' L~ \Dtri BV 4278 .M36 1895 Ki.ve Sermons UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA. SAN DIEGO 3 1822 02399 4973 MARRIAGE flfe. :l/i-\V.U< • tor sinners also lore tii-p-.- who 1<>v.- them and If ye do _- 1 to them which do good i<> >«>u what thank hare ye! fur sinners also <1" even the same." — I.i kk vt B.S8; Matt v. 16. Marriage, in all its varied relationships, presents the most isive field for thought that could be pla before us. A topic more broad, or capable <>f being viewed in more aspects, i- inconceivable, h is al once national in its proportions, as the interests of the nation depend much upon its < harai ter, and it is, al the same time, the most personal of any relation in life. It forms an important department of study and of pro- rl duty in every one ol the learned professions. I he physii ian, the lawyer, and the i lergyman, each in his own department, finds that the relations pi mar- are thi • momentous field - for i he ex< r< i his thought and his service it extends in its sym- pathies from the most external and material relations of life to the interior regions ol the soul, it involves, m the questions it brings before our minds, the pro- 6 . FIVE SERMONS OX MARRIAGE. foundest study of the philosopher and the commonplace problems of our everyday life. It is at once the most refined, delicate, and exquisite of all relations in heaven and on earth, and also the most sensuous. Rich and poor, and the distinguished and the obscure are each equally concerned in it. Body and soul, the external and the internal, yea, the whole man in all his varied and complicated relations, in every department of his being is involved in the subject of marriage. It is a wonderful additional fact, that the Lord has chosen in the Word this relationship to represent the relationship between Him and the Church, or between Him and us. The vast significance of this fact in de- fining the character of marriage, is but little appreci- ated among us. Our general subject, therefore, involves not only all mankind in their varied inter-relations, but includes the Lord as well, and the ties that unite Him to His people. The doctrines of the New Church give us an elabo- rate, complete, rational, and satisfactory presentation of this momentous subject in all its varied bearings. They teach us its nature externally and internally, naturally and spiritually, among men, and between men and the Lord. They present the principles which should char- acterize it as a practical institution among those now on the earth, and also reveal to us its lofty spiritual aspects among the angels of heaven. FIVE SERMONS OX MARRIAGE. 7 In a subject so extensive, it is necessary at the very start that we should define accurately what phase of it we purpose to consider. On the present occasion I ask you to consider some of the practical and ordi- nary features of this relation. I do not purpose to enter into any of the intricacies of the analysis of mental or spiritual affinities involved in the interior pects of marriage, but rather I ask you to consider with me the simple, practical problems of marriage as they come before us each day of our lives. 1 wish to present some of the doctrines of the New Church in their most direct bearings upon our immediate con- duct. In treating of the "Popular Misconceptions Con- cerning the Nature of Marriage," I have not sought a passage from the Word, if indeed it were possible to find one, which should specifically describe what 1 mean by "popular misconceptions." But 1 have chosen a pas- ge whi< h, in its spiritual import, describes the essen- tial principle from which these misapprehensions spring. "If ye love them which love you," we read, which means spiritually, [f ye enter into any relation in life for the selfish rewards which it brings von, "what thank have ye ?" that is, What possible spirit- ual result can yon obtain from such a course? And this question is not really a question, hut is a form ol the most positive affirmation that no good result i 8 FIVE SERMONS ON MARRIAGE. follow; " for sinners love also those who love them," which means that from evil impulses and selfish in- stincts we can pursue such a course; "and if ye do good to them which do good to you, what thank have ye ? for sinners also do even the same," teaches the same doctrine, namely, that any relation of life, how- ever good and beautiful it may appear on the outside, if it be sought for its selfish results, possesses no spirit- ual value, for even those who are impelled by the influ- ence of hell, will for such results enter it. The essence of the popular misconceptions concern- ing the nature of marriage, is in the idea that it is a relation of mutual, selfish services, and that from thence is derived its satisfaction and its desirable- ness. You love me and 1 will love you; you serve me and I will serve you; you praise me and 1 will praise you; you be wholly devoted to me and I will be en- tirely devoted to you; you give yourself up to mak- ing me happy and 1 will make it the object of my life to serve your comfort. These utterances represent what is popularly considered the mutuality of mar- riage, being in fact only what is spiritually represented in the passage before us. " If ye love them which love you," that is, because they love you, " what thank have ye ?" that is, there is no spiritual value to such a course. The New Church teaches us that no true marriage FIVE SERMONS ON MARRIAGE. 9 can exist except among* those who love the Lord and are being prepared for heaven. Marriage in order to be heavenly must be essentially unselfish. Not un- selfish in the merely external form of serving another who is to serve you in return; but unselfish in the essence of its aims and purposes. What that unselfish- ness is, 1 purpose to consider in our next discourse. At present I will attempt to show some -of the ways in which marriage is popularly regarded, that make it to consist of mutual selfish inter-relations such as are condemned in the passage before us. In what way, we may ask, is this subject popularly considered that shows that in this respect it is misapprehended and regarded simply as a relation of mutual selfish service ? i. The first misapprehension concerning the nature of marriage is evinced by the nearly universal idea that personal happiness is the supreme end for which this relation should be entered into. The most com- mon expression of good-will which we extend to our newly-married friends, is that they may be happy. The ideal marriage in popular i steem seems to be one in which there shall be no conflu t in the wills of the partners, and a smoothly running life Of mutual per- sonal services which shall result in a common content- ment, satisfaction, personal happiness, and enjoyment in this relation. Is tins a happy marriage, we ask. in reference to any instance in which we are concerned. 10 FIVE SERMONS ON MARRIAGE. The ideal wife seems to be the one who shall most suc- ceed in making her husband enjoy himself at home, and the model husband in popular esteem is he who by his thoughtful attentions and considerate service shall most successfully minister to the tastes and dispositions of the wife. Thus, in a word, the very central idea of marriage as popularly regarded is simply happiness — personal, selfish happiness. Let no one understand me as implying that married partners should not be happy in this most important of relations. Marriage should rightly be the happiest re- lation on earth, as it is the most blessed relation in heaven. But that happiness should be an incident arid not the direct selfish aim of marriage. We should be happy of course in all relationships — the merchant should be happy in his counting room, the lawyer in his office and the mechanic at his bench — and yet, when we hear of the establishment of a new law firm, we do not ask whether they are happy in their new en- terprise, but we inquire after their success. We ask concerning the extent of their business and the ability they exhibit in its management. We inquire in refer- ence to the merchant, concerning the extent of his cus- tom, the satisfaction he is giving his patrons, and the success of his business management. Even in the rela- tion of parent and child, the main question before us is not whether they are happy in each other's society — FIVE SEKMONS ON MARRIAGE. 11 whether the parent likes to have the child with him and the child enjoys being with his father and mother. But we ask concerning the methods the parent is pur- suing in rearing his child, whether he is giving him a proper education, whether he is teaching him self-con- trol, and is wisely preparing him for the coming duties of life. In a word, every relation in life has its mis- sion in the world. It has some use which it has been appointed to accomplish. The doing of that use, the attainment of that heavenly end for which the relation or the duty has been appointed, determines its true success. Marriage is no exception to this law. It has an object to attain on earth. It has a great mission to perform in the world. The end of marriage vastly transcends in importance that of any other human rela- tion. The present personal comfort and happiness "t those that enter into it, are among the least of its pur- poses. I heir happiness is only an incident to the vastly greater aims that lie before it. 1 1 < >w great, then, is this mist onception which places personal hap- iS before us as the criterion, the great end for which the laird has established this divine relation on earth! it is a sad, a mosl deplorable mistake, li makes marriage a mere selfish cm hange of so much . thoughtfulness, and attention for an equivalent m devotion, faithful servii <■. and affe< tion. 12 FIVE SERMOXS OX MARRIAGE. So far is personal happiness from being the ideal aim of marriage, or of any other relation in life, that it is not impossible for a relation of this kind to be very happy and satisfactory with the parties, when, if tested by any true conception of the nature of mar- riage, it is an utter failure. A lazy scholar in school may be very happy and contented in an institution where he is not compelled to study, but is allowed to give himself up to his indolent tendencies. Vet his happiness would be no evidence of the excellency of the school. So it is very possible for married partners in a smoothly running career of devotion to each other's selfish gratifications, to be very contented and happy when their marriage is spiritually a failure. A soldier might be happy remaining in camp, when he ought to be at his post in the field. His happiness does not prove him a good soldier; nor does the con- tentment of an easy-going housewife show that she is efficient in the performance of her duties. In like manner in marriage, happiness is by no means a sure evidence that it is true and right. A selfish couple of similar tastes and dispositions, especially if they have wealth at their command, may very contentedly conse- crate themselves to the gratification of their mutual refinements in taste and culture, yet be living in a marriage that is spiritually a disastrous failure. Mar- riage is no more truly good because it is happy, than a FIVE SERMONS OX MARRIAGE. 