THE NOVELS OF 
 
 , ' . ,'S LOVERS 
 
 PA .... " :: GOLD 
 
 : E SEARCH PARTY 
 
 Y. : . / ; 
 
 THE MAJOR'S NIECE 
 PRISCILLA'S SPIES 
 THE RED HAND OF ULSTER 
 ADVENTURES OF DR.WHITTY
 
 inav 
 
 . OP CALIF. LIBRARY. LOS ANGELES
 
 THE ADVENTURES 
 OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 G. A. BIRMINGHAM
 
 UNIFORM EDITIONS of the WORKS of 
 
 G. A. BIRMINGHAM 
 
 Each, net $1.20 
 
 LALAGE'S LOVERS 
 SPANISH GOLD 
 THE SEARCH PARTY 
 THE SIMPKINS PLOT 
 THE MAJOR'S NIECE 
 PRISCILLA'S SPIES 
 THE RED HAND 
 OF ULSTER 
 
 THE ADVENTURES 
 OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 GEORGE H. DORAN COMPANY 
 NEW YORK
 
 THE 
 
 ADVENTURES OF 
 DR. WHITTY 
 
 BY 
 
 G. A. BIRMINGHAM 
 
 AUTHOR OF "SPANISH GOLD," "THE RED HAND OF ULSTER, 
 "PRISCILLA'S SPIES," ETC. 
 
 HODDER & STOUGHTON 
 
 NEW YORK 
 GEORGE H. DORAN COMPANY
 
 Copyright, 1912, 
 BY GEOHGE H. DORAN COMPAITT 
 
 Copyright, 1913, 
 BT GEOUGE H. DORAK COMPANY
 
 CONTENTS 
 
 PAGE 
 
 I. THE DEPUTATION 9 
 
 II. THE PIER 32 
 
 III. MRS. CHALLONER'S PUBLIC MEETING 56 
 
 IV. THE INTERPRETERS 78 
 
 V. THE ETYMOLOGISTS 100 
 
 VI. " GOD SAVE THE KING " 1 18 
 
 VII. HYGIENIC AND SCIENTIFIC APPARATUS . . . .135 
 
 VIII. LAW AND ORDER, AND THE CAMERA 151 
 
 IX. BUOYING THE CHANNEL 168 
 
 X. AN INTOLERABLE HONOUR 190 
 
 XI. Miss MULHALL'S LECTURE 209 
 
 XII. DR. WHITTY'S PATIENT 229 
 
 XIII. THE HONEYMOON 246 
 
 XIV. "LOVE'S YOUNG DREAM" ......... 264 
 
 2130319
 
 THE ADVENTURES 
 OF DR. WHITTY
 
 THE ADVENTURES OF 
 DR. WHITTY 
 
 THE DEPUTATION 
 
 T^ALLINTRA is a small town on the coast of 
 U Connacht. It was a matter of surprise to every 
 one who took an interest in such matters when Mr. 
 Willoughby, shortly after his coming to Ireland as 
 Chief Secretary, announced his intention of visiting 
 Ballintra. No high Government official had been 
 there within living memory, for these gentlemen are 
 always so feverishly anxious to get on to somewhere 
 else, that they cannot afford time to go to places 
 which are not on the way to anywhere ; and Ballintra, 
 standing on the shore of a deep bay, is the end of 
 a cul-de-sac. Its visitors, when they want to go away 
 from it, must travel again the road by which they 
 came. 
 
 " It's likely," said Michael Geraghty, discussing the 
 advent of the Chief Secretary at the bar of the Im- 
 perial Hotel, " that he'll be taking his dinner up at 
 the big house along with Colonel Beresford." 
 
 9
 
 10 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 Thady Glynn, the proprietor of the hotel, sniffed. 
 He did not like Colonel Beresford, who was the prin- 
 cipal landlord of the neighbourhood. 
 
 " And I wouldn't wonder," said Michael Geraghty, 
 " if he'd sleep the night there." 
 
 " He will not, then," said Thady. " He'll neither 
 eat nor sleep in the town, but he'll be off out of it 
 again as quick as he can." 
 
 Thady's opinion, given from behind his own bar, 
 naturally carried great weight. He was an important 
 man in Ballintra. His position as Chairman of the 
 Urban Council and President of the local branch of 
 the League placed him above the reach of contradic- 
 tion. 
 
 " I was only making a suggestion," said Michael 
 meekly. " It's yourself would know if anyone does." 
 
 " I do know," said Thady. 
 
 His information turned out to be perfectly accurate. 
 
 The Chief Secretary's motor-car was timed to ar- 
 rive in Ballintra at twelve o'clock and to leave again 
 as soon as possible afterwards. The Reverend 
 Mother who presided over the convent and the indus- 
 trial school was the first to make up her mind to re- 
 ceive the Chief Secretary. It was settled that he 
 should stop at the convent, inspect the school, and 
 make the acquaintance of Father Henaghan, the parish 
 priest. The arrangement was quite satisfactory to the
 
 THE DEPUTATION 11 
 
 ecclesiastical authorities ; but it did not appear how the 
 rest of the people would benefit by the inspection. 
 Men looked to Thady Glynn to suggest some way of 
 getting tangible advantage from the visit of Mr. Wil- 
 loughby. Thady hesitated. He did not see what the 
 Chief Secretary could do for him. He was already 
 a J.P., in virtue of his position as Chairman of the 
 Urban District Council. He did not know of any 
 other honour or any emolument which the Chief Sec- 
 retary could bestow. While he hesitated Dr. Whitty 
 came before the public with a plan. It was not very 
 original, but it seemed practical. He suggested that 
 Mr. Willoughby should be asked to build a pier for 
 the benefit of the town. 
 
 Michael Geraghty warmly supported the doctor. 
 He was by profession a builder and contractor, and 
 was the only man in Ballintra to whom the contract 
 for building a pier could possibly be given. He was 
 of opinion that a handsome profit might be realised 
 out of the work. He spent an evening working out 
 sums on a sheet of paper, and came to the conclusion 
 that he ought to clear 200 at least out of quite a 
 small pier, and might make much more if the inspec- 
 tor who passed his work turned out to be a fool. He 
 called on the doctor the next morning and expressed 
 his intention of doing all in his power to secure the 
 pier.
 
 12 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " It'll be a great benefit to the people of this dis- 
 trict," he said, " if so be we get the pier. Many's the 
 time there might be a fine catch of mackerel took, 
 or herring or the like, if only there was some way of 
 landing them. But what's the good of going out and 
 taking the trouble to catch the fish when a man'd only 
 be losing his life trying to land them at the slip there 
 is in it, and him maybe with a wife and family de- 
 pending on him ? " 
 
 " That's all right, Michael," said the doctor. 
 
 " It's the most thing that would be a real benefit 
 to the people," went on Geraghty, " would be to have 
 a good pier. There's more lives would be saved and 
 more money brought into the place " 
 
 " That's all right. You keep that sort of talk for 
 the Chief Secretary. Lay out the bodies of the 
 drowned fishermen in the street if you like when he's 
 coming into the town. Range out the widows and or- 
 phans in rows. Show him piles of empty packing 
 cases that might be full of fish if only we had a pier. 
 That sort of thing will impress him, I've no doubt. 
 But you needn't shoot it off at me." 
 
 Michael Geraghty looked at the doctor dubiously. 
 Then he smiled slowly. 
 
 " What you want, doctor," he said, " is to provide 
 employment for the starving inhabitants of this town, 
 the decent poor fellows that would be willing to work
 
 THE DEPUTATION 13 
 
 and earn what would keep themselves and their fam- 
 ilies in comfort if so be there was work in it to be 
 got. And with the help of God there will be work 
 when they've given us the money to build the pier. 
 It's the poor you're thinking of, doctor ; and I respect 
 you for it." 
 
 " I am not thinking of the poor. Don't you be 
 getting it into your head that I'm either a politician 
 or a philanthropist. I'm going to run this pier scheme 
 through because, when there's money going, we may 
 as well get our whack of it here in Ballintra as let 
 it be grabbed by some other place. That's what I'm 
 thinking of. What's in your mind is the profit you'll 
 make out of the job yourself. Devil the other idea 
 there is in your head this minute." 
 
 Michael Geraghty smiled again. Then he winked 
 slowly. 
 
 " You're a smart man, doctor," he said. " You're 
 a mighty smart man. I've always said it of you, and 
 I'll say it again." 
 
 " It's not just as easy as you might be inclined to 
 think," said the doctor, " to get the promise of a pier. 
 There was a time when any man that wanted a pier 
 could get it for the asking, and have it stuck down 
 on any spot on the whole coast of Connacht that he 
 chose to mention. But those days are past. They're 
 getting very particular now about piers. The last
 
 14 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 two Chief Secretaries have looked a long time at 
 1000 before they spent it on a pier." 
 
 " It's a damned shame then," said Geraghty. 
 " What's the good of our keeping up a Chief Secre- 
 tary at all if he won't It's enough to set a man 
 against the Government altogether, so it is." 
 
 " What we've got to do," said the doctor, " is to 
 face this Chief Secretary with a deputation of the 
 most respectable and influential possible kind, the sort 
 of deputation that he can't possibly refuse to listen 
 to." 
 
 "That'll be all right," said Geraghty. "There'll 
 be yourself and me and Father Henaghan and " 
 
 " Certainly not. Neither you nor I will be on the 
 deputation at all. We're no use. No Chief Secre- 
 tary in his senses would listen to what we had to say. 
 Father Henaghan we'll have, of course. He'll in- 
 troduce the deputation as soon as ever he's finished 
 conducting the Chief Secretary round the industrial 
 school at the convent." 
 
 " He'll do it," said Geraghty. 
 
 " Of course he will. He loves going on deputa- 
 tions. Then I'll go on to the Rev. Mr. Jackson 
 and" 
 
 " The Protestant minister ! " said Geraghty. 
 " What does he know about piers, or about Chief 
 Secretaries for that matter?"
 
 THE DEPUTATION 15 
 
 " Nothing," said the doctor. " But he'll be mighty 
 useful to us. What impresses a Chief Secretary more 
 than anything else is a union of all creeds for a com- 
 mon good object. When he sees Father Henaghan 
 and Mr. Jackson standing hand in hand in front of his 
 motor-car he'll be prepared to give us a lighthouse if 
 we want it, let alone a paltry pier." 
 
 " Maybe the Rev. Jackson won't go with you. I'm 
 told he's a queer sort of man." 
 
 " He's an excellent man. I was attending his chil- 
 dren when they had the measles last month, and I 
 happen to know that he's a most charitable man. 
 When I tell him all you've been saying about the poor 
 fellows that are out of work, and the benefit the build- 
 ing operations will be to them in the way of wages, 
 he'll join the deputation at once. There's no difficulty 
 whatever so far. The next two people we must se- 
 cure are Colonel Beresford and Thady Glynn." 
 
 " Be damn," said Geraghty, " but you'll not be able 
 to get them not the both of them; though I don't 
 say but you might get either the one or the other." 
 
 " We must have both, Michael, however we man- 
 age it. If we don't get the colonel, the Chief Secre- 
 tary will be inclined to think that the whole thing is 
 a got-up job, and that there's no real need of a pier." 
 
 "He might think that surely." 
 
 " He might and would. What's more, speaking
 
 16 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 between ourselves, he'd be perfectly right if he did. 
 That's why we must have the colonel." 
 
 " He'll not join," said Geraghty, " not if he knows 
 that Thady Glynn is to be one of the party. He hates 
 Thady worse than the devil. And if Thady's left 
 out" 
 
 " We can't leave Thady out possibly. As Chair- 
 man of all the different Boards and Leagues about 
 the place he's a most important man. He'll impress 
 the Chief Secretary tremendously." 
 
 " If you left him out he'd go round and rise the 
 minds of the people against the pier, so as they'd get 
 up a petition to have it carted away, if so be that it 
 was stuck down in the middle of the street." 
 
 " Exactly. That's another reason why we must 
 have Thady. We won't get the pier without him." 
 
 " You'll not get both him and the colonel," said 
 Geraghty despondingly. " The thing couldn't be 
 done. No man living could do it. If the colonel 
 goes, then Thady'll refuse, for he doesn't like the 
 colonel any more than the colonel likes him; and if 
 you have Thady engaged, the colonel will swear by 
 this and by that that he'll not go near the Chief Sec- 
 retary not if he was never to see a Chief Secre- 
 tary again as long as he lived." 
 
 " When I say I must have them both, I mean to 
 get them both. Listen to me now, Michael. I'm go-
 
 THE DEPUTATION 17 
 
 ing round now to Father Henaghan and the Rev. Mr. 
 Jackson. They'll agree all right. Just you drop into 
 the hotel and see Thady Glynn. Tell him I sent you 
 to ask him to go on the deputation. Tell him that 
 I'm asking Colonel Beresford, and that I'm pretty 
 sure the colonel will agree. In fact, you might go as 
 far as to say that the colonel has agreed. Then come 
 back here and tell me what Thady says." 
 
 " I can tell you that this minute. He'll say that 
 he'll see you and the colonel and the Chief Secretary 
 and the pier and town of Ballintra a mighty long way 
 off before he goes on any such expedition." 
 
 " Go you off and do as I bid you," said the doctor, 
 " and let me run this show my own way." 
 
 Michael Geraghty was back in the doctor's house 
 in less than an hour. He had drunk two bottles of 
 porter and a glass of whisky, but he was not at all 
 cheered. He feared that the doctor's plan was 
 doomed to failure. Thady Glynn had violently re- 
 fused to have anything to do with the deputation. 
 He had cursed Dr. Whitty for a meddlesome young 
 fool. He had expressed a passionate detestation of 
 Colonel Beresford. He had threatened to have let- 
 ters written to the paper exposing the whole pier 
 scheme as a dodge a dastardly and cowardly plot 
 to seduce the League from the true principles of 
 democracy. It was, he declared, a scandal that a
 
 18 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 well-known enemy of the popular will, like Colonel 
 Beresford, should be associated with a movement of 
 the kind. Michael, who knew the power and influ- 
 ence of Thady Glynn, felt that there was no hope at 
 all of getting anything out of the Chief Secretary. 
 He made his report to the doctor. 
 
 " Didn't I tell you," he said at the end of it, " that 
 it's the way things would be? Anybody might have 
 known it." 
 
 Dr. Whitty received the news with the greatest 
 cheerfulness. 
 
 " That's all right," he said. " That's exactly what 
 I hoped he'd say." 
 
 " You're easy satisfied, then, if you're pleased with 
 that." 
 
 " I'm going up to the colonel now," said the doc- 
 tor. " Do you come in here to-morrow at two o'clock, 
 when I'll be at home for my dinner, and I'll tell you 
 what's the next thing you have to say to Thady 
 Glynn." 
 
 Dr. Whitty mounted his bicycle and rode to the 
 entrance of the demesne. He greeted the gate- 
 keeper's child cheerfully, and then sped up the long, 
 shady avenue. He found Colonel Beresford cut- 
 ting exhausted blossoms off his rose trees in front 
 of the house. He introduced his business without 
 delay.
 
 THE DEPUTATION 19 
 
 " You've heard," he said, " that the new Chief Sec- 
 retary, Mr. Willoughby, is to pass through the town 
 the day after to-morrow. We were thinking of get- 
 ting up a deputation to wait upon him in the hope 
 that he might build us a pier in Ballintra." 
 
 " Why the devil should he build a pier in Ballin- 
 tra ? " asked the colonel. 
 
 " Oh, we're not particular as to its being a pier. A 
 railway or anything else would do quite as well. We 
 only suggest a pier because it's the usual thing." 
 
 " But why should he build anything? " 
 
 " I don't know why ; but, as a matter of fact you 
 must have observed it yourself, colonel all Chief 
 Secretaries build a lot of things when they first come 
 over. I suppose they think it'll make them popular 
 with the people. It doesn't, of course, but they don't 
 find that out for a long time. What we feel is that 
 if there are piers and things going we may as well 
 get our share as not." 
 
 " Very well. If a man's fool enough to build a 
 pier in a place like this, get it if you can, by all means. 
 I suppose you'll put it somewhere out of the way, so 
 that it won't interfere with the fishing boats." 
 
 " Of course we will. I'm glad you take the view 
 you do of it, colonel, because we want you to form 
 one of the deputation." 
 
 "Who else is going on it? I'm not going to mix
 
 20 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 myself up with a pack of blackguards simply to swin- 
 dle a Chief Secretary out of a pier." 
 
 " Mr. Jackson, the rector, has just promised to be 
 one." 
 
 The colonel grunted. He had no very high opin- 
 ion of Mr. Jackson's ability, but he was not prepared 
 to describe him as a blackguard. 
 
 " And Father Henaghan." 
 
 "And who else?" 
 
 "You, colonel." 
 
 " Look here, doctor, there's no use dribbling out 
 the names one by one in this way. Sooner or later 
 you've got to own up to it that Thady Glynn is to be 
 one of the party. I may as well tell you straight that 
 I'm not going to mix myself up with that fellow. I 
 wouldn't do it if it was to establish a naval dockyard 
 in the bay. I wouldn't do it if you promised me 
 1000. That blackguard hasn't missed an opportu- 
 nity of abusing me in the most scurrilous way for the 
 last ten years. I'd do a good deal to oblige you, doc- 
 tor, but I won't walk about with my arm round 
 Glynn's neck to please any Chief Secretary in Chris- 
 tendom ; so it's no use your asking me." 
 
 " Michael Geraghty " said the doctor. 
 
 " I don't care a hang about Michael Geraghty. I 
 suppose he thinks that if there's a pier he'll get the 
 building of it."
 
 THE DEPUTATION 21 
 
 " He does, of course. But what I wanted to tell 
 you was that Michael Geraghty says Thady Glynn 
 won't go on the deputation. It appears he cursed 
 and swore like mad when he heard of it, and flatly 
 refused to act." 
 
 " Did he? I'm surprised at that. I'd have thought 
 he'd simply have loved it." 
 
 " It appears that he doesn't, though. Now, if I 
 were you, colonel, I'd put a spoke in Thady Glynn's 
 wheel. He thinks we can't get the pier without him. 
 You come forward and get it for us, and Thady will 
 be the sickest man in Ballintra for the next eighteen 
 months." 
 
 The colonel chuckled. He was not at all averse 
 to getting the better of Thady if he could. After a 
 little more persuasion he agreed to form part of the 
 deputation. 
 
 " Good," said the doctor. " We'll count on you. 
 The day after to-morrow, at half-past twelve o'clock 
 outside the convent. Don't forget." 
 
 The following evening Michael Geraghty, carefully 
 instructed by Dr. Whitty, and fully alive to the deli- 
 cate nature of the negotiation before him, strolled into 
 the hotel and approached the bar. He ordered a 
 bottle of porter from Thady Glynn, and then ap- 
 proached his business obliquely. 
 
 " It's wonderful," he said, " the spite that some
 
 22 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 men has men that ought to know better against 
 the people of this country and all that might be for 
 their good." 
 
 " That's true," said Thady Glynn. 
 
 " You'd hardly believe it now," said Geraghty, 
 " but no sooner did the old colonel above, at the big 
 house, hear your name mentioned in connection with 
 the forthcoming deputation to the Chief Secretary " 
 
 " I'm not going on it. I told you that before." 
 
 " than he turned on the doctor, and damned 
 scoundrel was the mildest words he used. I wouldn't 
 care to be repeating to you the rest of what he said." 
 
 "Did he then?" 
 
 " He did, and more. He said there'd be no pier 
 got without he went and asked for it." 
 
 "Did he say that?" 
 
 " He did. And of course it was the truth. Who'd 
 give a pier to the likes of us when the gentry says a 
 pier's not wanted in the locality ? " 
 
 " Was it me he called a damned scoundrel ? " 
 
 " It was. Maybe I oughtn't to have repeated the 
 like ; but it's out now, and if you hadn't heard it from 
 me you would from another; so it's as well as it is." 
 
 "I'll teach him," said Thady. "I'll give him a 
 lesson he'll remember." 
 
 " What's the use of talking? You couldn't. What 
 does he care for the likes of you? There's only one
 
 THE DEPUTATION 23 
 
 thing that would vex him, and that's what you couldn't 
 do." 
 
 "What's that?" 
 
 " Get the pier for us. He'd be mad if he heard 
 that we'd got it in spite of him. But you couldn't 
 do it, so where's the use?" 
 
 " I could do it if I laid myself down to the job." 
 
 " You could not. You're angry this minute, Mr. 
 Glynn, if you'll excuse my saying so. You're angry, 
 and small blame to you. You think you could do 
 anything, the way he has you rose by the language 
 he used ; but you couldn't get the pier. The Chief 
 Secretary wouldn't listen to what you'd say." 
 
 " He would listen, and it would be the worse for 
 him if he did not. I'd have a question asked in Par- 
 liament' if he didn't listen to me, and that's what he 
 wouldn't like." 
 
 " Anyway, you won't do it," said Geraghty. 
 "Aren't you after saying this minute that nothing 
 would make you go on the deputation ? " 
 
 " I may have said that, but if I did it was because 
 I thought it was a got-up job with them behind it 
 that hasn't the good of the people in their hearts. 
 But I see now I was wrong about that. You can 
 tell the doctor I'll go, and, what's more, I'll do my 
 best. What time is it to be ? " 
 
 " It's twelve o'clock," said Geraghty. " That's the
 
 24 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 hour fixed for the visit to the industrial school above, 
 at the convent, and the deputation is to meet him 
 when he comes out." 
 
 " You may tell the doctor. I'll be there." 
 " I'll take another bottle of porter," said Geraghty, 
 " the way I'll wish you luck." 
 
 The Chief Secretary and his wife, a charming lady 
 in a mauve dress of Irish tweed, reached Ballintra in 
 good time. Accompanied by Father Henaghan and 
 conducted by the Reverend Mother, they entered the 
 convent just as the town clock struck twelve. At 
 ten minutes past twelve Dr. Whitty arrived and was 
 cheered by the crowd which had watched the arrival 
 of the motor-car. Five minutes later the Rev. J. 
 Jackson, rector of the parish, came up. He had put 
 on a silk hat, of somewhat antiquated shape, for the 
 occasion. He looked hot and nervous. The crowd, 
 which was in an exceptionally good humour, cheered 
 him too. At twenty minutes past twelve Thady Glynn 
 and Michael Geraghty strolled up together from the 
 hotel and took up a position just outside the convent 
 gate. Some one in the crowd began to sing, " God 
 save Ireland." The prayer, considering that Thady 
 Glynn was a prominent leader of public opinion in the 
 country, was appropriate, but it was sung without 
 any malicious intent. There was no thought in any- 
 one's mind that Mr. Glynn might be a difficulty in
 
 THE DEPUTATION 25 
 
 the way of the Almighty. Then Colonel Beresford 
 drove up in a smart dogcart drawn by a well-groomed 
 horse. The singing ceased at once. An Irish crowd 
 is always courteous, and it was felt quite rightly that 
 a prayer for the welfare of Ireland would be regarded 
 as an insult to Colonel Beresford. Dr. Whitty 
 watched the scene anxiously, casting hurried glances 
 from the dogcart to the convent gate, and back from 
 the convent gate to the dogcart. He saw Mr. Thady 
 Glynn start, saw him make a remark which he sup- 
 posed, from the gesticulation which accompanied it, 
 to be a violent oath. The colonel drove on. Dr. 
 Whitty saw Michael Geraghty seize Thady by the 
 arm and whisper eagerly to him. The colonel 
 pulled up his horse with a jerk and sat glaring furi- 
 ously in the direction of the convent gate. Dr. 
 Whitty felt that there was not a moment to be lost. 
 He darted forward and took his place beside the 
 colonel's trap. 
 
 " Good morning, colonel. You're just in time. 
 The Chief Secretary is in the convent. He'll be out 
 in two minutes. Mr. Jackson is here, and Father 
 Henaghan is inside. We're all ready. Jump down." 
 
 The colonel, by way of reply, jammed his whip into 
 its socket, raised his arm, and pointed a finger at 
 Thady Glynn. Dr. Whitty leaned towards him and 
 spoke in a clear whisper.
 
 26 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 "I know. It's that beast Thady Glynn. He's 
 come here to make himself objectionable, with all the 
 corner boys about the place after him. He'll start 
 them hooting, or booming, or something directly the 
 Chief Secretary comes out. I was afraid he'd do 
 something of the sort. But never mind. Father 
 Henaghan will introduce the deputation. It'll be all 
 right." 
 
 The colonel squared himself, as military men do, 
 and assumed an appearance of great determination. 
 Dr. Whitty glanced over his shoulder and observed 
 with pleasure that Thady Glynn was standing his 
 ground. Michael Geraghty had acted on his instruc- 
 tions and told Thady that Colonel Beresford had 
 come to persuade the Chief Secretary not to give the 
 pier. The colonel got out of his trap and stalked ma- 
 jestically across the road. Mr. Jackson joined him. 
 Dr. Whitty watched the convent door anxiously. 
 The situation was critical. He sincerely hoped that 
 the Chief Secretary would not- be delayed by any un- 
 hallowed desire to see more than the Reverend 
 Mother wanted to show him. He need not have been 
 anxious. Mr. Willoughby was a man of tact. He 
 asked only the proper questions and patted the heads 
 of no girls except those brought immediately under 
 his notice. At half-past twelve precisely he shook 
 hands with the Reverend Mother and stepped out of
 
 THE DEPUTATION 27 
 
 the convent door. The colonel, Mr. Jackson, and 
 Thady Glynn approached him. Father Henaghan 
 left Mrs. Willoughby, to whom he had been chatting, 
 hurried to the front, and took off his hat. 
 
 " It's my pleasing duty, sir," he said, " to introduce 
 to you a deputation which, for its representative char- 
 acter, has never been equalled in this neighbourhood." 
 
 The crowd, led by Michael Geraghty, cheered 
 loudly. Mr. Willoughby took off his hat. His wife 
 bowed from the background. 
 
 " The Rev. Mr. Jackson," said Father Henaghan, 
 " is the Protestant rector of the parish, a gentleman 
 respected by all classes and creeds for his charity 
 and Christian conduct. And I may say, sir, that in 
 this parish all creeds live together in harmony and 
 good-fellowship." 
 
 Mr. Jackson, hat in hand, took a step forward and 
 bowed to Mr. Willoughby. Mr. Willoughby shook 
 him warmly by the hand. The crowd cheered again. 
 
 " This," said Father Henaghan, " is Colonel Beres- 
 ford. I make no doubt but you've heard of him be- 
 fore now, and I may say ' 
 
 Dr. Whitty watched Thady Glynn. Fortunately 
 the crowd cheered again. Thady hesitated, scowling 
 heavily. 
 
 " I may say," continued Father Henaghan, " that 
 the fact of Colonel Beresford's presence with us to-
 
 28 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 day is a proof that the request we are about to make 
 is reasonable and just." 
 
 The Chief Secretary shook Colonel Beresford's 
 hand, and introduced him to Mrs. Willoughby, who 
 smiled pleasantly. The crowd cheered vociferously. 
 
 " This," said Father Henaghan, taking the unwill- 
 ing Thady Glynn by the arm and leading him for- 
 ward, " is my particular friend, Mr. Glynn, of the 
 Imperial Hotel. A leading man, sir, in this neigh- 
 bourhood, a J.P., and the Chairman of the Board of 
 Guardians." 
 
 Colonel Beresford grew extremely red in the face. 
 Dr. Whitty suspected that he was only restrained 
 from swearing by the presence of Mrs. Willoughby. 
 The colonel was before all a gentleman, and respected 
 the feelings of the lady beside him. Dr. Whitty 
 edged a little away from him. 
 
 " What this deputation wishes to lay before you," 
 said Father Henaghan, " is the drawback that this 
 town suffers from the want of a pier. It's well 
 known that the development of the fisheries of this 
 coast is one of the greatest boons which a sympa- 
 thetic Government could confer on our poor people." 
 
 He ambled on, encouraged by the cheers of the 
 crowd, totally unconscious of the passions which his 
 introductions had excited. Even Dr. Whitty, who 
 had no reason to look forward with pleasure to the
 
 THE DEPUTATION 29 
 
 immediate future, began to wish that he would stop. 
 In the end, of course, he did stop. All men must, 
 even when they speak on a topic so entrancing as 
 the development of Irish fisheries. The Chief Sec- 
 retary's reply was brief but satisfactory. He said 
 that nothing gratified him more than to observe the 
 union of classes and creeds in Ireland. The coun- 
 try, he thought, had been too long divided into hostile 
 factions. In the deputation which had met him that 
 day he saw a plain proof that the days of division 
 were past and a happier epoch at hand. He added 
 that the inhabitants of Ballintra might count upon 
 having the pier they wanted. He himself would see 
 to it that the necessary money was forthcoming. 
 Then he shook hands with each member of the depu- 
 tation, placed his wife in the motor-car, gave an 
 order to the driver, and departed. 
 
 " Dr. Whitty," said the colonel furiously, " you 
 have grossly abused my confidence, sir. I trusted 
 your word as I might have trusted the word of a 
 gentleman. I find " 
 
 " The man you have to blame, colonel," said the 
 doctor, " is Michael Geraghty. Michael told me dis- 
 tinctly that Thady Glynn absolutely refused to go on 
 the deputation. I had every reason to believe what 
 he said. I did believe it. I believe still that it was 
 true at the time he told it to me. Come now, colonel,
 
 30 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 be reasonable. You can't hold me responsible because 
 Glynn changed his mind at the last moment." 
 " I do hold you responsible," said the colonel ; 
 
 T " 
 
 " If Geraghty wasn't fighting for his life this min- 
 ute," said Dr. Whitty, " and getting the worst of it 
 from Thady Glynn, I'd call him to corroborate what 
 I say. Look at that." 
 
 He pointed to the spot where Michael Geraghty 
 was trying to ward off the blows aimed at his head 
 by Thady Glynn. Father Henaghan, with uplifted 
 hands, was dancing about on the outskirts of the 
 fray trying to restore peace. 
 
 " Look at that," said Dr. Whitty. " Thady's pretty 
 near as angry as you are." 
 
 Colonel Beresford had a sense of humour. He 
 glanced at Thady and his victim, glared at the doctor, 
 glanced at Father Henaghan, smiled at the doctor, 
 and finally got into his trap and drove off. 
 
 In the evening Michael Geraghty came round to the 
 doctor's house and complained of the awkward posi- 
 tion in which he had been placed. 
 
 " Thady Glynn," he said, " was terrible angry. 
 Only for Father Henaghan he'd have had me killed." 
 
 " You're all right," said the doctor. " I can't see 
 what you have to complain of. You've no bones 
 broken and you've got the pier."
 
 THE DEPUTATION 81 
 
 " Thady'll never speak to me again in this world." 
 " He will. So soon as ever he finds out that you're 
 going to make 200 out of that pier he'll be as friendly 
 as ever he was. Why, man, it would be a terrible 
 thing for him if you spent all that money anywhere 
 but in his shop."
 
 II 
 
 THE PIER 
 
 T was about six o'clock in the afternoon of an 
 * August day, rather more than a year after the 
 visit of the Chief Secretary, when Mr. Eccles, B.E., 
 drove into Ballintra. He engaged a room in Thady 
 Glynn's hotel, and then asked where Dr. Whitty lived. 
 Thady eyed his guest, anxious to know exactly who 
 he was and what he wanted in Ballintra. He was 
 not a commercial traveller. Thady knew all the gen- 
 tlemen of that profession who visited Ballintra, and 
 he did not recognise Mr. Eccles. It followed that 
 he must be a Government official. Thady searched 
 his memory, but could think of nothing in the recent 
 performances of the Board of Guardians, over which 
 he presided, which would call for a visit from a Local 
 Government Board inspector. He decided that Mr. 
 Eccles must be an engineer, and had probably come 
 to report on the pier which Michael Geraghty had 
 built. Mr. Eccles repeated his inquiry for Dr. 
 Whitty. 
 
 " Is it the doctor you want to see ? " 
 
 32
 
 THE PIER 33 
 
 Thady was a little puzzled. He could not imagine 
 why a Board of Works engineer should want to visit 
 Dr. Whitty. 
 
 " Yes," said Mr. Eccles ; " where does he live ? " 
 
 "If it's a tooth that's troubling you," said Thady, 
 " you couldn't go to a better man than Dr. Whitty. 
 He'll whip it out for you before you'll rightly know 
 he has a grip on it. There isn't a proper dentist 
 would do it quicker." 
 
 This warm recommendation was highly creditable 
 to Thady Glynn. He had never liked Dr. Whitty. 
 He owed him a special grudge since the day when the 
 deputation met the Chief Secretary. But he did not 
 allow his private feelings to stand in the way of a 
 public duty. If there was a half-crown to be got 
 out of a Government official he was anxious to secure 
 it for the pocket of one of the inhabitants of Ballintra, 
 if possible, rather than allow it to be wasted on a 
 Dublin dentist. 
 
 " I don't want him to pull my teeth out," said Mr. 
 Eccles. " Do I look like a man who'd come all the 
 way to Ballintra because he had toothache ? " 
 
 "You do not," said Thady judicially. "When I 
 take a good look at you I can see well that you're not 
 that sort of man." 
 
 " Dr. Whitty and I are old friends," said Mr. Ec- 
 cles. " He and I lived in the same lodgings when he
 
 34 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 was walking the hospitals and I was going through 
 the engineering school." 
 
 Thady Glynn was satisfied. He started his guest 
 on the way to Dr. Whitty's house and then returned 
 to his own bar. He found Michael Geraghty there. 
 There had been an outward reconciliation between 
 him and Geraghty, brought about by a conviction, 
 present in both their minds, of the inconvenience of 
 keeping up a quarrel. Michael had borrowed, at a 
 high rate of interest, a good deal of money from 
 Thady Glynn, money absolutely necessary for his pier 
 building. As one instalment after another of his con- 
 tract price was paid him by the Government he punc- 
 tually discharged his debt. He now stood clear of 
 Thady Glynn's books, and was looking forward to his 
 last and largest cheque, as almost all clear profit, to 
 be put into his own pocket. 
 
 " Did you see the man that's just after driving up 
 to the hotel?" said Thady. 
 
 " I did," said Michael Geraghty " a good-looking 
 young fellow enough. Who is he ? " 
 
 " He's the engineer from the Board of Works," 
 said Thady, " that's come down to pass your pier be- 
 fore they pay for it." 
 
 " I'm glad to hear it. It's time he came." 
 
 " He's a mighty sharp man, sharper than any of 
 them that was down before looking at it."
 
 THE PIER 35 
 
 " He'll find no fault with the pier, no matter how 
 sharp he is," said Michael bravely. 
 
 " I hope he won't. It'd be a terrible thing for 
 you, Michael, if he wouldn't pass it now it's done, 
 after all the money you've spent on it." 
 
 " It would be a loss of 250 to me," said Michael. 
 " But why would he not pass it ? It's a good pier. 
 I don't know where you'd see a pier that's better 
 built." 
 
 "It's a well-built pier. He'll not fault the work 
 that's in it. But you couldn't be up to the ways 
 of them fellows. He mightn't pass it at the latter 
 end." 
 
 Michael Geraghty was uneasy. He spoke con- 
 fidentially, but there was a note of anxiety in his 
 voice. 
 
 "Where's he off to now?" he asked. "He 
 wouldn't be going down to the pier at this time of 
 the evening, all by himself, without me with him." 
 
 " He's not gone near the pier, and he won't till to- 
 morrow morning. And it wouldn't be any harm if 
 he did, for he hasn't taken his measuring tape with 
 him. He's gone to see Dr. Whitty, if you want to 
 know. I'm sure of that, for he asked me the way 
 to his house. It seems the doctor and him is old 
 friends." 
 
 "If he's gone there it's all right," said Michael.
 
 36 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " The doctor's a good friend of mine. He'll put in 
 a word for me." 
 
 " You don't want him, or any other one, to be put- 
 ting in a word for you, if so be that your pier's all 
 right." 
 
 " I do not, of course. But it'll do no harm, any- 
 way. Them inspectors from Dublin is queer at 
 times." 
 
 " This is a mighty sharp man, anyway," said Thady. 
 " I could tell that by the way he looked at me when 
 I told him it would be a pleasure to the doctor to be 
 pulling his teeth out of him. It's as well for you 
 that he'll not be able to fault your pier." 
 
 Mr. Eccles returned to the hotel at about midnight. 
 He had spent a very pleasant evening with Dr. Whitty. 
 They dined together, and after dinner, drinking a 
 moderate quantity of whisky and smoking an im- 
 moderate quantity of tobacco, they recalled bygone 
 festivities, football matches, cycling tours, and other 
 joys of their lost youth. Before they parted they en- 
 tered into a covenant to spend their September holi- 
 day together, climbing mountains in Cumberland. 
 Dr. Whitty could, he thought, count on a clear fort- 
 night. Mr. Eccles, under the rules of his department, 
 was entitled to three weeks. 
 
 Early next morning Dr. Whitty was aroused by 
 a knocking at his hall door. He looked out of the
 
 THE PIER 37 
 
 window and discovered Michael Geraghty standing 
 on the step. 
 
 " If it's your wife's rheumatism," he said, " I'll 
 not dress myself to go and attend her at this hour. 
 It'll neither be better nor worse after breakfast." 
 
 " It's not herself at all," said Michael Geraghty. 
 
 " Has Thady Glynn been beating you again ? for, 
 if he has, you needn't come here to be plastered up. 
 I told you last time you'd have to learn to hit back. 
 I hate a man who sits down and lets himself be as- 
 saulted." 
 
 " There's been no one beating me." 
 
 " Then what the devil do you want ? Has the baby 
 swallowed a pin? If so, go home out of this and 
 feed her on mashed potatoes and cotton wool." 
 
 " I want a word with you, doctor." 
 
 " Very well, say it, and let me get back to my bed." 
 
 " It's not what I could be shouting out in the 
 street," said Michael. " It's of a private nature, and 
 I'd thank you to let me within into the house before 
 I say it." 
 
 Dr. Whitty's curiosity was aroused. He went 
 downstairs, opened the door, and brought Michael 
 Geraghty into the dispensary. 
 
 " Now, then," he said, " out with it." 
 
 "They do say," said Michael, "that the gentle- 
 man that's down from Dublin is a great friend of your
 
 38 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 own, and that he'd do anything you asked him, what- 
 ever it might be." 
 
 " He is a friend of mine." 
 
 " And they tell me he's come about the pier, to 
 give me the writing that'll entitle me to get the last 
 instalment of the price." 
 
 " That's exactly what he has come for." 
 
 " Then I'd be thankful to you, doctor, if you'd put 
 in a good word for me." 
 
 " Is there anything the matter with the pier ? " 
 
 " It's a good pier," said Michael Geraghty. 
 
 "If it's a good pier," said the doctor, " you don't 
 want me to be talking to the engineer. He'll pass it 
 all right without that." 
 
 " It would do no harm if you were to speak a word 
 to him." 
 
 " Look here," said the doctor, " I'm quite ready 
 to help you, Michael, all I can. But I won't work 
 in the dark. If there's anything wrong with your 
 pier, tell me what it is, and I'll pull you through." 
 
 " It's a good pier," said Michael. 
 
 " If that's all you're going to say you may go home, 
 and devil the word I'll speak to Mr. Eccles on your 
 behalf." 
 
 " It's a good pier," said Michael " what there is 
 of it." 
 
 "Oh," said the doctor, "so that's the way of it,
 
 THE PIER 39 
 
 is it? What a damned fool you are, Michael; you 
 must have known he'd measure it." 
 
 " He might not." 
 
 " He will. I know Eccles, and he'll measure any 
 pier he inspects. If it's so much as an inch short 
 he'll not pass it." 
 
 " I'm not saying it is short, mind you," said Mich- 
 ael Geraghty cautiously. " All I want is for you to 
 speak a word to him in case he was to fault it that 
 way or another. It's ruined and broke altogether 
 I'd be if I didn't get the money that's owing to me 
 this minute." 
 
 " I'll do the best I can for you, Michael. I'll be 
 down at the pier this morning, and if I'm able to 
 distract his attention when he's measuring it, I will. 
 Anyway, make your mind easy about it. One way or 
 another I'll see you safe through." 
 
 Mr. Eccles breakfasted quietly at nine o'clock. At 
 ten he prepared to go down to the pier. Thady 
 Glynn met him in the hall of the hotel. 
 
 " Might I speak a word to you, sir? " 
 
 " Certainly." 
 
 "And what I say will be kept private?" 
 
 " I don't know about that. It depends on what 
 it is." 
 
 Thady Glynn looked searchingly at Mr. Eccles. 
 He would have liked to have secured himself by a
 
 40 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 pledge of secrecy, but he was prepared to run some 
 risks for the sake of a complete and satisfactory re- 
 venge on Michael Geraghty. 
 
 " I'll trust you," he said at last, " without your 
 promising, but it'll be a bad thing for me that has to 
 live among the people here if it ever gets out that I 
 gave you the word." 
 
 " Don't do it unless you like," said Mr. Eccles. 
 " I'm not asking you for any information." 
 
 " I will do it. I'm an honest man, and it goes 
 against me to see cheating and robbery going on, 
 even if it's only the Government that's at the loss of 
 the money. It's the curse of this country the way 
 men'll go behind their bargains for the sake of try- 
 ing to make a pound or two." 
 
 " Those opinions do you the greatest credit." 
 
 " Michael Geraghty is a friend of mine," said 
 Thady Glynn, " an old friend that, I've known since 
 the both of us were barefooted gossures running in 
 and out of the school beyond. But I wouldn't let 
 him being my friend stop me in doing my duty. 
 There was talk one time of his marrying a sister of 
 mine, though it didn't come off, owing to a falling 
 out there was over the girl's fortune. I won't let 
 that stop me." 
 
 "Don't," said Mr. Eccles. "Duty before all 
 things, especially public duty."
 
 THE PIER 41 
 
 " If I were you," said Thady, sinking his voice to 
 a whisper, " I'd measure that pier. I'm not saying 
 there's anything wrong, but if I was you, I'd meas- 
 ure it. That's all I'll say, so make the most of it, 
 you." 
 
 " Thank you," said Mr. Eccles. " I should have 
 measured it in any case." 
 
 He walked down to the pier and found Dr. Whitty 
 and Michael Geraghty waiting for him. There was 
 also a small crowd of men, principally those who had 
 taken some part in building the pier. 
 
