UC-NRLF $B E&7 'ma NEW YORK: D J C K S: F [ T Z G E R A L D , PUBLISHERS. ^.\T'S AMERICAN READ1E -RECKONER. Containing Table ^ for rapid calciilations of Aggi-egate Values, Wages, Salaries, Board, In terest Money, &c., &c. Also, Tables of Timber, Plank, Board and Log Mea- surements, with, full explanations how to measure them, either by the square foot (board measure), or cubic foot (timber measure). Also, how to Measure Wood by the Cord, with Tables applicable to Piles of Wood of any shape, and showing in a simple manner how to ascertain the Contents ii; Cords of a Pile of any shape. Also, Tables of Land Measurements, shoW; ing the Contents of a Piece of Land of almost any shape, from a quarter acr«\ up to ten acres, and telling exactly how to Measure Land in any quantity bj Chains and Links, or by Yards and Feet. Also, telling how to describe a, piece of land in deeding it. Also, giving information as to acquiring and locating a Farm on the Public Lands of the United States. By B. 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Price *(» <• i dick: & FITZGERALD, New Ytrk Copies of the above books sent to any address, free of postage, on receipt of pric THE Arkansas Teayeller's SON"aSTER : CONTAINING THB Celebrated Story of the Arkansas Traveller, With the Music for Violir ox Piano* AlTD ALSO Ad Extensive and Choice Collection of New and Popular Comic and Sentimental Songs BEW TOBR: DICK & FITZGERALD, PUBLISHBBS 18 Aim Strxbt. {iU^2 Entond MO'jrdta; to Act of Cong?eM in the jear 1864, hj DICK b FITZGERALD, • • ,* *4i tte Glirt;i (SiaitK^ t^ Ipitrlot Conn for the Sonthern Diatriet of Nev Tort. ^lonttnti. rAoa A lOTTLB SONO OF LiTTLE ThIMM 82 All Mankin£) arb Worms 19 Am I NOX FONDLY THINE OWN ? 81 Annie Laurie 48 A Very Good Hand at it 87 Bachelor Barney O'^eil 62 OniSELLING THE BtRl»AL-CnrB 89 Ck)MB, eiT Thee down 86 Doctor OToolb 66 Don Giovanni 47 Flow OENTLf, Swbbt Afton ^ 67 HiooiNs'g Ball 67 Highland Mary 84 Td be a Bluk-Bottle 86 Tll be no Submissive Wifk 60 Jake Schneider's Daughtbe 26 Jane O'Malley 68 Kathleen O'Eegan 81 Katty O'Rann 28 Little more Cider 80 LoDGiNQS IN Pat McGaradie's M Meet Me, Miss Molly Malonb 65 Money is tour Only Friend 16 Mt Own Native Land 27 No! Nol tl §11814 4 COKTEM'B. Oh, whistle, and I'll come to You, my Lad . 4* Paddy O'FlanacTan '. y Parody on "Mother. Fvk come Home to die'' ^ Philip the Falconer > Pkayer-Books and Corkscrews £>. RORY O'MORB 4f Root, Hoo, or die . * 8ai Bkill and Squinting Will 8^ Sue was Sister to the Angels 29 Social Sentiments 71 The Arkansas Traveller 5 The Banks ( )f Claudy 56 The Dutch Musician 9 The Fine Ouli> Irish Gintleman , ..-.. 60 The Gay Little Postman 63 The Hazel-L>ell 59 The Humbugged Hushand . 44 The Indian's Pkayp:k , 42 The Landlady of V rance 58 The Neutral English Gentleman o.... 19 The Sailor-Boy's Good-uy 4fl The Seven Days' F ight 14 The Shield, the Fishkall, and the Se wing-Machine 28 The Theatre on a Benefit Night 17 I H7 Wedded Bachelor 20 Fit for Tat 88 Toasts for All Times 71 Vaoob Schnapps and Pkder Schpikk 4k TFE AEKANSA3 TRAYELLER'S SONG-BOOK. THE AEKANS'AS TRAVELLEE. By MosE Cask. (Pnulished, in sheet-music form, by Blodgett & Bradkohd, MubIo Publif^hers. Buffalo.) This piece is intended to represent an Eastern man's ex- perience among tl>e inhabitants of Arkansas, showing their hospitality and tlie mode of obtaininj::^ it. Several years since, ho was travelling the staUb to Little Rock, the capital. In those days, railroads had not been heard of, and the stage-lines were very limited; so, under the circumstances, he was obliged to travel the whole dis- tance on foot. One evening, about dusk, he came across a small log house, standing fifteen or twenty yards from the road, and enclosed by a low rail fence of the most primitive description. In the doorway sat a man, playing a violin • the tune was the then most popular air in that region — namely, " The Arkansas Traveller." He kept repeating the larst part of the tune over and over again, as he could not pluy the second part. At the time the traveller reached the house it was raining very hard, and he was anxious to obtain shelter from the storm. The house looked like any thing but a shelter, as it was covered with clapboards, and 'he rain was leaking into every part of i^ The old marj'a laughter Sarah appeared to be getting supper, while a 1* THE ARKANSAS TRATELLER. small boy was setting tlie table, and the old lady sat in the doorway near her husband, admiring the music. I'he stranger, on coming up, said, "How do you do?" The man merely glanced at him, and, continuing to play replied, " I do as I please." Stranger, How long have you been living here? Old Man. D'ye see that mountain thar? Well, that was thar when I come here. S. Can I stay here to-night? 0. M. No 1 ye can't stay here. >S. How long will it take me to get to the next tavern ? 0. M. We^l, you'll not get thar at all, if you stand thar fooliu' with me all ni.ghtl (Plays.) mmimss^m^m ii fa^^ •^-*v n * r^ -^.^Jt^ ^> -i-#. z — % q — u-m. ^t± :i;;;^==: ri.^ n^ •--^ 1 •1 X ^-^--w- U- i 1 'h -#— r— 1 THE ARKANSAS TRAVELLER. ■ S. "Well, how far do you call it to the next tavern? 0. M. I reckon it's upwards of some distance ! {Pktyk ugain, as above.) S. I am very dry — do you keep any spirits in your house ? 0. M. Do you think my house is haunted? They say^ thar's plenty down in the graveyard. (Plays a^ before) S. How do they cross this river ahead ? 0. M. The ducks all swim across. {Plays as before.) S. Row far is it to the forks of the road ? 0. M. I've been livin' here nigh on twenty years, and no road ain't forked yit. {Pluys as before.) S. Give me some satisfaction, if you please, sir. Where does this road go to ? 0. M. Well, it hain't moved a step since I've been hero. {Plays as before.) S, Why don't you cover your house? It leaks, 0. M. 'Cause it's rainin'. >S^. Then why don't you cover it when it's not raining? 0. M. 'Cause it don't leak. {Plays as before.) S. Why don't you play the second part of that tune ? 0. M. If you're a better player than I am, you can play It yourself. I'll bring the fiddle out to you — I don't want you in here 1 {Stranger plays the second part of the tune.) tFf 0. M. Git over the fence, and come in and sit down — T didn't know you could play. You can board here, if you want to. Kick that dog off that stool, and set down and play it over — I want to hear it agin. {Stranger plays the second part again.) 0. M. Our supper is ready now : won't you have some with us? S. If you please. 0. M, What will you take, tea or coffee ? S, A cup of tea, if you please. 0. M. Sail, git the grubbin'-hoe, and go dig some j fras, quick 1 ( Old man plays the first part.) P £S. 'f=f7Tf- ^^••^ ip=£: ^-^.^-^- t^^ m T=E m THE DUTCH MUSICIAN. m i3 5L * IL^ S. (to the little hoy). Bub, give me a kuife and fork, if you please. Boy. "We hain't got no knives and forks, sir, S. Then give n>e a spoon. B. We hain't got no spoons neither. S. Well, then, how do you do ? B. Tolerable, thank you; how do you do, sir? {did man plays the first part again !) The stranger, lindin^g such poor accommodations, and thinking his condition could be bettered by leaving, soou departed, and at last succeeded in finding a tavern, with better fare. He has never had the courage to visit Arkan- sas since 1 THE DUTCH MUSICIAN. A Favorite Serio- Comic German BufFo Song, As sung by Tony Pastor. (JfoTB. — For the benefit of the English reader, this song is given with the words spelled as pronounced in our language. As it ia In the original, a duett, we give it here as such, although sung by Mr. Pastoe as a solo, and with immense success.) Shanus maMschen, wans canst du mauken ? Canst du shpiela? canst du shpiela? SHE. Ich can spiel so kliena trumm^l, Rub-a-dub-a-dub 1 dans iest mien trammel ' 10 THE DUTCH MUSICIAN. HE. ISlianus maidschen, wans canst du mauken? Canst du shpiela? causi du shpiela? SHE. Ich can spiel so kliena fifel, Swill-li- Willi- wil! dans iest mien fifel 1 Rub-a-dub-a-dub ! dans iest mi-en trummel; My swil-li-willi-wil ! My rub-a-dub-a-dub ! Dans iest mien trummel I HE. Shanus maidschen, wans canst du mauken 7 Canst du shpiela? canst du shpiela? SHE. Ich can spiel so l^iena gyka, Fallk-la-la 1 dans iest mien gyka; Swil-li-willi-wil 1 dans iest mien fifel; Rub-a-dub-a-dub 1 dans iest mien trummel; My falla-la-la ! Ky swil-li-willi-wil 1 My rub-a-dub-a-dub 1 Dans iest mien trummel I HE. Shanus maidschen, wans canst du mauken? Canst du shpiela ? canst du shpiela ? SHE. Ich can spiel so kliosa bassgyke — Zoora-zoom-zoom ! dans iest mien bassgyke ! Falla-la-la I dans i.est mien gyka; Swil-li-wil-li-wil 1 dans iest mien fifel ; Rub-a-dub-a-dub! dans iest mien trummel; My zoom-zoora-zoom I My falla-la-la ! My swil-li-willi-wil 1 My rub-a-dub-a-dub 1 Dans iest mien trummel I THE UUTCH MUSlCl^xN'. 11 HE. Shanus maidschen, wans cpnst du maukea? Canst du shpiela? canst du shpiela? SHE. Ich can spiel so kliena bombass — Tra-ra-ral dans iest mien borcbaas; Zoom-zoom-zoo rn I dans iest mien bassgykoj Falla-la-la 1 dans iest mien gyka I Swil-li-willi-wil I dans iest mien fifel; Rub-a-dub-a-dub ! dans iest mien trammel. My tra-ra-ra 1 My zoom-zoora-zoom ! My falla-la-la! My swil-li-wiUi-wil 1 My rub-a-dub-a-dub ! Dans iest mien trummel I HE. Shanus maidschen, wans canst du mauken? Canst du shpiela ? canst du shpiela ? SHE. Ich can spiel so kliem. triangle — Hic-moc-moc ! dans iest mien triangle ; Tra-ra-ral dans iest mien bombass; Zoom-zoora-zoom' dans iest mien bassgyke; Falla-la-la I dans icst mien gyka; Swil-li-willi-wil I dans iest mien fifel ; Rub-a-dub-a-dub I dans iest mien trummel ; My hic-moc-moc I My tra-ra-ra 1 My zoora-zoom-zooml My falla-la-la 1 My swil-li-willi-wil 1 My rub-a-dub-a-dub ! Dans iest mien trummel! HE. Shanus maidschen, wans canst du mauken ? Canst du shpiela ? canst du shpi-ela ? IS THE NELrRAL ENGLISH GBNTLEMAH. SHE. Ich can spiel so kliena drudlesock — Qua-qua-qua 1 dans iest mien drudlesock ; Hic-moc-moc 1 dans iest mien triangle ; Tra-ra-ra! dans iast mien bombass; Zoom-zoom-zoom 1 dans iest mien bassgyke; Falla-la-la ! dans iest mien gyka; Swil-li-willi-wil ! dans iest mien fifel; Rub-a-dub-a-dub ! dans iest mien trummeL My qua-qua-qua ! My hic-moc-moc! My tra-ra-ra 1 My zoom-zoom-zoom ! My falla-la-la ! My swil-li-willi-wil 1 My rub-a-dub-a-dub 1 Dans iest mien trumme) * THE NEUTRAL ENQLISF GENTLEMAN. AiK — "Fine Old Engliah Gentleman." EnceUp^'^d in his island -home that lies beyond the sea, BehoM the gre-at original and genuine " 'Tis He;" A paunchy, fuming son of beef, with double weight of chin, And eyes that were benevolent, but for their singular ten- dency to turn green whenever it is remarked that his irrepressible American cousins have made another treaty with China ahead of him, and taken Albion in — This neutral English gentleman, one of the modern time. With "William, Duke of Normandy, his ancestors, he boasts, dame over from the shores of France to whip the Saxon hosts : Ind this he makes a source of pride ; but wherefore there should be 4uch credit to an Englishman, in the fact that he is de- scended from a nation which England is forever pre- tending to regard as slightly her inferior in every THE NEUTRAL ENGLISH GENTLEMAN. 