd you was a nice person to say hasty things of 
 other men's cattle. If ' Crazy Kate' can't stand, it's 
 because she prefers to run. But we'll go and look at 
 this 'Graystreak' of your'n ; and I'll tell you, when I 
 set eyes on her, what we'll be doing. I didn't know you 
 had such a horse. When did you get her, and whar's 
 she from?" 
 
 " She comes from Mississippi. I traded for her with 
 a man named Myers, that brought her out. But she's 
 to pay for herself, yit; and that's ono reason why I'm 
 greedy for llillabeo. So get ready to shell out hand- 
 some. " 
 
 " Yes, empty the chis^t, Jake ! Go your death on tlio 
 bay mar', old fellow. I don't reckon she'll find her 
 
58 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 match on this ground to-day." So cried one of his 
 neighbors. 
 
 " I reckon you think yourself a judge of horseflesh, 
 Owens?" quietly said Ned Ramsey. 
 
 " I reckon, then, I do. I ought, by this time !" was 
 the answer. 
 
 " Well ! if a man's judgment's worth anything, it's 
 worth what he's got in his pocket." 
 
 "Guess it is; and I'm willing to come down a trifle 
 on Jake's bay mar', though I never seed your critter." 
 
 " That's coming out, like a man. But you shall see 
 her." 
 
 " On sight, on seen, same to me. I'll go all I've got 
 on the bay, whether or no !" 
 
 " That's right ! into him, Charley Owens. He's a 
 suck," cried one of the bystanders. 
 
 "He'll dive, if you shoot," said another. 
 
 " A suck ! Yes ! that's it," responded Ned Ramsey, 
 Very coolly. "Ready for any bait, boys, with a swallow 
 that never refuses. I'll dive too, that's cla'r ; but you 
 may let drive first, and I'll carry off your load if I can. 
 Load for buck, if you please. The larger the shot, the 
 better. Hero's 'Graystreak' agin 'Crazy Kate,' or agin 
 the field. AYho cares '( The nag's got to be paid for. 
 Here's steam agin wind ! I'm wanting money mightily. 
 "Who'll sweat for the sake of charity ? Here he stands; 
 the Georgy railroad agin, besides a line of stages. 
 \\ liar s the passengers i 
 
 "Into him, Charley Owens!" 
 
 "Deep as I can go," said Charley, pulling out a 
 greasy poeketbook, and laying bare its contents ; no 
 great matter; in bills and silver, some nine dollars 
 thirty-seven cents, chiefly Georgia and Carolina cur- 
 rency. It was instantly covered from one of the pockets 
 of Ned Ramsey, who cries out for more customers. 
 
 " But whar's the gray mar' all this time V demanded 
 Lazy Jake. 
 
 "It's a bite!" 
 • "A bite ! It's your bite, then," answered Ramsey, 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 60 
 
 nt tliis outcry. " Yon'vo jaw enough, T reckon, for nny 
 port of Into. Ah for the critter, look out, boys, thoro 
 she comes. Yonder** tho gray; a foal of the hurricane, 
 sir'd hy n streak of lightning. 
 
 " Hurrah for Ned Ramsey; ho can go it!" 
 
 " Graystreak" was now brought uj> by a groom. 
 
 " Thar sho stands, ready to lly. Thar's legs for you, 
 mid a head and nock to make a pretty gal jealous. 
 There's no want of heels whar tho sire was tho light- 
 ning. No want of wind, with the hurricane for a dam I 
 Ain't sho a beauty, .Jake ?" 
 
 " A decent-looking thing enough, hut not a crease 
 to * Crazy Kate' " 
 
 " You say it? Well, chalk up your figure!" 
 
 " ('over that V." 
 
 " Thar it is, and I'm willing to face its brother." 
 
 " It's a go !" cried a huge-handed fellow, who called 
 Jake "uncle," unfolding a greasy bank-note of the same 
 denomination. 
 
 " What tho dickens!" cried another, interposing: 
 "can't 1 have a grab at some .of them pretty pietcrs? 
 I believe in Uncle .lake, too. I've seen 'Crazy Kate's' 
 heels before, at a three-mile stretch, and L'll back her 
 agin a five myself." 
 
 "Will you! — you're a bold fellow," answered Ram- 
 sey, as he began to fish up the contents of his pockets. 
 It seemed low-water mark with him, and his bank-notes 
 began to give place to a curious assortment of commodi- 
 ties, which ho brought up very deliberately, and without 
 any blushing, front the capacious depths of two enor- 
 mous breeches-pockets. There wore knife and gimlet 
 and (ishhook; whistle, button, and tobacco; gun-screw, 
 bottle-stopper, and packthread, and a dozen or more of 
 pea-nuts. It was only here and there that the pieces of 
 money turned up; a quarter eagle, a few Mexicans, and 
 a couple of dollars, in small silver, making their appear- 
 ance somewhat reluctantly, and contrasting oddly enough 
 with the other possessions of our jockey. These were 
 noon brought togothor, und, the sum ascertained, it was 
 
60 
 
 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 quickly covered by friends of Jake Owens, who had a 
 faith in his creature. Owens was quite a knowing one 
 in the estimation of his friends, and so indeed was Ram- 
 sey ; but " Crazy Kate" had shown herself a "buster" 
 and her very logguh appearance led the crowd to expect 
 a great deal from an animal whose own looks promised 
 so little, while her sagacious owner seemed to expect 
 from her so much. Her skin really looked unhealthy; 
 she carried her head low, almost between her legs ; and 
 her eye drooped sadly, as if with a consciousness of the 
 disappointment which she was about to give her friends. 
 Rut all this was regarded as deception by the backers of 
 Uncle Jake. It was known what arts the cunning sports- 
 man employed to disarm the doubts of the gullible : and 
 the matted mane of "Crazy Kate;" the coarse, dis- 
 ordered hair; sorted, rough hide, and sullen carriage, 
 were only regarded as results of a shrewd training and 
 preparation, by which the more completely to take in the 
 " flats." Very different was the appearance of " Gray- 
 streak." She did look like a thing of speed and met- 
 tle. She was clean-limbed and light of form, with a 
 smooth, well-rubbed skin, and such a toss of the head, 
 and such a bright glitter of the eye, that every one saw, 
 at a glance, that her own conceit of her abilities was not 
 a whit less than the conviction of her master in her 
 favor. But this really made against her, in the opinions 
 of the betting portion of the multitude, most of whom 
 had, at one season or other of their lives, been taken in 
 by just such a dowdy-looking beast as that of Lazy Jake 
 Owens. Ramsey relied upon this result, or the appear- 
 ance of " Graystreak" had been less in her favor. 
 
 " I reckon," said Ramsey, looking around him, " that 
 I've hooked all the bait in these diggings." 
 
 'flf you had anything that a chap might kiver," cried 
 a greasy citizen, thrusting himself forward, and holding 
 out a couple of shinplasters, of single dollar denomina- 
 tions. 
 
 " And who says I hain't ?" answered Ramsey, as, with I 
 
hie tennesseean's stohy. Gl 
 
 liis forefinger ami thumb, ho drew from his vest pocket 
 a small supply of similar I O U's. 
 " Well, kiver them!" 
 
 " A short horse is soon curried." 
 " Are you man enough, Ned Ramsey, to curry a long 
 one?" cried one from the crowd, who now pressed for- 
 ward and appeared amid the ring. His prcsenco caused 
 a sensation. It was well calculated to do so. lie was 
 small of person; a lively, dapper-looking person, seem- 
 ingly of gentle birth and of occupations which implied 
 no labor ; — a smooth, pale cheek, and a bright, restless 
 blaek eye. His hair was long, and fell from under a 
 green cloth cap, from which hung a gay green tassel ; 
 and several great rings might be seen upon his fingers. 
 But the rest of his equipment was what fixed every eye. 
 It consisted of a close-fitting jacket, with a short tail 
 like that of a light dragoon, and small-clothes, all of 
 scarlet, after the fashion of an English jockey, and his 
 white-topped boots completed the equipment. The habit 
 had been copied from an English print ; and a good leg, 
 and rather good figure, though petit, had justified, in 
 the eye of vanity, the strange departure from all the 
 customs of the country. 
 
 " It's Captain Jones Barry " says one of the specta- 
 tors, in an under tone, to another who had made some 
 inquiry : " He's rich enough to make any sort of fool 
 of himself, and nobody see the harm of it." At the 
 same moment, it could be seen that Ned Ramsey ex- 
 changed significant looks with the well-dressed stranger, 
 who had been his shadow through the morning, as if 
 disposed to say, " This is our man." 
 
 "I say, Ned Ramsey," cried Barry, " are you man 
 enough to curry a large horse? I've seen your nag ; 
 she's a pretty creature, that's true ; but I know some- 
 thing of Jake Owens's ' Crazy Kate,' and I don't caro 
 if I could put a customer on her heels, against your'n." 
 
 " You don't, eh! well, Squire Barry, you're a huckle- 
 berry above my persimmon, but I reckon something can 
 be done. I believe in * Gray streak,' and will £0 my 
 
62 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 death on her. 'Twon't take much to bury me, that's 
 true; but what thar is — " 
 
 " There! can you roll out against that ?" asked Barry, 
 as he laid a fifty dollar note upon his palm. 
 
 "'Twill go hard to drain me dry, but I ain't to be 
 bluffed, neither ; and though it takes from what I put 
 away to pay for the nag, here's at you!" and the re- 
 quired amount was brought forth ; but this time it came 
 from a side pocket, in the coat of Ramsey, who, it was 
 observed, seemed to find some difficulty in detaching it 
 from its place of security. Lazy Jake Owens was not 
 insensible to this demonstration. It seemed to open to 
 him new views of the case, and he now proceeded to re- 
 examine the strange animal upon which so good a judge 
 as Ned Ramsey had so much to peril. But the new- 
 comer, whom we shall know hereafter as Squire Barry, 
 was not similarly impressed with the proceeding. 
 
 " Too much," said he, " for ' Crazy Kate,' Nod Ram- 
 sey ! I have a nag of my own, as nice a little bit of filly 
 as is on the ground to-day. I reckon you never saw 
 or heard of her. Her name was ' Betsey Wheeler,' a 
 crack marc of this county, and her sire was a New Or- 
 leans horse, whose name I now forget." 
 
 "I know the mar' you^peak of," answered Ramsey, 
 looking up, but without appearing to discover the man 
 Burg, who stood behind Barry, and to whom he had 
 spoken of this same mare an hour before in terms of ex- 
 ceeding admiration. " The mar', ' Betsey -Wheeler,' was 
 famous at a hunt. I can't say for the filly; I don't 
 know that I ever seed her. But you can tell me what 
 about her, Squire V" 
 
 " She's mine, and I believe in her ; I believe in her 
 against your ' Gray streak,' there: that I do!" 
 
 "Well, Squire, you have a right to believe in your 
 nag; she's your own, and you know her. 'Gray- 
 streak's' mine, though not quite paid for yit, and I've a 
 notion that I've a right to believe in her; she's got the 
 heels to believe in. But what's the use of believing 
 when every pictur (bank-note) that you have has got its 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 63 
 
 follow already? If you was to go your belief very 
 Btromji 1 couldn't say a word agin it!" 
 
 " What say you to another fifty?" 
 
 " It's tough, but let's sec your filly; if she's much liko 
 her dam," hesitating. 
 
 " What ! scared, old fellow ?" 
 
 " No ! not exactly skeared, but a little dubous ! I 
 know'd the dam; she was a clean-heeled critter." 
 
 Looking up, he pretended to discover Burg, the for- 
 mer owner of the filly, for the first time. " Ah!" said 
 he, " Burg, you're a keener." Barry looked gratified. 
 He exulted in the notion that he had bluffed the bully ; 
 and Ramsey walked forward, with a side-long air, 
 switching his whip as he went with the manner of a 
 man half discomfited. He was pinned suddenly by Lazy 
 Jake Owens, who had just returned from a reinspection 
 of " Graystreak." 
 
 "Ned," said the latter in a whisper, calling him 
 aside, " I see your game! We've got but three V's on 
 this brush; if you'll let me, I'll take the fence and say 
 quits?" 
 
 " What, hedge ?" said Ramsey; " no you won't !" 
 
 " It's as you please; but, if this bet's to hold, you don't 
 do Jones Barry." 
 
 " You'll not put your spoon into my dish, Jake ?" 
 
 " I won't be dished myself if I can help it." 
 
 " Well ! I'll let you off, if you'll let your nag run. 
 Keep your tongue, and you may keep your V's." 
 
 " It's a bargain — mum's the word !" 
 
 " Do you know this filly, Jake?" said Ramsey, half 
 aloud, as he saw Barry approaching. 
 
 " A nice critter to the eye, but I never seed her run. 
 Her dam was a beauty for a mile stretch or so." 
 
 " There she stands !" cried Barry ; " I'll back her 
 against the field for any man's hundred." 
 
 " I'll take you!" quickly responded the stranger, who 
 was Ramsey's shadow. 
 
 " Who's he ?" inquired Ramsey, in a whisper of Barry 
 himself. 
 
64 AS GOOD AS A comedy: OR, 
 
 " I don't know him at all," answered Barry. " But 
 I reckon he'll show his money." 
 
 "I'm ready to cover, sir," was the remark of the 
 stranger, showing his money just as if he had heard the 
 whispered reply of Barry to Ramsey. The bet was 
 taken down, and the bill covered in the hands of a third 
 person. Ramsey did not linger to behold these pro- 
 ceedings, but occupied himself in a close examination of 
 Barry's filly. The eye of the latter, with an exulta- 
 tion which it could not conceal, beheld the grave expres- 
 sion in that of the jockey. He saw the head of the 
 latter shaken ominously. 
 
 "Isn't she a beauty, Ramsey? I call her the * Fair 
 Geraldine,' after the most beautiful lady in the world." 
 
 " You're right, to pay the filly such a compliment. 
 She's the most sweetest little critter ! Will you sell her, 
 squire?" 
 
 " Sell her; no! not for any man's thousand dollars." 
 
 " You'll not get that, I reckon. But she's got the 
 heels ; that's cla'r ! she'll run !" 
 
 " Will she? well ! Can she do < Graystreak V " 
 
 "N — o ! I don't exactly think she can." 
 
 " You don't ? well ! Can * Graystreak' do her ?" 
 
 "Y T -e-s ! I reckon." 
 
 "Y^ou reckon? well! If such is your reckoning, I sup- 
 pose you're ready to match your mind with your money. 
 What'll you go, on the match?" 
 
 "Well, squire, you see I'm quite clear up. Bating 
 what I've put aside to pay for 'Graystreak,' I don't 
 suppose I've got more than a single Mexican or two. 
 I might raise three, or, ^n>haps, five upon a pinch; but 
 I shouldn't like to £0 more." 
 
 "Be it five, then," said Barry, eagerly; and the seem- 
 ingly reluctant pieces were fished up to the light out of 
 the assorted contents of the deep pockets of the jockey. 
 
 "Now," said Barry, tauntingly ; "what's the value of 
 a horse, if you're afraid to risk on her ? Y'ou say you've 
 got money to pay for ' Graystreak ?' How much did you 
 give for her ?" 
 
the tennesseean's story. 65 
 
 -, squire." 
 
 "Well, I don't care to know; but how much have 
 you made up towards paying?" 
 
 " Well, a matter of seventy-five or eighty dollars left." 
 
 "Which might he a hundred. But whatever it is, Ned 
 Ramsey, I'm clear that if you valued the heels of your 
 horse at all; if, indeed, you were not frightened, you'd 
 see it all covered before you'd be bantered olf the 
 course." 
 
 "Squire, you're a little too hard upon a fellow," was 
 the somewhat deprecating reply. 
 
 44 Oh! it's the turn against you, then, Ramsey," was 
 the retort of Barry. "You had the laugh and banter 
 against everybody before. Well ! you can taste the feel- 
 ing for yourself. Now, if you're a man, I banter you to 
 empty your pockets on the match; every fip down; and 
 I cover it, fip for fip, and eagle for eagle. I'm your 
 man, Ramsey, though you never met with him before." 
 
 It was with the air of the bully, desperate with 
 defeat and savage with his apprehensions, that Ramsey 
 dashed his hands into his bosom, drawing forth, as he 
 replied, a pocketbook which had hitherto been un- 
 shown — 
 
 " I'm not to be bantered by any man, though I lose 
 every picayune I have in the world. I'm a poor man, 
 but, make or break, thar goes. No man shall bluff me 
 off the track, though the horse runs off her legs. Thar, 
 squire, you've pushed me to the edge of the water, and 
 now I'll go my death on the drink. Thar! Count! Ef 
 my figuring ain't out of the way, thar's one hundred 
 and five dollars in that heap !" 
 
 "That's the notch," said a bystander, as the bills 
 were counted. 
 
 "Covered!" cried Barry, with a look of exultation. 
 He had obtained a seeming victory over the cock of the 
 walk. The more sagacious "Lazy Jake Owens," how- 
 ever, muttered to himself, with the desponding air of 
 one who was compelled to acknowledge the genius of 
 the superior : 
 
 6* 
 
€6 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY! OR, 
 
 " A mighty clever chap, that Ned Ramsey, by the 
 hokey ! His mar' is paid for this day, if he never paid 
 for her before." 
 
 Barry, cock-sure of the result, now slapped his pocket- 
 book with the flat of his hand, as he lifted it over his 
 head, and cried to the circle around him: 
 
 "There is more money to be had on this match, 
 gentlemen. Here are a couple of bran new C's (hun- 
 dreds) ready for company. Who covers them against 
 the 'Fair Gcraldine?' " 
 
 The stranger, the distant shadow of Ramsey, again 
 modestly approached with two similar bank-notes al- 
 ready in his hands. The bets were closed. 
 
 "I must find out who that stranger is," muttered 
 Ramsey, in the hearing of Lazy Jake Owens and Barry. 
 The latter did not seem to hear or to attend to him ; 
 but, as he walked away, Lazy Jake whispered to Ram- 
 sey : 
 
 "If so be you ain't pretty well knowing to each other 
 a'ready, Ned." 
 
 The latter simply drew down the corner of his eye, 
 in a way that Lazy Jake understood, and the parties 
 dispersed in search of other associates and objects. The 
 scene we have witnessed was but a sample of that 
 which was in progress, on a smaller scale, perhaps, all 
 over the field. It needs no farther description. 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 67 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 IN WHICH THE FLEETNESS OF HORSES, AND THE CAFRICES 
 OF WOMEN, ARE EQUALLY CONSIDERED. 
 
 We left our two sworn friends on the road, rushing 
 forward, at a pleasant canter, for the race-course. They 
 were within a mile of it, when they were joined hy ono 
 who came forth suddenly from a private avenue through 
 the woods, which conducted to his homestead. The 
 parties at once recognized each other as old acquaint- 
 ances. /The stranger was a good-looking person of thir- 
 ty ; not "exactly one whom we should call a gentleman, 
 hut a frank, hearty, dashing, good companion, such as 
 one likes to encounter at muster-ground or hunting-club. 
 He was simply dressed in the habits of the country ; 
 not those of the plain farmer, nor those of the profes- 
 sional man. A loose, open hunting-shirt of blue home- 
 spun, with a white fringe, was not considered a habit too 
 picturesque for the region, and it sat becomingly upon 
 the large frame, and corresponded with the easy and 
 not ungraceful carriage of the wearer. Tom Nettles 
 was a character, but not an obtrusive one; a man, and 
 not a caricature. He loved fun, but it came to him 
 naturally ; was something of a practical joker, but his 
 merriment seldom left a wound behind it; his eyes were 
 always brightening, as if anticipating a good thing, and 
 they did not lose this expression even on serious occa- 
 sions. Tom Nettles was much more likely to go into a 
 fight with a grin on his visage than with any more ap- 
 propriate countenance. But let him speak for himself. 
 " Good morning, Miles ; good morning, Hammond ; 
 you're on the road something late, arc you not ?" 
 
 His salutation was answered in similar manner, and 
 Hammond replied to his inquiry : 
 
68 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 " Something late? No! We are soon enough, I 
 fancy." 
 
 "Quite soon enough for the race," said the other; 
 "hut Jones Barry rode hy my house two hours ago, and 
 stopped long enough to tell me that he was to he on the 
 ground early to see Miss Geraldine Foster. lie said 
 you had hoth made the same promise, and he was hent to 
 have the start of you. He seems to think it a rule in 
 love matters, as in a barber-shop, first come first served, 
 and the first comer always the hest customer." Randall 
 Hammond smiled, but said nothing; while Miles Hen- 
 derson, taking out his watch, looked a little anxious as 
 he remarked : 
 
 " We are later than I thought for." 
 
 " Soon enough, Miles," said Hammond, assuringly. 
 Kettles continued: — 
 
 " But you should see the figure Barry has made of 
 himself. He's dressed, from head to foot, in scarlet, and 
 pretends that it's the right dress for a man that means 
 to run his own horse. He says it's the dress of one of 
 the English noblemen — I forget his name — who has 
 grown famous on the turf. He owns, you know, that 
 clever little filly of ' Betsey Wheeler,' that belonged to 
 Burg Fisher. The dam was a good thing, and the filly 
 promises to be something more, if Barry don't spoil her 
 with his notions; and he's full of them. He means to 
 run the filly to-day, and has christened her the ' Fair 
 Geraldine,' after a young lady you know, both of you, 
 I reckon. But, though he may get the lady, if he's not 
 wide awake he'll be chiselled in the race; for Ned Ram- 
 sey is out, with his eye set for game, and he's too old a 
 hand at the game not to do a young, foolish fellow like 
 Jones Barry, with mighty little trouble." 
 
 The friends allowed their companion to talk. He was 
 a person to use the privilege. They interposed a "no" 
 or "yes," at intervals, and this perfectly satisfied him. 
 Hammond, meanwhile, was good-humored in his replies, 
 and quite at his ease. It was not so with Henderson. 
 lie referred to his watch repeatedly, and more than 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 69 
 
 once made a movement for going forwards at a pace 
 more rapid than that into which they had fallen after 
 Nettles had joined them. But his companions, on the 
 contrary, seemed both equally determined not to second 
 the movement. They hung back, and Hammond point- 
 edly said — 
 
 " Don't hurry, Miles. This good little fellow, Barry, 
 attaches so much importance to his being first in the 
 field, that it would be cruel to disturb his prospects." 
 
 Nettles smiled. lie understood the speaker, and knew 
 equally well his character and that of his companion. 
 
 " If being in a hurry," said he, " would win a lady, 
 then Barry's the boy for conquest. But there's the 
 mistake. It's my notion that it's the last comer that's 
 most likely to do the safe business, and not the first. A 
 young girl likes to look about her. She soon gets used 
 to one face and the talk of one man, and likes a change 
 that's something new. I wouldn't be too late; I wouldn't 
 Htay oil' till the very last hour; and I'd always be near 
 enough to be seen and heard of now and then ; nay, I'd 
 like to be caught sometimes looking in the direction of 
 the lady ; but then I'd make it a rule never to bo too 
 soon or too frequent. It's most important of all things 
 that a man shouldn't be too cheap. Better the girl 
 should say, * I wonder why he don't come,' than 'I won- 
 der why he does.' " 
 
 Our philosopher of the piny woods might have gone 
 on for a much longer stretch, had he not been inter- 
 rupted by an event that gave a new direction to the 
 party. They had reached a bend in the road which 
 gave them glimpses of another which made a junction 
 with it, and not fifty yards off they discovered the car- 
 riage of Mrs. Foster coming directly towards them. 
 They at once joined it and made their respects, Miles 
 Henderson taking the lead, and Hammond and Nettles 
 more slowly following at his heels. 
 
 The party of Mrs. Foster consisted of that lady her- 
 self, her step-daughter, Miss Geraldino Foster, and her 
 niece, Sophia Blane, a girl of twelve. Mrs. Foster was 
 
YO AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 an ill-bred, pretentious woman, who had succeeded the 
 mother of Gcraldinc in the affections of her father, at a 
 time when his feeble health and the impaired condition 
 of his intellect rendered him too anxious for a nurse to 
 be too scrupulous about a companion, lie had raised 
 her from an humble condition to one which she was ill 
 calculated to fill ; and, with the ambition to be some- 
 body, she determined to carry her point by audacity 
 rather than by artj She was a bold, forward beauty in 
 her youth ; was a bolder woman now, still pleasing in 
 her face, but no longer a beauty ; a woman given to 
 petty scandals, and satisfied with petty triumphs; en- 
 vious of the superior, malicious where opposed, and in- 
 solent when submitted to. /What was defective or cen- 
 surable in the manners of her step-daughter was clearly 
 referable to the evil influence of this woman, and the 
 doubtful training of the distant boarding-school to which 
 she had been confided at a very early period of her life. 
 That she was not wholly spoiled by these unfavorable 
 influences, was due wholly to the native excellence of 
 her mind and hcart\ She was a passionate, self-willed 
 damsel ; not easily rendered submissive in conflict ; ca- 
 pricious in her tastes, yet tenacious of her objects; 
 delighting in the exercise of power, without any definite 
 idea of its uses or value'; and by no means insensible to 
 those personal charms which, indeed, were beyond all 
 question, even of the hostile and the jealous. But, in 
 opposition to these evil characteristics, she was magnani- 
 mous and generous ; her heart was peculiarly susceptible 
 to treatment and impressions of kindness. If her tastes 
 were capricious, they at least were always directed to 
 objects which were delicate and noble ; if she was pas- 
 sionate, it was when roused by sense of wrong or sup- 
 posed injustice ; if she was slow to submit in conflict, she 
 was never long satisfied with a victory, which a calmer 
 judgment taught her was undeservedly won, and slio 
 knew how to restore the laurels which she had usurped, 
 with a grace and a sweetness that amply compensated 
 the injustice. Her mind was vigorous and active, and 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 71 
 
 this led to her frequent errors ; for it was »a mind un- 
 trained, and steadfast and tenacious of a cause which, it 
 was yet to discover, was not that of truth and justice. 
 [^She was a creature, indeed, of many contradictions; a 
 wild, high-souled, spiritual, but capricious creature; the 
 very ardor of whose temperament led her into tumultuous 
 sports of fancy, such as only shock beyond forgiveness 
 the staid and formal being to whom there is but one 
 God, -whose name is Fashion; but one law, the record of 
 which is found only in what my neighbor thinks. 
 
 Randal] Hammond was by no means insensible to her 
 faults; but he ascribed them to the proper cause. lie 
 felt that she was a character ; but a character which 
 could be shaped, by able hands, into that of a noble 
 woman and a faithful wife. lie looked upon her with 
 eyes of such admiration as the Arabian casts upon the 
 Splendid colt of the desert, whom he knows, once sub- 
 dued by his art, he can manage with a whisper or a 
 silken cord.l But he strove — as earnestly as the Arab 
 who conceals his purposes, and scarcely suffers the ani- 
 mal whom he would fetter to sec the direct purpose in 
 his eye — to keep his secret soul-hidden from the object 
 of his admiration. lie was not unwilling that she should 
 sec that she had awakened in his bosom an interest, a 
 curiosity, at least, which brought him not unfrequcntly 
 to her presence, but he strove, with all the success of a 
 man who has a will sufficiently strong to subdue and 
 restrain his passions, to guard his eyes and his tongue 
 so that the depth of his emotions could not easily, or 
 at all, be fathomed. It is sufficient here to say that 
 Geraldine Foster was not insensible to his superiority. 
 She had very soon learned to distinguish and to dis- 
 criminate between her several suitors ; but the bearing 
 of Hammond, though studiously respectful, in some de- 
 gree piqued her pride. If a suitor, he was not a ser- 
 vant. If he spoke to her earnestly, it was the woman, 
 and not the angel he addressed. This reserve seemed 
 to betray a caution which no maiden likes to detect in 
 the approaches of her lover, and seemed to imply a de- 
 
72 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 ficiency of that necessary ardency and warmth which 
 was, in truth, the very last want which could be charged 
 upon this gentleman. Mrs. Foster first insinuated this 
 doubt into the bosom of her step-daughter, and the feel- 
 ing of the consciously underbred woman made her stu- 
 dious in keeping up the suspicion. She was not satis- 
 ficd with the superior rank of Hammond's family; was 
 mortified at the coldness and distance of his mother, 
 whom she well knew to have been intimate with the first 
 wife of Mr. Foster; and, though the peculiarly respect- 
 ful deportment of Hammond himself left her entirely 
 without occasion for complaint, the very rigor of his 
 carriage, the studious civility of his deportment, by re- 
 straining her freedom with his own, was a check upon 
 that vulgar nature which is never satisfied till it can 
 subdue the superior nature to its own standards. Mrs. 
 Foster could say nothing against Randall Hammond ; 
 but she could not conceal her preference for all other 
 suitors. Miles Henderson was decidedly a favorite; but 
 there was a charm in the idea that Barry's fortune could 
 positively "buy the Hammonds out and out," that in- 
 clined the scale of her judgment greatly in behalf of the 
 latter. But we are at the course, the horses are taken 
 from the carriage, the three young men are in attend- 
 ance, and Barry is approaching. 
 
 "Dear me, Captain Barry," exclaimed Mrs. Foster, 
 "how splendidly you arc dressed !" 
 
 "Is that your uniform in the militia, Captain Barry ?" 
 was the demand of Geraldine. 
 
 " They'd set him up for a scarecrow, if it was," said 
 Nettles ; " and he'd have to treat as long as the liquor 
 lasted, before they'd let him down." 
 
 " hush, Nettles; you're always with your joke at 
 everything and everybody. I wonder what there is in 
 my clothes for you to laugh at?" 
 
 "Not much, I grant you, while you're in 'em," was 
 the reply. " But answer Miss Foster. She wants to 
 know what uniform it is you've got on." 
 
 "Oh! it's no uniform, Miss Geraldine. This is the 
 
THIS TKNNT.SSKKAN's ST011Y. 73 
 
 exact suit wont by the Karl ol' Tuthum, at the last Don- 
 castor races." 
 
 "You don't say that tho Earl of Totham sent you 
 his old clothes?" responded Nettles. 
 
 "No! no !" said Mrs. Foster. "I understand. Cap- 
 tain Barry has adopted a dress like that which tho Earl 
 of Totham wore at tho Doncastor races. Well ! I. don't 
 sec what there is to laugh at in a costume borrowed from 
 the best nobility of Europe." 
 
 "But who is tho Karl of Totham?" demanded Ham- 
 mond. " 1 know of no such title in the English peer- 
 age" 
 
 "No? liut it may be in the Scotch, or Irish," said 
 Mrs. Foster, anxiously. 
 
 " No. It belongs to neither, liut it makes no great 
 matter. "We are in a free country, Captain Barry, and 
 can wear what garments wc please, in spite of tho Eng- 
 lish peerage." 
 
 " Ay, and in spite of our neighbors, too, Captain 
 Barry," said Gcraldine. 
 
 " Yes, indeed!" exclaimed Mrs. Foster, exultingly. 
 44 There's many of those who decry the fine equipments 
 of superior fortune, who would give half their lives to 
 enjoy them. Now 1 think, however strange it appears 
 to our eyes, that this costume of the Eari of — what's his 
 name?" 
 
 " Tote-Hum ! I think," said Nettles, with a smirk; 
 punning, with a vulgar accent, upon the first syllable. 
 Tote, among the uneducated classes of the South, means 
 "to carry." 
 
 " Toteham !" continued Mrs. Foster, innocently. 
 " Well, I repeat, this beautiful costume of the Earl of 
 Toteham appears particularly adapted to the use of gen- 
 tlemen who are fond of field sports." 
 
 Tho eye of Barry brightened. Ho looked his grati- 
 tude. 
 
 44 I agreo with you, Mrs. Foster," answered Nettles; 
 " the red would not sufl'er from an occasional roll among 
 the soft crimson mire of our own clay hills ; and as our 
 7 
 
74 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY : OR, 
 
 sporting gentlemen drink deep usually before they leave 
 the turf, the prospect is that they become deeply ac- 
 quainted with the color of the hills before they reach 
 home." 
 
 "0, Mr. Nettles!" exclaimed the maternal lady. 
 
 " Nor is the advantage -wholly in the color," con- 
 tinued Nettles, with great gravity. "The cut of the 
 coat is particularly calculated to show off the fine person 
 of the wearer. The absence of all skirt is favorable to 
 the horseman; though I confess myself at a loss to guess 
 what use to make of that little pigeon-tail dependence 
 in the rear. I can scarcely suppose it meant to be orna- 
 mental." 
 
 All eyes followed the direction thus given them, and 
 one of Barry's own hands involuntarily clutched the 
 little puckered peak which stuck out in the most comical 
 fashion above his hips. Barry began to suspect that he 
 was laughed at, and Mrs. Foster interposed, to change 
 the subject. 
 
 " You mean to run your horse and ride him 3'our- 
 self, Captain Barry ?" 
 
 "That I do, Mrs. Foster; I have pretty nigh five 
 hundred on his heels, and I'll trust to no rider but my- 
 self." J 
 
 "Well, that's right; that's what I call manly," 
 said Mrs. Foster. 
 
 " You have certainly a very beautiful creature, Cap- 
 tain Barry," was the remark of Geraldine, turning from 
 a somewhat subdued conversation with Henderson, to 
 which Hammond was an almost silent partner. " You 
 gentlemen," continued the fair girl, " are to teach me 
 how I am to bet. That is, you are to give me your 
 opinions, which I shall follow as I choose. See, I have 
 a world of ribbons here, and am prepared to wear all 
 colors. Who has the best horses, and how many are 
 there to run?" 
 
 " You hear of one, certainly, Miss Foster," said Net- 
 tles. 
 
the tennesseean's story. 75 
 
 "Yes! and certainly Captain Barry rides a very 
 beautiful creature." 
 
 " She has the legs of an angel," said Barry. 
 
 " Better if she had its wings, I should think," -was the 
 immediate remark of Geraldine. 
 
 " Very good, very excellent, Miss Geraldine ; cer- 
 tainly, for a race, the wings of an angel might be of 
 more service than its legs. But she will scarcely need 
 them. Her legs will answer." 
 
 " Should she lose, Barry, you'll have to change her 
 name. Do you know the name of this beautiful crea- 
 ture?" — To Miss Foster. She answered quietly — 
 
 " 0, yes ! 1 have heard how greatly I am honored ; 
 and, in truth, I shall feel quite unhappy if she does not 
 win. I must certainly, at all hazards, bet upon my 
 namesake." 
 
 u You may do it boldly!" said Barry, with confi- 
 dence ; " I'll insure your losses." 
 
 "Who'll insure you, Barry? Your chances will de- 
 pend upon what takes the field !" quoth Nettles. 
 
 " Do you know the mare of Lazy Jake Owens, that 
 they call < Crazy Kate?' " 
 
 "I do! your filly can trip her heels." 
 
 " I know that ! my ' Glaucus' shall do that. He's 
 here, and will be ridden by little Sam Perkins. Well ! 
 here's, besides, Vose's 'Grayshaft.'" 
 
 ' k Pretty good at a quarter, but — " 
 
 "And Biggar's filly, 'Estella.'" 
 
 " Her dam, ' May Queen ;' sire, ' Barcombe ;' a good 
 thing, but wanting bottom." 
 
 " Joe Balch's ' Nabob,' Zeph. Stokes's ' Keener,' and 
 ' Flourish,' a gambol-looking nag from Augusta, or there- 
 abouts." 
 
 " I know them all except the last. The l Fair Geral- 
 dine' ought to give them all the wind." 
 
 " She'll do it !" 
 
 "But these arc not all the horses out, surely?" 
 
 " No ! there's another animal, that Ned Ramsey 
 claims. I never saw her before, and don't think a great 
 
76 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 deal of her now ; they call her ' Graystreak;' she comes 
 from Mississippi. I bluffed Ramsey so tightly that T 
 almost scared him off the hill ; but I brought him to the 
 scratch, and I have covered for him to the tune of a hun- 
 dred and more on the match between ' Graystreak' and 
 'Geraldine;' besides something like half the amount on 
 Lazy Jake's mare against * Graystreak.' " 
 "And wherc's this ' Graystreak':' " 
 The animal was only at a. little distance. The pro- 
 prietor, the renowned Ned Ramsey, was busy, at the 
 moment, in preparing her for the course. The eyes of 
 the party were directed to the beautiful creature in ad- 
 miration. She shipped to the sun finely, as if clad in 
 velvet. Her clean limbs, wiry and slender ; the spirit in 
 her eye, and the airy life in all her action, at once fixed 
 the regards of so good a judge as Nettles. Nor was 
 Randall Hammond indifferent to the beauty of her form, 
 and the promise in her limbs. 
 
 "This fool and his money have parted !" said Nettles, 
 in a whisper to Hammond. " Your horse is the only one 
 that can take the legs from this filly, and it would give 
 him trouble !" 
 
 The answer of Hammond was unheard, as they reap- 
 proached the carriage where the ladies sat. 
 
 "Well, gentlemen !" said Geraldine, impatiently; "I 
 am eager to be busy. Come, let me have your judgment. 
 What horse shall 1 adopt as my favorite?" 
 
 "Are you not fairly committed to your namesake?" 
 asked Hammond, witli a quiet manner ; his eye, how- 
 ever, looking deeply into hers. She answered the gaze 
 by dropping hers ; replying quickly, as she did so :— 
 
 "No, indeed! the compliment to me must not be 
 made to lose my money or discredit my judgment. For 
 sure, Captain Carry himself has no such design to injure 
 me. But I do faney the beauty of his horse, and if you 
 think her fleet, Mr. Hammond — " 
 * She paused : — 
 
 " The ' Fair Geraldine' is doubtless a very fleet, as she 
 is a verv beautiful creature!" 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 77 
 
 "But," said Nettles, finding that Hammond hesi- 
 tated, " that strange mare you sec yonder undressing, 
 is sure to beat her." 
 
 " Sure to beat her !" exclaimed Barry, who drew nigh 
 in season to hear the last words. "What'll you ao on 
 the word?" J h 
 
 "Horse, house, lands, ox, ass, and everything that is 
 mine!" 
 
 "Nay, nay ! to the point ; look to your pockctbook !" 
 
 " Well, if you will have it, we'll say a hundred on 
 the match ; < Graystreak' against any horse in the field, 
 unless Hammond runs his 'Ferraunt,' and then < Fer- 
 raunt' against the field !" 
 
 " 'Ferraunt!' " said Barry; "what, the large iron 
 gray he rides. Why, he came on him!" looking to 
 Hammond inquiringly. The latter had yielded his horse 
 to his groom, and was now sitting on the box of the 
 carriage, the driver being withdrawn to look after his 
 horses. "Ferraunt" was already groomed, and resting 
 in the shade at a little distance under the charge of the 
 servant. The finger of Nettles pointed where he stood. 
 The eye of Geraldine at once followed the direction of 
 his finger, and while Barry and Nettles arranged their 
 stakes, and withdrew to look at " Ferraunt," a short 
 dialogue, not without its interest, took place between 
 herself and Hammond. 
 
 " Is your horse so very fleet, Mr. Hammond, as Mr. 
 Nettles says he is?" 
 
 " lie has the reputation of being a very fast horse, 
 Miss Foster; indeed, he is probably the fastest on the 
 ground." 
 
 " Well; you mean to run him, of course?" 
 
 " Why of course ?" 
 
 *' Oh, why not ? To own a race-horse, indeed, seems 
 to imply racing. What is the use of him otherwise?" 
 
 "One may love to look at a beautiful animal with- 
 out seeking always to test his speed; at all events, 
 without seeking to game with it." 
 
 7* 
 
78 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 " To game ! Is not that a harsh expression, Mr. 
 Hammond?" ' 
 
 " Perhaps it is, since gentlemen have not often the 
 motive of gain when they engage in this amusement. It 
 is as a noble and beautiful exercise of a beautiful animal 
 that they practise this recreation, and not for its profits." 
 " Well ; and you could have no eye to the gains, 
 Mr. Hammond?" 
 
 " No. But how small is the proportion of gentlemen, 
 governed by such principles, to those who usually col- 
 lect at a scene and on an occasion like this ! What a 
 greedy appetite for gain does it provoke among thousands 
 who have no other object, and find no pleasure in the 
 exquisite picture of the scene — in the glorious conflict 
 of rival blood and temperament — in the wild grace of 
 the motion of the steeds — in all that elevates it momen- 
 tarily into something of the dignity of a field of battle; 
 who think only of the wretched results which are to 
 fill or empty their pockets. And of those, very few 
 can afford to win or lose. If they win, they acquire 
 certain appetites from success, which usually end in 
 their ruin ; and if they lose — though more fortunnte in 
 doing so, as they are probably made disgusted with the 
 pursuit — they yet rob their families of absolute neces- 
 saries, in this miserable search after a diseased luxury 
 for themselves." 
 
 " I confess I am no philosopher, Mr. Ilnmmond. I 
 don't see tilings in the same light with yourself, and 
 can scarcely believe in such dreadful consequences from 
 a spoctncle that is really so fine and beautiful." 
 
 " < >h," said Mrs. Foster, interposing, snobringly; " oh, 
 Mr. Hammond, you get all those queer notions from 
 your mother." 
 
 •• You will permit me to respect the woman of my 
 opinions, Mrs. Foster?" with a respectful but measured 
 bow. 
 
 "Oh, surely. She's an excellent woman, and I re- 
 • spect her very much ; but her notions on thi« subject 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 70 
 
 are very peculiar, I think ; though, in her case, natural 
 enough." 
 
 This was said with a degree of significance which did 
 not suffer Hammond to misunderstand the speaker. His 
 face was instantly and deeply suffused with crimson, as 
 he felt the allusion to the fate of his father. I lis head 
 was, for the moment, averted from the speaker. In 
 that moment, the malicious woman whispered to her step- 
 daughter, " At him again. I know where the shoe 
 pinches." 
 
 A slight expression of scorn might have been seen to 
 curl the lips of Geraldine. A pause ensued, which was 
 at length broken by Hammond, who drew her attention 
 to a showy procession of the pied horses, the calico 
 steeds of the circus company. Some comment followed 
 on the performances of the troupe, when the young lady, 
 in the most insinuating manner, resumed, with Hammond, 
 the subject of his own horse. 
 
 " But, Mr. Hammond, though you inveigh against 
 racing as a practice, you can have no objection to run- 
 ning your horse, upon occasions, once in away, as much 
 for the satisfaction of your friends as with any other 
 object. Now, I am quite pleased with your dark-look- 
 ing steed. What do you call him?'' 
 
 " 'Fcrraunt.' " 
 
 " Ah ! his name indicates his color. He seems to me 
 a military horse." 
 
 " I got him chiefly as a charger." 
 
 " Oil, yes; I forgot; you arc a colonel of militia. 
 But, for a charger, you need an animal at once high- 
 spirited and gentle." 
 
 "He is both. That, indeed, Miss Foster, is the cha- 
 ' racter of all high-blooded animals. The rule holds good I 
 among men. The most gentle are generally the most \ 
 high-spirited — at once the most patient and the most . 
 enthusiastic. The race-horse, next to the mule, makes 
 the best plough-horse." 
 
 " But that is surely a contradiction : the mule being 
 the most dogged, stubborn, slow — " 
 
80 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 " He need not be slow. He is only slow when broken 
 and trained by a drowsy negro. But, though it seems 
 a contradiction, as you say, to employ animals so utterly 
 unlike for the same purposes, and to find them nearly 
 equally good, it is one that we may, and perhaps must 
 reconcile, on the principle that finds a sympathy in ex- 
 tremes." 
 
 " Mr. Hammond, it seems to me that alljhis is per- 
 versely intended to divert me from my object." A 
 plnyful smile and arch manner accompanied this remark 
 of the young lady. " But I am as perversely resolved 
 that you shall not escape. Now, then, let me hear from 
 you. Do you not intend that ' Ferraunt' shall run to- 
 day?" 
 
 " I really do not, Miss Foster. I came out with no 
 such purpose." 
 
 "I'm ready for you, colonel," was the remark of 
 Jones Barry, who had just that moment reappeared 
 with Nettles. " I'm not afraid of your ' Ferraunt,' 
 though Nettles tells me he's good against all this crowd. 
 I'm willing to try him. I don't believe in your foreign 
 horses, when they come to this country ; the climate 
 don't seem to suit 'em. They're always sure to be beat 
 by the natives ; and, after the first talk on their arrival, 
 you never hear anything said in their favor, and you 
 never see anything they do. Now, your ' Ferraunt' 
 comes of good stock, but he's awkward — " 
 
 " Awkward!" said Nettles; u ah! Barry, if you could 
 only dance as well." 
 
 " Well, I'm willing to sec him dance ; and, if Col. 
 Hammond chooses, I'll go a cool hundred on the 'Fair 
 Geraldine' against him. There's a banter for you." 
 " 1 won't run my horse, Mr. Barry." 
 "What, bluffed off so soon V" said Barry, coarsely. 
 " Call it what you will, Mr. Barry ; 1 don't run 
 horses." 
 