 " It's a glorious day," said the doctor. " Hurry 
 up over vetting the pier and then we'll get rid of 
 these fellows and have a swim off the end of it." 
 
 " That's about all this pier will ever be used for," 
 said Mr. Eccles. 
 
 His eye was fixed on a jagged reef of rocks which 
 lay plainly visible about twenty yards seaward of the 
 end of the pier, a horrible menace to a boat approach- 
 ing in any but the calmest weather. 
 
 " It's a good pier," said Michael Geraghty. " I 
 don't know where you'd see a better." 
 
 " It is," said the group of bystanders in chorus. 
 " It's a credit to the man that built it." 
 
 " Come on," said Dr. Whitty, " tap a stone or two 
 to see that they're real and then sign whatever you 
 have to sign."
 
 42 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " The stones are all right," said Mr. Eccles. 
 
 He opened a small brown bag which he carried in 
 his hand and took out a measuring-tape. 
 
 " Surely to goodness," said the doctor, " you're not 
 going to spend the whole morning measuring the 
 thing?" 
 
 Mr. Eccles beckoned to Michael Geraghty and gave 
 him the end of the tape. 
 
 " Take this," he said, " and hold on to it while I 
 walk out to the end of the pier." 
 
 Michael Geraghty did as he was bid. Mr. Eccles, 
 letting the tape run out of its case, walked rapidly 
 along the pier. Michael Geraghty, his eyes fixed on 
 Mr. Eccles, took three rapid steps backwards, drag- 
 ging the tape with him. Mr. Eccles turned sharply. 
 
 " I'm not surveying the field behind there," he said. 
 " Kindly stand where I put you." 
 
 " I didn't move a step," said Michael. 
 
 " You did." 
 
 "There's them here," said Michael, "that'll tell 
 you I did not, if you ask them." 
 
 " I'm not going to ask them. Just you go back to 
 the place I put you, and stay there." 
 
 Michael Geraghty went back. Mr. Eccles resumed 
 his expedition to the extremity of the pier. As he 
 did so, Michael gathered the tape into a ball in his 
 hand. When Mr. Eccles reached the end of the pier
 
 THE PIER 43 
 
 Michael had about five yards of tape crushed in his 
 palm. Mr. Eccles gave a sudden jerk, and then, 
 winding up his end of the tape, took the measurement 
 of the pier. He noted the result on a slip of paper. 
 Then he called Michael Geraghty to him, stood him 
 on the point of the pier, walked shorewards himself, 
 and checked his first measurement carefully. This 
 time he entered the figures in a notebook. 
 
 " I am sorry," he said, " but I can't sign the cer- 
 tificate authorising payment for this work. The pier 
 is twenty-seven feet short of the length stated in our 
 specification." 
 
 " Your honour, sir " said Michael Geraghty. 
 
 "Yes?" 
 
 " If you make me add another twenty-seven feet 
 to the end of the pier I'll be broke. I couldn't do it. 
 It's little enough I'm making out of it the way it is. 
 I shan't have a penny no, but I'll have a big loss 
 on it, and you wouldn't like to be the means of putting 
 an honest poor man, with a wife and family de- 
 pendent on him, into the workhouse." 
 
 "I can't help myself," said Mr. Eccles. "You 
 don't surely expect me to sign a certificate that the 
 work's done when it isn't." 
 
 " It's that damned traitor, Thady Glynn, that put 
 you up to measuring it. He's had it in for me ever 
 since the time the doctor played the trick on him and
 
 44 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 the colonel, when the Chief Secretary was in the 
 town. But I'll be even with him yet. I'll : 
 
 " You shut up, Michael," said Dr. Whitty, " and 
 don't be making a fool of yourself. Come on out of 
 this, Eccles. I suppose, after the way you've behaved 
 to poor Geraghty, you'd hardly care to bathe off the 
 end of his pier. It wouldn't be decent." 
 
 " If I'm hanged for it after," said Michael Ger- 
 aghty, " I'll make Thady Glynn sorry for himself. 
 If I don't" 
 
 " Be quiet, can't you, Michael ? " said a man from 
 the crowd. " Be quiet, when the doctor bids you. 
 Don't you see him taking the inspector by the arm 
 and talking to him ? It'll be all right, I tell you. The 
 doctor'll manage him if you don't get putting the man's 
 back up against you with the like of that murdering 
 talk." 
 
 " The doctor himself can't help me now," said 
 Michael despondingly. " I'm ruined and destroyed, 
 and it's all the fault of Thady Glynn. There's ne'er 
 another man about the town would have done a turn 
 like that." 
 
 Mr. Eccles and the doctor left the pier together 
 and walked towards the town. 
 
 " That hotel-keeper," said Eccles, " seems to be a 
 pretty low-down species of beast. I suppose he had 
 a spite against the contractor."
 
 THE PIER 45 
 
 " Geraghty was right, then," said the doctor. " It 
 was Thady Glynn put you up to measuring the pier." 
 
 " I'd have done that in any case. Nothing he said 
 made a bit of difference. All the same, I hope our 
 friend Geraghty Geraghty's the name, isn't it? 
 will give him the thrashing he deserves, and a bit 
 over. You'd hardly believe it, but he tried to per- 
 suade me this morning that he was acting out of pub- 
 lic spirit and honesty." 
 
 " Did he, then ? He must have taken you for a 
 bigger fool than I'd have thought you look if he ex- 
 pected you to swallow that." 
 
 " It appears to me that you all mistook me for a 
 fool," said Eccles. " Did you really suppose I'd cer- 
 tify for that pier without measuring it?" 
 
 " Look here," said the doctor, " surely to good- 
 ness you're not really going to cut poor Geraghty 
 off without his money ? You can't mean to do that." 
 
 " I am, of course. What else can I do ? The 
 beastly thing's twenty-seven feet too short." 
 
 " Come in here to my house till I talk to you." 
 
 " I'll come in for an hour, if you like, but after 
 that I must go. And I warn you fairly, you may talk 
 till you're sick, but you won't make me put my name 
 to the bottom of that certificate till the pier's the 
 right length." 
 
 Dr. Whitty set his friend down in a comfortable
 
 46 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 chair, offered him whisky, which he refused, and to- 
 bacco, which he accepted, then he began. 
 
 " Geraghty," he said, " is a decent man, and he's 
 done good solid work on that pier. You could see 
 for yourself that the stones he built it of were real 
 stones. He didn't make the least attempt to stick you 
 there." 
 
 " If there'd been any other material in the coun- 
 try cheaper than stones," said Eccles, " I haven't the 
 least doubt he'd have used it, and tried to persuade 
 me afterwards it was stone, otherwise I dare say he's 
 decent enough." 
 
 " Thady Glynn is a horrid blackguard," said the 
 doctor. " He's a blood-sucking money-lender, for one 
 thing, and has half the people in the country round in 
 his power. He's the sort of man that the devil him- 
 self will be squeamish about making a bonfire of for 
 fear of the smell there'll be afterwards." 
 
 " I can quite believe that. From the little I saw 
 of him this morning I'd say the breath of him would 
 go near poisoning any decent brigand." 
 
 " And yet," said the doctor, " you propose to back 
 this very scoundrel, to aid and abet him in his plan 
 for ruining poor Michael Geraghty. You ought to be 
 ashamed of yourself, Eccles. You, a member of the 
 Government, whose business it is to protect decent 
 people and do justice, you actually propose to do
 
 THE PIER 47 
 
 Thady Glynn's dirty work for him and help him to 
 wreak his beastly vengeance on a man like Geraghty 
 who never did anybody any harm." 
 
 " What's the use of talking like that, Whitty? You 
 know perfectly well I can't sign the certificate." 
 
 "Why not?" 
 
 " Because the pier's twenty-seven feet short. 
 That's why. Build a bit on to it and I'll sign with 
 pleasure." 
 
 " He can't build a bit on. He's got no money." 
 
 " Well, then, I can't sign the certificate." 
 
 " I don't see what harm it would do you to sign 
 it. You could sign it if you liked." 
 
 " Hang it, Whitty, it's not a question of what I 
 like or don't like. I'm simply a servant of the Gov- 
 ernment. The Government grants the money for a 
 pier a certain number of feet long, and I'm " 
 
 " Don't come the Government official over me," 
 said the doctor, " for I won't stand it. What on 
 earth does the Government know or care about the 
 pier? I've been running the whole show from the 
 beginning, and I give you my word the Chief Sec- 
 retary never so much as asked where we proposed to 
 plant the thing when we got it." 
 
 " I don't see what that has to do with it." 
 
 " It has everything to do with it. You don't sup- 
 pose, surely, that the Government really intended to
 
 48 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 build a useful kind of marine work in Ballintra? No 
 Government could. The thing's absurd on the face 
 of it. What the Government meant to do was to 
 drop a round sum of money into the town for the 
 benefit of the inhabitants. That's what it intended 
 all along. That's what it tried to do, and what it 
 would do, if you hadn't come along with your ridic- 
 ulous measuring-tape and a thing inside you that, 
 I suppose, you call a conscience, and defeated the 
 excellent intentions of the Chief Secretary and the 
 good men who are advising him. You think you are 
 acting on your instructions and that you'll get credit 
 for it afterwards. Let me tell you you won't. 
 There's nothing a Government hates more than an 
 official who can't see beyond the letter of what he 
 has written down for him. All the great worries that 
 Governments have are the result of pig-headed literal- 
 ness of stupid officials. Look at the case of the king 
 who had Thomas a Becket murdered. Did he mean 
 to murder him? Not at all. Some fool of an of- 
 ficial, a fellow very like you, Eccles, went and did 
 literally what he was told, instead of considering 
 what the king really meant. There was jolly nearly 
 being a revolution afterwards. It is just the same 
 in this case. By obeying the letter of your orders 
 you are defeating the spirit of them. I've told you
 
 THE PIER 49 
 
 what the Chief Secretary wanted to do. Are you 
 going to take the responsibility of stopping him ? " 
 
 " I'm not going to sign the certificate. If the Chief 
 Secretary likes to pay the money over without the cer- 
 tificate he can, of course. I won't prevent him." 
 
 " Look at the matter this way," said the doctor. 
 " The pier's no earthly use. You know that, don't 
 you?" 
 
 Mr. Eccles smiled. 
 
 " I quite admit that." 
 
 " Would it be any more use if it was twenty-seven 
 feet longer than it is at present ? " 
 
 " Not a bit. It wouldn't be any use if it was a mile 
 long." 
 
 " Would it be any less use if it was twenty-seven 
 feet shorter?" 
 
 " It couldn't," said Mr. Eccles, " by any possibility 
 be less use than it is at present." 
 
 " Then why on earth make all this fuss about a 
 beggarly twenty-seven feet? I could understand your 
 kicking up a row if the thing was ever going to be 
 any good to man or beast, but it isn't. Except, as I 
 said, for bathing off it's no good at all, and you can 
 only bathe off it comfortably at high tide. Be reason- 
 able, Eccles." 
 
 " I can't sign the certificate."
 
 50 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " Very well. I've done my best with you. I can 
 do no more. But I warn you fairly, Eccles, that I 
 mean to get that money for poor Geraghty. I'm not 
 going to see him stuck." 
 
 " All right. Petition the Chief Secretary. I don't 
 mind. But I'll be surprised if you get it." 
 
 " I'm not going to petition the Chief Secretary or 
 any other fool thing of the sort. I'm going to per- 
 suade Michael Geraghty to lengthen the pier. I sup- 
 pose you'll come down again any time we send for 
 you, and sign the certificate when we have the extra 
 twenty-seven feet added on." 
 
 " Of course I will, with the greatest pleasure. But 
 mind me now, Whitty, it must be full length. Don't 
 fetch me down all this way if you're only going to 
 add on six feet." 
 
 " I'll see it's right next time." 
 
 " I suppose it won't actually ruin Geraghty ? " 
 
 " No, it won't. Don't fret about that. We only 
 said that to excite your compassion." 
 
 " So I thought. And now what about this holiday 
 of ours? Is ist September fixed? " 
 
 " I'll join you that day in Dublin," said Dr. Whitty. 
 " We'll cross to Liverpool, and then make our way up 
 tc the Lakes the best we can. " We'll have a great 
 time. It's a pity I can't get more than a fortnight. I 
 shall envy you your extra week."
 
 THE PIER 61 
 
 He bid good-bye to Mr. Eccles at the door. Mi- 
 chael Geraghty, who was standing disconsolately near 
 the doctor's house, took off his hat and bowed humbly 
 as Mr. Eccles passed him. Then he joined Dr. 
 Whitty. 
 
 " Did you get him persuaded, doctor ? " 
 " I did not. I tried my best with him, Michael, but 
 I failed." 
 
 " It couldn't be expected that you'd do anything 
 else," said Michael. " He's a hard man that, as hard 
 as e'er a one ever I met." 
 
 " Don't give up heart, Michael. We're not beat yet 
 by a long way." 
 
 " It's not easy to see what more we can do." 
 " You couldn't build the bit on that he wants ? " 
 " I could not. I'm telling you the truth, doctor. 
 It would cost me more than I'm worth in the world, 
 and more than I'd be able to borrow, and more than 
 I'd get at the latter end if so be every penny was paid 
 me. Thanks be to God I don't owe that old repro- 
 bate, Thady Glynn, a penny this minute. I've paid 
 him off ; but there's a bill of mine in the bank beyond 
 at Dunbeg that'll be due next week, and the Lord 
 knows where the money's to come from to pay it." 
 
 " You go over there, Michael, and try will they re- 
 new it for you for another three months with my name 
 on the back of it."
 
 52 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " I'll not do it, doctor. I'm obliged to you ; but I'll 
 not do it. I wouldn't be able to pay it in three 
 months no more than I am this minute, and then they'd 
 come down on you. You've been a good friend of 
 mine, and I'll not ask you to go security for what I'll 
 never be able to pay." 
 
 " You'll be able to pay it all right when you get the 
 money from the Government for building the pier, and 
 that'll be let me see now, this is the first week in 
 August that'll be in nine weeks from now at the 
 outside." 
 
 " It'll never be," said Michael. 
 
 Even the doctor's confidence failed to inspire him 
 with any hope. 
 
 " Come inside for a minute till I talk to you," said 
 the doctor. 
 
 " I'll come," said Michael. " But where's the use ? 
 All the talk in the world won't get me the money that 
 Thady Glynn has me robbed of." 
 
 An hour later Michael Geraghty left the doctor's 
 house. His face still expressed anxiety, but the look 
 of blank despair was gone from it. He walked down 
 to the hotel, followed by a considerable number of 
 the inhabitants of Ballintra, who hoped to see him 
 commit an immediate assault upon Thady Glynn. 
 To the amazement of everybody present, he greeted 
 Thady in the friendliest way and ordered a bottle of
 
 THE PIER 53 
 
 porter. Thady himself was puzzled. He realised 
 that Mr. Eccles must have kept his warning 
 a secret, but he did not understand how Michael 
 Geraghty came to be as cheerful as he was. 
 
 " I hope," said Thady, " that you got your money 
 all right out of the inspector." 
 
 " I did not," said Michael. " There's a couple of 
 things he wanted to have seen to, trifles just that I'll 
 be able to settle in a week at the outside. Then I'll 
 get the money." 
 
 Thady, who knew Michael's financial position down 
 to the last penny, was annoyed as well as puzzled. 
 It seemed that his bomb of vengeance had somehow 
 failed to explode. He asked Michael a great many 
 questions. He asked a great many questions of all 
 his customers, but he got no information which threw 
 any real light on the matter. Michael Geraghty would 
 not tell him anything, and kept repeating his plainly 
 incredible statement about the few trifles to be seen 
 after. Nobody else had any information to give. 
 
 Early in the third week in September Dr. Whitty 
 received a letter from his friend, Mr. Eccles. 
 
 " DEAR WHITTY," it ran " When I returned to 
 the office on Monday I found that your friend, Michael 
 Geraghty, had been paid in full for his pier. It seems 
 that he wrote up to the office and asked for an in- 
 spector to go down and sign his certificate. They sent
 
 54 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 old Thompson, who says he measured his pier care- 
 fully, and that it was eighteen inches over the full 
 length. Old Thompson is a bit of an ass, of course, 
 but he couldn't have made a mistake about a simple 
 job like that, particularly as I had left a note before 
 I started that the pier was short and would have to 
 be measured before the certificate was signed. Would 
 you mind telling me, in confidence, how you managed 
 it? I promise not to make a fuss, and, of course, 
 even if I did, we couldn't get the money back now. I 
 ask out of pure curiosity. As a matter of fact, I'm 
 glad the poor fellow has got paid. Don't waste paper 
 and a postage stamp telling me he built the twenty- 
 seven feet on to the pier, for I shouldn't believe it. 
 It couldn't be done in the time." 
 
 To this Dr. Whitty replied by return of post. 
 
 " DEAR ECCLES, I had the whole matter settled 
 before you left Ballintra that day. It was perfectly 
 simple, and anybody except a hide-bound official would 
 have hit on the dodge at once. We added the twenty- 
 seven feet to the shore end of the pier. It cost 
 Michael Geraghty next to nothing. He had to dig 
 down a grass bank and make a sort of paved cause- 
 way. That's all. Stones, as you said, are cheap here, 
 and I helped him to dig the bank. Ever yours very 
 sincerely, 
 
 " G. WHITTY. 
 
 " P. S. I entertained your friend Thompson to keep
 
 THE PIER 55 
 
 him out of Thady Glynn's way. He's a decent old 
 boy, but he punished my whisky. I had to make 
 Michael Geraghty give me a present of a bottle when 
 he got his cheque."
 
 Ill 
 
 MRS. CHALLONER'S PUBLIC MEETING 
 
 *4T DON'T think you've ever met my daughter, 
 Mrs. Challoner," said Colonel Beresford to 
 Dr. Whitty one day near the end of October. 
 
 " No," said the doctor, " I haven't. She hasn't been 
 over in Ballintra since I've been in the place." 
 
 " She very seldom pays me a visit," said the colonel. 
 " She's a good deal tied to London. Her husband is a 
 barrister, and when he gets a holiday he likes to go 
 abroad. However, it seems she's been working too 
 hard lately, and has knocked herself up. She's com- 
 ing over here for rest and quiet." 
 
 " She'll get them both. I don't know anywhere 
 with more quiet about it than Ballintra in the 
 autumn." 
 
 Dr. Whitty wondered what Mrs. Challoner worked 
 at in London, but he was too well-mannered a man to 
 ask a direct question. 
 
 " I dare say you've seen her name in the papers," 
 said the colonel. " It has been pretty prominent in 
 the discussions about Woman's Suffrage. She has 
 
 56
 
 MRS. CHALLONER'S PUBLIC MEETING 57 
 
 taken the matter up, and, like all women, she's tre- 
 mendously keen." 
 
 Dr. Whitty had not seen her name. He seldom saw 
 an English paper, and unless a woman makes herself 
 very remarkable indeed, unless she gets imprisoned in 
 circumstances of an entirely novel kind, the Irish 
 papers take no notice of her. 
 
 " Of course I have," said Dr. Whitty; " but I didn't 
 think of her being your daughter." 
 
 " I wish she wouldn't do it," said the colonel. " It's 
 too much for her. I quite agree with her view of the 
 question, but I'd sooner she left the heavy end of the 
 work to some one else." 
 
 This surprised Dr. Whitty a good deal. He would 
 not have suspected Colonel Beresford of being an ad- 
 vocate of Woman's Suffrage. 
 
 " I don't know what your opinions on the subject 
 are," said the colonel. 
 
 Dr. Whitty had no opinions. Woman's Suffrage is 
 not a burning question in Connacht; he had never 
 given it a moment's serious thought.: 
 
 " I entirely agree with you and Mrs. Challoner," he 
 said. " I don't see how any man, not actually blinded 
 by prejudice, can take the other view." 
 
 " I'm glad to hear that, because I want to ask you up 
 to dinner to meet my daughter when she arrives, but 
 I couldn't do it if you had been likely to disagree with
 
 58 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 her. She's not a woman who tolerates any difference 
 of opinion. She likes arguing, and arguments on that 
 subject bore me." 
 
 " I don't want to argue," said the doctor. " I shall 
 agree with every word she says, even if she goes fur- 
 ther than I'm inclined to go myself." 
 
 " It's a pity she does it," said the colonel. " She's 
 right, of course, in principle, but I can't help feeling 
 a dislike for her making herself so prominent in pub- 
 lic. Of course, not having any children, she naturally 
 wants something to occupy* her mind." 
 
 " You can't expect all women to have children," said 
 the doctor tolerantly. " There'd be too many children 
 in the world if they were all like Mrs. Michael Ger- 
 aghty. She has thirteen." 
 
 Mrs. Challoner turned out to be a most charming 
 lady. Her clothes in themselves excited the reverent 
 admiration of Dr. Whitty. He had never in his life 
 seen anything so fine as the black and green evening 
 gown she wore at dinner. It glittered all over with 
 little shiny discs which he discovered after were called 
 sequins. Her figure was regal. She was at least 
 four inches taller than the doctor, and looked quite as 
 tall as the colonel, who of late years stooped a little. 
 She moved with a sumptuous grace which made it a 
 pleasure to watch her cross the room. She had large
 
 MRS. CHALLONER'S PUBLIC MEETING 59 
 
 flashing eyes, and a smile which made the doctor's 
 heart beat rapidly. He fell a victim to her before he 
 had been ten minutes in her company, and after he 
 had taken her in to dinner he felt that Mr. Challoner, 
 the barrister, was an exceedingly fortunate man. 
 
 The conversation turned at once on the question of 
 Woman's Suffrage. 
 
 "I'm glad to hear, Dr. Whitty," said Mrs. Chal- 
 loner, " that you take our view of the matter." 
 
 " I do, thoroughly." 
 
 " It seems such a pity that women should neglect 
 to use the enormous influence for good they might 
 have and ought to have." 
 
 " It is a pity. When I look round the women of 
 this town, for instance, and think what a difference 
 it would make if only " 
 
 " I like to think of woman," said Mrs. Challoner, 
 " not as the rival of man, not as a competitor for the 
 prizes of the market-place, but as his comrade." 
 
 Dr. Whitty was a little puzzled. He had a vague 
 idea that the advocates of Woman's Suffrage did want 
 to be rivals and competitors. 
 
 " Quite so," he said. " Look at Mrs. Michael Ger- 
 aghty, for instance " 
 
 " I was thinking," said Mrs. Challoner, who gener- 
 ally interrupted anyone else who spoke, " of trying
 
 60 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 to do a little work among the women here now that 
 I am over with them. I suppose there would be no 
 difficulty about getting up a public meeting? " 
 
 " My dear," said the colonel, alarmed, " do recollect 
 that you have come over here for rest and quietness. 
 It is absolutely necessary I am sure Dr. Whitty will 
 agree with me that you ought not to address a public 
 meeting." He looked appealingly at the doctor. 
 
 Unfortunately Dr. Whitty, besides being exhilarated 
 by the extraordinary beauty of Mrs. Challoner's eyes 
 and smile, had drunk his first glass of champagne. 
 He basely deserted the colonel. 
 
 " I don't think one meeting would do Mrs. Chal- 
 loner any harm," he said. 
 
 " And besides," said the colonel, " you couldn't pos- 
 sibly get up a meeting of the sort in Ballintra. The 
 people know nothing about the subject, and care less." 
 
 '' That seems to me," said Mrs. Challoner, with a 
 radiant smile, " all the more reason for having a meet- 
 ing. Don't you think so, Dr. Whitty?" 
 
 " Certainly. I should like to see a strong branch of 
 your your (he did not feel quite certain 
 whether Mrs. Challoner presided over a league, a 
 guild, a union, an association, or a simple society) 
 " your organisation established in Ballintra. Take 
 the case of Mrs. Michael Geraghty. That poor 
 woman "
 
 MRS. CHALLONER'S PUBLIC MEETING 61 
 
 " The priest won't like a meeting for women," said 
 the colonel ; " and you can't run a thing of the sort 
 here without the priest." 
 
 " We'll try," said Mrs. Challoner, smiling again. 
 " I have faced worse obstacles than that." 
 
 "The priest will be all right," said Dr. Whitty. 
 " He's a reasonable man. If he's approached the 
 right way and talked to sensibly he'll come to the 
 meeting and make a speech." 
 
 " He ought to, of course," said Mrs. Challoner. 
 " The Church has always taken a strong line on the 
 subject. We count on the support of the clergy of 
 every denomination wherever we go." 
 
 This surprised Dr. Whitty. He had always sup- 
 posed that the ecclesiastical mind was prejudiced 
 against the enfranchisement of anyone. 
 
 " Perhaps," said Mrs. Challoner, " you'll see the 
 priest, Dr. Whitty, and talk to him. My doctor has 
 strictly forbidden me to undertake any work I can 
 possibly avoid. Otherwise, of course, I should not 
 dream of encroaching on your time." 
 
 " I will," said Dr. Whitty. " I'll see him to- 
 morrow. I'll work the whole thing up for you. 
 You'll want women and not men at the meeting? " 
 
 " Certainly. Get all the women you can. It's a 
 woman's question, and it ought to be settled by 
 women. I shall have a copy of our monster petition
 
 62 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 sent over from our London office, and, after the 
 meeting, we can obtain the signatures of those 
 present." 
 
 " Some of them can't write very well," said the doc- 
 tor, " but we'll make their marks for them. Mrs. 
 Michael Geraghty will come. So will Mrs. Thady 
 Glynn and her eldest daughter, who's just home from 
 school. You won't object to Mrs. Glynn, will you, 
 colonel?" 
 
 " I won't have him," said the colonel. " Remember 
 that now, doctor. No tricks like that deputation one." 
 
 " Certainly not. You'll be quite safe. I won't 
 have a man in the room except Father Henaghan, Mr. 
 Jackson you'd like to have him, of course, when 
 you're having the priest and myself. We don't 
 count. Clergy and doctors occupy a sort of inter- 
 mediate position between the two sexes. We're not 
 really either one thing or the other." 
 
 Next day Dr. Whitty felt rather less confident about 
 the success of his mission to the town of Ballintra. 
 The daylight of an October morning is not a good 
 tonic for a fading enthusiasm. Tea breakfast tea 
 does not exhilarate as champagne does. Mrs. Chal- 
 loner's eyes and smile were with him still, but only as 
 a memory. Their radiance no longer made the world 
 seem an easy thing to conquer. Nevertheless being a
 
 MRS. CHALLONER'S PUBLIC MEETING 63 
 
 man of great hopefulness, he went out and called on 
 the priest. 
 
 " Good morning, Father Henaghan. You know 
 Mrs. Challoner, of course." 
 
 " Is that the colonel's daughter? I know the look 
 of her, but I never spoke three words to her." 
 
 " She wants to get up a meeting in the town," said 
 the doctor, " in favour of Woman's Suffrage. I sup- 
 pose you won't have any objection to taking the 
 chair?" 
 
 " A meeting in favour of what ? " 
 
 " Woman's Suffrage, giving women votes, you 
 know. It's a capital thing; the Church all over the 
 world has pronounced in favour of it." 
 
 " I'll take the chair at no such meeting." 
 
 " I'm sorry to hear you say that," said the doctor. 
 " By taking up that sort of reactionary attitude you 
 will be throwing yourself into opposition to the great 
 majority of the clergy. Mrs. Challoner told me last 
 
 night that everywhere she went she had the support 
 
 f 
 
 of the clergy." 
 
 " It's different in England. England's a Protestant 
 country." 
 
 " She wasn't talking of England. She was talking 
 of Ireland. Why, your own bishop is as strongly in 
 favour of it as any man."
 
 64 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 "What makes you say that? I never heard it of 
 him." 
 
 " Mrs. Challoner told me so," said the doctor, lying 
 boldly, " and she'd be sure to know." 
 
 " She's mistaken," said the priest. " The bishop has 
 more sense." 
 
 " I don't see what harm it can do you to preside," 
 said the doctor. " You may just as well do the civil 
 thing when you're asked. We won't let it get into the 
 papers." 
 
 " I'm against it," said the priest. " That's why I 
 won't do it. In my opinion women are a deal better 
 without votes." 
 
 " Of course they are. I quite agree with you." 
 
 " Then why should I be getting votes for them ? " 
 
 " You won't, if you presided at fifty meetings. If 
 you presided at one, once a week for five years, you 
 wouldn't get a vote for a solitary woman at the end 
 of it. Come now, Father Henaghan, it's a mere ques- 
 tion of obliging a lady." 
 
 " What use would votes be to women if they had 
 them?" 
 
 " None," said the doctor, " none whatever. They'd 
 never use them. Votes aren't any use to men; so it's 
 not likely they would be to women if they got them, 
 which, of course, they won't." 
 
 " Then what's the good of the meeting? "
 
 MRS. CHALLONER'S PUBLIC MEETING 65 
 
 " The same good as all the other meetings. In fact, 
 this one will be a great deal more good than most. 
 For if you preside at it, like a sensible man, the colo- 
 nel will be so pleased that he'll give you that field be- 
 yond my house for your new school. You want that 
 field badly, you know you do." 
 
 " I have a great respect for the colonel," said the 
 priest. 
 
 " Then you'll preside at the meeting. I knew you 
 would." 
 
 "If I do," said the priest, "I'll not make a 
 speech." 
 
 " You needn't. All that's necessary is for you to in- 
 troduce Mrs. Challoner in a few well-chosen words, 
 something about a charming and distinguished lady 
 whose career has been watched with interest by the 
 people of her native town." 
 
 "I know what to say," said the priest, "without 
 your teaching me." 
 
 " You do, of course. Good-bye. Oh, by the way, 
 Tuesday next is the day. Eight o'clock in the school- 
 room." 
 
 Dr. Whitty had much less difficulty at the rectory. 
 H'e saw Mrs. Jackson first. She was a lady with lean- 
 ings towards culture, and an unsatisfied desire for 
 what she thought of as a " fuller life." She was 
 greatly interested in hearing that Mrs. Challoner was
 
 66 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 an ardent advocate of Woman's Suffrage. It ap- 
 peared to her from the short sketch the doctor gave 
 her of the objects of the movement that it was just 
 the thing she had always been looking out for, some- 
 thing that would lift her soul out of the dreary 
 monotony of house cleaning and baby culture. She 
 promised to use her influence to persuade her hus- 
 band to attend the meeting. She went to the door 
 of the room and called him in a loud voice until he 
 Came. 
 
 Mr. Jackson held no strong views on any political 
 subject except temperance. About that he was violent 
 and extreme. He wanted a Bill passed forbidding the 
 sale of alcohol in any form, except in chemists' shops 
 on presentation of a written order from a medical 
 man. Dr. Whitty knew this and shaped his argu- 
 ments to suit the circumstances. 
 
 " In Finland," he said, " the effect of the women's 
 vote you know, of course, that women have votes 
 in Finland has been to close every public-house in 
 the entire country, and to make the manufacture of 
 whisky a criminal offence." 
 
 Mr. Jackson, though his favourite study was tem- 
 perance legislation, had never heard of the drastic 
 action of the Finnish Parliament. He expressed sur- 
 prise. 
 
 *' I'm not telling you that on my own authority,"
 
 MRS. CHALLONER'S PUBLIC MEETING 67 
 
 said the doctor ; " in fact, I never heard it until Mrs. 
 Challoner mentioned it to me last night at dinner. 
 But she ought to know. She's gone into all these 
 questions thoroughly. Her husband, as you know, is 
 an international lawyer, makes speeches at the Hague 
 Conference, sits on Boards of Arbitration, and that 
 kind of thing." 
 
 " I suppose she's right," said Mr. Jackson, " but I 
 never heard of it." 
 
 "That being so," said Dr. Whitty, "you will of 
 course support this Suffrage movement. What we 
 want you to do is to open the meeting by proposing 
 that Father Henaghan takes the chair. Quite a short 
 speech will do. You needn't say much about the ques- 
 tion itself. Mrs. Challoner will have all the argu- 
 ments ready cut and dried when her turn comes. All 
 you have to do is to be sympathetic in a general way. 
 You could mention, if you like, that the hand which 
 rocks the cradle ought to rule the world ; or any other 
 little thing of that kind that occurred to you. You'll 
 know, better than I can, what the proper thing is." 
 
 Mrs. Jackson added her voice to Dr. Whitty's, and 
 the rector allowed himself to be persuaded. When 
 the doctor had left the house, he wrote to the secre- 
 tary of the Total Abstinence Society to which he be-> 
 longed for all the pamphlets in existence which dealt 
 with the temperance question in Finland.
 
 68 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 Dr. Whitty walked up towards Ballintra House, in- 
 tending to report his success to Mrs. Challoner. On 
 the way he met Michael Geraghty, who, pursuing his 
 profession of builder and contractor, was erecting a 
 new cow byre for a farmer near the village. 
 
 " Look here, Michael," said the doctor, " I want 
 your wife to attend a meeting in the schoolroom at 
 eight o'clock on Tuesday next." 
 
 " Herself might go," said Michael. " But she has 
 her hands full with the baby. I'm not sure that she'll 
 be able." 
 
 " The baby's a girl, isn't it? " said the doctor. 
 
 " It is. It's the tenth girl." 
 
 " Then tell her to bring it. I couldn't have asked it 
 if it had been a boy. Be sure now, Michael, you don't 
 forget to tell her. I can't be running round the town 
 inviting everybody twice." 
 
 " Doctor," called Michael Geraghty, as Whitty left 
 him, " did you say it was the preventing of con- 
 sumption the meeting was for?" 
 
 " No, it's not." 
 
 " Then it'll be dairying, or cookery, maybe? " 
 
 "No. It's not. It's Woman's Suffrage." 
 
 " It'll be all the same to herself," said Michael Ger- 
 aghty. " Only it would be as well for her to be told, 
 so as she'd know what to be expecting. I'll give her 
 the message."
 
 MRS. CHALLONER'S PUBLIC MEETING 69 
 
 The day of the meeting arrived. As soon as the 
 children had gone home, Dr. Whitty took possession 
 of the schoolroom. He swept it out with a brush he 
 borrowed from the schoolmaster's wife, working vig- 
 orously but not very effectively. He disturbed a great 
 deal of dirt, but got very little of it out of the door. 
 He arranged the forms and desks in rows, so that the 
 audience would be obliged to face the speakers. He 
 put the schoolmaster's kitchen table at the top of the 
 room and covered it with a green cloth which came 
 from his own dining-room. He placed two vases full 
 of roses, supplied by Colonel Beresford's gardener, on 
 the table, got a pen, a bottle of ink, and a sheet of 
 blotting-paper. Then he went home and had some- 
 thing to eat. At half-past seven he got back to the 
 schoolroom. At twenty-five minutes to eight Mrs. 
 Michael Geraghty came in. Dr. Whitty, who was 
 anxious about the size of the audience, welcomed her 
 heartily. 
 
 " I ran round," she said, " to tell you that I couldn't 
 attend the meeting. The baby's that cross I couldn't 
 bring her, for fear she'd be disturbing the people with 
 her crying, and I daren't leave her." 
 
 " You'll stay here, now you are here," said the 
 doctor. 
 
 " Where's the use ? " she said. " I heard all they 
 had to say about domestic economy, or whatever it is
 
 70 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 they call it, the last meeting there was in it. What's 
 more, I didn't think much of it." 
 
 " This isn't domestic economy. It's Woman's Suf- 
 frage. And you've got to stay." 
 
 " I'd do a deal for you, doctor, but the baby 
 
 " Sit down now and don't talk. Here's somebody 
 else." 
 
 It was Thady Glynn's daughter, very sumptuously 
 arrayed in a blue dress. Her hat was magnificent. 
 She apologised for her mother's absence. Four more 
 women dribbled in after her, and gathered in a close 
 group round Mrs. Michael Geraghty. Miss Glynn 
 sat on the front bench by herself. There was a noise 
 of wheels. Dr. Whitty rushed to the door, fearing 
 that Mrs. Challoner might have arrived before her 
 time. He was met by six women, four of them fe- 
 male servants from Ballintra House ; the fifth, Mrs. 
 Challoner's own maid, whose opinions on the subject 
 of the suffrage were probably formed; the sixth, the 
 coachman's wife. They took their places in a prim 
 row on the back bench, and sat very much as they did 
 in the great hall of Ballintra House while the colonel 
 read prayers in the morning. At ten minutes to 
 eight Mr. and Mrs. Jackson arrived. Dr. Whitty 
 placed Mr. Jackson on one of the chairs behind the 
 table, and arranged Mrs. Jackson at a decent distance 
 from Miss Glynn on the front bench. Father Hena-
 
 MRS. CHALLONER'S PUBLIC MEETING 71 
 
 ghan came next. He looked round the audience and 
 grinned. 
 
 " You haven't got very many people," he said. 
 
 " I have not," said the doctor. " It got out some 
 way that you didn't approve of the meeting, and so 
 they wouldn't come. I shouldn't be surprised if the 
 colonel refused to give you that field after all." 
 
 The priest had something to say in reply, but the 
 arrival of Mrs. Challoner prevented his saying it. 
 She, too, glanced at the empty benches, but she had 
 the grace to conceal her disappointment. Dr. Whitty 
 placed her in a chair beside Mr. Jackson. The school- 
 master's wife arrived immediately after Mrs. Chal- 
 loner, and sat by herself in front of the Ballintra 
 House servants. Dr. Whitty crossed the room and 
 whispered to Mr. Jackson. The rector rose nerv- 
 ously. 
 
 " Ladies and gentlemen," he said, " I have much 
 pleasure in proposing that Father Henaghan take the 
 chair. I shall not detain you with any remarks of 
 my own on a subject about which I hope to know 
 more when I leave this room than I do at present. 
 But I think I ought to say that, in so far as Woman's 
 Suffrage promotes the cause of temperance through- 
 out the world, it has my sincerest sympathy." 
 
 Dr. Whitty applauded this sentiment vigorously. It 
 struck him that Mrs, Challoner did not look
 
 72 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 pleased, and he wished that Mr. Jackson would ex- 
 press himself more warmly. It seemed a pity to rest 
 his support of the Suffrage movement entirely on 
 temperance. He sincerely hoped that no mention 
 would be made of the remarkable achievement of the 
 women of Finland. Mr. Jackson did not say much 
 more, but he succeeded, to Dr. Whitty's gratification, 
 in working in the proverb about rocking the cradle and 
 ruling the world. 
 
 Father Henaghan took the chair amid loud applause 
 from Dr. Whitty, backed by the tapping of the school- 
 mistress' umbrella on the floor. The priest began his 
 speech by saying that he was glad to have the oppor- 
 tunity of welcoming to their midst a lady whose bril- 
 liant and striking career had long been watched with 
 deep interest and unfailing admiration by the people 
 of Ballintra. The sentence was so well rounded and 
 delivered with such fervour that it was applauded by 
 several members of the audience as well as by Dr. 
 Whitty and the schoolmaster's wife. Mrs. Challoner's 
 face cleared. She evidently liked the priest's speech, 
 so far, better than she had liked the rector's. 
 
 " I'm sorry," Father Henaghan went on, " that we 
 haven't a better room in which to welcome the lady 
 who has come to address us. This school isn't what 
 it ought to be, but there's talk of building a new one, 
 more suited to the needs of the parish, and more ap-
 
 MRS. CHALLONER'S PUBLIC MEETING 73 
 
 propriate to the accommodation of meetings of this 
 sort. I think I may say that if we had a suitable site 
 we wouldn't be long in getting together the money for 
 the building." 
 
 He glanced round at Mrs. Challoner to see how she 
 was taking the hint. She smiled and nodded in the 
 most encouraging manner. Father Henaghan felt he 
 might complete the impression he had evidently made 
 on her by a few judicious words on the subject of 
 Female Suffrage. 
 
 " With regard to the cause which we have as- 
 sembled here to support," he said, " it wouldn't suit 
 me to be saying too much. I'm a man myself, and in 
 my opinion it's women who ought to look into the 
 matter. I haven't what you call a strong opinion 
 either one way or the other." 
 
 The schoolmaster's wife applauded feebly with her 
 umbrella. Mrs. Michael Geraghty, noticing that the 
 doctor was looking the other way, slipped as quietly 
 as possible from the room. She was really anxious 
 about her baby. Mrs. Challoner appeared puzzled 
 and slightly annoyed. Dr. Whitty winked ferociously 
 at Father Henaghan. He was watching Mrs. Chal- 
 loner's face, and he didn't like the look of it. The 
 priest glanced round quickly and saw the incipient 
 frown which had aroused Dr. Whitty's alarm. He 
 felt he must improve on his non-committal attitude.
 
 74 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " I haven't," he said, " what you'd call a strong 
 opinion, but I may tell you this: if I had an opinion, it 
 would be entirely in favour of Woman's Suffrage; 
 and what's more, if any one among you wants a good 
 argument in favour of women being given the right 
 to vote, let him look at Mrs. Challoner. I defy any 
 man to doubt that if she had a vote she'd use it well." 
 
 After this effort he felt he could do no more. He 
 called upon Mrs. Challoner to address the meeting 
 and sat down. 
 
 Mrs. Challoner stood up, and there was no doubt 
 she was in an uncommonly bad temper. Dr. Whitty 
 was anxious and puzzled. The servants from Bal- 
 lintra House fidgeted nervously. 
 
 " I came here to-night," she began, " under the im- 
 pression that I was to address a meeting of opponents 
 to the monstrous and ridiculous demand for Votes for 
 Women. I find I was mistaken. The two clergymen 
 who addressed you appear to be in favour of what I 
 regard as the degradation of my sex." 
 
 Mr. Jackson, who had not paid much attention to 
 Father Henaghan's speech, woke up with a start and 
 looked surprised. Father Henaghan glared savagely 
 at Dr. Whitty. 
 
 " In the circumstances," said Mrs. Challoner, " I am 
 thankful to observe that this is an extremely small 
 meeting, and apparently quite wanting in enthusiasm.
 
 MRS. CHALLONER'S PUBLIC MEETING 75 
 
 I am glad of it. The other women those who are 
 not present have shown good taste and sound sense 
 in staying away. I do not know that I ought to ad- 
 dress you at all to-night, but I shall say a few words 
 in the hope that I may convince some of the least ob- 
 stinate among you of the folly of the course you are 
 bent on pursuing." 
 