18 thinfi^ and particularly behind her in nwlitary and na- val affairs, we cannot really see — This neutral English gentleman, one of the modern time. He deals in Christianity — Episcopalian brand — And sends his missionaries forth to bully heathen-land; Just mention "slavery" to him, and, with a joyous sigh, HeUl say it's 'orrid, scandalous, although he is ready t4 fight for the cotton raised by slaves, and forgets ho\¥ he bothered the Chinese to make them take opium ; and blew the Sepoys from the guns because the poor devils refused to be enslaved by the East India Com- pany, or phi-Ian -thro-py — This neutral English gentleman, one of the modern time. He yields to Brother Jonathan a love that passeth sliow: ** We're Hanglo-Saxons, both of us, and can't be foes, you know" — But, *as a Christian gentleman, he cannot, cannot hide His horror of the spectacle of four millions of black beisgs being held in bondage by a nation professing the largest liberty in the world ; though, in case of an anti-slavery crusade, the interest of his Manchester factors would imperatively forbid him to take part on either side — This neutral English gentleman, one of the modern time. Now seeing the said Jonathan by base rebellion stirred. And battling with pro-slavery, it might be thence inferred That British hearts would be with us in this most holy strife ; But instead of that, John Bull's sympathy is labelled " Neu- trality," and consigned to any rebel port not too closely blockaded to permit English vessels loaded with muni- tions to slip in. And when you ask Mr. Bull what he meant by his inconsistent conduct, he becomes notori- ously indignant, rolls up his eyes, and says, "I can't endure to see brothers murdering each other, and keep- ing me out of my cotton — I can't, upon my life" — rhis neutral British gentleman, one of the modern time. Supposing Mr. Bull should die, the question might arise, " Will he be wanted down below, or wafted to the skies ?" 2 14 THE SEVEN DAYS' FIGHT. Allowing thart he had his choice, it really seems to me, The moFal Eiigliiiri gentleman would choose a front seM with his Infernal Majesty: since Milton, in his blank- verse correspondence with old Thne, more than once hinted the possibility of Nick's rebellion against Heaven succeeding. And as the Lower Secessia has cottoned to England through numerous Ha^noverian reigns, such a choice on the part of the pliilanthropical Britisher would be simply another specimen of his neutral-i-ty — The neutral British gentleman, one of the modern time. THE SEVEN DAYS' FiaHT. AiE — " Louisiana Lowlands." *Way down in Old Virginia, not many months ago, McClellan made a movement — he made it very slow; The rebels they soon found it out, and pitched into our rear; They got the very d — 1, for they found old Kearney there I Chorus. In the old Virginia Lowlands, Lowlands, Lowlands, In the old Virginia Lowlands, k)wl Again at Savage' Station, we met the rebel foe — That General Sumner whipped them, their list of killed will shofw; Then " Fighting Josy Hooker" came up with his train— -- He met them on the third day, and whipped them over again. In the old, etc. The rebels they still followed us, their numbers two to one, But Little Mac he let them know that Yankees would not run Mac thought that he would stop the fun, and bring it to an end — The only way to do that was, for Couch's men to send. In the old, etc. THE SEVEN DAYS' FIGHT. 1ft WTien we heard that Mac had sent for us, with joy our hearts did fill, And we were quickly ready on the top of Malvern hill ; The rebels they commenced the fight, but we were not dis- mayed — They might as well have met the de'il, as Howe and hia brigade 1 In the old, etc. The rebels they began the fight by throwing shot and shell: That was a game, they soon found out, that Couch's men could them excel. We fought them from the morning's dawn until the setting sun — Among the killed and wounded, why, they had three to onel In the old, etc. The Ninety-third — the Twenty-third — were early on the ground ; The Sixty-first, New York Chasseurs, soon showed them- selves around ; Then came the First Long Island — we all did our work quite well, As many a wounded rebel from experience can tell. In the old, etc. When we came to James River, the boys began to cheer, As they saw the little Monitor — up the river she did steer. The rel3el General got scared, and unto his men did say — " Here comes a Yankee earthquake, we'd better gel away.'* In the old, etc. Now, all ye politicians, a word I have for you : Let our Little Mac alone, for he is tried and true ; And you have found out lately that he is our only hope— For twice he saved the capital — likewise McDowell and Pope. In the old, etc. 16 MONET IS TOUR ONLT JillEND. Now I think I will finish, and bring it to an end, "With three cheers for Little Mac — he's every aoldier'a friend : I would like all agitators and politicians to understand, If one can save the Union, why Little Mac's the man. In the old, etc. MONEY IS TOUR ONLY PEIEND. A Matter-of-Fact Comic Song. AiB — " Green grow the Rushes, O I" Of friendship I have heard ranch talk; But you will find it, in the end, That if distressed at any time, Then money is your only friend. Chorus — Yes, money is your only friend Money is your only friend ; Where'er you go, you'll find it so — You must have money for to spend If you are sick, and like to die, And for the doctor then you send, Tou must to him advance a fee — Then money is your only friend. Yes, money, etc. If you should have a suit at law, On which you all your hopes depend, The lawyers want to see your cash — Then money is your only f>iend. Yes, money, etc. Then let me have a store of gold, From every ill it will defend : In every exigence of life. Dear money is your only friend. Yes, money, etc THE THEATRE ON A BENEFIT NIGHT. H IHE THEATRE ON A BENEFIT NIGHT f Or, the Bowery Third Tier. AiB— " Paddy's Ciirioslty-Bhop." &£b. Blubbs is my name, you must know, And I'm a genteel sort of man; A nice little wife I have got, Whom I always treat wh^en I can. To the theatre we went 'tother night — 'Twas a benefit night, d'ye see ; A rich treat I thought we should have, And so thought ray sweet Mrs. B. Chxyrus, There's a small chance of seeing the sighta, It's a fact, as my song it will show, To those who on benefit nights To the Bowery Theatre will go. 'Twas six when our lodgings we left, And to the theatre we went ; But the crowd there it soon got so great, All manner of shapes we were bent. At length up the stairs we were crammed ^ Some joked, and called it a spree, To see how my limbs they were jammed. In protecting my dear Mrs. B. There's a small chance, etc. In the third tier we quickly were poked ; Of our purses we both soon were eased; We were stuck 'mongst a lot of fast ladies, Who seemed to act just as they pleased. The place was so dreadfully liot, With myself, 'gad, it didn't agree; It soon made me awfully sick, And so it made poor Mrs. B. There's a small chance, etc 2* 18 THE THEATRE ON A BENEFIT NIGHT. "We didn't know what for to do, For we couldn't make our way out; "We were jammed up like plums in a puddingy And were shamefully knocked all about. "You fool, take your hat off!" says one; And another, alluding to me, Says, "I wonder where he picked her up?" What an insult to poor Mrs. B. ! There's a small chance, etc. At last we got settled a bit, Not heeding at all what was said; But we hadn't been sitting down long, "When I got such a thump on the head I My hat was knocked over my eyes. And I was quickly unable to see : "Lord! I want to skedaddle," says I; "So do I," says my dear Mrs. B. There's a small chance, etc. "We managed to squeeze our way out — My nose being nearly cut in two; My wife's clothes were all sadly torn. And my visage was quite black and bludi I went off to get my wounds dressed. But the doctor first asked for his fee : I hadn't a postage-stamp left. And neither had poor Mrs. B. There's a small chance, etc. "We made the best haste to our home, And a pretty nice state we were in — Broken nose, broken bonnet and hat. And our pockets both eased of their tin ! And, although we went to the play, Not the first single scene dixi we see: I ne'er went to the theatre since. Nor I never brought sweet Mrs. B. There's a small chance, etc. ALL MANKIND ARE WORMS. ALL MANKIND ARE WORMS. A nlghly Popular Oomic Song. Bung by all the Comic Vocalista. Air — " Bow, wow, wow I'' As all we mortals turn to clay, When closed our mortal terras, sir, I t'ink we may with reason say That all mankind are worms, sir. But as there's some may doubt this truth, And I like to be exact, sir, Tour patience kindly grant me, while I'll try to prove the fact, sir. Chorus — Bow, wow, wow, eta The Dandy he's a tape-worm, Made up of stays and lace, sir; The Tailor he's a cabbage-worm. That cuts your leaves with grace, sir. The Lover he's a glow-worm, That shines but to allure, sir; The Husband he's a ring-worm, That old wives best can cure, sir. Bow, wow, wow, etc. The Glutton he's a meal-worm. Still feeding night and day, sir; The Drunkard he's a still-worm, That drinks his all away, sir. The Brewer he's a malt-worm, A very 'jolly one, sir; The Farmer he's a grub-worm. That grubs on in the sun, sir. Bow, wow, wow, eta The Scholar he's a book-worm, That best on learning feeds, sir; The Mi»er h«'s a mnck-worm. That on a dunghill breeds, sir. THE WEDDED BaOHELOE. The Rogue he's but a blind-worm, That works on in the dark, sir; The Coquette she's a bait-worm, That a-ngles far a spark, sir. Bow, wow, wow, etc The Idler he's a slow- worm, "With laziness he's rife, sir; The Soldier he's a blood-worm, Still feeding upon hfe, sir I A Maki she is a si Ik- worm, That changes every way, sir; And Love " a worm i' the bud" is, That eats our peace away, sir. Bow, wow, wow, eta And thus I think I've proved to you That all mankind are worms, sir — Of different kinds and natures, too. And different shapes and forms, sir: And since that all our bodies go To the worms at our tail-end, sir, Let's hope, like jolly butterflies, That we may all ascend, sir ! Bow, wow, wow, eta THE WEDDED BACHELOR. A New Parody. Not a drum was heard, not a signal-note, As the parties to the altar we hurried; But each person took their farewell look Of the bachelor about to be married. "We married him quickly, at dead of night, The state of bachelorhood turning, By the struggling moonbeams' misty light, And our candles dimly burning. PAD! «v FLANAGAN. satins enclosed his breast, costly attire surround him; to the bachelor's plain style of the priest's cloaK iblded around him. and short were the prayers we said, And \^e spoke not a word of sorrow; "Sui, as we gazed in his face, we plainly read That he bitterly thought of th^ morrow ! We thought, as we stroked down his narrow