 " But, Mr. Hammond, if you are content to underlie 
 his challenge, you surely will not be so uncourteous 
 as to refuse mine. The ' Fair Geraldine' against 4 Fer- 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 81 
 
 raunt,' for a pair of glove?. T must maintain the reputa- 
 tion of my namesake." 
 
 44 The 4 Fair Geraldine' must excuse me, if my cour- 
 tesy will not suffer me to accept her challenge." 
 44 What ! you pretend that your horse must beat ?" 
 " I know it, Miss Foster." 
 
 " And what if I say that T don't believe a word of 
 it ? that I equally know that the ' Fair Geraldine' is the 
 fastest horse ? and I defy you to the trial ? There, sir, 
 my glove against yours." 
 
 This was all sweetly, if not saucily said. The eyes 
 of Hammond were fixed gratefully upon the speaker; 
 but he shook his head. 
 
 " You must forgive me, if I decline the trial in the 
 case of my horse. But, if you will permit me, I cheer- 
 fully peril my glove against your favorite in behalf of 
 4 Graystreak,' yonder." 
 
 44 No, no, sir ; your horse, your 4 Fen-aunt.' " 
 44 You can't refuse, colonel," said Barry. 
 44 No, Randall!" said Henderson. 
 44 Impossible !" cried Nettles; who was anxious to see 
 4 Ferraunt' take the field." 
 
 44 A lady's challenge!" cried Mrs. Foster; " chivalry 
 forbids that you refuse." 
 
 44 1 am compelled to do so, Miss Foster. It would 
 give me pleasure to comply with your wishes, but I never 
 run my horse, oV any horse ; I never engage as a prin- 
 cipal in racing of any kind." 
 
 Nettles and Henderson both drew Hammond aside to 
 argue the matter with him. They were followed by 
 Barry, who was in turn followed by the jockey, Ramsey. 
 Nettles had his arguments, which were urged in vain ; 
 and, when Henderson dwelt on the claims of the lady, 
 Hammond replied, somewhat reproachfully: 
 
 44 You know, Miles, that I shouldn't run a horse, were 
 all the fair women in the world to plead." 
 
 44 "Well," said Barry, 44 what a man won't do for 
 pleading, he may do for bantering. I'm here for that, 
 
82 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 colonel, and I'll double upon the hundred against your 
 foreign horse." 
 
 " I must decline, Mr. Barry ; I'm no racer, and will 
 not run my horse ; but, let me assure you, sir, that your 
 marc, though a very clever thing, could not hold her 
 ground for a moment against him." 
 
 " Easy bragging," said ltamsey, with a chuckle, 
 " when there's no betting." 
 
 "And as easy to lay a horsewhip over a ruffian's 
 shoulder, sir, when he presumes where he has no busi- 
 ness." 
 
 Ramsey disappeared in an instant ; a roll of the drum 
 followed, giving notice of the approaching struggle ; 
 and the desire to sec "Ferraunt" on the ground, gave 
 place, among the few, to the more immediate interest 
 which belonged to the known competitors. Barry in- 
 stantly hurried off* to his groom and stable ; Nettles 
 sauntered away to the starting-post, while Henderson 
 and Hammond returned to the carriage. The latter 
 felt that the manner of Gcraldinc was changed. Her 
 eye met his, but there was a coldness in the glance, 
 which his instinct readily perceived ; but, true to his 
 policy, he suffered it to pass unnoticed ; was respectful 
 without being anxious, and attentive without showing 
 too much solicitude. 
 
 " You" said Gcraldinc to Henderson, "you, too, I 
 am told, ride a fine and licet horse; do you not intend to 
 run him V* 
 
 " If Miss Foster desires it." 
 
 " Of course I desire it ! What do you call your 
 horse V" 
 "Sorella!" 
 
 " Sorella ! a pretty name. Well, how docs she run ? 
 Is she fleeter than my namesake?" 
 "What say you, Randall?" 
 
 " Oh, don't ask him ! He will say nothing that'll please 
 anybody. What's your opinion?" 
 
 4k That < Sorella' is too much for the < Fair Gcraldinc !' " 
 " I'll not believe it ; and I transfer to you the dial- 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 83 
 
 lcngc that your friend scorned, or feared to take up. 
 Which was it, Col. Hammond?" 
 
 "Let us suppose feared. Miss Foster!" replied Ham- 
 mond, gently, and with a pleasant smile. 
 
 " I don't know what to make of you, Col. Hammond. 
 I wish I could make something of you. But I despair ; 
 I'll try no longer !" 
 
 " That you should have even tried, Miss Foster, is a 
 satisfaction to my vanity." 
 
 " Oh, don't indulge it. It was not to give you any 
 pleasure, I assure you, that I thought to try at all ; only 
 to please my fancy, and — " 
 
 " Still, I am gratified that I should, in any way, have 
 contrihutcd to this object." 
 
 "Nay! you are presuming; you torture everything I 
 say into a compliment to yourself. But, hear me ! if you 
 won't run your horse yourself, let me run him. I'll 
 ride him. I'm not afraid. I'm ambitious now of taking 
 the purse from the whole field, and snapping my fingers 
 at their Crazy Kates and Graystrcaks, and even their 
 Geraldines. Geraldine against Geraldine. How will 
 Mr. Barry like it, I wonder ; and that, too, at the cost 
 of his hundreds. Cool hundreds, I think, he calls them ; 
 cool, I supposc,'from being separated from their compan- 
 ions. AVcll ! will you let me ride your ' Fen-aunt ?' ' 
 
 " If you will suifer me to place him at your service 
 when at home, Miss Foster!" 
 
 4k No, no ! I want a /v/cc-horse, not a saddle-horse ; I 
 want him here, not at home. Don't suppose I'm afraid 
 to run him. I'm as good a rider, I know, as almost 
 any on the ground, and — But say ! shall I have him ?" 
 
 " I dare not, Miss Foster; for your own sake, I dare 
 not. But I feel that you are jesting only — " 
 
 " No, indeed ! I'm as serious as I ever was. I don't 
 know what you mean when you say you dare not, unless, 
 indeed, you think — " 
 
 " Oh I don't ask Col. Hammond any favors, my child, 
 he's so full of notions !" the step-mother again interposed, 
 maliciously. Geraldine threw herself back in the car- 
 
84 A8 GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 riago with an air of pique, and Henderson looked at 
 his friend commiseratingly, as if to say : " You've done 
 for yourself, forever !" The other seemed unmoved, 
 however, and preserved the utmost equanimity. There 
 was another roll of the drum ; at this signal, Henderson 
 held up a blue ribbon to Miss Foster, who drew from her 
 reticule a crimson cockade with which the ingenious Mr. 
 Jones Barry had provided her. This she fastened to her 
 shoulder, acknowledging her sympathy with the colors 
 of her namesake. Henderson, in another moment, disap- 
 peared, glad to have an excuse, in the commands of the 
 lady, for showing oft* to advantage his equally fine horse 
 and person. 
 
THIS TENNESSISKAN'S STORY. 85 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 THE HACK. — CROSS l'Ultl'OSKS. 
 
 Our preliminaries arc all adjusted, and the moment 
 approaches for the conflict. Tin* eyes of nil arc now 
 directed to the central point From which, at the tap of 
 the drum, the contending horses arc to start. The card- 
 players desert their log beneath the shade-trees, the 
 greasy pack being thrust into the pocket of one of the 
 company till the more immediate object of interest is 
 ever. The rifle-shooters lean their implements against 
 a tree, and seek the common point of attraction. The 
 cooks leave their sccthing-vcssels ; the negroes hurry 
 from their horses; all parties, high and low, big and 
 little, crowd upon the track, pressing upon the ropes that 
 guard the little space assigned to the running animals, 
 and crowding absolutely upon their heels. The scenes 
 that wc have witnessed, in a few Striking instances 
 already, are in progress on a smaller scale every where. 
 Uets are freely offered and taken, now that the horses 
 are uncovered and in sight. The first animal that stripped 
 for the examination of the judges, was a largo horse of 
 Jones Harry's, called " Glaueus," a great-limbed beast, 
 that promised much more endurance than speed, and yet 
 had the look of being too heavy to endure his own 
 weight beyond a reasonable distance. His chances lay 
 in the fact that the race in which he was to run was but 
 a single mile, and his legs were quite sullicient for that. 
 Yet M (Jlaucus" did not seem much of a favorite. 
 44 An elephant!" cried one. 
 
 4k Looks more like a gin-horse than a race-horse," said 
 another. 
 
 ** No ;:<>," Hui'l a third. 
 8 
 
86 as aooD as a comedy: or, 
 
 " Slow go," at least, quoth Tom Nettles, addressing 
 Barry himself. 
 
 " Not so slow either; sure, rather." 
 
 " Yes, of the dust from other heels, if not of his own. 
 I'll take ' Crazy Kate' against ' Glaucus' for a five, 
 Barry ; and the Mississippi mare against him two to 
 one; say ten to five." 
 
 " I'm not to be bluffed, Nettles. I'm your man !" 
 
 " Grayshaft," a neat little creature of Dick Yose's, 
 next vaulted into the space, and underwent the usual 
 peeling. Light-limbed, clean-legged, and with a good 
 glossy skin, " Grayshaft" won a good many favoring 
 voices. "Estella," a filly of Ralph Biggar's; "Nabob," 
 " Keener," and "Flourish," were severally brought for- 
 ward, and had their backers. Each of them had some 
 points to commend them. Some told in length and 
 ease of legs ; some in good muscle, in general carriage, 
 in beauty of shape, in eye, head, and other charac- 
 teristics. But the expression of admiration was much 
 more decided, among the multitude, when " Crazy Kate" 
 made her appearance in the space. Now k " Crazy 
 Kate" was remarkable for showing nothing calculated 
 to persuade the casual spectator into a belief in her 
 lleetness. She was, in truth, a very vulgar-looking beast, 
 singularly unmeriting the appellation of " Crazy," as 
 no creature could possibly have looked more tame. 1 ler 
 hair was coarse, confused, and rough, as if shedding; 
 her mane was matted, and an occasional cockle-burr 
 could be seen hangm" among the bristles; but all these 
 signs were regarded rather as the cunning devices of 
 the old jockey, her owner, Lazy Jake Owens, than as 
 at all indicative of her qualities of speed and bottom. 
 The more knowing followers of the turf readily dis- 
 covered, through all these unfavorable indices, the slen- 
 der limbs, the wiry muscle, the strength and substance, 
 which denoted good blood, agility, and lleetness. The 
 contrast which the Mississippi mare presented to the 
 ungainly externals of " Crazy Kate," was productive 
 of a shout in her favor. " Graystreak" was the model 
 
THK tennesskean's stoky. 87 
 
 of a fine animal ; perhaps wanting somewhat in height, 
 hut possessed of immense capacity, great muscular power, 
 fine color; iu limb, notion, muscle, exhibiting largely the 
 characteristics of high blood, speed, and great endurance^ 
 Her skin was glossy, her eye bright nnd steady; and she 
 showed, in her movement, so perfect n union of spirit 
 and docility, thnt you felt, n1 a glance, that her training 
 had done lull justice to her hlood. There was no resist- 
 ing the impression which she made. Barry himself felt 
 it ; hut he relied upon the known cunning of Lazy Jake 
 Owens, nnd was confident thnt still greater merits lay 
 beneath the unkempt, uncomely aspect of "Crazy Kate/' 
 Lazy .lake himself seemed ns confident ns over; feeling 
 sure in the private engagement with Ned Ramsey, which 
 Iiuulc him safe, at the expense of all his backers. 
 
 .*' Vou have now a good view of tho horses that are to 
 run, Miss Foster," was the remark of Hammond, ven- 
 turing to arouse the damsel from something like a reverie. 
 " They havo already examined them, and weighed the 
 riders. In a few moments, they will mount and he 
 ready for a start. Sutler me to throw back the top of 
 your barouche, when you can rise and sec the whole field 
 at a glance." 
 
 "Oh! do so, Mr. Hammond, if you please. Where 
 do you say 1 shall look?" (Jeraldine eagerly rose us 
 she spoke, and while Hammond threw hack the top of 
 the carriage, she scrambled forward upon the seat beside 
 him, using his shoulder with the utmost indifference 
 during the proceeding. 
 
 " Your favorite does not run this race, which is con- 
 sidered a less trying one than that which she will en- 
 counter. It is for a single mile stretch only, and repeat; 
 and many a horse who would beat, in a longer conflict, 
 would probably lose in this; while tho winner, here, 
 would be nothing in a contest which was continued for 
 two or three miles at a stretch." 
 
 " And which of these horses will win tho raco ; not that 
 dowdyish-looking beast, surely?" 
 
 " She will do something towards it; more than most of 
 
88 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 them ; for the rudeness of her appearance is due rather 
 to the small arts of her owner, than to her native defi- 
 ciencies of beauty. She is not a handsome creature, 
 hut, well dressed, would be far from ugly." 
 
 " Fine feathers make fine birds, you would say," 
 responded Geraldine, merrily, with a smile and toss of 
 her own plumes. 
 
 "Exactly: but this poor beast is carefully disguised 
 for the purpose of taking in the simple, who look to ex- 
 ternals only. She is probably second best of the horses 
 in the ring." 
 
 "And the first?" 
 
 " Is that sleek and quiet animal that stands imme- 
 diately behind her. She is a strange creature from 
 Mississippi, and is probably the best nag on the ground 
 for fleetness and endurance." 
 
 " Your ' Ferraunt' excepted?" said the lady, slyly. 
 
 "My 'Ferraunt' probably excepted," was the some- 
 what grave reply. 
 
 " 1 wish you would run that horse, Mr. Hammond. 
 For. my sake you might." 
 
 This was said in somewhat lower tones than usual. 
 
 " For your sake, Miss Foster, I would do much ; but 
 there is a reason — but, hark! they are preparing for the 
 start. You see that rider with the scarlet jacket, lie 
 rides the horse ' Glaucus,' another of Mr. Barry's racers. 
 You see there are several horses in front, with different 
 colors. Stand upon the seat, and you will better sec 
 them." 
 
 She adopted the suggestion ; rose to the prescribed 
 elevation, he keeping his place on the floor of the car- 
 riage, while her hand rested, as if unconsciously, upon 
 his shoulder. In this manner, shading her eyes with the 
 other hand, she directed her gaze upon the points to 
 which he severally drew her attention. 
 
 " They are now all mounted. The white jacket and 
 cap is the Mississippian ; the blue is 'Crazy Kate.' 
 Hark, now! The word — they arc off!" 
 
 A thousand % * hurrahs" from the multitude. The 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 89 
 
 excitement in the bosom of our damsel was scarcely 
 less. 
 
 " They go ! they are gone ! Oh ! mamma, do you 
 see them ? How they dart — how they fly ! Where are 
 they now, Mr. Hammond ? I do not see. I cannot fol- 
 low them !" 
 
 The start was a beautiful one, made at an equal 
 bound, 4k Glaucus" and " Grayshaft" taking the lead; 
 " Keener" and " Flourish" following close, and " Crazy 
 Kate" and " Graystreak," with "Nabob," just hanging 
 at their heels. Soon, however, the position of the parties 
 fluctuated. " Flourish" made a dash, and flung her tail 
 in the face of " Glaucus ;" "Nabob" went forward till 
 he locked him, and was, in turn, passed by " Crazy 
 Kate ;" the Mississippi mare breezing up witli a gradual 
 increase of velocity, evidently under the most adroit 
 management of rein. " Glaucus" struggled bravely 
 against this new adversary, and made a desperate push, 
 which succeeded in throwing " Flourish and Nabob" out 
 of the lead; but "Crazy Kate" still kept ahead, until 
 her backers began to shout their exultation, when, to 
 their consternation, the Mississippian flared up under a 
 single application of the whip, and shot ahead as suddenly 
 and swiftly as an arrow from the bow. She passed the 
 string just a quarter of a length in advance of " Crazy 
 Kate," wlio was just as closely pressed by " Glaucus" 
 and "Grayshaft." These four horses seemed only so 
 many links of the same chain, so equally close did they 
 maintain their relationship at the termination of the 
 brush. The other horses were considerably in the rear. 
 The race was to the Mississippian, and the flats were feel- 
 ing in their pockets. Lazy Jake Owens was somewhat 
 scarce, and a long and dubious silence succeeded the 
 wild shouts that relieved the suspense of the multitude. 
 " What horse has won, Mr. Hammond ?" 
 " ' Graystreak,' the Mississippian, Miss Foster!" 
 " But not greatly. It seemed to me that all the 
 horses were together. If he won, it was scarcely by his 
 own length." 
 
 8* 
 
00 A8 GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 " It sufficed : but lie might have quadrupled that dis- 
 tance. But it was not the policy of his driver that it 
 should be so. lie is modest, lie looks rather for success 
 than triumph. He prefers the money to the fame. But 
 the greatest contest follows, that in which your favorite 
 takes the field." 
 
 " Yet the Mississippian will win, you say." 
 
 " Yes ! he will prove too much, I suspect, for your 
 namesake. lie will not win so easily, however. Besides, 
 Miles Henderson will run his mare, and she's a bright 
 creature." 
 
 "<Sorella?' " 
 
 " Yes ! he may beat her ; but she comes of the same 
 blood with ' Ferraunt,' and if managed rightly — " 
 
 "It depends upon the rider, then?" 
 
 " Greatly ! and I will see Miles on the subject." 
 
 "Really, Mr. Hammond, that you should know so 
 much about horses, and yet refuse to take part in the 
 struggle!" 
 
 " I love horses, Miss Foster; I delight in their beauty, 
 and their movements are grateful to me. Perhaps but 
 for certain reasons, which concern me only, 1 should be 
 passionately fond of racing, and frequently engage in 
 it. But my objections are insuperable. I da re not ! 
 But for this you should have been the mistress, this day, 
 of all the movements of my horse." 
 
 He disappeared in search of his friend. Mrs. Foster 
 sniggered, as he went. Seeing her step-daughter looking 
 seriously, while her eyes followed the retreating form of 
 Hammond, she said: — 
 
 " It's nothing but his pride and arrogance ; it was so 
 always with him, and with all his family. They delight 
 in being perverse. His mother is just that sort of per- 
 son ; a cold, formal, conceited, consequential, old, stiff- 
 capped somebody, that would be like nobody else. As 
 for Randall Hammond, every one knows that he's a 
 tyrant. He thinks he ean do as he likes with women ; 
 that they're all so anxious to get him, that they'd submit 
 to any dictation. But hell find himself mistaken vet. 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 91 
 
 Now he loves you, Gcraldine, quite as much as he loves 
 or can love anybody; and when he finds he can't be 
 master, he'll perhaps be willing that you should be mis- 
 tress; but you'll have to make him feel that he's nobody 
 first, lie's a haughty, cold — " 
 
 "Oh! hush, mother; you know that you don't like 
 him." 
 
 "No! I don't; not a bone in his skin, nor his'old mo- 
 ther cither. But what I say is true. You sec for your- 
 self, and you'll learn to sec with my eyesbeforc you see 
 anything good in him !" 
 
 " I shall scarcely do so then. But the man's a man. 
 He don't change. He's firm ; and that's something. 
 lie don't flatter, cither ; and though that vexes me, yet I 
 don't think the worse of him for it." 
 
 " Oh, yes ! and he'll hear you singing yet — 
 
 1 When is he coming to marry me?' " 
 
 " No, he won't ! mother, nor any man. I don't care 
 whether I marry or not. I don't sec that marrying is 
 so necessary ; and I'm positively sick of hearing women 
 talk of marriage, as if it was the only subject in the 
 world to talk about." 
 
 " And so it is; a woman's nobody until she's a wife !" 
 
 " And then she's o^e-body's !" 
 
 " Yes ! and then all's safe ! But, if you're wise, 
 you'll marry anybody sooner than a master." 
 
 " And when I submit that any man shall be my mas- 
 ter, I shan't complain, be assured of it. But no more of 
 it ; for here comes your favorite, Captain Barry." 
 
 "I wish he were your favorite, too. lie's the man; 
 you can manage him like a feather." 
 
 " A feather, then, would be a good substitute for a 
 husband !" 
 
 " Y r cs, indeed, if it adorns one's bonnet !" 
 
 "Hush!" 
 
 " Well, ladies ! you sec I've been unlucky," began 
 Barry ; " my c Glaucus' just lost the race by a span. Jim 
 Perkins rode him badly. lie held in where he should 
 
92 AS GOOD AS A comedy: OR, 
 
 have let out, and I saw him looking behind, and jerking 
 in, just when he should have used the whip. But that's 
 nothing. I didn't count largely on this race. In the 
 next, however, I'll ride 'Fair Geraldine' myself, and 
 then we'll see after this i Gray streak.' You saw the 
 run? You saw that the ' Mississippian' and 'Crazy 
 Kate' were both put to their best ? Now I know that 
 < Geraldine' can gallop round ' Glaucus' at his speed. 
 We'll see !" 
 
 " Well, remember, Mr. Barry, I've a fortune in gloves 
 on my namesake." 
 
 " Never fear ! never fear !" 
 
 "But Mr. Henderson's going to run his ' Sorella.' ' 
 " Yes ; I see him busy. lie stands no chance. 
 4 Sorella' is sister of 'Ferraunt;' 'Geraldine' can beat 
 'em both. I only wish we could get Hammond to come 
 out with his iron gray. We'd show liini ! We'd take the 
 conceit out of him !" 
 
 "What can be the reason of his reluctance?" 
 "Reason!" exclaimed the mother; "why, there's no 
 reason, but his pride. lie thinks horscracing vulgar." 
 
 " That can hardly be possible. Indeed, I'm sure, 
 from what he said to me, that it is not pride. Besides, 
 I'm not so sure that I can't persuade him to it yet." 
 
 4k Indeed ! you may give up that notion," said Barry. 
 " He particularly told Nettles and myself that be 
 wouldn't run his horse for you or any woman breath- 
 ing." 
 
 "Said he that?" demanded Geraldine, while her eye 
 flashed sudden fires of indignation, and her cheek flushed 
 with the feeling of a slighted pride. 
 
 "To be sure be did; not twenty yards from your car- 
 riage; and when Nettles and Henderson were telling 
 him that he could no longer refuse, after you bad asked 
 him." 
 
 " It was like him !" said the step-mother. " I hope 
 you're satisfied now !" 
 
 The daughter was silent; and Mrs. Foster, satisfied 
 with the step gained, was prudent enough to say no 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 93 
 
 more. Barry ran on fur some time longer; but, finding 
 that what lie said was little heeded, he hurried away to 
 the stand, and to make his preparations for the next 
 great race. 
 
 Meanwhile, Hammond, unsuspecting the evil seed 
 which had been planted in his absence, had sought out 
 Henderson, in order to give him counsel in relation to 
 the race. It may be said here, that Hammond was not 
 only an excellent judge of the qualities of a horse, but 
 that he particularly knew "Sorella." lie had imported 
 and partly trained her; and she had been his gift to 
 Henderson, some time before. lie now took the latter 
 aside, and said to him — 
 
 " You arc too heavy to ride ' Sorella' yourself, Miles, 
 and can venture little against this Mississippi filly. I 
 think that 'Sorella' can beat her in the long run, but 
 only under a first-rate rider. Now, do you go over 
 with me to the wagon of old Nathan Whitesides, whom 
 1 see here, and we will get his son, Logan, to ride for 
 you. Logan is a first-rate rider, and has had frequent 
 practice with * Sorcila.' He knows her, and, which is 
 quite as important, she knows him. He is one of the 
 most dextrous jockeys that I know, though he seems a 
 simpleton. If any one, not myself, can beat ' Gray- 
 streak' with 'Sorella,' it is Logan Whitesides." 
 
 The boy was sought, found, and employed. A few 
 whispers in his ear, and Hammond left the parties; 
 returning to the carriage of Mrs. Foster, seemingly no 
 more concerned in the race than the most indifferent 
 spectator, lie resumed his seat quietly on the box of 
 the barouche, but not before discovering that a change 
 had taken place in the manner of Geraldine Foster. 
 She was constrained in her answers, and totally incurious 
 about the race. Not so the step-mother, who seemed to 
 grow good-humored in due degree with the increased 
 reserve and hauteur of the damsel. Hammond was a 
 politician ; he did not appear to discover any changes, 
 and spoke as quietly, and offered his services and his 
 information as unpretendingly as lie had done before. 
 
94 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 / 
 His manner was that of a gentleman who had nothing 
 to gain, and is conscious of nothing to he lost ; but who, 
 in obedience to habitual training, defers gently to the 
 sex, and shows that solicitude for the graces of society 
 which makes one always willing to contribute to its 
 amenities. It is not to bo concealed, however, that he 
 took advantage of the frequent provocations afforded by 
 Mrs. Foster, to make himself particularly interesting. 
 Without effort, he betrayed his resources of reading and 
 observation, lie was lively, without levity; various, 
 without painstaking ; and copious, without Buffering 
 himself to fall into tediousness. Gradually, the ear of 
 Geraldinc inclined to his voice. She forgot, in his con- 
 versation, the reported rudeness which had vexed. her 
 pride ; and, by the time that the preparations were com- 
 pleted for the main race, she was again on the seat beside 
 him. Mrs. Foster had not calculated on this result. 
 She was chagrined to find that her conversation had 
 brought out new powers in their companion, which could 
 not fail to place him in favorable comparison with his 
 rivals ; and she was too vulgar a woman to know how 
 to repair the evil unless by a positive rudeness, for 
 which she was unprepared, and for which she could have 
 no excuse. She sat silent, accordingly, leaving the field 
 entirely free to Hammond; who, finding Geraldinc a 
 somewhat pensive listener beside him, adroitly addressed 
 the sentiment which was uppermost in her thoughts, and 
 confirmed, still more profoundly, the impression he had 
 made. At moments, a recollection of the scandal which 
 she had heard came upon her with a twinge ; and her 
 brow was momently clouded, while her heart sunk ; but 
 the cloud passed away, and the heart grew lifted, as, 
 watchful of every movement, yet without seeming to 
 be so, Hammond took care so to direct her thought from 
 himself, as to make the most favorable impression of self 
 through media the most indirect. We will not attempt 
 to pursue the conversation, which depended upon turns 
 of expression, tones, and glances, which mere description 
 must always find indescribable. 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 95 
 
 The excitements of the race interposed to give variety 
 to the conversation between the pair. Hammond allowed 
 nothing to escape which seemed to belong to his duties 
 as cicerone. Aware of the preliminaries, he knew at 
 what moment to direct his companion's attention to the 
 course. 
 
 " They are hastening with their preparations for the 
 race, Miss Foster, and if you will rise, as before, you 
 will enjoy a good view of your favorite. She is certainly 
 a very pretty creature." 
 
 " Where ? "Where ?" and the damsel rose in her place, 
 and again stood upon the seat above her attendant. But 
 this time her hand did not rest upon his shoulder as 
 before. 
 
 " You see her there, just beneath the stand of the 
 judges. She is certainly a beautiful little thing, and 
 comes up to the stand handsomely." 
 " Then you think that she will win?" 
 " It is very doubtful. She has, at least, two very 
 formidable competitors." 
 u The Mississippi ?—" 
 " And < Sorella.' " 
 " Is * Sorella' a very fast animal ?" 
 " She teas, six months ago." 
 "But now?" 
 
 " All depends upon her rider." 
 
 4 * What of the ugly-coated beast — the dowdy, crazy 
 something?" 
 
 " She may get the first heat, but will hardly do any- 
 thing in the second. She wants substance. The danger 
 to your namesake is of the same kind. She has spirit 
 and fleetness, but not sufficient endurance. For a single 
 mile, she might carry herself against cither of these 
 horses; but these are three-mile races, which her powers 
 can scarcely undergo. That Mississippi mare is a model 
 of training. I see where she stands, sleek, smooth, and 
 so perfectly at home ; so quiet ; as if she knew her 
 business thoroughly, and regarded it as done. * Sorella' 
 has work before her." 
 
96 . AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 "Does Mr. Henderson ride ' Sorella?' " 
 " No. I have persuaded him not to do so." 
 Geraldine was about to ask the reason, when a nudge 
 from her step-mother behind silenced her ; and, just then, 
 the tap of the drum, and the voice of authority, drew 
 the eyes of all parties to the starting-post. 
 
THE TENNESSKEAN'8 STORY. 97 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 SORELLA AND THE GYPSY JOCKEY. 
 
 The horses entered were but four in number. These 
 were, our Mississippian, "Graystreak," ''Crazy Kate," 
 the " Fair Geraldine," and " Sorella." Tlie former was 
 now decidedly the favorite of the field, and odds were 
 given in her behalf. Numerous bets were offered and 
 taken, and the excitement on the turf was great, and 
 momently increasing. The "Fair Geraldine" had her 
 backers, and so had " Crazy Kate" and " Sorella." But 
 the latter was little known among the regular jockeys, 
 and, though a symmetrical and well-shaped animal, there 
 were none of those salient characteristics in her appear- 
 ance which arc apt to take the spectator. It was seen 
 that she was fleet: and that she was rather bony, seemed 
 to promise something for her hardihood. Ned Ramsey 
 noticed her with some anxiety ; and the watchful Lazy 
 Jake Owens observed that he had a whisper en passant 
 for the gentlemanly stranger who had so freely taken the 
 offers of Jones Barry. But neither Ramsey nor the 
 stranger declined any banters against " Graystreak ;" 
 their confidence in that favorite creature being in no 
 respect impaired by the presence of the new competitor. 
 Of course, we do not pretend to follow and describe the 
 varieties of feeling and interest shown by the spectators. 
 How they perilled their money, in what amount, and 
 upon what horses, noways concerns our narrative. We 
 may mention, however, that Miles Henderson had a 
 couple of hundred and a few odd fives invested in the 
 credit of his mare ; while our friend Tom Nettles was 
 pretty safe in taking the field against the " Fair Geral- 
 9 
 
98 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 dine" and " Crazy Kate," to the tune of two or three 
 hundred more. 
 
 The examination of the horses showed them off to 
 great advantage. " Graystreak" looked sleek, quiet, 
 and confident, as before. " Sorella" was a meek animal 
 also, with just such a twinkle of the eye as shows that 
 there is no lack of spirit, with all the meekness. But 
 the " Fair Gcraldine" stripped to the survey with all the 
 consciousness of a proud and petted beauty. Shi' was 
 restive and bright; a little too anxious and impatient, 
 and carried her head with a toss which was not unworthy 
 of her lovelier namesake. Her appearance compelled 
 the admiration of all ; and many were tempted to bet 
 upon her beauty, who did not consider her heels. Her 
 rider now was .Junes Barry himself, lie was really 
 not satisfied that Sam Perkins had not done justice to 
 " Glaucus;" but, whether satisfied or not, nothing could 
 possibly have prevented him from doing as the Karl of 
 Toteham had been said to do at Doneaster. 
 
 "Your favorite is ready for the race, Miss Foster! 
 you see Mr. Barry takes the field in person ;" and Ham- 
 mond pointed to the gaudy figure of that worthy, as the 
 impatient "Gcraldine" wheeled and capered beneath 
 him. 
 
 "The white is 'Graystreak,' and the blue — " 
 
 "Crazy Kate!" 
 
 "But where is Mr. Henderson's rider?" 
 
 " lie mounts now — that strange-looking urchin with 
 a yellow-spotted bandanna, wound, gypsy fashion, around 
 his head, without a jaeket, with his shirt-sleeves bared 
 to the elbow, and his suspenders wrapped around his 
 waist. 
 
 " What a strange-looking creature! Who is he ?" 
 
 " One Logan Whitesides ; a knowing lad among 
 horses, who is particularly well acquainted with .' So- 
 rella.' He was her only rider when she was under train- 
 ing, and his whisper will do more with her than any 
 other person's whip." 
 
 * v AVas it that he might get this boy that you coun- 
 
TIIE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 99 
 
 sellcd Mr. Henderson not to ride himself?" .asked 
 Geraldine, with some interest. 
 
 " Yes ! I knew that 4 Sorclla' would need every advan- 
 tage in a contest with the Mississippi filly, and that Miles 
 was quite too heavy to run her successfully himself." 
 
 Unconsciously, the girl looked pleased. Hammond 
 saw the expression, and mused upon it ; particularly as 
 a querulous exclamation, at that moment, dropped from 
 the hostile step-mother. But the proceedings of the 
 course drew all eyes thither. All were saddled, the word 
 was given, and away they went, like so many ambitious 
 heroes, into battle. 
 
 The start was a successful one. The four horses 
 seemed to jump oft' together, running side by side for 
 a while, as if delighting in the line and order of a platoon 
 charge. Hut soon the " Fair Gcraldino" led off, taking 
 the track for a quarter of a, mile ; *' Crazy Kate" laying 
 herself close behind, and " (Jraystreak" and "Sorclla" 
 seeming to find their amusement in driving the two before 
 them. Before the mile was two-thirds traversed, how- 
 ever, "Crazy Kate' showed symptoms of lagging, ami 
 "Sorclla" dropped her with a, bound, making even play 
 between the " Mississipphin" and the " Fair Geraldine. ' 
 The latter continued well on, not needing any urgency 
 of her rider, until the clattering heels of "Sorclla* 
 and "< Jraystreak," just at her haunches, impelled her 
 to an effort. She bridled up at this forwardness, and a 
 slight smack of the whip shocked her into a still more 
 indignant determination to leavo all vulgar companion- 
 ship behind. She went off with a rocket-like impulse, 
 but without obtaining her object. It was now evi- 
 dent that the " Mississippian ' was resolved to cut 
 her off from her triumph, and her rider was seen to 
 apply the thong smartly to her sides. She passed, ac- 
 cordingly, between M Sorclla" nnd the object of her am- 
 bition, and the next moment found her, lock and lock, in 
 affectionate embrace with tho high-spirited and aristo- 
 cratic beauty. Vainly did the latter try to shako her off. 
 All her efforts only served to keep tho two in this position, 
 
100 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 when, to the surprise of both, a shrill whistle from the 
 rider of "Sorella" brought that mysterious creature with 
 a rush between them, and flinging the dust in both their 
 faces, she passed under the string, leaving her tail hidden 
 between the lifted heads of the two emulous competitors. 
 "Crazy Kate" darted into the allotted limits quite in 
 season to save her distance, having reserved her powers 
 for another brush. 
 
 The race was a beautiful one. The several merits of 
 the first three horses were now fully displayed, though 
 the extent of their powers of endurance could only be 
 conjectured. They had evidently been ridden with a 
 due regard to their qualities ; and the competition was 
 such as to maintain the excitement of the multitude, and 
 to keep them in suspense till the very last moment. A 
 shawl might have lapped them at several points in the 
 race ; and an ell of ribbon might have circled them as 
 they darted beneath the string. It was clear that judg- 
 ments were to be revised. " Sorella" had been under- 
 valued. " Crazy Kate" looked better than ever, and 
 her rider was known to be a first-rate jockey ; and " Cray- 
 streak" was under the teaching of the very Machiavel of 
 the Georgia turf. The " Fair Geraldine" had behaved too 
 handsomely to have lost any of her supporters ; and, 
 whether " Graystrcak" had yielded the heat through 
 policy, or actually lost it in spite of all his efforts, was a 
 very doubtful question, even among the knowing ones. 
 There was a whisper that she seemed to complain in one 
 of her pins; but Tom Nettles, who examined her closely, 
 made no such discovery. Ned Ramsey showed anxiety, 
 however, and this was seen by "Lazy Jake Owens," as 
 well as Nettles. His personal care of his horse was ex- 
 emplary, and his efforts to enable her to recover and cool 
 off, without effort, were so many studies for the youthful 
 jockeys who were crowding about and emulous of his re- 
 nown. Jones Barry was by no means dissatisfied with 
 the doings of his mare. She did not seem uneasy or 
 distressed; cooled off naturally and soon, and was ready 
 for the second trial in the shortest possible space. But, 
 
THE TENNESSNEAN'fl STORY. 101 
 
 to liavo seen tlio affectionate euro of " Sorclla," which 
 was taken liy her pvpMY rider — how, in addition to tlio 
 usua I Btrip]iiii|2fi mid rubbings, ho wound his arms about 
 her neck, kissed her tin if she hud been a sweetheart, and 
 whispered nil sorts of pleasant nonsenses in her ears ; and 
 how the filly turned to him with a knowing gesture; and 
 how, when he Htooped to rub her legs, her nose rested Upon 
 his shoulders with a sort of human interest, which drew 
 crowds about the two in unaffected admiration! ;lt real- 
 ized, in some degree, the stories that we hoar of tho 
 Arabian und his favorite steed. Logan Whitesides bad 
 first hud his ambition lifted by his employment in the 
 training of "Sorclla." She was a first-love to him, and 
 it would have come nigh to break his heart bad he not 
 achieved the victory, 
 
 "And so 'Sorclia' has really won tho victory?" said 
 (Jeraldiue to 1 lauiiiiond, as he returned to the carriage 
 after a brief interview with Miles Henderson, 
 
 11 Tlio heat only — a third of the victory, Miss Foster, 
 The\ are now preparing for the second trial." 
 
 "You are a witch in horses, Mr, Hammond, But 
 pray what did you say in that short whisper which 1 saw 
 you give to Mr, Henderson and bis gypsy boy?" 
 
 Hammond laughed as ho replied : — 
 
 ** I simply instructed him that his policy was to lo$6 
 tht» next heat." 
 
 M l don't. understand you — lose!" 
 
 "That is, not attempt to win, but sillier it to bo tukon 
 by the ' Mississippian.' " 
 
 " And why, pray?" 
 
 " That her strength in the third beat should not bo 
 perilled by an undue effort in tho second; when, as most 
 of the other horses will put forth their best ability, aho 
 might probably peril herself for nothing." 
 
 "I see, 1 see! But why lose to the * Mississippian ?' 
 You say nothing of my namesake !" 
 
 " Your namesake has done her best already." 
 
 " You don't flatter, Mr. Hammond," suicl tho stcp- 
 0* 
 
102 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 mother ; " I do believe you have a spite against that ani- 
 mal." 
 
 "0 no, Mrs. Foster! I'm sure you believe~no such 
 thing. She is a sweet and beautiful creature, who will 
 do all that is in her power. It is her misfortune that 
 her powers are overtasked. Mr. Barry expects too much 
 from her. lie does not overrate her fleetness, but he 
 overrates her endurance ; and he will distress, and proba- 
 bly injure her, before the race is over. So far from a 
 spite against her, I sympathize with her, and if I could, 
 would gladly save her from the hard work which is before 
 her." 
 
 "Well, I'll never believe but you have a spite against 
 her. You believe in any horse on the ground but her. 
 I'd like to see you run your own ; but I suppose it would 
 require something more than a woman's entreaties to 
 persuade you to that." 
 
 There was something in the tone with which these 
 words were spoken, not less than the words themselves, 
 which grated offensively on the ears of the person ad- 
 dressed; but he remained silent, and in a few moments 
 the preparations for the second heat enabled him to 
 divert the conversation to another channel. At the sig- 
 nal given by the drum, Geraldine again stood upon the 
 seat of the carriage, an eager spectator of the issue. The 
 word was given, and the start was again beautiful ; the 
 four steeds seeming to lap each other, whirling away for 
 a while, in a sort of linked movement, which showed 
 them all as if locked together in mutual relationship. 
 " Crazy Kate" and " Geraldine" were soon ngain in the 
 lead, as if by mutual consent between "Sorolla" and 
 " Graystreak;" swinging forward by the groups of spec- 
 tators, the wagons and the tables, east and west, as if 
 waltzing with wings at both feet and shoulders. Merrily 
 did they glide away, leaving a space of thirty feet or 
 more between their competitors, who appeared perfectly 
 content to jog on together at a pace which inconvenienced 
 neither, yet enabled them to keep always within speaking 
 distance of the livelv things in front. Thus trailing for 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 103 
 
 the first mile and better, they suffered the game to bo 
 played by other bands, only piping moderately to the mu- 
 sic. But soon the " Mississippian" began to grow restive 
 under restraint, and to put forth a much more ambitious 
 leg than he had hitherto shown. lie lifted away from 
 " Sorella," and was soon upon the heels of the two ahead. 
 A few bounds enabled him to separate the links between 
 them, and to throw himself towards the back stretch of 
 the second mile, between " Crazy Kate" and her fair 
 competitor. "Sorella" made a similar push forward, 
 and soon overcame the space which kept her from the 
 embrace of " Crazy Kate ;" but whether it was that the 
 latter was less tempting than the beauty with the beauti- 
 ful name, she did not prolong the tete-a-tetc with her, 
 but hurried forward to a more select meeting with the 
 " Fair Geraldine ;" perhaps it was a feeling of sympathy, 
 which, at this moment, prompted the latter to forego her 
 exertions, and loiter for the coming up of one who sought 
 her so closely. Meanwhile, the ambitious maid of Mis- 
 sissippi darted ahead of all opponents, and, with so few 
 tokens of civility, as to provoke the emulous efforts of 
 the two nearest riders. Jones Barry was seen to apply 
 the whip with unkind severity of hand, to the tender 
 flanks of his favorite: while the gypsy boy who rode 
 "[Sorella" appeared to urge her forward with the utmost 
 seeming anxiety, but without the use of any weapon. It 
 was now perceived that the " Fair Geraldine," as if under 
 a feeling of degradation, no longer lifted a hopeful and 
 exulting head, nor tossed pridefully her luxuriant mane. 
 That she began to droop was evident to the spectators, 
 while the repeated strokes of the lash, from her rider, 
 betrayed his own consciousness of a fact which he was 
 quite unwilling to believe. These exertions still gave 
 her headway for awhile, but it was at the expense of her 
 heels. She gradually relaxed after these efforts, and 
 soon had the mortification to find " Sorella" quietly work- 
 ing ahead, as they both stretched through the first quar- 
 ter of the third mile. Hammond saw with satisfaction, 
 that, while the boy who rode "Sorella" appeared to 
 
104 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 labor anxiously, he used no whip, or only appeared to do 
 so, while the beast lifted her legs freely, and set them 
 down as if on velvet. The crowd, who knew nothing of 
 his game, now looked upon it that she shared the ex- 
 haustion of " Geraldine," and were quite deceived by the 
 arts of her rider. Even Ramsey himself counted upon 
 him as a horse "done brown;" and whispered to Lazy 
 Jake Owens that the race was won. But Lazy Jake was 
 no slouch at an opinion either, in the matter of horse- 
 flesh; and he answered, in the common proverb of war- 
 ring in the South : " Don't whoop before you're out of 
 the wood." But this heat was decided. The " Mississip- 
 pian" had shown the cleanest heels, taking the track from 
 all. It was observed that " Sorella," after once or twice 
 yielding the lead to the "Fair Geraldine," now changed 
 the figure entirely, and hastened forward so as to throw 
 herself within a few decent bounds of kt Graystreak," as 
 the latter passed in under the string, the final victor of 
 the heat. The native spirit of " Geraldine" did not suffer 
 her to fall behind very far, though it was evident to all 
 good judges that the game with her was up for tbe day ; 
 while " Crazy Kate" enjoyed to herself the Irishman's 
 fun of driving all the rogues before her. Of the three 
 winning horses, " Sorella" was the only one who had been 
 economized, and tbe excellence of her jockey enabled 
 her to keep this important fact a secret. A couple of 
 lengths between her and " Graystreak, and twice the 
 number between her and " Geraldine," left the minds of 
 the multitude still in that condition of doubt in regard 
 to the future which makes equally the interest of race 
 and story. The betting parties were still hopeful ; for, 
 even where their favorites had not won, they came so 
 near it, with the exception of " Crazy Kate," as to leave 
 nothing certain in the chapter of coming events. 
 