 Her eyes were fixed as she spoke on Colonel Beres- 
 ford's under-housemaid. The poor girl trembled vis- 
 ibly. Mrs. Challoner then denounced all supporters 
 of Woman's Suffrage, especially those whom she 
 called the " Male Suffragettes." Her speech lasted 
 for more than half an hour. She repeated with con- 
 temptuous emphasis a large number of witticisms 
 which had appeared in comic papers. She quoted, 
 though without reference to the original documents, a 
 good many articles from London daily papers. She 
 explained that she was a leading member of an organ- 
 isation of right-minded women pledged to resist to the 
 uttermost the demands of infatuated members of their 
 sex. She produced at last a copy of a petition to 
 Parliament. It asked, so she informed her audience, 
 that the suffrage should never, under any pressure, be 
 granted to women. 
 
 " I do not suppose," she said, " that more than one 
 or two of those present will sign it." She glanced, as 
 she spoke, at her own maid, who had signed twice
 
 76 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 before, " but I mean to take it round the town to- 
 morrow myself and obtain the signatures of those who 
 have had the good sense not to attend this meeting." 
 
 She sat down. Father Henaghan, a little redder in 
 the face than usual, but with a twinkle in his eye, 
 called upon Dr. Whitty to propose a vote of thanks 
 to Mrs. Challoner. The doctor rose without exhibit- 
 ing any very obvious embarrassment. 
 
 " Reverend chairman, ladies, and gentlemen," he 
 said, " I came here to-night a convinced and deter- 
 mined supporter of Woman's Suffrage. So did the 
 Rev. Mr. Jackson, so did Father Henaghan 
 
 " I did not," exclaimed the priest. 
 
 Mr. Jackson, who seemed a good deal bewildered, 
 shook his head. 
 
 " You did," said the doctor, " both of you. And 
 there's no use your denying it, because you committed 
 yourselves in the speeches you made. But it's open to 
 you, as it is to me, to change your views; and I may 
 say that, after listening to the extraordinarily power- 
 ful and convincing speech just made by Mrs. Chal- 
 loner, I have changed mine. The ladies who have 
 attended the meeting have also, I feel certain, changed 
 theirs. That is the best compliment we can pay Mrs. 
 Challoner to-night, and by way of showing that it's 
 not a mere empty form of words, I propose that every
 
 MRS. CHALLONER'S PUBLIC MEETING 77 
 
 one here signs the petition which has been laid on the 
 table before the chairman." 
 
 He sat down. Father Henaghan rose at once. 
 
 " Ladies," he said, " let each one of you step for- 
 ward and sign the petition, and let nobody leave the 
 room till that's done." 
 
 " I don't want people to sign against their will," said 
 Mrs. Challoner. " If there's any woman here who 
 sincerely believes " 
 
 " There isn't," said Father Henaghan. 
 
 " There is not," said the doctor with emphasis. " I 
 know them all well, and there isn't one that sincerely 
 believes votes would be the slightest use to her, if she 
 had them given out free by the stone, the same as the 
 Congested Districts Board would give potatoes." 
 
 The petition was signed. Mrs. Challoner, who went 
 back to London early in November, parted with Dr. 
 Whitty on terms of the warmest friendship. She 
 afterwards spoke of him as a singularly open-minded 
 man, one of the very few who are ready to surrender 
 an opinion when it is clearly shown to be wrong.
 
 IV 
 
 THE INTERPRETERS 
 
 A T the end of January, after three weeks of vio- 
 * ^ lently stormy weather, the American bark Ken- 
 tucky went ashore at Carrigwee, the headland which 
 guards the northern end of Ballintra Bay. She 
 struck first on some rocks a mile from, the shore, 
 drifted over them and among them, and was washed 
 up, frightfully shattered, on the mainland. The cap- 
 tain and the crew were saved, and made their way 
 into the town of Ballintra. They were dispatched 
 thence to Liverpool, all of them except one sailor, a 
 forecastle hand, whose right leg had been broken by 
 a falling spar. This man was brought into Ballin- 
 tra in a cart by Michael Geraghty, and taken to the 
 workhouse hospital. He arrived in a state of com- 
 plete collapse, and Dr. Whitty was sent for at once. 
 
 The sailor turned out to be a man of great strength 
 and vigour. He recovered from the effects of the 
 long exposure rapidly, had his leg set, and was made 
 as comfortable as the combined efforts of the whole 
 workhouse hospital staff could make him. Then it 
 
 78
 
 THE INTERPRETERS 79 
 
 was noticed that he did not speak to anyone, and was 
 apparently unable to understand a word that was said 
 to him. The master of the workhouse, after a con- 
 sultation with the matron and the nurse, came to the 
 conclusion that he must be a foreigner. Dr. Whitty 
 was sent for again and the fact reported to him. 
 
 " I was thinking," said the master, " that you 
 might be able to speak to him, doctor, so as he'd be 
 able to understand what you said." 
 
 " Well, I can't," said the doctor. " I'm not a pro- 
 fessional interpreter, but I don't see that it much mat- 
 ters whether you're able to talk to him or not. Give 
 him his food. He'll understand the meaning of a 
 cup of tea when it's offered him, whatever language 
 he's accustomed to speak. That's all you need care 
 about. As a matter of fact, he'll be just as well off 
 without having you and the nurse and the matron 
 sitting on the end of his bed and gossiping with him 
 all day long." 
 
 " What's troubling me," said the master, " is that 
 I've no way of finding out what religion he is." 
 
 " I don't see," said the doctor, " that his religion 
 matters in the least to us. He's not going to die." 
 
 " I know that. But I have to enter his religion in 
 the book. It's the rule that the religion of every in- 
 mate of the house or the hospital must be entered, 
 and I'll get into trouble after if I don't do it."
 
 80 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " Well," said the doctor, " there's no use asking 
 me about it. I can't talk to him any better than you 
 can, and there isn't any way of telling by the feel of 
 a man's leg whether he's a Catholic or a Protes- 
 tant." 
 
 " That may be," said the master, who disliked this 
 sort of flippant materialism, " but if I was to enter 
 him down as a Catholic, and it turned out after that 
 he was a Protestant, there'd be a row I'd never hear 
 the end of; and if I was to have him down as a 
 Protestant, and him being a Catholic all the time, 
 there'd be a worse row." 
 
 Dr. Whitty was a good-natured man, and was al- 
 ways ready to help anyone who was in a difficulty. 
 He felt for the master of the workhouse. He also 
 had a natural taste for solving difficult problems, and 
 the question of the sailor's religion attracted him. 
 
 " Tell me this, now," he said. " Had he any kind 
 of a Prayer Book or a religious emblem of any sort 
 on him when you were taking the clothes off him ? " 
 
 " Not one. I looked myself, and the nurse went 
 through his pockets after. Barring a lump of ship's 
 tobacco and an old knife there wasn't a thing on him." 
 
 " That's not much use to us," said the doctor. " I 
 never heard of a religion yet that forbid the use of 
 tobacco or objected to people carrying penknives. If 
 you'd found a bottle of whisky on him, now, it might
 
 THE INTERPRETERS 81 
 
 have helped us. We'd have known then that he 
 wasn't a Mohammedan." 
 
 "What'll I do at all?" 
 
 " I'll tell you what it is," said the doctor. " I'll go 
 round the town and I'll collect all the people in that 
 can speak any language besides English. I'll bring 
 them up here and let them try him one by one. It'll 
 be a queer thing if we can't find somebody that will 
 be able to make him understand a simple ques- 
 tion." 
 
 Dr. Whitty called first at the Imperial Hotel and 
 had an interview with Lizzie Glynn. 
 
 " Lizzie," he said, " you've had a good education at 
 one of the most expensive convents in Ireland. Isn't 
 that a fact?" 
 
 " It is," she said. " And I took a prize one time 
 for playing the piano." 
 
 " It's not piano-playing that I expect from you 
 now," said the doctor, " but languages. You speak 
 French, of course?" 
 
 " I learned it," said Lizzie, " but I wouldn't say 
 I could talk it very fast." 
 
 " Never mind how slow you go," said the doctor, 
 " so long as you get it out in the end. Are you good 
 at German ? " 
 
 " I didn't learn German." 
 
 "Italian?"
 
 82 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " There was one of the sisters that knew Italian," 
 said Lizzie, " but it wasn't taught regular." 
 
 " Russian ? Spanish ? Dutch ? " 
 
 Lizzie shook her head. 
 
 " That's a pity. Never mind. I'll put you down 
 for French, anyway. I'll take you up with me to the 
 workhouse hospital at six o'clock this evening. I 
 want you to speak French to a man that's there, one 
 of the sailors out of the ship that was wrecked." 
 
 " I mightn't be fit," said Lizzie doubtfully. 
 
 " Oh yes, you will. Just look up the French for 
 religion before you start, and get off the names of 
 the principal kinds of religion in that language. All 
 you have to do is to ask the man, ' What is your re- 
 ligion ? ' and then understand whatever it is he says 
 to you by way of an answer." 
 
 Dr. Whitty next called on Mr. Jackson and ex- 
 plained the situation to him. The rector, rather un- 
 willingly, offered French, and seemed relieved when 
 he was told that that language was already provided 
 for. 
 
 " I thought," said the doctor, " that you'd be sure 
 to know Greek." 
 
 " I do," said the rector, " but not modern Greek." 
 
 " Is there much difference ? " 
 
 " I don't know. I fancy there is." 
 
 " Well, look here, come up and try the poor fellow
 
 THE INTERPRETERS 83 
 
 with ancient Greek. I expect he'll understand it if 
 you talk slowly. All we want to get out of him is 
 whether he's a Protestant or a Catholic." 
 
 "If he's Greek at all," said the rector, " he'll prob- 
 ably not be either the one or the other." 
 
 " He's got to be one or the other while he's here. 
 He can choose whichever happens to be the nearest 
 thing to his own religion, whatever that is. Does 
 Mrs. Jackson know Italian or Spanish?" 
 
 " No. I rather think she learned German at 
 school, but I expect " 
 
 " Capital. I'll put her down for German." 
 
 " I'm sure she's forgotten it now." 
 
 " Never mind. She can brush it up. There's not 
 much wanted, and she has till six o'clock this evening. 
 I shall count on you both. Good-bye." 
 
 " By the way, doctor," said Mr. Jackson on the 
 doorstep, " now I come to think of it, I don't believe 
 there's a word in ancient Greek for Protestant." 
 
 ' There must be. It's one of the most important 
 and useful words in any language. How could the 
 ancient Greeks possibly have got on without it?" 
 
 " There isn't. I'm perfectly sure there isn't." 
 
 " That's awkward. But never mind, you'll be able 
 to get round it with some kind of paraphrase. After 
 all, we can't leave the poor fellow without the con- 
 solations of religion in some form. Good-bye."
 
 81 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " And and Catholic in ancient Greek will mean 
 something quite different, not in the least what it 
 means now." 
 
 The doctor was gone. Mr. Jackson went back to 
 his study and spent two hours wrestling with the 
 contents of a lexicon. He arrived at the workhouse 
 in the evening with a number of cryptic notes, the 
 words lavishly accented, written down on small slips 
 of paper. 
 
 Father Henaghan was the next person whom Dr. 
 Whitty visited. At first he absolutely declined to help. 
 
 " The only language I could make any shift at 
 speaking," he said, " is Latin. And that would be 
 no use to you. There isn't one sailor out of every 
 thousand, outside of the officers of the Royal Navy, 
 that would know six words of Latin." 
 
 " They tell me," said the doctor, " that there's no 
 great difference between Latin and Spanish or Italian. 
 Anyone that knows the one will make a pretty good 
 push at understanding the others." 
 
 " Whoever told you that told you a lie," said the 
 priest ; " and, anyway, I'm not going near that man 
 until I'm sure he's a Catholic." 
 
 " Don't be hard-hearted, Father. Think of the 
 poor fellow lying there and not being able to tell any 
 of us what religion he belongs to."
 
 THE INTERPRETERS 85 
 
 " I'll tell you why I won't go," said the priest. 
 " There was one time when I was a curate in Dublin 
 I used to be attending one of the hospitals. People 
 would be brought in suffering from accidents and dy- 
 ing, and you wouldn't know what they were, Catholic 
 or Protestant. I got into the way of anointing them 
 all while they were unconscious, feeling it could do 
 them no harm, even if they were Protestants. Well, 
 one day I anointed a poor fellow that they told me 
 was dying. What did he do but recover? It turned 
 out then that he was a Protestant, and, what's more, 
 an Orangeman, and when he heard what was done he 
 gave me all sorts of abuse. He said his mother 
 wouldn't rest easy in her grave when she heard of it, 
 and more talk of the same kind." 
 
 " This is quite a different sort of case," said the doc- 
 tor. " This man's not dying or the least likely to 
 die." 
 
 " I'll not go near him," said the priest. 
 
 " I'm sorry to hear you say that, Father. The Rev.' 
 Mr. Jackson is coming up, and he's prepared to ask 
 the man what religion he is in ancient Greek an- 
 cient Greek, mind you, no less. It wouldn't be a nice 
 thing to have it said about the town that the Protest- 
 ant minister could talk ancient Greek and that you 
 weren't fit to say a few words in Latin. Come now,
 
 86 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 Father Henaghan, for the credit of the Church say 
 you'll do it." 
 
 This last argument weighed greatly with the priest. 
 Dr. Whitty saw his advantage and pressed the mat- 
 ter home. 
 
 " I'll put you down," he said, " for Spanish and 
 Italian." 
 
 " You may put me down if you like, but I tell you 
 he won't know a word I speak to him." 
 
 " Try him," said the doctor. 
 
 " I'll not be making a public fool of myself to 
 please you," said the priest. " If I do it at all I'll 
 have no one with me in the room at the time, mind 
 that now." . , 
 
 " Not a soul. You shall have him all to yourself. 
 To tell the truth, I expect everybody will feel the same 
 as you do about that. The Rev. Mr. Jackson didn't 
 seem very keen on showing off his ancient Greek." 
 
 Colonel Beresford, when Dr. Whitty called on him, 
 confessed to a slight, a very slight acquaintance with 
 the Russian language. 
 
 " I took it up," he said, " a long time ago when I 
 was stationed in Edinburgh. There was a Russian 
 scare on at the time and everybody thought there was 
 going to be war. I happened to hear that there were 
 a couple of Russian medical students in the university, 
 and I thought if I picked up a little of the language
 
 THE INTERPRETERS 87 
 
 I might fall in for a staff appointment. I've nearly 
 forgotten it all now, and I didn't make any special 
 study of religious terms at the time, but I'll do the 
 best I can for you. You've got all the other lan- 
 guages, you say." 
 
 " I think so. I have " the doctor took a list from 
 his pocket " French, Miss Lizzie Glynn. She was 
 educated at a first-rate convent, and speaks French 
 fluently. Greek (ancient and modern), the Rev. Mr. 
 Jackson, German and allied tongues, Mrs. Jackson. 
 Italian, Spanish, and Portuguese, Father Henaghan. 
 That, with your Russian, makes a tolerably complete 
 list." 
 
 " I'd no idea," said the colonel, " that we were such 
 a polyglot people in Ballintra. By the way, you 
 haven't got Norwegian." 
 
 " No," said the doctor, " I haven't, and when you 
 come to think of it, a sailor is more likely to be that, 
 or a Swede, than anything else. Can you speak it ? " 
 
 " Not a word." 
 
 , " Do you happen to have a dictionary, Norwegian 
 or Swedish, in the house ? " 
 
 " No." 
 
 " That's a pity. I'd have tried to work it up a little 
 myself if you had." 
 
 " All I have," said the colonel, " is a volume of Ib- 
 sen's plays."
 
 88 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " Give me that," said the doctor, " and I'll do tny 
 best." 
 
 " It's only a translation." 
 
 " Never mind. I'll pick up something out of it that 
 may be useful. I have two hours before me. Do 
 you mind lending it to me ? " 
 
 Dr. Whitty went home with a copy of a translation 
 of Rosmersholme, Ghosts, and The Enemy of So- 
 ciety. 
 
 At six o'clock the whole party of linguists as- 
 sembled in the private sitting-room of the master of 
 the workhouse. Dr. Whitty gave them a short ad- 
 dress of an encouraging kind, pointing out that in 
 performing an act of charity they were making the 
 best possible use of the education they had received. 
 He then politely asked Mrs. Jackson if she would 
 like to visit the foreigner first. She did not seem 
 anxious to push herself forward. Her German, she 
 confessed, was weak; and she hoped that if she was 
 reserved until the last the man might possibly recog- 
 nise one of the other languages before her turn came. 
 Everybody else, it turned out, felt very much as Mrs. 
 Jackson did. In the end Dr. Whitty decided the or- 
 der of precedence by drawing lots. The colonel, ac- 
 cepting loyally the decision of destiny, went first and 
 returned with the news that the sailor showed no sign 
 of being able to understand Russian. Lizzie Glynn
 
 THE INTERPRETERS 89 
 
 went next and was no more fortunate with her 
 French. 
 
 " I'm not sure," she said, " did I speak it right. 
 But, right or wrong, he didn't know a word I said to 
 him." 
 
 Mr. Jackson arranged his notes carefully and was 
 conducted by the doctor to the ward. He too re- 
 turned without having made himself intelligible. 
 
 " I knew I should be no use," he said. " I expect 
 modern Greek is quite different from the language I 
 know." 
 
 Father Henaghan's Latin was a complete failure. 
 He seemed irritated and reported very unfavourably 
 of the intelligence of the patient. 
 
 " It's my belief," he said, " that the man's mind's 
 gone. He must have got a crack on the head some- 
 how, as well as breaking his leg, and had the sense 
 knocked out of him. He looks to me like a man who'd 
 understand well enough when you talked to him if he 
 had his right mind." 
 
 This view of the sailor's condition made Mrs. Jack- 
 son nervous. She said she had no experience of 
 lunatics and disliked being brought into contact with 
 them. She wanted to back out of her promise to ask 
 the necessary question in German. In the end she 
 consented to go, but only if her husband was allowed 
 to accompany her. She was back again in five
 
 90 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 minutes, and said definitely that the man knew no 
 German whatever. 
 
 " Now," said the colonel, " it's your turn, doctor. 
 Go at him with your Norwegian." 
 
 " The fact is," said the doctor, " that, owing to the 
 three plays you lent me being merely translations, 
 I've only been able to get a hold of one Norwegian 
 word. However, as it happens, it is an extremely 
 useful word in this particular case. The Norwegian 
 for a clergyman," he said triumphantly, " is 'Pastor.' 
 What's more, I've got a hold of the name of one of 
 their clergy. If this man is a Norwegian, and has 
 been in the habit of going to the theatre, I expect 
 he'll know all about Pastor Manders." 
 
 " It's clever of you to have fished that out of the 
 book I lent you," said the colonel, " but I don't quite 
 see how it will help you to find out whether our friend 
 with the broken leg is a Protestant or a Roman Catho- 
 lic." 
 
 " It will help if it's worked properly, if it's worked 
 the way I mean to work it, that is to say, if the man 
 is a Norwegian, and I don't see what else he can be." 
 
 " He might be a Turk," said Father Henaghan. 
 
 " No, he couldn't. I tried him with half a glass 
 of whisky this morning and he simply lapped it up. 
 If he had been a Turk the smell of it would have 
 turned him sick. We may fairly assume that he is,
 
 91 
 
 as I say, a Norwegian, and if he is I'll get at him. 
 I shall want you, Father Henaghan, and you, Mr. 
 Jackson, to come with me." 
 
 " I've been twice already," said Mr. Jackson. " Do 
 you really think it necessary for me " 
 
 " I shan't ask you to speak another word of ancient 
 Greek," said the doctor. " You needn't do anything 
 except stand where I put you and look pleasant." 
 
 He took the priest and the rector, seizing each by 
 an arm, and swept them with him along the corridor 
 to the ward in which the -injured sailor lay. He set 
 them one on each side of the bed, and stood at the 
 foot of it himself. The sailor stared first at the priest 
 and next at the rector. Then he looked the doctor 
 straight in the face and his left eyelid twitched 
 slightly. Dr. Whitty felt almost certain that he 
 winked ; but there was clearly no reason why he should 
 wink with any malicious intent, so he put the motion 
 down to some nervous affection. 
 
 " Pastor," said the doctor, in a loud, clear tone, 
 pointing to Father Henaghan. 
 
 The sailor looked vacantly at the priest. 
 
 " Pastor," said the doctor again, indicating Mr. 
 Jackson with his finger. 
 
 The sailor turned his head and looked at Mr. 
 Jackson, but there was no sign of intelligence on his 
 face.
 
 92 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 "Take your choice," said the doctor; "you can 
 have either one or the other. We don't want to in- 
 fluence you in the slightest, but you've got to profess 
 a religion of some sort while you're here, and these 
 clergymen represent the only two kinds we have. 
 One or other of them you must choose, otherwise the 
 unfortunate master of this workhouse will get into 
 trouble for not registering you. Hang it all ! I don't 
 believe the fool knows a single word I'm saying to 
 him." 
 
 Again the man's eyelid, this time his right eyelid, 
 twitched. 
 
 " Don't do that," said the doctor ; " it distracts your 
 attention from what I'm saying. Listen to me now. 
 Pastor Manders ! " He pointed to the priest. " Pas- 
 tor Manders ! " He indicated the rector. 
 
 Neither Father Henaghan nor Mr. Jackson had ever 
 read Ghosts, which was fortunate. If they had they 
 might have resented the name which the doctor im- 
 posed on them. Apparently the sailor did not know 
 the play either. " Manders " seemed to mean no more 
 to him than " Pastor " did. 
 
 " There's no use our standing here all evening," 
 said Father Henaghan. " You told me to look pleas- 
 ant, and I have I haven't looked pleasant for so 
 long a time since the fellow was round last summer
 
 THE INTERPRETERS 93 
 
 taking photographs but I don't see that any good 
 is likely to come of it." 
 
 " Come on," said the doctor. " I've done my best 
 and I can do no more. I'm inclined to think now 
 that the man must be either a Laplander or an Esqui- 
 maux. He'd have understood me if he'd been a Dane, 
 a Swede, a Norwegian, or even a Finn." 
 
 " I told you, as soon as ever I set eyes on him," 
 said the priest, " that he was out of his mind. My 
 own belief is, doctor, that if you give him some sort 
 of a soothing draught, and get him back into his right 
 senses, he'll turn out to be an Irishman. It's what he 
 looks like." 
 
 Michael Geraghty, who had carted the injured sailor 
 from the scene of the shipwreck, called on Dr. Whitty 
 next day at breakfast-time. 
 
 " I hear," he said, " that you had half the town 
 up yesterday trying could they get a word out 
 of that fellow that's in the hospital with the broken 
 leg." 
 
 " I had. We spoke to him in every language in 
 Europe, and I'm bothered if I know what country he 
 belongs to at all. There wasn't one of us he'd an- 
 swer." 
 
 " Did you think of trying him with the Irish ? " 
 
 "I did not. Where would be the good? If he
 
 94 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 could speak Irish he'd be sure to be able to speak 
 English." 
 
 " Would you have any objection to my saying a 
 few words to him, doctor ? " 
 
 " Not the least in the world. If you've nothing 
 particular to do, go up there and tell the master I 
 sent you." 
 
 An hour later Michael Geraghty reappeared at the 
 doctor's door. He was grinning broadly and seemed 
 pleased with himself. 
 
 " Well, Michael, did you make him speak ? " 
 
 " I didn't like to say a word to you, doctor, till I 
 made sure, for fear of what I might be bringing some 
 kind of trouble on the wrong man ; but as soon as 
 ever I seen that fellow put into my cart beyond at 
 Carrigwee, I said to myself: 'You're mighty like 
 poor Affy Hynes that's gone, only a bit older.' I took 
 another look at him as we were coming along the 
 road, and says I, ' If Affy Hynes is alive this minute 
 you're him.' You'll recollect, doctor, that the poor 
 fellow couldn't speak at the time, by reason of the 
 cold that was on him and the broken leg and all the 
 hardship he'd been through. Well, looking at him 
 off and on till I got to the workhouse I came to be 
 pretty near certain that it was either Affy Hynes or 
 a tW'in brother of his; and Mrs. Hynes, the mother,
 
 THE INTERPRETERS 95 
 
 that's dead this ten years, never had but the one 
 son." 
 
 " And who was Affy Hynes ? " 
 
 " It was before your time, of course, and before 
 Father Henaghan was parish priest; but the colonel 
 would know who I mean." Michael sank his voice 
 to an impressive whisper. " Affy Hynes was the boy 
 that the police was out after in the bad times, wanting 
 to have him hanged on account of the way that the 
 bailiff was shot. But he made off, and none of us 
 ever knew where he went to, though they did say 
 that it might be to an uncle of his that was in Amer- 
 ica." 
 
 " Did he murder the bailiff? " 
 
 " He did not ; nor I don't believe he knew who did, 
 though he might." 
 
 " Then what did he run away for ? " 
 
 " For fear they'd hang him," said Michael Ger- 
 aghty. " Amn't I just after telling you?" 
 
 " Go on," said the doctor. 
 
 " Well, when Affy came to himself after all the 
 hardship he had it wasn't long before he found out 
 the place he was in. ' It's Ballintra/ says he to him- 
 self, ' or it's mighty like it.' There did be a great 
 dread on him then that the police would be out after 
 him again and have him took, and, says he, into him-
 
 96 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 self like, so as no one would hear him, ' I'll let on I 
 can't understand a word they say to me, so as they 
 won't know my voice, anyway.' And so he did; but 
 he went very near laughing one time when you had 
 the priest and the minister, one on each side of him, 
 and ' Pastor,' says you " 
 
 " Never mind that part," said the doctor. 
 
 "If it's displeasing to you to hear about it I'll not 
 say another word. Only, I'd be thankful if you'd 
 tell me why you called the both of them Manders. 
 It's what Affy was saying to me this minute : ' Mich- 
 ael,' says he, ' is Manders the name that's on the priest 
 that's in the parish presently ? ' ' It is not,' I says, 
 ' but Henaghan.' ' That's queer,' said he. ' Is it 
 Manders they call the minister ? ' ' It is not/ I says ; 
 ' it's Jackson. There never was one an the place of 
 the name of Manders, priest or minister.' ' That's 
 queer,' says he, ' for the doctor called both the two 
 of them Manders.' " 
 
 " So he understood every word we said to him all 
 the time ? " said the doctor. 
 
 " Not the whole of it, nor near the whole," said 
 Michael Geraghty. " He's been about the world a 
 deal, being a sailor, and he said he could make out 
 what Miss Glynn was saying pretty well, and he 
 knew the minister's lady was talking Dutch, though 
 he couldn't tell what she was saying, for it wasn't
 
 THE INTERPRETERS 97 
 
 just the same Dutch as he'd been accustomed to hear- 
 ing. The colonel made a middling good offer at the 
 Russian. Affy was a year one time up in them parts, 
 and he knows ; but he said he'd be damned if he could 
 make any kind of a guess at what either the priest 
 or the minister was at, and he told me to be sure and 
 ask you what they were talking, because he'd like to 
 know." 
 
 " I'll go up and see him myself," said the doctor. 
 
 " If you speak the Irish to him he'll answer you," 
 said Michael. 
 
 " I will, if he likes," said the doctor. " But why 
 won't he speak English ? " 
 
 " There's a sort of dread on him," said Michael 
 Geraghty. " I think he'd be more willing to trust you 
 if you'd speak to him in the Irish, it being all one to 
 you. He bid me say to you, and it's a good job I 
 didn't forget it, that if so be he was dying, you might 
 tell Father Henaghan he's a Catholic, the way he'd 
 attend on him ; but if he's to live, he'd as soon no 
 one but yourself and me knew he was in the place." 
 
 Dr. Whitty went up to the workhouse, turned the 
 nurse out of the ward, and sat down beside Affy 
 Hynes. 
 
 " Tell me this now," he said, " why didn't you let 
 me know who you were? I wouldn't have told on 
 you."
 
 98 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " I was sorry after that I didn't," said Affy, " when 
 I seen all the trouble that I put you to. It was too 
 much altogether fetching the ladies and gentlemen up 
 here to be speaking to the like of me. It's what never 
 happened to me before, and I'm sorry you were both- 
 ered." 
 
 " Why didn't you tell me then ? " 
 
 " Sure, I did my best. Did you not see me winking 
 at you twice, when you had the priest and the min- 
 ister in with me, as much as to say : ' Doctor, if I 
 thought I could trust you I'd tell you the truth this 
 minute.' I made full sure you'd understand what it 
 was I was meaning the second time, even if you 
 didn't at the first go-off." 
 
 " That's not what I gathered from your wink at 
 all," said the doctor. " I thought you'd got some 
 kind of a nervous affection of the eye." 
 
 " It's a queer thing now," said Affy, " that the two 
 of them reverend gentlemen should have the same 
 name, and that Manders." 
 
 " We'll drop that subject," said the doctor. 
 
 " We will, of course, if it's pleasing to you. But 
 it is queer all the same, and I'd be glad if I knew the 
 reason of it, for it must be mighty confusing for the 
 people of this place, both Catholic and Protestant. 
 Tell me now, doctor, is there any fear that I might 
 be took by the police ? "
 
 THE INTERPRETERS 99 
 
 " Not a bit. That affair of yours, whatever it was, 
 is blown over long ago." 
 
 " Are you certain of that ? " 
 
 " I am." 
 
 " Then as soon as I'm fit I'll take a bit of a stroll 
 out and look at the old place. I'd like to see it 
 again. Many's the time I've said to myself, me being 
 maybe in some faraway country at the time, ' I'd like 
 to see Ballintra again, and the house where my mother 
 lived, and the bohireen that the asses does be going 
 along into the bog when the turf's brought home.' 
 Is it there yet?" 
 
 " I expect it is," said the doctor. 
 
 " God is good," said Affy. " It's little ever I ex- 
 pected to set eyes on it."
 
 V 
 THE ETYMOLOGISTS 
 
 4CT DON'T know what right he thinks he has to do 
 
 * it," said Colonel Beresford, " but every time 
 
 Hosty meets me he asks some favour or other of me." 
 
 He had returned from a short visit to Dublin and 
 stood outside the Court House after the Petty Ses- 
 sions were over. He was talking to Dr. Whitty. 
 
 " Last time I met him was the day I was going over 
 to London to see my daughter in April. He palmed 
 off a niece of his on me then, a creature that was 
 going back to school, who sat on top of me the whole 
 way from Holyhead to Euston." 
 
 " You speak figuratively, of course," said the doc- 
 tor. " No respectable niece " 
 
 " The time before that he had an army pensioner 
 whom he wanted me to take on as gatekeeper. I 
 told him I had more gatekeepers already than I had 
 gates ; but he bothered on at me for nearly an hour. 
 Once before he dragged me to a concert to hear a 
 musical protege of his. That cost me ten and six- 
 pence, and I was frightfully bored." 
 
 100
 
 THE ETYMOLOGISTS 101 
 
 " Sir Clement Hosty," said the doctor, " appears 
 to be a man of varied interests in life." 
 
 " You'll say that more emphatically when you hear 
 the last thing he did. I was lunching in the club the 
 day before yesterday, and as soon as I entered the 
 room I caught sight of Hosty. I sat down as far 
 away from him as I could, of course, and I thought 
 he wouldn't see me. Unfortunately, he did. I had 
 no sooner lit my cigarette in the hall afterwards than 
 he came bounding up to me. You know the way he 
 walks." 
 
 " No, I don't. I've never seen him." 
 
 " Well, he's a stoutish man and short. He's also 
 surprisingly energetic, and he gets over the ground 
 like a tennis ball on a dry day. He grabbed me at 
 once and said he wanted me to do the civil thing to 
 a Professor Bernstein who was coming down to this 
 neighbourhood with two assistant etymologists. 
 They're sent out by the Royal Society to make a scien- 
 tific survey of this county." 
 
 " You're sure he said etymologists ? " 
 
 " Quite," said the colonel. " Hosty always shouts 
 so that you can't pretend not to hear what he's say- 
 ing, even if you're quite a long way off. Now, what 
 sort of civility would an etymologist expect, do you 
 think?" 
 
 " Lunch, for one thing," said the doctor. " All
 
 102 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 scientific men eat largely, you know. And whatever 
 help you can give him in his pursuit." 
 
 " I don't know anything about etymology," said the 
 colonel. " It's words, isn't it ? not insects." 
 
 " Yes ; the science of the origin of human speech, 
 and the relationship of the words that are in one 
 language to other words that are in other languages 
 which don't sound a bit like them. There's a thing 
 called Grimm's Law which lies at the base of the 
 whole concern. It shows that whenever a German 
 is inclined to say ' k ' an Englishman naturally wants 
 to say ' d,' or something else of the same sort." 
 
 " I sympathise a good deal with the Englishman. 
 But what's the good of coming down here to study 
 that sort of thing? There are no Germans here, and 
 I don't believe there are two dozen Englishmen within 
 a radius of ten miles of us." 
 
 " I expect," said the doctor, " that they're after 
 Irish. It's perfectly amazing the interest German 
 professors take you said he was a German, didn't 
 you?" 
 
 "No, I didn't. I don't know what he is. All I 
 said was that his name is Bernstein." 
 
 " Then he must be a German, and, if so, he's al- 
 most certain to be studying Irish. In that case he 
 hasn't come to an absolutely first-rate place, but still 
 we can manage to collect a few people for him who
 
 THE ETYMOLOGISTS 103 
 
 speak the language pretty fluently. When does he 
 arrive ? " 
 
 " Next Tuesday," said the colonel. " He leaves the 
 same day, I'm thankful to say." 
 
 " Very well," said Dr. Whitty. " You order sauer 
 kraut and lager beer for luncheon. I'll arrange the 
 rest, and you may rely on me to see that they get 
 enough Irish to last them for the afternoon, any- 
 how." 
 
 "What do you mean to do?" 
 
 " I shall collect half a dozen old people who speak 
 nothing else," said Dr. Whitty, "and I'll set them 
 out in a row in your hall. I'll get Father Henaghan 
 up to interpret. You'll have to ask him to lunch, of 
 course ; and then, after they've done eating, the scien- 
 tists can have a regular linguistic debauch. I dare 
 say you'd better have Mr. Jackson too, as you're hav- 
 ing the priest. It's always well to avoid exciting 
 ill-feeling, and the clergy are frightfully jealous of 
 each other." 
 
 " You'll have to come yourself too," said the colo- 
 nel. " I couldn't face a party of that sort without 
 help." 
 
 "Right," said Dr. Whitty. "And now, as we've 
 only got three days before us, I'd better be off." 
 
 He went straight to the Presbytery and called on 
 Father Henaghan.
 
 104 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " The colonel," he said, " wants you to lunch with 
 him next Tuesday." 
 
 "What for?" 
 
 " Well, the pleasure of your company for one 
 thing." 
 
 " If the other thing has anything to do with 
 Woman's Suffrage," said the priest, " I'm not going. 
 I had enough of that the last time Mrs. Challoner 
 was over." 
 
 " She's not here now," said the doctor, " and the 
 subject for discussion on Tuesday is the Irish lan- 
 guage. You're interested in that, I know." 
 
 " There's a mighty deal of nonsense talked about 
 the same language. It would make you sick to hear 
 the way some of them go on, and them the ones that 
 know least about it." 
 
 "That may be," said the doctor. "But the colo- 
 nel has a German professor and two assistants com- 
 ing to him on Tuesday, men that have devoted their 
 lives to the Irish language, and are more deeply in- 
 terested in it than in anything else in the world. 
 They study it, of course, mainly from an etymological 
 point of view." 
 
 " I don't know," said the priest, " would I be much 
 use at the ancient Irish. They tell me it's not the 
 same as what we talk now."
 
 THE ETYMOLOGISTS 105 
 
 "That'll be all right," said Dr. Whitty. "You'll 
 only be wanted to act as interpreter. I'm getting up 
 half a dozen or so old people, and I was thinking of 
 yneas Finnegan for one. He's upwards of ninety 
 years of age, so I should think his Irish would be 
 ancient enough for anybody. What's more, he's 
 stone deaf and hasn't been able to hear a word that's 
 been said to him for the last twenty years, so his way 
 of talking can't have got corrupted by any modern in- 
 novations." 
 
 " How do you mean to get him to talk if he's so 
 deaf that he can't hear what you tell him ? " 
 
 " That's a difficulty," said the doctor, " that can be 
 got over by a glass of whisky. If one doesn't do I'll 
 give him another. The colonel won't grudge it when 
 it's for the sake of his guests. Is there anyone else 
 now that you'd suggest? The Widow Rafferty I'm 
 sure will come if I offer her a bottle of embrocation 
 for her rheumatism by way of a bribe. Then Patsy 
 Flynn's grandfather " 
 
 " You'll not get him," said the priest. 
 
 "And why not?" 
 
 " Because he hasn't been out of his bed this two 
 years." 
 
 " That's no reason why he shouldn't get out of it 
 now. When once he understands that it's a German
 
 106 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 professor of etymology that wants to see him he'll 
 be leaping like a two-year-old, and Patsy can bring 
 him in the ass-cart." 
 
 " Is it nothing but Irish-speaking you want ? " 
 
 " Pure Irish," said the doctor. " If possible I don't 
 want anyone there who has a word of English." 
 
 " If a good jig would be any use to you," said the 
 priest, " there's Molly Geraghty that was taught by 
 the old fellow that was round giving lessons two 
 years ago, and won a prize for her dancing up in 
 Dublin." 
 
 " I don't know," said the doctor, " whether jig- 
 dancing would come in under the heading of etymol- 
 ogy or not. But it would be a break in the monot- 
 ony of the proceedings, and I don't suppose that even 
 a German professor can want to talk Irish the whole 
 afternoon. Who else would you suggest?" 
 
 " I think you have your 'nough, as it is," said the 
 priest. " By the time you have old Finnegan half 
 drunk, and Biddy Rafferty telling us all about the 
 pains in her legs till we're tired listening to her, and 
 Patsy Flynn's grandfather getting his death of cold 
 in the ass-cart, him not having been out of his bed for 
 so long, you'll have mischief enough done for one 
 afternoon. You can let the rest of the poor people 
 stay quiet in their homes till they're wanted for some- 
 thing that'll be some good for them."
 
 THE ETYMOLOGISTS 107 
 
 " I shouldn't wonder," said the doctor, " but the 
 colonel would give them two and sixpence apiece after 
 it's over." 
 
 " If that's the way of it, and if you let it be known," 
 said the priest, " you'll get plenty to go more maybe 
 than the colonel will care to have wiping their boots 
 on the floor of his house." 
 
 Colonel Beresford walked up and down the gravel 
 sweep in front of Ballintra House and waited for his 
 guests. He was in an uncomfortable humour, and 
 the excellent cigar which he smoked failed to soothe 
 his nerves. He did not look forward to entertaining 
 a German savant who might or might not be able to 
 ,speak English fluently. He pictured to himself a 
 grizzled man with a shaggy beard, uncouthly dressed, 
 deficient in manners, and probably dirty. He would 
 be accompanied by two assistants, gauche youths, no 
 doubt, either painfully shy or else bumptious. The 
 prospect was dismal enough. And things were not, 
 in the colonel's opinion, likely to be improved by the 
 additions which Dr. Whitty was making to the party. 
 The three old people who were to speak Irish were 
 sure to cause trouble of some sort, especially if given 
 liberal supplies of whisky. He had not the least wish 
 to see Molly Geraghty dancing jigs in his hall. He 
 threw away the end of his cigar and cursed Sir Clem- 
 ent Hosty heartily. Then he heard the sound of
 
 IDS THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 wheels, and turned to see Patsy Flynn driving his 
 donkey-cart up to the house. In the back of the cart, 
 on a bundle of straw, well wrapped up in old sacks, 
 sat Patsy's grandfather. 
 
 " Who the devil are you," said the colonel, " and 
 what do you want? " 
 
 " It's my grandfather," said Patsy, " that's come 
 according to what the doctor was saying." 
 
 " Oh, is it ? Can he talk Irish ? He doesn't look 
 as if he'd talk anything much." 
 
 " Irish, is it ? There isn't one in the county talks 
 it better. If so be you get him started, he'll go on 
 till you'd think the jaws of him would crack. There's 
 no stopping him." 
 
 " Take him round to the backdoor then," said the 
 colonel, " and the cook will give him his dinner. I'll 
 send for him when I want him." 
 
 Patsy sidled up to the colonel and stood in a depre- 
 cating attitude with his hat in his hand. 
 
 "Why don't you go?" said the colonel. 
 
 " As regards the half-crown," said Patsy, " the old 
 man hasn't as much sense as he might, and I was 
 thinking, if it was pleasing to your honour, that it 
 might be as well to give the half-crown to me." 
 
 "What half-crown?" 
 
 " The half-crown the doctor's after promising him 
 for talking the Irish to the foreign gentlemen."
 
 THE ETYMOLOGISTS 109 
 
 "Oh, the doctor promised that, did he? If so, I 
 suppose I'll have to pay up. But I won't give you 
 a penny till I've actually heard the Irish." 
 
 Dr. Whitty was the next arrival. He greeted the 
 colonel with an inquiry. 
 
 " You're perfectly certain," he said, " that Sir Clem- 
 ent Hosty said etymologists that day in the club? " 
 
 "I am," said the colonel, "perfectly. Why?" 
 
 " Oh, nothing. Only I happened to hear this morn- 
 ing that there was a man chasing butterflies in the 
 neighbourhood of Dunbeg the last two days, and it 
 occurred to me but of course you're quite sure about 
 this professor being an etymologist?" 
 
 " I am." 
 
 " That's all right then. I passed old Finnegan on the 
 way up the avenue, and Father Henaghan is bringing 
 Molly Geraghty on his car." 
 
 " One cripple has already arrived in a donkey- 
 cart," said the colonel. " He appears to expect to be 
 paid half a crown." 
 
 " I forgot to mention," said the doctor, " that I had 
 to promise them half a crown each to get them to 
 come. It'll only be seven and sixpence. Molly Ger- 
 aghty will dance for the pleasure of it. By the way, 
 I hope you don't mind, I arranged for your gardener 
 to play for her. He has a melodeon." 
 
 " Not in the least. If you think it would be any
 
 110 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 comfort to her I'll get the stable boy in to whistle, 
 and we'll have a band. I know he whistles, for I 
 hear him every time I go into the yard." 
 
