THE 
 
 VISIONS OF/QUEVEDO. 
 
 TRANSLATED FROM THE SPANISH. 
 
 BY WiM. ELLIOT, ESQ. 
 
 PHILADELPHIA: 
 
 LITERARY R003TS, 121 CHESNUT STREET 
 
 HENRY H. PORTER, PROPRIETOR. 
 
 1832.
 
 HnteretJ according to the Act of Congress, in the 
 year 1831, by Hexry H. Porter, in the Clerk's Office 
 of the District Court, of the Eastern District of Peun- 
 B}íl*-arúa..
 
 píct 
 
 C- 
 
 7.0 
 
 PREFACE. 
 
 The Translator of the Visions of Quevedo, can truly 
 say, that the pleasure he himself derived from their pe- 
 rusal in the original, alone gave him the idea of trans- 
 lating them into English. It is believed by the writer 
 of this article, that the present is the only EngUsh 
 translation of the Visions of Quevedo, although they 
 have been translated into many other languages, and 
 into French no fewer than five several times by as 
 many different authors : the last of which, that has 
 fallen under his notice, was pubUshed at Paris in 1812, 
 the plan of which has been followed in the present 
 version. The advertisement to that edition, contains 
 the following just remarks — " The Visions, are re- 
 garded as the most piquant production, that ever came 
 from the fruitful and ingenious pen of Quevedo, one of 
 the best Spanish writers. In general, the criticisms 
 they present, although mixed with some tedious detail, 
 have much point, and do not fail in their application at 
 the present day." It is hoped the reader will conde- 
 scend to excuse any inaccuracies that have escaped 
 the translator's attention, and realize from the perusal 
 entertainment sufficient to recompense him for his 
 
 time." 
 
 A 2 5 
 
 4311.15
 
 NOTICE 
 
 LIFE OF aUEVEDO. 
 
 Fracois be Quevedo de Villegas, a Spanish gen- 
 tleman, and knight of the order of Saint James, was 
 bom in 1570, at Villa Nueva de I'lnfantado; and not 
 at Madrid, as has been asserted by Moreri, and repeat- 
 ed after him in the Historical Dictionary of Lyons. 
 He was lord of Juan Abbate, in the province of La 
 Mancha, an estate of which he bore the title. After 
 having "visited Italy, France, and all Spain, and render- 
 ed the most signal services to the Spanish ministry, 
 he took up liis residence at Madrid. 
 
 During his stay at court, he devoted himself to study 
 and composition : being considered the most pohshed 
 writer of his time, and one who united in himself the 
 greatest versatility of talent. The taste of Quevedo 
 naturally inchned him to fictitious composition. En
 
 tí NOTICE OF THE 
 
 dowed with keen perceptions, a vivid imagination, and 
 rapidity of invention, he is not indebted to the drudgery 
 of research, and other men's thoughts for liis immortal 
 productions: depending solely upon his own resources, 
 he was emphatically an original writer. 
 
 The author of the Spanish Library, expresses him- 
 self of Quevedo, in the following terms : " He knew 
 how to reconcile the gravest studies with pleasantries 
 and wit. His style is embellished with the ornaments 
 of an adroitly managed application : he has so much 
 finesse, such an immense fund of invention, of ideas as 
 novel as ingenious — so much soft and delicate irony : 
 he understands so well, whether in verse or prose, how 
 to sketch with facility a pleasant or ridiculous subject, 
 that among gay writers there is not one comparable to 
 him. Nervous and sublime in heroic poetry, graceful 
 in lyric verse, full of wit and gaiety in his sportive 
 works, his genius illuminates the weakest subjects." 
 
 His poetical effusions have been very much sought 
 after. Nicholas Antonio, an excellent critic, says, 
 also, that in the higher walks of poetry, he has force 
 and sublimity. His luxuriant imagination carried 
 him alternately to both sacred and profane verse. He 
 wrote divers religious treatises, and many essays ex-
 
 LIFE OF QÜEVEDO. 9 
 
 tremely amusing, besides translations in verse and 
 prose. He published, among other works, the Spa- 
 nish Paiiassiis, and the novel known by the name of 
 the Sharper, 
 
 His works have been published in four volumes 
 folio, and in eleven volumes octavo. They comprise, 
 under the title of Dreams or Visions, divers works of 
 his, published at different times, in various places, and 
 with different titles. 
 
 Quevedo, in his old age, was very infirm; and, at 
 an advanced period of his life, was imprisoned by order 
 of Count d'Olivarez, for a libel upon his administration, 
 in which situation he remained till the death of the 
 minister. He died at Villa Nueva de I'lnfantado, the 
 place of his birth, on the eighth day of Septemper, 1 645. *
 
 CONTENTS. 
 
 Notice of the Life of Quevedo, 7 
 
 Night First . . . The Demon, 11 
 
 Night Second . . . Death and her Palace, 33 
 
 Night Third . . . The Last Judgment, 56 
 
 Night Fourth . . . The Country and the Palace of 
 
 Love, 70 
 
 Night Fifth ... The World, 84 
 
 Night Sixth ... Hell, 101 
 
 Night Seventh . . . Reformation of Hell, 146 
 
 6
 
 THE 
 
 VISIONS OF aUEVEDO. 
 
 FIRST NIGHT. 
 
 THE DEMON. 
 
 The prayers of the church behig considered 
 as the most efficacious remedies that can be 
 employed against the possession of the devil, 
 a malady almost invincible, some wealthy in- 
 habitants of the country had brought into this 
 city of Seville, one of their relations, who was 
 thus afflicted, to confide his cure to a religious 
 of renowned sanctity; or, in other words, for 
 the purpose of having him exorcised. On the 
 day assigned for this operation, the possessed 
 was carried to the church of the Cordeliers, 
 Avhich very soon overflowed with spectators. 
 The gates having been shut before my arrival, 
 I engaged a religious of my acquaintance to 
 admit me. lie introduced me by the gate of 
 
 11
 
 12 TUT. de:\io>í. 
 
 the monastery ; but I had no sooner entered 
 tlie church, than I had reason to repent my 
 curiosity : I was hustled by the crowd, and 
 overcome with the heat. There my regards 
 were attracted by an unhappy M^etch, of an 
 ill figure, with wild eyes and dishevelled gar- 
 ments, his hands bound behind his back, and 
 uttering from time to time the most frightful 
 yells. TJicre was much impatience testified 
 to behold this holy priest, of whom I have 
 spoken, whose name was Jitan de Cardanas, 
 father of Barnadino de Cardanas, Capuchin, 
 and Bishop of Paragua, in America. After 
 the performance of mass, he found himself so 
 much indisposed, that they were obliged to 
 postpone the exorcism till another day. I 
 ii:jis_notsorry ; for , not partaki ng in the cre- 
 dulity oT't he ~ peop le, who ^"^p fteiTl'mpute 
 cpilepücaTc omplaiñts^ to the o p ^atlon ot de- 
 jnonsj I had for a long time been desirous^ of 
 personally verifying those things they relate 
 concerning the possessions of the devil. I 
 lost no time in visiting the relations of this 
 unhappy person, whom I shrewdly suspected 
 had recourse to this adroit method to rid
 
 THE DEMON. 13 
 
 themselves of the inconvenience of certain 
 pecadilloes he had been engaged in. I inspir- 
 ed them with sufficient confidence to obtain 
 permission to visit their lodgings the follow- 
 ing night, with a view of making such an ex- 
 amination as I should judge proper. I pre- 
 ferred this time to any other, that I might the 
 better conceal the defeat of my enterprize if 
 it should not succeed. 
 
 The night being come, I was introduced 
 into the chamber of the possessed whom 
 they had placed upon a bed in such a manner 
 that he could not rise. The presence of his 
 friends prevented me from the proposition of 
 certain questions I had meditated. The fol- 
 lowing will serve as a sample : 
 
 Is it possible to find out the philosopher's 
 stone? 
 
 Can the quadrature of the circle be disco- 
 vered ? 
 
 Is there an universal panacea for every dis- 
 ease ? 
 
 Is there among herbs, any simples which 
 can inspire love in women, or protect from 
 blows and wounds ? 
 
 B
 
 14 THE DEMON. 
 
 I had put in writing some other objects of 
 my curiosity ; but as it was not a convenient 
 time to propound them, I began to feel the 
 pulse of the possessed. It was frequent and 
 elevated: from time to time his eyes were 
 troubled ; and he had convulsive movements, 
 from which he suffered very much. 
 
 After having examined his body, I ex- 
 amined his mind, speaking to him in Greek, 
 Hebrew, Turkish, Indian, and even in the 
 Mexican tongue. He answered me always 
 very appropriately in Spanish, which con- 
 vinced me that he was in truth possessed with 
 a devil ; for although he spake not all lan- 
 guages, he nevertheless understood them, 
 which could not naturally happen without 
 study or travel. His relations assured me he 
 had done neither the one nor the other. 
 
 I demanded of the demon, what name he 
 had in hell ? 
 
 He answered, "that he had no other ap- 
 pellation than that of the emplojonent which 
 ^ he exercised in the world : that he had been 
 ^ for a long time in the service of ai Lalgua zil. in 
 5 whom he inspired all the chicanery and
 
 THE DEMON. 
 
 15 
 
 wickedness 
 people." 
 
 Het us remark here, that the word alguazil 
 is borrowed from the Moresco tongue, and 
 signifies in Spanish, a constable, a cryer, a 
 clerk, or other subaltern of justice. 
 
 " Why," said I to the demon, " are you 
 entered into the body of this man ?" 
 
 *' Because he was himself an alguazil, and 
 a person of a licentious life. After having 
 been banished from his paternal home, finding 
 himself necessitous, he asam ¿ated with alg^ ua- 
 zü s to ex tort money, under pretence of exe- 
 cuting the decrees oí justice, and in the arrest 
 embodies, \vhich he often abanaoneü lor small 
 suiTis! It was^io jhe execution of thig jbxisi- 
 nes fi. that he stole a silver cup from the hou se 
 oi!^ country curate, and subtracted a purse of 
 
 nriphnnHrprTdnrats fr nm thp n ocket of a man, 
 
 who, for the stun", was delivered froñPtTTé" 
 hands of justice." 
 
 I asked him if there were many of these 
 ])eople in hell ? 
 
 "Very many," answered he: *' th.g^^n- 
 stables have neither honour nor conscience ;
 
 10 THE DEMON. 
 
 ihoy drive their trade whether they know any 
 tiling of the matter or not : in that particular 
 they resemble the poets. You shall scarcely 
 tind in hell, a single poet, who will not tell 
 'you that he was sent there on account of the 
 versified lies he told in praise of some beauty. 
 The poetic spirit hath its origin in the dispo- 
 sition of the heart, to receive tender impres- 
 sions : it is the lover of heroism and romance ; 
 and to sustain this character, must necessarily 
 make use of much artifice. The old poets 
 serve as secretaries to young lovers ; the 
 young ones are ambitious of blazing as tlie 
 heroes of their own compositions. There 
 are so many poets in hell, that it can hardly 
 fail of aggrandizing their quarter. I wish to 
 speak in such a manner, that you may com- 
 prehend the nature of their occupations and 
 torments there ; but of which you cannot have 
 an adequate idea, unless I shall here adduce 
 some examples : — 
 
 " When these authors enter the subterra- 
 nean abodes, they look around for a Charon, 
 a dog Cerberus, a Rhadamanthus, a Pluto, 
 anil all the infernal divinities of fable. In
 
 THE DEMON. 17 
 
 place of that, the demons make them realize, 
 that this is a place much more horrible than 
 that: but this is not their severest punish- 
 ment ; they are forced to hear the composi- 
 tions of other poets, who are their superiors 
 in talent ; then they are tormented by jealousy ; 
 they hate the epigrams of Martial, the stanzas 
 of Catullus, the odes of Horace, the beauties 
 of Virgil, the satires of Juvenal, the comedies 
 of Terence, and the tragedies of Seneca. It 
 is thus also the historians suffer, when they 
 listen to the histories of Herodotus, of Titus, 
 Livy, of Sallust, and of Caesar. 
 
 "What a punishment for these rhymsters, 
 when they recollect their own works ! You 
 cannot imagine the pain they experience, in 
 finding a felicitous rhyme, a happy epithet, a 
 just pause, or an harmonious cadence : they 
 are more tormented by an a or an e, than Tan- 
 talus is by thirst, or the Italians are with their 
 jealousy, when they have Frenchmen at their 
 houses. And the comic poets, how are they 
 punished, for having filched away the reputa- 
 tion of so many princesses and queens of Cas- 
 tile, of Leon, of Arragon, and other places ! 
 B 2
 
 18 THE DEMOX. 
 
 This is as fertile a field for them, as all the 
 M-ars of tlie Moors of Granada ; but for these 
 larcenies, they sufier sharper agonies as Chris- 
 tians, than Avill ever be inflicted upon the bar- 
 barians and Mohammedans, for all their battles 
 and burnings, or upon the alguazils, even for 
 their violences and exactions. 
 
 " Behold, in review of the subject," said the 
 demon, who spake by the mouth of the pos- 
 sessed, " there is a much nearer resemblance 
 between poets and alguazils, than one would, 
 at a first glance, imagine." 
 
 " A fine comparison," said I, " for such a 
 false spirit as you !" 
 
 "■ How !" answered he, " are not poets and 
 alguazils both thieves ? and if you would but 
 confess it, you well know, that in making 
 these remarks of poets, I speak to a poet, 
 whom I wish to undeceive. Do you not re 
 collect the old Spanish proverb, He who never 
 composed two verses, had no wit ; and he zvho 
 produced four, was a fool V^ 
 
 " I confess," said I, " that to be a poet, one 
 must have an original turn of imagination ; and 
 the same qualification is necessary to a painter :
 
 THE DEMOK. 10 
 
 one would find it very difficult to assume, 
 without merit, the rank of Apelles and Michael 
 Angelo : but as they cannot justly call these 
 celebrated artists so generally admired, fools, 
 so neither do I believe they can accuse of folly 
 the great poets of Spain, of Italy, of France, 
 of Turkey, of Persia, and of China : for in all 
 these places they have made verses." 
 
 "Yes," said he, "and in all these places 
 there are fools, alguazils, painters, astrologers, 
 jealous or complaisant husbands, mountebanks, 
 perfumers, plagiaries, triflers, and slaves of 
 business or pleasure. All these, under pre- 
 text of pleasure or justice, steal, without com- 
 punction, the wealth of others." 
 
 " Oh !" said I to him, " I now reco^j iize 
 i n you a true demon ; .yrm delight to lie..__a nd 
 in c ryiiiff out th at all who serve the public rob 
 t hem, you enhance their reputatio n. Buftell 
 me v/hat robbery a magistrate commits, when 
 he obeys, and wishes to compel others to obey, 
 the laws of his prince? when, in fine, he dis- 
 tributes to every one justice ? Without justice, 
 which punishes and avenges, no one could en- 
 joy security in his o^vn house. A whole city
 
 20 THE DEMON. 
 
 might be given up to pillage, and become more 
 horrible than the hell you inhabit ; a state of 
 things which must excite a very just indigna- 
 tion among reasonable people ; that is, among 
 those who understand the principles of order, 
 equity, and natural right. And what a pic- 
 ture would every family offer ! Children op- 
 posing themselves to their fathers, and servants 
 against their masters ; brothers \AOuld make 
 laws for brothers, and mothers have no au- 
 thority over their daughters !" 
 
 " Behold," said the demon, " a superb de- 
 scription of the disorder which would happen, 
 if the gentlemen of justice did not make it their 
 duty to become the first robbers !" 
 
 " Do you call the pecuniary penalties they 
 impose, robbery ?" replied I. " They are wise- 
 ly- established as a check upon avarice and 
 usury, which are the ruin of families. The 
 fines they impose are regarded sometimes as 
 extortions ; but they are not so ; for if the 
 community provided not for the necessities of 
 all, do you believe that individuals would fur- 
 nish of themselves, what is necessary for the 
 republic ? do you believe thev would contri-
 
 THE DEMON. 21 
 
 biite without a demand ? There is not among 
 the officers of government, so much cupidity 
 and bad faith, as you charge them with. But 
 answer me : without their assistance, their care, 
 their vigilance, would there be any security 
 to emperors, kings, popes, and bishops in 
 their beds, or repose in their dignities ?" 
 
 " I have not," said the demon, " so bad a 
 tongue as you believe. I know, truly, all the 
 affairs of the world, and the state of every con- 
 dition in republics. In accusing the most of 
 mankind, I do them no injustice : and those 
 evils which you say would happen, without 
 the assistance of those who are appointed to 
 execute the laws, happen in spite of their wis- 
 dom. The worst of it is, they are brought 
 about by those very persons who are expected 
 to prevent it, and who are paid for that object. 
 Whence has it arisen that so many emperors 
 have been killed, so many kings dethroned, 
 so many popes declared anti-popes, so many 
 bishops dismissed, so many magistrates sup- 
 pressed, so many families ruined, so many 
 cities pillaged, so many provinces reduced to 
 famine ? It is by the ministers of justice, by
 
 22 THE DEMOX. 
 
 the overseers of administrations, that all these 
 things are done, either directly or indirectly : 
 directly, with a view to profit by the disorder ; 
 or indirectly, from a culpable inertness. How 
 do so many officers of the long robe contrive 
 to live ? They lengthen out their robes with 
 the pieces they snatch from the officers of the 
 short robes. A man who goes to law, may 
 be compared to him who orders a coat : he 
 will have a good coat, but yet not receive all 
 the stuff he delivered to his tailor. He will 
 take enough for two pair of sleeves, and two 
 fore parts ; he will take twice as many but- 
 tons, twice as much silk, binding, and lining, 
 as is necessary for one garment ; and you shall 
 have but one, when you ought to have two out 
 of the cloth you purchased. A Spanish gran- 
 dee, wishing to have a coat in the French 
 style, purchased as much cloth as the tailor 
 demanded of him, whom he also left at liber- 
 ty to take as much lining, assorted to the co- 
 lour of the cloth. After they had taken his 
 measure, he caused them to call the tailor, 
 and told him that he desired the lining of one 
 coat to be red, and that of the other yellow
 
 THE DEMON-. 23 
 
 *' ' How, my lord,' said the tailor, 'do you 
 wish me to make two coats, when you have 
 given me stuff but for one V 
 
 "'Yes; I do expect it,' said the grandee; 
 ' and if you do not make them both sufficient- 
 ly large, I will put you in a safe place.' 
 
 " The tailor, who feared the prison, made 
 two garments as long and large as they ought 
 to be, without purchasing another shred of 
 cloth. When he brought them home, the lord 
 caused all the stuff to be measured by an en- 
 gineer, in his service; he found that it yet 
 wanted half a quarter of an ell, besides the 
 little pieces he was forced to cut out for the 
 angles. This was not all ; the Spanish gran- 
 dee, whose name I can tell you, which was 
 Bon Pedro de Saccaso, wished that the mas- 
 ter tailor should pay him for two garments, 
 which he cabbaged out of stuff he had deliv- 
 ered him the preceding spring ; and as the 
 tailor cried out at this injustice, the grandee 
 refused to pay him for the fashion, lining, and 
 trimming of gold of these two last. Thus you 
 will comprehend," observed the demon, " in 
 what particular the people charged with the
 
 24 THE DEMON. 
 
 administration of justice resemble tailors, and 
 in what manner they are unjust, even in ren- 
 dering justice. In their suits they generally 
 make certain pieces of meadow or vineyard 
 the object of contention ; and if the parties 
 complain of want of money to pay their fees, 
 they take from them that which they demand 
 at their tribunal." 
 
 " So¿^jaidJio-the-demoii,Jlih£re_is^no 
 justicgupon earth!" 
 
 " No, no, there is none," added he ; " and 
 it is not to-day, that for the first time the com- 
 plaint has been uttered. The fable says, that 
 Astrea being come with truth among men, was 
 obliged to return to heaven, because no person 
 would receive her. Truth met with the same 
 fate, after having wandered through the world, 
 sometimes among the Egyptians, sometimes 
 among the Greeks, sometimes among the Ro- 
 mans, and sometimes even among the Cliinese ; 
 she was constrained, at length, to retire to the 
 house of a poor mute, who yet, by false and 
 equivocal signs, gave her to understand that 
 he wished to get rid of her company. She 
 then returned to the place from whence she
 
 THE DEMON". 25 
 
 came. Justice perceiving they would not tol- 
 erate her in courts, among the abodes of 
 princes, in palaces, or great cities, fled into 
 the villages, where, however, she did not tar- 
 ry a long time ; for the stewards of the lords, 
 that is, those ignorant stewards who seek but 
 to amass money with which to pay their 
 charges, gave her chase, and forced her to 
 regain her own country. The beauty of As- 
 trea, or Justice, resembles that of the stars — 
 shining, noble, and worthy of admiration ; but 
 this is only when beheld at a distance ; for 
 were you to approach too near to a star, al- 
 though it appears to you so diminutive, it 
 would consume you in an instant. Justice is 
 fair, but she is proud, austere, rigid, inexora- 
 ble, and no respecter of persons : she wishes 
 to be sought and beloved, but she loves not 
 one friend more than another ; and like love, 
 she travels a little in the rear. Is it possible 
 to find any thing more exact, more faithful, 
 more laborious, more submissive, more com- 
 plaisant, than a violent love ? It fails not in the 
 minutest particular ; it knows no concealment ; 
 nothing aopears diflicult to it ; it is always 
 C
 
 
 ^^"la^^i 
 
 THE DEMON. 
 
 I 
 
 ready to obey, accounting no toil disagreeable ; 
 ^ in the desire to please, it finds every thing 
 ^ just as it wishes. Justice does the same in 
 ^ another sense, for she meets with exactness 
 in the slightest circumstance : she is faithful 
 '^ in the least things; she is laborious, and fears 
 ^ no pain ; she is submissive to the laws which 
 ^ she imposes ; she is complaisant for herself, 
 and even sometimes appears unjust, so im- 
 ^ partial and rigorous is she. 
 
 "I suppose then," said I, "there are many 
 
 ¿ judges in hell, if what you say is correct, 
 
 -¿ which seems to me very probable." 
 
 jj " Y es^" replied the_i kmon , " they are th ere 
 
 in greatnumbe rs, and Ave ha\'e put thejji in 
 
 t lie same place with thieves and robbers, ^ One 
 
 circumstance that will surprise you, is, that 
 
 their multitude is as considerable as that of 
 
 the amorous ; although they have among the 
 
 former, only the men who were judges : and 
 
 among the latter, men and women who have 
 
 loved once at least in their lives." 
 
 " You wish to give me to understand," said 
 I to him, "that there are many lovers in hell; 
 but can that be? If men were damned for*
 
 THE DEMON. 27 
 
 this passion, no person should be exempt 
 from your infernal jurisdiction. But this 
 passion hath one great advantage ; it is con- 
 formable to the charity that men owe to one 
 another, and is always accompanied with re- 
 pentance, and certain remorse of conscience, 
 when it departs from those who have been 
 possessed. One sees young girls even, who 
 repent of their faults. How many religious 
 houses are founded by penitence ! how 
 many old coquettes give themselves up to de- 
 votion! how many men follow their exam- 
 ple, after love has fled with beauty, constitu- 
 tion, and wealth!" 
 
 "Sut," said the demon, "how many men 
 and women, young and old, die in their 
 amours, and count you for nothing the de- 
 spair, the chagrin, the secret pains under which 
 so many lovers have succumbed ? Know you 
 not that some temperaments are so affected by 
 this passion, that they quit it but with life? 
 If I should relate to you the histories of both 
 sexes perverted by the perusal of gallant ad- 
 ventures, and having no other desire in their 
 souls but to experience the like ; if I should
 
 28 THE DEMON. 
 
 cause you to see the occupations of these peo- 
 ple in hell, you would pity some, while you 
 could not help laughing at the folly of others. 
 You would see young men burning at the feet 
 of their mistresses; and old ones, who, to 
 please theirs, are continually shaving them- 
 selves, or plucking out their beard, and who put 
 on bland perukes, to give themselves a youth- 
 ful appearance ; young girls, who imagine 
 themselves to be Cleopatras, Artemisias, and 
 Clelias ; old coquettes, who paint themselves 
 continually before their glass, who torment 
 their locks, tightening the forehead-clotli to 
 efface the wrinkles, and adjusting to the mouth 
 artiñcial teeth of ivory or wax : but all their 
 cases are lost, since there is nothing- substan- : 
 tial in the other w^orld. You would be as- i 
 tonished, if I were to point out to you all the S 
 girls who have taken certain means to hide ■ 
 the efi'ects of their love sports. It would of 
 necessity be seen, how many surgeons and 
 pliysicians follow in their train ; and if any 
 one should inquire why these people are in 
 hell, who have rendered such universal ser- 
 vice, I answer, because they ouglit not to
 
 THE DEMON. 29 
 
 afford assistance to every one. Can they, for 
 instance," added he, " conscientiously adminM 
 ister those remedies to cause hemorrhage^ 
 which end in abortion ?" 
 
 And as I was about to observe, that the 
 physicians could not be cognizant of a malady 
 which they would not discover — 
 
 " I understand you," interrupted the de- 
 mon : "be sure they know well enough, with- 
 out that ; at any rate, it is their duty to know, 
 or to suspect." 
 
 " But," said I to him, " is there not another 
 secret you have omitted, of similar effect to 
 the assistance of the physicians ?" 
 
 " Yes," he answered : " there are the poi- 
 soners, sorcerers, and adroit women, who 
 teach these mysteries ; and there are some in 
 hell who yet continue this infamous practice." 
 
 " You would have it understood," said I, 
 " that you are a good devil ; a devil of honour 
 and conscience : you would make a good 
 preacher ; the flock would doubtless edify by 
 your sermons." 
 
 " Be persuaded," said he, " that if I preach 
 not agreeable things, I announce wholesome
 
 30 THE DEMON 
 
 truths : believe also, that I have many preach- 
 ers dependent upon me. ' Who are they V 
 you inquire. They are those who preach for 
 their own glory, to establish a reputation, to 
 acquire celebrity, to gain benefices, and levy 
 contributions upon poor devotees. They com- 
 mit wickedness in doing good to others ; in 
 teaching and edifying them. If we lose the 
 hearers through the instrumentality of their 
 discourses, we gain the pastors, which is more 
 honourable to us. Finally, I declare to you, 
 that it is by the order of God, that I speak to 
 you before all these persons : I warn you, in 
 particular, that you are lost, unless you aban- 
 don all the projects of ambition you have 
 formed, and unless you renounce poetry, 
 which is at the same time so agreeable and 
 fatal. 
 
 " Draw near," said he, to an old man, a 
 relation of the possessed : " restore the three 
 farms you illegally detain. You, young man, 
 imitate Hercules no more with your strength 
 and intrigue ; Hercules is dead ; you may find 
 men who will kill you. — You old judge of 
 the village, you have a very delicate and peril-
 
 THE DEMON. 31 
 
 ous charge : you were the valet of the lord of 
 the domain ; you have preserved in your new 
 station, the spirit of servitude, which is not 
 sympathetic with justice. The petition of 
 your ancient master, you stupid wretch. The 
 three peasants who have bound and strangled 
 the helpless patient upon his bed, are those 
 who enjoy the benefit. It is now six years 
 since the farm-house of their master was con- 
 sumed with fire : they ought to be punished 
 for these crimes. — As to those young ladies, 
 they would do well not to admit, for the future, 
 the two strangers, whom they entertain every 
 evening in their chambers, and whom they in- 
 troduce by the garden. Profit, all of you, by 
 what you have now heard : I shall speak to 
 you no more, for to-morrow the priest comes 
 to exorcise me, and I shall depart from the 
 body of this subject, it being the will of God 
 that I should go forth, to attest his power and 
 the glory of his name." 
 
 The demon having finished this discourse, 
 took pleasure in tormenting the possessed, 
 and making him utter moving cries. I feared 
 the neighbourhood would be alarmed, and
 
 32 THE CEMON. 
 
 that some one would recognize me in a 
 place where I could not be with honour. In 
 returning to my house, I reflected upon the 
 wisdom of God, who draweth good from evil, 
 .and causeth demons to speak as angels of 
 light. The prophet hath also remarked, that 
 divine Providence disposeth things in such a 
 manner, that the hands of our enemies can 
 conduce to our welfare. This is the first pos- 
 sessed I ever saw in the course of my life, 
 and the first time I ever conversed with a de- 
 mon. God grant that I may never behold 
 another, neither in this world, nor in the 
 world to come !
 