 Well rubbed and groomed, three horses showed them- 
 selves for the third time upon the track. " Crazy Kate" 
 has withdrawn in dudgeon, in consequence of the mani- 
 fest neglect with which her companions have treated her 
 performances. Her backers have sullenly yielded up 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN's STORY. 105 
 
 their tin to the numerous friends of the "Mississippian ;" 
 while Ramsey, and the unknown gentleman, have been 
 reminding numerous persons of certain fives, tens, twen- 
 ties, and hundreds — including our friend Jones Barry — 
 which they unwisely perilled on the heels of a feminine 
 creature avowedly non compos. This pleasant little 
 episode greatly relieved the otherwise tedious interval 
 between the second and the last heat. The " Fair Gerald- 
 ine" seemed to have recovered her former spirits, as she 
 came once more upon the turf; and, with the word " Go," 
 she led off, " solitary and alone," as she had been 
 ambitious to do on all previous ocensions. But, after 
 the first half mile, both the "Mississippian" and "Sorella" 
 seemed disposed to make play, and to show that both 
 had heels of wing and steam when the exigency was 
 at hand. It was clear, however, that the two latter 
 waited for each other. They knew the real adversary, 
 and knew exactly when to terminate that deference for 
 the beauty who now led them which, it was evident, they 
 had yielded rather through policy than admiration. As 
 the first mile was overcome, they gradually swallowed 
 space, talang the wind completely out of the sails of 
 " Geraldine," passing on each side of her, and closing 
 up, as if anxious for the track. Barry at once put on 
 steam with a heavy hand, but no application to the 
 flanks, in the case of one so tender, could possibly fur- 
 nish the legs with the proper facility for flight. The 
 beauty wanted age for endurance. " Send me no more 
 boys," said Napoleon to the government at home : " they 
 only fill the hospitals." The tender years of " Gerald- 
 ine," her delicate training, were adverse to her soldier- 
 ship. Famous at a charge, she could not stand the 
 campaign. The two veterans, better fortified by muscle 
 and training, of better bottom and not less speed, soon 
 forged ahead, and left her painfully to struggle up the 
 hill alone. " Graystrcak" was evidently girdling up 
 her loins for the last great effort. She felt the necessity 
 of putting all her soul into her heels, as she felt that she 
 had a sterling customer beside her, one who took a deep 
 
106 
 
 shot, and loved long reckonings. There were bone, and 
 muscle, and speed, to be overcome, and she had a pride 
 and reputation at stake, to say nothing of the hundreds 
 which our friend Jones Barry no doubt found cool enough 
 by this time. There was evident mischief in the " Missis- 
 sippian." Her rider glared round, in his white uniform, 
 at the queer little gypsy rogue who kept tenaciously 
 with him, neck and neck, as if measuring their mutual 
 strength for the last great struggle. It was neck or 
 nothing with them both. Both were resolute to do, or 
 die. The gypsy rogue seemed to crouch, at moments, 
 in his saddle, as if to take the leap of a cougar on the 
 fox, and his heels would sink slightly into the sides of 
 his creature, as if embracing her with a love which found 
 all its pleasures in hers. Side and side they rode, un- 
 til, in the eyes of the distant spectators, they seemed to 
 resolve themselves into a single man and horse. The 
 struggle was desperately close. It was your purse or 
 mine, as they darted eagerly towards the last quarter 
 stretch, leaving the wind behind them, and seeming to 
 whiz along through air, as a bullet from the cannon. 
 " The bravest held his breath for a time." flie multi- 
 tude pressed forward along the track. Mouths were 
 open wide with expectation ; eyes dilating beyond their 
 orbs, with delight and anxiety. 
 
 " How beautiful !" exclaimed Geraldinc Foster, as she 
 grasped the arm of Hammond. 
 
 "Beautiful!" said Hammond, naturally enough, as 
 he gazed into her eyes. We dare not look with him while 
 the struggle is thus at its height. The jockey on " Gray- 
 streak" now made tremendous efforts ; his eye fixed on 
 the stubborn little gypsy, as if to note the opening for 
 an advantage. Neck and neck they still clung together, 
 and but a few more bounds were necessary to the final 
 achievement. "Whitejacket" gathered himself up for the 
 last issue, and, rising in his stirrups, with the whip keen- 
 ly and rapidly administered, he raised the head of 
 " Graystreak" for the final bound beneath the line. 
 But " Nojaeket," our little gypsy, knew his moment also. 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 107 
 
 lie gave no whip ; lie rose not in the saddle ; hut crouch- 
 ing, rather, and clinging upon her neck, he whispered a 
 word, a single word, in the ear of " Sorella," and the 
 noble Arabian went out of the lock in a way to make 
 an arrow wonder. By a single head, she passed ahead 
 of her resolute competitor ; and, as her triumph was be- 
 held, the big, swollen heart of the multitude relieved 
 itself by a shout that shook the field. • Then our gypsy- 
 jockey dropped from his creature, and seized her about 
 the neck, kissing her once more as passionately as the 
 lover, for the first time successful. He felt the triumph 
 as much more precious than he did the " cool hundred," 
 one of the several that had been transferred on this oc- 
 casion from the pockets of the wealthy Jones Barry to 
 those of other people, with which Miles Henderson 
 rewarded him for his riding. Then might the multitude 
 he seen following the horses — horse and rider — with ex- 
 ultation and admiration. Our gypsy was, next to his 
 horse, the wonder of the field. The boys scampered 
 after him as their hero, while the negroes, everywhere 
 exclaiming as he came, pointed him out to their grinning 
 companions, as " Dat little Login Whitesides ; da's a 
 debble hese'f, for ride !" Glory is a thing of various 
 complexions ; and our little friend Logan was quite as 
 well satisfied, no doubt, with the negro form of compli- 
 ment, as with that which issued in rounded periods from 
 more polished lips. Let us now look to other parties. 
 
108 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY 
 
 CHAPTER VIIL 
 
 THE GANDER TOURNAMENT. 
 
 The excellent lady, Mrs. Foster, was quite dissatisfied 
 at the result of the race. Perhaps she might have been 
 still more so, had the victory been obtained by " Fer- 
 raunt," instead of " Sorella;" by the horse of Hammond 
 in place of that of his friend. She did not conceal her 
 mortification, -which vented itself in expressions of strong 
 sympathy with Jones Barry, even in the presence of his 
 conqueror. He, however, either was, or affected to be, 
 wholly indifferent to the result. He had various excuses 
 for the defeat, which he could ascribe to any and every- 
 thing, always excepting his mare's ability and his own 
 riding. 
 
 " I'll go you a thousand any day, Miles Henderson, 
 on 'Geraldine,' against 'Sorella.' I know what my 
 mare can do. But she wasn't groomed properly. That 
 little rascal Sam Perkins would give her water, though 
 I told him not ; and he girt her in so tightly, that the 
 poor thing could hardly draw a decent breath." 
 
 "And you're a little too heavy for your mare, Barry," 
 added Nettles ; who, having pocketed a clever share of 
 the money of the other, could afford to do the amiable. 
 
 "There's something in that," was the admission of 
 Barry. " But, Tom, didn't I ride her beautiful?" 
 
 " You can ride," was the liberal acknowledgment of 
 the other, with just the sort of emphasis and look, in 
 the right place, to render the admission satisfactory. 
 
 Meanwhile, Henderson and Hammond had both been 
 conversing with the ladies ; though the latter could not 
 but perceive that Geraldine manifested, in his case, 
 a more than usual decree of reserve and distance. He 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN's STORY. 109 
 
 was not long at a loss to what influence to ascribe this 
 deportment, since Mrs. Foster, though outwardly civil, 
 was yet not altogether capable of suppressing all shows 
 of that spirit by which she was secretly animated to- 
 wards him. True, however, to his maxim, he betrayed 
 no particular concern, but was only the more studious 
 to overlook none of the formal and becoming courtesies 
 which society had established as proper from the one sex 
 to the other, lie was not only scrupulously polite and 
 attentive, but particularly graceful and spirited. His 
 conversation rose in force and animation with the con- 
 sciousness of his equivocal position ; and the vivacity 
 and freedom of his dialogue and manner were only re- 
 strained by an overruling resolution to permit to him- 
 self no such liberties as might; incur censure or provoke 
 offence. lie played the diplomate with a rare excellence; 
 and Mrs. Foster leaned back in the carriage, heartily 
 vexed with a person whom she longed to wound, yet who 
 gave her no advantage ; and who, in spite of all her 
 malice, still contrived, seemingly without exertion, to 
 win the ears, and compel the sympathies of her protege. 
 The carriage, meanwhile, was got in readiness ; the 
 horses were geared in, and the lady proceeded to invite 
 the gentlemen to return with her to dinner. Hammond 
 and Henderson declared their pleasure in escorting the 
 ladies home ; while Jones Barry and Nettles excused 
 themselves by alleging that, with them, the business of 
 the day was very far from being over. There were 
 several races yet to be run. "Glaucus" was again to 
 try his heels against some other nags, which were yet 
 to be'brought forward; and there was to be a "scrub" 
 race for sweepstakes, in which more than twenty horses 
 had been already entered. The interest of Nettles in 
 these events, though he ran no horse himself, was not 
 less great than that of Jones Barry, while his profits 
 were likely to be much greater. 
 
 "Besides," says Barry; "there's the circus, Mrs. 
 Foster, the circus;" and he rubbed his hands. "And 
 I never saw the circus in my life. I'm told they do all 
 10 
 
110 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 sorts of things. There's a man there that jumps through 
 the eye of a needle !" 
 
 " Oh, Mr. Barry, how can you believe such non- 
 sense?" 
 
 " It's true, by the pipers ! here's the advertisement; 
 here's the picture itself; the man and the needle." 
 
 " As large as life !" said Nettles. 
 
 And Barry pulled out of his pocket one of those enor- 
 mous bills of the circus, which one sees at times, in the 
 South and "West, covering the sides of a court-house. 
 As he held it up, it fairly covered him from head to foot. 
 
 " I don't see why he shouldn't jump through the eye 
 of such a needle, Mr. Barry ; the needle seems a great 
 deal larger than the man." 
 
 " So it does," said Barry. 
 
 " Oh ! but that's only to show it to the people, Miss 
 Geraldine ; that's only the picture ; for I saw the needle, 
 the real needle itself; and I assure you that it's not 
 much larger than those you ladies work with. It isn't 
 exactly a cambric needle, I grant you ; but then again, 
 it's nothing near like a bagging-needle." 
 
 " You saw it, Tom ?" asked Barry. 
 
 " To be sure I did !" was the reply. 
 
 " And you believe, Mr. Barry, that any man could 
 go through such a needle?" queried Mrs. Foster. 
 
 "I don't see how he can," said the other, gravely; 
 "it would break out the eye." 
 
 A roar of laughter from Henderson followed this ora- 
 cular opinion, of which Miss Geraldine herself indulged 
 in a moderate imitation. Mrs. Foster lay back in the 
 carriage, frowning and mortified. Nettles continued: — 
 
 "But that's not all ; the clown who goes through the 
 needle uncorks a bottle with his eye, sets fire to a wheel- 
 rocket with his whiskers, and afterwards swallows his 
 own head." 
 
 "Ah! Tom," says Barry, "that won't do! No- 
 body can make me believe that. It may be that he 
 could draw a cork with his eye; and, as for setting off 
 wheelrockets with his whiskers, that, I suppose, isn't 
 
TIIE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. Ill 
 
 altogether impossible; but I'll be d d if I believe a 
 
 word about swallowing bis own bead. Swallowing bis 
 own bead! Why, who tbe deuce could ever think of do- 
 ing such a tbing? Ob no, Tom Nettles; that cock 
 won't figbt ! It's likely be may make a show of doing 
 something of tbe kind, by sleight of hand.'' 
 
 " Of mouth, rather." 
 
 " Well, mouth then ; but I know it's all make b'lieve 
 — don't you think so, Mrs. Foster ?" 
 
 " I don't think about it, Mr. Barry. It's all trick 
 and humbug. Circuses are all vulgar places. I have 
 no interest in them." 
 
 "Vulgar! why, Lord bless you, Mrs. Foster, tbe 
 whole country's to be there. Don't you see tbe car- 
 riages coming in already ? There'll be a matter of three 
 hundred ladies, I reckon." 
 
 "Ladies, indeed!" said the lady. " Perhaps so, sir. 
 We sba'n't be among them, however. Scipio,'' to the 
 driver, " are you ready?" 
 
 "All ready, ma'am." 
 
 " Well, Mr. Barry, we leave you. Mr. Nettles, we 
 shall always be glad to see you at the lodge. Gentle- 
 men," to Hammond and Henderson, " do you still keep 
 your purpose of riding with us, or have tbe charms of 
 tbe clown, as we have beard them described, persuaded 
 you to think better of it, and stay for tbe circus ?" 
 
 " If one could be sure that tbe clown would act ho- 
 nestly, and really make a gulp of his own head," mused 
 Hammond, with gravity. 
 
 Barry looked up "bewildered, his mouth wide open, as 
 Nettles proceeded to assert that tbe thing was really 
 done in a most lifelike and natural manner; though, as 
 the clown reappeared always the next day with his head 
 on," looking quite as well as usual, he concluded, with 
 his friend Barry, that it was only " make b'lieve," mere 
 sleight of hand or mouth, the clever trick of a clever 
 juggler — "though," added the speaker, with admirable 
 gravity, "it certainly takes in everybody — everybody 
 believes it." 
 
112 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY! OR, 
 
 "Drive on, Scipio," said the lady, imperiously, as if 
 anxious to escape from the confiding, yet dubious gaze 
 of Barry. 
 
 The carriage whirled away, Hammond and Hender- 
 son taking opposite sides, the former beside the window 
 near which Geraldine sat, while his friend was the par- 
 ticular escort of the mother. We will leave them on 
 their homeward progress, and return to our companions, 
 Jones Barry and Tom Nettles. 
 
 These two worthies at once proceeded with proper 
 diligence to business. Under the counsel of the latter, 
 Barry employed, as the rider of " Glaucus," the little 
 gypsy, who had lifted "Sorella" so handsomely over 
 the track; and the result was an improvement in the 
 events of the contest. But it is not our purpose to 
 pursue the history of the turf at Hillabec. Ours is not 
 a racing calendar, and we must leave such histories to 
 those who are more perfect in the history of the stud. 
 It is enough that we say that the day continued one of 
 great excitement to the close. Some small winnings, at 
 the winding up, served somewhat to console Barry for 
 his heavier losses; and he was rendered particularly 
 happy, as Tom Nettles introduced him to a couple 
 of the chief men of the circus, by whom he was in- 
 vited into the hippodrome itself, and permitted, while 
 yet the day lasted, to behold the vacant scene upon 
 which such wonders were so soon to be enacted, lie 
 was particularly anxious to get a sight of the clown, 
 but did not express his desire ; as he felt that one who 
 was destined so shortly to swallow his own head might 
 very naturally desire to have all the interval to himself, 
 that he might prepare himself for the impending catas- 
 trophe. Here, a table being spread extempore, some 
 cold baked meats were brought forth from a curtained 
 interior; and, with the help of a ham and a loaf, which 
 Nettles gathered from the booths of one of his acquaint- 
 ance, and a stout quart-decanter of French brandy, 
 which the equestrians had brought with them, Jones 
 Barrv was very soon reconciled to the absence of the 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 113 
 
 ladies. The decanter was soon emptied and replenished, 
 and this in time disappearing, the place was occupied 
 by a couple of bottles of tolerable wine. Nettles was 
 fond of strong drink, but he had one of those indurated 
 bends which could bear any degree of soaking without 
 betraying their owners. Jones Barry was much less of 
 a veteran, though he loved good liquors, after a gentle- 
 manly fashion. Enough, however, that, before he left 
 the table, he had become captious and somewhat unruly ; 
 and it was only by adroit management that Nettles 
 could conduct him out of the tabernacle, so as to afford 
 to the manager an opportunity for preparing for the 
 performance of the night. In the open air, Barry was 
 more manageable, though it required an additional sup- 
 ply of stimulus to keep his stomach from entire subju- 
 gation to the hostile power which he had thrown into 
 the territory. Nettles was not unwilling to indulge 
 him. lie was a fellow of fun, and found his capital in 
 this excellent subject. Ho had set out to enjoy a spree, 
 and he was resolved to make a night of it. An hour's 
 wandering about the encampment, for such had the race- 
 course at Ilillabec become for the occasion, and there 
 were a thousand ways for getting up and letting off 
 steam, to employ the slang phraseology of tho region. 
 Wagons were to he upset, drunken men stripped, the tails 
 and manes of horses cropped; these, with other practices, 
 in which the humorists were quite as "rough as ready," 
 served to beguile the interval between the close of the 
 race and tho opening of the circus, But it was tho 
 fortune of Jones Barry to make himself conspicuous 
 in a more important enterprise. The wanderings of our 
 companions in search of adventures led them, with a 
 crowd of others, to nn amphitheatre, about throe hun- 
 dred yards from the race-course, where they witnessed 
 a sport in progress, to which it seemed that nil they 
 had hitherto beheld was mere child's-play, tamo and 
 spiritless. This was a M Q 'andvr-pulUnp l u 
 
 Header, do you know what a gander-pulling is? If 
 you do not, it is quite as well that vou should form some 
 
 10* 
 
114 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 idea of the sources of pleasure to the purely vulgar and 
 uncultivated nature. Man is undoubtedly a beast, un- 
 less you contrive some process for making him a gentle- 
 man ; and there is no question but that, as he has a 
 natural appetite for recreation and pleasure, if you do 
 not contrive for him such as will not be unacceptable to 
 the Deity, the devil will more liberally provide with 
 such as will make the man acceptable only to himself. 
 Gander-pulling, accordingly, is one of those sports 
 which a cunning devil has contrived to gratify a human 
 beast. It appeals to his skill, his agility, and strength ; 
 and is therefore in some degree grateful to his pride : 
 but, as it exercises these qualities at the expense of his 
 humanity, it is only a medium by which his better qua- 
 lities are employed as agents for his worser nature. 
 Gander-pulling has been described as a sort of tourna- 
 ment on horseback; the only difference is that the 
 knight has a {loose for his opponent, instead of a per- 
 son like himself. The man is mounted on horseback, 
 while the goose is mounted upon poles. These poles, 
 or saplings, are thrust firmly into the ground, some 
 twelve feet apart; but they arc united by a cord at the 
 top, which hangs loosely, while, pendent from the ex- 
 tremity, the living gander is fastened by the legs. 
 Here he swings his head, hanging downwards just above 
 the path, between the two saplings, and just high 
 enough to be within reach of the man on horseback. 
 The achievement of the rider is to run his horse, at full 
 speed, at the bird, and, grasping him by the neck, to 
 wringhis head off as he passes on. This is not so easy 
 a performance. The neck of the gander has been pre- 
 viously stripped of all its feathers, and has then been 
 thickly coated with grease or oil. Nothing can be made 
 more slippery ; and, shining and warming in the sun, 
 the glittering neck of the unhappy bird looks like that 
 of a young boa, for the first time practising from the 
 bough, under which he expects the rabbit or the rat to 
 glide. To increase the difficulty of the exploit, and to 
 prevent any unfair delay in the' approach of the assail- 
 
Till? TENNK88KKAN H BTOHY. 11 ft 
 
 ant, four men aro stationed, armed with flails of hickory, 
 on each Bido of the truck, and at proper intorvafs. 
 ThcHo, as tho horse approaches, lay their hickories upon 
 his Hunks; and so unmercifully, as not only to mako him 
 go headlong forward, but frequently to make him bolt 
 tho track in order to escape such unfriendly treatment 
 The courso is laid out on the exterior of a circle some 
 two hundred Coot in diameter; which circuit tho rider 
 must necessarily make before reaching the goose, start- 
 ing from a post which is properly watched by judges, 
 lie is not expected to go at full speed except when with- 
 in twenty yards of the game. Thus guarded, the vic- 
 tim is not so easily decapitated, It is only the expe- 
 rienced horseman, and the experienced sportsman, who 
 can possibly succeed in the endeavor. Young beginners, 
 who look on the achievement as rather easy, are con- 
 stantly haflicd; many find it impossible to keep tho 
 track ; many lose the saddle, and, even where they suc- 
 ceed in missing beneath tho saplings without disaster, 
 they citlicr fail altogether in grasping the goose, which 
 keeps a constant fluttering and screaming; or, they find 
 it impossible to retain their grasn, at full speed, upon 
 the greasy ami eel-like neck and head which they have 
 seized. Meantime, their failure is by no means sauce 
 for the gander. The tug, from which ho at length 
 escapes, makes him feel excessively uncomfortable while 
 it lasts. The oil without does not protect him from se- 
 vere sore-throat within. His voice becomes hoarse with 
 screaming; and, long before his head is fairly off, ho 
 has lost those nicer sensihilities which teach him exactly 
 how tho event took place. The beating and bolting of 
 the horses, the emptying of tho saddles, the failures of 
 tho "pullers," the screams, and wild wing-flapping of 
 tho bird — these constitute the glory of tho entertain- 
 ment; every point iti tho tilting being watched with 
 eager anxiety, and announced with screams and yells 
 from the multitude, which form no bud echoes to tho 
 cries of tho goose. » 
 
 So much for the sport in general. It had boon some 
 
116 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 time in progress, when Nettles and Jones Barry drew 
 nigh. The moment the latter beheld the scene, he at 
 once declared himself the man to take the gander's head. 
 Nettles was very far from discouraging him from an ad- 
 venture which promised fun ; the more particularly as 
 his companion, if not absolutely drunk, was, as they 
 phrase it in Mississippi, "in a state of betweenity," i. e. 
 neither drunk nor sobei . A dozen had already tried 
 their hands without success; but, evidi utly, to the per- 
 fect disquiet of the gander. There he swung aloft ; his 
 wings napping furiously at intervals, and, every now 
 and then, his throat pouring forth a sharp sudden scream, 
 the moment he became conscious of a horse in motion. 
 Barry fixed his eyes upon the shining neck, and shook 
 his hands at the bird, the fingers spreading out, like 
 claws, as he cried to the victim: " Here's the claws 
 that'll have you off, my beauty! You're shining there 
 for me! Who goes a V against Jones Barry? Who, I 
 
 say ? _ Let him show himself, and be !" 
 
 It is to the credit of Nettles that, though willing to 
 see the fun, he would not sutler his companion to be 
 fleeced. He interposed, that his bets should be trifles 
 only, though, in this friendly interposition, he incurred 
 the denunciations of the person whom he saved. Al- 
 ready had he paid for his "matriculation," ami little 
 Logan AVhitesides was dispatched for "Glaucus;" for, 
 though fuddled, Barry was not prepared to employ the 
 "Fair Geraldine," his favorite, for such ignoble pur- 
 poses. 
 
 ''Hurrah for Jones Barry," said Ben Burg; "He 
 ain't too proud to jine in the pleasures of the poor 
 man !" 
 
 " lie's jest drunk enough for any sort of pleasure, 
 poor or rich," was the comment of Lazy Jake Owens. 
 
 " I'll lay you a quarter, Jake," said Burg, " that 
 he'll take the gander." 
 
 " That'll be because he's near kin to him, then." 
 
 "If he does," said a third, "it'll be owing to his 
 liquor. He couldn't do it sober.'' 
 
TIIE TENNESSEEAN'B STORY. 117 
 
 " Shall wo go a quarter on him?" said Burg ; a con- 
 scientious feeling prompting liirn to vindicate, to this 
 extent, the ability of a person from whom he had con- 
 trived to borrow a couplo of half eagles but a few hours 
 before. 
 
 " Make it a half, Burg." 
 " l)-o-n-e I" said the latter, rather slowly. 
 The vulgar look with respect, even while they sneer, 
 at the doings of those above them in fortune or position. 
 It was the fortune of Jones Barry to provoke a sensa- 
 tion always among this class of people. They watched 
 and waited his movements. The gander obtained a 
 brief respite, while the boy went for "Glaucus" — 
 settled down into a drooping quiet, and hushed for a 
 period his screams. Our sprightly little gypsy was 
 not long before appearing with the horse. He was 
 ready saddled and bridled for the heat, and it was with 
 more ambition than agility that our hero contrived to 
 vault into the seat. Then it was that the uproar grew. 
 " Hurrah for Barry !" cried Nettles, at the top of his 
 voice. 
 
 "Who goes a picayune against Barry ?" 
 "Done, with you, 'Squire Nettles." 
 "And here's another! He's no more the chap to take 
 off a gander's head than I am to put it on." 
 " Hurrah for the captain!" cried Burg. 
 " You may hurrah till your throat aches, but that 
 goose will never catch that gander," was the unseemly 
 echo of Lazy Jake Owens. 
 
 A hundred voices joined in the shouting. The boys 
 rolled, and roared, and tumbled, throwing the dust up 
 fifty feet in air, as the knight of the goose prepared 
 to make his passage at arms. -The men with the flails 
 did not need to use their hickories. Barry came on at 
 full speed, and, amidst shouts of congratulation, he kept 
 his horse steadfast along tho track, and through the sap- 
 lings, from whose united tops the gander was suspended. 
 The bird flounced and shrieked, flapping his wings with 
 immense violence. Barry, dropping his bridle in his 
 
118 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 excitement, threw up both hands, and grasped, not the 
 goose, but the rope by which it was suspended. The 
 horse passed instantly from under him, and, for a mo- 
 ment, ho hung in air, the wings of tho gander playing 
 the devil's tattoo rather rapidly upon his face, breast, 
 and shoulders. It was but for an instant, however. The 
 cord, calculated to sustain one goose only, broke under 
 doublo weight, and down came the pair together, the 
 gander uppermost. Never had such a scene been wit- 
 nessed before, in the whole annals of gander-pulling, 
 even from the first dawn of its discovery among our Eu- 
 ropean ancestors. The field rang with' shouts of merri- 
 ment ; a most royal delirium seized upon the republican. 
 Some rolled on the earth in convulsions ; some clapped 
 their hands and shouted; while the boys shot off their 
 guns, to the great confusion and disorder of horseflesh. 
 Barry rose half-stunned and thoroughly bewildered. 
 The gander had revenged himself on our luckless 
 adventurer for all the assaults he had himself sustained. 
 His wings had been busy, from the first moment of their 
 encounter and fall, to that when the parties were sepa- 
 rated, and chiefly upon the face of our hero. His cheeks 
 were scraped rather than scratched ; his nose and mouth 
 were bleeding. His shirt bosom was equally torn and 
 soiled, and his hair was lifted in as much disorder as 
 was .Job's when he beheld the vision of the night. 
 Nettles came to his relief, and had his face washed, 
 while little Logan Whitesides ran after and recovered 
 the horse "Glaucus." Ludicrous as had been tho 
 scene, and much beyond any that the multitude had 
 expected, they were still, now that the first burst of 
 merriment was over, in no mood to lose their usual fun. 
 The gander was re-hoisted, newly greased, and set 
 aloft, screaming with new disquiet as he rose in air. 
 There were twenty gallant youngsters all ready to un- 
 dertake the feat at which Jones Barry had so inglo- 
 riously failed ; but a proper courtesy required that he 
 should be permitted to recover his laurels. But when 
 the thing was proposed to him, he shook his head. He 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 119 
 
 had not quite recovered from the unavoidable confusion 
 of ideas which resulted from the twofold influence of 
 the cognac and the concussion. 
 
 "No, I think not," said he. "Goose, eh! Nettles; 
 •we've had dinner." Such was the seemingly inconse- 
 quential reply; in which, however, Nettles detected the 
 latent meaning. 
 
 " Yes,'' said he, "and ate very heartily, both of us; 
 why should we want the goose ?" 
 
 "Shall we go, Tom?" asked Barry, sobering by de- 
 grees, and feeling rather sham-faced. 
 
 "No!" said the other; "here's Meredith's wagon. 
 He keeps good liquor; we'll take a consoler." And they 
 went aside together to the wagon, where they both ob- 
 tained an apple-toddy, the saccharine property being 
 derived from the best mountain honey, while the apple- 
 brandy was as good as ever filled up the corn-rows at 
 election time. Barry felt better after the beverage, 
 and the two returned to the gander-tournament together. 
 The game was already resumed and in full blast. Three 
 or four assailants had been ba filed. But they usually 
 came up a second and a third time to the scratch. The 
 only discouraging circumstance which finally arrested 
 their efforts being the repeated charges for new entries. 
 The gander was one of fortunate fates ; his owner was 
 delighted to perceive that the instincts of the bird 
 enabled him to anticipate the moment of danger, and to 
 exercise his most rapid movements, just as the grasp 
 was made upon his neck, lie eluded several fingers; 
 but some clutched him, and the "scrag" paid severely 
 from the jerk which followed, even though it finally 
 slipped from the gripe of the enemy. But his voice 
 was suffering, and his action was greatly diminished. 
 It was then that Nettles found himself plucked by the 
 sleeve, and drawn aside by our gypsy boy, Logan White- 
 sides. 
 
 "Well ! what now, Logan?" 
 
 " Why, Squire, ef you'll only ax the capper to let me 
 
120 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 ride ' Gloccus' at tho gander, I'm a thinking I can ease 
 off that head thar, ef 'twas never done afore." 
 
 Nettles found it no difficult matter to persuade Barry, 
 and almost the next assailant of the goose was our 
 urchin. lie certainly looked less like one to " ease off 
 the head" than those who had preceded him. lie 
 was the smallest of all the adventurers ; rode squat, with 
 a stoop, doubling up like a frog or monkey on the leap. 
 But if he lacked in size, he was possessed of rare agili- 
 ty. He was all wire and spring ; and, a fact not gene- 
 rally known, he had been trained to the sport in another 
 county, and when much younger. His ability in riding 
 we have already seen. Nettles was a judge of boys as 
 well as horses. 
 
 "Who covers an X against little Lo^an AYhitcsides." 
 
 " I'll do that same," cried Lazy Jake Owens, and 
 there were other customers for similar amounts. Net- 
 tles soon found that he had nearly a hundred upon the 
 fate of the gander. It was not long in suspense. 
 
 " Go ahead, Logan!" was the cry of Nettles. 
 
 The boy obeyed him. The boys rushed after their 
 hero with a shout. lie himself shouted, and the de- 
 scending Hails of tho men of hickory scarcely grazed 
 the haunches of the fleetly-hurrying " Glaucus." In a 
 moment, he had reached the foot of the scaffolding from 
 tho top of which hung the victim. The bird uttered 
 tremendous screams, and flapped his wings wide and 
 heavily. Then could the gypsy boy be seen to crouch, 
 then to shoot upwards like an arrow, and the next mo- 
 ment he was through the saplings, bearing aloft the 
 head, windpipe, and all of the gander but his body; — 
 the segregated throat continuing to pour scream upon 
 scream, convulsively, as the urchin waved the head of 
 the bird in triumph over his own. The field shook with 
 the uproar of rejoicing, and little Logan AVhitesidcs pro- 
 mised to become the hero of the county. He won not 
 a little in more solid coin than praises. lie too had his 
 bets abroad, and was calling in his fips and picayunes, 
 his bits and quarters, from a considerable space around 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 121 
 
 him, while Nettles, with equal satisfaction, was remind- 
 ing sundry of his neighbors of a certain handsome letter 
 ot the alphabet whose name was X. Barry, too, was 
 in a Tiigh state of exultation, for was it not his " Glau- 
 cus by whom the victory was won ? 
 
 11 
 
122 AS GOOD AS A comedy: OR, 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 HOW TIIE HERO OF THE CIRCUS MAY SWALLOW HIS OWN 
 OR HIS NEIGHBOR'S HEAD. 
 
 Altogether, tho events of the day had not tended 
 to soothe the humors nor satisfy the self-esteem of Mr. 
 Jones Barry. The first excitement* over, by which 
 even the defeated may be temporarily sustained, he 
 began to reflect upon his losses. His favorite mare had 
 been discredited ; and though " Glaucus' ' had retrieved in 
 the sweepstakes the honor which he might have been 
 supposed to have forfeited in the first races, yet this 
 could in no respect compensate f6r the defeat of the 
 ''Fair Geraldine," coupled as was this defeat with the 
 loss of several "cool hundreds." It was in due degree 
 with the increasing soberness of Barry, that he began 
 thus moodily to meditate events. The conflict with the 
 gander, which had left him with a head and neck quite 
 as sore as his moral feelings, had somewhat subdued his 
 vanity ; and he really began to think, as people had 
 long since begun to say, behind his back, that he had 
 been making a great fool of himself, Reflections such as 
 these, were they allowed to continue, would probably 
 almost always result in the improvement of the indi- 
 vidual. But, in the case of weak persons, who have been 
 accustomed to avoid and escape such reflections, and 
 whom fortune and circumstances enable to do so, it is 
 scarcely possible for such a mood of mind to continue long. 
 There are always some good-natured friends in every 
 fool's circle, to assist in keeping him a fool; and, by 
 interposing at moments when self-esteem is beginning 
 to be rightly humbled, they succeed in silencing the 
 officious monitor, either by well-sugared falsehoods and 
 
THE TENNESSEBAN'S STORY. 123 
 
 specious flatteries, or by doing what our excellent sports- 
 man, Tom Nettles, conceived it proper for him to do on 
 the present occasion. 1 le saw, as the effects of the apple- 
 toddy subsided, that Jones Barry was about to sink into 
 sullenness, which he regarded as a sort of stupidity; and 
 he knew but one specific in all such cases, and that 
 was to repeat the dose which had been found already 
 so effectual ; they stopped, accordingly, at a wagon on 
 which they saw conspicuous a pine sapling above a 
 barrel, and were soon gratified with the beverage they 
 sought. The spirits of Barry rose with the draught. 
 The effect was so pleasant that another was called for, 
 and, by the time that the two had reached the entrance 
 of the hippodrome, our brave gander-puller avowed 
 himself as expert a rider on double horses as any fellow 
 in the circus. 
 
 "It's true I've never seen 'em, Tom," said he, "but 
 I've heard of them often enough. Joe Smith used to 
 tell me of what he'd seen in Savannah and Augusta. 
 Now, Joe used to say of my riding, I was fit to be in 
 the circus. For a cool hundred now, I'd ride against 
 the crack fellow of this company, who, I suppose, is no 
 
 great shakes, and by , if they give me a chance 
 
 to-night, I'll challenge the whole kit and boiling of 
 'em." 
 
 " Oh, you be k d, Barry," said the other, irreve- 
 rently : " you arc the greatest brag I ever heard. Let 
 yourself alone, and don't be trying to be everything. 
 You're quite enough as you are. You are a good-look- 
 ing little fellow." 
 
 " Little !" exclaimed Barry : " By gracious, Nettles, 
 I'm as good a man as you are, any day." 
 
 " So you are, but not as big !" 
 
 " Little ! But I don't suppose you meant any insult, 
 Nettles, for you said ' good-looking too.' ' 
 
 "So I did! I say, you're a devilish good-looking 
 little fellow ; you're rich, and have everything you 
 want. Y'ou can ride, though you're quite too heavy 
 for <Gcraldine.' " 
 
124 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 "Yet you say I'm little." 
 
 " Yes, little and not light. You see, you're a sort 
 of chunk of a fellow, with more girth than legs, and a 
 leotle too ambitious for your weight, Jones." 
 " You're mighty plain spoken, Tom." 
 " Why yes ; friends have a privilege, you know." 
 "0 yes — to be sure ; but look you, Tom, I feel mon- 
 strous like licking the best friend in the world, when he 
 calls me little." 
 
 " Well, you don't lick me, for two reasons ; the first is, 
 that I won't let you, and the next is, that you won't let 
 yourself. But look you, Jones, this is dry talking, and 
 1 see you're in bad spirits ; let's look after some good ones. 
 There's a wagon there ; I reckon we'll find something. 
 Let's take another drink, and we'll be fresh for tho 
 circus." 
 
 "Agreed," said the other; and, as they rolled over 
 to the opposite side of the road, amid a confused assem- 
 blage of carts, carringes, and wagons, >iho unsteady 
 gait of Barry showed but too certainly that tho apple- 
 toddy had been already too potent for his perpendicu- 
 lar. 
 
 " Bide!" said he. " By gracious, Tom, I could strad- 
 dle a barrel of peach, and make it streak away as fast 
 as them circus fellows make their horses." 
 
 " Humph ! If you go on at this rate, your swallow 
 will be as good as the clown's, who means to take in his 
 own head, you know." 
 
 "And you, Tom, you a fellow of sense, to believe 
 that cock-and-a-bull story !" 
 
 " Believe what you please, but here's the liquor. 
 Ho ! there, Gerdts — that you V 
 Kettles knew the whole country. 
 " What's left of me, 'Squire. But what'll you have ? 
 Here's mountain-peach, and here's apple." 
 
 " The apple, then, with a bed of honey for it to dream 
 upon. I stick to the apple, Jones ; 1 never mix my 
 liquors if I can help it." 
 
 "What!" cried the other, with a grin; "afraid! 
 
TI1E TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 125 
 
 Tom Nettles ; afraid of two liquors ! Halloo ! there, old 
 Gerdts, you don't know me; never mind; give me both ; 
 peach and apple; who's afraid? Equal parts, old still, 
 and no slow charcoal dropping. Ease my eye, quickly; 
 it's strained by the heavy sunshine." 
 
 Barry was becoming pleasantly perverse, and was 
 in the very humor for all sorts of cross purposes. 
 When conducted with some difficulty by his friend, 
 they entered the amphitheatre where they had taken 
 their dinner that day. The scene was now changed as 
 if by magic. The place was thoroughly lighted, a per- 
 fect blaze of splendor, which showed, conspicuously 
 clear, the remotest parts of the pavilion. The seats, 
 which encircled three-fourths of the area, were occupied 
 almost entirely. Our two friends were compelled to 
 take places on the lowest bench, and within a foot of 
 the small rim of earth which had been heaped up around 
 the ring, rather as a mark than a barrier. There was 
 no fence to keep the spectators from the track, and to 
 check the erring vaultings of a vicious horse and an 
 inferior rider. The seats were divided into two great 
 and equal sections, one assigned to the whites and the 
 other to the blacks. They were raised (a rude scaffolding 
 of plank) to the very eves of the tent, and the heads of 
 the visitors were in close neighborhood with the shaking 
 canvas. Hundreds of showy damsels, with ribbons 
 and feathers flying, might be seen, all impatience and 
 sunny smiles, their several gallants being eager in de- 
 scribing what they knew, and what they anticipated. 
 Many of these had cornea great distance to the sports 
 of Hillabee ; as, in ancient times, they flocked to the 
 amusements of the tournament ; and for the same rea- 
 son, the equal desire for recreation and novelty, and 
 the want of great cities, which afford these habitually. 
 The dress circle was eminently well filled. The girls 
 and boys had crowded in from all parts of the country. 
 Ancient ladies, who had heard vague tidings of the cir- 
 cus, or had probably had glimpses of such a vision in 
 their youthful days, came hither to revive old memories, 
 
 11* 
 
126 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 or to gratify long-cherished desires. The old gentle- 
 men necessarily accompanied their wives and kindred. 
 The farmer was curious to see the reality of those spec- 
 tacles of which great pictures had already been made 
 to adorn his hamlet, and jockeys naturally came wher- 
 ever the heroism of horseflesh could be made to tell. 
 The negroes were not less curious. Hundreds were in 
 attendance, from all quarters. They had trudged or 
 trotted on foot, on mule, in wagon, for ten or fifteen 
 miles the night before, to see sights and wonders. Each 
 was in his best. Bright calicoes flamed on every side, 
 to the very summit of their circumscribed domain; 
 and all was hope and expectation, as Jones Barry and 
 Tom Nettles made their appearance, and scrambled to 
 a seat. 
 
 They were not kept in waiting long. The spectacle 
 soon began. Horses, pied and spotted, and of all 
 colors, made their nppcarance. Children rode, women 
 rode, the clown rode, and it was all sorts of riding. Of 
 course, we shall not pretend to describe a spectacle with 
 which everybody is more or less familiar. Journeys to 
 Brentford, Gilpin's race, and several other pieces were 
 enacted. The equestrians had their share of applause; 
 but, after all, the glory of the spectacle was in that 
 comical fellow, the clown. Buried in a grotesque and 
 monstrous Egyptian mask, his face thoroughly concealed, 
 and so artfully that its location could not exactly be de- 
 termined, his voice seemed to come from some vaulted 
 and hollow apartment below the ground. His antics 
 were indescribable. His jugglery alone must demand 
 our attention, as it somewhat involved one of our acquaint- 
 ance. It happened that the scene required our clown 
 to take wine with an African magician. He was mo- 
 mently expecting him, and he was proceeding to show 
 the audience how he should bamboozle the magician, and 
 finally "swallow his soul." 
 
 " Swallow his soul !" exclaimed Barry, in horror, to 
 Nettles. 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 127 
 
 " He'll do it!" said the other, gravely. "You'll 
 see." 
 
 "Here, now," exclaimed the clown, "is a brandy- 
 cocktail in which I've buried Mumbo- Jumbo's soul. 
 It's the most beautiful drink in the world ; perhaps you'd 
 like to try it?" said he, and he very courteously pre- 
 sented it to our two friends. Barry saw, as he fancied, 
 some of the fine cognac of which he had partaken freely 
 in that very place, on that very day; and, being exceed- 
 ingly thirsty, he innocently and incontinently ex- 
 claimed — 
 
 " I don't care if I do — thank you !" Speaking thus, 
 he rose and put forth his hand ; but, by an adroit move- 
 ment, throwing the long bunch of streamers from his 
 fool's cap full in the face of our hero, the clown gulped 
 down the beverage himself, exclaiming — 
 
 " Perhaps you'll wait till you can get it !" 
 
 The audience roared with delight. Furious at his 
 disappointment, and the ridiculous figure which ho cut, 
 Barry at once mounted the clown ; and, at the first 
 grasp, tore away what seemed to be the entire head and 
 neck of the unfortunate jester. With this terrible evi- 
 dence in his clutches, he looked around him aghast, 
 scarcely daring to guess tho extent of his achievement. 
 The clown, meanwhile, had retreated at the first assault, 
 and before Harry could recover his wits and equilibrium, 
 for he could not well anticipate a renewal of t no conflict 
 from one whoso entire caput ho carried in his hand, tho 
 mountebank, squatting low, darted between tho legs of 
 our hero ; who had, in some measure, straddled tho littlo 
 circuit of earth by which the ring was circumscribed. 
 The face of Barry was to the audience, and tho assault 
 of the clown surprised him. Ho was lifted from his feet 
 before ho apprehended danger; and his assailant, rising 
 under his burden, which he did not seem to feel, trotted 
 with him quite across tho arena. Barry was thus car- 
 ried forward horizontally, his head addressing tho white, 
 and his heels tho negro portion, of the assembly* 
 
 "Tom Nettlos— Tom:" was all that tho poor fellow 
 
128 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 could articulate, but lie screamed and kicked tremen- 
 dously. His efforts were wasted on the air. The clown 
 had only attained his great flexibility by exercises which 
 had imparted the most wonderful power to his muscles, 
 and Barry was but a child in his grasp. His struggle 
 only increased the fun. The audience shrieked "and 
 howled with delight, in proportion to the futile efforts of 
 the captive ; and when they beheld the captor hurry 
 with his prey to the negro side of the house, and saw 
 him pitch the unfortunate gentleman headlong into the 
 arms of a great fat negro wench, one of the most enor- 
 mous in the assembly, who sat trickling with oleaginous 
 sweat, on the third tier, one would have thought the 
 whole pavilion would have come down with the delirious 
 shouts of the multitude. 
 
 " Here's an abolitionist for you, mother Possum-fat !" 
 cried the clown, as he plumped poor Barry into her 
 embrace. 
 
 "I no want 'em !" cried the woman, shuffling herself 
 free from the burden. Barry, rolling out of her lap, con- 
 tinued to roll down the successive tiers, until he came 
 plump into the soft bed of sand and sawdust, which had 
 been prepared for a very different animal. Furious with 
 rage, he rose to his feet, and, seizing a pole with which 
 one of the equestrians had been balancing, he darted 
 headlong at the offending clown. 
 
 "Hurrah, red-jacket! Hurrah, clown!" were the 
 several cries of the audience. "Hurrah, Captain!" 
 was the more cordial shout of recognition and encour- 
 agement from those who personally knew our hero: 
 u that's being into him with a long pole, indeed !" 
 
 But the clown had no idea of meeting such an enemy, 
 armed in such a fashion; ami, eluding the tremendous 
 blow and thrust with which Barry addressed hi.s ribs, 
 he vaulted clear over the shoulder of the latter and dis- 
 appeared behind the screen which sheltered the actor 
 from the audience. His enemy thus out of sight, the 
 furious champion proceeded to wreak his vengeance upon 
 the inanimate objects around him. The scene in which 
 
THK TKNNBSSRBAN'fl 8T0HY. 120 
 
 tho clown wn» to have tricked tho African magician 
 out of Ilia soul was ii most oxniiiHito pardon of Bagdad. 
 There were stands of beautiful llowors, vases of groat 
 magnitude, statues, and several rich things l»y way of 
 ornament and decoration, which, seen through the mo- 
 dimn of distance, or by the aid of flickering lights, 
 looked to he very proeious, There was also a sort of 
 close bower, a framework draped with silk, in which 
 the cunning down had placed n Bleeping beauty. She 
 was not the smallest part of the temptations with which 
 the sold of the magician was to he entrapped, Barry, 
 with his pole, had already thrown down one or two of the 
 wooden llower-vnses, with their precious contents, and 
 his nolo now descended upon the bower, which a singlo 
 stroke served to precipitate to the ground. To the sur- 
 prise of the nssailant, not less than the assembly, up 
 sprang from the ruins a most beautifully dressed damsel ; 
 young, pretty, and habited liko a Sultana* It was for- 
 tunate, indeed, that the weight of the polo had not 
 fallen upon her, But it has grazed sufficiently closo to 
 arouse all her fury ; not waiting an instant, h)\o darted 
 upon oar hero, and, drawing the little stiletto which she 
 wore as a part of her Oriental costume, lie might have 
 been made to pay seriously for his frolic; for the rngo 
 of the woman was apparent in her closely set teeth and 
 her llro-gleaining eyos, Hat Harry seized her arm, us 
 she struck, and dropping his polo stood only on the de- 
 fensive. The farce began to look greatly like tragedy, 
 The enraged woman now shrieked and struggled.. Ilcr 
 husband rushed out from the interior, armed with an 
 axe. The clown again mado his appearance, followed 
 by the whole troupe, each seizing whatever weapon offered 
 us he came. There were sailors, and Turks, and magi- 
 cians, and even little Cupid's urchins, two feet high, 
 whom papa and mamma were thus assiduously training 
 in the way they should not go. These all confronted 
 our unlucky jockey with the most uncompromising fury 
 in their looks, lie had spoiled the proceedings, thrown 
 tho assembly into tho most admired disorder, and it was 
 
130 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 justice only that doornail him to a condign punishment. 
 But, it' they were formidable, Barry now no longer 
 stood alone. Tom Nettles was by his side, and the 
 long pole which Barry had discarded was in his grasp. 
 