 "Ah," said Dr. Whitty. "Here's Mr. Jackson. 
 He has old Finnegan by the arm. That's nice of 
 him, isn't it? I always said Mr. Jackson had a kind 
 heart. I suppose it comes from having a large fam- 
 ily." 
 
 Father Henaghan and Molly Geraghty arrived im- 
 mediately after the rector. Molly, in honour of the 
 occasion, wore a white frock and a bright green sash, 
 which crossed her left shoulder and was tied in a neat 
 bow at her waist. Along it in large silver letters ran 
 the inscription " Ar Dteanga Fein." Dr. Whitty 
 nudged the colonel delightedly. 
 
 " Irish," he said, " the written language. That'll 
 please the professor." 
 
 " I hope to goodness," said the colonel, " that it's 
 not any kind of seditious inscription. I don't mind 
 myself; but if Allington was to hear " 
 
 " Lord Allington can't object to that," said the doc- 
 tor. " It simply means ' our own language.' It 
 might apply to English or French or Chinese or any- 
 thing." 
 
 " It'll be awkward enough as it is," said the colo- 
 nel. " Allington is frightfully down on this language 
 revival business. Bless my soul, who's this ? "
 
 THE ETYMOLOGISTS 111 
 
 A car drove rapidly up the avenue. On one side 
 of it sat a fresh-complexioned, white-haired gentle- 
 man dressed in a smart grey suit of clothes and 
 wearing a light grey felt hat of very stylish appear- 
 ance. On the other side were two girls in pink cotton 
 frocks, looking very bright and pretty. 
 
 " It must be the professor and his assistants," said 
 Dr. Whitty ; " but they don't look like etymologists." 
 
 Professor Bernstein leaped from the car and in- 
 troduced himself to Colonel Beresford. Then he pre- 
 sented the two girls, who were, it appeared, his two 
 daughters. There were further introductions, much 
 hand-shaking and smiling. Professor Bernstein made 
 a series of light jokes in rapid succession. His re- 
 mote ancestors might possibly have come from Ger- 
 many, but it was quite obvious that he spoke Eng- 
 lish as his mother tongue. The elder of the two girls 
 took hold of Molly Geraghty and drew her from the 
 priest's side. 
 
 " What a sweetly pretty sash," she said. " Is this 
 your daughter, Colonel Beresford ? " 
 
 " No," said the colonel, " she's not. " She's " 
 
 " But what's the inscription ? " said Miss Bernstein, 
 still intent on the sash. " I can't even read the let- 
 ters." 
 
 "Ar Dteanga Fein," said Dr. Whitty. "You 
 recognise it at once, of course, professor. ' Teanga '
 
 112 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 is no doubt connected etymologically with the Eng- 
 lish ' tongue/ the old German for which I have at this 
 moment forgotten, but you'll know. Mr. Jackson will 
 tell us the Greek. What is the Greek for a tongue, 
 Mr. Jackson ? " 
 
 " Glossa," said Mr. Jackson. 
 
 Professor Bernstein stared. 
 
 " Glossa," said the doctor. " Glossa, teanga, tongue. 
 I don't quite see the phonetic connection, but 
 I've no doubt it's there. The fact is, I'm not as fa- 
 miliar with Grimm's Law as I ought to be. But this 
 is all ABC to you, professor." 
 
 " Shall we wait luncheon for your assistants ? " 
 said the colonel. 
 
 Professor Bernstein smiled. 
 
 " These are my assistants," he said, pointing to his 
 two daughters. " I often say that they're just like but- 
 terflies themselves. Some day they'll be caught, I 
 suppose, and then what shall I do?" 
 
 Both Miss Bernsteins blushed. The colonel did not 
 catch the point of the joke, and suggested that the 
 car should go round to the stable. Dr. Whitty walked 
 a few yards with the driver to show him the way. On 
 his return he caught the colonel by the arm and whis- 
 pered to him 
 
 " You're still absolutely certain that Sir Clement 
 Hosty said etymologists?"
 
 THE ETYMOLOGISTS 113 
 
 " Yes, I am. Don't ask me that again." 
 
 " All right," said the doctor, " only I'd have taken 
 my oath that there was a green butterfly net on the 
 back of that car." 
 
 At luncheon Professor Bernstein took the lead in 
 the conversation. He was, it appeared, greatly in- 
 terested in rotifers. No one else, except perhaps his 
 two daughters, knew what rotifers were ; so the 
 professor had the subject entirely to himself, until, 
 at the end of ten minutes, Dr. Whitty interrupted 
 him. 
 
 " Rotifer," he said, " is a remarkably interesting 
 word. It is derived you will correct me, professor, 
 if I go wrong from the Latin root ' f er,' which 
 implies the idea of carrying, and ' rota,' which means 
 a wheel. That reminds me that the Irish word for a 
 bicycle is ' ratha ' the aspirated t, you know, profes- 
 sor obviously the Latin ' rota ' again. Curious that 
 the Irish people, in giving a name to an entirely new 
 object, should have hit on the same way of doing it 
 as the Americans. They always speak of bicycles as 
 wheels, you know. The fact suggests some interesting 
 thoughts about the effect of the Irish mind upon the 
 American language. But perhaps that's a matter 
 rather for the ethnologist than the etymologist." 
 
 He looked round for admiration when he had fin- 
 ished this speech. He received it from Colonel Beres-
 
 114 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 ford, Mr. Jackson, and Father Henaghan. The 
 professor appeared to be puzzled, and relapsed into 
 silence. His two daughters giggled slightly. They 
 evidently regarded Dr. Whitty 's etymology as a joke. 
 
 " We have a little surprise for you after lunch," 
 said Dr. Whitty, noticing that the professor did not 
 take up the subject of wheels with any interest. " We 
 have succeeded in collecting together by the way, 
 Father Henaghan, did the Widow Rafferty arrive? 
 I saw Finnegan, and the colonel tells me that Patsy 
 Flynn's grandfather turned up all right. I hope 
 Biddy hasn't failed us." 
 
 " I didn't see sight nor light of her," said the 
 priest. 
 
 "If she doesn't turn up," said Dr. Whitty, "she 
 may twist herself into knots with rheumatism before 
 I give her another bottle. You'd have been particu- 
 larly interested in Biddy Rafferty, professor. I shall 
 be sorry if she's not here." 
 
 " Is she very amusing? " asked the eldest Miss Bern- 
 stein. 
 
 " Not very," said the doctor ; " but her Irish is re- 
 markably idiomatic. Every one agrees about that. 
 You think it first-rate, don't you, Father Henaghan ? " 
 
 " I do," said the priest ; " barring that she seldom 
 says a word about anything but the way the rheuma-
 
 THE ETYMOLOGISTS 115 
 
 tism has her tormented, her Irish is as good as you'd 
 hear." 
 
 " But not as ancient as Finnegan's," said the doc- 
 tor. " The professor, I know, will take a particular 
 delight in Finnegan, and fortunately he's here." 
 
 "I I regret to say," said the professor, " that 
 I've never found time to study the Irish language." 
 
 Colonel Beresford became aware that his party was 
 turning out even worse than he expected. There was 
 evidently some misunderstanding about the Bern- 
 steins and the Irish language. He changed the sub- 
 ject of conversation effectively by asking the professor 
 if he had recently seen Sir Clement Hosty. Mr. 
 Jackson, who had known Lady Hosty before she was 
 married, asked several questions about her. Colonel 
 Beresford, after scowling at Dr. Whitty, found an 
 opportunity of telling the butler to give the two Irish 
 speakers five shillings each and send them off the 
 premises. 
 
 Greatly to the relief of the rest of the party the 
 Bernsteins declared that they must go away immedi- 
 ately after luncheon. 
 
 " I don't like to miss this fine afternoon," said the 
 professor. " There is an interesting series of small 
 lakes in this neighbourhood, in which I may quite pos- 
 sibly come across some unique specimens."
 
 116 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 Colonel Beresford turned angrily on Dr. Whitty as 
 scon as the car was out of sight. 
 
 " What do you mean," he said, " by letting me in 
 for this tomfoolery?" 
 
 " That," said the doctor, " is a question which, 
 properly speaking, ought to be put to Sir Clement 
 Hosty." 
 
 " I shall put it to Hosty," said the colonel, " as soon 
 as ever I see him. But it wasn't Hosty who made an 
 ass of me before this professor by filling up my house 
 with cripples and dancing girls." 
 
 " As far as the dancing girl is concerned," said Dr. 
 Whitty, " she was Father Henaghan's suggestion en- 
 tirely. I didn't want her. But neither he nor I are 
 to blame in the slightest. You and Sir Clement Hosty 
 have bungled it between you. Ever since I heard 
 there was a man catching butterflies in Dunbeg I sus- 
 pected that the professor would turn out to be an en- 
 tomologist. I felt pretty sure of it when I saw the 
 butterfly net on the car. But you stuck to your theory 
 in spite of all I could say to you ; and I still maintain 
 that the entertainment we provided was quite the best 
 possible if the man had been what you told me he 
 was." 
 
 " It was 'etymologist that Hosty said," said the 
 colonel. " I'll stick to that till the day of my death. 
 I couldn't have been mistaken, because Hosty has a
 
 THE ETYMOLOGISTS 117 
 
 habit of shouting every remark he makes as if the 
 whole world was deaf." 
 
 " If I'd been told he was an entomologist," said the 
 doctor, " I'd have talked to him about rotifers. I 
 don't know anything about them, but I could have 
 made them up out of a book before I came. It would 
 have been a great deal easier for me to talk intelli- 
 gently about rotifers than about Grimm's Law. 
 What's more, I'd have had specimens of every in- 
 sect in this part of the country ready for him when 
 he came, from the common pediculus capitis " 
 
 " Don't be disgusting if you can help it," said the 
 colonel. " Things are bad enough without that." 
 
 " There's nothing disgusting about the pediculus," 
 said the doctor. " To the truly scientific mind, like 
 the professor's, he's as interesting as any other bug." 
 
 " Perhaps on the whole, then," said the colonel, 
 " it's just as well Hosty made that mistake. Your 
 mendicant cripples and Molly Geraghty are bad 
 enough, but they're better than having my house filled 
 up with live fleas."
 
 VI 
 
 " GOD SAVE THE KING " 
 
 band will play all afternoon, of course," 
 said Dr. Whitty. 
 
 He was speaking about the sports the " Grand 
 Athletic, Bicycle and Boat Racing Regatta," as the 
 advertisement called the event which were to be 
 held in Ballintra on the first Saturday in August. 
 
 " I don't know will it be able," said Father Hena- 
 ghan, " and if it is, it'll likely be the last time ever 
 it does play." 
 
 He was President in Connacht everything has a 
 President of the town band. He was also its Hon- 
 orary Treasurer. 
 
 " And why do you say that ? " said Dr. Whitty. 
 
 " You know well enough," said the priest, " that 
 we had to give the bandmaster notice for want of 
 funds to pay him." 
 
 " Surely to goodness," said the doctor, " they must 
 have half a dozen tunes learned off by this time. 
 Nobody'll know whether they play them right or 
 wrong. Let them do the best they can, and make 
 some sort of a noise anyway." 
 
 118
 
 "GOD SAVE THE KING" 119 
 
 " I don't know," said the priest, " will they be fit 
 to do that much itself. It was only last week they 
 were telling me that the cornet's broke, and I'm think- 
 ing they'll do badly without it. What's more, I'm not 
 sure but young Flaherty put the blade of his knife 
 through the big drum." 
 
 " We'll have to get them some new instruments 
 then," said the doctor. " The band we simply must 
 have." 
 
 " You can't get new instruments, for there's no 
 money, and I don't see where it's to be got after the 
 way you've collected the whole district for the sports. 
 There isn't one about the place has a shilling left in 
 his pocket." 
 
 Dr. Whitty had, in fact, levied a sum of money 
 very near the taxable capacity of the people. He 
 recognised the impossibility of securing further con- 
 tributions. 
 
 " I'll tell you what it is," he said. " We must get 
 something out of Lord Allington. That man's as rich 
 as a Jew." 
 
 " He never gives a penny," said the priest. 
 
 " He does. I happen to know that he gives twenty 
 pounds a year to the Protestant Church on account of 
 having property in the parish, though he doesn't live 
 in it. I don't see why he shouldn't give the half of
 
 120 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 that amount to our band. You ought to try him any- 
 way." 
 
 " I will not. I asked him for a subscription one 
 time, and the way he refused me I swore I'd never 
 ask him again. Do you go over to Allington Castle 
 and ask him yourself." 
 
 " It wouldn't be a bit of good," said the doctor. 
 " But I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll get the colonel 
 to write. He'd give us something if the colonel asked 
 him." 
 
 It took Dr. Whitty. a long time to persuade Colonel 
 Beresford to write the letter, but he succeeded in the 
 end. By return of post a reply came from Lord Al- 
 lington. 
 
 " DEAR COLONEL BERESFORD, I am always ready 
 to support anything which is for the benefit of the 
 tenants on my estate, and I should be perfectly will- 
 ing to give a subscription to a band managed on non- 
 political lines. Unfortunately, my experience of these 
 local bands leads me to believe that they are nothing 
 more or less than part of the machinery used by sedi- 
 tious persons for the inculcation of rebellious princi- 
 ples. On the only occasion on which I ever heard the 
 Ballintra band play, the tune chosen was ' God Save 
 Ireland.' I am sure you will understand that, in 
 these circumstances, and in the absence of any express 
 guarantee from some reasonable person that no Party
 
 "GOD SAVE THE KING" 121 
 
 tunes will be played, I cannot conscientiously support 
 the band. 
 
 " Thanks for your inquiry for Lady Allington. I 
 am glad to say she is a great deal stronger than she 
 was. The Irish air always sets her up. I am, yours 
 very sincerely, ALLINGTON." 
 
 The colonel handed the letter to Dr. Whitty. 
 
 " Do you think now," said the doctor, " that if the 
 band was to play ' God Save the King ' he'd give us a 
 subscription ? " 
 
 " I expect he would," said the colonel, smiling ; 
 " but you know as well as I do the band will do no 
 such thing, and: there'd be a riot if it did." 
 
 " Colonel," said the doctor, " do you write to Lord 
 Allington and tell him you will send him a written 
 undertaking from the parish priest you can put in 
 that the dispensary doctor will sign it, too, if you like 
 to the effect that the band will play ' God Save 
 the King ' in the middle of the afternoon on the day 
 of the sports, and that Lord Allington can come over 
 and hear it for himself so as to make sure that it's 
 actually done." 
 
 " I don't believe you'll work it, doctor, Thady Glynn 
 and the League boys would smash up every trumpet 
 the band possessed if you did." 
 
 " You write the letter," said the doctor, " and leave 
 the rest to me."
 
 122 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " If you do what you say," said the colonel, " I 
 should think Lord Allington would give you twenty 
 pounds with pleasure; and, what's more, I'll add two 
 pounds to my own subscription if it's only for 
 the sake of seeing the rage Thady Glynn will 
 be in." 
 
 Dr. Whitty called on Father Henaghan at once. 
 
 " I've ten pounds," he said, " ten pounds at least, 
 and maybe twenty pounds, got out of Lord Ailing- 
 ton for the town band at least I have it as good as 
 got." 
 
 " Have you, then ? I wouldn't have believed it 
 possible. You're a wonderful man, doctor." 
 
 " All he wants," said the doctor, " is a written guar- 
 antee from you and me that the band will perform 
 ' God Save the King ' on the day of the sports. He 
 says he objects to Party tunes." 
 
 " And is that what you call having the money as 
 good as got? You know as well as I do the thing 
 can't be done." 
 
 " It can. I'll get the music, and I'll teach it to the 
 band myself. I'm not what you'd call practised in 
 conducting an orchestra, but I have a middling good 
 ear, and I could manage that much. Any new in- 
 struments wanted you can get, and pay for when 
 Lord Allington's cheque comes." 
 
 " It's not the want of instruments would stop me,"
 
 "GOD SAVE THE KING" 123 
 
 said the priest. " But the people would never stand 
 it. There'd be the devil and all." 
 
 " You needn't appear in the matter," said the doc- 
 tor. " Beyond writing the letter to Lord Allington 
 you've nothing to do. If there's a row, you can pre- 
 tend to be as surprised as anyone else. But there 
 won't be a row." 
 
 " There will. There couldn't but be a row." 
 
 " There will not. There aren't ten men in Ballin- 
 tra, barring the colonel, Mr. Jackson, and the police, 
 that would know that tune from any other if they 
 heard it. Would you know it yourself now, Father 
 Henaghan? Tell the truth." 
 
 " I'm not sure that I would." 
 
 "And, if you wouldn't recognise it, how do you 
 suppose that Thady Glynn will? Thady that has no 
 more ear for music than your cow. I'll tell you what 
 I'll do. I'll drop into the hotel this evening, and I'll 
 whistle it in the hearing of Thady. I'll call his at- 
 tention to it, and I'll bet half a crown he hasn't the 
 least notion what it is." 
 
 " Try it," said the priest. " But, mind you, I'll take 
 no responsibility. If there's a row, I'll say you did 
 the whole thing unknown to me." 
 
 Dr. Whitty strolled into the hotel at ten o'clock that 
 night. There were five or six men drinking at the 
 bar, all of them, he was pleased to see, prominent
 
 124 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 poliiicians and strong allies of Thady Glynn. He 
 ordered a bottle of porter, and then, leaning against 
 the bar, whistled " God Save the King," loudly and 
 clearly. Then he drank half his porter and whistled 
 the tune through again, throwing great spirit into the 
 last few bars. 
 
 " That's a fine tune," he said when he had finished. 
 
 " It's good enough," said Thady. 
 
 " It's a tune I'm thinking of teaching the town band 
 to play the day of the sports," said the doctor. " It's 
 only the other day it was discovered, hid away in an 
 old book that was buried in a bog in the neighbour- 
 hood of the hill of Tara. It turns out to be the an- 
 cient tune that was sung by Malachi, the High King 
 of Ireland, at the time he was driving the English 
 out of the country. There's great talk about it up in 
 Dublin." 
 
 "It would be well," said Thady, "that the band 
 would learn something new. We're tired of them old 
 tunes they've been playing since the bandmaster was 
 sent away." 
 
 Dr. Whitty, in order to make sure of getting the 
 music in the most correct form possible, sent to Bel- 
 fast for it. He had to copy it all out in manuscript 
 when he got it, because the inconsiderate publisher 
 had printed " God Save the King " at the top of every 
 sheet of the score. Every sheet of Dr. Whitty's ver-
 
 "GOD SAVE THE KING" 125 
 
 sion had " The Song of King Malachi " written in 
 large letters across the top. The members of the 
 band made fair progress when the doctor took them 
 in hand. He conducted on a system of his own; 
 whistled shrilly, and flung himself into all sorts of 
 grotesque attitudes, waving his arms, clenching his 
 fists, and stamping violently with his feet. He suc- 
 ceeded in working up a most spirited performance of 
 the tune. 
 
 The day of the sports was magnificently fine. The 
 band was stationed in a prominent part of the grounds, 
 and a space close beside it was reserved for Lord 
 Allington's motor-car. Dr. Whitty asked Thady 
 Glynn to act as judge and referee in all the races, an 
 arrangement not altogether satisfactory to the com- 
 petitors, but which he hoped would keep Thady from 
 paying any attention to the band. With the same 
 object he made the secretary and treasurer of the 
 League starter and timekeeper, giving them a pistol, 
 a supply of blank cartridges, and a stop-watch. 
 
 At four o'clock Colonel Beresford arrived in his 
 dogcart. Lord Allington drove up in his motor-car 
 at half-past four, and was shepherded by Dr. Whitty 
 into the space reserved for him. He had Lady Al- 
 lington with him and two strange gentlemen. The 
 band, acting on instructions from Dr. Whitty, struck 
 up " The Minstrel Boy." This is an Irish song, but
 
 126 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 quite unobjectionable because it is not stated in 
 Moore's words what war the boy went to or on which 
 side he fought. 
 
 After " The Minstrel Boy " had been played 
 through four times Dr. Whitty spoke earnestly to 
 Flaherty, the cornet player, and to the man who man- 
 aged the big drum. Then he strolled away from the 
 band and engaged in conversation with Thady Glynn. 
 A few minutes later the band struck up " God Save 
 the King." Dr. Whitty looked round nervously. 
 Thady Glynn took no notice of the tune. Most of 
 the people seemed pleased to hear it. The reputa- 
 tion of " The Song of King Malachi " had been spread 
 beforehand by the members of the band, and there 
 was a good deal of curiosity about the remarkable 
 tune. The only thing which disquieted Dr. Whitty 
 was the behaviour of Lord Allington and his friends. 
 The whole party stood up in the motor-car, and the 
 three gentlemen took off their hats. Colonel Beres- 
 ford, who was standing beside the car, stopped talking 
 to Lady Allington and stood bareheaded. 
 
 Thady Glynn, fully occupied elsewhere, did not so 
 much as glance at Lord Allington. Father Henaghan 
 had disappeared from the seat he had occupied all 
 the afternoon. Dr. Whitty made his way rapidly 
 through the crowd towards the refreshment tent, an 
 establishment run in connection with Thady Glynn's
 
 "GOD SAVE THE KING" 
 
 hotel. The band was beginning " God Save the 
 King " for the second time when he reached it. He 
 noticed with pleasure that the starter and timekeeper 
 of the races were drinking whisky and water inside 
 the tent, apparently unconscious of the band's per- 
 formance. He ran round to the back of the tent. 
 There, he felt sure, he would find Father Henaghan. 
 He found the priest engaged in conversation with 
 Mrs. Michael Geraghty, who was feeding her seven 
 youngest children with biscuits and partially ripe 
 apples. 
 
 " Come now, Father Henaghan," he said, " it's time 
 you were going up to speak to Lord Allington to get 
 that cheque out of him." 
 
 " Will you whisht," said the priest, with a glance 
 at Mrs. Michael Geraghty. 
 
 " It's all right," said the doctor. " Mrs. Geraghty 
 has a respect for the clergy, and wouldn't repeat what 
 I'm saying to you not that it would matter if she 
 did, for we're talking no secrets." 
 
 " I'll go when the band stops playing that tune," 
 said the priest. 
 
 "If you wait till then you'll wait too long, for 
 Lord Allington will be gone, and it's ten to one you'll 
 never see that cheque. I know the ways of people of 
 his sort. They set up to be fonder of that tune than 
 of anything else in heaven or earth; but there's no
 
 128 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 surer way of getting them out of a place than to play 
 it. The minute they hear the first four notes they're 
 streaming off for the door or the gate, as the case 
 may be. What I'm wondering is that they've stood 
 it as long as they have. Come on, now." 
 
 He took the priest by the arm and led him round 
 the tent into the open. The band, very pleased with 
 its own performance, had just begun to play the tune 
 for the sixth time. Lord Allington was still standing 
 bareheaded, but he was looking puzzled and a little an- 
 noyed. " God Save the King " is an excellent tune, 
 but it is possible, even for an Irish peer, to get too 
 much of it. There was not, so far as he could see, 
 any sign of exhaustion about the band. Lady Al- 
 lington, excusing herself on the ground of delicate 
 health, sat down at the end of the fourth repetition of 
 the tune. 
 
 " Go on now, Father Henaghan," said Dr. Whitty, 
 pushing the priest towards the motor-car. 
 
 Lord Allington turned round. 
 
 " Ah," he said, " Father Henaghan, isn't it ? I'm 
 delighted to see you. Would you mind telling the 
 band to stop playing for a moment? I can hardly 
 hear myself speak." 
 
 Father Henaghan tapped the cornet player on the 
 shoulder and gave his order. The music stopped
 
 "GOD SAVE THE KING" 129 
 
 abruptly in the middle of a bar. Lord Allington, with 
 a sigh of relief, sat down and put on his hat. 
 
 " That's a capital band of yours," he said. " I 
 don't know when I heard a better. All native talent, 
 eh? That's right. Keep the young men out of mis- 
 chief. By the way, I understand from my friend, 
 Colonel Beresford, that it's dependent entirely on pri- 
 vate contributions for its support. I shall have the 
 greatest pleasure in sending you a cheque for fifteen 
 guineas to-night when I go home. That will see you 
 out of your difficulties, I hope. And you can count 
 on me for the future for an annual five guineas. But 
 no Party tunes now, remember that." 
 
 Father Henaghan bowed his thanks. Lord Alling- 
 ton, after a whisper from his wife, gave a signal to 
 the chauffeur and drove off the ground. 
 
 Two days afterwards Dr. Whitty met Colonel 
 Beresford in the street. 
 
 " Come into my house for two minutes, colonel," 
 he said ; " I've something to show you." 
 
 " Look here," he said, taking a letter from his desk, 
 " read that " : 
 
 " The Committee of the League (Ballintra Branch) 
 having had under consideration at a special meeting 
 the conduct of Dr. Whitty, Medical Officer of the 
 Union, with reference to the band on the occasion of
 
 ISO THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 the recent Regatta and Athletic Sports, hereby allow 
 Dr. Whitty an opportunity of defending himself at 
 8.15 sharp in the League rooms to-morrow evening. 
 Signed, on behalf of the Committee, 
 
 " THADDEUS GLYNN, President." 
 
 " What do you think of that now ? " said the doc- 
 tor. 
 
 " It's it's the only words that seem to fit it at 
 all are blasted insolence; but, of course, you'll take 
 no notice of it." 
 
 " Oh yes, I shall. I'll make that League sit up. I 
 shall have a glorious time with them if only they're 
 sober enough to take in what I say." 
 
 " You'd better get Father Henaghan to quiet them," 
 said the colonel. 
 
 " Not at all. I'm not going to hide behind the 
 priest. I mean to see the thing through myself." 
 
 At the hour affixed for the trial Dr. Whitty stepped 
 jauntily into the League rooms. He was received 
 in gloomy silence, broken only by an order from Thady 
 Glynn to stand at the end of the table. The doctor 
 took a vacant chair and sat down. Thady Glynn 
 scowled at him. Dr. Whitty smiled pleasantly by way 
 of reply. 
 
 "Dr. Whitty," said Thady solemnly, "it has been 
 reported to us that on the occasion of the recent 
 sports, held in this town, you instigated the band to
 
 "GOD SAVE THE KING" 131 
 
 play a tune that can only be regarded as a deliberate 
 insult to the Irish people. What have you to say for 
 yourself?" 
 
 " What tune ? " asked the doctor. 
 
 "I won't lower myself by naming it," said Thady; 
 " but it was a tune that's seldom heard in this coun- 
 try outside of a music hall." 
 
 " If you mean the ancient ' Song of King Mala- 
 chi,' " said the doctor, " I quite admit it's not often 
 heard, but the reason of that is that it has only re- 
 cently been discovered, as I told you and the rest of 
 these gentlemen the night I first whistled it to you. 
 If you had any objection to it you should have said 
 so then." 
 
 " King Malachi be damned," said Thady Glynn. 
 
 " If you're prepared to let your temper run away 
 with you," said the doctor, " to the extent of cursing 
 one of the greatest heroes of ancient Ireland, of 
 course I can't stop you. All I can do is to tell you 
 that, if I repeat that last remark of yours outside 
 this room, you'll never be able to hold up your head 
 as a Nationalist again." 
 
 " Damn you and King Malachi both," said Thady 
 Glynn. 
 
 " Very well," said the doctor, " if you're so drunk 
 as to say a thing like that twice, there's no use my 
 talking to you. Good night."
 
 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " Wait a minute/' said Thady, " you'll not get off 
 so easy as all that. We know well enough what the 
 tune was, and we know why you had it played. You 
 thought you'd make up to the colonel and Lord All- 
 ington by heaping insults on the people of this coun- 
 try. That's what you thought. But I may tell you 
 it won't do. It's us and not them that's paying you 
 your salary. It's us and not them that's putting the 
 bread and butter in your mouth, and I tell you it 
 won't do. The tune you were the means of intro- 
 ducing into our midst is a tune that's well known. 
 It's a Party tune, and we won't have it." 
 
 " What do you mean to do ? " said the doctor. 
 
 " We've settled on a decision before you came in," 
 said Thady, " and it's this : that if you don't offer an 
 apology to the people of this neighbourhood, it'll be 
 the worse for you." 
 
 " Listen to me now," said the doctor. " As a mat- 
 ter of fact, that tune was played over seven times and 
 a half on the ground the other day, and not a single 
 one of you cared a hang. The man that asked to 
 have it stopped was Lord Allington. If it was the 
 tune you think it was, would he have had it stopped? 
 He would not. He'd have kept the band playing on 
 at it the whole afternoon." 
 
 " It's a damned insult " began Thady Glynn.
 
 "GOD SAVE THE KING" 133 
 
 " Listen to me," said the doctor, " and don't in- 
 terrupt. If you had as much real principle about 
 you, Nationalist or any other kind, as would make 
 a supper for a snipe, I'd have some pity for you. 
 But you're the sort of man, Thady, that would sell 
 his mother for the price of a pint of porter. I've 
 let you down easy in the past, not telling the things 
 I know about you; but if there's another word out 
 of your head, I'll tell every man and woman in the 
 place the dirty trick you tried to play on poor Michael 
 Geraghty the time inspector was down to give him 
 the money for the pier ; and, if that isn't enough, I'll 
 buy a gramophone and set it playing the tune you 
 don't like day and night outside the door of your 
 beastly public-house, and, whenever it stops, I'll pay 
 a boy to go and wind it up; and, what's more, the 
 next time you're sick and that won't be long if 
 you go on drinking the way you do at present 
 I'll give you some medicine that'll twist you round 
 and round the same way as your wife wrings out 
 the clothes when she has them washed, and tie you 
 up in knots, and, what's more, will turn you bright 
 green from head to foot afterwards, so that your own 
 children won't know you when they meet you in 
 the street. After that, if there's any more fight left 
 in you, I'll give word to the police about the Sunday
 
 134 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 drinking that goes on in your house, and I'll have 
 your licence taken away from you. And if that's 
 not enough " 
 
 Apparently it was enough. Thady Glynn was 
 cowed by the extraordinary versatility of the doc- 
 tor's threats. He waved his hand feebly towards the 
 door. Dr. Whitty, after a cheerful good night to 
 the other members of the committee, went home.
 
 VII 
 
 HYGIENIC AND SCIENTIFIC APPARATUS 
 
 TT was a hot day in June, and Dr. Whitty, not very 
 A busy at that season of the year, was sitting in his 
 dining-room smoking. Michael Geraghty put his 
 head in through the window. 
 
 "Are you there, doctor?" 
 
 " I am," said the doctor ; " can't you see me ? " 
 
 " It's what I have a letter for you. Jamesy Casey, 
 the postboy, gave it to me, knowing I was coming up 
 this way, seeing that it had ' immediate ' written on 
 the outside of it." 
 
 The doctor looked at the letter. 
 
 " It's from my Aunt Eliza," he said. " But what 
 the dickens she can possibly have to say to me in a 
 hurry is more than I can tell you, Michael. It's not 
 once in six months she writes to me, and then it's 
 only to get a prescription out of me that she might 
 as well ask her own doctor for, only that she grudges 
 the poor man what she'd have to pay him." 
 
 " Maybe it's took sick sudden she is this time," 
 said Michael, " and wanting to get what would do 
 her good in a hurry." 
 
 135
 
 136 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " She's never sick," said the doctor. " What medi- 
 cine she uses is for her family. I never recollect her 
 having anything the matter with her." 
 
 " If it isn't that," said Michael, " I don't know 
 what it would be; but, sure, if you opened the letter 
 you'd find out." 
 
 The suggestion was reasonable. Michael Geraghty, 
 his curiosity aroused, remained with his head pushed 
 through the window. 
 
 "'DEAR GEORGIE,' " read the doctor ("she's 
 the only person in the world that ever calls me that ") 
 " ' I write in great trouble to inform you that your 
 Cousin Annie has contracted a matrimonial engage- 
 ment ' 
 
 Look here, Michael, this letter seems likely to be of a 
 confidential kind. Perhaps you'd excuse my not 
 reading the rest of it out loud." 
 
 Michael Geraghty, a man of tact and delicate feel- 
 ing, retired at once. Dr. Whitty went on with the 
 letter : 
 
 " ' A matrimonial engagement of a most unde- 
 sirable kind to a young man who has little or nothing 
 to live on; and, so far as I can make out, never will. 
 His name is against him, for one thing. How can 
 you expect anybody called Augustus Jetty to make 
 his way in the world? But, as your poor uncle said 
 when he heard of it, we've got to make the best of 
 it. Your cousin won't listen to advice either from
 
 HYGIENIC APPARATUS 137 
 
 her father or me. After a great deal of trouble, your 
 poor uncle has got a situation of a sort for the young 
 man, and we're relying on you to give him what help 
 you can. He's employed on commission, they call it 
 I don't understand business very well to travel 
 for the Hygienic and Scientific Apparatus Company. 
 As well as I can make out, he's got to try and sell 
 some kind of surgical instruments, and it'll depend 
 largely on the kind of support he gets from the doc- 
 tors whether he makes anything or not. We are 
 sending him down to Ballintra to make a start, and 
 we're all relying on you to do the best you possibly 
 can for him. Annie encloses a note from herself, but 
 I dare say there's nothing in it except foolishness. 
 " ' Your affectionate aunt, ELIZA/ " 
 
 Annie's letter was much longer than her mother's. 
 She wrote with considerable enthusiasm about the 
 personal charm, moral superiority, intellectual force, 
 and general desirableness of Augustus Jetty, and 
 ended her letter with a formal threat 
 
 " And now, George, if you don't do your best for 
 Augustus and sell a lot of his things to all your 
 patients, I'll never speak to you again as long as I 
 live, and you wouldn't like that. Father and mother 
 are perfectly horrid, so we've nobody to help us ex- 
 cept you." 
 
 Hard upon the letter Augustus himself arrived.
 
 138 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 His appearance was not attractive. He was under- 
 sized, pallid, very thin, and seemed to be rapidly grow- 
 ing bald. His eyes were narrow, and of a watery 
 green colour. Dr. Whitty, who had a liking for his 
 Cousin Annie, received him hospitably, and offered 
 him a cigar. 
 
 " No, thank you," said Augustus, " I never smoke. 
 The fact is, my heart is a little weak, and I fear the 
 effects of tobacco, which, as you know, is a stimu- 
 lant." 
 
 " I suppose, then, you wouldn't care for some 
 whisky." 
 
 "No," said Augustus. "That's a stimulant, too; 
 moreover, I have the strongest possible conscientious 
 objection to the use of alcohol." 
 
 Dr. Whitty swallowed a mild oath, but, still recol- 
 lecting Annie's pretty face, spoke politely to Au- 
 gustus : 
 
 " Is there anything you would care for? " 
 
 " Thank you," said Augustus, " if you have such 
 a thing as a banana in the house, I will take it gladly." 
 
 " I have not a banana, and, what's more, I don't 
 believe there's one in the town of Ballintra; so, if 
 that's the only form of food you consume, I'm afraid 
 you're likely to go hungry till you leave this." 
 
 Augustus sighed heavily.
 
 HYGIENIC APPARATUS 139 
 
 " What about your surgical instruments ? " said the 
 doctor. " Have you brought any specimens with 
 you? I could do very well with a new hypodermic 
 syringe. I broke the needle of my old one last week, 
 and the thing was pretty near worn out any way." 
 
 Augustus smiled in a feeble, vacuous way. He pro- 
 duced from his pocket a list, which he handed to Dr. 
 Whitty : 
 
 " These are the articles our firm manufactures." 
 
 Dr. Whitty read the list through aloud: 
 
 " Portable Turkish Baths, 305. 6d. ; superior 
 Quality, Oak, 493. 6d. 
 
 " Home Exercisers, 173. 6d. ; with Patent 
 Springs and Pearl Grips, 253. 
 
 " Electric Belts, 12s. 6d. ; Full Strength of Cur- 
 rent, 155. 
 
 " Electric Indiarubber Flesh Massage Brushes, 
 7s. 6d. each. 
 
 " Photographic Cameras, Quarter-plate, Guar- 
 anteed, 2, los. to 4." 
 
 " Now, how the devil," asked Dr. Whitty, " do you 
 expect to sell any of those things in a place like this? 
 There isn't a man, woman, or child in the district 
 would take a present of the whole lot of them, or 
 know what to do with them if you laid them out on 
 the mat outside their bedroom doors." 
 
 " Annie told me," said Augustus feebly, " you'd be
 
 140 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 sure to be able to help me by recommending them to 
 your patients." 
 
 " Well, I'll tell you what I'll do for you. I'll buy 
 a camera myself at 3. I don't want it in the least, 
 and am simply taking it out of affection for my 
 Cousin Annie." 
 
 Augustus Jetty seemed disappointed. 
 
 " Annie told me," he said, " that you'd be sure to 
 give me a letter of recommendation to all your prin- 
 cipal patients." 
 
 Dr. Whitty thought the matter over, and remem- 
 bered the threat at the end of Annie's letter before 
 replying : 
 
 "As a rule, I don't do this kind of thing; but in 
 this particular case I've no objection to your stick- 
 ing Thady Glynn with a portable Turkish bath, if 
 you can. He's away from home to-day at a fair; so 
 I'll give you a letter to Mrs. Glynn, telling her that 
 a portable Turkish bath is the exact thing her hus- 
 band really wants. If you have the nerve to rush 
 her into buying one before Thady gets back, I'll take 
 all the blame afterwards. I've had it in for Thady 
 Glynn ever since the time he went for me about the 
 band at the Sports, and I don't in the least mind help- 
 ing you to swindle him out of thirty bob." 
 
 " What about the other things ? " persisted Augus- 
 tus. " Isn't there anybody who would buy a home
 
 HYGIENIC APPARATUS 141 
 
 exerciser? I'm in a position to offer you a commis- 
 sion of 10 per cent, on anything I sell through your 
 recommendation." 
 
 " If you like to try the colonel with a home exer- 
 ciser you can. I'll give you his address. He's a 
 well-off man who wouldn't feel the 175. 6d. The 10 
 per cent., which would come to something with a 
 halfpenny in it, as well as I can make out, you can 
 keep to buy furniture when you set up house with 
 Annie. While you're at it, you may as well call on 
 Father Henaghan and see if he'd take an electric belt. 
 He might fancy it, and I don't suppose it can do him 
 any harm. In any case, I'll call round to-morrow 
 and warn him not to use it. The only other people 
 who could possibly buy anything are the Jacksons, 
 and I wouldn't like to stick them for more than a mas- 
 sage brush. They have a large family." 
 
 Augustus made a careful list of the names and ad- 
 dresses and went out, promising to be back in time 
 for dinner. 
 
 To the doctor's great surprise he returned abso- 
 lutely jubilant; he had sold all four articles, delivered 
 them to their purchasers, and received cash payment. 
 He offered to make out the amount of Dr. Whitty's 
 percentage, but seemed pleased when the whole sum 
 was made over to him as a wedding present. He sat 
 down and watched the doctor eat his dinner. As
 
 142 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 there were no bananas or nuts, he himself ate nothing 
 but two slices of very hard toast, which the house- 
 keeper cooked under protest. Next morning he left 
 Ballintra. 
 
 Dr. Whitty wrote a letter to his aunt: 
 
 " MY DEAR AUNT ELIZA, I have seen Augustus, 
 and feel extremely sorry for Annie! I have sold a 
 specimen of each kind of hygienic and scientific ap- 
 paratus to the principal inhabitants of this town, and 
 am looking forward with anxiety to the kind of row 
 there'll be to-morrow. Whatever happens, don't send 
 Augustus here again, unless you want to get rid of 
 him permanently. The people here are peaceful, and 
 have a great regard for me; but they will probably 
 shoot him at sight if he appears among them again. 
 -Give my love to Annie and tell her to try her young 
 man with a steak and a bottle of porter. He wants 
 fattening up, otherwise he seems all right, and ought to 
 succeed in life, if persistence will help him. Send me 
 a bit of wedding cake when the affair culminates, and 
 believe me your affectionate nephew, 
 
 " GEORGE WHITTY." 
 
 There was, as the doctor anticipated, a row, or 
 rather four separate rows, next day. The trouble 
 began quite early with a visit from Mrs. Thady 
 Glynn : 
 
 " Doctor," she said, " himself is mighty queer this 
 morning, and I'd be thankful to you if you'd give 
 me some kind of a bottle that would do him good."
 
 HYGIENIC APPARATUS 143 
 
 " I'll come down and have a look at him at once." 
 
 " It'd be better for you not. His temper is that 
 riz, he might be for taking a knife to you. It's all 
 along of that portable Turkish bath you sent down to 
 him yesterday." 
 
 " If he's fit to take the knife to me," said the doc- 
 tor, " there can't be much the matter with him except 
 temper." 
 
 " There is, then. It would make you cry, if so be 
 it didn't make you laugh, to see the state it has him 
 in. Nothing would do him this morning but to have 
 a try at it. He sat in it for the best part of half an 
 hour, and the perspiration was running down off his 
 face before he was out. When he did get out, you'll 
 hardly believe me, but it had him turned black from 
 his chin to his feet, every inch of him barring his 
 head, which didn't be in the inside of the bath at all." 
 
 " Nonsense," said Dr. Whitty, " it can't possibly 
 have turned him black. Why should it? I expect 
 the black was in him before he got in, and the thing 
 hadn't time to do more than bring it to the surface. 
 If he'd stayed where he was for another half-hour it 
 would have all peeled off." 
 
 " He does say," continued Mrs. Glynn, " that you've 
 had it in for him this long time, and that you said 
 you'd turn him blue the way he angered you over the 
 tune the band played the day of the Sports."
 
 144 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " Look here, what did you fill the lamp with ? " 
 
 "The lamp is it?" 
 
 " Yes. The lamp you put in under him." 
 
 " It did say on the paper," said Mrs. Glynn, " that 
 it was methylated spirits had a right to be put in, 
 but we'd run out of them on account of the way 
 Lizzie does be taking them out of the shop for curling 
 her hair, and I thought a drop of paraffin oil would 
 do as well." 
 
 " That's it," said the doctor. " It's lamp-black 
 that's the matter with the man. Go home and tell 
 him to take an ordinary bath with a jampot full of 
 soft soap beside him. That'll make him all right at 
 the end of ten minutes." 
 