bed, And smoothed his h)nely pillow, How the mop and the broomstick would fly o^er his head| And we far away on the billow. Lightly they'll talk of the one that's gone, And before his dear spouse upbra'id him ; But they'll little expect, if they let him pass on, He'll follow the samples they've made him. But half of our heavy task was done. When the bell tolled the hour for retiring ; And we knew, by the jingling and rattling of tins, That a horning was about transpiring. Sadly and dearly he did repent Of the step taken in matrimony; Almost broken-hearted he did lament — " Oh, leave me alone for my glory I" PADDY OTLANAGIN. TwAS Paddy O'Flanagan set out one morning From Dublin, sweet city, to London on foot. In an old tattered jacket, all foppery scorning, With a shoe on his leg and his neck in a boot. Musha whack 1 in no time he walked over the water, And soon set his head on England's famed shore; Willie for joy ot his safety his stomach did totter— He suun teddy O'Reilly and Molly Asthore, %2 PADDY O' FLANAGAN. With his phililu hubbuboo huj?amaurainee, Musha gra, botheration, and smalliloo huh I 1 place he soon got when in London arrived, sir, To brush up a gemman, and wait on his coat — Where he soon learned to know that jist four beans make five, sir, And could tell you a tale with his tongue down his throat. Now one day, white Pat was hrs master attending. In his study, where letters around hnm did lay. When hf begged hard for one to his friends to be sending, As 'twould save him from writing, and be the best way. With his phililu, etc. Soon after, being sent with a basket and letter. Crammed full of live pigeons to give to a friend, Enraged at their flutt-ering, he thought it was better To set them at large, and their misery end: Then on, jog he went, to the place where directed, But the door had no knocker — so, what does he do ? Taith, he knocked at the next, where the servant attend- ing— Cried Pat, "It's your knocker I want, and not you I" With your phililu, etc. Being brought 'fore the gemman, he gave him the note, Who said, " In the letter here's pigeons, I find." ^•Bejabers," says Pat, "that's a very good joke, For they fled from the basket, and left me behind I** The gentlefman swore for the loss he must pay, Or on losing his place for certain depend ; Pat replied, " To your offer I'll not once say nay, If you'll be so kind as the money to lend !" With my phililu, etc. Being pleased with the joke, poor Pat got forgivou, Por, though blunder on blunder, no harm there WM meant: And if he's not dead, with his master he's living — And when not out of humor, is always content. KATTY O'RANN. W STay, more, Paddv Flanapan joins in the wish That the cares ^f our friends may soon find a decrease; That war may be drowned on dry land with the fish, And the world forever taste blQssiLgs of peace. "With my phililu, etc. XATTY O'RAinj. Was no^fatrick O'Lilt, sure, a broth of a lad. Who oartered what money and baubles he had, ■--^r rue fove of his sweetheart. Miss Katty O'Rannt Since ne fell deep in love, 'faith I no longer the spade He handled, or followed the turf-cutiing trade; But sang day and night to make his heart light, And swore for his Katty he'd die or he'd fight: Thus did Patrick ^'T.nt for Miss Katty O'Rann. Chorus — Ri tol de rol, etc. He sang out bis love in a sorrowful strain : His warbling^she heard, but she laughed at his pain— Which he could not bear from Miss Katty O'Rann. 'Twas enough to have melted the heart of a stone To have heard the poor lad sing, sigh, mutter, and moan, Willie she turned up her nose, which stood always awry, And plump en another she cast her sheep's eye, Crying, " Pat, you won't do for Miss Katty O'Rann.* Ri tol de rol, etc. As he found no impression he made on the maid, 'Faith, he shoveled himself out of life with his spade, Determined to perish for Katty O'Rann: For, with spade, axe, and mallet, about his neck tied, He plunged in the Liffey, and there for her died 1 As he sunk from the shore, he cried, " Katty, no more Shall you trouble my spirit, or make my bones sore; So bad luck to you, beautiful Katty O'Rann I" Bi tol de rol, etc 24 PHILIP THE FALCONER. PHILIP THE PALOONER. YoiTNG Philip the falconer's up with the day, With his merlin on his arm, And down the mill meadows has taken his waj To hawk — and pray where's the harm? Philip is stalwart, and Phihp is young, And Philip, they say, has a musical tongue. The miller's young sister is fresh and is fair, And Philip he always is hawking there ! For he vows and declares, believe it or not, There's not in the kingdom, for herons, such a spci^ And falcons, they say, to fly true to their prey, Should be trained in the morning early. The miller's to market to buy him some com, For work it should never stand still ; A maioen is loitering under the thorn, In the meadow below the mill; And Philip's grown tired of a bachelor's life — Thinks the miller's young sister would make a good with; And so comes a whisper, and so comes a smile, And then a long leave-taking over the stile. Oh, when he returns from market, I guess, The miller will find he's a sister the less ! For maidens, they say, do not always say " Nay,** When they're asked in the morning early. The miller's returned to a comfortless home. No maiden's sweet voice is there ; He sought o'er the hills, through the valleys and fields For comfort his spirits to cheer. But the birds sang less sweetly, the streams murmured lo\? The winds were all cross, and the mill wouldn't go: But he met little Mary just down by the lea — [hearts free Now they both had long loved, when they thought ihei " Mary," he said, and her hand pressed the while, " Shall we talk of our wedding just down by the stile ?'^ She blushed, turned away, but she didn't say "Nay,*' So the7 married one morning early. JAKE Schneider's daughter. 6EB WAS SISTER TO THE AN&ELS. She was sister to the anp^els- - For we knew we could not traeft. In that form of radiant beauty, Any stain of earthly race ; Like a sunbeam was her laughter, And of heaven's own bhie her eye; Ai»d we wondered not they took her 'lo their home beyond the sky: Like a shadow that comes flitting Through some bright and sunny beam. She has passed away before us, And has left us but a dream. There are flowers that fade in summer That the spring-time may restore; But the heart grows sad and weary, Ere the winter-time is o'er. In a thousand sunny places We their beauteous forms may view But they seem not half so lovely As the flowers our childhood knew. So in all that's fair around us, We in part recall that face, That had less of eartli than heaven, Yet of each had left a trace. JAKE SCHNEIDER'S DAUGHTER. A Parody on " Lord UUin's Daughter.** By John F. Poole. Mit der Tune of "Whack row de dow,* A VELLER, in der Jersey clime, Cries, "Poatmau, do not darryl Uu I'll gif you a pretzel vine To row us o'er der verry." I JAKE SCHNEIDER'S DAUGHTER. " Now who vould cross der Shersey creek, Dis dark und muddy vater ?" " Oh, Vm Yon Schunk," der veller shpeak, " Un dia Jake Schneider's daughter,'* Chortis. "Whack row de dow, A hunkey boy vos Jacob Schneider; Whack row de dow, De gal vos shtole avay I "Ve've left her vader's house pehind — Across der shtream I'll dake her; Un if der mi-nishder ve vind, Mrs. Von Schunk I'll raake her. Old Schneider's men pehind us ride, Dey shvear dey'U cut mine vizon I Den who vill sheer mine penny pride, If I am daked to brison?" Whack row de dow, etc Out shpoke der poatman, " You sha'nt vaU; To go, by tam, I'm ready 1 It Uih. not vor your pretzel shtale. But vor your bretty lady. Shust help der poat vrom off dese log&— Too heavy 'tis to carry; Un, dough der mud ish vuU of vrogs, m row you o'er der verry." Whack row de dow, etc. Shust deo^der rain pegin'd to vail — Der pull vrogs sh topped deir squeaking; Der lady virst mit vright did bawl. Dor vet soon set her shrieking. Un den, ash louder plowed der vind, Un ash der night grow'd drearer, Dey heard der Deutschenmen pehind — Deir drampling sounded nearer 1 Whack row de dow, ete. MY OWN NATIVE LAND. "Hurry up your gakes 1" der lady sard, " Dough dempests round us gader; I doesn't vant a proken head, Un so von't moet mine vader." Der poat vos launched ubon der creek, Der lovers vent on poard it; Der vaters ru-shed in trough each leak, Un loud der shtorm roared it. Whack row de dow, eta Un ven ha-lf vay across dey got, Trough mud un vater shteering, Olt Schneider reached der vatal shpot, His wrath vos changed to shvearing. For in der poat, in her pest clothes, His shild he did dishgover; Yon lovely hand shtretched vrom her nose, Un von vos rount her lover. Whack row de dow, etc "Gome pack, gome pack 1" alout he cried, "Vorgive your voUy I vill." "Nienl nary pack !" Von Schunk replied, " You may go to der tuyfel I" Der lovers vent. He turned around, Mit curses loud un blenty, Vent to his home, and dere he vound His money-trawer vos emj/ty. Whack row de dow, eta UT OWN NATIVE LAND. rvB roved over mountain, I've crossed over flood ; I've traversed the wave-rolling sand : Though the fields were as green, and the moon shone bright, Tet it was not my own native land. No, no, no, no, no — no, no, no, no, no I 28 THE SHIELD, FI8HBALL, AND SEWING-MACHINE. Though the fields were. as green, and the moon shone aA brigiit, Yet it was not my own native land. The right hand of friendship how oft I have g:rasped, And bright eyes have smiled and looked bland; Yet happier far were the hours that I passed In the West — in ray own native land. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes — ^yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! Yet happier far were the ho^rs that I passed In the West — in my own native land. Then hail, dear Columbia, the land that we love, Where flourishes Liberty's tree; The birthplace of Freedom, our own native home, 'Tis the land, 'tis the land of the freel Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes — ^yes, yes, yes, yes, yes I The birthplace of Freedom, our own native home, 'Tis the land, 'tis the land of the free I THE SHIELD, THE EISHBALL, AND THE SEWINO- MAOHINE; Or, Love, Arsenic, and Percn&sion-Oaps. Written and sung, with unusual aitplnuse, by Tony Pastob, the flk rnous clown and comic vocalist. Air — " In the Merry Month of May." My song is of a " Peeler" ^ny, A fancy chap that once I knew, His " beat" 'twas up and down Broadway, ^ And he looked so fine in his suit of \)luel The girls would smile as he'd pass hy , But one there was that met his eye — He thought her the fairest that ever he'd seen— She worked in a shop on a sewing-machine. {Spoken.) Big thing on the sewing-machinaii Chorus — My song, etc. THE SHIELD, FISHBALL, AND SEVVING-MAOHINH. M Each even she'd come at six o'clock, The Peeler for lier would wait the wliile ; The wagons and stages at once he'd stop, And hand her across with a wink and a smile. But he had a rival, five feet in his boots, A sort of a cook down at Meschutt's; A nice young man of limited means — He was chief-engineer of the pork and beans I Big thing on the pork and beam My song, etc Says the Peeler, " I'll cut out this * Fishball.' " To " Sewing-Machine" he sliowed the cash ; Upon her each night he used to call, Which quicKly settled poor Cooky's hash. One night he called, the maid to see. And found her squat on the Peeler's knee ; And, what with affright there made him stand, She was playing away with his club in her hand. Big thing on the club. My song, eta Cried he, " For to live is now no use 1" — He crept into the cofifee-can through the spout; But, without ever cooking poor Cooky's goose. He was only half boiled when the fire went out But, as he was resolved to die, He swallowed the shell of an oyster-pie. Then rammed it down with a loaf of bread — It stuck in his throat, and choked him dead ! Big thing on the Cooky. My song, etc. When " Sewing-Machine" the «iews did hear, For a pound of arsenic she went out ; She drank it off in a quart of beer, And threw up till she turned right inside out! When the Peeler heard of these sad mishaps, He swallowed a pound of nercussion-caps ; ^ 3* LITTLE MORE CIDER. Then a gallon of brandy his heat increases, Till they bursted and b]«w him all to pieces! Big thing on the percussions. My song, eta LITTLE MOEE CIDER. I LOVE the white girl and the black, And I love all the rest ; I love the girls for loving me. But I love myself the best. Oh, dear, I am so thirsty 1 I've just been down to supper — I drank three pails of apple-jack, And a tub of apple-butter I Chorus — Oh, little more cider too, A little more cider too ; , A little more cider for Miss Dinah, A little more cider too 1 When first I saw Miss Snowflake, 'Twas on Broadway I spied her; I'd give my hat and boots, I would, If I could been beside her. She looked at me, and I looked at her, And then I crossed the street; And then she smiling said to me, "A little more cider sweet." Oh, little more cider, etc. Oh, I wish I was an apple. And Snowflake was another; Oh, wliat a pretty pair we'd make, Upon a tree together 1 How bad de darkeys all would feel, When on the tree they spied her, To think how happy we would be When we're made into cider 1 Oh, little more cider, ata KATHLEEN O' REGAN. 81 But now old age comes creeping on — We grow down, and don't get bigger; And cider sweet am sour then, And I am just de nigger. But let de cause be what it will, Short, small, or wider, She am de apple of my soul. And I'm bound to be beside her. Oh, little more cider, etc. KATHLEEN O'REGAN. A BOY in my teens, just before I reached twenty, Among the young lasses would cast a hawk's eye : Fresh lilies and roses, and posies in plenty, Graced Kathleen O'Regan, the pride of Athy. She'd say, "Pat, be aisyl ah, why do you teaze me? I dread to come near you, and cannot tell why." "My sowll neither Jenny nor Nell of Kilkenny Are dear as sweet Kathleen, the pride of Athy." " Arrah, Pat, you know that my father and mother Both think me too young to be married — oh, fie ! To stay awhile longer I know they would rather; Then can't you have patience ?" — " Dear Kathleen, not L* She smiled like a Cupid, which made me look stupid — My eyes fixed with love, when I found she'd comply; So bloomed every feature, like soft tints of Nature, Of Kathleen O'Regan, the pride of Athy. Then war drove me on to where battle was raging, Sh3 kissed me, I pressed her with tears in each eye: We sighed, groaned, and blubbered — she cried so engaging; " Remember poor Kathleen, and once-loved Athy, Where oft, in its bowers, you've pulled me sweet flowera-* If e'er you forget it, I'll certainly die!" •* My Kathleen, to you, love, I'll ever be ti'ue, love, Sweet Kathleen O'Regan, the pride of Athy/ 32 A LITTLE 80^^;} OF L x'TLE THINGS. A LITTLE SONG OF LITTLE THINQiS. A Little Comic Ditty, Bung by the late John Winans, at the National and Bowery Theatres, AiK— "Fine Old Ir>3h Gentleman." I'll sing to you a little song:, iQ little jingling rhymes, 'Bout littl-e folks and little things in these funny little times, Their little ways, their little deeds — though perhaps I've little cause, And very little skill, indeed, to merit your applause — For this is a little history of little modern times. The little joys of former times have nearly passed away ; There's very littie labor now, and very little pay : All things with being little here we honestly may charge, If we except the taxes, which you'll own are very large— For this is, etc. We've very little orators, who take no little pains To show the world at large that they have very little braina^* "We've little men in Congress, who are no little bore, Besides a little bank-bill to oppress the little poor — For this is, etc. We've little swells about the town, who've a very little purse ; And pert and prudish little maids, with a little child at nurse ; And little foppish dandy sparks, whose credit's very queer, Who strut their little forms about to quiz the httle fair — For this is, etc. And then we've pretty little girls, who pore o'er little sonnets, With little waists and little feet, and little fancy bonnets, Who paint their pretty httle cheeks, and play their little parts. To win the little men's sweet smiles, and please their little hearts — For this is, etc. TTT FOR TAT. 33 We've little balls and little routs, where little people go, To sport their little figures and to sport their little toe; Little sparks and little clerks, just broke from tneir raamma; And little boys who think tlwy're men, with a little sweet cigar — For this is, etc. A little smart apology, and then my song is doite : IVe spoke a litAe freely, just to cause a little fun; My object being, of little devils blue all to dfo-arm, So if I've gained that little end, I've done but little harm In this my little history of little modern times TIT FOE TAT. A highly Popular Comic Song. Sung by all tbe celebrated rocallsts. Air—* The Tickling-Man." Mr. Tibbs, as they tell me, was not half so bold As his gay little wife, a most terrible scold, "Who was witty, and pretty, and smart, and all t-hat: But in truth she'd some reason to scold, I'm afraid, For she lately detected him kissing the maid 1 So he very much stared when she told him one day — "My love, if you like, you may go to the play, Which is witty, and pretty, and smart, and all that." Now Tibbs was a lover of plays that were witty. But much more in love with his wife's m^aid, sweet Kitty, Who was witty, and pretty, and srirart, and all that. With lawless emotion his boeom now burned, And in secret, alone, by the garden returned; The moon, with her horns, was just rising to view — Fatal vision, which told him that he was horned tool Though so witty, and pretty, and smart, and all that HIGHLAND MART. gods ! at that moment his optics descried His wife, with a tall, dashing youth at her side, Who was witty, and pretty, and smart, and all that Mr. Tibbs, boJting out, cried, with dreadful grimace, '^Yile woman^I now dare look your spouse in the facv-I" She screamed, and exclaimed, " You base wretch 1 in good time My maid has confessed all your wicked des-ign — For she's witty, and pretty, and smart, and all that " I'm resolved on revenge — I your steps have waylaid, And my cousin, the captain, I've brought to my aid — He is witty, and pretty, and smart, and all that; With him you may settle the case in dispute. And I'll give you, gratis, this lesson to boot : When next with my maid you would kiss, and all thftt, Pray remember your wile may return ' tit for tat,' K she's witty, and pretty, and smart, and all that 1" HIGHLAITD MART. Tb banks, and braes, and streams around Th« castle o' Montgomery, Green be your woods, and fair your flowers, Your waters never drumlie 1 There Simmer faust unfauld her rdbes And there the langest tarry ; For there I took the last fareweel 0' my sweet Highland Mary. How sweetly bloomed the gay green birit How rich the hawthorn's blossom, As, underneath their fragrant shade, I clasped her to my bosom ! The golden hours, on angel-wings, Flew o'er me and my dearie ; For dear to me as light and life Was my sweet Highland Marjr. AM I NOT FONDLY THINT? OWN 7 Wi' monie a vow and locked embrace Our parting was fu' tender; And pledging aft to meet again, "We tore oursels asunder: But oh, fell Death's untimely frost, That nipped ray flower sae early I Now green's the sod and cauld's the day That wraps my Highland Mary I Oh, pale, pale now those rosy lips, I aft hae kissed sae fondly ! And closed for aye the sparkling glance That dwelt on me sae kindly I And mouldering now in silent dust, That heart that lo'ed me dearly; But still within my bosom's core Shall live my Highland Mary. AM I NOT FONDLY THINE OWN? Thou, thou, reign'st in this bosom — There, there, hast thou thy throne ; Thou, thou, know'st that I love thee — Am I not fondly thine own ? Yes, yes, yes, yes, am I not fondly thine own? Then, then, e'en as I love thee, Say, say, wilt thou love me ? Thoughts, thoughts, tender and true, love, Say wilt thou cherish for me ? Yes, yes, yes, yes, say wilt thou cherish for me ? Speak, speak, love, I implore thee 1 Say, say, hope shall be thine : Thou, thou, know'st that I love thee — Say but thou wilt be mine I Tee, yes, yes, yes, say but theu wilt be mine. Il6 COME. SIT TUKE DOWN. TD B£ A BLUE-FOTTLE. A Popular Parody. Sung by Mr. J. Reevb, In Buckstone's Burletta, "Billy Tajlot.* Air—" I'd be a Butterfly." I'd he a blue-bottle, buzzing and blue, With a chirny proboscis, and nothing to do But to dirty wliite dimity curtains, and blow The choicest of meats when the summer days glow. Let t'he hater of sentiment, dewdrops, and flowers, Scorn the insect that flutters in sunbeams and bowers; There's a pleasure which none but the blue-bottle knows—* *Tis to buzz in the ear of a man in a doze 1 How charming to haunt a sick-chamber, and revel O'er the invalid's pillow, like any blue devil 1 When pursued, to bounce off" to the window, afod then From the pane to the counterpane bounce back again! I'd be a blue-bottle, buzzing and bhie. With a chiray proboscis, and nothing to do But to dirty white dimity curtains, and blow The choicest of meats when the summer days gloijf ' COME, SIT THEE DOWN. Come, sit thee down, my bonny, bonny k)ve^ Come, sit thee down, by me, love, And I will tell thee many a tale Of the dangers of the sea ; Of the perils of the deep, love, Where angry tempests roar. And the raging billows wildly dash Upon the groaning shore 1 Come, sit thee down, my bonny, bonny lar% Come, sit thee down by me, love, And I will tell thee many a tale Of the dangers of the sea. X TiaY GOOI> HAKD AT IT. The ikios are flamiDg red, mj love, The skies are flaming red, loTe, And darkly rolls the mountain-wftT6, And rears its monstrous head ; "While skies and ocean blending, And bitter howls the blast — And one daring tar, 'twixt life and deata Clings to the shattered mast I Come, sit thee down, etc. A VERT aOOD HAND AT IT. A Favorite Comic Song, Song by William Bebve, comedian and comio vo«aUi% Ant — "Jeremy Diddler.