 " Hillabee boys," he cried aloud, "bring out your 
 hickories!" 
 
 Twenty vigorous youngsters sprang out at the sum- 
 mons, and ranged themselves on the side of the ama- 
 teurs. Great clubs of knotted hickories were already 
 flourishing high ; and, forgetting his late danger, Jones 
 Barry already felt that he was a hero. He still main- 
 tained his grasp upon the Sultana, and seemed disposed 
 to carry her off as the captive to his bow and spear, 
 when the cool voice of Nettles commanded him to let 
 her go. lie did so ; and the sleeping beauty, now wide 
 awake, darted into the arms of the magician, who was 
 her husband, upon whose bosom she sobbed convulsively, 
 as at a providential escape from a great danger. Thus 
 the parties stood, confronting each other; both looking 
 firm and fierce enough, and threatening trouble. Not 
 only did the whole troupe of equestrians range them- 
 selves for battle under the leadership of the clown, but 
 one of the horses coolly marched in, covered with 
 panoply, and, thrusting his head over that worthy's 
 shoulder, seemed to promise him suflicient backing, and 
 in truth looked very formidable. It was a scene ; the 
 clown, as a matter of course, opposed himself to Barry, 
 who, armed with a pole, looked aghast at the twofold 
 conflict before him, in the threatening aspect of both 
 horse and rider. But Nettles fortunately knew the head 
 men of the company. lie said — 
 
 "My friends, this is altogether a mistake, which I 
 can easily explain, and, I trust, easily reconcile. There's 
 no fun in fighting, though we're by no means afraid, as 
 you may see, to meet any number of men or horses. 
 But there's no real cause of quarrel between us; and 
 if you're agreed, we'll separate our forces. The boys 
 of Hillabee will retire to their seats, keeping their 
 hickories warm, lest we should want them again ; and 
 
THE tennesseean's story. 131 
 
 the gentlemen of the circus will go on with their exer- 
 cises as before. In the mean time, Mr. Barry and my- 
 self will retire with the manager here, and -we'll adjust 
 the difliculty in private together." A suggestion so 
 politic was acceptable to all parties, though, once on the 
 ground, the Ilillabee boys did not relish the idea of re- 
 turning without having done something glorious by way 
 of showing how well their destructive faculties had been 
 developed. Barry was a little scrupulous about entering 
 the mysterious sanctum to which thc'clown and the Sul- 
 tana had retired, but, having great confidence in Nettles, 
 and being assured by the great coolness and confidence 
 of the latter, he followed him and the manager into the 
 place of retreat. Here he found himself amidst a motley 
 group. Horses were staring them in the face on all 
 hands. Some of the equestrians were already mounted. 
 Here in one corner was a trunk and box ; there a table 
 and chair ; and there a chest ; and there a bundle ; and 
 there the uniform of a giant; and there the dozen 
 masks and jackets of the clown. There, too, re- 
 covered from the dust and danger of the arena, was 
 the unlueky colossal mask and headdress which our 
 hero had torn off from his enemy at the first encounter. 
 Nettles walked in with the air of a man perfectly at 
 home. 
 
 "And now," said he, "Diavolo," addressing the 
 clown, " let us begin the work of peace, as you begun 
 the war. Prepare us one of those excellent brandy 
 cocktails with which you tempted my friend to despe- 
 ration. Had you known the diabolical thirst that's 
 been troubling both of us the last three hours, you'd 
 have known 'twas quite as much as your head was 
 worth to mock us with anything half so delightful. 
 Quick, now ; and let there be peace between us !" 
 
 The arrangement promised to be satisfactory to all 
 parties. The cocktails were speedily prepared ; pre- 
 pared in a nice-looking, brass-bound bucket, of dimen- 
 sions to guarantee a sufficient taste of the beverage for 
 all the troupe. The bowls were filled; hands were 
 
132 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 shaken ; eyes glistened ; and, with the consent of the 
 magician, his lovely Sultana freely bestowed the kiss of 
 peace upon our hero. The example was gratuitously 
 followed by the clown, whose embrace and salutation 
 were distinctly stamped upon the front of Barry, in 
 unequal decorations of vermilion and burnt cork. Their 
 embraces seemed to affect the dextrous Tom Nettles 
 with a serious delight. 
 
 44 How beautiful," said he, " is it to behold brethren 
 thus dwelling in amity together ! AVhat a spectacle ! 
 It is necessary that the audience should see it ; that 
 they should see that this is no mockery ; but that the 
 foes have freely exchanged forgiveness. Another 
 draught from the bucket, gentlemen," said he, address- 
 ing Barry and the clown, " and then go forth that the 
 people may witness those beautiful embraces." 
 
 Barry had no scruples about the dram, but he rather 
 hung back at the proposal for the embrace in public. 
 His reluctance disappeared with the draught. He 
 swore that Diavolo was the best fellow in the world, 
 and made the finest cocktails ; and, with an arm about 
 each other's waist, each bearing a cocktail in hand, they 
 emerged from the canopy into the area, and drank to 
 each other, and the audience. If war exulted in the 
 previous scene, philanthropy was proportionally happy 
 now. The audience were ravished. The old ladies 
 wept. The old men thought it just as well ; and the 
 negroes were perfectly well satisfied ; wondering only a 
 little to behold a man drinking with such a capacious 
 swallow, who had so recently been deprived of his head. 
 All seemed perfectly well satisfied but young Ilillabcc, 
 from whom some discordant hisses were heard to rise, 
 while the unemployed hickories were made to clatter 
 against the sides of the benches. 
 
 " There's a drop yet in the bucket," whispered the 
 clown to his new comrade. The hint was not lost upon 
 Barry. He returned to the sanctum, where he found 
 his friend Tom Nettles. There they remained till the 
 performances were over, and the crowd departed ; when 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 133 
 
 they "were invited to a hot supper with the troupe, in 
 the great area of the pavilion. The invitation was not 
 to be disregarded. The equestrians lived well ; and 
 Barry and his friend were both hungry. But, were it 
 liot so, the wishes of the latter would scarcely have had 
 any weight upon our delighted hero, lie had been the 
 hero of the night, though after a. somewhat doubtful 
 fashion, it is true ; but he had been conspicuous, and 
 had come out of the scene with applause. Of course, 
 he could not doubt that it was his appearance which 
 was so warmly welcomed when he had come forth in 
 the embraces of the clown. The clapping and shouting 
 seemed to him the most grateful sounds to which ho 
 had ever listened ; and the brandy cocktails were the 
 most delicious of mortal beverages. It was a night of glo- 
 rification. The supper-table was spread. His friend was 
 placed on one side of the manager ; he occupied the 
 other. Beside him, sat the lovely wife of the magician, 
 whose graciousness never even provoked the frowns of 
 her mysterious lord. At first, Jones Barry felt a little 
 squeamish on this subject. AVhenshe gazed so tenderly 
 in his eyes, and suffered her finger to rest so impres- 
 sively on his wrist, he felt a dubiousness, and looked 
 his doubts at the husband. But he knew not the indif- 
 ference of professional magic to those mortal subjects. 
 The latter saw everything without discomposure ; and, 
 after a Httle turn of hesitation and doubt, our hero de- 
 livered himself up, soul and body, to all the intoxica- 
 tion of a conviction that he had won the heart of this 
 most beautiful of all the creatures of Faery. They 
 drank together, and whispered together. The hours 
 waxed late. Barry sang a comic song, at the instance 
 of Nettles, and, at the conclusion, was more delighted 
 than astounded, as his Sultana, throwing her arms 
 about his neck, and seating herself in his lap, in the 
 face of all the assembly, called him the finest little fel- 
 low in the world, lie did not know how he should re- 
 compense such devotion, but by forcing a great ring from 
 his upon her finger. She coyly suffered him, in a mo- 
 12 
 
134 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 ment after, to transfer the diamond breastpin from his 
 to her bosom. He put it there himself; and all this 
 the magician saw without seeming to regard it as in any 
 wise improper. The next morning, Barry found him- 
 self where ho had supped, sleeping upon one of the* 
 benches, with a bundle of straw under his head, and 
 one of the horse-cloths, green and scarlet, spread above 
 his body. Tom Nettles, as ho opened his eyes, was to 
 bo seen standing with the manager at a little distance, 
 and mixing a couple of rosy anti-fogmatics. 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 135 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 THE HUMORS OF THE CIRCUS. 
 
 Barry was not the man to suffer from headaches; 
 but his stomach -was one that needed to be fortified by 
 tonics. The sight of his friend, when lie discovered the 
 occupation in which he was engaged, fully aroused him. 
 He was on his feet in an instant, jerking up his trousers, 
 and approaching Nettles with the haste ot a person who 
 fears that he may come too late. But there were some 
 particulars in which Nettles never abandoned his com- 
 panion. He was emphatically what young people call 
 " a good fellow," and good fellowship implies the neces- 
 sity of assisting your friend and facilitating his ready 
 attainment of all desirable indulgences. In making an 
 anti-fogmatic for himself, he had not forgotten his com- 
 rade. There was a huge vessel before him, where the 
 beverage stood in waiting, and Tom, Jones Barry, and 
 the manager of the amphitheatre, were soon engaged in 
 a hob-a-nobbing match that didn't stop at a single stoop. 
 Barry declared himself quite happy. He had enjoyed 
 a pleasant dream of the magician's wife, and he natu- 
 rally inquired after her. 
 
 " Look in," said Tom Nettles, with a smirk to the 
 manager which Barry did not perceive, while he point- 
 ed the latter to the sanctum where the reconciliation 
 had taken place the night before. AYithout a moment's 
 hesitation, our little hero followed the finger, and found 
 himself in the lady's dressing-room, her toilet only be- 
 gun, and she, in the most loose undress in the world, 
 employed before the broken mirror which hung from ono 
 of the uprights of the tent. Barry was astounded, 
 and would have started back; but she saw him in the 
 
13G AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 glass, find, wheeling round, at once summoned him, 
 though in the very sweetest accents, to approach. 
 
 u You are just in time," said she; " 1 wanted some- 
 body to lace my jackets." 
 
 "Jackets!" exclaimed Barry, aghast. 
 
 " Yes, to be sure ! Come now, you're a nice little 
 fellow, I know. Let me see — you have small, fingers. 
 Show yourself diligent, and help me to fix myself. 
 That man of mine never gives me any assistance. 
 There he sleeps. Look at him. lie will snore till noon, 
 and never fairly wakens till it's time to dress for the 
 performance." 
 
 She pointed to the end of a wagon that appeared 
 under a corner of the tent, from which, sure enough, 
 the ears of Barry detected a very decided snore. But 
 this did not encourage him. He was utterly astounded 
 at the new duty required at his hands. In all his ex- 
 perience, he had never before laced a woman's corsets 
 — or unlaced them ; and he scarcely knew how to under- 
 stand the Sultana. But seeing his hesitation, Sultana- 
 like, she stamped her little foot, and repeated her orders. 
 She did not leave him long doubtful that she was in 
 earnest. 
 
 "Come," said she, "what do you wait for? Is it 
 because you're bashful? Well! at your age! But you 
 needn't be, here! We know a thing or two! we've nofalso 
 modesty here, I assure you. A leg's a leg, with us. We 
 talk plainly, and are not the worse for it. We don't 
 make a fuss about shadows as long as we keep the sub- 
 stance; and indeed, it's only those who have lost the sub- 
 stance that do. Come, stir yourself, and there's a kiss 
 to begin with, by way of recompense." 
 
 A few moments found our hero awkwardly busy with 
 the waist of the Sultana. While thus engaged, the 
 manager and Tom Nettles came in. 
 
 "That woman," said the manager aloud, "has tired 
 out every member of the troupe in lacing her. She 
 will have her waist brought within the narrowest com- 
 pass, and she breaks her cords daily in trying to make it 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 137 
 
 smaller. There's not a hand among us that she has 
 not made sore in the abominable work, and now she 
 take* to our visitors." 
 
 "And why not?" said the Sultana, with the air of the 
 orient. "Is he not rewarded? It is not often he is 
 permitted to study a good model." 
 
 "A little too round, madame," said the manager. 
 
 "Too round!" screamed the Sultana. 
 
 "Not a bit," said Tom Nettles, coolly interposing to 
 span the waist. " An exquisite union of symmetry and 
 strength." 
 
 "Strength!" demanded madame. 
 
 "Yes, to be sure; strength is necessary to grace, even 
 in a woman. It's the mistake of too many of the sex 
 that an air of feebleness is supposed to imply delicacy. 
 It is rather the reverse. I wish to see vigor with grace; 
 and a woman ought to seem as capable of a fine wrestle 
 as of a fine sentiment." 
 
 "I've a great mind to trip your heels for that," said 
 the Sultana, pertly. 
 
 "And if I am to take a fall, I should wish for no 
 worse embrace than yours. But I leave Barry to the 
 danger. He's a better wrestler than myself, and it 
 strikes me that his lacing begins to look much more like 
 hugging. Beware, Jones, or I'll tell your sweetheart." 
 
 Barry blushed to the roots of his hair. 
 
 "lias he a sweetheart? Is he in love?" demanded 
 the Sultana. 
 
 "The dancrer is that he is in love with more than he 
 
 o 
 
 can manage. Yesterday ho loved but one woman. 
 What lessons you have taught him, since that time, may 
 be guessed from the way he performs the present opera- 
 tion. Ilis lacing is very like embracing ; and, if he 
 goes on at this rate, he'll be for a wrestle in earnest." 
 
 "And if he is," said the magician, suddenly thrusting 
 his head upward from the tail of the wagon, "I'll en- 
 gage that Nell can throw him, or any man in company." 
 
 "Nell! Oh, you wretch!" cried the Sultana. 
 "Nell !" She was Madame Zerlina, in the bill of the 
 
 12* 
 
138 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 performance. "Was ever such a monster! How he 
 takes a woman's name in vain ! Do some of you give 
 him his dram, his phlegm-cutter, his antifogmatic, or 
 whatever else he calls it, that he may sober himself to a 
 civil way of speaking." 
 
 " Ay, Nell, bring it yourself." 
 
 The wife seized a tumbler that stood on a chest beside 
 her, and held it to Nettles, who filled it from the flagon 
 which had been brought in by the manager. She darted 
 away the next moment to her magician, without seeming 
 to remember that Barry, who, in his clumsiness, was 
 still busy at the strings of her bodice, was compelled 
 to follow after her, or lose the ends of the cord which 
 had been confided to his care. 
 
 " There, you !" she cried, thrusting the drink into his 
 clutches. 
 
 " Isn't she a beauty ?" said the magician, with a leer 
 to Barry, as he took the liquor. Barry could only 
 smile and simper, and look silly. 
 
 " Beauty !" said she; "too much of a beauty for you. 
 That's the way he flatters a woman, with Beauty! Beauty! 
 on his lips, said half-asleep, and his mouth opening on 
 the quart-pot, which alone made him waken up. You 
 don't talk of my beauties now, but you feel them." 
 
 "Yes, indeed," said Nettles, "and he'll stay feeling 
 them all day if you'll let him." 
 
 "Oh, Tom!" murmured Barry with a grin. 
 
 "Don't you mind him," said the Sultana. "Have 
 you done now. There !" she exclaimed, wheeling about 
 and grasping the unsuspecting Barry in her arms, giv- 
 ing him an embrace, before releasing him, that half took 
 away his breath. " There, that's your reward. It isn't 
 often a fine woman bestows a squeeze upon her sweetheart, 
 and I only do it now to show you what your friend 
 means, when he says that the beauty of a woman means 
 vigor as well as grace. If you'd like to try the wrestle 
 alter the squeeze, say the word, and I'm ready for you." 
 
 "And I'll go a hundred on Nell ngainst "the field," 
 cried the husband, from the wagon. 
 
the tennesseean's story. 139 
 
 " Oh, beast there, with your Nell," cried the heroine, 
 indignantly. ''I've done everything, I've even thrashed 
 him, to teach him good manners, but it's so much love 
 and labor thrown away.'' 
 
 "But how about the wrestle? Who takes me up?" 
 demanded the husband. The Sultana herself looked 
 about her with the eye of a challenger. She was still 
 only dressed in part, and her fine bust and figure af- 
 forded not a bad idea of Cleopatra. Her breasts seemed 
 breaking through the very partial restraints upon them, 
 and her arms, partly bare, were admirably white and 
 rounded, revealing that equal union of muscular and 
 flesh development which crowns the person with 
 strength, without lessening its beauty. By this time, 
 however, the admiration of Jones Barry had in some 
 degree given way to misgivings and apprehension. His 
 sense of the beauty of the woman was somewhat im- 
 paired by his disquiet at her boldness. The privileges 
 to which he had been admitted had certainly shown no 
 warmth or feeling on her part, and, in fact, she had 
 treated him rather like a boy than a man. He was 
 awed and abashed by her manners, rather than de- 
 lighted with her charms ; and the single squeeze which 
 she had so gratuitously bestowed upon him was quite 
 sufficient to satisfy him, without desiring the wrestle. 
 He accordingly said nothing, while Nettles, with exem- 
 plary coolness, quietly remarked that " he, perhaps, 
 should have no serious objection to the trial, could he 
 be sure of fair play, but as he had never found that 
 from a woman yet, he was not disposed to incur any un- 
 necessary risk." 
 
 By this time one of the subordinates made his ap- 
 pearance, announcing breakfast in the amphitheatre. 
 Nettles gallantly assisted the lady in completing her 
 toilet, and this affair adjusted, he gave her his arm, 
 and conducted her into the temple. He was followed 
 by Barry, who felt nothing but envy at the ease and 
 readiness with which his friend performed the duties of 
 the courtier. The equestrians played the part of hosts 
 
140 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 with great liberality and good-humor, and the meal lin- 
 gered for more than an hour, in which, "while the cates 
 ■were various and ample, they constituted but a minor 
 portion of the attraction. The coolness, readiness, 
 great resource, experience, and anecdote of these per- 
 formers furnished an unfailing subject of "wonder to 
 Barry. They seemed to know everything about the 
 world, and some of them seemed quite at home on the 
 subject of books. Zerlina, our Sultana, or "Noll," as 
 the magician, her husband, persisted in calling her, 
 •was quite a dabbler in literature. She was read in the 
 dramatic poets, and had an ambition for the stage, 
 •which some mysterious influence prevented her from 
 seeking to gratify. She made frequent exhibitions, at 
 the entreaty of Nettles, of her powers, while reading 
 favorite passages, and thus increased the degree of awe 
 and admiration which Barry already entertained for 
 her. Her civilities were somewhat less free than they 
 had been the night before, but they were still such as 
 a matron might readily bestow upon a moderately grown 
 boy. Poor Barry, though pleased with much of this 
 sort of petting, was yet humbled by it ! and it was with 
 something of a feeling of relief that he received a hint 
 from Nettles that it was time to depart. The troupe 
 were to exhibit another night at Ilillabee, as the mul- 
 titude, though diminished, was still sufficiently large to 
 compensate the performance. There were extemporary 
 races throughout the day, but generally with common 
 horses. To these neither Barry nor Nettles greatly 
 inclined, and their, separation from their hosts of the hip- 
 podrome was pretty much a leave-taking of the field. 
 Nettles had known the manager, the magician, and the 
 fair Zerlina, some time before, and they parted as old 
 friends. The Sultana squeezed Barry's hands with a 
 frank earnestness, as she bade him good-by, telling him 
 he was a nice fellow, and she should always remember 
 him by his gifts, pointing to his ring and breastpin. 
 It was with a twinge that our hero heard this speech. 
 He thought sulkilv of the half-maudlin tenderness of 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 141 
 
 the night before, in which lie had been beguiled of 
 jewels that he would prefer to sec on very different 
 fingers. The thoughts of Nettles, in some degree, took 
 the same direction with his own. As they rode together 
 homeward, and when they had fairly emerged from con- 
 tact with the multitude, the former, with a quizzical 
 smile, said to Barry — 
 
 44 1 say, Jones, what the d — 1 would your sweetheart, 
 the fair Geraldine, have said, could she have seen 
 you sitting in the lap of our Nelly, eh?" 
 
 " I didn't sit in her lap, Tom ; she sat in mine." 
 
 44 So much the better for the sight ! What would 
 she have said, or what could you have said, had she 
 suddenly plumped in upon you when Nelly was in your 
 lap, her arm about your neck, and giving you that smack 
 of the lips, which seemed to you like wine from heaven ? 
 You got drunk almost instantly after it. You hugged 
 her like a hero, until sho couldn't stand it any longer, 
 and broke away, as if sho feared somo harm from her 
 magician husband. '' 
 
 44 Oh ! 1 didn't, Tom. Now don't you bo telling that 
 nonsense about.'* 
 
 " I low can I help it, Jones, my good fellow? Tho 
 joke is quite too good to be lost. For the ono smack, 
 the moment you had tasted it, you gave her a dozen, 
 till she gave in and cried 4 'nough ! 'nough !' as fervently 
 as tho fellow whose sockets are filling fast with sand 
 from his enemy's fingers ; and such a squcozo about tho 
 body that sho fairly heaved again, though pretty well 
 uscil to tight bracing." 
 
 " Never, Tom; never!" 
 
 " Hut it's a true bill, Jones. Then, you sung a co- 
 mic song; and, in trying to get on tho table for a Yir- 
 ginny reel, you slipped over into tho sawdust, and lay 
 there with a gurgle in your throat, as if you were try- 
 ing to drink and sing at tho same moment. You don't 
 know, I suppose, who laid you out upon tho benches?" 
 
 "No, Tom, I don't." 
 
 " Who, but Nell and myself? Sho took your arms, 
 
142 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 and I your feet, and we swung you up, saying, all the 
 while — 
 
 * "Warn yo once, warn ye twice, 
 Warn ye thrice, and away, 
 And away, and away, ye go!' 
 
 She brought the horse-cloth and spread over you, and 
 the clown delivered a sermon over you, in which he 
 said that, though a small man, your skin and stomach 
 were capable of stretching to a brandy cocktail as 
 readily and extensively as those of any man he ever 
 saw; and not one of us said a word against it. You 
 were treated gloriously, Jones, and you were glorious ; 
 but what would the fair Geraldine say to it all ':" 
 " By gracious, Tom, she musn't hear of it !" 
 "Had she only seen you lacing the jackets! Ha! 
 ha! ha!" 
 
 " Tom, my dear fellow. Tom Nettles" — 
 " Looking for all the world like a great boy, with his 
 big eyes spreading at the sight of an apple-tree filled 
 with fruit, yet trembling to think of the steel-trap lying 
 quiet in the grass below. Oh ! Jones, Jones, if ever 
 a man looked at a woman greedily, it was you, this 
 morning." 
 
 "Now, Tom! Tom! Don't! Never!" 
 "I'll swear it ! You did! Jones, I'm afraid you're 
 a bad fellow among the women. You ought never to 
 think of Geraldine Foster. She, at least, ought never 
 to think of you. Y r ou don't deserve her. She's too 
 good fur you. You'll make a bad husband. And I 
 can't think of suffering her to marry in the dark. She 
 must know — " < 
 
 " Tom, my dear fellow. Honor bright ! But, I see 
 you're only joking." 
 
 " Joking, indeed ! No! no! There's only one thing 
 that will prevent me from interfering, and that is — " 
 He paused. 
 
 "Eh! What?" 
 
THE TENNBSSEEAN'S bTOKY. 143 
 
 " That there's no sort of use for it, as there's no sort 
 of danger that she'll ever marry you." 
 
 " And why not, I wonder V" 
 
 " Why not! When you prefer to stay hero at a 
 horserace, to seeing her homo. When you let her go 
 off under the escort of your rivals, while you go a gan- 
 der-pulling. When the circus is more grateful to you 
 than her company ; and when, not content with the 
 performances of other people, you take another man's 
 wife into your lap, and — ' 
 
 "Hut, Tom, she don't know; sho won't know — " 
 
 M Thcso things are sure to leak out; and when it's 
 known that you gave this pretty woman your ring and 
 brenstpin, and promised to remember her as long an you 
 lived—" 
 
 " N.i, I'll bo k d if I did." 
 
 "And L'll be k d if you didn't!" responded the 
 
 tormentor. 
 
 "Tom, by the blazes, you're no friend of mine, or 
 you wouldn't talk so. But, 1 know you of old. You 
 only do it to worry mo. You won't blub*" 
 
 11 Well, suppose I don't? >Viuit chance do you stand 
 with tin* fair (Jeraldino when you noglect her so, and 
 when you have such chaps as Kan. Hammond and Miles 
 Henderson against you?" 
 
 11 I don't care a curse for Hammond. She shows him 
 less favor than all the rest. She's cross to him ; and, 
 for that matter, it don't seem to me that he cures a 
 curse for her." 
 
 11 Don't you believe it!" 
 
 " Well I lot him come. It costs nothing, and it comes 
 to nothing. She don't care for him." 
 
 ** I'm yot so sure of that !" 
 
 " She don't show it, at least. She's more shy of 
 him, by far, than she is of mo or Henderson." 
 
 "Tile shyness is in his favor. Was Nelly shy of you? 
 No, indeed*! She'd kiss you in sight ol fifty peonle. 
 But, you only bo saucy, more than she is prepared to 
 sullor, and she'd us soon dirk you us drink, lhil very 
 
144 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 shyness of Geraldine Foster shows a feeling that she 
 wants to hide. It's the same as saying, ' This man is 
 something to me.' He has an effect upon her, and let 
 him but pursue — " 
 
 " But he don't pursue." 
 
 " lie don't! You don't know Ran. Hammond; and 
 I tell you, Jones Barry, that if any man of you three 
 ever marries that girl, it's Han. llammond. I know 
 something of him, and I know something of woman, and 
 if he isn't already as deep in her heart as you were in 
 your cups last night, though without getting drunk by 
 it, then I'm not one of the Nettles family." 
 
 " AVell! that's speaking sure ; for you are one of the 
 Nettles family, and make yourself known wherever you 
 go for a real son of the bush, if it's only by the feeling 
 you produce. But you don't raise my skin, Tom ; for, 
 between us, I feel pretty sure that the game is to be 
 mine." 
 
 "Ah! Ila! well!" 
 
 u The mother promises me — " 
 
 " The mother ! You're more likely to marry the 
 mother than the daughter. But it isn't the mother, ex- 
 actly ; and Mrs. Foster has no such influence over her 
 husband's child as to say how that cat shall jump. If 
 ever there was a woman who had a will of her own, 
 it's that girl Geraldine Foster. I'm thinking that the 
 mother favors you; but I don't believe she can do much 
 for you, unless the daughter is a weaker vessel than I 
 think her." 
 
 " Well ! only you don't blab about this circus busi- 
 ness, Tom — " 
 
 " I don't know how I can keep in, Jones. It's too 
 good." 
 
 " Oh, by gracious, Tom, you must ! I'll be hanged 
 if I wouldn't fight my own brother, if he told upon 
 me." 
 
 " Y T es, but you'd hardly fight me, Jones, for you 
 know I'd kill you ; and then you'd lose your fortune, 
 your sweetheart, and everything else. No ! you won't 
 
som 
 
 rv 
 
 THE TENNE8SEEAN'S fiTOHV. 145 
 
 fight mc, Jones ; and if you talk in that sort of way, 1 
 shall have to come out with tho story. I'll have to go 
 to Mrs. Foster. I'll havo to say, 1 must seo Miss Gc- 
 raldino. Then, Til up and show her ahout tho la]), and 
 tho squeeze, and the kisses, and the lacing, and tho — " 
 Tom, stop! By gracious, you must stop. ] lore's 
 ebody coming after us !" 
 
 The conversation, thus interrupted, it is not our ob- 
 ject to pursue. Nettles had no other purpose in what 
 he said than to annoy his companion, though the opin- 
 ions which he expressed with regard to the superior 
 chances of Hammond in the pursuit of Geraldine Foster, 
 in comparison with the two competitors, were honestly 
 entertained. lie dined that day with Barry, who kept 
 bachelor's hall, and who recurred to the subject after 
 dinner. Here again Nettles repeated his opinion. Bar- 
 ry did not seem satisfied that he should do so ; and, in 
 the course of tho conversation, betrayed something of 
 a hostile feeling towards Hammond, which tho other was 
 surprised that he should entertain. 
 
 44 Somehow," said he, "he crosses me at every step. 
 He bought that place of Wingard's, though he knew I 
 wanted it — " 
 
 "But didn't he want it too?" 
 
 " I suppose he did, but — " 
 
 44 But you overslept yourself, having been drunk at my 
 house the night before, and didn't get to the sale in time." 
 
 44 Yes, true ! and the fellow got it for half the money 
 1 was willing to give." 
 
 44 More lucky for both of you, perhaps." 
 
 44 Then he gives Miles Henderson this bloody marc, 
 that takes 4 Geraldine' off her heels — " 
 
 44 But you bought 4 Geraldine' after he had given 
 <Sorella' to Miles— " 
 
 44 That's true ; but he advises him to run her, and tells 
 him how to do it." 
 
 44 He did ono and not the other, and did only what 
 any other might have done, and nobody have cause to 
 13 
 
146 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 be angry. The truth is, Jones, you are in too bad a 
 humor to do Ran. Hammond justice." 
 
 " And if, as you say, he stands the only chance with 
 Geraldine Foster, sha'n't I have good cause to be in a 
 bad humor? Now, you see, though you prove to me 
 that all his influence upon my successes comes up na- 
 turally enough, yet, somehow, when you find a man 
 always in your way — taking the start of you himself — 
 helping his friends to do so — crossing you at this, and 
 beating you at that — the worse from his not trying to 
 do so ; it looks as if he were your born enemy. You 
 can't help feeling as if he was. But, I tell you, I'll not 
 stand much more crossing; and some of these days, if 
 things get worse, Ran. Hammond and Jones Barry will 
 have to ask the question, before witnesses, which is the 
 better man." 
 
 " Pshaw ! pshaw ! You haven't drank quite enough, 
 Jones, for a sensible judgment in this matter. A few 
 glasses more will give you the right pitch for thinking. 
 Now, let me tell you, I won't have you make a judy of 
 yourself in this fashion. Hammond's a man whom 
 you'll do well to have no quarrel with. He's an ugly 
 customer. He'll be slow to take his gripe — won't do it, 
 as long as he can decently help it ; but when he does, 
 he takes hold like a bulldog, and never lets go till his 
 teeth meet in the flesh. Y'ou're a fool, Barry. You 
 have fortune, and good liquors ; enjoy yourself in all 
 sorts of ways ; keep blooded horses and run races ; a 
 fine parcel of gamebirds, and enjoy the cockpit like the 
 Napoleon of Mexico. Y T ou keep the best of wines, and 
 are not afraid to drink them ; you can ride, run, and 
 fight, and enjoy yourself in all three ways, in one day — 
 now with a goose, and now with a clown ; and have, be- 
 sides, a devilish keen eye for the women, so that you'll 
 be thinking of one seven miles off, while another's in 
 your lap." 
 
 " No more of that, Tom ; pass the bottle ; and if you 
 say so, we'll send out for a few larks and make a night 
 of it." 
 
 " Agreed ; a night of it." 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 147 
 
 CHAPTER XL 
 
 A maiden's vow. 
 
 Leaving our good companions to make a night of it, 
 lot us follow the footsteps of the party from which we 
 turned to pursue the more devious progress of the pair 
 with whom we have so long loitered. We have seen that 
 the ladies were well attended in their departure from 
 the race-course. On this ride, our two gallants neces- 
 sarily did their utmost to make themselves agreeable. 
 Without being in anywise remarkable for his talent, 
 Miles Henderson was a very pleasing and amiable gen- 
 tleman, lie could converse rationally and gracefully, 
 but without ever rising into those subjects, or those por- 
 tions of a subject, upon which, to converso well, most 
 persons must first have learned to think independently 
 for themselves. But, in the ordinary language of com- 
 monplace and society, Henderson could always be re- 
 spectable; and, being an observing man, he had gathered 
 a sufficient supply of material for chitchat to ena- 
 ble him, usually, to prove interesting to ordinary com- 
 panions. We have seen him taking that side of the 
 carriage upon which sat Mrs. Foster. This lady was 
 comparatively young. She had succeeded to the arms 
 and name of Mr. Foster at early womanhood, and when 
 he needed a nurse rather than a wife. She had survived 
 him, without altogether surviving her youth. A good 
 natural constitution, vulgar health, a lively temper, and 
 an exquisite feeling of satisfaction with herself, had 
 served to keep her in good bodily condition. She was, 
 in other words, a buxom widow, fair, fat, and forty ; 
 who did not wholly forget herself in taking care of the 
 fortunes of her step-daughter. She was vain and giddy; 
 
J*U AS OOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 and, though satisfied that the devotion of Miles Hender- 
 son, not less than that of Randall Hammond, was wholly 
 given to Gcraldine, she was not the less satisfied with the 
 external homage which she incidentally received in con- 
 sequence. Sometimes, indeed, she seemed to forget the 
 claimsof her step-daughter wholly, and exhibited adegrcc 
 of satisfaction at these attentions of the suitors, and an 
 anxiety to monopolize them, which frequently occasioned 
 a smile among these parties. It was one of her causes 
 of dissatisfaction with Hammond, that he never suffered 
 her to misconstrue his attentions. Approaching her 
 always with profound civility, his address and style of 
 conversation, when directed to her, were never of a kind 
 to suffer her to be in any degree forgetful of the fact 
 that she had a daughter as well as Jephthah ; and the 
 way to have won the heart of such a woman was to have 
 shared with her, in some degree, a portion of that devo- 
 tion which most women value beyond all other posses- 
 sions, even where they do not design to secure or keep 
 tho worshipper. Hammond, perfectly aware of her 
 character, knew exactly what she wanted. ]*ut he was 
 too proud a person to make any sacrifices to her vulgarity 
 or vanity, lie was one of those men who feel that the 
 course of true love not only does not usually, but that it 
 cannot, in the nature of things, often run smoothly; and 
 frit sure that a portion of his triumph must ensue from 
 the capacity of his future wife to rise, through affection, 
 superior to the discouragements of prejudice and domestic 
 opposition. He was, perhaps, not unwilling to be known 
 to Gcraldine through the medium of doubts which no- 
 thing but real affection would attempt to overcome ; and 
 some knowledge of her character persuaded him, indeed, 
 that this was really the most politic course for the attain- 
 ment of his object. Accordingly, we have seen him 
 betraying what would seem a degree of indifference to 
 the game, which he did not feel. lie showed no anxiety 
 to take or keep possession of the field ; no feverish 
 desire to hold his ground in the presence of rivals ; but, 
 on the contrary, a calm and courteous readiness to share 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 149 
 
 all his opportunities with others ; and, indeed, to forego 
 them wholly on occasion, giving way to the advances 
 of those who were notoriously his rivals. Mrs. Foster 
 was greatly at a loss, for awhile, to understand the policy 
 of this seeming indifference ; but her instincts enabled 
 her to discover the truth, which her reasoning faculties 
 never could have attained ; the more particularly as she 
 found that Gcraldine Foster, flattered by the constant 
 devotion of her suitors, was somewhat piqued by tho 
 dignified refusal of Hammond to engage in the common 
 struggle. With a vulgar policy, the mother's object 
 now was to impress upon our heroine an idea of tho 
 arrogance of Hammond; his pride, which refused the 
 ordinary civilities which all lovers are prepared to be- 
 stow ; and an insolent consciousness of superiority, which 
 made him always anxious to deny the service which gal- 
 lantry, and a sincere affection, would be only too happy 
 to perform. His refusal to run his horse at Ilillabee, 
 as we have seen, was one of the instances which she 
 found to produce the desired impression upon the mind 
 of her protege. To a certain extent she had succeeded 
 in producing this impression. The proud and haughty 
 spirit of Geraldinc Foster, conscious of her charms, and 
 accustomed to the devotion of the other sex, and the 
 envy of her own, was mortified at the little seeming 
 power which she possessed over almost the only man 
 whom she had ever really desired to subdue. She felt 
 his strength, his superiority. Her attention, when ho 
 spoke, acknowledged it ; her anxiety for his coming de- 
 clared it, even to herself ; and the growing feeling of 
 her dependence upon him made his apparent indifference 
 only the more offensive to her vanity and painful to her 
 heart. Tho step-mother had worked, not unsuccessfully, 
 upon these feelings ; but Gcraldine was so much a crea- 
 ture of impulse that the work of months might be undono 
 in a moment. A happy accident might bring the lovers 
 together in explanation, and mutual sympathies, sudden- 
 ly rendered active, and seeing under the influence of 
 favoring circumstances, might render the determined 
 
 V6* 
 
150 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OH, 
 
 will of Geraldino such an ally of her heart as to defeat 
 forever the subtle designs of the hostile mother. It was 
 the game of the latter, therefore, to provoke disgust in 
 the mind of the girl, to annoy her pride into resentment ; 
 and, seizing upon some particular moment of mortifica- 
 tion, to forco her into engagements which should he fatal 
 to the hopes of Hammond. Her labors to this point 
 had produced pique only, and not disgust in the 
 bosom of Geraldino ; and this feeling, Mrs. Foster 
 had the sense to understand, was rather favorable than 
 otherwise to the hopes of the lover. It declared his pos- 
 session of a power, already, in the heart of the capri- 
 cious beauty, which felt his neglect rather as a loss and 
 a denial, than as provocation of scorn ; and the step- 
 mother trembled as she saw that it was far easier for 
 Geraldino to feel the alleged neglect and indifference of 
 Hammond than to defy or to resent it. 
 
 If he was not altogether conscious of the sort of game 
 Mrs. Foster was disposed to play and was playing, his 
 own was one that tended greatly to overcome and baflle 
 it. His plan of operations has been already sufficiently 
 described. It consisted simply in the maintenance of 
 the most dignified civilities, and in foregoing no courte- 
 sies, in performing them with a grace as perfect as pos- 
 sible, and in studying how to interest the object of his 
 attentions, without seeming to be engaged in any such 
 study, or to possess any such interest. If the plan was 
 wisely conceived, it was as dcxtrously carried out. 
 Randall Hammond was no ordinary man. Ho was a 
 person, emphatically, of character ; with a strong will 
 and fiery passions ; but a stern, methodical, and well- 
 ordered judgment, which enabled him to subdue himself 
 at the required moment, and reject from his eyes all 
 the disguises of prejudice, and from his tongue all the 
 impetuous resolves of passion. lie was never more for- 
 tunate in his game than when escorting the ladies from 
 Hillabee. We have seen with what temper both of them 
 left the ground. Mrs. Foster, quite dissatisfied with the 
 results of the racing — as they not only left her favorite 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 151 
 
 beaten, but proved the correct judgment of Hammond 
 in an exercise in which he did not himself indulge ; and 
 Geraldine, piqued and offended at the perverted lan- 
 guage reported of Hammond, so conclusively confirming 
 the representations of Mrs. Foster, and so disrespectful, 
 seemingly, to Geraldine herself. Hammond soon dis- 
 covered that something was wrong, and having sufficient 
 clues to the character of Mrs. Foster, and perfectly 
 aware of her feeling for himself, he readily understood 
 that the mischief was in her. But there was no way 
 to make a direct issue, and he was not one of that 
 feverish race who refuse to leave anything to time. 
 He was content to pursue his own game as if nothing 
 had happened, and to make himself agreeable in spite 
 of his enemy. His resources were all accordingly put 
 in exercise, and even Henderson wondered at the exhi- 
 bition of conversational powers which he never dreamed 
 that his friend possessed. But friends are generally the 
 last to appreciate the powers of one another, since they 
 seldom recognize those feelings of mutual provocation by 
 which alone they can be made to develop themselves. 
 Gradually, Geraldine forgot her pique and disquiet, in the 
 delight which she experienced at the racy remark, the 
 keen point, the pleasant anecdote, contained in the con- 
 versation of her companion; and it was with feelings of 
 vexation, at beholding a progress that she could not 
 prevent, that Mrs. Foster threw herself back in tho 
 carriage, and surrendered herself to a protracted spell 
 of silence and bad humor, answering Henderson only 
 in monosyllables, and compelled, in spite of herself, to 
 listen to the dialogue which seemed equally to show tho 
 indifference of both the parties to all her intrigues. 
 
 The cavalcade reached the residence of Mrs. Foster 
 in this manner : Geraldine, if not perfectly reconciled 
 to Hammond, forgetting for the moment all her causes 
 of complaint ; Miles Henderson a little dulled by what 
 he saw of the success of his friend, but reconciled to 
 his own apparent decline of fortune by the conviction 
 that his fortunate rival was indeed his friend; while 
 
152 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 Mrs. Foster brooded over other schemes for fomenting 
 anew the displeasure of her step-daughter. 
 
 "Foster Lodge" was a place of considerable beauty. 
 The immediate approach to it was through a broad 
 avenue, nearly a mile in length, guarded and overshad- 
 owed from each side by the stateliest elms and oaks. 
 The dwelling stood upon a gentle eminence, with a broad 
 and sweetly-sloping lawn of green on each side of the 
 avenue, extending nearly to the public road. The 
 house was half shaded by great trees, a modest dwell- 
 ing of two stories, with a piazza fronting the avenue, 
 the roof of which, concealed by a parapet, was sustained 
 by six great columns, that rose up majestically from the 
 basement to the upper story. 
 
 Dinner was in waiting when the parties arrived. 
 Ham and turkey smoked upon the board, and there 
 were birds and fowl, eggs and milk, and the usual va- 
 riety of vegetables, so certain to be found in all good 
 farmsteads. Mrs. Foster was an economist. She was 
 a farmer's daughter ; a poor one too ; and had been 
 early taught in lessons of thrift and painstaking. These 
 she had not forgotten in her improved fortunes. In- 
 deed, thoy were her virtues. Her estates thrived in 
 her hands ; and, if not a good tutor for tho daughter, 
 she was a very good nurse of her property. This was 
 ample, if not large. Jt was the misfortune of Mrs. 
 Foster that she did not esteem it ample. This was one 
 of her reasons for preferring Jones Barry to either of 
 her present guests. The fact of his greater wealth, and 
 that feebler character which made him subservient to 
 Mrs. Foster's humors, were the chief sources of that 
 favor which lie had found in the good lady's sight. 
 
 Dinner passed oil' pleasantly. Hammond continued 
 in the same humor which had accompanied him from 
 the race-course. Even Mrs. Foster, herself, was some- 
 times compelled to smile at his sallies ; and when she 
 did not, it was only from the annoying conviction that 
 they were rapidly undoing all her work. It was night 
 before the party rose from table, ami a short interval 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 153 
 
 was afforded for promenading in the piazza before tea . 
 was set. This was followed by music. Gcraldine sang 
 and played like an angel ; this, at least, was the open- 
 mouthed declaration of Jones Barry, in her own hearing ; 
 and both Henderson and Hammond were endowed with 
 rich and tolerably well-trained voices. They accom- 
 panied the lady ; while, at intervals, they resumed tho 
 conversation, either with herself or the step-mother. 
 It was eleven o'clock before any of the party seemed 
 to suspect the flight of Time, and then they were only 
 apprised of the fact by Hammond rising to take his 
 leave. 
 
 "But why not stay all night?" was the frank de- 
 mand of Gcraldine. Mrs. Foster addressed tho same 
 inquiry to Henderson. The latter looked to Hammond 
 entreatingly ; but, true to his policy, he declared the 
 necessity for being at home early in the morning ; and 
 he had promised his mother, who would sit up and ex- 
 pect him, to return that night. He had five miles to 
 ride. 
 
 "But you, Miles," said he to his friend, "you need 
 not ride. You can stay." 
 
 This speech again worried both mother and daughter. 
 It seemed strange that one who really loved a lady 
 should encourage a rival to keep possession of her ear, 
 and should give him opportunities. But Henderson 
 felt ashamed of the weakness which prompted him to 
 take advantage of the permission; and, somewhat despe- 
 rately, declared his purpose to ride also. He had en- 
 gagements also which required his early rising ; and, in 
 short, the gentlemen soon took their departure together; 
 the ladies, one of them at least, sinking down upon the 
 sofa with an air of sullen disappointment. 
 