13 lawyer is truly good in his profession because he is happy; or a physician is true and good in his profes- sion because he is happy. That I may not be misunderstood, I will remind you that I am now speaking of a merely personal satisfac- tion and happiness regarded separately from its quality and its source. Happiness pure, deep, and beautiful, though unsought, shall in the end surely belong to all true marriages. 2. Another misconception concerning marriage may be found in the prevalent ideas about what constitutes a true devotion in this relation. The devoted wife is often presented before us as a being who rivals a faith- ful servant in the care and attention she gives to her husband's every personal want, and often to his every personal whim. The devoted husband is often pic- tured as a man who is most thoughtfully considerate of every matter of. taste and notion of his wife. Bach ins to be regarded as most devoted when hi' most successfully ministers to the other's personal or self- ish desires. Hut such devotion may be supremely the attainment of any truly spiritual marriage. In what 1 have said concerning tins false devotion, 1 wish it to be very distinctly understood t Ii.it 1 have nothing to say against a most devoted thoughtfulneSS and attention in a myriad oi mutual services in married life \or would 1 advocate making married lit' •> i,; FIVE SERMONS ON MARRIAGE. school for mutual criticism and guidance. Bui: I wish most earnestly to present this great truth, that any devotion however delightful between husband and wife that makes their life a selfish life, is false and should be heartily condemned by us all. 3. A third misapprehension concerning marriage, which exists especially among the young, springs from the unhealthy sentiment in which the whole subject is popularly involved. From our earliest childhood, in the methods in which the subject is represented in absurd romances and in extravagant love-songs, an insane sentiment is cultivated. It is a very popular conception of the love which should lead to marriage, that it should be a sort of an impulsive, blind, unnat- tural, and uncontrollable passion, whose integrity is impugned by the supposition that it is capable of rea- soning. The marriage relation is the very central, common, and orderly one of society. There should be the same common-sense thought about it that we enter- tain concerning any other relation in life. We should not be moved by essentially different feelings when thinking of it, or discussing it, than we are moved by when we are considering any other relation of life, as: when we are discussing concerning parents and chil- dren, brothers and sisters, or even business partners. 1 say essentially different; of course there is a differ- ence as each relation is peculiar to itself, and that of FIVE SERMONS OX MARRIAGE. 17 marriage is the most important and the most interior of all. But not less than the others does it need wisdom, judgment, thought, common sense. Love is not made pure by being impulsive, it is not made truly greater for being made self assertive and uncompromising in its demands. It is not to be regarded as any more wonderful and grand by being incapable of calm thought, of wise judgment, of consistent self-control. So far from this, love that is insanely self-assertive, that demands the gratification of its own natural im- pulses irrespective of their reasonableness, should be looked upon with suspicion. Edwin Arnold makes his noble Saddartha with an interior wisdom say: "Love for the selfish sweets of love is false;" ami no love for another is true ami heavenly which .simply insists upon its own -ratification, even when that gratification appears to i onsistin externally serving that other. What a misconception, then, we have hi 0i that true love which should culminate in marriage. lor popularly it seems to be understood that blind, seifish, unbalanced, uncalculating, and uncontrollable passion is true love. It is a sad mistake, and has led to many a disastrous marriage. The whole subjeel "I marriage should be talkrd about, thought about, care- fully studied, and understood, and should stand in clear, definite, and healthy form before the mind ol every one, especially if any one is in a state \,< ent( I 18 FIVE SERMONS ON MARRIAGE. such relationship. All sickly and unbalanced senti- ments on this subject, and all stilted and inflated no- tions concerning the nature of a true love, which repre- sent it as being the supreinest selfish devotion, leading to mutual idolatry, are dangerous elements in any one's character, that may lead to spiritual disaster. No wonder the idea prevails that love after marriage grows cold and indifferent. Such an infatuated love as these sentiments and notions encourage, ought to be exter- minated before marriage. Instead of any of these things being a correct presentation of genuine love, no love is true which loses its head. And even when it is true, the lover's love should be regarded as only the beginning, the mere child, which shall grow and develop until it attain unto true strength and maturity of love after marriage. I have alluded to only three of the many miscon- ceptions that popularly prevail concerning marriage. They are mistaken ideas we entertain about personal happiness as the end to be sought, a selfish devotion as the fidelity to be attained, and the unbalanced sen- timent as the love that should lead to it. There are many other forms of misconception that might be alluded to, but these three in some way include them all; for every one refers itself back to this selfish prin- ciple of mutuality which is condemned in the words FIVE SERMOXS OX MARRIAGE. 1«J of the Lord before us: " If ye love them which love you, what thank have ye ? for sinners also love those who love them. And if ye do good to them which do good to you, what thank have ye ? for sinners also do even the same." 20 FIVE SEKMOXS ON MARRIAGE. II. THE TRUE MARRIAGE. " And they twain shall be one flesh. Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."— Matt. xix. 5, 6 ; Maiik x. 8, 9 ; Gen. ii. 24. This passage from the Word of the Lord presents to us, when understood in its spiritual import, a pic- lure of a true, heavenly marriage. When the married partners are truly, really, internally, and fully "one flesh," then there is a true marriage in the highest and purest sense of that word. What is meant, then, by this being " one flesh," which constitutes the heavenly state we are seeking to understand ? There are a multitude of respecis in which there may be oneness between human beings. A similarity of tastes often forms a bond of intimate association. Common opinions and ideas will link us with our neigh- bors. Like ambitions and aims in our life in the world will unite us in fraternal association with others. Simi- larity of education and culture forms still another basis of intimate friendship. We may even form ties of as- sociation with others from a likeness in our love of FIVE SERMONS OX MARRIAGE. 21 comfort and of ease. Indeed, self-love seeks friends, and strengthens the bonds of intercourse with loved ones. We may also be one with another in nobler pur- poses of life. We may form friendship with another from the mutual interior sympathies of a common struggle after something better, truer, and higher than anything we have yet attained; and even the inner aspirations of our spirits, the consecration we some- times seek whereby we may attain unto a Divine life, may be the bonds that unite us in a oneness to another. Every quality of mind or of heart, of thought, of affec- tion, of sympathy, taste, desire, of sorrow or joy, of passion or even of Divine love, may be the basis of a oneness with another who may be moved by a similar influence. What, then, we may ask, is that union which should be sought in marriage, which shall constitute the one- ness of flesh which the Lord here says shall belong to a true marriage P There can he but one answer to this question. The oneness of true marriage must be the union of the higher and purer aspirations of the man and the wo* man, ami the exclusion from mutual sympathy of what is selfish ami base. Married partners should be "one flesh" in their struggles to put away self ami tin- world. They should be Mm- in their mutual efforts to attain .1 higher ami a better life. They should be united as 22 FIVE SERMONS OX MARK I ACE. one man in their purpose and their endeavor to keep the Divine Commandments. In a word, the higher nature of the husband should be united to what is highest and purest in his wife, and what is noblest in her should be united -to what is unselfish in him, so that the better portions of the nature of each shall be- come "one flesh," shall be as one united man to guide, control, and subdue the selfishness, the conceits, and the vanities of both. There is a possible angel and a possible demon in every human being, and the true marriage is always the marriage of the angels. There are in the breast of every one, as it were, two men, each struggling for the same mastery in the experiences of life. The one is the love of the Lord and the neigh- bor, and the other is the love of self and the world. True marriage is the union of what is heavenly in man with what is heavenly in woman. True marriage is defined, then, as the union of what is best in the man and the woman, that they may be "one flesh" for their mutual regeneration. This definition of a true marriage will enable us to see clearly that fundamental principle of the New- Church doctrines on the subject, which teaches us that only those who are being regenerated can be truly married. This blessed union from its very nature as placed before us in these words, spiritually apprehended, cannot exist except among those who are at least striv- FIVE SERMOXS OX MARRIAGE. 