 DEATH AND IIER PALACE. 33 
 
 SECOND NIGHT 
 
 DEATH AND HER PALACE. 
 
 There are those who affirm that none 
 but the wicked are subjected to unpleasant 
 thoughts. I have been acquainted with many 
 persons, but I could never find one who was 
 not ready to confess, there were moments of 
 sadness that invaded the soul, the cause of 
 which they could not explain. These spring, 
 sometimes from a vicious temperament : the 
 humours mixing themselves with the blood, 
 carry to the brain those spirits that trace upon 
 the imagination frightful and whimsical figures, 
 from whence come those disagi-eeable dreams 
 and visions that surprise us in the night. 
 Dreajns proceed often fro m heaven, often 
 fr om^ the devil , and frequently from natural 
 j?auses ; thus we ha\^thoughts ol death, alter 
 conversation on the subject, or having read a 
 book that treated of it. To speak plainly, it 
 seems that Providence sends us such dreams, 
 for the purpose of forcing our attention to the 
 consideration ^f those subjects we are gener-
 
 34 DEATH AND HER PALACE. 
 
 ally reluctant to reflect upon. Such is, with- 
 out doubt, the origin of this I have had con- 
 cerning death. 
 
 I read one night before retiring, the verse 
 of Lucretius, one of the most learned men, 
 and best poets of antiquity. I found an emi- 
 nently beautiful passage, where he says, that 
 all nature, with one consent, elevating her 
 voice, speaks thus to mankind: — "Why, O 
 mortals, do you groan for such a length of 
 time, and why are you so sharply afflicted ? 
 Why do you submit to the slavery of flying 
 from death, and the fear thereof? Why do 
 you continually reflect upon the pleasures of 
 youth? The enjoyments of this season have 
 passed with the days you regret, as grain es- 
 capes from a sack, from whence it finds an 
 issue. You are fatigued with the world ; why 
 do you not quit it, as one who returns satis- 
 fied from a feast, where the viands were ex- 
 quisite, and the pleasure of the highest flavour ? 
 You are convicted of a strange folly : it is in 
 your power to enjoy tranquillity ; why not, 
 then, seize upon possession ? Why fear death . 
 tViat^H]] vp^-,^pr ymi iri Yiilnerable ?J '
 
 DEATH AND HER PALACE. 35 
 
 Such are the sentiments of the poet, and 
 they appear like those of a saint ; but this is 
 nature, or rather, natural reason, teaching us 
 that death is not so frightful as we are apt to 
 imagine ; and I am not therefore surprised, 
 that heathen philosophers have exhibited so 
 constant an example of exalted morality. 
 
 Likewise I remember what Job has said 
 upon the brevity of human life, and the swift 
 arrival of death. " The life of man," says 
 this illustrious patriarch, " is of short duration : 
 it is a flower, that before it is scarcely blown, 
 is despoiled of its leaves : it is a shadow, which 
 flies with the rapidity of the wind, without 
 remaining stationary a single moment ;" and 
 yet, íTT^gpitP of itfí Virpvi't y, Ufe is subj ect t o so 
 mu c h calamity, that it is doubtful whether it 
 shmild- jiot rather be called m isery. th aja»lifer~N 
 
 Indulging in these grave meditations, I 
 threw myself upon my bed, and slept. My 
 spirit was free from external impressions. I 
 thought there came into the places where my 
 fancy had transported me, a great multitude 
 of physicians, mounted upon mules, the hous- 
 ings of which, were clothes of the dead. In
 
 36 DEATH AND HER PALACE. 
 
 the suit of these physicians, \vho had an air 
 of sourness and chagrin, followed a crowd of 
 apothecaries, surgeons, and young barbers, 
 who carried the drugs or instruments pertain- 
 ing to their professions. When the physicians 
 had descended from their mules, they began 
 to dance a ballet, to the sound of the mortars 
 and sieves the apothecaries and their adjuncts 
 played upon. This ballet was interspersed 
 with songs, in which the physicians took the 
 upper part ; the words of one of them were 
 as follows : — 
 
 " Catholicum, rhubarbarae, opiata, theriaca, 
 Opoponach, O opium, O laudanum anodinum, 
 Polj'chrestum diureticum, senne anisatura. " 
 
 Two young physicians performed the air in 
 these words : — 
 
 " Recipe, recipe, recipe, recipe senne, 
 Dragmas duas, dragmas duas, dragmas duas, 
 
 Semi-dragmum rhei clectae, 
 
 Scrupulum unum poiychresti, 
 Infundantur, percolentur, hauriantur. 
 
 Hora sexta matutina, 
 Recipe, recipe, recipe, etc. " 
 
 Two surgeons answered to that, seca ; ure ;
 
 DEATH AND HER PALACE. 37 
 
 that is to say, cut, burn; and directly both 
 joined in chorus — these repeating recipe, the 
 others ure, and the last dancing. 
 
 This troop having sat, there entered another 
 composed of newsmongers, and people who 
 followed them to learn what was transacted 
 abroad in England, France, Holland, Italy, 
 and other places. After these entered soli- 
 citors, stewards of noble estates, soldiers, 
 priests, and other persons whom I did not 
 know. This cavalcade was terminated by a 
 woman of monstrous stature, meagre, pale, and 
 having a very extraordinary equipage. Her 
 head dress consisted of crowns, tiaras, elec- 
 toral bonnets, mitres, red and black hats, hats 
 of stravv^, turbans, and bonnets of wool and 
 silk : upon one side of the head, she had her 
 hair curled and powdered; upon the other, 
 shaven after the fashion of monks. Her 
 robe was tissue of thread, wool, and silk, orna- 
 mented with trimmings of gold and silver, 
 chaplets, precious stones, and pearls : she had 
 upon her feet and legs, shoes of iron, wood, 
 and leather : she bore upon a sceptre, a shep' 
 herd's crook, a scythe, and a great club : she 
 D 
 
 431115
 
 38 DEATH AND HER PALACE. 
 
 had one eye open, and the other shut ; and 
 carried, pendant from her neck, a sand box, 
 with crosses of the order of Saint James, of 
 the Holy Ghost, and the medals of other mili- 
 tary orders : her gait was alternately slow, 
 then quick and precipitate. She approached 
 my bed, and said, " Arise, Chevalier, follow 
 me !" 
 
 "But, before I follow thee," replied I, " in- 
 form me who you are." 
 
 "I am Btathr answered she; "follow 
 me !" 
 
 "Is it your pleasure, then, that I should 
 die?" 
 
 " No, no ! follow me, and leave behind thy 
 garment; for a person is not to be clothed 
 when he follows Death. I will show you my 
 empire, and my subjects. I am the queen 
 of queens, the empress of sovereigns, the 
 sovereign of the human race ; and the powers 
 of earth are but my inspectors." 
 
 "How!" exclaimed I, "dare you to say 
 the king of Spain is your inspector? he 
 who possesses so many territories in trie 
 world?"
 
 DEATH AND HER PALACE. 39 
 
 "Follow, follow," said Death; "I will 
 show you." 
 
 Immediately all those who were there, 
 went out in the same order they had entered : 
 Death following the rear of the procession, 
 and I following Death. 
 
 We traversed vast plains and deserts, which 
 resembled cemetries, or fields of battle, covered 
 with dead. Directly I perceived, at a distance, 
 an immense castle, built in the antique style ; 
 and when I had drawn near, J nhs prvpjd ^hgt 
 thajiLaj£mla.ja:£reaijDihing^bu^^^ 
 e d i wi it h blood and a pothecaries' drugs. The 
 three porters in the court were very pleasant 
 to the sight. The first resembled a harlequin 
 assuming divers attitudes, and having upon 
 his habits the figures of kingdoms and pro- 
 vinces of the earth ; in such a fashion, in- 
 deed, that I seemed to look upon a geogra- 
 phical map : his name was the World. The 
 second, who called himself the Flesh, was 
 naked, like those figures of Priapus one sees 
 upon medals. The third was armed, cap a 
 pie, in gold and silver, like a curassier. They 
 told me those three cruards were the enemies
 
 40 DEATH AND HER PALACE. 
 
 of the world, and the porters of Death. The 
 pavement of the court was of human sculls, as 
 well as that of the chambers : these sculls 
 were arranged in such a manner, that they 
 resembled a chess board; some being white, 
 and others, having the hair upon them, ap- 
 peared black. In the middle of this court 
 was a fountain of tears : the figures about the 
 basin, represented Uneasiness, Envy, Jea- 
 lousy, Despair, Knavery, Sickness, Medicine, 
 War, Revenge, and Love. The tapestries of 
 the chambers were all upon particular sub- 
 jects. One might see in one piece, people 
 \ contracting marriage; in another, lawyers 
 E pleading a case ; in this, merchants preparing 
 f^ for bankruptcy ; in that, honest thie ves up on 
 P ^le grand tou r, strippin p ^ the peasan try. The 
 others represented an ecclesiastic, wTTo, dying 
 } in his bed, has, in his last moments, the satis- 
 faction of seeing his house pillaged ; a courier 
 riding from Madrid to Rome, to solicit a bene- 
 fice ; a tiler falling from the roof of a house ; a 
 drunken sailor precipitating himself from his 
 vessel into the sea; a house burning with 
 such rapidity, that its master is consumed in
 
 DEATH AND HER PALACE» 4 1 
 
 the flames ; in fine, one might th«re perceive 
 every species of human death. 
 
 But none of these impressed me with so 
 much horror, as the paintings in fresco under 
 the grand portico. There were here servants 
 who strangled their master to obtain his mo- 
 ney; children who assassinated their father, 
 to come more speedily into possession of his 
 property; subjects who kill their king, after 
 having pronounced his condemnation ; a wo- 
 man who poisons her husband ; and a mistress 
 who does the same to her lover, to revenge 
 his infidelity. 
 
 In the middle of this gallery, was a colos- 
 sal figure, representing Ingratitud e, and ele- 
 vated upon a pedestal; the relief of which 
 presented on the one side Cruelty, on the 
 second Infidelity, on the third Interest, on the 
 fourth Ambition. The base was ornamented 
 with sculptural emblems of sporting cupids, 
 satyrs, lions, and cats. 
 
 After having traversed the whole extent of 
 
 this apartment. Death entered into a grand 
 
 and magnificent hall ; the sable hangings of 
 
 which were sown with white drops, like the 
 
 d2
 
 42 DEATH AND HER PALACE. 
 
 ornaments commonly seen on monuments in 
 burying places. In this hall stood a throne 
 composed of dead men's bones, and which 
 appeared like ivory : four leg bones formed 
 the supporters ; two arms, with their hands, 
 the arms of the seat ; a spinal bone, with 
 those of the thighs, composed the back part ; 
 the two pommels above were two sculls, and 
 the seat was of other bones. It was ascended 
 by four steps, the first of which was called 
 infancy i the second youth, the third manhood^ 
 and the fourth old age. D eath being s eated, 
 the whole medic al corps rang^^ t>ip|T^sp1vpq 
 on eit her eidn. th ^^thers bein g seated at their 
 Jeet. ^ 
 
 Death spake for some time upon the limits 
 of life, and of the grandeur of her empire : she 
 finished her discourse by observing that there 
 was but one way of coming into existence, 
 but many ways of quitting it. She then gave 
 a general order for the dead to appear, and 
 all at once I saw them fall from the wainscot, 
 and come from the walls and pavement. 
 *' Speak," said the queen, " each in turn." 
 
 The first who commenced, said, " I am
 
 DEATH AND HER PALACE. 43 
 
 Romulus, first king of Rome ; my ministers 
 not being able to tolerate my government, 
 wished to change it ; they caused me to be 
 assassinated, and a report spread, that I had, 
 in their presence, been translated to heaven." 
 
 " I am," said another, " Caesar, first em- 
 peror of the Romans : the senate caused me 
 to perish by the hand of my adopted son." 
 
 A third, " I am the emperor Claudius, poi- 
 soned by my vv^ife." 
 
 A fourth, "I am Alexander the great ; I 
 died in the very bosom of a debauch." 
 
 A fifth, " I am Codrus, king of the Athe- 
 nians ; I died for my country." 
 
 *' And I," exclaimed a sixth, "am Charles 
 thejifthy whose bones my son exhumed, and 
 burnt." 
 
 In like manner appeared many of the illus- 
 trious dead, now confounded with all kinds 
 of people. When they had spoken, they 
 formed a great circle, in the midst of which I 
 perceived a large bottle, from whence issued 
 a voice, that said, " I am that famous necro- 
 mancer, the great magician of Europe. I 
 caused myself to be cut in pieces by one of
 
 44 DEATH AND HER PALACE. 
 
 my servants, and shut up in this vessel, ex- 
 pecting my members would re-unite, and 
 my body be renewed in its pristine youth ; I 
 kncM' not whether the secret was false, or 
 if he neglected to follow strictly my or- 
 ders ; but after boiling a long time, I form- 
 ed only a gross, misshapen, and lifeless 
 mass." 
 
 " You then were of opinion," said death, 
 " that the soul was but a subtle fire; a flame 
 that could animate your body, and repair 
 itself!" 
 
 " Yes," answered the necromancer. 
 
 " Close the vessel again," said death. 
 
 When all the by-standers had been heard, 
 they were required to put their names upon a 
 great book ; and while they were writing, I 
 saw the bottle move towards me. The necro- 
 mancer within immediately commenced a con- 
 versation with me ; inquiring, " who reigns 
 in Spain ? Does Venice yet exist ? What is 
 the news in France ? Are the Calvinists con- 
 stantly triumphant ?" 
 
 I answered him, " Philip IV. reigns in 
 Spain; Venice is still beautiful, rich, and
 
 DEATH AND HER PALACE. 45 
 
 powerful : the Calvinists and their king are 
 always invincible." 
 
 He then besought me to break the bottle. 
 As I hesitated, not being without certain 
 qualms of fear, it swelled, and burst of itself. 
 I then saw what it had contained expand into 
 a human form, and rising up, resumed the 
 discourse in this manner : — 
 
 *' As it is impossible for me to return again 
 into the world, place us henceforth among 
 the dead magicians." 
 
 In the place of the bottle, there appeared 
 an old man with a great head and a long 
 beard : he was of a grave mein, and held a 
 globe in his hand. 
 
 " I am," said he, " Nestradamus, that great 
 French astrologer, who predicted, during my 
 life, every thing that has since happened." 
 
 *' How," said I, " are you he that composed 
 those famous centuries, which, after death, 
 were found in your tomb? Resolve me, I 
 pray you, one of your prophecies now in my 
 mind : — 
 
 " ' The sign of Aries shall the world command ; 
 Taurus shall rule the waves and solid land ;
 
 46 DEATH AND HER PALACE. 
 
 Mother and sire the virgin shall deceive, 
 
 The mother's breasts the tender twins shall leave.' " 
 
 " That," said the astrologer, " is as clear as 
 the light of day ; and signifies, that married 
 men shall frequently resemble rams : the love 
 of woman, represented by the bull, shall min- 
 gle itself with affairs of every kind ; the 
 daughter divert herself spite of the advice of 
 her father, and the sons laugh at maternal ex- 
 postulation." 
 
 "And this, what is its signification?" de- 
 manded I : — 
 
 " ' Mothers soon shall children bear, 
 Who to name no sire shall dare; 
 None of all the babes they bear, 
 E'er shall lack a father's care.' " 
 
 "That is equally easy of explanation. I 
 wish to convey the idea, that many children 
 shall call those fathers, who are not so ; and 
 shall have fathers whom they will never dis- 
 cover." 
 
 He would have departed, after explaining 
 these two prophecies ; but I stopped him, 
 entreating him only to tell me the meaning of 
 this last : —
 
 DEATH AND HER PALACE. 47 
 
 " 'Before another year is born, 
 Many a goose quill shall be worn ; 
 Many a quill the ether bear, 
 Many a man shall dance in air ; 
 Men shall sorely rue the attack. 
 Of grey goose quill and Doctor Quack ; 
 Merchants be in bankrupt plight, 
 Nobles turn to blackguards quite ; 
 Province, city, town, and village, 
 Soon shall soldiers sack and pillage ; 
 Lads and lasses soon shall try, 
 What darkness hides from every eye ; 
 No more shall widows' weeds endure ; 
 The cloister virgins shall immure.' " 
 
 *' That signifies," said Nostradamus, who 
 was in haste to depart, " that one half of the 
 world shall pillage the other ; the people o f 
 jttetiee-sJ3¿l]j^ob^b¿;jheÍjL4^ ; false witnesses 
 Avill support themselves by hanging upon 
 their skirts ; th e physicians will kill with 
 physic , and be well paid for it ; the merchants 
 thrive by bankruptcy ; nobles shall be ruined 
 by their stewards ; the soldiers will lay all 
 under contribution ; children shall rob one 
 another ; widows contract new nuptials, and 
 to enjoy the portions of their daughters, make-
 
 48 DEATH AND HER PALACE. 
 
 nuns of them. Let go !" — and he hastily left 
 me. 
 
 I then perceived before me a good old man, 
 of a very sad aspect, vi^ho demanded if I was 
 dead? 
 
 " No," answered I ; *' living, and at your 
 service." 
 
 "Good!" said he; "I expect a favour of 
 you. You must know, I am called Tliey. I 
 also bear the appellation of Somebody y of An- 
 other, of a certain Personage, of Author, and 
 of / know who. While I lived in the world, 
 I was accused of having said and done every 
 thing which could not be traced : if a false 
 report was circulated, it was they who had 
 broached it: if any one was found assassin- 
 ated in the high way, it was they who had 
 killed him : if there was a man with a bad 
 face, this was somebody: if it was imprudent 
 to name a person in an affair, they called him 
 a certain person : if a writer advanced bold 
 things, this was an author, who had s]>oken 
 on the first impression: and, finally, when 
 the author was entirely concealed, it was / 
 know who, that had said or acted thus and
 
 DEATH AND HER PALACE. 49 
 
 SO. All this time I neither said nor did any- 
 thing; I appeared no where; I knew not 
 what passed, and kept house both day and 
 night ; the chagrin of seeing myself in so bad 
 repute, fairly put an end to my existence. I 
 demand, therefore, of you, to vindicate me to 
 your friends, and those persons over whom 
 you have any influence, that they may not in 
 future charge me with any thing ; for, since I 
 am dead, I can of course have nothing more 
 to do with the world " 
 
 I promised the old gentleman I would re- 
 member what he desired, and he retired con- 
 tented. At this moment a young woman com- 
 mg up to me, fell upon my n€ck, exclaiming, 
 "My dear ^Eneas, have you at length arrived ! 
 I have for a long time wished to see you. Vir- 
 gil hath spoken very illy of you : he has pub- 
 lished a history of our loves, which we knew 
 nothing of: I have sought you among all the 
 dead, without being able to find you ; but I 
 know, from your air, that you are iEneas ; 
 for, as you have been the greatest and most 
 illustrious of heroes, so here you surpass all 
 the dead in demeanour and beauty." 
 E
 
 50 DEATH AND HER PALACE. 
 
 As the surprise I felt at this unmerited com- 
 pliment prevented answer, she continued to 
 speak, and embraced me so vehemently, that 
 I was compelled to cry out. 
 
 "Peace, there !" commanded the officer of 
 the chamber, who was called Silence. 
 
 I still continued to bawl out ; and said to 
 Madame Dido, " O Queen of Carthage ! will 
 you not be undeceived ? I am Don Francisco 
 de Quevedo de Villegas, Chevalier of the or- 
 der of Saint James !" 
 
 "Behold!" replied the queen, "behold 
 this drunkard, who, being a Trojan, would 
 fain pass himself off for a Spaniard ! Go, 
 pious iEneas ; Virgil hath done thee no great 
 wrong in describing thee as thou art. Where 
 is thy Palladium ? thy nurse ? thy son Asca- 
 nias ? where are thy companions ? why are 
 you here without attendants ?" 
 
 " Be not disquieted," said I : " address 
 yourself to Charon ; he would know you as 
 well as iEneas, who abandoned you in Africa ; 
 that was a meet punishment for your prudery: 
 but you have not yet been able to forget a 
 man. who surrendered his native city to the
 
 DEATH AND HER PALACE. 51 
 
 Greeks, and fled from his ruined country. 
 You are a victim of love !" 
 
 " And you," said she, retiring, " are very 
 credulous !" 
 
 The officer again commanded silence, and 
 before I had time to add any thing more, I 
 saw approaching a dead person of great size, 
 with horns upon his head, and who ran 
 towards me as though he was going to strike 
 with them. I stretched out my arms to de- 
 fend myself, and perceiving near me a large 
 fork, that supported the tapestry, I took it in 
 my hand, and firmly awaited his onset. 
 
 " Do you recognize," said he, " Don Diego 
 Moreno, whom you have called in your poems 
 Signor Cornuto ?" 
 
 " Yes," replied I ; " and to convince you, 
 that I neither fear you, living nor dead, take 
 in advance a blow with this fork ;" and at 
 that endeavoured to run him through, but his 
 bones were too hard. Moreno then gave me 
 a blow with his head, and casting himself 
 upon me, threw me down : I stuck to his 
 sides, inserting my fingers into the openings 
 beneath the sternum, and as he arose, came
 
 52 DEATH AND HER PALACE. 
 
 up with him. This noise causing considera- 
 ble confusion in the assembly, I saw coming 
 upon me, a great number of the dead, armed 
 in the same manner with Moreno ; and as 
 they pressed upon one another, each anxious 
 to pass his neighbour, their bones made a very 
 curious clicking. In the mean time, others 
 marshalled themselves in front, to protect me 
 from their assault. 
 
 During these transactions, Death sat upon 
 her throne in silence, attentive only to the in- 
 scription of her subjects names ; and as the 
 secretaries happened to finish at a moment 
 when there was a slight cessation in our tu- 
 mult, the officer cried — 
 
 " Peace — listen !" 
 
 "I seized this occasion to demand justice 
 of the queen. 
 
 "I supplicate your sovereign majesty," said 
 I, " to do me justice on Diego Moreno, who 
 has insulted me in this palace ; striking me 
 with his horns, knocking me down, and excit- 
 ing against me the whole host of cuckolds." 
 
 " What defence do you make to this accu- 
 sation, Moreno ?" asked the queen.
 
 DEATH AND HER PALACE. 53 
 
 " Mighty and wan princess," replied he, 
 "behold the man who caused me to pass in 
 the world as a Vulcan, or a faun : I have 
 always lived pleasantly with my wife, never 
 objecting to the French method, of receiving 
 at her house priests, soldiers, lawyers, politi- 
 cians, merchants, and strangers of every coun- 
 try. As the house had a great deal of good 
 company, where nothing was wanting, al- 
 though my wife was no expense to me, I 
 found it very convenient ; and because I pro- 
 fited by the follies of others, because I made 
 that a part of my revenue, because I took ad- 
 vantage of my wife's friends, to amass an es- 
 tate for my children, the chevalier Que vedo 
 derided me, rendering me ridiculous by his 
 poems, and representing me as the prince of 
 accommodating husbands ; he called me a 
 ram, and made me one of the signs of the zo- 
 diac : not content with that, he even comes 
 hither, and strikes me with a fork. I de- 
 mand that he should be retained here, and 
 that he be put in a situation during his 
 slumbers, that will eifectually prevent his 
 waking." 
 
 E 2
 
 54 DEATH AND HER PALACE. 
 
 " Which of the two began the affray ?" said 
 death. 
 
 " It was I," answered Moreno. 
 
 " We ordain then, that the name and me- 
 mory of Moreno shall never be forgotten in 
 Spain; that his grave shall be opened, and 
 his compatriots, if any yet exist, shall make 
 a pilgrimage, to render homage to his ashes." 
 
 After that, they called over the names of 
 the dead ; and as they were called, they an- 
 swered oí/sw/t?, "I am here." Hearing my 
 own name pronounced, which was also that 
 of my uncle and god-father, I answered, as the 
 others, adsum ; at which mistake Moreno ta- 
 king advantage to laugh at me, I hit him a 
 heavy blow with my fist upon his head ; but 
 I hurt myself more than him, for I almost 
 broke my fingers. Moreno cast himself upon 
 me ; I stood firm, and thus we were again 
 engaged in a new combat. They endeavoured 
 to separate us, but I had entangled my hands 
 in such a manner, in the bones of his arras, 
 that I could not withdraw them ; and as they 
 pulled me on one side, and him on the other, 
 it gave me such exquisite pain, that I awoke,
 
 DEATH AND HER PALACE. 55 
 
 happy and thankful to find myself in my bed. 
 I reviewed in my mind all I had seen and 
 heard, and which is here reported. 
 
 This vision made such a forcible impres- 
 sion upon my imagination, that I yet seem to 
 behold the palace of death, the audience of 
 the dead, and Moreno pouncing upon me : 
 finally, I made many reflections upon what I 
 had seen. It is but too true, that all mankind 
 must die ; that we are surrounded with con- 
 stant peril ; that there is but one thing that 
 can insure a tranquil death, and that is, a 
 blameless life. But to live well, one must of- 
 ten think of death. I believe the dream I 
 have just rehearsed, was inspired by heaven ; 
 for otherwise I should hardly have thought 
 upon my latter end, not even when my life 
 was peculiarly exposed amidst wars and bat- 
 tle. At present, I reflect without ceasing ; I 
 have totally abandoned trifling and poetry, 
 which are synonymous ; and, thanks to God, 
 have more satisfaction in reading books of de- 
 votion, than romances and histories.
 
 56 THE LAST JIJDG:vrENT. 
 
 THIRD NIGHT. 
 
 THE LAST JUDGMENT. 
 
 I HAVE read in Homer, that areams come 
 from Jupiter; and that this cannot be doubted, 
 especially when they regard things of import- 
 ance. I verily believe those of kings and 
 princes proceed from on high : but I will sub- 
 stitute the true God in place of Jupiter, who 
 is but a fabulous divinity. The vision I had 
 last year, could not have been derived from 
 any other than a heavenly source. Behold 
 the events that passed : I was reading the 
 book of the blessed Hypolitus, which treats 
 of the end of the world, and of the coming of 
 God, to judge the quick and the dead, the just 
 and the unjust. I fell asleep over this book, 
 sitting in a large easy chair. All at once, I 
 thought I saw a noble young man, of extraor- 
 dinary beauty, flying through the air, having 
 at his mouth a trumpet, that sounded far and 
 wide. When he had made five or six great 
 circuits, I perceived soldiers starting from
 
 THE LAST JUDGMENT. 57 
 
 their graves, full of courageous animation, 
 thinking they heard the signal of battle. Upon 
 the other hand, the misers started up, in ter- 
 ror, lest thieves had come to rob. The cour- 
 tiers imagined that they enjoyed the agitations 
 of the ring, or of a carousal. No one had the 
 least idea that it announced the last judgment. 
 I was strongly tempted to laugh at seeing the 
 maimed, the one-eyed, the blind, seeking the 
 one their arms or legs, and the other their 
 eyes. I was equally amused, to perceive the 
 clerks unwilling to resume their heads, the 
 slanderers their tongues, and the old women 
 their throats. 
 
 After all these had come forth, and arrived 
 in an immense and smooth valley, very pro- 
 per for so grand a spectacle, I saw appear 
 people of every art and trade ; likewise the 
 men of letters, among whose ranks there ap- 
 peared a very considerable embarrassment. 
 Each community placed itself separately ; 
 each religion had also its sectaries apart : such 
 as Christians, Jews, Mahometans, Pagans, 
 Heretics, and Schismatics. All the people 
 being classed and placed, a judge presented
 
 58 THE LAST JUDGMENT. 
 
 himself, accompanied by twelve counsellors, 
 who seated themselves near his throne ; be- 
 neath them were the prophets, in the capacity 
 of advocates. Immediately a loud flourish of 
 trumpets was heard, as if an army of cavalry 
 approached, and legions of shining angels ap- 
 peared, who poised themselves with their 
 wings, above those men to whom they had 
 been guardians. That done, the archangel 
 Michael, came and placed himself at the foot 
 of the throne, upon which the judge was seat- 
 ed, having in his hand a naked sword, and 
 beneath his feet a prostrate devil, as he is re- 
 presented in churches, and called the auditors 
 each by his name. 
 