 "A cold, haughty upstart!" was the exclamation of 
 Mrs. Foster. 
 
 " Who, mother ! of whom do you speak ?" 
 
 " Of whom ? Why Hammond. He is not capable 
 of any feeling but pride. He is pride and ambition all 
 over. He love ! He has no more heart than a mill- 
 
154 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 Btone, and seems to look upon women only as so many 
 creatures made to wait upon man, and minister to his 
 wants and pleasures." 
 
 " Well ! I wonder how it is you can see things in this 
 light. Now, really, Mr. Hammond seems to me to bo 
 equally a man of feeling and sense. lie speaks like 
 one. He doesn't throw about him his sentiments, and 
 he wastes no professions on the air ; but he gives to 
 every subject the proper sympathy that it seems to re- 
 quire ; and it can't be denied that he can discuss the 
 greatest variety of subjects, and in the most interesting 
 manner." 
 
 " Oh ! he has subtlety, and wit, and cunning !'' — 
 
 " Cunning ! Well, that is the very last word which 
 I should ever have used in speaking of Mr. Hammond. 
 I see no proof of it. He is too frank, too bold a man, 
 to be cunning ; and is particularly free from it, I'm 
 sure, in dealing with ladies. Who ever hears him com- 
 pliment one's singing or playing, except, perhaps, by 
 his attention ?" 
 
 " That's his cunning !" 
 
 " Well, I confess, 1 like it better than that silly art- 
 lessness which, whether you play well or ill, rewards 
 you with the same undiscriminating ilattery. But he 
 goes further, lie has told me plainly, on more than 
 one occasion, where I made a false note, or sung with 
 false emphasis, or blundered in any respect ; for his ear 
 is quite as good as his opinion is honest." 
 
 " That's his cunning again ! He sees that you dis- 
 like the common talk, and he changes it to suit you." 
 
 " Something more than that, mother. What did he 
 say to both of us last week about gentlemen proffering 
 themselves, as a matter of gallantry, to pick up a lady's 
 glove, or handkerchief, running "across the floor to do 
 so, when it lies at her own feet, and she might pick it 
 up herself?" 
 
 "Well, and he is only a cub for his opinions.'' 
 
 " On the contrary, mother, I think he is quite 
 right. I quite agree with him, that it is enfeebling, 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN's STORY. 155 
 
 and so enslaving, women, to do for them those tilings 
 which it is proper for them, and easy, to do for them- 
 selves; that it makes us improperly dependent upon 
 men, when we expect them to serve us in any besides 
 substantial and weighty labors, which it is inconsist- 
 ent with the nature of our sex to undertake ; that it 
 impairs the dignity of the man, and, while putting 
 woman into a false position, renders him capricious, 
 and makes her, in the end, the victim of a tyranny." 
 
 " All an artful notion to excuse his own cubbislmess 
 and want of gallantry.'' 
 
 " Well, now, mother, you certainly can reproach him 
 for no want of courtesy and civility throughout the 
 day. lie has been with us, the only gentleman who 
 never left us during all the racing." 
 
 " That's his policy, lie stuck to you, as a matter 
 of course.'' 
 
 " Vet, in the same breath, you describe him ns lack- 
 ing in the usual devotion — as being too proud and 
 haughty, and — " 
 
 "I see, Miss Gcruldinc Foster, that your heart's set 
 upon this match. 1 see that you'll throw yourself into 
 his arms whether ho will or no — " 
 
 " What you say, mother, let me tell you, is not likely 
 to prevent me. Jiut there's no danger of that. 1 con- 
 fess, 1 think him a very superior man to any of my 
 other suitors. You can't deny his superiority." 
 
 " By no means ; he's a wit, and a colonel of militia, 
 and they talk of sending him to the legislature or Con- 
 gress; and, I suppose a young lady can't do better than 
 to fling herself headlong into the arms of so promising 
 u person. JJut 1 can tell you this, Miss Foster, that, 
 when 1 was of your age, the man who swore that lie 
 knew no woman for whom he would run his horse, and 
 that, too, when the- young lady ho was courting was en- 
 treating him to do so, would bo courtesied out with a 
 4 No, sir, I'm obliged to you, but beg to bo excused.' " 
 
 14 1 don't know that M\\ Hammond is socking me, 
 mother, and it's very cerium ho is not courting me; but 
 
156 AB GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 this I can tell you, that, if ever he should do so, he shall 
 be made to swallow that speech. He certainly, before 
 he gets this hand, shall run a race for it — he shall !" 
 
 44 Will you stick to that?" demanded the mother, 
 eagerly. 
 
 u Will I not! It's a vow; chango it who can." And 
 the elevated form, the flashing eye, and extended hand, 
 lifted upward as she uttered this rash resolution, to 
 which the keen cunning of the mother had goaded her 
 impulsive spirit, presented a fine subject for the drama- 
 tic painter. 
 
 " Only stick to that, Geraldine, and you'll test his 
 passion! You'll see which he thinks of most; this lady 
 of his love, or his iron gray. I tell you, his soul is lull 
 of mule-pride ; he's as obstinate in what he says as if 
 the whole world was bound to givo way to him." 
 
 " I sba'n't give way to him! He'll find me as firm 
 and proud as himself. He shall run his horse; he shall 
 race whether he likes it or not, if he has any hope of 
 me. But he does not think of me, mother. I'm sure 
 you're mistaken." 
 
 Tins was said with an air of despondency, as the 
 maiden threw herself upon the sofa and covered her 
 face with her hands. 
 
 "And what if he does not?" responded the mother; 
 " you surely are not so badly oft' for beaux that you 
 need care whether he cares or not. I don't think ho 
 cares much for anybody but himself. I tell you, he's 
 too proud for love of any woman, as you may suppose, 
 when he openly declares that he will not run his horse 
 for all the favors of the sex. Only you stick to your 
 vow, and you'll see what his love will come to." 
 
 " He shall do it, if he seeks heart or hand of mine. 
 He shall do it, he shall!" We may add that the ex- 
 cellent mother did not suffer her to forget the vow. 
 
THE TKNNESSKUAN'S BT011Y. 1/j7 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 TOUGHNESS or THK TKNDEll GENDER. 
 
 We must skip, without notice, t lie events of several 
 weeks, in which but little apparent progress was made 
 on any hand. The parties mot frequently, now at 
 church, now at evening assemblages of friends, unci still, 
 us before, very frequently at tliu dwelling of our hero- 
 ine. Ilaudall I Lammond continued his policy, though 
 with u misgiving, which gradually increased with the 
 increase of his passion ; and an eye loss anxious, and a 
 mi ml less excitable than that of (icraldi.no's, would have 
 readily detected, at particular moments, the proofs of 
 this strengthening' interest. But what with her own 
 feelings engaged in the issue, and the continued and 
 perverse hostility of Mrs. Poster to tin* claims of our 
 hero, sho was kept in the same dogged mood towards 
 him in which we have beheld her while taking the 
 strange vow recorded in the preceding chapter. Jlo 
 saw and felt the influence, but was without any means 
 to meet and to contend with it; unless by the exercise 
 of the same patience which ho had hitherto displayed, 
 and the unwearied exhibition of those talents and re- 
 sources which had rendered him still agreeable in her 
 eyes in the teeth of all her prejudices. I lis mother, it 
 may be mentioned in this place, had expressed her 
 doubts of the propriety of his seeking in marriage tho 
 hand of Gcrahlino Foster. Of the young lady, herself, 
 the venerable dame knew nothing, except from hearsay; 
 and rumor rather exaggerated defects than acknowledged 
 virtues. The objections of Mrs. Hammond lay to the 
 stop-mother, whom she knew as a pert housekeeper em- 
 ployed in a neighboring family, when she was promoted 
 14 
 
158 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 by Foster, then sinking with a feeble constitution, and 
 equally feeble mind, into imbecility. She regarded 
 her inlluence over the step-daughter as vicious and dan- 
 gerous, and, whatever might be the individual endow- 
 ments of the girl, she insisted upon their abuse and per- 
 version in the hands of such a guardian. We have seen 
 that she is right in some measure; but she overrated 
 the influence of the one, and underrated the powers of 
 resistance of the other. The girl, in reality, in many 
 respects, controlled the woman. The latter, conscious 
 of low birth and inferior education, though naturally 
 clever, was submissive to the daughter in most social 
 respects ; and it was only where the latter was necessa- 
 rily diffident, as in the case of her affections, that she 
 exercised any inlluence over her sufficiently powerful 
 to baflle the impulses of her own judgment. In affairs 
 of the heart, or, rather, where young persons are called 
 upon to decide between two or more favorites, the adroit 
 suggestions of third parties have always more or less 
 weight. The mind distrusts itself but too frequently 
 when the affections are busy with its decisions; and it is 
 because of this fact, that we find so many of that perni- 
 cious class called match-makers in the world. They 
 interpose when the will of the interested person is at 
 fault. They profess friendship, and it is at such a time 
 that the poor heart longs for such a succor. They in- 
 sinuate doubts, or suggest motives, and determine the 
 scales, for or against a party, by such arguments or in- 
 nuendoes as are most likely to influence the feeble nature 
 which relies upon them. Mrs. Foster's hold upon Ge- 
 raldine, in this matter, lay in the morbidly active pride 
 of the damsel. This she contrived to goad and irritate 
 by daily suggestions, in which the most innocent move- 
 ments of Hammond were perverted. The fear of Mrs. 
 Hammond, with regard to her inlluence upon Miss Fos- 
 ter, went still farther. She dreaded lest she should 
 govern her in all respects ; lest she should have tutored 
 all her moods and feelings by the low moral standards 
 by which the step-mother herself was influenced ; and 
 
aim tennesseean's story. 151) 
 
 have made her equally selfish and presumptuous with 
 herself; coarse in her aims, narrow in her opinions; 
 jealous of the worth which she never sought to emulate; 
 and ambitious of society, not for its real advantages of 
 mutual training and attrition, hut for its silly displays 
 and petty ostentations. 
 
 We need not repeat that, in these apprehensions, Mrs. 
 Hammond labored under error; hut she did not the less 
 entertain them. A long and serious conversation with 
 her son, the day after his return from the races at llil- 
 lahee, was devoted to this subject. In this conversation, 
 she freely declared her objections to the match with such 
 a person, related all that she had heard of Oeraldine, 
 and told her son all that she knew of the step-mother, 
 concluding with an earnest entreaty that he would look 
 in some other quarter for the exercise of his affections. 
 She was even good enough to mention the names of two 
 or three young ladies of their acquaintance, whose 
 charms were considerable, and against whom there lay 
 no such objections as she entertained for Miss Foster. 
 
 But the son, though grateful for this counsel, as frankly 
 told his mother that it fell upon unheeding senses; that 
 he was really and deeply attached to Geraldinc ; that 
 he was not blind to her faults, and knew her to bo 
 equally proud and eccentric; but her pride, he said, 
 arose from a high spirit, sensible only of right purposes, 
 ami her eccentricities were the growth of a superior 
 intellect, under an irregular education, and were duo in 
 some degree to a consciousness of independence, falsely 
 founded, perhaps, of the circle in which she moved. 
 Like other lovers, Hammond expressed the opinion that 
 her eccentricities would certainly be cured by marriage, 
 particularly under the admirable domestic system which 
 lie was prepared to establish. For the step-mother, he 
 had nothing to say. lie had certainly no defence to 
 offer. She was pretty much the woman that his mother 
 had described her. Besides, she was evidently hostile 
 to himself. But her influence over her step-daughter 
 was nothing. If exercised in any way, it was only in 
 
160 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 opposition to himself, and he could readily understand 
 how she might operate successfully by artifices, particu- 
 larly in dealing with a person who was herself truthful 
 and unsuspicious, where she might never attain any in- 
 fluence by open authority. He continued by repeating 
 the assurance to his mother that he felt too much in- 
 terested in the lady to forego his attentions, but that he 
 should watch her conduct narrowly, and not risk his peace 
 upon any object to whom sucli objections could apply 
 as those which she had urged. He concluded by ex- 
 pressing his desire that his mother would visit Mrs. 
 Foster, and see the young lady for herself. There was 
 no good reason why she should not do so. It is true 
 she did not like Mrs. Foster, but if people visited only 
 those whom they liked, society would be almost empty 
 of individuals. Mrs. Foster had called upon her, and 
 had invited her to her house. True, she might remem- 
 ber her as a pert housekeeper, but she was now a house- 
 holder; and if pert in this capacity, it was a fault which 
 could be charged upon a thousand others. At all events 
 Mrs. Foster was no worse than her neighbors, so far as 
 the world was permitted to see. And to recognize her 
 as everybody else did, would in no degree impair the 
 ancient position which Mrs. Hammond held in the pub- 
 lic esteem. If any other reason were wanting, it was 
 undoubtedly to be found in the probability of her son 
 establishing an alliance with this very family, when, 
 as a matter of course, all difference of relative position 
 must be overthrown forever. 
 
 The worthy old lady sighed as she acknowledged the 
 truth of these reasonings, and prepared to submit to 
 them. At an early day her carriage was ordered, and 
 Mrs. Foster was confounded when she heard that the 
 equipage of the stately old lady was in progress up the 
 avenue. This was a triumph to her vanity which would 
 have been eminently gratified, but that it seemed to 
 operate against her project of marrying her daughter to 
 Barry. One of her favorite topics of denunciation, 
 where Hammond was concerned, was his own and his 
 
tut: tennesseean's story. 1G1 
 
 mother's arrogance ; and the neglect of the latter to 
 return her visits was an argument lor the truth of her 
 assertions. But neither Geraldine nor herself was in- 
 sensible to the compliment paid by this visit. Mrs. 
 Hammond was at the very head of society in that neigh- 
 borhood. Her position was unquestionable. Hers was 
 one of the oldest families ; and the dignity which she 
 maintained, along with the virtues of benevolence and 
 hospitality — to speak of no other of the Christian chari- 
 ties — all of which were eminently conceded to her, ren- 
 dered her quite as much beloved as respected. It had 
 been rather injurious to Mrs. Foster's pretensions in 
 society, that Mrs. Hammond had not recognized them. 
 That she did so now, at this late day, was undoubtedly 
 something gained ; but the perverse pride in her heart 
 prompted a feeling of resentment at the visit so long 
 deferred, and she suddenly exclaimed to Geraldine — 
 
 " We won't see her. She has taken her time about it, 
 and we will take ours. Let Clara go and tell her we 
 are not at home." 
 
 " No, indeed, mother ! that won't do. You will gain 
 nothing by it ; for people will only say, you have done 
 it for spite. Mrs. Hammond is not a woman to be 
 slighted. However we may feel her neglect of us, she 
 is a lady of worth and character ; and 1 can't think of 
 showing her any resentment. Besides, 1 feel none. I 
 remember her when she used to visit my own dear mo- 
 ther, though I was but a child ; and I have heard father 
 speak of her as his friend, when he needed friendship. 
 Indeed, I have heard that she lent him a large sum of 
 money to save his mills ; and, in the settlement of the 
 alfairs of the estate with Lawyer Griffin, I see the re- 
 payment only took place the year before my father died. 
 No ! she has had some reason, I suppose, for keeping 
 away, and that she comes now shows that these reasons 
 exist no longer. We must see her. I feel nothing but 
 respect for Mrs. Hammond." 
 
 This was said in a way to silence opposition. But 
 the step-mother had the last word, framed in a fashion 
 
 14* 
 
162 AS GOOD AS A comedy: OR, 
 
 that she had been too much accustomed to employ of 
 late to forego very readily. 
 
 " It's just as you will, my dear. You have very 
 good reasons for what you say ; but I rather think that 
 if your heart did not incline so much to seeing the son, 
 your reasons wouldn't be half so good for seeing the 
 mother. Take care now ; I see what's coming. You 
 will be overawed by the consequential old woman, until 
 you submit to the consequential young man, and then 
 good-by to all your freedom. I know you, Geraldine 
 Foster ; you'll be imposed upon by the high heads of 
 these people, until you forget all your resolutions." 
 
 " And I tell you, mother, that you know nothing 
 about Geraldine Foster, if you think she is to be im- 
 posed upon by anybody. I am — ' 
 
 " Well, hush now, before the old witch hears you. 
 She's coming into the parlor now." 
 
 Geraldine muttered something about the improper 
 use of the epithet old witch, and Mrs. Foster sniggered 
 at the rebuke. The affairs of the toilet proceeded in 
 silence, and the daughter was the first who was ready 
 to descend. 
 
 " She shall wait for me,'' said the mother, proceeding 
 very leisurely. Geraldine left the room, and descended 
 to the parlor. She felt a little awe, certainly, as she 
 entered the room and encountered the tall, stately form 
 of the venerable woman, with her dark dress, and her 
 formal mob cap. But the benevolent manner, and the 
 sweet tones of the old lady's voice reassured her. 
 
 " I know you, my child, by your dear mother. She 
 was my intimate friend. She was a kind and loving 
 person. You have her eyes and mouth. Your fore- 
 head and nose are your father's, and you are tall; like 
 your father also. Your mother was rather short, but 
 she was so well made that she did not seem so, unless 
 when standing close to others. If you have her heart, 
 my child, as you certainly have all her beauty — " 
 
 The old lady squeezed the hands of the girl, but 
 failed to see the humid witnesses which were gathering 
 
the tennesseean's story. 163 
 
 in her eyes. Those of the speaker were already wet. 
 The sympathies of the two were becoming active, and 
 Mrs. Hammond had already reproached our heroine 
 with having failed, since her return home, after a lapse 
 of several years, to seek out one of her mother's most 
 intimate friends ; and Geraldine, who had been kept 
 from doing so only by the perverse influence of her step- 
 mother, was awkwardly seeking to account and apolo- 
 gize for the neglect, when the door was flung wide, and 
 Mrs. Foster sailed into the room, blazing in her best 
 silks, and making as formidable a show of trinkets as 
 if she were the belle of the evening. At her appear- 
 ance, the whole manner of Mrs. Hammond seemed to 
 change. She drew up to her fullest height her tall, 
 erect person. Her eye assumed a severe simplicity of 
 gaze, which entirely changed its expression ; and her 
 reception of the new-comer, Geraldine could not but 
 remark, was singularly unlike that which had met her 
 appearance. The truth is, the absence of simplicity, 
 the obtrusive ostentation of Mrs. Foster's manner, a 
 mixture at once of dignity and assumption which was 
 neither confidence nor ease, brought out all the native 
 superiority of her visitor. Besides, she remembered 
 her as the usurper, foisting herself by cunning upon 
 the weakness of a dying man, and succeeding to a posi- 
 tion in society for which her training and education 
 had not prepared her. The first meeting between the 
 two, already prepared to be belligerents, was productive 
 of impressions which strengthened their mutual dislikes 
 and distrusts. Mrs. Foster was boisterous and con- 
 fident ; talked recklessly, as if her purpose had been to 
 show nothing but scorn of all the usual modes of think- 
 ing- and feeling, all the forms and manners, which her 
 guest had been wont to hold in reverence. The deport- 
 ment of Mrs. Hammond was the reverse of this ; but 
 it was so full of a dignity jealous of assault, and reso- 
 lute against intrusion ; so cold in its stateliness, so stern 
 in its simplicity, that our heroine, though vexed at the 
 bearing of her step-mother, was not less chilled and 
 
164 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 offended by that of her visitor. We need not detail the 
 progress of the interview. The call was a very short 
 one, and the parties separated mutually dissatisfied. 
 Mrs. Hammond, chafed with the impertinence of Mrs. 
 Foster, and disposed to see in Geraldine (who had been 
 very quiet) nothing but the susceptible creature whom 
 the step-mother had fashioned in all respects to resem- 
 ble herself; while the latter, though not exactly satisfied 
 with herself, was yet confirmed in all her grudges and 
 ancient hostilities, as she felt the cold supremacy of 
 that bearing which she had bullied, without being able 
 to forsake or overcome. 
 
 " There," said she to Geraldine, when her visitor had 
 been bowed down the steps; " there you have her in full; 
 the queen of Sheba, with her head in the elouds and 
 her feet among the stars. {She's as proud as Lucifer. 
 You'd have a fine chance with her as a mother-in-law. 
 She'd rule you with a rod of iron. l)o you smile, it's a 
 look; do you laugh, it's a scold; would you dance, it's a 
 sermon ; and so day by day, until you're broken down 
 with the sulks and sours : no milk could keep sweet 
 long under that face of vinegar." 
 
 Geraldine was silent. She, too, had been disappointed 
 the visit. She could see that there was something 
 wrong in the carriage and language of her mother; but 
 unfortunately, her ear had become too much habituated 
 to the modes of speech and thinking of the latter to 
 feel, in full force, the improprieties of her conduct; and 
 she regarded the stern deportment of Mrs. Hammond as 
 totally unprovoked by anything that had taken place. 
 She was quite ignorant of that past history of the step- 
 mother which their visitor knew too well, and it was 
 really in some degree as the sincere friend of Geral- 
 dine's own mother that the soul of the old lady revolted 
 at her substitute. But this the young lady was yet to 
 learn. She, as we have said, was silent; while Mrs. 
 Foster ran on in a strain cunningly calculated at once 
 to express her own hostility and to alarm the fears of 
 Geraldine. She painted the tyrannical mother of Ham- 
 
THE TENSESSEEAN'S STORY. 165 
 
 mond subduing all the spirit of his young wife, of any 
 wife whom he should bring home; restraining all her 
 innocent desires, chiding her sentiments, and keeping 
 her in such a bondage to her antiquated notions, as 
 would effectually quell all her sweetest impulses, and 
 embitter all her youth with the mere caprices of author- 
 ity. From the mother she passed, by a natural tran- 
 sition, to the son. He was the true child of his 
 mother ; cold, stern, unbending, despotic. She was 
 eloquent on this theme ; she recalled and dwelt upon, 
 with perverse ingenuity, every incident that could servo 
 for its illustration, and it was only when she broke down 
 with utter exhaustion that she was content to stop. 
 Poor Geraldine said nothing. She was certainly im- 
 pressed by what she heard. The speech of Mrs. Foster 
 was not without ingenuity. Yet the girl thought of 
 Hammond with kindly feelings. It was only when her 
 temper was roused that she was disposed to side com- 
 pletely with her cunning and dishonest counsellor. 
 Somehow, she could not concur with her now, even in 
 respect to the stately mother. Though chilled to the 
 heart by the progress of the interview, she yet remem- 
 bered tlie sweetness with which it had begun. 
 
 How different had been the deportment of the old 
 lady before her step-mother made her appearance! 
 How kindly had she spoken ; with what affectionate re- 
 membrance did she seem to dwell on the personal appear- 
 ance and the virtues of her mother; and, surely, she 
 had seen the gathering tears in her soft blue eyes at 
 the very moment when she felt that her own were filling. 
 Whence, then, the change? how could the appearance 
 of her step-mother have effected it ? There was a mys- 
 tery in this, and the aroused heart of Geraldine brooded 
 over it; and daily, with an increasing pleasure, did she 
 remember the sweet words and the sad tears which the 
 mother' of Hammond had shared with herself when the 
 two were alone together. 
 
166 AS GOOD AS A comedy: OR, 
 
 CHAPTER XIII. 
 
 ROME TALK OE MARUIAGE. 
 
 But an event was now at hand which was calculated 
 to divert tho thoughts of Geraldine Foster into other 
 channels. Her seventeenth birthday was approaching, 
 a period of immense importance to all young damsels. 
 It was destined to be regarded as such in the present 
 instance. Already, for more than a month previous, 
 the rumor had gone abroad through the neighboring 
 country, of a great fete to be given at the " Lodge." 
 Supplies for the occasion were already making their 
 appearance. "Wagons from Savannah and Augusta, 
 laden with good things, were seen arriving, and public 
 expectation was on tiptoe for the event. In due season 
 our young men were all honored with invitations to the 
 birthday fete. Mrs. Hammond was also included in 
 this compliment, though Mrs. Foster was pleased to say, 
 while her step-daughter was penning the invitation, that 
 she knew "very well that the haughty old hag would 
 never come again." She was mistaken, »as we shall see 
 hereafter. The truth is, as regards herself and her own 
 feelings, it never would have been the wish of Mrs. Ham- 
 mond to darken the doors of a lady like Mrs. Foster, 
 for whom she could never feel esteem ; but the case was 
 altered in respect to Geraldine. She regarded tho 
 latter as the innocent, though perhaps misguided child 
 of a very dear friend, and on this account alone she 
 was prepared to treat her with solicitous considera- 
 tion. There was yet a better reason. Mrs. Hammond 
 had now satisfied herself that the affections of her son 
 were really engaged to the maiden ; too deeply engaged, 
 indeed, to render prudent any farther exhortations and 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 167 
 
 warnings on her part. She resolved, therefore, instead 
 of discouraging with a vain importunity his pursuit of 
 the ohject, to yield herself to his cause, and contribute, 
 as far as it -would be becoming in her, to the promotion 
 of his wishes. She distinguished, accordingly, between 
 the girl and the silly step-mother ; and, while revolting at 
 the offensive frivolities and forwardnesses of the latter, 
 was prepared to take the other, as the future wife of her 
 son, to her most affectionate embraces. This determi- 
 nation led her to accept an invitation which she other- 
 wise might have treated with indifference. It must not 
 be supposed, however, because we find Mrs. Foster speak- 
 ing hi offensive terms of Mrs. Hammond, that the visit 
 of the latter had been disagreeable to her, or that she 
 had failed in returning it. This was very far from being 
 the case. "While she disliked to meet with the old lady, 
 from a real feeling of inferiority, and from a painful con- 
 sciousness that Mrs. Hammond knew more of her real 
 history than anybody else ; she yet felt the importance, 
 in a social point of view, of appearing to maintain an 
 intimacy with one of a rank so unquestionable. She 
 soon, with Gcraldine, returned the visit in which she had 
 behaved with so much insolent familiarity ; and was re- 
 ceived with the sweet benignity, mingled with dignity, 
 which so becomes a well-bred lady in the character of a 
 hostess. Gcraldine could not but feel the superiority of 
 bearing in this venerable representative of a passing age, 
 to that to which she was accustomed; and could scarcely 
 reconcile the gentleness and meekness of the old lady's 
 manner and tone with that which was so commanding 
 in her carriage and so impressive in what she uttered. 
 True to her decision, and regarding the possible relation 
 in which the maiden might yet stand in regard to her 
 son, Mrs. Hammond was particularly anxious to please her 
 younger visitor. While the three ladies traversed the gar- 
 den, which was a very ample and beautiful one, she loiter- 
 ed with the younger of the three, and again renewed the 
 subject of her intercourse with her mother. The garden 
 itself afforded a sufficient reason for recalling the subject. 
 
168 
 
 Mrs. Hammond's taste for flowers had been greatly in- 
 fluenced by the superior sympathies, for these lovely 
 creations, of the first Mrs. Foster; and it was in the 
 power of the former to indicate to Geraldine a fact, of 
 which she was now for the first time made conscious, 
 that the garden at the 4i Lodge" had been laid out 
 exactly of the size and plan of that which she now ex- 
 amined. Its fate, however, had been very different. 
 "While the latter was blooming in full perfection and 
 variety, the former had grown into a waste with weeds. 
 Geraldine only resolved to make amends to the memory 
 of her mother by restoring her favorite fruits and flowers. 
 The judicious manner of Mrs. Hammond, the equal 
 delicacy and adroitness with which she had again man- 
 aged to speak to the young girl of her mother, and to 
 show the tender interest which she herself felt for her 
 memory, were by no means thrown away upon the 
 daughter, who was sensibly touched, as well by the 
 manner as by the matter of her venerable hostess. Mrs. 
 Foster beheld this with some disquiet, and more than 
 once contrived to divert the conversation to other ami 
 far less interesting topics. She herself was treated 
 with the greatest deference, Mrs. Hammond being at 
 pains, for the sake of the ward, to treat the guardian as 
 if she fully deserved to be such a custodian. At the end 
 of an hour, the visitors were prepared to depart, and 
 Randall Hammond made his appearance just in time to 
 see the ladies to the carriage. 
 
 A few days after came the invitation to the fete. 
 
 "You will go, dear mother, will you not ? M was the 
 inquiry of Hammond, uttered in pleading accents. She 
 was disposed to plague him, and expressed herself 
 doubtfully. 
 
 " I don't know. I am old. These night parties are 
 not good for me, and I don't enjoy them." 
 
 "But, for my sake, mother." 
 
 " I don't know but that, for your sake, I ought to 
 stay away. I am half afraid to give any encourage- 
 ment to this pursuit." 
 
Til IC TKNNKHMWAN'h STORY. 160 
 
 u Oh, don't say ho, mothor ; don't think so." 
 
 " Oh, but I must think no, Randal)/ 1 said the old 
 lady, with real gravity ; M for 1 confess 1 am not satis- 
 fied that Gerald ino Foster is the lady for you. That 
 foolish stop-mother has dono her best to spoil her." 
 
 " But she is not spoiled." 
 
 " Perhaps not. Of that I can say nothing ; but what 
 docs the world say ?" 
 
 44 Mere scandal, I warrant you." 
 
 " Nay, nay, Randall ; wo can't so easily dismiss tho 
 popular report. Wo hear every day of her eccentri- 
 cities; of her riding wild horses without a saddle, leap- 
 ing high fences, and even threatening John Kstes with 
 horsewhip and pistol." 
 
 " Pshaw, mother ! How ridiculous !" 
 
 " Ridiculous, it may he, but not wholly wanting in 
 truth. Our old neighbor, Jacob Barnes, tells mo that 
 lie has it from Peter Kstes, the brother of John." 
 
 M Bo assured, a wholesale falsehood. This John 
 Kstes was the overseer for Mrs. Foster, and was dis- 
 missed by her for neglect and insolence. He no doubt 
 revenges himself by all sorts of falsehoods. Ho is a 
 worthless fellow, 1 know ; but if 1 hear him at his slan- 
 ders, let him but cross my path with them, and I'll — " 
 
 " Come, come, Randall f none of that. You are 
 only too ready to take up the cudgels for other people. 
 You are not yot authorized to be the champion of Mrs, 
 Foster or Geraldino ; and I'm afraid, as 1 hear tho 
 story, that the young lady can be her own champion, 
 ami will be apt to reject your assistance. Barnes says, 
 on tho report of Peter Kstes, that, when John Kstes de- 
 manded his full year's wages, Mrs. Foster ordered him 
 from tho house; and ho, not scorning in a hurry to obey 
 her, Miss Geraldino threatened him with tho horse- 
 whip, and seemed disposed to use it. At all events, as 
 Barnes phrases it, John Kstes, in fear of bodily danger, 
 made oft' in double-quick time. There's no doubt some- 
 thing in it." 
 b 15 
 
170 as aooD as a comedy: or, 
 
 " Yes ! no doubt he deserved the whip for his inso- 
 lence; and in her indignation she told him so." 
 
 11 But Estes reports that she got her father's pistols, 
 and said she was not afraid to use them ; and professed 
 to be as expert with them as any man." 
 
 " Pshaw ! another exaggeration, quite as easily ex- 
 plained. How naturally would a young woman wish 
 that she were a man to pistol an insolent fellow who 
 dared to bully her at her own fireside !" 
 
 " Still, my son, you would prefer that such a speech 
 should be made by Mrs. Foster rather than the daugh- 
 ter?" 
 
 " I don't know ! I don't see any harm in this expres- 
 sion of a strong and becoming indignation by a young 
 lady. Gcraldinc is, no doubt, high-spirited and im- 
 pulsive. Perhaps, too, she may be called and con- 
 sidered eccentric, as she undoubtedly possesses talents. 
 But I have seen nothing in her conduct which can at 
 all justify these stories ; and I ask you, dear mother, 
 whether you have ?" 
 
 " You know, my son, that I have seen her very sel- 
 dom since she was a mere child." 
 
 " Ah ! mother, the long and short of it is, that you 
 would rather see me married to that stately dowd, Miss 
 Arabella Mason, or that cold Grecian, your amiable 
 beautv, now rapidly becoming an ontioue, Miss Jane 
 Ilallett, or—" 
 
 " Kandall, these arc young ladies whom I very much 
 esteem," said the mother, gravely. "Either of them, 
 in my opinion, would make you a much safer wife, if 
 personally less beautiful, than Gcraldinc Foster. But I 
 have no prejudice against her. On the contrary, if I 
 were not stunned and alarmed by what I hear of her 
 wiklness, I should prefer that she should be your wife 
 in preference to anybody else. You have heard me 
 speak of her mother, who was very dear to me. Had 
 she been so fortunate as to enjoy her mother's guar- 
 dianship, instead of that of the coarse, weak woman 
 who succeeded her, I should have had no apprehensions. 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 171 
 
 I offer no opposition to your pursuit. You arc of age, 
 and I only entreat that you do not allow the beauty, 
 and the more piquant attractions of the young lady's wit, 
 to blind you to her deficiencies. I will go to the fete, 
 since you wish it ; nay, I had meant to go before you 
 spoke to me, if it were only to show how readily I can 
 sacrifice my own scruples, whenever such sacrifice be- 
 comes necessary to my son's happiness." 
 
 " Thanks, dear mother, many thanks ! You will not 
 regret, you will not repent, your indulgence. You will 
 see Geraldine in better aspects, the more you know 
 her. These reports are mere silly exaggerations, easily 
 raised upon a vivacity of character, and a freedom of 
 carriage, which are not common to our country damsels. 
 I think as little of the step-mother as you do ; but I 
 doubt whether Mrs. Foster can greatly influence Geral- 
 dine. She is quite too independent for that." 
 
 "No doubt, provided the attempt to influence is 
 apparent, but this is very doubtful. People like Mrs. 
 Foster, sprung from a low condition to one for which 
 they are unfit, are very apt to exercise habitual cun- 
 ning, and they operate their ends with secrecy; while 
 persons of very independent temper, like Geraldine, 
 particularly where they pride themselves on their inde- 
 pendence, are very apt to be taken in by the very per- 
 sons who affect to acknowledge their want of power. 
 Art, in this way, operates, by successful subtleties, in 
 blinding the judgment of superior will ; and the more 
 stubborn the person, the more easily deluded when in 
 contact with such an agency. This I suspect to be the 
 true relation between the two. Mrs. Foster I know to 
 be artful in a high degree. She had never succeeded in 
 becoming the wife of Henry Foster, but for the practice 
 of her housekeeper-cunning." 
 "Mother, you are harsh." 
 
 " Randall, you are right ! But it is in your cars only 
 that I speak these opinions, and they are meant to guard 
 you from mishap. If, as I suppose, you are resolute to 
 
172 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 address Geraldine, I warn you that Mrs. Foster is se- 
 cretly working against you." 
 
 " Ha ! how do you know it V* 
 
 " I know her; she cannot but work against you, being 
 what you are ; and the report goes that she openly 
 favors this little person, Barry." 
 
 " You hear that too from this old chronicler, Jacob 
 Barnes?" 
 
 " Barnes is a simple and an honest creature, who 
 reports tilings just as he hears them. But his reports, 
 Randall, and my opinions, are only to be valued as they 
 teach caution. Pursue your object steadily, if you will, 
 but with an eye open to the degree of influence which 
 this lady exercises over her ward. By this you may 
 judge whether you can succeed with the one, without 
 regard to the prejudices of the other. I should bo 
 sorry to seo my son rejected, even where I would not 
 have him seek." 
 
 This concluded the conversation, which was inter- 
 rupted by the arrival of Miles Henderson. He too had 
 received his invitation for the fete, and he came over 
 to consult with Hammond in regard to it. The two 
 friends wandered out into the fields, and, under the 
 shade of quiet trees, they conferred frankly about their 
 mutual feelings and prospects. There were no reserves 
 between them; and, without hesitation, Henderson 
 showed his friend the draft of a letter to Geraldine, in 
 which he had made his proposals. The letter he him- 
 self designed to give her, at some favorable opportunity, 
 on the day or evening of the fete. This festivity con- 
 templated a picnic in the woods, and by the banks of a 
 small fishing-stream and mill-seat called Gushlynn; and 
 at evening, music, dancing, and other sports at tho 
 " Lodge," and in the grounds, which were to be lighted up 
 for the occasion. All these arrangements had already 
 transpired, and were freely discoursed of by the multi- 
 tudinous mouthof rumor. Henderson did not doubt that 
 he should find more than one fitting occasion, during 
 the day or night, on which to present his billet cT amour. 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 173 
 
 " It is very well, Miles ; fairly and properly 'written. 
 For my part, I have to move -with caution. I am too 
 decidedly the object of Mrs. Foster's dislike not to feel 
 howdoubtful are all my chances; for, though I some- 
 times fancy I have made a favorable impression upon 
 Geraldine, yet her changes are very sudden, and she is 
 yet so young as not to feel the importance of shaping 
 her conduct consistently after deliberate resolve. I do 
 not deceive myself as to the danger which I stand from 
 this caprice, which may invite and beguile, only that it 
 may deny and contemn ; not that I suppose Geraldine 
 the woman to behave thus with any previous design. 
 But she is so much the creature of impulse, and is so 
 likely to be governed, in some degree at least, by that 
 spiteful mother-in-law, that I feel more and more dubious 
 the more closely I approach the subject. It is barely 
 possible that I, too, shall propose to her on the day of 
 the fete. This will depend, however, entirely on the 
 temper which she appears to be in, and upon the sort 
 of opportunity which is afforded me. Of late, Mrs. 
 Foster seems disposed to keep watch upon me, and, by 
 her constant presence, to baflle everything like private 
 or interesting conversation with Geraldine. I can only 
 deal in common-talk and generalities, which lead to 
 nothing/' 
 
 " Which lead to a great deal, Randall. Your gene- 
 ralities have always a meaning in them. I see that 
 Mrs. Foster watches you more closely than she does any- 
 body else, and that only proves to me that she considers 
 you the most dangerous. 'But you make more out of 
 the restraint than anybody could beside yourself. It's 
 evident enough that, though you talk generalities only, 
 as you call them, they are such particularities to Geral- 
 dine that she gives them the best attention; and, if you 
 don't seem to say anything meant especially for her ear, 
 it's very certain she appropriates it all more eagerly 
 than any other. The truth is, Randall, I'm more jeal- 
 ous of you than ever, and this is the very reason, that 
 you get on so successfully in fixing the interest of Ge- 
 
174 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 raldine in spite of the clear dislike and the crossplays 
 of the step-mother. , I'm only going to propose now, to 
 get my answer. I don't see that I've the least chance 
 or hope. She treats me civilly, and Mrs. Foster is a 
 great deal more kind to me than she is to you ; but, 
 after all, though I try hard to find a meaning in this 
 civility, it amounts only to this, that I don't behave 
 amiss, and the attention of a young fellow is never dis- 
 agreeable to a miss. But the suspense and anxiety vex 
 me, and so I'm going to make an end of it, and either 
 make the spoon or spoil the horn." 
 
 " With such feelings, Miles, I should not propose; 
 but the subject is one which I dare not undertake to 
 counsel you upon. You will, of course, do as you 
 please." 
 
 " Oh ! I'm sworn to give in this paper. There may 
 be more hope than I have reason for. A man, who is 
 really in love, can't always see'his chances for himself; 
 and Geraldine Foster is the first and only woman I've 
 ever seen that I really wished to marry. I'll try her, 
 at all events ; and if nothing better comes of the trial, it 
 will at once put an end to my anxiety." 
 
 " Be it so, Miles. You near what I tell you. I 
 shall prepare no letter. I'll leave it to circumstances 
 to determine. If opportunity offers, and she seems fa- 
 vorable, ten to one that I shall declare myself. If not, 
 I have only to keep quiet and wait a better season." 
 
 "Yes; but you may wait too long. 'Sposc she takes 
 me?" 
 
 " My dear Miles, she couldn't take a better fellow. 
 Next to myself, I should rejoice to see you in possession 
 of the prize." 
 
 " But suppose, seeing no chanco of you, and tired of 
 waiting, she takes this beauty, Barry?" 
 
 " Then he's welcome to her, and she wouldn't be the 
 woman for me. I should rejoice in my escape." 
 
 44 Randall, you're a cursed sight too proud." 
 
 " No, Miles, I only put a proper value upon a wife. 
 The girl who is in such haste to get a husband as to 
 
the tennesseean's story. 175 
 
 marry any that offers rather than lose a chance is worth 
 no man's having." 
 
 " I don't know but you're right." 
 "While upon this fruitful subject, let us pass from tho 
 two friends to another of the parties to our story, whoso 
 feelings, about this period, were similarly concerned 
 with the fair Geraldinc, and the approaching festivities. 
 Sunday was usually chosen by our excellent acquaint- 
 ance, Jones Barry, for his dinners. He was then apt 
 to call in his acquaintance, to see his friends, and mako 
 a day of it. He never denied himself on these days. 
 He was a bachelor, a man of wealth, and enjoyed a cer- 
 tain degree of impunity. He at least assumed that 
 one, whose behavior was so uniformly good during the 
 week, should be permitted his enjoyments on the Sab- 
 bath. Of course, we quarrel with no man for his opin- 
 ions. We are indulgent, and only propose to show his 
 practice under them. 
 
 Jones Barry had a clcverish cook, who could make 
 mock turtle to perfection, and dress a haunch of venison 
 to the equal satisfaction of epicure and hunter. He 
 loved good things, and never stinted himself at any time; 
 but it was on Sunday that he particularly laid himself 
 out to be happy. The first day of the week had como 
 in which the birthday fete of Miss Foster was to be 
 celebrated. He had several guests that day, and an 
 excellent dinner. There was our old friend, Nettles, 
 among the former, to whom one end of the table was 
 assigned. Joe Blake, Dick Moore, and Tom Lechmere 
 formed the rest of the company. The dinner passed off 
 gloriously. When the cloth was removed, the host, 
 raising his glass, cried — 
 
 " Fill, gentlemen, and drink to the health of the fair 
 Geraldine." 
 
 "Lady or filly?" inquired Nettles. 
 
 "Come, Tom, don't be disrespectful. She may yet 
 be my wife." 
 
 Nettles repeated the question. 
 
 "Lady or filly, Jones?" 
 
176 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 "You're a beast," cried Barry; "drink before I send 
 the bottle at your head.'' 
 
 "Do nothing of the kind, I beg, until you've emptied 
 it at least. But still let me ask. I drink, you see; for 
 it matters not much to your friends whom you marry; 
 but which is it, Jones? Wo know you love the lady, at 
 least you say so, and it's very certain to everybody that 
 you really love the mare. Now, if a Roman emperor 
 made one of his mares a divinity, and fed it on silver 
 crowfoot and golden ears, handsomely cracked in a 
 marble basin, there's no reason why a Georgia planter 
 shouldn't promote his filly by marriage." 
 
 "Pshaw! that's all nonsense about the Roman em- 
 peror." 
 
 "True, every bit of it, except that I have my doubts 
 about the gender of the beast. But tell us truly. Out 
 with it like a man. Are you to be married to the fair 
 Geraldine?" 
 
 "To the lady, perhaps.'' 
 
 "Is it fixed?" 
 
 "Not exactly, but so nigh there's no fun in it." 
 
 "Ah! then you have proposed, Jones?" 
 
 "No — not to Geraldine herself, but the mother goes 
 for me." 
 
 "But that's not the daughter." 
 
 "It's something towards the election." 
 
 "Don't believe a word of it, Jones," answered the 
 reckless Nettles. "It's like your racehorse calculations, 
 lou'll be beaten when you're most certain." 
 
 "And who's to beat me, do you think?" 
 
 "Why Ran. Hammond, to be sure." 
 
 "He! lie stands no more chance than my grandmother. 
 Why, Mrs. Foster hates him as she does poison." 
 
 "What of that? I can tell you she wouldn't hate him 
 long, if he was willing to marry her instead of the daughter. 
 But her hate don't hurt. That girl has a will of her 
 own, if ever woman had; and Madam Foster's dislikes 
 
 won'j; help your likes, I can tell you. 
 k4 She as good as tells me I'm sure 
 
 of Geraldine." 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN's STORY. 177 
 
 "Many a slip betwixt the cup and the lip. Now look 
 you, Jones, my boy ; I like you well enough; your din- 
 ners are excellent, and you keep the best wine decidedly 
 in the country." 
 
 "Do you really think so, Tom? You are a judge." 
 
 "You do — only you keep it always too near your own 
 plate." 
 
 "There it is— Blake, hand that bottle to the ox." 
 
 "Ox! well, I suppose it is because I'm an ox that 
 you offer me a horn." 
 
 "Take two of them, that you may be finished." 
 
 "But I'll not finish there/' 
 
 "Go ahead!" 
 
 "Well, as I was saying, I like you and your dinners 
 well enough. You're a good fellow in your way, though 
 you have too great fondness for women of the circus." 
 
 "Tom! Tom! mum! Honor bright, old fellow." 
 