23 ing after a true and noble life. And we may see at once also the truth of the position, emphasized in our last discourse, that mutual selfishness is utterly foreign to the nature of this sacred relation. To the extent that husband and wife are united in cultivating in each other the pleasures of selfish satisfactions, the marriage is false, however delightful it may be to their sensuous affections. But to the extent that any marriage is a union of what is spiritual in the one to what is spiritual in the other, to that extent their marriage is a true one, even though their self-love is restrained and con- trolled, and though to their love of self-gratification their marriage may at times seem a restraint and a burden. But that we may apprehend this general principle more clearly, let us consider some of its practical bear- ings. What laws in actual life will it be necessar) for us to understand, that we may realize fully tin- meaning of the great general truth taught by this passage from the Word ? i. It will be ne< essary for us always to regard mar- riage as an institution t>> be valued and t" be entered into for the sake of usefulness. The blessings thai are to he a< i omplished in the world and in the purifii ation of chara< ter by marriage, should be the things we think of and the things we value when the subjei t is brought before us. Lei us therefore consider more specifically 2i FIVE SERMONS o\ MARRIAGE. what these uses are, that we may understand practically and clearly what the true marriage is. Foremost among the great uses which pertain to marriage, as recognized in the New-Church, is the bearing and rearing of children who may become good men and women in this world and angels in the world to come. Marriage, the New-Church doctrines teach us, is the seminary of heaven; and the creation of a home, not for the mere purpose of the comfort and en- joyment of the husband and wife, but as a centre from whence may come those who are to accomplish the great future achievements in the world's history, is perhaps the greatest use it can be permitted us to per- form on earth. In alluding to this use, it must be re- membered that it does not consist merely in the bearing of children, but in the patience, the wisdom, the for- bearance, the love, and the earnest labor of rearing them for heaven. This momentous use of the marriage relation must in a true marriage be regarded unself- ishly, as a use to be performed for the heavenly results that How from it. In broaching this phase of the true marriage, I have touched upon an immense subject, but, as it has been my purpose in delivering these dis- courses to treat rather of the mutual inter-relations of husband and wife, than of any other department of marriage, I will not further dwell upon this greatest of its us< ■-. FIVE SERMONS ON MARRIAGE. 25 In a true marriage, then, usefulness — true, unselfish usefulness, in all the relations of life, is to be the first thought. And the great use of marriage, other than that 1 have just mentioned, is that husband and wife should encourage each other's spirits, and strengthen each other's hearts, in all that is true and noble. It should be the aim of the wife to do everything she can to uphold her husband in being faithful in the discharge of his professional obligations. She is to give him hope in despondency, and cheer in gloom, and, above all, she is to discourage anything that is not supremely right in whatever he undertakes. The husband has correspond- ing duties in relation to the wife, helping her in her efforts to be a true, a noble woman. A true marriag< should contemplate supremely this mutually sustaining each other in all that is good and true, and mutually discouraging each other in all that is evil and false. It is to be a partnership, then, not for selfish ministra- tions, but for the em ouragement of what is unselfish and beautiful in each other. The influence of the wile upon the husband should be such that, when in his place of business he is tempted to take an unfair ad- vantage over another, he will bi .'.tinned to resisl the temptation more earnestly when he thinks of her. A wife should bi fhienced by her husband thai in all the trials, cares, disciplines, and annoyances thai ■ mm- upon her in her perplexing and complicated 26 FIVE SERMONS ON MARRIAGE. duties, she may be strengthened in self-control, and be enabled to see above and beyond them all the heavenly things of life, when she thinks of him. Thus may each help the other in being true. Under this idea of mutual spiritual service is that help which each may render the other in his efforts with himself, in the struggles of his regenerate experi- ence. This is the highest spiritual use of marriage. As each is endeavoring to overcome what is evil in himself, the influence of the other should be exerted so as to enable him to succeed in that great effort. As each is striving to be moved by higher motives and by purer purposes, so should the other cooperate with that aim of his partner's life. In a true marriage the husband aims to help the wife to shun her evils as sins, and the wife strengthens the hands of her husband in shunning his evils as sins. Thus are the two united, that together they may more successfully accomplish the. purposes of their regeneration. In speaking of these great mutual uses, I am very desirous of not being misunderstood. It is not the re- lation in any respect of a superior to an inferior. It is not that the wife is a pure, good angel, and her hus- band an abandoned wretch whom she is to recover. It is not that he is like a missionary, undertaking the great labor of making his wife over again, but it is that mutual support which each gives the other in what the FIVE SERMONS OX MARRIAGE. 27 other is himself trying to seek. It is that mutual help which the husband can give the wife and the wife the husband, in upholding each other in all that is true and noble in life. 2. From this conception of the true marriage we may form some idea of the nature of the love which shall prevail between such partners. It is not a mere love of one for the other for what he is, but it is a love for the other for what he may become. Even the most loving wife ought not to love what is disagreeable in her husband. Even the most devoted husband is not thereby bound to regard his wife's foibles as virtues. The one should not simply love the person of the other, without reference to his weaknesses and imperfections, but it is a mutual love of common heavenly principles and purposes, a mutual recognition of the chara< ti c ol the other in its d< sire to attain them, and mutual ser- vices in the effort to realize them in life. Jn a true marriage the husband and wife, ea< h seeing the possible nobility of character in the other, loves that and with all fidelity of effort serves tl'.it. Each loves the other's purposes and aim-; each sympathizes with the other's efforts to put away his weal i ami Ins faults; and each seeks to give tin- other courage to make every effort to realize in a' tual life his highest aims. From these definitions of what constitutes a true marriage, and ol what 'he love of such a marriage in 28 FIVE SERMONS ON MARRIAGE. we may understand the nature of the devotion in true marriage. The devotion is a most earnest effort to serve the purposes which the marriage contemplates. It is an untiring service in all the deeds of life, that shall aid these heavenly ends. Such devotion will manifest itself in all kinds of thoughtful services, but services that shall have constant reference to the higher ends to be accomplished in them, rather than to the mere personal satisfaction of him who receives or gives them. Here, again, that 1 may not be misunder- stood, it must be remembered that this devotion is not patronizing and assuming a superior tone as an elder to a younger, but is governed by an instinctive percep- tion, a delicate, spontaneous recognition of what kind of services shall best promote the grand aim of their mutual life. And this devotion of true marriage possesses within it a phase of service most wonderful in its delicacy and refinement. It is that devotion which leads each of the married partners to do better, to be more faith- ful in his own individual life, for the sake of the fidelity thereby strengthened in the other, for the sake of the common spiritual integrity in their married life. This devotion leads one to be brave, not simply because bravery is itself lovely and desirable, but because he is thereby strengthening the bravery of the loved one. This devotion leads those who are in married life to be FIVE SERMONS OX MARRIAGE. 29 noble and true, not only for the sake of these beautiful virtues, but that they may serve the ideal of nobility and truth which is cherished between them, and which it is their united purpose and effort to attain. This is the devotion which enables one to be patient for the sake of the other, to be strong for the sake of their mutual strength, to be wise and prudent and loving that the wisdom and prudence and love which it is their united effort to attain may thereby be realized. Thus the devotion in a true marriage is one that in- volves their service of each other and their government of self, whereby the exalted aims in the character of each, which a true marriage ever contemplates, may In- attained. If we compare this devotion with any that is possible between those- who are selfishly married, we shall find it to excel that in every respect. In height and depth, in breath and grandeur, there can be no comparison; for how can the petty, personal services which a selfish love renders, that it may receive as much again, be compared with tins pure consecration to the realization of what is true and noble in life! but even in the de- tails of its manifestations such devotion will rival an) that is selfish, l'"f however great ami however spirit- ual the love "t married partners may be, it i .in express itself in most thoughtful little attentions and allei Imn- personal servi< es, not being excelled even in them 80 FIVE SERMONS ON MARRIAGE. by any degree of devoted selfishness. But into these little manifestations it brings its own exalted purposes, and casts about these trifling acts the halo of its own spiritual purity. 