 Adam answered first ; he was accused by 
 his demon, with having eaten an apple, con- 
 trary to the commands of his God ; with hav- 
 ing neglected the gifts he had received at his 
 creation; with having cast the blame upon 
 his wife ; with having had a bad son, and of 
 other faults which I do not distinctly remem- 
 ber. But I very well recollect, that these re- 
 proaches produced such confusion in him, 
 that he could answer nothing : his good angel
 
 THE LAST JUDGMENT. 59 
 
 answered for him ; he confessed the matters of 
 which his party was accused; he set forth 
 the excess and duration of his penitence ; the 
 agonies he had suffered from the decree that 
 involved his posterity, the goods which God 
 had seen born of his sin ; in fine, he plead- 
 ed with such ability, that his client was 
 acquitted. 
 
 When they called Judas, Herod, and Pilate, 
 their crimes were so glaring, that they could 
 neither defend themselves, nor would any an- 
 gel speak in their favour; and they were 
 accordingly condemned. After them, were 
 examined the most noted heretics, and neither 
 could they obtain pardon. 
 
 Presently there appeared a number of pa- 
 gan philosophers, among whom, I distinguish- 
 ed the seven sages of Greece, with Plato, 
 Zeno, Socrates, Aristotle, and others : there 
 were also Mercury, Trismegistus, an Egyp- 
 tian, Sanconianthon, a Phenician, and Con- 
 fucius, a Chinese. The majority of these 
 avowed, that they had adored no other than 
 the true God. The judge demanded, if they 
 had given him all the glory, and rendered to
 
 60 THE LAST JUDGMENT. 
 
 him all the honour that was his due. They 
 answered nothing, and were not exculpated. 
 
 The corps of artists next presented them- 
 selves : some of them were justified, but 
 by far the greatest part were condemned 
 for larcenies, frauds, surprises, and infi- 
 delities. 
 
 The men of letters then had their turn : 
 many of them were charged with having taught 
 and written contrary to their real opinions. 
 The poets made every one laugh, on asserting, 
 that when they spoke of Jupiter, of gods and 
 goddesses, they meant the true God, saints, 
 and saintesses : that they had never seriously 
 deified the king of Candia, nor the first king 
 of Egypt, nor the queens of Cyprus and Sici- 
 ly ; that if these people had become idolaters, 
 they ought to take the blame upon themselves. 
 Virgil in particular, was examined very mi- 
 nutely upon that passage of his poems, where 
 he invokes the Sicilian muses : he pretended 
 to have spoken of the birth of the Messiah ; 
 but he was answered that he must then have 
 been in the soul of the son of Pollio. Or- 
 pheus was accused by the ladies of Thrace,
 
 THE LAST JUDGMENT, 61 
 
 because he had taught men a love that did not 
 concern them. 
 
 The clerks, lawyers, and constables, ap- 
 plied to Saint Ives de Chartres, to plead their 
 cause ; but he refused, saying, he had never 
 been a robber, but had always pursued the 
 cause of truth and justice, and that they had 
 not acted in that manner. The devils also 
 accusing them of having often been corrupted 
 by presents, and the solicitations of women ; 
 few among them escaped. 
 
 After these, the physicians, surgeons, and' 
 apothecaries, were brought forward : they jus- \ 
 tified themselves by the authority of Hippo- i 
 crates, Galen, and Paracelsus ; but those 
 whom they summoned, mocked at them, and l 
 their allegations. " And who are they," de- • 
 manded those eminent physicians, "who have 
 cited us, and presume to shelter themselves 
 behind our example ?" The unhappy ac- 
 cused then sought the assistance of their two 
 saints. Come and Damiens k^^Í-^ ^Y refuse d 
 to defe nd homic ides, and judgment of con- 
 demnation was accordingly pronounced. 
 
 As it is out of my power to follow all the 
 F
 
 62 THE LAST JUDGMENT. 
 
 judgments in their order, I shall report only 
 those that appeared most worthy of note. A 
 fencing master, being unwilling to approach the 
 bar, an angel extended his arm to seize him ; but 
 the master, throwing himself into an attitude, 
 made a fanciful push towards the angel, telling 
 him at the same time, that from such a thrust 
 with the small sword, he would have received 
 a mortal wound ; that all those who had taken 
 lessons of him, never failed to kill their man, 
 
 and that be^bimsplf h^^d nlwnys hpr>n vic- 
 
 lorious, till he met with his pli xsisjan. At 
 last, constrained by force, he was brouglit for- 
 ward and convicted of all the homicides com- 
 mitted by his scholars, who, confident in their 
 skill, had often sought quarrels, for the pur- 
 pose of putting their theory in practice. For 
 these offences it was decreed that he should 
 go into hell in a perpendicular line. ''Zounds,'* 
 said the master, " I will go as I may, but not 
 in a perpendicular line ; I am not a mathema- 
 tician." *' How," said the angel, " do you 
 wish to go ?" " In making leaps backward be- 
 fore the mouth of hell." '* Not q.uite so 
 much subtlety," said the devil ; " I will
 
 THE LAST JUDGMENT. 63 
 
 make you obedient;" and he carried him into 
 the abyss, that was at the extremity of the 
 valley. 
 
 This man gave place to a great astrologer, 
 whom his angel endeavoured to bring before 
 the tribunal: he was loaded with almanacs, 
 globes, spheres, astrolabes, compasses, quad- 
 rants, rules, and papers, filled with astronomi- 
 cal calculations. " You are mistaken," said 
 he to the angel ;" the last judgment has not 
 yet arrived, because the constellation of Sa- 
 turn, and that of fear, have not yet finished 
 their courses ; it ought not to arrive in less 
 than twenty-four thousand years; for God 
 hath not created the universe and the celestial 
 globes, not to permit them to finish their jour- 
 neys ; and there is yet no appearance of an 
 union of the sun and stars, to set fire to the 
 world, as must necessarily happen at the last 
 day. I appeal, then, in advance, against all 
 other judgments." " March," said the devil, 
 " or I shall carry you." " Carry me," said 
 the astronomer, " into the kingdom of the 
 moon ; I will reward you well ; I am curious 
 to see those beautiful countries, we discover
 
 64 THE LAST JXTDgMENT. 
 
 with our telescopes ; the countries of Galileo, 
 of Copernicus, of Tycho Brahe, and other 
 celebrated astronomers, who are gone to dwell 
 in the moon, and who have bestowed their 
 names upon those regions they inhabit." The 
 discourse of this fool, did not prevent an ac- 
 cusation before the judge, of irreligión, super- 
 stition, and other vices which he could not 
 dispute. 
 
 1 then saw an operator, who, imagining 
 himself to be in a proper place for vending 
 his drugs, praised the properties of his orrie- 
 tan, and the virtues of his counter-poisons. 
 When he came before his judges, he was 
 desirous of trying some experiments, and de- 
 manded if he should use realgal, arsenic, or 
 the blood of toads and spiders. The devil, 
 who stood at his side, asked him if he had 
 any fire ointment. ♦* How," said he, " are 
 you in want ?" " It is yourself that will 
 soon need it," answered the devil ; " be- 
 cause you have cheated so many people 
 with your lies and knaveries." He was 
 confounded at this discourse, and was led 
 away to hell.
 
 THE LAST JUDGMENT. G5 
 
 When they were close by, he said to the 
 devil, " I perceive the jest ; you keep here the 
 feast of Peter; I am not so much alarmed 
 as you think : let us go, let us go," said he, 
 entering into hell, "let us go and see Don 
 Peter." 
 
 There then came a troop of tailors, the 
 chief one of whom diverted me much : he had 
 a pair of scissors in his hand, and a long slip 
 of parchment, with which he took measure 
 for garments. Perceiving me, he stepped up 
 and proposed to make me a coat in the French 
 fashion : I assured him that I had no need of 
 such a garment ; but he ran round me, insist- 
 ing upon taking my measure. I observed that 
 it was then no time to transact such business ; 
 that he was before his judge, and had better 
 invoke his guardian angel : but the angel ad- 
 vised him to plead his own cause, as he could 
 not conscientiously defend a case so obvious. 
 '• Signor," answered the tailor, " I engage to 
 give you a suit every year, gratis ; for it is 
 doubtless for lack of tailors, that you angels go 
 always naked." " Without dispute ;" replied 
 the angel, " for there is not a single tailor in 
 F 2
 
 66 THE LAST JUDGMENT. 
 
 heaven." " Very well," resumed the tailor; 
 I go then in person, to defend myself and 
 brethren. "We have never stolen more stuff 
 than we could put into our eyes ; we threw 
 the useless pieces into the street ; we have 
 always measured the trimmings of gold and 
 silver, after finishing the suit, and took no 
 more than was absolutely necessary. As to 
 the rest, our trade is one inculcating mercy ; 
 to clothe the naked, and furnish a defence 
 from the cold; meritoriously following the 
 gospel precept: thus have we acted, besides 
 suffering patiently the prejudice the embroi- 
 derers have done us in making the habits of the 
 church. I demand that Saint Martin, arcli- 
 bishop of Tours, who gave the moiety of his 
 mantle to a poor beggar, should be heard in 
 our behalf." " Saint Martin," said one of the 
 angels, "hath never been the protector of tai- 
 lors ; and so far would he be from defending 
 you, that he would condemn you." " Ah ! 
 well," said the tailor, " oblige us by being 
 yourself our interlocutor." ♦' I consent," re- 
 plied he, *' and will quickly expose the tricks 
 of your trade : the tailors have in their shops
 
 THE LAST JUDGMENT. 67 
 
 a private drawer, which they call the eye; and 
 it is there they deposit what they steal. The 
 under part of their table and its immediate 
 neighbourhood, they call the street ; and here 
 they cast the superfluous stuffs : so when this 
 master cheat asserted, he had never stolen 
 more than might have been contained in his 
 eye, or that he threw into the street the waste 
 pieces of cloth, or stuff, it was equivalent to 
 saying, that he had never taken more than 
 might be put into his drawer, or beneath his 
 table. As to the trimmings of gold and silver, 
 it is true, they are measured upon the gar- 
 ment, but then it is found after the chain of 
 binding is cut, that it stretches very easily. 
 When he said that his trade was merciful and 
 charitable, he spoke the truth, if these are the 
 attributes of thieves : but I demand, if, with- 
 out pillaging cloth, they could ornament cham- 
 bers with rich tapestry, build fine houses, give 
 portions to their daughters, bear the extrava- 
 gancies of their children, give sumptuous en- 
 tertainments, and enjoy all the luxuries of 
 life ?" *' No, no," simultaneously exclaimed 
 the whole assembly. The corps of tailors
 
 C8 THE LAST JUDGMENT. 
 
 was accordingly condemned, and they were 
 precipitated into the abyss. 
 
 When all the judgments had been pro- 
 nounced, the judge, his counsellors, the an- 
 gels, and the elect, launched forth into the air, 
 and ascended to heaven, amid an harmonious 
 concert of trumpets, and other instruments. 
 Those who remained in the valley, and had 
 not been sent to hell, were in despair, because 
 they were not able to follow the array of the 
 blessed. When the celestial throng had wholly 
 disappeared, a most horrid tumult ensued : the 
 planets fell from their orbits, the mountains 
 came together with dreadful crashings, the 
 earth gaped, and all who remained fell into 
 the abyss, uttering such piercing shrieks that 
 I was seized with terror. I awoke, and felt 
 the most lively pleasure to find myself out of 
 danger. I reflected afterwards upon the mul- 
 titude of the guilty, and the small number ad- 
 judged innocent. Oh, how necessary it is, 
 that all the living should experience a similar 
 vision, that they might be witnesses of the 
 disorder, of the despair, and torments of the 
 damned. It would suflice also to exemplify
 
 THE LAST JUDGMENT. 69 
 
 the piteous confusion, which can neither be 
 expressed nor comprehended, that will not 
 fail to happen at the last day. I am not 
 now surprised that the Israelites, at the 
 foot of Mount Sinai, could not endure the 
 noise of the thunder that resounded from its 
 summit.
 
 70 THE COUNTRY AND 
 
 FOURTH NIGHT. 
 
 THE COUNTRY AND THE PALACE OF LOVE. 
 
 On the fourth day of January, I had passed 
 the evening in the company of some beautiful 
 and amiable young ladies. Contrary to my 
 usual custom of retiring at an early hour, I sat 
 up late, amusing myself and trifling with these 
 ladies, which brought to my imagination, dur- 
 ing sleep, the most delightful images. I fan- 
 cied I heard a voice, which recited these verses, 
 borrowed by Virgil from Theocritus : 
 
 " What phrensy, shepherd has thy soul possess'd 1 
 Thy vineyard lies half prun'd, and half undress'd. 
 Quench, Corydon, thy long unanswered lire ; 
 Mind what the common wants of life require. 
 On willow twigs employ thy weaving care ; 
 And find an easier love, though not so fair. 
 
 I am ignorant by what paths I was conducted, 
 but I suddenly found myself in a most de- 
 lightful country, such as the poets are wont to 
 describe the isle of Cyprus and the gardens 
 of Love ; it was bordered by two little rivers,
 
 THE PALACE OF LOVE. 71 
 
 one of which was sweet, and the other bitter 
 water. These waters, conducted by a subter- 
 ranean canal, united in a great basin of white 
 marble, placed in the middle of a garden. 
 After I had promenaded a little, to admire the 
 beauty of the trees, and respire the perfume 
 of the flowers, I entered into a long and mag- 
 nificent walk, planted with citrons and oranges : 
 upon each side were arbours, adorned inte- 
 riorly with paintings and sculpture, and sur- 
 rounded without by jessamines, laurels, honey- 
 suckles, and other shrubs. At the extremity of 
 this walk, there appeared, in perspective, a 
 large and superb edifice, which was called the 
 Palace of Love. The porticoes were of the 
 Doric order : upon the pedestals, the bases, 
 the columns, the cornices, the friezes, the 
 architraves, and the chapters, were, in half 
 relief, little cupids, who disported themselves 
 in all sorts of gambols. There was written 
 upon the gate in letters of gold upon a black 
 ground, this inscription : — 
 
 * Behold the palace of the happy, 
 The abode of lovers.' 
 The custody of the gate was committed to
 
 72 THE COUNTRl AND 
 
 a woman of a nymph like appearance : her 
 name was Beauty. She was tall and well 
 proportioned : her features were regular, and 
 her whole appearance so seducing, that her 
 name seemed to answer her description exact- 
 ly. Her garments were magnificent, but their 
 transparency permitted the sight of charms 
 that eclipsed the light. The whiteness of the 
 snow would have yielded to the whiteness of 
 her bosom : in a word, she had about her that, 
 1 know not what, of enchantment, which no 
 pencil could delineate, or language describe. 
 She made me so gracious a salutation, that I 
 was emboldened to request of her a conductor, 
 to show me the apartments of the palace. 
 
 " Address yourself," said she, " to the In- 
 troducer ; he is lodged in this wing," motion- 
 ing me with her right hand to the left side of 
 the edifice. 
 
 I thanked her, and went in quest of the In- 
 troducer, who was at the same time the In- 
 spector of this smiling country. I perceived 
 in him an old man with a long beard. He 
 received me with great civility ; and having 
 signified to him my desire, he told me that he
 
 THE PALACE OF LOVE. 73 
 
 would himself conduct me to the foot of the 
 throne of the Queen. He girded upon his 
 thigh instead of a sword, a long sharp scythe. 
 He took for a cravat, an hour-glass with golden 
 sand ; and for a hat, a honn^t of mercury w^ith 
 wings. To do me honour, he preceded me. 
 We entered immediately into the apartment 
 of the girls, which was separate from that of 
 the women Avho have arrived at maturity. In 
 perambulating these chambers, I saw all these 
 girls singularly occupied : there were some 
 who wept with jealousy against the widows ; 
 others -were filled with inquietudes, not daring 
 to avow the love with which the other sex had 
 inspired them. " My lover," said one, " is 
 extremely cold ; he is too timid ; O that the 
 same privilege of declaring our inclinations 
 was permitted to us, as to the other sex ! I 
 would opeak a language to him, which he 
 should respond." 
 
 Some of them read or wrote letters ; they 
 used a great deal of paper in that business ; 
 for in order to say that they would not, they 
 destroyed, recommenced, destroyed again, 
 and recomposed the same lines ; they de- 
 G
 
 74 THE COUNTRY AND 
 
 sired that their words should have a double 
 meaning, and that their loTers should under- 
 stand that, which they had no intention of 
 making them comprehend. Others, placed 
 before their mirrors, studied their gestures, 
 giving expression to their features, endeavour- 
 ing to put grace into their smile, and gaiety 
 into their laugh. Certain of them, plucked 
 the hair from the chin and eye-brows ; others 
 applied plaster to their faces f many of them, 
 to cause paleness and a more interesting ap- 
 pearance in the eyes of their lovers, ate plas- 
 ter, jet, charcoal, and Spanish wax, contrary 
 to the custom of tlie French, who diligently 
 avoid those substances that can give them a 
 yellow appearance, as saffron, pepper, salt, 
 and every thing provocative. 
 
 From this apartment, I passed into that of 
 the married women. Some of them «j^Tie ved 
 at the jealousy of their husbands, and others 
 at the avarice of theirs. There were those 
 who caressed their spouses, that they might 
 the more easily deceive them : there were 
 others who concealed money from their know- 
 ledge, to purchase finery, or make presents to
 
 THE PALACE OF LOTE. 75 
 
 their gallants: there were others v/ho made 
 vows, and projected pilgrimages, to the end 
 that they might enjoy the company of thoso 
 whom they could not otherwise see : an^ 
 others, who spoke continually of the sweet- 
 ness, of the handsome mein, and good pro- 
 portions of their confessors. Some there were, 
 who said that there could be no pleasure more 
 consummate, than in revenging ones self upon 
 ones husband ; some, also, that the most in- 
 supportable torment to a married woman, was 
 to be obliged to answer the caresses of a hus- 
 band v>hom she did not love : many, that the 
 pleasantest hour was that passed at the play 
 with a gallant. There were those too among 
 them, who had taken their waiting maids into 
 coniidence, and strove to engage them in their 
 interests by every indulgence. 
 - Contiguous to this place, was a spacious 
 pavilion where we found the widows. Some 
 of this class áfíected austerity and modesty ; 
 but others gave themselves up to all sorts of 
 folly. Many were exceedingly joyous, al- 
 tliough they were in mourning : many were 
 sad, because black did not become them ;
 
 76 THE COUNTRY AXD 
 
 many, on the contrary, judged that crape was 
 their ehiefest ornament, and that it served best 
 to exhibit the brilliant whiteness of their com- 
 plexion. The old widows wished to imitate 
 the young, while these sought to improve 
 the¿r time to the best advantage. Those who 
 exhibited the most lassitude, were generally 
 young widows, who waited Mith impatience 
 for the year of mourning to expire ; but ollrers 
 spent their time cursing the memory of their 
 husbands, who had prohibited second nuptials. 
 
 I was soon weary of my visit to this apart- 
 ment; folly and libertinism were not to my 
 taste. jMy conductor perceiving it, took me 
 by the arm, and said that he would show me 
 the amorous devotees. 
 
 " Yet, for all that," said I, "love and de- 
 votion can hardly agree; however, let us see 
 all." 
 
 "Oh, ho," said Time; " yes, true devo- 
 tion ; but know that it is as rare to see true 
 devotees, as women without love: these same 
 true devotees have at least those with whom 
 they are not much upon their guard, and when 
 they are not observed, cannot resist the seduc-
 
 THE PALACE OF LOVE. 77 
 
 tions of a handsome and assiduous cavalier : 
 m default of that they take their confessor." 
 
 Thus conversing, we entered into the apart- 
 ment of the devotees. Almost all prayed to God, 
 either for the health or the return of a lover : 
 many to be soon married, or to be always 
 handsome, or for death to rid them of a rival. 
 Some of these women performed their devo- 
 tions while waiting for their gallants. 
 
 As the character of these women had in it 
 nothing agreeable to me, I besought my con- 
 ductor to lead me to the abodes of the men ; 
 the more, because I would hear from thence a 
 concert of instruments ; he showed me the 
 entrance into their quarter. I found in the 
 first hall, a great number of fiddlers and 
 pipers, who concerted a serenade for the fol- 
 lowing night. In the second, I saw men who 
 made their toilets, and arrayed themselves in 
 new garments, of the favourite colours of their 
 mistresses. In the third, were those who pre- 
 pared to send presents to their fair friends. 
 In the fourth, were lovers who put themselves 
 in attitudes to fight in duel with their rivals. 
 In the fifth, they read novels, or made extracts 
 G 2
 
 78 THE COUNTRY AND 
 
 from them. In the sixth, were the old fellows 
 who were mad for love. In the seventh, were 
 young men sick, and who dared not disclose 
 the causes of their indisposition. In the eighth, 
 married men did that for their mistresses, 
 which the wives did for their gallants. In the 
 ninth, widowers imitated the actions of the 
 widows. In the tenth, in fine, the gentlemen 
 of the church showed themselves more amo- 
 rous than the men of the world, because they 
 are addicted to less general dissipation, and 
 have fewer opportunities for the gratification 
 of their inclinations. 
 
 As I came out of this place, I heard a clock 
 striking with a heavy sound, and reverberat- 
 ing throughout the palace. " What is that," 
 said I to Opportunity ?" 
 
 " That," said he, marks the hour for pri- 
 vate conversation and appointments ; enter 
 into this large hall ; you shall soon see a great 
 deal of the Avorld : wait for me, until I shall 
 return to conduct you out of the palace, for 
 otlierwise you will not be able to find your 
 way." 
 
 I ^.Tnt into the hall, in wliich were a great
 
 THE PALACE OF LOVE. 7¿ 
 
 number of seats. The magnificence of the 
 tapestry, which represented the fabulous me- 
 tamorphoses, corresponded with the style of 
 the edifice : at the extremity was a throne of 
 ivory, silver, and gold, under a canopy en- 
 riched with pearls and precious stones. When 
 the persons of both sexes had entered and sat, 
 a woman of a strange figure, and clad in a 
 very whimsical manner, placed herself upon 
 the throne ; they called her Passion. Ano- 
 ther woman, whom they called Folly, sat near 
 her, and spake as if she was the queen's chan- 
 cellor. Forthwith this princess began to set 
 forth the advantages that had been gained over 
 the empire of Reason, who had been for a 
 long time her enemy. While she was speak- 
 ing, a stately dame named Jealousy, prome- 
 naded through every part of the hall : she 
 inspired some with fear, and made others 
 laugh ; at length she came near me, and said — 
 
 "It is not without some purpose, you are 
 here and separate from the rest ; perhaps you 
 are more fortunate." 
 
 I answered, that " I found myself there 
 without any particular design." — " Excellent,"
 
 80 THE COUNTRY AND 
 
 replied she, retiring; and from lime to lime 
 she revisiled the phice wheie I was, to see if 
 some girl did not come to join me. As I di- 
 vined her thoughts, I strove to give her un- 
 easiness ; I affected to exhibit the same my- 
 self; I looked anxiously from one side to the 
 other, as if I had expected some one. I re- 
 marked this woman made the same motions. 
 
 When the queen had finished her discourse, 
 many persons presented petitions, which were 
 all forthwith granted. After that, the princess 
 announced to all her votaries, that she granted 
 them the propitious moment, and retired. Im- 
 mediately each one presented his hand to his 
 partner, and hastened from the hall. Some 
 went into chambers, and others walked about. 
 There was no one but Jealousy remaining in 
 the chamber where I was ; she promenaded 
 about the hall, murmuring : — 
 
 "I shall see," said she: "I will watch; 
 I will discover : I will hinder : I will talk : I 
 shall not be inactive. Ah, good," cried slie 
 to me with vivacity ; " what do you do here ? 
 depart, I Avish to close the gate." 
 
 As I expected my guide, I Avas not willing
 
 THE PALACE OF LOVE. 81 
 
 to go out, lest I might lose myself in this vast 
 edifice. " I wish to wait here for Opportuni- 
 ty," said I, " who ordered me to remain in 
 this hall, till he should come to rejoin me." 
 
 " Reckon not," replied she, " upon this old 
 dotard ; he will not return ; he is gone upon 
 the stream, with tlie others : believe me ; quit 
 this place :" and thus speaking, she took me 
 by the shoulders, and thrust me out. 
 
 I walked upon the garden terrace until I 
 saw descend a silken ladder. I immediately 
 thought that this was an invitation made to 
 me, and thinking of nothing but the novelty 
 of the adventure, I ascended. I entered by a 
 window into a chamber, where I saw a man 
 and a young girl sitting at table : they were 
 both surprised at my presence, but especially 
 the young cavalier, who remained immovable : 
 presently recovering himself, and addressing 
 himself to the lady : — 
 
 "Ingrate, this is then the manner in which 
 you betray me ! you have then certainly two 
 lovers, and perhaps fifty ?" 
 
 " Me, sir 1" said she ; "I swear to you I 
 know not this gentleman ; assuredly he has
 
 82 THE COUNTRY AND 
 
 made a mistake, in taking my window for 
 that of some other." 
 
 " Yes, yes, he is deceived, but it is in these 
 two particulars ; that, in the ñrst place, he 
 thought me gone ; and secondly, in taking my 
 ladder, for that you are accustomed to hang 
 out for his accommodation ; but he shall re- 
 pent it." 
 
 Immediately drawing his sword, and taking 
 his dagger in the other hand, he would have 
 stabbed his mistress. I also drew my sword, 
 and put myself before the lady, to guard Uer 
 from the blows of this madman : he dealt me 
 several lunges, which I parried ; I drove 
 him to the window, and as he perceived him- 
 self hotly pressed, he sprang out, which gave 
 me immense chagrin. The lady had left the 
 chamber ; I sought her in vain, and the agita- 
 tion of this circumstance awoke me. 
 
 I leave it to the consideration of the reader, 
 if this vision is not a faithful image of profane 
 love : this is the beauty that seduces us ; this 
 is the time we improve ; this is the passion 
 which governs us ; this is the jealousy which 
 torments us ; this is the hour of temptation :
 
 THE PALACE OF LOVE. 83 
 
 a rendezvous, a private conversation, a walk. 
 This is that violent motion which leads to 
 crime. I leave also to the reader, to make his 
 own reflections upon the occupations of lovers, 
 upon their desire of pleasure, upon their in- 
 trignes, upon their pains. I am persuaded 
 that no one can have an idea upon the subject, 
 without disapproving of the wanderings of 
 love. It is not reason which rules in the 
 palace I have traversed: for reason is an 
 enemy whom they attack, whom they disarm, 
 whom they put far from them, although she is 
 but a kind friend, who never takes up arms 
 but to succour us.
 
 84 THE WORLD. 
 
 FIFTH NIGHT. 
 
 THE WORLD. 
 
 If a man of genius, o r one only of ordinary 
 discem nient, could view t he interior of the 
 WQxlx l. he would feel indign^^n t r^t liimsplfeven 
 fnr lining wi'^^ sn murh ^IponrnHnrinn : lie could 
 not prevent himself fVomj)il^ iiig~o?^ spising 
 thoseTvho are aHachedto it, and wiio alio w 
 themselves to lie deceived hy its seduc tions 
 and artifices. There is hardly a person who 
 speaks as he thinks ; one never sees the in- 
 tention of the actor ; honesty and knavery 
 have often an air of resemblance ; truth and 
 hypocrisy appear like sisters of the same fa- 
 ther ; civility and curiosity assume the same 
 colours ; friendship and interest are with dif- 
 ficulty distinguished. 
 
 These reflections occurred to me while 
 walking in my garden ; I entered into a sum- 
 mer house, favourable for meditation, and in- 
 clined to slumber by the coolness of the shade, 
 and the murmur of a neighbouring rill, fell
 
 THE WORLD. 85 
 
 asleep. During my repose, I faiicied myscli" 
 in the midst of a great city, called Ilypocri.sy. 
 They informed me that it was the capital of 
 the internal world, and bore the same relation 
 to it, that Rome did to the external world, in 
 the time of the emperors. It was here the 
 king of the internal world usually resided ; he 
 was called Self Love ; and although he had 
 this appellation, which is, for the most part, 
 in rather bad odour, he was dear to his sub- 
 jects, who made it their chiefest glory to imi- 
 tate him, and -had no other objectth^jnuOlie^ 
 honou x_of their sovereign^ . The two principal 
 ministers of this king, were Interest and Am- 
 bition : the governor of the city was Pleasure. 
 The guards of his majesty were designated by 
 the names of other human passions ; the gen- 
 tlemen of his court were lackeys, w^ell ac- 
 coutred ; the farmers of the revenue called 
 themselves mhiisters of finance: the lawyers, 
 counsellors of the king : the thieves, judges 
 of police : the grooms of the stable, equeries 
 of the king : the jTjpimtpbnnks, pliys icians : 
 the hnnkers, Quasters of accounts : the clerks 
 of the church, abbots : the clerks of the 
 H
 
 86 THE WUKLÜ. 
 
 palace, secretaries : the students, doctors. 
 There, tailors wear velvet and gold lace ; 
 coblers are cordwainers to the king; gam- 
 ing houses, academies : discreditable places, 
 houses of good society : pimps, convenient 
 people : coquettes, ladies of honour : women 
 of pleasure, devotees : black girls, handsome 
 brunettes : in fine, coquetry is friendship : 
 usury, economy: deceit, wisdom, or pru- 
 dence : malice, wit : cowardice, equanimity 
 of temper : temerity, valour : parasites are 
 amiable people : slanderers, free people : and 
 in like manner of others ; for in this country 
 we perceive every thing to be contrary to that 
 we see in the external world. 
 