 " It's what I told him myself. But where was the 
 use of my talking? He said he'd be in dread of any 
 kind of a bath after what that one did to him. He 
 said with the way you were treating him it would 
 be hard to say what colour he'd come out next time, 
 and he'd rather be black itself than either red or 
 blue." 
 
 " All right," said the doctor, " if he won't take a 
 bath he'll have to go about the way he is for a day 
 or two. It'll rub off on his clothes by degrees. But, 
 if I were you, I wouldn't give him clean sheets to 
 sleep in till he's got rid of the worst of it." 
 
 "He did say that"
 
 HYGIENIC APPARATUS 145 
 
 " Hurry up, Mrs. Glynn, I see Father Henaghan's 
 housekeeper and another woman waiting in the hall 
 to speak to me." 
 
 "He did say that if you'd take it off him" 
 
 " Well, I won't. I've more to do than spend my 
 time scrubbing your husband with a nail-brush." 
 
 " It was the curse he meant," said Mrs. Glynn. 
 
 "Curse? I'll put a curse on you that you won't 
 forget as long as you live, unless you get out of this 
 pretty quick. I can't spend the day listening to your 
 foolishness. I'm afraid of my life this minute of 
 what Father Henaghan's housekeeper may have come 
 to tell me, and I'm nearly sure the other woman is 
 the Jacksons' servant." 
 
 Father Henaghan, it appeared, was in serious dif- 
 ficulties, if not in actual pain. The whole surface 
 of that part of his body covered by the electric belt 
 had come out in small white blisters. He could 
 neither lie down, nor stand up to put on his clothes, 
 on account of the pain given by the blisters when 
 anything touched them. He wanted the doctor to 
 go down to him. Dr. Whitty started at once, only 
 waiting long enough to hear that Mrs. Jackson's 
 youngest boy had developed an extraordinary series 
 of red blotches on his back, and that the rector's left 
 leg had been afflicted in a similar way. They had 
 both, he was told, used the electric indiarubber flesh
 
 146 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 massage brush he had recommended. It took him 
 some time to soothe the physical sufferings and the 
 mental irritation of the clergy. 
 
 When he got home he found another letter, marked 
 this time in red ink : " Immediate. In Great Haste." 
 
 " It's Aunt Eliza again," he muttered. " I hope to 
 goodness the second girl hasn't got engaged to be 
 married to another commercial traveller. If she has, 
 she may starve before I sell any of his infernal ap- 
 pliances for him." 
 
 The news Aunt Eliza's letter contained was of quite 
 a different kind: 
 
 " Your Cousin Annie has changed her mind about 
 Augustus Jetty, and I hope this will reach you in 
 time to prevent your selling any of his appliances for 
 him. She has found out he is a vegetarian, and has 
 all sorts of queer notions about his own health. A 
 girl he was engaged to before he met Annie has told 
 her about him. Now, whether it's the thought of the 
 things he eats or the feeling that he used to be after 
 the other girl, I don't know ; anyway, she says she'd 
 be glad to get out of her engagement. The worst of 
 it is that the other girl tells us he's a very hard young 
 man to get rid of, and that, now he has Annie prom- 
 ised to him, it's likely he'll stick to her. Annie says 
 that, if he does, she'll marry him if it breaks her 
 heart, rather than go back on her word, for she thinks 
 he's really fond of her, though that's nonsense, of
 
 HYGIENIC APPARATUS 147 
 
 course. You may be able to help us. If he can't 
 sell any of the appliances he may be willing to give 
 up Annie. That's the only hope I see of getting out 
 of the engagement ; so, whatever happens, don't let 
 him sell anything in Ballintra." 
 
 Dr. Whitty was still considering what answer he 
 ought to give to this letter when Colonel Beresford 
 appeared. 
 
 " I'd be very much obliged to you, doctor, if you 
 could find it convenient to come up to my house and 
 take away that home exerciser I bought from your 
 friend yesterday." 
 
 " Surely to goodness," said the doctor, " you 
 weren't such a fool as to go using a thing of the 
 sort?" 
 
 " Of course I didn't use it. Is it likely, at my 
 time of life, I'd go tangling myself up with a lot of 
 pulleys and cords? No! What I did was to have 
 it fixed up in the servants' hall. Then I told Jacobs, 
 my man, that he and the cook could take it in turns 
 to work the thing when they'd nothing particular to 
 do. Jacobs has been looking flabby for a long time, 
 and the cook is getting unwieldy with fat. I thought 
 the home exerciser would do them both good." 
 
 " So it ought," said the doctor. " I should say 
 myself it'd be the very thing for Jacobs." 
 
 " Well, it didn't seem to suit him. I gave him the
 
 148 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 papers of ' Directions for Use,' and told him to try 
 it very gently at the first go-off, until he felt he'd got 
 the hang of it properly. I don't know what the fool 
 did, but, anyhow, there's been an accident: Jacobs 
 has a black eye and won't be fit to appear in the din- 
 ing-room for the next week. The cook's given no- 
 tice." 
 
 " I don't see what can possibly have gone wrong," 
 said the doctor, " unless you bought the twenty-five 
 shilling sort, with the patent springs. You can't trust 
 a patent spring." 
 
 " It was that one I did buy," said the colonel. " I 
 thought, from the way you wrote, the man was a 
 friend of yours, and I'd do the best I could for him " 
 
 " I suppose," said the doctor, " the patent spring 
 exploded in some way." 
 
 " What the cook says is that, all of a sudden, there 
 was a kind of noise : ' the like of what one of them 
 motor-cars would make when it was starting, and a 
 clucking hen along with that,' and that then ' the two 
 handles of the thing came woffling off ' and struck 
 poor Jacobs in the eye, I suppose." 
 
 "And what do you want me to do? If Jacobs 
 puts a lump of raw meat to his eye it's the only thing 
 that can be done for it." 
 
 " I want you to come up and unscrew the thing
 
 HYGIENIC APPARATUS 149 
 
 off the wall and take it away. I'll get no peace till 
 it's out of the house." 
 
 "Can't Jacobs do that?" 
 
 " Jacobs won't. He says he wouldn't touch it 
 again for fifty pounds. And the cook won't, and 
 she won't let the groom into the kitchen for fear 
 he'd lose his life over it. She seems to have a strong 
 personal regard for the groom. I asked the under- 
 housemaid, who is the only sensible person left about 
 the place, if she'd have a go at it. I lent her a screw- 
 driver, and I believe the poor girl tried, but " 
 
 " The cook didn't mind about her losing her life, 
 I suppose ? " 
 
 " She didn't seem to. But, anyhow, the girl failed 
 to get it unscrewed." 
 
 " I expect she tried to twist the screws the wrong 
 way," said the doctor. " I never met a woman in 
 my life that could remember which way a screw 
 turns." 
 
 " I dare say. At all events, there's nothing for i 
 now but for you to come." 
 
 "Couldn't you do it yourself?" 
 
 " No. I daren't venture downstairs on account of 
 the temper the cook's in. In fact, my plan was to 
 wait here until you came back and brought the ex- 
 erciser with you."
 
 150 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 "Well, I can't go yet," said the doctor. "I'm 
 frightfully busy at present. Father Henaghan's stom- 
 ach is covered all over with white blisters, and the 
 rector's leg has a red blotch upon it the size of a 
 porter bottle, and to-morrow's Sunday. If I don't 
 get those two reverend gentlemen straightened out in 
 the course of the afternoon there won't be a religious 
 service of any sort in the town to-morrow ; and, on 
 top of that, Thady Glynn has come out black from 
 head to foot, and can't be induced to take a bath." 
 
 " If you're going to wash Thady Glynn," said the 
 colonel, " until he's clean, I'm hardly likely to see you 
 up at Ballintra House before Monday, and the dear 
 knows what state the servants will be in by that time." 
 
 " Well," said the doctor, " rather than see you ab- 
 solutely stuck I'll go with you. But you'll have to 
 wait a minute till I write a telegram." 
 
 It was to his Aunt Eliza that Dr. Whitty sent his 
 message : 
 
 " Strongly recommend Annie to insure the life of 
 Augustus Jetty, marry him, and then insist on his 
 using all his own hygienic and scientific appliances. 
 She'll be a widow in a week."
 
 VIII 
 LAW AND ORDER, AND THE CAMERA 
 
 TT is popularly supposed that all Irishmen take a 
 natural delight in politics and prefer public meet- 
 ings to every other form of amusement. This is 
 quite a mistake. It is like the corresponding theory, 
 held generally in England, that the Irish prefer po- 
 tatoes to any other food and take a pleasure in sub- 
 mitting to the guidance of priests. They used to live 
 on potatoes ; but it was only because they could get 
 little else. They still, sometimes, respect priests be- 
 cause nobody else in Ireland asks for respect, and 
 men must look up to somebody. They do not really 
 care much for politics, but are driven to them as 
 theatre-goers in provincial towns are at certain 
 seasons of the year forced to go to pantomimes, be- 
 cause no other form of entertainment is offered to 
 them. 
 
 Dr. Whitty, for instance, had not the smallest taste 
 for politics. The speeches of Members of Parliament 
 bored him, and he had a definite feeling of hostility 
 towards the League, chiefly because the principal 
 Leaguer in the neighbourhood was Thady Glynn.
 
 152 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 Yet Dr. Whitty once in his life took an active part 
 in a political demonstration; and his action, though 
 not gratifying to either of the contending parties, was 
 on the whole beneficial. He himself claimed that he 
 had, at a very critical moment, restored law and or- 
 der when there was serious danger of a riot. 
 
 Shortly after the visit of Augustus Jetty to Ballin- 
 tra, while the camera he had bought from that un- 
 fortunate young man was still a new toy to Dr. 
 Whitty, politics became unusually interesting on 
 Colonel Beresford's estate. A certain widow, Mrs. 
 Canavan by name, was evicted from a farm for which 
 she had paid no rent for seven years. By way of 
 making things as pleasant as possible for Mrs. Cana- 
 van, her nephew, Peter Canavan, was given the farm 
 on the understanding that he would allow his aunt 
 to live with him. Peter agreed to this; but, as it 
 appeared afterwards, Peter's wife did not. She was 
 a young woman with seven babies and she thought 
 there was not room in the house for Peter's aunt. 
 Old Mrs. Canavan spoke her mind freely to Peter 
 and there was a good deal of unpleasantness in the 
 family circle. Peter, quite naturally, took to spend- 
 ing most of his time in town and found himself more 
 comfortable in a public-house than at home. It was 
 not Thady Glynn's public-house which he frequented, 
 unfortunately for himself. The quarrel between the
 
 LAW AND ORDER, AND THE CAMERA 153 
 
 elder and the younger Mrs. Canavan grew acute, and 
 Dr. Whitty was sent for to minister to a black eye 
 inflicted on Peter's wife. Being at the time very 
 much interested in his camera he photographed young 
 Mrs. Canavan while her eye was at its worst. This 
 was the beginning of the fine collection of political 
 pictures which he made before the Canavan case 
 was finally settled. 
 
 After being summoned for assaulting her niece, old 
 Mrs. Canavan, the Widow Canavan as she was gen- 
 erally called, declined to return to her nephew's 
 house. She took lodgings in town and denounced 
 Peter as a " land-grabber " of the worst order. 
 Thady Glynn took up her case warmly. Several 
 strong resolutions were passed about Peter; and Dr. 
 Whitty, recognising that he was becoming a public 
 man, photographed him. He also secured a snap- 
 shot of the Widow Canavan. Peter did not seem to 
 object to the resolutions in the least ; so his aunt went 
 out one night and broke down a wall on the farm, 
 so that a calf was able to stray into a potato-field 
 and do a great deal of damage. For this she was 
 brought before the magistrates and sent to jail for a 
 week. Dr. Whitty photographed her between two 
 policemen, and afterwards photographed the wall. It 
 had been built up again, but Peter obligingly made a 
 fresh breach in it and posed the calf for Dr. Whitty.
 
 154 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 The picture was most realistic and very interesting. 
 A Dublin paper paid half a crown for the use of the 
 negative. 
 
 While the Widow Canavan was in prison some 
 members of the League, incited, it was believed, by 
 Thady Glynn, went out to the farm and dug a grave 
 opposite the front door of Peter's house. Peter said 
 that he did not object to the grave in the least ; but he 
 spent more of his time than ever in the town. If, 
 even at this stage of the proceedings, he had had the 
 sense to buy his whisky from Thady Glynn all might 
 have gone well with him. Unfortunately he preferred 
 another public-house whose landlord was not an in- 
 fluential man. Dr. Wbitty photographed the grave, 
 but the picture was not a success. The hole, hur- 
 riedly dug in the dead of night, did not look like a 
 grave. When photographed it did not even appear 
 to be a hole. Dr. Whitty called on Thady Glynn and 
 proposed that the League should, in the interests 
 of art, erect a tombstone beside the grave. Thady, 
 who did not care about photography, said it would be 
 time enough to do that when Peter was in the grave. 
 
 The Widow Canavan came out of prison in a very 
 bad temper and full of a desire to take revenge on 
 Peter. She lay in wait for the two eldest Canavan 
 children and threw stones at them as they returned 
 from school. She did not hit them but Peter, who
 
 LAW AND ORDER, AND THE CAMERA 155 
 
 was getting irritated, took out a summons against her. 
 She went to jail for another week. The constable 
 who took charge of her, a young man fresh from the 
 depot, said that her language made him break out 
 into a cold sweat. Dr. Whitty photographed that 
 constable and added the picture to his collection. It 
 was Colonel Beresford who suggested this picture. 
 He said that the man was a curiosity, and that his 
 features ought to be preserved for posterity before 
 his innocence faded away. 
 
 The case began to excite a good deal of interest in 
 the locality, and a subscription was got up for the 
 benefit of the Widow Canavan. Peter, very gener- 
 ously, offered to contribute a shilling; but the League 
 refused to receive the money. Thady Glynn said 
 that Peter's only proper course was to give up the 
 farm, and that a shilling was worse than useless 
 while he continued to hold the land. Dr. Whitty 
 photographed the shilling, having obtained it from the 
 till of the public-house which Peter frequented. The 
 publican said he could take his oath to its being the 
 right shilling, because he felt pretty certain at the 
 time that Peter handed it to him that it was a bad 
 one. He had not, he said, liked to refuse it, because 
 Peter was a good customer, and in trouble at the 
 time. 
 
 When the Widow Canavan got out of prison for
 
 156 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 the second time she was met by a deputation of the 
 League. Thady Glynn handed her the sum which 
 had been collected, 175. Qd., and told her the story 
 of Peter's shilling. Any feeling of affection which 
 she may still have entertained for the nephew disap- 
 peared when she heard about the shilling. She said 
 publicly that from that day forward she refused to 
 recognise any relationship between herself and Peter. 
 She also felt that she owed the League some return 
 for the money which had been given her. She 
 watched for her opportunity, and got it one evening 
 when Peter lay inoffensively drunk and quite helpless 
 on the side of the road, half-way between the town 
 and his home. She stuck a two-pronged table fork 
 into the calf of his leg. Peter's wife, when she dis- 
 covered what had been done to her husband, sent for 
 Dr. Whitty. The fork had been extracted before he 
 reached the house, but he offered Peter half a crown 
 to allow him to stick it in again so as to obtain a 
 really interesting photograph. Peter stood out for 55., 
 and a bargain was struck in the end at 35. 6d. Un- 
 fortunately Mrs. Canavan objected. Dr. Whitty 
 reasoned with her, pointing out that he meant to stick 
 the fork into precisely the same holes that it was in 
 before, and that Peter's leg would not be any worse 
 than it was. She still objected. When he offered, 
 in addition to the 35. 6d., to let her baby off without be-
 
 LAW AND ORDER, AND THE CAMERA 157 
 
 ing vaccinated, she hesitated for a minute. Dr. 
 Whitty pointed out, speaking as persuasively as he 
 could, that there were two holes in Peter's leg in 
 any case; whereas, if he escaped vaccination, there 
 was no reason why there should ever be a hole in her 
 baby's arm. Mrs. Canavan listened to him, but in 
 the end she sacrificed the baby. Dr. Whitty was 
 obliged to be content with a photograph in which the 
 fork appeared lying on a chair close to Peter's leg. 
 Events for the Widow Canavan seemed likely to 
 take their usual course. She was commanded, under 
 certain frightful penalties, to appear before the mag- 
 istrates in the Petty Sessions Court. No doubt she 
 would have been quietly and unobtrusively condemned 
 to another period of imprisonment if circumstances 
 had not combined to make her case notorious. The 
 publication of Dr. Whitty's leg-and-fork photograph 
 excited a good deal of public attention. The Govern- 
 ment then in power, being anxious to do something 
 unpopular with regard to China, found it necessary 
 in the first instance to pacify certain powerful people 
 by establishing a reign of Law and Order in Ireland. 
 It was a thoroughly well-intentioned and benevolent 
 Government, which did not wish to annoy anyone un- 
 necessarily. The Widow Canavan, however, seemed 
 to it to be just the sort of person who might be used 
 for great ends without injustice of any sort. The
 
 158 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 .fact that she would be vigorously dealt with was 
 rather ostentatiously advertised, and two Resident 
 Magistrates were told off to try her case. On the 
 other hand, the League, goaded on by Thady Glynn, 
 saw in the Widow Canavan the makings of a striking 
 victim of landlord tyranny. A Dublin barrister of 
 great eloquence was engaged, at a fee, it was under- 
 stood, of forty pounds, his travelling expenses, and 
 his luncheon in Thady Glynn's hotel, to prove that 
 the sticking of the fork into Peter's leg was an act 
 of patriotic virtue which deserved a reward, and not 
 a punishment. A Member of Parliament noted for 
 his skill in breezy invective promised to supplement 
 the barrister's oration with a speech to the general 
 public outside the Court House. 
 
 The widow's fate was, of course, decided before- 
 hand. The Resident Magistrates were quite ready to 
 listen to the barrister, and anticipated an agreeable 
 entertainment ; but they were not the men to be moved 
 by anything which could possibly be said to them in 
 Court. Nobody expected that their judgment would 
 be altered by so much as a day's imprisonment as a 
 result of the barrister's speech. Allowing him an 
 hour in which to make his speech, they ordered a 
 brake to be at the door of the Court House at one 
 o'clock, to convey the Widow Canavan to the County 
 Jail. The only item in the programme which gave
 
 LAW AND ORDER, AND THE CAMERA 159 
 
 rise to any speculation was the speech of the Mem- 
 ber of Parliament. It was possible that he might so 
 far work upon the feelings of the people who heard 
 him that the people would feel obliged to attack them 
 with batons. 
 
 Thady Glynn, hoping for the best, arranged that 
 there should be a large number of people to listen to 
 the Alember of Parliament. The Government, also 
 hoping for the best, arranged that there should be a 
 considerable force of police outside the Court House 
 ready to attack the people. Dr. Whitty, who, like 
 Thady Glynn and the Government, had hopes, ar- 
 ranged to take a photograph of the baton charge if 
 it came off. He obtained a supply of highly sensitive 
 plates guaranteed to record satisfactory impressions 
 with the shortest possible exposure. Fortune fa- 
 voured him. The day was remarkably fine and the 
 light was good. With the help of Michael Geraghty, 
 who supplied some planks and low trestles, he ar- 
 ranged his camera on a sort of platform at the base 
 of the statue recently erected to the memory of Wolfe 
 Tone. The situation was an ideal one, for the statue 
 stood in the middle of the street which led from the 
 Court House to the Fair Green. If there was flight 
 and pursuit it was almost certain that they must pass 
 the statue. Dr. Whitty had everything in perfect 
 readiness before twelve o'clock. Michael Geraghty,
 
 ICO THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 who was greatly interested in the camera, stood be- 
 side him on the improvised platform. 
 
 The two Resident Magistrates passed up the street 
 to the Court House. They were strangers to Dr. 
 Whitty, and they looked at him suspiciously. In Ire- 
 land the guardians of law and order have to be sus- 
 picious. Dr. Whitty seized the bulb by which the 
 shutter of his camera was released, and photographed 
 them. He hoped the focus would turn out to be right. 
 The Resident Magistrates were pleased. The photo- 
 graph was a tribute to their personal importance. 
 They passed on without molesting Dr. Whitty. The 
 barrister and the Member of Parliament, escorted by 
 Thady Glynn, came next. Dr. Whitty hailed Thady, 
 and while the party turned round to look at him se- 
 cured another photograph. Michael Geraghty was 
 delighted, and persuaded a body of police who 
 marched up the street to halt in front of the camera. 
 The serjeant in command happened to be married to 
 a niece of Michael's wife, so there was no difficulty 
 about getting the men to stand still. Some leading 
 members of the League, on their way to help in the 
 administration of justice, were also photographed. 
 Then ensued a long period of waiting. 
 
 " The brake," said Michael Geraghty, " isn't or- 
 dered till one o'clock. I was talking to the man who 
 is to drive it, and he told me so himself. If there's
 
 LAW AND ORDER, AND THE CAMERA 161 
 
 anything that you'd like to be doing in the meanwhile, 
 doctor, you have time enough." 
 
 " I wouldn't trust them," said Dr. Whitty. " If 
 I went away it's as likely as not they'd hurry the 
 whole thing up, and I'd miss the show afterwards." 
 
 " They couldn't. Isn't the man they have down 
 from Dublin to be talking for the best part of an 
 hour? Would they pay him forty pounds for 
 less?" 
 
 " I have no doubt he will if he's let," said Dr. 
 Whitty. " But there was a determined look in the 
 eye of the nearest of the two magistrates. I wouldn't 
 wonder if they cut him short." 
 
 " They might then, them two, if they was left to 
 themselves. But the colonel will be on the bench 
 along with them ones, and he'll see fair play all round. 
 He doesn't care a great deal for Thady Glynn, but 
 he isn't the man to see forty pounds spent and noth- 
 ing done for the money." 
 
 " The colonel won't be on the bench. The very first 
 thing that Dublin man will do will be to put the colonel 
 off. He'll say the colonel's an interested party and 
 ought not to sit on the case." 
 
 " I wouldn't wonder if he did say that ; but the 
 colonel mightn't go for him." 
 
 "He will," said Dr. Whitty. "I know him well. 
 If they make out that he has any sort of connection
 
 162 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 with either Peter's leg or the fork he'll step down off 
 the bench at once." 
 
 " As regards the Widow Canavan, it'll be the same 
 thing whether he does or doesn't." 
 
 " It will, of course ; but it'll be so much to the 
 good for the Dublin lawyer if he succeeds in chasing 
 the colonel." 
 
 Events justified the prophecies of both Dr. Whitty 
 and Michael Geraghty. The colonel resigned his 
 place on the bench, but the barrister made a full- 
 length speech. At one o'clock the brake drove slowly 
 up the street and was hooted vigorously by the crowd. 
 It took its stand outside the Court House door, under 
 the protection of a double line of police. At a quar- 
 ter-past one the Widow Canavan, in the charge of 
 four constables and uttering terrific language, was 
 hustled into it. It drove through the crowd and Dr. 
 Whitty obtained a photograph of it as it passed him. 
 Thady Glynn, the barrister, who looked hot, and the 
 Member of Parliament appeared on the Court House 
 steps. The crowd cheered vociferously. The Mem- 
 ber of Parliament stepped to the front, took off his 
 hat, and began to speak. 
 
 " I can't hear a single word he says," said Dr. 
 Whitty. "Can you, Michael?" 
 
 " I cannot ; but, sure, I've often heard the like be- 
 fore."
 
 LAW AND ORDER, AND THE CAMERA 163 
 
 The two Resident Magistrates, followed by Colonel 
 Beresford, slipped round the back of the Member of 
 Parliament and took up a secure position among the 
 police. 
 
 " I wouldn't wonder," said Michael Geraghty, " but 
 he might be saying things against the colonel now. 
 He has all the look of it." 
 
 The orator's arm was in fact stretched out and his 
 finger pointed in the direction of the place where 
 Colonel Beresford was standing. 
 
 " It's either him or the magistrates that's getting it, 
 and getting it hot this minute," said Michael Geraghty. 
 " Look at the way Thady Glynn has his hat took off 
 of his head and it waving up and down in the air. 
 The like of that I have never seen yet." 
 
 The Member of Parliament was evidently doing 
 his best. The cheers of the crowd testified to the 
 fact that he was speaking acceptable things. Urged 
 on to fresh exertion by the popular approval of his 
 efforts, his voice rose to a sort of shriek, and the 
 word " Hell " came ringing down the street. 
 
 " Good," said Dr. Whitty, " if those magistrates are 
 any use they'll put a stop to that." 
 
 But neither the magistrates nor the police showed 
 any sign of unusual emotion. The Member of Par- 
 liament wiped his forehead and started again. He 
 made a good beginning, and the words " Men of the
 
 164. THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 West " were plainly audible to Dr. Whitty and 
 Michael Geraghty. Then for a while his strength 
 failed him, and it was not until he reached his second 
 peroration that Dr. Whitty heard any more. Then 
 the expression " dastardly land-grabber " sounded out 
 clearly. The police did not seem to object to that in 
 the least, but the Member of Parliament was a de- 
 termined man. At the end of another quarter of an 
 hour he succeeded in saying something which stirred 
 up one of the magistrates. There were signs of ac- 
 tivity among the police. The Member of Parliament 
 worked himself up to a series of inarticulate shrieks. 
 Batons were snatched out of their cases. Thady 
 Glynn, the barrister, and the Member of Parliament, 
 who was breathless and somewhat dishevelled, skipped 
 back into the Court House. The crowd began to run 
 down the street. The police came after them, were 
 among them, struck right and left with their batons. 
 
 Dr. Whitty seized his opportunity. Just as the 
 foremost members of the crowd reached the front of 
 his platform he sprang forward. 
 
 "Stop!" he shouted. "Hold on! Stand just as 
 you are for a single instant ! All of you ! " 
 
 Everybody looked up, and everybody stopped in 
 sheer amazement. There was something about Dr. 
 Whitty's shout, a cheerful gaiety, a sort of suggestion 
 that the whole thing was a game got up for his amuse-
 
 LAW AND ORDER, AND THE CAMERA 165 
 
 merit, which took the heart out of police and people 
 alike. Most of them knew the doctor well, and every- 
 body liked him. He squeezed the bulb which he held 
 in his hand. There was a sharp click, plainly audible 
 in the silence which followed the pause. 
 
 " Thank you, gentlemen," said Dr. Whitty. " Now 
 just stand as you are till I change the plate and take 
 you again. The police will kindly look as ferocious 
 as they can. Everybody else must wear an expres- 
 sion of terror. Nobody may grin. I notice several 
 men grinning now. Please don't do it. This is a seri- 
 ous business. It is riot, and will be reported in all 
 the papers." 
 
 The taller of the two magistrates, the man whom 
 Dr. Whitty had noticed earlier in the day as looking 
 determined, elbowed bis way through the crowd. 
 
 "What's this?" he said; "what's all this? Why 
 aren't the police doing their duty ? " 
 
 "It's all right," said Dr. Whitty cheerfully. 
 " They'll be doing it again in a minute. I'm just tak- 
 ing a photograph. Just stand where you are, will 
 you? You'll look uncommonly well there. Your ex- 
 pression of face is perfect. Michael Geraghty, give 
 me that other slide, quick. Not that one. The 
 plates in that are used. Oh, confound it! Here's 
 that ass Thady Glynn." 
 
 Thady, the barrister, and the Member of Parlia-
 
 166 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 ment, noticing from their post inside the Court House 
 door that there was a hitch in the proceedings, came 
 hurriedly down the street. 
 
 " We protest," said Thady, " against this outrage- 
 ous attack which the police " 
 
 " You shall hear more of this," said the Member 
 of Parliament. " I shall denounce these proceedings 
 from my seat in the House. I shall " 
 
 Dr. Whitty's shutter clicked again. 
 
 " Thank you, gentlemen," he said. " I think I can 
 promise two successful pictures. I've quite finished 
 now, and any time you like to go on with your riot you 
 can." 
 
 Everybody, except the magistrate, Thady Glynn, 
 and the Member of Parliament, grinned broadly. 
 No one showed any intention of either running away 
 or pursuing. Some one on the outskirts of the crowd 
 demanded a speech from the doctor. 
 
 "Gentlemen," said Dr. Whitty, "I think you will 
 all agree with me that the proceedings have terminated 
 in a manner most satisfactory to everybody concerned. 
 My photographs will be published in a large number 
 of newspapers. They will prove how enthusiastically 
 the Royal Irish Constabulary respond to the call of 
 duty. Nothing could be better calculated to estab- 
 lish the reputation of the force than a representation 
 of it in the very act of attacking a crowd. On the
 
 other hand, the cause of the League will be greatly 
 advanced in Great Britain, Ireland, and America, 
 when it is shown by actual photographs how brutally 
 the people of this country are coerced by the armed 
 forces of British rule. Again, the police would cer- 
 tainly have got very hot and uncomfortable if they 
 had gone on running down this street at the rate at 
 which they started. Now, if they don't particularly 
 want to run, they can go quietly back to their barrack. 
 Also, if the riot had gone on, a number of people, 
 probably quite innocent people, would have got hit 
 about the head and body. They ought to be thankful 
 to have escaped." 
 
 " Three cheers for the doctor," said Michael Ger- 
 aghty. 
 
 Colonel Beresford made his way through a thor- 
 oughly good-humoured crowd to the Resident Magis- 
 trate. 
 
 " I really think," he said, " that we shall all look 
 rather fools if we go on with the baton charge after 
 this incident."
 
 >"T" N HE day was hot, really hot, as days very seldom 
 
 * are on the Connacht coast. Dr. Whitty was 
 bathing off the end of the pier and enjoying himself 
 greatly. Michael Geraghty sat on the edge of the 
 pier with his legs dangling over the water and gazed 
 gloomily at the doctor. From time to time he struck 
 a match and lit a damp plug of tobacco which lay at 
 the bottom of the bowl of his pipe. There came after 
 a while to be quite a flotilla of matches in the water 
 round the steps of the pier. Two of them stuck to 
 the doctor's legs when he dragged himself at last on 
 to dry land. He picked them off and dropped them 
 into the sea again. 
 
 " I wish," he said, " that you'd get out of the habit 
 of using a whole box of matches to light your pipe. 
 Why won't one do you ? " 
 
 " The times," said Michael Geraghty, " are mighty 
 dull." 
 
 "I don't see," said Dr. Whitty, "that that's any 
 reason for wasting matches. In fact I should say that 
 a wave of commercial depression such as you hint at 
 
 168
 
 BUOYING THE CHANNEL 169 
 
 ought to lead sensible men to consider small econo- 
 mies." 
 
 " What's troubling me most," said Michael Ger- 
 aghty, " is them two anchors. I'm sorry now that 
 ever I bought them, though I don't deny but I got 
 them cheap." 
 
 Dr. Whitty was rubbing himself vigorously with a 
 rough towel. 
 
 " What anchors ? " he said. 
 
 " Them two anchors that I bought the time of the 
 wreck. The customs officer was selling what was left 
 of the ship, and I got the both of her anchors for five 
 shillings. They're good anchors. You wouldn't see 
 better. But what's the use of them in a place like 
 this?" 
 
 " Was that the time we had the clergy up talking 
 Latin and Greek to Affy Hynes ? " 
 
 " It was," said Michael Geraghty, grinning. 
 
 Dr. Whitty slipped his shirt over his head. Then 
 he fished a pipe out of his coat pocket, pressed the 
 tobacco into the bowl and sat down on the steps of the 
 pier. The sun was shining very brilliantly and he 
 liked the feel of its heat on his bare legs. 
 
 " Hand over that box of matches," he said, " if 
 there are any left in it." 
 
 " They're good anchors," said Michael Geraghty. 
 " Devil the better you'd see. But where's the use of
 
 170 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 them lying in the shed at the back of the house?" 
 
 " Why don't you sell them if they're as good as all 
 that? You couldn't get less than five shillings for 
 them whatever happened." 
 
 " Sell them ! It's fhankf ul I'd be to sell them if I 
 could. But who'd buy them ? " 
 
 " Advertise in The Irish Times," said the doctor. 
 " There must be somebody in the world somewhere 
 who wants a good anchor." 
 
 " It wouldn't be a bit of use. The carriage of 
 them things to any place where they might be wanted 
 would be more than they'd cost when they're new. 
 What with carting them all the way to Dunbeg and 
 the railway rates, which has the people of this coun- 
 try robbed " 
 
 " There's a commission sitting on railway rates this 
 minute," said the doctor. "If you were to threaten 
 the company that you'd bring up the case of your two 
 anchors, you might get them carried cheap in an empty 
 truck." 
 
 " I would not," said Michael gloomily. " Don't I 
 know I wouldn't? And there'd be the price of the 
 advertisement to be considered." 
 
 Dr. Whitty pulled on his trousers and collected to- 
 gether his boots and socks. Then he said 
 
 " Why don't you sell them to the Government ? "
 
 BUOYING THE CHANNEL 171 
 
 " Is it the Lord Lieutenant ? " 
 
 " Well, not exactly the Lord Lieutenant personally. 
 You could hardly expect him to invest his hard-earned 
 savings in old anchors just to oblige you. When I 
 said the Government, I meant the Board." 
 
 "What Board?" 
 
 " Any Board. It doesn't seem to me to matter 
 what Board buys them so long as you get your price. 
 You've plenty of choice. There's the Prisons Board, 
 the Agricultural Board, the National Board of Edu- 
 cation " 
 
 "Talk sense," said Michael Geraghty. "What 
 would one of them school inspectors be doing with an 
 anchor if he had it?" 
 
 " That would be his affair. He might take it 
 round with him for the purpose of giving the chil- 
 dren an object-lesson in navigation. But I wouldn't 
 be inclined to try the Education Board first of all. 
 You might fall back on it if all the others fail. But 
 I'd begin with the Congested Districts Board." 
 
 " I might try them." 
 
 " They're a good Board," said the doctor, " en- 
 gaged in every kind of miscellaneous work. They'd 
 be able to find some use for almost any sort of odds 
 and ends 
 
 " The anchors is good anchors," said Michael
 
 172 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 stiffly. " I wouldn't be trying to get the better of a 
 Board by selling them rotten stuff." 
 
 "You would not, of course; and I wouldn't help 
 you if I thought you were perpetrating any sort of 
 swindle. In fact, I'll step round as soon as I've fin- 
 ished dressing and take a look at the anchors, so as 
 to be sure they're all right. If we were going to deal 
 with the Education Board it wouldn't so much mat- 
 ter, but the Congested Districts Board is as likely as 
 not to tie some floating objects to the anchors and 
 sink them in the sea, so we'll have to make sure be- 
 forehand that they'll bear the strain." 
 
 Dr. Whitty fastened his collar and made a neat 
 bow of his tie. Then he smoothed his wet hair with 
 both hands and put on his hat. Michael Geraghty 
 rose slowly to his feet, and the two men went to- 
 gether through the town to the shed at the back of 
 Michael's house. 
 
 " Those," said the doctor, " seem to me very large 
 anchors. They are much bigger than I expected." 
 
 " They are big, of course. She was a three-master 
 from San Francisco that they belonged to first of 
 all." 
 
 " I'm afraid," said the doctor, " that we can't ap- 
 proach the Congested Districts Board directly about 
 the purchase of those anchors. They'd shy at the 
 enormous size of them."
 
 BUOYING THE CHANNEL 173 
 
 " I was thinking that myself." 
 
 " But there's no reason why we shouldn't get at 
 them obliquely. After all, there'll be much less sus- 
 picion excited if we pretended that we weren't selling 
 anchors. The proper way to get at a Board of that 
 sort is to start a public agitation in favour of some 
 purely philanthropic scheme and then slip in the an- 
 chors at the end in a way that they won't be noticed. 
 The thing for us is to hit on some work of public 
 utility which will involve the use of anchors. Now 
 what sort of things can be done with anchors ? " 
 
 " If so be," said Michael, " that the Board had 
 any notion of establishing a fishing station here, 
 they'd be wanting to have an old hulk in the bay to 
 hold the ice for packing the mackerel in, and she'd 
 have to be anchored." 
 
 " That's not a bad idea. But I doubt if it would 
 work out satisfactorily. The chances are that any 
 hulk they'd bring here would have her own anchors. 
 Nice fools we'd look if we saddled the town with a 
 fishing station and had all the people running into 
 debt to buy boats and nets and things, and then at 
 the latter end found that we hadn't got rid of the 
 anchors. But there must be other things besides ice 
 hulks which require anchoring. What about a light- 
 ship?" 
 
 "A lightship?"
 
 174> THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " Yes. I suppose you could build one if you got 
 the order, and fit it out with anchors ? " 
 
 " I'm not sure could I. I never seen one of them 
 things." 
 
 " You could do it all right if you tried. After all, 
 it wouldn't be any harder than building a pier, and 
 you did that. A lightship is just the sort of thing 
 that's wanted here. We could quote that wreck to 
 show the necessity for it." 
 
 " How would it be," said Michael doubtfully, " if 
 we was to ask for a buoy? I'd be easier in my mind 
 working with buoys, which is what I know something 
 about." 
 
 "Right," said Dr. Whitty. "We'll have buoys. 
 We'll have the channel up to the pier marked out 
 with two large buoys." 
 
 " It would take more than two buoys to mark out 
 that channel," said Michael, grinning. " Sure the 
 rocks is as thick as fleas on a dog's back." 
 
 " It doesn't matter how many they put. Let them 
 put fifty if they like. Our point is that there must 
 be at least two fastened to the bottom of the sea with 
 really first-rate anchors. That is our irreducible 
 minimum. You see the way the thing works out, 
 don't you, Michael ? These Boards which spend pub- 
 lic money are always most frightfully conscientious 
 about effecting small economies. When we get them
 
 BUOYING THE CHANNEL 175 
 
 to agree to buoy that channel they'll simply jump at 
 your two anchors in order to save the expense of 
 dragging others all the way from Dublin." 
 
 " I see that." 
 
 " Very well. Go you now and write a proper pe- 
 tition to the Board. When you have it written take 
 it round and get everybody to sign it. Get the priest 
 and the rector and the old colonel first of all. I'll 
 drop in on the colonel as I pass the house and tell him 
 to expect you. Get Thady Glynn and the League 
 fellows. They won't refuse." 
 
 Michael Geraghty wasted no time after the doctor 
 left him. He sent a message down to the school re- 
 questing the presence of his eldest daughter at once. 
 She was, he said, urgently required at home. He 
 realised that he was not very sure of the way to spell 
 certain unusual words likely to be required in the 
 petition, and Molly wrote a very good hand. Early 
 in the afternoon he had his document ready for signa- 
 ture. 
 
 " To THE RIGHT 
 HONOURABLE MEMBERS OF YOUR BOARD 
 
 " DEAR SIR, It is the unanimous desire of us, the 
 inhabitants of Ballintra, signed herewith, to have 
 the channel leading up to the pier, lately built by your 
 honourable Board, marked out plain with buoys. 
 Now I say at once that of all the blessings which your 
 honourable members have conferred on us, the people
 
 176 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 of the congested districts, this would be the greatest 
 and at once the most needed. To do this, I have prac- 
 tically worked it out, and it would require two buoys, 
 and you can see at once the untold blessing it must 
 prove to the poor. Then again, see the advertisement 
 it must prove to the district in opening direct com- 
 munication by sea with tourists and the public gen- 
 erally. I again impress the great urgency there is in 
 the establishment of the scheme, and I assure you I 
 shall do a man's part in making it a huge success. 
 I should mention that the officials of your honourable 
 Board in discharge of their duties will not be near so 
 liable to be drowned provided you grant the buoys, 
 same to mark the worst of the rocks, which as situ- 
 ated presently is a constant danger to boats and ships. 
 The price of the buoys would not be much in the eyes 
 of your honourable members. The anchors for same 
 being all that would come expensive, and them not 
 very if properly worked. The gentlemen whose names 
 appear below includes all the principal men of the dis- 
 trict, without religion or politics, and there will be 
 more of them if more is wanted by the honourable 
 Board. But where would be the use ? " 
 
 At about six o'clock in the evening Michael 
 Geraghty called on Dr. Whitty. He carried the peti- 
 tion in his hand. 
 
 " I dunno," he said, " will it be any use posting it 
 to the Board at all." 
 
 "Why not?"
 
 BUOYING THE CHANNEL 177 
 
 " The priest won't sign it, and no more will Mr. 
 Jackson. I didn't try the rest of the people, for 
 what good would they be if the clergy held back?" 
 
 " Nonsense," said Dr. Whitty. " They must sign." 
 
 " I tell you they won't then, neither the one of them 
 nor yet the other." 
 
 " You must have gone about it in some silly way 
 and got their backs up. I saw the colonel this after- 
 noon, and he promised he'd sign. Did you try 
 him?" 
 
 "I did not. What was the good?" 
 
 " Well, run up with it to him now and get his 
 signature. I'll step round in the meanwhile and see 
 the two clergymen." 
 
 Mr. Jackson, when Dr. Whitty walked up to the 
 Rectory, was mowing his lawn and looked hot. 
 
 " Give me a turn at that," said the doctor. " I'll 
 finish off round the flower-beds while you sit down 
 and rest yourself." 
 
 " It's very good of you," said the rector, " but I 
 couldn't think of allowing you to " 
 
 " Nonsense," said the doctor, seizing the machine. 
 " I shall enjoy it. By the way, I hope you agree 
 with Colonel Beresford about the necessity for hav- 
 ing the channel up to the pier properly buoyed." 
 
 "Colonel Beresford?" 
 
 " Yes. He's using all his influence with the Con-
 
 178 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 gested Districts Board to get it done. Michael 
 Geraghty is forwarding a sort of petition." 
 
 " I saw that," said the rector, " but I didn't know 
 that Colonel Beresford " 
 
 " The colonel didn't actually write it out," said the 
 doctor, " but he's signing it." 
 
 " It struck me as rather an illiterate document. I 
 hardly cared to put my name to Not that I've 
 any objection to buoying the channel. I merely felt 
 that Did you read the petition ? " 
 
 " No, I didn't." 
 
 " It's expressed in such an odd way. If it was 
 written out again in decent English " 
 
 " I see what you mean ; but, if you'll excuse my 
 saying so, you're making a mistake. The colonel and 
 I were particularly anxious to have it expressed in 
 that sort of way. You know the Congested Dis- 
 tricts Board, of course ? " 
 
 " Not personally." 
 