4. I have spoken of the true marriage thus far as though it were characterized merely by the spiritual principles 1 have enumerated. But marriage might be loved for its usefulness, the husband and the wife might love to serve each other's highest spiritual wel- fare, and might even be unselfishly devoted to its attainment, and yet not be able to realize on earth the true marriage, on account of the lack of a mutual adaptability to accomplish these high purposes for each other's character, and for their mutual usefulness in the world. There is a mutuality in a true marriage, a com- plemental relation between husband and wife, whereby one recognizes in the other at once a want to which he can administer, and a supply which he needs. A wife should behold in a husband a strength to which she would cling, and a weakness which she can make strong. A husband should see in his wife at once a person to whom he would extend a strong arm for her assistance, and also one to whom he can look for a renewal of his courage, for whose service he is suffering. A true marriage is supremely equal. It is not the relation of a parent and a child, but of the two rounded halves of one whole man. Let no wife regard her husband as FIVE SERMONS OX MARRIAGE. 31 her superior being. If he is, he cannot be her husband. Let no husband regard his wife as an angel from heaven. If she is, what right has he to marry her ? A true marriage must take place between those who are in similar states as to spiritual purpose and life, who are similar in the scope of their intelligence and love, who are in mutual perception of each other's pur- poses and efforts, and who are, as nearly as possible, simply the male and the female forms of the same char- acter. Do not imagine that in a true marriage this similarity of character will be a source of a lack of in- terest from a lack of variety. If she be the woman of that character and he the- man, they will have just the similarity and variety necessary for the greatest mutual happiness and success. This relation of characters .is an essential condition of a true marriage, is that which nes about in the op< ration of the Divine Providence. It cannot be arranged f"r between those whose natures have not already lilted them tor it. Thus must we have the material from \vhi< h true marriages mav come, before they < an be brought about. Such i> the ideal of marriage as presented in the doc- trines of the New Chun h. li is high, it is noble, il is heavenly, it is Divine. It demands an unselfishm which shall be spiritual and pure, li necessitates a love only for what is noble ;,n(l true. Il requires a de- votion by which they who are in true marriage shall 82 FIVE SERMONS ON MARRIAGE. assist each other in their journey to heaven and to the Lord, and it must come from a mutual relation of char- acters that shall enable them to join their lives in a mutual equality. What we should do for the attainment of such marriages, I shall consider in our next dis- course; but cannot we today realize that in such an unselfish love and devotion, as are here presented, those who are adapted to it may become "one flesh," and the Lord's words may be spiritually applied to them, "wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder." FIVE SERMOXS OX MARRIAGE. 33 III. WHAT CAN BE DONE TO REALIZE TRUE MARRIAGES ON EARTH. "An these words, which I command thee this day. shall be In thine heart. And thou -halt teach them diligently to thy children, and Shalt talk of them when thou sittesl in thine house, and when thou walkesl by the way. and when thou liost down, and when thou rises) up. And thou shall hind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall he as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shall write them upon the posts of thine house, and ■ ■II thy gates," Dei i . \ i. 6 9. What a true marriage is was the subject of our last discourse. Today we are to consider what can In- done to realize such marriages on earth. We have before us the practical question of the whole subject. All that we have said is of no avail, unless something be done whereby the great truths we have been con- sidering may be carried out in life. What shall we do about it, is the great question which should come home to every heart. To recognize the popular misconcep- tions on this subject as a mere matter of ( mi. al i om- ment on the staos of the world at the present time is nothing, unless an effort be put forth to i orre< I th< misconceptions, lo receive into our intelligence the lofty ideal of marriage which is presented in our doc- ;.l FIVE si: KM >.YS O.Y MARRIAGE. trines is nothing, if we simply holtl it in our mind as a Utopian theory, an impracticable idea to be talked about, and to be entertained as a pretty, poetic con- ception having no bearings upon the daily conduct of our lives. The whole subject is most intensely practi- cal. It is not only of immense moment, affecting the welfare and happiness of all humanity, and of every individual, but it comes to every one and tells him there is something which he can do in his personal efforts to help forward the realization in the world of such true ideas. The passage we have taken for our text in a marvel- lous way suggests what is to be done for the realization of this great blessing in the world. We are to take "these things to our hearts," to "teach them diligently to our children," to have them ever with us at home and abroad, and to observe them in every walk of life. For this constant recognition of them is what is meant by the words, "Thou shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walked by the way, and when thou liest clown, and when thou risest up." The question then is simply, How should the law of a true marriage affect the various phases of our life's experience? In what way can we introduce it into all that we do ? The duty of every one will vary according to his own personal relation to marriage. To the unmarried there FIVE SERMONS ON MARRIAGE. 35 is one duty, and to those who have entered into this relation there is another, to each according to the cir- cumstances in which he finds himself. Let us first consider, then, what those who have not yet entered into this relation can do to realize such marriages on earth; and then we will consider what belongs to us all to do to further this great object. i. The first great duty of those to whom marriage is yet to come, is to attain a clear, distinct, and posi- tive conviction on the subject. They should look it in the face. They must have a clearly-cut ideal before them. It is astonishing how loose and vague are the conceptions of this most transcendent of all subjects, which prevail among those whose whole future useful- ness and happiness in the world, and perhaps in eter- nity, shall turn upon the nature of that union. That you should marry for the sake of happiness, or for the selfish satisfactions that « ome from it, or for eligibility, or even tor love alone-— that love which is a mere self- ish cm hange — are common ideas that must lie laid aside by those who would attain true marriage. Those who think of marriage as , ( future blessing should think of it as opening for them a wider field of usefulness, as at one e bringing with it t< r obligations, more press- ing duties, ami more extended opportunities f"i unself- ishness and devotion. The unmarried should think of mam, i i relation requiring greater patience, more 36 FIVE SERMONS ON MARRIAGE. long-continued forbearance, and a more active indus- try; and as bringing with it, also, a broader field for the culture of spiritual blessedness. In seeking to cherish a high ideal, such persons should cherish a high ideal of marriage, rather than an ideal of the tran- scendent nature of the person whom they hope to ob- tain. It is not a high ideal of marriage to demand a paragon of perfection as the object of your union. The exaltation of the ideal is that the relation shall be un- selfish, and that he whom you marry shall be moved by spiritual purposes like your own, and that you may both be actuated by a common motive which will give mutual support in all that is right and true, and a mutual discouragement to all that is evil and false. The ideal of marriage which each entertains, should have in it the idea of mutual equality, mutual service, mutual adaptability and mutual unselfishness. Thus in a word — and this is a point in which those who imagine they are cherishing a high ideal are apt to fail — we should all hold a lofty conception of the unself- ishness, the devotion, and the heavenly ends to be accomplished in marriage, and not regard our doctrine of marriage as high because we demand an impossible piece of perfection as the object of our choice. 2. In the second place, I say to all such persons: Having obtained a high idea of marriage, be true to it. All the lofty conceptions in the world will be of no use FIVE SERMONS OX MARRIAGE. 