 As I promenaded the streets of this city, I 
 met an old man, who inquired of me if I was 
 a stranger. 
 
 '' Yes, I am," said I. 
 
 *' That is very apparent, from the surprise 
 you testify at the novelties of this city ; but 
 if you choose, I will show you things that 
 will astonish you much more : come into my 
 house." 
 
 Having accepted this courteous invitation,
 
 THE WORLD. 87 
 
 he preceded me without ceremony, observ- 
 ing, that this was the custom in France. 
 
 " Oh, signor," said I, " it is no more than 
 justice, that you should be free in your own 
 house ; and I know that it is the French hu- 
 mour, not to accord precedence upon such oc- 
 casions : because he who first enters, escapes 
 closing the gate upon the inside." 
 
 We found in the chamber of this old man, 
 two young friars, preparing to go abroad. 
 They assured us, they could not remain any 
 longer, becau^^-^l^feii:, sujpe rior had _ ordered 
 them to be present at a funeral procession, to 
 get their waxTaper, and customary gratuity. 
 
 *' WharinhniiT[bte;cKiiityJn^these people," 
 said I, " who-go to a fnnpi:al3^notJo_pray^ut 
 to gain^ ' 
 
 Soon after, hearing a chanting, we looked 
 from the window to learn the cause. We 
 saw a funeral procession, in which were ar- 
 ranged many priests and religious, with a long 
 file of relations. It was a woman whom they 
 carried to the grave ; the husband was almost 
 mad ; and I said to my old friend, " My God ! 
 this man is extremely afflicted i'*
 
 88 THE WORLD. 
 
 " Do you believe lliat ?" answered lie : 
 *' listen to what he says, when he arrives op- 
 posite." 
 
 In fact, when he came near the hoase, I 
 heard him say, " I am not so very unhappy 
 after all ! she has wasted the half of my for- 
 tune : she has been sick in bed at my ex- 
 pense these last six months ; and her obsequies 
 will cost me a thousand crowns ! Ah, Lord !" 
 cried he in a loud voice, *' why is she dead ? 
 and why did you not take me first ? or rather, 
 good Lord, why did you not take her before 
 she had dissipated my money?" At length, 
 reverting to a more pleasant theme, "I must," 
 said he, "marry Lucilla: she having been a 
 serving girl, will not be fond of ostentation ; 
 she knows nothing about luxuries, since she 
 cannot even read. To be sure, being young 
 and inexperienced, she made a misstep ; but 
 tlie remembrance of her fault will make her 
 wary. Of the two maids my wife kept, I 
 shall discharge one ; so in tliree or four years 
 I sliall save tlie expense of this Ijurial." " I 
 gain by this chance," said a relation of tlie 
 deceased, who came next : " I (rain ten -lliou-
 
 THE WORLD. 89 
 
 sand crowns, because she died intestate." 
 " This pest of a woman," said a maid servant 
 who followed, " never failed to take advantage 
 of every opportunity, and yet entertained an 
 extreme jealousy of my master and me." 
 
 " Zounds !" said I to the old man, " these 
 people are very sincere !" 
 
 " The things you see here," observed he, 
 " are those which are concealed in the exter- 
 nal world ; but if now, you have any curiosity 
 to know with what occupations widows be 
 guile the time, after the death of their hus 
 bands, step with me a couple of paces and 
 you shall see." 
 
 I directly consented ; the object appearing 
 well worth the trouble. There was at the 
 distance of three or four doors from this 
 chamber a grand apartment, the entrance of 
 which was hung with black, and the stair-case 
 covered with the same material. We went 
 in, and after traversing a long hall, garnished 
 in the same manner, entered into a little 
 room, the tapestry of which was black velvet ; 
 file bed of beautiful red damask, covered with 
 black crape, with silver fringe. In it reposed 
 H 2
 
 90 THE WORLD. 
 
 a young lady of the most conspicuous loveli 
 ness, one of the fairest I have ever beheld. 
 I offered her my condolences upon the death 
 of her husband, whom my old friend had in- 
 formed me was a gentleman of the sword, and 
 a loyal subject of the king — Self-love. She 
 answered, smiling in the most affable manner, 
 that she was highly sensible of my politeness, 
 and that she felt very happy that the death 
 of her husband had procured her the pleasure 
 of my acquaintance. 
 
 " Oh !" exclaimed I, to myself, " what 
 affliction! but let us examine a little farther." 
 
 I approached the bed, and sat down upon 
 a sofa near by : we conversed upon many 
 things indifferently, and at length came upon 
 the adventures of young widows. At this 
 period of the conversation, raising herself up 
 to take her handkerchief, she exposed to my 
 view, with a beautiful shoulder, a neck fairer 
 than moonlight. Just as this sight had in- 
 spired me with love, I heard a man snore, 
 who was upon the other side of the bed. 
 She drew the curtain, and gave the gallant a 
 slight cuff, saying, " you are very imperti-
 
 TilE WORLD. 91 
 
 hent to sleep thus near a lady in bed." The 
 other awaking, was going to revenge himself 
 upon the lady for her slight buffet. 
 
 " No, no," said I, " do not ; I should 
 rather be punished myself." 
 
 Both of them then began to turn their rail- 
 lery upon me. Perceiving this, I left the 
 chamber, beckoning the old man to follow. 
 I was greatly scandalized at such conduct, 
 and my companion did nothing but laugh. 
 What people you have here ! amiable widows ! 
 
 Some hours afterwards, I accidentally met 
 in the street, the beau whom I parted with at 
 the widow's. 
 
 " It is thus," said this man, accosting me, 
 " that widows console themselves, and re- 
 deem the time they may have lost with a 
 cross, jealous, or avaricious husband." 
 
 " You understand these matters well," 
 answered I ; " and madam will soon forget 
 her loss." 
 
 Conferring thus together, we became fami- 
 liar : he was anxious to learn my name, and 
 told me his own, which was Joy. 
 
 *' I am net astonished," said I, " the
 
 92 rilE WORLD 
 
 beauty listened to you. A quarter of an liour 
 spent in your society, will abundantly recom- 
 pense her for the sad and weary years passed 
 with a jealous spouse." 
 
 AVhen the old man saw us tlms pleased 
 with each other, he said he would leave mo 
 in tlie company of this honest person, and 
 that he should expect me at his house to su]|i- 
 per, after the play, to which we had deter- 
 mined to go. 
 
 At the theatre we saw comedies about equi- 
 valent to our tragedies ; and, in fact, of so 
 close a resemblance, that one might almost 
 fancy them the same. The story of the one 
 I saw was this : — Two young persons met at 
 the house of a mutual friend, to concert mea- 
 sures to gain the consent of their parents to 
 tlieir marriage : their degree was not equal ; 
 the girl was nobly born, and an heiress ; the 
 young man poor, and the son of a merchant. 
 They both promised to put in requisition 
 every possible method that could be devised, 
 to vanquish the opposition of the old folks 
 upon whom they depended. The young man 
 said he would make himself an advocate, and
 
 THE WORLD. 93 
 
 afterwards a counsellor in parliament ; the ex- 
 pence of which he could easily defray in one 
 year after his marriage, with the help of his 
 wife's dowry. The girl, on her part, pro- 
 mised not to refuse him any token of affection ; 
 and agreeable to their plan, she was to inform 
 her mother that she was pregnant by Signor 
 Virodeno; for thus was her lover called. In 
 order to the furtherance of this design, they 
 instigated their friend to pretend to betray 
 them, and to apprise the parents of both par- 
 ties of what was passing. The parents 
 hastened to the spot ; the lovers came 
 promptly from the chamber ; they both heaped 
 reproaches upon their daughter, and as the 
 mother was about to strike her, she declared 
 herself pregnant. " Unhappy wretch," ex- 
 claimed her mother, " you will always be a 
 grief to me ; you will bring dishonour upon 
 the family : I will strangle you on the spot." 
 " Stop," said her husband, " you will only 
 expose yourself to be hanged : we must think 
 rather now to conceal this disgrace." " No, 
 no," said the mother; " let me stab her to 
 death with this knife." She would have
 
 94 THE WORLD. 
 
 executed her resolution, had not her more 
 discreet husband disarmed her, saying, " re- 
 collect yourself, madam ; you were in the 
 same situation when I married you ; and if 
 your mother had killed you, you would not 
 to-day have made all this uproar." But as 
 she continued to give way to fresh paroxysms 
 of indignation, her husband enforced his rea- 
 sons with some wholesome correction. He 
 subsequently conferred with the parents of 
 the lover, who promised to do every thing 
 for the advancement of their son, in consider- 
 ation of the rank of the young lady's family, 
 with whom they would not be at variance. 
 The company then gave a loose to mirth ; 
 they found out the young couple were well 
 matched ; they busied themselves in prepar- 
 ations for the nuptials, and sent to apprise the 
 young man, M'ho had taken refuge at the 
 house of the governor of the city. He came, 
 accompanied by the proper officers ; the mar- 
 riage was celebrated ; nothing was wanting 
 at the feast, and they parted on the best of 
 terms. All this scene was in such perfect 
 keeping, that the young espoused were married
 
 THE WORLD. 95 
 
 at the house of the maternal father-in-law, 
 who himself did the honours of friendship. 
 Thus they conclude marriages and other mat- 
 ters : so that there, one can see the minds of 
 people, and the purpose of every man's 
 action. 
 
 At the palace it is the same ; every thing is 
 laid open ; the advocates plead not, but pro 
 honorario; the solicitors think of nothing 
 but prolonging the suits by those incidents 
 they themselves devise ; and the judges, for 
 the purpose of enhancing their fees, deliver a 
 hundred judgments, when one would answer 
 As a specimen of their method, take the fol- 
 lowing decree : 
 
 " Having taken into consideration the peti- 
 tion of Signer Thief, solicitor to the lord 
 Stupid, the court do order, that the parties 
 have day in court, for the space of four years, 
 that the fees may absorb the sum of three 
 hundred pounds, which must be expended in 
 this suit. Done at our court of the palace of 
 hypocrisy, at the winter term of the current 
 year. Pecunia, President." 
 
 What I have related of the palace, is to ex-
 
 06 ^ THE WORLD. 
 
 emplify the spirit that rei^s in this city ; llie 
 same influence governs the court, the army, 
 the treasury, and the theatre. There were in 
 a box adjoining ours, at the latter place, two 
 men, who discoursed concerning the sale of 
 certain merchandize. The seller said, " I 
 wish you to give fifty thousand livres, for 
 what cost me thirty ; but I wish to make a 
 thousand crowns profit." The otiier was not 
 willing to give more than a hundred pistoles. 
 At last they agreed upon the thousand crowns, 
 upon condition that the seller, who was a 
 steward, should give to the purchaser the 
 titles to the rents of certain farms, without the 
 knowledge of his lord, and upon which event 
 the purchaser was also to give a feast. After 
 the play, I went to seek my old friend ; upon 
 meeting him, he informed me that the king, 
 Self-love, was fallen ill ; and that on account 
 of his indisposition, the whole city prepared 
 to testify their gratitude. 
 
 " How," said I, " can you tliink of diver- 
 sions, when the father of the country lies 
 sick?" 
 
 " Yes," said he, " it becomes us to rejoice ;
 
 THE WORLD. 97 
 
 It would be hypocrisy to do otherwise, when 
 we have a prospect of changing our master." 
 
 " In the world of which I am an inhabitant," 
 rejoined I, " we feel the most lively sorrow, 
 if our prince falls sick ; and our religion com- 
 mands us to offer up prayers for his health." 
 
 *'And we," answered the good man, " are 
 taught to rejoice ; for we have no other policy 
 than interest, and to which your religion is 
 opposed." 
 
 " If Self-love should die," said I, " you 
 would perhaps be governed by a less popular 
 king. Pleasure, who aspires to the crown. 
 Interest, nor either of the other princes of the 
 blood, v/ould exercise a dominion so happy 
 and sweet. These princes are naturally proud, 
 cruel, and vindictive : in the place of which, 
 Self-love is often, nay, almost always soli- 
 citous for the preservation of his subjects." 
 
 The conversation turned upon this topic, 
 for some time. The old man, contrary to the 
 usual spirit of aged people, was desirous that 
 Pleasure should succeed to the throne. As 
 for myself, I maintained that the nation would 
 be less happy, under such a sway. After our 
 I
 
 98 TTIE WORLU. 
 
 soup, he wanted to carry me to see tlie fire- 
 works, and the ball the governor gave upon 
 tlie occasion. 1 refused to go ; these things 
 seeming to me very ridiculous, on account ol' 
 the cause that elicited them. The old man 
 was much offended at my refusal ; he told me 
 tliat I was a sour, dissatisfied man, and an 
 enemy to the general joy. 1 replied, that he 
 was an old fool, and that if he molested me 
 any more, I would throw him out of the win- 
 dow, and put his family to the sword. 
 
 At this moment we heard the cry of fire in 
 the house ; and the common danger caused 
 us to forego our quarrel. The uproar was 
 caused by a servant girl, who, because her 
 mistress refused, from some cause or other, 
 to pay her wages, had set fire to the house, 
 froto motives of revenge. They pretended to 
 extinguish it in a very curious manner, which 
 was, by throwing on light stufi's, .soaked in 
 oil. I dreamt that a great sheet of flame sud- 
 denly enveloped me : I awoke on the instant, 
 crying that I Avas in a house environed : and 
 thinking the noise I heard came from the 
 flame, — I cried, ''^fire /" A servant that was
 
 THE WORLD. 99 
 
 seeking me in the garden, ran, upon hearing 
 ine, and told me that some one waited to see 
 me. When I had finished my business with 
 this p-erson, my dream caused me much re- 
 flection ; the more I thought upon it, the 
 closer seemed the resemblance to what is 
 taking place in the world : in fact, it is Self- 
 love that reigns, and these are the passions 
 that govern us ; and whoever could see the 
 heart and soul of men, would find them arrant 
 Jiypocrites. The world itself is the city of 
 Hypocrisy. It is in this city, that interest, 
 ambition, pleasure, vengeance, anger, and all 
 other evil passions conceal themselves. The 
 more I examine, the more clearly these truths 
 appear : — That whosoever could disabus-e him- 
 self for a single moment, would be so, for the 
 remainder of his life : and_hewho_realW de- 
 sixes -tijJaijow_himse^^ would 
 ie^rn from_ob servation, mor e than he has an 
 idea of. The world is, of all things, the most 
 difiicult to understand, and that which one 
 ought to know the best. There is no person 
 who distrusts himself; consequently, there is 
 no one who realizes, that it is deceptive, filled
 
 lOO THE WORLD. 
 
 with self-love, attached to its own interests, 
 seeking its own gratifications, vain, unquiet, 
 restless, presumptuous, vindictive, pure out- 
 wardly, criminal within, lovely and fair in ap- 
 pearance — deserving, at bottom, of hatred and 
 contempt : and what is still m ore incompre- 
 hensible about this sa me worl d, is, there is 
 hardly aii m diviHual who do ih— ll¿Dí)ve it ; 
 they lose by this love, and they know of a 
 surety, that it is to this attachment they must 
 attribute their losses : meanwhile, it pleases 
 all : they seek after it ; they wish to serve it ; 
 they abandon to it all which they hold most 
 dear. Some sacrifice to it their honour for 
 pleasure ; others their lives for glory ; and 
 some surrender their repose for the poor am- 
 bition of fortune. But it was for us, the 
 world was created ; and that is really tlie vic- 
 tim one ought to sacrifice, to preserve his 
 lionour, to enjoy eternal pleasures, to acquire 
 true glory, and amass treasures, that neither 
 rust nor envy can spoil. — Think not, my dear 
 reader, what I have here presented to you, a 
 dream, a vision ; i t is movp real ihnn you 
 imagine.
 
 HELL. 101 
 
 SIXTH NIGHT 
 
 I HAD been, during' the autumn, at the 
 country house of one of my friends. In^lh^ 
 £aris}]Lwhere he resided, thnt Im ] not-^sppi] its 
 hish^,.Jh]i_thirty_years, there had recently 
 been settled a new curate, a fluent preacher, 
 and very much devoted to the instruction of 
 his flock — reading every Sunday homilies and 
 sermons, and the greater and lesser catechisms. 
 One day, I went to hear one of the familiar 
 exhortations, which he usually gave to his 
 people, concerning heaven and hell: he de- 
 picted the latter in such strong colours, that 
 the whole audience were moved ; and each 
 whispered to himself, O frightful residence ! 
 Full of these ideas myself, I returned to sup 
 at my entertainer's house. After quitting the 
 table, I extended myself on a couch ; and my 
 friend, seeing me soon overcome with a plea- 
 sant slumber, for we had fared sumptuously, 
 left me, to enjoy himself the same refresh- 
 I 2
 
 102 HELL. 
 
 ment. During sleep, I dreamed that I was 
 at the outlet of an extensive forest, from 
 whence diverged two roads, the one smooth 
 and broad, the other rough, covered with 
 stones and ditches, thorns, and thick entan- 
 gled bushes. I pursued the first, in which I 
 remarked many houses of pleasure, and mul- 
 titudes of people, who travelled in carriages, 
 on horseback, or on foot, at a moderate pace, 
 without fatiguing themselves. One might see 
 there, persons of all ages, sexes, conditions, and 
 estates; one might find there, shops, maga- 
 zines, taverns, play-houses, and societies of 
 women ; in fine, people of every country and 
 religion. I was not surprised that many came 
 from the narrow way into ours ; but I was great- 
 ly so, at some who went from this fine road into 
 the other, which caused me to inquire where it 
 terminated : as to ours, I thought it led to Ma- 
 drid. Some one answered, that the little way 
 conducted to Paradise ; and the one where I 
 was, dif ect to Hell. I pursued myjourney witli- 
 out making any other reflection. Having tra- 
 velled about a quarter of a league, I began to 
 perceive a bad odour, as of sulphur and bitumen.
 
 HELL. 103 
 
 and supposed it proceeded from baths of min- 
 eral waters, which diffused a strong scent at a 
 great distance around. I advanced constantly, 
 and arrived at last before a large edifice, which 
 answered the description of Pluto's palace, as 
 it is represented in fable. I found at the gate 
 an immense devil, horrible to look upon. At 
 this apparition, I stepped hastily back, two 
 or three paces, and drew my sword, suspect- 
 ing that some one was thus disguised, to do 
 me an injury. The porter, perceiving my 
 embarrassment, approached, telling me to fear 
 nothing ; for he was thus clothed, to deter the 
 saints, who constandy endeavoured to abstract 
 the damned from hell. 
 
 " It is then true, that this is hell," said I. 
 
 " Yes, at your service : enter, enter, my lord, 
 one had better come here living than dead." 
 
 I immediately walked in, and besought a 
 devil vvhom I met, to show me the apartments 
 of the palace : he called himself Curiosity ; 
 this was his appellation of war, or rather that 
 of his employment ; for as angels take theirs 
 from their offices near God or men, so like- 
 v.-ise demons are named, from the services
 
 104 HELL, 
 
 they execute, or the dignities Miih which tliey 
 are invested. 
 
 *' They denominate me Curioaity,''^ said 
 the demon, "because it is I who inspire men 
 with the desire of seeing, listening, proving, 
 and tasting ; and as it is curiosity that opens the 
 door of sin, so it is I who open that of hell." 
 
 *' You may conduct me there," said I, "on 
 condition that you bring me back to the gate 
 again, after I have examined it ; and you will 
 oblige me still farther, by leading me after- 
 wards to paradise, which I would also visit." 
 
 " It is not I," replied Curiosity, " who can 
 conduct you thither, and open the door ; the 
 guide of the May is Retirement, the porter, 
 Virtue ; but I will show you every thing wor- 
 thy of notice here, and reconduct you to the 
 place from whence I take you." 
 
 " Very well," said I, and followed him. 
 
 We first entered into a spacious court, 
 where the devils were scourging the unhap- 
 py, who cried, *' pardon, pardon, my God ! 
 I did not reflect — I did not believe — who told 
 me of tliese things ;" and many other similar 
 expostulations.
 
 HELL. 105 
 
 *' These," observed the devil, " are people, 
 that have come to hell without thinking about 
 it, without fear, and without believing it." 
 
 " They were then honest in their faith : 
 but why punish those guilty only through 
 ignorance ?" 
 
 " The devil replied," they ought to think 
 upon the matter, to instruct themselves, and 
 be persuaded that hell is no place for mercy— 
 so much the worse for them." 
 
 I passed from thence into a great chamber, 
 where there were many men gaming, who 
 swore and blasphemed because they had lost 
 a little money, or played a bad card. " Be- 
 hold these people," said I to the devil, " how 
 impatient and hasty !" 
 
 " That is the cause of their being here." 
 
 In another room we found comedians, who 
 mourned at their captivity, shut up for having 
 made the world laugh. Said they ; " if by 
 chance some equivocal words have impressed 
 the spectators willi evil thoughts, was it not 
 rather their fault than ours ?" 
 
 " Oh," said the devil to me, " if they 
 had done no more than that, they should
 
 lOb HELL. 
 
 scarcely have come here ; but think of their 
 lost time, knaveries, and secret crimes ! In 
 tlie terrestrial paradise, a male and female 
 comedian enacted a scene, that hath given to 
 the devil the whole human race." 
 
 " Ah ! who had they for spectators when 
 they were alone in the world ?" 
 
 " No, it is not the comedy which damns 
 the players ; it is what passes behind the 
 scenes." 
 
 ^ j n the follow ing chamber were the |3ln:si- 
 &iai js and their suit : tliey composed poisons 
 for themselves ; they took the doses wlicn 
 prepared ; they bled and purged themselves, 
 and tried every dangerous and disagreeable 
 remedy in medicine, surgery, and cliemistry, 
 to procure death to themselves, and could not 
 succeed. 
 
 — ^-dUieyí-O nce used their art," said the 
 devil, " for a bad purpose, and now their art 
 fails them at their utmost need : do wliat they 
 will, they cannot die, because the air of hell 
 is a fire which purifies and conserves." 
 
 In a cabinet near this chamber, were a 
 number of persons endeavouring to makf
 
 HELL. 107 
 
 gold, or to speak more plainly, sought to dis- 
 cover the philosopher's stone : among them I 
 recognised Tarnesier, he who made the nail 
 half gold and half iron, which is in the mu- 
 seum of the duke of Tuscany ; also a duke 
 of Saxony, and a duke of the Medici, who 
 knew how to make gold during their lives, 
 but forgot the secret when they came to hell. 
 
 " Is, then, the making of gold so heinous 
 a sin ?" inquired I of the devil. 
 
 " No," answered he, '' but_itjs_a_giiü^i^us 
 oífence n^Tto knowTiowto make it, andjhat 
 is the reasonjthggü gentl eman" are hereT" 
 
 " And the others7'~~saTd"Í7~''^^''wlib never 
 pretended to have made the discovery !" 
 
 " Oh, they have not passed off copper for 
 gold, as these have done." 
 
 " Let me see the devotees now," said I to 
 my conductor ; " they are a species of hu- 
 manity that will divert me." 
 
 " You are right ; these are the fools of hell ; 
 it will be more instructive to look at them 
 than those of this apartment." 
 
 As Ave repassed the chambers we had 
 visited, I heard some one exclaim, " Look
 
 108 HELL. 
 
 at this poor devil, who knows not where to 
 bestow himself; Curiosity is seeking a lodg- 
 ing for him." 
 
 " Signor," said one of them to me, " re- 
 main here, with the devil's permission, if yoii 
 cannot be accommodated elsewhere." 
 
 I passed by without answer, not wishing 
 to hold any intercourse with the damned. I 
 found in this place monks and devotees who 
 had hated one another so rancorously, that 
 they had abused the most holy things of re- 
 ligion, and wasted the time of the church in 
 giving vent to their malice, and afterwards 
 would excuse their conduct in terms not used 
 in the world but to express the most moral, 
 sacred, and holy actions. 
 
 " Ah, what hypocrites," said the devil ; 
 *' it would have been better for them, if, they 
 h ad_deUv^red_JliemselT^^ 
 pleasures, they concfíaled-undíii:-jÜie_jij)near~~' 
 ances^wttdrdéceive the vulgar." 
 
 In'liiTÓÜíeFprnTTHéjnv^rFpmying after this 
 fashion : — " Lord, let my father soon taste 
 the joys of Paradise, that I may take pos- 
 session of his estate." — " Lord, take speedily
 
 HET.T.. 109 
 
 my uncle to thy bosom, tliat I may have his 
 beneiice.*" — -* Great saint, make me for 
 túnate at play ; disdain not my prayer ; grant 
 that my children may contract opulent mar- 
 riages, and prosper in the world." — " Let 
 my daughter espouse the noble Spaniard." — 
 They uttered other supplications fully as ex- 
 travagant, and added promises and vows. — 
 " I will give a hundr ed crowns to the poo r, 
 orname nts to mx_c hurch, ado wry to six^ nn- 
 happy orphan sj^ two wax tapers, and a chap- . 
 letjqf_flí^jí.e£á^o_ourTady.'' — " Twill wear a 
 dark coloured habit7' said one girl ; " and I 
 a white," said another. The first replies, 
 " I am V^T-mTPttPj.. tViP vinlptu ^suits my com- 
 plexion ;",jJi e s e cond, <^ I am -xgji^jhg^adiite 
 becomes me .best/' 
 
 Next to this apartinent was that of women 
 and girls who had been lovers, and whose 
 number was very considerable. As the his- 
 tory of their folly was similar, I felt unwilling 
 to listen to it, but traversed their chamber 
 without stopping, and entered into the quarter 
 of the poets, to have the satisfaction of be 
 holding the great geniuses of antiquity. There 
 K
 
 lio HELL. 
 
 I was much surprised to find Homer, sitting 
 in the midst of the Grecian poets, and reading 
 his own Iliad, he who had been so blind du- 
 ring his life. I was tempted to ask him some 
 questions respecting his works, and had an 
 idea he would reply in verse. With this 
 view I walked round the circle that was 
 formed, and spoke in these terms to the 
 prince of poets : — " O, illustrious Homer ! 
 light of the universe ! author of the most sub- 
 lime fictions ! the beauty and price of thy 
 writings surpass the grandeur of the king of 
 Spain, the wisdom of Charlemagne, the abun- 
 dance of Ceres, the girdle of the Graces, the 
 tenderness of Venus, the delicacies of Bac- 
 chus, the brightness of Aurora, the height of 
 heaven, the depth of hell, the vastidity of 
 the ocean, and the variety of the world, a 
 Spaniard who wants neither spirit nor courage, 
 of Quevedo, demands of thee if the victory 
 thou hast attributed to the Greeks before Troy 
 truly belongs to them ; and if Paris, that ten- 
 der lover, actually in vain took so much 
 trouble to carry off their chaste Helen." 
 Homer, rubbing his eyes, answered me
 
 HELL. Ill 
 
 thus :— " Here there must needs be smcerity 
 and truth ; for we pay dearly for the boldness 
 and obloquy, that weak mortals admire : our 
 torments are eternal. I never was in Ionia : 
 I passed my life in Greece ; to honour this 
 nation I sacked Troy ; a city strong, rich, 
 fortunate, and always victorious, and that was 
 finally destroyed by an earthquake. Helen, 
 to whom I have accorded the honours of fidel- 
 ity, was the least scrupulous of all our frail 
 damsels. Leave me to relent over what hath 
 charmed all the poets of the world. Go from 
 this place, and tell mortals you found me 
 reading, against my inclination, those works 
 that have attained the universal suffrage." 
 