 "Ah! Well then you wouldn't understand. The 
 fact is, that Board particularly prides itself on being 
 in direct touch with the people. It likes all petitions 
 to come from the people, and tries to avoid having 
 anything to do with the educated classes. That's 
 the reason we got Michael Geraghty to draw up the 
 thing himself." 
 
 " Oh ! " said the rector. " I hadn't thought of that.
 
 BUOYING THE CHANNEL 179 
 
 Of course, if Colonel Beresford thinks that's the 
 wisest plan " 
 
 " That's right," said the doctor. " I'll send Michael 
 round with it again this evening, and you'll sign." 
 
 He finished off the mowing and walked on to the 
 Presbytery. 
 
 "I'll not put my name to any such thing," said 
 Father Henaghan. " Do you want to make a public 
 fool of me?" 
 
 " I do not. Is it likely I'd want to make a fool of 
 you and Mr. Jackson and the colonel, not to mention 
 myself?" 
 
 " Well, then, what did you send Michael Geraghty 
 round with that paper for? Didn't you know " 
 
 " Look here now, Father Henaghan," said the doc- 
 tor, "be sensible. What was that paper?" 
 
 " So far as I could make out it was meant to be a 
 petition to the Congested Districts Board." 
 
 " It was. Now, what do you suppose generally 
 happens to petitions sent to public Boards ? " 
 
 " I don't know." 
 
 " Well, I'll tell you. Some clerk or other takes 
 them and enters the name of them along with a num- 
 ber in a large book. When he does that he goes home 
 to his tea, and nobody ever hears anything more about 
 them. That's the ordinary, well-written, sensible- 
 looking petition. There's simply no use sending it
 
 180 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 in at all. But what do we do? We draw up a peti- 
 tion which strikes the clerk who reads it as out of the 
 common. Instead of indexing it and going home, he 
 passes it on to some kind of official above him. He 
 thinks it an excellent joke, and shows it to some one 
 else. In the end it gets to the really influential 
 people the bishops and men of that sort who actu- 
 ally run the Board. Then it's attended to." 
 
 " All the same I don't see " 
 
 " Surely you're not opposed to having the channel 
 up to the pier properly marked out with buoys? You 
 can't mean that. You ought to have more sense than 
 to be setting yourself against the will of the people 
 in a matter of the kind. Let me tell you, Father 
 Henaghan, there's lots of men in Ireland at the pres- 
 ent moment only too anxious to get a hold of some 
 sort of excuse for attacking the clergy. If it comes 
 out that you refused to take any part in the move- 
 ment for buoying out the channel, your action will 
 be represented in a most unpleasant way. Besides, 
 after all, you must want to have the channel buoyed." 
 
 " I don't care whether it is or not. There isn't a 
 boat goes up to that pier once in twelve months. 
 What good will it be ? " 
 
 "That's not the way to look at it at all. What 
 you ought to be asking is : What harm can it possi- 
 bly do?"
 
 BUOYING THE CHANNEL 181 
 
 " I don't suppose it'll do any harm, because I don't 
 suppose it'll ever be done." 
 
 " Very well then, you'll sign the petition. It's for 
 your own good that I'm pressing you. Mr. Jackson 
 is signing it, and it won't look at all well if you re- 
 fuse." 
 
 When the petition had been dispatched with about 
 thirty signatures attached to it, Dr. Whitty had an- 
 other interview with Michael Geraghty. 
 
 " Michael," he said, " it won't do for you simply 
 to sit down and wait for the Board to come along and 
 buy your anchors. You must stir yourself and work 
 things up a bit." 
 
 " Is it a public meeting you have in your mind ? " 
 
 " It is not. A public meeting is an excellent thing 
 in its way, but I strongly suspect that the Board will 
 send down my old friend Eccles to look into this mat- 
 ter. You remember Eccles, don't you?" 
 
 " I do," said Michael. " He was the gentle- 
 man that wanted a bit added on to the end of the 
 pier." 
 
 " Exactly. He's not by any means a fool ; and a 
 public meeting wouldn't impress him in the least. 
 What we want for him is a few wrecks." 
 
 "Wrecks, is it?" said Michael doubtfully. 
 
 " Yes. Wrecks wrecked boats lying on the rocks 
 on the way to the pier. The rocks that we want to
 
 182 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 have buoyed. Are there any old boats you could get 
 the loan of for a few days ? " 
 
 " There is, of course." 
 
 " Very well, get them. Get half a dozen if you can. 
 Row them out and put them on the rocks, one on each 
 rock that you can find near the pier. When you 
 have them there I'll photograph them, and send copies 
 of the pictures up to the Board. That will prepare 
 Eccles' mind for what he may expect when he gets 
 down here. When he arrives, we'll take him out in 
 a boat and run him on to a rock just to show him 
 how dangerous the place really is." 
 
 " I wouldn't care to do the like to any gentleman." 
 
 " He can swim," said the doctor. " You needn't 
 be the least anxious about him, and, anyway, it won't 
 come to swimming if you manage properly." 
 
 In due time Mr. Eccles arrived. Dr. Whitty met 
 him at the railway station, and invited him to 
 luncheon. 
 
 " After that," he said, " I'll take you down to the 
 pier. I asked a few people to meet you there 
 Father Henaghan, and Mr. Jackson the rector, and 
 Colonel Beresford, and Michael Geraghty. Unfor- 
 tunately none of them could come except Michael, 
 but he'll explain to you exactly what has to be done." 
 
 " Whitty," said Mr. Eccles after luncheon, " I don't 
 mind telling you beforehand that the Board is going
 
 BUOYING THE CHANNEL 183 
 
 to mark out that channel of yours. It won't make a 
 bit of difference now whether you tell me the truth 
 or not, but I'd like to know, as a matter of curiosity, 
 why the devil you want the thing done. It won't 
 bring any money worth speaking of into the place. 
 We'll send down all the things we want from Dub- 
 lin, and your friend Geraghty, who seems to be at 
 the bottom of the swindle, won't earn a penny over 
 it" 
 
 " If it's a swindle," said the doctor, " why on 
 earth is your Board doing it? You ought to have 
 stopped them. You're their marine adviser, aren't 
 you?" 
 
 " I tried to stop them," said Mr. Eccles, " but that 
 infernal petition of yours was too much for me. The 
 part about the benefits which the honourable mem- 
 bers had conferred on the people fetched the Board 
 like anything. There are two or three of the hon- 
 ourable members who can really see a joke, and they 
 insisted that the channel should be marked out. Now 
 I've been quite frank with you, and I expect you to 
 tell me the inner meaning of the move." 
 
 " The fact is," said Dr. Whitty, " that the channel 
 is frightfully crooked and dangerous. Boats are 
 continually running on rocks, and though there have 
 been no lives actually lost as yet, there's no saying 
 when some poor fellow with a wife and family de-
 
 184 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 pending on him will get drowned. You saw those 
 photos I sent up to the Board, I suppose." 
 
 " Yes, I saw them. 
 
 " I suppose you think they were faked. Well, 
 you're wrong, quite wrong. Every one of them rep- 
 resents an actual boat on a real rock." 
 
 " Three of them," said Mr. Eccles, " appeared to 
 me to represent the same boat on different rocks." 
 
 " Quite so," said Dr. Whitty. " That particular 
 boat ran on to three rocks; but the others were all 
 different boats. Most of them are still on the rocks, 
 and Michael Geraghty is going to take you out this 
 afternoon and show you the wrecks. You'll believe 
 they're there if you're allowed to touch them, I sup- 
 pose." 
 
 " Thanks, but I don't think I'll go boating with 
 Michael Geraghty. I don't particularly want to sup- 
 ply you with a photograph of another wreck." 
 
 " Michael can't swim a stroke, so you needn't be 
 afraid. He'll be careful." 
 
 " All the same I won't go. All I came down here for 
 was to find out for my own satisfaction the truth 
 about this business. If you won't tell me, I must 
 just go back to Dublin and send down the perches 
 which the Board has ready for your rocks." 
 
 " Perches ! " said the doctor. 
 
 "Yes, perches. Iron posts with round iron shields
 
 BUOYING THE CHANNEL 185 
 
 on top of them, painted red or black. The usual 
 things for marking out channels." 
 
 " It wasn't perches we asked for," said the doctor, 
 ''but buoys." 
 
 " I know that ; but buoys would be ridiculous on 
 rocks that are uncovered at low tide. What you 
 want is perches." 
 
 " It's not perches we want, but buoys. Perches 
 would be no kind of use to us one way or another. If 
 it's perches you're going to put up, you may ^ well 
 save yourselves the trouble, for we won't have them. 
 It must be buoys or nothing." 
 
 Mr. Eccles lit his pipe. Then he sat without speak- 
 ing for nearly ten minutes. He was thinking deeply. 
 
 " Whitty," he said at last, " you have me fair 
 beaten. I'm damned if I see what good buoys will 
 be to you. I mean to say buoys as distinct from 
 perches not that I see what you expect to gain by 
 having either." 
 
 " It's buoys we want," said Dr. Whitty, " and so, 
 of course, it's buoys you'll give us in the end." 
 
 " I'm not at all sure about that. What the Board 
 has decided on is perches." 
 
 " That was before the Board knew how strong the 
 public opinion of the district was in favour of buoys." 
 
 " I don't think," said Mr. Eccles, " that the Board 
 is at all likely to change its mind."
 
 186 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " If it doesn't, it will stultify itself, and will act in 
 a frightfully immoral and fraudulent way. Hitherto, 
 Eccles, in spite of your cynical and bureaucratic spirit, 
 your Board has been honourably distinguished among 
 all the other Boards of the country as being the only 
 one which possesses the confidence of the people. It 
 has boasted of the fact, and drawn immense sums 
 from the Imperial Treasury on the strength of its be- 
 ing a really popular Board. When it comes out in 
 Parliament, as it certainly will come out, that it has 
 deliberately flouted local opinion, and has forced a 
 lot of beastly perches which nobody wants down the 
 throats of a decent set of intelligent and progressive 
 people, who asked for a few buoys when that hap- 
 pens its reputation will be gone, and it will be hauled 
 over the coals for obtaining money under false pre- 
 tences, saying it was in sympathy with the wishes of 
 the people when it really offers factious and con- 
 temptible opposition to a perfectly reasonable de- 
 mand." 
 
 " Look here, Whitty, I make you a fair offer. Tell 
 me honestly why you prefer buoys to perches, and 
 I'll do my best to get you buoys." 
 
 " I'll tell you with pleasure. You offer us a dozen 
 or so great iron perches " 
 
 " Fourteen, to be quite accurate."
 
 BUOYING THE CHANNEL 187 
 
 " Very well, fourteen. We ask for two simple 
 buoys." 
 
 "Two?" 
 
 " That's all we insist on. Two buoys. Now, sup- 
 posing each buoy costs the same as a perch. It won't, 
 as a matter of fact, cost as much I'll explain in a 
 minute. But supposing each buoy costs as much as 
 a perch, by adopting our scheme the Board will effect 
 an economy of twelve- fourteenths in other words, 
 six-sevenths of the total amount to be spent. Public 
 money, you recollect, Eccles. Your Board may like 
 wasting money; but we have a highly developed civic 
 conscience, and we'd rather see the sum we don't actu- 
 ally want ourselves spent on some other deserving 
 district. Are you listening to me ? " 
 
 Mr. Eccles had crossed the room, and was staring 
 out of the window, drumming a tune on the panes 
 of glass with his finger-tips. 
 
 " No, I'm not," he said ; " but I will as soon as you 
 begin to talk sense." 
 
 " A further economy will be effected," said Dr. 
 Whitty, " by adopting our buoy scheme, because the 
 Board will be able to save the carriage for the anchors 
 of the buoys. It happens, by the merest chance, that 
 there are in the town at the present moment two re- 
 markably fine anchors which the Board can buy."
 
 188 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 Mr. Eccles stopped playing tunes on the window 
 and turned round. 
 
 " Belonging, I suppose," he sa*id, " to your friend, 
 Michael Geraghty?" 
 
 "Yes," said Dr. Whitty, "to Michael Geraghty, 
 who is perfectly willing to sell them at a reasonable 
 price." 
 
 " Why on earth couldn't you have told me that be- 
 fore?" 
 
 " I wasn't quite sure," said Dr. Whitty, " that you'd 
 see it in the proper light." 
 
 "I don't; but I admire it greatly. If I could I'd 
 stop the whole thing, and give you and Michael Ger- 
 aghty three months in jail but 
 
 " Don't be violent, Eccles. That sort of language 
 isn't at all suitable in the mouth of a Government offi- 
 cial." 
 
 " As I can't do that, and as my Board is bent on 
 making an ass of itself 
 
 " It's not. It's living up to its reputation and being 
 popular." 
 
 " I shall recommend it to mark out the channel with 
 buoys instead of perches. I suppose if I send you 
 down two good buoys you'll be satisfied." 
 
 " And buy the anchors." 
 
 " And buy the anchors, of course. You'll be able 
 to plant out the buoys yourselves without help."
 
 BUOYING THE CHANNEL 189 
 
 " Oh, yes, we'll manage that." 
 
 " And for goodness' sake, Whitty, get those boats 
 off the rocks. They're a perfect disgrace to the 
 neighbourhood where they are." 
 
 " They'll be taken off to-night," said Dr. Whitty. 
 " There's a spring tide at six o'clock which will float 
 them all, and we have arrangements made for bring- 
 ing them home."
 
 X 
 
 AN INTOLERABLE HONOUR 
 
 COLONEL BERESFORD came down to break- 
 fast one morning in September and found a let- 
 ter from Lord Allington beside his plate. He eyed it 
 discontentedly while he poured out his coffee. 
 
 Lord Allington was a nobleman with a high sense 
 of the duties a great magnate ought to perform. It 
 was his custom to invite Colonel Beresford twice 
 every summer to dine and sleep at Allington Castle. 
 Colonel Beresford, too, had a high sense of duty. He 
 always accepted one of the invitations ; but be- 
 cause the dinner parties bored him severely he al- 
 ways declined the other, finding, year after year, 
 greater difficulty in discovering any reasonable ex- 
 cuse. He suspected that the letter before him con- 
 tained the second of his two invitations for the cur- 
 rent year. His face wore a puzzled frown as he 
 tore open the envelope. 
 
 " We are expecting a couple of young fellows," 
 wrote Lord Allington, " friends of my son's, to spend 
 next week with us for the shooting. Danton, who is 
 - 190
 
 AN INTOLERABLE HONOUR 191 
 
 old Riversdale's right-hand man in the Foreign Office, 
 is also coming and bringing his wife. It will be a 
 pleasure to us if you will drive over on Tuesday, dine, 
 and spend the night. I bought a few dozen of hock 
 at poor Fillingham's auction the other day capital 
 wine, I am told and I should like to have your 
 opinion on it. What a smash he came! Two hun- 
 dred thousand, they say, and he got through it in five 
 years. I expect that old grocer of an uncle of his 
 is writhing in his grave. By the way, I am thinking 
 of recommending the appointment of a new J.P. in 
 Ballintra. It would be a convenience to you to have 
 some one to stand between you and that blackguard, 
 Glynn. I was thinking of your friend the doctor. 
 Would he be a suitable man? In my opinion, he 
 deserves a pat on the back for the admirable way he 
 behaved at the Ballintra sports last summer. I un- 
 derstood at the time that it was he who persuaded 
 the local band to play ' God Save the King.' If you 
 think well of the idea, send me a note of his name. I 
 have forgotten it, if I ever heard it. If Tuesday 
 doesn't suit you, Wednesday will be equally con- 
 venient to us." 
 
 Colonel Beresford read the letter with great pleas- 
 ure. He had a feeling of warm friendship for the 
 doctor, and was so much gratified that he sat down 
 immediately after breakfast and accepted Lord Al- 
 lington's invitation. He expressed a pleasure he did 
 not actually feel at the prospect of meeting Danton
 
 192 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 of the Foreign Office, and promised to give an un- 
 biased opinion on the merits of the unfortunate 
 Fillingham's hock. He closed his letter with a strong 
 recommendation of Dr. Whitty, whom he held up as 
 a bright example of all a doctor should be. Then, 
 since there was no reason to doubt that the appoint- 
 ment would be made, he walked down to the town to 
 offer his congratulations at once. 
 
 He was fortunate enough to meet the doctor in the 
 street. 
 
 " I've got a little surprise for you," he said, " a 
 pleasant surprise, and I want to tell you at once how 
 pleased I am." 
 
 " Outbreak of typhoid among your servants ? " said 
 the doctor. 
 
 " No. That wouldn't be a pleasant surprise ! " 
 
 " It would to me," said the doctor. " You've no 
 idea how agreeable an epidemic is to a doctor, when 
 it occurs among people who have some one behind 
 them to pay the bill. However, if it isn't that, it 
 can't be helped. What is it? " 
 
 " I had a letter from Lord Allington this morning. 
 He" 
 
 " He doesn't want the town band to learn ' Rule 
 Britannia,' does he? For if he does he'll have to 
 come over and teach them himself. I am not going 
 to take on a job of that kind again."
 
 AN INTOLERABLE HONOUR 193 
 
 "It's nothing of the sort," said the colonel. "The 
 fact is, Lord Allington was so pleased about the ' God 
 Save the King ' performance last year that he wants 
 to see you a J.P." 
 
 " If that's the only form his gratitude takes," said 
 the doctor, " it's not much use to me. I wouldn't be 
 a J.P. for two hundred a year paid quarterly straight 
 from the Bank of Ireland." 
 
 " It's a high honour," said the colonel, who had old- 
 fashioned ideas. 
 
 " Come, now, colonel, you can't seriously mean 
 that. I know you're one yourself, and I think it un- 
 commonly self-sacrificing of you to keep it up, but 
 hang it all! Look at Thady Glynn! You can't call 
 it an honour to be mixed up with that fellow." 
 
 " Glynn's only a magistrate ex oflicio," said the 
 colonel. " This is quite a different thing." 
 
 "Still," said the doctor, "I hardly fancy myself 
 perched up in the Court House arguing with Thady 
 as to whether it's the policemen or the riotous drunk- 
 ard who ought to be fined. It's not good enough." 
 
 " I regard it as a public duty," said the colonel, 
 " for every one of us " 
 
 " I'm afraid I haven't got that sort of conscience," 
 said the doctor. " I really couldn't be bothered. 
 Why, think what it would mean. Every publican 
 who wanted an occasional licence would be worrying
 
 194 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 the life out of me. Every fellow whose heifer had 
 been caught trespassing would send his wife to try 
 and bribe me with a present of some old goose or 
 other. I'd make personal enemies of all the drunk- 
 ards about the place, and lots of them are patients of 
 mine. I can't do it. If Lord Allington is really as 
 grateful as you say, let him break his leg and send 
 for me to set it. I should like that, but this plan of 
 setting me on to go J.P.-ing about the country doesn't 
 suit me at all." 
 
 " I've just written to him," said the colonel, 
 " strongly recommending you, and I make it a per- 
 sonal matter, Whitty, that you accept the position. 
 I'm getting an old man, and I'm beginning to find a 
 good many things tell on me in a way they didn't a 
 few years ago. It would be a great relief to me to 
 feel there was somebody I could rely on a man like 
 yourself " 
 
 " Don't say another word, colonel. When you put 
 it that way I have no choice. It's all rot, of course, 
 about your getting old. You're good for years and 
 years of scrapping with Thady Glynn yet. Still, since 
 you make a point of it, I won't refuse, if Lord Alling- 
 ton really nominates me." 
 
 " Thanks," said the colonel. " And, really, you 
 know, Whitty, it is an honour. I quite feel the force
 
 AN INTOLERABLE HONOUR 195 
 
 of all you say about Thady Glynn ; still, it's something 
 to know that you are entrusted by your sovereign 
 with the administration of the law of the land." 
 
 " I'll try and look at it that way," said the doctor, 
 " when I'm appointed. But I expect, myself, that 
 Lord Allington will think better of it." 
 
 " Not at all. The thing's as good as settled already. 
 After he gets the letter I wrote him, he won't hesitate 
 for an hour." 
 
 The party at Castle Allington was quite as dull 
 as Colonel Beresford expected. The hock, indeed, 
 turned out excellent and reflected great credit on the 
 palate of the bankrupt Fillingham. But Lady Alling- 
 ton, whom the colonel took in to dinner, growled 
 intolerably about her health. Danton, undoubtedly a 
 valuable man in the Foreign Office, prosed abomina- 
 bly, and failed to see the point of anybody's jokes ex- 
 cept his own. It was with a sense of relief the 
 icolonel escaped to bed at eleven o'clock. Next morn- 
 ing, after breakfast, Lord Allington led him away to 
 the library. 
 
 " I should like," he said, " to have a few words with 
 you about that doctor. Whitty, isn't that his name ? " 
 
 " You've sent his name up to the Lord Chancellor, 
 I suppose ? "
 
 196 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " No. The fact is I don't, of course, attach any 
 importance to communications of this sort." Lord 
 Allington unlocked a drawer in his writing-table and 
 drew out a letter which he handed to the colonel. 
 " Still, I'm bound to take every possible precaution. 
 You'll quite understand, Beresford, that it wouldn't 
 do. With the way our actions are criticised now- 
 adays, we can't be too careful. But read that letter." 
 
 The colonel looked the sheet of paper up and down, 
 and then read: 
 
 " YOUR LORDSHIP, Having heard that it is your 
 intention to make a magistrate of Dr. Whitty, I beg 
 to bring the following fact to your notice. Dr. 
 Whitty is drunk in the evenings as often as he is 
 sober, and, only last night, had to be helped home 
 to his house by Michael Geraghty, the carpenter. If 
 you have any doubt about the truth of this statement, 
 ask Michael. He will bear out every word I say. 
 Your Lordship's humble servant, 
 
 " ' A LOVER OF JUSTICE.' " 
 
 " An anonymous letter ! " said the colonel. 
 
 " Quite so." 
 
 " And obviously written in a disguised hand." 
 
 " Plainly," said Lord Allington. " And, of course, 
 I attach no weight to it." 
 
 " I should hope not. The whole thing is an 
 abominable and malicious slander. I shouldn't won-
 
 AN INTOLERABLE HONOUR 197 
 
 der if Thady Glynn was at the bottom of it. He 
 hates Whitty." 
 
 "Very likely. Still" 
 
 " Whitty never was drunk in his life." 
 
 " Who's this man, Michael Geraghty ? Is he a 
 friend of Glynn's?" 
 
 " Not at all. On the contrary, he detests Glynn. 
 Geraghty is a friend of the doctor's." 
 
 " A friend of the doctor's ! Then why do you sup- 
 pose the writer of this letter refers to him? If 
 Geraghty had been an ally of the other man's, of 
 Glynn's, I could understand it better." 
 
 " It is odd," said the colonel, " very odd, but I'm 
 perfectly certain that Geraghty wouldn't stand in with 
 anyone who was slandering the doctor." 
 
 " Suppose, then," said Lord Allington, " that you 
 ask this fellow, Geraghty, whether there's any truth 
 in the story. There can't be any harm in doing that. 
 You could do it quietly, you know." 
 
 " I shall ask him if you like," said the colonel, " but 
 I know very well what he'll say." 
 
 " I shall be delighted to have the story flatly de- 
 nied," said Lord Allington, " and I'm sure it will be. 
 In any ordinary matter, Beresford, I need scarcely 
 say that your word would be enough for me, but, in 
 a case like this, you will understand that I have to 
 be extremely cautious."
 
 198 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 Colonel Beresford went home perfectly satisfied 
 that Lord Allington's anonymous letter was the work 
 of Thady Glynn. He summoned Michael Geraghty 
 to Ballintra House and demanded from him a flat 
 contradiction of the story of the doctor's drunken- 
 ness. To his surprise, Michael Geraghty seemed un- 
 easy and inclined to evade the questions which were 
 put to him. 
 
 " I wouldn't," he said, " like to be the man who'd 
 say a word against the doctor." 
 
 " Tell me straight out at once," said the colonel. 
 " Was Dr. Whitty so drunk the night before last that 
 you had to help him home ? " 
 
 '* If he was itself," said Michael, " he wouldn't be 
 the first." 
 
 " Don't shuffle. Give me a plain ' yes ' or ' no.' " 
 
 " There's many a man," said Geraghty, " that might 
 make a sup too much and nobody would ever think 
 the worse of him after." 
 
 "Was Dr. Whitty drunk or was he not?" The 
 colonel's temper was beginning to give way. " I may 
 as well tell you that, if you say he was, I shan't be- 
 lieve you." 
 
 " He was." Michael Geraghty spoke without con- 
 viction. 
 
 "Was drunk?" 
 
 " As drunk as anyone you ever seen. Drunk so
 
 AN INTOLERABLE HONOUR 199 
 
 i 
 
 that he couldn't walk, nor couldn't talk sense, nor 
 didn't know what you were saying to him, no more 
 than if he was one of them heifers beyond in the 
 field and you reading to it out of a book." 
 
 The indictment was definite and complete enough, 
 but it seemed quite plain to Colonel Beresford that 
 Geraghty was lying, lying clumsily and without real 
 pleasure. 
 
 " You're a liar, Geraghty," said the colonel, " and 
 you ought to be ashamed of yourself taking money 
 from a blackguard like Thady Glynn and then slan- 
 dering an innocent man." 
 
 " I haven't spoken a word to Thady Glynn this six 
 months," said Michael sulkily, " and I wouldn't touch 
 his money if he offered me the full of my hat of 
 sovereigns." 
 
 " I always thought before," said the colonel, " that 
 you were, comparatively speaking, an honest man. 
 I know now that you're a liar and a scoundrel." 
 
 " That's a hard word," said Michael, " and, may be, 
 if you knew what you don't know, you wouldn't be 
 so ready with it." 
 
 " You deserve it," said the colonel, " for slandering 
 Dr. Whitty, who's always been a good friend to you." 
 
 " I would deserve it, if so be I'd done what you 
 say. But it's what I wouldn't do, and nobody but 
 yourself ever drew it down against me that I did."
 
 200 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " You have done it. Even supposing the doctor 
 was drunk, which I don't for a moment believe, 
 you're the last man that ought to publish it. You 
 should have kept it to yourself." 
 
 " And so I would, if so be " 
 
 " Don't talk that way to me. What's the good of 
 saying you'd keep it a secret when you're joining in 
 with Thady Glynn to publish it when it isn't a fact ? " 
 
 " Colonel," said Michael Geraghty, " it's well 
 known that you're a gentleman, and I'll trust to you 
 that what I'm going to tell you will go no farther, 
 for if ever it got out that I told you, there'd be trou- 
 ble for me, and, what's more, you'd be sorry your- 
 self, terribly sorry, so you would. The doctor was 
 not drunk, no more than yourself this minute." 
 
 " I knew that," said the colonel. " Now tell me 
 this. Wasn't it Thady Glynn that set you on to say 
 he was ? " 
 
 " I'll not say another word, good nor bad." 
 
 " You needn't. I know very well it couldn't be 
 anyone else except Thady Glynn." 
 
 " I'll say no more. I'll neither say it is nor it 
 isn't. Only, I'll tell you this, and it's my last word. 
 If Thady Glynn was to be hanged to-morrow for put- 
 ting them stories out against the doctor, he'd die an 
 innocent man." 
 
 Colonel Beresford wrote at once to Lord Ailing-
 
 AN INTOLERABLE HONOUR 201 
 
 ton a brief but emphatic letter. Without attempting 
 a detailed report of his conversation with Michael 
 Geraghty, he made it plain that the charge against 
 Dr. Whitty was entirely baseless. 
 
 A few days later he received a visit from Dr. 
 Whitty. 
 
 " Colonel," said the doctor, " has anything more 
 been done about making me a J.P. ?" 
 
 " I expect," said the colonel, " to hear from Lord 
 Allington to-day or to-morrow that he has forwarded 
 your name to the Lord Chancellor." 
 
 " I'd be glad if you'd telegraph to him not to do it. 
 I am perfectly ready to act if I am appointed, as I 
 told you the other day, but well, I don't want to 
 say more than I need about a very unpleasant matter 
 but it will be better both for you and Lord Al- 
 lington if my name is withdrawn." 
 
 " What do you mean? " 
 
 " I mean this. If I'm made a magistrate it'll be a 
 public scandal, and will bring disgrace upon the Petty 
 Sessions Court of this town." 
 
 " If you're thinking of that ridiculous story about 
 your being drunk, I may tell you at once that I don't 
 believe a word of it, and I am sure Lord Allington 
 doesn't either. I never did believe it for an instant. 
 The only thing that puzzles me about it is the queer 
 way Michael Geraghty behaved."
 
 202 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " I'm not thinking of that story, but of something 
 worse." 
 
 " Let's have it, whatever it is," said the tolonel 
 anxiously. 
 
 " I'd rather not speak about it, but the truth is that 
 my tailor is taking proceedings against me in the 
 County Court for a bill I owe him which I can't pay. 
 It wouldn't look well, colonel you must admit your- 
 self it wouldn't look at all well for a newly appointed 
 magistrate to be " 
 
 " My dear fellow," said the colonel heartily, " if 
 that's all that's the matter it can easily be settled." 
 
 " No, it can't. The bill's .close on twenty pounds, 
 and I haven't as many pence." 
 
 Colonel Beresford crossed the room to his writing- 
 table and took his cheque-book from a drawer. 
 
 " You must allow me, doctor, you really must. 
 The sum is very trifling. We shall regard it as a 
 loan, repayable at your convenience. I wish you'd 
 told me sooner." 
 
 " I won't allow you, colonel," said the doctor. " I 
 couldn't possibly. I may never be able to repay you. 
 I hang it all ! I don't want the money." 
 
 Colonel Beresford blotted his cheque, folded it up, 
 and pressed it into the doctor's hand. 
 
 " I'm glad to be able to do it," he said. " It's a 
 pleasure to me. You're a man I've always liked.
 
 AN INTOLERABLE HONOUR 203 
 
 I've regarded you as a friend. I shall be seriously 
 annoyed. I want no thanks. I won't hear another 
 word from you. Go home at once and settle with 
 that rascally tailor. And, let me tell you, I think all 
 the better of you for coming here and telling me 
 straightforwardly about the matter. It would have 
 been awkward. I think Lord Allington might have 
 felt himself in an unpleasant position if this unfor- 
 tunate business had come on in the County Court im- 
 mediately after But we'll not talk about that. 
 Good-bye, doctor. And don't let the thought of that 
 twenty pounds come between you and your sleep. 
 I don't care if I never see it again." 
 
 Still shaking the doctor's hand, he pushed him from 
 the room. 
 
 Three days later Colonel Beresford received from 
 Lord Allington a bulky envelope. It contained a 
 copy of the last issue of The Connacht Mercury 
 and a short letter. The colonel read the letter first : 
 
 " MY DEAR BERESFORD, I send you herewith a copy 
 of the local paper in which I have marked a para- 
 graph in blue pencil. After reading it, you will, I 
 feel sure, agree with me that it is quite impossible for 
 us to place Dr. Whitty on the Commission of the 
 Peace for this county. I cannot blame you for being 
 mistaken about the man. I made the same mistake
 
 204 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTV 
 
 myself, allowing myself to be misled by his action in 
 the matter of the performance of ' God Save the 
 King ' at the Ballintra sports last year. But we may 
 be thankful that his real character has come to light 
 in time to prevent our making a serious mistake. 
 " I am, yours very sincerely, 
 
 " ALLINGTON." 
 
 Colonel Beresford took up the newspaper. There 
 was no mistake about the passage which had roused 
 Lord Allington's anger. It was completely framed 
 in thick blue lines. 
 
 " Contributions to the funds of the United Irish 
 League, received through Thaddeus Glynn, Esq., 
 J.P., Chairman and Treasurer of the Ballintra 
 Branch : 
 
 " George Whitty, Esq., M.D., Ballintra, 2, 2s." 
 
 A number of other names followed. A couple of 
 priests were credited with ten shillings each. About a 
 dozen other people appeared to have subscribed sums 
 varying from two shillings to sixpence. Dr. Whitty's 
 name came first, and his subscription was much the 
 largest. The Editor had appended a note to the list, 
 in which he pointed out the advantage to the people's 
 cause which would follow the enrolment of men like 
 Dr. Whitty in the National Organisation. " As a 
 professional man," he wrote, " Dr. Whitty's reputa-
 
 AN INTOLERABLE HONOUR 205 
 
 tion stands deservedly high. Of his personal popu- 
 larity there is no need to speak. It remains only to 
 express the hope that he will, in the future, display 
 the active interest in the affairs of the League which 
 his generous subscription shows us he feels." 
 
 Colonel Beresford stared at the paper in amaze- 
 ment. He found it, even with the printed statement 
 before him, impossible to believe that Dr. Whitty had 
 handed over the sum of two guineas to Thady Glynn. 
 There must, he felt convinced, be some mistake about 
 the announcement. He put the paper in his pocket 
 and walked down to the doctor's house. He found 
 Whitty filling a medicine bottle with some black drug 
 in a corner of his surgery. An old woman, grum- 
 bling in an undertone, sat in a chair near the door. 
 
 " Is that you, colonel ? " said the doctor cheerfully. 
 " I was expecting you yesterday. Have you only just 
 seen The Connacht Mercury? I'll be with you in 
 a minute. Here, Mary, take that bottle home with 
 you and rub it into your legs. Don't go drinking it. 
 It'll very likely kill you, if you do. If you simply 
 rub it in night and morning, the way I tell you, it'll 
 do you no particular harm, and the thought that you 
 have it by you may be some comfort. Now, colonel." 
 
 " I suppose," said the colonel, " that this announce- 
 ment is a mistake." 
 
 " Not at all. It's perfectly correct."
 
 206 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " Then it's some sort of joke, though I must con- 
 fess I don't see the point." 
 
 " It's not a joke. It's serious earnest. I can tell 
 you I didn't a bit like parting with that two guineas, 
 and it went through me like a knife when I saw the 
 grin on Thady's face as he pocketed the coins. I felt 
 more like killing him then than I ever did before, 
 and that's saying a good deal." 
 
 " Then you really gave it ? " 
 
 " I did. You drove me to it." 
 
 "I?" 
 
 "Yes you and Lord Allington between you. 
 First of all you refused to believe that I was an 
 habitual drunkard, although you had the best possible 
 evidence for it." 
 
 " Was it likely that we'd believe an anonymous 
 letter written by Thady Glynn ? " 
 
 " Thady didn't write that letter. I wrote it myself, 
 and if that miserable ass, Michael Geraghty, hadn't 
 lost his head and gone back on every word I told him 
 to say you would have believed it, and then there'd 
 have been an end of this wretched J.P. business." 
 
 " Do you mean to say ? " 
 
 " Next," said Dr. Whitty, " instead of accepting 
 my statement that a fraudulent bankrupt is not a 
 proper man to make a magistrate of, you insisted on 
 forcing a cheque for twenty pounds on me. It would
 
 AN INTOLERABLE HONOUR 207 
 
 have served you jolly well right if I had handed the 
 whole of it over to Thady Glynn as a subscription to 
 the League from you. But I didn't. I'm a merciful 
 man, and I spared you. Here's your cheque, by the 
 way; and the next time you want to pay a man's 
 debts for him, make sure he owes them before you 
 write cheques." 
 
 "But why on earth?" 
 
 "After that," said Dr. Whitty, "there seemed to 
 me only one possible thing to do. I knew that Lord 
 Allington would never appoint a man a magistrate 
 who was mixed up with Thady Glynn and his lot, so 
 I went round to the hotel and handed two guineas 
 to Thady in the presence of a lot of witnesses. Then 
 I went home and wrote a note to The Connacht 
 Mercury man, asking him to stick the subscription 
 into a prominent place in his next issue and, if possi- 
 ble, to write a special note about it. You read it, I 
 suppose. He didn't do it at all badly." 
 
 " Why didn't you tell me you objected to being a 
 magistrate ? " 
 
 " I did tell you, but you wouldn't listen to me. 
 You went on arguing about duty and responsibility 
 and things of that kind. You finally put it to me in 
 a personal way that I couldn't refuse. Then, I 
 promised I'd accept the honour it was you called it 
 an honour, I didn't if Lord Allington nominated me."
 
 208 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " He never will now." 
 
 " I sincerely hope not." 
 
 " I can't," said the colonel, after a short pause, 
 "tell him all this story." 
 
 " You can if you like," said the doctor. " I don't 
 mind a bit if you do. But I should say myself that 
 he wouldn't believe a word of it if you swore it on a 
 Bible." 
 
 "No," said Colonel Beresford, "he wouldn't. 
 Hardly anybody would."
 
 XI 
 MISS MULHALL'S LECTURE 
 
 was a young woman of peculiar but prepos- 
 sessing appearance, and Dr. Whitty's eyes rested on 
 her with warm appreciation. Her hair, he noticed, 
 was of a blue-black colour, very abundant, wavy, and 
 lustrous. Her face was oval and plump, with a deep 
 dimple in the middle of her chin. Her skin was a 
 warm shade of brown; her eyes narrow, the irises very 
 dark. Her figure, plump like her face, was well 
 formed and delightfully curved. The general effect 
 was heightened by the fact that she was dressed with 
 good taste in clothes which fitted her. She had a 
 gold-rimmed pince-nez, attached by a thin gold chain 
 to a round brooch fastened on the lapel of her coat. 
 Concealed in the brooch was a spring which wound up 
 the gold chain whenever her fingers loosed their hold 
 of the pince-nez. She had a trick of pulling out the 
 chain and then letting it fly back again, very interesting 
 to watch. 
 
 " I see," she said, smiling pleasantly, " that I must 
 introduce myself. I am Miss Mulhall." 
 
 209
 
 210 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " I am delighted to see you," said Dr. Whitty. 
 
 He spoke the truth ; but he also wondered who she 
 was and what she wanted. She was a stranger in 
 Ballintra. He did not think she was a chance trav- 
 eller driven by some sudden catastrophe to seek for 
 medical advice. She did not look as if there were any- 
 thing the matter with her, and her face had not that 
 expression of vacuous superiority to her surroundings 
 which marks the faces of all tourists. She had an air 
 of brisk competence, not unlike that of a young wo- 
 man who, three weeks before, had forced Dr. Whitty 
 to buy a complete outfit of rubber stamps suitable for 
 marking house linen. But Miss Mulhall, who was 
 simply dressed, seemed inclined to get straight to 
 business. The young lady of the rubber stamps was 
 showily shabby ,and had wasted a lot of time talking 
 about the weather and the scenery. It seemed un- 
 likely Miss Mulhall had come to sell anything. 
 
 " You've heard from Lady Claneder, I think," she 
 said. 
 
 " No," said Dr. Whitty, " I haven't. I should like 
 to, of course. I'm sure she writes interesting letters; 
 but I don't happen to know her, and I don't expect she 
 would care about starting a correspondence with me." 
 
 Miss Mulhall had a small black bag hanging by a 
 chain from her waist. She opened it, took out a note- 
 book, and turned over the pages rapidly.
 
 MISS MULHALL'S LECTURE 211 
 
 " There must have been some curious mistake," she 
 said. " Your name is certainly here as one of those to 
 whom literature has been sent in Ballintra." 
 
 " Literature," said Dr. Whitty, " is a thing I delight 
 in. Have you read ?" 
 
 " The Rev. J. Jackson," said Miss Mulhall, her eyes 
 on the page before her, " Rev. Father Henaghan, 
 Colonel Beresford, D.L., G. Whitty, M.D. Those are 
 the names I was given. I make it a rule to try, in 
 the first instance, to secure the interests of the medical 
 men in the locality in the work of the Guild." 
 
 " Quite right," said Dr. Whitty. " But what is the 
 Guild?" 
 
 " The Guild of Maternal Education," said Miss 
 Mulhall. " Lady Claneder's Guild. Surely you must 
 have heard of it." 
 
 Dr. Whitty's conscience smote him suddenly. He 
 had the recollection flashed on him received by 
 post a large bundle of pamphlets a week before. The 
 envelope in which they came bore a monogram made 
 up of the letters G.M.E., surmounted by a coronet, 
 Lady Claneder's coronet, no doubt. Among the 
 printed papers was a letter bearing an address em- 
 bossed in gold, " Claneder Castle, near Devizes." The 
 letter was lithographed and obviously represented the 
 actual handwriting of somebody, Lady Claneder's, 
 probably. Dr. Whitty, mistaking the whole for a cun-
 
 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 ningly devised advertisement of some new patent med- 
 icine, had thrown the printed matter into the waste- 
 paper basket and thrust the coroneted envelope behind 
 the clock. His eyes wandered to the chimney-piece, 
 and he noticed that half the envelope was sticking out. 
 Miss Mulhall glanced in the same direction. 
 
 " As you didn't get the literature," she said, " I 
 had, perhaps, better explain that the Guild of Maternal 
 Education is founded for the purpose of instructing 
 the mothers of the Empire." 
 
 " I should almost have guessed that from its name," 
 said Dr. Whitty. 
 
 He edged his way over to the chimney-piece and 
 stood with his back against the clock. Miss Mulhall 
 watched him, and it seemed to Dr. Whitty that her 
 eyes twinkled slightly. She let her pince-nez go with 
 a run. She looked peculiarly charming, and Dr. 
 Whitty hastened to offer a propitiatory apology for 
 his last remark. 
 
 "A most valuable work," he said. "There is an 
 enormous amount of infant mortality due entirely to 
 the ignorance of mothers. I understand that in the 
 great English cities the percentage " 
 
 " And in Irish rural districts," said Miss Mul- 
 hall. 
 
 " Of course. It is, I should say, if anything worse 
 in the Irish rural districts."
 
 MISS MULHALL'S LECTURE 213 
 
 The majority of the babies who came under Dr. 
 Whitty's observation grew up to be healthy boys and 
 girls, but he felt it desirable to placate Miss Mulhall. 
 The more he looked at her, the more attractive she 
 appeared. 
 
 " If subscriptions of ten shillings " he said. 
 
 " I'm not collecting subscriptions," said Miss Mul- 
 hall, " but, of course, if you like to make a contribu- 
 tion to the funds of the Guild, after you have listened 
 to our lecturer " 
 
 " I shall take the first opportunity I get of going to 
 hear him," said the doctor. " Where does he lec- 
 ture?" 
 
 "If you had read the letter Lady Claneder wrote 
 you," said Miss Mulhall severely, "you'd know that 
 our lecturer will be here on Monday." 
 