37 unless we obey them in life. It were far better for the world that only one-half of the marriages should take place and that they should be true, than that every one should be married but that the majority of such unions should be selfish or ill-mated. A true marriage is a centre of perennial blessedness to humanity, a source of purity, of honor, of virtue, and of spirituality. But a false marriage is surrounded by temptations and dan- gers, and may be the source of unnumbered evils, ¥>e true, then, to your ideal of marriage, preferring to live an unmarried life of fidelity to your highest convic- tions, than to compromise yourself by entering into any questionable relationship of this kind. But we prove true to our ideal of marriage, not sim- ply by refusing to enter into one which docs not equal it, but by a positive life of self-control and of useful- ness which shall best prepare us for it, and which shall nder us most worthy Of it. A young woman should prove faithful to her conceptions ol a true marriage, not only by declining what would not realize it. but by now leading a life of unselfishness, devotion, industry, and a i ration to the high spiritual purposes of life which are to be subserved in the true marriage. \ young man should prove true to his ideal ol marriage by so living .is to make himself worthy ol it. In h mtrol, in his personal purity, in the inn- resp< which he should ( herish for woman, in his honorable 38 FIVE SERMONS OX MARRIAGE. treatment of all women, and by cherishing the ideal of a true marriage relation in distinction from any com- promise, a young man should hold himself ready. In- deed this is the way to seek it; for personal worthiness is a far more sure guarantee of a true marriage than personal industry in trying to bring it about. Thus, in a simple sentence, we may say that for the realiza- tion of the true marriages on earth, the marriageable are to seek a true ideal, and then prove faithful to it. And we may be assured that he who thus lives, though he may not attain the married state in this life, shall by such a life of integrity to his ideal in the world, contribute to the realization of true marriages even on earth. You cannot help the cause of true marriage by entering into one that is not true; but every man or woman who does not allow himself to enter into this relation unless it be a true one, remaining faithful to his ideal in his daily life among men, whether he marry or not, shall become a centre of useful influence for encouraging and preserving true marriages on earth. But more than this. In their own regeneration such persons shall by such a life attain a greater height of spiritual purity than would be possible under any mar- riage that is a compromise. Let no man or woman imagine that his influence in the world in behalf of a heavenly marriage will be strengthened, or that his own regeneration will be furthered, by entering into FIVE SERMONS ON MARRIAGE. 39 one that is not true. Both of these heavenly purposes will be better preserved and furthered if such persons remain unmarried, but cherish in their lives the purity, the devotion, and the unselfishness of their ideal, and above all, shall keep faithful to the true life of mar- riage, in all that they do. It is not merely the being outwardly married that contributes to the heavenly ends of marriage, but it is carrying out the purposes of such a relation in one's life in the world. And this may be done by those who are not married ; not so successfully, perhaps, as if they were truly married, but vastly more successfully than if they were merely married. The external fact of marriage, even where the parties in it are outwardly contented and satisfied, by no means necessarily opens its spiritual beauties or uses. | he unmarried, if they prove true to a lofty ideal of this union, will spiritually attain a more heav- enly fulness of experiem e than they who have selfishly or falsely entered into tins relation. I low foolish, then, m those who are married, to imagine, perhaps even with vanity, that they have necessarily entered more fully into the spiritual experiences of hie. because out- wardly they are in mania] i 3. Mm it i> not with the marriageable alone that the duty of seeking to have sm ii marriagt - realized remains. Every one (an do something, and with 1 ery one there Ins an obligation of accomplish!) 40 FIVE SERMONS ON MARRIAGE. what he can for the attainment of so desirable an end. With parents there lies the responsibility of instilling right ideas into the minds of their children. With teachers, and with all persons who are in a position to exercise an influence over the young, there is this same serious duty; and in all the varied relations of our lives, by the words we use when referring to the sub- ject, by the positions we assume, by the ideas we main- tain, and even by the respect we show for marriage, may we foster a proper public sentiment on the sub- ject. Of these provinces of usefulness, what more promising field of effort could we have than that of education; and what department of possible usefulness is more utterly neglected! Consider how we begin. Even in many of the little games of childhood there is an uninnocent reference to marriage, or to the relation of the sexes, which must be a poor preparation for a proper comprehension of this subject in after years, and for a genuine respect for it. In the total lack of instruction in which we permit our children to grow up, receiving their only education on some of the most important subjects of life from ignorant and foolish if not vicious companions, and in not correcting their consequent false notions, by which they are led blindly into this most momentous relation of life, we do what we can to further false marriages in the world. We pay more attention to the surface culture and manners of FIVE SERMOXS OX MARRIAGE. 41 our children than we do to their proper comprehension of marriage. This is tithing the "mint and anise and cummin" of life, but "omitting the weightier matters of the law, judgment, mercy, and faith." These ought we to do, and not to leave the other undone. Children should be reared from their earliest infancy into a proper idea of the relations of sex. We should cultivate their lives from the very first in a way to give them intelli- gence, wisdom, judgment, self-control, and a high and true ideal of marriage. We should carefully instruct the young in right thoughts and right lives. Keep them as far as possible from improper conversation with their mates. Teach the girls and boys how to judge correetly of each other's characters, and what to admire and what condemn. Encourage young peo- ple to make you their confidant, and give them the biin lit of your very highest wisdom. for in most earnest instruction and guidance, may we be prepar- ing them for true future marriages which shall bring .en to earth. but, m general, in our ordinary associations with h other, we do not treat tin- subj< cl ol marrii with true dignity and respei t. It set tns to he regarded by many people .1^ a proper field tor the most unseemly jesting, and there is no phase ol this sacred relation that is not liable to be the subjet t of incongruous wit- ticism. Even unhappy man and that saddest ol 12 FIVE SERMONS ON MARRIAGE, all alternatives, the divorce, are often regarded as ap- propriate topics for the calling forth of our hilarity. It may seem, at first, as though this feature of our popular habits were not of very great importance, and were hardly worthy of being mentioned in this connec- tion ; but this custom expresses a deep-seated lack of respect for the relation itself; and there is no more in- sidious enemy of marriage possible than a lack of re- spect for it. A true marriage should command our veneration. It is the supreme blessing our Heavenly lather has rendered possible for us, and it should stir the deepest emotions of the human heart; it should re- ceive our reverence, and should inspire our heartfelt de- votion and service for the maintenance of its integrity. What then could be more utterly atrocious than to have it associated in our minds, or find expression upon our lips, in connection with anything of doubtful purity, or of questionable propriety! It behooves all of us not only to proclaim in every possible way in the world the true doctrine concerning what marriage should be, but also to maintain a true state of feeling and a right method of conduct in reference to it. We should cherish in our hearts and encourage in the affections of all about us such a profound respect for this central pivot of our individual and social integrity, that no word could ever, even inadvertently, find expression on our lips which shall cast a shadow of a slur upon it. FI I 'E SERMOh 'S OX MA RRIA GE. 43 If we could only maintain in society the proper state of thought and affection toward marriage, we should thereby do much for the realization of true marriages in the world. 4. Another hindrance to the realization of such marriages on earth is the unhealthy methods of asso- ciation between the sexes. The subjects of thought which are the basis of conversation between men and women, and especially between the young, should be more of the ordinary, common-sense affairs of life, as well as the more serious topics that concern us. Pleas- antry and sentiment arc all well in proper places and in proper amounts, but like cakes and confections, among the foods for our bodies, they are entirely inappro- priate as a basis for healthful life. 1 apply this re- mark particularly to the young, and it has been one of the wonders of the subjects of my observation, that parents should often prefer that their sons and daugh- should be edui ated apart, and thus that boys and girls should be entirely separated in the ordinary ami healthful affairs of life, bul should occasionally be brought together under the glare of lamp or gaslight, -e.| in garments which are not their ordinary cos- tume, to convei e on frivolous, stilted, and artificial topics. Such association is unhealthy and untrue, be- getting an entirely unnatural state between young men and young women, and unfitting them for the exen ise 44 FIVE SERMONS ON MARRIAGE. of true judgment and common-sense on the subject of marriage, while upon their correct decision on this subject, all their future success and happiness are to depend. Without entering upon the discussion of the question of the wisdom of co-education as an educa- tional system, as a method of healthful association of boys and girls it is invaluable. That young people should see each other in their working costumes, and associate in the ordinary departments of their life's efforts and culture, is the best preparation we can give them for understanding each other in after life. Indeed, that men and women should associate as far as possible, at least in their sympathies and thoughts, in every relation of their several lives, is a most necessary condition for the realization of true marriages on earth. 