 "Out with it, Nettles!" was the cry of Joe Blake, and 
 the rest. 
 
 " Another time, boys, another time. Let's see, where 
 was I? Ah! I was saying, — but, to begin fair, I'll give 
 you a toast. Fill, if you please." 
 
 "Fill, gentlemen," said the host. "Fill to Tom 
 Nettles, charged." 
 
 "Here's to Ran. Hammond; a stiff fellow, perhaps, 
 but a real man and a true gentleman." 
 
 Jones Barry gulped and swallowed with the rest. 
 
 "I drink," said he. "I can afford it. I'm not afraid 
 of anything Ran. Hammond can do in this affair." 
 
 "You're not! Well, mark my words; this girl's for 
 him, and not for you ; and better, let me tell you, that 
 he should marry her, and not you. Better for us as 
 well as you." 
 
 "And why, pray?" : 
 
 "Why, then, let me tell you. She'd be your master 
 in no time, and she'd rule you with a rod of iron. No 
 more dinners on Sunday, boys. No more wine for good 
 fellows ; and, instead of our excellent friend, Jones Barry, 
 presiding where he does — now running a fine horse, now 
 
178 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 opening a fine bottle, now jerking at a gander's gullet, 
 and now sitting in a Sultana's lap — " 
 " Mum, Tom, mum !" 
 
 " I say, instead of this, look at the poor fellow, afraid 
 to say his soul's his own ! He gives no dinners, boys, 
 for his wife finds no pleasure in our company ; he opens 
 no wine, my boys — his wife keeps the keys ; he pulls no 
 gander's neck, since his wife makes him tender-hearted 
 by pulling his ; and, instead of sitting, now and then, 
 in the lap of a pretty woman at the circus, drinking 
 apple-toddy, he hates the very sight of a pretty woman, 
 as it tells him that, instead of a mistress, he has got a 
 master. No, no, boys ! I say the fair Geraldine to 
 Ran. Hammond ; he can tame her ; and if our friend 
 Jones must have a wife, let her be the fat, laughing girl, 
 that serves the bar at old Hiram Davy's corner ; who 
 sweetens the toddy with her smiles instead of sugar; 
 and when she says, ' Is it to your liking, sir ?' makes it 
 go down like a blessing. She's the girl, boys, for Jones 
 Barry ; and I drink the health of Susannah Davy, and 
 may good fellow never get a smaller armful !" 
 
 " Armful, you snake in the grass ! Why she's a 
 houseful ; she weighs three hundred if she weighs a 
 pennyweight." 
 
 " Three hundred ! Jones, that's a scandal. I was 
 at the last weighing ; two hundred and forty-five, and 
 the stillyard on a perfect level — not a grain more. 
 You couldn't get a better wife, if happiness is what you 
 aim at." 
 
 All these sallies produced their appropriate merri- 
 ment. But we need not pursue our good fellows through 
 their midnight orgies. Enough that Tom Nettles 
 floored his host, and, after seeing him solemnly laid 
 out on the rug before the fireplace, he coolly took pos- 
 session of Barry's own couch, which the latter did not 
 seem greatly to affect. The rest of the company, 
 towards the small hours of the morning, were similarly 
 disposed of. 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'8 STORY. 179 
 
 CHAPTER XIV. 
 
 TIIE BIRTHDAY FETE. 
 
 The decision of Miles Henderson was precisely that 
 of Jones Barry. He had prepared himself, under the 
 special instructions of Mrs. Foster, to make his propo- 
 sals to the fair Geraldine, on the occasion of her birth- 
 day. That excellent lady, the step-mother, had several 
 private conferences with this favored suitor, without the 
 knowledge of the young lady. In these conversations, 
 she particularly encouraged his hopes, and enjoined 
 upon him the experiment during the progress of the 
 festivities. She did not tell him upon what she had 
 based her calculations of success, probably with some 
 just apprehensions in regard to his prudence ; but she 
 might have trusted him ; for, in all his revelations to 
 his companions over the bottle, he never yielded up 
 his secrets entirely. He still kept something to him- 
 self, following the counsel of Burns — which even Tom 
 Kettles, who wormed a good deal out of him without 
 seeming to design it, could never succeed in extracting 
 from his tongue. It is probable that the calculations 
 of Mrs. Foster were not remarkable for their profundity ; 
 yet they might have been sufficient, for all that, for 
 the purpose she had in contemplation. She probably 
 designed nothing more than so to vex the capricious 
 pride and impulse of Geraldine, with respect to Ham- 
 mond, as to make her disgust him by her eccentricities ; 
 and the scheme was a good one, so far as it was founded 
 upon a pretty correct knowledge of the character of both 
 persons. But the affaires de coeur of young people are so 
 much influencedby chance and circumstance — some would 
 say Providence — that the nicest calculations of cunning 
 
180 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 are apt to fail at the moment of exigency ; and, with 
 some knowledge of this danger from casualties, our ex- 
 cellent step-mother was more than usually careful in 
 devising the events as well as the picnic and the supper. 
 How she did this, or tried to do it, it is not exactly ne- 
 cessary that we should show ; and wo must not antici- 
 pate actual events by speculating upon their features 
 and family likenesses while they are yet in the womb 
 of the future. Enough that all parties had completed 
 their arrangements for the birthday, which at length 
 dawned to the awakening of many and conflicting anx- 
 ieties. 
 
 The sun smiled brightly and beautifully that morn- 
 ing, without a cloud; and, as the purpose of the ladies 
 at the "Lodge" was to make "a day of it," the company 
 began to appear right early. They came from a con- 
 siderable distance, Mrs. Foster having been at pains 
 to invite the most remote acquaintances, in order that 
 the display should not be thrown away upon few and 
 inferior judges. Her preparations had been conceived 
 on a scale which, however rustic, was unusually liberal 
 for that region of country. Supplies, as we have seen, 
 had been pouring in for some time previous. A number 
 of violins, clarionets, and tambourines had been em- 
 ployed, and a volunteer drummer made his unexpected 
 appearance with the rest, assuming thatnomusical noises 
 were objectionable at a charivari. In one sense, it was 
 a charivari that was in progress ; but our opinion is, 
 though no censure was passed upon his conduct, that 
 the drummer was decidedly guilty of presumption . As if 
 troubled with some suspicions of the same sort, he mo- 
 destly withdrew his performances to a distance, and 
 only within earshot of the house. Here, upon a small 
 mound, which had probably been an Indian tabernacle, 
 and which was surrounded with a clump of pines, he 
 threshed away with his merry sticks to the delight of 
 those who, in carriage or buggy, were passing up the 
 avenue. The horses danced with delight as they heard 
 the inspiriting clamor, and the attempts to run away 
 
TUK TKNNllShKilAN'ri hTUllV. 181 
 
 only gave more life to tlio proceedings, The drum be- 
 canto, in a littlu time, too uhoI'uI i'oi* dismission. 
 
 Mrs, Hammond arrived at an early hour. Hor son 
 did not then accompany hor. Ho was governed in this 
 delay by motives which wo may conjecture from what 
 wo have heard him nay, on a provioun occasion, to his 
 friend Henderson. It was hi* policy not to seem too 
 unxious. J I is mother's motive Tor coming curly wan 
 that she might not stny lata. She did not come Hook- 
 ing amusement, and she designed returning homo before 
 the day was out. It was in compliment to the lady, 
 >vho might yet bo her son's wife, that she came at all. 
 She was received respectfully by Uoraldino, and civilly 
 enough by Mrs. Foster. Tin* latter was too greatly in 
 her gb>ry not to seem amiable that day. Her vanity 
 was in full exercise, to enable her to play hor part with 
 suavity and grace. 
 
 Of course, v>o cannot pretend to describe the person* 
 present. They were very numerous, not less than two 
 hundred and fifty having been invited. All, certainly, 
 did not attend : hut then* were some who came without 
 being conscious of the necessity of being asked; ami 
 these were usually the most conspicuous and active in 
 their attentions to themselves and one another. Our 
 amiable friend Miles Henderson, and our humorous 
 friend Jones Barry, arrived at the same moment; tho 
 latter accompanied by his Mephistophcles, Tom Nettles. 
 It was with a slight shade upon her brow that Goral- 
 dine observed that Henderson came alone. She had 
 looked, as a matter of course, that Hammond would ac- 
 company Henderson. Her mother saw the expression 
 in her countenance, and remarked, in an under tone, as 
 Miles rode up — 
 
 " So, his friend's not with him. I doubt if lie comes 
 at all. His pride would scarcely allow him to do any- 
 thing which seemed to do us honor." 
 
 " Jhit his mother's here," whispered Gcraldine. 
 " To spy out the poverty of the land, and to go home 
 and sneer. We havn't such a display of plate as the 
 16 
 
182 A8 GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 Hammonds can set out; and she will have her say about 
 the difference between old times, when she was every- 
 body, and now when other people want to be some- 
 body." 
 . *' Mother, you are too harsh !" 
 " Too harsh ! Well, you can make up for it by being 
 too tender ! "We'll see yet if the soft heart of the 
 woman proves too weak for the arrogant pride of the 
 man." 
 
 The daughter felt the imputation, and turned away 
 with an expressive smile upon her lips. The mother 
 knew the meaning and the value of that smile, and she 
 was satisfied. Pride was the weakness of Gcraldino ; 
 and upon this characteristic the cunning woman played. 
 She knew that while she kept this feeling sore and 
 irritable, her schemes were in no danger ; and she knew 
 enough of Hammond's character, and suspected enough 
 of his policy, to believe that he would be more likely to 
 increase this irritability of her daughter's mood than 
 to soothe or overcome it. We shall see whose politics 
 were the wisest. 
 
 The greater portion of the company having arrived, 
 the grounds began to be filled with groups, detaching 
 themselves from the mass, each for the gratification of 
 his or her peculiar sympathies. Some of the younger 
 damsels might be seen swinging or skipping rope under 
 the shade-trees, with a fair sprinkling of dapper young 
 lads to devour, with greedy looks of love, their several 
 movements and devices. Here and there, along the 
 avenue, might be seen a whizzing ball, in the hurling 
 of which the youngsters were the performers, and the 
 ladies were lookers on; while tables, spread convenient- 
 ly, offered cakes and lemonade as refreshments to the 
 languid and exhausted. But anon, the drum gave the 
 gratuitous signal, and the clarionet and violin led the 
 way for a procession. The swing and rope were aban- 
 doned in a moment, the ball received its last cast. The 
 youth of both sexes came together, and paired off, by a 
 very natural movement, which showed how sympathetic 
 
the tennesseean's story. 183 
 
 were the instincts of both parties ; and away they 
 march in a procession which led through a beautiful 
 avenue of oaks and cedars. It was at this moment, and 
 while our young friend Jones Barry, being plucked 
 by the sleeve by Mrs. Foster, was breaking away from 
 the society of Tom Nettles, and rushing forward to 
 offer his arm to Geraldine, that Randall Hammond was 
 seen suddenly to glide from under a clump of shade- 
 trees, near the avenue, and anticipate his intentions. 
 Geraldine certainly did not, in her countenance, reflect 
 the spite which was apparent in the visage of the mo- 
 ther, at this moment, to Tom Nettles, wlio muttered to 
 himself with that sort of grin and chuckle which the 
 man of mischief puts on when he sees sport. 
 
 "It sticks, old lady, does it? and so it should. Ran. 
 Hammond is the lad to conquer both of you." 
 
 I lis sneer and feeling did not prevent him from play- 
 ing the gallant with the very lady whose vexation had 
 so much pleased him. While the anger was yet quiver- 
 ing on her lip, he drew nigh, and with the sweetest 
 smile in the world, and the nicest compliment, he 
 tendered her his arm ; which, as he was a most comely 
 person and a moderately young bachelor, the judicious 
 lady at once frankly accepted. 
 
 "Really," said he, "Mrs. Foster, you are in every 
 respect fortunate. The day is just the day for such a 
 fete, and it is no discredit to the company to say that 
 it is worthy of your arrangements. I need not say that 
 they are worthy of any company.' ' 
 
 "Oh, Mr. Nettles, you overwhelm whilo you delight 
 me!" 
 
 " True in every respect, my dear madam. I never 
 saw so excellent. and large a collection of fine people 
 before in the county. I could scarcely have thought, 
 indeed, that the county could boast of so many fashion- 
 able-looking people." 
 
 " Nor does it, Mr. Nettles!" answered the lady, with 
 a delighted smile. "In some instances, I have gone out 
 of the county for my guests." 
 
 "That explains it," said he, quietly, as if assured 
 
184 AS GOOD AS A comedy: or, 
 
 and satisfied. "Miss Foster," he continued, " is a beau- 
 tiful creature. They would make a noble couple." 
 
 The motion of his hand was in the direction of Geral- 
 dine and Hammond, who were just wheeling out of sight 
 in a turn of the avenue. The remark, which he well 
 knew was wormwood to his hearer, remained unanswered. 
 Nettles was a man to dash his bitter usually with some 
 sweet ; though, pcrhnps, the bitter was apt, finally, to 
 preponderate. 
 
 " lint it is the misfortune of young persons, who have 
 no guardians sufficiently their seniors to command their 
 veneration, to be perverse in such matters. I should 
 fear that Miss Foster is too decidedly your companion 
 to be sensible of your authority." 
 
 " There is some truth in what you say, Mr. Nettles, 
 though, as her proper guardian, I ought not to confess 
 it. But, the fact is that, when I yielded to the entrea- 
 ties of Mr. Foster, I was but a child myself." 
 
 The words passed through the brain, but did not find 
 their way to the tongue of Nettlos : " Pretty well grown, 
 and honestly twenty-eight, if old grandmother Crowell 
 knew anything about it." lie did not suffer any pause 
 for reflection, as he answered — 
 
 " The county proverb is a true one, I'm afraid, Mrs. 
 Foster." 
 
 "What proverb, Mr. Nettles?" 
 
 " That which says that the mothers are only the elder 
 sisters of the daughters, and that the widows are always 
 in the way of the virgins!" 
 
 " lint you don't believe it, Mr. Nettles ?" 
 
 "At this moment, I have every reason to do so;" 
 and the grateful lady was not unconscious of the slight 
 contracting pressure upon her own of the arm in which 
 it rested. The thought irresistibly forced itself upon 
 her — 
 
 " IJow strange that Mr. Nettles shouldn't have thought 
 of a wife. Certainly, it's high time for him to do so, if 
 he ever means to get one." 
 
 Nettles was a famous mocker, but we must follow the 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 185 
 
 company rather than the conversation. The procession 
 continued through most delightful groves, all the way 
 to the mill-seat of Gushlynn. On the route, the young 
 people sported like so many kids. Conspicuous among 
 these was Jones Barry; who, playing his antics directly 
 in the sight of Geraldine Foster, might, if he had been 
 sufficiently observant and sagacious, have seen upon her 
 countenance a scorn quite as expressive as that with 
 which Michal saluted David when she saw him dancing 
 along the highways. Geraldine, in respect of pride, was 
 no bad representative of Saul's daughter. Barry was 
 the centre of a bevy of fat girls, whose dimensions some- 
 what reminded him of the barkeeper's daughter, whom 
 Kettles had counselled him to choose for a wife. It was 
 evident that he was not less a favorite among them, 
 because he consented to play antics in their sight. He 
 might have had his choice among them, without leaving 
 the rejected any better satisfied, or worse off. Miles 
 Henderson revolved near Geraldine, but as an escort to 
 one of the Baileys, a quiet, dignified girl, one of the 
 three or four whom Mrs. Hammond was not unwilling 
 that her son should espouse. The procession passed 
 forward, the music still vibrated along the groves, and 
 soon the groups began to arrive at the beautiful place 
 chosen for the picnic, the fine park of open pines which 
 spread along at the foot of the falling waters of Gush- 
 lynn. This was an abandoned mill-seat, the great dam 
 and lloodgate of which were still maintained in repair; 
 the former being a broad carriage-track, overgrown on 
 each side and perfectly shaded by great evergreens, the 
 water-oak, the cedar, and several other trees; while the 
 lloodgate afforded a pretty and picturesque fall of water, 
 whose torrents were always making a pleasant murmur 
 for the groves. Above the dam lay an immense sheet 
 of several thousand acres, several feet deep, of water; 
 while below, the falling surplus found its way, after 
 passing the wreck of the old mill-house, into a sweet little 
 lake, which was sufficiently deep for midsummer bathing. 
 This too was surrounded by an ample shade of evergreens, 
 
 10* 
 
186 AS GOOD AS A comedy: OR, 
 
 andthefow^nsewi/t'presentedoneof thoselovely pictures 
 of united elevation, water, and shade-tree which, after all, 
 present the most durable materials for the landscape 
 painter. J lore then, along the mill-dam, in the shade of 
 the pine woods below, and at intervals around the reserve 
 and the lakelet of discharged waters, our company dis- 
 persed themselves, each after his own fashion seeking 
 pleasure. Here again the swing was found, as well of 
 rope as of great grape-vines on which the young dam- 
 sels reclined, and in which they were rocked occasionally 
 by the eager hands of the dutiful young men. Here, 
 too, the ball was again put in requisition among the 
 more athletic, who darted through the wide green 
 avenues in graceful flight, or hurried in pursuit, with 
 good-natured fury. Some of the young ladies did not 
 scorn to engage in the play, though it was observed 
 that all who did so had previously taken the precaution 
 of wearing short frocks and ample pantalettes. These 
 nice little appendages of the petticoats, it was perhaps 
 censoriously remarked by some of the elder maidens, 
 were worn quite gratuitously by several who in no other 
 way could be suspected of being still in miniature girl- 
 hood. But this matter does not concern us. It may 
 be well, however, to state that Geraldine, whatever 
 might have been the imputations upon her eccentricity, 
 was not seen to participate in any of these wilder exer- 
 cises, though her excellent step-mother frequently urged 
 it upon her, and stoutly seconded the entreaties of our 
 friend Barry, who challenged her to a match at rope- 
 skipping. That the eye of Hammond and his mother 
 were both upon her, all the while, with some curiosity, 
 did not discourage Mrs. Foster from her object. On 
 the contrary, somewhat stimulated by seeing* that they 
 watched the daughter, she was more than ever anxious 
 to persuade her to the exhibitions of the hoyden. Wo 
 have already some knowledge of her policy. It did not 
 succeed in this instance, even though, stung by refusal, 
 she said bitterly, as she turned away from the girl:. 
 " Well, you are perhaps right. 1 see that the Queen 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 187 
 
 of Sheba, ami her wise Solomon, arc both watching you. 
 They would never countenance, 1 suppose, any such in- 
 nocent practices." 
 
 The high-spirited girl was half tempted to whirl away 
 upon the rope, or to seize, and wing, and pursue the 
 ball, as she heard this imputation upon her courage, but 
 she too had her reilcctions, and prudently forbore. 
 Indeed, she now began to feel, not only that she had 
 something at stake, but that her step-mother was neither 
 the most wise nor the most disinterested of counsellors. 
 Barry, sustained by her guardian, she began to feel was 
 something of a bore; and she was conscious of a purpose, 
 which she now perforce maintained, which would suf- 
 ficiently try the sense of propriety as well in Hammond 
 as his mother. But of this hereafter. It is certain 
 that she refused to do the graces on the skipping-rope, 
 or the fairies in pursuit of the flying ball. She con- 
 ducted herself with a demureness which, while it vexed 
 her mother, was quite satisfactory to other parties; and 
 Mrs. Hammond returned home, at an early hour in the 
 day, much better reconciled to the object of her son's 
 admiration than she was before she came. 
 
 Meanwhile, the business of the day proceeded with 
 pleasure, as it had begun. Dinner was spread under 
 the shade of the great trees ; a well-considered repast, 
 in which the provision was ample, and in good taste. 
 In this matter, Mrs. Foster received no small assistance 
 from her daughter, who had brought to her knowledge 
 the refinements of the ancient and elegant city of Savan- 
 nah. When one of the plain country ladies of the past 
 generation beheld, for the first time, a display of silver 
 forks, and silver fish and butter-knives, she exclaimed, 
 with looks of genuine apprehension, " I reckon the 
 widow must have broke Savannah !" 
 
 The fruits of the West Indies had been brought to 
 grace the repast. There were oranges and lemons, 
 plantains and bananas, pineapples and cocoanuts. There 
 were preserved fruits and foreign cordials, and a very 
 generous supply of champagne ; a beverage which mobt 
 
188 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 effectually entrapped, to their overthrow, sundry per- 
 sons who had never drank any beverage of similar 
 flavor more grateful than "persimmon beer." Our 
 friend, Jones Barry, through the agency of Mrs. Foster, 
 was a conspicuous person in the order of the exercises. 
 He was rather a volunteer, when the champagne-corks 
 were to be sprung, his whole soul being surrendered to 
 the happiness of seeing the young ladies start with sur- 
 prise at a sound which was so unwonted from such a 
 source. We must add that his practice was scarcely so 
 innocent when he busied himself in decoying the same 
 simple damsels to such free draughts of the liquor as 
 rendered them scarcely less ridiculous than himself. 
 That mischievous creature, Tom jXettlcs, was busy, 
 however, in playing upon Barry the same game which 
 he played upon the girls, and he watched with no little 
 pleasure the uncertain strides which the latter took 
 among the several groups which he haunted, while his 
 voice equally increased in thickness and rapidity. These 
 ludicrous proceedings, however, were about to undergo 
 a change. There is scarcely any human pleasure, as 
 we know, which can be considered certain for three 
 hours together. Our hero, Barry, in the midst of his 
 merriment, suddenly remembered that he had a serious 
 business before him ; a look and a whisper from Mrs. 
 Foster drew his attention to Geraldine, who had wan- 
 dered off with Miles Henderson to the ancient mill-site, 
 and was now to be seen at the extremity of one of the 
 remaining" beams or sleepers. The torrent ran at 
 considerable depth below. Beside her, stood Miles 
 Henderson. He seemed about to leave her; and, with 
 the words, "Now's your time," Mrs. Foster left Barry 
 to pursue his purpose. 
 
 Barry, who was a creature of simple impulses, imme- 
 diately started away, and, in his passage up the mill- 
 dam, met Miles Henderson returning alone. Poor 
 Miles had given in his petition, but without waiting or 
 seeking for a present answer. He only implored that 
 Miss Foster would read his billet at the first opportu- 
 
the tennesseean's story. 189 
 
 Hi ty, and communicate her reply as soon as possible. 
 He muttered something about anxiety and suspense; but 
 he was rather unintelligible to himself, and lie could not 
 trust himself to be more explicit, lie was crossing the 
 mill-bank quietly, without seeking to attract attention, 
 and was just about to descend to the plain, when Barry 
 appeared below. The latter, however, perceiving the 
 object whom he was pursuing to be still lingering at 
 the end of the great sleeper which crossed the chasm, 
 one end resting upon the bank and the other upon the 
 opposite foundations of the mill-house, proceeded to take 
 the shortest route for reaching her, and, instead of keep- 
 ing the bank, he darted aside, and was in a few moments 
 seen upon the sleeper. The height was a dizzy one, and 
 so was the head of the daring suitor. Miss Foster, seeing 
 his approach, hastily thrust the note of Henderson into 
 her besom. At this moment, and when he was half 
 way across the passage, he began to fumble in his own 
 bosom, and before he or anybody could conjecture his 
 peril, he toppled suddenly,losthisbalance,and went over, 
 kicking and floundering with ineffectual struggles, into 
 the boiling waters below. Fortunately, they were deep 
 enough to break his fall, which was some twelve or fifteen 
 feet, and he disappeared, headforemost, in the petty gulf. 
 Geraldine screamed aloud, for she saw the accident 
 instantly, and the scream was echoed by a dozen other 
 pretty damsels on the opposite side. It required but a few 
 moments to make the event known among the crowd, 
 and twenty seconds had not elapsed before Tom Nettles 
 and Randall Hammond had made their way to the edge 
 of the lake, where l>arry was now struggling with very 
 ineffectual efforts, his wine being diluted, seemingly, to 
 the entire defeat of his energies, by the disproportionate 
 quantity of the inferior liquid which he had swallowed 
 after it perforce. A couple of long-pointed poles hap- 
 pened to be convenient, and were seized in the same 
 instant by Hammond and Nettles. With these they 
 fished the poor fellow up by his clothes, to the bank, 
 the mischievous Nettles contriving, more than once, 
 
190 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 by seemingly awkward movements, to thrust him down 
 into the lake just when he expected to be out of it. It 
 was in vain that Hammond honestly labored to get the 
 gallant upon his legs. It happened, unfortunately for 
 Barry, that his head lay nearest to Nettles ; and the 
 wilful agitation of the latter, with his pole thrust into 
 the breast of Barry's coat, succeeded in giving him seve- 
 ral severe dips before he was finally extricated. 
 
 "Whoo! Tom! What the devil, man ! would you 
 drown me in a mill-pond V 
 
 " No, Jones, my dear fellow ; but I'm quite nervous 
 at your situation — quite." 
 
 And, as he spoke, the head of the unfortunate took 
 another plunge, at the very moment when Hammond 
 was drawing him ashore by the leg. lie came forth 
 looking aghast, shook himself like a water-dog, and it 
 was then seen, for the first time, that he held a letter 
 clasped in his hand. 
 
 "Why, Jones, what have you got there ?" demanded 
 Nettles. 
 
 "A letter !" and, with the words, he cast his eye up 
 to the head of the mill-seat, as if still looking for Ge- 
 raldine. But she was no longer in sight. 
 
 " A letter ! Where the deuce did you get it ? — at 
 the bottom of the lake ?" 
 
 "Don't ask me, old fellow. I'm no better than a 
 heathen icicle. I'm chilled to the heart. Get me into 
 the bushes, and bring me a bottle of champagne." 
 
 " A good brandy-toddy would be better," said the 
 other, while he hurried off. Hammond then conducted 
 him into the woods, while he summoned his servant to 
 go off for fresh clothing. 
 
 "Won't you go home yourself, Barry ?" demanded 
 Nettles, when he returned, having first administered his 
 drink. 
 
 " No ; I feel better now. I shall be dry soon. Here, 
 Tony — [to the boy in waiting] — kindle up a fire, and 
 let me know what the natural feeling of dry breeches 
 is. What a d d affair it is !" 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN's STORY. 191 
 
 "Dreadful!" said Nettles. " But that letter, 
 Jones?" 
 
 "Oh! if you must see it, there it is." 
 
 Nettles, reading the address — 
 
 " To Miss Geraldine Foster," &c. 
 
 At these words, Hammond disappeared, leaving the 
 two friends together. It was night when they showed 
 themselves again, Barry looking as happy as if nothing 
 had happened, and ready for all the grateful intricacies 
 of the Virginny reel. 
 
192 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 CHAPTER XV. 
 
 THE EVENING OF TIIE DAY. 
 
 Mrs. Foster was greatly discomfited at the disaster 
 of her favorite. She contrived, however, to keep her 
 countenance ; an effort of which her daughter was not 
 capable. She, as well as most of the young damsels, as 
 soon as it was discovered that Barry was in no danger, 
 laughed outright at his predicament, and were extremely 
 amused and interested at the way in which he was fished 
 out of the pond; the particular part taken by Nettles in 
 this delicate operation being very intelligible to most of 
 them. II is disappearance in the bushes was followed 
 by a movement of the whole party. The day had passed 
 with great satisfaction to most of the company, and even 
 this accident did not materially abate the general satis- 
 faction. The dinner was excellent ; the cates, wands, 
 the wines and dessert, in especial, were equally new and 
 grateful to the popular palate ; and it was with height- 
 ened feelings of enjoyment, and heightened expectations 
 also, that the guests listened to the signal of the drum, 
 which announced the return to the homestead. With 
 flying colors and triumphant music, the gay cavalcade 
 moved forward ; but in order very different from that 
 in which they came. There was now more life and im- 
 pulse, and less formality. People are more at home 
 usually after the wine and walnuts ; and the chatter was 
 incessant, the laughter wild, and not a few pranks and 
 petty excesses were practised on the return route among 
 the younger people. Hammond did not now escort Miss 
 Foster. He left that pleasant duty to other gallants, 
 of whom the fair damsel had a liberal supply. Hender- 
 son also kept aloof, feeling quite too anxious and too 
 
THE TKNNKSSKKAN'S STORY. 193 
 
 much intorcstod in tho result of his application to risk 
 himself near the person who hold his futo in her hands. 
 Tlio return of tho party was happily timed to bring thorn 
 into tho grounds about tho " Lodge," just about dusk. A 
 fairy scene greeted the eyes of tho guests as they now 
 drew nigh. A hundred altars seemed to llaiue, at in- 
 tervals, among tho trees and along tho great avenue. 
 Here rude elevations had been made of clay and sand, 
 upon which piles of dry combustible pine had been accu- 
 mulated, ami which were* now all blazing brightly, in 
 sharp, upWard-darting tongues of fire. Tho rich illumi- 
 nation lighted up the scene less softly and brightly, in- 
 deed, but even more picturesquely than the moonshine; 
 and tho happy groups wandered through various path- 
 ways over which the blazing brands cast a rich, red lustre, 
 that eminently enlivened the rude forests, and made tho 
 particular trees stand forth, each like a frowning giant. 
 The admiration of the company was unanimous, and 
 Mrs. Foster exulted in a triumph which she did not 
 inform any of her guests was duo wholly to tho fancy 
 of her step-daughter. .For that matter, the entire scheme 
 of the day belonged to the latter. All that was fanciful 
 and picturesque in the design originated in her taste and 
 invention. Tea was served, as tho party wandered 
 among tho trees in the park. The tables which had 
 borne lemonade and cakes in the morning, were now 
 covered with hissing urns and fairy-like cups of china; 
 and here the pledges for partners were given for tho 
 dances which were to follow. After the pleasant fashion 
 of the peasants in tho south of Europe, gay squadrons 
 prepared to dance under the shade-trees, and by tho 
 light of tho pine-blazing altars. Others, more consi- 
 derate of domestic forms and health, prepared to occupy 
 the great hall, the parlor, and piazza of the dwelling- 
 house. Tho music was already in full discourse, and 
 tho groups whirling in tho dance, when Nettles and 
 Barry made their appearance. Tho latter had been for- 
 tunate, taxing the full speed of his horse " Glaucus;" 
 the tk Fair Geraldine" being in too great esteem to be 
 17 
 
194 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 used for common purposes, in getting from home a fresh 
 supply of snugly-fitting garments. His long-tailed blue, 
 and shining gold buttons, made a conspicuous figure in 
 the assembly, particularly when contrasted with his pan- 
 taloons, of the most delicate velvet buff. Mrs. Foster 
 saw his return with delight. The good lady had begun 
 to be apprehensive of the game. She was afraid that 
 the ridiculous attitude in which he had been placed, his 
 somerset from the* sleeper into the lake, and the un- 
 happy floundering which followed there, had disgusted 
 her daughter. She was also by no means a satisfied 
 spectator of the frequent, though brief and broken 
 sketches of conversation which had taken place between 
 Geraldine and Hammond. The reappearance of Barry, 
 restored in appearance, and looking rather attractive, 
 was refreshing. She drew him privately into an inner 
 room, and, while she served him with a dish of tea from 
 her own hands, she could not forbear breaking forth 
 with — 
 
 " Really, Barry, how could you make yourself so ridi- 
 culous ?" 
 
 " Ridiculous !" he exclaimed, sipping the beverage ; 
 "I ridiculous, ma'am?" 
 
 " Such a ridiculous situation, I mean !'' 
 
 "Perilous, you mean?" 
 
 " Yes ! it was perilous. But how did you come to 
 fall ? What carried you out on that sleeper V 9 
 
 " I reckon the champagne had something to do with 
 it ; champagne and love together." 
 
 "Love?" 
 
 " To be sure ! "What else ? "Wasn't Miss Geraldine 
 at one end of the log, and alone ? Didn't you give mo 
 the hint, and wasn't this the letter?" 
 
 Here he showed the luckless epistle, which, full of fiery 
 virtue, might be supposed to have been well tempered 
 by its subsequent saturation, like a hissing blade of Da- 
 mascus in the sacred waters of the Baraddee. Mrs. 
 Foster seized the neatly-folded epistle in her hands. 
 
 " Give it to me ! 1 will deliver it myself, this very 
 
TIIE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 195 
 
 night. Meanwhile, do you go out and make yourself 
 agreeable with the young ladies. Don't be too particular 
 with Gcraldine. Only let her see you, and see that you 
 can make yourself agreeable to others. Dance with that 
 Miss Berric ; flirt as much as you can with Miss Dooly. 
 Either of them would be glad to snap you up. Let her 
 see that ! There's several others, Miss Iligbcc, Ellen 
 Mairs, and Sophronia Ricketts, all of whom will be glad 
 to have you 'squire them. Only don't be rash, don't 
 venture any strange thing, and all will go right. I'll 
 deliver the letter !" 
 
 "Well ! I thank you very much, for I was beginning 
 to feel quite squeamish about it. I'm a little afeard that 
 Hammond's getting on rather fast!" 
 
 " lie ! never fear. He has dropped too many stitches 
 for him to take up in a hurry. Will you have some more 
 tea?" 
 
 " I shouldn't care if I had something stronger." 
 
 " Oh ! you mustn't think of any such thing now. I 
 can give you stronger tea." 
 
 "Well; if there's nothing better.'' 
 
 " Taste that," said the hostess, spooning him from a 
 cup which the servant handed ; and the scene was a 
 good one for the painter. Barry, like an overgrown 
 boy, sitting back in his chair, while the fair widow — by 
 no means old or uncomely — cup and saucer in one hand, 
 and spoon in the other, fed him with the smoking 
 beverage. 
 
 " Prime !" said he, with an air of satisfaction. Then 
 taking the cup, he dashed it off with something less of 
 appetite than resolution ; and, abruptly darting from 
 the chamber, hurried out to seek a partner. Mrs. 
 Foster followed him with eager interest, and was at 
 length pleased to see him sprightly whirling it with the 
 bouncing Rebecca Floyd. It was with no dissatisfac- 
 tion that she beheld Miles Henderson dancing with 
 Gcraldine. It was somewhat strange that she enter- 
 tained no such fears of this young man as of his friend. 
 He was quite a worthy and a very lovable person; tall, 
 
196 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 graceful, good-looking, very amiable, and tolerably well 
 off' in point of fortune. But, somehow, these qualifica- 
 tions never occasioned a fear ; though they were in all 
 respects, but that of fortune, very far superior to any 
 of the possessions of her favorite. She kept the couple 
 in sight till the dance was over ; and then hurriedly 
 summoned Geraldine, in a whisper, to the inner room, 
 but not before Hammond had succeeded in engaging 
 her for the country dance that followed ; the silly and 
 highly objectionable custom of securing partners for 
 many dances ahead, not then prevailing as it does now — 
 certainly not " in these diggings." When the two were 
 safely together in the snug little apartment, where 
 Barry but a little while before had sipped his tea, 
 Mrs. Foster, with a very triumphant air, thrust the 
 letter of that worthy into the hands of the young lady. 
 
 " There ! There's something for you." 
 
 "What's this?" 
 
 "An offer!" 
 
 " Indeed ! Here's a pair of them, then, I suppose," 
 said the maiden, somewhat coolly, as, for the first time, 
 she took from her bosom the billet of our friend, Hen- 
 derson. u First come, first served," and she proceeded 
 to break the seal of the latter. 
 
 " Who's that from ?" asked the step-mother, with 
 some anxiety. 
 
 " Miles Henderson. He gave it me at the mill." 
 
 "Oh, well!" and the good lady seemed relieved as 
 the daughter proceeded in its perusal. This done, she 
 laid it quietly on the table ; Mrs. Foster taking it up 
 and going over it as soon as she had laid it down. The 
 perusal of Jones Barry's declaration followed, on the 
 part of the person to whom it was addressed, and Mrs. 
 Foster watched Geraldine's countenance with increas- 
 ing curiosity, while pretending to examine Henderson's 
 letter. But she gathered nothing from the face of our 
 heroine. She read the one epistle, as she had done the 
 other, with a singular calm, amounting to indifference ; 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 197 
 
 and, handing it to the mother, begged her to take care 
 of both. 
 
 "But what will you say? What aro you going to 
 do ? You accept V 
 
 " There's no hurry ! I'm not in the humor now to 
 think of these things. The gentlemen deserve that I 
 should think of their offers respectfully." 
 
 " Oh, certainly ! But Barry ?" 
 
 " Mr. Jones Barry must learn to wait as well as his 
 neighbor," was the quiet reply; and at that moment 
 Gcraldine was relieved from further questioning by the 
 entry of Miss Betsy Graystock, who bounced in to say 
 that Mr. Randall Hammond was looking for his partner, 
 the country dances being about to begin. It was with 
 some chagrin that Mrs. Foster saw the promptness with 
 which her protege hurried out after this notice ; and her 
 disquiet increased as she watched the couple through 
 all the mazes of the dance that followed. It was her 
 endeavor to keep these parties continually in sight, 
 while they remained together ; but this was not alto- 
 gether possible, consistently with her cares and duties 
 as hostess. Her attention was finally called oft' to some 
 domestic arrangements ; and, while she was engaged in 
 the inner room, the dance ceased. Returning to look 
 after her charge, as soon as the confusion of shifting 
 groups could possibly allow, she was a little displeased 
 and distressed to find that they were now nowhere in 
 sight. It was not her policy to afford to Hammond — 
 whose influence over Gcraldine she really began to ap- 
 prehend — any unnecessary opportunities ; and, seizing 
 Barry by the arm, she sent him off, with a whisper, to 
 look for Gcraldine in one direction, while she set off 
 herself, in another, to detect the whereabouts of her 
 supposed companion. 
 
 Hammond, meanwhile, had readily persuaded Geral- 
 dine to a promenade under the shade-trees along the 
 avenue. They were not alone in this measure. The 
 gay groups, most of them, after dancing, had taken a 
 similar direction ; and, as the night was pleasant, they 
 
 17* 
 
198 
 
 might be seen straying away through the various groves, 
 glimpsing here and there through the prolonged vistas, 
 their white garments gleaming spiritually under the 
 flickering lights from the numerous blazing pyres of 
 pine wood, which the watchful care of the negroes in 
 attendance from time to time supplied with fuel. The 
 search of Barry and Mrs. Foster was not an easy one, 
 to examine these various groups and trace out the par- 
 ticular couple among the scattered flocks that wound 
 about capriciously in every turning of the wood. It 
 was still more difficult, when the object of Hammond — 
 perhaps not unobserved by his companion — was tempo- 
 rary secrecy and seclusion, lie led her away from all 
 other sets, and, in the doubtful light of a half-decaying 
 pile, and under the friendly shadows of a venerable 
 oak which had lived long enough to know how to keep 
 secrets, and was probably too deaf to hear, our hero 
 mado his declaration. lie spoke in warm and touching 
 language, evidently with a full and feeling heart, but 
 still in accents of a firm and dignified character. The 
 imperfect light did not suffer him to perceive the emo- 
 tion which his proposals occasioned on the cheeks of 
 the damsel ; but he felt her hand tremble in his, and 
 her reply was slow. For some moments, indeed, a pro- 
 found silence followed his speech, and his heart began 
 to sink with a feeling of dread and disappointment, for 
 which, it must be confessed, he found himself very im- 
 perfectly prepared. But, with some abruptness in her 
 manner, as if her reply was the result of a real effort, 
 and was, indeed, foreign to the genuine feeling which 
 was at her heart, she somewhat surprised him by say- 
 ing— 
 
 " I am honored, Mr. Hammond, by your offer, 
 and—" 
 
 There was a pause, when she again began — 
 " You have heard, no doubt, Mr. Hammond, that I 
 am a very thoughtless, a very whimsical, a very capri- 
 cious, a very eccentric girl, and, in truth, I am so. I 
 have been very foolish, and my foolish resolutions some- 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 199 
 
 times trouble me, as they do in this instance. But the 
 kind and complimentary declaration which you have 
 made reminds me of one of my own, and I am half 
 ashamed to tell you what it is." 
 
 " Indeed ! But, dear Miss Foster, you cannot doubt 
 that I will be the most indulgent of all judges — " 
 
 " Oh, surely, as far as it is possible ; but your de- 
 claration makes you an interested one, and my resolve 
 concerns this very declaration." 
 
 " Indeed !" with an air of some surprise. 
 
 "Yes, indeed !" and there was now some little pique 
 mingled in with the lady's embarrassment ; " but it 
 concerns not only your proposals, sir, but those of other 
 persons. You must know, sir, and I do not mention 
 the fact except from the necessity of tho case, that 
 yours is the third offer of marriage which I have had 
 to-day." 
 
 " Then, Miss Foster, I am to understand that I am 
 too late?" This was said rather proudly. 
 
 " Not so, Mr. Hammond. You are, on the contrary, 
 rather quick. I have as yet determined on neither, 
 and a rash resolution — a foolish vow — makes it impos- 
 sible that I should determine directly. I — I have been 
 very foolish, sir." 
 
 The poor girl seemed really very much embarrassed. 
 Her sympathies were all with Hammond ; but her pride 
 had been committed, and it was still watchful and re- 
 sentful. Hammond perceived and felt for her embar- 
 rassment. 
 
 " If I knew what to say or what to do I" said he. 
 " If I could only conjecture tho cause of your embar- 
 rassment !" 
 
 And ho hesitated. Tho pride of the girl came to 
 her relief. 
 
 " I have been very foolish, no doubt ; but that is no 
 reason why I should be cowardly. I must risk the re- 
 proach of being whimsical and ridiculous; but you shall 
 know all. Mr. Hammond, your horse ' Ferraunt' is, you 
 tell me, the fastest horse in the country?" 
 
200 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 Iler companion was confounded. This question, 
 seemingly so absurd, was put with all imaginable se- 
 riousness ; nay, with something like a vehement earnest- 
 ness, while the speaker looked directly up into the face 
 of the person she addressed, as if anxiously awaiting 
 his answer. He was bewildered. 
 
 " Really, Miss Foster, you surprise me. What can 
 the speed of my horse have to do with the matter?" 
 
 " A great deal — a great deal. Only tell me, is it 
 not so? Is not ' Fen-aunt* the fastest horse in the 
 country? In short, can't he beat Mr. Henderson's 
 4 Sorella,' and the ' Geraldine,' my namesake, of Mr. 
 Barry's?" 
 
 " Such is my opinion. Nay, without an accident, I 
 am very sure of it. But really, Miss Foster, you must 
 again permit me to express my surprise at the ques- 
 tion." 
 
 " Oh, I know that you think me very ridiculous, and 
 I am so — I am so," answered the girl, now laughing 
 playfully and wildly, as if with a heart fully relieved of 
 a burden. 
 
 " Forgive me, sir, I am but a child ; seventeen only, 
 to-day. Forgive me ; but will you spare me to-night ? 
 Suffer me to convey to you my answer in writing." 
 
 She gave him her hand as she spoke. He seized and 
 conveyed it to his lips, and the action was in noways re- 
 buked. But it was witnessed. Mrs. Foster broke ii\, at 
 this moment, with " Geraldine, Geraldine ! my daughter, 
 you are wanted.'' 
 
 "I am with you, mother;" and she whirled away 
 with the intruder, who had barely time to say, " What 
 do I see, Geraldine?" when Jones Barry came up to 
 entreat the hand of the latter for the next cotillon, and 
 to relieve her from the necessity of answering a very 
 awkward question. 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 201 
 
 CHAPTER XVI. 
 
 THAT LAST DRINK AND DANCE, AND WHAT CAME OF IT. 
 
 We must premise that, when dispatched by' Mrs. 
 Foster in search of Geraldine, Jones Barry did not 
 proceed directly upon his mission. He was diverted 
 from this object by his friend Tom Nettles, who ap- 
 peared to have been seeking, and who, seizing him by 
 the arm, drew him to the rear of the building with a 
 look and manner of very mysterious confidence. 
 
 " Jones," said he, " champagne is an excellent crea- 
 ture, and so is sherry. I like them very well in their 
 way. But they seem to me, in comparison with our 
 good old Georgia drinks, like the dessert to the solid 
 feast. The nuts are good, the raisins, cakes, and al- 
 monds; but, after all, my boy, give me a genuine haunch 
 of venison, a good smoking ham, and a fat turkey, or a 
 pair of ducks. So with these wines. I acknowledge 
 champagne' to be a fiery, well-bred gentleman ; but he 
 is too uniformly genteel and delicate. I want more 
 solid argument than he can give me, and so I turn, 
 when I can, to a sober whiskey-punch, a brandy cock- 
 tail, or a peach or apple toddy." 
 
 " But you can't get any of them here," said Barry, 
 eagerly. 
 
 " Can't I? Leave Tom Nettles alone for finding out 
 where the weasel sleeps. This fellow Abram, who 
 serves as a sort of major-domo in the widow's house- 
 hold — By the way, Jones, the widow would suit you 
 better than the daughter ; she's a better armfull. Don't 
 you think so?" 
 " She looks well." 
 " Ay, and would wear well, old fellow." 
 