 His discourse afi'ected me. I pitied this 
 old man, who wept upon reading his poems ; 
 but I reflected that he had invented all those 
 fabulous incidents, to which both pagans and 
 Christians are equally attached. Homer, this 
 genius who knew how to assume so many 
 changes, had he need to endow with heavenly 
 powers, those brave men whom he sent to 
 the siege of Troy ? he might have created 
 heroes, without making them gods : to be
 
 112 HELL. 
 
 sure, it is always permitted to poets to feign 
 and magnify their subjects ; or, in other 
 words, the subjects thus aggrandised and ex- 
 alted to heaven have no sublimity but in poesy 
 and upon paper, like the figures that painters 
 trace on canvass, or sculptors upon marble 
 How could the Greeks mistake and worship 
 gods wlio had such an origin ? however the 
 thing has happened. Homer is the cause, and 
 now mourna over his poetry and himself ;^ he 
 has for companions in misery, his disciples 
 and imitators. Ought this not to serve as a 
 lesson to living poets, who, abusing their ta- 
 lents, compose and read seductive works, 
 causing those who think themselves in a con- 
 dition to do the like, to lose their time, and 
 often corrupting the heart in recreating the 
 mind. 
 
 From this chamber I passed into that of the 
 Latin poets. Ovid and Virgil there disputed 
 the throne. Horace chafed that he was not 
 admitted into the contest, and Martial reveng- 
 ed himself upon them by a piquant epigram. 
 Horace protested against the whole proceeding 
 of tlie two first ; h^ demanded arbitrators, and
 
 HELL. 113 
 
 nominated on his own behalf Scaliger, who 
 has declared that he would rather have been 
 the author of the ninth ode, than the pos- 
 sessor of the crown of Arragon ; but they 
 would not notice him. The other poets es- 
 poused the party that suited them best : many 
 declared for Seneca the tragedian, for Terence, 
 and Plautus. These last, read in a corner pf 
 the chamber the finest passages of their com- 
 positions. They now began to talk of set- 
 tling the dispute with blows : fearing, there- 
 fore, that I might get an unlucky hit in the 
 melee, I left the place, and passed hastily into 
 the chambers of the Spaniards, Italians, 
 French, English, Turkish, Chinese, and Per- 
 sian. I noticed the ancient Gaulish poets, 
 crowned with misletoe of the oak, making 
 processions, and singing the histories of their 
 first kings. 
 
 " Here, upon this side," said Curiosity to 
 me, " is a chamber of perfumers ; they have 
 fine scents for the gratification of the damned ; 
 but you would hardly be able to bear them." 
 
 " I will take," said I, " a pinch of 
 snufi"." 
 
 k2
 
 114 HELL. 
 
 I drew forth my box, helped myself, and 
 offered it to my devil ; he filled his nose, but 
 from the titilation he felt in his olfactories, he 
 withdrew his fingers, when he began to sneeze 
 in such a manner, and with such a noise, that 
 hell itself seemed sinking under us, he belched 
 forth fire from his nose, as lightning flashes 
 from a cloud ; he put his fore-finger to it, 
 and there issued forth a rivulet of liquid sul- 
 phur, which uniting with his saliva, formed 
 a torrent of boiling water, that flowed across 
 the chamber, and passed through the doors 
 and windows ; without that I believe I should 
 have been drowned. These %vaters fell upon 
 people underneath, who began to call for 
 help, thinldng a river of melted sulphur and 
 pitch fell upon them. The devil laughed 
 heartily at this disorder, and told me my 
 snuflf was excellent : he asked for another 
 pinch ; I did not dare to refuse him, because 
 he was in his own house ; and such a refusal 
 might, perhaps, have made him regard me 
 as impolite. But this time, when I put 
 my fingers into the box, the powder took fire 
 as if it had been saltpetre, and burnt in my
 
 HELL. 115 
 
 hands, at which accident I was not sorry, 
 being apprehensive of another disorder, simi- 
 lar to the first. 
 
 We then entered the chamber of the per- 
 fumers : they were occupied in extracting 
 essences of intolerable odours, which are as 
 agreeable to them as jessamine, tuberose, 
 orange, and others in use among the men and 
 women of our world : they made these es- 
 sences from the oil of the box tree, from wax, 
 jet, and yellow amber. Their pomatums were 
 composedof galbanum, assafoetida, rosin, pitch, 
 and turpentine. I was informed that these 
 were for the use of the ladies of hell, who 
 were served by the perfumers, and who were, 
 at the same time, obliged to use their com- 
 pounds, in obedience to the laM's of Lucifer. 
 
 From thence, we proceeded along a broad 
 aisle, which terminated at an elevated pavilion, 
 the apartment of the astrologers and magicians. 
 I met at the door a chiromancer, who desired 
 to inspect my hand. I extended it without 
 ceremony ; but scarcely had I touched his, 
 before I was glad to withdraw it, it seemed so 
 hot and fiery.
 
 116 HELL. 
 
 " I have remarked at a glance," said he, 
 " that you will be happy if you are prudent." 
 
 " And you," said I, " what have you no- 
 ticed with regard to your own ?" 
 
 "I knew," replied he, "by the mount of 
 Saturn, that I was to be damned." 
 
 " Ah, well ! if you had exercised the pru- 
 dence you recommend to me, you would not 
 have been here." 
 
 I passed without further speech, and saw a 
 man, who, with compasses, measured upon a 
 globe, the distances between the celestial signs : 
 *' what are you doing, good man ?" said I. 
 
 " Ah, God !" replied he, " if I had been 
 born but half an hour sooner, when Saturn 
 changed his aspect, and Mars lodged in tlie 
 house of life, my salvation had been certain." 
 
 The others made similar observations, so 
 that one could hardly forbear laughing at their 
 complaints. There came up one named Tais- 
 nerius, author of a book upon physiognomy 
 and chiromancy, who gazed in my face for 
 such a length of time, that he quite embar- 
 rassed me. 
 
 '•You look like an old burnt shoe," said I
 
 HELL. ~ 117 
 
 to him; ''go your way; do not stop so near 
 me." 
 
 " Look at tliis beggar," said he ; " see how 
 he affects the man of consequence, because 
 he wears a sword by his side, and hath the 
 cross of Saint James ! What a physiognomy ! 
 What an aspect ! What a figure ! This man 
 goes straight to the gibbet : besides, there is 
 Jiere neither wealth nor raixlt ; ail are equal.'* 
 
 " Insolent fellow," said I ; " if I draw my 
 sword, I will teach you how to speak to a 
 man of honour ; have you not had experience 
 enough to be wise ? you ought to bear in 
 mind the correction you received in Portugal, 
 for treating a gentleman in the same indeco- 
 rous manner you have me ; but you are in- 
 corrigible." 
 
 " Taisnarius," said my devil, "get into 
 your hole, and draw your own horoscope." 
 
 After this trifling dispute, we advanced, and 
 encountered many astrologers, among whom 
 were Hali, Gerard of Cremona, Barthelemi 
 of Parma, a certain personage by the name of 
 Tondin, and Cornelius Agrippa. The mo- 
 ment this last perceived me, he cried out that
 
 118 HELL. 
 
 *' the world did him injustice, in calling him 
 Agrippa the black — in accusing him of magic, 
 and other similar things, for which, he averred, 
 he had not been damned : that he was born 
 m an age of ignorance, when good physicians 
 passed for magicians, astrologers for sorcerers, 
 and all learned men for people who had con- 
 verse with the devil ; that his book upon the 
 Cabaja, was nothing more but a satire upon 
 the cabalistic art of the Jews, and the little 
 key of Solomon ; and finally, the bo^k itself 
 might be taken as a criterion of his faith, in 
 those things by which they deceived the sim- 
 ple, and of the vanity of that science. I am 
 no more a magician," continued he, " than 
 Cardan, whom you can see if you wish." 
 " Why then have you been damned ?" 
 *' Because I abused my knowledsre, and 
 amused myself with people's credulity ; if I 
 had indeed been a magician, I should have 
 become penitent, and been saved." 
 
 While I was speaking, I heard a tremen- 
 dous uproar, proceeding from another apart- 
 ment, and inquiring the cause, was informed 
 the Turks were fighting ; and as I happened
 
 HELL. 119 
 
 to understand their language, discovered the 
 quarrel was, in fact, between Mahomet and 
 the two prophets, who had each established 
 a sect in the Mahometan law. Mahomet 
 complained very bitterly against Ali, because 
 he had given to the Persians a false Alcoran, 
 and because Albubekir had so illy explained 
 his own, in Africa. He, on the contrary, 
 maintained that the Alcoran could have no 
 other meaning, than what he had attached to 
 it. Ali asserted, there was no reason in this 
 law ; and furthermore, he contended, that Ma- 
 homet himself knew nothing about the book 
 he had composed. Tliey chafed furiously 
 upon this, and cried out, as if enraged to mad- 
 ness ; I heard their dialogue, but do not wish 
 to be the herald of their quarrels. This was 
 gentleness itself, compared with what passed 
 among the heretic and schismatic Christians ; 
 there I savv^ Luther in the habit of the Augus- 
 tine order, with his monks about him, and a 
 pot of wine on the table. " Do the dead 
 drink," said I, " to the devil ?" 
 
 " Not at all ; but this wine is set before 
 their eyes, for the purpose of tormenting them
 
 120 HELt. 
 
 with the signt oi what they loved so well ; it 
 is for the same reason, that Luther has his 
 Avife with him." 
 
 INIelancthon was also there ; he wept con- 
 tinually, and w^as so unquiet, that he could 
 not remain an instant at rest : he traversed 
 from right to left upon all sides, and then re- 
 turned to the place from whence he set out, 
 only to recommence the same journey. " AVhat 
 is this man doing ?" said I to Curiosity. 
 
 " He imitates the conduct he pursued in 
 the world ; for there he was alternately with 
 Luther and the church ; sometimes a Zuing- 
 lian, and sometimes a Calvinist ; thus are the 
 inconstant tormented. This good old man 
 whom you see here, is Erasmus ; this other 
 is Grotius ; unhappily, they neither of them 
 had any religion. This man, who appears 
 so sour, and is surrounded with ministers, is 
 Calvin, who brought about the reformation. 
 These others, are heretics of the first ages, 
 who are here for being reluctant to submit to 
 legitimate authority. See the great Photius, 
 patriarch of Constantinople, how the Greeks 
 surround him : he is justly punished for
 
 HELL. 121 
 
 having qiiitlccl the ministry for the patriarch- 
 ate ; if he had remained in a civil station 
 he would have been saved ; but being mixed 
 up in ecclesiastical affairs, he committed so 
 much wickedness, that he now suffers no 
 more than he deserves." 
 
 " A man so learned !" said I to the devil. 
 
 " Yes, too much so ; and too much know- 
 ledge is often more injurious than profitable." 
 
 I began now to tire of hell, and fatigued 
 with my walk, intimated a desire to my con- 
 ductor to depart, and to be accompanied by 
 him as far as the gate. He replied, he wished 
 first to show me the apartment of the contrac- 
 tors, whom I had not yet seen, and which 
 was upon a line with that in which we were. 
 I then entered into the chambers of these far- 
 mers of the revenue, and was surprised to see 
 such a multitude, each habited in the garb of 
 his own country. " There are here, then," 
 said I, " people from all quarters of the 
 globe." 
 
 " Yes," replied the devil, " since there are 
 every where imposts." 
 
 *' But why," demanded I, " are these peo- 
 L
 
 122 HELL. 
 
 pie damned, who have levied the lawful tri- 
 bute of legitimate princes ? I have read in the 
 scripture that it is lawful to pay tribute unto 
 Caesar : how shall this tribute be paid, unless 
 there are people to collect it? must one be 
 damned for doing a duty ?" 
 
 " Hold, hold," cried the demon ; " not 
 ^uite so much philosophy ; these contractors 
 were full as philosophical as you are; but 
 it is nevertheless true, if they had only levied 
 the tribute due to their prince, they would not 
 have been damned ; but they raised one not 
 due, either to the prince or to themselves : 
 they would have been much better off, liad 
 they not made so much expense, and the 
 prince had given them but a shilling for a 
 pound. Calculate, for a moment, what an 
 enormous sum is requisite, for the compensa- 
 tion of the host of subalterns attached to an 
 office ; consider then, how much the principal 
 must gain ; add to that, what goes into the 
 coffers of the king, without mentioning what 
 is styled the perquisites, and you will find 
 that not more thaDjDne_per_ceiitJiíLtlie__ducat3 
 are realized at the treasury : and that, he
 
 HELL. 123 
 
 w ho gfíts jj^einost^is doubtless the farmer. 
 If the king of Spain would oblige them to 
 send straight to him the custom on exports 
 and imports, he would profit by that the con- 
 tractors get. There needs but one commis- 
 sary, for all the revenues of the king, in each 
 office ; he should supervise all the books 
 and accounts, contenting himself with a gen- 
 erous salary for his care, punishing frauds by 
 pecuniary fines, and by corporeal inflictions 
 for second oflences. T£ thp m^tter Wfís tfívis 
 
 managpj: ! , iho Irinor -umnlrl hp yjpVipr , qnri tqvp g 
 
 less ; the people wonld be less burthenej , 
 and'almÓst all this great number of contrac- 
 tors, would remain in commerce, in the army, 
 or country. How much should you say," 
 demanded the devil, "-the king received, of 
 what is annually taken from the royal 
 mines?" 
 
 " About three quarters," replied I. 
 
 " He would be too well ofi"," exclaimed he, 
 with a cry of admiration ; "he does not get 
 the thousandth part ; all goes in outfits, in 
 expenses ; and I verily believe, that if these 
 things are to continue thus, the king would
 
 124 HELL. 
 
 gain more by closing them, than in causing 
 them to be worked." 
 
 " At present," said I, " there is a neces- 
 sity of levying imposts, of having contractors, 
 and paying them well : the neighbouring 
 princes do the same, to furnish their charges 
 and expences of war : if this is an evil, it is 
 one that must be endured, to preserve the 
 whole body politic from destruction. But 
 how is it possible, you can so vehemently 
 dislike the gentlemen of the revenue, who 
 form by far the largest part of your infernal 
 population ?" 
 
 " It is the force of reason," answered he, 
 " that compels even demons to avow the 
 truth, and both to love and detest tlie wicked- 
 ness we are desirous of detecting in others, 
 to make them companions of our misery." 
 
 " I admire," said I, *' the force of truth ; 
 and I admire not less to see injustice hated, 
 even among the unjust ; but I cannot com- 
 prehend, why you should say, that however 
 legitimate the tribute due to the prince, the 
 contractors cannot conscientiously take tlie 
 public money."
 
 HELL. 125 
 
 " You misapprehend me ; that they can 
 do ; but the farmers collect more money than 
 is consistent with equity, or the orders of the 
 prince ; they extort that which should be use- 
 ful for the maintenance of the public weal : 
 it is of this charge, of this waste, the con 
 tractors are guilty." 
 , " I understand you," said I to the demon ; 
 " but conduct me from hence, for 1 am 
 weary." 
 
 He continued : — " Do you comprehend 
 what I say, that it is the contractors who are 
 most happy and rich ? and from whence come 
 those superb mansions, as magnificently fur- 
 nished as the Escurial palace ? how can they 
 support such enormous expences ? entertain 
 so many gentlemen ? give their daughters such 
 ample dowries ? contract advantageous alli- 
 ances with the noblest families of Castile and 
 Arragon? Such an one shall command to- 
 day, and be covered in the king's presence, 
 who a year since drove a chariot, or stood 
 behind a carriage. Another, who hired his 
 land, shall presently purchase the farm he 
 formerly cultivated. Appointed a subaltern 
 l2
 
 126 HELL. 
 
 in one of ihe offices, he soon becomes ita 
 head, and is elevated by degrees to the no- 
 bility." 
 
 The demon having finished, I thanked 
 him, and wishing to impress the lesson on 
 my memory, engaged him to repeat it. He 
 summed up the whole in the following man- 
 ner : — " Observe neither what reason or the 
 law prescribes to thee, respect neither God 
 nor the king, lay the peasantry under contri- 
 bution, succumb to the great, become a great 
 proprietary farmer, cause the purchaser to pay 
 you twice for what you sell : to put out of 
 sight the baseness of your origin, obtain an 
 appointment in one of the bureaux, and ac- 
 custom yourself to command ; for by these 
 gradations one may arrive at the highest dig- 
 nities." 
 
 *' What signifies all that," said one of the 
 contractors, who listened to our discourse ; 
 " is it not natural for a person to elevate him- 
 s-elf if he can ? Is it not the order of Provi- 
 dence, that the lofty should be abased, and 
 the humble exalted ? Fortune is but a wheel, 
 which in its revolutions puts underneatl)
 
 HELL. 127 
 
 what but now was on top. If tlie subjects 
 were more attached to the government, the 
 sovereign would have less need of imposts, 
 and consequently of collectors. If they were 
 perfectly just, they would not need a king. 
 To complain of our avarice is to accuse hea- 
 ven ; instead of which only the impenetrability 
 of individuals should be reproached, who 
 would rather see a great kingdom like Spain 
 entirely overthrown, than advance a single 
 real to repair the slightest breach. Know, 
 Signor Devil, who has delivered such a phi- 
 lippic against the contractors, that we have 
 been to our country, what the bones and 
 muscles are to the human body, or numerous 
 armies to a province threatened with an in- 
 vasion : if the king of hell would but consult 
 with us, we should teach him to fortify his 
 dominions in such a manner, thaf they would 
 be impregnable to both saints and angels. In 
 the first place, I would lay a tax upon every 
 demon who plies his occupation in the world : 
 secondly, I would establish a daily employ- 
 ment for each soul in the infernal world : 
 thirdly, I would make the magicians and sor-
 
 128 HELL. 
 
 cerers pay an annual tribute : this will be 
 done, for I have heard the king of the demons 
 was about to organise a council of financiers ; 
 and this is a subject that might well engage 
 even the attention of that celebrated English- 
 man, who invented the first paper currency 
 of England." 
 
 " And wherefore," said the demon, *' im- 
 pose a tax on us ? AVhat will you do when 
 we refuse to pay ? Can you confiscate our 
 estates ? In what prisons will you confine 
 us when you have decreed our arrest ? We 
 sliould mock at all your projects : ah, little 
 man ! you grow licentious ! you must be 
 chained up ; come, obey ; extend your hands 
 and legs." 
 
 " I shall do neither the one nor the other," 
 said the contractor ; " you are not here our 
 master ; I will call the financial council to- 
 gether ; and I am going this instant to de- 
 nounce you to the grand inquisition, because 
 you resist paying tribute to the king of 
 Spain." 
 
 " I laugh at your inquisition," said the de- 
 mon, and to be beforehand with you, I will
 
 HELL. 129 
 
 denounce you to the prince of devils himself : 
 come, quick, obey ,'^extend your hands and 
 legs." 
 
 The contractor found himself loaded with 
 irons, in spite of his remonstrances : the devil 
 then went into the apartment of Che inquisitors 
 to subject them to the same treatment, and af- 
 terwards returned to accompany me to the 
 gate, as I had requested. 
 
 " These insolents," muttered he, " these 
 insects ! what pride ! what rodomontades ! 
 was there ever seen such supercilious knaves ? 
 But I will humble them in such a manner, 
 and make them suffer so much, that they will 
 have no stomach to talk of imposts and 
 taxes." 
 
 When we had left these contractors, (whom 
 I regard as the most unhappy class in hell, 
 because, let them do ever so much good to 
 the prince or to the state, let them be ever so 
 upright in their administration, nay, even if 
 they were angels, they could not escape ac- 
 cusation and hatred) our attention was attract- 
 ed by an immense crowd, which had arrived 
 and filled up the avenue in such a manner,^
 
 130 HELL. 
 
 that we could not pass, and so were obliged to 
 fall back to the opposite gate. " Who are 
 these people ?" inquired I of the demon. 
 
 " They are," replied he, " a corps of tailors ; 
 they arrive here in crowds, like great armies, 
 and when they come, all the demons are put 
 in requisition to confine them ; my duty com- 
 pels me to assist; go with me, and amuse 
 yourself with our proceedings." 
 
 We made our way through this crowd of 
 tailors, and arrived at length, before a great 
 furnace, the mouth of which was more than 
 ten fathoms in diameter. There they bound 
 these tailors in faggots, putting from ten to a 
 dozen in each bundle : they fastened each one 
 by the feet, and then brought a rope about 
 the whole package, and afterwards suspend- 
 ing the faggot to a hook, which was elevated 
 by means of a pulley, over the centre of the 
 furnace, a devil detached it, and let it fall into 
 the fire. Sometimes the tailors who had their 
 arms free, grasped so firmly the pulley, that 
 the devil had an infinite deal of trouble to 
 loose their hold : when that took place, he 
 caused the whole mass to make a pirouette in
 
 HEM.. 121 
 
 the air, and as the motion was violent, tlie 
 tailors vv-ere always forced to let go, and drop 
 into the fire. It happened that one of these 
 faggots fell outside the aperture, upon a quan- 
 tity of others, which were ranged like a pile 
 of wood, and which the devil measured. Tlie 
 individuals of this faggot, seized hold of the 
 others in such a manner, that they could not 
 separate them ; so that the devils who united 
 their strength for that purpose, were obliged 
 to take the whole pile, attach it to the hook, 
 and let it all go together. The mass was so 
 great, that it seemed as if it would choke the 
 fire of hell. The devils bestirred themselves, 
 and finally made an end of the tailors ; they 
 then cast in a great quantity of oil, tallow, and 
 sulphur, and stirring them up with long iron 
 tormentors, and employing large bellows, the 
 fire caught all at once, and raised a flame, that 
 rose above the mouth of the furnace more than 
 three hundred feet. All the tailors having 
 been cast into the fire, their demon general, 
 with a haughty and severe air, came to de- 
 mand of me, why I had not been bound with 
 the others.
 
 132 HELL. ^ 
 
 " Because," said I to him, " I am not a 
 tailor, a rogue, a thief, neither a cabbager of 
 stuff nor money ; I am here with my com- 
 panion, Curiosity, to inspect the beauties 
 and antiquities of this country." 
 
 " You are a liar," replied the general ; 
 " you are one of my subjects ; I know you 
 by your strait-cut dress, which, without doubt, 
 you have made out of tlie clippings of some 
 other ; come, obey ; cast yourself into the 
 fire, or I will throw you in." 
 
 As he was about to bind me, my demon in- 
 formed the general that I was not yet dead ; 
 that I had never been of any trade, and that 
 he believed I should not be one of their sub- 
 jects, because those who descended quick into 
 hell, conducted themselves afterwards in such 
 a manner, as not to revisit it after death ; fur- 
 thermore, the cross of Saint James, (which I 
 carried,) would inspire fear, and cause false 
 alarms in the bosoms of the damned." 
 
 " Come hither, then," said the general, 
 " and profit by what you sen ; you know, at 
 least, that tailors are the fuel of hell, and serve 
 to burn those that come hither."
 
 HELL. ISf} 
 
 My demon advised me to go promptly, be- 
 cause if the general should get angry, he 
 miglit do me a mischief. In walking along, 
 he informed me the unhappy tailors were so 
 numerous, that they not only fed the great 
 furnace of hell, which warmed all the apart- 
 ments, but also furnished the table of Lucifer, 
 when he had a mind to feast. 
 
 " How !" exclaimed I, " Lucifer eat ? Can 
 spirits eat?" 
 
 "Do you not know," replied he, "that the 
 damned are as the herb the sheep eateth, and 
 that death is this sheep ? Have you not read 
 in your sacred books, that death devoureth 
 the damned? Mors depascet eos.'''' 
 
 While he was speaking, we met a troop of 
 booksellers, at whose head was one Peter 
 Marteau, a publisher, of Cologne; he was 
 loaded with a burden so unwieldy, that it was 
 impossible to comprehend how any one man 
 could bear it. They informed me, these were 
 the books printed under his name, after his 
 death. The booksellers of Holland were also 
 very heavily laden ; and those of France bore 
 also the books struck oíF at their houses, with 
 iM
 
 134 
 
 HELL. 
 
 the title of a Dutch bookseller. These people 
 were carrying their books to the furnace, but 
 were prevented by a singular accident : a de- 
 mon, who passed by with a flambeau, ap- 
 proaching to look at them, their papers caught 
 fire, and instantly spread from one to another 
 through the whole body : when they perceiv- 
 ed the flame, they threw down their loads, 
 and fled with all convenient speed. I asked 
 them why they were damned : tliey answered, 
 for the faults of others. 
 
 "An author," observed they, "often car- 
 ries a work to the printer, which has no merit, 
 and besides, as unsaleable as a girl, ugly and 
 poor: by this means the printer is ruined; 
 in vain he curses the author, and seeks to re- 
 imburse himself by the sale of an unpopular 
 book ; this book is the cause of his failure ; 
 his creditors seize his goods and shop ; he 
 maddens, and resigns himself to despair. A 
 translator, who understands Greek, undertakes 
 a dull work ; sometimes he supposes he has 
 discovered a manuscript ; he carries his trans- 
 lation to the printer, who, not being able to 
 get rid of it, sells the leaves to the grocer or
 
 HELL. 135 
 
 butter woman. Another cause of our damna- 
 tion ; a booKseller sells at a handsome profit, 
 the satires of Juvenal, the comedies of 
 Terence, and of other poets, as those of Virgil 
 and Ovid ; a lackey, a shop-boy, a soldier, a 
 clerk, purchase these works, and amuse them- 
 selves among serving girls, with what cost 
 long study to these men of genius. Without 
 mentioning other books we vend, and which 
 obtain circulation, only because they flatter 
 the taste or passions of the buyer, is it not 
 true, that a pretty story of gallantry, secret 
 memoirs, cabinet intrigues, which profess to 
 expose the designs of the government, or the 
 end of some great affair, are the most danger- 
 ous books ? and these are the kind we sell 
 best. Is it us, then, upon whom reproach 
 ought to fall, or on the readers ?" 
 
 " He speaks advisedly," said a Holland 
 ])ublisher ; " we have put to press all the follies 
 of certain authors, who wished to revenge 
 themselves, either upon a mistress, judge, 
 minister of state, or prince ; and for this we 
 must needs be adjudged guilty of other's faults, 
 and share their punishment ! but that would
 
 136 HELL. 
 
 have been ylight, if we had not meddled v.ith 
 books of religion. We have published in 
 Holland the works of all parties ; Chris- 
 tians, Jews, Catholics, Protestants, Socinians, 
 Quakers, and every other sect ; and often in 
 the same book, sold both sides of the con- 
 troversy." 
 
 " You have then,'* said I, *' no religion !" 
 '* We are," replied the Dutchman, " the 
 historians of authors ; and as a historian must 
 have neither relations, country, friends, nor 
 religion, even so we have none of these ; but 
 under the name of citizens of the world, have 
 but one object, and that, the advancement of 
 our own interests." 
 
 Immediately upon these words, he hastily 
 lied with the others, to re-assemble themselves 
 near the demon of the book merchants, who 
 called for his whole crew. I felt great com- 
 passion at the fate oí these unhappy wretches, 
 condemned to hell, because they were brought 
 up to the profession of publishing the dreams 
 and extravagances of authors : it is worthy 
 also of reflection, that they are compelled to 
 consult the taste of the as^e, and of the multi-
 
 HELL. 137 
 
 tude. Now the taste of the ag-e is exceedingly 
 fickle : it is not that of learned men and wits ; 
 books of moralit^^ and criticism are purchased 
 much less readily than novels and profane 
 histories ; so that book merchants, in their 
 condition, have an unhappiness that attaches 
 itself to no other trade, independently of the 
 fact, that this business is not held in the 
 same estimation at the present day, that it 
 formerly was. They were then ranked with 
 men of letters ; they were admitted to the bar 
 and church ; the cardinal Ximenes bestowed 
 on them great preferments ; he ennobled him 
 who published the famous Bible cfarrias 
 montars. We see, in his time, publishers 
 who possessed rich abbeys and seats in the 
 council. And what was not done for them 
 by the fifth Sixtus, that incomparable genius 1 
 In France, they arrived at great distinction, 
 and have been seen in the first posts of the 
 principal cities of the kingdom ; and we know 
 that a celebrated emperor of Germany, was 
 one of the first publishers, if not himself the 
 inventor of printing. But to return from this 
 digression : when the book merchants were , 
 m2
 
 138 HELL. 
 
 re-assembled, the notaries, who had just ar- 
 rived, wished to place themselves in their 
 ranks ; but the devil used his authority to 
 separate them, averring that there was, in 
 fact, a vast difference. 
 
 " Without doubt," said the notaries, " we 
 are the book merchants of manuscripts ; we 
 compose and publish our works, to which the 
 public accord the same faith, as to things they 
 have themselves seen ; we are faithful public 
 witnesses, the guarantees of contracts, pro- 
 mises, and obligations ; the guardians of titles, 
 rights, and privileges ; our testimony is true, 
 infallible ; above suspicion, deceit, and fraud." 
 