 Dr. Whitty felt it would be useless to deny any 
 longer the receipt of the literature of the Guild of 
 Maternal Education. There was only one course 
 open to him which promised any chance of ingratiating 
 himself with Miss Mulhall. 
 
 " I need scarcely say," he said, " that I'm delighted to 
 hear it. As a medical man I am painfully aware of 
 the absolute necessity for maternal education in this 
 district. You'd be surprised to hear some of the 
 things I could tell you. Most of the women regard 
 vaccination as a kind of accompaniment of baptism.
 
 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 There was one the other day who was really distressed 
 because her child died without it. She said 
 
 "The Guild," said Miss Mulhall, "tries to keep 
 clear of religious controversy of every kind." 
 
 " It's perfectly right," said the doctor, " and I'm 
 prepared to back it in every way I can. Just you 
 let me know if I can be of the slightest assistance to 
 your lecturer, and whatever I can do, I will." 
 
 This was apparently what Miss Mulhall wanted. 
 She smiled in the most charming way and went so 
 far as to balance her pince-nez for a moment on the 
 bridge of her nose. Dr. Whitty recognised that this 
 added a delightful piquancy to her appearance. 
 
 " The first thing to do," said Miss Mulhall, " is to 
 obtain the use of the local hall for the accommodation 
 of the lecturer." 
 
 " Father Henaghan is the man to get at for that," 
 said the doctor. " There isn't exactly a hall here, but 
 I haven't the least doubt he'll lend us the schoolroom." 
 
 " I shall call on him at once." 
 
 " Perhaps," said Dr. Whitty, " you'd better let me 
 approach him in the first instance. He's a delightful 
 man, but he's a little touchy on the subject of Wo- 
 man's Franchise." 
 
 " We've nothing whatever to do with the Franchise 
 movement." 
 
 " Of course not ; but he might think you have.
 
 MISS MULHALL'S LECTURE 215 
 
 You're educating women, you know, and nowadays it's 
 impossible to know where that sort of thing will end. 
 I don't mind a bit myself, but Father Henaghan is 
 sure to be suspicious. You can't altogether blame 
 him, can you ? " 
 
 " If he's that kind of man " said Miss Mulhall. 
 
 " He isn't in the least. Don't let anything I've said 
 give you a wrong impression of Father Henaghan. 
 He's always ready to take his part in any good work 
 that's going. I merely wanted to suggest that it 
 might be as well if I explained things to him a bit 
 before you called." 
 
 " Very well," said Miss Mulhall. " I shall go first 
 to the other two gentlemen." She referred to her 
 notebook again. " The Rev. J. Jackson and Colonel 
 
 Beresford. There's no objection to my calling on 
 them, I suppose ? " 
 
 "Not the slightest," said Dr. Whitty. "They'll 
 both receive you most courteously. If I were you, 
 in talking to Mr. Jackson I should emphasise the 
 Temperance side of your work. It has a Temperance 
 side, of course?" 
 
 " We're not directly interested in total abstinence," 
 said Miss Mulhall. 
 
 " Still, you can't do much with a mother when she 
 drinks, can you? " 
 
 " Of course not."
 
 216 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " Well, just rub that into Mr. Jackson. In ap- 
 proaching the colonel, you should make it clear that 
 you are working on imperial lines. You said you were, 
 didn't you?" 
 
 " We appeal to the mothers of the Empire." 
 
 " Quite so. Get the colonel to understand that. 
 He's tremendously keen on empires of every kind. 
 They're a sort of hobby of his. Then, when you come 
 to deliver your lecture " 
 
 " I don't lecture myself," said Miss Mulhall ; " I 
 merely make arrangements beforehand for the recep- 
 tion of the lecturer in each locality." 
 
 " I'm sorry to hear you say that," said the doctor. 
 " I should have enjoyed listening to you lecturing im- 
 mensely." 
 
 Miss Mulhall's eyes twinkled again, but she took no 
 other notice of the compliment. 
 
 " When you are talking to Father Henaghan," she 
 said, " you must get him to promise to give out the 
 lecture in his church on Sunday." 
 
 " Certainly," said Dr. Whitty. 
 
 " I shall ask Mr. Jackson to do so, too. That is the 
 only kind of advertisement we adopt. As a rule, we 
 find it most effective." 
 
 Dr. Whitty went straight to the priest's house as 
 soon as Miss Mulhall left him. 
 
 " Good morning, Father Henaghan," he said. " I
 
 MISS MULHALL'S LECTURE 217 
 
 came round to have a chat with you about Lady Clan- 
 eder and her Guild. She's a very remarkable woman 
 and engaged on a most important work." 
 
 " Is it her," said the priest, " that sent me a lot of 
 books and papers about the proper way of feeding 
 babies?" 
 
 " It was," said Dr. Whitty ; " but, of course, she 
 didn't expect you to put her advice into actual prac- 
 tice." 
 
 " As well as I can make out," said the priest, " she 
 thought " 
 
 " Excuse my interrupting you for one moment," 
 said Dr. Whitty, " but did you read those papers ? " 
 
 " I did, the most of them." 
 
 " Then perhaps you wouldn't mind telling me what 
 was in them." 
 
 " A lot of talk, that's what was in them. I didn't 
 read the whole of them, but there was one that was 
 about what they call sterilising milk." 
 
 " Capital thing that," said the doctor. 
 
 " It may be, for them that has time to spend in 
 amusing themselves. There was another about the 
 amount that a child should be given to eat, and the 
 way the most of the people feeds them too much, on 
 account of not knowing the size of their stomachs. 
 My own opinion is that a child will thrive best if you 
 give it as much as you have for it, whenever it cries."
 
 218 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " But then you don't know the size of its stomach, 
 Father Henaghan. After all " 
 
 " I do not. And it's what neither I nor anyone 
 else has any call to know. The only other one I read 
 was about hygienic clothing, and that's foolishness 
 too. The most of us in this country would be thank- 
 ful enough to have what clothes would keep us warm 
 without bothering our heads about what they were 
 made of." 
 
 " Still," said the doctor, " whatever you may think 
 of particular details, you can't deny that, on the whole, 
 it's an excellent work, and I'm sure you'll have no 
 objection to lending the schoolroom on Monday even- 
 ing to one of Lady Claneder's lecturers." 
 
 " Is it to be telling them things to the women of 
 this parish ? " 
 
 " Exactly. It can't possibly do any harm." 
 
 " How do I know that? There's too much going on 
 these times in the way of rising the people's minds 
 about this and that, so that they won't settle down and 
 keep quiet. Anyway, who'd go to the lecture?" 
 
 " If nobody goes," said the doctor, " you'll be none 
 the worse off for having it, so I suppose you'll give 
 us the schoolroom." 
 
 The discussion ended, as such discussions usually 
 did end, in Dr. Whitty getting what he wanted. He 
 walked down to Thady Glynn's hotel, where Miss
 
 MISS MULHALL'S LECTURE 219 
 
 Mulhall was staying, and announced the result of his 
 mission with an air of triumph. Miss Mulhall did 
 not seem so pleased and grateful as he expected. Her 
 face wore a troubled expression. 
 
 " Nothing wrong, I hope? " said Dr. Whitty. " The 
 colonel hasn't gone back on you in any way, has he? 
 If he has, I'll go up at once and set the matter right." 
 
 " No," said Miss Mulhall. " Nothing could have 
 been nicer than the colonel and Mr. Jackson were. 
 The fact is, that I've just had a telegram from Dr. 
 Quigley to say he's prostrated with influenza." 
 
 " Poor fellow," said Dr. Whitty ; " but don't allow 
 that to depress you too much. He'll get over it in 
 time. Is he a near relation?" 
 
 " No," said Miss Mulhall ; " he's our principal lec- 
 turer. It's extremely annoying, for now our meeting 
 here will have to be dropped. The whole work will be 
 at a standstill, and Lady Claneder will be greatly 
 vexed." 
 
 " I shouldn't like that to happen," said Dr. Whitty. 
 " She's such an admirable woman it would be the 
 'greatest pity to upset her in any way. But don't be 
 despondent, Miss Mulhall. Give the lecture yourself. 
 We'll all be just as pleased. In fact, a lecture of that 
 sort an intimate talk, so to speak, to women about 
 what is, after all, principally women's business is 
 much better delivered by a woman. There are lots of
 
 220 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 little touches, the things which really go home to a 
 mother's heart 
 
 It struck Dr. Whitty that Miss Mulhall was on the 
 verge of smiling. He stopped abruptly. Miss Mul- 
 hall became quite grave again. 
 
 " I'm afraid I can't lecture," she said. 
 
 " Nonsense," said Dr. Whitty. " Anyone can lec- 
 ture. All that is required is a little nerve, a touch of 
 enthusiasm, and a thorough knowledge of the subject." 
 
 " I should fail in the matter of nerve. The sight 
 of an audience before me " 
 
 " You really must stay here and lecture," said the 
 doctor. " We can't let you go yet. It would be a 
 bitter disappointment to all of us if you were to run 
 away at once. I can easily arrange that there won't 
 be any audience if you'd rather have an empty room." 
 
 Miss Mulhall smiled unmistakably this time. 
 
 " Besides," she said, " I don't really know anything 
 about the subject. It may seem odd to you that I 
 don't, but the fact is I simply make arrangements for 
 Dr. Quigley, interview the local people, and impress 
 on them the importance of the work. I'm quite igno- 
 rant about it myself." 
 
 "That doesn't matter," said Dr. Whitty. "To- 
 morrow is only Sunday. You've got the whole of 
 that day and most of Monday to prepare. Make up 
 those pamphlets of Lady Claneder's. They'll give
 
 MISS MULHALL'S LECTURE 221 
 
 you the entire thing in a few words. Capital 
 pamphlets they are, tersely put, striking, and brimful 
 of sound teaching." 
 
 " I thought you told me you didn't get them." 
 " Father Henaghan showed me his copies," said Dr. 
 Whitty. " I admired them immensely. I can't im- 
 agine anything more suitable for the women of this 
 neighbourhood than a synopsis of those pamphlets with 
 the little intimate touches thrown in which you " 
 
 " Perhaps I'd better try," said Miss Mulhall. " But 
 you needn't chase away the whole audience. I 
 shouldn't like to deliver a lecture to you and Father 
 Henaghan with nobody else there." 
 
 " Right. I'll see that the room's crammed." 
 Sunday was a very busy day with Dr. Whitty. He 
 spent it beating up an audience for the lecture. He 
 called personally on more than forty mothers, and 
 urged them strongly not to miss the opportunity of 
 acquiring really valuable information. He dropped 
 in on Miss Mulhall at short intervals with offers of 
 help in the preparation of her lecture. He brought 
 her a large red book on the diseases of children which, 
 he assured her, contained all that was known about 
 measles and whooping-cough. Later on, he called 
 again and told her that he had arranged a plan for 
 demonstrating the proper way of sterilising milk by 
 means of a spirit lamp and a soda-water bottle. At
 
 222 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 about six o'clock in the evening he walked into her 
 room again. 
 
 " I don't know," he said, " whether you are thinking 
 of saying anything about hygienic clothing. Lady 
 Claneder is very keen about the subject, and quite 
 rightly. I have just been round with Mrs. Geraghty 
 she has thirteen children of her own, and the youngest 
 is an infant. She has promised to lend me any clothes 
 you want by way of illustration, I mean." 
 
 " Are they very hygienic ? " 
 
 " Not at all. Quite the contrary, I fancy. I thought 
 you might like to have them as examples of the way 
 the thing ought not to be done." 
 
 On Monday morning he arrived at the hotel while 
 Miss Mulhall was at breakfast. 
 
 " I'm sure," he said, " you mean to speak strongly 
 about the popular habit of overfeeding infants." 
 
 " There's a pamphlet entirely devoted to that," said 
 Miss Mulhall. 
 
 " There is. I read it through from end to end last 
 night borrowed it from the colonel, you know. I 
 was greatly impressed by it." 
 
 " You must have known it all before," said Miss 
 Mulhall. 
 
 " Of course ; but I never came across it put in such 
 a forcible way. Lady Claneder is a wonderful
 
 MISS MULHALL'S LECTURE 223 
 
 woman. You're going to say something on that sub- 
 ject, of course." 
 
 " I'm going to begin with that." 
 
 " I thought you probably would, so I sat up last 
 night and made a baby's stomach I mean, of course, 
 a model of a baby's stomach out of part of the inner 
 tube of a bicycle tyre. It has exactly the cubic con- 
 tent of that of an infant three months old. I thought 
 it would be valuable to you by way of an illustration. 
 I left the valve on, so that you can pump milk or any- 
 thing else you like into it, and show what happens if 
 you overdo it." 
 
 " Don't you think that would be rather a disgusting 
 experiment ? " 
 
 " Not very," said Dr. Whitty, " and I'm sure every- 
 body would like it." 
 
 He called twice more in the course of the day, each 
 time with a suggestion for the improvement of Miss 
 Mulhall's lecture. At seven o'clock he arrived to 
 conduct her to the schoolroom. He found her sitting 
 at a table with a large bundle of manuscript in front 
 of her. His sterilising apparatus, a bundle of the 
 cast-off clothes of Mrs. Geraghty's baby, and the sec- 
 tion of the bicycle tyre stood together on the side- 
 board. Miss Mulhall was in a condition of extreme 
 nervousness.
 
 224 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " I'm dreadfully afraid," she said, " I shall break 
 down." 
 
 "Oh no, you won't!" said Dr. Whitty. "I shall 
 be close beside you. I'll take charge of all the ap- 
 paratus, and the moment you want anything I'll hand 
 it to you." 
 
 " That will make me worse." 
 
 " Don't think of your audience," said Dr. Whitty. 
 " Think of nothing except your subject. Let it take 
 a grip of you. Recollect that you have an absolutely 
 priceless opportunity of doing a great work. Hun- 
 dreds of lives may be spared lives of children who 
 might grow up to be Are you a Unionist or a Na- 
 tionalist, Miss Mulhall ? " 
 
 " I don't know, really. My father used to admire 
 Parnell, I believe." 
 
 " Then you're a Nationalist. So we'll say that the 
 children might grow up to be Wolfe Tones, every one 
 of them, if their lives aren't sacrificed at the start by 
 the ignorance of their mothers. Keep that sort of 
 consideration before your mind, and your nervousness 
 will vanish simply vanish." 
 
 " But " said Miss Mulhall. She paused and 
 looked at Dr. Whitty with a curious deprecating kind 
 of smile. 
 
 " Say to yourself," said the doctor, " ' The hand 
 that rocks the cradle rules the world.' Think how
 
 MISS MULHALL'S LECTURE 225 
 
 you are engaged in directing the hand to rock right. 
 It's the noblest and most inspiring work " 
 
 Again Miss Mulhall smiled. Dr. Whitty stopped 
 speaking. There was something about her smile which 
 puzzled him, a suggestion which eluded him com- 
 pletely. 
 
 " There were fourteen of us at home," said Miss 
 Mulhall, " and I was the eldest. My mother died 
 when the youngest was born." 
 
 " And you brought them all up ? " said Dr. Whitty. 
 
 " Yes." 
 
 " Then there isn't a woman in Ireland better quali- 
 fied than you are " 
 
 " That's just the difficulty," said Miss Mulhall. 
 
 " I beg your pardon. I don't quite catch " 
 
 Miss Mulhall laid her hand on the pile of manu- 
 script before her. The smile flickered on her lips 
 again, broadened, glowed. Laughter danced in her 
 eyes. 
 
 " I think all this is rather silly," she said. " Don't 
 you?" 
 
 Dr. Whitty stared at her. Then, suddenly, he burst 
 into a joyous laugh. He crossed the room, seized 
 Miss Mulhall's hand, and wrung it heartily. 
 
 The next day Colonel Beresford met Dr. Whitty 
 outside Thady Glynn's hotel. 
 
 " Look here, Whitty," he said, " what did you mean
 
 226 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 by insisting on my attending that lecture last night? 
 I never heard such a lot of rot talked in my life." 
 
 " It was a capital lecture," said the doctor. " You'd 
 go a long way before you'd hear a better or see a 
 nicer-looking lecturer than Miss Mulhall." 
 
 " Oh, the girl was all right ; but own up, now, 
 Whitty there was no sense in what she said. How 
 the deuce can you expect the women about here to 
 spend their time boiling soda water? " 
 
 " They're not wanted to boil soda water. What 
 you allude to was a demonstration of the art of ster- 
 ilising milk." 
 
 " It looked to me a great deal more like boiling 
 soda water. But take another point. You're a sen- 
 sible man, and you must know quite well that what 
 she said about washing children is perfectly ridiculous. 
 I don't deny that a child ought to be washed oc- 
 casionally, but she wants to overdo it. There's noth- 
 ing more wholesome than a little dirt. Take 
 Geraghty's children. I don't suppose they get a bath 
 from one year's end to the other, and I defy you 
 to find a healthier lot anywhere. Or look at my roses. 
 If they weren't mulched with manure manure, mind 
 you, Whitty, the filthiest thing there is they'd simply 
 die. It's just the same with children." 
 
 " You may abuse the lecture as much as ever you 
 like, colonel, but I won't have a word against Miss
 
 227 
 
 Mulhall in my presence. Not a word. It's better for 
 you to understand that at once. She's a lady I have 
 a very high regard for." 
 
 " Oh ! " said the colonel, drawing the exclamation 
 out slowly. 
 
 " Yes," said Dr. Whitty, " exactly so." 
 
 "I apologise," said the colonel. "If I'd known 
 When did you settle it ? " 
 
 " Last night, just before the lecture." 
 
 " I congratulate you," said the colonel. " I'll go 
 into the hotel now and congratulate Miss Mulhall. 
 If I'd had the slightest idea But I won't say an- 
 other word against the lecture." 
 
 " You may if you like," said the doctor. " I know 
 that lecture's all tommy-rot just as well as you do. 
 So does Miss Mulhall. In fact, she knows it a great 
 deal better than either of us; and you could hardly 
 say a word she wouldn't endorse. But I must say I 
 think that liquid manure theory of yours rather an 
 exaggeration. By the way, do you happen to know 
 Lady Claneder? " 
 
 " I met her once," said the colonel, " at my daugh- 
 ter's house in London." 
 
 " The next time you meet her I wish you'd try and 
 get her to wind up her Guild. It doesn't do any ac- 
 tual harm, I suppose, but it's a public nuisance'. Yon 
 can't imagine all I went through working up that lee-
 
 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 ture before I found out what Miss Mulhall's opinions 
 really were." 
 
 " Nothing," said Colonel Beresford, " will stop Lady 
 Claneder, unless she finds by experience that every 
 one of her assistants gets married when she sends 
 them out on tour. That might damp her ardour a lit- 
 tle."
 
 DR. WHITTY'S PATIENT 
 
 44 T CALLED on you this morning," said Dr. 
 
 * Whitty, " about a purely personal matter. But 
 perhaps you're busy ? " 
 
 " I'm thankful to say," said Colonel Beresford, 
 " that I'm past the age at which men think they can 
 preserve their self-respect only by being busy." 
 
 " It has occurred to me," said Dr. Whitty, " since 
 I got engaged to be married to Miss Mulhall, that, 
 though my income is all right for the quiet kind of life 
 we intend to lead, I haven't got the amount of capital 
 ready to hand that I ought to have, if we are to go on 
 a proper honeymoon." 
 
 " Some men," said the colonel, " would have 
 thought of that before they got engaged." 
 
 Dr. Whitty ignored this remark. 
 
 " It seems to me, therefore," he went on, " that it's 
 my duty to get a hold of some ready money. I'm 
 sure I can count on your help." 
 
 " If you expect me to become a chronic invalid or 
 poison my servants " 
 
 " Not at all. The idea in my mind " 
 229
 
 230 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " I once offered you a present of twenty pounds," 
 said the colonel, " and you practically threw the 
 cheque back in my face." 
 
 " I'm not begging," said Dr. Whitty ; " all I want of 
 you is your name as a reference." 
 
 "What for?" 
 
 " I'm thinking of starting a sanatorium. Hold on a 
 minute here's the advertisement : ' Nervous Pa- 
 tients ' that, of course, means habitual drunkards ; 
 it's put in that way to save unpleasantness for their 
 relatives ' received in a doctor's house. Bracing 
 neighbourhood. Gravel soil. Personal supervision. 
 
 References kindly permitted to ' Then comes 
 
 your name, and, after it, Father Henaghan's and Mr. 
 Jackson's. I have them both, so as to show that the 
 religion of the patient will be properly attended to, 
 whatever sort it is." 
 
 " And what do you expect to make out of that? " 
 
 " I shall ask 10 a week," said the doctor, " and, if 
 I light on the right kind of drunkard, I dare say I 
 shall get it." 
 
 " Is there much choice ? I should have thought 
 they were all rather disgusting." 
 
 " There is a choice, of course. The best kind is a 
 young man whose father has made a large fortune 
 honestly, and so clings to the idea of respectability. 
 The son, having been educated expensively, gets into
 
 DR. WHITTY'S PATIENT 231 
 
 what is supposed to be good society. There, he ac- 
 quires habits which Well, the father, after do- 
 ing his best for a time, determines to put the young 
 man under control in some rather distant place. 
 That's the really strong point about my advertisement. 
 If you live in the English Midlands, as the man I have 
 in mind almost certainly does, nowhere seems farther 
 off than Western Connacht. I shall get my 10 a 
 week to a certainty if I have the luck to light on a 
 man of that sort." 
 
 " I dare say you will," said Colonel Beresford. " I'm 
 told that advertising is the one sure means of making 
 money; and your effort is no more immoral than the 
 rest." 
 
 " I'm not quite sure," said Dr. Whitty, " that I un- 
 derstand what you mean. Where does the immor- 
 ality come in? " 
 
 " Well, advertisements, as a rule, lie like Ananias 
 and Sapphira. Yours, for instance, says ' Bracing 
 neighbourhood.' " 
 
 " That's not a lie. It's simply a formula, like ' Dear 
 Sir ' at the beginning of a letter." 
 
 " ' Gravel soil/ then, is like ' very sincerely 
 yours ' ? " 
 
 " Precisely, and the rest of the advertisement is 
 true." 
 
 " Considering," said the colonel, " that every shop
 
 232 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 in Ballintra except one is a public-house, it seems to 
 me it would have been wiser to have aimed at some 
 other kind of patient." 
 
 " I might have done that, of course ; but a drunk- 
 ard is much the most likely sort to get." 
 
 " He'll need a good deal of ' personal supervision,' " 
 said the colonel. 
 
 " I don't mean to be the person who supervises. I 
 couldn't spare the time." 
 
 " Ah ! You mean to engage a sort of keeper." 
 
 " Certainly not. In the first place, those fellows are 
 frightfully expensive and I'm trying to make money. 
 In the next place, men of that sort irritate the patient. 
 What I mean to do is to hire Michael Geraghty's lit- 
 tle girl, the eldest one, Molly, who is about fourteen. 
 I can get her for five shillings a week, and she'll find 
 the greatest pleasure in walking round with the drunk- 
 ard." 
 
 " But she won't be able to stop him drinking." 
 
 " Oh yes, she will. You may not have observed it, 
 colonel, but men who drink are invariably kind-hearted 
 and fond of children. Molly will appeal to his better 
 nature. That's part of my system. No man would 
 touch more than he ought while a nice little girl was 
 holding him by the hand." 
 
 Ten days later, Colonel Beresford received a letter 
 marked " Private and Confidential."
 
 DR. WHITTY'S PATIENT 233 
 
 "Dear Sir," he read "you will, I feel sure, ex- 
 cuse my troubling you, when I mention that I write to 
 make inquiries about the character and position of Dr. 
 Whitty of your town, whose advertisement gives your 
 name among others as a reference. I am particularly 
 anxious to know whether Dr. Whitty is a man of 
 cheerful disposition. It has become necessary, in con- 
 sequence of a serious nervous breakdown, to secure 
 for my son a period of complete rest and quiet. I 
 think it desirable that he should be under the super- 
 vision of a competent medical man, although I trust 
 he will not require actual treatment, and it is abso- 
 lutely necessary that his surroundings should be bright 
 and cheerful. I shall feel obliged if you will give me 
 your candid opinion of Dr. Whitty, and I shall regard 
 anything you write as strictly confidential. I am, 
 
 " Yours truly, 
 
 "J. HATFIELD." 
 
 The notepaper bore the name of a firm, " Hatfield 
 & Co., Engineers and Contractors," with a business 
 address ; but this was scratched out and " Cedar 
 Lawn, Edenberry, Newcastle-on-Tyne," substi- 
 tuted. 
 
 Colonel Beresford replied cautiously. He said he 
 held the highest opinion of Dr. Whitty 's personal char- 
 acter and medical skill, absolutely guaranteed his 
 gaiety, and gave it as his opinion that rest and quiet 
 would be obtainable in Ballintra if anywhere in the 
 world. He added, that he did not in any way vouch
 
 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 for the value of Dr. Whitty's methods of dealing with 
 nervous patients. Three days later, he received a call 
 from Dr. Whitty. 
 
 "Thanks, colonel," he said. "Your letter did the 
 trick for me. Old Hatfield is evidently a British mer- 
 chant of the most superior possible kind. He offered 
 actually offered eight guineas a week, and his 
 son is just the kind of man I want." 
 
 "Nervous breakdown?" asked the colonel. 
 
 " Precisely. The old boy was frightfully nice about 
 it. You could see at once that he is really fond of 
 Herbert Herbert is the son's name." 
 
 " Of course," said the colonel. " It was sure to 
 be." 
 
 " He wrote me a long letter and put the whole thing 
 down to Herbert's artistic temperament and the nerve 
 strain which that involved. It appears that he did 
 uncommonly well at Oxford Herbert, I mean, not 
 the engineer and contractor and won a prize for 
 writing poetry. Then he went up to London, and 
 there, apparently, things began to get serious, though 
 they'd evidently been bad enough at Oxford, and old 
 Hatfield connects the trouble in some way with the 
 prize poem. Herbert himself is quite willing to try 
 the experiment of placing himself under my care for 
 a while. He is, so his father says, a young man of 
 very amiable disposition who makes friends wherever
 
 DR. WHITTY'S PATIENT 235 
 
 he goes. I expect he'll take to Molly Geraghty at 
 once. I dare say I shall have him for as much as 
 three months, and at the end of that time " 
 
 He paused and was evidently engaged in multiply- 
 ing eight guineas by thirteen, a sum difficult to do 
 without a pencil and a piece of paper. 
 
 "You'll be in a position to marry," said the colo- 
 nel. 
 
 " Yes/' said Dr. Whitty, when he had finished his 
 sum, " I shall." 
 
 A week later Herbert Hatfield arrived, and for 
 some days Colonel Beresford saw nothing of the doc- 
 tor. He felt a good deal of curiosity about the prog- 
 ress of the new cure for inebriety, and, meeting 
 Michael Geraghty on the road, took the opportunity 
 of trying to find out what was going on. 
 
 " I hear," he said, " that Dr. Whitty has engaged 
 your eldest girl as housemaid, Michael. How does 
 she like it?" 
 
 " It isn't housemaid she is," said Michael, " nor yet 
 cook." 
 
 "What is she, then?" 
 
 " I wouldn't wonder," said Michael, " if she's what 
 they call a companion. Anyway, all she has to do is 
 to walk about along with a strange gentleman the 
 doctor has with him, and for that she's getting five 
 shillings a week and her dinner."
 
 236 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " It sounds an easy job." 
 
 " You may say that." 
 
 " And is he a nice gentleman? " 
 
 " As quiet as ever you seen, barring an odd time 
 when his temper would be riz, and, even with that, 
 Molly says she never heard a curse out of him not 
 what you'd call a proper curse. It was only this 
 morning he said to her, ' Child, there's half a crown 
 for you. Go and buy dolls and sweets/ he says, ' and 
 leave me in peace by myself.' You wouldn't call that 
 cursing?" 
 
 " I would not," said the colonel. " I suppose she 
 took the half crown." 
 
 " She did, of course. Is it likely she'd vex him 
 worse than he was vexed ? " 
 
 "Was he vexed?" 
 
 " He was. Didn't I tell you he was ? The two eyes 
 were starting out of him with the rage he was in, and, 
 with every look he took at Molly, he got worse instead 
 of better." 
 
 " Did she go away ? " 
 
 " She did not. She'd be in dread to do the like ; for 
 the doctor said he'd chastise her if ever she let the 
 gentleman out of her sight, and the most of the time 
 she was to be holding his hand, if so be he'd let her." 
 
 Colonel Beresford's curiosity was intensely excited
 
 DR. WHITTY'S PATIENT 237 
 
 by this account of Herbert Hatfield's dealings with 
 Molly Geraghty. He made up his mind to call on Dr. 
 Whitty and find out further details about the be- 
 haviour of the inebriate stranger. He was aware that 
 he was acting in an undignified way by openly pur- 
 suing gossip which was not offered to him; but he 
 consoled himself by reflecting that he had not much 
 dignity to lose, and that, in any case, Dr. Whitty had 
 none. He found, as he expected, that the doctor was 
 quite ready to talk freely. 
 
 " I'm sorry, colonel," he said, " that I haven't been 
 able to go up to see you since poor Herbert arrived. 
 I simply wasn't able to get away. Molly manages ad- 
 mirably and sticks to him like a leech ; but, of course, 
 I'm responsible. Herbert arrived here this day last 
 week, a frightful wreck, face haggard, eyes sunken, 
 hands shaking like what-do-you-call-'em leaves." 
 
 "Aspen?" 
 
 "Yes, aspen; that's what he said himself. Being 
 a poet, he'd be bound to say something of the sort. I 
 can't recollect ever having noticed an aspen leaf, 
 but" 
 
 " The aspen tree, I believe, is the same thing as a 
 poplar," said the colonel. "But it doesn't grow in 
 this part of the world." 
 
 " All I can say is that if its leaves are anything like
 
 238 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 poor Herbert's hands they can't be much use to it. 
 His body was frightfully emaciated." 
 
 "Nose red?" 
 
 " No, pale grey. A nose doesn't get red except 
 after a long course. Herbert, apparently, has only 
 been really going it for about a year. Well, I gave 
 him a bit of dinner, and, seeing the state he was in, 
 offered him a bottle of porter. What do you think he 
 said? He had the nerve to assure me that he never 
 touched alcohol in any form. I call that rather a bad 
 sign. I'd rather have a man who owned up frankly. 
 However, I did not say anything, but, as soon as din- 
 ner was over, I introduced him to Molly, who was 
 waiting in the hall. He didn't seem as much inter- 
 ested in her as I had hoped. However, he went for a 
 walk and she followed him. The next day the trouble 
 began." 
 
 " Ah! At Thady Glynn's, I suppose? " 
 
 " No. It's a curious instance of the crafty way 
 these poor fellows go about things; he didn't show 
 the smallest wish to go near the town. He went down 
 and sat on Michael Geraghty's pier and looked at the 
 sea. Molly, of course, sat beside him. At first, he 
 didn't take any notice of her; but, after a while, he 
 inquired why she wasn't at school. From that on, he 
 made a series of efforts to get rid of her. He tried
 
 DR. WHITTY'S PATIENT 239 
 
 walking fast, and even running, but Molly is an active 
 child, so he didn't make much by that. Then he tried 
 climbing up rocks and places, where he thought she 
 wouldn't be able to follow him. He soon found out 
 his mistake. A child of that age is an extraordinarily 
 good climber as a rule. Then he fell back on the 
 school idea and made his way up to Michael Ger- 
 aghty's workshop. He had inquired, of course, from 
 Molly who her father was. He didn't make much by 
 that. Michael listened to all he had to say about the 
 advantages of education for the young and the duty 
 of parents. Then he told Herbert that Molly was 
 half-witted and couldn't be taught anything, so there 
 was no use sending her to school. Herbert appar- 
 ently didn't believe that. He went off the next day to 
 the schoolmaster and made further inquiries. The 
 master, of course, was prepared to back up anything 
 Michael had said, but somehow he took the matter up 
 wrong. He thought it was Herbert Hatfield who had 
 been accusing Molly of being half-witted, and that 
 Michael had been defending his daughter's reputa- 
 tion." 
 
 " I don't blame him," said the colonel. " Nobody 
 would expect a father to be giving away his own child 
 like that to a perfect stranger." 
 
 " I dare say. Anyway, he said that Molly was the
 
 240 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 smartest girl he had, and that the only reason she 
 didn't go regularly to school was that her education 
 was practically complete. 
 
 " That seems to have aroused Herbert's suspicions 
 worse than ever. He went straight up to the Pres- 
 bytery and asked Father Henaghan to tell him the 
 truth about Molly. Father Henaghan wanted to do 
 the best he could to make things pleasant for Herbert, 
 but didn't know what either Michael or the school- 
 master had told him. He said that, owing to an out- 
 break of measles among the other Geraghty children, 
 he had strictly forbidden Molly to go to school, hop- 
 ing in that .way to prevent the spread of infection. 
 Herbert then inquired for the school attendance of- 
 ficer." 
 
 " Thinking, I suppose, that we had compulsory edu- 
 cation in this country?" 
 
 " Apparently. When he found out that there was 
 no such person he gave up the idea of trying to get 
 rid of Molly by sending her to school." 
 
 "What did he do next?" 
 
 " He threatened her with the police," said the doc- 
 tor. " Molly was frightened at first, and told her 
 father when she went home that night. Michael said 
 she needn't mind, because, even if she was arrested, 
 nothing would be done to her afterwards. He said 
 that you were a magistrate, and generally got your own
 
 DR. WHITTY'S PATIENT 2-11 
 
 way on the Bench, and that you wouldn't send any 
 one to prison for following Herbert H'atfield about, 
 because you were as keen as everybody else on having 
 him properly watched." 
 
 " I wish he hadn't said that. I don't like being 
 dragged into this business." 
 
 " It's all right," said the doctor. " Molly didn't tell 
 Herbert what her father had said. She simply turned 
 up smiling the next morning." 
 
 " Then he tried bribing her," said the colonel. 
 " Michael told me all about that." 
 
 " It will be very interesting to see what he does 
 next, now that bribery has failed. In the meanwhile 
 the thing is working out splendidly. He hasn't, to my 
 certain knowledge, had a drop of any kind of drink, 
 except water and tea, since he came here ; and he's be- 
 ginning to fatten already. His hands are not half as 
 shaky as they were at first Hullo! Here he is." 
 
 A minute later Herbert Hatfield, having banged the 
 hall door behind him, entered the room. 
 
 " Doctor Whitty," he said, " I must ask you for 
 some explanation of the extraordinary way " 
 
 "My friend, Colonel Beresford Mr. Hatfield," 
 said the doctor, performing the ceremony of introduc- 
 tion. 
 
 The colonel and Herbert Hatfield bowed. 
 
 " Perhaps," said Herbert, " I could speak to you in
 
 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 private for a few minutes, if Colonel Beresford will 
 excuse us." 
 
 " If it's Molly Geraghty you want to talk of," said 
 the doctor, " there's not the least necessity for a pri- 
 vate interview. The colonel knows all about it and 
 strongly approves " 
 
 " No ; I don't," said the colonel. 
 
 " Of course you don't/' said Herbert Hatfield. 
 " No sane man 
 
 " Keep as calm as you can," said Dr. Whitty, " and 
 tell us exactly what your grievance is." 
 
 " My grievance ? I am followed about day and 
 night " 
 
 " Don't exaggerate," said Dr. Whitty. " She goes 
 home at night." 
 
 " I'm followed about all day," said Herbert Hat- 
 field, " by a horrid little girl. There she is sitting on 
 the window-sill waiting for me." 
 
 Dr. Whitty glanced at Molly. 
 
 " She looks to me a nice little girl," he said. " She's 
 quite pretty." 
 
 "I don't like her," said Herbert Hatfield; "and, 
 even if I did like her, I shouldn't want to have her 
 always treading on my heels." 
 
 " I'll tell her not to do that, if you like." 
 
 " Tell her to go away and leave me at peace." 
 
 " No, I won't. You are here to be cured of a dan-
 
 DR. WHITTY'S PATIENT 243 
 
 gerous and highly objectionable kind of disease, and, 
 in my opinion, Molly Geraghty is doing you a lot of 
 good." 
 
 " She's making me worse. I'm going mad. I shall 
 become a raving lunatic if she follows me about any 
 more." 
 
 " Not at all. So long as you keep off the whisky, 
 you'll be as sane as any man living." 
 
 " Whisky ! I never touch whisky." 
 
 " Well, gin, or brandy, or rum, or absinthe, or what- 
 ever it is you do drink. I expect it's some queer, out- 
 of-the-way foreign spirit." 
 
 " I tell you, I don't drink at all, and never did." 
 
 " Your father told me," said Dr. Whitty, " that you 
 were a pretty nearly hopeless case of nervous break- 
 down. If that doesn't mean drink, I don't know what 
 it does mean." 
 
 " And do you mean to say that you've set that child 
 on to follow me about in order to prevent my going 
 into public-houses ? " 
 
 " Exactly," said Dr. Whitty, " and, what's more, 
 the treatment is doing you a lot of good. You 
 couldn't have stood up to me and argued the way 
 you're doing when you came here a week ago. Look 
 at your hands now, man. Are they aspen leaves ? " 
 
 Herbert Hatfield stretched out one of his hands and 
 stared at it. Then he laughed suddenly.
 
 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " By Jove ! " he said, " I believe you're right. It is 
 doing me good. I slept last night too: the whole 
 night." 
 
 " That's Molly Geraghty," said the doctor. 
 
 " All the same," said Herbert Hatfield, " I'm not a 
 drunkard. I'm it may seem rather absurd to you, 
 but my nervous breakdown really was the consequence 
 of great mental strain. I am engaged in writing 
 surely my father must have told you that I am a 
 poet." 
 
 " If you prefer to call it poetry," said Dr. Whitty, 
 " I don't mind. All I want to impress on you is that 
 Molly Geraghty is the best means I know of getting 
 you well again. So long as she is after you, you can't 
 give way " 
 
 " He means," said the colonel, " that she'll keep 
 your mind off poetry." 
 
 " She certainly has done that," said Herbert Hat- 
 field. 
 
 " Then stick to her," said the doctor, " or, rather, 
 let her stick to you. And if I were you, I should 
 allow her to hold your hands as you walk about." 
 
 Herbert Hatfield stayed in Ballintra for six weeks. 
 After he left, he sent Molly Geraghty a present of an 
 immense doll's house, fully furnished and crowded 
 with inhabitants. Some months later Dr. Whitty 
 made a confession to Colonel Beresford.
 
 DR. WHITTY'S PATIENT 245 
 
 " Do you know," he said, " that fellow, Herbert 
 Hatfield, really was a teetotaler after all. I asked his 
 father the question straight, when I was acknowledg- 
 ing his cheque." 
 
 "And a poet?" 
 
 " I didn't inquire. But I dare say he was. After 
 all, there must have been something to account for the 
 horrid state he was in when he arrived. If it wasn't 
 drink, it's as likely to have been poetry as anything 
 else."
 
 XIII 
 . THE HONEYMOON 
 
 R- WHITTY and his friend Eccles of the Con- 
 gested Districts Board sat together at dinner 
 in a Dublin hotel. They had a small table to them- 
 selves in a corner of the dining-room. Intimate con- 
 versation became possible when the waiter had 
 brought them their coffee and ceased to hover round 
 them. Dr. Whitty's marriage was to take place the 
 next morning, and Eccles found a bachelor's delight 
 in placing before him the exceedingly awkward posi- 
 tion in which a man finds himself on such occasions. 
 
 "You appear to think I'm nervous," said Dr. 
 Whitty, " but you're mistaken. I'm not, in the least." 
 
 Eccles smiled maliciously. He thought that his 
 friend's manner displayed every symptom of acute 
 discomfort. 
 
 " If," said the doctor, " I was nervous and fright- 
 ened of the girl, I shouldn't marry her. As a matter 
 of fact, Lucy that is to say, Miss Mulhall doesn't 
 
 246
 
 THE HONEYMOON 247 
 
 strike me as the sort of girl who would terrify any- 
 one. She's extremely nice and gentle in her manner." 
 
 " What you're nervous about," said Eccles, " isn't, 
 of course, the lady; it's the ceremony. I've seen 
 bolder men than you quail at the prospect of standing 
 up unprotected before a large congregation and saying 
 things out loud which, on ordinary occasions, they'd 
 shrink from even whispering." 
 
 "After all, what's the ceremony?" asked the doc- 
 tor. " It's nothing to an operation. I assure you, 
 Eccles, I've seen men face the prospect of the knife 
 without turning a hair. Is it likely I'd funk standing 
 up-" 
 
 " They won't give you ether, you know." 
 
 " As a matter of fact," said the doctor, after a short 
 pause, " I don't mind the prospect of that part a bit. 
 What I do rather dislike" 
 
 " Ah ! " said Eccles, " I thought from your manner 
 there must be something." 
 
 " is the way I shall have to go about as a marked 
 man during the three weeks we've got for our honey- 
 moon. I know the way people people like you, 
 Eccles whisper, nudge each other, and then smile 
 in hotels and steamers and railway carriages. You 
 seem to think there's something comic about a 
 newly married couple. I regard that whole attitude
 
 248 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 of mind as simply disgusting and unbearably 
 vulgar." 
 
 "Why don't you go to some lonely place?" 
 
 " There isn't such a thing in the world ; and if 
 there was, we'd still have to travel in a public convey- 
 ance and stop in beastly hotels before we got there. 
 As a matter of fact, we're going to the Channel 
 Islands Guernsey or Sark, or one of the others." 
 
 " You couldn't have chosen a worse spot," said 
 Eccles. " Tobacco and whisky are cheap, of course, 
 but at this season of the year those islands are full 
 of people on holidays who will have nothing better 
 to do than crack jokes about you jokes which you 
 will be painfully conscious of." 
 
 " I was afraid of that," said Dr. Whitty, sighing. 
 " But what can I do ? We must go somewhere. I 
 spoke to Lucy about it, and suggested she should wear 
 nothing but old clothes, with a view to disguising our 
 position, you know." 
 
 " You couldn't possibly expect her to agree to that. 
 I don't think it was a fair thing to ask. A honeymoon 
 is the one chance most girls get in their lives of wear- 
 ing new dresses day after day. It would be absolutely 
 brutal." 
 