202 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 " She would, indeed." 
 " Think of it. It's worth a thought." 
 " It's too late now." 
 
 ""What! are you engaged to the daughter?" 
 " I suppose you may say so. It's as good as that. 
 I'vo handed in the letter." 
 
 " IMi-e-w ! Don't halloo till you're out of the wood." 
 "But to the liquor. Ahram — " 
 " Oh, Abram : yes ! Well, that AbranTs a fellow 
 after one's own heart ; and, whether you marry the 
 daughter or the widow, I hope you'll give him to me. 
 Feeling the want of the stronger spirit, I said to him : 
 1 Abram, this is a pleasant fellow, this champagne, to 
 say a word to at coming and at parting, but he don't 
 seem to answer so well through a long visit. Now, 
 haven't you something in the shape of a plain, homely, 
 sensible old Georgia drink, that won't foam, and hiss, 
 and sparkle when you speak to it?' Upon which the 
 fellow whispers to me : ' Old master had a jimmyjohn 
 of mighty fine peach in the garret, and, since he's gone, 
 we never uses it.' 'Abram,' says I, 'your master was 
 a sensible man when alive, and I hope was sensible 
 enough when he died to go to a place of good spirits. 
 God bless him, and us. Abram, my lad, can you get 
 us a look at that jimmyjohn?' " 
 
 "Well?" demanded Barry, somewhat eagerly. 
 " AVell ! Here it is, and here's Abram, and here's 
 a few fellows like yourself, ready to take a toss at the 
 tankard." 
 
 They had now reached an apartment in the basement 
 of the building, where a few rude tables sustained a 
 world of crockery, cups, plates, and glasses, such as had 
 already been used above stairs. On one of these tables 
 stood the ancient demijohn, covered with antique dust 
 and honoring cobwebs. Honey, water, cups, and 
 tumblers were in readiness, and nothing was to be done 
 but drink. Even the beverage — a suiheient quantity — 
 had been mixed in anticipation by the judicious Nettles, 
 and the beaker, that was thrust into Barry's grasp, 
 
TIIE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 203 
 
 glittered to the brim, with equal strength and sweet- 
 ness. In the taste of the sweet, he did not recognize 
 the potency and excess of the strength, and it was with 
 a royal mind that he now broke away from the group 
 of drinkers to continue his search after Gcraldine. We 
 have seen at what moment and under what circum- 
 stances he found her. As he left Nettles and his 
 companions, a loud laugh attested the conspiracy. 
 " lie has it," cried Nettles. 
 u A most mortal shot," said Dick. 
 "It'll floor him, sure," said Ned. 
 u 'Twould floor a bullock," muttered Peter; and, 
 with these calculations, they all scattered in pursuit of 
 their victim, with a view to watching the results. 
 
 Meanwhile, unsuspicious of danger, and with a con- 
 fidence in himself gradually increasing as the peach 
 began to "blossom'' in his veins, Jones Barry led his 
 partner triumphantly to the hall, where the dancers 
 were rapidly assembling from all quarters. The com- 
 pany had begun to thin ; the hour was becoming late ; 
 the old people had pretty much departed, except those 
 inveterate appetizers who will wait through the tedious 
 rounds of dancing in which they do not share, in order 
 to partake of the supper, in which they never fail to 
 insist upon something more than their share. It is not 
 every day, with these, that Paddy kills his favorite 
 cow, and" they make the most of the event when he 
 docs. There they sat or stood about the room, wait- 
 ing anxiously the close of the last cotillon. Mean- 
 while, the music sounded merrily, and the dancers 
 began to vault and whirl. Jones Barry and Gcraldine 
 found themselves confronted by Tom Nettles and Polly 
 Ewbanks — Polly being the most portly of all tho fair 
 people assembled — as ignorant of the dance as a horse, 
 and as clumsy as an elephant. But Polly had a rather 
 pretty face, and though sho felt doubtful of tho sort of 
 display which hor legs would make, she was willing to 
 peril them rather than lose tho chanco of a market for 
 tier face. With rosy red checks, and a rolling, swim- 
 
204 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 ming motion, like a great Dutch galliot in a heavy, 
 swelling sea, Polly went to and fro, very Imperfectly 
 steadied by the arm, and hand, and counsels of he"r 
 partner. "Why the deuce," was the thought of Barry, 
 "did Tom Nettles choose such a woman for his partner, 
 when so many so much more comely and compatible 
 could be had?" But Tom had his reasons. There was 
 mischief in his eye, only perceptible, however, to his 
 comrades, one of whom was in the same set with our 
 couple, while the others were eagerly and anxiously 
 looking on. But Jones Barry had neither the time, 
 nor was he in the mood, to make reflections. The 
 peach began to pouch upon the territories of his brain. 
 lie leaped high, he vaulted, whirled, wheeled, clapped 
 his hands, and at length seemed about to reach that con- 
 dition of extase in which certain virgins under religious 
 inspiration have attained, by which they can stand upon 
 the air and dance upon nothing, without the aid of any 
 unseemly ornaments about the neck. Geraldine began 
 to be disquieted ; but her situation admitted of no "ex- 
 trication. She felt its annoyances the more as she 
 beheld, at a little distance, the grave, sedate, and cir- 
 cumspect eye of Randall Hammond fixed upon the 
 proceedings. But the confusion grew. First, there 
 was some little awkwardness in Tom Nettles himself. 
 He wheeled to the right when he should have gone left, 
 and when the figure called him to cross over, he sent 
 his partner into the arena. She was constantly blun- 
 dering; but this Jones Barry was now becoming too 
 happy to perceive. Though a very fair dancer himself, 
 Ins errors soon became apparent. Yet he was correct- 
 ing Nettles all the while. 
 
 " Wrong, Tom ; to the right about ! Now we go ! 
 How it blazes ! Whoop ! She flies ! Glorious, Tom; 
 eh?" and he strove, while speaking, to bestow a signi- 
 ficant look with those eyes which'were momently~be- 
 coming more and more small. Round he went, whirling 
 his partner with him. Round went Tom Nettles, with 
 his nearly round partner, her enormous sides seemin^ to 
 
TIM; TKNNKHBHMAN'fl 6TUUY. 20f> 
 
 swoop and force bark, at the same moment, ovory ob- 
 joct of the circle. 
 
 " Wrong, Mr. Barry," said Gcraldine, as lie darted 
 forward with a bound after the leviathan beauty. 
 
 11 Not a bit of it I" ho criod, with a hiccough. 
 
 " Here I" said Mettles to Polly Kwbanks. 
 
 *' There !" ho cried, in the next moment. 
 
 " Now !" he muttered, an ho whoelod her forward, 
 
 " Hero !" as ho whirled her back. Her faco was as 
 red as the sun at Betting, after a hard day's travel in 
 hot wouthor, Jler breath eamo and went without leav- 
 ing her very sure of its coming. Harry grew more and 
 more happy; made all sorts of movements, to all points 
 of the compass; and, at length, while all was buy,/, and 
 bustle, and confusion, u terrible concussion was heard. 
 He had come in conflict with Polly, in one of his orratio 
 moments, and the event was precisely such as might be 
 anticipated from the encounter of the (Mirth with the 
 tail of the great comet. It was more than a comet's 
 tail, comparatively speaking, that which overthrew 
 Jones J lurry ; but down ho went, his legs pawing com- 
 pletely from under him, and between the uplifted feet 
 of Polly, elVeeting that catastrophe which the mere 
 jostle with him had not occasioned, Down she went 
 also, in the midst of the ring, which spread out on all 
 sides to make the space which her dimensions rendered 
 necessary, and with a Bquall that shook the house to 
 its centre. There was no describing the scene — the 
 terror, the screams, the disquiot. 
 
 M Hack to back !" cried Marry, now fairly drunk, and 
 sending out his legs as well as he could, with their 
 movements somewhat cramped by the pilo which the 
 fair Polly still continued to present, as a sort of fortress 
 against all his efforts. 
 
 11 Help me up, for mercy's sake !" was the imploring 
 entreaty of the fat unfortunate. Nettles tried honestly 
 to do so, but his laughter deprived him of all his 
 strength; and it was left for Randall Hammond; who, 
 at tho first signal of tumult, extricated Gcraldino from 
 18 
 
206 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 the ring, to Jo this friendly office for the confounded 
 maiden, whose hurts and alarm had not made her for- 
 getful and indifferent to the awkward exhibition which 
 she had made, particularly in falling, an event rendered 
 utterly unavoidable from the fact that Barry's feet 
 came between her legs at the moment when she was 
 whirling upon a single pin. The dance broke up in the 
 rarest confusion, Barry being borne out by Nettles, 
 with the assistance of some oihcr of the conspirators ; 
 having hurt his head, as it was fabled, with striking 
 against the floor. But the blow came from the " peach" 
 out of that antique " jiinmyjohn," which Abram had 
 so unwisely discovered among his old master's treasures. 
 The unfortunate gallant was taken to an outhouse, and 
 snugly put to sleep upon a straw heap ; his last intelli- 
 gible words being: " Back to back ! back to back, Miss 
 Polly !" 
 
Tin: tennesbeban'b stoiiv. 207 
 
 CHAPTER XVII. 
 
 AS STUliUOKN AS A MULK 
 
 That night Jones Barry slept ut the "Lodge." The 
 excellent hostess, who but tuo justly suspected his con- 
 dition, having made the proper inquiries after the depar- 
 ture of her guests, soon ascertained where his treache- 
 rous friend. Nettles, had bestowed him, and had him 
 borne to a comfortable chamber, lie himself seemed to 
 have been unconscious of the transition. It is the tradi- 
 tion, which Nettles traced up to Abram, that the only 
 words spoken by him, when disturbed for removal, were 
 the same which he had last spoken in the ball-room : 
 "Back to back, Miss Polly." The next day at a late 
 hour, on opening his eyes, he found Abram in waiting. 
 Codec and toast were brought him in his chamber ; for 
 his offences were readily forgiven by his indulgent host- 
 ess, and no attentions were withheld. She gave him 
 every opportunity. lie came forth at noon, looking 
 very much ashamed of himself, with only a confused 
 recollection of what had taken place. He said not a 
 syllable about the peach-brandy, but the good house- 
 keeper had already extorted a confession from Abram. 
 This she kept to herself; and, in conversing with him 
 about the accident, she generously threw all the blame 
 upon poor Polly Ewbanks. 
 
 " She's so monstrous fat, and so mighty clumsy, that 
 I wonder she ever shows herself among young people at 
 all. But how's your head now, Mr. Barry?" 
 
 " Prime! 'Twould be better, I think, if I had a little 
 something to settle my stomach. I ate too many sweet 
 things last night." 
 
208 AS GOOD AS A comedy: OR, 
 
 " Perhaps they put too much honey in your peach!'' 
 said the widow, slyly. 
 
 " Peach, oh ! I do recollect drinking a little with 
 Nettles. By the way, Mrs. Foster, a little of that stuff, 
 it's a fine old liquor, wouldn't be amiss." 
 
 "On the principle," retorted the widow, "so well 
 known among you gay young men, that the hair of the 
 dog is always good for the bite." 
 
 " Ah !" said the offender, " I'm afraid you know every- 
 thing, Mrs. Foster. You're quite too knowing ; yes, you 
 are !" 
 
 " We know enough to be indulgent, Mr. Barry. 
 "What say you to the peach ?" 
 
 His assent was not hard to obtain, and while Mrs. 
 Foster compounded the peach toddy with honey, she 
 gave him the gratuitous information that " poor dear 
 Mr. Foster was quite fond of his peach-dram. I made 
 it for him regularly twice a day, Mr. Barry ; once about 
 this hour, and once just before he went to bed." 
 
 "What a dutiful wife!" was the reflection of Barry, 
 as he heard these words, and followed the graceful move- 
 ments of the widow. He remembered the words of Net- 
 tles: "Not a bad armful, indeed !" His further reflec- 
 tions were arrested by her presentation of the spoon, as 
 she had administered the tea the evening before, but 
 now filled with a very different beverage. 
 
 " How's that to your liking?" 
 
 " It's the very thing. Ah ! you know the way to a 
 man's heart !" 
 
 The answer to this compliment was arrested by the 
 sudden entrance of Geraldine. 
 
 "You here, Mr. Barry V" 
 
 " I'm never anywhere else !" said he, quite gallantly. 
 " How are you this morning, Miss Geraldine V 
 
 " I should rather ask after your health !" was her 
 quiet but sarcastic answer. " Y'ou were in the chapter 
 of accidents-yesterday. How's your head ?" 
 
 " Much better, I thank you ! If my heart were only 
 half so well!" 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 209 
 
 " Your heart ! bless me ! what's the matter with 
 that V" 
 
 " Ah ! the pain — " 
 
 " A pain in your heart ! Docs it come and go, Mr. 
 Barry ?" 
 
 "No! It stays!" 
 
 " Then you ought, by all means, to consult a surgeon. 
 There's nothing more dangerous. You may go oft* in a 
 minute. If you will allow me to advise, I'd set out for 
 Savannah, -without a moment's delay. Nay ! I'd go to 
 New York, and see the celebrated Doctor Physick." 
 
 "No! no! Miss Geraldine, no physic forme. It's 
 not a pain that physic can cure. You, "Miss Geraldine, 
 you can do more for me than any doctor." 
 
 " I ! in what manner?" 
 
 Barry looked about him. Mrs. Foster had left the 
 room. He drew his chair a little closer. 
 
 " You got a letter from me, yesterday V* 
 
 " Last night, sir, yes !" 
 
 " Last night, yes." 
 
 There was a moment's silence. At length Geraldine, 
 throwing aside the ironical manner which she had been 
 employing, and, without any disquiet in her air, said 
 frankly — ■ 
 
 " Mr. Barry, I'm very much obliged to you for the 
 favorable opinion which you have of me." He bowed 
 and smiled. " But," she continued, " I have made a- 
 vow that no man shall have my hand unless he wins it." 
 
 "Wins it?" 
 
 " Yes ! Now, sir, you have a beautiful horse which 
 you have done me the honor to call after me. You have 
 said, a thousand times in my presence, that this horse 
 is able to beat any in tlio county. If this be the case, 
 sir, you are able to win my hand, and I put it upon the 
 speed of your horse to do so." 
 
 "I did think, Miss Geraldine, that my filly, could 
 outstretch any other horse in the county, but you your- 
 self saw that she was beaten by ' Sorella.' " 
 
 44 Yes; but you told me that she was barely beaten, 
 18* 
 
210 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 and only in consequence of previous fatigue and your 
 own too great weight as a rider, in comparison with the 
 rider of 'Sorella,' who was a mere boy. Now, I tell 
 you, in the same day when I was honored with your 
 proposals, I received those of Mr. Henderson and Mr. 
 Hammond." 
 
 "And what do they say to this?" 
 
 "They have not yet been answered. My answer 
 goes to each of them to-day. You will communicate 
 with them. You will arrange with them for the trial 
 of speed, and the day of the contest shall be the day of 
 the wedding." 
 
 "Miss Geraldine, permit mo to say that you're a 
 most strango young person." 
 
 " I am afraid so, Mr. Barry, but I can't help it. I've 
 made this strange resolution, and I can't break it. 
 You're at liberty to enter the field or not, at your plea- 
 sure, and that you may freely enjoy this freedom, 1 beg 
 leave to hand you back this letter." 
 
 "Oh! I'll try. I'm not afraid. If Miles Henderson 
 has to ride l Sorella,' I'll be sure to beat him on ' Geral- 
 dine.' I don't know what sort of a horse is that of Kan. 
 Hammond's. They say he's a top-goer, but I'm not 
 afraid. I'm ready. I'll try for it." 
 
 "Then, sir, you will see and confer with them. In 
 this paper, you have my conditions, which I had drawn 
 out to send you, not expecting to see you here. Suffer 
 me now to wish you good morning." 
 
 "It's most deuced strange!" was the beginning of a 
 soliloquy which the entrance of Mrs. Foster arrested. 
 lie immediately proceeded to unfold the answer which 
 he had received ; an unnecessary labor, since the ami- 
 able widow, from a neighboring closet, had listened to 
 every syllable. He was surprised to see her looking 
 so well pleased, and expressed his astonishment ami 
 his apprehensions. 
 
 "Fear nothing!" was the consoling assurance of the 
 widow. " This requisition of Geraldino's, in fact, leaves 
 the ^rame entirely in your hands." 
 
the tennesseean's story. 211 
 
 "How's that? That beast of ahorse 'Sorella' has 
 already beaten 'Geraldine.'" 
 
 "You'll be able to walk the course! They'll not 
 run! This fellow, Hammond, is as proud as Lucifer. 
 He will bounce outright at the proposition, as an insult; 
 and if ho didn't, his mother wouldn't let him run, for 
 she's as proud as the devil's dam. Between 'em, they'll 
 look upon Geraldine as little better than insulting 'em; 
 I've managed that. In fact, I've put her upon the 
 whole scheme; so that, if she really had any preference 
 for cither of these men, she might kill off her own chances 
 in your favor." 
 
 "It doesbrightcn,"saidhe, "butwhat of Henderson?" 
 "He'll do just as Hammond tells him — just as Ham- 
 mond docs. There's no fear of him. Only you take 
 care to say that you ivill run; say so from the beginning, 
 and make your .arrangements, and leave the rest to me." 
 "But when's the day?" 
 
 "That's to be left for those to determine who enter 
 for the prize. The marriage is to take place on the 
 evening of the day when the race is decided. In other 
 words, you're to start from a fixed point at a certain 
 hour, on a certain day, the competitors all together, and 
 he who first comes up to the door of the "Lodge" may 
 claim the lady. I am to know the day, and the wed- 
 ding feast shall be prepared, and the parson shall be in 
 readiness." 
 
 "It's a new way of doing business." 
 "It's the way for you, so see to it; and don't let out 
 to Nettles or anybody what I tell you of my calculations, 
 for then they might come to other resolutions, if it was 
 only to balk us. If they once thought I had anything 
 to do with it, they'd most certainly do so; for then 
 they'd think that Geraldine was directed what to do by 
 me." 
 
 Wc need not linger with these parties. If Jones 
 Barry was confounded by the answer received to his 
 proposals, what was the astonishment of Miles Hender- 
 son and Hammond? The letter to the former was a 
 
212 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 simple but respectful one. It declared the resolution of 
 the lady, and forbore all expression of feeling or opin- 
 ion. Ho sallied off with it to Hammond. The latter 
 read it, and mentioned that he had also received an 
 answer to his application, the purport of which was the 
 same. lie did not show the letter, however, and it was 
 -with a secret pleasure that he remarked a material 
 difference in the style and wording of the two letters. 
 While that to Henderson merely declared her determina- 
 tion, in simple terms, as if written without an effort, 
 showing the writer to be comparatively indifferent to 
 the feelings which she might provoke, that to himself 
 was distinctly apologetic in its tone. While her requi- 
 sition was precisely the same in both the letters, she 
 was here prepared to show something like a regret that it 
 had been made. "I deem it right to say," was the 
 language in one place, "if only in justice* to myself, 
 that it is rather in obedience to a resolution, perhaps 
 rashly made, but which I must still hold inviolate, that 
 I attach so singular a condition and qualification to my 
 assent, particularly where, as in the present instance, 
 the application, as I am well aware, does me so much 
 honor." 
 
 This may have been ironically said, but it was more 
 grateful to the self-esteem of Hammond to fancy other- 
 wise : and though vexed and wondering at the absurdity 
 of the requisition, it was somewhat grateful to discover 
 such a decided difference in the language employed in 
 Henderson's letter, and his own. Besides, he recollected 
 with feelings of satisfaction the inquiries which the 
 young lady had made the night previously as to the speed 
 of his horse. All this made it sulhcicntly apparent to 
 his vanity that she desired his success; and yet the re- 
 quisition was not the less offensive to all Ins ideas of 
 propriety. 
 
 " To choose her husband according to the legs of his 
 horse !" said Henderson, with praiseworthy indignation. 
 
 " It is astonishing ! there is some mystery about it," 
 said Hammond. 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 213 
 
 " To put us on the same footing -with that silly 
 creature, Barry !" exclaimed the one. 
 
 " The mother is at the bottom of it," responded the 
 other. 
 
 " What is to he done ?" cried Henderson. "I'll be 
 
 d d if I'll run a race to get a wife. If it's in 
 
 the heels of my horse that she's to find my merits, I 
 shall be at a loss where to look for hers." 
 
 " Very well said, Miles, and quite spirited. But, as 
 you say, what's to be done ? that's the question. Now, 
 I'll tell you what I think. I propose to go and see 
 Miss Foster in person, and to talk the matter over with 
 her, showing all the absurdities of this requisition, and 
 the ridiculousness of the position into which it will 
 throw all parties. I think she may be persuaded to 
 hear reason, for I am disposed to think that the whole 
 affair originated with the step-mother. "What she pro- 
 poses to effect by it, unless it be merely to astonish the 
 natives — a thing grateful enough to her silly vanity — 
 it is impossible for me to conjecture. Now, without 
 pressing Miss Foster on my own account, I propose 
 simply to argue the matter with her; to show her how it 
 will appear to the public; and endeavor to impress upon 
 her how uncertain will be the securities of domestic 
 happiness where the tie is based upon such conditions. 
 What think you, Miles? Such was my purpose before 
 you came." 
 
 " Has your mother heard of it — have you told her?" 
 
 " No ; and I don't mean to tell her ; for I know that 
 
 she would at once require mc to withdraw my proposals. 
 
 She would never forgive Geraldinc for what she would 
 
 regard as an insult." 
 
 " And so do I consider it. But, as you say, she may 
 be led by that woman, her step-mother, who is as mis- 
 chievous as a young puppy. I don't know but your 
 plan is the right one. You go to her. You can talk 
 with her. I'll ride over to Nettles's during the morning, 
 and meet you hero again at dinner." 
 
 "Very good," was the reply, and off the parties 
 
214 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 posted. To Nettles, Henderson unfolded his troubles ; 
 but that quiz could afford no consolation. The mys- 
 tery was entirely beyond his solution. He thought the 
 affair comical in high degree, and concluded that the 
 principle onco adopted — that of running a race for a 
 wife — would completely revolutionize the concerns of 
 riage. 
 
 It would certainly discourage me from the attempt 
 to change my condition. I prefer running rigs to run- 
 ning races ; and if I thought ever so much of a woman, I 
 shouldn't thank her for admiring the legs of my horse 
 more than she did my own ;" and, with these words, he 
 extended the favorite limbs — showing a handsomely- 
 turned thigh, calf, and ankle — and stroked them with 
 the complacency of a bachelor whose frequent escapes 
 from the snares of the sex have sufficiently shown his 
 value. 
 
 Meanwhile, the eyes of the widow Foster beheld our 
 hero, Randall Hammond, wheel into the avenue and 
 come cantering gently up to the entrance of the 
 "Lodge." She hurried to the chamber of Geraldine, 
 whom she found already acquainted with the fact. Shu 
 did not perceive that the countenance of the latter ex- 
 pressed something like trepidation. She was arraying 
 herself for the reception of the guest. 
 
 ", Well, you'll have to see him," were the first words 
 of the widow as she broke into the room ; " but what 
 he comes for, unless to make you break your resolution, 
 I can't see. And now, Geraldine, show your firmness; 
 for no matter what man you marry, if you waver now, 
 you'll never be your own mistress afterwards. He'll 
 rule you without mercy, if you don't. I know some- 
 thing of men. They're all tyrants where you let 'em ; 
 and this man, Randall Hammond, is perhaps by nature 
 one of the greatest despots I ever saw. His mother's 
 educating has made his nature a jrrcat deal worse than 
 it would have been by itself. He's too proud, mark 
 me, to run horse or man for you. He's too proud, in 
 other words, to climb the tree for the fruit. It's a 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 215 
 
 sufficient honor for him to open his mouth and let the 
 ripe grape fall into it. But I "wouldn't he so ripe as all 
 that, either. Now, I know that he loves you desper- 
 ately ; and only you hold out, and make no concessions, 
 and he'll have to come to your terms. It'll he a bitter 
 pill for his pride to swallow; but swallow it he will, rather 
 than lose his fruit. All your happiness depends on his 
 being made to sec that you are firm. To keep from 
 being imposed upon, a woman has only to show that she 
 won't yield; and it will be as it was with Mohammed and 
 the mountain — if you don't give in to the man, he'll 
 have to give in to you. Mark what I say, my child, 
 and keep to your resolution. Beware of his fine argu- 
 ments, and have but the one answer: ' It's a vow, Mr. 
 Hammond, it's a vow; and if you truly love me, you'll 
 run off your own legs as well as your horse's, and not 
 find it so difficult or so unpleasant.' Stick to that, and 
 I'll engage all comes out as you wish it. He'd like to 
 have you without any trouble, for that's what his pride 
 requires ; but, sooner than lose you, he'll run a foot-race 
 into the bargain, and not stop at a * hop, skip, and 
 jump.' " 
 
 Mrs. Foster was accustomed to rabble on in this 
 manner. But there was a great deal that was artful 
 in her speech, a great deal which she did not believe 
 herself, but which she yet framed adroitly to impress 
 upon the belief of her daughter. Thus, while insisting 
 that it was only the pride of Hammond that would re- 
 volt at the conditions which she stipulated, she yet took 
 care to insist that this pride was not suiheicntly stub- 
 born to risk the final loss of charms which he so ear- 
 nestly desired. She had, by this time, discovered that 
 he was Gcraldine's favorite, and she felt the danger of 
 suggesting that (as she herself believed) there was every 
 probability of his taking so much offence at the requisi- 
 tion as to withdraw his application for her hand. To 
 stimulate her pride, therefore, without making timid 
 her hope, was the policy of her game ; and she had just 
 the requisite cunning to succeed. When the servant 
 
216 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 announced Mr. Hammond, with the further intimation 
 that he called to see Miss Foster in particular, Geral- 
 dine was armed with certain high notions of feminine 
 prerogative, and was prepared to give his pride a lesson 
 such as would make it tremble with just apprehensions 
 for her love. Not that she felt quite secure in her con- 
 victions, hut that she felt quite wilful. People fre- 
 quently are never more apt to be perverse than when 
 they feel that they reason feebly and unjustly, and, 
 working upon childish passions and foolish principles, 
 Mrs. Foster had succeeded in rousing a temper in her 
 protege which made her imperious without making her 
 confident. She was resolute in her purpose as she de- 
 scended to the parlor, but her heart trembled with 
 strange chills and apprehensions all the while. 
 
 The first meeting was one of comparative awkward- 
 ness on both sides. But manliness was the particular 
 characteristic of Randall Hammond. lie had a duty 
 to perform, and he soon approached it. Having satis- 
 fied himself of his course, there was a simple sturdy 
 directness of purpose in his mind that brought him at 
 once to its performance, Gently speaking, and tenderly 
 taking her hand — a proceeding which she did not resent 
 — he spoke in those soft, subdued accents, which are 
 supposed to indicate equally the presence of a warm 
 feeling and of a proper taste. 
 
 " My dear Miss Foster, you have proposed a singular 
 condition for us, as that on which your hand is to be 
 obtained." 
 
 " I said and felt that it was so, Mr. Hammond." 
 " But surely you* are not serious in the requisition \ 
 You cannot surely mean to peril your happiness on the 
 heels of a horse V" 
 
 "You put it in strange language, sir." 
 " But in language the most appropriate, certainly. 
 This surely is the fact. You tell the gentlemen who 
 propose for your hand that there is no choice between 
 them. This, of itself, might well stagger the affections 
 of one whose self-esteem is as active as his passion." 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 217 
 
 " But I did not mean anything of the sort, sir." 
 
 " Then, permit me to say, the case becomes still 
 more perilous for yourself, if less offensive to the suitor; 
 since, if you have a choice, you wilfully subject it to all 
 the chances of the dice by risking it unnecessarily on 
 the speed of an animal which may fail, of a rider who 
 may fall, of a will which may tako offence at so un- 
 wonted a requisition, and withdraw from the pursuit 
 even where his affections are most deeply interested." 
 
 " It appears to me, Mr. Hammond, you describo a 
 very feeble passion when you speak of such." 
 
 " By no means, Miss Foster. The passion may bo 
 as warm and active as it should be — the love unquench- 
 able and enduring ; but tho sense of propriety no less 
 tenacious, and tho wholesomo laws of principle too 
 stubborn to give way to any impulses of the heart un- 
 less they are found justified by virtue." 
 
 44 Is it possible, Mr. Hammond, that flic affections 
 should be warm or devoted where the individual refuses 
 to peril his horso to obtain them If" 
 ^ " I would ncril my life for this hand, my dear Miss 
 Foster, should occasion require it; but have you for- 
 gotten that most famous passugo in tin* history of 
 chivalry, when the imperious beauty, conscious of her 
 power upon the heart of a noble kniglit, threw her glovo 
 into the amphitheatre at tho moment when an angry 
 lion was stalking over it, and motioned to the brave 
 cavalier to restore it?" 
 
 ♦'And he?" 
 
 44 Obeyed her, bra veil tho lion, recovered tho glove, 
 and restored it to the lady." 
 
 "Well! Was it not nobly done?" 
 
 u Perhaps ! In those days such follies hud a signifi- 
 cance and merit which they do not possess now. But 
 there is a sequel to tho story." 
 
 44 Pray tell it." 
 
 11 The knight who braved the lion for tho lady, from 
 that moment yielded tho lady to other knights, lie 
 turned away from the reckless beauty who would peril 
 10 ' 
 
218 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 the life of her lover only to exhibit her power over him ; 
 and the world applauded the desertion, and the beauty 
 was abandoned by all other knights." 
 
 The pride of the maid was touched. 
 
 "In this fable, Mr. Hammond, I am to behold a 
 warning, I suppose." 
 
 " A truth — a principle — is a warning, Miss Foster, 
 to all mankind. In proposing for your hand, I was 
 prepared to let you see into my whole nature — my 
 feelings, opinions, and the principles by which I am 
 governed. I am now dealing with you with the frank- 
 ness of one who hopes to find a wife in the woman with 
 whom he speaks. I speak with you unaffectedly. I 
 would peril my life for you in the moment of necessity, 
 and joy to do so. I might peril it, as a proud man, at 
 your mere requisition, or your caprice ; but it would be 
 also at the peril of my esteem for you. There is no 
 peril in bestriding a blooded horse, and engaging in the 
 contest you propose ; but it endangers self-respect, it 
 offends public opinion, it degrades the suitor, as it ad- 
 mits no difference — except, perhaps, as a jockey — be- 
 tween him and his competitors, and — " 
 
 He paused. 
 
 "Go on, sir." 
 
 "I almost fear, Miss Foster." 
 
 "Nay, sir, you have spoken with little fear, thus far. 
 You may surely finish." 
 
 "I will! It is only right that I should show the dan- 
 ger to yourself. It puts the lady in the attitude of one 
 whose standard depends upon her caprice and whims, 
 rather than her principles." 
 
 "You speak plainly — certainly without fear." 
 
 "My dear Miss Foster, I have perilled all my life in 
 the offer I have made you of my hand. I have every- 
 thing at stake which is precious. Pardon me, if this 
 consideration makes me bold, where love, alone, would 
 only make me humble. We are both young, but you 
 much younger than myself. You have seen the world 
 only through the medium of other eyes. It is easy 
 
Till! TKNNESSERAN'fl KT0KY. 210 
 
 with tlio young to err, and seeing thus, to see fitlrtoly 
 
 oven in tho most important interest*, I should almost 
 bo disposed to think ilmi, in milking this requisition, 
 aguinsl which I hog most respectfully to protest, you 
 have oboyod any but your own impulses. Lot mo on- 
 treat you to reverse it." 
 
 " Really, Mr. Hammond, you nttacli a lingular im- 
 portnnco to a horserace." 
 
 "Surely, not so much as you, Miss Foster, when you 
 ar<* Killing to rink all your own happiness upon it." 
 
 h It. is your prhlo, sir." 
 
 "It is, hut I trust not an improper pride." 
 
 "I don't know, sir; hut my prhlo too is concerned. 
 You have boon told that 1 have made a vow. I have 
 l*aid, to ;/ow, that 1 felt it to bo rash, and feared that it 
 was foolish, hut tho resolution was taken. 1 will not 
 now say whether I do or do not regrot it. Enough, 
 that it is unchangeable." 
 
 "I)o not say this, I entreat you, Miss Foster; for my 
 sake! 1 entreat — Hut no! To you I may he nothing. 
 For your own sake, then — for your future peace, and 
 happiness, and hope — do not peril everything on a re- 
 solution so utterly unmeaning and without obligation. 
 It needs hut little eflbrt of wisdom to show that truth, 
 propriety, common sense, all agree to absolve you from 
 such a vow. Beware how you persist ! It will he fatal." 
 
 lie rose as he spoke. 
 
 "Do you threaten, Mr. Hammond V" 
 
 "Warn! Warn only." 
 
 "1 thank you for your warning, sir; hut I doubt 
 whether it is duo more to your notions of principle than 
 to your own feelings of pride, and — " 
 
 "My pride, Miss Foster 1 You do not know or un- 
 derstand me. 1 spoke not for myself in this matter, 
 hut for you. Not with regard to him who should bo 
 fortunate enough to secure this hand, but in regard to 
 the happiness of that heart which you will permit mo 
 to say, 1 believe to bo more misguided than wilful. Tho 
 conditions which you couplo with this hand will, I foar, 
 
220 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 greatly peril that heart, no matter -who the suitor it 
 shall win. Am I to understand that you will not, in 
 any circumstances, modify this resolution?" 
 
 He took her hand as ho spoke. His eyes were fixed 
 upon hers imploringly, with an expression of the deepest 
 interest in her reply. Hers sunk beneath them. The 
 struggle in her heart was great, hut the whisper of the 
 evil genius was still in her ears. 
 
 "It is his pride that speaks, and you must humble it, 
 if you would not have him your master. He will not 
 give you up. He will yield to your terms, when once 
 he finds that he cannot command his own." 
 
 She faltered forth a renewal of her resolution. Then 
 he rose, released her hand, and said — 
 
 "I leave you, Miss Foster ; of my determination on 
 this subject you will permit me to write hereafter." 
 
 He was gone, and she hurried to her chamber and 
 flung herself in a fit of weeping upon her bed. The 
 mother would have consoled her, but in vain. 
 
 " You have destroyed me!" was all she said. "lie 
 will ne\er come again." 
 
 " And if he doesn't," was the elegant response of the 
 mother, "there's as good fish in the river as ever came 
 out of it." 
 
 A proverb that certainly fails in respect to the mack- 
 erel fishery. "VYe never get half so good a mackerel, 
 nowadays, as was common ten or fifteen years ago, 
 though we pay as good a price for it. 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 221 
 
 CHAPTER XVIII. 
 
 HOW THE RACE WAS RUN, HOW THE RACE WAS WON, AND 
 WHAT HAPPENED THEREUPON. 
 
 " She may whistle for it ! I'll never marry a wo- 
 man who chooses me on the score of my mare's legs 
 and bottom." 
 
 Such was the elegantly-declared resolution of our 
 now thoroughly indignant Miles Henderson, when 
 Hammond reported how ill he had sped in his mission 
 to Geraldine. 
 
 " She certainly pays us no compliment." 
 
 " Compliment ! She treats us as if one man was 
 just the same to her as another. Who'd marry a wo- 
 man on such terms ? What man who values his happi- 
 ness at all will take a wife who don't prefer him to all 
 other suitors?" 
 
 "Miles?" 
 
 "Well, Ran.?" 
 
 "Geraldine does express this preference." 
 
 "How?" 
 
 "She knows very well that ' Sorclla' can beat Barry's 
 filly. She has done so. Now, it seems to me that this 
 must have been in the recollection of Geraldine when 
 she made the requisition." 
 
 "Yes, but ' Ferraunt' can beat l Sorella.' " 
 
 " True, perhaps ; but if you will engage in the con- 
 flict with Barry, I'll decline it. I'll leave the field to 
 you." 
 
 " No, no, Ran. ; that won't do. I sha'n't run at 
 all. If the lady don't like me sufficiently to answer 
 'Yes' at once, we're quits. I wouldn't have her now 
 
 19* 
 
222 AS GOOD AS A C0M3DY: OR, 
 
 on any terms. I think she has treated us most out- 
 rageously." 
 
 " I'm disposed to think her foolish and vexatious 
 mother's at the bottom of it all, though what she pro- 
 poses to gain by it, I do not exactly see ; yet a thought 
 strikes me. It's very clear that Mrs. Foster has all 
 along preferred Barry to either of us. Now, if we 
 withdraw from the field, he walks the course and takes 
 the purse. This, perhaps, will be just the thing that 
 tho mother hopes for. That she has blinded Geraldino 
 by some artifice, is very possible. Now, I'm not will- 
 ing that the mother should be gratified. I'm disposed 
 equally to balk her and to punish Geraldine. 1 feel 
 something of your indignation ; and, though I'm sure 
 she prefers either of us to Jones Barry, yet I fear she 
 presumes upon what sho thinks our passion for her, to 
 coerce us with this humiliating condition. She seems 
 to take for granted that we cannot but yield, however 
 little we may relish doing so." 
 " What's your plan?" 
 " To accede to her conditions." 
 " How, accede !" 
 
 " Yes, apparently at least. "We'll write her to that 
 effect, see Barry, make the arrangements for the race, 
 and get all things in readiness." 
 "Well!" 
 
 " It will be easy to throw Barry out — to beat him 
 after the first mile — and thus defeat the calculations of 
 the mother." 
 " Well !" 
 
 " We agree that the wedding takes place the very 
 day of the race. Let them have the company, let 
 them get the parson, let them make the feast, and let 
 us — " 
 
 "Well! well!" 
 
 " Ride off as we came, leaving them to eat the supper, 
 and marry as they can." 
 
 " Bravo ! I like it ! It will shame them to the 
 whole countrv." 
 
THE tennesseean's STORY. 223 
 
 " They deserve it ! What think you ?" 
 " It's a sentence! They shall pay the forfeit. The 
 idea is capital. It'll be a lesson to such people here- 
 after." 
 
 " Then let us proceed about it. "What we do we 
 must do quickly, so that the thing shall not be blown 
 unnecessarily abroad. I shall keep it from my mother 
 if I can; at all events, I must keep from her that I 
 mean to put in for this prize. To do this, I'll go home 
 with you, and we'll write and work from your house. 
 To Barry we must send to-morrow, and have the race 
 early next week.'' 
 
 The arrangements, as devised, were all made. Barry 
 was invited to an interview, and readily came into the 
 arrangements ; somewhat disappointed, however, to find 
 so prompt an acceptance of the conditions, in spite of 
 the confident predictions of Mrs. Foster. That good 
 lady was quite as much confounded as anybody else ; 
 but she made the best of a bad bargain. She encour- 
 aged Barry to hope ; and it was with a confident face 
 that she could now say to her daughter — 
 
 " You see ? 'Tis as I told you — you have only to be 
 firm, and he submits. This is the way with men, always. 
 Women yield too readily. Let them only stick out to 
 the last, and they'll rule in the end." 
 
 Meanwhile, the affair got abroad, and was the cause 
 of no little excitement. The* subject is one which still, 
 to this day, interests the people of the surrounding 
 country. They call it the " race for a wife." Of 
 course, it was the crowning event in the history of 
 Geraldinc Foster's eccentricities. They little knew 
 how small was the share of the poor girl in the pro- 
 ceeding. Nettles was delighted with the affair. Its 
 novelty charmed him. He did not exactly expect that 
 Hammond would have engaged in the contest, for he 
 had quite as high an opinion of that gentleman's pride 
 of character as was entertained by Mrs. Foster ; but he 
 said nothing against it. He told Jones Barry, however, 
 that the game was all up with him ; that the "Fair 
 
224 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 Geraldine" stood no chance against either the heels of 
 " Ferraunt" or " Sorella." " But," he continued, " I 
 shall be glad to see you beat, for reasons I've already 
 given you. This girl is not the girl for you. Better 
 the step-mother, Mrs. Foster. She's neither old nor 
 ugly, and she knows what good living is. Besides, 
 she's a widow, whose gratitude to the man that will 
 take her off her own hands will make her tolerably sub- 
 missive. But, better still, the fat girl, Susannah, at 
 Hiram Davy's corner. She's the good creature, the 
 sweet laughing armful of happiness, all fat and good- 
 humor. Even Polly Ewbanks, whom you overthrew at 
 the ball, would be more suitable, and, for that matter, 
 she evidently likes you." 
 
 " Don't speak of her, the cow ! I'll never forgive 
 her for that tumble. She threw me, thrusting her ele- 
 phant legs between mine, just when I was cavortintj." 
 
 " The boot's on t'other leg, Jones. It was you that 
 thrust your pegs in the wrong direction, and you did 
 the mischief. In truth, Jones, I'm afraid it was more 
 design on your part than accident." 
 
 " I swear to you, Tom, I never designed anything ; 
 but I'm willing to confess that that ' peaeh' was quite 
 too much for me, after the sherry and champagne." 
 
 " Not a bit of it ; but there was a sort of destiny 
 that made you and Polly Ewbanks fall together ; and, 
 mark ray words, I prophesy that, if ever you marry, 
 it'll be one of the three — Polly Ewbanks, Sukey Davy, 
 or the widow Foster — and I don't care much which : 
 though Sukey or Polly, either, would make you the 
 best wife. It's very certain that if Geraldine Foster 
 is to be got by running only, you stand no chance 
 against ' Ferraunt* and i Sorella.' " 
 
 Mrs. Hammond at length heard of the terms of the 
 conflict, and was shocked at its monstrosities. She at 
 once appealed to her son in the earnest language of a 
 mother, to avoid any such competition. He answered 
 her evasively but satisfactorily, in calm but earnest 
 language. 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN S STORY. 4 J'J;> 
 
 "Fear nothing, mother; there is no prospect of my 
 ever being united with Miss Foster." 
 
 And here the matter rested until the day appointed 
 for the trial. The three competitors had, in their 
 separate answers, agreed upon the terms. They had 
 also — using a discretion which had been conferred upon 
 them — concurred in entreating that the day of the raco 
 should be that of the wedding also. The company wcro 
 accordingly invited, and the Reverend Timothy Bind- 
 well, of the Presbyterian Church, was entreated to be 
 present, and made his appearance in his robes of office 
 at the appointed hour, lie was one of those to whom 
 it was always agreeable to bring the young together in 
 the blessed tics of marriage, particularly where the 
 wedding-supper was apt to be good, and the marriage- 
 fee a liberal one. His expectations, on the present 
 occasion, were of superior magnitude. It was observed 
 as an evil sign by Geraldino that Mrs. Hammond, 
 though invited, was not present when the company was 
 assembled. She remarked this to her mother, as some- 
 thing ominous ; but the latter had her answer. 
 
 " Oh ! she no doubt feels as bitter about it as she 
 can. If her pride could have ruled her son in such a 
 matter, he had never consented to the terms." 
 " 1 hardly think that he will consent now." 
 " How ! When we have it in black and white, under 
 his hands? But dress, my child" — this conversation 
 took place in Geraldinc's chamber — " dress, so as to be 
 quite in readiness. I'll send Rachel up to help you." 
 " Send no one ! I'll ring if I want her." 
 The mother left the room, and the poor girl, as if 
 with a presentiment of the mortification to which she 
 was destined, sank down listlessly before the window, 
 looking out upon the long avenue up which the com- 
 petitors were to ascend. How bitter were her reflec- 
 tions at this moment ! How she deplored the readiness 
 with which she had given ear to her mother's' counsels ! 
 and with what warning solemnity did the words and 
 looks of Hammond, in their last interview, when he 
 
226 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 came to expostulate, rise to her recollection ! She 
 probably would not have been dressed but for the re- 
 appearance of Mrs. Foster, who insisted upon her 
 immediate preparations. She assisted her in making 
 her toilet, taking care all the while so to speak as to 
 fortify the pride of the damsel, and excite her spirits 
 through the agency of her vanity. Tale, but — in the 
 language of Mrs. Foster — "beautiful as an angel," the 
 devoted girl was at length prepared for the conflict and 
 the company. Meanwhile, let us look after the several 
 claimants for her hand. 
 