** To New York I just came 'tother day, With my pockets all laden with cash, sirs; I soon took a walk through Broadway, For I thought I would cut such a dash, sirs. There I met with Miss Emily Lee, And au " open house" being quite handy, I asked her to step in with me, And there take a small drop of brandy. Chorus — Tol lol de rol, eUv She quickly then gave her consent — We went in, and to drink did begin it; She ordered a bottle of wine, And guzzled it off in a minute ! At that I began to look blue — Thinks I, "Now it's no use to stand at it" Bays slie, *' Sir, believe me — it's true — L as reckoned a very good hand at it 1" Tol lol de rol, eto. i A VEET fOOIi HAX'D AT IT. Then she eaid that hev stomach felt queer- Some victuals would give it rehef, sira; Then she knocked in just five oyster-stews, Then a large plate or two of roast bee^ sirs. She said that the lobsters looked nice — If IM be so kind as to stand a bit; She boiced off two in a trice, Eor ske's reckoned a very good hand at it, Tol lol de rol, etc "We wandered the streets all the day, And saw what sights there were to see; At length unto rne she did say, " I should like a good strong cup of tea." We quick headed off for Meschutt's — To walk in we didn't long stand at it; Tiitto she took tea and cakes for an hour — Oh, she's reckoned a very good hand at it! Tol lol de rol, eta Then next pork and beans caught her eye. So she called up the waiter so swellish. And ordered a very large plate. With an oyster-pie just for a relish 1 Bhe then took a fancy to liash, And asked me if I wouldn't stand a bit; flhe swallowed just six plates of that. For she's reckoned a very good hand at it. Tol lol de rol, etOk I found I was wanting some rest. So I thought I'd look out for a bed, sirs ; She said that she thought 'twould be best, If I'd occupy half hers instead, sirs. In a moment I gave my consent — Her dwelhng it was rather grand a bit; •Twas tasty and nice, and all that, For she's reckoned a very good hand *i i*. Tol lol de rol, eta CHISELLING THE BURIAL-CLUB. 89 Next morning quite early I rose, But I found such a pain in my head, sirs! She had bolted away with my clothes, And left me alone in tlie V)ed, sirs. So, young men, I Vje-g- you take care, And love from your knobs pray abandon it; Or, like me, you'll be cauglit in a snare, By one that's a very good hand at it. Tol lol de rol, eta CHISELLING THE BURIAL-OLUB. AiK — "Paddy's Curiosity-Shop.'" My old woman one day says to me, "A thought has popped into my head- How hard up our young ones would be. If supposing as how you was dead!" Says I, " Old gal, tip us your fin — You shall never be hard up for grub* For to-morrow I'll muster some tin, And belong to the Burial-Club." Chorus — Tol lol de rol, eta I arose up next morning at nine, Round my neck put my Sunday cravat; To my boots gave a jolly good shine. In the water-pail dipped my silk hat. Just a dollar I had to a cent ; With brickdust I my cheeks gave a rub- - Then to the committee I went. And entered the Burial-Club. Tol lol de rol, eta Then I sent ray old woman one day (As a queer thought came into my head) To the committee, and told her to say As how her poor hasband was dead I 40 CHISELLING THE BURIAL-CLUB. She went, and she pitched th-em a tal^— With onions her eyes gave a rub; So they gave her some cash on the nail, So we chiselled the Burial-Club. Tol I'ol de rol, eta We next sent some notes to our friends, My wife and I shoved them about — With " Mister John Johnson intends On giving a jolly blow-out!" We'd a lot of pig's-feet and some bread, Six gallons of soup in a tub ; In fact, they were very well fed, At the expense of the Burial-Club 1 Tol lol de rol, etc I served out the soup in good style. To show how genteel I had been ; And the old woman showed 'em, the while, How fast she could put away gin 1 We ate one another, almost — And, after we'd finished the grub, The old woman gave us a toast: "Here's long Ufe to the Burial-Club!" Tol lol de rol, etc. We had a bass- fiddle and life, A banjo, and cracked tambourine; But, while dancing, 1 noticed iny wife Steal off witli a fellow calle>l Green I She told me, rigliL baui^; lo my iiead, She wisiied Vd been choked by the grub, For she'd marry him when I was dead, With ihe bluni trom t-he Burial-Club. Tol lol de rol, eta We kept up the dancing all night. Till we couldn't dance any more; And at last we were put in a fright, By a thundering knock at the door — TACOB SCilN'APl'S AND PEDER SOHPIKB. 4] When a man in black popped in his head, Like the devil in search of his grub. With " I've coino for the man that's dead— I belong to the Burial-Club I" Tol iol de rol, etc Our party rushed out of the room, ^ After breaking the tables and chairs; The old w^oman snatched up the broom, And knocked Mister Devil down-stairs 1 We were both taken by the police, And locked up all night without grub; And then got a twelvemonth apiece, Por defrauding the Burial-Club ! Tol Iol de rol, etc. TAOOB SCHNAPPS AND PEDER SCHPIKE. A Parody on "Eobin Ruff and Q-affer Q-reen." By JouN F. PooLB. YACOB SCHNAPPS. I> I had but a dousand a year, Peder Schpike, If I had but a dousand a year, Vot a veller I'd pe, un I'd have sooch a shpree, If I had but a dousand a year, Peder Schpike. If I had but ein dousand a year. PEDER SCHPIKE. Vot der tuyfel vas got in your head, Tacob Schnapps ? You ish grazy as dunder, I fear! But I'll listen mit you : dell me, vot vould you do, If you had but a dousand a year, Yacob Schnapps, If you had but ein dousand a year? YACOB SCHNAPPS. Tot I'd do ? I'd puy lots of goot tings, Peder Schpike^ Cwetzer-Kaese, buddings, pretzels, un'bier; 4* 4S THE Indian's prater. I vould puild a pig house, have a couple of frowa, If I had but a donsand a year, Peder Schpike, If I had but a dousaud a year. PEDER SCHPIKE. But subbose you gets sick on yo ir ped, Yacob Schnappa^ Mit trinking too much lager-bier? Un ven you grows old, if your frows 'gin to schold, Den vot ish your dousand a year, Yacob Schnapps, Den vot ish your dousaud a year ? YACOB SCHNAPPS. Tot, a man sich as me to get sick, Peder Schpike ? I dinks dat vould pe butty queer : Mine life I'd insure, un from Death pe secure, If I had but a dousand a year, Peder Schpike, If I had but a dousand a year. PEDER SCHPIKB. Dere's a place vot ish petter as dis, Yacob Schnapps. YACOB SCHNAPPS. Yaw, der shtate von New Yarsey ish nearl POTH TOGEDER. Let us poth emigrate to dat peautifool shtate, Un ve'U soon make a dousand a year — yaw, iBteed, Ye vill soon make a dousand a year I THE INDIAN'S PEAYER. Lbt me go to my home in the far distant land, To the scenes of my childhood in innocence blest ; "Where the tall cedars wave, and the bright waters fiow "Where my fathers repose, let me go, let me go- Where my fathers repose, let me go, let me go I OH, WHISTLE, AND I'LL COME TO YOD. 4S Let me go to the spot wli^re the'eaiaract plays. Where oft I have sported in boyhood's bright days, And greet my poor mother, vhose heart will overflow At the sight of hpr ohild : let me go. let me go — At the sight of her child, let me go, let me go 1 Let me go to my sire, by whose battle-scarred side I have sported so oft in the morn of my pride, And exulted to conqn«r the insolent foe: To my father, the chief, let me go, let me go — To my father, the chief, let me go, let me go I And oh, let me go to my wild forest-home. No more from its life-cheering pleasures to roam: 'Neath the groves of the glen let my ashes lie low; To my home in the woods let me go, let me go- To my home in the woods let me go, let me go I OH, WHISTLE, AND I'LL COME TO YOU. Oh, whistle, and I'll come to you, my lad, Oh, whistle, and I'll come to you, my lad; Though father and mither and a' should go mad, Oh, whistle, and I'll come to you, my lad 1 But warily tent, when ye come to court me, And come na unless the back-yett be a-jee ; Syne up the back stile, and let naebody see— And come as ye were nae comin' to me — Oh, come as ye were nae comin' to me 1 Oh, whistle, and I'll come to you, my lad. Oh, whistle, and I'll come to you, my lad ; Though father and mither and a' should go mad, Thy Jeanie will venture wi' ye, my lad. At kirk or at merket, whene'er ye meet me, Gang by me as though ye cared nae a flie; But steal me a blink o' your bonnie black e*0, Yet look as ye were nae lookin' at me — Oh, look as ye were nae lookin' at me 1 THE HITMBUGQED HUSBAKU. Oh, whistle, and I'll come to you, my lad, Oh, v/histle, and I'll come lo you, my lad; Though father and mither and a' should go ma3tone, sulphur, pitch-o, smoke-o !"— "I'll be d d if I do!'^ cried Giovanni ANNIE LAURIE, Maxwellton braes are bonnie. Where early fa's the dew. And it's there that Annie Laurie Gi'ed me her promise true — Gi'ed me her promise true, Which ne'er forgot will be, And for bonnie Annie Laurie I'd lay me down and dee. Her brow is like the snow-drift, Her neck is like the swan, Her face it is the fairest That e'er the sun shone on — That e'er the sun shone on. And dark blue is her e'e ; And for bonnie Annie Laurie, eta Like dew on the gowan lying, Is the fa' o' her fairy feet; And like winds in summer sighing, Her voice is low and sweet — Her voice is low and sweet, And she's a' the world to me: And for bonnie Annie Laurie, eta EORY O'mORK. RORY O'MORE. Young Rory O'Mare courted Kathaleen Bawn — He was bold as a hawk, and she soft as the dawn; He wished in his heart pretty Kathaleen to please, And he thoirght the best way to do that was to tease. VNow, Rory, be aisy," sweet Kathaleen would cry, iteproof on lier lip, but the smile in her eye ; *' With your tricks, I don't know in truth what I'm about Faith, you've teased till I've put on my cloak inside out." "0 jewel," says Rory, "that same is the way You've thrated my heart for this many a day; And 'tis plazed that I am, and why not, to be sure ? For 'tis all for good luck," says bold Rory O'More. "Indeed, then," says Kathaleen, "don't think of the like, For I half gave a promise to soothering Mike ; The ground that I walk on he loves, I'll be bound." "Faith," says Rory, "I'd rather love you than the ground.