5. Another hindrance to the realization of such marriages is the insane sentiment that nearly universally pervades society at the present time. The popular love story is not only silly, it is harmful. It is not simply absurd as an expression of life, it develops mor- bid conditions of mind on this vastly important sub- ject. A kind of sentimental, mutual adoration is the ideal of love that is cultivated in the drama, and in the novel; and the sickly looking maiden, instead of the wife of a true marriage, is the ideal representative of purity in the popular thought on this subject. If we FIVE SERMONS OX MARRIAGE. 45 would realize in life more true marriages, we must do away with this morbid state of popular thought and feeling. The basis of all true love, which should cul- minate in marriage, is respect — good, honest, simple, and healthful respect. Respect for the principles by which the loved one is governed; respect for the honesty of effort by which those principles are carried on in life; respect for each other's character in its intelligence and love; respect for the manhood and the womanhood in its growth and in its efforts for the spiritual blessings of life — these should be the foundations upon which may be built that enduring love, which in subsequent married life shall lead its possessors to unselfishness, to purity, to regenera- tion. Let this be the thought which governs in so- ciety. Let it be understood by all that sterling qualities of character are what should initiate, and afterwards constitute, the basis of love, and true mar- riages would not be of such rare 01 i urreni e on earth. In alluding to this false sentiment, it is appropriate for us to remember whal is taught in our doctrines, namely, thai the intell has as much to do with the format ion of a true marriage as tin- heart. Good judgment is as necessary as strong love in a true mar< riage. By good judgment I do not mean a call ulatii selfishness, nor a mere worldly wisdom in providing for the materia] comforts < i the married life, but judgment 16 FIVE SERMONS ON MARRIAGE. of character, judgment of mutual adaptability, judgment of motives and aims, and judgment of sympathy and affection. Wisdom and love are both equally neces- sary to the proper existence of any relation on earth. Marriage is no exception, and if we would have mar- riages that are true, we must avoid unhealthy senti- ments by cultivating a clear, intelligent, wide-awake, and exalted wisdom that will ever purify love and guide the life. Indeed, to realize such marriages on earth will require thoughtfulness and effort in every depart- ment of our life's experience. The passage which we have before us becomes literally true. The lofty ideas of marriage which we find in our doctrines, we must "cherish in our hearts," by loving them and serving them. We must "teach them diligently unto our chil- dren," by rearing our children in a way to respect and love this institution, and to be prepared to attain unto it. We must "talk of them when we are sitting in our houses, when we are walking by the way, when we lie down, and when we rise up," by thinking of the true idea of marriage, and by being faithful to it, whether *ln success or failure, in triumph or defeat, in happiness or in grief, when we are in exalted or in depressed states. Such teachings are as "a sign upon our hand," when cur life's deeds embody them. They are as "frontlets between our eyes," when this Divine law of marriage is before us as a lofty possibility for our FIVE SERMONS ON MARRIAGE. 47 attainment and for our guidance; and we "write them on the posts of our house and on our gates," by having their influence always with us in all the public and private duties of life. For there is no relation in life in which in some phase of affection, or thought, or in- fluence, marriage does not enter. Let us all strive then, each contributing his little mite, for the realization of these blessed unions on earth. We must attain our ideal and prove true to it. We must rear our children in the respect, the love, and the knowledge of it. We must maintain in all the walks of our lives that dignified respect for marriage which shall rebuke the disgraceful position which popularly it holds. We must seek to cultivate that true association between men and women which shall result in the exaltation of this sacred rela- tion iii their thoughts and lives, and we must crush out the sickly sentimentality which destroys the judgment and the intelligent e of man mi this still ic. t. Thus by all e means may sm h marriages be realized on earth. And who can estimate the Divine blessings which shall descend upon us when these are realized! 'The greal so< ml problems that have perplexed humanity shall be solved; self-love ami iniquity shall have mm their deadlier t foe; integril , i haril j . and puri! y shall ime enthroned in the hearts "i men; and the king« piritual cancer, eating their life — or shall they seek sympathy and comfort from their friends and asso- ciates? The passage before us says, "Commit thy way to the Lord," and this surely means that your strength and wisdom for carrying on the great mission you have entered on shall come from Him, and shall be sought in the truth which he gives us, and in the FIVE SEKMONS OX MARRIAGE. 59 obeying of the commandments which He has laid down for us. But. we are weak. We may be confused, we may be blinded by our selfish affections, and in the midst of things that try us, our judgment may seem impotent to decide what is true and wise for us. While the rule is good therefore that, where possible, heavenly truth should be applied by each to the un- toward circumstances of his life, it is yet orderly and right to accept counsel, nay, even to seek it. But let it be understood that confidence of this kind is for the sake of obtaining wisdom. Let no one open his heart to another for the purpose of being confirmed and strengthened in his discontent. Let no wife seek to have another tell her that her husband is unjust Let no husband seek from his companions sympathy for the suffering which comes from an unhappy marriage. Let there be but this one thought, that we may obtain wisdom and strength to guide and support us in what is right. I hi -• we may seek that we may more suc- »sfully attain unto tin- high purposes of the married relation. To ask sympathy merely for its own sake, to i rave and se< k that kind of condolem e whi< h leads us to a keener appreciation of our own unhappiness, is unhealthy and untrue. Lei us, then, in our confi- dence simply seek wisdom, and not sympathy for the sufferii j. Ami u is well to remember in this < onnection 60 FIVE SERMONS ON MARRIAGE. that it' he to whom you are married is unfitted for you, it follows of necessity that you are unfitted for him. If a man finds his wife not intellectual enough to be his equal; he may rest assured that his intellectuality may stand in the way of his greatest usefulness to her. If one be not good enough for the other, the goodness of the other needs special management that it may be of use to the one. The unhappiness of marriage extends in both ways, and each may know that if his married partner seem not suited to minister to his own best welfare, neither is he ministering in the most successful way to his married partner's best welfare. Each then, in such instance, must look to his own life to see wherein he may so accommodate himself to the state of the other as to be of the great- east use to him. It were well for each person whose marriage is unhappy to remember that that imperfec- tion affects also the life of his partner, and that it is his part to correct the evil so far as it pertains to his efforts to do so. To him, then, who is unhappily married, our doc- trines come and tell him to take good courage. They give him a lofty ideal to place before himself, for his spiritual endeavor and for his attainment of what is right and true. The spiritual welfare of him to whom you are married, must be the supreme end of your efforts whatever be the nature of that union, whether FIVE SERMONS ON MARRIAGE. 61 happy or not. And we are to seek wisdom for our guidance, rather than sympathy for our sufferings, remembering ever that if one's partner is unfit for him, he himself must, therefore, labor with the greater earnestness to make up for his own deficiency. By all these ways, even in an unhappy marriage, may one attain the blessings for which this sacred insti- tution was established ; and from the bitterness of an unhappy experience may he reap a beautiful spiritual harvest. This teaching is not that any should enter an unhappy marriage with the prospect that it will be such; but that, having entered it, they may by a de- votion to these high, pure, and unselfish purposes, gain spiritual life even from the foolishness of their mistaken judgments. As. the Lord overrules evil, even making the wrath of man to praise Him, so in this saddest of earthly relations, by supreme devotion, may one reap a rich spiritual harvest, overruling what we should expect to be the effects of former foolish- And who i an measure the sweetness of character, the Divine humility of spirit, and the supreme conse- ( ration unto which one, whose marriage is not happy, may yel attain if, laying aside the question of his own Batisfa< tions, he devotes himself wholly t0 the realiza- tions of the true ends oi" marriage. "Commit thy way unto the Lord, trust also in I Inn, and lie shall bring 62 FIVE SERMONS ON MARRIAGE. it to pass." " He shall bring it to pass." He shall come into the life of him who thus commits his way unto Him, and bestow the blessings of infinite love, of peace, of unselfishness, of consecration, and of heav- enly usefulness; yea, of a lofty angelhood. FIVE SERMONS ON MARRIAGE. 