 We need not detail the preliminaries, important to 
 the parties, but not so to us, which were duly arranged 
 among themselves. Time, place, distance, tho signal 
 for the start, were all agreed upon; and at the proper 
 minute the several competitors, each attended by his 
 friend, appeared upon the ground. Tom Nettles offici- 
 ated on the part of Jones Barry, who had in fact be- 
 come a sort of dependent upon the superior judgment of 
 that humorist, and never failed to seek him on every 
 emergency. Henderson and Hammond were attended 
 by two young men, whom it is not important to introduce 
 more especially to our readers. The word was given, 
 and the three steeds leaped oft' most beautifully together, 
 but had not run a hundred yards before the "Fair Geral- 
 dine," as if fearing the loss of her good name in such 
 formidable rivalry, or frightened by some unusual object 
 along the roadside, suddenly bolted into the woods, tak- 
 ing rider through bush and through brier, a formidable 
 chase, which, but for his frequent practice as a fox hunter, 
 would have certainly endangered his neck. When the 
 unfortunate Barry succeeded in reining in his capricious 
 beauty, who seemed disposed to emulate her namesake, 
 he found his competitors clean gone out of sight, and 
 himself hopelessly distanced. He gave up the chase 
 entirely, and, cantering out into the open track, came 
 forth just'as Nettles, and the two other bottle-holders, 
 were riding forward to the "Lodge." He joined them, 
 and, putting the best air upon his defeat possible, he 
 
THE TENNESSEE AN 's STORY. 22Y 
 
 told tlicm how it happened. The two friends of Ham- 
 mond and Henderson condoled with him like men of 
 proper gallantry; but Nettles openly congratulated him 
 upon the event. 
 
 "The hand of fate is in it, Jones. You are destined 
 for Tolly Ewbanks, Sukey Davy, or the widow. I'm 
 glad of it. This jade is too high-necked for you, and 
 would have ruined you forever as a good fellow." 
 
 Thus talking, they wheeled into the avenue. Mean- 
 while, let us hurry to the "Lodge," and sec how things 
 arc working there. Geraldine had not long descended 
 to the parlor, and was in the midst of salutations and 
 congratulations innumerable and inconceivable, when 
 the cry rose from the piazza — " They arc coming ! They 
 arc coming!" This occasioned a rush. The bride was 
 deserted, and with a strange sinking of the heart, she 
 crouched, rather than reclined, on the sofa, leaving it 
 to others to report the conflict, which she no longer 
 had the courage to behold. Mrs. Foster was the first to 
 bounce into the piazza as she heard the cry. Parson 
 Bindwell placed himself along-side of her, and the seve- 
 ral groups, according to relationship or intimacy, ranged 
 themselves in near neighborhood. The banisters were 
 thronged, two long benches were filled with crowding 
 forms, and several stood upon chairs dragged for the 
 purpose from the parlor. Poor Geraldine hearkened 
 breathlessly to the murmurs and the cri.es from without. 
 
 " The sorrel has it!" cried one. 
 
 " And now the iron gray !" cried another. 
 
 "But wherc's Barry? Where's Barry?" was the 
 impatient inquiry of Madam Foster. 
 
 " Distanced!" was the answer from one of the party, 
 "as I always said he would be." 
 
 It was evident there were but two horsemen, and these 
 were Hammond and Henderson. The race was evidently 
 a close one. Approaching in front, the spectators could 
 see no inequalities in their speed, and opinion was kept 
 in a constant state of fluctuation as they advanced. 
 
 "Now they come ! They come with a rush!" 
 
228 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 " The sorrel has it!" 
 
 "No, 'Fen-aunt!' " 
 
 " It's hard to say which \" 
 
 " They come ! Tliey come !" 
 
 At these words, Geraldino could hear the suspense no 
 longer. She darted to her feet, rushed to the door-way 
 just in season to behold the two horses, lock and lock, 
 wheel before the entrance ; while the riders, waving and 
 kissing their hands to the company, and bowing their 
 heads, darted away at the same speed in the opposite 
 avenuo leading up the road, and were lost to sight in 
 a moment. 
 
 ""What does that mean?" demanded the parson. 
 
 " They are ofl' !" said another. " But who won ?" 
 
 " The iron gray! Hammond was ahead by a neck." 
 
 " It was close work ; neck and neck, and hard to say 
 which had it till the last moment. Then it was that 
 Ran. Hammond's horse came out a neck ahead." 
 
 Such was the verdict, gravely delivered, of those who 
 had most closely watched the conilict. But where were 
 the competitors ? Where was he who had triumphed, 
 and to whom the trembling prize was to be awarded ? 
 Geraldine did tremble, but it was with a joy which spoke 
 out in her bright eyes, and played in a sweet smile upon 
 her pouting lips. But why did not Hammond appear? 
 AVhat could be the meaning of that reverential bow, that 
 wave of the hand, as the riders continued on their course ; 
 and of the long delay which followed ? Meanwhile, 
 Barry and Nettles, with their companions, made their 
 appearance. The misfortune of the former was soon 
 explained ; and, in her grief and vexation, Mrs. Foster 
 drew him in with her to the well-known little room where 
 he had sipped his tea and toddy at her hands, to reproach 
 him, as well as she could, for his accident and defeat. 
 Here he could not help the reflection forced upon him 
 by Nettles, that there was really something quite lov- 
 able in the widow. It was while they sat together that 
 Geraldine rushed into the chamber, her face red, her 
 eyes dilating in anger, her whole appearance that of in- 
 
THE tennesseean's storv. 229 
 
 dignation almost rising into fury. She held a crumpled 
 paper to her mother, which had once been a neatly-folded 
 billet. 
 
 " See to what I am brought by your counsel!" 
 
 The mother read. The note was from Hammond to 
 Gcraldine. It ran thus : — 
 
 " Mr. Hammond presumes that curiosity as to the 
 respective speed of his and other horses, alone, prompted 
 the singular requisition of Miss Foster, and that she had 
 no serious design of making such performance the con- 
 dition of a solemnity so vital to her happiness as that of 
 marriage. Mr. Hammond has done his best to gratify 
 her curiosity, and should be sorry to avail himself of the 
 result to the prejudice of Miss Foster. He accordingly 
 begs leave to release her from any supposed obligations 
 to himself." 
 
 " Disgraced! Insulted! Oh that I were a man! 
 That I had a friend! a brother!" 
 
 The widow pushed Barry, and, as Gcraldine paced 
 the chamber with face averted, she contrived to whis- 
 per him. He at once started forwards at the repeated 
 words — 
 
 "That I were a man! That I had a brother ! an 
 avenger !" 
 
 " Give me this hand, Miss Gcraldine, and I will be 
 your avenger." 
 
 " Will you kill him, kill him ?" she demanded, turning 
 quickly. 
 
 "Who?" 
 
 "Who but Randall Hammond ? He has degraded 
 me before all these people. Kill him, and you shall 
 have the hand that he rejects with scorn." 
 
 " I'll call him out. I'll shoot him if I can !" 
 
 " Do so, sir ! do it quickly, and I am yours, yours !" 
 
 20 
 
230 
 
 CHAPTER XIX. 
 
 PISTOLS FOR TWO — T1IE DUEL. 
 
 Jones Barry was greatly elevated .by his new coin- 
 mission. His vanity was immediately tickled by being 
 adopted as the champion of the fair. He had heard 
 something of the days and institutions of chivalry, and 
 he felt all over knight-errantish. It was not that he de- 
 sired to shed blood, for he was, in fact, rather a kind- 
 hearted creature; but to be somebody, and to be moving 
 always conspicuously in some one's eyes, was sufficiently 
 grateful to make him lose sight of all other matters. 
 Full of fight, he hurried at once to Tom Settles, to whom 
 he laid bare all the particulars of his situation. 
 
 "It's d d strange!" said Settles; "and yet I 
 
 don't know. To touch a woman on that point is to run 
 into the quick with a rusty gimlet. I suppose, sinee 
 you've pledged yourself to the lady, you'll have to chal- 
 lenge ; but Kan. Hammond will blow you into splinters. 
 He's a dead shot at a shingle." 
 
 " A shingle's not a man ; and I can shoot too. The 
 question is, Tom, will you see to this business for me?" 
 
 "Oh, certainly!" 
 
 " Well, ride over to Hammond this morning, make 
 the arrangements, and, after that, come and give me 
 some practice at the distance." 
 
 "Very good. I'll ride round to your house from 
 Hammond's in time for dinner, and we'll make a nijzht 
 oi it. It s no time for practice after dinner, so we'll 
 leave that for next morning at sunrise." 
 
 This being agreed on, Nettles at once proceeded with 
 the challenge, which was peremptory, to Hammond. It 
 must not be forgotten that the bearer of this letter was 
 
THIS TKNNXMKNAN'fl RTOHY. 2.'U 
 
 a groat ailmirov of Hammond, Nettles only amused 
 ItiuiHolf with Hurry, and did not respect him. 
 
 44 Why, NottloH !" Nit id Hnmmond, H how can i go out 
 with iIiik foolish follow? Tho thing is ridiculous, lie 
 is thu laughing-stock of tho country, A good-moaning, 
 harmless creature enough, hut one whom I nhould ho 
 sorry to think of raising to my level. As u general rulo, 
 I have resolved to fight anybody that makes a demand 
 on mo,if only to prevent annoyance from persons who are 
 always to bo found anxious to make for themselves a 
 capital of courage out of your reluctance. Jtut J should 
 bo afraid of the ridicule which would attach to a formal 
 combat with one so utterly silly nnd ridiculous us Hurry." 
 
 41 Weill there's Homo danger of that, 1 confess; nut 
 we'll keep the thing as quiet ns possible." 
 
 44 You can't keep it cpiict. II is vanity will never suf- 
 fer him to sleep until he succeeds in making ovorybody 
 know that ho is a champion for the lady." 
 
 14 Homo danger of that; but the truth is, Kan., the 
 follow is resolved on it, and when that's the case ho can 
 annoy you quite as effectually, and perhaps make the 
 ridicule much more successful, than it would bo if you 
 were to meet him. If you say you won't moot him, why, 
 1 shall give up the business; but, in his present temper, 
 he'll only seek somebody else, who will he very apt to 
 follow it up, and vex you into it at last. Now, J have 
 a plan by which to shift the ridicule to tho proper 
 shoulders." 
 
 lie whispered his scheme to Hammond, who heard 
 him with a dubious shake of the head. 
 
 41 If 1 am to go out," said ho, 4 * 1 should prefer to do 
 so with a serious resolution. 1 should never wish to 
 triile in such matters." 
 
 Nettles had his arguments, and, without being con- 
 vinced, Hammond consented that his decision should 
 be referred to Miles Henderson, whom he made his 
 senso-koopor, as well as friend, on tho occasion. The 
 two rode over together to Henderson's, and the wholo 
 affair was submitted to him. Hammond, as in duty 
 
232 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 bound, put himself in the hands of his friend, and the 
 subtle Nettles found it much more easy to impress the 
 latter than the former with the propriety of his scheme, 
 whatever that may have been. At present, its purport 
 is concealed from us. Henderson, indeed, was greatly 
 tickled with it, and Hammond, still doubting, was com- 
 pelled to submit. 
 
 " It'll be rare sport, Ran. We shall have the laugh 
 to ourselves. Let him get the lady if he can, but, at 
 all events, give liim a mighty bad scare. I know Jones 
 well, lie's got as soft a heart as anybody in the world, 
 with all his bluster and conceit, and if we don't make 
 him run for it, my name's not Nettles.'' 
 
 Hammond, it must be confessed, did not altogether 
 relish the cool and philosophical manner witli which the 
 other was prepared to consign the lady to the arms of 
 her champion, lie still felt a deep sympathy with Ge- 
 raldine, though she had greatly mortified his pride, and 
 it was only with the conviction that her conduct had 
 been dictated by a total indifference to his claims, that 
 he was reconciled +o yielding her up without a farther 
 struggle. His mind was distracted by lurking doubts 
 of this same indifference, and was continually recalling 
 the numerous little instances in her conduct which had 
 encouraged him in the belief that she really had a pre- 
 ference for him ; but these impressions he had been 
 compelled to discard, however unwillingly, in the more 
 recent events which we have described. Uut her 
 beauties were more deeply engraved upon his imagina- 
 tion than he had been willing to believe, and he now 
 listened to her final surrender with a secret sense of 
 pain, of which he was thoroughly ashamed. The plan 
 arranged between Nettles and Henderson for the duel 
 was such as he could not approve of, and he only sub- 
 mitted to it as one accustoms himself, in such cases, to 
 submit to the conclusions of his friends, even where he 
 deems them unwise. It is a matter of punctilio which 
 decides many such affairs, in defiance of the deliberate 
 judgment of nearly all the parties. But upon this head 
 
Tun tennesseean's stout. 233 
 
 wo need not dilate. Enough that Nettles wont off with 
 an acceptance of his challenge. In three days tho par- 
 tics were to meet. Time, place, distance, and all tho 
 particulars were fully agreed on between tlio two 
 seconds, and they proceeded — ono of thein, at least — 
 to put their principals in training. Barry, not a bad 
 shot before, was practised every day, at frequent periods, 
 until ho could snuff a candle. 
 
 " You're now as good a shot," said Nettles, " as you 
 need be ; you can snuff a candle at ten paces." 
 
 " Ain't that famous shooting?" 
 
 " Yes ; but l'vo scon ltan. Hammond divide a firefly 
 upon the wing!" 
 
 Mottles had his own mode of encouragement, truly, 
 and possessed the art, in high degree, of warming and 
 cooling his patient in tho same instant — as in Russia, 
 they tell us, a fellow is taken smoking out of the 
 vapor-bath and rolled over and over in a mountain of 
 snow — and all with the view to reaction. Nettles was 
 never moro happy than when lie could exercise tho 
 nerves of our friend Barry with such pleasant contra- 
 dictions. As soon as the duel had been determined 
 upon, and the preparations made, Jones Barry pro- 
 ceeded to report progress to the lady whoso battle ho 
 espoused. Mrs. Foster, wo aro plcasod to state, was 
 now entirely opposed to tho affair ; but Gcraldine's 
 anger continued. She had few words ; but these were 
 all vindictive and wrathful. She thanked Barry for 
 his zeal, and renewed the assurance that, with tho fall 
 of Hammond, ho should have her hand. Nothing was 
 said of his own fall ; but, of course, in that event, the 
 hand could be of no use to him. Before the parties 
 separated, Geraldinc drew him aside. 
 
 "Mr. Barry, I must be present at this meeting." 
 
 "Y'ou, Miss Geraldinc?" 
 
 "Yes, I must see it. I must see him fall!" 
 
 "But how? We have but two friends on each side 
 present." 
 
 "I care nothing for your fantastic forms. I must be 
 20* 
 
234 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 present. I do not mean to be seen, but to see. You 
 must manage it that I shall be hidden in the neighbor- 
 ing wood. None shall know." 
 "But, Miss Geraldine— " 
 
 "Oh! It's strange, it's unreasonable, it's unnatural. 
 I know all that ! But I must and will be there. Tell 
 me, will you arrange it?" 
 
 His answer was a compliance, and he kept his word. 
 Concealed in a neighboring copse, Geraldine Foster was 
 present when the duel took place. She had contrived 
 to get away from the "Lodge" without her mother's 
 knowledge. The place of meeting was at a spot, about 
 three miles off from it, well known to the combatants of 
 the neighborhood as "Pistol Quarter." Here, on a 
 pleasant afternoon, not ten days after the equestrian 
 contest for our damsel, the same parties met to decide 
 a more formidable issue. The preliminaries for a duel 
 are usually very much alike in all cases, and they were 
 not departed from in the present instance. Nettles, for 
 once in his life, seemed thoroughly serious, lie pro- 
 ceeded to his duties with the air of a man who antici- 
 pated the worst. To Barry he said, while placing him — 
 "You look quite too fierce and vindictive, Barry. 
 I am afraid you have bloody feelings. I trust you will 
 be satisfied with winging him only." 
 
 "I am sworn to kill him," was the stern response. 
 "Then God have mercy on his soul and yours! Should 
 he entertain a like feeling, you will both be at 'Cedar 
 Mount' (the graveyard) before to-morrow night." 
 
 Thus saying, he placed his man, and after the lapse 
 of a few seconds, the signal words were given : one — 
 two — three ! The sharp lire followed, almost instantane- 
 ously. For a moment, both parties appeared erect, but, 
 on a sudden, Hammond was seen to totter and to fall 
 right for war (1. 
 
 tk The bullet is through his heart!" was the hurried 
 speech of Nettles to his principal. "To your horse, at 
 once, .Jones, and be off as fast as Heaven will let you. 
 It's all over with him." 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 235 
 
 "Is he dead? — have I killed him?" was the demand 
 of Barry in wild and husky accents. 
 
 "You've done that same!" 
 
 "Oh! God have mercy! I'm a murderer!" 
 
 "Begone!" and with the words he pushed the pale 
 and conscience-stricken wretch from the ground, helped 
 him on his horse, and saw him wheel ahout and disap- 
 pear. He fled, looking behind him, with terror and 
 vengeance dogging at his heels. 
 
236 AS GOOD AS A comedy: OR. 
 
 CHAPTER XX. 
 
 THE GHOST OF A BUGGY. 
 
 At this stage of our story, it is just as well that we 
 should suffer our Tennessean to put in.* It is here 
 that he claimed to be privy himself to the affair; and, 
 though we despair wholly of being able to give his lan- 
 guage exactly, and certainly shall not attempt to con- 
 vey the slightest idea of his tone and manner, yet, as a 
 witness on the stand, we conceive it only right that he 
 should speak to those parts of our narrative which he 
 himself beheld. " Tom hain't forgot," said he, " that 
 when the Ingins in Florida, this Powell, and Wild Cat, 
 and Tiger Tail, and twenty more smart red skins, was 
 playing hide and seek with Uncle Sam's rig'lars, Old 
 Hickory swore a most stupendous oath that Tennessee 
 could find the boys who could clean them out. * I reckon 
 I was among the first of the volunteers that turned out 
 when the Gov'nor said we was wanted. I won't tell 
 you how we made out in Florida, for that's pretty much 
 in the books and newspapers a'ready. It's enough to 
 know, as I said before, that the Tennessee boys didn't 
 do better than other people. Fighting we had, and 
 fight we did, whenever there was a chance for it; but. 
 Lord Mcs* youi souls, there was no more seeing your 
 inimy till liis bullet was in your gizzard, than there was 
 swallowing it afterwards with a good digestion. And 
 when you did see the red skin, it was on a smart gallop, 
 on the" other side of some etarnal swamp that you had 
 to cross, belly-deep all the way, before you could get 
 at him ; and then you didn't get him no more than the 
 
 * Son rntroilne.torv \';n-r.*\tivo. 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN S STORY. Zol 
 
 man who hunted the ilea. Well, it was on the 21st day 
 
 of November, I80G — I keep all the dates in hlaek and 
 "white — that we were ordered to push for the inimy into 
 the Wapoo Swamp. We had had a smart brush with the 
 red skins, and drove 'em famous only three days before. 
 We charged with a big shout into the hammocks — the 
 swamp — and the Ingins gave us yell for yell, and shot 
 for shot. They had a smart sight upon us for a good 
 bit, while we were trying to get at 'em, and they popt 
 us over, man after man, as they run from tree to tree, 
 making every tree speak a bullet as soon as they could 
 put the tongue behind it. Now, it happened that just 
 when I and twenty others was wading through a good 
 big bit of bog and water, with a pretty thick scrub in 
 front, where the Ingins harbored, and jest when they 
 were blazing away their hottest, who should we see, 
 ahead of us all, but a man rather under the middle size 
 — a white man — as ragged as a gypsy, without any hat, 
 and with an old musket in his hand, pushing across, 
 shouting his best, and full in the face of the fire of the 
 red skins ? Jest then, when we were all beginning to 
 feel squeamish, he was going ahead, and whooping, with- 
 out a bit of scare in him. Well, that encouraged us. 
 We saw the Ingins aim at him, and I reckon his rags 
 had the marks of more than a dozen bullets ; but he 
 didn't seem to mind 'em, and they sartainly never one 
 of them troubled him. Away he went, shouting and 
 shaking his musket, and away we went after him, and 
 away the Indians went before us all. We drove 'em, 
 and got the victory. Wc picked up some scalps, but 
 nothing to speak of, and lost some good fellows. But 
 I tell you that ragged volunteer went ahead of us all, 
 and he was this same Jones Barry, about whom I've 
 been telling you this long story, lie had run all the 
 way from Georgy into Florida after killing Hammond, 
 without knowing much where he went. Never in his 
 life had any man so bad a scare. lie had run, as I 
 may say, into the arms of the Ingins, without hearing 
 their rifles ; and I do believe, as I am a free white man, 
 
238 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR 
 
 that lie seared them a great deal worse than our whole 
 Tennessee regiment. For, look you, he was a man to 
 scare people. lie was, as I tell you, in rags from head 
 to foot. He had been living among the briers, run- 
 ning into them almost at every sound. He had no 
 covering for his head. His eyes were bloodshot ; his 
 face scratched over, and bleeding on all sides; and his 
 hair had grown half white in twenty days. He looked 
 for all the world like a madman. He was a madman ; 
 and, though he fought with us, and marched with us, 
 and did everything pretty much as he saw us do, yet 
 his senses, I'm mighty sure, were, all the time, more 
 than a hundred miles away. Somehow, the poor fellow 
 got in with me. AVe marched together and slept to- 
 gether. I reckon he saw that I was a good-natured 
 chap, and so he tuk to me. I soon saw that he was 
 miserable — that there was a scare that was gnawing in 
 him all the time — and after awhile I found out that he 
 was haunted constantly by the ghost of Randall Ham- 
 mond. One night he ran out of the tent with a terrible 
 fright. Another time, when standing with a sentry, he 
 fired his piece and gave the alarm to the whole army. 
 Then he'd fall upon his knees and beg for mercy, and 
 cover his eyes with his hands, as if to shut out some 
 frightful tiling lie couldn't bear to look upon. Some- 
 times he'd run into the hammock at midnight, never 
 fearing the Ingins, though v*e all thought it as much as 
 one's life was worth to go near it. It was the dead he 
 was afraid of all the time. Now, there was a sodger 
 among the rig'lars to whom Jones Barry one night made 
 confession and eased his heart of all its secrets. But 
 it didn't e:ise him of his misery. The soldier came to 
 me and told me all, and I ax'd .Barry ; but then he was 
 shy, and swore that he never told the fellow any such 
 thing. But it wasn't more than twenty-four hours after, 
 when lie come to me and said — 
 
 " 'I can't stand it much longer. I'm almost crazy 
 now. Kan. Hammond comes to me every night. I'm 
 his murderer, and lie will have my blood. I must go 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN's STORY. 239 
 
 back to Georgy, and stand trial. I'll go and give my- 
 self up.' 
 
 " 'Well,' says I, 'my poor fellow, if you'll only wait 
 till we're mustered out of sarvicc, I'll go along with 
 you. I'm sorry for you, and I don't think you're so 
 much to blame. You've got a heart a little too tender; 
 and as you killed your man in a fair fight, I don't see 
 as how he should haunt you. He had as much chance 
 at you, as you at him." 
 
 "' Yes! but I thirsted for his blood, and he never did 
 me any harm, lie was a good man too! I must go 
 back. I will deliver myself. I see him every night, 
 covered with blood, and beckoning me, with his hands, 
 to come. It's he leads me into the hammock, and there 
 he leaves me. I must go back and give myself up to 
 justice.' 
 
 " 'Well, only wait till we're mustered out, and I'll go 
 with you.' 
 
 " lie promised and did wait, and I kept my word. As 
 soon as I got my discharge, I said to Barry, 'I'm ready.' 
 We bought a pair of stout Seminole ponies, on a credit 
 from our commissariat, and went off like gentlemen sol- 
 diers. I mustn't forget to tell you that he killed the 
 mare that he made so much brag about, the ' Fair Ge- 
 raldine,' in his run from Georgy, and tuk it on foot as 
 soon as he got near the Ingin country. How he lived, 
 God only knows, for I never saw a poor innocent eat 
 so little. But I encouraged him, and made light of 
 his mischief; and by little and little he began to im- 
 prove. We got him some new clothes as soon as we 
 struck the settlement; and, I think, when he got them 
 on, his appetite came back a little to him. One night, 
 the first night after we crossed the Georgy line, he ate 
 a pretty good supper of bacon and eggs. I think 'twas 
 all owing to his clothes. But that very night he gave 
 me and the whole house a most outrageous scare. He 
 broke out in his night-shirt, and dashed out of the room, 
 and down the stairs into the hall, where he squatted 
 
240 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 under the table. AVe slept in the same room, and as 
 soon as I could slip on my breeches I made after him. 
 He swore that the ghost of Hammond squatted down at 
 the foot of the bed, and looked over into his face, though 
 he -tried to cover with the quilt. I told him 'twas the 
 hot supper that gave him the nightmare, and I made 
 him take a pretty deep swallow of apple-toddy, that the 
 landlord made for us, after we routed him up with such 
 a scrimmage. Well, so we went ; now better, now worse ; 
 now calm, and now stormy, till we got pretty nigh his 
 county, where all these things took place. Then his 
 scare came back to him, then his heart failed him ; and 
 just when the ghost stopped troubling him, he began to 
 be troubled by the fear of the laws. But I said to him — 
 " 4 Be a man. You've come so far, see it out. Better 
 be hung and have it over, than to be scared to death 
 every night.' 
 
 " lie groaned most bitterly, but he said, ' You're right ! 
 I can't stand to suffer as I have suffered. I'm only 
 twenty- six ; and look, my head's half white ! I'm an old 
 man in the feel as well as in the look. The ghost of 
 Ban. Hammond has done me worse than my pistol ever 
 did him. lie's given me a hell upon earth, so that I 
 can't believe there's any half so bad for me hereafter. 
 Go ahead !' 
 
 " And so we went forward. It was a most sweet and 
 beautiful afternoon when we came into the very neigh- 
 borhood of all these doings. We had passed several 
 places that were famous in his recollection. There was 
 Ilillabee race-course, where they had the gander-pulling, 
 and the circus, and soon we drew nigh to the great 
 avenue leading to the 4 Lodge,' where the young lady 
 lived that had been the cause of all the mischief. But 
 it wasn't there that Barry wanted to go. The first 
 place he wished to strike for was the farm of his friend 
 Nettles, and we were only a half a mile from it, accord- 
 ing to Barry's calculations, when we came, by a sudden 
 turn in the road, upon a buggy drawn by a splendid 
 
THE tknnesseean's stoky. 241 
 
 horse, and carrying two people. One of them was a tall 
 and noble-looking gentleman, and the other was a most 
 beautiful lady, perhaps about the most beautiful I ever 
 did see. They were coming right towards us at a smart 
 trot, and, the moment Barry laid eyes fairly upon them, 
 he turned pale as death, and dashed his horse into the 
 bushes and off the road. I followed after him as soon 
 as I could get a chance, but not till I had taken a good 
 look at the strangers that seemed to frighten him so 
 much. They rode by in a minute, and the gentleman 
 gave me a civil bow as he passed. Then I pushed into 
 the woods after Barry. I found him off his horse and 
 hiding in the bushes, all over covered with a sweat, and 
 trembling like a leaf in the wind. 
 
 " ' Why, what on airth,' says I, 'is the matter now? 
 AY hat has scared you so?' 
 
 " ' Didn't you sec him?' 
 
 "'Who?' 
 
 " ' Hammond! 'Twas his ghost in the buggy!' 
 
 " ' And what has his ghost to do in a buggy, I wonder? 
 and who ever saw the ghost of a buggy before V said I. 
 * I don't believe much in such a notion, and if that was 
 Hammond's ghost, I wonder what woman's ghost it was 
 sitting along-side of him. If woman ghosts are so 
 pretty, I shouldn't be much afraid of 'em myself.' 
 
 " 'Woman!' said Barry, mightily bewildered. 'Was 
 there a woman with him?' 
 
 '"'Yes, as surely as there was a buggy and a man. 
 Now look you, Barry ; if that was Hammond in the 
 buggy, he's just as much alive as you and me. The 
 chance is, after all, that you only wounded him, and 
 you and your friend took a mortal scare too soon.' 
 
 "'No! no!' said he, very mournfully; 'haven't I 
 seen him almost every night ? hasn't he followed mo 
 everywhere ? — into the woods, into the swamps, into the 
 hammock of the Ingins ? and ain't my head gray with his 
 coming ?' 
 
 " '1 don't know,' says I; 'but if that was Hammond 
 in the buggy, he's no ghost; and it's your conscience 
 21 
 
242 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 that's been a troubling you. But let's push on, and sec 
 your friend Nettles; he ought to be able to tell us all 
 about it.' 
 
 " And so, jest as I said, we pushed forward, and I 
 reckon it all came out fast enough, as you shall see." 
 
the tennesseean's STORY. 243 
 
 CHAPTER XXL 
 showing now Hammond's ghost was laid, how harry 
 
 WAS HUNG, AND HOW JUSTICE WAS DONE UPON OTHER 
 Oil- ENDING PARTIES. 
 
 DISMISSING Tennessee for the present, we retrace our 
 steps, and go back to the field of personal combat — that 
 famous "Pistol Quarter," which has witnessed so many 
 fearful and violent transitions from time to eternity. 
 We resume our narrative at the moment when Nettles 
 sent poor Barry in terror off the field. Hardly had he 
 disappeared when awildshriek was heard from the adjoin- 
 ing thicket, and, before the parties on the ground could 
 conjecture what was the matter, who should rush out 
 ninongstMiem hut Gcruldinc Foster? Never were peo- 
 ple so much confounded. Randall Hammond was lying 
 on the grass just where he had fallen, his body partly 
 raised, and resting on his elbow. She threw herself 
 upon him with a cry which betrayed the wildest sense 
 of personal suffering. 
 
 "1 have slain him — I have slain him! Speak to mo, 
 Hammond; dear Hammond, speak to me. Say that you 
 forgive me. Forgive tho madness and the folly that 
 have brought you to this. 1 loved you only; I shall 
 always love you; but they told mo you were proud and 
 tyrannical, and they provoked my childish vanity until I 
 maddened. Oh! Hammond, will you not forgive mo? 
 Will you not? will you not V 9 
 
 She clung to him as sho ericd. 1 Lor arms wcro wound 
 about him, and her face was buried in his bosom. 
 
 •MJoruldino! Miss Foster l" said Hammond, trying 
 to rise. 
 
 "Cull mo Goraldino; cull me yours; forgive mo, and 
 
244 AS GOOD AS A comedy: OR, 
 
 take me with you, Hammond! At this moment, I am 
 yours only ! I loved you only from the first!" 
 
 Nettles winked to the prostrate man, and made certain 
 motions which, strictly construed, might be supposed to 
 mean, "Take her at her word, marry heron the spot;" 
 and the looks and signs of Henderson, now thoroughly 
 cured of his passion, were equally significant to the same 
 effect. But Hammond was superior to the temptation. 
 " Nay, Geraldine, you are deceived. 1 am in no dan- 
 ger ; indeed, I am unhurt." 
 
 She started as if to rise, but he now restrained her, 
 and, looking to his friends, motioned their departure. 
 " What does this mean V she demanded. 
 " Hear me patiently, Geraldine, and let me plead in 
 turn for your forgiveness. It means a foolish hoax, in 
 which nobody ever dreamed that you would be a part}'. 
 I am nnwounded, and the object has been simply to 
 scare the foolish person who, without provocation, has 
 sought my life." 
 
 "Without provocation, Mr. Hammond V Do you 
 forget the cruel insult you put upon me? Was it no 
 provocation to shame a young maiden before all her 
 friends and people? Oh, Hammond, how could you do 
 me so — you, for whom I showed but too much prefer- 
 ence from the beginning, in spite of all that my mother 
 would say ?" 
 
 " Will you suffer me to repent, Geraldine — to make 
 amends?" And, by this time, the arm of the pleader 
 was round about her waist, and his lips were pressed 
 upon hers, and alone in that haunted wood, famous for 
 its many murders, the two were betrothed with all the 
 dearest promises of love. We need not follow the pro- 
 gress of the scene. Enough to say that the persons 
 whom Barry and his friend from Tennessee encountered 
 in the buggy, were Mr. and Mrs. Hammond. They 
 had been fully three months married, and were living 
 very comfortably together at the residence of Ham- 
 mond's mother ; while Mrs. Foster, vexed to the heart, 
 was chewing the cud of disappointment at the " Lodge" 
 
TIIK TfiNNRBSBBAN'H BTOHY. 216 
 
 nlone. All these facta were gathered from Tom Net- 
 tles, who very frankly declared his agency in tho pro- 
 ceedings. 
 
 "Tin Mowed," mud tho Tcnncssooan, " if T was 
 Hurry, if 1 wouldn't have a real fight on the strength 
 of it, and I'd make you mv mark, my man." 
 
 lliii Marry IiiniNolf shook his head. 
 
 44 I'vo had onough of killing," Hiii<l ho. 
 
 " 1 can put yon in tho way of something hotter," Raid 
 Nettles. 44 Polly Kwhankn is ntill nlive, single, nod fat 
 as ever ; Sukoy Davy still keeps the bur at tho old man's 
 corner; and Mrs, Foster looks as well as I have ever 
 seen her, and keeps a most excellent table. I'm willing 
 to muke amends, Jones, for what harm l'vo done you, 
 by doing you finally * for better or worse,' Now, if 
 there's a mun to manage cither of those threo pretty 
 pieces of mortality, I'm that person. Shall it ho • hack 
 to buck, Miss Polly— ,M 
 
 44 Hush, you Satan ! — " 
 
 44 Or, 4 Is it to your liking, sir?' " 
 
 44 Devil!" 
 
 44 Or, 4 Is it more of tho honey or more of tho pouch, 
 dour Mr, Hurry ?' " 
 
 The Tonnossccan lingered a week among Ids new 
 friends, and became so much enamored of Nettles that 
 he asked him home with him. But tho latter, born for 
 the use of his neighbors, hud a commission in bund for 
 Hurry that was somewhat urgently pressed, liis bints 
 hud not been wholly thrown away, and Harry, among 
 his latter-day reveries, was frequently and ploasurably 
 entertained by tho recollection of that cup of tea, and 
 that bowl of toddy, by which tho widow Foster had re- 
 freshed him in the little back room of her domicil. Ho 
 remembered her round, well-proportioned figure, tho 
 sweet smilo upon her face, tho pleasant sparkle in her 
 eye, and the grateful bevorago in her hand ; and ho so 
 earnestly pressed his ruminations and convictions on his 
 friend Settles, that tho latter posted off ono pleasant 
 afternoon to tho "Lodge," and did not return homo 
 
 21* 
 
246 AS GOOD AS A comedy: OR, 
 
 until the next day. He was, as usual, received in the 
 kindest manner by the widow. He had always been 
 solicitous of her favor, on the score of his just apprecia- 
 tion of her dinners and evening parties. If Nettles had 
 a weakness at all, it lay in his passion for the creature 
 comforts. lie had always taken care to please her 
 accordingly, and she was always glad to welcome him. 
 lie was a good companion, who picked up all the scandal 
 going, and was ever ready for any mischief. We will 
 suppose that, when the hour came for the evening meal, 
 he found and enjoyed a delightful supper. The widow 
 was unusually fresh and attractive. She had stolen off 
 soon after his arrival, leaving him to adjust his six-feet 
 upon the sofa, while she consulted her toilet. She re- 
 turned just as he was emerging from his siesta, looking 
 like Cleopatra, except that her dimensions were not so 
 great, her skin so dark, nor her jewels quite so magni- 
 ficent as those of that famous queen of Egypt. 
 
 " Really, Mrs. Foster, you grow younger and more 
 fascinating every time I see you." 
 
 These gallant words accompanied a graceful taking 
 and squeezing of the fair lady's hand. " There is one 
 thing, however, which I think faulty about you." 
 
 " Faulty !" in consternation. 
 
 " Yes, faulty ! and the fault is in your mind, your 
 feelings, your thoughts, your sentiments." 
 
 " Indeed, Mr. Nettles !" bewildered. 
 
 " Yes, madam ! it consists in your contentment ; in 
 that cold disdain of humanity; in that scornful indiffer- 
 ence to my sex, which makes you willing to sacrifice this 
 youth, this bloom, this beauty — nay, you know I never 
 flatter ! — I say, to sacrifice all these possessions in seclu- 
 sion, without sharing them with that most precious of all 
 heavenly gifts, a husband." 
 
 " Really, Mr. Nettles, you ha\T a most elevated opinion 
 of the value and usefulness of your sex." 
 
 " Not more than the really wise of your sex have been 
 always pleased to entertain. You remember it was the 
 
Tin: tknnkhskkan'b stohy. 247 
 
 foolisli virgins that wcro unprepared at tho coining of 
 the bridegroom." 
 
 44 Yes, sir ! but even were I to allow that, there is still 
 another diiliculty. The bridegroom docs not happen so 
 frequently in a widow's chanees that she can chango 
 her solitary condition when sho pleases ; and, unless 
 there is a prospeet of his coming, what's tho policy of 
 her admitting that she finds her solitude unpleasant?" 
 
 " Mrs. Foster, many a man would woo if the lady 
 would only coo ; but men, you are aware, are naturally 
 modest." 
 
 "Oh, Mr. Nettles!" 
 
 " They are, madam! they are! It is the woman al- 
 ways that is the tempter, and naturally enough. If we 
 put a very high estimate on her value, we are apt to 
 feel that we fall below it, and we approach her rather 
 with a sense of her superior merits and position than of 
 our passion, though it may burn us up all the while. 
 Now, a case happens at this moment to my knowledge, 
 and I must say that you are interested in it." 
 
 "Me, sir!" 
 
 "Yes, Mrs. Foster, you! I know a gentleman who 
 feels for you a most profound passion, but who dares 
 not—" 
 
 "Nay, Mr. Nettles! what have you ever seen about 
 me that should repel or discourage any gentleman?" 
 and the lady smoothed down the folds of her dress, and, 
 smiling sweetly, inclined somewhat to the speaker. 
 
 " The beautiful crocodile !'' thought Nettles to him- 
 self; "she evidently suspects me of being this bashful 
 gentleman. What a harpy !" 
 
 But, though thus thinking, he never suffered his eyes 
 to breathe any but an expression of tender interest and 
 regard. Still, fearing that she might assume too much, 
 as Nettles never deceived himself in the opinion that he 
 was a very personable man and likely to prove quite too 
 attractive for most women, he hurried forward to a full 
 revelation of his object, and of the person in whose be- 
 half he came. He had his own way of doing this. 
 
248 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 "Mrs. Foster," said he, gravely, "you have certainly 
 shown yourself to be the most remarkable of women. I 
 have seen you for six months working busily to procure 
 for another the devotion which was all the while over- 
 flowing for yourself." 
 
 " Really, Mr. Nettles, you speak parables. What 
 are you driving at V 
 
 " Let me explain. You will do me the justice to 
 admit that if anybody knows the people of this county, 
 man, woman, hoyden and hobby-de-hoy, it is myself." 
 
 "Granted, sir!" 
 
 " Some of these have been accustomed to consult me 
 in the most important matters. Among these persons 
 is my friend Jones Barry. You partially took him out 
 of my hands, but you played your hands badly. You 
 perversely tried to persuade him that he was desperately 
 in love with Miss Geraldine — " 
 
 " Don't speak of that young lady in my hearing, I beg 
 you, Mr. Nettles !" 
 
 ''Pardon me, but I can't help it; it's necessary to 
 what I've got to say. But I'll not dwell upon it. Well, 
 as I tell you, at the very time that you were doing your 
 best against nature and yourself, to force this belief into 
 his heart, the poor fellow was devotedly attached to an- 
 other." 
 
 "Indeed! You surprise me, sir." 
 
 "Such was your powerful influence over him, that 
 you could persuade him to anything ; and, yielding to 
 your seeming wishes and opinions, he professed attach- 
 ment to your step-daughter, while his heart was all the 
 time ready to burst with a passion for yourself." 
 
 "For me, sir V Jones Barry fond of me?" 
 
 "To devotion — to distraction ; and how you could be 
 so blind as not to have seen it, passes my imagination. 
 How often has he consulted with me on this very sub- 
 ject ! I low often have I told him, * Come out like a man, 
 and tell her what you feel!' His only answer was : 
 'No! She doesn't think of me. It's evident she thinks 
 only of the marriage of Geraldine. She will never 
 
the tennesseean's story. 249 
 
 marry again. Her heart's in the grave with Foster!' 
 Then he would weep, and say: i I must marry Geraldinc, 
 if it's only to be near to her!'" 
 
 "Poor Jones! and how he concealed it!" 
 "Concealed it? No, madam, it was only from your 
 eyes that he concealed it. It wasn't his art in hiding ; 
 it was your blindness in not seeing. Why, the night of 
 the /r/e, he said to me that, when you fed him with tea 
 from the cup, while he sat in a chair in your little back- 
 room, he thought he should overflow with delight, and 
 the next day, when you mixed him some peach toddy, he 
 Baid, ' coming from your hands, it was the most delicious 
 dram that ever his lips had tasted.' ' 
 "Dear Jones, and he felt all this?" 
 "All this, and was silent!" 
 
 "And I was doing my best to force him upon one 
 who didn't care a straw for him." 
 
 "Suicidally, as I called it; for, as I said to him, you 
 are evidently made for each other." 
 
 "You said that, Mr. Nettles? Ah! you're a sharp- 
 sighted person." 
 
 "Says I, 'Barry! Foster is young and lovable. 
 She's scarcely older than her step-daughter. She's un- 
 selfish. She sees that you are the man to make Geral- 
 dine happy, because she feels that you would make her- 
 self so; and she ought not to be permitted to sacrifice 
 herself. Go to her, tell her the truth, lay your whole 
 heart open to her, and my life on it, she will then dis- 
 cover what, perhaps, she does not yet see, that you 
 have taken a deeper hold on her own heart than she 
 has any idea. At her, like a man ; and, if she be the 
 tender-hearted woman that I think her, she will not 
 reject you.' " 
 
 The widow sighed deeply. "But he did not follow 
 your counsel?" 
 
 "He did not believe me. His fears blinded him. 
 He worshipped you too devotedly. Had he felt a weaker 
 passion, he would have been more bold. But his heart 
 failed him, and he would have suffered himself to bo 
 
250 AS GOOD AS A COMEDY: OR, 
 
 shot ; nay, don't I know that ho went out fully expect- 
 ing to be killed by Hammond's bullet, even hoping it, 
 that he might no longer be kept in such miserable 
 anxiety ?" 
 
 44 Poor, poor fellow!" 
 
 "And now, that he knows my object in coming here, 
 he is on thorns of misery. His horse is already saddled. 
 lie has raised all the ready money he can, and, the mo- 
 ment he gets my report, if it's unfavorable, he'll set oft* 
 to join his fat friend in Tennessee, lie will sell out, and 
 leave Georgia forever. lie even talks of joining the 
 regular army, hoping to be killed in the first engage- 
 ment." 
 
 u But he must never do it." 
 
 " It will depend on you. lie is at my house waiting. 
 I have agreed that, if I am successful, I am to wave a 
 white handkerchief, and if not, a red one, just as I get 
 in the avenue. His mind's in a most awful state, and 
 it's fur you, my dear Mrs. Foster, to determine his 
 fate." 
 
 " Oh ! Mr. Nettles, you see too deeply into the hearts 
 of us poor women to doubt what must be my answer. 
 Poor, dear Barry, I always was fond of him. But 1 
 never thought he had any feeling for me, and so I tried 
 only to get for him that disobedient girl." 
 44 What blindness ! And so?" 
 
 44 Oh ! you do with me what you please, Mr. Nettles. 
 It's a wonder you never married yourself. You're 
 single only because you never wished to be otherwise." 
 44 Ah ! you flatter me, Foster ! But I must resign 
 my hopes and wishes to others. I live for my friends 
 only. But, in giving them up, I have my consolation ; 
 and when carrying off the heart of a lady to another, I 
 am privileged, as a matter of course, to take her kisses 
 for myself." 
 
 The widow did not struggle seriously against the 
 spoliation which followed this pretty speech. 
 " Barry will be the happiest man alive." 
 " But have vou a white handkerchief with vou ? I 
 
THE TENNESSEEAN'S STORY. 251 
 
 sec that you use a red one," demanded the provident 
 widow. 
 
 " Indeed I hnve not !" said Nettles, feeling in his 
 pockets, and looking disquieted. 
 
 44 Take mine, dear Mr. Nettles. Poor Barry, ho 
 must not be suffered to throw himself away I" 
 
 How Nettles chuckled as he left the " Lodge !" In 
 less than a month, the widow became Mrs. Barry. "We 
 have no reason to suppose that her husband repented 
 the proceeding, and we know that Nettles did not. IIo 
 usually took his Sunday dinner at the " Lodge," and 
 was master of ceremonies on all occasions. He himself 
 never married. Why should he, when he could so easily 
 persuade his friends to do so ? Miles Henderson, in 
 the course of the year, was caught by Henrietta Bailey, 
 one of the girls of whom Mrs. Hammond thought so 
 much ; and he lived sufficiently happy with her to feel 
 no repinings at the sweet and singular affection which 
 existed between Hammond and his wife. lie, it is true, 
 remained the master, but she exercised, though she did 
 not assert, all the authority of the mistress. There 
 has been no duel at " Pistol Quarter" since the famous 
 affair that terminated the tragic part of our comedy. 
 
 THE END. 
 
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