 "Why," said the devil, " are you come to 
 hell ? for if you fulfilled those duties, you are 
 honest people, and I declare, not only useful, 
 but necessary to the public ; for, between our- 
 selves, there is so little public sincerity, that 
 if one could not prove, by writings and wit- 
 nesses, the price at which he bought or sold, 
 he would often find himself cheated of his 
 money." 
 
 " It is," said one of the notaries, " for some 
 antedates or superfluous ciphers, that we are
 
 HELL. 139 
 
 damned; judge you, if the matter is of such 
 vital consequence: one is so often deceived 
 by writings, and one figure is so easily sub- 
 stituted for another; — the pen too, shps some- 
 times, and a nought is so easily made!" 
 
 "You are right, in truth," said the devil, 
 addressing himself to me ; ' ' they wrong these 
 poor people, in sending them to us; they 
 have committed trifling faults, while they do 
 not punish the apothecaries, even, for putting 
 up the recipes sent them. I have a great 
 mind to send these unfortunate persons home 
 again. — Go, return, my friends; you have 
 suffered great injustice." 
 
 " And we also," said the corps of bank- 
 rupts; for they had done them the honour to 
 separate them from the merchants, who had 
 dealt honestly. 
 
 "As to you, Signors," said the devil, "en- 
 ter into the furnace, without further examina- 
 tion: we leave it to the notaries to enter at 
 pleasure; they have within them a torment 
 as cruel as fire; it is conscience, that never 
 yet respected any person," 
 
 "Oh, oh! ah, ah!" cried the bankrupts
 
 140 HELL. 
 
 if they had not wronged us, we should have 
 kept our faith with eveTv one : would you, 
 because we were cheated, that we should 
 send our families to the almshouse ?" 
 
 " I did not go to Holland, or to the islands, 
 when I failed," said one ; *' I shut myself up 
 in a private room in my house, and there ne- 
 gotiated, through my wife, with my creditors, 
 making each one to remit a part of his just 
 claims : you know what M'ould have happen- 
 ed, had I appeared ; there is seldom much 
 charity among creditors." 
 
 " I," said another, " did much better ; for 
 I transported from Madrid to Venice all the 
 merchandises I had collected, changed my 
 name, and after having made a fortune upon 
 these goods, paid the principal, on condition 
 they would remit the interest : was there not 
 in this bankruptcy, good faith, justice, and 
 prudence ?" 
 
 " Yes," replied the devil, " and I cannot 
 conceive on what grounds you were condemn- 
 ed ; it is very evident it must have been for 
 something else." 
 
 "No," continued the man, it was for this
 
 HELL. HI 
 
 very thing; because they pretend that for 
 these twenty years, I have injured my cre- 
 ditors, in depriving them of the enjoyment and 
 possession of their property ; consider, Signer 
 devil, if I am under an obligation to repair 
 this damage ? would it not only be ridiculous, 
 but render them guilty of usury towards 
 me." 
 
 "Ah! the honest man," said the devil; 
 " why do they send to us folks so upright and 
 sincere ? but my friend," continued he, " you 
 have the ill luck to be found in bad company ; 
 we cannot help you ; arm yourself, therefore, 
 with courage, and prepare to support the suf- 
 ferings to which the bankrupts are destined ; 
 you will be forced to accustom yourself to 
 much pain ; but console yourself, by uniting 
 your complaints with those of your comrades." 
 
 Directly the devil stamped upon the pave- 
 ment, where the publishers, notaries, and 
 bankrupts stood, when a trap door, springing 
 open, engulphed them all, and closed itself as 
 before. 
 
 At this stage of my dream, I was awakened 
 by a serenade of violins and hautboys, that
 
 142 HELL. 
 
 some one gave to a young lady of the house. 
 I immediately arose, and looking from the 
 window, saw a number of young men, who, 
 after a prelude upon their instruments, began 
 to sing. As there was no window but mine 
 open, they imagined they beheld the beauty 
 to whom their homage was addressed ; and 
 to amuse myself at their expense, I threw 
 out a splendid handkerchief, which one of 
 them eagerly caught ; he kissed it more than 
 an hundred times ; then putting a diamond, 
 worth thirty pistoles, into a purse, threw it 
 into my chamber, with a billet couched in 
 these terms : — 
 
 " My charming princess, at night my heart 
 awakes for thee ; by day, I am only occupied 
 with your charms. I burn, M'ithout cessation, 
 with the love you have inspired ; when sliall 
 I have the happiness to express to you in 
 private, wliat I leel, and what your sik'uce 
 causes me to sutler ? one sweet line from your 
 hand, shall re-assure and console me. Speak, 
 and nothing can equal my happiness ; con- 
 tinue silent, my misery is at its height, and I 
 have no relief, but in death."
 
 HELL. 143 
 
 After perusing this billet, I answered it in 
 the following manner, the substance of which 
 was furnished by a song I happened to re- 
 member. 
 
 " When one reigns, or when one loves, the 
 pain is not without its pleasures ; solicitude 
 renders them more vivid. Happy prince ! 
 Happy lover ! it is not in vain you suf- 
 fer ; they will resist you but slightly, when 
 they themselves suffer from protracted re- 
 sistance ; yes, v/hen one reigns, or when 
 one loves, the pain is not without its plea- 
 sures." 
 
 I cast my billet from the window, and it 
 was soon taken up. The adventure seemed 
 to me very pleasant : behold what followed ; 
 I deposited in the bed of the fair, the diamond 
 that was designed for her, not being able to 
 keep it longer with honour, and without ex- 
 posing myself to the anger of the young lady, 
 who would soon know by what window it 
 entered. Upon retiring the next night, she 
 found it; she informed her lover of the dis- 
 covery, and he explained the whole affair. 
 She thanked me graciously for my gallantry ;
 
 Í44 HELL. 
 
 I gave her the billet I had rec-eived, and she 
 returned my handkerchief. The mistake arose 
 from my having lain, that night, in the cham- 
 ber ordinarily occupied by this young lady, 
 h^r bed having been removed to that of her 
 father, and on that account was unable, as 
 usual, to answer her gallant. She made me 
 the confidant of her attachment, and be- 
 sought my good offices with her father, 
 v.hich I so zealously used, that in less than 
 a month, I assisted at the marriage of these 
 lovers. 
 
 Those who interpret dreams, say, that the 
 one I had concerning hell, hardly presaged 
 this adventure. I pray those who read my 
 reveries, or nocturnal visions, to consider that 
 they contain more truth, than one would be 
 apt, at first, to imagine : by day they ought to 
 occupy themselves with thoughts upon hell, 
 as intently as they would in the most im- 
 portant affair ; or as they would seek the means 
 of deliverance, if shut up in prison, for a 
 crime against the state. One is damned for 
 a less oflence than the robbery of the trea- 
 sury, revolt, or parricide. Yes, for a much
 
 HELL. 145 
 
 slighter fault, one shall be eternally torment- 
 ed in hell. — Reflect often upon this, dear 
 readers, lest you have it to say, through the 
 interminable ages of futurity, " / could not 
 have thought it,''^
 
 146 REFORMATION' OF HELL. 
 
 SEVENTH NIGHT. 
 
 THE REFORMATION OF HELL. 
 
 As I promenaded one day in my garden, 
 thinking- of demons, which are always at the 
 back of every one, the foolish idea struck me, 
 that it would not be wholly useless to reform 
 my life. I felt a curiosity to see my evil de- 
 mon ; but, thought I to myself, if I should see 
 him I believe I should die with fear. No, 
 said I again, I should not be terrified, if he 
 would but show himself in a human shape. 
 After having repressed this improper curio- 
 sity, and resumed my composure, I heard a 
 man speaking to me ; and turning my eyes to 
 that side from whence the voice proceeded, I 
 perceived, through a grated door which sepa 
 rated the garden from the park, on the other 
 side, a gentleman of a good mien, who re- 
 quested me to open the eate, as he wished to 
 have some conversation with me. As he re 
 sembled a man with whom I had formerly 
 some misunderstanding, I refused ; but he
 
 REFORMATION OF HELL. H7 
 
 passed over it before I had the power to pre- 
 vent him. Immediately drawing my sword, I 
 set upon him; and he doing the same, parried 
 my thrusts and stood upon the defensive only. 
 As 1 perceived thaj his figure at one moment 
 contracted, and anon dilated to a huge magni- 
 tude, I began to suspect that he was either a 
 magician or a demon ; and stepping rearward 
 some paces, demanded who he was. He an- 
 swered that he was my demon, and wished 
 to render me a service. 
 
 " I have no need of such service," said I to 
 him ; " for demons are both deceptive and 
 malicious." 
 
 " No, no," replied he ; " fear nothing ; only 
 come with me." 
 
 Forthwith he transported me into the air, 
 and I soon lost sight of my house and garden. 
 in a short time we drew near the moon ; and 
 while passing, I gazed attentively upon those 
 valleys, mountains, and lakes, which are but 
 imperfectly perceived from the earth by the 
 aid of telescopes. The demon transported me 
 t > Sicily and set me down upon the summit 
 of a mountain covered with cinders vet hot.
 
 148 REFORMATION OF HELL. 
 
 which he told me was Etna. There was, 
 from this place, a very fine prospect ; one sees 
 all the beauties of the isle, and of the sur- 
 rounding seas : in the distance, the highlands 
 of Africa are distinguished, like fleecy clouds, 
 upon the verge of the horizon ; a multitude of 
 vessels were sailing in view, which seemed 
 like white ants, or flies, sporting upon the 
 surface of the ocean. After we had rested 
 there about one hour, the demon told me to 
 follow him. We descended into an aperture 
 from whence belched forth smoke and flame 
 that illumined the whole mountain. 
 
 " It is here," said the demon, " that Pliny 
 fell, when he had the temerity to approach too 
 near." 
 
 The whole way, as we proceeded, was 
 composed of rocks and fat earth, like bitumen, 
 and from time to time, might be seen veins of 
 sulphur. The rocks were full of litde crevi- 
 ces, from whence issued vapours and sulphur- 
 ous exhalations, and sometimes slight gusts of 
 wind. When we had travelled downwards 
 about the space of an hour, we came to a vast 
 cavern, into which we entered ; at its extremity
 
 REFORMATION OF HELL. 149 
 
 was an immense palace, hewn in the rock, 
 and elevated upon massive pillars. 
 
 " This," said the demon, " is the palace 
 of Lucifer. Let us enter into the great hall, 
 where we shall see him give a general au- 
 dience to the damned : listen attentively to 
 what shall be said ; examine the events that 
 take place, and let what you shall see serve 
 for your instruction." 
 
 The following is a correct account of what 
 I saw in these subterraneous abodes. — For a 
 long time, Lucifer, the ruler of hell had not 
 given audience to his subjects : the disorder 
 that ordinarily obtain in states from the negli- 
 gence of princes, are incidental as well among 
 demons as men. The evil spirits remained 
 sometimes for ages in the world, without ren- 
 dering any account of the souls they had 
 gained, and often suffered themselves to be 
 driven from the tenements of which they 
 were masters ; the address of some monk or 
 priest snatching from them their conquest. 
 Men performed in hell the office of demons ; 
 and as they frequently left their chains to seek 
 their enemies, battles were as common, as 
 N 2
 
 150 REFORMATION OF HELL 
 
 formerly between the Romans and Gauls. 
 Lucifer, either from a fear for his crown, or 
 weariness at seeing so many combats, resolv- 
 ed one day to hear, in general convention, the 
 complaints of the damned ; to introduce a re- 
 form among the demons ; to re-establish the 
 submission and obedience due to his sceptre, 
 and to extend the boundaries of his empire by 
 new conquests : this Avas very easy of execu- 
 tion, provided he would give access and free 
 parlance to his subjects, and compel his de- 
 mons to render an exact account of their ad- 
 ministrations. With this design he secretly 
 consulted with Belzebub, the prince of devils, 
 Belial, the governor-general of Pagan nations, 
 and Ashtaroth, the princess who commands all 
 women. At the termination of this council, cir- 
 cular letters w^ere published, which ordained 
 that all those who had complaints to prefer, 
 and all the demons scattered over the world, 
 should assemble upon an appointed day in the 
 great hall of the palace, wlien and where they 
 should be heard. 
 
 The day fixed being arrived, the hall was 
 presently filled, and measures taken, that as
 
 REFORMATION OF HELL. 151 
 
 soon as one party was heard, another should 
 enter. Lucifer was seated upon his golden 
 throne, having upon each side those princes I 
 have before mentioned. After having in- 
 veighed against the disorders prevalent in hell, 
 and stated his determination to rectify them, 
 he signified his permission to the standers by 
 to speak. At this intimation there arose an 
 old man of a haughty appearance, and having 
 a crown of laurel upon his head ; he read the 
 Roman laws touching parricides, and amplified 
 upon the ingratitude of natural and adopted 
 children towards their parents. 
 
 " The parties," said Belzebub to Lucifer, 
 " must be ordered, before commencing their 
 speeches, to announce their names, because 
 many of them have been dead a great length 
 of time." 
 
 Such a decree ^vas accordingly made : and 
 he who had now spoken about half an hour, said 
 that he was Julius Caesar, the first emperor 
 of the Romans. " Under the pretext of the 
 liberty of our common country," contined he, 
 " Brutus and Cassius, to gratify their ambi- 
 tion, assassinated me in the midst of the
 
 152 REFORMATION OF HELL. 
 
 sfenate, their enmity was not directed against 
 the empire and monarchy, which were, on 
 the contrary, the object of their desires; but 
 they hated the emperor, who had magnified 
 the Roman power, and extended its dominion 
 both north and east. Was the government 
 better administered in the hands of those sena- 
 tors, who, by their feuds and personal dis- 
 likes, perilled the salvation of the republic, 
 by resigning it into the hands of a perpetual 
 dictation, whom they were obliged shortly 
 afterwards to elect ? Rome having once tasted 
 the benefits of monarchy, preferred rather to 
 obey a Nero, a Tiberius, a Caligula, or a He- 
 liogabulus, than to re-establish this pretended 
 public liberty, for which Brutus and Cassius, 
 those two traitors, took up arms against the 
 father of their countiy." 
 
 He continued his discourse in this strain, 
 and concluded by moving, that they should be 
 treated in hell as assassins, public disturbers, 
 and traitors. 
 
 Brutus then arose, and with a trembling 
 voice, said: "Senators, you have heard 
 Caesar ; have you not been biassed by his
 
 REFORMATION OF HELL. 153 
 
 eloquence ? But will you forget tlie services 
 I have rendered? Remember the advice you 
 privately gave me, to encourage the glorious 
 design I had conceived in favour of your 
 liberty? Answer then to Caesar, that it was 
 by your advice I gave the fatal stab ; that if 
 the laws had not been abrogated and violated 
 by the formidable power of tyranny, you 
 would, yourselves, have put him to death 
 under the forms of justice ; and that your si- 
 lence, after the execution of my project, was 
 an evidence of your approbation." 
 
 Cassius, assuming the discourse, said he 
 would not undertake to plead his own cause 
 if Cicero was present. 
 
 " I will not," said Caesar, " listen to this 
 timid sycophant ; this cowardly soul ; this 
 selfish orator : when he feared my power, he 
 said, in full senate, that he would be my buck- 
 ler against enemies, and, at the same time, 
 conspired against my life, and defends the act- 
 of Brutus and Cassius. His cupidity was so 
 eager, that for money, he might be bought on 
 the same day to speak upon both sides of a 
 case ; and so sober-tongued, that there was
 
 154 REFORMATION OF HELL. 
 
 not a soldier in the army, who would have 
 bestowed upon his greatest foe one tittle of 
 the scurrility he heaped upon Anthony. You 
 recollect, Signors, his phillipics : he had not 
 the courage to support a change of fortune ; 
 and the common cause was abandoned by this 
 patriotic man before he was slain by An- 
 thony." 
 
 "May all such wretches be ever punished in 
 the same manner ! and with what can they 
 reproach me ? Did I put any senator to death ? 
 Did I pillage the commonwealth ? Did I not 
 return, by my will, what I had amassed and 
 conserved for her defence ? Will they accuse 
 me of tyranny and usurpation ? I, who de- 
 livered the Romans from the ambition of a 
 Pompey ? Will ihey charge me with cruelty ? 
 Í, who could not behold without weeping 
 the head of my most inveterate enemy ? Yes, 
 I can truly say, that it was grief at the sad 
 fate of Pompey, that invited me to declare war 
 against Egypt. I was desirous of avenging 
 the death of this great man. He would have 
 made himself master of Rome if I had not 
 prevented him ; and because 1 stood forth as
 
 REFORMATION OF HELL. 155 
 
 the defender of the public liberty, was assas- 
 sinated as a usurper. What wickedness ! 
 What perfidy ! What cruelty ! The senate 
 recognized every thing I had done, when, after 
 my death, they erected statues, and built me 
 temples. Infernal judge, wdll you bear with 
 these impious men, who killed him whom 
 the empire delighted to honour?" 
 
 Cicero would have spoken, fearing the 
 eloquence of Caesar, or his vehemency, would 
 impose upon the judges ; but Caesar constantly 
 interrupting him, Lucifer, tired with their 
 clamours and the length of the cause, ordered 
 that the emperor, as a punishment for not 
 having profited by the advice he received on 
 his way to the senate, upon the day of his 
 death, should remain in his present place. 
 
 " It was I," said Cicero, " wlio caused this 
 information to be sent him." 
 
 " Base liar! perfidious man I" cried Caesar, 
 *' it was you who gave me this information ! 
 why did you not bring it yourself?" 
 
 " It was the will of Fate, that Brutus, Cas- 
 sius, and other senators, involved in this con- 
 spiracy, should be marks for infamy, as
 
 156 REFORMATION- OF HELL. 
 
 traitors lo their country, and as having af- 
 forded a direful example of politicians witli- 
 out courage." 
 
 After him arose Alexander the Great, very 
 much vexed that Caesar had spoken before 
 liim, and pretending that the cause of this 
 Roman emperor should not be considered be- 
 fore that of the emperor of the world ; but he 
 abandoned his pretensions, when a crier liad 
 made proclamation, that in hell, all conditions 
 were equal, and that the damned had among 
 them, no other distinctions than those of 
 crime. 
 
 " Infamous prince," said Clytus, who stood 
 behind Alexander, "dare you speak, after 
 liaving murdered the best of your friends ? is 
 not the brightness of thy conquests tarnished 
 by tlie shame of thy cruelty ? What punish- 
 ment dost thou merit, for having despoiled 
 princes so distant frop Macedón, who, so far 
 from having wronged or injured you, did not 
 even know you ?" 
 
 " Silence," said Alexander. 
 
 " What ! I be silent ! if Lucifer, the chief 
 of this empire, imposes silence upon me, I
 
 REFORMATION OF HELL. 157 
 
 will obey : but shall I yet receive orders from 
 you, cruel brigand, notorious robber, sacri- 
 legious rascal, debauchee, fool, drunkard, in- 
 cendiary ?" 
 
 " No, no : speak, son of Olyrapias," said 
 Lucifer to Alexander. 
 
 He began thus : " Alexander, son of Ju- 
 piter Ammon, lord of the world, most high 
 and mighty emperor, conqueror of the habita- 
 ble globe—" 
 
 Clytus laughed at the boasts : " what a lord ! 
 what an emperor ! what a god ! Behold the 
 titles which I dispute. In the first place, his 
 mother was a virtuous woman. She but 
 mocked her son, who, through pride, accused 
 her with having committed adultery with Ju- 
 piter Ammon. Secondly, he was not lord of 
 the world ; since he did not conquer the tenth 
 part of it : and thirdly, it is false that he is 
 a great emperor ; for an emperor is only en- 
 nobled by heroic virtues and qualities, which 
 he did not possess. And how is it. possi- 
 ble that he should be the conqueror of the 
 liabitable globe, having never been neither 
 to Africa, nor very far in Europe, nor to
 
 158 REFORMATION' OF HELL. 
 
 China ? Thus he is only Alexander, as I am 
 Olytus." 
 
 Here Lucifer passed an order that this 
 prince should only assume the titles that 
 veritably pertained to him, and permitted 
 Clytus to continue. 
 
 "I was," said Clytus, "the prime favourite 
 of this Alexander, who, wishing to conquer 
 every body, had no enemy nearer and more 
 powerful than himself. Contemplate our por- 
 traits : I was his favourite, and I have always 
 seen him as ambitious of distinction in wick- 
 edness as he was for honourable action : but 
 as a foundation to my complaints against him, 
 I ought to state, that this prince, elevated by 
 his flatterers to a place among the gods, was 
 accustomed to speak without respect of Philip 
 his father. He showed himself more munifi- 
 cent towards gladiators, musicians, and drunk- 
 ards, than towards his bravest captains. In 
 conformity to this disposition, he gave the 
 kingdom of Sidon to Abdolonymus, a well- 
 digger ; he committed numberless extrava- 
 gances at the instigation of his mistresses ; 
 to please a courtesan named Roxana, he burnt
 
 REFORMATION OF HELL. 159 
 
 the palace of the Persian kings ; his conduct 
 towards Parmenio, Philotas, and Calisthenes, 
 as well as Aminthus, his relation, is sufficient 
 proof of his barbarity. And did he not exhi- 
 bit more than cruelty towards me ? I was the 
 most faithful of his confidants ; he who flat- 
 tered him the least; who gave him the best 
 of counsel ; to whom he owed his reputation 
 and honour. Alas! because I had the pre- 
 sumption to speak my true sentiments at a 
 feast, he arose from the table and inflicted 
 upon me a mortal wound. I now demand 
 expiation. King of hell, revenge Clytus, 
 punish Alexander." 
 
 This prince then replied as follows : — 
 *' Favourites bear the same relation to sove- 
 reigns as mice to cats." 
 
 At this exordium Clytus began to laugh, 
 and said : " Listen to a comparison worthy 
 of the disciple of Aristotle." 
 
 " The mouse," continued Alexander, "seems 
 at first to divert itself with the cat ; but finally 
 this animal, being more powerful, devours the 
 mouse, who cannot accuse her with cruelty 
 for wishing to take her turn in the sport.
 
 160 ■ REFORMATION OF HELL. 
 
 Such^ about me, was the condition of Clytus : 
 but to'demonstrate the mistake of this ungrate- 
 ful favourite, I aver, that it is the policy of 
 princes to keep favourites, who are towards 
 them neither forward nor haughty ; and not 
 to accord them too much power. The liber- 
 ties they take with us cause us to fall into 
 contempt; their hauteur makes us appear 
 timid, and their power fills us with just sus- 
 picions. Clytus having thus taken advantage 
 of me, I was frequently ashamed of his fami- 
 liarities. Such was his pride, that if I dared 
 to contradict him in the least thing, he reared 
 up like an unruly horse : my bounty had 
 rendered him so powerful, that he was in fact 
 Alexander, and I was but Clytus. In particu- 
 lar, he abused my mistresses, and the officers 
 of my house ; in counsel he was always right 
 and I wrong ; in every battle, it was he that 
 was victorious, and I who had been slack and 
 timid. "If I put some to death, it was but 
 consonant with justice, to punish the seditious 
 or conspiring ; if I burnt the palace of the 
 kings of Persia, it was for the purpose of de- 
 stroying a fortress that had been used against
 
 REFORMATION OF HELL. 161 
 
 me ; if the pleasures that were indulged in 
 after my conquests M^ere sometimes too free, 
 it arose from a desire to gratify my generals ; 
 in fine, the death of Clytus crushed those 
 treasonous designs of which I had notice. 
 He only waited for an opportunity to set one 
 part of my army against the other, and to 
 despatch me. I sang at a feast the songs my 
 soldiers had composed upon their officers and 
 myself; I rallied Clytus for having, in a cer- 
 tain action, taken to flight : this madman let 
 loose his rage upon me ; he loaded me with 
 contumely ; the wine he had drank deprived 
 him of reason : I thought it was time to punish 
 his audacity, and to prevent the excesses to 
 which it might carry him. Thus perished an 
 usurping, traitorous, insolent and unworthy 
 favourite. Lucifer, I have spoken the truth." 
 After having heard the parties, the king 
 said to his demons, " Take notice how proper 
 it is that a subject should be faithful and sub- 
 missive to his prince ; and that a favourite 
 should not go beyond the respect he owes to 
 his sovereign. We do order that as long as 
 Alexander shall be tormented by his ambition, 
 2
 
 162 REFORMATION OF HELL. 
 
 Clytus shall experience all the remorse that 
 springs from rashness and ingratitude." 
 
 At the same moment was heard the voice 
 of Seneca, speaking to Nero : " Cruel prince, 
 how have you profited bv the lessons of 
 clemency, goodness, and humanity I have 
 given you ? Did you not murder me to re- 
 possess yourself of the wealth I had received 
 from you ? Such was my recompense for 
 having raised you to empire. Was it not I 
 who saved you from the conspiracy formed 
 by Piso, after you had set fire to all quarters 
 of Rome ? Was it not I who delivered you 
 from the snares which had been spread for 
 you by the friends of your mother Agrippina, 
 whom you afterwards put to death ? I was 
 jnore careful of your reputation than yourself, 
 when I advised you not to exhibit yourself as 
 a comedian upon the theatre ; when you en- 
 tered the lists to dispute the prize of poetry 
 with Lucan, whom you afterwards assas- 
 sinated." 
 
 " Old fool," said Nero, in a slender voice, 
 " thou wert become unworthy of my favours 
 by thy excessive ambition, and by the dis-
 
 REFORMATION OF HELL. 163 
 
 honour you brought upon my palace. Great 
 Lucifer, you see a man who, being my pre- 
 ceptor, did not profit by his own theory. He 
 maintained a shameful commerce with my 
 mother ; and with a view to favour it, poison- 
 ed the Emperor Claudius, my father, who 
 did not commit suicide, as was the prevalent 
 opinion at Rome. The partiality of my mother 
 filled him with such audacity, that he pro- 
 jected mounting- the throne, and having me 
 poisoned. I was informed of the intrigue, 
 which I suspected before having received 
 positive advice. I observed that his immense 
 wealth had obtained him very many friends 
 among tlie senators, gentlemen, and ofliicers 
 of the army ; and it is worth while, also, to 
 knoAV, that this man who preached so much 
 about frugality, and the love of mediocrity, 
 Avas far from practising these virtues, which 
 are easily reported of a man possessing twelve 
 millions of revenue. After having punished 
 tlie tyranny and usurpation of my mother, I 
 was bound to punish the crimes of Seneca ; 
 but I was yet lenient enough to leave the 
 manner of his death to his ov/n choice."
 
 164 REFORMATION OF HELL. 
 
 *' The subjects and favourites of princes," 
 said Lucifer, " are always culpable, when 
 they are ungrateful, or entertain any other 
 desire than the prosperity of their masters : 
 they ought to leave to them the recompense 
 of their services, without attempting to reward 
 themselves. TVe will, then, that tlie philoso- 
 pher, Seneca, born in Spain, should be pun- 
 ished as if he had compassed his designs upon 
 Nero : and that Nero be treated as an unjust 
 and barbarous prince." 
 
 "This ordinance," said Sejanus, "does not 
 concern me : Tiberius caused me to be assas- 
 sinated without reason, actuated by one of 
 those suspicions to which he was usually ad- 
 dicted. He was troubled more by a fear of 
 losing his life, than the empire. His courte- 
 zans had too much influence over him. As 
 to myself, I have never punished any but the 
 enemies of Tiberius : to be sure, they were 
 also mine. But were not, in truth, the oppo- 
 sers of a minister who governed as well as I 
 did, foes to their prince and country ?" 
 