** "Now, Rory, I'll cry, if you don't let me go ; Sure I dream every night that I'm hating you so." "Ohl" says Rory, "that same I'm delighted to hear, For dhrames always go by conthraries, my dear; O jewel, keep dhraming that same till you die, And Morning will give dirty Nigrit the black lie; And 'tis plazed that I am, and why not, to be sure ? Since 'tis all for good luck," says bold Rory O'More. " Arrah, Kathaleen, my darling, you've teased me enough, And I've thrashed, for your sake, Dinny Grimes and Jim Duff; And I've made myself, drinking your health, quite a baste; So I think, after that, I may talk to the praste." Then Rory, the rogue, stole his arms round her neck — So soft and so white, without freckle or speck — And he looked in her eyes, that were beaming with light, And he kissed her sweet lips, don't you think he was right? "Now, Rory, leave off, sirl you'll hug me no more — That's eight times to-day that you've kissed me before." "Then here goes another," says he, "to make sure, For there's luck in odd numbers," says Rory O'More. 6 i>0 THE FINE OULD IRISH QINTLEMAN. THE PINE OULD IRISH GINTLEMAN. I'll sing you a fine ould song, made by a find ould Paddy's pate, Of a fine ouki Irish gintleman, who had the divil a taste of an es5«te, Except a fine ould patch of pitatys that he liked exceed- ingly to ate, For they were beef to him, and mutton too, and barring a red herring or a rusty rasher of bacon now and thin, almost every other sort of mate ; Yet this fine ould Irish gintleman was one of the rale ould stock I His cabin- walls were covered o'er with fine ould Irish mud Because he couldn't afford to have any paper hangings, and between you and me he wouldn't give a pin for them if he could ; And jist as proud as Julius Sayzer, or Alixander the Great^ this independent ragamufi&n stood. With a glass of fine ould Irish whiskey in his fist, which he's decidedly of opinion will do a mighty dale of good, To this fine ould Irish gintleman, all of the rale ould stock! Now this fine ould Irish gintleman wore mighty curious clothes — Though, for comfort, I'll be bail that they'd bate any of your fashionable beaux; For when the sun was very hot, the gintle wind right through his ventilation garments most beautifully blows ; And he's never troubled with any corns, and I'll tell you why — because he despises the wakeness of wearing any thing as hard as leather on his toes; Yet this fine ould Irish gintleman was one of the rale ould stock I Now this fine ould Irish gintleman has a mighty curious knack 1HE FINE OULD HUSH GINTLEMJWN. 61 Of flourishing a tremendous great shillaly in his hand, and lettino: it drop down with a most uncompromising whack ; So, of most superior shindies, you may take your oath, if you ever happen to be called upon, for it he very nearly never had a lack; And it's very natural, and not at all surprising, to suppose that the fine ould Irish mud was well acquainted with the back Of thks fine ould Irish gintleman, all of the rale oild stockl This fine ould Irish gintleman he was once out upon a spree, And, as many a fine ould Irish gifitleman has done, and more betoken will do to the end of time, he got about as dhrunk as he could be ; His senses was completely mulvathered, and the conse- quence was that he could neither hear nor see ; So they thought he was stone dead and gone intirely — so the best thing they could do would be to have him waked and buried dacintly. Like a fine ould Irish gintleman, all of the rale ould stock ! So this fine ould Irish gintleman he was laid out upon a bed. With half a dozen candles at his heels, and two or three dozen, more or less, about his head ; But when the whiskey-bottle was uncorked, he couldn't stand it any longer, so he riz right up in bed — "And when sich mighty fine stuff as that is going about," says he, "ye don't think I'd be sich a soft-headed fool as to be dead?" Oh, this fine ould Irish gintleman it was mighty hard to kill! " Pat, is it a son or a daughter that your sister has got?" " Faith, I don't yet know whether I am an uncle or an aunt." 51 PEAYER-BOOKS AND CORKSCREWS. PRAYER-BOOKS AND CORKSCREWS. A Song with a Moral. Air — "Derry down.'" Twelve parsons once went to a 'Squire's to dine, Who was famous for giving good ven'son and wine; All great friends of the cloth, with good living in view, Quite grace-full they sat down, as parsons shouki do. OhoriLS — Derry down, etc. A wicked young whipster, our worthy 'Squire's cousin. Whispered, " Cousin, I boldly will lay you a dozen, Though here we've a dozen of parsons, God wot, Not one of the twelve has a prayer-book gotl" Derry down, etc. "Agreed!" cried the 'Squire; "coz, we must not be loth Such a wager to lay, for the sake of the cloth ; The parsons, no doubt, to confute you are able, Bo we'll bring, with the dinner, the bet on the table." Derry down, etc. Dinner came — cried the 'Squire, "A new grace I will say; Has any one here got a prayer-book, pray ?'' Quite glum looked the parsons, and with one accord Cried, " Mine's lost"— "Mine's at home"—" Mine's at church, by the Lordl" Derry down, etc. Quoth our cousin, " Dear 'Squire, I my wager have won, But another I purpose to win ere I've done; Though the parsons could not bring a prayer-book to view, I the same bet will lay they have each a corkscrew 1" Derry down, etc. ^'Done — donel" roared the 'Squire. — "Hello, butler I bring nearer That excellent magnum of ancient Madeira." JANE O'M ALLEY. kZ Twaa brought. — "Lot'3 decant it — a corkscrew, good John." Here each of the parsons roared out, " I've got one I" Derry down, etc. MORAL. But let us not censure oir parsons for this — "WhcQ a thing's in its place, it can ne'er come amiss: Pra^ jr-books wonPt serve for corkscrews; and I'm such a sinner, Thoik^h a sermon I like, I don't want it at dinner. Derry down, etc. JANE O'MALLEY. I'll tell thee a tale of a maiden's veil, It was worn by Jane O'Malley ; On the Highland green her form was seen, But she now sleeps in the valley 1 Chorus — She now sleeps. She now sleeps in the valley. One year ago, when the sun was low, Along with Elwyn Ally, To chat and talk, she took a walk — But she now sleeps in the valley 1 She now sleeps, etc. They talked of love — she stood above A rocky clifif, with Ally : AJasl she fell — he could not save — And she now sleeps in the valley 1 She now sleeps, etc. ^'Ilwy searched the ground till the spot was found, Where struggled Jane O'Malley — Where the rock was cleft, l^er veil was left, And she now sleeps in the valley 1 She now sleeps, etc. 6» 64 LODGINGS m PAT M'GARADIE'S. LODGINGS IN PAT McGAEADIB'S. A Rollicking Irish Song. Sung by Fred May. { AiB — " Barney McFinnegan." Some folks know the way for to thrive, • In spite of the wcrld's adversity — And enjoy all the gt^od things ahve, When others are dying from scarcity. Two Paddies, I very well know, They made of misfortune a paradise ; They came from sweet Donoghaloo, And took lodgings in Pat McGraradie's. G horns — Whack, fol de rol, eta Now they spoke to a grocer hard by, And prevailed on the man for to tick 'em; But the payment was " all in my eye," For the rascals intended for to trick him. So they ate as they ne'er did before. And smacked their lips wid the rarities^ Saying, " Mate and drink in the store, And lodgings in Pat McGaradie's I" Whack, fol de rol, etc. They brought in every night, to their pad, The boys just come o'er to the shearing; Be the hokeyl and that was the squad That could give the victuals a tearing 1 "Fire away, ladsl there's plenty o' more- Taste your lips wid the rarities ; There's mate and dhrink in the store, And lodgings in Pat McGaradie's 1" Whack, fol de rol, eW Sure, they made knives of their fists (For there's many a rule in the navy), And Paddy was up to the wrists, Dealing them handfuls of gravy ! LODGINGS 'N PAT m'GARADIE'S. 5& " Slash away, till your bellies are sore — Show them your at:eing dexterities. There's mate and dhriuk in the store, And lodgings in Pat McGaradie's I" Whack, fol de rol, eto i The porter and ale were marked " tay," ^ And the whiskey "spice" and "onions;'* And they cried, "Lei, us all tear away, And give our stomachs new linings I Such luck Diver happened before — Fill up yer cups wid the rarities; There's mate and dhrink in the store, And lodgings in Pat McGaradie's!" Whack, fol de rol, eta The dogs, from all quarters around. Were never before so befriended ; And while the good things did abound, The beggars were duly attended. " Now let us be kind to the poor, And we'll get a good name for our charities; There's mate and dhrink in the store. And lodgings in Pat McGaradie's!" Whack, fol de rol, eta But, the grocer's account being due, He asked for his money quite civil, And was tould by the beggarly crew To go and seek that from the divil ! With rage how he cursed and he swore I They had ruined him ateing his rarities; He turned bankrupt, and shut up his store, Through those doings at Pat McGaradie's. Whack, fol de rol, etc. If a fellow has but one eye, let him get a wife, and ah* will be his other I. THE BAi^KS or CLAUDT. THE BANKS OP OLAUDT. It was on a summer's morning, all in the month of May, Down hj yon flowery garden, Where Betsey did stray; I overheard a damsel in sorrow to complain, All for her absent lover, that ploughs the raging main. I went up to this fair maid, and put her iu surprise ; I own she did not know me, I being in disguise. Said I, "My charming creature, my joy and he-art's delight, How far do you travel this dark and rainy night?" ** The way, kind sir, to Claudy, if you please to show — Pity a maid distracted, for there I have to gol I am in search of a faithless young man, Johnny is his name, All on the banks of Claudy I am told he does remain. ** If Johnny was here this night, he would keep me from all harm — He is in the field of battle, all in his uniform : As he's in the field of battle, his foes he will destroy — Like a ruling king of honor, he fought in the wars of Truy.'» "It's six weeks and better since your true-love left the shore ; He's cruising the wide ocean, where foaming billows roar* He's cruising the wild ocean, for honor and gain — I was told the ship was wrecked off" the coast of Spain." "When she heard the dreadful news, she fell, in despair, To wringing of her hands and tearing of her hair. "Since he is gone and left me, no man will I take; In some lonesome valley I will wander for his sake I" His heart was filled with joy — no longer could he stand; He flew into her arms, saying, " Betsey, I am the man — I am the faithless young man whom you thought was slain, And, since we're met on Claudy's banks, we'll never part again." FLOW GENTLY, SWEET AFTON. 6t BALL BRILL AND SQUINTIUa WILLi A Simple little Ditty. Are— ''The Girl I left behind me." I LOVED a prrrl called Pretty Sal, In courtship so particular — Just three feet high, she'd but one eye, Her breath was like the auricula. Her flaxen pate and waddling gait Did seem so like divinity — So sweet her leer, I cried, '' Oh, dear, I'll love you for infinity 1" k sent her word, on a fine card, With figures emblematical, That I would come and take her home — In that I was dogmatical 1 Jdut she said, " No ! if I said so From now to all infinity, i'hstt I should find it was her mind With me to have no afifinityl" One day, oh dear ! as you shall hear, By my own incongruity, I met Sal Brill with Squinting Will, In closest contiguity. Oh, then she said, " Sweet Will I'll wed, To end all ambiguity; Gibby, good-by 1 you're ' all my eye' — We'll live in continuity." FLOW GENTLY, SWEET APTON. b\^)W gently, sweet Afton, among thy green braes; Flow gently — I'll sing thee a song in thy praise ; My Mary's asleep by thy murmuring stream; Flow gently, sweet Afton, disturb not her dream. 