63 V, MARRIAGE IN HEAVEN. •• And I will betroth thee unt- > me forever : yea, I will betroth thee unto He In righteousness, and In judgment, and in Loving kindness, and in meroies. i will even betroth thee unto Me in faithfulness ; and thou shall know the Lord," Hoska ii. 19, 20. , > . do err, not knowing the Scriptures, nur the power of God. For in the resurrection they neither marry, norar< given in marriage, but are as the angels of God In heaven,"— Matt. xxli. 29, 80; Mark. xii. 24, 25 ; Luke xx :u. .T>. In K< ii ghoi i the sacred Scripture marriage is treat- ed of in two ways: first, as expressing a purely spiritual relation; and secondly, as referring to the institution as it exists in the world. In treating of the subjeel of marriage in heaven, I have chosen two passages; the first from Eiosea, because it expresses in so beautiful a way the spiritual signification of marriage; and the cond from the Gospels, partly because it appears to mat of marriage as an institution, but more especially because it has b< nerally regarded as teaching ab- solutely that no such relation can exist in the spiritual world. Lei US consider, first, marriage as a spintii.il i tionship. 64 FIVE SERMONS ON MARRIAGE. This passage from Hosea is only one of a large num- ber of similar statements in the Word. In Jeremiah the Lord says, "For I am married unto you" (iii. 14). In His parables the Lord compares the kingdom of heaven to a marriage, and in the Apocalypse He speaks of the New Jerusalem as being "the bride, the Lamb's wife." Marriage, therefore, represents the conjunction between the Church and the Lord. As the Lord is present with His people, He in them and they in Him, as His law is written in their hearts, and they become obedient to His Word, and carry out in life His Divine law, so is He married to them and they are married to Him. And observe how beautifully and how perfectly this passage from Hosea describes the spiritual relation, and teaches us that such a relation is marriage. " I will betroth thee unto Me in righteousness, and in judg- ment, and in laving kindness and mercies." What better announcement could we have that true marriage is a union on the basis of heavenly qualities of character ? It is by virtue of their conjunction in "righteousness and in judgment," that the Lord is to be married to His people. It is because they can be united in "kind- ness and mercies," that Jehovah can espouse His Church. "I will even betroth thee unto Me in faith- fulness: and thou shalt know the Lord," we read fur- ther, teaching us that fidelity is a basis of marriage; FIVE SERMONS OX MARRIAGE. Wb and that "knowing the Lord" constitutes marriage with Kim. Marriage, however, not only in a general way repre- sents the union of the Heavenly Father and His Church, but in a particular way it represents the con- junction between an individual and the Lord. With every person, as the Divine truth within him is carried out in his actions, and becomes a part of his life and character, so is he married to the Lord. Hence, too, marriage is the union between goodness and truth in the life of any one. As the high spiritual principles in our faith are carried out in the deeds of our life, thus as the truth that is within us becomes married to the good, the one characterizing the Other, and the other inspiring the one, so is there a marriage right within our own breast. For marriage spiritually is the union '■! heavenly things, of goodness, truth, and obe- e, for the bringing the Lord's kingdom to the th. It is noticeable thai even in this spiritual apprehen- sion of our subje< t, marriage is not the mere union oi two principles that are alike, for the accumulation of strength, but it is the conjunction of goodness with truth, of love with faith, of the Lord with His Church, of two spiritual qualities in themselves different, which by their union mutually sustain and characterize each other. The idea of srv is never for an instant lost 66 FIVE SERMONS OX MARRIAGE. sight of, no matter how high or pure or spiritual may- be the way in which we take the subject. In its true apprehension, marriage between man and woman is this spiritual relationship. Interiorly and essentially true marriage is always a relation of heav- enly things. In its interior character marriage is a mental union. It is a conjunction of minds. It is a oneness of soul. It will be recollected that, in treating of the true marriage, I attempted to show that in such a marriage what is good and true and noble in the pur- poses and efforts of the husband, are united to what is pure, beautiful, and unselfish in the character of the wife, that together they may form one united man, for the regeneration of each, and for their greatest use in the world. As a spiritual relationship, thus appre- hended, a relationship which marriage represents (as it is referred to throughout the sacred Scripture), it be- comes a perfectly appropriate and natural relationship to exist in heaven. If the Lord and His people can be married, because they can be* spiritually united, it fol- lows that where such unions are possible, that is, where good and truth exist and can be brought together, there is marriage. And as these principles prevail in heaven, and men and women can be conjoined in them, the heavenly marriage between men and women is possible there. The doctrines of the New Church teach us many FIVE SERMONS OX MARRIAGE. 67 things concerning this relationship as it exists in heaven. According to them, sex is a mental or spirit- ual relationship. According to our teachings there is nothing which is exactly the same in men and women. A woman's love is unlike the love of man. A man's intelligence and judgment differ from a woman's under- standing. Their ideas, their methods of carrying out their various purposes, their emotions, thoughts, and volitions are peculiar to each. It is impossible for a woman to think precisely the same thought that comes into the mind of man; and man cannot be moved by precisely the same affection as that which stirs the heart of woman. From the very inmost of their spiritual and mental organizations, tin- qualities of sex are stamped upon every minutest feature of their two natures. Hut this difference is not a mere difference. It is a related difference; that is, the peculiar qualities of each are in themselves incomplete and lacking, but arc made full and perfect by union with the corresponding qualities of the other. A man's love is not true love unless guided by woman's perceptions. A woman's affections arc not true affections unless directed and broadened by man's judgment and wisdom. In a word, the spiritual attributes of the male and the female char- .i< ter arc exactly complemental, and the two together make one completed man. This is the doctrine v. «s FIVE SERMONS OX MARRIAGE. have already given of the ideal marriage which should be sought on earth; and it is our doctrine of the actual marriage which takes place with all who reach heaven. How this is brought about in the infinite love and wis- dom of the Lord, it is not for us now to consider. Suffice it to say that, according to our teachings, it is provided in the Lord's infinite mercy that every human being who reaches heaven, and desires it, shall find his counterpart, one to whom he shall be united in the bonds of true and perfect marriage — a union whence come the sweetest and most interior joys and the widest usefulness of his heavenly state forever. But against the doctrine of marriage, of any kind whatever, in the spiritual world, this passage which we have before us from the Gospels, has been often quoted, and has nearly universally been regarded as an absolute settlement of the whole question. Let us consider the passage, both naturally and spiritually, and see whether it necessitates any such conclusion. But before we consider it specifically, in either way, I wish to call attention to one feature of the Lord's words which has been commonly overlooked. His affirmation is really not concerning the marriage rela- tion, but concerning the act of getting married, or of entering into it. The L-jrd says "they neither marry nor are they given in marriage." To "mairy" here signifies to take in marriage, which is the act of the FIVE SERMONS ON MARRIAGE. 69 bridegroom when he enters into the relation of mar riage. "To be given in marriage" represents the part that the bride takes, as she enters into the relation. It is therefore concerning the becoming married that the Lord affirms that it does not take place in the res- urrection. First, then, let us consider what this means spirit- ually. We have already seen that spiritual marriage means the union of goodness and truth. It represents, therefore, regeneration and purification. It is having the Lord's will done on earth as it is in heaven; and with the individual it is conjunction with the Lord Himself, in "righteousness," in "judgment," in "lov- ing kindness," ami in "mercies," as is described in the passage we have taken from Hosea. That this mar- riage does not take place in heaven as stated in tins passage, means simply that our regeneration is some- thing which must be accomplished in this world. . To affirm that such marriage does not exibi in heaven, would be the same as saying that heaven itself does not exist; for being conjoined to the Lord in righteous- iii ss and peai e, as i-. here des< ribed, and as is meant by marriage spiritually, constitutes heaven. Bui that i onjuni tion, thai is, this heavenly marriage, is attained by a life of obediem e to the i ommandments while we live in this world. It is here thai we attain spiritual regeneration. [1 is by a life on earth that we decide 70 FIVE SERMONS ON MARRIAGE. whether we shall belong to the Lord or to Satan, and hence it is in this world that we give ourselves, and are given by the Heavenly Father, unto this spiritual mar- riage. And when we leave this world we enter into the full fruition of that heavenly marriage for which we have been prepared, that is, into which we have entered by our life on earth. We do not become mar- ried in heaven, simply because this world is the place for the accomplishment of our regeneration, that is, for becoming, or getting, married; and heaven for its fruition, that is, for entering fully into the regenerated or married state. They who have not contracted this celestial marriage here, by a life of truth and honesty, cannot enter it there, for in heaven they "neither marry, nor are given in marriage;" that is, they are not regenerated there. But, in the second place, let us look at this passage in its literal import, and see what is its actual teaching. If it refers to the marriage relation betv/een men and women, what is the force of the Lord's statement that " m the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage " ? Its meaning with each one is according to the idea which he has of the marriage relation. The word "marriage" can mean nothing else. To tell a Moham- medan that marriage exists in heaven, would mean simply that polygamy exists in heaven. To tell these FIVE SERMONS ON MARRIAGE. . 