 Tiberius would have answered; but Lu- 
 cifer, interrupting him, ordered that all the
 
 REFORMATION OF HELL. 165 
 
 favourites of princes should come in. There 
 appeared a vast number, among them Plautius, 
 the favourite of Severus, was particularly re- 
 markable : also Faustus, the favourite of Phyr- 
 rhus, king of Epirus; Pyreneus and Clean- 
 drus, favourites of the emperor Commodus ; 
 Cincinnatus, favourite of Britulus ; Rufus, fa- 
 vourite of Domitian ; Ampronisius, favourite 
 of Adrian ; Belisarius, favourite of Justinian. 
 "Listen," said Lucifer; "the favour of princes 
 is like quick-silver, the motion of which can- 
 not be arrested, and which flies the endeavour 
 to restrain it. If one would sublimate it, it is a 
 vapour that exhales itself; and often, if too much 
 is used, it becomes dangerous. If one anoints 
 with it, U penetrates to the very bones : those 
 who are accustomed to draw it from the mine, 
 and purify it, contract a malady which makes 
 them tremble all their lives. This is the cha- 
 racter of princes' favour : it is inconstant, be- 
 cause it depends upon the humour and passion 
 of one who seeks only novelty and the plea- 
 sure of the moment. If you are importunate, 
 if you exhibit the least sign of impatience, 
 if you are even suspected of prudence in the
 
 166 REFORMATION OF HELL. 
 
 management of your credit or fortune, the 
 attachment of the prince will cool. If you 
 show any marks of envy against another, of 
 discontent in yourself, or indifference in the 
 presence of your protector, he suspects you, 
 and passes straightway from suspicion to en- 
 mity and hatred. Bear then with resignation 
 your bad fortune and the humour of your mas- 
 ter : your pains, attentions, time, health, 
 wealth all lost, you are at length obliged to 
 return into your humble retreat, there to ex- 
 pect death ; which, to your grief, comes not 
 soon enough to free you from regret and 
 the remembrance of your follies. A casual 
 sally, an instant of good humor, a lucky word, 
 a sudden caprice, a nothing, makes a favourite. 
 Five or six years suffice for his fortune ; if 
 delayed, it escapes him. The same causes can 
 bestow or withdraw favour. A favourite ought 
 to make these reflections in his prosperity, — 
 that he must abstain from those liberties that 
 are common among equals, and that freedom 
 which friends indulge in; that he must be 
 constantly submissive, and know how to ac- 
 company respect with complaisance ; that the
 
 REFORMATION OF HELL. 167 
 
 prince ought always to speak the first word in 
 a confidential afliair ; and to preserve his se- 
 crets, he must dispose himself to every kind 
 of privation. He who hath not regulated his 
 conduct by these precepts must bear the bur- 
 den of his own imprudence ; and for this rea- 
 son we order that those favourites who have 
 incurred the displeasure of their sovereigns 
 shall be punished as unfaithful subjects." 
 
 Lucifer then commanded an old man to ad- 
 vance, whom he perceived in the hall behind 
 the others. There advanced then a man of a 
 pleasant countenance, in a Greek habit, and 
 followed by other persons clothed in the same 
 manner. 
 
 "I am Solon," said this old man : - " I 
 gave to the Athenians laws which they did 
 not exactly follow ; this person contiguous to 
 me is the philosopher Anaxarchus, whom the 
 tyrant Nicocreon caused to be brayed in a 
 mortar: in this, little hump-back, behold the 
 famous Aristotle, preceptor to the great Alex- 
 ander : his philosophy excused the disciple 
 from practising the morality he taught. This 
 ucademician is Socrates, whom his_ fellow
 
 168 REFORMATION OF HELX. 
 
 citizens put to death v/ith a cup of hemlock. 
 This old man is the divine Plato, who, spite 
 of the sublimity of his doctrine, sold oil for 
 the defrayment of his expenses. All the rest 
 are men of letters, who, like ourselves, have 
 excited the envy, and experienced the ven- 
 geance of the princes, Archons and Tyrants, 
 of Athens ; and it is now upon these tyrants 
 we unitedly demand vengeance." 
 
 Then Denis, the tyrant, accompanied by 
 some other princes, presented themselves and 
 «poke in this manner: — " Of whom do these 
 old dotards complain ? Infatuated by their 
 conceits, they pretended to dictate law to the 
 whole world ! In fact they had so imbued the 
 people with their dogmas and their customs, 
 that when we wished to make some changes, 
 they excited sedition. They had so. much 
 pride and presumption, that they arrogated to 
 themselves alone the possession of common 
 sense and reason ; while in truth they were 
 distinguished but for opinions founded upon 
 vain subtilties, and by a language not common 
 and familiar to men : — and now I should like 
 to ask them what certain knowledge they had ;
 
 REFORMATION OF HELL. 169 
 
 what was their idea upon the nature of the 
 soul ? and what constituted the reason and 
 equity of their laws ?" 
 
 " I will add to that," said Julian, the apos- 
 tate, " that there are pedants, who, under the 
 affectation of austerity, concealed the most 
 extreme ambition. Do they complain of the 
 contempt that was shown them, when their 
 manner of living exposed them to it ? Will 
 tliey speak of their poverty, who would not 
 labour for a living ? The people of letters de- 
 ceive themselves if they believe that princes 
 and the public ought to enrich them for vain 
 and useless sciences. Should they not make 
 their calculation for that, when, idle in their 
 cabinets, they amuse themselves in contem- 
 plating the figures and number of the stars, 
 which they apply, to find fault with the com- 
 mon prejudices of our ancestors?" 
 
 "At least," observed Cato of Utica, *' you 
 cannot make those remarks with regard to 
 ('icero, or myself, who have exercised the 
 highest magistracies of Rome." 
 
 " Old fox," answered Julian, *' I cannot, it 
 is true, say so of you two ; for if you were 
 P
 
 170 REFORMATION OF HELL. 
 
 attached to letters, you were still more so to 
 your fortunes. And of whom can you com- 
 plain, you who accelerated your own death ? 
 Did you not hope to gain an easy immortality 
 in thus qtiitting your terrestrial abode ? It was 
 to arrive at this, that you did not wish to sur- 
 vive the pretended misfortunes of your coun- 
 try. Fine courage that, of a man who kills 
 himself to escape fighting with his enemies ! 
 AVould you not have done better to have pre- 
 served yourselves for the defence of Rome, 
 its liberty, and your goods ?*' 
 
 " I recommend you," said Cato, " to the 
 Antiochians : they will tell the truth of you 
 better than I can : they know you ; they are 
 fully acquainted with your pusillanimity, your 
 vices, but, above all, with your vanity, 
 which surpasses your knowledge and elo- 
 quence. Look at this great emperor, who, to 
 punish Antioch, quits the sword, assumes the 
 pen, and is, after all, nothing but an igno- 
 ramus." 
 
 " I am called Suetonius," said he, who 
 presented himself next. 
 
 *' Yes, this is Suetonius," said the empcroi
 
 REFORMATIOX OF HELL. 171 
 
 Domitian, who was at his side ; " this is that 
 notorious forger, and compiler of histories and 
 chronicles, who, after the example of other 
 historians, being a partisan and a flatterer, 
 speaks the truth from caprice, and lies from 
 inclination." 
 
 " I !" said Suetonius ; " I have said nothing 
 that I cannot prove by indubitable evidence. 
 Is it not true, that upon the testimony of vile 
 informers, you have taken from the living, 
 the estates of the dead who were accused ? Is 
 it not true that you have levied upon your 
 subjects tributes so enormous, that they were 
 forced to claim protection from a foreign 
 power ? Is it not true that you have despoiled 
 the Jews of their goods only because they 
 were born Jews ? Is it then a crime to have 
 been circumcised at birth and not to adore the 
 gods of the Roman empire ? Is it not true 
 that by your excessive expenses for theatres, 
 and buildings, you have exhausted the purses 
 of the Romans, and left to perish with hunger 
 the bravest soldiers of the army ? To escape 
 the consequences of a sedition, you committed 
 horrible pillages, and thus paid your debts.
 
 172 REFORMATION OF HELL. 
 
 Your pride and impiety are exhibited in these 
 few words, extracted from one of your decla- 
 rations : ' Your Lord, your God," commands 
 thus." 
 
 "What signifies that?" said Domitian : 
 "Are not the emperors gods as well during 
 their lives as after their death? Were not 
 Augustus and Caesar adored in the empire ? 
 I was as much a god at the time I willed it, 
 as my predecessors have been gods after their 
 deatli. The divinity of men is nothing but a 
 power superior to that of others, as the pre- 
 sent divinity of Augustus is but a perfection 
 above the virtues and qualities of living men. 
 But who, among men of sense, has ever be- 
 lieved that the gods were like men ? or adored 
 in the statue any thing more than the 
 virtue of the original ? Who ever believed 
 that the number of gods was equal to their 
 names, their temples, or their statues? No, 
 no, Suetonius, you did not believe all this, 
 and it is from perfidiousness that you have 
 accused me of impiety for being called a god." 
 
 " And your unjust vexations," replied Sue- 
 tonius
 
 REFORMATION OF HELL. 173 
 
 " As it regards that," said the emperor, 
 ** subjects who cannot penetrate the designs 
 of their sovereigns always consider the tributes 
 imposed upon them as unjust; but if enemies 
 were about to inundate the kingdom ; if the 
 empire was menaced with approaching ruin ; 
 if there was danger of the pillage and sack of 
 frontier cities, would not the prince have rea- 
 son to take measures for the prevention of 
 these disasters by a heavier levy, and a stronger 
 assemblage of troops ? If I had apprized the 
 Romans of these things, which I had learned 
 by my spies, they would have been more 
 likely to have risen against myself, than 
 against the common enemy : so powerful is 
 the voice of interest with the multitude !" 
 
 Here Lucifer interrupted the emperor and 
 ordered all the historians, historiographers, 
 authors of journals, of memoirs and chronicles, 
 to advance, to listen to their sentence. " It 
 is," said he, "for the public interest, that 
 mendacity should be punished in writers, as 
 in those who speak falsely ; but it is of equal 
 interest that writers should be permitted to 
 speak the truth, without flattery and without 
 p 2
 
 174 REFORMATION OF HELL. 
 
 fear, to the end, that men by readmg the 
 history of their ancestors, may learn to be- 
 come good, and detest the conduct of the un- 
 just. Although it is crime that brings us sub- 
 jects, we wish, nevertheless, that it should be 
 punished in our empire ; and it is that which 
 constitutes the justice of the torments they 
 feel. A prince flatters himself in vain with a 
 fine and secret policy, if his subjects are ren- 
 dered unhappy by the rules he has prescribed 
 for their conduct ; whatever colour he may 
 take to cover his actions, and make them ap- 
 pear just, if they are not so in eflTect, which 
 the event proves, he expects in vain the ap- 
 probation, the esteem and love of his subjects. 
 The writer who undertakes a history ought 
 to divosthimself of the sentiments of both love 
 and hatred ; he ought to have no partiality for 
 country, relations or friends ; he is the sole 
 judge of the afl'airs of which he treats, and 
 the master of princes when he describes their 
 actions. Accordingly, 2rc ordain, that Domi- 
 tian and the other princes shall submit to the 
 judgments of their historians ; that the histo- 
 rians shall be punished for flatterie? and lies ;
 
 REFORMATION OF HELL. 175 
 
 for the examination of which, we order them 
 before the tribunals of conscience, to whom 
 we delegate plenary authority for the decision 
 of their cases ; and as a judgment upon the 
 geometricians, geographers, astronomers, and 
 mathematicians, we condemn the one party 
 to measure by minutes, seconds, and lines, 
 the dimensions of all the provinces, kingdoms, 
 and empires of the earth ; and the others to be 
 shut up in the planets upon which they have 
 pretended to make observations, to the end 
 that they may be instructed by their expe- 
 rience. Furthermore we decree, that after- 
 wards, the aforesaid geometricians, geogra- 
 phers, astronomers, and mathematicians, to be 
 there punished for their foolish and rash 
 opinions." 
 
 The audience having now lasted a con- 
 siderable time, Lucifer commanded something 
 to eat to be brought into the middle of the 
 hall. Forthwith there appeared a vast number 
 of chirurgians, cooks of hell, with an almost 
 equal number of apothecaries, having the title 
 of confectioners to the devil. They set forth 
 a great table of gold, upon which they placed
 
 1 76 REFORMATION OF HELL. 
 
 a vast quantity of silver plate : they informed 
 rae that this table and plate had been fabrica- 
 ted with the gold and silver stolen, and after- 
 wards sold to the goldsmiths. I have never 
 any where seen such a quantity of linen : 
 it proceeded from the thefts committed by 
 linen dealers and washer women ; for all that 
 is stolen upon earth, goes into hell after the 
 second or third generation of thieves. They 
 served for the iirst course a heap of tailors 
 roasted upon the spit. Lucifer is very fond 
 of this meal ; and the expression, ** may the 
 devil swalloiv we," which the tailors often 
 use, is not inappropriate ; for he does swallow 
 many; and the demons, his table companions, 
 do the same: the subjects always having 
 tastes similar to those of their masters, be they 
 good or bad. I inquired of one of the demons, 
 why his infernal majesty devoured more tai- 
 lors than cooks, sausage makers, butchers, 
 peruquiers, in short, people of other trades. 
 
 "It is," said he, "for a very politic rea- 
 son ; for otherwise he would soon want sub- 
 jects of any other description ; those of other 
 trades are by far the least in number, while
 
 REFORMATION' OF HELL. 177 
 
 the others are so plenty, that if we could eat 
 them all in one day, the morrow v/ould sup- 
 ply as many more : they arrive continually, 
 in one eternal troop. Sometimes in beholding 
 them afar off, we imagine them to be entire 
 armies, coming to besiege us : this trade is 
 more useful in hell, than you would be apt to 
 think : we send among the tailors, young de- 
 vils v/ithout experience : their shops are so 
 many academies for our youth. If you had 
 nice eyes, you might perceive more than fifty 
 young demons in each tailor shop ; some cut 
 the cloth ; others the list ; these take away 
 the superfluous pieces ; those put them in the 
 place they call the street; while some do 
 nothing but open and shut the place they call 
 the eye. Some carry the cabbaged pieces to 
 sell ; others make complete suits out of the 
 patterns cut from the cloth ; in fine, there are 
 many about the women, girls, and valets of 
 the tailor, to assist them in stealing the cloth, 
 or stretching the binding. When these young 
 devils have finished their diabolical appren- 
 ticeship, they are sent to the merchants. In 
 that station they abridge all the measures, and
 
 178 REFORMATION OF HELL 
 
 sometimes throw themselves into the scale, 
 among the merchandise, to make it weigh 
 more : if you could see all their tricks, you 
 would be highly amused." 
 
 When this course was removed from the 
 table, they served another of tailors, roasted 
 upon the gridiron : after that, others, baked in 
 pates, smothered in a pot, fried in a pan, and 
 dressed in a hundred different ways, with this 
 only difference, that those of each nation had 
 a particular dressing. The French tailors 
 were spitted ; the English, grilled ; the Hol- 
 land, fried ; the Germans, smothered in a pot; 
 the Italians, made into ragout ; the Spanish, 
 boiled, because they are ordinarily hard ; the 
 Polonese, in pates ; the Hungarians, salad ; 
 tlie Turks, cooked in rice ; the Greeks, in 
 wine ; the Arabians, dried in the sun ; the 
 Egyptians, with onion sauce ; the Algerines, 
 fried in lard ; the Portuguese, preserved in 
 sugar ; the Danish, Swedish, and ^Muscovite, 
 were almost all dressed in the same manner ; 
 that is to say, baked in brandy ; the Tartar, 
 boiled in horse grease ; tlie Persian, fricaseed 
 with gravy de demon ; the Indians, baked in
 
 REFORMATION OF HELL. 179 
 
 bananas ; the Chinese, and all the islanders, 
 were very much seasoned with spices and su- 
 gar ; the Ethiopians, negroes of Fez, Morocco, 
 and Guinea, were baked in black butter ; and 
 the Americans, in milk. 
 
 " What an immense quantity of tailors," 
 said I to the demon who was near me ; " your 
 cooks must understand their business, to be 
 able to compound so many dishes of viands, 
 which differ no more the one from the other, 
 than" the bullocks of Spain from those of 
 Ireland." 
 
 They served to Lucifer wine of the various 
 publicans of the world. " Fie !" said I to the 
 demon ; " your master is hardly a connoisseur 
 of wine." 
 
 *' You are mistaken," said he ; " it is true, 
 that this wine has been mixed with water, 
 sugar, and spices ; but the publicans are obliged 
 to separate all these drugs, even the water 
 which they ordinarily put in, from the rest, 
 which remains pure, fair and clear ; if the 
 publicans did not do this, they would put 
 them in the press, and draw from their veins 
 all the wine they had themselves drank."
 
 180 REFORMATION OF HELL. 
 
 " How !" said I, " do you live upon nothing 
 but human flesh ?" 
 
 " How should we live else ?" answered he. 
 
 *' Can we eat beef, mutton, partridges, fish, 
 
 and beans ? Thes e animals come not hither , 
 
 ■^ but in smoke ; and herbs will not grow in a 
 
 pl ace s £ 
 
 " How can you say that animals come here 
 in smoke?" 
 
 "It is those the idolaters^sacnfice to the 
 
 p rinc'c of demons : this smoke penetrates even 
 to this place, and is the only perfume agree- 
 able to our sovereign ; for as to the scented 
 oils, powders, and pomatums, of which the 
 men and women of the other life make use, 
 Lucifer is so incommoded, that those who 
 are thus scented, dare not approach his apart- 
 ment." 
 
 " Egad !" said I, " Lucifer has then a smell 
 keener than that of a hound." 
 
 *' Yes : he has so fine a scent, that he in- 
 stantly knows whether a girl has been cau- 
 tious or not ; whether she has been married, 
 or not, and the exact number of times : and 
 the other dav there cam? here a mtnette, who
 
 REFORMATION OF HELL. 181 
 
 made a profession of menettisme, wearing the 
 habits, air, et cetera: she wanted to make 
 every thing appear smooth, saying, that she 
 had been sent here for having administered to 
 herself the discipline, contrary to the direction 
 of her directors : but the prince approaching 
 her, perceived, and said immediately, that this 
 habit, modest as it was, covered much inde- 
 votion, sacrilege, gallantry, and falsehood. 
 The young girl retired abashed ; she had not 
 imagined that any person could discover, un- 
 der the exterior of such simplicity, what she 
 had been guilty of, during her life ; you see 
 Lucifer has an exquisite nose." 
 
 " If he has," said I, "the other senses in a 
 similar perfection, he well merits the com- 
 mandery of hell." 
 
 In the mean time, Lucifer, and the other 
 lords, invited to his table, continued to eat 
 with good appetite : besides the individuals 
 of his council, there were a great number 
 whom I heard designated by the names given 
 to the gods of fable, such as Jupiter, Saturn, 
 Apollo, Mercury : and to goddesses, such as 
 Juno, Venus, Diana, Proserpina, and others; 
 Q
 
 182 REFORMATION OF HELL. 
 
 I should think there were at least fifty per- 
 sons at table. These gods and goddesses 
 were men and women, like the others ; and 
 in reflecting upon that circumstance, I thought 
 they were princesses and princes, whom the 
 people had put iff the place of gods. But these 
 ignorant people deceive themselves ; for their 
 gods, instead of being in heaven, are in hell. 
 The same thing often happens in the world ; 
 a particular person is looked upon as a man 
 of honour, who is, in fact, worse than one 
 whom they consider the most knavish ; another 
 as a good man, who, in truth, is one of the 
 worst ; they frequently speak of one as happy 
 after death, whose lot, if they did but know 
 it, is quite the contrary : this is the sentiment 
 of saint Pere, who said, " they peopled hea- 
 ven with the inhabitants of hell." The des- 
 sert served up to this great demon, was very 
 pleasant to behold : it consisted of hypocrites, 
 bigots, and apostate monks, all preserved in 
 sugar : in the middle of it was a country seat 
 in sugar: one could perceive the chateau, 
 with its fosses, garden, park, wood, closes, 
 vineyards, fish-ponds, fountains, jets of water,
 
 REFORMATION OF HELL. 183 
 
 mill, stables, and farms ; the whole being exe- 
 cuted in the most perfect symmetry of archi- 
 tecture. 
 
 The demon observing my surprise, told 
 me, the devil usually devoured goods unjustly 
 acquired : " have you not," said he, heard it 
 remarked, that property illy gotten, failed not 
 to go to the devil P It comes to us ; for be it 
 known to you, that what is lost in the world, 
 falls down here. You can find in our maga- 
 zines things of every description : the entire 
 shops of merchants, stores of grain and wine, 
 tons of silver, an arsenal filled with arms, 
 cabinets of jewelry and precious stones, ta- 
 blets covered with antique medals, a kind of 
 pantheon, filled with idols of gold, silver, and 
 bronze, which you have no doubt seen at the 
 houses of antiquaries : for the fruits of lar- 
 cenies, spunging, and usury, always come 
 straight to us." 
 
 After the desert, the Jews and Turks 
 brought coffee, tea, chocolate, tobacco, aqua 
 vitas, liquors, and opium. The lords drank 
 of all, and Jupiter partook so freely of tobacco 
 and brandy, that he became quite elevated :
 
 184 KEFORMATION OF HELL. 
 
 he began lo sing a song in the Greek lan- 
 guage, the substance of which was : '* What 
 a charming spectacle for the mighty Lucifer ! 
 the dead dispersed througliout this cavern, are 
 to him delicious meats. Subtle Love, and 
 you gods of combat, theft, and drunkenness, 
 contribute to content the taste and desires of 
 our sovereign. So long as one remains in Tar- 
 tarus, he must not hope for any other pleasure ; 
 we must not think of objects to be procured in 
 other places." — While Jupiter repeated this 
 song, Juno accompanied him, saying : " So 
 long as one remains in Tartarus, he must not 
 hope for any other pleasure. Lovers, you en- 
 hance our joy, for death hath separated you for 
 ever." — In imitation of Jupiter and Juno, Mer- 
 cury and Mars sang thus : "Yes, wliile one re- 
 mains in Tartarus, he cannot hope for other 
 pleasures. The money which was our love, is 
 lost for ever : we love it still, but despairing of 
 enjoyment." — Mars, with a voice of thunder, 
 sang. " Yes, when one is in Tartarus, he must 
 not hope for other pleasures. War, Mliich was 
 our delight, is no more for us, but a vain flour- 
 ish : here one hears neither fife nor drum."
 
 REFORMATION OF HELL. 185 
 
 After this little concert, which amused Lu- 
 cifer, he made them call the players upon in- 
 struments, who joined the gods and goddesses. 
 There was then heard the most frightful mu- 
 sic : with the sound of violins and other in- 
 struments, which were played upon by those 
 who had been musicians in the other world, 
 there mingled a horrid noise of thunder, and 
 raging wind, such as it produces when it 
 rushes through a straight street, or groans, 
 amid a wood of firs. This noise was suc- 
 ceeded by another, like that which is heard at 
 the eruption of Mount Vesuvius or Etna : my 
 ear was struck with a bellowing, like that of 
 the sea, when agitated by a furious tempest. 
 All these agents yielded to a choir of voices, 
 that issued from the lowest depths : there 
 was heard nothing but complaints, groans, 
 cries, and bowlings, similar to those of dogs, 
 impatient of confinement. I should have ex- 
 pired with fear, if I had not been previously 
 warned, that this was the music which would 
 divert the prince of hell. Jupiter and Mars, 
 in spite of their intrepidity, found this music 
 so disagreeable, that they ceased singing, and 
 q2
 
 186 REFORMATION- OF HELL. 
 
 signified their uneasiness to Lucifer. They 
 then removed the table, and the service of 
 plate ; and the audience having been resum- 
 ed, they began to call up cases of different 
 states ; and after having disposed of those 
 pertaining to the people of justice, the sword, 
 and the church, they cited the women of all 
 conditions. The beautiful Helen then appear- 
 ed, who complained that at her return from 
 the siege of Troy, she had been condemned 
 to be hung by Polixo, her relation, at whose 
 house, in the isle of Rhodes, she had taken 
 refuge, Nisistratus and Megapontus having 
 driven her from Greece. She was asked if 
 she had consented to be abducted by Paris ; 
 if she had accorded him the last favours be- 
 fore leaving Peloponessus ; if she had granted 
 the same to the king of Egypt, when his ves- 
 sel touched at her country. She answered in- 
 genuously to these questions, that having been 
 married by policy and force, to prince Mene- 
 laus, she had acquainted him that she did not 
 love him. 
 
 " Did you love," said Lucifer, " the Tro- 
 jan prince before marriage ?"
 
 REFORMATION OF HELL. 187 
 
 " I had not then seen him ; but my heart 
 was never for Menelaus ; it was free when 
 Paris came to Argos, and its first impression 
 was in favour of this stranger prince. Am 1 
 culpable for all the evils caused by the siege 
 of Troy ? Furthermore, the Greeks ought 
 not to complain of this abduction, as a breach 
 of hospitality : some years before, they had 
 taken away a Trojan lady ; and in ancient 
 times, had not Jupiter, of Grecian origin, sto- 
 len Europa, a young princess of Asia, from 
 this part of the world, inhabited by Trojans ?" 
 
 Menelaus spoke after his wife, whose in- 
 gratitude and infidelity he exaggerated ; he 
 accused her of having poisoned him on the 
 return from Troy. " Why assassinate me, 
 when she had the liberty to go to her rela- 
 tions ? Could I have done more to express my 
 regret at her loss, after her elopement, than 
 by building to her memory a temple, conse- 
 crated to Venus ?" 
 
 " You are a very clever man," said Jupiter 
 to Menelaus ; " who told you that a husband 
 could make his wife love him by caresses 
 and services ? A woman who does not love
 
 188 REFORMATION OF HELL. 
 
 her husband, takes all his cares for stratagems, 
 invented by jealousy : she believes him false 
 and wicked. Accuse only your patience and 
 weakness ; and between ourselves who are 
 dead, since the living cannot hear it, it is a 
 very good joke, to make so much noise about 
 the infidelity of a coquette :" and Jupiter sang 
 a song, the burden of which was, that one 
 was often very happy to be rid of his wife, 
 as he then could enjoy the advantages of 
 liberty. 
 
 "Am I permitted to be as stoical as you 
 are ?" said Menelaus. " One must have a 
 great force of spirit, to vanquish a passion like 
 that of love : how cruel, to love without re- 
 turn ! Ah ! I now condemn myself: let Helen 
 prosecute her quarrel with her relation Polixo, 
 to which I am a stranger." 
 
 *' Since this Grecian prince is voluntarily 
 condemned," said Lucifer, " I am about to 
 pass sentence upon the husbands who have 
 complained of their wives ; and upon the 
 wives who have complained of their hus- 
 bands." 
 
 The judgment was couclied in these words :
 
 REFORMATION OF HELL. 189 
 
 '* Since love is natural, and no one can dic- 
 tate a woman's will, and since neither the 
 jealousy nor severity of a husband are of any 
 avail, to compel a wife to conjugal fidelity, 
 we order, that all husbands shall suffer the 
 pain of foolish and indiscreet love, without 
 having from that any pretence to restrain 
 them ; provided, however, that they may re- 
 venge themselves with chance intrigues, and 
 contribute, by their patience and complaisance, 
 to the ruin of their rivals. We ordain, also, 
 that women who complain of the amoiirs of 
 their husbands, shall be condemned to the tor- 
 ments of jealousy ; with an equal permission 
 to those ladies who are not beloved by their 
 husbands, to receive the cares and attentions 
 of their neighbours. Finally, we forbid the 
 married of both sexes, to bring any more ac- 
 tions upon these subjects, and reject them, in 
 advance, from court. We command our de- 
 mons, and principally Asmodeus, the demon 
 of marriage, to bear in hand the execution of 
 the present ordinance. Given in hell, at the 
 grand audience hall, to be signified to whom 
 it may concern. — Signed, Lucifer^ king of
 
 190 REFORMATION OF HELL. 
 
 hell : and countersigned by my lord, the devil 
 Patirasr 
 
 " Signor," said Cleopatra, " this edict can- 
 not prejudice my rights against Augustus, 
 emperor of the Romans : his ambition prompt- 
 ed him to attach to his triumphal car the 
 queen of the Egyptians : to save myself from 
 this shame, I laid violent hands upon myself. 
 I demand that Augustus should be punished 
 as guilty of my death." 
 
 *' Am I responsible for your actions?" said 
 Augustus. " Who informed you that I should 
 put this indignity upon you ? Csesar had 
 loved you ; Pompey also, as I believe : that 
 Antony did, no one can doubt. The reputa- 
 tion of those charms by which you had sub- 
 dued the conquerors of the world, had made 
 such an impression upon my heart, that I 
 would not only have made you its governor, 
 but have re-established you upon the tlirone 
 of your ancestors ; but the timidity so natural 
 to your sex, pride, and haughtiness, misled 
 you : the poison you employed to produce 
 death was so subtle, that I could never dis- 
 cover its nature."
 
 REFORMATION OF HELL. 191 
 
 "Ah! tyrant," said Antony to Augustus, 
 " you were not satisfied with having at the 
 same time caused my death and the loss oí 
 my empire ; but you must also effect the 
 death of my spouse, whom I preferred to the 
 throne." 
 