58 THE LANDLADY OF FRANCE. Thou dove, whose soft echo resounds from the hilll Thou green-crested lapwing, with noise loud and shdll! Ye wild whistling warblers I your music forbear I I charge you disturb not the slumbering fair. Thy crystal stream, Afton, how lovely it glides. And winds by the cot where my Mary resides I There oft, as mild evening weeps over the lea, Thy sweet-scented groves shade my Mary and me. Flow gently, sweet Afton, among thy green braes; Flow gently, sweet river, the theme of my lays; My Mary's asleep by thy murmuring stream — Flow gently, sweet Afton, disturb not her dream. THE LANDLADY OF FRANCE. A Rare Old Oomio Soug. Air—" Yankee jDoodle." A LANDLADY of France loved an officer, 'tis said. And this officer he dearly loved her brandy, oh. Sighed she, '• I love this officer, although his nose is red, And his legs are what his regiment call bandy, oh." But when the bandy officer was ordered to the coast. How she tore her lovely locks, that looked so sandy, oh I "Adieu, my soull" said she; ''if you write, pray pay the post — And, before we part, let's take a drop of brandy, oh." She filled him out a bumper just before he left the town, And another for herself so neat and handy, oh ; S« they kept their spirits up by pouring spirits down, For love is like the colic, cured with brandy, oh. •*Take a bottle on't," says she, *' for you're going into campt In your tent, you know, my love, 'twill be the dandy, oh.'* "You're right, my love," says he, "for a tent is verydamft -— 2lJj(J *ti8 better with my tent to take some brandy, oh." THE HAZEL-DELL. 69 THE HAZEL-DELL. fBj permiscrfon of tho publishers, Messrs. W. Hall & Bov.) In the Hazel-Dell my Nelly's sleeping — Nelly, loved so long 1 And my lonely, lonely watch I'm keeping, Nelly lost and gone. Here in moonlight often we have wandered Through the silent shade ; Now where leafy branches drooping downward. Little Nelly's laid. Glioriis. All alone my watch I'm keeping, In the Hazel-Dell ; For my darling Nelly's near me sleeping- Nelly, dear, farewell! In the Hazel-Dell my Nelly's sleeping. Where the flowers wave ; And the silent stars are nightly weeping O'er poor Nelly's grave. Hopes that once ray bosom fondly cherished, Smile no more on me ; Every dream of joy, alas ! has perished, Nelly, dear, with thee. Ali alone my watch, eta Now Tm weary, friendless, and forsaken, Watching here alone ; ' Nelly, thou no more wilt fondly cheer me [ With thy loving tone. Tet forever shall thy gentle image In my memory dwell ; JLnd my tears thy lonely grave shall moisten— Nelly, dear, farewell I All alone my watch, eta IM> I'll be no submissive wife. I'LL BE NO SUBMISSIVE WIFE. I'll be no submissive wife, No, not I — no, not I ; I'll not be a slave for life, No, not I — no, not I: 1*11 be no submissive wife, No, not I — no, not I; I'll not be a slave for life, No, not I — no, not 1 1 Think you, on a wedding-day, That I said, as others say, "Love, and honor, and obey— Love, and honor, and obey"? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, not 1 1 Chorus, " Love, and honor, and obey — Love, and honor, and obey"? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, not I; No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, not I; No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, not I I to dulness don't incline, No, not I — no, not I ; Go to bed at half-past nine ? No, not I — no, not 1 1 I to dulness don't incline, No, not I — no, not i ; Go to bed at half-past nine? No, not I — no, not I ! Should a humdrum husband say That at home I ought to stay. Do you think that I'll obey — Do you think that I'll obey ? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, not I* Do you think that I'll obey — Do you think that I'll obey ? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, not 1 No, no, no, etc. NO I no! 61 NO! NO! The celebrated Duett in tlie Bnrletta of " No." 4b Bang by James Dunn and Wrs. W. G. Jonbs, at the New Boworf Theatre. Air — " Isabel." He. Will you not bless, with one sentence, a lover Whose bosom beats only for you? The cause of your anger I pr'ythee discover— Pray tell me the reason for ? She. No! He. Say, dearest, you still love me ? She. No! He. Oh, how can you doom me to sorrow ? Yet once again bless me with — She. No ! He. And promise to meet me to-morrow; Promise — She. No! He. Pr'ythee— Shb. No! Hb. Don't say no! Hjj. Must we, then, dearest Maria, sever ? And can you, then, part with me ? Shbs. NoM He. Then swear by yon sun to be mine only ever ; You cannot refuse me, love I She. No! He. You hate not your fond lover ? She. No! He. Your hand to my faithful heart pressing, Say, does it offend you, love ? No! He. Then to marry will not be distressing — Answer I She. No I He. Once more. Shb. Not nol nol ool 6 BACHELOR BARNEY NEIL. BACHELOR BARITET O'UEIL. Song by William W. Eeeve, comedian and comic vocalist, at tli« Theatres and Music-Halls. AiK — '^ Oh, dear, what can the matter be ?" OOH, botheration I Miss Judy O'Flanagan, Give rae my heart back, and make me a man agin ; Such a conflict of passions I niver can stand agin — Och, blur an' ouns I what can I ail? My legs do so trimble, my teeth do so chatter; My heart is as soft as a basin of batter ; Och, gramachree ! what the divil's the matter Witii poor Misther Barney O'Neil? One evening alone in the fields I did meet her — "Och, Judy," thinks I, " yer a swate, lovely craiture." Her cheeks were as round as a maily potatur, Her step airy, light, and ginteel. Her glance was as keen as a dart or an arrow ; In one moment it shot me right plump to the marrow And I felt like a rattlesnake in a wheelbarrow — Faix, it bothered poor Barney O'Neil 1 Now after a twelvemonth of coortship I'd tarried, I bothered her so to consent to be married : She gave it, and quickly was to the priest carried, And I there made her Misthress O'Neil. Our neighbors and frinds were all merry and frisky, And, afther partaking of lashings of whiskey, They bade us adieu, wishing joy to us briskly, And a young Misther Barney O'Neil ! By night and by day did I swear I did love her, "While she swately promised she'd ne'er prove a rover; But the honeymoon scarcely a week had passed over, When a divil was Misthress O'Neil I At clawing, och 1 faith, not a woman could bate her; And thin, as to tongue, she'd the divil's own clatter; Och, sure, but I soon wondered what was the matter With poor Misther Barney O'Neil. THE GAY LITTLE POSTMAN. 63 One eveniiig, ocb 1 surely Ould Nick wouldn't match her, Returnin' home airly, I liappened to catch her Wid her arras round the neck of a tall sarjint-major— Och, blur an' ouns, how I did feel ! Of Judy's foul parjury I did remind her, And bundled the major quick out of the winder •,• Manewhile, like a furnace, or blazing-hot cinder, Burnt poor Misther Barney O'Neil. Next mornin' the major was kilt in a dhuel; Judy be wept him, and callf^d the Fates cruel- Fell sick of a fever, and d^ad of hot gruel — Death quieted Misthress O'Neil. I miss her, because she no longer can taize me; No longer I roam like a man that is crazy, So the rest of me life I'll spind parfectly aisy, WiU Bachelor Barney O'Neil. THE GAY LITTLB POSTMAK. An Old-Style Comic Song. As sung by all the comic vocalists. AiK — "Mr, Walker.'* But a short way up-town, though I mustn't tell whera^ A shoemaker married a maiden so fair, Who a month after wedlock, 'tis truth I declare, Fell in love with a gay little postman. Her person was thin, genteel, and tall, Her carroty hair did in ringlets fall; And while the cobbler worked hard at his stall, She was watching this gay little postman. He was just four feet six in height, But a well-made figure to the sight; He walked like a monument bolt upright — Mr. Walker, the gay little postman. say, 64 ' THE GAY LITTLK FuSlAlAN. His toes he turned out; hv*.- liad brio-lit black oyes^ His nose was more th-an il^e common size, And he really looked, without any lies. Too genteel and neat for a postman. Resolved she was tx) get in his way : So, without any trouble, she met him one day, And says she, " Have you got e'er a letter, I s For me, Mister gay little postman ?" Says he, " I don't know yoi» '' Says she, " Good 1» i I live the next door, the second floor back ; My husband's a cobbler — 'tis all in your track." "It's all right," says the gay little postman, Next morning — I can't tell you what she was at — She lelt her heart suddenly beat pit-a-pat, When slie heard ai the street-door a double "Rat-tft^t** And in came the gay little postman. "Here's a letter," says he — the cunning elf! — "The postage is paid — so't needs no pelf." In fact, he had vvriiten the letter himself, And brought it. the gay little postman 1 With love in his eyes he then at her did stare; Says he, "I ne'er saw a lady so fair; I always was panial to carroty hair — " was," says the gay little postman. "That your husband ill treats you I can't suppose" — "Yes, he gives me bad words, and sometimas blows; He's an ugly man, and has got no nose" — "I have I" says the gay little postman. His kindness was such, that it knew no end; And to prove that he really was a true friend, He took her spouse three pair of shoes to mend — Did Walker, the gay little postman. MEET ME, MISS MOLLY MA LONE. 68 They were soled and heeled without delay; To the cobbler he had so much to say, He got the shoes, but as for tbe pay — "Chalk it down," says the gay little postman. Ever sinee then, they've led a cat-and-dog life ; Their home, bed, and board have been nothing but strifoj The cobbler was "done," and so was his wife, By Walker, the gay little postman : Por, by way of a finish to this vile act, The lady (depend on't, 'tis a fact) Has brought him a boy, the image exact Of Walker, the gay little postman I MEET ME, MISS MOLLY MALONE, A Parody on " Meet Me by Moonlight alone." Bung by Gko. C. Edeson, comedian and vocalist Meet me, Miss Molly Malone, In the grove at the end of the vale ; But be sure you don't come there alone — Bring a pot of your master's strong ale, With a nice bit of beef and some bread ; Some pickles, or cucumbers green, Or a nice little dainty pig's head — 'Tis the loveliest tit-bit e'er seen. Then meet me, etc. Pastry may do for the gay, Old maids may find comfort in tea ; But there's something about ham and beef That agrees a deal better with me. Remember my cupboard is bare — Then come, if my dear life you prize ; I'd have lived the last fortnight on air. But you sent me two nice mutton-pies I Then meet me, eto^ 6* •6 DOCTOR O'TOOLH. DOCTOR O'TOOLE, And his Illigant School. As snug by Ed Bbebt, comedian and yocalist AiK — " Derry down." In this wonderful age, when most men go to col>*^ And every man's head has a hatful of knowledg*^ *Twill soon be a wonder to meet with a fool, "When such men are abroad as Professor O'Toole— Great Doctor O'Toole, and his illigant school There are very few men, like O'Toole, who can teach: If the head won't respond, he applies to the breech! And whacking them well, till with blows they are full, "Let's knock in the larniu' 1" says Doctor O'Toole. Great Doctor O'Toole, etc. One morning, the Doctor went out to his walk, And he saw on the door his own portrait in chalk: That morning he flogged every boy in the school I — "It's a part of my system," says Doctor O'Toole. Great Doctor O'Tooie, eta " Gret on with your lessons as fast as you can. For knowledge is sweeter than eggs and fried ham ^ Don't try to deceive me, like ducks in a pool, Or 111 blow you to blazes 1" says Doctor O'Toole. Great Doctor O'Toole, etc "And now, my dear children, bear always in mind That wordg without meaning are nothing but wind; Accept of all favors, make that the first rule, Or you're a parcel of asses 1" says Doctor O'Toole. Great Doctor O'Toole, etc. "If you go to a house, and they ask you to eat, Don't hold your head down, and refuse the good meat But say you will drink too, or, just like the mule, You're unworthy of lessons from Doctor O'Toole." Great Doctor O'Toole, etc. HiaOINS'S BALI 67 ** When your father and mother have turned their backa Don't kick up a row with the dogs and the cats ; Nor tie the pig's tail to the table or stool, ^or you're a parcel of divilsl" says Doctor O'Toole. Great Dor1;or O'Toole, etc. •'But give over fightin', and think of your sins, Or I'll break every bone in your irnpudent skins 1 Give over your ructions, don't think me a fool, Or m punish you blackguards !" says Doctor O'Toole* Great Doctor O'Toole, etc "Now the lessons are over, so run away home; Don't turn up your nose at a crust or a bone : Oome back in the morning, for that is the rule, A.nd you'll get more instruction from Doctor O'Toola.