 " She wouldn't agree," said Dr. Whitty, " though 
 she was awfully nice about it. She said she felt for 
 me so much that if I liked she'd wear old boots. It
 
 THE HONEYMOON 249 
 
 appears that somebody her youngest brother, I 
 think told her that the one sure way of recognising 
 a honeymoon couple was by the soles of the bride's 
 boots. Do you think that's true ? " 
 
 " No," said Eccles, " it's not. I don't set up to be 
 particularly expert in these matters, but I should 
 think that anyone with a real eye for newly married 
 couples could judge, not so much by the lady's 
 dresses, boots, or hat, as by the man's manner. You 
 may take my word for it, Whitty, there's something 
 about a young husband an air of affectionate pro- 
 tectiveness, a mixture of shyness and familiarity, a 
 kind of general appearance of cooing-ness which 
 couldn't possibly be mistaken, whatever boots the lady 
 wore." 
 
 "If that's all," said Dr. Whitty, with an air of relief, 
 " I shall be able to manage all right. I suppose now 
 that if I make a point of travelling in a smoking car- 
 riage and putting her into a ' Ladies Only ' 
 
 " If you're going to be rude to your wife, she'll 
 simply turn round and go straight home. No self- 
 respecting girl would stand it." 
 
 " I shall explain to Lucy beforehand," said the doc- 
 tor, " why I'm doing it. She'll understand." 
 
 " No, she won't. And I strongly recommend you 
 not to try. Take my word for it, Whitty - 
 
 " You talk," said the doctor, " as if you were a
 
 250 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 Turk, and had been married a dozen times or more; 
 whereas you don't really know any more about it than 
 I do, if as much." 
 
 " Well," said Eccles, " go your own way ; but if it 
 ends in a judicial separation or a perriianent estrange- 
 ment, don't blame me. I've done the best I could to 
 warn you of the risk you're running." 
 
 Four days later they had dawdled on their way 
 in Chester and London Dr. and Mrs. Whitty crossed 
 the gangway to the deck of the steamer which was to 
 carry them from Southampton to the island of Guern- 
 sey. The day was a brilliantly fine one in the middle 
 of July, and there were a good many other passengers. 
 Dr. Whitty eyed them with sensitive suspicion. He 
 secured a comfortable chair for his wife, and placed it 
 on the lee side of the deck under shelter of the entrance 
 to the saloon. He himself stood at a considerable dis- 
 tance from her, and tried to look as if he had little or 
 no connection with her. While the steamer was 
 threading her way among the shipping of the Solent 
 Mrs. Whitty called him : 
 
 " George, do come over and sit beside me. I want 
 to talk to you." 
 
 By way of giving him confidence, she pushed a 
 foot from the shelter of the rug in which she had 
 wrapped herself. Her boot was undeniably old. It 
 must have been one of the oldest she possessed, for
 
 THE HONEYMOON 251 
 
 the leather was cracked along the sewing of the toe- 
 cap. Dr. Whitty glanced at it, and then at his fellow- 
 passengers. None of them seemed to be taking any 
 notice of what he did. He ventured quite close to 
 Mrs. Whitty. She put out her other foot. There 
 was a small patch on the side of its boot. Dr. Whitty 
 looked at it with great satisfaction. The boots 
 formed a striking contrast to the unmistakable new- 
 ness of everything else which Mrs. Whitty wore. He 
 set up a second deck-chair, and sat down on it cau- 
 tiously. 
 
 The sea, even after the steamer left the shelter of 
 the Isle of Wight, was perfectly calm, and many pas- 
 sengers paced up and down the deck. Some of them 
 glanced at Dr. and Mrs. Whitty, but appeared very 
 little interested in them. 
 
 " I really think, George," she said, " that you 
 needn't be so nervous. After all, even if anyone does 
 guess, we've nothing to be ashamed of. We're not 
 doing anything wrong." 
 
 " Lucy," he said, " you were just as much annoyed 
 as I was this morning at breakfast in the hotel when 
 those people at the next table looked at us and gig- 
 gled." 
 
 " They were extremely rude. I can't imagine how 
 people can have such bad manners." 
 
 " I rather think," said Dr. Whitty, " that I saw them
 
 252 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 again at the station just before the train started. I'm 
 nearly sure it was the same man. I hope they're not 
 on the steamer. Hang it! There they are." 
 
 A man, perhaps forty years of age, neatly dressed 
 and having a certain air of confident superiority, came 
 on deck. With him was a lady, considerably younger 
 than he was, tall, blonde, and, like her companion, self- 
 satisfied. The man paused for a moment and lit a 
 cigarette. Then he and the lady began to pace the 
 deck together. The slight sway of the steamer was 
 no doubt the reason why she laid a hand on his arm. 
 They passed the Whittys. Their manners, as Mrs. 
 Whitty had observed, were deplorably bad. At the 
 sight of the two deck-chairs side by side the man 
 smiled in a way which struck Dr. Whitty as insolent. 
 The lady giggled slightly and then blushed. Dr. 
 Whitty rose from his chair at once, took up a position 
 at some distance from his wife, and lit a pipe. Mrs. 
 Whitty's boots, when the strange couple passed her 
 again, were prominent. 
 
 After pacing the deck until they must have walked 
 at least a mile, the man and his blonde companion 
 stood still and leaned across the bulwarks. Dr. 
 Whitty watched them until he had finished his pipe. 
 Then he went into the cabin. At the end of a quarter 
 of an hour he came on deck again, lit another pipe,
 
 THE HONEYMOON 253 
 
 and walked, with an air of detached unconcern, to the 
 place where his wife sat. 
 
 " Lucy," he said, " I've found out all about those 
 people. They are a Captain and Mrs. Elphinstone, 
 and they are going to Guernsey. The steward told me 
 that. I found her bag afterwards, and it was labelled 
 for our hotel. I think we'd better stop in Jersey." 
 
 " We can't. We've taken our rooms, and, besides, 
 I want to see Guernsey. I don't believe Jersey is half 
 so nice." 
 
 " In that case," said Dr. Whitty, " I must do some- 
 thing to divert their suspicions. I can't have those 
 two grinning at us every morning at breakfast and 
 every evening at dinner. Besides, they'd tell all the 
 other people at the hotel. It would make our stay 
 there perfectly intolerable." 
 
 " But what can you do ? " 
 
 Dr. Whitty made no answer. He stood with his 
 pipe in his hand until it went out. Then he walked 
 across the deck and took up a position close to Cap- 
 tain and Mrs. Elphinstone. They were gazing at the 
 sea. Dr. Whitty also gazed at the sea, holding his 
 smokeless pipe between his teeth. 
 
 " I beg your pardon, sir," he said, after waiting for 
 five minutes in the hope that Captain Elphinstone 
 would look round.
 
 254 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 The appeal produced no effect. Dr. Whitty tried 
 again : 
 
 " I beg your pardon, sir ; but would you oblige me 
 with a match? My pipe has gone out." 
 
 He touched Captain Elphinstone's arm as he spoke 
 to make sure of attracting attention. 
 
 " Oh ! Ah ! yes, certainly." 
 
 Captain Elphinstone seemed startled by the request, 
 but he put his hand into his pocket and drew out a 
 silver matchbox. Dr. Whitty lit his pipe. 
 
 " A lovely day," he said, " beautifully calm." 
 
 " Yes," said Captain Elphinstone ; " it is." 
 
 " Going to Jersey ? " 
 
 " No. We mean to stop in Guernsey. Do you 
 know the island ? " 
 
 " Curiously enough I do not. In fact, that is one 
 of my reasons for going there. My wife and I both 
 want to see Guernsey. We've travelled a good deal, 
 and we are particularly fond of islands. In fact, ever 
 since we were married we've made a point of seeing 
 some island or other every summer." 
 
 Dr. Whitty noticed with satisfaction that Mrs. 
 Elphinstone began to show some interest in the con- 
 versation. She glanced rapidly at her husband, and 
 her face appeared to express a slight feeling of dis- 
 appointment.
 
 THE HONEYMOON 255 
 
 " We visited the Isle of Man ten years ago," said 
 Dr. Whitty. 
 
 "Really!" said Mrs. Elphinstone. "I should 
 scarcely have thought from her appearance that 
 Mrs. that your wife could have been married so 
 long." 
 
 " Whitty is our name," said the doctor. " We were 
 married very young very young indeed. She was 
 little more than a child. But we've always got on 
 capitally. For our second summer we went to Skye. 
 No, Skye was the year after. It was in Bute we took 
 our second holiday. Then we had a very pleasant 
 time in the Isle of Wight the year after that. The 
 next year we made our way to the Scilly Isles. Then 
 we tried the Hebrides North Uist, you know, and 
 the others. After that we went to the Orkneys, and 
 now we're on our way to Guernsey." 
 
 He smiled pleasantly. His stock of islands was run- 
 ning out, and he feared he had not accounted for the 
 whole ten years of married life which he had claimed. 
 He hoped that he had said enough to satisfy the El- 
 phinstones. He tried to count up the islands he had 
 mentioned with a view to finding out how many years 
 out of the ten remained islandless. To his disgust 
 he found that Mrs. Elphinstone was also counting. 
 She was pressing the fingers, first of her left hand,
 
 256 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 then of her right, one by one on the wooden rail in 
 front of her, while her lips silently formed the names 
 of the islands which Dr. Whitty had mentioned. She 
 began with the little finger on her left hand. It repre- 
 sented the Isle of Man. The thumb and first finger 
 of her right hand went down for North Uist and the 
 Orkneys. Then she paused. The second finger was 
 poised interrogatively in the air. Dr. Whitty realised 
 that he was three islands short. He threw in another 
 after a short hesitation. 
 
 " Last year," he said, " we got as far as Madeira." 
 
 Mrs. Elphinstone put down her middle finger and 
 looked at him questioningly. Dr. Whitty's memory 
 failed him hopelessly. He could not think of an 
 eighth island nearer than the Pacific Ocean. Mrs. 
 Elphinstone's third and fourth fingers were still hov- 
 ering uncertainly above the rail. 
 
 " There were two years," said Dr. Whitty, " in 
 which we couldn't manage to get away. The chil- 
 dren were young, you know. My wife never could 
 bear to leave them while they were babies. I dare 
 say "- he looked anxiously at Mrs. Elphinstone 
 " that you sympathise with her." 
 
 She blushed. It was the second time that Dr. 
 Whitty had seen her blush. He felt relieved. Her 
 blush was a symptom of embarrassment, and when 
 embarrassed she was not likely to be laughing at him.
 
 THE HONEYMOON 257 
 
 Captain Elphinstone, who seemed to find the situation, 
 awkward, came to his wife's rescue with a remark. 
 
 " Very interesting," he said, " a most original plan 
 for holidays. You're a good sailor, I suppose." 
 
 "First-rate," said Dr. Whitty. "So is my wife. 
 I recollect the time we went to North Uist. We 
 crossed in a gale of wind from Glasgow, and " 
 
 " From Oban surely," said Captain Elphinstone. 
 
 " Oban, of course. I get confused occasionally be- 
 tween the various islands. It was to Bute we went 
 from Glasgow." 
 
 " More likely to have been Greenock," said the 
 captain. 
 
 " At all events, we went," said the doctor shortly, 
 " and it blew a gale of wind. My wife and I were 
 the only two passengers who dined that day." 
 
 Then, feeling his geography to be weak, and being 
 unwilling to venture upon further reminiscences which 
 might provoke criticism, he bid good-day to the 
 Elphinstones and returned to Mrs. Whitty. 
 
 " I think," he said, with an air of complete satisfac- 
 tion, " that I've put those two entirely off the scent. 
 I explained to them that we have been married ten 
 years." 
 
 "Oh, George!" 
 
 " So you can put on decent boots to-morrow. Those 
 ones won't be wanted anv more. Of course, if you
 
 258 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WIIITTY 
 
 happen to get into conversation with Mrs. Elphin- 
 stone you had better stand over my statement. I 
 told her we had visited all the islands within reach, 
 one island each summer. Recollect that, Lucy, in 
 case she starts talking to you about the Orkneys or 
 any other place of that sort. I don't think she's been 
 to any islands herself, so you are pretty safe in enlarg- 
 ing on the scenery. I also told her that there were 
 two years during which we didn't visit any island. I 
 said that you were unwilling to leave " 
 
 He stopped abruptly. 
 
 " To leave what ? " 
 
 " Your two young brothers, while they were babies. 
 I said that you'd brought them up from their child- 
 hood." 
 
 "What did you say that for?" 
 
 " Well, I hardly liked to mention the whole thirteen 
 it seemed such a lot. I hope you won't correct my 
 statement. I wouldn't like her to think there were 
 fourteen of you. In fact, if you don't much mind, 
 Lucy, I dare say it will be better for you not to talk 
 to Mrs. Elphinstone at all. She's a vulgar sort of 
 woman." 
 
 " That's what I said this morning at breakfast." 
 
 " And you were perfectly right. A woman who is 
 capable of giggling in that odious way, just because
 
 THE HONEYMOON 259 
 
 she happened to think, quite erroneously, that we were 
 only just married." 
 
 " But we haven't really been ten years married." 
 " She thinks we have now," said Dr. Whitty, " and 
 that's the same thing, so far as she is concerned." 
 
 When the steamer arrived at the pier at Guernsey, 
 it turned out that Mrs. Whitty's dressing-bag, a pain- 
 fully new one, had got mixed up with the luggage of 
 another passenger. It took the doctor some time to 
 recover it. The Elphinstones, whose luggage was 
 forthcoming at once, got a long start and arrived at 
 the hotel first. Dr. Whitty, when he had secured all 
 his belongings, conducted his wife to the room re- 
 served for them. Then he went downstairs, at her 
 request, to get any letters that might be waiting for 
 them. The Guernsey hotel was their first fixed stop- 
 ping-place, and any correspondence which had fol- 
 lowed them from Ireland ought to be waiting for 
 them. He was directed by a waiter to a rack which 
 hung on the wall at the far end of the entrance hall. 
 He observed, without any feeling of suspicion, that 
 Captain and Mrs. Elphinstone were standing together 
 in front of the rack. They looked round as he ap- 
 proached, and Mrs. Elphinstone smiled broadly. 
 Her husband did more than smile. He burst into an 
 immoderate fit of laughter. Dr. Whitty, very un-
 
 260 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 comfortable, but unable to guess at the nature of the 
 joke, glanced at the rack. Three letters, fixed behind 
 green tapes, caught his eye at once. They had all 
 been addressed to " Miss Mulhall, 243 Upper Rath- 
 mines, Dublin." This had been scratched out and 
 another address substituted : " Mrs. George Whitty, 
 Royal Hotel, Guernsey." Some one Dr. Whitty 
 suspected his youngest brother-in-law had put, in 
 red ink, a note of exclamation after the erased " Miss 
 Mulhall " on all three envelopes. 
 
 Dr. Whitty took the letters and fled swiftly across 
 the hall. He was aware that both Captain and Mrs. 
 Elphinstone were laughing at him. He even noticed 
 that Mrs. Elphinstone's face was once again deeply 
 flushed. He ran upstairs to his room, entered it, and 
 locked the door behind him. 
 
 " There's no use your unpacking, Lucy," he said, 
 " we leave this island at once." 
 
 "Why?" 
 
 " There's the reason," he said, laying the three let- 
 ters on the bed. " I saw those confounded Elphin- 
 stones reading the addresses and then giggling in the 
 most offensive way. I wish to goodness your people 
 would have had the sense to put those letters into 
 fresh envelopes. They might have guessed there'd 
 be trouble if they simply scratched out your name. 
 And hang it all! I told the Elphinstones we had
 
 THE HONEYMOON 261 
 
 been ten years married. Would you mind going down 
 and asking when the next steamer leaves? I really 
 daren't venture out of the room. I should be abso- 
 lutely certain to meet them again. They'll be lying in 
 wait for me. If there is a steamer in the middle of 
 the night, we'll take it in preference to any other. I 
 should like, if possible, to get off while the Elphin- 
 stones are in bed." 
 
 Mrs. Whitty left the room at once; she even left 
 it hurriedly. Dr. Whitty, if he had been in a mood to 
 reason calmly, might have prophesied a happy married 
 life from this prompt obedience to what must have 
 been an inconvenient command. But Mrs. Whitty was 
 not acting from an unmixed sense of wifely duty. 
 She wanted very much to laugh out loud. She did 
 laugh, to her own great satisfaction, as soon as she got 
 out of earshot of the bedroom door. Nearly half an 
 hour passed before she returned to her husband. 
 
 " There's no steamer," she said, " till eleven o'clock 
 to-morrow morning ; but it's all right." 
 
 " It can't possibly be all right," said Dr. Whitty 
 gloomily. " That ass Elphinstone will grin at me every 
 time he meets me." 
 
 " I had a chat with her," said Mrs. Whitty, " and 
 nothing could have been nicer than she was. She 
 told me all you said to them on the steamer." 
 
 " All ! Do you mean really all ? "
 
 262 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " Yes every word. And I think it was horrid of 
 you, perfectly odious and horrid." 
 
 " I had to say something," said Dr. Whitty sheep- 
 ishly. 
 
 " I shouldn't have minded the islands," said Mrs. 
 Whitty, " but I don't see that you need " 
 
 " I couldn't help it. There weren't any more is- 
 lands, and she was counting up on her fingers. I had 
 to explain the other two years somehow." 
 
 " But, anyway, it's all right. She never believed a 
 single thing you said." 
 
 " Do you mean to tell me," said the doctor, " that 
 she doubted my word about North Uist and the Ork- 
 neys ? " 
 
 " Yes, she did. You see, she and Captain Elphin- 
 stone are only just married themselves. They're on 
 their honeymoon too. Their wedding was a day 
 after ours." 
 
 "The day after?" said Dr. Whitty. "Are you 
 quite sure of that?" 
 
 " Quite. She told me so herself. They were mar- 
 ried in Scotland, and it appears that Captain Elphin- 
 stone is nearly as foolish as you are. He's frightfully 
 sensitive about anyone knowing, and oh, just fancy, 
 George they were angry at first because they 
 thought that we were laughing at them." 
 
 " If you're really certain that it was the day after,"
 
 THE HONEYMOON 263 
 
 said Dr. Whitty, " I think we may perhaps stay on 
 here, after all. He's actually in a worse position than 
 I am." 
 
 " Much worse," said Mrs. Whitty " a whole day 
 worse." 
 
 " So, if there's any grinning to be done, I'm the one 
 to do it." 
 
 " Yes," said Mrs. Whitty, " you are. And she's so 
 nice about the whole thing. I simply love her."
 
 XIV 
 " LOVE'S YOUNG DREAM " 
 
 44' I V HERE'S a man at the door who wants to see 
 you, sir," said Jacobs. 
 
 His tone implied a certain scorn of the visitor. All 
 good servants have a contempt for people of a lower 
 class than that to which their masters belong. 
 
 "Who is he?" said Colonel Beresford. 
 
 He was sitting over the remains of his breakfast. 
 Mrs. Challoner, his daughter, paying another of her 
 rare visits to Ballintra, sat behind the teapot at the 
 other end of the table. 
 
 " He says his name is Geraghty, sir." 
 
 Jacobs knew perfectly well that the man's name was 
 Geraghty ; for he had been acquainted with Michael 
 for years. But he chose to pretend that he did not 
 care to commit himself to any opinion on the subject ; 
 preferring to report, impartially, what he had heard. 
 
 " If it's Michael Geraghty, show him in here at once. 
 Or wait a minute, Jacobs, perhaps you'd better 
 put him into the library." 
 
 The colonel was feeling depressed. Life in Bal- 
 lintra, since Dr. Whitty went on his honeymoon, had 
 
 264
 
 "LOVE'S YOUNG DREAM" 265 
 
 been dull. He welcomed the opportunity of a chat 
 with Michael Geraghty. But he knew that Mrs. Chal- 
 loner held strong views about the necessity for keeping 
 the lower orders in their proper places. His eyes 
 were on her face when he made the correction of his 
 first order and said that Michael Geraghty should be 
 shown into the library. 
 
 " Don't let my being here interfere with your seeing 
 him in this room," said Mrs. Challoner. " I have al- 
 most finished my cup of tea." 
 
 She spoke resignedly, as one who was prepared to 
 suffer considerable discomfort for the sake of humour- 
 ing an unreasonable and fractious person. Michael 
 Geraghty was shown in, and the colonel, glancing nerv- 
 ously at Mrs. Challoner, shook hands with him and of- 
 fered him a cup of tea. 
 
 " It's what I was wanting to speak to you about," 
 said Michael Geraghty, " is that they have it put out 
 round the town that the doctor's to be home this day 
 week." 
 
 " That's quite true." 
 
 " There was some of the boys saying," Michael went 
 on, " that it would be well that a few of us would be 
 out to meet him when he'd be bringing his young lady 
 back. He was always well liked in the place." 
 
 " That would be a capital idea." 
 
 " It could be," said Michael, " that they'd be want-
 
 266 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 ing to build a bonfire or the like, if so be you hadn't 
 any objection." 
 
 " I haven't the slightest." 
 
 Michael Geraghty hesitated. 
 
 " It was Father Henaghan was saying," he went on, 
 " that it would be an improvement to the demonstra- 
 tion if there was a good committee with yourself on 
 it and the Rev. Mr. Jackson, so as the doctor would 
 know that the people of every kind of religion in the 
 place was glad to have him back amongst them." 
 
 " I suppose," said the colonel, " that you want a sub- 
 scription." 
 
 " We was thinking of an illuminated address," said 
 Michael. 
 
 " Very well, I'll give you a sovereign." 
 
 " What the boys was saying down in the town," said 
 Michael, " was that it would be a grand thing if so 
 be it was pleasing to you to present the address. 
 There'll be a triumphal arch along the end of the 
 street, and a tar barrel under that, with maybe a cart- 
 load of turf or such round about it ; and Father Hen- 
 aghan is willing to lend the table out of the school, 
 and maybe you'd stand on the table with the illuminated 
 address in your hand and say a few words the like of 
 what would be suitable to the occasion." 
 
 " I hope," said Mrs. Challoner sharply, " that you'll 
 do no such thing."
 
 267 
 
 The colonel hesitated. He suspected that he would 
 look somewhat ridiculous if he stood on the table in 
 the middle of the street, silhouetted against the blaz- 
 ing tar barrel, very likely dripped on by a damp tri- 
 umphal arch, and waved an illuminated address in his 
 hand. He was not at all sure, besides, that Dr. Whitty 
 would be pleased at the demonstration. 
 
 " Do you think," he said, " that Dr. Whitty would 
 like all that?" 
 
 Michael Geraghty had not seriously considered Dr. 
 Whitty's feelings. Like other promoters of festivals 
 of honour, he was willing to be content with the con- 
 viction that the hero of the occasion ought to be 
 pleased, if he was not. He was quite frank with the 
 colonel. 
 
 "I don't know," he said, "will Dr. Whitty be 
 pleased ; but Father Henaghan was after saying to me 
 last night that Thady Glynn will be terrible vexed." 
 
 This was certainly true, and it weighed with the 
 colonel. He was always pleased to get the better of 
 the truculent publican, and it occurred to him that this 
 aspect of the matter would appeal strongly to Dr. 
 Whitty. 
 
 " I don't think," he said, " that I'll present the ad- 
 dress. Let Father Henaghan do that. But if you're 
 having a committee, you can put my name on it." 
 
 Michael Geraghty seemed to be well satisfied. He
 
 268 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 pocketed his sovereign and went away. Colonel Beres- 
 ford retired to the library, lit a cigarette, and wrote a 
 letter to Dr. Whitty. 
 
 " MY DEAR DOCTOR, I hope you are having a pleas- 
 ant holiday and enjoying the scenery of the Channel 
 Islands, which, I have always understood, is delight- 
 .ful. We shall all be glad to see you home again next 
 week. In fact I understand that the popular feeling 
 is to take the form of a mild demonstration. Michael 
 Geraghty, who is organising it, was up with me just 
 now, and speaks of a bonfire, an illuminated address, 
 and a triumphal arch. I suppose the town band will 
 play a tune or two, probably not ' The Battle Song of 
 King Malachi.' I hope this kind of thing doesn't 
 bore you. I suggested to Michael Geraghty that per- 
 haps it might, but he seemed to think that you will 
 be reconciled to the fuss and publicity by the knowl- 
 edge that Thady Glynn will be greatly annoyed. I 
 feel myself, and I dare say you do too, that it's worth 
 going through something to make that blackguard feel 
 thoroughly uncomfortable." 
 
 Two days later a telegram, which had been handed 
 in at the Sark post office, arrived in Ballintra. 
 
 " Michael Geraghty, Chairman Reception Commit- 
 tee, Ballintra. Do not waste money on illuminated 
 address. Buy fireworks. WHITTY." 
 
 Michael took this round to the presbytery and 
 handed it to Father Henaghan.
 
 " LOVE'S YOUNG DREAM " 269 
 
 " The doctor's right," he said, " and it's all our luck 
 that the schoolmaster hadn't finished drawing up the 
 address. If we had it sent off to Dublin we couldn't 
 have got out of it. But the way things is we're all 
 right. It was three pounds we had laid out for the 
 address, and we'll get a fine lot of fireworks for that 
 money." 
 
 " You won't be wanting the table out of the school, 
 then," said the priest. " I'm just as glad, for you'd 
 have had it destroyed." 
 
 " We will want it," said Geraghty. " If so be 
 there's no illuminated address, there'll be all the more 
 need for yourself to be making some sort of a speech." 
 
 " Let the colonel do that." 
 
 "The colonel isn't willing," said Michael. "He 
 said he'd be better pleased if you were to do it." 
 
 " I won't then. Do you think I'm going to stand 
 on the table in the middle of the street making speeches 
 to the doctor, with every corner-boy in the town laugh- 
 ing at me ? You ought to have more respect for your 
 clergy than to suggest such a thing. If you want a 
 speech at all, the colonel is the proper man to make it." 
 
 Michael Geraghty went up to Ballintra House and 
 did his best to persuade Colonel Beresford to make 
 the speech. The colonel, the fear of Mrs. Challoner 
 in his mind, refused decisively. Michael Geraghty 
 went home and sat down to consider the advisability
 
 270 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 of asking Mr. Jackson to fill the gap. He spent a 
 restless night and got up in the morning without ar- 
 riving at any definite decision. At eleven o'clock an- 
 other telegram arrived. 
 
 " Michael Geraghty, Chairman Reception Commit- 
 tee, Ballintra. Understand that band is to play at 
 demonstration. Mrs. Whitty strongly of opinion 
 tunes of a personal character should be avoided. 
 Objects particularly to ' Love's Young Dream.' 
 WHITTY." 
 
 Michael hurriedly assembled the leading members 
 of the band and laid the telegram before them. 
 
 " I know the tune well," said Flaherty, the cornet- 
 player, " and a fine one it is. What's more, we have 
 the music of it. Listen to me now, boys." 
 
 He whistled the air amid a murmur of applause, 
 and then turned to Michael Geraghty. 
 
 " It wasn't that one we were thinking of playing," 
 he said, " but ' Rich and Rare were the Gems she 
 Wore/ on account of the words being suitable for 
 the young lady that's coming all the way across Ire- 
 land to be living among us. But I'm not sure now that 
 the other wouldn't be better, seeing as how she and 
 the doctor is only just married. I'll take it on myself 
 to say we'll be able to manage it." 
 
 " But," said Michael Geraghty, " the doctor says he 
 particularly dislikes that tune."
 
 " LOVE'S YOUNG DREAM " 271 
 
 " Begging your pardon, Mr. Geraghty," said Flah- 
 erty, " the doctor says no such thing. What he says 
 is that Mrs. Whitty objects to it, which is as good as 
 telling us that only for her it's the tune he'd be best 
 pleased with himself of any you could give him. It's 
 the doctor that we're striving to please and not the 
 young lady. Believe you me, if the band gives out 
 ' Love's Young Dream ' in the way it ought and 
 it's what the band will do the doctor will be well 
 satisfied. If he didn't want that tune played why 
 would he be going to the expense of sending a tele- 
 gram which can't have cost him much under one-and- 
 sixpence? Tell me that, now." 
 
 Michael Geraghty could offer no answer to this puz- 
 zle. An hour later the band was busy practising 
 " Love's Young Dream." Michael himself, coming to 
 a sudden decision about the address of welcome, went 
 up to the Rectory and asked Mr. Jackson to deliver 
 an oration on the occasion. But the rector was no 
 more willing than the priest or the colonel to under- 
 take the task. He explained that he had never done 
 anything of the sort before, and that speaking from a 
 table in front of a bonfire would make him nervous. 
 Michael Geraghty went home and summoned his 
 daughter Molly. 
 
 " Is there," he said, " such a thing as a writing-pen 
 in the house ? "
 
 272 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 "There is," said Molly; "why wouldn't there? I 
 have one in my school satchel." 
 
 " Bring it here, then, and do you sit down and be 
 writing what I'll tell you." 
 
 Molly, who was a very good child, did exactly as 
 her father bade her. 
 
 " DR. WHITTY, HONOURED SIR," said Michael 
 ("Have you that down? Mind your spelling now, 
 Molly.") " Your two telegrams to hand and con- 
 tents noted. This is to let you know that there's 
 trouble over the speech that should be made at the 
 demonstration of welcome to yourself and lady, owing 
 to neither the colonel, nor Father Henaghan, nor the 
 Rev. Mr. Jackson being able, which is what they say, 
 but my own belief is that they could well enough, only 
 they're not willing. If it would be pleasing to your- 
 self and lady to let the occasion pass without a speech, 
 the same being what ought not to be, but we can't 
 help it, it would be a great convenience to your obedi- 
 ent servant MICHAEL GERAGHTY. 
 " P. S. A line by return will oblige." 
 Then followed a passage not written from dicta- 
 tion : 
 
 " My da bids me write this, hoping it finds you as 
 well as it leaves me. Your loving friend 
 
 " MOLLY GERAGHTY." 
 
 This was addressed, stamped, and dispatched at 
 once. A telegram in reply arrived two days later.
 
 " LOVE'S YOUNG DREAM " 273 
 
 " Speech of welcome absolutely essential. Try 
 Thady Glynn. WHITTY." 
 
 Michael Geraghty showed this message to the colo- 
 nel. 
 
 " You wouldn't," he said, " like Thady Glynn to be 
 taking part in the proceedings." 
 
 " I would not," said the colonel, " but I'd rather he 
 did than make the speech myself. Look here, I'll tell 
 you what to do. Go to the schoolmaster and get him 
 to write the thing out. Put it in an envelope and 
 hand it to the doctor yourself." 
 
 " I might," said Michael Geraghty, " and it's what 
 I'll have to do at the latter end, but the doctor won't 
 be pleased. It would be better if we had a proper 
 speech made; but what can't be can't." 
 
 Another telegram, this time from London, arrived 
 on the morning of the day previous to that on which 
 the doctor was to arrive. 
 
 " Michael Geraghty, Chairman Reception Commit- 
 tee, Ballintra. Build bonfire opposite door of Im- 
 perial Hotel. WHITTY." 
 
 " It's wonderful," said Michael to a member of the 
 town band to whom he showed the telegram ; " it's 
 wonderful the interest the doctor takes in the demon- 
 stration." 
 
 " Well he may then, seeing it's for him it is."
 
 274 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 " I had it settled to have the tar barrel where Thady 
 Glynn would see it," said Michael, " and I'm glad the 
 doctor agrees. It's raging mad Thady is this minute, 
 and he'll be worse before we've done." 
 
 The next day was a very busy one for Michael Ger- 
 aghty. The triumphal arch, which consisted of a long 
 strip of white calico bearing an inscription in green 
 lettering, was stretched across the street, the ends be- 
 ing made fast to two opposite windows. The table 
 was carried down from the schoolroom and placed 
 under the arch, to the great inconvenience of carts 
 which were trying to pass from one end of the town 
 to the other. A space was railed in for the firing of 
 rockets, the idea being to minimise the risk involved 
 in the handling of unfamiliar explosives. The crack- 
 ers, about four dozen of them, were distributed to a 
 number of small boys who could be relied on to set 
 them off at irregular intervals during the proceedings. 
 The town band, massed under the triumphal arch, 
 just behind the school table, had a final rehearsal of 
 " Love's Young Dream." Michael, assisted by about 
 a hundred young men and boys, brought down a tar 
 barrel from the store behind his house and set it up 
 exactly opposite Thady Glynn's door. The work of 
 piling turf round it and over it began. Then a car 
 was seen driving along the road from Dunbeg. 
 
 " Tell that fellow he can't pass, whoever he is," said
 
 " LOVE'S YOUNG DREAM " 275 
 
 Michael ; " there's no way for him to get by till we 
 have the turf cleared off the street." 
 
 " The Lord save us ! " said Flaherty the cornet- 
 player, who was watching the building of the bonfire. 
 " It's the doctor himself that's in it." 
 
 Michael Geraghty looked up from his work. Flah- 
 erty was perfectly right. Dr. Whitty and his wife 
 sat together on one side of the car. Michael stood 
 for a moment in silent amazement. 
 
 " By all that's holy ! " he said slowly. 
 
 Dr. Whitty jumped from the car and shook Michael 
 warmly by the hand. 
 
 " What brings you here at all at this time of the 
 day?" said Michael. "We're not half ready for 
 you." 
 
 " We came on by the early train," said the doctor. 
 " The fact is, from the letter the colonel wrote me, 
 and from the one I got from you By the way, 
 how's Molly?" 
 
 " She's well," said Michael, " but she'll be sorry to 
 see you here before your time. It wasn't till the 
 evening that we expected you." 
 
 " I know that," said the doctor, " and it was in the 
 evening I intended to arrive ; but from the letters you 
 and the colonel wrote I gathered that this demonstra- 
 tion was being badly mismanaged, and I thought I'd 
 better come home in time to run it myself. I hate
 
 276 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 to see things bungled. Have you got anyone to make 
 the speech ? " 
 
 " I have not ; but the schoolmaster has it written out, 
 and the capital letters done in red ink, and it'll be given 
 to you when the time comes." 
 
 " That won't do at all," said the doctor. 
 
 " I don't know how we'll manage then," said Mi- 
 chael, " for neither the colonel nor : 
 
 " I'll see after it myself," said the doctor, " so you 
 can make your mind quite easy. What time is fixed 
 for the demonstration ? " 
 
 " It was ten o'clock we thought you'd be here." 
 
 " That will suit admirably. Let us through now, 
 and then you can go on building your bonfire. We've 
 been travelling all night to get here, and I simply must 
 have a wash and something to eat. I'll be round at 
 ten sharp. What's that you have on the triumphal 
 arch in the way of an inscription?" 
 
 " A hundred thousand welcomes," said Michael. 
 " I was in favour of it's being in Irish myself, but 
 there was some of the boys said it was better in Eng- 
 lish, out of respect for the lady." 
 
 " It's upside down anyway," said the doctor. " It's 
 just as well I came back in time to see it set right." 
 
 The demonstration was a magnificent success. At 
 a quarter to ten the bonfire was lighted, and blazed, 
 to the great delight of the crowd and the discomfiture
 
 " LOVE'S YOUNG DREAM " 277 
 
 of Thady Glynn. A shower of rockets was set off at 
 ten o'clock precisely, the signal being given by Michael 
 Geraghty. Colonel Beresford, Mr. Jackson, and 
 Father Henaghan stood in front of the table, facing 
 the crowd. Mrs. Challoner and Mrs. Jackson, moved 
 to curiosity by the unusual nature of the proceedings, 
 secured seats at one of the windows from which the 
 triumphal arch was suspended. The blinds of the 
 upper rooms of Thady Glynn's hotel were drawn 
 down, but Mrs. Glynn and Lizzie were peeping out 
 from behind them. There was a short pause after 
 the explosion of the rockets, and then a loud burst 
 of cheering from the crowd. Dr. Whitty, with his 
 wife leaning on his arm, was seen making his way 
 along the street. Leaving Mrs. Whitty in charge of 
 Colonel Beresford, he mounted the table. 
 
 " Ladies and gentlemen " he began. 
 
 A roar of cheers and a dropping volley of exploding 
 crackers interrupted him for some minutes. 
 
 " Ladies and gentlemen," he began again, " it has 
 fallen to my lot to give verbal expression to the feel- 
 ings of pleasure with which you welcome me home to 
 your midst feelings which are already evidenced in 
 the magnificent bonfire which blazes behind me, in the 
 triumphal arch under whose shadow I stand, and " 
 
 " Three cheers for the doctor," said a voice in the 
 crowd.
 
 278 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 There was a warm response to the appeal, and a 
 number of crackers were flung, hissing and banging, 
 into the middle of the crowd. 
 
 " It is through no wish of my own," the doctor went 
 on, " that I find myself in my present position. There 
 are others " he glanced at the colonel " who would 
 have filled more appropriately the place I now occupy." 
 
 " Sorra the man in the town we'd rather be listen- 
 ing to than yourself, doctor," said Flaherty, who had 
 the members of the band round him. 
 
 " But," said the doctor, " since nobody else has come 
 forward, I feel it my duty to say to you what any- 
 body else would have said. Supposing now that the 
 colonel was standing on this platform at the present 
 minute, or either of the reverend gentlemen I see be- 
 side him, or Michael Geraghty, what would they be 
 saying to you? They'd say that only for me there'd 
 never have been the pier built that was built. Isn't 
 that true ? " 
 
 " It is. It is," shouted the crowd. 
 
 " And only for me Michael Geraghty wouldn't have 
 got the money that was due to him for building it, 
 and only for me there wouldn't have been the two 
 fine buoys marking out the channel that's there this 
 minute. Isn't that true?" 
 
 " It is. It is." 
 
 " Very well," said the doctor. " Those, along with
 
 " LOVE'S YOUNG DREAM " 279 
 
 other things, are the reasons for this splendid demon- 
 stration of welcome a demonstration second to none 
 ever seen in this county as an expression of the cor- 
 dial good feeling of all classes and creeds towards 
 Mrs. Whitty and myself." 
 
 A loud burst of cheers greeted the conclusion of 
 the speech. Dr. Whitty got down from the table, 
 and was seen shaking hands warmly with Colonel 
 Beresford, Mr. Jackson and Father Henaghan. When 
 the cheers had subsided and the last of the crackers 
 had exploded, Dr. Whitty mounted the table again. 
 
 " It is now my pleasant duty," he said, " to thank 
 you, on behalf of Mrs. Whitty and myself, for the 
 enthusiastic welcome you have accorded to us. It is 
 far beyond anything we deserve. The slight services, 
 alluded to by the previous speaker, which I have ren- 
 dered to the town in the matter of piers, athletic sports, 
 and public meetings are far more than repaid by the 
 splendid reception we have this evening enjoyed. 
 This, ladies and gentlemen, is the proudest moment 
 of our lives. Words fail me when I try to give ade- 
 quate expression to our feelings. I shall merely add 
 that Mrs. Whitty" 
 
 At this further reference to Mrs. Whitty Flaherty 
 felt that his opportunity had arrived. He put his 
 cornet to his lips and blew the first few notes of 
 " Love's Young Dream." The other members of the
 
 280 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 band, though taken unawares, rose to the occasion. 
 They seized their instruments and one by one dropped 
 into their places in the accompaniment with consider- 
 able skill. Dr. Whitty stood smiling on the platform 
 until he suddenly recognised the tune. Then he leaped 
 to the ground and seized Michael Geraghty by the arm. 
 
 " Didn't I wire to you," he said, " not to have that 
 tune played? " 
 
 " It wasn't that way we understood the message," 
 said Michael, " but quite the contrary." 
 
 " I distinctly said there were to be no personal tunes 
 played, and this one is personal. Under the circum- 
 stances it's disgustingly personal." 
 
 " What we did was for the best," said Michael. 
 
 " Come now," said the colonel, laying his hand on 
 the doctor's shoulder, " you can't deny that it's rather 
 appropriate." 
 
 " That's exactly what I'm complaining of. It's 
 sickeningly appropriate. At least you all think it is. 
 That's what's so horribly vulgar about playing it. As 
 a matter of fact, we're not that kind of people at all, 
 either of us. We dislike that sort of thing intensely. 
 Listen to them now." 
 
 The crowd, moved to enthusiasm by the strains of 
 the band, had taken up the song. 
 
 " For there's nothing half so sweet in life as love's young 
 dream."
 
 " LOVE'S YOUNG DREAM " 281 
 
 " After all," said the colonel soothingly, " you mar- 
 ried her, you know. You must allow us to give you 
 credit for the usual feelings." 
 
 " Credit ! " said the doctor. " Credit ! Good heav- 
 ens, colonel, even if we had what you call the usual 
 feelings, do you suppose we want to bray them out 
 on brass instruments in the middle of the night, be- 
 side a bonfire in front of Thady Glynn's hotel? It's 
 the most revoltingly indecent exhibition of blatant vul- 
 garity But there, I've nobody to blame but myself. 
 I ought to have come home directly I heard about this 
 demonstration. I might have known. If I'd had a 
 glimmer of common sense, I would have known that 
 there wasn't a man in Ballintra fit to organise a thing 
 of the sort properly except myself." 
 
 " What we did," said Michael Geraghty feebly, 
 " was for the best." 
 
 Dr. Whitty refused to be pacified. He took his 
 wife by the arm and led her away. The song fol- 
 lowed them down the street, beyond the light of the 
 bonfire, to the door of their house. 
 
 "There's nothing half so sweet in life as love's young 
 dream." 
 
 " After all," said Mrs. Whitty, " it was rather nice 
 of them." 
 
 " They may have meant well," said the doctor, " but
 
 282 THE ADVENTURES OF DR. WHITTY 
 
 that kind of sentiment is absolutely nauseating. If 
 I'm ever married again I mean to say, when the 
 time comes for our silver wedding I shan't go n 
 any honeymoon. I shall stay at home and organise 
 whatever demonstration of welcome there is to be on 
 proper lines. It's an extraordinary thing how stupid 
 people can be over quite simple affairs when they are 
 left without proper guidance." 
 
 THE END
 
 skc b 
 1 . 20 net 
 
 000 119440 
 
 University of California 
 
 SOUTHERN REGIONAL LIBRARY FACILITY 
 
 405 Hilgard Avenue, Los Angeles, CA 90024-1388 
 
 Return this material to the library 
 
 from which it was borrowed.