 *' I deny that," replied Augustus ; " you 
 abandoned the field of battle to follow Cleo- 
 patra ; yourself commanded a servant to give 
 the blow of death, to prevent falling into my 
 hands ; it was in conformity to your counsel 
 that Cleopatra killed herself ; great Lucifer, I 
 am innocent of these things." 
 
 " We ordain," said Lucifer, " that both 
 parties should be delivered to their remorse 
 of conscience ; if they are not satisfied with 
 this judgment, let them present themselves 
 before Astarte, sovereign of women, to whom 
 Venus and Pallas are associated, where their 
 cases shall be more amply examined." 
 
 There came next a queen, accompanied by 
 many women and girls, armed as soldiers : 
 this was said to be the foundress of the king- 
 dom of the Amazons. To this troop, Zenobia, 
 queen of Palmyra, Elizabeth, queen of En-
 
 192 REFORMATION OF HFLL. 
 
 gland, and other princesses who had governed 
 their states, joined themselves. Amazonide, 
 daughter of Samornas, (so they called the 
 foundress of this female monarchy,) com- 
 plained against Hercules that he had made 
 some of her subjects captive : against Theseus, 
 who had married one, when their army was 
 defeated in Greece ; against Achilles, who 
 had put to death the princess Orythia, for 
 having succoured the Trojans ; against Alex- 
 ander the Great, because, not content with the 
 favours he had received from the queen Tha- 
 lestris, he had put her kingdom under con- 
 tribution ; against the Ephesians, who, for 
 their ingratitude towards the Amazons, who 
 had founded their city, were themselves de- 
 livered to other masters : and thus in the 
 same manner against many other princes and 
 people. 
 
 " Illustrious women," said Lucifer, "a sex 
 so fragile as yours, a monarchy so naturally 
 given to tenderness, could not resist the force 
 of men, nor get away from an empire so 
 sweet as that of love. You have wished to 
 act contrary to your destiny : made to sub-
 
 REFORMATION OF HELL. 193 
 
 mit, you have desired to command ; but wo- 
 men cannot reign but by submissions to the 
 laws of love ; that renders men completely 
 amenable to the will of woman. If men have 
 done you wrong, accuse your own hearts ; 
 they have done the injury of which you com- 
 plain. A warrior, proud and gallant, is full 
 of ardour for victory when a fair Amazon is 
 the price of conquest ; and on the other hand 
 an Amazon fears to vanquish a young soldier 
 whose amiable qualities have now disarmed 
 her. So we re-commit to yourselves the ex- 
 amination of those affairs you have brought to 
 our tribunal : do yourselves the justice I 
 should do, if I examined the matter with 
 more care, and let all w^omen be convinced, 
 they have no greater enemies than their own 
 hearts." 
 
 Zenobia then took the stand, and said to 
 Lucifer, that her heart had never been master 
 of her head: " I lost," continued she, "my 
 husband Odenatus, for whom I had the purest 
 attachment : although he left me young, my 
 subjects were willing to obey me. During 
 the thirty years of my government, I can 
 R
 
 194 REFORMATION OF HELL. 
 
 now say, that I maintained my sway with as 
 much mildness as wisdom. When the thirty 
 tyrants under Galienus divided the empire, I 
 took possession of a province in Syria, that 
 had formerly been separated, and united it to 
 my kingdom. Aurelian declared war against 
 me, and having taken me captive, led me in 
 chains behind his triumphal car. In the en- 
 deavour to overcome the fidelity with which 
 I preserved the memory of my spouse, and 
 which was my sole consolation for the loss 
 of my crown, he exiled me, under a specious 
 pretext, into the Tybertine country ; but he 
 could not vanquish my constancy. Spite and 
 rage seized him ; he put to death Herennianus 
 and Timolaus, my two sons, whom I had 
 myself brought up; I had given them an 
 excellent education, and had taught them the 
 Egyptian, Greek and Latin languages ; it was 
 for their use, that I had compiled an abridg- 
 ment of the oriental history, and that of Alex- 
 andria. What was ray grief at seeing myself 
 deprived of two children, who would have 
 perpetuated my name, and honoured my 
 blood upon the throne of Palmyra ! Let no
 
 REFORMATION OF HELL. 195 
 
 one boast to me of the liberality of this prince 
 towards his subjects : I am aware that he 
 often distributed among them clothing, corn, 
 wine and oil; but this virtue was tarnished 
 by his avarice towards strangers. Could he 
 not be contented with the boundaries of the 
 Roman empire, which was a world of itself, 
 in which one could make voyages both by 
 land and sea? And why should I not accuse 
 him of the murder of my two sons, since he 
 even put to death the son of his sister ? His 
 cruel jealousy might well extend itself to the 
 children of a queen whom he had ruined. 
 Justice, god of hell ! do not suffer Zenobia to 
 remain under the tyranny of this haughty 
 emperor ; for even here, he pretends to exer- 
 cise it over me. Does not death reduce to an 
 equality monarchs and their subjects, conquer- 
 ors and their slaves ? A distinguished Roman 
 poet has said, ' he knocks, without distinction, 
 at the gates of palaces and huts.' Lucifer, 
 hell, remorse, eternity, do me justice for 
 these grievous tyrannies." 
 
 " Speak Aurelian," said Lucifer ; " what 
 prerogative do you pretend over this princess ?"
 
 196 REFORMATION OF HELL. 
 
 The emperor answered in this manner : 
 " Aurelian, emperor of the Romans, pontifex 
 maximus, consul, censor, augur, tribune of 
 the people, supreme head of Germany, Par- 
 thia, Persia, Arabia, Scythia, and Africa, to 
 Lucifer — " 
 
 " Lay aside these vain titles," said Belial, 
 who sat near Lucifer : " could not the scur- 
 viest beggar who had traversed with his pack, 
 for a living, the various countries of the globe, 
 assume as many with as much propriety ?" 
 " I must then be but plain Aurelian ?" 
 " Yes, you are nothing else." 
 " I will not consent to it ; and I had rather 
 be condemned than not to affix my titles to 
 the head of my defence." 
 
 This emperor having declined answering, 
 Lucifer accorded to queen Zenobia what she 
 had demanded. 
 
 Elizabeth, queen of England, then came 
 forward : she complained of the count of Es- 
 sex, who slighted her affections at the time 
 she was sought by all the princes of Europe. 
 Lucifer referred her to the tribunal of Astarle, 
 where he had sent the Amazons.
 
 REFORMATION OF HELL. 197 
 
 After her appeared Dido, queen of Car- 
 thage. She testified great dissatisfaction at 
 Virgil, who had represented her as enamour- 
 ed with a man she had never seen. — Referred 
 to the same tribunal. 
 
 Sappho also was in court : she averred that 
 there had never been any other Sappho than 
 herself, who was born in the Island of Mity- 
 lene : had given her name to the sapphic 
 poetry, and was the author of poems dedicated 
 to her friend Phaon, one of which had been 
 translated by Ovid. 
 
 The other Sappho declared tliat she was the 
 true, the only Sappho who had existed ; that 
 she was born at Erise, in the time of the 
 elder Tarquin, king of Rome ; that she had 
 married Cersyla, of Andros, one of the ances- 
 tors of the muse Clio ; and that she had com- 
 posed poems of different kinds. The claims 
 of Sappho of Mitylene were then recognized, 
 and the other forbidden to assume this name, 
 or any work thereunto appertaining, because 
 the property of a wife belonged to her hus- 
 band : and according to the laws of all na 
 lions, her acts ought to appear in his name, 
 r2
 
 198 REFORMATION OF HELt. 
 
 Sappho having been confirmed in her rights, 
 accused Phaon of coldness and ingratitude. 
 "When," said she, "I had given him my 
 heart, I was no more mistress of myself; I 
 wished by my works to immortalize my love 
 and his name : hard as the rocks of Parnassus, 
 inflexible as the fiercest dog of Thessaly, 
 impenetrable as the isthmus of Corinth, he 
 disdained my flame ; my verse made no im- 
 pression upon him ; weary of my love, he 
 sought but to escape from me ; insensible to 
 my anguish, when I threw myself from the 
 precipice of Leucadia, he manifested no sor- 
 row. O, rage ! O, fury of loveJ- avenge my 
 wrongs." 
 
 Lucifer ordained that Sappho should pre- 
 sent her case before the goddess of females. 
 
 Artemisa rehearsed all she had done to 
 eternise the memory of her spouse : she re- 
 peated a hundred times the name of her dear 
 Mausoleus, and demanded that he should 
 be again restored to her, since she had died 
 for love of him. 
 
 The matron of Ephesus, who stood near 
 her, began to laugh loudly, at the idea of a
 
 REFORMATION OF HELL. 199 
 
 woman's demanding her lost husband from 
 hell. 
 
 Both of them being adjudged fools, for con- 
 trary reasons, were remanded to their dun- 
 geons. 
 
 Lucretia, a Roman lady, succeeded th«m ; 
 she demanded justice against Tarquin, who, 
 by her violation, had been the cause of her 
 death. Jupiter, who wished to amuse him- 
 self, asked her if she had made any resistance. 
 
 " Yes," said she. 
 
 "What hindered you from stabbing Tar- 
 quin as he approached you?" 
 
 " He was the stronger party, and would have 
 killed me." 
 
 " Was he alone ?" 
 
 " Yes." 
 
 " Was there ever seen a man, who could, 
 unassisted, force a woman to the gratification 
 of his lust ? Why did you not rather suffer 
 death, than permit him to consummate his 
 enterprise ?" 
 
 '* You are so importunate, that I must needs 
 avow the truth : CoUatinus, my husband, dis- 
 covering my intrigues with the young prince,
 
 200 REFORMATION OF HELL. 
 
 poinarded me, and then spread a false re- 
 port, to advance the desi^s of Brutus and 
 himself. This Jupiter," murmured she, retir- 
 ing, very angry, "is an impertinent — he will 
 not believe that any woman could be capable 
 of so heroic an action as that attributed to 
 me, and that they are all coquettes." "' 
 
 " Let all the women," said Lucifer, " be- 
 take themselves to the tribunal established for 
 them." He then gave orders for the approach 
 of four princes, who craved audience : the 
 first was Darius, who impleaded Alexander 
 the Great: the second, Bajazet, who accused 
 Tamerlane of robbery : the third, Constan- 
 tine Paleologus, who reproached Mahomet 
 witli his cruelty and ambition ; the fourth, 
 IVIonlezuma, king of Mexico, who complained 
 against Fernandez Cortes, and the usurpation 
 of the Spaniards. The three first replied, 
 custom, and the laws of war : as to the last, he 
 was listened to, more from curiosity than any , 
 intention to reinstate him in his possessions. 
 
 Montezuma spake very nearly in these 
 words : " I was formerly the legitimate and 
 peaceful possessor of the Mexican states,
 
 REFORMATION OF HELL. 201 
 
 which my fathers had enjoyed from the uni- 
 versal deluge, if not before ; for there are 
 people called preadamites, who maintain, that 
 God created men in that part of the world 
 called America, who did not descend from 
 the first man born in Asia, and whom they 
 called Adam. The avarice and temerity of 
 certain merchants, led them across the im- 
 mense sea, which separates America from 
 Europe ; they represented themselves as per 
 sons, who, having been shipwrecked, had 
 need of succour : we gave them firs, wood, 
 and silver ; we aided them to the extent of 
 our power. All these gifts, which ought to 
 have served for the establishment of an hon- 
 ourable commerce and friendship, only in- 
 flamed their cupidity and avarice. We were 
 their friends ; they made us their vassals, af- 
 ter having combatted us with arms, of which 
 we were ignorant: mounted on horses of 
 which we were horribly afraid, they put us 
 to flight with the terrible noise of their can- 
 non ; having rallied, we assembled all our 
 troops ; they prevailed by the superiority of 
 their arms ; shutting us up in villages, they
 
 202 REFORMATION OF HELL. 
 
 besieged, they massacred, they took us cap- 
 tive, and carried all before them, with tire and 
 sword. Regardless of royal majesty, which 
 1 held of God, they took my life. If it is 
 right to usurp the goods and estate of another, 
 why do not subjects war against their sove- 
 reigns ? Why do not families seek the down- 
 fall of families ? Why do not the wicked and 
 strong dominate, the one over the weak, and 
 the other take away their goods? Natural 
 right, which bestows every thing that hath no 
 owner, was it upon the side of the king of 
 Spain, or on mine, who had received the king- 
 dom of Mexico, as an inheritance from my 
 fathers ? The civil law, which maintains 
 possession, and which protects legitimate pro- 
 prietors, was it in favour of the king of Spain, 
 or in mine ? The reason of all ages and coun- 
 tries accuse the Spaniards. We learn in 
 childhood, that we must not do to others, 
 what we would not have them to do to us ; 
 Did I carry war into Spain ? Why then have 
 they brought it to me, and that too, in a coun- 
 try where they had experienced the cares of 
 hospitality, to destroy a prodigious number of
 
 REFORMATION OF HELL. 203 
 
 men ? What horrible ingratitude ! what frigkt- 
 ful injustice ! what atrocious cruelty ! Luci- 
 fer, be the avenger of one half the world : 
 punish the Spaniards." 
 
 Fernandez Cortes excused himself on the 
 score of orders from the king, his master : he 
 confessed that reason, humanity, and justice, 
 spake by the mouth of Montezuma ; but he 
 observed, that the conquests of the Spaniards 
 had instructed the Indians in the knowledge 
 of the true God. 
 
 Upon that, Montezuma cried out, that the 
 design of the Spaniards was not to eradicate 
 idolatry in America, but solely to enrich 
 Spain, at the expense of that part of the 
 world ; that this was so true, that in Mexico, 
 the christian Spaniards and their slaves, did 
 not compose more than one hundred thou- 
 sandth part of the inhabitants. 
 
 " What do you desire," said Lucifer, " that 
 I should do to the Spaniards ?" 
 
 " I do not demand," said the prince, '* to 
 be reinstated in my dominions ; some day, 
 perhaps, one of my descendants, or some 
 generous Indian, will deliver my country from
 
 204 REFORMATION OF HELL. 
 
 the Spanish yoke ; 1 wish only that tlie Indians 
 who were killed in the conquest of Mexico, 
 should have the liberty to roast upon spits, 
 and eat their cruel enemies ; and in this man- 
 ner ray nation shall be sufficiently revenged." 
 
 *' We accord to Montezuma," said Lucifer, 
 *' the Spaniards who conquered Mexico, with 
 the exception of the tailors, whom we reserve 
 for our own table." 
 
 After that came an abbot, who look the ti- 
 tle of ten abbeys, besides priories, and eighteen 
 cures. " Behold," said Lucifer, " an abbot, 
 with as many titles as a Roman emperor : 
 speak, of Avhom do you complain ? had you 
 not a sufficient income to live honourably in 
 the world, according to your degree ? How 
 have you employed your revenue ? Play, wo- 
 men, good cheer, horses, dogs, equipage, 
 dress, and relations, have eaten it. You de- 
 mand, without doubt, justice against the au- 
 thors of your ruin: I grant it amply and 
 promptly. For the mortification of your ene- 
 mies, I surrender you to the troop of beggars 
 who throng llie avenues of my palace, and 
 w ho would not have been damned, if, by alms
 
 REFORMATION OF HELL. 205 
 
 which would have cost you but little, you 
 had removed from them the necessity of be- 
 coming thieves and robbers : go, learn in hell 
 to spend but little yourself." 
 
 The minettes, the bigots, and hypocrites, 
 demanded audience. " These are very pleasant 
 people," said Lucifer to Jupiter ; " they will 
 divert us." 
 
 *' An Italian comic writer," said one of 
 them, " has burlesqued us, as if it was wrong 
 to seein honest men in the public eye. When 
 one has not the substance of virtue, is it re- 
 prehensible to set a good example ? It is true, 
 that if our lives, hidden under this cloak, had 
 been exposed, our hypocrisy and spurious 
 piety would have been easily detected ; but 
 we injured no person, and if any one was 
 scandalized by our example, it was for con- 
 science sake." 
 
 The Italian writer, who happened to be 
 present, and whom I had not before perceiv- 
 ed, cried out, " satyrists of France and Italy, 
 our cause is common." 
 
 Immediately there appeared a number of 
 comic writers, ranged under their respective 
 S
 
 20G REFORMATION OF HELL. 
 
 masters, amono: whom I saw, with pleasure, 
 Juvenal, Terence, Plautus, Seneca the trage- 
 dian, and Greek, Latin, and French authors, 
 ancient and modern. The writer, behind 
 whom they were ranged, decried the manners 
 of his age, and exposed the wickedness of hy- 
 pocrites, who, abusing all that is sacred in reli- 
 gion, to deceive men, dupe the simple, and 
 gain an unmerited reputation. Who would 
 believe that a man was wicked enough to wish 
 to deceive, at the same time, both God and 
 man ? This is what hypocrites do, when un- 
 der the veil of divine love, and with an air of 
 humility, more haughty than vanity itself, 
 they conceal sensual affections, hatred of 
 brethren, and a licentious life, unknown bul 
 to those who participate in it. — A woman 
 wishes to hide from her husband an amorous 
 intrigue ; she is at her devotions in the morn- 
 ing, and in the evening still goes to a lecture, 
 M'here slie knows she shall sec her friend. 
 Often the church itself is the theatre of a love 
 scene — tlie preacher, a fine young man, whose 
 manners are more fascinating than his dis- 
 course. Frequently some broad-sliouldered fel-
 
 REFORMATION OF HELL. 207 
 
 low sets at nought truth, chastity, continence, 
 the money of husbands, and so forth. Affairs 
 of business are conducted on the same princi- 
 ple, as those of love. Who would believe 
 that this devout man was a usurer : that he 
 had possession, almost for nothing, of the 
 meadow, the vineyard, and the house of a 
 peasant ! Oh, this is a holy man ! he is full 
 of conscience ; every day constantly at church, 
 his piety is exemplary. Behold the fate of a 
 hypocrite : this knavery, is it any thing but a 
 dead loss ? for of what service is it to bigots 
 to live in such uneasy constraint, if that does 
 not procure them pleasure, property, or the 
 gratification of their vanity ? 
 
 " And I," said a woman, " can I be accused 
 of hypocrisy? My virtue, my science, my 
 Avritings, do they not demonstrate the unfeign- 
 edness of my devotion ? Should I be spoken 
 of in any other way than as Saint Therese ? 
 Have I not had, in that character, apparitions, 
 visions, a spirit of prophecy, and a discern- 
 ment into the heart and conscience ?" 
 
 "Contemplate, sirs," said the satirist, "the 
 people of the spirit, if such a thing is not
 
 208 REFORMATION OF HELL. 
 
 above your comprehension. What is this but 
 to deceive the world by spiritual artifices ? 
 What is this incomprehensible new grace ? 
 What devotee but has possessed it ; and what 
 mystick but has held the same language ? 
 Truly, madam, grace is very much obliged to 
 you, and fanaticism owes you thanks ; vi- 
 sionaries and lunaticks have gained their 
 causes ; the ancient heretics and comforters 
 owe you a statue and a chapel." 
 
 Another woman said, *' I have not had vi- 
 sions ; but I have experienced realities : I have 
 seen what I thought I saw ; and if I had any 
 devotion it was for my directors. I had one 
 M-hom I looked upon as my guardian angel ; 
 I had for him an extreme friendship ; I made 
 him presents and he never failed in any thing 
 towards me ; I saw him every day, and should 
 have preferred deceiving my father rather llian 
 him. Was he sick, I suffered also ; and to solace 
 liim, sent meats, confections, fruits, and even 
 money. I was so chagrined at his absence 
 that I could not bear my own house ; I be- 
 came unquiet, impatient and melancholy ; 
 every thing vexed me. His superiors having
 
 REFORMATION OF HELL. 209 
 
 ordered his change, I almost expired with grief; 
 I wrote to him by every mail ; if I received 
 not hi& letters, I felt new sorrow : a thousand 
 phantoms presented themselves to my imagi- 
 nation. I fancied him as bestowing his pains 
 upon another object, and thought that absence 
 and change of residence had altered his incli- 
 nation. He returned : what rapture ! I ran to 
 his house, although in dishabille : on the mor- 
 row I was at his feet ; each day of the week 
 I go to recount to him my pleasures and pains. 
 In the mean time an honest man sought me 
 in marriage ; I consulted my director ; he 
 charged me to dismiss this man, who accord- 
 ingly received his farewell. Another brave 
 cavalier offered himself and received the same 
 answer. Behold me now in my thirty-fifth 
 year ; my director exhorted me to consecrate 
 to God my virginity : I retired to a monas- 
 tery, but he was not willing that I should take 
 the veil. At length he died ; I wept, I regret- 
 ted him ; I observed a nine days' devotion for 
 his death. When my grief was assuaged, I 
 reflected upon my age : the time of youth was 
 past ; I took the veil, contracted some amiable 
 s2
 
 210 REFORMATION OF HELL. 
 
 acquaintances, founded funeral obsequies for 
 the repose of ray soul, bequeathed my estate 
 to the convent, and died. This is my history ; 
 this is true devotion." 
 
 " And I," said another menette, ** had no 
 such object to fix my imagination ; I wore 
 invariably a modest dress, my veil always 
 drawn over my eyes, and sleeves to my very 
 hands : I rose early in the morning to go to 
 church, and was constantly seen at all devo- 
 tional exercises ; for me there was neither 
 parties, assemblies, nor feasts : 1 did not attach 
 myself to my confessor, although often at his 
 grate. In the mean time, I had some good 
 friends, who went about preaching my virtue 
 far and wide, and principally to those rich 
 men whom they knew not to be fond of gal- 
 lantry, and yet exceedingly fearful of what 
 generally happens to men of their years after 
 marriage. Your affair is finished, say they 
 to the marrying men ; I have discovered a girl 
 of superlative virtue, who knows not a single 
 man in the world, and wlio is so unsophisti- 
 cated with respect to love matters, that she 
 does not even know the name of masculine
 
 REFORMATION OF HELL. 211 
 
 garments ; «always engaged in herr domestic 
 duties ; without luxury, without vanity, rich 
 withal, and beloved of her father. ' This is a 
 girl that will exactly suit me,' said an opulent 
 citizen with sixty years and the gout ; I shall 
 have a nurse for the remainder of my life ; 1 
 will make her fine presents, and after my 
 death she shall have the enjoyment of my 
 estate.' In fine, they consulted me with re- 
 gard to this man ; I demanded time to deter- 
 mine ; something unlucky might happen to 
 my virtue ; I asked light from above ; heaven 
 appeared favourable to this union. See me 
 then espoused ; I play the innocent, the in- 
 genuous : my husband, deceived, felicitates 
 himself in my simplicity : all this time I se- 
 cretly received the attentions of a handsome 
 young man ; the more I saw him, the stronger 
 appeared my conjugal attachment. Behold 
 my history, and discreet devotion." 
 
 I saw still other menettes of different charac- 
 ters, who exposed the motives of their hypo- 
 crisy, and confessed that they had no other re- 
 ligion. These are liars, for truly religious souls 
 shun ostentation : true devotion is so consider-
 
 212 REFORMATION OF HELL. 
 
 ate, that those who possess it endeavour to con- 
 ceal it, to avoid being elevated in the opinion 
 of the world. Christian humility flies the eulo- 
 gies of men : their praise seems a danger- 
 ous enemy, which, in flattering, withdraws 
 the heart from the right way ; it refuses the 
 recompense due to merit, and contents itself 
 with aflbrding that good example, which the 
 honour of virtue and religion demand ; all 
 which, Jupiter, in a homily to the fanatics, 
 set forth at large. The following is the decree 
 that was then read and published before this 
 great audience, in presence of the demons and 
 the damned. 
 
 DECREE OF LUCIFER. 
 
 "Lucifer, to the legions of demons and 
 damned people of hell, unhappiness, despair, 
 eternal pains. In order to the due execution 
 of justice and vengeance entrusted to our 
 hands, tve will^ ordain^ and command, under 
 the severest penalties : 
 
 " First, that our demons be always present 
 at the tribunals of the world, whether secular 
 or canonical ; that they take care of the ar-
 
 REFORMATION OF HELL. 213 
 
 count books of merchants.; prevent soldiers 
 from thinking of death ; trouble the imagina- 
 tion of fanatics ; inspire mundane sentiments 
 in those who wish to enter holy orders, bene- 
 fices, and monasteries ; that they be the confi- 
 dants of intrigues ; that they repeat every day, 
 to wives and daughters, what a lovely young 
 man has said to them once only : in fine, let 
 nothing be done in the world ; let nothing be 
 transacted in the shops, bureaus, academies, 
 places of commerce, etc. at which they shall 
 not be present ; and we charge them to ren- 
 der an account to ourselves once a year. 
 
 " Secondly, we ordain them reporters, flat- 
 terers, go-betweens, authors of discord, divi- 
 sions and lawsuits, under pain of disobedience. 
 
 " Thirdly, we order, also, in the matter 
 which concerns those condemned to hell, that 
 the judgments we have pronounced against 
 them in their causes be put into immediate 
 execution ; that all those who have been con- 
 demned, whether individually or collectively, 
 return to their cells, resume their irons, and 
 there remain to all eternity, without hope of 
 solace, or change in their sufferings. Such is
 
 214 REFORMATION OF HELL. 
 
 our will, and we make no distinction in favour of 
 pagan gods and goddesses, whom we regard in 
 the same light as other subjects of our empire.'* 
 
 AVhen Lucifer had spoken, his visage en- 
 tirely changed ; his eyes became sparkling like 
 two flambeaus ; his nostrils cast out smoke 
 mixed with lire ; his mouth exhaled an in- 
 fectious odour ; his hands and feet changed to 
 claws ; from behind him issued a long tail, 
 upon the end of which was a great button of 
 iron ; his ears were horns like those of the 
 rhinoceros : he spoke again, and his voice 
 sounded like the crash of thunder. This is 
 the substance of what he uttered : *' Let these 
 places return to their former state ; let dark- 
 ness pervade the whole region ; let the pris'ons 
 shut with horrid sound upon all this infernal 
 race ; let rage and despair seize upon the 
 damned ; let a violent fire devour them ; let 
 the worm of remorse ^naw without consuming, 
 and let the habitude of torment aflbrd no solace. 
 Go, miserable wretches! obey! precipitate 
 yourselves into these black retreats ! suffer 
 without expiation ! and let my ears be sweedy
 
 REFORMATION OF HELL. 215 
 
 flattered by the sound of your cries and 
 chains !" 
 
 When Lucifer had pronounced this terrible 
 sentence my demon transported me out of the 
 hall, and at the same instant I heard it and 
 the whole palace sink with a horrid crash. 
 Those crushed among the ruins uttered the 
 most lamentable cries : I then perceived an 
 immense volume of smoke ; after that I found 
 myself in the midst of the field which is at 
 the extremity of my garden, from whence I 
 returned to my house, totally absorbed in the 
 contemplation of this vision. — If the things 
 here related did not actually pass in hell as I 
 have supposed, the probability is, that the fact 
 does not widely differ from the representation. 
 The judgments of Lucifer are there promptly 
 executed, without notice to the culprit : cases 
 are decided without advocates : no person is 
 absolved, for innocence never enters places 
 destined to eternal punishment. The fire of 
 hell exposes their perfidious designs, their pas- 
 sions and crimes ; it reveals all secrets, and sets 
 forth the reasons for which the guilty have 
 been condemned. The sight of suffering com-
 
 216 REFORMATION OF HELL. 
 
 panions afibrds no relief; it rather augments 
 their grief; contrary to which, in the world, 
 egotism and corruption render them insensible 
 to the sufferings of another. The reformation 
 made by Lucifer operates invisibly in the 
 commerce of men ; the demons and onr pas- 
 sions are the causes of the disorder and injus- 
 tice that prevail in society. Oh ! if it was 
 possible for each one really to behold what is 
 here only imagined, how soon would they 
 abandon their careless manner of life ! But 
 ought we to be more wicked because we have 
 less fear ? Let us think, let us think upon the 
 other world ; let us seriously reflect upon our 
 latter end ; if that offers us happiness and rap- 
 ture, let us, by perseverance, endeavour to 
 attain it; but if, on the contrary, we anticipate 
 unhappiness and anguish, let us spare no 
 pains to escape so direful a doom ; let the 
 aspect of hell contribute to the reformation of 
 our manners, and be so impressed upon our 
 minds as to be the means of our salvation 
 from the greatest of all evils. 
 
 THE END.
 
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