* Great Doctor O'Toole, eta HIGGINS'S BALL. An Irish Narrative in Ehyinei As sung by Frbd Mat. AiKr—" Paddy 0'Carroll.»' ASRAH, haven't you heard of Higgins's ball, Where Fashion's devotees so gay mustered all? If not, and you'll listen to what I describe, It's the joys of a trip to this musical tribe. There was wealthy ould citizens there, d'ye see-^- The boys and the girls dressed as fine as could be, And some out-and-out buffers, a dozen in all, W© made up our minds for a trip to the ball. Chorus, There was Barney O'Fagan and Timothy Hagac, Miss Molly McGuffin and Judy McCall ; Aunts, uncles, and cousins, and neighbors by dozens, All welting the flure at ould Higgins's ball. 68 HIGGINS'S BALL. Now, whin ready to start, how the perople a A stare I We had aich of us got something patent and rare; We made up our minds we the nation would stun, And arrived just in time as the ball had begun. There ould Higgins we saw in his new patent boots— (Spoken.) Bad lu^k to him 1 sure, his ould father, Barnej Higgins, uiver wore any thing but brogues — Quite busy a-tunin' the fiddles and flutes ; And a group of musicians, all of the right sort. Whose noise and whose whinre fill the room full of sport. There was, etc. Now the time had arrived for the ball to begin, And the music struck up such a terrible din 1 Wid ould Mistliress H. at the top o' the dance, Each merry young couple did quickly advance. Och 1 thin, what wid treadin' on aich other's toes, And knockin' our heads against many a nose, Kickin' aich other's ankles, we welted the flure, While Higgins kept time wid the bar of the dure. {Spoken, by ould Higgins.) Hurrool lively, b'yesi See here, Patsey MoUoy, if I catch you steppin' on the girls' skirts, I declare to my conscience I'll give you a welt across the head wid the bar of the durel There was, etc, Now things went on well till McGinn iss the snob From me my young woman was tryin' to rob; Arrah, thin such a terrible fight did ensue I And the rest joinin' in, at aich other they flew. Peggy Murphy called Higgins "an ould drunken sot"— (Spoken.) Divil's cure to him, so he was I He'd dhrink the Atlanthic Say dhry, if it was built of whiskey — Whin away at her head flew the big pratee-pot I My valor, for Peggy, I very soon shows, Jist by breakin' the bridge of ould Higgins's nose. {Spoken.) Sarves him right, the dirty b laggard! There was, et^ A PARODY. 69 Now they ali teft the place in such a terrible mess, All covered vitb portions of oonnets and dres??, Until, quite e^hai'sted, they all foil asleep, And there nfT.i. luomia' they all lay in a heapl (Spoken.) Tho dhrunken bastes, to sleep in their clothei^ lik«3 pifiT^I Now if ever I venture to go there again. There's one thing I'll tell, and that's mighty plain— I'll not forget soon, faix 1 if ever at all. The illigant fight we'd at Higgins's ball. There was, etc. PAKODT ON "MOTHER, I'VE COME HOME TO DIE." An Original Conglomeration of Titles. By E. T. Johnston. Dear mother, I remember well "That nice young gal from New Jersey;** She said, *' Oh kiss, but never tell!" "How are you, black-horse cavalry?" "Then let me like a soldier fall," "When the swallows homeward fly;" " Come, landlord, fill the flowing bowl" — " Dear mother, I've come home to die." Chorus. " Call me pet names," " Annie Lisle," " A bully boy with a glass eye ;" "Oh, let her ripl she's all 0. K."— " Dear mother, I've come home to die." **0h, hark ! I hear an angel sing" "I'll be free and easy still!" •* X/ love he is a sailor-boy," With " The sword of Bunker HilL" to Oh, "Happy, happy be thy dreams," When you're "Comin' thro' the rye;*' "I wish 1 was in Dixie's Land" — "Dear mother, I've come home to die." Call me, etc. '' Dear Tom," " 'Twas my grandma's advice, ** '' Don't ever fly your kite too high;" "I'm over young to marry yet," "Says the spider to the fly." "We met by chance," at " Donnybrook Fair," Where "No Irish need apply:" •* I dreamt I dwelt in marble halls" — "Dear mother, I've come home to die." Call me, etc. "Yes, dearest, I will love th«e more," " I'll hang my harp on a willow-tree ;" "Our Billy was a butcher-boy," And " Sally is the gal for me." •*A dainty plant's the Ivy green," "Then, comrades, raise your banners high;** "I wish I had a fat contract" — " Dear mother, I've come home to die." Call me, etc. Snigsby keeps a diary since it has become ftsiiioaaDJf Being in a poetical mood the other evening, he made inn following entry, which may serve as a pattern to tiio w- €icted: " A nuther day ia past and gon Bill Jinkins broke my demmy gon I'm turuiu' in at half-past six The moon's a dumplin', tiddle stix." What is the apparent difierence between the Pnnce of Wjfles, au orphan, a bald head, and a gorilla? The Prince of Wales is the heir apparent, an orphan has ne'er a parent, a bald head has no hair apparent, and a gorilla has a hairy parent. TOASTS FOR ALL TIllBfi. *1 SOCIAL SENTIMENTS] OB, Toasts for all Times. A COBWEB pair of breeches, a porcupme saddle, a hard* trotting horse, and a long journey, to the enemies of free* dom and progress ! Firmness in the senate, valor in the field, and fortitude on the waves. Cork to the heels, cash to the pockets, courage to the Hearts, and concord to the heads, of the soldiers of freedom. Improvement to our arts, aud invention to our artists. May the Tree of Liberty flourish around the globe, and every human being partake of its fruits 1 May the skins of our foes be turned into parchment, and our rights written thereon. The three great Generals in power — General Peace, Gen- eral Plenty, and General Satisfaction. •seife 8,noBB8'a puiyq o% ep-joq ©qa jsjgns JOfj '«8L\\ qjBd sn iQj noqi *^i8ui eq o'\ ^Qsm e^ ! \JAO({ qoB9 JO pneq eqi -jb opisejd aoranu-poof) puy *ino8 qoB9 usAiiue edeaS uoiJ eqi jo eomf eq*^ ^bj^ wi .it.'! (81(6 o^ -^j'jnnoo « JO %UVJA eqi MODJT 'ifj]unoo siu BiCBJieq oqM eq A^sj^ •uosud B JO epTB:^no eq:) puB 'esnoq b jo episai Qqx •Aauaasod %sq'\v[ etr\ o^ 'paanoes ssejd oq^ jo iC^ieqi] eqi pue 'pouiBauiBm ^mt S.q [TBi^ eq^ 'poAjesead eq uonoejo jo mopaajj eq:; Xbj^ •jflJB9q pUB |B1008 Sum9A9 Ql\% pn9d8 OJ, ^AiiBd !juBSB9id B puB 'jgnijs-pooS JO dojp y •U0SB9'a JO V)l|d ORI ^^ P9J99!18 9q siBM^B ejnSB9JJ JO (IBOq 9q:j iCBJ^ I w&i 9|qBJ9U9A 8Tq uo (^BS Sm|3{nijds £q ei2i9AUi J9A0 UBO Aq{j{% pjiq pnojd ijBqi J^uiq'^ £qi\i jj 'liBJ \V^^'a J9A9J0J *u]iq iCoj389p 05 831998 oqM *91Sb9 8noiJO|S jno 'meiquie B^BOueaiy TOASTS FOR ALL TIMES. May the devil never pay visits abroad, ijor receive com- pany at home 1 May Fortune fill the cup when Charity guides the hand Great men honest, and honest men great. A pot and a pipe, and a good-natured wife, Just to make me feel happy the rest of my life. Short shoes and long corns to our country's enemiea. Champagne to our real friends, and real pain to our aham friends. Friendship in marble, animosity in dust. Envy in an air-pump, without a passage to Dreathe through. May every honest man turJi out a rogue. Lenity to the faults of otners, and sense to discover oui own. Health of body, peace of mind, a clean shirt, and a dollar in our pocket. Here's to Columbia, the hope of the world I Long may her navy, triumphantly sailing, And army still conquer with courage unfailing, Their thunder forever 'gainst tyrants be hurled 1 Here's to the man that raised the goose that gave the quill that made the pen that signed the Declaration of In- dependence ! May our laws guard our liberty, and our liberty our lawi. Let the hoary miser toil, We such sordid views despise ; Give us wine and Beauty's smile, There each glowing rapture lies. Addition to our trade, multipHcation to our manufactures Babtraction to our taxes, and reduction to useless offices. All Fortune's daughters, except th^ Oxudbt Mis-Fortane. THi iva. GOOD BOOKS. Sent Postage-Paid on Receipt of Price. Jack Johnson's Jokes for tlie Jolly $ .25 Snipsnap's and Snickerings of Simon Snodgrass 25 Chips from TJncle Sam's Jack-Knife 25 Yale College Scrapes .25 The Comical Adventures of David Dnfficks 25 The Comic English Grammar 25 Laughing Gas ; or, W it, Wisdom and Wind 25 The Jolly Joker; or, a Laugh all 'Round 25 Uncle Josh's Trunk Full of Fun 15 Courteney's Dictionary of Abbreviations 10 Five Hundred French Phrases 10 The Chairman and Speaker's Guide 10 How to Talk and Debate 10 Mind your Stops ; or, Punctuation Made Easy 10 Hard Words Made Easy 10 Chesterfield's Art of Letter- Writing 10 Etiquette and the Usages of Society 10 How to Behave; or, The Spirit of Etiquette 10 Very, Very Funny 10 Blunders in Behavior Corrected 10 Courtship Made Easy 10 How to Woo and How to Win 10 The Comical Doings of a Funny Man 10 Ned Turner's Circus Joke Book '10 Ned Turner's Clown Joke Book 10 Ned Turner's Black Jokes 10 Charley White's Joke Book 10 Black Wit and Darkey Conversations 10 Charley Fox' s Ethiopian Comicalities 10 Broad Grins of the Laughing Philosopher 10 Christy's Bones and Banjo Songster 10 Christy's New Songster and Black Jokes 10 The Irish Boy and Yankee Girl Songster ,10 The Love and Sentimental Songster 10 The Lannigan's Ball Songster .10 Tom Moore's Irish Melodies 10 Send for Complete Descriptive Catalogue, mailed free. DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 ANN STREET, NEW YORK. Popular Song Books, sent Free of Postage. Priee Ten Cents \i:5u^^^ I V] CRE/ Jlerc PRO] This lit NUTS ON The ( DICI :i: "4: TVlll be mailed, postage paid of TEN CENTS, by tlie Pablisliers. Send Cash orders to Dick & Eiilteerald, New-York. Photomount Pamphlet Binder Gaylord Bros., Inc. Makers Stockton, Calif. FAT. JAN. 21. 1908 YA 09094 925314 THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA UBRARY