71 Sadducees that there would be marriage there, would mean to them that the gross and slavish ideas of the Jews concerning this relationship would be realized in heaven. Probably concerning no relationship on earth have there been grosser mistakes than concerning mar- riage, as indeed may be evidenced from the many mis- conceptions which even yet prevail concerning it, of which the first of these sermons treats. If the Lord had stated in this passage that marriage existed in heaven, the practical teaching of His words would have been that the gross ideas of marriage prevailing in the world would there be carried out. His words would have promised a harem to the Oriental, and an object of servitude and self-gratification to the man who thus looks upon the ends of marriage. In the low forms in which marriage lias existed on earth, and in the crude Conceptions with which men have clothed it, it docs not exist in heaven. Jt is less false for mankind to imagine thai this institution does not prevail there, than to think of it as existing in heaven in the false forms that pertain to it on earth. if the Lord had announced that in heaven they were married and given in marriage, lie would have conveyed to mankind the grossest of errors, for in the only way in which they COUld then conceive Of this relation it would not he true to teach its existence in the resurrection. As the Lord was obliged to use words with the meanings whii h 72 FIVE SERMONS OX MARRIAGE. those words possessed to the ones He addressed, He had no alternative but to say that in heaven they neither marry nor are given in marriage; by which He means, taking His words in their literal import, that marriage, in the gross forms in which it exists on earth, does not exist in heaven, and by which we understand that our ideas of heaven are less erroneous with the doctrine that no marriage exists there, than with the notion that a selfish or a sensuous marriage can take place in heaven. This is the way we may interpret this remarkable passage. And in confirmation of its truth we must remember the kind of a question that the Sadducees had asked, namely, to whom, to what husband, a wo- man who had had seven husbands, should belong ? Notice that they assumed that marriage existed as it did in this world, and that each should enter into this relation with the person with whom he had been asso- ciated thus in this world. With such conceptions of the nature of marriage there, what could the Lord do, other then to deny their truth ? The conditions which the Sadducees assumed, could have no influence in the kind of marriage which there prevails, and indeed the marriage which they thought of has in heaven no exist- ence. Since, then, from many passages in the Word we learn that marriage represents a spiritual relationship, FIVE SERMONS OX MARRIAGE. 73 a heavenly union of the highest and purest quality, even conjunction with the Lord Himself, we confidently maintain that such a conjunction is possible between men and women after they have become angels, and we explain this solitary passage which seems to militate against this position by showing, first, that spiritually it means that earth is the place of regeneration; and that naturally it signifies that marriage, in the gross and imperfect conceptions of it which prevailed at the time the Lord uttered these words, shall not prevail in heaven. Having developed the general doctrine of marriage in heaven, as we hold it in the New Church, 1 will pro- ceed to present some minor points that we may under- stand it more accurately. I -have said that in heaven marriage is a spiritual relation, that it is a mental con- junction, that it is a union of love and wisdom and judgment and affection whereby two angels complete and characterize each other, until together they make one rounded, full, and perfect angel for the reception of Divine love, and for the performance of celestial "s. But let no one imagine that because marriage in heaven is mental and spiritual, that it IS there! "' a kind of intellectualism. Let no one understand for an instant that marriage in heaven is any less an affei tional relation, and especially let him not think that it is less a union of outward expression. Indeed all the 74 FIVE SERMONS ON MARRIAGE. sights, sounds, and sensations of heaven are spiritual things in visible and audible forms. Language there is audible thought; light is visible truths, ideas, and emotions; and all the feelings of the spiritual body and its senses are only the embodiment and expressions of spiritual things. The relation of marriage comes under the same law, and this most spiritual, this most Divine of all human relationships, is one which is in heaven expressed in the most exquisite of external companion- ships, and the most tender and loving of external asso- ciations. But there is a question which arises in the mind of every one, as to whom he shall be united. Shall those who have loved each other on earth belong together in heaven ? Can those whose married associates have gone before into the spiritual world, feel that they shall be united with them in the eternal life? The New Church teaches us simply this, That part- ners are prepared in the Divine Providence of the Lord for each other, that they will belong together, that they will be complemental to each other, that there is only one in the broad universe of human souls that can be this exact counterpart to the other, that such souls recognize each his future partner when they meet, each knowing the other to be his own other self. But shall this one we are to have in heaven be the one to whom we are conjoined on earth ? It may be. FIVE SERMONS ON MARRIAGE. 75 Those who desire it may think of their future union thus. But this we may know, that whether he be this one or another, he will be the right one, and that we shall see him to be the right one, and shall be more than satisfied. Some imagine that an eternal relationship of this kind may weary of its freshness, and grow monotonous from its long continuance; but it must be remembered that in heaven our growth shall never cease, that every morning our strength shall be renewed, our life be more keen, and our experience more interior and beau- tiful than it has ever been before. The time shall never come when any one in heaven shall reach the goal of his possible advancement. But day by day, "from strength to strength," shall he progress ever Onward and upward. And in that never ceasing jour- ney toward a more complete conjunction with the Heavenly Father, each step is only complete because another shall take it with you. Each new truth can be Only understood because another helps you to compre- hend it. Bach new joy can be only fully felt because that other partakes of it with you, and is himself the instrument for making it more full and perfect. Each moment of the married life in eternity makes thai life more precious, more delightful, more unselfish, mor< Divine. Each step makes it fresher, newer, and re- moves it further from the possibility of monotony. 76 FIVE SERMONS ON MARRIAGE. If such be marriage in heaven, should we not all prepare for it ? And how ? We prepare best for the heavenly marriage by proving true to the earthly. It is not by an exalted thought about marriage In heaven, or by the entertainment of lofty sentiments in refer- ence to it, but by simply proving true to the Divine requirements in reference to marriage now and here, that we prepare for it in heaven. All that was said in the sermon on " What can be Done to Realize True Marriages on Earth " applies to what we should do to prepare ourselves for a true marriage in heaven. The happily married should do everything in their power to make their union now more unselfish, more pure, and more useful. The unhappily married are to seek that devotion, fidelity, and consecration which even in such relation can be attained. The unmarried are to keep themselves true to their ideals, and thus with all, as they fulfil their duties in reference to this sacred rela- tion in the life on earth, will they be prepared for it in the life in heaven. As children best prepare for their coming manhood, not by dreaming of what they will then do, nor by going out into the world too soon, but by doing the duties of childhood an 1 youth in school, and by their obedience to their pa.-j.its, so do we, in this time of preparation for heaven, best make ready for that coming blessedness by performing now the tasks our Heavenly Father has laid out for us — for we FIVE SERMOXS OX MARRIAGE. 77 are only children now, preparing for a true manhood in heaven. " If ye prove not faithful in the unright- eous mammon, who will commit to you the true riches ?" But by other means than proving true to the mar- riage relation on earth may we prepare for marriage in heaven. By every act of unselfishness, and of obe- dience to the Commandments, are we made ready for that heavenly union. Unselfishness and devotion to all that is true and noble are the very substance of true marriage. Devotion to these things in any relation prepares us for that. livery act of honesty, of truth, or of kindness, prepares us for marriage in heaven. Kind words, self-sacrificing deeds, shunning of evil, renouncing selfish purposes, and seeking to be pure and true — these are some of the most efficient efforts by which we may attain a preparation for marriage in heaven. For whatever path of life we may be pursu- ing; ami in whatever surroundings we may be placed, to seek honor and purity will prepare for this celestial union And what loftier end l ould we pla< e before ns? for the heavenly marriage is the supreme blessing which the infinite love and the infinite wisdom of the Lord have provided for his children. 32501 Mm w "SRLF UC SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACILITY BV4278 M36 1895 Mann, Charles H. (Cha HOLBROOK), 1839-iqiR Five sermons on S m AA 000 635 879 o .&